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suicidewatch,juxier,2019/01/01,"I think I attempted suicide today (01.01.2019) all thought about today (01/01/2019) was ‘‘goodbye 2018, goodbye everyone’’ 

I’d come back from a night out but I barely drunk, I couldn’t. And when I got home (7/7:30am) couldn’t sleep but all I could think about was overdosing on some pills (co-codamol) they are 8mg tablets so I knew they weren’t strong but I still took more than I should have 

I wasn’t in pain I just wanted to take as many as I could to be honest, I had 6 in my bag so I had them within an hour 

And then tried to find some more which I did 

I was speaking to a friend because it helped me slow down the process I guess because I felt so stupid for thinking it then actually going through with it but at the same time I felt so brave 

I also kept thinking the year has only just began and that I could just wait and see how the first 2 weeks go and then if I still feel this way I’ll try again, which is what I’m thinking now tbh 

I kept thinking why should I do this 

I’m mostly scared about the exam I have on Friday (04/01/2019) I don’t want to do it I feel like I’ll fail, again for the 3rd time 

And because I had such a wonderful Christmas as home I felt it would be a good last memory for my family  

If I hadn’t called my friend I most likely would have had more than 6 

But he came over and he brought the paramedics with him

I was fine tho because I throw up as soon as I started to get paranoid (about an hour after my first pill) about how many I’d already took

They took my blood pressure and pulse ox and they were normal readings

But I want to do it again, more than 6 this time 


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suicidewatch,HughT97,2019/01/01,I.m definitely would have killed myself if i lt wasnt for tyler the creator Back in 2015 i first heard T’s music from my brother and when i would get sad ‘summer of 17” when all my friends left and His music was what could ass worth to my life and that i would unlock that potential and i prolly never sill so gn i love yall ,2.7951428571428565,3.5892739428571434,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,73.85714285714286,7.314285714285713,21.142857142857142,7.554174236665415,0.4653714285714279,256,5,59,3,5,85,53,70,0.14,0.67,0.19,0.4487,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,2,11,10,8,1,5,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,12,2,5,3,1,8,0,1,0,2,6,2,1,1,6,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250262967954048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336535890897728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489240809700513,0.0,0.0,0.22609715844858655,0.0,0.15289517570047995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237688453090221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317960151359053,0.0,0.2067041447727041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412395561749946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257062217599399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6236608206187216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Fortnut,2019/01/01,"Suicide What is the easiest and the least painful wat to die, as life is useless and not worth living for as I constantly get bullied, no one cares about being and a lot of loved people in 2018 have died. I'm currently 14 and have been depressed for around 2 almost 3 years, I'm getting weaker and weaker, so please tell me the easiest least painful ways to die",15.344583333333333,6.8150665138888895,13.36388888888889,63.37000000000002,57.47222222222222,16.622222222222227,51.27777777777778,11.20814326018867,5.611977777777778,287,11,57,4,2,91,53,72,0.344,0.461,0.195,-0.9474,1,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,0,9,12,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,10,10,3,6,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,3,35,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915358403190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815884490447885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259361501359146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041311163008725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269716057251074,0.0,0.5881374203205498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738231959838612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342390752002284,0.0,0.0,0.16679997439926111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160593919811685,0.17048739040469146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800185092591845,0.0,0.4020005674688981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095775868139795,0.0,0.0,0.20735275642078704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662323187809375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651047619161562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993806204502785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164381216670038
suicidewatch,Veidon,2019/01/01,"Been tying up loose ends, leaving soonish I hope 2018 was the year that made me realize I can no longer exist in this world. I was betrayed by someone I loved and suffered the last third of the year with tears, anger, frustration and suicidal thoughts pretty much daily. Years of therapy I went through for PTSD gone in an instant; all happiness, hope, laughs I don’t see returning.

As I’ve now written my final wishes, forgiven that person, been helped by hundreds of people on Reddit to see how horrible what they did to me truly was, changed my life insurance and began tying up loose ends in general, I feel a sense of calm. 

No one knows I’m actually making plans and getting things in order. After 33 years, I’m looking forward to no more suffering, and no more watching those around me suffer and struggle.

The only thing that ever gives me second thoughts is my beloved cat of 10 years, but I know she’ll be taken care of.

I can no longer feel romantic love for other human beings and that makes my decision easier.",7.932923076923077,7.1662022153846205,7.869358974358977,73.37480769230773,62.74358974358975,10.876923076923077,35.9102564102564,10.125756701596842,3.5875025641025644,812,32,144,15,10,262,132,195,0.154,0.669,0.177,0.8751,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,4,14,2,1,6,0,13,3,0,4,2,28,40,10,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,8,0,0,3,6,6,0,3,14,6,19,8,25,23,4,27,0,3,4,2,8,10,0,2,15,95,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.13057837965889055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191184684079823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364272956240113,0.0,0.14155228562144356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703029237027276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103799190063905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531580321002154,0.0,0.0,0.14658132879756613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990973211884972,0.12836188178661995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244227539676718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968941932942855,0.0,0.0,0.2658052575210841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707596418509933,0.10907227597452136,0.0,0.14168451666638507,0.0,0.0,0.09451332471878847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236594353525642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24153587448125585,0.12661340603460433,0.17863722693634373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983650849634274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906725093428384,0.10176785041663733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276638198324584,0.11683694508934095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613196020420518,0.0,0.0,0.1564156776021551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132570571690483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337601642326615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398863246621005,0.0,0.1463654375885307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530223677259112,0.0,0.1777936409381557,0.0,0.0,0.21245895796963332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404237651693265,0.0,0.0,0.15387386161841518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430843367318459
suicidewatch,drunkgaymom,2019/01/01,"ready to let go i cant hold on anymore. im crying so much in so much pain. i feel empty and numb and alone. this new year, i feel like giving up. this illness has gotten the best of me and i have nothing to live for. i am so unhappy and miserable i cant even remember when ive been ok for like more than a few days. please someone tell me how to escape this ",-0.7949305555555526,1.082614812500001,1.8891666666666644,97.3502777777778,88.375,5.055555555555556,17.63888888888889,6.42735559955562,-0.30777777777777793,275,7,68,3,9,95,57,80,0.236,0.552,0.212,-0.5201,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,2,1,8,3,0,1,0,9,13,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,9,4,10,10,5,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235129713645115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402447323406898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264781621936003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370559807205641,0.13917890919515535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425397657619417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182389630290157,0.1541739457838544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070235945027472,0.12264919068095215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233110682041954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067925682334796,0.0,0.21086668873630016,0.0,0.19056324278896045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31728879600796783,0.0,0.0,0.208429613536542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707449285901466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963592175531786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689340365360184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444694531232494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828542097050626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886265207411288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897387811469775
suicidewatch,princesspink73,2019/01/01,"Not sure ...if I'll be here.  When husband comes back, if he says he's done with me, like he did before he left, I'm out  of here",0.828000000000003,0.6502437999999984,2.846666666666668,101.37000000000002,77.66666666666667,6.0,18.33333333333333,3.1291,-0.9866666666666668,94,1,28,0,2,32,24,30,0.067,0.8490000000000001,0.085,0.1376,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,14,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127608122189063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34610894578182466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503736973592981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162400417412606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44192823953691146,0.0,0.0,0.19871443511231532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234589299147921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833511404393496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lafertee_daniels,2019/01/01,How should I end my life Girls get a ton of attention so they either ignore me or treat me like shit. The human race sucks. Im going to be alone forever,-0.3204545454545453,1.815958090909092,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,89.30303030303033,5.724242424242425,14.31060606060606,7.1686216300943375,-0.2122666666666664,119,2,27,2,4,41,31,33,0.271,0.599,0.13,-0.6872,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,6,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452354001835133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38075409374611696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245992816425753,0.0,0.2443158495976586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643539351313027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036433439825433,0.2100220715865479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412749243608584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hackedbyyoutube,2019/01/01,"I’m currently in the works of planning my final days on earth Preferably I’ll do it before school starts because I really hate school. I’m going to try and do most of the things I like before, and I’ve already started by baking cookies. Next is public transit. I don’t want to grow up at all. I never want to go to work. How can anyone find that appealing? Just work until you’re too old and then live for 20 more years till you can barely move at all. Nothing matters on the planet anyways. In four or five generations of your family no one will even remember your existence so it’s not like your cursing your family to die out or anything. ",2.9205524475524487,4.717535069230774,4.449860139860142,84.20877622377624,75.23076923076924,7.18881118881119,24.89510489510489,8.00094639256281,1.4976153846153846,509,17,99,8,11,170,93,130,0.086,0.855,0.059,-0.6775,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,4,6,3,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,3,19,16,10,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,0,10,2,20,15,4,24,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,3,14,66,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953080874993002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137555841099944,0.0,0.13387877614703447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917340151008944,0.0,0.2768718672401574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492062565820608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884498108448648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745422198953147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30673648375840346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821730306748138,0.14869434454326566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491925101488088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062121537188764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589627698666928,0.0,0.1436569288874002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172912132207237,0.0,0.0,0.12547540306994318,0.0,0.17302106877819814,0.0,0.0,0.15610400652126835,0.0,0.17071421692113495,0.0,0.11024194015704668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422242100554666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842943598591133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32929890145792456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303035197884886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808301251759554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045481449610536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919157885625225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35531750374738336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476606208700563
suicidewatch,notjustanotherdrop,2019/01/01,"conflicted, and still alive. I've been friends with someone with suicidal thoughts for half a year, I always told them everything that you would tell someone with suicidal thoughts. that there was more, it would get better, it wasn't worth taking your life. they told me they wouldn't kill themselves. they were scared.

now, I try to tell myself the same things, but I realise how shitty my advice was, and I now understand their mindset. a few months back, an hour before school started, I went into town and spent half an hour just staring at the road from a bridge, completely blank from any other thoughts but imagining the impact of a car. no-one questioned me and it was peaceful. my friends messaged me, and wondered where I was. I went back to school, upset that I hadn't jumped down, slightly shaken but okay. 

I've considered many forms of suicide, but none of them seemed possible without effort, and each option I denied just made me feel so lazy that I couldn't even kill myself. I got angry at myself, and I still am, resorting to other ways to hurt myself instead of dying. 

I want to be killed by a car, ramming into me at high speeds so I die on impact. but I don't want anything to happen to anyone, I don't care about the emotional impact on people who know me, but I don't want someone sentenced with manslaughter, or anything like it. 

I don't have rope for a noose, or enough drugs to overdose. guns are illegal, bleach and cutting are ineffective and have a high chance of me surviving.

maybe I'm just scared of suicide, or I really don't want ruin someone's life because of my selfishness. I don't know. I'm not killing myself any time soon. but I really fucking feel like dying.",4.755435779816512,6.212360755351683,4.879713302752292,84.34507454128442,69.88685015290521,7.651834862385322,28.303899082568808,8.07648339933343,1.8420908256880733,1345,48,253,18,24,420,172,327,0.218,0.64,0.142,-0.9894,0,0,1,1,0,6,45.0,0,2,6,4,18,20,6,3,13,1,24,4,0,2,0,56,53,22,11,8,15,0,2,2,2,3,3,0,0,0,12,16,0,1,12,0,2,5,13,13,0,2,18,3,44,7,34,30,7,33,0,2,1,1,17,13,1,7,16,173,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041281853033802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847185756991893,0.0,0.0,0.11192001991504266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753906911556601,0.0,0.13543528810652575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126551834201207,0.0,0.05016320955635148,0.0,0.07002271418114746,0.0,0.0,0.0727788023146787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390012151925426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627948104006569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562120298299222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954302543831393,0.0,0.0,0.09256515440645784,0.0,0.08502754944233394,0.0,0.05435175735932783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395693020051285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321657539914003,0.05878797995479512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715407273206236,0.0760757628368748,0.042993119473063016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581481635442407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727687597758319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388776913242782,0.0,0.0,0.16207811345557271,0.0,0.08809312824984676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641666935337515,0.0,0.09044884464835444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624769651593768,0.08040545766366336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786477114921532,0.0,0.08342912635207397,0.08267134796701751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568307895544982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704951260447071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927695909945265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218361336992016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543413991582487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477325621261396,0.16656371112600862,0.0,0.07491370949085155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788961405933442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058245273172061,0.0,0.13143377267797904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600475386902048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061871825740557336,0.0,0.14385014360102727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466980787031205,0.0,0.0,0.1959871627225428,0.047983950566077696,0.0,0.0,0.1572632095156871,0.0,0.05586949647494313,0.0,0.0,0.08566677391570214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414705500153365,0.06531795784118573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256727644868848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932460662466373,0.08923997578759195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169128851349147,0.0,0.0,0.0529920507599967
suicidewatch,figurinlifeout,2019/01/01,"Thinking about suicide for the past 10 years of my life I’m 20, I never expected to make it this far. I remember sitting in class when I was 10 thinking about what life could be like after death. I think it’s gonna be much better.

I think about suicide everyday yet my brain doesn’t let me do it, I’m living in hell.",0.6047899159663856,2.597609058823529,2.601512605042018,93.71323529411768,83.41176470588233,5.650420168067227,21.478991596638657,6.868970318607317,0.435846218487395,248,8,56,3,7,83,49,68,0.234,0.6940000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,1,1,9,15,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,9,9,1,11,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,8,34,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874095002115578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365519564385541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918596384468465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668345951723594,0.2993443421973261,0.10352428286656153,0.0,0.1871127504176288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144577854053653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577185408073915,0.0,0.1634313635966699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228378993411172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004289126021705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635713087622737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.543111246301573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645750455161673
suicidewatch,some_real_dude,2019/01/01,Why do people think I'm abusive. I hate myself for it I hate it and it makes me feel unloved and like I am. Why can't i just seem nice to people i try to be a good person but how am I abusive i don't hit or insult my gf and i only ever get mad when people are being dicks why tf i'm not abusive i hate it and i hate my life.,-2.753797468354432,-1.162191379746833,1.0834050632911385,101.36586708860762,95.70886075949369,3.16,12.963291139240509,3.1291,-1.6707022784810128,247,4,67,0,10,91,47,79,0.388,0.536,0.076,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,6,0,1,0,8,2,1,2,1,14,20,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,14,3,3,17,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,41,18,0,0.0,0.5231814683251235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314005751740152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442272273149192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768997040447483,0.0,0.0,0.1234543897856837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5812710807201199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039633035183716,0.07190866787175396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982491955442312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194317788266174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30612507458987465,0.12851896619469785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339945125952106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431218731081112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993105400839956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984430830267759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,insanity_randomness,2019/01/01,"I don’t live anymore. I just shamble from day to day, numb to all emotion except putrid disgust towards the simple act of my existence. I cant even do simple fucking homework, so I failed some classes, my parents grounded me for 6 months because they think I’m just lazy DESPITE THE FACT that I’ve explained to them numerous time about how depression affects me.

All I can do tonight is lie sleepless in bed, hoping  that a kind intruder puts a knife through my chest or a bullet through my brain. Actually, on consideration, I’m probably just googling to kill myself, I honestly can’t take it anymore.",5.609210526315788,6.983318298245614,6.114868421052632,76.60282894736844,67.7719298245614,8.50701754385965,38.81140350877193,8.841846274778883,3.6703192982456136,482,28,83,8,8,156,83,114,0.181,0.742,0.077,-0.927,1,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,2,1,7,9,3,0,5,0,7,4,2,2,3,15,14,3,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,15,3,14,14,3,11,0,2,0,1,4,4,1,3,5,54,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.2134601373960055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338655548693216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334278014192816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24418784155687476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28214032606459305,0.0,0.18840172215996706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246054730986828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447668911118622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222297990504975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725965255216784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24200504603047074,0.22778559778125546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315274048100897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459736794478106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288653491600135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358403196057472,0.0,0.0,0.21989561115963446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446637545061596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016071242481398,0.0,0.0,0.12754992009604213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HiWelcomeToWendys4,2019/01/01,3:53AM I've always been thinking about suicide. I honestly dont want to live anymore. I feel like everyone hates me and I feel as if everyone would be  better if I just died. My friends all seem like they dont need me and I just think if I wasnt there noone would care.i want to kill myself... and that's my decision. but i dont know why theres something holding me back...,1.0773076923076914,3.1763530769230783,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,82.33333333333333,5.951282051282053,22.570512820512814,7.1686216300943375,0.6434051282051287,292,10,66,4,8,94,51,78,0.162,0.711,0.127,-0.3761,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,23,18,8,3,8,6,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,14,5,4,13,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757655891071488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397336884923655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271366550517697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623025487328725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857568087769767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159735725263195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5813335788675427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159799073119937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720227103605492,0.1181193014843218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774167664501276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632395342727434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829247896302024,0.0,0.0908668265021422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615540541121188,0.0,0.14599870952499466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259790155399082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051980087533234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272872111371652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085569449715128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118870598384153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504424662705933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491941034394456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349063250220842,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2done4this,2019/01/01,"I don’t know what to say to my parents if something happens How do I even begin telling my final goodbyes? It would destroy them, but I wish I knew of a way to make it better ",4.926842105263155,3.6856480000000014,6.104210526315793,85.13947368421054,69.0,7.6,34.78947368421053,3.1291,1.768115789473684,136,6,30,0,2,46,30,38,0.058,0.75,0.191,0.7311,1,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850433333217408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287250678584704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35305791949509235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28500400100715384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771246527401793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151341108853606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578699503025514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563015574723124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481180859816288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816996373034427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558224075784959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706228200639388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894879708948265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chiefbauske,2019/01/01,"Thank you. Thank you everyone for making it to 2019 with me. It was incredibly hard but I cannot thank you all enough. I thought about killing myself nearly everyday but I did it, so did you. We did it. ❤️ ",-0.9425249169435193,1.1244366744186038,1.3499003322259142,96.32558139534888,100.86046511627909,5.2478405315614625,17.770764119601328,6.868970318607317,0.19650431893687734,159,5,37,3,7,53,30,43,0.217,0.708,0.075,-0.823,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,10,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,10,3,5,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289809086513036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680090593623395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251253487820888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31030771051171524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722146002031104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7746802751758253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226684604751668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Because-shit,2019/01/01,Why it would suck if Heaven was real If I ended up committing suicide and my family members ended up dying later on it would be awkward seeing them ,12.397241379310346,7.306609413793105,13.216551724137931,51.95862068965519,58.31034482758621,14.358620689655172,42.793103448275865,11.20814326018867,5.180351724137932,119,4,17,2,1,43,24,29,0.246,0.628,0.126,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,6,3,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,3,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120223992952189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325650736254629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834216717575556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422002189225226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395754129496817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288572075158735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27128565883062794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42713965014685,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neuuutral,2019/01/01,I am very confused about what I want from life. I don’t know what to do. I’m deeply sad. ,-2.9028571428571435,-1.2680336666666676,-0.4980952380952371,111.10142857142858,99.95238095238096,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-2.2012666666666667,67,1,20,0,3,22,16,21,0.295,0.6409999999999999,0.064,-0.6894,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406298276342367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221873082715529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6099974195612989,0.4360565030473552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Princess-Or-Potato,2019/01/01,"Crisis text line I want to text them, but when I do I get no where. I'm socially awkward, so talking to people is hard, and It does nothing to help me. I just want a hug and for this dread in my chest to go away. I wish it helped me, I really really do. I need something, I'm slipping.",-0.8561904761904771,0.9778786190476224,2.154920634920636,95.64285714285715,88.20634920634922,5.504761904761906,18.52380952380953,6.868970318607317,0.03551428571428561,215,6,53,3,7,76,44,63,0.236,0.616,0.14800000000000002,-0.7341,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,8,11,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,11,1,7,11,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25638769929427035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880653793306145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257296184598126,0.0,0.15508880548642198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445446720841624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36582277667160457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234334179292907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618438455721401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189186504342518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496386815313777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781754281969696,0.0,0.21008287533904976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21933741431946074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219133782858678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138082715625356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Astealthtaco,2019/01/01,Overdose Just took like 4mg of Ativan and 4 shots of Henny what will happen,4.526875,4.766922937500002,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.625,6.4,22.25,3.1291,0.1583249999999996,61,1,12,0,1,20,14,16,0.0,0.8390000000000001,0.161,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.588868828953617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32533375477155285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7398590746169428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pants_of_Bob,2019/01/01,"Always alone A few days, maybe a few weeks. That is all anybody is ever willing to engage and talk to me. I'm clearly doing something wrong but I don't know what. Maybe I'm too negative but suicidal depression makes that a huge struggle. I try but I guess it just isn't enough. I don't think I can keep trying. I just want it to be over. 

I have to keep in mind that I am alone though. Who knows how many days or even weeks would go by without anybody knowing. I feel like when I do finally go to shoot myself I should probably inform the police so they can collect my body quickly right? That's the responsible thing to do when killings yourself isn't it?",1.3940952380952396,3.60498263703704,2.767751322751323,92.39416666666668,81.8888888888889,5.634920634920635,22.97619047619048,6.868970318607317,0.6621746031746039,516,18,110,6,14,167,87,135,0.237,0.6679999999999999,0.095,-0.9774,0,2,1,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,11,6,1,1,5,0,17,1,1,2,3,26,31,10,2,3,7,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,15,2,10,27,4,15,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,10,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125623823202117,0.0,0.0,0.12555630914288554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760976908092046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462893433518755,0.0,0.12996520888160326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591435171073462,0.0,0.09966439193647468,0.13649271111896952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629679139314638,0.10779905857750127,0.0,0.1652975454469288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715136396552378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622730008770792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682439236629337,0.16694240369547605,0.0,0.24878300742803405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371942910184193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007232482480876,0.15298333580457388,0.3031876070254597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236042645991787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268978886636706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288630756901972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616595558147047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774769063644434,0.0,0.16505408819879314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128328064849644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024759866837048,0.09668710061906187,0.14825307685374334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489491654004852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900148368277366,0.0,0.24207692684005305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545691011571982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719112106602806,0.16497944430336664,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sara0226,2019/01/01,My cats are the only reason I’m still here Does anyone else feel like their pets are the only thing keeping them going? I don’t have much family or close friends so I have two cats that keep me company. I’ve written my letter and made the plan but I always think of what could  happen to them and I chicken out. ,1.8122051282051324,3.721037015384617,3.158076923076924,91.71608974358976,78.84615384615384,5.564102564102565,18.525641025641026,6.42735559955562,-0.08658974358974357,246,5,52,2,6,80,51,65,0.0,0.936,0.064,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,13,15,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,10,2,3,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430599134467366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632814744967783,0.2392671668981135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644541759051828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435350001577468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507463445323694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220140337469503,0.0,0.11807390476246014,0.1668255708208735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804157140799574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271387160807002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649952416914075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151237151308432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408528054687915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209607287713072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166287157009416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552024876007804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400957777016208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648807263836176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513922933983,0.14962914300586191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811351681023706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CursedChickenWing,2019/01/01,"in desperate need of help I am 16 years old. I have attempted Suicide countless times, failing each time. I was put into a mental hospital for a week but i had hid my depression from the doctors to get an early discharge. I got out and felt better sometimes but i still thought about suicide. That was in August. I am still suicidal. I used to use drugs like xanax to numb the pain, but after each of life's obstacles i tried something new. I don't have drugs anymore. I have no comfort except for my best friend, but sometimes even she can't help. I need someone to help me. What do I do?",1.5093937418513692,3.910862703389832,2.8500000000000014,90.79649934810949,82.98305084745763,5.664667535853977,25.178617992177315,7.010146845296331,1.1377462842242512,461,19,93,6,13,149,79,118,0.263,0.541,0.196,-0.8765,0,0,3,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,4,4,9,0,0,5,0,12,7,0,2,0,16,20,5,3,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,1,17,5,16,14,3,16,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,12,64,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009513175619895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482470088255477,0.1249358171207148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216697836132448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458886681350028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32764091824002195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330300859134746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356348210685715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091395947154997,0.0,0.07380418942195607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298108238078737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840572274864829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997783728964327,0.06901406202550785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423600759850223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094897396056008,0.0,0.13643287484399394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823196104485853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031400020820793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200852901216185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969184744956818,0.1087513096808787,0.27942582562439794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22562594140780046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635570250325177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121471982736602,0.1647434110479664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590843724027734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440120908837166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331281486732454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096886664851417
suicidewatch,melancholy23,2019/01/01,I started my journal today. There's a few people who deserve to know why. I have to do this but it also terrifies me that I've gone from thinking about it to preparing for it. ,0.7620270270270275,2.9308262162162184,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,84.13513513513513,5.8621621621621625,25.466216216216218,7.1686216300943375,1.3461945945945957,138,6,28,2,4,48,31,37,0.136,0.8640000000000001,0.0,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975482789077305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27320524697804904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446417970661233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518655059474299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185357007776769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712135232576453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485752771049112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Another_Settlement22,2019/01/01,"I have shitty friends and I don’t want to face them at school tomorrow. I just need someone to not talk down to me like I’m some piece of trash that’s holes than human. I asked them. I asked them many times. “We’re not doing anything for New Years, right guys?” “No jack were staying in tomorrow.....”






They had a party without me. Lied to my fucking  face. I hate them. They knew I would be alone, and they still lied to me. I’d run in front of a train for these people and they treat me like I’m some piece of gutter trash. I would’ve done anything for those people, but I guess not. I just need somebody to talk to me like I matter.",0.143483709273184,2.2596372330827066,1.353714285714286,101.14961904761907,86.44360902255639,4.148170426065163,16.385463659147867,5.2151,-0.9783579949874684,484,10,116,2,15,152,78,133,0.077,0.7909999999999999,0.131,0.5723,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,8,0,3,7,2,0,2,0,8,3,2,0,0,19,19,4,0,4,7,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,25,5,19,13,4,14,0,0,0,1,15,5,1,3,9,72,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292980984019164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29069397920289763,0.0,0.3302403013964461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074828008599653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364597214326628,0.16328658896160672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457190062072655,0.1748861146892861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438021762904315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25886956159641616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906961368613314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619297935281917,0.0,0.17058513130821393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489850558793005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508364362751766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875351636546044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496534434025094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882583141321306,0.14105262710911556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839283128203798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299121981382756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417776038643856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025980356235504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25093808471266577,0.0,0.0,0.11374044620800075
suicidewatch,77fml77,2019/01/01,Need advice on how to hang myself or where to get cheva in the Chicago area so I can OD and die thanks! ,6.452608695652174,3.3644481739130465,7.232173913043479,84.17695652173914,67.26086956521739,9.2,27.347826086956523,3.1291,0.833208695652174,80,1,19,0,1,27,22,23,0.155,0.738,0.107,-0.3164,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078510272382589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393731369285562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715251161148481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853556709773868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784757793841611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,memesftwmbot,2019/01/01,"Would anyone care? I’m gonna be honest, I’m 17 and I’ve definitely thought of it and I really thought I would and some points but right now I’m not. Nothing much has changed for me but I don’t want to put my family through this because of my shit. But the other day I was just thinking and o realised that apart from my family and about 1 or 2 close friends, I feel like people would forget me and move on. I had another good friend that died this time last year and he was very popular and people still talk about him a lot and I’m
not particularly introverted or anything, I’d say I was quite lucky in life if anything and I definitely have quite a few friends, some good ones, but apart from my family and maybe four or five others, I don’t think anybody would really care that much.",1.6368788343558265,3.732145950920248,3.1512231595092035,90.61493289877302,80.28834355828221,6.774386503067484,21.84394171779141,7.8658589789855275,0.8775524539877302,622,19,138,11,16,204,98,163,0.067,0.674,0.259,0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,1,0,3,0,13,2,1,0,0,38,26,19,1,6,11,0,1,1,3,5,1,1,0,0,8,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,6,2,16,11,11,14,6,15,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,8,7,84,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131167532198568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746567671666934,0.0,0.2058764472147096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625356366669847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550747176862866,0.0,0.13232839193795307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067255420057275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982343369172974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537705116042289,0.0,0.0632491469988037,0.08936415775557105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28993214149292784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983873098472933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196485928401397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835460495632033,0.061112543827749076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063468504789447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566948868239966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295063072599894,0.18391075013597136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002700944653233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476406651888913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344299457761925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182502666572654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574977038682802,0.0,0.2660967391946666,0.0,0.0,0.16027142146244486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068259813843154,0.0,0.09947640703465667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128402852859094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989685310701638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005424200174556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030494935053066,0.0,0.19861461181998566,0.07294085170845763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321216195029734,0.07378118819645471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554407386982612,0.0,0.0,0.08055371161841239
suicidewatch,nearsightedghost0608,2019/01/01,There is just to much that time can't erase. The pain is just to much,-1.5337499999999975,0.3452831250000017,-0.6699999999999982,114.115,92.75,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.8074000000000003,54,0,16,0,2,16,12,16,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.4023,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7712631056938603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5581971895012363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30589069849928824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,verysad1120,2019/01/01,I don’t know if I can survive the change I’ve been home schooled my whole life and I’m wanting to start normal school I’m in 7th grade now and I fell stupid even though I get good grades and I feel like that transition will push me over the edge of a plank that I’m already about to fall off of ,0.7690909090909095,2.3561877272727294,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,80.81818181818181,5.006060606060606,18.575757575757574,5.46131890053228,-0.7823151515151516,234,5,61,1,6,72,50,66,0.056,0.855,0.08900000000000001,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,8,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,32,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802700067640863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761101130814271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723922344313163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197265435169794,0.18646299060965446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636504671107708,0.0,0.0,0.2189197453870042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181065304060364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344226560675147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435650587511998,0.12751452005012914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557308088724928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283047270459045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474163992180015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25643741644884305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539483093375546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914042718547945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CustodyOrDie,2019/01/01,"My wifes behavior makes me suicidal Throw away bc obviously

I've had the thoughts since I knew it was an option, and at every stop there has been someone whose reaction made me not. But now it's my 2 yo daughter by my literally head smashing frustrating wife. We have fought for 2x as long as we've been married and I'm done. I want to be free of this. But I can't be trusted alone. She almost positively would move them 600 mi away and being that far and the life insurance I have would be enough for me to check out. And therein is the conundrum: Stay and want to kill myself or divorce and likely actually do it. In the mean time I'm *only* trying to give myself another concussion to forget. 

If you're taking a shit at 11:59 12/31 then two minutes later its the same shit, different year. Happy fuckin new year.",3.999396728016362,5.287886398773011,5.199524539877302,81.97797801635994,71.5153374233129,8.62351738241309,27.080265848670763,9.075114841892004,2.1020229038854805,645,22,129,13,12,214,120,163,0.159,0.76,0.081,-0.9414,1,1,0,0,1,1,17.0,1,0,1,0,2,10,6,0,7,0,17,5,3,2,1,29,29,14,2,5,5,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,6,0,1,9,0,15,5,17,14,2,19,0,0,0,1,10,7,3,4,10,81,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.15573917593316536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980875093153327,0.16528961178476498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734656265030992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998846554307172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674010656331426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331845024207914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490162683453646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344634931263776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309558705584286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698890937863396,0.0,0.0,0.16378786059806116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656536204009093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127248426949338,0.07796879283287968,0.0,0.0,0.14123426553537538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101020222054795,0.10652917652496624,0.0,0.0,0.17384292647412686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962148087459025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413534926221129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137722341002895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276386419763334,0.13201649518906633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352221356588284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010428035396902,0.0,0.13342640533725442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456819953411726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999363484843716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669855116997875,0.09305962081925663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835277412520046,0.0,0.1558986001463054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826348298206547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22673974591896146,0.0,0.0,0.20554456613025796
suicidewatch,sigga-yr,2019/01/01,"I dont know anymore Im clearly an ungrateful shit, my parents are good people, yes they fuck up sometimes but who doesn't? Its obvously hard to live with a sad moody teenager, and yeah Im just a kid, so i guess its not that serious to most people but, i just self harm when i overthink or when im just to lost in my head, i used to cut but i just didnt want blood evidence so i turned to hitting myself and scratching (i have dogs so it would make sense to have scratches). I just dont feel in place anymore and im unsure of my status in other poeples lives and 2018 was a hard year and i dont want tobe in 2019 at all, i dont know why im making this, ill probably be dead before anyone even considers answering to the edgy teenage dumbass, 

Thanks for atleast reading this, sorry if i drop a suicide bomb on my first post.

I hope i didnt violate any rules? Sorry

And sorry if my grammar just hit you in the face im typing as fast as i can.

Thank you :)",0.4758792102206755,2.4218141024390256,2.607386759581882,93.75593495934959,83.58536585365853,5.660859465737517,21.957026713124275,6.868970318607317,0.4926538908246227,741,25,169,9,21,250,125,205,0.258,0.61,0.132,-0.9841,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,2,1,2,12,13,4,0,7,2,14,6,4,3,2,35,31,19,2,6,13,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,4,5,24,4,20,23,2,16,0,2,0,1,7,9,2,6,5,101,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268342389220366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282934770550988,0.06445220189331045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843571647737968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321223613711109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060881944953675486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660738869204509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840558779220301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521601932248475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731357466240411,0.0,0.0,0.10154320050623994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514471765106692,0.0,0.09460004868784767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915524178240019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5974009415405398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013159803573417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162787707635887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006219285354985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305753612190995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102351491716182,0.0,0.0,0.12780765350628787,0.0,0.0963051971099082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827994932574755,0.0,0.09938224252249027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220180173886901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961605652647918,0.0,0.09461821947550472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116526889722153,0.3095533355930569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008265210558156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972813183388655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002619515700108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961120927129124,0.0,0.0,0.1087365973962664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317527658537584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654797947939552,0.0,0.0,0.05935887401070036
suicidewatch,curiouselise,2019/01/01,"I would be better off dead My mental health has been the worst it’s ever been for about two months now. I’m honestly losing myself so much. People are worried about me but I don’t understand why, yes, I’m suffering and it’s obvious but if the thought of me being dead puts me at ease and makes me calm then they can’t be mad. They should want what’s best for me. I’m just so lost. I can’t stop doing drugs and I keep drinking. My self harm is at its worst. I’m just at such a loss. I genuinely believe my expiration date has come, I don’t think I’m going to find any happiness ever again. I’m just done. I can’t do it anymore.  ",-0.6813938618925839,1.3895103405797116,1.8555924978687168,96.2173273657289,90.52173913043478,5.276044330775789,16.813299232736572,6.794906146795322,-0.1807728900255752,489,12,117,7,17,167,85,138,0.263,0.58,0.156,-0.9622,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,5,12,13,1,0,3,1,19,3,0,1,3,23,34,9,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,4,1,2,4,1,0,3,5,8,0,1,5,0,18,5,10,24,4,15,0,4,0,0,3,4,0,1,8,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351143268527474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012349413821974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046295179551769,0.19060454771309787,0.16063281886168046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645411436547565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586574159217306,0.0,0.17792364922962553,0.21062768661637016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285809654885072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600223443661766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322184395481188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334350992319496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193059201481416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143691245675362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031922535509116,0.1982654708579264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212362985729266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303558439724332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497158222676926,0.0,0.13351549410277094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259161147598717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258359246639214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947479965524847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518468840429707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163781589919658,0.0,0.14419020102723573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742152761322838,0.18907834340783167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712730811283257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638885838897433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844493091811623,0.0,0.12902140254570713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustASadGirl_,2019/01/01,"I’m Okay Today I only ever post here when I’m feeling suicidal. Since this is my secondary account I almost never delete the posts. 

I feel okay today. When I read the posts I’ve made while at my worst, I can’t really remember writing them. I can remember the pain but not the words I wrote. It feels so far away when I feel okay. 

I wrote this mostly so I have a record for myself OF myself acknowledging that I feel okay and that I don’t ALWAYS feel suicidal. When I feel this way I don’t believe it will ever go away. 

I hope I keep feeling okay. 

I hope you’ll feel okay soon, too.",0.3477351916376321,2.534402780487806,2.5144773519163763,92.68335365853659,86.23577235772358,5.465505226480834,17.728803716608592,6.868970318607317,0.0392559814169573,454,11,100,6,14,153,68,123,0.114,0.696,0.191,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,11,10,0,0,5,6,8,1,0,1,3,28,26,9,2,2,2,0,9,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,12,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,3,9,23,8,5,21,2,20,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,11,65,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592936415956651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046414721928429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363092368814035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168720589292932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751223467117496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722872682801624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147167624309624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498139103944011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117802811761947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899610400802417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699301003512403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564530401734456,0.13381632738347915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613267657149119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579292379844512,0.0,0.08056436623551616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849206180316889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040290547346567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751196319559496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384094493779544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982155460222916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayNeedude,2019/01/01,"Thank you to the reddit people of this sub Im back.

But Im for sure this time, i love my son and he will know how much I loved him. The letter is specifically for him explaining why this happened. Im tired Mentally. 

Thank you for all of you that talked before. 

I have my stuff ready to go.

Thanks to all of you. I hope 2019 is a great year for you all. ",-0.636637806637804,1.3586018441558458,1.385627705627705,100.36669552669552,89.0,4.9806637806637815,13.750360750360752,6.42735559955562,-0.947108513708514,270,4,69,3,9,89,49,77,0.032,0.6579999999999999,0.31,0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,0,2,8,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,4,10,14,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,8,10,13,4,4,0,0,0,2,14,0,0,1,3,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171003774375803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575362555482185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734702026234557,0.0,0.0,0.18884582359791413,0.0,0.0,0.15146957224504407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701278119899181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550618841131464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413550437817712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091885407067847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261819843916956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591652126898115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874965710020773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960839862266507,0.0,0.0,0.16143708292022152,0.0,0.0,0.13767495112931527,0.0,0.4730974296748501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998795154577449,0.196870565867346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456094064417492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030397227781527
suicidewatch,PainBot,2019/01/01,"All I want to, is to have the guts to kill myself This hapenned when I was taking music classes on a Music school (where I had normal subjects like history or math too) 

Years ago, there was this one girl I couldnt stop think about. We dated for 2 years and those were the best memories of my life. But things got a little though and we started breaking up every other month and it was feeling like an infinte loop. Thats when the suicide toughts started and it followed me with a suicide attempt, I used to hate my family I really couldn't stand near them or I would have some kind of mental breakdown. After more and more problems with my Ex, I could only see one solution, which was being brave enough to leave her. Which was when I decided to break up with her on her birthday, just so I could end this up for once and for all. This hapenned when school year ended.

After holidays and about to start a new school year I heard that my ex was about to join the same school. And the only way out I saw was to leave that same school and give up on my musician dream.

And that's exactly what I did. 4 days before 1st school day, I changed to a normal school where I learned computer science and eletronics.

I was always feeling the need to go back to my ex and old school.

Then 4 years passed. I hated the course I took. Left my musician dream. And didn't get anything close to a girlfriend because I couldn't have any contact with a girl because I'm too shy. AND also still had feelings for my ex.

​

I finished school and had hundreds of panic attacks because I didn't know what to do, which path to take. 

1 month ago I got a job at McDonald's and oh boy, that feels like the biggest mistake of my life, I hate it with everything I have, the managers are mean to me, some employers do me a nightmare and I have terrible shifts (sometimes 11am- 22pm which would make me lose all day). 

All I want to do with this job is to stop working and leave it without notice, because if i give notice I'll have to work another 30 days just to give time to the house. Which sucks considering I can't survive another day in there.

​

Yesteday was new year's eve and oh god, that was the most depressing I've ever had, I was having fun with the drinks till like 3 am but after that, all I felt was emptiness, as if i had no soul or feelings. Well maybe I had feelings cause I had a tear on my eyes and it just wouldn't go off. 

​

Today 01/01 I was supposed to flip some burgers at McDonalds but I missed work thanks to the hangover I had. Tomorrow I have a long shift too and all I want to do is to disappear or kill myself before it because I cant miss another day and I don't even know what happens if I just stop going to work, my mom keeps telling my they can sue me and thats why I can't take it or simply tell her I won't go anymore. 

​

I feel lost, want to commite suicide, still in love with 4 years ago ex, ran away from music dream and lost 4 years taking a course I hate. This is my life and I'm afraid of seeking for help. This is also the first time I've written anything about my life publicly and I'm only doing it because I don't think I can go through this alone anymore.

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suicidewatch,Cloud-23,2019/01/01,"Would not getting medical help be considered suicide? I've been sick for a long time. Mostly mentally, but now it's physical too.. I don't have anyone to help me to be honest. I realized my parents and friends do not care to help in the way I need. I'm going through Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms (PAWS) due to antidepressant... I've tried going to many Drs but either they don't believe me or they just want to do trial and errors with many drugs. My family don't want me going to any more Drs but I feel like I need to keep trying till I find the right one who listens. I tried a natural Dr but my parents didn't want me to take anything from her bc ""they didn't trust her"".


Would not getting Medical help be considered suicide?

I'm don't want to live anymore but I'm scared of suicide because I hear it can affect reincarnation.. I don't know what I believe anymore. I don't know what I believe anymore.. I don't want to make things worse than it already is.",1.8530430136254308,3.939748725888328,3.5481004541811423,88.09176329147743,79.50761421319797,6.583916644402884,26.104461661768635,7.669130373188453,1.4888030456852794,757,31,156,12,19,252,103,197,0.21600000000000005,0.674,0.11,-0.9811,2,0,1,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,1,4,0,20,8,0,2,0,32,44,9,3,9,11,2,1,1,1,2,8,2,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,3,12,1,0,1,3,3,25,5,19,36,3,12,0,0,0,0,15,2,0,2,6,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332550051700918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983551416266158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30553487768142673,0.07180610723937864,0.0,0.08450849980072417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260137433993251,0.0,0.0,0.3471032751034008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470348609756452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909256068001088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681086436024336,0.0,0.05192522601645592,0.0733646904252482,0.0,0.0,0.09386055316492167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934121217866702,0.0,0.10730686453191196,0.0,0.1750902824624523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157437219566838,0.0,0.2753347803870026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127924064307354,0.0,0.0,0.11287599084116234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017115330830405,0.0,0.0906807777576358,0.09088105293292296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854911372935345,0.20823141165848397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069070172887996,0.10349150575409576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522927579365584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695881845197133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280593051715537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835256705216576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770020610578677,0.0,0.0,0.10281471604989643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369920547706907,0.0,0.0,0.10673849784816188,0.0772131878828173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822540140173827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598817595258019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916767251998614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30285822454934,0.08151380196960034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465406824371107,0.145901894081768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessRoomful,2019/01/01,"Reincarnation If it's real, I get a chance at a better life

If it's not real (probably), I get out of this game. I'm fine with that. Can't remember last time I was happy besides dreaming about a different life.",0.5254545454545436,2.7528133636363634,3.664727272727273,84.46209090909093,85.81818181818181,7.156363636363636,22.43636363636364,8.238735603445708,1.5972690909090916,164,6,34,4,5,59,33,44,0.0,0.743,0.257,0.8555,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304646725153217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27225399136159983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722879433198133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773956717760224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241009511968773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681152541143512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809527731544485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5932014821116824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951899784240776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519481648706945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,romeodendron,2019/01/01,"it’s going to be another long, friendless year. so why not stop now? I’m tired of people getting exhausted with me. I know I’m a headache, and I’m, for lack of a less cliche word, a burden. I just want a friend, but I’m in my first year of college and everyone’s already paired off. I don’t have a room mate, so I can spend all day in bed when school is out and no one cares. I just don’t really see the point of continuing such a meaningless existence. I don’t have anything to really keep me tethered here. Tonight would be a good night. ",1.4807826086956517,3.0494983391304373,3.362826086956524,91.43554347826091,78.65217391304348,7.382608695652173,23.67391304347826,8.238735603445708,1.1862347826086954,419,14,98,8,10,141,78,115,0.14300000000000002,0.741,0.116,-0.2245,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,8,0,10,2,0,0,1,17,21,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,9,3,12,18,3,18,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,11,59,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395653083490483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276388339735473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864738933879518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213387350397676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000573056513346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074397464043477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465748717753,0.0,0.0,0.1677239621590446,0.0,0.11342108339375323,0.0,0.12337781380676888,0.18208562455661628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929604487142132,0.0,0.0,0.11930753196633252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211869675964136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372519015745968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710647476393385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505035597786469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052211577646409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27814809724225503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970767417601053,0.17299341402393434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814977902816114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249514160311797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804589191171173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589085423678065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421521230856064,0.0,0.0,0.27959896290946584
suicidewatch,vrbz,2019/01/01,"how is a ""right to life"" a right and no compulsion if there is no right to die? whats the difference to forcing us to live, if they withhold euthanasia? you dont really expect us to become murderers, just because we dont wanna make use of our ""right to life"", do you? government? does rejecting my right to life require facing the horrifying act of suicide by hanging or drowning or cutting my wrist? ",4.254848484848488,5.947629571428571,5.659155844155843,77.34682900432901,71.46753246753245,9.28917748917749,32.31385281385281,9.725611199111238,3.3870969696969686,315,15,57,8,6,106,52,77,0.29100000000000004,0.7090000000000001,0.0,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,4,2,1,1,3,3,2,0,4,0,5,5,2,3,0,14,7,6,4,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,11,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,4,0,40,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939404449528602,0.17019589997660947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599357530307182,0.16100601242621346,0.0,0.0,0.13485755927550214,0.0,0.361217776259573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32654490508182243,0.0,0.0,0.13607676670110816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286570083736954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872304926769417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6580204085695187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856490188663295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707365788144254,0.13309648631497015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,24300,2019/01/01,"I don't know what it is that's making me depressed and suicidal I'm 18 years old and from England, back in 2017 I failed my first year of college. However, they let me restart and change my subjects. I am in my final year now have submitted my University application and most likely will receive an offer from the one I want to go to. 2018 was awful because I was suicidal all the way until June because I was excited for the summer holidays (they went fine). I thought that my depression didn't exist anymore but I've recently become more irritable, felt deep feelings of sadness and ultimately, constantly thinking of wanting to end my life. My main cause last year was failing college. But I don't know what it is this time. 

​

Also, I don't really have many if any friends and barely leave the house. I just like to play video games in my spare time.",3.910153977758772,5.9071943053892255,4.960346449957228,80.7454640718563,73.01197604790418,8.124721984602223,30.49144568006844,8.841846274778883,2.662451154833191,687,31,127,14,14,225,110,167,0.152,0.7559999999999999,0.092,-0.9144,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,3,4,11,0,0,5,1,15,1,0,2,1,22,27,11,2,3,4,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,4,0,3,4,5,0,2,8,2,22,6,14,17,4,26,0,5,0,0,6,4,0,2,20,82,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147459998588124,0.0,0.15546742412840334,0.17435164736217434,0.09757565332637533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422999250988506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033216319303217,0.0,0.17493592117386653,0.15846942473693768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740002919786738,0.15178955597606988,0.0,0.0,0.1550577936788136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24716920392477515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708633659219193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255102097299841,0.0,0.1377694188006622,0.15718230698208047,0.0,0.12204943473443902,0.0,0.0,0.110857215084116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815466118598811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556400845423738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771271513136675,0.11696054406177606,0.0,0.15193135016547354,0.0,0.14672453688269918,0.10134866794912237,0.1402003871781597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577826750879534,0.14547266014483948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505648104221563,0.0,0.09723007913268576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192104409023913,0.0,0.14167548203820285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313901604403916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194027346033436,0.0,0.1139121517952508,0.16733611481554905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926395963426905,0.11389280336326515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330133043847468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435164736217434,0.3696020767641873
suicidewatch,MatthewGarcia_,2019/01/01,"I'm feeling even worse than Christmas. New year. A time meant for renewal. Regeneration. Forgetting old fights and crafting new friendships. Kindling the flame of love, or lighting a new one. But now... It just feels like I'm shoving a red-hot iron rod on a gashing wound.

I... I got an escape from my mother. I'm finally free for a bit. But... Having a clear mind just feels even worse. It's like switching an anaesthetic for poison gas. It's... Dreadful..it's like finally wandering into a clear, evergreen-filled field just so you can see it burn into ashes. Feel the destruction searing away at your skin. The embers scorching your cheeks. The smoke clogging your nose, and making your eyes water. 
And now, you've got no turning back. Or even worse, you're just gonna have to have yourself dazed again. It's crazy.

I'm afraid of doing anything. I've become... Fragile. Brittle. I'm a scaredy cat. I'm afraid of missing, so I end up tripping somewhere and miss anyways. I'm afraid of being cocky, so I hold back. Afraid of discussion, so I remain silent. Afraid of the silence, so I talk insanely. Afraid of confrontation, so I curl up. Afraid of living, so every day, I inch closer to the abyss I once ran from. And if I ever get up and try to walk away, a phantasmal hand comes out, like a pit viper, and lunges at my legs, dragging me back closer, until I give up again. It's... Tantalizing.

I... Most people have a significant other to look to. I have my friends, but... I doubt any of them would miss me. I had a Katydid once, but she... Passed away. Whenever people would scream and shout, she'd be there. Happily munching on something, just as scared as me, albeit curious... Just like me. Welcoming. She'd try to eat my finger if I let her. Her name was Celeste​. I loved her so damn much... I still do... But I feel so ridiculous. People out there dating and finding someone to share their heartbeats with. Meanwhile, here I am... Befriending a bug. Yet she liked me more than even my mother probably did.

It's new year. Yet my family's still fighting. Honestly, fuck my mother. Fuck her. But... Seeing my grandma and pa argue and fight, as childish as it may seem, it hurts. Like wasp venom straight into your heart. It makes me want to throw my stomach up. It's disheartening. I just want them to be fine, I just want them to be fine...
Besides, they're my safety net. I plan to stay with them once my mother moves out and... I just realized what a selfish prick I am.

I won't make it anywhere in life. I'm sure of it. I dream of becoming a writer. But that's all it is. A dream. A halcyon never to be. A sight never to be seen. A future never to become past. It's scary. I'll end up living under a bridge. 

I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it. 

Seeing such a sunset after a heavy, thundering rain is... Ironic. Feeling the few dripping onto my feet, my wet fingers dipped in a small pool... And knowing I'll never achieve something like this... I am a disgrace to myself. 

I'm sorry. I... I honestly did not wanna see even a second of 2019. Yet here I am... The biggest pussy alive... (unfortunately)",-0.022303550059831426,2.3247630779816544,1.9955411514426304,93.41692161946553,93.29663608562693,4.678340646190668,19.341111554314587,6.391308007922933,0.16773293445020654,2479,80,524,30,92,821,298,654,0.13699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.129,-0.8489,0,0,3,0,4,0,176.0,0,6,5,2,42,48,12,9,35,0,31,22,13,11,9,95,100,38,0,8,29,5,12,8,1,13,3,3,0,0,27,22,2,1,11,3,1,7,15,29,0,2,9,25,70,20,66,69,6,72,0,5,8,4,37,29,4,8,43,314,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044322708014925605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363525430230959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837082793495971,0.15035165291190614,0.0,0.0,0.21594917797009333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115658471809759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056144357473569266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203388020633593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669251248787303,0.0,0.0,0.11545524723511524,0.0,0.0,0.21524451776940634,0.05895647826270314,0.05491457356519122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614432316445352,0.0,0.1977332014174732,0.046562580533877664,0.0,0.14279679940602558,0.059570749094198024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035571690292676,0.12051047974405625,0.03405237923477647,0.06252387679667523,0.0,0.0,0.10425626766497798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723525572563775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977350440972467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035819665996124045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664806829552833,0.04603655998269777,0.2547381693132827,0.0,0.11510526365586572,0.0,0.054732404292883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764987430729155,0.0,0.4785689097919992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581035790878903,0.0,0.0,0.06927301286877773,0.047912716514794035,0.0,0.20107459437633265,0.2517940529211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839247191450767,0.20823466445098168,0.04416573459417726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062218980058026,0.1355569213522942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027200882912721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525371358336066,0.0,0.20775105168096655,0.05933484419674762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522440138677545,0.10035313356968376,0.0,0.07296050139258486,0.0,0.06947018703784875,0.10410113819007982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061428707773848915,0.0,0.0,0.05238693729916434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800532973380994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850203497388738,0.07089404069704805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153295438652004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926330170073395,0.09259997764387254,0.0,0.0,0.08394391619052116
suicidewatch,Air_Show,2019/01/01,"I’ve been single for 15 years and I don’t want to live to see 16. My whole life I’ve only been in three actual relationships.  All of them combined lasted less than a year and the last of them was 15 years ago.

That’s a rough estimate.  I was 20, I’ve been alone all the way to 35.

I know it’s my fault.  I don’t blame women or feel any of that entitled incel bullshit.  I’m just broken and worthless and no woman is ever going to want me for the rest of my life.

So I don’t see the point anymore.  My best years, the years I should have spend having more sex than at any other point in my life have gone by completely dry and I have no one to blame but myself.

If by 2020 I can’t find anyone who wants to sleep with me I’m just going to end it.  It’ll be better then further painful decades of working and sleeping with nothing to live for.",0.7075988428158162,2.367497863387978,2.600585020893604,95.59079074252656,81.29508196721312,5.3987785278045655,18.414979106396657,6.2272716619740125,-0.3238843458694953,651,14,155,5,17,217,105,183,0.114,0.8270000000000001,0.058,-0.7845,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,3,4,5,0,0,7,0,17,7,2,0,3,23,29,11,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,3,0,1,3,6,3,0,2,6,4,18,2,25,20,8,21,0,1,2,1,6,6,0,2,11,99,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.1328725013095869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069760879340387,0.0,0.0,0.14102067785280534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518691403583845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503411505964244,0.09520622542861372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289150091120892,0.12042243932864252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276115078028045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059732980166628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316449920224162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884657814792856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444775698094568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547657113798457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482996532367679,0.2219771170407147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288521466461977,0.0,0.0,0.2404635176909001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064917517194571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226552778394456,0.10355580206372868,0.14488382104892192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25743038794141515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618486442750184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700375423554075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27251663061319537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093205584781974,0.1080774561415746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520177575683747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912608869614037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384128217687762
suicidewatch,bymysidefornever,2019/01/01,i’m really sad but i have to keep telling myself pain doesn’t last forever and it’s gonna be okay even though i’m so so sad ,-2.8870000000000005,-1.3285090333333294,0.5166666666666693,102.045,106.0,5.066666666666666,12.666666666666668,6.742157984588678,-0.6601333333333335,99,2,27,2,5,35,25,30,0.335,0.595,0.07,-0.8716,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906905754487918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911927771551613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587509468672237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683114068691013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28194774459136823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384678279538624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324089214344228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kazengen,2019/01/01,Just found out im ugly and i feel worthless. Posted on the amiugly and i always thought me looking decent was at least one good quality i had. I shouldnt be allowed to breed. My life is worthless.,-0.3216071428571432,1.8058446250000024,1.9785714285714284,91.055,102.75,4.285714285714287,23.214285714285715,6.18269132825596,0.8651785714285709,155,7,30,2,7,52,34,40,0.217,0.7140000000000001,0.069,-0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,9,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,2,6,1,4,3,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30942732503958564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880296755379918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077384945601024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119086214957877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016856137917131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26266421747219104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122788529239549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251990116564401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35615061675969445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29522485906665624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SMILEY_37,2019/01/01,Tonight is worse Self harming tendencies are creeping back to me and I'm gonna get fucking wasted ,3.399473684210527,6.151478684210532,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,77.94736842105263,5.905263157894738,35.8157894736842,7.1686216300943375,2.7355052631578944,81,5,14,1,2,25,19,19,0.421,0.579,0.0,-0.8805,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921042856586355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714215772749986,0.2664171010341778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319676477404106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196616934908354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tengurin,2019/01/01,I’m lost. So lost. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t get out of this. I want nothing more than to be happy. ,-4.331785714285715,-3.234699178571427,-0.34171428571428564,107.4867142857143,112.21428571428572,2.24,12.742857142857144,3.1291,-1.9318942857142856,85,2,25,0,5,31,21,28,0.166,0.65,0.183,0.1217,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,10,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,5,7,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357110966311727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685757567891605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603503366031101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603631910786766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7390476069127863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32480960719859303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966204996060816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lkpjho,2019/01/01,"Will weed make me happy enough to save my life? I am so insanely miserable, I cant stand every minute of my existence. I have never done weed but its legal in Canada now. I am scared of it because I think I will do it all the time. 

But at this point I am about to end my life and maybe if I become a pothead then I will be ok.

Should I smoke weed?",0.2797402597402616,1.7452941168831195,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,81.85714285714286,5.9584415584415575,17.493506493506494,6.868970318607317,-0.2425532467532463,265,5,66,3,7,91,55,77,0.08199999999999999,0.792,0.126,0.3118,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,1,12,2,0,1,2,10,14,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,14,3,7,8,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,49,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890344115541742,0.3060095488265763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354575803936083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24540779766921356,0.2862943942550064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334491481558021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949533981547441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39141506577396507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495091072874914,0.0,0.2783608800170598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213698703847728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26192712832751736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774022060274045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753962095396605,0.0,0.0,0.16156570607264467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spoapy69,2019/01/01,"I Need Someone To Talk To Good evening, reddit. I need help, this is my cry for help. I'm struggling and suffering. My boyfriend of four years recently dumped me, let's call him X. Before X, I was with a guy that we will call Y. When Y broke up with me, I attempted suicide. I lived. I didnt take the time to become a stable human before jumping in with X. Now that X is gone, I'm afraid of falling into those thoughts again. 

I don't want to kill myself but I dont want to be alive. I've been googling things like suicide by cop and how to get run over but I don't want to do it. I need help and I dont know where else to go. If anyone would like to try and help me through this tough time so I don't let those thoughts consume me, please do. I need you, nice people of reddit. Please help me..",0.010295439948620809,1.8871608612716777,1.5953275529865143,100.74330603725114,84.89595375722544,4.538086062941555,18.85966602440591,5.46131890053228,-0.6059991008349388,611,16,152,3,18,197,101,173,0.139,0.647,0.214,0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,1,0,1,7,11,2,2,3,0,17,0,0,1,0,24,33,10,3,9,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,3,0,0,5,6,7,0,1,6,0,24,4,22,22,0,17,0,2,0,0,13,5,0,1,9,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400665482856214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268830811447915,0.20446538572113815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535850873083875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197124885038009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816129859728953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036391166129724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935320105092909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276966595206289,0.0,0.06827993461904479,0.10077009922761004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896028292818413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026460065082105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329202322612501,0.0,0.06602735314291855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457083515026845,0.0,0.11739142867809478,0.0,0.10608831323046088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563375217157068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832919056072277,0.0,0.0,0.26376148139822925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862654290667485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179662347676448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255993636962364,0.0,0.2628334953062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033245042877884,0.09656624965464897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981755266288576,0.0,0.0,0.19075996168323872,0.1401124917199879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156908997588233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259004819931296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534601391285905,0.0,0.0,0.07736803853937176
suicidewatch,shadi1337,2019/01/01,"Holidays and New Years just makes me realise how sucky it is to be alone Recently over the holidays (coz I don’t spend it with family as we don’t celebrate them) nothing is going on, I’ve literally gone to the cinema alone twice these past few days and plan to do it this weekend again. I just feel so alone and the holidays bring it out because I see so many people busy celebrating, and it made me realise that the only reason I don’t actively think about it and only when I have time off is because work numbs it and brings just a tiny bit structure to my life. Meaning this year where I’ve lost about 65 kilos, gotten a job and generally improved my way of living it feels like I’ve made no progress towards being happier, idk what I can do to prevent it. Life feels so pointless and honestly except for my parents it just feels like everyone’s lives I’ve come across will just be like “damn he ain’t here anymore” and move on, don’t feel like I’ve had an impact on anyone who hasn’t had to have one. 
I feel like the progress I’ve made should have done at least something. It should be noted I’m nowhere near my goal weight. ",3.653598166539343,4.853925813852818,4.523264578558695,86.8351489686784,72.24675324675323,7.859536541889483,26.575248281130644,8.313332769828598,1.5786412528647822,897,30,189,14,17,290,134,231,0.078,0.735,0.188,0.9804,2,3,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,6,15,9,1,0,8,0,25,4,0,7,0,38,46,15,0,2,6,1,7,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,17,13,1,1,9,5,1,6,7,3,0,2,9,8,15,6,23,30,3,28,0,1,1,0,5,11,1,0,15,115,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560027480583735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362994603538555,0.08011514907109117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969058148715413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508879388532068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869824398765546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389291375016392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725241222968362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948357061914188,0.0,0.0,0.10801333101188733,0.0,0.3476025131670512,0.3274163346791155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511694998131569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370034298928425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185874534813804,0.2798835350427589,0.0,0.20234780319497367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507471533379588,0.0,0.0,0.3252475844965408,0.07648127264175944,0.116163452021491,0.0,0.1248083266033042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177759321764955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065952122415257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099400600936936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764057948160223,0.17428247957866416,0.0,0.0,0.12722459086912202,0.0,0.10937704785954733,0.07943350973510628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780460141719536,0.11313131308646247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130331573013777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820724385927106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341654118594314,0.0,0.0,0.0668109757719595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094616944454832,0.0,0.1395243482824435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341367738268421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756811715855314
suicidewatch,Renaynay1,2019/01/01,Leaving this world soon I bought helium and will end it all soon. I am just sorry about what it will do to my parents.,2.152799999999999,3.470065280000004,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,76.2,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.2798000000000003,92,2,21,1,2,30,21,25,0.056,0.944,0.0,-0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226417365350577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052669814073216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298542903275633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341663327650278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boricua336,2019/01/01,"Long post. Tired of being me. I’m just done. Im exhausted. I literally can’t do it anymore. Anytime I am presented with a potential relationship, I fuck it up with exposing my feelings too soon. Ive tried all the online dating apps because I sure as hell cant meet someone the more natural way. I’m talking to this girl now felt like we genuinely connected and we were so engaged with each other but things are rapidly deteriorating. I can just sense that she will ghost me or call it a quits any day now. This girl was the last straw, I promised myself that even before we started to seriously talk. I’m done. I’m tired of being rejected. I’ve been flaked on way too many times now. It hurts so much, people have no idea. I see my friends on Instagram with their girlfriends and SOs and it just fills me with self-hatred. Why can’t that be me. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m 23. I just want to be loved. I want to hold someone close to me and cuddle with. I wanna tell them everything. I wanna smile with them, cry, laugh, do all these things but I just can’t. I fuck everything up. I care too much. I’m clingy. I’m desperate. No one wants me. I deleted all my online dating apps because I thought this thing with this girl was gonna work. But it’s not. I can just feel it. I’ve been rejected so many times where I can pick up on these things. I’m not gonna redownload the apps because i don’t wanna get hurt again like I’m getting hurt now. 

Don’t fucking tell me to work on myself because I have. Same results. And don’t you dare tell me that I need to be happy with myself because that sure as hell doesn’t fix anything either. I’ve tried therapy with a counselor. Nothing. I’ve tried neurological treatment. Nothing. Not lowering my standards so I’m guessing I’ll just keep complaining then. Hopefully it will bring me closer to killing myself honestly cause i sure am on the brink right now. Any advice you give me does not fucking work. I’m done. I really am done. I don’t wanna keep going. I keep getting hurt. I keep putting myself out there, I try, but nothing seems to work. I’m social, I’m funny, I like to think that I’m good looking, people tell me I’m handsome, but how genuine are they really being? I feel hideous. I wanna cry. I’m pathetic for wanting to kill myself because I can’t get a girlfriend. Hell, I can’t even hook up with anyone. I’ve tried that too and it just feels wrong. 

Smiling in public is a chore now. I have no reason to be happy. I have nothing to look forward to. I’m starting college back up again in a couple of weeks. I took a semester off because I failed all of my classes. I haven’t felt this way in over a year. I was doing so well. But women just fuck it up for me. I don’t know what it is about me. Ever since middle school I’ve been having women problems and it’s taken a toll. This is it. Like I said, she was the last straw. I know finding a girlfriend won’t fix all of my problems, but I think it would help. 

I’ve stopped eating these past couple of days, maybe I’ll eat one thing a day and that’s it. I just don’t care anymore. Everyday now all I do is drive around with no destination and listen to Mac Miller because that’s the one thing that I still enjoy to do. It’s somewhat therapeutic and keeps me sane. But as of recently, I’ve gotten tired of that too. Video games were an escape for me for a really long time but now I have lost interest. I can’t even talk to my friends anymore. They try to talk to me but I don’t say anything back. I have no energy to say anything. 

I have these dreams where I’m with someone that I love. But they’re just fucking dreams and that’s it. They vanish in mere seconds holding no value. I have these butterflies in my stomach that won’t go away. I have no nails because I fucking bite them all the damn time because of my anxiety. Wanting a girlfriend has consumed me to the point where I’m no longer myself anymore. People want the old me back but I just can’t. The anxiety of wanting to be in love has changed me. 

But no fucking more. I swear to you I’m done. I haven’t felt like this in over a year and when i did last year I didn’t do it because I still had hope. I have no hope now. For anything. 


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suicidewatch,YukiCookies,2019/01/01,"Can't pay rent for February but I won't have to I'm done. I've been planning to end it this month for a while now. Everyone in this house hates me. 
Including my ex-spouse. I'm such a fuckup. 

I don't have anywhere to go. 
I'm all alone in this country with no friends or people I could reach out to for help. I have no income and I suck too much to work any job so I can't be independent either. I'm way too depressed to work anyway. I can barely feed myself each day. 

Somehow I managed to sell stuff for the rent for January but I can't do that again. I don't *want* to do that again, anyway. I just want everything to stop. So much pain every single day. I hate who I am and who I've become. I miss the past so much. I'm completely broken. I'm crippled by depression, terrible social anxiety, autism, PTSD and more. I have no friends in person and I hate how I look and I'm still a virgin at 20.

This silly girl's gonna put herself to rest soon. I just need to find the courage and strength to finish my suicide letter, and I need to find a solid method. I thought about a bridge or a frozen lake but idk how to find the right one for either.


Take care. Nothing can save me anymore. I'm a lost cause. ",-0.6297730197730189,1.4969623629343616,1.6400210600210627,97.2834596934597,91.3938223938224,4.6837954837954845,17.887094887094886,6.273863323946077,-0.2659765765765769,928,26,218,10,33,311,142,259,0.254,0.636,0.11,-0.9929,4,1,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,5,19,17,4,0,11,0,19,3,0,4,1,36,43,18,1,5,9,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,10,10,1,1,4,0,4,2,9,10,0,1,4,1,26,7,28,35,10,22,0,4,1,1,10,6,1,3,13,139,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709620474896952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345071907715454,0.0,0.0938769889709405,0.0,0.12170075904492475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552958135783072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511658730506306,0.12606257820700306,0.0,0.0,0.12866482225186726,0.0,0.0,0.09797830723084977,0.0,0.0,0.15828263596350994,0.0,0.21138928716426925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558051874597542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086894713174623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339306547531583,0.1172598783347911,0.11028874031038667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364791144666653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961931584955374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974202237981048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634683247631289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225358431788662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159716166683906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177615609493525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030500774800254,0.0,0.1339584178690946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795030726753984,0.0,0.2706299428784664,0.18198391337746928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774879096290818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315516978822032,0.0,0.1305778986828244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714578956549622,0.0850754467959917,0.10715040398524596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344780267817805,0.12336292885401134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479833005447492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250929548266134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800072274224483,0.10259561716283087,0.0,0.0,0.14047983922761334,0.13423079279500216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922667517855211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742236567090566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476151236292134,0.09740581809466944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867662894145622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qwdrtesa,2019/01/01,"I need help. I cant stop thinking about suicide, I am so miserable. I desperately want to blow my head off this week I am in my 20s. The reasons why dont matter much. I am to blame for everything, I am so bad and disgusting. I cant take another day like this. Im going to drive to Canadian Tire, buy a 12ga and then go to the ravine and get drunk and then blow my head off with the barrel in my mouth. 

I cant wait to cease to exist. I am so sick of being me! I am so horrible I want to fill my brain with lead",0.21113043478261065,1.4644950260869578,3.157608695652176,92.906847826087,81.34782608695652,7.034782608695654,20.195652173913047,7.908726449838941,0.5384086956521736,388,10,99,7,10,139,66,115,0.269,0.65,0.081,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,4,0,11,7,4,2,0,15,20,10,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,2,1,1,5,4,3,0,0,0,0,18,1,17,19,1,14,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124983303078666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617454270639404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23554358412197626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607627472950712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728812120250054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896314252626836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102377627094809,0.0,0.2398300872303991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330897060074592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414275327043172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279140812020955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308298015020316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551078307189293,0.1564523666311211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694111780523476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764038019977277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23079759982949946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586442604766865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519901870274278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24251119786625286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489042112123669,0.0,0.169249893469752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039290456558167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stupidthrowawaynya,2019/01/01,"it ends tonight i know i post a lot here, but it’s tonight that will happen. i have a plan, i just need to write a note. everything is set up. i feel bad because my friends are over (just two) but i know it’ll be the better. i can spend my last hours with them. i’ll be overdosing on my old sleep medication, which i have stash of. i’ll never be happy with myself. ever. i hate myself. i’ll never be a man i’ll never be skinny, nothing. it’s better off this way. i’ll be gone in a bit. see you later reddit, thanks for helping me. ",-1.20014367816092,0.8006680086206899,1.5656551724137948,97.6115287356322,93.05172413793105,4.127816091954023,15.491954022988505,5.6839178017228535,-0.8096590804597699,403,9,97,3,15,139,73,116,0.117,0.727,0.156,0.5723,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,3,4,7,1,0,6,0,13,3,2,0,4,16,22,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,3,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,1,2,17,5,10,13,2,20,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,11,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377404323795635,0.11226816637512968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257663438647527,0.20106566060608627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311972846740153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659207711923615,0.0,0.0,0.16551989032953995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931217561107616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142289087151831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286069614918675,0.19605211682144924,0.0,0.1818294931520732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344509708962535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137009940279475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024297493965672,0.15012292194697374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657453014560385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855316411667283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655953136832774,0.4261291802039189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671583619294448,0.0,0.19325516535753912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638370527258848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467594412145063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843027489148495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955875603976953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990707871232092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618537017572975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RideTheRevolution,2019/01/01,I'm sad about everything in my life. Nothing I do is good or will be appreciated. I'm laying down in bed everyday and playing some video games all day and sometimes I play guitar but I can't do it. I wanted to make my own song but everything I play just sucks. I'm depressed 4 years by now and I can't really hold any longer. The feeling just suck. How dare people to bring a child into this world? Everyone is trying to scam you or fuck you up. I barely have social interactions because I don't have friends. Everyone is useless and selfish.,1.16976923076923,3.633936354545455,3.2645454545454555,86.72835664335665,85.45454545454545,6.293706293706293,23.006993006993014,7.61054688173877,1.277041958041958,429,16,86,8,13,145,76,110,0.289,0.63,0.081,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,5,12,3,0,2,0,12,2,0,2,1,18,22,9,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,2,5,0,1,1,7,0,1,3,7,0,0,0,2,12,5,10,20,3,11,0,3,0,1,7,6,3,3,4,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635779416313196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663318628923222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513076503841958,0.0,0.20717990725324575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596995627134175,0.43237027372776826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216261051752123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858434398362208,0.22237874336217545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175661471817552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990310518077034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056476506181586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23080813524783594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676269089289295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409843206059987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452039753449993,0.0,0.0,0.23790383658873554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331335967035746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187888661492726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490223451930596
suicidewatch,ZenPeaceLove,2019/01/01,I’d like to die but not by suicide. I’m done trying to make things better for myself. I’ve given up all hope. But I’m too afraid to harm myself. ,-1.3195454545454552,0.5687169696969718,1.5729545454545466,98.47943181818184,91.42424242424244,3.3000000000000003,11.280303030303033,3.1291,-1.7780242424242425,112,1,27,0,4,39,25,33,0.162,0.516,0.322,0.7984,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,6,2,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,3,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422918764339509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016705124121352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960606176571904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38440283207166376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890807082825201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25834197783808743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233421810475413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571219987834077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26276435137173515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iStillFeelAlive,2019/01/01,"What can I do before I kill myself? I'm going for another attempt today, my previous ones have all been poisonings which I have unfortunately been brought back from; however, today I am going to jump from a height. No chance if being brought back. 

I'm not looking for help ""beating"" the want to die. 

I'm looking for things I can do before I die so I can leave feeling happy. I've been miserable for so long, I want a good feeling before I go. I dont think theres an afterlife so I want one of my last sensations to be something somewhat good.

The only thing is I have absolutely no money and no car. I literally have a dollar and some change as well as two single use bus passes and my cell phone. I thought about standing outside a liquor store and trying  to trade the bus passes for some cash so I could buy alchohal but I dont think itll work. Other than that i have no ideas. 

Before you tell me to reach out to family and friends know that I dont have any family that I enjoy being with and I literally have no friends. I'm not some dumb kid who uses literally as an exaggeration. I have nobody to call. 

So what can I do by myself with no money that will give me a happy final action? I live in southern california but I hate the beach and the building I'm going to be jumping off of is the opposite direction. 

What else even is there? ",2.334184848484849,4.131517392727275,4.4547500000000015,83.53279166666667,76.89090909090909,7.201515151515152,24.185606060606066,8.07648339933343,1.4134515151515157,1053,35,214,18,24,363,141,275,0.131,0.731,0.139,0.2939,1,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,1,0,3,12,13,4,1,13,0,32,2,0,2,1,33,58,18,3,5,5,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,13,10,1,0,7,2,7,12,11,5,1,3,6,4,32,8,28,45,6,24,0,1,2,0,11,4,1,5,7,155,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233508831213765,0.11153797398192576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358356815797787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620513447366246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086154237247372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125251080785876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492760259698573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079004654035111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739937199168752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888582902476188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025622710737986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055189704085347,0.0,0.10756749927492472,0.0,0.0,0.11652287911026465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643620343760408,0.0,0.0,0.10203957186419466,0.2418095567635072,0.17843582573119854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264651872431943,0.0,0.10501812191735097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129741183084679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007851820492638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176823858550912,0.0,0.058458041468684316,0.08670555610266513,0.0,0.11263022339027662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392645197733764,0.09413389546314603,0.17864762670765075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441578123414492,0.08089900008879045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188864246198976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929718637379857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413346918025381,0.13631490179113562,0.0,0.08444571241940957,0.0,0.0,0.20165220095801084,0.0,0.0,0.07221808867684983,0.0,0.103907805045705,0.0,0.0,0.18373865037041054,0.0,0.0,0.18821893142626897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563919394085722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743845635317911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jafferlobe,2019/01/01,"Had an idea for a while Hey guys, so I’ve always had this idea in the back of my head for a while now for a few years now, especially when things get bad, and it’s that instead of suicide, I would just leave, take all my savings, take my tent and just go where the wind takes me, and just do busking for when money gets tight, I’ve even drawn up a plan for it all, not saying that I’m gonna do it, or that’s it’s even a clever idea but even just thinking about It gives me something to look forward to, anyone ever thought about this as well?",7.134406779661018,3.873780915254237,6.9140000000000015,87.52676271186441,66.11864406779661,9.778983050847456,31.2271186440678,5.6839178017228535,1.3143945762711868,420,9,105,1,5,133,74,118,0.055,0.903,0.042,-0.1154,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,19,4,0,0,8,0,5,1,1,0,3,21,17,11,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,1,5,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,3,3,6,3,14,12,3,14,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,10,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394610556316373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719353912261732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288781480172217,0.13994344414021606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321052060998779,0.15160861057975927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751337276190554,0.16078229854513978,0.09525396774097143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659556210139881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201141592109767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5676180273054554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746983715731965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407462591567827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328648033396673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903076639034625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333302032895388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780550333174663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134952938858232,0.10739472361322397,0.0,0.13305990506452514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506973143054827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906201289490492,0.0,0.0,0.10793233309798753
suicidewatch,AguyNamedCJ5,2019/01/01,"God made me this way and I hate it! I feel like I was a big and buff rapist or some shit in a previous life and to punish me god put me in this stupid fat and weak body with a tiny penis. I have absoloutely no reason to live other than my soulmate, Ricky. I love you man, I can't believe you had to bear the burden of knowing of my existence!",1.3364000000000011,2.450891106666667,3.2876666666666696,93.7555,77.93333333333334,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.2362000000000002,263,6,64,3,6,89,55,75,0.297,0.547,0.156,-0.937,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,4,0,4,7,3,2,0,11,9,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,1,13,2,9,6,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,2,1,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318779818007904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271993502450506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894275379358793,0.21043989331288726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908255445564173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188721940020565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080625399230736,0.14391135692641746,0.0,0.2601095034441694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585969585048674,0.27872796694278523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612284084526536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30286561943585394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023704730776537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381487321191105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antcatbat,2019/01/01,"I don’t want to feel like this anymore I just want to rest and let these thoughts go away. I’ve been good last year, I helped my mother financially after she lost her job . My grandma passed away. I worked my ass of to support my family. I tried to trust my boyfriend despite him lying to me time and time again. I forgave my brother after all the hurt and pain he put my mom and I through.  I feel alone. I feel like my existence is insignificant. I feel that one day everyone will just forget about me, just like my dad did. He knows I exist, my name and where I live. He knows how to contact me and I’ve tried contacting him and looked for him but he didn’t want me. Be discarded me. And one day wether I’m dead or alive everyone will just throw me away and forget about me.  I’m hurting so much. I drove somewhere far so that my mom doesn’t have to see my dead body in our apartment. I loved my family so much despite everything. I loved my boyfriend despite everything. ",1.0806669712197348,3.3839527839196033,2.2874760164458685,94.7734616263134,83.97487437185929,5.8292370945637275,21.608268615806303,7.1686216300943375,0.5593597989949748,760,25,169,11,22,242,104,199,0.155,0.6940000000000001,0.15,-0.6324,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,12,12,0,0,1,0,11,5,2,1,1,30,31,15,2,3,6,5,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,7,0,0,5,3,4,0,2,6,6,42,8,18,21,4,21,0,3,2,3,21,7,1,1,12,103,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470654948248455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941254862698715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393823140277551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374633125379784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530661527610706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301103301825589,0.2164301959770304,0.0,0.22702021063713676,0.0,0.24352795165162644,0.17203923943589822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843073703179872,0.10099265910822157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070705732803096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25779886968877724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948652806615714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234636105139191,0.098148728086214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312551031285825,0.0,0.1764760474027437,0.0,0.10632261886782578,0.0,0.1011125360652506,0.0,0.1314397396805276,0.0,0.21734614644939085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28204118365020725,0.0,0.0,0.17702771654839194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318338248417574,0.0,0.1281227808145115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104346641839216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594972108879644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366377628440654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955906361581423,0.14042194283364565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349848538096978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305957255335345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765858080680376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753891285181615
suicidewatch,biridius,2019/01/01,"Effort Everything takes effort, and effort hurts.
I just want to do nothing, but then there is hunger, cold, heat, boredom, annoying people, and these things do not really go away even if I do something.

I don't even care about not having a gf, or being insignificant, or environment, or starving africans, or whatever. Don't care about getting better, changing the world, having fun, feeling pleasures, watching the next movie. 
Just want to stop being alive.

Honestly I shouldn't even post anywhere since I'm not going to follow any advice, or talk much with anyone. Just needed to vent that anger I get every day when dropping a sandwich, or whatever other meager task I manage to fail. ",6.311138211382112,8.135075073170732,6.1448780487804875,75.34869918699188,66.5609756097561,8.06829268292683,29.92682926829269,8.515128840125781,2.51779024390244,546,20,85,8,9,171,85,123,0.244,0.6,0.156,-0.9375,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,5,10,10,2,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,0,23,24,12,0,5,14,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,1,1,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,0,3,6,6,9,21,1,12,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,7,5,57,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315990411378572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746263898409602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105933325826005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761019210983369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577156101602802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38220618288125024,0.0,0.19828201723866173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088045920020778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713983484832485,0.0,0.15792258142143434,0.0,0.16845503604584242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477307380435654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585473520662214,0.0,0.21304794779298955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200653692013518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778673644705955,0.1389811262758522,0.0,0.0,0.1993398925522279,0.0,0.0,0.17984951836595614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994424830950072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951149780510925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007604826098847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504866953644472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429708616639494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670455876702474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092824846961258,0.15065363953387642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452388749024675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221108752484772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neverworthit18,2019/01/01,"It just feels over I won't get to see you grow up. Every time I look at you every day, wonder if that is the last time I'll see that beautiful face. You won't remember me, and you won't know how much I loved you. How sometimes I just stared at you. The constant tears knowing you are going to spend your life wondering why. 
Finances. Finances kill many these days. I cant seem to get over how easy it was for people 50 years ago and how unfair it is. But they killed me too.
I know you are more likely to die of suicide now too, and hate myself for it. It's just not something I can live with any longer.",1.5210782241014795,3.0078021085271343,2.704566596194504,96.55972515856236,78.30232558139534,5.621141649048626,19.47921071176885,6.11248444174946,-0.27249457364341145,468,10,111,3,11,150,82,129,0.185,0.74,0.075,-0.9506,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,9,1,0,10,5,3,0,2,0,10,3,1,4,0,22,25,9,4,1,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,8,0,3,2,5,3,0,0,1,5,20,2,13,21,2,16,0,0,4,1,11,5,0,4,10,71,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424584179912913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928731343547772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366883152407822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728741752296426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679008474812482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27080774087060144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125906308430282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792715108479211,0.0,0.09133436288786906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586664048416031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556003618404957,0.0,0.2649636206944497,0.13099890395515482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351318964143635,0.07851407156898434,0.0,0.14190857904029416,0.0,0.134954692322033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504572559889325,0.0,0.0,0.16293322835732818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813926318613445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141506175711532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205143974117916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256127787746658,0.14630301273991506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372128028559493,0.15894484853817065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578905115625354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874208760637497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501445450555714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485630975504204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349102627738392
suicidewatch,GeneticallyDank,2019/01/01,"I don't know what to do I've been suicidal for years, and attempted suicide a few times. I've been depressed my whole life with other issues like anxiety seemed to affect me later. I tried several mess and had been to therapy before I tried to kill myself. I ended up staying at behavioral health centers(or similar) several times, but never got a whole lot out of them. I have been going to therapy weekly for at least 2 years now and have had many med changes, some of which help me quite a lot. 

After all this I still want to kill myself, even when thinking of all the consequences. I am overwhelmed at this very moment and just want everything to stop. I have been living with my parents and I no longer have service on my phone so I can't call any crisis hotlines or whatever else. I don't know how to make it through tonight and have enough motivation tomorrow to get out of bed again.",3.8753142857142855,5.620410788571429,4.7261428571428565,83.44235714285716,72.54285714285714,8.428571428571429,27.357142857142854,9.04235418022936,2.2406,708,26,137,15,14,229,110,175,0.142,0.765,0.094,-0.8661,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,3,8,6,2,1,4,0,17,2,0,4,3,30,27,11,4,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,8,0,19,1,26,19,10,26,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,5,18,100,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782788550381282,0.0,0.098801035269205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989896049761948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318787772495694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662584147245782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123855081842336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789004235753316,0.0,0.11439046359222242,0.13344868742446278,0.0,0.08530377185260782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607361762077548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747666373537536,0.0,0.07340013871798029,0.0,0.10329476638082534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372826877198782,0.0,0.0,0.08656795849860142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480128166477262,0.0,0.0,0.2857754196993812,0.0,0.14195727945291614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122397751031408,0.0630972129465887,0.0,0.1140437077293339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960106552861702,0.0,0.0,0.08621005779360964,0.1309400009488069,0.0,0.0,0.1434589147050673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996100940327427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340816977471038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736920086883225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757525963313528,0.0,0.2918103179544722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376589993335696,0.10314106758431864,0.10797697391965204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28254296262649903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953934606265849,0.0,0.0,0.08275547777942252,0.0,0.0,0.15061930544819918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537165355337705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656404321200352,0.15235455935873482,0.0,0.1035980581264496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28838750892901105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663394903000971
suicidewatch,lllennart,2019/01/01,"planned my suicide finally got the courage to do so. i hope i dont fail or gonna be to afraid, because i dont think im able to do this twice. and fuck the new year.",0.2869230769230775,0.9196930769230782,2.49025641025641,100.36307692307696,79.76923076923076,6.2256410256410275,25.820512820512814,6.42735559955562,0.4391128205128205,126,5,36,1,3,43,29,39,0.17800000000000002,0.599,0.223,0.2628,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,10,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,4,2,3,7,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,19,5,1,0.2611044918446036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591668747441961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6120250396741814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860272081290303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138689532860755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088291144773952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593356750769065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28203765694792826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25217634526859084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856059351041058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730521543672888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681427321008913
suicidewatch,everybhodyhurt,2019/01/01,feeling those old feelings from once before i feel like i may be close to finally doing it. ive attempted and failed (go fucking failure Elizabeth) but i just can’t anymore. my head feels so fucked up and i feel so useless and i fucking hate this shit guys,1.0528571428571425,3.6576007843137286,2.5220168067226894,89.95764705882355,90.1764705882353,5.2672268907563025,26.893557422969195,6.868970318607317,1.5239557422969194,204,10,39,3,7,66,41,51,0.428,0.528,0.044,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,5,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,0,12,15,6,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,13,0,5,0,2,0,3,1,2,4,1,3,24,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093247055091606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724042938294215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122228938268658,0.14474303500353908,0.0,0.22194691421560733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5619228698631553,0.0,0.0,0.11514666767870912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006135512829883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000332318790192,0.2079340295815467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898392479241776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260277765528185,0.2157706680628753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079739695725996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THROWAWAYFUKL,2019/01/01,"Yeah mom, I'm fine. No, you don't need to stay in my room. You're tired. That's fine.

""That's fine"" is all I've ever told anyone.

It's fine that you're too busy for me.

It's fine that you didn't have time to hang out. It's cool. Don't worry about it.

No dad, you don't have to visit. It's fine. I'll see you next year. 

It's fine.

Guess what: it's not fucking fine. 

And neither am I.

Fuck.",-3.541612903225808,-2.1114782795698908,-0.6107096774193543,110.48393548387098,105.98924731182795,2.4800000000000004,8.350537634408603,3.1291,-2.6184675268817204,292,2,87,0,15,99,53,93,0.079,0.66,0.261,0.8969,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,0,0,3,11,2,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,2,7,15,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,12,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,2,2,7,9,7,13,2,10,0,0,1,2,8,3,2,1,4,42,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185824604997405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526276459030104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808908106817136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865141577774751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046096929341625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928505450944943,0.0,0.0,0.27660451435307204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072549455346561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721717342585783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516582944880287,0.2989307078383471,0.0,0.2485234110519821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641300559831074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748691895672482
suicidewatch,throwtfawaysir,2019/01/01,"Literally at my lowest. I have no will to live I lost two important people in my life today. The two only real friends I have. The cousin that I talk to that keeps me sane blocked me. I’m not okay I’ve never been and never will. I have horrible luck I tried to date finally in my life for once and found out the person has someone already. I am ugly and worthless my parents try to help but they can’t. I always think why was I born with a facial feature like this? Why did god do this to me? I why does no one care about me like I care about them? Why do I feel like I have to prove myself to people. I feel like a failure I’m 20 and everyone is pressuring me to start college but I did horribly in high school and scared of the result. I have a horrible job. I have no one to turn to. I love my parents but they can’t help. I’ve tried to get better but at night I realize I’m all by myself, I crave someone to talk to but I get anxiety talking to someone new. I don’t know how I made friends. I hate the way I am I hate that my family keeps pressuring me to go to college I hate that I suck at math I hate everything. I hate that I suck at everything I do. I hate that I can’t find love. I just hate life itself. ",-0.629728162377674,1.3544581910112399,2.13232813821433,95.11537513591878,88.81273408239703,5.542539567476139,19.099794611574247,6.968188349444268,0.1964631871451008,935,28,224,14,31,325,119,267,0.257,0.555,0.188,-0.9718,4,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,2,4,27,9,3,8,1,23,6,1,3,4,33,53,11,0,0,7,3,2,4,2,2,3,0,0,1,9,7,0,3,8,0,0,1,10,14,0,4,7,2,52,13,30,44,1,20,0,2,0,2,16,9,2,1,13,145,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056607954032554,0.0,0.06828865896677758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278318237911996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258408034574812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673512882237506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718198464940291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784212234323524,0.147518112226923,0.0,0.07736811575521345,0.0,0.08299392684085077,0.1172613817400635,0.0,0.08990346869964798,0.07501032234450522,0.0,0.0,0.08998531399604091,0.1268138680211786,0.0,0.08575618006612233,0.0,0.04664216607880026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5671886462254833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001933151402524,0.0867112634753088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144162591221532,0.14589484150957424,0.0,0.0,0.04510342296339306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390500823518973,0.16038066067814089,0.0,0.07246914854740913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958889577186095,0.0,0.14814242106685174,0.07765644151110246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265945985974545,0.07926353689198329,0.0,0.07701696002363499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740167247222191,0.11122525866688372,0.062417791062585375,0.0,0.0,0.18225763025841,0.0,0.0,0.11379374968729045,0.07166019521018605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934134146654271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216620009803817,0.08305903234558856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861245891439475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808943611632152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789382103813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052587022394451705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779258663823485,0.0,0.0,0.1671600476528809,0.08926838970215299,0.1603405643579355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514319759571799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962209646846152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Actaron,2019/01/01,"I' m alone I now see it.
I'm completely alone. 
That is...saddening.
And for the first time in a lot of months I'm crying again. I mean...look at that: 18 yo guy, Am. Football player, bearded as hell, and I'm crying.
And it won't get better.
I know, I've fucked up badly in the past.
I'm okay that no-one apparently forgives me for that.
But it still makes me sad.
I'm actually surprised to actually be able to cry and not just feel empty, lonely or angry again.
I'm okay with people having left me for what I've done. But it feels like a kick in the teeth that there have been people telling me that although they were mad at me they still forgive me and wanna be there for me. And apparently they lied.
I mean...I'm not depressed (well just officially, I'm probably way beyond FUBAR depressed, but no-one cares so yeah...) but at least I want someone to ask me how I am. If I'm doing okay. Or even just a simple hug. I'm not asking for much.
I even didn't kill myself today (I'm not happy about that but it almost feels like an accomplishment). I didn't cut since more than 7 months or so.
And no-one apparently sees that.
All they see is that loud guy screaming all the time he wants to kill himself ""as a joke"".
I know that I'll end it sooner or later this year.
But I didn't want to go having no-one.",0.2010869565217419,2.2443876594202905,2.4059710144927564,94.19917391304352,85.44927536231884,5.1292753623188405,17.17101449275362,6.42735559955562,-0.35052811594202904,998,22,232,10,30,337,141,276,0.136,0.71,0.154,0.7241,3,4,0,0,0,1,54.0,0,0,4,3,18,26,6,0,9,4,16,3,1,2,2,43,44,24,2,5,18,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,18,8,0,0,7,1,0,1,8,12,1,1,6,8,25,14,25,35,6,26,1,4,3,2,13,9,2,7,17,139,43,1,0.10795164956068803,0.0,0.21069047551714093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809798345155767,0.22361070486157372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184043987546216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013511823976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954744614386782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006390132741796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318525069829988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35573945407040536,0.0,0.0,0.18595719516703796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047201751277047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561311976361987,0.0,0.0,0.1426020928371593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375079280608645,0.15424136003183006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182361796919553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979956050914983,0.05640028135543465,0.0,0.06135141019207939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377821039849568,0.0,0.1149165383101194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886501174275734,0.0,0.11865480683804287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728978310995125,0.0,0.0,0.10547944625382216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065219731329192,0.0,0.0,0.0917766320689769,0.0,0.0,0.07205856434005596,0.0,0.0,0.2351819869641756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233195352105826,0.0,0.0793568835031008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030520644894339,0.14968016285017566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639013656134566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807046445805154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929872005816708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146708235642724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242065357199196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094354499877601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589494996601333,0.0,0.10232554132846104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101803952507124,0.0856869946855902,0.0,0.0,0.09706149742698472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951732298322473
suicidewatch,Restfuleagleeye,2019/01/01,"Goodbye and I'm sorry. To everyone talking about their problems on this sub (or any similar ones), just know that people care about you. People need you and it's okay to talk, and please do. Talk to friends, family, anyone. Nothing is your fault.

To everyone trying to help others, thank you so much for the effort you put in for others. You don't need to do this and you are making a difference. Thank you.

As for me, I'm planning hanging myself. Don't know when, in the next 1-2 weeks if possible. Please don't feel obliged to help me or anything, I deserve this and I want to do it to make this world a better place. I'm so sorry that if you're reading this, ypu have to hear me complain about this. I'm sorry. Goodbye.",0.5961904761904755,2.975696136054424,2.2847959183673474,93.22746598639458,87.63945578231292,4.899319727891157,20.41156462585034,6.42735559955562,0.26577278911564584,560,18,117,6,18,183,81,147,0.059,0.75,0.192,0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,8,1,3,7,9,0,0,4,1,9,0,0,2,0,19,25,13,0,6,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,2,15,6,20,25,1,10,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,4,3,75,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152114128594532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410365148227973,0.0,0.11075044614278227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902783888565673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137216467282626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140610722962805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25719989020895323,0.0,0.0,0.12687299436918242,0.0,0.0680492726879293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397858992902424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516849651236979,0.0,0.18041646602643996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479267336888663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967056440760906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893408354171998,0.19958336647273028,0.0,0.0,0.1431306821795362,0.0,0.0,0.1291361399055426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119700976822286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660598907439327,0.0,0.140610722962805,0.2954637173757536,0.0,0.151722253996995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128777876513214,0.0,0.13529321455765414,0.0,0.0,0.13461954691998387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519643759579552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245184582458432,0.0,0.2478121227149609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137310883860282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793806151237888,0.0,0.10795446640154803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthrowhtow,2019/01/01,"first time having suicidal thoughts in my 30's. over the top trauma in my childhood.  ended up in an abusive relationship i cant seem to get out of. im so messed up and broken i truly think i love this person who gets off on emotionally abusing me.  for the first time in my life i was standing on my deck, the wind was blowing and all i wanted to do was jump off and be free of this pain. of this weight.  i will truly never be loved again?  my parents, older siblings and grandparents are all dead. i have two younger siblings who have a different dad i didnt grow up with and thats it.  i have no one. i cant even remember the last time i was hugged. i dont know what to do.  i dont want to be locked away.  i dont know how doctors even handle this stuff. i also dont want be medicated, i'd honestly rather die than spend the rest of my life taking pills to keep me from killing myself.   is there a hotline where i can adopt a parent? a grandparent?  i dont know what to do im besides myself right now. ",1.2588219380226278,2.866140883177572,3.249360550909987,91.82719380226268,79.42056074766356,6.187506148548943,22.01082144613872,7.0608816371341465,0.4960504672897201,775,23,178,9,19,262,122,214,0.199,0.701,0.1,-0.9734,5,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,1,0,10,0,27,10,0,1,3,23,42,8,4,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,11,7,1,1,7,0,2,2,10,4,0,4,6,1,27,6,28,31,3,32,0,0,0,3,9,17,0,1,12,127,38,1,0.0,0.24516764553325684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273735703873503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720458372413053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073757069600145,0.10809424460431363,0.0,0.10589624743079687,0.0,0.0,0.6062749159805833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637918290785353,0.09163533036716584,0.0,0.0,0.1366694227788852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600696617614678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810772470522076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351027580243515,0.0,0.0,0.09196048232131836,0.11446375935812175,0.0,0.17057762236715654,0.08433414938551934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461544792119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867543547475118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422561017978403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797951471473488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010753997528278,0.0,0.11008930984218077,0.0,0.2297613734917967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033775350221794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107790171245066,0.1172006242146679,0.08835473648059063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941865905701268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184375664129346,0.11316903922818525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778945080224281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629333694321732,0.0,0.08213611268132089,0.18098601991360252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106591488404686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307112246983076,0.0,0.0,0.12598706617142866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ouchmykneez,2019/01/01,"Panic attacks/Depression. If it doesn't work out, I'll most likely commit suicide, or force myself into a hospital. Okay folks, been in a panic and dperession for awhile. I''ve lost some of the paperwork I was sent in, for renewing my housing assistance, which lowers the rent I pay because I am disabled and was chosen in a raffle. I have very little time to turn it in. It was in my left pocket when I got it, and put on top of my stereo system, but now it's gone. I go to the office tomorrow, and can only hope that they will have the paperwork that I need and can print it out for me while there. The reason I lost some of the paperwork was likely due to too much alcohol, I barely remember anything I did yesterday, and I may have misplace it, tossed it, I don't know... I live next to a high bridge, that I crossed while blackout drunk, just to get another drink... Very unsafe. I've been drinking too much lately, which only leads to more depression, anxiety, and stupid mistakes. If this doesn't go through, I can't be sure I'll be capable of facing my some of my family (who thinks I'm an idiot) to begin with, for screwing up something that was so good for me personally. I know that negative things will be said to me, and I will have to just accept it, and be honest to say ""I know, I should probably killl myself.) I can still live on very low income, without assistance, by myself... So it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out, but screwing this up would just prove how stupid I really am to everyone.  


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suicidewatch,EtikaLikesMinecraft,2019/01/01,no reason i have no reason to live anymore. i dont want to be a burdon to people. i feel worthless.. everyday i feel like i am the reason people feel bad and i cant do this anymore...,-1.0627500000000012,0.9332682250000026,2.575000000000003,90.85000000000002,91.75,4.2,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.2091500000000001,139,4,30,1,5,51,24,40,0.242,0.691,0.066,-0.6829999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,8,10,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,6,1,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42658444165385306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957494798026116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520611140457575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262384370724468,0.1536464629160638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507262010591943,0.0,0.18991125943800746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29820571584539896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6633851181821316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268541983815988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,holeinthebox,2019/01/01,"I wish I had the nerve to kill myself My life is going nowhere but downhill. I was always supposed to be a high achiever. I had great grades in high school, killer SAT scores, captain of my sports team, NHS, all that shit. I got in to my dream school, but now it's all starting to come apart. I got super depressed last semester, and I would've failed out if I hadn't withdrawn from my classes at the last minute. I'm taking this semester off, but I don't see myself ever getting back to a mental state where I can be successful in school, so I'll probably just end up flunking out. If I can't graduate from college, I'll never be able to achieve any of my dreams, so I'll just end up back in my hometown working a shit job and being an emotional and financial burden on my family. I'm desperately in love with a woman who'll never love me back. I've tried to hang myself on many occasions since September, but every time I just end up bitching out one I have my head in the noose. All I want at this point is to find the courage to actually kill myself.",4.843973182780523,4.767462000000002,5.7811926605504595,83.48212067748769,68.90825688073394,8.909527170077629,29.613267466478487,8.617729084823388,2.019824558927312,828,28,176,12,13,274,124,218,0.184,0.647,0.16899999999999998,-0.705,1,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,7,11,15,5,0,9,0,15,6,3,0,6,26,30,11,2,4,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,1,4,0,3,5,9,0,1,7,1,27,6,31,18,3,40,0,3,1,2,6,22,3,2,14,112,32,14,0.11957665753377995,0.0,0.11668956861274772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949735815441917,0.0,0.0,0.08131622758127774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584120585070626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300470242449904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299119991645198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450764514740698,0.3177282790278223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816393263214448,0.10074849127116003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272623067285698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929089867207052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062473868216865264,0.0,0.0679581701216014,0.0,0.1912727531306322,0.13183368707367712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272014849619192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526786077970078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186613816213338,0.0,0.2645877096107616,0.0,0.0,0.19494187114782285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446052951799721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158452040172911,0.0,0.0,0.12123196244071785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050514606404428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444977991431533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102823781311003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303859196082075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892386134481226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630538839517564,0.09528711441238204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454874411913667,0.09891504678302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463697366008814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899067649667582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972611061795428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118470124748885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052941073779087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750725487584953,0.0,0.0,0.08705323083570955,0.0,0.0,0.08494382669008732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwanttopeeongirls,2019/01/01,Hoping 2019 is better I met a wonderful girl last fall who I’ve been dating since then.  We’ve been through a lot together including me leaving a job working out of state and moving back home with my mom for a couple months.  I finally got a new job working with her dad and it couldn’t be worse.  The works much faster pace then I’m used to and it’s so stressful.  There’s a lot of people and it’s just not at all what I’m used to.  Well this coupled with the fact that I was told I wouldn’t have her dads blessing has led me to some severe depression and anxiety.  If it wasn’t for her and our 3 dogs back at my moms I really don’t know that I’d be alive.. I hate waking up every morning and going to a shit hole job I can’t stand then having a panic attack thinking that I might get fired and her dad and her family is gonna disown her because I can’t keep a job.  They’ve already told her before they don’t want us together if I can’t keep this job and it’s so stressful.  She’s said before that she’ll stay with me if I do lose the job I just don’t want to pull her from her family and I hate it ,2.7593112244897964,2.9064424489795933,4.445548469387756,90.46342474489796,73.48979591836735,7.757653061224492,23.067602040816325,7.6454224807358475,0.7047193877551017,860,19,208,10,16,292,129,245,0.18,0.748,0.07200000000000001,-0.9817,6,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,5,8,13,4,3,12,0,22,2,2,3,2,41,44,19,0,8,6,5,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,14,16,0,2,3,0,0,5,10,9,1,0,9,2,32,4,19,28,5,23,1,2,0,0,25,4,1,9,11,129,46,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395520820494088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206493677452533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716936280853596,0.0,0.14487238259636356,0.0,0.05742519445079682,0.0,0.1603194059306689,0.0,0.0,0.08331478212377172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084673650827279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113679284611819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936997988622585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761216169627894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103194638152101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921711085917512,0.0,0.053537661235431716,0.0,0.07534263976172849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601166008641112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449315822194276,0.09356470429701053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5608908691570478,0.16746367626967426,0.0,0.0,0.05177143306537108,0.07678791114768313,0.0,0.09974723622089106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538891400772672,0.0,0.1601758206259484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993435702301894,0.0,0.22065852275839612,0.0751918311149245,0.10012274121597302,0.0692499476766246,0.0,0.0,0.0909817176860046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052676937508477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530840796689234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034876994480665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960850045267267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642242794442526,0.09669789107431204,0.07792558652301393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040772403232273,0.0,0.0,0.21581813582567452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060361394571120976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002975619512124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133144522528331,0.1627220652657186,0.0,0.0,0.11112658544095272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469969234579237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215899276999127,0.2057424312746739,0.0,0.09600077126627103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Solitaire_Jewel,2019/01/01,I want nothing more than to die now.  I walked out of my job. Dealt with pieces of shit last year. I have absolutely no one to care about me. I feel no feelings of love towards other people. There's nothing to look forward to. I will kill myself soon - I can't wait. One of my coworkers in a delivery car called out my name as I was crying when running home. I just can't deal with anything. I'm not normal. I need surgery. I spent four years in isolation and was ostracized my entire life. I plan to go in two weeks or less.,0.2627664079040244,2.5175906330275275,2.078165137614679,95.09709244883557,87.62385321100918,5.188708539167255,20.31122088920254,6.67199483983844,0.2314031051517293,405,13,91,5,13,133,78,109,0.202,0.722,0.076,-0.9387,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,0,15,17,4,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,5,5,2,0,4,3,3,17,2,20,13,3,18,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,1,8,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290539523514946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214076058226574,0.0,0.20183487844941675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217451342980504,0.0,0.2040895490791079,0.0,0.0,0.20545271751536606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019050123553914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250604666449313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198571462089896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644618026169453,0.0,0.21901499960236304,0.0,0.0,0.16136499270783888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982601736121728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623774920963047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866792581395186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678589716778634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939601770572993,0.3798986756826708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268287585973293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724153473936662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320457028789174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933795590173528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167627845406459,0.0,0.15879272390353222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254961350001733
suicidewatch,Stewart_Smith,2019/01/01,"Don't want to commit suicide but do at the same time? Don't really have a desire to, but fucking hate your life?",1.84,3.2930430000000044,3.84,88.905,77.33333333333334,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.4297333333333331,88,2,19,1,2,30,19,24,0.473,0.527,0.0,-0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,7,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42996409046690215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591756870242495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285036734269893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979457082163781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087280979019762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119512040110794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743195033730905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ionlylistentorap,2019/01/01,"I just wrote my suicide note But I'm afraid I'll pussy out when I attempt it. 

​

No, I won't call a fucking hotline. And no, ""it get's better"" and ""you're not alone"" aren't things that make anyone feel better.",-0.292536231884057,1.9420468478260915,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,91.3913043478261,3.066666666666667,18.536231884057973,3.1291,-0.8846550724637674,169,5,38,0,6,54,37,46,0.196,0.642,0.161,-0.3866,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,9,8,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28370822944780405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29680237353969113,0.3328541850986673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191537794740668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845365597146733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797125286030638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850692740447726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253243301828932,0.14311679732518998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828499911766171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29963428598408937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198651106683927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328541850986673,0.0
suicidewatch,Biggdogg1964,2019/01/01,What now I have attempted suicide twice last year. I. Have diabetes and had 2 toes amputated. My wife of 30 yrs screams at me almost daily. We went to counseling and said she won't go back. I try talking to her about issues she answers what a horrible husband i am and to get over it. I tried posting here before but nobody fucking cares. I have nowhere else to turn. I just hadmy second toe amputated. Thinking what do I have tolive for. A bitchy wife. Old age. Crippling disease. I may end it soon. Tell me why not.,0.5791176470588226,3.0793014215686263,2.448274509803924,89.62123529411768,93.6078431372549,5.072941176470589,23.46666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.0292149019607852,403,17,79,6,15,133,79,102,0.11,0.846,0.044,-0.6819,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,2,0,9,6,2,0,0,11,17,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,3,2,16,1,9,12,0,13,0,0,0,1,10,2,1,2,8,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291260512390741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594528760848202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470546062794272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332930392399005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114630656444445,0.0,0.20266295335568726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153659378950265,0.1195468531708054,0.0,0.1300413375570446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388243302842262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651548168950727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401037748810844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191423623017225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765630000353198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502874341862757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391353679555889,0.19999516441748094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661597659858636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107019250371699,0.2488859710936066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211461298718387,0.20647074149035893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734992457093876
suicidewatch,Illustrious_Hour,2019/01/01,end of 2018 - surviving like a boss I just wanted to say that I appreciate everyone on this sub and for the New Year I wish you to stay as strong and as stubborn as you were in 2018. What matters is that you are here and you are alive despite all the hardship. For one reason or another you kept fighting and it is important that you spend 2019 with the same mindset. We all know that we are going to face the same problems year after year and it is not going to get any better so my advice is to do whatever it takes to feel good because the amount of time we spend in a negative state of mind is just too much. Best of luck guys.,4.5188740458015255,4.565212442748095,5.298540076335879,86.24032919847332,69.61068702290076,8.687404580152673,27.825381679389313,8.472884824447931,1.6611442748091605,494,15,109,7,8,161,82,131,0.075,0.706,0.219,0.9599,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,3,6,0,4,5,9,2,0,7,0,10,1,1,2,2,29,19,10,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,2,3,0,2,2,2,3,0,1,2,2,13,6,20,17,7,14,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,2,8,79,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151137434811586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023359361318696,0.21623490453657207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570703880500375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164104172682839,0.18238082865243269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264570179045675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704772238486898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426873963445082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773907383013916,0.0,0.23439401199478824,0.17296375559566154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041857402115529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333063139935005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007464641522368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821884311337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159210069874016,0.0,0.0,0.19916418960496485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973694194456865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973203584175201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202385220396827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399082164797338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979825722781085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504837246443462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024590111307125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163122930530686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237137617824816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983880122598844
suicidewatch,zalgx,2019/01/01,"bad thoughts found out that one of my antidepressants starts to mess things up around 4 grams, and the box holds 9 grams in total. it won't give instant death, mostly seizures.

not going to take any amount beyond the prescription but it's one of those 'so close, yet so far' moments

anyone in the same boat?",3.868813559322035,5.908812830508477,3.2119999999999997,93.05122033898306,73.23728813559322,6.07593220338983,21.969491525423727,6.742157984588678,0.3016888135593225,243,6,50,2,5,71,50,59,0.069,0.895,0.036000000000000004,-0.2328,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,7,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,4,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,3,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284483061143041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23489457712432385,0.0,0.0,0.2990546636379952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804929041202877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683369785512207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32226085421247186,0.1909204264965436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552784659699071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23777754874280274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25258240299383594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318125055816967,0.0,0.0,0.2666960172576814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZondaWOAH,2019/01/01,"People only care when it’s too late I’ve never had anyone other than my mum asking how I’m doing. I’ve lost all my friends now. As much as I’d like to take my life, I’d like to kill the ones who turned me into what I am today, there’s more chance of that happening  before ending my own life. This has been running through my mind for about a year. Ideas get better and better. Awful isn’t it ",1.5264617940199336,2.780629686046513,3.3339867109634547,93.04174418604653,77.72093023255816,5.379401993355483,16.93687707641196,5.288315135182226,-0.6542006644518268,307,4,70,1,7,103,68,86,0.105,0.6920000000000001,0.203,0.8122,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,1,0,2,1,6,2,0,1,2,7,14,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,7,6,10,11,4,9,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473534385851056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935118840060761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761370451537741,0.0,0.0,0.3661395688369216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110446540848705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833356581324613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992341136873175,0.0,0.10814606538012964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304452314233055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23367155725876654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290087084332293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334987742896379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924126265268744,0.20225408130391426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259589121625248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900540370539392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216474998777124,0.0,0.1596468933916525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402648075793022,0.15742861932359528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350390005761696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563407805099178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620655104229529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515053962674625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329764986484385
suicidewatch,throwandcatchballs,2019/01/01,"I'm so bored with myself I get nothing out of my old hobbies, so I figure it's time to move on.

​

I also don't want to live, so I guess I should mix that and finding new hobbies.

​

So I guess I'm just gonna spend this boatload of money I just got doing riskier and riskier things until something finally breaks.

​

If I run out of money and make it through, I guess I'll stick to a boring life from then on.",1.9588186813186823,3.696018000000002,3.3693269230769265,91.16629807692308,77.7912087912088,4.9895604395604405,25.660714285714285,5.148860815047168,0.5410758241758242,342,13,71,1,8,112,59,91,0.133,0.867,0.0,-0.8278,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,17,13,11,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,0,14,10,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,6,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395146608639884,0.0,0.4225262759497149,0.4738494425995868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423956501641379,0.11880680215967247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791343644873285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039633876921088,0.0,0.4295897632421537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181446527267144,0.0,0.0,0.11478190634362274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867680907308765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815681790220938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554335259021307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247271231200602,0.0,0.13640068328013125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007121840337764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635834217126546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579712794206996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667037099864532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738494425995868,0.0
suicidewatch,insensitive999,2019/01/01,i’m trying to find help but can’t bring up the courage to do so. i’ve been wanting to see a therapist for the longest time but i have very bad anxiety and it almost makes me have a panic attack even thinking of going up to a counsellor in my school and telling them “yeah i’m depressed get me a therapist” it’s just so uneven and...,-0.5657746478873236,1.6466370000000057,1.970549295774649,93.58061267605636,94.49295774647888,5.093521126760563,21.18450704225352,6.742157984588678,0.6038101408450709,261,10,57,4,10,89,51,71,0.251,0.6409999999999999,0.108,-0.9295,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,11,14,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,1,9,13,0,6,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,36,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327098232228048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778138619938064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26438263503675113,0.0,0.0,0.19403995118133635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001613010372324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349457388448234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240463736198775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214166914577214,0.0,0.1320753205971378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576933602363516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512533382991514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726652259908439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351959449524309,0.18518856764789754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312329874897664,0.0,0.0,0.5396565501414166,0.0,0.14890920439376654,0.0,0.0,0.135511276971988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778081466376415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191750048667209,0.13707247440672315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeNeedsToDie,2019/01/01,"My new year's resolution is to not make it to 2020. The last ten years of my life have shown me just how much suicide is the absolute best ending to my life. It's a shame to myself that i don't have the balls to go through with it.

It's been a joke.  My existence has been proven worthless multiple times, and yet i keep existing. I've attempted suicide twice in my life, and the latter option, surviving that has been the albatross around my neck for the last two years.  I just can't see an existence where blowing my brains out is the bad option. ",4.737142857142857,5.0294162857142855,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.17857142857143,9.614285714285714,28.5,9.606745405546679,2.2318964285714284,432,14,94,9,7,140,70,112,0.154,0.774,0.07200000000000001,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,10,0,12,5,2,2,0,13,16,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,3,3,1,12,2,12,13,2,14,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,2,9,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716332965059578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661671355758183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088513542708223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221637818696609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176266016452398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113103397368795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768914656047122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244435198416299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217052702401887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284239776823295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629709570977628,0.0,0.0,0.19220752515661735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858720660407796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353747763132408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160457967318971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440630752733365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844726004228807
suicidewatch,grossthrowawayyyy,2019/01/01,"I’m just waiting for something to push me over the edge. Bad things happen to me. They always have, and they always will. I’ve had enough. I’m tired of this stupid, unfair, miserable existence. What’s the point of suffering through 15 days of misery to have maybe 1 day that’s kind of good? 

Something bad will happen soon. Do I know what it is? No. But it will, because life fucking hates me. And that will be the end of me putting up with anymore of this bullshit. I’m done. ",0.7231249999999996,3.16271172916667,1.6654166666666654,97.37125,87.95833333333334,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,-0.036462499999999835,370,12,80,3,12,115,63,96,0.318,0.659,0.023,-0.9873,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,3,9,3,1,3,0,11,3,0,0,0,7,20,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,2,0,7,2,14,13,1,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32593682011501984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942371536598484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270642185549218,0.11939238681282305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262265350359164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042933756346795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347084526978565,0.202372259720774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106630305418145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642752530724145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34639075098596744,0.0,0.0,0.1933678787257811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395454610847985,0.1076376844956281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138339333460504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676431476593795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514782652222994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689001412801632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015600126056473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011844548947069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510839024322124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAccount5824,2019/01/01,"Depression is literally deteriorating my brain I can't think straight. I can't make decisions anymore, even if it's something simple like what to have for dinner. My short term and long term memory is getting worse. Why be alive anymore? I don't want to be here anymore. It's not worth it. I just want the encouragement to end my life.",2.0521923076923088,4.8007625846153825,3.7356730769230784,82.75120192307695,84.69230769230771,6.9423076923076925,25.04807692307693,8.07648339933343,1.8485769230769225,268,11,52,6,8,89,46,65,0.18600000000000005,0.6970000000000001,0.117,-0.3971,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,1,0,9,13,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,4,11,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6908343329709914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920986005657803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999187397759474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056585869795912,0.0,0.0,0.15336464799876506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131391797994118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400837730938947,0.11344025760053032,0.0,0.0,0.20548800208688506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549940275831536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875743323200147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878315980611312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739128981005898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952265939306186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366296901240474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaxenMillionair,2019/01/01,"I don’t get it. Hey all, happy new year! It should be anyway. I don’t know if anybody else experiences this but despite if things are going relatively well in my life I still feel this overwhelming urge to end it. I don’t understand how I can’t be proud of myself. I can come up with thousands of detailed and thought out reasons why I should give up but every reason to keep going feels like a lie. This feeling has been a constant in my life even when I was a kid. ",2.404252577319585,3.9448375051546383,3.8583376288659785,88.99616623711344,76.01030927835052,6.499484536082474,24.496134020618552,7.1686216300943375,0.8915783505154642,366,12,79,4,8,121,68,97,0.0,0.8420000000000001,0.158,0.9252,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,0,13,2,0,3,1,21,25,7,0,4,4,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,8,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,3,3,11,4,10,18,1,14,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,7,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714512267559746,0.0,0.215086374936986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626839491995976,0.0,0.17628613688555966,0.0,0.0,0.13146089218826995,0.0,0.16769576549104812,0.0,0.0,0.19469464668666428,0.0,0.0,0.30191457769707003,0.1421908079937578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398769273493907,0.19093272878536147,0.22623261581635395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187670324988672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691165743171436,0.0,0.0,0.10938455711984682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28116893806734866,0.0972385596604569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222946528291576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092827311700292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894979168462958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322301626951737,0.0,0.0,0.15801174007198499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720269365708494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895657483023875,0.0,0.17959833701501213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817216241490464
suicidewatch,Macsilver18,2019/01/01,"I feel like life is a test Like really it must be a test, because everyday sucks and you really have to struggle to get through the day just to doing it again the next, what is the point? People see death with fear, i see as an escape, have a good day reader.",2.764444444444444,3.7847715555555546,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,74.18518518518519,7.622222222222224,20.907407407407405,8.07648339933343,0.6929407407407409,200,4,45,3,4,66,39,54,0.194,0.653,0.153,-0.552,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,2,7,0,7,1,0,0,1,5,12,2,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,3,6,10,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,7,29,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132904376106427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34135653210460715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978064148858237,0.1338157053042264,0.18906702092292368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826943918137374,0.0,0.0,0.22197704727461767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869311182857522,0.25859062274469463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814597780400249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347596569104893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250181126323397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390849413908085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217858201216583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766711167951541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Statisdick,2019/01/01,"Giving up So last night I was contemplating killing myself. I'm so tired of living. Everything has been going downhill for me. No matter what I do, things keep getting worse. People tell me that things get better eventually but it feels like I just become more tolerant with every bad thing that happens. If anything, as time goes on, I lose more will to live. I just feel so alone and cold. ",3.5231467181467195,5.95275004054054,4.0004247104247135,85.21040540540544,75.62162162162161,6.390733590733591,22.73359073359073,7.447530270364453,0.9971374517374508,309,9,57,4,7,97,62,74,0.219,0.653,0.129,-0.8274,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,14,7,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,3,8,2,7,11,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043159451724196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925304306361734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158372634243026,0.0,0.21373108779650268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115547803201464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630515798341427,0.0,0.1739261067737591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957022139639463,0.13825295953888042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022156914229814,0.1856450160165729,0.10998365197491017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113186077695805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201224581223853,0.21410466555086569,0.0,0.0,0.15774717648588374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454562389818004,0.0,0.34176893068347514,0.0,0.0,0.2165028761579237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816083436840016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416456840128935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914774158108148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857044964619227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284489076217145,0.22242636438285668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721659804752145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayway234,2019/01/01,Im going to do it Honestly fuck this. i’ll do it before this weeks sunday.,-2.5272549019607844,-0.9614205882352956,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,107.8235294117647,4.619607843137255,11.549019607843142,6.42735559955562,-0.5269450980392154,58,1,13,1,3,22,13,17,0.179,0.667,0.154,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416637282305128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798429400435991,0.0,0.0,0.2949816701816956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5606508933663021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41634155939591627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KarmaXcoma,2019/01/01,"Just a rant. I think yall could understand. I've used heroin for 10 years and things weren't ever great really while using. When not using life has gotten really good. But it always seems to crash eventually. My last stent getting off of it was the worst I've ever experienced. I wanted to die. I was so broke. Lost my job, my money, everybody and all hope. I had a great cooking gig in Chicago, i moved there to work in a big restaurant and be a better chef. I eventually got the job and everything kind of was going well. I worked so much I never did anything else for a year and some change and i got to the point where dope didnt seem like a terrible idea..it spiraled bad. Drugs were super available and cheap, I almost died a few times on accident, I lost the job, my self respect, my money, confidence, hope for a normal life, all of it. And I'd sit around without eaten for days maybe having drank a glass of water...I dont know how I didnt just die. I was hoping I would. So i moved to a new town in with family. Got clean and have been for a year now. Got a girlfriend which I didnt think I'd ever meet some one like her or at least not in a romantic context...we dated for 3 months...it was amazing. Everything, we spent everyday together, met her family, took her on dates all the time did things I never thought I would've done...at least not for a long time...she gave me back all those years I've wasted on chasing heroin..and 2 days ago she ended it....barely will speak to me and now nothing. I have no family to really talk with this about and my lifestyle hasn't garnished many friends or anyone like a good friend. I feel terrible and hopeless. Like I've wasted my whole teens and 20s and I'm completely inept at how to handle getting the girl of my dreams....I just fumbled like an idiot the best thing that has maybe ever happened to me in this context....I dont know what to think. Feel. Do...I'm scared of suicide, im scared of going back to dope, I know I wont get anywhere with it and I definitely wont die...I've somehow survived all the times I wish I didnt. I just cant fuckjng deal with this. I fantasize about what is next. Like if I died. What will come next. Like a whole restart. Everything seems so bleak. Like what's it all worth without real connections and love. I wish I knew there was something waiting for me. Something nice and worthwhile someone like her but I dont. I dont think i will honestly ever meet another person like her again. I fucked it up. It sounds so trivial but I cant get past this. She gave me back all the stuff I missed out on like being in college ,her youth , it's crazy and I am starting to think I'm just done for. Forever single and lonely and paying for my stupid terrible mistakes. I'm constantly shaking and pacing. Like what do I fucking do. This isnt the life I want. And it wont get better no matter how hard I try .",1.2083979135618463,3.3438458501683535,2.908041618369488,91.55729011425734,82.08080808080808,5.915283987415135,20.68046586079373,7.135373973100315,0.49625874040956,2241,65,482,30,61,740,264,594,0.16699999999999998,0.716,0.117,-0.9798,3,2,3,0,0,2,96.0,1,1,0,9,33,51,4,3,27,0,44,10,0,6,14,100,102,38,5,12,16,0,3,12,3,7,4,2,1,3,26,30,3,1,16,1,6,7,25,19,1,1,33,6,64,32,53,59,18,66,0,6,0,3,25,20,2,13,50,299,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493106089819098,0.0,0.055703116668258466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628671138615807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833050473772827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03889618859632697,0.0,0.045776865960490284,0.04952045611218181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283228270624628,0.04644681470368607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837785022180074,0.09839637881387696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058846741746941274,0.047918346989076564,0.05832459610681694,0.060113792953621764,0.0,0.04441420037314047,0.0,0.0,0.0717505426247933,0.057349726929826185,0.0,0.0,0.2886639051255349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385292275779405,0.2607810496901797,0.0,0.06451048356077546,0.0,0.04646981413805373,0.0,0.049269640331411214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25159224450792866,0.0,0.0,0.14998379792903116,0.0,0.15732256418425108,0.0,0.05625408371769716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595566229693116,0.10285384398448713,0.1453159139583889,0.0,0.06322901964629267,0.09331576867158038,0.17796224712726627,0.12265949443766905,0.0,0.0,0.0491914006894466,0.0,0.04983150221986261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657526045127269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627969141360489,0.060087473112370324,0.0,0.1656057575498197,0.0,0.0,0.0579277002720138,0.0917146047156988,0.04534400859615248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787449111726947,0.3261226738839015,0.0,0.0,0.04922877329817405,0.0,0.0,0.1214484344761882,0.0,0.05020618058486118,0.0,0.0,0.056397767341341526,0.11177102415679403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182469055483459,0.04089276783024876,0.0,0.08580703936765875,0.05372558944743983,0.11832140241708942,0.0,0.05450334541718845,0.0533762885206797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376947762971114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310294408713241,0.0,0.04857197115531741,0.0,0.0,0.05258616689568667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331651301452057,0.1069096073422922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138608510339802,0.0,0.0,0.1519241352490873,0.058031834013369164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047133178595218775,0.08564985854717531,0.0,0.0,0.03937357981226322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368041971924629,0.06084768655367815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471144656661374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108697372133894,0.17821995372713328,0.0,0.0441621884682916,0.1297478613751208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061804433184001785,0.037767563936541376,0.0,0.0,0.05791040845606276,0.0,0.14413344397404648,0.0,0.0,0.06562132984454377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001599236672245,0.0,0.0,0.1242127044056327,0.1279382435473968,0.10724625570168182,0.0,0.08099527154623487,0.0,0.0,0.07903265901669115,0.0,0.0,0.14328968696571084
suicidewatch,EZ8531,2019/01/01,F! it all Here is my letter. Maybe someone will figure out who I am one day and why I did it. I'm ruining another person's life because I was completely fucked up in an accident 6 years ago now. I already put a huge damper on my life to begin with due to not being diagnosed bipolar until I was 23 and got into legal trouble. Wound up spending my entire 20s in prison. I am in recovery and I think that's what I'll use to take me out of this world. The same thing that's ruined my life to begin with so tomorrow night I'm going to take enough benzos and Diesel and that should do the trick especially since all the shit where I live is laced with fentynol. Going buddy bye bye I'll see you all later at some point. ,1.907626082526744,3.5358954834437104,3.8658278145695375,88.03478858889456,77.60927152317879,6.765359144167093,21.5491594498217,7.61054688173877,0.7819929699439632,562,15,120,8,13,191,103,151,0.134,0.815,0.051,-0.9115,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,3,0,5,0,11,8,1,1,3,21,24,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,6,0,1,4,1,14,0,20,17,6,28,0,2,1,1,6,14,2,1,13,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665176839077502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729713763145868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697709581441025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145116117136911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695714287619395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114770455773585,0.0,0.0,0.19066378792028327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409925746017975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736642908586784,0.0,0.0,0.2135189591984332,0.0,0.1502407992239692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980520147267544,0.0,0.0,0.16587498472623952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872056596801035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628449241713331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729201634314613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164023367518838,0.0,0.0,0.17757896115759975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884112672508396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969212280104285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282531756548135,0.15539145477566932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591646888353275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824796319007773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479918782458785,0.12036668998217374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224207974535915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950539980647095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096923610368585
suicidewatch,Sinfor4,2019/01/01,I'm going to try it tonight I can't go through 2019. I'm refusing to let another year fuck up my mind. I'm through. This ends now,-2.5730000000000004,-0.9365189666666645,0.5166666666666693,102.045,105.33333333333334,5.066666666666666,22.66666666666667,6.742157984588678,0.6368666666666667,101,5,27,2,5,35,23,30,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971392794583486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354489995992221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501367052555309,0.0,0.0,0.430490485485972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872847422764136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382416897498197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571378937332217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438945252198711
suicidewatch,LittleRedLamps,2019/01/01,24 hours into 2019 and nothing's changed I'll be pretty surprised if I make it to 2020,0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.73684210526315,3.8,25.28947368421053,3.1291,0.17971578947368405,70,3,15,0,2,23,18,19,0.0,0.733,0.267,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992278962634926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647453110084595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150097033271258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452819161052654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801114429810067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e2xinaris_w,2019/01/01,How to hurt myself Tell me what I can do to hurt myself enough to go to the emergency room without killing myself. I'm still young so they'll take me seriously. I live in England,2.8128828828828847,4.366142000000004,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,74.94594594594594,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.3344306306306302,142,5,30,2,3,47,28,37,0.26,0.657,0.083,-0.7639,0,0,0,0,0,5,2.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,6,5,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31333167572271603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234031227023255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6492570390471071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33549408713912665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677696329436768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421707111980204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800142973026236,0.0,0.2650482510849721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29231598561602506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Devlarousse,2019/01/01,"Can't escape my path of self-destruction New Years Day has been something I've been dreading. Just a few weeks ago, I had made a list of New Year's Resolutions and I was excited to change my ways baby step by baby step.

Now that the day has come, I have no energy to even get out of bed. I've succumbed to the reality that I'm too immersed in my world of self-pity to change anything. 

I don't know what else to do when I can't even force myself to put in the effort to change my ways.

I'm trapped in my own head, and I want to escape. I feel like I can't. My life is one big train-wreck and I am the only one to blame for that.

I don't have the energy to kill myself, but it would be a sweet release from the fuckup I've become.",3.0171779141104333,2.729031361963191,4.738779141104295,90.11994785276077,72.8036809815951,7.9923926380368115,23.048466257668714,7.554174236665415,0.6092557055214725,564,11,141,6,10,193,92,163,0.08800000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.079,-0.0946,0,1,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,9,0,18,2,1,1,0,12,26,5,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,2,0,2,5,2,18,3,21,19,2,22,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,11,86,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906435602452552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909859596242312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326126281321644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978736471201661,0.13513793894211212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234880912113007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105282840977697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072350762132408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793230715201798,0.11207486287712097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819631491558028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100379442968885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356410389331933,0.0,0.08621696024555697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080874574039697,0.07664347923807338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844333069816446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030307129764796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261143999131854,0.11931405328207853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770739216813806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327319406213457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077362933019417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253169008369264,0.24904754931513354,0.12583940314195025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144281178005844,0.0,0.0,0.2020507194522045
suicidewatch,milkytease6,2019/01/01,"i don’t think i’ve ever been genuinely happy looking back at it, i think the last time i was truly happy and carefree was when i was 10. since then i’ve known nothing but insecurity, self-doubt, horrible depression, crippling anxiety, trauma, eating disorders, bpd and so much more. even if i’m having a good day, it’s not necessarily that everything is great it’s just that those i mentioned above aren’t as heavy as most days. is this normal? does being mentally ill mean i’m gonna feel this way forever and never be truly happy? i’d rather just end my life. ",3.66153153153153,5.4255746126126185,5.378558558558559,78.46801801801804,73.14414414414415,8.536936936936938,25.84684684684685,9.150863307647796,2.2084846846846853,446,15,84,10,9,152,83,111,0.149,0.618,0.234,0.8752,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,11,3,0,0,2,18,19,10,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,2,6,5,3,12,3,12,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,10,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293334938158893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999977684878325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293018397786886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180645815758547,0.0,0.14561457160001284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937619858709972,0.0,0.14794904177209742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299467427846846,0.0,0.0,0.1497405191685544,0.0,0.0,0.11166517455318624,0.15292806303430975,0.0,0.0,0.15194381785413918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548383593404267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180285824602187,0.0,0.18639365189702095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5399153008546975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780972101073968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941489984435835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197117637225656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416025391793248,0.0,0.0,0.17037674319696655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428148945176645,0.0,0.1303925758012712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564681991375693,0.16222146337207088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763706188032645,0.0,0.0,0.13985148414417867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665876363447206,0.0,0.0,0.0985825753579422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419513035381025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MadHacktress,2019/01/01,"Op-out method... A long while ago (281 days ago, not that I'm counting) I decided that I was going to die by hypothermia. I know what I'm in for. I actually don't mind the cold in the slightest and I've been going in the lake from time to time in winter my whole life. It's also super symbolic for me.

I had originally picked a day and time: January 13th at 2:15am. But I think I now have another, better plan!

I live on an island that is only accessible by ferry, and the ferry stops running at 2am, hence choosing 2:15am as the time: the ferry crew will have gone home and the ferry will have been shut down (engine start up takes time). January 12th is my grandmother's birthday, and there's Christmas, and my best friend's birthday is soon, etc, and as much as I know my friends and family don't give a single shit combined about me, I still care about them.

But here's my better plan: fuck the date!

Last night when I got home from a new years party I walked the 2 minutes from the house to the lake shore and laid in the water for a while. I decided that I was going to do this every night until I am just ready to stay there. It didn't happen last night because I haven't got everything finished that I had planned to finish before the 13th. But I can speed that stuff up.

I like this plan. I like the cold water. And I like that I don't have to opt-in to dying, it's just part of my routine now.

Now I have to opt out.",2.7366818181818218,3.6869133166666685,4.124181818181821,89.78209090909094,74.16666666666666,7.1878787878787875,22.303030303030305,7.520522993642371,0.6425666666666672,1105,26,250,13,22,366,147,300,0.032,0.84,0.128,0.9786,0,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,8,14,12,2,0,20,0,24,5,1,2,0,27,41,21,2,0,6,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,2,0,14,11,2,1,6,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,10,2,32,10,36,29,6,54,0,0,0,1,4,13,2,0,37,160,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.11320472625929345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566392035885814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276963203905787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216419805854882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071593370436294,0.0,0.0987122167346768,0.0,0.12174071448947632,0.20519504254552265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827543499740745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962802314512022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079098441471194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937690260207746,0.0,0.0,0.09773971667714718,0.0,0.10425834828536144,0.0,0.10935975029535464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925126914894055,0.10724530285961556,0.0,0.1112831368235831,0.19778595817496086,0.0,0.18556054252692775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258336413414132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327261396759993,0.0,0.0,0.13385488088569292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750728189758334,0.18912008521516546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193818211403793,0.17002342146464525,0.0,0.10243506529661846,0.10266130068150522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117132581004033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527745975900368,0.0,0.0,0.11203892607982784,0.0,0.3265901761136459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822748205719337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562275422021255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907807574638303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821093568903519,0.12364652874026405,0.09264221764727017,0.09698587141906692,0.0,0.0,0.13279865164880073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722177001696978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433170087829025,0.0,0.0,0.3382189753321456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951610350122789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470379948859718
suicidewatch,surrogoat,2019/01/01,"I don't see any reason why I'm alive. I'm currently at my friend's. We had a nice NYE last night, I drank a lot to make myself feel better and it didn't work, the alcohol went through my body as if it were water. Today I slept well, I'm currently with people that I love and that I know can take good care of me, but I still feel like a piece of shit. I'm extremely frustrated cause I seem unable to feel anything good, all I want to do is curl up and cry and hurt myself, and I know that I could ask my friends for some comfort, but I can't say anything, as I'm frustrated and feel guilty for feeling this way. Drugs and alcohol used to help me but they're doing nothing anymore. I've been through other lows in life and I feel like no matter what happens, it always comes down to this again, and being dead is the only thing that will bring me any real comfort. I don't want to kill myself, but right now I don't seem to understand why I'm still alive if I can't feel good about anything. I'm not looking for meaning in my life, not even huge changes, I just want to be able to feel joyful again. ",5.507019774011297,4.0465898432203415,6.080000000000003,86.50045197740113,67.9406779661017,9.222598870056501,29.41242937853108,7.793537801064563,1.5620378531073444,857,23,200,8,12,280,129,236,0.151,0.621,0.228,0.8987,2,0,3,0,0,3,22.0,1,0,0,2,9,21,4,0,5,0,18,11,3,4,1,48,56,17,2,6,9,0,8,2,2,1,5,1,0,0,12,12,4,0,15,0,0,3,9,6,1,0,7,11,27,15,25,45,4,22,0,2,2,1,7,8,1,6,12,117,39,1,0.10416557044092767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226426320570372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667409913671915,0.0,0.0,0.14167231977888745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330425575365698,0.0,0.0,0.25715816697323385,0.0,0.09738074704386797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212598212970632,0.0,0.11570446631295768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062037413358762,0.10700673456978503,0.11019336166476038,0.08972941548491514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831677319674711,0.0,0.11442098789099098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207989913315906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880037686734053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213539379210312,0.14883180867252768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095612265758222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621074151515037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211326992883308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981998615056545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151139756058427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524377027965363,0.0,0.11449334669864812,0.08490884270284252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471504458886488,0.10178007222247884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747284440108559,0.0,0.0,0.08855784299282721,0.09401349421833437,0.0,0.06953132712822974,0.0,0.0,0.11346684339354167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775233148955002,0.0,0.09994967419904052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922261020069986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221529087526488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856322390734955,0.0,0.107099555164532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889568280055449,0.0,0.08283664251448469,0.0,0.0,0.08300647327955091,0.18965684628839352,0.0,0.0,0.1069244611581428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637351822055513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831954540638626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920297645347531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873678101753992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844003242515313,0.0,0.08996560811086379,0.0,0.0,0.18431865684878465,0.08268178130780156,0.0,0.0,0.09365735760849687,0.09656252738893324,0.1879864508097871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583377588695167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrashPerson90,2019/01/01,"2 days (: in 2 days, on 3rd jan 2019 I going to kill myself. I'm really happy about it. I can't wait to be out of pain and finally free of everything. I have no friends or family. No interest in living anymore. I need £6k for surgery which I have no way of getting. Tired of all of this. Time to end things and be happy. I'm done crying and being sad. I just want it all over now.",-1.5193181818181785,0.4141621547619039,1.8572294372294391,95.34837662337664,94.11904761904762,5.435497835497836,15.96969696969697,6.980632752743323,-0.09058095238095196,287,7,70,5,11,103,58,84,0.229,0.56,0.211,-0.2057,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,11,14,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,15,10,2,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,6,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139612175476409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369859179910277,0.2782755487572689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207821948031948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910861674174861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938978305788143,0.0,0.20338532773291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363382676095635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666841686449331,0.0,0.11271793695386355,0.0,0.12261294128092262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593294504531095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386900445090563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050692115177364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997229592444165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956805205032715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821186833468552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333149193015834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580273264639932,0.24796731392067034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725207994707327,0.17124845891935814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D3pres510n,2019/01/01,"Is it even worth it anymore? I’ve been suffering with depression for a good 2 years of my life. The hardest thing for me. It’s started to take it’s turning point and right now it’s making me feel the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. Everyday I get the odd thought to end it all. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to, as all my friends don’t understand anything I try to say, and my family. Well, my family is a different story and I’ll not go into that. Sorry if I wasted any of your time. ",0.2781339712918651,1.9753391578947368,3.1500637958532707,90.93696172248804,82.85964912280701,6.952472089314195,21.767145135566192,8.00094639256281,0.9984140350877198,400,13,94,8,11,142,74,114,0.17,0.7440000000000001,0.086,-0.872,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,1,3,16,18,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,3,1,1,3,3,13,3,14,15,3,12,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463328662946753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635191105075151,0.0,0.0,0.15081971121108073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785449130273407,0.0,0.0,0.19148336976531088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623272535230078,0.0,0.0,0.12105141080072145,0.16578273266843366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455507230476689,0.0,0.09266934818200226,0.0,0.17597274398691368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159781248206588,0.0,0.09575362453381782,0.0,0.1041594076300923,0.15372237687301288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072314844939904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589051090391899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223374874813246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419188504961035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325411730349508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174106597786105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651585094063725,0.0,0.14574763829721746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051613606196972,0.12972299024920786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377999932034485,0.14730950486707645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175976808171968,0.0,0.0,0.14549988015749518,0.10686912795504898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443169637195035,0.19935057423704566,0.0,0.19079574139036512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478623790443306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802309285626335
suicidewatch,dragonking233,2019/01/01,"I dont have the strength to live anymore. People said ""New year, new me"", ""things will get better, it just take times"". Correct, new year, a new and more depressed me. I fought this war alone and nothing is getting better. For the past few days, i couldnt focus on my job and keep messing things up. Told myself today i need to focus, MESSED UP AGAIN. I guess its the after effect for being alone yet another Christmas and NYE. Everyday i live, i think, tomorrow will get better. BUT NO, the past 4 years my life has been like SHIT, i live just like a puppet, a zombie. Wake up, work, sleep, repeat. The only things keep me from ending it all are video games and my parents. I cant do it anymore, the flame of my will to live is fading, fuck...i wish to just die in my sleep tonight...i really really want to end this once and for all now...",1.9564102564102548,3.7356213668639033,3.1176094674556185,92.77803155818542,77.93491124260355,5.6900986193293885,19.55069033530572,6.42735559955562,-0.014467771203155344,637,14,138,5,15,205,101,169,0.16,0.7390000000000001,0.1,-0.8959999999999999,2,2,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,6,6,12,3,0,9,0,14,5,4,1,3,22,28,7,2,4,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,1,18,6,16,19,4,27,0,1,0,0,5,5,1,1,24,84,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185704746504154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064524029865584,0.0,0.0,0.20929179374241472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799673436908526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805063719210659,0.0,0.09088284131450808,0.0,0.10951143759777827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236667762350199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869159616707836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755005836545802,0.16538702304845776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624041130709653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471072795345952,0.1875792002923505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453076483962089,0.10310191834435163,0.0,0.3726987133948387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824055486986531,0.0,0.40764130407080174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124774843240963,0.0,0.0,0.11237364979403633,0.0,0.08025149628588094,0.0,0.0,0.11716569337651288,0.0,0.20145850050519146,0.07315317095433109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135195575028993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037215967504072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831311889073196,0.0,0.0,0.21118920363377444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933670313777375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030520430058688,0.06761192859488349,0.0,0.0,0.06152862625068909,0.0,0.1000191030696303,0.1008273508863098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062237484846163836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134094985409673,0.0,0.0,0.07681865023783663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385116567128272
suicidewatch,Asarax,2019/01/01,Third Suicide attempt is coming up soon. Need to talk. I really need to talk to somebody right now. I’m planing my next suicide attempt and I just feel like being torn apart on my inside. There only is one person I care about .. and she just acts colder and more distant to me. That’s not the reason I want to die btw.. I feel horrible for years now. I’m only waiting to come home to get my rope. But I just feel like being torn apart right now because of the person I care so much about. Please help. I’m actually feeling like loosing my mind. I can’t take this any minute longer .....,0.7100840336134446,3.0518912268907563,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,86.31092436974791,4.408403361344538,19.42436974789916,5.773587663045528,-0.15959831932773086,452,13,95,3,14,147,74,119,0.16,0.687,0.153,-0.4512,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,20,22,5,3,3,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,14,5,13,20,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,9,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.14151688700888934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861737880614348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840177553052367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957115294306232,0.0,0.0,0.24984075282286464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050604184195265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933023259043928,0.3108031874646289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576604708167993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720267209849276,0.0,0.1454651227949047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125457665889784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464270863836527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066050953515671,0.21505838081008696,0.0,0.0,0.15422854768801586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982681152347204,0.2205858186657052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25324867408930685,0.0,0.1591864837484858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290240050950292,0.14910290758440856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476895760161927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172528430408115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903567174337413,0.23312034266433565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553551760318287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338699452483896
suicidewatch,drifloonaway,2019/01/01,give me a place to discuss suicide I'm trying to find a place where I can discuss methods of suicide but all I find are prevention sites... it makes me want to kill myself even more.,2.9401801801801817,4.5250568918918965,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,74.67567567567569,6.014414414414415,28.54954954954956,6.42735559955562,1.2503765765765769,143,6,29,1,3,46,27,37,0.29,0.675,0.035,-0.9118,0,0,1,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,6,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345266401528194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523691352392053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373973175458132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737906697763514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518922088960514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171103202471197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413875487225558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680169782855167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596516696288564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aronSton,2019/01/01,"Complete 23 years of suiffering Just turned 23, and I don't know how I survived all these years, I guess mama will be sad is the only thing holder me this last year. Probably I will see another year, or maybe not. I guess I still have some Hussle left before I give in.",1.1369696969696967,3.421832909090913,2.5740909090909128,92.93446969696971,83.54545454545455,5.848484848484849,18.25757575757576,7.1686216300943375,0.2167575757575757,210,5,45,3,6,68,44,55,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.7005,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,12,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,9,2,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,4,6,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804508755220398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694313950485366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802300051643825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994767036428609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581426294008956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427936437356442,0.16950030466513355,0.0,0.0,0.2259293528599123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089054677106572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581490942278053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419640940021995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570267668471153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606257445580616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814727911967453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618094511570616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5356307558154542
suicidewatch,ouun,2019/01/01,Chance I feel that my only potencial chance to get close to someone is only here.,1.7043749999999989,4.387680687500001,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,85.875,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8407249999999995,65,2,12,1,2,21,13,16,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267973911244214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768927783083353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8061476418311709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44905050025939297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kessel2019,2019/01/01,"Why dont you choose right paths? You know suicide is the way.
So,what are you waiting for?
Suicide is super easy and ultimate problem-solver.
In the heart,you know it.",0.5672727272727265,3.057501484848487,1.2870303030303027,97.59054545454543,94.75757575757576,3.852121212121212,21.75151515151515,5.6839178017228535,0.10458060606060604,131,5,27,1,5,40,26,33,0.227,0.607,0.165,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403014835675772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440797432487636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191501436334776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778367152515573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479671112232711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6352166472363532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047542185757616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26200606632192897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dwarfwitch,2019/01/01,"I just wanna give up, new year and i lost the two things that meant the most for me. So a few days ago i had to put my dog down(he was 13 years old an my bestfriend, i got him at a point in my life when i was bullied and had no friends) and i called my boyfriend for emotionalsupport and he broke up with me in that conversation. We had had a big thinker on christmas about or relationship and he had decieded to break it up and was just waiting for the right moment.

and now im just alone in my appartment i moved to 2 weeks ago and as soon as i close the door and step inside i start crying and panicing.",2.2534883720930203,3.4194818294573683,3.2534031007751985,94.71359302325584,75.66666666666666,6.40031007751938,23.752713178294567,6.742157984588678,0.3743606201550391,472,14,115,4,10,151,81,129,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.9382,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,8,0,8,1,0,0,0,22,14,15,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,13,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,11,0,18,1,19,3,2,29,0,2,0,0,9,12,0,2,13,79,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587605897515758,0.0,0.0,0.20958435738456951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066326051725318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228340968392152,0.13050572441981967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563431517822434,0.0,0.0,0.194122545785238,0.0,0.0,0.16184610688015522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858396940893987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293314299908094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209002934493641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507709216482504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544094620678568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123432109586591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374263416568648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912959973298292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034281056622658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725935045049072,0.0,0.17281468555906054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323174065098726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443926546945847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767671770785164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623213157411463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606269404419457
suicidewatch,bleumilk,2019/01/01,"Vent The only reason i haven't killed myself is because of my dog. I don't care if that makes me a pussy or whatever, but i can't leave her alone. I just can't do that to her. I know my mom would give her away and it wouldn't be to a good place, and my dad wouldn't be able to care for her. I don't want to leave her, but i seriously don't know how much longer i can go on. My family wouldn't care if i was dead, my friends wouldn't care, and i'm almost certain i would be completely forgotten in a month. I really just want to die. I hate myself so much and have for so fucking long. It's literally impossible for me to have any positive emotions toward myself. I'm a fat, ugly, trans, gay, virgin who hasn't ever even held hands with another guy. The most physical contact i get from anyone is when they're sad and i offer to help them feel better. I know it sounds petty and rude, but it's honestly kinda upsetting that when my friends are hurt or sad i'll always offer to help, but when i'm hurt and sad they just tell me to stop being a pussy and shut the fuck up. I understand that, yes, it is annoying that i'm never happy and never have been. I hate it just as much as you, but i can't be properly medicated, go to therapy, go to a mental hospital, or do anything to help myself really. I've tried being positive. I've tried loving myself and all that shit, but it just makes me more upset because i realize there's nothing to love about me cause i'm a shitty douchebag. I hate myself for everything and try to change, but then i just become an annoying little bitch who is a fucking goody-goody. I hate myself so much jfc. I'm sure my dog hates me too. I'm not sure what for, but i'm sure she does. 
I'm sorry. I sound so selfish and petty, but i just needed to get this out. I'm sorry ",3.2996891191709814,3.5174091968911902,5.227454922279795,85.0846435233161,72.3160621761658,8.663046632124352,24.24829015544041,8.726425361277474,1.3751172227979271,1394,34,316,24,25,484,173,386,0.315,0.5529999999999999,0.132,-0.9983,0,1,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,1,2,1,20,39,14,2,12,1,33,11,3,5,8,69,74,37,3,11,22,2,2,0,2,6,2,2,0,1,17,14,1,2,7,0,0,3,15,23,0,0,3,4,53,16,32,59,7,22,0,5,0,7,26,9,5,8,10,203,70,0,0.08177710901451167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188796199911047,0.0846964222533561,0.0,0.0,0.06804510572769011,0.0,0.0,0.05561123838642544,0.08575042907920223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057180456035438525,0.0,0.06729559285768058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683228585694853,0.0,0.0,0.09970113325512496,0.0903163920053756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232520737706098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335088511956352,0.08400761749932291,0.08650933807965781,0.0,0.08574174292710744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487172821661672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071563699184812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198824074336913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401300924580131,0.07397207693147305,0.0,0.0,0.07349599256381402,0.0,0.0770921804025593,0.0,0.04134896344493523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636158313544385,0.2268048586354112,0.08545032846875777,0.07844805457763357,0.13942744682149133,0.06859075915271459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097219490313072,0.0,0.0870532531851109,0.0,0.4036898239232897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444041715485386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508817310886587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047425483785068,0.0,0.13482768137464413,0.0,0.0,0.1731803015279383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196214684992556,0.0,0.0723701681022965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761406735420024,0.0,0.1091737105536899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238183394390829,0.0824120917053157,0.0,0.0,0.0957763617163886,0.06527370821625414,0.0,0.24046233808170506,0.06063669014027458,0.12614309574169644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846734164025061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219517642320034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543967354975501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047770201144971,0.08408048802519133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839430272347625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830855567024393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836932487267874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23122187236153546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147679775066818,0.0,0.09351925110381397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656386709130802,0.0,0.0,0.08513285450875463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646851533718853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618422388805626,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mnlbvk,2019/01/01,"So angry at myself, I don't care about living. I am sick of sticking around for nothing to improve, I need to actually go and shoot myself this week I am 22, male, canada. I dont want to get too detailed. But in one sentence. Long history of depression and suicidal thoughts, recently failed, moved back home, no job, no friends, no hope of getting better. Unemployed, so alone, nothing to do, trapped inside alone with my thoughts and my shotgun. Time to fix everything is running out and this is my last shot to fix everything but its all getting worse and I never will improve because i am inhuman and bad and broken and terrible.

I have always and will always hate myself. I am so angry at myself. I cant have one day of not feeling absolutely miserable, anxious, I cant stand existing. I know i am going to destroy my family by doing this. Theres nothing i can say about that, though it does prove how bad and shitty i am. 

I used to be scared about how much it will hurt to feel lead pellets shred through my skull and brain but I just want it to hurt. I hope i fuck it up and die slowly and agonizingly.",2.979596250901228,4.910029319634706,4.4230713770728185,83.88099495313627,75.43835616438356,7.350252343186735,27.964671953857252,8.20500826718156,1.9861726027397255,867,36,169,15,19,288,126,219,0.378,0.562,0.06,-0.998,3,3,0,2,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,14,17,3,2,0,0,21,4,2,4,3,38,40,22,2,5,5,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,9,16,0,0,6,0,0,5,9,12,0,2,2,3,28,5,27,34,2,20,0,5,0,1,3,6,1,2,8,120,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.1166104827474758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475228382052805,0.0,0.0,0.1988598484752271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499603182589248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637643185250703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918847518771349,0.19954769430636396,0.07284341775904686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568416072053302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339662586361728,0.0,0.0,0.12183374341301514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706478602111612,0.0,0.10292139806305907,0.0,0.12401758239989726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457141791483217,0.0,0.14004797077166106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214789907201642,0.0,0.11264983094323595,0.0,0.1208411467266105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923220156934026,0.11047177050023874,0.18729458044482775,0.0,0.13582422351417106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797718051558335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986384487788493,0.23737221642143705,0.0,0.0,0.2558450545552217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858095936807285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567166489956969,0.09740487505650296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055168172673998,0.10574985892845007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700492763372542,0.08784302633441943,0.08860448436651752,0.0921623849251434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439777960948393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619466425301671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798750371075716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950277092158914,0.11963595674964315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070880783886366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740383498200388,0.1897323409708721,0.0696788540391887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032058445089092,0.0,0.0,0.1409632194514826,0.0,0.095852174453412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177624043626807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxxxvx,2019/01/01,"What do you do when NOTHING goes right I’ve never been at such a low before. I have nothing, no one or no motivation to hold onto. I’ve dealt with depression and absolutely crippling anxiety my entire life but I’m at a whole new level where I can’t control or even really explain the horrible feelings and thoughts I get in my head. 
I hardly have a family. I live with my emotionally abusive father and older sister who sexually abused me growing up which I always blamed on myself. My mom is all I have but I can’t really talk to her and I have no way to live with her.
 I majorly suspect I have undiagnosed BPD by my thoughts and actions and I’m living completely trapped by it. The most important person in my life is also extremely emotionally damaged and depressed and I am so in love with them but they don’t really believe in love or relationships of any kind because they’ve been fucked over so bad in the past. It’s hard for me to be around them sometimes because all I want to do is make them happy and show them not everyone is out there to hurt them. The problem is we work together and are completely understaffed so there’s no option for me to take time off or switch shifts. Lately i’ve been getting so distracted they’re all i can think about and it affects my job and my life.
I was planning on finally telling them about how I feel, and explain that’s why i’ve been acting this way, and in my head I planned the perfect NYE night for the two of us. I spent days stressing about cleaning my place and made sure no one would be home. The day before, I lash out at my sister because i’m so stressed out about everything and she decides to retaliate by messing the place up and telling me while i’m at work. I spend the entire NYE day at work crying when its busy, and I should be working. We end up getting off an hour late and we go to my place and end up hanging out for an hour or two before they tell me they can’t stay long because they has to go home to their roommate/the last person they somewhat dated. I absolutely break down.  I know i’m acting extremely selfish but i can’t stop myself. At first it’s a breakdown about everything going on in my life. Completely cutting ties with an on off ex of 4 years. Finding out i have a lifelong std. Losing a pet. Losing a grandparent. All within a short amount of months. I haven’t come to terms with any of these things yet because I’ve been living in such a dissociated bubble. Of course they feel bad i’m literally unraveling before their eyes but they also have so much stress going on and they remind me, so i feel even more selfish and hyperventilate even more. I eventually start begging them not to leave and not to leave me alone and they actually things like “this isn’t fair” and “this is crazy” which i know it is, but I can’t stop. They finally end up leaving because i beg them to come back and they tell me they’ll try and assure me they’ll send me a message in a bit letting me know. I knew they weren’t coming back and it was only 10 on new year’s eve. i’d never felt so completely alone. i’ve pushed all my friends away and completely isolated myself, and after this selfish blow up, i know i have no one to blame but myself. i end up taking a very small handful of sleeping pills and fall asleep before midnight. i woke up a few times in the middle of the night feeling horrible and wishing i was dead. i still haven’t heard from my person. i texted them saying i’m quitting because all i want now is to just give up and be dead. i don’t want to put people through this because it’s absolute hell trying to deal with it myself. i have no path or future, no passion, no talents. i have nothing going for me and very little stopping me at this point. there are so many posts i know no one will read this but i can’t keep this all in anymore and i have no one else to talk to since i’ve finally pushed everyone away.",3.2287242481887763,4.657074262233376,4.4954071720565025,85.72861850892464,73.62986198243414,7.400404743594932,26.53112478245032,7.996032779217251,1.5230366859594442,3085,109,638,45,62,1018,322,797,0.179,0.716,0.105,-0.9977,3,3,0,0,1,1,51.0,4,1,25,13,37,32,3,4,27,0,57,16,6,6,12,125,109,64,2,7,18,5,9,1,1,5,6,2,4,3,25,54,0,6,21,2,2,18,28,21,0,8,17,12,112,11,100,82,18,130,1,7,1,5,60,60,2,9,48,436,137,7,0.0,0.11890247454950872,0.04896526455307552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393594958264613,0.0,0.08025264890229843,0.04175107100216848,0.0,0.0,0.06824381379263038,0.0,0.038385072205444466,0.0,0.049761847654092216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466794069577735,0.0,0.0,0.09428540635706516,0.07716563859530037,0.08379097155293147,0.24469822180539,0.0,0.21348356940340987,0.056532008479704486,0.0,0.0,0.054780009335013216,0.0,0.06319585318203888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296684673117068,0.263046809797415,0.0,0.05627748557594369,0.0,0.0,0.055116797718768346,0.09707954755890393,0.05173002032972665,0.0864343130324477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041916231493509294,0.1128841679226926,0.17776680953343446,0.0,0.0,0.09942379954938688,0.0,0.0,0.09589205930062113,0.09019124508929796,0.0,0.04730216910206714,0.0,0.12685434831744535,0.0,0.04817754348773552,0.16489851295130908,0.045860635447894565,0.042680313241937766,0.0,0.0,0.03876642833466447,0.04638759175626452,0.07864583410308193,0.04813410548232755,0.1425830011245582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341407755682673,0.08989701471633928,0.0,0.1029916317036122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006627317975234,0.0,0.09882797200106903,0.0,0.05371524277118922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049792676521106964,0.044599395996923516,0.0,0.05225135799499556,0.13787913271965085,0.04090074377128995,0.11320310669037008,0.15938978243796492,0.0,0.05130912083335373,0.14176527418200707,0.024513822839182502,0.05029027989633732,0.17722793870891845,0.0444048399155955,0.0,0.11226988477064724,0.0,0.0,0.09057294189075114,0.04747844887220777,0.033493366584941814,0.050871343375158994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058766396724446016,0.04005059874868633,0.0,0.03688568062034487,0.0,0.07739879731866921,0.09692202502527357,0.0,0.09417495130142517,0.0,0.14443781887638454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000530329987926,0.03816167524567062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478993802456458,0.03478623679744843,0.1314371936797859,0.1572720552916838,0.0,0.04743324211298933,0.0,0.04805545110115208,0.0,0.0,0.04801236797255567,0.0,0.05044148713591719,0.0,0.05336914415711426,0.05019032304324239,0.0,0.09643352213388877,0.0,0.0,0.05387104547441565,0.0,0.0428506656449776,0.0,0.039902561176298514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04150672156552659,0.0,0.0502129815483691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962608333006892,0.0,0.035515358017915916,0.053481733412516906,0.04007121297649696,0.1258500155126337,0.17243187389796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047290987877238434,0.0,0.07545333458757117,0.08066033314134302,0.1754267453026463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667039893689304,0.032151231829746704,0.0,0.07966946067817549,0.05851692646144825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813343165982735,0.0,0.09803077682771234,0.0,0.06035644553819895,0.0,0.0,0.08280213829848009,0.0887866318284901,0.07965592850345161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045276707421121776,0.05602054332338894,0.0577007798812584,0.0,0.0,0.14611707040297706,0.0,0.0,0.03564411965420825,0.0,0.0,0.0646243567022234
suicidewatch,JFB31000,2019/01/01,"Do it before they do it for me. I'm white, so I'm hated by everyone anyway. How about I just beat them to it? I don't want to die in some gulag because of something I have no control over.",-0.28197674418604635,1.1375546976744246,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,83.41860465116278,5.230232558139536,20.05232558139535,5.985473137389443,-0.0827162790697673,144,4,35,1,4,52,33,43,0.179,0.7490000000000001,0.071,-0.5796,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,8,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,8,8,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436586341560477,0.0,0.34012255292618976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483071488791365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148343895511564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819386675262781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946294607028976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077151849839762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357584705278448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicideThrow_Away,2019/01/01,"This might be the year. Why not end it before it all goes to shit. No job, single for years, unable to do basic adult tasks like taxes/bills/job searching because of my sheltered upbringing. I mostly sit at home at the computer and delay looking for job offers, because parents still support me. My dream is to travel. Haha.

I've got one thing that might just work for me this year, there's this girl that seems to like me, but I need to ask her out - and even if I somehow get the courage, this will likely be a long distance relationship for some time. If I screw that up, I don't see a reason to stay for longer. It's the same shit every day. I know full well I'm never going to change.",2.3162765957446823,3.9912025602836887,3.3868262411347523,91.70875,76.58865248226951,5.5510638297872354,20.96985815602837,5.985473137389443,0.053287943262411375,535,13,114,3,12,172,97,141,0.085,0.804,0.111,0.4118,4,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,0,6,1,8,3,2,1,2,21,19,5,0,3,5,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,3,0,1,3,2,0,2,4,3,1,1,1,2,12,7,17,13,6,19,0,0,2,1,7,5,3,8,13,75,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702526665935238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786981646471055,0.0,0.12472218801832585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550540042520145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452697473949194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981950732793018,0.0,0.0,0.09680958785687314,0.0,0.12349344107052852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657795035682008,0.0,0.08330038664882032,0.0,0.11722721685013028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470239161352584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43635102085533056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055227464540098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482339107458373,0.0,0.0,0.12971182766789782,0.12308377367562562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31097998632818324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086814651405712,0.11304555402727362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932114898366216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627511364349334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070068315359186,0.0,0.1573637418837473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679910537612875,0.13343387027382314,0.0,0.0,0.3009086138146375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562265149693382,0.11705278708201147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632845077280745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973760891142748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546745687238262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178605412765448,0.0,0.1322586565235142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670634266149276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28316316765158
suicidewatch,convictedfelon1999,2019/01/01,MY BROTHER JUST HUNG HIMSELF LAST NIGHT AND USED THIS ACCOUNT WE FOUND HIM A FEW HOURS AGO... HE HUNG HIMSELF AT 12AM.... HE ALSO USED THIS ACCOUNT. REDDITORS YOU FAILED OUR FAMILY ,-0.2696103896103921,-3.4081609696969646,0.7050432900432924,94.20613636363636,173.84848484848484,3.3670995670995683,20.538961038961038,5.288315135182226,0.5727506493506498,140,6,25,2,14,43,27,33,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,4,15,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952357807250557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663463255473991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139773977079645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651808557649558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279949953531329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714866852283241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125523279396885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753102728310103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sexyharambe69,2019/01/01,"I deserve to die I've done some fucked up shit this last year and the guilt is tearing me apart. I'm a horrible person and I deserve to die. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years but this guilt is tipping me over the edge because I can't talk to anyone about it. It seems that my only option is too kill myself, or is it somehow possible to make myself forget everything ive done?",4.9781707317073165,5.1257370609756085,6.059658536585367,80.82802439024394,68.63414634146342,8.999024390243902,31.03414634146341,8.841846274778883,2.4326897560975613,317,12,63,5,5,106,57,82,0.318,0.682,0.0,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,2,3,0,9,2,1,1,0,12,13,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,9,0,9,10,1,6,0,1,0,1,3,3,2,5,3,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611206912718639,0.0,0.0,0.1472676296329201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838958084820346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713588528435648,0.18140328342825626,0.0,0.43717238734732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310666588783352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928811280699687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471113171818533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301543878064385,0.0,0.0,0.1716801801151467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058783967644445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018298631212982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390179903944728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743793526342344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173692924313085,0.0,0.0,0.21619433460645227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928519196726538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712596440911444
suicidewatch,shmarbleblarble,2019/01/01,No one can help me I open up to my friends. None of them can help me. I open up to psychologists and psychiatrists. None of them can help me. I open up to random strangers on the internet. None of them can help me. Why shouldn't I kill myself?,-0.5171428571428578,1.6976504509803974,1.3651540616246507,98.25176470588237,93.50980392156865,5.2672268907563025,17.089635854341733,6.868970318607317,-0.19643641456582686,187,5,46,3,7,61,27,51,0.037000000000000005,0.6629999999999999,0.3,0.9375,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,13,1,10,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,0,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409348491565795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8361070112051938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34501626841041266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113179050325296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813964850886224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,x_MISSingLink_x,2019/01/01,"Im stront, but im fading... Long story short: my ex wife (26 f) divorced me (26 mtf) mid last year. Took the house, kid, and dogs, leaving me to fend for myself. Luckily I had a friend let me move in. He's since moved to another state and I don't have anyone left here. My ex moved on shortly after my departure, has a guy living with her, and wants my daughter to call him dad... makes me torn between who I am and who I used to be. I love my kid more than anything, but feel like even she doesn't want me around. I work excessive amounts to occupy my mind and my time but it doesn't always work... 


Most days, I just want to die and I don't feel like I deserve to be here.  Today is no exception. I think everyone will be better off without having to take my thoughts or feelings into account... But when I try to follow through, I falter and wonder ""what if...?"" And it pulls me back.

I just want this pain to end. I'm tired of being pushed and pulled. I just wish someone would kill me so I didn't have to make the choice.",-0.3174776386404261,1.8160110930232565,1.6303488372093042,98.10219588550986,89.23255813953489,4.610017889087658,17.571556350626118,6.093298490706669,-0.42396601073345197,775,20,182,7,26,255,138,215,0.131,0.746,0.123,0.0228,0,0,0,0,1,2,44.0,0,0,0,3,11,7,1,0,4,0,19,3,0,3,0,40,38,17,2,7,11,5,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,3,6,12,0,0,6,0,1,8,7,2,0,0,4,3,34,5,25,27,3,29,0,0,0,1,18,9,0,4,13,115,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366816372725636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064259988132718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711563917621755,0.0,0.10252626495154156,0.11091076895174057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580137543777506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018898949144824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721946469021436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034970272883707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930388045521085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034901784332024,0.0,0.0,0.0822899667215437,0.0,0.0,0.11905028380235146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898807194964132,0.17801304499224735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625727779558553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233628586333012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437591657217598,0.0,0.0,0.2691553499492357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783944874987578,0.0,0.0,0.10155679603113472,0.0,0.13192193370219182,0.13536648946543234,0.12740085970435178,0.0,0.12173594299132293,0.0,0.1100145129580392,0.11025748811122646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244658333078436,0.0,0.16632846667451598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579953762280818,0.0,0.0,0.39725568735133343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257165295806578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030614425870217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556399297480368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367554479483313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983170456120861,0.0,0.0989098781827458,0.07264894250145297,0.14319691434602655,0.11809595810488445,0.0,0.13842314363049388,0.08458786300648385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760503407999132,0.0,0.0,0.2939436638550577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327138807073944,0.12009950655666987,0.1351116319798629,0.1814047881202392,0.0,0.0,0.08850456631482477,0.0,0.0,0.0802313357545577
suicidewatch,Jeni65,2019/01/01,If you ever talked to me you would just start yawning because i'm the most boring person in the world I'm the most boring person you could ever talk to and i'm not lying i know i actually am so boring. I'm not funny. I'm not interesting. I'm so awkward and shy. Nobody likes talking to me. Everyone is better than me i'm just replaceable. I'm just trash and worthless. I can't believe somebody pathetic like me even exists. I'm also so stupid and this is true. I'm always making dumb mistakes and i'm so careless. Everyone is going to leave me. I want to kill myself i hate being a shit loser. ,-0.6330800000000032,1.5264321520000053,2.6123000000000007,87.46565000000002,99.48,4.420000000000001,18.25,6.2581,0.2746399999999998,469,15,91,6,20,167,69,125,0.329,0.551,0.12,-0.9841,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,0,2,11,18,5,1,4,0,8,2,1,1,3,23,25,11,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,0,0,14,5,7,22,2,6,0,2,0,0,8,2,2,3,5,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.18021238467358436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768143669864758,0.15366117464394113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257380736995637,0.0,0.0,0.20806112560613013,0.0,0.16332660818253822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744487123466404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197354031572062,0.3340912211270653,0.0,0.3529223590550431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049528594651862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232450922804735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431124508874127,0.0,0.10149042400128612,0.0,0.0,0.1955400632667829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804419729633577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326941390210035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224954168910639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956226212185825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071117698153492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452949795117822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892381769668713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118507295131082,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Back_fliep,2019/01/01,"Spent my New Years countdown alone crying in a bathtub I’m in my last year of high-school. My parents went away for vacation and all of my friends went to different parties/get togethers that I hadn’t been invited to. My best friend, we’ll call her Maya, went to a party of 15-20 people. Maya is extremely introverted and one of the most innocent people I know. 

Last week we had a talk about how after knowing me for 7 years, I’m the person she’s closest to. She said she was the more comfortable with me then anybody else in the whole word, which would be shocking to hear if you saw the way she acted around me. We don’t talk a whole lot, she’s asian and spends way too much of her time focused on school. So even when I’m the person she talks to most, it’s only a few times a week. We had never done anything sexual, and I never wanted to cuz she was just my friend. She was just super uncomfortable around everyone and I accepted that. Like literally cuddling was a big no for her, with anyone, and and even just like any physical actions were way to intimate.

Last night at this party, she got a little tipsy, and ended up stripping, and groping/made out with every single guy and girl there. She told people really awful things about me apparently too. And she’s been ghosting me all morning.",4.007565535460273,5.275679027027028,4.988864052021949,83.57423694371064,71.47104247104247,8.078114204429994,25.986791302580773,8.532816995589336,1.7011498069498068,1024,32,204,17,19,335,150,259,0.059,0.795,0.146,0.9722,3,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,4,1,0,2,15,10,0,0,14,1,16,1,0,2,4,39,31,17,1,3,4,1,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,4,6,20,0,0,3,0,2,5,5,1,0,1,19,3,34,9,32,9,12,39,0,0,1,1,34,13,0,4,20,142,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887950329283066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148972591664901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350699693751694,0.0,0.08651027433275657,0.1871700105920574,0.0,0.0,0.09876994680995338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032393178692973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073460619678158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154766869944084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983497260098624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758106059361837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781982525289027,0.0,0.09311100731590972,0.0,0.0,0.13887031970351935,0.0,0.08857373542435995,0.10045301773161976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24366176352633984,0.0,0.054924334891364966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840793842961062,0.0,0.0,0.1040919099889583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848537321545508,0.0,0.0,0.11107207597864252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554971341672066,0.2570767487480925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271914059596114,0.10536451954415732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893749171780036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728018266418367,0.0,0.16216030432893128,0.1015319721930848,0.0,0.09865423812934236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123653771294723,0.07995355336157299,0.0,0.0,0.1167307022432783,0.0,0.0,0.2186447441414648,0.18358506906767905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673468229416109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999951647015701,0.0,0.0,0.21278756142283012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25349045377837265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984147400136707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260038827623085,0.0,0.0,0.10045301773161976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200642101439949,0.2503339209756871,0.16865251254706415,0.0,0.0,0.29236036909515595,0.0,0.2347402974904268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467895485333406,0.0,0.0,0.2030943447366633
suicidewatch,plantingivy,2019/01/01,I can't be the only one who started 2019 in tears I wish I was brave enough to follow through with it. I can't because I don't know what awaits me after that. I can't put my best friend through another suicide funeral. I'm in tears,0.5705882352941174,2.396771156862748,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,82.52941176470588,5.648627450980393,23.925490196078428,6.742157984588678,0.6124007843137251,183,7,43,2,5,61,37,51,0.276,0.557,0.16699999999999998,-0.6237,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,8,3,7,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383053729506601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966720716833077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385799673797446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333627263262173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24926290730153566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773088466196555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862223566938785,0.24537442647836424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243319612415501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283589635077288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529045288615937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710082348212518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kacachu,2019/01/01,"i hate “it gets better” i was told that continually during my lowest points. but its only gotten so much worse. so much so that my lowest points now seem like my highest

sometimes it doesnt get better
i cant fucking stand this",1.16,3.7736293333333366,2.806111111111111,88.30250000000002,89.0,3.888888888888889,16.38888888888889,5.46131890053228,-0.5087777777777776,180,4,34,1,6,59,32,45,0.224,0.609,0.16699999999999998,-0.4709,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,7,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,3,22,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372926632708794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285512531345346,0.2583248847021347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407893823026494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077938769598902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634708424957867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880222354490584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46740632633482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506014455357587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244507272393902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362296628154697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519386828661473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hellish66,2019/01/01,"I want to hear your stories. In short: I’m doing summer school to get into university this year and I wanted to hear your experience of similar things and if it was worth it in the end. 

Long story: My mental health took a hold on me this year and I struggled more in school than I had the years before. I ended up dropping two of my classes as a suggestion from teachers as I was clearly not going to pass them. I also planned on going to med school this year, but I got steered away from that by several heads of my school who said I was not the type of student they wants, I don’t have the best grades or any scholarships. I’ve already been rejected from one university, so I’m down to my last chance, and my only way of getting there is by doing summer school. It’s a struggle I know that many people would’ve faced in one way or another, and I just wanted to hear about other people’s experiences, the toll it took on your mentality and if it worked out for you in the end. Anything would be appreciated. ",6.153791574279381,5.413934853658539,6.9318403547671865,78.55811529933483,66.3170731707317,9.796008869179602,30.831485587583146,9.095868883498916,2.339390243902439,795,25,164,12,11,265,119,205,0.045,0.8690000000000001,0.086,0.7964,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,2,3,5,4,0,2,9,0,12,3,2,0,1,24,30,15,0,7,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,13,8,0,1,1,0,2,5,3,3,0,3,9,4,24,1,35,19,2,33,0,1,0,0,12,14,0,4,11,115,37,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089956719095942,0.07898671075492847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716730792791707,0.10356945182360301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127968264714824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279810974716762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404639686311413,0.0,0.10365351668561226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26244396462610176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932329483215755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320699001379732,0.0,0.1122670707814862,0.0,0.07899576929404675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136699952988536,0.10498839299567148,0.3339645010107637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428166832736433,0.08051111738024631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740875957383115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013775594572932,0.0,0.0,0.10971172815701834,0.0,0.19907480937902855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385885602255174,0.07511939470615958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695001781274868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395333706027846,0.0,0.0,0.4998049537209548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158251943649794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065126853572295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561871276242998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947525720604136,0.0,0.0,0.09648439921027577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302953370603485,0.15679880653602202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190607994963595,0.0,0.0,0.14032741885784036,0.0,0.0,0.25441978254331005
suicidewatch,coopiekeep,2019/01/01,"Five Years without Mom It's been five years since my mom died. I was dealing with the same anxiety and depression and self hate before but after she died my dad finally let me see a therapist. But it doesn't matter nothing helps. I left high school on a full ride to university and have been in school 5 years only to end up with an associate's degree I'm still a year from getting. 

I'm done. My dad has his fiancée and  his new family and my brother genuinely will not care. The only people that will care if I actually work up the balls to do it are my 89 year old grandma, my cat, and my coworkers. 

Last night my dad actually told me to be grateful I have a dead mom instead of divorced parents. So I guess he'd rather have a dead daughter than one he doesn't like.

I can tell my life is going nowhere. I will just have to clean my room and my car before I die because I don't wanna burden anybody. ",2.5743262411347487,3.9817774255319174,4.236297872340426,87.0136666666667,75.27659574468086,7.353758865248227,25.831205673758863,8.021203637495839,1.4336584397163126,708,25,152,11,15,238,117,188,0.203,0.7340000000000001,0.064,-0.9821,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,9,0,22,1,0,0,0,20,32,11,5,3,7,9,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,4,9,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,3,5,1,26,3,17,21,2,24,0,1,1,0,20,8,0,2,14,98,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.2211602605306112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668647710705782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907641950345876,0.0,0.1928472449161818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310665542221617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682388401042115,0.09759895797315707,0.0,0.3528125455067401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596167370403447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036439675388346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068242981811799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413220684189165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920296533553038,0.0,0.06440012928300025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248304174237206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118761511175468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595336761549837,0.11972464076106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236771444938616,0.0,0.0,0.12311823268947597,0.11587335057488607,0.08003848559396004,0.055360503973569626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981432060660869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944135859058464,0.0,0.10633944774619124,0.0,0.10872981743534098,0.0,0.1189061450317309,0.0,0.0767858961093376,0.17236394241204978,0.0,0.0,0.12582407656223468,0.0,0.0,0.07855908942005307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293638083677262,0.09029823016395304,0.0,0.11821336575822468,0.0,0.0,0.09373621728575776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049435331911264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990432326090985,0.0,0.0,0.13156868156895574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827835309025273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923263986919926,0.0,0.08249544256843583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36485914288778143
suicidewatch,imathrowaway264532,2019/01/01,"Guilt is all that’s stopping me I have constant thoughts of suicide, but I have never acted on it because of I cannot hurt my girlfriend any more than I already have. I’ve suffered from depression on and off for the past few years, around 8 months ago it had went completely away but recently I’ve felt it slowly creeping back in and now it’s worse than ever, I want to take my life but I can’t hurt the people I hold closest to me, especially my girlfriend. She knows about these thoughts and always tells me to promise her I won’t hurt myself for her, because if I did it would break her. I haven’t been the best boyfriend to her, but I still love her more than anything. My life recently has felt like I’ve lost all control. It feels like everything is just crumbling apart around me. I can feel my girlfriend slowly slipping away from me and it makes me feel hopeless because i feel like there’s nothing I can do but sit and watch as it all falls apart",3.974396170839469,5.128807809278354,4.108100147275405,90.29061855670105,71.42268041237114,6.7799705449189975,28.80559646539028,6.868970318607317,1.2822751104565535,761,29,160,6,14,235,106,194,0.122,0.706,0.172,0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,3,9,14,0,1,3,0,17,3,0,2,5,34,32,12,1,3,7,0,6,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,10,7,0,3,9,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,9,7,32,6,23,21,7,29,0,7,1,1,11,11,0,1,16,110,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095369190438054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636203224715185,0.0,0.10281973519673243,0.0,0.0,0.08403150739065987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168718181178614,0.22000613272338027,0.0,0.0,0.23219525348334766,0.09501732933082667,0.0,0.22598048773259086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296785820682664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295602851783645,0.13353474654090394,0.13859371809063106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643024196248964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177570055492317,0.0,0.0,0.11105631202446956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24992183796916456,0.17655617201652632,0.23729222484284276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968511637084723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791057366961108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456160526671366,0.18110946946870748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489072240109154,0.0,0.11152631151321102,0.0,0.08248361061041858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098632007729733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530442757310108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856828206468545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796108398486595,0.08566754265582098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440199765026937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868277407880853,0.1033096473847868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351649929628379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290889665562804,0.0,0.10800520241448353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620078368219665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288450135918656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455017813794792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592789234142962,0.08778023787643649,0.0,0.0,0.07957471609574614
suicidewatch,iihoneIPHONE1247,2019/01/01,"Vyvanse overdose?? I have a few 30mg tablets. I’m 5’2 and weigh like 132 lbs or something like that, healthy BMI.. how much mg do I need to end it all? No bullshit like “ don’t kill yourself xDddd “ hopefully I get helpful responses",0.1837577639751551,2.5770735869565264,1.5945962732919268,95.33456521739132,95.7391304347826,4.367701863354037,28.310559006211186,6.18269132825596,1.2543950310559009,179,10,37,2,7,57,39,46,0.188,0.527,0.285,0.5484,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,7,3,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32237863322839005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190164756280444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439684154234742,0.0,0.0,0.3615147024782313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40269042680591055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334673703942827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675675022867348,0.2698868830303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802099238893759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FoxCowKing,2019/01/01,"I want to kill myself this year I think being alone on new years last night was the straw that finally broke the camel's back. These last few years have been absolute Hell for me, and it's so hard to be happy now. I think I'm going to end it soon. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon.",3.4135245901639344,3.754239491803279,4.285368852459019,91.500512295082,72.11475409836065,8.067213114754097,20.16803278688525,8.07648339933343,0.4231606557377052,223,3,53,3,4,72,49,61,0.16899999999999998,0.774,0.056,-0.7169,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,1,5,6,1,17,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,15,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361649507363569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533701583115574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196231421660352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497900507894249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959176327974015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427366670625413,0.20426545518736094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522756849489347,0.0,0.0,0.3717413340278881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290815860357982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202277975741272,0.0,0.2139858520945612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29221820213987243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614087252098985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449495011764714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4405215349905533
suicidewatch,snapecastic109,2019/01/01,I hate my life and my mother I'm lucky because most people can't kill themselves because they don't want to upset their mother but she is a mega bitch. i wish I were dead so I can escape her hellish reign of terror. She is terrible. I hate her. The only reason I don't kill myself is because I'm a coward. I hate my life and I wish I were dead.,-0.07105263157894726,1.8189568947368429,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,85.3157894736842,4.326315789473685,17.394736842105264,5.148860815047168,-0.6326526315789471,268,6,61,1,8,92,44,76,0.438,0.374,0.188,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,2,0,1,11,7,2,3,0,9,2,0,1,0,9,17,4,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,2,0,19,1,2,15,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,2,0,38,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535060814339041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5725383578326751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277209730610828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730704303978202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470152002197409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401155831722525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874708124448748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401477504216513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44457648425907453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XarliCxc,2019/01/01,"I’ve never been so close to self harm before. It’s been crossing my mind a lot recently, but I just got out the medical supplies. I couldn’t do it, but I actually have a nick in my arm. I don’t want to kill myself but I just want it to stop.",-0.08727272727272606,1.2871239090909121,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,82.63636363636364,6.581818181818183,20.090909090909093,7.554174236665415,0.4043818181818182,185,5,47,3,5,67,37,55,0.217,0.7290000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,1,14,9,4,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,5,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.29362075914270713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25603132459247324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064555060578255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33288512880514204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558020177562472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031103981212211,0.0,0.0,0.3038084936133608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206137894758666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29708804553984586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31388910567809875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515536774229478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549400236698728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GalaticalExplorer,2019/01/01,"I want to have good genes My genes is not good enough for me to be satisfied. There’s nothing wrong with me, and I probably have the best genes in my family. But compared to other people, I’m such a beta. I don’t how long I can go looking like a loser. I want to die.  I’m also really competitive in life. Maybe that’s the reason I’m so suicidal.",-0.43293333333333095,1.659389973333333,2.921333333333333,88.96066666666668,89.26666666666668,6.533333333333335,17.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,0.6608666666666667,268,7,60,6,9,97,52,75,0.153,0.585,0.263,0.6604,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,0,8,13,5,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,4,8,12,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836508544639907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24100328682597325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834022547577416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23728962280800364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649338414164204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051526820227022,0.385238697161626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220843855598813,0.11219528756179964,0.0,0.0,0.20323283790330507,0.1928479852121947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307140815510293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203551676394443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921024910257273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476013157944336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711953629029365,0.23611823271572924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511995970985015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27090679287330816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510859948444669,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreenGumbo64,2019/01/01,"I feel hopeless I'll soon be 24. Failed my high school finals twice (Europe) and am now in class with a bunch of 15-year olds for three years doing an apprenticeship in a job that I don't want to do, but have to. It's humiliation. I'm gay and I've never had a boyfriend. I struggle with my weight on a daily basis. I'm scarred emotionally with jealousy, anger and depression. I have to take anti-depressants daily just to get out of bed.

It's now 2019 and I don't see the end of my pain. I'd rather just die than struggle massively to lead a normal life like the average person. I feel like a genetic defect that shouldn't exist. I try to stay positive but it is so hard. Please I need help.",1.4407738095238116,3.4537607361111142,3.3353174603174587,89.47000000000001,80.5277777777778,6.614285714285713,21.3968253968254,7.7094869923839395,0.7929658730158726,542,16,119,9,14,182,94,144,0.237,0.621,0.14300000000000002,-0.9465,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,1,2,9,0,11,4,0,1,1,21,20,7,1,5,5,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,5,8,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,1,5,11,2,18,17,1,15,0,3,1,1,2,5,0,0,10,71,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050172227009272,0.0,0.18376887246772267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917793164943104,0.15682989957916885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906203984890973,0.12649758246854284,0.0,0.1939695964226598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925108445690028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861835882000114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868510548664656,0.18708231200505865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571290116706578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506853091491138,0.17301319112429492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129385263385346,0.13656593874743905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348927516032442,0.0,0.0,0.18580332655614634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884130862857193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460915296745642,0.0,0.19436774944410545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920250704846874,0.14110045819850428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873117883858687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702203297287523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313327631113944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021770850519972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443943268660497,0.0,0.0,0.21562140777766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805227586810875
suicidewatch,TheChosenOne1125,2019/01/01,"My girlfriend’s life My girlfriend has a really shitty home life and it’s been going on for about 10 years now, she feels like nothings gonna change and almost killed herself a few days ago. She thinks that she matters to no one (family, friends, etc) and thinks I’d be better off if I moved on. I’m not giving up on her but I’m at my wits end. What do I do if she does kill herself? Is it invasive to tell the authorities? Who would I even go to for that? Is there anyway I can make her happy by myself with no outside intervention?",1.155194805194803,3.1327490000000004,3.025551948051948,91.50581168831171,81.32142857142857,5.858441558441559,20.003246753246753,6.980632752743323,0.279007142857143,416,11,92,5,11,139,80,112,0.155,0.746,0.099,-0.8238,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,0,15,19,6,2,3,4,0,1,1,3,2,2,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,1,16,4,14,15,2,14,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,3,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682420496015051,0.0,0.19005254063882396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785848711669696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007782229480876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240224365961433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609111419495085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810226934180847,0.0,0.21167188904001946,0.1253579816142492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892208318790626,0.0,0.09596618799204164,0.1355897742476085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663534985945764,0.0,0.0,0.182068911188855,0.2157300442890233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204058734402056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903801243631689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199606773587725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681160152044797,0.09272437887196457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266898122456738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017223287161967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211367424269526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286101825638138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158770585560333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588942596213868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432262826519813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348251097781313,0.0,0.0,0.12222192708425755
suicidewatch,FatalTouch,2019/01/01,"How long does it take to recover when someone betrays your trust? Feel like I won't be able to trust anyone again. I am not sure how people manage to lie so perfectly on your face. Its my 2nd day after the incident and don't know what to do, can't sleep don't feel like staying awake, feeling like I am gonna go insane.",4.45544117647059,4.162335426470592,5.4429411764705895,86.31823529411768,69.73529411764707,8.564705882352943,27.294117647058826,8.07648339933343,1.4632823529411765,251,7,56,3,4,83,51,68,0.103,0.632,0.265,0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,0,0,1,0,8,2,2,2,2,10,15,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,7,6,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,31,9,1,0.2362879053730725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165217997404301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238615135493924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677713830807096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584227938414055,0.5064123804332367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428786188043326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985765333046648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346315005606502,0.0,0.0,0.20910736070841396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638122821638102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364585496724663,0.0,0.2002059754393692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518514680214996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269855446162376,0.0,0.17765909844789826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zmndyeqm,2019/01/01,i want to kill myself i think life is pointless and have serious depression. it gets worse in occasions like new year when everyone is celebrating and I'm incapable of feeling the same way. it makes me feel like a freak.,3.6692857142857136,6.160731880952383,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,75.42857142857143,9.914285714285716,29.54761904761905,10.125756701596842,3.5460761904761906,177,8,33,6,4,58,36,42,0.322,0.475,0.202,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,10,3,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,2,3,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676104840176682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968927443578648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31420441592665554,0.2219683136034846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233097706924246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437499761703009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194607228873466,0.3035903573458979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739856033361814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000816356259933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990877560047896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326235406842864,0.24662383298728924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166357944830372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008437355104755
suicidewatch,throwaway88888899997,2019/01/01,"january will be my last month here I’ve spent my whole life knowing my dad hated my guts, but I never realized my mom felt the same way until this Christmas when I heard her talking to my aunt about me. I’ve done everything I could to be what they wanted, working hard in school and sports and earning a scholarship to a well respected university, but it’s never been enough. My whole extended family thinks I’m a joke too and has no respect for me or my possessions. Last night I went to a party with my friends, who i consider my true family, and had a breakdown and completely embarrassed and isolated myself. No one wants anything to do with me anymore and frankly I’m tired of this existence. Anyone on this sub who makes it to parenthood, please treat your kids like human beings and give them love and respect. My life’s dream has always been to be a great father and break my family’s pattern, but I just don’t think I’ll make it that far anymore.",9.37202380952381,6.652890296296299,9.107347883597884,71.8461011904762,61.38095238095239,13.047883597883596,38.43981481481481,11.45678717892309,4.176422751322751,762,28,148,17,8,248,120,189,0.094,0.6659999999999999,0.24,0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,2,6,13,1,1,7,0,14,5,1,2,3,31,30,16,0,3,5,4,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,10,12,0,0,5,3,2,1,5,2,1,1,8,3,26,11,15,16,4,14,0,0,0,1,17,3,0,1,9,100,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489826785023828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738875896230628,0.09655265111425987,0.0,0.11363267013274495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478010783332632,0.0,0.0,0.1102501028481648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413094949155267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426793210699546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410241925863913,0.0,0.3905243984115493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325838155321293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106684579807833,0.0,0.0,0.13246427484825116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223984405261395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369756065992045,0.136330926439221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588822581992298,0.2251163623018705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950678635762508,0.06746164146216492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462763095115675,0.0,0.18434639939574196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172416729353048,0.11021859588583904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300023046462385,0.0,0.0,0.12958396658677687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357036552904716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157650511614515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397499832361311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098796198164752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695933339278785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870906581449898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289291045684398,0.10960590937384168,0.0,0.0,0.1241555235973343,0.1280067199628882,0.0,0.3083352468516227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052794988050373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon00094,2019/01/01,"My NYE At midnight this morning, I was on my own, crying hysterically, holding 32 pills in my hand and trying to decide whether to take them or not. All this after a big argument over the phone with my ex. My ex who I live with, am still in love with, still sleeping with, and desperately want to get back together with. ",5.060714285714287,5.5600496349206345,5.91123015873016,80.73446428571428,68.52380952380952,8.839682539682537,30.035714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.1926857142857146,249,9,51,4,4,82,47,63,0.116,0.762,0.123,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,14,6,4,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,14,5,2,10,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26233101225364386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747482843646011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824204006997948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30125056571467856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30791025593143057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34140642176087554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5449016973726442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565098922342868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316252728675731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122503077924747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Da7aS,2019/01/01,"i want to die without my family knowing it was a suicide. hey... i dont really care about my family since they all just didnt care about my depression or me being suicidal, even made fun of me. but my mother didnt help because she doesnt understand or know what depression is, and i dont want to make her feel bad after i die because she will blame herself... how can i do it?",3.8791139240506354,4.059703493670888,5.8074430379746875,81.56762025316458,71.0253164556962,9.864303797468356,28.458227848101266,9.888512548439397,2.515367594936708,292,10,63,7,5,102,53,79,0.375,0.574,0.051,-0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,3,1,16,21,5,4,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,1,16,3,7,15,1,1,0,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985705990563393,0.20421516323044248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415586275806601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28853822008842506,0.0,0.3476809794539664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39262187430346107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063340144262324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158117002424365,0.0,0.08469397532031557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227296867004052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841092878349318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849431376869216,0.11180879491181127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073059832265322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855927284025454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664397051874319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437534772339386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975938784544331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614658196047909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinyeri,2019/01/01,2019 will be my last year. This will be my last year of trying. I can't do this anymore. ,-2.3181666666666665,-0.5413951499999996,-0.009999999999999787,107.00833333333334,100.5,2.666666666666667,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.0548333333333333,67,1,18,0,3,22,14,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131844954504789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6792172708763962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828640706768489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365914546306865
suicidewatch,rhinoceroskiller,2019/01/01,"I need to hold on a little longer... This year past year has been the most defeating to my soul. I'm tired and I just want to rest. I was left traumatized after my previous attempt and my anxiety and stress is causing physical pain. I have found it calming to write out and plan my next attempt. There are just a few things I need to get settled first for the sake of the ones I love. That being said I'm looking for a friend, someone to talk to so I can hold on just long enough to give back to the ones who made an impact on my life. Trying to be selfless before I finally free myself from the pain of this world.",4.195703125000001,4.353495914062499,4.939062500000002,88.1496875,70.328125,8.275,26.9375,8.07648339933343,1.392309375,479,14,107,6,8,155,83,128,0.14300000000000002,0.75,0.107,-0.5984,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,6,8,0,1,9,0,9,5,0,2,0,18,21,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,5,2,14,5,20,14,4,16,1,1,1,1,7,7,0,1,9,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132687867732244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337143138101332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759216535218175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781797103472748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792189903453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900046973002142,0.0,0.1475354723291032,0.0,0.19017767161356952,0.13400612320827893,0.0,0.09061984632384952,0.16638790693073294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884526435923045,0.0,0.1225120266090017,0.0,0.17384127796837284,0.0,0.15349674201098146,0.14565331931022754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654432626045192,0.1641214613423095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572201951971477,0.0,0.0,0.1844647811066535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506681011098754,0.0,0.3691235336605063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557651882153382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498954120989412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696261698757698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986850300740113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941158632989642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152316847086672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935389599994527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776035902494372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023046042256253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339069856353508
suicidewatch,mtvogus,2019/01/01,"Second time’s the charm I attempted suicide November 12th, 2017. It was an overdose, and obviously, since i’m writing this post, unsuccessful. I’m now writing the notes for my second suicide attempt. I don’t want to fail again. Im going to overdose and hang myself. I hope that even if the hanging doesn’t kill me, the pills will. 

Life has become too painful, and I don’t bring any good into this world. I only cause pain, hurt, disappointment, and anger. I’ve become a burden to society and it is clear that i was not made to last. My thoughts harass me everyday and it’s a constant struggle. Then I’m constantly hurting those who mean the most to me. The world would be better off without me and thats the conclusion I’ve made. 
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suicidewatch,ifight4thetrees,2019/01/01,"What's the point? I can't shake thoughts of killing myself lately. This is the first time I've vocalized it in any way. I don't have any friends and I don't know how to make them, and everything seems so hard I just want to stop. Finding a roommate. Finding an internship. Graduating. Dating. Finding a job.

I don't know where I went wrong.",-0.3293478260869556,1.8060490000000016,1.1887318840579724,96.7813586956522,102.47826086956522,4.6188405797101435,21.692028985507246,6.42735559955562,0.52712463768116,267,11,58,4,12,85,50,69,0.217,0.736,0.047,-0.9009,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,1,5,0,6,0,0,2,0,14,13,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,2,1,8,1,4,11,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,33,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27844818926718856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839990138826344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613612512005252,0.1741440766438724,0.0,0.0,0.15817465604932593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339875497252492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031639183911836,0.0,0.22650450849380024,0.0,0.2250295973210284,0.0,0.23094547568176702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665952647925333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935369617174052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637940535437814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116427600418727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253353844745902,0.11938028745127865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075564308729266,0.16250593147959405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978768008088095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384119981691028,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faithlessbeliever,2019/01/01,"I'll make this new year count. Ever since I can remember, it feels that I'm climbing an endless hill.

I guess it's funny, I can describe my life as a series of moments, at times happy and at times sad, mostly feeling bad though, I guess I'm just an unhappy dude in general.

But I'm just done with not taking action, I'm done wondering, trying to save myself from the unavoidable. I'd like for this to be my last year alive, honestly, I hope I'll have the guts to end myself, hopefully today, but I'm probably not mustering that courage today.

I can only hope that I'll gather enough to strength to fulfill my destiny, make this new year count, go where I never dared to before.

I wish you all a very happy 2019.",4.718452107279695,4.949482117241381,5.9112643678160905,81.37739463601531,69.20689655172413,8.9272030651341,28.524904214559392,8.841846274778883,2.104088122605364,557,18,112,9,9,187,90,145,0.063,0.6940000000000001,0.244,0.9775,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,5,12,0,0,6,0,7,2,1,2,3,26,25,5,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,2,14,10,14,22,3,21,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,7,15,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472569511094545,0.0,0.0,0.11691976087948865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28122177564017314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169819977857027,0.14197394181619932,0.0,0.0,0.12428880352651772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895008513533105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780892433246759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302729604708882,0.0,0.0,0.2925359170729179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094162945400664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200171504758608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970517426979012,0.06712812401930887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834350260820542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597359904731699,0.2654091839849526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450110884302187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814358245516845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556507181531421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366111157628438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330989244502907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349976668367004,0.0,0.1602414899749627,0.0,0.26048379556755386,0.0,0.0,0.0932875602537911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337179527707025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800657177341035,0.0,0.14900760063347818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654489179330042
suicidewatch,CrispySkin_1,2019/01/01,"Why do I keep trying? I've spent the last year trying. Giving life a shot after nearly killing myself early last year. I don't know why I tried. At the end of the day I'm still ugly, fat, old, unloved and alone. I always feel like an imposter in normal life situations. Everyone else knows how to live, I don't and I'm ready to just be done trying. Life doesn't get better and some people just aren't meant for this world. ",1.1213888888888874,3.2226654318181818,2.571060606060609,94.04464646464649,82.18181818181819,4.8202020202020215,15.459595959595964,5.82211442006289,-0.7389055555555553,330,5,72,2,9,107,62,88,0.192,0.753,0.055,-0.9045,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,5,0,7,4,1,1,0,13,17,4,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,4,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,6,2,8,13,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,11,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145981415872485,0.0,0.0,0.13775081487598756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464154717039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676601791713436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941506985727509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829573484382107,0.0,0.14662811206605472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819006544899192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370702562520074,0.1182689126757955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649301262825564,0.15881059082707086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714839629464802,0.18315648415753827,0.0,0.18196383882501965,0.26989059912913554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507984628467677,0.08087934011675055,0.0,0.14618363307780244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220379499525958,0.0,0.0,0.17371681714791526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477148610316384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860850727032894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220839868503045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495901784627832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29876614862585266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132174716213964
suicidewatch,CALLMEMANTEE,2019/01/01,Can suicide really be the answer for this? This post isn’t about me but my girlfriend. Right now she’s on vacation with family in a middle eastern country. I try to text her but the only times i can are early mornings or late nights. Shes been telling me that a family member has been sexually and physically abusing her. Shes been scared and panicked this whole time there. Im sick imagining what happens. She says telling anyone wont work because he comes from the rich side of the family and they’ll brush it off. She’s already had a history of that kind of abuse since she was a child. Because of that abuse she also found out very recently that she has a mental disorder. And she found out in the worst way. She already was depressed to to begin with too. At home her step father beats her occasionally and again she cant say anything. I’m white and shes middle eastern and she comes from a very reserved family. She hates her reserved culture and how everyone controls what she does. She tells me all the time she just wants to end all the suffering shes had and is having. I always manage to convince her not too. But this time she really is seriously considering it. I feel so helpless and i know she does too. I don’t know what to do i just want her suffering to end bc its horrible what shes had to go through. I don’t want to let her go but at the same time theres a sense of relief knowing she wont be dealing with any of this. I really don’t know. ,1.6339853274355391,3.9037504414715727,3.3655928363361736,88.11205092242962,81.37458193979933,6.6674290646240175,23.02308771172727,7.831003766801068,1.2070689610529717,1158,40,240,21,31,385,149,299,0.213,0.743,0.044,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,2,1,22.0,0,0,1,3,13,12,1,1,15,0,33,1,0,2,2,42,51,18,1,3,8,1,1,0,1,3,1,2,1,1,16,17,0,1,9,0,1,5,8,8,0,0,10,5,44,4,31,35,5,33,0,4,1,0,42,12,0,1,14,166,60,2,0.0,0.3429047416790595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129148430090426,0.07714729780341817,0.08027105278823264,0.0,0.0,0.06560314080486743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745430631329133,0.0,0.07938687182458233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761485039932833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620131547454406,0.0,0.0,0.10819969181679072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945668680949923,0.08308976437732432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056336995948132,0.0,0.1688436931224458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708881785489153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218154611761582,0.0,0.0,0.36377461194159344,0.0,0.04877830362568488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154950175419268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965263726412763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530840500909954,0.0,0.0,0.09524449060568388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967676189373325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420452396963722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045901614488614,0.21207030862245405,0.0,0.10882274795373116,0.0,0.0,0.09864746096496614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972194148707752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053088107432396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337004236306935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239192096180146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540411443247864,0.0,0.095252824653518,0.0,0.0,0.08238514513364828,0.0,0.15343417630661407,0.09658364192928216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980126396469714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552289659646837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25295799355527643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812631616532708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549702987410054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591962710127992,0.17070212186949507,0.07657366731339843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770569191156007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023155807769635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sir_growzalot,2019/01/01,"Only haven’t killed myself because it would devastate my family I have a 2 year old son, two siblings and my mom. If I wasn’t worried about how it would affect their lives I would have done it already. His mother and I split up a few months ago and she’s threatening me with taking custody and child support.. I used to be addicted to hard drugs for years and went through many suicide attempts, overdoses, brought back to life, jail and rehab countless times. I’ve made it through that and a lot of other bad shit. most of my friends are all dead from overdoses or suicide. I’m constantly seeking for a way to give my life some purpose (other than being a dad of course) but I just feel stuck. My past mistakes make it difficult for me to live a normal life, I have drug felonies that prevent me from being able to pursue many career choices, I can’t even rent a house or an apartment. I can’t connect with people emotionally and just feel so alone all the time. The only thing stopping me is the thought of the long term effects it would have on my son if his dad committed suicide. One of my best friends had 3 young daughters and just hung himself a few months ago at 25. I pretend to be ok and most people probably think I’m fine and happy but I want to die every fucking day ",5.74095052083333,5.7323204648437525,5.862093750000002,83.43186458333334,67.0078125,8.545416666666666,33.08229166666666,8.021203637495839,2.2942107291666667,1013,41,203,11,15,321,154,256,0.194,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.9746,1,1,2,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,1,3,8,13,3,0,13,1,20,9,1,6,3,48,37,19,6,9,9,7,3,0,2,4,7,0,1,1,11,13,0,2,5,1,1,2,4,6,0,2,8,3,28,7,27,21,10,24,0,0,0,1,16,4,2,8,17,134,39,1,0.10466593651074403,0.0,0.0,0.11410132006919058,0.0,0.0,0.18556007507107367,0.0,0.0,0.10840234463025387,0.11550146362299313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048164453406831,0.08739168508738253,0.06380338342284972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984044299289948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131066941129573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750087025254206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862671747788458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071095922874728,0.0,0.0,0.2427585142337283,0.0,0.0,0.11773509092467402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913086393738943,0.0,0.08818556571512783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866972991252644,0.0,0.10584448471869252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172928582623908,0.0967619717397513,0.0,0.1004051035645798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141883567086808,0.0937601206285483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077043801576548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579735120050455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217859388910552,0.0,0.0,0.18484387901567265,0.09262606016706557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889832363321251,0.0,0.0990374398429376,0.06986532536523837,0.21222966330713045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258347984469213,0.16708670390318967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255039509802504,0.0,0.0,0.10982929366239996,0.0,0.07092434735540774,0.15920632228830772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991547959708123,0.1451243634122237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284758216647844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743807973835566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750540955337974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34346263972152163,0.11877366440492887,0.0,0.0,0.07869575841956246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953539743673348,0.06706570589080019,0.0,0.08309306229097102,0.12206309856115982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224341141559648,0.0,0.0,0.0903977637411601,0.0,0.0,0.061734681154943766,0.08307894860389832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702637174860614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629333913212258,0.0,0.2974067131392339,0.0,0.0,0.1348028630107894
suicidewatch,Qvoix,2019/01/01,Low point My self esteem is crushed; never gonna be good enough for anything from little things to big things it just really frustrates me and I hate myself for giving up so very easily but at the same time feeling lost and not wanting to deal with it. I just want to cave it and leave. Nothings working. I’m just a waste of space.,1.7739232409381636,4.100837820895524,2.584648187633263,93.57970149253731,81.23880597014927,5.0226012793176995,20.01918976545842,6.18269132825596,0.02250703624733541,262,7,54,2,7,82,55,67,0.236,0.672,0.093,-0.8646,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,14,10,5,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,1,10,7,2,9,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618285204637614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577988809642096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24633088444410506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054218163950554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286949624929773,0.0,0.1999585735586522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537060195564205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524311327775509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238939387351383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602417154624586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838687441308474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287511889231361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536501753280025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272511736729974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487031487924676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316764677175991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901293239175924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967049322175701,0.2812289433507714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355800840456742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dave4141,2019/01/01,"I will definetly put an end to this. Sadly it's 2019 and i am still alive.I was planning to end this pathetic charade before New Year's Eve but here i am.I made a promise to myself that on the 14th of January i'm definetly doing it.
I'm 18 and i don't even know when depression creeped up on me,i think it was around when I was 14 or so.It was painful all these years,having to put up a fake smile every single day when i was actually rotting inside.I have quite a lot of friends but i still feel alone and my ""best friends"" that i have known for like 8 years now started making fun of me for random things so probably me being gone won't affect them more than one week at max.The only thing that kept me alive these 4 stupid years was working out but now I feel so miserable that even working out doesn't help.
My parents will miss me but i did not ask to be born in this world so that makes me feel ok about hurting them.New Year's Eve was shit,even though i was with a bunch of friends i felt alone as always and i saw the girl i love the most hooking up with some random dude making me even sadder so i had to go outside and stay on a bench for 2 hours listening to some sad fucking song,crying all alone thinking ""Why didn't i end it before?"".At this point nothing i do brings a smile on my face.This is my end.
Sorry for writing in such disarrayed manner but i am not feeling really ok rn,if u want we can talk until the final day,i am still thinking of a good way of doing this,thinking of going on a trip to the mountains and cutting myself or hanging myself in a forest.What do you think?",1.7309068060721842,3.2285305072886317,3.2997265507188125,92.47139941690963,77.74635568513119,6.013833316577863,22.61475821855836,6.647476241863616,0.4242342213732777,1256,37,283,11,29,415,180,343,0.157,0.688,0.155,0.6077,1,3,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,1,1,5,20,22,3,1,15,2,29,3,0,5,2,48,58,23,0,1,9,1,5,1,3,3,1,1,0,1,17,12,0,1,11,0,0,8,6,11,0,1,16,7,34,11,40,37,10,53,0,6,1,2,14,17,1,8,27,179,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.09186678760484916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925010788352067,0.0,0.0,0.07833178901491869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380431022070797,0.08800793094512653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010596861475057,0.0,0.09879382893652967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340806275030108,0.12142466375936985,0.0,0.081082403511942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33351940163415195,0.0,0.0,0.2487135907311102,0.0,0.07931677491954968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039948551281072,0.0,0.09038889497091852,0.10312546253567888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819634411403613,0.08703065485848661,0.0,0.0,0.10700354547190152,0.0789599313112263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309987041853964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270866190663657,0.0,0.1007785180748871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173672854138142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599191236287583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003422408796225,0.08496477340998415,0.08907727994858435,0.18851698376274406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184145778641414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032960099324848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379151111506458,0.07159749970592273,0.1001713001900112,0.0,0.10453101917484116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899246472731821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149854119922604,0.0,0.0,0.1892728417780796,0.0,0.10012918087310207,0.0,0.0,0.060308315678616026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663307049504972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538171001370306,0.06663257886017343,0.10034041659922488,0.22554030771693054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566594156557775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508449478562889,0.30160465921061674,0.09249179763403373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552604635677754,0.0747237284643039,0.0755132055412502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494645545301842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706967576579718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24249157460705575
suicidewatch,Delayandrelay,2019/01/01,"Wanting to tell people I’m not well almost out of spite I am so lost I almost want people to feel this pain. I cried ten hours yesterday and my eyes are swollen. People today at work have asked are you ok?

I wanna be no not at all. I don’t want to exist.

I don’t even care anymore what people think. Everything hurts so much 

I want to lash out

Maybe in the back of my mind I think someone might wanna help me but I don’t have hope anymore

My whole family is dead or has abandoned me. My sister is severely mentally I’ll and it isn’t her fault but she can’t help me emotionally

And now my dog the constant in my life I was told has cancer and it’s not a good prognosis 

I have no wish to hurt someone physically but I want to lash out at the world.

Another fucking thing in my life has to die before it’s time I’m young and I’ve buried so many people first my dad , then my brother who was young, then my mom who was young enough and scared and not ready to die. And now my best friend my dog.

He was supposed to be with me for his doggy lifetime. Haven’t even had him 2 years

I hate the world now ",-0.2398319327731109,1.8660389243697504,1.805672268907564,97.25623949579834,88.32773109243698,4.912605042016807,16.903361344537814,6.367922702773337,-0.4212789915966386,856,20,203,9,28,284,127,238,0.248,0.639,0.112,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,4,10,17,3,1,5,1,25,7,1,0,1,38,43,17,3,9,8,4,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,10,1,2,7,2,34,7,24,33,5,27,0,4,1,1,18,11,1,5,16,133,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736248972608094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380748955467718,0.0,0.0,0.21527336888533896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146475248171158,0.0,0.0,0.08345603994686462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235454339758578,0.0,0.11389986438853582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106577701896461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728682778286173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921963599069943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528256537535374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208627828421248,0.0,0.11214476040799652,0.0,0.1433715271530721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754346999583212,0.0,0.10231631036863822,0.0,0.054878112866464206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231906822010766,0.0,0.0,0.08385319296488171,0.10033804634088613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103327166573016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715497499620603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454962675497312,0.0,0.0,0.10779887179992978,0.10688424704737884,0.0,0.2323760434344889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533217193634727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847781448341176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003656399796843,0.1090371129260291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937686687572047,0.11513755130284778,0.10958852301619948,0.1271138512386355,0.0,0.0,0.07978506732674852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154879573965662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762194703000563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866158945425793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261266417516922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839212177152508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948636059406482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210524759772563,0.1390885651576873,0.0,0.0,0.0632871189979602,0.0,0.10287765652765646,0.10370900412748144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32008118412596626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758520956464237,0.0,0.0,0.12117447056873175,0.12480888329041373,0.0,0.0,0.0790141330160155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989241575212797
suicidewatch,RinellaWasHere,2019/01/01,"I'm in a really bad place today and don't see a way out My ex and I started dating in June of 2017. We live together almost the whole relationship, and most of it was wonderful. I don't have a family, so she was the first person I've ever come home to who was happy to see me. We were there for each other in the hard times and the good, and we loved each other so much. Whenever I got worried that I wasn't good enough, she promised she wasn't going anywhere.

But this last June we moved in with her parents to save money on rent, and it was like a switch flipped in her. She got distant and irritable and just unhappy, and started spending more and more nights at her best friend's place. I tried to talk to her about it every time I noticed it, but she rather downplay or deny, or blame it on something I was doing. I wasn't being ""mindful"", I wasn't pursuing my goals and was just stagnating, I wasn't talking about things that interested her. Everything was my fault so I tried really hard to fix it, to better myself for us.

Back at the beginning of October, I told her said I was worried she was falling out of love with me. She assured me that wasn't the case, that she loved me very much and wasn't going anywhere, right before heading off to go sleep over at her best friend's house for the third time that week.

A week later, she sat me down on her bed and told me she just wasn't in love anymore, and hadn't been for quite a while. She agreed to to see a therapist together to try to make it work, but two posts into the chat with a therapist online, she texted me that she just didn't want to do this, that she was done and needed me to accept that.

So after helping her chase her dreams of Flight School, after holding her when she cried, after being there to help her grow as a person, I had to cancel my grad-school dreams and move into a shitbox apartment and try to pick up what pieces I could. That's been a nightmare all of its own, especially having to go through all our stuff and unpack the life we built together. And it's not like I can just avoid seeing her, because I work for her mom in their home as staff at the daycare they run.

So all of that has been hard, and it's put me on the edge before, but last night was a step farther.

Before I moved out of her place, which took about a month for me to find somewhere I could afford to, I found out she was already having some casual hookups. She's always had a much more casual view of sex than me, so while that hurt it wasn't surprising. It's how she was coping with this. I got over that after about a day.

But she was there last night at a mutual friend's New Year's Eve party, and while I was playing card games with some friends I heard her and her best friend talking with someone behind me about her ""possible new boyfriend"".

It's barely been two months. I still can't sleep without dreaming of her, if I let her into my thoughts at all I cry, and every time I see her at work it's like a knife in the gut. And she's totally fine and is already replacing me.

I just feel completely worthless and want to just be dead. I want this to be over because no one else has ever loved me like she did, and it still ended like this.",5.535540540540541,4.7155393558558565,5.958633633633635,85.29263513513514,67.6036036036036,9.08168168168168,28.25975975975976,8.167268648758528,1.572554354354355,2505,65,555,28,36,809,271,666,0.08900000000000001,0.748,0.163,0.9957,3,1,1,0,0,1,66.0,7,0,2,10,29,37,0,1,29,0,54,11,4,3,8,97,91,48,1,8,18,3,4,5,5,0,1,2,4,2,39,48,0,2,6,8,3,14,17,5,0,5,46,12,100,32,91,38,23,96,0,2,6,6,79,38,0,8,47,405,139,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060185861086285326,0.0,0.1326533703340632,0.0,0.05001166448583543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960740094409697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621656324771832,0.05018465222161298,0.07327815236509799,0.0,0.1534332182140291,0.0,0.18922753666855735,0.05315744558742171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051774607021448496,0.06301830578178184,0.0,0.0,0.09597692387074283,0.0,0.13204369271875854,0.038762357023930716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061507655255427174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020950255036853,0.0,0.053234646571352524,0.06210389823907655,0.0,0.0,0.10873571738200076,0.1012810759274132,0.0,0.054017947093278736,0.0,0.056661066502029726,0.0,0.0303905837830693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054934320439544895,0.05112476050962353,0.0,0.06590135756527234,0.2321824998317681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366348319688286,0.10082541563833224,0.1442129057337138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398223713719024,0.16152517397834878,0.0,0.061684440733774985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057340673964876,0.0,0.1205792006778438,0.0,0.0,0.06935239232900554,0.06434298892855674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697929123336526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146080746162415,0.04245350573021689,0.14681983643422344,0.0,0.05307327450214561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712327775436018,0.0,0.04012014475174066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060688296598148124,0.0703935311233536,0.09594949585710456,0.19164435287167436,0.13255091947848896,0.04456664105957767,0.0,0.11609838216126173,0.0,0.1692116856312074,0.0,0.0,0.06842924247581969,0.0,0.0,0.040728287851608216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673880840815381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496166403223224,0.1883888741880881,0.0,0.0,0.06775866500436076,0.05756338794426288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042150944288476,0.0,0.06392841350927635,0.0,0.0,0.07700881819130567,0.0,0.0,0.06452961773430263,0.0,0.05132881772350294,0.05717303539133064,0.0,0.0,0.12165769605189085,0.2394770717640309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029558647250277,0.0,0.05092625169218567,0.04627129321399105,0.0,0.0,0.08508438833552724,0.0,0.09599888150495277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880514277081523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492888762677644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957165069915434,0.03993068372540092,0.0,0.0,0.047716169209137516,0.14018940461576454,0.0,0.056971930644141536,0.11486463416350247,0.0667781850032204,0.16322773249399547,0.0,0.1174265043341936,0.0,0.07229817658227805,0.0,0.0,0.04959241355842405,0.10635337334467948,0.04770806442804078,0.09642422692681442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710440115076381,0.0,0.05793848382063484,0.06518064335052931,0.13127012778188388,0.12207784419045818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03870525434948345
suicidewatch,PriorAppearance,2019/01/01,"Tried to and failed Yesterday evening I tried to end my life but I was so paralyzed with fear that I couldn't do it.

I am very angry because I'm well on my way to going back to the war zone that's caused me to go on this path. I'm going to have to keep trying.",1.9269999999999998,2.0222090333333327,3.830000000000002,94.32000000000002,75.33333333333334,7.333333333333332,21.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,0.2541666666666673,202,4,53,2,4,69,43,60,0.256,0.7040000000000001,0.04,-0.9471,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,11,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,7,1,10,9,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874564760818048,0.0,0.15755946379300848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655174467044705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289255964643454,0.0,0.0,0.17071542713237536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908479338228928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406793191208416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297378989327019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256332571431752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264476486749946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326285765327424,0.0,0.20515956822799608,0.0,0.0,0.23239343352803665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ConcreteAngel15,2019/01/01,k i l l m e I'm ending what's left of my life by the end of this month. I detest who I am. ,-7.0550000000000015,-6.7910380384615365,-0.8543076923076907,110.44930769230773,121.69230769230772,2.08,5.2,3.1291,-3.0240215384615383,65,0,24,0,5,28,21,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7584824937961039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652198746886276,0.0,0.3024368805894374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34176996365811785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JwilliamGH,2019/01/01,I have 6 days left I hope it works this time,-5.038484848484849,-5.695977272727271,-2.3599999999999994,118.51333333333336,139.9090909090909,1.4666666666666668,3.6666666666666665,3.1291,-3.5319333333333334,34,0,11,0,3,11,10,11,0.0,0.7070000000000001,0.293,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470649252013601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345085271151834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5847060903217226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138020296144239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917826518449809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAskDumbQuestions999,2019/01/01,"How to support suicidal sibling? Hi community,

​

First off, I really commend all of you for being strong.  Whether you all realize it or not, I'm sure this community is full of strong folks who lean on and support each other.

​

So, anyway my younger sibling, who is in college, was admitted to an inpatient facility because they chatted to the Suicide  Hotline I believe.

​

My question is simple - how do I support them during this time?

​

Thanks.",6.402908777969017,9.048732457831331,6.663201376936318,68.40963855421688,67.79518072289156,8.598278829604133,43.18244406196214,9.23628265651192,4.947393803786575,386,26,53,8,7,124,61,83,0.108,0.67,0.222,0.8622,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,2,3,4,7,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,3,13,12,6,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,9,7,9,10,4,6,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,2,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606660594230904,0.5166219662707033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479415375158848,0.0,0.0,0.11975382975143115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041127501329996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907051544135736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809289051469264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325307310486905,0.3618541209055903,0.10017823642443156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785869372854286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197927720502883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166219662707033,0.0
suicidewatch,JJ32Moose18,2019/01/01,It's 2019 I still want to kill myself. It being a new year doesn't change anything.,0.33999999999999986,2.4711741111111145,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,85.66666666666667,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.374644444444444,66,1,15,0,2,21,17,18,0.261,0.667,0.07200000000000001,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556634071048942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572098204539204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478164770744476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174210224021754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34515512207226423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25492249481876217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27832234251905863
suicidewatch,Narsuaq,2019/01/01,"One death please Sorry, we can't do that.    
Why not?    
Because you're too scared.    
Oh. So I can't die?    
You can die. Just not right now.    
Oh.. so what am I supposed to do?    
How should I know? Live your life I guess...    
Live my life? How can I possibly do that?    
What do you mean?    
I mean, I can't seem to live my life. I'm constantly anxious and depressed.    
Oh.    
Oh indeed.    
So what do you want me to do about it?    
Give me death.    
I can't. As I said, you're too scared.    
So... do I just suffer?    
No, you could keep trying.    
I feel that's all I seem to be doing. It's exhausting.    
So what's worse? Trying and feeling exhausted, or being depressed and wishing you were dead?    
I don't know. It feels liberating to give up and wish for death...    
But that's not what you want is it?    
No.    
You'd prefer to try than give up really, right?    
Yeah.. but it's still exhausting.    
Then don't try too hard. Try a little bit at a time. You'll feel less exhausted, and less depressed surely?    
I suppose. Wouldn't that take longer?    
Longer than what?    
Longer than I'd like?    
Maybe, but I'm sure you'd also like to get where you want to be later than not at all.    
I suppose. Still makes me feel like a failure.    
Why?    
It feels like a race that I'm losing.    
Who are you racing against?    
Other people I guess.    
Who cares about other people?    
I do!    
Do you?    
Yes!    
Do you really?    
Yes... I think.    
Why does it matter to your life how fast they do something?    
I mean, it doesn't really...    
They're just doing their thing, and you should be doing yours. There is no race.    
Sure feels like it...    
That's probably because you see your old school friends on Facebook celebrating achievements and having fun.   
I do do that.    
No one puts on the mundane parts of their life. Only the best bits. You only see a glorified slice of their life.    
Really?    
Really. They're probably no different to you to be honest. We're all pretty much in the same boat.    
Oh. That helps to know actually.    
Just do you at your own pace and you'll be fine. You'll feel shitty sometimes, that's just part of the process.    
Is it?    
Yes. Do you always feel like you want to die every hour of every day? Or does it come and go like a wave?     
Comes and goes.    
These feelings aren't a true reflection of you. You're not a failure. You're just feeling down.    
Why though? Why can't i feel good?    
What, all the time?    
No, not ALL the time.    
What then, most of the time? Even that's a stretch.    
It is?    
Yup. Emotions are messy and fleeting. They don't sum up your life. They don't define you.    
So what do I do when I'm feeling like this?    
Just accept it. It feels bad, sure, but know that it'll pass. The time to achieve small goals is when I mood climbs again.    
Really?    
Yes. It's much harder in a bad state of mind. Take advantage of the good moods. Use them to improve yourself. You'll find you can do a lot if you put your mind to it.   
I guess I can try to do that.    
Even saying you're going to try is a small achievement and a great start. Keep climbing to the life you want, and don't give up when you feel down. It is temporary.    
What about setbacks?    
Setbacks?    
Yeah, like something big? Like losing your job, or someone close has died. That seems more that a simple mood swing.    
It's devastating yes, but those feelings pass too. If you can process what happened and learn to accept it, you'll find yourself climbing once more. It just takes longer than average. So, do you still want that death?    
Not as much.    
An improvement! Thats another small achievement. Keep noticing those and you'll be fine.    
Thanks.",-0.9618408874370488,1.0120530843881888,0.6203306338187922,100.82777919559004,103.9507735583685,3.75627693843292,14.594630461412821,5.744997767312832,-0.8649465632230844,2657,63,610,26,124,842,245,711,0.136,0.6609999999999999,0.203,0.9942,2,0,2,0,0,1,158.0,1,41,7,12,39,46,0,2,25,8,73,12,0,5,10,117,139,44,9,15,25,0,17,10,1,10,12,2,0,0,58,19,0,3,34,0,0,11,26,14,0,2,2,21,79,29,53,117,21,57,0,6,2,0,59,23,0,13,32,376,137,8,0.0,0.0,0.04651062981542047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811478686851357,0.0396580846749908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997711063818545,0.0,0.053843791011496514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959051983776204,0.058107867458500724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050017675870842826,0.0,0.1040677614517676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048593951464730833,0.0,0.0,0.08211211405901192,0.0,0.05150501774041623,0.0,0.03805373219270769,0.0,0.0,0.030737645964426043,0.0,0.12315202542543532,0.0,0.19785994293827366,0.049795995935397575,0.0,0.0,0.08341758636644818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053612635346665806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295978149533148,0.0,0.08031353338062025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855843975223713,0.17024649028531436,0.0,0.0,0.08712327229866867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036823062511695474,0.0,0.02490110292047605,0.18288454740468232,0.054174119092833324,0.07995220538817717,0.0,0.052546837644371305,0.15751314419424292,0.0,0.04214679927351389,0.0,0.04269523315299276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03194641709973959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469368568014992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729656351967413,0.12709086836174147,0.0,0.0,0.10477378786333326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693171270835816,0.23284941883611324,0.047769221976469683,0.12625761024897994,0.0,0.0,0.10664178163129123,0.0,0.040519999296493664,0.0,0.0,0.03181433999638335,0.0,0.04788226045311728,0.1557516395759794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624881035311172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510979073521212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054262794894981814,0.050012598837430484,0.050757812206057316,0.06459316660991936,0.0724972515389462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322525588811618,0.0,0.06608479693207576,0.0,0.0,0.05231788074012113,0.0,0.0537310425844425,0.0,0.04848875612980734,0.10277405359656272,0.0,0.0,0.09582569835704403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319859560463625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140511300608208,0.04533688494446757,0.0379022408741672,0.0954347081993665,0.04823585918397757,0.0759598952554489,0.13016738583171036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040383331019918464,0.07338411481271577,0.04713832166580359,0.05335301071858329,0.03373496874999852,0.0,0.11418731441660278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968113934151067,0.0,0.10750627445924292,0.0,0.0,0.04388019347116467,0.0,0.0,0.03166410181690183,0.030539486621627737,0.04682706201966131,0.0,0.13895866434227475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265126302120435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116412792095768,0.0,0.0,0.16867149409789334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150349025320059,0.0,0.10961646537043808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857101613677614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theguyfromuncle420,2019/01/01,"Ending it today. I won’t be a burden on anyone anymore. A guy has literally been cyber stalking me for months. I’m tired of the drama it’s caused and the people it’s hurt. I’m tired of letting people down and losing people’s trust and respect. I won’t be the cause of anyone’s suffering anymore. I love you, mom thank you for doing everything you could to show me so much in life and be a shining light. To my siblings, to my cousins and extended family, thank you. I love you. My love.. Goodbye and Godspeed. Please be kind to each other.",0.8700419580419556,3.259764018181816,3.0500000000000007,88.26653846153849,86.0909090909091,5.202797202797203,21.188811188811187,6.67199483983844,0.6026783216783222,422,14,83,5,13,143,64,110,0.14300000000000002,0.652,0.205,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,0,1,1,12,0,0,6,0,11,6,0,2,0,10,18,7,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,14,8,12,9,2,6,0,3,1,3,11,3,0,0,3,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29827246601510043,0.2102979356441852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30896270794945657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006593690571335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331917602410754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515155864366776,0.0,0.14176457759378025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488995245346893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609845562340654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659729427795374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377340996674824,0.10621761429435383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823639479058955,0.0,0.0,0.4071705936210615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761228621540218,0.12003162480211466,0.0,0.11054636672409517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127630038504081,0.0,0.0,0.16507172900080935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768988079297497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34567863775494945,0.14254235193719034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emilyyy-H,2019/01/01,"i’ll be dead before january is gone. i’ve had many failed suicide attempts, i always try to reach out for help whether that be to my schools counsellor, my mother or even online anonymously. as expected, nothing worked. i’m a severe self-harmer and i have absolutely no use on this earth.
my birthday is in a few days and i honestly don’t know if i want to be alive on the day.",2.2371428571428567,4.188868558441564,3.8714285714285737,86.89857142857143,77.70129870129871,7.5168831168831165,26.584415584415584,8.418075326091056,1.860303896103896,297,12,62,6,7,99,61,77,0.175,0.6709999999999999,0.154,-0.6917,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,13,6,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,9,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,37,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317932707987078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23704328356620696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35931031733562496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399342531508966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867201749790537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309525902373658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28242712792301405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672962526130937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28192858181804376,0.0,0.0,0.2906101603154539,0.31470577898653235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047113062136751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913132760536086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405957808747204,0.0,0.0,0.16430831034775514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280290334631187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mylastyear1997,2019/01/01,"I’m gonna die this year I’m more than likely going to kill myself this year. I can’t stand this anymore, any of it. Just needed to pretend anyone cared. ",-0.17772727272727096,1.9941353939393949,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,89.0,3.3000000000000003,14.31060606060606,3.1291,-1.28590303030303,120,2,26,0,4,40,26,33,0.272,0.652,0.076,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397433261259453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496308370753148,0.24650831589250602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35944407820273294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658870222475695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003599801294366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390039844695984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722361367840915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26140834481122155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45405604884918294
suicidewatch,12elephants,2019/01/01,Attempting suicide to get into hospital For some reason I want to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I'm have this desire to make a failed suicide attempt to get there. Am I going crazy? Is this some insane attention seeking?,4.566428571428574,7.280703500000005,6.205000000000003,69.27750000000003,73.52380952380952,9.914285714285716,34.3095238095238,10.125756701596842,4.630838095238095,185,10,27,6,4,63,30,42,0.338,0.551,0.111,-0.9317,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,11,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,10,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682540226023902,0.0,0.20029069937773888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524577842041025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623506017179261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7709893819976831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078688254568186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigballsboss,2019/01/01,"I am ending my life on my birthday which is this month on the 20th. On the 20th I am going to buy some beer and whiskey get drunk as hell and then end my life. I literally can't take living in this world anymore especially being single and alone and lonely. I have put myself out there for many years and all I get is rejected based on how I look. I can't do it anymore. I am going to end my life on my birthday. I have a weird twisted and creepy personality and morbid sense of humor that I want my death certificate to say born 1/20/1981 and died 1/20/2019. it will be my last good bye to the world and a fuck you on the day I was born.

I have no friends, no family, no one, I am alone in this world and women won't even go out with me. I literally can't take it anymore, we humans aren't built to spend our life time single and alone and suffering from loneliness.

People say put yourself out there, have confidence, volunteer etc. none of that matters when no one finds you attractive physically. All the confidence in the world does nothing if people find you physically ugly. volunteering does nothing if no one finds you physically attractive, putting myself out there does nothing but sets me up for rejections left and right when no one finds you attractive.

Everyone in this world has become so fixated on looks and it is disgusting and sickening. I am done with this life. I am done trying to survive daily and deal with shit and done with pushing forward. come the 20th I will no longer be here.",4.322104776579351,5.771203061016951,5.079545454545457,82.52782357473038,70.9322033898305,8.617873651771957,27.646379044684128,9.095868883498916,2.160728813559322,1193,42,237,24,22,386,144,295,0.191,0.7490000000000001,0.06,-0.9877,0,6,2,0,0,3,29.0,2,5,0,1,10,16,4,1,9,0,29,10,1,1,2,40,41,26,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,3,12,27,3,0,4,3,2,9,13,10,0,4,4,4,35,6,32,31,7,46,1,4,2,1,15,24,3,3,15,165,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784240572955779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666044920551743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896622798388294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771903185828387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779046640488125,0.0923830634925956,0.0,0.0,0.09300011457025333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235252622861836,0.2751037107331197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23810123716353185,0.0,0.09993785102863316,0.05918597575064102,0.0,0.0,0.08562535009979799,0.0,0.0,0.08447549920993534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276044331232539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923178045156182,0.08284218345889513,0.09363412887478303,0.0,0.15278077636809426,0.07515987471566768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304338920868603,0.0,0.0,0.09736056632591852,0.0,0.3164678421331385,0.0,0.0,0.07912649081736005,0.0,0.15049817699530202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908495785430862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152514117590936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579470896577467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288582341508175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424735587743102,0.07824322338435606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702457342391889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652569513306569,0.0,0.14252153079278115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198246947772604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347498059250904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225179594191055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083870741667961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528537780913495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577053325161645
suicidewatch,I-Deserve-To-Die,2019/01/01,"Running Out Of Time I’ve spent my Christmas in an intensive care unit after a failed suicide attempt.

Unfortunately I’m still alive.
Come New Year, I’m in an institution.
Still the exact same.

I haven’t been home for a few weeks.
I still want to die.

I feel so blank.
So disconnected from everyone and everything.
I feel no emotions.

I’ve tried everything over the years to get better.
But I’ve come to realise that there is no getting better, at least not for me.
And I’m fine with that. 
Because I deserve to die.
Life isn’t for me.

Nothing helps.
Nothing brings me joy.

Each day I sink deeper into the endless abyss. 
And I just know that I’m once again, running out of time. 
",0.6137426900584835,3.1189197777777795,2.215126705653024,91.8364912280702,91.96296296296295,4.91617933723197,21.92007797270956,6.5966054737557815,0.5975925925925925,530,20,109,7,19,172,85,135,0.192,0.7070000000000001,0.102,-0.932,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,7,0,4,1,0,0,1,19,19,6,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,10,0,0,3,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,2,2,11,5,19,17,4,24,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,12,63,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740090435125467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826263002604604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290719400590722,0.0,0.0,0.27527405555720913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304541004544507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33165452837929266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797319156876189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526774200004245,0.28720139513722537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157996612607775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695776664185402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709771507341108,0.0,0.1602731893874451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781135960189375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128579178798668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431731083889133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30662801066632456,0.0,0.0,0.17016135776422786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828035058268558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477428272643794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863389611955204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848068794712287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424286694135503,0.0,0.1281665353303258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578721788736687
suicidewatch,bubble_girl0211,2019/01/01,"New Year’s Eve We went to the top of my mother-in-laws building, ten stories high. All I wanted to do was allow my body to fall, but instead my husband saw me by the edge and held me, told me I was going to be ok and walked me back inside. He saved my life last night ",0.5839999999999996,1.7250827333333376,2.66,97.365,80.0,4.800000000000002,18.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.7834333333333334,204,4,51,0,5,69,47,60,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.81,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,1,1,1,9,10,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,11,2,6,3,1,12,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,6,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595607985587772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749501660570495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184164509746604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566479182265916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27515432796717665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384267689895512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260150330049358,0.0,0.31677474597509003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225505541145188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910009583074176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129190845704993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173758934329348
suicidewatch,aimzee13,2019/01/01,Mental hospitals? Trying to figure out the best plan for me. I want to kill myself a lot of the time now and think that maybe going into a facility would help. Has anyone done this and was successful? I’m nervous id go and it would change nothing but give me a record. Any info is greatly appreciated ,1.5387142857142848,4.0707556333333335,3.8795238095238105,82.51500000000003,84.33333333333334,6.095238095238094,20.238095238095237,7.447530270364453,0.908809523809524,238,7,45,4,7,82,50,60,0.068,0.727,0.205,0.8338,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,12,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,6,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707750772114935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179203991781314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578363160386041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25990726012107074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25142599515539216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568806997837116,0.279262381714846,0.0,0.0,0.2708739021118984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468071241253232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271819392083994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887670533658306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468284546189705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475975591935745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574601571823986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574281209019728,0.0,0.0,0.14326371416446754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680726532670004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491422582697985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349062008453148,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h45rh564h,2019/01/01,unconscious body scratching at the rope on the neck 01/I read if you put the rope underneath and behind the jaw directly on the artery you will lose consciousness in 10 seconds. ,4.622727272727276,7.1669749090909125,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,72.63636363636364,9.248484848484848,29.181818181818183,9.725611199111238,3.0914727272727283,144,6,26,4,3,44,26,33,0.08,0.92,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,17,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238261383367071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275845136603562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740745483666104,0.0,0.0,0.4717139814887966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littlegreenrock,2019/01/01,"test I blame my mother (MJL) for everything.

and she is, unfortunately, my next of kin.

brother (R), his wife (R). my father (R)

87622D. it's old and invalid now but accurate.",0.28181818181818485,2.701146878787881,3.0749090909090917,84.77236363636366,95.36363636363636,6.276363636363637,24.78181818181818,7.554174236665415,1.7694290909090915,129,6,26,3,5,45,28,33,0.105,0.895,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,14,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154704218736764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6099777182214213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6018450194583006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poozu,2019/01/01,"Seeing ex with someone new has made me lose the will to live for the first time My ex broke up with me over a year ago and since then I have been depressed on varying levels but managed to keep my job and life together to most extent though I miss him all the time. I’ve been to therapy for a while now because of it. I’ve always been perceived as confident, funny and rational and I’m only a shadow of that now and I don’t even recognise myself. 

He started seeing someone new right after me and told me about it in a matter-of-fact way which I think was mostly to just get the final say in our relationship. I told him that I ask that I don’t need to see you two together. 

Since then I have not seen any signs of him dating anyone until yesterday on NYE he posted a picture of him and her together on the only social media channel we’re still connected on. 

It felt like the world dropped under my feet and I’ve just gone completely numb... I’ve never been suicidal but now for the first time I’m having thoughts that I just want everything to be over. I’ve lost all hope and feel like I can’t live in a world where you can love someone so much and try to do the right things for others and for you but only end up hurt, neglected and alone. I don’t know what to do anymore. 

TL;DR I saw my ex together with their new partner and went numb and have for then first time lost the will to live. ",5.3736301369863,4.647552904109592,6.115856164383563,83.72015410958905,67.9041095890411,9.217808219178082,28.523972602739725,8.472884824447931,1.7714,1096,30,238,14,16,361,151,292,0.096,0.8029999999999999,0.102,0.6946,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,3,1,6,12,14,0,0,15,0,20,5,1,1,3,42,48,25,1,3,7,3,2,2,1,2,3,1,0,1,11,17,0,2,6,1,0,2,6,10,0,4,16,8,31,4,39,29,6,51,0,8,5,1,23,18,0,3,30,159,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076066032143296,0.0,0.0,0.10604294458562766,0.0,0.0,0.08519490179195492,0.0,0.0,0.0696272559531423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154124486187238,0.07159197247563379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957188279250868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062414689237233714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735172339034786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818651394442087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068525379434884,0.0,0.0,0.06762621600735376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201960672431364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177037851903673,0.0731459077721369,0.0983084023354056,0.1121608961503968,0.0,0.2612731846980337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349343104204796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169424758805573,0.0,0.0,0.10960832196100548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160415252470917,0.09100703456783324,0.0,0.0,0.056269690282198866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231957361535925,0.10004307334875624,0.0,0.2712310691199881,0.0,0.0,0.11454582574339955,0.22353688862587268,0.0,0.0924090413032783,0.09688186893917064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526685813201013,0.07591930097314377,0.0789678297837793,0.2966605001489679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23361174432645276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805926743575284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992624424854648,0.0,0.1748773463154588,0.0,0.08142293596458068,0.0,0.0,0.2447696050925077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939259197913234,0.0,0.0,0.10437152944835312,0.26025870501332465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247065442429765,0.0,0.08176707740119668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199570081702767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170894413086992,0.0,0.06802194474920238,0.06560600656408025,0.10059555277732923,0.08128452414960383,0.2388127386141161,0.0,0.0,0.19567197627865454,0.0,0.0695146361479731,0.0,0.10001806185992486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603910127133729,0.08127071764992659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491457216886078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593442503939878
suicidewatch,bambi32q,2019/01/01,Suicidal girls Any one of you can give me a blow job or something before you do it?,0.07833333333333314,2.1445157222222235,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,86.22222222222223,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.4209111111111117,65,2,15,1,2,22,17,18,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.6705,1,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29428411786811176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682374733166083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415132214453322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294365473428038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932418804525163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331512751647553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733571008764208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canikms,2019/01/01,"If I’m drunk will suicide be easier? I’m 16, never drank before. If I drink a lot before, will I have a better chance of going through with suicide? I’m thinking of hanging myself because it seems the easiest. My plan is basically to get drunk as hell and have a rope ready.",2.253035714285716,4.131902517857147,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,77.39285714285714,6.622857142857143,25.485714285714288,7.554174236665415,1.4346042857142858,215,8,42,3,5,74,41,56,0.269,0.545,0.18600000000000005,-0.8299,0,0,1,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,1,8,14,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,6,10,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694053560515593,0.0,0.47294512980587,0.0,0.0,0.2457801051440722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722363557158889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519136188683698,0.0,0.15793706317402334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362607752877445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433373272584716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529898653152253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6079553324711344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806719919513508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TJGE2018,2019/01/01,"No one understands I called ""S"" hotline, they're very young (20's) people whoblack insight to help a middle age person. 
They dont know what it feels like to be old, get fired from work due to age, have a lot of advanced education, have middle age health conditions and not have mommy & daddy to rescue while having larger bills to pay and no health insurance.

And no, welfare is not an option.

Not everyone qualifies to cheap, crappy, Govt entitlement shoddy programs.",7.598255813953488,7.9811497558139575,7.445906976744188,72.3142093023256,63.069767441860456,10.135813953488373,32.31627906976744,9.888512548439397,3.1789795348837213,373,13,62,7,5,119,67,86,0.159,0.731,0.11,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,12,11,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,8,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,8,34,4,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637792734235749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485908946160103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285322993201291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326280544158969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309624158042327,0.17392158588192333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271932038916097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175544824925395,0.0,0.0,0.16318020758961232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133794412688834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893795909622452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069735042928078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25546108143859536,0.0,0.16496883364680945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877840867452715,0.21257219743822225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534412849066065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087273622380836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723537304707265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evilspells,2019/01/01,I wish I never made it to see 2019. What a great way to start of 2019 lol. ,-2.538333333333334,-1.122068166666665,0.3755555555555557,108.40000000000002,91.77777777777777,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.458533333333333,55,0,17,0,2,19,15,18,0.0,0.556,0.444,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580218797444707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930974960216737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204114092158958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310503121572776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940491662803311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297553603980265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777332164087971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suhffocation,2019/01/01,had 2 serious suicide attempts in 2018 hopefully i only have 1 successful attempt this year 😊,4.153529411764708,7.350605823529412,6.466176470588237,63.8427941176471,79.0,10.458823529411768,43.79411764705883,10.125756701596842,6.615023529411764,77,6,10,3,2,27,17,17,0.272,0.423,0.305,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573150792472633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267542196020935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6137701429193286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36134049061267853
suicidewatch,ThrowwawayMylife,2019/01/01,"Made it out of my 1st semester of college just barely scraping by with the gpa I need I completely isolated myself and have reached new levels of social anxiety and depression. Didn’t attend class because lectures do nothing for me, instead watched Khan Academy. I devoted all the time/energy I could to schoolwork and still barely made it through. 

Which means I’ll have to do this same this upcoming semester. I will probably end it, I can’t take anymore stress ",6.4327450980392165,8.051201235294121,6.732647058823531,72.02524509803925,66.05882352941177,10.84313725490196,38.87254901960785,10.864195022040775,4.893901960784314,375,21,60,11,6,121,64,85,0.129,0.8220000000000001,0.049,-0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,13,13,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,9,1,10,8,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,43,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322843286966095,0.0,0.2375346674758861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460062113060025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511270760288312,0.0,0.0,0.19123335639458916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629404626800185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121393295336224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532700491157625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26090221277325504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759744758091686,0.0,0.23132522274396106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298212445555689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582378401153828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441555308405844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912771068287468,0.0,0.2743637931433573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008558349552756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396632091050173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ending-the-cycle,2019/01/01,"I think I’m going to join the military because I don’t know what else to do with my life. I might as well die knowing I was somewhat useful I really don’t have a single other thing to live for at this point. I honestly don’t give two shits about this country, or any country for that matter. I’ll just join so I can use it as a means of dying with some dignity. Obviously I’m not going to just charge out and hope to be shot. I’ll fight back, but I’ll welcome death if it comes to me. I would have no will of returning home. I would fully intend to die fighting and put an end to my miserable life. My Mom failed to get an abortion when she had the chance, and I see this as the only respectful way of fixing her mistake. ",2.7233900293255147,3.456589761290324,4.522228739002936,87.73788856304985,73.96774193548387,7.700879765395896,24.41348973607038,8.00094639256281,1.1392580645161288,563,16,127,8,11,192,100,155,0.203,0.664,0.133,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,3,1,7,0,14,3,1,3,1,29,29,11,4,5,6,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,6,1,1,2,1,16,5,22,22,3,12,0,2,1,0,7,3,1,6,4,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985847293460936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124220771788389,0.0,0.09847842420940968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915966898647306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502985299072641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349529848095268,0.0,0.1430839599113203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440238762629279,0.15497197564104942,0.1836233926500655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620462483281713,0.1604540433673904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756558584086532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282128689952164,0.0,0.0,0.14265022443699418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759736011011882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137735619580305,0.0,0.18920357011800676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286486156401158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527154845332908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624007933126686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349206169833487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287331839051013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582714309362268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073255993488925,0.10351371166082186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780934335837138,0.0,0.0,0.27905195140782546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822962521069745,0.0,0.0,0.1452514408180588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295187409196455,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,latte_overdose,2019/01/01,"I will try to live this year I was having a breakdown last night. Thinking how I am alone in New Year's Eve. Thinking I'm not worth it. And all the thing I did wrong...

After go trough this subreddit for hours, I cried a lot. Like... I feel like I'm not alone. That so many of us actually want to try to ""live"" but on the same time are so tired of it.

My best wishes for all of you who read this message.
If you are going to the other side, I wish you find the peace you seek.
If you still want to try to live on, I wish you the best for this coming year.",0.21438897168405546,1.6290139262295114,1.9862742175856951,100.576087928465,81.86885245901641,5.092101341281669,16.00894187779434,5.565023196281405,-1.0138786885245898,417,6,110,2,11,137,71,122,0.083,0.6990000000000001,0.218,0.9659,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,6,0,2,4,5,0,0,7,0,7,1,0,1,2,21,20,7,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,4,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,2,1,16,4,16,17,6,18,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,3,13,72,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.12941428080266298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27470077589798586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27834503965799784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142371134115462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456726682072474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670547352456265,0.09474103957262152,0.0,0.0,0.1212088039922498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073768487633749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060024321772745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809990281412712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957915295312894,0.0,0.35130760196279565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274555059543714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445201157292647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280815520662356,0.0,0.1244513197624932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265208753960595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059074683977781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810431035139486,0.16995021193671928,0.0,0.0,0.07732957252362059,0.15242281293851287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701130833465533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952095965221338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644094111544585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575062545812468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499499594587895,0.0,0.2562014538659639
suicidewatch,kitimiti,2019/01/01,"Yesterday i did my best I really tried. I made sure to look my best, worn the best clothes... And went out with a friend. We were in many bars and met many people. But guess what. Not a single person was interested in me. Not even one. And seeing all those happy people while i am alone and completly broken... I made a decision. I am not ment for living, obviously. I can never be happy. I am done fighting every day just to be misserable. It is absolutely not worth it. I am going to die soon. Be happy if you can, i cant. Sorry. ",-0.298333333333332,1.975963611111112,2.732814814814816,88.2936666666667,93.44444444444444,5.842962962962964,15.533333333333335,7.3011,0.2693955555555556,402,9,85,8,15,142,73,108,0.1,0.632,0.267,0.9714,0,1,0,0,2,0,23.0,1,1,0,3,3,10,1,0,4,0,15,1,0,2,4,22,24,7,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,1,1,1,2,6,1,0,1,9,2,15,9,8,12,5,10,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,2,5,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349775791931186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666023171117429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539222259041166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558125589172796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381546995005024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166722014968453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788932751969977,0.0,0.12487079190296806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450436265421345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422945507463059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326672249575985,0.0,0.0,0.473307330864282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086949867547268,0.0,0.12445655539311863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804740989286117,0.0,0.3005172774881398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430637716567925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042890066703593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054961493612076,0.12940863816011866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494520099640133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810179273849745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590560565337156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968334610101987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062282628029554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738937633919165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mushdust,2019/01/01,I'm probably going to try again This last suicide attempt traumatized me pretty badly and I'm more scared than ever but I'm not a fucking quitter,2.8929885057471267,5.468860827586205,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,78.65517241379311,6.625287356321839,30.356321839080447,7.793537801064563,2.6167839080459765,120,6,19,2,3,41,25,29,0.284,0.648,0.068,-0.6855,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913184319566087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31560165591582245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225540948440168,0.0,0.0,0.1982889351511307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844015368358468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549585662226041,0.37617515503862775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34931157132215684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816419435453338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23688142179405544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrenchToastedFries86,2019/01/01,I have to end it My life is in shambles. Everything I touch or decide to do goes so wrong. I need to get the balls to end my life. I need to die. I need it so bad. I'm going to do this life stuff anymore. I can't deal with these ups and downs anymore. I desperately need to get out of this world. It's all my fault.,-2.2608333333333306,-0.4739743055555561,0.65688888888889,103.17700000000002,97.61111111111113,3.9911111111111115,14.144444444444444,5.6839178017228535,-1.1850488888888884,238,5,65,2,10,82,44,72,0.237,0.763,0.0,-0.9564,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,10,13,4,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,10,0,13,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753451791244842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580052726597425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509538594451406,0.0,0.0,0.1963984799705392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352162254430876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700743171697669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773739709192786,0.0,0.10754794007895474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40099178441906097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612683528064603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166314772071514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690132196907027,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HomerFong,2019/01/01,"It's such a calming feeling once you've made up your mind Once the path forward becomes crystal-clear in your mind, it is such a calm, peaceful feeling.

I feel less anxiety right now than I've felt in over 15 years.  I feel like I could lie down and sleep like a baby.  The path forward is so clear now after the news I got this morning.  Any and all doubts have been washed away from my mind, almost like a baptism.  A rebirth.  A cleansing of the soul.

I can go now because it all really and truly is exactly how I thought it was.  It was never ""just the depression talking"" or ""the lies of depression"".  It was all the truth.

People just ain't no good, and we live in a world of shit.  Never, ever, ever put your trust and faith in another human being because that person is just as messed up in the head as you are.  The angel that you thought you found who was sent to rescue you from the depths of hell will always, ALWAYS, turn out to be another demon waiting to drag you down into hell.  People are cruel, and the only way to survive in this world is to be just as cruel.  And if you don't have a heart made of iron with no soul, this world just wasn't made for you.

It's all one big joke.  I hope I laugh right before it all goes black.  Because life is the funniest, sickest, cruelest goddamned joke I have ever seen and heard.",3.1943357933579364,4.298315472324724,4.150588560885609,89.43894557195574,73.24354243542436,6.600811808118081,24.62011070110701,6.742157984588678,0.7670913653136524,1027,30,218,8,20,332,142,271,0.129,0.6829999999999999,0.188,0.9232,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,10,0,1,15,22,5,1,20,0,25,7,4,4,13,53,44,15,0,3,7,0,5,3,0,1,3,1,0,2,14,12,0,1,8,2,0,5,7,9,0,1,17,8,21,13,33,22,6,37,7,2,2,0,17,23,3,5,15,149,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110697417748012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458762772226972,0.0,0.0,0.07542898536691242,0.23261729275931564,0.08485302590181489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421241342154396,0.0,0.0,0.20284628268234464,0.1225017462051108,0.09438422701015564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856010330549466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910694074845999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009988018781207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433669518039973,0.0792408307848163,0.10650000405289843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161738048226715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630380426162887,0.09303391757768192,0.08871236483861003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383528922185067,0.0,0.0,0.13144000524464905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016797672424207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834564187974571,0.16256882622437432,0.0,0.09794384906523708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148638119294733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33599087777003794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109573530302838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362510499504037,0.07516184587145035,0.08435919048807326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537950709693802,0.09685052859507914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150461803385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105779826451633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944909742113594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385715471660482,0.0,0.0,0.1109994896226034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915280008670423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761152037002028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064843954340924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804264491624172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142844728534999
suicidewatch,Errands_Build,2019/01/01,"[NON PROFIT] Cancer Research and Suicide Prevention **Healthy Minds**

I have started a non profit organization aimed at gathering money for charity and to help stop suicides from happening.

If you are suicidal then please do join, we will help you out. Keep in mind that ANYONE can join!

[Click here to join our discord server](https://discord.gg/dTPWUny)",5.135263157894737,8.614010684210527,4.229491228070176,74.8916052631579,91.28070175438593,7.894035087719297,30.26140350877193,8.238735603445708,3.7420750877192974,287,14,39,8,10,85,49,57,0.23,0.515,0.255,-0.3802,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,8,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,7,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,3,24,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218725268879155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246883555956815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29177492979169817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193458988309706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395326993264382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389164007365901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405511841633385,0.0,0.0,0.18196671453812488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7142274796004662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eloijasper,2019/01/01,I just lost my friend group due to one of them spreading rumors and lying about me and I want to kill myself I think im going to do it tonight with insulin overdose,2.0321904761904754,3.670585742857142,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,77.28571428571428,4.666666666666667,23.095238095238088,3.1291,-0.058047619047619126,131,4,28,0,3,42,29,35,0.254,0.636,0.11,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,6,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230404498437093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376286844158766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516441110566584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462590658598605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564301624536817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833306652844348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679160510648229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466195169213499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sociooutcast,2019/01/01,I understand why people kill themselves now Humans are evil,4.620000000000001,7.680995000000002,4.059999999999999,74.86000000000001,99.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,2.5280000000000005,50,2,6,1,2,15,10,10,0.565,0.435,0.0,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828862823163149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652544716519576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54847396263742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754041071914719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tatianevfo,2019/01/01,"IM SO SAD NOW I think that i dont need be here,just i want sleep forever ",-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,91.22222222222223,5.822222222222222,14.555555555555555,7.1686216300943375,-0.6629777777777783,56,1,17,1,2,20,16,18,0.28300000000000003,0.6409999999999999,0.076,-0.6766,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321714919003087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904779737441783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33669020960872537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544020511921358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909523641355112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26782468316115665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Msceex,2019/01/01,"I failed at suicide last night. I had the plan to hang myself. I left the rope in the recycling bin and stool behind so no one could see it.  
I had a party last night for New Year's with people who don't give a shit about me (apart from like 1 or 2)  I got a taxi home at nearly 4am and walked to the tree in the park and put my stool down but never got the rope onto the tree. I think I was too tired to put it on  but I'm really regretting it. 
I'm going to try again next week (the only chance I can leave in the night without anyone noticing) but not leave it so late. And it didn't sleep for over 24hrs. FML",0.8525282017252813,1.8665707226277384,2.703769077637692,97.86078964830791,79.0,5.857730590577308,16.104180491041806,6.11248444174946,-0.7836218978102187,467,5,121,3,11,156,89,137,0.13,0.81,0.06,-0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,12,0,7,3,2,0,1,15,15,10,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,3,0,1,6,1,11,1,21,8,0,29,0,2,1,0,2,12,1,1,13,73,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829704457639927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366061589102158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485768574189132,0.0880229683970013,0.0,0.24774645158777456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535920112995644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524988847197165,0.17471355989245885,0.3279951951187961,0.16827966691646234,0.0,0.0,0.07566748616751477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945449030764042,0.14958593027369654,0.1647186865131002,0.4360385896362671,0.0,0.0,0.17633410049507614,0.0,0.0,0.10495200214375666,0.11779468476721965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073756267620396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113982307178305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922132844559214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342084322686155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898407240206008,0.0,0.0,0.15499378092379162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941568983694005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924208499448588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780139910902252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515466174914287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423693954438482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493006507001784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099738883015708
suicidewatch,DyingDylan,2019/01/01,"My New Year's Resolution Is to Kill Myself ASAP My life is miserable and I am a worthless waste of oxygen. Everyone around me wants me dead anyway.

My goal for the year is to kill myself. I am planning to die this week. I've needed to do this for a while. It's hard to overstate what a useless loser I am.

Thank you and sorry for cluttering up this sub",0.7620270270270275,2.9308262162162184,3.1661486486486474,88.83814189189192,84.13513513513513,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.5567351351351357,276,8,58,4,8,95,49,74,0.389,0.583,0.028,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,3,2,7,2,1,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,5,10,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,1,11,10,0,7,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22823335236889405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660828915850407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449829320406357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296669234922388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5672949484382922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108940815304705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901031849792296,0.0,0.2476142659067245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699742162964503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604108216610584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122009441307338,0.0,0.20565328923311413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33020178107798864
suicidewatch,chothehoe,2019/01/01,No one understands. I cry for help for the people who say they will always be. I don’t have money for therapy. I don’t want to die but I also do.  On one hand I think no one cares on the other I’m like Fuck everyone. I want to kill myself I also want to live without myself. ,-1.8263570127504527,0.07596960655737739,1.7549726775956316,94.552276867031,98.8360655737705,4.67832422586521,13.335154826958108,6.42735559955562,-0.5663457194899815,210,4,49,3,9,76,38,61,0.267,0.502,0.231,-0.6956,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,7,14,3,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,0,2,10,2,9,12,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324794136134506,0.17297088375779404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194515062999048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283438719648597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574421376357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863603309387864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217956686811927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393360280488216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22998585496006616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015585348829774,0.0,0.1835598012770834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225898907421749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441162101242873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531267594321875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377262455367321,0.0,0.0,0.13319962458458046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640799766162505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678349274550149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038666685209505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fuzake,2019/01/01,I'm trying to summarize everything but I can't. It's not going to matter in the end. The pain has gone from mental to physical. I can't sit here with myself.  I'm in agony. I'm hyperventilating and my chest hurts. This has to stop right now.,-0.78779411764706,1.3480900980392152,2.3982107843137257,89.22319852941177,99.0,5.6872549019607845,14.21813725490196,7.1686216300943375,0.03286078431372541,189,4,42,4,8,67,37,51,0.299,0.701,0.0,-0.9452,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,6,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,8,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324390652285253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373306106800978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331387894391327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018083047616126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782535652980057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993873008254205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205375687131785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138003217122602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548306333589742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-Toon3r,2019/01/01,"Life full of shit Fuck man it's 2019 and looking back at 2018 my life just been thorn by shitty experiences I have little to no friends who fucking obliterate me with insults but what can I do the company is nice, no one  who I open up to gave a fuck, My fucking parent's rarely give a fuck and notice my existence time to time, school is difficult, My life just getting shitty by the day. My dog that I loved dearly never show affection towards me bites me all the time when I try to pet him... Just fuck my life. My brother who I admire dearly fucking hates me to death, I just wanna end it, disappear without a trace, my family to forget my existence and just die. I know to some people these little things are a fucking joke but man I just wanna have a friend or someone that cares about my well being, planning to end it but gonna wait a bit longer to see if I end up in a fatal accident, hell or heaven just hope that it isn't as bad as my current life.(sorry if this is too long or not a place to rent. And for the shitty grammar I'm not good at anything lol.Rarely post any where thx for reading)...",3.5434210526315795,4.404436280701756,4.717500000000001,86.62125,72.15789473684211,7.62982456140351,26.092105263157894,7.8658589789855275,1.352468421052632,864,27,183,11,16,285,132,228,0.276,0.552,0.172,-0.9853,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,13,28,12,0,12,0,11,14,1,1,2,34,32,15,3,5,18,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,2,14,6,0,1,1,3,1,1,7,15,1,1,2,2,26,13,28,28,4,26,2,0,2,9,14,12,10,7,12,124,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409841324900835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756598928538784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247829094568171,0.07870117484137006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029049075952844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961019246577236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078836660922725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782452731198568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25045282025245635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220203814133066,0.08885769461513293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456464054681381,0.6971172004083814,0.04924571566267185,0.09042049712968334,0.0,0.0790588189150467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930598846889577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361908375841986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051801522431522966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328847196498035,0.0,0.18894179349348345,0.0,0.08341502682762637,0.0791526606924742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507118134008401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269728668130282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731292413007178,0.0,0.0,0.06387140213793523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046619314215902,0.0,0.0,0.0653463649729816,0.0,0.09847915029328633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027274392691684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428312659379516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095393742747256,0.07511111888221254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967540915323325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986417482268053,0.0,0.0,0.10551368764611356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262057386650198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488712716665874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399473616576071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474891949491778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908609812632695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakeUphat,2019/01/01,The urge to kill myself always crashes down on me. Existing feels wrong. The fact that I'm able to breath and think is disgusting. Why can't I be normal ? Why do I feel so out of place? Why can't I find myself anymore? It hurts to know that I'm alive. I want to live but it feels so wrong. ,-0.8953571428571436,1.1615560317460378,1.1542658730158737,100.81330357142859,91.85714285714286,4.419841269841268,14.224206349206348,5.985473137389443,-0.975284126984127,222,4,55,2,8,73,43,63,0.214,0.741,0.046,-0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,1,12,13,4,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,8,12,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,30,11,0,0.2033476296929414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920151774350414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016662075173144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30845601445615745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858560495864234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176878433220062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497402379738465,0.0,0.11175453927929792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955968252014573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923750230923906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124549926923719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302969502898227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993970054831235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504688212921166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446574220470592,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sxeman,2019/01/01,2019 is the year As people around me are making steps to better themselves in this new year I'm going to take a big leap and end my life. It's been a long time coming. I've been planning this out and thinking about it for a while but haven't been able muster up the courage to do it. But I have now picked out a date and have started making preparations. I wonder how it is like on the other side.,2.941803921568628,3.693194023529415,3.678529411764707,93.92171568627451,73.47058823529412,6.137254901960784,21.225490196078432,5.46131890053228,-0.13303921568627475,312,6,72,1,6,99,60,85,0.0,0.883,0.117,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,4,0,15,19,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,12,16,0,21,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,11,48,11,0,0.2692659952365905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397038234666843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814389111776085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319488124556949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384897493979742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303007033024968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019053557713236,0.13154976412182048,0.0,0.0,0.2382919324776596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594742854102876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600587761021185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866751373464172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905878573329304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245451785134128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253477726325087,0.0,0.0,0.1570111672022295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920074857157359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467969453998625
suicidewatch,numb765745,2019/01/01,"Therapy doesn't work, talking to people doesn't work I'm tired of this shit someone fucking please kill me ",8.807142857142857,7.429653523809527,7.771428571428572,76.74857142857145,61.38095238095239,10.304761904761904,40.04761904761904,8.841846274778883,3.536676190476192,88,4,16,1,1,27,18,21,0.311,0.508,0.181,-0.6787,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796247735826735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346336120351327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969171323635627,0.0,0.0,0.3320166378529498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31047681419510664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562783048712806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311056618610855,0.0,0.0,0.34589602144584275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476399616690977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440397433678784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Poormiserablebastard,2019/01/01,"I hate all of you rich fuckers All you fuckers are fucking selfish. You assholes are one of the reasons my life is so miserable. You show off your fancy cars lile - ""ohhh, I have moneyyyy"" while poor people have nothing to eat. Don't you feel guilty even a little bit? Fucking piece of of shit. No you don't stop there, oh no. You go on to bully and hurt people who have been given nothing. Hope all you fuckers die from cancer and satan rapes your asses in hell. ",0.8337681159420285,3.348098173913044,2.021739130434785,94.22289855072464,89.0,3.5014492753623188,20.71014492753623,4.7782277997778095,-0.2146550724637684,360,12,71,1,12,114,65,92,0.466,0.477,0.057,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,10,0,0,3,14,9,1,2,0,9,11,2,1,3,9,16,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,1,2,2,4,12,0,1,2,1,13,2,10,14,5,8,2,2,0,7,11,4,8,1,2,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369179683595974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252214088529597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220547068977764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333260668003686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972643066616088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012432319526528,0.0,0.0,0.12333139537255748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142517721603453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553921617581054,0.0,0.0,0.23231296127506634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328009775308254,0.0,0.21750034521553746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41645258331628304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705112889574073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008938716503547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231217198941219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227569445615942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142950536896985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orangejuice772,2019/01/01,Anyone awake. I put the knife to my chest. I pressed hard. Mom called. Dad threw glasses at her again last night. Happy new year. My boyfriends family hates me. I’ve got spiced rum at least. If it wasn’t for my dogs I would end it all. Heaven. Hell. Nothing.  Anything is better than this. ,-0.9761133603238824,0.24853689473684426,-0.21684210526315795,104.42672064777331,118.64912280701752,2.4556005398110665,13.15654520917679,4.713530739802397,-1.475751956815115,221,5,49,1,13,66,50,57,0.17600000000000002,0.715,0.109,-0.5116,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,8,3,5,2,2,10,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,6,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105618149321695,0.0,0.21308474816259668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290105183015665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644056877299429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293431121112955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441046604808974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709718662420404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27564539881406225,0.23195849864968726,0.2556486712240312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211069859188986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30326624745586395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250084916411175,0.0,0.2429967266790185,0.0,0.24845897067526804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603052317726912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183942848531036,0.0,0.0,0.16674823745982578
suicidewatch,Trophies98,2019/01/01,"I don't know what to do. Today is the first day of 2019 and I've never been more terrified of the future than now.
My girlfriend of half a decade dumped me because we were too codependent and last week she came over to tell me she loves me but we can't even be close non-romantically because our connection comes with too much pain and she doesn't believe that will ever change. 
A few weeks after she left me and a couple months before she told me we couldn't even reconnect anymore (last week), one of my best friends died. He was sick. Now he's dead.
I hate my university. Everyone back home is proud of me and tells me not to waste my opportunity because I'm so gifted to have been accepted into Cambridge but I've never felt happy there and now I can't rely on my ex for support.
On Christmas my mother called me a disappointment because since my ex left me I've lost the ability to look anyone in the eye or hold conversations. She said I treat her and the family like I don't care about any of them but they are the only reason I haven't slit my throat in my bed yet.
Just yesterday on new years eve she told me that my depression was 'annoying' and that I needed to grow up when I'm only a student and I already contribute to bills and food etc 

I've tried so hard in the past. I feel so empty now. I've lost the only person who made me feel happy about the future. I just want to die. I don't know what to do...",3.0181818181818163,4.101531205387204,4.494528619528623,86.88401515151517,73.64646464646464,7.6895622895622875,23.264309764309765,8.150884317080207,1.0587319865319866,1116,29,245,17,22,373,163,297,0.188,0.687,0.125,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,4,0,2,6,20,20,3,0,14,0,21,6,2,2,3,40,43,18,3,3,7,3,4,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,6,18,1,1,7,0,1,3,11,8,0,3,13,7,46,12,30,27,5,42,0,4,2,1,31,12,0,1,28,160,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603081485193162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150263247838938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042762092713053,0.07352026769191079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085049750012388,0.0,0.2563831950399533,0.0,0.08947118488782449,0.11846311631622256,0.11034384937115306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736544193547702,0.12025858704995898,0.10720297509663212,0.0,0.11123013236418793,0.09057364809063724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634163722176245,0.0,0.06781023142859809,0.0,0.0905617751238366,0.0,0.2182491225356281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726516895104992,0.13889539097540046,0.09511024001553872,0.0,0.10047115324771996,0.0,0.0,0.09912194013696747,0.0,0.10632957734267072,0.0,0.10095629169210292,0.0,0.0,0.08943681726446448,0.1271425104590633,0.0,0.08123525118734412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238589518647568,0.09418982977268647,0.10380953905280614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546963770020523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557057444942392,0.17141544045928664,0.0,0.0,0.22848206444038216,0.0,0.0,0.05136884261587675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829584572077062,0.0,0.2295577468044264,0.0,0.09489803421860137,0.09949133530752584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392623693536931,0.0,0.07729413461932233,0.077964150693403,0.16218958031163822,0.10155030250070493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124939856477416,0.239903963879478,0.11188236126145452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037339917883938,0.0,0.0918091065097294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081072173234751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001757011236614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697754983333544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931801235729338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838038262980212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996657607670298,0.20094230649543995,0.0,0.07138697931313727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062017615485924736,0.0,0.2530244409232225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771033694676687
suicidewatch,tiredpenguin12,2019/01/01,"I wanna die I literally want to take my own life, if not now, as soon as possible. I have lost all hope to make my life better. My friends and family are of no use too since they only make me feel worse every moment. No one seems to understand me and everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me with an effective suicide method? The one that doesn't involve a gun cause I don't have one",2.979674796747968,3.976156073170735,4.5619512195121965,86.69747967479677,73.6341463414634,8.393495934959349,23.422764227642283,8.841846274778883,1.3795788617886182,306,8,68,6,6,103,62,82,0.214,0.604,0.182,-0.6444,0,0,1,1,0,2,7.0,0,0,1,3,4,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,5,1,18,18,5,2,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,1,12,3,8,17,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522839853637314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104484023963473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867304962116694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007166203892164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294618053845944,0.0,0.17381367800015549,0.0,0.18231844966493746,0.0,0.09778785437339237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494188373850716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963062211747242,0.0,0.0,0.19208788033287755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27320549454526816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111167943652384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581893721046781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931545286928115,0.14708791582886285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802721899910527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606230199032474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599808480277563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115460538484256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541124905257888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201334168634716,0.0,0.1670338020898268,0.0,0.0,0.11407116821650153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970891139069053,0.0,0.21145038447304887,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BuzterT,2019/01/01,"Song/Poem I wrote - Wanting to hide (from Suicide) So I've only shared this one other time and have for many years wanted to share this elsewhere. This is how I felt when I was in a really bad place after attempting to take my life years ago. I'm glad I failed, I'm quite happy & love life now & where I am but so many people misunderstand why people commit suicide & so I'm sharing this in the hopes that it may help others in some way.  

​

**Wanting to hide from Suicide** 

When I’m thinkin of suicide,    
 I just want somewhere to hide,    
 even with friends or next of kin,    
 not knowing how or where to begin.    
 Inside there’s all this pain    
 each day driving me insane,    
 no escape from reality,    
 just suffering, gloom, & misery.   

All this rubbish inside my head,    
 I’d rather just be dead,    
 cos even on the best of days    
 things don’t go my way.   

Just looking at society-n where it’s at,    
 filled with lies, greed, & fat cats.    
 What ever happened to morality,    
 the worlds gone shit coz of humanity.   

Don’t get me wrong it’s not all bad,    
 some days I’m actually glad,    
 that life’s full of sorrow - for I know there’ll be another tomorrow,    
 of people striving to ease    
 what some think is a disease,    
 doing what they can, trying to understand.    
 Why some people get so depressed,     
 so suicidal that they’ll suppress    
 Their feelings, the emotion, & the truth.   

Ending a life without a blink,    
 not caring what others think;    
 Not to the mother of their birth,    
 nor to the rest of you fuckers on this Earth.   

Another death, another day,    
 With society going-on their merry way.  

​

​

​

At the time I was in a world of hurt. Life can be great, just need to start with your own outlook however hard that may be, least that's what I had to do in order to move forward & this helped with the pain, hence this poem. 

Please feel free to share.",3.008833333333332,5.055953716666668,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,75.72222222222223,6.3888888888888875,24.027777777777786,7.292943589461545,0.9882777777777774,1438,46,285,17,32,456,190,360,0.257,0.59,0.153,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,0,6,86.0,0,2,5,4,23,29,3,0,14,0,20,12,3,4,6,53,51,14,7,7,14,2,4,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,26,7,1,1,8,0,2,6,9,14,0,1,6,5,21,16,46,38,13,47,1,6,1,2,19,18,2,9,21,173,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.054109248584318315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049151305600234715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6608567216267475,0.269501551634791,0.0,0.1744261847525645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259352625297601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818925411343255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565329304276085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303748910615444,0.0,0.04775728031672341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237153581333255,0.04911046930349736,0.0,0.0,0.07324576083499455,0.050155889581468466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607234867215048,0.0,0.053238774477242144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283898650670659,0.0,0.05793858192395465,0.0,0.031512375649003915,0.0,0.0,0.06113161468040201,0.0,0.0,0.049032482423358316,0.05902542601994092,0.04967051603491232,0.0,0.05690564375399953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433124991375692,0.0,0.0,0.055072374124255856,0.0,0.0,0.059358229765568114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060945540354068836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958228075389939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046562354250707684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050043983959970735,0.0,0.0,0.11243113621988182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058932447914210914,0.0,0.041113988702503865,0.0,0.0,0.05896957601339153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757299914895615,0.04217070184566829,0.11800116068735995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376264389592667,0.0,0.057931357482473876,0.06086525221452412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058975772198666364,0.0,0.0,0.035521408006472265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691657419625067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03924637910348576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032555568279757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04168999468275305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03683718675084161,0.07105767777409228,0.0,0.0,0.06466434827204258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764555163985837,0.0,0.0,0.05772332247007099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081866574660406,0.13203612221688374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000663894820129,0.0,0.0,0.053449892399504914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060623682567776935,0.269501551634791,0.07141338688391972
suicidewatch,MongooseCrusader,2019/01/01,"Another wasted year, with nothing to look forward too except oblivion. I'm almost done getting some things in order; my motivation took a nosedive the past two days so I wasn't able to clean my bathroom or bedroom.

Soon, I'll be gone from this shithole known as life.",4.7085294117647045,6.550940980392162,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,70.56862745098039,6.6686274509803924,32.357843137254896,7.1686216300943375,2.186407843137255,214,10,37,2,4,68,47,51,0.107,0.845,0.047,-0.4692,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,1,3,0,7,3,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,5,23,5,1,0.3026257447754051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030359691943049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173294798217817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951685697769172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309691206319633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810946122815342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375351324139835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541294073699108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903775639734724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888905162049035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010510977980421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33622833749069275,0.0,0.0,0.29562137940500705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488105766057626
suicidewatch,yusareba,2019/01/01,"This is the year I have no obligations. No children, no debt, no friends, so as far as i'm concerned i'm in the clear.

Some people would say suicide is selfish. who knows? maybe sometimes it is... But not for me.

I don't know when, not the day or hour, but I know. This is the year.
",-1.116500000000002,0.9317013500000008,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,93.83333333333334,3.6666666666666665,19.166666666666664,5.148860815047168,-0.6738333333333326,211,7,53,1,8,68,40,60,0.21,0.728,0.062,-0.7269,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,11,12,7,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930395435029596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312573703876145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947743435171151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935027605144578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007116976510524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075139235941795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23803486072278576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29603958957669346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274124266057992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263154061688289,0.0,0.0,0.3855103355132638
suicidewatch,alreadydeadinside17,2019/01/01,"where to turn? i feel so lost sorry for posting here so much tonight but things are getting really bad again. i feel like i need to go to somewhere like a psych ward but all they do is change my meds around, keep me for a short amount of time & never get to the root of my issues. i come out feeling better but im actually worse a week or so later. at this point im nearly finished with high school but there's a lot of things about me and my life that have me turning to suicide as my definitive end to 2019. a friend of mine killed himself yesterday morning around this time and it really made me think about some things after seeing how it made me feel when i barely knew him. i just hate thinking about the lasting affects it would have on family and friends but i don't think i can keep pushing.

im not strong enough. ",3.1449909502262443,4.453009888235297,3.8088235294117654,91.04662895927605,73.6470588235294,6.642533936651581,23.665158371040725,7.010146845296331,0.6362850678733034,651,18,142,6,13,206,111,170,0.175,0.718,0.107,-0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,16,10,2,0,7,0,8,1,0,5,2,37,30,15,2,2,8,0,4,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,4,5,21,6,24,25,6,27,0,1,1,0,5,10,0,3,15,95,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.11509599596551826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779190342800065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998972104139424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847802735089396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431158030835748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247687506718597,0.10159801733455384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446307285180444,0.1218673263366962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118678340296692,0.0,0.2385434278020023,0.0842589723544256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224595414439945,0.0,0.12324138600771414,0.0,0.06703009846661953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644494365099207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461394951287913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38219816741081103,0.12310253551609167,0.0,0.20966748361636464,0.13048718201602427,0.0,0.0,0.0961398224446314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330709317222522,0.11524262680291243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874943447004725,0.1002714797468901,0.0,0.2232022806257445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100881478633308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670215890006774,0.08745372744283814,0.0909654195196826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149487892484318,0.0,0.11295742107272976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111545399605986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193652779174304,0.0939858246658673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320282681783504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129011218075977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506957545616364,0.2267205997601747,0.0,0.0,0.13754779012009535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565776615769811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460728764897312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019466301585215,0.08378379019005064,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,llumines,2019/01/01,"Thinking I got home from the hospital 3 days ago, and I want to go back. I hate my life and I’m so tired of living here. The hospital wasn’t even fun either; I just felt.. safe? I don’t know. It was so boring there but just thinking about my life is even worse. I don’t even want to try anymore. It as if all I do is cope with life and I just don’t understand how anybody is contempt with living. I’ve wondered before if they’re faking it like me, and that maybe I’m just not as good at faking it as them. Either way I really don’t enjoy a single thing about my life and I know they have at least something. Sometimes I don’t even feel human and I’m pretty sure that feeling of complete emptiness is what’s gotten me this far. I’m not a bad kid, and I try in school. I get good grades but I can’t take it anymore. I also left home awhile back and while that did help a little bit I’m still feeling like shit and I hate it. I’m homeschooled now and I’ve tried so hard to keep myself afloat. I’ve done a lot to try and recover from depression too but maybe I just have a bad personality. I’m not negative, but because It’s so hard to feel happy I’m always let down. I hate my family and I hate myself. I wish they would’ve helped me sooner because I think it’s too late now. I was diagnosed with dysthymia with double depressive episode at the hospital so I don’t expect to get better. I did before but I’ve tried and tried and tried and nothing ever changes. My family might as well be strangers, I have no hobbies other than drawing (which I only do to pass time) and, like my hobby, my only skill is art. I hate art but I do it anyways. I don’t see myself getting better and I cannot see myself enjoying life no matter what happens. I didn’t attempt suicide to get into the hospital, but for awhile now I’ve been planning on running away to jump off a high area. It probably won’t happen but the thought makes me feel better. I hated childhood and I hate being a teenager. I’ll probably hate being an adult too. Nothing seems good and I’ve already lost hope. I’m going to either drop out of high school soon and kill myself in a few years or kill myself sometime soon. I truly hate life and it’s been nothing but cruel to me thus far. 
I’m sorry for writing this. I’m just feeling god awful. ",0.7500762527233142,2.8352885246913613,2.7914911643669846,92.02190631808284,83.50617283950619,5.210941660614863,20.434761558944565,6.42735559955562,0.20570447833454344,1797,53,387,17,51,604,210,486,0.239,0.608,0.154,-0.9958,0,0,1,0,0,5,45.0,0,0,3,7,35,39,14,0,14,1,35,9,1,3,3,84,91,45,3,7,24,0,9,3,0,2,8,0,2,4,21,27,0,2,16,2,0,5,18,22,1,0,14,11,55,17,40,71,10,41,0,3,2,0,10,18,1,8,19,247,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052930181903492336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658925523428789,0.04775084993400392,0.049684319540295986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184344966687458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056100432216310996,0.09182811730268604,0.09971235001400264,0.07279851960258561,0.0,0.10161929382162267,0.0,0.0,0.15842853100356505,0.06518892624526527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316630050616752,0.0,0.06260582753123356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850864297982862,0.0,0.10285796088265753,0.06060538881035789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110506477444951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775415921555672,0.054012000834132975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258039749419388,0.0,0.1811499966518976,0.04265753675836802,0.0573319056937925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247860923739396,0.0,0.06787025308662377,0.1502482136875345,0.04775632620891047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560444660236054,0.06356344959739346,0.1069786210910209,0.5305700856285901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004602382383744,0.1261758595770924,0.11978996496083907,0.0593064771048549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307386346808341,0.1321227071208649,0.0,0.0656311871628511,0.0,0.06735658739708071,0.0,0.06487615557022125,0.061058523616881626,0.25305379046961524,0.08751530759770626,0.05984608960116908,0.10545178036061108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518158933179377,0.05076414076268112,0.0,0.0,0.039857543481940635,0.0,0.11997541223490313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334391479462448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188289005532248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090825783463156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052137325450701856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060747534163798925,0.1287570733985356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825238341668319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086140118152434,0.09516384210302292,0.05435863451625619,0.0,0.0,0.061292463928298575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596843038963008,0.11811137403284527,0.06684155462128466,0.0,0.0,0.04768526655970396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531412173137863,0.0,0.05627689294358325,0.0,0.04489522658993639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039669322548486964,0.11478115680627478,0.0,0.047403849133977057,0.034817953205027875,0.06862898882120164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28377885597851776,0.0,0.0,0.06216123704352248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043816730584311,0.04739579740168711,0.0,0.0,0.05368734292098315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686646813250809,0.0,0.06475401179632763,0.0,0.0,0.06085059089246143,0.04241696771180426,0.0,0.0,0.038451914063624526
suicidewatch,Nao1998,2019/01/01,"I can’t take another year I’m done, I can’t go on anymore. I have to kill myself, I can’t take the pain any longer. No one cares, today is the day ",-2.9925714285714307,-1.3800308285714245,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,100.14285714285714,3.942857142857144,12.714285714285715,5.6839178017228535,-1.3068857142857144,111,2,31,1,5,40,25,35,0.282,0.635,0.083,-0.802,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,5,1,2,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198293103380483,0.3057604756105124,0.0,0.0,0.2891817046233818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29729829359718496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805323335458207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984006736148963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571890819703727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32260423051850795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975908279974456,0.0,0.3102752983923409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384829933813326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763958796795938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777620317924015
suicidewatch,basslover0,2019/01/01,Anyone else surprised they survived through 2018? I’m surprised. How the fuck did I do it? I think about suicide almost every day but I did it. ,0.3782142857142857,2.6451518214285765,1.3440000000000012,95.40100000000001,102.21428571428572,2.24,23.457142857142852,3.1291,-0.0751085714285713,113,5,21,0,5,35,22,28,0.17,0.6459999999999999,0.184,-0.3204,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832468381346441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676123381714749,0.3921500965042552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682791771924698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197201593436527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224648730738267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538258974969584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186423466820735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523666840834896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TSTUMPMAN,2019/01/01,"I just had the best time of my life, got engaged, now I'm back in reality and the fear is setting in. Just took a long vacation and got engaged to my girlfriend who's living for awhile in that place where I went.

It's on the other hemisphere.  So while I was there she kinda dropped it on me that she's gonna be staying there a lot longer than expected.

On top of that, I start a new job in a week in a different state, far away from any friends or family.

I thought she was going to be with me a couple months after I arrived.

But now I'm going to be all alone.

Now all my anxiety and insecurity is creeping in.

I'm terrified. I feel alone.  I need people to function and I don't know if I'm good at making friends.  I can't ask her to come back early. That would be selfish, and she's doing something important.

I don't think I can do this alone.",1.6392490842490837,2.986299884615388,3.729912087912087,89.93175457875458,77.62637362637362,6.831355311355313,24.770695970695968,7.554174236665415,1.0366054212454208,657,23,151,9,15,225,107,182,0.116,0.759,0.125,0.3612,2,3,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,0,2,9,0,16,1,0,1,2,24,36,10,0,4,5,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,8,1,22,6,23,22,4,38,0,0,0,0,10,15,0,4,14,103,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47165921144139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032296766371822,0.0,0.1161271145690521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191315627096548,0.0,0.14262174794950025,0.2334507254796696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930546183637026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307628555783912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679645793946498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585994149463238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310418334712158,0.1708179826133272,0.07675499142894912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345616775478669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254366404283936,0.12732321906648872,0.2428177627330665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506387644686048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342569088482989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722131867262688,0.0,0.0,0.13404279294522434,0.1343388363241732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905552065645287,0.0,0.0,0.10132814126010996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116586480689615,0.0,0.0,0.11255829032315684,0.0,0.14661005512942674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052394869646877,0.0,0.1585994149463238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686358970257285,0.0,0.0,0.10744531174601886,0.16179934090278825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726775456474401,0.0,0.12051279385787918,0.08851620477678232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865615527986097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217653593649266,0.0,0.0,0.1407207631411159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783485685901976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobnotsaget,2019/01/01,"Where is the love? They keep saying that love is where you find it but sometimes you wake up feeling alone and it's just not going away. 

We are all missing the love and the ones we love might not love us back the same way.",0.7070212765957429,2.8195720425531974,1.1313191489361714,103.69400000000002,83.8936170212766,3.76,15.782978723404256,3.1291,-1.397575319148936,174,3,42,0,5,52,33,47,0.078,0.562,0.36,0.9684,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,3,2,1,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,4,6,1,0,1,14,13,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,6,5,2,12,2,7,0,1,0,5,12,4,0,1,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878830899597279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043798181098002,0.13949089488495306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172490185508904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165802841655198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030978595359318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612430032897608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8186351429658992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924443105175135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292617452106352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144262240759126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941630236876338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821045619419152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399254580282855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ravi-the-g-23,2019/01/01,"How do y’all do it? I’ve only been deeply suicidal (practically thinking about it constantly throughout the day) for 3 months. Before that I had been happy, or at least not depressed, for my whole life.

How do people last years of this?????

I almost bought a rope yesterday, then had an okay night.  Tonight I saw a couple of my ex’s with their boyfriends, and it made me feel even worse, despite being at a party with a bunch of people I know.  People there love me, my parents love me, but I can’t love myself.....",3.2561633663366334,4.792889603960397,4.054542079207923,88.48003094059406,73.75247524752477,6.6341584158415845,23.51608910891089,7.1686216300943375,0.7923356435643569,394,11,81,4,8,126,73,101,0.064,0.763,0.172,0.9008,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,0,6,1,9,4,0,3,0,13,18,6,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,2,14,5,10,10,3,11,0,1,1,3,7,2,0,2,9,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186736802026486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868416034813362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152296900540007,0.0,0.0,0.20634101402824775,0.0,0.12026676131260243,0.0,0.16061840762676782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317093218778022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429192047667707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851570009724026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248673687764,0.15200936074609298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171917376920753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504927309196163,0.17645568263104336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884976046718162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500261395824232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418294956084961,0.0,0.0,0.20706842817003207,0.0,0.0,0.3878536034389271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039832432611192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949142599870854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082027414184744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190043141598833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200895906180076
suicidewatch,insecticiide,2019/01/01,i am selfish i have people who wish for me to exist but i still feel empty. why. ,-3.2183333333333337,-2.4495933888888857,0.5872222222222234,98.86750000000002,121.7777777777778,1.8,10.055555555555557,3.1291,-1.9453777777777768,61,1,14,0,4,22,16,18,0.235,0.6629999999999999,0.102,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26985972334368746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37000719182428105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262213550939164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815901031630896,0.0,0.6137399585430694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evncheezzy,2019/01/01,"New Years hurting Another New Years.
Drunk. Empty. Depressed.
Yes I spent time with friends. 
This is the most I drank all year. 
I’m hurting inside. 
I haven’t told them
Idk how long I’ll be around. ",-0.7856410256410236,0.4384699230769229,0.017948717948719658,102.65205128205127,119.0,2.7589743589743594,17.153846153846153,5.033348758259628,-0.7584153846153843,153,5,33,1,9,46,32,39,0.317,0.5539999999999999,0.129,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,2,3,2,8,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519999479651925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139387001637049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699011742724835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856731955563729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5145421543255713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267856956338188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642115066903299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013445649981374,0.0,0.0,0.22963922450017002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642810029888936
suicidewatch,Spoonnn,2019/01/01,"Friend tried to commit suicide a few nights ago and just told me, what the fuck do I do? So I'm 17 and so is the friend I'm talking about. I was with a few other friends during new years and get a text from my friend around 1. He tells me not to tell anyone what he's about to say, so I agree. He then tells me he doesn't want to live anymore, and then reveals he took about 6 oxys a few nights ago (he weighs 270).

After he revealed that I was just in shock. I kept telling him not to do anything, I love him, he's my brother. His mind was definitely on killing himself tonight. I kept repeating what I said and told him we'll go to a local wildlife refuge and talk about it tomorrow. He stopped texting me for a bit so I called another close friend of mine and his and was about to speed to his place, but my friend then answered me and told me he was good.

What the hell do I do now, because I told him I wouldn't tell anyone. I want to make sure my friend is safe.",3.420231873389767,3.3462496172248812,4.0044019138756015,94.98773647405228,71.96650717703348,7.196319470003681,26.124769966875228,6.297961479604792,0.5608127346337866,746,21,187,4,13,236,107,209,0.09,0.731,0.17800000000000002,0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,1,0,0,0,13,15,3,0,9,0,15,3,0,1,2,31,32,17,2,3,5,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,0,7,12,1,4,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,13,2,33,11,22,17,4,24,1,0,0,2,42,6,2,0,16,110,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037609868433632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668524579304564,0.0,0.0,0.10090061894035302,0.14228059432949844,0.0,0.08372490892353646,0.09057185525594684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062020913605830535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107579617788978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038898481235379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502387387593252,0.09405874058164314,0.053155939822562115,0.0,0.05782226240410857,0.08533627269176844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256233022931653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983995546928934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182603065256033,0.0,0.06791350358026445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273030852212127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982629542012018,0.0,0.19095574869013074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106298623470608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677983885078724,0.08090923689130185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506077820332908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112891175055889,0.0,0.09589053003584934,0.0,0.0,0.16355255927132534,0.4446344944517209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38887495505211706,0.1130389866328438,0.06907606679714469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002000900231412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551844331829447
suicidewatch,kuro0117,2019/01/01,"New Year resolution is to kill myself in 17 days I’ve been trough therapy, im fine but not feeling happy, I’m just neutral, I’ve been taking my meds, I’m
Not in the same spot as before, everything now seems pointless, treating myself to feel quite well, not completely happy and not miserable, yet incomplete, so I decide to finish all on my birthday on 17 days I have a few options on how to go, I’m not really convinced one part of me
Hopes to find something in this days, but I know I won’t find anything ",4.113956043956044,4.822555999999999,5.6350549450549465,81.12423076923079,70.73076923076924,8.635164835164835,29.280219780219774,8.841846274778883,2.266806593406593,400,15,80,7,7,136,71,104,0.142,0.753,0.106,-0.6098,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,22,15,6,1,1,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,2,2,9,7,13,12,4,15,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,4,8,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072466157279493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585524341426735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203925006918016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543681735700415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461194761393955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522189216176665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348089279582009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409376426066927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899533852948036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819187100718279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784368937452332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202638848435815,0.0,0.10065967068014564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034489131659184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689658558655855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411361680697015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834388878113374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948126728596217,0.0,0.0,0.11733666520155395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674152900668165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100513078399576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771314885528874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094588497492496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468238627800094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794871231147065
suicidewatch,usernametaken1bitch,2019/01/01,Anyone wanna move to Sri Lanka with me? 2017 is depression. 2018 is threatening to kill myself all the time. 2019 is following through. Happy New Year.,2.203333333333333,4.852741185185189,3.1234074074074094,82.28733333333334,100.11111111111113,6.6044444444444474,20.214814814814808,7.554174236665415,1.7982503703703705,120,4,19,3,5,38,24,27,0.306,0.597,0.096,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762825105861293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340322952837983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206208381718084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371503132909377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199582672866686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816168439871258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304021690655093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544493167881079
suicidewatch,NerfKoga,2019/01/01,"Looking for advice I'm a sucide survivor, about March last year I got in a fight with my biological father. It ended in me wrapping a cord around my neck and attempting to jump out the window only for him to quickly untie the cord and send me falling down 6 feet. I woke up in a hospital and had to stay there for about 6 days until they thought I was safe to go. I should mention this now, I'm completely addicted to computers. Throughout the rest of 2018 I've isolated myself in my room to game. I didn't always (or at all) agree with my family we had multiple fights almost daily about anything we didn't agree with and we usually end up with me not getting dinner or the wifi getter shut off. Around December my step dad broke his arm and my Mom invited him to stay until it held. When the doctors asked him if he wanted to have surgery he refused. Around the same time a little before he broke his arm me and my mom got it and fight while he was there and it ended up with him taking my computer away November 24 I think. Now I mentioned im addicted to computers and I relay on them as a distraction from the complete and udder reminder of how useless I am and that I should just die. So for about 2weeks of being computer-less I began having sucidal thoughts and made myself a shitty deal being if I didn't earn my computer back by the 24 of December I'd kill myself. 3days after the deadline I got my computer back and emitted the most evil laugh of all time. Then came New year's at the time of writing this. It was late my parents were drinking not drunkm and we got in a fight it ended with me having a bleeding month a dented metal pipe a few broken teeth and one eye swollen shut but the weird thing is I enjoyed it I enjoyed thinking I was free I didn't fell pain still don't even with the bruised arm swelling up (don't remember how that happened) the teeth missing and the bloody face. 

Now I'm guessing since this is Reddit and it's a reality everyone is gonna say I should grow up and lose the addiction get a life so and so but I'm looking for advice since the way I see it is no one online (real like friends or not) cared I was gone heck they seem more pissed off then before that I exist and I suppose if I'm lucky my family will grief over me for a year or two but after that no one will fight and it will be peaceful. 

I'm homeschooled since I got bullied and was an annoying fuck who didn't take enough pills to shut up. Everyone school acted like it was Christmas when I wasn't there. Only people who hanged out with is either someone who wanted money or needed a really cheap posi member. And someone else who liked me for a reason I still don't understand.

I'm asking for advice since I'm 13 and I'm guessing that you grow out of things by naturem. Also the fact that I'm guessing death isn't spectator mode and I'll probably go to hell or purgatory and according to the show's I've watched that's painful. If souls feel pain and all yeah.

-Magkl (it's an alias that my guildmates call me by if I trust them) ",2.9401757188498365,4.4443035990415325,4.24072332268371,86.95819041533552,74.5111821086262,7.244421725239617,25.299552715654954,7.908726449838941,1.3563471948881785,2407,80,498,35,50,793,290,626,0.142,0.762,0.097,-0.977,1,0,1,0,5,1,34.0,4,1,4,3,28,34,11,1,37,1,38,24,10,4,4,99,88,55,4,11,19,5,1,3,1,7,11,1,2,0,29,46,2,3,9,3,3,13,15,22,0,4,29,7,65,13,73,49,10,81,2,6,5,1,45,30,4,18,38,326,94,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350618845685337,0.0,0.2107051851769794,0.0,0.0,0.07197206493857837,0.0,0.0,0.057478119846030976,0.059805454289348935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591467006992521,0.1919509910542353,0.13438616320218374,0.0,0.06752858579061699,0.11053431590964373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223200415703785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339203866158242,0.08220543511069422,0.07328098083605887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071837518593278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046353193699415575,0.07409959294351695,0.0,0.0,0.07459452385348248,0.0,0.0,0.07356673477281467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040977959072023,0.0,0.0,0.060042035004003576,0.0,0.2546383732566533,0.0742657115197478,0.0,0.04747251872026164,0.0,0.0,0.1373585882124311,0.0,0.0,0.13551401887984146,0.0,0.03634197517620611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555301649054627,0.06644694212103369,0.07510306080939091,0.0,0.08169602313435327,0.0,0.2874235584325381,0.0,0.23753404185505106,0.0,0.06355850258658728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776369398250011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951863479677282,0.0,0.0,0.0585874207128054,0.08107771920667123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076718046627291,0.10534294877296316,0.07203726666994373,0.0,0.0,0.120713183049911,0.08040933203093979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800951773449201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835740826246404,0.05736964813671992,0.0,0.0,0.053294131321569634,0.0,0.06941697060871893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461123389374097,0.10932779781344512,0.2294390383504731,0.0,0.07980827666133586,0.0,0.0,0.04982882222542788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749301327676582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180907028066099,0.04604473179973165,0.07389909574599214,0.0,0.0,0.08141995062141663,0.0,0.0,0.0571575947915953,0.0,0.07274096808195167,0.05727477865803585,0.06543196851386357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23782176406051056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121798290419528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321759591514678,0.114798353118184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808156160644514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550062789684899,0.09210872820198117,0.0,0.11412086383600165,0.12573203345352166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702110748514046,0.07482403009586673,0.0,0.0,0.07915975636167165,0.0,0.084787044162264,0.05705073997672295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388547258056925
suicidewatch,ixtothesiren,2019/01/01,"I know I'm going to die soon I've been thinking about killing myself for a really long time. I have a plethora of health problems, and I won't be getting any better. My quality of life is going to go down hill from here. 

It didn't seem likely that I was going to see 2019. Here I am and I feel angry about it. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm done suffering. I'm so angry that I'm still alive, and I just *know* that my end is near whether it's by my own hand or not.

I'm done. I'm tired. I'm ready. I just want to die. Fuck 2019. Fuck this body. Fuck life. 😘",-2.2196899224806224,-0.4209188217054241,0.7429844961240342,102.50036821705429,97.68217054263563,3.7968992248062015,14.143410852713178,5.46131890053228,-1.186268217054264,428,9,113,3,18,148,74,129,0.29,0.63,0.08,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,4,0,2,0,13,9,2,0,0,16,36,6,3,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,5,3,13,2,14,28,1,11,0,1,1,3,0,2,3,2,6,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080610423296466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759134277255116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053881054698486,0.0,0.17650794808029896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32983719411811474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252305528833448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074291618702828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034728624566713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44071612394722737,0.0830214524048308,0.0,0.3612381398689721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689088863261019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580515315700454,0.0,0.17466037689472888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447900319296266,0.07763309522928279,0.0,0.0,0.1406261760323403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520508963228308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179879404133764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662693794660287,0.14466140264282976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269019652040939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018200897816683,0.0,0.0,0.09265894908168566,0.1826382482412267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874529073942486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nightreaper__,2019/01/01,"Just getting it out This place is getting loads of posts so feel free to skip this one for someone who actually deserves help. I hated this year. I hate the new year. I can't find the rope I had lying around and I'm upset at the fact I don't have a method to suicide. I don't care anymore. I don't have any interests in absolutely anything anymore. I just want to die and I don't know how.

Everyone is out there celebrating while I'm upset that this whole year I've been too cowardly to just fucking end it. Positivity can go fuck itself hard. I've been like this for too long and it's time for me to go. What's the point in living when the only reason I'm not dead yet is because I know that my family will be confused why I did it? After I die I'll just be called selfish for what I did and so fucking be it. I don't want to get better anymore ",0.1669565217391309,2.2017800434782617,2.6838695652173925,92.20678260869568,85.52173913043478,5.419130434782609,20.61304347826087,6.742157984588678,0.2835117391304349,664,21,152,8,20,229,102,184,0.228,0.648,0.124,-0.9686,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,13,14,5,3,6,0,21,3,0,2,1,22,40,9,4,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,7,9,0,1,5,2,16,6,18,31,1,22,0,0,0,3,3,8,3,1,12,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.12821585692869342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934843041662588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909051445484601,0.0,0.0,0.10812123179148184,0.11696328705303458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009298143303646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620211932332662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416196558667368,0.0,0.1339589498858192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727202602541644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637088059180882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554698384769553,0.0,0.0,0.12386103090351964,0.0,0.06643378371630028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200863658537486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643986129049278,0.2059346172319445,0.0,0.14934179843210366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769795264450213,0.2594371439245947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880666905715937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444149546875037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418960115118064,0.0,0.11601812142074228,0.116274355985317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268954697509051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903199377750468,0.09992658955522457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727262597415796,0.0,0.12420424641698627,0.0,0.1258335046132643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508887504919373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132473184951908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143717283475105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766134722192231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499224041923054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855734659855392,0.14669014930029942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538289341026552
suicidewatch,BThereAsap,2019/01/01,"Wanting to kill myself when drunk and alone I think about killing myself a lot. Sometimes because of my depression and just being so exhausted from being ""sad"", I no longer feel the want to be alive. But, other times, just because I think too deeply about life, and how it's just a quick blink in the universe, and how everyone dies anyway, what does it matter if another human (me) just randomly dies right now? I want to know what happens after death, since it is so unfathomable, and I want to be free from from my physical body. However, I know I'm not brave enough to actually kill myself, while sober anyway, but when I drink, and am alone, my suicidal tendencies become much stronger and I feel as though sometimes I could go through with it, does anyone else feel like this?",7.462602040816328,7.188380523809522,6.827950680272112,78.83743622448979,63.48979591836735,10.343197278911568,32.660714285714285,9.827888789773867,2.9177081632653064,615,21,116,11,8,190,93,147,0.194,0.7120000000000001,0.094,-0.9518,1,2,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,0,18,9,3,0,4,0,7,5,1,2,0,33,21,19,7,6,8,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,8,2,0,7,2,1,1,2,6,0,0,0,3,16,4,16,16,3,10,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,8,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.12881707374923546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734331164099387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841793096335078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230041763004876,0.13525391963734504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093709067192122,0.14578828639926975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466269266325038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053946258254376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369503849301656,0.0,0.2739990724985703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310355593462055,0.0,0.0,0.1293138779233956,0.0,0.0,0.11027258471638887,0.0,0.0,0.13639564289481884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613568605868286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200235894874909,0.09430383885002043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502103843977248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167308929562252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381293234768288,0.0,0.14509213067786686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323848214681588,0.06449059253274929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222526459886437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703828794004273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112730879879341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919525222210992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261111091487554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439118801622505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916594404394414,0.12969347277354648,0.0,0.07697272035967694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31143802869479786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swagmemite42,2019/01/01,"I don’t see why this year will be any different from last year. I just recently graduated from high school and decided to take a gap year to figure out what I want to do, and that was a fucking mistake. All of my friends are either still in high school or in college so I never see anyone any more, and I don’t see why they’d care if I wasn’t there anymore. Sorry if this post is garbage.",4.121084337349398,3.952669542168678,5.2430361445783165,87.0390120481928,70.44578313253012,8.567710843373495,28.648192771084343,8.238735603445708,1.6378693975903622,304,10,70,4,5,101,56,83,0.051,0.851,0.098,0.5584,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,2,15,17,7,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,3,8,2,9,12,3,13,0,0,3,1,2,5,1,3,7,46,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23281601440646235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976417929295762,0.11969276590830512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452902452267394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884626242111093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322529447881617,0.15825279436205594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36172132022647774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395342320701306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202427084703822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394275135137693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901921710388826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34648581548272744,0.4092239678656298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916215626716515,0.0,0.0,0.13670426049119774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287057658129638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096617117411293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30892595186031063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307021763183897
suicidewatch,ItsAndwew,2019/01/01,The only thing keeping me afloat is guilt This is nothing new. I couldn't possibly leave my lone mother in this world to deal with any final decision I have made. Most of the time I fantasize about the day she passes... Leaving me the freedom I've been awaiting...,4.1544117647058805,5.8591938039215705,4.653088235294117,84.41139705882355,71.74509803921569,7.452941176470588,28.43627450980393,8.07648339933343,1.9289568627450973,208,8,39,3,4,66,42,51,0.081,0.815,0.104,0.2842,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,5,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308866668847829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363395485965508,0.2775689084058874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29493319318200506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393079605134843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5701608420070456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547561578801545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600283212269854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25833772770306834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047649406159965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30352140282527657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886741333121206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699277999160227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,10293847564710,2019/01/01,"I think I’m gonna kill myself in the morning. I was planning on spending tonight alone in my room cutting myself, but my last friend, who’s associating with me less and less now, texted me to come over at midnight. I was so fucking happy for once, I thought maybe I’d be able to go and have some fucking fun. Nope. I told my mom that I got a ride from his parents so they wouldn’t get mad about curfew, then walked over there quickly. When I got there, there were 7 kids from school that I’ve never talked to, all of them being the more popular kids that my friend hangs out with now. They seemed alright at first, but they all clearly didn’t want me to be there. About an hour goes by, and my friend goes upstairs with 3 of them to go get weed. Maybe 5 minutes later, he texts me to say that I have to leave. Apparently his parents didn’t want too many people over, even though there were 7 other fucking kids and I’m the only one that he told to leave. I heard laughter from them upstairs (not really the type of behavior you’d expect if your parents just yelled at you for having too many people over). I texted him to say that if he wanted me to fuck off he could just say so, but he was too high to give me a coherent answer. So I walk home at 1:30 am, crying like a fucking retard, and have to face my mom. As fucking usual, I’m too much of a pussy to actually tell anyone how I feel, so I just keep on giving unclear answers when she asks what happened.

Now I’m in bed at 2:30 ranting like a god damn child on reddit, dreading tomorrow. As if I had any doubt before, I now truly have nothing left to live for. My friends all hate me now, my poor parents are wasting their energy caring about me, and I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore.

I think I’ll go into the woods with a rope and a chair tomorrow, and never come back out. I know I shouldn’t say it, but I really hope that he realizes what he’s done. It’s petty and stupid, but I’m such a piece of shit that I just cannot fucking care anymore. It’s fine though, I know damn well he’ll be alright. I only feel bad about letting my parents down. Their other two sons were so great, I feel like such an asshole for squandering the third one. Oh well, they’ll get over it.


I’m going to bed soon, I feel fucking exhausted and I can’t go out of my room to go get my blades. Who knows, maybe I’ll calm down by morning. I really hope I don’t though, I’d prefer not to keep on living this way. 


Thank you for reading if you read this, I hope you make it further into 2019 than I do.",3.3676683188764973,3.848049250929368,4.429039653035936,89.92624019000414,72.28996282527879,7.167368855844692,24.98161916563404,6.937597516519254,0.7719453118546058,1979,54,449,16,36,647,240,538,0.133,0.685,0.182,0.9849,7,1,0,0,0,2,62.0,0,6,9,2,43,43,16,2,17,2,34,11,2,2,6,75,95,34,1,15,16,8,4,3,4,5,1,6,5,4,21,21,0,2,15,2,2,12,13,20,2,5,16,10,70,23,70,67,9,64,0,0,0,8,57,30,11,11,24,288,91,4,0.06234080069222319,0.0,0.0608356287069973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456626851536025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239388222785735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365064562766152,0.04359013733981642,0.0,0.051301167189233804,0.0,0.058280233257728124,0.0,0.0,0.047936227664343085,0.052051964601021836,0.0,0.0,0.05304742977215096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271212022045798,0.0,0.0,0.10740215952922808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049774056635619575,0.0,0.06847844226192504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379628337184177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117551090711928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608552784585728,0.044536280470805205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302705322199225,0.0,0.0,0.19265739188707695,0.4610645255494489,0.1302819813601023,0.11960595315858033,0.21257828206623694,0.0,0.09971926650818984,0.06873095284553593,0.0,0.0,0.055127764168477006,0.0663629415593501,0.0,0.061548634227738735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586647867879968,0.06253290605249616,0.18575544432197466,0.06139313108382796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082273608403337,0.06897085940789341,0.0,0.10278262112298092,0.05081607307999201,0.0,0.1320198132640821,0.06773346235882152,0.06374769242626935,0.0,0.09136969878823707,0.0,0.11009613829529523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416129685463098,0.12640757425267315,0.187889140405392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460255846346468,0.0,0.0,0.04582766153324586,0.0,0.09616213736459736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981767960488054,0.0,0.0,0.06639091815358343,0.08448747988330688,0.09482597622100697,0.0,0.0,0.3461104081617513,0.0,0.0,0.08643852352229711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471534199649953,0.0,0.11981133975261613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830362754791409,0.0,0.06309221851703571,0.0,0.05675272359347075,0.0,0.0,0.06399193604918904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010717416884906,0.054488607587020836,0.057395033526678275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798909357447436,0.18374856047572727,0.049491632214614265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913861323548265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089790380367339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865958452050194,0.0,0.11031065832817256,0.04948322586406543,0.0,0.0,0.11210373330298597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luncia,2019/01/01,"I just don't want to anymore. Here I have a full prescription of Lexapro and alcohol. I'm just about tempted to take a mouthful of pills and see what comes next. Shit can't be worse then existing.

I'm sure this can't be worse then my traumatizing rape.

I'm sure this can't be worse then my constant need to lie in order to be seem as something other than a failure. 

I'm sure this can't be worse then my fucking body deformations.

I'm sure this can't be worse.

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suicidewatch,frenemy218712,2019/01/01,Isn't it more selfish for people to force me to live when i dont want to? Like all I want to do is go away but people won't let me,-1.6572727272727263,-0.6728264242424249,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,85.96969696969695,4.4,14.030303030303033,3.1291,-1.6154969696969697,100,1,30,0,3,36,23,33,0.127,0.809,0.064,0.028,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330625783610361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154690632392189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014694057960809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36249826433323096,0.0,0.1731898361743015,0.0,0.3130282644191037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915286115587726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41818425796529146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HappyButDepressed89,2019/01/01,Not suicidal But have had some recent ideations. My ex partner said they were “convenient.” I can’t help but find myself thinking one day people will find me and regret how they treated me. ,4.723619047619049,7.0305006000000025,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,71.57142857142857,6.9523809523809526,28.809523809523807,7.793537801064563,1.975666666666667,151,6,26,2,3,46,31,35,0.098,0.7929999999999999,0.11,-0.1419,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,7,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,7,1,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949096723222647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6221286863477774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281225438324459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306230059421581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359487127731552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360444198689406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32374101579782993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722764201338648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807595367304766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redneck_ancap,2019/01/01,3 hours into the new year I can already tell it’s gonna be the same fuckin horseshit it was last year and every year before that. I’m always gonna be alone sitting in my dark ass room while all the other guys are out having sex and living the damn life. Fuck you all,2.9546551724137937,3.5491863620689656,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,73.3103448275862,5.8000000000000025,19.67241379310345,3.1291,-0.4859448275862071,211,3,48,0,4,68,46,58,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.8934,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,0,6,5,1,0,2,7,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,5,3,12,0,0,0,4,3,4,4,0,7,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711131238809798,0.28886794582223124,0.0,0.21781228401196864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227456337509006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055117242885916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24200067370060924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25919187757446804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577891511418439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133761890359714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489476690048365,0.0,0.0,0.2311462987315809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25281755814986834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287971251633923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057108140549629
suicidewatch,Justwannadie0313,2019/01/01,"I don't know what to do It's inevitable.  I want to die,  have no reason to live and haven't for a while.  I have tried several times to no avail.  I just don't want my husband and his family to blame themselves.  They are all I have in this world but they don't make life livable.  I just don't want him to follow me.  I know he will do it if I do and I don't want that.  I never had a real shot at life and its not worth it.  I can't have kids,  I can't enjoy lifes ""pleasures"" and no meds work unless I turn to dope.  I'm done trying I give up.  Im not going to give my miserable life story to you guys I just want to make my husbands loss easier on him I just don't know how.  ",-1.3737571157495267,0.3007460000000037,1.5168500948766592,100.42703984819737,89.0,4.67931688804554,14.278937381404171,5.900188976854957,-1.050916508538899,510,8,136,4,17,178,81,155,0.16,0.768,0.07200000000000001,-0.9259,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,2,2,5,4,0,1,2,0,20,4,0,4,2,29,36,10,1,6,9,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,0,1,2,15,2,0,0,2,0,26,2,16,33,1,10,0,2,0,0,13,5,0,1,3,91,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631238897302568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608456347298872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817155959114808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015551131894975,0.08932675202367818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556289670322645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697770688352858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591394836807105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440722734318911,0.0,0.0,0.1387893017387931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098324223627198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458712099554133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122383314431573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890071643341354,0.0,0.16160312209127575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756415972197956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165059891401893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342439513819986,0.17096237119445534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635324326771565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442601161577892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSakuraDragon,2019/01/01,"Help me I don't even know what to say at this point.

What a lovely new years.

I just found out that my whole friend group. Two friends of mine, were made up by this third guy in his early twenties.

They aren't real. My friends. They're gone. Fake. Done. Him and I talked. We fought, laughed at how fucked we were.

I feel violated. I feel like I can't trust. I was going to put this on a different account but at this point I font even care.

Everything's falling to hell. 

My uncle, dead. My friends, never even real. Made up by a messed up fuck who forced me to dig up past wounds. I feel dirty, I feel gross. I feel scared that he'll do the same thing to others. Other naive teens. 

I just 

I can't do this anymore. I want to be strong. I want to be the man my family wants me to be. But I'm scared that I'm crumbling. I'm scared I don't make it much longer. I just thank the stars above that I'm not fully alone.

I want to die. But I want to live. But I know that I'm too dirty, too...used to be wanted by anything or anyone.

Maybe I need a hug. Idk. Maybe that's it. Idk. Maybe I needed to just get it out there. But I feel like shit. I can't get over the fact that they aren't even real. Just...

Help me",-2.0697564935064925,-0.2624752159090882,-0.04235930735930715,106.5618181818182,102.29545454545456,3.12034632034632,11.20995670995671,4.892091775363687,-1.864899783549784,909,13,240,4,42,293,131,264,0.251,0.586,0.163,-0.9867,1,1,0,0,0,1,49.0,2,0,2,1,12,25,6,3,8,0,17,6,1,4,2,44,53,8,2,8,12,0,6,2,4,1,1,1,0,2,21,5,0,0,9,0,1,4,9,12,0,2,9,7,40,13,28,39,3,23,1,0,0,4,21,14,4,1,7,140,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097308447764949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317754198772582,0.06569511758898355,0.0,0.07731648525618097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579279667988766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750985829345753,0.09816237557001632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614799570785004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482240429519205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844401777909289,0.0,0.08857186891966043,0.0,0.2850370777750412,0.1342421181056009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301617608432903,0.2903558186968014,0.17371870146880988,0.09817461709807188,0.0,0.05339646416013627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302965094056673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595133944220774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032697882725018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091802771181458,0.0,0.0829634774377712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479753560038175,0.1778038948253734,0.06271530737709784,0.0,0.2831695407701887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906731194225242,0.13933202933894887,0.07246344365156134,0.09074176786103692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896901285709731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763459826972758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445014618832677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208221101801836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471632876792103,0.28219430576812105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964428657502343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551700682684938,0.0,0.08650061015326599,0.0,0.0,0.06241914427558355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917798198275138,0.0,0.1130156033887326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325005201838625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489675873723364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050356843568694
suicidewatch,twampsss,2019/01/01,"RIP to everyone that lost their life on New Years Day. Many people I’ve come across—wether it be online or in real life have decided to end their life around the holiday season (mostly New Years) because of their pain. I just want everyone to know that you are NOT alone and many people can relate to you and don’t want to see you pass on. Don’t let the holidays determine if you get to see another day. So many redittors have kill themselves today, and they’re not responding to anything I type.

This mere fact makes me cry, and I don’t want anyone to die, wether I know them in real life or not.

I made this post because I want you all to know that you do NOT have to end your own life. Things WILL get better and you WILL NOT ever find happiness. You may not have a picture perfect life, living in your dream house sipping a martini on your front porch with a SO, but things WILL improve for you if you keep trying. 

Happy New Year, everyone.

I miss you, Nick.",4.959209621993131,5.221671742268047,5.373762886597941,85.32995704467356,68.69072164948454,8.940893470790376,26.47594501718213,8.841846274778883,1.682035738831615,754,20,159,12,12,241,106,194,0.086,0.8029999999999999,0.111,0.4514,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,14,4,3,5,8,1,0,5,0,16,7,0,2,4,40,33,12,2,6,12,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,5,4,0,3,9,4,0,0,2,2,26,4,20,25,3,24,0,2,2,0,19,7,0,6,13,98,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363818022808992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492790825286906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996846207267428,0.0,0.08234577796306031,0.08907994022925725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199858910604705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850023032561817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619798404121931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991778376029077,0.12906856176676193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385269213463913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725751983772434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051541065025752,0.0,0.28685200541718403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145849575645204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456069225573086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304419957792414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546270944595485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889432435832552,0.11070818435327426,0.0,0.16498094217299905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232424745479632,0.4240773792346983,0.0,0.0,0.08836009642054855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923384125913148,0.0,0.0,0.09468485275646332,0.0667948207817261,0.30435360282925994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899330502480318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647726125437704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874630647615388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583555107086683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22779399212645826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947926597764334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329587856491581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948508516235914,0.0,0.0,0.06793823405928097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360860379425446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331763708101066
suicidewatch,Reddices,2019/01/01,"Looking for some to talk to. No where else to go. All of my friends got home safe tonight, and I'm really happy about that. I'm collapsing in on myself, and I don't know what to do about that.",0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,2.2716666666666683,97.47750000000002,82.33333333333333,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.15655238095238078,148,4,37,2,4,49,32,42,0.093,0.696,0.211,0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,10,7,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286617677289337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039644169104465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359634694235492,0.0,0.3146633347623196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188154451374152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946441533290107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621981689642014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303836064744031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520424723594958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31622556145038405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jordanbelfort2001,2019/01/01,"Abused by gym teacher a long time ago Hi needadvice, Im a 17 year old student with really bad ADHD who's been studying under the Toronto district school board for my entire life. This is my last year in high school, and I have been procrastinating a shit ton within these last couple of months before college. One  memory that hit me hard the other day whilst procrastinating was a moment in my childhood I had with a gym teacher who physically abused me. One day my ADHD was acting up and I got on his nerves. This resulted in him taking  me to his gym office which was by the gym and hit me and yelled at me. This resulted in me crying really hard and yelling, which caused him to cover my mouth with his hands. Throughout all of this, nobody heard and he told me if I told anyone he would do something worse to me. Being the scared  child I didn't tell anyone. But besides being scared I didn't tell anyone because I didn't know how life worked at that time. I didn't know the right ways to handle the situation and what I should have said. I haven't really thought about this that much until the other day, and since then it has torn me up on the inside. I am avoiding my friends, not eating as much, treating my mom like shit, and doing horrible in my studies.  The guy who abused me is still teaching to this day. I searched his name up the other day and found posts of him still teaching. Every second that goes by knowing this guy still teaches tears me from the inside. I genuinely dont know what to do.",4.8001000000000005,5.608918143333334,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,69.23333333333333,7.6,25.666666666666664,7.554174236665415,1.1962666666666673,1193,32,238,12,20,380,154,300,0.153,0.8290000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9893,0,1,1,0,6,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,2,3,16,0,25,7,4,4,1,31,39,16,0,3,3,1,3,1,1,2,2,4,0,3,23,13,1,1,6,4,0,1,7,6,0,3,17,7,39,3,34,16,4,42,0,0,0,0,25,16,2,1,24,162,62,10,0.0,0.33535099085102843,0.0,0.0,0.22676925164699485,0.0,0.08363134907642678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979051238711328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877432167583097,0.05751197318981094,0.0,0.08028083721676546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691853417548993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439119646221773,0.10363379903041746,0.3042243241651365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057190049689657,0.0,0.0,0.09653871800034193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948992073859862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344466903538632,0.07289088643467502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545649465303615,0.0,0.0,0.18683321042991746,0.0,0.0,0.16902957976775165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968090962307637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190903220896352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073986722329608,0.15380790015473272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327764440374362,0.046092311141618096,0.0,0.0,0.08349255483367217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104959867036904,0.07530545811002168,0.0,0.13870919105328622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989994425641338,0.0,0.12786153162367403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035664566624492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131990003504256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057030625092088,0.08974391336243462,0.0,0.18891205681431186,0.19096480814117908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368803439549956,0.07804334466384523,0.10604798527620872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263156313008863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260326545294152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709358674348428,0.0,0.16492376933814484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748995698091174,0.11002691824961416,0.0,0.0,0.18030181021909175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488684781932642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868444710050302,0.0,0.09614584392914212,0.06702014060592845,0.0,0.0,0.12151046272899994
suicidewatch,TranscendentalHoot,2019/01/01,"I often try and think of things I’m looking forward to that gives me some kind of positive outlook At the moment it’s a few albums and games that come out soonish. 

If you’ve got anything you’re looking forward to in 2019 please share :) ",5.115624999999998,5.501904312499999,5.399999999999999,84.845,68.375,7.233333333333332,32.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.8443666666666667,189,8,37,1,3,60,40,48,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.8692,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,7,6,2,7,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,3,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26837564369237793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809304863501932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31285179682140685,0.0,0.0,0.2608344390971637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33961223692200376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477309439102045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579907264492246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166650225780658,0.20896972213705875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141957666806095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TiredBirdSleeps,2019/01/01,"I had a panic scare and suicidal thoughts again last night. Today my father told me my problems are pathetic. There's a big fear in my life. It stopped a few years ago but I get massive panic attacks about it. Since it happened, I've been seeing a doctor regularly and i'm in and out of hospitals from panic attacks all the time.

I've been suicidal for over 10 years. Since the issue happened, my thoughts have increased a lot. Last night I seriously thought about it and even went out to see if I could buy supplies for ending my life.

Today my father heard about it and he got mad. He told me my fears are what children have and I'm pathetic.

im so scared. I cant run away and i have no one. I've been depressed since I was 13 and I've never made a friend since then. my phone contacts are my parents and my doctor.

why cant I just end it? ",0.8373175837320588,3.0211476420454564,2.571495215311007,93.12494019138758,83.94318181818181,5.2961722488038285,22.331339712918663,6.5966054737557815,0.4628909090909095,659,23,144,7,19,217,97,176,0.336,0.6509999999999999,0.013,-0.9965,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,3,7,8,0,14,4,0,1,2,24,30,13,2,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,7,11,0,1,3,0,1,3,4,13,0,1,14,3,20,1,14,15,4,26,0,1,2,0,12,7,0,2,16,86,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196515687785928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360536126332117,0.09747340485426033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283326832201586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935684866866275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237821104534169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377749924184555,0.0,0.0,0.06852369233703802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348767793187306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015441434294178,0.0,0.05420334933983672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297568369820575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348566261293744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206419886642552,0.108284561758835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691347541680535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655867221155094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820170271702146,0.0,0.09816760085324112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001582214860081,0.0,0.0,0.1947184301369076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703014237141429,0.0,0.0,0.3651730660694269,0.1151983914760453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927154502951252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773701647656773,0.0,0.1653453162897007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34328124630510976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673685558874171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269640207289564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708978500220874,0.06049551340111834,0.0,0.19667941115616544,0.19826876458740064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617419583099793,0.0936152264373455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361889878114594
suicidewatch,buttermyegggroll,2019/01/01,"One and a half months Planning on killing myself mid February. I wish I could put it off a little longer maybe, but I'm going out through hypothermia and need it to be cold. Strange to think I don't even have multiple months or anything, just 46 days. I'm just tired. My only regret is causing pain to my friends, especially a certain friend, and my family. I just can't take this much longer. ",3.7892307692307696,5.291889974358977,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,72.33333333333333,7.764102564102564,28.384615384615394,8.344100000000001,1.851292307692308,310,12,64,5,6,98,58,78,0.191,0.654,0.156,-0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,1,16,13,5,1,4,5,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,0,1,8,3,7,11,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181761980508668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226900310794258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763513699146295,0.0,0.0,0.14244663168192948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588639637237927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822206621070635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412962221683976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552881892843915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443663700110609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213755983945457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22189944951403426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526019454386061,0.0,0.1623691424336982,0.1637766222625503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967117234516725,0.16798601460684925,0.2350274460144912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204120600724106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607112875110452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152830726142598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253864263626162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253996293128125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrAstrophobia,2019/01/01,"Already a new year and I already want to die I'm so tired of life already. I spent my whole new Years eve all alone. Only my brother was home with me but he went to sleep. All I wanted was to talk to my girlfriend tonight but she ignored me. SHe gave me really short replies and left my messages on 5ead. I honestly feel like shit like I'm being ignored like I don't matter to anyone and I'm insignificant. Even my girlfriend doesn't love me. She doesn't wwant to see me and she ignores me. I was looking at my phone for 5 hours straight waiting for her to respond. how pathetic is that?  I literally have no one else to talk to. It hurts and I""m tired of it. I'm not happy like this. I had to go out and buy some drinks to numb the pain but it's not working but now I'm just drunk and miserable. I sent her and my family happy new years messages and tried calling them but no one is answering me. I'm invisible to the world. I've been suffering for too long and I can't live another year like this. I had high hopes for this year but I was mistaken and if it's going to continue like this I don't wnt to be here anymore. Can someone anyone talk to me? It's just me and my thoughts and all I can think of is ending my life. I'm in  a lot of pain tonight. Happy new year to everyone else. I hope you're doing better than me. ",-0.5400170697012783,1.6286592315789468,1.781071597913705,96.012546230441,91.77192982456141,5.045993361782836,19.983404457088668,6.643151254067905,0.20254101469890928,1031,35,240,14,37,347,141,285,0.243,0.628,0.128,-0.9906,0,1,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,2,8,24,1,1,4,0,21,12,2,1,3,45,45,22,1,5,11,1,1,6,2,0,7,0,1,0,10,15,2,4,4,2,2,4,9,10,0,2,12,3,41,14,30,31,6,31,0,3,2,1,22,9,1,5,24,146,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494011958029212,0.3034728484554932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612160436349748,0.0,0.0,0.09090975328145,0.1281924121286022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810726551885196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936029982823126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951366281065356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979947414293689,0.0,0.0,0.15315324664194646,0.0,0.08119039765490925,0.0,0.0,0.06054566911159701,0.0,0.0,0.08759244143492675,0.0,0.0,0.08641617474974761,0.0,0.046349957052970125,0.0654874424492066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419376341864058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29274599967841186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685198643019506,0.09195020426052312,0.1820934728729968,0.09027424598837612,0.0,0.0981321976170719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959725354739822,0.0,0.12949525296317582,0.2687053264323865,0.0,0.08094428232752103,0.08112305373566846,0.07697780353107911,0.0,0.0,0.07793262338401108,0.0827337025194458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35413304762455106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242328483215726,0.06971743705150457,0.19508184906034548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872469317051261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304731011858738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409560441361237,0.0,0.0,0.09173392828617853,0.0,0.0776697675717752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210371398320468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873697804901766,0.0,0.07277393581389158,0.0,0.21071713452343416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062236369371466364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081360007681199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849769012623705,0.0,0.1023437434964949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673519697700837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35418606426815913
suicidewatch,foxcurse,2019/01/01,"Long years ahead Just scrolling through this subreddit, and reading all the stories and everyone is like 20-40 years old and have already been through so many years of being depressed and I’m only about 15 and I feel this way. I just keep thinking about the 30 years of the same depression to come. I don’t even think I can take another year.",4.531791044776117,6.037147850746268,4.07779104477612,89.69370149253733,70.49253731343283,7.748059701492537,31.310447761194034,8.238735603445708,2.1105546268656714,274,12,56,4,5,82,49,67,0.105,0.857,0.038,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,13,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,8,11,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,34,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149504657592325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042494120902084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779032248838152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33553665494278806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286538796615027,0.0,0.0,0.1861257392143972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848932028511442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313415957455094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516227788183633,0.0,0.0,0.17237889590162653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748176146363286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043944473621434,0.0,0.0,0.1481430280372381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948380511580561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645433395350976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24962116090153885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461153596706698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6271768616808872
suicidewatch,ikindafartedmybad,2019/01/01,"if you are hurting today Just know that, yes, although it seems fucking hysterical that someone far away may care about you, it is 100% true. I care about you, and hell, if it's just me, that's okay. To each person who is reading this, I admire you, and cherish you and just hope in the midst of your heartaches, you can still see hope. 

There is still time, there is still so much left.    Your work here is not finished. Don't seek perfection in places you know deep within you don't exist. YOU MATTER. YOU MATTER. YOU MATTER. 

I want you to ring in the New Year, but not for me, or anyone else.
Do it for yourself. Validate yourself. 

Ring in the year whether you are on the brink or just considering, because I want you and I to do what we were born to do together: Live.",2.5990509490509517,4.304632051948055,3.2053246753246762,93.18128371628372,75.88311688311687,6.037162837162838,22.885114885114888,6.67199483983844,0.4052873126873125,592,17,130,5,13,185,87,154,0.073,0.782,0.14400000000000002,0.8588,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,16,0,2,13,12,2,0,4,2,15,1,0,0,2,31,26,12,0,6,12,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,24,9,16,24,2,22,1,1,1,1,19,12,2,8,10,95,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021296963770747,0.1761560321418504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615278696132242,0.0,0.0,0.10480302305927076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505751106447967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362009640644546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158940586086065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34151782874241104,0.0,0.0,0.1840477559746376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188969414740442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679548060428536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518116773405067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638361842074486,0.0,0.0,0.1660448719035394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011704499728695,0.17962355662093255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197011222865585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700084002776453,0.15651277684705356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567029757591032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41189519661605534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025002630667623,0.0,0.162963458229141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028099723100648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516241912844975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142630692396706
suicidewatch,skyliiner,2019/01/01,"Thoughts I want to fucking kill myself again just like I had before. There's no rough patch and there's no escaping it. Even if I feel like I ""don't want to kill my self"" for a week or two, doesn't mean I'm not depressed and fucking doesn't mean it won't come back especially. I haven't been happy for at least 4 years. My entire adolescence is a complete FUCKING waste. It makes me feel like my feelings are invalid too so that's shitty and aaahhhhhh god ",1.7953567251461988,3.8015174947368418,3.1835087719298265,91.03900584795325,79.3157894736842,5.906432748538013,23.18713450292397,6.937597516519254,0.6236783625730995,362,12,79,4,9,118,64,95,0.243,0.603,0.154,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,5,0,2,0,9,3,0,1,0,17,23,6,2,3,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,3,4,10,4,5,19,1,6,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,2,7,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023329793695734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411942830965005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458952667175241,0.17757879893343767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587614184296482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186576084421614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569121765557021,0.2419926208700241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697330963167437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029505368234253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747605066102263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482334923811656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305424716939012,0.0,0.0,0.36898212901608224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766874367226736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344590260360969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544762148022166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979490156892904,0.0,0.1358565435338874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090672383925226
suicidewatch,Jarjarbonks3,2019/01/01,"I'm almost done None of my ""friends"" ever remember my birthday. On the bright side as the years go by I have less and less ""friends"" to forget it. 
I told myself if I don't find a reason to live by 22 then I'll end it all. Today's the day and the future doesn't look too good.",-0.2341397849462368,1.3463714999999965,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,84.0,4.778494623655916,16.78494623655914,5.46131890053228,-0.7937182795698923,211,4,53,1,6,72,47,62,0.071,0.878,0.051,-0.0367,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,6,4,7,6,4,10,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,7,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641596842886332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013052250004462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699611254263531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365034873132176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386240909085596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24111032860552595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40762567650216186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992480552854004,0.2212646748138095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232942076155582,0.0,0.22152731307038093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712324819099786,0.0,0.0,0.2988363397563281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500535331827252,0.25207419939593084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987989512375098
suicidewatch,MeridianOne,2019/01/01,"I think i lost I put up a fight for 30 years. I'm thinking about giving up. I'm partially disabled, this is to hard.",-0.9739743589743596,0.9124613461538472,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,89.38461538461539,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.04791282051282053,89,3,22,1,3,31,20,26,0.255,0.648,0.097,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,5,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922210322007604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662631677735767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463249786864743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41102274472420797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239689907364791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632959690126823
suicidewatch,theend20181231,2019/01/01,We're already in the hell. Suicide is the only way out.,-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,1.5,94.995,103.16666666666666,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.1626333333333334,43,2,9,0,2,15,11,12,0.503,0.4970000000000001,0.0,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5797819059383378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39958344283428177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5746923534705021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170308293420841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maysavig_,2019/01/01,i hope someone see’s this this really might just be my last day on earth... n i jss wanna say. screw this. ,-2.747391304347825,-1.7811657391304312,0.056173913043480184,102.85295652173912,119.43478260869566,3.5791304347826087,8.947826086956521,5.6839178017228535,-1.5441408695652177,80,1,20,1,5,27,20,23,0.066,0.7979999999999999,0.136,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,2,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728205772828352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201661255327303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448274577158517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487699919905379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27100506584068423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33641194408872005,0.0,0.0,0.33710165212260146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35843355389703163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throaway5677299,2019/01/01,"Shitty 2018 and probably gonna be a shitty 2019 too. I had a shitty 2018, so I wanted to do one thing for New Years this year, and didn’t get to do it. Instead, I spent the entire night crying. This holiday depresses me anyway, and I couldn’t do the only thing I wanted to do (I just wanted to watch a movie, couldn’t happen.) To top it off, my husband is so drunk that he puked in our bed and I can’t get him up to do anything about it, so I’m on the couch. I just don’t know if it’s even worth it to try to make it through another year. The older I get, the worse my life gets, and every year is a bigger shitshow than the last. Here’s to another shitty year. ",1.5300622665006216,2.348131109589044,3.7301992528019916,91.95907222914074,76.94520547945207,6.678953922789539,20.122042341220425,6.980632752743323,0.16276164383561653,506,10,122,5,11,175,82,146,0.199,0.758,0.043,-0.9759,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,11,1,0,0,10,0,14,2,0,1,0,15,27,9,0,6,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,11,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,14,0,17,20,0,15,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,1,9,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494947478421535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713900040639956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830575333022555,0.0,0.0,0.14353566236856155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007095386730664,0.0,0.14041006842303208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482716217505314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736831317731228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158664862316172,0.13584224002277975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177100379275085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124037177036213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095190176246812,0.0,0.1563900208069288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292655872052043,0.12674506550251582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967721366730252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214301134826104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314461698868547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948840006211834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698308967884751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365866586406272
suicidewatch,throwawaybutmaykeep0,2019/01/01,"Done. I just don't see any fucking reason to go on. The sweet release of death would conquer all for me. I've literally never wanted to die so fucking badly in my life. I just can't take this at all anymore.


I don't know what to think or how to feel anymore. My mind and other people are all constantly pulling me in one million different directions, all contradicting one another, and I can't survive like this anymore. I really thought that I had overcome all of these obstacles in 2018. I worked so fucking hard on myself and made so much fucking progress, but the damage is done. The progress has been moot. The brainwashing I have experienced for so long will forever alter my perceptions of the world and others into being the most negative and depraved shit possible.",5.2077334993773325,6.939247643835621,5.912391033623912,76.3138667496887,69.13698630136986,9.144707347447072,33.820672478206724,9.573946990214177,3.468241095890411,620,30,107,14,11,202,95,146,0.184,0.748,0.068,-0.9547,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,7,9,5,0,6,0,15,6,1,3,6,28,28,12,2,2,4,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,7,0,3,6,5,14,2,16,19,7,13,0,1,1,4,0,8,5,2,4,84,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785099434487188,0.1508825373136722,0.0,0.0,0.4281044100073535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014319581392782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554953390026922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933641542121895,0.15033574608159633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29450144385879906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727557469607492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321006229115101,0.0,0.0,0.0817767217940605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889831018763068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907887608405231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163465573916096,0.07029800378088112,0.0,0.0,0.1273392414049139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361533939534719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452891587174317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577663601144996,0.0,0.11097781407326404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500889000539584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975608545236618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622157810670906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218042881417654,0.14794418532990886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466270842662528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770231560326424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818832368403564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219971244611036,0.0,0.11423359148666162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487079610711915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475455455300886,0.0,0.0,0.1022162261127474,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManicMonkey12,2019/01/01,"Good god all I wanted was a good 18th birthday. Mother of fuck. Life couldn’t do me good for this one day. Just this one day. But nah. Life said, “You can go ahead and lube yourself up cuz I’m gonna fuck your ass HARD”. Had to get embarrassed beyond belief. I was thinking to myself, “Please don’t let that happen today please don’t.” Guess what. It fucking did. I was thinking, “Please don’t shaft me after all this stuff I’ve saved up” guess what. NOPE. FUCK YOU. Don’t matter that it’s your bday you can get fucked!!!

God. My photos for my bday look like I’m someone’s autistic step child. No offense I’m just trying to make a point. But god could anything go right??????

2019 started off the fucking WORST way possible. My dad pissed and drunk, my mom being stupid, life shafting me, all my work for nothing, my most important bday of my life RAPED, and me wanting to die even more. Happy New Years. I really mean it ",-0.15205019305019718,2.159903924324325,1.0192181467181491,99.52334459459459,96.24324324324324,3.507722007722008,15.796332046332047,5.288315135182226,-0.8821235521235518,706,17,154,4,28,220,111,185,0.235,0.607,0.158,-0.97,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,5,0,2,4,18,10,1,3,0,16,14,2,2,3,25,42,6,1,4,4,3,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,11,3,1,0,4,1,0,3,7,12,0,2,6,3,21,6,15,31,6,18,1,0,1,8,10,6,8,3,9,85,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590505796580848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833478740299241,0.0,0.0,0.13464736813963976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834157814057624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894939910821724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5790478603615805,0.10908018056739972,0.0,0.11865584250621422,0.2626751421921796,0.0,0.0,0.2299973387432915,0.0,0.0923127881077196,0.11112636717228416,0.09351400531472212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674706859719284,0.2949383501806031,0.051000264391445164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766231137615238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968193261400724,0.0,0.0,0.11371261360640428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226170475087154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082166567962476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016616610071656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147634945591875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34377054881432906,0.0986834205572875,0.11768538618356073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687567197346764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914950930257083,0.09929993084843257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884503199242543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388862442031695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195029417695478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337793239826164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895064578157396,0.0,0.0,0.07087476831629773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314526182186444,0.08286087079671417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599803253395533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722450634407795
suicidewatch,Tmoneyxx3,2019/01/01,"Another night, another hating myself till I want to die drunk and alone sequence. Hanging out at the bar with friends on New Years, fun right.  Nah. My friends hot cousin chose my other friend, (in town from Cali), over me, haha, just something else I failed at. My life is a complete fucking joke, I’ve accomplished nothing, and still can’t get a single girl to want to talk to me (24m/virgin). I feel like I could never take my own life, but god damn, tonight would be perfect. ",5.127862318840581,5.852906206521737,4.7552173913043525,88.2803623188406,68.45652173913044,7.4376811594202925,29.46376811594203,7.1686216300943375,1.4866681159420296,369,13,75,3,6,112,74,92,0.142,0.618,0.24,0.7979999999999999,0,1,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,2,12,3,0,3,1,5,5,0,0,2,13,12,4,1,4,2,1,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,11,8,13,9,2,16,0,1,0,1,6,8,2,0,8,41,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194797267616854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944428545431155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972014495836088,0.0,0.0,0.15016897296021686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952004620108032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711921421833908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510041727345094,0.13436653449264774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359373832738673,0.17387970498621722,0.09826560591239794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569302592204767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26569717373535195,0.09188785453139664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506120639729855,0.18165173573367724,0.0,0.1765031566568852,0.0,0.18047071342583576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062185637833895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447954841487526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020332867037053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414150105835298,0.1511739928686065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218724557517454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336087685373355,0.0,0.0,0.12111928699973055
suicidewatch,peyton5118,2019/01/01,"2019...looks the same as 2018 I love her, i had her. But i let my issues get in the way. He came in the picture. He was someone i thought was a friend, a confidant. I trusted him. He used my negative thoughts i had about myself against me and convinced her i didnt love her. Its year 2, and she had him come to the place we work at together. Had to leave because i couldn't deal with it. So now im alone. Pretty drunk. Just want release. Happy New Year!",-1.1239285714285714,0.9538504166666684,0.8509523809523821,101.175,96.91666666666666,3.9928571428571433,19.357142857142858,5.773587663045528,-0.3297357142857145,344,12,83,3,14,112,68,96,0.091,0.664,0.246,0.954,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,1,0,14,18,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,0,20,6,9,6,1,11,0,0,0,2,15,4,0,0,4,54,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648893780556013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153512838050012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280280938646809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717410526360034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554345235575305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403406889499915,0.0,0.10416347639732117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122348654697721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21535563163120916,0.208092240245954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110582690482904,0.0,0.2038710552635452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742200195245127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359881458533739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255441527013506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083009762203225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283267856820253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892698130569656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165576949464855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219312256185845,0.0,0.0,0.11759458507036365,0.15825196318155973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451449608336894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25677765634303273
suicidewatch,throwawaygarbage1191,2019/01/01,"When I was 18, I used to look at CP, now I want to kill myself. I don't even know where to start. Almost 5 years ago now, I used to look at child porn. I'm not exactly the type of person people would suspect to do that either. I feel fucking disgusting, I don't deserve to exist.  


Everyone in my life thinks I am such a great person, and that I'm an inspiration because of the challenges I've had with cerebral palsy and aspergers, but I can't live with myself anymore. **I feel like I'm living a lie,** because if people actually knew what I did, they wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. I feel like I'm going to go insane. I wish I could just erase the memories of what I did, but I can't, they're fucking stuck in my head forever.   


All I can think about lately is the shame that I feel from what I did. I had a nightmare that the authorities arrested me for it recently, and since then I've been in an unstable state.  


I've never wanted to hurt anyone, and I never would, but it doesn't change the fact that what I did makes me a monster. I obviously can't tell anyone in my life what I did, they would be devastated. Lately, I've been feeling like the only option is to kill myself to make the shame and the pain disappear. But I can't do that, I have a one year old brother, and a newborn niece. They're the main reasons I'm alive right now, I want to see them grow up, I want my brother to remember me. I don't want to put my mother through the pain of losing a family member to suicide again. But I don't know what else to do.  


There's no excusing my actions, and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to feel like a ""good"" moral person again. Another part is I can't even think about ever being  involved with someone because I don't feel like I can hide what I did for the rest of my life from a person, which is not good, because a common cause of my depression is feelings of loneliness. I need help, and I'm not sure what to do anymore, I hate myself, I hate what I did.   


I can't keep living like this. I would never do it again, ever, but the fact that I did, and the memories of what I did are killing me inside, and I can never tell the people closest to me the sick shit that I've done, so I have to pretend that everything is ok when I'm falling apart. ",4.032368908520944,3.7955323409090944,5.6202051866628695,84.4945867768595,70.63223140495867,8.57668851524651,27.64006839555429,8.216663640201805,1.6001177828441149,1759,53,393,23,29,603,194,484,0.209,0.682,0.109,-0.9964,0,0,0,0,0,3,59.0,0,0,3,2,20,30,9,2,28,1,56,11,2,6,13,80,102,21,4,15,12,3,9,7,0,5,6,0,0,6,24,14,0,1,19,1,0,7,22,16,0,1,17,12,66,14,46,76,5,44,1,3,3,3,17,11,3,3,32,270,90,2,0.0675279661188483,0.0,0.06589755390577492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985946756003155,0.0,0.0676195036735304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080896034744287,0.0,0.0,0.20090879125234104,0.0944342480274324,0.0,0.05556976236020831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465768549651533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936982263842037,0.07143563426496863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053915586145287464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058161738268465976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910455454864875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056410950692943336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920316950016577,0.18324873421055773,0.0,0.06452586547397245,0.060689781719229625,0.0,0.06365935662177005,0.0,0.30729751792243404,0.2894519549281851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485703309145182,0.0,0.0,0.07675539865586277,0.11327850827567562,0.0,0.07444982104069271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333977236871158,0.0693031750566353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045262572261029435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229008437684217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002195900905578,0.22412906822987336,0.0,0.07422320834007624,0.0,0.15234897418646334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309099852686802,0.2309352729344393,0.0,0.1788852937579009,0.0,0.11341296837395196,0.07554652110221444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015088349516344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007113123337421,0.2083269217516684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085924101515366,0.0,0.045758697479630996,0.051358061160078086,0.1437090340521364,0.0,0.0,0.07312620675445321,0.0,0.14044616742879998,0.23585126135961204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788425729883606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942999593705132,0.06667571990782915,0.0,0.0764960218223842,0.05766851409895811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381104612147585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931648681804957,0.0558598313882587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057216226555967385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047796641983455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386463470161342,0.0,0.06364430890636184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180448376069244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980758208757956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664496264276185,0.0,0.0,0.2389784640370181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765382842992631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918797186353237,0.0,0.0,0.0869715923784039
suicidewatch,Pylon777,2019/01/01,"Fuck It I hate new years, each year may life gets shittier. I wish I could just disappear.  ",-0.11333333333333327,2.134069888888888,1.1722222222222245,97.345,100.11111111111113,6.844444444444445,17.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.8126444444444441,70,2,16,2,3,22,16,18,0.49,0.402,0.108,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985353175583014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34567215798136985,0.1953516314844101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691569927476739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26410245928911075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36112292401864265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299760419459371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815693161393438
suicidewatch,RedHeadMenace13,2019/01/01,Suddenly know Hi. I’m 30 and have failed. This is the first New Years where I’m not entertained or distracted by the festivities cuz it just hit me I finally gotta make the call if I’m gonna kill myself.  Don’t got a plan just had bad thoughts for years and it just suddenly got heavy,-0.5909471766848817,1.6182256065573808,1.561530054644809,95.93916211293262,96.21311475409836,6.645537340619308,18.25318761384335,7.793537801064563,0.7551296903460845,226,7,54,6,9,75,46,61,0.209,0.713,0.078,-0.8632,0,0,0,0,1,1,3.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,1,1,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,12,15,5,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,0,3,2,2,8,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471258831918117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022224921088823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242249922225897,0.0,0.2517552884120495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734348068505429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32745132054706994,0.0,0.16265954107258546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756490812717592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858534826747887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349702535800305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38119503640439417
suicidewatch,Elijah_h8,2019/01/01,"I’m going to commit suicide I’m going to commit Suicide in the next couple of days. [m17]


Last night I was close to ending it, but for some reason I turned back like a fucking pussy. Not sure if I should provide some context as to what lead me to this choice. 

 Some extended family came for New Years, and will stay for a couple of days. I will most likely be left alone so I’ll be able too leave without a question. Just wondering if I’ll have the guts to do it once I’m on the edge or, will I linger around. I have no one to talk to which makes the situation worse but, I’m committed already & need to go through with this soon or, I will never do it. Hey, at least I made it through 2018 thats good enough, right??

I don’t want to leave anything behind, just this post. I’m not leaving any notes. Don’t want to give more questions than answers.

Worst case scenario it’s a failed suicide, and I end up hospitalized or, I get the cops called on me lmao. 

Anyways I’ve been rambling for a long time, and it’s almost New Years. 
 
[excuse my grammar]

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suicidewatch,junkatrunk,2019/01/01,"Plans have been made. Feel at peace with it? I don't know why I'm writing this here. Maybe I'm looking for some small amount of light that could change my mind. Maybe I just need to see it written down.

I've spent the majority of my life being depressed. At age 9 I was put on Prozac due to suicidal ideation, I'm 31 now.

Medicine doesn't work. Vitamins haven't worked. Exercising regularly has done nothing. Therapy managed to intensify the self loathing. I've been married for 7 years and have two young kids. I seem to make my husband miserable, but I know without a doubt that I wouldn't be here today if not for my kids.

I'm a lesbian. It's something I've known but had suppressed due to a strict religious upbringing. I came out to my husband months ago, and we decided to try to make it work anyway. I regret saying anything at all, but did hoping that it would help me feel better about life. It just made everything worse.

I've been planning my own suicide for some time now and it's starting to come to fruition.

I used my sister's birthday as an excuse to travel to one of my favorite places. My sister isn't going, it's just me. I did inform her that I was leaving for a few days of peace and quiet and that I was using that reasoning to avoid any awkwardness about traveling solo. My husband would think I'm up to no good/cheating, which isn't the case.

I'm planning on doing it there. I absolutely don't want there to be any chance of my children finding me. I also don't want my husband to find me. I know it would destroy his life and create life long images that he would never be able to wipe from his brain.

My kids are at a great age for this to make minimal impact. I've thought it through way too much. They'll miss me at first, but after a year or two it will only be vague memories that easily fade.

My trip is in two weeks. I've cleaned and scrubbed my house. I've organized everything and prepared things as best as I can. I feel a sense of freedom when I think about the plans I've made and I'm happy that I have control over my own death and the location.

I've felt nothing but apathy for so long. It's hard watching people enjoy life, enjoy small things or holidays. I don't remember what that joy feels like. I don't get excited, I have no motivation, no dreams or ambitions. There's mostly just the fear of tomorrow and stress.

I'm good at wearing masks and pretending that things are okay though. My husband is fragile, it's difficult to open up about anything with him. When I do I can see the light go out of his eyes. Just the insinuation that things aren't okay with me causes a domino effect. As a result I end up supporting and reassuring him back to an okay place instead of focusing on my problems. 

I needed to get that out. I can't see suicide hotlines working at this point.. It's not a spurr of the moment decision that's taken over me. It's something I've put a great deal of thought into.

My kids will be in safe hands. They have many people that would do anything to ensure they're well cared for. 

I can't see an end to depression. It's been apart of me so long and it's exhausting to try and fight it. I've fought so hard for so long and I just want to sleep forever.

I still can't figure out why I'm putting this here, but there it is. 
",2.312428460556294,4.097873796159529,3.6481571239015587,89.34458278046215,76.91728212703102,6.89411411261047,24.76852014120121,7.773731181650412,1.2017470845955491,2588,90,555,39,59,847,293,677,0.132,0.6970000000000001,0.172,0.9881,0,1,2,0,1,2,68.0,1,0,2,14,33,36,3,6,23,3,56,15,5,14,2,108,111,38,4,16,19,7,9,1,0,9,9,2,1,6,45,28,0,4,24,6,1,10,21,16,1,5,22,20,66,20,84,73,11,73,0,5,7,1,32,30,0,10,33,348,111,6,0.06604801473802263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585475799560862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281857352350622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982982980957484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305566542145622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507868464328964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931331662886571,0.05841410170079477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373142783757076,0.0,0.07554133346840584,0.06734035289484683,0.06784950489894227,0.0698700419386052,0.05689451640590518,0.0,0.0,0.07407846470537897,0.052733965392438034,0.0,0.0,0.04259550549009422,0.06809260303630639,0.11377411662550968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759005045791959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699787393699253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871939369191885,0.0,0.0,0.07432237902139839,0.133583443089357,0.04718471492586072,0.0634164518603447,0.0,0.12073337781975492,0.05618040759551808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901472333867742,0.0,0.07507321770543038,0.11079588227083782,0.0,0.14563633883729013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030933984646867,0.11833209610611865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427059204649821,0.0,0.0,0.06560058147053502,0.0,0.07621054123147235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889478478562584,0.0,0.0,0.06993531102709141,0.0,0.0,0.23325833040658386,0.03226772378690878,0.0,0.0,0.23380165853334045,0.05546369776236219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874886855579105,0.1322626881266093,0.06696232029852442,0.13270821652180892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668966671286147,0.0,0.052718895229073234,0.0,0.0485528904144236,0.09794753207377567,0.050940300696915734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674970293188165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475584412254074,0.050232491445796834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157875439745172,0.0,0.1380122355957745,0.0,0.0624367225324433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631990301250589,0.0,0.1991894921873761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790835943200813,0.0,0.0,0.07481952540718848,0.0,0.0,0.05252403229287467,0.0,0.0,0.21052686592363595,0.06012763202754439,0.06890248390853403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609571382437038,0.0,0.0,0.1016939771187552,0.0,0.0,0.046749124778838635,0.0,0.05274602988748362,0.0,0.07565777772945688,0.0,0.0,0.21673742429045748,0.07495050442032232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553166099448994,0.0,0.17551746471954385,0.08464180188435544,0.0648918391360199,0.1048694921343034,0.038513128537805696,0.0,0.06260579517998856,0.0,0.0,0.08968453300312959,0.0,0.1935579397414505,0.0,0.0,0.1140885570014948,0.0,0.0,0.11687049101262185,0.05242583981701091,0.05297973346800774,0.0,0.0593850972971753,0.0,0.1191961203790899,0.0,0.0,0.06366792927855153,0.0,0.19233496542935774,0.0,0.06730856965780449,0.2345930732988593,0.0,0.0,0.08506551204412445
suicidewatch,Blushingblackgirl,2019/01/01,"Giving away things to clean up so my family wont have to. I want the sad feelings and guilt to go away. I feel like a burden to myself and others. I shouldnt have gotten an abortion. I am thousands of dollars in debt for a baby i dont have from hospital bills. My relationship is in shambles. I either kill myself succesfully or go further into debt if i have to be hospitalized and possibly lose my job and good standing. 
I am damned if i do and damned if i dont.
The problems i have are my own fault i should own up to it and not blame it on anyone else. 
I have been clearing out clutter so my fsmily doesnt have much to go through once im gone. ",2.1127272727272732,3.4002432898550765,4.266495388669302,86.8187549407115,76.2463768115942,7.047167325428196,24.13965744400527,7.686295010490155,1.077672463768116,506,16,111,7,11,175,81,138,0.205,0.6920000000000001,0.102,-0.9304,3,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,11,3,1,5,0,20,0,0,0,1,21,29,12,1,7,6,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,4,4,6,9,0,1,3,2,20,2,20,22,4,15,0,2,0,0,2,10,2,4,1,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010535933901446,0.19065200644008892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34964016915362817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43614828860057225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543867111492835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541143476167415,0.0,0.1881664512771601,0.13292935347061802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849651852975734,0.3172457746609913,0.15606775436294024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009889031080168,0.0,0.18464702560140334,0.0,0.2058602930573471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090502438558548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816615751439665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678379411765332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815983133710052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097674007870076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780450772605986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997709102597092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361748473330092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974965681514856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mhuoop,2019/01/01,"i’m ready to just end it now. it’s been another shitty year. to be honest it has been the shittiest one yet. 2017 was pretty depressing but for 2018 i actually tried to get my life back together. i tried going to the gym, changing up my looks, i tried to be more outgoing and extroverted, etc. i basically tried everything in my power to be a better person. instead, every attempt in trying to be better failed miserably. the only happiness i have ever experienced this year has only been temporary. when it’s over i only become more and more depressed. i’ve even tried therapy this year and my doctor didn’t even seem to care about me. nothing was working and it was just a waste of time and money. what i’ve learned from 2018 is that it won’t get better no matter how hard i try. i’m still gonna be depressed and the only thing i can think of doing to end. it all is to end it all. i’m ready to call it quits in this game of life. i clearly can’t handle it. ",2.305802139037436,4.0201255101010105,4.447302436125966,83.92232620320856,76.72727272727272,7.487106357694593,23.263220439691025,8.313332769828598,1.4038528817587643,753,23,154,14,17,260,109,198,0.151,0.6809999999999999,0.168,0.4347,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,8,13,11,0,1,6,0,21,3,0,1,4,18,32,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,16,6,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,5,0,1,7,3,14,6,22,18,6,19,0,5,1,0,3,5,0,1,13,106,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.10606952027783402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113974981016211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357886291887835,0.0,0.0,0.12004381989456422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883926375521785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098857559579367,0.0,0.11082062618209143,0.0,0.11498368312824435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808535663773929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125276327747398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888114724892489,0.0,0.1212223769050264,0.1435825282630972,0.09831981197676798,0.09157925823954127,0.0,0.0976870255598518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357610299605825,0.0,0.061773220943849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570662661067505,0.09736834174597117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354736425698148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127546043599068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429468248584196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365376713592472,0.33066628952196964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490727905130852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058072363174798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156092909954087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895080060753228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680305061480538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430089252804273,0.0,0.07221136551098124,0.0696466314978474,0.0,0.0,0.06338025919548773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165719346052822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913041879538261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998583106515412
suicidewatch,ThatGuy2u2,2019/01/01,"Happy new years i've been around here for a long time, posting here and there but mostly trying to comment on other's post, happy new years, i wont say this year will be better than the last but heres a shot to still being here \*drinks\*",4.903809523809521,5.067155163265305,4.988163265306124,88.39136054421772,68.79591836734693,6.533333333333332,22.455782312925173,3.1291,0.047361904761904494,189,3,39,0,3,59,40,49,0.0,0.78,0.22,0.9052,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,9,27,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910212501710942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897781317962423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102062205746628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568477396857196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749109335783189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898961067423066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144844400940127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110156950998971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706422324870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136346738649247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512303314995366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568539640934675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145464918397873
suicidewatch,yolomofo1995,2019/01/01,I want to die... can I go to Amsterdam to get a lethal injection. I want it to be painless. I want it to be over. I have the right to end it. I own my own body. ,-4.00938596491228,-2.6781938684210544,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,106.10526315789473,4.63859649122807,14.228070175438594,6.42735559955562,-0.7855403508771932,115,3,35,2,6,44,22,38,0.0,0.816,0.184,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,3,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042062467923657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37766643297659225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322303706622268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901205585628427,0.0,0.2068103933884413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107650613712611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6439055887189523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spicyps3controller69,2019/01/01,"Well cya I guess There's no point at all anymore I'm just trying to walk myself through my own logic. Less than half an hour now (for me) until 2019 and imma just leave it here. I mean, you can't fuck anything up if you're not here to do so. Hopefully I'll talk myself out of it when I get there but as of right now, I'm fucking ready. I made a post and I feel like my brother has found it. Acting kinda off and not as abrasive. I hope he didn't and I fucking hope he doesn't see this but I just can't keep doing this shit everyday. I'm gonna go smoke some weed and watch other people get happy because the year went up by one. Hopefully someone else will enjoy 2019. Cause I don't think I'll see it for too long. Wow I say hope a lot. lol see ya",-0.21655864741105546,1.53793922155689,1.948960901725961,98.5862733356816,84.92814371257485,4.64797463895738,17.009158154279675,5.5289334501034215,-0.7529849242691085,578,12,143,3,17,194,111,167,0.1,0.7020000000000001,0.199,0.9625,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,0,13,14,4,0,4,1,9,4,1,2,1,32,35,13,0,6,8,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,0,4,8,4,1,2,4,6,17,10,17,29,5,20,0,0,4,3,7,7,4,10,9,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418359171823053,0.0,0.0,0.10304456023756192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633233466854254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863439690813352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046043992244876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331448425565185,0.08945647218517759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729616040864073,0.0,0.3472888182626504,0.13084350914093193,0.0,0.0711648382539752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794283589241613,0.0,0.0,0.13329794434948772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6218535600852044,0.12331548268296873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130039265947897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258883126637064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061175673943524286,0.0,0.0,0.11081486661675873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645670826856622,0.0,0.11848523694590478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640019039623322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485162898966432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681108181305187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183724208429194,0.0,0.11992517964493428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106936334122889,0.0,0.09957916755974136,0.0,0.0,0.29934997099148225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853549480883367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060976447171956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064628174891802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023527330692075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850154752936526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112586911098773,0.11607925916569255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063692473346333
suicidewatch,kuraizo,2019/01/01,New Years is just another day Hate seeing people excited. I just don’t understand it. I’ve never celebrated any holidays because my parents never did. It’s depressing. I feel left out...empty.,1.7940000000000005,4.153084400000001,4.902857142857143,68.81714285714287,105.0,8.857142857142858,27.857142857142854,8.418075326091056,4.187285714285714,154,8,22,6,7,55,30,35,0.237,0.6409999999999999,0.122,-0.6483,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,6,0,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911127190194521,0.2946885941387577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131568383090276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812436445549676,0.0,0.24205412420830136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209920623753702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774628371134996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053442025059459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335014056908913,0.271424334398083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120549367439604,0.0,0.0,0.19483355133158786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239476678214812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925662469517489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809766459092384
suicidewatch,leaflights,2019/01/01,"I know it’s cheesy but I get really sentimental about a new year I feel like it’s a celebration for myself of all that I overcame the past year. I survived and I grew and I did things for people that made them happy. I like the idea of a fresh start and new opportunities. I hope this new year treats you all well and that the problems that you’re dealing with will be resolved, the opportunity you’ve been waiting for arises, and that someone does something kind for you. Blessings to all",2.9445589919816726,5.15523951546392,3.941168384879728,86.00277205040095,76.5257731958763,6.372966781214204,24.179839633447884,7.3871296695380915,0.9995186712485684,391,13,79,5,9,126,60,97,0.03,0.568,0.402,0.9927,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,4,2,12,0,0,7,0,4,0,0,1,3,18,11,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,13,11,9,6,3,9,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,10,52,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693688804145346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671659923311699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658724443921474,0.13646725938304188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980191854403116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203348116714376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972948297524486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564233189274426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989216275942786,0.10498154514762033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664891114198484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807510979181798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534751930162478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235358935807325,0.13243167464262218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827837351647572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237457496230232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618536305744283,0.14705925822550828,0.0,0.0,0.13520744900436815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690755587784747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717531087996283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36903870188418997
suicidewatch,Invisiblemunster,2019/01/01,"I am alone and want to disappear Not sure what to title or write here. I don’t feel right, I’m lonely, I’m alone, I’m bored of this life. I’m too chicken to kill myself but man I want to so bad. My last request is to just talk to someone maybe or I’m not. Maybe this wasn’t the place to go but maybe it’ll turn out alright. There’s a glimpse of hope but I am hopeless. I’m sorry.",-2.6585064935064935,-0.9974565909090884,0.13642857142857245,105.28000000000002,103.54545454545456,2.9688311688311693,14.24025974025974,4.65589566412798,-1.4708467532467533,292,7,78,1,14,99,56,88,0.251,0.6509999999999999,0.099,-0.895,0,4,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,2,1,6,1,0,0,1,16,18,7,1,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,1,6,3,10,16,0,6,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068225315418916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639858744948138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930578847228183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161869921861613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950696079248065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172876044421237,0.0,0.0,0.16009228943207396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872319433035712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5919308758780684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051962961531519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677246067981816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640916194073896,0.0,0.0,0.2198538252408044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510476389150465,0.0,0.0,0.1578589557094518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136269040992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316837274788648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jonnydavisapplesauce,2019/01/01,Nonsuch Alive Happy Less Child Not once but my childhood happy time but 2009 d-day bad times forever never better I want happy cannot no more happy. The ontario place dead me too dead with it soul gone my soul gone I need ontario place my only friend why died I need but no more,-0.2357894736842105,1.9089174385964969,1.1242280701754377,97.15476315789472,102.68421052631578,2.9817543859649125,14.471929824561405,4.935628992294339,-1.0263459649122804,222,5,45,1,10,70,39,57,0.282,0.412,0.306,0.0701,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,3,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,7,6,1,4,3,8,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513741903550853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373493914054062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121033663707115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804039068164824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429750841745342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7401638828701791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25777949919451004,0.13406529929286964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511897835302127,0.0,0.1322024783476595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632222703456837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271863469538964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025270571090317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685089540646496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,macpancakes,2019/01/02,Here We Go I took the pills. Now I wait. ,-5.271000000000001,-4.666692099999997,-1.84,117.16000000000004,120.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,29,0,10,0,2,10,9,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554031601701095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8902853260090707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dumb-stuff,2019/01/02,"i don’t think my dad likes me anymore i miss being a kid, 4 or 5, when i’d sit on my dads lap in the lazy boy and we’d watch some stupid show and i’d whine about it being a “real” show and not a cartoon. i miss before i was worried about so much and before i was so fucking sad. my dad doesn’t like me anymore but that’s completely understandable. i really hate feeling like this and i don’t want to talk to him about it because last time i said something (i’m sick with strep throat and a sinus infection) about that, he was like “let’s focus on getting better” when i say something like “i’m sorry i never do anything around the house” and stuff. my parents are separating and i feel like it’s my fault i ruined everything for them i wish i would’ve just never been born. i’m really sad right now and i just want my dad to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok.",0.29087301587301795,2.285507015873016,2.5801560846560854,93.39563095238098,84.66137566137567,5.473121693121693,18.973809523809518,6.742157984588678,0.060278095238094576,682,18,156,8,20,232,107,189,0.183,0.657,0.16,-0.6716,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,1,12,18,3,0,6,1,15,5,1,0,2,29,32,16,0,3,5,5,2,6,0,0,3,2,0,2,7,12,0,1,4,2,0,1,6,10,0,0,5,5,28,8,14,22,2,15,0,6,1,1,15,5,1,2,14,93,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732433315393209,0.0,0.0,0.11336537519466122,0.12263629169837816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397768634495477,0.0,0.23444853630910745,0.0,0.0,0.12183820547761788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443954565245126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476209932475503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931196846006882,0.19683264229540048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735761141422675,0.0719743161179548,0.0,0.07829261991831432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601023903040715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895743171197754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122934137031017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408697202354203,0.0,0.4038177200274488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127001642763117,0.0,0.21249919600554312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529670314724092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680191518798978,0.17650615282012275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764694431064128,0.13104203854814925,0.10955289309747668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121099412517797,0.0,0.1542119026441312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577031219274964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072688811625944,0.12040898446134435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827153846176161,0.0,0.0,0.08032941244924144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341381928513575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250974203913476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841808604825294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990274833918226,0.0,0.09786129799484154,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spiderbrey13,2019/01/02,"I want to kill myself tonight My live in girlfriend left me right before Christmas. My grandmother died on the same day. I’m transgender, so that just sucks in general. I’m not good looking enough to find someone else. She genuinely was the love of my life. Everything was fine. Just one day she got super panicky about the future and left out of nowhere. 
I’ve been drinking good whiskey and practicing some cuts on my upper arm so I can get the pressure right. 
I no longer have any hope for the future or desire to live. I am going to really miss my dog though, who is also going through depression bc my girlfriends dog has been his lifelong best friend. I’m gonna leave a note for my mom, so that she knows there wasn’t anything she could do. 
I’m ready to die. ",2.0360526315789467,4.449416552631583,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,80.84210526315789,5.905263157894738,23.315789473684212,7.1686216300943375,0.8560973684210529,604,21,124,8,16,188,104,152,0.198,0.654,0.14800000000000002,-0.7887,0,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,9,14,3,1,6,0,12,5,1,0,0,16,28,8,3,4,4,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,2,0,2,3,6,0,1,6,1,18,8,16,20,4,17,0,2,1,1,11,10,1,3,5,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395457096855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540627350782712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755295282831772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189478286978767,0.0,0.16266441617009714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375601269847092,0.0,0.0,0.1999261720259636,0.0,0.13350248665239736,0.0,0.32173398244864004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184237140214565,0.0,0.0,0.12948378807338462,0.0,0.0,0.1601578902330832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393052720761136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416684799578287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197537042810023,0.0,0.08098183888052142,0.0,0.1761817457596427,0.26001565615648403,0.12396878661722655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395137333364248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714860939544045,0.0,0.08518472088111205,0.0,0.0,0.1641241119481855,0.33681896933395805,0.0,0.1094820792822867,0.0,0.0,0.2737381682322981,0.0,0.13016214565892156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989482349792148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153577714835614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105032966368848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929787179689596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647407131548513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133219105024602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228809759290374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142384711763392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,santamuertevikings,2019/01/02,"Out of the hospital. I dont feel good at all. No one came to see me. No one called; texted. No one knows. I feel so alone now, more than ever. My method didn't work, and now I regret failing; I regret being alive now more than ever. ",-1.4677714285714285,0.5188582800000034,0.8837142857142872,101.44900000000004,96.2,3.6571428571428566,11.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-1.5871142857142857,174,2,43,1,7,58,36,50,0.353,0.602,0.045,-0.9425,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,11,8,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,3,2,3,6,1,6,5,3,8,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,32,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639571742516053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602396440756735,0.29149092414421945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986929763135727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610693080268875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577288451809556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376372795966087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006390053521084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180973818627514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308971223989788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855404658752085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bookcaseboss,2019/01/02,is anybody there? i just desperately want someone here to acknowledge me and say something to me. i posted here an hour ago and nobody responded and im so scared right now i just need someone to tell me they hear me and they’re listening to me,2.21387755102041,4.5794928367346985,3.644244897959183,86.39004081632655,79.81632653061223,7.185306122448982,26.126530612244892,8.238735603445708,1.858049795918368,195,8,39,4,5,64,32,49,0.13,0.843,0.027000000000000003,-0.722,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24972677009298425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31751762820195306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774363276532555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043047103495763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889096391097087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698087921318472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405863658501767,0.0,0.224034143624679,0.2820497235836058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773989491436979,0.2168809407905904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462346995666506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616508181126086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bl4zers,2019/01/02,"Verge of suicide Due to a recent loss im on the verge of suicide, i dont know what to do if you have anything to say comment it but i cant explain my problems well, ill try if anyone actually cares though...",2.921333333333333,3.263510911111112,4.944444444444446,86.33000000000004,73.22222222222223,6.8888888888888875,30.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,1.4645555555555556,161,7,36,1,3,56,35,45,0.207,0.611,0.182,-0.0806,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,7,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,6,7,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.24751825308507364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773525625592624,0.0,0.20872596459981896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586051839070821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972668344798647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739771612274624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939515033421554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270138342994585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25044112772946586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170650207091212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548869195434051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24920222826933536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220644200596347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280548489529997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reversingmemories,2019/01/02,"I have no reason to be alive Nothing makes me happy and there’s nothing to look forward to in life. I know that at some point this year I’m going to kill myself. 

I hate myself so much and I’m just happy that at some point I can be free from this body and from this life. ",0.13349999999999795,1.9179440166666664,1.879999999999999,99.395,83.83333333333334,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.334,211,3,51,0,6,69,37,60,0.242,0.672,0.086,-0.8933,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,0,9,11,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,9,9,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,2,2,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423546493188206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399971737915674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645245554432424,0.0,0.21541278370858172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138967511210346,0.0,0.1199089186991113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082214182985064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322067596253835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564036238026493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039127863022715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187093033127984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125112089097933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243307969106032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405041607990341
suicidewatch,anymelpoeh,2019/01/02,"I don't want to live but I'm scared to die Since a while now I've been battling suicidal thoughts that come across like ""everything would be better if I was dead"" and things of the sort. On the outside I have a successful life, I'm a singer songwriter, I have a beautiful girlfriend, I have friends that love me and a family that supports and cares for me. I just feel that life is so confusing and I can't manage to make sense out of it. I have had many nasty things happen to me and the people around me. I've been raped, my friends have too, I've had a friend who got killed by awful men who raped her too, I have an uncle who killed himself. And then comes the fucking outside world, everything is falling apart, news all around us just tell us things are bound to get worse and I'm just here thinking ""why the am I alive? what makes me want to stay alive?"" Honestly the first thing that comes to me is hurting the people I love and then comes the fear of the unknown, like, what if death is even more confusing than life and I just rush into it. Everything got worse since I went trough a very big earthquake and the illusion of reality just disappeared for three days. Since then these thoughts have become bigger and heavier. I go to therapy and all but I don't know, I just feel tired of being alive in this wonderfully horrible world. Being in this limbo has me constantly feeling like wanting to puke but I never end up puking. I just want to be able to live without wanting to die all the time.",3.1483388704318966,4.909565720930231,3.649786046511629,90.33998139534886,74.51495016611295,7.20802657807309,24.66458471760797,7.976525956113202,1.2058288637873755,1186,38,251,18,25,371,152,301,0.276,0.5379999999999999,0.18600000000000005,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,0,3,15,24,6,4,19,1,27,9,0,2,4,58,60,22,7,8,13,0,3,3,4,1,4,0,0,1,19,20,0,1,8,0,0,9,5,11,0,2,10,3,30,13,31,45,4,35,0,1,0,5,15,14,1,6,14,167,49,2,0.09049222403875476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111452972020646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999415518378392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003301838969372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226285339809327,0.0,0.0,0.3118041531211006,0.0,0.09778994623434126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058359998270085985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187833283345135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014925098323465,0.0,0.0,0.0597692605251065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439857279812287,0.0,0.08530801522204133,0.1018289103794338,0.13726676238329855,0.0646476629344877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697263953939071,0.0,0.0,0.2097422034500237,0.0836586029515572,0.04727845213143834,0.0,0.05142881631534565,0.0,0.14474979637156152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002197486231152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968737974381814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023247672092,0.0,0.049732159755590616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917520020347283,0.1326297891796267,0.0,0.1598125834412392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334553049457526,0.0,0.12080852445900887,0.09174491185910763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979318184734344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547182822973674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059850275891466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245683085370964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645267045178203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989838056161076,0.10268950345780736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909419241610065,0.0,0.1034857446638416,0.0,0.24047605069000905,0.05798376324817525,0.0,0.14368143561451618,0.0527667435561866,0.1040074995886262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770200700990572,0.0,0.0,0.07466556194434244,0.2668732915536853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388719828672324,0.08165515702991673,0.0,0.0,0.08723127475081421,0.09813495683019333,0.0,0.0,0.18443861452494964,0.06428307960838478,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kmmset,2019/01/02,"Looking for pointers to make sure I get it right I want to kill myself.  I have tried sitting in the running car and taking pills with no luck.  Any suggestions on something not painful and easy?

I tried reaching out for help so I'm really not interested in that stuff so thanks.  ",1.2211111111111137,3.879729907407409,2.12027777777778,91.88375000000002,92.51851851851852,4.9222222222222225,23.41666666666667,6.6274283507984215,0.8863777777777777,221,9,43,3,8,69,43,54,0.177,0.5660000000000001,0.257,0.5275,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,8,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,9,8,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944744477606808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941139526922348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916846321212434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163916369545368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014900208462825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190892144159622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043001308666289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320445395575305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422314857158564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015938450157496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273757189562478,0.0,0.0,0.26953032781635555,0.0,0.21501942462079088,0.0,0.0,0.2632895800699274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388319783426755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686768878992626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-ravioli-formuoli-,2019/01/02,"Caught between just ending it all tonight or checking into a hospital and racking up so much debt that it kills me anyway I don’t have even a trace of an idea on where to start with killing myself, it has always just been a kind of fantasy to be killed by someone else instead or to die in a more gradual, acceptable manner like finally starving myself to death or getting a disease. But tonight I really just want to do it, it’s been on my mind all day, I feel so trapped in every single corner of my life. I feel so trapped that I can’t even fully want to die because my parents literally have nothing in this world without me. They are the most wonderful people despite all the trauma they have caused me, and i think all the time about how often they have told me not to get any funny thoughts about self-harm because they would not survive without me. I’m trying to go to a hospital then but every Google search I turn just makes it not sound worth it, I don’t want thousands of dollars in debt when I already have thousands of dollars of student loan debt and my parents are poor, I don’t know what to do I want to be responsible and help myself but there’s no way out but to run this car off a freeway or something. But even then I wouldn’t know how to do that without hurting others I hate this I hate this I hate this ",6.532409066947813,5.495806081180813,6.720171323141803,81.3594557195572,65.6789667896679,9.218871903004745,34.85529783869267,7.957251820313856,2.491366684238272,1052,42,215,10,14,339,140,271,0.141,0.725,0.134,-0.5922,5,2,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,4,1,20,11,6,0,11,0,21,1,0,4,4,52,44,21,6,6,19,2,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,17,7,0,0,9,1,9,4,12,8,0,2,5,3,31,3,37,35,8,28,0,1,0,0,8,13,0,7,11,164,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412501266933824,0.0,0.09359277449620863,0.0,0.0,0.07649058720820805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371341198161457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554844270567916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725406078197974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334739709824231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396301239072737,0.0,0.09962432410841073,0.0,0.0,0.22287689938058627,0.0,0.18953932042578808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374702618116335,0.0,0.0,0.12321687377880225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753282234594145,0.0,0.06392525198000472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331535773467822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539329839252873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041268602263885,0.1269767768714415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733289752523215,0.11713111660518345,0.12363266633991607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944829329779739,0.05495228356916772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508159744550016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357322569574185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268609895683414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792805937935956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979253578969024,0.0,0.0,0.07797980597877859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205787918976121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734167737911287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530435028639853,0.0865929729783652,0.0,0.0,0.07961426651666682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207295329646803,0.0,0.08929694123415137,0.06558827559457214,0.0,0.0,0.10747992406750433,0.0,0.07636686618961062,0.12234646855633707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653756182867797,0.08928177379356872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32528152221844564,0.12198028834556565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990290962210105,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,juliefromva,2019/01/02,"Funeral this weekend, what if anything do I say to the family I don’t know where else to ask this. The internet has been no help the situation is very personal.

My coworker died of suicide his funeral is Saturday.  He texted me the day he died, he asked me to call the police to his home. It’s been very traumatic for me. The police could not tell me anything. His sister contacted me a week later using phone records from the police, I was the last person he called. She just wanted answers, I had none to give her. We weren’t close, I will never know why he chose to contact me. 

I feel I should attend his service, I feel so connected to this death. I’m struggling so much with what to say to his family, if anything. Do I introduce myself? Do I give them space? I spoke with his sister for God’s sake! She just wanted peace! What is my role here. How can I possibly express to these total strangers the impact he has had on me? The helplessness? Please if you’ve been here, what would have made you feel heard? 

Thank you ",1.0744117647058855,3.5738974607843166,2.6316156862745106,90.7290705882353,86.64705882352942,6.205176470588236,20.41490196078432,7.554174236665415,0.8727833725490202,798,25,164,15,25,260,116,204,0.161,0.7879999999999999,0.051,-0.9775,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,2,1,0,8,3,0,1,11,0,22,0,0,3,2,26,39,6,6,8,6,2,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,2,9,4,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,10,7,35,1,17,25,3,12,0,1,0,0,40,4,0,3,7,111,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336176317770979,0.0,0.2526688892819907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759790807162745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078955496760408,0.0,0.0,0.08715190379446733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28050083489952793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288925833731572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547894501682734,0.0,0.20498732049379165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592706106927339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057918985977946,0.0,0.13555299140608826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485350421859746,0.11015433557046957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786948371109322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934092307755824,0.0,0.10422564856358547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599206932119335,0.0,0.14833936581449567,0.0,0.15234617054003796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493203832740726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189915921010333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141274077311343,0.0,0.14781746675765545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811531275665567,0.12441559136660987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671460203889555,0.0,0.2230036348259674,0.15941409266779502,0.0,0.10839839981084627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193972927927813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599713734936302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadgirlwalking,2019/01/02,"i still remember all the good times i think about killing myself almost everyday. the days i don’t think about killing myself are few & far between. i am in therapy but my suicidal ideation is getting worse & worse. i do not want to die yet because i was so happy before & i want to feel that again, but i am breaking & i am afraid of what i’m going to do when the last piece falls. ",4.521481481481481,4.658181888888894,5.150222222222221,86.992,69.61728395061728,8.455308641975309,29.78024691358025,8.238735603445708,1.8457387654320976,307,11,67,4,5,99,54,81,0.237,0.629,0.134,-0.8332,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,11,17,4,4,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,12,2,8,16,3,13,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534618001848155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6642028251998573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342225045217177,0.0,0.13040791447411912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883618811685398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905351505829252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748985578740891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006891924689617,0.0,0.08709781210833374,0.12854223158872893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314179300098788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33910581430631137,0.0,0.0,0.12492251067751367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360697103778536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223888875691096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763506378324133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525936994845456,0.0,0.0,0.1963980226866216,0.0,0.0,0.08936367284140713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078642651971547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123579530766319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HyperrParadise,2019/01/02,I think it’s time to say goodbye I’ve search long and hard for my purpose and found out I’m useless. So to make the lives of all the people around me better it’s time to say goodbye. I’ve fought for too long and I know I can’t win this battle. Don’t have anyone to say this to. Bye,-0.8456043956043935,0.913907692307692,1.283736263736266,102.39769230769232,87.46153846153845,3.7142857142857135,15.439560439560445,3.1291,-1.3918131868131869,220,4,57,0,7,73,42,65,0.146,0.752,0.103,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,10,9,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,5,2,10,7,1,6,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125088126766813,0.0,0.0,0.21802706270271524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166081972748219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26853762633686123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193965264465291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345993652118605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626521339283047,0.4334857020841707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348325494285587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979383677174464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843008255184372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693220974425598,0.0,0.0,0.2856248440391264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imadethistoreport,2019/01/02,"Anyone else ever been told they were ""faking"" their depression on Reddit. It happened to me today. I've never had my feelings hurt on reddit until the interaction I had with this person. Started off minor and then got worse.

I think I bring up my depression deep down I want someone to say they care. But at the same time I wish I could turn that desire off. It'd be one less thing stopping me from finally killing myself.

",2.8796341463414663,5.262269097560979,3.9489634146341466,85.00685975609757,77.53658536585365,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.9318487804878046,334,10,61,4,8,108,65,82,0.21,0.684,0.106,-0.8939,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,1,6,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,13,18,4,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,6,2,14,1,12,9,2,18,0,3,0,0,7,8,0,0,9,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421119394006978,0.20824604400220711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072193583999061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227266423101985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35010507721081985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697830982692325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384455184677212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276555653432433,0.0,0.0,0.2226423148528014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625516598929072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797267446012492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757538826906986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224857804786854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567532092324533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772243394983472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746358372112425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162665926774986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722067807157465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438561460697277,0.0,0.0,0.1699198996795519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502534091243704,0.13022964037385,0.0,0.0,0.1185123843654215,0.0,0.1926502038023315,0.1942069974730136,0.0,0.0,0.2210695673252387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987774106923213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337189396978125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071215552001208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taylortehkitten,2019/01/02,"Life seems like just a series of goals that never end Not in immediate danger, just really needing support.

I’m 18 and lately I’ve been feeling very intimidated by the idea of just continuing to live because life seems like just a series of goals that never end. I am succeeding in all the generally “right” things; I’m a high school senior who was just accepted to a top 10 university, have had straight A’s as long as I can remember, I volunteer, and I hold leadership roles in several organizations. Every time I reach a goal, however, another one pops up. I get that that is just how things are, but I want to know when (if ever) I am going to reach a point where I can look back and be proud of all I’ve done, not feel like there’s so much more to do. 

It doesn’t help that all of the friendships I have with people (there’s a lot, thanks to the tons of things that I do and all the people that look up to me I guess) seem very superficial to the point that I am turning to reddit for support instead of any of them. On top of that, I have a horrible home life (which I won’t really go into here). 

I guess I just feel like life itself is so superficial. I’m a fake person, all the time. I constantly feel like I can do better or more. None of the things that I do feel meaningful or give me any joy anymore. Feeling burnt out mentally, even though I used to love everything that I do. 

Thanks for listening. ",5.013817401960786,4.890072697916668,6.299697712418302,80.07095588235295,68.5486111111111,10.109803921568627,28.39950980392157,9.916854025145753,2.3652730392156864,1099,33,237,24,17,373,145,288,0.044,0.721,0.236,0.9942,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,8,20,17,1,0,18,0,24,5,0,2,8,51,55,15,0,3,13,0,6,5,0,1,4,1,1,1,19,7,0,1,14,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,4,9,25,15,34,49,11,32,0,0,2,1,8,16,0,9,19,164,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100821153678205,0.10100485691503812,0.0,0.0,0.0955282288844244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406775605465712,0.0,0.05871864903089725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519137805973144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040927912967904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857362133429172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063020436066234,0.0,0.0,0.06362156235257811,0.08713121469363891,0.08115772244396817,0.0,0.08657043810101718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922280050039148,0.2064431757495448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032568520653158,0.09240343882779198,0.1094871047484896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122250551424957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456442253069954,0.10177234448069628,0.0966215377504622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873887266254058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052937541388681036,0.0,0.1086584682457654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27214796472309577,0.2352969382579869,0.0,0.085056483490058,0.0852443369972898,0.1617769924415285,0.0,0.0,0.08189182365442133,0.08693681134811941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707265164907852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080974495464325,0.07142355177911741,0.1485831088313493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527211625294754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355885070481965,0.08410702116642205,0.0,0.0,0.18211597128778775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341615124600736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911711880569328,0.08226077584654824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748574883256746,0.0,0.2630711942536945,0.0,0.10881950431772458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218616278327614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736570227302345,0.0,0.0,0.2559754281525618,0.0,0.09463853829584322,0.0,0.11233542579608294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477362390863493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319362199206191,0.0,0.15895594702353236,0.05681480951797435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Korinta,2019/01/02,I want the pain to stop I don't mind staying alive until I'm 80 years old or something. So if for some reason I stop feeling like a useless piece of shit I'm totally fine with that. But that will never happen. So I want to die.,1.4934000000000012,2.6468861399999994,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,77.6,5.8000000000000025,22.5,5.985473137389443,0.2176,177,5,41,1,4,60,39,50,0.34600000000000003,0.507,0.147,-0.9294,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,2,14,8,6,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,6,7,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,7,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666115274187914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989143184525825,0.1835224498242832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716720450344605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550360278601969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593859268269391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812960178678207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695631095049976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27334934391104315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641259676166786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636941556097064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977666691695935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27381083197614225,0.0,0.4295435126847728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030410569256605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654289020334694
suicidewatch,EIrvine88,2019/01/02,This is goodbye. I wish you all the best. My hope is to see you all in the afterlife someday. ,-1.3761666666666663,0.6345750499999987,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,98.5,4.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.37316666666666665,71,3,17,1,3,24,16,20,0.0,0.62,0.38,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217789254473095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4938300830660252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962026606936232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5717534903062222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lonelywolfcipher,2019/01/02,"I just can’t hold it anymore Yes, new year, new me, but yet it’s just a continuation to all the same burdens and weight that have crushed me for years. It’s just managed to compress onto me and suffocate me. Nights like this where I just end up letting the tears fall, my gun close by so that when I get the courage, I can just finish it. 
I’m so angry, so frustrated, lonely and sad. I just don’t know what to do anymore. ",2.179502407704657,3.409538314606745,3.555088282504016,92.21988764044943,75.96629213483146,6.434028892455858,25.07383627608347,6.868970318607317,0.713749919743178,326,11,76,3,7,107,59,89,0.299,0.615,0.086,-0.9782,0,2,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,12,6,1,0,4,1,6,1,0,0,1,15,9,8,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,10,2,7,8,2,15,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,11,53,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239388876778295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396173183825916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380093812931243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451719396218539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701150074252113,0.0,0.1290521320708681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102424887457786,0.0,0.2478903093338255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32166798627323434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34021258417515543
suicidewatch,ThePhantomHorse,2019/01/02,"My GF [17F] broke down in front of me [16M] and I don’t know what to do 
Okay so we had just seen a movie and we were at her house cuddling, when she stopped talking and after a couple seconds I looked over and she was crying. She said that she, “felt like it was all falling to pieces” and that “felt like the real her was gone” she told me that she had attempted suicide a while ago, and I have also attempted suicide so I know what it feels like to give in to those thoughts. I don’t know what to do and I’m really scared

TL:DR My girlfriend had a breakdown in front of me and told me she had attempted suicide.",0.6147974163241301,2.4933554122137416,2.121679389312977,97.79928948913685,82.66412213740458,5.252143276570758,20.763945977686433,6.297961479604792,-0.03387891955372835,473,14,113,4,13,153,71,131,0.18600000000000005,0.747,0.067,-0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,2,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,5,1,13,1,0,0,1,21,28,13,3,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,1,7,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,16,6,22,4,14,12,2,15,0,1,2,1,18,6,0,0,8,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744936851403756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330211311499932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840507915603804,0.18271543377569316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410592864056125,0.11883251920150127,0.3194227938105118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956739735649828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919327184338296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742464720686279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243794303675766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968275403778846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933004587160784,0.10656093699490256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582263529095621,0.0,0.1665342230489605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906674024858073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5458431649772207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336968797934524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205447947796387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178878297711996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Striccly,2019/01/02,"I (16f) really regret not killing myself the first time I attempted it I remember when I was 12 years old, I attempted suicide because of my bullying, abuse and social isolation. I couldn't do it, and for a while, I was happy that I didn't. Boy, do I regret not doing so now. While the problems of the past have gone, illness has come in and replaced it. I'm always in pain. Its impossible to pinpoint a single issue. I decided to stop going to doctors because at this point I fear the diagnoses. (It seems counter-intuitive, but if I'm naive about my pain, then I'll never have to accept another disorder or illness.) I guess it wouldn't matter anyways, because I just want to die. But I know that I still can't do it; if I wasn't able to as a child, why would I be able to now? It's been 4 years, and if anything, I've grown to fear death even more than I did as a child. So, now, I'm stuck in this miserable state of limbo, not living, not dying, just stuck in one place. I need death, and I know my pain is only going to get worse as I get older. There is no hope for me. And I need to die. I've already made an attempt today, but I failed, yet again. Really, why did I expect it to be any different? God, I'd give up an arm and a leg if I could have someone to kill me so I wouldn't have to. But I know that I can't find the courage to die, and I can't find a person to do it for me. So, I'm stuck. I've never been more miserable in my entire life. I'm going to make another attempt tonight, and the next night, and the next night, until I get it right. I'm just praying that I can get it right, or that I'm suddenly stricken with a heart attack right here and now so that I may be free from these illnesses. Here's to hoping. I doubt this will be the last post I'll ever make, but God I hope it is.",2.151580197296312,2.8027531304347875,4.251467848008769,89.45357736572892,75.24040920716112,7.529448301059554,23.93871026671539,7.83500028581142,0.975762075264889,1378,39,325,19,28,477,173,391,0.292,0.638,0.07,-0.9985,1,1,0,0,1,4,60.0,0,0,0,6,23,22,3,5,17,0,36,12,3,3,3,66,70,35,9,19,18,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,4,23,13,0,1,9,0,1,6,15,15,0,2,13,0,42,8,38,46,3,51,1,5,0,0,6,12,0,13,31,215,65,2,0.17011669127992204,0.10078023073974553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386399952345006,0.0,0.0707753574544496,0.0,0.0,0.057842591810129275,0.17838218355455526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999577102094584,0.0,0.0,0.09676614758692538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555233405729735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327023318818983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679121677329317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633243036045063,0.3531085351735174,0.08886786744773374,0.09748423321287217,0.0870608209932106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618023509083096,0.07694014331353399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142857294534196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548357390613324,0.07235058534927483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775789977251494,0.08159571573828553,0.145021853992603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370135728509682,0.0,0.0,0.09054619058724883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007945491233206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534463884358492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877881399614485,0.0,0.0,0.18820891401651785,0.0,0.14023752688743168,0.06933390428273206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007922499963225,0.0,0.0,0.0751080775412175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048426326928923,0.11355421240710467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613937104329387,0.1312044796764326,0.0,0.18092103110798186,0.15964299074549654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925442539531707,0.0,0.05763773633292494,0.0646907047350397,0.27152423046056395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119781546576632,0.0,0.07426966655947911,0.08886786744773374,0.0,0.08040762991674896,0.0,0.08146238282467562,0.0,0.0,0.0813893493969461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898110852075417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963545244765522,0.217918087276866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774339233025731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670627172989315,0.07206966023597444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792770470241713,0.0711125856156046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304002460197963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959820536375743,0.0,0.08062536605537796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501696160441938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535038539214474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668172094488498,0.06042300829946937,0.0,0.0,0.10954957168945824
suicidewatch,throwaway101937472,2019/01/02,"Just want to talk I'm not feeling very well, I'd appreciate it if someone would distract me for a little while, thank you ",9.3448,5.8295266800000025,9.264,73.17200000000003,62.2,11.6,41.0,8.841846274778883,3.5382,97,4,20,1,1,32,24,25,0.199,0.57,0.231,0.2227,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097075419749151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156834638375986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514121064799608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333563339039009,0.0,0.3818414883320175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422080741250645,0.2446273563335137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729055785993292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946229600201971,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcflaggarty,2019/01/02,"I think ive had enough I'm thinking ive had enough. I'm watching my parents slowly die. My brother is obese and most likely wont live long. They are all I have, they are all i WANT. Ive had friends, its too much work to keep relationships going when all you want to do is die. Ive had plenty of girlfriends. Same thing as before but now with a touch of ""I need you. I always want to be around you"". I was with a woman for 3 years feeling completely hollow just for the sake of hoping that, maybe, that was what i needed to be happy. It wasn't. Just more stress and anxiety. Yeah, sex is fun. I bet its a whole lot more fun when you're not constantly feeling like jumping off a cliff.

People tell me to find something to live for. I dont want to. People tell me i need to work hard day in and day out to be happy. I dont want to. I know things can get ""better"" i dont want to work for it. Its just not worth it. I'm going to die alone with a lifetime worth of regret. Why put it off?

I had someone say its selfish. That suicide is a dick move that would make me a ""jerk"". Well, fuck you if you think so. The hurt I would cause is nothing. 2 or 3 years of grief. I would give the world to only feel like this for a few years. Its been 23. 

Some people just arent meant to live in this cruel unfeeling world. ""A sigh and a smile to get through the work day!"". Fuck that. I hate my boss, i hate my job. I hate my life.

 I'm eyeing my shotgun and i think it would be a decent way to go. I used to be scared of it. I dont feel much of anything now. Just sad.",-1.069615907302769,0.8677788240469226,1.1492597096058963,101.63657249123811,90.6715542521994,3.913339532222302,15.061941205922325,5.124077535175187,-1.1835056004577642,1173,23,298,5,41,390,157,341,0.238,0.634,0.128,-0.9949,3,1,1,1,0,2,53.0,0,5,2,5,13,26,7,2,15,1,38,7,2,4,3,59,76,12,5,16,10,2,6,3,2,5,2,1,0,1,21,10,1,1,11,0,3,6,9,14,2,0,10,9,42,11,40,56,15,27,0,4,2,4,17,8,3,7,15,189,63,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025567304103992,0.0,0.0,0.06447740780583087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059279196792775976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376719292030006,0.06898201552575069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593779193617877,0.0,0.0,0.06853309787414087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796029832619671,0.0,0.0,0.08124618612274571,0.08373853805878845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499228026326773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412653624189264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36326810839135776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013457717356636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567239230434501,0.11071691910083588,0.0,0.0,0.07082392913597021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059868136287566265,0.14327544654572916,0.08097005092285756,0.07433491582507476,0.13211707516499244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497786420975502,0.06941530288038762,0.2295142887278127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696448185660551,0.0,0.0,0.08295403040959817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689629589690013,0.06887615992983802,0.0,0.0,0.04258616056971315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054733071372372384,0.11357225437400888,0.0,0.20527374156692105,0.06857570124708376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658787367151792,0.0,0.0,0.051724791825707134,0.0,0.07784854107812175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235899378561468,0.11392728447277843,0.17237227672846214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435319164063027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893419829256567,0.0,0.0,0.08604283441568931,0.0,0.0,0.161164228043596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778982732257619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831946411099239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162269967464275,0.07758043094907048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565653697267837,0.0596551439136097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876387267977648,0.0,0.0,0.08476085214246032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354583430487433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296105938475726,0.1986083744810972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692598204584356,0.0,0.0,0.2742316175704517,0.061507497448417575,0.0,0.0,0.06967229773007566,0.0,0.06992215189750063,0.08651417390415593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256528924797337,0.0,0.0,0.22018505237433075,0.0,0.0,0.1497019442110475
suicidewatch,friendlydark,2019/01/02,"it’s been 4 years, i’ve never asked for help from anyone. this is what i think i’m gonna send to my pops. “hey dad, i need help. i’ve been stuck in a depression for awhile but recently i’ve been in a really dark spot. it seems like i often feel this way during the winter, and that’s why i always failed at school during this time of year. i couldn’t get myself out of bed today and i don’t really know what to do, as i’m older now and i have real responsibilities, when before, i would usually just let it pass. i would appreciate if this was just kept between you and me. “

i don’t really know how to tell him, so this was all i could come up with. 

this is the most effort i can give. i’m surprised i’ve gotten this far honestly. ",1.4517997097242414,2.7109005660377403,3.800125786163523,89.60190130624098,77.93081761006289,7.15645863570392,17.262215771649732,7.882392219407189,0.16199719400096768,566,8,134,9,13,197,100,159,0.079,0.8320000000000001,0.09,0.5562,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,0,17,0,0,1,2,28,34,10,0,6,4,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,8,1,17,3,16,20,2,21,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,4,12,83,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562791794580666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132634088361692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558397946569407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981883220390342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178811853717612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149956965676249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176691032705512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496615530992474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812687536236307,0.1801716298088611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517801801013785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643913757036556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205608646865235,0.0,0.09175812803673657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926427299706445,0.14485641021489715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377739752352254,0.3609620388074045,0.0,0.18544709158339467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008130512365976,0.0,0.17098196930666554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416074577747292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034585001802517,0.0,0.0,0.1095178762160159,0.0,0.17802899912939354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685440679790526,0.0,0.0,0.14908076423768005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694760520986003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684028161938605,0.0,0.0,0.24189658363265296
suicidewatch,ThisYoungRudiger,2019/01/02,"I don't want to do it anymore I guess I'm in a different place than someone who feels they can't go on anymore. I probably could. I just don't want to. Life just feels like a long miserable slog. I can't hold on to any of the ties to people that give me a smile or give me hope. I'm just left alone trudging along and I want to pull off to the side of the road and just stop. This journey that is my life just feels over.

""Fidelity, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed."" \~Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

​",1.5458307210031352,3.493635275862072,2.560658307210033,95.48653605015673,79.86206896551724,6.287147335423198,23.476489028213173,7.348242739294969,0.7472517241379308,436,15,100,6,11,138,72,116,0.099,0.79,0.11,0.4997,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,8,0,9,2,0,0,0,20,22,3,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,3,10,2,18,20,0,14,1,1,0,0,5,9,0,3,3,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360127438798732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920751263695447,0.21540599188270526,0.12055165928378148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35161418861824395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153799561121536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852124626953418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689035326806236,0.12664380393913252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34011266144459085,0.10074828129305377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528609877890635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760720010940276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260753786370516,0.0,0.25042620102375823,0.08660659052941848,0.0,0.0,0.15688094889661058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289871661960965,0.0,0.1852124626953418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911301823594148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020276328530008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820809240466756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313680469900659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540599188270526,0.0
suicidewatch,doesitevenmatter555,2019/01/02,Im going to end it all in an hour I've got everything laid out. What's the point even trying to make an effort living. It's all too much. It'll be better if I go. Goodnight. ,-2.3181666666666665,-0.5413951499999996,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,100.5,3.6666666666666674,11.666666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.3258333333333336,134,2,33,1,6,48,32,40,0.0,0.919,0.081,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796897964750864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280095992206365,0.0,0.0,0.20887444517382053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842173558485678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594545215864544,0.0,0.2529271162174843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114340516999151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415949515233773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792469273069048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109357299178705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324737973006019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29895031694774665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147071345125829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tatceel,2019/01/02,"Am I an attention whore for wanting to feel validated for my abusive and troubling pass? Makes me feel worthless when I go dismissed.

Makes me wish my father didn't give me a traumatic brain injury, so I could better articulate myself and get the help that I need.

It hurts because I've been asking since I was a 3rd grader in 2000. The triggering brings me back to being a child with no agency begging for help. No body cared when I tried to commit suicide when I was 10 just like nobody cares to validate me now. 

In a perfect world, I would say my rap about being abused and then people would message me about how my experience helped them but I think the problem is maybe my experience doesn't help people and that's why everyone wants to silence my story.

I don't know. Just wish people cared.",5.572307692307692,6.274275717948723,6.000410256410259,79.82792307692307,67.46153846153847,8.547692307692307,29.06153846153846,8.548686976883017,2.0802430769230766,636,21,120,9,10,205,101,156,0.14800000000000002,0.6559999999999999,0.196,0.7342,0,0,0,0,1,2,11.0,0,0,1,2,11,11,0,0,8,0,13,3,2,4,2,28,32,11,1,9,3,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,3,24,6,13,23,0,12,0,2,0,1,11,3,0,0,7,78,27,0,0.0,0.3102369795693329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239228879908652,0.0,0.0,0.10066920278592152,0.0,0.07980746145792109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157878754579601,0.0,0.1454223230587902,0.0,0.1461497332874,0.0,0.0,0.4004442164096919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452876342324914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250994268824953,0.0,0.2561292644684775,0.0,0.0,0.13239391363836994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684001632999145,0.12559014903336735,0.0744047081852705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510109818746284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015229487279027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195006805812587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396077444257978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747798929213068,0.0,0.13152648075957782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707533211127496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722898007508771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527251495993855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411263603484464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829816603146103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320495200151928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388808635047224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888591312301558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544397153435524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813470668623068,0.0,0.3011024915499625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600326129167435,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cassandranichole,2019/01/02,So close and nothing matters anymore I know its stupid to care this much about someone but because I screwed up a friendship as bad as I have I dont want to continue my life I just want to shoot myself for how crappy I feel mixed with my depressive state I cant live anymore ,2.4489473684210523,4.297982315789476,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,76.71929824561403,5.963508771929827,28.94385964912281,6.742157984588678,1.3465185964912283,220,10,46,2,5,70,44,57,0.386,0.527,0.087,-0.9607,0,0,0,1,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,11,8,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,10,1,9,8,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5385413740250897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670432810638436,0.16551349427955506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27682842477476194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385613626618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31821446222983923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372865322823605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921796734796713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177961919171035,0.0,0.0,0.2397534007664765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995953331678348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605267057190229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300544322170556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32029407370047475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hurting123123,2019/01/02,"I do everything to get help but nobody does anything My friends, medical professionals ignore me. I go to the suicide chatline and their site is broken. I'm sick of hearing how there's hope when the resources that you get directed too won't even acknowledge anything.",4.424693877551022,7.339422897959187,4.848326530612244,77.75738775510206,75.12244897959185,8.001632653061224,34.289795918367346,8.841846274778883,3.5786620408163263,218,12,35,5,5,69,43,49,0.279,0.57,0.152,-0.882,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,6,9,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,22,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822421391255795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564137554416716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935293829299558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26333719019377205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263776778198647,0.0,0.30616974633766103,0.0,0.16652351056185588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302419295003814,0.0,0.19639745378068169,0.0,0.0,0.29102360216491274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951752866656288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205037949716188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irrelevant_6,2019/01/02,"Transgender girl seeking support from strangers I’m a 24 year old, jobless college student who’s medically transitioning from male to female and I’m having one of those days where I can’t think of anything but killing myself. I have no friends or anyone close to talk to in real life so it’s difficult for me at the moment. I’m going a bit crazy having to adjust to my new life and dealing with this on my own. For everyone else suffering right now, for whatever reason, I’m sorry. I wish I could hug you.",3.021111111111111,5.0821097029703,4.55894389438944,82.36523652365237,75.73267326732673,7.261166116611661,28.05390539053905,8.167268648758528,2.0649199119912,404,17,76,7,9,135,77,101,0.188,0.69,0.121,-0.8209,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,3,0,5,4,0,1,0,12,13,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,9,3,16,12,2,13,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,6,47,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857232135983026,0.0,0.17485454194270553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319752593501641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964954893809947,0.0,0.0,0.13703328091122588,0.21905956256395925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750140589102528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303561094562494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641630291082383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075839002697444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23507979817840985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30016457321228274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140532125056992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052163933970924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229640654174289,0.0,0.14398326981914628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418509797092446,0.0,0.21846683557801533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145842611179333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237856149222382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411220012181005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078494442473766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614985526053386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24434375861097904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368314106579932
suicidewatch,goodvinesonly,2019/01/02,"Value of My Living I was doing well for a while and during those good days, I wanted a way to objectively see whether it makes sense to continue living. I came up with a list of aspects in life and assigned them a value of +1, 0, or - 1. the aspects that were going well got +1, things that were neutral/turned out not to matter as much as I thought got 0, and things that I feasibly couldn't imagine improving got -1.
Everything totalled up to -1.

My life is actually worth /less/ than nothing. I wanted to calculate everything like this and then make a decision. Knowing that this experience is worth less nothing according my own values and priorities, I still haven't chosen whether I will keep living. I'm doing worse as of this past week, so I'm waiting to come out of the funk, clear my head, and decide. ",5.518670886075952,6.106487069620258,6.330227848101269,77.81951898734178,67.54430379746836,9.357974683544304,31.622784810126586,9.3871,2.784354936708861,639,25,121,12,10,211,96,158,0.041,0.809,0.15,0.9324,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,10,3,1,2,2,30,27,15,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,2,5,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,8,1,13,4,22,17,5,16,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,8,84,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.1462995615531266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146768266338105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914215882162594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668551351845647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26947550948473525,0.14664979341276935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520256447033374,0.12574515374136844,0.3597123580035315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386040185228775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325511746825336,0.0,0.0,0.0823916988841972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178479934286107,0.07324297266843137,0.0,0.3971443322843836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014452657572146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020789842758373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28770312678014137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311488751395546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946623186565775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972570643438385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919937576293248,0.0,0.0,0.11901913808468376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306909323016172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685251544261776,0.11899892221076752,0.12025617908482185,0.0,0.269590820038802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278052335993605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YeetMeToHelll,2019/01/02,"Convince me of a reason I should live. The only reason I’m alive, and I’m sure this is the same for a lot of you, is my basic instinct to survive. I hate it. 
Existence is not worth it. 
I’d rather not be here. ",-1.6797163120567369,0.18840404255319146,1.5245744680851097,98.0841666666667,93.6808510638298,3.9843971631205686,16.343971631205672,5.46131890053228,-0.7631390070921991,158,4,39,1,6,56,34,47,0.114,0.74,0.146,0.1366,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,2,1,10,8,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34535795865583363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088823826444673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29738992927487834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26604087959172223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7193113124566695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296851076538973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,milomilo11879,2019/01/02,"Not a joke!!! Why is it that some of you people take these types of things , suicide is not a joke, especially seeing as how y'all egg it on like they are makeing it up, so how about you puss off and actually do some good in this community ",4.236133333333335,4.061810880000003,5.778000000000002,83.32233333333336,70.2,9.066666666666668,26.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,1.5574666666666674,184,5,43,3,3,63,40,50,0.162,0.743,0.095,-0.5792,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,3,0,8,7,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,8,7,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,1,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.3835574738489155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296694330848597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920230606001315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26236212946610243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724895133830429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132078156502256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299299596679107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29552265950197976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611231658823738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35466405994432915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,membershark3,2019/01/02,"I think my best friend is going to kill himself Hes been dealing with depression for years now ever since his mom died. His step mom doesn't treat him the best and he legitimately believes his family hates him. He has exclaimed that he feels like an obligation to them more than anything, despite his dad talking to him about it. He has less than no self confidence when it comes to every aspect of his life. He believes that everyone in our friend group sees him as the least important when I would argue the exact opposite. He is on meds that have seemed to help but about once a month or so he will have a complete and utter breakdown where no matter what you say, nothing gets through. For example, he is planning on asking a classmate of ours out in the near future, and had a breakdown over the possibility of her rejecting him. He isn't afraid of being rejected, but that she wont want to be friends with him at all afterwards because he ""isnt anything special and she would have no reason to go out with him"". He has acknowledged that he knows it's ridiculous, but he still feels the same way. He overreacts to every small negative thing that happens in his life and blows it way out of proportion. Nothing me or anyone else has said to him gets through, and I dont necessarily mean pointing out how hes wrong but rather trying to understand where he is coming from better. He continues to believe what he wants to believe. Being supportive doesn't help. He cant get a therapist in the area because they've all either been booked or didn't take his insurance. We've all told him to try an online therapist and he continuously claims that they wouldnt be able to help him. 

He told me earlier this year that he would never kill himself because he knows the pain it would bring his family. But being home for winter break has now made him feel unloved and he has made it clear he just wants to go back to school so he doesn't have to be home. If he doesn't feel loved anymore, then theres nothing stopping him. 

I dont know what to do anymore. I cant seem to help him.",6.866035476718402,6.303083053658536,6.787937915742796,79.589822616408,64.8048780487805,10.08869179600887,33.026607538802665,9.457814108942452,2.749731707317073,1652,59,330,27,22,525,201,410,0.152,0.757,0.091,-0.9843,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,1,2,4,17,23,5,1,15,0,44,4,0,4,7,64,80,24,3,10,12,3,4,1,3,7,3,2,2,1,19,17,0,1,14,1,0,7,18,12,0,0,9,7,41,11,51,58,10,46,0,3,1,1,80,18,0,6,19,216,60,2,0.0772106542274253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314444374382646,0.05398748467294545,0.07911143958897711,0.12707557931014474,0.0,0.07218153903046486,0.0,0.0,0.059370227171632164,0.0,0.14120069452096673,0.0,0.0,0.3479598688749115,0.16205563618573107,0.06828654920689521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330202838367534,0.0809539019632854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796007942000254,0.06650142334820149,0.0,0.08013246909785418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098062343919089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449959415225863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984145714208302,0.13010661250963326,0.07377808890420078,0.0,0.0,0.14557466646672562,0.0,0.15616010679188014,0.055159306807490815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895827978039958,0.0,0.12101814024479125,0.0,0.13164178235301216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827712654121079,0.0,0.0,0.07622953607846479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701069599161204,0.0,0.15489716312410645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084429838500725,0.0,0.1272988689910253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907233694230166,0.03772122559473118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968562994545645,0.14611717581101555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410503753257363,0.08576363095063942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085637012021613,0.0616288075717217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059549616426039224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225711534222367,0.0,0.0,0.0822268268690538,0.0,0.0,0.0821575798538654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298902493387041,0.08704341152744681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938541196209571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344501323219102,0.06140101125039023,0.0,0.07814130415825242,0.06152689492215626,0.14057935955855447,0.0805475513771942,0.0,0.0,0.06386945104981165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061660528203089864,0.06455156419836455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761773542963378,0.0,0.0,0.0580528029945455,0.062058999180403585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929504113739092,0.051295327850079515,0.04947346959935937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755617780840155,0.0,0.10484193195993803,0.0,0.0,0.08037901403072006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366225329672205,0.12257244693119755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193929339250816,0.08441772966612934,0.0,0.09944225974345176
suicidewatch,DoNotPayTheFerryman,2019/01/02,"My family is the only thing stopping me tonight My sister shouldn't have to bear the pain of her older sister ending her life without warning. 

Please God help me. ",3.6402150537634412,6.183023129032258,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,75.7741935483871,5.423655913978496,23.23655913978495,6.42735559955562,0.8298301075268815,131,4,22,1,3,41,26,31,0.232,0.642,0.127,-0.4479,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32114026604697404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418102897814507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430312488503147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561025761024829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27576015057834324,0.3858130931594647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39800644478460495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031350083090483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088354522698255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34951636400136704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spaghetti_incarnate,2019/01/02,"I have wanted to kill myself for two months It started in November, got a little bit better by early December, and by the time December was ending I thought was doing fine. But now it’s all back and I just want to die. Very few things give me happiness and my family is so rude they make it all worse. I desperately need help but I don’t know how to get it and I’m scared I will do something drastic.",1.4264285714285734,3.3608028333333344,3.5359523809523807,88.4132142857143,80.19047619047619,7.057142857142857,21.214285714285715,8.07648339933343,1.0052428571428575,314,9,68,6,8,107,64,84,0.17800000000000002,0.725,0.098,-0.8369,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,2,1,2,0,8,0,0,2,2,16,19,8,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,10,3,7,14,4,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996752490003586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549353784865114,0.2413204314812763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940652386788665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577745467925226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837856722333806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548523418396033,0.2120434670414747,0.0,0.0,0.17678734580371924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353031406832759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815968079342284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445500373094209,0.0,0.12147881025972546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154198568457306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754713944293946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643348163759706,0.0,0.0,0.1638997178003861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213014351388227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701688015907188,0.0,0.0,0.15645454656061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685037145654925,0.0,0.0,0.17548252419199084,0.1288912699546494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592575147105472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238266097729489,0.2607523993115469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22526051119189835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spinachcakes,2019/01/02,"Just had it with this year. Struggling with BPD and a boyfriend that acts like an asshole all the time.

For some reason my SSI payments have been screwed with so I'm wondering where my check is.

Financial Aid was supposed to come today and that would have saved my ass from SSI not coming yet. But nothing has come.

I spent all day doing laundry and apparently did everything but the one fucking blanket my boyfriend says ""That's the only thing I wanted washed. Fuck today"". 

Just thought this year was going to be fine, but starting Dec.31.18 when I didn't get my direct deposit I knew it was going to be shit.

How am I supposed to pay my rent now or get my books when college starts in less than 2 weeks. I'm so over everything.",3.565955710955709,5.482458363636365,3.5805769230769258,90.61650641025645,73.75524475524475,6.165268065268066,27.301282051282055,6.816661863887847,1.1368372960372959,578,22,116,5,12,176,97,143,0.12,0.84,0.04,-0.9127,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,4,1,5,0,16,6,2,2,2,27,34,12,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,9,0,0,4,1,5,6,2,5,0,1,10,1,12,3,12,21,4,22,0,0,0,4,1,3,5,3,14,76,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262368666504464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362720997626609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108875346837975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034502118447139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31214392331467794,0.17640363352825586,0.0,0.19188932075996493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824772374115544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619879575267412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143972350087772,0.12839570433008712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357573531031711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342529491649209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732919612940689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23898423629936685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648798817707312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215693197904636,0.0,0.0,0.13402473098364584,0.09844067300349893,0.0,0.320044454731198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957478766613642,0.0,0.13541773457892714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307878304536584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992533919870756,0.0,0.0,0.21742991475726944
suicidewatch,BiscuitsAre4Birds,2019/01/02,I'm so done   I'm so fucking done right now.  I keep spamming this subreddit so everybody here probably hates me already.  Every time I try to be social I end up getting super depressed and suicidal.  I'm so fucking tired of everyone.  There's no point in me being alive.  I'm bored and alone all day.  At night my dreams are only nightmares.  I'm anorexic and it's becoming so hard to eat.  I realized that I need to gain more weight but my anorexia just wants me to starve.  Nobody cares about me.  Even my 'friends' pass by me without a second glance.  Nobody even cares that I'm suffering.  I just want to die.,0.5406417112299451,3.0271775123966966,2.301584832280021,91.23868740884785,92.05785123966942,5.491686922702963,22.820126397666503,7.048011613610866,1.0636656295576086,473,19,95,8,17,155,81,121,0.226,0.643,0.131,-0.8961,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,13,10,3,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,13,21,9,2,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,2,3,14,4,12,17,2,11,0,2,1,2,2,5,2,0,5,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562619342197704,0.17647282279542426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661619952151755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260928857823202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031334906152862,0.0,0.13773661862034076,0.0,0.16596900907589188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273020359488237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363541926212954,0.0,0.0,0.14163934662655134,0.0,0.0,0.2112478633368398,0.0,0.13473730309043427,0.1528079247376037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355178325533672,0.2956821109713739,0.08355023892627968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325457560405785,0.15788532049109846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214192909289894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857672263415647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007164279912868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162438561299185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511736288432229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241800013513076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656858218689955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630156460829118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492367529432934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324911947676733,0.18380152160218968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857341445291216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864684664687864,0.0,0.0,0.1947363060122851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541546628263684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HumanNumber57,2019/01/02,I cant take this anymore We have bed bugs. We may have to put my dog down because hes vicious. My uncle is unstable and threatening to hurt our family. My boyfriend is angry with me because i did something stupid. Plus i have the fucking flu... I am so tired and have to try to act normal in public. Im at my wits end and i literally just want to end it all. This has easily been the worst week of my life.  ,-0.5302821316614441,1.6122222413793104,2.142821316614423,93.78658307210031,90.95402298850577,5.462486938349008,19.40334378265413,6.980632752743323,0.3440666666666665,313,10,72,5,11,108,63,87,0.266,0.6970000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.974,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,3,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,0,13,4,0,0,1,12,16,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,15,0,11,13,2,8,0,1,0,1,5,3,1,1,3,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474329652589113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041808607859807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419587583767762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520260030257184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306550082154851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670906010336747,0.0,0.26949846631831986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622638534962015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445308212047195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508123657478952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207419053616973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875899227602352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867589204899589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693913894239224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715919005114833,0.0,0.2001306214783267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-rate,2019/01/02,"thinking about suicide makes me feel warm and safe. i haven’t felt safe since he raped me. since being brutally raped in august i haven’t felt anything except grief. i used to smile at strangers and say thank you to cashiers. i don’t do that anymore. my chest is always hollow. ive been bathing in the dark. i’ve been abusing my ativan to get a good nights sleep. 

i complied with the police investigation, by the way. was a perfect victim. let the nurses poke and prod and scrape out his semen. let them document the broken blood vessels on my neck and the lacerations in my vagina from
the belt he forced inside. the slap marks on my face. it didn’t matter; he spoke to the detectives and said i consented. because anyone would consent to that. the county prosecutor didn’t feel comfortable continuing on with my case and so my rape kit is sitting somewhere collecting dust. he will never see a courtroom. 

i hate my live-in boyfriend. i hate that he’s a man. sometimes when he’s inside me i think about the rape in a very factual manner; just letting scenes of it play in my head. it sort of feels like self harm. i usually vomit after sex. i used to love my boyfriend so much before being raped by someone else. now i barely let him touch me and sleep as far away from his body as possible. he doesn’t really notice. 

therapy isn’t working. something about paying $89 to mull over the details of my assault for an hour and ten minutes, i guess. i resent my therapist. how could she understand. nobody could understand. i want to grow my nails long and sharp so i can tear myself open. 

i’m underperforming at work. something about obsessing over what someone did to your body makes it hard to file paperwork correctly. if they fired me i would understand. that might be the push i need to finally do it. 

when i walk my dogs by the river i think a lot about setting them free and walking into the middle where ice turns into water with armfuls of rocks. when i drive to and from work i pick out large barriers or overpasses that might kill me if i tested them. i wish i didn’t buy such a safe car. 

i just want to sleep forever. get rid of this body that had such horrible things done do it. kill myself so no man can ever rape me again. what is keeping me from swallowing all 90 of my brand new ativan prescription? frankly, nothing. i crave peace. i want everything to be quiet. 

thank you for reading. ",2.4962695451314865,4.941217441364607,3.4675333155650314,87.60502420931059,79.2771855010661,6.5522565742715,23.630108386638238,7.720077496677588,1.2554850390902628,1896,65,370,31,48,606,257,469,0.16699999999999998,0.722,0.111,-0.9906,0,0,2,0,0,3,53.0,0,3,4,4,22,30,14,1,23,0,38,25,13,6,6,69,72,25,4,11,6,0,10,1,0,5,2,4,1,3,16,20,2,5,11,4,3,6,10,17,0,1,13,15,65,14,58,44,3,46,0,1,1,9,25,21,0,8,17,236,81,6,0.0,0.09963459683454437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997080830272226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339610504393799,0.05879868485956024,0.0,0.0692000839311894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900666899792617,0.0,0.0,0.05126135677176007,0.0,0.0715556154702286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28021987350738803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428033261213962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605473141663482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024760151548061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606551506348913,0.0,0.0,0.07557595732573348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755746488073158,0.060074936213332215,0.16148192508409293,0.0921180539977106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786860551910361,0.0,0.0,0.0705319039288339,0.0,0.0,0.092636193501672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753294063208256,0.1660457602728165,0.08630207017137037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281312212894427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474432901507731,0.18606942186041014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439567485897875,0.0,0.04108282631979061,0.0,0.07425427556483682,0.07441827160040584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149152881277054,0.07589580102175336,0.0,0.1122633684106473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841544214544103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181687860576175,0.06235273171440112,0.06485649685207569,0.08121602956009005,0.0,0.07891411293482722,0.0,0.08068799748664261,0.09573865330821324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480045522602652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411418888219699,0.0,0.05387112497334658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799902090958116,0.06687288234377074,0.0,0.0,0.06700998438491926,0.0,0.08772570380576107,0.0,0.0,0.1391226039583553,0.0,0.25245648711956986,0.0,0.14250079581891698,0.12947538621963692,0.08316857700064327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198237861384896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484018609670488,0.09616588175769812,0.09763663453283984,0.05586661122102796,0.16164718353730945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146733114763343,0.0,0.2626264407730164,0.0,0.14525599646633644,0.092614832601634,0.06938423861794504,0.14879791694907646,0.06674786502124556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670099738948998,0.0,0.0,0.1836586932534809,0.0,0.0,0.1194722819596347,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lemongirl98,2019/01/02,People only care when you're dead It's my 21st birthday this month. I guarantee more people would show up for my funeral tho. ,1.765066666666666,4.403320440000002,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,84.6,6.533333333333335,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.1375333333333335,101,3,19,2,3,33,23,25,0.227,0.6,0.173,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4711843054336269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688771288521108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351479619197238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6407817887533235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282922335571001,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,handshake_of_CO_,2019/01/02,"Life is suffering Bit of a rant, sorry in advance for how incoherent and angry this is going to be.

I don't know where to begin. Everytime I attempt to get my life together, I end up wanting to fucking kill myself. I'm so sick of the meaningless platitudes.

""It gets better""
""Its a permanent solution to a temporary problem""
""Suicide is selfish. Think of all the people that love you.""

You know what, get fucked. For most suicidal people, it doesn't get better and it's a permanent problem. And I think it's incredibly selfish to want to keep someone around who is in a perpetual state of depression. How selfish of YOU to want to keep me in my own personal hell. And to those who say to think of your loved ones: that's the reason I am suicidal. I can't stop thinking about the inevitability of losing them. Why not prevent myself from enduring that suffering? And I consider myself lucky, at least I have loved ones now. I just can't help but feel like I'm living with ghosts, ghosts of my past and those of my future.

I think, however, the worst thing about all these ""helpful"" statements, is that they come from a place of superiority. Do you really think some meaningless Hallmark card-style copy pasted statement from a random internet stranger is going to help? I'm not even sure if I can say I appreciate the thought, because it seems like half the time people just say that shit to feel better about themselves. Oh look at me, I said 3 nice sentences to those pitiful depressed people on Reddit, I'm fucking amazing.

Above all else, I just want to slam my head through the sheetrock until I fucking bleed out.

",5.844025974025973,6.713688467532473,6.353662337662339,76.93906493506495,66.92207792207792,9.536623376623377,32.932467532467534,9.642632912329526,3.1229319480519484,1280,54,234,26,20,416,165,308,0.226,0.636,0.138,-0.9821,2,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,5,2,6,13,32,7,0,15,0,15,13,2,3,4,52,54,12,6,7,7,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,20,10,0,4,15,0,0,4,6,19,0,3,2,7,32,13,45,51,9,25,1,6,1,7,20,11,6,6,11,157,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958097948210935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449468865553801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718925929606105,0.09759677144309367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700633814671633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399248733747184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467849886277945,0.0,0.07917791038561157,0.0,0.0,0.059044908038642326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904021374920587,0.06386418836948078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33057892799868704,0.1868219103789996,0.0,0.10161108580556263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174560995834026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797598290544992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891771872443486,0.0989029148969486,0.0,0.0982588967483862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628542082107255,0.08734828613119687,0.0,0.07893789558214556,0.0,0.07506973491583165,0.10001073764786607,0.0,0.0,0.24204888286657256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115345675684072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067630775711334,0.2479024332634383,0.07805673338630759,0.09339930764900052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107890854133956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726906909657481,0.0919134992219954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503562556052044,0.2132727535313588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138233798914647,0.0,0.0,0.09176323246509517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574454706587395,0.0,0.0,0.10007098298767256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473867048215209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933526188163012,0.0,0.08425423418507784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939042148816252,0.3436862967998197,0.0,0.07097006954900838,0.052127255605997125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091121180778974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066556613473748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TimeOfClocks,2019/01/02,"Dismantling life - now feel trapped I left my wife two weeks ago. I convinced myself that she was abusive to me. I had friends that supported me in this - who I now think I manipulated into thinking this. She's moved out now. We were married over 7 months.  


I have a good job, I stopped going in. Started smoking and drinking a lot. I feel like each of these actions - from leaving her, to smoking like a chimney, to spending all the money I have (my actions are hugely impulsive right now) are suicidal - dismantling my support structure one by one before the big moment.  


I took somebody who cared for me deeply - and got angry at me sometimes, yes, but was kind to me - and became paranoid and distrustful. She thought - probably still thinks - I was/am having a mental health crisis and was mildly delusional. I have a history of mental health disorders. But she still left. Her last email said ""good luck"". I think she's right. I think she wasn't abusive. I threw away the best thing in my life. The flat is filled with pictures of our wedding. We were so happy. I have dismantled everything and I am to blame. I'm disassociating badly. I recognise the actions I took but the logic I took does not seem like mine.  


I think about suicide every day. It's always ""I'll do it tomorrow"". ""Tomorrow for sure"". It's become an inevitability that eventually I will just do it. I know how I'm going to do it. I keep waiting to get up the nerve to do it - my plan involves travelling across a large city and that's a large effort. Until I get up that nerve, I feel trapped. I can't reach out to people - what can I say? I can't have people around me 100% of the time. I live alone. Whenever I am alone I think of my plans. But the only plan I'm certain of involves travel. Don't want any pain. Don't want people to have to find the body unexpectedly. Feel trapped here until I manage it. It's getting worse each day, not better.",1.5080836363636363,4.043190978666665,3.026663636363637,88.54283181818182,84.54666666666667,5.6490909090909085,23.45606060606061,7.075746649084167,1.0067733333333329,1487,56,294,21,44,486,191,375,0.17600000000000002,0.706,0.118,-0.975,1,5,1,0,0,1,64.0,3,0,0,6,12,20,1,0,18,1,29,7,1,2,3,51,65,15,2,2,7,1,4,3,1,1,5,2,0,0,20,16,1,3,16,3,2,13,7,3,0,3,14,6,58,17,38,50,5,52,0,0,0,0,21,19,0,3,23,194,78,2,0.0,0.2053898723352056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683158501979255,0.0,0.0,0.1795369818559109,0.0,0.0,0.07212000570621363,0.0,0.0,0.05894153277987355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715855091949515,0.0,0.0,0.08143340854814284,0.0,0.07236946503974401,0.0,0.09572501412311978,0.07375349122304962,0.0,0.09095938693911634,0.07665642242678003,0.0,0.09627566774662616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883702802504208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179557563191847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993363185781578,0.0,0.07584931110579668,0.0,0.0,0.0849078694610024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302688131771021,0.0,0.07789732040829374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753006302336436,0.06192017567899634,0.0,0.0,0.07921878914246186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696439074725323,0.0,0.13585131753840773,0.0,0.0985180653610358,0.1453966714750588,0.06932139859339419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226646133198363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426157004540586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601092208253461,0.07704014811080524,0.0,0.09025800168241836,0.04763395812285887,0.0706511666256563,0.0,0.0917756258942526,0.1883438780368848,0.0,0.12244131871992298,0.12703413354003268,0.0,0.07653504236049309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368743610358365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469472522634968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918264228820642,0.09212112124084797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746557058080802,0.06591975176717,0.09222762344833628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802672508352692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934496130181119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480388491433107,0.08244715869899005,0.06892692500218067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890507644599658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572315217388589,0.0,0.06134855373595765,0.0,0.1384365018262532,0.07246364080438246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961535049878211,0.19671405912816764,0.08168955271546861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057582589336624815,0.38876198314335175,0.0,0.06880975530451126,0.05054051272230284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888951887322328,0.0,0.0,0.08466824939451212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224555906240294,0.0,0.06952493850858207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832857132785125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tts1999,2019/01/02,"just waiting for everyone in the house to fall asleep Got into a huge argument with my sister this morning (we’ve never gotten along and she is here for holidays) and she basically told me I’m a worthless embarrassment who just mooches off my mom all the time. I’ve been struggling with depression really bad for the passed 6 months. I’ve had it basically my whole life but it has never been this bad. My family just thinks im crazy and fishing for attention. Due to my mental illness, I took the semester off to try to get help and live with my mom in the mean time and go to work, but her and the rest of my family don’t believe in mental illness and think I’m just making it all up to not go to school and I’ve received a lot of backlash for it, telling me I’m useless and an embarrassment to the family. I’ve been very unhappy during my break because being in a classroom was my favorite thing ever. Education is very important to me but my mental illness took that from me as well so what’s the point anymore?

I’ve attempted suicide twice already , the latest being in August with sleeping pills and it would have worked if I hadn’t started sleep walking, so I’m going to tie an arm and a leg to my bed and block the doors so I can’t leave and no one can get in after I down the pills and alcohol. I can’t afford another hospital bill like last time so I’m trying to be extra careful that I’m not discovered before or during my plan.

I’m hoping that after tonight I can finally be free and my family/friends can live more easily knowing that they don’t have to deal with the crazy/mentally ill girl in the family and I won’t have to live in my broken head anymore either. I have friends that will be hurt, some of the greatest people ever that I honestly don’t deserve. I’ve already talked to them today but didn’t give the slightest hint about what I’m going to do tonight. This will be the very last mistake I make, but it will be worth it for everyone in the long run. 

I know the police or whoever is in charge of investigating will unlock my phone and find this post, so I just wanted to let everyone know that it doesn’t matter how hard I smile and laugh, work hard and try to keep a level head. Inside my head is a very sad, sinful, and painful place and it has been that way for a very long time. If you are a parent or sibling and your relative tells you that they are hurting, please believe them and don’t leave their side. Don’t just brush it off as them “overreacting” and leave them in their room all alone to deal with their demons. Everything I’ve gone through was very real and as soon as I’m free from this life, I’ll leave behind the deceased body to prove it. 

My college buddies, my PSN friends, my cat, and anyone that ever made me briefly feel anything other than numb, I love you and I know you will be hurt terribly by my actions but I promise the pain will only be temporary. As time goes on, you will forget my voice, my face, and a lot of the good times we shared and that’s okay because this is the last time I hurt you. Instead of mourning me, you should hate me instead. It will be easier to deal with the initial loss that way. ",5.260343567251462,5.1396759521604976,5.992625081221572,82.47102339181286,68.02777777777777,9.166731643924628,29.86127355425601,8.841846274778883,2.1380364197530866,2499,83,522,38,38,820,282,648,0.185,0.6940000000000001,0.121,-0.9928,2,1,1,0,0,1,47.0,1,8,9,6,21,38,1,3,35,1,56,23,10,4,9,96,97,51,2,7,20,4,3,1,2,11,12,1,3,1,35,39,1,3,11,1,4,13,16,23,1,2,16,5,67,17,74,59,12,70,2,10,0,1,42,24,0,9,30,346,102,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434877331859011,0.0,0.06236191585881959,0.13289182223125756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313798033993094,0.0,0.0,0.11942909720245773,0.04210192937529486,0.0,0.04954969747017576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054972391545117,0.07340987396712251,0.0,0.05123634101900308,0.13567757336312591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668824331255082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139058286966086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862291067603469,0.051860875647826515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633967639283557,0.0,0.17260666470976474,0.0541150473926115,0.0,0.2270516718288814,0.0,0.030445212567409025,0.0,0.0,0.06595977125788757,0.05503306797152923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955991656366928,0.0,0.06291701647251119,0.057761247154269474,0.1368804407673367,0.05050332749804734,0.0481573788487368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787701637808404,0.059447306421655466,0.18538596596039345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035912098594713,0.0,0.0,0.05980452670560631,0.0,0.0694770571564741,0.25783459628619376,0.0,0.06503975429499634,0.0,0.0,0.053519572230448086,0.0,0.0,0.13236470203623227,0.14724349477945392,0.0,0.2550250672923165,0.0,0.061571286721257085,0.0850596365910042,0.029416750670267725,0.0,0.1595060300980255,0.10657220727420304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238090542998704,0.05434406674454301,0.05697445485542092,0.08038452593875127,0.0,0.0,0.06558898551681218,0.0,0.0,0.18203989467120285,0.0,0.0,0.14104013491277367,0.04806098523735322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287907226214608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080149924068365,0.04579426445341225,0.12814053648200366,0.0,0.06685877517146588,0.0,0.0,0.041743715834961885,0.0,0.0629091712631782,0.06609516403440789,0.0569202064432796,0.0,0.05766686137301692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853492476841327,0.03857362293753325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609381913029342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051182455786948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261866615550556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294710283027499,0.0,0.0658626229042645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839646848567068,0.10525663135690264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040002461376180624,0.07716338464891792,0.0,0.0,0.24577245517756915,0.0,0.057074340895119015,0.057535554903254925,0.1337964450963554,0.12264085764562695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980893522732961,0.03551484983915372,0.09558764471648808,0.0,0.0,0.054138203619721416,0.0,0.0,0.06722502508760156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150609322275966,0.0,0.0,0.042773180976615095,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,420ufos,2019/01/02,"i need help. i cant get over my ex and i have this bad habit of constantly thinking about her and i just cant get her out of my head. not only that but i've been through nothing but trauma all my life and after 18 years of it, im tired. i've been ready to go and even tried plenty of times and i really think im getting close to trying again and hope this finally pulls through for me. idk if anyone can help me at all but feel free to try.",-0.2090909090909108,1.522794404040404,1.858878787878787,99.3683181818182,84.75757575757575,5.172121212121212,16.97070707070707,6.2581,-0.5899220202020201,342,7,87,3,10,114,65,99,0.075,0.7390000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9175,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,21,15,10,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,12,3,15,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,6,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620435774208528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264469075714538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050290159951374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286594711571062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849360078254528,0.0,0.0,0.21338709209528986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30531517011837306,0.0,0.11070580849145507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999146420975205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611323630290301,0.0,0.0,0.19347420108462535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208214726924717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375886253142973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444371382950023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690990965891047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814946656122305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478989955921205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249632009821349,0.0,0.0,0.11358583427295148,0.22388682369300136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396756621285937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544082395049938
suicidewatch,sdc78,2019/01/02,Lost everything Bank took house. Didn't even know I wasn't making payments. Thought it was on automatic withdrawal. Hardly ever monitored bank account so I never noticed. Everything has been cleaned out and thrown in dumpsters. Dad helped me get the house. Hes the one that discovered what happened. Im such a loser. They said they didnt want me to hurt myself which is what I want to do. Sorry,1.8238909090909097,4.633500480000002,2.802424242424241,87.11454545454548,90.86666666666667,5.927272727272728,24.15151515151515,7.348242739294969,1.5759333333333334,316,13,57,6,11,100,60,75,0.201,0.784,0.015,-0.8944,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,2,9,19,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,3,0,1,9,2,9,0,5,10,0,6,0,3,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444702537144795,0.1841283395029051,0.0,0.0,0.3658865786188343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634977239794036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000417589351458,0.0,0.18234647448342708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643950624746154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697533118848988,0.21791124379945603,0.0,0.2198757491659792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186922651700118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220576213571627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358754199928979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569951779249848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175021223706946,0.0,0.0,0.13793502619874795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362866819489288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278646277149611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616009755663319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615855425801626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24012557548981805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeaTooth,2019/01/02,Can someone help me? I really don't want to be alone tonight.,-0.7892307692307696,1.3575258461538446,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,98.23076923076924,5.676923076923077,21.884615384615387,7.1686216300943375,0.9287230769230774,48,2,11,1,2,16,13,13,0.246,0.563,0.19,0.0515,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5981449561642781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871049232614946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699793004002963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893376996457139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406410468259725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JSunshine11,2019/01/02,"So tired... (rant) A few days ago I had a break down while staying at a friends house, and she made me talk to her about it all.   

I tried explaining how no matter what I do, my life is a joke.  Every time I try, life reminds me that I’ll never be able to win. 

It got to the point of where I was just repeating how tired I am, tired of fighting, tired of the demons, tired of the overthinking, tired of feeling like a burden, tired of always feeling pathetic, tired of feeling like a loser, tired of just wanting to feel slightly normal, tired of trying to fit in...just so unbelievably tired.  

She got really upset realizing how it’s breaking me and saying she wouldn’t know what to do if I was gone.  

I stupidly promised I’m not going anywhere and if I have to live a life of suffering for those around me I will.  

But afterwards it just made me want to end my life sooner.   Why should I go through life feeling like this and having to watch everyone around me be so happy? Why do I have to continue to suffer just so people can have me around? 

I’ve even been having dreams of me trying to walk down a road but being so tired I just lay down on the side of the road with people telling me to get up and keep going.  

It just feels like my end time is coming closer and closer, and that feeling is somewhat relieving, I’ll finally won’t feel so tired. 

I just want to rest so badly...",3.812222844344905,4.453248117021278,4.801967151922359,87.07026315789476,71.37588652482269,7.780813736468833,25.480403135498317,7.85451343220497,1.211387234042553,1067,30,230,13,19,349,139,282,0.156,0.721,0.123,-0.9131,0,0,0,0,2,1,35.0,0,0,0,2,23,18,2,1,13,0,24,18,0,5,2,51,49,22,0,8,12,0,8,4,1,4,18,1,0,0,11,12,0,1,11,2,0,6,5,8,0,0,9,10,30,10,39,33,4,38,1,3,1,0,10,17,0,3,16,155,41,0,0.0559656042239994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961013137324433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046567866025446325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946375946946405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672894184218935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048209412505712784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036093184805560084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913782774212013,0.0,0.0,0.036964753765767334,0.0,0.0471534353354371,0.05347753318931087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22638312859127496,0.1599273553603266,0.0,0.06130758385026864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323888699477815,0.0,0.02923971831190933,0.0,0.09541962782506297,0.0,0.08952161250635113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957642637262925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645767931886375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049744800498475635,0.0,0.0,0.030757232454515726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765080681479671,0.10936786916793458,0.0,0.04941865386719227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591201581689444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316412414760883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483440951662144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759900648435553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290558567361114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035852999147092585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044506094773797175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059651887642196526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044983032735840964,0.0489164048756344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652679877729624,0.8362149793727641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198788635740398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902989017036262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100050583855066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_YOUR_PEDI,2019/01/02,"Bipolar fucking SUCKS What's it like to want to die for a few weeks and then be glad to be alive?

I would know. I have fucking bipolar.

On top of having Asperger's.",-1.2881904761904757,0.6305459428571432,0.8449999999999989,99.39416666666668,103.85714285714286,3.4761904761904763,20.11904761904762,5.46131890053228,-0.20338095238095244,128,5,29,1,6,42,28,35,0.177,0.5489999999999999,0.274,0.2588,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,4,10,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,7,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40606252144337307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7234207409880576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502436445274248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911481843673904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307732468799197,0.0,0.3138423995307201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27793742330492976,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayNLMD,2019/01/02,"I hate my life. I'm an 18-year-old, single, Incel who hates his life. 

I have everything I could want in life instead of a relationship. I have a job, I have money, I'm going to college, I'm making the Dean's List, I have a decent family, but I'm being crushed by this loneliness. 

I have zero female friends and have rarely if ever spoken to a female face to face. Almost zero times, if you don't count coworkers or people in school.

I fully intend on killing myself if I'm still a virgin at 25, I have the entire suicide planned out. I'm a week away from my 19th birthday, and the fact that I'm this empty and depressed in life is slowly conquering me. 

I'm unattractive and single, and my biggest life goal of having the relationships I want is seemingly impossible. Everything I do - every calorie I count, every piece of clothing I buy, every conversation I try to have with females, every dating app I use - nothing works. It's all a failure. 

I want to kill myself right now, but I'm thinking that if I fool myself into living until 25, maybe, just maybe something will change. 

I will never live to be a 25-year-old virgin, though. I can't handle that embarrassment. I will kill myself on my 25th birthday. 

Only six more years to go. ",4.033351548269581,5.343149803278688,5.5106010928961755,79.69824225865213,71.45901639344262,7.38943533697632,26.67030965391621,7.793537801064563,1.6586200364298729,968,32,178,12,18,327,136,244,0.226,0.7290000000000001,0.045,-0.9947,1,0,1,0,0,5,40.0,0,1,0,4,6,9,5,1,13,0,20,9,2,3,4,30,40,14,4,8,8,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,31,1,23,34,5,22,0,1,0,2,7,11,0,7,9,121,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079155867761856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125299261567036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400584106107199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604517630507634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928217122602364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748368248802887,0.3632018065625317,0.0,0.1937125548028249,0.0,0.1015954931701453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326244821050324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249578056914802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280013892508454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694459944337537,0.0,0.3576929524416861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806039241520868,0.0,0.0,0.19032488550164608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193697795936645,0.0,0.21653789550574445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311848202350919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340774161612487,0.0,0.22617192251468146,0.0,0.0,0.08196356087639546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471380171476713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140822234832376,0.0,0.09203456398535967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906848733506216,0.0,0.09810930507719244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296622608625659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606486175060472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788234108191945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905434392918874,0.10588298637637003,0.0,0.06284126199185397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316841618740963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307824595145164,0.0,0.0,0.19069572957780867,0.0,0.0864461921823232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845747938184174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082000735251331
suicidewatch,Nutt18,2019/01/02,"At the end of my rope So iv posted here before but didn’t get much help. I have turned myself into a mental hospital which didn’t help much. I have had many councilors and in all honesty I’m tired and sick of every shitty part of my life. Family loves me but doesn’t understand my nerdy/new generation concepts, friends have grown away from me or are annoyed by depressing complaining, iv been obsessed with wanting a girlfriend in high school however after learning of nerdy/cosplay models(not booth babes) my obsession grew worse leading to counciling, i thought i knew what i wanted to do in life just to end up $50,000 in debt and no way to shrink it because its private loans. So maybe i cant get my dream job either of working at roosterteeth (youtube channel with a branch of people having fun playing video games together and get paid to do it) so i resort to my dream of having a nerdy/cosplay model wife. Also mind you im 23 going on 24 in age. In any case apparently thats to high of expectations. So what am i left with? Nothing! im tired every day of all this going through my head and posting on social media is bad even if im venting so basically ya any advice before i go off myself? ",3.752317558602389,5.45541127731093,4.9129102167182666,82.15020123839011,72.78151260504202,7.531534719150819,28.072534276868645,8.20500826718156,1.982173109243698,956,37,180,15,19,315,154,238,0.19,0.708,0.102,-0.9711,4,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,2,9,10,1,2,5,0,16,9,1,1,2,26,31,15,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,4,6,3,6,5,6,0,0,7,0,22,4,37,24,6,31,0,1,0,1,12,17,0,2,5,113,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456852386515196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375920207810144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945855035273002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015367827185582,0.0,0.09789302585782626,0.0714702578052429,0.0,0.19953035218480314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561204970988605,0.0,0.10098124277439324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768503527049686,0.0,0.0,0.07743791007382468,0.0,0.1975646048295372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052628647741047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058166771544277,0.0,0.18376391940031067,0.0,0.1998957332603148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032516485540976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717105210944662,0.2477473789852351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799277472511304,0.0,0.11634560812156068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738488610287824,0.0,0.16562442700016078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581640453864027,0.0,0.0,0.118866021962782,0.11778637380991837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815338999961605,0.0,0.1183820296674559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237422217833745,0.0,0.0,0.1132340409252606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124978413629518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269627672294925,0.0,0.08128154895919569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245728116081262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865619724552252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951449584004865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307786304066132,0.0,0.2695072125499763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752674040575204,0.0,0.12205412036526013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830594369665278,0.09306205339547396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853543161400903,0.0,0.11948065544264498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IamAnisotropic,2019/01/02,"If a person have no idea what suicide is, can that person commit suicide? I was wondering why do i feel suicidal everyday. When i first came across the term suicide in my childhood, i never cared about it. But when i had failures in my life, i kept thinking suicide as an option. I then started to have repeated thoughts of suicide, whenever i fail or felt humiliated. Why?

My brain would have created a new neural connection for suicide when i heard it the first time. Over time whenever i failed in important things in my life, the neural connection for suicide might been activated every time. My brain could have then made that neural connection stronger and stronger making it an easily accessible option whenever i failed in something. (Cognitive ease could be the culprit).

May the right answer would be think rationally and not emotionally whenever someone feels suicidal.

**I don't know, may be i am getting mentally sick as day progresses (or) may be i am going through five stages of death. I keep having these weird thoughts.**",5.227960358056264,7.988829532608701,5.6257416879795406,74.00672634271102,71.6086956521739,9.329411764705883,33.649616368286445,9.773937934552695,3.968118030690537,830,42,132,23,17,265,108,184,0.308,0.621,0.071,-0.9957,0,0,1,0,0,8,27.0,0,0,0,6,4,5,0,0,9,0,26,8,5,2,2,35,45,13,10,5,5,0,3,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,8,3,0,2,11,0,0,2,4,4,0,3,10,4,20,1,16,23,1,29,0,3,0,0,3,8,0,10,18,96,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862483709258248,0.0,0.0954101304470182,0.08505213714201545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320798789408064,0.0,0.0,0.05379892766873519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383614784566366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702848549001631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435920538818592,0.0,0.08009617604927652,0.0,0.0,0.1419138310418324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358344931296487,0.0,0.04740944570000365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941709015105808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414743083300553,0.0,0.0,0.045845389732857865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784387015754115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893391659504208,0.05568342410719598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406762819939936,0.08849532018242241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433856157087542,0.0805674492458601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567805997385466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124012996226207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068140179236887,0.0642207065793624,0.0,0.0,0.05904502725383321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8212303771266618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055420467960184495,0.10690419387995807,0.0,0.13245214857944165,0.14592842549906734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505469505499775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046531187078874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851819234709315,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Giggletubelaughter,2019/01/02,"Tonight’s the night! I’ve tried really hard to change my mind and find hope and non can be found. I’m going to pack a bag with some minor provisions and set out walking into the wilderness. Wherever I drop I drop. I can’t handle it anymore. It’s too painful. Everyone says I’m too negative including my parents and family. Even my friends at 28 won’t admit my life is not worth it anymore. I am a monster, a cancer to those around me and like a cancer would be removed with chemo and radiation I am removing my stain on this earth. I could survive in the wilderness but only time will tell. ",2.8997500000000014,4.616009475000002,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,75.08333333333334,7.8000000000000025,27.833333333333336,8.548686976883017,2.074733333333333,467,19,94,9,10,156,83,120,0.138,0.799,0.063,-0.7664,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,0,11,4,0,0,0,21,17,7,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,3,4,1,0,0,5,11,0,0,3,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,2,12,3,11,10,1,16,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,4,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213335966236829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891017415385053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471564726714655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960269147308862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403035626320518,0.0,0.0,0.20297953219920103,0.0,0.0,0.2002537483577203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415101516151168,0.0,0.0,0.2329111449717496,0.1641176870283998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072503637486705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028952059546647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098423182865408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150040833648928,0.1037792770037868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144869418366648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934484356122284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155746462843726,0.22603333012610174,0.0,0.2358708963619982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360837824933522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892750578488433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856672958974033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238657136525055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422145260309802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089939220893706,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyinginside1881,2019/01/02,"My birthday is this coming month and it will be my last I am done living, come the 20th of this month I am done. it is my bday and I am going to end it and no one can stop me.

I am 37 and have PTSD and severe social anxiety and severe chronic depression. no I did not serve in the military. I am on disability and unable to work because of my mental issues.

I have no family, no friends, no one. I am literally alone in this world and spent the past several years trying to find a good woman to get to know and date but none want me and none will give me a chance because I am obese.

I am just done. I can't take living life anymore and can't take being alive anymore especially being single and alone and lonely. I was going to give it till I hit 40 but I can't make another two years. This year is it. I am done and there is no turning back.

I am going to spend what little time I have left just sleeping and sleeping and sleeping until that day gets here then going to get very drunk and end my life. I can't take this crippling loneliness anymore and not having a life companion to build a life with and to love and to be loved. I can't take being alone anymore.

Goodbye.

Sidenote I made this post to say goodbye because I have no one else to say goodbye to. I did not post this to find someone to talk to.",2.5308850931677043,3.6565702355072474,4.2002070393374735,88.35804347826088,74.90579710144928,6.851345755693583,24.01242236024845,7.2636822038024595,0.861398757763975,1019,30,223,11,21,343,123,276,0.155,0.782,0.063,-0.9428,0,5,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,7,0,39,12,3,2,0,37,63,25,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,1,14,23,2,1,3,1,2,6,17,2,0,4,9,2,30,4,25,46,3,31,0,2,0,2,11,6,0,0,17,160,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540708819813846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574422455635577,0.06255473804984449,0.0,0.32438019949187297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287699920092009,0.0,0.1495408789812807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408772827553891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052735654067479744,0.0,0.07042940783495677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347212790026653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830933825210331,0.0,0.14485001024360875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708660235239992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947477612588944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317622008430256,0.0,0.1281662184898018,0.1568847568447979,0.18588981128851087,0.0685857962279014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534787960821545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493930861275882,0.06665443532222802,0.0,0.0,0.0888446393494392,0.0,0.2310296446377923,0.0,0.08195621643047299,0.14441092127837402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760338665133738,0.07737387899957192,0.054582905612752086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824061287298379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053797059723374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623082782946927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805985535156226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566283965501203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558614756100554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005546784133476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27713451509105924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454907384814856,0.08335543253823466,0.06928446561014029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836437796987342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24592703928499124,0.0657245866787015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047681439632132665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551727175483803,0.08894357568925593,0.07987857274905058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746979715846077,0.04823076765044624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059530401654243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797389999075892
suicidewatch,MR4GN,2019/01/02,"Only one question... Does anyone here have an easy way of me dying, I've attempted suicide at least 8 times, my depression is getting worse, No one is taking my problems seriously and the only people I really care about are the friends I made on the internet and only a couple of them care about me...I really don't want to live anymore, I can't live anymore, I have plans to go to Syria or Turkey to fight terrorists and the government, my dad screams at me a lot and I get bullied at school for being a Kurd...I even had plans to kill those who even slightly bullied me...Just any way you have for me to end my suffering is a good way",5.789945054945058,4.994698192307695,6.992857142857144,78.00500000000002,67.07692307692308,10.197802197802199,32.41758241758242,9.606745405546679,2.825065934065935,495,18,101,9,7,169,80,130,0.285,0.612,0.102,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,1,3,18.0,0,1,1,3,5,11,2,0,9,0,11,0,0,1,0,10,19,5,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,2,2,1,14,4,16,16,2,10,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,3,2,65,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073029426136773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938010218723949,0.10357266497871907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020472632372394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389784468060473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275801175545943,0.0,0.1537306919569958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962546216337673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119506398498698,0.0,0.0,0.19567074832843911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444125164161532,0.0,0.15477872784594476,0.0,0.08418303058846144,0.12424048723845815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387871547775593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615947354837437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593084658657291,0.0,0.14015975544693998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007470951658824,0.33796793262614555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102691443344598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417359225777288,0.0,0.0,0.1659342539051883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978574069191734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499107277475854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202505390847832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137180315130987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637306290711781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736814912616868,0.3527249433419693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095235162562315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Superfan234,2019/01/02,"Anybody want to talk? A lot of stuff happening right now. I don't know if there is a going to be a tomorrow...I need to talk , anyone here with some time to spare?",-0.5027142857142834,1.4812689428571453,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,88.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,17.32142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.002571428571429113,123,3,30,2,4,42,28,35,0.0,0.944,0.056,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010962620921344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951591765250747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036628846808407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872079974001815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919419762765071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546228906450443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932572801409762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931048857850802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520154601161426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002362674884744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025431481712427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedeathdealer,2019/01/02,"Alone, about to be divorced Im alone and my relationship with my wife is in shambles because of mistakes ive made. Ive written my notes. All i have left to do is get rid of some things and tell a friend to take care of my dog. Ive got my fresh razor and im ready to go. I cant see myself ever being happy again. ",0.4741314553990605,1.6572299577464804,2.985563380281693,94.73402582159626,80.40845070422536,5.2967136150234735,20.284037558685448,5.46131890053228,-0.29125539906103315,241,6,60,1,6,84,49,71,0.086,0.716,0.198,0.8555,0,2,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,2,9,18,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,11,3,10,13,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656649792811067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704039945356408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292059513114901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335100796013786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368550650426878,0.0,0.117452497925292,0.0,0.12776312821717142,0.0,0.17979887656592836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393114742175033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856607661764839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425371073174726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21271803451216265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135883085137874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914225463000993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902705766628354,0.0,0.19649142583662005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493519329177086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Davy26,2019/01/02,June 11 2019 I will be join the 27 club on this day,-0.8000000000000007,-0.4371956153846117,1.2800000000000011,109.04000000000002,82.07692307692308,5.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.9714,39,0,13,0,1,13,13,13,0.0,0.833,0.16699999999999998,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elviangie,2019/01/02,Right now... Do you think my family members and friends will eventually forgive me if I kill myself?,8.241666666666667,8.361470944444449,8.474444444444442,66.36500000000001,61.77777777777778,11.644444444444444,40.22222222222222,11.20814326018867,4.805155555555556,79,4,13,2,1,26,18,18,0.197,0.586,0.218,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804809093115767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937774755489524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638853643363115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43526390405647225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265823406895079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jnr55,2019/01/02,"Tonight is the night I’m scared. I don’t want to do this but my heart hurts so much, my body hurts, i’m drained physically and mentally. I have nobody, I have nothing. I do nothing to anybody and yet everyone gets angry at me and calls me names and threatens me. This world we live in is so shitty, why cant we all love one another? We all have our own issues and some of us are capable of doing more than others are. You can’t get mad at me for that and its not right to take it out on me when you’ve had a rough day. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for anyone, i’m sorry I wasn’t able to be loved, I have tried, its unfortunate that it didn’t work. Everyone clearly has an issue with me, so i’ll help them out like i have been all my life and kill myself. Problem solved. I have many people I love, but nobody loves me. I can’t live life without love. I’m depressed and the only way to stop this is to kill myself. Good night to everyone and I hope you all have an amazing 2019, I hope you are all happy in life and that all good comes to anybody who reads this. I hope you find your significant other, love feels amazing. I hope you all get to have children, they might be annoying but they definitely are some gems. Stay safe and i love all of you ❤️",0.7360849598163028,2.5664590149253748,2.6516417910447783,94.41075200918486,81.98507462686567,5.764867967853043,19.636050516647533,6.8449194561589275,0.0706103329506318,968,25,228,11,26,323,135,268,0.236,0.541,0.223,-0.7693,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,5,7,3,1,5,27,4,1,5,0,31,12,2,0,9,46,54,18,2,6,5,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,14,18,0,2,2,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,5,2,43,18,24,46,14,19,0,3,0,7,27,9,0,7,8,152,57,2,0.08722583844540882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914638969709688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099033434279134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688824285515442,0.0,0.0,0.08906733348614802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513733631715395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562534497837159,0.0,0.0751274868397575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012760805046184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500440798473243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044104004761198065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972283610980291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367157014220263,0.0,0.0,0.14632178977226848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285352698301297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336303853384722,0.058465640868194585,0.0,0.0,0.3465397555987209,0.0,0.0,0.18675412820702172,0.0,0.0,0.1820822267054448,0.0,0.0,0.19300493331342145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483056780549287,0.042614138717142695,0.0,0.1540440267974739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510730730475943,0.0,0.0,0.0884333095469461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790312941682081,0.09253283040562872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412102759097922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371108108134325,0.0,0.16739108896448365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059106485553051084,0.06633918068454925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060471413620743784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346334728546229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724944299606681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449038943849494,0.0,0.0,0.08732828095440145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528436971012028,0.0,0.09297113801570757,0.0,0.07292470665486216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655829751214145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059220618650021824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492194381560814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144805945864908,0.06923581052938066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870775208570083,0.0,0.0,0.08408259560007046,0.0,0.06350144924297962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmotionalEmpress,2019/01/02,"Gotta push through this to experience videos games Warning: friendly depressing rambling. 

I promised myself I wouldn't hurt myself because cyberpunk 2077 and other games I love are releasing maybe this year or the next.
 It's so hard though. Yet hard isn't even the word.  The pure despair and hopelessness I feel is abysmal. If someone broke through my window wanting to murder me right now the only request I would have is to do it so my siblings wouldnt see or hear. Like I'm so ready to go as if I'm an immortal who has been living too long. Have yall ever been around elderly folks and there just like ""yeah whatever I've lived my life no big deal.""? That's me except I'm 24 and haven't don't shit lol. But I'm exhausted and over it. 

If you have Bpd, you might also know how I feel. The intensity of emotions is too much.  I hate crying all the time even if I don't want to be. (can't be a bad bitch with tears in your eyes ok) If it wasn't for video games, my siblings and 1 more person, I promise  you I would not be here lol.
 
What video games are keeping yall here? 
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suicidewatch,badguy2988,2019/01/02,I don't know what to do anymore Everyday I'm talked to like I'm scum by my family no less. I think it'd be easier if I just ended it I don't see the point of being alive anymore its all fake anyway ,-0.022021276595744155,1.072127595744682,3.5542021276595754,90.50875,81.55319148936171,7.253191489361702,18.132978723404253,8.07648339933343,0.4391744680851066,155,3,39,3,4,58,35,47,0.115,0.7140000000000001,0.171,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,8,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6711752597215778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29970924057084153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31899986766129523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859678992560224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653181321283197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198838075298439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696495456819676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27198156116354466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682385593578665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,utsuby0,2019/01/02,Killing myself soon hurt my dog. told friends. they left. upset now. killing myself when i can. im sorry. ,-0.6878333333333337,-0.8635914499999995,-0.12999999999999726,101.93166666666669,138.5,1.3333333333333337,18.33333333333333,3.1291,-0.9881666666666664,81,3,16,0,6,24,17,20,0.516,0.385,0.099,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313498334133556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205611917505564,0.0,0.32345110312232844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6625812455198063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253469815974244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352032476365826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28613174978806466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sidthesloth99,2019/01/02,"older sister (22) needs help but i dont know how to my family is having the funeral for my grandfather tomorrow and after an evening where copious amounts of alcohol were consumed by majority, things got heated and my sister stormed out and when my mum (wasnt in the room when things kicked off) asked what was wrong, she said she wished she could just be taken by oblivion.
she then proceeded to sit outside the house and tell a friend on the phone shes feeling suicidal and has been for a while. explaining ways shes thought about ending it. 
i knew things werent good for my sister, we have a close relationship and i know things arent good right now but i didnt realise how bad.
i really dont know what to do. how do i help my sister, ",4.587229729729729,5.4413583986486485,5.250918918918924,83.77651351351355,69.74324324324324,9.163243243243244,27.63783783783784,9.3871,2.1601005405405407,585,19,121,12,10,189,92,148,0.127,0.775,0.098,-0.7679,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,8,0,18,1,0,3,0,25,31,15,2,3,3,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,7,9,1,0,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,10,2,19,3,15,19,2,20,0,0,0,0,21,8,0,0,10,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415803506147567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523485363183623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360674138758588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011280585529195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819831698421995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433697090441805,0.0,0.0,0.1076356161980282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536271438593112,0.0,0.0823990594430973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590491674558146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273371498088375,0.1303365090191098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184615135682876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803758226001374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686808375972745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208351024797735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043983595886556,0.0,0.0,0.17496142375821574,0.0,0.13916963007137312,0.15501526312821529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825522379752753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243696615279872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330618727667665,0.0,0.0,0.1293745290029938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935255422474898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873995670787358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817460983376832,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ErkaustNoAme,2019/01/02,"How in the world do I hang myself? I tried like 20 times today.
My head gets heavy
Heartbeat in my ears
Headache
Nausea
Feeling of pounds of mucus in my throat.

I lean into it and it gets louder and louder then stops. It just stays the same, and I quit. Why? What am I doing wrong? Why does it just stop getting worse, why can't I stop quitting, why do I care about life when I've been wanting to kill myself episodically since I was 8?

I'll never be happy again like I used to. My childhood was the peak of my life, now it's over.
Now I have to study when I can't even focus on watching YouTube videos
Now I have to find a job that will make me so frustrated I'll spend the entire shift wanting to die
I can't be happy unless something special is going on, or I'm on drugs.

I'm done. Tired of my thoughts ruining all of my joy. Tired of thinking about how meaningless everything is, tired of dealing with idiots and minorities I can't understand at work, tired of hating everything all the time.

Sometimes it goes away but then everything feels wrong. I'm not supposed to feel okay for this many days in a row. I'm not supposed to be happy unless I'm on drugs.

I'm sick of everything and want to die. Should I try short drop hanging instead of suspension? Mainly the feeling of mucus in my throat is hard to ignore. Besides getting drunk and taking Xanax to suppress my survival instinct, what else do I do? I want to make sure I can commit and succeed. Life is a scam",2.044942857142857,4.05554338,3.2205714285714286,91.056,78.53333333333333,5.752380952380952,23.380952380952376,6.7097532225279775,0.6527952380952375,1154,38,240,11,28,372,159,300,0.212,0.7,0.087,-0.9901,1,0,3,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,0,5,15,19,4,0,9,1,26,16,4,5,5,46,54,18,3,5,8,0,5,2,0,2,11,1,0,0,10,9,1,5,8,2,1,3,7,8,0,0,5,7,30,11,41,44,4,37,0,1,1,0,1,15,0,1,19,147,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196927574689898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895179507800034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626561953892948,0.08994546377075276,0.0,0.0,0.18109246694173575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634843251793574,0.0892816277193084,0.0,0.0,0.20235232746790194,0.0,0.0728817591250664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762430727405578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136396744447751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645418452221245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974008318361117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823270376195698,0.0,0.04958317851116111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786208441701451,0.07815412239090888,0.08613608751663256,0.08953824122861034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657691130858489,0.0,0.0965233438011567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848705536690236,0.08524671554390602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647304105137755,0.08845244102659848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672884978176364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559097373875585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216972460127624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716523915058513,0.08628724774894474,0.0,0.0,0.09299125119980436,0.0,0.2188214491061284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222710545410168,0.0,0.06559716320688258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590288655010927,0.0,0.06926255338185472,0.10174618249646084,0.4010998337570981,0.0826977825946582,0.0,0.0,0.11846686063284685,0.0,0.0,0.0908248186099964,0.0,0.07535141640101448,0.0,0.0,0.20583675850255406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148991182333061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351518701543564,0.0,0.08890981169260406,0.0,0.190776786126378,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Good_bye_internet,2019/01/02,"still here ig posted on here a day or 2 ago  
im still here, but i am just feeling worse and worse. i failed my plan  
i also got really drunk  and passed out, dropping my phone in a glass of beer so thats gone  
my last friend is getting more and more annoyed about me talking about how shit i feel   
i think ive really fucked up and im gonna be gone tomorrow. goodbye",-0.3828055555555565,1.5971017750000025,1.7416666666666671,98.40777777777781,87.5,5.055555555555556,17.63888888888889,6.42735559955562,-0.3486527777777777,282,7,69,3,9,94,58,80,0.333,0.604,0.063,-0.9833,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,3,0,2,0,4,4,1,1,0,12,13,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,2,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,2,10,1,7,8,2,15,0,1,0,1,3,4,2,1,6,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927409651184904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075321969250878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770382692419034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159259658438855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496632932781058,0.19739736331462054,0.11155627111949896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077280241351808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612801350393479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404867707902072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449475778145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735749264500389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191769481194315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410373975842749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162064771372593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368160783999315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351936909789031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGreatCornlord,2019/01/02,"How long would it take for a trazadone overdose to kill? I know it’s a sedative, but does it have significant respiratory depression? My gf is gone for a couple hours, wondering if that would be enough time",4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,5.515897435897441,78.67076923076927,69.76923076923077,9.302564102564103,30.948717948717945,9.725611199111238,2.9280871794871803,165,7,32,4,3,53,33,39,0.199,0.748,0.053,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309419187505208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576092991351633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261739251366418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30904414508274697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29454742808666223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309032931352341,0.0,0.16437428840067025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646888553292813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248815309403604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440416756269655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32435477919054523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249357163960309,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lee18040,2019/01/02,"I feel too guilty to do it Yesterday I almost ended my own life. I'm 18 and I've always been the guy that seems damaged but stays positive anyway. Recently I've lost that part of me and I just feel sad 99 percent of the time. I've never seen a professional or been on any medication. 

I honestly don't know why I feel the way I do, it sort of changes. Sometimes it's familial issues, other times it could be some sort of rejection or I also feel out of control of my own life. 
Im not sure of who I am as a person. On one hand I think I'm a good person because I try to help my friends and I'm always there for people. However I lie to everyone compulsively which feeds into my feelings about control. I don't want to lie but I can't help myself.

I think the reason I haven't ended my life yet is the guilt, for my parents, friends, etc. I'm too scared to ask for help from the people I want to be open with, and they obviously don't know what's going on inside my head so they can't help me.
I just don't see a future where I'm happy, I don't have any hobbies, I'm failing college and have no idea what my ideal job would be.
I just needed to put this out into the world and nobody knows my reddit account so I did it here. Thanks to anyone who read this.",1.905415363225586,2.9187631459854018,4.183972888425444,88.30480535279806,76.29927007299271,6.970872436565868,22.9016336461592,7.447530270364453,0.7707224887035107,978,27,223,12,21,341,140,274,0.119,0.7,0.181,0.9752,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,5,14,15,0,2,11,0,22,7,2,3,3,48,48,14,0,6,8,1,6,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,15,12,1,2,13,1,1,2,11,7,0,1,5,8,34,8,29,38,6,23,0,5,2,0,15,10,0,7,9,143,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112211449921902,0.0,0.0,0.08874401783777207,0.18467466634145768,0.0,0.0,0.15092910480509603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759398362797919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374354707766124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764731026886611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739333030957358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892836571147606,0.08860186205824512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657595271907746,0.0,0.12376276481813088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060382023207124,0.0,0.0,0.10461423008403484,0.0,0.28055309585076904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147289988279238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306776694967624,0.09307778586844184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987941687175598,0.0,0.11813142410444258,0.0,0.0,0.11388896598508225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29752792990630306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527352687251025,0.11986846457671135,0.1158256096656254,0.11012227593282536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296141070820854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23514775261999554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113870505655333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179229963337063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228409964207499,0.08558820604454051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519728694277777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232209255732032,0.12017152268810286,0.0,0.15386758997176544,0.19379239306548807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155719581551114,0.0,0.0,0.11100171731042964,0.0,0.0,0.11409737633459505,0.109571152986974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110201765005227,0.0,0.08843006682366561,0.10102445585397517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975383577989956,0.0,0.0,0.1182810528717499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458950150923466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216781968540473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221235211707364,0.0,0.0,0.12941696596279284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534249096163073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090795209905426,0.0880841596717956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013468679164164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788311023666197,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zain1749,2019/01/02,Imagine dying in your sleep That would be the life ,0.3810000000000002,2.389129099999998,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,108.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.358,41,1,8,0,2,12,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5911648891811658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023321426829291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700210174437149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046343539987863,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlaneCitron,2019/01/02,"Can anyone just chat with me for a bit? I'm not doing very, just need someone to talk to.",-0.4160000000000004,1.231961400000003,1.8800000000000023,99.395,85.0,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.334,68,1,17,0,2,23,18,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381657418616991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279993268848385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35860594208299873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097786153643147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887239352633242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39904587291005655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiveRemote6,2019/01/02,"i cant deal with it anymore I just want to end my suffering, ever since I've been on holiday I've been more suicidal than ever and I can't deal with myself anymore. I'm so lonely, I feel like nobody actually cares for me and my friends talk to me just because they're forced to. Only a few people ever text me, nobody willingly talks to me in school, I just don't feel like I have anybody and I can't deal with it anymore. I hate myself so much and I started cutting to numb the emotional pain and now I told my mom and shes the only person who I've told that can help but I still can't go a minute without thinking of how I'm gonna kill myself, what I'm gonna write on my note etc. I don't have anything going well for me in life. I'm less than 16 and I think I've lived through half of my life already. I'm probably gonna kill myself when my parents leave the house with my dads medicine.",0.5380683943360935,2.2981659593908645,2.769420251135454,93.6745044082287,82.2994923857868,5.568688218006948,21.53593374298691,6.5966054737557815,0.2889553299492387,702,22,163,7,19,239,104,197,0.163,0.7490000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9539,1,2,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,13,13,4,0,5,0,13,4,0,1,3,26,33,12,3,1,5,3,2,2,1,4,4,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,4,1,0,2,7,8,1,1,4,2,30,5,21,25,5,14,0,2,0,0,16,4,0,0,10,100,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.1135993488122292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846130840939504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463422616498354,0.0,0.0,0.09579549533502148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096244375048709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186877336323722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600407356400909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094555992164816,0.103104690578851,0.0,0.12982790005848052,0.0,0.3158984763948929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772076793124454,0.16632662693006256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993806231395575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231694939081706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149307554990222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780271562396918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432148821352685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25758079212076324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326136127682387,0.0,0.0,0.16444762402750673,0.11374407294015418,0.0,0.1027921456793306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633796244891064,0.0,0.0,0.08557473011148782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707007189935248,0.12386842696847435,0.0,0.1292595073642675,0.0,0.0,0.08070402322721526,0.1016447049965797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550964811372894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781311529093727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962955389746418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239558349154312,0.0,0.09296516095225073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273336247708753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713186589448352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918163039479934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222469450379596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686616226897938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466655291732237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221506728569132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-suicidal-,2019/01/02,"I want to kill myself and my parents be won’t get me help even though I asked to see a doctor I really want to die. I wish I died earlier, I never planned to live to 16 but here I am. I hate myself and I hate my life. I really want to try to kill my self again soon. I don’t even know why I’m here. ",-0.5872769953051638,0.3321931126760589,2.6531690140845083,97.11712441314556,82.66197183098592,6.423474178403758,16.05868544600939,7.1686216300943375,-0.4323821596244137,225,3,63,3,6,82,42,71,0.317,0.586,0.097,-0.9717,1,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,4,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,9,15,4,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,17,0,7,13,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,40,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801617266150753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37304692985433774,0.0,0.0,0.18395348028704955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374098854204216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389753030878464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548773015288664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204641287359703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39767238993857495,0.0,0.09877072466310084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694323813570438,0.0,0.0,0.15869816185691618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861298567132416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956044390038027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302695284655856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321547502893225,0.0,0.1874896473728617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765763343617563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201970461527807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180147638412746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217150173972747,0.0,0.20667187739300694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bebeslo,2019/01/02,I promised my husband that I wouldn’t TRY to kill myself. After having surgery Monday night for my first pregnancy (ectopic) in 32 years after 3 years of trying I can honestly say that I’m on my fifth drink with pain killers and am not “trying” but it might just work anyway. It makes me feel a bit like an asshole but I also just don’t care anymore. If nothing else maybe I’ll at least get some decent sleep. ,3.8159437751004006,4.942186277108436,4.3062048192771085,88.82790160642574,71.77108433734941,6.497188755020081,25.88152610441768,6.42735559955562,0.8666080321285143,323,10,66,2,6,102,68,83,0.09,0.777,0.133,0.5647,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,0,13,11,5,1,2,6,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,9,4,9,9,3,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,8,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162424343432664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128363255878325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23429949755036025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218810095525114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023695947266596,0.0,0.0,0.17927985221894896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851370941208936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254790514404706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212532721617892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743514179803224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484803569735683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325442907703362,0.0,0.21560547491819448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766822931573125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139777301617207,0.0,0.20592492772953067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283611078249196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066718585978125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476586970511424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371201008743541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623927685727124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764047412304543
suicidewatch,end_me_throwaway,2019/01/02,I don’t enjoy life I hate myself. I can find joy in things but in the end im just left hating my own existence. I cant form a relationship with anyone because of my own outlook on life. I don’t find the time i spend happy worth the cost of me being depressed the rest of the time. ,0.3736021505376357,2.105061951612903,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,82.70967741935483,5.423655913978496,18.397849462365595,6.42735559955562,-0.166944086021505,219,5,51,2,6,76,42,62,0.168,0.655,0.177,-0.09,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,10,3,7,6,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454623115993555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345326058030894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202686949484822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843002668659524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301695460634824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505101518068331,0.0,0.4646737272821115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419372944675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556836622851617,0.0,0.332437083823916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526533153255565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634091725102353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744423343365058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sigredhttp418,2019/01/02,"Just when I thought I had support It's gone. 

I have no one anymore. Not like I ever did. 

Parents screaming at me during my first attempt in front of them with threats of straightjackets at 15. No parents to help. It was always my fault when I was bullied or beaten. Always. It must have been something you did first, said dad. Why don't you be nicer and dress better says narcissistic mother. 

Partner after partner that claims they love and care so much. Then I'm sad for a bit, and they lose patience and say they don't love me anymore. I get angry, frustrated, sad, and numb from the sexual assaults. It's happened twice. I said I'd definitely kill myself if there's a third. My last ex said I was impure for being raped. He hated me. 

Therapists constantly interrupting me and telling me it's all fine and I just need to change my thinking. How do I change flashbacks and triggers. Four therapists. It must be me somehow. It always is. My fault. Just like mom and dad said. Always my fault. It's something I'm doing. 

Yesterday my partner of over a year of good times and claiming they love and care so much. They said they can't help. They feel helpless when I'm depressed. They're scared when I'm depressed. I've said how to help me so many times. So many. They just stand in silence. Leave me. They don't want a part of it. I can't tell him anymore how I feel. Each time he gets frustrated. But he says he loves and cares about me so much. It's all my fault. It has to be. I'm too broken. 

I have no one. No one will ever ever care about me. I'm just there for others to make them happy and give them things. It's the only way I can be loved. When I stop being happy in front of them they leave. Everyone. Parents. Partners. Friends. Everyone. I don't get it. Why is it so hard to accept that no one will ever love me. 

About to turn 30. Everyone will expect me to be happy for them. Same as Christmas. I'm dead inside already. Why not make it the outside too. I didn't think I'd make it to 30. But there's been just enough people who say they care. Wouldn't want to hurt them. They'd be so confused.  So confused. How can she be so sad when she looks so happy. Why is she so depressed when everything is going so well. Why did she kill herself, we love her so much. Where were you then when I was dying before. Why did you scream at me. Why did you tell me you didn't want to help. Why. Why is it so hard to accept no one will care. ",-0.27427565392354225,2.010589658730161,1.3899586407332905,97.74064386317907,93.88095238095238,4.0299128101945,17.614464565168788,5.7548984701103425,-0.4668258104180638,1884,53,419,15,71,607,194,504,0.222,0.613,0.165,-0.974,3,0,2,0,0,1,76.0,1,6,18,6,47,55,9,3,7,0,51,9,0,8,8,62,100,46,4,9,12,8,4,2,5,7,1,12,0,4,22,16,0,1,7,0,0,4,17,28,1,10,23,17,73,27,36,60,11,39,0,9,1,8,75,8,0,5,27,279,95,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715509349774155,0.0,0.172384394152501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409483674049113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407220568211151,0.0,0.0,0.04580688398642265,0.05654476935689949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31683976740332603,0.0,0.10958069411395664,0.0,0.0,0.05597005851239795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382824375911434,0.0,0.05375317332831872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351622957622177,0.0,0.0,0.18739968921592928,0.0,0.14847189080833442,0.04654839615303175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237640485720088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811055338039445,0.0,0.0,0.04001530440728331,0.0,0.08117944126375665,0.049684765039995325,0.02943527396461967,0.043441685976355233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045800563225469534,0.22053933414953691,0.09279308318336152,0.05113507061113096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886358361009238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554457009101936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460302280252856,0.0,0.0,0.04221837767367871,0.0,0.10968305890181218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060709099264469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043493250685800865,0.0579433521200987,0.0,0.0,0.32721774968195183,0.0,0.10371710656068446,0.10502036830378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060659579818581125,0.0,0.0,0.1522958705972009,0.0384040078322287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754820924865601,0.03939106895442125,0.0,0.0,0.17253068617359052,0.05608699759248372,0.0,0.03590688939968829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956032108445048,0.1647521529005104,0.0518540371052108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974588457864375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043301441451049714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058774319226736475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580864131711942,0.0,0.0,0.12027181405576196,0.034409106319826285,0.06637399337539905,0.0,0.04111802219022859,0.09060310915616353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633613805207939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164692886441457,0.04111103813064237,0.0,0.0,0.04656831455437957,0.0,0.42061783276435416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03335312816594961
suicidewatch,Fin_25,2019/01/02,"Can you help me? I’m M16 and basically I’m worried about my mental health and my closest friend is too,, they’ve basically begged me to get help but I made them swear not to contact parents,, school etc about it. I want to open a convo with my parents about getting checked out and seeing if I’m okay but I don’t have the guts to do it. If you’ve spoken to your parents before,, how did you do it?? How did you open the convo up?? Any help is appreciated so many thanks in advance ",0.1726897689768947,2.398572861386139,2.2964603960396026,93.58911303630363,87.71287128712869,4.554785478547855,20.297854785478552,5.985473137389443,-0.07159471947194751,373,12,84,3,12,125,62,101,0.027000000000000003,0.759,0.214,0.9634,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,1,1,7,3,0,0,3,1,9,2,1,3,0,16,18,10,0,3,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,13,3,12,15,1,7,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,2,0,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303573711491475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311607071391634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378764140522494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810103379932754,0.0,0.20030268172804155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376000370264835,0.0,0.0,0.38546202373742505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813839361330822,0.0,0.19434595520590486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318080189039208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6385550069629188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940028917767747,0.1527539841512036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648456084634245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306511438060993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946728860023922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,celestialevent,2019/01/02,"I turn 29 tomorrow, I have failed as a woman. My life is valueless. I turn 29 tomorrow and have absolutely nothing to show for it. I am ashamed because I am still a single woman and have not gotten married or had children. I am now going to be 29 which is an age that is far too old to get married, I stress everyday about how I have wasted my life and have nothing to show for it. There are people in my life who constantly comment about this and pity me because of it. I am at odds with myself, I have failed in every way and there is no way to undo it now. I try to have my hobbies keep me bus y (computer programming and playing guitar) but I don't even feel like doing that anymore. I don't want to live to see 29 because I know life doesn't improve for someone like me.",4.115214723926378,4.099794171779145,5.679883435582823,83.37270858895707,70.47239263803681,8.48319018404908,30.410429447852763,8.238735603445708,2.0422618404907973,602,23,129,8,10,206,90,163,0.15,0.841,0.009000000000000001,-0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,0,2,3,0,22,4,0,1,0,16,32,10,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,7,0,1,2,4,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,2,22,3,19,29,1,16,0,3,1,0,5,4,0,1,11,94,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658550412079398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071869707310839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152069096241474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094553056436696,0.0,0.14152570674141596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493292174869077,0.12000097041522367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775970975550408,0.0,0.0954637427713638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930339639467638,0.0,0.0,0.09231435694069147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745812460701535,0.16412764911703304,0.0,0.1483245041429167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223520026679416,0.0,0.17626091390844506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645232374911048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338538775163065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232419425704435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414460131832542,0.0,0.1924141485491556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404361569760385,0.3654159019005576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907567423373223,0.2666605769584237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rosethebosethenose,2019/01/02,"I want to die so bad I would never act on it, but it still hurts real bad.

Wish I didn't feel like this. Wish I never have felt like this. I don't feel like this all the time. But it has been a voice that's been getting louder lately.

Existing hurts. I am not mentally capable of handling this all. Once again I would never act on it, so Im kind of in limbo at this very moment.",-0.8233734939759003,1.1785211807228926,1.7216987951807248,97.50206626506028,90.20481927710844,4.765783132530121,14.324096385542171,6.2581,-0.7643484337349391,290,5,70,3,10,99,52,83,0.312,0.604,0.084,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,5,17,16,4,1,5,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,4,7,4,7,10,2,14,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,11,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276429363536981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179903526003998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739878350802154,0.2365162536940533,0.15893941120705415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648512468202525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544169520004753,0.0,0.17880603928346248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237906861332056,0.0,0.0,0.186730516145526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261589237020084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668201902593422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830120337215315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628920820282154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841489460197444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219634161003274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652469972650972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658358391805248,0.09763674085673064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807138063338441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351824099240693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kiwisnipezz,2019/01/02,"i want to blow my fucking head off. schools starting up again for me in 2 days, I’m a freshman in high school and i am failing math and english. and have 6 months left. i am so fucking dead. i don’t want to retake shit i just want it to end. let alone that every time I go to school all i think about is going home. i go home, my body is completely sore and in pain and I go to sleep immediately and end up in an endless cycle of sleep and school.",-0.49045454545454703,1.4576532755102036,1.73148423005566,98.51676252319113,87.67346938775509,4.379962894248608,19.11317254174397,5.565023196281405,-0.5032571428571431,343,10,85,2,11,115,62,98,0.201,0.759,0.039,-0.9582,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,2,0,7,9,5,0,1,13,19,8,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,12,0,15,18,1,20,0,1,0,2,0,9,3,0,7,49,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324603347483988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153629713302343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501397167388458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919762716163511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450007956957517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653098963416128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557282075438715,0.0,0.0,0.314415936877214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194456087508825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613066585145093,0.27746967448006943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027273589630366,0.14142994930959618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103966323890614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717013842182233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599028875917244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197182560180358,0.0,0.0,0.27681703836379473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789556325667594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862258822735973,0.0,0.0,0.08064887693238461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447340479611247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mythrowawaynote,2019/01/02,"tonight i find out grades which will make or break my entire future and i’ve never felt more anxious or not okay in my life. i’m almost positive i failed and idk how to come back from this if i failed either one of the classes i’m going to find out my grades from ill be put on academic probation at my uni and as i’m in my 3rd year already that would pretty much guarantee i don’t graduate on time or get accepted to any grad school

i’m almost positive i failed at least one of the classes. i’ve never felt so anxious or unstable in my life. i don’t even want to be alive to find out how i did 

i feel like such a disappointment to everyone, to my parents paying for my school, and all the people that believe in me, and even myself. i hate the person i am and i have no idea how i’m going to come back from this and ever have any chance of being anything but a failure. i don’t want to exist in this world anymore ",3.3611362748926186,3.73654665989848,4.9951269035533015,86.24064818430305,72.248730964467,8.091995314330338,25.81374463100352,8.139509932561175,1.3677078484966811,720,21,160,10,13,245,103,197,0.119,0.777,0.104,-0.7035,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,1,0,6,1,12,3,0,4,4,41,29,18,0,4,8,1,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,12,0,0,8,0,1,5,7,5,0,2,3,3,22,3,29,21,5,28,0,4,0,0,2,13,0,7,10,109,28,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620336274214706,0.0,0.14438459129331555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779506311312703,0.0,0.0,0.2956226826635868,0.12975758100524118,0.0,0.0,0.10766972260323196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012149281604788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741126014220654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254132090376084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283645111085427,0.11835177706867665,0.0,0.1250227055369044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615635935421046,0.0934717322587091,0.25125278889154273,0.0,0.3587546724820605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835821464596953,0.0,0.14871815409264685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917687329537333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770181801443152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483155183737707,0.06392154839013046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733635169646732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961820534538423,0.0,0.20182290622722807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732040070212784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528173013844334,0.0,0.0,0.09070760335285144,0.11424396473753698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331107626044892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315297896203691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26483302577089723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629353795582683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434500009929342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294459433141823,0.0,0.0,0.08425631879658275
suicidewatch,violetsuzette,2019/01/02,Just feeling rather rough My drinking spiralled out of control. I just hate what I’ve become. I’m so disgusted with myself. ,1.923260869565219,4.618151652173914,2.5568478260869583,86.97266304347826,97.69565217391305,4.039130434782609,27.48913043478261,5.985473137389443,1.47248695652174,100,5,16,1,4,31,20,23,0.304,0.64,0.056,-0.8208,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111877490707546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51913201800875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534223689153811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23403374603989144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569741723115627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bununny,2019/01/02,Wish I had a best friend so i can tell them. I really want it to stop. Like right now. I'm out of hope ,-4.611600000000003,-3.843512959999997,-0.8959999999999989,110.39200000000002,118.6,3.6,5.0,5.6839178017228535,-2.4042,76,0,24,1,5,27,22,25,0.068,0.403,0.529,0.9312,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912025976415016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880037398156687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702480147570776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182118213055761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388081321153725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31834637570438834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116551844859051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258203094871869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987136044184616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286709173365725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fsdfdsfdsfdsfhgfh,2019/01/02,"Sexuality struggle. 5 years of mental torture I'm 25 years old and male and ever since I turned 21 I had discovered all of these weird fetishes I had, on top of just being attracted to women. 

I've become almost addicted to crossdressing and cuckolding for sexual purposes only and have gotten into some strange types of porn, mostly humiliation, some with men involved. I can confidently say that men aren't attractive to me in almost any way. If it makes sense, what being the receiving partner signifies in my head is more of a turn on than anything else. Total emasculation.

For almost 5 years now I've watched as my life went don the drain. Anxiety levels are extremely high, I'm depressed, my car has been repossessed and I can barely keep a job. My stress levels are through the roof, and who I am sexually has much to do with this. My sexuality and the stress of that on my conscious runs through my mind almost 24 hours a day and it has brought me to the point of wanting to kill myself to get out of it.

On another note, I thought maybe if I told my family members that I'm a crossdresser, the stress on my mind would go away, since they are really the ones I fear finding out. My family members have accepted me with open arms. I feel that I'm just not able to accept this part of myself, and as a result I will be alone for the rest of my life. No woman wants a crossdressing, bisexual-leaning man, and I don't want to lie to her and be stuck in a crappy relationship cause I wasn't totally honest about myself with her.

​

Idk, my life just feels destroyed.",6.240815295815295,6.333100902597405,7.0976190476190535,74.65293650793653,65.94805194805194,10.610678210678213,32.046176046176036,10.380263240014207,3.218153102453102,1250,46,238,29,18,418,174,308,0.183,0.7859999999999999,0.031,-0.9921,1,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,1,1,6,15,3,5,15,0,25,7,2,3,4,53,46,15,1,6,6,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,0,7,12,19,0,1,7,0,0,6,5,10,0,1,10,4,34,5,45,30,10,33,0,1,1,1,16,18,0,9,8,162,46,2,0.10300370701130526,0.0,0.0,0.11228924456051306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125733348686851,0.10668077617102324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160447351225504,0.1251607783362948,0.07004605291530581,0.10800836786001417,0.07879755393010443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476327438567875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677537341181387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375950180372675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581318077755146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642886973821956,0.0,0.08871694191602683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604638006094628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317275006524244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420545575018516,0.11590780712287148,0.10416353836004366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414352213884253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381518559217974,0.0,0.058539380415884364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057115199637914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882907175338558,0.0,0.0,0.10143790288940156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221528547599454,0.09155442752610478,0.11395834053916495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826369333079504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875577426693939,0.0,0.10348106833206618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380350993695307,0.0,0.208008762050456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571957641173797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808506341983744,0.0,0.06979797762775046,0.07833896070690073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154297705527123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973717968660702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598681227210011,0.0,0.0,0.11058743326889676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191268208146556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041146170138033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35397119510475433,0.1076818390707161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177343774125348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842445617619193,0.0,0.0,0.2240769099384916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822627653878804,0.0817595481976584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548546834946166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317087814010137,0.0,0.1251607783362948,0.19899303061827295
suicidewatch,Schayt,2019/01/02,"My 2018 resolution was to kill myself. I didn’t. But I tried everything and failed and want to die, more than ever Sorry for the crosspost, but I am really getting desperate...

​

I want to die. I don’t even just want to stop the suffering, I just want to die. There is nothing giving me joy in life. I have tried everything.

I am lonely. I don’t have any friends… well, at least no one to talk to. Not like talking has ever helped… I have one single friend that may become a true friendship but nothing’s settled. Chances are that nothing will even come out of it because of my social incompetence and limited time. 

 I never grew up with a family. I come out of an emotionally fucked household. I moved a lot when I was younger. Came from a different country. Didn’t know the language for the most critical phase of social interaction. Came out fucked and without any real friends up until this day. 

 Any attempt to expose myself to raw social feedback where I would re-learn social interactions failed. Partly because of medication. In the end, every attempt I made at approaching people backfired and lead to me becoming even more anxious than I was in the beginning. I can’t do this alone anymore. Any way where I would go out to night clubs with a wingman to train my social skills is blocked, just impossible with current logistics. I have no hope of getting better at this currently.

I am also officially “smart”. That doesn’t matter though. You know why? Because I have problems with concentration and headaches. I can’t concentrate for shit. When I can’t concentrate, and try to force concentration, I get headaches. Whenever I force myself to do things, I get headaches. I can’t train myself to get more concentrated because of the headaches. It’s a negative feedback loop. I try to get myself used to concentrate more -> I get headache -> Direct negative feedback to me trying to concentrate more -> negative reinforcement -> repeat. 

 One might say, maybe it’s the nutrition? Okay. Great. I have an (yet) untreatable eating disorder which disallows me to eat any vegetables and most fruits because the texture makes me LITERALLY THROW UP. I’ve tried for years now fixing this, gradual exposure doesn’t. fucking. Work. 

 Maybe it’s exercise? Well. I’ve tried going to the gym. I’ve been for a long time. I went for months on end, and the habit didn’t even stick. Why? Because it makes me feel SO FUCKING TERRIBLE, because my nutrition is so shit. Every time I felt my blood sugar fall so heavily that I felt dizzy every single day. Because I just couldn’t find a good breakfast. The last day of me going to the gym was marked my me being on the edge of passing out while doing exercises. I’ve also tried running, felt terrible. 

 I did a lot of sports when I was younger. I did gymnastics, basketball, ping pong, dancing, judo, karate, soccer, Muay Thai, swimming. Nothing even remotely stuck with me.   
 I don’t even have hobbies. I played guitar for 6 years and I recently gave up on playing. Why? Because I can’t improve in my playing. My fingers are hyperflexible and as such can’t develop muscles without SERIOUS effort. Which would remove any aspect of fun in that activity. I also played piano. Same problem with fingers. Did I mention that I have concentration problems and that any kind of practice is a real drag?   
 I’ve played video games. I’ve lost interest in them, they just aren’t fun anymore. I have no hobbies. No activity that provides me with any fun or fulfillment. 

You might ask: “Why didn’t you seek out help earlier?” Well. I did. I am in therapy since February 2018. Switched therapists in July. I even was in the hospital for a couple of weeks in August because of a psychotic episode. Great. Now I’m also crazy. Did I already mention that I have depression? Yeah, and also another untreatable disorder called Misophonia which makes me hyper-sensitive to sounds and makes my life a living hell. I’ve already tried killing myself in March. 

I know that everyone is going to say that I should get immediate help. I know that I should be in the hospital right now. But if I go in the hospital right now, I would destroy my whole life for the next 9 months. And I’m not sure how I would survive that. I don’t even know what the hospital is going to do for me. They are probably going to label this depressive episode as a psychotic one again and are going to lock me up and put me under medication that is going to MURDER MY THOUGHTS. I would rather be dead that let that happen again. And even if they label it as a depressive episode, I know how the hospital works. There is a good chance that I am going to get released after 2 weeks and then have to wait MONTHS to get stationary treatment. I didn’t even mention how every professional I have talked to has no clue on what to do. My complications are so interwoven and complex that not a single out of the probably 10 professionals already has any clue on what to do.

We haven’t even talked about what happens if I go to the hospital. I would ruin my path of study, I would have literally NOTHING to do for 9 months. Not only that, I would also be 100% isolated from any social contact in these 9 months. I would lose THE ONLY POTENTIAL FRIEND AND PARTNER I CAN TALK TO and I would be torn out of society for all that time. 

I am just really tired of everything. I am tired of living. I tried 3 different meds. I’ve tried every possible hobby, I’ve tried fixing my nutrition, I tried physical activity. I’ve talked to tons of professionals. I am just tired. I would rather stop living at all. There is no hope. Whatever I do, there is no way for me to recover.

I am an academical failure. And there is nothing in my power to change that. I am a social failure. And there is nothing in my power to change that. I am so fake in interactions that I have never had *real impact* on any human being on earth. I am nothing. I represent nothing. There is no unique human value behind me. I am just wasted potential. I am worthless. If I would die the only people that would cry are my degenerate parents. 

I want to fucking die.

TLDR: Read the last 3 /4  paragraphs.",2.945668332755975,5.536318601368697,4.308219075426482,81.38239011940702,78.5551753635586,7.594146300079888,27.2830560838182,8.551174737848044,2.3685490473598256,4851,206,880,109,121,1598,406,1169,0.215,0.6890000000000001,0.096,-0.9995,8,3,0,0,0,6,174.0,1,3,4,16,62,59,12,0,46,2,119,26,5,10,8,144,185,57,9,33,25,1,6,1,4,20,10,3,0,3,44,44,6,5,13,18,0,28,39,30,3,4,29,11,135,29,137,128,19,126,1,11,0,5,44,46,8,14,51,617,179,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03349576750864037,0.10706807640423636,0.1551796513359277,0.0,0.035041716341637406,0.039298142391016234,0.2419246490620233,0.03391260645710804,0.0,0.03653639178845392,0.06414763271091166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03023469047287097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971491764948376,0.07143670980060582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028603195587995945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033024018533328675,0.07397951772818026,0.0,0.0,0.06842548005096558,0.055718223280335336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035784963155260315,0.035525329775153665,0.06257226624540267,0.0,0.08356637907469447,0.0,0.16782548782854045,0.06757941752665526,0.07413171810872034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661863180761346,0.0,0.03637953816103063,0.057289472476026414,0.0,0.0,0.2349718993088265,0.05850900014680844,0.1362444334985105,0.03090343752239749,0.08719865423725356,0.0,0.030488439568012164,0.0,0.01635270096925421,0.0,0.09315797675102253,0.0,0.029559304339442368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496027750854925,0.14949476047438645,0.16896961287010254,0.031024661109972956,0.2021829706885101,0.05425258967723247,0.0,0.07131265504723121,0.0,0.0,0.05719849742963445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335529833492713,0.0,0.0,0.06424429060294685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156157308512624,0.03367842111298388,0.10664338702630778,0.05272484870903008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033071105607019126,0.06853071555896019,0.015800294582700453,0.0,0.08567371330420805,0.028620976669645457,0.0,0.03618157118494575,0.035304280168168195,0.05499072564368542,0.0,0.03060206004717875,0.0863521062512671,0.0,0.06498223824018454,0.0,0.03592382305020825,0.06516078680315747,0.0,0.06861788237394775,0.0,0.0,0.12907233249464925,0.0343736162635857,0.0,0.0,0.0498871108763582,0.0,0.03439527202503801,0.0303500596915387,0.0,0.2792905988716505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766103566567206,0.07379090335357723,0.0,0.0,0.035911115914492184,0.03502240760486527,0.0,0.04484268263085718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03645988490387186,0.0,0.0,0.0697386461345158,0.0928385869339207,0.0,0.0325118754902271,0.0,0.0,0.03234998859568222,0.11043422293801776,0.04143724861842394,0.0,0.0319330694644245,0.0,0.0,0.05523847868992975,0.0,0.051438098849438216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663956292230669,0.026753005118777155,0.0,0.0,0.2307747251841167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03620336655514335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054077443880864905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030481232750566845,0.0,0.0,0.15596796547802053,0.0,0.0,0.03698502261624618,0.03755066839058205,0.021486080528111514,0.0,0.031775100751863364,0.025675329307430488,0.07543374056593573,0.11151448164305333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285448497299514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027932444523250964,0.0,0.0,0.0953784963895017,0.051341936501285115,0.05188437841079397,0.0,0.08723596718325448,0.029980650339099694,0.11673174268764043,0.03610783568924562,0.0,0.06235159596102545,0.0,0.04708961085086332,0.0,0.0,0.3216400118908637,0.0,0.039298142391016234,0.0416533920397172
suicidewatch,RomanianChic2,2019/01/02,I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I can't go on. I'll wait until tonight when the train comes and write notes today. I don't want to hear that it gets better because it doesn't. I cant live in this pain anymore. Thank you for taking the time to read this.,-1.4106766917293214,0.4746395614035137,1.0418546365914807,102.0963157894737,91.98245614035088,3.2571428571428567,13.406015037593985,3.1291,-1.6419353383458648,193,3,49,0,7,65,41,57,0.095,0.804,0.101,0.078,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,16,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,6,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30378575951061604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867289868303717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709139255469981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638663667306235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003883545098435,0.0,0.17408793013884366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452433458663124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704849523546689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259446073957443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30640151289721457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303134794614981,0.0,0.0,0.28201702892101554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861684992976784,0.0,0.2903542336588095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067465776791897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DyingCatastrophy,2019/01/02,"It's my birthday in an hour, and I'm sat in the spare room with some pills and razor blade I'm about to turn 24, if I even make it that long, and I have nothing to show for it. I've not even been in my first job for an entire year, and the reason it's my first job is because I was too lazy to get one while studying at University. I just kept using my mental health as an excuse to ""focus"" on my studies, and not get a job.

I'm in a five year relationship with a man who has the ability to make every arguement my fault, which is fine when it is or when I have blame to share, but it makes me feel crazy when I'm certain he's at fault and I'm being made to feel that I'm actually to blame. Every arguement he talks down to me in such a condescending way as if I'm an idiot, and then wonders why I'm so uncomfortable to bring up any issue I have in our relationship.

We live with his mother and step father, who are nice enough but make it quite clear that they look down on us somewhat. We're not tidy enough because we watch an episode of tv after dinner instead of immediately washing the dishes. We enjoy a pizza every now and again, and ordered a few takeaways when I was struggling with joint pain and couldn't cook, therefore we're always unhealthy - of course they ignore all the home cooked meals I've prepared.

And then there's my job. I love the job I do, I'm a cleaner, but I customers treat me like total shit on a damn near constant basis. I already spent 20 years of my life being abused by my relatives and bullies at school, to have total strangers treat me as beneath them simply because of the job I do, it's soul crushing. I used to be able to get by, because I got on really well with my coworkers, but that's all changed. A lot of them having been making passive aggressive snipes, and any joke I make is met with the utmost seriousness and turned against me. There's also their patronising of me for wanting to do hours that no one else wants to in order to earn some extra money, because apparently I'm young and not yet frightened of ""the tax Boogeyman"". Any opinion I have is brushed off because I'm too young to know what I'm talking about, and therefore I'm irrelevant.

I'm just so tired of trying and getting nowhere. I don't know if I'm going to take my life or not, I just grabbed anything that could do the job, and took it all into this room with me, just in case. I've tried watching some videos that usually cheer me up, but it's not helping this time. I feel empty, hollow, and alone. I'm not writing this to reach out or get help. I just want to be heard without being made to feel bad for it, I wanted to clear my head of all this shit to see if it would help make me feel better, and, if I do take my life, then I wanted this to explain why.",7.813993115318418,4.927447418244412,8.035734251290881,78.84330189328745,64.49053356282272,10.604089500860583,34.77184165232358,8.109356740369918,2.4545317865748717,2174,67,477,19,25,717,263,581,0.134,0.748,0.118,-0.9339,8,1,0,0,1,0,56.0,5,0,5,5,26,25,5,1,24,0,31,18,3,14,9,109,93,48,0,13,26,2,6,1,0,1,8,1,3,1,28,33,6,3,10,6,3,4,11,12,1,5,13,12,56,13,79,72,15,58,1,0,4,1,32,26,3,15,26,308,84,10,0.06833279669606565,0.08096319022323244,0.06668295245093253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077216928389693,0.07540694035674,0.05464571282988424,0.05685836087733831,0.0,0.0,0.13940593495430534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623206934924873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057055030978390014,0.24993023174299914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043480567184744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228703829893841,0.0,0.0,0.07384347755768106,0.0,0.054558177871535406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708328336660445,0.0,0.0,0.1412120909899735,0.0,0.090266335511594,0.0,0.17271998515737155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275557590171198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624768392369615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850532970759245,0.0,0.03883510309229194,0.0,0.054651979837619914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012916342248746,0.07263456750228729,0.0,0.0,0.13740609969551335,0.0,0.06854336660184157,0.0,0.13458808030386618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132168633275543,0.4746682975814053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510783601427765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479642544193752,0.03338395284281413,0.0,0.06033911139749627,0.06047237476830793,0.057382339170078026,0.0,0.0,0.05809410014706076,0.06167301690870454,0.12931628890344088,0.3192887068524031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886338702432647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556716137559328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260814301586508,0.0,0.07271091350500232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268034053646884,0.0,0.0,0.043775739324760136,0.07025749581477411,0.0,0.14672770163259954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915643837032345,0.054452391889751976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028526767967406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143627574753303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275551798793016,0.10984662716792612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984540327127038,0.07853849764165356,0.0,0.0,0.07592025141898935,0.09278696694809876,0.14865292109757758,0.0,0.0,0.08219594083002306,0.11803519306149007,0.07525892157591538,0.0,0.20152226966526854,0.054239393387459166,0.0,0.0,0.06143939066873831,0.0,0.1233194410631572,0.0,0.0,0.06587037755347071,0.0741040031349312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854165820916878,0.0,0.0,0.13201224208056886
suicidewatch,Vampedface,2019/01/02,"I've lost all reasons to live 2018 was the worst year of my entire life. I was in a toxic relationship with a guy i did not love, yet could not break up.  During this time i developed bulimia and depression. After the messy beakup in july, my depression got worse and worse.
I was isolating myself and was not the person i used to be. At parties, i was quiet, during school, i kept being silent. I really wanted to end my life, but wasn't consistent enough. 
Here i am, suffering. I switched from my ED to alcoholism. My feelings got worse and worse. Also, my parents are divorcing and none of them really care for me anymore. My what used to be friends all left me. My best friend hates me as well.
The only thing keeping me alive was, that my cat would miss me and so would the only teacher that seriously asked me what is wrong and is worried about my wellbeing. 
To say that, my cat hates me now. 
I dont know what to do, i've been planning to commit but still do not have the strength to end it all. I dont know what to do. 

(I am not sure if this is the right place to post, but i dont have anyone to turn to and this felt like it belonged here. Anyways, thank you for your attention) ",2.1793014561196387,3.9119666074380177,3.5811452184179484,89.91271349862261,77.14049586776859,7.088862652499016,22.680834317197966,7.957251820313856,0.9957478945297122,917,27,200,15,21,301,131,242,0.191,0.6809999999999999,0.128,-0.9132,1,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,2,1,4,10,20,2,0,9,0,29,4,0,3,5,37,49,15,0,5,9,1,2,1,2,2,3,2,0,2,13,9,1,2,6,0,0,0,10,10,1,0,14,4,36,10,26,29,7,17,0,5,0,1,13,7,0,1,9,146,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395349879010988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527081788946479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574687582764293,0.07455716575008786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968330627353143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119000912992183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871491949235056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513422570124388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367803846484015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749036213036951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888825035665898,0.1101758021903918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391460185710492,0.0,0.10238013556676033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476191607205573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056119423457652,0.0,0.0,0.1055790347806875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105472477884317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477636005918487,0.0,0.0,0.11720053184744632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585223832963636,0.0,0.15062980528581355,0.05209332655522272,0.0,0.0941549686725705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639766499107465,0.0,0.09623643505003517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219164375207454,0.0,0.0,0.11839839304922425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310394244071156,0.11140414652402356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212068200841806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661796699619375,0.1096319147604782,0.0,0.11447916476268268,0.0,0.091060204407797,0.0,0.08479530766715741,0.0,0.1079137915268428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515370273917452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049615234513197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981692485738432,0.0,0.0,0.07083927476695358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217596861905515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159812500123202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841856740605988,0.0,0.0,0.06289228511225968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587187762126892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828647471999163,0.43465443330359776,0.15149173403931027,0.1165815874010848,0.0,0.06866529425449636
suicidewatch,ThatDoucheInTheQuad,2019/01/02,"I can't do it anymore. I'm 25. I've failed out of college twice. I'm in debt. My only 2 serious relationships, one of 3 years, the other of 4, have been complete failures.  One girl told me I was the father of her unborn child only for me to find out it was the child of a guy she was engaged too, something I had no clue about.  The other I just discovered was cheating on me after we had gotten back together a 3rd time to trying to  make things work.... 5 weeks after we got back together after she told me she wanted us to get engaged, I caught her cheating... now she says she is falling for him.   She was gonna be the one. I had the ring and everything, I thought we were finally ready.  I lost my job and was unemployed for a while.  I spent a week in jail in 2018 and am now on probation.  College won't let me back in because of it.  All my friends have left the area.  I'm so alone.  I've spent today learning how to OD on adderall, looking for pretty locations to hang myself (there is this rope swing by the river, my favorite place.... I think that would be nice). I can't find the firing pin to my roommates shot gun, that would be the easiest.

Nothing make sense, I can't escape the pain, its been non stop for years..  The only way i can see to leave it behind is to fucking do this.  Feeling nothing is better than pain.",1.4884363636363638,3.25420133454546,3.2890909090909126,91.0736363636364,79.29090909090908,6.0,23.363636363636363,6.918507183188421,0.7019818181818183,1017,34,222,11,25,340,152,275,0.114,0.7809999999999999,0.104,0.0655,4,1,1,1,0,1,44.0,4,0,0,4,11,13,3,0,16,0,32,3,0,3,1,23,54,6,1,3,1,1,2,0,1,4,2,2,0,4,12,8,0,1,6,0,3,3,5,8,0,4,21,6,37,5,36,25,1,33,0,2,2,1,23,12,1,0,17,153,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746675628914514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220555800546765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839071665257303,0.0,0.07502430277613657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884827643269684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903994712790914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061028935008277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222952641940532,0.0,0.0,0.13482071504748125,0.2249734173931345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508607738857557,0.11377922416602206,0.0643006865223457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843291035401744,0.0,0.0,0.12186185389319143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213119692630213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031678730719748,0.13371943179677367,0.12585072300657366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335052205270848,0.0,0.13434897632958467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430468237136714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23618417986052745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501928310726409,0.2808082272394567,0.2619172023433252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858533756258164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520972736502406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213459735735786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787277763268128,0.0,0.0,0.09807343531507838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474779043646582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028947367473224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176438977190965,0.07886036060659413,0.0,0.09770640253666583,0.07176499405646124,0.0,0.1166590378286597,0.23520350373509985,0.0,0.08355864898911174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480419501585276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259178373130054,0.0976898067156384,0.19744385365692765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959878212268681,0.0,0.0,0.17485539243536954,0.0,0.0,0.15851025865800106
suicidewatch,GodSpeedBoys,2019/01/02,"The end. This is the last thing I'll ever post before it's over, I wish it didn't come to this but my depression has come to the point of no return where all I think about is suicide from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep. Take care, cya space cowboys.",2.469210526315792,3.0634176315789503,3.6306578947368418,94.41335526315792,74.43859649122807,6.401754385964912,19.513157894736842,5.985473137389443,-0.281347368421053,203,3,49,1,4,66,42,57,0.21600000000000005,0.69,0.094,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,4,2,2,0,2,7,10,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,9,1,14,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22354806768399732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678518001396116,0.0,0.0,0.452605250263265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627295995183985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326843400677287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376375187060727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414486984786468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483472064847489,0.0,0.25160491894918124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629011457218691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28736365224416244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752629200578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453379311243628,0.1683348692661803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021051662748936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uniSean,2019/01/02,"Why do I have to die? I'll feel fine, then this voice takes over my brain, SCREAMING at me. ""You are not allowed to feel good or have fun. Die. Die now!""",-2.00181818181818,-0.14968996969696846,-0.5008484848484844,110.40872727272726,100.21212121212122,2.64,12.66060606060606,3.1291,-2.057237575757576,113,2,31,0,5,35,27,33,0.324,0.507,0.16899999999999998,-0.8528,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,5,7,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978636695467356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8307631158463173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698283195935077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379919277138446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006183346248282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24076703010597705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fartgupp,2019/01/02,"Just need some company please Please somebody help me. I just need some company because everyone else is fast asleep (almost midnight here) and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Check my post history, got a really difficult day tomorrow and I need someone to talk to right now. Don't know where to turn so I'm trying this subreddit as I'm struggling with suicidal thoughts as well. They're not really that bad tonight so my main reason for reaching out is to find some company. I'm so fucking lonely and jeez I'm rambling.. Sorry",2.0257239819004518,4.812356127450983,3.43470588235294,84.4123303167421,85.76470588235293,7.452187028657618,26.473604826546005,8.384062270229773,2.4710926093514343,423,19,77,11,13,138,71,102,0.153,0.698,0.15,-0.3201,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,1,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,21,17,8,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,2,1,7,2,9,15,4,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,2,4,6,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549401359481442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633181083185792,0.10683470199858784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130259082074488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640427110498105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674650433309705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861492429150666,0.12520323908927922,0.0,0.0,0.1601812153890778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202175905157334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016858878254138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747070061418942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963163586379812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562144632021358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960671327219868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695904911907082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898512991666892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847578954474825,0.0,0.0,0.1678472286368271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245475323051445,0.18019281403916051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966804616220447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849421683920916,0.0,0.0,0.19618524135025536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321608822155824,0.0,0.1917021051956527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408644916286414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391340407321849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898762179494465,0.19062868564467866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757659121011885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sahnti,2019/01/02,"No problems, no will to live Tl;dr is the title.

I am a 22 year old male, I have been struggling with myself ever since I became a teenager. For a good long while I was sure that my “problems” were temporary and due to my age. I wanted to be liked, successful etc...

Anyway. This post will not have any structure so it might be hard to read, I apologize for that. 

I used to live in a country ravaged by a cruel government, hatred, and polarization. That led all of us to really small social circles. When you are out of that circle you keep it to yourself, you do not exchange any opinion with anybody. This is probably unimaginable to Westerners who are reading this rn, but imagine feeling that people you look at during your daily commute or university actually hates you .

Moreover, on a personal level, I always hated myself. Even before I faced the reality of my “hometown.” I cannot see any reason to love myself. I hate that I exist. If I knew I could erase myself off from everyone’s minds, I would not hesitate a second. But I just feel too sorry for my mom when I contemplate about putting an end to all this burden.

Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t done anything that is hard to explain. I am not saying these out of regret. I made okay mistakes, and among my peers I am considered a nice example. Everyone I talk to somehow points to something nice about me. Yesterday a friend of mine said I was smart, the day before another friend said that I am her go-to person in case of any trouble. People see something good in me, and I can justify that. I am not trying to brag, just trying to tell you that from outside my life and personality seem okay, or even great.

But on the inside I am in pieces. I have lost connection with the world around me. I do not listen to people when they talk to me, I just ask them questions to keep them talking. When I feel like telling sth I decide to keep it myself. I either smoke weed, drink alcohol, read a book or write some poems/stories and these are all I want to do. Not because they mean sth to me but they keep me occupied. I am just trying to keep myself occupied until I die.

I recently moved to a new country, to a top level university. The education here is really great, and I am doing well. I have one or two friends in this new country so far, and I am okay with them too. I exercise, play basketball, meet up with people etc. 

But all these, everything I told you does not make me feel any better. The last thing I say every night is “I hope I won’t wake up” and I am disappointed every time my alarm rings. 

I cant even identify why the hell I want to die. But I just want to. Everything I do, everything I want to do, I can or will do seems pointless. Even when I dream of being a well-known writer or a good researcher in my field I say “then what?” Dreaming about having my own family does not excite me. I dont even flirt with anyone, because why would I? 

I have had suicidal thoughts for a really long while, once (few years ago) I got really close to cutting my wrists but I ended up having a breakdown and I could not manage to kill myself. After that passed I decided that I am not gonna cause any sorrow to anyone, at least not like that.

I have never seen a psychologist or psychiatrist. I was advised many times but I dont feel like going (and I cant afford it anymore anyway). I dont believe that some advice or medication could give me a reason to live.

I dont know if it is possible to make sense out of what I just wrote. There are SO many things I want to talk about but I can’t disclose them to people I know. They have no idea I have suicidal thoughts, I just occasionally tell them I feel lazy but thats it. 

When I was a kid, like ten year old, I dreamt of studying somehing similar to what I am studying now. I dreamt of living abroad, alone. I have almost everything I wanted, but I feel like there is a black hole in my heart that is robbing me of any positive thing I can feel.

Do not worry about me, I dont think I will kill myself. I just wanted to get it out of my chest. If you read it until here, thank you for your patience. I hope you have a nice new year.",2.6869330293137104,4.283151831942789,4.327620873710941,85.69295002677445,75.37663885578071,7.342909951460503,23.959181910832427,8.088419202927124,1.2959334991622191,3213,99,665,52,69,1079,343,839,0.123,0.721,0.155,0.9731,1,1,5,0,0,3,105.0,1,12,9,4,40,52,8,2,30,3,80,11,5,8,7,138,139,47,6,22,44,1,10,6,3,9,4,7,0,5,39,23,2,5,25,10,1,5,29,20,1,4,19,22,143,32,91,105,13,73,1,4,5,1,58,29,1,22,44,487,182,10,0.0,0.0,0.04679234347276068,0.0,0.0,0.04685624547337939,0.042504836676799766,0.05124403355814342,0.04801506055708318,0.049661803080498654,0.0,0.0,0.03989829264725943,0.0,0.0,0.22825380428509484,0.05027982067838601,0.0,0.0,0.04755357677574768,0.06705559626097515,0.0,0.03945881528131629,0.042685721037862494,0.044826835034492835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058459825278184926,0.0,0.08160394186770803,0.0540232996213068,0.0,0.04240793307386141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492579219584203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485266793299374,0.0,0.0,0.030923823074842118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995291876954863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392284448561459,0.04906956116453247,0.2809855767942341,0.04697280582048685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493904490936552,0.0,0.10695398794803104,0.1583528180757274,0.043373576123881034,0.08079999033276987,0.0916366778788938,0.17237769496292016,0.0,0.045203050853148304,0.0,0.19395993602114567,0.10276660127042092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111382964886184,0.0,0.050103856487411697,0.04599806857046166,0.05450225030248136,0.12065471067931845,0.03835004477208835,0.10573022490646246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590767410687987,0.14202227679447366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568210541466927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525046136491357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054129783311720935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310109066230234,0.10609927805856413,0.0,0.05270419996567975,0.03908570020617539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03386854672685473,0.14055586897255548,0.0,0.16936313234962827,0.08486859164954681,0.040265975410919135,0.0,0.05234315676325549,0.0,0.043276802902765324,0.04537150789360357,0.06401407722827239,0.0972276732846397,0.0,0.05223167438216129,0.0,0.04830464269782775,0.0,0.050867438122992485,0.048415893428669685,0.056158532896440336,0.0,0.05096332728027435,0.0,0.0,0.036982043715786284,0.13893140555205832,0.0,0.04499788480720068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006310476574346,0.05106525093505116,0.0324922028577058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621267700766004,0.1256044334263484,0.0,0.0,0.045328307265077465,0.054056490091372346,0.04592290461794976,0.0,0.051698276663454834,0.09176346676028686,0.0,0.048203056041538885,0.053715043143954325,0.0,0.1918521512165057,0.0,0.12287214977563983,0.09860129927870286,0.04734490132489296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912229785202009,0.11439544124061694,0.0,0.0,0.07641998233637028,0.0873038708349828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966478665334553,0.0,0.0,0.04887904954854568,0.0,0.07382860045947237,0.0,0.05367616849647818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501278157060165,0.0,0.10489917007814764,0.0,0.0451923658151442,0.0,0.0,0.15416177355218474,0.12573140258864912,0.04414597464498698,0.0,0.0,0.09556767133789937,0.030724463486134067,0.0,0.07613398604845557,0.05592013332198735,0.0,0.0,0.045818338939446895,0.0,0.09766483338659697,0.0,0.046840242997683836,0.0,0.05767802045380738,0.04141345795742148,0.0,0.0,0.2262575105150293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622572832371718,0.0,0.0865349453046814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869561534626531,0.0,0.06812469634820477,0.05242586529130177,0.0,0.12351307087247045
suicidewatch,MichaelRGB,2019/01/02,"I don't want to be alive anymore because of my constant physical pain. About two years ago, I had injured my back, and this began a long trend of pain in my lower back and legs progressively getting worse. Even after two surgeries and physical therapy over the years, my pain is still so bad that I can barely get out of bed. To make things worse, my pain management doesn't believe that I'm in this much pain, and now thinks I'm addicted to the only thing that has been making my life bearable, so they are about to cut me off. I've tried pushing through, but I'm so young and my pain is already as bad as it is. It isn't getting better, and will only get worse. I dont have a chance at living a normal life, and what I am doing now is not living. I'm just bed ridden, constantly thinking about suicide to escape this pain I'm always in. I just wish that I could not be in pain anymore. But, I know that wont happen. There are no more surgeries. Doctors are too paranoid to give me adequate pain medication. This really does feel like the end of my rope..",4.31748015873016,4.793709226851857,5.231772486772488,85.03333333333335,70.1574074074074,8.023280423280424,27.92857142857143,7.957251820313856,1.6027126984126985,827,27,173,10,14,271,118,216,0.277,0.669,0.054000000000000006,-0.9946,1,0,0,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,1,2,17,14,1,0,6,0,23,16,1,2,0,24,43,14,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,2,15,0,2,0,14,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,12,0,2,3,1,19,2,25,35,2,25,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,16,116,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601647851442243,0.0,0.0,0.06994320574383714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870719914378464,0.0,0.06565404574247619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565021707798689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213438660249004,0.1317622793163069,0.04809885070576767,0.0,0.0,0.08889724219165056,0.0,0.06978374745232145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705333385819707,0.0,0.06299803670618262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807610915641716,0.0690489981540065,0.0,0.0924743325481215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988509494760015,0.0,0.0,0.05211502784497191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03989598823289107,0.0563686872540102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489532094927592,0.07569144185416875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977411819253182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043363308625250535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114637729335944,0.03854827211314063,0.0,0.13934649956926565,0.06982712828742574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533741861247496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948699081676094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580031626629341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730869240816646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001935816490313,0.7556301326342969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054761248286371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301244941905311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630763942140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023304650805113,0.0,0.10483997934435184,0.10111637352332888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357030767610546,0.0,0.15415453906997548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046539337773996436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073514884214423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122826969604705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162255408455284
suicidewatch,pokemonxdigimon,2019/01/02,"How can I overcome my gambling addiction and to the point I want to commit suicide? I've been playing a video game on and off for 14 years since 2004 which is called RuneScape. I was a teenager when I started playing the game and gradually quit my social life and high school job to play this game for hours on end. I eventually dropped out of high school during my senior year which I regretted till this day. I had a part time job at Smoothie King and quit because of this game. I never talked to my middle and high school friends ever since 2004. I'm still living with my old parents today and they still support me with food, a roof over my head, electricity, water, gas, phone bills, etc. but they sometimes tells me ""if you don't want to get a job in the real world then why not get a ""work at home"" job since I'm tech savvy especially with online video games"" and I tell them, yeah sure, I'll get one ""soon"" but I never do it because I'm lazy and anti-social and English isn't my first language, unfortunately. Anyways, to the point of this topic, I had alot of fun in this game and saved up to a good amount of in-game money to the point where I didn't need to buy any in-game armors or weapons or anything in-game, literally. One day in 2011, I started ""gambling"" away my in-game money to the ""Duel Arena"" which is a place in the game where you gamble your money to fight other players and if you win, you get to keep your money and their items or money, depending on what they put up. At first, I was winning most of these ""duels"" and eventually I got greedy and went ""YOLO"" and put everything I owned up and unfortunately... lost the ""duel"". I got over it at first and left the game until 2016 and got back into it and started from scratch and eventually saved up a decent amount of in-game money and once again decided to ""gamble"" it all away again and this time I lost again. However, this time I didn't get over it and used my parent's credit cards without their permission and spent over $2000 on more in-game money and guess what? I went back to the same place where I lost my in-game money and once and for all, went in with a mindset of ""if I win, I'm breaking even from my losses over the years. If I lose, fuck it, it's just $2000 which I can get back and pay my parents again when I get a job"" and yes, I lose the ""duel"" again. Now, why you might ask ""it's 2 years later, you got over it, right? What's the problem here?"" Well... I got back into the game again and played it normally without spending any real money and got up to a point where I could go to the ""duel arena"" and fight other players for in-game money again... I won a couple first duels and finally ""YOLO"" it again and God was unfortunately not on my side for the final time. I'm really tempted to commit suicide because I'm really useless to my family and friends since I do not work, not have a HS diploma, or any job/skill experience and I waste alot of my parent's money on my never turned off computer, laptop and energy drinks I buy to keep me awake to play the game for 10-16 hours a day. I feel like once I'm gone of this world, my parents and friends will be much happier. Thanks for reading.",7.279764826175871,5.112713745398771,7.545509202453989,79.67443967280164,64.920245398773,10.288425357873214,31.856032719836396,8.447377352677275,2.1651630265848683,2470,66,534,26,30,810,252,652,0.103,0.757,0.14,0.9727,12,0,1,0,2,4,100.0,0,8,6,19,29,35,4,0,34,2,21,7,1,3,9,96,67,55,2,11,17,5,2,1,3,2,2,0,1,0,29,46,3,2,2,19,22,7,13,13,1,6,23,2,67,22,80,40,14,113,0,8,0,1,41,52,1,14,53,333,96,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926651219532503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091138600818064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473824411907289,0.0,0.050824483060649316,0.0,0.1021565132255832,0.16721511598238287,0.0,0.0994222678433596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555133406127559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340649576932494,0.06015448563438808,0.0,0.10518391411049648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325757600101587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815177165488035,0.0,0.06063199804928069,0.035907956087923916,0.04917678402438468,0.0,0.0,0.048860282188868516,0.05317997396340815,0.0512510350241705,0.0,0.027488873225061473,0.0388387847104681,0.0,0.11910968176343595,0.0,0.18497335494997666,0.06573908105101957,0.0,0.1260081480864939,0.050260107198410515,0.19882641974954784,0.0,0.03089721475020785,0.0455992732507215,0.2608867477787838,0.0,0.05988982099010935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579477457205687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723206759522381,0.05453311434673825,0.0,0.10707830001337476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236967255548868,0.09664525960164848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059068367058029314,0.0,0.03840002039143098,0.026560278667059047,0.0,0.048005807484393904,0.0,0.0,0.12164236663490716,0.17803937410758286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057673294249557076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996496028088169,0.040311392334491776,0.12579027180492786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053266730288720116,0.0,0.0,0.05704753606969148,0.1736927208315686,0.0736790546320725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30183274145353123,0.05887263055177586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136009301770071,0.0,0.20557220093626014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052020522510188204,0.0,0.10930485738596556,0.0,0.11564898305210007,0.0543802969925799,0.1237598754994252,0.06965597158590726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642791245029383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650626230559565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179887094488471,0.0,0.0,0.05541886737908542,0.0,0.0,0.053768953583792814,0.0,0.11544072241663562,0.0,0.08683285264521594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893425196337427,0.06169342147548825,0.05123892037158295,0.0,0.0,0.04369699780540906,0.09503583491363887,0.05005252632298357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680403899073767,0.0,0.051532217677775514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059134144893118336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046954410027392965,0.0,0.0,0.06413246106750202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888118986326842,0.1511923255844861,0.09811296868065301,0.0,0.0,0.10481296759327044,0.0,0.07915758658649867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003861690204816
suicidewatch,audrey1010,2019/01/02,It’s time I can’t do this anymore. I didn’t want to live to see 2019. I’ve picked out who I want to write notes to. The people I was closest to don’t care for me anymore. I don’t know how or when but i need to stop feeling all of this pain i can’t do it anymore i don’t know why this happens to me. i’m on antidepressants i go to therapy i try really fucking hard. i would do anything to just die. ,-2.0069354838709685,-0.20868682795698845,1.2626075268817196,99.81391129032257,94.6989247311828,4.390322580645162,18.50268817204301,5.985473137389443,-0.4084473118279575,307,10,81,3,12,109,54,93,0.183,0.747,0.071,-0.9296,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,2,1,16,23,4,1,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,3,13,1,13,20,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,3,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5905969712479832,0.0,0.0,0.1633543915043926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239117130451909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206018981778972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037113094715623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351657267750698,0.0,0.0,0.1128161333571207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755391322291222,0.0,0.1778233295809546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818857088687146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528536545641907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471904652308067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122550119164105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761979684047282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716870182453355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818442120391213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596078566039255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270101162540908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575105951018087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477325928738354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341692071212661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912174039352674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410137156810664,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justathrowawayyall,2019/01/02,"Soon it'll be over I feel calm now that I've really decided to put my energy into deciding the date and method. After today, I've had to realize that things are not going to improve, and that I don't have what it takes to live in this world. In a few months, I think I'll finally be free of everything. I know it will hurt people, but doing it somewhere secluded or making it look like an accident would make things easier. I've tried for almost ten years to live, but that was futile. I'm done trying to recover. I'm going to do what *I* really want for once, and end everything, even if I'm ""supposed"" to do something else.",2.251310782241013,3.919406914728686,4.534023960535587,83.44344608879494,76.75193798449612,8.721916842847076,21.804792107117688,9.339509955726095,1.782621705426357,488,13,101,13,11,170,85,129,0.091,0.8009999999999999,0.108,0.0738,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,14,0,0,2,0,20,27,7,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,6,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,3,2,6,4,16,19,1,17,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,3,10,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440286631025865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845269843133614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383639976549268,0.0,0.1631051087014841,0.0,0.0,0.12163147646874467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33101011089351523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311340998188464,0.0,0.0,0.2017308701605724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931705718017868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713984931419065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012058032157023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996796982221315,0.0,0.3252213648197507,0.0,0.1546423391828155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245847431787906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698935711585415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961171876495096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766866771260266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512486698639646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359465586989547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177015901308926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846031632221614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468645624712096,0.11799795870198485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745557365200335,0.0,0.0,0.2500559200279996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861835062561424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308171761877718,0.0,0.0,0.1185886471422232
suicidewatch,icyayleks,2019/01/02,"ADVICE IF YOU EVER FEEL SUICIDAL Okay, so, when I was about 15, (currently 17), I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD & many more disorders. I felt insane, so different, I couldn’t handle it. It became to the point where I would wait for my mom to sleep so I can cut myself without getting caught.. one day, we got into this huge argument over something stupid & I was so much more heart broken that I ran out of my house and I went to the closest abandoned grain elevator & I made my way to the roof. I walked to the edge, stood on the peak, was about to jump before I realized I had a dog that saw me leave & would be devastated if I never came home. So instead I chose to text a random number, just put in a bunch of numbers and to my surprise, I got an answer, I texted “idk if anyone is ever going to answer but I’m going to kill myself in 5 minutes”, the number texted back almost instantly saying “please don’t, I know what you’re going through may be extremely tough but just because you end YOUR pain doesn’t mean you’re not passing it to someone else” and so I took the opportunity to ball my eyes out and talk about EVERYTHING. To this day, he’s my bestfriend, my life, my lover and my whole entire reason I’m still here... don’t ever give up, you’re more than welcome to text me. I don’t ever want you to think that suicide is the only option. When I went back home, my mom had the police there and everything, just seeing her crying that hard and begging for me to come home really gave me a different perspective in life. Value what you have. ",4.318723148565422,4.960977056782337,5.48452456061289,82.62752891692958,70.23028391167193,8.435571578789245,26.13624755896049,8.563005593585519,1.6721730208802756,1225,35,249,19,21,408,179,317,0.14800000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.086,-0.9606,3,0,1,0,0,4,46.0,1,5,0,1,25,12,3,0,14,1,20,8,3,2,5,50,48,20,3,7,10,2,3,0,1,3,4,1,3,0,11,15,0,2,9,1,0,14,8,7,0,1,19,7,44,5,36,23,6,42,0,2,3,1,16,13,0,7,14,168,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037667510944557,0.0,0.0,0.092611806270164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008360601623602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075187058766487,0.0,0.0,0.06466866664542449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422327212643572,0.0,0.056378873112263674,0.0,0.07869914530409793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577984440662253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966887552393755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159200739634626,0.11929220034348667,0.0,0.07965843202371335,0.09387178597343936,0.0,0.19325728230144307,0.1059974685959463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726054988977536,0.0,0.08191553109223848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346371061599344,0.0,0.0,0.16624169069019687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676392107640966,0.0,0.08880148261365996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832034570573658,0.08872141711005059,0.15768651922141885,0.0,0.147939703737844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284968069599846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959687226560644,0.0,0.0,0.2783143093369905,0.0,0.0,0.10671692997028266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232253870930988,0.0,0.05082812663583601,0.0,0.0,0.0979297820056154,0.0,0.0,0.13065181014987814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751290221184073,0.0,0.0937667300412008,0.0,0.10074484240827256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166379926914212,0.0,0.0,0.06798817227230378,0.0,0.07133124124688588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267120277337249,0.0703401023694627,0.09841208895266353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152233385113932,0.08742957651791491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297441336019106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059249179314746485,0.0950914600631342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354892624277562,0.0,0.0,0.07369971543502743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255322885199917,0.0,0.07836345730803279,0.07120057710664851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385978746190146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233030021130008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433709413688147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059261573912829636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275583369531094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455089634343995,0.07341142820902549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147170597849362,0.0,0.10325780319634004,0.0,0.08915362416250915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139942149844822,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatavenue,2019/01/02,"I Figured Life Out And I Mean It I know that you are in pain and this looks like a long post. But if you have the time or energy, please read. 

There have been many instances when I've had epiphanies and thought everything was going to be ok and life inevitably got shitty again. I have read so many posts from other people who would talk about their life success stories: The 30+ year old woman who was longterm single and depressed and thought she would never get married and then one day she met the most loving man who accepted her for who she is and now they have a big happy family; The man who was overweight and depressed who decided to change his whole regimen to be healthy and now he's drowning in hot women and looks amazing and has been keeping it up since; The broke entrepreneur with no connections who slept in public bathrooms whose business is now successful and lucrative; The woman whose heart was broken to pieces who was depressed and reclusive who forced herself to go out and make friends and work on her appearance and now she has an exciting life surrounded by people who love her and several husband prospects. The list goes on.

I ALWAYS thought that my situation was so radically different that success, or basic comfortability in life, was not possible. Granted my situation was different though. I was without most basic needs (that the success story people otherwise had) and that deterred me from achieving my goals in one way or another. In every situation i could think of, I was without an essential need and therefore I could not carry out what I needed or wanted to do. 

However, what i realized on December 31st 2018 is... ""What if I just got a 65 in everything I did from now on? What if i just passed? You know how to PASS, don't you whatavenue? Work hard when you can, but if you don't, just pass."" I realized that in the past I knew what I was capable of, was frustrated that I could not achieve it to my best ability because I did not have sufficient means, yet I refused to lower my standards for myself. This led to feelings of worthlessness, failure, embarrassment, depression, and daily suicidal ideation. For instance, I am 31 and have been trying to get my BA for years. A BA in my current field is essential for securing a decent job that is not paying me minimum wage and abusing me. But living on the precipice of homelessness throughout did not allow me to finish my degree because of the things I had to do to maintain shelter (my apartment). When I heard stories of really high achievers who lived in the woods and still got their degree, it would encourage me initially, until something else catastrophic would happen in my life and I would ultimately have to drop out again. Then I felt like there was an omen on me that did not allow me to live life and I was meant to die in my teens because life has not been working out for me since. But fuck that. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO DO THE BARE MINIMUM WHO STILL GET WHAT THEY WANT AND NEED. I MADE A DECISION TO BLEND IN WITH THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS. NO ONE IS THREATENED BY THOSE TYPES. I WAS NOT GETTING THE HELP I NEEDED SOMETIMES BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE THREATENED BY HOW I CARRIED MYSELF AND MY POTENTIAL. I understand that last part is somewhat subjective, but this is a real situation for many others so I'm keeping it.

 Another thing. My struggle has led me to live all sorts of different lives; each phase taught me things, I learned a lot about different personalities, subcultures, systems, lifestyles, etc. AND WHEN SIMILAR SITUATIONS WOULD COME UP AGAIN IN LIFE, I DID NOT USE THAT KNOWLEDGE. It was because I was used to the cycle of failure and depression. FUCK THAT. I was afraid of being smarter than, better looking than, funnier than, more resourceful... to appease the people around me. FUCK THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. BE BETTER THAN THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU IF YOU ARE. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO SHOW OUT. JUST STOP HIDING YOURSELF.

Most of us on suicidewatch are smarter and more capable than average. Dumb people do not think about suicide. They are not smart enough to actually know what's going on in life. IF YOU HAD THE MEANS (mental health, money, stability, etc.) YOU WOULD BE IN MUCH BETTER SITUATION. CREATE THOSE MEANS IF YOU CAN, BUT IF NOT FUCK SUCCESS JUST PASS!

So my advice is this: Stop not doing what you KNOW you CAN do to succeed (if you don't know, google it, and practice it). Stop hiding yourself. Ignore your fucking taste buds and eat healthy (yes, spend whatever money you have. If you can get $25 buy a cheap blender, throw beets and other disgusting greens in it and take it to the face. This will help you tremendously). Get used to being uncomfortable (you are anyway, you want to die right).  If you are broke and/or homeless, go to AA meetings, declare yourself an alcoholic and share your situation, eat their fucking donuts and coffee, and fellowship after the meeting so that this network of people can help you because they WILL. USE WHAT YOU CAN TO GET BETTER- THIS IS ABOUT SURVIVAL. YOU ARE ALMOST DEAD, IS BEING 100% HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DO MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR EXISTENCE? NO, ITS NOT! 

Stop ignoring what you have to do. I care about each and every one of you in here. I sincerely hope nothing I said causes more pain. ",5.198917175831635,7.009674754582484,5.365890835030552,79.9124764426341,69.27494908350306,8.536722335369992,30.812274270196877,9.065960079200117,2.720967044127631,4187,174,747,81,75,1319,395,982,0.166,0.706,0.127,-0.9952,9,0,2,0,0,3,128.0,1,31,7,19,43,54,9,3,34,2,101,29,3,14,2,180,175,76,6,31,44,1,4,2,2,9,15,2,1,6,67,53,5,10,28,3,7,13,25,24,1,4,47,11,113,30,110,109,21,94,0,8,4,8,88,42,7,24,36,566,180,21,0.0,0.049060391335029735,0.04040714963920944,0.0,0.0,0.04046233169485383,0.0,0.04425137059668638,0.041463017085160266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344538478241698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683746473039368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058272717876548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514475274746241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043453974318114715,0.14648411004271494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042217081905540056,0.04253627999309436,0.04380299711038994,0.03566836756609864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918009219462386,0.0,0.0,0.02670401723155804,0.0,0.17831845965412108,0.0,0.08594762480792681,0.17304553966955433,0.0,0.0,0.0362354466949533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473916725982436,0.034590141679599916,0.0,0.0,0.04278438402750808,0.0923592509967383,0.0,0.0,0.0697741779512178,0.0,0.1116415229162988,0.0,0.03903472885548545,0.0,0.02093656669327832,0.0,0.039757105914302183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03199085892813965,0.2296800042159937,0.1514337296909284,0.0,0.09412995461225533,0.0,0.09935061269232456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03661597427979709,0.04407840219753233,0.03709243847568651,0.0,0.0,0.044013585634256606,0.0,0.04906736160584895,0.08326249255118415,0.04374865053175549,0.0,0.041126382650788905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04108994711841594,0.07360868911114071,0.0,0.0,0.11378071371162266,0.0337521401958334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924690951739235,0.0404586278347679,0.0,0.18281520341571672,0.03664379285094476,0.10431407190013164,0.0,0.0,0.03520265542418518,0.07474266604392582,0.03918019856989325,0.027639419246916645,0.16792034131702,0.0,0.22552119919950814,0.0,0.0,0.04172840406552575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030438826992444944,0.18421609657114807,0.03193554465288672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039731025753115705,0.0,0.043449563531814235,0.0,0.11223351561719992,0.0,0.08811969639653097,0.0,0.0,0.04483962459517049,0.03952755985037632,0.2870632250206408,0.03615489743360175,0.0,0.04545232873134501,0.0,0.04668004468218305,0.07931270550041376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283618651545402,0.04713010362649636,0.026526312714845474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035361256079389176,0.03938743253739707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677799739926379,0.0,0.06850441122454391,0.3258015386789863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03187704531357705,0.040952470969546136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613518843386883,0.138472049668426,0.0,0.0432874697010814,0.0,0.09058482964940752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031132826599481994,0.03328128808185942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252668940740826,0.05306372374323829,0.040682057192131575,0.09861733155169737,0.024144689358222195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028112558909258185,0.0,0.0,0.043106030664718464,0.04980738792719575,0.14304902627813698,0.0,0.0,0.07326856601308522,0.032866860335251394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622931168858176,0.0,0.0798295247815498,0.0,0.0904341227782433,0.0,0.0,0.2058998563246832,0.0,0.0,0.053329356543635235
suicidewatch,ThePrplPplEater,2019/01/02,"I'd rather be dead then have to work. Working is such a mental drain for me, especially in hospitality. When i say to someone ""I fucking hate work"" and they reply, ""Well i hate it too, but you have to do it"", it's like, Nah, i can just kill myself. I really don't get how the suicide rate isn't higher. Working is 99% me rationalizing suicide.

Also if you wanna see a nuked thread on r/depression 

[this got nuked without any message](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/abtqfj/id_rather_be_dead_then_have_to_work/)",5.7197826086956525,8.341364239130439,5.568913043478261,75.61902173913045,69.65217391304348,8.078260869565218,27.80434782608696,8.841846274778883,2.3570391304347824,418,15,70,8,8,130,68,92,0.28300000000000003,0.669,0.048,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,0,2,1,4,8,6,4,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,8,15,7,4,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,2,11,2,8,13,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,1,3,47,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528091006212702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299430729235234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645796097445376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665326374188794,0.09983304261630324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282662543275274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773100384065744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140515901487286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335355959165974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256683995834092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241273850836393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195696514039322,0.0,0.0,0.1522685056237297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190410599783686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180278346221785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180667145903622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841973071677961,0.0,0.5564431434749632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,btirim,2019/01/02,"Is there any doctor here to help this odd question? I have congenital heart failure and I am a pacemaker-dependent person. In mid August I was operated so that the cables can be changed. This can sound awkward but I need to ask. I am planning to hang myself but I am afraid that my operated area will explode, I mean get opened, before I choke. Is 4 months enough to recover or is it still need time to recover? The operation area is half span under my breast. Thaks for answering this odd question in advance. 

Sorry for my bad English :(",2.594827890556047,5.186738650485439,4.21521624007061,81.51925860547222,79.97087378640776,7.240600176522506,26.839364518976172,8.296473431620573,2.171667961165049,423,18,78,9,11,141,71,103,0.215,0.768,0.017,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,3,0,13,3,2,0,0,11,18,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,1,1,12,0,10,15,1,14,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,3,4,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147706625707627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824039438543607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598624321079255,0.0,0.0,0.18954312773656626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356390743376583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279932025396312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015942545989734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637724174751063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26395882546244503,0.14930406567357474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263913489282998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779625326114118,0.0,0.0,0.3303313573477345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449597347315054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990600723928319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493494463351019,0.0,0.0,0.1778877658123417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988682569376672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TitanSam1905,2019/01/02,I've lost the will to live My entire life i have had the people around me put me down for who i was. I cared a lot for some of these people and they made me feel like i was unwanted trash. My dad left when i was young because he didnt want me. He didnt plan to have children so he left just after my sister died. That left me in a really bad state of mind. My grandma used to tell me all the time that i was useless and that she never wanted to see me again. For years this went on making me feel even worse about myself as i felt like the people i should be close yo hated me. I felt i wasnt good enough and i still feel that way now. I have been bullied by many people for being quiet and too scared to do anything wrong. This made me further feel like the whole world hated me as even people i didnt know where taking there time to make me feel like i was worthless.  I have had many people who i believed were friends just decide one day that they were done with me and just leave me. They all made me feel like it was my fault. I felt i wasnt good enough for peoples kindness anymore and that the world seems to hate me. I have a friend who i used to talk to all the time who was helping me get over this way of mind but recently she seems to busy to talk to me so i have fallen back into the mindset that the world hates me and that it would be better without me.,3.305926386913228,3.4555574695945954,3.9999786628733993,94.1325035561878,72.27702702702703,6.636984352773827,21.66002844950214,5.399115186594226,-0.11347702702702687,1065,18,256,3,19,339,139,296,0.14300000000000002,0.7829999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.948,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,3,17,23,4,1,12,0,31,1,0,7,4,49,62,13,1,5,5,2,9,5,2,3,1,1,0,1,18,11,0,0,13,0,0,3,7,11,0,1,26,11,52,12,33,30,8,35,0,3,1,0,21,15,0,4,19,179,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794231691309083,0.0,0.0,0.06590343718143961,0.07129295988506891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615807074513348,0.06686794018935839,0.0488192992540636,0.0,0.0,0.09022878937302234,0.0,0.07082900318731236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165237384381363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164843943978712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311597196020003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195514028163944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654991942412268,0.0,0.10579126539056603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429614213228453,0.2288520221363426,0.2306835476449661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374751900805242,0.0,0.04184130130396368,0.0,0.0,0.13434362029050054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31627089765571204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367953651374842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339659074164008,0.044012825865059016,0.0,0.0,0.08479884520035583,0.2610389719894793,0.0,0.056566666427433215,0.19562833668630916,0.0,0.07071685043050813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742264355967204,0.06808571912719821,0.0,0.2273361452168932,0.10691521494662934,0.16238799398637288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172679125875508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061766775750578776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426792047994743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886477912672638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050791827222338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513047398050086,0.0,0.07907464296841038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017942806344595,0.0,0.06381767254548575,0.1458134291729266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395628127870052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021423276017422,0.12873917636202295,0.06999814475895502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009527277831074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833609577505146,0.0,0.0,0.09447285432132932,0.12713608075380434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423994189365926,0.0,0.08941245747359225,0.0,0.07719944045187205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816138356324532,0.05689035028396312,0.08756078192605753,0.0,0.051572353663547565
suicidewatch,accountbegonith,2019/01/02,"Brave enough to go, but too anxious to fail For my entire life, I’ve never cared if I’ve lived or died. I’ve been depressed ever since I can remember because of childhood trauma. I’ve wanted to kill myself ever since I hit puberty, which is likely due to a mixture of just plain out child abuse and the fact that I’m transgender.
For a while, I was too scared to kill myself - I was too scared that it would hurt. In the last year or so, that fear has diminished. The only fear that remains is “What if I fail?”
I don’t mind failing itself. If I do, I’ll be put in a psych hospital for a while. Fine, whatever. But when I do, when I miss school and other activities for months, what will happen then? I’ll be kicked off of a team I don’t even want to be on, yet I’m too anxious to kill myself because of it? I’ll fall behind on schoolwork? Friends will look at me weird? Why are these my fears? Why do I not fear death itself?
My original plan was to come out as trans over the summer, and if I failed, I’d kill myself. No commitments to worry about. However, my mental health has deteriorated in ways I had never expected. It’s worse than it’s ever been - I’ve even started hallucinating. 
I want to die so badly, but my commitments stop me.",1.584231770833334,3.49779791796875,3.504375,88.93645833333336,79.5859375,6.4541666666666675,20.822916666666664,7.492282038375204,0.6270604166666671,961,26,208,14,24,324,138,256,0.378,0.546,0.076,-0.9989,1,0,0,0,1,5,36.0,0,0,0,6,16,25,4,6,9,0,23,2,0,1,8,34,36,20,7,9,11,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,15,6,0,1,1,1,0,4,6,20,0,0,6,1,25,5,32,23,1,35,0,7,1,0,3,10,0,6,21,139,40,7,0.0,0.1188935792876813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672479331559114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378470303216637,0.12233995779314068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230941576788828,0.0,0.0,0.08643917775385061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864278467595782,0.0,0.20828657225554792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368422297963008,0.0,0.13255514868627996,0.27230605533369456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516685077687324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752705632696505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702893371565498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873561997297742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666308586098168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742244851622934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440718437935928,0.0,0.0,0.08179536785791967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087733426094613,0.049023977851040616,0.0,0.08860734001842598,0.0,0.08426535161249862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112514764574657,0.0,0.10132083581151187,0.0,0.0800952050138089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478601401094885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631764063384047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008754270742384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367243567008245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092766580101304,0.10155549041441199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601446555657193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710254021277797,0.0,0.0,0.0838937336636451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755997915066726,0.07964996933108932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810932808271157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190621504296908,0.10226112786511933,0.07128290613468513,0.0,0.0,0.06461952206294888
suicidewatch,Walkaway102,2019/01/02,"I really need to vent. I'm just so tired. I need to get this all off my chest. 2018 was one of the worst years of my life. We're two days into 2019 and I'm already dreading day three. I started 2018 with very little hope and it got crushed ten feet into the ground. I'm starting 2019, now hopeless, and I'm struggling to find a reason to continue. I relapsed with alcohol and I tried so damn hard to get sober again, but it's much harder than it was before. And I had to drop out of college today. My parents are so disappointed in me. I've been reamed at beyond what I ever thought was possible and they've made it clear that I'm worthless and essentially unwanted. Even my dogs and cats are better off without me. And before anyone even says it, I've already secured a home for my dogs and cats. They'll all be much happier without me.

I know how I'm going out. And I know that it's something that I need to do, but I'm lacking the courage to go ahead and do it right this second. I was thinking of getting drunk beforehand, just to secure that I'll succeed and don't end up a vegetable. I'm thinking tonight, in a few hours, will do. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

To my family, I love you.",1.4388900255754464,3.1591677568627503,3.264109121909634,91.40762148337595,79.27450980392156,6.003410059676045,24.02813299232736,6.8959733430537185,0.7487391304347829,938,33,208,10,23,314,138,255,0.14,0.72,0.141,0.7438,1,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,1,3,12,15,1,3,7,0,17,8,2,3,4,45,45,20,0,7,7,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,14,19,3,2,7,1,0,2,4,8,0,5,11,3,25,7,32,30,7,31,0,3,0,1,6,14,1,2,14,133,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947651827602314,0.0,0.0,0.2880441648888005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125629315256402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211041752583052,0.0,0.0,0.11542633242782335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833753609066948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155939670147844,0.0,0.0,0.172402507693613,0.11805462924917635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230341116941452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928464700816767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455975954166006,0.0,0.14834476489391016,0.0,0.10438153184158283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169121792883802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091312747931727,0.1296268247530623,0.12852699967572964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345081367171436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218374605837024,0.0,0.13080626177088772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779123093709265,0.12349261973596674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188113507292653,0.2903166547576651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843759967819452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449169688277719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713149033462072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360865867609303,0.1341869966703679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111455641109326,0.12414580339708765,0.10378754847486753,0.13066423217970516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047370812052724,0.0,0.0,0.1847526491144724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643838546636528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725229828297858,0.0,0.10361111878971524,0.0,0.15000314200381878,0.1237091235840276,0.0,0.0,0.08860837039896208,0.0,0.12749023749481184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768520477303076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516158035790609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840447750240292
suicidewatch,IRAthrowaway12,2019/01/02,"Another person's suicide stopped me from doing it (at least for a little while) For the past few months I've been 100 percent willing to off myself. I've alienated enough close friends to ensure that nobody would mourn my passing.

At least that's what I thought until about a month or so ago

Because that's when another student at my school ended her own life.

You really don't realise what impact your death will have on others until you see people breaking down and sobbing in the halls where her locker was. 

It kind of messed me up a bit to see so many people who didn't initially seem that close to her burst into tears.

Maybe it would be a bit selfish for me to end it all.

I just wish it didn't take somebody else's death for me to consider this.",5.6375365497076055,5.695938967105267,5.746666666666666,83.94277777777779,67.22368421052633,8.334502923976608,29.38888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.7523090643274857,601,19,120,6,9,190,103,152,0.17,0.778,0.052000000000000005,-0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,0,1,13,18,8,4,3,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,14,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,2,15,2,24,8,9,27,0,2,2,0,9,14,1,2,11,85,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441253308633066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340977467864286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991127400923337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35501013697074185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582223939396912,0.0,0.28801117491312445,0.16799789094633522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256158514759439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931141472856928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148414129898691,0.0,0.16295688309498302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483971798045766,0.16334249535874087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595539635741452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520958966824772,0.2254374696184204,0.14196643598563766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415867125285223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454873956082808,0.2591247514382091,0.148014911401921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593167710650494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784596738671193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222466871218286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907749784585434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869693161577409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309971092420758,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CantComeUpWithUsrnam,2019/01/02,"I have had suicidal thoughts every single damn day for 3 years. But i know i'm too much of a coward to kill myself I have always hated my life. I really want it to be over but i can't get myself to do it. I do often cut myself, and sometimes i do worse stuff, especially when i'm on my period.

I wish i could hire a hitman on myself. I just want to be gone. Gone forever. Even if religion was right and hell exists, hell would be better than this.

Someone kill me plz. I have nothing to live for",-0.08399371069182138,1.9838740283018872,2.883301886792456,90.12388364779876,87.01886792452831,5.79748427672956,16.38050314465409,7.1686216300943375,0.08476352201257907,381,8,84,6,12,135,69,106,0.307,0.596,0.097,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,7,0,2,0,14,1,0,0,0,14,25,6,3,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,5,0,18,1,12,15,2,10,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,4,62,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162892204147406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242454392277754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468574035820796,0.0,0.0,0.13302379795194008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623602247267375,0.0,0.17378707610847316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077648980506671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036438876187155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564031068587789,0.0,0.11335779587286725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456910002949875,0.0,0.0,0.18213568745736056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162843614974755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979167365110867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213857796719625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761490993374794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747675821511225,0.0,0.20400126230624646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23612396440053166,0.2256203246931969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375129221368573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433207667355493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23719445787291066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020155689139736,0.14652466838638334,0.0,0.0,0.13282783425903308
suicidewatch,pointlessvessel,2019/01/02,"I need some help The overwelming sense of doom is just too much today. I dont think i want to kill myself butbi feel like im dying. Im sonsure im going to die im suffocating and it makes me panic. I feeel lile i have invosible hands around my mouth and neck. What do you do when youre stuck in the overwhelming sense of dread? Il try anything but i just cant think straight, and im just finding it so hard to live right now. Just being is unbearable, i just hate this feeling i cant eat i cant sleep i cant even lie down silently, i just dont know what tondo with myself its easier if i just kill myself even tho i dont want to, just i dont know what tondo about this feeling im helpless",-1.16361344537815,0.8906120784313742,1.4422782446311864,97.69882352941177,94.88235294117644,4.4829131652661065,15.782446311858074,6.18269132825596,-0.5530377217553686,540,13,129,6,21,184,84,153,0.231,0.696,0.073,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,2,0,0,17,9,3,3,2,0,14,5,4,1,0,28,28,8,4,4,10,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,8,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,1,5,21,1,11,26,2,9,1,3,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,78,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447101723351051,0.09137897961983173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306599473714027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812133832308382,0.0,0.0,0.10503510135248204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355968092735248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570658591855832,0.07333215053936147,0.0,0.0,0.09381892262478654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833754120268698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195294597971747,0.10134419989651708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880316487068923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6652683450859952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713084215662305,0.0,0.1128259262686816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014890059253582,0.0,0.09064055756256308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851870972539105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545850122409492,0.07611260530321018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043596626427967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766130790172726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272268983273652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154610274660122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729883086056612,0.0,0.0,0.0696916330380676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108955840202228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgogDown,2019/01/02,I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore But I don't know what else to do,-3.7505555555555565,-2.3267794814814806,0.15361111111111114,105.98375,103.07407407407408,2.7,17.86111111111111,3.1291,-1.2119555555555557,82,3,24,0,4,30,11,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9478959224706148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26614918048743585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509407154283846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bodlyfancyqueen,2019/01/02,"Did i miss the part of my life where people loved me or sumn? Well, i obviously missed some part of my life where i was supposed to be loved. So from the top, all i really was in my childhood was beaten. There are holes in my wall where my dad would throw my head at, and HE WASN'T EVEN DRUNK, while the rest of my family looked on. I was the only one to really get that kind of treatment. I'm a middle child, sister is oldest, and other brother is youngest. I am currently trapped in a cycle where my sister beats me, and i can't do anything because she is a girl (also my dad is sexist and believes girls are supposed to be princesses that no one can touch), and my younger brother also beats me, and i can't do anything because he's younger than me. I am a trans guy, omw to being a girl, and gay so you can imagine that scene in my current christian household. I am an introvert, and have a small group of 4 ""friends"" that i can go and talk to (as if they ever answer). As if it can get any worse, i have a lot of pressure on me from the family tree asking when i am going to get a girlfriend, or when i am going to win a presidential award like my sister. I am not interested in girls and the guys i like aren't gay, even if they were, they wouldn't come out due to pEeR pReSsUrE against gays in the deep south (Georgia). I have currently given up on trying to get a relationship and have my eyes set on my transgender surgery, which my family cannot get enough laughs at my attempt to tell them i want the surgery. Let' s recap, I've missed my chance to be loved, have a relationship, get awards, and just want to have my trans surgery. cAn iT gEt aNY wOrsE. Yes. Yes tf it can. I have anxiety, chronic depression, and full body dysphoria. I've told my parents i want to see a therapist, but they say its all in my head. My sister on the other hand, said her stomach hurt so my parents took her to the hospital. It was a period cramp -\_-. Anyway, these make it hard to keep any friends cuz who wants a debbie downer around. The counselers in my school don't want to talk to me, although they know i am being bullied. I have an Argentinian spanish accent when i speak spanish, making me the joke to the hispanics in my school. Between thinking of suicide, shooting up my school, or just plain bad thoughts, did i miss something? Did i do something wrong? Why am i a joke to everyone? Why can't i just find someone for myself? I just want something in my life to go right or one fucking time. I wake up everyday and just regret not killing myself the day prior, because i know whats going to happen later in the day. Should i just die?

 (Recap - 15, Hispanic, Georgia, gay, trans, bad life)

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suicidewatch,amr1412,2019/01/02,"I don’t want to be here anymore but I’m too scared I don’t want people to think it’s because I don’t love them. There are so many people that I love much more than I could ever love myself. It just hurts and I feel like it wouldn’t make that much of a difference if I wasn’t here anymore. Almost every day I think about suicide. I wish there was a way for me to just not exist for a while. I’m too scared to do it though. I’m afraid of the pain and I’m afraid of throwing away my life in case it does actually get better. I just don’t know if it will, right now it seems like nothing ever changes. Every year I feel like this and I’m only 17. It’s not right but I can’t fix it. I don’t hate living, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed and sleep forever but I don’t want to hurt anyone. I feel like a horrible person for being this way but I don’t know what to do. I want help but I don’t want to be a burden. It seems so irrational. I sometimes wish I had something physically wrong so people could see it. And when you tell someone they don’t know what to do either. I need help but I don’t know what to do. ",-1.1326668308298444,0.7617193358778636,1.4878084215710423,99.44897931543957,90.37404580152672,4.2966756956414685,14.940162521546414,5.642373280135919,-0.9978826889928584,894,17,226,6,31,306,112,262,0.181,0.614,0.205,-0.0055,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,2,1,19,20,1,4,6,0,28,6,1,1,2,50,62,20,1,14,17,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,18,5,0,0,12,0,0,1,17,10,0,0,3,5,31,10,21,52,4,15,0,2,1,3,10,5,0,5,12,144,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0913342003415826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372082770094102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564011057592456,0.06544307047251684,0.0,0.07701985138323347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793460294868177,0.0,0.0,0.057054007104814924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277624859065359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990099957399616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945431672831774,0.0,0.0,0.06036035903372654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778576396452776,0.0,0.0,0.08190470195136368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932218381135553,0.15771388985779608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929566612867368,0.2674541645706093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889897926325396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996325069447546,0.0,0.09240465511389537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546811217834708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003885321335364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574716294388765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661081792971011,0.2286263973826859,0.0,0.082645178209036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534165993694235,0.0,0.06247469265620461,0.09488958162241518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760465400375768,0.06939873273502344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980592539470804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118242133626071,0.099590568458588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465879433842426,0.08172263262850032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985745472880253,0.0,0.0,0.18740775587888292,0.0,0.07458226558874302,0.17040884550011454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366154882132408,0.0,0.07930185552144055,0.07205320021243933,0.09256681605638126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237659737175396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180524320141401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994245618682395,0.09195558694613636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312248424712454,0.1485810522772324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525686168112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233029868196246,0.0,0.060271439313769985
suicidewatch,Ragetage,2019/01/02,"I’m going to commit suicide tomorrow I have nobody else to tell so I just decided to tell it on here 


I’ve been dealing with depression and I’ve been suicidal since middle school I’m 15 btw.

I have friends that care for me and a loving family I really don’t want to hurt them but I just can’t take the pain anymore I always wake up feeling worthless and I do nothing all day. I’m bullied at school and people told me to kill myself and all this other shit and it happens everyday. I feel like I’m just too stupid to be in this world and I feel like I’ll never achieve anything in life because either I’ll mess up or fail. I hate myself I think I’m just some lowly stupid human that just can’t do anything right.


I plan on doing it tomorrow there’s a bridge near my house and under it is a highway and I plan on jumping off the bridge and hopefully one of the cars hit me and kill me 


Thank you for reading and goodbye ",0.51883116883117,2.717621346938777,2.6345454545454565,92.04227272727276,85.53061224489795,5.400371057513915,21.153988868274574,6.7829847944221076,0.488630612244898,728,24,156,9,22,245,113,196,0.287,0.607,0.106,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,1,4,5.0,0,1,1,4,9,19,6,0,6,0,12,5,2,0,4,33,32,15,4,2,8,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,9,13,0,0,5,1,0,3,4,12,0,1,3,3,22,7,21,27,4,22,0,4,0,1,9,14,1,3,7,99,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798203784396415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061924765488668,0.0,0.0,0.2333649451597787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643489308302654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456606938244582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144390454378712,0.14618099774958718,0.12212496765270572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184487557238166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366857834166265,0.0,0.2150824038465923,0.20259201143226865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954790152851783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058348028346336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538591582627487,0.0,0.0,0.13998993042627933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083113326131505,0.0,0.163608563331213,0.1517909278327019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137429751641922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015165804149556,0.13854450697863285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797252862374184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935848608355772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360529427048563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608171309693686,0.0,0.15087634635340855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830049883205384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183005251245062,0.0,0.09083538206110764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210893214093172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870015034926287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145547123632706,0.117291544311965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31019417205088234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660969842308653,0.0,0.24786435900129725,0.1305427301682118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908543843167574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354880281844019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363240754457106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mellowsuicide91,2019/01/02,"Writing my notes tonight. That way I’m all prepped for tomorrow. I plan on spending the day with my mom, letting everyone know that I love them; and then tomorrow night I’m going to do it.

I promised myself that I would wait until after Christmas and New Years, and now that those have passed, I feel like I’m finally free to go. ",5.30318181818182,5.479988257575759,5.505606060606059,84.9784090909091,67.93939393939394,9.024242424242424,33.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5427393939393945,259,11,54,4,4,82,49,66,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,13,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,5,7,11,1,17,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,13,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836302524558968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790884203894988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768096524224206,0.20865712348108573,0.0,0.3199518697711401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319838147056194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051577006919973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29866459411539337,0.0,0.14269219252967175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26360742971504697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420725543580441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820860774347753,0.0,0.27409087457987763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231834079097133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748039249591615,0.0,0.0,0.18808553870105724
suicidewatch,spearshake,2019/01/02,"Final thoughts Well, the day has at last arrived. To think, today of all days the sun has never looked brighter — the clouds never more white and the sky so blue. 
Yet, it is the end. 
Seven times they cheated on me. I gave them chance after chance for love, but it was for nought. I truly thought that I had everything but alas, it was nothing. They would rather hookup with random guys that be with me. 
They lied to my face, time and time again.
The pain I had before has only grown and grown. And now, it is over. 
To think, I wanted to marry you and now I am here.
I have my gun, I have finished reading my favorite book. I have finished my final prayer.
I leave everything to my parents.
Sorry your only child and son fucked up at everything.
",1.2208763505402158,3.656957986394559,1.9102440976390584,96.76843937575032,84.78231292517006,4.27515006002401,18.170868347338935,5.5289334501034215,-0.4907083633453384,572,14,121,3,17,176,91,147,0.16,0.748,0.092,-0.9041,1,0,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,2,4,0,8,5,2,0,6,0,15,4,1,0,3,21,24,9,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,3,1,1,7,3,23,2,16,15,2,27,0,0,3,2,12,6,1,1,19,87,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338792779016837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293427050036045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935084185711935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42420379701886746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447024659036841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454523480491233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578496791751853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824785666279534,0.0,0.1665935309630154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212057135083136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199968751285127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426906933503028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096580146584088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931853583329374,0.1674140088163423,0.0,0.17470030769814393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737614434355154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612204789046512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162599459269512,0.0,0.2498105567612913,0.2752274056117414,0.0,0.14913382559693455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927994145696148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146177231536522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176525233492726,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ayygurl_,2019/01/02,"Friend I've met on r/SuicideWatch wants to end her life again and I'd like your help Hello everyone,

​

It has now been 7 months since I befriended this girl (clinically depressed since \~2009) who once posted on this subreddit because she needed help. The first few months after we had started chatting weren't so good for her, but I felt like her situation was getting pretty stable the more time we spent talking together. I recently gifted her an amazon giftcard for Christmas and she told me that it was the first time she smiled since a long time. That made me happy, I thought it could be the beginning of something new.

​

That's all up until a few days ago when she told me that her relationship was once again falling appart, which was making her feel like absolute shit, she also told me that she had new plans to end her life. I don't know what I should do at this point, should I call the cops on her? Should I let her put an end to her sufferings? I can't imagine the pain her mom, her boyfriend (who might feel guilty) would feel after such an event, and if she was to end her life under a train, the pain the driver that would be one to kill her would feel. I'm also worried that if I call the cops on her her life is just going to get worse, what would happen after that call?

​

What should I do? Thank you for reading.

​

P.S. - While I'm at it, if anyone of you guys need to talk, I'd be glad to have a chat with you. :)",4.128989111002767,5.276925952218433,4.269176011701614,89.30541524459616,71.04778156996588,7.219177636925077,24.53258573053795,7.447530270364453,0.9106026003575498,1156,31,243,12,21,358,152,293,0.076,0.7609999999999999,0.163,0.9795,0,0,1,0,0,1,52.0,2,4,0,3,9,14,2,0,16,0,30,8,1,2,1,35,56,13,1,15,5,1,5,3,1,9,7,0,0,2,21,6,0,0,8,3,1,3,3,6,0,3,17,5,44,8,26,25,4,42,0,2,0,0,50,9,1,4,32,161,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457873048813481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651912604758866,0.0,0.31573960592265715,0.3540916737941993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093967671945343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044409784817312205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316951806894209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058166239171681976,0.0,0.0,0.04698338805999976,0.0,0.06274715384987166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581003065994835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961302273158933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734424847987102,0.05204534483990866,0.06994915855232119,0.0,0.0,0.12393541811790552,0.0,0.0,0.05628512468218621,0.0,0.07612412368785415,0.0,0.041403360281607,0.06110463853271325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213474179138593,0.06442261154436439,0.07755210227560876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976620599678186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059972956524207,0.0,0.04003744739753527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449590760612608,0.20582954055129216,0.10677513773225092,0.0,0.0,0.06447155589278104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893414042220268,0.04862914628051807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728425360494608,0.0,0.08532315482364365,0.11629923317698553,0.0,0.0,0.1080373822541364,0.0,0.14072145661454866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516959175818354,0.04936626923822285,0.0,0.1550389162659337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886850455662534,0.0,0.06977189215206707,0.07411647750872159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323618694222847,0.0,0.0,0.0728715208411926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193236962410085,0.07821557573246711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478133206109683,0.1807913005265517,0.08188848243621538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608487955902225,0.0,0.0,0.051564883329306095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711104434420068,0.0,0.0670721551152492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783619642390316,0.12744142200053324,0.0,0.0,0.208839068194768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296988276760542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398454541331782,0.07424221432779053,0.20700733135427132,0.0,0.3540916737941993,0.0
suicidewatch,jicty,2019/01/02,"This is going to sound weird but... Have you ever seen a TV show that so perfectly described what you want in life that you realize reality will never satisfy you? 

I have been binge watching the magicians on Netflix and I realized no matter what I will never be happy. I know it sounds crazy and childish. I have always retreated to day dreams and fantasy just to get by, I would have killed myself long ago if I didn't have the ability to burrow into my imagination to escape a world that I never have nor never will relate to or feel at home in.

I'm sorry for the ramblings but I just had the sudden realization that the world has literally nothing to offer me that I want and it is physically impossible for me to ever find happiness. ",6.769791666666666,6.524017506944446,8.146666666666668,68.71500000000002,64.90277777777779,11.366666666666667,32.583333333333336,10.9516,3.657308333333333,587,21,105,15,8,204,91,144,0.107,0.79,0.103,0.3743,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,4,0,1,5,5,1,0,7,0,17,1,0,0,7,28,25,10,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,10,5,0,0,6,5,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,5,18,3,16,16,0,18,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,2,10,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521120752507407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507988318045707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201971952117868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371757873389682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423737904582463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034442032568767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097373843533276,0.0,0.10592185842019247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968017446677876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869504699289608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619759086336686,0.0,0.10242745530564057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164298323059345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649370236849681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749790919549672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788329380183353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863283583589987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21985895868768426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239626623608652,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marililrunningqlq,2019/01/02,"Made up my mind. I will kill myself soon. No more excuses, no more 'what ifs'. I'm done. I do not want to waste another year. I do not want to keep on letting people down. This is my final fit. I haven't had the best life nor the worst but I simply have had enough. Other people will keep on living after me. I see no point staying alive when nothing makes sense anymore. ",-0.8497186147186149,1.2749144935064929,1.1644480519480531,98.14286255411258,98.87012987012987,3.6056277056277057,14.208874458874455,5.46131890053228,-0.9643411255411252,284,6,63,2,12,93,56,77,0.171,0.718,0.111,-0.431,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,2,0,11,19,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,1,10,1,7,12,5,12,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,5,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920679620398914,0.0,0.0,0.20732108970176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938472114952007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139303829823868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160041815902668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290036845959288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37162588665905816,0.2312824758419625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137674412082524,0.14765795740537327,0.0,0.0,0.18459468001540386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978078431885947,0.1395422715498711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110805635473307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058878716182427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898574252950751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761949980857796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665855135112119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228191229412722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466058118739995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462112727317907
suicidewatch,GrouchyBunny,2019/01/02,"I called the hotline I was provided resources.

I went to the resource center and was told they couldn’t see me today because they were short staffed. I called the hospital and they gave me another place I can go, went there... they couldn’t help me either. 

Shouldn’t be this hard to get help. I refuse to be admitted because I don’t want the debt, I have no insurance. 

Getting help isn’t in the cards for me. I give up",2.057558823529412,4.103818211764708,2.99139705882353,92.54003676470587,78.64705882352942,6.602941176470589,24.742647058823533,7.6454224807358475,1.1393823529411762,328,12,71,5,8,104,52,85,0.103,0.764,0.133,0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,12,0,0,0,0,9,23,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,7,2,17,0,6,11,1,9,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,0,1,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741143618875898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26440891487846696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44290547191570256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266155648263048,0.20804542845186388,0.1232545666390429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427662315310926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436098475940266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658730781979286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282060379447858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055713179706697,0.20723252631809969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279179816089584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020889848210789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,partly_crayon,2019/01/02,"I don't think I'll make it to 2020 I've been unhappy for a long time. At home, I feel unwanted. I feel so lonely. Every time I do something right or accomplish something important to me no one really cares. I feel so unappreciated. And when I make an honest mistake I'll never hear the end of it, like all those other times I did things right count for nothing. Whenever my mom invites her friends to come over she says bad things about me even when I'm in the same room. It's like I'm no longer her daughter, but something even less than a dog. I used to tell myself to persevere until I'm 18 when I'd be free to start things over in my terms. Now I'm 17. 2019 has just started and I don't think I can make it.

Putting this into text is difficult for me. Thank you for reading.
",0.5375151515151515,2.6734882363636387,2.5025757575757592,93.44719696969698,84.81818181818181,5.848484848484849,20.68181818181818,7.1686216300943375,0.4519090909090902,609,19,139,9,18,203,104,165,0.109,0.763,0.128,0.6374,0,2,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,10,11,0,0,5,0,9,0,0,4,2,21,28,10,0,2,3,2,3,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,10,4,0,0,5,1,1,2,5,4,0,1,2,5,20,8,20,25,4,25,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,16,84,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540794289288826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313551168282213,0.0,0.0,0.1293811289550241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302966587597673,0.0,0.0,0.19840696350293535,0.0,0.12654716954046352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22783184261506045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604157203699975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928255922056976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065950288846228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146757009149157,0.0,0.0,0.1329193235284314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007723237572129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590852064018836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584092861348755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411775243016822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017771484091284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098913453169405,0.0,0.0,0.15023731195207382,0.0,0.09621983063005947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565342652332377,0.0,0.1194424177338985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468861956840181,0.0,0.0,0.21261994735639075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127850679534125,0.1382809110476452,0.0,0.0,0.2993519741172441,0.1924799185646785,0.0,0.0,0.26274265243393885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972169585196575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Disastrous_Feeling,2019/01/02,"2019 might be my last year I'm surprised I made it through 2018. I can't keep hanging on like this. No matter what I do in my life I will disappoint everyone. Nobody gives a shit about my happiness they just want me to be successful even if it means putting myself through hell and back.  

I really couldn't give a sh\*t about the future, nothing excites me anymore. Not even travelling, the one thing in life that would inspire me to keep going. 

I feel awfully alone but I don't have the energy to maintain friendships then wonder why I have no friends. All I can do is isolate myself and wait for the day to be over, to sleep and the cycle goes on and on. Sometimes I can't even sleep because my dreams are so vivid and scare  me a lot. 

I'm so stuck. I want to die. 

​",1.6916772151898734,3.903706316455697,2.74985759493671,92.93592563291142,80.77215189873417,5.975316455696203,23.799050632911392,7.1686216300943375,0.8712898734177217,610,22,130,8,16,194,100,158,0.19,0.665,0.145,-0.8694,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,1,9,11,2,1,8,1,17,5,3,1,1,25,32,10,1,5,4,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,4,2,0,4,7,4,0,1,2,2,22,7,17,23,2,16,1,1,1,0,4,6,2,4,7,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606575341064086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326874314042522,0.18310057228306634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944050208664506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586860535884827,0.0,0.09185708240904596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718031660448798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563887807181203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985810058200375,0.0,0.0,0.14398739359137022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619161425118116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642000423112875,0.0,0.0,0.2891044135166482,0.0856386017866135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604085648924002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678741423297316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282959683061816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128686408458532,0.07361780492186447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810826063271732,0.0,0.14258319520365226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414175701873082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985454740469052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445877460394215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210906178214252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148153693944713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653362060191926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508634585843851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467751104969535,0.0,0.0,0.3015906172140951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903278634247638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010940470602564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775758557390206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597111459518207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341306472612227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704335527467676,0.0,0.18310057228306634,0.09703715565123833
suicidewatch,originalsalt,2019/01/02,"The sun is blotted out. I can't live in total darkness. The only thing stopping me from hard resetting is that I have no access to a firearm. By far the most easy way to go. 

  I'm weak but that doesn't make my situation any less miserable. I live a wretched double life pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm victim to my own habits that are entrenched in 6 years of misery. And to top it all off I've been dumped presumably for being a jerk.

  My mind is stalling every few moments after racing through a million thoughts. I have utterly no motivation left and have ruined my life from terminal fear.

  Why isn't suicide socially acceptable? Why can't I just commit to entering the eternal sleep without fretting so much for what I will leave behind? 

  I hope my heart stops beating so I can be mourned briefly and forgotten about. ",3.902435897435897,5.670970487654323,4.857654320987656,82.43098290598293,72.51851851851852,7.9475783475783475,31.59734093067427,8.617729084823388,2.6208531813865146,657,31,124,12,13,214,112,162,0.28600000000000003,0.606,0.108,-0.9825,0,0,0,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,3,2,8,0,17,5,2,2,3,21,24,6,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,4,1,0,2,8,8,0,1,2,1,14,2,21,18,8,16,0,3,0,0,1,7,0,2,6,85,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359839060801282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313488768099026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045228506538802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329451704212336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281514355524285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153783857852837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052191148298766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245036772179144,0.19747535488405016,0.0,0.256755283141751,0.0,0.0,0.3209827642657829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132165469304558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351889329786664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360949536053388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382314786100037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429818224968868,0.18188443353611264,0.1852744717355341,0.15399887415267655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039075829421623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880847214942424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207487324028192,0.0,0.0,0.144291717786356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426720926427403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32800793849448345,0.0,0.0,0.17520357344225926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704308476580952
suicidewatch,onaroadalone,2019/01/02,"I was alone then, and alone now what's it matter? Hey..

​

Normally I have all of these emotions under wraps. I spent my entire childhood and teenage life depressed and when I turned 19 I felt like I finally escaped. Now that I am 21, I find myself meeting my old friend once more. I live in a world governed by money, but yet I cannot bring it with me.  My family hasn't cared for me since I was 15, so why should I care how they feel now?

​

I'm tired of feeling so exhausted everyday, and stressing over money.  It's a good thing I live on the third floor. I want to die.",2.409008264462809,3.96133738016529,3.4645371900826447,91.7749876033058,76.02479338842977,6.4928925619834725,24.49669421487604,7.1686216300943375,0.8530786776859499,457,15,100,5,10,147,88,121,0.199,0.669,0.131,-0.8928,0,2,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,3,0,7,3,0,1,1,16,17,10,1,3,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,3,1,2,3,0,1,4,3,21,5,10,12,2,17,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,11,65,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30097581581648114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31486692044938125,0.35311298548860914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296287894754156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514744890453974,0.0,0.15079939010492668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344395115321014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369767534000659,0.0,0.146936997749183,0.0,0.1395116464849835,0.15917002943234276,0.1328023866931306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225911189697657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187149789932256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263031997761447,0.07098667840559697,0.0,0.2566067065946944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236402788245794,0.0,0.0,0.15246884822158704,0.15474071224455455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019440275684685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644168556884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653145899670516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700200544846064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580456507605826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570223313967829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111145862693446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35311298548860914,0.0
suicidewatch,Sunshine-Nikki,2019/01/02,"I (35f) don’t want to live anymore but I am terrified of killing myself I had a really awful and horribly abusive childhood and never had any therapy for that.  I latched onto the first guy that was nice to me simply because he “saved” me from my home life at age 16. I was with him for 16 years and then he left me for a younger woman. His immediate dismissal of me damaged the little bit of self esteem I had and made me feel completely worthless because I was so easy to replace. 

That was 3 years ago.  Since then I have done nothing but go to work and come home to a shitty apartment because that’s all I can afford on my own (rent is insane where I live and most people have roommates but I have no friends). I have no life, no friends, no family (that cares) and have horrible social skills because of my childhood. I’m a shy “people pleaser” and just want someone to like me, so I’m scared of ever saying the wrong thing in social situations or voicing an opinion that could anger someone, therefore I just say nothing and then people think I’m rude or a bitch when all I really want is love and affirmation. I suppose I repel people because they can sense the desperation from me to be accepted and I also am aware that no one likes to be around a sad person. 

I’ve been seeing a guy that could give a shit about me at all and treats me like dirt, he talks down to me and belittles me constantly but he is the only one that actually talks to me and I guess any sort of human contact, even negative, is better than none. 

My boss just gave me my first review and said I am making a lot of mistakes and that I need to “step up my game”, so this just adds to the feeling of never being good enough. If I lose this job I will be homeless as I have no one in my life and nowhere to go.

I’ve been trying to get counseling for years but all the places I call are black holes where I leave phone messages or emails but never hear anything from them. I’ve considered committing myself to a hospital but would have to miss work and then when I get out I would probably no longer have a job. 

My life is just like Groundhog Day. I go to work/go home to sleep/go to work/go home to sleep, repeat. I’m basically working everyday just to have a place to sleep, I’m basically sleeping every day just to go to work. At this point I can’t see any reason to continue doing this for the rest of my life.

I’ve called suicide hotlines to just be placed on hold and told I was in a queue of 14 or more people ahead of me, so I get discouraged and hang up. Sometimes i will hold and for some reason get disconnected after being on hold for a half hour. 

I have no idea why I’m writing this. I know life is hard for everyone and I should just stick it out or whatever, but it’s exhausting and the pain and loneliness never seem to go away. ",4.769955665024631,4.777465837931036,5.744926108374388,83.38982758620692,69.06896551724138,8.835467980295569,28.98522167487685,8.591530228387361,1.929208374384237,2206,72,469,32,35,731,260,580,0.231,0.688,0.081,-0.9987,4,0,0,0,0,3,43.0,0,0,2,10,22,30,5,1,24,1,49,13,4,6,10,98,87,50,2,11,23,0,3,4,2,5,8,5,5,6,18,30,0,4,9,1,1,8,16,16,0,6,15,11,64,14,72,59,13,63,0,6,3,1,36,26,2,13,33,320,82,8,0.0,0.07340889794849936,0.060461081608546664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492113043173296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954697987309396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126398626638346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144468245943871,0.0,0.0,0.050985320970065064,0.055154853799794026,0.0,0.0,0.0582106284963536,0.0,0.0,0.1888420201172062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054795919847894003,0.06764098274872184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653002123770254,0.0,0.06316927714912916,0.0,0.0,0.05337045798857593,0.06496072176548844,0.06695349199121133,0.0,0.0989352247752304,0.0,0.0,0.07991426168534145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340350839216757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401812939926975,0.0,0.040922005379761914,0.0560436415672806,0.052201433470875885,0.0592025558924739,0.0,0.0,0.058407533022543874,0.0,0.06265462814119181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540116245882927,0.0,0.0,0.0957356284544696,0.0,0.12947987346484496,0.05943478721669863,0.2816926666907411,0.0519665809078677,0.0,0.0,0.06825260593360415,0.12269431537716527,0.0,0.0,0.055501290483560936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698300268984413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24859163726368685,0.0,0.061015151606982315,0.0,0.0,0.06994189654484982,0.0,0.0,0.12296549834372422,0.0,0.06854622608334454,0.0,0.03404993957070263,0.0,0.0,0.06560350302409765,0.06731644732447876,0.0,0.2625723119177335,0.12107621651758647,0.06209717734973665,0.10941830870718117,0.0,0.0,0.06931402012484254,0.0,0.052673614482668316,0.05591859945173013,0.05862519886517108,0.04135676972074979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594032057793857,0.19114019065556112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889879944015748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595097292561186,0.04712108026795955,0.06592660213257315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476586730017524,0.05409845098701195,0.194195592661964,0.0,0.05856937869176219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680011071020531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938246434833057,0.12740420248173273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893528235121714,0.0985413651775594,0.06202975216233988,0.0,0.09874339359072026,0.056403313742649876,0.0646346494363957,0.0,0.06359795649344384,0.051251459637399265,0.06964224893771143,0.24800692514699826,0.12631469101021536,0.10499190753210276,0.0,0.0612770440743667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777088741511489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959735802805923,0.0,0.0,0.07085321388715388,0.0,0.0411614689289437,0.03969953535871423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592025558924739,0.0,0.04206472700040193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963150800322087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590654369665388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27063254529525244,0.0,0.0,0.08802493142631354,0.06774023877691161,0.0,0.11969480427000599
suicidewatch,XxPenisMonkeyxX,2019/01/02,Life is horrible I’ve been lonely since the day I’ve existed. It’s been 22 years. Soon will be 23. I have friends but no girl will ever like me or love me. I might as well commit suicide. I’ve already gone through college and highschool alone. If nobody wants me I shouldn’t be here. It would actually be doing the world a favor. ,0.7595588235294137,3.1136543676470585,2.4750000000000014,92.45750000000002,86.20588235294119,5.1647058823529415,21.735294117647058,6.6274283507984215,0.4716411764705883,259,9,55,3,8,85,53,68,0.18600000000000005,0.574,0.24,0.6757,0,3,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,13,2,0,0,2,10,16,5,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,0,6,5,2,5,0,6,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,5,35,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.28519999884855063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30268939596111955,0.3225121041054657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848114137458952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643625632426264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257964991575704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642927390725888,0.1427816700128356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26377272908382143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100377586891197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417574386811265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196809666405937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238034299331068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627735201268037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761049648406896,0.0,0.0,0.1882034808275614
suicidewatch,Lonelyrave37,2019/01/02,Getting drunk and going in the woods. It's been an interesting time. I am truly done here. ,0.14833333333333346,2.4607282777777755,2.483333333333338,87.94500000000002,99.55555555555556,4.622222222222223,17.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.10097777777777804,71,2,14,1,3,24,18,18,0.114,0.619,0.267,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7266726190940336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37099476494539735,0.0,0.40356273862959935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41406147494291795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilCaucasian,2019/01/02,Endless Anyone else seem to have things start getting better then all of sudden come crashing down? And your in a worse place than you were. It’s like if I stay living in the present I’m like things don’t seem so bad but then I think about the future and I’m like why would I continue this endless battle of bullshit? ,1.0377307692307696,3.534333138461541,1.7387500000000031,97.06812500000004,86.84615384615385,3.8653846153846163,18.89423076923077,5.148860815047168,-0.488346153846154,254,7,53,1,8,78,50,65,0.193,0.6859999999999999,0.122,-0.7938,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,12,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,8,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,10,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373901752626588,0.2399376350252349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955244480566984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710674974267165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017190717296917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562126743471264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223455862445344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432149019083543,0.0,0.20677881073617485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446606616101725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263641167584248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574866349657705,0.2495969723896109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111479127705577,0.1500484298331124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130446548760032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864201769393,0.16634958857001486,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloodvial,2019/01/02,"didn’t think to make it to 2019 as it’s clearly 2019. i’m feeling disgusted because i didn’t think to make it to another year. all i’m thinking now is to actually plan my suicide, i don’t know how the fuck i’m still here i just want to die already but i’m so fucking weak to go through with it.",0.4625870646766153,1.9096699104477608,3.0306716417910486,93.22322139303483,81.23880597014927,6.257711442786071,27.58457711442786,7.1686216300943375,1.2059472636815922,232,11,57,3,6,81,43,67,0.21600000000000005,0.721,0.064,-0.9023,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,3,0,1,0,4,3,0,3,2,14,19,4,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,10,17,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2360423882773267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669233085860751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536348486583236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744930209544688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510358044005745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230303915853327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472328718948817,0.0,0.0,0.1374673757831277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293227383863365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229168396134441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316764442044976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26458015132293405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649655393319883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266854143226296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576437333800294
suicidewatch,Sin_Bad_,2019/01/02,"Wish I was a still born. My first attempt was in middle school, jumped off a balcony, result wasn't high enough only 2 stories *broken ankle, second attempt was in high school used a plastic garment bag with a belt tried to suffocate myself.. @ the age of 22 ✂ my wrists.. I'm sure I'll get it right eventually, need to get it right",5.231818181818183,5.390899606060606,5.863181818181817,82.41477272727273,68.0909090909091,7.8121212121212125,28.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,1.5154666666666676,258,8,51,2,4,84,49,66,0.0,0.915,0.085,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,2,1,6,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,4,1,7,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,26,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233713224920396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923958558284004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634835220676495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779612203891062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771593573412547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202657644794112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863275530734036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578297544417642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806344595221909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131800212907412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356717065794387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953542747728388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26010565724509743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoeJ757,2019/01/02,"Today would've been my Dad's 56th birthday Two years ago my dad committed suicide and left behind 5 kids and a wife of 30 years. He genuinely thought he was doing us a favor because he thought he was a burden and somehow holding us back. 

Here's what the aftermath has been so far: his wife (my step mom since the age of 2) has tried to kill herself twice, she's been in the hospital 4 times. My youngest brother (25) overdosed on heroin, I quit my job in which I was the top salesman and making over 6 figures a year, and my wife left me & took our 4 year old son.

My other two brothers and my sister are very strong people and they really don't talk about it so I don't know how they feel. I will most likely be next, I constantly think about suicide and before my dad did what he did - I never thought about it. I stay in bed at least 18 hours a day and mostly think about memories of my dad, and what I could've done differently in my relationship. I really miss my wife (even though she's alive) just as much as my dad.

I guess the moral of my story is: depression really sucks. It's the worst disease in the world -- in my opinion. If you're having suicidal thoughts, try to hold on one more day & spend your time trying to help others.",4.949817708333335,4.744689242187505,5.631625000000002,85.08420833333334,68.6875,8.857916666666666,28.394791666666666,8.447377352677275,1.7352263541666666,970,29,211,13,15,316,154,256,0.14,0.8109999999999999,0.049,-0.9796,2,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,3,1,2,3,13,9,2,0,12,0,19,0,0,2,2,32,32,17,4,1,2,14,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,10,0,2,9,0,1,2,3,6,0,4,14,1,36,3,24,16,6,36,1,2,0,0,33,15,1,6,19,131,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453793612967956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23110837324226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820065261092298,0.0,0.0650122628434645,0.0,0.09075047509158328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524972082269692,0.0,0.08515057763060957,0.0,0.0,0.13755961153148685,0.0,0.09185665896712293,0.0,0.0,0.11142554417837468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913899221770272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044068285701276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053924957360477206,0.07619009307137807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174859375565052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714846011817074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502781825901318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583271262982276,0.0,0.1179913576515458,0.0,0.05861152141352531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174898067871774,0.0,0.0,0.05210333224199838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118906008771933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490606272575175,0.0,0.0,0.07839931311171051,0.0,0.08225431174651092,0.0,0.1134224603531522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191022363454907,0.0,0.07226814731300968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393701362682804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343437813561205,0.0,0.0,0.20496631129180784,0.0,0.0,0.11450115304296153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882211851734534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367368293191442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499702086721782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857204558420848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366727927344906,0.10478213699319204,0.3386696890556653,0.12437582180483366,0.0,0.10109081657197172,0.0,0.11849100381266302,0.2172230857166786,0.0,0.20836122413479213,0.0,0.2565713194105578,0.0,0.0,0.08799662440281958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576041570506392,0.0,0.0,0.2747139318310949
suicidewatch,amo9434,2019/01/02,Motorways? How long does it take for police to notice someone is on a motorway bridge? ,2.8818750000000013,5.857643437500003,4.492500000000003,77.1025,83.375,8.200000000000001,26.75,8.841846274778883,3.065100000000001,69,3,11,2,2,23,16,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306949416030124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355485487708536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603305560974726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170079033203624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700451396965424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bean-maker,2019/01/02,"does anyone else feel like they’re just rotting away? i’m sick of feeling this way. i can’t get help because my parents don’t believe in depression, and im turning to drugs daily.

i’m either binging heavily with the munchies or starving myself because i feel like i don’t deserve to eat. i absolutely hate my body.

i haven’t been able to plan for the future because i’ve been so reliant on the fact that i wouldn’t make it this far. 

i definitely feel different than when i was eating normally and i didn’t just take any available drug. for some reason i just tell myself i’m slowly dying from the inside. i’m just rotting slowly.

i’ve been incredibly blessed, and i know for a fact i’m more fortunate than others. i have amazing friends, but i can’t help but push them away. i’m afraid i’ll only drag them down.

feeling like i’m rotting is somewhat comforting. it makes me feel like i won’t be around for much longer.",1.8813577827547616,4.134155909574473,3.3955431131019047,88.3418421052632,80.32978723404256,5.872788353863382,25.852183650615906,7.0608816371341465,1.2185489361702126,733,30,147,9,19,241,110,188,0.058,0.75,0.192,0.962,2,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,8,11,1,1,5,0,15,6,1,3,2,29,35,8,1,2,8,1,6,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,8,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,5,6,21,8,18,27,5,11,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,3,6,82,27,0,0.12628251208011662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587643862633737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829966866107318,0.12939135700292798,0.0,0.11241820919862018,0.0,0.0,0.23729315413073146,0.0,0.0,0.2309419417564161,0.0,0.0,0.1422771468014055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027140256651005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876694261102683,0.0,0.13106131010174685,0.1319383472611328,0.0,0.0,0.11051067732414158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928952439376021,0.2584370726433232,0.10549283462491432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38311339483586265,0.3608650074498973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756555557578264,0.0,0.0659774004433866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246778363298868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692890118523856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364067832343982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940156606622931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467810265050925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858911482650954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283217663095486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373004952244153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604354094486303,0.0,0.0,0.14022178513723466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983945474104658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094948733031708,0.0,0.11037648168505268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735911020696082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023718012209468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohmar_s,2019/01/02,My little brother saves my life on a daily basis and doesn’t even know it. Maybe he’s not so little. He’s 18 I’m 24 I’ve battled with depression most of my life and being from an old fashioned Mexican family there’s a sort of stigma around mental health. My parents believe that mental health issues are ONLY caused by drug abuse. So when I told my parents how I was feeling they immediately accused me of dong drugs at a young age. Around 13. They were never really supportive of my mental health and assume I will “get over it”. now that I am older and more independent I have gotten a therapist with my insurance at work and I came to the realization that I haven’t killed myself because I couldn’t bare to leave my little brother behind. He has always been by my side. He’s been with me through the good and the bad times. Even when he was too little to understand how I was feeling he would always make me laugh. He would always find a way to put a dumb smile on my face. I know now that he’s older he understands what is going on. I’d rather see my little brother grow up than not at all. I know he’ll never really understand how much he means to me but I hope one day I can pay him back for saving my life every day. ,2.3036363636363606,4.076729225296447,4.053102766798421,86.4866106719368,76.90513833992095,6.813438735177866,20.98616600790514,7.686295010490155,0.7768513833992094,966,24,199,14,22,325,141,253,0.08199999999999999,0.866,0.052000000000000005,-0.6372,2,0,2,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,17,11,3,0,10,0,19,9,1,6,3,44,39,14,1,5,4,5,2,0,0,4,8,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,11,0,1,4,7,5,0,1,9,3,33,6,29,24,4,36,0,1,1,0,20,16,1,4,15,129,40,2,0.0,0.10853365132156427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286611544269135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630907924867184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043645260571052,0.07648402713969045,0.055839862847797066,0.0,0.0,0.10320433313251534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476853611396976,0.0,0.0941007125230697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815170716037696,0.0,0.07889685751642231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245898591471488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100480425090072,0.0,0.07717882078530368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635442025119129,0.0,0.09263366913816187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837227692013198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785837899941195,0.0,0.052059652373312025,0.07683159576357143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921066277693597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098167285817976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560891825979488,0.0,0.0,0.10134428399072448,0.0,0.151026552863372,0.0,0.0,0.09699352424124158,0.0,0.0,0.19410407011129133,0.0,0.4590474440345026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114519288665934,0.0,0.0920267417644982,0.0997816712565186,0.0,0.0,0.2769404768579209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733817129331783,0.0,0.14129855770823532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612112031949864,0.0,0.06207203468581509,0.06966761576077728,0.0,0.0,0.20342684895050475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208553140197748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173654549707668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299510924276377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394911326796973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635723719739283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053413990894966484,0.0,0.0,0.08752984635577864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860834233917373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270957818703187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666875068468064,0.0,0.0,0.1301431772171621,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isolationtoolong,2019/01/02,"little brother died today my little brother died today. He was a dog, but I consider him my little brother. He is so pure, so honest. He loved me and admired me. Always happy, never in bad mood. Greeted me every morning, welcomed me back when I returned from work. Always joyful, protective too. Loyal to the death. He trusted me. I took his love for granted. Now I realize what a great and incredible friend I had in him.",1.4584886363636365,4.164835962500003,3.7663636363636392,81.01318181818183,89.375,4.90909090909091,24.772727272727273,6.574015621080383,1.4118750000000009,327,14,53,4,11,112,56,80,0.075,0.435,0.49,0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,6,6,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,15,11,5,3,0,13,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,0,7,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30245425205421994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975135814130152,0.15175021275874606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772470452325248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531287369746933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041641094866145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037546704273032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934718617850192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464713345025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280654931521955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017362184372714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445476739919162,0.0,0.20192635264526893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231316041806113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RamiVeri,2019/01/02,"Existential Ecstasy Don't you feel ecstasy while looking at you hands and for existing in this one time in this only world  It scares me thinking that its such a short time of existence in this world and there's gonna be no  ME anymore, because I already exist that's why I can't understand it. My biggest fear is death. I don't care about daily hardships or whatever shit, maybe that's why I'm struggling right now haha :DD all i want is to exist in this world for ever. If anyone asks me to choose I would  better stay homeless (sorry maybe I'm too extreme) than die as long as I breathe. But nothing personal, just wanted to share how I feel. Sorry about my English. ",3.8991044776119423,5.247317119402986,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,71.83582089552239,7.748059701492537,29.07164179104477,8.238735603445708,2.039808358208956,530,21,103,8,10,174,91,134,0.201,0.706,0.092,-0.941,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,9,8,1,3,1,1,7,3,3,1,2,17,19,9,2,4,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,4,14,4,16,16,1,18,0,0,1,0,5,11,1,2,6,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833559949097066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478095168728932,0.11617932568930715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533234383075936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128644676129628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695045136048832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940593049533562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724424888843413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029656308459316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697038600922594,0.16802575649299106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704180262108554,0.13952821635516027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33384973404221496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594300478252017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259081802737946,0.12636824116087156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507999523526935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189532339104327,0.0,0.0,0.16634997830747073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055555300939915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719934746228311,0.0,0.17709894919618624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370111226323368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064653108472079,0.0,0.0,0.193772443884318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297304562774204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600485619032185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998577942676475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803162936199856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nuttymcworriesome,2019/01/02,"I just want this pregnancy to be over so I can kill myself without regret. I'm so sick of everything. This gross fucking room. The temper tantrums my toddler throws. The mice that think they own the place. The roomies that have dishes and trash everywhere. The pain of being pregnant again despite being on birth control. The scraping by to keep up with bills just to stay in thousands of dollars in debt. Having to apply for jobs on behalf of my SO because he won't fucking do it himself. My doctors blatantly making it difficult to get sterilized after I give birth for a second time because at 28 I'm ""still young and may change your mind before 30."" Constantly being judged as a mom because I sometimes scream when I cant take it any more. But then again, maybe I am a shit mom becauae even now as my toddler yanks at my hair and hits me with toys I just put away during his shortened nap, all I can think about is how much I just want to die. I try so desperately not to cry around him but I cant hold it in and I know him seeing me this way is damaging him in some way. Its not his fault his shitty mom is like this but hes not old enough to understand that. He just sees me, a wreck and mess, and the only thing really keeping me together right now is the fact that its pretty fucked up to kill myself and leave a toddler alone for hours till his dad gets home and only a few weeks before his baby sibling is born. 

And maybe for most moms having kids to live for is enough but honestly it hurts me more. All my choices and options, even death revolve entirely around what's best for my kids. I'm trapped and lost and angry. I dont want to feel this way but I cant stop it. I wanted 2019 to be a better foot forward. I wanted to be a stronger, happier mother and wife but I just dont have the spine for it. I feel like I'm being crushed alive and no one and nothing can help me. I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I just want to be done.",2.501444024598058,3.951250523227386,3.611362525005557,91.24586056160628,75.55256723716381,6.424568422612432,23.64088315922057,6.980632752743323,0.6792960065199676,1540,46,336,15,33,498,213,409,0.2,0.6890000000000001,0.111,-0.9922,2,2,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,1,1,4,25,23,8,0,17,0,32,15,6,3,5,69,65,33,4,8,18,7,3,2,0,2,5,1,2,2,20,20,1,5,6,2,3,4,12,18,0,3,2,6,47,5,51,52,12,46,0,4,2,3,25,19,4,4,23,231,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770382000101294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758588039157951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076781599934422,0.0,0.0,0.07956044411069764,0.0,0.0,0.15486197667383753,0.0,0.14411432902139254,0.0,0.08886732546181657,0.07489332843787674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958110878224777,0.0,0.0,0.09150991314097376,0.09497677146130147,0.0,0.0,0.09301793509502336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788535072259315,0.0,0.0,0.08667443604471732,0.0,0.08665790794842881,0.19849064610156605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499590496471146,0.0,0.11186180276745034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610568582614613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563436213055302,0.06049601464883932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348582380211117,0.08848449589326543,0.08123358549343901,0.048126077323761375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675978734142775,0.0,0.08494179488262743,0.0,0.08339357750856694,0.0,0.09065259907148963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403267505634979,0.15053645689965106,0.18737362334594265,0.0,0.04653837940191997,0.0,0.0,0.08966479096066894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274156976320557,0.0,0.0747747401072131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243914868753628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652512352057526,0.0,0.17014658715940614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855035165673174,0.3967087423456404,0.0,0.0,0.062250166698466725,0.0,0.06531109029733488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125355740043473,0.0,0.08885830500309314,0.0,0.0573819340842188,0.12880720136287602,0.0901063925929841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884734626397527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615086561305338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512764113121718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054248719531953066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231698140521332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495934419548888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869236734571278,0.0,0.0,0.08474200338027504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375152384160907,0.0,0.0,0.0902585166997254,0.06762623450740535,0.07079698058894797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366945894771962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625819258145584,0.10852013612344016,0.0,0.0,0.04937808338688877,0.09732817758746938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749273711684583,0.0,0.0,0.08815574907843737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496287066124413,0.20164714644547,0.067925868303076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162931551771499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dreetski,2019/01/02,Help pls I've been deoressed for yeeeeaaars now. I'm done i wamna stop.. I've rhought about it so long.. Its enough for me.. Please don't try and talk me out.. But I'm lookijg for the less painfull way.. Pilss or sth? Anyone now pills whee i will die and don't habe much pain.. Pleaee help me.. I can't.. Im done thank you for understanding ,-1.7178525641025608,0.008178902777778774,-0.318888888888889,107.21346153846157,107.19444444444444,3.882051282051282,13.871794871794872,5.873414542411696,-1.1502192307692307,259,6,68,3,13,80,51,72,0.086,0.7859999999999999,0.129,0.2477,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,7,11,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,6,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566374179405285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458911495945153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849138663428461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244807262486372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31761219009474706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559200782897482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967151494315814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416742296735474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521053199234457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600729313573181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808023523494625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904316542713789,0.0,0.21812906759849815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085678792611582,0.0,0.0,0.24664768708364554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806034697196156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beeopop,2019/01/02,"I'm so fucking sorry. I just found out last night that my mom is unemployed and I'm so scared. She'll have a hard time finding a decent paying job because she can't speak English fluently and only has a high school diploma from our home country. We were already low income to being with but now we have no income at all. I'm so fucking scared. I'm in college right now and there's not much I can really do to help financially. I reached out to people but I don't think they want to help. They don't care about me anymore because I'm the worst person alive. I'm so fucking scared. 

I was planning on killing myself this week but now knowing this, I can't do that to my mom. Not when she can't even support our family financially. ",0.9199961300309596,3.2103161776315794,2.724690402476781,91.45312693498457,84.59210526315789,5.155417956656347,22.75696594427245,6.522977012572876,0.5725962848297219,577,21,121,6,17,191,92,152,0.235,0.687,0.078,-0.9779,5,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,4,0,2,1,12,11,4,3,4,0,16,3,0,0,1,20,31,11,1,1,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,8,9,0,0,3,2,19,2,13,26,3,16,0,1,0,3,15,8,3,0,8,78,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948598022516874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332911021112338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620114633508008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735199083242587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545683018230146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624449509156908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209244395737146,0.0,0.0,0.15846325778227008,0.0,0.4008307105563517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946524031317366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374296667461824,0.1526976868394185,0.14496949430266473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341790663421353,0.0,0.15989454578663986,0.0,0.07942668667273163,0.11780646193972355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385298476607532,0.0,0.0,0.1062418706715956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562611328298546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991711954003418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019484007969112,0.12619290284211393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258586362557288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234228242797958,0.0,0.0,0.434081624064718,0.14626614354320072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178294024911627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400427923914507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926052320722095,0.0,0.0,0.0842731871644982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524408114880748,0.0,0.1159285460305279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Upside_down0127,2019/01/02,"I am so tired of trying and failing. I have not felt this low in a very very long time. I've reached out to crisis hotlines. I have a limited support system, only because I trust very few people to have genuine feelings of support. And even those who I've reached out to, I have not heard anything. 

I have had thoughts of harming myself in the past. This is different. I want lights off. I want to stop feeling inadequate. I want to stop feeling sad. I want to stop feeling. I want to stop caring.

I fully know this is because of extended drug use. My husband and I would do coke every now and then but it has turned into a toxic mind bender than the pickup it once was. 

I know that's the source. I don't need people giving me advice on how to get over drugs. I've never been truly addicted to the substance. I'm not going to miss it. What I feel like I'm losing is my husband. 

I need reasons to go on. My dog at this moment is my only reason for continuing, because he wouldn't understand why I didn't come home and why he had to be rehomed.

I need something to make me feel warmed and loved. I feel dark, cold, and empty. I feel like I had an open wound that day as healing and the scan has been ripped off exposing a hole in my chest. 

I feel trapped. I don't want to be at work. I feel trapped. I want to be home with my dog. I want to be with my husband, but I don't think he wants to be with me anymore. 

I want to reach out to friends and family, about the recent pain he has caused me, but I don't want to make him look bad. I don't want to be vindictive. I want remorse and humility. I want change. 

What the worst part is all of this I want to tell him, but I don't think he will listen. I think he will feel attacked. 

I am so tired of begging for love. From him, my parents, my family, my friends. I'm tired.

I want to walk off the parking garage roof right now. I want this pain to end, but I am exhausting the .0001% will to live I have right now. Unfortunately, I'm not sure it will last until tomorrow morning. Doesn't mean I won't stop trying. But I need help.

Please help. ",0.5053149955634453,2.5124521791383216,2.410591048013412,94.85525953859806,83.89795918367345,5.195326826382726,20.69806763285024,6.391308007922933,0.09109105787242422,1605,49,369,15,46,533,190,441,0.193,0.647,0.16,-0.9843,2,2,3,0,0,0,60.0,0,0,0,4,8,24,1,0,14,0,45,15,1,7,3,89,108,22,0,23,10,4,13,2,2,7,11,2,2,0,16,19,1,6,22,0,0,4,15,12,0,0,10,19,61,12,56,85,4,45,0,5,2,2,24,19,0,0,23,225,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599929967003608,0.0,0.059160568222498926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060041016830163864,0.0,0.0,0.04982059296141322,0.0,0.0,0.06887483030838543,0.0,0.0,0.05054972202998194,0.11071682483427933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172621422470275,0.06219291842696328,0.06404500409027923,0.052151243005299316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904433499177965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325310496454818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041811189080847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362190365817205,0.0,0.0,0.03998716756901253,0.0,0.05100892412703941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114146498373716,0.0,0.3367282712963712,0.08650188769260482,0.05812944727234622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354860744988916,0.0,0.031630496532397814,0.05807703639661072,0.06881439314491261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115954048484605,0.0,0.12145635781127084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654417967511436,0.04934949888132401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915515275438026,0.0,0.053459357682844974,0.053577426610962084,0.05083971114793075,0.0677305843614576,0.0,0.0,0.10928234751695028,0.0,0.0808239999770171,0.0,0.0,0.065947570157254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061129775493159434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956336988633398,0.0466934279123627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447484708219912,0.0,0.09208925687887448,0.12884109966099416,0.0,0.06722430193889994,0.06556067232949928,0.057793824607851624,0.08394386975066062,0.0,0.0,0.06645651602732973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449373256162476,0.05977754377290269,0.0,0.0,0.10340442159857173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660789517094037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253077516735154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740382083600214,0.05705975828690611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291604242869628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637787235025872,0.0,0.04806328196130637,0.035302304196419304,0.20875105085518308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822075688471367,0.06585189519284901,0.0,0.06302595923471087,0.0,0.05228851949334218,0.0,0.14985952532483265,0.6070532507848735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092587868192801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440750187986535,0.0,0.0,0.043007028254480384,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BraySC,2019/01/02,"I’m really sorry I’m having so many bad thoughts, I really don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t like being this burden for everyone anymore ",3.968,4.570144466666669,6.780000000000001,73.17000000000002,71.0,10.0,28.333333333333336,10.125756701596842,3.0083333333333333,114,4,21,3,2,42,22,30,0.264,0.606,0.13,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.606823044078107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554481737568208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29233998570657976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494674464327376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31017641927045697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39198761173576585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34247619390529177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428831872605105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045208240030666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rosesmadi,2019/01/02,"im in the final stretch i’m finally gonna finish the stupid waste of fucking life. gotta bunch of pills of mine that are way less likely to cause seizures than my others, the pills will knock me out cold quickly so i’ll be unconscious or close to death within a few hours or less than an hour of taking them. thought i’d post my plan somewhere just to get it off my chest. no idea when i’ll actually off myself but it’s very, very soon. as soon as i post this i’ll be writing my note. people trying to change my mind is a waste of time and energy, but go ahead if it will make you feel better about yourself. ",4.049538461538464,4.043429761538462,4.72596153846154,90.12278846153843,70.61538461538461,7.730769230769233,24.711538461538463,7.1686216300943375,0.7427692307692304,479,11,111,4,8,154,93,130,0.092,0.858,0.05,-0.5187,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,3,7,4,2,0,6,0,6,5,1,2,0,16,16,10,1,1,6,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,11,2,20,9,4,22,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,3,12,66,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.18299472681380813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584824677796106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926370705806668,0.19837374230583468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481691573557124,0.0,0.0,0.4108430551732504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336135643231007,0.09797266870775097,0.0,0.10657325178259487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693434091078016,0.0,0.0,0.21168986578723692,0.20255627674784027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245255518072938,0.09161392988606926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251725998874683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893440792633833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300043603916296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591890792967151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099344173946862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887176986865105,0.1093457685722218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731534106144488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094510938689047,0.0,0.14884648340650902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uneekElf,2019/01/02,"I need an out Hey there. Who thought that my first reddit post would be on this subreddit. 19 and lost, I have been a hated person throughout my miserable life. My parents hate me for being a failure as a person, my friends hate me for who I am as a person, and I have shut myself in this bubble of self hatred ever since I was 14. I always needed an out from this failure: all that I dreamed of have never seen the light of the day. I know I am a terrible person but you know, I always wanted to remain unseen and a nobody but that just never became real either.



Fast forward to 2018, and here I was: helpless, pathetic and disgusted by myself. I have realized that I cannot overcome this feeling of guilt towards myself, let alone anything else. I have never been able to find acceptance within me. Hatred by your loved ones hurts a lot you know?


People generally tell you that nah you shouldn't end your life it is cowardly but is that true at all? If I want an out, why am I not allowed to have one? I remember that night when I gulped mum's sleeping pills because I watched it on TV as a 13 year old teen that they would kill me. But no they didn't.


Day in, day out I am forced to never be true to myself. I cannot end my life because the guilt never allows me to. Depression isn't waht I am going through. I tried helping depressed people feel good again for a couple of months but that didn't make me feel good either. This has become a boring story of a boy who cannot end his life because he cannot find a means to and also because he fears pain. I apologise. I am not looking for empathy. I just wanted to let it out because I thought maybe somebody on reddit would hear me out. 


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suicidewatch,fcklyf,2019/01/02,My friends know i am suicidal. They all know now that i am suicidal. They know my story. Half of it. But i don't know. No matter how much i want to be with them i always feel that they didn't want to be with me. As if like i am alone even if i'm with them. Is it normal? Or i'm just overreacting things. Like always. I've been eager to kill myself but i don't have the strength to do it.,-2.256180069930071,-0.4607880340909071,0.7272727272727302,101.90513986013987,99.79545454545456,4.071328671328671,12.451048951048946,5.873414542411696,-1.2450027972027975,295,5,78,3,13,102,50,88,0.16399999999999998,0.71,0.126,-0.7419,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,5,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,12,0,0,1,1,20,21,7,3,5,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,16,5,9,17,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23009041972954875,0.0,0.0,0.3697092869068705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673436772861992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233060501619857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164001104056356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578676072157624,0.0,0.4883725817186563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707198746505935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331292050584756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176693090174205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860132450978249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759301412576395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620710603125929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwantrootbark,2019/01/02,"After 35 yrs of depression, life really gets tiring and old maybe posting about it might help. I'm a 35 y.o. male from California and as time goes on and on, the more disconnected I become from reality and the people around me. 

I ended a toxic relationship at the end of October and at first, seemed like the right thing to do, but now I'm feeling more and more isolated. 

Even though we fought quite often, mostly because she thinks I was cheating on her (I never did), she cared enogh about me to cook the meals and other lil things here and there to be helpful. 

After enough fighting, I broke it off. 

Thats just a lil background. 

Fast forward a lil to the present and a flash of all my shortcomings throughout my life flooded my mind. Everything I've ever done wrong to myself, and others. All of it. 

I've disliked myself for my whole life, I have no confidence, no desire. The only desire I've ever truly felt is the desire to not exist. I don't like myself, I don't like that I'm stuck with myself. I wouldn't want to hang out w me.

I could go on and on.

I'm not sure that I want help. I Just don't know where else to post. Nobody wants to hear me go on and on about suicide. When I talk to friends or whatever, you can see the look in their eye that they're really not interested and its a judging look. One that asks ""c'mon, you can't be serious?""

Back in 2016, I was ran over and dragged by an SUV. I survived. Now I struggle with the ""why"" part. I always ask for relief, an escape. I don't want this. Give this life to someone more deserving. I should've died that day, why didn't I? Its a struggle. 

I contemplate everyday the exit bag method. I fantasize about taking my dog to my sister's house, coming home and ending it. 

Yesterday, I had dinner w my sister and I wept the whole time. She talked to me and stuff and it was temporarily ok, but what I really want is to not exist. I want death. 

Im rambling. I just wanted to post some of my feelings. 

Thx.",1.0650902464422067,3.2812863756218924,2.996842531528408,90.22801978479694,83.25373134328359,5.92858961008909,19.547842184426703,7.215322853602372,0.4425036908480853,1521,41,323,22,43,509,211,402,0.17,0.688,0.142,-0.8455,0,0,1,0,2,1,62.0,1,2,1,3,20,19,3,2,21,1,22,9,1,0,6,63,55,24,3,12,10,2,3,3,1,2,5,1,1,1,21,24,3,0,6,1,0,6,14,10,0,2,11,8,52,9,49,39,12,48,0,3,4,0,24,19,0,6,25,222,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535241659824242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061678886558349,0.16932104730209854,0.0,0.0,0.06963434957393651,0.0,0.055203980124758974,0.10001539895131348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233102669817776,0.0,0.0,0.07800863653709092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230406371871828,0.0,0.0,0.05840312064846974,0.0,0.07799841067149653,0.0,0.09398603696178584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267338950697596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565049858393418,0.0,0.2406254205180996,0.0935717469233833,0.0,0.05981342421161232,0.1638317612403778,0.0,0.0,0.08138866992334144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157879280479517,0.0,0.08695092701644076,0.0,0.0,0.07702951485443188,0.0,0.0,0.06996572753182373,0.0,0.047313386322025086,0.08687253001724696,0.10293363444504076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206667495455644,0.0,0.18209954539021253,0.0,0.09083815001931524,0.0,0.0,0.10449303002782633,0.0,0.0,0.09781935615441084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049768906998126465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25585825088826664,0.13272778973006352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520936537672409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097877688490964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606888251125033,0.09143886441125244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984475223948598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502653024328664,0.0,0.06136518240453144,0.06887426794510865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806666848495894,0.0,0.06278226987064123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601917232975225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632073830656128,0.0,0.0,0.17404341396394854,0.0,0.0,0.0972265708096493,0.0,0.07733696721276068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216386922055472,0.0824415934781691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673042224746139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893440446504485,0.1036684908504982,0.09905694504801586,0.0,0.08535086967428981,0.0,0.06808916472195331,0.14557593086663145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032686958384507,0.05802660762536885,0.08897384516409637,0.0,0.1056114661236534,0.10408435104313192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738986790449337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634309845424518,0.2022119776685319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990121476344642,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zboy663,2019/01/02,"I think im killing myself when I get home I'm heading home from a trip to NYC and I don't know, I guess I just have nothing left to do. I've always wanted to go to the city, I saw some shows I've loved since I was a kid. And I guess I'm just done. Nothing left to do ",-2.657807692307692,-1.0790884153846108,0.4679807692307705,106.17889423076927,94.69230769230772,3.25,14.278846153846152,3.1291,-1.6865,203,4,59,0,8,71,38,65,0.08,0.85,0.071,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,0,10,17,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,1,6,14,1,5,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,1,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438181794188042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021676401330972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032144794780529,0.0,0.1122752177123635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43525882476987804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274871094158364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963281049967173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339360196367446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185656459510909,0.0,0.10857121481520242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292887773199314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830135236019076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791192365696357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634197682592224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658544584329626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165232220282093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jptalksYouTube,2019/01/02,Suicide is a choice a hard choice..but a choice Life is ours an ours alone. Im leaving on mt bday next month. I believe in doing whats best.,-1.1459677419354826,0.8661246451612925,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,92.87096774193549,3.1,17.427419354838708,3.1291,-1.1721032258064517,108,3,27,0,4,35,24,31,0.246,0.623,0.131,-0.4019,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275607229615716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35632840499248275,0.33190624280216896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28331613124057864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416262737396157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348846578283101,0.0,0.0,0.2233911167809115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524439933217092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33635712834689097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459484539170893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1192019,2019/01/02,"Give me a concrete reason to live I have tried everything to make living in this world tolerable and nothing has worked. I’ve been told that I create problems for myself and I would say that’s accurate but that it’s my nature. I will always want to be more than I am and to want what I can’t have and if I ever feel like I have everything then I go and fuck it up by acting like a Darwin Award recipient. The closest I came to death was recently fishtailing at 120 in a 2 lane road while passing a random mustang who was trying to race me in the middle of the night on a boring ass road. I’m putting myself in more and more hazardous situations because the longer I live the less I have to live for. My New Years resolution has been to take up shooting and to move as many drugs around as the market will allow. Living recklessly to make my adrenals pump my blood up with adrenaline is the only thing that makes life tolerable, but it’s not the life I want. I want to take the bright path, to be able to get straight As and land another solid summer internship, to make my family proud and to set a good example for all the others out there suffering through what I’ve emerged from (8 years of solitude as a hikikomori), to meet a girl who makes me want to be a better man, and to make her treat me differently than she’s ever treated anyone else in the world, and to fall in love and give selfless meaning to my actions. But I’m getting older and I’m wasting my potential, I’m running out of options as life is beginning to pin down the stakes against me. It’s becoming harder to live freely while juggling responsibilities that will mount and mount and suck out whatever soul is left in me as my physical body simultaneously decays. I’ve overcome so much but no one knows, no one can ever know. It’s a constant game of catch-up to no end, to no reward. It’s a cruel joke that we are born into a world where we know death is the finale, we know that everything is meaningless except that meaning which we create, we know that free will and everything else is an illusion and that there is no difference between anything and everything else except what our minds make of it, and that once we die all that’s gone; whatever we did with our lives is left to be judged by others. There is no truth but action, but the actions we make can only influence people subjectively. Death itself is a completely subjective concept and not an actual event. We know that we didn’t choose to be born and we didn’t choose who we are and we can’t choose our interests, and we know that whether or not and with whom we pass on our genes and which genes get passed is a cycle beyond our control that doesn’t affect us unless we want it to. We don’t choose what makes our heart beat with passion and what makes us laugh and what makes us cringe. I didn’t choose to exist as a unique entity, I didn’t make the world give me an identity, but when I kill myself, simply rearranging the constituent matter of the body, it will break apart the identity that others created of me. We can agree that I am a person and that’s the only thing that makes me a person because it fits the definition for the concept. But when it comes to mapping out more complex parts of not only our identities but all incoming sensory information, we realize we don’t know what is and isn’t a part of us, what sets the line between same and different, we don’t know anything except what we think we know, and being reminded of how naive we are makes us uncomfortable because it means we never really existed as we thought we did and that we should have been doing a better job at seeing the world through our own lens instead of ignoring it and accepting abstract outward concepts as fact.",11.743014888337472,6.716248016129036,11.00198924731183,67.15086848635238,59.43010752688172,14.45690653432589,42.32506203473945,11.51311941424646,4.5597342431761785,2980,102,588,56,26,973,308,744,0.116,0.7559999999999999,0.128,0.0456,3,0,1,1,0,1,46.0,41,0,0,8,14,28,4,0,45,0,59,12,5,20,9,163,117,62,5,10,20,0,1,2,0,7,4,1,0,4,55,73,0,2,27,2,1,15,22,9,0,2,15,4,81,20,93,89,13,82,1,1,2,4,60,40,3,4,26,419,136,4,0.052417682969202906,0.0,0.05115209723626992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361571132340978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054964510975181485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03665166270390146,0.053708110637136514,0.08627057361522747,0.046662851036732095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585999904404786,0.057891212591288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271836181687196,0.0,0.11644845811606964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995186508669135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045153192499123036,0.054958943305057,0.0566448935666764,0.058790888616012525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440127923717032,0.1642959665031144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078787073133427,0.0,0.13136474409179816,0.0,0.046426508718130526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224438564388625,0.0,0.0,0.23554816770505166,0.0,0.049414726449046514,0.0,0.026503955484378373,0.03744720318674685,0.0,0.05742100953665994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845930325773759,0.08215822767398323,0.15085145356525453,0.029790177197376068,0.04396546553444355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621152066998089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052016462165766435,0.0,0.05799239987957708,0.0,0.2880738771903625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390393183621875,0.0,0.11107247896859904,0.05121726435862984,0.0,0.32400042078793434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730900540268528,0.0,0.4898489457669057,0.05314330325010702,0.0,0.17129467057136089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052926917197166815,0.0,0.0,0.05571170151035478,0.03853302823826709,0.0,0.040427748553502334,0.05062532484691317,0.0,0.04919044459537096,0.0,0.05029618052167762,0.0,0.0,0.05582312163409478,0.07103915712045941,0.1594640397173461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352648517946172,0.0,0.036339821369049036,0.0915381978488471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015664343881261,0.0,0.052694249245232194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03358010994155404,0.05389410824511106,0.05175613821569616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041684645388851034,0.0,0.0,0.0417701067861628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891967187220753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882314826341168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964795881995609,0.0335871347133927,0.0,0.04161378516554188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050087342387527684,0.0,0.07117633189802375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152600929643772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855038450634313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03816069749317082,0.0,0.0,0.037236018044525816,0.0,0.0,0.06751053850184688
suicidewatch,Queenofnoidentity24,2019/01/02,"my sister committed suicide my family and i have been heartbroken since my older sis committed suicide because of her boyfriend ( now ex ) , here's what happened  

my sister got pregnant last year of march and onyoo lee ( her ex bf ) force her to abort the baby just because his family was religious and his dad was a pastor , in distress and vain my sister didnt tell us whats happening coz that time she was already depressed and in the verge of suicide , later my dad knew what happened and plans to gundown kill him but my sister prevented dad to do it cause she dont want any trouble its sad that even in hard times she still showing act of kindness towards that monster even had the guts to break up with her and didnt even help her in depression , after months of fighting depression my sister committed suicide by hanging at the age of 22😭😭😭 and not even months of my sisters death her ex was caught in dating site to find new girl he doesnt even respect her and the things she sacrificed for him..... im sorry redditors im just in great pain and anger towards the situation , can u give me some advise what to do in this situation cause im feeling depressed now too😭😭😭",8.061552867733129,6.397481858369101,8.066617245415532,74.95605540382365,63.0343347639485,11.047834568864612,37.92001560671089,9.800150414767053,3.5711064377682398,935,39,179,15,11,304,131,233,0.263,0.6609999999999999,0.076,-0.995,0,0,0,1,2,4,14.0,1,0,0,1,11,15,3,1,7,0,14,2,1,3,3,27,23,11,6,1,4,13,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,11,11,0,1,3,1,0,3,5,12,0,0,11,2,27,3,28,12,1,33,1,5,0,0,37,13,0,1,16,111,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211384380062922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908884488354079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386410247353816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087344005582615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500183541242277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906989496465302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335516392527173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155155857368847,0.0,0.0513700504508034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285701231024578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974602550022092,0.0,0.0,0.08125569744539292,0.1120100799997714,0.0,0.0,0.2695233378444585,0.0,0.09101016722341006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809773709438817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292237279057523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240105309311008,0.10579672403538644,0.0,0.08281439693926526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218610600216693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981221649352327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810543380669417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404135960451438,0.2283965892113006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372853756228506,0.0,0.0,0.08113479196930498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44451865841608623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879948614439677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749594717070466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848302815084315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220762210569235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992402332388429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542456975610407
suicidewatch,lohkanshand,2019/01/02,How to help my fiance My fiance was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a week before his 18th birthday. He is now almost 21 and was extremely bad at taking care of his diabetes. Now he already has neuropathy and severe stomach cramps and I have just caught him choking himself. I don't know what to do or say since the damage to his nerves is permanent and won't get better. The rest of his life he will have to deal with the pain and I don't know what to say to comfort him. I'm so afraid that he might end his life because the pain will not be getting better. Please any advice is welcome I just don't know what to do at this point.,2.429736294240108,4.067178580152671,3.6469118667591935,90.1274253990285,76.17557251908397,6.595697432338652,23.359472588480223,7.348242739294969,0.8416198473282437,498,15,106,6,11,162,78,131,0.175,0.731,0.094,-0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,0,1,5,0,18,9,1,1,0,17,27,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,2,14,5,13,19,1,8,0,1,0,0,17,3,0,3,4,69,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225136633355528,0.0,0.0,0.17651136368245332,0.0,0.19452099606226766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987128857553665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718010575385945,0.10745402963954133,0.0,0.1499948442615044,0.0,0.0,0.3117972574010316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972147763718138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817291224023789,0.0,0.1789127933121548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561250415274706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419012559254846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815168582341015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29062413229725104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490128430263165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699717892572112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751325608141121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934941808608584,0.1666344108691492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035780299158003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991376578872611,0.0,0.1458143653496395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325349206276334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413951007735663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aapapapala,2019/01/02,"New year really hurts because my life was supposed to get better by now. I am a 14 year old boy  who lives in India and who wastes most of his time, gets bad grades and loves music, though spends little time actually listening.

I have had it quite bad for the past 16 months or so. I am in 9th now, and my mental change started in 8th. I suffered, learnt things about life, philosophized, and grew better. One big aspect of my suffering was/is my limerence. Another was a less constructive one - my brother constantly distracting me and me not being proactive enough to stop wasting time in YouTube. My ambition was to spend my summer vacations well. Exercising, thinking, music. Just growing better. A clean, much improved version of myself for 9th, which was needed to be happy and get good marks. You see, music helps me learn about myself, and if I listen often, with concentration, I am constantly critical of my actions, resulting in always doing the best thing. It can be a point of reference for feeling. 

The problem was, I wasn't a good child in 8th (missing school, talking rudely) and my parents are out of touch with me. If I have any problems, I can't tell them. They consider me to be a one dimensional brat, and any display of emotion to them (other than anger) will be disregarded. Example - one day I got up feeling everything that was wrong with my life. I couldn't handle it and I started bawling loudly. I said I didnt want to go to school and to leave me alone because I wanted to reflect on my life. My father assumed it to be an ideal moment to discuss my punishment if I skipped school again. You see how stupid that is.
So back to my point, I wanted to be in the same school. I told them straightforward and seriously early on. At the end of 8th, beginning of my vacation, they forced me to move to another school, in a hostel by telling me that my school had kicked me out for bad grades. I even asked the principal and he confirmed it. I later found out it was a coordinated lie.
While I was there, my mind was a hellscape. I had no hope for the future. The one time I was strong enough to be a good person, my life was lost. So cruel. It wasn't even a good school. I lost access to the internet, which is a big part of my life. And I lost everything. I prayed to god (I'm not religious) and pledged to be  a better person. I knew what it is like to be hopless, so I would appreciate everything more. I cried and cried. No one cared since it was standard. I decided that once I got home for the monthly visit, I would kill myself by jumping off, and if I didn't, I would kill myself there itslef. I begged the warden to give me the phone. I begged and cried, but he didn't let me. I tried so many times to get the phone. Eventually, I got the phone. 
I told them I wanted to go home. They said not this time. Begged. Time up. I sent a SMS 'i will die'.
Picked me up the next day. I told them I wanted to be in my old school. He blamed me for wasting his money. He told me to go back but I wouldn't budge. So he put me in the same school, but another board. I hated it. I stopped going. They put me back in my old school. My entire time gone. I couldn't take advantage of my vacations, and at this point I had pretty low expectations for my life.  

As expected, I wasted my time, didn't study, didn't wake up in the morning. My parents pretty much expected it. I didn't have any motivation. Wasn't listening to music. Didn't want to be honest with myself. Imagine pledging to yourself that you would appreciate life and being so useless. Yet I persevered and got average marks for the first time. (In 8th I was a topper.) Eventually I got a 7 days vacation that I planned to study in. I didn't. I spent my time looking at headphones. Fantasizing of sorts. At the end I felt like utter shit, but then I thought I could work hard, be good and convince my father to buy me good $150 headphones. I made it my one sole motivation. I would let go of the past, reconnect with my music, be a good person. Before this I had negligible motivation to live on. I felt alive again, like the past few months were automated. I started to feel emotion again. I heard music again. I felt utter pain and regret, but I had something to do. So I did. Still acted stupid, but not super stupid. My father agreed to buy me the headphones. They are only available in the us, so he had to get them on his office trip. My winter vacations started on the same day he came back. Everything was good, nothing could go wrong. It was an utterly foolproof plan. I would let go of my goddamn regrets and become the best I can be. I would finally confront the subject of my limerence and tell everything and move on.

Guess what happened? He didn't select expedited shipping, and I didn't get them. My vacations are over. I didn't do much. Didn't feel anything. Automated again. I am very scared to continue life. My emotions are completely messed up. I know I won't be able to function properly. I have given myself enough chances. I wasn't able to properly depict my feelings in this post. I really feel like I should kill myself. This is not a joke post and I would really like to talk to someone seriously about this. What a goddamn cruel world.",2.0708572864695824,4.358457563407555,3.6134692642788018,86.84702495532059,79.85188770571152,6.761073050860079,23.67906210440093,7.882392219407189,1.3247684190930071,4065,142,819,72,104,1342,376,1033,0.157,0.74,0.102,-0.9953,2,1,1,0,0,3,159.0,1,3,12,21,34,69,14,2,47,0,99,14,2,7,0,123,176,53,4,34,17,6,11,5,0,13,11,7,3,5,35,37,0,3,23,2,6,21,28,38,1,8,67,21,163,31,114,72,17,130,1,11,3,1,65,44,1,11,68,561,198,19,0.07581362322757618,0.0,0.036991580011743116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03926002473565175,0.0,0.0,0.031541503914036886,0.0,0.0,0.07733379533200208,0.11924579139854392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031194076088476082,0.0,0.03543775181546425,0.0,0.0,0.11659199313265088,0.0949518129868025,0.04621528104292049,0.04186509524049421,0.032255904714734086,0.0,0.0795617202484872,0.13410197763209733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433552939963345,0.038648520796817375,0.0,0.04010038042353844,0.0,0.039744570769785326,0.08192759342593013,0.0,0.06053100913655155,0.0,0.12491655777300313,0.097787030154446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934128574138032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792018284446444,0.06714836750407498,0.11750360857952916,0.0,0.05007418312650437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034099016574927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500093754508445,0.027080633791029308,0.10918945119334787,0.04152505925259132,0.0,0.03224351459398446,0.0,0.041562862363321296,0.0,0.0,0.11882846713351215,0.036363667806046114,0.1508032022205255,0.2543554808411995,0.15158770050344525,0.0,0.04175862664431717,0.0,0.03352086832090497,0.04035250583717522,0.03395705754935457,0.03742512859716751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02540813678342688,0.0,0.07604724556225931,0.03765001708865864,0.0,0.0,0.04058002583988588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581481206780004,0.0,0.020832592314170832,0.0,0.0,0.040137840187488415,0.0,0.11628684942048292,0.2409723187237905,0.092596767037416,0.037992583713743484,0.06694481827991558,0.0,0.03183217468112029,0.0,0.12413928825357948,0.0,0.03421237746218038,0.03586834169732705,0.0,0.03843155726703524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820115032945549,0.0,0.038275073712631,0.0,0.090770566134143,0.08057788342446935,0.08359760444933946,0.02810742049615797,0.0,0.03661063486889079,0.04031432419466526,0.0,0.0,0.03637260809579245,0.0,0.1193304665298239,0.04036951722418698,0.17980645609848747,0.028829838378637233,0.04033552018600839,0.0,0.08418205665680825,0.041049382985907296,0.10855902279149984,0.0,0.09929629730182657,0.0,0.0,0.10750256861803187,0.0,0.0726084942309179,0.07712971031198464,0.0,0.07254339857532707,0.0,0.07621363120695705,0.0,0.040318560192934665,0.0,0.0,0.07285222253753533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211611683445457,0.0,0.03795133132215475,0.3836371710123981,0.06041364208948979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891079738603335,0.031356906285108226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03211831846810946,0.02918251553954988,0.0,0.0,0.10732254546211137,0.0,0.03027242872099592,0.06338358372758343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02850120477265604,0.0609361185813186,0.09939667248241582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050367202530186415,0.024289154272147718,0.037243249947151884,0.030093774189401814,0.2431414335955415,0.0,0.0,0.1448863318307934,0.0,0.025736236817297368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045597227028776825,0.0,0.0,0.031277089503841546,0.13415051772861214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034082776065857794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0275966103227851,0.0,0.0,0.21542329096702048,0.0828902955773948,0.0,0.04882148771128357
suicidewatch,Phoenixby13,2019/01/02,"Today is the day Not trying to promote this act but for me it's my turn to go. Thank you for having this subreddit and supporting each other. For the curious I'll be taking a bunch of oxys, xanx, alcohol, and doing partial suspension. 

If anyone wants to talk about anything in the last handful of hours feel free",3.8188524590163913,5.6789771147540975,5.030295081967214,80.72740983606558,72.9344262295082,8.158688524590165,26.95409836065573,8.841846274778883,2.252217049180328,248,9,45,5,5,82,52,61,0.023,0.767,0.21,0.9314,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,8,11,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,10,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197020922278306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091737606476108,0.0,0.2461762848538216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292803962226732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126004202025348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700147533571662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946040753811974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24384848858405803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394737008080728,0.0,0.0,0.22492478010536396,0.24044673166811176,0.0,0.2754186092986868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283560746470711,0.0,0.0,0.2031043056967142,0.325391047065911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644736975047354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emjay999,2019/01/02,"2018 was the best year of my life, but I still want to die At the start of 2018 I told myself I was going to grow as a person. I read books, excersised, took my job seriously and got promoted, started playing on ukulele (I still suck :D) socialized in first year of college, in summer went to a lot of trips with my friends and had an amazing time. Even invited my crush on date and she said yes. I am not gonna list everything but overall, I think I am a lot better person than I was last year. But I am more depressed and lonely than ever. I cant explain it. Everytime I achieved one of my goals, I felt empty afterwards. Like I put hard work in myself but nothing has changed. I dont know if its even worth trying anymore. The only time I am happy is when I am in my room playing videogames or listening to music. 

Is anyone else feeling this way? I dont know how to solve this problem.",1.3866120218579212,3.4267714043715887,3.1411202185792386,90.65025956284157,80.85792349726776,6.033879781420765,24.374316939890708,7.1686216300943375,0.9925169398907104,689,26,147,9,18,229,116,183,0.142,0.65,0.208,0.9157,1,2,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,7,7,13,1,0,7,1,15,1,0,1,1,24,33,13,1,3,7,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,1,2,4,5,0,0,6,4,1,6,4,5,0,2,10,5,27,8,21,22,4,31,0,2,0,0,9,8,1,4,17,98,31,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533219382995565,0.09541638679849712,0.13981995578672596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320692433484533,0.12068826380283072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435716390185452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753326852107282,0.0,0.14162450265794765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198614877821988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399527615077208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802618076062238,0.12343637659005753,0.0,0.0,0.12264193993594763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899855236085649,0.0,0.13102352426411892,0.0,0.0,0.11607327092297284,0.0,0.0,0.10542907952193893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775536731641381,0.0,0.10913996473827044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452647889486938,0.12224184585040747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541603593797785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999029492657906,0.11123355833413014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638611942887967,0.06666773000565268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23202775308013024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093757448096838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246919776061667,0.10378439456514453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383041709006347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057431335475586,0.0,0.13718053962949642,0.0,0.0,0.13649747440432092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980522862728033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910434201242658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931749539780447,0.0,0.21795513700507707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743840799684023,0.0,0.0,0.15914248380129692,0.0,0.0,0.1303938998229506,0.15161268791008134,0.09264775339315123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048796574466965,0.10831602989170458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265002935065132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934490290180577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636283532362652
suicidewatch,atmoje,2019/01/02,I do not want to reach another anxiety anniversary I don't really know where to post this but I guess here is the best bet. I don't want to live with anxiety anymore and I don't want to reach the anniversary of when I first got anxiety. I want to get better but it's so hard I don't know what to do.,-0.12413646055437155,1.7313456268656715,2.7607675906183395,92.31701492537312,85.26865671641791,8.007675906183369,20.01918976545842,8.841846274778883,1.2713130063965887,235,7,58,7,7,83,37,67,0.225,0.63,0.145,0.5636,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,16,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,8,2,8,15,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247501388716807,0.4918996983129876,0.0,0.2125638643892136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249325632166796,0.1895629045413144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231421749273305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119817906231444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142419706296186,0.0,0.2361154308423387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920030881689704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558708248335755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926274498272366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527478123469045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730922442116125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056840520005405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,7Grandad,2019/01/02,"It's amazing how much my life has deteriorated over the course of 10 months In February last year my life was great, I had a amazing girlfriend, plenty of friends and plenty of things to do. Now I have no girlfriend, my parents don't like me as much, I have only one good friend and so many people that hate me. To top it off, I was good friends with my ex for a good bit and she was great to talk to about my issues. However now she hates me and probably wants me to die because of how much of a asshole I am. I also lost almost all of my friends and have some people who group up and pick on me online every day. Everyday it only gets worse and worse no matter what I do and I'm honestly convinced that my life will never be good again. I always reminisce about how I had it before. I just want to end it all before it can get any worse. Everything only gets worse. If I've already peaked what the point of living anymore? I don't think anyone outside of my parents, brother and one friend would miss me at all. I've tried everything to get more friends but I always fuck up or people see how bad I am when they get to know me better. I'm a fuck up at everything and probably never deserved to live in the first place.",3.7494465030106534,4.326258775590554,4.9173737841593335,86.41931218156557,71.48031496062994,7.708754052802224,26.358499305233913,7.724431198458867,1.2899363594256599,955,29,206,11,17,316,130,254,0.135,0.713,0.151,-0.1293,3,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,4,13,25,4,0,7,0,19,5,0,5,5,33,37,21,1,4,4,4,0,1,8,2,3,0,0,0,12,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,6,1,31,18,32,28,9,26,0,2,1,2,18,13,2,4,14,140,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442161721693314,0.0,0.0930352399280556,0.06742054484794505,0.14030091185542512,0.0,0.0,0.057331878403194675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361022165296396,0.05894964844485815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039310269141175,0.051392968528451315,0.0,0.14347866406537782,0.0,0.0,0.07456298610029981,0.09204177373979072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543712561062961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749770267967631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467127452214084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710325653645221,0.0,0.2273099879296644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171177555909923,0.0,0.0,0.39081382447283264,0.15588154425650752,0.22023551279518455,0.0,0.0,0.2828519685895823,0.0,0.185898267580064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664720770068417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799495336437341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633310615049245,0.06872172987345686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786462906197386,0.04118830505235447,0.0,0.14888984168709826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203141457959912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547440450658797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729330996688196,0.0,0.18592677389665946,0.0,0.13004602731937726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425766333990495,0.19235858050037,0.0,0.0,0.18722663546742133,0.0,0.0,0.17534427113668313,0.0,0.08808322053045474,0.0,0.07969768153212058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817951314699924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718203019712862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776304187325531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056010046808890435,0.05402073569267655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057239145968354825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945330029547493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436655052598473,0.059889511451209965,0.0,0.0,0.05429115921913285
suicidewatch,sophia-revenge,2019/01/02,"How likely is it to die from hanging yourself I know I want to hang myself but don’t have any good rope only ties, is it worth investing in some rope or will a tie do the job?",1.4946153846153831,2.4273471794871817,3.3979487179487187,93.85538461538464,77.2051282051282,6.2256410256410275,20.69230769230769,6.42735559955562,0.02552307692307698,136,3,33,1,3,46,33,39,0.06,0.76,0.18,0.5994,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138482855864153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789831546359402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870996725080107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579857218529591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536384004193932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254745402894635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35100548123975617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27221546426696586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RingakLinga,2019/01/02,"I feel like I'm stuck There is no place to hide or run off to. There is no visible escape, and I feel terrified.",-1.0609333333333308,0.8754098399999997,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,90.6,6.533333333333335,16.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.2263333333333337,86,2,22,2,3,30,18,25,0.387,0.479,0.134,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5976285074845811,0.42219200381539307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887200862728989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174421355387606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Heavymetal56,2019/01/02,I'm always so angry I'm extremely pissed off right now. If I have another fight with somebody then that's it I'm done with life. Somehow I keep fighting with people. Maybe I should just live alone for the rest of my life. I'm really close to losing it right now. My thoughts are all crazy and everywhere and I just might kill myself one of these days because I can't live like this.,1.083445850914206,3.4547552911392434,2.1725738396624514,95.12049226441636,84.69620253164557,5.536427566807316,18.904360056258792,6.937597516519254,0.15391026722925494,304,8,66,4,9,96,57,79,0.321,0.679,0.0,-0.9797,0,1,0,0,3,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,4,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,15,12,5,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,8,1,8,8,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,3,5,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22958612438258194,0.0,0.0,0.18444949257115012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244321486858785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512965584380676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296059044287068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268481946710249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703293264465166,0.2452480632828753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131480493724708,0.10829811248270596,0.0,0.3914822132657755,0.0,0.0,0.24799511461504584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227000803522588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351597656854827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021119782263098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536799792612741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200924509234525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786146484310128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598340884169694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaceRobotAlien,2019/01/02,"Do your suicidal thoughts fluctuate depending on the time of day? I don't have depression, but every night I want to die. But the next day I will be fine. ",0.8291935483870958,3.3318686129032287,2.6583064516129045,89.80745967741936,88.67741935483872,8.261290322580646,23.87903225806452,8.841846274778883,2.2669290322580644,121,5,26,4,4,40,25,31,0.227,0.615,0.158,-0.6653,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368215437873445,0.0,0.2916914865522269,0.0,0.3514805827518519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28533969126117864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36017384521533113,0.3178139627347297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37044431169335296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688620132759919,0.19747816196097345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997532670795933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abcdefgeewizz,2019/01/02,"I'm planning on dying when I have the money and have my next suicidal episode. My last attempt was with an extension chord in the bath. It didn't work. I later researched it and its not a great method (if you value effectiveness, painlessness and margin for error). It would actually be interesting if someone made a formula based on those parameters and ranked the methods. I think my next one would rank top 5. I'm not convinced success rate is the best way to rank the methods.

I'm currently under the impression that I'm in a situation that cannot be escaped. Any joy that I gain from continuing on only adds more weight to the disgust I have for myself. I have no job and have had to repeat units in my degree repeatedly, amassing more debt. The only things keeping me afloat are my girlfriend (who I've strung along for too long), video games, and music. I'm constantly being judged by a housemate who makes snide remarks about my unemployment, my interests, and my music. My best friends have told my personal secrets to people and it has colored the way people interact with me. When I kill myself it's going to effect about 7 people really badly (i actually counted 6 but i added one because someone i didn't anticipate might take it all on board for some reason). It really sucks and everything I have hurts to experience. I actually don't want to die. It's simply just what I'd rather endure. It's really hard to make this not sound cliche. 

My last attempt was with an extension chord in the bath. It didn't work. I later researched it and its not a great method (if you value effectiveness, painlessness and margin for error). It would actually be interesting if someone made a formula based on those parameters and ranked the methods. I think my next one would rank top 5. I'm not convinced success rate is the best way to rank the methods as is how it's usually done; the statistics would be based on a lot of people who perhaps acted out of impulse or were not aware of better methods. anyway end of rant.",5.075287929125139,6.519909875968993,6.082527685492803,76.07136627906979,69.10335917312662,8.939424141749724,30.35889627168697,9.330973305703688,2.7889144333702482,1610,64,289,33,28,534,182,387,0.125,0.7759999999999999,0.099,-0.9117,5,0,7,0,0,2,41.0,0,2,0,23,9,21,3,0,23,0,33,1,0,9,1,55,51,22,4,11,14,0,2,0,2,6,0,1,2,1,26,18,1,1,7,4,2,2,12,5,0,3,11,4,32,16,39,29,8,36,0,1,1,0,12,14,1,8,17,196,58,8,0.0,0.0,0.3509929151535242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114818168271573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507882791338404,0.05481394756842156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830941539511891,0.07952628010550028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717077791402537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866439952533967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201862441699203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964177675897294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081363473719431,0.08795829247567212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947139883480638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110318883481202,0.0,0.0,0.19827260778977795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805499968878074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962604298196055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923099285257538,0.07992437168433195,0.09948234085331296,0.0,0.0,0.14659239993150114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957571735370869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644614108396634,0.0,0.17016755988891166,0.1200436113564914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539012725219724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868904660270897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279485735884504,0.13677530147009798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493547777633793,0.07851403130760913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172813745423589,0.09245197745840524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010730180562938,0.0,0.0,0.22856489690435486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835707823745732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760809449992647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059738362211704574,0.115233264730628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592170833039435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903336349225934,0.0,0.05303671050724303,0.21412117454492874,0.0,0.10949743683292408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309245874665972,0.0,0.0,0.31938031938821043,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Martianlivesmatter,2019/01/02,"Why shouldn't I jump off the roof tonight? I'm just tired of being sad. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being used for sex and never getting anywhere with anyone. I'm tired of not being able to find work that doesn't make me exhausted and depressed.

I'm 39. I don't think I can reasonably expect things to get better anymore.

I'm not going to get the family I dream of. I'm not going to get the career that makes me feel fulfilled and financially free. It's just always a struggle. 

When is it ok to give up?",0.4946969696969674,2.6200350454545496,2.6813636363636384,92.1653787878788,84.9090909090909,5.121212121212121,18.25757575757576,6.42735559955562,-0.07560606060606112,405,10,88,4,12,137,65,110,0.192,0.6779999999999999,0.13,-0.81,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,4,1,9,6,0,4,1,19,28,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,1,1,3,7,4,0,0,0,1,6,4,14,23,0,8,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,48,11,2,0.15262945535609385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807808511359225,0.0,0.0,0.12699993374701202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136740695515044,0.10672206399658044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498834996133766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145952624807186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388546683605968,0.0,0.07717403863004711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395005570797448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189703635004124,0.1464160813242321,0.1734856736520942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376269327467406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771724527807766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569285005059573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595614461458369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014002281214835,0.09779879208489242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7017004249276763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182284423362328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772434346574394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111160613072762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redemption_time,2019/01/02,"Anything left? I will try and be terse here. I've been having psychological problems since 2014. I was supposed to graduate on the same year with a useless college degree but graduated two years later because of my stupid behaviour and drinking too much alcohol. 

I've been sleeping with prostiutes since then and it's a bad vice that I wish I could stop by I feel powerless. I've got into constant fights with family and friends over stupid things (mostly when I'm drunk) and burnt so many bridges. I have no one left to turn to, I am all alone through my own fault. No one to blame.

I have erratic and unpredictable behaviour and I feel depressed most of the time. I feel like one day I'll just snap and overdose on something...

Please help me and give me your very honest opinion about me in your eyes. ",3.5534562211981573,5.804890967741938,3.7252764976958552,88.07362903225807,74.80645161290323,7.009216589861751,27.845622119815665,7.957251820313856,1.7419493087557598,640,26,126,10,14,197,107,155,0.254,0.626,0.12,-0.9756,1,1,3,0,1,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,6,11,3,0,4,0,10,5,2,0,1,27,18,13,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,13,3,1,3,2,0,0,2,8,0,4,4,4,17,3,17,11,6,16,0,2,1,0,6,7,0,3,10,79,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710331672817776,0.0,0.16575228146598214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169857417825478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133625995210694,0.0975583729637767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729454529995966,0.0,0.12777822901765254,0.0,0.0,0.1032120041633816,0.0,0.1378414748660281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677742749259202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087065598458554,0.0,0.2427617901054823,0.1143319920104824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364584085795464,0.0,0.0,0.15352412388700876,0.0,0.0,0.12799791833962504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727086057661983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477659829418206,0.0,0.0,0.07818703883234303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225456657741166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764718061071225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253399848243789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756749144361327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313584110197234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647720571480888,0.0,0.16015471613569776,0.0,0.0,0.12320594707125496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379988526594908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632289188111987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332010824271733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865606931067638,0.17407662551409495,0.15633498301908882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204904932649414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403711027973133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611991528777932
suicidewatch,ReallyGoodBook,2019/01/02,"Told my suicidal urges to father. Got guilt tripped, called and coward and pathetic. This is why I don't try to get help.",1.213750000000001,3.7751962083333375,2.2800000000000007,92.965,86.91666666666666,6.533333333333335,20.5,7.793537801064563,0.9713500000000002,95,3,20,2,3,30,22,24,0.403,0.515,0.08199999999999999,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243854991033177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713969612390768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324022401445968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785754238853789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546111918578936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971343082827698,0.0,0.2821727205620836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375024460088784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fear0fthemango,2019/01/02,"The only thing stopping me from killing myself is the fact that my room is a mess I need to sort out my stuff before I go. I started yesterday but all I managed to do was clear out the space underneath my bed. I still have to sort out all my stuff, my drawers, my closet, clean out my fridge, clean the sink and mirror, dust my room, vacuum, take out the trash, do my laundry and some random little things. But I just can't. It took me hours to even move from my bed to my desk this morning. Even the thought of leaving the house to go and buy weed is too much. ",4.317912087912088,4.139235931623933,4.745665445665448,90.80846153846157,70.02564102564102,7.711355311355313,26.115995115995126,6.868970318607317,0.8403123321123322,432,11,100,3,7,137,71,117,0.048,0.8640000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.775,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,8,0,8,0,0,0,4,22,15,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,3,0,20,0,15,12,4,19,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,4,5,72,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558752489296486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27258270862276285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23454541564239104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321187998627505,0.2380986670852965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22829423678374774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184934533816118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681558299425865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193159862782207,0.15169001956961156,0.15300492854543246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569374664495703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605465487297975,0.0,0.16479031912536432,0.17251673273465218,0.0,0.0,0.4724397308351523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551485238673916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741777825260734,0.0,0.0,0.16381779929400486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292609714775805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dizzleonbeat2,2019/01/02,Tried to kill myself yesterday.. Used two different knives yday one normal butcher knife and one with a rugged blade and dug it as far as I could and as hard as I could in my arm. Tried to go down the line aswell but funny enough it hardly even made me bleed. As I was sliding it down I just wasn't bleeding so I just quit. Makes me think of how strong ppl must be to kill themselves via wrist cutting. It's bullshit I have some wounds but really I should be dead right now if suicide was to work as it does in popular culture. I guess I'm supposed to suffer more cuz I refuse to believe the you have more to live for that's why ur still alive bullshit. But yea at least music sounds better. But still might need to find a different method because this one is to difficult maybe drown my self drink bleach or jump in front of a train. Whats fucked up is that I had the idea in my head for like 7 years before I even had the balls to follow through with it so idk how long I'm gonna have to dote on my next selected method. Oh well just wanted to vent really I know ppl are gunna call me out on this saying I'm full of shit or I just didn't try hard enough but w/e come at me bro. Much love ppl w/e that even means. pce.,0.7406371109806216,2.6504506679389337,1.9415267175572524,99.09089254257195,82.3969465648855,5.252143276570758,17.32883147386964,6.297961479604792,-0.5293369348209045,953,19,230,8,26,302,160,262,0.21600000000000005,0.6829999999999999,0.101,-0.9903,2,0,3,1,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,4,15,13,5,0,7,1,19,10,4,6,1,41,37,22,5,8,12,1,3,1,0,4,3,2,1,1,12,7,1,1,5,2,0,6,2,7,1,4,7,5,23,6,38,22,8,28,0,1,0,2,9,15,2,6,8,138,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108685343223266,0.0,0.0992299827691566,0.13138412110644826,0.0,0.10313566653475698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907600158215942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045269379903617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621368852432102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436737618774072,0.0,0.0,0.10204975668634376,0.0,0.0,0.11423739112363455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409870101361485,0.0,0.2310674761458283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065831454381815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780782669926814,0.0,0.0,0.06627446217197527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846354300167692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31338989856091753,0.0,0.11967967684675508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164308837011598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580323766868782,0.0,0.0640880420082515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569717431822972,0.0,0.1029723584433509,0.10319978047971776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524874921624182,0.11034305067742156,0.0778407958606049,0.0,0.11715450522308885,0.12702690655185214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370909769624965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572475770884719,0.08646785375222071,0.0,0.0,0.1240203841921538,0.0,0.11425702705195595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370621312579966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403341554374665,0.0,0.0,0.14941191596861786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958777683642434,0.0,0.09273618735705087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165390542520893,0.0,0.11970266493212088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625629055710768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755686307688624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747215860543403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751989211049526,0.0,0.11391499967240053,0.0,0.0,0.10071711305780197,0.0,0.0,0.06878199862635268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485005184787832,0.0,0.1052260581410884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489643031361706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509563639897421
suicidewatch,k-irene,2019/01/02,"I'm exhausted Why do people refuse to believe that there's only so much you can do by yourself.

My exit date is almost here, and have been begging for help with nothing concrete.

I was on a bridge again today called someone and told them they kept telling me to jump and would hang up. Where do you go from there?",3.4109523809523807,4.997079301587301,3.5589206349206366,91.98885714285716,73.44444444444444,5.674920634920635,25.29841269841269,5.6839178017228535,0.5387041269841268,248,8,51,1,5,76,55,63,0.07400000000000001,0.883,0.043,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,0,8,13,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,8,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,3,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989532566810409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363619908225398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048514585633384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967202618646302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001108060261103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194675423704039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864653943483364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270596323030925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697598010540755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25295922529230924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609445997071764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28298912565286216,0.2852759422302288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939363832306906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21208033060262815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dogehja,2019/01/02,"Thing i wrote before my birthday. Never knew the last paragraph could still hit me hard. 2015/10/4
It was the day before her birthday that she ended her life. It happened at about 10pm. Her skull was bashed on the brick floor, killing her almost instantly. Flies flew around her body, analysing the perfect spot to lay eggs. Where a life ended it begins new life. However the girl did not want new life. She cursed the day she was born, and did not want to live through that day again. For her, even though she well recongnised that this was not true, every single living being felt harmful to the world. The flies did not find a good spot. They flew away.
Everything that went into her became nothing. The effort, the love, the worry, the money, the care all vanished into thin air. She became inedible meat. Once she was so alive, but the other day she became dead meat, nothing, no one, a ‘thing’ that seemed like it was never alive in the first place.
And her brother was still cross at her because he couldn’t go to the buffet. Her mother was angry; she initially meant this event to be happy and enjoyable. She had booked a meal with her daughter’s name. It was all because of her. Everything was, after all, her fault.

Fuck me, fuck my life, fuck everyone around me and fuck everything
fuck the day of my conception, fuck the day of my birth, fuck my first breath and my first heat beat
Fuck me more than anything else because I deserved to be fucked the most",3.8285371702637896,5.946872543165469,3.4864928057553968,90.69734112709835,73.568345323741,6.216067146282972,22.734412470023983,6.996647511020387,0.6270930455635484,1149,31,225,11,24,343,149,278,0.201,0.711,0.08800000000000001,-0.9912,1,0,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,1,6,11,21,10,0,23,0,19,20,3,0,7,35,44,8,2,4,5,3,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,15,10,2,0,5,1,1,5,8,12,1,4,21,3,35,9,24,17,6,44,0,0,0,10,31,15,9,3,25,147,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784333175184041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397171247605497,0.1384065210067371,0.0,0.0,0.07303736680221262,0.0,0.0,0.14216500574463153,0.0,0.13229854644281605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634934217669622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925902511189317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206743071001632,0.0,0.0,0.30080729555115066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494008548818199,0.0,0.13770550687327665,0.0,0.0,0.051345185482596416,0.0,0.0654975790933522,0.07428194647680142,0.20959758157021607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464062682229962,0.0,0.07105108165531994,0.19837159199459628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6468073727568417,0.0,0.0,0.0441802707556101,0.06520290760067207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874341602843066,0.08275349761225169,0.0696379375340007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600552831464857,0.0,0.0,0.06336680809316295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745430796319524,0.03797883765064065,0.0,0.13728807529409742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701615386179494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991260510466376,0.15015960086496855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918332702072573,0.0,0.0,0.08278838396553392,0.05267724953493507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121961629689563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076971372917326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416326103704305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329128483707953,0.0,0.07637714515203141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170371883332308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698957566393927,0.07206386222292108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894666582275398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aiscask,2019/01/02,"What's the point? Here's the question: Would you rather live a life that is full of depression, fear and isolation, where everything is a challenge that never rewards or just simply end that life and never have to feel pain again? Right now, the latter seems reasonable.",7.595238095238094,8.427070020408166,6.192244897959185,79.75870748299323,63.08163265306123,9.798639455782316,30.619047619047624,9.725611199111238,2.752463945578232,217,7,38,4,3,64,39,49,0.282,0.695,0.023,-0.9384,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,1,5,0,4,3,0,1,2,12,6,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,5,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,5,28,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193989699816226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256155775421816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289353102919164,0.0,0.0,0.2866425842276763,0.12879937322155555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598473111369376,0.0,0.0,0.22493166105286114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929276652701016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27105116685609204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408026187139831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28535641046018395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619053358430353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753841907682367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189704170938735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809532085966656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BoldSalad,2019/01/02,"My mom told me to kill myself I want to start off by saying that i'm 22, I grew up in an abusive home, physically and emotionally, which is probably why I ended up the way I did. My dad's no longer physically abusive, although sometimes emotionally he is. I've dealt with depression for about a decade now. Since this started, my life has continuously gone downhill, worse, and worse. I used to self harm, I've had many suicide attempts but my most serious one was when I slit my neck with a scalpel (I know how crazy it sounds I don't like talking about it because people think I'm insane probably), my family was devastated, it was the first time I saw my dad break down while they were all in the hospital. My mom was in shock. When I got home afterwards, they were so careful with me. Always tried to make me happy. Always scared I was going to do it again. After my suicide attempt, I started using heroin to cope with my depression, and it worked, really well. Until I overdosed, and after eventually destroyed my life because of it. The point is, my family knows how serious my struggles are. They've almost lost me 3 times now. When I sleep, my parents sometimes come to check on me to see if i'm still breathing. That's how scared they are of losing me. They're always on edge, my whole family is, including my siblings, they're all always on edge that i'm going to kill myself. And I probably will. But with all of this in context, I still can't grasp the words that came out of my mother the other night. We had gotten in a huge fight over my medication, admittedly I do overuse them (benzos) to cope with sobriety, she took my medication from me and I asked for my dose and she started flipping out that all I care about is the medication. She was screaming at me, I was screaming back, and then she yelled, ""You always say you're going to kill yourself, so why don't you just do it already. Just do it. What are you waiting for?"" She didn't say it in a way that sounded like it was out of anger, she sounded serious. I can't describe it. I can't stop thinking about it. We haven't spoken since. It's been two days. We've been acting as if the other doesn't exist. I just can't wrap my head around it. I guess, in a way, she's made it easier for me to actually do it, because I guess it won't hurt her after all.",3.6503391739674598,4.740052048936171,5.0407509386733445,83.54411764705884,72.12765957446808,7.997496871088862,26.802252816020022,8.405096225971981,1.7045281602002502,1813,61,375,29,34,607,211,470,0.214,0.7290000000000001,0.057,-0.9977,1,0,0,0,1,4,67.0,2,3,4,6,23,27,6,3,14,0,40,10,4,7,5,55,77,25,5,3,7,6,0,2,0,2,6,9,2,1,29,22,0,2,6,0,1,9,11,21,1,3,25,11,74,6,58,50,7,63,0,5,2,0,33,22,0,6,30,259,103,1,0.0,0.174945818271985,0.07204449113946057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739270647318437,0.0,0.08146991767322405,0.0,0.3071498430911457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572167202704829,0.06901826836975136,0.0,0.0,0.05676839711571364,0.0,0.1350127409216118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443840715038556,0.1505430702454799,0.0,0.0,0.06359541353496699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047612300050982416,0.0,0.12717415409165628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609085052275066,0.06538879883125882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879254307248052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279719873371037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587273678492636,0.0,0.059046186955543575,0.0,0.16265750240014062,0.0,0.0,0.07859020210324909,0.0,0.0,0.07576778932406919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810897797150896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903331815328357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503587330830506,0.0,0.0811467643130581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429237065203707,0.07213627490636572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259351595884637,0.08059087905774577,0.0,0.0,0.0698568816141372,0.049280088123367115,0.07484897877088871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311877186901286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293055339354646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928162756315084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002707808909475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197613393355567,0.0,0.0,0.05118233816570974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979036715753856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879394096860201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729545930388559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613055344518042,0.14782738949251334,0.0,0.058830551450317625,0.0,0.07701765011038618,0.0,0.0,0.12214089564712928,0.0,0.07388030550363185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460335588255172,0.0,0.2090204898832352,0.0,0.11791665682122188,0.061722668169344325,0.0,0.07717999797498815,0.0,0.16150948570531168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593393368681639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461070650073476,0.0,0.0,0.08609822143185945,0.0,0.0,0.07054485133170084,0.08202450071006875,0.050123679084760134,0.0,0.07211824031812525,0.0,0.0,0.12752562848683702,0.0,0.0,0.04354507062951856,0.17580128140792325,0.0,0.0,0.0663793289582497,0.0,0.13323474819947945,0.0824251961860617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374692692898981,0.0,0.15047201706739266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cormok,2019/01/02,"What is the less traumatic for my family? I wonder what would be the less traumatic situation for my family: to kill me at home and let them find my corpse or to kill me in the forest to avoid them to find my corpse but to leave them in the anguish of not knowing what happened to me.
Thanks you and happy new year.",7.301333333333332,5.177063030769233,7.746153846153848,78.11717948717948,64.84615384615384,11.743589743589745,30.89743589743589,10.504223727775694,2.716743589743589,247,6,54,5,3,82,39,65,0.271,0.624,0.105,-0.8795,0,1,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,3,0,0,6,2,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,8,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,12,2,12,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,42,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39906551625361625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869039942173213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716887637664412,0.225314365493804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231069206148984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683374503872445,0.0,0.11632195377899444,0.0,0.0,0.22411574712676471,0.0,0.21643511473754684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442105873410388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791297617949134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486667193608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295345701575352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035609657264826,0.0,0.0,0.13630110817055333
suicidewatch,mandelorianX,2019/01/02,"I don't want my parents to know about my thoughts. I don't want them to know. Because they don't care about my feelings now! I don't want them to pretend they care! And I'm stuck, cause they expect so much from me and all i want to do is leave this fucking life.",0.9362068965517274,2.329423655172416,1.954689655172416,101.70927586206898,79.6896551724138,4.64,21.944827586206888,3.1291,-0.5254800000000004,204,6,52,0,5,64,32,58,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.8529,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,5,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,13,19,3,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,13,2,7,17,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574750349833834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875379132550034,0.2456120632859559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089146828295615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103554792981275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26279604950312746,0.0,0.0,0.25316258480431103,0.0,0.0,0.16887686916840394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575921314304827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654819860489621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981135070344576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5640876815555619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sunny097,2019/01/02,Trying to move. I live in a small town in Texas and want to move to California to get a new job but  got no way to get there. I lost my job and in debt. I feel trapped i hate this little town. The longer I stay here the more I want to end it.,-0.6066071428571433,0.5619929821428578,1.6315714285714298,103.31342857142859,83.46428571428572,5.194285714285715,14.77142857142857,5.6839178017228535,-1.288431428571429,181,2,53,1,5,61,36,56,0.3,0.659,0.042,-0.9587,3,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,7,0,9,6,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,29,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939351383409348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382972703413305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352365513957551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800526528397156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226386654088612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468027191715137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256339222501438,0.1987890852150227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24575001904791885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785434973484315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174266747367199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399527961164048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528447788862736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655685621440963,0.17869337390603598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_SomalianPirate,2019/01/02,"I’m done I can’t do it anymore. I was already planning to kill myself but I’m finally ready to take action and have reached past my threshold of sadness that was holding me back. My girlfriend broke up with me, supposedly because she isn’t ready to be in a relationship but I know I’m just not good enough. My closest friend is cutting me off. She said I need “time off” and accused me of being clingy and basically wants me to fuck off out of her life. I’m just done with life. I already hated it I was trying to kill myself already but I know there is nothing I’m missing out on now. I’m constantly in so much pain and I want it to end. People say “you don’t deserve death” but it is what I deserve. Not because I’ve done something wrong, but because I shouldn’t be subject to the constant misery that is put on me by life. I deserve the release from pain and to never be hurt by anything again. I’m going to obtain to materials for my suicide and wait 3 days and see if I still want to die and after that I’m killing myself.",1.8512938596491253,3.5643878379629648,3.6483138401559465,89.1543859649123,78.02777777777777,5.658479532163743,27.109161793372326,6.339386263674448,1.0161240740740736,807,34,171,6,19,271,113,216,0.294,0.625,0.081,-0.9966,0,0,1,0,0,6,14.0,0,1,0,2,8,15,6,0,3,0,20,6,0,0,1,32,42,15,6,6,10,0,0,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,8,12,0,2,2,0,0,3,7,13,0,0,7,3,29,2,31,30,2,27,0,4,1,1,9,11,1,1,13,118,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760735533201153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265836176782053,0.0,0.0,0.09348120137956206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734959450605664,0.0,0.20774425158799587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455174449748035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732610979745774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117896444327758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487495630159259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061381601996228,0.1173767573186342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244406923699138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776527628418483,0.10501921331262014,0.0,0.0,0.0645601724208127,0.0952803340731717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215417866920824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216086527700563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770369652905576,0.0,0.12486061467925715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071217656440996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350735648452894,0.0842312312186751,0.08761352441466053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900002591706093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417518553563191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844182767648083,0.07875431951220438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419703193833687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196138238384592,0.0,0.0,0.10805739559961132,0.09033742484222944,0.0,0.0,0.09052263362797164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745303448569401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071924417602158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425741083092565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854113087163068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623971357193617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712535963065953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100854289436249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420121678398476,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lersbyte,2019/01/02,"I would rather die for my country than live a miserable life M 23 here, so what are the chance of me getting accepted to the army and be able to go to actual frontline combat?

To this day I still can't carry out any of the suicide methods. And I think to myself, to die for this country is the ultimate honor, better than my current shitty life.",5.5544285714285735,5.271917442857143,6.5749999999999975,79.09250000000003,67.42857142857143,9.285714285714286,31.785714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.5337142857142863,271,10,53,4,4,91,51,70,0.251,0.63,0.119,-0.9231,1,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,8,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,13,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,39,10,0,0.2668607977757628,0.0,0.2604176434962699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147449353420053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601668941995715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210313772239114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539187524096726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394237525645907,0.0,0.15166314118546406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769833469608206,0.0,0.0,0.23564297355245786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131153778218696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919023995065355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099362384796934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957025412956674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chrisishellacross,2019/01/02,"My Parents Are Killing Me I'm really not doing well right about now and I felt the need to vent before I go and take my life. I'm currently 16 and in high school and the amount of pressure from my parents is breaking me. Maybe I set the bar too high in middle school where I got straight A's and aced everything. I was good at piano and was steadily beginning to really enjoy playing. However, upon reaching high school everything changed. I was forced into taking almost all AP classes that I really wasn't ready for.  I tried telling them that I wasn't this fucking genius that they made me out to be but with that they just put me with tutors and extra classes to ""make it easier"". fuck you, it didn't make it easier. I come home and am pretty much cut off from everyone but my parents. If I don't ""maintain"" the grades they get mad. Last time, I got a B and my mother decided to take away my computer which I needed to do a project on purpose so I would be humiliated in class by the teacher because I didn't do any of the work. 

My dad is too fucking spineless and looks the other way and drinks. All. Day. Long. I can't remember the last time my parents wanted to do anything with me that included any ""bonding"" so I feel no love or connection whatsoever to them. 

I recently gave up though. I can't take it. I let my grades drop and I now constantly get berated about how I'm useless, and that I won't get anything from them when I'm ""hungry on the streets begging for food"". I have nowhere to go, when I told my friends my problems they brushed me off and called me a little pussy and told the whole school. So bye. Fuck this world. Fuck you school. Fuck you grades. Fuck you ""friends"". And most important fuck you mom and dad. You made every hour of these past three years hell and I hope that if there is a higher power, he fists ur fucking assholes in hell ;)",2.0339360447981143,4.1290647771883275,3.2676414677276746,90.28739205717658,78.94694960212202,6.523106395520188,24.53057765988801,7.594959193182576,1.165663778367227,1459,53,307,22,36,472,193,377,0.199,0.7240000000000001,0.077,-0.9953,7,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,6,7,3,17,25,14,1,15,0,25,14,0,5,2,50,66,30,1,8,7,8,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,16,24,3,0,4,3,0,4,10,17,1,1,15,4,56,8,37,46,7,49,2,1,1,10,32,24,11,6,18,196,72,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943966918604201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431486392643282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413115167688925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651525374727469,0.0,0.0,0.042272475353487084,0.0,0.05900805561656964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080967997651219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335852146155694,0.059735152391563275,0.0,0.07493803122503495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472221880740612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793235412120327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058426715845464425,0.0662627571785867,0.12464682929064685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03506325316574903,0.0,0.06658271579256703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385305657687392,0.0,0.10715258160711194,0.5769805708536642,0.10869074762369142,0.0,0.07882148198896431,0.05816385593813805,0.11092413052682763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198025156264954,0.069559358748585,0.06887589487817226,0.06829151400982153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672070683432393,0.0,0.0,0.11305194914811988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091064348026284,0.0489808958530587,0.0,0.06950257674135851,0.0,0.06136873368537744,0.058232895669545336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258717248570146,0.13123309486856208,0.09257754326262607,0.0,0.06966704384115335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121680783191268,0.0,0.0,0.05097704473423447,0.10283786776676504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080006296554505,0.0,0.06619828639348999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705494742130195,0.0,0.06635443859977262,0.0,0.06971154938566297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327383117305416,0.0,0.0684704808762629,0.0,0.07855512331235777,0.059220821270976026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35090758922880894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855724757841346,0.0,0.06061117005620367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813176637452932,0.0,0.08087203293436926,0.0,0.0,0.1325255143571734,0.0,0.04708115636212778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040901871461618236,0.055043363201867215,0.0,0.0,0.06235008329320099,0.0,0.0,0.07742196144965205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048447194884787,0.0,0.0,0.04926117267096782,0.0,0.0,0.04465633637668751
suicidewatch,Manimsotired,2019/01/02,Im doing it in a few minutes I want to go see my sister and this is the only way. while I'm finishing my note I might as well talk to some people on here. ,-3.3255855855855856,-1.846784054054052,0.8474324324324343,99.97042792792796,105.75675675675676,3.547747747747748,11.572072072072071,5.46131890053228,-1.3596090090090094,118,2,31,1,6,44,32,37,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,5,6,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188839195274382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41601725609251416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085726431803174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929163009484059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670075603607023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069066904791778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095609176605621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716553192389685,0.3057061800305632,0.0,0.0,0.34628708493425264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yyungyang,2019/01/02,"Long-Distance Girlfriend is Suicidal - Need Advice My girlfriend lives over 10'000 km away from me. We met while I lived in her country for half a year and hit it off. She has depression and has attempted suicide many times in the past but is doing okay currently. However, due to attempting suicide, she is on probation, as suicide is a crime in her country (primitive law I know).

Her probation involves counselling, a probation officer (PO) and a curfew. However, due to sleeping over with me several times while I was with her, she has had her probation extended once. Her PO was however a good person and let a lot slide while trying to ensure that her probation ends ASAP. 

The Problem: My girlfriend's PO has been switched out. This new PO reviewed the probation violations and immediately initiated a probation extension. My girlfriend is a very impulsive person and is deadset on antagonizing her PO now because she hates her (understandebly). Additionally, my gf has mentioned to me that she might kill herself, especially if her probation gets extended again (which might very well happen considering her hostile behaviour versus her PO).

Being long-distance and handling this is really taking a toll on me. I react with anger when she mentions suicide because I see it as her leaving me but I also try to console her. The next time I see her is in mid-February for two weeks but I don't know if I can handle this much longer before and after my short visits. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle her suicidal tendencies from so far away?

Note: I can contact some of her friends (which she would be furious about and would most likely refuse to meet). Additionally she has access to my instagram account so she would see me contacting them anyway... Furthermore she has a rather hostile relationship with her parents and I cannot contact them anyway since they do not use technology. 

PS: I myself am not the most emotionally stable person and I don't know how I would react if she actually commited suicide. 

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suicidewatch,NewUser9870,2019/01/02,"I'm finished Midway through last year, I was pretty close to taking my own life. I've been going through depression for over a year now, it's mainly linked to health issues and having flashbacks to some traumatic events that happened last year too. Then I found someone who actually cares for me and loved me for who I am and this helped to ease my depression. She broke up with me yesterday and now I'm back to square one. I have no family who truly cares for me who can make this situation any better. Ilive in a pretty bad neighborhood and I went out last night looking to get hurt. I feel like there's nothing left for me in this world now that she has gone. I think it's time to say goodbye",4.174500000000002,5.3112303071428615,4.620000000000001,86.87500000000001,70.92857142857143,7.885714285714287,25.42857142857143,8.238735603445708,1.3677285714285716,553,16,115,8,10,175,89,140,0.145,0.685,0.17,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,14,23,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,5,0,1,5,4,16,5,20,18,3,27,0,4,2,1,9,8,0,1,17,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.14805173001353392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317124585090988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665929303057106,0.12667549548802678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417938474353824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309366637738447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613434174978119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302318251263074,0.0,0.07671154602985833,0.1083850617181552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663474140669492,0.0,0.0,0.0792647053211746,0.0,0.08622299983340576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416086971387478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126570558511694,0.0,0.0,0.10169121205454547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241379869910308,0.0,0.0,0.15835080273053187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710033589800797,0.0,0.0,0.16483854108467005,0.0,0.1071606285091072,0.07412017301881996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740219612508494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692850290644176,0.0,0.10127078679424112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237403383170896,0.0,0.14557441320367615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280585429183292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086969262601642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064967417297058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705337576330073,0.0,0.0,0.12854743195126278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140706256051288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721269838745757,0.0,0.0,0.08846610221314526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406411113868624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930980123799292
suicidewatch,greeeeer,2019/01/02,"Seattle I need someone to sit with me while I die. I can’t die alone, I’m too afraid. I’m just going to use oxy to od and you can leave after I fall asleep. It can be in my car somewhere secluded so you can’t be traced back to my death.",-2.001246753246754,-0.2164027090909073,0.7761038961038977,103.4927272727273,94.27272727272728,3.8701298701298703,15.129870129870133,5.288315135182226,-1.179467532467533,181,4,49,1,7,62,39,55,0.262,0.738,0.0,-0.9313,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,1,1,0,5,11,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,7,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33726578149427433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039776429477184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.675927718838505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506923733384464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34480671190287365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241458613519835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27591449193846496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812491974918802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_thatdamnkid,2019/01/02,"I’m trying 5 months since I’ve been diagnosed with depression.

It feels like I’m crawling through the days. I made it a point to note small good things to look forward just so I still have a reason to be. 

2 weeks since I last cut myself. 

Nobody knew of it, of course. Except the friend I confided to that told me if I wanted to finish myself I should’ve done it to my neck. Haha. 

Yesterday my sis sent me a game I’ve been waiting for. It was nice. 

Slow progress is still progress, I guess. I’m forcing myself to break out of my routine. It gets difficult and most times the voices still win.

But... I’m trying, okay? I’m trying. ",0.03791402714932346,2.3569165923076945,1.733891402714935,96.25169683257921,90.76923076923076,4.597285067873304,17.647058823529417,6.2272716619740125,-0.2466425339366513,487,13,107,5,17,158,82,130,0.063,0.742,0.195,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,1,0,6,2,7,2,1,2,0,15,22,4,0,2,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,8,3,15,7,15,13,1,17,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,3,13,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367779445037112,0.0,0.16517390330130824,0.19464567535653066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625047927577247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696624929254828,0.13700275197243705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816343325788184,0.0,0.10019353766226774,0.0,0.0,0.1608501905984763,0.0,0.0,0.21125970732472785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632068468212407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369065735883178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610411176574997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814603586881096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307147110411126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812875806185273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971747024165963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317273405604319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594507730878604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740553653649098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118244457985635,0.0,0.0,0.1832474300378618,0.0,0.3906040711519932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311275214341095,0.0,0.15382882561202385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sapphogee,2019/01/02,I am about to do it Looking for some reason not to I guess. Feeling about 50/50 on it right now.,0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,82.33333333333333,4.2,20.02380952380953,3.1291,-0.6870190476190476,74,2,18,0,2,24,17,21,0.071,0.929,0.0,-0.0951,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,6,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540622773221195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535237543054015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.421945505710181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516619486592036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291038440120441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boredtm,2019/01/02,I thought before was bad I’m a 20 year old college student currently dependent on my controlling and mentally manipulative father while I’m in college. Despite my dependency he’s kicking me out once this school break ends. There’s literally nothing stopping me from ending it all right now besides writing this post. There’s no end to this. There’s no hope.,4.193831168831172,7.164126045454547,5.2507792207792265,74.21045454545455,76.42424242424242,8.013852813852813,35.18614718614719,8.841846274778883,3.765851082251082,293,17,47,7,7,96,52,66,0.121,0.812,0.067,-0.5508,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,11,5,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,3,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,9,25,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999811315667825,0.0,0.0,0.19363172248684385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552211980470201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046359965864393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260124998821065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932094463599076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834423245025614,0.0,0.23877967960363206,0.2423376192735035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793386248885127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432990140018494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23029683058053674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024536132379635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065248468328488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653733701643668
suicidewatch,celestialhopes,2019/01/02,"Using ED I’ve been in and out of the throws of anorexia since I was about 16. 2018 was really horrible for me and I honestly can’t see myself going through a whole year again. I just don’t want to do it to be honest 

I’m just done, and I’m letting anorexia just take me. It’s probably going to take at least a month
I see it as a fitting end and it just makes sense to me, and nothing makes sense to me at all anymore. I go through life constantly confused by almost everything. I feel stupid, incompetent. 
My perceptions are all delusional and incorrect, and I don’t understand any of it.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about anything. 

I’m a horrible person, and I have no friends or anything. My family has always be dysfunctional and shitty, alcoholic mother and a narc dad who doesn’t dare mention as his daughter, didn’t even talk to me at his dad’s funeral

I constantly make mistakes and I’m just shit. I withdrew from my first semester of college bc I “couldn’t handle it” and lost my financial aid 

Life is such a headache and it has been for as long as I can remember with the exception of falling in love with someone. Which turned out to be a lie

It’s impossible that my life always feels so wrong and for it to be anyone’s fault other than my own. I’m the only reoccurring variable. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, and what I’m doing wrong. I have a friend who I’ve been talking to for about 6 months and our friendship is falling apart because he wants “more” and I just don’t feel like I can trust him. So it’s falling apart. I ask him what I’m doing wrong and what’s wrong with me, so I can fix it, but it just comes back to trust and I can’t even do that. 

Sorry for so much complaining. I wanted to get all of this off my chest and just have it over with. Here’s to one more month",2.2766568147272395,3.701348599476444,3.9503614254348953,88.68831362945451,76.09424083769632,7.442121263300117,25.149805776051345,8.155646560271837,1.368267421043742,1423,49,315,24,31,477,174,382,0.123,0.815,0.062,-0.9268,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,21,20,2,1,11,0,37,7,2,4,3,62,70,30,1,5,11,4,3,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,25,29,1,0,8,0,0,8,11,12,0,2,8,5,41,8,52,56,9,32,0,1,2,1,21,13,1,3,12,218,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104445874836515,0.09786456406720244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264184493978326,0.0,0.0,0.06646116802838394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692396525173723,0.06833654503616557,0.0,0.16085035450588922,0.0,0.09136630503563688,0.0,0.0,0.07514993942577156,0.0,0.05957657087084945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418753598358637,0.0,0.21122732420409068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000138530831756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656161739562072,0.0,0.0,0.12910223858924566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878352946800916,0.0,0.09213311021427728,0.0,0.14824883352988685,0.06981981984618582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313086013908583,0.0,0.0,0.15101513026452051,0.0,0.051060979787756096,0.0,0.1666301855495747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371099707371945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993767673817867,0.2070931821739224,0.04774695926823723,0.0,0.0,0.08648981828218344,0.0,0.0,0.10668611387977434,0.0,0.08820702090474783,0.0,0.19571077353931204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402644944453035,0.0,0.07184432643225981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937765697871292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622578897869158,0.07432965333543612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533588544621885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537171566574782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260967514295415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107113986619414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557596339690321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032057907242303,0.08084498925151537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280807703801496,0.0,0.0,0.10940306582474196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469647274861997,0.15710669308200748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630444216970998,0.0,0.10174254543526612,0.0,0.0844091408507155,0.0,0.0,0.17293474466589012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911438080440868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342734543133109,0.0,0.06293625738098045
suicidewatch,shawnkulka,2019/01/02,"I'm thinking about it, in a messed up way I hate my life. Everything seems so complicated. I feel so not loved even when people say they love me, mainly because I think it's a bunch of bull with something they want from my person behind it. My thoughts honestly. Taking my prescription medication called suboxone that helps addiction and keeps me from withdrawals shoving it up my arsehole to bring into whatever psych ward I go to. Start some chaotic suicide scene get admitted. Have whatever doctors or psychiatrists call my family and tell them what I have almost just done. Maybe get their attention? Then if it doesnt catch their attention and they shrug it off as no big deal or deliver tough love I'm ending it all period. They dont take my pain I go through seriously. I need help with a SPECIFIC thing. And that Is possible outcomes to this. I know a lot of people here are very loving from what I've seen on posts in this subreddit. Specific possible outcomes is what I'm looking for? Please, I need help. (PS I will be posting this in other places to get more input on this)",4.0246376811594216,6.225185980676332,4.913357487922706,80.31902173913045,73.25120772946859,9.044444444444443,28.40821256038648,9.586721724236666,2.8632589371980686,866,35,160,23,18,281,135,207,0.102,0.755,0.14300000000000002,0.8414,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,7,0,7,10,1,0,4,0,10,9,0,0,1,29,40,12,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,18,7,0,1,9,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,3,4,26,5,25,35,6,23,0,0,2,4,21,11,0,7,5,105,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076976527339967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011862393857027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312407489059093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449770115557772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366938681527928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278006690659245,0.0,0.12275665376587015,0.14058755915129142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624542669314928,0.0,0.0,0.07922981824187303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078087337411161,0.0,0.11308385750862905,0.0,0.06065336673473224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801620446136244,0.0,0.1363475382917915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843173273306287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24121196994425234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662242002062053,0.0,0.0,0.06592469010982828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472848269747336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073284302440404,0.0,0.0,0.1019823164303729,0.43305995684089865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051194278658076,0.0,0.0,0.12084306764143865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789173407242384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764166017267747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632479735869785,0.10474096758189642,0.1253285069747946,0.13167568512438854,0.0,0.27046477206896824,0.22976941176247626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539383981637964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092034531201044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923480028100692,0.0,0.0,0.08490548661309573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312124135208066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803839929336122,0.0,0.1048468465906994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969344785389125,0.15372594483423338,0.0,0.0952316786961722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989762772670178,0.07075316708837999,0.09521550321683048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Radialpuddle,2019/01/02,"I feel like my life’s been leading up to me committing suicide but I’m to stubborn to go through with it. I’ve never posted on here, mainly because my writing skills aren’t the best but I’m at the end of my rope, but here it goes. It was back in 2009, I met this girl on MySpace. I was an extremely awkward 17 year old and wasn’t the best with girls. I dealt with depression since I was about 13 so that didn’t help either. Anyways, this girl was beautiful, funny, and most of all easy to talk to. We hit it off well until I found out one thing. She was already talking to one of my friends. They weren’t dating yet so I didnt think too much about it, I even let my friend know and he was fine with it, probably because of my awkward nature. Over time it became very clear that her and I had feelings for each other, we’ve hung out a few times as friends and talked most nights, I didn’t feel good about myself because I knew my friend liked her too but when you’re always depressed and someone makes you feel worth something it’s hard to just turn that away. One night after we hung out I walked her to her door and she kissed me. I was so happy that I didn’t even think about my friend. Obviously that caused a rift in our friendship but I’m going to skip all that because we are absolutely fine now and that’s not the reasoning for this. We chose to not date at the time because I didn’t want to be that guy to my friend anymore and they ended up actually dating so I left it alone. Jump to March 2016, her and I still talked and flirted every now and then, keep in mind that her relationship with my friend had been over for a little while now, and one day we decided to give it a try. She was living with her brother and his soon to be wife and I was living with a friend in the same town, at first it was perfect! My depression disappeared and I felt like I would never go back. We made the stupid decision to move fast because we thought that since we’ve known each other for so long we would be fine so I moved out of my friends house and lived with her at her brothers until we got our own apartment a couple months later. She ended up pregnant less than 3 months after we started dating and now I have an amazing son but the problem was, when he was almost born I was terrified. I admit that I was far from the best person at those points in time, always stressed and my anger was getting worse, it didn’t help that she was Mint the cleanest person ever but I knew that going into the relationship. Not long after I found her talking to another guy so I started working on my anger and I managed to get it under control (keep in mind that I never once hit her) but even after getting better I caught her talking to her another guy. Fast forward to about a month ago. Our landlord sold her property and so everyone living there had to leave. I had the choice of moving in with a friend or moving in with my dad, which is a place I never wanted to go back to. I love my dad but we have a horrible history when it comes to living together. She was going to live with her brother and his now wife so that we could have a “break”   But they ended up telling her nevermind within a week or so of needing to move out so against my better judgement I decided to move in with my dad so that she could come with me and would have a place to stay, my friends wouldn’t let her come because as of that time I caught her talking to around 15 guys and they didn’t like me being with her. I tried and tried to do better but everytime things seemed to be going well there would be another guy I catch her talking to and I’d slip further into depression. She left me three weeks ago out of nowhere while I was about to get this nice job that would have changed everything. Now I’m stuck at my dads with no car because she had the only one after mine was totaled, I couldn’t take the job due to having no car, and the town I am in has very few job options and the one I’m at has no opportunity to move forwards. In other words I’m stuck. Luckily income taxes are coming in soon but that doesn’t help my depression. I have an almost 2 year old son and his dad is living with his dad with no car and barely any income. I feel depressed and I wonder why it still hurts me that she left even knowing all that she did to me. I just wanted a family to take care of and come home to but I feel like life has always been pushing me to suicide and I’m to stupid to go through with it. I love my son but I feel like he’d be better without me. Someone please say something that’ll motivate me to do right and stick around, I’m tired of doing nice things only to be screwed over and as much as I feel like suicide is the right choice, I don’t want it to be....",3.326550628340314,4.191649857431752,4.213772786364295,90.01644135490399,72.67037411526795,7.026554961721798,24.94758052867254,7.110495986334442,0.8412101863354038,3715,107,821,34,70,1198,339,989,0.116,0.696,0.188,0.9981,7,1,2,0,0,3,64.0,15,1,4,15,54,59,6,3,34,0,81,7,0,7,13,178,154,75,3,15,23,14,10,7,11,7,3,1,3,10,51,82,0,4,27,0,3,33,26,17,2,8,51,12,140,42,143,79,20,163,0,7,0,4,114,59,1,9,79,585,191,8,0.0,0.0,0.037766849678576665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861266857983421,0.0,0.07750744843214538,0.04008283647516174,0.04270780576594834,0.0,0.09660765259928153,0.0,0.0,0.02631818576416906,0.12174494512324295,0.0,0.0,0.038381253266654536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890465790827803,0.0,0.0,0.036361110281667386,0.0892766464078167,0.0,0.18873544427646136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218437626010987,0.1369124873612722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039458516634579534,0.039756857554391775,0.040940804340575385,0.16668855489399748,0.0,0.0,0.04340675696199078,0.06179961824358333,0.04282221107642889,0.0,0.02495911277096716,0.0,0.2000000451644118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711132646311208,0.0,0.0,0.10224727607287168,0.03500750780833401,0.03260748300311758,0.03698071502350585,0.034782199449969416,0.0,0.03648410615676282,0.0,0.15654817014328895,0.11059275924539708,0.037159281367961344,0.0,0.0,0.0329192742887281,0.0,0.08486787396421673,0.3289054952197724,0.0,0.08087924971650988,0.037125777686615936,0.17595855574245567,0.032460782990352585,0.03095293521508027,0.0,0.0,0.191601673423018,0.0,0.041198213799537295,0.034668729683515316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778219218163517,0.0,0.038820522004033145,0.0,0.0,0.04465606103383639,0.04143050216728247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521509460415187,0.06879892102064945,0.0,0.0,0.04253840371752677,0.0,0.0,0.040979049186392835,0.12614710551126007,0.07914932641904755,0.05467169276570138,0.13235237457928944,0.03878883241976115,0.239217468077088,0.06849879927742455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698588011839835,0.036620070531530144,0.02583339337770429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781544856901212,0.0,0.092672935985411,0.28793322248206465,0.0568997622292252,0.028696495915934275,0.1193951986297683,0.0,0.0,0.0726370267117204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122092991748575,0.041215581711259185,0.1573498632442478,0.0588681084699818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758489963836553,0.08086916477160473,0.042482364682121715,0.0365852026124973,0.0,0.03706511165698189,0.0,0.04172650691296897,0.037031881691694565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979134374984765,0.0,0.0831013452099171,0.0,0.06610133378475416,0.0,0.03077679746020734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03523217605143104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402816887945595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558290860399411,0.059588245610218964,0.0,0.0,0.05478590587781131,0.04125039667968812,0.0618137567818588,0.0,0.04433216567389783,0.0,0.0,0.12699869979973605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581970662494289,0.24885287189419905,0.033826609433844364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713419781275004,0.04959641290935681,0.0,0.030724479617020062,0.11283508756122047,0.044481408296913175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882685088303032,0.042095860478767816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638651897161453,0.09130802984086947,0.0,0.06208763704007698,0.0,0.0695941660182785,0.0,0.034921869997473536,0.0,0.0,0.03730663619256451,0.041969868521299726,0.028174980181112013,0.0,0.03943989304064775,0.13746133317083548,0.0,0.0,0.04984468862620065
suicidewatch,Princess_Batman,2019/01/02,"""we assumed you were sleeping it off"" I'm struggling with alcohol addiction. I hate it, I feel like a piece of shit. I'm trying to get better. Staying with my folks for the holidays.

Woken up yesterday in the early AM thirsty as hell so went up and downstairs a couple times just to chug a bunch of water. Chose not to drink anything, went back to sleep.

I slept crazy late (side effect of new meds) and asked my parents why they didn't knock on my door since we had breakfast plans (and mum had offered to come give me a wake up call the night before, since she knows I sleep hard.)

""Well we heard you up and about this morning so we assumed you got drunk and were sleeping it off.""

Thanks Mum! I already know I'm a drunk piece of shit but now I feel an extra level of worthless. Even when I'm not drinking, I might as well be, right? This just gets to be my identity now.

I hate myself, and everything I'm doing or not doing in my life. I wish I was dead. Thought about knocking back all my depression pills with a nice big glass of vodka and just passing out. Never going to amount to anything from here on anyway.

JK, I'll probably just get completely wasted instead because that's apparently all I'm good for and I'm too cowardly to do anything else.",2.1037187088274045,4.191445450592886,3.212949604743084,90.80319252305664,78.68379446640316,5.955797101449275,23.98040184453228,6.996647511020387,0.8481200263504611,981,34,203,11,24,315,151,253,0.16399999999999998,0.74,0.096,-0.9678,2,0,4,0,0,0,32.0,4,3,1,3,20,15,5,1,10,0,13,18,8,1,3,39,42,15,1,1,9,3,3,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,6,17,7,0,8,6,0,5,5,8,2,0,13,4,27,7,36,26,7,33,1,2,0,0,17,15,3,4,13,130,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889616286325935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655654594167066,0.0,0.0,0.12035514419584956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692518268056843,0.0,0.10196037849341484,0.0,0.0,0.16772739719791066,0.0,0.06648457232633256,0.0,0.09280566866904466,0.0,0.0,0.09645849197265853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136682322092932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394921935352853,0.1143518217478248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067755054271548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393690389549138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136829448998241,0.0,0.0,0.09110921048192537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203592782794686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801994167510268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029235319679244,0.07791554288074228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094475332148662,0.10462439469129436,0.06198374327908542,0.09147794290637716,0.08722866731931372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770017179092047,0.21535679220298373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987775118538715,0.0,0.1230292574877333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703532584075692,0.05328329778686222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114582745327793,0.0,0.0,0.1156999649879331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841170957490116,0.10533496051200936,0.0,0.102349437849336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110297520816103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758973953898655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314029855339977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390583068699452,0.18043819765208705,0.0,0.4365721766303167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624801020515778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401766505488944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004117350756546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658485511791966,0.06359625829622835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404748643627862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612377025930336,0.2022073590464685,0.09841354815015538,0.0,0.12541853863906804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sodomyeggo,2019/01/02,Three of my friends killed themselves... ... Over the past two years. I think I want to go this year before somebody else does. I'm so tired.,0.43611111111111,2.899754740740743,0.15361111111111114,105.98375,94.1851851851852,2.7,17.86111111111111,3.1291,-1.2119555555555557,106,3,24,0,4,30,25,27,0.245,0.624,0.131,-0.7042,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699594899542343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776308077074679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26502471610376405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451093835890828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030256083546134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509941595178841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30285450764137184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328332926075127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646364016417565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099107180260109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712442297203105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086018990291923
suicidewatch,throwawayjaynnee,2019/01/02,"someone help me please things in my life have been going well in the last two or three months. before that my depression and overall mental health were really bad, especially because of this girl i live with (and no, moving out hasn't been an option yet). but things have been doing better and while i'm not at 100% (i'm more at like a 50%) i have been feeling a bit better. my fiancé and i recently rescued two female kittens who had been left on the property by one of the feral cats who lives (or lived? we haven't seen her in a while) under the back shed; we're fostering them currently. the film crew my fiancé and i are part of got distribution for our feature length movie. i finally got my nose pierced for my birthday. i adopted 4 rats, which i've wanted to get for years, but was never allowed to do while living with my mom. things have been going great. 

but every night i lie awake and want to kill myself. i'm currently laying beside my fiancé and one of the kittens is sleeping on his chest, and for some reason my only thought is of killing myself. i look at them and know it would be so unfair to them, but i just want to do it. i want to die, right now. what is wrong with me? why can't i just be happy? or if i can't have that, maybe i should just kill myself. it would end the thoughts and the urge to kill myself every day. god maybe i should just finally do it",3.1827948847383465,4.318019653710248,4.217657748611813,88.82663133097763,73.31095406360423,6.945246508497394,22.663469628133946,7.2636822038024595,0.6643321218239953,1074,26,230,11,21,349,157,283,0.162,0.7290000000000001,0.108,-0.9801,3,0,0,0,0,5,34.0,2,0,3,2,9,13,4,0,12,0,32,5,3,2,1,45,50,22,5,9,13,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,14,15,0,0,5,1,0,3,7,7,1,5,14,4,36,6,30,30,4,33,0,1,2,0,12,12,0,6,19,165,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621146537443442,0.0827548743643181,0.060418116138816376,0.0,0.08433751578433528,0.0,0.0,0.1753140666070265,0.10820528050164588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391942244443295,0.0,0.08536553023791862,0.0,0.10286322261096313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778433831496943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701326686182327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050114304503301184,0.0,0.0,0.2171459998492092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178223858613997,0.0,0.1126559401412018,0.0,0.15853878782176076,0.1092719825518466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550719714972663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535205055685663,0.0,0.0,0.06643308119781191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386135930775008,0.0,0.054469688531862605,0.08078999084196317,0.0,0.0,0.1076861211815722,0.0,0.07000615482029615,0.048421406069129806,0.0,0.3500729381670596,0.0,0.08322961511578335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991438405556064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988218118149833,0.0,0.0,0.11607946984367105,0.0791107253260461,0.10534099997008152,0.0,0.0,0.07644174102945704,0.0,0.0,0.09301045349846594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432251475410512,0.07537959238227482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732927865854533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087958630369926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349406434285823,0.10190425173032308,0.0978617275442188,0.0,0.0,0.08464161200559465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918416990470448,0.0,0.08397777754883906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197538006264418,0.0,0.0,0.15736865409014894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363720147555727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338366986648808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911412313030646,0.0,0.08943369828091782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081348332128402,0.10836406037052587,0.0,0.063825259698642
suicidewatch,autonomommy,2019/01/02,I just am tired of becoming Maleficent ,3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,5.682857142857145,66.7871428571429,86.14285714285714,14.228571428571426,35.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,7.193971428571429,32,2,5,2,1,11,7,7,0.3670000000000001,0.633,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6928721563086097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7210604517044723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuckyS7vens,2019/01/02,"Comfort of Suicide Is it just me or does the idea of committing suicide offer comfort?  It has been my motivational force in life for years, it goes: I'll try this and if it doesn't work then I'll just end it all...no big deal

Well tomorrow I feel like I might finally follow through.  Instead of driving 2 hours to a job I hate I'm just going to stay home and end it all.  I'm not a bad person, I have people that love me but I decided to take a chance on a career change and I absolutely loathe every minute of it.  I got 3 years living expenses saved up so maybe I could just quit but I would rather die than fail or quit.

Anyway, no body really cares I'm sure but I'm done.  See you on the other side.",-0.4878389682816327,1.6593325827814596,2.044573021958872,94.5591495294528,90.72185430463577,5.298152666434298,17.218891599860576,6.8360192770164,-0.06878278145695349,544,14,127,8,19,186,100,151,0.157,0.679,0.163,-0.6161,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,5,9,11,1,0,6,0,9,3,1,1,3,26,22,11,3,4,12,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,10,3,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,3,1,0,3,2,13,8,14,16,1,18,0,1,1,1,5,6,0,4,9,74,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691012377840516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883304172364458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549698232362798,0.0,0.16079137668976626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135625882708415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670097055642365,0.0,0.0,0.15774761805972493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133012527530181,0.15554445026967742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692462849333205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806299648742425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685363111764837,0.1085858124761097,0.0,0.16650394270147695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863827020312481,0.0,0.12156490684501182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006436064626014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246415592909004,0.0,0.14968522177238833,0.0,0.0,0.17158472969030908,0.0,0.0,0.15083235397407666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735911137247472,0.07425745836679477,0.0,0.13421505456785424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718212181211278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270018623529116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124349824401138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537473276486052,0.13271684852466867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233324338123137,0.0,0.0,0.0973723859391247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112095421306618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162007273133921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325174172404142,0.0,0.14325421972967714,0.0,0.11428190716171566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031951543840726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366624562449654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065473491535732,0.0,0.0,0.10797343803157257,0.0,0.0,0.1957605922494413
suicidewatch,Jeff___Lebowski,2019/01/02,"Another fucking year Why is it so impossible for me to kill myself. I seriously thought I would have this over with five years ago but here I am. And I’m really tired of people platitudes, I’ve been getting told since I was 14 that it would get better but the thing is it just doesn’t end up like a movie for some people, for some it just doesn’t improve or gets worse ",4.1312987012987,4.575560831168835,5.127688311688313,85.72867532467534,70.55844155844156,8.757402597402598,25.78961038961039,8.841846274778883,1.5435163636363636,292,8,65,5,5,96,59,77,0.149,0.721,0.129,-0.1753,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,12,17,5,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,6,2,8,11,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,5,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978238594484968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340097964523115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973728556045462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765950178337446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063140650279672,0.34978624923184803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469009448247179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902800183939616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094314513422793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296633505604214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460584238049635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826207290497126,0.0,0.0,0.17716947214532222,0.0,0.25649735085762243,0.0,0.2132453939640256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137328120449485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274259847059777,0.3170625135636554,0.0,0.0,0.2874241413761794
suicidewatch,han9112,2019/01/02,"Hi suiciders I'm new here Hi guys im new here and i want to seek help. Recently i just watched Nas Daily video on Mr X death. U know the guy that want to kill himself the the dice turn 6. I feel inspired on that.. To kill myself.

I have depression, enxiety, bipolar. It's been with me from a very young age when i was 9 years old. You see the video posted on Mr X story as per Nas said is 9 months ago and recently last month Mr X kill himself. I was confused. I mean he does get all the attention from the world but still kill himself regardless. Hence, this is just proof we are uncurable right??

I always strive myself to live another day. However, day to day basis i just kept making other people around me to look at me as per you all feel. Worthless, failure, annoyance. People say to me that I just think like that but their looks say it otherwise. 

I do believe that the world would be better without us suicidal thinkers alike. Hence, i just wanna ask do you know the easiest route to accidential kill? I have thought to kill myself while riding motorbike and intentionally crash to truck. Will insurance cover our death? Since I die from road accident. 

If you all wanna encourage me not to kill myself please do help other they need more assistance. For my case. I just to tired to fight it. Just need a break. A long break. My mind just cant stop thinking about my miserable life. 

Yeah hope people can help me to answer my question on the 4th paragraph. Tq",1.5635232843137246,4.1235764756944455,2.7913071895424864,90.13735294117649,84.59027777777777,6.3049019607843135,21.66503267973856,7.618777277803332,1.0293726307189544,1147,38,232,21,34,368,169,288,0.236,0.636,0.128,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,1,4,36.0,3,4,2,1,14,18,9,2,12,1,16,3,0,2,4,51,39,10,12,10,13,0,2,1,0,2,3,3,0,5,11,6,0,2,13,2,0,1,3,13,0,0,6,9,41,5,31,30,4,34,0,3,4,0,30,10,0,4,21,135,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584658830274088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119541240469487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972044494434482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616936243238287,0.0799900144924412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640039311971724,0.0,0.0756736713301854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655435000495766,0.0,0.07369543360866113,0.0,0.08880106257844042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487690734228468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652662005552153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470322523853595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944198257291532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720535693219696,0.0,0.0,0.08498353474128277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242290714718032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6626407985426801,0.0,0.09404656197171424,0.06974540414315364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043579791958165,0.041801843276321714,0.0,0.07555384738130484,0.07572071361692922,0.14370302762590045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711408089897161,0.0,0.0,0.09320337667334093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639441116116693,0.0,0.136591413179297,0.0,0.0,0.1268880139203244,0.0,0.16527488701820642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978415445027421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795618761538468,0.0,0.0,0.09392266736929678,0.0,0.0,0.08194586575425747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585033331576637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689666174382964,0.0,0.0,0.07307048032974818,0.08139016917277082,0.1360865353036136,0.0,0.0,0.06818276920392356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077873904770074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833085870467581,0.07153464203025148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871844427191784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965084988209677,0.0,0.0679276000937524,0.0,0.09834227795109167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930681597165314,0.0,0.0,0.10292195932292122,0.0,0.0,0.07059857678674503,0.1009347499728386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247984329498033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078162158886517,0.0,0.0,0.05509987667818075
suicidewatch,YourGothPrincess,2019/01/02,"I've never felt so alone I'm so bad at writing stuff like this but I desperately need help. I'm debating on going to a hospital but last time I did they just kept me in the ER for 8 hours then sent me home without doing anything.

I guess I'll get into what lead me here.

I was with my ex for 3 years, we were engaged as of August 2018, I couldn't of been more excited. Then I started noticing things weren't the healthiest. He was controlling and just straight up abusive at times. 3 weeks ago I decided to leave, but I've been so lonely since. I lived with him for the majority of the relationship so I always had someone to talk to. He cut me off from a lot of my friends so I really have nobody anymore. My self-esteem is terrible because of him and today what triggered these suicidal thoughts is I tried to go to the gym and saw how fat I've become in the mirror and broke down and cried...I just feel so worthless. I feel like this is a lot of rambling but I'm really just venting because I have nobody to talk to. I cut myself the other day for the first time in years. I tried telling people and hoping they would see it as a cry for help, but it seems like nobody cares...I have methods of how I want to die in my head...but I feel I'm too much of a coward to actually follow through. I have been off my meds for over a month at this point, and I know that isn't helping the situation...",1.8091864406779687,3.3376237491525416,3.692000000000004,89.60986440677969,77.61016949152544,6.753898305084746,23.664406779661018,7.554174236665415,0.9270786440677968,1086,35,243,15,25,367,157,295,0.187,0.706,0.107,-0.9823,0,3,1,0,0,2,31.0,1,0,2,3,14,14,2,0,15,0,20,1,1,5,1,45,44,24,2,5,10,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,12,11,1,2,8,1,0,5,5,7,1,1,14,6,34,7,45,28,5,39,0,3,2,0,18,16,0,5,21,160,46,1,0.0,0.1423500541168523,0.1172424389885011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064997038179308,0.0,0.0,0.12443212896814553,0.0,0.0,0.099968772544268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914977772081793,0.0,0.0,0.09886762234662058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031455930798973,0.14647636749473655,0.13268873275819118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475082243070205,0.0,0.0,0.13197167119928024,0.07748242919814326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468968051104397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822440458000139,0.08583033095657927,0.11535631951613565,0.0,0.0,0.10219375034426736,0.0,0.0,0.092822343559533,0.0,0.06276986683444909,0.0,0.13656030627199714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235128737501167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330159151134923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24158837706013764,0.0,0.12051343231684533,0.1193293130499369,0.1183168577097462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602756445091344,0.09793274885693606,0.0,0.12721430871073694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608770655057715,0.0,0.10608865274594476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428291614998492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345201842767976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589716144913306,0.0,0.08831908086583581,0.08908466552655532,0.09266184769186007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678383726618945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329217216714155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357416415938988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393362946058167,0.0,0.0,0.12898884178262315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957385808405806,0.10937386322389464,0.1253355669710444,0.0,0.0,0.09938370220555252,0.13504599826655178,0.0,0.0,0.10179694925751097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503798015952402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375352277963002,0.13141716822743715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313311739315614,0.10501045828519363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981780810379333,0.0,0.0,0.0953802860871206,0.2101694101850829,0.0,0.11388171208708885,0.0,0.0,0.16313870204450434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086357618445281,0.0,0.0963716335829386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158137640522892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534628704655614,0.0,0.0,0.15473657228214985
suicidewatch,Lohkrii,2019/01/02,"Just taking a random chance I have aspirations, goals, dates of those goals, ive had long term partners and one night flings, ive had time to know myself and what makes me happy but what happens if none of that works, what happens when you lose all motivation. The least i want out of this post is pitty. How does one continue even after knowing that it does get better eventually, how do i cope with that emptiness?",11.332083333333335,7.344058375000002,10.0025,70.84583333333336,59.0,12.666666666666668,37.91666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.394291666666668,330,9,64,4,3,103,62,80,0.101,0.774,0.125,0.2656,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,6,5,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,4,1,16,15,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,8,2,7,13,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,45,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891232812845356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134254030753092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601729908544884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341220790893412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177670018272083,0.2514544852839972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596343730735652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904219778419228,0.0,0.2642633494687082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767486101551836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167109298996776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201298084112088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262279772382982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760373556478298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773844178166827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393252979221975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719668035561268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canadianwhitegirl,2019/01/02,"Too much of a wimp I’d love to end it all, but I’m too afraid it’ll hurt. I don’t want help or sympathy, I just wish I had never been born. 
I’m thinking of trying to OD on sleeping pills or stop eating and drinking. I’ve tried OD’ing on Tylenol but ended up throwing it all up. If the sleeping pills don’t work, I heard falling asleep in a garage while the car is running works wonders. 
Anyway. I just wanted at least one person to know my plans. I know it’ll hurt my family and my husband, but I’m just so done. ",1.5295436507936486,2.71611723214286,3.1704761904761902,94.49674603174608,77.57142857142857,5.692063492063492,22.265873015873016,5.82211442006289,0.08062182539682539,398,11,94,2,9,132,73,112,0.136,0.7390000000000001,0.125,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,4,0,8,9,3,0,3,22,20,10,1,4,9,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,2,2,1,4,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,4,1,9,1,11,14,4,16,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,4,6,56,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853327117719884,0.0,0.18047719456901995,0.0,0.18851530076498174,0.0,0.0,0.3263496882259567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367750683479175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348680728791535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944482724838944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024981472931721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627654749125126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543169731228955,0.0,0.14209105423170107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484035208662478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086425166120116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36873004395399017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402617782841385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804840860064883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25016283116412863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173295805661317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118576755027103,0.0,0.1997917146618155,0.26824613939832825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dinodig24,2019/01/02,"I hope I hope 2019 is the year I don't want to jump off a cliff. If it is, I hope I actually go through with it.",-0.4682142857142857,-0.4846228214285695,2.934285714285714,98.96071428571429,80.78571428571428,7.028571428571429,21.142857142857142,7.1686216300943375,-0.06991428571428583,83,2,27,1,2,31,20,28,0.045,0.631,0.32299999999999995,0.8165,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2953567707388388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720111395650843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9018420512482704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851929050109955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490593465449446
suicidewatch,jltime,2019/01/02,"Remind me that it’s not the end of the world I’ve been struggling financially for basically the past year, but the last few months especially. I’ve never been in a bind like this. I just transferred a little over $100 from my savings to checking so I can pay this months rent and even then I’m not sure it’ll cover it with utilities. This has depleted my savings. I’ve never been broke. My parents are very rich but my dad doesn’t want to help because I’m an adult. I agree but I don’t know what I’m going to do. On top of my depression and stress applying to grad schools which is also very expensive. Oh and today my roommate said he might want to move out. 

So I don’t know what I’m going to do and one of my first thoughts is I should just end everything. I should kick out my window screen or climb to the roof and see if the fall will kill me. 

I can’t afford a psychiatric stay. So if i try it I need it to succeed. But I’m terrified because I don’t know what’s on the other side. Someone who has had financial trouble please reassure me that I can get past this. I’ve never experienced bein broke or living paycheck to paycheck and I’m very scared ",2.2938934426229523,3.7752548647541033,3.8696393442622967,89.04872131147543,76.172131147541,7.1750819672131145,24.49508196721311,7.908726449838941,1.1626268852459014,913,30,202,14,20,304,132,244,0.134,0.725,0.141,-0.2879,3,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,15,1,3,11,0,23,0,0,0,4,37,41,19,1,7,12,2,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,17,9,0,0,4,0,5,5,10,8,0,2,6,4,23,7,21,30,1,30,0,3,2,0,8,10,0,5,15,124,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036589522908652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682582362072287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886710864772446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24447034888606786,0.0,0.0,0.09115376496962843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403375642123185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739054209510065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210410294279411,0.0,0.1568676002978492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250464746759998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526867152274578,0.0,0.2275387161543795,0.112495905458508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742431658367652,0.13832145949070696,0.1218646386303597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640593566996032,0.0,0.0,0.2203152292575905,0.14668192247626474,0.0,0.1023320618266133,0.3193235739593725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351859533123118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324286744266508,0.0,0.26349076592674153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149264153808015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312783385371031,0.0,0.13817126988909867,0.13967266298376266,0.10997545218206016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693473443052875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470994282982908,0.0,0.0,0.1580890549124481,0.14427716496721674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007202340930624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956387696149328,0.0,0.0,0.13081657020694176,0.0,0.0,0.09369917732337024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416160928713965,0.16280278578810414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887339020706685
suicidewatch,The-Nights-King,2019/01/02,"I cant even sleep I'm having a real rough night. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I cant control my own thoughts. Nothing feels right. Every time I try and fall asleep all I do is feel like shit. I can't explain it. I'll have suicidal thoughts, then get pissed at myself for having them when I think about the consequences. Then that just makes me more depressed. It's a cycle that only goes down. I just want to feel better, I cant stand this anymore. I cant even bring myself to seek professional help even though I know I need it. I'm entitled and a piece of shit I just want to feel good now but I don't want to work for it. I guess that makes it worse too.",0.54215763546798,2.3072032206896544,2.121009852216748,98.30318965517245,82.3103448275862,5.246305418719213,17.943349753694587,6.18269132825596,-0.4896305418719211,517,11,127,4,14,168,85,145,0.136,0.754,0.11,-0.815,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,11,8,3,0,4,0,12,5,5,3,1,26,33,7,1,4,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,2,6,21,4,12,31,4,12,0,1,0,0,4,3,3,1,8,79,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886318995184838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275510749507122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683548023284696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928466451595538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29742754049120884,0.0,0.1264693964634537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794863703828905,0.2144691682221556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842333228454032,0.0,0.0,0.1259004147338981,0.0,0.0,0.1653568744294489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061178781977832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249343017613453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666681555402772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039165051585706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130048028414777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408627726379976,0.0,0.14402918086354266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171459843642014,0.11416112903335585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085162264671278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818830248854055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081599350532116,0.0,0.0,0.1502127626418394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418980589803406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064819796750133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618081234296584,0.14747677066371764,0.23833218856215935,0.0875270588803444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019110066988648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656063201460011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927776113643374,0.0,0.15296916566534732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dexer2008,2019/01/02,"Family is sick of me I know that I’ve always been a burden on my family - especially in recent years. I’ve taken out my depression/anxiety/anger/mood swings/etc. out on them, I feel like. And I can tell that lately, within the last year or so, that they have become very sick of me. They don’t say it, but I get a very strong vibe of it. They are the only people keeping me alive. I have no friends. Haven’t had a girlfriend in almost 10 years. I’ve given up in all aspects of life years ago. Like I said, the only thing that has kept me going is my family, just being able to spend time with them, etc. I should have known that I would eventually push them away, like I have everyone else previously in my life. And once people get to that point, you can’t fix it. I don’t like all of my family, in fact, I hate some of them. I don’t particularly care for my sister or brother, mainly because I don’t have as strong of a relationship with them and they only see me as someone with a car who can give them rides and what they want. I haven’t ever really been close with my father, my parents got divorced when I was 11 and I stopped talking to him altogether by the age of 17. I don’t hate him or even resent him, I just don’t have a relationship with him. All 4 of my grandparents are dead except for one, who is like 90 years old and senile, and I don’t think he even knows who I am anymore anyways. My step grandmother is a main source of my pain because she has been abusive my entire life and she also was abusive to my mother growing up. I hate her with every fiber of my being and hope she pains for it in the next life if there is one. Basically, my mother is really the only person that I am very close with, and I can tell that she is getting sick of me. I’m a lot to handle. I want to spend time with her pretty much all the time and I’m always around and I guess I’m kind of smothering. I’m also 28 years old. I haven’t been a ‘bad’ son really, I have no criminal history, I’m not a drug addict, I’m just very depressed and I want to spend time a lot. Giving her space is extremely hard for me, to the point that it almost makes me physically ill. I hate being alone all the time so when I go over her house it really helps. I usually go daily from about 4 PM to 9 PM. It’s only 5 hours a day but still. It helps. I honestly don’t think it should be a problem because she doesn’t do anything anyways, if I wasn’t around, she would do the same thing, just hang out at home. She works 8 AM to 3 PM daily and I never interfere with that. She is single and not looking and my sister who is 22 lives with her. All I usually do when I go there is hang out and watch TV/movies, eat dinner. Normal stuff. She is also kind of cold hearted from time to time so maybe that’s why she has come to make me feel like I’m a nuisance. Like I said she has never said any of this. I can just sense it. Maybe it’s just my depression and anxiety altering my mind state. Either way I can’t lose my family. If I do, I’m looking directly for a way out of this life. I’ve attempted a few times in the past but never succeeded. 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suicidewatch,Bustgrrl,2019/01/02,I think I have to break up with my boyfriend first If I don't maybe he will do it too,-1.3771428571428572,-0.13910847619047395,0.3049999999999997,111.5775,86.14285714285714,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.7717809523809525,66,1,21,0,2,21,18,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809988316703164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6862118134434242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376684872005458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zweihander_,2019/01/02,"I guess it’s the finale I’m gonna cut the backstory since it’ll take too long. I give up on everything. I might stream my final goodbye though. I love you all. Just needing a good area to cease my existence.


2019 is going to be my last year.

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suicidewatch,astroworld_,2019/01/02,"Rope is going for a $1.82 a foot at home depot But I'm a broke highschool student that can't get a job, employers never call back. 
I just want to die and get away from this pain that's my life living with depression. I want to hang myself but I have no money so my plan b is to swallow a bunch of tylenol pills that are down stairs but that's a stupid idea. 
I'm just so desperate to die at this point. ",0.13174781523095902,1.9518667191011256,2.055430711610488,97.93935081148564,84.05617977528091,5.303870162297129,17.754057428214733,6.42735559955562,-0.3783193508114855,314,7,77,3,9,104,61,89,0.284,0.691,0.025,-0.9766,2,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,6,0,5,6,1,0,1,11,12,6,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,12,12,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,47,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434776498267966,0.1836120691547467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24382770123902506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205666451425225,0.0,0.4956453481305188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495121679015868,0.0,0.13570786344464025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23952231600190824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695608787228571,0.0,0.0,0.23695874306806375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866195758038868,0.0,0.0,0.21085284286338432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416685955651807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540856579528539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257304129046491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28168491364933546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wav404,2019/01/02,"does seeing a stable family make anyone else sad? i had my first sleepover recently and my friend’s relationship with their parents blew my mind.  a loving and caring family that are open and communicate with each other and they laugh and have fun and their parents were so cool, they were chill people who i could talk to without feeling that fear of an authoritative figure and it just made me feel like shit because i wish my family was like that!!! my family is terrible and it sucks to see stable families because i just want that so much :( they even sat down together and had dinner and it was just such a pleasant time and they were all such amazing people, i just want that so fucking bad ",5.009090909090908,6.724380515151516,5.5595151515151535,78.71427272727273,69.6060606060606,8.613333333333333,26.078787878787878,9.120678840339163,2.1376460606060603,556,17,100,11,10,179,81,132,0.127,0.617,0.256,0.9605,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,2,10,17,3,1,4,1,11,4,1,2,1,31,25,14,0,4,5,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,15,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,9,5,17,10,7,15,3,5,0,1,2,2,13,2,3,0,5,74,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313368986445192,0.13647496867181122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121303633881632,0.1623900029402063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580212570818526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634611031067198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656065424347915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126810657229563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797465428793609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6278263342405391,0.1498824497483099,0.13469572664165005,0.09515519762530043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329638837113172,0.0,0.0,0.10290684361824476,0.1231374892079082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301456049352577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021452539724367,0.12603320768037432,0.08890931626845687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448991745735328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791433284959612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957966308874325,0.0,0.0,0.18468257118137946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151491009026595,0.14300257956005544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227981946987765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672370608447626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705784160865686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776676167894989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571248187235437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316874385824988,0.12839612154939198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,What_I_do_45,2019/01/02,"If someone had told 15 year old me all he had to do was love himself.... He'd probably snap and kill everyone in his high school. So many years later...and I'll just kill...myself. There is nothing in life for me. I will die cold and alone. I will never have anything to offer the world. I am not interested in living a lifestyle of simply trying to survive day to day, and I m too stupid and lack the appropriate resources to actually have some sort of career. I wish I had something to break in this house. I already destroyed my guitar a long time ago and just recently I destroyed my cell phone. I don't give a single fuck if no one can reach me. I don't want another fucking phone. I don't want to look another person in the fact again. I don't want to spare a thought to planning or the future. I don't want to talk to anyone ever again. I'm through with all these goddamn responsibilities. I CANNOT HANDLE LIFE. I. WILL. NOT. SUCCEED. ",1.4906842105263145,3.768591700000005,3.330789473684213,88.10302631578945,82.0,5.6947368421052635,23.184210526315788,6.961326702584282,0.8232421052631582,733,26,150,9,20,245,117,190,0.201,0.7440000000000001,0.055,-0.9743,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,6,0,8,0,20,5,0,0,5,27,33,9,2,8,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,6,2,23,3,21,23,5,22,0,0,1,3,13,7,2,5,14,99,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.13571646227939865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328098221660955,0.0,0.0,0.14403903981481386,0.153471956480344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29166307477142944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097243989349165,0.0,0.11444630506343333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938284584163827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433717404469118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258006731670973,0.0,0.13289146058692314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25714391229305805,0.0,0.13341274821386806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469396414417256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047307822667162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30773023105561936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964645924173048,0.0,0.0,0.12280516136379045,0.12307638560586777,0.11678739142826668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255199922214881,0.0,0.0,0.1409995190936522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726267949991312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344554877269094,0.0,0.14593509076422875,0.0,0.09424034994270894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143432084607045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994562558701727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731910047467846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075062387751705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783720931820467,0.10706619636641622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178266021982752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040946529789047,0.08109534703119117,0.0,0.0,0.13289146058692314,0.0,0.0944223256243609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281185191025865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992858994478418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911858842712666
suicidewatch,spacebound9700,2019/01/02,What got you guys through 2018? And what do you have to look forward to in 2019? Why are you guys still here? What has kept you going through the year even in the darkest hours? Maybe hearing what kept other people going will help me too. I could really use some positivity. It's been rough lately and sometimes I get really scared for my own safety.,2.613466386554624,5.105192573529415,3.1221008403361346,89.98088235294121,79.14705882352942,5.650420168067227,20.00840336134453,6.868970318607317,0.2931991596638661,277,7,55,3,7,86,52,68,0.084,0.785,0.131,0.5619,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,16,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,3,8,0,7,10,2,9,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,5,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038265852584584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922127360362542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803644179431977,0.0,0.256796667821552,0.0,0.1806927907310876,0.0,0.0,0.44740236541682427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546337955058804,0.0,0.15143270619670945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224905291766316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25485314129188724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897200254066908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269719404399292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662788735651068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894665674842643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619024979551106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234455148174287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042392653355013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512658555218584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386209267538016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548823606561054
suicidewatch,eklol200225,2019/01/02,I don’t know what to do My life’s been shit for so long now and I’m so sick of it. I want to cut so badly to feel some sort of physical pain instead of emotional. But. I promised my girlfriend I wouldn’t and she’d kill me if I did. Though I guess I wouldn’t mind that much. I wanna die I wanna just be physically hurt. I don’t know what to do anymore ,-2.296851851851848,-0.512010654320985,0.7363271604938255,101.80597222222224,99.98765432098764,4.181481481481482,15.391975308641975,5.985473137389443,-0.8155358024691362,271,7,72,3,12,94,52,81,0.336,0.603,0.061,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,0,17,16,8,2,6,3,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,1,14,1,10,10,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262148705043674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126870366856412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26436719491286315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865344406352313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879800739525704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28061134203755544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726913317298646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818185215018542,0.0,0.2799834265237404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799217476052982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542604868072724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572024193364937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725421037320972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710482925500867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26147438150320823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502687274303031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502450305478043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icefarm45,2019/01/02,"I want to kill myself Im in too much pain to go on. Nothings worth it. Ill never be a decent funcioning human being. All I can do is play video games and make my friends happy, which is great and all except the fact that its completley useless. Im not good at anything, nor do I have motivation or energy to improve even a little. Getting a knife, jumping off a bridge, getting runover, or hanging myself sounds like a good idea right now.",4.443448275862072,5.407759954022993,5.25580459770115,83.20715517241379,70.14942528735632,7.179310344827586,29.44252873563219,7.1686216300943375,1.6739977011494251,344,13,66,3,6,112,68,87,0.194,0.578,0.228,0.3720000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,0,6,0,8,2,0,2,4,14,13,5,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,3,1,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,6,7,8,11,3,11,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,2,3,45,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785720117825846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427523295914793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698209019759627,0.0,0.2258388048286812,0.0,0.122832092494502,0.3625604569795092,0.0,0.2382849275598411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007521454949226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439853222042081,0.4669166212848173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23911666516081634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055905728813306,0.21661980260904126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442689615825893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588809780249637,0.0,0.16669336730584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073832947359251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997836858527285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845744894006269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274795228862897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DreamyBluebird,2019/01/02,"I'm scared Please someone just tell me some encouraging things. Depression is horrible, absolutely horrible. I don't need to feel this way. I wish I felt optimistic all the time and were always cheerful. I wish I were stronger than I feel now. I don't want to hurt myself. This horrible feeling just keeps returning to my heart. I want to see brighter days. But what if that's truly not meant for me? I feel like I'm in a black hole, mostly from depression... and it hasn't felt this bad in years. It's like depression has a mind of its own, like a parasite. I want it gone. Because I know I'm able to be strong, I've been strong, but the weight of it is just so much.",1.7166030320044925,3.709326510948905,3.076204379562043,91.7778775968557,79.51094890510949,7.4270634475014035,22.947220662549128,8.384062270229773,1.2336001122964628,520,17,118,11,13,169,82,137,0.141,0.642,0.217,0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,13,0,1,5,0,10,2,1,0,1,28,30,6,0,7,7,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,1,1,8,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,9,15,7,12,22,5,9,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,3,8,69,26,0,0.15412724239139028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282462125455964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868980949759531,0.09395453640444826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939932071381588,0.0,0.3982487040805315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117254590342319,0.11010853276048843,0.2959726461499365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264152432753628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164996400715432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369953747564848,0.0,0.0,0.0847043016426977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258963560941188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556245780773934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330125726547335,0.1142833972940188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918542860351327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430825734861045,0.0,0.12281945726459625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059151231641875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471400328327438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023952912742814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987283449687017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727247225847873,0.1223390309776713,0.0,0.18768545911186213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35447744467748865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925289083991792
suicidewatch,_wollflourwer_,2019/01/02,"After I rehome my dog I'm killing myself I have a dog, her name is Mango. I haven't been able to see her much lately, and slowly she's losing her attachment to me, and I'm hoping because of this she won't be affected to negatively.
I'm rehoming her this week, making sure she's safe and happy, and then I'm going to kill myself. 

All 2018 I've looked forward to this, ""just give your family one more holiday season"", and it came, and went, and now I get to kill myself guilt free. 

I feel so calm, and at peace, and happy. Such unbelievable joy knowing I'm so close to going through with it. 
God, I can't wait.

Happy New Year, everyone. ",1.166695804195804,3.156561159090913,3.5669696969697005,87.57430069930072,81.34848484848484,6.485780885780888,19.244755244755247,7.61054688173877,0.598177622377623,491,12,104,8,13,170,83,132,0.139,0.608,0.253,0.9278,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,1,0,1,5,14,3,1,1,0,7,0,0,2,2,23,25,12,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,2,2,1,1,5,4,5,0,1,3,3,19,10,12,20,3,15,0,1,2,0,10,3,0,1,9,64,24,0,0.1605947583511969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789707410423357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836776206219854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345517374174367,0.0,0.0,0.1513944456060302,0.0,0.08120153515494755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390413293428711,0.1540571257634082,0.18253940415728745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128683195367393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595068310644273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330229180678502,0.0,0.08825867927405291,0.0,0.181157882435458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485915019157535,0.17966445604671272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719824823815972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180556256578552,0.0,0.0,0.15510341834486652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882316448378462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797323013244802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513586591851055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881942822283604,0.0,0.0,0.14887294992159464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341775907219332
suicidewatch,Cringleeee,2019/01/02,"Beginning 2019 with feeling suicidal I get episodes of intense depression and emptiness, and nothing fixes these episodes. Not even family or the love of my life. All I can think about is dying/ killing myself/ or hurting myself. I'm currently having one and idk what to do. ",6.034183673469387,8.423232775510208,5.803826530612245,75.27063775510206,68.18367346938776,8.981632653061224,38.78061224489796,9.516144504307137,4.319730612244898,222,13,34,5,4,69,42,49,0.308,0.5820000000000001,0.11,-0.9274,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,10,10,5,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,1,5,10,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26781280032102245,0.0,0.3227073927931877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053734235991939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29312725291696345,0.0,0.1572209788630577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245370097268402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328684889547357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34400985471994816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962663747155656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806361542084485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298356022343609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107014899468153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401186974986573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923826841459236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shittwinss,2019/01/02,"I can't keep on going anymore My life is literally going nowhere. I don't have a job, I've just run out of all money to pay for rent, bills, food etc. I had an attempt a month ago and I really wish it had worked out. Things just get more stressful and the pain gets harder to bare. There's no one who can help me. I don't feel like I belong anywhere and feel that I simply don't deserve to be an existing human being. ",0.3952258852258837,2.207835604395605,2.7467399267399317,93.37881562881563,83.06593406593407,5.363125763125763,18.902319902319906,6.42735559955562,-0.10134529914529944,324,8,75,3,9,111,68,91,0.14400000000000002,0.79,0.065,-0.7105,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,5,0,11,3,0,0,1,12,19,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,5,1,1,2,0,4,3,5,2,0,1,2,2,9,1,8,15,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,48,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130498740950426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364038713589713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658510518297154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410590478828198,0.17029509333790313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28824390430821056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24908211845968345,0.0,0.27094792532732004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977768683202706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655033021963415,0.2118785851207733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837125840792838,0.11645794708577592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026859011043173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615290176965224,0.0,0.2536477258218591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152709080255635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273057670061597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583657074320112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27411939844318817,0.0,0.0,0.17353978370643608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodiesninja,2019/01/02,U/kaitlin8192 is asking some one to kill them on r/lifesucks. It will not let me cross post for some reason so sorry i sent the post itself. ,1.2688505747126442,3.441326,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,82.10344827586206,3.866666666666666,16.563218390804597,3.1291,-1.0704574712643682,110,2,24,0,3,34,27,29,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.7537,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020101273831969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574093113765009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303426845411525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189084800759552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.618789270435957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321513880290242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616304044795859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seesame,2019/01/02,"Finish your schools One years ago I failed university and after 6 years failing I don't want to study anymore. I called to my mom and told her that I failed and she told me: 

""Please don't kill yourself, stay away from bridges or metro. Please don't harm yourself""  I ask:

""What? Why should I kill myself?! It is not the end, human being lived and survived without diploma, not everybody should be educated or with a comfortable job, somebody need to do dirty works too and I am comfortable doing them. Why should I kill myself because I fail?!"" she calmed down and replied:

""I can see why you fail university, you have no shame, no dignity or honor even to kill yourself for your big failure in your life"" I can't blame her actions, because I know her mom and dad, she had a terrible childhood. but her words hurt.

...

One year later, I can understand what she mean. Life without proper job or without social life sucks!

*\*sorry for poor english*",3.3068109715796434,5.718670308988768,3.6744282881692034,87.36802709847989,76.24719101123596,6.4354263053536025,27.32452081956378,7.5105763829236425,1.5768059484467942,737,30,140,10,17,229,108,178,0.154,0.679,0.16699999999999998,-0.5095,2,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,5,1,8,2,18,5,1,3,0,17,3,0,0,0,27,27,12,4,5,10,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,11,14,0,2,3,1,31,4,15,19,0,15,0,6,1,0,23,4,1,4,9,90,35,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817791169239146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098395200726654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354127660648133,0.0,0.10405827227422712,0.0,0.0,0.13503083442847388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309356848501785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809634270279974,0.0,0.0,0.07315284661599894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856586450702132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981513750171608,0.0,0.4901374227628004,0.0,0.06086822929580814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346892812445784,0.0,0.0,0.09779897978554314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064501633143715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25943059258902673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212366900254077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501013471531019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315217201571745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120903003304763,0.08825765329254251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290110456545943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239815169907372,0.0,0.11805043839046447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166291584620506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530019776384133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653263593740897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998183577211405,0.0,0.0,0.3202925386344992,0.0,0.08063119460038289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139683912417957
suicidewatch,bellabelcr,2019/01/02,"how do i cut myself and make it bleed i’m very weak and i’d like a real punishment this time, but i can never make it bleed with my scissors ",-1.239374999999999,0.7127738125000036,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,92.125,4.45,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.8811500000000003,110,2,27,1,4,38,25,32,0.188,0.754,0.057,-0.4582,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,3,1,9,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998373351452274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011298912994648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34728317397480396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125164500894644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26256149522726663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37152759986440653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pallbearer776,2019/01/02,"My girlfriend is cheating on me with an older man on new years I guess my ex we separated some months ago and I foolishly looked her up on facebook and there she is with an older man celebrating New Years together, how do I shake this heavy feeling in my stomach and why am I shaking so much? I just want to end it all I am so tired and depressed from the loneliness.",3.032,4.567637466666668,4.389000000000003,85.85950000000003,74.33333333333334,7.666666666666668,28.5,8.344100000000001,1.9206,290,12,61,5,6,96,54,75,0.232,0.6890000000000001,0.079,-0.9208,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,3,0,5,2,1,1,1,14,9,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,13,0,9,9,3,16,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,2,9,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092832905081374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340951396144509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407281589715573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742684051378806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29941092202001923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282378884812672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694278988939106,0.0,0.1997993216270988,0.0,0.0,0.5249992551335304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123863740216644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031070874969658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24525114559656944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500519012402372
suicidewatch,CervixSuffocator666,2019/01/03,"Tried to open up to my friends tonight ""STFU pussy and be a man""

Anyone wanna chat?

I've only got half a fifth left haha",-0.2493589743589765,1.8170538076923108,1.405384615384616,100.42294871794874,87.84615384615385,3.466666666666667,16.358974358974358,3.1291,-1.1951641025641029,93,2,22,0,3,30,24,26,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35202441684408875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889647416171514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026554948314099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5470006300236081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828969236853063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34180996005449993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sacroscant,2019/01/03,"Is it suicide for an ""it"" to kill itself? If society doesn't see me as human and I'm not even sure I see myself as one either anymore.. Would it be suicide if I a ""thing"" were to kill itself. Most of society would cheer my death anyways. The pain my family will face will be dwarfed by the sheer joy my celebratory death will generate for most everyone else.",2.8212499999999987,4.518011958333336,4.659444444444446,83.03000000000002,75.25,8.133333333333335,25.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,1.9565388888888888,279,10,57,6,6,95,50,72,0.329,0.596,0.07400000000000001,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,4,0,10,2,1,0,1,10,13,5,6,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,7,3,8,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599751281413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194263629587795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385380520486846,0.0,0.0,0.20811572805271514,0.0,0.0,0.2053209709531305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819233741364455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758584903535535,0.0,0.2317528794834741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34711429156626955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764722523396397,0.0,0.20527243745071716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469559539667312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30943550349160537,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodyfrom2000,2019/01/03,"I wish somebody would take me out I wish that I would get hit by a car crossing the street, or railed at an intersection by a semi. Or be shot, hit by an asteroid, suffer a brain aneurysm. It’s the only comforting thought I have. ",2.2828723404255307,3.949501489361701,3.80526595744681,88.70875000000002,76.65957446808511,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.5430042553191492,178,7,39,3,4,59,34,47,0.075,0.7509999999999999,0.174,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,4,1,1,0,0,8,11,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428585699793832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046270935881893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335861475726296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092348061710036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438268535016076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7063685122643305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363525731008848,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway982358,2019/01/03,"I don't know how I can go on... Hello reddit, throwaway here... I had an account until a few days ago, but I needed to make this post...

Today I was talking with my two college friends about anime, games and stuff like that, when one of them told me that many people didn't tell me the truth about how I made them feel uncomfortable, and also that many people pity me and treat me as if I were disabled (because I made the goddamn mistake about telling them I had mild Asperger's).

I already knew that... But having somebody else tell me the same thing made me feel a bit better, because I knew that I wasn't paranoid.

They tell me the harsh truth without sugarcoating it, if I do something they don't like they'll tell me that, instead of just treating me like a fool...

When I was getting back home, I felt them arise again... I started to have suicidal thoughts again...

I was thinking about dying, to finally get some peace, because as far as things are, I don't think I have much of a future to begin with...

Because suddenly... Everything started to make sense.

Why many people never text or want to know me, why I'm easily forgotten and replaced, why I get awkward salutes, smiles or frowns... Or that I don't talk to some people except when we're together for a meeting, and then we don't talk until we meet again... And that I'm mostly spoken to when people ask me for my help in stuff, homework and things like that...

I fucked up, I really fucked up... Aside from my family and my closest friends I'll pretty much have no one until I die...

I promised them that I wouldn't think about suicide again, I promised them... But I'm not really sure if I'd be able to hold on...

The only way I could truly start again it would be if I could go to another city or country where nobody knew my secret, but I don't have money or resources to do so...

I don't know what to do... Many people just tell me to be positive and to keep things going but... At this rate, I'm worried that I might eventually lose the remaining hope I have...

I'll probably never find a girlfriend, or get married, or have children...

I'll probably be pitied and get looked down for the rest of my days until I die...

I used to have a good life, but when I revealed that everything started to turn darker, and I realized how much of a fuck up I am...

Just in case, I don't plan to do any kind of self harm anytime soon, promise... But I would like to know how to hold on, even if it's not for me and just for those I love...

I've had to be strong for a long time... And if a life of pity, indifference and betrayal is what awaits me then... Maybe most of my life was in vain...",4.441223971559168,4.520757418994414,5.237183003216527,86.49807008633827,69.78212290502793,8.222312510580668,28.190790587438634,7.898369717300924,1.5288353817504658,2022,64,442,23,33,659,231,537,0.129,0.711,0.16,0.9615,0,0,1,0,0,1,118.0,2,0,9,4,31,33,3,1,18,0,46,7,0,10,5,97,95,54,5,15,28,0,3,5,3,5,3,0,2,2,26,18,0,3,18,1,2,3,17,12,0,3,19,4,73,21,62,64,11,53,0,4,1,4,34,14,3,19,39,304,99,2,0.06619499989304048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867787342743275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304782842491664,0.052936117498869714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045014869850535294,0.06941122903621713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188338923184448,0.0,0.0,0.05089986894425296,0.0,0.16140743014008632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058544098125786134,0.07226779552853835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570264215685772,0.0,0.0,0.0853805975106045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060998771388758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529742845377115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372117312944071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898359525126392,0.0,0.062402754695034535,0.0,0.06694036176625205,0.0,0.06355758065951221,0.07251338679679302,0.060501030678703174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228418542713236,0.18358863224729455,0.17292077673123493,0.0,0.1128604317107582,0.055521225309784435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436911309759258,0.0,0.0663989821031103,0.06574657089466766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058837157381459275,0.0,0.06893190602757471,0.14551616316965013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026645812952002,0.1616976665457177,0.0,0.0,0.05858049187017283,0.05558712827341993,0.0740552728550912,0.0,0.0,0.05974357182881456,0.1879059282808013,0.08837135288240522,0.2684453607019209,0.0665017746052675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022243417742381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598282424707126,0.04908275366689143,0.10210732941962576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897108901351731,0.05034428027959265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753476691883495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339651190950081,0.0673441124232534,0.14273881146944345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481242390265305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905582148148882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050960144912755294,0.0,0.0,0.18741264651235484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155487572512258,0.14481317199950536,0.0,0.06238800401354527,0.0,0.0,0.15961510047598526,0.34714408541544906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590806634265804,0.12724524928353814,0.0,0.052551435861834736,0.03859883676371991,0.0,0.06274511992042242,0.0632521591222004,0.0,0.0,0.07200115151090293,0.06466289638582425,0.0,0.0,0.05717122648172111,0.0,0.0,0.03904352599022419,0.05254250979146827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919207428961054,0.0,0.0,0.06380961772281125,0.0,0.0,0.06722423557314187,0.0,0.09404605739337284,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KuaisuBao,2019/01/03,"Can you just leave a comment? hey, i‘m feeling so lonely right now and so freaking sad.
This Feeling gets worse and worse since a few weeks.
I d really appreciate a story or a random fact, copy paste or whatever.
Just want to feel like somebody talks to me, or adresses something to me directly.
Thanks",2.9863157894736863,5.635702280701758,3.8483333333333327,84.3925,78.82456140350877,6.60701754385965,27.043859649122812,7.793537801064563,1.879891228070175,238,10,43,4,6,76,44,57,0.254,0.563,0.183,-0.7871,0,2,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,8,7,0,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,2,3,8,1,4,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,4,4,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995802534586199,0.18818779646552689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376264403545801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278924480056706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286940452211678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514648591465721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875404188283172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495983341518644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179043202351231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027941198528408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117275756813912,0.0,0.2425223833977562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537235034740274,0.0,0.21130019147812898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368963837993386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tswanzey1231,2019/01/03,"Bye My life has always been bad and these past few months I’ve attempted suicide, tried to move on. It wouldn’t work I would still have thoughts all the time. Now I know it’s time to go. I’m not even scared about anything I’m ready to go. At midnight I drop dead.",1.292105263157893,2.8538083859649133,1.8981052631578983,101.7587368421053,79.17543859649123,5.261754385964913,20.171929824561406,5.6839178017228535,-0.474884912280702,206,5,52,1,5,63,45,57,0.231,0.69,0.079,-0.8884,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,11,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,7,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256595364250212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317390979571156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644008097725926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912457475053828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30825761508426897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904403851381148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915560803902264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646868763447247,0.28824192830550344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588904112356029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715178025819677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658010506592631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29664800823037496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530194474454056,0.31627697640670416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841265174084272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974363146828344,0.0,0.0,0.19265219608447556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnleashedWolf,2019/01/03,"Change is good right? So at the end of the school year I plan on moving to maryland and live with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I think It will be good to get out my old (current) environment and get a refresh on life. Only thing is that I'm scared I wont be able to stay clear from sh for long. I'm scared that I'll take my own life while I'm in maryland. I dont think it's fair for the people taking me in and caring for me and all the sudden I'm dead in their bathroom. If I die it's going to be with my biological family, I would mind that. But not with my other family, they dont deserve it.",2.213700918964076,2.4891665939849648,4.280100250626568,90.69720969089391,74.78947368421052,7.114118629908105,21.54469507101086,6.937597516519254,0.25261136173767795,459,9,114,4,9,159,79,133,0.119,0.795,0.086,-0.6555,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,1,5,0,2,5,0,10,2,0,0,2,18,22,9,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,15,3,19,16,2,18,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,7,70,24,2,0.16152322816133433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646836960693295,0.0,0.17087015817894669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763560960251925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786080408857035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430616375168406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045394486226615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877844017781146,0.0,0.09179737286834,0.27095604072814644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817726571941802,0.0,0.0,0.14262796970917932,0.14294297408321216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309241534649285,0.0,0.0,0.17167362929033395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169491456823768,0.0,0.0,0.1228456935321146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197986873597016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793995430185485,0.0,0.0,0.32342585868894785,0.16347013021286394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721622698706253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428907315271081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730885558272947,0.20699512516736865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474146695799603,0.0,0.0,0.10401566318884337
suicidewatch,i_knowww,2019/01/03,"Dead end. Dont know what to do anymore. All of my avenues have hit a dead end. Family life - dead end. I have a girlfriend - dead end. Career - puttering out. 

I have T1 diabetes and my management of that, strangely enough, is the only thing keeping me going. I dont want to live in physical agony so that is my motivation for going to work and maintaining my existing friendly relationships.

But I am in constant emotional agony. Have been for a long time and there's no end in sight. I've tried - dead end.

I could change these scenarios but cant see the strength in which to do so anymore. ",1.8330769230769235,4.373950956521739,3.3539130434782614,86.77267558528429,82.91304347826087,7.3645484949832785,25.36789297658863,8.384062270229773,1.981816053511705,460,19,92,11,13,151,70,115,0.21,0.746,0.043,-0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,5,0,14,2,0,1,1,12,21,7,5,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,10,2,13,18,2,16,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,9,59,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715686061527709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144839423198341,0.0,0.0,0.14795801499272704,0.0,0.1093166243855052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209300608401722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401254969759925,0.7276038817046901,0.14147126711041205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907262025664207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578129033257826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556255191553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169760948520532,0.0,0.0,0.07524568651572018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670812008953576,0.0,0.0,0.120899711715567,0.1211667276317815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413111091614802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469970009270396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910466410957552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096118896547993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983706848037854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295726515664647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075685485752343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967678807943033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jasminegb,2019/01/03,"I'm so sad right now I had a good 6 days of consistent happiness which I havent had in about 4 months. After this fight with my boyfriend I am so anxious and sad I literally cant stand it. That kind of sadness and anxiety that just radiates through your bones and muscle and skin. I just want to end it to make it stop. I wish I had a razor or something right now. Maybe not to die, but cutting would feel good. Or dying. Idk. Every time it seems like its getting better I end up back in this hole.",0.3047142857142866,2.489243400000003,2.0948809523809544,95.62803571428572,86.42857142857143,5.404761904761906,20.17857142857143,6.816661863887847,0.2200000000000002,387,12,89,5,12,127,73,105,0.151,0.664,0.185,0.7701,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,8,11,2,0,2,0,7,2,2,1,0,18,14,9,2,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,10,6,12,10,0,16,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,3,11,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465454818726652,0.2164121233321864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730043532855822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942226608266747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354254974309188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976251446013009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393366387929892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614004322940353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968602143162632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008397356684848,0.0,0.0,0.3213485939251957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392280864952572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948380961470946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358820432281503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787006155564648,0.0,0.1924511900061304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290408368914093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271882054512336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439213093561515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747486949871233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015558572936944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170216301929904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298906056950178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202884638817546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608114797064244,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopeingidie,2019/01/03,i want to die im  55 years  ol  and  sick of life and  want  to  end  it,0.129999999999999,-1.7649391111111117,3.2300000000000004,103.965,79.0,7.2,18.0,3.1291,-1.1354000000000002,48,0,18,0,1,18,14,18,0.33,0.55,0.119,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.449390504119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835136314785499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677193676407506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305844017011894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107947681746735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788408228272041
suicidewatch,Aids_m,2019/01/03,Suicide This is going to be my final cry for help I've lost everyone and everything and I cant keep going,-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,91.17391304347824,6.544927536231885,20.71014492753623,7.793537801064563,1.3642579710144926,85,3,17,2,3,31,20,23,0.34600000000000003,0.5589999999999999,0.094,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652027943861122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176894292254991,0.29880268900816664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642047446661077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779008403814825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284770055016973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29551470187214696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629303894660175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636683284437456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oceans63,2019/01/03,Best way to hang yourself I have been trying to hang myself but it doesn't work. I never pass out. Does anyone know what I'm doing wrong? I keep trying to make me myself pass out by putting all my weight onto the rope around my neck but it doesn't to close so that I can't breathe.,1.7340983606557356,3.0764201147541,2.7089836065573785,97.37003278688525,77.36065573770493,4.88,17.118032786885244,3.1291,-0.9848321311475412,221,3,52,0,5,70,42,61,0.07200000000000001,0.883,0.045,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,1,2,11,10,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,9,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,35,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206981147731373,0.0,0.0,0.2572640043143997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032791030297526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25289870360480843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568692226560788,0.0,0.0,0.15882235555223256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929042949236925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288832009219786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29051661576568016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924129741254382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938826835279585,0.0,0.35191420200579576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103894988498571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159672065167715,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,longhornsrcool,2019/01/03,I'm drunk and want to die Well the title says it all. I don't know why I binge drink because when I do it just intensifies my suicidal ideation. I don't want to kill myself but I just don't want to try anymore. Life isn't worth it. Thanks for listening to me vent...,-0.4773152709359607,1.61330284482759,1.6793596059113334,97.78017241379312,89.51724137931032,5.383251231527094,18.630541871921178,6.868970318607317,-0.022387192118226373,207,6,51,3,7,69,39,58,0.208,0.659,0.133,-0.746,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,9,12,3,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,8,2,5,12,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718551026195751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671020654773188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28449508290613695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685349412700838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032750854945577,0.0,0.15065013676804753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936202883207874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799260627884728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29984468656043284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523744643636304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611066438348944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850523050262116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646836064965144,0.0,0.24735222911750784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,child_0fwolf,2019/01/03,"My life is so shit right now. My self harm urges haven't been this bad in a long ass time. I totaled my car yesterday.  
My state isn't equipped for snow, we're in the desert so we hardly ever see real winters.  
Well, we got dumped on this year. I'm not an idiot, I knew what my car could or couldn't handle.  
I tried to call out. It's a long ass commute for me, I had to move last year and couldn't afford anything close to work. I was guilted by my head cashier and a manager to try and make it in. My manager pointed out that other people roughed through it and came in. Nevermind most of my coworkers live 5 minutes away from work.  
So, when the sun finally came out a couple hours before my shift, I decided to just head out to my mother's. That way, I could drive as slow as I needed and then get to her place which is only 10 minutes from my job and I could chill there until I had to be to work.  
Well, as I was headed out of my neighborhood on to main road, my car wouldn't break at the stop sign because of ice and I slid into oncoming traffic... I've never been in an accident before. Not while I'm the driver anyway. I already have driving anxiety and it's taken years to get as  comfortable as I have been. When I saw that truck coming at me, I didn't really have that whole 'life flashing before your eyes' moment. It was kinda just a mixture of ""well fuck."" and ""fuck you (manager)"". 
The first thing I did once my car stopped it's spin was call my mom. I know I should have called the cops right away, but I just instinctively called her... I've never been good at ""adulting"" and I didn't really know what to do... 
She didn't answer, so I got out of my car and got away from the road. The driver of the truck came over, I asked if he was OK. I could tell he was pissed... He just kinda grunted, asked if I had a phone to call the cops and walked off...
I called the cops, then I stood there... Staring at my sad, broken little car. I cried. I cried because I was sad, because I was scared. Mostly, I cried because I was angry. I tried to avoid this. I tried to be smart and I was guilted into going into work anyway.  
When I called my job again, my other manager didn't even seem to care too much.  
I can't afford a new car. I'm living paycheck to paycheck as it is. My insurance might pay out on my little car, but it probably won't be more than $800.  
The kicker to all of this is that my coworkers were texting me and we were completely dead at work all night. They didn't even fucking need me.  
I'm carless. I'm broke. And to top it off, I don't know if I'll be able to drive once I do get another car. I have this nagging little voice in the back of my head that's screaming that my driving anxiety is going to be back with a vengeance...
Honestly my life feels so fucking fucked right now...",1.1805561833019451,2.8978516406779704,2.931111111111111,93.50823603264284,80.05084745762713,5.997489014438168,20.7564344005022,6.937597516519254,0.2871029504080349,2148,58,492,24,54,713,243,590,0.147,0.807,0.045,-0.9958,4,1,0,0,0,0,91.0,3,2,1,7,28,29,10,4,23,1,56,17,9,1,6,81,94,39,1,13,12,2,3,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,27,34,0,3,8,0,1,22,17,20,3,1,35,9,79,9,75,44,9,100,0,3,4,7,27,42,9,10,33,326,106,12,0.06029312378654565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653496138195324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322259734449988,0.0922481493343409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961610356924085,0.0,0.11273186353396655,0.0,0.1699421235771813,0.09272338103885848,0.05034223991630258,0.14701651455894346,0.0,0.15391502263184956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309621439299983,0.20687781402107627,0.06147285802643977,0.0,0.0,0.05193718742407718,0.06321619316550907,0.0,0.0,0.19255661298968935,0.0667131946762702,0.1986874959976148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796460792460402,0.054538582311411066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03048601499214685,0.0,0.0,0.06604817000355294,0.0,0.051285300292079165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787001069510415,0.09450200601466983,0.0,0.06853194340695361,0.050571011644271864,0.14466575692133798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401079613631719,0.0,0.2475125582865175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059376581804837535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966324395305168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940657209503206,0.049146943102068866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277604492298311,0.0,0.18128864881821607,0.10647986584950868,0.10671503447427012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040246128311298285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396147629418017,0.0,0.07061457787369876,0.0,0.06408204875244951,0.04432238339884839,0.08941317463265225,0.09300354803472624,0.05823147466328071,0.0,0.05658101230545515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842041815596308,0.0,0.045855637551880435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179966042131885,0.0,0.0629934816196949,0.0,0.0569964904381547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500618508178578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862677471373997,0.07725063798266235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446999483303564,0.0,0.0,0.06036393513081908,0.0,0.04804581348082507,0.05488859544390805,0.06289887755106334,0.0,0.06189002513141885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081550246584216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269884771644562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005607234756129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03515740534439237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637402932259011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047857875247853135,0.0,0.0,0.1626322775915358,0.0,0.0,0.06731511951609545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947056102121887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164803847924673
suicidewatch,Galingerpoint,2019/01/03,"At a point where giving up seems more simple I’m 20 years old. Currently on supervision for a dui when I was 18. Just recently got into another alcohol related incident that caused me more trouble. I don’t even have an alcohol problem. These issues only happen when I have had to much. I barely even drink. Maybe 2 times a month. After the inicident I lost control. Started cheating with on my girlfriend. I never meant to. I never wanted to. But yet somehow my mind convinced me it was okay. I just wanted to be in the company of someone who didn’t know my flaws and mistakes. Someone to talk to about anything but my fuck ups. But incidents happened. She left me. My friends sided with her. All of them. Even my closest of friends. My family sees me as a disappointment. I’m from a small town so everyone knows who I am and the reason they do is because of my accidents. I have no talents. No passion for anything. No drive. I can’t find anything I am passionate about. I have a shitty job as a server making no where near enough money to survive alone. But I can’t stand being at my parents anymore. All I ever hear is “you got yourself here. You can get yourself out of it” and for the most part it’s true. I can. I can eventually fix these legal situations but not my mental ones. I’ve been struggling with severe depression for over 3 years now. My original accident sprialed me out of control. I thought there was no hope. I was still on my way to recovery and then this happens. I’ve never felt more of a punch to the face then ever before. I had plans to leave the state next year, now my plans are delayed five years. I was going to start saving more money, but all of it goes to legal fines and lawyers. My parents tell me they are proud of me. But I feel like they are telling me these things so I don’t harm myself. And that makes everything worse because having your own family look at you and think nothing more than I’m crazy and going to end it soon. I don’t think anyone sees it though. Because I don’t want their sympathy. I don’t want to hear their advice. I don’t want to listen. I hide my pain from everyone I know who asks. I’m the only one who knows I feel this way. I tried talking to an old friend, but they didn’t understand or tell me anything I didn’t know already. I’m tired of feeling this way. I just want to know what it’s like to genuinely feel happiness. But as the days go by I’ve notice nothing but decline. It’s like my heart and mind battle over control of my body. My heart is the only thing keeping me from doing something to myself. But my mind is very powerful. And triumphs almost every time. I’m terrified that when my heart loses its ability to fight. So will I. And unfortunately I feel like that day is closing in very quickly. 
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suicidewatch,efffervescence,2019/01/03,"No one cares about me I want to cry for help but I feel like theres no fucking point. I tried to kill myself in December and I actually died but was unfortunately resuscitated, I would be dead if I had been found 5 minutes later. I'm so unlucky. I told everyone I'm close to about this as a cry for help afterwards because I'd ate my peaceful way out and I needed something to make me happy I was alive because I woke up from the coma and immediately wished I was dead and burst into tears. Instead of everyone I told trying to help me and make me feel better which is what I would've done for any of them, everyone left, most of them are now more distant before and I want to fucking kill myself. I understand that I can't make people care but I really really just want someone to show me warmth or come to my house as a surprise or call me out of nowhere but no one has and no one will. I'm heartbroken, I killed myself because I thought no one would give a fuck if I died and I woke up to be proven right. I wish I'd fucking died I don't want to be here anymore. If I tell someone I'm planning on killing myself I feel like they'll just think its a cry for help when I literally have the means to a guaranteed and peaceful death in my possession but I feel guilty as fuck doing it to my mum. I just want a reason to stay so I won't do this to my mum but at this rate I will. I don't want them to care about them for me, I want them to care about me so my life is bearable enough that I can stay around for my mum because going through emotional agony every single day isn't worth it for 1 person. Fuck my life ",2.7100867052023148,3.5585298583815046,4.370027745664739,88.3821976878613,74.11560693641619,7.501317919075143,25.11167630057804,7.839951260653429,1.110955514450867,1265,39,290,17,25,427,158,346,0.294,0.556,0.149,-0.9975,0,2,1,0,0,4,16.0,0,0,6,2,16,19,10,0,8,0,27,10,0,4,0,55,71,27,10,15,14,3,4,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,10,15,1,0,10,1,1,2,10,10,0,4,13,4,59,9,46,49,4,24,0,0,0,6,19,14,6,6,7,193,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.06941953276789775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048375656815339896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054887266196576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332708709137906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345802562194712,0.0,0.0605324193665648,0.0,0.0,0.06291497029537532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263891681845014,0.0,0.2901159945083421,0.0,0.0,0.06127829933912285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234422240759198,0.04587753444112814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148718766173245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279793565266915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001964520779893,0.0,0.07350362437022487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599360617599413,0.20392359809222804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387618929705298,0.10164069467889766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799814132952053,0.0,0.39459052967525815,0.0,0.06824117347843488,0.040428844443319865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572674917755072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907267527851904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820826443986439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31481057639801263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729065039087127,0.0,0.10049245303025443,0.06950797237116872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245366876126925,0.0,0.0,0.07748913950858996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274724673924989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281731784130385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049317497358045935,0.0621141582497677,0.0,0.0,0.0672475383356929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114447572579364,0.07314077067137935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075068142730811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054844159881208,0.05476480304718962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164533385048345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062176947296498385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558177132105765,0.0,0.0564748989577548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594906539481869,0.0,0.09659482155093613,0.0,0.0,0.07405621368847375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370946851665736,0.056465306471578734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360827277297668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151601231295467,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ajgesmanst,2019/01/03,"It's not even worth trying to help me, I'm not even surprised there's no one left Alright yeah I'm fucking done later guys",-1.4600000000000009,0.2795237407407427,0.5011851851851858,101.08733333333336,107.88888888888887,2.16,16.511111111111113,3.1291,-1.195453333333333,99,3,22,0,5,32,22,27,0.188,0.578,0.234,0.3331,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819841746074528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930818134411346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345081529291952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36959537395380665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501945988750693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055582762029553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529369938353906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534254086375021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PuroChanged,2019/01/03,"Help me, i really don't want to die.... If you read my last post you know if not go read that but.. I have everything i need to kms... but im too scared but I try.... i need to be spoken to asap.....",-3.235999999999997,-1.714231599999998,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,98.33333333333331,4.777777777777779,9.722222222222221,6.42735559955562,-1.4521111111111114,138,1,41,2,6,51,31,45,0.122,0.8340000000000001,0.044,-0.5024,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,8,5,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,24,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27609056323166314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23908491565558496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118737861544485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831005425999427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287351206718194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619964846612152,0.2168447916453011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945063517642508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25477713412060105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532191307022728,0.0,0.17042157091060098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663360955970001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806126054207041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690764930336445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatsFakeMan,2019/01/03,TOO SCARED TO KILL MYSELF I want to die but too much of a pussy to kill myself.  I’ve had my setup for a while but too scared to freaking do it! I hate this!,-1.360833333333332,0.34789458333333195,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,89.27777777777777,3.6,11.777777777777779,3.1291,-1.9165888888888893,119,1,32,0,4,40,24,36,0.534,0.443,0.022,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015452952464948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868582264102423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6429016224968267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21358787035490603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5817829891868287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137406973202285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TikTok101,2019/01/03,"Help me, please. Just help. I don't care who, someone please. ",-1.375,-0.6581951666666654,-1.246666666666666,111.125,125.66666666666666,1.6,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-2.1228666666666665,46,1,11,0,3,13,10,12,0.149,0.284,0.5670000000000001,0.7485,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523232590426549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632455459188329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7586461151216661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927933696905178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confusedcd1980,2019/01/03,"Telling a couple worker about my suicidal thoughts. I am considering telling a close coworker about my suicidal thoughts. I am scared to do it because I know he will take action. But I am also scared for the first time in my life that I will actually do it. I have 4 kids and I don’t want to make them sad, but I’m honesty at the edge. I don’t know what to do and I can’t hardly even function at work. Shoots I tell my co worker?  ",0.26934782608695684,2.3296028913043507,2.4914782608695667,93.58613043478263,85.30434782608697,5.853913043478261,22.243478260869566,7.1686216300943375,0.6342182608695648,334,12,78,5,10,113,55,92,0.135,0.8009999999999999,0.064,-0.6124,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,4,4,3,0,2,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,11,20,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,15,0,9,16,0,7,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,51,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.18684510068417265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311685131475186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671708584589476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185564610735602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646277592061855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628625413894757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151767604231138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045155720398484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352394762380219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780634412853967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833856417993136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188697239826719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396007074249326,0.0,0.5020542856442745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400833198260435,0.1116465020276387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293275831905225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393909487690381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sad_Addition,2019/01/03,"Worst night ever I've been crying almost most of the afternoon.  My family's been too burdened with my problems for so long, I just want to die.  I've been fighting this dark hole for weeks now and I don't see myself getting better. I threw/ gave away most of the stuff in my room already. Should I even write a letter?  It's not like I'll be remembered. The obsessive nature of my intrusive thoughts scare me. I want my ashes to be in an oak tree when I die. Can I get any lower?  ",1.1854000000000011,3.231110740000002,2.942,91.781,81.6,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.4128000000000003,374,10,81,5,10,124,72,100,0.295,0.65,0.054000000000000006,-0.9791,1,0,0,0,2,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,1,2,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,16,3,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,1,14,2,11,7,3,12,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,3,8,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965395141355625,0.0,0.2310451554310286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423788745755082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671013825231276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517087424364576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299832671500437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345862993660632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828700262734836,0.18938727798744534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973755342043908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187745130750228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228767454268817,0.0,0.0,0.18528598510333652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647969294688208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033894759779272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717555396311524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096160347139168,0.0,0.16684089406412994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396787185414618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621650401697338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469838659272108,0.0,0.16794409702157334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,readytogotobed,2019/01/03,"I'm too tired... My adopted little brother has always looked up to me. He is always anxious about things happening to loved ones or himself. He is terrified of change... He is mildly autistic. I don't know how it will affect him. Surely he wouldn't see anything... My plan would be to go somewhere far away and somehow hide myself. Leave behind a letter. My mother has already lost one kid to prison... I'm apparently a sign that she wasn't a completely horrible parent, at least in her opinion... Maybe they wouldn't care all that much. I'm just worried about my little brother. He has so many problems at such a young age and I don't want to make them worse... I just can't stand to be here anymore. I don't know what to do. I've been fighting here alone for so many years now. I don't see any reason to continue suffering, but I don't want to make others suffer. Maybe it's foolish of me to assume they would... What a miserable life.",1.2849138804457994,3.663018595744685,2.776960486322192,91.09833333333334,83.78723404255321,5.2830800405268485,21.718338399189463,6.655083550727371,0.5267317122593718,728,24,148,8,21,237,115,188,0.18,0.785,0.035,-0.9613,2,1,0,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,3,2,13,9,1,1,5,0,22,3,0,5,2,26,39,7,0,7,4,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,3,3,20,3,21,29,3,15,0,4,3,1,20,8,0,4,5,96,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667295214732332,0.15627836007333967,0.0,0.2356740998197613,0.0,0.0,0.0963047114588404,0.0,0.0,0.15998739073649856,0.1404464408905483,0.0,0.0,0.11653908167944152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305424110071112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438841237531685,0.0,0.14981246747942156,0.0,0.14848318527265067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048445137583413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523182927860171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565847633439342,0.0,0.0,0.14995241477192273,0.0,0.0,0.10002858183210103,0.0,0.283875746412291,0.0,0.0,0.1189229773844075,0.0,0.15459215837838902,0.0,0.12781526339181612,0.0,0.18906147388241748,0.2871557008906402,0.28454749446687416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410510877658076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919272768725075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724940127807488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355087585844145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456063086083168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257015194183156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334727556686695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094084330514902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276840773535528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705926363039628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381937860552446,0.14432026406691909,0.20120192396829986,0.0,0.0,0.09119698445242652
suicidewatch,allegedlynerdy,2019/01/03,I might have lost my best friend and practically only friend on the entire planet because I told them I hsd lied to them I lied to my best friend on the planet about how badly the abuse was that I suffered in the abusive relationship I had. I don't know why I did it. I just said it was more. I didn't lie about any detail I just feel like... I lied. I don't know. And I told them that and now they hate me and they are my only support network and I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I lied to them I just feel like I did. I don't know. I don't know what to do or why I've donenantn ofn this. And now my heard hurts and I can't sleep and I feel so guilty.,-1.5107843137254908,0.2794124640522888,0.9903594771241836,103.10161764705884,91.02614379084969,3.9228758169934634,13.72875816993464,5.033348758259628,-1.4721006535947718,509,8,138,2,18,172,66,153,0.232,0.626,0.142,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,6,3,10,13,1,0,4,0,18,1,1,1,0,24,34,12,0,1,5,0,3,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,0,9,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,11,5,34,8,10,22,3,5,0,3,0,0,14,3,0,3,4,94,41,0,0.0,0.3300845464811469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472564978664402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163058420316886,0.084913183972197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292363860443911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920032990847664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112958213468825,0.19902532558837416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228578454070822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375253707449312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911860847664718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593186592499005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610539435866048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205738569261285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477704085148479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118808597407789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495511315576838,0.0,0.0,0.13250182532564178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939599915524292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580707711035876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26620545136097457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513848680085743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbjectDust,2019/01/03,"why am I still here? I just cut my wrists a few hours ago and passed out. I just woke up, theres blood literally everwhere but im fucking still alive. this was my 4th suicide 'real' attempt (I had a few semi trying ones). I really can't anymore and I really wish there would be someone I could talk to. pls tell me im not the only one that fucking can't kill themselves",0.7753846153846169,2.7994395512820525,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,82.97435897435899,5.951282051282053,21.28846153846154,7.1686216300943375,0.6028923076923074,287,9,63,4,8,98,58,78,0.096,0.723,0.181,0.7895,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,4,0,3,0,8,4,2,0,0,11,12,3,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,3,0,10,0,3,6,2,7,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,4,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054393576148225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080120703765602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360938937325422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557266828269563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894674056112641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156328370759046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285328772285214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607396517741821,0.1463228164289074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898426223352707,0.2465025354355705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301315170385344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30728906436615633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104456659752934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546374345905349,0.1681591235473337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062156665362126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360389201566165,0.0,0.22124135190653102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666978567782925,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frankchen1111,2019/01/03,"Pathetic Yeah, fuck this world, fuck human, fuck Asia, fuck Taiwan, fuck China, fuck everything.

Things get worse since I was born.

Bullying, teasing, having a horrible and manipulating trans woman relationship with terrible sex even without anal or other penetration lol.

No friends, no social life, poor social skills, no courage, no confidence.

Why the fuck should I be here? 

Listening to Radiohead or Sigur Ros everyday won’t make me a cool hipster, I’m just a fucking nerd.


Maybe afterlife world is more funny than reality world, lol",5.376043956043958,8.731757868131869,5.8535054945054945,69.3039945054945,74.71428571428571,9.793846153846154,31.07802197802198,9.888512548439397,4.2101463736263725,430,20,63,14,10,138,73,91,0.4320000000000001,0.403,0.165,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,3,14,9,0,4,4,6,11,1,2,0,10,18,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,0,1,2,3,3,4,14,1,5,0,0,0,9,8,3,8,2,2,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010607758359954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900106779105632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370271091701103,0.8969911930910309,0.06336520347081455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566555571015304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095714208316537,0.0,0.1218447707293886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021222789236395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032630033367422,0.0,0.0,0.2472648723861633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057483480776742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943876980696272,0.0,0.0,0.11691219201164045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359742980541835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iiScourge,2019/01/03,"lost I should be dead right now. I've tried to kill myself 6 times, I have a variety of health issues, an accident could've taken me out at any time. The fact that I shouldn't be here is finally catching up to me, and I have no where to go. I'm scared of how expensive college is. I can't hold a job. I barely have any friends or family to rely on, and the ones that are still around won't be for long. Even going to the doctor to say ""I have PTSD please help me"" is too scary.

It's like I'm being dragged through some cursed timeline that I should've left a long time ago. What the hell do I do?",1.658931297709923,2.587430045801529,3.2106030534351158,95.37666793893128,76.78625954198473,6.7667175572519085,20.733587786259534,7.1686216300943375,0.17333526717557213,460,10,115,5,10,152,86,131,0.21,0.7140000000000001,0.076,-0.9593,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,1,8,0,18,2,0,1,1,11,24,4,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,4,0,1,2,1,13,2,15,15,1,20,1,1,0,0,3,8,1,2,10,72,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265293851719606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495591755626117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334512733990286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650194657366922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780993408964944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119350735703267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297817439256158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201004480145634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176402749271147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085633509171216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504143911619595,0.0,0.0,0.12298957346588675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915160345946369,0.18208565159359788,0.0,0.20300465429382566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936257469198312,0.0,0.0,0.08964401427246947,0.0,0.0,0.3247660007396147,0.0,0.0,0.2003011639251112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433766806089967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141707336936635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449015519888173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669957753481467,0.0,0.1459187245931601,0.1837056408960667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653546334024373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209837297901869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457776088646913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImaginaryBathroom,2019/01/03,"At what point is it acceptable to end my life?  I just don't know what to say or do from here.

After several failed suicide attempts, six rounds of therapy/counselling, multiple medications and doses and all the support available to me, I still only find myself wanting to die. As long as I can remember really, there has been these constant impulses, urges and thoughts, that I should end my life.

I don't feel comfortable with the idea of living. Nothing about it appeals to me, but people need me to be alive. Mainly my mother, she needs me. It would kill her to find me dead, and I can't do that to her. But once she's gone, I'll have no further reason to hang around.

I know I should be afraid of these thoughts, that the concept of dying should terrify me, but I only feel okay and calm when I contemplate it. 15+ years of suicidality and it shows no sign of slowing down; in a weird way it has become my solution to everything. ""It's okay for this to go wrong, you're going to kill yourself anyway"". I'm tired of the hospitals, of not being enough, of being disabled, of being in physical pain. I just want to feel okay.

I don't want to be happy, I just want to feel okay for a few days here and there. I need some kind of relief from this. The self-harm and suicide attempts can't go on forever, I just need help.

My only partner was sexually, physically & emotionally abusive, often threatening my life or drugging me. She stole from me often and made me feel completely hopeless in a time when I was just beginning to recover from my negative thought cycles.

I don't feel content in my skin. My life has been getting progressively worse, and all signs are showing that it will get worse still. At what point is it okay for me to just end it? Despite who may need me here, despite that it could get better, despite everything, when can I just say fuck it and go? 

I don't want anyone to feel responsible, I don't want anyone to feel guilty - I just don't want to exist in so much pain. I am sick and tired of being so sick and tired. I haven't been able to go out with friends in years, I am stuck inside a house and i'm breaking down every night. 

I'm scared.",4.161931034482759,5.05632058390805,5.147298850574714,83.98508620689657,70.7471264367816,8.374712643678162,27.833333333333336,8.648137234880735,1.8932160919540235,1694,58,350,28,30,556,198,435,0.24,0.65,0.11,-0.9979,0,0,1,0,0,5,62.0,0,0,0,5,25,25,3,2,9,5,42,16,1,2,2,77,84,26,8,17,14,1,10,0,2,6,14,2,0,1,25,18,0,0,19,2,0,7,14,11,0,1,11,12,50,14,59,59,7,43,0,2,1,1,12,16,1,6,18,239,75,1,0.0740209782685105,0.08770275524824557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020169902829306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351437815762432,0.0,0.0,0.06589436401769312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817503549646619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546554002750246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760958740648789,0.07999038107396916,0.0,0.05909972800558552,0.0,0.0,0.047737407380442916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536441780747788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584083468620253,0.0,0.0,0.08326363760077582,0.19668184846666892,0.07648345760610131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236586668983485,0.0,0.13305056473501142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994178455528286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353076662686607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718842419327561,0.06843120165108474,0.11601871812625313,0.0,0.21033913882054056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879670778132745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049614701438126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854102706750808,0.0,0.08356067460070718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378649066754894,0.07708145821162794,0.08135998768111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913282404577788,0.0,0.0,0.06536187993828244,0.06550623646328628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004043939004438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745683482036515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441393599027376,0.27442808734845264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946367378641294,0.0,0.07102512500545947,0.0,0.0,0.07882992607257137,0.0,0.16888886845868814,0.1575270794894074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051316826221035776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994750031662706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474197340942818,0.07610589383655053,0.0,0.0,0.08385133885087873,0.0,0.0,0.11772890580728505,0.07410791231084317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722002370956782,0.08362263620961825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822649772405618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429008084044829,0.08399812895082749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629316556507155,0.04316222768930746,0.2552286767815997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30561643560129104,0.058754407156607236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508674012894042,0.052582379196331415,0.0809303197287767,0.0,0.09533416626363787
suicidewatch,happythoughts413,2019/01/03,"What's the point of recovery if recovery only makes me more repulsive? I've gained over 100 pounds over the last ten years, while my diet and exercise have only improved. It's literally all been from antidepressant/antipsychotic weight gain.

What the fuck is the point of trying to be better if it's only going to make me more repulsive? I hate this body. I hate myself. I want to destroy every inch of it.",3.7664285714285697,6.043306448717949,5.094175824175828,78.38653846153849,74.25641025641026,8.559706959706961,23.96336996336997,9.23628265651192,2.1620600732600734,325,10,59,8,7,108,53,78,0.17,0.679,0.151,-0.5794,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,4,0,4,5,1,2,1,7,11,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,7,1,9,9,3,9,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,2,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970005316599486,0.0,0.2382513912330229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071810332328772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982936761228904,0.0,0.0,0.12190030296972522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42353134591969466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748389716194787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286349109078842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893907132255902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40552706415251816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562545843814306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651247851183758,0.0,0.0,0.2611925210281429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381253129596909
suicidewatch,sochabell,2019/01/03,"I feel disconnected from the real world. I have lived 23 years (though that's not my true, inner age), but I still live at home. I am a full-time student and have a part-time online job that only pays enough to cover what tuition I owe after pell grants and scholarships. I have no sort of ambition or interest in the real world, my real life. I spend all day fantasizing about dead celebrities and aching over how badly I wish to befriend them. I play a lot of video games and spend a significant amount of time researching topics that won't necessarily have any use in a career. I rarely leave my room and can't remember the last time I left my house.

I'm experiencing anxiety about returning to school next week. I hate it there. I like what I'm studying, but I hate being around other people in a classroom setting. It makes me super uncomfortable. It makes me feel trapped, stifled, and out of control. I swore to myself after high school that I would never put myself through that hell again, but last year reality decided to pay me a short-lived visit and I realized I would never have a chance in life if I didn't go to college and get a degree. The thing is, I have no desire to work or have a career of any kind–I just figure that if it's a choice between some blue collar, manual labor job or something I'm at least somewhat interested in and will make me better money, I'll go with the latter. I've always been a good student (quite above average, actually), but believe me when I say I do NOT like school. I only push myself to succeed because 1) I feel like most of what little self-worth I have is tied to my academic success, and 2) I understand that I won't get anywhere in life if I just flunk out of everything.

I'm aromantic-asexual, which means I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. As a result, I feel extremely isolated and lonely. I think a big misconception about people like us is that we don't want love or relationships–not true. We just don't want the kind of love that's like, ""Omg, I want to date you and have sex, blah, blah..."" I would really love to have a mentor type adult figure, but I can't find anyone like that. Every adult in my life treats me like one of them, even though I'm not. I'm transage, meaning that although I've lived 23 years, my inner age hasn't matured past about 14. It causes me more distress than you can imagine to know that I will never receive the type of love I so desperately long for. I hate myself and feel like such shit every day for being emotionally deprived.

It might sound insane, but I'm not jealous of my celebrity platonic crush's wife, but of any potential future granddaughters he might have. He has no female descendants as of yet, but I realize there is still time for that to change. Yes, I know it's crazy, but I literally would be jealous of him having a little girl. It's a huge fear of mine. I want to be his little princess that he spoils and protects. Not his literal daughter or granddaughter, as I'm happy with my own family, but you get the gist. That kind of relationship, more or less. Again, I have no desire whatsoever to be with him in a romantic sense, so this isn't a typical ""crush"" in that I want to marry him or anything in the afterlife, but instead be his little friend. You know the kind of relationship Jacob has with Renesmee in the Twilight books? That sort of thing.

Like I said, I really don't have any goals or dreams in life. It's basically just going through the motions for me because I feel like I have no other choice. My only true heart's desire is to have animals and to meet my celebrity platonic crush in heaven. But the animal dream isn't enough to make me want to stay on this earth; to have to endure a lifetime of working outside the home, suffering, and emotional isolation. There is nothing I look forward to. I feel tired and sluggish most days, filled with anxiety over the next time I have to leave the house.

The thought of having to function in the real world as the adult I'm NOT makes me sick and full of dread. Even if I did have career goals, I would still be a transage freak who will never have her ""Jacob."" Simply put, I wasn't meant for this planet, and I'm starting to finally accept that. I feel like I'm one of those people that would seriously just be better off dead. I'm not happy here, and I'm tired of the pain.",5.080884012539187,5.5507679954023015,5.9869070010449335,80.31333855799375,68.47126436781609,9.177847439916404,28.23197492163009,9.19449984442306,2.176662068965517,3436,108,687,62,55,1136,350,870,0.193,0.66,0.147,-0.9928,3,4,1,0,0,0,108.0,3,4,2,11,31,55,7,3,41,1,66,16,2,10,8,141,127,56,2,20,37,2,9,13,1,13,9,3,3,4,41,30,0,2,27,6,8,11,29,18,0,2,7,15,96,37,98,99,15,88,2,4,2,5,39,39,2,22,49,445,137,28,0.0,0.0,0.04982290924347735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248235642848913,0.0,0.0,0.13887825878418253,0.0,0.07811480183970794,0.0,0.0,0.07139853742787368,0.0,0.04201441575074355,0.045450316171914966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042629300680887286,0.06224605038044505,0.0,0.0,0.057522187484207066,0.0,0.09030907383266397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244817406260743,0.0540100642858895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057263206517797385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877993168365946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486137580940553,0.0,0.10550818364936873,0.0,0.067443496075623,0.0,0.08603310470156136,0.0,0.04588548902630273,0.0,0.04813068406150135,0.057451754105904376,0.2323372483307541,0.14589654826292672,0.0,0.05592892376630293,0.04666390141305047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944543664250337,0.0,0.08002334492950906,0.0,0.08704823702514188,0.04282302227124765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869928969966873,0.0,0.15122053058535576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050114214769758,0.0,0.053943053752378116,0.10242587671740652,0.0,0.0,0.1178226351943828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132962727534643,0.0,0.0,0.21266623930204773,0.08417648198691152,0.08323427080431066,0.0,0.10812103555758328,0.055472068253021915,0.0,0.1803104316374816,0.2743751064846672,0.2046845308790972,0.13524911362622866,0.04518260708441112,0.042873852635018576,0.0,0.0,0.04340565276167544,0.18431872082897605,0.0,0.17040007634506474,0.0,0.0,0.11122905070536526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083238651864226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575089316706303,0.0,0.10859643815837547,0.0,0.0,0.04898923353719819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691932035865021,0.11649027323950285,0.054326767358355024,0.0,0.0,0.055288248903084036,0.04873835557879625,0.10618659174215728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026499768199856,0.0,0.05430392442503306,0.0,0.23244984084104306,0.06541506058984181,0.0,0.0,0.10962923345849536,0.057836051975363414,0.0,0.048565575502511865,0.04060146927040656,0.0,0.15501300523827846,0.0,0.0,0.05326213470184271,0.0,0.05240784865475449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03930510193838156,0.0,0.0,0.0361374226286109,0.05441848572282073,0.12231922520749425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783815559412949,0.032714372527960875,0.10032375267344804,0.04053245035103367,0.11908374407477194,0.11736182326355415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315068924264856,0.061413610970058374,0.044095653351328964,0.0,0.0,0.1806835249436859,0.0,0.040953729682468715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587114303484598,0.0,0.0,0.0743381824243923,0.0,0.0,0.21761063743506973,0.0,0.0,0.09863441426124436
suicidewatch,AshenRose22,2019/01/03,"don't know what to do anymore I'm married, I've been married for a long time. He was pretty bad for a lot of it. During this I met my best friend. He was there through thick and thin. Meanwhile, husband is bad husband but GREAT father. Fall in love with best friend, meet up with best friend, have best time of my entire life (yes, I know, I cheated, I know even though my husband did it isn't ok, I know I am a bad person, I know I made bad choices.) Tell husband PRIOR to this that I don't love him anymore and want a divorce. Don't even know where that will take me because I have no skills and no money or job. Best friend says he is ready to move 300 miles to be with me, but can't for a while (sell house, etc, it takes time, I know). But he says some things that make me second guess everything. Meanwhile husband has been trying, wanting to go to counseling, wanting to fix everything and that has been fantastic. He really is a different person toward me. He says it's like I slapped sense into him and he doesn't want to live without me. But every time he touches me or kisses me I cannot stop thinking about my best friend. But I know deep down I can't do this alone right now, and I don't know how long it's going to take my best friend to do anything - and he said some things to like I said, make me second guess everything. So I tell him I can't do that to my kid. My kid needs normalcy and stability. Friend says okay, but he can't talk to me for a good long while. So now I'm losing someone I love so damn much and my best friend and honestly I've always wanted to die before because life since day 1 has been shitty - now it's just amplified. ",2.8919770773638973,3.729071458452722,3.9197295128939835,91.82433925501434,73.67048710601719,6.844744985673352,23.98865329512894,6.918507183188421,0.6150432320916912,1285,35,294,11,25,416,150,349,0.106,0.585,0.309,0.9985,2,1,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,0,10,14,34,2,0,7,3,33,6,0,4,0,50,67,25,1,6,10,6,3,2,8,1,2,6,0,4,17,14,0,1,10,0,2,4,14,7,0,2,11,9,40,27,31,54,13,30,0,1,0,4,46,11,1,7,17,178,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654600811351613,0.0,0.0,0.05259062925304055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536238319667184,0.0,0.0,0.05201134653982384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109014997308284,0.0770569062837763,0.0,0.05378178322432666,0.0,0.5306279553094141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076122576957817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559557142239197,0.06603452440999699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704889502044322,0.08349103476904585,0.0,0.05325193201634209,0.0,0.17041051469488153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906488262122935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184035829440681,0.053012353294310366,0.0,0.06968241859439943,0.1392522346399653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292870553866783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272002436301828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126164267830153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928543384041991,0.061756373552343424,0.0,0.05581011812509692,0.16780013664227264,0.0,0.07070889134733849,0.0,0.05373361517075979,0.17113170607358605,0.05980496888374515,0.08437806179455208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717564268210298,0.0464620692999676,0.04686482085956973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110374250000512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430099228094875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040489976172066885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053975704481065256,0.12024258494287975,0.2010488115105351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052282840965886056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355237922043789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052841211402461716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425641875747742,0.05080082467157297,0.11048582349899326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397959976788003,0.04049844644940834,0.06209741791282601,0.0,0.14741858882621842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042911235067158535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639620992699865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060926212982918976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GayAndBae,2019/01/03,"All of my friends are suicidal, and I feel like a poser Recently I've got a friend group, many of them I don't know so well but I have made some really good friends.Points is all of them(us?) seem to have something in common: a not so healthy life style.

Point is they are all pretty vocal about suicide, I'm not.Most if not all of those who sre have committed self-harm(and were open about showing theyr wounds) and I have not(cause I see no point in it.I don't want pain, I want it to end).

Recently the one who I like the most(who I've also fallen in love with if that matters) attempted suicide.I felt awfull all the time.I feel useless, there is nothing I did about it, and I can't bring myself to so anything even knowing how awfull I am cause of it.

On to me: I don't feel like it's fair for me to be suicidal.I feel like I am just attention seeking and maybe I am.

I don't find pleasure in anything anymore, I've lost interest in everything.Nothing's interesting anymore, I spend my days doing nothing and getting bored.

I can't really express or have strong feelings.I feel like a personified reaction of things that happen around me.I've turned to drugs and alcohol cause of it, thise things make me feel stronger, make me feel a little more alive.

Also I'm pretty sure none of my friends actually like me.",2.702774792379092,4.5312474943820265,3.8310242631493283,88.27239863214459,75.92883895131088,7.040482006187919,27.3390327308256,7.893859768569023,1.6203559355153887,1039,42,216,16,23,337,139,267,0.107,0.63,0.263,0.9931,0,0,3,0,0,4,38.0,0,0,2,3,14,23,0,0,8,0,23,6,0,6,7,46,49,16,2,4,7,0,8,6,3,0,5,0,0,0,12,9,1,0,13,1,1,2,10,6,1,1,6,9,27,17,26,42,8,18,0,2,1,1,10,11,0,5,11,128,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0905399730187909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991536877914482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839239065939475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840258144253692,0.0,0.0,0.15270019861277329,0.08259394046604031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285932094489344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983547518760088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759543544154583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217561104641659,0.0,0.0,0.061280366880415126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32838676825976565,0.265128426738538,0.08908342530781284,0.0,0.08479931098046475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150449757082924,0.0,0.04847376170792141,0.0,0.0,0.07781952800215962,0.07420470447169605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204511708820526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197900957124413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553331334260205,0.27196595938427515,0.09299001295063623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128041575481904,0.0,0.08373764330561602,0.08779075369243018,0.12386284581887888,0.09406443728337306,0.09321005943606066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26707496310544226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287018242141056,0.0,0.09872454510406856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26312149032394544,0.0,0.0,0.18878138993731447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887458823176265,0.0,0.18321826907551647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739337103607479,0.08446349897432262,0.09678985655498172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142663732483231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297269432760687,0.0,0.08744412606606043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123277923156226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541008099447644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091808303811016,0.0,0.0,0.11160301083669766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094481884053036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342043309392679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skadeetin,2019/01/03,"What do you think it will be like? To die I mean. I nearly succeeded last year. When the assholes brought me back I remember that tunnel. Seemed more like a ladder to me. There are definitely layers of consciousness. 

Do you guys think it will truly be oblivion? I don't believe in heaven or reincarnation. I don't believe suicides are punished to some limbo. Death is death. I love life. The gift of it. I cherished my very existence. It won't cure my brain disease. Or the fact that I've bern left alive to watch everything I love disappear before my eyes. 

I'm ready to become the grass. ",1.093467492260061,3.7190828771929847,2.448101135190921,89.4548452012384,93.03508771929823,5.489370485036122,21.618163054695557,7.048011613610866,0.9853463364293088,464,17,89,8,17,149,75,114,0.16699999999999998,0.5920000000000001,0.241,0.8540000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,0,1,3,8,1,0,5,0,12,5,2,0,1,10,20,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,15,7,9,14,2,9,1,0,2,2,5,3,0,4,6,55,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223170713279258,0.0,0.0,0.21864948857976452,0.16846341872721768,0.446103437497376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100724729742935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205468349182278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792851142441166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602785952406934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613772700037918,0.0,0.0,0.21510204509830508,0.0,0.13983665588552327,0.19344263416161867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573630391729306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565444587298005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426877980405602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802303689302616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655415668107045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537106928400437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335134519564384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127490374242003
suicidewatch,andayray,2019/01/03,"I'm still here. 28th of December I managed to finally pull myself together and get help. Went to my city's emergency center and laid it out: 

I want to die, please help me.

Now living in my best friends old room with his mother at age 23. They didn't want me to be alone and neither did it. Still don't, but it's gotten better. I don't own a single piece of clothing or electronics besides my phone, sold it all. My teeth ache from not having taken care of them in who knows how long, also in alot of debt. 

But I'm alive. Not more than a month ago I was more than convinced I had decided to die. Happy I managed to see beauty through the demon that depression is. 

And if you feel like you're screwed, you're not. Don't give up. Talk to someone, you'll be shocked to see how many cares. 

Ask me whatever. 

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suicidewatch,imtoophilosophical,2019/01/03,I'm done I ruin everything. It's my time to go now.,-4.050000000000002,-2.713140230769227,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,105.15384615384615,5.676923076923077,14.192307692307693,7.1686216300943375,-0.06896923076923045,39,1,11,1,2,16,12,13,0.297,0.703,0.0,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6449078055212261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566378210549885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35815407560591256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367471499737029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RheeIsCool,2019/01/03,Lonely. I have no real friends at all. Not even online friends although I used to. I just sit in my room listening to tunes and on christmas break its easier to notice how alone I am. ,1.3985135135135138,3.72540067567568,3.006689189189192,89.98138513513516,82.7837837837838,5.8621621621621625,22.763513513513516,7.1686216300943375,0.9072756756756766,143,5,29,2,4,47,31,37,0.157,0.632,0.211,0.5106,0,3,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,6,4,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38506781960974507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455672996271996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5744962774796881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423291431326627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231844657793415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211117794558339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessHopeNot,2019/01/03,"Isn’t it reasonable to commit suicide when you finally accept that no women (or men depending on your sexuality) will ever romantically or sexually desire you? Also, is 23 too young to accept this fate?

I was always bullied by everyone in school, called ugly and retard and shit. Even now, tons of women (and guys) online call me “ugly as fuck”.

A handful of other girls, or women (whichever term is PC) just want to be friends with me, but have no desire to date me or have sex with me.

Many people already say that there is NOT someone for everyone in this world, if that’s true, there’s definitely no chance for me, because I’m already universally undesirable.

I even have a few internet friends (some well into their 40s) who have never dated or had sex, some of them really are physically ugly (and I feel genuinely awful for thinking so) but are really nice and I have a lot of pity for them. So that’s proof that it does happen to people.

I’m starting to fear that there is something that prevents any females from being romantically or sexually attracted to me, on a universal or biological level, like nature just dictates it.

I’m depressed and suicidal, and for more reasons than just being undesirable to girls/women/females (whatever term is politically correct, but apparently girl, woman, and female are all offensive terms, so I don’t know what word to use). 

I don’t feel reason to try anything in life now, because I feel it won’t reward me in any way, even if I do succeed.

I’m so tired of going through all of this, and it really hurts me to know that no girl/woman/female even finds me someone worth dating or being intimate with. Relationships and sex are one of the most basic human things, even most guys who are ugly, mentally disabled, nerdy, unemployed, poor, etc get girlfriends, and casual sex as well. There’s homeless unemployed guys who women actually take in and take care of! They love AND financially support them!

I really don’t know if I’m desirable, dateable, fuckable, to any ladies.........",7.971896551724138,7.568257403183026,8.788555702917773,65.6269184350133,62.50132625994696,11.571830238726792,35.8261273209549,11.00357731598739,4.09568551724138,1599,64,269,38,20,544,193,377,0.181,0.644,0.175,-0.7835,5,0,1,0,0,2,69.0,0,3,5,2,24,23,3,1,5,1,28,10,2,5,8,69,52,35,2,7,18,0,4,1,3,2,2,1,0,12,22,17,0,1,13,1,2,1,11,7,2,1,2,5,26,16,42,44,14,26,0,3,0,6,31,10,2,17,15,192,48,6,0.0,0.0,0.09440123328990956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350308907011686,0.07736044214513725,0.08049282751259489,0.0,0.0,0.197353172046528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960620371329352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179397994329112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197558325707311,0.0,0.0986296888884459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331932670336879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846550891947867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788718429379156,0.3194689603435542,0.08750403964425706,0.0,0.18487245485778134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885587623480712,0.14673920835911144,0.0,0.0,0.10597051557778188,0.08841574910817603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947733575789945,0.08943168001050171,0.050541023316621296,0.0,0.05497779405539607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873541387562997,0.08554409704688293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355882298094647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949216603826916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832811403457976,0.04726074963121647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224222982306413,0.08730880446805613,0.0,0.0,0.0980760054614643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748801492255857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460943986239724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555140850893539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341303344387917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478884709536977,0.29838484990548353,0.0,0.10385919851181967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692904390183769,0.0,0.09790287970377437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929900967650628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392967662506375,0.0744727707375818,0.0,0.0,0.06847085639637084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116288753998769,0.10977585675192048,0.0,0.0,0.14546817843048934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426767976256817,0.06198508196004932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118480459551194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567798658567121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354959841360031,0.0,0.0,0.057057913882207024,0.0767852268155098,0.0,0.0,0.17395613237063098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zero_luna,2019/01/03,"Nobody likes me I feel extremely lonely. There was a span of time in which I cried every day, many times. Because I feel that nobody thinks of me when I'm not around, nobody truly likes me. I have two friends, best friends, but I don't think that they like talking to me more than the do with other people. What makes me keep on living is basically music and hope, which I'm almost loosing. I passed the past few hours listening to The Smiths and trying to get better. But I don't think it's gonna happen. I'm lost.",3.1463207547169816,4.376191886792455,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,73.52830188679245,6.432075471698113,20.797169811320764,6.6274283507984215,0.21389056603773549,404,8,86,3,8,130,73,106,0.077,0.726,0.197,0.9201,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,3,10,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,16,22,5,0,1,3,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,13,8,10,19,3,11,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,9,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027559441841355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691563199009587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583321852920475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994121840250978,0.16805549300707714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087258674030116,0.12254590016105732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009837341860694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215763601872932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936148947388572,0.0,0.09927657036340816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803230351009088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887307643118596,0.18712946899470773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889674292413315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784996124909012,0.0,0.16778938892557552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742711039641493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268385008207484,0.192648443150042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139369672477607,0.13173456640717615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272928305674907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652676151096877,0.0,0.0,0.2216020657757648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900975937412526,0.0,0.18561999038804594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrfluffydick,2019/01/03,"To anyone struggling to find meaning to live I had the same problem for years...but after trying weed and listening to my favorite songs (not the sad ones), man.. that intense amazing feeling you get, it's alone worth living. It's even more amazing when alone, makes you really appreciate being alone.

  


I can recommend some tracks if anyone wants.

Be strong fellas!

  
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suicidewatch,thaifoodparadise,2019/01/03,"The anxiety of thinking about my parents' future death and the inevitable depression is making me want to take the easy way out It's cowardly I know. But I feel the only way to avoid the suffering of my parents dying is to end my life first. I'm 28, I'm an only child, and I still live at home for half my time (the other half is spent abroad). 

I can't handle the thoughts of my parents dying one day. My mom is 57 and she weighs 14 stone. My dad is 64 and has type two diabetes. Either one of them could get a stroke or heart attack any minute.

My dad takes his meds and my mom is going for a check up soon. But my anxiety about their future death is unberably strong. I know I wont be able to cope. I dont have many friends. 

I will end up lonely and crying every day. I feel absolute zero control over their destinies but the only destiny I have control over is mine. I guess I'm seeking some comfort to get me out of this dark headspace. I cant stop panicking that either of them will die in the near future. Thanks for any help.",2.4546078431372536,3.7566795370370407,3.787516339869285,90.53852941176471,75.3888888888889,6.749019607843138,23.35403050108933,7.285733465282438,0.7571550108932463,804,23,177,9,17,264,123,216,0.127,0.777,0.096,-0.4653,3,3,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,4,4,4,9,1,1,12,0,19,5,1,3,0,29,38,10,5,2,6,7,3,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,4,8,1,4,6,0,2,1,4,5,0,7,2,3,31,4,25,31,3,24,0,3,0,0,16,9,0,3,12,113,35,1,0.11397431224741295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550128813478848,0.0,0.1743800738157196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966223404737892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25566376523590856,0.09099921415536463,0.0,0.12519543018238302,0.14700800507996425,0.0,0.09816590813050104,0.0,0.3548620256686389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357704511758314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018948225661304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602827374022496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525767363440595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694649177384508,0.0,0.0,0.08805627091684556,0.0,0.119093748066026,0.0,0.06477422818926122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555555451810596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506010877810215,0.07639457902404903,0.0,0.11432552808155423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252746026508182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050342736120257,0.0,0.0,0.10064140582066404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607873845018705,0.11555206364320456,0.0,0.0,0.1265997672374084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669706740121553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446388731446425,0.2600478010300973,0.0,0.0,0.37966495740079215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102003298740503,0.09528762847070958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138899706376742,0.0,0.0,0.10493223378564022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303013720711879,0.0,0.09048287287022663,0.06645933802860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133634195042716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722500233613038,0.18093500798887888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Generic_Satanist21,2019/01/03,"at work; feel like im a non-existent shadow floating by... ive been on different meds... just had a new switch 3 weeks ago, plus an increase and I still hate existence. I'm depressed. I don't want to be around I feel like everyone stares right through me. I feel like im floppy (messy) with everyday skills and at work I feel off. I don't know what to do i feel like leaving work and  jumping off a bridge. It's becoming hard to bare. I don't even know why I'm posting it but I gotta say it because I'm afraid.",-0.4848232848232854,1.551869900900904,1.7724324324324352,97.56305613305616,88.72972972972973,5.577546777546778,21.151074151074152,7.010146845296331,0.4063244629244625,393,14,96,6,13,132,69,111,0.07400000000000001,0.833,0.094,0.2117,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,4,7,1,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,16,21,5,0,1,2,0,6,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,8,11,4,13,17,1,15,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,9,46,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190670590863027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246805050100216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071018245611144,0.16434349600864098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281655787736383,0.0,0.0,0.15546961450993313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828433767453533,0.0,0.0,0.1421896102239677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762015431523047,0.4252254538805111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330010405493267,0.1469141879864231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214699963463802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635587370417344,0.0,0.0,0.15756307111580578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907945404468068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528887420895622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371685268805182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251411245196804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270787068363118,0.0,0.11833575505577157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883591187602735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776907886407344,0.0,0.11936244208426328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427342008061832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249955643751533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,never_late-_-,2019/01/03,"Just want to share I don’t know if this is even the right sub for this but I’m so tired. I have a job but I work so few hours that I have a lot of free time, and I just sit around for 6-8-10 hours doing nothing. I have not done a single god damn thing with my life. I use all my time doing meaningless stuff never learning never truly in joying life. When ever I try to do stuff is only becomes more apparent to me how meaningless my life is. I will go swimming and injoy it but as soon as I’m home again i will become so sad and  start starring in to the wall. I feel like getting an adction just to have something to use my life on. The thrill of killing myself becomes stronger when I’m truly alone, and staring into the wall. And all I can think is “I should just get a hoppy” but it’s not that simple because that will only be a distraction from how I really experience life. I’m 20 years old and if something dosent change i can’t se myself living a full life",2.149474637681159,3.2728746086956555,3.8208423913043497,90.71213315217392,75.85990338164251,6.527657004830918,22.11624396135266,6.9077264865688965,0.4474736714975842,752,19,170,7,16,252,116,207,0.18,0.7190000000000001,0.101,-0.9706,2,1,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,16,9,2,1,11,0,20,7,0,4,5,37,34,21,1,4,12,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,1,0,10,9,0,0,4,1,1,2,6,4,0,0,1,2,22,6,19,28,7,26,0,1,1,0,1,9,1,3,15,120,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282021163183993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556743747362367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722894424613284,0.3929095734436964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544916217701205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135551899193905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832549533907822,0.10726859413722474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600069334506236,0.0,0.0,0.05996107398577776,0.08471846861365355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391346821178388,0.0,0.06739563911636229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895227851822356,0.0,0.2335683175081802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117679149372186,0.0,0.13119877830468246,0.0,0.06517223089120469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5025683908309746,0.0579355443636901,0.0,0.10471436027048392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081829830595276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292297717778389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137872799114792,0.0,0.1244369495604688,0.0,0.0,0.1803812847708428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596977205318824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127252109043312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825878999644228,0.0,0.0,0.0839363820787049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715071408783701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878383311923484,0.07598566450607888,0.0,0.0,0.1382978905931868,0.13629813808447827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051268621940512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204841924989798,0.0,0.0,0.06994559601396505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633263842770772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636604272737446
suicidewatch,vlsvsfv,2019/01/03,I have no real reason to stay alive I am a failure in every aspect. I really wanna die. I want to go away and never come back and free everyone from the suffering i bring them. Im sick of being a screw up and im ready to go. ,-0.4452941176470589,1.1285680000000011,3.427215686274512,88.6584705882353,84.68627450980392,6.432941176470589,16.08235294117647,7.554174236665415,0.16691058823529392,172,3,40,3,5,65,38,51,0.294,0.5379999999999999,0.168,-0.8183,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,9,8,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,9,7,0,10,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369884185994098,0.1939575101544172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172830076801378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617859982885811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125236487982624,0.2410267757009261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867083784118187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5449264301513352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454355967436707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871051120930736,0.16159183620232986,0.2593454258182094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268854999200793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877808618735533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sshootmee21,2019/01/03,"25 days left Like I always say check my other posts. Just another shitty day for me. Had a huge argument with my friend group where we're basically no longer on speaking terms. Another reason not to be alive, no friends. I at least hope my death won't be too hard on them though.",1.7402380952380982,4.128544928571428,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,81.85714285714286,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,0.7128547619047625,220,6,47,4,6,70,49,56,0.234,0.55,0.21600000000000005,-0.3156,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,7,4,6,1,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085289829602485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255763680006841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232475851561249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38724390438794143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449882841313315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489139323645244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722903093894018,0.0,0.0,0.1224362015732947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001670144698145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576705329088727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929645635127435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24622469032485414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway_sos6969,2019/01/03,"My bf calls himself an incel and is extremely suicidal I don’t really post on Reddit but I’m really desperate at this point. Im hoping my responses will be compassionate and understanding. I’m also hoping people will help me with a solution besides just run/drop him/leave him because even if continuing the relationship isn’t the best option I still love him and need advice on how to help him or get through to him.

Some background, we’ve been together 4 years and are long distance. We live in different countries so it’s hella long distance but we’ve managed to see each other a few times a year, We are also open and pursue casual sex with other people, because of the distance, but there’s no issues with jealousy on either half.   

The first 2.5 years things were picture perfect. He was everything I ever could have wanted in a man and a partner and the times we’ve had together will always be so precious and cherished to me. He is not some crusty greasy white boy. He was an ideal man, like Aristotles man of virtue and a great example of his kind. But this year things took a turn for the worse in his personal life.   

His industry died in his country and he lost all his money and is in medium sized debt now because of an extended period of unemployment. He is working now for a fraction of what he used to make doing a job way below him. He is the type of person who needs stimulation so it’s really crushing his soul to be doing the same menial work he was doing when he began his career. He also has a nightmare situation with a baby mama and is giving way too much money to her and can barely see his kid. All of this has contributed to a major episode of depression. He has been depressed before, and is currently on an antidepressant that he has been on since I’ve known him.  

I have struggled with depression too, and he has been so supportive to me even when I was at my lowest and the most toxic I’ve ever been. I regret a lot of things I put him through because of my mental illness but this isn’t about me. His confidence is completely shot and he’s having trouble finding women to hook up with. This is the aspect of his life that is making him the most miserable.   

He spends almost every day calling himself a beta, incel, loser. This couldn’t be further from the truth. He is very masculine and dominant. He used to be very fit and took the gym very seriously but he hasn’t been going as frequently and has put on a little weight, which makes matters worse for his self esteem. He is charming and likable. When I show pictures of him to my friends and people I meet (after i start gushing about him) they squeal and giggle because he is so handsome.   

But despite everything I’ve said to him about how I see him and how the people close to me see him, he doesn’t believe me. He won’t believe me because he doesn’t have any evidence that “any woman over a two actually wants to touch him”. He frequently says that he wants to die/talks about things he wants to do to kill himself. He has begun spending money recklessly and I believe that he’s trying to ruin his life as much as possible to make it easier to kill him self. He sends me tons of pictures of women he likes on bumble and tinder that he “won’t match with” every day.  This is absolutely nothing even close to the person I met and fell in love with, and I know that depression is the issue but he refuses treatment.   

I’ve explained to him that most women don’t take dating app very seriously, and that he needs to socialize in person and have given him suggestions on where to meet women such as yoga classes, photography classes, cooking, but he is not interested in socializing in person. He is too depressed.   

He says that he has tried every anti depressant there is and none of them are left except for SSRI’s, which he refuses to take because of the side effects of sexual dysfunction. He claims he can’t afford therapy. He’s not interested in recovering. I have been in that position too when I was depressed and I know nothing could convince me otherwise until I was ready myself. But I don’t know what to do for him now. I love him and I don’t want to leave him. I really want to help him but I don’t know how anymore. That’s all I guess thanks for listening.   

  TL;DR depression has taken my man out of reality and I don’t know how to get through to him",4.994435798460064,5.816904655413276,6.194702530482202,77.49127484018547,68.80209545983702,9.19454281804628,29.50556542695505,9.368774924056119,2.589622739619713,3445,124,646,68,57,1158,341,859,0.14300000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.145,0.6366,8,0,0,1,0,0,66.0,2,0,2,9,39,45,2,2,37,0,82,10,0,13,7,126,135,69,4,17,19,0,2,2,3,5,4,4,0,19,33,49,2,2,10,5,6,7,20,19,0,3,23,11,83,26,104,99,19,77,1,13,5,4,130,35,0,13,34,446,116,10,0.0,0.0,0.052989454213422126,0.0,0.0,0.05306181930319162,0.0,0.0,0.054374106191654274,0.0,0.0,0.13027226861721553,0.04518236520161481,0.0,0.0,0.0738524029088853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053851504161355236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317075619106828,0.0,0.04620572534212675,0.1835342034156295,0.0569850237663537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089376155074934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693304023156305,0.0,0.0,0.08670906017302582,0.0,0.0,0.0700386595461805,0.0,0.3741515226931459,0.0,0.11271069031537673,0.05673246432271839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075949026730171,0.09823582045753752,0.13725153744465754,0.0,0.09760357461013054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049629672471809716,0.046187976823789535,0.0,0.0,0.04195243093256376,0.0,0.056739539253919224,0.05208998668423661,0.030860225013233537,0.0,0.0,0.05986649199261905,0.059818121688286416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091894398919719,0.0,0.0,0.1078652956170404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058653857076940874,0.11335122676622712,0.05388486668583132,0.0,0.12015091400656724,0.056545613861919565,0.14921067121601794,0.0,0.0,0.11499277641914102,0.05899765118999255,0.0,0.11506214518423648,0.05305696210524055,0.05442336538503945,0.04794833556640895,0.09610846599271544,0.0,0.0,0.059275409240982464,0.04616434255933407,0.14702496150386207,0.0,0.14498401928839666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054722131513174836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983422951770452,0.12078939620576495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420558682288733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505805161156737,0.23706550687873465,0.0,0.0,0.05133152315384648,0.06121565397344449,0.05200486812584579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917399905593776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914516075543926,0.0,0.0,0.058298414675193075,0.0,0.0,0.05165220936542875,0.08636387274729586,0.0,0.0,0.1730818700012722,0.0,0.11329452619075656,0.0,0.0,0.044917934009356564,0.06103603612812231,0.0,0.11070504128762082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843417277004062,0.0,0.04336444875106886,0.0,0.0,0.05676667159701265,0.0,0.0593959327247394,0.061619562927011526,0.0,0.0,0.08165443513624378,0.04364468433740047,0.0,0.04999260410026688,0.062097353094927435,0.0,0.14429935523079626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332611543593387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206597050242568,0.07373294906695199,0.059063350276727135,0.0530436974826065,0.05652873460824391,0.0,0.09379639365708377,0.0,0.17921439437480455,0.1921670475992246,0.0862024174644464,0.0,0.06612337930533357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906282017046318,0.0,0.11067369527753702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987096452149111
suicidewatch,jsnelson21,2019/01/03,"Rather be dead than keep getting rejected from jobs. After looking for a job for 2 and half years, I am over constantly getting rejected for jobs that I know damn well I am qualified for. I am tired of people telling me ""you'll have your opportunity; you have to be patient"".

I've done the whole networking thing, volunteering for things in the hopes of making connections, etc. Mostly everything I have done in the past few years has been with the hopes of simply landing a job in event management/operation. I am learning there is absolutely no future in the field. I've applied to things in my state, region and on the other side of the country.

Always get the same b.s. in emails, ""we have filled the position. If anything else comes up we'll keep you in mind"". Don't give me that garbage, I've never heard back from a single company.

At 29 I have no interest in going back to school and spending more money on a new career/major. I'd rather just not deal with this at all anymore.",4.121902268760909,5.82597546596859,4.944586387434559,82.29181849912743,71.82722513089007,8.234694589877838,27.39301919720768,8.841846274778883,2.1069452705061082,778,28,150,15,15,252,120,191,0.111,0.8190000000000001,0.07,-0.8396,5,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,2,4,0,1,7,8,1,0,13,0,19,1,0,1,2,24,33,4,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,2,2,0,2,3,5,3,1,1,4,2,16,5,32,25,8,31,0,2,1,0,11,16,1,4,11,109,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984777373677833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309242625547701,0.0,0.0,0.1086378069173116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302409986633185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137199766469177,0.0,0.14266224860389856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610255814236766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019612592544423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028231378204134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472325842640842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864734539495947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691851927455585,0.12664164537887707,0.07502765735244397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622430794430365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5240214953005704,0.23468352991532024,0.0,0.0,0.07255246589111351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086007602716667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812161379320234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329838832042834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181877220488976,0.12750174330298794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260240793124164,0.09152317718224863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360710152959246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538768325478208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631164203062072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173281440839745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869811546739464,0.0,0.0,0.14739099668316058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700277751567616
suicidewatch,ACfireandiceDC,2019/01/03,"There is no light at the end of the tunnel. EVERYTHING in this world is a catalyst for anxiety-provoking terror. * Simply being alive is a reminder that I get extremely lucky, considering that being born has a lower chance than winning the lottery 50 times in a row. I am alive for an infinitesimal amount of time in the grand scheme of things, and after I die, I will be dead for an eternity. EVERY GODDAMN SECOND not spent living my life to the fullest is a horrible thing. 
* Beautiful, warm, sunny days remind me of how life is so beautiful but doesn't last forever, leading to an eternal void on the other side. 
* School is a reminder of how much I have failed at it, and about how I'm 23 and still need to attend for 3 to 4 more years.
* My bike reminds me of being at school, as I use the bike to get around campus and thus associate it with school.
* My car is a reminder that my dad is threatening to stop paying my car insurance, and that I need to renew the registration despite being $1,400 in debt.
* My wallet brings me anxiety, because it is a reminder of the car insurance and driver's license inside of it.
* Successful men and women are a reminder to me that I will never be as successful as those men, or get to be with women who are that successful.
* Airplanes, especially the Boeing 737, 787, 777, and 777x, are reminders to me about how I have failed to get into the school that offers aerospace engineering, and how I have failed at the other one that only offers mechanical.
* My guitars are a reminder to me about how I have failed so much, how I feel ""guilty"" for wanting to play them when I should be being productive, and how my debt makes me unable to afford anything related to music anymore. I used to practice guitar for 90 minutes a day when I was 15. Now that I have crippling anxiety, I get about 15 minutes in per day if I'm lucky.
* My dad is a catalyst for extreme anxiety. We had some interactions when I was a kid that may have constituted verbal and emotional abuse. Our relationship is now strained and is causing extreme problems. He texted me, obviously very upset, and I cannot even bring myself to look at the text, or think about what it entails.
* To his credit, however, he did buy a condo close to my school and is letting me live in it. But even the condo, as beautiful as it is, reminds me of certain issues that it is running into. We need a new renter or else he will get upset about the money being lost. He has fear-mongered about my college tuition running out before I graduate and how my anxiety then will be even worse than it is now.
* My mom beings me anxiety, as she always asks how productive I am at the end of the day.
* I feel hatred, rage, and anxiety when I see my mom's boyfriend's immature 18-year-old NEET daughter, because deep down inside, I feel like my life is on a path to becoming someone like that.

Everything fucking sucks now, I need to kill myself. The only thing that has never upset me is extreme metal or dark ambient music. That has been my one escape.

The entire world is a violent storm of terror. My heart is no longer warmed when I see cute puppies or kittens on Reddit's r/aww. I feel like an angsty 16-year-old kid writing this even though I'm 23. But I guess I just had to be born with severe OCD now, didn't I?

",4.054946548171047,5.405419933539413,5.369811630602783,80.57157473596088,71.45749613601237,8.235561566202987,28.625998196805767,8.72156446121922,2.237433822771768,2575,98,491,46,48,861,283,647,0.187,0.722,0.091,-0.9973,6,0,0,0,1,2,90.0,3,0,1,10,38,33,5,6,40,0,65,5,1,16,4,76,98,50,3,8,11,5,6,3,0,6,3,0,2,6,33,26,0,1,5,5,8,9,8,17,0,3,9,10,67,16,79,69,5,65,1,5,3,1,28,25,2,11,34,352,100,18,0.0,0.09116825631499932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402511565840507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531802124140244,0.0,0.07630961254296235,0.0,0.0,0.06331988274449256,0.06849812473364784,0.07193398782894507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381095847626547,0.08498065190955978,0.06547525557613867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904458915981154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984948445259168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985764967349207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427838867168288,0.08655373064415324,0.1363023782074078,0.0,0.0,0.2032880470704399,0.0,0.0648302017831952,0.0,0.13830794658939272,0.0,0.0,0.08658547949430674,0.15562454572481185,0.1099402688786792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113520338569179,0.2412062015961235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476453462476569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118120907422804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031148182864956,0.0,0.0,0.08512918847217205,0.0,0.0,0.06272114193994259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868235034056811,0.16304739958725414,0.11277557472191276,0.0,0.13588919998183865,0.0,0.06461513918841022,0.0,0.08399549061715693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136195594309143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023611163962494,0.0,0.0,0.11312811437742105,0.22821750707011446,0.1186907744208974,0.07431478658077624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614834630157108,0.0,0.10428100592439103,0.11704158061936445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736267918089364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261105246760067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38936656780657053,0.12263176900717485,0.0,0.0,0.0869269147829529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519597354262639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144905948064301,0.06433018048319407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533582217341759,0.049303797173318335,0.07559891220976671,0.0,0.08973549407808051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291302758142134,0.0,0.0634883890888463,0.04538465908610314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841440027396063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865182423685538
suicidewatch,classicforever,2019/01/03,"I desperately need someone to talk to I’m not suicidal but I feel...weird. Definitely not myself and almost out-of-body, I don’t know how else to describe it. I think holiday and new year stress is really getting to me.",1.3818181818181827,3.821877181818184,4.201090909090908,80.6166363636364,84.0,8.065454545454546,24.70909090909091,8.841846274778883,2.331814545454546,172,7,34,5,5,61,35,44,0.123,0.6679999999999999,0.209,0.5987,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,7,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111679576046784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451695584059431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259589014412311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712288094763882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235233810411046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707782732150467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041475897351,0.0,0.30012112318651674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907230902441156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632946915023904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559593233420853,0.0,0.0,0.3399064806847125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497664465085825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911395384191585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011070253247265
suicidewatch,destroyax,2019/01/03,"I can't do this anymore *(English is not my first langage, excuse me if there is any mistakes)*

​

I tried to write this a million times.

I'm a 17 year old boy, I am depressed since I am 10 and suicidal since I am 13.

​

I have no family anymore, I only have my mom, but she made me suffer in the past so we're not in good terms.

I have a really few friends, like, a *really* few. I'm very awkward and anxious so socializing is very hard for me. 

I've been self harming for 4 years. I bite, burn, punch and cut myself on a daily basis, because I don't know how to cope differently. 

I've already tried to kill myself when I was 16, but I failed and ended up in a psychiatric hospital.

I seriously think I am bipolar but I don't have any meds or therapy for it, since I'm too afraid to go back to the hospital. 

When I used to have a family, when I was a kid, they hated me because they though I was weird and asocial. They also though I was autistic, and I think I probably am a little. Kids at my school also thought that, so they bullied me from age 10 to 14. Because of that, I became even more anxious than before around people, I even used to be paranoid and thinking strangers were gonna kill me.

​

I hate myself so much, I can't live like this anymore. I'm just stupid and asocial and useless. I wish I could be a better person and do something great with my life. I have some dreams, like becoming a comics author or a concept artist, but honestly I don't have the strenght to fight for it. Everything just seems so hopeless. When I'm trying to sleep to avoid all this negativity, I'm always having insomnia and nightmares. I'm always tired, anxious and depressed. I don't want to live like this anymore.

​

I can't. I just can't.

​

I'm just suffering down here. Everyday I think I'd be better of dead, but I actually don't want to die. I want to get better. I want to live. But I'm tired of this life, I really am.

​

So if I don't find a way to get better, I'll try to kill myself again soon, but this time I know I will suceed.

And honestly, this scares me. ",1.7192505720823803,3.5706932334096138,3.6030154462242585,88.68937442791763,78.90846681922197,6.475263157894738,24.42614416475973,7.461004344511776,1.1021863157894742,1641,59,350,23,40,553,196,437,0.272,0.607,0.121,-0.9974,1,1,1,0,1,6,87.0,0,0,4,6,28,36,8,4,16,0,40,7,1,4,1,56,71,39,6,9,17,1,1,4,1,2,6,0,0,5,12,15,0,1,9,3,0,1,14,23,0,2,8,1,60,13,35,57,7,29,0,7,0,0,16,9,0,6,22,226,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0544516724010093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615754681241657,0.08924471229200576,0.09285830113864108,0.3627484763091642,0.4068105892742239,0.07589032400721273,0.0,0.0,0.1891106063681614,0.2213500407900376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967284657387622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290590596984796,0.0,0.102043465396888,0.06162549559518055,0.04748074983461911,0.0,0.0,0.19739835259895272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455087723422023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611901294534138,0.0,0.0579104434669752,0.058297969051738736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942125895181754,0.0,0.0,0.07370928774837371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014844886335988,0.0,0.10520446440194407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050999179118169806,0.04746251155456042,0.0,0.0,0.04311008783682286,0.0,0.05830523921222115,0.0,0.031711797896125264,0.04680146573818091,0.0,0.06151847868918098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049984849871043534,0.11017971339919423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519962996269895,0.0,0.06133122681404277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882481936996966,0.10904208628046352,0.055925151653212594,0.14781433961860485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052798263579179314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197999334857045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535099139837676,0.0,0.0,0.04101860810432654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855155388405363,0.0,0.0,0.04243757401736422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326635902314266,0.0386839280344422,0.048721442821995885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016064628637209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072386027858227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586442805849631,0.05647146066803735,0.0,0.05079721831856827,0.058210416738016066,0.0,0.0,0.13847226758120335,0.0,0.05583919226222141,0.05687994649892845,0.0,0.04295671543341721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103493456742716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381089931736478,0.0,0.0,0.1430147153384314,0.10964426199840276,0.04429808980722258,0.0650735687568668,0.12826524283241916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153514778935062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638465946905236,0.0,0.09207986416257828,0.13164653580563046,0.0442905656005052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416597545330095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068105892742239,0.07186531784100032
suicidewatch,Fake_Eons,2019/01/03,"I get suicidal a lot but this time it's strange The emotional side of me is still feeling suicidal but the logical side of me is simply observing the way I feel and thinking about how strange it is that I was happy just a few minutes ago and I just closed my eyes and seemed to get pulled into these awful moods and thoughts. It really feels physically intense, the way I feel when I get pulled into a mood like this.

I don't know, maybe this means I'm getting better.",3.7990827067669137,5.0433392842105285,4.7323308270676705,85.3063157894737,71.94736842105263,8.375939849624057,28.308270676691734,8.841846274778883,2.08087969924812,372,14,77,7,7,121,61,95,0.16399999999999998,0.67,0.166,-0.1912,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,1,5,1,1,1,0,23,19,8,2,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,10,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,10,3,6,17,2,13,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,2,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236741783702247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719744502332508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187290946473284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932772826538963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063665710366463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699471042614234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686415438232766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949980209737014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531369338447616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535028283643688,0.21181210296171746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456908928949635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701918133962266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552873232280347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253915670139756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459514844868108,0.0,0.15437088588997053,0.11338484910676185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30868933076220706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lazeroid2077,2019/01/03,"It’s less that I wanna die, I just don’t want to have existed... Anyone else understand this? And does anyone around the age of 15 wanna talk? I just... sorry",-1.1008333333333304,0.7010222500000012,1.6087500000000006,93.02791666666668,107.75,4.633333333333333,11.583333333333332,6.42735559955562,-0.5179541666666667,120,2,25,2,6,41,27,32,0.173,0.784,0.042,-0.6119,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44972110252162734,0.3295030695499045,0.0,0.2862799020139378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337557080940134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814222544672724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686440086074925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599894270035943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584788095043991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33478257996720084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896798752758156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDovachiief,2019/01/03,"I'm tired I'm so tired, I just genuinely don't see anyway out of this. I've got medical expenses that I have to work out so I'm not exactly financially independent at the moment, and I have no other option than to live with my parents. I want to work but legal reasons are making that a bit complicated.
So I'm stuck at my parents home dealing with my mom. She is a temperamental woman, she doesn't have any sort of control over her emotions, and she constantly makes me the subject of her anger. I can barely live in this house without being blamed or attacked by her over incredibly small things. I can't take being made to feel like a failure anymore.
The real cherry on this situation is that not only does she have depression herself, but so does my sister. You think that'd make her more sympathetic to her other depressed child, but no. So when she has to call out of work cause her mental illness makes it hard for her to leave the house, the entire world has to stop to take care of her. When my mental illness makes it hard for me to get out of bed, I'm a lazy bastard that she feels like never accepted adulthood.
I just want this to be over. I just want her to leave me alone for once. And I don't see any other way for this to happen.",4.268659101435851,4.974431326771658,5.474854099119963,82.42246178786478,70.37795275590551,8.181194997684115,27.14590088003705,8.313332769828598,1.6721017137563692,983,31,202,14,17,328,129,254,0.218,0.696,0.086,-0.9889,2,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,4,11,9,3,0,9,0,18,5,0,10,2,42,44,14,0,3,10,4,4,2,0,0,5,0,2,2,16,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,10,5,0,0,3,6,34,4,39,37,2,20,0,2,2,0,25,13,1,3,8,139,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070474938771949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057367577739005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025031493618788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758440131592993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128399314660538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553985427666253,0.0,0.10538014994175386,0.10617691610391676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169304674012932,0.11592454423720636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655733760550876,0.17804381702912475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089818782190706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626359621535895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045216030013515,0.14767764408988174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400017657299084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266466234171731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139894767009143,0.0,0.18517654711517048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036762853375256,0.0,0.0,0.2385220129349617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888194063271846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099078560676084,0.0,0.1825336349933968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779963497432602,0.3449606193838866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412209429959912,0.208320673943982,0.0,0.0,0.12105138825989607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971589536962166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007266747738917,0.0,0.07860825274812333,0.0,0.0,0.2295331766909483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764378689278455,0.0,0.10626901689122503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472554526439073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617848052956788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641173606841487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542438212592358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866631950393827,0.06622749503437905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375891379475337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288929798018547,0.08204059858976102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963321612423816,0.0,0.22573709475101505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jynx27,2019/01/03,It's back I don't know how to resolve it this time. It looks so peaceful to see a way to fix it all yet you know it will make things worse for everyone. I am in a position where I want to prove everyone wrong by doing it but still don't want to hert them something like double personality. I can't admit that I like a girl because she deserves better than me. I no longer want anyone of my family to talk to me because I will hurt them without knowing. My friends do the best job. They are so good that I feel their compliments are for them to feel better about themselves and not me. I want to make them know but I know they will call an attention seeker. I really don't want to do it but it looks like my next birthday is the last one and I won't see my 20s. I wrote this to try and get off my chest not for responses.,1.5907007575757603,3.0922374261363643,3.26668181818182,92.5404393939394,78.14772727272727,6.738787878787877,21.96060606060606,7.554174236665415,0.6158474242424239,641,18,150,9,15,213,97,176,0.087,0.6890000000000001,0.224,0.9764,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,7,4,8,12,0,0,6,0,15,1,1,3,2,30,36,9,0,5,6,0,2,3,1,4,0,0,0,2,13,3,0,0,11,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,6,30,10,21,31,3,10,0,1,4,0,16,3,0,0,9,105,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605852115663263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563589427047794,0.0,0.16748980477161773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417068003262207,0.2430009462912104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027921686668424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625428525456599,0.0,0.0,0.12950860058934455,0.0,0.13892579931221527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613859742110868,0.0,0.07177480518842129,0.0,0.0,0.11522690349193887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706695387695473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363273604204478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774992535852684,0.11198213928527076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013491739129718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23072735261938165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834029651402252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610401876802034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309149809018917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995395660136746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800844118101793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894639372015826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576098900977356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971096706592504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041995606655126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126843684926292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010674141030633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327125536858703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051481731679056,0.10904497642451748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242835730262867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000083579246242,0.0,0.1502022611398385,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shabadadu,2019/01/03,"I hate this feeling I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a long time now and usually I can just ignore them and for a long period (about 4 months) didn’t even have them thanks to the help of weed, but now I want to die again and the visions I have are graphic and come out of no where sometimes I’ll just be chilling with my family or friends and I suddenly have this image of blowing my brains out and I can even hear the gunshot and it hurts a lot. I don’t want this body and I don’t want this life it’s pointless to me and rundown. And I wish I could escape my own mind but the fucker follows me especially into my nightmares where I’m more awake then I am actually awake. It fucking sucks and I just want it to stfu.",2.079115884115886,3.6555575909090936,3.435194805194808,91.53323176823177,76.98701298701299,6.556643356643357,24.83316683316684,7.321109707123232,0.9304821178821179,575,20,129,7,13,188,89,154,0.183,0.677,0.14,-0.9184,0,0,0,1,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,11,8,4,0,7,0,13,5,2,0,0,34,28,15,2,6,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,17,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,2,20,2,15,23,3,18,0,1,0,2,6,5,3,2,11,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.16926465003999194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266666056398932,0.0,0.19363038949266068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941399746036646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848773254364094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882194383289368,0.0,0.0,0.18001634320632187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912752254041485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635156099384542,0.0,0.08770281165632945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400899566783336,0.16035407051280715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712484649936624,0.0,0.0,0.19549360929026244,0.0,0.11626157572749593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856845225378748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225146526893101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30700006451504186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474631396685101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513761118521345,0.0,0.13844815591142828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154898894939175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972891711546166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969178704007367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770193527647615,0.1011415660603314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103345839865207,0.0,0.4092271886162358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946185122821647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uglylilegg,2019/01/03,"I am going to kill myself soon I am the black sheep to all my family since they discovered my years of alcohol drug abuse which they make fun of me for. I am unable to work and signed off due to my mental health problems, I have loans that I cannot repay and I am behind on rent. I'm 20 years old but I feel like I'm already at an end. I was going to kill myself last friday but my boyfriend called me and made me come and see him. I feel so guilty for having made him take care of me and even more guilty at what it will do to him when I finally end my life. I get the sharpest pain in my stomach when I think about it but I cannot see any other way to carry on. I cannot afford the help I need and I'm unsure if it will even work, I already take medication but I don't feel it has made much difference. I can't see myself holding down a job, the one I'm signed off from was supposed to be like my 'dream job' but still my depression took hold and I couldn't do it anymore. I feel incapable and useless, no good to anyone. It is unfair on him, his family and the few friends I have. I feel like they are better off with the memory of me rather than the burden that is me actually existing and causing them all this labour. ",2.833790356394129,3.2903932113207586,4.35619496855346,90.0526991614256,73.49056603773585,7.70020964360587,22.64675052410901,7.793537801064563,0.7141781970649896,951,21,225,12,18,319,137,265,0.187,0.7090000000000001,0.104,-0.9784,4,1,2,0,1,3,16.0,0,0,4,3,9,15,2,0,9,0,24,7,1,5,2,39,50,19,2,5,7,0,5,3,1,2,6,0,1,0,12,12,1,2,6,1,2,4,7,7,0,1,6,9,48,8,30,40,5,27,0,2,4,0,12,10,0,1,15,154,60,5,0.0,0.12974790212943152,0.1068630468296745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702969228401867,0.0,0.0,0.24168742092079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446852310225481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860153018118184,0.07656984873604114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685005284379236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181890254980953,0.0,0.11164969667413037,0.11249386609669117,0.0,0.09433059415444124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431822870338244,0.0,0.0,0.114411519833051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699336738108824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398141790229584,0.0,0.0,0.14465669686741173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064669294871352,0.0,0.2768501771311995,0.15646366205873574,0.0,0.1199595786421119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460484558509887,0.0,0.057212893870964676,0.0,0.12447071666301995,0.0918492858776534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640083264401906,0.0,0.0,0.07340024162472036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173376237794951,0.0,0.2423065672350277,0.0,0.0,0.08926283023064653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734804086125338,0.1604987834916149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108545466796033,0.07309678063661725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031679355221044,0.11035731145596098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050025362782913,0.0811980616072296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149091877028529,0.0,0.07420478518250719,0.0,0.11652318125282425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047834209390076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617887311806172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058533168130367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745244098880893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467128894497648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016767138937352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166631926920116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692156874490832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594448174599664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103785039538858
suicidewatch,karen255shana,2019/01/03,"I want to die I've been suicidal for a while now.  I'm starting to feel the need to kill myself because I can no longer handle the stress in my life.  I am miserable and in so much emotional, mental, and psychological pain at this point.  I am unemployed with no chance at getting a job any time soon.  I honestly dont want to live to see my 25th birthday, which is in a couple of weeks.",4.173625000000001,4.3259341125000015,5.695000000000004,82.73000000000002,70.375,9.4,28.5,9.3871,2.17495,299,10,66,6,5,102,59,80,0.29,0.607,0.103,-0.9653,3,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,2,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,14,4,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,8,1,13,13,1,12,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,6,43,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228244251972226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650776834508327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477781316405107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324075932977471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624483658157647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189501960294136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322749379000448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699599856880125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221942118502847,0.0,0.24774921241859604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817083642565616,0.0,0.0,0.19773736174343345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256722738457883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461687079613602,0.16604383482182164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382810066876579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168951628478308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844598741216908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585012667189091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25651503988551233,0.0,0.0,0.2449468766024999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057741053825178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641635318335989,0.0,0.17962592679190734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beamer92689,2019/01/03,Why is it so hard to just do it Ive had the thought of suicide constantly buzzing around my head every waking moment for over 10 years. And in that 10 years have expierienced heartbreak in multiple different ways that only makes life harder to live. All the pain and memories are still there years later. I know how id do it if I could ever go through w it but the love I have for the people around me stops me. Or I say that to myself maybe I'm afraid but either way I dont want to live anymore. This life is torture inside and no one around me even knows where I am in my own head.,3.8338414634146334,4.216703065040652,4.604623983739838,89.4342530487805,71.1951219512195,7.776016260162603,25.131097560975608,7.6454224807358475,1.009358536585366,459,12,103,5,8,148,83,123,0.156,0.799,0.045,-0.8825,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,1,4,0,12,7,3,2,2,22,20,9,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,2,13,1,15,17,3,20,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,2,9,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527692936845456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113928685609752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664657912092442,0.0,0.12299082527939695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094218051173664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805372845236408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174396884788636,0.139340740240543,0.1297878970394366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754620417085836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799229821639233,0.0,0.3161851814697599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931604200742806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761029610804808,0.0,0.0,0.2720456363069034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902984929101164,0.0,0.1028249190397242,0.0,0.15475692895375087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438354414926436,0.11715666615969553,0.1639126453206714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067940415402265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250120070865565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301896316341901,0.12878687110989998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684980731996859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229295946402273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085857052143166,0.2445443750370519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899987518887436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975959834784666
suicidewatch,DarkAvarice86,2019/01/03,"Running out of reasons. 32M. 6'5"" and 380lbs. Diabetic type 2. Standing for longer than 15 minutes at a time causes foot ulcers. Hypertension. Tachycardia. Chronic depression. I don't have anymore meds. I lost my job because one of my foot ulcers got out of hand and required major surgery. I've been unable to bear weight on it for 6 months, and require wound dressing changes every 2-3 days. I lost my apartment, my truck, my Independence. My mother graciously allowed me to move in with her. She's taking care of my 5y/o nephew as well. I've struggled with depression since middle school. I've been hospitalized a couple times for it. Over the years I have been able to learn new ways to fight the demons. That brings us to today. 6 months into my new situation. My mom has struggled with depression too. I've learned that the way she copes is with alcohol. I love my mother dearly, but the person she becomes when drinking is on my shit list. She is a horrible, angry bitch when she drinks. A couple of days ago, the Amazon Fire stick remote went missing. My nephew feel asleep with it on the couch, and no matter how hard we look for it, it has sunken into the abyss. It sucks. What it doesn't do however, is warrant tearing the couch apart, moving it into the side table, tipping over a lamp, then throwing the lamp to the ground, shattering it. It also doesn't warrant slipping into a fit of rage, and throwing every breakable object you can get your hands on out the front door. Some of which were mine. I don't have anywhere to go. I don't have any money. I'm looking to the future and all I see is pain. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of crying. I just want it to stop. I'm running out of reasons to continue life. ",2.2385714285714293,4.654828402366867,3.3277650042265456,88.40459763313612,80.06508875739645,5.638005071851225,23.858326289095526,6.868970318607317,0.9055618596787824,1352,48,262,15,35,434,192,338,0.207,0.738,0.055,-0.9957,3,0,3,0,1,0,53.0,2,2,0,4,7,19,5,2,19,0,22,20,6,6,1,38,43,13,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,0,10,0,3,1,15,20,4,3,5,2,1,10,6,15,1,1,8,9,33,4,47,35,3,52,1,7,3,1,18,22,3,1,17,155,48,7,0.10542603951554563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345382298730248,0.1126683741361617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430916571120288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169332208351026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455430237753403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426673515955575,0.11643477774166085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074888735633094,0.1083015835216041,0.1115267708134713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333038149772637,0.11580555398239085,0.13598214761777286,0.0,0.2724098800573514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655476522561345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776519705592939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053306573277113835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550807543475582,0.0,0.05991604780071862,0.0,0.08431883465257699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444102362140504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128607557746043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461907671441603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446552952822619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706264193303248,0.0,0.2301699519019633,0.0,0.0951511167701754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710456330244585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347370329728047,0.1683001178364436,0.22410239110949634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203642251830696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143941282308168,0.0,0.11218073913300193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205395123306363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679105460813444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066967804173585,0.0840109039385402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821831454981083,0.08720950932989123,0.11850328559337295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814088970055342,0.0,0.22042837389784314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926726128318715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294954291053235,0.24234344725238766,0.09993155831749732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681454477133078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062183009600765525,0.16736456597845442,0.0,0.12838051418952673,0.0947906706828288,0.09773099484920336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789091291953099
suicidewatch,-Count_Chocula-,2019/01/03,"Fuck it I don’t want to be alive anymore and I haven’t wanted to for awhile. I’ve posted on here before but it was then that I realized that there’s no helping me, not a fucking chance. Anytime I reachout anywhere else people try to berate me into not killing myself like they think it will work. I realized my existance is pointless, humanity isn’t pointless, I am, I have no fucking future and I don’t matter to anyone or anything. I don’t know mutch but all I know is that I’m a fucking asshole, I don’t deserve to be alive, and I can’t take one more god damned day on this planet.",2.3729268292682946,3.8312164146341487,4.172853658536585,87.05293902439026,75.91056910569105,6.220813008130082,26.934146341463407,6.742157984588678,1.1832673170731711,461,18,95,4,10,156,75,123,0.139,0.711,0.15,0.1017,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,1,2,7,6,0,2,0,15,4,0,0,1,18,26,7,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,1,0,17,1,9,22,2,7,0,0,0,4,3,3,5,1,4,66,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450290175098933,0.13713487960020432,0.0,0.16139383390791487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688758831368372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648414123832066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638369361328027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7252561250982204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145818444191373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698281028778965,0.0,0.21556990079066304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581657233417802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328991038867276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596810241318186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783315179733287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746129028494775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566872374242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331557286237476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313587395626365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278104375408715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,conventionality,2019/01/03,"I just feel empty and I know it’s temporary but it sucks This past year, I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. The meds interact with everything so when I flare up, I can’t take any pain medication. One of the meds also can cause suicidal thoughts which doesn’t help my already severe depression. All I want is to be a good student and get into medical school and be loved by people, but I’m a mediocre student and don’t put energy into friendships because I don’t have energy to put anywhere. I feel like no one other than family would really care, but I can’t even kill myself in my dreams. When I was younger, I tried a lot but sucked at it. This semester I tried to get drunk on top of a high building but I couldn’t do it. I just want to give up everything. ",2.013333333333332,4.105312923566881,3.899643312101912,85.74636518046708,79.0,8.008322717622082,24.47940552016985,8.841846274778883,1.9377018259023355,607,22,125,15,15,205,99,157,0.215,0.5820000000000001,0.203,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,7,0,14,6,0,1,1,26,30,13,2,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,4,2,0,2,7,5,0,2,3,2,17,4,17,23,2,15,0,1,0,1,4,9,2,1,5,84,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007328840126675,0.11600151005104414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864329165290237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842500411041768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147894615512401,0.1490128282428963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493682101627702,0.14722914102992335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580835059024774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607345867543755,0.0,0.1367462163450777,0.0,0.14668969722636385,0.10362828485498528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157191095815448,0.13915126783425902,0.0,0.1216663835604635,0.11601481360814295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722821321484706,0.15325999708026494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048335850811785,0.0,0.07971917597127318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086720514187299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332172082912712,0.1309190185346231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222498067051029,0.2922580222422652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965878726169444,0.0,0.15435018278613236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847269878327803,0.10056380824039436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916433915650668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292681168020203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680476958335772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387238595229267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866810243103766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906432211602994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151585383165584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696747872139672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111598608189954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030438686045624,0.0,0.0,0.09341153302817064
suicidewatch,sbdmane,2019/01/03,"Is it possible to live without any friends, family or relationships? As above. Slowly my friends have all gone. I don't talk to my family much at all and I've never had a girlfriend. Outside of work I have limited human interaction. It seems impossibly hard to do everything alone. What's the point of success if there's no one to share it with? 

I wanted to have a connection with someone. At this point I don't think it's possible. I'm tired of copying humans and learning their ways to try and mimic what they do. It doesn't feel right. I'm almost ready to die.

 Of course I'm sure people will be upset if I kill myself but every day is hard. I've battled so much(PTSD, severe anxiety) it's hard to motivate me to go further because it's been years and I keep fighting hoping it gets better. I guess instead of motivation what I'm looking for is actual help. How can I improve my circumstances? I'm going to check out the free therapy sessions(anonymous) my work offers. But the situation which causes my anxiety/depression will always be there, and is always has. I don't remember ever being normal. I don't even understand how normal people think.",2.5602827380952395,5.152268986607143,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,80.11607142857143,7.661904761904763,25.404761904761905,8.59863814320734,2.2763369047619046,919,36,164,22,24,312,131,224,0.134,0.721,0.14400000000000002,0.8539,0,1,0,0,2,1,28.0,0,0,2,7,8,12,3,1,5,0,23,1,0,5,5,39,42,14,2,6,6,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,13,8,0,2,9,0,2,3,8,4,0,1,3,5,19,9,23,34,3,15,0,0,1,0,14,7,0,7,4,107,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.11402750989260195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700712950728527,0.12102004990073885,0.0,0.0,0.19445501643582835,0.0,0.0,0.07946114682902572,0.0,0.0893889625755048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122990440849067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334321064555213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200358384843982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535776752956018,0.0,0.10064164438123753,0.0,0.12127053906967016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717748755269209,0.10569637067702037,0.09845009902480613,0.0,0.10501610872027904,0.0,0.2203091764931027,0.0,0.05908223141328265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180554085872049,0.0,0.06104864137229728,0.0,0.1328156579538075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128722055431932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31402054584341793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832124411839275,0.0,0.0,0.1160571593500678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038605246935982,0.12927581288446918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103179573922609,0.0,0.0981235084363036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179453027452504,0.0,0.09012094805863463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289739022607783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917972701979073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620164006771736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091964716801893,0.26345878411674417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658991842087406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545181215349746,0.13236683864728702,0.09978818138398808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637469996660452,0.0,0.13200581107123638,0.0,0.0,0.1313428741004427,0.0,0.0,0.0990055541205176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101285500491393,0.0,0.0,0.0939185871777074,0.0,0.0,0.13362671213440575,0.0,0.0,0.14974390270277874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430043193383684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933262102757192,0.0,0.0,0.12164365420327515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892041144922234,0.09274908711650387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263801094642092,0.0,0.17013454173002088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524675441279699
suicidewatch,leviathon756,2019/01/03,Can't do it anymore I have found my greatest love but everything else is too much. I am about to start yet another shift at work which I feel has to be my last. Each gets harder than the shift before. And I no longer create to express... I just don't know how to do it. Sorry ,-0.2916464891041137,1.8164409491525435,1.6971428571428575,97.90711864406781,88.66101694915254,4.727360774818402,16.90314769975787,6.18269132825596,-0.4818445520581109,212,5,50,2,7,70,46,59,0.07200000000000001,0.795,0.133,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,8,15,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,7,13,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213281270264663,0.0,0.0,0.30390525567902177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607571133363176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25599055601160825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27540771385142043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494482209499946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359946685018501,0.0,0.0,0.16010178780155973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841092144825695,0.2497887755229652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27657326205256283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22526800607852435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34303349646480885,0.21689918015090295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230913226361814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Macabrie,2019/01/03,"I just want to be done. I'm sick, I can't work, I depend on the help of others and I constantly feel like a burden to everyone I love.  I'm constantly thinking of suicide... not a day goes by where it doesn't cross my mind atleast 10 times. I think about how easy it would be for me to get super fucked up on edibles and drive my car into a wall going 90 mph. I just want to stop hurting... stop dealing with bullshit and feel like nothingness. I'm so empty and lonely all the time. I can barely leave my bed. I think my husband is starting to not love me anymore and I fear we will be breaking up within the soon future. I don't blame him because who wants to be married to someone whos sick all the time? Not only that but we're young he should be able to be with some cutie that isnt puking constantly. I wouldn't want to touch me with a 10 ft pole so. Im also in a living condition that I jusy.. really want no part of. Anyways I basically dont want to be here anymore.


Whoever is reading this... stay safe don't do anything stupid. ",1.5295645933014368,3.078660463636364,3.5148803827751216,90.48600478468904,78.45454545454545,6.4497607655502405,23.397129186602868,7.273561745256523,0.8127727272727276,802,26,179,10,19,272,128,220,0.106,0.722,0.172,0.8884,0,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,0,2,11,12,2,1,9,0,22,5,0,2,2,39,43,10,1,9,6,1,3,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,8,10,0,3,5,1,0,4,12,6,0,0,1,3,23,6,26,31,4,28,0,2,0,3,10,9,1,2,15,113,31,2,0.12176552506716698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737584640354092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415173629880027,0.0,0.0,0.10020265203515152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422713389420227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947558238069727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852869025776864,0.12553490963798564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460840823103422,0.1427082885164096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635217734861697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702006853162396,0.12313661623724488,0.17397863087577284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125702658210652,0.06361746116088418,0.0,0.06920215398329732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161686474541245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035251299889314,0.0,0.13152766214154954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893210949226427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897696986714584,0.0,0.10752118948214276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979628083324307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294846886852938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260816877828454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318601976839469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179847654755477,0.0,0.07800611334249329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317153424534643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618626536625884,0.12978584830296405,0.0,0.2036028625108803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319172107903904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406729535989584,0.0,0.0,0.213007370637236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309227691235089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864675246930181,0.0,0.0,0.0864987353841279,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shizjiz,2019/01/03,"Don’t you hate when things mess up I wanted to be a new me in new year last year everything was shit I was surprised I didn’t kill myself last year.

So my plans was to be new me forgot get my pass and move on, be who I want to be. 

I have a good job and awesome boss (I work at home so it helps)

I was playing to do CrossFit n MMA

I was planing to ask a girl out (my fiancée left me 6mnths ago)

But of course life is a bitch,

I work but not much to do so I get little hours (we r a small company) so I got make much, and I am behind on so many bills (I was laid off for months be4 I got this job) so everything is adding up n I can’t take it anymore....

Can’t afford the gyms cuz of all the bill and stuff (Ontario is expensive)

I’m afraid of asking the girl out cuz I have so much trust issues....

Home I get bossed around and told to do everything even pay major bills.... 

I really wished I ended my life last year, I really didn’t want to feel like this again this year but 3 days in and the feel cane back and kicked me in the nuts...



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suicidewatch,evanstaruiala,2019/01/03,highschool I’m going to fail highschool now due to my depression I’ve tried to manage school but I can’t. I think this is the end...,-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142853,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,94.71428571428572,4.228571428571429,17.714285714285715,5.985473137389443,-0.3099571428571428,104,3,23,1,4,34,22,28,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,4,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450651134361089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576759071392868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29367373832537896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229657749901176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311044222922224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508307340753525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,B52StratoFortress,2019/01/03,"screw life  NOTE - THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE ON THIS SUBREDDIT WITH MUCH MORE IMPORTANT PROBLEMS (ABUSE, NEGLECT, ETC.) . HELP THEM FIRST. THEY NEED IT MUCH MORE THAN I DO. I'LL SAVE YOU SOME TIME AND CLASSIFY THIS AS THE ""EDGY TEENAGER"" POST.

Anyways, this is going to be quick. You should probably skip to the tl;dr section, you won't care about any of this below, it's probably incoherent and dumb, anyways.

Anyways... one of the causes of this... er... problem is that I've realized this: ""Your life does not matter. You will never be important or useful. You're just a waste of resources"" (not aimed at the reader). So why try at life, anyways? There's no reason, anyways.... I've completely ruined my only friendship, and started a monitoring / ""family safety"" arms race with my over-controlling parents, and just have come to the ""end of an iteration"" (I do almost everything in ""leaps"", or iterations, and at the end of one natrually comes lots of suckish stuff. Bad luck that the rest also came with the end of ""iteration""). The friendship part is too easily identifiable to me, I won't discuss it. Anyways, my parents are just literally beyond stalker level - they're extremely over-controlling (at home, I'm not allowed to talk to any other peers/children, no social media, no web browsing, no games, etc), and now they've installed 5 (five) enteprise grade monitoring software. Fine. They've had 2 installed just 2 years ago, and I defeated them with ease. Now, that many... that's a problem. Plus, I can't just bypass blocking (that's easy), it's not enough - if they find out I even thought of bypassing it, I would be screwed. Physically. Also, they don't even allow me to pursue my own interests - which most other asian parents would find perfectly fine - programming, higher mathematics, machine learning and engineering. However, a few things - first of all, my dad's highly egotistical and would NOT allow me to learn by myself, and second of all, I'm kind of embarrased / reluctant. What if I turn out to be incompetent in those things? etc. Especially during the summers.... I'm not allowed to see ANYONE, at all, not allowed to leave the house, even, without them following me, and there are no good books in our house. So nothing to do. Nobody to talk to (yeah, I have a \*\*really\*\* dumb older sister (literally really dumb), an annoying younger sister, an egotistical and rarely - present dad, and a mom who doesn't want to talk). So over the years, I've moved my life online and into the digital world. Problem is, all of this blocking and monitoring.... gaah. It's quickly making me very paranoid, and destroyed my (already very distant) relationship with my dad - now it's almost hatred (I thank and respect them for providing for me. But still tho... overcontrolling, stalking, etc). An even worse part is that I can retaliate against my parents - easily. Let's just say that I have a specific set of skills... cyber skills... that I have developed at times of anger / paranoia (which I spend 30% of my day in). And I've tested them. Very little stops me from completely draining their bank accounts, deleting emails, etc, and ruining them completely (yeah, for the bank, you might need an ID... then I'll lock them out of their account. Good enough). That would be illegal though... and that would screw me over. But every day, it becomes more tempting. So now, at home, I'm just stuck in the endless cycle of tunnel vision (concentrating on one of my interests - best time of my day at home), paranoia and loneliness + existential crisis (kinda?). School actually turns out to be, by far, THE best part of my day (by a lot) - kids complain that the school stalks them. Not even close. At school, you can have social interaction, relaxed control and monitoring, etc. It really would be nice to just go to sleep one day and not wake up (I'm such a sissy that I can't even force myself to go through the pain/discomfort of suicide.... oOf)

tl;dr:

Basically, I've realized that my life doesn't matter, and I'm just a waste of resources - and I will never be useful. Plus, my life has hit the lowest it has in quite a while.

Yeah, I'm anonymous. Obviously. This is a throwaway account. At school I'm known as the ""nerd who can screw you over if you provoke him, but he just minds his own business"", and I'm definitely not known for showing emotion or weakness...",4.296300629409951,6.532279556946187,5.06801436578332,79.3521824381927,72.57947434292866,8.08620195534273,28.97645607734306,8.841846274778883,2.520664457383324,3382,139,603,69,69,1093,353,799,0.111,0.813,0.075,-0.9295,10,0,0,0,1,1,239.0,1,9,13,10,44,39,10,0,37,3,49,14,3,12,8,132,80,49,1,17,30,10,0,0,0,12,7,1,3,1,42,42,0,5,10,4,6,8,25,22,1,8,4,2,66,17,93,54,31,78,0,4,1,4,52,36,7,15,32,422,108,10,0.0,0.06348923773843412,0.052291044974696485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749970104836757,0.0,0.10731489404948504,0.0,0.059132170437414464,0.08570350658556855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287901676518374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03746774514434112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474107821064199,0.0,0.059180212832100565,0.0,0.0,0.112467904600375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128674762023732,0.054633285157062894,0.05504636060784755,0.0,0.0923171383889458,0.16854796174938394,0.0,0.18029976287321006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278884783121162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689242843710497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027569906600201,0.14238071085440404,0.1107348659518505,0.35856736672759393,0.212353570280696,0.0,0.04514751361946091,0.0,0.04815857216676805,0.0,0.05051499005454738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979510913567969,0.09115842422740968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136044735977852,0.08988879282802607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03591676870367905,0.05661529390131621,0.1612498007642079,0.0,0.0,0.12365935288681112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055800333886558466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673857688059954,0.0,0.0547940988289936,0.22709121647038755,0.0,0.053706056974306186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911117787050532,0.0,0.0,0.03576827684753483,0.10865317398500954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684501559930229,0.054105382908263035,0.06275788198362445,0.0,0.0569521729644582,0.07878200196999025,0.07946491546566645,0.08265581792560213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141607049983556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524181649062548,0.040753662719785824,0.0570180159770081,0.0,0.237998361211183,0.17408138267288392,0.0,0.03714896037994685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131943588471508,0.0,0.11554697668419747,0.2050937059901492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699404144657962,0.0,0.0,0.10298340443980793,0.055094109340213034,0.0,0.057530032512806126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042612791743700425,0.0,0.2169227543890395,0.042700156016367265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536235084283733,0.10924593164483473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792760440197892,0.0,0.042792898579632685,0.04479930062874225,0.0,0.0,0.061341787533154474,0.0586130851039542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292083218522011,0.0,0.0493336938116092,0.0,0.0,0.07119873365559215,0.0,0.05264680387731867,0.04254035375338966,0.0937372010946606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036380568671722464,0.11656977228855035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256014261691624,0.0,0.13263924061127852,0.031605709342949484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048351956548662124,0.0,0.0,0.05165384477664359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054607499390016793,0.2283906701128521,0.0,0.0,0.06901372173970087
suicidewatch,empifer,2019/01/03,I found an oldish journal entry. [decided against it because I saw a kid and his dad walking to the skate park.](https://i.imgur.com/mLBqCHa.jpg),8.893913043478264,12.303872521739136,5.8254347826086965,73.77989130434786,62.91304347826088,8.078260869565218,41.934782608695656,8.841846274778883,4.545191304347826,120,7,15,2,2,33,22,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485918672957169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8740040293222587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ariavash,2019/01/03,Impulses I have these impulses. I want to hurt my self so bad. Just casually when im in the car. I just want to beat the shit out of myself. Or i have these fantasies of death. Do you guys have this as well?,-1.142666666666667,0.8990355111111121,1.495000000000001,97.7025,93.88888888888887,5.666666666666668,16.38888888888889,7.1686216300943375,-0.08477777777777762,158,4,40,3,6,54,32,45,0.217,0.588,0.196,-0.6283,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,6,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,2,7,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892555352747109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430212989481029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708617053181261,0.0,0.37420508401503216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614032376084148,0.0,0.3556065915485133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086681295739208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114832036734697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thanksforpie,2019/01/03,"Still here  I didn’t think I was going to make it past the new year. Now my birthday is in a couple days. My divorce is final and I love my two kids but I don’t see them enough. The whole thing is a disaster. I don’t know how to keep going. It seems like everything I worked for is destroyed, and I have myself to blame. I pray and nothing happens. I can’t get out of bed before noon. If I had had a gun I probably would’ve used it, still I wonder if there is another way out. Thanks for listening.
",0.1821464646464648,2.037370564814818,2.4427946127946143,95.03621212121212,84.0925925925926,5.779124579124581,19.077441077441076,6.980632752743323,0.10808148148148168,383,10,91,5,11,130,72,108,0.14800000000000002,0.735,0.116,-0.6705,0,0,0,1,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,0,5,0,13,1,0,3,0,16,28,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,2,17,3,9,24,2,15,1,0,1,1,5,3,0,4,10,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061277302466374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279685216599968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116888508773851,0.0,0.12338377137918027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976818173713077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719435696445143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957864899819525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995534444587144,0.0,0.21745995553968392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691811745097814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005152427173315,0.0,0.0,0.10514293371084474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346792364223414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267124903843745,0.0,0.12770572142174688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477535090596015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835740201811103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826339222846265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062723076995838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524550442319436,0.17416800008121244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30557233764065345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613918013065633,0.0,0.0,0.12710265138798355,0.12258834133626904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688911197636512,0.0,0.0,0.16523664025218118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185869400817134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135988295296664,0.0,0.0,0.20747535018431829,0.13928120543303085,0.0,0.0,0.1359062548501838,0.0,0.0,0.12320200886858805
suicidewatch,CoffieCayke,2019/01/03,"Why do I feel this way? I think I've really screwed up my life. I just got myself fired from a job that was probably the best I could have had in my position. And with what little experience I have, and with as long as I have been out of school, I don't think I'll be getting a job that I can really support myself with. I've looked at some trucker jobs that might be promising but that just seems like a sad life. I'm also tens of thousands of dollars in student debt so ironically I don't think I could afford any more schooling.

I've burned a lot of bridges with my friends as well, most of which were at the job I was just fired from. I don't think I have anyone I can turn to for help. Even my family seems like a lost cause for me after disappointing them like this.

A lot of this grief is pushing me down; I can't even do my hobbies anymore. Everything seems pretty empty and meaningless.

I've struggled with feelings and thoughts of suicide from high school and all the way though college. But for the first time it's starting to seem like a viable option. The thing is too that it doesn't even scare me anymore, the thought of doing it. I've written a note, and I have access to a few ways of doing it, most namely my step fathers gun. I know it's wrong and I can't figure out why I feel like this is actually an option. Even though they are disappointed, my family still supports me it seems. And I know they and my friends would be overwhelmed by my death.

Why do I feel this way? Why is this something a human would ever feel?",3.087075471698113,4.302231496855349,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,73.65408805031447,6.935220125786164,24.885220125786162,7.333567415737692,0.9258088050314464,1208,37,264,13,24,390,151,318,0.173,0.6859999999999999,0.141,-0.9444,6,0,1,1,0,1,28.0,0,0,3,3,16,22,1,3,17,0,36,3,0,1,2,56,64,18,3,4,5,1,7,5,2,3,2,0,0,1,20,16,0,0,19,0,2,2,6,10,1,3,10,8,39,12,36,46,9,23,0,6,1,1,9,10,1,13,12,186,59,9,0.0,0.0,0.0782772907891967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414710501481351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454826912064537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910146323440713,0.05608749229047369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417964182122645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824018716449924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808870025127894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119223559729297,0.07255815329687065,0.0,0.0,0.07209116894326316,0.07846468165236715,0.15123723641884002,0.0,0.20279303709990928,0.05730489601534211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682299855031279,0.0,0.0,0.12394627135412815,0.0,0.04190850311021956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415446168348025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537657518488427,0.08475049266989497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31840006214938626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816703076491765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331503763169355,0.1959425376592819,0.08039549871212594,0.0,0.07098686381553464,0.06735955569282376,0.0,0.08756305409595516,0.1363901448033318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509437549270997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160647315769014,0.08648425651178099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277428190234254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030820518610958,0.24354254441158585,0.0,0.3651190545922677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061752654364166874,0.0,0.0,0.05677588046190221,0.0,0.06405900221446,0.0,0.0,0.08385708676743933,0.0,0.08774109427253393,0.18205178812047945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329061582990195,0.2055915634185936,0.15761969102819984,0.1273619084354015,0.04677342714801199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724979551543434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546805510175276,0.0,0.0,0.07212201728510342,0.0,0.28952262589647715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396344508965316,0.087701414327996,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__The_Senate__,2019/01/03,"I Have No Idea How To Do It I know I won't be able to cut so deep or much that I would die. I'd probably freak out and hang on to still live. 

I'm afraid of jumping. What if I don't die and get to live as a disabled man.

I can't take medicine as I know I would just wake up after some hours of sleep.

I can't do the garage trick as I don't have a car.

I'm not able to die. I don't know. My physical body holds on to me. I just want to break free and leave this shitty life. ",-2.3854448160535107,-0.8923503739130414,0.4808695652173931,107.37093645484951,91.8695652173913,4.234113712374582,13.193979933110368,5.369823440869387,-1.5948795986622075,357,5,109,2,13,123,68,115,0.23,0.7290000000000001,0.041,-0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,3,0,13,4,3,1,0,19,21,10,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,0,1,3,8,4,0,0,0,0,14,2,17,17,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,3,65,18,0,0.35819499167039925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893694323260686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576247744868683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357104959735148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637495695443287,0.0,0.0,0.20217927297582272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952818997206163,0.0,0.0,0.18963838845253508,0.0,0.0,0.12650185785060125,0.0,0.0,0.3162927400814239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165726666085814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309739205360832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922683790478938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302749152365712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346590279097028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563634329971296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544514449662746,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redditor_2782733,2019/01/03,"I wanna die but I’m too scared, I tried short drop suspension (which pretty much means that I tried to hang my self from my door knob) I wanna die before school starts because it gives me so much anxiety, also before this year I used to be a straight A student but this year depression got in the way and now I’ve failed two classes and it’s only the first semester! I’m in special ed for math I can tell my dad is disappointed in that and I wanted to go into special ed for chemistry but my dad wants me to be a doctor and he doesn’t want me to go into special ed for chemistry. I feel like a pussy writing this because these are not real problems but they make me wanna die, and yea I hate myself I feel like there’s no place for me in the world.",0.956863207547169,2.9662142893081764,2.757323113207548,92.99372051886795,82.20754716981132,5.232861635220126,20.62932389937107,6.322622252153567,0.128751257861635,588,17,129,5,16,195,92,159,0.23,0.623,0.147,-0.9627,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,1,1,7,1,6,1,0,2,0,26,22,11,3,7,5,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,1,2,21,5,19,19,2,20,0,3,0,0,8,10,0,0,7,82,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157727011033858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074883015221024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650117772495152,0.0,0.2463776068113514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246903874782314,0.0,0.4507459292599816,0.0,0.0,0.1481784654546813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640035689588093,0.20684776332814195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314148418884713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887679679380036,0.1645525165576877,0.0,0.11578597841968052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293063083989851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414548440845669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663525308193392,0.0,0.0,0.15769722196617347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284555392821847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010428396451268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125407819967762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728337035326775,0.0,0.1385255590334356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478021665496187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494025619727918,0.14651520227664927,0.0,0.0,0.15102692372548626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246911434396673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653556254690426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965789672140092,0.0,0.14141947935481067,0.0,0.0,0.12503499742540805,0.0,0.0,0.25616769861815125,0.11491187054734907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645456405042904
suicidewatch,virginityyslayer,2019/01/03,"I think about killing myself everyday I have wanted to kill myself for years. 2 years ago my friend killed himself, and I envy him.  I hate being alive 90% of the time, I have chronic physical illness that prevents me from being able to eat food I like, play sports, or have energy. Ever day I feel numb or sad. There is no happiness and no joy. I failed a class that was mandatory for my major and because I have to retake it I am going to be a whole semester behind in school. I have lost 15 pounds in the last 2 months, I am losing all my hair, and my skin is breaking out because I am unable to take care of myself. Not a single person in my life has noticed that I haven’t been myself for months. I just want to kill myself. I will literally pay someone to kill me because I’m too scared to do it myself. I just want to die.",3.28963178294574,4.047667691860465,4.81860465116279,86.0448062015504,72.66279069767441,7.36124031007752,24.21705426356589,7.492282038375204,1.0053705426356587,641,17,136,7,12,216,103,172,0.28300000000000003,0.5770000000000001,0.14,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,5,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,18,6,1,5,0,19,8,2,0,2,18,30,6,6,3,5,0,3,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,2,2,1,1,4,12,0,0,3,3,32,6,21,23,4,16,0,4,0,0,4,4,0,2,11,99,37,4,0.1255672563665585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130779647424048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296339020237516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280241864846535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098049243649287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031898759538735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848665116290706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135827722446484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349057769283924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183642482371268,0.0,0.09701295078575614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136276549167371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366867931584606,0.0,0.12397166939259592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6946078241639574,0.0,0.0,0.10235407317720123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869186663664377,0.061345818813590226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047764101391494,0.13707149339556918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004531721005658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295915362749834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096404849044182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571472900790848,0.12708076715883174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639272883823653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441094974978416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045842769610025,0.0,0.0,0.07321927697246712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218846342128235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019135746801806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172239243169914
suicidewatch,music_head72,2019/01/03,"Support and Suggestions I'm not planning on ending my life right now but I want to. I'm trying to fight it and some days are easier than others. I understand that my thoughts are lying to me but it gets so hard sometimes to fight back. My sister and my friends would be devastated if I killed myself and that helps to keep me here, but I still want to die. 


I don't think I'll live to thirty (26 ATM) but I'm searching and trying to keep going. I want someone to rob the place where I work so I can sacrifice myself to stop them. Help me to keep going. I almost shot myself on Monday but I couldn't figure out how to get the gun to work. I called the hotline, made an emergency appointment with my therapist and I'm still here but I very nearly wasn't. 


Why don't I feel better? My life isn't even that bad but I want to end it. I want a woman but that seems selfish. I don't love myself so no one will love me. I get it, but I'm never going to fully love myself. I don't understand why people are so much happier than me even in shitty situations. I'm loved and cared for by my friends and family. Why do I still want to end this? 


I don't think I'll win in this fight, so I'd rather kill myself sooner rather than later so the people in my life can grieve and get over it and on with their lives. I'm going to lose this fight, I know it.


Can someone please talk to me? I don't like to tell these things to my sister because it makes her sad. Some help would be lovely. But I'm still here, at least today. ",0.472887205387206,2.4003243302469173,2.515634118967455,94.51398989898992,83.47530864197532,5.4087542087542095,16.60830527497194,6.574015621080383,-0.3610543209876539,1169,22,270,12,33,392,144,324,0.265,0.588,0.147,-0.9954,0,0,0,1,4,2,31.0,0,0,2,6,21,23,6,0,6,0,21,8,0,3,1,56,63,28,4,12,14,2,2,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,17,13,0,4,9,0,1,4,12,11,0,1,3,2,46,12,37,54,4,32,1,3,0,5,24,13,0,5,16,177,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501087849287056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652796283329265,0.07088444520386973,0.05175169046730576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508343431931774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668810164510864,0.0,0.08655692403725034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054750766435566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810843497339832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255774357768256,0.0,0.0,0.11214574777374453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003220279219572,0.0,0.042925866286203575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118056583470314,0.0,0.17741820197484834,0.0,0.19299295363978286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604995974567957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071159155505766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263778578821605,0.1878492441865162,0.0,0.046656510346579166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989323831657755,0.04147579863502871,0.0,0.1499290899386594,0.0,0.0,0.09497668242266956,0.0,0.0,0.3831088610992249,0.08033045673233989,0.05666860437066665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240817974257756,0.0,0.06547687305326015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752758982399433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177121138670603,0.0,0.08869803972759327,0.09319009243978284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250054760236256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728594600736298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542643391112267,0.0,0.0,0.14386386824291073,0.0,0.08396411497080615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119157568815355,0.07097668848388268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963387454739621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823602661143001,0.07420266935825734,0.0,0.0,0.0985705647845164,0.05640099586596797,0.10879559879230732,0.0,0.06739778063435534,0.0,0.0,0.08047128986905867,0.0,0.0,0.11527734822818556,0.0,0.0,0.17675903939271526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004792433125226,0.3004424472967017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22981575890978184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361030405032272,0.0,0.0,0.12061507819480607,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkanystories,2019/01/03,"i can't get better I've been really depressed for a few years now, and it was really bad but I somehow still managed to get through it until this past month. It's like every day just gets worse and worse and it's starting to affect me in every way. 


I can't sleep, I can't eat, sometimes I get this really bad feeling of dread all around my body and I can't even breathe. It's too much and I can't handle it anymore. My head constantly feels like it's about to explode from all of this overthinking, I constantly have this knot in my neck keeping me in constant pain. I'm stressed by everything and I feel like I'm about to cry from anything.


Talking to someone about it isn't an option for me so I started writting down everything I feel a couple of weeks ago just to get it off my chest. But it's not helping at all. I was re-reading through it and it just makes me realise how shitty my life is and I hate it even more.",1.1981498388829228,3.1404886377551016,2.821933404940925,93.20426960257791,80.98979591836735,5.758968850698174,24.091299677765843,6.8360192770164,0.7402081632653069,727,27,161,8,19,239,102,196,0.229,0.7140000000000001,0.057,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,15,11,1,2,3,0,11,9,6,3,3,28,27,13,0,0,6,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,17,9,1,1,4,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,4,22,4,27,24,6,22,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,2,17,108,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049236849691398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738655877479814,0.0,0.0,0.09740454563591153,0.1053702001236457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976601406637433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468447729533104,0.0,0.1314771500579912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837324748805985,0.0,0.0,0.13096893846760474,0.13001870951149855,0.07633581785098728,0.0,0.10194784805290824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111723829225687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635831116435744,0.0,0.19945571831387615,0.0,0.21275817502279676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939618187999406,0.1691203690384141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092048849521651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686121544466448,0.12147693261239086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933775668897171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520850543785676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360490252326389,0.17348190076318706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900974804069211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944780426293496,0.0,0.08701210506062215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259490104968267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299305953362272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839731809791774,0.0,0.2274835008643337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845076876482814,0.0,0.10029052337060394,0.0,0.11706629520837547,0.0,0.16755911839761609,0.0,0.09452667091343804,0.0,0.13558703608082304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513753390859488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395285518766898,0.09494549336310147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24124867889658125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622336392170942
suicidewatch,theresnopointt,2019/01/03,No point She was my happiness. She was my world. She was all i wanted. I was going to kill myself before i met her. She changed that. I didnt even know it was possible to be so happy. It doesnt last. Things change. People love other people. That didnt happen to me. She saved my life. More times than i can count. I made it so hard for her. I made her cry so much. I did so many nice things for her and then made her cry. I hate seeing her cry. It tears me apart. Now shes gone. She saved my life but she isnt in it anymore. I should have died on that hospital bed. I should have died that day. I want to kill myself. I want to commit suicide and not be saved this time. Shes moved on now. Shes gets sad still. But not because she misses me. Because she knows im hurting but doesn’t love me anymore so she cant keep coming back. I want her back. I want it to be different. I want to marry her. I want to be a parent with her. But thats not my choice. She likes someone else now. I lost her. And my happiness left with her.,-2.1072140444015446,-0.34475415624999783,0.3094739382239382,103.62674227799229,103.95535714285714,3.314478764478765,11.857625482625485,5.229147296764682,-1.5393693050193047,775,13,196,5,37,257,102,224,0.192,0.631,0.177,-0.8712,2,0,0,0,0,5,35.0,0,0,0,1,12,17,3,0,1,0,24,4,0,3,2,33,49,13,5,9,7,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,15,6,0,1,2,0,0,4,10,7,0,0,14,2,55,10,16,29,3,22,0,4,1,2,29,7,0,0,12,135,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633133627240754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522253860531956,0.0,0.12067962489176035,0.0,0.08422821183113348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942418863731305,0.08526607116315155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261882865283405,0.06383658095337673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545981757073467,0.1034173576390004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268854683440892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537809032098868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051715127249856635,0.0,0.056254967329800565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753134728870343,0.3161113699611817,0.08867034614975627,0.0977263445923353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596456812428164,0.0,0.10691985597043356,0.0,0.0,0.08798165086117114,0.21902256834441985,0.0,0.10879818835948528,0.08068528458762265,0.0,0.0,0.10754655673459214,0.0,0.13983084948257954,0.048358650472717896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805288065404917,0.0,0.17867410023783495,0.2809835572028394,0.0,0.100354380852618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520447487061804,0.0727647314851463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991017246574508,0.0,0.0,0.13724627754592236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357200593223952,0.11158974417301784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887754332743069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838689398271938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904886133267315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082725823781394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152132738401526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543689501434293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086838687418312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sociallyanxiousliz,2019/01/03,Alone I’m alone and sad and people hate me,-3.749333333333333,-4.685494599999997,-1.3099999999999987,110.3916666666667,145.0,1.3333333333333337,3.333333333333333,3.1291,-3.260666666666667,34,0,9,0,3,11,8,10,0.684,0.316,0.0,-0.8689,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8641282114016241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118707216042366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892143546662844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway36032,2019/01/03,"I don’t know who to talk to. I used to talk to my partner but this feeling became too frequent, and I don’t want to rehash the same things. 

I’m 23 and useless. My doctor says that I’m young and it’s okay that I don’t have any money, but it feels bad all the time. And work is bad, which is why I have such a hard time going, which is why I don’t have any money. It’s my own fault.

I work with my aunt in a small office. She’s an office administrator. I’m the assistant to the office administrator, which means I sit in the back room for six hours a day and unstaple papers for scanning. I only have this job because she works here. My bosses don’t care about or talk to me. And my aunt was never nice to me. 

I don’t get paid a lot and sometimes I think I should be paid more, but then I realize that what I do with my life requires no skill. I probably shouldn’t even be paid at all.

Work is lonely. Home is lonely too. I have roommates, and they’re my friends. But I avoid them, because they’re older, they make more money, and I don’t deserve to share a space with them. So I mostly just stay out of their way, in my room. 

I’m not a real adult. I went to college and graduated with a degree in something useless. I can’t afford to pay back my student loans, my mother pays them for me. 

She does a lot for me, but only because she doesn’t know that we don’t agree about things. I’m lucky to have been born in such a generous family. Unlucky to be born into a family that is only generous if you conform. I’m sorry I’m not cisgender, or straight or Christian. I’m sorry for myself and my family.

I’ll get disowned eventually, but I can’t afford it right now. Not with rent costing my whole paycheck and utilities coming from whoever I can beg to. 

What’s funny is that I have skills. I graduated with honors, and I’m good at a lot of things. What’s funnier is that it doesn’t matter at all. My skills aren’t concrete and I have nothing to show for them. There is always someone better.

Some days are okay, and some aren’t. Most aren’t if I’m thinking about my situations clearly. I feel okay if I forget. 

I wish I could say I am ready to die, but to die is to gamble. I might come back again, and I don’t want to.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I feel so stupid. All the time. ",0.6156423964697879,2.4430810814663992,2.8429595213849304,92.89923901052276,82.38085539714868,5.55806177868296,19.597802104548546,6.6274283507984215,0.04922705363204338,1765,46,407,18,48,601,203,491,0.126,0.7340000000000001,0.14,0.7423,8,5,1,0,0,0,61.0,1,1,6,10,18,20,1,1,18,3,48,2,0,3,6,86,84,32,2,9,17,3,5,0,2,3,2,2,4,2,25,27,0,2,11,1,12,4,23,9,0,1,6,8,67,11,47,71,16,41,1,4,1,0,26,16,0,15,18,272,92,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681931234714087,0.0,0.0,0.12556427228474953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129697928016417,0.1541700526738757,0.16883593055626556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165131990983521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412844736057156,0.0,0.0,0.15905448256206686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371161676724976,0.0,0.0,0.11908012429284705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916313518684352,0.0,0.0,0.09449549450004928,0.08079161758371364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060977820280963074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610989382351587,0.0,0.18672313925522452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132775987157237,0.0,0.09646888490520858,0.0,0.052468728757694816,0.07743532609922453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270239166093858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926065086482307,0.0,0.09091858804520613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161535449177813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221329525166374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520976956974375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354666273804861,0.0,0.0,0.06162566198870208,0.0,0.0,0.10056573959820836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979390685214554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120442953675475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858546345177155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064515807762624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953874713211903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508266507455558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884249647855655,0.0,0.14683634392486686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377381314225724,0.0,0.0,0.07822414381987093,0.07107399768944804,0.09130883362728118,0.206693874837371,0.0,0.098402984289176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226148159871436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400393369462315,0.11831243898612186,0.0,0.0,0.1615011283615883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973657896423472,0.0,0.0,0.10890783300431796,0.07328091837081682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558343295635426,0.2499187766406723,0.10307423287877904,0.10616576116434936,0.0,0.0,0.2688461062460525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrMint_,2019/01/03,"Where to start? Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

How do I start to get help? I really don't want to live, but I know i shouldn't kill myself. I have suicide thoughts daily and have even written a suicide note. Am i overreacting?",-0.14897142857142498,2.165216560000001,1.5917142857142856,96.37300000000002,93.4,4.457142857142856,17.142857142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.3565142857142853,188,5,42,2,7,61,36,50,0.299,0.5820000000000001,0.119,-0.8893,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,14,4,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,4,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460907616639403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020844259339748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670485532420204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757277128909309,0.0,0.13696613947044822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006798719700466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038441344715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868621335248735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965828163754606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789841259450029,0.3528018623032352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452178144669245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978547849762325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699785672497606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27248562285446914,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KnownMove,2019/01/03,"Suicidal friend has gone MIA and I don't know what to do. Please help Re: Advice

I have created this account for the sole purpose of needing advice on this matter 

I am writing this because I am in a state of shock and despair and am feeling very helpless on how to go about this. Anyway, I have this friend who I am very strongly attached to. He has been severely depressed this past year and it has only been getting worse and as of right now it has reached a point where he has gone off al social media and has been inactive for weeks.

 I have tried my hardest to support him throughout the course of the year. I try hard to check up on him and talk to him the best I can but I generally live abroad so there is only so much that I can do from overseas. I have also pushed him to seek help and go to a therapist but he refuses to go and believes that therapy is a scam. 

I barely get to meet him in person although this past month I have been able to as I've been home for the holidays. We've hung out a bunch of times since I have been back and he did seem like he was doing better when he was with me however, past couple of weeks, he has deactivated all of his social media, barely spoken to anyone or partaken in any activity. He's told me that his depression has hit an all time low so much so that he is contemplating suicide. He told me he needs his time and space which I have given him whilst also checking up on him in the process. Luckily, his parents have been informed about his situation from one of his other friends. 

 I insisted on meeting him yesterday and he agreed to meet me for sometime. He promised me that he would try to be more responsive to me because I told him that I got worried when I did not hear back from him for a prolonged period of time. I also gave him a letter wherein I expressed how much he meant to me and that I value his presence in my life and in return he wrote me a massive text in which he mentioned that he acted upon his suicidal urges a few days ago and does not know he is going to be around soon. 

I have not received a single text from him all day today and I am getting increasingly worried. I tried calling the suicide hotline in my country but have had no luck. Unfortunately I live in a country where mental health is very secondary. I am also leaving to go back abroad in a couple of days so I am feeling very helpless. I just want to be able to help him and be there for him. I am so scared and worried and it is taking a toll on me. I suffer from anxiety as well and this is causing me immense anxiety. I am in no mood to go back abroad and I hope he is able to recover from this situation because every passing moment I am fearing that he will kill himself and I will have no way to check up on him. ",4.645306841046279,4.798144003521127,5.759213279678067,82.67673239436621,69.35211267605635,8.463259557344067,30.66519114688129,8.238735603445708,2.0682939034205226,2166,82,451,28,35,723,237,568,0.158,0.7340000000000001,0.108,-0.9915,2,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,0,3,31,24,1,2,21,0,62,2,0,4,3,58,94,44,5,5,8,1,3,1,3,3,2,1,1,1,26,25,0,1,7,1,4,13,7,11,1,1,22,4,73,12,76,64,12,76,0,7,0,0,74,31,0,4,31,330,99,0,0.20674645616186985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468682944521032,0.06108941967338297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044675506294675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046864893276047585,0.0,0.1054403153825966,0.0,0.0,0.0481873097476405,0.0,0.0,0.06134939292605857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196701745513166,0.0,0.12603072072504784,0.0,0.0,0.07764415254201612,0.07232255016639133,0.060950146467541086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703704157936082,0.0,0.0,0.07079518713688293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525073475751101,0.0,0.13333436051683062,0.0,0.11871361316244575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603084056756781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806426873930416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754908070611828,0.06969148018092322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973179917390182,0.0,0.10801649019928304,0.0,0.2349975510214851,0.0,0.055118009213616925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173473852616779,0.0,0.0,0.0732539383333071,0.07767276065639238,0.0,0.13857779153704486,0.0,0.06912785086867143,0.0684486268309861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624477390240593,0.0,0.07574829694641988,0.0,0.0,0.07297154841458885,0.0,0.0,0.04867704540207606,0.03366862510460365,0.0,0.12170727237439805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945060017523776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055007682944052665,0.0,0.15198243383110996,0.10219991837946177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669891644520797,0.1048266641754816,0.0,0.0,0.07652249092474564,0.0,0.19736288625564133,0.0,0.06017434364599316,0.0,0.07564850802338832,0.06514740914442349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885344797293079,0.0,0.0,0.06899642327630705,0.0,0.0,0.06273806961197148,0.0,0.07785488247461086,0.0,0.05700760166534213,0.15492778604192406,0.0,0.14050131724124562,0.0,0.0,0.06815917721242824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30152942231119384,0.0782044761320463,0.0,0.0,0.05181586837326338,0.055391656682113814,0.0,0.0,0.07881086358447217,0.0800161901952158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607406949319264,0.0,0.06532382207095144,0.1975550987874012,0.0,0.18715636338680172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274499714320396,0.04064813882008121,0.05470190454862693,0.11055969091937347,0.0,0.061963297780247575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099610619441819,0.07023076722427894,0.048955583537259234,0.0,0.0,0.08875862621294442
suicidewatch,SpaceyBakedBean,2019/01/03,"The only thing keeping me alive is my son. Before I met my wife, I tried to kill myself twice. I never sought help. Once by hanging myself and the branch snapped, once by shooting myself with a shotgun (the firing pin was broken). I kind of had a revelation at that point in my life and a week after I met my wife who was my savior. 6 years, 2 deployments, 2 major surgeries for her, and a son later, I think I caught her having an affair and I now want it all to end. 

I think about suicide all the time, I still haven't acted on it since 2012. I'm waiting for her to get home and we can talk about what she did. I wrote her a letter explaining why I know she's having an affair with this guy she met from work and that I want to work it out. If she lies to me, I'm leaving with my bags and I dont know what will happen after that. The only thing stopping me from blowing my brains out is my son. I know what having divorced parents did to me, I dont want that for my son. But I want my son to have a father. 

I left the military in September and I have no idea wtf I'm doing anymore. I've been in school full time, and I finally found a job during the winter break where I could make some money to pay the bills. Without my money coming in, my son would have a miserable life. I cant do that to him but if i dont have my wife, I dont know what I'm going to do. She's the one that saved me from myself. I am the one that's with him the most and I love him so much. Please, someone help.",1.0631413315155631,2.2921215490797557,3.1268643490115906,94.14975346512158,78.9079754601227,5.688525335151103,19.12928879800045,6.0378880255834675,-0.26403690070438524,1139,23,273,7,27,387,154,326,0.075,0.8590000000000001,0.066,0.0949,4,0,0,2,1,3,35.0,1,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,21,0,29,4,1,1,3,49,58,15,2,8,5,11,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,18,18,0,3,9,0,4,5,9,2,0,3,12,1,61,3,36,43,7,32,0,1,0,1,39,12,0,4,14,194,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732434482239636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920865494216968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080839243659355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322123912474144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640420744193326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073282807086624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585007020320424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854881935324944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865674247787784,0.0,0.0,0.05654005371609911,0.0,0.061503452544113026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715400002253526,0.09569786135563532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507406717080884,0.0,0.1085526587889202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221662790310139,0.0,0.0,0.10739083527863856,0.09619017742502962,0.11972848601340158,0.11269362025853585,0.23789771934000686,0.0,0.0,0.1145884834666244,0.11758045311146745,0.0,0.1528768111256022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767203294613253,0.0,0.07223714138616018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955354739689062,0.0,0.08346530126865682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049978451213815,0.14666423095720296,0.1646111222210556,0.0,0.0,0.1201645898526948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187921593997558,0.10230210236496387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095235852811031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952002201991059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169375799911557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864239750267307,0.0904760782107005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837421561517553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869824756882692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437920258646467,0.1386849586191672,0.0,0.0,0.1262069454725887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734737178995317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553218992515015,0.0,0.08680689659352843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765097537104044,0.0,0.0,0.1043194253996147,0.0,0.15756970035936615,0.0,0.0,0.07687579880978172,0.0,0.0,0.06968960227167728
suicidewatch,iAmArussianBot1917,2019/01/03,The bad can get better Life isnt all that bad. I ve been through a lot. Just hang in there the sun shines even on remote mouse holes,-1.0763793103448265,1.0018005862068975,-0.14870689655172242,109.04176724137932,94.86206896551724,2.9000000000000004,10.698275862068963,3.1291,-2.260041379310344,103,1,27,0,4,31,27,29,0.213,0.6990000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7119441631265793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377058836091574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815903768356794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227425441595863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011331579565269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624549387016909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tayohwaukbin,2019/01/03,"I can't finish high school I simply can't do it. The amount of anxiety it causes me every day is unbearable. I looked into alternatives, but there aren't any alternatives in my country. Teachers are mad at me for my poor attendance, my bad grades, but they don't understand how much I'm suffering to even get to school everyday. How I throw up every morning, am not able to sleep, which ends up with me fainting. I hate that even after so much effort I've put in to socialize with my news class, they just don't accept me and don't want to talk to me. I keep disappointing my mom over and over again and she's suffering so much because of me. I tried everything. Meds. Therapy. Hospitalization. No matter how much I try, it's just not getting better.",2.6365963566634747,4.8202008523489965,4.320445829338451,83.04323825503356,77.38926174496645,8.015532118887824,24.065675934803448,8.841846274778883,1.8738816874400768,593,20,118,14,14,199,91,149,0.262,0.731,0.006999999999999999,-0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,2,11,8,2,0,1,0,10,2,1,4,0,22,18,10,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,1,3,9,6,0,0,0,1,22,2,20,18,5,18,0,3,1,0,6,9,0,0,6,81,27,4,0.15840340380708726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771974647298847,0.0,0.12117817034323936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322602256643206,0.09656124471356184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400949381512974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272392993563978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215709106893286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029839915190587,0.0,0.0,0.2092479085529994,0.0,0.26692339918051383,0.0,0.14236276543137014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551848125962645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639056690151612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673618930725468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079622350050508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301896428126808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595047213847656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855201520689921,0.0,0.0,0.4657789117097967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923917213982774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32062540281378576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851780085090367,0.16147232197030528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731865576584395,0.0,0.0,0.18114809724693334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509102662500554,0.0,0.0,0.1649035297592538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343043165609582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cansadisima,2019/01/03,"Excited to end my life! A couple of days ago I posted about waiting to receive a package with methods to end it all and the package arrived early. I'm thinking about calling in sick to work and just cruising away to an isolated location where I will painfully end my life. The amount of self-loathing I carry within is insurmountable and the only way to stop it is to desecrate my body. In all honesty, if I ever met me outside of me, I wouldn't hate her, but because she is me, I do. 

Over the last 11 months I have had a painfully beautiful experience working with refugee/migrant kids in the Chicago area, and I want all of you to know that they are the most amazing and brilliant children I have ever met. Their smiles that radiated enough energy to light up city simply by playing with hot wheels gave me hope and filled me with moments of joy, even though they were going through an arduous transitionary period in their lives. One of the hardest things I found, however, is that these children are often forgotten about unless they are at the center of a media storm for a few weeks out of the summer. Refugee children and inner city kids deserve better; everyone deserves better, but the most vulnerable will always deserve the most. I can't tell or express to you just how magical my time with them was, but it was also painfully tragic. Trauma works in mysterious ways and my sincerest hope is for a better world to be built for them. One with kindness, lots of hot wheels, hope, joy, healing. If I wasn't so intent on killing myself I'd be a foster mom, but I can't do any child justice if the advice I give is not something I myself follow.

Comparing pain is not a topic I condone, and I will not go into detail as to why I am choosing to end my life if I ""have it all."" Which I don't, but that is neither here nor there. My debilitating empathy, unresolved trauma of my own (do not wish to resolve), and depression have won and I have decided to give in to my inner demons and end my life. A life of no more pain, no more suffering! 24 years end over the next 24 hours; my life will slip away from my grasp and I can only hope what lies next is nothing at all. 

Please continue making this world a place hospitable to those who live here. See you all in the next realm! ",6.391026785714287,6.093773441964286,6.807282142857144,78.17521785714288,65.69642857142857,9.578714285714286,33.545,9.065960079200117,2.795777571428572,1794,70,345,27,25,585,230,448,0.13699999999999998,0.695,0.168,0.9628,1,0,2,0,0,5,48.0,0,3,7,8,17,27,2,0,26,0,37,14,1,3,8,71,60,30,1,11,17,1,2,0,0,5,13,0,0,6,15,21,0,2,7,2,0,6,13,12,0,2,10,4,53,15,63,43,17,60,1,3,1,0,29,26,0,15,25,256,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516879786445642,0.06818808131426797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151573112032766,0.06400655163125832,0.0,0.0,0.05231064839995489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454440533403853,0.0,0.0,0.04689187903482261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409787319960715,0.0,0.08544471728913601,0.0,0.0,0.07854753998169188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511443939944584,0.0,0.049609322779172536,0.0,0.06625413656498018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087885723506902,0.07948258491311966,0.0,0.05080727596906584,0.13916350076179002,0.0,0.07350374370437236,0.0,0.07524598745110116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434269662762968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758414736805273,0.0874348466198129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594607512659017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056097476227865,0.07575419672671911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510450533728775,0.0801040347716192,0.042275168590693565,0.06270295599885252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260002482683203,0.0,0.0,0.1358497990253316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653976471209946,0.0,0.0,0.05134706358819861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009192616713717,0.06139963970115779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454271882606825,0.0,0.0,0.07381021603763152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425076973653,0.11700764451386,0.4092603768031586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036873215107418,0.08443895266939931,0.0,0.0,0.07367149244888939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061298106015680816,0.0,0.08024803380488409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592195030618353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431152800276409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723456884575636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511045852166187,0.049289501579788335,0.07557699237027722,0.0,0.04485473767442637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537149984328637,0.12211665900084792,0.0617034278177576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694115346428572,0.0,0.08845828042211941,0.0,0.0,0.16800377067819305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953624092281226
suicidewatch,Aliasmercury,2019/01/03,"Frickin psychiatrists, man “My goal is for you not to be on medication” *increases medication*

Like can you not

You’re becoming part of the reason I want to give up ",1.4216129032258067,4.084493741935487,3.9570322580645154,77.73554838709677,95.45161290322581,8.931612903225806,25.55483870967742,8.841846274778883,3.1558335483870983,130,6,25,5,5,45,26,31,0.0,0.877,0.123,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678189232702063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194844072786935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270758709303454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6710099193614764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606522274474231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424228303054735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964369072598036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rulebackthen,2019/01/03,"I just need someone to listen...that's all I graduate in May and it doesn't look like I'm going to amount to much. Every day that goes by is a day closer to me ending it all.

I was planning on going into teaching because I genuinely want to help people. I want to specialise in children with special educational needs so I can really touch the lives of those most vulnerable, however, my anxiety is just too much and I just don't think I would be capable of even talking at the job interview let alone functioning in the job.

I was brought up by an uneducated, abusive mother with a similar-minded father who worked away and returned at weekends. Every weekend they would fight and argue. I would lock myself away in my room and gradually became more isolated and weird. I was never the weird kid at school; I was just the kid that's there. Average. Nothing special. Virgin until 19. No close friends, no clique, nothing. I pushed everyone away. I did that at university (dropped out 2 years ago due to depression; finishing via online courses) and have no friends left from uni except my girlfriend who would be devastated with my plans. I know it's selfish but this is my only way out. My only way to true happiness is to cease living.

All my peers are successful. Living in London, on cool graduate schemes, working for well-known companies. They partied every night as I toiled away working. They have been rewarded. I have not.

All graduate schemes are closed now. I worked retail last year and slashed my wrists so my parents physically saw how depressed it was making me (they're too stupid to comprehend emotions). I can't go back into that. All other jobs require way more experience than I have. They're all cocky, arrogant, confident types of people (or at least project that vibe). I can't compete. I'm a slow-burner. An uptight, conscientious person. I don't make friends quickly. I build long, lasting relationships with people. I get things done but no one will give me chance to show that. EVERYONE WANTS FLASH NOT SUBSTANCE.

I'm going to finish my degree, wait until it's over, if I get a job - good - if not, I'm going to blow all of my savings on a final holiday and see the Pacific Northwest (something I've always wanted to do). Then I'm going to fucking kill myself.

I mean it's only three fucking days into the year and my life continues to suck. Fuck this all. Honestly, how can any of you bear to live in this world? The people running the country are fucking idiots. They suck. They literally know they're bad people but they think it's some sort of a game.

Capitalism is unjust. People are working more than they're living. People feed into the machine. We're all fucking indentured servants. Despicable fucking humanity.",3.057724252491692,5.806614213178296,4.377214839424145,80.09180232558141,79.34883720930233,7.019047619047619,27.43133997785161,8.135034353345038,2.2580898117386496,2178,94,376,43,56,716,270,516,0.14400000000000002,0.746,0.11,-0.926,6,1,1,0,1,1,79.0,0,1,6,11,16,34,13,1,18,1,38,10,1,4,11,74,78,24,1,12,14,3,1,1,4,6,1,0,1,5,21,22,1,3,5,5,1,9,13,20,0,2,10,5,50,14,63,59,18,72,0,2,3,7,29,32,8,7,28,249,71,19,0.0,0.07826757520047167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855616725340644,0.0,0.0,0.06841585745639807,0.0,0.0,0.054965299952640136,0.0,0.0,0.044921502670305466,0.0,0.05053396132919378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24825354258833196,0.05079429544702479,0.0551554220548116,0.0402681620991003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780525918879074,0.0,0.11379080411571067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759996403350386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430602378382982,0.058507517131246675,0.0,0.0,0.04363048925842232,0.0,0.16696938929476404,0.12624193047074753,0.0,0.06461710817213512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236298381936332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310805043037268,0.3664156871326155,0.06902484587404485,0.06336856713569672,0.22525268655892225,0.05540606646855506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031965226597607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427708530782056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26220830601306283,0.0,0.07308306015505812,0.0,0.07260717107594074,0.10769168769626374,0.0,0.0,0.07177188665730318,0.0675484759843662,0.04665850857980134,0.032272456562169746,0.0,0.291650806113988,0.05845898767921205,0.05547183274016181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881880582497845,0.0,0.0,0.0719562031093911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669944822725847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712002353900047,0.09796189824536347,0.050947772218505424,0.0,0.0,0.06199067858689498,0.0,0.12676829357875627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044762408556810886,0.1507195774545221,0.0,0.0,0.07334926082444061,0.0,0.0,0.32057265256434003,0.057679037544270124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231825549499844,0.0,0.0,0.0709212506934201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685392121805123,0.052639436086027336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559704766578491,0.05085444639467882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053094678758821914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388580205928341,0.08465421647636841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558501768727998,0.15730058767729124,0.0,0.0,0.059393807434934436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404539695066606,0.0,0.0,0.18770198524867499,0.0,0.0,0.12761698317390338
suicidewatch,CaillteSaGhaoth,2019/01/03,"The thoughts are back... I've struggled with suicidal ideation and actions since my mom died 6 years ago. My current boyfriend stopped my last attempt successfully without the involvement of medical professionals or emergency responders, which I appreciate so much. A year and a half later, we are living together and my suicidal thoughts are starting to take over again. I can't sleep well, I get physically sick over it, in missing work. I just keep envisioning myself hanging from our balcony and praying that I'm found and cut down before he gets home and has to see it. I don't know when but I feel like it's going to happen.",6.405948275862068,7.857697870689659,6.4425862068965545,74.69853448275866,65.98275862068965,9.937931034482759,37.77586206896552,10.125756701596842,4.0893137931034484,507,27,88,12,8,161,89,116,0.16699999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.077,-0.7584,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,3,6,6,1,1,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,19,21,10,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,3,1,1,3,2,13,3,11,18,1,18,1,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,12,55,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060487785290412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931601056794182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541705855222392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880359305245525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160990333258992,0.12943481836270496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865419628445566,0.0,0.0,0.18931783722186168,0.0,0.10296860236280142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602166159018678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817380178819095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104084763991408,0.0,0.0,0.0995716283088696,0.14768564234560086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851525274443069,0.0,0.15998500000497615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825194929980121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121954822415324,0.0,0.0,0.13318793091469758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443767684837734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987372528828388,0.0,0.18131055208986516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823992862671788,0.0,0.0,0.15147434713427427,0.0,0.1894083673280408,0.0,0.3963623840123497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622459102449155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28767289762204856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629023147472419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465077143408292,0.0,0.13190098400648514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334758125935398
suicidewatch,Biased24,2019/01/03,"I don't even know how I feel. I'm gonna be honest, I might go into some stupid detail that may trigger or offend people but I'm just looking for help and if I seem to go on a tangent about feeling good while trying to commit sure just skip it it doesn't add to what I have to say.

My name is Eli, I'm a girl from Australia. I live with my boyfriend  of just over a year, I got him out of 2 separate abusive households, then got ourselves out of another 2 when he moved in with me. We've been homeless, couch surfing and finally since October have our own place.

My boyfriend is a bit hit or miss. Don't get me wrong I love the shit out of him and wouldn't want anyone else but some of him is overwhelming. He has autism, sometimes he has sensory overload, flash backs and ptsd like episodes about his childhood. 

Well today I was also doing shit, I have been for a week or so. Haven't showered, can barely move, never leave the house. I have a history of self harm and multiple attempts through various methods. 

So back onto the story. Today I showered, I'm MtF so I get all types of dysphoric about my body, I got my boyfriend to shave my legs because I can't do the backs of them without hurting myself. He starts to freak out, flashbacks. Before this I was about to self harm. I can't help. I'm spent. I need to look after myself. He spends the rest of the night trying to get me to help to no avail.

Nearing the culmination of these paragraphs brings us to a few hours ago. I take his laptop (to watch YouTube we share it) and I notice paint.net is open I check it out and it's an abstract art naked body with eyes everywhere and blurred bits. I'm freaked so I ask him.

Mumbles he is non verbal and explains that he is having sensory overload to the fucking extreme. I take this as a cue to try and help, and by help I mean tell him I'm also not doing good. Shjt hits the fan. He gets shouty and short with my angry that I keep making noise and that the light is on, I just scribble on the laptop drawing black shapes in paint. I don't know what to do, when stuff like this happens my instinct is to fight back, make it mutually bad, but I did the opposite I just sat there. Silent. Scribbling. Scribing my thoughts. He tells me I need help and leaves slamming the door and taking the laptop.

I pull out my phone and start listening to music, I know it hurts to hear stuff when in sensory overload but what am I to do, suffer while suicidal and let myself worsen? Honestly if I wasn't a tad rilled up by how he spoke about me needing help I would have.

He comes in accidentally grabbed my arm tight, he instantly let go and started profusely apologising but I still sat there not moving a muscle. Was it to prove a point? Escalate the situation? Or was I frozen in place? Fucked if I know.

This sort of thing happens a bit where I play music or a game to help my feelings and he gets increasingly mad because it hurts.

He leaves and says something along the line of ""why are you hurting me, do you really not care about me? You need help Eli, either call an ambulance or go to a psych ward but I won't be there or leave. That or turn it off"" I, I honestly didn't know how to feel, I still don't, my eyes are swelling as I write, the keys are blurring. But let's persist and end this tale.

I grab a belt, place it around my neck and tighten so it's about blocking 50% of my breathing and hurts. I accidentally hit the headboard of our bed a few times because well fuck it hurts. He comes in saying it better be important. When he realises he calls me sick, how I picked the worst time and worst way to make him feel like garbage. Also odd word garbage, gar-bag, gah-r beg. Eh never mind.

Now we are finally at the top of Everest, the end of the story. I'm writing this. Not knowing if I'll wake up. Not knowing if anyone will miss me. Not knowing what to do but feel like doing everything. Not just bad but good. I'm a concoction of mixed emotions I've tried to parry but ended up taking multiple hits.

I think I might attempt on my life. I might sound like a stereotypical 18 year old edge Lord or whatever else. But I just want some help. I'm confused and I feel lost. Every time I've attempted on my life I knew someone knew where I was l, maybe even what I was doing or that if I wanted to all I need is a hospital and the right antidote for poisoning. But now I don't know I'm too much of a pussy to do stuff where it'd be out of my hands. So take what I say with a grain of salt.

Thanks for reading.

Final wishes,

-Eli",1.5780261290089754,3.552051783725915,2.9559139138175787,92.56178897095975,79.87794432548179,5.996468012414888,22.91408223660467,7.053511843143728,0.6437934364699371,3522,116,776,42,89,1144,397,934,0.162,0.715,0.122,-0.9936,2,0,2,0,1,1,107.0,5,3,1,7,51,51,10,2,46,0,69,20,12,9,7,160,165,76,1,17,44,0,11,5,0,9,4,8,5,3,38,47,0,3,24,4,3,12,24,31,2,0,22,27,106,20,102,122,18,93,1,11,6,4,68,40,5,28,45,484,144,6,0.0,0.0563355857296726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042147670626768635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407029162508113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049857321820561316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664921313868215,0.048717663614238786,0.0,0.042327035025450516,0.04445015734657677,0.0,0.0,0.14624326247004715,0.07939975142110671,0.08695288536662933,0.0,0.04045911398082673,0.0,0.0,0.042051581300035085,0.15572748627094005,0.1056283072257766,0.0,0.0,0.09710189170548096,0.0,0.048477477904828856,0.0,0.0,0.08191530169971098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943906842020057,0.05348413263580714,0.12633795944496454,0.0,0.0,0.06280887485653439,0.0,0.04006051599594195,0.0,0.042732303419626784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828883769918493,0.06793537238617894,0.0,0.15625670278537335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186969381818764,0.1242070906200521,0.0,0.10808854115280134,0.11964085508545605,0.11408337370166137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840915574451255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358908220638805,0.0,0.3186984557563909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682435508806584,0.05486301555967147,0.3054011794716523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042262082537737784,0.0,0.0,0.23517598125626565,0.0,0.0,0.20138222324894275,0.0,0.14586051567251285,0.06716790199219617,0.11614565410442737,0.0,0.04198499557161105,0.0,0.07985524480376678,0.0,0.05190331979389015,0.0,0.042913150058542224,0.0,0.09521425513321936,0.0,0.04776749272661997,0.05179277419375587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132000463412967,0.04800905705976099,0.0,0.0,0.15160525485037155,0.034952618617193405,0.17627800857212064,0.07334257084622565,0.0,0.0,0.044619769796465536,0.0,0.0,0.05413273383385908,0.049892724959078094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03296320001312277,0.0,0.14902992368047518,0.0,0.04494741573069588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558006204143183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756000675873615,0.0,0.03045991528755455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060499761947379,0.0,0.15124557597292887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328513035321528,0.09920407297180624,0.0,0.09761291152421214,0.03933148540384242,0.05344497731310573,0.0,0.0,0.040286537279487535,0.03660411118224093,0.04702533706655351,0.0,0.10096233088093882,0.0,0.07594241457067273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329029864663566,0.052008853758146366,0.0,0.04481261659007384,0.0,0.1787476591783576,0.0,0.08311659186840283,0.04377501819340436,0.0,0.0,0.03158820696685265,0.03046628733206222,0.0,0.03774711795592886,0.08317535879204675,0.0,0.09013825803055407,0.0,0.0,0.12912554746640814,0.05171763462734565,0.0,0.0,0.05719335488749205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413360492241242,0.037740706457832174,0.038139447570308266,0.0,0.08550117777360887,0.0,0.04290389820975258,0.0,0.05467686427865065,0.04583374607000875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033776123939325595,0.0519853333262471,0.0,0.06123759830931275
suicidewatch,Mirwin11,2019/01/03,"I hate the world and don’t want to grow up in it. Aside from sparing the hearts of my mother, father, and brother, I want to kill myself. I hate the world, and don’t want to live for a single thing outside of my family. 

You can try to give me reasons to keep living, but my horrible nihilism will shoot anything down. ",4.5205384615384645,4.631414861538462,5.270576923076924,86.21817307692308,69.61538461538461,7.730769230769233,27.01923076923077,7.1686216300943375,1.218153846153846,246,7,52,2,4,80,46,65,0.22,0.73,0.049,-0.9319,0,0,0,1,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,9,11,4,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,12,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389393171859304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221201319174541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260267142589877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465248934329522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792090313495544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942852960716574,0.2606769365554175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161108662960144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24225503798592016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565344474467749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996948042292145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41692164965409206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jtlannister,2019/01/03,"I can't do this much longer I should never have been born. I shouldn't be alive. Every justification I've attempted to formulate for my life is a sham. The world doesn't want me. I don't want me. But here I am, where I shouldn't be. Every day there are fewer and fewer things keeping me going. And another big blow has just been dealt to me. Why am I even here? Why am I even posting this? I don't actually deserve help. There's too little help going around and too many who need it, and many others deserve it far more. I lash out, I strike out, like a wounded animal who doesn't know who does or doesn't want to hurt him. I'm not nice. The niceness was tortured out of me in my childhood. I don't remember what it feels like to be happy. It feels like I have never been happy. I want to be heard, and understood, and accepted; all I am is dismissed, misunderstood, and rejected. Over and over again, in whatever context, by whomever. Again and again. It's too much. The world is too much for me. Why am I even here?",0.4212857142857125,2.712342366666668,2.351714285714287,93.16328571428572,87.23809523809523,5.645714285714287,18.87619047619048,7.087006719466742,0.268956190476191,787,22,175,12,25,261,102,210,0.134,0.77,0.096,-0.4463,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,18,11,1,0,5,0,31,2,0,1,3,36,45,11,0,8,4,0,2,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,13,13,0,1,7,0,0,2,12,3,0,0,6,3,25,8,17,32,5,25,0,2,0,0,7,14,0,1,11,127,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.13181482839497616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163911107187396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024640306372128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711293620717704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820604102388313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26764955107662697,0.0,0.2276149487197595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365971106844174,0.19299684386871432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535337672271912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875821270973539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107737971074972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460180237368012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006188026374726,0.0,0.0,0.07423431440460734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540827288093497,0.1979741382188896,0.13538177879720356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738920113440829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978895165122069,0.10015724681536553,0.20835809383770834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936560433519936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301493593880236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973858586391698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318685630043029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365655621805265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pitpatcat,2019/01/03,"I’m not so sure anymore I’m tired of life and I feel so done. I’ve never felt so trapped in my life than I do now. 6 months ago I had to move back to my hometown and it’s been mental hell. I try so very hard to be normal ... to be strong .... to be there for my children and husband and it’s so hard .... so very hard. I put a smile on my face and laugh but inside I feel so empty ... extremely alone. 
Why can’t I kill myself  and just be done? Will I really have to come back to this hell and do the lesson again until I get it? 
I’m so unhappy and I don’t ever see that changing. Happiness comes for a few weeks and sometimes I get lucky and I’ll have a full month... but lately it’s only for a few hours and then my mind feels heavy and my body feels exhausted. I don’t see the light anymore and I don’t think I’ll ever feel true happiness.  I just want the pain to stop... ",-1.3889003436426108,0.5122222319587628,1.2480670103092777,100.51185996563576,92.1443298969072,4.470446735395188,14.784364261168385,5.985473137389443,-0.9044975945017176,659,13,169,6,24,225,100,194,0.212,0.6709999999999999,0.116,-0.9664,0,2,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,2,17,12,3,0,7,0,17,7,2,0,5,38,34,25,1,2,5,1,9,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,15,0,1,8,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,5,12,21,7,16,24,3,23,2,0,2,0,2,3,2,1,16,105,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687826530084188,0.0,0.0,0.12487443265139793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391466097511882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854221831515329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339263840097646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754735352846835,0.207721214887254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467704847905629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812541529160595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048197440656992,0.0,0.11576636252859175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598597441923118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25669857858767986,0.324021825600319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873742418554176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339313446604195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600851080977575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032468798556874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215064688863937,0.0,0.12174159712678248,0.0,0.19247607074063025,0.12814711076511054,0.0,0.0,0.09299122143858407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181332603987662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169911978416527,0.12829526300203412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212064182505366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724039926127743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921577821493039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924707525043005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080214048116497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363604805473965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725655752229807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385777832378267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185929562656645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896619184920988,0.07111546627919549,0.0,0.09671419405223426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879591083237546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helloworld2244,2019/01/03,"I think it's the right time to go I feel like fucking useless, 22, currently has no job. I'm like numb all the time. My mind is always lost, so does my smile. Tears roll down every night. I find comfort in pain but don't wanna live anymore. I wish I wasn't born. Life sucks. I feel too old and people around me are a bunch of fucking normies who would never fail to criticize me for little things and put my morale down. Only thing I'd enjoyed over my ongoing depressive phase is music. I like discovering music, been listening to mellow Jefferson Airplane songs and the Byrds. Blue Cheer and Kaleidoscope are also good. I don't know what I am doing, just fucking stand this life. Someone please kill me already.
",2.24664268585132,4.779534575539572,3.1347913669064766,89.09264268585133,80.94244604316546,6.008824940047963,22.935731414868112,7.3011,0.9966888249400484,562,19,109,8,15,178,103,139,0.127,0.632,0.241,0.9601,2,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,18,5,0,4,0,12,7,0,0,2,18,25,7,1,3,2,0,2,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,11,0,0,3,5,16,7,11,21,2,17,1,4,1,3,2,7,4,0,10,62,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012821170850892,0.12328808671062814,0.12828011865984698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289322090608484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724219751027994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327846647515805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491344785183434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989318163610908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155903936968077,0.11013764358113284,0.0,0.0,0.14090675079368253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275774703740478,0.0,0.0,0.087617222093227,0.1293087964076546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529879425652872,0.0,0.1705640401634027,0.0,0.08472669601733072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778682267778326,0.2259560792431029,0.1545168283755883,0.13613316054957816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682925738197623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556657225651701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890385882140188,0.0,0.0,0.14467621593592989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617733727165783,0.0,0.0,0.11725170423817187,0.1640456120852601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688067340534696,0.0,0.0,0.16923015834919464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549814124490011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165862196219247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062603848798254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484472569050444,0.09878462360800144,0.0,0.0,0.17979319068711422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728558123812202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951651751712273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OGStarburst,2019/01/03,"Next Friday is the day. God I feel pathetic writing this out, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it. 

I'm 26, male, living in Utah. I've never really been like this until very recently. Last year was shit, but it got okay towards the end or so I thought. My life is just not where I thought I would be at this age. I'm working a shit job, where I make okay money but there's not a career to be made here. I'm single. I've never had problems finding someone to fuck, but actually having a meaningful relationship has eluded me.

I thought I might have found someone, and honestly for awhile it really seemed like she was into me. We text alot, I actually got an insta/SC because she was always using those. We have mutual friends and they're always saying how others are asking if we're dating. We hung out a few times and I always had a great time, and it seemed like she did to. Recently though plans just keep falling through. Everytime I bring it up it gets turned around on me, and makes me feel even more like shit like I'm the bad guy for wanting to spend time with her. We have a mutual, I guess you could say acquaintance that I was talking to Saturday and he mentioned he asked her previously if she ever saw herself dating me, and her response was ""ew, no"". I would've been fine not knowing that.

I'm more of an introvert, so I have what I thought were a few close friends rather than a ton of friends. I spent close to 300 dollars on Christmas presents for them, and I thought I did well. Christmas rolls around and they all seem pretty happy with what they got. But, not one got me anything. It's not a monetary thing, Christ I would have been happy with a hug.

This all sounds so fucking pathetic to type out, but I just cannot do it anymore. If I am going to do this, there isn't a better time. My mom recently moved down here and is living with me until February or so. Her and my brother can be each other's support.



I've already tried once with some sleeping pills but that didn't do the trick, I just woke up and felt miserable. I thought about joining the military in the hopes that I would be deployed and end up getting killed over there but that seems like a long shot, plus it's pretty chicken shit to have someone else live with that.


This time though I've got it planned out. I can usually get off work early of I need to and I work graves. Plan is to get off around 4 or 5 before there's any real traffic. They just got done installing a freeway exit near my place with a large metal/concrete barrier. Yesterday I stopped at the stop light to see about how fast I could get going before nearing it. Turns out my car is a tad quicker than I thought and 120 was possible if I have to stop at the light. Even with all my newer cars safety features I think 120 will be fast enough to do the job.


I'm not going to leave any notes, I don't want anyone really knowing I did this intentionally, I'd like to think the few people (2 or 3) will think it was just an accident. I am sure there will be suspicions that this was intentional but I'm hoping that's all it'll be, is suspicions.",2.8861184473789514,4.389784012558874,4.0265453873857275,88.4406534921661,74.65149136577708,7.193880629174748,25.049065780158216,7.861635385654353,1.2360452427124695,2444,80,520,35,51,796,280,637,0.14300000000000002,0.735,0.122,-0.9444,2,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,4,1,4,7,34,36,8,1,29,2,65,10,5,8,8,130,129,43,2,16,30,2,3,7,3,8,2,3,0,2,35,40,0,5,22,0,4,8,14,12,1,1,38,10,67,24,67,74,15,74,1,2,2,3,36,32,6,18,41,346,102,7,0.0,0.0,0.11398130518551128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444661765862643,0.0,0.1457821664752308,0.0,0.0,0.07942894864266016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791779535784974,0.08167024575578184,0.059838412110383536,0.048058794805357484,0.15596699702097078,0.1091935300812932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487621397920401,0.03560052078821078,0.0,0.09938937774914552,0.0,0.0,0.051650667643867776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325640353007374,0.0,0.0,0.03766361602991949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597641858829913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975725714482663,0.0,0.10345136064424867,0.06034352802110843,0.0,0.07714621472028768,0.052826770901536695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905829089928491,0.0,0.05607382434757938,0.0,0.053377175970548515,0.0,0.0,0.06403334620896461,0.13536069311469,0.10798100043063273,0.15255976013969122,0.0,0.09957138012291362,0.0,0.2802502182599616,0.06438697091230146,0.0643349481985191,0.05782586844904861,0.0,0.12433724867570095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601013221548777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590735412863727,0.051909219858340516,0.0646117147316822,0.0,0.06419098783055603,0.04760435995456072,0.0,0.06183790217185985,0.0,0.0,0.04125013703268174,0.1997214028617602,0.0,0.15470664730722505,0.05168277611006352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526014839327464,0.0779658329890239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619539069685309,0.0,0.06839818655979457,0.0,0.06207069499931725,0.0,0.04330337434266178,0.09008443044975496,0.0,0.0621098002291475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219483273573456,0.03957382143330388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048768763791343,0.0,0.0610162949013349,0.0,0.0,0.0658380072153155,0.0,0.11882900172349425,0.0,0.05588157662894936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664727749029807,0.1496519191278578,0.0,0.1729909183763786,0.06270048912148941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928851512318347,0.0,0.0,0.046537791668971616,0.2126631924582156,0.0,0.0,0.23978989112987986,0.0,0.0,0.0584428699239982,0.0,0.14844815461505825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647678468272307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627241506483081,0.05504196261328341,0.0,0.0,0.09388053074014246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038798825848417096,0.11226241910643284,0.11475676997249082,0.3245453913139171,0.17026957054144826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039650237460358916,0.12704636900119562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043944842151442,0.06432011325824931,0.048186688469648915,0.06889248443909489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250923722504867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275492015597245,0.0,0.0,0.1659447086606217,0.0,0.0,0.03760813196316535
suicidewatch,obscure-curiosities,2019/01/03,"Envisioning driving a steak knife through my chest. I'm just so fucking done with being alive. I probably should post this on r/depression or r/offmychest, but to hell with it: I've posted on there plenty of times and should probably give those two subreddits a break. Yeah, I'm just thinking about stabbing myself or consuming lethal amounts of chemicals. None of the suicide methods out there are guaranteed to work, so I may as well kill myself by not living at all. I'm so pathetic: why did I have to be born in such an abysmal state?

Everything I am is defective and inferior, and I just want to end my life. I'll never get a job; find an attractive partner where the feelings are mutual; drive a car; go to outings and get-togethers with friends (which I'll never have IRL); be an attractive woman; live in middle-class suburbia; or anything that would make my life more tolerable. I hate myself for merely existing, and I can't bear to be seen in public. I just want to get out of this hellhole and sleep forever. It's like, I try to do things that make myself happy, but when I try to share them with the world it's like I'm being overlooked by everyone else.

So to hell with trying to live for others or even myself: I'm just going to stay holed up in my shitty apartment and cry like the sniveling bitch I am. Just get fat and shave my disgusting short hair off because who wants to look at a mongrel like me? Who wants to fuck the homely girl with no personality or redeeming qualities and enjoy the experience? At the end of the day, I'm just like the pebble you'd never notice but would have the greatest urge to kick once within your field of vision. My family's pretty much given up on me, and even my own mother is reaching her limits in her ability to tolerate my insufferable ass.

I'm hoping that therapy can help with these feelings because it's been over a year and I'm just now starting to share these self-loathing thoughts with my therapist. Transference is somewhat of a pain in the ass to deal with, though nowhere near as intense as last year when our alliance was first established. It took seeing a male therapist at the age of 21 for me to understand how truly shallow and brutally uncaring the world is, and I loathe myself for not seeing it sooner. It's like I've been in a coma for several decades and woke up to see a completely different civilization than the one I was so accustomed to years ago. Honestly, I have nobody to blame but myself.

So now I'm facing the consequences of my actions and am a miserable cunt as a result. I'm not going to improve, and I see no point in doing so because no matter what I'll always be a fuck-up. All I can say is that I hope that I can die, and that I don't take matters into my own hands. Even then, I wouldn't succeed. Like everything else I do, I either put it off or fail miserably when making an attempt.",7.574880119880119,6.20859484965035,8.014205794205793,73.9902097902098,63.79020979020978,11.528071928071927,35.46353646353647,10.608840637214634,3.5876501498501496,2282,86,442,48,28,758,284,572,0.197,0.657,0.146,-0.9929,2,0,1,0,0,4,59.0,1,2,1,6,31,35,10,2,32,1,41,14,8,5,5,83,86,44,4,11,22,1,4,7,2,6,5,1,1,5,25,29,1,1,6,0,0,9,13,16,1,3,11,11,49,19,81,62,11,68,2,4,6,4,22,32,8,10,29,307,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147070495201165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708787340048171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634890438871384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744786419625944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453556112691339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856464418372978,0.051997551520451,0.08312258755481497,0.0694436587013215,0.0,0.08367778544812263,0.08423774114516361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250910725247462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470652437710073,0.0,0.14282265013234247,0.0,0.0,0.15975952513452174,0.0,0.0,0.07704226718085178,0.14492415852202628,0.07886838380382949,0.07600767731498041,0.0,0.08153456432079906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369134326719896,0.06858102996493927,0.0,0.0,0.062291988537724885,0.22361425528000484,0.1684964923497431,0.07734447757462565,0.13746603522589804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858286215639782,0.0,0.07960217420724046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404237757699555,0.0,0.08087515415626274,0.1601610111460679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000955900138856,0.0,0.08920149788369933,0.0,0.0,0.06572152172985755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389804547065507,0.27573093159168244,0.0,0.21358456016340366,0.0,0.06770612177812592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145684529312754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059269901642038665,0.0,0.18655284491725013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179403251833138,0.0,0.08586480429582645,0.054634738661436616,0.0,0.08579249357153339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040012465984476,0.0,0.0,0.076218292500457,0.0,0.1544361829429326,0.0820263398810775,0.17385843903068227,0.0,0.0,0.08105210290128077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411758808322435,0.0,0.0,0.2569961650026453,0.0,0.0841112322931402,0.09108522169905098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068492779509169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706799335411002,0.08593733464300578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819252372822728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060621244401038825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220365831553703,0.18722762636810694,0.053564796974975584,0.05166233389681324,0.07921532353963266,0.06400859383444908,0.04701407724399501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957923051489013,0.1642207107919746,0.0,0.078760570535147,0.08393523831620388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022286687226309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249308631810858,0.0,0.07275305621024919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586971979732871,0.0,0.0,0.11454978899626052,0.0,0.0,0.15576285435172993
suicidewatch,sadweegoldfish,2019/01/03,"Nobody would miss me. Nobody that I'd want to miss me anyway. I don't give a shit about my family, we just share DNA and they're part of the problem. I'm trying to talk to people and drop hints that I need help, but it's not working and it's not taken seriously (which I don't blame anyone for). I want to tell somebody but I don't think anyone will care enough to actually hear me out or provide any kind of comfort. I'd grieve other's but I don't think anyone would grieve me. 

 

 And that makes me feel worse because everyone talks about how they would've done it if it meant no one got hurt. I'm almost at the opposite. I would've done it if I knew that people would care.  Not because I want people to hurt, but it would be a comforting thought to know that I affect people. But I don't. And nobody would miss me as much as I'd miss them. ",1.3227693370165738,2.9266304033149204,3.0340296961325954,93.45888984806628,79.22099447513813,5.850966850828731,18.49482044198895,6.6274283507984215,-0.15664392265193428,657,13,152,6,16,218,91,181,0.173,0.675,0.152,-0.7181,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,2,1,5,17,1,0,4,0,14,1,1,3,0,40,38,16,2,12,12,0,1,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,7,2,21,6,16,24,3,3,0,8,0,0,10,2,1,4,0,92,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.11094930786462263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384849187960586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731607268380372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384932483004095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861406954915906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318379821049607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326976357401252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174766801828566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863984608502453,0.0,0.0,0.10718093673691896,0.0,0.05748729134377487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090660029449702,0.0,0.0,0.0909317766167752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281418219196208,0.0,0.07620694194073256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24342435649596794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839519417376962,0.06248345427660457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589187712092052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357844631895778,0.08430293728785455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704224987487432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311992699718205,0.0,0.3152854523400592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879016061932092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167056405017163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276646140574748,0.09937389366688076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570152744253345,0.0,0.09026063272475614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719101646949653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011796615195316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277085795607321,0.0,0.11586427971504375,0.565356545874286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ripgeek1,2019/01/03,Back up plan Today I have finally decided that it is not the right time for me to take my life yet. I have taken out life insurance so that the people I love will be taken care of if I decide to go ahead with suicide. I have to wait 2 years before they can claim after death from suicide so the way I see it I have 2 years to try and fix my life. If not suicide is my back up plan and I'm out of here knowing everyone I love will be taken care of. ,1.0695000000000014,2.117699550000001,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,78.5,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.2798000000000003,345,8,84,4,8,120,57,100,0.154,0.716,0.131,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,1,3,6,4,0,0,3,0,11,5,0,0,0,13,24,6,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,13,4,16,17,0,17,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,2,10,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26031859196430746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403753589358564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451670477537536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174612374176514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854285987472635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620086547965356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930271616854742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586842917030721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055481835214326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735150965756752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455689278923764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134887429416175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554664748854823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727106375586034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987035433116397,0.0,0.1604495415126231,0.0,0.0,0.11492420278151387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435979748951987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801052708901605
suicidewatch,DanteFernix201,2019/01/03,"Vent? I guess? Hey guys, this is my first post on this subreddit,(hopefully not my last) and I just needed somewhere to write this. This’ll probably be lost in the void of posts, but whatever.

So, yeah, turning 18 tomorrow. Big day, you’re gonna be an adult, all that jazz. Normally this is a somewhat happy day. I’m usually okay.


How did I make it this far? 

Like seriously, It’s mind boggling. After years and years of suicidal thoughts and actions, not wanting to go another day of living this miserable life, multiple attempts to end my pitiful existence?

How the heck am I still alive?


This isn’t a cry for help, I don’t think. I’m just super confused and I feel like it’s depressing me more. 

So, thank you for existing, r/SuicideWatch. I’m sorry if this seems out of place or irrelevant in this sub, I just had all these thoughts and this was the only place I feel comfortable putting them down.

Thanks.
",2.107971428571428,4.7403863542857145,3.2636428571428597,87.24860714285717,82.6,7.385714285714287,25.892857142857146,8.395991825355821,2.037771428571429,712,30,142,17,20,229,117,175,0.15,0.647,0.203,0.9192,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,1,4,8,14,0,2,6,2,10,1,0,3,2,33,29,12,1,4,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,15,6,0,0,6,1,0,3,4,6,0,1,6,2,14,8,15,20,4,26,0,4,0,0,7,9,1,6,14,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389865552715032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121734837661975,0.2839589360562397,0.0,0.12641074348102851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999255602885346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842024582149227,0.10485082322108896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248404699390888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341142561355444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168108966818734,0.14532302712053233,0.0,0.1562368698129647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983752477439739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963520615047556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366631653803914,0.14340649966177088,0.0,0.1295985049906869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021420409271175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796853178194877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481934661716307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108826336945619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380111434235204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162339517815854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066818680485197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112563582161515,0.0,0.15824032711788402,0.0,0.0,0.14754200426736375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361173690099906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429434421208725,0.0,0.0,0.117208817813917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605399643746205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27024782718526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404277021102612,0.0,0.2330342060630485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596410345673734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164380776503606,0.0,0.08656734998597464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890270817480669
suicidewatch,psycho708,2019/01/03,"Almost accidentally died today So today I went on my way to my internship for a conversation with my supervisor. To get there, I have to cross an railroad crossing and three busy roads. When I was at the point to cross the first road, I looked behind me, to watch a train pass, thinking about me laying underneath it. While I was watching, I didn't think about what I was doing (crossing the road) and I almost got hit by two cars. I was very confused looking and I continued my day.. I am still confused, it felt like I was meant to be hit by those cars, but I wasn't.. how weird..",3.285996168582378,4.713397982758623,4.3901149425287365,86.54415708812262,73.48275862068967,7.224521072796936,24.95785440613027,7.793537801064563,1.168211877394636,450,14,95,6,9,147,73,116,0.071,0.912,0.017,-0.551,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,14,22,8,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,8,2,3,0,3,11,5,19,1,16,8,0,24,0,0,4,0,1,7,0,4,9,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368882276107042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406876727568944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264036007833353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094566768037617,0.0,0.0,0.18555691987233905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397353665326786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447320585329534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657629044449776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36637943233204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062207523209268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174213596168295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795613759726213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135583566212495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130992912086825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999527855400327,0.0,0.1731560480693495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222575481302946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aaayla,2019/01/03,"I'm out of energy to carry on Everything is expensive. So expensive that I can't afford to live my life. I've worked my ass off for almost 5 years for what? To be stuck in my backwoods hometown forever and be a wage slave until I drop dead from exhaustion because retirement doesn't exist anymore. I should go to university but it'll put me in dept. I should get a job but an anxious wreck like me can't hold one down. I should move out but can't afford rent anywhere. I had a chance to do what I really wanted and worked hard to get the opportunity, but evidently happiness and fulfillment are not my lot in life.  


As stupid as this may sound, I keep walking outside barefoot into the freezing rain hoping I'll get sick. Can you get sick from being cold? They say that's not exactly true, but a lifetime of hearing my granny yell ""put somethin' on your arms before you catch pneumonia!"" out the window at me is hard to break with. I do know that when it gets cold I get sore throats. My tonsils are so fussy that they might just get infected and if that was enough to land me in the hospital once, it can do it again. Though my uninsured self can't afford a hospital stay, I'd be perfectly happy to lay here and die of ""a chill"" like a failed Jane Austen heroine. Sickness really feels like the only appropriate way for me to go because I don't want to burden anyone with finding me or cleaning up a bloody aftermath. My mother died of the flu so there's something poetic about going out in a similar fashion, in the most morbid sense of the word.  ",4.9169032258064505,5.506267045161291,5.8711290322580645,80.57669354838711,68.87096774193549,9.296774193548387,29.37096774193548,9.3871,2.4399225806451614,1224,43,244,24,20,405,180,310,0.193,0.6809999999999999,0.126,-0.9624,6,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,2,5,10,13,1,0,18,0,27,12,3,0,3,42,46,20,3,7,10,1,4,3,0,6,9,4,3,1,12,12,0,2,3,0,4,8,8,4,0,1,3,10,30,9,44,33,3,35,0,1,0,1,9,18,1,8,8,157,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248733218717432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818849927698776,0.1213100782887598,0.08553005035224784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913212553257682,0.0,0.10408660344653346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539008497361611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639082795247486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993469413352563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618494354656198,0.08738651776832974,0.0,0.0,0.11179965252152076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473556160879124,0.0,0.20855441481153367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042706352796274,0.21915210964374413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786524221275145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214928687668256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138523330103165,0.10872498661277637,0.0,0.0,0.06722470797658035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727986129975674,0.17928034676984908,0.0,0.10801214250113554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399338137783608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976380157792752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300084166408861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026842582166254,0.08288822712601479,0.09303102738191488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459338244831581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672459486152635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972749817062054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760802187352266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941690815805868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037846408738546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018027156865264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442968025488055,0.09709312835496088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810304566184754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877104790604338
suicidewatch,GeneralRequirement7,2019/01/03,"my brain is numb i can't seem to focus at anything,i want to cry but i have lost all will of feeling.i want to by mad and angry and break things but it's just not in my system to be mean and destructive and terrible,as in i have no idea how,i've given myself 12 days from now,if things don't get better by then,things won't ever get better.i've tried to hang on,to fight,to try my best,though after all that failing,i just don't see it happening.death seems to be the only way out,no escape from the void encapsulating my life,no filling for the hole in my heart,no clearing for the fog and the haziness in my brain,now there's not but nothingness...",7.681304347826089,4.898322347826092,7.659710144927541,81.1117391304348,64.65217391304347,10.64927536231884,31.69565217391305,8.344100000000001,2.0508173913043475,516,12,116,5,6,167,86,138,0.197,0.769,0.034,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,4,22,20,8,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,2,1,10,1,19,14,2,13,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,2,3,67,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934539963122472,0.3260684083411091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115699569062608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248939842999145,0.11888438128160946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674654841281167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262062015787496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184443964011031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809800205967532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020515648354905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012294466652937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080086078611212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019926743576452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468955228404806,0.33563336081010964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449352925527816,0.0,0.18111361884660646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503102168628252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174576222577376,0.14632091949850273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mj_miner,2019/01/03,"The thoughts are flurrying through my head. Everyday I have thoughts of death and suicide, but today is one of those bad days. Those days where they're just pounding through my mind, urging me to do it. Why does my life have to be so shit where I have to feel like this? I'm crying getting closer to that edge and I just want to be happy. The person I need most, my dad, doesn't listen. He tells me just to control my thoughts and let go of feelings. How am I supposed to do that when he's the cause of 80% of my problems? I just want to fucking end it already, I'm a disappointment. Held back in school and a lazy sack of shit. I lost all hope at this point and I have nothing to hold onto, but I'm too pussy to actually end it, but if it stays this bad then I don't know how much longer I can fight this. I feel like if I don't, I'm just gonna watch myself become a failure. I really don't want to see what else life has in store for me cause most of the stuff it gave me was shit. I just want to feel normal.",2.144090909090909,2.894138272727276,3.3961363636363657,95.20420454545456,75.36363636363636,6.40909090909091,22.84090909090909,6.322622252153567,0.17418181818181822,780,20,193,5,16,254,116,220,0.24,0.675,0.084,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,14,14,5,0,7,0,19,7,4,5,1,43,46,15,2,10,11,1,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,15,5,0,3,8,0,1,1,4,10,0,1,7,7,25,4,26,35,4,19,0,2,2,1,8,8,4,5,11,122,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.11508711072567188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014371102878344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090684391009552,0.19694084998705788,0.0,0.13024944730541438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230254344261684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227362851926475,0.0,0.0,0.12954556785920462,0.1521160594295608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032053214149421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851918536797534,0.0,0.2089100169156421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385250126038712,0.16850493537395128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902859317677596,0.06161593597793062,0.0,0.06702492384263019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554352384696818,0.0,0.0,0.12103487472066304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713562070423475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481374565786711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205960699790432,0.16660132397686708,0.11523373024338328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873949520503844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908027840390815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669546562224723,0.08744697614504301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555082132195656,0.11316138358980793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799155047701901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029759020710188,0.0,0.0,0.1114862716858808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284743908755522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755518940537907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935606309536186,0.0939785690998738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631743693377522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570254099976266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500684672404106,0.12900125860166287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307999683635834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808805831913301,0.0,0.0,0.11178816580130442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27824341796768925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641758985331984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hyenarchy,2019/01/03,"Want to die, can't die Many of my friends are as depressed as me, I don't want to cause any fucking domino effect.
My mother already lived through too much of a bullshit. I think I'd cause her wa",2.727857142857143,3.505276071428572,3.6366666666666654,93.925,74.0,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.5936571428571433,153,6,35,0,3,49,32,42,0.326,0.586,0.08900000000000001,-0.9139,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,6,7,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27123037026318864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671425431826431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049787504454847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169465912891425,0.0,0.5101730121476344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898932390165808,0.2272247000092935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170330668274077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24918788192812835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806805957428173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748940030836692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28994126831829964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kendorable,2019/01/03,"On my way out I've fought so hard to give myself a chance to find peace and comfort, but there reaches a point that I have to give in and realize that it's not coming. No matter how hard I've loved and how much effort I put into the happiness of my environments, it remains bleak and lonely and devastating. 

No matter how I scream, even when I'm heard I'm ignored.

Death is a song that's stuck in my head and it isn't going away this time. 

The people I've loved most in this world don't believe in my pain. Maybe they will wonder if there's something they could have done in a few weeks time after I've tied loose ends and silenced my breath, but then it'll be too late.

If they care enough to stop me, they'd prevent it now. ",5.638919354838707,4.370657496774194,5.973991935483872,86.7409879032258,67.58064516129032,8.78225806451613,27.116935483870968,7.1686216300943375,1.0832096774193554,572,12,132,4,8,184,96,155,0.225,0.598,0.177,-0.8334,0,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,10,10,1,0,6,0,11,5,2,3,0,28,24,17,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,10,10,0,3,3,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,5,14,5,15,15,4,25,0,1,0,2,10,11,0,4,10,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394684028946022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965997607384765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791258502934162,0.0,0.0,0.15031478233526566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932264531590308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857228366488595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455364651541842,0.1803033278864105,0.0,0.11525444156199965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594882297452329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33478922386362925,0.09917137091113874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857566208974972,0.3126322955725274,0.0,0.17908553663244353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684161494252397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149829483149241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530693589397112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282762841734005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567843003675547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097510800143604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649572392923528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541892759346195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433727010136431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458883418680114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350265364447365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385085804160132,0.13997196228207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923589731252946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydisappear2,2019/01/03,"Suicidal thoughts are coming back after 5 years, I'm lost I just don't feel connected anymore. I don't feel connected to my life, to my friends, to my family, my hobbies. 

I haven't played games in months, even though I'm known for having a game ""addiction"".

I just deleted all my social media and I just feel disconnected. 

Since 5 years I've actually started to have suicidal thoughts again. I'm lost and I don't know what to do",2.5111627906976746,4.6244430813953485,4.1071511627907,84.76328488372096,77.48837209302326,8.020930232558143,27.02906976744186,8.841846274778883,2.2101906976744194,339,14,69,8,8,113,49,86,0.191,0.7709999999999999,0.038,-0.9106,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,14,21,3,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,3,11,2,8,17,1,9,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.18766339793501932,0.20964246434029546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071636809333167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787182377951816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565501689715986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701662582886533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128944802838284,0.0,0.2917078251128009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485755204937538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568662004248468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358317641342862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198505109091677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349720907488545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907791936233331,0.0,0.0,0.19603225325643373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611552649320285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207041844118876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894015430016786,0.3053397513314925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476781546836807
suicidewatch,thepassingsoap,2019/01/03,"Im starting to slip i guess I don't get this. I was fine. Just last month. I was fine. Sometime around two weeks ago I just started having irregular sleeping time. And everything slowly turned shit; just a pile of one thing on top of another. 

I was happily discussing about a possible child in the future with my boyfriend. I got excited imagining the things I want to do once we retire from our respective jobs. Just last month I was looking up to being alive. I was happily celebrating my birthday, unlike in 2017, where I self harmed right a day before my birthday party, and two days afterwards. 

For context, in 2018 I was severely depressed around June; I almost attempted suicide. I really don't want to be at the age where I'm at now. So I got some help and by August, I kinda ""get over it"". I had never felt so mentally healthy, in the longest while. I started to get optimistic about life. 

Then I met my current boyfriend, and if I was healing before him, afterwards, I was the happiest I'd been, in months. Somewhere though, deep down, I realised that if my depression resurface, it will take a toll on us. And he might emotionally leave me as my ex did. Maybe not. Idk. I just don't know. But then I brushed it off, thinking that I'm better now. I'm healthier now, i shouldn't worry about it. 

But here I am on SuicideWatch worrying about falling in yet again another phase. What is wrong with me??? My psych continuosly said I have nothing. So I believed in her. I do. But sometimes I doubt as I can't explain why do I feel these things that I felt? Am I valid? 

Most of all what the fuck is happening. Why am I crying, endlessly, for half an hour now? I'd never cried this much since September. 

You know what I'm looking up to now? If it was to have a kid someday in around 10 years, last month. Right now I'm hoping I'll be able to afford my own funeral. And live right until I'm able to finish paying off my study loans in around 10 years if, due my calculations, I stayed working at this workplace paying me lower than my country's minimum wage, and if I still have no commitments up to then. Yeah, funeral is expensive on this part of the world. I'm sure it's around the same rate anywhere else though. So idk. 

I don't know what the fuck is going on in my brain.  I love my boyfriend but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if I have an attempt in the near future, or the distant future, if things don't change with my mental health. 

I'm starting to imagine myself self harming as I used to last head . I've started pinching myself, flicking a rubber band around my wrist. It wasn't like this last month. ",2.5440291538086734,4.514945688931302,3.778314114016567,87.83142520708138,76.84351145038167,7.0549943154133485,25.843592658762393,7.987972078202968,1.5295410589572844,2047,77,420,34,47,667,255,524,0.094,0.8170000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.8002,5,0,0,0,0,2,76.0,3,1,0,5,33,19,3,1,20,1,42,11,5,1,5,65,84,33,3,12,18,1,3,1,0,4,3,1,0,4,24,17,0,0,10,1,5,2,13,9,0,4,19,7,68,10,66,57,8,96,0,2,2,3,19,42,3,16,52,282,92,6,0.1396534218176137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061897166118005865,0.0,0.06992136452767694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643878938192992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729634609874277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883477600624713,0.078670791663764,0.0,0.06175605139136624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794970245402026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386740145006303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340272624715753,0.0900649038330308,0.0,0.1202832875753471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058331256996464874,0.07854565135406211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275574531252466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035306483093404034,0.0,0.13408918552597598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291073381251251,0.10944472337592144,0.0,0.039684128966659286,0.0,0.11169359901041916,0.0,0.07692199439904691,0.0,0.061747529850403785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166235039902072,0.07422252845185318,0.0,0.0,0.04680337243827811,0.0,0.0,0.06935367937949045,0.06876524472538116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754248301052629,0.0,0.06929223613874468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512480256768848,0.28459044518817395,0.0,0.07393640467129663,0.0,0.0,0.04932067093606366,0.034113803866637864,0.0,0.06165826501712391,0.0,0.11727370171374354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630213328120085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015031645574275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407378023567937,0.07407510565061906,0.0,0.0,0.2786750723086444,0.0,0.051330666882303866,0.0,0.10770932826610853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700061235380758,0.0,0.0,0.07436316822056532,0.04731638644128968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561552335093384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787191248935751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473277902330183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788948887683637,0.06642119223017896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456889762353503,0.07888430794389224,0.07167611531109178,0.05776137683308561,0.0,0.06987713892433813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812080510636945,0.0,0.2471185268868108,0.0744259830892723,0.05576370153061273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637908840045113,0.0,0.06581084866637064,0.0,0.05250099656202873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855590560447664,0.044742136871352194,0.13720877787665406,0.0,0.08143303332491927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595141022398592,0.1364211006799562,0.0,0.08399293568714522,0.06030785875506552,0.0,0.0,0.08237120648342212,0.0,0.056010775608771456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260154914901721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083467717372455,0.14182482879420094,0.0,0.0,0.07634454679806157,0.0,0.08993222493325369
suicidewatch,descendingbronzedove,2019/01/03,"If it's on the mind then it's time. There is no perfect timing. There is time to think and time to take action. There is no guarantee. There are your efforts, your focus, your goals, your reality. There is no policy that insures anyone will understand or even try to assist you in becoming successful. There are ways you must assist yourself. There is absolutely no way that your decision will satisfy everyone else. You have to remember to save yourself first. There is no perfect timing. There is only your mind.

 Sucide is on my mind and it has been for 4 months now. I think I've spent more time worrying about how. I certainly cannot shoot a weapon or I would've stole my boyfriend's pistol New Year's Eve after he passed out from a rather agressive sex session. I'm 21 btw. Rough sex is still one of those habbits I feel trapped in. It's so sad. I honestly allow myself to be utilized like a porn star just to feel useful at all. I shouldn't put up with the pain but I'm so caught up in the moment you know...the moment where he's satisfied and I like being apart of that.

I've always liked being apart of someone else desire. I've never wanted anything for myself. Not the good grades, the good looks,  the good reputation, even though it was set in my brain to achieve those things. 

When I tried to discover what it was that brought me pure bliss I realized I didn't know. And I don't think that I'm going to find out...not this time. It simply is not on my mind. What's on my mind is self destruction like the majority of the human race. I'm just another popular dimwit caught in the flow. Sad but true.

",1.767668845315903,4.105626703703706,3.058569353667391,90.107091503268,81.34567901234567,6.527814088598403,20.94916485112564,7.724431198458867,0.8489040668119099,1268,37,264,22,34,410,171,324,0.103,0.738,0.159,0.955,0,1,0,2,0,0,40.0,0,10,0,7,23,20,2,0,12,0,28,5,1,3,8,47,48,15,0,6,10,0,3,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,18,6,0,0,11,0,1,8,12,5,0,2,8,4,29,15,33,33,3,47,0,2,1,3,14,16,0,3,24,164,47,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711937739108475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978782254075374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732091702330698,0.0,0.08615976253144814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563370731181855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688061798717045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492801514506992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830766184255444,0.0,0.0,0.10004601441942884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587964887601227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569455132714018,0.08905836969549756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059503825824629424,0.263453961968112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508154315020895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460591136586773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792222611773741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528589346996599,0.0,0.08357110712068892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075164147131705,0.10112059730451482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094791017887307,0.07962960728434776,0.11140893645805984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525313120071284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860549325538615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922567399375432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871257107512323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361412155478971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872190309811436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955849881666135,0.20126396033422567,0.10286791512095517,0.0,0.4273627783018476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216981752189994,0.0,0.0,0.10899713066814096,0.0,0.09042779611548736,0.0,0.0,0.0617551909438665,0.16621309897341405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632865240998696,0.0,0.07437637975242999,0.0,0.0,0.06742382392902764
suicidewatch,throwauwyayay7462,2019/01/03,"Suicidal thoughts are coming back after 5 years, I'm lost. I just don't feel connected anymore. I don't feel connected to my life, to my friends, to my family, my hobbies. 

I haven't played games in months, even though I'm known for having a game ""addiction"".

I just deleted all my social media and I just feel disconnected. 

Since 5 years I've actually started to have suicidal thoughts again. I'm lost and I don't know what to do",2.5111627906976746,4.6244430813953485,4.1071511627907,84.76328488372096,77.48837209302326,8.020930232558143,27.02906976744186,8.841846274778883,2.2101906976744194,339,14,69,8,8,113,49,86,0.191,0.7709999999999999,0.038,-0.9106,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,14,21,3,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,3,11,2,8,17,1,9,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.18766339793501932,0.20964246434029546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071636809333167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787182377951816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565501689715986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701662582886533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128944802838284,0.0,0.2917078251128009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485755204937538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568662004248468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358317641342862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198505109091677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349720907488545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907791936233331,0.0,0.0,0.19603225325643373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611552649320285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207041844118876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894015430016786,0.3053397513314925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476781546836807
suicidewatch,Nithin_palwai,2019/01/03,"Feel like jumping of the building i am in. I never thought i would be in this situation. I took a wrong turn everytime there's a turn. I've been lying to parents for 2 years about my completed education part. Some distant relative came to aid me financially for my studies and they are told the same lie. I lost all my home buddies. I've ignored my career for girls. One of them, who i thought as my girl revealed get opinion of me today. It made me realise everything. I've had such clear moments before, but In a week,i am again I'm the same pit. If i didn't have parents, i would have died today. The thought of them getting hurt stopping me.i hate myself for even thinking like this, but the truth is i am thinking like this frequently. Should i man up?, How to deal with this fucking shit?",1.9936556603773568,4.260521113207552,3.2768199685534616,89.26919221698117,80.0062893081761,5.987578616352201,27.54756289308176,7.1686216300943375,1.4322732704402514,623,28,127,8,16,202,103,159,0.17800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.9565,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,1,6,11,3,0,8,0,14,2,1,2,4,28,32,6,1,4,3,2,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,2,7,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,11,1,22,4,18,17,5,15,0,2,0,1,11,4,2,3,11,84,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177833749823863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368276355334302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005090682558606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754287395767088,0.0,0.0,0.1485283520954855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945245657602434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862043569165948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236206367399363,0.10223971674754367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230535306326632,0.14954092181426398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129412836276786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355367207638695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320506822304472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975285822401435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622437995391336,0.0,0.0,0.13541666430841104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103773101622138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697684585094088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178193573397389,0.1549770703863974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469030944352172,0.0,0.1608646320803119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964859642426486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834016346873236,0.0,0.3408464114316473,0.0,0.0,0.27130814612376325,0.1367502847355618,0.15900343704252234,0.0,0.31133096820875056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147963477503338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332626277553895,0.15647123339780045,0.0,0.09215986437601012
suicidewatch,eidolize12,2019/01/03,"gave my best shot I'm not mad at anyone or holding any grudges. I wish everyone else joy and success in their lives. I'm tired of the cycle I've been trapped into. almost completely out of money. in a foreign country, that I expected to do ""well"" in haha.

I have about a month left, I need to put a stop to this cycle while I'm here. I don't want to return back to my home country and continue failing there too.

thinking about throwing away all of my belongings soon and find a good spot in the forest. im at peace because I know that I'll finally get my own escape.

I was born with all the tools necessary to be inadequate in every way and measure. a specimen designed to fail slowly and perpetually.

my appearance is the biggest cause of all of my problems. the world is a less beautiful place while I'm here. I never cheated anyone out of an opportunity to improve their lives. I never deceived anyone into believing I was their friend only to betray them.

My crime is being ugly. I apologize to the world for that. all I need now is to decide what tool is best to correct the mistake of my existence ",2.9487306501548005,4.829023606334847,4.857628006668255,80.95292926887355,75.38009049773756,7.548559180757322,27.921171707549416,8.371475516178862,2.142062443438914,871,36,165,16,19,298,129,221,0.14,0.657,0.203,0.9434,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,4,6,10,15,2,0,14,1,13,1,0,1,7,35,26,8,0,7,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,5,10,0,2,4,0,1,3,4,6,1,0,4,0,24,9,35,20,8,34,0,2,0,0,7,17,0,3,13,118,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342904067238888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041957663609392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214077735194708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395649401833224,0.11781775377619448,0.0,0.09340230759101074,0.0,0.0,0.17262798252644035,0.3215926896654677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740052441693586,0.0,0.0,0.16064966133883735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799676983763122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290955885430656,0.14640955789952975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678464901443942,0.14004153023490767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837842831236944,0.0,0.0800518269232567,0.0,0.0,0.1285147916601734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369349836602034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655053416663189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420644216960271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664754357910556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705945032682142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222998129182662,0.0,0.0,0.2272233664301547,0.2363474886248119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653173458102747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600836903016757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661213076119406,0.0,0.154029768162808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809990223896334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817804878631936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610539221213073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903739170076992,0.12161996896641225,0.0,0.0,0.13776438709535624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619698094894087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Needhugs5,2019/01/03,I just stood with a ceramic knife in my hand thinking about how sharp it was. Thinking how little it'd hurt. But ended up stabbing the closest other thing which happened to be a carton of orange juice. I don't know how I am going to get to my goal of living till 21 like just under 3 years is a long tine to me. My medication isn't working and it would just be so easy to go. The knife would make a mess and would be traumatic for whoever found me but would this be a problem since I suddenly wouldn't have any responsibilities. I'm in two minds I just hope I don't literally become two minds; however that would be difficult because of the skull plus would die before getting all the way through. I'm fucked. My brain is fucked. The graphic imagery is all that can explain how I feel. I need to die!,3.0284240150093784,4.512800829268297,4.3678048780487835,86.21696998123831,74.24390243902441,7.241275797373358,26.03001876172608,7.882392219407189,1.3841703564727958,632,22,133,9,13,209,99,164,0.205,0.738,0.057,-0.9835,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,2,0,10,0,23,6,3,5,2,35,42,11,2,10,6,0,3,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,6,0,2,3,3,14,2,19,26,2,14,0,1,0,2,1,6,2,1,6,91,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109316416677007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165698123923665,0.1479414262766046,0.11398480098820582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953672014064756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780457510344145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864328987707312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773105624877937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687340618349862,0.0,0.24767622301969502,0.139970643077947,0.0,0.15225804077476984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845488564966156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304632881969627,0.0,0.0,0.14340029245382685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361749453316377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544305085381717,0.13425687891682814,0.11828364227127346,0.11854488040547645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941518860862356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494434113597875,0.0,0.0,0.27051026461832833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993250308704849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817567702324664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080795141613953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899293954873161,0.1716643473725248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617067584791734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632627587418046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751994753862407,0.0,0.0,0.5709415337965341,0.0,0.0,0.08626184275303883
suicidewatch,abcdefg194502940,2019/01/03,"Its frustrating Its frustrating that I don't want to be alive anymore. how i don't really have a reason to live, how im completely fine with dropping dead in an instant but I cant because other people will be sad.  


I don't care anymore, Nothing is appealing to me anymore, i essentially took a year long vacation to find anything remotely close to a hobby, nothing.

​

Why do people want me to stay alive? i dont get it. This world sucks, realistically dreams never come true, realistically I'll be working at a dead end job for a company that's irrelevant, probably an hour drive away from the apartment i can barely afford, that pays me bare minimum so that when the weekend finally comes i have 3$ in my wallet to celebrate it.

  
gee, cant wait to do that for the next 30-35 years of my life, and after i retire ill be to old to enjoy anything anyways so really whats the point?  
",6.1535593220339,5.914124271186445,7.713000000000004,71.28983898305087,66.17514124293785,10.921807909604519,34.64915254237288,10.577609850970193,3.684101016949152,704,30,133,17,10,246,112,177,0.17600000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.105,-0.9042,2,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,11,0,17,2,0,3,2,15,26,7,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,2,2,1,4,7,4,0,0,1,0,14,4,20,20,0,26,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,12,83,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507619648591597,0.16907462820663313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139790009544741,0.0,0.0,0.22900655129881994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072993390306922,0.0,0.0,0.08482060903908943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186611001679214,0.0,0.0,0.23971967406811706,0.1458893518600292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307518978357613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323987432612872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152424944161564,0.12717467257130308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269675545977518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702835620759884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029889776203806,0.0,0.13807849087078675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828119557219007,0.0,0.0,0.12286629293112218,0.12313765218676763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073160741263377,0.0,0.14798073078967555,0.0,0.0,0.2670239541038412,0.0,0.14600773625182914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292921833713572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315356182006785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500202674913548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827782632462175,0.14306273097921884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483084974478872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545935900315073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414092712585018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255554002937872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129815256642803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907462820663313,0.17920775243234593
suicidewatch,LookingForSWHelp,2019/01/03,"I think my sister might be suicidal So I'm an older teenager (almost ending high school) and my sister is about the middle school starting age. (I'm trying to be kind of vague because of privacy). I think my sister may be suicidal. I'll try and explain my situation a bit.

So she obviously (like many other children at a similar age I think) gets kind of angry/annoyed our parents when they are kind of strict to her (telling her to stop playing video games and stuff or telling her to eat her food). I kind of also felt the same (but not to the same extent) at a similar age, so maybe its my parents parenting, but this isn't about that right now.

Recently I have started to get very worried about her. One of my parents recently found a piece of paper that she drew on saying that she hated her life with broken hearts and stuff. She also recently just asked me if humans really only have one life. Then, when I said bye to leave her room, she said 'bye bye forever'. Later when I questioned her about it she very briefly mentioned suicide and then said that she was joking immediately after. Perhaps she is afraid of the consequences it may have if she says it aloud.

I told my parents about my conversation with her and they said that they will talk to her about it later. But, I fear that they may just have a strict conversation with her which may make the situation even worse. I've tried to tell them to be less strict on her, but I doubt that they will seriously change in the long term unless I try much harder.

I don't really know why I have posted here, since I've read all of the advice in the resources section already. Also, as I was typing this, it seemed that maybe my mind was exaggerating it all a bit. Specially because she seems to be playing happily with a friend right now. I also realized that she is probably too young to think of a good means to do it. We don't even have sharp knives in the house. Also maybe its just the holidays and feeling lonely because she isn't able to meet anyone else from school.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance",5.723587223587224,6.117901633906637,6.183278624078626,79.72799901719902,67.05896805896806,9.165562653562654,29.302113022113023,9.065960079200117,2.2406032235872235,1643,53,321,27,25,532,191,407,0.117,0.8079999999999999,0.075,-0.95,5,2,0,0,0,1,42.0,2,0,6,1,26,18,1,3,19,0,32,5,1,1,3,54,59,29,3,3,12,8,3,1,1,8,2,6,1,2,24,12,2,1,14,7,0,1,5,6,0,2,10,9,57,12,46,35,12,40,0,1,0,0,65,14,0,13,28,225,81,6,0.06708643110608706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311121680953849,0.0,0.0,0.06717737013785045,0.0,0.07403154493535488,0.2682449735893892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562107364388578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046908392466593146,0.06873797657583014,0.0,0.0,0.06271675708167472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226857971855882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648201506905045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096854876692063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864616716741319,0.056042104846316686,0.0,0.05941866565229401,0.0,0.0,0.08861991007673994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754908861324059,0.03392091528895341,0.0,0.06441349441911888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112117878561358,0.07355680902201031,0.05183081025747524,0.0,0.07009978272519468,0.0,0.0,0.05626891551762047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623396177053009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949774386928522,0.0,0.07088049776423662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740873429976833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794407778353272,0.03686894807416269,0.0,0.0,0.07103484402538457,0.0,0.0,0.0947702605434022,0.03277504157190829,0.0,0.0,0.05936938044201469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478071369798802,0.06801511150984801,0.2021920112258144,0.07307679053572523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116810182275976,0.0677381712253753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931624592666962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091900385593607,0.05102225388654348,0.0,0.0,0.3724577129972527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425025659725253,0.0,0.07233051935404823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515215628983958,0.0,0.0671045856471007,0.0,0.08595457122560987,0.0,0.1987192720497248,0.0,0.0,0.11458289122113265,0.25525823448012697,0.1066996453354813,0.0,0.2036851495589459,0.0,0.12214593457767794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549458906300568,0.15081591874903938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949682424577087,0.0,0.0,0.056087260336223514,0.0,0.0,0.15359582665690094,0.22014500118505526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053921532134227707,0.17590949322259622,0.06176417241621004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194510488567274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641039598477118,0.0,0.18218913220815974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070666304391412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605350694463892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812952724109149,0.06836680465125436,0.04765627585402373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ugocomp,2019/01/03,"Sad, sick and tired Hello Reddit,
My name is Ugo and I live in Brazil. I saw my life turning upside down and I really don't know how can I fix. I was a medical student in a famous University, but I'm not anymore because of my illness. I have depression, anxiety and PTSD.
In 2015 I woke up in a Saturday morning with my former roommate punching and beating his girlfriend because she didn't want to give money for him (he is cocaine addict) and I tried to talk to him but he became more aggressive and gave me a broken nose, broken skull and PTSD as consequence. She pressed charges against me because they have a abusive relationship and he told her to do that.
Now, after years of treatment, my uni informed me that I'm no longer medical student because took too long to recover.
The only alternative always seems to be a solution is suicide, but I'm really afraid of suffer a terrible pain and get disabled or not being able to kill myself because I'm stuck to a bed.
I don't wanna kill myself, I just tired and sick.
I want to leave my country, because everything here remembers that I'm a failure. I'm thinking to move to Canada or US.
Can anyone help me? I'm a smart guy, hard worker, I just need a opportunity!",4.026270170585526,5.411170771784235,5.691417704011066,78.10502881512221,71.57261410788382,8.343107422775473,31.64615029967727,8.841846274778883,2.7751989857077004,960,44,177,18,18,328,140,241,0.337,0.615,0.048,-0.9979,0,0,1,0,0,3,27.0,1,0,1,3,6,11,3,1,12,0,14,12,2,1,0,32,36,18,3,4,9,0,2,0,1,0,10,0,1,1,3,12,0,0,5,0,1,2,6,9,0,0,8,4,32,2,26,26,1,14,0,3,1,0,22,6,0,3,6,113,35,3,0.12357998624838268,0.1464220757554378,0.0,0.1347204261018143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282844834494546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453835122671572,0.0,0.12255813942550366,0.08640999976266939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519992755343094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643926107220428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106572315653296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456544223894586,0.11854918353980914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236361560365938,0.0,0.0,0.11070339409549254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283305982798114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734458897711871,0.0,0.0679163285462647,0.0,0.0,0.13085336189565944,0.0,0.0,0.08728819898161665,0.0,0.0,0.10912339194762607,0.10936439899444088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489876697425955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134596793545258,0.0,0.0916329939268558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398814826935133,0.13149781840515373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889167814380603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833700727422792,0.0,0.0,0.13267865671197865,0.13999203394084767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250257814084012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351764471123224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932891181976984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791850652468236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28407402968428497,0.0,0.11808597276429425,0.13730191181934534,0.08390269865930562,0.13441953815186272,0.0,0.0,0.14865150745442812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578135547266802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958145941495451
suicidewatch,ex-plore,2019/01/03,"I’m on the verge I’m on academic suspension because my gpa is shit even tho I got good grades last semester, I don’t have any friends, my family is embarrassed of me. I’m so tired of living everyday. I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up. ",-0.4155219780219781,1.8134379423076936,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,92.65384615384615,7.586813186813187,20.89010989010989,8.418075326091056,1.7045571428571429,191,7,42,6,7,68,41,52,0.17600000000000002,0.716,0.107,-0.5915,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,4,4,3,0,1,4,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,7,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,24,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681778123530668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435800322240698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058658577499628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30056794256815145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463300484196314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120048237419226,0.2674224966795026,0.2550003558828434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598919381121261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815359100572736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245904127748606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272781085856701,0.0,0.0,0.31906385776178503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664523208240595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inkspent,2019/01/03,"I wish I could just fucking die already I used to want to die because I felt like a burden and the only thing I could do to make life better for friends and family was to die. Now, I’m just tired. It’s not even that I want it to be over just because it’s too hard anymore I’m just so tired and so fucking weak. I can’t even be happy even if I were hypothetically put into a nice situation, I just want to stop. I don’t know what’s wrong or what to do to fix it. I fell through every hole in the mental health system and I just don’t want to try anymore. I have someone I love who loves me and I feel awful for still considering suicide so strongly. But I’m so tired and I just want this static existence to stop. I’d like to lie down, just like going to sleep, with all my blankets and things and just go to sleep and never wake up. I wish something could be enough. ",1.7475709219858149,2.9496759202127683,3.545872340425536,91.9636666666667,77.03191489361703,6.077163120567375,22.107801418439717,6.42735559955562,0.21142439716312025,675,18,159,5,15,227,99,188,0.205,0.596,0.198,-0.7586,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,19,15,2,0,4,1,14,13,3,2,2,43,35,16,4,11,13,0,3,3,1,0,6,0,0,0,11,11,0,2,3,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,3,3,19,10,22,26,2,15,0,0,0,4,4,5,2,2,8,105,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625651380262365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895808717545966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844095118593782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317364935520844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523405748368052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280104792703439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885487017247633,0.0,0.20874834791074853,0.0,0.08876204782319326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931474855521412,0.0,0.053268202898256,0.0,0.10115266822474853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813932670642091,0.1947890381692457,0.0,0.0,0.1197458397679652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214719710672062,0.09437304442797166,0.0,0.0,0.11198228650345313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578976890785531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441192881063749,0.15440629030016828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016525289519698,0.0,0.07032204534793188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616817584979037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812525328129582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012353880202698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590600191811844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184179862450078,0.21085247173013694,0.0,0.08926284296974517,0.0811036949102871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413276846725651,0.17615489075969684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523596862750556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997992126335684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36325351056223215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152583868721481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909887073154662,0.0,0.0,0.3106912495592625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422949540847381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518385442854527,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wLolololololololol,2019/01/03,"I don’t know what to do I am 19M, and i failed my. IB finals for the second fucking time, cant find a college anymore, dont have any friends, and the only child, help me please ",1.1329166666666666,1.824647125000002,3.180000000000004,96.01166666666668,77.75,5.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.12816666666666654,135,4,34,0,3,46,33,40,0.151,0.721,0.129,-0.2153,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,2,8,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,20,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443020000020245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272988656619761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867900872559882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615292892222539,0.3016394018359752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549786355985225,0.30510535437016983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121065682045715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137463082678626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510009898846985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36227138479547616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924418460704228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GalaxyCereal,2019/01/03,"Please tell me the easiest and most painless way to die. I am not talking about the least agony, because I know Shotgun to the head is. I am not brave enough to do it and I don't have access to weapons.

Do not tell me that suicide is not an option, I know it's not an option, yet I chose it. The choice is actually very fucking late, because I kept fucking holding on too damn much, that now I'm so fucking drained of all energy, I feel so empty yet full of pain and confusion.

It hurts to hate yourself more than anything and to see failure of your actions all around you when no one seems to understand and everyone seems to agree that you're what you're afraid to be.

Please, once again please, tell me the most painless and best, easiest way to end my life. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking tired of living. It's not my choice, it's like jumping from your window to avoid the fire in your home. It's the least I can endure at this point. I don't care about my family, I don't care about my friends, I don't care about my successful career, I am sooooooooo fucking lonely and miserable, I fought sooooooooo damn much, I'm all out of energy and hope. I reached a point of preferring death to life. I can't hide it anymore. I just can't.

I know this will hurt few people I know, but they will be okay after a while, meanwhile if I stay here I'm being hurt everyday.


Release me. ",3.9991992882562286,5.068700619217083,4.209072953736655,89.91019306049824,71.27758007117437,7.470533807829182,27.57313167259787,7.7348632917899725,1.388608398576512,1098,38,235,13,20,341,141,281,0.189,0.693,0.117,-0.9614,0,3,0,1,0,2,33.0,0,4,1,2,15,29,10,4,11,1,22,10,1,0,3,40,46,14,3,3,9,0,2,1,1,2,4,0,2,0,14,10,0,3,9,0,0,2,13,19,0,1,2,3,35,10,30,39,14,23,0,5,1,5,11,8,7,9,11,155,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0952565558819058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680622100409317,0.0,0.0,0.08032747590568036,0.08689658327904852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900839325774695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243919627797278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985699702364417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130725377234913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645646143663134,0.10086069184238004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932737460807501,0.0,0.0,0.09202118594748616,0.0,0.049356246431653344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541583775168062,0.4512098797677284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637298143177116,0.10017946609999057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791415633323487,0.09695208897868106,0.0,0.0,0.31349135380639165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145829935687858,0.0,0.11011211883444504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789440213883067,0.04768895576227533,0.0,0.08619438290362866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435140983848037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395503982718683,0.0661453371969503,0.0,0.10386749447859536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767281132169897,0.0,0.0,0.32145046090250484,0.18455234825080252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778520776755221,0.17772706886844405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404285106942447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677316965682077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845791911328376,0.2559551304321421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121921947740404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161894752597142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054124271524075,0.0,0.1549618790804132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Coredintol71,2019/01/03,"I don't want to die Every fucking day I want to get a gun and blow my head off, or for a tanker to t-bone me and explode, or for anything, really. 

But I don't want to die. 

I want help. But the American healthcare system is gonna fuck me if I go, even if I have insurance. Beyond that, I'm worried I'll end up homeless and/or get fired. 

I can't get professional help or I'll owe money I can't ever pay out, and I can't risk being homeless or losing the best job I ever had. 

I feel stuck in this cycle, with little hope of improvement. 

What the fuck do I do?",1.6780017921146957,2.2992835564516163,4.24784946236559,89.14732974910395,76.33870967741936,7.124014336917562,22.648745519713263,7.3871296695380915,0.6696121863799287,427,11,102,5,9,152,75,124,0.191,0.62,0.189,0.3934,2,0,0,1,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,3,1,5,0,11,4,1,0,2,21,28,11,2,7,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,5,0,0,2,2,15,2,13,24,1,12,0,1,0,3,2,6,3,7,4,62,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617341211166162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365782671332936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671892892923457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434778514400511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656344196287446,0.0,0.0,0.10929595022625667,0.29936671003249393,0.1394214487150653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367010677036575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589422601447825,0.2593645950544209,0.0,0.09404435154147828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698270681177419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218313933315845,0.0,0.0,0.16435592701907395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421031742947206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658513541021224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512635495847787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600875729007607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39041031773336493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804985272119244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,junjiparty,2019/01/03,I doubt it'll work but maybe I can think I deserve to be here I'm at work planning on how I'll kill myself. I tried to kill myself last new year and failed miserably ending up in the psych ward. This year I tried to make a change and have a fun New year's. And something horrible happened. It only showed me that I indeed should have just stuck to trying to end myself. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want empathy. I'm not joking at all when I say I'm an awful bad despicable person. No it's not my mental illness convincing me. It's hard rational concrete evidence. I need to get rid of myself before I hurt anyone else or ruin anything else. It's only right. Ive tried to get better to no avail. It's over now.,0.6962499999999991,2.680966662420385,3.118403662420384,90.18231886942677,83.0127388535032,5.70843949044586,18.729697452229303,6.9077264865688965,0.20227420382165606,574,14,124,7,16,198,97,157,0.336,0.585,0.079,-0.9935,1,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,5,5,12,2,2,4,1,9,1,0,2,1,18,22,7,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,1,3,20,4,17,18,1,17,0,4,0,0,2,7,0,2,10,71,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923159421092076,0.14541063208060825,0.11678551424105445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849468123725722,0.0,0.0,0.12076082679083774,0.0,0.0,0.12551396276401114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501292596627001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371067143601677,0.0,0.2513924953945898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717574473184864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829144270109404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549664345115102,0.0,0.1271296645159972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519249735810294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140200398905817,0.0,0.0,0.11568121256319715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473063084220633,0.0,0.14257459810231082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301885310440154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052295810051582,0.0,0.27412844719157475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586839058711288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838730747150977,0.12391636059076885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119625473487584,0.0,0.11285801273109185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925456084890864,0.0,0.1588643474381976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093461733271208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854090299469376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741252574370905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066343826767204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27416948648538003
suicidewatch,okay-moon,2019/01/03,Imagine not killing yourself because it will make other people uncomfortable. Title says it all.,7.440000000000001,11.613430666666671,6.2150000000000025,63.86250000000001,75.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,40.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,4.248333333333335,80,5,8,1,2,24,14,15,0.136,0.68,0.184,0.2302,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432357489559071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6229417381050883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758464832320748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903544521880705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44776738856723597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idfk3333,2019/01/03,i’m thinking about killing myself. i’m thinking that i’m gonna kill myself within the next week or so. everything’s my fault i should’ve just ended a long time ago. i put everyone into stress so i might as well. ,0.0086666666666666,2.3363324222222244,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,91.44444444444444,4.777777777777779,18.61111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.06411111111111101,169,5,36,2,6,56,35,45,0.315,0.635,0.05,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,1,4,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509699871390156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149182900354742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318650761293394,0.21808062170476847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5369185735176695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147400246200363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574161937314983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25806392446778104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393300842942225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779578751363561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109641348919482,0.0,0.0,0.14149275453875634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464137834865847,0.0,0.2181739400080461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Red7349,2019/01/03,"Ending it if things don’t get better soon I don’t fucking want to live. I had one friend who told me to stop talking to her cause I’m too fucking codependent but she’s all I fucking have and I can’t help it. She was the only reason I didn’t end it last year, though I got close so many times. It’s been a while since I’ve talked to anybody. If things don’t get better I’m gonna fucking do it. I don’t fucking care anymore I just wanna be dead I fucking hate being alive so much.",-1.1750793650793625,0.8344002222222251,1.1852380952380948,100.305,93.07407407407408,3.4560846560846565,16.973544973544975,4.65589566412798,-0.9603566137566136,376,10,91,1,14,126,68,108,0.118,0.6890000000000001,0.193,0.7385,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,7,0,2,0,13,6,0,2,1,12,29,8,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,0,13,4,5,20,2,9,0,0,0,6,9,1,6,2,8,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057397732440135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328898420269901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423885407031144,0.13525381729279562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332280698096327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017222425000178,0.7303200310671705,0.13757660862618662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530265473141603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998961597338848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882507039221491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732263855770192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162605386514706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348526932728547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678720248483276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921802410719337,0.10013538389544886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537114018666194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891271076148668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007587704574064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165091344252496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494163841158672,0.0,0.12935789240274242,0.0,0.0767735543300557,0.0,0.0,0.12580931142012947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765804659338489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478643463257958
suicidewatch,w-under,2019/01/03,"I’ve made my decision I’ve struggled at lot the past few months. I’ve had anxiety attack’s and I’ve constantly worried about whether I should end it or try to get help. I was so stressed and emotional because I don’t know how to ask for help or what to say, but I also didn’t know if I could kill myself or how I would do it. I used to imagine myself committing suicide and I would laugh because I thought that there was no possible way I could ever find the courage to go through with it. Yesterday I realized that I’m finally at the point where I can bring myself to commit suicide. I mapped out a bridge close to my house where I can jump off of. Once I get home from this trip I’m going to head out in the middle of the night and I’m going to jump of the bridge and I’m going to die. It’s strange, I feel so calm now. I’m not struggling with what to do, not torn between two decisions. There’s no more pain, just certainty. ",2.4575544388609707,3.5087546884422096,3.8744522613065335,90.9140569514238,74.97989949748744,7.517721943048577,26.331993299832497,8.021203637495839,1.346754505862647,729,26,168,11,15,241,110,199,0.199,0.6629999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9559,0,0,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,0,0,13,9,2,3,7,0,14,2,1,4,3,41,33,16,4,6,9,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,9,10,0,0,9,0,0,8,6,6,0,1,6,2,21,3,27,22,3,30,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,5,9,109,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806308864724873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337377064071443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632793057586425,0.1537294227474756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647474942974915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602708699543035,0.0,0.21577997271690394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140243185848307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200260691646125,0.11968471296528092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222324553850046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832558364126204,0.0,0.0,0.14802786671503426,0.12350600214725255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119927269133428,0.0,0.3071890525905892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868194980407045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114903881900016,0.0,0.13554600201362887,0.0,0.0,0.15592141028356776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950087623204034,0.0,0.14852738341213986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148823497575605,0.0,0.12786289049617436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785915386353626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680997138456795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390860898384672,0.0,0.0,0.14378741688618846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899648907377692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277411454299193,0.15233831525654667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746047799359597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547904950139102,0.28253358585573485,0.0,0.2956196899669863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727780465197337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174412515979047,0.0,0.13200197964042953,0.0,0.0,0.1167085839927357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725958309023333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723066350944746,0.0,0.1919843750770216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,planetbyter,2019/01/03,"My rigid/restricted and neurotic way of thinking is slowly killing me. Need some advice. I am in the process of getting an ""autism spectrum diagnosis"". In particular, I struggle with rigid/restricted thinking and ""black and white"" thinking. I view the world in extremes: either yes or no. All or nothing.

My mind is swayed easily by enticing ideas, so I try to compartmentalize myself so that I don't get too distracted-- but that is far easier said than done. I have a particular playlist of music that I have created. It's an amalgamation of 346 songs that I have discovered over the past 5 years. I tend to listen to only two or three songs a day, but I repeat those songs constantly because for me there is a certain sense of comfort in the familiar. I can listen to one song for several hours. 170 hours out of 1628 hours of listening time has just been on just one song: *183 Times* by Greg Haines. I fast forward to ""1 minute and 46 seconds"" in the track because everything before that time-mark is buildup. This process repeats itself depending on the track I'm listening to.

I'm sensitive to information that I consume. I try not to listen to certain songs in my playlist because an influx of emotions or ideas may even push me to change my life/career trajectory, so I hand-pick only a few tracks that are conducive to my current worldview.  If I listen to one song, for example, I feel overwhelmingly bombarded with emotions and ideas. I can't even put my playlist on shuffle because I will skip 99% of the songs because most of them simply do not fit into the worldview that I am creating for myself.

I try not to read any works of fiction because every time I am enthralled by a piece of literature I immediately entertain fantasies about becoming a novelist or a fiction writer again. I can't read philosophy without wanting to be a philosopher. I can't consume certain pieces of art or enjoy certain types of architecture because of the ideas associated with them. For some reason I cannot enjoy something purely for pleasure's sake-- only video games but that's about it. 

  
I specifically cannot listen to certain songs or read literature or consume certain pieces of art from certain artists because I am profoundly effected by the art itself or anything with ideas associated with said topic. I would love to read ""Light in August"" by William Faulkner or visit Japan or listen to Chopin's music without wanting to become a novelist again, rekindle my interest in Japanese Zen or want to be a Parisian intellectual and study at the doctoral level.  


Yes, I've learned French because I wanted to study in France to get a doctorate in Philosophy there and I've wanted to teach ESL in Japan because of my, once, large obsession with Zen Buddhism. Yes, I spent everyday in the past summer writing a book because I wanted to win a Nobel Prize in literature.   


No. I am not joking. I only think and act in extremes. These past few weeks I have been teaching myself computer programming and calculus because I wanted to be a Mathematician. Yes, I created a music playlist of 26 songs that literally all in the ""electronica"" genre and I played it in the background while I taught myself calculus. 

In other words, I'm being quite serious in saying that I have to purposely avoid certain pieces of information or else my mind goes into a frenzy and attaches itself to anything and everything that there is about the subject. I wish I could be curious again, but if I start learning about the economic history of Korea I can't clearly delineate a separation between a ""hobby"" or fleeting interest and a lifelong pursuit.   


Every time I choose something to do with my life, I 100% dedicate all my time and mental ability to it, even down to the music I listen to everyday, or the art I consume in general.   


When I wanted to be a writer of literary fiction, for example, I would listen to *""Like a Valley With No Echo"" by Hammock* (specifically from 3:00 in the track to the end, on repeat) for hours upon hours. Listening to it on the train, while writing, while thinking-- it was enjoyable but in hindsight this is exhausting. This is different from OCD in the sense that this wasn't compulsory in nature, but that the music fed my mind, and that it was for the most part enjoyable. I wasn't listening to the song because of the song, but rather that my mind in the way that it interpreted the song fed into this vision that I had of the future.   


Honestly, this is torture. Complete torture. I want to cry. I don't know why I can't read a damn book and just enjoy it. I don't know why I can't just take a computer programming class to just learn without wanting to be neck-deep in everything ""computing."" I don't know how to stop this ""rigid/black & white thinking"" mindset. I hope this sounds like something on the autism spectrum because my doctor has currently ruled out OCD.  


Sorry if this was an unnecessary rant but... I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep living my life like this. This is something I have been dealing with for years but I am just now coming to terms with the fact that this is a serious, serious problem. I don't know who I am or what I am interested in. Even when I was a little boy I studied Chemistry in 3rd grade and when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said ""a Chemist"". I tried out for the basketball team in high school 3 years straight and I knew every statistic for every player in the NBA and I wanted to be a basketball player.   


I don't know how to stop this all-or-nothing thinking and its literally killing me. Seriously.   


  
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suicidewatch,ShadeOf_MushroomBlue,2019/01/03,"I can't cope alone I'm 20 and have borderline personality disorder. I'm an introvert but can't be alone. I don't mind sitting in a room with somebody I like in silence. I just can't bare to be alone.

My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. I love him with all my heart. His sister dislikes me and she's forbid me from coming over. He's not allowed at mine for more than 2 days a week.

I can't cope when I upset or anger people. I've made lots of choices lately that blew up in my face. I don't blame his sister forbidding me from the house.

I feel suicidal everyday and have done for years. But it feels worse now. Everything feels worse.

It's all my fault.",0.4132712765957436,2.6097331773049675,2.4085771276595764,93.49031250000004,86.02127659574468,6.078191489361703,20.160017730496453,7.413659706084162,0.5455421985815598,522,16,119,9,16,174,90,141,0.229,0.642,0.129,-0.9606,1,3,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,4,0,13,3,2,2,2,23,21,8,1,0,5,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,3,22,2,15,16,4,17,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,2,9,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469649765181426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164063479711706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352956137178027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175411437741805,0.0,0.0,0.1801473815909664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821106636827745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670294000383512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860516949485014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312352719765533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857785761747426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600298284628742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966070440917284,0.1588806286736595,0.16657084660814947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774759385593175,0.0,0.14051137514387285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220421696854206,0.15370906974354984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255634625791945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120658583604573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587943047930036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133623155673223
suicidewatch,Tactics_7,2019/01/03,I want to die That's all,-6.895714285714287,-8.294716999999997,-2.424999999999999,118.6825,147.57142857142856,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-3.5598,19,0,7,0,2,7,7,7,0.476,0.366,0.159,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8694051407166189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940998899974742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Galdravakr,2019/01/03,"Thought I Was Getting Better I'm diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. For the longest time I felt like I was doing better and like things were finally going to be normal from now on. For the past week or so everything that plagued me before is starting to come back and I don't know how to fix it again. I don't want it to come back and I don't want to be like this or feel this way. I hate it and I hate myself. How can anyone ever love me enough to put up with this shit? This had made me realize that I'm never going to get better and I'll be like this for the rest of my life. I don't want this and I really don't want to keep dealing with it for however many years if live naturally. I just want everything to be over now.",2.1392727272727257,4.066689836363641,4.218787878787881,84.40818181818184,77.9090909090909,8.27878787878788,23.72727272727273,9.029198982220553,1.875290909090909,633,21,132,16,15,217,88,165,0.161,0.7090000000000001,0.13,-0.3736,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,10,12,3,0,3,0,16,4,1,3,2,33,39,13,0,7,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,12,0,1,5,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,7,2,16,8,21,28,3,22,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,3,17,92,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420811899573133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520793049570472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247786658361104,0.0,0.0,0.3195341603479286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074811960221699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415901927561974,0.1037269990371888,0.1222348771613724,0.0,0.0,0.4140729001440733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443736249842267,0.0,0.0,0.1089366872615762,0.0,0.0,0.2164711412475384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089350585037787,0.0,0.11563259616792365,0.131926216908118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584039944455644,0.0,0.13688736615343433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378012564938615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704456004400503,0.0,0.0,0.06618569947558077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506394013372671,0.23534591194894056,0.0,0.10634273347508287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086936325018334,0.11395467488949508,0.0,0.12209807888019465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288377142465756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799675912177827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496496690514255,0.0,0.10515565854929132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106636598401585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715114909499378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236206374756064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524164484414501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000897055478406,0.0,0.0,0.0956087204390249,0.0702242542547573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551664669227573,0.09559248091764376,0.09660244219719846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755358202377377
suicidewatch,maybethrowawaysorta,2019/01/03,"I’ve never wanted to die more in my life and I don’t feel like I can take it anymore TL;DR
Dreamed I was a dead pos. Woke up an alive piece of shit. Deeply disappointed.


I think about it all the time. I even dream about it . This morning I dreamed I was rotting and couldn’t cut it out. Couldn’t fix it at all so I offed myself. Im so disappointed I woke up. Im obviously not physically rotting irl, but I wish I’d actually died.

The only reason I haven’t done it yet is that I don’t want my little brother to feel shitty around his birthday for the rest of his life. I figure I can wait a few more weeks at least, but I’m so sick of it. I really don’t feel like I’ll manage it anymore. Honestly, I don’t want to. I wish someone would just smother me in my sleep or shoot me. 

But I’m just laying in bed at 7am. Woke up around 6 and immediately felt crushed I woke up at all, so I’m just laying here contemplating how and when to off myself.

I’m honestly an asshole and a burden, so really it shouldn’t be all that sad.
Already told a few people goodbye. At least the way I wanted to do it. Wrote a note about why, so there’s no confusion or unfair blame.

I just need to figure out how I’m going to do it, but I’m so fucking tired I can’t even function half normally. I just hate myself and I hate that I do just for even breathing. I’ve never hated anyone more than I hate myself.

I really just need it all to stop because I know for a fact now that it’s not just a concern. I am actually past my breaking point. I don’t know what finally tipped me there. I don’t care anyway. I just desperately don’t want to feel this way anymore. I’ve felt awful already for what feels like forever. I can’t spend the same amount of time feeling worse. I just can’t do it.",0.16838772845952832,2.095449569190599,2.809524151436033,91.97381625326372,84.6396866840731,5.709895561357702,19.757767624020886,6.961326702584282,0.2410052741514365,1367,39,318,18,40,476,165,383,0.228,0.6659999999999999,0.106,-0.9955,0,0,0,1,0,2,39.0,0,0,0,0,34,19,8,1,14,1,27,8,3,3,9,72,68,22,3,14,18,1,8,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,22,10,0,2,14,3,1,1,19,13,0,1,11,8,46,6,39,52,16,34,0,3,0,1,5,19,2,3,14,210,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.17886128137431564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226131988753132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726565836885295,0.0640791258805977,0.0,0.0,0.1631639322715936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055864904822845916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934364516296164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022255271017272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378291334641957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158860519614492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780256350503502,0.196409974597778,0.17598387837449045,0.1003907552030092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472275374312238,0.0,0.0,0.05208299907312999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619151414653236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798097923549268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072952154188697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946074541826574,0.13431686128173134,0.09185066173983228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359046908640715,0.14136192453573293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897909758755006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696988589373651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748389910653176,0.06353392496264168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663253983720734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761271331191287,0.0942245751403092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407053007134232,0.0,0.0,0.091709483276978,0.0,0.07764907034209838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661790196588561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890435613632499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058721325977906726,0.0,0.0,0.10687588992433857,0.1053304915955575,0.0,0.08756910003794552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702679624474713,0.14548437112746435,0.07351072708608107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269382366936659,0.0,0.2107705435691551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339235158019764,0.06510077064835014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnderscoreRarity,2019/01/03,"Molested as a boy, suppressed my emotions all my life until now, just broke up with GF of a year I recently “remembered” that I was molested as a young boy by three different male relatives, over the course of ~8 years. Sometimes my sister was involved. We never talked about it and I think she suppressed the memories as well. I think it subconsciously fucked me up throughout life as I constantly have drastic mood swings. I’ve had a GF of almost a year and was the first person I told about this, aswell as my frequent suicidal thoughts. and we argued so much but we loved eachother, or so I thought 

She went to a house party while I was in San Francisco with family the week of Christmas and I had this bad feeling in my gut so I told her I didn’t want her to go and she promised me nothing would happen. I just saw a short video a few hours ago of her kissing another guy with his hand between her legs. I’ve been crying off and on ever since, started taking some pills but pussied out as usual. Seriously contemplating shooting myself with my uncles pistol tomorrow. Most likely I’ll pussy out again though

I just wanted to type this out,",4.0222072072072095,5.875833472972977,4.634414414414414,83.80315315315315,72.37837837837839,7.816216216216216,28.099099099099107,8.515128840125781,2.0783045045045045,909,35,173,16,18,290,139,222,0.108,0.779,0.114,0.5208,1,0,0,2,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,1,13,13,4,0,12,0,10,9,3,0,3,39,27,21,1,3,6,1,2,1,2,1,3,0,0,5,6,16,0,2,6,1,0,2,2,7,1,2,14,3,33,5,33,12,5,33,0,1,1,3,25,11,1,4,21,123,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947416384943564,0.0,0.14625888025589345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315757569742375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195473999186696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783993017290926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044102629196816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260253983304636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164298839040357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212043477547505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769320553228734,0.0,0.07385277329607727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242393161870398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503093678560382,0.0,0.0,0.08300976827042036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462324216253553,0.12916116033337172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384055234041754,0.16853465352212368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633424857498905,0.07135797175166181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182565345488684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737155820267666,0.0,0.1126511607126875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014936072147405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753473302592466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421750536734645,0.0,0.16545851252901053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082307538923664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445795238237785,0.0,0.10338264785620499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597669041483597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981960980526004,0.1173982085849881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871798379011786,0.14350408025558134,0.2319120588346785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791348743797396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086543211825374,0.0,0.17230099136328414,0.0,0.1171612335963546,0.0,0.13132627895868948,0.13539990591924048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375746370053587,0.0,0.0,0.2821752680281073
suicidewatch,ILoveHell,2019/01/03,is there anyone who posted in this subreddit and commited suicide? is there any case ,3.9860000000000007,7.301539933333332,4.641666666666668,75.14250000000001,83.0,8.333333333333334,27.5,8.841846274778883,3.373000000000001,69,3,10,2,2,22,13,15,0.243,0.757,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884277511097787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993882637704124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5470406696937029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6247874859752878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gembee1,2019/01/03,body vs mind im so sick of been useless i cant kill myself properly i can give my cuts infections its like my body wants 2 live but my mind doesnt. im so tried of the battle between body n mind. yrs ive been fighting n im board of it ,-3.7891666666666666,-3.0314196785714245,-0.0735714285714284,103.90190476190477,120.78571428571428,3.295238095238096,13.595238095238097,5.46131890053228,-1.10687619047619,182,5,49,2,12,65,37,56,0.233,0.6920000000000001,0.075,-0.8249,0,0,0,0,2,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,0,6,5,3,0,0,6,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5652673731528378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627260797946518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496936840178573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767222324852034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828734273012583,0.0,0.1497878033008092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138386533774403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151687158809999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005310781095264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pseudo135,2019/01/03,"Why live? Living is a lot of work and not much enjoyment (atleast for some of us) why do we do it?

On a side note why is depression note sufficiently selected against?",1.2495454545454552,3.7759084242424237,3.0032575757575763,88.22488636363637,85.96969696969695,8.148484848484847,26.431818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.433490909090909,130,6,28,4,4,43,26,33,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.8,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674516365314715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649262145622406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381395287579087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352614477488994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31666896261311395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7126527005558958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165617148252134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RektBreadShitPost,2019/01/03,"Life, death? Terrified How do you all live life knowing you will die someday. How can I flourish and succeed with this terrible existential crisis always. I think about it almost all day. What can I do? I am starting DBT, and 2 different PTSD therapies this month and my brains trying to make me worse before I can even start. I want to feel better but on the other hand I want to just ignore it all and let myself fall down this hole again. I feel like I'm worse than when I was hospitalized. I have no serious intent on killing myself at all right now, but passive ones that I'm scared will turn into more I guess? The only reason I dont self harm anymore is because my fiance would be so upset. I should be more grateful but honestly I'm just terrified of living ",3.650372807017544,5.266712414473687,4.721052631578949,83.77570175438599,72.88157894736842,7.435087719298244,25.166666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.4928008771929822,605,19,117,9,12,198,103,152,0.243,0.599,0.158,-0.9496,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,0,2,10,11,1,2,2,0,17,4,2,5,4,31,31,11,3,4,5,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,1,3,20,4,12,23,6,14,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,8,83,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902735809781512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214437300904636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749890961312507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681037013164996,0.0,0.1351373833024864,0.0,0.0,0.14045637932930313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728680396199736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024206536203344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482186619360442,0.1659248225215925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612657538171512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489388126872606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060031917274026,0.11345538192332677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494941112102153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757020369231824,0.0,0.08727896605729245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623961119899601,0.2243473379433056,0.07758756054354549,0.0,0.2804679530156167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600829681948526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267622873676024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076151757237964,0.12078374344102627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856428233111661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328526869879126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562464887144451,0.0,0.0,0.1589985974065389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567563541692856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481601572450932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161545447287197,0.0,0.0,0.10176036852778478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782297784857987,0.17274193936737173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873429593211552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236861551134931,0.11281554532864888,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SillyPrinny,2019/01/03,"I was physically beaten and mentally abused from elementary school to middle school. AMA Ask me anything. I already feel numb, and only been told to man the fuck up by my loved one or told to let it ago.",4.076666666666668,5.4995540000000025,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,71.5,8.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.8108333333333333,160,5,32,3,3,53,34,40,0.245,0.675,0.08,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,4,1,6,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,1,1,19,5,3,0.0,0.2813747352490736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051151790413988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206486948351504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954256444444329,0.0,0.22201155971269226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007692458293732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195462524848684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428391897653283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143347953168829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393237870061632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092246149855974,0.18061409250891086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806844810232021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538442601876399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatThrowaway29986,2019/01/03,"Just spent my 18th birthday alone. I didn't get a card.. A cake.. Candles.. Anything. 

I had one friend invite me out just to hang out, her and I have known eachother for many many years but never met just because the time was never right.. Yesterday was finally the day I was able to meet her.. Stupidly enough, I have recently started to develop feelings for her. She left early. Didn't even spend an hour together. I ended up walking around the town center we were at for a while, trying to find something to justify me still being there. I had nothing better to do. I ended up sitting in a Starbucks for a few hours, my phone was dead and I just kinda sat there wishing something would change for once. After my SO leaving me late last year, I've really only had this one person so this kinda mattered to me.. Having someone who wanted to be around me, I guess.

I finally got home and tried to go over to my brothers to spend time with someone at least and he fell asleep in the first 10 minutes of me being there. I went home to an empty apartment and an empty bed because my SO leaving. 

I've always been alone in a way, everybody just kinda seems to drop or completely ignore what I say. My family especially, growing up I'd always get cutoff mid sentence and they'd all start a new topic, like I wasn't even talking.. It's like I'm invisible. I got bullied out of middle school to the point that I tried to hang myself with a belt in the 8th grade. I haven't really had a physical friendship since besides one, which was my SO.. and even then she kind of avoided me when she could and was abusive but she just.. She gave me the affection I crave. 

Sometimes it just starts to feel like I have nobody here.. There's just people. I don't even feel fucking human half the time, I feel so disconnected from everybody around me. 

Like, is there something wrong with me? The way people have been treating me makes me question myself so much. I feel like I'm wrong or something.. Its had me so on edge the past few weeks and I can feel it pulling me to kill myself. God I can't take this shit anymore. Life has turned into torture. 

Fuck why can't I just go back

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suicidewatch,yourfavouritebi-con,2019/01/03,i need help on jan 1st i came out as lesbian which broke my boyfriend at the times heart. i don’t really have anything going for me atm. i keep thinking about overdosing and i don’t know if i’ll make it to my birthday. on feb 1st i have to go back to a school which made my mental health plummet last year and i don’t know if i’ll be able to make a day back there. i keep promising everyone i can make it to my birthday but i don’t know if i’m strong enough. i have post viral fatigue and depression and i can barely get out of bed because i have no energy. my parents keep telling me to get up and start getting mad at me and i just want to leave. please help,0.908026525198938,2.4707027310344856,2.5944827586206927,96.32763925729445,80.3103448275862,5.840848806366048,22.188328912466847,6.67199483983844,0.269371352785146,516,16,125,5,13,170,82,145,0.123,0.7490000000000001,0.129,-0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,3,0,11,4,1,4,0,27,32,11,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,9,0,3,4,0,1,3,5,4,0,0,2,0,22,2,18,29,1,18,0,3,0,1,4,7,0,3,7,74,26,1,0.15322485644668465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609100125174205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356409132031193,0.0,0.0934044503081992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524841620749293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881735643200733,0.0,0.1319723443349479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832223629536182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641291664177455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401609901119889,0.0,0.1741624339737067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628708572855146,0.0,0.18157219263824112,0.20540678286971656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085798780001023,0.0,0.0,0.252625121780756,0.1248987086532131,0.0,0.162242999054314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449850639918896,0.3068363444660147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441461642740625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361428955011033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701380701448174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681948798176398,0.0,0.0,0.14674705721353254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815976658643116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507173500871665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084533420369714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392527819333108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818030106250064,0.0,0.0,0.08934664599571676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037599025139473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986717838774128
suicidewatch,Heather_The_Catgirl,2019/01/03,"im thinking of killing myself within the next couple days. ive just failed a full semester of university thanks to my severe anxiety and depression which ive had since i was very young and have lasted a decade now. im about to get kicked out of university and my parents are going to tear me apart as they were paying for it. im trans and my mother, the only family member im out to doesnt believe me or support me. my parents house will be receiving a letter announcing my expulsion from the university sometime in the next 2 to 5 days. i plan to be dead before next weekend, when im finally kicked out.

i dont know what else i can do. when i do it, ill take enough drugs to knock me out while having a thick plastic bag elasticated around my head so i suffocate.",4.600000000000001,5.010131707006369,6.1661210191082825,78.81797133757964,69.50955414012739,9.592101910828026,29.07579617834395,9.642632912329526,2.5252629299363063,606,21,123,13,10,208,99,157,0.147,0.8170000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9531,2,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,1,0,8,0,16,3,1,0,0,13,23,10,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,1,20,2,21,17,2,25,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,1,13,80,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912170126509094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614741297683104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146305494389596,0.13434079021852424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193496816315073,0.0,0.153797744957202,0.0,0.10269981756391162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974646010573366,0.0,0.1382786322554937,0.0,0.09960834248162673,0.0,0.0,0.12320509168630725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240730600440853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306197859199914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062297117361373784,0.0,0.06776590309781262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237294906942606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758504856919804,0.0,0.0,0.6439894059885297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191956948128422,0.0,0.0655302797205676,0.0971951711344751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804340191630936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068613952406462,0.0,0.0,0.2648001572238744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470539752945024,0.0,0.09863519666906853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792977870944098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135310268426455,0.0,0.0,0.0896524010530786,0.0,0.0,0.10977865403162924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764031211107205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838412777068463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notdylanchloehollow,2019/01/03,Idk just venting I just wish i wasnt here rn i dont wanna die at all cause i have one person in this world that needs me alive and i cant not be here for her but im tired. I find it really hard to be alone cause i overthink badly  to the point where ill put horrable stupid thoughts in my head that will effect how i act around people. Idk if this belongs here,0.8870357142857159,2.336783775000004,2.1421428571428582,100.06000000000004,80.0,5.071428571428573,17.67857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.813767857142857,282,5,71,1,7,90,60,80,0.274,0.66,0.066,-0.9579,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,4,1,17,10,4,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,1,11,0,8,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,0,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263729655324313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457395136395034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824971128030924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490639154449608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22684151579374126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561628227136565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976934042992606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579610226843167,0.0,0.22431623694582975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360934851743616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206714524569166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810892600209524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152916031791555,0.19084719922240506,0.0,0.0,0.2066196292053318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197235715779728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002176320989793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352044358576066,0.0,0.2512144646617228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513451160585811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strwb6rry,2019/01/03,Do drugs help? do drugs help? Like im so tired of shit being the same thing everyday lmao I just wanna do something that'll reside this feeling,0.8725862068965498,3.4348423793103438,1.8857758620689644,94.45556034482763,90.72413793103449,4.279310344827587,17.594827586206893,5.985473137389443,-0.2472827586206896,115,3,23,1,4,36,24,29,0.177,0.477,0.34600000000000003,0.6935,0,0,3,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6627735816278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448706043120566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38307308513189664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086660304455102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960618019578505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29332491647582265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998929624262545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984390539103604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284350330139835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohfredi,2019/01/03,"Hi hello I hope u are at a neutral point in your life. By the point you’ve seen this I have almost definitely killed my self. I have no reason to live any longer I do not have anyone in my life, I said good bye to my cat and she will be fine until someone finds me. Hope your fight with these thoughts goes better than mine did",0.7278571428571432,2.6599252142857166,1.9642857142857155,98.7907142857143,82.57142857142857,4.571428571428573,15.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-1.035,255,4,61,1,7,81,56,70,0.116,0.6809999999999999,0.203,0.6990000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,0,7,2,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,9,13,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,13,5,9,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,3,2,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283481808512115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133018195595138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560036185562445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968124988751231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339127962672265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866502592686523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420512852533151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461999740376779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143635084959921,0.0,0.0,0.1965008600925752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207315365774314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22880115460444897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167999777450192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321506218858285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885516270227662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666647437665295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QUILeRSe,2019/01/03,Convince me to live I'm having a hard time finding reasons. ,3.41,5.2529933333333325,4.823333333333334,81.855,74.0,4.800000000000002,37.0,3.1291,2.1939,48,3,8,0,1,16,12,12,0.123,0.7020000000000001,0.175,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679591862616906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586518856875617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521058265497158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264217931119494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29855161209602993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emteemirror,2019/01/03,"I was born at the wrong time My cousin just had a baby and I realized how much I wish I was being born now. I was born in 1984 and I’m 34 years old. I’m noticing very subtle but clear signs of aging and it’s incredibly depressing, because the part of my life when I was young and healthy was 90% horrible and now I’m going downhill. Kids being born now or generation later have a good chance of seeing their lifespans radically extended. The fact I can only live 80 or 90 years max blows, the majority of which I’ll have spent aging, and I’ll be dying when kids being born will probably live for hundreds of years and get to grow up with amazing technology. Meanwhile, I was born at the wrong time and dirt poor. 

My Dad was an alcoholic paranoid schizophrenic who died of cancer when I was like 7. My Mom didn’t have a degree and I grew up dirt poor with extremely bad teeth until I got them fixed in my mid-twenties. Most of my peers had their tuition and rent paid for in college or at least had some kind of help from their parents. My Mom? She lost her house and had to move in with me. Even trying to get away from home - it just followed me. Trying to get through school with a gnarly jackolantern smile destroyed my self esteem. I was struggling to pay rent, and just buy food while working and going to school full time, and ended up depressed and failing out. I finished off my chance at any kind of okay life with a period of drinking that led to me to having a terrible reputation. I sobered up but the damage is done. 

I wish I was born now. To stable parents. Who could afford to fix my extremely fucked up teeth. I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore. Every ducking day is torture. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to watch myself age, locked into minimum wage jobs, paying of college debt for a degree I never finished, waiting to die as an impoverished bachelor. This is a nightmare and I’m going to kill myself. ",3.308846504685296,4.892170537275066,4.410297702960445,85.79298863919065,73.70437017994858,7.0759101086325575,25.915996351272913,7.717688229018142,1.3710337673107227,1525,52,307,20,31,498,202,389,0.239,0.6659999999999999,0.095,-0.9976,9,0,2,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,4,3,13,20,4,1,16,1,33,10,2,2,3,49,57,29,5,5,9,6,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,3,8,23,3,1,2,1,12,8,5,14,0,0,20,2,41,6,55,31,7,60,0,5,2,1,19,18,1,5,35,196,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055782361944093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718171403935527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797477700544936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928180131786362,0.0,0.08248690653564693,0.06022247676991532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887709885827729,0.0,0.0,0.06371244552646985,0.0,0.1701782177349852,0.0,0.41012056846886735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010981641932388,0.0,0.09677821286262464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875000846234462,0.0,0.0,0.1305019146073262,0.0,0.08323623133783846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194592630206743,0.0,0.0,0.09133129440313477,0.15484368892848696,0.0,0.16843672490280848,0.08286175422169298,0.07901271238571893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662179648236133,0.0,0.0990960863147398,0.0,0.0,0.1139923074250674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803547514093854,0.0,0.10929833056772777,0.20575261527173624,0.0542933107139226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955893701583968,0.04826461314127849,0.0,0.1744696850370446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784276303389803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314071878726908,0.0,0.10499989620732596,0.07262323454292645,0.0,0.07619421570214728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247495555976256,0.10366522481112447,0.0,0.0,0.07513550638912993,0.0,0.0,0.21939288638102647,0.1069817366681079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651411462809728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996486095509147,0.07872415952510163,0.0,0.10306124324975653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327848920235104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281862786599714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414609963620702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151346280146435,0.1165397570568422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272110586087497,0.0,0.0,0.07192150243764082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160263353251101,0.0,0.19085576306470625
suicidewatch,GooberellaGirl,2019/01/03,"This sounds silly, but I wish the BirdBox monster was real... (spoilers?)

At least I could stop thinking about doing it and just do it... No more work, no more having to keep up with what others expect, I could stop disappointing my husband and he could just take care of himself instead of me...

It's weird to watch a movie and feel jealous of something so morbid. But yeah. Has anyone related to this kindve situation? I see a lot of people wishing they could be murdered for the same reason basically....the not having the courage to do it themselves or to disappoint people once you're gone.",4.467747747747751,6.4320355945945975,4.953333333333333,81.51666666666667,71.43243243243242,6.7351351351351365,28.54954954954956,7.3871296695380915,1.7463225225225223,465,18,82,5,9,148,80,111,0.259,0.636,0.106,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,2,0,5,1,12,0,0,1,0,26,21,7,1,7,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,4,8,3,14,14,5,5,0,2,2,0,4,2,0,2,2,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560795944079722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831542154375498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737093818587339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083101610962167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967164350324645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272288951569984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130996742823567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24907851223477745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446882549853815,0.0,0.1846990958429084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431492459542801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019220741655885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382950919710362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003729589102869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506638007192848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510559531487075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131526066270096,0.0,0.0,0.13077953329643902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,derpsnotdead,2019/01/03,"I want to die, I just don’t have the guts to do it I’m tired of living. Every day I wish that I could just die from like a car accident or a heart attack so that it will be better for my parents and that they won’t have to tell everyone I knew that I committed suicide. If I ever get the guts I don’t know how to do it. I know swallowing pills is risky and many people survive that. I don’t have a gun or know anyone with a gun. I think I’ll chicken out if I cut my wrists, so maybe the best option is jumping off a high building. I’m just so fed up, my life has barely begun and I want to end it. Every day I pray to God to just kill me but unfortunately I’ll still here",1.4400356506238872,1.9405220588235288,3.871146761734998,92.08197860962568,76.77777777777777,6.8708259061200225,21.098633392751037,6.980632752743323,0.2156326797385617,517,11,131,5,11,182,86,153,0.17800000000000002,0.718,0.105,-0.8926,1,0,0,3,0,3,10.0,0,0,1,3,11,6,3,0,8,0,15,9,4,1,2,27,27,12,4,6,9,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,5,2,0,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,19,3,14,21,1,12,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,5,7,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873579151995745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931845142243689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820615601328074,0.15018401985878013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558025673828655,0.0,0.0,0.2190280790479758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524739929048874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504021333135494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536037610366407,0.2861461635395149,0.16226167668189193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871923284496147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122683907986788,0.0,0.1794146327090379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787069927691166,0.0,0.27997103515399097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994252314431003,0.08296107153771065,0.0,0.14994621400105035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216168953543556,0.17059796218062415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885550070467117,0.0,0.0,0.11772555828657125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561127483684074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574566007198706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842228874456045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088080248173192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517275117155655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003178414354944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527425644357024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ramendude0720,2019/01/03,"Bad New Years Resolution Okay. So I made a post roughly 8 months ago where I mentioned that the reason that I haven’t shot myself is because my state gun laws state that I can’t buy a gun before I’m 21. I’ve managed to survive until now, but during a depressive episode during New Year Eve I made my New Year’s resolution to buy a gun and kill myself when I turn 21. I ended up attributing this just to a depressed episode, but when I woke up the next morning I could not stop thinking about this resolution.  Today I’m still only thinking about doing this when I turn 21. I feel like my mental state is deteriorating more, and more. I don’t know what to do",3.4622222222222203,4.655860592592592,4.883888888888889,84.09250000000003,72.7037037037037,7.177777777777778,26.092592592592588,7.554174236665415,1.2594592592592586,520,17,108,6,10,174,77,135,0.17800000000000002,0.768,0.054000000000000006,-0.9525,0,0,0,3,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,1,0,7,1,8,0,0,4,0,17,19,9,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,17,2,9,15,2,26,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,20,63,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141664859657891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343744119987785,0.0974207124548165,0.0,0.13598935881254098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275979265432854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752939451390229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154716048030866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080641305783133,0.11417066295452895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680975285542147,0.0,0.08782921751108343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807671239666386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024384423395545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610542313150855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756146196900758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630460815380255,0.16996327173824965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215452262292059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305697766239212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431470294329387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762711844154587,0.1336110858862037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204803836369188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514843345292154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476619866469104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874360224187564
suicidewatch,frums1939948,2019/01/03,"Tempted to harm myself I want to hurt myself so that I can gather the courage to eventually commit suicide. I used to keep a knife hidden in my room but I never used it. I just want to hurt myself so badly. Eventually, I can kill myself so I can remove myself from the gene pool. I have no value as a person and I am subhuman",0.9511134453781516,3.0299510441176487,3.989747899159663,83.76029411764709,82.67647058823529,5.650420168067227,18.537815126050425,6.868970318607317,0.3429050420168069,253,6,50,3,7,91,42,68,0.311,0.57,0.119,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,7,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,2,2,10,10,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,15,1,8,10,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138513786651506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5676867665352668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356732055626052,0.29334384082956894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449629712518308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315145311744049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900257759866464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580005836630969,0.0,0.0,0.3127789762828549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arktic-escobar,2019/01/03,Loneliness is awful I hate this shit,0.5057142857142871,0.9450488571428579,2.632142857142856,82.42535714285714,131.85714285714286,7.114285714285713,17.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.991628571428572,30,1,5,1,2,10,7,7,0.868,0.132,0.0,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932136180405843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7207321831048499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesehardfeelings,2019/01/03,"I just don’t get it As I’ve continued to live here after trying to kill myself twice at the age of 15, my body has just been tore down in ways I can’t describe. I know I’ll off myself once I’m legally allowed to leave my parents home. I just don’t understand why this society is so against suicide. I didn’t ask for this life, I didn’t choose to be alive. I have thought of suicide since I was just in the seventh grade. Why do people want to force people to continue suffering? To stay alive past their breaking points and allow their bodies to become damaged from addiction and the insanity of it all? I just don’t get it. I just wish I could have successfully died from all of those pills I took at fifteen. I wish my parents hadn’t tried to save me, and I could have gone on then. If I did, I wouldn’t have had to endure what I’ve had to for these few years. I’m sorry for anyone going through pain. I hope you find peace wherever it is you go.",3.7347990815154968,4.0498154228855725,4.823084577114429,88.02213547646383,71.38805970149255,7.975660160734787,26.90432453119021,7.882392219407189,1.3275821660926137,744,23,168,9,13,245,115,201,0.159,0.708,0.132,-0.8663,3,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,2,2,1,8,7,1,0,3,0,24,6,2,2,2,27,40,7,4,8,7,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,4,8,4,0,1,11,0,27,3,31,25,3,22,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,2,7,111,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701239792139134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429409954431407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607168620343706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893730216072534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995881139168545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534228325710547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995871568417878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232554817922768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091286319461382,0.0,0.15328297418785974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527105964686428,0.13394193753239453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919762771025447,0.0,0.07411305476466983,0.0,0.0,0.14279250047664038,0.0,0.0,0.09525242618241836,0.0,0.0,0.11907987514389486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361670385227493,0.0,0.0,0.14349575758143313,0.0,0.2994821422663111,0.0,0.12873483178043454,0.18698364444082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748203448355444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115538612627692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509596889025019,0.0,0.1437380174623924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950200531203491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706020167531488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982941993145574,0.1831160615934886,0.0,0.0,0.14038932904915846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954126653396566,0.10704201707430576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433722225021861,0.0,0.31015433408614584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684251911313387
suicidewatch,24decouleur,2019/01/03,"i lost to myself I think when I get home from vacation, this Saturday, I’m going to end my life. I only have two friends, my sister has made my life a living hell, I’ve been diagnosed with depression about a year ago, but I’ve probably had it much longer. I remember in 5th grade I even wrote to myself that I wanted to kill myself. I go to therapy and take medicine, but I still reach this point no matter what happens. If I decide to hang on a little bit longer, a few months later I’m back to where I was. This isn’t the life I want.",2.841052631578947,3.527616394736846,4.562236842105263,87.73440789473686,73.64912280701755,8.156140350877193,23.021929824561404,8.472884824447931,1.137161403508772,415,10,94,7,8,141,78,114,0.152,0.7929999999999999,0.055,-0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,5,0,6,4,0,1,0,13,19,5,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,6,0,18,1,12,13,3,17,1,2,0,0,3,5,1,1,9,60,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218129401462347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068346598761292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974283166375068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758152150384225,0.18569859441338327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204654920231884,0.0,0.0,0.120842082710091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135295453676594,0.0,0.0955880426272376,0.0,0.2079585800547263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161789221080865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835218662457822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241600197639947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876860962663698,0.0,0.18337205549245064,0.16155533175960382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972035091499654,0.0,0.0,0.1731193538639272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603538957008005,0.0,0.13449523620733128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914786008863808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295451770916478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972597488459846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725583290033875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611055465832007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756170263520676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092285031823392,0.0,0.0,0.117232146637234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872345397036185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582682527917854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178190014828999
suicidewatch,thisismythrowaway139,2019/01/03,"My reason for being alive isn’t enough anymore. I don’t want to be alive. My only reason to be alive still is my obligation as a father to my daughter. This was enough to stay alive but that is slowly going away fast. 

Long story short my fiancé, mother of my child, had an affair. Cheated on me emotionally for a few months, told me lies, said she was working on getting rid of him. I stuck around because she said she wanted to work on us. Come to find out she wasn’t. After 3-4 months he told her he didn’t love her and she acted as though the world ended. When she flew out to see him, she told me she wanted to marry me, she was going to get closure as to why he stopped loving her, but swore on her life that she wouldn’t destroy the last bit of trust I had for her and that she wouldn’t do anything physical at all. Found out two days ago that not only did she fuck him multiple times over 3 days, including oral, but she is now pregnant with his kid. There’s no way it could be mine as we haven’t had sex in months. She’s currently in a crisis center involuntarily, as she took a handful of pills over. 

I gave this girl everything I had. Gave up multiple careers. Lost contact with my parents over a physical altercation between myself and my mother. Am essentially stuck with a daughter that I didn’t want in the first place. I love her to death, don’t get me wrong. But I wasn’t ready for a kid and now I’m stuck. I am about 60k in debt before student loans, with a retail job I was forced to get when I moved in with her parents. I have essentially no friends left, I lost touch with most of them because the two of us were solely focused on each other for the longest time. I have a passion that I wish I could say i could use to occupy my time, but it is entirely too expensive for me to start and it’s the only hobby that has ever interested me (building/driving cars).

My life is worth nothing except my obligation to my daughter, but she prefers her grandparents anyways. She always has and they can provide for her better than I can. They can treat her better than I can. This is the third time in my life my relationships have ended in cheating and I have no interest in finding love again. It just causes pain. I know how I’m going out, I just don’t know when. Probably the day my now-ex gets out of crisis center so my daughter at least has one parent. I know it sounds shitty that I would essentially abandon my daughter, but she is better off without me. Everyone else is. I hope that her future step father can give her the world that I cannot. ",3.5227330253113722,4.5967227538167945,4.6730092406588986,86.11998192045,72.41603053435117,7.3478505423864995,25.23985536359984,7.669130373188453,1.1747412213740454,2009,60,421,24,38,661,230,524,0.14800000000000002,0.71,0.142,-0.775,8,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,3,0,3,8,18,23,4,0,19,0,53,13,1,5,2,63,97,25,1,13,12,12,2,0,1,3,5,4,0,4,19,22,0,2,9,0,5,10,17,9,0,5,29,7,93,14,74,58,8,76,0,3,1,7,76,34,1,2,30,304,112,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882463478904856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460406943883261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699965016664151,0.0,0.0,0.06389245938280341,0.06911752616477257,0.0,0.0,0.07294688247690725,0.0,0.0,0.09465925384436974,0.0,0.06606732239789205,0.0,0.0,0.20600317993175812,0.08476456871622008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797593580945617,0.0,0.06688140339998633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597161036383292,0.0,0.0,0.1502173161320853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648596326997267,0.08733640177330661,0.13753490666648105,0.1604491510333891,0.0,0.0,0.0702313141189057,0.0,0.07418992027016771,0.06977930530478063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192611618661888,0.06604194465358901,0.0,0.08513005763817401,0.059985743309389924,0.0717784508753388,0.20282277817522032,0.07448094188517637,0.1323766104822032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771156735264761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704735361993108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800945485576212,0.06328830440213322,0.0,0.0,0.08435787584820996,0.0,0.16452177268926552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687104137083904,0.0,0.0,0.16951005718854167,0.0,0.28029846836195066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591846392342135,0.08252078261987861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449925360237128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052611988893816686,0.17714991196360708,0.08261618577383832,0.0,0.2586355797387909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111899516960216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371082654994841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596570871259572,0.0,0.08335807151847427,0.0,0.0,0.14770997072078987,0.06174375342100723,0.0,0.0,0.0618703397789673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495515684891705,0.08275566437354201,0.062004719004631136,0.06491189284409071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628252325162052,0.0,0.1810938732693164,0.0,0.0,0.22256976081050314,0.08626272581207801,0.0,0.0,0.1516892132657219,0.0,0.18678668139691088,0.06705745374212667,0.0,0.0,0.18318021838178072,0.061628324887574686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700595093726802,0.0,0.08928406147784816,0.07484377635519615,0.0,0.11304808638348987,0.0,0.0,0.055154397862199216,0.08488895180588106,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diilser,2019/01/03,"I’m going to kill myself tomorrow and I don’t believe there is anything any of you can do about it. Go ahead and try to stop me, maybe you can. Hey guys, 13 year old here. No one in my school likes me because I play fortnite but I think Fortnite is cool. My favourite skin is stage 1 carbid bechsse is looks like ninja turtle. I love ninja turtles but my mom hits me for it. I asked her for a turtle for Christmas and she beat me and made me kneel on rice. She recently made me stop playing fortnite and I think my life is ruined; because of it l2",0.7681884057971047,2.841711782608701,2.2048913043478287,96.32356884057974,83.34782608695652,4.528985507246378,21.757246376811594,5.46131890053228,-0.05849275362318807,425,14,95,2,12,137,74,115,0.104,0.753,0.14300000000000002,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,2,3,8,1,0,1,1,9,3,1,2,0,13,20,7,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,2,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,3,22,6,11,17,0,12,0,1,1,1,10,2,0,0,9,57,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317443916798366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115542644499334,0.0,0.18307918432573064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387582598575022,0.0,0.0,0.22063885665010569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225949595062235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390732803852292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666228799740395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832397277834296,0.1913500683529491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445198347459924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176748632143383,0.3706074118504124,0.0,0.0,0.19674246679237795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293594537222793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054957717714243,0.0,0.13270278821954878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336332600492445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819536157858425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274534702120637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25096617727121945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132959033876086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611124704375354
suicidewatch,jddicjdjs,2019/01/03,"Life really does gets easier when you're handsome I don't know where to start, but here it goes.
After reading this, you might think/feel that I'm just another cry baby/loser or even an incel, well thats ok, no worries, I've already accepted my fate :). I don't know of I'm cursed by God or just maybe because of my ugly face and  short height compared to most guys here, but I've always dreamt of having a girlfriend unfortunately, no one seems to like me. I've already tried talking to them or had initiated a conversation (not in a creepy way) in which most of them just ignores me but when a handsome guy tries to do the same, they will immediatley focus to him. Its been like this for years now and I had just been coping with the situation by having an imaginary girlfriend that would accept me. Honestly, It really feels like God is trying to tell me that I'm just another defective product that needs to disappear and I'm starting to believe it everytime a girl rejects me. Lastly, I don't know what to do anymore, my other friends advised me to just have plastic surgery or something, but I don't even have money for that. Right now I already established plans on committing suicide and had already made letters to be given to my family members when that day comes. But atleast when I'm gone, there will be less ugly people here on earth right? So that's my story, I really appreciate if you've reached this far and If your curious, I live in the Philippines, my height is 5'5 -ish. Thank you.",4.057630878438332,5.72394073469388,5.088414670215915,81.34840727595387,71.9251700680272,8.106240757172435,28.769003253475304,8.716276077567194,2.2588508133688263,1192,47,227,22,23,391,162,294,0.135,0.6990000000000001,0.166,0.6621,0,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,3,3,1,21,15,0,0,10,1,23,2,1,1,1,41,42,21,1,4,18,0,1,3,3,4,1,0,0,3,18,7,0,1,7,1,1,3,7,3,1,1,8,1,27,12,28,28,4,28,0,1,0,0,18,12,0,10,15,151,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120243911502395,0.0,0.09651919131147184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432669324509044,0.0,0.0,0.11503832544770372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071098392537263,0.0,0.0,0.13068943168885294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992155333271914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741777913235314,0.07480877494761203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151017180012496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323047607764415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109352095633017,0.0,0.11730361708141734,0.08286861910059555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961936120636535,0.0,0.06060389290972828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971147409312326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124753549153173,0.0945534238543866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193244683103894,0.17001152063387995,0.0,0.1024278953292926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975961525946352,0.0,0.0,0.11653505445295995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305498972409812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860106576888153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860289089261255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041804351042163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602886526057453,0.0,0.22293285772708527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812241918281304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559974440325504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038602166257546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930052314526173,0.0,0.0,0.16420721925186554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688241016602514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323437625482693,0.10138690568042877,0.10679488994834377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743264980127966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362640131341929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207339617609152,0.0,0.0,0.10429566048886448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780106620574572,0.0,0.08240127789428048,0.0,0.0,0.07469857057797072
suicidewatch,TehReclaimer2552,2019/01/03,"Anyone out there...? Can someone tell me I'll be ok...? That I'm not a failure...?

Can someone tell me I'll get better? Please...?",-2.3449999999999998,-0.9111870384615379,0.5072307692307696,100.68776923076923,111.69230769230772,2.08,16.73846153846154,3.1291,-1.1501753846153844,91,3,21,0,5,31,19,26,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373800172490552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002522219142103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773700478471148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726591966536688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5752992851845838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.593460236569123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,schizoidparanoid,2019/01/03,"Defiled I’m contemplating suicide and self-harm and drug abuse tonight because I had full-blown visual flashbacks of every single detail of one of my two rapes (this one was violent and demeaning), and specifically want to kill myself because I know that the rape was my fault, and I know that I deserve to die. My fiancé needs to leave me but he lives me too much to do that. So I have to make the choice myself in the form of suicide, so he will be forced to move on one day. He deserves the whole world - he’s perfect and I love him in every way - and I can’t give him anything at all. I am sorry, filthy, marked with a symbol that shows I was raped and defiled and my very soul and any semblance of safety I had back then was taken away. Everyone knows I was raped when they look at me. They all know. But all that truly matters is that he knows what was done to me. He sees that I’m worthless now. He knows, deep down, that I now have no inherent value or inner/outer beauty after the rape. He’s well aware in his subconscious that I am less, that I will never be enough, unable to fulfill his needs now, and that I will inevitably end up in his eyes as a piece of meat that has been dropped on the ground in the dirt. He knows I am disgusting. So do I. So does everyone. So I’m sorry. ",3.2944736842105264,4.212626567669177,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142857,72.796992481203,6.953383458646617,24.150375939849624,7.0608816371341465,0.732491729323308,1001,27,220,9,19,323,142,266,0.219,0.6679999999999999,0.113,-0.9861,1,0,1,0,1,3,32.0,0,0,2,1,12,13,8,0,9,0,25,8,1,1,5,32,44,22,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,14,12,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,10,1,4,11,3,34,3,29,28,10,29,1,1,3,6,18,15,0,1,11,154,48,0,0.0,0.14799489271263178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494134322104302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278818123897636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735465263484213,0.09604611214595098,0.0,0.15228483351699135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805549661883533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963420354203892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093073434615042,0.12782367920420615,0.0,0.0,0.14485297621252827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063091834061488,0.12906277654181816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104798127166488,0.2387088255640914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982259921275965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819157702350104,0.0,0.4805210411987285,0.0,0.0,0.13225894493656026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029555892037422,0.0,0.10489079179884736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273384232392775,0.0,0.08337668687053898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327568423856481,0.09182134125841697,0.1852345697897761,0.09633631889211604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539215442010128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995350587526328,0.0,0.1303057023900396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796473080245903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732569345769563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201642021430227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030617202904184,0.07367364501345793,0.09914571279914627,0.0,0.0,0.11230679034853837,0.0,0.0,0.13945469730987264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kindaoverliving,2019/01/03,"Do you ever just wanna fall into a coma? The word coma, coming from the Greek word koma, means deep sleep. 

I just really want to sleep for a really long time.",1.8602083333333328,3.8423204375000033,4.42625,82.32708333333336,79.0,6.7666666666666675,10.666666666666666,7.793537801064563,-0.2324708333333332,122,0,23,2,3,43,25,32,0.0,0.946,0.054000000000000006,0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,2,0,1,10,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742559235514931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28799266966218345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281756019031198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468088336382841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079243816552039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6372192676135109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856497656230535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877885982303929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AltWithGoodUsername,2019/01/03,"Hello again I've posted here before.

An argument with my S.O. got me here. I've since broken up with her and I still feel like absolute shit.

As I said before, my problems with her were not my only ones. I seem to be dishonest and just generally not a good person to be around. And worse off, I just turned 18 not too long ago, and the idea of being out in the world by myself absolutely terrifies me. I can barely make a decision on what to eat how the fuck am I going to make life decisions?

This plus the constant discontent with myself. I kinda hate myself for who I am. Not my physical appearance. That's fine or whatever. I'm underweight (a bit under 140lb at 6ft tall...) but that's it. I hate who I am. I don't like the fact that I have trouble making basic decisions without being scared of what others may think. About making the wrong one. Choosing to break up with my ex was terrifying and still is every time I think about it. I hate that I do nothing but sit around at home, on my computer, doing nothing but program all day. If I'm not programming, I'm watching videos about programming. I hardly contact my friends anymore. I'd rather stay home and program instead of be at school. But in order to get a job programming I have to have a degree or whatever to do that which is bullshit that experience isn't enough to show for it.

I am scared of going on.

I get recurring thoughts about suicide almost every day. It seems like the only way to get away from this.

I talked with my mother about my depressive feelings and stuff and it never went any further than that. I was hoping maybe she'd schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist or something (I have ADHD, so I gotta see him every once in a while) but she didn't and I have no fucking clue how to set up an appointment. It's not like I'd do it anyways. I lack the willpower to make my situation better. I'm lazy.

I want to do it before school starts again so that I don't have to see anybody else besides my parents that I care about before I do it. I hate feeling like I'm letting them down. Sometimes I want to be selfish and this is one of those times.",2.4329573356022816,4.2801071547344085,4.08766561322475,86.05132824845026,76.75981524249423,7.052121064786679,24.789656010696486,7.94452939551167,1.4064355658198615,1670,58,340,27,38,559,210,433,0.157,0.745,0.099,-0.9826,3,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,1,1,24,25,7,2,17,0,36,5,1,7,3,73,78,26,1,7,19,3,4,5,1,2,1,1,2,1,29,21,1,0,13,2,0,4,13,14,0,3,8,8,54,11,60,60,4,49,0,1,3,2,17,22,3,11,21,245,83,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988047200680988,0.0,0.07287735858719366,0.0,0.08232500250293466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590803858818103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153375798480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637499361700587,0.0,0.0,0.0772423439424245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27983072979868817,0.0,0.0,0.07271121093972878,0.08975591209099659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382220151519272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884364917749461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604188696211607,0.0,0.07081041694189212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841249943586284,0.06867887820370659,0.0,0.0,0.08494858236960606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20780540509183304,0.0,0.0,0.08042063516126435,0.0,0.0,0.12470893533050773,0.11746676436722632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351799088621356,0.15201021899523964,0.12885957227406922,0.0,0.09344771912206704,0.06895683176224067,0.06575369259602203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736471994809019,0.3246754707633837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649338036947579,0.08165661335519668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928090997890734,0.0,0.0,0.08158427044566745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406893308142055,0.05806986728141812,0.200826958089035,0.0,0.0,0.07275641162279849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274390941451346,0.0,0.08259456915367712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340816414979221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777225221461566,0.0,0.0,0.08755475599251134,0.16713010358945926,0.12505423092019435,0.0,0.0,0.09128842671815043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178570762473267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873786253211397,0.0,0.0,0.07866727171714613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782039202686461,0.0,0.1646202274379134,0.16640901951397724,0.13102712282610704,0.1496882707554052,0.0,0.0,0.08439103573344278,0.0680079046580173,0.09241148368132844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329201345469936,0.08131131094837485,0.0,0.0581911794253542,0.08762871384871815,0.13131170706096393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411485436257877,0.08992828853118373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608014363770404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535825651579546,0.0,0.06526838162107537,0.09587877349907707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942474276679847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698337304663544,0.06525729552689923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621279182635772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925093600823971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378263919058881,0.0,0.08988761945210633,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GarIsLonely,2019/01/03,"Walking Corpse I just turned 16 and I feel myself getting closer to death. I realize nothing I do matters and one day my life will end anyway. I keep fucking up my life and I think it's too late for me to be saved. The only way I get through the day is if I'm either passed out from xans or fucked up on other pills or THC. I'm always trying to get harder drugs because they numb the pain. I feel so happy when I'm high and I stop being self conscience. I hate who I am when I'm sober, I'm so introverted and shy I can't stop critiquing myself. I always regret my past decisions and deeply hate who I am. I realize that I should get clean but honestly if I have to be sober any longer that will be the day I break. I feel like I'm trapped and there is no way out, I've convinced myself that no matter what happens I'll end it one day. I feel like I'm not even a person.",1.6312739965095986,2.716734884816759,3.523643979057592,92.47925305410124,77.1151832460733,6.1404537521815,21.633856893542767,6.42735559955562,0.1928091448516573,677,17,159,5,15,229,107,191,0.17800000000000002,0.71,0.112,-0.8211,0,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,4,0,5,0,14,8,0,0,0,33,37,16,1,4,8,0,4,2,0,3,6,0,1,2,9,9,0,3,8,0,0,2,4,7,0,2,0,4,28,6,12,30,1,24,0,1,0,2,5,7,2,4,14,95,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231021757520544,0.0,0.0,0.0911673818975992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172351088401697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458379671312957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547042347806725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374799078887724,0.0,0.0,0.08854729339299368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711449592443853,0.19154915174588388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478780160677353,0.280169367013705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185513962155087,0.14271246979626082,0.0,0.2647187540766778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416448341221828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916128191806513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122881161061572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938520831267786,0.13099274054881047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863698614473412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168900651013734,0.10196089074230252,0.1426523975856552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797822538999676,0.0,0.11705856952021412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985686219151566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416520586853195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590210504962424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101992164447643,0.14582195835857412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282580942351306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sameoldthang,2019/01/03,"Every year Im still so naive... for the past 4 years  I keep saying to my self that this year can't be worse than the last.... Since 2016 my mom's mental illness is slowly destroying her,2017 I've been kicked out of my college,Most of my friend started to forget that I existed. 2018 Ultimate loneliness , can't even recognize my mom and feel like a failure... despite that I always kept hope that I would bounce back.... We are only the 2nd day of  2019 and my father has been diagnosed with cancer... My dad was is basically the only guy that will watch soccer games with me that will motivate me to be a better person....and is basically my best and only real friend right now and he might go.... I feel empty and hopeless and im really thinking about killing myself right now. I don't know if I can keep going everybwhere with all these things happening.",5.759999999999998,5.946906586826353,6.326592814371256,79.44857185628744,66.96407185628743,9.554251497005989,28.67604790419161,9.3871,2.315443592814371,668,20,130,12,10,218,110,167,0.115,0.7490000000000001,0.136,0.5559,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,1,0,0,3,7,9,2,0,6,0,18,3,0,1,1,26,30,8,1,3,1,4,2,1,2,4,3,1,0,2,9,11,0,3,5,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,4,19,6,13,20,2,16,0,1,1,0,12,3,0,3,12,80,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453423245827722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584287991326624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444531717091858,0.12173854424546007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877162669254945,0.0,0.0,0.13970990756148033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091526114290732,0.0,0.11597444729299325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919801403685128,0.09833581855172413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126931361463276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645715622050288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629324393742734,0.12172174589180687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136715605604699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973671020119513,0.0,0.0,0.2446958828119685,0.1522872104359293,0.0,0.07564778703395629,0.11220155992103892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724790085883375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387168932696419,0.14602286453819074,0.0,0.3224235441923613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140627111116199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140067116786702,0.0,0.12018899741759377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566736543357302,0.0881808871464206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510142289374436,0.0,0.10946328100683772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359697130816346,0.0,0.0,0.1138639173141235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742802216622544,0.0,0.1099259375094082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144727053262397,0.08819933409652922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027515697076573,0.09778124939678072,0.0,0.0,0.2659225589427868
suicidewatch,Iceflower64,2019/01/03,"Making an impact There's often been times where I've tried to talk about how close I am to suicide with friends, family, and even my boyfriend. My dad flipped his shit on me, my friends are completely unresponsive, and my bf brushes it aside.

I feel as if I'm alone; or that I'm screaming but no sound is heard. I'm trying to talk about it with the people I'm closest to, but I honestly feel like they think it's for attention.

I recently rewrote a good ton of letters in the case where I were to go. I had a slew before, but destroyed them in a good spell. Everything is coming back harder than ever recently, and I wrote a new batch just incase.

I think that I would like to make one, meaningful impact if I were to off myself. To do it in front of people, or have a video automatically sent after I do kill myself. Just to have some incarnation of my voice heard. 

I don't think it'll be anytime soon, but it's slowly building.

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suicidewatch,noone2312,2019/01/03,"I can't live anymore Will turn 22 in a week, could not get a job through campus placement. Got rejected by many companies in various rounds. My family expected a lot from me. I expected more from me, but wasted time and can't get a job. I think of myself as a big loser. All day I am inside my hostel room depressed. I don't have any friends. In 5 months I will graduate, most probably without any job. I don't think I should live anymore. I am not interested in my graduation branch, but can't get any job in another sector. I consider myself a waste. I have failed everyone. Today also I got a rejection. I am crying always inside. Feels like I can't make it to my next birthday. Most of my friends got a job.",0.7976713995943214,3.154877675862072,3.524056795131848,84.98868154158217,86.03448275862068,7.2738336713995935,23.70182555780933,8.313332769828598,1.8614624746450303,553,22,112,14,17,194,81,145,0.282,0.696,0.022,-0.9911,5,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,8,0,15,0,0,1,1,18,26,5,0,4,5,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,2,23,4,14,19,6,13,0,5,1,0,2,7,0,3,7,73,24,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885787783068277,0.10286071133819796,0.0,0.0,0.2521949879121747,0.1296250485367841,0.0,0.0,0.2451931854364701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869952103066623,0.0,0.13578940333630296,0.07972387357265348,0.0,0.1064726569778806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812302289005057,0.0,0.0,0.11653676528263544,0.0,0.06250535946059088,0.08831326695220995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910150948864404,0.0,0.19375710000849453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29660764584469296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.613362723812263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039388198510915,0.0,0.21831526002836046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509624923184936,0.0,0.0,0.08251648231632691,0.12533002006168426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867131496091802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146995384505314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328193162489102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841981999624838,0.0,0.0,0.0720830931598972,0.0,0.11717613026110388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344617130239161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991595128246237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916407344000875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,octoberjuly,2019/01/03,"Suicidal but helping a suicidal friend I spent my new years cheering up a friend after a suicide attempt. He has no one left in his life except me. I’m suffering so much. I can’t handle it- but if I’m the only person he has left, I can’t kill myself. Why can’t I just disappear",-0.03128571428571547,2.1108053000000027,3.092857142857145,88.15500000000004,87.66666666666666,6.095238095238094,21.904761904761905,7.447530270364453,1.0704761904761908,218,8,46,4,7,78,42,60,0.37,0.441,0.189,-0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,8,4,4,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,8,3,4,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118444335746696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527272944834876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327903824027026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385464372053453,0.0,0.1425483128281734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835767278800524,0.0,0.0,0.19491474513715984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367554603033553,0.1534898430481066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621758041035918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6622604668711252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210717090024592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996261699012338
suicidewatch,Siked,2019/01/03,"Killing myself on Friday? Ever since the winter break started for college I’ve been feeling extra shitty. Two hours of sleep every night and drinking almost every single day. I feel like I’ve been slowly preparing to kill myself friday. I just don’t have the drive to keep going anymore. School fucking sucks. The only people that hit me up from home anymore are just tryna fuck. My exgf tells me how much she misses me and I just don’t feel anything. It all feels surreal. I go out and try to meet new people but everyone feels so fake. I yearn for real interactions with people but I don’t think I get any. I’ve been trying so hard to better myself in 2018 but nothing has changed for 2019. I feel like I feel even less than I did last year. Sorry this is so jumbled, I just wanted to put my feelings out somewhere ",2.145631808278868,4.577466598765433,3.3499273783587533,88.01820261437912,80.54320987654322,4.799419026870008,20.640522875816988,5.900188976854957,0.21498431372548987,647,18,120,4,17,209,108,162,0.13699999999999998,0.799,0.064,-0.8803,0,0,1,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,5,0,3,0,11,4,1,1,2,30,31,10,2,2,7,0,9,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,1,9,1,0,4,3,8,0,1,4,9,20,3,17,26,5,19,0,2,0,2,5,5,3,1,11,76,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186712436134665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276163600701922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413916628457517,0.0,0.0,0.10015050055643827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763566251625878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287447386013339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848781921059396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922177546191155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038312291811753,0.11008656313577388,0.2050786223329393,0.116291620686922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922901141842008,0.1738880819463743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250233549865734,0.06358435081296286,0.0,0.13833227405158205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902122253423599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207718041394827,0.0,0.11985210367811575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081744636619033,0.2692907967582412,0.0,0.0,0.0992034964136604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189150471057681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946508419498111,0.0,0.0,0.11754069578495817,0.0,0.11420922435945385,0.0,0.11677649618487965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925599699248149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531188432668138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234427608869468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852369180025353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316907415360664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067327692116083,0.0,0.12179004281211694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136235594113729,0.08614140885705142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637304419086804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798182422677367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652555435449209,0.0,0.11888531748758455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178308183856949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837219506560987
suicidewatch,MaleficentElderberry,2019/01/03,I'm so tired. Title says it all. I'm exhausted and I feel defeated. I've tried therapy. I've tried medications. Nothing is working. When am I allowed to give up? I can't stand it anymore. I don't care anymore. I'm done.,-2.0438297872340385,-0.8284237872340405,1.8089574468085097,90.46450000000002,116.65957446808511,5.2842553191489365,23.84893617021277,6.742157984588678,1.4670102127659574,170,9,37,4,10,62,32,47,0.263,0.737,0.0,-0.8865,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,4,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,10,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,17,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161464333360892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653166701485121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26630046252753503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157754891329668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24963147509338285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26214925072443146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496928489275363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694131752589665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29758989854325313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990902887239051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533513062720461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944685610918224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamverysadallthetime,2019/01/03,Hopeless I don't know what I'm doing anymore,0.997,2.9959167000000018,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,82.0,4.0,30.0,3.1291,1.102,37,2,7,0,1,13,9,10,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8746764647467943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847072126738471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skye1121,2019/01/03,"I wanna die and I'm planning it I don't deserve to live. I hurt too many people on the way and I'm done breaking relationships. The world is definitely a better place without me... I lost my best friend because I was too much for her, now I'm losing my roommate as well.... it's all because of me. So before I lose anyone else, I'm going to take my life because I'm not worth living. At least when I'm dead people won't hate me as much :)

​

I want to die of CO or Nitrogen poisoning, these are known painless ways to die. I've also thought of overdosing by cough syrup or ibuprofen. Jumping off a building will be the least considerated method cuz there's a high chance that I won't die and I might be immobile the rest of my life. I don't know... I'll figure a way to do it. Holidays are almost over and I'll be seeing my roommate soon, and she'll probably ignore me or cut our friendship off at that point. If that's how it is.... I'm pretty sure I'll just commit suicide.

​

People will probably be traumatized or hurt... but I'd rather they feel that way. Perhaps that's how I'll live- in their hearts. This sounds selfish I know, but I'll just be another person on the news and nothing else. I'll stop hurting people in the future. ",2.0220564042303195,3.8198390115830136,3.7453684740641258,88.26699345308045,77.8030888030888,6.3576296793688085,24.38828269263052,7.255503002510835,1.0061185496055065,980,34,206,12,23,328,141,259,0.147,0.737,0.116,-0.9024,0,0,1,0,0,4,47.0,1,0,2,6,14,16,3,0,10,0,20,6,1,3,3,38,37,21,6,4,12,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,11,6,0,2,7,1,1,2,6,11,1,0,4,3,25,5,24,22,7,25,0,6,1,0,8,13,0,7,5,125,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198435146203184,0.0,0.0,0.07346027353538002,0.0,0.19906017667484469,0.2232394980623076,0.0,0.09632304204282256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423052957136938,0.09412125218902456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799070080536208,0.0,0.07816595024932382,0.0,0.09640122516627324,0.08124255546875357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813440064634712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400450000224296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347420294296688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644709055222238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097067743947325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052206058777483993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069256515581377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885434183424116,0.0,0.09705495473803503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29501354641600325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009675213760221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976663028165952,0.0,0.0,0.2433417407477471,0.0,0.0,0.2055353077523436,0.10027585662668187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313145050205053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744876403343933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505509039124547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814198516512772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547361618947262,0.08020846109137603,0.09597397186032426,0.0,0.08683723186588323,0.0,0.0,0.09345447217044599,0.1980808686032602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862308074105527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320039204776099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767989317938897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047974548602698,0.0,0.08657680345105173,0.0,0.06906716069531235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292644484495463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054181308236079626,0.29165623199314195,0.0,0.0,0.08259301984810713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854959890486555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232394980623076,0.0
suicidewatch,DAQEBAR,2019/01/03,"Debating on leaving this world I have never been in a darker place in my life. I am 20 years old, and I am really debating on taking my life. Suicidal thoughts have been a challenge I have faced from a young age. I have huge attachment issues due to being adopted, and have always avoided getting attached to girls. I fall in love and I can’t take it when it happens. Well it happened, and I took the girl to NYC for New Years and I got rejected. I have never felt more empty, alone, and sad. I don’t know if I can take it. I have avoided falling in love for 5 years. And I didn’t want this to happen. But it did, and I took a risk and got my heart ripped out and crushed. I can’t take the pain this time. I have no one to turn to on this. Really don’t know if I can do it this time. Maybe goodbye.",0.4562538699690393,2.301447766081872,2.4791400068799447,95.20424148606813,83.03508771929825,5.6609563123495015,20.58513931888545,6.794906146795322,0.2105195046439623,612,18,144,7,17,205,86,171,0.173,0.715,0.112,-0.8902,0,4,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,0,3,6,0,22,7,2,0,2,23,42,14,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,11,11,0,2,4,0,0,4,8,6,1,1,10,1,21,4,17,31,1,28,0,2,0,2,4,11,0,2,13,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887108223107922,0.0,0.0,0.11156902761094016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874212686259615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005360601868503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447921302726794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557113852367745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889075292074026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994935958291918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737864582752608,0.0,0.0,0.14197610273518044,0.0,0.0,0.18941566539291127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420329541747193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470588109205786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682843212936172,0.12949962511849514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069910502024138,0.0,0.09085911294052963,0.0,0.14267533905799862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008974187636875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179590104434672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666665697056416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032593640292965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064480987528489,0.15637147568611082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29794557901758706,0.0,0.14584540956220873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908649958097841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055804930268142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590380245649913
suicidewatch,whistlepoo,2019/01/03,"Thoughts And Ruminations I've been active on this sub for a while. I try my best to help people. I suffered from some terrible depression some time ago. It peaks it's head up time and time again. Occasional suicidal ideation. 

I'm sitting on the floor, looking out the window, thinking about what contentment means- the freedom we have to be content:

It's your life. Only yours. The freedom you have- truly you can do anything at anytime- is incredible. 

They try to deny us freedom psychologically- we are bombarded with adverts for expensive things, lack of money being presented as a barrier against our freedom to be happy. 

Likewise, thanks to social media, we are taught that we need the approval of other people to be happy, that we need a romantic partner to be happy. 

These are socially/ psychologically constructed walls, that attempt to prevent us from being happy.  Poison. 

With a degree of mindfulness, clarity, awareness- choice- I believe it can be possible to be happy just sitting, looking out the window. I know this probably cannot apply to people to people who are suffering from grief or mental disorders, but for people like myself, at a point in life where cynicism and feeling miserable are the most dominant of emotions, maybe these thoughts will help. I hope they do.",4.668105726872245,7.853306964757709,5.469261674008813,72.02320528634365,76.26872246696037,8.037286343612335,32.42801762114537,8.841846274778883,3.62727291629956,1039,53,151,25,25,337,138,227,0.109,0.685,0.206,0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,8,4,2,3,4,17,2,1,12,0,23,4,1,0,0,31,37,7,2,4,3,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,2,1,15,12,0,2,6,0,2,0,1,8,0,0,4,3,21,9,34,24,5,21,0,5,2,0,20,12,0,5,8,119,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473712741812446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794798670793885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041011376394252,0.1121574028195002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205020080864153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248657199980993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202185794141668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403857716407897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5688454495228625,0.0,0.0,0.10968329645158613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327043825656613,0.0,0.0,0.10614974436413203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058735015800498835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097617483518433,0.05221311388423056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949405956435374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736904264436399,0.11641684048407835,0.0,0.0,0.10770359897416844,0.0,0.10791201715916246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849105690318988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128229973296447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37046399401358265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010302345983008,0.120484090516649,0.0,0.0,0.11522797419044048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788865019612816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690253179085044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839498635745167,0.0,0.0,0.07100216794491544,0.06848038105103828,0.0,0.16969163278914873,0.18695682220990345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512051628650185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571119147925143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heinukun,2019/01/03,"Was I made to suffer? Sometimes it feels that way sometimes. I want to get married and be a marine and be a good mother, that's what's keeping me going. but Jesus Christ, what do I do in the middle? How the fuck do you get from here to there. I just want to chain up my heart so I can't be hurt anymore. God damn",-0.8031521739130412,1.1352271449275406,1.4549094202898551,99.99366847826089,89.14492753623188,3.45,15.871376811594205,3.1291,-1.2417405797101448,239,5,58,0,8,80,49,69,0.14400000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.159,-0.392,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,2,0,4,0,8,2,1,2,0,10,17,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,8,1,7,12,0,5,2,2,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615061803160584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332783105472135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24377394542430816,0.2755306544219667,0.0,0.14985913007599988,0.22116774850732995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31246980435363714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822818810806013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23437670105482214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495065677265159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521585435729918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31105829127022305,0.20930209170753786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,socialsponge2,2019/01/03,"I want it to be over Everything I always think about if I was able to die. I think of what I’d be leaving behind, but it doesn’t feel like enough. It’s gotten to the point where I spend more time thinking of ways to kill my self than I do anything else. I fantasize my mom finding my limp corpse and not crying just telling the police, none of my class caring none of my three friends or any of my family ever thinking about me ever again. But no one is so lucky. I think of writing letters or making a video or something. The only thing that’s keeping me from killing my self is my three friends who 1 of which my parents are completely cutting out of my life. I may someday be free of wanting to die but I’ll never be free of the things that make me want to do it. I’ve looked for help in all sorts of places and I fear this is my last one please. Help.",3.44058608058608,3.8293779120879137,4.199725274725279,91.96610805860807,72.07692307692308,6.945787545787545,26.155677655677657,6.42735559955562,0.7444930402930403,668,20,154,4,12,214,110,182,0.156,0.64,0.204,0.8345,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,1,5,0,13,1,0,2,4,33,28,10,4,4,9,2,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,12,3,0,1,7,1,3,0,6,4,0,4,2,3,24,9,26,21,5,13,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,7,7,107,36,2,0.12345178127329785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272177153538846,0.0,0.0,0.08395144460780511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159029721445692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586731863805006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943684389662458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560598487965694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562469168780535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031281222672608,0.0,0.0,0.12755869079658905,0.0,0.0,0.2233384078191188,0.0,0.0,0.11095050079163124,0.0,0.1163793524572935,0.1389175755706523,0.062420929922772136,0.08819397720847623,0.0,0.0,0.11283269156620407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075707995273164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549425347125335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972961546242373,0.2731622101516191,0.0,0.0,0.10062967862749428,0.0,0.13071761133838164,0.0,0.0,0.08719764401624268,0.06031230453979749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366840414395817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648100452374366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458523418412464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521362427887466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730824389599594,0.09389064260866188,0.0,0.0,0.13707859357066784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289808360583473,0.13551298396393546,0.11670183644534993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25757426340224104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503921253252326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790229819038223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403175591383112,0.3955145833773962,0.0,0.0,0.07198572643338677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184451773610578,0.09799027776731542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Youngfred,2019/01/03,"I can’t tell my girlfriend what’s wrong I don’t want to be alive. I don’t want any of this. I have no goals or ambitions because I just don’t care. It’s not worth it. I wish I was dead. In fact, I wish I would’ve killed myself like 5 years ago so I wouldn’t have had to waste so much time. My girlfriend doesn’t understand why I push her away, why I’m so distant. It’s not that I don’t love her, it’s that I wish she’d leave me and move on so that I could kill myself without hurting her. It’s all I can think about. The moment I open my eyes each morning all I can do is visualize hanging myself from the closet. Or sticking a gun in my mouth. It’s all I want. But as long as she loves me I can’t do it. I think I’m starting to resent her because of it. I hate myself so much. Every day I do more and more to embarrass myself and make myself cringe. I have no idea how to function. I will never do anything with my life not only because I’m incapable of it, but because I don’t want it. I would rather just kill myself rather than to continue dealing with this crippling shame and anxiety ",0.36253292440916596,2.0403842033195048,2.4998412412051247,95.80288471946602,82.48547717842324,5.353130073967166,20.43676709363161,6.280692351149826,-0.03735013530579101,847,24,204,7,23,286,116,241,0.207,0.728,0.065,-0.9816,0,0,0,1,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,5,2,3,0,26,5,2,2,5,41,45,16,4,12,12,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,16,8,0,0,4,0,1,3,16,9,0,0,2,1,46,4,21,37,8,17,0,1,1,2,12,5,0,2,10,143,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074652415915696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824422151168011,0.0,0.09274248328650517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997639668484674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390186628320567,0.0,0.0,0.29560867600510915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360455031846256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679423701595227,0.0,0.0,0.07818489323796818,0.12498532033918555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214355777594497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969193375298487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978183232988652,0.13685666610427208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023771918930185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836764732111988,0.0,0.0,0.08563005626941851,0.059228045548101536,0.0,0.0,0.10728689271888177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883401715527195,0.0,0.08092359378894615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885089572581004,0.17823958231129705,0.0,0.09350192997297713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220273208590317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858089436373036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059624943985974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553617023123851,0.0,0.0,0.0706916095569928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620724350981705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28602413196280296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187868376955029,0.0,0.41823396228992105,0.1168637440981581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224009133549162,0.13254863962933394,0.0,0.07806971534766324
suicidewatch,depressed_n_lonely,2019/01/03,"I'm 14yo and I cant see myself living to 15 I have been battling depression since the 2nd grade. Each year, I have felt it getting worse and worse. There is a crushing sadness in the background of my life like white noise, drowning everything else out. On top of this, I have impulsive decision making, severe anxiety, and a tendency to self harm. My resting heart rate is also abnormally high. I first tried to end my life in the sixth grade, but a school teacher grabbed me while I was slamming my head into a table. I still have the scars. Later that year I tried to run away to the ben Franklin bridge, but I was found by a pedestrian and  the police were called. In seventh grade, I inhaled air duster but I was taken to the er after passing out. I realized the emotional toll my attempts were having on my family, especially my younger brother, and stopped. In the 8th grade I started to get panic attacks triggered by simple things, like a bad grade or argument, sometimes causing me to lose consciousness. After a one week suspension from my school for mental health, and a mandatory weekly psychiatrist meeting, I have had no visible incidents besides out of body experiences and panic attacks. But inside, there is not a single day that goes by where I do not consider suicide. I am now in my first year of high school, and I don't know how much longer I can go without ending it all. I know that this time I will make no mistakes. I feel lonely no matter how many people are near me. Somedays I wake up feeling dumb as a rock. I am here because I want help finding a reason to get up in the morning, and a reason not to end it all.",5.277654986522911,6.13452496855346,5.900619946091645,79.72915094339623,68.18238993710692,8.698652291105121,32.123989218328845,8.841846274778883,2.658961185983828,1292,54,241,21,21,420,186,318,0.2,0.733,0.067,-0.9925,0,2,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,0,5,9,15,4,2,22,0,24,7,4,8,2,47,41,19,2,2,9,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,12,1,0,3,9,13,1,3,10,7,37,2,39,30,6,44,0,4,2,0,5,21,1,1,22,170,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196785422871736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841091966758874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23321322890488685,0.0963005277692455,0.0,0.085581799926564,0.062482012897134766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138525057545079,0.0,0.0,0.10466222525503124,0.0,0.0,0.10529398952003276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610292463231221,0.0,0.08828163640589923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562417813921508,0.11529679266141105,0.2723492145713473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211886375471856,0.10026300619955801,0.09662627600942236,0.0,0.1036524413674824,0.0,0.09841444278077398,0.0,0.09368159014429016,0.17437000483362014,0.0,0.11238409649895187,0.0,0.0,0.16065339533665365,0.0,0.05825214649749017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519282752320032,0.1089509008607442,0.0,0.12146098012192612,0.06870245054746592,0.21659016497700714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266077126705418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479516237515871,0.10015098489855162,0.0,0.09050787758441596,0.0,0.0,0.11466938069992788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683682357729007,0.10391718940693148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329417948810928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534804479528805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945550139264893,0.0,0.0,0.24051934331680302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105941613092934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077064886491015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31120125801795434,0.08167787534804194,0.0,0.10692808192742627,0.11579390507881347,0.0,0.0847876537243521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137344050271642,0.0,0.07254882495996631,0.0,0.08185527553175434,0.08569316915449451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211650507904243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809531668023447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976758354660605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917923634381266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604561535327967,0.0,0.16443590882095002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880470444409242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890905066184928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980166357963334
suicidewatch,Slayaisawesome,2019/01/03,"Life is Ilussion and lost hope. Power feeds the soul.

But not all of us have it within our reach. 

Desolation. Loneliness. powerlessness. Lacking. Dissociation. Dissatisfaction. 

All that posseses your body at times might feel all bad. Only darkness. Only void.

Then there are those of us who have fallen even deeper into the pit. Our bodies husked with horns of death, rejection, abuse, lies, and hate.

There is no ""sometimes."" 

The will breakers are with you always.

""Why can't I make someone care?""

""Why does darkness chose me?""

""Am I just not worth anything?""

Life is here to bring us pain. And it has made that very clear. 

Hope is a distant dream locked behind doors to which there is no key. 

No amount of sacrifice. No amount of mourning. No amount of forgiveness nor predisposition for suffering will help you find it.

The will broken's resolve is thin.

But so is the foundation of this reality. 

That is why so many of us with to escape it, and why others stand at laugh at your pain.

Destiny has not favored you. 

Nor have the ones you loved most.

The pangs of reality crush your heart, mind, and would one by one. 

A future would be a luxury.

So would a spec of hope.

No more suffering, there would be.

No more lies.

No more hate.

No more disappointment.

No more tears.

No more punishment.

No more void.

Noore laughing at my pain. 

No more frowning upon me.

Death is fresh, death is pure. Death greets and never abandons. Death doesn't lie, and it doesn't feel. 

Life steals, cheats, lies, corrupts, and tortures. 

More pain is more life. Less life is more peace.

",1.438725620567375,4.094673086805557,1.9185372340425533,92.2216755319149,95.90972222222223,4.951063829787233,18.280437352245862,6.6644487293756285,0.25555162529550834,1211,35,236,18,47,369,153,288,0.33,0.537,0.133,-0.9972,2,0,0,0,1,0,70.0,6,7,0,3,10,28,5,0,11,0,33,14,3,2,6,43,46,16,6,8,6,0,3,0,0,8,9,0,1,0,13,12,1,1,5,1,1,2,22,18,0,3,2,3,18,10,26,34,20,15,2,7,0,1,17,8,0,5,4,161,31,0,0.0,0.10895535107398363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651653367166833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567370851705775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678120036583838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042895116482883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937574457758746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047318230729852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073747988876532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299359064513783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404806804286946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157923732972547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897083094039976,0.0616375984804655,0.0,0.0,0.2740055269547094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247637460263427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003831655746843,0.0,0.08299580575508793,0.08701300935777631,0.06138276816757882,0.09323111395360817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755304760382552,0.09285150050231973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092378158242925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869396334330936,0.1398766086144697,0.3913997502323863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791582808607829,0.0,0.09094894537965303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053621527142589824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424572483025359,0.0,0.0,0.07587509075962054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319116491886499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26129767847886304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lies7,2019/01/03,"I could not do it... Hey guys,

Very long time passed since I talked with you. I said that I'll do something in 31 Dec 2018. Yes I did but not a successful try. I tried to hang myself and the rope has broken aaand yes sadly I am alive. I wish I could pick a very strong rope.

I'll do it again as soon as possible with a gun.",-0.9683333333333336,0.8378821666666703,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,88.44444444444444,4.711111111111111,13.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,-1.2897833333333333,244,3,66,2,8,80,50,72,0.183,0.608,0.209,0.2918,0,0,1,1,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,1,0,10,10,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,10,2,6,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173172732424158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25876757874594103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312775786264865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29462145876073376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248594081475614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161830574920567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011922151148393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005510407868536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238939140860122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548652608082878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43126555769976177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30052797580541313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peaxchiie,2019/01/03,tired of hearing voice mail. Fuck you. I’m tired. Every time I see hope it’s crushed. I’m tired of being annoyed. I’m ready to die again. But this time I’m not going to the hospital. ,-1.9701071428571413,-0.2521032249999955,0.5035714285714299,101.63,106.25,3.2857142857142865,15.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-0.9183214285714284,141,4,34,1,7,47,28,40,0.414,0.482,0.104,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,10,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,9,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743828538023398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275763831258927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211504105005978,0.0,0.0,0.13002136519770266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578525180876088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723089328686397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230862719638588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668077753197399,0.7888494071723874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soulshine-luv,2019/01/03,"Glad I didn’t succeed I thought about it multiple times, but only tried once. I am fortunate that my friends came and got me as I was falling asleep in the car due to CO2 poisoning. Although I still think about wanting it to be over, I realize that there is something beautiful about life and continuing to live. That doesn’t mean I don’t still think about it (all the time), but I just think about my friends and family that love me, and how much I love them. Always reflect and never regret! ",4.3871281296023605,5.644052484536086,4.6555228276877765,86.36587628865982,70.54639175257732,8.429455081001473,29.32106038291605,8.841846274778883,2.147068924889544,389,15,80,7,7,122,63,97,0.06,0.629,0.31,0.9854,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,1,0,2,0,7,5,1,1,2,21,17,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,5,0,14,6,11,11,2,12,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,57,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940410571249784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328539827196676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919275712611262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145879598327134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283040219507058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380241582690562,0.0,0.0,0.1797746725029782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367497835491593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177039420718653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496628850254355,0.0,0.15702200839723413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168178785021479,0.0,0.1548402067853021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673437642326418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32517623314362104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913588713968955,0.0,0.16162859316929085,0.2374312169316753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822499378347886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008330647253712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dulledemotions,2019/01/03,"Is this what being at the end feels like? Finally reached what I feel the pinnacle of my life will ever be. The littlest things have me on edge all the time, I feel like as if I’m holding on to the cliff with my pinky.

I put on the obvious front while at work but the second that weight has been lifted another immediately dawns and out weighs anything I’ve ever felt before. 

Just a few moments ago my gf and I finished what seems like our 100th fight this week, I know it all stems from me and my baggage. I can’t even remember what started it all... I try to say it’s from the constant belittlement but who the fuck knows - I, like, tons of others had a rough childhood and that shaped the future I am currently living in. There has been multiple attempts but as you can tell I am still able to write my story. Maybe in an alternate reality I did get help when I was 18 but 10 years too late. 

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suicidewatch,ayeitskam,2019/01/03,HELP IM TIRED OF FEELING THE WAY I DO i love her i know it’s stupid she’s just a girl. i love her she doesn’t understand she’s the world to me literally the reason i smile. i have failed my life long dream of joining the infantry. in reality i joined the infantry to die without it being considered suicide. i failed. now i’m back home and back to looking around hopeless. i just don’t get it why can’t i be happy. i’m alone i vent to the people i think are there for me and no matter what they blow it off. it’s hopeless just like the dream of becoming happy.,-1.1185167464114798,0.9345358347107472,1.3267420617659873,96.89336668116572,99.74380165289257,4.200260983036102,17.93866898651588,6.05967700443912,-0.2394561983471073,440,14,101,5,19,148,72,121,0.227,0.55,0.223,-0.3954,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,1,0,8,0,8,4,0,1,0,13,18,2,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,2,21,5,12,16,0,9,0,4,1,2,10,4,0,0,5,65,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600861650295168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847493659262353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910471328422249,0.0,0.0,0.2090146262796885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964143181655396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569180023246764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988766716307212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029258205937649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126852027536161,0.0,0.18983578706182933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044252823456384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040082787814082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367470722188105,0.0924592601347414,0.0,0.0,0.16748259428697526,0.15892451829916288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416157182167612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120392271184644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458319128772536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070116258767048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126542346742608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175180218541579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701862944449056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021990374759112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707710338349528,0.0,0.0,0.18243275150985952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Truly42,2019/01/03,"Life worth continuing? To get to the point i recently turned 21 and feel like i have nothing to live for anymore some background info I grew up in a single parent household most my life and was abused physical and verbally i honestly think physical abuse is less damaging then verbal at 18 i left home was homeless slept in my car then when my car got totaled from an accident i slept on benches,etc i used to listen to ed sharen the A Team because it was relatable eventually i got a good paying job and got a place since 18 ive been doing good in terms of regular life but in terms of happiness i just dont feel anything i cant remember when i did feel something my emotions are so hard for me to understand i think they might not be as deep as others i dont know if something is wrong with me but im sick of living my life so numb i tried to take my life at 16 that didnt work out tho and im honestly just planning on hanging myself somewhere i know it might sound messed up but i dont feel anything im hard working dating a beautiful person there smart funny the whole nine yards i have friends and alot of people say i have alot to show for myself and came a long way but i feel dead inside i usually can play the part i need to be but recently i just havent been caring to do so and people have been noticing i dont care tho i just want to end it. ",2.7511244852708288,3.9755009337979104,4.340235983528668,87.18062321824516,74.50522648083624,7.726892619575546,25.93744060817232,8.296473431620573,1.5371407665505226,1076,37,233,18,22,361,153,287,0.14,0.7290000000000001,0.131,-0.5662,2,0,2,0,3,1,3.0,0,0,1,4,12,15,0,0,13,0,29,9,2,1,1,44,54,25,1,3,11,1,7,1,1,2,7,3,2,1,5,11,0,0,12,4,2,5,8,4,0,1,14,10,36,11,33,36,11,34,0,1,0,0,7,15,0,7,14,152,41,5,0.0,0.20925198246524615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757399971870795,0.0,0.0,0.14533360107241733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053829396962190836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099643573621338,0.18006395469422876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139672763490435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993302957581751,0.07821127662045507,0.0,0.0984824817136828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232461853324144,0.06308451029308798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822357577383951,0.0,0.046135279525099264,0.0,0.0,0.1481306814405626,0.21187471297402724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400142143942106,0.15820636717925335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857627340728114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28615094098949434,0.0,0.08762825427955233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705931511177264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594272934765156,0.0,0.3118592020446383,0.04314095267012223,0.0,0.15594838401630035,0.07814640375311385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735352055142224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547641651538444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473022409710229,0.1005348726234354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805132074528686,0.09562480123183824,0.0,0.12243797347280115,0.07710378737243129,0.09225905370726263,0.0,0.08347597461282635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437941187309322,0.0,0.10003140059423894,0.0,0.0,0.07022301313085437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304611452474864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596171464367796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639373951586118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316348166114798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059952728910796886,0.09604957003655737,0.0,0.09192774585921028,0.0,0.0762664430609895,0.09725455787090427,0.0,0.05208408206505305,0.0700917328155221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858844228105916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857296187349715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654673788102863,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tee91011,2019/01/03,To go on or not I want to kill myself but I'm worried if I do I won't end up with my fiance ,-2.1803999999999992,-1.9393976399999973,2.501000000000001,99.3955,85.4,5.0,16.5,3.1291,-1.1438,69,1,22,0,2,28,21,25,0.168,0.73,0.102,-0.1386,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597902467504646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950304320206733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5743343746170897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061930961781409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271961562463083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Colenolli,2019/01/03,"I can't wait until I get the courage to kms I fucking hate being alive and I don't really want to carry on. But anytime I really think about doing the big deed, I feel like I won't be able to do it, and I think about the grieving friends and family I'd leave behind. I still want to do it, and I get visions and dreams of me actually having that courage. But I guess I'll have to wait. Maybe some big event will finally push me over the edge, I don't know. But for now I guess I'll just drink and pretend everything is a-ok to my friends and family.",1.3297500000000009,2.6560591416666703,3.4466666666666685,91.725,78.41666666666666,7.133333333333333,22.0,7.908726449838941,0.77765,427,12,102,7,10,146,69,120,0.106,0.706,0.188,0.8955,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,4,0,13,2,0,0,0,22,27,11,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,2,4,3,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,16,5,14,23,1,10,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,3,6,64,19,0,0.19108185501667604,0.0,0.1864683266073116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718747229437716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173205025985064,0.0,0.3602699341202488,0.0,0.0966167272637735,0.13650891540387328,0.0,0.20932083216348374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952587343736965,0.1766520959109261,0.1996647652669776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209964121193747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865377203033454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501359029494248,0.0,0.0,0.2023280944208574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933529424438359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196740651118865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482385850843505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152598216246812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24487507429509195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541005769797465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,losercase,2019/01/03,Most efficient way to kill yourself? I want to poison myself with cyanide.,3.5584615384615397,6.78508061538462,3.2834615384615375,83.09903846153847,89.0,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.4294923076923083,60,3,9,1,2,18,12,13,0.398,0.388,0.213,-0.701,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7455713072207456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974841086809488,0.5349110292331429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neverstayhappy101,2019/01/03,"im ready to die? So I see a therapist and a psychiatrist and I have been institutionalized in September. I feel better and stable now, but like I am ready to die. Not that I want to die necessarily, but I feel ready to go. Like i feel like my lifes purpose is fulfilled and I could go now with no regrets. I'm not lonely or unloved or feeling alone, just at peace. Kind of like how when someone is in a hospital and they are just ready to go home. Im ready and I am not sure what to do with that info?",0.9552336448598098,2.7004066261682276,3.360570093457945,90.02683644859816,80.86915887850466,6.522990654205607,21.914953271028036,7.554174236665415,0.6420773831775697,387,12,92,6,10,134,59,107,0.181,0.482,0.338,0.9646,0,3,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,1,27,19,13,3,3,9,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,5,11,7,12,17,0,9,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,2,7,59,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580263576487462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012395743345167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552603473081853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284995443291021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34330879942107684,0.12126448800535243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894067068838175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026614606744347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667033020744854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676129375255206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989455506590305,0.3317115731453154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526325552519747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382275816300644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998084108775762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708479514894534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011886460723528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,young-n-terrified,2019/01/03,"scared to live but terrified to die. ive struggled with suicidal impulses and general anxiety for as long as I can remember. Ive never had an actual attempt to kill myself because im scared of pain and even more scared of failing. i guess that makes me a coward. im now 21 and my only support system i have is my boyfriend. i only have one other close friend and were not even that close, a family that doesnt care about me, and no direction in life. i love my boyfriend to bits but im terrified of losing him which may or may not be imminent depending on how the next day or so goes. i dont know what i will do if he leaves me, i literally feel like if that would happen id break in a way that cant heal. killing yourself over a breakup is so fucking cliche but i almost done care anymore.  guess im getting a little less cowardly. 

i dont feel like i can talk to anyone in my family about this & ive started therapy with my campus therapist without their knowledge. I haven't been since the semester ended in December and if my boyfriend would leave me i dont think id have the motivation to go to class and succeed. which means no more therapy. my family cant afford a therapist and most definitely cant afford a trip to the looney bin. 

i feel so trapped. ive started thinking about a plan, who i am going to write letters to, and details regarding my funeral and what is to be done with my possessions once im gone. im so scared. ",3.266015863331301,4.389903630872485,5.096082977425262,82.6521354484442,73.09395973154362,9.04234289200732,28.9816961561928,9.457814108942452,2.5444308724832205,1134,46,237,27,22,389,155,298,0.258,0.638,0.104,-0.9953,2,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,6,11,19,3,5,13,0,34,5,0,4,1,50,56,25,5,5,11,0,3,2,1,5,3,0,0,0,12,15,0,0,10,0,0,4,14,11,0,1,6,3,35,8,30,43,5,24,0,2,0,2,9,9,1,12,10,156,47,5,0.0,0.0,0.07745810232237224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948213741016172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600228225717163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060721306781017184,0.0,0.07871821632175525,0.055500524775959216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048385983604151535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665644119399428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618552696336771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119001259948517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823782421697625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245542785472358,0.2790791135020853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030228391514715,0.0,0.0,0.10485227176267377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244817599467828,0.0,0.12040245894752385,0.11341037622477025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132457365495325,0.07338048434008686,0.04146992172775675,0.0,0.0902207619327016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748800118529914,0.0,0.07019064466862908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144287515892205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756323391021052,0.0,0.043622172034799525,0.0,0.0,0.1680923567608919,0.0,0.0,0.056064585852724384,0.07755678296118347,0.0795541427496804,0.0700891741124897,0.0702439712147888,0.0,0.08879980841173178,0.0,0.0,0.07163862244640344,0.0,0.05298312262246718,0.0,0.0,0.08646214484037218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121853947954901,0.0,0.08441572507950093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845312959020183,0.05378624336471954,0.12073583071396406,0.08446010818683937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991588206817185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31787105107578684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656594407368894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236341763805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297950455108004,0.0,0.08682286509303684,0.09007328875358256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637982495841162,0.0,0.0,0.1815434109059768,0.1843199203136627,0.0,0.10172000202957794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300381624524873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651422525576357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127707934417002,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychicshackles,2019/01/03,"Fleeting feelings of loneliness Hi suicidewatch. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and keeping my thoughts in the vacuum of my brain is slowly driving me insane so I want to post them here. Maybe someone can relate to the feelings I have. I’m not exactly suicidal but I have wanted to die to escape the feelings that I have regarding this topic. Basically, I occasionally feel incredibly alone. It’s sort of a feeling like your heart being crushed and it hurts a lot. I get this feeling whenever I’m on a period of doing absolutely nothing. Usually in school in way too busy managing deadlines and studying my butt off to get the highest possible gpa I can. Right now, I’m on winter break and the thoughts of me being alone, not having friends, not creating wonderful memories and having awesome experiences with them have started to come back. Usually once they surface, it takes a long time for them to go away and it can have a pretty big negative impact on my day. For context, I do have people that I talk to. I have a few close friends that live far away from me  (basically we only communicate via text chat and the more serious discussions can be meaningful but they’re so rare and it’s hard to get that same feeling over instant messenger), some friends from highschool (we do get together every few months to celebrate getting through another semester of university), and friends in university (although it’s more like me joining in on an already existing group of upper class men. we just started becoming friends and we’re sort of at the phase where they want to hang out with me sometimes but they also do their own thing together at other times too). I suppose the issue is that I’m not satisfied with what I have. I feel like I have to hold part of myself back whenever I’m talking to any of these people, I feel like I can’t rely on them for anything important, I feel like none of these relationships will get to the point of us being totally comfortable with each other tackling the ups and downs of life together. Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe I’m rushing it, but I currently have no one to do any of that with. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and school is the only thing that distracts me from the lingering fact that I’m an outcast - someone that has no significant bonds with anyone. Even in my family, my mom isn’t very good at helping me and usually does more damage than repairing and I feel like I shouldn’t open up to my dad because I have to show that I’m independent and that I can be successful without his help or advice. Sorry if this post was so disorganized and ranty I just can’t format my thoughts in a coherent manner without losing the meaning in my words. 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suicidewatch,thisisausername521,2019/01/03,"Want it to end I feel like I’ve had suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember. Lately they’ve been overwhelming. More so than usual. I’ve had fewer happy moments. I finally had the courage to talk to a doctor who helped me get an appointment with a mental health clinic. I was supposed to go today but a couple weeks ago I unexpectedly lost my health insurance. I’m not entirely sure why and I was really looking forward to trying to get help again. I don’t make much money and can’t afford help on my own. 

The thoughts have been relentless and graphic. I notice myself finding them comforting and it scares me when I come back to reality. I’ve started hurting myself suddenly. Never really did in the past. I don’t really know who to talk to. The last therapist I went to didn’t even seem to take me seriously so asking to see one again was really hard. I had my hopes up thinking I would finally get help. Now I feel lost and I’m drowning in horrible thoughts and self hatred. I want it all to end. I’m so tired. ",1.5218875927889712,3.9688185121951234,3.8304772004241814,83.47509013785792,83.39024390243901,7.467656415694591,23.547189819724284,8.456263369488248,1.896773064687169,805,30,157,20,23,277,118,205,0.172,0.701,0.127,-0.9303,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,9,12,0,2,8,0,17,5,0,1,3,28,45,13,2,4,2,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,10,0,1,4,6,6,0,1,17,5,24,6,21,27,4,29,0,4,2,0,11,5,0,2,23,98,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983502902735106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372307206373868,0.0,0.0,0.0853135363152159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557341580452644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276382705097515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356180652102453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653715613382328,0.0,0.0,0.07328128674766524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219909015391773,0.07926254873236382,0.0,0.2430801330590064,0.10140609366929068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739000504870404,0.0,0.0630553197812235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810810947311018,0.09938921480135332,0.0,0.0,0.23586886689308856,0.0,0.0,0.2974692092564045,0.0,0.0,0.11019817103588947,0.0,0.0,0.11877403979961584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097510037118934,0.09043888322758728,0.12515619036440315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420446076999708,0.0,0.0,0.09818706853651896,0.09316987617015128,0.0,0.2422295938056357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405984317577588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181128783713498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156085818505493,0.0,0.08557131420153212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263170658469888,0.0,0.0,0.07518244587034037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059141242255492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843090937827432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256844782900091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108009035508032,0.0,0.08841261410587843,0.10100451748481007,0.11574482323698113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853082903648509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136105715549528,0.0,0.10456885953621678,0.0,0.08342043061680737,0.17835446931869184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882125209823767,0.0,0.07109214241513642,0.0,0.2642452087681605,0.0,0.12752045674147494,0.10516742337384613,0.0,0.0,0.07532762123146577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219551355591113,0.0,0.13088211586906884,0.0,0.08899722531827946,0.0,0.0,0.10285156246036163,0.10011492402890657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881554411780371,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galaxae152,2019/01/03,"I just don’t want to deal with it anymore Constantly pressured with work and homework and weight and everything else, I’m tired, I want to drop out and quit my job and just sleep until I never wake up. I’m constantly stressed over how I look, my ptsd makes it so I can’t even fucking hear a bag pop and getting triggered off. I’m failing all my classes because I’m so unmotivated to do everything and everyone has such a high expectation for me but I just want to go away, I don’t want to let people down anymore, I hate rejection and I hate people not liking me, it hurts so much. I want to die but I’m terrified of killing myself and feel guilty doing it because of how others would feel. So I just keep suffering through it but I’m tired.",5.140392156862745,5.017411797385623,6.079215686274508,81.75647058823529,68.281045751634,9.41437908496732,32.68627450980392,9.150863307647796,2.6164196078431368,587,24,124,10,9,195,84,153,0.348,0.614,0.037000000000000005,-0.996,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,12,11,4,2,2,0,8,6,2,4,2,36,30,19,2,7,8,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,12,1,1,2,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,0,5,17,1,19,28,2,13,0,4,1,1,2,7,1,0,5,80,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26021890278500165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232613244258017,0.0,0.0,0.15994960444963294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354877145110985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352555196987376,0.0,0.0,0.13615892732600196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959596842086047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665257035637754,0.0,0.0,0.12536173611587104,0.23581788000611195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267151799560425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128697786265855,0.06854358517517878,0.0,0.07456072042649327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259054337894612,0.0,0.0,0.1478654641347913,0.0,0.0,0.13861393707332725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044616705062574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301900578643952,0.11661148488563845,0.14514700888262605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134155017905775,0.0,0.06409488778049227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017013494493856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757318622786968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644287533518474,0.0,0.10118509995421436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190715976573826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335906740752406,0.0,0.0,0.13954124283804392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128900533304064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028257974795067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015770011713151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869088636771713,0.0,0.0,0.1597592628027102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551098263755567,0.0,0.0,0.09319663702632457,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,californiaboy93,2019/01/03,"Chatting with a crisis hotline lady It's pretty bland so far. There's only so much sympathy that can be dished out, and it just seems like the crisis lady is reading off of cards. It must be a routine for those people, like, ""I understand"" and ""I get it"" and ""how can I help you?""

I mean, I appreciate it that they take the time to talk. Idk. Im not sure what I'm trying to get out of it. So I told her to send me a dank meme, because those usually cheer me up.",0.6739393939393956,2.237402858585864,3.122222222222224,92.27000000000002,81.02020202020202,6.016161616161617,20.090909090909093,6.937597516519254,0.2166242424242424,349,9,82,4,9,121,66,99,0.107,0.711,0.182,0.7973,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,1,2,14,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,6,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,11,4,11,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,55,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338364473770333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629194352492132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686538537855809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717899930213507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458551249477266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740851362235741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849677562979248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136638739067832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744398385026245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559853757943916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25168551278015644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906305047367925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371464420244544,0.0,0.18918498681791648,0.2022405523292452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672014194926827,0.0,0.0,0.2404312291019561,0.0,0.17083171261919405,0.0,0.0,0.2619426095802413,0.0,0.0,0.2771210415764253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monagoxd,2019/01/03,"My girlfriend (now exgirlfriend) wants to commit suicide, what should I do? I was in a relationship for a couple of months (I'm 23yo man), we were good and had our problems, but at certain point she (25yo) told me she had cronical depresion (diagnosed), she had been taken pills for a couple years, and I told her I was okay with that, because she was nervous about telling me her condition. Months passed and the relationship didn't go well, we split and then go back again a couple times, always telling me she won't have anyone in her life, that she was alone and that I was the love of her life. I felt guilty a couple of times, and at some point I started to feel like ""whatever happens, happens"", so everytime she told me that she was suicidal because I was leaving her I didn't pay attention, but she had other ways to make me feel bad, in the end whe ended up getting back again and again for like 5 months. Recently we were discussing and we (for real I hope) split up, but she now started to tell me that she was going to suicided that she didn't have anyone, that she was alone in the world and that she was just beeing coward for not doing it. I don't know what to do, I like her, and I care about her, but I don't want to be with her in that way, every time I tell her I care about her she doesn't listen and always says it would be better for her to be death, that she just needs to be brave and do it. I need help, pleas. Thanks for reading, sorry for bad grammar.",7.2211295681063135,5.170384119601334,7.143172757475082,82.14339700996679,64.9468438538206,10.327574750830564,31.799003322259136,8.634040054169528,2.16448438538206,1144,31,251,13,14,366,132,301,0.13699999999999998,0.715,0.14800000000000002,0.6046,0,2,0,0,0,3,43.0,5,0,0,1,14,18,0,1,9,1,36,5,0,1,2,43,64,18,4,8,7,0,3,3,1,3,4,2,0,1,16,18,0,0,5,1,1,4,8,4,1,0,25,5,56,14,34,32,1,38,0,0,0,1,48,12,0,2,23,181,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327156758664706,0.0,0.0,0.14724037759244013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373074958923568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606714140750642,0.14774967436943426,0.107869863305282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825096845515253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041697729511788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915937314649205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980258173140898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567292259266045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454592851405976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947354737095714,0.06320819000420674,0.08495206858576095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622572958990182,0.0,0.1508510398889136,0.07421054878960985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564803416554914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059304459040826527,0.0,0.0,0.0878779075912873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862480189479484,0.0,0.0,0.09368466958737386,0.0,0.0,0.1249882458043435,0.12967659671130166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985420399730397,0.0,0.05905927470163234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186517403063515,0.0,0.0,0.13120957130905908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727926521423706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846608125216609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850122810010949,0.10070652034789628,0.0,0.0,0.08736064484996071,0.18998298454524676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036068816292741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904307669265336,0.12524935527083933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903393676765699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30933218715315003,0.0814579966288439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477544900498222,0.0,0.0,0.2536315119701981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437238999137577,0.1404583009345493,0.0,0.0,0.07955170481110391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285172464873003,0.0,0.0,0.05697647062760201
suicidewatch,11infootlong,2019/01/03,"I should be fine I have such a fine life, good parents, im okay at school, i have friends, i never worry about money, i have everything i need, im the best at my sports, i should be okay. Why am i never okay. I have everything people want. I wasnt abused, i wasnt touched, i wasnt hurt, i havent been dumped. People like me. I dont get it. I should be good. I should be fine. Why have i spent every day for the last 5 years wanting to kill myself. I have no reasons. Everyone else has a reason. Im so fucked. I dont deserve to be this way.",-2.1611666666666665,-0.3454001166666636,0.6783333333333346,102.07333333333334,100.16666666666666,3.6666666666666674,14.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.1378333333333337,406,9,104,3,18,139,63,120,0.123,0.5820000000000001,0.294,0.9265,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,3,15,3,0,4,3,24,2,0,2,2,11,30,1,1,7,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,9,4,0,0,5,1,22,11,6,16,1,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,6,64,24,1,0.0,0.1661702658525997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718102054023868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044798710221524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32873787648163416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715872789368002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816450485100308,0.13401242528811025,0.2520906857632349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083548130841414,0.12965648500764845,0.07327349135287654,0.0,0.0,0.2352657731211052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013776972167026,0.0,0.4544738585317174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516299699053865,0.0,0.0,0.11432037040094375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906090427782498,0.0685178079545245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399168897952052,0.2163349211333615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572816891375368,0.0,0.0,0.1944598121626688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883954232902464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193788211322253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544313055434834,0.11132187842434538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25310297494155104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242806842200012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903147438642274
suicidewatch,daydreamersanonymous,2019/01/04,"End of the line I’m going to kill myself sometime in the near future. Below are the reasons why. I don’t really need someone to talk me out of it or tell me that everything will get better or anything, but I appreciate any feedback/comments all the same. If at least one person can empathise with me, I’d be very grateful. I don’t have anyone to talk to and carrying around all these thoughts is a burden. 
– Depressed and suicidal since I was 14. I’m 22 now and it’s just gotten worse. Tried getting help but it doesn’t work, I still just really want to die. 
– No future. It’s impossible to find a part time job, and with my choice in degree finding a grad job will be miraculous. Not a chance in grad school because my grades are terrible. 
– Financial situation means no chance of living independently until I’m like 40. This means I’ll never be able to afford my own house, so I’ll never be able to achieve my humble dream of owning a cat or dog. 
– Chronic illness is making it harder and harder to function. No treatment available.
– Been overweight my whole life. Weight seems impossible to lose now and even if I do, I still spent my years in school being an overweight loser and it crushed my self esteem to a pulp. Even if I do, my body will always be ugly from stretch marks and loose skin. I’ll never feel comfortable in my body. 
– All my friends abandon me as soon as it’s convenient. My friends from high school cut me off as soon as we graduated and it still hurts. I miss them so much. Finding it impossible to make friends in college even though its been years. Everyone seems to have friends already. I’m a very social person and I need company but nobody really cares about me that much. I’m always a last resort. 
– Never had a boyfriend, been on a date or even kissed or held hands. Never had anyone say they like me or ask for my number. Makes me feel disgusting and unlovable. I’m so scared that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone. Every time I see a couple my age or younger, the whole in my chest gets bigger. 
– My parents hate my guts. I’ve had a terrible relationship with them since I was old enough to talk. I’ll probably never be able to move away and it kills me that I’ll be dependent on them for a long, long time. No money for me to live separately and even if they had it they wouldn’t give me any. I know my mental health would improve 10000% if I could move away but it’ll never be possible. As I get older they get more and more condescending about the fact that I’m an adult but still living with them. No job so I can’t even help pay for groceries or bills.

I think I’m finally going to find peace when I die. Hope there is a Good Place-style afterlife where I can chill and recover since almost every second for my life for the last few years has been mental and emotional torture for me. Thanks for reading. ",2.8295042205363816,4.6548496125654495,3.962584321686791,87.48089753178759,75.56195462478185,6.911407913950923,23.56124229796631,7.745696148679241,1.069204110125726,2240,68,461,32,49,728,266,573,0.207,0.68,0.114,-0.9967,5,1,0,0,0,2,54.0,1,0,8,5,27,30,6,1,24,0,42,16,6,6,11,85,85,46,5,12,21,1,5,2,4,6,8,1,0,4,20,23,3,2,14,2,5,5,18,17,0,2,14,7,60,13,62,55,17,61,0,6,1,1,29,21,0,18,37,297,80,15,0.1807233931812932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032279094366892,0.062391644004052865,0.06647758611580476,0.0,0.10025089371734244,0.0,0.0,0.08193206975499814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424399902703353,0.0,0.04957331798571592,0.05362737850524063,0.05631732558656826,0.0,0.11319705129609316,0.0,0.0,0.03672243435647545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053278384979361736,0.0,0.13382863243453172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141984797703241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809764128630648,0.06665566571374187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051885597910155234,0.0,0.12504156638541014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776316420841469,0.05335576160454,0.06224519185480885,0.0,0.23873219350665895,0.0,0.10151150219418234,0.05756298230519865,0.05414084422656115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091945181523339,0.0,0.0,0.0659912145134788,0.22023720971650645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616859369080946,0.0,0.15736752309041194,0.05778878214450525,0.10270926911715914,0.050527402612385135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059475645162290536,0.0,0.06403350531495143,0.0,0.0,0.08075672064252629,0.06364806243294913,0.0,0.059833035734410615,0.0,0.06951017711465825,0.06448937673689915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934008165539908,0.0,0.1332957721045049,0.0,0.03310695018913204,0.09820912418181753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765027722964414,0.05886154747812355,0.0,0.1595820671851328,0.10662301062127867,0.0,0.06739441657206749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063426828866,0.0,0.0,0.13124050403506585,0.0,0.0,0.12141778248735105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280535774256461,0.08856832552558885,0.0893360707374192,0.3252317181521357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321293339893867,0.0,0.04082094945927392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668906469853934,0.06523527448308,0.0,0.0,0.10520046406644752,0.06293916028699283,0.0,0.0,0.06791282387436927,0.0,0.0,0.06495012812927695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060257433166035934,0.0,0.115776033358897,0.06193791587633321,0.0,0.06467643014495683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790616532120925,0.060311881341773975,0.18290172226095108,0.048004382009632696,0.10968252643752713,0.06284463779853361,0.0,0.0,0.14949625838358058,0.06771355531637345,0.0,0.06140824677158905,0.05104211485764401,0.0,0.059580018980499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243458032600624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589401984889293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452586177586599,0.05265340378214931,0.055461939829235765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860008435326327,0.059186605405945,0.04782472906234511,0.1053812639030416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089977365833565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941048417295066,0.03553177989332887,0.0,0.0,0.07335746857640821,0.0,0.0,0.05435825087349663,0.13451414298831166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385626088040198,0.0,0.061390859094387164,0.04279357110284278,0.0,0.0,0.1163799399595594
suicidewatch,SpaceWizardFour20,2019/01/04,I'm going to do it I don't have a walkable path in life. I'm always going to be a slave. My degree is down the shitter and my life is ruined. I am taking 30mg of oxycontin per minute starting at 11:50,-0.8569565217391286,0.9235515652173945,2.8762608695652183,90.82743478260872,87.69565217391305,5.419130434782609,17.895652173913042,6.742157984588678,0.07323999999999975,156,4,36,2,5,58,35,46,0.077,0.923,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,1,13,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,12,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37040898509954345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505989652205584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6288596923584119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31508671282180795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347051035589831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outdoorcobbler,2019/01/04,"Literally going crazy... So... I had a crazy suicidal spell not very long ago. I'm over the crisis mode of it, and it's turned into passive thoughts. But my husband is terrified of me being up alone at night, and I have terrible insomnia. I literally can't sleep, period. And our bed is a futon, so it's extremely uncomfortable. Being pregnant, I'm uncomfortable anyway. So I lay here for hours every night, back and thighs aching, throbbing, getting emotional because I can't get comfortable, and keeping him awake at times with my movements. Plus, I start thinking about things, and anxiety kicks into high gear. Laying here like this night after night is taking a major toll on me, but if I'm out of bed, it takes a toll on him.

What should I do? How can I convince him I'm safe? I don't want to tell him how bad it is, but I just laid down, and I'm already about to cry just thinking about having to lay here all night like this. I can't do it another night. ",3.8615332834704574,5.088130445026182,5.113960359012719,82.69744764397906,71.77486910994764,8.389080029917727,27.25542258788332,8.841846274778883,2.0047768137621538,749,26,151,14,14,249,110,191,0.172,0.755,0.073,-0.9437,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,0,15,7,0,0,5,0,17,4,2,2,1,29,34,17,1,3,7,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,10,12,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,20,5,23,29,2,27,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,16,100,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607031386779132,0.0,0.0,0.13561423878944598,0.14449542693680398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730189370523954,0.10016865904284633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006846945722274,0.10932934052373552,0.07981974287174286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383132298606827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728975456218854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103225064685182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368213785339619,0.0,0.0744161581799805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834518508130408,0.0,0.0,0.12894941786597605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638539240520328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794123448159228,0.0,0.0,0.11587768405256678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7372693116323825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103445530395286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926799295580495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322698953090224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690100634684216,0.0,0.11444723708715987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699064604615939,0.16780199144732147,0.0,0.10395164818353117,0.07635210406248404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242500224634574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803912410073084,0.07723174088432301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apeezy91,2019/01/04,"Just realized something.. We Are in hell. Death is heaven.  As someone who has been dead before.. It was the most beautiful nothingness. Peace. Beauty. No more suffering. The best part is you're not even aware of the nothingness. So beautiful.  I miss it and I can't wait to go back for good. I'm not afraid anymore. I used to be when i was younger because religion was forced in to my brain but now.. after realizing that all that shit is a myth.. I'm not afraid. I welcome it. There is no god. No heaven, no hell, no spirits or ghosts.. this is fact. Life is meaningless other than to pass on your genes. That is it. Cannot wait to get to heaven (death)! ",-0.2556080586080576,1.989294223076925,1.5289010989010985,95.1270512820513,99.07692307692308,5.245421245421245,18.4981684981685,6.868970318607317,0.3793553113553112,499,16,108,9,21,162,87,130,0.269,0.562,0.16899999999999998,-0.9489,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,0,1,7,13,3,2,4,0,16,3,2,1,2,16,24,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,12,7,0,0,4,0,8,6,14,19,5,9,6,2,0,0,4,3,3,2,4,77,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29199565613436346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263986601672029,0.0,0.17948192540912675,0.0,0.25053842596509096,0.0,0.3089863442742877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286814922973519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446837924641272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382763444794248,0.0,0.16733147553675404,0.2469540940221978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079647672027254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31883922931572883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302228383186236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494697645225231,0.2266667629893173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25429317096579285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,humanirraffe,2019/01/04,"FM(NIRL) Ate an anchovy yesterday and now I don’t enjoy food. I don’t know that they’re linked, but today I would like to die. Can anyone relate? The dying part was not dramatic..also not linked to anything other than dying furshure ",2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,3.6533333333333333,84.90000000000002,81.22222222222223,5.377777777777778,22.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.8938000000000001,185,6,32,2,5,60,37,45,0.117,0.7659999999999999,0.117,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,7,2,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994372477721489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743794220217814,0.0,0.20522687996511466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7764829421733294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015636121070485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705832832157375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121839451439729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700652768428371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363927431649983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771596382257947,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meatypie65,2019/01/04,"I feel like I'm giving up I dont wanna go to school, I dont wanna go outside, I just wanna stay in my room. Stay in my room alone. Away from everyone I don't want to talk to anyone anymore. Not because of hate, but because of the pain. I'm sick and tried of going through it. It happens to fucking much. Everyone leaves, they forget me and I have Start from square one It's so hard to find people, God for bib ones I can open up to. I don't want anymore of it. I just want to be away from everyone and be in a dream forever. I don't want to wake up anymore In a dream I dont feel nothing, and that's what I want. I just want to fucking die I just wanna sleep. And if dont die soon, from something. 
Then I'll  be the that does it. Fuck the letters I was writing for them, they dont like me anymore. They dont give a shit if Im ten feet in the ground. they only care if its their fault or not. Not that its me thats dead

I have been searching ways to kill myself with out it being so painful. I can't put a bullet to the head I don't have a gun. I cant jump I'm in no city or bridge. And cant drive to one if I'm only 15. But when I find it, I'll be gone. ",-1.5328109452736314,0.15028099253731494,1.3231044776119418,101.48781592039805,89.82089552238806,4.170348258706468,16.769154228855722,5.2151,-0.9435854726368156,878,21,235,4,30,305,119,268,0.224,0.679,0.096,-0.9899,0,1,1,1,0,3,30.0,0,0,6,0,8,12,6,0,10,0,24,11,5,0,0,40,49,18,4,14,15,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,14,9,0,0,4,2,0,7,17,9,0,4,3,4,32,3,40,41,1,30,0,0,1,3,11,16,4,6,6,152,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449832003006838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32364490209574626,0.057046712777248224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533051551944363,0.0,0.0,0.09946793549261422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318219616435027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934643191657348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139631398083257,0.0,0.5737079458022967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338762847983561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250449908333145,0.05828493680528729,0.0,0.0,0.14913595022392576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262743693236699,0.0,0.15652913417306685,0.1391013304818891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214608442397323,0.0,0.0730848830433672,0.08054912126680874,0.08373060419475699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812670196883267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902626384489073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638761917025144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971743581477776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997497609056705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828380903732776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585401970415686,0.12409940778876052,0.17362616127755934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656134535462633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201629830522003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256922065104637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374668717833174,0.0,0.0,0.08164475528583492,0.0,0.0,0.06280876168435236,0.0,0.0,0.057746873912842576,0.17391928947780347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557560373362023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055391426510814704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28872863569385243,0.06475903829237463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,losttimetoday,2019/01/04,"Is it really suicide? I am on multiple heart medications, I am tired just tired. Is it suicide if I simply stop taking my medication and just wait for the heart failure to  kick in.",3.5124761904761925,5.518538914285713,5.8171428571428585,74.13619047619048,74.14285714285714,9.23809523809524,28.809523809523807,9.725611199111238,3.081380952380953,142,6,26,4,3,50,26,35,0.445,0.555,0.0,-0.9678,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,6,6,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120712663944267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353213774448548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841545683440956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806382988439776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726755924570255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624524472224168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49666514822327296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonaccount131,2019/01/04,"It's been a crazy night but whoever called the police on me... thank you So I posted here earlier threatening suicide when I was in a really bad headspace after a rough week; deep down I knew I couldn't go through with it, knowing it'd hurt my loved ones and all and that maybe things would get better, but I was really struggling at that time and crying for help. I'd been in bed all day though restlessly unable to sleep, hadn't eaten or drank anything and was just very out of it, spiralling negatively until I kind of snapped.

Someone must've done some detective work lol digging up details on this account and called the police; I think they tried to call me but I didn't pick up, and shortly afterwards arrived at the door; it completely took me by surprise and felt surreal... the police talked to me a bit; I was totally spaced out and struggled to speak but I had a cup of tea lol and tried to be honest, they were really kind and supportive.

They didn't want me to spend the night alone and suggested I see a good friend; messaged the group chat and turns out my best friend got back to uni earlier that day (yesterday now) so they took me to his place.

With my mate I had a snack and chatted a bit, we listened to music and watched a couple of movies, had a bit of a laugh even... and I gradually started to feel a bit better, right now I actually feel okay, positive about life even. I realise how a lot of the things I was worrying and catastrophising about just aren't really a big deal in the long run, e.g. in terms of school, how little it matters if I do badly, even completely fail this semester, and how health and wellbeing and loved ones are much more important.

I know it's not that big a deal, but still I'm concerned that there'll be a permanent record of this incident; I don't really want a record of this following me around like a black mark (especially when I realised deep down I wasn't gonna go through with it and was just crying for help). I appreciate any records are for safety reasons, but I'm quite paranoid about these things lol. I'm also worried they contact my family or uni - they asked for my family home address though I'm hoping that's just a precaution.

When I go home in the morning I'm gonna have to explain to my housemate, who got the door (she'd only returned from holidays that day xP) and probably overheard the whole conversation with the police, why they came; there's no point lying to her and glossing it over, but hopefully it'll be okay and not too much of a shocker (I never revealed my depression to my housemates, was always the funny and chill guy).

Anyway, thank you to those who responded to my post, and whoever called the police... even though I was shellshocked and confused and felt so nervous and sick, things worked out okay and I feel better now than I did wallowing in despair alone. Whoever's reading this, hope you're doing alright (:",7.402849364791289,6.419592807017548,7.332710223835452,77.49868421052633,63.912280701754376,11.019963702359348,34.56745311554749,10.245366335075165,3.2685728977616453,2300,85,454,45,29,737,272,570,0.139,0.662,0.2,0.9928,0,2,0,0,0,2,67.0,1,2,7,8,34,36,0,5,34,7,35,10,1,5,4,87,79,53,1,8,16,0,6,1,3,4,3,2,6,1,30,40,4,0,12,4,2,8,12,11,0,2,30,11,56,25,64,39,15,64,0,4,3,2,42,30,0,9,25,302,86,5,0.0,0.0,0.06645153303314426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105311694039674,0.0,0.05445606797189713,0.056661037149353825,0.0,0.0,0.04630737817859788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603691913061661,0.060619567029002,0.0636602419966414,0.0,0.0,0.0523613527767328,0.11371404943586988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714621851727846,0.18067521028299613,0.2973712596557748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781330952826713,0.07788328452703318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427939902301067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534654328109777,0.14959975148586493,0.13174818558287574,0.1404072534324801,0.058650684930406115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968549387882245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990614259149185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283890399169898,0.0,0.10329362246346004,0.0,0.13076500869553315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522106299520324,0.0,0.035577167409870734,0.0,0.11610098418551247,0.057115401774926036,0.10892462646067327,0.0,0.0,0.06742540105428907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723824933408282,0.0,0.0,0.09128615972816226,0.0,0.13661098144377362,0.202903040649078,0.0,0.0,0.07289780341172168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182228457348364,0.07484717851422837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048097972543613525,0.033268095721220116,0.06824973225979693,0.0,0.06026250880936654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789248785578046,0.1229179683781422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841123469686937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001162782051752,0.0,0.05251956446770728,0.0,0.0,0.1278063121770336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228675168942438,0.05178981153954623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114546248785246,0.0,0.0643724012095113,0.0,0.13043362168744904,0.0,0.07341862972642252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242810752228156,0.06811407923747685,0.0,0.21811909047744396,0.07001367114626257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058153314387037185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891643485944489,0.05426341794116176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814482945225976,0.0,0.057697224610981125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481984526797221,0.0,0.054381275320171736,0.0,0.0,0.14237672037977092,0.0,0.07448559046476608,0.07727413845102474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473270532824797,0.0,0.12538665408409924,0.0,0.0,0.1809589004664974,0.043632943955093935,0.2007108958313611,0.0,0.03970712205114351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131354895438598,0.09246495502330776,0.07406851476813185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618604411288559,0.08032915920709817,0.0,0.05462222423676135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614457339562705,0.07602636316104716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914889074136356,0.1383088792565115,0.0,0.048373197127762536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noissimsarm,2019/01/04,"About suicide I really want to drink this refill of trazodone I got today all at once. Do you guys know what are the chances I will die if I do? Its 60 tablets of 50 mg. I am not sure if I want to die, it will definitely kill me if I take it with alcohol but family is here and they would notice me getting some booze.",1.0439130434782626,2.5041208550724683,3.260217391304348,92.17119565217394,79.57971014492753,6.918840579710146,21.644927536231886,7.793537801064563,0.689249275362319,245,7,59,4,6,84,53,69,0.16899999999999998,0.748,0.083,-0.7985,0,0,2,0,0,3,5.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,2,14,14,5,4,6,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,11,1,7,10,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,1,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515278573722804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761502155763539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471912145089612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625256778230045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984907452816328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834676089335833,0.0,0.0,0.2271364615105582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537908491459129,0.0,0.1260691298527284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611669760268909,0.0,0.24429748503099566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695588791250178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509201752922362,0.0,0.2162014502833346,0.0,0.17247599488610202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743901154542147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27060544977296674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295515719225753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuperstitiousCats,2019/01/04,"bad wife/mom I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I hope to get out of posting this here, but I have zero other ideas. Basically how I feel is that I am so depressed and think about suicide all the time even though I have a husband and children who love me, and if I want to die, that must mean I don't love them enough, not as much as they deserve to be loved, so I guess I really should die. If I kms, I'm afraid my kids will have abandonment issues, but if I don't, they have to witness my sadness go on and on and wonder why their love isn't enough instead of just mourning my death and moving on. (I understand that my husband is/will be sad too, but really, he's a resilient guy and an adult, so it just doesn't seem like it would be as bad for him as for my kids.) Kay, thanks for reading.",3.811578947368421,3.306312409356728,4.949175438596491,90.03639473684211,71.10526315789474,8.009590643274855,26.456725146198824,7.1686216300943375,0.9524240935672514,606,16,147,5,10,201,101,171,0.274,0.594,0.131,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,4,0,12,16,0,1,4,0,17,4,0,1,3,35,36,22,5,8,10,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,5,9,8,0,1,7,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,0,1,23,8,18,29,4,8,0,5,0,4,18,4,0,7,2,102,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346235262570072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210125800991824,0.0,0.29163396351610843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29034844228497386,0.0,0.09279902918661914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104110137802168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340553355851821,0.0,0.07984947754667795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547767640250527,0.13911724569769926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395483587165228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860757650070909,0.0,0.14664566173248852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864128019968445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072275118914186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304586095645673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455208681042413,0.0,0.14932943263023385,0.10328378219207186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456031341158278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053817921116907,0.0,0.18001599769129747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790606691075745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727842382156118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368436861475526,0.0,0.13241973604430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935366857799688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002682801734131,0.13804069175203215,0.0,0.0819267719281304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626561935006882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828706333471086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677953907885847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236642787787766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980728100657107,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fragmentedsmut,2019/01/04,"Right now I am overwhelmed with the desire to commit suicide. I'm trying to stay afloat. I'm laying in bed while one of my children watches cartoons beside me.

My other child is in the living room with her father.

The only thing keeping me afloat is my sweet girl beside me comforting what she believes is just me with a ""tummy ache"".  I feel awful.  I feel so guilty.  I am so sorry to there beautiful girls for being their mother and being this way.

I've been searching ways to kill myself for about an hour now.  I've also scoured crisis websites.  I don't want to call anyone.  Text isn't available and the chat service is currently ""full'.  I sent a message to my sister to just chat - no response she must be busy and that's okay.

I have struggled with my mental health for many years.  Having children made it worse.  Getting back on medication that worked has helped but today is the first time in a long time that I have felt this strongly about killing myself.  I feel like I'm drowning. It's hard to breathe.

If I just sleep and not wake up , no more pain. For me.  But I leave an endless amount of pain and suffering for those who are alive .  It's turmoil. I feel like I'm split in two.  

I fucked up everything.  I deserve nothing.  And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone.",1.5741417278373788,4.002548581027668,2.7189088085827207,91.66295948616605,82.95256916996047,4.721005081874647,21.683935629587804,5.985473137389443,0.26541569734613235,993,32,197,7,28,317,149,253,0.214,0.6940000000000001,0.092,-0.9867,1,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,1,3,12,15,3,3,10,2,19,8,3,1,2,28,36,13,4,4,7,3,6,2,0,1,4,0,2,5,13,10,0,1,5,2,0,1,5,9,0,3,4,8,30,6,29,28,3,26,0,2,1,1,19,10,1,1,14,129,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061274370278547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797149123799461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674255896652867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174835492587226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284693096340487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021987208536095,0.11307276146675273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25445966874708803,0.17976190240775286,0.12080036986847695,0.0,0.0,0.10701661505512504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631224499628495,0.06573218668905143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270388485633573,0.0,0.0,0.133733512578022,0.0,0.0,0.0843299133999259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390062575647695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182852304851433,0.2783872556664905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321797721424425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293191605410154,0.0,0.11109533092173547,0.11134069314098552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904746006828527,0.0,0.12755480355676282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674352891615365,0.12679008014321771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072112634596438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852542576125992,0.09568658239395827,0.2677481590421665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744375666105672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590402714879276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225126178760237,0.0,0.1341000953916215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152723847235567,0.0,0.13761918372163126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835846772978975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467253381631823,0.0,0.11925617078526385,0.0,0.0,0.08541888138205905,0.0,0.12290118218975205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742078652404258,0.1997292707106058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159348355562848,0.0,0.12821436506549974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101955420504474
suicidewatch,Sweet_Nya,2019/01/04,"finally ending me okay 

the other day I ended up sleeping like A LOT and didn't do anything

but now I'm planning this shit better

like, I'm gonna get everything and set a day

finally ending me",1.3862195121951224,3.397926097560976,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,80.70731707317074,7.0268292682926825,24.88414634146341,8.07648339933343,1.7600195121951223,154,6,30,3,4,55,31,41,0.13,0.642,0.228,0.3453,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,3,1,2,2,2,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,4,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,10,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849519931960392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877514551352374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898932810910753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5971914847476507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199287560102466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492410318841765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174238007158684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960524271986595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107636868911973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307050067128843,0.0,0.0,0.22491461394981427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovelessn,2019/01/04,"Anxiety ruined my relationship Me and my boyfriend are long distance. 6 months of pure happiness and bliss, the best 6 months of my life. We get in an argument and he says something hurtful to me. I say I don’t know if I’ll ever think of him the same. Of course I don’t mean it. I still love him. Next day we are fine. I start getting headaches, so when we talk I feel ill. I think it’s cause I don’t love him anymore and that’s why it hurts to talk to him. (I know stupid). I go to the doctor after a week of thinking I didn’t love him anymore and the headaches were bc of fluid in my ear.
Since then I overthought so much and convinced myself I didn’t love him. I want to so bad now but I’m not sure if I do. I just want things to go back to how they were those 6 months. I’m so miserable I’ve thought about killing myself and almost attempted because I ruined our relationship. He told me stop overthinking. I didn’t listen. I’m so fucking stupid",0.7912561576354662,2.6891678669950783,2.4354950738916266,95.6795480295567,82.15270935960591,5.636354679802957,21.972660098522173,6.742157984588678,0.3151834482758629,739,24,174,8,20,242,107,203,0.188,0.698,0.114,-0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,4,0,1,2,13,19,4,1,6,0,11,9,1,2,3,33,36,18,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,10,0,1,8,0,0,2,7,10,0,0,7,5,38,9,17,29,3,20,0,5,0,5,25,2,1,3,16,105,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105202929069912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247911098683502,0.0,0.23977714083653795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295553252877033,0.10093656352220164,0.0736922998721496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686466498928142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418543978760092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796286192716173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373415352386805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935026107378022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112468562999185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175915531640213,0.1263181475295757,0.0,0.13740705360938482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868769349186102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588265496198289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337448372057989,0.0,0.1328739417167549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538688200837474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698221686097376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43642513426513135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168264506705726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289475326263183,0.0,0.08886670666285708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856592887262866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25957728393688884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227023275774788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999993460513916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306561109806796,0.0,0.0,0.08556526136767745,0.0,0.09654144018270072,0.10106791419675012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393565949723244,0.0,0.0,0.1943306465828484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803127214379315,0.23238075370806865,0.0,0.0959716951538422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551381676911995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260593693068652,0.0,0.09696918953725464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908276082707168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vapelordonisan,2019/01/04,"bad wife/mom I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I hope to get out of posting this here, but I have zero other ideas. Basically how I feel is that I am so depressed and think about suicide all the time even though I have a husband and children who love me, and if I want to die, that must mean I don't love them enough, not as much as they deserve to be loved, so I guess I really should die. If I kms, I'm afraid my kids will have abandonment issues, but if I don't, they have to witness my sadness go on and on and wonder why their love isn't enough instead of just mourning my death and moving on. (I understand that my husband is/will be sad too, but really, he's a resilient guy and an adult, so it just doesn't seem like it would be as bad for him as for my kids.) Kay, thanks for reading.",3.811578947368421,3.306312409356728,4.949175438596491,90.03639473684211,71.10526315789474,8.009590643274855,26.456725146198824,7.1686216300943375,0.9524240935672514,606,16,147,5,10,201,101,171,0.274,0.594,0.131,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,4,0,12,16,0,1,4,0,17,4,0,1,3,35,36,22,5,8,10,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,5,9,8,0,1,7,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,0,1,23,8,18,29,4,8,0,5,0,4,18,4,0,7,2,102,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346235262570072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210125800991824,0.0,0.29163396351610843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29034844228497386,0.0,0.09279902918661914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104110137802168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340553355851821,0.0,0.07984947754667795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547767640250527,0.13911724569769926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395483587165228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860757650070909,0.0,0.14664566173248852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864128019968445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072275118914186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304586095645673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455208681042413,0.0,0.14932943263023385,0.10328378219207186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456031341158278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053817921116907,0.0,0.18001599769129747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790606691075745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727842382156118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368436861475526,0.0,0.13241973604430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935366857799688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002682801734131,0.13804069175203215,0.0,0.0819267719281304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626561935006882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828706333471086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677953907885847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236642787787766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980728100657107,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bakachelera,2019/01/04,"Feeling like its the right thing to do. I mean... Its my life, its my suffering... Its my situation. Nobody's gonna understand the situation better than myself. I see no exit and I don't think any of the stuff Im going trough is gonna change any time. 

I feel like just giving excuses like... ""my mom would be sad"" ""things gonna change"" ""therapy will help me"" is not working anymore. 

And the amount of suffering I will avoid by ending it is far beyond the amount of happiness I'm able to obtain if things change.

I'm very sorry if this makes someone feel worse, I swear its not my purpose to make any harm... I just want to know... Why should I not do so? 

​",0.2183416252072945,2.603322641791049,2.1073631840796025,93.21321724709786,91.23880597014929,5.365837479270317,17.892205638474298,6.937597516519254,0.195681260364843,510,14,110,8,18,168,81,134,0.119,0.742,0.14,0.4417,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,0,1,5,0,11,1,0,2,0,22,29,5,0,5,7,1,3,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,4,15,5,10,21,2,7,0,3,1,0,4,4,0,2,5,63,26,1,0.13100682085231113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194583565940752,0.15918762674666787,0.2672673917846413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992356370261093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586488688749667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157635367316277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603315839061165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872295481238364,0.18718259798658324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567368003239915,0.0744541953437397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945919685922034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781111051203988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150984740382386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199792261607935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253399189996428,0.1920099457749414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748961404071069,0.0,0.0,0.14270483387373056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343360522855476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187910919876576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043954747090178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29451431121724103,0.0,0.0,0.1110016541749608,0.0,0.0,0.1466514102577642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997146676861672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981771700226712,0.0,0.2611053316458872,0.08394388097858324,0.0,0.0,0.07639113076792832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638272071094054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809434734735264,0.0772712172083805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821327901173374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537452586418836,0.0,0.1335071426743279,0.09306348676416512,0.0,0.15918762674666787,0.0
suicidewatch,Blussuvi,2019/01/04,Waiting to die I'm still waiting for a rope to arrive in the mail.  There's no hope for me. Only hope that I'm successful in tying the noose.  I'm so ready to go. I don't care about the implications. My life is already over I just haven't quit breathing yet. ,-0.5244642857142843,1.6052511964285756,1.8585714285714303,95.98642857142859,90.60714285714286,4.628571428571429,18.714285714285715,6.18269132825596,-0.20115000000000016,201,6,47,2,7,68,41,56,0.142,0.65,0.209,0.6265,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,12,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,9,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,27,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413727155414136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154004457312195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210539188214525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580934245877392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6145038374937668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185013241485003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352727526826845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290291994083192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470453542624311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScatterF1,2019/01/04,"So damn tired. Don't know how much longer I can keep going. Probably not long, FML. ",-0.8649019607843158,1.1138209411764706,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,104.2941176470588,4.619607843137255,11.549019607843142,6.42735559955562,-0.9116509803921566,64,1,15,1,3,20,17,17,0.322,0.6779999999999999,0.0,-0.7328,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486983656483019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38895930110373694,0.0,0.0,0.2404937102875749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872625427569635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216866110880662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718071948104354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029572332416207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sasslockholmes,2019/01/04,"This is it, I have no other options I went to the ER and got passed from one section to another to another ER to seeing a doctor for 5 mins and then discharged. I took my regular psychiatrists advice and went to the ketamine clinic. It made things sooo much worse. That was my last hope. They called the cops when I started crying because I was upset that I felt 100x worse. They asked if I was going to hurt myself. I lied and said no. They would’ve just taken me back to the same ER that discharged me yesterday. IM OUT. Bye. ",2.1767924528301883,4.261703660377363,3.4609811320754718,89.12883018867926,78.43396226415095,6.1267924528301885,21.92075471698113,7.1686216300943375,0.6870369811320761,412,12,84,5,10,134,71,106,0.201,0.773,0.026,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,18,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,2,3,1,11,3,16,1,10,7,3,14,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,3,8,60,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828244285634354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826174789021161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705607774316476,0.0,0.0,0.1402883928314862,0.0,0.11121634217866563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629601252295627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040647912048912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673945556554444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751751237856037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036872910636289,0.0,0.1459173605683466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812083401451608,0.0,0.0,0.19531037949272376,0.0,0.197071134385226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487164420262089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726331928993995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411754109526233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362896857680873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354629346532888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538447325775564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291350032959283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120787550717405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270231259066945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382553583164017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371852624224497,0.12960318481668365,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,broken-teenager,2019/01/04,"Don’t think I can do this anymore I am a teenage girl trying to get through school which I can’t do I have no concentration at all and never do work or homework and never study,I just go to town with my friends and do shit that is dumb and gets me in trouble I’m that girl that everyone think could have turned out so much better,everyone judges me and because of all my problems I’m on anti depressants and more meds,my dad is dead and he was my rock and I cut at least 3 times a week and everyone always says they are there for me but I feel like I have no one,I just got my first real heart break and when I say just it happened months ago but I still love and miss him,my mom is a drug addict and she when to rehab but she is back on drugs again and it’s breaks my,our house is a mess and sm shit is broken because the guards raided our house sm .its insane I never thought my life would be such a mess and every night would be up this whatever hour in the morning listening to music and breaking down and carving shit into my body....I have it bad enough but people still have the nerve to tell me just be happy..it’s not that easy hunny if it was I would t be like this ",1.4138074866310184,2.929322717647061,2.7665329768270968,95.87258021390377,78.68627450980392,5.734402852049911,19.826203208556148,6.351523495107088,-0.1460588235294118,923,21,219,7,22,299,144,255,0.199,0.747,0.054000000000000006,-0.9872,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,1,2,13,16,5,0,8,0,30,10,4,0,5,47,45,26,1,6,11,2,1,2,1,3,5,3,1,2,13,20,0,1,4,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,4,4,25,4,19,33,6,31,0,2,0,1,15,11,4,2,18,144,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414535312045133,0.0,0.0,0.10094721529420828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475678187778107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129377625725885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756622775562801,0.09508454063796484,0.13883964813914565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071707327665427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092343290329956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808415868357137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641278948768265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766786008225748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959483044472456,0.3264499351341767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057580845354314014,0.08135546473123795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968657578180837,0.0,0.0,0.08798294045433336,0.0,0.11899457057943633,0.0,0.06472028627163819,0.0,0.09107975771292873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070317561567678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494763501399054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121482678353613,0.2628030712508328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043638666664729,0.11127144324716078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278060290148117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333741746618251,0.09089744906200596,0.0,0.0837144607086602,0.0,0.2634924366879166,0.0,0.0,0.10686810068125342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771676273502828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789496358642743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896720419878396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961968637013171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811229362499924,0.0,0.11525203057186187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506866968659074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818884687961572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953561334575436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593864006195426,0.0,0.09040752161076583,0.06640399280509016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773166360455717,0.12386808380148258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134718402769423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290555808781626,0.0,0.0,0.2426899710757541,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GatherYourParty24,2019/01/04,"I don’t know if I should wait I gave myself until June to fix my life but I honestly can’t see it improving at this point, I don’t think I can stick around for that long. I’m going to break the cycle regardless. ",1.0803191489361694,2.448262936170213,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,79.21276595744679,7.253191489361702,18.132978723404253,8.07648339933343,0.3696000000000006,166,3,40,3,4,57,37,47,0.0,0.82,0.18,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,12,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,6,10,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41332479372839853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638719789227053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25516674018593194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279483103340557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41089024953395975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389128915914828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699864107706052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975042291439291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BurnerBurnerAccount,2019/01/04,There are 361 days to go in 2019... feels like an eternity. I'm supposed to live until at least 2020 but just the first four days of this year have been unbearable. I can't imagine doing another 51+ weeks of this.,1.946590909090912,3.82615047727273,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,78.31818181818181,7.127272727272729,22.363636363636363,8.07648339933343,1.0076090909090905,167,5,37,3,4,54,39,44,0.0,0.957,0.043,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,7,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065552268876538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000909604210495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960414355407834,0.2769852022293129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297920011516515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034858556226145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894190102163366,0.0,0.3423613378577841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110033029074942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496771263035459
suicidewatch,Lafarsofon,2019/01/04,"I tried last year Not the first time. But when it came down to it, I couldn't cut deep enough. And it wasn't because of the pain. I just couldn't do it... and in the moment, that is so frustrating. I haven't figured out why I couldn't. 

I know I have things to live for... but I don't want to. The new year feels just as bleak, more of the same struggle. It's just a cyclical pattern, I know I'll keep feeling this way again and I'm just so tired of it. I don't know if I'll try again. But I'm thinking about it. ",-0.8425287356321824,0.8055307241379309,0.9972413793103456,105.13022988505749,86.58620689655174,4.211494252873563,16.563218390804597,4.7782277997778095,-1.2137333333333329,388,8,107,1,12,126,64,116,0.135,0.8340000000000001,0.031,-0.8947,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,2,1,6,0,10,2,0,0,0,27,21,11,0,5,9,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,2,2,10,0,12,16,3,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,10,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492706882312605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531544807206748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22870382730554245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238327390812448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882720526434383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673753993791224,0.0,0.0,0.3649287274909485,0.180421988489475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544765063782968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137719619632116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355218181233081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23139307062700365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470487433779184,0.1418260071637336,0.0,0.0,0.12906538193417666,0.2543982583297184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005512391514661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055231754345736,0.17568972701244998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972530648474615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28507195385656303
suicidewatch,Luttc1,2019/01/04,"In desperate need of some support Just signed up because I need a place to talk and express how I'm feeling, I'm very suicidal and I'm hurting so, so much. to cut a long story short I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder in the summer last year, 2018 was not a good year and 2019 even though has barely just began is really not looking good for me.   


Living with borderline personality disorder is hell for me and is hell for everyone around me, I'm honestly such a burden to my friends and even the mental health service. I feel like I've tried everything, medication, different forms of therapy but nothing ever  seems to work. The past 2 years have been like hell for me, two years ago I lost my dad and last year I lost a lot of friendships because no one can cope with my mental health.   


I haven't told any of my friends how I've been feeling recently in fear of losing the little support I already have. I recently met someone in the mental health team who is amazing and really helps me but I fear I have lost her support and it's unbearable because I felt like in the past two years she's the only professorial in my local mental health team who has truly tried to listen to me. I'm devastated that I think I've become to much for her to handle anymore. I promised myself that I wouldn't go through another loss in my life in 2019 not this early on in the year anyway.   


I feel that very soon I will no longer be apart of this world anymore, just want to stop suffering and being a burden to the remaining people left in my life. ",7.035,6.181598441558442,7.625292207792209,74.6793668831169,64.58441558441558,10.946753246753246,34.185064935064936,10.270032843473604,3.3138597402597405,1232,46,239,25,16,410,150,308,0.211,0.65,0.139,-0.9762,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,8,15,28,4,2,15,0,19,8,0,2,1,39,46,16,1,4,8,1,5,3,2,2,8,1,0,2,8,13,0,1,7,2,0,1,7,15,0,3,11,7,33,13,38,31,5,42,3,7,1,0,18,20,3,3,24,151,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788635619074718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451142841001623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520791792554106,0.08030412730988995,0.0,0.0,0.15189984498420647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817525461089198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005316213283622,0.08458009038147991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773030176545112,0.0,0.08001310892237921,0.1755418869449887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116491818038244,0.06927385841761026,0.0,0.07317849733109154,0.06882801178942105,0.0,0.0,0.1723547070254566,0.1548909998594706,0.05471102933064722,0.07353184952433207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833592867291025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043523978287052685,0.1284686529135403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256172984885404,0.0,0.0,0.05133208208943945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819838634906643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248510039616018,0.0,0.0,0.08320783430059922,0.0,0.10818591042920976,0.11224400011609817,0.0767564517857868,0.0676243389410735,0.0677736922733894,0.06431057175677947,0.08567697391182784,0.25079871812221377,0.06510826937674323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714948312320878,0.3087112764445921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125948780542632,0.11357089490893214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348361355635022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189473549545949,0.05824494896622168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621459566232198,0.053093124815691804,0.133738933783854,0.08001310892237921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812227475449682,0.0,0.15123327538448278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971843836738696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648886683125526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402695622194195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376955401790596,0.2607170088108097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061554648180034366,0.0,0.0,0.0875795249914114,0.0,0.0,0.04907140069374201,0.07524257208862778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317849733109154,0.0,0.10398988577867553,0.0,0.1496212510769411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637826532618324,0.0451707357048815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055753457191850674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452193376869707
suicidewatch,DrakenJosh98,2019/01/04,"Not suicidal yet Had to deal with being a kid with a trach(basically a tube down my throat). All the kids were scared of me. Realized I was gay and lucky for me, my family hates gay people. Had to hide my gayness and lie about not wanting to have a girlfriend to “focus on school”. Single all of my life. I know I will never find love and if I do, my family will disown me for it. If I hide my sexuality and get a wife and kids, I’ll probably just end up with a gunshot to my head dead on the kitchen floor. Just realized my college won’t help me pay for my classes due to failing with grades just under their requirement.                                                                                  Me being good in school was the only worth my family, especially my brother, saw in me. My father only sees me a someone who owes him money all the time. He’s mad not cause I failed but because I can’t do workstudy on campus. Now my older brother, my mother’s model of a good son, will finally look at me as the disappointment I am on top of being a queer. I just wanna be happy but I fear that will never happen. I’m so scared for what I might do next. I don’t want to go to Hell if something happens.......Oh God please no.  I’m so alone......this hurts so bad. I would never choose to be gay(not saying its bad just..).                                                                        I’m sorry this is long....I don’t have the monetary means for a therapist.  I feel terrible. I go to sleep every night so miserable.",1.0349750249750258,2.9716404545454544,3.4530119880119905,88.49896853146855,81.51748251748252,6.463336663336666,20.7037962037962,7.5804360353943165,0.7137726273726273,1054,30,230,17,28,365,157,286,0.214,0.691,0.094,-0.9915,1,1,1,1,0,0,50.0,0,0,1,4,12,19,3,4,16,0,27,10,3,1,6,43,45,15,2,7,13,6,1,0,1,7,1,1,1,3,6,9,1,1,7,0,4,2,11,14,0,0,6,5,39,5,36,27,4,26,1,5,3,5,18,12,2,5,12,156,45,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888911624503395,0.0762534351140826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850143626113714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896184433412491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079222215988034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539334989010878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537699151976809,0.14076053266444966,0.0632490403697767,0.0,0.0,0.1370294993288138,0.1143295922173994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535413254226505,0.0,0.14218255997978882,0.20983837722660334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061628534085864,0.13316016330996794,0.0,0.12350004373964395,0.12837797753431646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384489570821585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391096180658388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874595114163458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835445600307743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107003248089971,0.10504372630916968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128982122812604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625920277549233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327002560775238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894303420287709,0.0,0.13303416682854538,0.11738807884180436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027249520462766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672135108875295,0.0,0.0,0.13731077386972726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486770329222034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947623933164414,0.25047294446002594,0.25319462711890484,0.0996801844134194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251798988037877,0.0,0.10598797878160243,0.09630005508758678,0.0,0.1400275218799232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682767646006036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523862115582606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294072874060091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756212762382145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888600348689872,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drawinglineswithpens,2019/01/04,"Just came to vent. I feel like i’m a burden to everyone i love and that i’m worthless. I want to die but i wouldn’t want to hurt anyone i love. I’m happy, i really am. I love my boyfriend more than anything and my family and everyone in my life is so wonderful but it’s just me. I feel like everyone would be better off w/out me. I feel like i will never do anything right and will never be able to make up for everything wrong i’ve done. I feel like i’m hopeless and worthless and i’m dumb as a box of rocks and can never do anything right or make anyone happy. I feel like driving my car into a pole or a tree or the river but i’m scared to. I’ll never follow thru i don’t think because i love my life too much, i just feel like someone else should be living it because i don’t deserve it.",-0.05611111111111099,1.7527026818181817,2.6381060606060602,93.56396464646464,84.68181818181819,5.502020202020201,19.436868686868685,6.691623216298621,0.1067762626262625,616,17,144,7,18,215,84,176,0.149,0.561,0.29100000000000004,0.986,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,21,1,1,5,0,16,6,0,2,4,37,40,15,1,5,9,0,6,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,8,1,0,4,7,8,0,0,2,6,23,13,15,30,2,14,0,4,0,4,4,6,1,4,10,87,27,0,0.0977827430481178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674393500252716,0.0,0.2414005976968061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921490515104935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648088999573225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111837408427069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148304937977733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006569558147986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168493460916633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803068041096129,0.08788082438397894,0.0,0.09218086770449296,0.0,0.2966513575669176,0.4191360670289475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081830964748802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046784488238052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813368638830226,0.286630254337065,0.0,0.08634395357438725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353010973176416,0.0,0.13054148056012432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188156716698221,0.0,0.3016643182144186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264212906685937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701185657452328,0.0,0.0,0.0978975841286114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285100086767537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265523345111983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153495906265872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604121370312797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946205513742709,0.10691007933095008,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway248292649,2019/01/04,"Where should I do it? I live at home with my mom and brother. Like the title says, give me some location ideas ",-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,91.17391304347824,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.4674811594202897,85,2,20,1,3,27,22,23,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845396860756603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020934314355336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525200846237134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583905516961456,0.0,0.35396511076738296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694802473583528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187785083901114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3723272,2019/01/04,I’m so lonely that I want to die. I’ve never had a desire to kill myself until the past few weeks. I don’t have a plan but the thought crosses my mind. I just sit in my room alone and cry. I have no one to talk to. I know everything I need to do to improve my life but I just can’t force myself to do it. I don’t feel good at anything and I’m crumbling ,-1.4972021419009351,0.11816286746988247,1.512690763052209,100.64311914323963,89.0,4.1708165997322615,16.451137884872825,5.033348758259628,-0.9989480589022759,270,6,72,1,9,95,52,83,0.217,0.6759999999999999,0.107,-0.8071,0,3,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,14,15,6,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,1,13,1,10,13,1,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805579457611099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291748327278071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975574015920697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811386489316045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434563839508629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696895258173167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272077376363808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29969708762484043,0.0,0.14887278711352614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191335982710862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27351934001507044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085978570168325,0.20892528203477345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183560505691564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585929465004372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177292598125299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505456309889204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597765748160235,0.0,0.21728976086709326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Corkykate,2019/01/04,Just hopeless I feel like nothing is good enough for me. I'm a brat. My life is pretty good. People love me. I'm just afraid of suffering and pain. I don't want any of it. The only way out is death. ,-2.1232792207792213,-0.3292917045454509,0.5387012987013016,102.39590909090911,102.4090909090909,3.4233766233766234,13.103896103896105,5.288315135182226,-1.324028571428571,151,3,38,1,7,51,34,44,0.338,0.489,0.173,-0.8143,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,4,4,9,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980726334934557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009583209567404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727415391925774,0.2080823433778124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886045588227658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573162338550516,0.1422991235953828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628812800243609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279480073684332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152289253354324,0.3099303224006511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192897052132908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963248753632579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179776459271326,0.23119545428671376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Apple-Droid,2019/01/04,"Good night It’s been lovely for me to talk with so many of you tonight. I hope that I’ve been able to help some of you and that you’ve found someone to listen to you. 

If you’re feeling low tonight, be kind to yourselves and take some time to think about how you’re feeling and your emotions.

So many of you are incredible and resilient people who are trying so very hard to live in a difficult world. 

I’ll be back tomorrow and I hope to talk to more of you then and hopefully offer you some support ",6.9042307692307725,5.165394038461542,6.704692307692309,84.0403076923077,65.34615384615384,9.858461538461539,33.3,8.238735603445708,2.2013176923076925,396,13,88,4,5,125,62,104,0.057,0.71,0.234,0.9608,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,7,0,0,6,9,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,19,17,12,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,10,7,17,12,4,10,0,1,0,1,14,3,0,7,7,55,14,0,0.17927570369829104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378519501152099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166103681054395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129436484408448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656655573715845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036795458397548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605958171768157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016472521931768,0.0,0.0,0.5341836746855414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668805771321084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830373084874105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180332197849584,0.0,0.0,0.3635148502314463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823810345161905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242872000281688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189972197191426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343994404361465,0.0,0.0,0.13479301804450533,0.28819003957945144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148726320942213,0.0,0.0,0.10453710452349263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171643484488195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792123082164144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lesssaltplease,2019/01/04,"Need help There’s only one thing that’s marking me want to kill myself this one thing stretches out tho huge my parents won’t let me leave outside after 8 and I’m 18 all my friends are 18 they stay out all night and they ask me if yo come but I keep saying no because my dad won’t let me fucking leave this is the same reason I lost my last group of friends and Frye’s so hard to get in this new group and my dads fucking it up sooner or later they will stop asking and I won’t have friends again and if that happens to me a second time I know I can’t take it  so please help me what should I do 
",1.1459090909090897,2.3498679328358243,2.457924016282228,99.13761872455903,78.6268656716418,4.872727272727274,20.39077340569878,3.1291,-0.6286477611940295,469,11,117,0,11,151,85,134,0.114,0.727,0.159,0.8145,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,3,1,5,7,3,0,2,0,12,2,0,1,2,23,26,13,1,5,4,3,1,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,1,2,21,3,9,18,3,16,0,1,0,2,16,6,2,3,8,76,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829877150280231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226288429509567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037650166843326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508029571039391,0.2798453036141905,0.07907526736247668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384023316835614,0.0,0.13558182492792314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289635214172352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345287720404569,0.16744876278245385,0.0,0.0831792000773163,0.12337222763000097,0.0,0.3205202107618096,0.0,0.3095357175089385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521878377527166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222572389691764,0.0,0.1461768788440981,0.0,0.14203376830960318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051203087582245,0.1151101532890917,0.0,0.0,0.16805868487172304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613924373451633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556152489920599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036132858586104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132128612408286,0.0,0.12653719981136766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379800355506915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110332662456445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825467345996545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927143732558504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amightymapleleaf,2019/01/04,"I’ve lost my mind and am aching to die This is going to be unorganized and might not make too much sense. But I need to get it out. 

I have mental health issues, and I have for awhile. I have CPTSD among other things, and I’m exhausted. 

I spent 30+ hours in one week in emergency rooms for my mental health. One visit, I was an urgent referral from a different emergency room. I waited six hours before asking how much longer a doctor would be- and they didn’t know who I was. They wrote my name on a napkin and ran back with it. They said they wouldn’t help me and they didn’t care that I was unsafe (they said this). When I did finally get seen weeks later, the doctor on call told me I was a waste of time, he took me off of every medication I had from my doctor back home (another country), and shooed me out. I am psychotic and have psychologically induced seizures. I’m losing touch with the world around me to such vivid flashbacks of trauma... 

Nobody wants to help me. I haven’t self harmed in so long but I want to. I can’t tell my boyfriend about this because sometimes, if he didn’t ask what’s wrong, he says it weighs on his own mental health. He is an amazing guy and we have a great relationship but I don’t want to burden him. He lost his job, my job is physically and emotionally harming me, and school just restarted and he can’t afford his semester (further issues). 

I’m just... I want to hurt myself so much. I’m ready to end it because I’m so trapped and upset and I don’t want a future. I’m 21 and I’m... I’m so close to being done ",1.5392776057791548,3.4050223343653268,3.1854705882352943,91.40095098039221,79.52631578947368,6.164251805985553,19.435397316821465,7.1686216300943375,0.21469131062951474,1206,28,270,15,30,399,167,323,0.145,0.7659999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9613,4,1,0,0,0,2,45.0,1,0,6,3,14,14,0,1,10,0,31,9,0,3,0,47,64,26,1,9,7,0,1,0,0,3,8,3,3,2,12,23,1,1,2,0,1,4,10,11,0,3,20,6,44,3,31,38,4,33,0,4,2,0,34,16,0,2,13,168,56,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961151326529467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456651614967926,0.17761673818375656,0.0,0.0,0.1460920096342538,0.0,0.11581727187201366,0.0,0.08083453787405658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970014635815914,0.0,0.0968546796549635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859077525185783,0.09925052581746273,0.0,0.29169707262610256,0.0,0.09721381613765764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685763280083264,0.08413819584650835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003816640826124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406339566543786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926290304539012,0.0,0.0539883750155044,0.0,0.0,0.10473334589019412,0.0,0.09406090387330188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029286874879536,0.0,0.0,0.12734753610497584,0.0,0.09528866119219634,0.0,0.18710370704549914,0.0,0.10169510558437582,0.0,0.0,0.1983021360504763,0.18853760068486933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220727762335543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406840685630981,0.0,0.10627614431839147,0.20739855408878885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341051953801778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569840329479164,0.2872006561696301,0.100775667434673,0.09591880689809644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094988121648858,0.07043827685914733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874339853683436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101990075345984,0.0,0.0,0.18072576258950124,0.07554457473451448,0.0,0.09614095063944098,0.0,0.0,0.09910147065628208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395340174646408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303062811178771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311107340723361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539288950362857,0.0,0.0,0.09077268008281583,0.1055439712658653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801552977162968,0.0,0.1524000066130307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748238162373257,0.10386313446328488,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeawayeighty8,2019/01/04,"I just want to die I don't know what's wrong with me but I've felt a steady cognitive decline since I felt depressed enough to go to therapy over 10 years ago. I can't keep track of things the way I used to be able to. My short term memory is laughable (to the point where my co-workers laugh at me on a daily basis). I cannot keep anything organized or straight. I even sometimes find myself forgetting my the name of my boyfriend (of over 3 years) due to the sheer anxiety I feel on a day to day basis. I feel so alone and I can't tell anyone I feel like this. I just want to die. I used to be the smartest among my peers, now I can't even keep first names straight. This is such a lonely feeling that I don't want to be alive anymore. I wish I could just die of some terrible accident. How do I get better? Please help.",1.5104166666666683,2.9920126931818203,2.864409090909092,95.42453030303032,78.31818181818181,6.511515151515153,22.52878787878788,7.3011,0.5238587878787877,638,19,153,8,15,207,102,176,0.175,0.601,0.225,0.5997,0,3,0,0,0,5,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,9,0,13,0,0,3,0,30,31,5,3,5,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,8,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,6,26,3,22,25,3,22,0,2,0,0,4,11,0,2,10,91,31,0,0.13108678903214185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620052915273588,0.0,0.0,0.13576637973020902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028103480926873,0.0,0.13000287064891206,0.09165893081093228,0.0,0.10787325805516383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593561224401172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466213441306156,0.0,0.0,0.169080268772499,0.0,0.11290485931003015,0.0,0.4081421732413152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354476947776972,0.0,0.17316317569355594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651256770078343,0.09364842827694106,0.2517277492490114,0.0,0.11981095033795948,0.11150235578502264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848743686160108,0.0,0.07449964310320492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786471149732349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495478834977009,0.0,0.0,0.07204187103636571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404238367163029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438939297333469,0.12391938663005765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843634650088836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964818623330465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457563149820107,0.0,0.14990916758519948,0.0,0.08708823785396061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22643379459559795,0.0,0.0,0.23195515353824625,0.10405059154592718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507433380566549,0.0,0.0,0.09543274365152153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332282545775407,0.0,0.16883118857499674
suicidewatch,Albiiiiii,2019/01/04,"Im so in love with my ex that it is killing me I still love him, I really do. He was my rock and one of the main reasons that I didn’t kill my self. Now I have lost him as my rock, and I’m slowly losing him as a friend. I can’t do this anymore. It hurts so bad and it’s too much",-1.4134782608695673,-0.5636274927536231,1.7210869565217382,103.2059782608696,84.79710144927536,5.179710144927537,15.847826086956525,5.46131890053228,-1.1408956521739135,209,3,64,1,6,75,47,69,0.261,0.5920000000000001,0.147,-0.8568,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,0,5,11,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,13,3,5,8,2,3,0,3,0,2,9,1,0,0,2,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252705866254975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965977154685687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754946101083329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316750322275696,0.0,0.2453596978829131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026130152418744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412142027428186,0.24795976305829726,0.0,0.4100213459507409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698051425231822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539219149177232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551734662581106,0.233546812212428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696575215409205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140133615533835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roll-call,2019/01/04,yikes i’m dangerously close. i have the means. i can’t take anymore. for once i am in control. ,-1.7385000000000022,-0.2568038499999989,1.1099999999999994,96.01000000000002,112.5,4.0,20.0,5.985473137389443,0.09450000000000047,73,3,17,1,4,25,17,20,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379661149248409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953118277835471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810511649428887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703084620775052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320415676398733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whatever_ho,2019/01/04,"I don't even know why i'm trying I did it, I passed all my classes at 80% and more, but yet i still feel like garbage. I thought if I threw all I had into this, it would help me. It did, for about a day. 


I told my mother, since my dad doesn't give a shit what I do, and she said ""nice"" that's it. I put all I had, I worked hours upon hours to get this and all I get is an uninterested ""nice"". I stopped being proud of it then, maybe I just wasted all that time, 60 is enought to pass, why should i waste my limited time on this crap. Why be anxious and work that much when it only hurts me? Why should l try if it's never enought? I know she was a good student, a much better one than me, but I wish she had lower standards for me. I'm tired of never meeting her expectations, i'm tired of trying to be the perfect child but failing miserably.
I hate that look in her eyes when she looks at me, I hate seeing all the disapointment in her eyes when she smiles at me. I hate that she cares so much about my studies and so little about me. 


She saw my selfharming scars, more than once, but all she would do is look away, or make a shitty joke about cat scraches. I wish my mother would ask about them, be genuinely concerned, because if I tell her how I feel, I know she'll brush it off and call me a drama queen, like she did many times before. She hoped i would be perfect like her, but I could never get even close.


When I eventually end It, i'll make sure she knows it's partially her fault and that she's not a perfect mother, that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and that that tree is rotten and needs to be cut down.

This turned into a rant, sorry, it wasn't meant to go on this long. ",3.329072942867408,3.381837487603306,4.283123727392503,92.46523895077257,72.19559228650138,7.304779015450952,23.220625224577798,6.7026698264267655,0.3436868846568455,1300,27,318,9,23,422,168,363,0.18600000000000005,0.6509999999999999,0.163,-0.8582,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,10,17,26,6,1,13,0,31,6,4,3,14,63,67,26,0,15,11,4,2,3,0,7,2,1,0,1,26,12,0,2,8,2,0,6,8,11,0,1,14,12,63,15,31,39,12,41,0,3,7,0,33,16,2,5,22,211,89,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494573452879208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684496866296564,0.0,0.08727859739573579,0.0,0.0,0.05662837550788349,0.0,0.07904742515083246,0.0,0.0,0.08215872514815625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948569279128391,0.0,0.09471338912658983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416968236268798,0.0,0.0,0.0599100615470017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227804492264594,0.0,0.0,0.1227135086641473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394174579058473,0.06636472892529564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560255625435636,0.089114050110495,0.0527947848196066,0.07791653191607148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751459068695912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226605046029341,0.0,0.0,0.09226642173157973,0.182967165608912,0.0,0.09944680155667646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421225772036786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615248574793332,0.0931059272390225,0.0,0.08220979884709262,0.2340270534416003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401724383620373,0.0941816908675396,0.09332624801768508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486715343871686,0.06888100760162905,0.21494074420725304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893092193121793,0.06294855161639025,0.07065138961378874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338586782148407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836511327236586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402587050948099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535613312147133,0.07684430880035213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103989165584361,0.0,0.0,0.0741866509285589,0.07766499087233829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755312727301676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119496360725309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374883401289847,0.1625047437179098,0.21353995498311276,0.0,0.08876585211344094,0.0,0.18921031093108345,0.1010438798566016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352957935778357,0.0,0.21365101265425912,0.0,0.0,0.13525839738177245,0.0,0.0,0.26396184852138216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sayaandtenshi,2019/01/04,I just keep getting high to block out the passage of time I get high so that I stop looking at the clock ticking by. Time feels so slow and like I'm just waiting until I can fall asleep again and get through the next day. It genuinely feels like a slow (so fucking slow) way of killing myself cause I am waiting for my parents to pass before I do it (I don't want to hurt them). SO I just get high to forget everything.,3.351742424242424,3.964056750000001,4.075454545454543,91.96651515151515,72.4090909090909,6.775757575757575,28.303030303030305,6.42735559955562,1.0359030303030303,326,12,74,2,6,104,56,88,0.141,0.768,0.091,-0.5569,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,16,17,7,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,11,2,12,17,0,19,0,1,1,1,2,5,1,0,13,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529033928390198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747328225255736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769458355412818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640153044271112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455054733162732,0.1303749141939611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687142687965192,0.3813857367809837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784499568819708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953653458663293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622105006856966,0.20190437508768644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783162927470386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325036609863246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940861723630745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026397996810951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257451789268753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282933832902964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076406505900472,0.1448565362412109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Acorbo22,2019/01/04,"Starting to feel like this is it. Every single day I get less and less scared of taking my own life. The pain I feel every day is slowly taking over. 

Any happiness or moment of not wanting to die is becoming shorter and shorter. The thoughts of being gone are becoming more strong, more frequent, and less scary.

It feels like I've done everything I can. I'm tired. I'm beaten. This is what the world has done to me. 

Who cares. It's only a matter of time now. I'm 29 and I knew I would be dead before 30. I just didn't think it would be at my own hands. 

Thank you everyone who was with me for my life. Thank you for the kindness I never deserved. ",0.26808333333333323,2.513335785185184,2.1228472222222234,94.8709375,87.44444444444444,4.856481481481481,18.06712962962963,6.322622252153567,-0.16306481481481505,501,13,110,5,16,165,83,135,0.123,0.695,0.182,0.7838,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,2,0,2,2,11,1,1,5,0,16,5,1,0,1,19,34,5,2,3,3,0,4,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,4,14,8,12,22,8,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,10,73,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381624115194256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372091183170696,0.12990517669781956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565035200908656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691032608311448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844034513838784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124550048769398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572507352249402,0.14587627214328852,0.13720388017053714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315733699663532,0.21812530442562145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976024419005458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251286229102616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589752764582666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566112843827967,0.1491670996677735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774330537448673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610727653953275,0.16244445546642555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284253983643534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080558300504507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295675210375598,0.0,0.0,0.2811036087473046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782044265906617,0.0,0.12119756330358915,0.08901916542138266,0.17546394162235127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004473684099856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168951772193944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InMagneto12,2019/01/04,"Thoughts... Dear r/SuicideWatch

For a good amount of my life I thought I was happy. I gave it my best effort and never gave up. Later on in life I started questioning my existence. My first thoughts of suicide happened when I was a small child. I convinced myself I did not want to live and told my dad about it. As a great dad he, in a frustrated manner, told me suicide was selfish as the  suicide-ee only thought about them self. I understood this and did not have suicidal thoughts for a time. Then when my grades started falling, my parents told me that school was to make me prosperous and that seeing me prosper is what they wanted out of me more than any good grade. I could understand that and seemed to want that too as well as not see my parents cry because of me. Then due to my excessive amounts of not caring and laziness, I started to think of myself as a parasite. Taking without return, only caring about its existence. But I do not care about myself. I have been reading a book that taught me that living is a choice. I have been choosing to live my life leeching off others. Now I do not see that I can change myself and it would be better for my parents to let me live on the streets. It would not have me ruining their lives at least. The funny thing is that I can tell that they love me and still I do not make the right choices making me lower than the scum of this Earth. Now I do not no what to do with myself anymore. 

​

I really do not think anyone cares about this anonymous post. I even think that  there will bee hateful comments that would not matter to me as that is human's nature of sin. This post of and in of itself seems selfish and I think that it is of ill will, but I feel so much pain from hurting my parents, the people that love me the most other than God that I want to not hurt them anymore.

​

Sincerely,

InMagneto12

​",4.4820581563208926,5.530106466487937,4.77872654155496,86.35354660754795,70.1260053619303,7.3470406269333886,28.55526912765519,7.468242284971852,1.5585562796452876,1484,53,295,15,26,467,172,373,0.114,0.765,0.121,0.8165,5,0,0,0,0,4,46.0,0,0,5,4,15,25,2,0,15,0,33,7,0,3,1,57,75,23,3,8,15,6,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,31,12,0,0,16,2,0,1,15,9,1,1,20,4,58,16,50,47,7,31,1,3,3,2,25,12,0,4,16,231,89,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224133887927411,0.2494293640537237,0.046530930496969485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571721425940558,0.0478439233286247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171087208782358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180717419612474,0.0605158111073895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27905289695717794,0.0,0.07238393019684981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463130640916755,0.0,0.07516097771618062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519366322477068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459742670732645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058201749834325786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478226126496027,0.0,0.07543812979092092,0.0,0.0,0.06050746070363783,0.07283903381803201,0.0,0.0675549176185711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464994459781472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996857305226434,0.14499050726908108,0.0,0.0,0.3020999428330747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235113640287118,0.0,0.13702143178068515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050299798498776936,0.0,0.05277310657823967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407966142689272,0.07280837355557511,0.0,0.30390874343410945,0.0,0.0,0.04743685549555236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106329971433658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665097468587466,0.0,0.06844290502995765,0.0,0.04383441532761573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584340538450578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924913408347168,0.16357613590279854,0.12458198675214728,0.07138155992531607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529340290343734,0.0,0.05464380497855451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453552560725248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051446624570650815,0.0,0.059805931404939276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545812326029187,0.1753743409719522,0.0,0.2716066066304426,0.03989881114129589,0.0,0.0,0.1961473061904252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123220145952411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143390841647762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152174262710456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595866870562582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582016702308634,0.0,0.2494293640537237,0.0
suicidewatch,absolutefuckingmess,2019/01/04,"20f depressed tipsy suicidal rant Here's the short version: I'm depressed.

Here's the long version:

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 15. I also had symptoms of OCD and PTSD but not eough to have the proper disorder. I was in therapy for 3 years and that phase of 15-17? Those were the worst years of my life. I was absolutely broken inside, I was lying to everyone, I was relying on drugs and alcohol to fill the hole inside of me, just scraping by surviving. 


Here's the thing: I got better.


At 17 I ODed on antidepressants (not an attempt, just a coping mechanism) and ended up in hospital. It changed my life; I finally stopped running from my problems and owned up to them. I was honest in therapy. I was open and honest about the trauma I experience when I was 12, which I had repressed till then. I quit drugs, I fell in love, I got into my dream school - everything was amazing. I had (and still have!) amazing friends and a good family. I went travelling with the love of my life and helped needy children and everything was amazing.


And then it got worse again. And now I'm worse, now I've gained weight and feel disgustingly unattractive, now I'm doing meh at uni, now my love life is a shambles, I can't believe that it getting better makes the bad part worth it. I had the good part, y'know? I had the dream life, to the point where I wouldn't even be diagnosed with depression anymore, I didn't self harm for months, all that healthy, wonderful stuff, and it does fuck all to make me feel better now. 

So what's the point? Even if/when it does get better, it's not better enough to make feeling worthless and unwanted and like I shouldn't exist worth it. I probably won't do anything, I've seen the effects of suicide first hand and I don't want to put people I love through that, but man, I am close. Like, clearing my browser history and writing a note kind of close. And I really don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore.",4.1138150609080855,5.319630214470287,5.015344222960504,83.72252906976746,71.14470284237726,8.525987449243264,29.325304540420817,8.942964678507748,2.2943149501661124,1531,60,308,29,28,499,191,387,0.191,0.563,0.246,0.9869,0,0,3,0,0,1,57.0,0,0,1,11,19,33,2,1,19,0,31,19,1,4,3,55,56,29,2,5,8,0,5,2,1,3,12,0,0,3,19,27,2,2,6,3,2,6,10,13,0,1,22,6,40,20,40,30,9,44,0,5,1,5,12,19,1,2,21,203,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533836044675516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385825683197302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108717488922415,0.0,0.1583850448000615,0.0,0.0,0.06571205206666987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667375413541522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899667628695769,0.0,0.35311657057135964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447367630991627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27510840507910617,0.16209782608696305,0.0,0.0,0.09151822910339426,0.0,0.13975945012806734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520779724197292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072588091893732,0.08250929036546685,0.0,0.10548404509471616,0.0,0.0,0.07630277423516267,0.14353309882442686,0.07811136281269063,0.07527811491696973,0.0,0.12112792785150285,0.0,0.0,0.08747484131084382,0.0,0.06792275250604629,0.0,0.0,0.06169407666697916,0.07382262862860885,0.08343958638313996,0.0,0.0,0.1339534832917718,0.19159674112282613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535236498908977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315440510196623,0.08777002318964197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28201197756073104,0.07802409097816931,0.0,0.0,0.07066721686320646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882810855167328,0.0,0.15990709601268116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373774463897257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294560572487153,0.0,0.05535987843425996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097341701017333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609482630550798,0.07640834706491156,0.09334365221693784,0.08027412140460355,0.0,0.08493328409973491,0.0,0.0,0.051155749647047964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081529866367716,0.0,0.0,0.08330388763403268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377055074997151,0.06676051796286056,0.0,0.0,0.09141235356370137,0.17469200929581868,0.0,0.0,0.08299763626920331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263727643402194,0.0,0.05305065336329708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685691816138984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709925147726949,0.0,0.0,0.09723920024802472,0.0,0.07402434737526263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659695737155593,0.0,0.0,0.1627536543101818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284517269743178
suicidewatch,Trixter0,2019/01/04,Question What makes you genuinely happy when nothing does and you just want to die?,7.421999999999998,8.8820352,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,63.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,35.0,8.841846274778883,3.1190000000000007,68,3,11,1,1,20,14,15,0.187,0.574,0.239,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42564573189464494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589037687422005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365864398473711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27376209315354444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39352667565631705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4594346519276927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190276714223974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DubstepDragonfly,2019/01/04,"i don't want to die, but i don't have any other options. i don't know if i want help anymore. every time i end up here i reach out and everyone i thought i was close to backs away.
this is such a last chance effort for a sign not to do it. i'm a strong believer in fate and my partner fucking hates it. then again, they also told me to my face today while i was at work, that they didn't give a shit about my feelings and that i'm stupid for getting upset with them over something extremely important to me.

i left my main group chat as a cry for help. usually someone messages me privately once i leave, and they were talking to me just a minute before i left, so it's not like they didn't see it. they just chose not to care. maybe im being petty expecting the help but all it reads as is fate telling me that this is the time i have to let go

can i get some reassurance that the people in my life i love won't miss me. i don't want to die with the guilt but im gonna die, so.",1.4047953374898334,2.4201328571428604,3.2002168609379247,94.85393873678505,77.57142857142857,6.580536730821363,21.981295744104095,7.048011613610866,0.3199500677690428,758,20,189,8,17,254,121,217,0.145,0.6579999999999999,0.197,0.9463,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,6,3,10,12,4,2,10,0,19,5,2,0,1,28,39,15,3,5,9,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,7,0,0,7,2,33,5,24,28,3,21,0,1,1,2,19,10,2,3,11,123,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398136203032926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842181292907636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895037776304633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216325699761316,0.09998159952137947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106421413936762,0.14649423590207358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256968423225188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282692910298536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40483788671584026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516401783557352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955210925348262,0.12424495727375445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574481016110112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020649880343365,0.1358659360557766,0.12473232763337767,0.07389649992664064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837328255229058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614600973747597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28089974997426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145862578668963,0.10598815375103293,0.0,0.13767825235521314,0.2825462176613237,0.13295990454660406,0.09184087067327937,0.06352390163448891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735310908378553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062811229095755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384729361093589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014332440320616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006070758192995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036135056400848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346932861441765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017020184997106,0.10009999840665293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045095883634658,0.11364803631169865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032257395469122,0.15163785366630408,0.0,0.12324899026116097,0.12424495727375445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143204741326347,0.0,0.2300772630907483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946601277602684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImJustAGuy128,2019/01/04,"Not sure how much longer I’m going to last I wake up everyday smoke a bong then continue playing video games then keep on smoking, I’m only 19 I failed high school, I don’t have much friends and none that I can trust.

 I hate working I don’t see a point in it, wake up then work for 8-10 hours then come back home and go to sleep then repeat.

All I think about is when I’m I gonna to do it, im just afraid to cause I told my mom I was going to and she started crying and seeing that just made not want to, but my life isn’t going anywhere I couldn’t care and I just rather be dead.. ",-0.29625874125873963,1.3302438030303063,1.6003030303030314,101.67430069930073,84.45454545454545,4.667599067599069,16.214452214452216,5.369823440869387,-1.0212163170163169,450,8,118,2,13,148,84,132,0.093,0.841,0.066,-0.0626,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,1,1,2,0,10,4,3,3,2,22,29,13,1,3,7,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,1,3,0,5,7,3,0,0,3,2,15,5,12,23,4,24,0,1,2,0,5,6,0,0,13,67,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338317397590152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685819531322505,0.17819539805591106,0.0,0.14942394956675484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190542151997814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340179216841675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943345476811515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125987144132748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832743295177844,0.17399862053440332,0.0,0.1708271819305198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737097825981555,0.0,0.0,0.15418284883707495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413963811224649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252281309515176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413591130219254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315903972084845,0.0,0.0,0.25503212284451376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319272531443845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639796287614274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755549147068808,0.2764568343615913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358935857035082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277877209477578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348784713889766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111487814201236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575236674554245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231361156333008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25256783948388545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,desperatelul,2019/01/04,"18 yr , soon homeless Eh first things first i wanna apologize for my english but it\`s not my native language   
i was born and raised in Poland or so called Poorland ( im really funny i know :().  
When i was 15 i was forced to move to germany with my mom.  
At first i was going to school and just trying to adapt here.  
but i couldnt take it more, germany is great country but its just not for me   
i hate their language and for the last 2 years i have just been sitting in room and watching NBA   
What i want to do is move to england and study there but i cant do that because im broke   
my family is poor, i live alone with my mom who never worked but was always living on social help  
im so desperate that i was even trying to become an gay escort   
i met with one client but i cant take it more , i dont wanna live like that ( also i might have aids sadly , but thats not the biggest problem atm)   
is there any option for me? some kind of charity that would take me to england and help me get back on education track?  
there is no way i will go to school or job here in germany   
i would rather die than spend next day here   
inb4 if you wanna answer "" it will be good"" please kick yourself and go away   
if i wont find any help i will probably just end my life   
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suicidewatch,ClearCourse,2019/01/04,"I think it's worse to have one or two people who dont want me to die or would be sad if I was dead. I still spend almost all my time lonely mentally and physically, but feel too guilty too just fucking off myself. So it's like a reciprocal torture where I want to die every fucking day and the vast majority of people around me wouldnt know or would just have some vague passing sadness. But the one or two people I actually interact with would be legitimately upset. And I know I shouldn't seek my value in whether or not someone would be upset if I died but I'll be damned if it makes me feel like a real piece of garbage. So I just sit in this weird fucking limbo where I have an exact plan laid out for how I want to do it so i dont want to even try to build any new relationships, but the few that exist haven't failed enough yet to just die.",6.049333333333332,4.54061237777778,6.894444444444449,81.25500000000005,66.8888888888889,9.777777777777779,29.44444444444445,8.515128840125781,1.8107777777777776,668,17,151,8,9,224,102,180,0.297,0.65,0.053,-0.9929,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,16,14,5,2,6,0,18,3,0,2,2,46,31,20,5,13,18,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,6,12,0,4,1,2,18,2,16,20,6,15,0,4,0,3,3,8,4,10,7,106,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.1149871428341457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799183833743007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012987610445932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489556063411264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599196357743207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891645116415097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761967130112381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175206915531064,0.0,0.07782699800390604,0.0,0.09927863556139656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915891154472988,0.08417928363102499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268016636504377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951489324190169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513363499403267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865384906323772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874705346371547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380298704682246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969217584368295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450698479299473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411873903199806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650758976042972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983876525719268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410087604186178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550205886651556,0.0,0.0,0.06870885149557636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000026865531341,0.0,0.2302097015122204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780017279326377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008098777168932,0.3348182034987812,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,benryl,2019/01/04,"Suicide thougts coming back So lately my thought about suicide are increasing again. Since when I planned how to kill myself(I stopped planning for ironic reasons)  I had stop thinking about suicide in a serious way.
I thought that I have erased that part of me who believed suicide was the best solution,but it seems I was wrong.

Fuck, it just make sense. I have never been happy since I was 6, my health is shit(asthma,scoliosis,allergies,weird feet...),no real friends,no love, family problems,no aspirations in life.
I look into my future and I just see a loser. If I am not going to live a good life,why should I keep living?

I just wished I lived in the US and had access to a gun",3.3738636363636374,5.607923507575762,3.986363636363638,86.07454545454546,75.28787878787878,6.521212121212122,28.424242424242426,7.492282038375204,1.7234424242424256,541,23,102,7,12,171,93,132,0.308,0.615,0.077,-0.9858,0,0,0,1,0,5,25.0,1,0,0,4,10,9,2,0,6,0,12,4,0,3,1,23,25,6,5,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,8,2,18,4,11,16,3,16,0,1,2,2,3,4,1,2,8,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714210185215308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233376994243374,0.1325784477003962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882449483911057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909529195603975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679260989975362,0.0,0.0,0.07179782436723617,0.10596193341689117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448358250689255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342858266173746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229037036029957,0.13976849192945204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250886690343312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784651427031106,0.0,0.0,0.3346624505383947,0.0,0.10608770883711573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402025702585634,0.0,0.08432810477289494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974356201702221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680607855972354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379434969553312,0.0,0.12989112795717522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067086110175166,0.1150086088189388,0.0,0.0,0.1296787726588409,0.2090075451854244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123970457264932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527501817073989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094893773788209,0.0,0.2005882152882688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196276702005385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027707229110376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139956748598881,0.0,0.14527645045667364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812505162980027,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CherryxCupcake,2019/01/04,"Just a thought This was it.
21.
A probably attractive young girl.
A Law student.
A bright future.
A loving family.
A good life?

I wanted to do it.

A force.
A cigarette.
A beer
A thought

This was it.

I called my friends.
No one answered.

A thought...

I was ready.
I was...
Empty.

But there was a feeling...
I'm not able to describe it, it sounds weird...
It was like someone hugging me from behind.
No.

I walked upstairs.
I was ready.

Something was pulling me back.
I felt it.

A thought...

I did it.
I knocked on my roomates door.
I wasn't able to speak.

A thought...

He asked.
I tried to answer.
He listened...


I want to live...

It's just a thought...

But I want to live...


I never planned anything.
I'm greatful.


I need some sleep.


I love you all.
Sleep tight...


I won't kill myself tonight








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suicidewatch,liegeofshadows,2019/01/04,"Anybody want to be ""Don't Kill Yourself"" buddies? I'm dangerously code to procuring an exit bag, and I think it may be a good idea to regularly talk with someone who wants to keep going but is close to the edge. I know for sure we'll have being suicidal in common, so we could start our new friendship with that! 🙃",7.414322916666663,5.504842203125001,7.848749999999999,76.78791666666667,64.46875,10.408333333333333,35.39583333333333,8.841846274778883,2.8170895833333334,247,9,51,3,3,82,55,64,0.117,0.706,0.177,0.3206,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,17,3,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,9,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310710837442569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447890506874244,0.2427441630853996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267097208393542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25724173858189875,0.3201903221757831,0.0,0.15905268231620873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795148865480097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521694788622656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484655091556567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31656859196303666,0.0,0.27276638324060426,0.0,0.0,0.2326175486020653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544284263410726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414041382379143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yeeticus-Rex,2019/01/04,"Help I need help, I think I’m going to kill myself tonight. I’ve tried everything to keep me going, I’ve tried distracting myself by picking up new games, I’ve tried meds, I’ve tried therapy, u name it, I’ve tried it. Life isn’t worth living anymore, and I don’t wanna die, I just wanna get rid of this pain. This is a last desperate cry for help, I’m sorry for wasting your time",2.5318518518518545,3.494408543209879,4.242901234567904,88.68805555555558,74.67901234567901,7.375308641975309,23.37654320987655,7.793537801064563,0.9542987654320988,296,8,66,4,6,100,51,81,0.273,0.613,0.114,-0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,9,11,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,9,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443301199489614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932040205666992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254332448009705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807622986445086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189389308057813,0.0,0.1999216951775145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536807963863753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633677895110715,0.1945933187057132,0.0,0.0,0.14337168463781685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423445338959498,0.0,0.0,0.15531177305522142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953712207981009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041825866234827,0.0,0.1698731211843664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715656620351465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689151433002872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201142540137846,0.0,0.0,0.1127015268081127,0.0,0.0,0.10256134183669978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970799046985723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodyatall_123,2019/01/04,":/ \*self harm trigger warning\* i honestly hate my life. school is so stressful and im only in my first year of high school, i have decent grades tho. i have really bad anxiety tho.but thats kind of off topic. i just want to die. i hurt myself by hitting my head and digging my nails into my skin of my hands. i know my family does love me but i hate my life so much. i have no real friends, no one ever wants to hang out with me, im fucking ugly and fat and i have no motivation to change that at all. im thinking of cutting again but i get really sweaty easily so it would be a pain to hide bc it would get irritated. so yeah. ive also tried to kill msyelf at least 15 times over the past like 4-5 years. i dont know why im posting this, i just want to someone to hear me i guess.",-1.1587490465293655,0.8850615614035107,1.7317874396135302,95.88869565217392,94.20467836257308,4.845258072718027,16.791507754894482,6.498293943080001,-0.2476353419781341,601,16,143,8,23,209,109,171,0.271,0.606,0.123,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,0,2,10,15,5,1,2,1,10,9,4,2,2,25,25,12,2,5,4,0,2,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,10,0,2,0,3,26,5,20,21,3,17,0,1,0,2,4,8,1,1,8,86,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579548864430514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916385140892758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001909187653314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672123388807616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243224183719897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482845509630508,0.0,0.14039220953590414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835631239472128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292672491308375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189274792613953,0.0,0.0,0.09254894376968684,0.11074331078426576,0.12516996777540498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196145866818754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653433828618575,0.12293841786248225,0.0,0.1350112875883637,0.0,0.0,0.12656401027424904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823696162797135,0.0,0.5175721549213518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252915191189762,0.12474215966510645,0.13166617250291082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922150108206982,0.05852301872996892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811455254193192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805894502760804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117235418141475,0.0911051878697452,0.12746429917876978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435247556693673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472507096586393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634648948269978,0.1534802319236213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24246640636598835,0.0,0.0,0.12496640243203275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149711558097667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372182795529316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675616956635341,0.0,0.0,0.06985012508636035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132909590077846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196456185382392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809124361469837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701898146055173,0.0,0.0,0.15428080974997113
suicidewatch,MuhMonica,2019/01/04,"Telling loved ones ahead of time I'm fairly certain I'm going to kill myself this year. The details don't matter much, but I am still concerned about the pain this will cause my family.

I'm thinking of doing something that may be kind of crazy - I want to try and calmly sit my close family down and tell them that I'm going to kill myself in the near future. I feel like this might help to avoid the feelings of shock and disbelief that seem to come along with this sort of thing. Of course, I'm not naive in thinking this will make things super easy for them, but if I can alleviate a little bit of their suffering, I think it would be worthwhile.

I'm open to hearing anyone's thoughts on this idea, or if you have had similar plans. Thanks.",6.408200000000001,5.670223653333338,6.197166666666668,84.02775000000003,65.8,9.1,28.75,8.07648339933343,1.6495999999999995,588,15,123,6,8,184,100,150,0.16,0.652,0.187,0.4204,0,1,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,3,3,2,13,2,1,5,0,13,2,0,2,1,32,34,8,2,4,6,0,2,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,12,8,0,1,8,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,2,3,13,7,23,25,2,17,0,1,0,1,9,8,0,7,6,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123772985082321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754617059753783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651009761593342,0.0,0.13844375446392732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30302000265194096,0.0,0.16252702864690705,0.1148164972708733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267873207107208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114011875645894,0.0,0.10772544284464566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814303102677003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35561984104924543,0.16736237405991547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851837244196988,0.16108099307954393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505367096754407,0.0,0.10728007006921772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049569602062692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814573466258975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890622657412596,0.0,0.17101457739479514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631102698070805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372805753585694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834907249395006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809480719167814,0.1479669303456404,0.0,0.0,0.2135469138748272,0.308943539141652,0.0,0.12759161283855608,0.09371557133706893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911652168475552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479524907928676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416898460658835,0.0,0.0,0.10349669534727504
suicidewatch,thewriter003,2019/01/04,"I hope there is a life after death. I feel worthless and i really hope there is life after death. I fucked up this one since the beggining. Born with lots of complications, an eating disorder (i cant touch meat or barely anything without gagging and fucking vomiting), Thyroid problem, pre-diabetes. 


Now im 19 and im extremely lazy to find a job, anxious and constantly on edge by my parents mostly my dad and i feel like i will break at any moment. I dont want to upset my mother my ending everything because i love her too much and im her only companion as my dad is the fucking devil but i cant just go back and redo everything and try to be a fucking functioning human being for once.


I might not reply but ill try to check up often this post",3.2649779249448163,4.8221412317880805,5.259221854304638,79.76887693156735,73.76821192052981,8.212141280353201,27.81512141280353,8.841846274778883,2.3384697571743933,590,23,111,12,12,204,99,151,0.14,0.774,0.086,-0.7092,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,4,1,6,0,10,11,0,0,0,26,21,12,2,4,6,4,3,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,2,9,1,0,3,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,0,3,18,4,16,17,3,15,1,1,0,5,9,4,4,7,9,75,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854464608528223,0.0,0.0,0.1470958863411935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714856610956297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012049121591612,0.0,0.07937245972687683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407065901791311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922752695907576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260063656916942,0.0,0.0,0.1332333961360933,0.0,0.0,0.11532400052902315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340417814481885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167228209464793,0.09301929865840508,0.0,0.0,0.11900606104222408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814939454923078,0.0,0.0,0.0739991549166015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25864816983892885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219349522984542,0.0,0.1292095114612856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393690698136744,0.06361214729552885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069661142154064,0.117516132802728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812814747953958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571650101700167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866529891247228,0.08823105613088959,0.09902764341151983,0.0,0.0,0.1445785192891675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470149816508636,0.0,0.0,0.12458969959575647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341339298580737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770787173025158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680285604280402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679896003708671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551408094399472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,something540,2019/01/04,"how should i commit suicide? im so sick and tired of life. its to the point where the smallest things piss me off so much. im desperate, im only 16, i cant live 60 more years like this. its pretty fucked that a kid like me feels this way. i want to commit suicide, but i dont know how. (preferably a way without to much pain, cause im a pussy) i know most of them, but i dont really have a way to do them. does anyone know of anymore ways? i dont have access to a lot of stuff. (i dont have a car, so no garage suffocation, and i cant buy a gun. ODing is also not an option, as we dont have any dangerous pills in the house) plz tell me how you considered, or how someone you know has commited suicide. i need to get off of this god forsaken planet, fast. 

(sorry for the horribly written post, i suck at writing, and now that i think about it, talking in general)",0.6179679144385021,2.167529406417117,3.0240641711229976,92.97374331550806,81.13903743315508,6.325133689839571,21.16042780748663,7.285733465282438,0.4678898395721927,657,19,157,9,17,227,108,187,0.18,0.6970000000000001,0.124,-0.9422,0,0,0,1,0,5,31.0,1,2,2,0,11,7,4,0,12,0,15,7,1,5,3,32,27,15,3,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,7,0,1,1,10,5,0,0,1,1,20,2,20,25,5,16,0,0,0,1,9,7,3,4,5,100,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804642162716846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663677216585067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678768728709154,0.06824046183069353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025660886469846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540575261690361,0.0,0.5719011267479106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493467970936445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022469897251448,0.05098918653847851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126111448416746,0.0,0.0,0.4216759598717843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145419112867288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893400100954915,0.09535965125984798,0.0,0.08617788084122713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297149765880467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348662236458912,0.07236521052739561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422514364226518,0.1038476088686793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225850769364208,0.0,0.09346871534895533,0.09928886440160432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252164408609996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269164643010851,0.0,0.0,0.10924924187523813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172254681077236,0.3202581832512287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844289821014036,0.08530204246118105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483756158397974,0.06253472326557398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217071538597873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756386443167862,0.30986442272591064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407777834801168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284776713983091
suicidewatch,throwaway78787877,2019/01/04,Today Just found out I have stage 4 brain cancer. Gonna kill myself by a stab in the neck where would be the stab have to be for a sure death,2.760625000000001,2.5619788125000014,3.5562500000000017,98.06375,73.375,6.4,16.0,3.1291,-1.1632375,110,0,29,0,2,35,27,32,0.469,0.478,0.052000000000000005,-0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,5,3,2,0,1,5,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571211234295912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489795976090934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530349169383705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38593513675015456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881442726014371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908866744081438,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xavierwildebruh,2019/01/04,i need to be put under suicide watch i’m going to be honest i’m going to kill the slimey bastard who did something to my gf or i’m going to kill myself and i’m over it really could give less of fuck i’m over it idc who i hurt i don’t for anything i’ll just be in a black place with no thoughts or perception soon ,-0.9309246575342484,0.8515926712328792,2.03176369863014,96.74846746575344,88.04109589041096,4.745890410958904,17.344178082191778,5.985473137389443,-0.4856013698630135,247,6,61,2,8,87,48,73,0.314,0.647,0.04,-0.9748,0,0,1,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,18,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,2,2,5,1,12,12,1,10,0,1,2,1,4,5,2,2,1,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966000713619768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907477670136034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220865634233856,0.0,0.22918132485715614,0.4073289918538091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557548411872896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286303070443351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714648318714488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496069237780512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016748070282615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304991572902374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392224925414635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613254373724321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966543956637014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RobCrimson,2019/01/04,Insomnia I absolutely cannot sleep at night. Everytime I lay in bed I start thinking about how much I hate myself. I just wish I could find peace but I don't how. ,-0.2982352941176494,1.9840350588235296,1.985529411764705,92.9388823529412,95.47058823529413,6.249411764705883,18.564705882352946,7.554174236665415,0.7060776470588239,128,4,29,3,5,43,27,34,0.083,0.773,0.14400000000000002,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,0,8,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,3,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29955629023152874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34291412088643664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704194872652699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758056145470205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520875836068883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754579555337661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655592896552378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040468019332184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314465339217601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicideandstolenart,2019/01/04,"My mother wants me dead and I have no one to turn to anymore I’m just writing this here so I have some record of my existence, or maybe I’ll regain the motivation to keep going. Today I got into a big fight with my mother. It started with her provoking me by flicking my nose over and over again. I told her to stop and when I started to cry she just laughed and did it even more. So I grabbed her hand and she got very aggressive and we started to fist fight. While trying to pry her off of me I punched her in the nose and she started bleeding and honestly my heart hurts so bad because of it. I never wanted to hurt her, I just wanted her off of me. My mother has been abusive to me all my life but I still love her. I feel so much guilt. She told me I wasn’t her daughter anymore and that she wants me out of the house. I just turned 18 in December and I’m still in highschool, I told her I wouldn’t be able to because I have no money or credit or anything and she told me to die then. She said I was no longer her daughter and that I’m nothing to her anymore. I really don’t know how to come back from this. My dad took her side and said I’m a liar and a terrible child. But I honestly didn’t want to hurt her. I feel like if I don’t kill myself then they will. I can’t get a job because I can’t drive, and I can’t get my license because I don’t have a car to practice on, and I can’t get a car because I don’t have a job! So I’m 100% fucked. And I don’t know what to do anymore. I really need to just get this off my chest. And writing this here will immortalize me in someway, so my existence won’t be a total fluke. ",1.912660256410259,2.5601507916666684,3.806111111111111,92.43615384615386,75.80555555555556,6.871794871794872,24.679487179487186,7.010146845296331,0.7015769230769231,1255,39,307,12,26,427,147,360,0.159,0.755,0.086,-0.9784,2,0,0,0,2,1,28.0,1,0,1,1,20,18,6,1,11,0,27,9,5,3,3,57,66,35,3,8,11,6,4,1,0,4,2,2,0,1,10,24,0,2,5,0,2,6,17,12,0,1,14,8,73,6,38,46,5,35,0,3,0,2,41,14,1,5,16,216,83,5,0.09277879545599824,0.1099277013144532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680465387452762,0.0,0.0,0.07634904339458773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134116681239641,0.07746641883288337,0.2827854628416549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992071708936041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191315025180754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628974180059643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127951938102719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382349334688332,0.06628119001184504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577250138147788,0.19389236528877266,0.0,0.05272832754582412,0.0,0.1484073564608492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994331932784128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705427323669743,0.2979648582970064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413727697417545,0.08246605632944055,0.1026459908498996,0.0,0.10197759921499802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553240702552572,0.04532703302182385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373648522505839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320877035323784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820308992518506,0.06879430123477415,0.07155672668697814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902375649798112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286931293508348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887294421189305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650776121806636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26267723581438035,0.0,0.1481865317968321,0.07756722736067037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794344975247892,0.3546164600245509,0.10308065552622007,0.06299071195454073,0.201833374708676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655222283269944,0.27361668687824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacehamsterblitz,2019/01/04,"Sad Person On The Internet #34892372 Okay, well, I guess it's pretty obvious why I'm here. I don't really want to get super detailed into My Life Story because I don't really want to go over my many failures yet again, so I'll just try to... paint some broad strokes? I don't know, I'll answer questions if people have them I guess.

To start I'm in my 30s, F, US born and raised. As for why I want to die, there are a lot of reasons: lifelong mental illness, other health things (I get regular migraines, for example), shame, isolation, money, and general lack-of-any-reason-to-live stuff. I have been in and out of treatment for most of my life, currently out because of lack of accessibility--I have very basic insurance but I am... just trust me when I say it's not possible for me in my current situation to receive treatment. On top of that, I've recently become very disillusioned with the whole process anyway. I've had contact with some really wonderful health professionals over the years but it's become very clear to me over time that if you're poor, that's all people fixate on, to the point that I've been turned away from emergency services in extreme crisis, despite police intervention, because of it. Yeah, it happened. I don't really want to get into too much more detail than that on the subject, and it's easy to assume that I misunderstood something or there's more to it than that, but... there really isn't, unfortunately. Believe me, it took me a long time and a lot of tries before I realized that was the problem, so it's not like I went into things jaded.

As for relationships... family has been less than supportive, is the nicest way I can put that. I was out of contact with them for a long time because of it, and I deeply wish that I'd stayed that way. Maybe I could have maintained some illusions about secret better natures, but that's all gone now. They've made it pretty clear what they think of me and my problems. I've pretty much destroyed all my friendships too. They put up with a lot from me, and never made me feel like they were ""putting up with"" it. But people can only take so much and I don't blame them for wanting to distance themselves from my constant histrionics.

I tried very hard to make things better, for many years. I put myself through a lot in the effort to improve my life. Eventually everything collapsed and it all ended up worse than it started. It's... very hard to make the choice to keep doing that to yourself after getting beaten back down so many times. As Camus said, ""One must imagine Sisyphus happy."" I guess my imagination isn't that good, because to me it all looks like bullshit.

I think about killing myself all day, every day. That's not an exaggeration. I try to do other things to occupy my time--I don't enjoy anything, I just try to find less-painful distractions--but if it's not at the front of my mind, it's in the back waiting to come forward at every opportunity. It's been this way without pause for weeks if not months at this point. The main reason I haven't followed through is that I've tried in the past, more than once, and failed. I am pretty certain I have what I need to make it happen now, but I was pretty sure in the past and obviously that didn't end the way I wanted it to. Being alone, and trying to kill yourself, and fucking up and knowing you fucked up but being completely cut off from any kind of help is the worst feeling in the world, and I guess I just want to be sure that won't happen again before I take the next major steps.

And I guess that's why I'm posting here too. I don't think anybody can do or say anything for me at this point, and I'm not sure I want anyone to anyway. Of all my many regrets, my biggest is that I did not succeed in killing myself years ago. These days I mostly just want to be dead. But being so alone in the meantime is pretty terrible.",5.387398452611219,5.645357214285718,5.986114948880907,81.32497789444602,67.76623376623378,8.631113567283782,29.629731970157504,8.399286722034276,2.0097535230726717,3045,102,607,40,47,991,311,770,0.179,0.6970000000000001,0.123,-0.9933,3,3,1,0,0,4,114.0,1,1,6,9,31,36,8,1,26,2,49,10,0,7,17,131,107,41,5,21,27,0,5,3,0,2,8,3,0,1,54,30,0,2,18,0,2,14,21,16,1,1,17,9,74,20,111,82,28,100,0,3,1,2,19,44,2,23,41,411,128,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043134339327139615,0.0,0.0,0.10079460283356624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033090610778546865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034024349568708284,0.0,0.08008641184687719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457178681915297,0.0748333942764156,0.0,0.14831405892278668,0.1074827556978865,0.08281250780279227,0.054823392338996926,0.0,0.08607200113623822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191646142072032,0.051019303381808906,0.052584399118944115,0.0,0.03885121740316446,0.0,0.0,0.09414542782121088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050161452984682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619700419278434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199664963177325,0.0,0.04373265825897876,0.0,0.04587251443753693,0.0,0.049208127535124414,0.034762863062708906,0.0,0.0,0.0444745495108009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997115831919945,0.10169180339450444,0.0,0.027654718173792208,0.04081387467684159,0.0,0.0,0.2680235313037719,0.0,0.12909018646033968,0.05179969735861805,0.0871799789258825,0.0,0.0,0.10344705351637032,0.0,0.0,0.03261591240798185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325142959849794,0.16150593508716948,0.050672119683018914,0.0534847566306709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311043410012424,0.07131876064815472,0.0,0.0,0.08612550751021074,0.0408623202088637,0.0,0.0,0.16547667848945685,0.0,0.09208693270123344,0.09744320216568994,0.19733525778900488,0.048885720359788866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903804571149747,0.0,0.049132939666575934,0.0,0.03884011461222451,0.0,0.10731255768487813,0.03608092843372033,0.03752975302028475,0.0,0.05175068435470075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182153453280534,0.032973416983284834,0.037008281689795065,0.05177789322101552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929033510969135,0.10120458617502157,0.04248821762412463,0.0,0.0,0.1379988777439934,0.054857074364624295,0.04660302933853437,0.297029557542717,0.0,0.09312249669773166,0.0,0.19566780051040636,0.05451057053956234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558648796423458,0.1500923977260875,0.048046086018077916,0.0522428539367415,0.0,0.0,0.04628700187513545,0.07739310261670276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054696113746571816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03746100624361304,0.0,0.0,0.06888389282596112,0.05186530839244263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570429750061176,0.0,0.055219028571827165,0.13758501345782062,0.0,0.07317284272440276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931072277847494,0.09353849142386582,0.0,0.0,0.14187079603849315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406328268746947,0.23125961459877825,0.052928334307427514,0.0,0.0,0.05853224010457585,0.0,0.0,0.20074884284693234,0.2583094683221219,0.15449683596646355,0.039032284555305566,0.0,0.04375137178535559,0.04510850128814138,0.13172481014842805,0.0543273856396687,0.05595683894429476,0.04690670507333045,0.05276992100101033,0.0,0.0,0.0495889101722358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400673770718466
suicidewatch,KristjanGoodwin,2019/01/04,"I am not doing well Me and my gf broke up about 2 weeks ago. I love her a lot but I'm asking hurt a lot. I haven't found a lot of things to stop me from ending myself. I don't have interest in anything anymore. I don't want to play games, I don't want to watch TV. I can barely eat, I can hardly sleep and when I do all I do is sleep. Its at the point where I don't care if I wake up or not. But at the same time I just want to die. Everything hurts, I can't even listen to music anymore. I don't even want to talk to my friends who are worried about me. I know I did kill myself a lot of people would be sad but I just don't have a will to live. I promised myself I'd never do it because at 15 I watched my best friend take his last breath from killing himself. But that's all I think about anymore. I've been depressed for along time but not to the point I want to die. I just don't know anymore. I want to not wake up but at the same time I don't. With every passing day all I hear in my head is that I should just kill myself. I've had to hide everything that could kill me to the point where its sad. Every time I see anything that'll ""do the trick"" I can stop looking at it. What is wrong with me. All I want is to be loved again.",-0.22341243862520346,1.1750467624113483,1.8208510638297888,101.32615384615384,83.14893617021276,4.763993453355155,17.583742498636113,5.069623422648166,-0.9039344244408074,945,19,252,3,26,315,125,282,0.303,0.617,0.08,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,0,5,26.0,0,0,0,1,14,22,5,0,11,0,36,9,6,0,5,48,57,11,6,11,16,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,11,5,1,2,4,3,0,1,15,12,1,0,4,7,46,10,35,46,11,30,0,6,4,2,14,15,0,6,14,175,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694485303505022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344337563663484,0.0,0.0,0.14286151789475224,0.0,0.08114827637105472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291377424513051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109348269185907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850055904460616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930443957068746,0.0,0.0,0.055980194439245436,0.0,0.07476254944703709,0.0,0.18017381829177093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888202516252634,0.0,0.0,0.07688092507194566,0.0,0.0,0.11466397960468785,0.0,0.14626908059105506,0.0,0.15602431914156972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517405786331826,0.1341262243464514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775766095749817,0.0,0.08908403026216878,0.0,0.09783231180597952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858469560454797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841347947960545,0.0,0.09540836379457547,0.07075532323543164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664787320139793,0.0,0.07289192954356719,0.0,0.0,0.2951842755845417,0.1566846269520039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694715569158198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017766920110225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461682161509896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691700612159118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372963973156466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451409388636593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526440090903993,0.06976826601988867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057667479757743625,0.055619301527906666,0.0,0.0,0.2024600857958027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583870266025047,0.0,0.06962743479046601,0.0,0.07804554154809794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815177893189889,0.0,0.06166174438485929,0.09490450535659538,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ifeellikeidontexist,2019/01/04,"i dont know where to go from here i fucking hate my body so damn much. I'm 5 feet and im thin, curvy, and got thin arms and weak shoulders and it fucking sucks. My friends all joke about how i'm the weakest in the group and how im thin and how ""cute"" i am and how high of a voice i have. theyre not wrong. i know i cant come out, id just end up embarrassing myself and looking like some tucute tiny special snowflake who wants to be special. but my friends arent transphobic, hell theyre trans women. but i refuse to make a fool of myself. my hands are too small, my bodys too thin and small my face is too feminine, etc. i cant go anywhere. and my friends only make me fucking hate how goddamn sensitive and weak and small and girly i am even more. at this point i have no options. i cant come out because id look like a special snowflake but i cant stand being stuck like this forever and being the small cute one. if i just had some fucking balls idve killed myself by now, but im too weak to even do that. ive been working out and lifting weights, but even with that im just too far behind. all my friends joke about depression and i mean they have depression and all that but i swear they have so much more control over it. and that makes me feel worse cause why are they better at managing their feelings? why am i the pussy of the group? am i weaker and just trying to feel special? i dont want to be some fucking sensitive pussy always talking about how goddamn sad i feel all the time. so of course i never talk to them about my feelings. i still talk a lot but like ""hi im just so happy and cheery and loud"" kinda vibe. i just dont know what to do. hell to be fair i dont even know if im trans. i could literally just be some butch lesbian. im so worried about being fake,lying to myself. i just know that everytime i look in the mirror i just see some weak pathetic sensitive girl and it makes me want to just kill myself in hopes that ill be reborn as literally anything else.",0.7406099166300991,2.7210726792452817,2.2541663010092168,96.46389205792015,82.82075471698113,5.26494076349276,20.94537077665643,6.388778183573513,0.05845750329091715,1552,47,362,14,43,503,175,424,0.202,0.631,0.166,-0.9629,1,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,5,3,39,42,13,1,11,0,34,19,7,12,5,90,73,43,2,7,20,0,11,4,4,0,5,2,0,2,13,28,1,2,11,3,0,4,12,23,0,1,4,17,50,19,35,60,15,32,2,3,4,6,19,22,9,11,9,226,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057768341879962985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713202696421552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232170036410143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140202534209675,0.0,0.15423419991852966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132005625273335,0.0,0.11960942431591642,0.0,0.0,0.07786763186810099,0.055431345944530336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119593745155875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254689819856815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799686410705372,0.0,0.06149119999523087,0.0,0.07742880874417186,0.18342197874239224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552041628300935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145547150525233,0.32091802620163457,0.0,0.0,0.07891326720511503,0.0,0.05552664914993705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390571354074632,0.0,0.13708842987290815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733528229881062,0.0,0.06895609876091392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249471197790849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362009152352527,0.0,0.1907747199262958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567296498671272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749021183111657,0.0,0.0,0.05902385835117865,0.0,0.0,0.1853706939866864,0.0,0.0,0.07562572286859136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207281190178506,0.0,0.05354593399976039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704513798903096,0.052801919792417336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563040614493237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532386692706523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544402754724201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740697624806322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040483102977334665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713598093538217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284850133718067,0.0,0.0,0.08454267422530724,0.0,0.0,0.12529308833139022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050543259579493134,0.07050589809064056,0.07075145178193441,0.0,0.07590688995833095,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChrisTop7,2019/01/04,"What procedures are carried out after you commit suicide? I really would like to know but can’t find any information on what procedures take place after you commit suicide, regarding you and your belongings. Are your devices like PC, mobile devices and others confiscated by the police and searched through as some sort of an investigation. If the reason for your suicide is determined by such an investigation, is the reason told to your family, etc.",8.780129870129871,10.379050129870137,8.80561038961039,59.35984415584417,60.68831168831169,11.874285714285715,37.477922077922074,11.602472056035307,5.161828051948053,368,17,51,11,5,120,53,77,0.16,0.703,0.13699999999999998,-0.7346,0,0,0,0,0,5,8.0,0,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,2,16,9,6,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,12,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,4,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127914949704093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23169948798791865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585101853809134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988245853786295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417560374461648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029952225216839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170576445095075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309187781209192,0.4272093261060971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6817441162439191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620438461484226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985168739642531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758175516448388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quirkicat,2019/01/04,"I feel cold I've just realized, even if I achieved material success, I wouldn't be happy for long. Living for buying things to get that short living blast of endorphins is not a happiness.
TBH I don't even know what it is.
I feel surreal like I am dreaming a very idiotic dream. ",2.6735714285714285,4.656889214285716,4.792285714285715,80.65271428571431,76.5,8.765714285714285,27.271428571428572,9.3871,2.586032857142857,220,9,44,6,5,76,43,56,0.171,0.6809999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.3262,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,4,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644403673068464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789926285545915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441391135602463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.587371820400914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161979928358765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347840251543936,0.0,0.4872250057796535,0.24415053904175305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832864826166648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276349463010172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onlyhalfdeadd,2019/01/04,I just tried to kill myself and I don’t know what to do next I’m tempted to try again but I don’t have access to most things due to prior hospitalization. I can’t just continue on like nothing happened and I’m at a loss. Should I try again? Should I tell my mom? Should I pretend nothing happened?? I don’t know what to do,-0.5178253968253976,1.6465786142857155,1.7719047619047643,96.21198412698416,91.42857142857142,4.253968253968254,19.206349206349206,5.82211442006289,-0.2955555555555556,253,8,59,2,9,85,38,70,0.134,0.815,0.052000000000000005,-0.6261,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,16,3,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,8,13,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247435423322625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26570030169444503,0.0,0.2639701624306224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732953473481375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812712660507532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541177366361084,0.0,0.0,0.4608779897516968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990951249658868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955093865137324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891564989053557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bardzo1,2019/01/04,"This is vent do not comment I has no friends. I can't speak properly. I am hyper mobile. I am scared, I can't stop it, I don't what to be but I am always scared, and alone. I am scared about going outside, people, ",-1.9386018237082079,-0.06580291489361477,1.0881458966565385,99.22000000000004,99.42553191489357,3.5367781155015194,15.224924012158056,5.288315135182226,-0.9502437689969608,161,4,39,1,7,56,31,47,0.264,0.629,0.107,-0.8486,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,12,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,2,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885224820237265,0.0,0.0,0.231798962362216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522843957698032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158322126440525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931307006164245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8367146263585594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329034306495765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JD0GE13,2019/01/04,"Lonely I don't even know what to say but here goes...

i am 19m, unattractive uni student with very few friends. ive had depression and anxiety since highschool and on antidepressants which dont seem to be working that well. ive had 0 luck with girls (or guys for that matter). i am disconnected from my father, havent gotten over stuff from past with him and just barely tolerate being in the same room as him.

i just feel super lonely. i rarely get messages from anyone wanting to just chat with me, only when i ask something.

i did ok in my gcses (2a*, 4a, 3b, 2c, d, f, u), got to college and did kinda meh in my a levels (a*, 2b, c) and then failed my first year at uni. switched course and now half way through and im falling behind and losing all motivation to continue.

 ive considered suicide before but never had the balls to follow through with anything. now, lying in bed the night before going back to uni (i live 4 hrs away) and im feeling the worst and most loneliest ive been yet.",2.562302941176469,4.292304295000001,3.9252352941176447,87.87482352941177,76.05,6.305882352941178,24.264705882352942,7.048011613610866,0.9040088235294116,769,25,158,8,17,253,134,200,0.208,0.688,0.104,-0.9777,0,4,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,6,11,11,0,0,6,1,17,0,0,1,2,34,28,16,1,1,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,5,15,0,0,5,2,0,3,4,6,1,2,8,3,19,5,28,18,5,26,0,5,0,0,10,10,0,5,12,104,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371933049187112,0.0,0.0,0.12222222162894712,0.0,0.1438431491313262,0.0,0.16341172614994978,0.0,0.16422766311004225,0.13440820789282887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974789763984326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055251698320835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486094140643166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545185968428187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676536791388842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868235446710354,0.0,0.0,0.135047833562162,0.0,0.09132428900096604,0.0,0.0993412405106448,0.0,0.1398012375692523,0.0,0.0,0.17307664606765574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37762180413517615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606393452846736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434907339609974,0.0,0.0,0.19555328365125615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481432707661406,0.0,0.0,0.16403527092160805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294109848191174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686364488627506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900569827894588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912874756537235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459399708690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456737500019952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010090071100364,0.19119969590734245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422594332123734,0.1030998795676789,0.1387458303084696,0.0,0.0,0.15716361742997476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725439672970287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256362454443264
suicidewatch,UmAyd,2019/01/04,"I have decided to kill myself in a few days Life is meaningless I can’t find motivation to live fuck it 

",1.8395454545454548,3.6925175000000046,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,78.54545454545455,9.854545454545457,24.63636363636364,10.125756701596842,2.696018181818182,83,3,18,3,2,30,20,22,0.404,0.509,0.087,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004139021684326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257489697034236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43064098882126006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153583058227599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290208412576837,0.0,0.0,0.4113255931315689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guiltg,2019/01/04,"I don't hate life but I hate myself I'm 18 and a few weeks ago I got blackout drunk at a club and according to my friend I was being a creep and grinding on random girls from behind with some pushing me away and some grinding back. I couldn't remember any of this but I do remember a few months ago when I approached a girl from behind and moved my hands from her hip, to her waist and then her butt. I got no reaction from her so I thought this was ok but when I got sober I realised she may not have wanted this.

However I'm not like this most times I go out and I really don't want to act like a creep or a sexual predator. However I'm disgusted with myself for the times I have. I wonder what people would think of me if they knew. I don't approach girls I like at college because I don't feel they don't deserve a creep like me and they wouldn't like me if they knew what id done. I really hate myself because of it. I feel like I've ruined my self-worth completely and can never get it back

For the first time in a while I wish I was dead however I could never do it myself because I'm way too much of a pussy and I would hurt a lot of people. I'm just tired of hating myself and I can't change the past so I'm not sure how I'm meant to not hate myself. I enjoy life and living but I truly hate myself. I'm going to drink less in the future and not make the same mistakes but I can't undo the past and continue to hate myself for it.",1.344646732577765,2.560709470219436,3.4363793103448286,92.27828249336872,78.12225705329153,6.537786351579458,20.10622136484205,7.1686216300943375,0.2547225946467324,1127,25,266,13,26,385,138,319,0.185,0.705,0.111,-0.9729,3,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,1,10,21,8,0,17,1,23,9,4,2,3,63,56,29,1,12,14,0,3,6,1,4,3,0,0,3,10,17,3,0,10,3,0,7,17,11,0,1,11,3,52,10,30,38,9,35,0,2,0,1,13,7,1,10,26,183,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300658304037005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062525443508253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863849266505674,0.1413993594036138,0.0,0.1681456236885507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726513719134038,0.0,0.0964021061073264,0.0,0.0,0.07341023758144996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409119199235456,0.0,0.09007065043959678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297984914618253,0.06568520131461862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820798300142784,0.0,0.0,0.071036127383536,0.0,0.048037229887863325,0.0,0.10450840756515248,0.0,0.2206093557755789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354334199007315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842853705766301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988630250404165,0.2695167623122752,0.0,0.08118871773125658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781679641852793,0.0,0.0,0.061373697744135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338925861154379,0.0977225004238161,0.06758981984503014,0.0,0.14182660260050645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554294387649694,0.12748554120100794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780405979470535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831049191914766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591821278820133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866566455372124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891435187371258,0.0,0.07299369841936032,0.16084081075215304,0.10567672888085916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846254967615952,0.07298130014940413,0.07375236798418458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573168914066068,0.0,0.09970993695355826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062953349077222,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Total_Pangolin,2019/01/04,"Got a shot at my dream job, it is the one thing pulling me away from suicide. I have struggled with depression my entire life. Just as my life seems to be crumbling around me, I have been accepted at my dream job. I want to divert all of my pain and suffering into energy into this job.  This is the one thing I have ever loved doing in this life. I don't drink or do drugs but I am eradicating all of the addictions (porn basically) I have in my life so that there is nothing that fucks this up for me. ",2.0102777777777803,3.6881995576923146,3.666666666666668,89.35611111111113,77.46153846153845,7.314529914529915,22.132478632478627,8.167268648758528,0.9958388888888892,390,11,87,7,9,130,65,104,0.103,0.775,0.122,0.008,3,0,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,4,0,13,11,0,0,3,14,18,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,0,2,2,0,16,2,17,15,2,11,0,2,0,3,1,9,1,2,1,70,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842595346512965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046590965791645,0.0,0.0,0.15880225519690502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557887976816672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557775727145474,0.19601250379146565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528905785803132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625862938217416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518277849718735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031864185150804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775425194319765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254945582563875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218170099713214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906811649908454,0.0,0.17985191650657947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387178689322115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669907420984868,0.0,0.1848832427378782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245821514723227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969388272246303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hatemylife54321,2019/01/04,"Why even try? I fell in love with the person I thought she was, and found out 4 years later, that it was a lie. Just icing on the cake of this shit. 

I feel like tonight is the night. I hate everything about myself. I’m fat, I’m dumb, shit job. What’s left to even try?

My mom is the best thing going for me in my life, and I feel bad for leaving her, but I can’t take this shit anymore. I love her so much, but I want peace.

As much as I wish, there will never be an undo button in my life.",-0.7157272727272712,0.8577890636363641,1.3972727272727283,102.85590909090912,85.63636363636363,4.363636363636363,14.545454545454547,4.851557810540192,-1.3805454545454547,367,5,99,1,11,122,76,110,0.145,0.6659999999999999,0.189,0.7492,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,5,0,6,0,7,8,4,0,1,15,20,7,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,4,2,17,4,13,14,3,13,0,0,0,2,7,6,4,0,6,62,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723779535560053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238161622605385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638717237053424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943995964797651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249342826654082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033406315101922,0.11326728653977244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738405635941544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010693054588363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653410467842974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733520860111358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788027491106375,0.17226372315390667,0.0,0.223975397028168,0.07745892969578767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286192944457549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856904254475485,0.0,0.0,0.23310320554212274,0.0,0.12228260029811915,0.0,0.0,0.14878729808517674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384386870412427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882441604976206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119208957686306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533277037044812,0.0,0.0,0.1258700283928851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152884406277009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935161836085422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306562138418288,0.0,0.1823232827264555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210022188852452
suicidewatch,--dark--phoenix--,2019/01/04,"Feel like i'm hanging on a thread. I'm really trying to keep going but I just can't love the person I am today.   
I seem to ruin my relationships and now I just don't know how to fix anything and I'd just rather die honestly.   


I don't know why I posted, sorry for wasting space. ",0.33136612021857914,2.1094277377049195,3.4635245901639347,88.33878415300549,83.09836065573771,6.033879781420765,18.36338797814207,7.1686216300943375,0.2665060109289619,216,5,48,3,6,78,43,61,0.301,0.613,0.086,-0.9464,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,13,13,4,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,5,13,0,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486200823154545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28359104123253465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381637424338364,0.19521032394620236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552946454268899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428777390351465,0.0,0.0,0.3003428299108417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349646857772424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466193863444337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23859193390775305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616985959309173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505136784580586,0.0,0.0,0.2933689443953047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487571355397117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058817391308731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590096724585059,0.0,0.0,0.18551925944676506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24656621650563276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CadenLucianArcher,2019/01/04,"I want attention so bad I fucking hate being a joke everywhere I go, I do everything my social anxiety allows me to do in order to get attention but since I always try extremely hard to be different(or maybe I am shamelessly being myself idk), I end up being a clown/weirdo. 

 I am gonna be honest, I am terribly lonely and desperate need of a partner but guess who ignores weirdos like me? Well, all the girls that I wanna impress. 

I am 1 month away from being 20 years old and only relationship I had was with an abusive asshole that tricked me into a relationship with just 2 dates because I am naive as fuck.  
  
And what I just told is only one of my problems, I go through hell in my mind. Everyday is filled with stress, everything is a chore, I enjoy fucking nothing.  
  
I thought University was going to help so I didn't killed myself. University sucked(still sucks) and I thought getting professional help was going to help so I didn't killed myself. After multiple meetings with therapists/psychologists and anti depressants, I still feel like shit.  

I got nothing left, I am going to do it.",3.7675133485888637,6.139062415458941,5.304357996440377,76.43771167048058,74.60386473429952,8.415865751334861,30.218408339689802,9.134995656068208,3.0463584541062807,868,40,150,21,19,292,124,207,0.269,0.55,0.182,-0.9684,1,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,7,24,10,1,7,0,24,4,1,1,1,28,45,11,2,4,4,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,10,0,1,5,1,0,6,2,17,1,1,10,2,32,7,22,28,1,21,1,2,0,3,11,6,6,1,10,106,37,1,0.0,0.1434593143272715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074777738803696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262542533045416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375810132042892,0.0,0.10109625868883257,0.073808890963592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428552752130194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724042835287884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763675193229254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061221393071936775,0.0864991622511504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358079198196769,0.1265179997626449,0.0,0.34406112494381585,0.0,0.0968382734489016,0.0,0.13338263237725762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846337841274098,0.11954086066733507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434709500990813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679128789138772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155314472766888,0.0,0.0,0.11830657786974914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164055214720948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225569891722135,0.0,0.09664443833741823,0.0,0.0,0.08977885616413661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323579391423005,0.0,0.12705248414198184,0.0,0.08204654894123489,0.1841727107889375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585665335675635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259987969977362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242862852615758,0.1001581478993369,0.0,0.0,0.12342522138460392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966941816753648,0.0,0.1386960671832942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922470704670763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156965751033985,0.0,0.08220497870810066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141577931438556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886494015021364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797117710516385
suicidewatch,NarrowInterest,2019/01/04,"18,trans,lonely and ready to fucking die im done with life, my life at its current point is shit and if i ever manage to come out itll get even shittier. i genuinely dont see a point in living, none at all. i know ill hurt the few people who still like me for some weird reason, but i cant fucking help it. life is way too overwhelming for me. im way too overly sensitive to everything and im a complete fuck up. im failing school, theres no way i can finish this year and i just dont know what to do anymore, and neither do the people around me. i want to hang myself, i dont have a plan but i think ill do it some time this year...",0.02135714285714485,1.7779475642857143,2.4699999999999998,95.165,84.07142857142857,5.428571428571429,19.285714285714285,6.5431188927421005,-0.04035714285714277,489,13,117,5,14,168,85,140,0.218,0.746,0.036000000000000004,-0.9755,1,2,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,4,1,5,0,13,9,1,1,2,22,23,8,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,1,14,1,15,21,6,21,0,3,1,3,2,9,4,3,8,76,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115722140790812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387616147141401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005155109638843,0.12234409047489266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211026746274768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941130511388552,0.410268854828432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707065735306319,0.10555006422500264,0.0,0.0,0.10487074389674576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236257299857537,0.060964136955897065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821283071430728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124915837727521,0.0,0.5041678974272944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825623774752548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472584187213531,0.05700736993602395,0.0,0.10303675125722682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179213522132185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206138469825336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997366140401787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180934649709546,0.09298442467182598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977751988873203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318638210459322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476831250846884,0.0,0.0,0.06804112308780427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882501081430792,0.2778621074475287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028519352406625
suicidewatch,IntroversiaI,2019/01/04,"My sister just ran away My younger sister that’s 16, ran away tonight. I was left alone with her and while I was in my room, I think she went out and left. My mum is having a breakdown and so is my youngest sister. I’m a 21 year old male and been suicidal for years now. I’m not gonna say this is suicidal (I hope not) but I could never imagine her doing this. I feel sick to my stomach. My youngest sister said, a friend was messaged by my run away sister, that she’s “I’m in a safe place, no need to worry about me.” 

Literally panicking so hard ",0.3526923076923083,2.2717606153846184,2.2313034188034173,96.43105769230768,83.87179487179488,5.267521367521368,20.006410256410245,6.42735559955562,-0.04787692307692293,420,12,100,4,12,139,71,117,0.193,0.726,0.081,-0.9209,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,10,2,1,0,1,18,22,8,2,3,4,6,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,8,4,19,3,12,12,0,21,0,0,0,0,15,10,0,1,7,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711063532616484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092117507839179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442433576231167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913477879516171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957848201997705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183705065516935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943744724904925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39257808965016827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395807419448574,0.13933714174864573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895736571444991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887526199410544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185027937459751,0.14366912705024215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952283070893394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576047437559883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674748468144072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347033252637104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326799242928487
suicidewatch,isavvi,2019/01/04,"Isolation and Detachment from Humans I never felt truly human. Since a young age I have done many things independently and even taught myself to read and write in English at the age of 5 when predominantly spoke another language at home (First generation US citizen). Also had extremely vivid lucid dreams where this current reality looks/feels dull in comparison to the places.

Needless to say as a child I didn’t attempt to make any friends within my age range because their interests never aligned with mine noticing  I was a step ahead of everyone else. As I got older, I started to become hypersensitive to people, whenever they would communicate I would observe EVERY single detail to where they place their hands, to tone of voice, my direct eye contact would always make them look away and any attempt to make an empathic connection would be hindered by this over detailing. I will become overwhelmed with so much personal information of the other person that my mind shuts off. 

Because of this hypersensitivity, psychotherapy never helped as I can easily sense the falsehood of concern in their voices, it would always upset me how they do not notice how their choice of worlds will always reveals their inner personality/ thought process and when I bring this up they will quickly change tone and deflect the attention to my insecurities further confirming my innate feeling that they truly do not care about the actual person. Antidepressants would either fall into 2 categories. No difference or dissociation to reality. By the age of 25 I gave up modern medicine and help.

The irony lies in where physically I should have no problem making friends or building connections with others. I am fully aware of my physical beauty and have amassed a sizeable following on various social media platforms where I consistently receive likes and comments, all of which neither thrill me like it does my peers and only held them to communicate to specific groups. My last selfie was over 9months ago as I no longer relate to the growing phenomenon as its honestly pedantic and narcissistic. On the outside I am a loving mother/wife and have everything I could ever need. 

To wrap it up, this compilation of inner isolation and daily loneliness has compounded into apathy towards the human condition where unfortunately the people whose words have resonated most deeply are dead (Jung, Nietzsche, Hesse, Rumi,McKenna) and I am forever an alien trapped in a primitive decaying flesh suit that happens to appeal to current aesthetics (doesn’t really have benefits except gaining an advantage to persuading the opposite sex). I often daydream about going to a shooting range and using a gun to end it. I have attempted suicide a few times before however I have had someone find me midway thru and call for help leading to weeks of hell and shame. I finally came out here using a throwaway account to see if anyone else perhaps have gone through this dark life of loneliness as I am starting to renounce my presence in this world.

TLDR: Young bright female cannot find any living kinship towards others throughout life and current events makes me hate the human race where I no longer want to be a part of it. Prove me wrong

",11.848125000000005,10.440136848214287,10.888142857142858,56.89685714285717,55.51785714285714,13.745714285714286,44.54285714285713,12.481268711053069,5.855887142857143,2625,124,377,67,25,842,330,560,0.139,0.78,0.081,-0.9866,4,3,0,2,0,1,41.0,1,0,12,8,19,22,2,4,28,0,39,7,3,11,6,74,69,33,2,12,7,0,3,2,2,10,2,6,1,10,22,25,0,1,9,2,1,10,13,10,0,1,15,14,53,12,80,41,9,78,1,2,5,2,41,38,1,5,32,279,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.08175990105417769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426837347956619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700105363951775,0.20914193756738325,0.0,0.0,0.17092547689180398,0.08785354309257258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858286322652049,0.08584535236583624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871667359471454,0.0,0.0,0.10214640207476064,0.1850629815433633,0.07129296929334837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555157914438635,0.0958251728147272,0.08542212133774751,0.0,0.08863106508623261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689372711496637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753516597667113,0.0,0.0,0.07331886962792643,0.08573886597322407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997951285481502,0.0,0.07420666921147857,0.0,0.0,0.055337731674236335,0.07578631521882899,0.07059060013345407,0.08005803044116996,0.07529855441157751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472617527050677,0.0,0.0804446013831082,0.09177993301943167,0.15315187411832587,0.07126558427637378,0.0,0.0,0.1294607258347574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761568091321328,0.0,0.06700873761141073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408882984444773,0.0,0.0,0.08271814315779216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847348088872052,0.0,0.08404095297685672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682941426806383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835650124462825,0.08186406212994984,0.0,0.07398172390741689,0.0,0.07035642844781137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756172241155437,0.0,0.27962825923138435,0.08494258202848523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459671737710682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158997863815228,0.062123864888293835,0.1938553197326474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907744857097564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637205745874341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072857904954017,0.0,0.11616885171829175,0.29262354441619115,0.17507033195334226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016879905872704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380544623515092,0.0,0.05367339003772337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662742422327061,0.0,0.0,0.06676402302890487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930597596592797,0.0,0.0,0.08540598649515692,0.0709888720391388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186037565180935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164475563451302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566155181714985,0.0,0.0,0.0665141634742602,0.04885440894837456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078036053161807,0.14472283171203867,0.0,0.0,0.04941725050392621,0.0,0.06720548714397964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571012703831036,0.0916033103020731,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lepi99,2019/01/04,"Loosing a good friend I am 19 years old and I've wanted to commit suicide for a long time, but somehow I never made it and every day I eat everything of pain.



I can never remember having a real boyfriend and being alone all the time (except for my parents I love them).  One day I came into a class and found a really good friend.  I could say that I have closed my best friend in my heart, I even love him as he is.



But whenever he isn't there or absent, doesn't talk to me or does anything alone, it hurts strangely.



A few weeks ago he found a girlfriend and has hardly any time for me ( it's clear if you have found a girlfriend I grant it to him )



I cry almost every night out of pain that don't go away, that squeeze into my brain.  It simply hurts to see that my friend can have fun with his girlfriend.



I never had a girlfriend, I never had my first kiss, I never had my first time.  Every time I talk to a girl I get repelled, not unfriendly but I just can‘t get it right.



The other day when I had an appointment with my best friend to swim, he brought his girlfriend with him.  I sat in a cabin almost all the time and cried quietly in front of me.  I hate to lose people who are close to me.  It's like someone is tearing all my joy of living out of my body.

I don't know how to help myself

Every night I am at a bridge and look at the river which is reflected by the moon and the trees.  Every time I am thinking whether I should jump down or not.  Even the drivers, pedestrians ignore my wines at the bridge

I dont know how to help myself. ",2.3738153846153844,3.5249193661538456,3.640000000000001,92.12000000000002,75.33846153846154,6.307692307692308,21.615384615384613,6.55674776486733,0.24530769230769245,1194,28,269,9,25,390,156,325,0.125,0.654,0.22,0.9904,1,2,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,1,5,8,22,1,0,21,0,27,10,3,3,10,59,46,20,1,4,12,1,2,1,10,1,2,2,0,1,14,18,2,1,8,2,0,6,13,7,0,3,11,6,49,15,36,32,6,46,0,3,2,3,31,15,0,7,26,187,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058777687006594,0.0,0.15947720993625394,0.16494670013517748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415158054039355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552924952550156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481562785519047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713493305760438,0.0,0.0,0.08845171359102856,0.0,0.08889415378762869,0.0,0.09107626302119713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357860368246089,0.0,0.1749410852017052,0.15406556715705286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968532858856083,0.0,0.093326542338106,0.0,0.0,0.08148204663424649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519060194555888,0.0,0.33546133420541746,0.0,0.07156690403224378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546760015687193,0.0,0.26193273085651564,0.30761225810253245,0.0,0.08320746810429824,0.0,0.04525594007714345,0.13358084179947385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133343173851886,0.07861879234415826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436271740382704,0.10674950785763716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049254040869338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752585818835436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890351895814717,0.0,0.07031533309500007,0.07047062968606609,0.06686970025020504,0.08908634159708904,0.0,0.0,0.1437395621669388,0.0753484573956786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30708037650616515,0.0,0.0,0.14945596316709614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355898403111782,0.0,0.05395979715853222,0.0,0.16946527664502944,0.0,0.08842042605441675,0.0,0.0,0.05520587431875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063712627234533,0.05101344088120142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020601652413536,0.0680041499126786,0.0,0.0633254982458103,0.0,0.0,0.06345532747945415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747080116323105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710301921208184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800821887800468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102411260870675,0.0,0.0,0.3250329540663682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696822737154782,0.0,0.06387491348882883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127953527722513
suicidewatch,MaffeW_T,2019/01/04,"Why am I still alive? I suck at everything I do, I have no friends, no one will ever love me, every relationship I've ever had was dysfunctional, I'm in my early 20s with no job currently, I'm white, a male, straight, have a shitty boring personality, and I'm basically everything that the world hates.  Why am I still continuing?",2.890520833333333,5.128537843750003,5.532500000000002,74.39583333333336,76.8125,9.266666666666666,26.291666666666664,9.725611199111238,2.7990916666666674,258,10,50,8,6,92,45,64,0.258,0.58,0.163,-0.7059,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,4,14,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,7,2,3,11,0,11,0,0,1,1,5,4,1,0,7,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176092097871489,0.19448949757626088,0.0,0.41492147645833777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834351511290936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790300794703025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290693607621747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833872921522065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642061794599513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015573108349238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478317458026877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36869225688641705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165876249683395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway72727252,2019/01/04,"bf told me to kill myself im already suicidal and have panic attacks frequently. he knows this. 
i broke up with him because he gives me no attention and after two hours of fighting he tells me he hopes i kill myself. he told me to go get my dad’s meds and take them.
he knows thats how i planned to do it if i was to do it.
i was really suicidal last night but right now i dont even feel anything, i might though. i dont have anything anymore.",1.4965624999999996,2.864303864583338,3.4712500000000013,91.54875,78.0625,6.883333333333333,24.5,7.6454224807358475,1.0354625000000004,345,12,80,5,8,117,62,96,0.217,0.763,0.02,-0.942,0,0,0,0,2,2,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,4,1,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,19,7,4,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,4,1,17,1,8,14,0,9,0,1,0,0,15,2,0,3,6,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710672756917625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373715217177367,0.0,0.0,0.255134789041376,0.0,0.0,0.1763564447597055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944981183761472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633621300992837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023885601881922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838224330613855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099100773768042,0.14870831064449533,0.08810084663000549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539688038856161,0.15266244810653332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744707675909404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34301101961532393,0.0,0.170388731186833,0.12636114142736074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219111656858666,0.0,0.0,0.1644506177144405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547479144703696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188134730808825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993091144164176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238534370180216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33913116039720625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165549645784027,0.0,0.13549340262174753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230533982688044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962545164166949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143099749271288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sl4000,2019/01/04,Fuck I need to poop I just pooped an hour ago what the fuck is wrong with me fuck i want to die,-3.6058695652173895,-2.2842821304347805,-1.5474999999999994,116.39875,109.43478260869566,2.3000000000000003,5.75,3.1291,-3.1836,73,0,23,0,4,23,18,23,0.534,0.4270000000000001,0.04,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954937411986586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921720025055899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7807786069393522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27723924791164783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874257607171434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660470447406847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077965449112691,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sharkdude7657,2019/01/04,Not making others happy. I'm failing. I'm 30. I work for my dads company and I hate it sooooo much. I was kind of force to since ive been unemployed for the past 2 years. I have sent out a combined 232 applications during the time. I have a college degree in biology.  I have been suffering from depression since I was 15 and havent told anyone. I dont know what to do. I contemplate suicide every year but i think this will be the year. I am such a failure. ,0.036249999999999005,2.3052334583333334,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,89.41666666666666,6.116666666666667,20.5,7.492282038375204,0.8719750000000004,356,12,77,7,12,124,66,96,0.208,0.792,0.0,-0.9442,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,6,0,14,0,0,1,0,8,22,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,0,13,2,8,14,1,8,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,50,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227993123131534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989533635633155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720030698210164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955424693214436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470598683505889,0.0,0.22913688140035784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24168186024834196,0.1275483989844045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549192107696737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060991811361093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215523532157596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38396788392474734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253864420804664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871134102644953,0.0,0.0,0.1353312161243039,0.0,0.0,0.22176812396950601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896137604888503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44836733468176
suicidewatch,AboveBison,2019/01/04,"I tried. I gave it a year. I told myself that since I was going to be dead, I might as well say fuck it and try to make life worth living. Quit a toxic job, started studying something that I was interested in and has future potential, tried to develop myself. The shitty thing is, the more I tried to be a better person and to enjoy my life, the harder I was shoved in the dirt. I went from one negative extreme to another in a year and the only thing that got better was the \*potential\* of the future. Everyday was just as nagging, everything I've done just hasn't been good enough and now things have piled more than I can handle and the foreseeable future has turned back into the shit show it was before this whole year. So I'm done. I tried. ",3.788581818181818,5.00008004,4.83218181818182,84.70609090909092,71.93333333333334,7.854545454545455,22.96969696969697,8.296473431620573,1.204133333333333,586,14,118,9,11,192,88,150,0.141,0.736,0.123,-0.6002,1,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,3,0,13,0,18,4,1,1,0,11,28,9,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,1,1,13,1,14,6,15,12,4,16,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,1,10,88,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815347271388382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864225355868476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022623799889545,0.0,0.0,0.2499166652044718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28917469445935884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459889482328743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698113170752345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061908376062545,0.0,0.0,0.08029759796364032,0.11850621942859693,0.11300144342321065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020718771842405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959270918851815,0.0,0.0,0.12476046985030732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431127354855692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988493404113418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574084840685272,0.10745638793992522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336780275731808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027787490066422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235840842818802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503077277268697,0.1168754344757358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877090844894977,0.0,0.0,0.10000483638179553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815977105100405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350073635162918,0.0,0.4796286075614166,0.15368148329678574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703546786846515,0.13097599760065967,0.0,0.1577437362801939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27295578218686994
suicidewatch,Illustrious_Specific,2019/01/04,"Debt Suicide I just don't see any other way out.

I need over $25k, I have no job, and I'm tired of being a burden to my family. (spouse and dog)

No, I can't get a personal loan (I tried)

No, I don't have anything I can sell (I've even tried pron)

I have nothing, and my spouse will be shattered when he finds out. 

I can't do that to him again.  I've already ruined our lives financially once

​",-0.5985227272727229,1.3496671022727291,1.9215454545454562,96.95981818181819,88.20454545454545,4.883636363636365,17.89090909090909,6.2581,-0.351821818181818,307,8,75,3,10,105,58,88,0.29600000000000004,0.7040000000000001,0.0,-0.9738,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,0,0,8,16,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,1,13,0,6,13,0,6,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,2,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24878206910966685,0.0,0.0,0.24426750688167714,0.273938044967524,0.1533090401671487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552046398967792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890304269926885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21252769269015248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060509110272348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778471600005393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237174923429788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907038941895047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716320359065176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631873665073767,0.0,0.0,0.2400895460159897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684822096395047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964896411676387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24659816274621946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591136817860405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061221356356891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789462408943791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273938044967524,0.0
suicidewatch,HydraTheHusky,2019/01/04,"Last night I thought about killing myself. I took 4 ibuprofen and was planning on taking enough to reach the OD amount, but my friends (who I was calling on Discord at the time) were able to stop me. Does this count as a suicide attempt? I need to know so that I'm not calling it one unless it actually was.",4.55225806451613,5.051052774193551,4.729193548387098,88.76379032258066,69.64516129032258,6.845161290322581,33.24193548387097,5.985473137389443,1.6399870967741932,240,11,51,1,4,75,50,62,0.201,0.723,0.077,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,10,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,7,1,9,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,34,12,0,0.2404311583724463,0.0,0.23462612795995175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910141890266166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040292692871226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484296578985873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575651654327652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660014538993817,0.0,0.1321346768234955,0.19598348399277926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782766574410232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256283548791994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292237532045573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010112141939775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629926637033652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807743090692295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087548332671944,0.14019734194313144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671278635613921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ichoro,2019/01/04,"I’m being bullied at school and I don’t know how to deal with it As the title says, I’m being bullied. So here’s the deal;
About a month or so ago I got high and tuned back in to me sending nudes to this person who asked for nudes. I read through the chat history and I was disgusted with myself because of the things said and sent. After this the account revealed itself to be a group of people cat fishing me. They proceeded to call me ugly and make fun of my penis. I’m so ashamed of myself. The next day they proceeded to airdrop the pictures to everyone during lunch. After that I left school early. Then throughout the month they constantly made fun of me and messaged me about it. On the 20th of December I had a failed suicide attempt and woke up feeling like hell in a hospital. This suicide attempt is mainly because of the bullying but also includes some other stuff that is equally as mentally taxing on me. Yesterday is what truly drove me mad. One of the people who keeps torturing me uploaded it to their Instagram story. I know it’s mine because i compared pictures to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I left early yesterday because I was so close to jumping out of my school window right then and there. Then today while I was on the elevator with other people in it, they brought it up loudly so that they heard. After that I couldn’t function so I went to the school social worker and told  her what was going on (I told her that I did something shameful and that I would not like to talk about what I did) she had a talk with me and called my mom to pick me up. I couldn’t handle this shit and especially today. So now I’m covered in tears planning my suicide as I type this.


Tl;dr a group of people got my dick pic and started torturing me about it by spreading it around the school and on social media. They also make fun of me whenever they get a chance.


I need actual help. My depression meds aren’t working and my therapist is only helping slightly. I’ve turned to drugs to experience some slight illusion of happiness",4.19488888888889,5.570504081481482,5.204382716049384,81.79472222222225,71.14814814814815,7.869135802469136,28.808641975308642,8.344100000000001,2.0995827160493823,1623,62,305,25,30,533,193,405,0.156,0.763,0.081,-0.989,1,0,2,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,8,6,19,17,6,2,21,0,21,6,4,6,1,43,51,34,3,4,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,4,1,1,30,22,1,1,4,2,2,7,6,10,0,1,21,6,54,7,59,24,4,51,1,2,1,3,37,20,3,3,26,226,84,11,0.0,0.0,0.08586931183756147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800124559543464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073731240463516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833318912409495,0.08226237864125274,0.0,0.0,0.06766184502589627,0.0,0.21456095567019706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970313400641674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509009977079697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674875865896725,0.18143560695937005,0.07578898068858156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204493871796047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408190191544446,0.0,0.0860748775169924,0.0,0.0,0.044492338366982936,0.06286282951478403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045973158829783096,0.0,0.05000893714371262,0.0,0.14075345277100354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367109774871543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796085595559225,0.09297034184609984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821298378722169,0.0,0.0,0.09671824589500824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121116769056734,0.0,0.0,0.08597870825049117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326191574748174,0.17620974987205396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774133909686364,0.0,0.08867711217396583,0.0,0.0,0.10305734262768014,0.14047171539343736,0.0,0.0,0.06524633051002036,0.0,0.0,0.09358246592044216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962691526877345,0.0669232939273156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401544584549675,0.07683284245242646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801767007623422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514627367584703,0.0837023090525728,0.06997624744886091,0.0,0.4452724087439052,0.07011971197470314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032443041169848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939731317158833,0.0,0.0677419706396588,0.0,0.0,0.062282505373934725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073191470751354,0.2887529949911189,0.0,0.08293316950703299,0.0,0.0,0.1414522593241159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216765090252504,0.11691841816643693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681577647426327,0.1681638038308889,0.0,0.0,0.09571204909294473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157118765012558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406057639913272,0.0,0.0,0.06250831183491108,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kihitsu,2019/01/04,My time is up No words needed. I want the darkness to end. I want to make everyone happy. Goodnight.,-0.7964999999999982,0.9191663500000048,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,110.5,4.0,20.0,5.985473137389443,0.4215000000000004,77,3,15,1,4,26,17,20,0.179,0.5529999999999999,0.268,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756996826153545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40532443979988536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515500286687073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831450309246994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31452585824672563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473441556035492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003875130721184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vikinglicious,2019/01/04,"Sister failed suicide earlier today I talked to my sister 2 days ago if she wanted to follow me to the gym (she usually does) but she told me she didn't feel to well. Asked her yesterday as well but she told me she probably were sick with headaches etc. I know she had a cold last weekend so I assumed it gotten a bit worse but she told me she had painkillers etc and drank lots of tea.

She gave me a call this afternoon telling me that she could hardly breath and was throwing up all over the place. I drove to her apartment to find vomit all over the floor and her in a corner sobbing.

I asked her what happened and looked into the restroom to find two used one-time grills on the floor. She had attempted charcoal burning suicide combined with getting drunk. I slowly realized what had happened and asked how long she had been inside to which she responded sometime during the night. It was now afternoon. 

I called to hospital and drove her there as fast as possible. They got her to breath through oxygen masks etc. She's now talking to mental health are and I don't know what to do. The doctors said that they have no way of knowing how long she was exposed and how bad brain damage she might have gotten.

She have admitted she attempted suicide and really embarrassed she failed. I'm in such a shock and have no idea what to do with myself.",4.0121709216005765,5.7808976768060845,4.14523628462792,87.6495690747782,72.2319391634981,7.290892630816586,26.972478725330443,7.957251820313856,1.5855588991490128,1071,38,210,15,21,331,142,263,0.222,0.773,0.005,-0.9965,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,4,10,9,0,1,12,0,21,10,3,4,2,38,48,21,3,3,4,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,10,14,3,0,10,3,0,4,4,7,2,1,22,5,44,2,29,24,7,32,0,4,1,0,45,12,1,4,15,149,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369890900684888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296452770932859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825719159492111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153997785166553,0.0,0.0,0.1179989737078692,0.2158681886805449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439486360636027,0.0,0.0,0.0681693828508479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819101139686994,0.0925009902854846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35365876338487895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534463716870935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322038230970032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055225205611349616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453996383592348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694478418673896,0.0,0.09468869861020032,0.0,0.0,0.11235683918726867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932528242965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742740270153229,0.08616166425799661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870868133661306,0.08876349754706997,0.0,0.0,0.0898645051854524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652328179057784,0.11213367298266357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991946574482876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162676525841136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043663900898762,0.0,0.0,0.11916371270438855,0.0,0.0,0.11396519783697867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771574296853883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005473051066148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454249815687168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468642121878051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991936826197634,0.0923886642206347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001936324314523,0.3030098718253983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325600589577684,0.0,0.0,0.09129304173822214,0.11641639565963012,0.0,0.062346086784975926,0.08390174279289056,0.0,0.0,0.19007852526729305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771990146267636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seraph_Grymm,2019/01/04,"It's not about wanting to die, it's about not wanting to live. I dunno. Things get better, then worse, then better. I know it comes in waves, but I can't find any motivation to change anything. I just feel so exhausted all the time. The logic part of me knows it'll pass if I wanted it to, but I simply dont. I just don't want to exist anymore, I find joy in almost nothing and looking forward just fatigues me. I swear if one more doctor asks if I have a plan I'm going to die out of sheer frustration. 

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Whatever. ",1.5936440677966104,3.068545822033901,3.612000000000002,90.18342372881357,78.0677966101695,6.07593220338983,22.81694915254237,6.742157984588678,0.5501633898305092,429,13,95,4,10,146,74,118,0.209,0.705,0.086,-0.9415,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,7,6,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,28,21,9,2,7,10,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,8,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,0,2,13,3,13,20,3,11,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,5,4,60,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638001405096906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299095005228928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478089750020236,0.0,0.0,0.13673122900959256,0.0,0.15533229275078236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939008060736785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576972895466433,0.14312763310575866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34488486435562066,0.0,0.0,0.17006646086409472,0.0,0.0,0.1947321680853225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974366705266354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401285061943613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037249228189463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868090162718073,0.0,0.09442959215219146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27394297005238144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467177173844591,0.0,0.13952817047226232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942999539772285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259078100266035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799294381993912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913035257993946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110385854740407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688619008178877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920095834709356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499288478307332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932591876034894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SauceBeUponHim,2019/01/04,"I'm struggling with the question ""what about your loved ones?"" On the one hand I'd like to think they could understand somewhat why I did it. On the other hand they aren't going to and I know it.",1.271341463414636,3.254515097560976,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,80.95121951219512,5.0756097560975615,20.006097560975608,5.985473137389443,-0.21534634146341425,153,4,35,1,4,48,31,41,0.06,0.665,0.275,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,3,3,2,0,0,8,9,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,2,5,2,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26901205694086594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148570153803832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851685141149075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460751024729114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30409346102842105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566264493076012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774399281674359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522335281117395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589183611210896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35075714447562883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040279000822887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,world_WithinAworld,2019/01/04,"I feel like I am trying to climb through a landslide I am currently not having thoughts of self harm, but this always lasts for maybe a few hours, and again comes on the lack of motivation and a blurred finish line to i-dont-even-know-if-it's-mine-anymore life. I have done cbt, but there is this absolute evil fucking part of me that keeps me down. Idk if anyone has ever felt this way, but how do i prolong these short bursts happiness(?). Question mark because it's uncontrolled, I don't think I've ever felt true happiness, every time something goes my way, I don't know what to do and my mind goes to the absolute worst thing.",9.79696,6.3939923760000035,8.791999999999998,76.55600000000003,61.24,12.240000000000002,38.6,9.888512548439397,3.4580399999999987,497,17,103,7,5,155,88,125,0.16399999999999998,0.732,0.105,-0.8225,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,2,1,5,0,11,2,0,2,3,25,20,8,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,3,11,4,11,16,4,15,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,3,9,63,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401076114367107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699005434208458,0.11773686042972804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264432311863024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504649260182131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231361426395428,0.1973428705877756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121496000348836,0.3046229673992196,0.14186939964724668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513917998508196,0.12029239084458684,0.3233469408535314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566677752850733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35849230421866385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582270547604322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496659772949155,0.0,0.0,0.18507708174779194,0.1372540961998969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893343975104124,0.08226311523846086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916271164520866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700181820770517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823416859507042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862677808435616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565952316362413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296289663011737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186575726519138,0.10789261660329127,0.0,0.13367678447686246,0.09818510757131643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432056878671415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673081578868325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alicefb,2019/01/04,"I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going. The urge to just end it is so much worse at the moment. Nothing can take my mind off it, even the stuff that usually does. I barely feel safe and my friends and family are worried, but they don't know how bad it really is, otherwise there's no way they'd leave me alone. It's a week or so before my friends move back into our shared house after Christmas, and being by myself is nice, but it's hard not to do anything.

I tried to end it two months ago, and I'm still so mad that it didn't work and I landed myself in hospital. I saw how upset my friends and family were, and I wish they didn't care so I could just end it without feeling bad. This is the worst I've felt in so long, and I can't keep doing this.",3.5536144578313262,3.244253759036148,4.816530120481929,90.096843373494,71.65060240963855,8.085783132530121,23.828915662650605,7.554174236665415,0.7402790361445786,588,12,142,6,10,196,99,166,0.17600000000000002,0.664,0.16,-0.0337,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,3,1,14,13,1,1,5,0,17,0,0,3,1,31,30,19,0,2,8,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,3,4,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,5,5,19,8,11,22,3,21,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,12,96,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095690846201845,0.0,0.0,0.14132363841184695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228878125785137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049235500368423,0.2278642762869606,0.0,0.0,0.11611102757183205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391224181599205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089462182654965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194105025682806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36256924211031705,0.0,0.0,0.0901255895479918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572705466826363,0.0,0.13798896820261264,0.0,0.13101579891792475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162685897893589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754910048165846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223463828532395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744786490731494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425705037983654,0.0,0.0,0.07499072563537511,0.0,0.0,0.1444834956545002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075616887451535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377781270891207,0.0,0.10891508392361607,0.14502741322435667,0.20061657632403476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309298542025041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741496577174047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897114301941396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620546689312992,0.0,0.0,0.12860486670374882,0.0,0.1025952985183717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926422907407528,0.0,0.1332942654900731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028315123979438,0.0,0.0,0.10830964341390227,0.10945396506975157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691364123317855,0.13153534099083578,0.0,0.09933904537529016,0.13857413763819554,0.13905675529056807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,savannahandliam,2019/01/04,"I don't want to go back to school and I don't want to work. I just want to die. School starts Monday so I'm doing it today or tomorrow. I'm in University. I hate it. I suck at school and I've already had to drop out for a semester because of my depression. I hate it so much, I can't go back but it starts up again Monday. I have to do it either today or tomorrow. I'm pathetic, I've never had a job and I'm 21. Every time I've tried I would get a panic attack before my first shift or right after and just couldn't manage. I'm so done with fighting this, I'm so tired. I know I'm feeling this way because I ran out of pills and stopped going to therapy but I don't want to have to do all that just to be normal. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and I can't but him through this anymore. He's so great and he deserves so much better than me. I know my family members are going to be sad but at least they won't have to worry anymore. My note's ready and I know how I'm going to do it, I just need to actually go through with it this time. Thanks for reading, I just needed to tell someone.",-0.6562783751493448,1.1781334677419366,2.218835125448031,95.51445639187577,87.30645161290323,5.125686977299881,18.45937873357228,6.42735559955562,-0.17673703703703714,852,23,208,9,27,299,113,248,0.184,0.723,0.093,-0.9515,1,0,0,0,2,1,22.0,0,0,1,3,16,11,5,1,3,0,22,2,0,1,2,43,54,22,1,9,13,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,13,0,1,4,1,0,7,8,8,0,1,5,1,25,3,33,44,5,35,0,2,0,0,6,7,1,3,19,133,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.1098536878197871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422561060849932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328164781395415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806649867092867,0.0,0.17312129424878608,0.0,0.13724526107241225,0.0,0.09579017943413938,0.0,0.0,0.0995604728301406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695779372836938,0.0,0.1168315957547817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151998778766117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948464669121031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612252920853217,0.0,0.0569196066061973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575338456199692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058814038800382475,0.0,0.3838623637448337,0.0,0.0,0.1241106371040359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228238924768728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117099885436596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855992978805972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655062249074779,0.16694089820571162,0.08682219320040431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029631183529834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207857163958914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260210946456135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613557058455184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341785546930546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538159032872133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935758085322366,0.0,0.0,0.09411493666259838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839258038128876,0.10364084713931336,0.1287354878925578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128286409443307,0.12938454709409974,0.21340951546094875,0.0,0.0,0.07642875822243829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655906937154072,0.08935413279885808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195349899412673,0.11432197084882308,0.0,0.07996766746476383,0.0,0.0,0.0724924492037153
suicidewatch,Beavertailz15,2019/01/04,Hospitalization in Toronto Anyone know if there’s such a thing a free hospitalization in Toronto for depression. 19M,4.982333333333333,8.572373900000002,6.480000000000004,60.478333333333346,85.0,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,4.095666666666666,98,5,14,3,3,33,16,20,0.17600000000000002,0.667,0.157,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976522838982498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6130047623482159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911435725941775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47283619921440706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FracturedOutlook,2019/01/04,"Just Want the Pain to Stop I've been in a major depression for the last 5 years. My brain is shot, even the simplest things seem overwhelming. I can't even tell the difference between depression and anxiety at this point.

I managed to make it to work today, but it's so stressful here. I'm waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and tell me it's not working out and you need to go.

My wife just broke up with me and we're getting a divorce.

I want desperately to end it all, and I have a decent plan this time, but I just need to get over the fear of being discovered as suicidal when buying the materials I need.

Sleep is the only thing I look forward to in life. This just plain sucks.",3.6706993006992974,4.5393777832167865,4.840146853146852,85.83098951048953,71.86713286713287,8.237482517482517,28.28601398601399,8.548686976883017,1.8723236363636369,545,20,117,9,10,180,93,143,0.24,0.743,0.017,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,9,8,1,3,11,0,6,5,3,1,1,24,20,10,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,8,0,0,1,1,13,0,21,18,2,17,0,4,1,0,5,9,1,1,8,78,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626173659610015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424883609916587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284312255726846,0.0,0.0,0.1724406709712996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618408141001246,0.0,0.0,0.2180261035314242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572557500149026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246217551720486,0.0,0.09380092987563504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453664771021884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657871588361672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138599265715886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017123028531704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671443639299012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255269069743042,0.17562336020242994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560242869810164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025405777953513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516780836133907,0.0,0.13984515353734808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798803020980516,0.1890626276655203,0.0,0.0,0.18053639330309745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885195237977461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930192821502414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624117307562048,0.0,0.15644678576396476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469989550770694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403147108421713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628589494318066
suicidewatch,khamulscience,2019/01/04,awaiting patiently to go berzerk cuz humans bullied me,4.8933333333333335,7.676816666666671,5.831666666666668,61.26750000000001,104.55555555555556,6.2444444444444445,48.944444444444436,7.1686216300943375,6.338511111111113,46,4,4,1,2,15,9,9,0.339,0.6609999999999999,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway99998467791,2019/01/04,"Im Reaching the End of the Line I thought I wanted to kill myself a few months ago, I was tired with life and barely functional, but I lived from day to day and had a few big occasions as goalposts to live for that got me through the winter.

Now though I'm out of distractions, and now those suicidal thoughts really are there. I can see myself doing it and how, it's an image I can't shake that keeps permeating my thoughts. And we're into the new year, where everyone is finding positives to focus their lives on. But I have nothing. I feel like an empty husk.

And I keep trying to say to myself 'dont do it, you have this thing to maybe look forward to next week', but the truth is I don't even know how to make it through a day. Let alone a week. And so I'm scared that I'm gonna snap, and in a few days am gonna be taking my last breaths alone in a pool of blood.

Why did life have to go so wrong.",2.417824175824176,3.1519853794871837,3.7600915750915753,92.91288461538464,74.69230769230771,7.212454212454213,23.159340659340657,7.447530270364453,0.6109340659340661,699,18,169,8,14,230,121,195,0.168,0.778,0.054000000000000006,-0.9734,0,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,1,0,10,7,1,3,13,0,18,5,2,3,1,27,37,17,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,10,11,0,2,6,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,7,4,18,2,24,26,3,26,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,0,18,107,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535776536817037,0.0,0.0,0.2695634226797259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357079716531721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251849330060646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152619228695835,0.0,0.0,0.08595364039094901,0.0,0.0,0.12435058233786797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580070216622369,0.09296922737821238,0.0,0.0,0.11894200136952154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395932197361772,0.0,0.10408169546248644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056927642905384,0.0,0.0,0.2313418193157396,0.14397626930175542,0.0,0.07151937531001679,0.106078258056116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330729384978438,0.18383789573810846,0.06357790556615836,0.0,0.34473757596398663,0.0,0.10928151492718677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686683067752672,0.0,0.13073916390253612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038733616464773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256862178282589,0.13840117633784324,0.0,0.0,0.12486905950910568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336849246051581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348941831543257,0.13028889863589754,0.0,0.10370159117221747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234772787394046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978461216051671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645661583416349,0.0,0.12785801836688676,0.30994048627582743,0.0,0.14957225736208193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835384249091817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675761998935482,0.0,0.20877459554279387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742755292191945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228335268015052,0.0,0.08380335606245064
suicidewatch,Le_Harvest,2019/01/04,"Not really want to die, I just want to be reborn, to restart my life from square one My life is a fucking mess right now. Been like this for a while, over three years already. Nobody likes me, people I call friends talking shit behind my back, I’m a useless human being, but I think I’ve finally have enough of it now.

I sincerely feel like I’m the worst human being right now, that I’m just a big burden to my family and all the people I care for. I’m a failure in academics, in music, in people relations, in life in general, all the people I was close to have slowly distanced themselves from me (maybe because me and my issues are annoying them), I end up with no place to reach out. Even my passion in music doesn’t bring me calmness anymore. Nicotine, cannabis and even alcohol do jack shit in helping me.

I feel like I’ve sunk so deep with no way out other than just ending my mess of a life. But I don’t really want to die, I want to be reborn, to restart my life, undo all those mistakes I never knew I’ve done.",4.43278021978022,4.5710398238095244,5.544285714285717,84.08456043956045,69.80952380952381,8.175824175824175,28.05860805860806,7.882392219407189,1.6299706959706959,793,25,165,9,13,264,113,210,0.228,0.64,0.133,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,1,0,10,19,4,0,9,0,14,10,2,0,4,29,29,7,2,6,6,0,2,4,1,0,6,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,4,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,4,3,25,9,30,21,5,29,0,1,1,2,7,17,3,0,14,110,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827040556598224,0.0,0.0,0.1324507605577096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903271767662978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229194760914268,0.0,0.07316623006696936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255911897297,0.0,0.12237366085653882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491343554536407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282742154513937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126133518851405,0.12401808615415275,0.0,0.1585509866161727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131490490336632,0.0,0.12137666538659228,0.17149201195800712,0.0,0.1314817077926239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927311492002436,0.11096133631541544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045034194394506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527509476370768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238866383980909,0.2345529429272605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058141651614898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257081101354768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133216198840319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328413633292859,0.0,0.12540075739744502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378239562858145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050016800593948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640822597112455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647168579085932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690728302431495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28317582185624285,0.0952703938440018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729227479495512
suicidewatch,Kekdich,2019/01/04,"Last post I don't really know what to say, nothing worth mentioning. I've ordered pentobarbital and I'm waiting for it to arrive. I know nobody here gives a shit about it, I just wanted to say goodbye to y'all.",1.1623255813953506,3.594515000000005,3.680279069767444,83.99437209302326,85.04651162790697,6.2306976744186064,22.55348837209302,7.554174236665415,1.2131525581395348,167,6,33,3,5,58,33,43,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.6447,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,6,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32025638844987503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669470754254154,0.27212979973038537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32033512596670444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31973306786878997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138708871435533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5309769446910524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426890683586088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969115645209244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wasted420,2019/01/04,Stuck I feel like I’m stuck at where I’m at in life. I hate my husband. I hate my job. I lost the love of my life and he hates me now. I don’t feel like I have any other way out of my situation. I’m a cheater I always will be. Idk why I think I deserve to be alive ,-3.4715042735042725,-1.986573569230768,0.29743589743589816,105.79367521367523,100.07692307692308,3.5042735042735047,13.376068376068375,5.033348758259628,-1.5900598290598291,198,4,60,1,9,72,41,65,0.297,0.539,0.163,-0.8271,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,18,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,14,3,7,12,0,7,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,32,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771938190102317,0.0,0.0,0.1448152310764824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21535070499393752,0.3042670974553328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6307405139420065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132283076182148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008297719361229,0.20807599820322625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246317650561324,0.0,0.192198248899776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393679102572066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645157877507494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690320492329344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921568119711415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedarknessiswinning,2019/01/04,"Why does it always end up like this? Everytime I try to fix things, everything ends up worse. No...not worse, just different and I don‘t feel better afterwards. No matter the circumstances, I always feel empty again, sooner or later. I destroyed my relationship. I lied to everyone around me to avoid hurting them. I did some really awful things and don‘t even know why. And now I look for sympathy from Strangers on the Internet because I can‘t admit to my friends and family how much I‘m hurting. But I don‘t know if I even belong here since I‘m just too much of a coward to actually kill myself. I just wish i got in an accident or something or some other way to just disappear forever...",3.4303756708407884,6.058763093023257,4.653643410852716,79.37237924865833,76.98449612403103,8.620393559928441,25.426952892069174,9.265573868473778,2.611502802623733,545,20,96,15,13,179,88,129,0.264,0.626,0.111,-0.9719,1,1,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,8,2,1,4,1,5,0,0,1,0,25,15,10,1,2,9,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,3,17,3,14,13,4,13,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,6,7,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.15088614454468385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573113079905893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376439690023711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425449755595196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367482165826736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154427214322087,0.0,0.0,0.13530840201483907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738936342254924,0.0,0.0,0.20424919483796536,0.0,0.0,0.14774537881478805,0.13896186784059822,0.0,0.14576132671917294,0.0,0.15636034001695606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945849700954825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236631886613014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310463431170156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710633601258976,0.0,0.16994946061555527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553918578845585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298412803287234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273259702978905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905309061062408,0.0,0.0,0.1660032765760962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790269279406194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903350050147035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054444011006968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497636346482617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227296130401269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790397594215241,0.0,0.17780457826522045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151405771360236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway88m,2019/01/04,"The note I wrote is the only thing keeping me going I dunno if this sounds counterintuitive, but I've been very close to the edge these past few months, in the end, I wrote a note and left to end it. Obviously I backed down at the last minute, and went to my mum's for the weekend to try and recover. 

Now my note is just sitting there, waiting. I'm scared to delete it or anything, because right now the thought that it is there if and when I need it is the only thing giving me hope. I don't even know why it gives me comfort. 

I'm sorry this isn't a call for help as such, I just feel like screaming and letting it all out and this is the best I can do right now. ",1.4909207459207463,2.8920344965034985,2.8379195804195803,95.94098193473197,78.16083916083916,5.605827505827506,21.00757575757576,5.985473137389443,-0.15588997668997662,515,13,125,3,12,167,84,143,0.078,0.785,0.13699999999999998,0.8693,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,11,0,11,0,0,0,2,26,26,12,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,13,8,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,3,13,4,12,20,3,22,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,5,12,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441694800209663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347131341289512,0.0,0.10679644779481216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385496985492453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889234608909954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31033921953199195,0.0,0.0,0.1157137804522079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858319402682678,0.1251584076802717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33612350398731955,0.0995666117958924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742863798814285,0.0,0.0,0.17400686499119145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557202020063288,0.0,0.0,0.0962818707277672,0.14280624075522694,0.0,0.0,0.19034845761443653,0.1791474185320384,0.0,0.08559078792744579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398379325148274,0.0,0.0,0.12990390182316527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664853926975004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724220140435167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992289093243259,0.0,0.0,0.17539944723157713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611499348078976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23278180697809586,0.0,0.0,0.1390842211338079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894501600632187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455314263992186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240630651977486,0.15808505627037805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I-Play-PG,2019/01/04,"I just want to die, the only thing stopping me is that my family would be sad I want to die so much, I cry every day wishing that I would just die in my sleep. 

I wish that I was brave enough to kill myself",2.312101449275364,2.3377778913043485,3.9856521739130457,93.79775362318844,74.43478260869566,7.0028985507246375,19.68115942028985,6.42735559955562,-0.1701797101449274,157,2,40,1,3,53,31,46,0.388,0.444,0.168,-0.9507,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,9,9,1,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,1,4,5,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074646938812008,0.12373222408062327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5973534251261006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982400979500193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164822967345086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086618862593884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122619123735501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103734765905035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591628426958658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919960704677543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040147190128626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746160671688656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263250643623121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44125334359820695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27258014552663856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Traxicon,2019/01/04,"Assistance Realize this is the wrong sub.
Where can I find advice on suicide methods, most websites seem a bit shit.
I plan to use pure nitrogen to deprive myself of oxygen but I need help when it comes to regulating the gas flow.
Probably won't get answers on this sub but worth a shot ",2.4130952380952384,4.968523642857143,3.853571428571428,84.05809523809525,80.42857142857143,7.3047619047619055,27.190476190476193,8.344100000000001,2.2183904761904767,228,10,43,5,6,75,46,56,0.155,0.745,0.1,-0.3071,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,3,1,1,1,1,11,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,7,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,2,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922659203210121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265272900794885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576383474801036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733615637511962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626145010108464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047278538150629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177040862081054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322468099084875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722790302486942,0.0,0.0,0.30701015190069564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32715438650775264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583165228310466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270064345358791,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kineke,2019/01/04,"I'm very tired I don't want people to worry about me but I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder and often experience suicidal thoughts. Nowadays I'm pretty convinced I should go through with it. I'm under a lot of pressure from the weight of carrying other people's problems. I never have time for self care because I'm too focused on helping others and people see me as some kind of pillar but I'm breaking.

I just don't know how to shake this feeling. I even made a checklist of things to do right before I decide to finally kill myself and I have a date and deadline. My medication doesn't seem to be helping this and I haven't seen my therapist in a while due to scheduling issues. I can't be hospitalized because I'll lose my job. But even that is wearing me down.

I work almost constantly and never have any time to do anything else. I love my creative endeavors and I'm a musician and writer. I feel like I've lost all my motivation.

I'm just tired... I'll see what happens...",2.8344049633389723,4.955499786802033,4.551429780033843,81.9243584320361,76.51269035532995,7.220417371686407,28.20332769317541,8.167268648758528,2.1284644106034976,786,34,147,14,18,265,117,197,0.16899999999999998,0.6509999999999999,0.18,0.5496,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,1,2,6,0,15,7,1,3,3,33,37,14,2,3,5,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,7,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,4,6,22,5,21,30,3,18,0,2,3,1,4,5,0,5,11,96,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393412998417525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095650506858834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100671754568838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306895684015846,0.0,0.1138137995716675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636991548096647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453928327281682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329232101908188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173331941501828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766849540410395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308359243926504,0.0,0.0,0.13525889055109286,0.09555304226695736,0.0,0.14651967795580728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601481068387134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827717815650135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930339346752364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960319537081206,0.1327290367485214,0.0,0.1479776796472932,0.1392829809527928,0.07350705265198282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534487237474303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963519439609568,0.14600700447680112,0.1137118656292478,0.1207171432885643,0.12656015352881786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347418959565511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631684278402435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781820957309319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607470427668894,0.0,0.1279833862779305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422417858336878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316736309141004,0.12176354511344342,0.1395333630298584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630387754875104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529733453548733,0.08885943123365092,0.0,0.0,0.10618479978281503,0.15598469143187604,0.30745838451557644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103600853070871,0.07889087942310594,0.0,0.0,0.16287490313234387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737364690007164,0.1358324825539342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllBattle0,2019/01/04,Ow Life won't stop kicking. I can't breathe. I'm the worst person in existence.,-1.1419607843137245,0.7679473529411779,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,104.88235294117644,4.619607843137255,23.31372549019608,6.42735559955562,0.80658431372549,63,3,14,1,3,21,15,17,0.241,0.648,0.111,-0.4959,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504484676838078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6236416786894301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5971317002446026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AhPawCohLypse,2019/01/04,"failed college, student debt, cant find a job, dont know what to do i'm 18.
i fucked up alot in elementary and high school.
i was lucky enough to get into college. 
played too many games, was too focused on them, prior to that i had no internet when i got back from vacation for 2 weeks.
got told i failed the course, all 5 topics and i only passed my elective.
student debt is $2,400. i go on OSAP,  canadian student loan program in ontario.
anxiety ridden since i was 10, depression ridden since i was 12. 
i thought that i'll be able to make big bucks to stem my depressing thoughts down in expensive materialism. 
turns out i took a fat L. 
i was turning to suicide because a dead person cant pay bills, but because i'm religious i'll go to hell if i killed myself.
i'll either end up being homeless, or a neet. and i dont want to be either. 

tl;dr i dont know what else to do. 

",0.6723770491803265,2.8463704863388024,3.0025437158469934,89.83299590163935,84.57377049180326,5.845792349726776,23.35765027322405,7.1686216300943375,0.9461368306010928,681,26,146,10,20,233,114,183,0.209,0.753,0.037000000000000005,-0.9825,3,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,2,4,9,3,0,6,0,17,2,1,1,1,20,35,7,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,5,2,7,6,6,7,0,0,12,0,19,2,21,20,5,23,1,4,0,1,4,12,2,4,5,82,23,11,0.1413457073855881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812907926976073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868612422968772,0.0,0.17232606259766012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434817013106262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969683491040315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807620143563115,0.0,0.125190343114991,0.1460478998185438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291874158570329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067182886359105,0.07384729828003657,0.0,0.1606600456406693,0.0,0.22609414874471395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933950027071244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402638045797571,0.0,0.15637808311333995,0.0,0.15535980853905346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434935724728546,0.14330236220297066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074997797482508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341761973100775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304940196138646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338452595511924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546092625432041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244254063908637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350618806441476,0.15704028168843553,0.0,0.3074870823877881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336936035702061,0.0,0.11337900062308008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlternativeTea6,2019/01/04,"help throwaway, i'm just desperate.

i'm 35/f and things are bad. i spent half of last year falling for a guy, things progressed and began to happen, but he just seems to be distancing himself now, guess he figured he's not in a place to have a gf after all which is fair enough, i don't want it to seem like he's a bad person because he's not. i realise the bigger problem is my insecurity and mental health and in my head, i'd started to depend on him to make me happy and to be there for me. and the truth is and perhaps always was that he's not. i pep talk to myself all the time, i know i can't change people, i know i can't make anyone like me, i know i need to move on. but it hurts. i was crazy about him. and he told me he was crazy about me too, he just couldn't do this. which is fine. honesty. awesome. but hurts to much. i don't meet people i like often and this felt like the one. i'm so sad.

i'm so lonely and feel so unloved. my friends have faded away because the more depressed i get, the more distant i am i feel like people assume i drift away and go quiet because i'm off having an amazing life and are probably even mad at me, how i am a bad friend but i just don't know what to do. i can't reach out because nobody cares. i just don't feel like anybody cares. i have tried a bit with a couple and actually got ignored so i'm guessing people just assume i was a bad friend and have moved on from me which is, again, fair enough.

i live with parents and have very little social life, can't talk to my family, mental health has never been anything they understand and i've pretty much lived a double life hiding my problems for over half of my life - including being signed off work over the years, being on antidepressants, attending so many therapists. i've become a very good liar. i've covered it up.

i drink too much, it's getting to the point where all i think about is when i get next drink. and when i do drink, i binge because i just want to hurt less and feel normal and better and happy. i hide it in my bag, in my room. my family don't even know that i drink, i guess i'm so good at this double life thing.

i've never been into drugs but a month ago i ended up getting something from someone and now i'm finding my brain obsessing over when i could get more, anything to make this stop. i want more. i want all of it. and i hate that i feel this way.

i don't want to eat, i cried all over the xmas holidays with awful bad thoughts, didn't want to get out of bed. nobody to talk to, nothing to do except just feel exhausted from the punishing cycle of my thoughts about how bad i feel, how depressed i am, how hopeless this all is, how lonely i am.

this sounds really stupid but today i was even doing stuff like expiring my apple music membership because what's the point of having a smart phone, i have nobody to talk to on it, i deleted my social media because i regressed so much into my depression and i got rid of loads of things i use on my phone because i might just get rid of it. it's a paperweight. it doesn't even matter.

i got made redundant at my job and my last day is next month. i don't know what i'm going to do.

i don't even know what i'm searching for by making this post. i just have nothing and nobody else at all. i feel so restless and lost.

i tried in december to hook myself up with some counselling but honestly, i've seen at least 8 therapists in my life and they're pointless, the waiting lists are too long (i live in london england) and you can only get two free appointments when they do come through. i can't afford to go private. i've used online chat helplines and those are good but i can't shake the feeling the people on the other end just copy and paste sentences and don't care about me either - and why would they, it must be soul destroying for them to come to work and here people complaining so much. don't blame them. but last time i went to my gp about my mental health last summer, i was basically told well there's not much else we can do besides give you some pills or put you in counselling. but that's a cycle i've done about 5 times now. i just can't do it again only for it to go bad like this once again.

i'm just feeling so upset and done right now. please somebody help me. i just some words from fellow humans so i know there's people out there really. i'm so sorry for all of this.",2.0178288760905545,3.4540815633802815,3.45218951359982,91.94319503050694,76.81148429035753,6.1580030792039695,21.462179962365283,6.7183091564049375,0.2933898158179846,3405,86,762,30,76,1119,330,923,0.183,0.6829999999999999,0.134,-0.9934,3,4,6,0,0,1,92.0,1,3,5,5,65,62,6,5,30,1,76,19,2,13,12,158,162,66,0,14,31,1,11,8,5,3,12,2,2,3,41,46,5,3,29,6,2,14,26,35,1,4,25,14,108,28,101,127,29,99,1,11,1,0,46,44,0,14,47,497,149,3,0.0,0.0,0.04331596050193663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934698905827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036934095198917695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03103688919497115,0.0,0.07305453658988838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340734957624484,0.0,0.25943293813822504,0.2164664810322291,0.0490226914144079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039257284796293535,0.048459836627230336,0.0,0.0,0.0495513168358369,0.0,0.0,0.13576855596017542,0.0,0.04695626664195502,0.07647209043235617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035439940657696706,0.04911410984444317,0.048757768486914974,0.02862637345057318,0.0,0.11469309898041907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084798988482254,0.0,0.17393206243408565,0.051475602171953364,0.04541966526676005,0.07416040102447849,0.0,0.07862859693077967,0.09172865224014284,0.0,0.14658817883595696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368948507406249,0.0,0.2244373839851844,0.06342111709136268,0.04261912173543051,0.0,0.040569523963287626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288140545377764,0.0,0.1855257939681372,0.04258069533370047,0.10090613746427356,0.11169080867258403,0.1065026178200906,0.0,0.14669406025096618,0.043950769464387016,0.03925186779580647,0.09450299492167508,0.0,0.04382363206924874,0.04555455271836639,0.1415460447399698,0.0,0.0,0.059504235774159364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255374838463689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404791088458453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515440985156235,0.14472749348891228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881139336138337,0.1734845779423948,0.04448810391415032,0.117585370920961,0.03928168895715569,0.0,0.0,0.04845438254708735,0.0,0.0,0.04200068425674616,0.11851645098313665,0.04500212794582844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419698630936608,0.04708830071425898,0.0,0.0,0.0708596254635387,0.09435413179528844,0.19578025762806425,0.03291289303231714,0.06846901120934099,0.0,0.09441357595020454,0.0,0.043490489775860924,0.08518232825576051,0.0,0.0,0.047271417252521236,0.030078232273718187,0.06751764266840361,0.0,0.0,0.049287251855159,0.0,0.04237305121753535,0.2154097381108204,0.038757599166702905,0.04637566512541922,0.048724329571060015,0.08392138633777654,0.0,0.042511115599997436,0.04515821552281821,0.04785741306750335,0.08494600626325187,0.0,0.044621865814081424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056871752849565575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03790682553236526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081773085282024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049527433262763,0.037609526646647636,0.034171795042466716,0.0,0.04968835971727343,0.03141781953304198,0.0,0.0,0.03711007759527466,0.0,0.0,0.050813259654498434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427085031118866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030750063408241,0.11795677582293088,0.02844182505164148,0.0,0.07047769972131575,0.07764841766201434,0.0,0.042074318695647976,0.08482863701497508,0.0,0.0602726251267259,0.0,0.04336030138712527,0.046209127303955634,0.0,0.07667338611397173,0.0,0.07324894871394255,0.15708597809020952,0.035232864401872,0.0,0.0,0.03990984384544756,0.04114781249246402,0.040052965877172365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462950121890547,0.0,0.0,0.03153172546212683,0.0,0.0,0.05716840515264305
suicidewatch,klootzak477474,2019/01/04,"gonna break up with my gf this weekend she's the only reason why i'm still alive, she doesn't make my life ""worth living"" it's just that i just can't kms being in a relationship with her especially because she has suicidal thoughts too. she's the greatest person i've ever met but i really just can't take it anymore

​

my life was destined to be a trainwreck. my parents treated me like a tool and not like a developing human. when i was 11, i immigrated to france and when i was 12, i told them that i was lonely because i didn't speak french well, they called me idiotic and said that i just wasn't social.

​

when i was 16, i got hit with a plate by my mom because she got angry at me for a really stupid reason and it left a noticable scar. she told me i deserved it. that took away the last bit of confidence i had left

​

but you know... i'm a man, i'm supposed to suck it all up and be ""strong"" or whatever, i've had friends telling me they were embarrased of me because i cried and that i had to stop being such a crybaby and grow tf up. nobody cares about your emotions, no matter what you're struggling with, people will always judge you when you don't live up to human standards.

so yeah, not only did my parents fail on me but society as a whole, they let my parents do all this terrible shit when child abuse was written all over my behavior when i was young. 

i needed help but now it's too late

​

i'm gonna kill myself. my suicide note is written and i hid a rope above my bed. i wish i died before i ever met her because now i have to stick around for 2 or 3 months until she's over me.

​",3.7518364509605684,4.321695718023257,5.061648129423663,85.41226996966635,71.47093023255816,7.843073811931244,27.747219413549036,7.893859768569023,1.542067644084934,1293,44,278,16,23,432,178,344,0.211,0.69,0.099,-0.9939,3,2,0,0,1,3,50.0,0,4,4,2,22,16,5,1,14,1,28,3,1,3,5,40,53,23,4,2,12,4,0,2,2,3,2,2,1,5,14,13,0,1,4,1,2,2,9,9,1,0,25,2,58,7,29,19,6,34,0,2,0,0,39,13,2,2,20,185,72,1,0.0,0.08502887708834808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597135879299485,0.38878256388016,0.4360069696800981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711708321277556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388537923370857,0.0,0.0,0.0674248560320898,0.0,0.0,0.2187340413273364,0.0,0.06106607369429004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834795193780338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327930213142925,0.0,0.07316841490034788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882963641401962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447994020188989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072509908549025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982970848440994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055444865760971816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479282037763383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048102050367931776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939648728414082,0.0,0.039439743784930884,0.05849742535851035,0.08095317680530477,0.0,0.15594409085375374,0.07338378692924284,0.10137839535710193,0.07012075525107736,0.0,0.12673825901602465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479031805084963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404939834834861,0.057281523386610925,0.0,0.0,0.05321226691839607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170405103627232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915986084372001,0.0,0.0,0.2390570527011149,0.0,0.0,0.04975228083726429,0.06266175720103824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194800620463957,0.14757116066445067,0.0,0.07704792556453692,0.0,0.0,0.06826421618159126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366495039259323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315459458263003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057311006450767865,0.05999810932521725,0.0,0.07502355445034507,0.0,0.15699683872739234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395776948175464,0.0,0.06272509979654282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697278215079464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714759352003386,0.07973269962093643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452466093728708,0.0,0.06475605499148238,0.08012219948683309,0.08252532235369897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360069696800981,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidohedron,2019/01/04,"My first time.... After more than a year of depression and just flat out suicidal attempts, I finallly mustered the courage  to get myself checked out.

Its just so disappointing that when I got out of the psychiatric clinic I felt scammed, just having a handful of overpriced drugs and not even a proper diagnosis.

I fucking hate myself for not being prepared enough for this fucking shit. ",8.680588235294117,9.436907647058828,7.872352941176473,68.90058823529415,60.764705882352935,10.329411764705883,40.52941176470589,10.125756701596842,4.4182823529411746,312,16,48,6,4,97,51,68,0.277,0.6829999999999999,0.04,-0.9621,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,4,0,5,0,2,6,2,0,0,11,8,4,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,2,2,7,1,11,5,2,8,0,2,0,2,0,3,3,0,5,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340093843820983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31507843319360784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28073221883097005,0.0,0.17945112544017094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26086855780005946,0.0,0.0,0.23110252113027385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023528924572587,0.14194874371069094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729827036425434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682412783265177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788896771439193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971888084628428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584267804851464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496183399177728
suicidewatch,GellisOnline,2019/01/04,"I don’t want to live another day Things were looking up for me. I got a therapist who actually helps and I regularly see someone in my school who helps me a lot. But this is the 5th day of (to use my therapist’s words) the worst depressive episode I’ve ever had. Now today I’ve become focused only on suicide, and started planning as if I would die this afternoon. I’m too scared to text the suicide hotline, and I don’t have anyone else to talk to until Tuesday. But with school starting up again Tuesday is too far away. Maybe I should just give up while I have the chance.",3.346410256410259,4.7390834700854665,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,73.27350427350427,7.593162393162394,29.23931623931624,8.167268648758528,1.9633008547008552,454,19,93,7,9,150,79,117,0.181,0.73,0.08900000000000001,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,6,0,10,0,0,1,1,15,19,9,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,11,0,16,14,2,20,0,1,2,0,6,7,0,2,13,63,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.15417489540970344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566569483363086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046988431119502,0.16187884343991218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843627208431853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448691507557793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037802270368175,0.0,0.1360760663014756,0.0,0.16396808713050567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197989769821036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429104863349482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155785935422592,0.0,0.0,0.12635858140202122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117939720280516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950756298123895,0.0,0.1326713322482347,0.0,0.0,0.13431696535459375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158721619695031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015808233370992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581749829392187,0.3197874797309792,0.12589712236554232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386393306218178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365146631302896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456295918322154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698592093073152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668758152376783,0.10496115845424417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975550834307452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645214313440984,0.0,0.0,0.0931862603751113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223115957439146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeowsandBoo,2019/01/04,"I think I'm sliding back down. I have hid this dark part of me for a long time now, but I recently just broke up with my GF of 4 years, I won't go too much into detail but it was a toxic relationship, but it was improving, like 3 months away from perfect.

She thought otherwise though, so I blew up and broke up with her, I regret it so much,  I distracted myself from my own problems by helping fix hers. Now that it's just me I can't stand it any more. I've lost a big part of my reason to live. I can't have her back because I went too far when I ended it. Fuck. I'm sliding back down and I can't distract myself from what I really feel anymore. Or more like dont feel.",0.7154833679833708,2.140063074324324,2.962162162162162,94.10258835758837,80.41891891891892,6.1754677754677765,20.844074844074846,7.010146845296331,0.2559401247401252,517,14,126,6,13,177,89,148,0.177,0.691,0.132,-0.7966,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,13,11,1,2,3,0,9,1,0,1,1,19,19,10,0,2,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,5,2,24,3,18,13,7,26,0,4,0,1,7,9,1,1,14,89,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991695248395977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488146658339973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567682791596855,0.4067827266341756,0.0,0.10749496330286863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066686591853554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618451598281008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783251669467455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302308816984687,0.0,0.0,0.1002178396584304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819669466435608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230121033616122,0.0,0.15571106832896975,0.15605496768972602,0.0,0.0,0.19249546808078127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407525599813123,0.0,0.2592597432335221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819171337356998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873315041572606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296764203643432,0.18130644416302324,0.17411404862328456,0.18932270168975684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129912742375152,0.1732527292274003,0.13999391885684992,0.10282501958796797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634685452557316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355689961166655
suicidewatch,Endieblock,2019/01/04,"Ignore this it's just me venting for a long time don't waste your time reading this ! I think I'm about to go over the edge , I've finally got away from my dad , not before he called me a not very nice word for a gay person a lot of times and then I found out I may need to take legal action (this is all happening a month after I stopped self harming myself) and in the middle of all this my bf dumped me I know it isn't that bad but I just felt really down and I needed to get it all out there... I've been through this type of thing before and it nearly wine the really bad last time ",0.4847674418604662,2.0947397441860467,2.4149031007751947,96.89584302325585,81.7906976744186,5.54031007751938,16.176356589147286,6.42735559955562,-0.5875224806201547,453,7,111,4,12,151,83,129,0.078,0.85,0.07200000000000001,0.1983,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,8,0,5,2,0,0,3,25,17,6,0,2,5,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,11,6,1,2,4,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,1,14,1,19,12,4,21,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,2,11,72,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876986324638504,0.0,0.29996987565001504,0.0,0.0,0.3057066344042016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342401493042576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247456929187027,0.1967777096908719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695684994214493,0.0,0.0,0.09385013142054456,0.0,0.10208881535672636,0.0,0.1436678529026414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588476889319636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872086581671476,0.1464237828453456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896837166192268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271641867755475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433802819527251,0.0,0.0,0.26638920835288565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156847441966568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968027680171672,0.0,0.2301532898423871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873950037670845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018011608418302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506065733654113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933929699098357,0.11510071831392325,0.0,0.0,0.4189786758343796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821493693541876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisisnotgonendwell,2019/01/04,"Most likely getting fired today, and will be the last day of my life. Just like the tile says: most likely losing my job today, and if I do I’m going to end my life. I’ve work for my brother’s company for six years now and just in the last year the CEO has had it out for me. He finally has the opportunity to fire me, and I’m pretty sure it’s happening. His VP asked me to meet with them at 4pm today to talk about last month.. why else would they want to meet with me at 4pm on a Friday if it wasn’t to let me go?

Anyways, I know it seems silly to want to end my life just over a job.. but this is my family, my home for the last six years. I don’t know if I can live with the embarrassment of getting fired from my brothers company. A lot of my friends and family work there. I don’t know what else I would do if I lose this job. I’ve been dealing with serious depression and anxiety for the last year, and the CEO threatening to fire me for the past three months has absolutely wrecked me. I’ve thought about it a lot over the few months, and I’ve decided that if it comes down to them really letting me go, I don’t want to live anymore. 

Honestly I wish they would just do it over the phone, that way I don’t have to face the embarrassment of walking out of the office with a fucking box full of my shit. 

I wish there was a way to make it look like an accident.. it’s going to crush my mother to know I killed myself. 

I don’t really know why I’m posting this on reddit.. I guess it feels good telling someone, as I don’t plan on leaving any kind of note or goodbye. ",4.325649019910479,3.5008401202346064,5.700969285383548,86.15566445439111,70.08504398826979,9.407686371353604,27.624787775891342,8.841846274778883,1.6494070381231678,1215,33,293,19,19,413,150,341,0.14300000000000002,0.76,0.097,-0.9708,3,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,4,6,10,20,3,2,21,0,26,6,2,1,1,51,55,16,1,13,11,3,5,4,1,4,3,1,1,0,16,16,0,0,9,0,0,6,7,9,0,3,5,7,40,11,49,43,6,43,0,3,1,1,18,13,2,12,25,184,56,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572047233163884,0.0,0.06435183829744187,0.0,0.08342478441824774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864117280894317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246223389532946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425066731725728,0.086724388209169,0.07245273508728235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054351841108992,0.0,0.14901132555542182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860236088042173,0.0,0.042533777019149344,0.0,0.0,0.09214973279313987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499117454331252,0.07776790903843803,0.0878988229570335,0.0,0.19123013619925108,0.07055615938863613,0.0,0.0,0.09266805048188308,0.0,0.07438734861221563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437957084647844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042940526983976,0.0,0.09306670495794968,0.08759840081891974,0.2311517249694791,0.3428465674530931,0.0,0.08907130573064738,0.0,0.17203751653141652,0.17825007501990042,0.1643878177387363,0.0,0.14855962224772892,0.0,0.07063990862112345,0.1882183113207319,0.0,0.1430322285625703,0.0,0.0,0.05615098752387928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201432184933519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030239348301332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056404328277737,0.08558063881893363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077793018007764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689587949001513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658000824662968,0.0,0.0,0.08634833149978523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127490045463478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928243533095869,0.0,0.0,0.0676127517430235,0.07352489456279566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678216239071141,0.0,0.0,0.2392087705519841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884908757814178,0.13354163834970315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181106545848044,0.0,0.19346850445827013,0.0,0.0,0.12248123485012773,0.0,0.0,0.17927005154234946,0.0,0.0,0.21668299230073204
suicidewatch,NoUsername189,2019/01/04,"I need advice with how to tell a hard truth to a depressed friend I have been in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year. About 4 months ago, I met another girl and we really clicked. I never had feelings for her, but I really care about her as a friend. However, I also never told her I am in a relationship and she thinks I'm single. She has feelings for me as more than a friend. She is severely depressed and has attempted suicide fairly recently, and I'm torn because I want to tell her the truth, but I'm afraid she'll hurt herself. Should I wait until her depression is better before I tell her?

I apologize if this isn't the right sub for this question.",4.367899432278996,4.959456284671536,5.764184914841852,80.8486780210868,70.0948905109489,9.300567721005676,28.360908353609084,9.444778638647367,2.3500825628548254,529,18,108,11,9,179,77,137,0.2,0.622,0.17800000000000002,-0.74,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,2,4,12,0,1,11,0,11,0,0,1,4,23,23,12,1,4,3,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,4,24,7,18,17,2,12,0,4,1,0,26,5,0,2,7,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309627505279204,0.12980732320161872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710539785857545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355167655263854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926646974198957,0.0,0.12460686929694165,0.0,0.0,0.12951138517927865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930200290582224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783772157584527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808561843624626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394099566144153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311785444923005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676354517464228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676807099163633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688439858599488,0.0,0.0,0.10858097774697023,0.2258820631531432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404264811543204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876222343786812,0.0,0.14458860187983305,0.31443648525641016,0.0,0.12505616493653648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543182021107258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601780119454972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383976462173444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383074195219372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992656827500352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863721757642022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430045121852204
suicidewatch,blerrycat,2019/01/04,Tonight I'm going to jump After my family is asleep I'm walking to a nearby cliff and I'm not going to chicken out. I can't deal with it anymore. I had a wreck and scared to drive and my bully coworker has no remorse for trying to get me fired.,0.7166666666666686,2.3657699259259246,3.4812592592592613,89.3396666666667,81.22222222222223,5.801481481481483,21.91111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.5452044444444448,192,6,42,2,5,68,39,54,0.297,0.703,0.0,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,10,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,9,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40611535598931614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221779658901765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860414785537623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139475817957847,0.0,0.4654581691760245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099823430280908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27802457261681945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AshleyInVirginia,2019/01/04,"How to keep my kids from finding my body I'm done with life and I'm ready to go.  I'm a single parent and my kids live with me.  They have places to go once I'm gone and while they aren't ideal,  they will be safe and OK.  My biggest fear is them to have to be the ones to find my body. 

I don't want to make this even harder for them to deal with and I know finding my body will be even more traumatic for them. My current plan is to overdose, I think I've got enough pills around to easily make that happen. I would rather do it at home,  I don't want to disappear and go ""missing"" and give them false hope.  I've been thinking about calling the police and hopefully they find the body,  but I'm afraid they will get there too early and bring me back. I've thought about jumping off of something,  but honestly I don't think I can go through with it.  And even if I did,  I'd hate to bring strangers into this.  At least if the police find me,  they have resources to help them deal with it.  I've been think of a high speed car crash,  but I'm afraid with how safe cars are nowadays it wouldn't work and I'll be out of a car.

I'm probably way over thinking this,  and I should just shit or get off the pot at this point.

I'm open to suggestions to make this happen soon. ",3.0437728937728927,3.3340058498168545,3.7242673992674007,95.37489926739927,72.91941391941394,7.092307692307693,23.22527472527473,6.691623216298621,0.2915626373626372,979,22,243,7,18,310,126,273,0.08199999999999999,0.8290000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.079,2,0,1,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,11,3,14,13,2,3,8,1,26,7,5,5,0,58,64,21,0,11,8,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,10,22,0,3,12,0,0,12,5,6,0,1,7,0,30,7,39,47,4,33,0,1,0,0,20,14,1,5,6,148,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857835462856192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651130983614074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442099554132894,0.0,0.0,0.10160321640082516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051654951777267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182564296956573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028127205117686,0.0,0.19716146385582511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119680186596889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547175856910306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397193863174736,0.0954519012680895,0.2261983416452365,0.0,0.07958126940927444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597953157275595,0.0,0.0,0.09823815625134567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669445383214433,0.10512989451937636,0.09980915860627264,0.1976569433565774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844242768524628,0.0,0.0,0.054683992696687465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028158526511294,0.0,0.0,0.08786256407009417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925615039686825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596695561284517,0.06742549492932637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048579317422924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395897422769493,0.0,0.09406206052082446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072805653187655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213792541952416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660191504588708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31878604323364695,0.0,0.07899390067119016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737834992876715,0.07898048324302004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724390327706835,0.0,0.0,0.07068374816419118,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoulsRedditAcc,2019/01/04,"it feels like im a waste of space all i do is play video games and troll on the internet, i cant pass any of my classes and thats all my parents care about, i sit in my room conpletley dark all day and do nothing, im a living embodiment of a troll, i was considering last night and im considering it again i just dont know what to do anymore, im sitting here crying at my keyboard like a wimp. it feels like no one would even notice if i was gone.

what else is there to do?",0.17726415094339742,1.7655405000000035,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,82.67924528301887,6.1267924528301885,20.97735849056604,7.1686216300943375,0.3178860377358492,367,11,92,5,10,128,65,106,0.101,0.772,0.126,0.3818,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,3,13,16,5,0,2,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,2,10,5,9,12,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,7,56,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099478029466878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186977369717878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641304320343478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928883259455347,0.10526300191007214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912919061476372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363488541112267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780486585522672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650572526758608,0.2332079255883999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7052197868466857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897011066230286,0.1330455851303292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392222440983794,0.0,0.14412570917305426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531703380576838,0.0,0.1566134040236063,0.18582635408342268,0.0,0.0,0.11060168088516976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812358137201597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594636963982136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1020304050607000000,2019/01/04,"Unsent Letter Enough money has been saved to fade into the weekend, finally. To the multiple people, it's your decission to accept or decline the written letters, if they find their way to you guys. Anxiety is unbearable",4.941923076923079,8.000846205128205,6.0637820512820495,68.95413461538462,74.12820512820512,9.028205128205126,32.82692307692308,9.516144504307137,4.216738461538462,178,9,24,5,4,59,34,39,0.04,0.831,0.128,0.5719,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,5,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182155488091388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429807715991318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556742832714101,0.38018861081411975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41187522934698095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883808938604688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301772479280643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1C3BEAR,2019/01/04,"Shitty day gave me my suicidal thoughts back, YAY!!!! The day started of with me trying to sneak in 20 more mins of sleep, which I went by in a heart beat and left me disappointed. 

Then right before saying goodbye to my mother she throws some personal insult towards me.  Basically setting the stage for the next thing.

So then we had PE team sport shit. Where I royally fuck up, this made me doubt my self worth which as always is pleasant. 

Followed by going to go get a trim, ask for short sides around 2-3mm and just taking a bit of the top. The next moment I realize the top has is 50% shorter than what it was. So instead of cutting of >1 cm he cut 5+cm. So now I sit here having payed 60$ for something which in the end left me feeling like proper shit, since it is probably my fault. Destroying like Ben Shapiro my the atom I called self image

So all in all it was a highway for returning depression

So now I sit here complaining to the internet searching for some sort of empathy and as every January feeling what might be the start of my seasonal depression. Considering ending it all, again.

I want to add that I would have gone too a therapist but i would like to not ruin job opportunities before I’m done with school.",3.7465886939571154,5.332600522633747,4.791310374702189,83.49072124756337,72.58024691358024,8.243361490145118,27.192765865280485,8.841846274778883,2.0473094650205756,969,35,193,19,19,317,156,243,0.138,0.78,0.08199999999999999,-0.9196,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,5,16,20,7,1,15,1,14,5,4,1,3,27,32,13,1,3,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,3,12,8,0,0,4,2,2,6,1,14,0,0,9,3,23,6,32,19,7,43,0,4,0,1,14,15,3,5,21,124,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534103801051826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270051583685288,0.11835356903634567,0.0,0.0,0.09734730479071137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21545392977322853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821401240884235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927238202914326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632925825050934,0.0,0.21808016024525947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955538106584924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425939970614736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666565269025954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280251587051598,0.09044280454427564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703932256394732,0.06614308408353067,0.0,0.14389898012758284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002117703589546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256306030995694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751017477196694,0.0,0.0,0.18555056060846786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979163569403815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430220636721665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26928029614140625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054191811190547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649581888706114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811539656669283,0.0,0.10067711109425614,0.0,0.12812558945827526,0.0,0.0,0.2641420593319804,0.0,0.2599054120965729,0.104724526321709,0.0,0.1266910637486036,0.0,0.0,0.0974625841263768,0.0,0.0,0.17921574652435304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847945274461507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518717000573304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699193390828405,0.08410717210371557,0.0,0.0,0.10050596887851433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595284195095437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467174481013189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735912999827185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986549677494,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,L1f35ux,2019/01/04,"All I think about is killing myself That's right, I think about killing myself. All. The. Time. When I was 9 I tried to hang myself. It was a very impulsive attempt that obviously didn't work. It just left me with a rope burn around my neck that no one, including teachers, parents, and classmates even questioned. 


Fast forward nearly 2 decades later and I wish I would have died that day. I can honestly say nothing has happened in my life that has made me happy to be alive. 


My mom just calls me a ""depressed bitch"" that ""makes everyone else miserable."" Honestly, she's right... my misery is toxic. By NOT killing myself I'm being selfish. I'm so numb right now I just want to end this existence as quick and painless as possible. ",1.9650042016806708,4.671845021428575,2.793193277310923,89.7047478991597,84.5,5.865546218487395,25.378151260504197,7.285733465282438,1.4000126050420163,573,24,110,9,17,180,95,140,0.232,0.652,0.116,-0.9661,1,0,0,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,0,2,11,11,4,1,4,0,12,3,1,2,3,20,21,7,4,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,4,1,20,3,12,14,2,17,0,2,0,0,6,8,1,1,9,73,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673142860413834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683688173612426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905557184273144,0.0,0.13229048527035744,0.0,0.1594065613808211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830827041800702,0.0,0.13603889863342206,0.0,0.0,0.10144754036030054,0.0,0.0,0.1467658689401609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582287037239266,0.16350391395159125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5097877759853449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688058035003947,0.0,0.10848814699888117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533457421777238,0.1025253412310125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798877058778459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737780618349106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407942532559948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054821580872462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315441641392754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206068933663213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39350589969082256,0.0,0.12214429654947345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968339614939845,0.0,0.0,0.0895620307089006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042804000076872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267313254727557,0.09059385636737556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662578444058902,0.0,0.0,0.11181842876819252,0.0,0.0,0.10910893418727648,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonleyboy77,2019/01/04,"I going to kms I cant take it I don't know what to do here I'm tired of life, I'm tired everything. I feel like I have no one my father died when I was 9 and I got taken away from my mother when I was 13 for physical abuse on her part. Then I moved to foster care and that was a shit show . I'm thinking I should just take a lethal amount of Valium and xans with a swig of of alcohol just to put the nail in the coffin.",-0.5579024943310671,0.7415087653061256,2.2627891156462603,98.23379818594108,83.79591836734693,5.988208616780046,14.970521541950113,6.937597516519254,-0.6381532879818597,321,4,87,4,9,113,65,98,0.202,0.7390000000000001,0.059,-0.9287,0,0,1,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,5,0,8,5,1,0,0,10,20,6,3,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,5,1,13,2,14,14,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,55,16,0,0.0,0.2531669659769694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835091464683224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007523422347688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178533486502266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175831473661184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203506035894485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803923335049218,0.15264767275212346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143500269900605,0.0,0.17089341319154772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174288149491305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092320189941846,0.10438958778959098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271000463828073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479001214900364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23138648929202896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479987369395334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193317450300944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213102479616888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369127067472419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911701998279525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HawkingOptics,2019/01/04,"What’s the Point Anymore I’m always sad and lonely. I’ve been lonely my whole life and it gives me no meaning, I’ve worked on myself in all other aspects but I’m still so god damn lonely. I think about suicide everyday, but I’m too much of a coward to do it. But maybe soon I’ll get to the point where I have enough strength to do it.",-0.6429429429429447,1.4185938648648673,1.4896396396396412,99.02728228228227,90.08108108108108,3.8294294294294287,16.33033033033033,5.033348758259628,-0.9268660660660664,262,6,62,1,9,87,52,74,0.284,0.624,0.091,-0.9404,0,6,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,8,11,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,1,7,10,4,8,0,4,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652508535283865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580697465235719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26887831079424684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595496301504506,0.24962811845957675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380209989543367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26142741427036603,0.28345743647995386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129270107113916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4919867467133212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781317943860989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28464002150945433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673939252416395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905279465520581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944430873921844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princ3noct1s,2019/01/04,"I'll try to give it one more year 2019. I hope it's a good one for everybody.

I find it hard to think that it'll be a good one for me. I'm gonna try to give it one more year for things to get better, if not, I'm finally gonna end it.",-0.0048305084745763355,-0.2668267796610149,2.9625000000000017,100.09425847457628,79.5084745762712,7.255932203389831,18.139830508474574,7.1686216300943375,-0.4169355932203396,176,2,56,2,4,64,32,59,0.025,0.764,0.211,0.8876,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,4,7,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105893954186508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813218928897477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242616649044181,0.18711113172056826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069581852382241,0.3927737530540038,0.0,0.3434202421243479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833896543037004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033339787577901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5548965362258057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360074241831786,0.13117684295302207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779840135525547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636670076890931
suicidewatch,Fishstik2691,2019/01/04,I need to leave forever I'm a toxic bad person. Everyone is so nice to me but I just ruin their lives. I broke up with my boyfriend because I hurt him so badly. I don't want to hurt people especially him. Without him there's nothing here for me. I have no one anymore. All that's left to do is die. But for some reason I don't completely want to. I want to go back and try again but I know that's wrong. I need to die before I hurt anyone else.,-1.1757692307692302,0.8538312346938781,1.6785714285714306,96.45489010989012,93.79591836734691,4.648037676609107,16.722135007849296,6.297961479604792,-0.36977331240188427,343,9,82,4,13,119,61,98,0.446,0.534,0.019,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,16,14,6,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,18,1,12,14,2,5,0,5,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753091812724782,0.11106766683793133,0.16275481379744478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214150467535342,0.26525680419388353,0.09683004490976238,0.0,0.13516484728209474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654528483699751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297107259053831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269407674543546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151782589020256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902749079279533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101385043011512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729670376750598,0.0,0.0,0.16819323739807618,0.17258485726718367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026247626840074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355621541206633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241544337380086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076370463632849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012267588989452,0.1386967645063774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331845317506488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784489071970836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810715495652977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312029054454476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367136718023105,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DiscoDoggies,2019/01/04,I'm requesting help So much is happening all at once. ,2.4818181818181806,4.4943153636363675,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,77.18181818181819,11.672727272727276,29.181818181818183,11.20814326018867,4.165109090909091,43,2,9,2,1,15,11,11,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187580337565384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932080444040199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312430940604127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6247454922240085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crescent2612,2019/01/04,"Its incredible how long the human soul will hold on to hope. I need a miracle, and I know it wont come. On the eve of the last day, even as I've lost everything I'm struggling to pull the trigger. I know theres nothing left for me, I lost. But still I'm holding on by the thinnest and most fragile of hairs. The human soul is so unrelenting, and perseverant. It will do everything in its power to hold on to hope. Even when there is none left. It rubs its hands together, and generates a pathetic amount of heat. Just enough so in order to scrape the barrel and lift up even the stalest, and least useful residues of hope.

Maybe its an old dream from years ago, or day dreams about reunions with an old flame. Maybe its the memories of a day when things were okay, or the idea that those little things did matter. Maybe its the idea that things can go back to the way they were.

You think about how you can get back to eating okay food, or its possible for your body to feel stable, or you can genuinely look in the mirror and feel neutral. Not even proud, just neutral.

The soul will synthesize and prolong the growth of the smallest molecules of hope, when you are at the end. ",4.010558069381599,5.217310794871795,4.200457516339871,89.46382352941177,71.39316239316237,7.899044746103572,25.303167420814482,8.313332769828598,1.299792156862745,922,27,199,14,17,286,128,234,0.069,0.816,0.115,0.8879,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,5,1,5,20,10,0,1,22,2,14,6,3,4,0,39,33,21,0,5,8,0,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,16,10,2,3,7,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,5,7,11,7,32,24,5,35,3,2,1,0,8,12,0,9,17,131,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675897708520684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678663170678059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124616623435552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402703260018584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111870828515972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169241804641986,0.0,0.0,0.0966785869866733,0.11278589254970466,0.0,0.28838236574484544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962022529782104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103837026102604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319901895067822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570287793199794,0.0,0.06203508118628366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336606339011563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246444540084296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997703968491805,0.08897557704704329,0.0,0.0,0.2371936095606417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940159667157101,0.0,0.0965983962850337,0.09166238237130354,0.0,0.23831030545225715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289814358958199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093676133657021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473679365348228,0.0,0.2290788059811733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305542368811695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871710137472236,0.0,0.0,0.1141120999502005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755242094878235,0.0699418675812202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427453774239564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664184988229498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029199103355255
suicidewatch,PhaserTits,2019/01/04,"Lost, lonely, and failing I guess I don’t really know anymore. I’ve been suicidal for going on 12 years, I turn 24 this week. My dad was physically abusive, my mom a raging narcissist (who’s isn’t I guess). My dad always made sure I knew he never wanted me and my mom sent me away to some very shady abusive “schools” under the guise of me receiving full time “therapy.” I’m just now starting to deprogram and processing some of the weird psychological abuse. These people treated some anxious troubled kids like CO’s treat inmates. I feel like dirt. Since I’ve been out of that I’ve been in two abusive relationships, one which put me in a hospital. I’ve been in the hospital multiple times as well for self harm and yesterday I got fired from a job before I even finished training I suck so much. I really don’t believe it’s possible this is all coincidence. I must be awful and it would be better for literally everyone if I was dead including me.",3.4757258064516137,5.489578655913982,5.184610215053766,78.59691532258066,74.26881720430106,8.951075268817203,28.829301075268816,9.516144504307137,2.8842913978494615,754,32,142,20,16,256,122,186,0.282,0.647,0.071,-0.9928,1,2,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,5,15,2,0,6,1,14,0,0,1,4,23,29,8,2,4,2,4,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,8,1,2,11,2,21,7,17,14,6,21,0,3,0,0,11,8,1,6,11,86,29,3,0.0,0.5766081064769262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123425136926023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744576720239748,0.12065806392730764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430739737321036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352716138500603,0.13707374252857646,0.0,0.10760198173905926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803579698601968,0.0,0.0,0.11625523133347755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151700867354981,0.08691683490779592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914449392724488,0.0,0.09730586987277136,0.0,0.26805337615271885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073281499830744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686339030484639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188778368437266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281070285587715,0.0,0.0,0.11512148341061752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28498297338332945,0.0,0.0,0.08943708925819653,0.0,0.09383483004579243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824427215650273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434654622298435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715795696901342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223059927706173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588223544601884,0.0,0.0,0.13062167815524042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313053274411967,0.0,0.0,0.1269221574830967,0.0,0.0,0.1006417747765123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611445394701936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308074415619653,0.0,0.1146669448076276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391334655573303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188659357857167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323355699052949,0.11884811652837655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003855982758528,0.07176061985961586,0.0,0.0975915771565692,0.0,0.10939060892647387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642666361116086,0.0,0.0,0.078347671256503
suicidewatch,RigelAchromatic,2019/01/04,"Swallowed 6000 mg of Quetiapine It will probably do nothing, since I am fat as fuck. Stopped myself too soon. I wish I had the courage to take the rest. 
I'm getting really drowsy, but I won't call an ambulance. I'd just be a burden.
I'm going to sleep and I sure hope this will take care of itself. There's no point in trying to get help, really.",-0.018417047184172475,2.218297356164385,2.4445662100456644,91.98304414003044,89.13698630136986,5.984170471841705,19.07001522070015,7.3871296695380915,0.5402188736681892,269,8,60,5,9,92,58,73,0.128,0.642,0.23,0.85,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,7,4,2,0,1,7,18,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,7,13,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,2,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425489276975007,0.0,0.242181899379656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195964964885351,0.24820358172790935,0.0,0.13499613288954762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921413547126345,0.0,0.0,0.2359250098637337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279204257347995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245465520140571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561019916751073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30434092110838024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964907056267659,0.0,0.2377056969071088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858918763457156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387312770814166,0.0,0.357192242504596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127009745249996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731525528024276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,creedos150,2019/01/04,"Thinking about distracting myself from suicide.  I'm thinking about writing a romance story to distract myself from suicidal thoughts. I suffer from bipolar disorder and am about to seek help. But it is difficult in South Korea to get immediate help- I have to wait until Wednesday. I feel like I am going to kill myself if I don't find a distraction. But if I write and fantasize romance, will it disappoint me? It's about an overworked, depressed person finding a soul mate who can help him out. But from what I've learned, romanticism can bring greater hurts. In reality, people are different in real life than some stupid romance stories. People can't for each other's needs, and they can bring greater disappointments in real life. But what the hey- how much a disappointment cost? I think being turned hurts a lot less than suicide, right? ",5.100610902255639,7.8173315986842145,5.17981203007519,77.26368421052629,71.82894736842105,7.76390977443609,31.90977443609023,8.634040054169528,2.9808406015037594,681,32,109,13,14,213,99,152,0.279,0.556,0.165,-0.9749,1,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,0,5,18,2,3,7,0,12,3,0,1,0,28,25,11,4,3,6,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,8,0,1,3,2,13,0,0,1,1,13,5,22,22,7,12,1,7,0,0,11,7,0,4,3,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614099579928012,0.0,0.0,0.15301372005232092,0.16784947809310774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405176604908871,0.10462708221843008,0.0,0.0,0.2677134124367258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651640096145276,0.0,0.0832334341068914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944959748841623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135650171808168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620301404082427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689020630456373,0.07155024238165222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451032884084876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766086571285262,0.10859411260063162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306613870315365,0.1278783692429109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333394434603177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507129276518547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805921652102639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28152627748579057,0.0,0.11626846737318315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930037682104087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imtryinipromise,2019/01/04,"Giving myself one last chance today I have an 8 hour shift at work, if the customers or managers treat me like shit as they usually do I’m gonna go home and fire a bullet into my skull.

It’s going good so far but i have 7 hours to go.",1.3689622641509445,2.157380188679248,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,77.30188679245279,6.054716981132076,18.910377358490567,5.985473137389443,-0.2750716981132077,182,3,44,1,4,63,49,53,0.079,0.7490000000000001,0.172,0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,9,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,3,4,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,6,23,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521518581034387,0.4481550240594629,0.2204680213193396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636622682624978,0.0,0.5177130960045249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425969042947934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841634670842306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781155074347103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26981408788316474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915322670053505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28949465066342617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135959021960428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,etshomephone,2019/01/04,"Will I ever get over this? The countless nights of listening to sad, depressing tones and styles of music that leave me wishing I was born just over a thousand years ago. I'ts obviously 2019 now, but for the past four or five years, I've had suicidal thoughts nearly everyday because I was born in this time period, not then. How strange and stupid is that. I'd rather spend my life lying in bed with my eyes shut daydreaming of a life probably sometime around the Viking Age than live. Ever heard of a stupid reason like this before? Not betting on making it past January",4.500277777777775,6.614069953703705,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,71.68518518518519,8.133333333333335,26.814814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.0917703703703703,457,16,85,9,9,141,82,108,0.208,0.738,0.054000000000000006,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,6,0,5,3,1,3,3,19,11,6,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,4,0,3,5,3,6,1,15,5,0,24,0,2,1,0,2,8,0,2,17,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794036084365865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016708171684293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337306084984108,0.0,0.17221618500780134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743153780618359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661407348340903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573870355955113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142983051529346,0.0,0.0,0.2859034392487099,0.0988759242952233,0.0,0.17871117415815793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350947014902759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992621869858844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864020333365948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820710555604195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080872468896044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016563269639634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137821369744187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067244212243895,0.11801331903123635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327347301456189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26066081340455816
suicidewatch,zwbVxQv7Z3dC,2019/01/04,"Can someone clear up some misconceptions about voluntarily checking into a mental institution for me? Okay so the only experience I have with institutions is through the media. Is it true they will hold you down, force feed and medicate you? I'm fucking scared that if they do that too much I'll be braindead and won't be released ever because I'll just...be looking at a wall all day.

I read a few people in /r/depression who went in and were treated like animals. Like, I'm fine with OBEYING for the duration of my stay...but i need reassurance I wont get stuck there to fulfill some sick quota of theirs",5.263983050847457,6.310633661016954,6.3625000000000025,75.71798728813562,68.32203389830508,9.289830508474578,32.54661016949153,9.516144504307137,3.0174711864406776,484,21,91,10,8,162,90,118,0.055,0.764,0.181,0.9023,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,3,0,5,9,1,1,6,1,11,4,0,1,4,16,19,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,11,7,15,11,5,10,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,3,4,60,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745925609840528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658421929633666,0.0,0.22247619996666645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365006646170755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526701307840893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387971808294371,0.13495278052281673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238782888781913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690966417054813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602133369063458,0.2603089098340922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988260031679344,0.19152857766070286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964512517113801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907494147449665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583731380283701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586066021055172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188594949113653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753168828398129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394496889955132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alisha-Nasir,2019/01/04,"I give up Life has been to hard today is the last day and all my pain is going to be over I want you all to tell this to the people I mention
To shamiam: I love you you are my only true friend
To mom: I am still grateful of you even if you were never proud 
To dad: you were the only family member i loved 
To sis: I want you to know that I have kept many secrets from you and I am sorry
And to all of them tell them not to cry when I am gone",2.5391176470588235,1.7700431078431398,4.459607843137256,93.36823529411768,73.80392156862746,7.192156862745098,20.92156862745098,5.46131890053228,-0.18750196078431405,335,4,89,1,6,116,60,102,0.077,0.722,0.201,0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,8,2,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,12,4,0,0,5,15,21,5,0,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,1,22,5,16,15,3,10,0,0,0,2,21,2,0,1,6,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205030510537935,0.13036886543456533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351697932649034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905673318477939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617919755571802,0.0,0.0,0.1939189729937051,0.11488548033612538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108508088296085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110953638645018,0.16477776302956862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278325160545027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648932850517301,0.0,0.0,0.2049465459733715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367535281927951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590915356778431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074856298753389,0.21509993687537454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014410876615802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262883593281632,0.0,0.0,0.1614358133209162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35337287297472875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161285664615396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384644911991061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piperhalliwellz,2019/01/04,"Lonely Sometimes i feel so lonely. At work, people always take advantage of me, bully me and talk to me however they want. Spreading rumours that I am lazy. I started dishing it back out because I felt like it was unfair to ask me to train someone who acted like a complete bitch when she thought I wasn't useful to her. And use my reports that i spent hours on ALONE and say its a team effort. Now because i have dished out exactly what they did to me because I was tired of being shat on, they reported me to the supervisor who is their friend. Now i have ""anger issues"" and ""cant let things go"" when i did it but when i said the stuff they did i was ""living in the past""

Now i have to teach this girl my entire skillset so they can fire me and replace me. I'm always being abused and now I'm being painted as a bitch to the other coworkers because i fought back. They are the victims now. I always feel like nobody cares. I'm so lonely all the time. I have to care for sick parents and i am the only financial support they have. Sometimes i just want to die. But then who will care for them. I feel so alone all the time and i try to pretend im ok and keep it together but the truth is i wish i could be asleep all the time so i dont have to feel this way. Sometimes i feel so sad it feels like im numb. I feel so tired of existing only for people to abuse me.",1.1483916442393962,2.940185435986159,2.9159323337178016,93.22125977188264,80.45328719723183,5.527156221965911,21.43034730231962,6.42735559955562,0.22687379213123204,1057,31,237,9,27,351,139,289,0.227,0.647,0.126,-0.9877,2,8,0,0,2,1,26.0,0,0,9,4,18,22,5,0,13,1,28,7,1,2,5,36,57,24,1,4,4,1,9,4,1,1,4,2,0,1,17,11,2,1,9,2,1,2,3,10,0,0,12,11,47,12,26,38,3,26,0,4,0,0,24,6,2,0,21,165,64,5,0.0,0.22916999905401936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032384992640204,0.0,0.0,0.2414102718632809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041037192678544,0.0,0.0,0.14872734474945254,0.0,0.23581296971372895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958054865773588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139812040217208,0.0,0.0,0.07721470421765211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036924166289804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334286921876795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422947704971734,0.1381786398758862,0.09285633152161296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471755637081882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496226442155112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523942346786604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892581312186012,0.10093964148610388,0.0,0.08595988920456854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988920644199564,0.0,0.18898959935528328,0.0,0.08539630209579281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710393729120694,0.0,0.0,0.10738450750962306,0.0,0.09232020584241173,0.13409244650572485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199292577687372,0.07690731367594622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194168562063102,0.0,0.2869446455062084,0.0,0.0684515153633746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070929413942894,0.0,0.10974484825313176,0.0,0.0,0.07271354394250383,0.07773147085345856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642495260051844,0.0,0.0,0.07677657802087832,0.16917634430178005,0.22230679621956306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656594344574734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670519961457783,0.0,0.0,0.11408359334956453,0.07676353721377815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121120667087753,0.0,0.0,0.0704057022633359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThePurpleSaint1,2019/01/04,"I don’t know what I’m doing I don’t know what people want from me I’m trying my best at everything I can but it just doesn’t seem to be good enough for anyone, I was failing school because I had no motivation and when I asked for help everyone treated it as a joke, when I was forced to leave and start a insanely shit job people were disappointed, when I stopped that job because I didn’t want to continue with it people were disgusted, I have been looking for a job for so long but haven’t received any word back from not a single application. I have been told that I will be kicked out after one week if I do not have a job, I have no where to go everyone I know in my area is disappointed in me because my relatives twist the truth to make me look bad so no one wants to be involved with me my only sense of happiness is online but I’m afraid that they are starting to be over me because of all my self hate and my problems. I guess my relatives are right I am a useless piece is shit who’s only talent is being a disappointment. And after I post this I’m going to feel even worse about myself because I’m bringing my problems to this part of the internet. I ask for help but people just say that I have to help myself before they can help me but the only way I know how to help myself is by asking for help. I just wish I was never born",3.9715087719298254,4.1581830807017575,5.407456140350877,84.49469298245616,70.82456140350877,8.438596491228072,26.71052631578948,8.344100000000001,1.5396315789473691,1058,31,232,15,18,358,137,285,0.218,0.628,0.154,-0.9777,4,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,3,13,20,4,1,10,0,36,2,2,3,3,39,65,17,0,7,11,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,7,1,0,4,11,13,0,2,10,4,42,7,34,49,6,28,0,5,2,0,17,8,2,3,14,170,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337763651017916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651660035498311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26138182527970605,0.0,0.0,0.07166328377879916,0.07781619230796756,0.28406228518005155,0.0,0.07930438415214143,0.0,0.09780524344600224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629814444275732,0.0,0.06155620637351138,0.0,0.0,0.1781088054965535,0.08376008944985555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471235608363196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059328090339356,0.07816981472937512,0.0,0.0,0.1026677812436016,0.0,0.0,0.09921069189391216,0.0,0.09201344068508896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748107500719317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699373734314288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204876089308794,0.0,0.0,0.09868291481565042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247703775802807,0.1565252025410718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221019298167816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187981694125914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630635620784778,0.2126431670148656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009240344151856,0.0,0.2584462208404639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925764088965388,0.0,0.0,0.17835523756652671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959033238438054,0.0,0.07411455713015068,0.0,0.09432105487064713,0.0,0.08484369201049811,0.09722553385797643,0.0,0.19133221348825327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319316331193333,0.0,0.0,0.0779174560026464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905440274827675,0.0,0.06327512525969035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491126642153806,0.07397600166240638,0.0747575787966966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717276337399437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949764253329959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ezdunian,2019/01/04,"If I knew what was on the other side, I would’ve already killed myself Simple as that..
If I knew what happened after I die - I’d have already ended my life and put and end to this misery. ",5.6437500000000025,4.034291875000001,6.665000000000003,82.90000000000003,67.75,8.0,27.5,3.1291,0.9074999999999998,145,3,31,0,2,49,31,40,0.292,0.708,0.0,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,4,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6096410889152883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866773643002032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893057420561626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442643649844793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056014229820037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510549484316367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27768186151548463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622192087618845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asdf616,2019/01/04,Alprazolam? I've got 30 tablets of it. Is it enough or I need more? (I want a calm and fast death).,-3.0513636363636394,-1.6698947727272715,-0.035909090909092,105.11613636363636,110.36363636363636,4.0181818181818185,14.590909090909092,5.985473137389443,-1.0181272727272723,73,2,21,1,4,25,19,22,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.5426,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401892253134329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955327605279278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.459408897408001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654428874920442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garliccbreadu,2019/01/04,"Is the suicide hotline even correct? Hi there, I've had suicidal thoughts last year and I found this subreddit. I wanted to ask if anyone experiences my same problem.  
I've searched on google and sites to find a suicide hotline in my country (I live in Italy) and there was always this number and, occasionally, alongside with another one that didn't say it was about suicide but in my mind it was anyways helpful.

So long story short, I called the first number and it appread to be a Friendly call center, ""for people who suffer of isolation and have no friends"". That's how the man described it, I went to look up their website and he was right.   
He hung up after a long awkward silence when I told him about my situation.  
I called the other number out of distress and this time a woman took her time to talk to me even if it wasn't her task/job.  
Shouldn't hotlines be updated?",4.810438596491228,5.986150584795323,5.355804093567251,82.04493421052629,69.46783625730994,7.571345029239764,31.793859649122812,7.793537801064563,2.1832140350877185,694,30,131,8,12,223,109,171,0.16899999999999998,0.763,0.068,-0.9612,1,1,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,1,10,6,0,2,8,0,12,0,0,1,1,23,20,14,4,5,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,12,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,12,2,16,2,20,5,1,23,0,1,1,0,20,11,0,2,10,91,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911181419731628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750268715098193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169011096293546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225901403496096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016994059067457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732220816189438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827165333257207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198517071263066,0.11154028619039974,0.0,0.143778791526714,0.20262356025912698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789460094765816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301276623221454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688957786671492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579141238063395,0.23209429248319804,0.11011733425168757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240531404916994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888580178709734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090998901249513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547502249996373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119854833866006,0.0,0.10428093786717947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739716709461564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737457918919605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105398437352119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410366946354488,0.1529275262693966,0.0,0.0,0.1253016546193986,0.14569178989371687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734468635764721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156010448132785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444431043155587
suicidewatch,I-Cut-Myself,2019/01/04,"Going to see what happens if i take a few hundred tablets Hopefully i die. Just got banned from my favourite game, the only thing i have in my life that gives me something. And i know they would repeal it or not because the company doesn't care how much it means to people like me. Riot games is evil

goodbye",2.2727956989247318,4.475969612903229,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,78.67741935483872,5.423655913978496,24.849462365591396,6.42735559955562,0.7225720430107536,244,9,50,2,6,76,54,62,0.244,0.6829999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9236,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,14,4,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,9,3,4,12,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,3,1,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102690008565286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860498326792328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911772034658164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691389185683728,0.1594488329817864,0.0,0.22438962977755625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480984673350569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786595933438137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418855425468087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198167973630998,0.13706754707089294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30561231797583666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624403618475556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337868240115435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450512394306335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357016329412396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159889567606625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094636193802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639173711232027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930192367608127,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkkkk_x,2019/01/04,"Nobody to be alive for (pls don’t say oh be alive for yourself love yourself and all that coz it’s not that easy) I have bpd and my day goes like this:

Wake up and dread being alive and getting up
Getting up and trying to waste some time by revising or watching YouTube 
Lunch
Maybe go shops or something
Dinner 
Watch tv with my mom which tbh is my only escape and the only time I feel somewhat ok 
Cry myself to sleep and repeat

Like I’m so fucking lame nobody texts me except my one closest friend and my fp used to show lots of interest in me and used to be really possessive of me which used to make me feel wanted and good but now she’s relaxed a lot and she doesn’t put effort into me or really care about me and I feel like if I’m just going to live a lonely lame life forever with nobody that cares if I live or die then what’s the point

I have no motivation to do anything I just want close friends, my fp to go back to how she was and an interesting life 

I want attention.... and I feel disgusting in admitting that but I do",2.568645439827306,3.8469710183486256,4.025855369670803,89.03930113329734,75.05504587155963,7.147760388559092,22.91527253103076,7.724431198458867,0.8693693470048571,814,22,179,11,17,270,125,218,0.12,0.679,0.201,0.9348,0,2,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,19,2,1,5,1,12,8,2,7,1,51,35,25,1,5,12,1,4,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,9,18,2,0,7,4,1,4,4,6,0,1,1,7,25,13,25,30,5,20,0,3,2,2,9,9,1,10,10,113,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970875750563704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251275486897886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790844017925055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27185169286780103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644276588806215,0.08597861295829319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836228279751955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269636878794336,0.09524188750621644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060011910668917,0.1232496719844893,0.13930554686667024,0.0,0.2273018381057815,0.11182020461469012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883318672106312,0.19539625854410334,0.0,0.235443191652771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266831585356633,0.12032404524640734,0.0,0.08899031592199116,0.0,0.13393512124615406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561395805597129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033923544653114,0.2027875894536959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602791630797033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402068330206116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081291959511544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601924760743048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334135545927308,0.0,0.0,0.1026341511655064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554767496836046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051367817685094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454299616546232,0.0,0.0,0.2359019478089464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WelcomeToSilence,2019/01/04,"Feeling Calm? Sorry this may be a little long.

​

Over the past year my depression and mental health overall has declined greatly. It was always bad but it got to the point where I was hospitalized twice for suicidal thoughts. I had to withdraw from college and I'm moving back in this Saturday, but ever since the holidays I've reached new lows. I was in constant stress and pain and then I realized once I move back in on the 5th I can kill myself. I went through a lot of emotions and thought about the situation and now I feel pretty calm. Still bad, but it's manageable. I don't know if this is a good thing or not, all I know is it's stopped my overwhelming feelings to realize I could have the perfect opportunity so long as my roommate hasn't moved back in yet. Maybe I feel this way because in my mind it's already over. I plan on texting my only real friend at this point (we don't know each other irl) so he doesn't wonder where I went, and writing some sort of short letter for my family. 

​

I don't know if I'm having second thoughts or not. I guess there are a few reasons to not do it but I know I'll kill myself one day anyways, so why wait? I don't really know why I'm posting this, I guess just accepting my fate for what it is has created a kind of inner peace. I still have worries about the whole process but it feels so much more tangible now, and now I feel a eerie calm knowing everything could be over for me tomorrow if everything goes well. It scares me but it's so tempting to try and end things in a way I know could succeed instead of just hurting myself like usual. I feel very in control of my life for better or for worse, I have the materials, I think I have the willpower, and I have the best chance I could ask for. 

​

I'm going to be alone forever, I don't get enjoyment out of anything, I can't maintain relationships, I'm trans and will never be a real girl, I have severe anxiety, I've been depressed since I was 11, I can't be honest with people, and I can't imagine any future that's not me hanging from somewhere. 

​

I don't know why I'm writing anymore, just want to share this strange sense of clarity and calmness. maybe a part of me wants to be saved, or maybe I just want to tell somebody my plan. idk what I want out of this post, all I know is that this could be my last 24hrs and it helps clear my head to write. ",3.6535714285714285,4.633838654471546,4.642285714285716,86.81700000000002,72.00813008130079,7.655377468060394,28.488037166085945,7.957251820313856,1.6717363995354244,1886,71,400,25,35,615,233,492,0.155,0.674,0.171,0.7069,1,1,0,0,0,3,59.0,1,0,0,8,27,32,2,3,19,0,47,4,1,2,6,98,88,34,3,12,21,0,7,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,27,19,0,3,27,1,0,7,16,12,1,3,12,7,57,20,48,62,11,60,0,5,0,0,13,23,0,14,27,270,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266260089405071,0.06676628759620383,0.0,0.050343133624381316,0.2622188113996364,0.2940698477072493,0.04114394378794915,0.0,0.04628443708952639,0.0,0.060002469055607126,0.0,0.0,0.04978860694440102,0.0,0.05656190268719637,0.0,0.0,0.13956863722653326,0.1010345357891986,0.0368819139913723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349390195171895,0.05350976444897755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538197726092043,0.06785897722831527,0.24153260809037655,0.0,0.0,0.03901926759115188,0.0,0.10422185745841382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805744874800998,0.053587477108412496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472819997278264,0.0,0.0,0.10875193843635833,0.0,0.05703660679039261,0.0,0.21414405323844704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674427349877208,0.0,0.03161018899408784,0.0,0.03438510632604432,0.05074683500738071,0.04838957510115072,0.0667044939449,0.13330119748601724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209327512554973,0.06431159254494448,0.0,0.0,0.04055371705549427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476944374326614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387465423585174,0.0630043022719303,0.3325072835692608,0.04931781531802351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273488062779969,0.02955858686291612,0.060639648757689374,0.0,0.1070860572330697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143727327632699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234942932699294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060972540208680114,0.0,0.061090528709396935,0.0,0.0,0.1929145403210752,0.04447648176976892,0.0,0.046663449610403925,0.0584339316318323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064433452682152,0.040998228287052935,0.04601506668231955,0.06437919029058936,0.0,0.0,0.06551858080356969,0.057756719584662934,0.04194498788527748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143893073213776,0.0,0.11588981734334762,0.06155304647534635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773074732948593,0.038759610026163134,0.062206902297939765,0.0,0.06495730949423477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060573806156533225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835088451572224,0.0,0.10009699775005848,0.06800762441251762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677278736449546,0.0,0.0,0.09663514640197148,0.05058300697846302,0.06930569412456193,0.0,0.0,0.0661801869947138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052882069058795736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039067554210742,0.03876771832055118,0.0,0.14409727254046248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041077394806952265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663522983887507,0.049921103970343404,0.14274435482843129,0.09604853136378587,0.0,0.0,0.05439923709565884,0.11217330824012202,0.16378296008180224,0.06754915815437006,0.0,0.0,0.06561265000184532,0.0,0.061443478094968015,0.0616574697362454,0.0,0.0,0.2940698477072493,0.03896178644951096
suicidewatch,smilester101,2019/01/04,"I don't want to die, I want to get help I don't even have the energy to explain my situation at this point. I'm a mentally ill, traumatized lgbt adult male who lives with his abusive mother. I've been used by one of my ex's for sex, and the other scammed me and put me in 3k+ debt and fuck. I already deal with dissociation and depression and anxiety and fuck me. I honestly have so little control of myself, I'm trying my hardest to get the help I need, even tried setting up a gofundme page to pay for the scam, and expenses to get out of my abusive household, but I can't find anyone to help me with that. I seriously just want to end myself already. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me last june and i've been the worst since then. I've been abused my entire life, at the the time of writing this I honestly want to just spend my christmas money on supplies for a suicide attempt, like drugs or a weapon.",5.987777777777778,5.064274153439153,6.702693121693122,80.67054761904762,66.72486772486772,9.888042328042328,33.18571428571428,9.120678840339163,2.5996831746031743,721,27,154,11,10,239,107,189,0.248,0.6559999999999999,0.096,-0.9801,1,0,1,0,1,2,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,3,0,11,0,8,6,0,2,0,27,22,12,2,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,13,0,1,2,0,5,1,3,7,0,2,3,0,24,3,29,19,2,17,0,2,0,3,12,9,2,1,7,96,29,1,0.0,0.4728092621095894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29357456336811016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175744300383303,0.0,0.0,0.09300839830308222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491895859995508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713441952423,0.11456712436152774,0.0,0.13805037682367774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542571898757102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781335132219688,0.0,0.0,0.17571260622223972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157489173738703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459436678383345,0.20848727178109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674749534418669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842639765911634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395365814534168,0.06498526085904728,0.13331771952411514,0.117456219538527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404958934863373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863022821734624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013558639826193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574381532920278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371856446667418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003282295196434,0.1495163903926753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549872548026516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756313153835527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061927177505893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488375639285656,0.0,0.0,0.3138268814305169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565842026543255
suicidewatch,ExE6,2019/01/04,"I went to a party to try and feel better  

Well that was a fucking failure.

I got there around 3, and it went well at the start. There was a little Secret Santa thing we did, and I got my own gift back (yay), but it was still fun. My friend's brother (his name is Ryan) has an Oculus Rift, and so I decided to play some Beat Saber. After playing for a single song, another guy who was there kicked me off and started playing another game for way longer than me. So, since everyone was playing Just Dance (and I wasn't about to play that), I went to Ryan's room and lay on his bed under a blanket I brought into the room with me. At first, I was just doing it because I was bored, but soon it became me seeing if anybody there cared enough about me in order to check in. After about an hour, the brother walked into his room (where I still was) and shouted something along the lines of ""Hey everyone! OP's lying in my bed seductively!"" Everyone subsequently rushed over to the room where I was, and so I left, but they still followed me while laughing. After they finally went back to what they were doing, I went into Ryan's room and lay down on the floor. I was in there for a bit and started slowly crying to myself because nobody cared enough to check on me and they seemed to just think of it as one big fucking joke. I then left and went back to where the one guy was in VR and I asked for a turn. I went onto Beat Saber again and played until 15 to 30 mins before everyone was gonna go home. I then went into my blanket again and legitimately and honestly felt like I wanted to kill myself.

​

TL;DR: I went to a party, cried, and wanted to die.",3.729796155334797,4.4430607952522285,4.725534769707135,87.27995742484846,71.6112759643917,7.285201909431041,24.147722874467807,7.255503002510835,0.84644585214811,1276,32,273,12,23,417,160,337,0.08,0.764,0.156,0.9695,1,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,1,0,4,4,29,22,3,0,17,1,19,2,0,0,0,43,50,30,2,3,7,2,2,1,1,1,0,2,8,2,10,26,0,0,6,10,2,15,1,4,2,3,28,5,41,18,53,21,6,73,0,0,1,2,19,33,2,3,24,198,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590951531118636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042554241989005,0.07395808470637875,0.0,0.0,0.18249437525888573,0.0,0.09645063512775877,0.0,0.06731761499983667,0.0,0.0,0.06996723065738894,0.08636869779738135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613178279339905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737993878978426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210470456676004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634855747788101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023757166689763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000088721091324,0.0,0.07595894459720108,0.08666220886789944,0.0,0.06729175699381262,0.0,0.0,0.061120944924345534,0.1462736477258814,0.0,0.0,0.04496059159047853,0.0,0.12654455116294014,0.0,0.0,0.15666461094501516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935476068385969,0.0,0.07790837708230136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752457526728105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719086169211848,0.0,0.0,0.03864962752575967,0.0792899825910815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072152914386201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304120648428896,0.07201966265787094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544141804593856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090349544345016,0.0,0.0,0.16798547103503034,0.0,0.18953438631834088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052557818150378924,0.05069111998018741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371116069858866,0.08605002616210866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332340837385113,0.06279461157637249,0.0,0.0,0.14226053912411413,0.6600300179652607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluefloweravenue,2019/01/04,"No one knows how suicidal I am - I can’t bring myself to confide in anyone Sorry for the very long & messy post ahead. 

For the past few weeks I have been the most depressed I have ever been. Constantly wishing I could die on the spot, wishing I had never been born, wishing that somehow I could instantly disappear. I find no enjoyment in anything anymore and everything is a tremendous effort: even hanging out with my closest friends is agony. Next to them, I feel so completely and utterly useless: I am not funny, quirky, outgoing, attractive or talented; I’m immature, I take everything way too seriously, I bring nothing to the conversation and meeting new people makes me incredibly anxious. I have a deeply fractured relationship with my family, with my mother especially, and confiding in them is no longer an option. Emotionally, there is no (or very little) connection. 

I am a good listener; people are happy to vent to me and I am happy to listen and advise. However next to them, my problems seems infinitesimally small and unimportant which makes it all the more difficult to explain. Whenever i do attempt to open up, I feel incredibly selfish and guilty for complaining about my life which, in comparison to most people’s, is relatively easy. No matter how many times people say they care, that I need to tell them whenever I feel depressed, that they love me, to me it is a stream of lies in an attempt to get me to shut up and get over it. It does work. Or is it just my mind playing tricks? 

I overreact a lot - I know I do. I wish I didn’t. I love my friends dearly. Maybe they do too, more than I realise. But I really don’t see the point in my trying to talk anymore. I can’t change myself, no matter how much I want to or try to. I can’t talk to anyone or be my real self to anyone. I am slowly destroying myself from the inside. No one can tell how terrible my mental state is currently: I’m crumbling to pieces. I began the new year with the thought that I wouldn’t make it to the next one - every hour that thought becomes more and more real. It doesn’t even scare me anymore. I know that I won’t be able to do it. I’m stuck. 
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suicidewatch,leudo,2019/01/04,"Update Didnt kill myself, but...got kicked out of my Dads and moved in with a friend. Friend is not well either and sick of me already. Little sister has been messaging me everyday with support and i appreciate it so much. But my sister and i have been talking about me going to the psych ward secretly, which they might not admit me because of bed space. So, in my mind, it is not looking very good. Needing support please. ",3.496898954703834,5.479678585365857,4.232229965156797,85.58402439024394,74.12195121951221,6.636933797909408,25.12891986062717,7.447530270364453,1.2550919860627174,332,11,63,4,7,106,59,82,0.097,0.688,0.214,0.9044,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,17,14,7,1,1,5,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,3,1,11,6,10,10,2,9,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,1,2,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383651533711671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167368445501984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33376742433683265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227597255767963,0.18117342666695427,0.17275767315850005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389757888175225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649218036382434,0.0,0.0,0.18138847713968306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914550170376835,0.21810188599087296,0.0,0.0,0.2295774591575755,0.15878737279176905,0.16016380442730652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371068986432845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902362592520493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361537285770393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822544929134948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421302217675596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alwaysherealright,2019/01/04,I can’t form a sentence or talk about what I’m going through right now. I just want attention.,1.2325000000000017,3.2899092500000013,2.4700000000000024,95.165,81.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.9305,75,3,17,1,2,24,18,20,0.0,0.833,0.16699999999999998,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972999202375661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970054602793718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5618892797640708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123320155676161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Life2311,2019/01/04,Benylin and Mybulen combo Will enough of this kill me or just give me bad stomach problems?,3.3223529411764723,6.312985058823532,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,80.76470588235293,3.4000000000000004,32.029411764705884,3.1291,1.0973764705882352,74,4,13,0,2,21,16,17,0.458,0.542,0.0,-0.9157,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801300911920776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704139503996927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367349266236336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036870227142934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356303663152035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManicPixieMeme,2019/01/04,"Every day I regret not killing myself when I was 12 When I was 12 I tried to hang myself, but it didn't work. I think everyone would have been better off if it did. If I had died then, I wouldn't have gone through years of intense bullying. I wouldn't have been raped when I was 14. I've been diagnosed with major depression, PTSD, anxiety, and OCD. I've been on countless medications and have been institutionalized twice. I've been seeing a therapist twice a week since middle school. I'm almost 25. 

I'm unemployed. I had to drop out of college because I had a psychotic break.  My parents help me with everything. I don't deserve it. I've never been in a relationship. I'm overweight and ugly.  The only men who have touched me are my rapist, and a random one night stand. Who would want to be in a relationship with the crazy girl?

I feel like I'm a leech to society. All this money has been spent on my medical bills, that could have gone to more deserving people. My parents have spent so much money keeping me afloat. Not to mention the emotional toll it takes on my family and friends to have me constantly struggling. The food I eat, the apartment I live in, everything I own could all be used by people who actually deserve it.  I'm a complete waste of oxygen. I feel so guilty. I've contributed nothing of value to society. I'm a freeloader and a nuisance. 

I should have killed myself in middle school. My family would be over it by now. Maybe it would've even raised awareness about bullying or depression. That would've done more good than I will ever do. I want to fix the mistake I made 13 years ago, and do it right this time. I want to free my friends and family from having to deal with me. It's selfish of me to have lived this long. I wish I could just get the courage to go through with it. I'm even a failure at suicide. I don't want to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts again. I'm so tired. I just want to have never existed. Death doesn't scare me, but the pain of dying does. I'm such a fucking coward. I don't know what to do.",1.917064962476548,4.095833100961542,3.4574577861163256,88.34607879924955,79.76923076923076,6.943151969981239,24.088649155722326,8.015777009494485,1.3762038696060035,1614,58,337,30,41,532,195,416,0.232,0.64,0.127,-0.9962,4,0,0,0,0,3,51.0,0,0,0,2,15,20,5,2,21,0,51,11,0,2,5,55,84,20,7,19,9,2,3,1,2,7,6,0,0,2,19,14,3,1,5,0,6,5,11,13,0,3,23,4,44,8,47,48,7,41,0,3,1,3,14,15,1,5,19,223,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.08529451903146247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774791201250474,0.0,0.08752332523945998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686446609927901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328118138247128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773024812651054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164231554436428,0.09445358476782498,0.0,0.20935696619956035,0.0,0.0,0.05636889328524763,0.09011055579469293,0.15056332739561265,0.08871407637375044,0.181424856376782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648856762559576,0.08944550129339347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943697562299499,0.0,0.09831868465446847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546014969657152,0.07906268503766158,0.0736423504541118,0.08351907369067026,0.15710767502137868,0.0,0.24719252307923906,0.0,0.08838903026906253,0.0624420377161438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569028379783528,0.0,0.13505753066191406,0.08080436946459632,0.045665423267409036,0.0,0.0993483737011101,0.0733110358981668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858562423502936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768944098173752,0.1934010186273047,0.0,0.048035416196108884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270159158282792,0.0,0.1543601564199579,0.0773505360961419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827045763538203,0.0,0.0,0.08780991338315065,0.0,0.0,0.17610236889701064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425261695972685,0.0,0.1348240074094501,0.0,0.0,0.08202352473108343,0.0,0.08386730473436471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922778406330625,0.0664753221538532,0.09300491606623083,0.0,0.19410547025410596,0.0,0.0,0.1211910264811002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217158479763504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876801833055232,0.0,0.0746432588433102,0.0,0.0,0.08750749631941257,0.17691673604482774,0.06965034398809303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723021898241139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137452013343696,0.0,0.1912134249874385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571756470335115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148376012131216,0.0,0.056005494511620006,0.0,0.0693896825848373,0.05096646718122543,0.10045900992053043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934215138456735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548972151745824,0.0,0.0,0.2577682066173628,0.0,0.07011089333905178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005112565536644,0.0,0.0,0.06363176711114832,0.0,0.0,0.3104494655502309,0.0,0.0,0.1125717071672106
suicidewatch,energydoesntlie,2019/01/04,Doing it I’m at the point in my life where I’m so disgusted with myself and ashamed of who I am that I don’t want to live anymore. I have no motivation or energy  to even do the basics or care for myself. So even though I think about how I should kill myself almost constantly I don’t even have the motivation to do it. How pathetic ,1.8672300469483567,3.396340816901408,4.3151408450704265,85.20163145539908,77.45070422535211,8.11361502347418,21.6924882629108,8.841846274778883,1.3462093896713614,262,7,58,6,6,92,45,71,0.225,0.634,0.142,-0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,2,10,4,2,1,3,0,9,1,0,4,0,12,14,8,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,9,13,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,1,48,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27519926238680625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27255425903257696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28020415824216915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969900513580566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445613716909112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30405504775711617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941182405937532,0.0,0.0,0.24267702965159044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598000831376983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760978657636437,0.2700158579550025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620999205269816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Duckb3ak,2019/01/04,Im going insane and i dont think i can live much longer I dont think im going to make it,-3.8887500000000017,-2.5946423750000007,0.8049999999999997,103.54,97.75,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.39865,69,0,21,0,3,27,15,24,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080322818826132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29484723021408754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603953727846429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22905591143727666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315223922605175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906896453240128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332427483578162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eightyeightysix,2019/01/04,"I've never gotten better, I'm worse since my suicide attempts 3 years ago Why am I like this, why am I selfish, why am I such an awful person, why do I have to hurt people. 

I don't deserve my parents, they deserved a better son - not the broken disappointment they got. I know they still love me but that just makes it worse. 

I feel like an impostor, what the fuck did I do to deserve the life i have - there are people who would do great things given everything I have and here I am sitting in bed, tears in my eyes feeling sorry for myself in a house my family owns, living rent free and even getting government assistance. All of that and the best I can do is failing my 2nd year of tertiary? I'm a fucking joke  ",3.8067123287671234,4.5644313150684965,5.0560547945205485,84.81736986301371,71.46575342465755,7.4838356164383555,26.928767123287678,7.554174236665415,1.4070789041095892,556,18,114,6,10,185,95,146,0.188,0.62,0.191,0.5441,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,5,6,15,2,0,9,1,17,5,1,1,2,13,30,4,1,1,3,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,7,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,3,6,0,0,4,3,22,10,8,25,3,9,0,3,1,3,8,3,2,0,7,78,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719068499321556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057852481331502,0.25380142489784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477040721180466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289549543890644,0.0,0.13526477105447307,0.0,0.1451005288607264,0.10250562392384516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26529891114043136,0.07496492547298822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475796275073832,0.15819258208889805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556228199705494,0.15360352714275066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885553527268521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134761111232947,0.14019892520603372,0.0,0.12669977407479194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295007024112046,0.0,0.09577726875864784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066438176028423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593229742587688,0.0,0.0,0.19894869286440067,0.1252854590577449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869217197351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061957115117512,0.0,0.0,0.11458720714150135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694916556098584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532497578335283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5178911309714769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29244669334278,0.10192753896890587,0.0,0.0,0.18479911132631013
suicidewatch,dirk_diggler33,2019/01/04,"I Am Decaying I’m not going to tell my whole story; I’m just going to say that the things I am going through are extremely overwhelming and life changing in very horrible ways. It has made me numb to sadness, anger, and love. I almost don’t even feel as anxious about the situation anymore because I knew it was coming for about 2 years now. I’ve lost friends, my girlfriend that I’ve slowly pushed away due to my lack of communication about my feelings or anything lately. I’m at the end of my road, and I’m only 20 years old.


On a good note; my best friend is taking me hiking to see my first mountain this weekend, and hopefully skydiving the following. These are on the top of my bucket list. 

He doesn’t know I feel this way but I guess I should tell him sometime soon. My family and him are the only reason I’m around right now.",4.590161377084456,5.166544390532547,5.553297471759013,82.6125067240452,69.59171597633136,8.51231845077999,28.38138784292631,8.575989854853784,1.9343917159763317,658,22,134,10,11,217,109,169,0.091,0.821,0.08800000000000001,0.1289,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,10,12,1,1,7,0,11,3,0,2,0,23,33,8,0,3,4,0,3,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,1,0,6,3,6,0,1,4,5,20,6,20,28,3,29,0,3,1,1,10,9,0,4,12,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742577334783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632370066281174,0.1460088303603275,0.0,0.0,0.1211546187955201,0.13106253250342462,0.0,0.0,0.13832386206736005,0.0,0.0,0.08974772552009241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154504814633415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557457989776443,0.12682233571393334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039871488136656,0.0,0.0,0.09724151712302047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387917593435918,0.0,0.2233259723718713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252305312131082,0.0,0.0,0.2274931950974832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510161282777448,0.12348635215409982,0.0,0.0,0.16218625863984848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622883701006242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091166967686755,0.0,0.16607756725505196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399021964030604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607147898129906,0.0,0.1328773943412344,0.1393089910033432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448913165549558,0.0,0.0,0.22394431999161574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137305493952144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573037107616586,0.0,0.11708018412482805,0.0,0.0,0.11732022061882932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548841826581867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561047718234474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069578049531814,0.0,0.2573643775609695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781054590355076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147703445755127,0.0,0.2337226108021815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437279547286715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189617692664277
suicidewatch,needhelpneedadvice,2019/01/04,"Need help asking for help Hi. I haven't told anyone about this. If you don't want the details, skip to the last paragraph. 


I'm a 19 year old college freshman who's just coming out of a really bad depression. October was the worst month of my life, mentally. I did worse than I have ever done academically (ending the semester with a 1.0 GPA and on academic probation) and have never felt so bad. I probably should've taken some time off before college to sort my mental health out, but to be fair, it was never this severe. I've been struggling with depression since I was nine, triggered by a traumatic death in the family. When I turned 19, a lot of unresolved childhood issues resurfaced and I realized, holy shit. I've wasted my entire childhood - 10 years - feeling like this. So alongside working through childhood trauma, I've been feeling like it's now or never when it comes to getting better. If I can't help myself now, when will I? How much more time am I gonna waste?


Dealing with all of that in a brand new place was difficult. I feel like the suicidal thoughts were inevitable. Like I've said, I've dealt with depression for a long time, so suicidal thoughts are not a stranger to me. But it got to the point where it's all I could think about. Multiple times a day, suicide. How I'd do it. How I'd make it easier on my family. Maybe I'd pack my stuff up in my dorm to make getting my things less traumatic. Should I call 911 beforehand so my roommate doesn't have to be the one to find me? And though I never actually took active steps to make it happen, it was really fucking scary not being able to get it out of my head. I felt so completely lost and lonely in a city with 100,000 strangers. I didn't make a single friend, and eventually started going home every weekend. Probably counterproductive to my social life but it got to the point where I was afraid of being alone. I felt like I was just a few bad days away from doing something awful. 


Anyways, the semester is over. I'm home for now but I go back in a week or so. I'm deathly afraid of sinking back into the hole again, and I've already talked to my mom about beginning antidepressants and therapy. So I sort of have a game plan for once in my life. But lately I've gotten the nagging feeling that maybe I should open up about the suicidal thoughts. I'm afraid to tell my current counselor at university and I'm afraid my family won't know what to do or how to support me. But more than that, I'm afraid of not being able to stop myself from turning these thoughts into something more. 


So I guess what I'm asking is how do I tell people I've had these persistent suicidal thoughts? Is it even a good idea? Do I open up to anyone? My future therapist? My family? My mom knows I've had a shit semester so part of me is afraid that she'll want to pull me out of school altogether. But as much as she cares I'm also afraid she won't know how to help me. What if no one does? The thoughts aren't really there now, but I have no reason to think they won't return when I go back. Has anyone actually felt better telling anyone? Usually I'm able to gauge stuff like this on my own but I really need help. I don't know what to do. ",2.901203703703704,4.617824243827163,4.240617283950616,86.03277777777778,75.08024691358024,7.639506172839508,24.962962962962962,8.401726058763845,1.5622333333333338,2522,84,520,46,54,832,271,648,0.207,0.7040000000000001,0.09,-0.9984,1,3,2,0,0,1,70.0,0,1,1,6,41,35,4,8,30,1,52,8,3,12,7,100,117,47,7,10,20,2,8,6,1,8,4,1,3,0,30,24,0,1,24,2,0,8,19,23,0,3,33,9,60,12,78,70,15,81,0,5,0,1,27,29,3,12,50,337,90,8,0.1674843662209379,0.0,0.10896038768090216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057821097587618886,0.061607720962467326,0.044645729052149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561452840895476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438351579269636,0.0,0.05245235843758933,0.12878513943095105,0.1398424499678325,0.0,0.0,0.04750561994918759,0.0,0.0,0.0987508742998435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700675459543874,0.0,0.0569204912033736,0.0,0.0,0.09618196761336968,0.058534723819746275,0.0,0.0,0.044574212700168016,0.0,0.0,0.07200904038439329,0.057556342453315035,0.1442540392088479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885556584572322,0.05713155199131721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944714549271108,0.0,0.0,0.03687394810208393,0.05049973263592103,0.047037600694207815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051913966163174,0.0,0.11291350387125705,0.11965086469319675,0.2144150088374215,0.0,0.05102589216360369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043132668626454304,0.05161219925471161,0.08750366868814848,0.0,0.0951852250020932,0.04682598004806303,0.08930169843660896,0.0,0.061500970582257126,0.0,0.0493686239745206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729575966116895,0.05934268312360245,0.0,0.0,0.1871020670982909,0.0,0.11200031677341266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302315439877205,0.0,0.05827005484341038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227267034406013,0.045507370770215515,0.06297655340090727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829916096300347,0.16364880274687565,0.0,0.0,0.049406131226628736,0.0,0.0,0.06094299013562598,0.047463072954475716,0.0,0.0,0.14906281998652493,0.0,0.11217370486520087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125232322715742,0.0,0.0,0.1307704436634796,0.04456147440783119,0.0,0.08208018678037096,0.08279169024408457,0.17223235775100215,0.053919148185775465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058582222815322216,0.05945512797563516,0.07566116072051618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060456415794978124,0.0,0.038704190429739785,0.0,0.05832850515688611,0.0,0.105551241206738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038431609999962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305969824457807,0.057400607652309275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053105328603353215,0.0,0.0,0.0565010400597183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306988710005597,0.11461353007385212,0.04618159949121498,0.0,0.0,0.056909739852887775,0.0,0.0859584317751198,0.0,0.0,0.03951543214949397,0.0,0.0,0.04667480987139492,0.0,0.058363674776237134,0.12781968602628474,0.3053345213884602,0.06335309133599508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044872529791118165,0.1463887182493633,0.0,0.06384432306029783,0.06482075267963587,0.03708972360973383,0.07154481276804875,0.054850846482499084,0.26592775718834993,0.1302153077560318,0.0,0.0,0.053346163102980036,0.062027097806831986,0.0,0.12144993073461385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614867891264439,0.0,0.06585774571160545,0.0,0.044781952027067286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040643537779339066,0.0,0.05689362592294794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190296043709307
suicidewatch,discardaways,2019/01/04,I have been suicidal off and on for the past 6 years. I am going to therapy for the first time in my life tomorrow. What should I expect? Don't want to trouble anyone too much but if you have any experience with it I would really appreciate a quick comment.  Thanks in advance.,1.822060606060603,4.277083963636365,4.0759090909090885,82.16719696969697,82.0909090909091,8.03030303030303,23.71212121212121,8.841846274778883,2.0985757575757567,218,8,43,6,6,75,47,55,0.069,0.763,0.168,0.7655,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,10,3,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,9,7,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215010580543492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181364801414387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051662460218961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265361282345683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729957980688385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035343751917585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933363806688944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978103954742897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985578947918786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412442362237595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872198014313986,0.3567645604051518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819120510751075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400782224509335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161433647187145,0.0,0.0,0.20089826974859676
suicidewatch,Duck_face_hunterop,2019/01/04,"Out of all the afterlife possibilities there’s only two that’s a problem. Hell, and living my life over and over again. I mean the odds seem pretty good on literally anything else happening. I mean nothing is better. ",4.058499999999999,6.817819850000002,5.4200000000000035,74.01500000000001,75.5,8.0,27.5,8.841846274778883,2.6310000000000002,174,7,29,4,4,58,34,40,0.212,0.655,0.133,-0.5583,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,5,5,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204636597261856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199309598951048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773428763799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085750189660012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199006122507617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564501384483844,0.0,0.0,0.21958271465164705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417553486414854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23860834131297465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912693578999987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803413157073545,0.0,0.2529897250566124,0.0,0.23794636834507266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263824563420028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24291727649773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CupsBreak,2019/01/04,"Having a flashback. Need support. I need support. I’m spiraling. I’m having a flashback.

I was with a man for five years who turned out to be very abusive but in a completely underhanded way. He had me convinced that everything was all in my head. I was completely isolated for years and his abuse broke the ptsd wide open. I guess I’ve had symptoms since I was a kid (bad childhood) but I didn’t know about any of it until him. It’s been six months since I left him and most of the time I can function fine but every once and a while this pain will kick in and it comes back. Right now I feel like I’m sitting in the spare room back in that house. I can feel the walls. Alone, hopeless and in too much pain but pretending everything is fine, sidetracking myself and numbing the pain, because I’m pretty sure it’s all my fault. I’m sitting in that room and I can’t get out. I can feel the walls around me. It’s dark. He’s either sleeping or not home and I’m alone. It’s like I’m there and I can’t breathe.",0.471430817610063,2.6772526839622692,1.9370754716981118,96.90784591194969,85.83962264150944,5.231446540880504,20.62578616352201,6.6274283507984215,0.16103710691823905,787,25,181,9,24,253,112,212,0.204,0.6779999999999999,0.118,-0.9771,0,2,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,16,0,0,12,0,18,8,3,0,3,33,37,16,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,3,2,11,15,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,8,0,2,8,3,21,8,18,27,5,32,0,2,0,0,8,18,0,3,12,108,32,0,0.0,0.2895372912114191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530925736883272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308964578877354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087701042560104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879046677382621,0.10201894882056134,0.07448253345253482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525112260618676,0.2562162345539296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294570594912113,0.0,0.2196230893686512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534045416319586,0.08728862691034811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383635512364831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134599995316645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539654104714004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256100977301708,0.0,0.0,0.14098450124457002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714940248885239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275381021235033,0.0,0.0,0.1193863439593629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975264973838848,0.0,0.08981966180070823,0.18119650817878075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301224984143546,0.0,0.0,0.39003874871469296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430555649248265,0.0,0.0,0.14282713493083185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043448902511028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021445520739806,0.0,0.12227273415668224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773070316252873,0.1151574395786555,0.1269964728486439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124676101930437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290164328562645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081500372590137,0.0,0.09698436409839688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736561628960305
suicidewatch,Aishwariya_,2019/01/04,"I m having sucidal thoughts from a long time I dont  know what to do ..my head is bursting with pain..i was searching things related to suicide and came across this app..i have many friends nd a loving parents but i cant share my feelings with anyone of them...i cant discuss it with parents because i don't want to hurt them nd talking about friends..i dont think they have enough time for me..so i chose this platform to let go my feelings..atleast may be then i could feel better.

I have been not happy for a long time..i always have a feeling that I am a burden to everyone..i didnt do well in my high school..nd then when i joined college i thought i will score well but now again i got my results today and i got to kndow i have to give reexam for 2 subjects...m tired..m tired of thinking that everything will get alright..i have read things like its nothing..u can overcome this ..try talking to others nd things like this....but its easy to say..i cant..m done...m feeling miserable...i m failing in everything i do..i dont want to try anything now...m disgrace for my family and friends...i cant even cry in front of others...everyone thinks that these thinks doesn't affect me much..m always been their for my friends even before they asked but now wheni need..not even one friend knows what i m going through...they are too buzy with their lifes that they dont even have time to talk..o cant think of anything other than killing myself",0.5744733044733046,2.8856549898989954,1.9032669552669568,96.53109090909092,86.64309764309765,4.606406926406926,22.29042809042809,6.025991092188313,0.21216159692159708,1120,41,246,9,35,357,149,297,0.135,0.7340000000000001,0.131,-0.2714,2,0,0,0,0,2,67.0,0,0,6,2,12,15,1,0,5,0,34,4,1,2,0,31,58,9,2,3,4,2,4,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,18,8,0,0,13,1,0,4,12,4,2,1,9,4,31,11,31,43,1,22,0,2,0,1,18,6,0,1,14,141,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884374901475764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625390566718215,0.0,0.14720424380253144,0.0,0.08361503388113402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452225511302943,0.0,0.07610749631166433,0.0,0.0,0.07910308095745097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229639835245133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141116634835946,0.0,0.09824647139858317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152894725107556,0.4192956028357835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241621067174467,0.0,0.2362991050050572,0.0,0.0,0.08546447590714852,0.16076716986137576,0.0,0.08431678537439226,0.0,0.18089573588578656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730512023070125,0.0,0.04672910383419628,0.08579972373749792,0.1016624863685647,0.0,0.14306788737120368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521134862995716,0.0,0.0,0.09179202001259212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449907007070063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574817988365383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989529455158318,0.0,0.09830860158691623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145923350194922,0.06317465152049337,0.0873924717734308,0.0,0.0,0.15830451025062586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072377490397192,0.0,0.0,0.09067888899164346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574924734515157,0.0663191877784965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060737147133476,0.0,0.0951712711497264,0.0,0.1986267513863832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946496061897395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112687960103484,0.0,0.09051882077425133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783367098567224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156672767911733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826139344236094,0.28655012710533545,0.0,0.14201194034887818,0.20861449793444714,0.10279899253681808,0.0847793792994483,0.0,0.0,0.12144880548049615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550895123991023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608359633167361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluetortoiseshellcat,2019/01/04,"My low self esteem is driving me to kill myself. These days since the start of my 2019, I've been incredibly miserable. I've had depression since I was about 11 and I'm now almost 18. I've not really left my bed and my thoughts are getting worse than usual. I can't stop thinking about last year and how I've been pretty much alone besides family. I've had no friends even after trying for year. I've talked to about 3 people my age this year. All I can think about is how I'm such a loser and just constantly thinking about hating myself and wanting to die. I'm trying therapy and medication for two years now and it hasn't helped. I am so alone. 

TLDR: My constant thoughts about how I have no life are making me seriously consider dying. ",2.8024307692307717,4.683980986666668,4.25,85.14346153846154,75.8,7.282051282051282,23.538461538461537,8.139509932561175,1.3282307692307689,588,18,118,10,13,195,93,150,0.233,0.716,0.051,-0.981,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,15,8,2,1,2,0,14,2,0,4,1,22,27,11,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,7,0,15,1,14,20,2,18,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,1,15,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391680697960061,0.2878820602167412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003753123293182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896303934246336,0.0,0.1197029911648317,0.0,0.28847792295248675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179476515356012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101766952151295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073753528114322,0.0,0.07261114445955383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721365685545842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315514715964256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376041978126678,0.0,0.0,0.11328698519190672,0.0,0.0,0.15100182446529162,0.0,0.09816545517356197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277001282795344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000740202025488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216605295974107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635100806457568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413922944397118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890339391305786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498611225760874,0.0,0.0,0.2299308480868785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837052989449864,0.0,0.0,0.11619323211255556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170659899553943,0.0,0.0,0.158935371538825,0.0,0.0,0.2671576936032233,0.0,0.22066867689655728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887161540797872,0.0,0.13576294877341186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530664780533607,0.0,0.08197381365840302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163216306193027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579934184913422
suicidewatch,beepboop_ima_robot,2019/01/04,"Is it wrong to tell my bf about my suicidal thoughts when it clearly makes him uncomfortable? Sorry ahead of time for typos. I’m on mobile. 


I’m not sure if this is where I should be asking this, but here’s where I am. My suicidal thoughts and daydreams have become more and more prevalent. It’s changed aspects of my humor and made me feel more comfortable with these feelings/mental images. Sometimes jokes with suicidal or depression themes would slip out and because of my growing comfort, it’s harder for me to filter this humor out around my bf. He becomes visibly uncomfortable and tells me not to joke like that. Sometimes he’ll get upset or angry about it.  Now he just tells me “stop”.  I’ve tried to talk to him seriously about it but he doesn’t want to hear it or just doesn’t understand. So I’ve been working hard to avoid such jokes and just tell him when I’m feeling down. I’m used to telling him everything, so it’s hard for me to keep some of these dark feelings from him.  He’s tired of it, I understand, and I’m sorry.  Should I just keep all these thoughts and feelings to myself? I don’t want to bring him down with me. ",3.59106216348507,5.2170575066079286,4.091328928046991,88.19155041605484,73.05286343612335,7.1589818893783645,26.70802741067057,7.793537801064563,1.4198773372491431,902,32,185,12,18,284,112,227,0.229,0.6679999999999999,0.104,-0.9867,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,17,14,0,2,0,0,12,1,0,3,3,51,38,18,3,6,12,0,6,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,16,14,0,4,9,3,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,7,24,9,33,28,5,16,0,1,0,0,21,8,0,5,7,119,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991013182312908,0.10407223624299128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786163625419657,0.2458956259354324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776526588380146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588257515911586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005018299529322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515357450214565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816181741394981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994475797333806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254694236500337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978984867790112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054386929874315135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533677616477924,0.0743091516839365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020313451032386,0.2492345883480589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307124410677099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36530878886496265,0.0,0.10492087089963753,0.0,0.0,0.08947743301761199,0.4865072533487263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26513474047605545,0.0649134979231451,0.12794973033249138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558119747558409,0.0,0.0,0.2317829142892948,0.0,0.09614756823379464,0.0,0.0,0.13132270585215558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104467134298762,0.0,0.0,0.07908086179714638,0.1217145273281354,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emigoesrawr,2019/01/04,"Afraid I'm going to commit suicide soon Hey. Idk if this is an appropriate place to post this, but I literally have No one to talk to.  I just lost my last connection to this world and I feel like I have no place here anymore.  I keep wanting to buy heroin to od on.  I've never done it, but it seems like a pleasant death and readily available in my area.
I'm a 27 yr old female and literally everyone in my life has done nothing but fucked me over.  I was sexually abused by my father for years, and my mom sat by and let it happen.  My grandparents are kind of there for me but still take up for my mother and act like I'm a terrible person for not wanting contact with her.  My aunt I was really close with and thought i could trust got into drugs a few years back and robbed me.  My close friend from high school constantly did awful things behind my back to fuck me over so I had to cut her off after 15 yrs of calling her my best friend. 
 I've jumped from relationship to relationship from guys claiming they cared about me then they'd cheat on me or treat me like shit.  I ended up marrying the last one and have been separated for months.  It was 3 years of someone picking my life apart and telling me how awful I am.  I've been pursuing a case against my father for years now and it got turned away once for not enough evidence, so I attempted it again because my ex told me I didn't try hard enough the first time.  I found out he sexually assaulted my aunt aswell and she did a statement too, along with my brothers but the courts just recently threw my case out again for lack of evidence.  So it's never going to go through..
I've worked with mentally disabled clients for 7 years, but last year I started with a new company and a new client.  I took my purse in with my anxiety meds in it, and when I walked outside to smoke the client stole my meds from my purse and took them and I got neglect charges against me that I'm still fighting but it'll probably stay.  I would never mean to harm anyone and now I feel like a dirty monster from that.
Then the most recent thing that's drove me over the edge, my best friend, the only person I thought I had left that I could trust and I truly felt a connection with screwed me over.  I was in love with him, but he was gay and so i never pursued it.  I was just happy to have him in my life.  He's been in a dark place too and I've been doing everything I can to help him out this past year. We got drunk last week and I told him how he was the only person I had left and idk what I'd do with out him.  The next day he asked to borrow my car to get groceries while I was hung over and I let him.  He was gone all day while I was stuck in his apartment worried that something happened to him.  He was gone probably 8 hours.  I was texting his family freaking out and worried.  He told me he got hung up in mud when he got home and ended up in a town 30miles away.  Well I finally confronted him about it on new years day and it turned out he used my car to go pick up an engaged guy that's expecting a baby soon, to fuck.  He lied right to my face.  The one person I thought I had out of everything.  Since I'm in love with him it made it hurt even more that he used my car to get laid.  He's apologized a lot and clearly feels bad about it, but idk if I can ever trust him again.  Idk if the friendship is repairable. I really just lost my last connection to this world. All I wanted was to have a good life, build with someone, get a house and kids but I'm just too fucked up beyond repair that it'll never happen.  It's so hard for me to trust people and he knew that but still did this to me.  All I have to ask is why? Why are people so terrible? How does anyone enjoy life? What did I do to have these things happen to me? ",2.6005681818181827,3.717638526515152,3.7865353535353528,91.42563636363636,74.71969696969697,7.199191919191918,23.42727272727273,7.675431598112923,0.7999945454545445,2931,81,675,38,60,955,308,792,0.14300000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.153,0.9449,1,0,3,0,3,2,57.0,1,0,3,7,40,46,11,1,29,2,55,17,2,8,11,117,122,59,3,11,22,8,6,5,3,3,6,0,1,7,38,52,1,2,12,1,2,16,10,21,1,4,54,6,106,25,108,60,12,129,0,4,0,8,70,52,6,7,64,442,144,2,0.0,0.062161664540324964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040135076933112496,0.0,0.05203052825435445,0.07336857356329525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809415253091837,0.0,0.09858394996776497,0.0806836789322453,0.043805532937100336,0.031981775053695746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101161772665222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357195758459854,0.0,0.05349089177382553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669531385528845,0.0,0.08377701376220209,0.0,0.0,0.10150547819878056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591189798178866,0.10737847126158,0.0,0.0,0.060841978732839815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293566700346567,0.10841937681746304,0.0,0.034652202142017495,0.04745699968371102,0.0,0.0501319257224053,0.09430313276416727,0.0,0.04945871108053522,0.0,0.07958264090432078,0.07496107076894068,0.05037399445231154,0.05747212065526105,0.0,0.04462614128550594,0.0,0.057524441470212864,0.1216014581376558,0.19400974982304928,0.0822313576825391,0.0,0.11926677514341688,0.044004599714448686,0.2517631551644975,0.0,0.0,0.1038958911878896,0.18557617239165736,0.05584926610481687,0.09399548820402287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035165741581725994,0.05543145630200353,0.05262601127031133,0.0,0.051666807322610635,0.06053680501798071,0.0561641616710756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663271648745223,0.0,0.05463353727106702,0.0,0.2138271994248598,0.0,0.0,0.1140053190708946,0.10729668559669557,0.1852855764894072,0.1281571336259894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454205052695947,0.04460330620812655,0.0947022314140136,0.0496430275798889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714904732674665,0.11655211026363226,0.0,0.052871715547696034,0.0,0.0,0.0614456015868302,0.04187653610217122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023186688492514,0.1520111611389907,0.05579642138876722,0.0,0.0,0.05034094974584435,0.0,0.05505249997383732,0.05587281045380638,0.1066535848695367,0.07980299027100447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050083149535790815,0.07274433574628182,0.18323935415922385,0.1644422082828634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050246335780673584,0.0,0.11313086531111002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721999998783668,0.0,0.10360441393089027,0.11265413507682302,0.0,0.04480426018457042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309671359202615,0.0,0.04776156523004955,0.0,0.0,0.05385389165996127,0.04339904466917752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890573101966591,0.04038961254482447,0.0,0.0,0.037134530286331235,0.05592000644258588,0.12569427044506598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057387473274070865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944665483920222,0.04216884963445648,0.04585614611562845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456492993573042,0.0,0.0,0.12495247826124785,0.030592378892104737,0.0,0.0,0.15039577716721592,0.11657962556841373,0.035619843395739016,0.11413227404613115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062469073674677,0.0,0.0,0.09283448211315204,0.0,0.042083729403208835,0.0,0.04717174288441228,0.0,0.09468181411246644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03819466478060121,0.10656016905248647,0.0,0.03726916226386059,0.0,0.0,0.270282521717258
suicidewatch,Awayathrone,2019/01/04,"Where can I go to get help if I am suicidal? I have been having thoughts and plans for years and its unbearable. I don't want to cause a scene or make trouble, I just want to go to where I'll be helped.",2.398,2.6101941333333336,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,74.33333333333334,7.777777777777778,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,0.6665555555555556,156,4,41,2,3,51,33,45,0.217,0.722,0.061,-0.7135,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,10,14,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,5,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35243766987897795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792451420025393,0.0,0.3899605451480839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599185897751151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290085667522625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752738402747532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27236720079428234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047149505507307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209322742778093
suicidewatch,GrumpyCatPerson,2019/01/04,I just don’t wanna be here It all feels to much. Everything feels like it’s going wrong and I don’t want to deal with it anymore ,-0.03045977011494116,1.819298137931036,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,84.86206896551724,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5159747126436782,102,2,25,1,3,34,22,29,0.111,0.753,0.136,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739720253575916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887633073629725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389042427647274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813361424636826,0.26939322354552864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430897856836234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842271621454227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27720459224446137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241749516207066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122887983078352,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bigarettes,2019/01/04,"Auditory hallucinations from stress? Hearing colors? What should I do? I want to fucking kms. I’ve been going through a lot in my life recently. I’ve been really stressed; my mom is in the hospital, my cousin died, struggling in school, and my family is loud and annoying, I have frequent suicidal thoughts and I’m addicted to weed and rarely feel happy without it. Lately, I’ve been hearing strange noises which I think may be caused by the stress. But none of these noises were like this one. I was just sitting in my bed, on my phone, when I heard a strange, quiet sound. It was too strange, it was unlike any other sound I’ve heard before. I knew it wasn’t real. The only way I can really describe it is that it sounded like the color grey. A few minutes after hearing that sound, I passed out. I really have no explanation for why that happened or what that sound was and I really need an answer. ",3.0940642857142855,5.282270445714289,4.319053571428572,83.57800892857145,75.97142857142858,7.3464285714285715,25.794642857142854,8.278499904357787,1.7955785714285717,708,26,135,13,16,232,107,175,0.185,0.773,0.042,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,4,8,0,19,3,0,1,0,22,34,8,2,3,4,2,1,2,0,2,2,12,1,0,16,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,13,16,17,3,15,18,3,15,0,0,3,1,8,6,1,3,7,90,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792988644641025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227869235683002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546825143200085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939831796197766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408321829388608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792316454189073,0.0,0.06861253925861817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544979745293242,0.0,0.0,0.07711979835164204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999651182405704,0.14445210361096644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588215368099569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307225777065453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958468863044096,0.13258951342552544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536483572900992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589268226049873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061769234681647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195187789421737,0.10320377171525492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445302626308394,0.34772418977712144,0.0,0.13398453175383487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733272624930087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663217648501311,0.1418600889908674,0.0,0.14843062073187532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694923293488936,0.0,0.10772835285108054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003767500251813,0.10771005476193714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244554115160215,0.0,0.0,0.13080717777928236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSwordsmanZio,2019/01/04,"Hello and good day/evening! I hope everyone is doing well. I know they not, but one can hope. 

I had a lovely day! I played games with friends, I had good food, I worked on music, I watched some funny videos and whatnot. 

In any case, I am seriously considering ending things. 

I would like someone to talk to. Not even about how I'm feeling, I don't want to rant. That's not my business. 

I just want company through this tough time.

If nobody sees this, that's fine.

If you are reading this, though...

...please help.",0.7816450875856802,3.2699564257425777,1.8102970297029728,95.92150799695357,88.70297029702971,4.691850723533891,20.64051789794364,6.297961479604792,0.1077777608530086,393,13,85,4,13,123,75,101,0.057,0.569,0.374,0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,1,6,12,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,0,19,18,7,0,7,7,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,3,14,10,8,15,1,5,0,0,2,1,8,2,0,5,4,53,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312813392560285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250677515631165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339127396225507,0.0,0.0,0.2586042439348044,0.0,0.0,0.18706356229981866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898557383188718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367219859373324,0.0,0.15124894041932396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283997995905194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312183562949096,0.0,0.0,0.3888811996691967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758831094653656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564176761515084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176687175993817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265664697193771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489315356142907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581977256351996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560007898324654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587257036064088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734993453844842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005875998540029,0.0,0.19233988240859207,0.0,0.1141531926475598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093665600779298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760178596112766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252055854127038,0.0,0.0,0.13906711454916032,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WWWeast,2019/01/04,"Gun or Rope? Will the gun give me best results, or can I get by with the rope as it is cheaper?",-0.7295454545454518,0.4853260454545492,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,84.0,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.8294363636363635,71,2,20,0,2,24,18,22,0.189,0.6579999999999999,0.154,0.1926,0,0,0,2,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6928044570931213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449099701151239,0.6332922680304015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PANTONE232C,2019/01/04,"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm exhausted. I keep thinking about suicide, afterlife, what-ifs, etc. But I don't want to become dependent on meds to clear my head. What I really want is to drop dead right this moment to stop this daily torture.",2.157115384615384,4.3082989423076965,3.669846153846154,87.27515384615386,78.80769230769229,7.236923076923077,21.93846153846154,8.238735603445708,1.2706107692307698,203,6,41,4,5,67,38,52,0.498,0.464,0.038,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,10,9,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790682591174673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28180807407394937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593254135013293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245960495527537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806735861001409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618750480927549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578969870425468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112541039960874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27639393031368165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619089114505939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5808433291580987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980776804413705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AhegaDrool,2019/01/04,"Gun to my head Drunk and ready to say goodbye.....
Drug addict failure with no hope left.
I think it's best for everyone if I disappear 
I'm a scumbag and a dissspointment ",2.661078431372548,4.589147264705887,4.1005882352941185,85.84931372549022,76.35294117647058,8.062745098039215,28.98039215686275,8.841846274778883,2.4193450980392166,133,6,27,3,3,44,29,34,0.364,0.422,0.213,-0.7003,0,0,1,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672612624711876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535466525672505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906869717153365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219140904793274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34574768430940805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33460909264460353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660334015666026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679094970438424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586635280854527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MassiveAstronomer,2019/01/04,"goodbye  

I'm going to kill myself just like [u/offwhitegenocide](https://www.reddit.com/u/offwhitegenocide) and [u/IqtaanQalunaaurat](https://www.reddit.com/u/IqtaanQalunaaurat) want me to do. I must kill myself because whites are not people, because whites are subhuman, because whites must kill themselves. [r/Shitredditsays](https://www.reddit.com/r/Shitredditsays)and [r/Gamerghazi](https://www.reddit.com/r/Gamerghazi) agree, I must kill myself. cut off the white skin and sing to the sky all hail the God machine. In the terror in each sip and in each sup.

I now have a plan to kill myself, since I know it will be so well received. I'm going to use a 9mm handgun, even though a shotgun has a higher success rate, aiming at the temple, in order to end my own life. Did you know that, of the people who've survived attempted suicide with a firearm, the majority of them were using handguns, while only 5% were using shotguns? Why a gun? Despite what movies and television shows would have us believe, overdosing on prescription medication only has a lethality rate of around 12%. 12%!, that's nowhere near good enough. An ""exit bag"" holds around 23%, while ODing on illegal drugs pulls up at around 50%. Of course, each of these carry a certain amount of pain with them as well. A shotgun to the head has over a 99% success rate, and only ranks around a 5/100 in terms of ""agony"". I don't have access to a shotgun, so I'm going with the next best thing. I've already been through the mental health system, they came to my door the day I planned to end it. I got to ride in the back of a cop car and everything. They put me in an institution, they kept me for three days. I know they cannot help me, that they will not help me, because I am a conservative and deserve to die. They said I was schizophrenic. I've stopped taking my medication because a Republican white male like me doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve therapy, I don't deserve anything but death. Pay the people who have to clean up my gray matter a bonus for me. I took the time, I hurried up, the choice was mine. I'm done with that, time to go, no more to come. I voted for Donald Trump, He is the Tetragrammaton. May He bathe the world in nuclear fire, Amen.",5.6122627737226285,7.247076929440388,5.3427810218978085,81.158697080292,68.02676399026764,7.913090024330901,28.2985401459854,8.344100000000001,1.8843991240875908,1762,60,327,25,30,543,219,411,0.12,0.7959999999999999,0.083,-0.941,0,0,1,8,0,5,114.0,1,1,8,9,13,18,6,1,35,0,32,9,2,3,5,43,54,14,9,5,4,0,2,2,0,7,7,1,3,1,11,20,0,4,3,3,2,12,8,8,2,1,12,9,41,10,54,34,11,52,1,0,6,0,18,25,0,1,15,204,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869334216105648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359708316574891,0.31846314075233195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876971280305139,0.0,0.2725926128407448,0.0,0.0,0.10076220603105893,0.09385613033272594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022893952324012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704001780209484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535587991764665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928190298165458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915226812611093,0.0,0.0,0.1037157814120095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842507960886054,0.09240988394051723,0.0,0.05907073204485346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037808194226992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033110532911254,0.0750135275045436,0.07152904653571818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178573601289958,0.09506483341334583,0.0,0.0,0.11989229946306415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947308564278807,0.0,0.14745280720180556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317032664028402,0.08738648896288062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019196879472166,0.0901290754645191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511474749597848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040572068994385,0.09516475580951968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600814229807944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990650882547352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507281692207197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398125314371014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477135834559122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782697337995107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672437142240644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227629787944444,0.0,0.059416396608868764,0.0,0.08786907347244391,0.0,0.10430010818613664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936516870728634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757885247975503,0.2317284252766284,0.0,0.0,0.05275086409567959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082495263036173,0.0,0.08070084619782987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353179773689553,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aninfinitygem,2019/01/04,I want to die Hi I'm 18m and ive been depressed for a while but have gone through many many painful events in rapid succession without time to heal and I'm pretty much done at this point.,-0.09829268292683224,2.102641121951219,0.8470243902439023,103.59492682926829,89.0,4.255609756097561,20.39512195121951,5.6839178017228535,-0.401277073170732,150,5,37,1,5,46,34,41,0.187,0.643,0.17,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,8,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,7,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466281211669616,0.0,0.29718041062963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29302986739743736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5806168128226992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049617426693035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046907650816684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706881323576333,0.0,0.0,0.2913153262572524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696979617613725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889342071346872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760259054042083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loveadvicethrowaway8,2019/01/04,"I just don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to talk to someone, is anyone available to chat? I’d appreciate it. Could really use a buddy to just listen to what I’m going through, analyse it objectively and see if I’m handling things properly. I thought I had everything figured out and was gonna start 2019 off right, then she leaves me, tells me she doesn’t love me anymore, I’m stuck with these thoughts. I don’t want anyone to be with me out of guilt or love me because of that I just want things how they were.",3.2005555555555567,4.3292022037037015,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,73.25925925925927,7.622222222222224,27.38888888888889,8.07648339933343,1.5335888888888893,410,15,90,6,8,134,67,108,0.039,0.8170000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,2,0,22,28,6,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,2,14,2,15,19,0,7,0,0,1,2,9,4,0,2,2,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945037494513718,0.2781461031985239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124545527497507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880266430055853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787553418572152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303745982800467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930831026836367,0.0,0.0,0.2106026663677167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590236984679581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741818564519086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698565171950621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849475270218338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852435200885169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077996056908335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598654659964166,0.1738443004995955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26427598248414425,0.0,0.0,0.3158031949776707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178270857516004,0.0,0.0,0.3519429121781956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Plexth,2019/01/04,"Any tips to forget someone you are really in love with? I think i just found love and i lost it because my insecurity, she kinda cheated on me and that doesn't ever matter to me at this point. I just want to be at her side because i need her. I don't want to feel alone anymore and i really feel like i need her so hard that i can't explain it. When i'm out of the depressive mood i really can't understand why i'm suffering so hard because her. But everytime something reminds me of her i just don't see anyway to get her out of my head. I've gone to parties, tried with other girls, but i just need her and it seems like she doesn't even care. I think that if i kill myself that would just be an embarresment to her. I really don't know what to do. I know i'm young and all that but it's really hard to keep going at this point.",1.02717032967033,2.5329705494505497,3.4341620879120884,90.70146291208792,79.76923076923076,6.967582417582418,20.166208791208803,7.8658589789855275,0.5876692307692308,648,16,153,11,16,225,88,182,0.161,0.754,0.085,-0.885,0,1,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,11,12,2,1,2,0,12,3,1,0,2,40,39,12,1,7,9,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,9,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,3,6,33,5,21,33,1,15,0,3,1,2,15,10,0,3,5,102,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376814113501098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040091168274894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131836605985048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431093139691689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355369214800254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449742129812188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780285101043662,0.1202480539491802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443268306973136,0.09496937166263587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575725788414834,0.0,0.0,0.06945347578387735,0.0,0.07555048626848243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572531326843361,0.0,0.13643049654276349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181594589913504,0.14707378145989145,0.0,0.14611609295762076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989144717060372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451151438461364,0.0,0.2399595235281751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957106636619995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513346246511127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258104304356015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593263203076872,0.12101977180937495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126360833101038,0.10234048381999926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703598030417456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025469117008532,0.0,0.0,0.13839086999409167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681797399591496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199538947603336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944337877323435,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IWontWakeUpThisTime,2019/01/04,"I don't know what will make it better. I'm always told that if I feel down why don't I do something to change it. I've tried sports, getting into music and ""trying"" to make friends. I'm really bad at all of them. I've just tried normal exercise but I feel no difference. Music is really hard to get into while I'm still trying, I have had no success. With friends its like they will call me their friends but it feels like if I went away they wouldn't even notice. They would care about me dying but if I left and never said anything they wouldn't even notice. I just wish I had something that pushed me through all the sad moments. Someone to tell my feelings to and tell me they understand. My parents call me ungrateful and my friends treat me like I'm not serious about it. Like if they just ignore it, it will go away. My therapist keeps trying to talk about my future which I don't really care about. I care about now, how I have fucking no one. Feeling lonely all the time. Watching my friends social media as they do things without me. I sometimes play games with them but that's nothing like hanging out in real life. It's something that I never truly valued as a kid until it was gone. I slept 14 hours and woke up about 5 times. I am constantly sad and unmotivated to do anything like work or school. I dropped out of school. I can't find a job as I live out of town, and as I took my drivers test later than everyone else because I was scared I only have my L. Even if I get any of this will it even make me happy? Will it still be there? If I get a job will I just be depressed with a job? If I start hanging out with my friends will it not be the same anymore? If I have to feel like this my whole life it's not worth living. I've tried finishing school online but I have no motivation. Why can't I find meaning in this? I feel so empty. I just want someone to say it's not my fault. That I've done all I could. It's never enough. They keep pushing me no matter how much I tell them I can't. It would be so much easier just to die. fuck",1.4035416666666691,3.2232481967592577,2.9076481481481515,93.4521666666667,79.7638888888889,5.70888888888889,21.216666666666672,6.6274283507984215,0.2362461111111113,1599,45,359,15,40,523,183,432,0.14800000000000002,0.6579999999999999,0.194,0.9738,4,2,3,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,12,4,26,32,2,1,7,0,37,6,1,6,7,81,76,31,2,16,25,1,8,7,6,11,3,2,0,1,27,17,0,3,13,4,1,8,21,11,0,1,12,11,66,21,45,48,9,41,0,4,1,2,31,15,2,9,24,244,93,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056441941807424977,0.0,0.0,0.046128318080754536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727145536880581,0.0,0.0,0.11164047422219528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274614349083043,0.0,0.05663717153665983,0.041349965593705545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999219344771815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852880893517627,0.0,0.20747877790185845,0.0,0.07175762273382615,0.0,0.0,0.07330266294802193,0.0,0.0541586048740928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058423896073094575,0.0,0.1407985216238265,0.07087035916792249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941603592540348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666521701012959,0.0,0.0,0.07008894117925189,0.0,0.17921048646147286,0.0,0.0,0.06481670890021833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400864888838965,0.09691887620242752,0.0,0.0,0.1239950619262991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31444259123793955,0.12541981279271533,0.14175839438504456,0.0,0.03855068269641439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220878853630162,0.060764454078523086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680119228965946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193939579377168,0.12058500311879025,0.0,0.0,0.03727888075022825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370003718002137,0.0,0.09582397724933696,0.2319761889380901,0.0,0.1197944000375357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583584341756302,0.0,0.0,0.07388930529048128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972915133087903,0.0,0.1569494497757236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646129219858306,0.06508696082222551,0.15445514007398345,0.0,0.0,0.045964949906588254,0.05158955211898924,0.0,0.0,0.07531978747751485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720805466606005,0.13036540414216638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645240899235675,0.05394300030681563,0.0679120069809382,0.20594985204694624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914652951724133,0.11494824513568094,0.1566619507142017,0.06708791990750833,0.0,0.048012080226947015,0.0,0.10834199059731447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452106640683228,0.17786536810020384,0.0,0.0,0.07875857630132542,0.04506479339031184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910716728475986,0.0,0.0,0.06481670890021833,0.07536422693999169,0.27632224222591145,0.0,0.0,0.07061585941702407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040009272310488564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288125986826787,0.1224162745603356,0.07573238650847601,0.07800384474285403,0.06538795630649119,0.0,0.04938275226716882,0.0,0.0,0.09637229795591228,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TesBanana,2019/01/04,"Death is better than loneliness I’m just tired of waking up, alone, wanting to not exist. I’m pushing 20 but I just can’t get over the fact that my life is meaningless up to this point. My friends don’t call or text me, or if they do it’s to brag about their wonderful lives. My parents hate me and only talk to me when they need to. I feel so fucking worthless everyday. I work a shitty retail job, am single, and I seem to have an aimless or even pointless future. Sometimes I wake up and ask myself, do I matter as a person and often the answer is not really. I’m tired and I just want to die, what the fuck is wrong with me ",1.3580576441102783,3.059647706766917,3.2828759398496254,91.26661967418549,79.45112781954887,5.937092731829575,20.8577694235589,6.816661863887847,0.3425694235588974,487,13,107,5,12,164,89,133,0.279,0.635,0.086,-0.9869,2,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,2,9,7,3,0,6,0,10,7,2,0,1,26,24,13,2,4,10,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,18,2,16,24,1,9,0,1,0,2,9,5,2,7,3,74,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060719009487492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205007745935802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276607894880069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792270923946228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910017118016364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155493286497987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305481301203963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421867987843637,0.3402791259591688,0.09615191863354433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816987800918925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262867077467693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999102174640442,0.0,0.0,0.16250835028332666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646136184735205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399686964346535,0.0,0.0,0.2043516959528402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069431389786654,0.0,0.0,0.17397478028634578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789903787669805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754068994724555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820176433070836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792224936534312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230477178026741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170999925598067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958065374074815,0.13398138144810226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121594971632126,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pss11,2019/01/04,I want withdraw my existence from the world. I’m a total loser. I’m 30 no stable job and only has been on contract job ever since got out of college. I have zero confident. I don’t have energy to engage with others... I felt like I don’t deserve to live. ,-0.3900793650793659,1.8143753888888907,3.151904761904764,86.205,91.4074074074074,5.307936507936508,18.825396825396822,6.868970318607317,0.5692730158730157,197,6,39,3,7,72,42,54,0.101,0.6509999999999999,0.248,0.7269,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,7,11,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,6,2,7,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,27,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023974232419145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209846012665233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673737274318594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6634909653784726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332421871107386,0.0,0.29519686518601645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542535219860769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765400123603806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718136675385894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LouBloom867,2019/01/05,"My bad skin makes me depressed and suicidal. For a long time I've struggled with dermatillomania (skin picking), and because of it I have a lot of scars on my chest, shoulders, and some on my face. I have dark spots around my mouth and discoloration on my cheeks. It makes me ugly. I've been told that I would be beautiful if it wasn't for my skin. It doesn't matter how much makeup I cake on, they still show through. Plus, I hate putting on so much makeup, but it's either that or look gross. I'm going to be seeing a dermatologist this week, but I read it takes 2 or more years for these dark spots to go away depending on how dark they are. I don't know how long I can continue being this way. I'm extremely insecure and possibly even have body dysmorphia. I spend most my time looking in the mirror and video recording myself. I also really want to be in a relationship or be with a guy, but my bad skin prevents me from getting close to anyone, and also makes me unattractive. Because of my ugliness I spend most of my time in bed in my room, because I don't want to go out and people to see me. ",4.629314285714287,4.85843951555556,5.572079365079368,83.73850000000002,69.4,8.91746031746032,28.07142857142857,8.841846274778883,1.8838761904761907,861,27,185,14,14,284,120,225,0.161,0.805,0.034,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,0,9,7,1,2,6,0,16,10,10,8,0,40,35,22,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,14,0,1,1,3,2,4,4,7,0,0,3,8,31,0,31,26,8,29,0,1,4,0,5,15,0,9,9,126,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251384341098827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842572150770723,0.0,0.0,0.1253101344405892,0.0,0.0,0.13225276073121425,0.0,0.23506474098990696,0.2574259630691788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563574837126575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124014693383775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297353981447104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735435742887002,0.0,0.2399989087683658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393788587566345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897567434699584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736041728596911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491440784133636,0.23641323934287714,0.0,0.0,0.11967283489235868,0.0,0.0,0.2818839331465147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069560192599164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758829133088992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586906786634299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415070727669021,0.0,0.0,0.14080246436701893,0.0,0.09017726087918423,0.0,0.0,0.15112825542665506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243419585679217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241460893577758,0.0,0.0,0.1471574843438221,0.0,0.1539733754706788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058372890475912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462425111068759,0.0,0.0,0.1345063893205371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605294681377547,0.1117322060775134,0.11291268806453007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999497080704972,0.0,0.0,0.09064764012344263
suicidewatch,theonlynormalpeople,2019/01/05,"For those who you who are loosing A while ago, I was on this community searching for triggering content. I was taken to the hospital, and when I got through hours and hours of waiting, I was told I wasn’t sick enough to be admitted. I wasn’t. I’ve never attempted suicide. I think I was in love with suicide but I’d like to think we’ve broken up now. And I think the reason I am leaving suicide is because I like people a lot more. I love the way we think, I love our little idiosyncrasies, our messed up emotions and the way we all can think the same thing is right or wrong. I want to see us thrive and fail and fall and sing and crash and loose and find. I want to see it all.

For those of you who are loosing, really loosing. You could be loosing because a family member died, or because you have shitty brain chemistry or because you’re favourite number two pencil broke.  But for those of you who are loosing, it’s okay. It really is okay to loose somedays, to fall in love with suicide (or anything the public would consider to be ‘bad’). It’s okay to decide you need some space, or go on a break . Those days that tend to turn the noise up and the common sense down (and vice versa) are okay. 

One of the reasons I love us fellow human beings is because we all have different stories. And that same characteristic is making this really hard to write. I used to wish I could take everyone’s pain and fold it into myself. But I don’t want to do that, because your darkness your pain your suffering your loosing is apart of you. So as much as I want to say something that helps every one of your stories, I can’t tell you how to deal, or how to make it go away or how to ease it. 

But I can tell you genuinely that I love the way you think, I love your little idiosyncrasies, your messed up emotions and the way you and me can think the same thing is right or wrong. I want to see you thrive and fail and fall and sing and crash and loose and find. I want to see it all.
Please let me see it all ❤️",3.9878820568140982,4.46665133009709,4.7674217907227625,88.06092952175476,70.89320388349516,7.754189140596909,26.18158935634664,7.662118739084242,1.1690423229054296,1556,45,343,17,27,503,164,412,0.157,0.657,0.18600000000000005,0.8406,1,0,1,0,0,4,42.0,7,19,0,3,6,24,0,0,16,4,34,11,1,9,6,84,74,42,5,11,12,0,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,1,26,28,0,1,13,2,0,5,5,11,0,3,9,7,55,13,45,57,13,36,0,4,5,7,48,17,0,10,11,234,81,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060653980579852385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056307338244244665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428684738649919,0.0,0.057131401440750726,0.2502647734482409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638410666229282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926241239042188,0.0,0.0,0.04412798897448876,0.07054241055383521,0.0,0.0,0.07101358209553565,0.07148879137179373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393617222405478,0.0,0.07070055453735248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057650392610155476,0.06538231546131765,0.0,0.0,0.06450430546162886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507707336685833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777417089122325,0.0,0.05472513371901397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129469966629801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586334110241455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476823188287315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724514147308011,0.0,0.06996844470410639,0.0,0.06685727722290777,0.13715817425558155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058171861445452513,0.43228898112167546,0.0,0.0913474536219095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029970623040272,0.0507357239419909,0.0527730097729066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273210275401976,0.0,0.14561647999635222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743676847887107,0.0,0.0,0.07510929324713472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315030047574134,0.1407030766186428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686789331092093,0.0,0.054413720209393335,0.0,0.0,0.2726263930731008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052676340489866254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993801516350935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144653019857478,0.0,0.11961164339762545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091607974666996,0.3069045337238238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538231546131765,0.0,0.0,0.07442594951690269,0.06684056242210665,0.0,0.16461192683039194,0.059096593966329276,0.0,0.0,0.2421504184307618,0.2172479800209319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786845254982662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048606633178380425,0.14962238012768145,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2019suicide,2019/01/05,"The act of actually committing suicide feels almost as overwhelming as my life does right now. I could do it right now- tonight, except I'd be putting my husband in a situation where he'd have to call 911. Paramedics would enter our home, setting off our stranger aggressive and loud barking dog, and ultimately causing our apartment neighbors to lodge more noise complaints against us. And if that wasn't bad enough, I'd bet the current disgusting state of our house would cause the paramedics to call someone to take away our child from my husband, because she doesn't deserve to live in this mess anymore than my husband does. 

If my life was more organized, and if my problems were solved.. suicide would be a lot less selfish.

​",8.034552238805972,8.760482268656716,6.352947761194031,79.34867537313436,62.13432835820896,9.088059701492536,41.376865671641795,8.841846274778883,3.7370179104477614,600,33,104,8,8,175,91,134,0.174,0.797,0.029,-0.9691,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,6,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,5,0,13,2,0,2,1,20,15,9,2,8,4,3,1,0,1,3,2,1,2,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,7,0,0,3,2,15,0,17,5,5,17,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,6,4,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.14320946467869133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695162944548165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900648781629045,0.17832059190192015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455392435639874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787899130793202,0.0,0.12253237361758593,0.08945908306742853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29970182678097146,0.0,0.0,0.30151089307833456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717008860063065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568485513040035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163476730963146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420257392876495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472049223607487,0.0,0.0,0.16933291099846096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731154228347728,0.0,0.0,0.1295853216574624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247638965772054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042251334827455,0.0,0.14752699564201727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25065200583123937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649561821265862,0.0,0.0,0.1243430854464044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32104726707854725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033976588440124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765254274500014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127467200196163,0.0,0.17832059190192015,0.0
suicidewatch,RetroSkeet,2019/01/05,"I want to fucking die I really wanted to fucking kill myself today but it'd raining hard outside, what the fuck, the day I desire to fucking kill myself is the day the Earth decides to rain. I tried being creative but there is no secure way to hang myself in my room.",3.7238888888888866,4.982518981481481,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,72.14814814814815,6.140740740740743,26.462962962962962,5.985473137389443,1.120718518518518,211,7,38,1,4,71,36,54,0.3,0.539,0.161,-0.9018,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,6,10,2,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,8,0,7,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,0,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534183405521536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039085005858604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7265464345896693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760016877616599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347376925923656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586597160406754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862339293889856,0.0,0.0,0.13339262714075187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317703519120626,0.1559515396708881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im-not-worth-it,2019/01/05,"Why can’t I just walk into a hospital and donate my organs Eventually I’m gonna kill myself anyway, why not help others in the process. ",1.5720238095238095,3.918550249999999,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,82.21428571428572,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,1.1216047619047624,109,3,20,2,3,39,26,28,0.249,0.7509999999999999,0.0,-0.7881,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018726168601117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982661903730967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8127753236418471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Matt2473k,2019/01/05,"Remember me Although I have to say goodbye 
Remember me
Don't let it make you cry. 

I've failed at that. It was our song. Everything is gone. I have nothing. I am nothing. I'm ready to go. Goodbye.
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suicidewatch,gamebae,2019/01/05,"Tried another dub, no response please help I 23 [f] keep having thoughts about killing myself. I don't think I would ever follow through but I'm afraid I wont have control.

I have tried talk to a psychologist about it who pretty much told me I would be place on a pysch watch for like 72 hours.. 

I don't have any friends and I don't know why. I'm nice, smart, I can be funny, but no one seems to want to be my friend. I have a wonderful boyfriend but my anxiety, depression, and mood swings have pushed him away. He was the sweetest bf when we first started dating and now everything is different. I think he resents me but still has love for me. 

My life is a complete mess. I just got out of an insane 4 year relationship with my 3year olds father. He beat me constantly. Spent months in jail then the court system quit caring and would give him a slap on the wrist and some probation. 

I am terrified he's going to show up to my house at any time even though I have a 2 year restraining order on him. The cops don't take it seriously in my opinion and have even let him go when he showed up to my house trying to kick the door in. 

I struggled with addiction problems and have lied and even once cheated on my now boyfriend early in the relationship becaus3 I was high all the time and didn't care about anything. I had just got out of the relationship with my abusive ex and was not thinking clearly.  

I'm trying to do better for myself. I went back to school for engineering because although It may sound like I'm trash I'm actually smart and ambitious. 

I'm constantly reminded of all my mistakes and I just want to die. I think about suicide daily, multiple times a day. I'm sitting on my bathroom floor at the moment writing this.. 

I hate my body, face, hair, weight, life, past mistakes, the fact I have no friends,  the fact I fucked up what would have been a perfect relationship, I gave my child a shitty father, I'm literally a disappointment and failure to everyone. 

I'm not seeking attention but would love someone to talk to who has felt similar. I don't know how to get better. I have tried medication, therapists, and  nothing is helping. .I feel helpless and I'm worried im gonna do something dumb one day. I want to give up . ",3.3443736017897088,4.993727055928414,4.3786744966442965,85.78510346756156,73.74272930648769,7.651230425055928,27.852908277404925,8.344100000000001,1.8536170022371363,1762,69,362,30,36,573,229,447,0.226,0.625,0.149,-0.9928,2,0,1,0,0,3,50.0,1,0,0,8,20,32,6,2,22,0,43,12,4,2,7,69,89,26,3,11,10,3,4,2,4,8,4,1,1,1,7,21,1,3,12,2,1,5,12,16,0,3,14,6,52,15,48,63,4,55,0,3,1,3,35,21,2,5,28,221,59,2,0.0,0.09269343157613434,0.07634422103751877,0.08528562741887248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640238242725074,0.08203422736952821,0.059848107913664024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437917599636955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735025733980635,0.0601564254088246,0.0,0.04769017206255734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838164007408135,0.0,0.0868993385044221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952772028384246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202591765278902,0.1690843781097104,0.08774507474759999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090775579663797,0.0,0.0673820550098591,0.0,0.08119360712861301,0.08173693918062053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501667556520113,0.07076631852638128,0.0,0.07475508033918765,0.07031086642330729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955700636323492,0.0,0.0751160452750241,0.0,0.0,0.06654503550289459,0.0,0.0,0.18132809864074528,0.0723252409797509,0.04087356617150212,0.15009663776666948,0.08892334803784775,0.0,0.1251403147433051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723899030732652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487599665273377,0.08265756620082271,0.0,0.0,0.07704384534633778,0.1805409888961975,0.0,0.0,0.08450517363982908,0.0,0.0,0.06953717450945737,0.08655333474310271,0.0,0.08598973236140109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999864593596441,0.11051670532550824,0.07644148260571694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121685563917846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881161843086794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244491460350195,0.0,0.05751033064156205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750667700945649,0.0,0.0820924789764864,0.0833156990094196,0.10602554746626967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468234689245759,0.0,0.0,0.08173693918062053,0.08587645162599149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959118873468837,0.0,0.07485851177334746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321053251325727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359722889897215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917607458962599,0.0,0.07122047666128233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628665235992508,0.06022766305399665,0.0,0.0,0.0553737913497311,0.0,0.06247705528892164,0.0,0.0,0.0817862230947234,0.0,0.08557431443629608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882155550826671,0.12576160587527774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908346597459809,0.0,0.20051444809641247,0.07686362424147071,0.06210834324566626,0.1368550504827744,0.0,0.0,0.07475508033918765,0.0,0.265575700149864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843172925459662,0.0,0.0,0.0952668405509902,0.0,0.07252286814682546,0.07059320501500438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484046052491569,0.0,0.079449511301297,0.0,0.2778727506535775,0.0,0.0,0.10075910377517024
suicidewatch,Tilairgan,2019/01/05,I'm just tired I don't even have the energy to write a full paragraph anymore. I can't even think about what's causing all this pain and stress now. I just want to rest.,0.2528378378378377,2.295166648648649,1.4120945945945955,101.41381756756759,85.21621621621622,4.781081081081081,17.35810810810811,5.985473137389443,-0.6702918918918916,134,3,33,1,4,42,30,37,0.259,0.649,0.092,-0.8006,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,8,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440752865728803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564071256669748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583065666414106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691729473338152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974232551154098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223077483454632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987611660462003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046365989903532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stacygrimwell,2019/01/05,"Not even my sister with depression understands. I have no one to lean on, and my life has fallen apart. When I feel very depressed, I tend to isolate myself for days. My sister does the same thing and when she ignored my texts (checking on her and letting her know I was there for her) I understood and said it was okay; I honestly did not make it all about me. But when I isolate myself, I get 0. Nothing. Nada. But that's also okay - she probably is depressed too (And how can I expect anyone to predict how I'm feeling? It's on me to explain myself to them.)... except when I talk to her, she's mad at me for not messaging her. Seriously? Even after I explain it was because I was depressed, she still dismissed my depression and told me it upset her. She didn't even text me so I wasn't ignoring her like she did to me, and she can't even understand that I have no energy to talk??

I thought I had her but now I understand I have no one to lean on when things get hard. I don't have any friends who I can talk to about this. The only friend I have doesn't want to hear it (which is okay and understandable). Can't afford therapy, and the medication I've tried has worse side effects than depression itself. I don't know why I'm still here, honestly. In the past, I held on because I thought other people in my life needed me. But they drifted way and don't need me anymore so why am I still here? I've been fighting this for 5 and a half years. Wow. It blows my mind I made it this far... but can I really make it longer than this? For how long? Another 60-70 years? I'm so tired and my life is going nowhere.

There is nothing I have a strong want to do. I don't have huge dreams/yearning of getting married / buying a house / starting a family. All I want to do is help other people and change the world for the better but what can someone like me do? I can only do so much on a small scale. I feel useless and feel like I don't have a purpose. Why live without reason, when every day is painful and I'm fighting for nothing? I don't know if I'm going to see another year of this world...",0.9601876563803168,2.979561123853216,2.889224353628024,91.99745621351126,82.25688073394495,5.890241868223519,22.29441201000834,7.075746649084167,0.6501715596330273,1614,54,356,21,44,540,182,436,0.17800000000000002,0.745,0.077,-0.9894,1,0,0,0,4,0,64.0,0,0,2,3,29,28,3,1,12,3,46,6,0,8,2,65,87,36,0,7,12,2,5,3,2,0,6,2,0,0,24,16,0,3,18,0,2,4,18,15,0,3,17,8,71,13,40,69,4,40,0,7,1,0,34,16,0,1,22,255,95,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635149418408308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054010701494879465,0.1665649232938192,0.0,0.0,0.07876676727492866,0.05553475577744029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683165315480907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024362879772197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401952862607957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102443170021625,0.0,0.4104440494163565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950403743362267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983388278058845,0.0,0.06691772171387528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487340444352343,0.0,0.1606356259307629,0.05674016211283098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227247934981212,0.0,0.12448649726595665,0.0,0.0902764072990798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114785293036069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951605342158651,0.0,0.05323589585093786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164405191331036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094723051069787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121590676968392,0.16829749424872378,0.11640692636744965,0.0,0.07013240294019064,0.07028729551653902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515243322329189,0.1060316019368317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001081743274523,0.0,0.0,0.08019509085694454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838540886576436,0.11778303327995288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286269622506449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763883410124182,0.12081029682787325,0.08451220056074224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581871482442497,0.11012450491153956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563196298920668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050880725920935885,0.08166058286126752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554993342678487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329024409908224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729527125305866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621635995368645,0.0,0.1902831218537528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915127950943329,0.0,0.0,0.09082769062423393,0.0,0.10553088449795636,0.0,0.0,0.12610676982450975,0.0,0.09128562611132876,0.0,0.07589255498458712,0.0,0.053923340954870544,0.0,0.0,0.3307306455093602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553270291086641,0.1405381089338298,0.06304267504407829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500205747211176,0.0,0.0,0.07656141685563811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093932876287133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343838416249214
suicidewatch,GamingGTX,2019/01/05,"It took me a while to write this Planned Benadryl suicide, calculated the dose, I was on SSRI stopped it gradually, I am a physician by education, no matter how I flip it, suicide is still the most merciful option. 
My family That i love, cherish , and adore is the only thing stopping me. 
A knife stab to the heart seemed risky,
Dunno what to do next 
",8.928159203980101,6.832591268656721,9.146865671641793,69.26218905472639,61.6865671641791,11.918407960199005,40.24378109452736,10.504223727775694,4.137043781094527,273,12,51,5,3,91,52,67,0.251,0.606,0.142,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,0,5,4,1,1,0,10,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,5,6,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,5,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391319681501441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005932178030893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289417828678119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26977468217286005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292300295389733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309262988434037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257650351206746,0.4241491454133915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5549347781767486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685231778772465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28183018420139505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dJ_86,2019/01/05,"Never been closer My neighbour is playing absurdly loud bass music all day and night. I’ve had maybe 4 hours of sleep, my tinnitus is acting up, property management won’t deal with it. My credit card company keeps calling me as I’ve maxed my card out. The job I had lined up isn’t going to work. I have no plan to dig myself out of debt. My depression has been so deep going through the holidays and now it’s even worse in the new year. 

Family tells me to suck it up and think positive. They won’t even let me stay with them to get respite from this noisy condo. They’d rather worship their fake god than help a real person in deep trouble. I’m just so fucking done! No one hears my cries for help. Can’t afford therapy anymore. The only thing that was keeping me alive. ",2.848461538461536,4.519672229299367,4.001528662420384,87.88392944634985,75.11464968152866,7.378539931406173,24.178833904948554,8.139509932561175,1.3220322390984809,608,19,126,10,13,198,112,157,0.158,0.711,0.13,-0.7104,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,2,7,8,2,0,5,0,16,2,1,0,2,15,26,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,6,7,0,2,1,2,2,3,7,5,0,1,6,2,17,3,20,16,1,21,1,1,0,1,12,10,2,0,7,78,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692381136988422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742518739085273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745009115990727,0.1100545919021614,0.17593179262679054,0.14697987299577045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746333406354977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542432386452735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608728423499197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776240027165814,0.0891571437512939,0.0,0.19396770251440398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233400774156387,0.0,0.2287650720368834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805504970802146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934296147976294,0.3033616317100846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450032976556207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144001982518844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161515376020594,0.16481402383981186,0.0,0.1601426782494364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156362884644822,0.12978637728766051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900426583073278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423610597400767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707724025746041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188930087555488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915488907145508,0.0,0.19515218872972706,0.0,0.11337172037965106,0.10934509236441192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242346222054276,0.0,0.17390607483060744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989246524074768
suicidewatch,wannabecowguy,2019/01/05,"The awakening It sucks but kind of a release when you realize, you are the loser. You are the failure of the group. Their has to be one, you didn't think it would be you but it is. A great comfort in it.",-1.171287878787879,0.8776783863636375,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,94.6818181818182,4.751515151515153,18.69696969696969,6.42735559955562,-0.11954848484848445,155,5,38,2,6,52,29,44,0.194,0.6459999999999999,0.16,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,1,1,1,5,1,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,6,3,4,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,1,0,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751658636938387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432606079373923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535111352785081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342783502667453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705941214885351,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2949593930,2019/01/05,"I hope this doesn’t sound stupid I’m 16, I’m happy when I’m not in school. I don’t care about anything. But I can’t stand going back, I don’t even know what it is that makes me hate it so much. It might be the stress of all the work, but it makes me hate life. I started self harming around 2 years ago, due to self esteem issues that have escalated since. I know I should talk to my mum about it, but I don’t know how to start a conversation about how I feel and I worry that she’ll just think it’s me being dramatic. I haven’t told anyone about self harming (aside from on the internet when I really feel like I need to vent about it occasionally) I have to go back to normal life on Monday and I literally can’t stand the idea of lying awake wanting everything to end. I think this stemmed from the beginning of high school when I had no friends, I felt so lonely that I didn’t know how to carry on. Things got better a year later when I actually made a friend and started to feel less lonely, but the suicidal thoughts continued and I often think how easy it would be if I could just end it. I’m sorry that this post is all over the place, and I’m sorry if you don’t want to read it all. I just feel like I need to get all of this off my mind. ",1.9720158730158701,3.0872039370370388,3.5842857142857163,92.26500000000004,76.2962962962963,6.920634920634923,20.264550264550266,7.447530270364453,0.2614550264550264,973,20,234,12,21,324,132,270,0.17,0.718,0.111,-0.9555,0,4,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,23,16,3,1,10,0,22,2,0,7,4,53,60,21,1,11,10,1,5,2,2,4,2,1,0,3,21,6,0,0,14,1,0,2,11,8,0,0,7,6,31,8,29,45,6,33,0,2,0,0,11,9,0,5,21,148,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.10183937572108476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250799833976706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729702720039886,0.0,0.08587860356432296,0.09290167707096927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049133060735474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229709626271868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064010033970369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332220711141239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486228014953965,0.0,0.0,0.06892816618981422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379118217001996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21106827883918367,0.14910824779770093,0.10020105062943496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125508139587613,0.0,0.0545232947016982,0.0,0.11861930252392924,0.0,0.08346546312087724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109214588657157,0.0,0.2060659064255664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026106267269607,0.0,0.1036520806891722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780866123091867,0.0,0.10892373154664146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941201162572916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742376206274582,0.1019691177926174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874705339557656,0.13932094822486452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070845695069934,0.1053728878662505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671590711720752,0.15476182177403916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224970835818993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903299223415854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994711934685244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104387287858375,0.0,0.06685507765786047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123385368726036,0.0,0.0,0.32660773708139706,0.0,0.0,0.08632688194465424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23364281782395574,0.2215976114129789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954293553784195,0.0,0.0,0.1141518590604175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838798487820398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933151356150896,0.20060719010245495,0.0,0.08284942615500777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971954144349776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310733932609508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597462899390342,0.10598167775257084,0.0,0.07413367265232547,0.0,0.0,0.13440760921034905
suicidewatch,fisherdiseaser,2019/01/05,"I'm having suicidal thoughts after a long time, and I'm really scared Hello reddit, thanks for reading me. I'm really scared right now, and I don't know what's happening to me. 

I was studying, and I found myself just thinking about killing myself, seriously. I started thinking how I'd just do it, and wasn't even scared about it. I'm normaly terrified about death. Lately, I've started having this thoughts, on how... I just want to kill myself, and there's truly no point on staying alive or living my life.

I don't even feel depressed, I haven't been feeling depresed for 3 years.  I have friends, I go out often, I shower and brush my teeth, I sleep pretty well, I recently got a job and I'm getting my degree soon, I do sports and stay active, I eat well, and I'm recovering from Bulimia, which is going fairly great.

But, over the past 3 years, I've been raped twice by two different people, a boyfriend I had tried to keep me from getting a job and gaslighted me. This past summer I had a big pregnancy scare, and the last guy I briefly dated showed signs of things turning abusive. I had a fight so big with my parents, I almost have to leave my house because they completely violated my privacy (after years of my mother abusing me). 

Last year, I started therapy, but she only fucked me up more. She tried to put the blame on me about the rapes and my mother's abuse, and screamed at me twice in therapy while I was crying my eyes out. I left her a month ago.

I feel completely lost and broken, and I'm going through a lot of changes in my life right now. I wish I could cry, but I can't. ",4.480614152202937,5.068609130841125,5.369559412550071,83.7910280373832,69.8411214953271,8.357276368491322,28.99287939474856,8.418075326091056,1.9459739207832665,1245,44,255,18,21,408,169,321,0.235,0.6890000000000001,0.075,-0.9953,6,0,0,0,2,3,49.0,0,0,1,1,19,20,7,4,12,0,20,9,3,2,0,44,53,23,4,3,7,3,3,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,7,18,1,1,9,3,0,4,6,15,2,3,13,6,51,5,31,39,2,47,0,2,1,3,11,16,1,4,25,162,58,3,0.0,0.3050042602197522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606334393556834,0.0,0.08592401126044126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052307574198666516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077316320768347,0.0,0.1799354704868261,0.0,0.0,0.06851046191388144,0.0,0.188511446629817,0.0,0.0,0.0739060416360727,0.0,0.0,0.08965077763514644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780269350490058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335034604224158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016084588924498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408370815528888,0.06629481200383887,0.07932783098417466,0.08966195770799258,0.0,0.14629947086526018,0.0,0.06862825206515832,0.09460328624006788,0.0,0.08496310833471257,0.07587946096318553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990105588233232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703017931204685,0.07626982159862679,0.18986700124621395,0.0,0.047157664894953065,0.13988944742223028,0.0967948170450606,0.09085795894355526,0.09323031126839157,0.0,0.12121702468221693,0.0,0.0,0.07576976641429174,0.07593710952300048,0.0,0.0,0.0936692350056722,0.07295063344890282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849088318799658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526061839700258,0.0,0.0,0.0952792902131854,0.0,0.16382630770480378,0.059488251249232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111600690851775,0.0,0.0,0.08729727384582922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626043333168032,0.0,0.0,0.0858309153951233,0.0,0.1099412128030653,0.0,0.08472474651423641,0.0,0.0,0.14655860471071355,0.0,0.0,0.3436338863291853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586966390516647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220538369340186,0.18291917076362896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385969075567528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900019657351952,0.1962571540124404,0.0,0.05700681947774437,0.1099642118920186,0.0,0.13624344942255284,0.0500351567768147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651558415624555,0.0933341314405979,0.08382164929251698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061160148423696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430284509625322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867461406761613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210293680633969
suicidewatch,Vitalspark1,2019/01/05,"I suffer more in my imagination than in reality. In reality things are ok .... far from perfect , but ok. But the misery and pain I often create in my head , it’s really becoming to much to bare. 

A couple weeks ago I slashed my wrists 14 times ( paper cuts really ) but still I have never done anything like that. I also did it the “ wrong “ way which people actually said that to me , like really ?  Looking back at the situation I think I wanted to be in control and possibly feel something .... lately I’ve felt so numb I don’t feel much of anything . 

I’m at a place in my life I don’t want to die , but I don’t won’t to live , I made a list about an hour ago ..... reasons to live / die. I can only
Think of one reason to live , just one ( my son ) it’s a huge one , but still. That kind of hit me wrong that I couldn’t put down ANYTHING else . 

I am so sick , and tired of feeling bad and sad all the time now. I’m guessing if your here you may know the feeling ... I feel like I’m almost at the end here , and I truly just don’t have any fight left in me. I WANT TO KEEP FIGHTING but I’m so tired all the time , so miserable and angry. 

I really don’t know what to do anymore , and any advice would be so appreciated. Thanks ! ",0.1269126157407392,2.0715680859375,2.8116840277777797,91.79176504629628,84.9375,5.823842592592592,18.46585648148148,7.0931098945946705,0.13745214120370353,914,23,213,13,27,319,132,256,0.287,0.606,0.108,-0.9965,0,0,1,0,4,1,46.0,0,2,0,2,16,19,3,1,12,2,19,8,2,4,4,45,43,20,2,6,9,1,6,3,0,3,6,1,0,0,10,7,0,2,13,0,0,1,8,11,0,3,5,8,28,8,28,31,5,31,0,3,1,0,6,15,0,5,17,135,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.09530796226877754,0.0,0.0,0.0954381196623138,0.17315009548907198,0.0,0.09779842684244944,0.0,0.0,0.07810349339845743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283250666348062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968584636870503,0.0,0.0,0.2411124768857709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509915282613411,0.08154706022852895,0.0,0.10786446311006814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954076365787384,0.0,0.10806561077433573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272385098740664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999462633611672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158744052740556,0.0,0.08650311874292409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691441072404166,0.06977263536055109,0.09377471027353164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759014920014512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023352919667994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618137175964747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681005994111532,0.0,0.10170414684232787,0.10734939797702664,0.0,0.11017154221090103,0.0,0.1061144334666128,0.0,0.06898440928526026,0.1431440751037598,0.0,0.25872269632793005,0.0,0.08201487210003565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241396436830322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435915475555701,0.0,0.07532606758920443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985431000561716,0.07427942108809191,0.10392354786573632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770933179724307,0.0,0.10204022006542607,0.0,0.0,0.1101037805685072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818134133677553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502694531962784,0.2008339017424428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290276517043893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978071608183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518808575001368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599244441081006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991776375192936,0.0,0.0,0.06488497432127767,0.1251609040854963,0.0,0.0,0.17084955233604182,0.2245054813787721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728178747428022,0.07752275309431124,0.07834180264881739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937914952802382,0.21356495615570464,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,12041707198997,2019/01/05,"this might be a dumb question Please delete this if it violates any rules, and I apologize if so. 


Do people ever commit suicide on the fly without explicitly making any plans to?

At the most actively suicidal I’ve ever felt, I knew it would likely happen that week given how hopeless I was, but I was kind of just waiting for the right moment (whatever that means). I guess I had the method sort of down.

What scares me is not so much that my “baseline” mental state constantly has suicidal thoughts. It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. What does though are moments where I’m present with myself (either being neutral/meditative, or generally just okay and feeling content) and that emptiness and hopelessness creeps in so fast that I hardly notice until it’s too late. I’m afraid that one day I really will just say “screw it,” sick of the constant battle with myself, even if just an hour earlier I was doing so well.

I’m okay right now, not feeling actively suicidal or anything. I’m back in therapy and taking my meds regularly. I just feel like my future is going to be bleak no matter how much I accomplish, do good, or am loved etc. It’s something I’ve always wondered.",5.671052631578945,6.597310666666669,6.381859649122809,76.38068421052634,67.33333333333334,9.413333333333332,30.989473684210523,9.558583805096642,2.9030189473684214,944,36,169,19,15,310,146,228,0.188,0.655,0.157,-0.934,0,0,2,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,2,20,17,4,2,7,2,20,3,0,3,4,48,40,22,4,4,16,0,5,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,17,7,0,1,10,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,9,6,18,9,18,25,5,27,0,2,0,2,4,8,2,12,20,121,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963223937146831,0.0,0.0,0.1574428474034559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526140816712296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890130342001936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501929499486229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465624375740662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130319785444183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910407254222886,0.0764590235645961,0.20942483494993452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559666168685192,0.08269965430855153,0.11114867716305778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578962235784315,0.09709480259662838,0.0,0.0,0.12752375053455636,0.0,0.1023670362980803,0.0,0.10369908408855133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400122919740467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054722803780082,0.0,0.0,0.13058340721114398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966487601085178,0.0,0.0,0.10244480849282442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447878772073806,0.0,0.07727134096410161,0.0,0.0,0.12609762399347296,0.12858433222552515,0.0,0.11665982232223447,0.12280408701841325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019525324092322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179462237695036,0.0,0.0,0.07844262369789066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025407531418764,0.0,0.0,0.127070773797246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967877046409282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415943641934039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113460357716689,0.1977184579038657,0.0,0.09205776320439847,0.11589691752085868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911844403634905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064948141987666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703783671623974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238274859580662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373455731219695,0.09190127312040823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285646103929523,0.0,0.10408300707703193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158943632807106,0.12553782514405645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223326598658033,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bullymeahhh,2019/01/05,"I live close to the George Washington Bridge. Its taking everything in me to fight off just walking over and jumping. I'm too much of a pussy to jump also, so theres that.",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,76.14285714285714,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,0.9542380952380952,135,4,29,2,3,43,32,35,0.08,0.92,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43805663416952456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49230615806184297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836966466125465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026787233221799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118597234907191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamnothingofvalue,2019/01/05,I want OUT goddamnit Why do they have to make it so fkn hard? Stuffing it up and being a burden on society is the worst of all outcomes. It doesn't make sense.,-0.002352941176472001,2.162502,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,87.8235294117647,4.576470588235295,20.264705882352946,5.985473137389443,-0.05174117647058818,124,4,28,1,4,41,31,34,0.235,0.73,0.035,-0.8115,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,1,6,8,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627853502844269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6896887259772269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047127696878093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661644654102392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PLEASE_PM_ME_UR_FISH,2019/01/05,"my entire future is gone. everything i had been looking forward to, every reason i had to live, left with him. he told me he stayed longer than he should have because he didn't want me stuck in an abslusive situation, but it doesn't matter anymore because ill die in this house. every single thing worth living for is gone. my medical bills have gone to collections. i can no longer push through in dreams of my wedding, or starting a family, or our first night sleeping in our own bed in our own home. the only way to escape the debt and the pain of facing the rest of my life alone is to die.",5.638995157384992,5.714276144067798,5.984285714285715,82.18262711864409,67.22033898305085,8.77675544794189,28.721549636803875,8.418075326091056,1.8890227602905567,467,14,93,6,7,150,81,118,0.215,0.718,0.068,-0.9694,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,0,12,6,2,1,0,9,20,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,5,3,1,0,1,9,1,13,0,17,10,4,17,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,2,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352023799649184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572949804749685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160324511555794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678001820406266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985883019983832,0.0,0.1592511429438223,0.0,0.16704336403755893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072169495496762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774070060493302,0.0,0.0,0.20445885744622694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925225263631296,0.0,0.12515783500314412,0.0,0.0,0.3129322782164582,0.0,0.1487988943654474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785049872206903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628519338636294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347645304931076,0.18854762099847855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218563149086106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991742321526621,0.17732263689846092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254192987537163,0.18886594068254534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772026454129372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169317099766624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451400674806867,0.1406488805411923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustHopingForHelp,2019/01/05,"Im really tired That's sort of it I wanted to do more and be more and spend more time here but I just can't do this Everything is weighing down on me and I kept trying my best I really really did but in just too tired I can't keep fighting I can't wait for an opportunity to get help anymore I can't do this. I really tried my best I really really did in really sorry. I wanted to be happy and get help and live a long life but hat takes so much waiting and so much strength that I just don't have anymore. 
I'm feeling so weak and I have been for so long and I just want to feel better but I can't. I just don't know what else to do. I'm so so tired",-0.8541000000000025,0.877916840000001,2.3835833333333305,94.671375,87.26666666666668,6.15,15.375,7.413659706084162,-0.18049999999999988,506,9,129,9,16,182,69,150,0.106,0.642,0.251,0.9781,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,5,13,8,1,0,2,0,19,6,0,0,0,28,34,18,0,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,8,1,4,3,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,4,2,18,6,12,28,7,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,89,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486413946242147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631093783287116,0.11086829148877912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471988830061564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266300398340028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676877393720204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098796765415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344511269572193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804863074099824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354073303133983,0.0,0.0,0.1114232744848728,0.0,0.0,0.06889306057784997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854352567181982,0.0,0.0,0.1106927393283208,0.22187442478878092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843039899735657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621494040641247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032716672382034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094253043372267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309681457989729,0.4322391188070876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021867421596787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218168436517753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaptainDickFarm,2019/01/05,"The voice Every time that I do something wrong, stupid or dumb.  There is a “voice” in my head that tells me to end it.  I look at the guns in my closet and think how easy it would be.  I would like to say I would never do it, but life has sucked here lately and it’s becoming more appealing.  I don’t want to, any advice on how to curb this “voice”?",1.2735999999999983,2.3724930933333326,2.658333333333335,98.26750000000004,78.06666666666666,6.066666666666666,16.5,6.42735559955562,-0.6713999999999998,262,3,67,2,6,85,53,75,0.13699999999999998,0.79,0.073,-0.7054,0,0,1,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,0,9,2,1,2,1,13,13,6,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,8,1,8,9,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,1,5,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348078092303182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340488472835948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653805247451953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128248950784457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245400078680525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466060258245972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710566653827557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972335658574186,0.11739315764092348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178239586292404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532583176552456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108760331573066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498635301752966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100233376577921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396760641128954,0.0,0.0,0.14011455532286549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417287861767621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120836254290989,0.2627185010597589,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sixStringedAstronaut,2019/01/05,"My life is good. I am not. God knows I've tried. Goodbye. This week I am finally going to take my own life. I have decided that it will be via overdose. I am nearly done writing my suicide letter. I have friends who love me and I'm a good student but it is nowhere near enough. I am a repulsive waste of skin who will never be loved and in the long run I am doing my loved ones a favor. I feel free finally. I will finish the book I'm currently reading, make myself a cup of black tea, take all of the pills, put on some Gary Moore because he's always been my favorite guitarist and I want to have some peace while I go, and just... fall asleep. I can't wait. I feel free. It's like a weight has lifted now that I know I'll be free. ",-0.05946016381236064,1.8929469556962035,2.0005286671630667,97.27362248696949,85.77215189873417,4.9834698436336575,19.42069992553984,6.2272716619740125,-0.16855517498138495,561,16,134,5,17,187,99,158,0.096,0.6759999999999999,0.229,0.9706,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,8,0,21,10,2,1,2,20,37,6,1,1,3,0,4,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,8,4,2,1,5,2,3,5,3,0,0,1,2,5,21,14,9,29,5,18,0,0,1,3,9,4,0,2,10,83,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031723924100187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279789867286078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257142841293038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424430153648324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053312898915454,0.0,0.0,0.3694612463326196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028643502035542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167750766877864,0.28288488521921235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535399248714127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822277388321075,0.0823861966045962,0.0,0.0,0.14923604104841734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565970950320942,0.0,0.11256469880357713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006116130249035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427095996713126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695240397007972,0.0,0.0,0.1686799259754566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445854405563175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25358400028362604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449161423937965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946487407899017,0.0,0.13526825648994853,0.20535113626761614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chinotto_siz,2019/01/05,"Why should I stay alive? Hey, 
I don't even know why I'm doing this, I guess I'm really unhappy with how my life has been going for the past few years.
Almost everyday I think that I don't want to be alive anymore, I wish it could all end somehow.
I managed to get myself into a situation where I have no real, close friends, no job, almost out of money, no hobbies, no feelings, nothing to do with my life anymore, nothing to love for.
The biggest reason I'm still alive is that I can't think of a cheap, easy to obtain and painless solution to do it. And the fact that I'm hopelessly hoping that it's gonna get better, when it's not getting any better, I've already peaked at 22, got some nice life experiences, travel the world, fell in love, lost it.
I don't know what's keeping me alive anymore.

Sorry if I made some mistakes, not a native English speaker",6.258757062146891,4.985040638418083,7.146666666666667,78.8529943502825,66.34463276836158,9.44858757062147,33.22598870056497,8.167268648758528,2.4061480225988703,671,24,137,7,9,226,108,177,0.154,0.6609999999999999,0.185,0.7814,1,0,0,0,0,6,25.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,0,0,7,0,14,5,0,3,2,34,38,5,0,7,3,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,1,2,3,10,3,0,0,4,2,15,7,16,30,4,18,0,2,0,2,4,8,0,8,6,82,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620473615259889,0.0,0.1443921589978395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889799790750311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38929314617004895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23144585971238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447013307515823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589099519397154,0.0,0.0,0.08642275503873714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799280058025064,0.0,0.0,0.06615982684181068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109153607721262,0.0,0.20508539262166195,0.0,0.07436297446722352,0.0,0.10464974874895573,0.0,0.1441419644178163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995991151117392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984477474839906,0.1163022141354542,0.0,0.0,0.1438194223031871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27726185926415603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283420623249513,0.0,0.2361878103322927,0.1238099441511634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511011306278376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490761037815215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893174896563466,0.08382349798208953,0.1345318011642434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707673693985535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647173374491915,0.0,0.13946475894218113,0.1044940337887404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768206678134234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717654493194695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361368894862544,0.0,0.15046680134403007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426073496675171
suicidewatch,throway212121,2019/01/05,"So lost. So sick of fighting. Please read Have been going through a really rough patch for the last half decade after an embarassing breakup involving one of my close friends (cheating with my ex). Since then have just felt really lost in terms of finding enjoyment in life, am at school for something that should provide me with a relatively stable future, however i simply cannot seem to derive any hope or excitement for the future. The last couple of years have left me jaded and bitter to say the least. Isolation from friends and a strained living situation (commuter student) have made my everyday existence very depressing. I have formed major resentments towards those i once considered the closest to me simply because of the awkwardness of my home situation and their inability to ever come to me, forcing me to live a kind of strange double life where i am always out of my comfort zone, and in many ways pretending to be something i am not. Also, as a result of this depression following the breakup i developed a serious addiction to several illicit drugs, which has had a major impAct on my health and financial stability over the years. I feel like these addictions are holding me back however after so many failed attempts at stopping my self esteem is in the toilet and i cannot muster the mental fortitude required to abstain through the withdrawal symptoms and hence continuing using. I think that even when i manage to get free of the cycle of use, my desparate surroundings will continue to drive me to use simply as something to fill the void of boredom and sadness. I feel as though in many respects i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My lovelife has all but disappeared due to a real lack of trust bordering on hatred towards women. I am constantly resentful of the fact that i cannot be normal, and have the things that i see other people managing to acheieve. I come from a relatively uneducated parent background, and with none of my siblings living in my home i feel strange and disconnected to people in a social sense. I have though about suicide many times but am scared of failing. I am constantly working in a job that i do not really like to support the addictions i do not even find enjoyment in but cannot for the life of me manage to get off (also there are no rehab or drug help where i live). In the rest of my time i study to avoid further embarassment of failure (failed college semester in 2017 due to depression) and have no real hobbies or friends to speak of. The so called friends that i have are a group of other addcts that i really only serve to hang around me to score dope occasionally and have someone to get blasted with. I have been alone almost exclusively since the breakup 5 years ago. My self esteem is nothing. I hate what i have become but i cannot see any hope for improvment as i am trapped in a spiral of thought thinking that i know where all my efforts will lead - back to failure.",10.31669842710224,8.211958252268605,9.725274500907444,66.22848041439809,59.03629764065336,13.176073805202662,42.5590592861464,11.777199140851707,5.021927344222626,2371,108,407,55,24,764,268,551,0.155,0.743,0.103,-0.9791,4,4,5,0,2,1,39.0,0,0,1,10,21,37,6,4,36,0,42,12,0,6,4,68,71,35,1,5,11,2,6,2,4,3,12,2,2,3,16,23,0,5,11,3,1,9,11,20,0,2,9,11,55,18,90,57,11,67,0,9,2,0,18,31,0,7,28,295,71,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317221694823834,0.0,0.0,0.06280731186795074,0.0,0.07094949936399378,0.07338281000157645,0.0,0.11332296303961195,0.05895574963267595,0.0,0.0,0.09636555669981037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307459581409758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089638651193834,0.0,0.0431916078858501,0.07825207320720982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234929836716454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220679535571636,0.0,0.15313482512408888,0.0,0.0,0.07839799913402473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307792817633325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433502418274173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359607618941593,0.06409100552850316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074769056654543,0.05061772165428017,0.06803042709090673,0.0,0.12951754657125167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189648110279948,0.0,0.1110540159507153,0.0,0.040267650694462004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347077769653159,0.06995311693312709,0.0,0.0753139082848463,0.0,0.0,0.0474915766514819,0.0,0.14214358268528635,0.14074693376666195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031112017142592,0.0,0.0,0.07378296905869271,0.03893920530933465,0.11551004329662155,0.0,0.0,0.07698248502379937,0.0,0.15013766971716686,0.06923083730099065,0.0,0.2502595917095289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546898295824881,0.0,0.0,0.0670432512859923,0.0,0.2873371256366565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140361666462293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942134125173438,0.06798579998681269,0.0,0.0,0.07545661604302864,0.04801213409377812,0.053887244502791115,0.0,0.0,0.07867437566307423,0.0,0.0,0.09824172736487798,0.0,0.07402677898179989,0.07777581553684794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087262789418837,0.16129348476523872,0.1815621476098142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056345510425114764,0.07093666788221717,0.07170747807598843,0.11292205873040125,0.06450232340035073,0.14783121005396532,0.08004423532207945,0.0,0.11722141856256962,0.15928450175122466,0.0,0.07222617350933594,0.06003390159800605,0.16363935129634533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923666010424704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750217863304439,0.08040365988343556,0.0,0.07364386795006317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707188646046879,0.09080006469957236,0.139226317513307,0.056249728023370735,0.08263043756543803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358390523225565,0.0,0.05846151987720094,0.0,0.056240173783373336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051582158331283184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368819039532355
suicidewatch,randombullshit93231,2019/01/05,"i don't know I don't even know how to begin this post. I think I was just some kind of bizarre mistake.

I think normal people have dreams or ambitions or even just daily pleasures that get them through their lives. Everyone has bad shit to go through, but they also something on the horizon to help them go past it. 

I don't enjoy anything. I don't have any goals or dreams for the future. I don't live for any reason other than staying alive, and I don't even like to do that. 

I'm 22. I'm autistic and probably a couple other things too. I live with my parents. I have no job. I didn't graduate college. I had friends at some point, but I haven't really had any for at least a year and probably more. In the average week, I speak to other people for maybe one hour and 30 minutes total, including my therapist. I've never been in a romantic relationship. I have nothing I'm passionate about. I have no talents and I'm not good at anything. I'm unattractive and I'm not easy to get along with either. I'm selfish and cowardly. I'm pretty much incapable of everyday things; my room is a mess, I don't shower every day, I do laundry once a month at most, I can barely even cook. I have awful focus and I can't even read a book for more than 10 minutes at a time. I'm stupid as shit too. 

I could go on. The point is, I hate myself intensely. There's really nothing about myself that I like. I hate how I live now and I regret how I've lived my life up until this point. But I also don't believe I can change and thinking of the future just fills me with dread that I'll have to continue for another 50-60 years. 

My mother is chronically ill and her life is miserable too. Every day I'm alive just puts more stress on her and sucks up energy that she should be using on herself. Frankly I'm a drain on the planet's resources too, and the world would be better off without me, even if it was only a minuscule amount. Killing myself would probably be the only net positive thing I do in my life. 

I don't know if I'll ever actually do it, because I'm so pathetic I've never actually gone through with it before. I probably won't even check the replies to this thread (if there are any). But I really don't know why I'm here if my past, present, and future all make me unhappy, and if I don't make anyone else happy either. ",2.2727685950413243,3.7912590454545487,4.171561983471076,86.70597933884302,76.31404958677686,7.40198347107438,24.49669421487604,8.158263871857827,1.3874381818181811,1814,60,386,31,40,617,216,484,0.223,0.688,0.08900000000000001,-0.9971,3,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,4,2,28,26,7,3,18,1,46,9,2,7,5,70,79,35,1,12,21,2,0,2,1,4,5,1,2,0,18,20,1,0,8,5,1,6,22,15,0,1,7,1,56,11,48,64,13,51,0,2,0,1,14,21,3,11,24,258,74,6,0.0,0.0,0.14519396958131625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189843531929666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235957702587,0.07800770609385453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052017421447596066,0.07622457536881838,0.12243845040600188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062115174327599575,0.04534937482940446,0.0,0.06330309284548248,0.08381560678259803,0.0,0.06579469724910375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869809039741107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939687826600554,0.082314607458014,0.0,0.09595485700519313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214593238677536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343951825899274,0.06729286486826322,0.12535887784051913,0.07108584456892132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747596452071056,0.0,0.0777347026760347,0.0,0.12683802763274304,0.06239744614918843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919289339888645,0.0,0.14689567143087628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986416149404381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326226913852707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382372408446257,0.0,0.08230500017595027,0.07746901964641112,0.16353812266485826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763824949539998,0.07268947242745945,0.0,0.3284525798125938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931601296340728,0.0,0.07473792007660134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937990399425931,0.0,0.05468752633993596,0.0,0.11475316968150095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288949357720667,0.14276447104387335,0.0,0.0,0.07922627870991586,0.05041072495223499,0.11315868841647968,0.0,0.0,0.08260479120952055,0.0,0.14203336225849866,0.10314968893801173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109767232554656,0.0,0.0712480752333529,0.0756845801754003,0.32083360020853746,0.0,0.0,0.07478566505966837,0.0,0.0,0.07441328361779731,0.0,0.1429744739166082,0.07648855018601616,0.0,0.07987040414585816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272700247621201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057271482756489474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929320146770565,0.0,0.0,0.08521710400935377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637618306175203,0.1482705132440072,0.1430043833796732,0.0,0.0,0.04337924505353245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642517975021632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967369902768445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712824836184411,0.0,0.0,0.071712343584711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569352115347344,0.0,0.0,0.09581350133484988
suicidewatch,Coffle,2019/01/05,My attempt at 15 failed and I hate that it did. I wanted nothing more than to just die and I still do I'm 30 now and I still hate that I lived when I should have died. ,-2.0715384615384638,-0.29607251282051017,0.1596923076923087,107.8103076923077,94.64102564102564,3.12,12.928205128205128,3.1291,-1.9241733333333333,128,2,36,0,5,42,28,39,0.403,0.597,0.0,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,3,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800169114345711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517666006563293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674541009232714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681245339466809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463128308464683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648174589238532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cazzatron5000,2019/01/05,thanks why does no one care ,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,-1.4499999999999975,116.145,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-3.1418,22,0,6,0,1,6,6,6,0.195,0.265,0.54,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5145419737270136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416377783528086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419756413600995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646298700891488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553837662258002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beardiebaldie,2019/01/05,"Hopeless Every bit of hope I've ever had left me today. I'm almost 30 years old and I spent the entire Christmas period comfortable in the knowledge that I've celebrated my last festive period with family. I won't live to see the next one. I've been a wreck ever since I turned 17. It took me till I turned 26 to seek help from a health professional and I've been taking medication in varying doses and typings for the last 4 years all while sitting on a waiting list for councling, and I sit here tonight knowing not what awaits me but certain that I won't have to wait too long to find out.
My doctor always asks me ""Whats keeping you alive?"" my go to answer was always my partner and 6 month old daughter but that's not really true. The only real reason I've not killed myself is the terrifying thought hell might be a very real thing, and, if it is? The morning after I take my life I'll wake up as normal in bed and be forced into living through my nightmarish life continuing along its current path. A chance I'm willing to take, but I don't know how I'd process the thought of being stuck on some infinite loop of my poor excuse for a life. 
If there's anybody who reads this you may be alarmed at that last part, he has a 6 month old daughter and he'd leave her life before he's even played a part? Correct. I love my daughter, but I'm a terrible father. I spend all my waking hours working a job to keep us in a home, keep food on the table, keep her in clothes, paying all the bills. I always said I didn't want children. However as soon as the midwife handed her to me, she was the only thing in the world I wanted. Being a father is the hardest thing I've ever done. It breaks you down every minute of every day, I can't tell you the last time I slept. In fact I can't tell you the last time I did anything. Every little bit of energy I have goes into providing for my family that I don't have a single drop left in the tank when I do have time to spend with them. Every priority in my life is wrong and backwards, my work takes precidence over my family, my health is higher up on my list than my family, I'm disgusted by myself for that but it's true. 
I'm all lost at sea, I don't know where to go or what to do. I want more than anything to have two or three wonderful months in which I can hopefully sort out my depression and priorities and make myself better and hopefully change my mind. In the same breath though I'm utterly defeated. The largest part of me is begging to just slip away and never come back. The thought of potentially delaying by two or three months trying to leave my daughter with some great photos and videos of time spent with her Dad and maybe even the odd memory if she's old enough to form them for recall later down the line, offset by maybe just getting worse and worse in the process makes me just want to disappear tomorrow. 
Back at the beginning I mentioned how this has been an 11 year ride for me so far, but the last 2 months have been the quickest decline I've ever had. I fell down a deep hole at the beginning of November / end of October and I gave up trying to dig myself out of said hole two days after Christmas. There seems to be nothing anybody can do for me. My partner tries to help, knows all about my feelings, my parents too, yet the put it down to sadness. My doctors are supportive they give me medication that I don't think works, but I'm no doctor. For every step I take I can feel the load getting heavier and it's now too much to bear. 
I struggle mainly each day by trying to select a method for taking my life. I used to work very close to a famous bridge, to my knowledge out of the hundreds of people who have/attempted to take their life there only 2 have survived the fall. I've spent probably around 10-15 hours at or walking across the bridge in the year before my partner and I had our daughter just willing myself to find the courage to climb the railing, but back then it wasn't the fear of my life on loop that kept my feet on the ground, it just wasn't time. That was a time when I still had hope, albeit very little, but that glimmer always took me home. Ironically I now work even closer to 2 of my cities most famous locations for suicide attempts. Needless to say I'm around death a lot, or I at least hear it on a weekly basis. 
I honestly don't know what this post is hoping to achieve for me. It could just be a release from holding this inside as there's nobody around right now to talk to. Maybe one of you will reach out to me and we can talk, or maybe it'll serve as time immemorial, who knows. I'm always open to talking, I don't shy away from people. That said if you made it this far into my post, thank you, there's something I've always loved about creation, be it music, art or scribbled down thoughts at 1am in the morning, and sharing is the best part of creation. ",5.3905152520942,5.053404578578578,6.0100279226595,83.18993361782836,67.77877877877879,8.852368157631316,29.137927401085296,8.261097354062574,1.8174320320320323,3830,116,805,46,57,1250,403,999,0.099,0.792,0.109,0.8835,4,0,2,0,0,2,83.0,3,8,4,13,43,34,3,3,60,0,67,25,6,7,15,145,147,55,3,15,29,9,3,0,3,8,16,5,3,4,41,42,1,9,21,4,8,13,18,13,0,8,34,9,107,21,140,95,25,153,1,5,1,2,60,66,1,26,68,530,148,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287744924697722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137750528491056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047344437102454,0.1143550471124988,0.04003036384404901,0.0,0.08046048178354571,0.09877643898038292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287232037594008,0.0,0.04493632420857425,0.03787028438466599,0.09349540111245466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529725325122165,0.0368851262535183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034187810956538105,0.0,0.0,0.08284492234500228,0.0,0.03688029111781738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314824274881852,0.0,0.043819118293152014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792528370195688,0.044243892115589135,0.0,0.08484544026038336,0.1549304145269696,0.21646317495720668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146529828574585,0.04818373556615003,0.04330155588789927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827232157356337,0.0,0.051777394963476144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044742744020134416,0.041076275395803837,0.04867050971251875,0.0,0.0,0.047208545607358994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910300512060785,0.04826058189320614,0.0,0.057401889676088565,0.0,0.08590270977253588,0.21264665583779835,0.08433697799193847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249165270612741,0.1522394197709774,0.047373327840423786,0.0,0.1411945522662224,0.2094211825325657,0.0,0.09067913534618248,0.0930468184864818,0.0,0.2419568987731474,0.0,0.08583258652277002,0.07562063889305043,0.03789382632132346,0.0,0.0,0.04674243917436805,0.03640352722545958,0.0772923702898889,0.040516756709157685,0.05716457119082863,0.0,0.17207139213079276,0.0,0.0,0.08627209219936878,0.0,0.045424622423403636,0.04323539300271897,0.0,0.17089020430346274,0.0,0.031477189824982404,0.0,0.03302496516875051,0.0,0.04553892340696323,0.0,0.041953925860806415,0.04108637431667447,0.0,0.17972705182667015,0.0,0.058031074533269375,0.09769826194434544,0.0,0.0,0.04754588234970735,0.18547697326358256,0.0,0.05937116846184061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201830797189075,0.0,0.04616656124296953,0.0,0.0,0.04304532921525981,0.0,0.0,0.04283099292840318,0.09747571538749078,0.02743120754585187,0.04402548030198112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656753824110949,0.12219318021085974,0.034051709810569264,0.0,0.0,0.034121522248077574,0.03898117848191913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035420654621461496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03296447023546864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034195632455885534,0.0,0.0,0.04476413960243309,0.0,0.046837479625049534,0.048590953802738215,0.0,0.0,0.22536404738342025,0.10324984824474016,0.07485209530367899,0.03942235551381672,0.0,0.0,0.08534193084211547,0.027436946001580687,0.04206984838888031,0.1359752996200754,0.17477837738880048,0.0,0.04058778956729313,0.0,0.09514786983527264,0.11628626207867435,0.09315043432329594,0.12548501148685884,0.0,0.05150647246886393,0.03698221810217445,0.0,0.1059914815709588,0.10102397884432576,0.0,0.03434714417648849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643581859102944,0.1558651854999248,0.0,0.08727326451145184,0.0,0.04681629789020536,0.0,0.1102971727251398
suicidewatch,bonniedinosaur,2019/01/05,"Fantasizing my suicide is the only thing that brings me joy I'm (34M) and I have been severally depressed for the last year. I can't ever remember feeling comfortable or normal. For the longest time, I just used drugs or alcohol to numb everything, but I wasn't really depressed then. I just hated how I felt.  Hell, I don't know maybe I was depressed, but it was never this bad. For the last year, I've thought about killing myself every single day. It's morbid but it's the only thing that makes me happy. I enjoy planning all the fine details. Signing over power of attorney to my sister. Leaving her my house and the few nice belongings I have. I thought about having an intentional overdose because at least I would feel some comfort on my final exit. But I don't want my family to remember me or be associated with me dying of drugs. I think I have decided on helium. I read that if you hook up a helium tank to a gas mask you just drift to sleep. Helium has the same density as oxygen so it isn't hard to breathe and you don't feel like you are choking. I want to wear a diaper. I read when you die your bowels release and I don't want anyone to have to clean up after me. I've written all the notes, and rewritten all the notes. And again. I thought I would put them in the mail the day of. I named my cat after my grandmother Gloria, I want her to have her. I think she would enjoy her a lot. I want to delete all the data and messages on my phone. I want to delete all my social media. I don't want people doing that ""thinking about you, wish you were still here"" bullcrap. I don't know if I will ever actually do it. I kind of doubt I will. But man it feels really good to think about it. ",1.6902874458874493,3.6521745257142895,3.7515064935064935,87.05670562770565,79.45714285714286,6.756709956709956,22.034632034632033,7.793537801064563,1.0089333333333332,1324,40,277,22,33,451,174,350,0.181,0.711,0.108,-0.9787,2,0,3,0,0,2,40.0,0,8,1,2,15,20,3,1,18,0,30,8,4,4,8,68,58,22,4,14,13,1,6,1,0,5,4,0,1,1,14,8,1,0,17,2,0,3,10,9,0,0,10,6,60,11,36,42,11,29,1,3,0,0,21,9,1,8,18,199,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.09317577842918688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204025621009763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676260383589004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972272866329144,0.058204391176732075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315481863746333,0.0,0.2467131896446931,0.0,0.1981886106078467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214555211014406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273623925045847,0.0804469432131482,0.0,0.08581225431329853,0.0,0.09001108168621763,0.0,0.19311244833640395,0.06821171555888879,0.09167682760929363,0.1045948758866216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008501501417789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164140438860736,0.08553230949641491,0.0942678168584988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017236766690776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563568834329004,0.09942887064132146,0.1049478289359122,0.1556596772837528,0.0,0.10110069650305001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664724159388914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117461516612598,0.0,0.0,0.06373437440296753,0.0,0.09592359657080124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364090907578788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355120357890392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523535529244289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661945712293859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598487564425294,0.0,0.0,0.19101387327734684,0.0,0.12233527274902932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632294243359126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786646323613727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555005340466034,0.09733095529220008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625132827863637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444082410936384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268667978378003,0.2447217292124883,0.0,0.2274039796418165,0.05567579613931097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246501235556712,0.0,0.0,0.3942205784150376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979855067626157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034810978058116,0.0,0.0,0.1229733934080603
suicidewatch,OOLLMM,2019/01/05,I regret allowing myself to live after my 16th birthday Now i am 30 days away from being 17 and all i know is that i dont want to go anymore Depression doesn't only affect you it affects everyone around you. I am too tired and weak. I cant stand the guilt that comes with it too. I think i am going to regret it if i dont end my life now ,1.202412280701754,2.210737223684216,3.7894736842105283,90.45464912280704,78.07894736842105,6.64561403508772,20.561403508771924,7.1686216300943375,0.36299824561403504,263,6,62,3,6,93,52,76,0.22,0.755,0.024,-0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,3,1,15,15,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,14,0,8,14,1,11,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,45,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23856767853074864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414652829243214,0.0,0.0,0.2260110061657202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072183589338663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513921733061242,0.0,0.20719119544042236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638614909876659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306189917327972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22986230471087396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734279145958172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220371092091093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991236234319787,0.0,0.0,0.21241603709372853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295426519307084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413906639569513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764846223610021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418866168791683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,420kittenlove,2019/01/05,Being ghosted Why ?! Do people do this!! It’s so frustrating and all it does is reinforce what an ugly horrible person I am. Don’t meet up with me and get my hopes up and invite me to all of these cool things just to never fucking talk to me - you fucking suck ! ,1.5016666666666652,3.345745092592594,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000002,79.55555555555556,6.542222222222222,21.91111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.9035377777777782,201,6,42,3,5,69,42,54,0.224,0.6759999999999999,0.101,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,3,9,11,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,6,2,7,10,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,3,1,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28877375803908417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6101351394234152,0.1724045344125691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277514466042381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545062386583879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287713657344677,0.2881318310027328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26523096879935715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922863211196186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977618491187209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ythrowawayynot,2019/01/05,"I don't think anything will ever get better I'm worried that my mental state has been on a steady decline since 2006 when my mother died. I was in a relationship that started okay but then my now-ex would make up all these lies in their backstory that have been verified as never happening, when we broke up he told everyone I was abusive (when I never ever did anything to them), and then either wanted to be poly or divorce. I tried poly and it fucked up my self-worth. I got a mastectomy that I now completely regret and there is no chance of reconstruction. We divorced anyway.



I'm in a relationship now and I love them more than anything. We started talking about fantasies and we jad a lot that involved multiple people. We tried a glory hole but I got too freaked out when a dick came through and ran away. Then we tried tinder and someone bailed. Now were meeting someone today. My partner is now talking about being a professional mistress. I don't know how to feel and I don't know what to do. I liked the thought of exploring our relationship and making it stronger with these experiments but now it feels like its moving too fast and getting too much. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how people typically think of sex but I feel like there's something wrong with how much value I attribute to it. Ive already told my partner my concerns. 

I'm worried that I'll feel like I did in my last relationship. I don't have any good family (mom was great but she died, father physically abused me and I dont talk to him, my brother and my extended family all feel that I am too much work and keep their distance). I just want to die.",2.3349460866332024,4.705532236196318,3.6461628555493597,86.5166192600855,79.39877300613497,6.405502881576504,25.216211191671313,7.576466943178032,1.3752302658486704,1303,50,257,20,33,425,166,326,0.173,0.705,0.121,-0.9707,1,0,1,0,3,1,29.0,7,0,4,2,25,15,1,0,9,1,27,4,1,7,6,65,61,31,3,4,8,4,6,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,15,23,0,1,15,1,0,4,10,5,0,0,15,6,46,10,28,42,8,36,0,2,0,4,34,10,2,2,25,180,61,2,0.0,0.2042853772210108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513295618283672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862457150890942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128261522413367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099549600235349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624419838145878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859928077755067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038771811914394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684116831932103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103543609218163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596060938611428,0.0,0.08237568469851436,0.0,0.08432821819294033,0.16253894622460993,0.0,0.26153691246213234,0.18476158978565385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969814519173016,0.09008051316834714,0.0,0.0,0.07230739651682062,0.13789723806856075,0.09504490856279503,0.0,0.0,0.07623367766251675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662586055992561,0.0,0.0,0.1895112157775092,0.07027123616724086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846800084875502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329117794231889,0.07780631845666341,0.0,0.11508936299483775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687764746048897,0.0,0.0,0.10096606961509724,0.0,0.09162573494371537,0.19011896618964044,0.0,0.13297824596672556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953190264862355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702216253354399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993401420441703,0.0,0.0,0.07131236170102143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460879541496205,0.06636732860634237,0.0,0.0,0.12203729716000565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787279631876768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047754131853954,0.0,0.06843972713477395,0.0,0.0,0.08171534832430842,0.16475136939702872,0.0,0.1755892445559784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169572805492152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276063841142422,0.1750973408820181,0.0,0.0612398729030561,0.09425519670170728,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Al99be,2019/01/05,"Looking for some reason to not end it.. hey..

​

So .. IDK. I don't want to write a long-ass post like everytime... so, I will try to keep it short. I am at college, and I am going to fail. I have been suicidal for last 2 years (I guess, my memory is quite distorted, can't remember much). And I thought ""at least I will be successful, make my parents proud and then kill myself when I am 30/35, so it at least doesn't look like a loser who killed himself because he is too dumb / bad to be good""... 

​

But even this is gone. I am probably going to fail college (finances degree). The only girl I truly like and which likes me... seems unobtainable. I had chances with her, but I didn't see them and I fu\*\*ed up lately.. so she is probably gone. And I just don't know what to do. Not to mention I am probably going to be forever alone, because I have a bit different brain and some mental / social disoders, so chance of some girl liking me is pretty much zero.

​

So... I wanted to ask you - what are your reasons to live? Why should someone like me try to live? I just don't know. I can't have anyone's love, I can't have success to cope with my solitude.

​

Also sorry for little bit shitty structure / bad usage of words / typos... I am a bit drunk + English is not my native language.

​

Thank you all... I know you can understand, when nobody else can :( ",1.6559627329192566,3.8648395652173946,3.218053830227741,89.54739130434784,80.8840579710145,5.826915113871635,23.262939958592128,7.021680442328713,0.8641287784679088,1064,37,216,13,28,350,151,276,0.174,0.708,0.118,-0.9551,2,1,0,0,0,1,92.0,0,4,1,7,13,20,3,0,5,0,36,3,1,3,1,37,58,19,3,3,7,1,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,1,9,1,1,5,11,8,0,1,6,3,39,12,24,46,11,19,0,3,3,1,19,6,1,5,13,147,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416889559100177,0.0,0.05726844620400452,0.0,0.3879602699060383,0.43508479379786497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007308645047587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694796888383489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958680024636292,0.08730856328953022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23454672666142154,0.0,0.0,0.07994317201279964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481976284529485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982300849117238,0.0,0.0634273703601791,0.0,0.0,0.04729934437282456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209700800453085,0.06006512103766761,0.0,0.0,0.07888918156471378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365243129832089,0.15845711972742355,0.0,0.11806898044334553,0.0583737004674199,0.08078195691105683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991733936099607,0.07177448291666891,0.1264702014528473,0.06337476010292495,0.12027283509144468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463302733500619,0.0,0.047801862958963534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721685008942089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528677346842384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446449122251434,0.0,0.0,0.07951714514770486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858492657472091,0.07285560146245834,0.23163098274167646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616864995537675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725904050412905,0.0,0.0,0.0811229399045362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706584678152946,0.06519328013679047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299986906792523,0.0606769920564139,0.0,0.0,0.08016426891482763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833239140046491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593111770226476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685228195401629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724029845931456,0.0,0.0,0.07455108054665871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447775067121414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461909279524612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43508479379786497,0.046116066521060164
suicidewatch,afewtriesyea,2019/01/05,"It's my birthday and I tried hanging myself. Even though I called the help line yesterday, I was just 5 minutes away from hanging. Tried to partial suspension hang but after struggling so hard, I couldn't do it.

​

I'm done measuring my worth in my education, dateability and friend circle. I've accepted I'm too egotistical and not courageous enough to survive. 

​

All my gaming friends being so friendly wishing me happy birthday. I sincerely couldn't care, because if my parents can dump me and tell me ""Don't kill yourself in the house, it'll bring the price value down."" and my boyfriend of 4 years can cheat on me. Then this is garbage.

​

I'm going to try again later after this. Just had a desperate reach out to nobodies here. ",4.821595744680852,7.118782879432626,4.976897163120569,80.30875,71.2695035460993,7.536879432624112,33.026595744680854,8.344100000000001,2.8096,610,30,104,10,12,191,97,141,0.151,0.608,0.242,0.9482,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,3,1,4,0,12,0,0,0,1,16,19,11,1,4,5,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,2,5,4,4,0,0,3,1,16,8,14,12,2,18,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,7,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075673241904167,0.457073465917225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178043577994816,0.0,0.0,0.0764341958852336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280332155767399,0.0,0.12783947398329126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831350186918572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955734745034586,0.0,0.08281632904774021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906189433081377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125980373671131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347582297527344,0.11232130714527408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404365223613643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467871171133867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872112966161002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392264130678476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310807641569303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959296814698878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319119553636855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553867710225777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418781402285466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457073465917225,0.08074453018401377
suicidewatch,mxckerzz,2019/01/05,"Should I just end it all now. I’m currently 16 years old, I have “major depression” and anxiety. I’m in such a bad state of mind right now, and all I cna think of is suicide. I have everything planned out, but I’m scared. I’ve tried talking to people..it’s just no one seems to care. I feel like I’m a waste of everyone’s time, and it’s seemed proven to me. I just want out of this world. ",-0.386291989664084,1.4088498023255838,1.8575968992248053,98.7640180878553,85.86046511627906,6.14780361757106,18.857881136950905,7.3871296695380915,0.12640981912144644,297,8,77,5,9,100,55,86,0.219,0.6779999999999999,0.103,-0.8422,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,18,14,4,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,7,2,10,13,3,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,8,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802273371419007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967095906279894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020188130718376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291515920762032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866470266713516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251183794614938,0.21173501835501465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912246135559715,0.16830706711372484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509841611936633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788089488025596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472143130515187,0.0,0.1596433267065344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011943945974092,0.0,0.0,0.23586882482820676,0.0,0.0,0.4289484598963978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576995556959979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936003268714607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095792623480545,0.0,0.0,0.1373756675176889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995159384705615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389583442108469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517136096633168
suicidewatch,EL_Miore,2019/01/05,Just About Ready So tired. I just wanna sleep. ,-0.33999999999999986,1.1436488888888905,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,115.66666666666669,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.0292666666666666,36,0,8,0,2,10,8,9,0.273,0.513,0.214,-0.1761,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6566586820946704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.754187891198003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sobellaa,2019/01/05,"I’m a greedy piece of shit Like there is no reason for me to be sad. I’m privileged AF and nothing seriously bad has ever happened to me. I want to die though, it’s so stupid. I’m so done with living. I’m done.",-2.1051785714285707,-0.2711185416666666,1.3426190476190492,97.65000000000002,99.0,4.40952380952381,15.190476190476188,6.18269132825596,-0.6345273809523809,162,4,41,2,7,58,36,48,0.322,0.496,0.183,-0.8859,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,1,5,11,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,6,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322330218601697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886625979281208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5692620359078501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515911051873361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459558896454962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588383210694566,0.0,0.24560032543852955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668802340465771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859714609141666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28550393433361715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732684782013433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405258170558598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BTCheese15,2019/01/05,"Not sure if allowed so remove or left me know if not I’ve posted here before and I’ve recently had a bit of a break through. I’m feeling hopeful for the first time in years, I feel like I’m on the right path for once.  I was able to work my way through a project out of passion for it and got through it without any panic attacks or anything like it. Even thought this is someone a normal person can easily do I just feel proud of the work I’ve done and I think I’ve done a really good job tbh. 
Wanted to post this so anyone that suffers with depression, anxiety and has suicidal tendencies knows that it’s possible to feel good again, even if it’s for a short while. I haven’t felt anything close to happy in so long and having felt pride in myself it feels like something worth sticking around for and trying to feel again.
I hope you’re all doing well, have a great day guys",3.5559890109890087,4.539096027472528,4.328241758241759,88.96675824175823,72.24175824175823,7.358241758241759,26.637362637362642,7.61054688173877,1.2783274725274725,695,23,149,8,13,223,113,182,0.076,0.6779999999999999,0.246,0.9837,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,11,18,1,1,10,0,12,1,0,1,2,38,30,15,1,7,9,0,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,12,0,1,1,4,4,1,1,8,8,9,14,24,22,2,24,0,2,0,1,2,10,0,7,12,91,19,4,0.11884176388277458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081647469801699,0.0,0.09091362408611044,0.0,0.0,0.0830969245154788,0.0,0.19559329140198908,0.10579436577275952,0.0,0.13519966297073602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112558795473517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974442641300082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664310617056343,0.0,0.10235823709169126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323277086239886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698772844240705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605397996875969,0.16980115972712276,0.22821346040948565,0.0,0.0,0.10108674364834484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935766627114831,0.09504861497879444,0.1310234642290412,0.0,0.11767203051944825,0.0,0.12650926750683347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360733731245968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793211306866155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062465089869296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912192418494273,0.0,0.0,0.17418024871128213,0.0,0.0,0.10517122130404016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643969610947592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656259995956434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943520402796974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376804428191627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339762324746845,0.22763511780389076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613307706058763,0.0,0.11734190465701808,0.0,0.0,0.10149021701552356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069424088177444,0.09149019592022643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999360088895645,0.0,0.11200695602501022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614900367597563,0.0,0.09434708576908007,0.06929758822019484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068575669814239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009595142198996,0.09433106054136488,0.0,0.0,0.10685301805269357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455921950476082,0.0,0.173036439010473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653019956022536
suicidewatch,MihuThisIs,2019/01/05,"first and last time here this is either going to be my last day or the start of something better in my life
i will follow up tomorrow if alive
long live kek",4.518181818181817,4.500013090909093,5.148030303030303,87.54204545454546,69.60606060606061,7.8121212121212125,22.560606060606066,7.1686216300943375,0.5807696969696967,124,2,27,1,2,40,31,33,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.6705,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,4,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,8,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30519236669608063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254597353434732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935221300474666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611508454215146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625672597209652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24373793257319945,0.0,0.0,0.30470911599735123,0.30538208851839715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656569616920745,0.0,0.0,0.24424711870609875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121704357499964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,howeewoh,2019/01/05,"Soon People always said to wait because it'll get better but it hasn't. Looking forward I can see that things will not change for me.

Noone likes me. It is a cliche but it is true, my ""friends"" put up with me to not hurt my feelings but I know. I've heard what they say about me. I've thought about sticking it out until I go to university in september but I can't. I'm almost at breaking point.

Really it is the loneliness, I don't have anyone to talk to.

I just hope that when I'm gone someone will care, because they certainly don't right now.",0.4815117056856195,2.686689365217393,2.2252173913043483,94.86484949832777,85.78260869565217,5.2775919732441485,21.02006688963211,6.67199483983844,0.29459866220735803,427,14,96,5,13,140,76,115,0.031,0.765,0.204,0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,0,2,17,27,6,0,1,7,0,1,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,10,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,4,6,14,7,14,20,0,16,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,2,7,61,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635369814810904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808944497249844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805751382062078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755926472086348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992044934888584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304702669058959,0.0,0.2391280491128634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429629657230612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746435675543381,0.0,0.11810037388086465,0.0,0.12846787830970074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245159532250261,0.0,0.0,0.2419882881296924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422967327080844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043528276763287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898227834778357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567127217305192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368774424528955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272399507665161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481167564112082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304314175431173,0.215022727291832,0.17976186968332722,0.0,0.0,0.1801304154733466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152912653058946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168824089643185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017576832321208,0.0,0.0,0.17945629034807298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyprotest,2019/01/05,"I don’t see how it can get better. I’ve never been this low before. The only thing stopping me is not having the tools.

 I’m a shit person. I think the majority of the people in my life will be relieved. Some people will be sad for a short period of time but only because they didn’t have to deal closely with me.

I’m a shit mom. I had her too young and I wasn’t ready. She’s always deserved better than me and her dad is everything she needs in a parent. She doesn’t even like coming to my house. She’ll celebrate her 4th birthday on Tuesday but I don’t think I’m going to be here. I hope she’s able to forget about me.

I keep failing out of school because I don’t have time to study. I don’t have time to study because I work 60 hours a week between my two jobs and I still can’t pay my fucking bills. I’ll never be able to get out from under this extreme poverty. I’ll never be able to have the time or money to get help and that’s just the truth because that’s the state of our country.

I can’t do this anymore. The thought of being able to escape almost makes me giddy. I should’ve done this a long time ago.",0.6875035637918749,2.3993713319672167,2.7170634354953656,94.4778296507484,81.58196721311475,4.899215965787596,19.21525302922309,5.511479884284512,-0.348070349251604,871,21,200,4,23,293,128,244,0.11,0.76,0.13,0.7881,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,4,7,12,3,0,14,0,30,4,2,2,4,30,47,8,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,3,0,3,2,13,6,0,1,6,1,32,6,27,32,2,29,0,3,1,1,16,9,3,4,18,129,40,5,0.4513777557852575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002978648207017,0.0,0.11299740525930001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389561298286113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191136122946548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275155690389833,0.0,0.09602230615766114,0.0,0.0,0.1996034720839054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720549222276986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633766157096367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547903979445726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453268766279014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014173054735201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432286545480356,0.1768696856009692,0.0,0.06413209515430647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563724876702965,0.0,0.0,0.11207998968563906,0.11112904158089083,0.13020733175965746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198069347164358,0.10030132222426093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970536443431339,0.05513009287639002,0.0,0.0,0.09986377746008254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532453924809376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216204305152485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367272163199807,0.2610977638631791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716465615676788,0.0,0.0,0.12530039521088435,0.0,0.0,0.15646425105088854,0.09853141147500584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420459669074012,0.08992240782145078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166638992046115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011771470963087,0.09434300379861378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496883104706857,0.14461232003611826,0.0,0.08958587967722682,0.32900249910267665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023261991226567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051700225110497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215209552369822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kyriekhross,2019/01/05,"i need help i’m losing it, y’all. i’m pregnant and my boyfriend hates me for not being strong enough for an abortion and i hate my shitty job and i hate my roommate for being a disgusting slob and i hate my mom for telling me how terrible being a mother is 

all of my friends have stopped inviting me out because i can’t go to bars so i sit at home alone and cry. none of my hobbies are fun anymore, i throw up daily from the pregnancy hormones, and i have no one to reach out to to make any of this even slightly better. i want to die but i’m 5 months pregnant with a little girl and i love her and want to keep her safe and happy but i can’t do this i can’t keep being alive like this ",0.32227373068433,2.1315863046357606,2.245933774834437,96.89018101545254,83.30463576158941,4.821368653421634,21.32494481236203,5.6839178017228535,-0.09748247240618067,536,17,127,3,15,178,89,151,0.174,0.62,0.206,0.8519,1,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,3,3,15,5,0,5,0,12,2,0,2,1,25,27,13,1,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,12,1,4,0,1,0,2,6,7,0,1,0,0,24,8,19,23,3,10,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,3,84,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630733876625153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707315367648554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615065058593966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598163134370673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925401175849467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295426572231676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634109194796307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269060486381032,0.0,0.10399594411687868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164747272709545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948392970800227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761119922484286,0.0,0.6218073009519277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553714541354836,0.0,0.15793777563491052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624739031462986,0.27990217521944644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692337734915329,0.1578088494331919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614916220562962,0.0,0.0,0.14210710080577393,0.0,0.10510081978682197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440655871344128,0.12567714716777587,0.0,0.0,0.11674909299282706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669394311026176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163740713669878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762049492011505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857392222749443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ithinkthisisokay,2019/01/05,"I dunno what to do, I’m not looking for sympathy. Just advice. I woke up this morning with a shitty headache and anxiety as I always do I don’t know if I should go check that out. But since the new year started I’ve felt like shit. I felt like I can’t do this anymore. Every year since 2010 I’ve been thinking about suicide. I know that maybe my family cares, my friends care, and My girlfriend cares. But it doesn’t seem like they do. I’ve been trying to reach out but they always seem ignore it cause I’ve been talking about it for so long they don’t think I can do it. Since the new year started I feel like I can’t make it after this. And I think the next bad event could push me to the edge. I’ve never seen the appeal to drinking. But since October I’ve been getting drunk to feel something else other than sad, I’ve been smoking more to keep myself from feeling suicidal. I feel like I should be alone now. All my friends have been angry at me, and my girlfriend doesn’t show like she cares anymore. I feel lost. My job has me stressed, and now the new semester is coming up. I don’t think I can handle this anymore. I wanna die so this pain ends. So 5 years from now everyone doesn’t have to worry ab me dying cause at least it’s over with and everyone can just move on. I’m not worth anything. I’m sorry ",0.9961397627643152,3.0296761010830338,2.3685752965446127,95.70133122743685,82.2129963898917,5.112377514182568,20.36217122227952,6.18269132825596,-0.0311669932955132,1028,29,231,8,28,331,134,277,0.203,0.6829999999999999,0.114,-0.9847,1,1,2,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,3,1,11,19,1,1,7,0,30,4,1,3,2,47,63,15,4,5,9,0,7,6,4,2,1,0,0,0,15,11,2,2,15,3,2,4,11,7,0,0,11,9,33,12,27,48,3,30,0,2,2,0,9,8,1,4,24,137,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452752005512912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958867731401203,0.0,0.0,0.14395108689716354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661728278097686,0.0,0.2573564659734931,0.0,0.0,0.07118273703636853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222450309470703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527730694663277,0.1777201713090677,0.0,0.07451272649125594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906380066670639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954821868475593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473779206856552,0.0,0.0,0.07226026706968057,0.0,0.07661397909184732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288060251421229,0.16531032414012478,0.0,0.0,0.08154519742119111,0.0,0.2186868609547669,0.12359228902677252,0.16610854722109258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336605112143377,0.0,0.045193065420543965,0.0,0.04916036281769543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858386351856692,0.07688583040637086,0.0,0.0,0.09507708683401747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25355934760487137,0.0,0.0,0.07655043111364172,0.0726388341554061,0.0,0.09442577373316258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057739914306594635,0.0,0.08690161781395844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919365951163737,0.0,0.0,0.06671470174966904,0.25062885535207424,0.09199451619623072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204288399124806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749404627579472,0.0,0.0,0.08879176451161687,0.2862172174019279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659249415881638,0.0,0.0968304942752239,0.12245133515150684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908630312755648,0.0,0.0,0.1892355354759397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952601661751724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170472066378075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058728323046828915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784569828832745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228145569447042
suicidewatch,agsrhg,2019/01/05,"Everything is hard I’m a 23 year old girl having constant suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it’s all consuming and everything burns to the point I can only think of that one thing. Sometimes there’s no emotion, no thought, and your mind just wanders to an image of getting run over or jumping off a cliff. And it doesn’t feel terrifying, it’s calming. 

I’ve been having thoughts like what if life is like a game? You die and then reset again so you have another chance at redoing everything. But other times there’s a feeling there might be nothing, but that prospect still seems better than what I have now.",4.14295652173913,6.3728923826087005,4.183695652173913,85.55032608695655,73.0,7.382608695652173,30.630434782608692,8.238735603445708,2.3159739130434778,484,22,90,8,10,149,84,115,0.124,0.772,0.104,-0.3252,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,0,1,19,20,10,2,1,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,3,5,4,8,14,1,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,10,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743634719822243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470648532668084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969413603641446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257673651186678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704733270472595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483365241835676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815656566489698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687662623864227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148957972851643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745144112706,0.1624761119594886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764012481010829,0.16789962978076378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955416518058949,0.0,0.17448728557520204,0.0,0.1126784707300232,0.1264666196792992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719230751380825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513788815362567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289186319140454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327947690703583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188791503330004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047182719233158,0.10654819480166408,0.0,0.39603321861969704,0.09696164851202467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070815666302104
suicidewatch,memeapocalypse1101,2019/01/05,"I just give up. (16/F) I’ll just give you the jist of it because im not worth the time you’d take to read this. 

3 years ago, my freshman year high school, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve tried everything to make it better, therapy, groups, literally every antipsychotic and anticonvulsant you could name. Nothing has worked. My own psychiatrist said I’m running out of options. 

In October my homeroom teacher and neighbour for 3 years committed suicide. She was found in the creek across from my house. I couldn’t bear the mourning of it, she’s taught me so much about coping with mental illnesses yet she gave in herself. My boyfriend at the time thought I was overreacting to her loss and started getting angry with me, which broke me down even more because due to my not so pleasant relationship with my dad, I’m very triggered by yelling. I relapsed into cutting and drug abuse (I got addicted to Xanax when I had a prescription for it). So I had to get a family friend of mine to break up with him for me over text. 

In November I was hit by a car while walking to my bus. They were going 50 in a 35 (my street), and I shattered and broke off their mirror with my head and dented their passenger door. While not being physically injured I have lost my short term memory (as well as retrograde amnesia for about 2 weeks prior). My memory loss has made school extremely difficult. I had dreams of being an engineer. I loved my classes. Now I’m failing Chemistry, Algebra, and my intro to Engineering class. I’ll never achieve my dreams. Even worse my parents have been even harder on me and it’s just stressing me out and making me have panic attacks. 

I just give up. ",3.774347826086956,5.912730130434787,4.7260559006211205,81.66187888198759,73.78260869565217,8.078260869565218,29.201863354037272,8.841846274778883,2.497675776397516,1330,57,249,28,28,432,191,322,0.177,0.758,0.065,-0.9886,1,0,1,0,2,1,42.0,0,3,3,7,16,17,2,2,10,0,19,9,1,4,2,38,42,18,2,2,7,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,7,19,0,0,2,3,1,4,5,12,1,0,17,2,50,5,48,19,4,42,0,7,0,1,25,20,0,1,17,166,57,9,0.0,0.14508648806087934,0.0,0.13349157490312089,0.0,0.0,0.10854697669298702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930768379388994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492921226870834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829950854695937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776855878031414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428696615216585,0.0,0.0,0.14034146314556326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200631669533306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426366643914222,0.0,0.10317172530428713,0.0,0.11005263812567424,0.0,0.11543755701775875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426312265435938,0.09460669280517464,0.0,0.1279530182346609,0.35240351456983265,0.06959272115645987,0.0,0.0979366524262646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567185165952766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937805611271275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129403553515468,0.0,0.0,0.13226998567107004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336716444865126,0.0,0.1105183899835454,0.11586775517574975,0.16347632627684094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234035733002736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001686266357334,0.0,0.09444311168163086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174967185689779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367192111025726,0.13596929031749785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248588992911172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146842949507292,0.0,0.0,0.1164806090021028,0.0,0.0,0.2478574458907551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667268846282401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026921423570882,0.0,0.0,0.1339434363219352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206923042829482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003539431862055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972138073601477,0.14280636941451014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313738092090134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103634508174623,0.0,0.0,0.0982242117994612,0.0,0.11009973045960483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914706220720868,0.0,0.12478981620357307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365666734685604
suicidewatch,throwaway1398112,2019/01/05,"Tonight's the night, how can I give my family good memories before I go (trigger warning) 
I'm so tired. 15 years of hell and it's going to be all over. I'm going to at least try and get out of bed and give my family a couple of memories before I go, how can i make it memorable? Also what are the pros and cons of leaving notes? I've heard they just get confiscated when the emergency people come in, is that true?

",0.6932070707070714,2.6881335227272736,3.375606060606064,88.27646464646465,83.0909090909091,7.092929292929293,20.005050505050505,8.167268648758528,0.9872308080808079,322,9,71,7,9,113,60,88,0.127,0.809,0.063,-0.7771,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,4,2,14,18,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,10,16,2,13,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605000061803309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415624498611665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288558977668775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207113206417325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784048769514148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971531004073668,0.3850601485717196,0.4562505611908106,0.16833794064232638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251270345413936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396904943107216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834369298280207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391403597849597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306755407532306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362623708010248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924445226392653
suicidewatch,Tannyr,2019/01/05,"I think it’s over for me I’ve always felt so low, over everything, no matter how trivial or stupid it may sound to someone else. I mean, I was literally playing a video game, but I had such horrible things said to me, and my mood has reached and all time low. I’m usually sad all the time but right now I feel so weird and tired and sick of being alive and I don’t think I can do it anymore. Kinda like the straw that broke the camel’s back you know?

I’ve had issues with depression and anxiety for like 4 years, and even though I’m only 16, almost 17, it feels like three lifetimes of constant pain.

Not to mention I pretty much just lost most of my friends this morning after a huge argument since I guess I’m too pathetic to settle an argument kindly and not just be a bitch about it and cry like a little girl while blocking them on social media for the third time.

I think I’m too soft for the world, I really just wasn’t meant to be here. I really wish I wasn’t. I just wish I was never born so I didn’t have to make this decision, so I wouldn’t have to live up to it for so long. 

I just don’t know man. I’m sitting here in my bedroom, with my dog at my feet, he’s getting older and starting to have problems and I don’t know how much longer he’ll be around and I don’t know what I’ll do without him.

I’m just rambling now, but I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know",2.168172787477424,2.9348250165562924,3.79078868151716,92.33426851294399,75.32450331125828,7.080313064419025,22.99879590608068,7.348242739294969,0.5980145695364234,1073,28,258,12,22,359,155,302,0.224,0.649,0.127,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,26,19,2,0,10,0,27,4,1,3,3,61,56,25,0,4,14,0,4,4,1,3,3,2,1,2,12,15,0,1,15,3,0,0,15,11,0,2,11,6,32,7,30,38,5,30,0,6,0,0,12,13,1,6,20,163,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282538591467085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206220995827084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383388748259858,0.0,0.12164488290419335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919261787222746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431728838127944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132550928205613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473527854431108,0.0,0.0,0.1056461162859559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246595157110666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101518883935951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023810373898786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404026839380755,0.08762769648891272,0.11777198621955355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476612822265773,0.0,0.06408432518338024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512284422952442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802424854939612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773059330652933,0.4044614517821517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970019196514064,0.12293665725062722,0.10831024604160287,0.10854945719580528,0.0,0.0,0.13389691390258074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818759119358667,0.0,0.0,0.13361173532898918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033712618925785,0.0,0.09460227142491008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328778442786988,0.13051794680495224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478841702248546,0.0,0.1173682078803254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715714027285393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047502142803048,0.11667690731857795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146488771222753,0.0,0.0,0.12503552123619666,0.10392867036184536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681875314239074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148926591542334,0.2357850250060089,0.12051195802185455,0.0,0.2145705496145536,0.14097860916888338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350916863693044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821038583987988,0.11823901006214893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898844872527874
suicidewatch,Itsover411,2019/01/05,"You have been exposed God is not love and the government knows it. Money has in God we trust on it not in love we trust ,love is against there agenda and you don't need money to love but share what you have and we all will have the same. Money is used to control us in this system where God gets the glory and separates lender and borrowers,sheeps and goats, wheat and tares,but love isn't seperation, it's togetherness. In true love all are equal, all is balanced and that's one for all and all for one the true meaning of One Love. In Ecclesiastes it says money answers all things. I say love should answer all things because when all things are gone all you have left is your love for one another. If God was perfect he wouldn't need two testaments he would have gotten it right in the first testament.""Think not that I come to send peace on earth I came not to send peace""  is written in the book of Matthew but true love brings peace wherever it goes,he didn't come to bring peace so later he could pretend to be it. It also says ""I am come to set a man at variance against his father and the daughter against her mother and the daughter in law against her mother in law""."" A man's foes shall be they of his own household "" is what's written in the book of Matthew chapter 10:34,35,36. That's what hate does, it brings division and true love brings togetherness. People use to always say God is a jealous God, jealousy never was love so there's no way a jealous God could be it or a jealous anything. This is the reason that things are going the way they are going in this world, with much room to be better and God gets the glory from it and the government profits as well. Love is against there agenda that's why they use money. You don't need money to love one another and share what you have. There's no upper, middle or lower class in true love which brings equality and balance. The government and others profited from this. We as a people have yet to walk in the fullness of love together and experience the greatness of love. God wanted things to be the way that they are to pretend to be a king of love and get glory from it and the fullness of this world is his which is also written so he's mostly responsible and just because you can do whatever you want doesn't mean it right. He created evil, love doesn't. Once love creates evil it's no longer love and with one who knows all things there's no excuse. He knows all things yet lies, cheat and manipulates to get what he wants which is praise, glory and worship and the government helps with this and whoever speaks out against them they want to get rid of through the prison system and God helps with this if you won't praise or worship him. They also use this same system to get people to praise glory and worship him and would rather you walk in the way of hate than the way of love and he's not getting glory from it. That way he could pretend to be it without it being obvious that he never were it or be contested by true love which leaves room for him getting glory, pretending to be it. When all of this is over which will be soon cause the government hid the truth and knows there will be a time for true love which the truth will come out and it's here and they will be exposed along with God, all we will have is our love for one another to keep us strong ,true love.All of this will be over soon and God is looking forward to gaining glory forever more for something he never was.

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suicidewatch,WalkingInsanity,2019/01/05,"How do you want to kill yourself? Sometimes I just want to find the easiest least painful way.

But mostly, I want to kill myself in a way that will make people remember. Like pouring gasoline all over myself, then lighting myself on fire. Or I wish I had been brave enough to kill myself when I visited my grandma for Christmas. She has these neighbors that have overly protective pitbulls. I would have liked to climb over their fence, and let them rip me apart. But I wouldn't want the dogs killed because of me. I don't know if all dogs that kill a human would be killed. Maybe just stabbing myself in the chest would be ok, or slitting my throat. ",4.187519999999999,6.010160912000001,3.8226000000000013,89.92030000000004,71.88,6.28,26.1,6.742157984588678,0.9821199999999995,514,17,100,4,10,154,81,125,0.202,0.637,0.161,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,2,1,4,11,6,0,5,1,15,3,2,2,2,26,22,9,6,10,7,0,1,2,1,5,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,2,21,4,13,12,5,13,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,4,74,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739666039082844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537473432253432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090086171053408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8054560448412345,0.0,0.06668426846323765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407646903396932,0.0,0.11855937233026373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099415063877799,0.0,0.12190047055842915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911233590735108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412058836138152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745245913384385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200065230425428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28627351487799857,0.1926251353717568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395328727503531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585853998287691,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lysecro,2019/01/05,"What is good about me? Hey, I hate every single cell of me.

​

I have social anxiety, it started when I hit puberty, I am 18 now. I stopped going to school and have no education, a.k.a. no future. I weigh 200 kg / 440 pounds and I am 195 cm tall / 6'5"" - an obese giant with an ugly face. I can't leave the house looking like this, but I am too depressed to change anything.

​

I do a lot of drugs, also the hard ones like heroin and meth. I am a failure. My mum knows about it and kicked me out into my own very small apartment she pays for just so she doesn't have to see me. I haven't received a text in a year. I only order food online because I cannot leave my house.

​

I have good memories from years ago, I was thinner, I even had a girlfriend once, but never anything serious. Now I'm looking at her Instagram daily still, she probably doesn't even know me anymore.

​

Please, tell me one good thing about me that makes people wanna hang out with me. I am a bunch of rotting cells that cry ugly.

​

I will probably end it / give me a golden heroin shot soon.",1.535951821386604,3.779219265765768,2.950924402663535,91.09750293772034,81.56756756756756,5.302311006658833,22.264786525656085,6.498293943080001,0.4942939287113202,855,28,175,8,23,278,139,222,0.168,0.7390000000000001,0.093,-0.9582,0,0,2,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,0,0,14,8,1,0,11,0,19,5,1,1,1,19,31,9,0,1,3,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,9,3,1,2,0,1,3,8,3,0,2,2,4,35,5,19,27,4,26,0,1,3,0,13,9,0,1,15,118,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695944206154486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278445710070328,0.0,0.4253280215762113,0.4769915089727066,0.0,0.0,0.06005997190507949,0.0,0.0778608714359983,0.0,0.0,0.12921416019340293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785899661786392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305322082896521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623960129004647,0.0,0.0,0.06762058938666446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104673050543026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953659959977443,0.0,0.0,0.10371029264835682,0.0,0.06614810163489313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493466179948026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531399205065661,0.044619069600021474,0.1975515103869341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703295821526166,0.07751241851332794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118010909322732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629413844129115,0.0,0.0,0.16626160996380074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671208761194248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318573342863062,0.0,0.0,0.0667464353487659,0.0,0.0,0.05240606674729167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060551789085691365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361063893576062,0.10640088089720487,0.05971042937834185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442898201561434,0.0,0.0,0.08618045668888047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929422119973184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945636012866703,0.06256234360553875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003110703449855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556981613420859,0.0,0.06269822582825584,0.06563791565887694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862124250988152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052158587401097634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477901191992347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769915089727066,0.10111579384677699
suicidewatch,stingray1967,2019/01/05,EMERGECY! I’m feeling suicidal and this time im making sure I succeed I don’t know why the fuck I’m crying for help but I need it bad if I’m gonna live my plan is to shoot my heart with my nail gun ,-3.2206249999999983,-1.7449984791666644,0.2708333333333339,103.8075,106.70833333333334,3.233333333333334,14.333333333333336,5.148860815047168,-1.2490916666666667,155,4,42,1,8,55,38,48,0.338,0.536,0.127,-0.9252,0,0,0,2,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,9,11,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,17,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478319740873673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260424012481465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008091197614992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27440494423320033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517326640013795,0.1989519262089421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32061611058505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312429377085882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620971513972708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198129392838806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008797796314092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246724748177541,0.0,0.27974896733961346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730779000850318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678335284193321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_COUPLE_PICS,2019/01/05,"It’s my 28th birthday and I don’t know why I’m alive I was supposed to go to two parties tonight but my designated driver is bailing on me so I don’t want to go because I bought stuff for cocktails and that’s a lot to bring to a Lyft. I also have chronic back pain which makes me not want to stay the night in someone’s couch or floor bc it’s not worth the extra pain that will come later. Two people I’ve never met at one party hate me anyway and at the other party I only know the hosts who will be busy. 

I got my master’s degree but I’m not using it and I’m barely making ends meet at my current job. I feel like a burden to everyone, i think I’m a terrible person and I don’t think I can find anyone to be with romantically because I’m such an ugly fat worthless piece of shit

I’ve been on one date since after my partner of 2.5 years broke up with me 8 months ago and I doubt it will go anywhere 

I’m tired of where I am in life and just who I am at all

I’m scared of dying tbh and I haven’t been properly suicidal since my nephew was born 3 years ago but I’m just doubting what the point is anymore...",1.292983870967742,2.4400216854838703,3.5201935483870948,91.91029032258066,78.11290322580646,5.927741935483872,21.27096774193549,6.2581,0.11396548387096805,870,22,205,6,20,300,138,248,0.229,0.691,0.08,-0.9931,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,2,3,10,0,19,7,2,3,2,36,46,14,2,2,9,1,1,1,1,3,6,0,1,2,12,11,2,0,6,1,2,5,8,11,0,4,7,1,25,1,25,34,4,33,0,2,0,0,7,12,1,4,16,123,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409330047858164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867859642588044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477555775608416,0.0950239287925532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449814940131914,0.0,0.16568586618302214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706518701364098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104198563156606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036641541091342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298575754909484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871475378934125,0.09708646502192447,0.0,0.0,0.1242094699638859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23170405934296215,0.0,0.108691060159433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417239295535058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348590550123714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937336848414168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598967280685848,0.06639351836070663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115536698812251,0.0,0.0,0.18142763484158145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084735000665802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481389427886237,0.0,0.0,0.12753225801150356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841777237292695,0.10335751803055984,0.2892128079348905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421544190242263,0.11866199992697173,0.0,0.0,0.12846873585554644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605887622040766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949864683911928,0.22483455954072865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151470097258244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448505389216875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555721495409702,0.14865174308657872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415752857572736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561962182772447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26550767801184383,0.0,0.0,0.11737333494682985,0.0,0.0,0.16031381992551866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262795261258555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502934737701678
suicidewatch,biscuitsmom01,2019/01/05,"Does anyone else think that some people are supposed to die by suicide? I’m starting to think that it’s my purpose, but I’m scared I’ll just be reborn into a worse life but being as stupid as I am now. Anyone else feel this way? ",0.7720408163265304,2.7795384489795936,2.440163265306122,95.02269387755103,82.87755102040815,3.92,17.963265306122448,3.1291,-0.7803175510204081,180,4,39,0,5,59,38,49,0.32299999999999995,0.677,0.0,-0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,10,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292950315341385,0.4825378354257381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443827870323953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606315700907596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393413325680475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906173162614465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663208558914227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324665432425473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357485767259169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666831216356626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575681780857693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30176193298348497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690673413449435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399661117097129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FamiliarBreath,2019/01/05,"I can't keep suffering, and making other people suffer I can't remember ever having truly enjoyed life. I have fantasised about suicide since before puberty, I self-harmed as a teenager, and as a young adult I attempted to hang myself. I have been prescribed numerous SSRIs, none of which had any effect. I have been prescribed therapy, which only made me more anxious and guilty for wasting the therapist's time.

This Christmas, I have felt lonelier than I have in years. I have watched my ex-partner show her true colours before disappearing with a chunk of my savings. I have watched my few friends become fewer. I have watched dementia transmute my grandfather, my first male role model, into a shadow of his former self.

This New Years Day I totalled my car. I don't even remember getting into my car, or why I was driving so far out of town.  Thankfully I was the only person involved in the accident and I was the only person injured. My breath contained twice the legal limit for alcohol. The police have taken my blood. Justifiably, I will receive a hefty fine, and lose my licence. But given how little I remember of New Years Eve, I am concerned that my blood may test positive for more than just alcohol. In which case I may receive a prison sentence, in which case I will lose my job, and probably my family will disown me.

So tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm not better off dead, and this world is not better off without me.",5.876301763017629,6.925024036900371,6.5229950799508,75.1115446904469,66.93357933579335,9.269454694546946,33.136736367363675,9.444778638647367,3.229447560475605,1138,49,193,22,18,373,156,271,0.145,0.7440000000000001,0.111,-0.895,1,0,2,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,0,8,7,13,0,0,12,0,26,7,3,4,3,34,36,14,2,0,6,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,9,11,2,3,5,1,0,7,7,5,0,2,10,5,43,8,25,21,5,32,0,4,4,0,14,13,0,3,12,139,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497607472958874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794640813670673,0.0,0.0,0.13201068610878314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905501354285576,0.19886667859628315,0.0,0.0,0.20669405431919613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536055052784764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771803377541077,0.1057002740943883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015865630801992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219725343627453,0.0,0.0,0.09939514501739397,0.0,0.0,0.0902803769102666,0.0,0.06105089592773277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595862184902073,0.10386436031229858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253676528728927,0.0,0.11711745494759244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614573471991216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056918172327262,0.0780003185534231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257148085619151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26661603139943896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101119201005216,0.2040631528393546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259873522516855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971151810532629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438064326430324,0.0,0.0,0.09666205085740368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278182711735083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426943319798266,0.10758258915085993,0.13363164703260166,0.13567539801920586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813795342407092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544170270077882,0.0,0.0,0.11264217072187395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776046676665484,0.0,0.2257485999339513
suicidewatch,millz19ca,2019/01/05,"There isn’t a reason to go on anymore. I went to the hospital and came back and felt worse. My mom kicked me out. I’m 27 with no education no job no life. She was all I had family wise and the only support I had. We would fight and I definitely would treat her bad and lash out. She kicked me out on Christmas Day after I caused a scene because I was alone and depressed and lost all self control. 

I spent nights in motels blowing all the money I had saved. I had nowhere to go and had to call my dad who is non existent in my life. He let me stay for a few days until I could hear back from her. I never did. Every day I got more and more suicidal staying in a tiny room not knowing what to do with my life. 

I tried to kill myself and went to emergency. They sent me to a mental hospital where I only stayed 2 nights. I told them everything. And how living with my dad was making me more fucked up. I tried to get either of my parents to visit Me and my dad said he didn’t care and my mom didn’t reply. She told my dad I’m not allowed to live there and she hopes I get the help I need. I told the doctor everything and they did an assessment on me. 

A social worker spoke with me and I told him the situation and he called my mom. She said I’m not allowed to live there and she wants me on my own two feet but she loves and cares for me. She says I don’t have any mental issues. I’m just lazy and it’s my behaviour. 

Lazy = depression 
Behaviour = mental 

After she said that they said I don’t need any medication and basically I asked to leave. I didn’t see a point in wasting more time there after that but it also made me more suicidal and depressed. I just didn’t say anything. I went back to my dads and today is back to square 1. The thoughts and feelings have intensified and I just want to speak to my mom. I want my life back. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go about anything or do anything. I’ve worked jobs before but now I feel like I’m at a point of no return and I don’t know when I’ll ever speak to her again. 

I feel like a burden on everyone and the road to fixing myself seems way too difficult. I’m ready to end things now because there doesn’t seem to be a point anymore. 

I ruined a perfectly good life. I’m ashamed of myself and guilty. ",0.4480246913580253,2.4001308888888886,2.5501827160493846,94.09142222222222,83.73251028806584,5.698699588477367,18.979259259259265,6.918507183188421,0.075122271604938,1756,45,409,22,50,591,209,486,0.154,0.753,0.094,-0.9832,5,1,0,0,1,1,37.0,1,0,4,5,24,24,3,1,20,0,31,10,1,9,6,83,87,37,3,9,11,10,4,2,0,2,7,10,1,1,7,37,0,1,11,1,2,9,18,12,0,1,34,16,80,12,51,48,11,57,0,5,2,2,56,20,1,4,26,264,87,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697111740682675,0.0,0.051710785280996326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794578746137653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282561637240969,0.0,0.0,0.1596358239342921,0.0,0.06045095115063087,0.0,0.0,0.24860835268692666,0.0539907030823953,0.078835635829447,0.0,0.055023245559807255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205581402905736,0.07395697032761453,0.13185598538522536,0.06642646601748298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252478298417002,0.05162795167518632,0.0,0.0,0.12510639107018878,0.0,0.1670818196009721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618507417868708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727201185011557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584911678345209,0.054481163624638014,0.06178803760962175,0.1162294372293256,0.0,0.060958294666142,0.0,0.09808630206023664,0.092390176383326,0.06208638943975851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597796790466317,0.0675672457948048,0.0,0.1102480088578498,0.054236054629306425,0.05171671569849096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287962932070452,0.0,0.04334208455213665,0.0,0.0,0.06422471029479172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674911208371092,0.12833562203205118,0.0,0.07153976262321714,0.0,0.10661088436558752,0.0,0.0,0.06846852557409909,0.0,0.06612205245961078,0.2283660961288652,0.06318191594132144,0.0,0.1712952035177244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705870403326629,0.0,0.058360664905687025,0.06118546636621195,0.04316289397301177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514092716624248,0.1954945577097327,0.0,0.0,0.3029289688822861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589323342131584,0.049871906334526366,0.0,0.0,0.1213632385274902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835788458493956,0.0,0.0,0.07180034192377407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833816252773724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648408616734991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603636701526976,0.10284484319820612,0.0,0.0,0.05152784727711996,0.11773309507676788,0.0674573604138673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268365075989867,0.0,0.06591553997231317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676569340287104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414611270516071,0.07337853300897651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295906404561437,0.0,0.0,0.0513350080144697,0.03770537497442205,0.0,0.06129273503491463,0.247152150438487,0.0,0.08780353803169891,0.0,0.06316612000731008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441931243653775,0.051326288559210564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798290772057935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707525892818332,0.0,0.0658968760600232,0.09186913793775674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiserableAbomination,2019/01/05,"Not looking for sympathy, just wanted some record of my existence. I am here, I have existed. If anyone were to ask whether I ever was, they could present this evidence as the whole of my being. I have touched many others and my caustic presence has scarred them. They carry a burden now of my doing, and they will sing lullabies to each other of my death. But they alone do not prove my existence. This preservation of my once-thoughts will ebb throughout the ethereal network of plastic humming and wired until this debris loses its grip and dissolves back into the void.

I am.

I was.

I will be no longer.

",4.101578947368424,6.3610879298245635,4.485824561403508,83.20610526315792,73.21052631578947,7.3670175438596495,29.82105263157895,8.238735603445708,2.3400273684210533,480,21,85,8,10,151,79,114,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.9247,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,16,0,0,0,2,17,19,9,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,19,0,12,10,3,6,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,2,5,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326832285400643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224601916080453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002938934845899,0.0,0.0,0.2469955187144088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25646508989650785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29055854687417243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26974080418114604,0.3593588925035057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32566292648840844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550098738780035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894617049988253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35862654437142616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emsaic,2019/01/05,Everything would be a lot easier if I did it I wouldn't need to worry about everything,1.3866666666666667,3.777807666666668,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,83.44444444444446,10.266666666666667,20.11111111111111,10.125756701596842,2.7525777777777787,70,2,14,3,2,25,15,18,0.0,0.6970000000000001,0.303,0.6377,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7314138306975486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34594264367702604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017206263172138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132396197344173,0.0,0.2890591217840917,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XIL6,2019/01/05,"i just want to end it all (18/M) im fucking sad and i really wanna end it once and for all. my life is a fucking joke. i never had much friends bc im fucking akward when im with people and i only had nerd friends. my best friends dont want to meet me and my familiy doesnt understands me. i just work all day and on weekends i sit at home and i do nothing. sry for my bad english, im german. ",-2.0323333333333338,-0.21160301111110869,1.2327777777777804,99.5825,95.77777777777777,3.888888888888889,19.722222222222214,5.46131890053228,-0.3671111111111109,299,11,76,2,12,106,52,90,0.184,0.7140000000000001,0.102,-0.8157,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,11,3,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,4,17,12,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,13,5,8,10,5,9,0,1,0,3,4,2,3,0,6,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098516156282628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206325096421566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934482918480108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982131945199852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566761761238737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33584734787233905,0.4018721954737195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534617088412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.626065980091864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023469132952692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651792064227728,0.0,0.11175554865660263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903512935163606,0.0,0.0,0.15431340624092385,0.0,0.11020271896928588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045517795299487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282643097230553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084565363467192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093114444680269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548867641798196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsmealvise,2019/01/05,"im extremely close to doing it. (16/M) there is no going back, this is my last day on earth. 


I have far too many reasons to go and none to stay, im done with this unbearable suffering and meaningless stress


goodbye",0.11325757575757933,2.4812741136363634,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,91.95454545454544,6.56969696969697,20.96969696969697,7.793537801064563,1.2034060606060613,167,6,36,4,6,56,35,44,0.234,0.7659999999999999,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115539434684241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743269750695614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28154813141421464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31271946123750605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943638640592249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426338440578786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789333049388285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828740558107765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932463675000029,0.0,0.0,0.315154461379525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NomuttonforDorcaa,2019/01/05,"I'm just tired No need to offer sympathy or advice, just want to vent here. 

​

I'm sick of almost every aspect of this shit life. all the expectations I have looming over me. All the shouting I get, all the judgement. I didn't ask to be born and I'm being punished for it. I don't feel any love, only hate, and I hate the rest of the world as well.",-0.10304093567251373,2.0485822631578934,2.1428070175438627,94.74020467836256,88.21052631578951,4.430409356725146,17.654970760233926,5.82211442006289,-0.4269046783625727,276,7,62,2,9,93,53,76,0.318,0.615,0.067,-0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,5,0,5,5,1,0,3,13,16,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,2,6,2,9,13,4,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,1,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700046299208626,0.0,0.0,0.2326144757638185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516965000388408,0.282269418581356,0.15797168164932002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716875102767055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572241683038127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745764847860528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136694378120012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586954881799321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408006467852915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965944233253286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224719659266025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667429992796874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23845218268412066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669941968553183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701631213582868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088652222725985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282269418581356,0.0
suicidewatch,not-the-usual-stoner,2019/01/05,"I have made plans. I don't know if it's good to share this but I'm doing it anyway. 

I've ordered a box of caffeine pills (18g) inorder to OD on it. It hasn't reached me yet, but when it does I'm gonna have to wait till the end of Jan 11 since it's my best mate's birthday and I don't wish to ruin it for him. 

I've an appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday and I'm not sure if I should mention about my plans to him because 

1. I've made up my mind.
2. I've completely lost my will to live and don't see any point in it.
3. The last time I confessed about my habit of self harm, they put me in a psychiatric ward.

Even though I say I've made my mind, I'm still confused as to what to do. This is literally tearing me up on the inside with all these thoughts racing my mind. 
",0.32681647940074754,1.4595426179775333,2.6278876404494405,97.35774906367041,80.68539325842696,5.870262172284645,20.855430711610488,6.42735559955562,-0.08409558052434463,598,16,158,5,15,205,103,178,0.104,0.818,0.078,-0.5276,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,4,8,8,0,1,7,0,11,1,0,3,2,25,25,11,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,12,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,2,19,4,25,17,2,18,1,2,1,0,9,8,0,3,8,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393475562990454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021324518482582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582568749710048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566529376311574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661771280719804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483930694791184,0.0,0.0,0.11066034830035924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052683610875613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207706556735858,0.1365696313756279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794324031296224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289260743664693,0.0,0.0,0.4755987541709816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075109835614824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838197042443558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684266511805153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332366497113864,0.0,0.0,0.1335098100118101,0.0,0.17478353645005998,0.0,0.0,0.1385930215722337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337997865167397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790697640851356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460981502492944,0.1330101591496114,0.09769547371513078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266579313408844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MemeInhaler6969,2019/01/05,It's been long enough Decided on it any suggestions ?,3.823,6.5238273000000016,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,76.0,12.0,30.0,11.20814326018867,4.645,43,2,8,2,1,14,9,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471145917670297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6793611739297123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5818564575441656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SCHMILIIIII,2019/01/05,"2019 will be the same as 2018 Funny start in 2019..

2 days ago my family felt apart, when my grandparents and my parents had a argument about silly things. I just got my parents left cause my uncle hate my dad for cheating on my mom and my aunt decided to break off contact with my parents. Funny thing i hate my dad too.

Than 1 week ago my older brother talked with me about my 2nd brother. He has been fully disabled (he cant move, speak, eat) since his birth. He is now in a state of his life where he can die everyday or maybe life another year. That kills me..

Yesterday i decided to go out with some friends.. bad idea, my friend said lets go in the cellar (dance floor), than a friend of him came to us with other friends, i really wanted to dance with one of the friends, but didnt had the balls to do it, so i decided to go to my other best friend and smoke with him the whole night. At the end of the day i went home really early, went to bed and slept about 4 hours because i couldnt stop thinking of what could have been happen. 

2018 was well towards the end and 2019 starts with the same shit 2018 was full of. I hate my body and my life. Really wish that 2019 will be better than 2018",3.0888439046333787,4.086527927125509,3.854784075573552,91.86645861448496,73.37246963562755,7.43220872694557,22.62910481331533,7.793537801064563,0.7212583895636526,926,22,211,12,18,295,140,247,0.095,0.774,0.131,0.8137,4,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,10,17,6,0,12,0,20,7,3,1,0,33,39,11,2,4,3,9,1,0,6,2,3,2,2,0,8,15,1,1,6,3,0,9,3,7,1,1,14,3,31,10,37,18,6,44,0,0,0,0,28,13,1,2,20,130,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432982219134366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103109115149947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210266630065739,0.05994194862796439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319280636762132,0.08696619032421707,0.0,0.10922409081693787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246500061592396,0.0,0.1010135016142006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850967381746186,0.0,0.0,0.12683132084721815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020525365485851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061763758109478,0.0,0.0,0.17418498403776375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269815430248254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441362721663232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558238774761579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765211350839818,0.0,0.07864465563041886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695419010826252,0.0,0.0,0.2912458933679931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986344772534803,0.0,0.09683668605332704,0.0,0.0,0.11100425548910436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878919744605882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683742487070874,0.10055058553175514,0.20836326605606684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878717364120668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151646238380544,0.0,0.10451078603836664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227741912142877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663194579313221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275563667458278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889809639682768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935357412740724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093583617161754,0.0813408043079196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919903463829988,0.0,0.0,0.08220950806566801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903510715853314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065411259946005,0.06300683257754675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828064564178407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057998445973135526,0.0,0.07887557028104336,0.0,0.08841179652854317,0.18230850713255045,0.0,0.109783569499638,0.11307633240380785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332223979364601
suicidewatch,TheCure1818,2019/01/05,"When should you go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts? I keep imagining that I am hanging. I keep thinking about what I can use to wrap around my neck to end it all. I have my pills to take, but I am worried that it will not work. ",1.9970408163265283,3.383360489795919,3.15484693877551,94.26247448979592,76.75510204081633,7.348979591836735,26.535714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.3411591836734695,180,7,43,3,4,58,36,49,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.6757,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,1,1,11,13,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,0,7,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,32,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27914648635697004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777326394455768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821078455006967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5574362503513061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34299801007348096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357679009369292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009249420842588,0.0,0.2489419667870413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708264261590461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282849072759075,0.3184486426466417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bottledwater20,2019/01/05,"tonight i'm done. i lost most of my friends to my abusive ex boyfriend and also recently broke up with my recent boyfriend because of issues i was having with MYSELF. i'm a terrible fuckng person. today is the day. i've been planning this since october (and attempting since i was 14 lmao). the date just kept getting pushed back. i'm no stranger to attempts so it'll be a little less difficult i guess. i'm sorry. i just don't know what to do anymore. i promised my boyfriend i would stay. but now i don't even know where he is and it's so fucking hard to control. i feel terrible. i know there are people who love me and who i can depend on, but i just don't love myself. to everyone i'm going to hurt, i'm so so sorry. this is no one's fault.

​",0.08160377358490932,2.36980098113208,2.1306257861635243,93.94688207547172,89.50314465408806,4.941006289308176,22.415408805031447,6.508806274219699,0.5498374842767304,592,23,128,7,20,197,93,159,0.194,0.71,0.096,-0.8717,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,5,14,12,1,0,4,0,17,3,0,2,0,21,35,11,0,1,5,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,4,0,0,2,5,8,0,1,6,2,19,4,12,26,2,15,0,3,0,3,8,4,1,3,8,82,26,0,0.0,0.18109683228212006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223042921115936,0.0,0.1656079515011406,0.1857239181929931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158158840351538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752869537477208,0.0,0.09317315094138807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714291381271882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857265297411792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641393409079346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095296009083117,0.0,0.0,0.14605035131645575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728323814467479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808799433146135,0.14130313025163865,0.07985542483291186,0.0,0.08686557597313567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837646491092992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691947672602442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362418609003807,0.0,0.0,0.1595309106801314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519995409811724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319126735273655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684883414016813,0.0,0.275897922714096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357201400699156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596377097956132,0.13345872746912238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018328307659519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528706260289982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421958738658084,0.0,0.1629128837336489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487958885429505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857700284739183,0.0,0.1857239181929931,0.0
suicidewatch,Efel565,2019/01/05,"Decimation through suicide? For a long time I’ve had wanted to end the misery that is my life. However, the impulse to survive and thrive has continued to thwart my efforts. I’ve lived a hard life, that being said there’s always someone on this planet who’s problems are harder then my own. Yet I cannot seem to let go of the pain/hatred/bitterness and vindication I so yearn crave. As much as I’d love to swallow the cyanide in my possession that would bear the sweet release. I yearn for revenge. I yearn for the decimation of those that have brought me to this point. I admit my faults and mistakes I’m no god. Yet how can I end it when my enemies do not suffer like I do. If I should go whether through my hands or that of another I intend to bring hardship/pain/suffering and misery to those that have wronged me. If I cannot succeed I swear onto everything that is holy in this world that they shall suffer the same fate in the fiery hell that I have doomed myself too, to observe the suffering of those that have wronged me while I intern suffer would aid in my bliss through an eternity in hell. ",5.202915584415585,5.7555933045454575,5.4494805194805185,83.98136363636365,68.22727272727272,8.64935064935065,31.168831168831172,8.634040054169528,2.254564935064935,877,34,178,13,14,278,123,220,0.24,0.662,0.098,-0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,3,7,19,2,0,12,0,20,5,1,2,0,23,30,15,1,11,5,0,2,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,18,4,1,0,2,0,0,4,4,15,0,0,3,4,26,4,28,21,3,24,3,8,0,1,5,9,2,4,12,126,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824591758874853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681947667695648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31559913510649273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012144797483452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250831729006288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595990847087584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218377435676888,0.2516836412680362,0.08704145961223088,0.0,0.1573212241363911,0.15766867964481773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607990951730247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309703305374978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791560616571118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684216555997846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047796319597355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947384535306415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219293586577332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095696152248364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948814434243888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388829854568468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508517417709097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531238168480421,0.3895866208714572,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idcpal,2019/01/05,question is it selfish if i kill my self? should i really stay alive just to make somebody else happy because in every other situation they say to make yourself happy first,7.17625,8.074339125000002,7.6125000000000025,68.9825,64.0,8.9,34.75,8.841846274778883,3.2955124999999987,140,6,21,2,2,46,28,32,0.181,0.58,0.239,0.3566,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,2,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532259372145254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099779494172849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211780555052108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380559119245326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351520437678207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780911718594308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355677828850872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815792824930801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102682669119756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989053580817148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622219548985236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825377227108958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791494161351664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throaway3005,2019/01/05,"Ramblings I've not got much of a story or anything of the sorts, I've been struggling pretty hard the past 3-4 years of my life with my mental health among other things. I'm a young person which meant I never really got the help I needed from any doctors because they'd all draw it back to me just being a teenager and that was that. The only reason I'm typing this here is because I've got no-one else to talk to. I've got a close friend who I usually would talk to aabout these things but he's going through tough times himself so I don't want to burden him, and I imagine he's probably sick of hearing whatever I do by now. My closest (in terms of friendship) online friends are across the globe so I don't want to worry them with the things I'd say and in reality what I'd say would just be the same things I usually say, just the more blunt and real parts of it all, such as wanting to kill myself. This line of thought isn't really new, I've had multiple times the past year where I've felt like that's the path I wanted to take but as a result of it being more than once I always chalked it down to just me being really low or too much of a whimp to actually do anything, but there's always that little bit at the back of my mind that tells me that it's probably a bit more serious than I think. The only thing keeping me here is the thought of hurting my parents if I were to ever do anything, because I know they'd blame themselves. Same goes for my sisters. But if I had the choice or I was all alone then it'd be a completely different story. This probably just comes across as the rambling of an emotional person which can't really be deciphered into much, I just wanted to put words to paper and maybe find a hint of hope I guess, or find someone to talk to. The world just feels like such a dark place that I don't really want to be in that much longer.

I just feel trapped.",6.688432954244906,4.814018917085432,7.166408357577362,80.99251653001855,65.85929648241206,10.28849510711452,31.751388521555143,8.841846274778883,2.2821989949748738,1491,43,325,19,19,492,190,398,0.102,0.823,0.07400000000000001,-0.8759,2,2,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,3,0,21,12,1,1,27,0,29,4,0,2,5,65,57,21,1,12,19,2,4,2,2,2,4,4,0,2,28,10,0,1,12,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,14,8,35,5,49,31,16,36,0,2,0,0,23,16,0,9,19,217,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.07627377770172646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095113532054497,0.0,0.0,0.13007228440383772,0.0,0.0,0.0531521021100065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295931866883087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202018373259258,0.0,0.14293850404219693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066295026296802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732870699892568,0.08195023177660403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816615199468516,0.0,0.08000100794933215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529341467285553,0.08792050863778099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070102195945069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904101368491004,0.05583817293403301,0.07504673518542218,0.0,0.14287531969202516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077385730788975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442064892769576,0.0,0.2500496938350882,0.0,0.08610305925799655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001682702122987,0.0,0.0,0.0830813971413023,0.08809303120049361,0.0,0.0523896134260538,0.0,0.0,0.07763142404230683,0.0,0.0,0.08367287553165315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947301208213218,0.08647347138815073,0.0,0.042955194523113985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055207365402172345,0.0763709495260093,0.07833776993511428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852314415330433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876781816981437,0.0,0.07892024246997939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298290618618829,0.05795532772626436,0.06028251572771659,0.07548829827280648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832388230431404,0.0,0.11888979508151905,0.0,0.0,0.08678844582844528,0.08464065367486817,0.14922687395864914,0.0,0.1364941914637468,0.0816615199468516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951774939955662,0.2528120565762762,0.0,0.0,0.07857330725904939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896423229958487,0.25035941625727953,0.08036243778496817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647008907252208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622548921165687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171075838634928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876728045600758,0.1884683471698992,0.06831608435224415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25963319274451857,0.05008235801035293,0.0,0.1241020709036875,0.09115251559339196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721664096555088,0.0,0.2766079946992109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937620269290369,0.0,0.11104654222512747,0.0,0.0,0.10066613265980738
suicidewatch,baltaccount,2019/01/05,I don't know how much more I can take Everything in my life is so difficult. I'm so stressed out all I can think about most of the time is cutting. Just when everything starts to change and I feel better something fucks up again every fucking time. I've been suicidal for most of my life and I just think it's getting worse and nothing helps. I've tried everything I can do. ,2.2983116883116885,4.265230259740259,3.105194805194806,92.39207792207796,77.57142857142857,6.997402597402598,25.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.3131610389610393,298,11,65,5,7,94,52,77,0.25,0.7140000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.947,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,3,1,1,0,8,4,0,1,1,14,18,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,8,1,8,17,5,8,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,2,5,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114255456170566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470634857924566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303926826646722,0.0,0.521738922303124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784371851921213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577910044696427,0.10110021134151853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970467736720748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634721813189386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733615711018491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225102252605465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567663730249911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897230737870448,0.0,0.0,0.13696632157685856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216633479943559,0.0,0.0,0.21166690566254415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454943194427921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479848833658823,0.0,0.0,0.22567274032166498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137957818343346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720170677510285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goro_Asketchy,2019/01/05,"Crying over the fact that I’m still alive I feel like such a stupid idiotic baby, but I’ve been non-stop crying over the fact that I’m alive and that my life is like this. I just wanna die it’s all I want more than anything ",1.3992000000000004,2.5292891200000014,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,77.8,5.8000000000000025,16.5,5.985473137389443,-0.7568000000000001,176,2,44,1,4,58,36,50,0.273,0.528,0.198,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,9,6,2,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,4,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25413880368066466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6784652415476949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205142946120839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615251544859576,0.22062650148849425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813406931254486,0.3017551349537115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466301229067092,0.2581937047251113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821545218606752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wildhcnt,2019/01/05,"9/1/19 This seems like a pretty good date to do it. I'll have enough time to say goodbye to my friends and the few people that I care about. I have enough pills to overdose on even though most of them are over-the-counter types. I think I'll mix them with my dads alcohol to be sure. I live in the U.K. so I don't have access to a gun or anything so this is the easiest way out. I'll call 999 when I'm on the brink of death so my parents don't need to see the body. 

I often see those 'mum would be sad' memes around depression subreddits but honestly mum would be glad. Mum would be overjoyed. Mum would be ecstatic. She'd be glad that she doesn't have to deal with her fucking retarded, socially inept, complete idiot of a daughter. I feel bad that she's had to waste 15 years of her life raising a complete waste of space. I'm just rambling at this point though. Hopefully the afterlife is exactly how I picture it and hopefully everyone is happy after I'm gone. ",1.7947818037556191,3.8299921809045263,3.0223750330600367,92.04843163184343,79.45226130653266,6.8025390108436925,24.041523406506208,7.85451343220497,1.1722804020100508,760,27,166,13,19,245,118,199,0.135,0.659,0.207,0.9383,1,0,1,1,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,12,16,2,0,10,0,24,5,1,1,2,24,38,11,1,7,3,7,1,1,1,4,3,1,0,0,9,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,4,18,11,24,25,4,16,0,2,2,1,19,9,1,6,6,102,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920162246195295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488789721673485,0.1242833241762896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165692924091272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507626675528266,0.0,0.0,0.1425583658022218,0.0,0.1423426445550006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927588012910698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393273533859702,0.12024668676501254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885108156816041,0.0,0.09221170051539164,0.0,0.0,0.1334042235477146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705914794795966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078630558030062,0.12906805225847834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709902168809708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861842773960998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773303034346377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861132645504167,0.06820684686299552,0.0,0.12327900624338807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103519733292665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502141248308432,0.0,0.0,0.09678863805734304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197745215996448,0.0,0.0,0.14203450369144627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102421264311726,0.0,0.0,0.22250366650320585,0.1270965444299828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231575835587726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158164637572892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945704471532076,0.2743340536715721,0.0,0.08140825419668149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081665541941699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967023873461177,0.0,0.0,0.0899048595995145
suicidewatch,MangoOcean,2019/01/05,"Paracetemol overdose One of my friends overdosed on paracetemol 4.5g within an hour. The previous night he took 4 paracetemol at once. It has been a few days but nothing happened. So we assume everything is going to be ok? 

Thanks and looking forward to your replies.",4.466875000000002,7.454020270833336,3.8873333333333338,84.29100000000003,75.45833333333334,5.506666666666668,36.68333333333333,6.742157984588678,2.7328283333333334,215,13,34,2,5,64,45,48,0.0,0.828,0.172,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,3,6,6,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,4,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031577123464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831139125607229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24337872685902304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902948905098806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27856548718924873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102249425203275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26453208680186563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956189251158897,0.0,0.3022640463113903,0.0,0.0,0.3354792043420078,0.21346136878650265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900222005692146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499917017823489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BabiiGhoul,2019/01/05,Scared of impulsive actions I keep having very graphic thoughts of killing family members and myself but no intention to do so. But I am very scared I might impulsively try to. Im debating if I should try to talk to my mom about this or wait until Wednesday when I see my new therapist. Also is it weird to tell my new therapist that and what will she do if I tell her ,2.2647428571428563,4.3299364266666664,4.0072380952380975,85.41600000000003,78.06666666666666,8.019047619047619,26.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.1816285714285715,292,12,60,7,7,98,52,75,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.9151,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,12,11,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,12,0,9,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,5,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631415597355552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247971356841116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976296954961924,0.0,0.0,0.1626244883247298,0.20241966796453287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409311964175885,0.0,0.21428216648181392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534104974923659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36635253475096813,0.0,0.145796538237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470574333127515,0.3198326351245146,0.0,0.0,0.4248645466988892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525090517805658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484375452584982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019246129232939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PottedGreenPlant,2019/01/05,"I just want the pain to go away. Ended a long term relationship yesterday, and I’m in unbearable pain. There’s no way out of it - I work with my ex, and seeing him every day, knowing what I know now....I just can’t go on like this. I don’t want to hurt so much anymore. I know I am not special with my grief, but that doesn’t make it better. I just don’t know how to deal with my life. ",-0.7148966408268755,0.998627639534888,1.8575968992248053,98.7640180878553,86.55813953488372,5.217571059431527,16.532299741602067,6.42735559955562,-0.5871948320413436,291,6,76,3,9,100,59,86,0.147,0.7559999999999999,0.098,-0.4458,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,2,0,19,16,5,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,11,3,11,16,2,12,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,0,6,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013192925703786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072313632182905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953507737310484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309168017866913,0.2092818411772828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979581760375613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103442050422826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073668098895034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731336726305545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462491771171967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338336524277148,0.09917448215518518,0.0,0.0,0.17964668475836712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550262268298907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922675661248452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320079906559803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794369132602293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176298214906462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23946675015858745,0.16113022256351825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778483232004988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SHOWmeYOURboobs2431,2019/01/05,"This feeling I had makes me scared I've been having some rough times the last couple of months and I've thought about suicide a lot. Last week, I woke up in the middle of the night and experienced something scary. I felt such an urge to kill myself but my body didn't move one bit. I think that if I wouldn't have been stopped because I couldn't move, I would have tried it. Anyone experienced something similar?",4.300772357723574,5.625382573170731,4.130243902439022,89.79260162601628,70.82926829268294,6.930081300813008,25.861788617886177,7.1686216300943375,0.9481154471544716,329,10,69,3,6,100,60,82,0.127,0.83,0.043,-0.7507,0,0,2,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,5,0,10,1,1,1,0,15,16,4,2,4,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,7,5,10,0,6,6,3,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,7,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848850448768754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073584050879642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162307652698063,0.22000056238478585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191501725212532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014533822633624,0.0,0.1901691369467144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191245945881652,0.0,0.0,0.3228914793235552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838395165583755,0.0,0.0,0.1322069195686525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808999892607087,0.42101392708779856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586635924629488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342109184671593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829310921436344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049532935702701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558744387386426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664603696286605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690916900719815,0.0,0.1572379108747597,0.11549066843539706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344700762842519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588721836955706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406964942824819,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12837812,2019/01/05,I want to kill myself like seriously So this January has already been the worst I try sleeping at 1 am and every time I try to do that I end not sleeping at all I am crying literally I just want to dream WHY THE FUCK CANT I DREAM THATS LIKE MY ONLY ESCAPE. Every single time I try to sleep I just end up just not sleeping I cant even dream BUT WHY!!! WHY DOES IT DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING HATE MYSELF NOW I JUST WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE BUT EVERYONE IS SLEEPING I JUST WANT TO GIVE UP I FEEL LIKE ITS THE ONLY ANWSER!!!,-2.105170454545455,-0.6656219553571391,1.1454545454545446,95.91772727272728,112.30357142857143,3.8220779220779217,14.912337662337663,5.852544927426893,-0.5429964285714282,399,11,91,5,22,140,60,112,0.227,0.6579999999999999,0.115,-0.9542,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,4,0,3,0,9,7,5,0,1,16,18,4,1,4,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,18,3,12,17,3,9,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,8,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473110572216568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411187879233202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684317329456926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162738203250996,0.0,0.0,0.0806403438160319,0.0,0.20573486092463045,0.1166637465014848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173317641796287,0.08722225639298625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257434154584751,0.0,0.11712137837109975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054016856592015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507625511886676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789433515778614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571231192253967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6108988161446985,0.0,0.10344780812571036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981325954094512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423851760935164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486765262132665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28805113260071685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305060099151776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hanging_on_a_thread,2019/01/05,I'm going to kill myself next weekend just so I got time to say goodbye Life is probably at one of its lowest point for me its ever been at and its really my last option so I guess this is goodbye. I don't even know why i just didnt do it sooner,0.3185714285714241,1.7169637142857148,3.3172857142857133,91.2277142857143,81.5,5.908571428571428,18.34285714285714,6.742157984588678,-0.012538571428571732,192,4,45,2,5,69,43,56,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.8074,1,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,11,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,7,0,6,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909583521792957,0.26152192065122226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164311251834625,0.0,0.231232429099496,0.0,0.31849380400769833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198639524019604,0.0,0.15889056002718802,0.23566807954045704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421113915935432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30747808298685697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959124438636676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733080145841361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117158836239209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521507491157427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22991660038624498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685858300877633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608821674617288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grykrm,2019/01/05,"Is there anyone who listens to my stupid life story. I'm 29 and going to be a single mother. I have depression and anxiety. I have tried to kill myself many times. Since I was 11, I have been thinking about ending my life. The reason why I started to think about it is my parents. They never understand me. Even now they don't. 
I'm married and having a son. But currently I am separated. Staying in my parents house temporarily. That's so stressful and lonely.
I don't have friends. No one talks to me friendly and shares things with me. I'm so alone.
I don't want to mention about my terrible marriage. I don't want to be judged here. But I want someone who listen to everything of my feelings like what makes me feel want to be dead.
These days I just think about ending my life. Even though I have a son. I know in selfish. But im really broken and hurt. I can see that I will never be happy. I don't want to live anymore. Maybe until next week, I might be gone. But hopefully I would like to talk/share to someone about how life is terrible... ",0.6879848320693398,3.085624568075122,2.5627464788732404,91.2803710725894,87.3568075117371,5.342650776453593,20.86836403033586,6.8449194561589275,0.5436270855904661,815,27,169,11,26,270,117,213,0.239,0.6940000000000001,0.067,-0.9888,3,3,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,2,0,15,16,2,1,4,0,26,4,0,3,2,32,49,15,2,7,5,5,2,2,2,3,4,2,0,0,8,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,9,0,1,3,5,32,7,22,38,1,17,0,3,1,0,17,2,0,2,14,117,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157236783224025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979692081836828,0.0,0.1164114182110728,0.08207623473351754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570168943604284,0.0,0.10110095822958856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079312503877955,0.0,0.0,0.1550594287941496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549538698855178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870374827338898,0.08385773556030222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813781084973476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671090466366891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495533855674852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658682736987715,0.0,0.13544308625235885,0.12565987569458725,0.0,0.12679271994738694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986580891920946,0.0,0.06451008609318526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33164155670678525,0.11469384747612148,0.0,0.1036504705127928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835340705030662,0.11900694021190993,0.11792601211272635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452376906549625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106449395386767,0.0,0.12483710550114265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954109179430771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606776747000458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519792507658687,0.12068826221650453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935382691126931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709961648374844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989148021810698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308359496373308,0.1251136106966,0.0,0.0,0.1344607025365256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886944359387982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798339550102568,0.22564096819017584,0.11532723456823478,0.0,0.06844639738944712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969468358813499,0.0,0.0,0.12219881817424465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461747709873917,0.0,0.09415677272176386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591901167856148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338481618839827,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sleepymelody,2019/01/05,"they won't stop... they keep yelling at me, even if I tell them to stop several times. 

they'll follow me up to my room and won't stop banging on the door which I've locked because I'm so scared. 

I'm scared, I hate myself for making everyone mad every single day. I can't take it anymore...



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suicidewatch,_YeeYeeBubba_,2019/01/05,I’m so fucking BORED all the time It’s making me contemplate suicide,0.07976190476190226,1.7984579285714304,2.2442857142857164,87.28404761904763,112.57142857142858,4.723809523809524,26.095238095238088,6.42735559955562,1.7309809523809532,57,3,10,1,3,19,14,14,0.441,0.5589999999999999,0.0,-0.8362,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5488960662839057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963210088955871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6494469141440632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34621015588048776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VeryButtery,2019/01/05,"I don’t understand what’s so bad about suicide I think about killing myself every single day. I never tell anybody, in fact I actively hide it, But there is one thing I don’t get. why is there such stigma for suicide? This is how I see it: suicide is an end to anything bad permanently. Nothing bad, or good, will ever happen afterwards to you. Anything you previously cared about will be impossible to think about because you are gone. I don’t see very much of a downside to this, the only thing stopping me from committing is not having a painless way to go out. What am I missing here? I don’t understand why it’s such s bad thing.",2.9877489177489167,4.9489215555555575,4.423304473304476,83.75149350649353,75.50793650793649,7.121500721500722,28.121212121212125,8.00094639256281,1.9130571428571428,500,21,97,8,11,166,78,126,0.335,0.621,0.044,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,3,0,0,12,8,1,0,4,0,15,0,0,1,4,14,27,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,1,2,14,2,14,23,2,11,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,6,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461371153147813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558019086939705,0.08319356674547894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391448119308406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801473924220858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087586762941373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344896629715832,0.11498562229353368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130227483671334,0.0,0.07756158313408942,0.11446830569302703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068391809331253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098877440720154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032443423578603,0.0,0.10525752027526453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095092926143706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247862901700814,0.10379497989797187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750495732533728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409876310199628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478427398258901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928469718006235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27200270976952123,0.17489465229083126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841494607963511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260572583451843,0.0,0.10832707742184383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629395362588746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnusualSoup,2019/01/05,"Once again, I am having suicidal thoughts. This life is lonely. These disabilities making me sad. I am isolated and ... I keep trying, and trying to make friends who have time to actually talk... not type, but talk... but sadly... it just never works out.

Recently I was banned from one of the only social platforms I had where people would communicate with me vocally... (due to my account hacked and credit being used and charged back) and so... I lost that small little interaction that kept me going.

I know I am so different from others, and don't really fit anywhere....

I am starting to wonder if I want to live this life. If this is how it will be forever. Do I want this? 

​

Thanks for reading, sorry if you 

​",2.4660833333333336,5.257266251851857,3.8709953703703697,82.3376041666667,82.77777777777777,6.6342592592592595,23.252314814814817,7.8658589789855275,1.611675925925926,564,20,100,11,16,185,94,135,0.173,0.7440000000000001,0.083,-0.903,1,2,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,0,2,7,7,0,0,1,0,16,2,0,4,1,29,30,14,1,6,7,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,3,1,2,1,3,4,0,1,5,0,16,3,11,21,0,14,0,4,0,0,7,6,0,4,7,76,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.1406688606241547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31237127410747484,0.3503141994832181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084186473423646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060527108912666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136934220776468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192333277735507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281264642737167,0.0,0.0,0.07922065031425084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363373686705907,0.0,0.14447540390228047,0.1272864163836382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735591930002255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924414688238408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117677737343323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535142318892795,0.09767925297058684,0.10963198964234576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993493020741298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441882448975293,0.0,0.09234569177669777,0.0,0.14232998032279998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694199302901176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136326810528645,0.10202957122030654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767586788960905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317233913493641,0.0,0.13271324950989385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443839181132255,0.0840545787681479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573573817032786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244986575371689,0.0,0.0,0.17004590842054434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563236975199916,0.10494236066593032,0.0,0.0,0.1023994814584042,0.0,0.3503141994832181,0.0
suicidewatch,DeathPeanut,2019/01/05,"İ guess i will give up on reddit İ cant find support i need here ... what is wrong ?
İ dont want money from you , i just wanted to  talk
İ wont complian because it wont change bad decisions i made in the past .  All of that anxiety killing me inside and i just need a break from everything , it is so much... No one care for me or listens me in real life , i feel so alone . Wish i could erase my treachery  past self , it is the main reason i got stuck there...",1.1319387755102035,2.3033878571428623,3.15484693877551,94.26247448979592,78.59183673469387,6.53265306122449,21.433673469387767,7.1686216300943375,0.3512612244897966,342,9,84,4,8,116,71,98,0.198,0.711,0.09,-0.8292,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,1,18,23,4,1,6,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,2,13,2,9,16,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881074544320565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894168956459765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164826440227652,0.11071616652537918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851775416242112,0.0,0.1921338698592051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501180424041374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128617098223804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323173641007707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183443704108434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660008385429782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423007323265008,0.0,0.0,0.14526112327697024,0.0,0.20007906290257588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093979552378188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828624244220316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185680591933974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351437138638328,0.2693434533362584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307296935123001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467608858364046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672761669260786,0.0,0.18673948850533686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947320638351586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610450577415892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598230931439948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425281458331355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885837606317856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857708449206915,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gumbaii11,2019/01/05,I want to die but i dont want to hurt anyone I want to die but i would feel bad if anyone notices and feels bad my school would most likely report it and i dont want that how can i die without anyone hearing about it afterwards,0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,2.4699999999999998,95.165,83.0,4.800000000000002,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.4597999999999995,180,4,41,1,5,60,29,50,0.355,0.501,0.14400000000000002,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,16,12,6,3,7,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,5,10,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453718899672483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749442341450983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126281112692205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859266046769999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649942589140598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556744702675929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625641536228198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043747579928677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874499954942476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666300382093651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884487320130291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158712388712461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339188816759738,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hey-patrick,2019/01/05,"I can’t do it anymore hey guys. I’m a new subscriber to this sub so idk how this works but things have been just going so bad for me lately. I know everything I’m going to say might sound dumb or insignificant to some of you but I really just need to get it off my chest. I’m a senior in high school right now and I’m applying to colleges, and things aren’t going well. My mom and I immigrated to America and left EVERYTHING we had back home, so there’s a lot riding on my future here. I’m not confident about getting into ANY good schools and I’m so so scared that I’m gonna disappoint her. God she’s the best person I’ve ever known and I don’t want to hurt her. My grandmother committed suicide before i was born and there’s a history with mental illnesses in our family, and I don’t want to seem like a burden to her. God I’m just so sad right now I hate myself I wish I never existed",0.06366933584550337,2.1829026891191745,2.8106382477626006,90.53689943476212,86.87564766839378,6.61789919924635,18.6172868582195,7.84624498591911,0.6955305699481862,701,19,158,15,22,245,117,193,0.255,0.612,0.133,-0.9877,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,2,1,0,2,19,12,2,1,6,0,10,2,1,1,3,32,31,18,1,4,7,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,2,7,11,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,8,1,0,3,2,23,4,18,26,3,23,0,3,0,0,12,9,1,5,11,98,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983784304624643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559900039809878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289009928505685,0.12258268408055267,0.0,0.0,0.12492701043828094,0.0,0.1540711374223237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328007219542873,0.0,0.0,0.26389203272643785,0.0,0.1384021868680842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340741780705391,0.0,0.25031155493024937,0.12313974019293154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536790620764428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494739714358978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511594632920456,0.14726536310449914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716630355029015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068455994353363,0.0,0.16561140666087965,0.0,0.15951270392300293,0.0,0.0,0.0717253934406019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481512327928435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795292670189075,0.15574534337229992,0.0,0.17194555715765927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885994501691117,0.11323120073784633,0.14179286567425972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819140845904914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405213759452982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507549208249232,0.0,0.11675155353913542,0.14698537852710702,0.2971650945241424,0.0,0.13365299927282248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605895428013081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507200594381102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318816794214026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200247703485038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882765148313525,0.0,0.0,0.10688157893400968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TopTaterr,2019/01/05,"My life 18, Dad died Christmas 2012, abusive step dad at the time (not towards me) missed over 350 days of school over the next 4 years, moved states so I could drop out earlier, spent every dime I’ve ever had on weed (over 7,000) I’ll be gone by the time I’m 20, thinking maybe earlier so my little twin brothers won’t have memories of me or be sad just know they had an older brother they can’t remember, moms dad killed himself she would probably kill herself id I did, mom knows just doesn’t like to think about it, P.S.  WEED IS ADDICTIVE IF YOU HAVE DEPRESSION LEART THAT THE HARD WAY ",2.8212500000000027,4.518011958333336,3.4466666666666685,91.725,75.25,7.133333333333333,24.5,7.908726449838941,1.1291499999999992,465,15,101,7,10,146,94,120,0.234,0.748,0.019,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,0,6,6,2,0,5,0,13,2,0,0,1,14,21,4,3,3,5,7,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,2,3,4,5,0,0,5,1,12,1,12,11,0,21,0,3,0,0,13,8,0,2,8,52,14,1,0.0,0.20809087204863888,0.0,0.19146082177604715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022494394514098,0.0,0.0,0.11326575434283423,0.0,0.15126843778476595,0.0,0.1822744958825946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886589463171702,0.14797445700335055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732850184798491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886134885537511,0.0,0.19304149269321128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405149532218095,0.08580313893681543,0.17602574275847488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644228045762314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113875943415939,0.0,0.18666513820916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18678273932722456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935706268719976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895268027254268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774526335461893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507110618977744,0.0,0.0,0.20482060281930692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940560689698248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247613385735187,0.0,0.0,0.11309889716507615
suicidewatch,Jhoward244,2019/01/05,Why am I selfish Why can I not chose to opt out of your perfect worlds ,-1.239374999999999,0.7127738125000036,0.8049999999999997,103.54,92.125,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.7774000000000001,55,2,14,0,2,18,14,16,0.165,0.638,0.197,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,caeilahaft,2019/01/05,Please I need help Im seriously considering ending it tonight as I said on my previous post i can’t stop thinking about it I have no other way I can’t do this anymore everyone I care about stops caring about me everything that made me once happy ends up going to shit and making me miserable and people I barely know try to hurt me and ruin my life for no reason I need to stop existing so this pain goes away once and for all ,4.032846441947567,4.732965786516856,5.707359550561801,80.56343632958803,70.91011235955057,9.079400749063671,26.069288389513112,9.2995712137729,2.0124367041198505,341,10,70,7,6,117,61,89,0.282,0.5770000000000001,0.141,-0.922,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,3,1,15,14,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,1,14,3,12,12,1,12,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,6,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978651327792112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137637612967988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285426220115651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28540679266309266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539558771329691,0.144803150007516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915675027212198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151391307030642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799450673857318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248096196001186,0.0,0.17403590593392335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854665535814356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380294308449268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245446378658029,0.10754802156360396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389350339263122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431724362208351,0.0,0.0,0.1714417174175897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169945952493797,0.0,0.0,0.17686001239190405,0.0,0.0,0.15430723209529515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565691673114966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153260833956905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538608896541354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041074864124811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323839394743352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938906005119016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788857003418774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tin-foil-hat-brigade,2019/01/05,"One of the biggest things that stops me is thinking about how pathetic my funeral would be. I picture my acquaintances attending out of polite obligation realising that they are as close to friends as I have, though I suspect it would be more confirming a long-held suspicion than any kind of genuine surprise. I don't even know who might speak for me, say a eulogy.

 I can imagine their pity and I find just the thought of humiliating to the point of being nausea inducing.

So I guess even my reasons for not committing are pathetic. Quite fitting probably. If I could simple erase myself from existence I would.",7.302410714285719,8.231835133928572,7.4017857142857135,70.49321428571429,63.73214285714285,11.757142857142858,38.32142857142857,11.491704259439757,4.8635035714285735,493,25,83,15,7,159,84,112,0.192,0.763,0.045,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,14,0,0,3,1,23,18,7,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,2,17,3,15,9,1,7,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,1,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561421224071236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096358403943848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828587177802361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570888355963495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654345679006525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358858567704353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298109997393992,0.117679011061206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949631987544746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271557036224387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509850455883286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241993524259347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230865930050572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277512188288173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015898915121887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028298065900302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790203863756176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422569619345935,0.137204415617307,0.21037942644828192,0.1699935145996738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563306283174102,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1magine_wagons,2019/01/05,I took some pills I want to overdose on sleeping pills because when I sleep I cant feel anything ,6.939,5.651250900000004,6.370000000000001,85.01500000000003,65.0,8.0,40.0,3.1291,2.4470000000000005,78,4,16,0,1,24,16,20,0.0,0.915,0.085,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134480636043375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232192970081028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259437317494785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7623497211426233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231936699294636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246645586076888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hereforthis97,2019/01/05,"Just wrote my note for April Wrote my note for April. No matter how many times I try to make it explain things, I just end up saying ""I love you I love you I love you"" to my mother, asking her for forgiveness and to know that the pain I will cause her I know I can never pay for

​

Does anyone else have this tendency? To sit down to write your note (if you plan on leaving one) but there is no way to put anything into words except the most basic of human emotion/the most gut feelings you have about your suicide?",1.8796261682242985,3.854396074766356,2.6988878504672904,94.770761682243,78.90654205607476,5.0276635514018695,19.111214953271027,5.6839178017228535,-0.32268897196261737,408,9,88,2,10,128,71,107,0.116,0.7829999999999999,0.102,-0.682,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,7,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,5,5,1,3,1,23,16,4,1,1,5,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,2,2,20,4,17,13,2,12,0,0,0,3,21,4,0,3,5,61,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018701718649451,0.22639081605204384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302744552942751,0.19089979395103493,0.15331981084247068,0.0,0.17417760313268613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913948815572816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304385408130892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556406923899178,0.0,0.16501811072886352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420550417494616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047856204432961,0.0,0.0,0.1972786771346135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044645553304756,0.0,0.12436544460245424,0.18889224588190964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369615272653946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625058204313264,0.0,0.19825028020099253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729613095649988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816365947811502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037962974718237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237781484966854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864067005164832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264943686561941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478866709088432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22639081605204384,0.0
suicidewatch,nowthatsrad,2019/01/05,"I love the imagery of my body hanging from the ceiling It's something I picture exceedingly frequently. Not a day goes by where I don't think about killing myself.

It's a release for not only myself, but the world around me. 

""Finally, that stupid ugly cunt is dead.""

Why must I have to be cursed with survival instinct? 

Why must I be so completely weak and pathetic? I'm a fucking coward. I fear pain, and I fear failure. I'm a fragile oversensitive piece of shit.

I want to do good in the world. The greatest act of good I could do would be to commit suicide.

By not doing so I am an inherently bad person.

I'm a dumb fuck who can't do anything right.",1.482012987012986,3.77875728787879,3.3735064935064933,87.66954545454549,82.18181818181819,5.892640692640692,26.095238095238088,7.1686216300943375,1.3376692640692642,510,22,103,7,14,171,87,132,0.395,0.482,0.124,-0.9957,1,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,15,7,2,11,0,16,7,2,0,3,15,24,5,3,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,12,0,0,0,1,14,3,14,17,2,11,0,0,0,3,3,6,5,0,3,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862954693101618,0.16078433508583562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080475434373278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062091678908112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936985117706964,0.0,0.0,0.14420520802932954,0.0,0.0,0.1164807858578811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064808723658901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785329514139047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339485985065461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302980121687386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982211218362567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301076355697233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736472925685572,0.19218553142812955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770476888024798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424296881374916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853971943200846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904512031862945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975618884018684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157298579566052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653054025392752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259512385924329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830267052950609,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadisticPie,2019/01/05,Alright boios I think ima do it I'm pretty tired. ,-5.6750000000000025,-7.265029461538456,-0.7071153846153848,105.92086538461538,151.30769230769232,1.3,10.942307692307693,3.1291,-2.100830769230769,39,1,11,0,4,15,11,13,0.206,0.426,0.369,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6116469897772344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852312691102012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6910027707586935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mindlessmonkey123,2019/01/05,I can’t do it anymore I’m a 14 year old female. I’m so afraid. I was the girl who posted about paranoia but nobody responded. I just can’t live anymore. I’m afraid to die but I want to. I just want the pain to end ,-2.856200000000001,-1.2488575199999978,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,104.2,3.3000000000000003,14.25,5.148860815047168,-1.2176,164,4,43,1,8,58,31,50,0.234,0.705,0.06,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,9,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5840720124104991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30561430334159634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608138138924402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26002319974289084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30899767431495456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133377994456808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820217230181167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34737313271064946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962960505495585
suicidewatch,averytiredboi,2019/01/05,"Things should be getting better, but they aren't I'm at a school that's a much better fit for me, my grades are good, great for the most part actually. I have a few good friends, one of which is a guy that I really like and we just admitted our feelings to each other. He thinks I'm amazing, funny, smart, beautiful. I'm not sure but I might love him. Shit's a mess because he just broke up with his girlfriend - as in just just now, and he's feeling like shit about it. Even if it's a mess right now on that front, it seems headed the right way. Things, while shit now, should get better, with that at least. My family is good, no cancer or other health problems or deaths recently. Just normal financial strain. 

Everything should be good, or have a promise of getting better, but it isn't. I have people that care about me, but I still feel like shit and I still feel like I'm better off dead. And having everything be ok in fact makes me feel even more like shit, because I'm just being a whiney bitch. I'm not as sure about going through with my suicide plan anymore but part of that is just that with the new year, the date feels so much closer and I'm scared. Even though it was just five days ago, when the date was the next year, it felt more abstract and distant and less real I suppose. It's only really hitting me that it's in 42 days. But I still feel like I'm better off dead. I still want to go through with it, even if I want to push it back. (Even though I can't bc method will be hypothermia and I need the winter.) I still want to stop living and I don't know why, other than I just am tired of living with myself. ",2.4512291052114072,3.8184132772861368,3.2995870206489712,93.76898721730585,75.51917404129794,6.32015732546706,20.52015732546706,6.775458762138228,0.10712074729596877,1267,27,288,11,27,402,158,339,0.192,0.552,0.255,0.9752,0,0,1,0,0,1,44.0,2,0,1,7,31,38,6,2,15,1,25,10,6,1,3,68,58,27,4,11,22,0,8,6,2,5,3,0,0,1,24,17,0,1,12,0,0,4,7,12,0,2,3,8,28,26,33,44,11,41,0,1,0,1,13,13,6,8,29,189,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.07069313535172725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421563762980277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184319463340502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570357868491699,0.0,0.08832018305376893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844154231586214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385964889756301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343844945467544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923694285736066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021275295525947,0.0,0.06829205709974437,0.0,0.2564026637326904,0.20701088295142356,0.06955587054983638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055968662487157685,0.0,0.1135441755669928,0.0,0.08234114112814096,0.24304431479883234,0.0,0.07986777905697545,0.0,0.07172916538280524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434659473989702,0.07700266894198618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981233750289959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123495925255542,0.0,0.12793557610289946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538191204242999,0.0,0.04835572969911772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684972415022671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650670169700292,0.0537149719177182,0.0,0.06996512626055855,0.07704309942971231,0.0,0.0709779731214869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908870819502166,0.05509555596226029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568956820231205,0.0,0.05022229878148994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931739996955914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824550809586386,0.09281665407614746,0.0,0.07152793104972828,0.0,0.0,0.12373048257784786,0.0,0.0,0.07252727785846495,0.07331537189739849,0.0,0.06594865633583777,0.0,0.0,0.3718043762095673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28926216456819515,0.06056492128896832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924000678588833,0.0,0.1365518286253199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625475485567243,0.04641803540143,0.1423481834848044,0.0,0.0,0.08326164994251213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281848559088647,0.057501244878991685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653678160470773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330080082415552
suicidewatch,schuerosa15,2019/01/05,"I hate myself My heart is so empty, everything is just so empty. Everyday, I just pray I won't wake up. I don't know how to fix it. ",-2.8870000000000005,-1.3285090333333294,1.3033333333333346,96.40500000000002,106.0,5.066666666666666,12.666666666666668,6.742157984588678,-0.44213333333333305,99,2,25,2,5,37,22,30,0.274,0.6509999999999999,0.075,-0.7296,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,0,4,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811689075299309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285811777818091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6344330002636209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942332222876075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suisse1997,2019/01/05,"Reoccurring suicidal/intrusive thoughts I feel like a loser even having to post on here. But basically I’ve been losing my mind since this last summer in July. My boyfriend left to New York for a job and were doing long distance so at the start of the school year I was experiencing intense anxiety but it would come and go. It was very hard to sleep after moving to my new apartment and I would be anxious 24/7, racing/intrusive thoughts. I would wake up everyday praying my mind wouldn’t go into psychosis and I’d just lose it and kill myself. Sometimes I’d wake up in the morning with panic, sweating, intense dreams, etc. I grew extremely depressed and by the end of the September I got this thought into my head that I could be gay. Before this I would compare myself to women heavily, I would even go and search New York tags on Instagram to see if there were pretty women I had to compete with, I know sounds pretty crazy. In fact I’m so threatened by other women, that I muted my roommate while she talked to me if he was on FaceTime so he wouldn’t possibly become attracted to her by her voice or what she was saying. I had this feeling she was weirdly attracted to my boyfriend.. When I visited him in New York, I literally purposely checked every woman to see if they would be prettier, I got obsessive. I made it a priority. I was this insecure, still am. Every girl I would see that was pretty I would go “my boyfriend would probably want to fuck her” in my head. I fear he leave me for another, better woman and that I’ll never be good enough. I’ve conditioned myself to care about how other women look compared to me which is a possibility as to why I have these intrusive thoughts that I am gay. I was lying in bed and the thought came about and caused me intense anxiety, from then on my relationship anxiety became worse. I started paying attention to women like a man would, I got so uncomfortable but it’s uncontrollable, my mind is wired this way. If I suspected that a guy could be attracted to a woman then I would feel attracted and it freaked me out. I also suffered from porn and weed addiction for years. The severity of the ocd has lessened, checking, constantly questioning if I’m attracted to the same sex or same sex friends or not, checking for arousal etc, porn, etc. anyways, the thoughts still come around and other times I feel suicidal more frequently than ever in my life, there are days where I don’t wash my face or hair and just lay in bed checking, googling symptoms, I’ve completely lost my sense of identity. I failed again this semester in school, I wasn’t able to study without the thoughts coming. It’s so hard to control them... and my mom is extremely disappointed in my performance and I threatened to kill myself to her because she just kept telling me I’m a disappointment and this and that. I’m losing it... when I swore I never would. I feel like I’m sick, mentally, and that I don’t deserve anyone’s attention. I feel like people suspect I’m gay too and think that every movement I do or how I sit and how I talk is gay. It’s constantly ruminating in my brain. There have been days where my mind was so foggy I left the house and just sat in my car driving around begging for the thoughts to go away, and then would contemplate suicide. I go in and out of anxiety feelings, but once they come back I’m right back where I was. I go in and out of feeling gay. I still have no problem having sex with my boyfriend and get aroused around him, therefore that reassured me that I’m not gay. My school counselor thinks I need to find immediate help and is pretty sure I have anxiety. She really wants to help me...but I EVEN GET INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THAT I COULD LIKE HER AND WANT TO BE WITH HER. Yeah they come around with like every female, pretty or not. I still find men hot, but I’m so obsessed over this, and because I am and because I cannot settle, I’m going insane. Just want to know if anyone feels the same, or is going through the same thing , and or similar, also any advice. I feel like I’ve lost it and might have to be institutionalized. 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suicidewatch,yxik7tivd7xr56iu,2019/01/05,don't know what to do i've been completely alone for 20 years and i'm struggling with the reality i'm too mentally ill to have any sort of human interaction,0.9640909090909098,3.419553818181821,3.718409090909091,83.09761363636366,86.57575757575758,8.148484848484847,23.40151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.139551515151516,128,5,27,4,4,45,28,33,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.7841,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.443252526370492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910373455402717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44872313560262206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520360051422215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312976496526142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474118854909515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756015554613369
suicidewatch,LuckyCharm45,2019/01/05,"I’m ready to go Nobody ever believes me, I was arrested and falsely accused off of hearsay that I was supposedly planning to hurt a classmate, I’ve lost all trust for law enforcement, friends, family. The most isolating feeling I’ve ever felt in my life.  I’ve always failed to fit in with every crowd, I’ve always been known as “that weird white boy” and “the next school shooter” and the “attention seeker”.  No matter how hard I try to get noticed for the good things I’ve done it always falls short.  The pain I’ve been hiding is unbearable.  I’ve lost hope. I’ve lost trust. I’m ready. Just let me go. Goodbye.",2.295964187327826,4.589949057851238,3.458202479338844,88.22851584022041,79.08264462809917,6.347382920110194,24.13292011019284,7.492282038375204,1.1852308539944905,480,17,95,7,12,155,78,121,0.211,0.605,0.184,-0.4256,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,5,4,12,0,0,6,0,7,2,0,1,3,17,18,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,9,4,6,5,12,8,2,11,0,5,1,0,3,5,0,2,3,45,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041337557305225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824024498653469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567681413332566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928901640542053,0.1364051834033186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262205890419592,0.0,0.08185997466366697,0.0,0.15544648415971482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508120073799936,0.0,0.08458448701827534,0.0,0.184019562818893,0.13579150088925998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502788916236944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080022532456106,0.0,0.0,0.1733140594163442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555062507288704,0.11435262080735235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301890162705738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217926884453724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432077828150192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226979523595762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384838125413073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755715590712794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991741835023744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,killyourtvset,2019/01/05,"I think I'll be gone soon I haven't wanted to live for a while, and I lost one of the only things that made me hopeful that my life would change, that I could change it. Things actually were changing, and now it's all over. Everything is even worse than before. I don't think I'll be here much longer. Everyday i feel like I'm getting closer to the end.",2.215600000000002,3.5484632933333344,3.2876666666666696,93.7555,76.06666666666666,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.1926000000000001,277,6,65,3,6,89,55,75,0.078,0.838,0.084,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,11,18,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,1,8,2,6,10,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1880802006156742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400210609715404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6116598095374431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538821042282826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070477156115288,0.0,0.0,0.1272987312938401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321654059262234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745190390896057,0.13768892906438435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006953561244169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142796184889954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361334481282468,0.09415990620152692,0.0,0.17018730814241126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039150199052756,0.0,0.0,0.18236920131671155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168137912132253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306012817135346,0.14658259485672728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560872921167598,0.2469918293211793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367927637894995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964120136701146,0.13691242631939393,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopelessANDworthless,2019/01/05,I just took a whole bunch of valium I am done.. hopefully I end up in a coma,-2.015000000000001,-0.4687513888888866,2.997777777777781,89.60000000000002,90.66666666666669,8.044444444444443,14.555555555555555,8.841846274778883,0.7753555555555556,57,1,15,2,2,23,15,18,0.0,0.816,0.184,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445512762296669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384757474084364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43146619978173945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826444325377373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485002184660053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FocusForASecond,2019/01/05,Goodbye bro. I'm sorry for the double post. I deleted my last post out of hesitation. I'm sorry bro. Please live well.  ,-1.375,-0.6581951666666654,1.7033333333333331,89.97500000000002,125.66666666666666,3.2666666666666675,16.5,5.46131890053228,-0.23119999999999985,92,3,18,1,6,32,18,24,0.187,0.637,0.175,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233959095234934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534433629285025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150610789303077,0.0,0.0,0.5497704356478779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6425893741634842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25806488406471983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,girlinamber,2019/01/05,"im always left behind im delirious and this wall of text is not going to make much sense. i know it's my own fault. i've isolated myself in my room since the beginning of july, and have left the house maybe ~15 times since then. i used to be invited to hang out but i always made excuses because of how bad my anxiety has gotten. im terrified of leaving the house. i know that when i go outside, people make fun of me. i did this to myself. i get why nobody wants to hang out with me anymore. it's not really a surprise, yet im still so hurt. i find myself becoming hateful

i dont know what else to do anymore. being alive and breathing and wasting away and not contributing to anything meaningful is torture. watching the hours pass by while my boyfriend is out having fun at the bar with my landlord's daughter and her friends, and seeing my old friends have new, better, shinier friends on social media is torture

i feel like this is a cruel trick and i just want it to be over already. why do people think i want to feel this way on purpose

why dont i have the courage to go through with it",3.232180392156863,4.490075120000004,4.361098039215687,87.36917647058826,73.35555555555554,7.071895424836601,28.346405228758172,7.5105763829236425,1.5709189542483657,862,34,178,10,17,282,126,225,0.199,0.659,0.142,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,17,5,0,8,0,18,2,1,5,0,35,39,14,0,3,5,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,10,14,1,0,8,1,0,6,5,8,0,0,3,4,25,9,30,33,2,30,0,1,2,0,7,13,0,0,11,113,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482407549610603,0.0,0.17315935883561642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959956873451686,0.0,0.2063834394526237,0.0,0.0,0.08562600929986261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977603694974495,0.0,0.08687915400760264,0.06342919202275682,0.11491736521494507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202562332097662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24389656344398744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692217464127286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522373243559632,0.07433483826416253,0.0,0.0,0.09510173079798256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411711740674409,0.0,0.05436292563478836,0.0,0.17740561233246552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272990295402497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247035498706457,0.2401242972588521,0.11138992096125523,0.0,0.44957647698868025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171552932503017,0.0,0.0,0.11017614586251337,0.22610581378996364,0.0,0.0,0.05083459829356552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845660923038467,0.13891116428590675,0.0,0.10453431611247757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649026304142599,0.0,0.0,0.10049416282970483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918517143937646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427324414832962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665843718554795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291604894341237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214593832291733,0.0,0.0,0.10606800841265912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309613837708812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667238175908166,0.0,0.0,0.060673614016805814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986760273770059,0.0,0.0,0.1841178665787612,0.08259171067969126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816724974607972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morbidMoron,2019/01/05,"There is a reason I don't own a gun. I choose to not own a gun because I drink a lot. Along with that the insecurities of life. I feel that if I were to mix the two one day my life would end by my own hand. All you've to do is squeeze your fist, and bam.... lights out, and Hopefully start again. I almost envy my friends for having the courage to pull this off on their own. However, I have to many people that care about me that I would rather suffer myself than make them suffer. They do not deserve to suffer in life because of my decisions. Only my mind is to suffer, and I almost feel like a hero doing so. Because my child family and friends would be devastated without me. However, If things were different I would likely go black...",3.3489818181818194,4.451293946666667,4.517515151515153,86.96209090909092,72.86666666666667,7.587878787878788,24.303030303030305,8.00094639256281,1.1390666666666664,572,16,123,8,11,188,91,150,0.136,0.698,0.166,0.458,3,0,1,2,0,0,22.0,0,1,3,1,5,13,0,1,8,0,16,5,1,2,1,29,23,7,0,8,6,0,4,2,2,4,3,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,5,1,0,2,4,5,0,2,2,6,23,8,20,16,6,10,0,4,1,0,7,4,0,6,6,93,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31704884414514034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895126000831601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140741752874854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209674057134116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540007274440535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508335945899904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021551623001036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924041392998386,0.0,0.1600924085393502,0.1130965707130439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24461955639998545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997112187939182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572373768233342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354567338260151,0.1546843680522047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345893521225703,0.0,0.0,0.10567303757803707,0.1605013149841218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984779433491264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727483460650718,0.12040175573421252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975209968734324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276886670983334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205250905150807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517401340252973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464569584617965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260502213733426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498350305995963,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mr_oogieboogie,2019/01/05,"Rant I dont know that this belongs here. Might delete.

It's funny how everyone always seems to want to show the happy and the 'best side' of themselves always. Even funnier how people seem to chastise these same people for showing a more real ugly side of themselves. A cry out for help in a showing of self doubt. A cry out for help in showing a lack of will to move forward. So many times I've been punished for showing a side of myself no one desires to see. Guess what, I'm part of that no one. When you tell me to just see the positive side of things or just be happy, you have a son to raise, smarten up, I'm reminded of my failings, I'm reminded that my self doubt is to be believed. Why wouldn't I want to just be happy? My mind decided to run an everlasting show of all my failures and a nonstop track of 'I want to die'. I dont choose this. Why would anyone choose this. I dont want to have a constant debate waging in my thoughts. I dont want to have to fight to rationalize living one more day. Telling myself I have a son, I have people who rely on me, look forward to me, need me, truly love me and at the same time fighting that they would be better off without me. My end would also be an end to the suffering I put them through and the burden I am to them. The horrible things I've done in my life solidify the hatred I hold for myself and the blame I put upon myself for everyone in my life's suffering. Next time you hear how someone's depressed or dealing with a 'mental' disorder, dont pretend you understand the convincing bullshit that's going on in their head telling themselves that whatever it is their going through is completely justified and real. It is. Just like you convinced yourself he wouldn't hit you again. Just like you convinced yourself of so many things just being 'normal'. I just want to stop wanting to die. I want to be 'normal'.",4.434206349206349,5.092897373015873,5.3221439153439185,83.83581904761904,69.97883597883596,7.9527619047619025,29.670264550264548,7.976525956113202,1.901026962962964,1469,55,296,18,25,481,167,378,0.17800000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.161,-0.9098,0,0,0,0,3,1,34.0,0,7,5,3,17,21,3,2,23,0,31,4,1,3,1,60,57,15,2,18,10,2,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,2,18,9,0,2,8,7,1,8,10,10,0,3,3,4,44,11,56,39,8,37,0,4,3,1,28,20,0,8,15,210,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599409474465132,0.1247360074468494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240980753556415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444785800037953,0.07865994085480879,0.06629101027547378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858818477747834,0.08099899842704847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646676151214828,0.048339339473133014,0.07727461890425898,0.06455805117860773,0.0,0.15558151331590644,0.0,0.08590415136947323,0.0,0.0,0.07670429911558109,0.4392295593865511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277457048115882,0.0,0.0,0.04950662543220452,0.0,0.0,0.14324414123885296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851965416127567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257064054827265,0.0,0.0,0.2393708214891859,0.0,0.0,0.07692476283110022,0.0,0.0844789729511055,0.0,0.10048060953801467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04119293736151162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588491427652866,0.07323779521871909,0.0,0.06618604311203549,0.0,0.06294275613640904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764920565499391,0.0,0.0,0.1519838440969692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553633119333575,0.0795146949846684,0.07568250221453066,0.0,0.0,0.07966458649434435,0.0,0.05557768300896095,0.0,0.0,0.07971477607195787,0.0,0.14687865039964165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237297345485756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811682308455179,0.0,0.15589167611972266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069960036927282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062886522652393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945778695435415,0.13647120666151125,0.15638741796226746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350855720984593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266517279422869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654015408949865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938897096516604,0.0,0.0,0.059505362388926675,0.13111941082570389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803009680426022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536800279403294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526924168619622,0.0,0.0,0.07225329554225039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597362080026446,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hamburgo,2019/01/05,"Waiting for my mums birthday to be over... So fucking annoying waiting. I don’t wanna be “that guy” who kills themselves on their mums birthday, but I also don’t want to fucking go back to work on the 7th. Will this shit fucking day end already?",3.311875000000001,5.130496437500003,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,74.20833333333334,5.633333333333334,32.83333333333333,5.985473137389443,1.7841083333333327,191,10,36,1,4,61,36,48,0.198,0.774,0.028,-0.8693,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,6,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,5,12,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,9,0,7,0,0,0,3,5,3,4,0,3,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776221545290873,0.20118652818744492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344765732599967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224674947208675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282309510138912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6977383548633584,0.0,0.0,0.14297735647190518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491013922775139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27833335717700564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582408069978121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483869957470379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315150032669827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irmak-y,2019/01/05,Everything is a motivation to do it. I am a coward.I should have done it a long time ago.,-2.082666666666668,-0.24740259999999736,2.3500000000000014,90.08833333333334,100.0,6.666666666666668,16.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,0.6921666666666675,68,2,17,2,3,26,16,20,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,13,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569079597856858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5274758082179155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632457566944187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561496772159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005581955457651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlankName2403,2019/01/05,"I might attempt this week. I just wanted to put this out there. I already came really close to attempting twice, but I just couldn't let go. I'm thinking about attempting this week. Shit just isn't getting better. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for 2 years. I love my family and friends, but it's just too hard to deal with the stuff going down in my head. I might decide against it again, I'm not too sure.",2.2674999999999983,4.410776226190481,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,78.40476190476191,6.5809523809523816,23.595238095238088,7.6454224807358475,1.0058380952380954,329,11,70,5,8,103,59,84,0.198,0.6940000000000001,0.108,-0.8101,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,9,5,1,0,1,0,6,3,2,0,1,21,16,3,1,2,7,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,3,1,8,4,11,9,0,12,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,2,4,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465623804630495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402150673859406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121132222488996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823957237235398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748322064459336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432834969397072,0.0,0.09689354607504873,0.0,0.2107987955858893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613290398846975,0.0,0.19033222532941527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964218716355308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738204162361922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934808060715388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643535084739254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880840258890488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036878436399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123037151977749,0.20285968549656508,0.0,0.17479087983777425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883325664453945,0.0,0.14723201769741115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938725108626028,0.0,0.2975245859139357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942812652015387
suicidewatch,olivia4454444,2019/01/05,"Suicide and nightmares I wanna die. I’m too ashamed of my mental heath. I don’t want to tell anyone because i’m so afraid that people will look at me like i’m a broken, non-functional human being. I don’t want my relatives to judge me. They don’t deserve to be related to me. I just want to be normal. I don’t want to go through therapy while looking at the disappointment in my family’s eyes. 

 I have nightmares about people I know committing suicide. It may be because of guilt over my attempts. I just want to rest. I am so tired of suffering. I want help. But I don’t want people to label me as broken.",0.5259523809523792,2.843005722222223,3.0447301587301614,88.19471428571428,87.01587301587301,5.899682539682541,22.685714285714287,7.3011,1.0935276190476195,475,18,97,8,15,164,71,126,0.258,0.625,0.116,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,3,2,0,13,2,1,0,1,16,27,6,3,9,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,3,20,1,19,21,1,6,0,2,3,0,4,4,0,1,2,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111166345867628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373680332011226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492066619609347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980363918181952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031066802807937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065121987285921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733128412808516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763406924625497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668841831653153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014116069328718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569539309408073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33049889452980097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34763754057022184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889196497233225,0.0,0.1817243211406774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826405396963469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6560934073962695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Edvis64,2019/01/05,"They say they care about you, but really they don't care. I had someone who i thought i could always talk to, someone who i trusted, that person was the reason why i went to psychologist. I've been feeling really bad lately, started self-harming again in like 3 years, told her about it she just replied with ""oh no"". I regret everything i told her. I think she wanted me to go to therapist because i was too annoying to her she always told me that im not a burden to her but i guess she was lying. She's ignoring me :( i really care about her, but sometimes you dont receive the same.

I just hope ill kill myself, never self-harmed in years, I hope this is an unlock to my path of suicide.",2.3162765957446823,3.9912025602836887,4.056329787234045,86.90875000000004,76.58865248226951,6.969503546099293,23.80673758865248,7.793537801064563,1.1769758865248223,535,17,111,8,12,180,85,141,0.236,0.588,0.177,-0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,2,3,0,7,13,2,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,20,25,3,2,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,10,2,33,7,14,14,1,11,0,1,0,0,24,2,0,3,7,77,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998694203466732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037393268956996,0.08058238424215011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043324912832415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554372767476426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492682441652456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188047140423258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683972291083491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512717075422562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562324935562948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26259090718883005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278892438806526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624971511025692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911716437373113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645818274181668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195382016913238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542405026261734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540547479939469,0.13591432658996766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512355972939272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27580800888529305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400994836364088,0.0,0.13074024276374166,0.0,0.09356544416815007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459545832878684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625008895184976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534838969453508,0.0,0.08470263161041172,0.0,0.10494485894285632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789423909003733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779696550718142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254234729294652,0.11928178333980448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025329255794786
suicidewatch,shitjustgotteal,2019/01/05,"I’d do it if I didn’t have a kid I can’t kill myself cuz I can’t just leave my kid. I’m the only ones he’s got. His life has been fucked up enough cuz his mom is so shitty.  He’s with me full time and he’s the only reason I’m still around, cuz this life sucks. ",-3.3990427350427344,-1.8961143230769224,-0.06564102564102647,108.39675213675214,99.92307692307692,2.8888888888888893,7.222222222222222,3.1291,-2.685905982905983,199,0,60,0,9,70,45,65,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,3,0,8,3,0,4,0,9,13,6,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,8,0,3,10,2,5,0,0,0,1,8,3,2,1,2,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389908027149296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27739615064480233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24819160268317755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471601653642444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970167893872422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842657131419857,0.0,0.0,0.3792495931770461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144230091441637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819188584410121,0.408359519505293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27602677300976225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439652703575907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565441232525197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LokitheSquirrel,2019/01/05,"Tired of trying I feel like I was never suppose to exist in the first place, like I never should of been born. I don't know why I was born. I have no purpose here, except it seems to suffer. I'm 34 and a drug addict. I've never held down a job for very long even before I was an addict. I can remember from a very young age wanting to die. All I can feel inside is complete and utter despair.

I've always felt like this, always. I can't take it anymore, I don't want to. I guess, I just don't see the point in trying anymore. I have never accomplished anything nor will I. So, again, I don't see the point in trying. 

I will never be normal and I don't understand why I can't be. I'm tired of fighting my addiction, my depression, my anxiety and my suicidal ideations. I think my mom is probably the only person that cares about me and I know that after a while her pain for my loss will lessen. I had a dog that loved me but I had to give him back to my ex because I can't even take care of myself and that hurt a lot.

I don't know, I feel like I can't fully articulate the pain inside of me and how truly tired I am of living but this will have to do. I plan on ending it tomorrow night. I'm not entirely sure why I'm putting this on here, I guess it's just nice to let someone know.",1.051639976275208,2.4295072882562287,3.3798087188612094,91.68484949584816,79.32028469750891,6.249169632265718,20.249258600237244,6.996647511020387,0.25971518386714143,992,24,231,11,24,343,134,281,0.15,0.7559999999999999,0.095,-0.8925,1,0,1,0,2,1,30.0,0,0,0,4,11,17,1,0,12,0,33,10,0,1,7,41,61,13,2,4,6,2,4,4,0,5,9,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,12,0,0,1,18,8,0,1,8,6,43,9,26,45,2,28,0,5,2,1,8,9,0,4,22,156,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896661086409863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473961910183808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775650659062347,0.0,0.1756770934539425,0.0,0.0,0.0728863152865189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810556551865155,0.0,0.05399200693739703,0.0,0.07536732404645724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060789902317828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286491793626496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762859982299106,0.0,0.09192262493014132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271414054764433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844754034380738,0.0,0.0,0.11700050640132875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435234575280186,0.12655015696271232,0.08504196697547937,0.0,0.0,0.07533837399052888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496529113952013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951416941407108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481699503815948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789296518214275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470503147321705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056976017388144,0.0,0.17308509827722626,0.0,0.07820973953691171,0.07838247150593805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529982354565162,0.07993870770005204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373318371411966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34155674454384005,0.0,0.0,0.08311780259751074,0.08678069009084023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736217106622408,0.18849139389060054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733670554838151,0.09253775351224876,0.0,0.16745628428895046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549442541034532,0.0,0.0,0.08903823177075737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033357941266216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115910189012354,0.08063163338845954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504584779814237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688220400309733,0.0,0.08347703801705267,0.0,0.13318860870977184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056752665195192925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053977081486631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180401509469328,0.0,0.0,0.09220544483632173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616055948288445,0.10448283944772796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397644200090241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaypickle1337,2019/01/05,"I think I might be done I've been hanging on by a thread for a few years and now I've lost the one thing that motivated me and kept me going, my dog. My ex wife has taken her and moved out of state and as of a few weeks ago blocked me on everything including the dogs Instagram. This is something she swore she would never do and she did it out of nowhere.

I(M28) have been depressed for as long as I can remember but always managed to convince myself things would get better. About 3 and a half years ago my ex(F28) and I got a divorce, I knew it was coming but still a mess. All I had then was my dog(F6) and she was the reason I kept going everyday. I didn't remove my ex from my life because I'm a pushover and knew she still loved the dog very much, she also just knew how to make me do anything she wanted. I spent the next 2 and a half years with that dog by my side litteraly 24/7 thanks to a job where I work alone. I loved that dog more than you can imagine, I saw her as my daughter and on one occasion put myself between her and a stray pitbull that was trying to rip her throat out. Walks with her were the happiest I've ever been in my life. About 6 months ago my ex got a good job with great pay out of state. I fought her over it but eventually she convinced me to let her take the dog because she will be able to provide for her better, and like I said she just knows how to get her way. When I agreed to this she said she would never do anything to stop me from seeing or visiting my dog. Since then my life already turned to shit, I lost my job, had to move in with family, more miserable than ever, but at least I could see new pictures of my dog everyday and talk to and see her on a pet cam my ex had given me access to. 3 weeks ago out of nowhere, just in time to make the holidays even worse, my ex blocks me from all social media accounts including the one she made just for the dog, and would answer none of my attempts to reach out and see what happened by email.

I apologize for any bad spelling or other mistakes I'm on mobile. Also on a throwaway because my family knows my real account.

TLDR/ Ex wife took my dog and won't let me see her. That dog is 100% the reason I'm still alive today, I don't think I can make it without her.",4.41841303048416,4.078807646443519,5.237731619844592,87.91670502092053,69.81589958158996,8.334847579199044,26.904064554692173,7.7094869923839395,1.2332131500298864,1757,47,402,18,28,574,210,478,0.09,0.7909999999999999,0.119,0.9553,3,1,1,0,1,0,41.0,0,1,0,7,19,19,2,1,24,0,37,7,2,9,6,79,82,35,0,7,11,9,0,1,0,7,3,2,1,0,15,29,0,5,13,1,4,11,7,9,0,5,32,8,77,10,64,38,9,62,0,4,6,2,46,19,1,3,30,276,92,7,0.0786469409585849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788630714996231,0.0,0.0,0.08145451215670918,0.0867888550278745,0.12578786054044638,0.06544055515262417,0.0,0.0,0.053482616770358905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943946251051205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566691061549992,0.14382733570151698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911365620400545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774737575975211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279318279559994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773849500513768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048312623530826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194556276617969,0.14228132143876815,0.0,0.0,0.07068279934954841,0.0,0.14828267307450896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217956123615858,0.0,0.08939373793245885,0.06596532269722072,0.12580228643873256,0.08670853005493177,0.0,0.0,0.06954723015416545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234134860437978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644460391128808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084365124685546,0.16665198079624138,0.03842292274193066,0.0,0.0,0.06960006787344565,0.0,0.0,0.17170485300270405,0.0,0.14196386959341184,0.0744176371384913,0.15749233138008156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343197588403671,0.0,0.0,0.06277523793755857,0.1671785035581021,0.05781455083756749,0.0,0.12131473859475568,0.07595770565791009,0.08364191393954715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987960777710145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906189809422919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951743681746366,0.0,0.16172430786989012,0.0,0.0,0.08909165280120064,0.0,0.14962250163975147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133571474511025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072995470707729,0.06505756227600441,0.0,0.0,0.08017065206446038,0.0,0.06054625749181049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842264592576333,0.06575236421827653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913271186828835,0.06321343204933526,0.0,0.07240753668490768,0.0,0.0,0.1044990658670912,0.10078756828394017,0.0,0.0,0.04585966373489635,0.0,0.0745481040833057,0.0,0.0873796452012326,0.05339611039008923,0.08554528772532657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489196286480252,0.04638800344935079,0.06242628101914888,0.12617166425325665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581284456144294,0.0,0.05725590969839586,0.0,0.08014795183293696,0.2234741214640267,0.0,0.0,0.15193815430824728
suicidewatch,AvacadMmmm,2019/01/05,"Breaking Point I’ve reached a breaking point on the eve of my 31st birthday. I have no doubt I’ll do it. It might be this year, might be next year, or might be 10 years from now. But I have no doubt I’ll take my own life before life takes it from me. ",1.7185714285714262,2.2453080000000014,2.5128571428571442,101.98214285714286,76.14285714285714,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.6442000000000001,192,4,52,0,4,60,36,56,0.168,0.8059999999999999,0.025,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,6,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535644812590984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911167240835379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6558457645812982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916535164315915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38961897083107705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098886904858216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981207202055075
suicidewatch,catdaddymcnug,2019/01/05,"How to not die Looking for advice!!! I’ve felt like my whole life no one has taken my pain seriously and now my fiancé is the main subject of this. If she doesn’t take it seriously, who will? If there’s really no one on my team cheering for me then what is the fucking point.",1.7482758620689651,3.3431910689655204,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,77.9655172413793,6.708965517241379,21.944827586206888,7.554174236665415,0.7008993103448269,214,6,48,3,5,73,48,58,0.17600000000000002,0.6920000000000001,0.132,-0.257,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,6,10,5,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,2,6,2,5,7,2,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,2,3,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902322296246081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082468277787913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851737161355228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745785892358555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097851360341041,0.14510283110464398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249411443521658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025198513254622,0.0,0.3160368531389095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807680288879947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902705692051938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331262930240794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33159819623283104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zangoku,2019/01/05,Would about 20-30 200 mg ibuprofen and a ton of alcohol kill me? All ready took the pills starting to drink,2.2677272727272744,4.227049409090913,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,77.63636363636364,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.7882909090909096,85,3,19,1,2,26,22,22,0.187,0.7140000000000001,0.099,-0.4939,0,0,2,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529918973376443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152346908397036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689532608647029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000198674837009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709390901762566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30110759547557203,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drtysouthdrtymouth7,2019/01/05,Phone calls? So this is my first time posting. I don't like to text very much. Do people make phone calls to talk on here?,-1.1515384615384612,0.9052296153846164,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,99.0,2.6,10.346153846153848,3.1291,-2.3078153846153846,94,1,24,0,4,28,22,26,0.097,0.903,0.0,-0.3549,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6739040176926764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28068543004922225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121420821732452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026783051941384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24257725262912586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287703414906472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31603481638186404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26522978132040875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241715232833886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722725307281374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirius_gray,2019/01/05,"Waiting for my husband to stop loving me. I hope it's soon. I just want out, already.",-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444438,1.1722222222222245,97.345,102.88888888888887,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.2534666666666663,65,3,14,0,3,22,17,18,0.103,0.516,0.38,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472857147163314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925835554334237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44760815089318057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146307683622553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925201814667072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teadrinker69,2019/01/05,"I have schizophrenia and it’s destroying my life I can’t hold meaningful relationships even with family because I can’t pick up on social cues, I don’t smile naturally and I’m really depressed I have trouble focusing and I can’t find a job, I don’t know what to do I get paranoid very often too I feel like my meds aren’t working I’m so tired of this I just want to be normal and function like everyone else I’m tired of being a schizophrenic it just ruins my life I’m depressed as fuck and people are mean to me because they misinterpret me as being mean but it’s just my personality, I have a really flat affect and it’s making me want to go out and relapse I just needed to vent I dont know what to do and I might be homeless soon but I’m waiting on ssi it’s just really hard.",-0.11753246753247025,2.1641178095238125,2.9108008658008657,87.7948051948052,91.14285714285714,6.14978354978355,20.13636363636364,7.520522993642371,0.9316214285714288,624,21,133,13,22,221,85,168,0.14300000000000002,0.794,0.063,-0.8969,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,2,0,3,0,18,6,0,3,0,35,36,13,0,4,7,0,2,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,10,0,2,7,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,0,2,22,2,15,31,0,6,0,3,0,1,4,4,1,2,3,86,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849096465918203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663212985028877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181195349706342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915224067909625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211482943563303,0.0,0.0,0.14773124730840542,0.0,0.0,0.14574738498281956,0.0,0.07817269225465362,0.11044950223525868,0.0,0.0,0.14130573326898305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292939039513722,0.0807744822834909,0.0,0.08786531337311815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384952853261006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342113336467764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699332053397106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184034938103612,0.1510639212774212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031997197315184,0.0,0.0,0.33681929917541964,0.1717307721332739,0.0,0.0,0.16401096712004742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463729493458645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147960704607755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071833098326072,0.1349947062467939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971308492295531,0.0,0.0,0.16598739874369772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759984155250945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553903122511591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756492310055456,0.18237950684689005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255393418974198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uhhh_h_,2019/01/05,Would be cool if I wasn’t depressed...it’s ruining my humanity I need to feel love and wanted ,-0.669666666666668,1.516552700000002,2.9400000000000013,85.85833333333333,97.0,6.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.5041666666666669,74,3,16,2,3,27,19,20,0.098,0.585,0.317,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215578448637929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5739740179122856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715524109122158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751026060223489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451764028986704,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bananomen,2019/01/05,"I dont how long I can last I'm at my limit or almost there. 
I feel like suicide is the waiting for me with open arms. 
I want to sleep and not wake up. 
I ask God to end it, but I only receive silence.
Am I going crazy?? 
I want to go home but even my bed feels foreign. 
I'm a failure I can't even face my parents. 
I hate this life. 

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suicidewatch,anon17171717,2019/01/05,"how do I continue after trying everything possible hey everyone, I‘m not sure why I am writing this or if I even should write this but I guess I‘ll just try to start somewhere in this absolute mess. 

I don‘t want to share anything too personal here but it‘s hard to understand my situation without knowing everything, so it may sound like I am exaggerating everything but this is how I actually feel.
Basically, all I do now is stay up the whole night and either cry or stare at my ceiling, go to sleep at around 10 in the morning, sleep until 8pm, eat something and repeat. I’ve tried to “normalize“ my sleeping several times but I always end up fucking it up because I can‘t sleep at night and don‘t want to see anyone during the day. I‘ve isolated myself from everyone but I go to therapy, which isn‘t helpful at all. In fact, it actually makes me feel worse, my therapist doesn’t help me at all and once indirectly told me that she doesn’t know if she could do anything for me but it‘s my fault because I never really talk. 
I don‘t have any ambitions or goals in life. Even if I had any, I don’t think I would be able to accomplish anything since I am not qualified for anything. 
After trying literally every option I have and none of them working, the only thing that would be left would be get a job as a cashier or something and live the same life I am living now, just with a job. 

I really hate these nights in which I am completely calm, not crying or cutting, and I see everything clear and realize that there is no point anymore, i‘m only alive because suicide would be wrong. 
I know that I won‘t kill myself I wouldn’t even know how but I just feel like absolute shit and don‘t know what else to do. So yeah that‘s basically it I feel so silly for crying on the internet I don‘t even know what I expect to happen now. nothing I guess",4.527671058223547,5.7884589281768015,5.616795580110503,79.5914747131322,70.21546961325967,9.215639609009775,29.11644708882278,9.565088089820216,2.640120781980451,1460,55,282,33,26,484,185,362,0.135,0.7440000000000001,0.12,-0.9,2,0,2,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,1,3,20,14,5,0,9,1,38,9,5,4,7,77,67,32,2,14,23,0,5,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,21,11,1,0,13,0,0,2,19,8,0,0,2,9,44,6,36,52,7,36,0,0,3,1,12,17,2,13,18,203,65,6,0.07453521398619932,0.0,0.14547123403330509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201926892801915,0.0,0.0,0.10137300286402187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391890406485555,0.05211675464919616,0.0,0.2453445211953031,0.06635214283073944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363079239054282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814875377274066,0.0,0.0,0.05951030338241886,0.0,0.2456202979794688,0.048069046876692716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626813164445266,0.06226460713570772,0.0,0.06601607636818115,0.0,0.0,0.19691922351815866,0.0,0.06279913246079233,0.14244318220047328,0.2679497770898157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074897489608616,0.05324797176458074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689066042858041,0.03894157298028024,0.0,0.08472015954607487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421788276025087,0.0,0.06591124357167172,0.0,0.066768911523601,0.0735880927383581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999187656001382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792939781822634,0.0,0.08246217096503697,0.0,0.2457756260554256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098272808309834,0.0,0.10529285181320998,0.07282828126914946,0.0,0.1316319189964735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975283411120995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748615197634665,0.0,0.0,0.20983874751654308,0.07302868438210515,0.07151854804559589,0.0,0.0,0.0793775703290717,0.0,0.11337477784376128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508127389552394,0.0,0.0,0.07045986912720248,0.08402725464774763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549833332558272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878983088062978,0.0,0.0,0.08420357619922897,0.07650932605702779,0.06165629923503293,0.08378070342353437,0.2983561697053685,0.0,0.0,0.11476169837532656,0.0,0.0,0.0527564080900729,0.07944462088350357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152942654614485,0.0,0.070248557093968,0.0,0.0,0.059908581658381276,0.0,0.0,0.08523751300152885,0.08654112823909353,0.04951788423572098,0.04775915552232386,0.0,0.0,0.04346208267166591,0.0,0.0,0.07122159110023664,0.0,0.2024180707067456,0.0,0.0,0.07759378638513602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792560069973064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725643741162826,0.08321590460964594,0.0,0.07184928648738241,0.0,0.05426252349206727,0.0,0.07595775077341342,0.2117907099841361,0.08149255575999405,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSentinelsSorrow,2019/01/05,"my plan is to go to this beautiful secluded footbridge in the woods, take some LSD, then down a few shots and hang myself I couldnt do it sober, stupid lizard brain survival instincts

i would put a bullet in my brain but im not american

somehow the nothingness of the void is equally comforting and terrifying",4.427627118644068,6.606422271186446,4.812000000000001,81.58003389830509,72.05084745762713,8.787796610169492,30.444067796610174,9.3871,2.9344006779661016,250,11,46,6,5,79,48,59,0.116,0.7829999999999999,0.102,-0.2234,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,5,0,5,2,2,0,0,8,7,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,5,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7633281116110565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430485474218356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693015580578763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343695452951018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25705990723332817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428699577509122,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notMuchLeftInMe,2019/01/05,"When is it ok to... Ive been/had/suffered, what ever ,from depression for lik 15 years... i'm done... thing dont get better, they get worse...there is no silver lining... im done ,cut my wrist and it wont even bleed enough... ffs...cant even do that right...",-1.2037196765498663,0.8154502452830208,0.7213477088948785,103.37641509433963,93.71698113207546,3.783288409703504,11.345013477088948,5.288315135182226,-1.6543401617250677,185,2,47,1,7,60,44,53,0.202,0.7559999999999999,0.043,-0.8023,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,1,2,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,3,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317695101886189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225710663304426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536353806089358,0.3071306936381014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707765566350034,0.0,0.346174429378357,0.23704698071118105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738295746794079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28306822628236433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379658786975565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410007020206986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875712787125285
suicidewatch,v3nt_r3ddit,2019/01/05,"First draft post I've posted here a lot. This is just a blog for me at this point. I feel like I'm wasting resources by writing stuff on here continuously, so feel free to ignore. For everyone who replied to previous posts, it isn't that you didn't ""do enough."" These problems aren't fixable in the amount of time I have. I am not expecting responses. This is for my own personal records.

​

I've been thinking about a suicide plan for a few months, and have been suicidal on and off for around five years. During this time, my situation has only gotten worse. If you have read any of my other posts, this might be familiar. I'm only writing this to have a working draft.

​

I wanted to pursue a certain career track for several years. Due to several circumstances (multiple deaths, insurance fraud, insurance companies not paying out, having to scrap most of my savings for another car, lawyer fees, etc.), I was not able to get the required transcripts for my dream career. At this point, I do not have money to buy textbooks if I resume college. The entire reason I went was for this career path - I was blackmailed into it (if you drop out I will force you to pay me back for everything you've ever bought me!) and I decided to pursue it. I failed.

​

There is a slim to none chance of me even being able to finance my next year of education if I stay. I don't have the money to retake all of the classes that I did horribly in. I've pretty much made up my mind to drop out, so I can abandon the dream once and for all instead of hanging on to it tooth and nail like an idiot.

​

I have work, but they didn't give me the hours I needed, and they scheduled others over top of the other open hours. I'm not making enough to cover my rent, which I was previously taking out of savings. I have to go to court. My lawyer is taking my side, but the lawyer and the court fees together are close to one month's expenses. I just found out that my grandfather has cancer. I lost weight and gained a whole lot more back during all of this. I'm not happy with myself, my living arrangements, my living situation, my grades, my job prospects, or anything else, and no one is taking me seriously.

​

""Drop out and get a job!"" This is what I'm likely going to do, but I'm not sure if I'll regret college and debt more than I will regret giving up on my dream career once and for all.

​

""Find a new field!"" I tried. There aren't any classes open now for me to switch my major and the other field I wanted has no openings for experience. I checked. For hours.

​

It's just too much at once. I'm waiting until the end of January. If anything good happens, anything at all, I'll put up with it. I can't continue living like this. I have no energy and no motivation. I've tried therapy and I've tried pills. I've tried religion. I've tried venting. I've tried waiting. I've tried making things. I've tried getting back into what I used to like. I've tried drowning out my thoughts with mindless hours of YouTube. I've tried studying harder. I've tried not eating to save money. I've tried sleeping more. I've tried sleeping less.

​

I don't have anything to live for anymore. I don't expect a reason to crop up magically within the next few days, but I wouldn't mind being proved wrong. If I'm not, I already have a plan.

​

I don't know how someone can be expected to endure all of this. I've heard that ""suicide is selfish."" I don't consider voluntarily leaving an unbearable situation selfish.

​

I doubt anyone I know is going to find this account. If anyone does - I was dealing with too much. I have been for years. It reached a boiling point. I gave up on seeking help a while ago when even the help didn't help me. There wasn't anything anyone could have done.",3.07497113997114,5.057807685185189,4.1423520923520964,85.76577922077925,75.32275132275132,6.751130351130352,25.87253487253487,7.631715855861406,1.416284656084656,3014,109,588,41,66,978,301,756,0.128,0.8009999999999999,0.071,-0.9916,4,0,0,0,0,2,145.0,0,4,2,11,24,26,1,1,30,0,64,8,3,8,10,114,106,34,5,19,25,0,3,5,0,4,2,1,1,1,35,33,3,5,14,5,16,7,28,13,0,4,23,4,73,14,94,74,26,84,0,5,0,0,18,38,0,14,36,388,108,25,0.07349201387331596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032573118022158586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055013240194896,0.0,0.0,0.3981428316354938,0.4465042047892719,0.049977089582394114,0.03853139221645275,0.0,0.0,0.036442164934553815,0.07708098731198601,0.0,0.15119416373083236,0.03271173677950286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476623341593867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029338696489123624,0.0,0.0,0.023698134552837515,0.03788351963994433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03215667829724035,0.03760392303731085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760033874688965,0.030696573650954205,0.0,0.032546055353182266,0.07593689598476958,0.04098151110263299,0.04854078204363478,0.03323886702280652,0.0,0.03511238434350894,0.03302494163846298,0.03594464578996337,0.0,0.0,0.037159770402291466,0.026251354697747812,0.0,0.0,0.06717036926012054,0.03125613472861494,0.0,0.040290099950121935,0.0,0.0,0.057594815966693275,0.07050023637214928,0.06265080766249469,0.030820807215978074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03249437257853513,0.03911680767329495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073890221631177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474965965272998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292948376549452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040389288842570106,0.0,0.0,0.038908715641371466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976121438373245,0.0,0.12978958937249738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040112607321991935,0.062480282095806784,0.0,0.034769960244743645,0.04905648993527868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898170643646935,0.07420598379389179,0.0,0.058660624318970025,0.0,0.0810376294445736,0.027246698536568643,0.0,0.03548952247828674,0.0781595905029909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739989438282923,0.04980009058882735,0.0558939882276354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032085195897529166,0.0,0.0,0.1042105617426786,0.0,0.14077006844327286,0.03738389948253657,0.0,0.03516096598174598,0.0,0.0369398862865596,0.0,0.0,0.036755950927999013,0.0,0.0,0.07556203033939493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302505700677744,0.0,0.0,0.1239121541824232,0.0735450889268133,0.0,0.031134772432130677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03916635418268079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04206538653733877,0.12058250241132035,0.0,0.03463267666667083,0.0,0.08288527235813617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042022261378327694,0.0,0.024412414217410548,0.023545357506281284,0.0,0.029172224938901183,0.042853784296650536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324325646303701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03173675184332829,0.0,0.0,0.04334749389490378,0.0,0.0,0.044746737016944,0.0,0.03406391657277201,0.0,0.041025604469217734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535030613854348,0.0,0.037447320367653164,0.0,0.04017599010042669,0.4465042047892719,0.09465289480818516
suicidewatch,Saladmitts,2019/01/05,I am committing in 4 hours Yes I am. Shit's been really hurting for a few years and I hate it. I started to cut and after a recent breakdown my friends alerted my mum to my suicidal intentions. I am going to commit suicide a distance away while my parents are asleep. I don't know why I am saying this but I guess I want to immortalize myself before I die. ,0.5027327327327313,2.8488278918918937,3.403153153153152,85.30836336336337,87.64864864864866,5.991591591591593,24.43843843843844,7.3871296695380915,1.4800258258258263,280,12,55,5,9,99,53,74,0.233,0.654,0.113,-0.8921,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,1,7,2,2,1,2,9,13,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,15,1,8,12,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,6,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134307039577504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330223100966146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357632927010614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550852054582294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910413807700716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502498617116387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242802028848813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237135570591348,0.0,0.2431867776970619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484494258207772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25224186868504805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552888093990027,0.0,0.22429982776740412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065217196651392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331834748274601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607898434328024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969672577837048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398887530503648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498272025647374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628798322762654
suicidewatch,Sagadegeminis1,2019/01/06,"Why isn't euthanasia due to depression legal in the USA? I know that it is legal in Europe, why not here? If people don't want to live anymore they should have the right to die with painless and peaceful dignity. ",4.522142857142857,5.745219309523812,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,70.19047619047619,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.2093714285714285,169,6,32,3,3,55,34,42,0.172,0.605,0.223,0.1625,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,21,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362483507575733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920248802662205,0.0,0.3518823134237523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863340417065666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29938901441764226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350558772156553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895484458725285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998157845193115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6118831561043694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gul9uz,2019/01/06,"Unknown trigger caused flashbacks and déjà vu of my suicide attempt - after months of recovery... Today, out of nowhere, I experienced a sudden sense of déjà vu; I was watching TV and I got the sense that I was suicidal again. I wasn't actually suicidal, but it felt like I had been transported back ten months to the time when I had those feelings. I hope I am describing this in an understandable manner.

All at once, the thoughts and feelings that I had during the time leading up to my suicide attempt returned, but now in my current situation and season of life. The intent wasn't there - I wasn't in danger tonight - but the ghosts of those thoughts seemed to haunt me.

This déjà vu was followed by flashbacks. They were horrible. My mind went from feeling the ghosts of my thoughts to reliving the day/night of my suicide attempt in its awful detail. I'm not experiencing those feelings any more, but I'm still shaken from the episode.

Does anyone have experience with this? Could it be a form of PTSD from my suicide attempt nearly ten months ago?

Thank you for any input or support.",5.912906403940887,7.2421962266009885,5.875837438423648,78.76183497536948,67.02955665024629,8.361576354679803,34.697044334975374,8.634040054169528,2.9274295566502464,866,41,154,13,14,272,115,203,0.18,0.735,0.085,-0.9771,2,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,1,1,5,6,5,1,0,12,1,15,1,0,4,1,30,33,10,8,2,6,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,10,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,17,8,21,4,28,14,3,30,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,3,19,108,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.10658693658402944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682054787492983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855222614151142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763720093484256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398656785064597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220320707167733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720653227243567,0.0,0.0,0.07044048928501935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955827197279271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684209894143608,0.0,0.0,0.22090788648535006,0.0,0.10487223584660586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735646660861945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848414646096598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714819079899188,0.053361363493908964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102851744440805,0.0,0.2615448319094506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249939067814748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632006988985982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276770928914937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943349118265056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227724310185636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722648341338844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7168404289483121,0.1239461803019169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055884896349664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601351334613125,0.1273788671779359,0.0,0.10353164714952524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370610889096773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012518071833986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,istherelifeafterlyme,2019/01/06,"Cease to Exist (Idle No More) in 1969 the Carrion ceased to exist (Manson, Helter Skelter; **Little Girl, Cease To Exist**) giving rise to the Council which Is where my Story begins. On the Attack. The SOUL-EATING Violence of the Spiritual Messengers (Du Yu Follow, Little Girl?) gave Birth to the Great Hng Hng Which Begat A Temptress Named (AshLynne).   
  
After Three Star Explosions the Hng Hng Came to rest In the Desert; Below the Great Mesa on the Outskirts of YAH-TA-HEY. Hng Hng Told me a Little Girl Ceased to Exist there and her Spirit Hardened Into clay and Eroded (Cruelly, Gaggle-Toothed) into the Desert. THE CROWS PECKED WHAT WAS LEFT OF HER ELFEN EARTH-RIDDEN BODY. I Loved an Indian Boy Who Summoned Cayotes To my Throat. the SKINWALKER Gazed Into her Wound and Ghoulish Wisps of Haram Rushed In (this is Present in Hng's version but Not Mine, the Council of YTH is Deliberating its Veracity - Voracity for Yu and Yurze.)   
  
https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/suspect-rape-murder-girl-navajo-nation-pleads-guilty-article-1.3378330  
  
  
   This Is my theory But The Council tells it Differently and Is BEGGING ME TO ABUSE Them into Threatening to Feign Suicidal Inclinations. (CEASE TO EXIST.)     
  
PLEASE HELP. The Council Is Active (as far as I Last knew It) in TOHAJILEE Which is Where Podesta Designated its Base. THE COUNCIL IS WICKED! (Hng Hng, Please Don't Let my Girl Out of your Sight???) GOD IS A WANTED CRIMINAL AND IS BEGGING THE COUNCIL TO ABUSE ???? O Carrion, Salad Days! Please get Thee to YAH-TA-HEY, Say it Hng Hng HNg???? YAH-TA-HEY! YAH-TA-HEY! HARM This Into the Forearm of Yu and Yurze? Remember when We SHRIEKED,   
  
**Ցավոք սրտի գիտեմ,թե ծնող կորցնելը ինչ ցավ է,էստեղ խոսքերով էն ցավը,որ ապրում ես ոչ ոք չի կարող մեղմել։
Միայն ինքդ քեզ ,հիշիր՛,քո ծնողը քո սրտում է։ Մեր հիշողությունը մեր ծնողին չի հեռացնում մեզանից։ 
Չգիտեմ ինչ գրեմ,որ մի փոքր ապրես, ուժեղ եղեք ։ 
ԽՆԴՐՈՒՄ ԵՄ  ** 
    

Please. Now The Council is Torturing me Against the Forehead with Morgellons? ",3.4693327067669166,6.58423083928572,2.7232330827067703,86.03755639097744,93.28571428571428,4.8578947368421055,23.454260651629077,6.5966054737557815,1.0573559523809526,1566,59,261,21,57,456,201,336,0.14400000000000002,0.765,0.092,-0.9838,1,0,0,0,2,0,105.0,1,2,1,0,5,6,2,0,25,0,14,7,4,0,0,23,24,12,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,13,16,1,0,2,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,5,2,17,3,40,18,3,33,1,0,1,1,21,21,0,0,8,128,30,0,0.0,0.3175903614581852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247035834046616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886919092766832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328645470195087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643366118953708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002536974552235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371388508498172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002141593943655,0.12856694544429886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955213660012633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983270205578624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924652365265904,0.0,0.0,0.14561623614660954,0.1370474608985658,0.0,0.0,0.4029783626612605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120960869243464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5884674425985341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182178107760225,0.0,0.0,0.10658036239448772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465992627052392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714189225494685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280645919676523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905015882946424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coldbuthot,2019/01/06,"My mom has depression I'm 17f and sleeping at my mom's house tonight. I usually stay at my dad just because it's closer to school, but my grandma called me at 9pm and told me to get over to my mom's because my mom was all worked up over something and was putting all of her Bible's in her car as well as throwing things around and I'm the only person that can calm her down. It was scaring my step dad and he was afraid that she would do something to herself while he was at work.

Lately she has been planning a surprise party for my grandparents for their 50th anniversary and it's been causing her stress on top of her depression that she already has and the fact that she's been out of work for 8 months. Her and my step dad have been fighting and my mom has been talking about divorce.",4.746545454545455,4.7850967757575775,4.861969696969698,89.59295454545456,69.12121212121212,7.8121212121212125,30.43939393939393,7.1686216300943375,1.5233757575757578,628,23,139,5,10,196,89,165,0.104,0.816,0.08,-0.7351,1,0,2,0,3,0,6.0,0,0,1,5,4,9,1,3,3,0,18,1,1,1,3,18,22,13,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,11,0,25,3,25,10,2,25,0,2,0,0,28,14,0,0,5,94,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597590341711088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969157675849783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022706085021784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582099834069044,0.0,0.0,0.12658048162460472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225773865736008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437716039645576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217888587867872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899708687489393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7215665885543375,0.09835271692479508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371406570885564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075906104383476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386974129087845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336432520198815,0.12470482345560345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233085974860411,0.0,0.0,0.1897209511135908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133570911074488,0.0,0.0,0.14114764666162272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990392548472248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186163351825643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774161758366967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570899181255414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078922725223374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691160303258087,0.0,0.0,0.08753167542841933,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,supacat70,2019/01/06,This is so bullshit Just tried to hang myself with and hdmi cable. Apparently I was choking so loud I woke up everyone in my house. Now I gotta explain why. fuuuuuck me,0.3944117647058789,2.848719029411768,4.0678823529411785,78.00947058823533,94.0,6.249411764705883,24.44705882352941,7.554174236665415,1.8537247058823527,133,6,25,3,5,49,31,34,0.219,0.7809999999999999,0.0,-0.8345,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093316880533555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6150434607259606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36189144349664654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809754214997544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mtndew71,2019/01/06,"Future plans I am planning on commiting suicide in the next few months. I am not sad all the time. I am on antidepresants, work full time, and see a therapist. Knowing my life will be coming to an end helps me enjoy taking walks, working, eating, my family and sex. I have a gun on layaway, paying a little bit a month to the pawn shop. I plan on either shooting myself in the heart or in the head....call me vain, but I don't want to destroy my face.  I lost my daughter two and a half months ago. She was a pedestrian, having a panic attack, who was struck and left for dead by a drunk driver. Due to my verbal abuse, my daughter suffered from borderline personality disorder. When she started acting out as a teen rather then taking her to counseling I declared her an out of control teen and social services took her for three and a half years. She tried to kill herself many times in foster care...but I finally got her back when she was 18.  I was in Colorado visiting my family for three months. I left my younger daughter working the night shift and without a ride. When she was feeling suicidal this last time instead of coming home I sent her money for a phone. A week later I was on the phone with her when she was hit by a car and died. I had a chance to save her life and I did not. She was only 21. The man who hit her and left her to die in the road is only facing probation to three years in prison as punishment. I have lost my sister, and my brother. I am estranged from my whole family. I just can't bear the guilt I feel for leaving my daughter so many times- and how my irresponsibility led to her death...so after the trial, and after paying off this gun I am planning on leaving this world and joining my daughter..whose life I ruined, and whose death I caused. I am okay with this.",2.8786888273314872,4.575740880886432,4.171698060941829,86.58626361957529,75.09418282548476,6.696989843028624,24.221698984302854,7.42949916751922,1.0474442474607577,1402,44,285,17,30,461,183,361,0.23,0.7140000000000001,0.057,-0.9975,0,0,0,3,1,1,48.0,0,0,0,10,10,15,4,2,28,1,24,9,3,4,2,40,41,26,7,2,8,6,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,7,21,2,1,3,2,4,10,5,12,0,6,15,3,58,3,44,22,6,63,0,5,1,1,35,23,0,1,30,202,65,6,0.0,0.1112330652904978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321941696259696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680264505686918,0.0,0.07218832533615649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024932135022716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957174474191418,0.09644115509344606,0.0,0.16173951125630248,0.0,0.0,0.10529498652019194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486631683260167,0.0,0.10759520987567156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606320972968184,0.0,0.0,0.08315027591407559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26550659861607434,0.0,0.09493762387865293,0.0,0.0,0.10284152132192244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750848283617725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963484985242482,0.0,0.0,0.11124886876389103,0.062926133948865,0.0,0.0941698165725858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386488633428326,0.0,0.05159427885789279,0.07652515424222707,0.0,0.198811831783234,0.3060043805161566,0.0,0.19893176393624945,0.0,0.0940929448000258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049633560971914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036022523511972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997381430396522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984299856202702,0.08810050881219579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280073245839753,0.0,0.11014856307337673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197284932645017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481062005581053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569936795772016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644911558299556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205380103919529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117293562415192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900252009621644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737124322410675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043047125449881,0.06373871091410822,0.0,0.09170762711767466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055373163328571146,0.0,0.07530529072846957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481424842853164,0.0,0.0904974715906448,0.0,0.2050384110225959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091195436679895
suicidewatch,mark-wally,2019/01/06,"Yo 

 Everyone who says it is temporary probably never felt it to this extent, since these thoughts are like a infection, slowly feeding off everything in your daily life until it consumes you and your conscience becomes unable to project a future where you can envision yourself living living differently. 

Imagine you're looking at a glass of water falling down the floor, but you're too far away to catch it. It breaks, now imagine you're in a loop until you can catch it. 

Soon enough you'll realise how meaningless it is, and the hell that you're going through is endless.

 Stop existing is what I’d like to tell these thoughts, but if they aren’t gone, might as well be me.

Regardless of your background/problems, I never wish onto someone to try and grasp the meaning of their life, because as soon you open that door, it never closes.",10.002087912087912,8.200150564102568,8.910402930402936,70.8726923076923,59.38461538461538,11.478388278388278,41.51648351648352,9.957137785484203,4.196171428571428,672,30,114,10,7,209,102,156,0.108,0.8440000000000001,0.048,-0.8907,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,8,2,0,7,4,1,0,7,0,11,5,0,1,3,23,19,11,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,1,0,15,5,2,1,7,0,0,5,4,1,1,0,4,3,12,3,20,12,2,28,1,0,1,0,13,12,1,2,12,81,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423178071730438,0.0,0.0,0.1065573832106779,0.19305454369302102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826303821951488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061669597144936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703034185321994,0.15710033353445155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678368702705024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934373124944974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469349639817645,0.17079838471803072,0.0,0.3087058866437382,0.0,0.14678925062795745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041009843565893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854367874424632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044531216490936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846560185718167,0.16726144571569584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390091835070851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459762242797966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481087593478219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614189653534107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527842318321605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775457602932326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867875676855184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716755792355674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010131195232672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,methmatical_,2019/01/06,"2019 started awfully I’ve spent as long as I can imagine, just chasing something that apparently other people feel. Knowing that there is this beautiful feeling that is to be felt and it never experiencing it, sucks. It almost feels like everyone is lying to you for the sake of keeping on. 
I remember my godmother telling me last summer, that all she wanted was for me to be ok. I didn’t know how to process it. I don’t even feel like I had a choice of being ok, I just wasn’t. A small part of me also feels like I was suppose to feel this way. 
If there’s any way you guys know how to feel better, even for a short while. It would be very helpful. Even post something to make me smile. Anything helps. ",3.2675032010243257,4.681294380281692,4.402291933418695,86.49283610755445,73.50704225352112,7.135467349551858,26.993597951344427,7.686295010490155,1.4388225352112674,550,20,114,7,11,180,87,142,0.023,0.7709999999999999,0.206,0.9719,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,10,7,1,0,4,3,15,0,0,3,2,26,32,8,0,3,3,0,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,1,13,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,7,9,15,6,16,20,2,12,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,2,9,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318106834093736,0.0,0.0,0.11434684572141315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723622776223732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766631681594575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264605957630247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28332517427433723,0.0,0.0,0.1366304372595319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060905206836571,0.3064503426414059,0.13729017565851315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157984994506032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168266846448195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709363050525724,0.0,0.0,0.23574614619622294,0.11655368643595758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956903154535828,0.0,0.0,0.12653920957286252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095445094310635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028057586978073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484124901853527,0.0,0.09912934979003443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694225245639152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197667142369293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201571291435987,0.0,0.0,0.10120710579807612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497715187539958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797944943781477,0.08433757996928044,0.22699323429109236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015740341714406,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lykaeria,2019/01/06,"My life is a fucking mess My eating disorder and mental illnesses have consumed everything. I can’t have normal relationships with people because I constantly feel like they think I’m fat, disgusting, and annoying. I’m a burden to others because of all the messes I make and my stupid mood swings. I manipulate everyone around me bc I’m so damn vain and I have such little confidence in myself that I created a fake, unattainable image of myself that I now hang onto for dear life because fuck!! I don’t even know who I am outside of what I pretend to be for other people!! And because the only things I can bring myself to care about is food and if I can lose weight, my entire mood and productivity is centered around how much I’ve eaten that day and if I gained any weight— and if I eat over 800 calories? Boo fucking hoo, the day is now over. Just last year I was effortlessly cruising through all my classes with 90s, but even though my classes this year aren’t any more difficult, I’ve gone from 90s to 70s to 60s in just a couple months because I couldn’t bring myself to do anything once the holiday season started. I deadass spend all my time crying because all the food was absolute hell and I’ve gained over 5 pounds and I can’t stand it at all. I don’t know where I’m going with this post and I don’t know if I want advice either. I just can’t vent this to anyone because I’ve pushed everyone away (I just love being extremely manipulative and having attachment issues!!) and I don’t know what to do. I know this comes from a place of extreme privilege because I literally have everything I just ruined my life for myself and I hate that I’m the one living this life and not someone who’s actually passionate things other than the number on the scale. And honestly my life isn’t that bad but god I have such a fragile sense of self that if I lose this image (which was that effortless, thin, charismatic honors student) there isn’t a me under it. My life has been spent trying to become someone other people liked and the only fucking thing I have if this image collapses is a depressed, suicidal maniac who’s only focus in life is to lose more weight and hopefully die because of it",5.965352638123997,6.227162565819866,6.711004618937642,76.6103299875644,66.52886836027713,9.617658553917217,30.972552851305732,9.466822959209583,2.727190513412684,1753,62,327,32,26,580,203,433,0.18,0.7020000000000001,0.118,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,6,20,35,11,0,17,0,36,22,1,4,5,60,66,30,2,10,15,0,5,2,0,0,9,0,0,1,30,25,8,0,7,3,2,8,12,23,0,1,7,5,49,10,40,56,9,40,1,5,0,6,7,18,6,7,14,226,79,3,0.0,0.0,0.07270140248871781,0.0,0.0,0.0728006872161331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132531743038456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209223914728732,0.0,0.06130727804143669,0.13264186212435836,0.0,0.0,0.06999534607790417,0.0,0.06220451582761595,0.4087314156961609,0.08227956573743146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595787109258427,0.0,0.0,0.06417528505950809,0.0,0.08050819865898863,0.0,0.0,0.08243300220749619,0.08183491974189153,0.09609287079894807,0.0,0.06416687255714128,0.0,0.0773193966897271,0.0,0.08538362965455984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246451087302684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841329677234864,0.0,0.0,0.14237617752743398,0.13391186732154184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766951580328522,0.053222924142904686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801717612991969,0.0,0.0,0.2754967636373317,0.0,0.0,0.042340153769902265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355347720943389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399546181051843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775880391719553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471667852996556,0.06072756804532981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683516287469708,0.07279402315234057,0.07466872513372846,0.06578499994805809,0.0,0.0,0.2500398442009477,0.0,0.0,0.06723929670439366,0.0,0.049729430587567056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507863153593604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946531130014075,0.0,0.05476618450500247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299433199651591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934023145426991,0.050483231708158965,0.16998217023857445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549470768040789,0.0,0.0778368032682631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135055276776432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998528334873492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771990739127525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624747564010916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273159169787922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149107544724063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848377369453022,0.04773668981669324,0.0731960220011218,0.0,0.04344163829100807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058071352468098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394212043372032,0.0,0.0,0.2721633474518901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959513118139114
suicidewatch,Katza15,2019/01/06,"I think I’ll live.... For now....

I’ll wait until I’m old enough to drink so I die of liver damage or OD",-3.1333333333333333,-1.7117246000000002,0.8760000000000012,103.62466666666668,95.0,3.333333333333334,8.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.359266666666666,75,0,22,0,3,28,20,25,0.313,0.687,0.0,-0.8478,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467897992371518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217249425636136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448203517631713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38013833757078497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517360848703929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758462555655236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiquidSnake1993,2019/01/06,"I want to end this I broke up with my girlfriend last year over some dumb shit. I didn't treat her right and I feel like a failure and loser. I am 25 stuck at home, no future and now developed an addiction to porn. I want to prove myself wrong and achieve success but every time I think about how I lost/let her go, I get angry at myself knowing I will not get anyone else better or even close to her. I have to accept that she is gone and its my fault but it is very difficult. I just want this to end.

Don't feel sorry for me because I did some evil shit and I deserve all this. I just want to go. I want to win badly but I want to move on and it is extremely difficult.",-0.6636225266362246,1.4128383150684949,1.5555251141552515,98.35701674277016,90.5068493150685,4.614307458143075,16.330289193302892,6.139981653823899,-0.5673838660578387,518,12,124,5,18,173,89,146,0.282,0.5670000000000001,0.152,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,5,6,17,4,0,2,0,9,4,2,1,2,32,25,12,0,6,7,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,11,0,0,4,2,26,6,17,20,3,18,0,2,0,1,5,7,3,3,8,82,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063195244567214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944373764963752,0.16037516272359392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068923168404142,0.09541428512377342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843088304026302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075394609827742,0.0,0.2772638546406147,0.0,0.0,0.10338122539458668,0.0,0.13187643443891606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828433073521697,0.11181926218170543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355244395417234,0.0,0.17790998264200364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570042074225693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602033172039393,0.12758622270894812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005422674586578,0.0,0.07646868422972439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708621214627993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635798744991573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336688301019216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32133492060657604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521342976664084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029290047963624,0.0,0.0,0.0912691668090662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914694310696906,0.5539239601798495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711321043113495,0.0,0.10079495879999174
suicidewatch,snoopysloth,2019/01/06,"I brush by the idea of killing myself often. Honestly I don't even know where to begin in typing this. I just really need to talk to somebody about how i'm feeling. I try to tell people how I feel, but it's just too difficult to actually commit to reaching out for help. I feel ashamed about wanting to die. I feel ungrateful. I don't live a horrible life, yet I struggle to cope with my problems. I know for a fact i'm not going anywhere in life. I'm not a very attractive person, i'm not very smart, I have no talent at all. The only way I can envision being successful is being dead. I don't want to be here anymore. My motivation has been on the decline in the past year, and it has reached an all time low. All of my friends are assholes who constantly make me feel like a piece of shit, and i'm convinced even my girlfriend doesn't like me anymore. I hate myself. A lot. I rarely can bring myself to look at my reflection in the mirror, and when I do, all I see is a disgusting failure. I've been pretty close to putting an end to all of it a few times, but I can't even do that right. Maybe I just need a new outlook on life? I need a solution and fast, because otherwise I won't be able to do it any longer, and with no doubt will kill myself. I'm on clinical depression medication and go to a therapist, but it doesn't seem to be working. This is my last call for help. Last of any effort I will put forth.",2.712827943868213,3.6993171040268464,4.5021232458816325,86.91052471018915,74.26845637583892,7.968517388651618,26.968273337400852,8.438071523408619,1.6870147651006713,1099,40,244,19,22,374,155,298,0.245,0.602,0.154,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,4,16,21,5,3,17,0,28,6,1,4,7,49,55,12,4,6,9,0,5,2,2,3,5,0,0,1,9,10,0,0,11,0,0,5,12,12,0,0,2,8,34,9,38,45,8,33,0,2,2,0,9,14,1,4,15,162,43,4,0.113086848528358,0.0,0.11035645118965967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538058698251147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430353279490992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893669322870764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547431621510462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220670842019675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740153692969232,0.0,0.11736629466161877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016138184116984,0.0,0.0,0.22407839071653216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28590054247773794,0.08078926718447971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737061864895262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853972421222573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164985047918836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515994616001976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766128701000393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502276853721612,0.0,0.1242991489491956,0.18436175010244613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396297564730415,0.11049704390719116,0.0,0.09985775909764943,0.0,0.09496447111322608,0.0,0.0,0.096142394594837,0.0,0.0,0.07548634952644913,0.0,0.1136109392522798,0.0,0.0,0.11392310255244995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515573957965683,0.0,0.10921998299744466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600764419437769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795419296394967,0.07840018180742045,0.09874307417187284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150499804092584,0.0,0.1082088413291442,0.0,0.2273670351363007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244633092151873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657555074717508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011557687346516,0.10295001965522103,0.0,0.0,0.11608202491267905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822292786907708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089492519340643,0.09884289011840114,0.0,0.0,0.13130254730951246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188370159446236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677854693505871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661698689753575,0.13340310648247927,0.08976307660228951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232857258651015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282422275429254
suicidewatch,LandoKelEl,2019/01/06,"Hi, folks I don't know the rules I just know I'm I'm unwell. I know I'm unwell, and have reached out to a few friends. It's a problem to them when I text them at 3am scared something will happen, but i'm not willing to address it in the light of day. 

First step, yeah?

I guess so. And I'll admit it them but the few times I've admitted I might end my life my relationship with that person changes. I'm an alien to them. Or, like, something deserving of pity and coddling. It's, I don't know, kind of insulting to be treated like a child when I'm perfectly aware, perfectly around, just want to die.

I have Crohn's disease. It's fucking awful. I am sick all the fucking time. Had 2 ft of my small intestine removed, can't eat most foods, am on meds that make me sick. Am to skinny to be attractive. Am too sick to have a personality. I shouldn't be alive.

I dunno, guys. The fact that my main ambition is to apologize to my friends for being honest with how I'm feeling isn't how I should feel but it is. It's just so much more of a burden to keep me alive with drugs and hospital visits that I'm sick of burdening everyone. I dunno. This won't be the night but it's getting harder by the day. I have no friends left.",0.10540229885057427,2.178307969348662,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,86.16475095785441,5.745593869731801,21.260536398467433,7.0983637204850245,0.5016007662835258,944,32,220,14,29,319,133,261,0.192,0.638,0.17,-0.8882,0,0,3,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,4,3,11,19,3,1,13,2,26,12,2,3,4,43,50,15,1,4,9,0,2,2,3,6,6,0,1,4,13,9,3,1,8,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,1,3,25,11,28,38,7,19,0,1,0,2,18,7,2,6,11,134,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881935029214353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308015381517742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664727689696947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018236757280956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678134498702008,0.14807074417320026,0.0,0.0,0.12816689414657226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827313935752433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633577888251645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308716579386313,0.17497951898318154,0.0,0.33539935130861165,0.2675574176279001,0.0756031066467652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159410382702264,0.1432820586271304,0.12796336654129056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862167196995586,0.0,0.15068941804684172,0.3181073498195759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572238961921977,0.0,0.10221038976529387,0.1413924475644665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965926267332192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073615717592593,0.0,0.0,0.1535105925519546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637583328406099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579712710586966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527040442625296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846445463729712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553604882937613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448763222424705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280406920458395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875889800242153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535156720619444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,curiouscog,2019/01/06,"Would people see this as suicide? I mean if you deliberately infected yourself with a potentially fatal disease say... tetanus, and let it get worse and not seek any medical treatment. Is it still considered as suicide? ",7.140990990990992,9.76924832432433,7.3983783783783785,63.98693693693693,65.75675675675676,10.33873873873874,42.06306306306306,10.504223727775694,5.448484684684685,176,11,25,5,3,57,33,37,0.39,0.61,0.0,-0.9646,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,6,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084215769832671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662076887851785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28696940529132103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056949622091051,0.0,0.2827113260048961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455772236887786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317307457973987,0.0,0.0,0.22363062154021005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411633585606244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6139406444867433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859921407468673,0.199355819261116,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PsychdelicPerson,2019/01/06,"Suicidal Feelings I feel like killing myself, have been since I was 11. I dont want to kill myself, I just want my life to end. Can you be suicidal without actually trying? Just the feeling of wanting to die or killing yourself",1.504848484848484,4.218502818181818,3.0927272727272737,85.95075757575759,89.0,5.660606060606061,30.06060606060606,7.1686216300943375,2.165678787878788,180,10,33,3,6,59,34,44,0.397,0.476,0.127,-0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,12,1,6,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,8,1,5,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.18201730401028796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357904595238173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186008793666635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520198404479855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282931421204052,0.13325043028625114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6190725805675821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174509136429993,0.09112459587218888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542918562090828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40804675965109577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663531645222198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300442365640345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979930545584072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InternetIntroverts,2019/01/06,Are places like The Trevor Project free and secure to call? Especially when you are feeling so stressed and down on yourself?,5.90727272727273,8.77057063636364,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,69.9090909090909,6.218181818181819,33.72727272727273,7.1686216300943375,2.1160181818181827,102,5,18,1,2,28,20,22,0.103,0.563,0.333,0.7135,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,11,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143794548361235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547083541990517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461041167808603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263057842343074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770376208954889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TwiceForth,2019/01/06,"In lack of ways to coping mechanisms I'll try not to make this a wall of text. 
tl;dr I'm looking for coping mechanisms that don't rely on other people.

Basically I grew up with very abusive parents. My mother way neglectful and emotionally manipulative while my step dad was physically abusive. So for as long as I can remember, I have had suicidal thoughts.

I ran away as a teen and into a pretty shitty but cheap highschool. There I met my friend we will name ""Ryan"" who had a chemical imbalance in his head that made him depressed and thus he was also suicidal. We quickly began a support network for one another, always checking in on the other or talking when we were low. It worked well for years.

Fast forward to last year, I'm 24 and doing alright for myself. Ryan is too. Much better than me actually with his manager position and working on buying a house. He was pretty proud of himself which was rare. His doctors want to switch his meds to something else with a lower dosage. Only during that time he fell into a spiral where he committed suicide. He left a note too, mainly apologising to his family and me for ""letting us down with this.""
Still pretty gut wrenching honestly.

That was a year ago and I'm having a tough time with myself. Only Ive not got much of a support network to fall back onto. What few friends I have aren't really the most emotionally mature people. 

I have got a girlfriend who is very caring, however anything to do with my depression and suicidal thoughts has been too much for her emotionally to talk about. I'd rather not bring her to tears trying to talk about it because then I'll need to comfort her during a time when I need the support.

I'm not financially secure enough right now to see a specialist and everything I find online has been geared towards friends of suicidal people or telling me to talk to someone. Which is a good thing and all, but it doesn't help me for shit.
I'm not cutting people out which I know is something to be wary of. But I need something to help me going until I can build a support network or get a way to talk to a professional.

I'm kind of hoping someone here might know some ways to manage things better. Whether it's something that you know someone else does or something that helps you.
No matter how big, small, silly, serious, or whatever. The more I know of the better.
What coping mechanisms are there that aren't other people?",4.476075268817205,6.1866623225806485,5.485349462365594,78.74135752688173,70.93548387096773,8.091397849462366,29.26075268817204,8.680891452615391,2.4072688172043004,1920,76,343,34,36,632,236,465,0.141,0.685,0.174,0.9371,3,0,5,0,0,1,46.0,4,2,0,6,20,29,2,0,24,1,34,4,3,5,2,64,68,30,5,7,15,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,25,22,0,2,8,0,3,8,10,8,1,1,18,2,41,21,63,46,11,53,0,4,2,0,41,22,1,9,21,243,66,7,0.0,0.1553612971889433,0.06397938349885274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058117056006911534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243017726733016,0.05455311653100806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874782690267799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053952217134911135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615979738568057,0.05041339028477178,0.0,0.03996619214985698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395367781306276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668451721429037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293748969677557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710583010456073,0.05737404298617117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953783969217737,0.2212464142610624,0.0,0.06774342011003784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058923201074023136,0.0,0.061806336490397865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059922788319493166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195989695608644,0.0,0.03425361513305787,0.0,0.037260587041155833,0.05499057774974772,0.10487238037564584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672858725678439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183515762847567,0.0,0.0,0.0651181939589755,0.0,0.07565013441014308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827308505346759,0.14412538340027295,0.05344205520007367,0.0,0.0,0.0712336710586457,0.06704193163763729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802060517993474,0.05505585084171419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062036668565999986,0.04376336909367432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282497651313696,0.0,0.0,0.06955127890035319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445875843354563,0.1458409265986742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044426736364803626,0.09972622338657744,0.0,0.0,0.07279921653601043,0.0,0.0,0.22726334727890954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001014006554737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200091194620568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426934728577274,0.055989877630691534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052244694259867615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729879684557638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666522663230757,0.2523654508098032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052358167073897184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35857277777977165,0.2975974526297621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634826153957269,0.057304372375583376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711340703533613,0.0,0.0,0.10409834449787736,0.1146897779504392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902504649049571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886341901676715,0.0,0.0,0.10819158865119936,0.03867036506507632,0.20816132596017695,0.0,0.0,0.05894841474548524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954603244602888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266599865809928
suicidewatch,Infantry11b73,2019/01/06,"If you think about it, pursue help first plenty of free resources. To summarize my story up until I was 14 I was a pretty normal child.

At 14-15 an abusive step father came into my life, I practically felt as if I lost my mom in the process. The closest things I had to parents were my grandparents which I’ll explain later.

I found myself throughout high school just living with my grandparents, I wanted out of my life and I figured joining the Army was a decent free way to do so, the day I turned 18 I enlisted and left shortly after graduating high school.

My basic graduation my mom was nowhere to be found but my grandparents were and they were always there for me.

Fast forward nearly a year and I get deployed for 9 months. I lost my grandma during that deployment and shortly after my grandfather had a unbeatable cancer. 

6 months go by and I’m deployed yet again, this time I’ve seen plenty of action, One particular mission stuck with me. We were doing a night patrol hunting down potential terrorist activities. Meanwhile I we were walking and I was shooting out street lights with a pellet gun. “This is a way to make us more lethal, we have night vision they don’t and it’s also fairly silent.” We started receiving hostile PKM fire from a set of 2 houses. We suppressed the fire and closed in. Our Platoon leader a 2nd LT asked for volunteers with him to clear this house. So me having nothing to live for volunteered along with 3 other guys. I won’t go into detail what happened but bullets were not used for everyone.


It was the moment lower enlisted were pulling bodies out of the house and a nco was asking for details for paper work I realized what I have done. Also one of my buddies were pulled from that house KIA At the time the situation was a blur, we were doing mission after mission until we went back state side. Shortly after getting back I started my ETS. During this period I have started seeing my now wife.


I wanted nothing to do with anyone ever knowing I was a veteran after that one mission. I started questioning why I was there, why were we there as a whole. The more I watched the news seeing everything we have done was for the bigger picture of nothing. I started questioning everything as a whole. Why did my battlebuddy have to come home in a casket, how did our CO have to explain to their family for what and how he died. 

As I left the military jobless and clueless and filled with hate, I started contracting. The money was good, also I was supporting my fiancé quite well, and now I was somehow engaged to a pregnant woman holding my child. I did a one year contract through blackwater to go and punish and crack skulls of every last person that killed my friend. At this rate I was suicidal, and didn’t realize it I would go down firing at every last jihadi if the situation arose. In one year I’ve seen more action than 2 deployments. I wasn’t fulfilled the gap of losing a good friend wasn’t filled. 

My son was born and I missed it, but my wife was ok with it because we needed the money at the time, she had a decent job and I was making 300 dollars a day “living the American Dream and being able to provide for my wife is what kept me going.”. If it wasn’t for my wife, nor son I would be dead, either KIA or another veteran put on the astounding suicide rate. Before you think you have nothing left there will be someone there for you whether it be now or in the future. My wife stuck through the dark times of my life to help me be who I am today. She was there when I was getting counseling nearly everyday, she was there when I would start having an embarrassing PTSD episode. 

Throughout the counseling process I realized there was no medication that could help my depression, there was no medication that would cure my PTSD. The more I fully opened up to psychiatrist and counselors the more they looked at me as a sociopath or psychopath they’d often choke up on stuff I told them when trying to respond. The person I needed was the one driving me to these sessions.


Time healed, I’m now a firm believer that people need people and my wife and child were put into my life for a reason. I’m still a corky person but I’m not as bad as I used to be. 

I’m now educated and have a pretty good job. I can’t repay my wife for everything she has done for me nor my son. 

Take your depression day by day. If you can make it through today, you can make it through tomorrow. Keep that mindset. Get the help you need, there’s no right one way to fix mental issues. You’ll know when your process works because it’s like the foggy cloud in your brain uplifts and you wonder why the fuck you felt like that for so long. At least that’s how I felt and many others in the same boat.
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suicidewatch,Spicy-Froggo,2019/01/06,"Being suicidal has perks One day during math class I was practicing tying a noose on my shoelace. There were three people in a row at each table and I was in the middle. At the time I was in grade 7 and the rest of the class was grade 8, because I’m good at math. The two kids sitting at my table were popular and they saw me tying a noose and asked me to show them how, and I did because I’m socially awkward, and we kind of became friends because of that. One of the people who I taught how to tie a noose decided to show his other very popular friend, who I didn’t realize was as popular as he was until later. I then showed him my noose and how to tie it. Later, he called me over as I was walking to lunch, I have lunch in the middle of math, and he made me show my noose to some of the other popular 8 graders. At this point I was known as the noose kid to some 8 graders and I had never been even remotely close to popular. Then they offered me a spot at here table, which I took because 1, Friends and 2. It was hard to always find a table to sit alone at.  Am I popular now? Also this happened within a week and it has kept up for a couple of months now. ",3.81843373493976,3.574847791164661,5.3378152610441765,86.35949397590363,71.08835341365462,8.567710843373495,27.041767068273096,8.238735603445708,1.4951786345381528,896,26,205,12,15,305,118,249,0.038,0.843,0.119,0.9632,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,3,0,9,12,0,1,17,0,20,2,0,4,1,26,29,22,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,11,14,2,1,4,4,0,2,2,1,0,4,20,2,28,11,38,8,4,35,0,0,1,0,20,19,0,2,12,145,39,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755880320697638,0.0,0.13557777405916027,0.14106742515007106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584931528737298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133899713266575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311507860826927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758821563053693,0.0,0.10933661085530122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197684326341666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495271386079051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929489780383241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219864425641734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499200100195678,0.0,0.15187083936186171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654551981590524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604189394847806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532191403910082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075651456809098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297637863912545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350696515268713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026619607079745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282046940095588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854447250930186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885772922069257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883605897033768,0.0,0.0,0.1656119105522871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988484805671206,0.0,0.0,0.1359914487399672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotThatCuteTransGirl,2019/01/06,"I'm probably too young to be suicidal but here it goes anyway I'm 16, and I'm sure so many of you would tell me I have my whole life ahead of me and all that bullshit but I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'm mtf getting nowhere medically and my parents are holding hormones over my head on the basis that I have to get near impossible grades in order to even get the hormones I need to be happy, and I try so hard in school only to get barely passing grades to work towards a career I don't even want, as my parents are pressuring me into being a physician when I genuinely want to be a stay at home mom/wife (not like that's even possible as I'm pretty sure I'm completely unlovable)",6.644806949806949,4.650595256756759,7.724633204633207,77.33851351351352,66.02702702702703,10.889575289575289,34.65637065637065,9.606745405546679,2.982315444015444,550,20,118,9,7,189,89,148,0.104,0.757,0.139,0.8144,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,11,7,0,1,5,0,10,4,1,0,4,18,25,11,1,4,4,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,14,5,22,20,2,16,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,76,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579732720809935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29854577878434696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148727219151884,0.0,0.08562849801570102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038963964889713,0.13496956659529974,0.0,0.15462956070167186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113299730676402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064217631418834,0.07360911938262757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527544199132996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178287055834744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646136796185058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171893668832894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459034061834272,0.0,0.0,0.3345995360627569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985632809051562,0.0,0.1532842407988241,0.16244634876994285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652223142031696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248477470738464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059279392602085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648071102942405,0.0,0.42601041810753226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131691090396235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229416150018117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773661346687172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821623001941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968861272364502,0.0,0.0,0.10703072613878667,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seduce_my_anus,2019/01/06,"told my doc to go fuck himself he wouldn't even look me in the eye when i described my depression to him. just wrote a prescription after i filled out a questionaire, a ""quiz"" to see what kid of depression i've got. 

so i told him to fuck off.


and that was 14 months ago, i'm not any better. life still fucking sucks. people still don't like me because i'm an irritable piece of shit. i am good for nothing. my family doesn't like me. no friends. i am noone. 


so, this is the night i go bye bye. time for a nice sleep. the belt is calling my name in my closet. time to let gravity do its trick....

-

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suicidewatch,DustTheHusky,2019/01/06,When is the right time... Its been about three years since the thought popped into my head for having a way out.. I think I am ready now to take it I just don’t know when too,-0.19500000000000028,1.6642239736842157,0.5360526315789471,108.13986842105264,85.57894736842105,3.8,12.13157894736842,3.1291,-2.0431789473684208,133,1,36,0,4,40,34,38,0.0,0.928,0.07200000000000001,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,5,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42762819771294375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228993381508141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558377048204208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34467741198854285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132873316734053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669881638766852,0.0,0.3307929714194005,0.2429662234153373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307367849177151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26832468548957794
suicidewatch,Motosport97,2019/01/06,"good night. why try? 

why fight the years of alternate progress and evolution? 2 try 2 go against the grain? 

why did i ever think i was powerful enough? 

​

the truth is i’m not. 

i’ll never be who i want 2 be or needed 2 be. the truth is that i’m not needed here. and I never will be.

it’s time for me 2 go home. i give up. i’m tired of being here. 

​

i can’t adjust, and i never will.",-2.216260032102732,-0.4370631797752793,0.810634028892455,100.57351123595508,102.14606741573034,3.8911717495987164,14.2223113964687,5.773587663045528,-0.9320857142857144,303,7,76,3,14,105,51,89,0.08,0.752,0.168,0.8094,1,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,4,0,12,1,0,0,6,17,22,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,0,8,3,5,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33140953907492715,0.3716649929282255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802250911887095,0.0,0.0,0.1383382636094543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670897592699808,0.1738327189835247,0.12827443698290475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340605323444562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267984021268189,0.35385818990982204,0.0,0.0,0.14351893034014798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799443137601144,0.0,0.0,0.08917749971178437,0.1757760312555932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076653525611967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020489526805907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139995526584296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716649929282255,0.09848498374198697
suicidewatch,baylorwaco,2019/01/06,"I know the taste of gunmetal and the click of the gun. I was a lawyer. It’s something I wanted to be all of my life. But I was in a lifelong depression. Flight or fight level panic was my everyday.  It’s all I knew from a child.  My brother suicided. But I thought that I could power through it. I couldn’t. 

I was also being extorted and didn’t know where to turn. I was asked to contact that extortionist. I thought the only way to provide for my family was through the life insurance policy. I felt like such a burden. So I wrote notes to my family. I recorded a video for my kids. I loaded the gun, heard that unmistakable click, and put it in my mouth. But instead of pulling the trigger I did stupid things to avoid that extortionist. 

Then the worst actually happened. I was disbarred. I lost my dream house. I was in debt by hundreds of thousands and forfeited my rights to hundreds of thousands in revenue. All of my worst fears came true. My wife was humiliated. So were my friends and colleagues. 

It wasn’t over yet. I told people at my company. I thought I would certainly get fired. But I didn’t. They created a role for me that I never envisioned. That was about a year ago. 

This last 12 months I’ve made as much money as I’ve ever made. I can provide for my family. I come home at 5:00, never travel, and don’t work weekends. I work with people who know my struggle and care for me anyway. My family is closer. My life is much better. It wasn’t over yet for me, even when all the bad things happened. 

I’ve gone to therapy. I’ve gotten medication for anxiety and depression. I have a close spiritual walk with Christ. I didn’t get better all at once. But I did get better. I’m not any different from you. 

Being suicidal is awful. Waking up everyday devastated that you woke up is something I know. Although all our struggles and cures are unique, they are all possible. 

If you want someone to call, I’m here.  Your story doesn’t end tonight. ",1.1613275193798458,3.699411335917315,3.013289728682171,87.81900436046513,86.80361757105943,6.325775193798449,23.04958010335917,7.6454224807358475,1.3312928940568471,1525,58,306,30,48,507,189,387,0.17600000000000002,0.752,0.071,-0.9916,3,1,2,3,1,1,56.0,1,4,2,7,14,22,2,5,17,1,34,7,2,3,12,53,66,24,2,6,8,2,2,1,1,1,4,1,1,2,17,14,1,1,9,4,2,7,11,14,0,2,33,6,58,8,44,27,11,40,1,3,2,0,21,16,0,2,17,217,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0951462409084848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642814465107597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797096508817425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630355627497117,0.0,0.0745874725825291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114963108953104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140868877252362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586933107352528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955872077168032,0.11151438370364014,0.09940806716888573,0.0,0.0,0.08398788639036515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784606626577881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795375345374525,0.0,0.0,0.10186707521162032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635633770071464,0.0,0.0,0.06439803719572806,0.0881946151157753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36765847120059975,0.1097149588367532,0.0,0.0,0.09361559058042852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532849997151342,0.0,0.15281966811206704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724384095899628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978007636385963,0.0,0.0,0.11250227057089096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143344887072256,0.07947576829654715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066020635172608,0.047633728005627145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643310921596516,0.0,0.0,0.1845143072579405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822130780436936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782381963730697,0.0,0.14334789718424293,0.0,0.15039650419383965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383465128962803,0.0,0.0741533815764481,0.0,0.11439560970119166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518888121362102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991695322750608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801474434216588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326473457784861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261169881286659,0.1501210087787637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385699349113548,0.0,0.2132990349834835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150010516342783,0.0,0.1295497511677588,0.0,0.0,0.2322130729177881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316572736514032,0.0,0.0,0.10605234263515503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150164215185594,0.07739121020129781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419627781887525,0.0,0.0,0.06926142494163531,0.0,0.0,0.0627870049050863
suicidewatch,gmcclue,2019/01/06,"Shitty 2019 already 27 still living at home
Anxiety and paranoia at an all time high
Girlfriend of 10yrs left me yesterday
Little to no savings
Work 2 shitty part time jobs
Addiction to vices returning for coping
Constant ball of stress


Feel like I've been living for 27yrs and wasted the life I was given and feel like maybe the best thing to do is end it before I fuck up anymore.",10.570765765765767,7.552062472972974,9.497567567567568,70.90373873873877,59.405405405405396,12.02882882882883,38.18018018018018,9.725611199111238,3.617509909909909,309,10,55,4,3,97,59,74,0.247,0.652,0.102,-0.9026,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,7,8,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,3,4,10,5,3,13,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,9,30,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060204753199208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085485638669736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445722569268751,0.0,0.18742136489150654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081148046442112,0.0,0.19832706809198566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422458626145545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738374701619868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911119962373264,0.2700204412410109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471267991139658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996719915519201,0.18956637943133128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753747770898327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533168912589844,0.0,0.1334850012307844,0.1846560910344472,0.1894116344808254,0.3337527014735173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985984782270465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465127574299355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092288134312676,0.0,0.21648055475085207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555258451688706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039620198384333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758261630093555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,immadothis10,2019/01/06,"yo Fuck this place I'm not even welcome here, all I'm asking for y'all, don't kill yourself and I also won't do it, I won't fucking do it, I will try to live my whole life, so I'm just saying I'm a guy who only wanted to play videogames, and man I stayed in it a lot, and I hate it but the true story is, I did nofap for 2 weeks, got some books and instead of playing videogames I wanted to read books at night, so I got rid off xbox one and xbox 360 and there was fresh assin greed 3, and I gave it away to my mom and it was shared, so my best friend played the shit of that game, and I didn't even read that book, I relapsed, I jacked off to porn man, 

​

but like everyday I'm curious abouth death, like I just want to go to the sea man, and drown, like if I die, I won't be alive to see if they care, so why should I care if my parents will shed a tear, because I'm dead, but nah, I see some people here fighting so I will fight too, so my goal is don't take life surious and don't do suicide, I think all you want is attention sometimes, but I recommend the book of David goggins, he's book helped me for a few days, If I won't kill myself then I hope y'all won't kill yourself too, I'm doing it for y'all, yeah life shit, yeah life is bullshit, ",2.441782489202982,2.304657561837459,3.8427267373380483,95.51510698861408,74.08833922261483,6.995602669807616,23.49607381232823,6.139981653823899,0.19209477817039647,962,22,252,5,18,319,140,283,0.172,0.584,0.243,0.9682,1,0,0,0,3,2,37.0,0,4,1,2,17,25,11,0,8,2,25,9,2,0,3,36,51,27,8,10,11,2,0,3,1,9,4,1,0,4,11,11,0,0,2,13,1,1,10,11,0,1,7,3,34,14,20,34,8,13,0,0,2,3,23,6,4,8,8,145,45,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006909878256203,0.0,0.12203310615203307,0.13685614983083064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529259343286264,0.0,0.10581833366356697,0.0,0.0,0.0686573858095908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819683012859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966485053744476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263616822164003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689076740149207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878033552684228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701662339825908,0.20824676275877987,0.0,0.0,0.06400946305778167,0.0,0.1801588565961654,0.0,0.0,0.11152008094206614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119748425560604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549261674823549,0.0,0.0,0.1118656725940088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738207751967503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182118137877563,0.1650740226801899,0.0,0.09945317031240232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575285916973464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190932546321885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569436782002724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632009492978968,0.08565917124043787,0.0,0.0,0.1250607983269353,0.0,0.0,0.07808253163574377,0.0,0.11767297800598445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531827801043605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956683108717485,0.0,0.0,0.17950092002030674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23122340213062026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139262473664266,0.0,0.0,0.12004716593614333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231974737674905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468273557817745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216789763986399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646746706186511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657252073167713,0.0,0.09034391746835332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162984746402264,0.12574587678943533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685614983083064,0.0
suicidewatch,nopenonooo,2019/01/06,I only live for others I’m only alive because my family and friends would be sad if I died. If I had nobody I would end my life. How can I find meaning to life so I could live life for myself? Thank you,-1.3520000000000003,0.6377088000000022,1.495000000000001,97.7025,94.33333333333334,3.888888888888889,14.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.0149999999999997,156,3,37,1,6,54,31,45,0.14,0.6890000000000001,0.171,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,9,9,5,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,2,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923897042272004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236988287476366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370575272126343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230688520861145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153282611026526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876613211435704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647198344016554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840063979172524,0.0,0.0,0.4033872503674593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488096579084645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474380700675013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102927960740679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245173085874464,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wanttomaster479,2019/01/06,"I can't take this anymore. I feel like if I don't tell me friend/crush about these thoughts I've been having, it's going to be on my mind forever. At the same time, I feel like if I tell them and they hate me, I'm going to want to literally d*e. Here is everything I want to tell them: Just something I have to get off of my chest. First and foremost, I really appreciate our friendship. I really like you. When *blank* said that stuff at his house during his brother’s party that one time, about how you don’t care who is giving you head while drunk, I was honestly thinking about asking you but then felt guilty after thinking it. It’s just every now and then I get those kinds of thoughts, but don’t want to have them because I appreciate our friendship. I guess it’s just an intrusive what-if thought that sometimes pops in my head. Basically, if we were drunk, would you be willing to let me please you orally. Sorry, I just really need to get that off of my chest. Regardless of your answer, I’d completely respect it. I hope me asking this doesn’t change anything between us.	

Does this make me a bad person for wanting to ask them this? I literally feel so anxious, I've been contemplating on sending them/telling them about this all day and it's tearing me apart. 
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suicidewatch,hudozhnik,2019/01/06,"I’ve thought about it seriously for a year I’ve been considering just ending it for maybe a year now. I think about it all the time, especially when little things frustrate me totally disproportionately. Why do I have to get so emotional about every little thing? My son was diagnosed with brain cancer this year and another son was born prematurely. They’re the only things keeping me going, I don’t want them to grow up like I did. I hate talking myself out of it every day, it’s getting tiring. ",6.268666666666667,7.025899884210531,7.229210526315789,71.4336403508772,65.94736842105263,10.12280701754386,30.570175438596486,10.125756701596842,3.0385438596491223,399,14,72,9,6,134,69,95,0.133,0.805,0.063,-0.8227,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,2,0,4,0,7,4,1,0,2,10,15,3,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,0,10,1,11,10,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,10,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170114422074508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408591487504105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790281244331215,0.0,0.0,0.18555693571712134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056462130244221,0.16192293328068916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080649531130018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103024809787653,0.0,0.1038999702527033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804954260576062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249748850919504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931588771743189,0.3664643431558125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366576217643432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904171224993167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694259041857166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643694766370337,0.11714271702628255,0.0,0.14513747307226552,0.10660294128107163,0.2101229794412328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783109175077484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496526644453735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531873725831865
suicidewatch,politicker123,2019/01/06,"Don’t watch Bird Box if you’re on the edge. I’ve been going through a really rough time and I have suicidal thoughts ever day. I was on the bus today going back to college from Christmas break. Unfortunately, I had to sit next to a guy who was a real asshole (Juuling on the bus, talking about his weed stash, etc.,) and he put on Bird Box on Netflix on his laptop. Extremely graphic depictions of suicide. I’ve been in a really dark place for the last several hours. ",4.856129032258064,5.430398,6.188333333333336,78.30250000000002,69.0,9.640860215053763,31.62903225806452,9.725611199111238,2.9414387096774184,366,15,72,8,6,124,66,93,0.126,0.8740000000000001,0.0,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,5,0,15,4,1,21,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,8,42,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649793352089128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837004406108322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23928522662059584,0.0,0.19407702679009084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24387278240244015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244290401667948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112931794200744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748907321904405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818137768569924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416401567058467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568675296725576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421024218389595,0.27489849390852034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24238576185369395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693760778075611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724509559128908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033248086070413,0.12510858202975508,0.0,0.2033727863506335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HiddenAI,2019/01/06,"I have nothing Never had friends.
No family. Zero contacts.
Been like this the past 7 years.
Nobody cares about me. I am unlovable to the core.
It's likely my life will never improve.
Most people don't like me as I am cringy, annoying and weird.

I think it's time I committed suicide, but I don't know how to do it properly. I am too lethargic to take the first step.

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suicidewatch,RedSaucin,2019/01/06,What happens after death I'm generally curious what is your beliefs? What would happen if you committed Suicide?  ,6.374210526315789,9.865068789473684,7.367631578947371,59.16092105263158,71.63157894736842,10.115789473684213,41.078947368421055,10.125756701596842,5.971294736842108,93,6,11,3,2,31,17,19,0.32299999999999995,0.515,0.162,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8048186040511334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977633231165377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32326256933515546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coke551,2019/01/06,I’m going to take all of my sleep medication at the same time and kill myself. That’s how I’m going to die,0.6456000000000017,1.5885129599999992,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,79.4,6.6000000000000005,16.5,7.1686216300943375,-0.2389999999999999,84,1,21,1,2,31,21,25,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,4,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066151433127391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453254533818579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334564980591889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39468621553190136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920719615472959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29457658144175963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845532603315466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angel_in_black,2019/01/06,"So unwanted even Tinder hates me  For weeks I woke up each morning excited for the day, all because I had a beautiful girl keep telling me that I was amazing and the best thing to happen to her. I should’ve known she was too good to be true, because she eventually revealed she was moving to another state and she had this planned before she met me. Why she was looking to date someone here when she had that planned is beyond me, and I honestly don’t know if she even really liked me or not. Sadly, my questions will never be answered because she refuses to talk to me now. She’s dropped me like a bad habit, probably never to be thought of ever again.

So I tried to move on, the second the feelings she gave me went away, I wanted them back. I met someone else and dated her for awhile, but it wasn’t the same. I made the mistake of jumping back in too soon. It was unfair to use her to make me forget about what had just happened to me and I know I upset her when I ended things, and for that I’m truly sorry. Since then, I’ve done everything I can think of to cope with my sadness. I’ve sat and moped endlessly, I’ve talked to ppl about this, I’ve taken my frustrations out on other things, I took up meditation. All I want is to feel the way I felt when she was in my life, but that doesn’t appear to be happening anytime soon. I made my usual mistake of falling too hard too fast, which made it worse. I just thought I was finally being rewarded for all I’ve endured. At the time I thought this is the point where my life turns around, but in the end it was nothing but a temporary fling, it’s Christmas and I’m alone again while others I know or used to know are happily married or in love with someone.

Yeah, I’m upset, the first girl in over a decade to pay any attention to me treats me like her hero, then forgets me like I’m nothing. Still, I’m glad it happened! Why? Well, those few weeks were still the best weeks of my life and I’m grateful to have had them. I felt the way I’ve always wanted to feel, and that counts for something. Now I know how people feel when they’ve found someone special. Here’s hoping this isn’t the last time I experience these feelings, and I find someone who makes me feel the same way she made me feel, but won’t hurt me the way she did. Am I blowing this whole thing out of proportion calling it love? Maybe, but you’ll never know what we talked about and how she made me feel after all I’ve been through. I’ve accepted that she’s not coming back, and it’s possible there is someone out there who will make me happier and like me more than she did. I just wanted her to be my girlfriend, and start on the path to a happier life like so many I know have. God answered their prayers, why hasn’t he answered mine? Why do I have to suffer loneliness when I see slobs and jerks with beautiful girls? Would I have better luck if I didn’t pursue romance as actively as I am? Maybe. I just felt so good when she was giving me attention and sweet talked me, that I’m eager for that to happen again. But it’s been months and nothing. My family keeps asking me if I’m ok because they see I look sad, but I tell them I’m fine. I just don’t want them to know I feel this way because in their minds, Im so handsome and talented that girls will flock to me eventually, so it doesn’t matter if my love life currently sucks. I feel like I’m actively hurting my family, being around with no significant other for the holidays when my parents have each other and my sister is married. I have no one to turn to, except my priest.

I just want to feel ok again, but this girl left me in shambles, and I can’t get her out of my head. I keep thinking my life would be great if only she were here with me. But that'll never happen. And now I'm afraid nothing like this is ever going to happen to me again because I've been inexplicably banned from Tinder. There's no way for me to meet someone else. I know there are other dating apps, but Tinder was the only one I had limited success with. Now there's no way for me to experience the one good thing that happened to me again. Everything I need/want goes away. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's like the world wants me to feel unwanted and forgotten. If that's what the world wants then maybe I should just end it.",3.686542674410056,4.403269421524662,4.624834227743882,87.94987980592516,71.71300448430493,7.777431448945086,26.17003602146585,7.925487318751,1.2949573770491805,3372,103,738,43,61,1097,318,892,0.099,0.703,0.197,0.9986,2,1,1,0,0,0,86.0,1,1,7,10,64,57,4,3,27,3,70,10,1,13,11,164,169,65,0,22,30,2,16,9,1,9,6,0,0,5,51,39,0,6,41,1,1,9,21,16,1,5,46,21,131,41,93,106,15,101,1,6,4,3,64,28,1,13,64,505,182,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531352828399511,0.0,0.0,0.036404888671161616,0.0,0.0,0.029752631297615774,0.04587743366327588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789651231295913,0.040901899069691966,0.0,0.08221225562251841,0.10092698516003684,0.03653081127996104,0.1600236468615456,0.0,0.03722944293740242,0.0,0.09182934257117914,0.03869479067631339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044675339876154685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037688183826451366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028216203291687836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477314172641079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309780105792202,0.0,0.11625296229208375,0.0,0.0,0.05779512184923075,0.07915176842378005,0.0,0.0,0.07864234755603777,0.0855950438289565,0.08249034856977804,0.0,0.2654658661691049,0.031256196945897034,0.12602537360274885,0.047927808492391484,0.039988227554273184,0.037215142383828885,0.0,0.047971440465086855,0.0,0.0,0.022858438248802758,0.0419705820547471,0.024865078465029347,0.11009045797435928,0.0,0.04823636315626949,0.0,0.0,0.3095156103422536,0.0,0.03919289654208069,0.043195709494291315,0.044901828818194205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345527354420069,0.0,0.0,0.09367412073946543,0.0,0.047259304099997464,0.0,0.0,0.1166654656105509,0.0,0.0,0.2404476990051107,0.03566344498046965,0.0,0.0,0.04753631010345917,0.0,0.1854185617333488,0.19237367400390767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348075593259412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846275270331855,0.20699440804553132,0.08761372480844011,0.044357319409337084,0.13186327898118824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044176707654346566,0.0,0.03492216016646765,0.09300218795592001,0.03216250659711064,0.03244130390183398,0.13497591951696802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792360339138224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894177789811986,0.06655022280753023,0.0,0.0,0.04858104434482387,0.0,0.0,0.030331894428145368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135946352959291,0.04932342647161709,0.0,0.0,0.04717169286072855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901187584418154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028028435783678318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972882207777363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03619182793225633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259494495863673,0.03368216785912241,0.0,0.048976404972632934,0.030967652415228426,0.0,0.06988026952659544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032895805779278905,0.14066371844865427,0.07648176417265277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533330479315498,0.056068598352451586,0.0,0.1042018004638669,0.05102389332951316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048609707669158016,0.02970450739133597,0.09517849195257384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557477908926613,0.048186275847689176,0.0,0.23225278079949505,0.2430962365385652,0.1052848355247518,0.0,0.03933799959771422,0.04055823013349145,0.15791628367828794,0.048847169522430615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458668262967342,0.06215985250896289,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myr4nd0mstuff,2019/01/06,Cutting question What are some places to cut deep?,4.526666666666664,7.697708333333335,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,76.77777777777777,3.6,31.222222222222214,3.1291,0.9686888888888898,41,2,7,0,1,11,9,9,0.34,0.66,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6820531259183823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7313026277984808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,not-anonymous111,2019/01/06,"It’s just sad because the only thing I see in my future is eventually killing myself. I am just imagining doing it now. It sounds so nice, peaceful. I just want things to be quiet. Somewhere beautiful. 


I won’t kill myself today, and not tomorrow.
I know that killing myself means hurting my family. I’ve seen how suicides affect people. 


But I’m in so much pain. I’m 4 days clean from cutting. The mental and physical pain are so much sometimes.

Anytime I’m feeling something other than sadness or depression I know it will fade.
I feel like i see the world for what it is when I’m depressed. I’m more creative when I can think.


Idk I’m just kind of ranting.
You guys don’t need to send me to someone to talk. I’m okay. Today’s my first day of being on a new antidepressant so eventually I will get better.
I am seeing a psychologist though I think I need to talk more often to them.",0.9256119857795824,3.392359603351956,3.074801929913661,87.50955180294571,87.04469273743017,5.489182326053835,22.661503301168104,6.980632752743323,0.9475787709497204,695,26,137,10,22,235,111,179,0.201,0.6609999999999999,0.138,-0.9357,0,0,1,0,0,4,21.0,0,1,1,2,14,16,4,0,5,1,13,2,0,2,0,23,35,12,4,3,7,0,2,1,0,3,2,2,1,1,10,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,11,0,1,1,8,22,5,14,29,4,17,0,5,4,0,6,4,0,2,13,88,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000194148512924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160700349046844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927631051632328,0.0,0.2260715358701281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372024076686305,0.0,0.13271653976199574,0.09375700984780734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163163826385533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856684527897511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994702441318054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049382712581798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355887925321855,0.1366649926261817,0.1442508013532597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411663822933117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295750415632205,0.0,0.0,0.13225782141120976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295120599445206,0.19462378322384016,0.0,0.12675123043368794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981300517685728,0.2792946274801555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098444476545904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137409456533391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119819145100937,0.1010340237211034,0.12979850806977525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435539231685358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109695184389808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437842629789152,0.1681850206211225,0.12894143390455515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487980340431367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740803205731203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notsurefeelsbad,2019/01/06,"Tired of making others feel awkward When I'm down I guess I just look sad and make things super awkward constantly for my wife.  Feels like I am ruining everything and making the person I care about the most in the world feel uncomfortable around me is unbearable..

I think that bc I'm fucked in my head it's only going to be worse.  I want to disappear and not make her suffer anymore.",3.0244924812030045,5.225555171052633,4.1706015037594,84.49921052631579,76.23684210526315,7.5007518796992505,22.69924812030075,8.418075326091056,1.4653142857142862,307,9,59,6,7,100,57,76,0.258,0.589,0.153,-0.8151,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,2,3,0,3,3,1,4,0,17,19,4,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,4,10,3,9,18,1,9,0,3,1,1,3,5,1,2,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235203677832173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163812648826616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080315396109112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049386426215448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833772559075327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095050159872125,0.1457656289306423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188630931439088,0.0,0.0,0.11596016646358355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247721572197889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940306106816006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996832355424728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134152023283214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54479094057261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518098858612772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781591393364339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555456292019458,0.13074006598198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345130187676405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203475931605906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793335307859434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilsl0th,2019/01/06,"Walked in on a suicide attempt So when I was smaller coming home from elementary I found my dad. He was on the floor, rolling around, told me to get him tea. He was so incoherent. Had tried to OD. I didn’t know what was happening so I called my mom, she came home and that’s really all I remember. I didn’t think about this memory until I found some documents talking about it. It all clicked that it was an attempt many years later. It fucked me up. I have a question, who would let their young daughter find their dead body? He was attempting to die. My dad has had more attempts. Once with carbon monoxide in our garage. It could have easily harmed our pets. When you kill yourself, you think for a second about who will find you. What a selfish asshole.. I can’t forgive him. We’ve never talked about it. It makes me feel worse. ",0.8460000000000001,3.381639266666672,1.9240909090909104,94.62613636363638,89.66666666666666,5.181818181818182,20.227272727272727,6.7829847944221076,0.3700909090909086,649,21,137,9,22,204,107,165,0.18,0.794,0.026,-0.9828,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,2,3,2,4,10,5,2,0,6,0,18,3,1,1,3,23,31,7,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,14,5,1,0,11,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,14,2,25,1,17,13,4,17,0,0,1,1,25,7,1,2,7,92,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071428788993393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557823295864222,0.0,0.0,0.16140539416340569,0.18078801050339685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616183296365014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620466506910666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404992618504965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992407534882583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889431014150333,0.0,0.0,0.3466274360001641,0.0,0.14613158429147804,0.08258415595125942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977926420231654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171107600060676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487913984636946,0.0,0.08687019671520907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616355329540964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551180902060556,0.16025643326146247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512766736344072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191200756724666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683375669084476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770726571134689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126259224863653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906055564707796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290105050232932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540986032074205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256755163708146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104102213583578,0.0,0.10731799102635167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108508864690774,0.11228717591361137,0.0,0.0,0.10179079438240253
suicidewatch,lostinthedwoods2019,2019/01/06,"Recurring dream/nightmare I keep dreaming that everyone in my life is gathered at my house...for some reason my dr or somebody told my husband I was suicidal and he had contacted all these people to try and talk me out of it.

Instead, everyone expresses feelings of relief and throw a party celebrating my imminent suicide.

I am scared now because the only real thing keeping me here is my unwillingness to hurt others, but hey if this would be the reaction, then.....",5.254605042016807,7.495591435294116,6.359831932773107,71.09352941176473,69.94117647058823,9.563025210084033,35.67226890756302,9.957137785484203,4.2522268907563046,372,20,58,10,7,124,70,85,0.11,0.8190000000000001,0.071,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,1,1,15,11,7,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,11,1,7,6,2,7,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,3,3,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223674216830705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145662662578426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968485591839726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322249391576185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856295340959436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322202075775354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498282898633645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503899322994929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469105226957312,0.0,0.223037180288041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718186287046476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474566061095285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435777993195994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441167212320445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072831331289213,0.0,0.1472792563667759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409878259854187,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrWobbles91,2019/01/06,"I need some real help I'm terrified to open up like this, but I feel like I'm on the edge and slipping. In October I lost my part time job with the Boy's and Girl's Club. I loved and adored the kids I worked with and after 7 months was told I was being let go because they weren't seeing ""the growth they expected"". It really spurred my depression and anxiety to the point where I missed 2 straight weeks worth of college classes and ended failing the semester. This caused me to start creating these feelings that my girlfriend and love of my life was to good for me and has put a major strain on our relationship. Fast forward to today. I  was told by the Air National Guard unit that I have proudly been a part of for just over 10 years that I was being offered a ""Voluntary Separation"" because it was taking to long to get the medical paperwork for all of the medical treatment that I sought out after admitting myself to a hospital for a suicide attempt almost 2 years ago. I'm being forced out of what has been my identity for what feels like my whole life. I don't know what to do anymore and feel like my life is quickly losing any significant meaning. I need help.",9.060000000000002,6.4487596566523635,8.943351931330472,72.44301072961375,61.87553648068671,12.581802575107295,39.17982832618026,11.00357731598739,4.089987467811159,932,37,183,19,10,305,135,233,0.142,0.67,0.188,0.9058,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,2,6,3,15,0,1,14,0,19,7,0,1,1,32,42,10,1,3,2,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,0,3,12,14,0,1,7,1,1,4,2,6,0,0,12,5,26,9,31,26,6,31,0,5,1,2,16,14,0,2,19,120,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895045350783863,0.0,0.12307452591050436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358159896297945,0.0,0.09402422089097637,0.0,0.12189162835827215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149847052100867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626028837684922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586040971377868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088599343854108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485837453339703,0.26341632362942136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421431434148696,0.0,0.06985140223929172,0.10308933032981868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476517335624213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196714365720138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754697743801512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568167346765546,0.26044049200332586,0.24018640175298514,0.0,0.0,0.10876963978356674,0.0,0.1375025216649526,0.13416851147439693,0.0,0.2218583893629787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388275444230424,0.0,0.2476335937239358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098103927573913,0.0,0.0,0.18226932774019985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26619459590801114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618770990286925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235564050303941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989611870333488,0.07873795953700248,0.0,0.0,0.13195710697649415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794169774040212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699485699612658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444131357935815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241145829102118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166859541157558,0.0,0.11650233506140943,0.2348875655910155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858931816470112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722230120290693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947842816330047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829733905372873
suicidewatch,PM-ME-ANYTHING7,2019/01/06,"why do I even live i'm setting myself meaningless goals for my life that just don't have any sense

yet I'm still left standing in the same place as always, without making any progress or regress.

the only person that kind of keeps me from dying is my therapist because for some reason he cares enough to even call the police if he suspects that I'm going to kill myself.

still I'll be able to just leave because he's not there constantly, logically. my family doesn't care enough. no one does.

let's just see when my energy runs out so I can just die. I've got everything set up, I'm just trying to fool myself into living.

​",3.626015625000001,5.177412070312503,4.52075,85.44925000000002,72.828125,7.307500000000001,23.7375,7.908726449838941,1.1872693750000003,507,14,100,7,10,164,90,128,0.172,0.777,0.052000000000000005,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,13,5,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,0,18,19,5,3,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,1,1,10,3,14,16,4,16,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,5,60,13,1,0.14076221844415002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171254419717468,0.1525158048744029,0.17104150260222867,0.19144627096833694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161468371175592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437339631909842,0.0,0.2870329260277889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211395144388198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921779185136011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231819659403265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908899995312251,0.0,0.18594423544452268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650800553736094,0.0,0.13269809203251734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999841260840747,0.0,0.11258040496315974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511592738642108,0.15573253905071766,0.14658218943581014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904686487250104,0.15293856220426158,0.14393890529122447,0.09942451772046186,0.0,0.0,0.24859123553915055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395987384800968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953841221726026,0.10705601011526844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229081396935617,0.1470665585631463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472700447496242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121692635541294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248257789589367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343578486069693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556830644888857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270160079833383,0.0,0.0,0.13568975546868156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104150260222867,0.0
suicidewatch,Soontobereturned,2019/01/06,"Will things ever turn out I've trying to make things happen the last 2 months but the results haven't been great. Still no social life, working is a struggle mentally, and living healthier hasn't been going well. I don't know if this life thing is going to work out",4.123867924528302,5.596538320754718,4.4944811320754745,86.43908018867926,71.45283018867924,6.809433962264151,22.683962264150942,7.1686216300943375,0.7645509433962268,213,5,41,2,4,67,42,53,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,2,1,9,14,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,4,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,27,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961690626619612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465015871476331,0.0,0.0,0.23909717584388104,0.0,0.0,0.19177520720384494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918470218003832,0.17677595112362102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063598466565836,0.0,0.0,0.19149796887642134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476073509795884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185514244357371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310156329820306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106909760817267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319065947083698,0.0,0.0,0.2267169899077461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322313763937017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723879169939055,0.2358895565282905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498992029499035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157642345127056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fallen-summer,2019/01/06,the thoughts never leave me Today has been a sad day for me from the moment i woke up and i don't really know why i mean obviously i do know what im upset about but still i wish i was dead i wish i had killed myself in august like i planned. If i didn't wake up tomorrow that would be great ,1.3695454545454524,2.180859287878789,3.6822424242424248,92.17336363636366,77.33333333333334,7.098181818181819,19.26060606060605,7.554174236665415,0.17355515151515144,227,4,57,3,5,79,49,66,0.211,0.565,0.224,0.0062,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,3,0,9,1,1,0,2,12,16,3,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,13,2,6,8,0,10,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391466143581692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631212791934852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25779158574414685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640397085031484,0.0,0.2623203823903202,0.0,0.0,0.2527043544922025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659624002164967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599685187468441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840677565624342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289042113937545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059258104363824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189467787634907,0.0,0.0,0.2262198712793518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215351717294175,0.0,0.5488898263324429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953579039168173,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adovest,2019/01/06,"This will be my last week This will be my last week. I just can't take it anymore. I'll use this week to get everything in order, make sure people will know it won't be their fault, etc. But my depression has finally won over my life. I'm so tired of fighting it. 

I feel like a total shitbag since my sister is starting her first semester of college that following Monday, and I already scared my family bc my friend thought I attempted, (I convinced them it was a false alarm and that she misunderstoo) but either way I just can't handle living anymore. It hurts too bad. I have no one to go to, and I'm completely hopeless. Countless meds, 10 years of therapy, etc. 

Might as well do it. Hardly anyone will notice I'm gone, and the ones who do will get over it soon enough. ",2.0363461538461536,4.157533532051287,3.4429230769230763,88.90207692307692,79.06410256410257,6.724102564102565,23.220512820512823,7.793537801064563,1.1468928205128206,605,20,125,10,15,198,102,156,0.161,0.7609999999999999,0.078,-0.9478,0,0,0,0,2,3,21.0,0,0,2,3,6,14,1,2,3,0,18,2,0,2,2,17,34,8,0,0,5,1,2,1,1,7,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,8,1,3,4,2,18,6,10,20,5,19,0,3,0,0,8,3,0,1,12,83,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580438478936204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28406614877311875,0.10014086360615752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958046029788948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016061044522305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335284752513838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798175157072696,0.3194502865220704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871447129366398,0.0,0.13501252102657832,0.0,0.0724149682546948,0.10231446515950034,0.0,0.15688754779265288,0.0,0.12182055914950107,0.0,0.0,0.11064932792755378,0.0,0.1496502525790953,0.0,0.08139368998416945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829456682448387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331707787954307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870848064185174,0.2334824230368183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115861188118558,0.06996873683266902,0.0,0.1264634965777358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559865744302064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908213026454832,0.0,0.0,0.15193091903154962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630538411815541,0.0,0.0,0.19409549305764687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928884057973984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338549814899545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184708275431939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136993952251516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498060694354694,0.0,0.10768158327526584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378145993681578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369853580898748,0.0,0.16460721408863668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369376087964334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136792236605266,0.344640829297532,0.0,0.12876954916337338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222724331373996
suicidewatch,Doesntmatter1237,2019/01/06,"I thought I was getting better but now all I can think about is being gone The messed up thing about how I've been thinking lately is all the reasons that have kept me here so far are starting to seem so much less significant. There's a part of me that's realized, obviously if I wasn't here I wouldn't be worried about any of this. I wouldn't be thinking about how my family feels or what I missed out on or whatever - - I wouldn't think of feel anything anymore. You can only worry about those things when you're alive so maybe this is just a solution to that too. A fucked up part of me is saying if I just got it overwith without thinking, like ripping off a bandaid, everything would just be gone including whatever reasons for not doing it. Everything would just be totally gone just like that and none of the couple things keeping me here would be my problem anymore either.",7.266149425287359,6.4247691781609175,7.072988505747127,78.7875287356322,64.11494252873564,10.262068965517242,35.42528735632185,9.444778638647367,3.0744873563218396,703,28,138,11,9,223,98,174,0.139,0.79,0.07200000000000001,-0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,22,7,1,0,7,0,24,2,0,4,4,42,43,12,0,9,13,0,2,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,13,2,0,2,12,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,9,3,16,3,19,22,9,13,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,5,6,112,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136808111341896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664941643870252,0.0,0.0,0.11056522683546373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882877644719393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148664626435379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415047031831953,0.0,0.12666081167418727,0.0,0.13587093384760274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421185190855315,0.07019653553163391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745840616719833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942360793137427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515617322590741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312811127687757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349807198486909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876862594708267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218535118407816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909933494051685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285625080888288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762849047366928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684691383947582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231452228945253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509931909765218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677845542061953,0.4304560654600849,0.0,0.10666528350283908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951636530933444,0.0,0.0,0.2728942426815157,0.0,0.2863323107068618,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MageMin,2019/01/06,Going to the Grave Im out.,-4.472857142857143,-3.2279839999999957,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,103.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.5074571428571426,20,0,6,0,1,8,7,7,0.342,0.6579999999999999,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656256044873978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8849818057145273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idk5756,2019/01/06,"The tranny is signing off Thanks to my friends as well as people I've met here, I think I'm finally over my depression. Last week I began to wake up without a single thought of wanting to die or thinking about how sad I was. I'm making good progress with all my tranny shit. Everything is doing ok. I haven't actually felt alive in years and I just turned 18 a couple of days ago. Anybody who ever talked to me or left a comment on any of my posts, thanks a bunch. I've never felt so grateful to be alive. Everybody who is still in a jam here, best of luck. I hope that one day you can recover like I did. This is probably my last post here since i feel past everything. Goodbye and good luck everybody ",3.026426332288401,4.257526827586208,4.361943573667713,87.267868338558,73.82758620689657,7.755485893416928,26.97492163009405,8.296473431620573,1.6578965517241382,550,20,118,9,11,182,98,145,0.112,0.6409999999999999,0.247,0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,10,15,1,0,6,1,10,2,2,2,3,23,26,8,1,2,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,7,3,15,12,20,18,4,22,0,2,0,0,7,7,1,5,14,74,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.14324511844589807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011979978810229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982171319965984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404624562043562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241949619742502,0.0,0.1893338255962503,0.0,0.12642935273741038,0.0,0.15234405056634376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277926661023787,0.0,0.0,0.2638493982115743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422104757715776,0.0,0.2818813698372886,0.16080043159070467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340899858723708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246239691362835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579483103027516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23930563592454895,0.0,0.0,0.1594869329791966,0.0,0.0,0.07171380545395015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979829539859093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321290705439935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946818435434124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012693405006182,0.10176517283872363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28116702106220826,0.0,0.15826362209057535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067703998091642,0.12142557180529563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722607243073872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798362655830436,0.0,0.2702876110751751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811322898670305,0.0,0.11653425581920256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966453574187425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658009379212454,0.0,0.1177454698700585,0.0,0.13198115065560725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149958404535193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452745445974024
suicidewatch,destielbucky,2019/01/06,"I wish I could pay someone to kill me Nothing too fancy, not like a hitman. Just someone I could give $200 to and they'd run me over with their truck. ",3.5190909090909086,3.2527719696969686,4.4328787878787885,92.6693181818182,71.72727272727273,6.6000000000000005,25.59090909090909,3.1291,0.2883454545454547,117,3,28,0,2,38,27,33,0.242,0.6779999999999999,0.08,-0.6715,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,18,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037680075089974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026358347181283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490303460139617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541269160967812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027102400851676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346080143061274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627848384896841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway0967534,2019/01/06,"What’s the point of being born into this cruel world and wasting the entire life by working for the success of those 1% Im asking this myself everyday if this is the price i need to pay then i rather be dead than working 

I don’t see a difference if im buried under the earth or sit in a factory ",3.790937500000002,3.8481962187500014,5.584375000000001,83.52312500000002,71.1875,8.275,26.9375,8.07648339933343,1.5711375,234,7,50,3,4,81,49,64,0.194,0.7509999999999999,0.056,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,5,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,9,5,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,3,35,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777373246465425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103938940910652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418123844580461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984215259330707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028710545660896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808443375686001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367407985340455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325674360086707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redditisonlyfortroll,2019/01/06,Tempted to do it To just end this repetitive pointless life. Just to have something different and not feel fucking trapped and stuck in this hell,6.627307692307693,8.834877115384613,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,66.30769230769229,8.276923076923078,39.92307692307692,8.841846274778883,3.7636,119,7,20,2,2,34,21,26,0.267,0.645,0.08800000000000001,-0.7287,1,1,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173766341802933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43859854861756015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503870467333489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45780267917414397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497730744214336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812277032611173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myrina007,2019/01/06,"I am so fucking close to ending it I am so fucking close to slitting my throat.

I'm 26 years old, I live with my chain smoking grandparents who are mentally deteriorating and used to be abusive. I'm stuck here with them and it's their fault. I was never given love or help as a kid, I've been drifting in and out of psychosis and trauma since I was very young and I have been given no help whatsoever. I have no friends in my life I can trust and I can't even bring myself to get close to anyone good who DOES come in my life because I'm afraid of them hurting me. My anxiety is so fucking bad I used to not even be able to leave my goddamn room! It's been 7 long years and I'm so close to finally making it to therapy but I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of the memories that haunt me. I hate my family for never encouraging me when I was young, never teaching me anything or readying me for life. 

My grandfathers stupid little piece of shit dog attacked my feet, which hes done multiple times in the past, and I'm met with a ""what can we do?"" Nobody cares, nobody will care, nobody ever has. I just want out of this situation so bad. My life is fucking pile of flaming garbage and I've never accomplished anything. I just want someone to know the pain I'm in and how fucking tired I am. How badly I want to slit my throat and finally feel nothing",2.0991489361702134,3.720145599290781,3.8889539007092218,88.10875,77.04964539007092,6.827659574468084,24.870567375886523,7.6454224807358475,1.1651673758865249,1057,37,229,15,24,356,143,282,0.254,0.675,0.071,-0.996,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,3,1,17,24,9,1,5,0,24,18,4,5,5,44,56,25,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,1,8,0,1,1,10,22,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,17,0,0,11,1,38,7,30,42,1,33,0,1,0,6,14,13,6,2,17,145,48,2,0.09511633034157167,0.11269729791732455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276373236645754,0.0,0.0,0.0665075497396631,0.0,0.15654527086906894,0.0,0.0,0.10820855720282373,0.0,0.0,0.2382544884703193,0.05798203213836215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395487590869032,0.0,0.0,0.08193429641379803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323694165954842,0.09733702962396487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424483666006483,0.0,0.0,0.12564687825426374,0.08603816630663216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966721110941507,0.0,0.0480936745466523,0.0,0.0,0.20839058127938986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734866408756393,0.4396675735832759,0.04969435682171079,0.0,0.0,0.07977906512678326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390768421760848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750894252352352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182399887338826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227344764879168,0.0,0.0,0.10071446011781424,0.0,0.0,0.2687339081773024,0.0,0.09533155095882036,0.08398946230356166,0.08417495921592909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584620172274356,0.0,0.06349088909340864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585488938465277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934383107807482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126668426435333,0.0,0.09980858840451852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012104816833502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079929994814497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763554623722837,0.07868121136358501,0.10691474052194493,0.0,0.0,0.08059175803425513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877381321597307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546309712743699,0.32796668865059264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429994026300834,0.0,0.0784809339197548,0.1683062280438049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250359645716916
suicidewatch,seekerofstories,2019/01/06,"Should I kill myself? Hi I'm 20 and I want to die. I'm transgender male to female, I have depression and anxiety, I don't have a good job or any chance of getting one, I look like a freak, and I've barely had a relationship outside of my family. My family doesn't really approve of me being trans and probably won't help me transition in the future. Without any help things are just going to get worse for me and there's no one I can turn to. Everytime I beg for help and they act like there's nothing wrong with me. U just want to die",1.1044497607655472,3.006891964912281,3.5640988835725693,87.96854066985647,81.10526315789474,7.654226475279107,20.889952153110045,8.575989854853784,1.2528000000000006,420,12,93,10,11,146,72,114,0.284,0.619,0.098,-0.9754,1,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,14,19,7,3,3,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,1,1,15,3,13,15,0,4,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,3,57,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377221019016057,0.0,0.13371146099851425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054365684288384,0.0,0.36280230775441297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295469710300073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182637828981832,0.0,0.0993353941963581,0.14660291615435647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514678214140505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344897748347315,0.0,0.19337575148556094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078405109895428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467769318861468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771269555026685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368801846723964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844978558262804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197293108062224,0.0,0.0,0.18765566357016847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612061584114107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901179002998304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618762410874092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848828505970082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812273149089758,0.0,0.1911019807767289,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quietcranberry,2019/01/06,life will never pause i’m always going to be panicking about something. school and life in general will never slow down. i’ll never catch up. i can’t breathe anymore.,2.293125,5.122662062500002,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,84.625,5.7,23.625,7.1686216300943375,1.348225000000001,134,5,23,2,4,43,26,32,0.097,0.903,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,14,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25128161635371177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994950120110213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162906784010987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266118974221244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6987447660824697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30563212422619923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248826986914825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredandout2019,2019/01/06,"I'm just tired I've been unemployed since April. My health has declined greatly. I've already spoken to a bankruptcy lawyer. I gave up all my friends. I've written my last letters and it feels so close...I just want the pain to stop. I've been rejected by every interview I've had and I can't send out another one. I've really fucked up this time and I'm hoping it'll be my last. I'm pretty sure after so many mistakes and just a shitty existence there's just no more room for it. I was going to end it on Thanksgiving, but said nah. And instead bought some lottery tickets. The drawing was yesterday and surprise, I didn't win...I was just try to delay the inevitable...a part of me wants an excuse but there doesn't seem to be one. And any 'normal' excuse you may think of will probably just trigger me. I figure I'd take one last trip to Las Vegas far away from anything and just leave a nice tip for the cleaning lady. I'm sure they've seen worse. Like I want to find a reason...but nothing has changed in 4 months. Its the same old shit day after day and only getting worse. I don't see anything changing in the horizon so what's the point. oh well. I've only had a handful of good memories and even they seem like bs. ",0.8887457817772777,3.137515956692916,2.581715410573679,92.71017716535431,84.31496062992126,5.360854893138359,22.063554555680536,6.7097532225279775,0.5385145106861651,959,33,204,11,28,315,150,254,0.133,0.731,0.136,-0.0793,2,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,0,15,16,2,0,13,0,18,6,2,1,3,41,40,15,0,6,9,0,2,2,1,3,3,1,2,0,7,11,0,2,6,1,1,3,5,5,1,3,13,5,15,11,23,22,5,28,0,1,2,1,10,10,2,5,17,111,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221349221269424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814750181185278,0.12563140051570812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718710845018547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256559040790604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348652869354016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453528472357694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061162413315588,0.0,0.0,0.07913348155203236,0.0,0.10094522822677064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057961742281185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950431684250067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256503338324512,0.11076256348453556,0.06259586427341289,0.0,0.06809087566716243,0.10049107890564653,0.0,0.13209112575007367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735259883777686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899852365807564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929838168147902,0.0,0.1268616615468598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706638588785664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121468698563635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956313276577016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738851992350273,0.11496108102157772,0.0,0.12572060999812915,0.0,0.2435593979321113,0.1822420529733144,0.1274864588192014,0.0,0.0,0.12974272922360391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325932845194125,0.0,0.0,0.1218900065262656,0.1291756178492176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675345721412484,0.12318480012376964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396689960385795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547318664593993,0.218141342102206,0.0,0.0,0.1229834088094286,0.09910820347373853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001666595526262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258393181746339,0.0,0.09008233070481726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676951360958321,0.0,0.0,0.06986226851527329,0.13770415557529436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134323494624766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120014118463723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077237235896928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24419357997346586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alice-in-wondeland,2019/01/06,I’m done If tomorrow is a shit day I’m done and throwing in the towel.,2.3082352941176474,1.4818151176470593,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,74.29411764705883,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.938576470588236,55,2,14,1,1,21,14,17,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711137037387332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8604001152091458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43151941021598905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ssssssisisi,2019/01/06,"I started writing letters I thought it would be therapeutic or healing to start writing letters to people. Starting with my past self, my current self, my parents, the person who used to be my best friend. They started fine  but now I don’t know if they’re not meant to be suicide notes. I don’t think they are but I’ve really wanted to die lately, is this my subconscious cutting loose ties so that when I feel ready then I could just go? I hope not. I want to die but I want to live. What is wrong with me? ",2.32729700854701,4.083958759615385,3.326282051282053,91.79649572649576,76.78846153846155,5.776068376068378,25.97863247863248,6.42735559955562,0.8133388888888891,397,15,85,3,9,127,68,104,0.245,0.6459999999999999,0.109,-0.9608,2,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,2,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,0,24,25,8,3,7,8,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,1,17,4,9,18,1,11,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,3,10,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855291285843786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584407131766987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531598433407754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602860905133394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145083127831428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669528418856448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898881018042805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350526932977506,0.0,0.1919269212690244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023798212664968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892190087824254,0.0,0.16241922770522632,0.11795463086239613,0.1485609165138323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899694393787654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354989194094541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817078627207403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610708742404436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901974549104618,0.0,0.1350732745254823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694755039285864,0.0,0.0,0.3010614354126745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086357603750933,0.18602292254134795,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Always_Am_Echo,2019/01/06,"I need advice for my friend I'm a 16 male and my friend is also a 16 year old male, currently this is online friendship.

But he has severe depression and anxiety. We can't play any games together in fear that I might win and he'll get sad and start calling him pathetic. 
He even gets sad on single player games. Where if he loses on something easy he gets depressed. 

Going on, he doesn't love himself and does indeed harm himself. He's at the point where he doesn't even care to take his prescribed medicine. 


He's depressed 24/7 when ever we talk and it's hurting me to see him struggle. What do I do?",1.5280863039399613,3.826630439024392,2.778048780487808,91.99739212007505,82.00813008130079,5.410631644777986,22.46966854283928,6.67199483983844,0.5753432145090684,476,16,98,5,13,153,82,123,0.307,0.5870000000000001,0.106,-0.9809,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,2,7,16,0,2,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,13,21,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,10,0,0,0,1,13,6,8,19,1,15,0,7,1,1,25,8,0,2,6,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168157882659937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761501300213855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702259614908965,0.0,0.13164331104063987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571636618807285,0.0,0.17545046980620874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446454767968616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059132131614966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273188927693913,0.1556592648577696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364163916368973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659023776681113,0.0,0.2697193832401882,0.0,0.0977989478080794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421881230037568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251727966350934,0.0,0.0,0.15531196473167982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255326701234434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759764227503553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057255476795853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267441185796586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371281703513215,0.0,0.0,0.19440523242837932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132478189487724,0.0,0.0,0.12180149869847172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798989071004481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938528213522846,0.13831409861020602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108160516752315
suicidewatch,yoztpetra,2019/01/06,Count down before I'm able to end everything I'm currently living overseas. My parent bought me a ticket back home in 25th Jan. I'm thinking of renting a room in a hotel somewhere. I still haven't thought the method but I've made my mind,1.9255102040816323,4.219501959183674,3.1626122448979617,89.8431020408163,80.42857142857143,5.5526530612244915,24.08571428571429,6.742157984588678,0.8702946938775509,192,7,38,2,5,62,39,49,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,8,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,5,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,17,4,0,0.3083155714163077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707564323468575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623538427604356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27307608336493155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770941552861684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30926565664567635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722482981637195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29173564843275523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31131083624080746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423479553698889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462212136005229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975561689264352,0.0,0.24476812452102584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shaunlew10,2019/01/06,"I've just taken 750mg of sertraline. I'm on the edge. I can see the welcoming darkness. I just want to end it. I took more than 4x the daily dose of my medication. I Don't know what will happen, but I guess we'll see. ",-1.2942176870748303,0.6157559387755107,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,91.6530612244898,5.715646258503401,16.329931972789115,7.1686216300943375,-0.06892108843537413,167,4,42,3,6,60,38,49,0.037000000000000005,0.887,0.076,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,13,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,5,9,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089397761570418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38425061539546507,0.0,0.3084491832216649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169539470696054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513867036846638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559085874373926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875377945717483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057356093624247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kneel_Legstrong,2019/01/06,Super likely I’ll kill myself some day But that doesn’t mean I have a low self esteem.  Cmon ,-0.9051666666666698,1.2225601499999996,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,97.5,2.666666666666667,6.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.376333333333333,73,0,16,0,3,24,19,20,0.287,0.5489999999999999,0.165,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31644490744158976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428594023385194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971911471912785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344891323876735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118812393951344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,servingmaple,2019/01/06,"The rooftop I’m a 28 year old teacher (gay male with a new boyfriend) who has had several bouts of anxiety but this current one feels so bad that I don’t know what else to try. 

It all started in October, around the time I started dating a wonderful man. I’ve been in several long term relationships that have all had dramatic highs and lows and ultimately ended. At my age, I am ready to have a partner but I know you can’t force it. He is the man I’ve been looking for but now I’m driving myself crazy around him. 

While we were still uncommitted, he slept with another man which he told me about and said made him realize he wants to formalize it and be boyfriends. I can’t stop thinking about him sleeping with another guy, even though he has had partners before me and I have had those before him. It didn’t break any rules but I feel so obsessively sad about it. I made out with someone during the same time period. 

Beyond that, he is so perfect that I’m in constant need of reassurance that he won’t leave. It’s too early to be so suffocating and I know if I keep it up, he will leave. I’ve tried everything I can to be independent: focusing on work, making plans with friends, exploring hobbies, etc. I care about him too obsessively and it’s driving me insane. 

I think my anxious attachment style is the result of an absent father and distant mother with no siblings. Everyone always leaves, including all of the men I’ve been with. 

I’ve been in counseling for years, recently (1 week) switched from Wellbutrin to Zoloft, and am waiting for relief. I’m getting about 4 hours of interrupted sleep a night. I can’t eat and am losing weight. 

I go to the roof of my apartment high rise and fantasize daily about how easy it would be to climb the little fence and be free. I no longer have faith that I’m capable of healthy love given my anxious attachment style. My new boyfriend holds me when I cry, wipes my tears, and talks me through everything but I can’t take feeling this low anymore. The only relief I feel these days is reading the posts on here and thinking about dying. Life is too hard. I wish I could’ve found out what we could have become. ",3.9087708066581293,5.4818374741784055,4.6792872385830115,84.5069206145967,72.14553990610328,8.168331199317112,28.402048655569786,8.754623652393294,2.1134704225352112,1708,66,343,32,33,550,226,426,0.126,0.7240000000000001,0.15,0.9666,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,2,1,0,5,24,16,0,2,16,0,40,9,3,6,4,68,77,28,1,6,6,2,6,0,3,3,2,1,0,8,23,27,2,5,14,1,1,6,9,7,0,1,17,8,41,10,47,51,6,55,1,4,1,2,34,19,0,2,28,210,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742974986245849,0.0,0.0,0.06328102854354464,0.1951539116059952,0.07118731251626109,0.2102527796707133,0.09228619348112067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567850318213564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769757532374306,0.0,0.10277264715322784,0.1583669973667721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487643030616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056009192034543,0.0,0.14859471853780465,0.0,0.1022172547468854,0.06001319170835291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965770662846213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521915459147028,0.07773604944291755,0.0,0.08241967969699646,0.0,0.10378164056823726,0.061462374854083776,0.0,0.0,0.08891865510536835,0.1672648240972146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882069173013516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203070992209616,0.07189455927628997,0.0,0.04861773295995018,0.0,0.05288566662704185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213971717898717,0.0,0.0,0.08335957851843337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966367927774733,0.0,0.0,0.09164106414251487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271213152542031,0.0,0.0,0.1534228440345512,0.0,0.0,0.29559747064122754,0.0,0.0,0.06572795293398302,0.0,0.09326620130736712,0.0,0.08235131614153071,0.07814330381502002,0.10410546228175503,0.0,0.0,0.08398635132669535,0.17610299960169332,0.062115364575653025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899958049647438,0.0,0.1797474405741615,0.0,0.08732641759297421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976462441312951,0.0,0.0630569122843213,0.07077301007323095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912158344624388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308082560450727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918812215665336,0.09990693593696036,0.0,0.0,0.08851722642588762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102527796707133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624569419723525,0.0,0.07884574469772658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173052674313732,0.0,0.07431435704474051,0.07779868465987883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996626293850737,0.07479460130055562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887889665521892,0.0914266971965672,0.0,0.1085229880305223,0.0,0.0,0.08891865510536835,0.0,0.12635734710655305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054886629481138524,0.0,0.07464362412631521,0.11331670435635932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700939750366087,0.0,0.10091487580732326,0.06774561670136636,0.0,0.0,0.06610405919286574,0.0,0.0,0.11984956683423904
suicidewatch,Hermes74,2019/01/06,"I’ve made mistakes, but I’m a good person and wish to die I create my own hell every day of my life. Because of my alcoholism I have made my life beyond something that I can not manage. I am sure that I will be thought of as a coward, but I am going to leave this world.",2.398,2.6101941333333336,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,74.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,23.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.3658333333333332,208,5,49,1,4,72,41,60,0.294,0.5670000000000001,0.139,-0.9041,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,2,1,10,12,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,10,2,7,7,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702549461733361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415508730330812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630885697372495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624525568698621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130647757598177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371919713453216,0.21210620421595625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26776651006502245,0.0,0.0,0.3572373850020897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785678867248473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220807620827731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946816346979062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383391693192859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076079957816986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908028900067283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thewayigo,2019/01/06,"I almost lost a second family member to suicide today. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around almost losing a second family member to suicide. At the same time it’s eye opening to realize that I’ve shared some of the same thoughts that probably went through their head at the time. It’s crazy how deep you can get without even realizing it. Today I got snapped out of it and looking at how I’ve been thinking and living is scary as hell. I took a long hard look at myself and my life and I’m not okay with that path I’m headed down. Only I can change the direction I’m going in. 

SUICIDE HOTLINE——>call 1-800-273-8255 or text CONNECT to 741-741 PLEASE!!

You are worthy of living and your life is worth living. ",2.4124394099051614,4.318930075342465,3.822876712328768,87.65768703898844,77.01369863013699,6.410115911485772,22.189673340358272,7.321109707123232,0.7986065331928351,565,16,114,7,13,186,90,146,0.217,0.718,0.066,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,3,1,2,4,5,1,0,7,1,6,5,3,2,0,24,19,9,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,3,0,2,6,5,12,2,21,13,3,18,1,2,3,0,5,10,1,4,5,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643772379497072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751659684428965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396487304117167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719114415078534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889394270882664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896960576058424,0.0,0.07502413945663541,0.0,0.10558019498943064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365094757306309,0.0,0.27096001903649714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648467237422955,0.0,0.0,0.3497008799552068,0.1168244067000287,0.22170975604276766,0.147685057569648,0.14410415242719699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332921382273546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039930506964544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490697943777803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423287551079399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331914694063537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458646828419414,0.0,0.10480093491532068,0.15395180409978115,0.0,0.2502594694585611,0.0,0.14666760421634115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237428962586565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725261421061312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,European-Cowboy-3,2019/01/06,"I want to shoot myself Good day. I’m 15.

I feel as though I’m going insane, and the days are getting shorter and shorter.
Nothing is fun anymore.
Life is drained of anything resembling joy.
Life is nothing but suffering.
Regrets, anxiety, Emptiness and doubt.
If I had a gun, I’d put it to my temple and pull the trigger.
To finally see what lays on the other side;
most likely nothingness.
And life is temporary anyway, so what does it matter?
It matters not,
And I’m not happy,
So why not?",0.9551201923076924,3.528243822916668,3.023333333333333,86.5396153846154,89.9375,5.453846153846153,26.134615384615394,7.010146845296331,1.6165826923076922,381,18,70,6,13,128,66,96,0.212,0.6609999999999999,0.127,-0.8824,0,0,0,2,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,4,0,6,3,0,1,0,19,14,12,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,2,5,5,6,13,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,4,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679455101973926,0.0,0.21772210946749396,0.0,0.0,0.18066057450630726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831669224127813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211865828817207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110047058653666,0.0,0.0,0.2404924909365408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469923049467964,0.0,0.12476816373393634,0.1841375553457048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337016447172914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651972746073164,0.1072548844399739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213041127578812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069572376511656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494288429875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569438097319066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948884661321394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809835675702667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,another-throwaway357,2019/01/06,"What’s the alternative to death. Really, I feel like everything I’ve done for the past year has been with the thought of I’ll be dead by then but I’m still here. Now though, all the consequences seem to be catching up and I really don’t feel there’s an alternative than to do it. I’m scarred of it but I’m just as terrified of not doing it. It’s like I’m trapped.",0.4671249999999994,2.3344334625000016,2.765000000000004,93.05,83.125,7.5,21.25,8.472884824447931,1.0471250000000003,287,9,71,7,8,98,51,80,0.184,0.7490000000000001,0.067,-0.892,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,11,16,6,2,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,12,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,44,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177489304091462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790570513622802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139958904782916,0.22182100172697813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033888760420854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964070359644398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397828034750206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28266720671678897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796541009406797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30506431550291463,0.2465020275356289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995158520820291
suicidewatch,Throwaway_deadinside,2019/01/06,I'm fucking done with this life I want to hang myself or jump in front of a train or off a cliff or something. This is my fucking fate and nothing else. It is the answer to my never ending pain. The only love I will ever feel in my life is the sweet embrace of death.,2.629827586206897,3.1436793965517285,4.102931034482761,91.47267241379312,74.0,5.8000000000000025,23.12068965517241,3.1291,0.017675862068965653,207,5,47,0,4,69,41,58,0.061,0.73,0.21,0.8226,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,5,0,5,6,0,0,2,10,11,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,2,8,9,0,9,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,3,3,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27351004155956393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326982019079006,0.0,0.2367219224285841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417610495527373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513976104288686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941736841065361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775614618505965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122164290020054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613512885812027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25645280837706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327090644109008,0.2843941628218859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575753176441847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764279228173214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lillyzu,2019/01/06,"How do people even manage to be alive? I just really don’t think I’ve got it in me to get and keep a job that provides me with enough money, find a place to live, move into it, interact with other humans all day long on a daily basis, form relationships with people, support myself and my animal, keep up with all of the other bullshit of live every single day... I don’t think I can do it. I don’t even think I can learn to drive or finish my GED. I just got a job so the GED seems less necessary but I’m constantly afraid I’m going to get fired. 

It doesn’t help that I think all of my favorite and most loved people in my life have died already. I just lost my brother. He wasn’t biologically related to me, but was my sisters best friend and has always been in my life. All of these amazing, wonderful people are checking out on life, and I can’t even do anything right, what gives me the right to stick around?

I want to be able to have a successful life, I just don’t think I can do it. I’m exhausted and it feels like I’m always on the verge of breaking down.",2.5413803921568645,3.6276969733333333,4.308653594771243,87.74517647058825,74.82222222222222,7.249673202614379,22.12418300653595,7.724431198458867,0.7626967320261433,829,20,184,11,17,281,113,225,0.075,0.731,0.194,0.9851,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,10,10,0,1,9,0,22,6,0,1,4,39,46,11,1,1,7,2,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,12,13,0,2,10,0,2,3,7,3,0,0,6,2,24,7,29,38,10,24,0,1,0,1,10,15,0,4,6,124,36,6,0.1160621377863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807745511516475,0.0,0.19314599236456714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550925026316233,0.10331990923202253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180005314194417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542193911725566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970095458224947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045417517386185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992321369839486,0.0,0.2299738421994581,0.0,0.09778735680398998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868450414184796,0.08291481442490846,0.0,0.0,0.10607869129384946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966931974918381,0.0,0.12127535341061413,0.11133737826129107,0.06596078755702015,0.0,0.1856509881316782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779400447335158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303475261426847,0.2063227215953021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279124811348739,0.05670209799740445,0.0,0.20496998804463512,0.10271133967847172,0.0,0.0,0.12669553363992786,0.0,0.10475061072061363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335568477546037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32185149102033983,0.0,0.12126023141997022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435237740684945,0.0,0.0,0.12460730094004435,0.0,0.19823286303365967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056586112516835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170593856143648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718396575489737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845645593271331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586443755000934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,autisticthrowaway00,2019/01/06,Autistic + suicidal? Is anyone else out there also autistic and suicidal? I would love to talk to someone like me. I’m having a rough time and feel alone. Thanks. ,1.117741935483874,3.705148516129036,2.4344516129032283,88.65167741935484,96.09677419354836,5.060645161290323,22.32903225806452,6.742157984588678,1.0758335483870969,128,5,23,2,5,41,26,31,0.271,0.5,0.229,-0.4137,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861542416809761,0.0,0.22094988290135525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318915251045266,0.2830928697764523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23080575075925586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970107548918329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349818693804341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24936349364811525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341005418920141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044352118673552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207231046118936,0.0,0.25437171254791674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110755503092078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626926142480647,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Triggermeelmo2321,2019/01/06,I was going through my grandpa's stuff and... I found his old 9mm. Some ammo too. I guess I just got my way out finally.,-2.3550000000000004,-0.5846014074074048,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,100.11111111111113,4.181481481481482,17.86111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.37417777777777816,90,3,23,1,4,32,23,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968390537009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972003235210773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058811892020334,0.0,0.2897330946817551,0.0,0.3990711676190057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801318229499946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147020027836779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28754580065537216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarthhNihiluss,2019/01/06,"I’m not exactly too sure what I am anymore I wake up everyday in my stuffy, messy room that I can’t muster the energy to clean and just instantly think how shit everything is. Every waking moment I think about dying, whenever I’m relatively happy I just think ‘this won’t last so what’s the point’ and instantly revert back to giving up. I want to be around people and talk with them yet I don’t want to encumber them with my suffering and ruin their lives. My parents refuse to the idea that I’m depressed or anxious and just play it down to teenage behaviour. There is genuinely no point in even trying at this point and I think suicide would be the best option for not only me but the people who I may inconvenience ",4.6588111888111925,5.77291295804196,5.582804195804198,80.506513986014,69.76923076923077,9.356363636363636,26.88741258741259,9.642632912329526,2.3465194405594407,575,18,112,13,10,189,92,143,0.158,0.745,0.097,-0.8308,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,3,1,12,8,1,0,5,0,10,3,3,1,2,30,20,10,2,3,7,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,9,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,16,4,17,15,1,16,0,3,0,0,8,11,1,3,5,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838040567215248,0.16135412590295736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483699594421287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510582657459146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074302459275734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013278932405446,0.0,0.16885633186089682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746144570942126,0.0,0.1370812954259265,0.0,0.14622376581194238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607612824607436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319657933532925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836678639919593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262175885976374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436665863712598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374025568866387,0.0,0.0,0.18065847401402316,0.0,0.0,0.22559061194521385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614106799100341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700863717520273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796678024582774,0.0,0.15334229679455344,0.0,0.0,0.13077164698076132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170049267184316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046223993389297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919286902975436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557701414875478,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10092001,2019/01/06,"Near death experience I’m going to try and kill myself tonight. I think a near death experience might be the one thing I need to either give me a reason to live or push me over the edge enough to really  attempt it. 

I feel like almost dying might shock me out of how I feel and I can get on the road to recovery. If that makes any sense.

I feel so disgusting I can’t take being alive anymore. 

I’m going to down a bunch of alcohol and slit my wrists in the bath tub. It’s a method of suicide that I can back out of if I change my mind. I’m really scared but it’s the only thing I can do now. ",1.6636923076923082,2.638418753846153,3.8215384615384624,90.81846153846158,76.84615384615384,7.353846153846155,19.923076923076927,7.908726449838941,0.4463692307692311,458,9,111,7,10,158,79,130,0.139,0.831,0.029,-0.9081,0,0,2,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,9,0,9,2,1,3,0,22,23,9,5,3,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,5,1,0,3,1,4,0,1,0,3,16,1,18,19,3,15,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,6,4,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203613539584,0.1705657314171293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583352813806785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892638497483847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097697319029306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019166875991904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678066527117006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600141687458326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332403046528225,0.0,0.0,0.2583792301511472,0.1216872394312124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899292044455777,0.1634006938337322,0.1936104230394605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884502565957788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321699593877901,0.0,0.150408779084883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136998243546125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613966821284728,0.17198962531885412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263011210927696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154232918063198,0.12954731682485635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182417126430696,0.17513257855998085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053488396797167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631866191398186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807059672278018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632578990087965,0.10914368379648444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564617120158667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ehyia,2019/01/06,"I just hate everything about myself and feel like a burden. This past month my depression has just gotten a 1000 times worse.  I honestly feel like my brain is deteriorating and that I am just not good at anything anymore.  I am going back to school and got an A in medical terminology and a C in welding, but I feel like it was a fluke.  My memory sucks and I have a hard time paying attention to detail.  I have facial tics and extreme intrusive thoughts calling me stupid, a horrible person and that everyone would be so happy if I was gone.  Sometimes I feel guilty because my daughter has a depressed mom and my husband has a depressed wife...I feel like I failed my parents too...I take no pleasure in anything anymore and no medication seems to work.  The only reason I haven't done anything is that I don't want to devastate people. I just don't know what to do....doctors are expensive and I don't want to go to a mental hospital.  I just hate how painful and meaningless life is. ",4.463392857142857,5.806187958333336,5.737738095238093,78.35250000000002,70.45833333333334,8.81904761904762,31.42261904761905,9.23628265651192,2.8407369047619047,776,34,146,16,14,260,110,192,0.28300000000000003,0.591,0.127,-0.9856,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,9,18,4,0,12,0,20,6,2,2,0,33,39,15,0,4,8,4,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,10,0,2,3,7,10,0,0,7,6,23,8,12,30,0,12,0,4,0,0,6,4,1,2,9,97,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313397756166325,0.0,0.0,0.2879402799601819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896845794495078,0.0,0.07109918842813588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020245520779325,0.11909666365848955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013708622944369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193801511372584,0.0,0.11935738633228275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144907458132844,0.1048233907359098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948690398289363,0.33329427690786384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257192424280412,0.09782731951398478,0.0932831066977426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415938413964345,0.10448142599952676,0.2303044542869736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409916256989474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238225735574878,0.22792651569303216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349935790456927,0.11753994454444905,0.0,0.0,0.1366006857958112,0.09309638774105024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870564302451335,0.12410712151197435,0.0,0.12950859052337793,0.0,0.11134063947173596,0.08085953993517941,0.1018405744126378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991948869699352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804014124469255,0.0,0.10617948879362103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535430780338342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769448038963616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259460824738676,0.13602079982507614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758786736736953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491116154829062,0.0,0.1188603189033218,0.08285366230949053,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Roa-Schrodinger,2019/01/06,"Suicide method? I mean, I’m quite stuck here and there u have it.
Welp, any over the counter drugs I can get in London or some lethal injection? Like honestly I’m done and please don’t talk me out of it because I’ve already made up my mind so no thx.",0.07833333333333314,2.144515722222226,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,86.22222222222223,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.1190888888888888,195,6,48,2,6,62,47,54,0.159,0.66,0.181,-0.1131,0,0,2,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,10,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,5,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154765111971777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440871000071894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427024882141365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925552580086724,0.0,0.0,0.33153090329593504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493608900714925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396668917078101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27050727341026104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31140794032906555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886580572068134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138112098469772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304069362270824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127071349202322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978011401716425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PandaBoyYouTube,2019/01/06,"Im a 14 year old thinking about it I never think of suicide as a big deal, I’m not afraid of death. The only thing that used to keep me going is not making my mom sad. Lately, she doesn’t seem to care about me and it hurts. We used to be super close but now she doesn’t even wanna give me a hug and it fucking hurts. My stepdad is a dick and my mom always takes his side so I’m always in the wrong at my house. I try to escape to my friends house but now I can’t because my grades are slipping. I couldn’t go to my only friends house over break because of my grades so I’m stuck in the hell hole of my house. The only thing that I think about is this girl I’ve been talking to, we talk about everything and it’s been helping but an event happened today that just overwhelmed me. I know this seems like a petty reason but a mix of school, parents and everything is just overwhelming me. I see life as exhausting. There’s no reason to live if most of the time is just surviving by working a job that you fucking hate. I don’t wanna be a part of this world anymore. ",1.0935599916822625,2.797202331877731,2.6270492825951344,95.65050946142652,80.26637554585153,5.235267207319608,20.51174880432523,5.916634753146586,-0.12486791432730238,830,22,192,5,21,271,122,229,0.159,0.708,0.133,-0.8844,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,2,1,0,3,13,18,4,3,14,0,15,6,1,5,1,35,39,14,2,4,10,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,13,8,0,1,8,0,0,2,9,12,0,0,3,1,28,6,28,33,2,20,1,5,1,4,17,8,4,4,10,123,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143928623116014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216666828640407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255982406001373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503422470524323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620754808410933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804274644935271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851727669645383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918367227229008,0.19047788307666147,0.0,0.09882473058998907,0.11709557314216623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109891770612696,0.0,0.0,0.1017094389553253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905112778525223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754780614300717,0.22056686593615454,0.0,0.1112776560844566,0.0,0.10222996341667807,0.091567574585767,0.0,0.0,0.05661627242664177,0.0,0.11620935310341457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727650118749819,0.05032963453953413,0.0,0.0909672212687032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876564747887283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413080399372975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945421667610457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810058425062384,0.0,0.0,0.2350506301441933,0.0,0.0,0.11438985079823336,0.11155899443655877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118403476466424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042602200411206,0.08209240518995685,0.18756834325584784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268551641691613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745708981203292,0.16560473311213048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688182520987294,0.19803028176419893,0.0,0.0,0.0600709147345641,0.0,0.09764949062642288,0.0,0.0,0.06994279794423511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794981192189396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499869361067857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263455563190745,0.0,0.06634053522604033
suicidewatch,ANONISMYNAMESORRY,2019/01/06,"No job. No love. No hope. I’m feeling just really low. I went from working two jobs getting good money, supporting my mother (by force) to not being able to make rent, can’t afford food, overdraft on all accounts. I just feel like a failure. Worthless. I applied to 345 jobs since Nov. 25( according to Indeed). I’ve walked in places. Shown face. I just feel like everything is against me and why am I here? Idk. I don’t wanna be alive anymore 🙁",0.31291083916083906,2.7464034204545484,1.9340909090909117,93.25286713286717,94.3409090909091,4.525874125874126,21.541958041958047,6.297961479604792,0.4884062937062938,343,13,69,4,13,111,70,88,0.16699999999999998,0.612,0.221,0.7512,5,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,1,1,12,16,1,0,2,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,2,6,2,0,1,1,3,8,6,10,13,1,6,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,36,8,4,0.18808339516177114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865281884845664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903722788406972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853018476024866,0.2687336301688173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22743118800574946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826581111616764,0.0,0.0,0.1577554283054515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868092498541311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599312438622622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377609283357374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975260739952028,0.0,0.12554712676198104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650711643400898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049103909121285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555845280779938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343480794050584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837301474868394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435519164186447,0.16971600963279454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369269517401944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PorcupinArseIHateYou,2019/01/06,"Here's a little game for you people Tell me a number between 1 and 10, let's make it fun, I want to interact with people if I die tonight, at least I could do what I'm almost incapable of x)",1.838294573643413,2.2358531395348846,4.54418604651163,88.01224806201557,75.74418604651162,7.593798449612403,23.635658914728683,7.793537801064563,0.9664170542635656,147,4,35,2,3,53,37,43,0.151,0.705,0.14400000000000002,-0.3197,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486820547544184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27801738165946777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613870447215421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560683563513585,0.0,0.0,0.3489979366689559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243290461568844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828099939714753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043509216561001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538330253746215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hector_brocklebank,2019/01/06,I'm hurting so much now its unbearable The past 6 days have been the hardest since i last tried to end it over 2 years ago and i feel so much lower than i did back then. I know I've done wrong but i want to make things right but i cant ever see me getting the chance or making it there. I'm sorry for everything.,0.8210476190476186,2.158624057142859,2.614285714285714,97.09904761904764,79.85714285714286,5.80952380952381,18.80952380952381,6.42735559955562,-0.2946190476190478,244,5,61,2,6,81,54,70,0.112,0.825,0.063,-0.2822,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,1,10,14,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,7,0,5,11,2,12,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,10,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038527612731787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768312010414119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483103386766015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23533711266588525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036833946256721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801922676182535,0.0,0.0,0.20668041479193072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627873327372755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014879121943435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618550604566364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638440156108025,0.18745461778643874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070108586127225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381058887898717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219530482535077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639142005070734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325472621119054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023191045477975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574303542388137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527805242402138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613318014080424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356410878248923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514339128751644,0.0,0.1480918556524297
suicidewatch,Helicon_Amateur,2019/01/06,"Unsure how to help an old friend who appears to be implying they are ready to give up on life. Someone I grew up with has been posting depressing memes on facebook non-stop over the past few days. They recently posted something that implies they are going to end their life soon.

I have no idea how to help this person.

They are in their late 30's. They have no educational background. I'm not sure if they completed their GED. Last I heard he was doing Heroin, and I think it was a means to keep his relationship alive with some girl. 

It is impossible to have anything in common with this person. They are the mental equivalent of a teenager that never grew up and it is so sad.

His life is fucked on so many levels...His earning potential makes life nearly impossible to live with any quality... and I feel everyone else is afraid to reach out to this individual because of the enormous amount of resources it would take just to keep this person drifting in life. 

I'm attempting to find his sister's contact information to see if they are still on good terms as she is not on facebook and cannot see what is happening. Even still, I'm not sure how her ad her husband would be able to help him.",5.520314735336193,6.242841489270389,5.8637081545064405,80.68926752503576,67.58369098712447,8.960114449213163,29.696423462088696,9.029198982220553,2.27749522174535,949,33,186,16,15,304,134,233,0.1,0.8170000000000001,0.083,-0.6268,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,11,2,10,8,1,1,6,0,24,6,0,4,3,34,42,12,0,4,6,2,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,12,9,0,2,6,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,4,4,23,4,36,34,4,35,0,2,2,1,35,15,1,4,13,125,35,1,0.12027465181405975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179088762711176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897579037847806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331831139689336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126105684106031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756720034638141,0.0,0.10359238136727594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047403828441516,0.0,0.10652764209925687,0.0,0.0,0.07944027318592946,0.0,0.0,0.1149275840653034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081447780612236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992885279901367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292389763736886,0.11119197752217913,0.0,0.11537840556506955,0.0683548563563689,0.10088067154942873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635847738603556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418526914903423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577544201713831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138112736375444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803989407239506,0.13567504604134356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247677176015103,0.0,0.0,0.10620472108558487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802842640338623,0.12193961908638727,0.0,0.13101435554791108,0.0,0.0,0.12120856012855954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276322617609192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262080147047009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148157645170466,0.0,0.3150575602633515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230379738906617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875670862427415,0.12912996451639627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168665096828186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190832217605528,0.09259330305430027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210298460761915,0.10055499445895733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267148718854288,0.0,0.09043156979906863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706714040486434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087932360072772,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ttsbsglrsRDT,2019/01/06,"It's not that serious, I just need someone to talk to i guess.. I'm 15 years old, and my life is pretty much a joke right now. I'll start from the beggining though. When i was 3 I've moved to Britan, Where i had a nice house, lived there for only a year or so, though i do remember these years, they we're great. Then i moved house, still in Britan, School was hell for me then, I was very lonely, but i still somehow enjoyed those years, and i terribly miss them. Lived there untill i was 8, that's when i moved back to Poland, lived at my gradma's for a while then moved back to my first house, the one from before i moved to Britan. Lived there 2 years, made an awesome group of friends, nearly every day felt great, It was all going great, Then, out of nowhere, back to England, back to the same school, back to being lonely with social anxiety fucking up my life. Was there only 1 year. Back to Poland again, also, same school, same friends, though they have changed a bit, didn't mind that much, we still were friends, last year i ever was in that school, the school i had such fun in, where i learnt a lot. Back to England. High School. When i first went there, it was the same, No friends, lonelyness, back to Poland, last year of elementary (Different education system), new city, new ""home"". Was there for very short. Came back to England, same house, same highschool no friends agin until near the end of the school year, at that time, i managed to find myself some friends, hanged out with them a lot, basically, my life was about to change. But then, i moved back to Poland, to a new place, that i currently live in for 3 years now. I have nearly no one to talk to, My only friends, we don't hang out much, everyone else, ignores me a lot. I hated this place from the beggining. Never felt like home. Every day in here is wasted, and ive fucked up school a lot, i wasn't like that before, now i can't do anything about it, I'm a looser now. 

Now since that was my life story, here's my problems. I've recently joined a group of people,  
""furries"". I joined in, since i like the art, and the wholesomeness of the community, that cares about eachother, You might hate those people and me, I don't care, but that just made me realise, I've never knew much about myself, since i just realised that one thing about me. I think it's because since elementary school, when i had no friends, i tried to fit in, and change myself, kept agreeing with everyone, lying to myself, to that point, that i don't know who am I, i don't know what is my type of music, what games i like, what style is mine, basically, who the fuck am I. Now I've also realised some things that i *could* find out that will destroy me mentally and physically. Now i don't know what the fuck am I doing, every day is the same, i go to school, just because i have to, even though i know I've been wasting my time there, never learnt nothing usefull, the education here is a fucking joke, it's the most useless ever. I'm scared i will end up as a fucking looser in my life, without a Job, without no one to love, without a home. And I'm scared of who I am, my brain is programmed to hide my identity.. FROM MYSELF. For fucks sake. Why am I like that. I have no idea who I am! I'm useless at pretty much EVERYTHING. There is no good use of me, i fuck up everything i do. I'm useless and i can't change myself. If you've read all my whining then congrats, you've wasted a good 10 minutes you could've been doing something more interesting..",4.029154037751701,4.60449358392102,4.556379077514031,89.26381448248958,70.84767277856136,7.5008972781562315,25.522341925997058,7.378060373470096,0.9617008732707144,2697,74,596,26,47,857,244,709,0.18,0.688,0.132,-0.9878,3,6,1,0,0,0,137.0,2,2,4,2,59,53,12,2,34,0,55,15,1,3,7,77,94,35,0,4,13,0,2,5,8,3,5,0,3,0,36,19,0,2,12,5,0,12,23,25,0,6,27,2,86,28,81,62,23,111,1,7,0,9,27,31,9,12,72,405,122,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298356371086107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030125219215391838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03240598337034694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028041429930413,0.0,0.04801077052851275,0.0,0.06701812926380109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299222835913839,0.0,0.0,0.04396055944821856,0.0,0.04503967138750272,0.0803000748397134,0.0,0.16663321041649182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288267265572463,0.0,0.0,0.0761895831767701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114320897769205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289652955885217,0.0,0.06975711909245723,0.0,0.0,0.026009796556864164,0.07124204700836513,0.0995368129167228,0.07525762337987284,0.07078353311626323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562101491221099,0.0,0.07198432186505227,0.06699238629607669,0.0,0.0,0.24339610888920496,0.2912457974396332,0.0,0.0,0.044760568819839634,0.0660593333403899,0.0,0.13024815439723342,0.043380972616919006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775823149966259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160661695776073,0.118502585301525,0.0,0.0,0.18175468055590188,0.0,0.04445467623227629,0.0,0.0,0.03907808971912477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656780065284736,0.06419911707280399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907457106650115,0.09619420316381568,0.0,0.1738641546680782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391621294165107,0.0355415474385224,0.07452369361853962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968528635992486,0.04177543958564735,0.03976208170783229,0.0,0.0,0.2511251376253221,0.14474236347003802,0.02919940948398005,0.09111572294640133,0.11409893545564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377857042390121,0.0,0.04132217393855106,0.0,0.10673830706430973,0.08984968111426593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460159113901709,0.0,0.08228641795538409,0.0,0.037226367820870784,0.0,0.0,0.0801262426442955,0.0,0.037680875067317064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039390169076054284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888251773569259,0.0,0.0446093109955237,0.03362988844130175,0.0,0.0,0.07885152348927002,0.39854168941607104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030055844431793,0.0,0.0,0.04014245373399605,0.033366133082735235,0.030316272570384183,0.0,0.0,0.027873021576629662,0.0,0.09434558846335094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330352082872569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052323996484931794,0.0252328014841828,0.15476068405064136,0.0,0.04592502074835369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026736103994589984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03401125503411197,0.0,0.06498444380654568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03650520254046773,0.03553388486837309,0.0,0.0,0.11388133413721314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535911489091875
suicidewatch,crisis-throwaway,2019/01/06,"If friend (16) doesn’t get out of abusive household, his suicide feels inevitable My 16 year old friend has been depressed for a while now because of his abusive parents. It started out as frequent (but not daily) verbal abuse. I advised him to reach out to the school counselors but they called his parents. This made the parents more abusive. He also told his doctor but nothing much happened. He’s had about 3 or 4 suicide attempts, and gets closer with each one. I’ve called the police, and I’ve made a CPS report. But all they do is talk to his parents and drop the case. The more he tried to get help, the worse it got. His parents now physically abuse him, choking, punching, jabbing, slapping, etc. The verbal abuse is daily, and they’re pushing him to suicide. He was in a mental hospital for a week, but he came out with PTSD after witnessing his roommate attempt suicide. Also the staff stood by as his parents would yell at him during visits. Now he frequently blanks out and starts shaking. When he got out of the hospital his dad asked him why he hadn’t killed himself yet and his mom bought him razors. He’s been in contact with his roommate and he’s been giving him advise on effective methods of suicide, and has supplied him drugs to OD on. I don’t know what to do. Every time I’ve tried helping him it’s gotten worse and worse.

tl;dr
Every time my suicidal friend has reached out for help, it hasn’t worked, and it’s just made his parents more abusive. He feels hopeless and is very suicidal due to his situation and the system’s failure to help him.",4.204381188118813,5.976621983498353,4.443981023102313,85.68795173267328,71.73927392739273,6.238118811881187,30.116749174917487,6.6274283507984215,1.6079462046204624,1243,53,229,9,24,388,149,303,0.247,0.64,0.112,-0.9963,7,0,2,0,3,6,39.0,0,0,2,4,10,7,1,1,14,0,18,2,0,4,1,42,39,25,9,2,9,9,2,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,7,24,0,0,4,0,1,4,5,4,0,1,16,3,30,3,36,22,7,36,0,2,0,0,63,13,0,2,17,142,37,7,0.0,0.5114411633312641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862706695553697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057648515433106715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03759045376695636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593386023184405,0.07052841128493653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311203365439888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311681119332617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151190278860609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877285246783578,0.0,0.0,0.10391096061342216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235942352675353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292683825220664,0.0,0.09665236041369553,0.05915475325967012,0.0,0.0,0.0986383779360247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453021695031903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533118388697446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822326251556893,0.0,0.033889509294746566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750469381352781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214388587057701,0.0,0.0,0.07222138363973167,0.0,0.0,0.04533092105996662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916929691453013,0.0,0.06470711683599177,0.0,0.041785846724551816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479302331641854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208316585667314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062408342066921536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931412132996402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729370659022677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721610386236158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956404670873935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191479537543588,0.0,0.0,0.05892361612051299,0.0,0.08373306823062189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088014009336919,0.0,0.0,0.049463998849857985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055643133471963736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0448929047299291,0.0,0.18852592081175826,0.043805095829130766,0.0,0.0,0.03971028272965923
suicidewatch,autumnx,2019/01/06,"I don't think I can go another minute. My husband flew to see his parents. I have agoraphobia, fear of flying, and stayed home. I have separation anxiety that I haven't experienced before. I feel guilty and I regret not going with him. I have been in a state of panic since. I'm afraid I will never see him again and can't bare it. I want to kill myself before I have to face it. I can't just wait for his plane to land. I can't do it. Im running out of time. ",-0.21114545454545208,1.759267740000002,2.587454545454545,92.70372727272728,86.6,5.636363636363638,17.090909090909093,6.980632752743323,-0.0966999999999998,354,8,84,5,11,124,62,100,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.9567,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,1,0,13,1,1,0,1,13,23,3,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,2,4,19,0,11,20,0,12,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,3,55,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773194852828716,0.1734374512477154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38583797328733904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551190188585589,0.11463464095684055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576963479337779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274150683519947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448926531558964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508281430799711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485769031176238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660028861891,0.2517417695680545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613272892027699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754217679841814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416495527670535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452707363211568,0.0,0.0,0.13220017570898376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337232266299124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giraffe-blanket,2019/01/06,"I’m 19 and I already feel my life has ended I’m 19 and just finished school and failed pretty badly so I’m not off to uni. I failed bc I’m super depressed and never wanted to be around people or had the effort to put into studying etc plus I’ve been struggling with loneliness anxiety the whole lot. 
I think my depression all kicked in when I was younger around 10 and realized I was gay. My brain stopped functioning normally as soon as the realization set in . I thought it was awful (and kind of still do); I prayed for it to go away and for me to be normal but once I gave up( as it didn’t work..) I was miserable. I vowed to spend my life alone or fake being straight but it hasn’t worked out. All this spiraled me into a deep dark depression. I live in a close knit community and never wanted to stand out in any way especially in that kind of way. 
Side note : I was surrounded by anti gay people including my dad and pretty much everyone, gay slurs used as insults are common here and warnings about the fags in changing rooms toilets  etc so that never helped. 

A couple of years ago I came home drunk and told my brother (who I hold dear to me )bc I was heavily considering committing suicide and needed someone to talk to. I still struggle to say the words I’m gay aloud. Anyways ..

I want to leave everyone I know and go somewhere I can meet new people. Maybe that will help me. I see online gay clubs and people being so accepting i feel there might be a chance for me to feel better somewhere else. I just need to be free or else I don’t know where my life will head. I sometimes fantasize about shooting myself or jumping off a building but I can’t do that to my brother.. and even though my sadness is overwhelming I still fear ending my life. Just bc I have some hope that things could get better despite my depression. 

I am on here, on a throw away account bc I didn’t want to post on my main. If you read this far I would like some advice on how to cope and what to do. Thank you. 
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suicidewatch,HolyOmenChad,2019/01/06,"I tried to end it all and probably died, but here I am. Alive! I wanted my first post to be something meaningful. So I’m gonna tell you about the time I tried to end it all.......About two years ago I tried taking my life. I never knew I’d get that low ever, and I didn’t think I could find a way out that wasn’t death. So I decided if I was going to die I was going to do it, I was gonna feel amazing. I worked hard for 2 months on my job to afford the drugs I need for that special night. I ended up picking a date which was my 20th birthday. I bought 8 grams of weed, 12 Xanax, 4 Percocet 30s, I had penicillin, 2 oxy pills, a pint of crown apple, and 4 adderall pills. I wanted to feel my pain slowly seep away as the drugs relaxed my body and took my pain away. I knew I didn’t want my body to rot so I parked outside of a local hospital to be found. I was gonna start it all as soon as the clock struck 12. But before I could pop my first pill, my ex and probably my soulmate called. Ya know her presence on that FaceTime call reminded me people out there care, and she actually proceeded in that call to tell me how much I mattered as a person. So after that call I had to delay my plans, I couldn’t have her going through life letting her believe she was the reason I committed suicide. So later that day I go to my hideout do as many drugs possible and head home. Before I could even get home everything hit me at once. I walk in and before I could get to my room I vomited all over myself and collapsed in the living room. There I was, finally close to getting what I wanted, ya know going in and out of consciousness, and my body is lifeless as I’m laying in my own vomit. I wake up hours later in the ER, family all around me looking very concerned and asking me questions. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them it was a suicide attempt. Instead I lied and said I was just trying to celebrate my birthday. Hours later this doctor comes in, I ask my family to leave the room, and as he’s attending to me she tells me to keep it real and tell the truth. I tell him everything that happened from my past, all the way until that moment. He looks me in my eyes, grabbed my hands and politely tells me “you matter” those words alone gave me the courage to fight my demons. He lets me know he’s the father of one of my old friends, and tells me I can come to him whenever I need to talk. It’s not everyday you’re offered free therapy sessions so I didn’t say no. I think in that moment he kind of saved my life. I just had to get this out there and let the people know that there is someone out there that cares. Just stick around a little longer and you will find them. I promise you life is worth living. Someone once told me “you’re right where you need to be”, and that shit sticks with me. And even though I still have those urges I know that there are people out there that matter",3.0108680635505403,3.8144657986798687,4.179216363496813,90.20087842505184,73.35643564356435,7.221367718167166,23.828996853173688,7.397020576406223,0.7908419372169777,2238,59,504,24,43,733,268,606,0.103,0.7859999999999999,0.111,0.6196,2,1,4,0,2,2,61.0,0,7,2,6,29,17,2,0,20,0,39,24,8,3,9,91,92,40,5,14,7,2,5,0,1,4,16,2,5,1,28,33,0,2,19,1,3,11,9,5,1,4,24,10,105,13,71,51,7,81,1,1,3,0,48,34,1,2,33,327,133,4,0.0,0.0,0.05684394608491231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163542718929056,0.0,0.0,0.0603298028539806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371033571696883,0.1089124418545662,0.0,0.10945625648046103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487002913589264,0.06562820545182342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410904632843146,0.0,0.0,0.23792051064935174,0.0,0.11878024305739165,0.0,0.0,0.10035505008236034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186032681963364,0.0,0.0,0.037566661576353466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090934882393375,0.0,0.0,0.05962170905437589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265576387854234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477758104194794,0.0,0.0,0.07694762335064992,0.05269078314342162,0.0,0.0,0.1047033304114998,0.0,0.10982650557203708,0.0,0.05890626183446718,0.0,0.0,0.06381041925156364,0.10647954269681148,0.09909544845538856,0.0,0.0638685102546377,0.045004081613235616,0.0,0.15216703767329934,0.0,0.1655251023868981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151059865374963,0.0,0.05218087867360651,0.0,0.059781671897344624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685971578599393,0.0,0.11472973675084815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780449151911106,0.0517755940789569,0.0,0.06065878340168025,0.16006436517982667,0.0,0.0,0.061678717774642684,0.0,0.17869481100141738,0.16457580033249644,0.0,0.058382161009747725,0.10287226551987592,0.0,0.09783125893863902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905671962519742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649487951752088,0.0,0.042820715044140055,0.1295757057224121,0.044926266629791385,0.0,0.0,0.054664014410917915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061123951302389935,0.12406945904106513,0.0394719496897746,0.0,0.12396497440944587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560655728170032,0.12115039020371952,0.050861965240599966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566852566557888,0.0557877404811949,0.0,0.12560747478061401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525373148282572,0.0,0.0,0.06630165932123158,0.0,0.05989106896690986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974548692543963,0.05540942906317617,0.0463230221843652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979315476739485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871067755200896,0.044843970963816114,0.0,0.0,0.04122990276440705,0.0,0.046518810646351584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274328731097953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379701940110672,0.04681943077533705,0.4073070386876499,0.0,0.06661436022961928,0.0,0.0,0.07464895392171822,0.05723068036971515,0.0,0.03396625182351246,0.0,0.0,0.05566071273797856,0.06471829035448871,0.15819267602049633,0.0,0.0569021350493913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806264530698446,0.13743027998276924,0.0924728447098614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240695392888708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03751132033782298
suicidewatch,thewonderinghand,2019/01/06,I am pretty much ready to die for the most hilarious reason. My entire family thinks I'm gay. I express myself in an alternative fashion and my style could be construed that way. I am 100% straight but shit with girls I have been fucking girls without people knowing but that's rare and I'm lonely. They now know that my secret girlfriend cheated on me but I assume that they don't believe me because I used this story to defend myself. My best friend is very camp and there are rumours he's gay and I'm afraid that he has feelings for me. I have suffered dark thoughts for years I wanted to die when people treated me like I was retarded. I went looking for rope a few times back when I was a virgin and that was the exact reason I wanted to die. There's just always something pushing me to go over the edge every problem I defeat gets replaced. Ill probably not get any sex or affection for a while so I'll start planning it in my head all over again. I want to go right now I heard you can die pretty quickly if you flood tight spaces with with aerosol and unfortunately I have been trying to see if I fit in a cupboard just a few minutes ago. Surfice to say I don't. I just can't take pressure that other people put on me and it's ruining my life I'm very an angry and I hate everyone atm. ,2.057142857142857,4.097861887218048,3.5979458646616567,88.2181067669173,78.62406015037594,5.609383458646617,24.173834586466164,6.55674776486733,0.7816395789473689,1026,36,206,9,25,339,154,266,0.221,0.659,0.12,-0.9896,0,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,2,3,14,15,4,2,10,0,19,9,2,4,2,42,44,18,4,7,11,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,0,2,11,11,0,1,9,0,1,5,5,11,0,0,8,6,38,4,24,34,6,29,0,4,2,5,15,11,2,5,13,137,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851066515824788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185641475939712,0.0,0.0,0.08324421428691252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941271098114876,0.0,0.07462109046796142,0.0,0.0,0.13791616752996508,0.12846362048378068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773585288166356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081764431478089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031372119184553,0.11696971035484904,0.0,0.0,0.11539894042069122,0.0,0.06189507864640721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457504462558446,0.11316772653257848,0.12791021491937607,0.0,0.1391388814857304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085629877402328,0.12562981144849372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454863592102154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646306680858673,0.05980421691018348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027950726715616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899867498908799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545947645014052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24907359475378205,0.1319806127228008,0.11713155012333523,0.0,0.1230576584377902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25171941375884554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045389990696142,0.0,0.0973467679649268,0.0,0.0,0.09754634722814133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565394243636194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423857577051446,0.0,0.0,0.08664369439561058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203843108997184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078436531702531,0.0,0.097181287038987,0.07137929865072018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831095694977977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572448268965523,0.0,0.20200509206235465,0.2166049344253438,0.0971647804109151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347695491392824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800059644558775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882917877099505
suicidewatch,madflavor508,2019/01/06,"Wanting to go peacefully I've had bouts with depression since I was about 17. I'm 21 now and really just don't see another way out right now. I used to be able go a while without a deep episode of depression, but loosing the girl I never thought I would really just pushed me over the edge. I came very close to sitting in my aunts garage with my truck running a couple weeks ago. I just don't see myself coming out of it. I just wish there was a way to go without having my mother find me. Her having to find me and bury me is just about the only thing stopping me. I wish I would just go in my sleep so it would be as peaceful and painless for her as possible. I don't really know what else to say or what I expect to gain out of posting here, maybe posting here and reading other threads will be somewhat therapeutic.  ",4.940294117647056,4.7676142058823565,5.755294117647061,84.07882352941179,68.70588235294119,8.91764705882353,29.94117647058824,8.548686976883017,2.015811764705882,645,22,138,9,10,212,97,170,0.039,0.8420000000000001,0.118,0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,15,2,0,0,7,0,16,1,1,1,1,37,31,10,0,7,10,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,1,4,1,0,8,6,2,0,0,5,3,23,0,25,19,1,29,0,2,2,0,6,9,0,2,7,98,29,1,0.13327736944311935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181423465150087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975294252902473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524338051465863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480665259045535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474688743127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295832060162324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113361403912105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436262022957653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029784017308353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073245756741612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389503130161853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279172360373788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013634451697712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025020875438128,0.2552857573176305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331343619208566,0.0,0.2561426868820516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381814528924925,0.0,0.10598751354308104,0.0,0.0,0.21240961593394986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024841725368233,0.0,0.13337362076541096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142584862000536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854356214161754,0.0,0.0,0.10580734411120543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151088554367034,0.0,0.1099677877258544,0.07861044559512467,0.21157874462607187,0.10690706660027398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30652479484167844,0.25694925625829496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28402925801356105,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MacduffFifesNo1Thane,2019/01/06,So dead inside. I don’t have anything going for me. ,-1.552727272727271,0.20096690909091208,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,107.1818181818182,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.1544909090909092,40,1,8,0,2,14,11,11,0.365,0.635,0.0,-0.6801,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8228408069472772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5682719475940666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nebula263,2019/01/06,"I've tried for 20+ years to get better. Everything keeps getting worse. I just wrote a suicide note. I've never done that before, but I need to make sure everyone knows how abusive my relatives all are, and that my cat goes to a loving home, rather than one she'd be abused in.

Everyone only helps me when it's convenient for them, leaving mentally impaired me to try and do the work of 10 people. I can barely add correctly, let alone help myself.

I almost starved when I had to live on my own because everything I encounter triggers me.

This isn't living.

This is Hell.",3.6460963618485738,5.310056893805308,4.657109144542776,84.03624385447398,72.98230088495575,7.854080629301867,27.59980334316617,8.515128840125781,2.0278287118977385,451,17,87,8,9,147,88,113,0.214,0.6559999999999999,0.13,-0.9218,0,1,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,3,4,18,18,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,15,3,11,12,2,6,1,0,0,1,6,2,1,1,4,55,20,1,0.0,0.3813021323197467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611273004226242,0.1666533827436832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808874258373357,0.0,0.13692186060409814,0.0,0.0,0.14231109350723484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466595754813845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30751123407977465,0.28922959088461025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813681046973686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157080629817897,0.0,0.1614050272080104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302347245699085,0.0,0.0,0.08843147715400923,0.0,0.0,0.1703795881003601,0.0,0.16454053841464106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28417150775195194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452268172057089,0.0,0.10740812708727626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215860713206545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931211804943599,0.12410307930262668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903622468667463,0.12237868218637525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111554165012132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600852623284094,0.0,0.15165499780738426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849354164060372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714379941220472,0.0,0.1639802012102108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362023626383607
suicidewatch,jevon177,2019/01/06,"I've been planning it for a long time. When I first got depressed and was aware of what was wrong with me I was at university. At first I tried to treat it with drugs and counselling but nothing helped so I thought about how to minimise the effect on those around me and began a plan that is only just coming to an end.
I decided to essentially make sure as few people as possible would be affected and those that were I would minimise the damage. The easiest part was drifting away from my friends. I made sure that I started seeing them less and less over the course of the 3 years I've been planning this till I barely ever speak to them. My parents were more difficult, I first dropped out of uni in my third year and they still supported me so I realised I had to do more to make them stop talking to me. I started stealing money from their bank account in such a way that I knew the bank would tell them who it was. I've not spent any of this money it just sits in a savings account but it was enough to make them cut off contact with me which I feel a weird sense of achievement for doing after so long. I've put my affairs in order. 2 years ago I even took out a large life insurance policy and left it to my sister, now it's been long enough, as of today, that I can end it all and even if ruled a suicide the money will go to her, so I guess when the drugs I've ordered online arrive tomorrow I'll go out get drunk one last time and that's it. I feel like in doing this I've finally achieved something and I just want there to be a record somewhere, even if no-one I know ever finds it that I did plan all this and it's not a spur of the moment thing. So yeah.",4.519194139194141,4.390511615384618,5.149084249084249,87.91615384615385,69.59829059829059,8.053235653235653,27.825396825396822,7.447530270364453,1.2926200244200243,1311,39,293,12,21,423,177,351,0.103,0.821,0.076,-0.8885,1,0,3,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,7,10,22,14,1,0,19,1,24,4,0,7,6,55,47,27,1,6,9,2,2,1,1,4,3,1,0,0,28,19,1,1,8,1,8,6,2,7,0,5,20,4,40,7,47,21,10,58,0,2,1,0,18,16,0,3,32,210,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428517097026687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233109266154474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946864126698487,0.0,0.0,0.0999323760622057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162307324444392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091611062712355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466966885009959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841367235983164,0.2198046627284747,0.0,0.21075703886719624,0.19242445614026574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075615574539871,0.07598638436131659,0.0,0.11651644261143855,0.09721466863439576,0.27141921182544443,0.0,0.0,0.08217647766732973,0.0,0.05557074258520602,0.0,0.12089809983527355,0.0,0.08506891946316683,0.0,0.11717181654909835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129347349949884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845481235936121,0.08670076665518209,0.0,0.0,0.11556467784268755,0.0,0.07512796115268823,0.051964024069858734,0.0,0.0,0.2823860870656245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064408461219172,0.2129961677725692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205902122962722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207492467113845,0.08089453138424864,0.0,0.0,0.1181045126715114,0.11518172792526375,0.0,0.07373932895334155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990930465331028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692508748413886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847582494542588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188411909151434,0.0,0.0,0.15056981777177422,0.0,0.08494234005358274,0.08892497480833117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634483224418207,0.12070048205029567,0.20049341536500773,0.0,0.0,0.08549126589387047,0.09296672815176968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066344237354634,0.0,0.0,0.08444104780132765,0.12404327938099168,0.0,0.10082053103991903,0.0,0.11817419556939238,0.07221409948909081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273617819198812,0.08442670515355538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667356745758024,0.1162922165738511,0.0,0.20548457389962085
suicidewatch,Toknowaway,2019/01/06,Everyday is harder to breath What is the point of this,2.91,5.0288472727272815,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,76.27272727272728,8.036363636363637,20.090909090909093,8.841846274778883,1.2269272727272729,44,1,9,1,1,14,10,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poetry-kid,2019/01/06,"I don't know how long I can keep going I'm a 19-year old girl, who is struggling with anxiety and depression for more than 3 years now. But now the depression is stronger than ever. I don't feel joy anymore, not even in things I love.
I don't know where to begin with, I'm so upset about so many things. 

I don't want to have a normal job. I'm a creative person, so I always wanted to become a writer, editor or just something where I can help or inspire people. I started my apprenticeship and yeah, it's real life having only 5 weeks of holidays a year, but that makes me so depressed, because I feel like I will live for work and not work to live. Where is my life, when I will work all the time?

I feel so lonely, even in the presence of my family. I feel like I'm disappointing my mother, because I'm being lazy or having unrealistic dreams about my life. 

I'm just pushing people away, I've never been in a relationship and all the friendship I had never lasted over 3 years.

Something that is new is, that I feel like life is pointless in general. I used to be a very inspired person, but now I ask myself all the time, what are we doing all of this for?

The conversation with other people are weird, we talk about stuff we want, stuff we have, stuff we do, how much things cost, things our brain think is funny... I don't know how to explain, it's just all of the sudden I think it's weird what people talk about, because to me everything feels strange and pointless. 

I also have thoughts about my parents passing away for some reason. Time is passing by so fast, and I'm thinking about the future with the thought of my parents passing away someday, and it makes me cry as if they already were dead, which is weird, I never thought about it before.

I'm so scared, because depression has never been worse than it is now, and I don't know what to do, I can't motivate or inspire myself anymore.",4.47671875,5.026739192708334,5.3347750000000005,84.17272500000003,69.83333333333334,7.7065,27.86,7.554174236665415,1.4900669999999998,1486,48,303,15,25,486,165,384,0.159,0.731,0.11,-0.9634,4,2,2,0,0,0,50.0,6,0,1,4,33,20,0,3,16,1,38,6,1,8,10,76,75,29,1,5,13,3,6,3,0,2,4,0,0,3,23,17,0,1,22,2,1,5,13,12,0,0,7,6,43,8,41,64,8,42,0,6,0,1,22,11,0,6,29,216,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435316904456829,0.06112884344720864,0.06360399857086224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058476202384622186,0.0,0.15161539146672232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146085113659628,0.0,0.2154529946385017,0.0,0.0,0.18638785756171625,0.08442170243697185,0.06504460037699064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533204531576741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839654801466762,0.0,0.0,0.26334979154444826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097547284667983,0.06914413351434495,0.0,0.0,0.06869912179577439,0.0,0.07206059686014522,0.0,0.2319014174847317,0.16382572603104098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043442473604016665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123595564960242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585466073728753,0.06794316531670072,0.0,0.0,0.1680371583281668,0.062308601574345576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159666346284136,0.11203380766558683,0.0,0.13499540598339912,0.06764677663919598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898986215561892,0.0,0.10204825836881452,0.07749791259638353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619201426808537,0.0,0.2358202017757776,0.07382599048623681,0.0,0.0,0.0748947289666112,0.0,0.0,0.08021066299722336,0.0,0.0,0.0581358772248328,0.0,0.0,0.16975460098175754,0.0,0.0,0.21197480231687185,0.13348848909022473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700517454544994,0.0,0.07859279786548154,0.0,0.08206768873516145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652952851440968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769411387170198,0.0,0.0,0.054104451128879086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991142745665641,0.2625156899368373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287875713609345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031327032775143,0.14693852307964453,0.0,0.18205387819343075,0.13371790535020872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601940448996206,0.0,0.06307080225232223,0.1352584417208759,0.0,0.06131535967360785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694715334260832,0.0,0.07789863948969325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689878092553
suicidewatch,tanicida,2019/01/06,"I'm losing my goddamn mind I can't take it anymore. Just a week ago I finally made up my mind to die after a month of pain and suddenly got something given to me as a hope to keep on. Now just about every second day something happens to make me want to die again and then I stand up and try to move on with my life, to forget and study for exams. But then it happens and suddenly things get fixed again and again - someone fcking destroys the day, then acts like nothing happened. It never stops, just constant heating and cooling.

I'm having a panic attack. Stuck in this house, nowhere to go, no one to talk to without having this shit hit the fan on my face. I can only be isolated, but the walls are closing in. It's either pain or being invisible, non-existent. 

Got rid of some of my addictions to fix this mess, so no escape there. That adds in to the fact that I can't feel any genuine emotion anymore, it's just nothingness. And worst of all, people have it worse, they work all day long, have no free time, no money and here I am a wasteful lazy freak. Why the fuck do they want me to live?! Like why?? I'm useless! I waste my life, get nothing done, no talents, no future, I don't even feel any desire to date anyone. Everything in my life is just pinned on dumb luck, and I feel like there's no me left anymore, just a doll on a couple of strings. WTF???",2.687360703812317,4.057844541218644,3.9050130335614206,89.65327712609972,74.91397849462365,6.363049853372433,24.868198110133594,6.7829847944221076,0.8247906810035839,1053,34,224,9,22,344,156,279,0.233,0.631,0.13699999999999998,-0.9898,0,0,2,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,2,2,16,21,5,1,12,1,15,9,2,2,4,44,40,18,2,4,11,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,12,13,0,2,3,0,2,3,13,13,0,2,6,4,22,9,36,31,5,42,0,2,0,1,3,14,3,4,27,144,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131895520021569,0.0,0.0,0.09203864492560217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121532975012854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30891308683896346,0.07260004621905893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812111985742928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122028739661141,0.0,0.0,0.11488543914034567,0.0,0.2008844400487528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551739242509613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625369416235476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679428589096072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857844864415409,0.0,0.08748088690209048,0.0,0.09331531832732412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749804384309088,0.07417586220018657,0.0,0.1137402136428256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959887600373624,0.10849332492942584,0.0,0.059008734716235335,0.0,0.1660839767717907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754484250910369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312618607649153,0.0,0.11980537793795328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228848832364422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281112650534356,0.0,0.22001367774039254,0.1521776429226419,0.0,0.09168340841033926,0.09188589796925524,0.0,0.11615872500232377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824604518567333,0.0693070410910309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096765249527189,0.0,0.08287576843480265,0.11035439612303401,0.0,0.0,0.08007976165305956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992545364184657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035760058109652,0.07896706315403276,0.22096395602685648,0.12182162355610245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198234722116628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657955671487576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797445374344917,0.15986614405114186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086806165775349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806691136069896,0.08345427159831469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897974957154784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054385450472735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049345929058694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248273549660525,0.0,0.083285814385025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738006606436947,0.0,0.0,0.10008799578756623,0.0,0.0755891601463641,0.0,0.10581119745395792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zecival,2019/01/06,"trapped As the title says, I feel trapped. I feel like my life is over. It's been over for a long time now actually. I went from being an honor roll, student of the year, to someone holed up in their single mothers house wasting time playing video games all fricking day. I was in and out of the hospital a few times last year for suicidal idiations. I thought this year would be great, but I'm still failing at life; not in school, taking some crappy alternative program. Basically no one to talk to, no friends, no family, to help me get through this. Can't even talk to my mom about being suicidal or she'll throw me into the hospital. I'm too much of a shitty pussy to do it, but ever since my mom locked all of the pills away, I've been thinking about hanging myself using the shower hose or drinking bleach. All of the counselors and people at the hospital say talk to someone if you're feeling suicidal, but the only option for that is to hospitalize me and prescribe useless, shitty medications. Because of being hospitalized multiple times, for periods ranging from a day (if you lie and say ""Oh I'm not suicidal, just caught up in the moment haha"") to a fucking month (Me: In hopes of progress with my depression, I'll be truthful and admit I am suicidal. Please help me. | Doctors: Uh, we'll prescribe you Prozac. Hope that helps, I guess? Catch up on school bud). I did not know one could hate the world so much. I'm not sure what to do at this point, or rather, have no intention of trying anymore. I'm pretty sure that if I have anymore fights with my mom, I'll drink a gallon of bleach to kms. In the meanwhile, I'll probably play mobile games and waste my life some more because I'm an unmotivated piece of trash. sigh. i dont know what to do anymore",4.565258620689658,5.559825066091957,5.3914367816091975,82.23474137931036,69.89080459770115,8.328735632183909,30.017241379310345,8.59863814320734,2.2106068965517243,1385,54,274,22,24,452,187,348,0.218,0.654,0.127,-0.9927,1,2,2,0,1,1,51.0,1,2,1,3,10,19,3,0,20,1,23,10,0,2,7,50,47,17,5,8,15,4,3,1,2,3,7,4,1,0,10,10,2,0,8,7,0,5,10,6,2,2,7,7,27,12,52,31,11,42,0,3,0,1,24,20,1,12,18,174,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.08300240935362238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530581599145956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799129338516992,0.0,0.0,0.10369872479897974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791031360846103,0.0,0.0,0.10970819715970102,0.0,0.07325862831540389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705844407602432,0.0,0.0,0.09968502595351084,0.16664504351956272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617870126924746,0.07693804270907299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018324906359439,0.0,0.12902064322661058,0.06076404010764053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571407268358323,0.0786329230532126,0.04443826166543924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377456606597903,0.09369879906931196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397521389862031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710337787308358,0.0,0.0,0.168959645928704,0.0,0.09814323115632777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348913210027834,0.0693320113422934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023275418580964,0.04155407668459545,0.0,0.0,0.07527190414668815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085684995221912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29884975982551704,0.06789090639126014,0.0,0.12505192773208618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527232543786592,0.06468893856230984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896713706926152,0.0,0.0,0.09336597184211386,0.08040543464365968,0.0,0.0,0.08653255398403274,0.09170477911615768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202919891105034,0.0,0.17216247319810654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035922149617534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441353852089438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792585015375921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651874222088395,0.0,0.1603285909042307,0.0,0.06395154423953832,0.2050944292174806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054500465379150737,0.0,0.06752498172479386,0.19838740497375185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774745666048727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734610950214955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884778582603279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604213586425372,0.0,0.0,0.16431987118332264
suicidewatch,CautionarySparkle,2019/01/06,"My greatest dream will always be ending myself I can't wait for the day when the scales tip and I finally have the means and motivation to end my life. It needs to happen it has to happen


So sick of the fucking mental illness. The isolation, the pain. The never ending nightmare that is my life, only faintly distracted by electronics and media 


It has to fucking end. I want out.",2.0462404870624056,4.795766287671235,3.7377168949771686,82.71181126331811,84.75342465753424,5.984170471841705,23.179604261796044,7.3871296695380915,1.4315887366818871,301,11,52,5,9,100,50,73,0.17600000000000002,0.705,0.12,-0.6997,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,7,0,7,8,0,1,1,10,15,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,13,1,9,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,8,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502909031701526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015782737375855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.660079516740902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409908731157464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444906192512884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32951565889752416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26319973317375883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295176630214068,0.0,0.0,0.1877618011106769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815028739761512,0.14369769268099875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170103080714744,0.19825240479790945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098934744609519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,barfypuke,2019/01/06,i don’t want to face the world anymore i don’t want to face my life. i don’t want to face this ugly horrible world anymore. i cant handle anymore stress. i cant handle anymore trauma. i’m so tired and i feel like the smallest thing can push me over the edge to a mental breakdown. i don’t want to try anymore. i just want to avoid all my responsibilities and isolate myself completely. i just want to rest ,0.6071764705882359,2.9234238941176467,2.717941176470589,90.71573529411766,86.52941176470587,4.811764705882354,21.44117647058824,6.2581,0.2916117647058827,321,11,68,3,10,108,44,85,0.174,0.6459999999999999,0.179,-0.6812,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,7,5,3,0,1,13,15,3,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,1,13,1,8,15,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7452920471877057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758795512809975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599680591393497,0.1073752117596282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616218689233667,0.07342957735496633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146826465507054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721695239173923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985344285425027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274912635643724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204465299732593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319092736132741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asheristrasher,2019/01/06,"real talk: how bad do i have to be to get a ticket to residential i'm gonna blow up one of these days and all these three-day hospitalizations don't do jack. they just drug me some more until they're sure i wont try to kill myself until i'm tolerant to them and say they'll see me back next month. i need residential before i kill myself or do something stupid(er than what i've done in the past) or just fucking drop dead. what do i have to do to get there? try to strangle myself with a pair of pants in the hospital like that one girl did when i was 16? destroy my room like my roommate from my second attempt? yeah, i know it's fucked up, but i feel like a ticking time bomb. i want to trash my room because i'm frustrated by 10 years of shit piling up and just slit my wrists when it's done and spend the afterlife screaming into the void. ",2.86774358974359,3.7524539111111146,4.101111111111114,90.32115384615385,73.7777777777778,7.094017094017095,23.290598290598286,7.321109707123232,0.6380213675213668,664,17,153,7,13,218,112,180,0.159,0.745,0.096,-0.9482,0,0,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,3,1,8,13,7,0,7,1,15,5,2,1,2,21,28,12,3,2,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,2,2,1,7,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,9,0,3,4,4,22,4,24,20,3,20,0,0,1,2,6,8,3,3,14,95,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822700854446625,0.13923639875017155,0.10165444603787152,0.0,0.14189921823396334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509089971360426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413037267056899,0.0,0.0,0.19338694095467607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843181182801456,0.119132320057729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083311293869083,0.1742488880646545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689871902537545,0.0,0.09164612151825316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440936882356015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310505975056008,0.0,0.0,0.12364932964215493,0.0,0.0,0.1773495779283001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22599977788731304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918987652639285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898077039255088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261306835633266,0.0,0.0,0.13288495019718344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711752244672327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837885583383035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716793165968088,0.0,0.0,0.13403418173156145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723823408914299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264361776211769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835849570138896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738701953205003
suicidewatch,Crocowile,2019/01/06,"No money or job and about to be homeless, no reason to keep living 25, dropped out of high school and never had a job, autistic and family is gone. No point living really when there's no one I care about around and I'm just gonna be homeless. Sayonara amigos, living as a human was kind of interesting ",4.571721311475411,5.20010449180328,5.832909836065571,80.40543032786887,69.65573770491804,8.067213114754097,25.08606557377049,8.07648339933343,1.4362754098360662,238,6,46,3,4,80,45,61,0.139,0.773,0.08800000000000001,-0.2944,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,11,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,9,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,31,1,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376540734304026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219210074021106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051924472340375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997194880056365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319920774733456,0.1934680667607852,0.0,0.22666157222431454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5765988402686872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787442242363215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749346547552966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057610298675194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943990855439534,0.2237928803210817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028565573194728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quatermaine08,2019/01/06,"28 and pathetic I’ve had it.
By the end of this year I am going to end my life. 
I’m a loser who lives at home.
I have incurred 90,000 dollars in education debt.
I have not learned anything in college and graduate school in spite of being in school for 10 years, probably because I made the mistake of studying subjects I am not interested in. Also because I have adhd. Right now I’m struggling to get a masters in education. I’m probably going to fail my student teaching because I have never really studied properly for any of my classes. I still live with my mom who is close to retirement age. I am 28 and completely financially dependent on my mother. I have never been able to take college or graduate school seriously. If I am not going to change now when will I? I’m tired of being such a failure. There is no point to my life anymore. I’ve spent the last 28 years living off my mom working dead end jobs. I am not going to do that forever. If I cannot be a independent functioning adult than I am ending everything soon.",2.94361517615176,4.919917087804882,5.1414227642276416,78.48600948509484,75.6829268292683,8.262872628726289,30.413279132791327,8.998388855275968,2.8655149051490514,813,39,152,19,18,283,114,205,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.9885,2,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,4,8,7,1,1,7,0,21,3,0,3,2,19,33,8,1,3,7,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,4,8,6,0,0,4,0,22,1,27,25,0,32,0,2,0,0,6,12,0,4,16,103,27,14,0.11642047640900653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991478871631738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931014129227229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916991618636937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545782948252525,0.0,0.0,0.0958041324171466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290652552940706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315742723644525,0.0,0.12206465452258836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124559466809903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463121736076113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060824893845743126,0.0,0.26465775861668034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167792301836672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115529358861733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489822670733787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446245090040967,0.0,0.0,0.3084042407734684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101598697075582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27270050981539645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958129700267586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005498063001463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510419285471606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458193830428264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942245074261563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35347121255553915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297354284669274,0.0,0.0,0.12170795953814365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753370955251599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380821148822367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475549338693872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249129094364406
suicidewatch,alreadydeadinside188,2019/01/06,"38 male about to end my life. goodbye I am 38, obese around 440 can't lose weight because of my hormones and meds I am on. I am on disability ssdi and unable to work and get about 800 usd a month to live on.

Past 8 years I have spent trying to find a nice woman to settle down with and make a simple easy life with and all I got was bs games and treated horribly and abused horribly. 

I have posted my entire life story on reddit and things I have been through and have been bullied and abused by many people calling me a liar and dming me telling me I am worthless and a liar and need to die. 

My entire life I have spent single and alone and lonely and having absolutely no family or friends in my life. I go months to years no one to talk too and I was banned from the r4r30plus discord server for asking if anyone had an active reddit account and then the mod who runs the server and sub asked what is reddit, when I told him to go away and stop trolling he banned me from the sub. 
I have tried on a website called 7 cups of tea and was banned for simply asking a listener their age, I know many listeners on there are under 16 and become an adult listener 18+ and me being my age, there were no 35+ adult listeners available so I picked 18-35 and was okay with talking to someone over 25 but couldn't find anyone.

I have tried reaching out making friends only to get ghosted or abused or used then tossed aside.I am 38 and don't go for that whole ghosting, bullying, trolling stuff. I am too much of an adult and don't find any sense in it.

I am tired of being single and alone and unwanted and unloved and not desired or needed by a woman, no one to get close to, make a life with, make memories with to cherish and share things with in life. 

I am tired of all the bs and crap I get in my life every time I try to better my life or try to make friends. I am just sick of it all. I am ending my life because I can't take anymore. 

Goodbye.",4.616193693693695,4.3847466093366085,5.2881234643734665,87.353986998362,69.3931203931204,7.962694512694513,27.032043407043403,7.1686216300943375,1.1379517608517609,1518,41,336,12,24,492,190,407,0.17800000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.073,-0.9899,0,4,0,0,3,1,28.0,0,0,1,3,10,16,3,0,17,1,35,17,1,7,3,73,63,43,3,6,9,0,1,0,3,0,14,4,0,6,8,41,3,4,4,1,3,4,10,7,0,2,12,5,40,9,54,48,7,36,0,3,0,0,28,17,1,6,14,216,48,1,0.0,0.2686984359355197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658450168868776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140629213936012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749686143178839,0.1057137122965814,0.0,0.0,0.0672943987464754,0.21200964898856195,0.0,0.07102274732765572,0.0,0.0,0.09216240694235807,0.08348727644113407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668564636814948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437919087733595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845430135468366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390711971822072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369093265804013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126299040306178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727375208204596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752104605021241,0.0,0.15797830352727718,0.0,0.1288848849893664,0.0,0.060459168595253736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041544307579559056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339404918049678,0.0,0.0,0.06675060116226335,0.0,0.0,0.08456998772825675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522968298090829,0.15328024585563416,0.0,0.0,0.0839675330565038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067630252244756,0.0,0.05557005004117597,0.1121035063472239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244846295642257,0.057492397249878785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216271768410075,0.05240713705340142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239784592640487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640502766652677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319969829396305,0.0,0.0,0.08653667379844067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683703687024061,0.12151866723397466,0.06607220506086964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004421592032337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044079280591137034,0.17376762138326454,0.0,0.07223299725351667,0.0,0.25661572073075184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528866528423227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920527327460252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843976400451055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055033096703147884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735969827382254
suicidewatch,HiggsBosonBlueBalls,2019/01/06,"I think I'm actually going to do it I've already tried it once, over a year ago, but everything's so much worse now. 2 weeks ago I (m) was sexually assaulted or raped, I don't know which, and since then nothing's been going well. Everyone I go to for support have gone back to uni so I'm alone. I've got three fucking essays to do, one that'll go towards my final grade, in for tomorrow and the day after, and no one at college that'll give any sympathy unless I talk about all of this, which I don't know how to do. My parents don't even know that I'm depressed, let alone a suicidal sexual assault survivor.

Honestly at this point, suicide is preferable to talking. I'm thinking of doing tomorrow too, and I'm not sure how scared I am by that",4.868974358974357,4.503987435897437,6.3738461538461575,80.23782051282053,68.87179487179486,9.753846153846156,32.717948717948715,9.444778638647367,2.7837102564102567,584,24,124,11,9,201,100,156,0.266,0.626,0.108,-0.9872,1,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,4,1,3,0,15,2,0,2,2,18,34,12,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,6,0,0,5,5,6,1,3,4,0,9,4,19,27,2,23,0,1,0,2,4,6,1,1,12,77,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.13895738629762985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524498912115403,0.0,0.0,0.2949574157964922,0.15713688364929793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683376657065801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949328620054344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183326394652304,0.0,0.12264496408878997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405083002725248,0.0,0.0,0.1360649232546084,0.1279758191743559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598721919319267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164226857398098,0.0,0.13659865928731185,0.3237063881521893,0.0,0.11388662311877315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23477039181854015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560896156302455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467701579058096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663224312708028,0.0,0.0,0.15164647192116065,0.19298163969015664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811325932111547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460969541988652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256265359219222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177909604935806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115149491782857,0.16158863185593988,0.13420599543030953,0.0,0.0,0.2289040848348305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824824671974595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667714112598548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422101443344634,0.0,0.1280305809693864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451130951993409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169797999123283
suicidewatch,TheRealSlimShadyTree,2019/01/06,"I can’t talk to my friends or family about this out of fear of judgement or having them prevent it. Is someone available just to talk about it? I feel so selfish asking for something and giving nothing in return, but I’m not sure where to go or what to do.",5.354654088050316,4.934442452830191,5.994339622641512,83.55238993710694,67.86792452830188,7.821383647798742,32.76100628930818,6.42735559955562,1.8720742138364788,202,8,41,1,3,66,42,53,0.128,0.784,0.08800000000000001,-0.5004,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,9,6,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,11,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,1,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840968685753226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28648119340901385,0.341961628026512,0.1536563154923749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347852723107861,0.0,0.0,0.2915197388199676,0.17270814044008456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915914112086201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574856821677109,0.2339499786868238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864134753594295,0.0,0.0,0.4885118153723474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elvindesouza,2019/01/06,"URGENT!! NEED HELP!! u / Stickeyes aged 41 said that he's going to commit suicide tomorrow please help
This guy is for real he's been involved in this sub please please don't let him do it call the police",-0.372134146341466,1.5152391951219537,1.0867987804878076,96.39897865853659,108.26829268292684,3.025609756097561,14.88109756097561,5.148860815047168,-0.8329780487804883,161,4,32,1,8,51,34,41,0.086,0.5529999999999999,0.361,0.9088,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284419224992252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714455767749375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215167990198213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999080106548109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22876764487089396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588466595353515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7367282292780155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25464098877213937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128078233394779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447120716356009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeBabaganoosh,2019/01/06,"I feel empty without the one that meant more than everything to me. I'm talking about my sister. I grew up with her, I saw her everyday. She is 6 years younger than me. She was the closest friend I've had throughout my youth. We moved around every year, so we always stuck close because we always had to make new friends at new schools. Our parents split up. So wed get sent back and forth to wherever they happen to be living at the time. We'd play role play games revolving around tv shows we watched and video games we played when we didny have access to a tv. Later as a young adult, her as a teenager id take her around town, I never wanted her to forget id always be her big brother. That I'll always give her love care and to talk to her. At this point in life, I had gotten a girlfriend, I had finally settled and made a circle of friends in a rural California town. She grew distant and became stuck to her phone. She grew cold towards me and always seems to find faults in my behavior and nagged me a lot more. She grew easily aggitated with me. One day she never came home. She moved with her dad and filed a police repot on me. Her testimony stated that I sexually abused her since she was 3 years old and that my mom was emotionally abusive. Now I admit I am far from perfect and so is our mom. But this is also far from true. Investigators came through one cold morning where I learned the news. There was one time when we were living in Sacramento where we were bored, I was around 13 and she was turning 8 or 9. The biggest regret of my life was exposing her to pornography. I never touched her, penetrated her anything like that. But she touched me, I even asked her and she curiously agreed. It haunts me. Its the reason why I feel suicidal. Its hard to live with. I told the police this, it came out like a million pounds came off my chest. But she told police that I forced her on me numerous times since a hideously young age. I told them that I didnt even know what a vagina was until I was 9 or 10. I was even made fun on in the 4th grade because of it. I was more concerned with video games and books like the loser I was. They told me that they had found holes and inconsistencies in her testimonies and they will have to continue investigating. However, I just got a letter in the mail today, confirming that I am guilty of sexual abuse, assault and exploitation. I was never consulted or contacted by CPS. A judge never got to hear the truth. In California, especially at the advent of the #MeToo movement... I've already been declared done for. No doubt, I did absolute wrong. And I have faced that and will for the rest of my life... But I never raped her. I never forced her to do anything. And it certainly wasn't for years! Especially at 3 years old! But it doesn't matter. My life is over. I feel... Betrayed. She meant everything to me. I'd die for her. I knocked on bully's house and forced him to apologize to her once. I confronted another bully spreading false rumors about her too. I was her big brother. I took her out for ice cream every week. I spent so much time with her and built so much wonderful memories and now thinking about any of it feels like a jagged knife ripping apart my ribcage. I feel like I'm hopeless. My father refuses to talk to me or even hear my story. My mother is still confused and totally distraught as the testimony declared her to be abusive too. Which is also absolutely untrue. Our mother sacrificed a lot for our well being. I feel like nobody even cares about me, nobody wanted to even hear me out except for the initial investigators that found zero inconsistencies in my words. I was never contacted after that. Just an immediate, yep he sexually assaulted her, her word is absolute truth, It doesnt matter what I say. I feel like life is meaningless now. I want to be free, she meant everything to me. I dont feel like I have much to lose. My mom is basically in an emotional coma... She doesnt even seem alive. She is stuck in her room all day like a corpse now. I dont talk to anybody anymore. I feel like a social outcast, I feel like my life is already over...",2.269370491110508,4.551601512224941,3.682748347369377,86.64612227957382,79.11002444987777,6.8267922364091875,23.301699417428843,7.921354282810032,1.2558852183887224,3239,108,655,57,81,1063,336,818,0.131,0.7559999999999999,0.112,-0.9595,2,0,0,0,2,1,104.0,13,0,5,3,38,43,5,3,35,1,58,12,3,4,15,119,117,45,2,4,13,11,13,11,4,2,7,4,2,1,27,49,0,1,24,12,2,13,17,15,1,6,52,22,141,29,96,57,11,104,0,4,3,3,114,47,0,11,54,444,168,6,0.0,0.2290940516161139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668602261514558,0.07731295988418513,0.20110855664354088,0.0,0.0,0.03287200678270898,0.05068739283820373,0.0,0.0,0.0479390497892161,0.0,0.0,0.07955734304971263,0.17212693932762585,0.04519020486609319,0.0,0.0,0.03716951404569229,0.0,0.05893370519521174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114660409908848,0.09856915199781333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234898800772521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050167989538565404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049467322866052085,0.1133053071445106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874917233936683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349101376982314,0.0,0.08145496137540398,0.0,0.13033125153256894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441523804506385,0.2417324825527902,0.0,0.05295273651875358,0.04418074066268938,0.0,0.0,0.1060018860564458,0.11203919221432257,0.0,0.02525500113386584,0.046370932512730376,0.0,0.0,0.07732182647028255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274579591276433,0.0,0.04330202421688093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344384911468174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048487706335831125,0.0,0.0,0.055776426017626855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026565712166829937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048585268969879,0.2597745807106194,0.0,0.12805200236232026,0.0,0.0,0.054078695321585483,0.0,0.08219175122044163,0.04362760805264662,0.09147858577201944,0.03226649017305833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984127507217076,0.0,0.10275287999615564,0.10660362686246164,0.0,0.2982545844420629,0.09337172959606016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144677080212937,0.05147918985397376,0.13102234878376318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367446002472085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456957420698092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970028456212603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384409132121626,0.0,0.0489213944568949,0.0,0.0880115628417675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799726250338808,0.0,0.0,0.04927526694800236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860338722444115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528747454785403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634472325766319,0.15541142094869995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030973518390732563,0.0,0.0,0.11274685259467343,0.0,0.04581948175023963,0.1847589839170653,0.053706128517584634,0.0,0.05257867786106935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553433934828505,0.0,0.038774428529994485,0.0,0.04346234041148115,0.0,0.043618202170482144,0.0,0.0,0.046596828860127774,0.052421311068480775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285083345663722,0.0,0.15564284685926347
suicidewatch,anon3728921795347,2019/01/06,"I need help. Hey guys, 

I've been desperate the last months and especially the last week since my girlfriend dropped a nuke on me. 


I need help, so let me tell my story. I will change a couple of details for her sake.

So, i am a 25 years old student from Europe and i've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. 
Our relationship has always been great, except the normal up and downs, but nothing major. 
Neither of us ever cheated or did any of those big fuck ups. 

Now, she's always been the type of person that really lives in the moment and rarely thinks about the consequences of her actions. This lead to a couple of disputes over the years, where she would go partying with her friends and drink not only a couple of drinks too much. 
She's also incredibly beautiful and legitimately always was a girl who would make people's heads turn once she entered a room. This fact paired with her getting along with everyone and having a lot of guy friends has led to countless instances of sheer jealousy of my behalf. 

Now, like i said, our relationship has always been great and we were planning on moving in together this year aswell. I was going to propose to her later this year too. 
But before all this would happen she wanted to fullfill a lifelong dream of hers: To go to New Zealand with her best friends for 6 months. 
I entirely supported her and even contributed my own money to make her dream come true. We are talking about 4000 euros here. 
I was incredibly happy for her when she finally booked the flight as her eyes always lit up with pure joy when talking about this. 

She left in September. The first two months were going great. She was traveling the country, got around to meet a few people, made incredible experiences. We talked daily and our relationship was despite the distance great. She send me naughty pictures, told me how much she would miss me and that she can't wait having her arms around my neck again. 
Then everything changed, she changed. 

After some time i realised that our talks were getting rarer each day and that she stopped asking things. She started drinking a lot and partying and eventually moved into a house with her friends and a couple of backpackers. They moved in with 7 guys. 3 girls with 7 guys. 
They were having constant house parties, to a point where it was daily. 
Then shit hit the fan in Germany: 
My father who's had beaten cancer two years before had one of his routine exams. The cancer was back, worse than ever before, and there was nothing that could be done anymore. 
I was devastated. 
I remember how i called her and cried my eyes out for hours and she cried aswell. 
Over the next couple of weeks my father's condition got exponentially worse with each day and I've never felt lost more in my life. 
I was constantly drinking, crying, being depressed. I didn't go out anymore, skipped lectures, stopped showering. I was a sobbing, of alcohol and sweat stinking mess. 

My girlfriend didn't care. At one point she stopped talking to me about it and eventually even said i should man up and not talk to her about it anymore. 

I can't describe how i felt. My life was falling apart and the only anchor in my life was miles away and couldn't give less fucks about me. 
It was obvious partying was more important. 

A few days ago then, she dropped the nuke: She told me that she was planning on staying longer there and admitted to me that she was constantly smoking weed there (daily) and even takes cocaine and ecstasy when she's out partying.

She never did drugs before, never. Yes, she was bound to drink too much, but drugs? No.

Yesterday my father passed away and i can't breathe anymore. I feel like I'm drowning.
And the girl that i love more than anything, that i wanted to move in with and marry this year is nothing but a mere stranger to me. 

Everything has fallen apart. I'm lost. I don't want to live. I've been drinking nonstop and been roaming the streets in the hope someone would end me. 

What can i do? WHAT IS THERE",4.514740202553941,6.367720380449146,4.606589828269488,84.50728676794365,71.08718626155878,7.3187934830471155,27.94031263760457,7.965292045401009,1.7638725847644203,3156,116,592,43,60,980,332,757,0.119,0.732,0.149,0.9834,1,0,10,0,0,0,84.0,8,0,2,8,37,30,5,0,36,1,65,25,8,8,10,110,111,49,1,15,8,3,3,2,7,7,8,2,2,9,26,55,7,5,6,10,2,19,14,12,0,5,47,9,98,18,89,51,19,114,0,5,3,3,94,39,4,5,55,411,124,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171116930846802,0.05028718439845722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03762964181479738,0.1957664785754851,0.0,0.0,0.03199882252134438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666254922457784,0.0,0.0,0.038722024446900385,0.08377735224829815,0.04398981038096944,0.0,0.0884189149668646,0.0361821744262462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016040063225234,0.0,0.049381024585586256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048048129171431336,0.0,0.04797542209252242,0.0,0.14933296052937706,0.04053347394222103,0.0,0.15254830435673095,0.0,0.03756936427501683,0.2603257581059669,0.15506219803367718,0.09103920312042232,0.0,0.040528160558024016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815331462603194,0.0,0.27657426443540023,0.10913707040048136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167651448767858,0.0,0.0,0.09323759442418833,0.0851273746079074,0.0,0.04496280052710308,0.08457949473225887,0.046028544312464864,0.0,0.0,0.023792279782048675,0.0336159006831807,0.09035981888485133,0.05154614469033247,0.0,0.040024719976351465,0.0,0.0,0.14541743681989866,0.08700265904316035,0.04916829717156235,0.04513917417431903,0.1337114060304199,0.0,0.07526791469117786,0.2075119754313994,0.0,0.18636627912256284,0.041610332645271884,0.05009062339557573,0.0,0.0,0.0482917170204143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630795726013829,0.0,0.0,0.04673595326235158,0.046339419801712536,0.10858965616615472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767117526523597,0.0,0.0,0.05112508991573037,0.04811663827176085,0.0997084188910683,0.04597711779322555,0.0,0.08310035798706783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273156866797377,0.08000847886794764,0.04246872107125938,0.044524312889868516,0.06281878068834522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267588342530654,0.2000468783234426,0.10377189803629064,0.06978095587794074,0.10887450046203556,0.045445740864030464,0.05004322752174059,0.0,0.046103633995035136,0.13545081597109174,0.0,0.04937601217532545,0.0501117400762518,0.06377099081256353,0.07157446839146406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524363487945728,0.04108636567941658,0.0,0.0,0.08896383784163077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03014445792109459,0.0,0.0,0.15155747553146734,0.053303823901504316,0.0,0.08951962645596327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830099289868014,0.03892414983881135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986931074310348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033305572324858014,0.05015406966560215,0.0,0.11801955626143752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053397137541398236,0.0,0.0,0.035379292685017515,0.22692480457307676,0.04112789846046571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031261064475257234,0.030150763973679412,0.0,0.0,0.027437985075456767,0.0,0.0,0.08992560105420616,0.0,0.0,0.051182022211320746,0.09193124636531484,0.0,0.056601033308738675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326227730416222,0.0,0.07548891463179462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590555739496953,0.16713161169602492,0.0,0.0,0.21211187417923408
suicidewatch,Throwawaysad112223,2019/01/06,I want to kill myself 😥😖 Im so disappointed in myself and lonely. Im going to spend my life being stuck and desperately single. 😞 Ill never be happy and love myself. ,-0.3011428571428567,1.9798840285714296,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,94.42857142857142,5.085714285714286,12.714285714285715,6.742157984588678,-0.10002857142857112,131,2,24,2,5,50,27,35,0.449,0.4370000000000001,0.114,-0.9441,0,2,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,3,1,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339199485542304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435091897087843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6971205071053355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570083464057341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792528061210035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29124005600707314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488781924866588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190330747694302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JimmyTheSeal,2019/01/06,"My final goodbye I have posted a lot of these, idk quite how many but all of them have been about me saying goodbye, I've always come back though this time I won't. For anyone thinking of suicide, please talk to someone first, that is all I ask. For all the people who try and help people every day, thank you so much for what you do. To anyone trying to help me, it's not going to happen, I just lost my best friend, there isn't any coming back from this, I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you all make it through your troubles",5.367817109144539,4.326401194690266,5.539070796460177,88.89438790560473,68.02654867256639,7.533333333333332,25.028023598820056,3.1291,0.3572076696165189,417,7,94,0,6,132,77,113,0.1,0.613,0.287,0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,5,1,5,8,8,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,5,19,18,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,1,16,6,14,15,9,10,0,1,0,0,13,0,0,3,6,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275616347103028,0.0,0.0,0.10849765865012707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231184120476618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915522055896316,0.0,0.0,0.24536410410099596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348701687824089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748718029704645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102894831805665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344255106341207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477630645975364,0.0,0.13571088131959974,0.0,0.0,0.12326587495006767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067442703205776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108718108778934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388243055929831,0.0,0.0,0.1584665029584931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741647628204918,0.13564143842386892,0.0,0.0,0.10649908476155588,0.16175595535627713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728564869438644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122006587970772,0.0,0.0,0.1751350622430179,0.0,0.0,0.15280224360537478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969822943375165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687844424777364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518393886949026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451888848966246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282381040187416,0.0,0.14688974985400566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223148978293656,0.15675444619418386,0.0,0.09303333386028348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664433448436626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347156090736985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mightyaubs,2019/01/06,"I have hpv again after surviving a precancer scare six years ago I can't go through this again. I can't go through coaching my (already bad) anxiety, I can't go through the evisceration of my self-esteem knowing I fucked someone who was willing to lie to me, I can't deal with how my friends abandoned me when this happened six years ago and I still have no one, not even the one person I thought I could rely on

I was just making wonderful progress recovering from sexual assault years ago and communicating better with my nesting partner about it, having more fun with sex, feeling confident, exercising--but now I know he's gone and given me hpv again from a woman who was a complete and utter asshole to me, all because she has a fat ass, and tried to lie to me about it this whole time

I feel insane, so fucking stupid, I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for this fucking dumbass. He's apologised and done nothing but he here for me since but I can't trust him, I can't forgive him; I just keep replaying the same events over and over again and realising he's never given a shit about me and I've been a complete idiot.

How in the fuck can anyone go on while feeling this way? Completely alone in the world, completely dissociated, confidence crushed. I don't feel alive. I don't feel human. I did nothing to deserve this and I can't fucking handle it. I refuse to fucking handle it.",4.2325140056022414,5.866629926470591,5.2092226890756335,80.7846568627451,71.42647058823529,8.122128851540618,31.702380952380953,8.704169506293173,2.6326969187675067,1108,51,209,20,21,363,142,272,0.17800000000000002,0.722,0.099,-0.9714,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,17,18,10,1,11,0,23,10,3,3,2,38,48,17,0,1,5,0,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,12,13,1,3,10,1,0,5,12,13,0,4,10,5,36,5,28,36,4,31,0,1,0,8,17,7,8,1,18,148,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596481839237993,0.0,0.0,0.10112258579167786,0.1077449634887397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469211130126446,0.0,0.0,0.06827012779541318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152289697119476,0.05951866757110497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863520771398102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094825507097897,0.0,0.0,0.0779552764635587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065955888801424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991664822514124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644883811619186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774992633274192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24684124736991064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543417827711033,0.541583532459541,0.0,0.0,0.2219576471324864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634016166357815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867843372012437,0.0,0.0,0.10731758921383253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517351983674763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530374767785472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28105628109503955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232284642235198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852529463095461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977517661635084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185678513161676,0.0,0.10022307610312388,0.08076641487945868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272759471357252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797311109897198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751294816428614,0.05693297593493207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662891792105461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749978228178872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109008331016618,0.0,0.0,0.1058832658422397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862526626524528
suicidewatch,xxharasxx,2019/01/06,"Is it okay if I just open up and rant? I hope this is okay, I feel like being hidden behind a screen and under a fake name I can actually talk about my life and just sorta get it all written down so I can see it and hopefully to feel not alone.

I just don't know the reasons to get up anymore. I feel like I've been so fucked up that i'm beyond help and feel like no one gets what I have going on in my head. I constantly feel so alone and feel the need to put myself through pain. I look for any way to be accepted by anyone, even at risk my mental health, and know I shouldn't do that but I just can't help it. I hate everything about myself physically and mentally.

I have a lot of mental issue that have been diagnosed by professionals after a lot of trauma that happened to me. My farther was killed when I was 9 and I had to witness it. He raised me as my mother wasn't around but when that happened I was forced to live with her and she was abusive to put it lightly (still not comfortable talking about that too much as when I have i've been called a liar). Thankfully now she is in jail for what she did to me and other things but the 3 year period all that happened in has left me deeply mentally scarred. 

I first tried to kill myself when I was 12 by overdose and since then I failed what I considered 3 more major attempts at my own life (I'm 21 now). I try to make light of this joking saying I'm really good at being bad at it. I can't ever stop myself from having these thoughts that I should be dead though. I have PTSD from what has happened to me and have these constant flashback like nightmares pretty much every night where I wake up screaming. I often can't make friends because of how I am too. I get far too scared of anyone even getting to know mw at all and I get defensive and shut myself away. It's got to the point where this is all that defines me as a person and I forgot who I really am anymore. I feel like I don't deserve to be alive. 

I'm too scared. I just want to be normal and not this fucking mess that defines every part of my life! None of this was my choice! None of this I had a say in! I watch life go by and can't live mine so why should I have to be alive for this?",1.9740220785013385,3.2811168326271165,3.4542105263157907,92.42085191793043,76.64830508474577,6.409099018733274,21.53122212310437,6.950104931194217,0.3368423728813559,1723,43,396,17,38,568,208,472,0.146,0.73,0.124,-0.9756,0,2,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,3,33,32,7,3,11,2,48,11,2,4,5,70,90,36,3,9,12,1,7,5,1,3,7,3,0,1,34,21,0,3,13,1,0,4,14,17,0,2,17,16,63,15,63,63,14,49,0,1,4,2,17,27,2,7,22,289,97,2,0.0,0.08997386453989051,0.07410432956504895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572972990512506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051640301693695975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506197665623759,0.10619493779782252,0.0,0.0,0.06760073346941692,0.0,0.0,0.07134605408171603,0.0,0.06340488331073532,0.04629097238153571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754097465853077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412354870430354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770752590824077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031238914177527,0.06869007920857584,0.12796172766935554,0.0,0.0682479897840115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687750005720954,0.21699989139623369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459264597645112,0.0,0.0,0.05866934872286704,0.14040652771350184,0.2380461685436514,0.0,0.08631439288359244,0.06369301599495444,0.06073438827186719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686061501098771,0.0,0.0,0.07497284686673085,0.07793408131118988,0.08071832050275418,0.0,0.0,0.10179900081235722,0.0,0.0,0.1508467209879642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925932423323047,0.0,0.0,0.16802782857931806,0.0,0.12520027147152465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250663178636015,0.0,0.2145484292743013,0.18549684384988216,0.0,0.13410892086556775,0.0,0.06376861876657071,0.0,0.0,0.12911918818383225,0.0,0.0,0.10137812991751233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061097290658335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116460273571417,0.0563069095996841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126247240478667,0.07440291176624604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145741226368628,0.0,0.0808031633169702,0.0,0.0,0.0822332272442516,0.0,0.0,0.0663059497819749,0.0,0.0,0.0717857574744573,0.0,0.0,0.07725603327029569,0.0,0.0,0.08876721362640495,0.15267690762374952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729538644116624,0.07807669626062362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077755816851705,0.1520539518904857,0.0,0.06051258748887248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281652518638976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060644017745740623,0.06348739329425285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207183938429855,0.0,0.06991331511247778,0.0,0.0,0.05044969388144041,0.0,0.07460849380537672,0.06028612348214508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311355039539878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044790076435084064,0.06027588364432716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852204473884263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489014474924352
suicidewatch,imdone_lol,2019/01/06,Need and accountability buddy for suicide I’ve made the decision to end my life. I’ve thought about it and I know my friends and family will eventually get over it. I’ve made efforts to show them I have problems but they don’t seem to know how to react other than just telling me I’ll be fine. So I’ve decided that since I have such a hard time working up the courage and motivation to do it on my own I need and accountability buddy to help me go through with this. If no on responds then it’s fine. I will eventually get around to doing it on my own. I’m just tired of being depressed and lonely every day I wake up. I have screenshots of messages I wrote as my wallpaper so that every time I look at my phone I have a reminder telling me to kill myself. ,3.6080840046029934,4.43065593037975,5.0978941311852735,84.09641542002305,71.9746835443038,8.023935558112774,28.920598388952822,8.296473431620573,1.8263468354430377,599,23,130,9,11,202,91,158,0.161,0.736,0.103,-0.8934,0,2,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,2,3,8,8,1,0,4,0,11,3,1,5,0,27,25,13,2,4,4,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,7,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,4,2,22,4,24,17,2,14,0,2,1,0,10,8,0,2,5,88,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344361025327026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840730725158385,0.0,0.15813507351951905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261578595729093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093831334535318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308246519597015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184949887876094,0.0,0.19184764817842648,0.0,0.10434454824440534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447022637892564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306372548808653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312704845462848,0.0,0.20180436240634567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968265303890747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417840513206865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34745497428461186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722752879993645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568114034379073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671432447597389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187645359904076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082944194542784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209503297065578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575850237710786,0.21411817005229364,0.21102207548508373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366354668635688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l-lelp,2019/01/06,"Withdrawing from Klonopin abuse, all my problems come back I have diagnosed depersonalisation, derealization, suicidal depression, general anxiety disorder, hallucinogenic persisting perception disorder, and chronic headaches. I escaped from the world for half a year and now I'm back. I lost my memory. I lost my girlfriend. I am just floating around in dead air and see no point in continuing this horrible withdrawal that is killing me inside. All my problems come back times 10 so it basically feels like my mind is being completely annihilated. Pure brainrape I need help. My rehab center is worth shit. Worthless doctors there. the whole medical system failed me and I just can't deal with it anymore. The only reason I'm alive is because I would hurt my family, I would've been dead a long time ago if it wasn't for them but that just makes me more depressed. I'm basically trapped to live hell until: 1 it's get better somehow which I doubt or 2: The pain becomes too much and it overshadows the feelings I have more my family, we are quite close and I would destroy their life. But why should I have to live a destroyed life just so they can have me around acting fake? Please any advice appreciated I'm so hopeless.",4.264328329108984,7.171866390134529,5.0182101774225005,76.35355429908365,75.68161434977578,8.541937999610061,29.875024371222462,9.20300075937882,3.155933671280951,987,45,168,26,23,318,145,223,0.311,0.616,0.073,-0.9959,0,1,0,0,1,2,24.0,1,0,3,6,16,20,5,1,8,0,18,9,1,2,3,39,32,14,4,7,8,0,2,1,1,3,8,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,18,0,1,4,3,29,2,12,24,6,24,1,8,1,0,7,9,2,4,12,108,38,2,0.0,0.1367716668953048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280180206032035,0.10232621339980384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849979744386586,0.0,0.08830750292331853,0.0,0.11448055857923313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552334941349906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662873011946959,0.0,0.07036813953923403,0.12748895158596893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020929275074505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887416120003434,0.12103146140160224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900847540525725,0.1988480915168184,0.11716415333493475,0.0,0.0,0.26459715312552634,0.11815267261358944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176437972503083,0.0,0.11673486687660392,0.08246682804539426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060310053066060236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737368568407793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357561639211274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771178784591874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307038967191234,0.056395738177764235,0.0,0.20386254104026,0.10215639323715413,0.0,0.0,0.25202200256422824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705379715794856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628867590960824,0.0,0.0,0.11655650110116415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485804928999692,0.08559363236262525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779356282773387,0.12283103981129727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671302848782387,0.10912344111628794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091152010340787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277939268799673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868646465118145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198679529133323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849242753713347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262672168875514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462222050542372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041621844958218,0.12887911912262556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24600525827198946,0.0,0.0,0.07433639225497833
suicidewatch,whatjustin,2019/01/06,i can’t do this anymore i keep screwing up. i keep hurting people. i’m an addict and a bad person. i’m going to try and end everything today. i can’t keep doing this. i’m sorry. know that i tried my best. i’m sorry i kept ruining everything. i’m sorry. ,-2.483652597402596,-1.1381099821428542,1.9883116883116896,89.87487012987015,113.10714285714286,4.1792207792207785,15.805194805194805,6.11248444174946,0.00834285714285743,195,6,41,3,11,74,33,56,0.268,0.6509999999999999,0.08,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,15,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,2,14,1,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232104266930455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749586892199225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473011879831107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513921233201197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562534825825525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171052274751836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026209298015876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885851127765216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704237622684198,0.0,0.0,0.09695440771852468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230563533898267,0.15404089816501096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924546197720076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722309897684712,0.0,0.0,0.23955171395807826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cantthinkstraightXD,2019/01/06,"Everything given to me, don't know what to do with it Whenever I tell people what my job is I get the same response, ""WOW thats a dreamjob!"". And to a certain extent it is, but i've been given twice now the opportunity to make my primary hobby my way of living. Albeit it is temporary, it could be so much more. Tomorrow I have a conversation with my boss that I fully expect means the end of this opportunity, and all i've done is waste it...again.

Every day I fail, I see everything that needs to be done and I somehow managed to never care. Dishes? I'll put that off. Go to the gym today? I don't even come up with an excuse, I just don't go and ignore that I made another mistake. How in the hell is it possible to do this over and over for years and still not change any of my habits, I literally have ""The power of Habit"" by Charles Duhigg sitting next to me and I can't even make myself read it lmao.

I am constantly around extremely motivational people, the kind of people that just live life on that next level. Where you not only take care of anything that comes your way, you help and make happy the people around you. I see this happy and I can't help but wish I could do that, but no just another reason to feel insecure.

Over and over again I fail, I don't feel worthy of the opportunity given to me. I feel like an imposter, inadequate in all ways. I have to put on a face to keep doing what I do and as soon as I turn around I feel nothing.

I'm sure I could go on and on, I've never told anyone any of this. I wouldn't know where to start. I have no real friends, just people that expect things from me that I don't think i'll ever be able to deliver on.

I don't think I'd do it today, maybe tomorrow? IDK maybe i'll keep putting it off like everything else in my life.

Sorry for the rambling, I don't really know how to format this to make sense. I don't think it really does make sense anyways",2.441035146846413,3.6233084477611968,4.4082153747392105,86.55483148772271,75.21890547263679,7.575156475686088,22.171722034986356,8.155646560271837,0.9578581929064351,1484,37,330,24,31,509,173,402,0.132,0.7440000000000001,0.124,-0.4807,3,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,4,0,7,21,20,1,1,16,0,36,4,1,11,7,73,75,20,0,9,9,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,29,20,1,3,13,2,0,8,17,6,0,1,8,6,45,14,52,60,6,51,1,2,2,0,11,21,1,1,20,223,74,7,0.08023705664089288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109127899923437,0.16827109977164562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610361560780302,0.0,0.06602826097515872,0.21428397496277707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361405352978828,0.0,0.08488016687202651,0.13823423924319134,0.0,0.08670775349221578,0.0,0.19218828233709656,0.0,0.0,0.051746263687296346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021598897442836,0.1642207333093647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702776502923508,0.0,0.07106621656367718,0.0,0.0,0.1059916383552119,0.07257901138987251,0.06760318081582886,0.0,0.2163356783806672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228106676574908,0.057321369296375865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199095092412912,0.0,0.04192055043248071,0.0,0.13680170505814598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708276775924723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756241548365077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962289793514181,0.14263676522497035,0.0,0.08355454728055249,0.13228856384856852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334761199427085,0.07839954588892159,0.0,0.14170158204986233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592224304447985,0.2677942917937587,0.0,0.16121781597838605,0.08740167698110911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898346882511921,0.05949476081916901,0.12376752907819225,0.0,0.17066604001430158,0.0,0.0,0.07698961985232115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102389719564544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781313614359341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045522552331303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198121064354156,0.0,0.0,0.08025876992794043,0.09132733658455594,0.10280382614282707,0.08249705768975057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787709163209712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981881580489832,0.056792201668288085,0.0,0.06407741707984843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562247631748062,0.0,0.06032828096904561,0.0,0.07013072409556924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330593513683853,0.15423799819540765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211069564557425,0.07666994610389523,0.0,0.0,0.08727487697446497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910653225019168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226865531753473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167003380149827
suicidewatch,eidolonhex,2019/01/06,Goodnight I just.. Don't want to go on anymore. There's nothing worse than being alive. There's nothing to look forward to and I know that I don't have a future. I am sure that everyone else would be happier if I was dead and I'd make no difference to anyone's lives. ,0.07669172932330781,2.3314346140350892,2.2839598997493766,93.19105263157898,88.82456140350875,5.3624060150375925,22.177944862155385,6.868970318607317,0.6863102756892232,211,8,46,3,7,71,41,57,0.136,0.672,0.192,0.4822,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,1,9,13,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,6,9,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730423360618863,0.19250935355988769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876496177861417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999358555685395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630789763196561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564700570621292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130804930577935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431116039786781,0.0,0.2311985077769152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837774818672268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528351757298525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594847742477999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239020125105802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805734470167822,0.19557862410790264,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FallenSisyphos,2019/01/06,"Suicide thoughts returned I had been contemplating suicide since 2017 on an off. Now the feelings returned. I am tired of dealing with tyrannical people, the difficulty of my health and overall things that haven't been going my way since 2012. I lived through the horrors of life anything you can think of. I am 26 and very tired of living. I have lost years and probably my best years suffering. I don't feel there's a point in life anymore. I have become a loner and the mask I put on to appear normal like in my old days has faded. My dignity is at stake that kept me hold on and endure pain. I am stripped naked now.

My change from a relaxed, strong person to a wreck is astonishing. I didn't get the emotional back up I needed to deal with the mess I am in now. I will die alone and let people resume as they desire.

Instead of getting the surgery on coming Tuesday I plan to end my misery tonight.

Goodbye

​",2.8896620084497897,5.134596386740338,3.6872148196295136,87.59066623334421,76.84530386740332,6.026779330516738,26.669158271043223,7.048011613610866,1.291155086122847,730,29,141,8,17,232,115,181,0.237,0.672,0.091,-0.9813,0,1,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,1,1,4,6,8,0,0,12,0,18,6,0,0,0,19,30,7,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,9,0,2,4,1,0,4,3,4,0,0,7,2,24,4,25,21,1,30,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,1,15,95,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677485518725271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308750133591994,0.1604679675804646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309685346421273,0.0,0.0,0.10867454283152858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154637627004763,0.0,0.0,0.14585045163558732,0.0,0.0,0.1385893518751867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970250305019735,0.11375843109869102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516810024077938,0.2722971625445505,0.0,0.0,0.13705795389556305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148550292584595,0.11696640925814505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335475179909367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799232589844615,0.0,0.07505302798226993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403741407425607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504081311513694,0.1865564794922764,0.06451809181286346,0.0,0.2332236896798887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415964065447398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792119067510832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939125520550168,0.0,0.0,0.13857528439288538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052168763240644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310825155629884,0.11531013862517768,0.0,0.0,0.12483986237903655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423835597071028,0.0,0.0,0.1327572822714013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184836278195856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28890551503829065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877351310733823,0.08461903884581681,0.0,0.10484128918684914,0.0,0.3035682458303775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896374661939323,0.0,0.10482348147695032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604679675804646,0.17008527011123376
suicidewatch,lunerial,2019/01/06,"help someone if someone calls you and needs help, answer it and talk to them 

just talk to people guys please
just talk 

I don’t want to be alone 
help others 
sorry I wasn’t a better person ",0.4646153846153816,2.8700011025641032,1.6725128205128217,96.96415384615385,89.25641025641025,3.12,12.928205128205128,3.1291,-1.5049425641025642,149,2,31,0,5,47,28,39,0.075,0.5920000000000001,0.333,0.8834,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490674766018293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920556586955301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173919738022568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501726427231646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366625935573855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101743622100928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054770582973334,0.18961108176593103,0.0,0.2383706172962716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679888943328536,0.0,0.0,0.24308687430930995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236220941315751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808345062789134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abitfuckedup,2019/01/06,"I don’t want to carry it out. Hi, new to reddit so still figuring out how this all works but I just want to vent my thoughts somewhere and somehow this feels like the right place to do it? (Sorry it’s long)

I’ve been suffering depression and anxiety most of my life (23F), I didn’t have many friends growing up and lost touch with them all after secondary school, now I have work colleagues that I speak to but they aren’t friendships and I don’t ‘talk’ to/see them outside of work unless it’s a work thing - family wise I have my maternal grandparents and parental responsibilities for my 9 year old sibling (3 other siblings are all over 18 but can still be dependent on me in the sense of borrowing money and me buying them food for their houses etc). 
Our mum died of cancer when I was 16 and our ‘dad’ is in jail for the abuse of me and my sister ~ this all came out when I was 18 and this is how I ended up taking care of all my siblings, I did it, I got a job, house and car whilst dealing with all the shit that comes with looking after teenagers that hate you for getting their dad locked up and a 4 year old, I also had counselling back then but hated it and only had 4/5 sessions.
I sorta started getting through life and making myself busy with work and concentrating on other things rather than the thoughts in my head, I still have weeks/months where I go through bad stages (insomnia, nightmares when I do sleep, not wanting to be here, thinking about leaving, not wanting to partake in everyday life) but as it’s just been Christmas I decided to take like 2 weeks off work which has been a big mistake as I usually do get more depressed during holidays/around special dates etc. I have been thinking about how I could die and the different ways to do it but I also know that I couldn’t ever carry it out because of my youngest sibling - I dread to think what would have become of me if they weren’t born. 
I know that counselling is probably the best option for me but I hate talking. I know there’s a lot of information disclosed here but I’m weird and it seems easier to type it out to strangers on the internet rather than talk to one person irl probably why I can’t hold friendships and prefer to be by myself. 
Again, sorry I just felt like I needed to get this little bit out of my head and I don’t know what to do about thoughts about dying but not actually wanting to carry them out. ",5.436963084847616,5.5846854792531175,5.678790957218489,83.95172199170126,67.65145228215768,8.556989555015024,30.313635713263697,8.216663640201805,1.9642282730004288,1899,66,389,23,29,604,234,482,0.14,0.759,0.101,-0.978,6,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,2,1,8,8,30,20,4,1,13,0,39,10,4,5,7,95,77,41,3,14,19,5,3,3,1,1,5,1,0,1,28,31,1,1,17,0,3,5,11,12,0,1,18,5,58,8,69,53,13,58,0,4,1,0,25,24,1,8,30,278,86,10,0.0,0.09142311904792176,0.07529796545293688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341118218613575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902792249189439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868961264814039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933201466525913,0.06442617781041238,0.04703660446867749,0.08521821706728712,0.0,0.0,0.08097566609408144,0.0,0.08423978279435854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825158126529248,0.0786707402831138,0.0,0.0,0.06646733394301592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061606747175283576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954956067776056,0.1329172419687619,0.0,0.24024268011976024,0.08061677935814585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834170715251763,0.0,0.17210973188921005,0.0,0.06979650502966432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274048506438048,0.0,0.03901489933464218,0.055123804579129465,0.07408662116416602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330333799273713,0.0,0.059614365573645675,0.0,0.16125366565768404,0.0,0.043852351216097735,0.0,0.06171266775831182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854141720521065,0.15837880989194192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780667738827814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765703457484961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962258069210115,0.0,0.0,0.0817023144951787,0.0,0.0,0.16350320194143242,0.11309084115720812,0.07733555190227366,0.0,0.06828502066568923,0.06479577213706314,0.0,0.08423030173625835,0.06559948810172488,0.0,0.0,0.05150553934579104,0.07822910160845062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158914137345555,0.0,0.0,0.05721387344955264,0.0,0.07452253509292378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193489335308353,0.0,0.052286262809076674,0.05868438638088023,0.0,0.0,0.08567811366653255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737397322547406,0.08061677935814585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638512890243695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589503744789245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809101000872,0.0,0.07024443917696728,0.0,0.0,0.07920461565549931,0.0,0.0,0.0772166837946875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275075284257302,0.05461492397703687,0.0,0.18486252476534576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160308768458796,0.18605716829271407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252462519511443,0.1483248808527211,0.0,0.1837715476232194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498189520055227,0.0,0.2275576641633931,0.061246777765012375,0.0618938670909338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962576394380418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370445831257125,0.0,0.0,0.05481293146928056,0.0,0.0,0.09937825564299227
suicidewatch,hondarider1988,2019/01/06,"I had a moment last night Hi all, 

I'm writing on here because I had a horrible moment last night.  I've been feeling down for quite some time and I don't really know why.  I honestly believe it all boils down to being unhappy with my career.  It's not going the way I want it to and I feel like I'm caught in a rut.  Last night, I had quite a few drinks and all hell broke loose.  My husband was asleep and I really felt like I wanted to end everything.  I decided that I wanted to sit in my car in the garage and let the engine run, but instead I did the right thing and contacted a text message suicide hotline.  I told the operator what was going on and eventually passed out drunk.  The next thing I know, my husband and multiple EMT workers were in my bedroom checking my vitals.  I told them I was fine and that I just had too much to drink.  They eventually left and all was fine.  

It's now the next morning and I feel even worse than I did last night.  I feel awful that I scared my husband as much as I did, and I feel horribly embarrassed because I'm sure my neighbors saw what was going on.  I'm just so damn frustrated with everything and I'm not really sure what my next move should be in terms of recovery from this.  Does anyone have any insight? ",2.8924418604651163,4.217136034883724,4.442550387596898,86.18801162790699,74.31007751937985,7.950697674418605,25.69069767441861,8.548686976883017,1.64188,979,33,209,18,20,328,131,258,0.185,0.737,0.078,-0.9877,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,3,8,14,3,2,12,1,20,5,1,0,6,43,43,17,1,4,5,3,6,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,13,16,4,0,10,3,1,8,3,6,0,0,19,7,34,8,24,20,9,40,1,1,1,0,12,13,2,1,19,135,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084197307304319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284096604033997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700715183381925,0.0,0.0,0.11736855840600033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116347338697853,0.0,0.0,0.20410195386366756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922673487483807,0.0,0.0,0.06880602298399996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724996159960408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633678227600277,0.07442201129230581,0.10002349074025796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761365723843112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145027426179966,0.3396632430558634,0.0,0.0,0.11318548489561478,0.10652509449495302,0.0,0.10178842482442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072060196967104,0.15315992750507884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323710715497643,0.3910414142165762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160399679877996,0.0,0.0,0.2002098241199233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896412826539,0.0,0.0,0.10429646625002742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394957783365595,0.0,0.19636574825533692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841731121910028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074476642374919,0.0,0.0,0.19908566961205956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433378299614703,0.08268856660468699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400093897769644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616232691058697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iammatthew2011,2019/01/06,"my older friend molested me and im going to kill myself, im addicted to child porn and molest other boys Let me introduce myself, my name is Matthew Robby, I live in Buffalo, New York.

I've been suicidal for quite some time, and soon I will end it all.

I currently have a handgun which I got at a private sale for cheap.

I'm  addicted to drugs, and watching child porn from the deep web. In fact,  I'm currently watching child porn on another browser window as I type  this. I will kill myself if I don't feel better within 12 hours. I can't  take it anymore, I need to quit my addiction. All day I watch child  porn and take illegal drugs. I might harm other people if the cops try to take me to a mental hospital.",2.5577853881278543,4.118853157534247,4.5111643835616455,84.38994292237444,75.64383561643834,8.154337899543378,25.180365296803647,8.841846274778883,1.8842666666666668,555,19,114,12,12,190,90,146,0.198,0.7809999999999999,0.022,-0.9803,2,0,2,1,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,3,1,7,4,0,5,0,9,9,0,0,3,15,18,8,3,3,2,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,6,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,2,4,20,2,15,12,3,16,0,0,3,4,7,6,0,4,9,66,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623758004286436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824944792568667,0.0,0.0,0.14021115049296248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503928178431273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117852125848347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279122516187749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522087733460824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148606798630933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922997785552066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034961550214717,0.0,0.11307464682012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923100033863642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054297149051335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128324481924338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457081483057316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484129085503415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247797041842833,0.14998203090985515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483161348421634,0.0,0.13654586071005506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801521672979464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007504526403328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464697210657685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189009055067849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824399210365435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598786309608044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,das2313,2019/01/06,dont feel like living no more i just dont feel like i want to live no more. ive never tried to commit suicide before but ive been depressed since i was 11 and it has reached the point where i dont want to live no more. i wish i was never born tbh,-1.0049425287356328,0.6027772413793073,1.4041379310344837,102.21298850574713,86.93103448275862,3.866666666666666,14.839080459770114,3.1291,-1.4632160919540231,192,3,51,0,6,65,34,58,0.332,0.5760000000000001,0.092,-0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,3,11,14,2,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,2,8,2,3,11,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769592648982274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949623499731055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6102708885633971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552517560359399,0.2479979608738529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959580478059064,0.0,0.4597984638931154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677369296176915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408046436247514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357952029533658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898582318219655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178431476254923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475305405572472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995977996705648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,luddfjun,2019/01/06,"Miserere mei Deus Just attempted to kill myself. My best friend could not take it anymore. There is an ocean between us now, and I feel so unbearably lonely. I guess I am just an attention seeking piece of crap, sorry guys.",3.5571428571428565,6.0207354285714345,3.9573809523809516,85.39178571428572,75.66666666666667,7.057142857142857,27.16666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.932980952380953,176,7,32,3,4,55,38,42,0.251,0.609,0.141,-0.5829,0,2,0,0,0,2,6.0,1,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,6,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30964104824099137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276584891701846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928444155914584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786919191579274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412225042274459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439485338769793,0.3091495871239571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454281875640223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495077806068619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347526339594473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375565497375806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,torithewhorie,2019/01/06,I'm alone I've said too much to my two last two friends while being suicidal and now they don't respond to me. I've cut off all of my other friends thinking it'd be good for me if I only had about two or three. My parents are making me rot from the inside and took away my sense of security. My mother recently discovered I'm suicidal and already tired to use it against me. I'm home alone watching a scary TV series we used to only watch together with my closest friend and I'm alone home. Help. ,2.0770476190476197,3.7265843238095258,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,77.19047619047619,6.9523809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.3870952380952375,394,15,85,6,9,132,71,105,0.191,0.6659999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.7003,1,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,3,1,13,16,7,2,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,4,3,3,13,5,13,10,2,8,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,2,4,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452135705090367,0.15812332963217982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462503455151384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321149235478846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018428474250142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604381193931577,0.0,0.2874617455636786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679992177240946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564673490759007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533413854450507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795597206362716,0.0,0.0,0.15910583462155084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414809186454396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630095787975968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31347052232628325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181401158863522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646899966058277,0.0,0.0,0.1591997087282671,0.0,0.0,0.4199185397015659,0.0,0.0,0.2475119352723048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Linklewinkle,2019/01/06,"Does anyone else have a calm before the storm? I have this habit of pretending to be extremely positive when I’m at my most depressed to my friends and family. In addition to that sweet sweet depression, I’m also incredibly anxious, you see. I feel like if I tell people every time I’m having a depressed episode, they’ll just think I’m a negative person, and learn to loathe talking to me. So I smile, I crack jokes, I listen to their troubles as my own stress builds up and takes me closer and closer to the breaking point. They’ll tell me “wow you are in a good mood today” and I’ll just grin and nod. I want to end my life. And I thought about it, too. I know how I want to do it. I’ll break up with my boyfriend, leave any traceable technology at home, withdraw all my money from my bank account, and buy a greyhound ticket to wherever. Once I’m far enough away, I will dump all identification, donate my remaining money to whatever local charity catches my eye, and find a way to discreetly off myself. Maybe jumping off a cliff, or hanging in the woods? My family will think I ran away, my boyfriend will think I’m an asshole, and nobody will have to deal with the pain of knowing I offed myself, because my DNA or fingerprint isn’t in the police system so even if my body is found I’d be a Jane Doe. I’m probably a couple of bad weeks away from doing this. And the way my life has been going, these next few weeks are going to be bad.",4.4651351838500375,5.008077708904112,5.476971881759193,83.16824441240088,69.85616438356163,8.613121845710166,28.039653929343906,8.6894789155246,1.9215863013698629,1129,37,233,18,19,373,164,292,0.131,0.742,0.128,-0.598,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,2,3,0,10,19,1,1,16,0,21,5,2,1,2,37,44,21,0,4,6,0,1,1,1,6,3,1,1,1,6,14,0,0,11,3,6,6,2,9,0,0,4,6,37,9,37,31,6,36,0,3,2,0,12,18,0,5,8,146,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347444590800208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948712931184379,0.0,0.0,0.1320489747915565,0.0,0.08173006814587591,0.11976448593400794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32945739126319623,0.0,0.1951914296944563,0.07125319541096524,0.0,0.09946217917237983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983504314929015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293331789566324,0.0,0.0,0.12050530551378212,0.30202365761096234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045771026212415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764404208457507,0.0,0.10352713741698827,0.1207754577370942,0.0,0.0772027233166384,0.0,0.09848229058141494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203812139557033,0.0,0.05910155032729044,0.08350405527440079,0.0,0.0,0.10683254811189287,0.0,0.0,0.12816049960022655,0.09030656203825944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328590864806847,0.09803922193720106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724713398326014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847601378427395,0.0,0.0,0.12376639525775675,0.0,0.0,0.16512140888074267,0.057105056052894586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742864469157473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431058969589527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124480779279474,0.0,0.0,0.12437594825605194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103468868235497,0.10206116989258132,0.0,0.0,0.11049594212222454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602389391286473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314375998909874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389359803032974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788443420815614,0.09394929700477413,0.20432867997381995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246892997292121,0.0,0.09279517616606084,0.06815771631267019,0.0,0.11079515452031134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788589457127484,0.18555882907272664,0.18751930996666244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cheeseandOponion,2019/01/06,"Never talked to anyone about these thoughts and they only seem to get worse My suicidal ideation stems from my Asperger’s Syndrome. If you don’t know what that is, I’m basically a few years behind in social development. I don’t pick up on subtle social cues very easily and I’m not good at expressing myself. So as you can imagine, being a young man, I’m very frustrated that I can’t connect with everyone the same way that everyone else seems to flawlessly connect. 

I feel hopeless about my situation. Right now I’m 20 and I guess I have the social experience of a 15 year old. Shit, even a 15 year old would probably be better at conversation than me and comes across as way less of a weirdo. This inexperience is another difficulty layered on top of my inability to actually socialise. 

The few friends I currently have always seem.. annoyed.. by me, but I can’t always tell if that’s just the “negative voice”. 

I know that the “negative voice” is actually me, (I’m not going through psychosis) But sometimes when these thoughts are real bad, I swear I can feel “it” crawling around my head making everything itchy and tingly

TL;DR - feel like a defective human, and the negative voice in my head suggests suicide. As per my condition, I have a lot of difficulty talking about this to anyone.",6.108564814814818,7.149690646090537,7.0376517489711965,71.65672453703705,66.4074074074074,10.684053497942386,34.11754115226337,10.686352973137794,3.900070164609054,1029,46,182,28,16,344,141,243,0.21600000000000005,0.738,0.046,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,2,1,2,9,11,3,0,13,0,16,3,3,2,1,35,36,15,2,3,7,0,3,1,1,1,0,3,0,2,11,9,0,0,11,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,2,6,25,5,30,31,5,25,0,1,0,0,15,11,1,7,11,121,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.21553955945086653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183783494943744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580196239366194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443908772403533,0.0,0.0,0.09831161280369886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220959622766182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767182549088346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951309891958874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225525637831017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294205443186325,0.0,0.0,0.21105300262483773,0.0992529163801454,0.10802777373420427,0.0,0.0,0.16751955044252842,0.07889562807422316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853227176550846,0.0,0.05769834524516181,0.0,0.06276342531399512,0.09262862701968504,0.0,0.0,0.12165790143773328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266787602103149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138567123087045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395353852818219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388888982986897,0.0,0.0,0.07371700678160939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517518912825439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23176838419931925,0.0,0.0,0.08399169028733705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906887910942933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570054882900494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431189313072688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016108479758304,0.0,0.0,0.11336115034563445,0.0,0.12413489186637396,0.0,0.33772732964967617,0.0,0.0,0.10922420450359034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415985097921781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775288342576025,0.0965260877878194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534797997107426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224282635192196,0.0,0.17531819641935634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254390084318637,0.07845069272478246,0.0,0.0,0.21335183472195693
suicidewatch,Lennon2323,2019/01/06,"Nothing to live for I have overwhelming anxiety, depression, borderline, my parents don't understand my illness. I had all this for 15 years and I suffer everyday. I don't want to suffer anymore. Girls don't interest me because due to my mental illness I end up destroying all of my relationships. Nothing ever works for me. Lost three jobs in 10 years. Killing myself will end all of this suffering. I am going to do it, I know I will. Problem is WHEN.",2.0858350951374227,4.89136551162791,4.061416490486263,79.86931289640593,85.74418604651162,7.778435517970403,29.91120507399577,8.575989854853784,3.1902232558139545,358,19,62,10,11,121,55,86,0.33,0.625,0.046,-0.9803,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,2,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,4,9,15,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,2,0,15,1,11,11,3,11,0,6,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,46,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929347586521542,0.0,0.20650573837324576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269335579232326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934604998616874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688555388471307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835370482411848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834049302740812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20663367449793202,0.0,0.23037288929574534,0.0,0.11443639434956855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838687069954678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273049257084548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984435531506315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995998251970863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23121200874706546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992456061547632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235584196946122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167721823443099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228179808948344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515921078847889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681833799752649
suicidewatch,carina762,2019/01/06,i’ll never change so what’s the point it’s the same vicious cycle everytime. i try to turn my life around and i try to change myself abd stop being such a fucking moron all the time. and then it completely flops and i end up worse than before. why should i keep trying if i’ll always be the same?,-0.4357142857142833,1.8118882857142893,1.5622222222222213,96.33000000000004,94.71428571428572,4.06984126984127,13.349206349206348,5.82211442006289,-0.9139650793650796,234,4,51,2,9,77,46,63,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.9183,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,12,6,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,3,3,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,5,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411484167268952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697772132889693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828495958050026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681498518787313,0.0,0.2319979850856604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598005036929186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456107847720634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966754513254204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156289948881491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065750616604822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917221168294808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499210618581596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902465005104166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506845817924501,0.2406788430914097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966227495978628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549361672888865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SharonVentura,2019/01/06,"I don't want to die Hi, I am a 29 years old woman living in Austria, my regular job used to be sort of a freelance IT and digital marketing project manager, but my life became a ruin because I made a mistake of getting involved in online gambling on the Bwin platform last year, and only yesterday I got a view of how foolish I was and how much damage I made, and how deep in troubles I am right now.

​

My current situation is:

I got the final warning from Austrian IS to pay **285€** till 31.12.2018 (yearly transport ticket that I failed to pay monthly)

I got the final warning to pay my PayPal debt **350€** till 31.12.2018

My landlord is coming for money in 4 days: **400€**  \-  this month I cannot be late with rent

I need money for food for the next days

I still have a job but the boss paid me 1300€ in advance meaning I will get another cash end of February

I borrowed a lot of money, around 1600€ and I have to meet one of the persons after 8th January, meaning I have to give her some money back

bank account situation: negative balance 335€

I have to pay my insurance till 31.01.2019 - 135€

I have to pay one of the programmers for his work - around 100€

​

I used to win thousands of € on this platform so I was gradually quitting my regular job, I just felt like I cracked opened some system and can do football live betting for a living. Unfortunately, I was just being stupid, I lost track, I lost discipline and focus, I invested too much and here I am. At the end of the last year I wasn't working and I was losing a lot of money, and then all the money I ever had. The system obviously hasn't been working anymore, and I made some calculation of the loss. Obviously I made a huge mistake and I was blind, I was stupid, I was naive, most likely addicted and now I ve got what I deserve. I saw my mistakes and that gambling was not a good idea and I got my punishment by being extremely poor in the last months. Lately my situation was so bad that I didn't see the way out and I was suicidal, but I feel that I am not that stupid and I am too young to die, or to go to prison for my debts. That's why I ask you to give me a chance and help me, if you are able to help me in any way, because I desperately want to live and be fine again. To have a healthy and stable life, to be independent financially...

​

**I decided to quit gambling and to earn my way back to normal life with hard work and I need your help. It would be great if you could either give me some online work to do, any work to do, as I need cash money ASAP, or give me any advice.** 

**Online jobs I can do: some website and webshop development, some elements of programming, translating; Polish, German, English, writing content, writing stories for you, essays, research papers, any papers, proofreading, anything**

​

I cannot owe any more money to my friends/family, I cannot ask my boss for money, the bank doesn't give me any more debt or credit as I am a freelancer and they don't see my income clearly. So, I have a job and I want to go back to it, I want to keep working, but next to my regular job I HAVE to earn some cash ASAP, because I fear they are gonna put me into prison for my debs or that the IS will come visit me at the place where I regularly leave. For this reason, I stay at my friend's place right now, I am just afraid of facing those people from the IS. Once we had a ghost flatmate who would get some letters from them but as e was absent he never got them, and they came to our place on Saturday morning knocking hard on the door and then storming into the flat and asking questions. I am extremely afraid it is gonna happen to me because I am already late 6 days.

If I only earn this cash I can get my regular income end of February and everything can be fine again, so please help me to improve this situation right now, thanks for reading and I am sorry for panicking. I will truly appreciate any input.",2.5481414267834808,4.280657052565708,4.29262515644556,85.21463235294121,76.09637046307884,7.052941176470588,26.393304130162697,7.878507223074077,1.5691869837296628,3071,117,625,47,68,1036,319,799,0.17600000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.095,-0.9965,16,0,0,0,0,1,122.0,2,5,5,19,27,29,4,3,36,0,71,7,1,13,6,117,123,57,4,17,18,0,4,2,1,7,5,0,3,2,19,42,1,2,8,2,35,9,13,19,0,3,32,9,112,10,90,75,17,92,0,7,5,0,39,31,0,21,48,421,131,34,0.04725103710549245,0.0,0.0,0.05151060496001545,0.0,0.04617316659653458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214269441738107,0.0,0.0,0.20478591585010514,0.22966072786764802,0.22492627877186955,0.04954683229892946,0.0,0.0,0.04686033207622548,0.0,0.0,0.03888357748853792,0.08412688165099272,0.1325200238174609,0.0,0.0,0.10899939270499767,0.03945264230594776,0.11521517460495145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054042598628769714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140516914725236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037726108276853305,0.0,0.0,0.09141902985681956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807823307764492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255511820738657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042741268234844636,0.0,0.0,0.04246618538595583,0.0,0.04454407254844675,0.053170553313949716,0.02389154409534799,0.0,0.04536840557338959,0.10352240307323957,0.0,0.0,0.05713614162570236,0.0,0.03650603405643808,0.0,0.09874686669193207,0.2266375017637076,0.053707706575257516,0.0396319281138159,0.22674582502589294,0.052094435219620115,0.0,0.0,0.04178393606344055,0.0,0.08465529639397462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266854966507859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334066947609725,0.0,0.0,0.2813361802354137,0.04199889283337431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554770525866775,0.15990368389591592,0.05003202578355323,0.0,0.0,0.10012441466037032,0.046168939975338164,0.0,0.16689412577311907,0.0,0.0,0.052861824173840284,0.10316017738943316,0.08034228406802525,0.0,0.1788402951659924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029404630481394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314598104924445,0.0,0.06946989809309513,0.1051081358940164,0.036442912749794616,0.0,0.10050402802603957,0.0,0.04629598401827978,0.0,0.0,0.04958201496223536,0.05032081241032278,0.06403705121826714,0.07187308586401088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03275791966853537,0.0412577830430527,0.14810183071393118,0.05186744952169346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750034311504014,0.05293197546600116,0.10051458841362614,0.047263823907188786,0.0,0.0,0.048581935793563236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105638253843018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530591792136107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124485817896848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289366754021318,0.0,0.05036331860391861,0.03773473926909916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051684965439754406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04350240658969221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161945005572341,0.0,0.0,0.11147954366790797,0.11251702169879704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042636711559028914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407952243895405,0.0,0.0,0.06713156212251517,0.0,0.22966072786764802,0.12171247483933005
suicidewatch,Revrendoni,2019/01/06,delt with friends I really want my next incarnation (or end) to start soon. I'm tired of this reality. ,0.7433333333333323,3.280508000000001,3.5300000000000047,81.62833333333334,94.0,8.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3081666666666663,80,3,17,3,3,28,19,20,0.128,0.664,0.208,0.2006,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924758197821369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423560512922696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471266779085996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838762065375569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31364503395255017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093051795714849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261365671158672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,izzyboo12,2019/01/06,"plz dont in 2007 I tried to commit suicide 23 times I never told nobdy tht I was going to and I always was brought back to life well I ended up meeting my true love in 2010 and we got married and was married 7 yrs when he took his life aug 20,2017. he never was suicidal and never talked bout it and I have learned the hard way the pain doesn't end when u take yr life you jus transfer it onto the other person especially yr loved ones.",0.6419354838709666,2.766894322580648,2.5015161290322574,93.69227419354841,84.26881720430106,4.580215053763442,20.052688172043013,5.6839178017228535,-0.14638408602150532,344,10,75,2,10,114,67,93,0.09,0.7120000000000001,0.199,0.8798,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,7,6,0,0,5,12,15,7,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,8,1,10,4,7,7,0,17,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,0,9,43,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397613723569164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305060571619487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279172506673887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30650924576291105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833783538783927,0.0,0.13838916261195894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550023103264395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36665196989480825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123355161554016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003578685700574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725067784453973,0.0,0.18411780254997007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108450299101045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785369324097869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300982153835823,0.1390762310412521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089610676558174,0.0,0.0,0.16533909140872385,0.1922444539132891,0.11747708587504772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734441558701255,0.0,0.0,0.1555761721953747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatniceguy_,2019/01/06,"In about 5 days I posted before saying Jan 10. It's getting near, and life is getting worse. So,.  
""STOP LISTENING TO YOUR FEELINGS""

Pls use that. Tmrw at least. Pls. It's been 18 years, I am fucking tired..",-1.0614024390243912,0.6547731951219546,1.0867987804878076,96.39897865853659,109.73170731707316,3.025609756097561,17.320121951219512,5.148860815047168,-0.5166365853658541,155,5,32,1,8,51,36,41,0.14800000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.064,-0.6633,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,4,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,5,8,1,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744941617774629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080391878040478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310753144390372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29822255529065544,0.3370723465939024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784973695217245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089451053706689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565307511362757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696936241538324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707614184601268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786079242779082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32873938230685484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773271536724225
suicidewatch,blobbyjellybeans,2019/01/06,"Daily down day : Rewatch TFIOS in loop (the 43ish time?) Have two languages in books of The Fault In Our Star and one DVD in thai.

You know what? I felt alone today as it's always new to me everyday about being lonely in this world but I think I found only one useful way to feel worthy?

I saw somebody or innocent people or homosexual got murdered by hate crime or psychopath, wars ETC, ETC and I thought what if I could exchanges every deaths in the world, they don't deserve to die and I wished I could offer my life to make them alive. I'm ready to die, why won't it be me? instead of them.
Why won't it seeks for me instead I'm seeking for them? Save all innocent creatures, take me.

Seriously, not fair for them at all. ",1.8046332046332048,3.807399000000004,3.1233976833976835,91.49824324324328,79.27027027027026,5.57992277992278,22.05791505791505,6.5431188927421005,0.36261042471042426,564,17,121,5,14,183,99,148,0.168,0.642,0.19,0.7055,0,3,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,5,0,3,7,3,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,2,23,23,9,5,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,2,1,0,4,6,0,3,5,3,20,1,21,12,4,16,0,1,1,0,8,10,0,4,5,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881383858653396,0.0,0.0,0.14365903810904695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756947345322057,0.0,0.0,0.1113452827884684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35836790046429434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851018680518937,0.0,0.0,0.1454654838622942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729727512038046,0.0,0.16577154525078872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930235046643515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808436847423666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704566145618627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488419389665904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194814670260005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524554247665955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674691873160097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339848799972481,0.13130847728763964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196941107809048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981168157827094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106274624294666,0.0,0.13706520351416596,0.10067388891787797,0.0,0.1636524766711329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686544412647565,0.0,0.0,0.14911458962746582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704192244427132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115804256386752,0.0,0.1985395425054582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drowsyfox,2019/01/06,I just overdosed all of my friends got tired of me. they were so exhausted by the pain I am trying to express that they left my house and told my little brother to keep an eye on me. 10 grams of aspirin is making my stomach hurt. I consider calling the police now but what’s the point. My stomach will be pumped and I’ll be admitted. I’ll fail high school due to being in hospital and also get fired from my shitty job at Walmart that keeps me afloat. Never get to go to the university of Minnesota where I’ve been accepted already. I am so weak. I do not blame my ‘best’ friends. My mom is out of town. My ears are starting to ring and I feel so hot and tired. I could fall asleep but I’m sure I’d be awaken by the sensation of my bowels hemorrhaging. Just another seventeen year old girl failing miserably at dying. I’m heartbroken and my friends have blocked and deleted me. So reddit is where I have left to express what I feel. I hope everyone here is going to be okay. ,1.6512814070351782,3.829047331658291,3.4111030150753763,88.3287148241206,80.70854271356785,6.794070351758792,25.52788944723618,7.908726449838941,1.5576852261306535,765,31,159,14,20,255,120,199,0.209,0.68,0.112,-0.9795,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,3,11,15,0,1,6,1,19,12,6,1,3,26,35,14,1,2,5,2,4,0,3,1,6,2,0,1,4,8,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,4,7,27,8,22,24,2,22,0,4,1,0,13,13,0,1,6,102,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161381964072846,0.11711789837443758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356806755769467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369271510753646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954423263122005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693029151883623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199442652898448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994150485622214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481014259622533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394461872205531,0.0,0.1530306256893132,0.0,0.16646450093836165,0.0,0.11713132996379907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547349578036937,0.0,0.14546023721278492,0.0,0.168986358918539,0.1567802790333618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533136808206296,0.260347171059142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31824183257465505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678373787491442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775808668168842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152323252992172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295308756359293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367711456160446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558356353608467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844481659720204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821760576548335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365973330395373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802961492214486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366508847239672,0.0,0.13994150485622214,0.0,0.09943153820071368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431051740084856
suicidewatch,ErikaTheZebra,2019/01/06,The pills didn't work Why can't I die?  I just want to die.  I'm so tired ,-4.877017543859648,-3.761324315789473,-1.3199999999999985,115.80666666666669,107.94736842105264,2.533333333333333,6.333333333333332,3.1291,-3.0860666666666665,54,0,19,0,3,19,15,19,0.213,0.483,0.304,0.4361,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7671112113406363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247666738132876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798212788736065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33347969702650504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269051567261569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boopity776,2019/01/06,"My dog keeps me from committing suicide School is approaching in a couple weeks and as always it’s made me stressed and suicidal. But whenever I get like this I feel so guilty for my dog. That I’m just gonna leave her like that. Of course my family can take care of her but I don’t want to hurt her. Sometimes I convince myself my dog doesn’t like me and “it’s just an animal she won’t care.” But I can’t get over the guilt. It’s so conflicting. My mental health prevents me from being able to play with her as much as she deserves, so I convince myself she’s better off without me. But then I’m scared of hurting her emotionally and thinking I just abandoned her. I hate this and I can’t even get myself to cry about it. ",1.630084586466161,3.484809809210528,3.1613909774436086,91.73473684210528,79.19736842105263,6.448120300751881,22.04135338345865,7.447530270364453,0.6986695488721808,569,17,126,8,14,187,85,152,0.24,0.595,0.165,-0.9538,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,16,1,3,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,23,23,16,2,1,8,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,4,2,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,1,1,31,9,18,19,1,6,0,3,0,0,9,3,0,0,5,86,39,1,0.1589811693925123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322850686505148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060592485998358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32418379547035925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759096400626453,0.1746333493970758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883241728618224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500556299663594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498732975415221,0.0,0.08038565609451315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249183297905408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696099080194473,0.0,0.16898954876960082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34038525992287844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130976809955598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833810331796994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330105067483938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043182648305609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021562597754654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686945211129687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916788505114532,0.1608974310247755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723644166716996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821123923978208,0.0,0.0,0.34779919125494096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953405393251708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186871396845748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377121276776967,0.0,0.12752510449036486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325217403812208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tylerr_7,2019/01/06,"I can't keep this up for some reason.... My life recently has gotten ""better"" as I've heard.. 

I moved out of my dads house, that was a blessing.. School has been significantly better with grades, On the 17th of January I'm going to see some doctor who can give me medication and everything I may need to get better. 

Yet I still feel like a piece of shit, I starve myself and still try to cut. 

I feel like I'm suffocating.. all of this is too much for me to handle, I can't stomach this pain anymore inside of me... I have everything ready for when I end it.. Messages to send to my friends and loved ones ready to be copied and pasted... Hell I even made the order to get them all sent and considered who could try and stop me and made it so I could do it and get them all out before anyone gets to the location.. 

yet I still haven't gone yet. I don't know what's stopped me but I hope that one of these days I finally leave the house and do it... 

Things I guess are better.. But I've only gotten worse because of it.

i don't know what to do anymore..",1.5937918660287096,3.158840250000001,3.246698564593302,92.4087320574163,78.31818181818181,6.4497607655502405,19.760765550239235,7.273561745256523,0.2222272727272729,805,18,187,10,19,267,117,220,0.085,0.8170000000000001,0.097,0.1269,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,4,10,14,3,0,6,0,20,7,2,3,3,35,45,14,0,4,2,1,2,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,16,12,0,3,5,0,0,5,5,4,0,2,9,4,28,10,26,32,7,24,2,0,1,1,12,4,2,5,16,126,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492493044519984,0.07929201307026236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912767149221204,0.0,0.09649516499676468,0.0,0.0,0.4011728262605749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108156524235205,0.0,0.0,0.07313370755484216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606984626622398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043886319222284,0.0,0.0,0.07489972154870439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038334636355494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467703398117747,0.16202616227897526,0.0,0.12422430806130502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761266520281798,0.0,0.23698756643716545,0.10878374535962496,0.06444791164817562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492303668794792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126319240843242,0.0,0.2616970673732183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079525294395893,0.0,0.0,0.12464350018668005,0.0,0.0,0.12007437229736975,0.0,0.0,0.08009787100497262,0.11080315858399696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234805184790503,0.21460390467131507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423870858574665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205264001257814,0.08336214930790108,0.08408476532891343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536857364535413,0.0862459148419391,0.1206657419781288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825326307225723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659422847756898,0.11196895543373103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476699365007585,0.09036522790225608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640361190073413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27168448971926906,0.1896151859316972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075338012707418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398249964116018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155644285154299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Captain_MakeItHappen,2019/01/06,Spread my ashes at sea Idgaf anymore.  Spare me the citations of sappy songs that have nothing to do with me.  Fuck this world.  ,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,2.2800000000000007,92.965,85.25,4.866666666666667,20.5,6.42735559955562,0.30135000000000023,99,3,19,1,3,30,23,24,0.2,0.8,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970717937479069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565854951786704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776831827804676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hentai-Overlord,2019/01/06,"Just need help. I dont know where to begin. Iv made some terrible mistakes in the past few days and tonight and it just gets worse. I'm losing a close friend that's moving away and I lost my significant other and many coworkers are leaving. It's like I'm alone in this world with one click. Befor I nodiced and blinked I had nothing. Getting out of bed gets harder and harder. I sleep longer and longer. I dont like being awake anymore and I do what I can to exause myself so I have to sleep and for long periods of times. I'm doing things I never I thought I would to get away from it. I dont want to die I dont think, but it feels like it worsens everyday. I just want the pain and loneliness to end. Especially loneliness. Theres not one person I have anymore to talk to. Out of all these people and no one to go to. I usually thought of my self as upbeat. I dont know how I ended up here.",-0.3765263157894729,1.8449554526315808,1.8445263157894765,95.37468421052631,91.84210526315788,4.934736842105263,18.652631578947368,6.55674776486733,0.0265621052631575,696,21,158,9,25,233,110,190,0.173,0.75,0.077,-0.9507,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,3,0,14,4,2,2,2,36,34,15,1,5,5,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,1,2,11,15,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,5,0,3,5,2,22,4,25,27,3,24,0,2,1,0,5,10,0,1,15,104,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004597411651512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107486782358325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996562196082944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904134034362696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852433908131872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110273748973849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6226381160766721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821708753559213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053724665575537546,0.07590710258825217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209073734808152,0.0,0.2220510473699028,0.0,0.06038597930442347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121908816014537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678764494018838,0.0,0.0,0.11250649361802656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572941938702986,0.0,0.0,0.09403048480572146,0.0,0.1188698316910132,0.1159876065113677,0.0,0.0,0.10053907578010204,0.0,0.10772377716881534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293003167214535,0.0,0.07878518898622536,0.08194879712535767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019525360977406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159991719715716,0.0,0.11306059128217626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143042864140164,0.07366239168631485,0.09277594564545892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108449616120062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126592960365849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540206703017197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058971438860143,0.06808257662450087,0.0,0.16870588940346906,0.061956928287204914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702257285003766,0.0,0.12534144252396956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828079623054508,0.07547902115916003,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway028202038,2019/01/06,"Useless loser Don’t know how to start this. I hate myself so much. I wish I could restart life. I wasted so much time doing nothing. Any little thing gives me anxiety. I want to kill myself but I don’t want to hurt anybody because I know how much my family cares about me. I’m the biggest failure. I hate the stupid gap in my teeth. I feel like everything’s a waste because everyone just works a boring job until they die. I have no talents. I wish everyday I was never born. I don’t know what else to say. I want to take a bunch of pills and end it all but I don’t know when’s the right time. Every since I could remember I always felt I would end it all eventually. Never thought I would even make it this far. Always been depressed but lately I’ve been at my lowest point. I just wish I was made like everybody else. I don’t enjoy anything and life just seems like a waste no matter how I look at it.

I never really posted anything on here before or shared this with anyone but just needed to say this.",0.8492198876638248,3.0840538803827755,2.689798210942378,91.9629353026836,84.35885167464116,5.3572706469731655,18.656334512169753,6.7026698264267655,0.10587023091325154,787,20,167,9,23,261,115,209,0.252,0.581,0.16699999999999998,-0.9735,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,2,13,16,4,0,7,0,15,4,1,5,5,43,40,14,2,11,9,0,2,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,10,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,7,5,32,7,14,29,6,23,0,4,1,0,5,9,0,2,16,108,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687533469915642,0.0,0.0,0.07227747166708297,0.0,0.08130776445754709,0.0,0.0,0.07431697101032571,0.0,0.17492706320590906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958074740127273,0.0,0.09044074052384793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108364681503379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971991142027582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915431489548604,0.0,0.11030709096761007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757502494622734,0.0,0.18827399621074592,0.0,0.0,0.0702002663254885,0.0,0.08954972998561972,0.10155991018115317,0.09552214038578,0.0,0.1001960763053201,0.0,0.053740909581759366,0.07593005360029692,0.10205030583447544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195829488049536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098689448931782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378033324111705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547150185417037,0.0,0.11758864899220466,0.0,0.2336459129065313,0.0,0.11989415423501094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014453352800122,0.15577650520190364,0.10652553186380444,0.0,0.0,0.0892526647789217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056947443135494,0.07094608931834867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439520048446774,0.07880901020663447,0.2459207246505261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198336211802313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047371687980602,0.0,0.10179168813650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808891801747308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204002309528199,0.09076684317443504,0.0,0.1690442590812771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967579083583304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792008316129069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752290981476018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991312251996435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061105765332801,0.0,0.0,0.08437844936972802,0.12395132274447535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806901050106373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666676509940257,0.0,0.0,0.07737677475221069,0.0,0.0,0.15100368547593465,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Archjoy,2019/01/06,"I have been thinking about downing around 40 mg of alprazolam/xanax with a ton of alcohol I do not know if that would make me die, but I really want to. Today I woke up another morning after nightmares that have followed me since high school (I am 27). I have no friends, or at least, why does nobody barely want to hang out with me if that was not the case. My bachelor thesis in social work is not working out, and I think my thesis partner has started to hate me for dragging it out like I have. I recently started seeing a doctor, hence the Xanax, and previously did CBT, but really, realistically, I have not felt peace of mind ever since I was a child and there is no reason to think it would end now. 

What pretty much keeps me from trying is that I don't know what would be letal or just end up in permanent liver or brain damage..",7.405357142857145,5.679697869047619,7.911904761904763,75.7414285714286,64.35714285714286,10.780952380952382,32.3095238095238,9.516144504307137,2.6660809523809528,654,19,133,10,8,218,105,168,0.097,0.8140000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.3391,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,5,0,20,5,2,2,1,37,36,10,1,7,12,0,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,2,8,9,1,1,7,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,6,2,19,2,23,26,3,22,0,1,1,0,4,11,0,5,10,98,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922450003738595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622851586032493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263227187760873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632159248986847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462761271475434,0.0,0.0,0.15249710012873516,0.13038174424516752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639210073891145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476956230079926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305331624264284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510894351780845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709631831975947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741562157965572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242874247838998,0.0,0.0,0.16376150171481169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278876001268958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994516701194234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043695606623886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952444962144196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157591764188624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089301971464356,0.15318605397128432,0.14710918948685064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078536144509788,0.1187253679647234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24649136242573866,0.0,0.0,0.15187606607585266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091111643336347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863994302056181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122465628048386,0.0,0.0,0.10115411289505644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757557733554628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443987958390166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169323087853858,0.0,0.0,0.3175136683161587,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thr0w4w4y10101010101,2019/01/06,"I want blow my brains out Recently got chewed out by my bitch of a boss, and I just don't care anymore more, all I want to do when I get home is buy a gun lock myself in the bathroom and fucking blow my brains all across the room.

Fuck my work! fuck my boss! fuck the very second I was born!  and fuck me for wasting oxygen on this God forsaken shithole of a planet.

FUCK EVERYTHING!!! ",0.4414444444444428,2.626075700000001,1.8891666666666644,97.3502777777778,85.75,5.055555555555556,18.88888888888889,6.42735559955562,-0.14565277777777785,296,8,68,3,9,95,54,80,0.326,0.622,0.052000000000000005,-0.9817,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,7,0,6,0,4,9,2,2,2,12,15,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,2,0,12,1,10,13,3,9,0,0,0,6,0,6,7,0,3,42,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493737519749601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362816307554412,0.0,0.0,0.1535662901918385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536680518708324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8354700179802678,0.07869230391683779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046391595376417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108331625030266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871826742147995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427659594927015,0.17767818716099373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965255543464128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faeriesprite8,2019/01/06,Hospital stays I have spoken to life line multiple times over the last few days. I am thinking of admiting myself to hospital,5.207826086956524,7.702250000000002,6.338478260869567,70.10163043478265,70.73913043478261,11.556521739130435,33.23913043478261,11.20814326018867,4.9578000000000015,102,5,16,4,2,34,20,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464133187954928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378438944336775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794005562001447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5725238291347974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441800626877043,0.0,0.0,0.3132128735291402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rustythetoasteroven,2019/01/06,One of my best friends is extremely depressed and suicidal and I dont know what to do Description is the title. Weve had long talks about what hes experiencing and i listen and try to give advice I think may help. He cannot take antidepressents due to the field he is going in to and I really am not sure what I can do to help at this point. I try to keep him out of the house or staying with me because being at home makes it worse. Please if you have any advice ill gladly take it.,2.384199029126215,3.593809009708739,3.980764563106799,89.45425364077671,75.40776699029126,7.480097087378643,21.612864077669908,8.07648339933343,0.7761466019417473,380,9,87,6,8,127,70,103,0.142,0.708,0.15,-0.0213,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,1,1,16,24,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,2,12,4,14,20,1,9,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,3,2,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657343319891728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725891987108967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140763890187694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638772166374732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117999134299232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932203741295592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445808351836913,0.0,0.0,0.17951793524480866,0.10635372032533802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508666770418623,0.0,0.18771269962654685,0.0,0.0,0.2159298571636516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663351048555965,0.0,0.0,0.1028450699193497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560950071983144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491475542084753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680821934155126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541916876264693,0.17690403926208365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988413487962432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199462112348869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046964471179542,0.0,0.1763734968031362,0.0,0.2814060154804292,0.15041285504940605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990921397245845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25410616547566595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907076054998203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uname_checks_out,2019/01/06,"Not suicidal but want to be killed I want to die but I don't want to hurt my parents and friends.  I love her and I know she loves me but we can't be together ever. She wants me to be happy and so I pretend to be happy. I fucking want to be killed. She knows that, my friends know that but again I pretended that I was just kidding and they bought into it. I don't want my death to look like a suicide, I want to be hit by a car or I want to be mugged and in the process get killed or I want to get ill and just fucking DIE.

Please don't comment saying time will heal and things will get better. It's been years already. Also, I'm not suicidal. I just wanted to vent it out somewhere. Again, I am not going to kill myself.",-0.7274850099933339,1.2951389430379765,1.4696135909393746,99.3375116588941,89.9493670886076,4.338974017321786,18.442371752165226,5.750287758089431,-0.4752962025316454,555,16,135,4,19,185,79,158,0.244,0.477,0.279,0.916,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,1,0,1,1,8,15,6,0,3,0,16,6,0,0,1,36,41,15,10,10,12,1,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,1,7,10,0,0,3,2,1,2,7,7,0,0,3,2,26,8,16,28,0,10,0,1,1,4,14,3,2,2,6,92,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126877666832613,0.08063397862298229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891762331621168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929192735968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120680630110817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580252596682498,0.1864320310024876,0.15803905771571106,0.0,0.057304200282161724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467152283668145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794095388959374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44621528439048097,0.0,0.16624113759245526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926060619353852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467208259101397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200661934861764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196014920957062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106814237674152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018432559924507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308760474051679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669871910297676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879497638912089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5947234116912353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649314267893508
suicidewatch,KingCoughasaurus,2019/01/06,I don't deserve happiness Or to be loved. My planned date to die couldn't come faster. This existence is so hollow and meaningless. Soon...,1.7469230769230784,4.523599461538463,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,92.84615384615385,7.215384615384615,25.73076923076923,8.07648339933343,2.297569230769231,110,5,21,3,4,34,24,26,0.304,0.578,0.119,-0.7259,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438306580714178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347341843930349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.548478878878146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650210945989228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WaveSmashreddit,2019/01/06,"There is nothing more beautiful than you. No matter what you want to tell yourself, you and everyone you know is worthy of love from yourself and others. You are a wonderfully constructed, well rounded person that can't possibly do anything to be as bad as you think of yourself as. You could say that nobody really understands but nobody hasn't had a massive rough patch. Consider it possible that you could be a good person worthy of love and life for just one second. The truth is that you already are. I promise it's not impossible to be happy long term. You just have to take everything in baby steps.",5.774473684210527,7.1896288596491225,6.3218859649122825,75.11861842105263,67.42105263157896,9.559649122807018,30.91666666666667,9.827888789773867,3.155582456140351,486,19,83,11,8,158,76,114,0.045,0.691,0.264,0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,10,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,15,3,0,0,1,16,23,7,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,1,2,1,3,11,7,14,17,2,4,0,0,1,2,16,1,0,1,2,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402839465496056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152146987839272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437367333084584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952358866111776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766683111932276,0.16616532245269594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550751981747856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968166070211308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160955434277476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059179121945208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361997299693126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337370956541278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774049260486846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528482565474566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228739648134005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41686665359464375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844392276110333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703027855937276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901269085997614,0.0,0.1616001734490973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846870056958934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924748238277492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090516734202802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623642581728496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005030402453504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,punstressed,2019/01/06,"Why does my life have to be on hold? I wanna preface this by saying that I'm an MtF trans teen.

I wanna jump ahead a few years, see how I am in 2021, 2025, 2027, whatever. I'm doing everything I'm doing now (starting to transition even if I haven't done much, trying to build skills, trying to be less of a piece of shit, etc.) so that future me won't feel as much like a waste, but I'm tired of being me now. I at least want to see if I make it, and how. I want to see her, whatever she is called. I want to see her job, her flat, what her struggles are at that point and how different or similar to mine they are. I want to see the music she makes, and the friends she has, and what she looks like, and if she passes (she won't). I need Catharsis, and guess who has to wait for it, and most importantly work for it. Fuck that, I want to be her now. I want to restart my life, but I can't. I'm missing out on years of my life just because I'm a fucking pussy and can't see that four suicide attempts in three years all stemming from the same issue is reason enough to be valid. I don't want to miss any more of my own life. Not a second goes by that I don't think about everything and I hate it. There's no way to get away because it's in my stupid head, and coping is out of the question.

When I was thinking earlier about this, I was happy at first because it meant that I was for once thinking about life as if I won't die at 19, but then it hit me. That's Years From Now, and Years From Now is a long time; there are 365 days in a year and I have to live all of those. I don't want to. I guess it's sorta cliché to say I want to “fast-forward to the good part”, but it's true. The catch to that is that I'm also obsessed with doing as much as possible in the short amount of time I have left on this planet before I stop existing, and I don't want to miss out on my life. I just want to be better, and feel better now, even if it's just for a bit, at least I would know I have a concrete reason to not kill myself right here and now.

Which way do I go? Apparently nowhere, because as soon as I make progress or even begin to feel good about anything, it's undercut by my own stupid brain. And about that stupid brain, it won't even let me fucking sleep. I can't even escape for a few hours, no, I have to wake up every three fucking minutes, I have to take seven years to fall asleep. I curl myself in knots at night, and when I do go to sleep it doesn't last long because as soon as I fall asleep I wake up and I'm sick of it. I get maybe one or two hours of sleep a night, if I'm fucking lucky. I want to throw up.

Speaking of vomit. I don't even have the fucking willpower to keep my weight in check. I'm aware that I'm not in a good weight range, I'm aware I'm too skinny, you don't have to keep telling me that, but that won't convince me. I'm aware I'm like talking to a brick wall. Fuck OFF about how I don't eat enough, I'm aware, but I'm still eating more than I'd like to. Do you know why I don't eat, and why I vomit out what I *do* eat? It's because *""I'm not feminine enough"".* I'll always look and sound like a man in a dress, so why not try to solve at least one of those issues? The smaller I am, the more feminine I look. I know that for a fact. So shut the fuck up about it already.

I'm so fucking sick of right now. I'm so sick of my stupid crying fits, my inability to even try to look good because I'm too scared to. I'm tired of my up-swings and down-swings that just take me back to where I started, my constant angry thoughts for no reason, my incessant apathy about everything, my envy (god forbid). I despise having to wake up every day and do things, just to have to wake up the next day and do it all again. I hate not having enough time in the day to do what I fucking want to do just so I don't kill myself, and when I do have the time, I never make any progress I just throw shit at the wall and nothing gets done. Everything fucking breaks, nothing I do works. I waste my own time.

I'm done with not being able to look at certain people because if I do my day is more ruined than it already was by result of waking up that day. But I can't even say that, that I'm “done” with it, because I won't do shit about anything. I never fucking do, and I hate it. Even when I do actually do something, it has to take fucking years to take effect because fuck me I guess. Every part of me is tearing in a different direction, and I can't say anything because. I don't know. Again, fuck me I guess.

I tried to hang myself two weeks ago. I told myself I'd never attempt suicide again, but I couldn't keep that promise I guess. After it, I felt sorta okay for a day or two, like I released everything that had been building up, but it didn't last. It got worse. It's weird too, given how much I think about the future, with my transition and my music and everything. I should be hopeful, and I guess I am, it's just that it's not enough. I have to wait for everything to happen. I feel like my life is on hold until I do what I want to do, and sometimes I don't think I can last. I don't *want* to die, just because I want to see if I pass when I transition, I want to see what kind of music I make and if I get better, I want to see what city I live in years from now, I want to see if I marry somebody and have kids, I want to see what my career path will be and if I get better. But that's all so far away, and I have to trudge through the bog that is life and try not to get stuck in the mire. 

That's part of the reason why I can't ever just lay around, I *have* to be doing something and being productive, or else I get really down. I want the future to come faster, but at the same time I don't want to miss out on what life has for me, all the good and the bad. I want what I will have later on in life today, but I would never skip ahead in my life because I want to be as far away from death as possible. At one point, I wrote that when I was excited about transitioning and going forward in life instead of being scared of it, I knew it was do or die, but I'm not feeling any better now that I've ""done"" instead of dying. I'm so impatient for change, so aching for it that I'd sometimes rather just die instead of waiting. And that's the dichotomy. I don't know if I want to die or if I don't. Should I be happy that the coat hook bent and sent me tumbling to the ground in tears, or should I have gotten up and tried something stronger to hold me? Should I do that now? Probably not, but the desire is still there.

And now I'm back at that breaking point. I'm on the verge of ending it. I spent New Year's Eve in the dark of my room doing nothing for hours on end but thinking. (The only thing that stopped me from killing myself was a friend asking to play games. Thank you, Cassidy.) The dysphoria just gets to be too much. The waiting is killing me. I could speed up the process, sure, but I don't have the guts to do it. I *could* change up my voice, wear more feminine clothing, ask people to call me by my name and not my deadname, ask people to call me by feminine pronouns. I could do all of that. But I know I won't. And I don't know that I can wait until I do actually do it. My hair is taking too long to grow (even though it's quite long already), my father is taking too long to accept me and let me do anything, my music is shite and sounds like something made by a teenager (wonder why). My shoulders too broad, my hands too big, my posture too bad, my voice too deep, my face too fucked, my health too bad, my Adam's apple too large. Fuck me.

There's more, but I'm too tired. I've been awake too long.",2.041708633093524,2.6959193818944875,3.56229496402878,94.28009712230221,75.50479616306954,6.519232613908874,22.23333333333333,6.42735559955562,0.16896009592326156,5851,139,1441,40,120,1941,434,1668,0.13699999999999998,0.746,0.117,-0.9966,5,0,4,0,1,8,220.0,0,3,1,17,103,81,32,4,55,1,151,67,23,17,15,247,325,121,13,54,64,1,10,8,2,15,21,10,1,2,88,58,7,14,30,2,2,16,53,46,0,12,29,36,204,35,221,259,41,198,0,5,16,17,40,83,20,34,105,967,292,4,0.024940266466859342,0.0,0.048676204789929914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02210804141330136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256661267557691,0.019944722082877318,0.02075229962351759,0.0,0.0,0.0508807093069296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209485701520683,0.02220212479905346,0.0699473473740503,0.0,0.0702966039869481,0.038355050884480886,0.062472242232603815,0.19764361436317332,0.0,0.02122232982587428,0.0,0.0,0.11028819470340218,0.02722831150942789,0.0,0.0,0.05568317123670986,0.07640040165486348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276698992123623,0.021483831199085285,0.0,0.026951567858690458,0.0,0.05973832009750357,0.0,0.027395711609153318,0.1125908603005086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530435419400782,0.05211454038548192,0.0,0.0,0.021825395254638457,0.1276127583558199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208047575978524,0.020834392367967046,0.0,0.0441793468527192,0.12884981106865415,0.02781498977225141,0.16472810784105532,0.02255989887647623,0.06303975048960431,0.0,0.15690292339923526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305274048402165,0.01781733134722518,0.02394656696424886,0.0,0.0,0.021214177915969527,0.0,0.0,0.038537576010579236,0.3919668659306991,0.10424207885917283,0.0,0.042522384545347305,0.1045935611473687,0.019947009430248342,0.0,0.16484709182249574,0.0,0.022054595270148837,0.053098754832684565,0.0,0.07387004921012609,0.02559590866204757,0.026510336994833215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024771312033307617,0.07368341590725679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052062317013496257,0.024749366122110563,0.06650416431530562,0.1103708385507302,0.02597144961362813,0.09594562744108917,0.060988937710540085,0.0,0.0,0.02709767249047748,0.051006224434229364,0.21139257332217898,0.09747643531350314,0.0,0.04404542443420032,0.13242810599252558,0.10471771232772076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023599083161357524,0.08323910765485802,0.0,0.025055849865614512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166982758490387,0.018492891568207274,0.07694188407159712,0.02408746476632996,0.026524256328659075,0.04680950115832593,0.0,0.07179257495297346,0.0,0.0,0.02656056982496179,0.05070051005133986,0.01896819649949576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102363451715124,0.0,0.05187132148713903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072983965315395,0.05623280619497505,0.0,0.0,0.02688982550768913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0279388062910026,0.02652704334558544,0.0,0.0,0.015977373330691606,0.10257099089378313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259770258279414,0.0,0.07933400369377627,0.04993911519597824,0.0,0.21861579681592366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680247538091482,0.0,0.0,0.07487483408709164,0.0,0.0,0.0768009423894573,0.04933312251337232,0.0,0.035305697944180134,0.0,0.03983465803417885,0.04170235903500321,0.0,0.026072981623567804,0.0,0.054561207091391166,0.0,0.023505905989085123,0.0,0.11251185917171848,0.020046041465558544,0.02179889217877753,0.0229616465322084,0.0,0.0,0.03313840966345494,0.0958842942488482,0.024503685175039987,0.01979978571988824,0.08725721964681438,0.08599550232673657,0.023640456421768274,0.023831493400723186,0.0,0.11852962666237135,0.0,0.07308904912699883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677603835544068,0.03959284529508877,0.02000557738603208,0.060741051219458615,0.0,0.0,0.13502826765627074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027046655102769632,0.03631362205002722,0.0,0.02541626223630328,0.035433699453708535,0.0,0.0,0.16060713905901516
suicidewatch,m0ny,2019/01/06,"The only reason I'm alive is because I don't want to hurt people who love me by leaving them behind. But I worry, what if one point my mind crashes and I overlook the people, friends and family, who love me dearly? I don't want to punish them.

I'm pretty sane. I know there are good people that exist in world. But it's the bad people I cannot forget. People who have hurt me. It makes me want to stay indoor and not go out, which only makes me more depressed. 

I can't think about all the positive things I've done in life. It's only negative things i go to bed with. 

I've travelled more than anyone u know. 22 countries while in my 20s. I've come out of extreme poverty. I can fly pretty much anywhere in world in an hours notice. This much liberty I have, compared to not able to afford McDonald's as a kid. But even when I travel, I think negative in my hotel all day. I've accomplished a lot in life that people want to be like me. They see me as their role model. But behind the smile in every picture, there is a dead heart.

How do I sleep tonight with positive thoughts? ",1.3234090909090916,3.3427436785714306,3.0782305194805204,91.12813311688312,80.96428571428572,5.501298701298702,20.003246753246753,6.574015621080383,0.20842678571428586,840,22,177,8,22,279,123,224,0.12,0.66,0.22,0.978,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,4,1,6,11,1,0,9,0,13,6,2,4,2,33,32,13,1,5,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,13,8,0,0,6,3,0,5,8,5,0,1,2,1,27,6,27,29,7,24,0,3,1,2,12,13,0,2,6,115,40,1,0.11596513843275255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108552111595023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682604672428008,0.07069127203910555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989369850471956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747879207325851,0.0,0.09988060380674786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867259885280294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659388024156474,0.0,0.09770563066500287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932161188137723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959437828918107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181132117799435,0.09726605618866574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741924739318392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420230195799146,0.0,0.24828615828060546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274628146645382,0.0,0.0,0.12279033755613325,0.0,0.0,0.16381921354326578,0.05665470901284395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858941374293226,0.20932613003369704,0.0,0.15481526077583982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709173187213115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704954397358307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202707871745115,0.0,0.0,0.07858097900340487,0.2645901401021408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823737536997837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962453906421407,0.0,0.0,0.2359564720118537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923147627540193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240920127381748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604888706885272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360340791667745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540841702381275,0.1486115564812926,0.0,0.09206336648394346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735969728030861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776822716023568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beagle_goat,2019/01/06,"My dad killed himself He went missing two months ago and we had no idea where he was for that whole time, and then a week ago someone found his body. He'd committed suicide the night he left. He'd been dead the whole fucking time, two months, and nobody knew. I'm not thinking of killing myself, but I don't know what to do. I've been crying for an hour and I feel like I'm going to throw up, just thinking about how dad's not gonna be at my graduation, not gonna see me score my first goal in hockey, not gonna play guitar with me anymore, not gonna do any of that. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. ",1.1459090909090897,2.3498679328358243,2.6340434192673,97.87493215739485,78.6268656716418,5.469742198100407,20.39077340569878,5.565023196281405,-0.3642447761194028,469,11,118,2,11,153,84,134,0.163,0.785,0.052000000000000005,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,3,5,7,3,0,4,0,12,2,1,1,1,23,32,8,4,0,7,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,3,0,3,8,5,0,3,8,2,14,2,12,17,2,19,0,2,1,1,10,5,1,0,12,65,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763901230851554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060166694183147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460992166760004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316864966237927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712477365612237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882722117912272,0.11137428033642338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326076140290175,0.0,0.170935212231633,0.0,0.14412611801794445,0.0,0.0,0.08860099724687936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352911648163556,0.0,0.0,0.17599100057553455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449583013908967,0.0,0.17135603209563527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693847251086251,0.0,0.0,0.07616437908988596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018218009479266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488741968874884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463006553230948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423132268876334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209272104210168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052820805952568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978757498186264,0.0,0.0,0.18181192706756766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30458134978635937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250527781440708,0.0,0.0,0.14451993953888914,0.0,0.3481113432609163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snakeeyes072,2019/01/06,"All I've Wanted to Do This Past Week is Die I want to die. I'm tired of living with my disabilities. I know there are people who have it worse than me, but I don't have the strength to deal with it anymore. I have a spot picked out, I have a plan, I just haven't gathered up the courage to do it yet. I'll amount to nothing, I am nothing. My last attempt was years ago, hell my past 5 attempts were years ago. I thought I was doing good. I felt like I was recovering. Now I'm sitting alone in an apartment with no heat, my only food is ramen, I'm jobless and all my hobbies don't keep my attention anymore. What is there to do now? What could possibly make this any better. I should just do it and get it over with, nothing is better than suffering. My only friend right now is my roommate and he doesn't care how I feel. I've tried talking to him about it and he brushes it off saying he can't handle that stuff. So, aside from digital friends who can't do a thing to help, I have no one. I just want to die and I know I'll find more warmth in death than I do in life. ",1.1189224137931042,2.5575213232758642,2.768482758620692,95.8747931034483,79.30172413793103,5.67448275862069,22.37586206896552,6.2581,0.14361482758620658,825,25,200,6,20,272,122,232,0.177,0.675,0.14800000000000002,-0.8121,1,1,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,6,12,11,1,0,6,0,31,3,0,3,2,32,46,8,4,5,4,0,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,16,10,1,1,7,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,6,4,27,9,26,38,4,22,1,1,0,0,13,9,1,0,13,129,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219580613274886,0.0,0.0,0.12827680364555574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422589428444266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456624791016425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908000783265025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627879750015691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988884294617582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768944118108874,0.0,0.0,0.3856269388664944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262499316567109,0.0,0.11892057196605126,0.0,0.1132015583064866,0.0,0.14976639703748326,0.0,0.19138069303233887,0.0,0.06470931542802412,0.0,0.0,0.1038840025309774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301763931919652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008833778842912,0.0,0.0,0.13613533723966678,0.10095865191542848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874827059983874,0.06050947437476033,0.0,0.10936655500603801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826744168133825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35652768470192325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392759963292983,0.18839516998425349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646791775847406,0.08586571412783145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396283126083644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577180359816384,0.0,0.09849475615550543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417847589418747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955024953257127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228399998018243,0.0,0.0,0.09832732375081893,0.0,0.14235352035320006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408966166009653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915930692213745,0.0,0.09934930166858097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621919655092168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595175865270699
suicidewatch,uninstalldustin,2019/01/06,GOODBYE I've ruined everything. I ruined him. And in the process I've ruined myself. Im done fighting the demons in my head. It's time to just let them win. Goodbye my dearest lover. ,-0.01585585585585747,2.2850031351351348,1.804189189189192,93.11096846846847,98.72972972972971,3.547747747747748,22.382882882882885,5.46131890053228,0.3076882882882885,144,6,28,1,6,47,27,37,0.246,0.521,0.233,0.1027,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,3,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43792555778573466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845999252130019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43918424467425904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622426818966972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375920083088927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495320418127616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmptyActions,2019/01/06,"I'm gone in the next few minutes AMA I'm just working up the nerves to drop my weight, I'm on a throwaway so my fiancee can't find this any questions?",-1.5450000000000017,0.4276039117647059,0.5972941176470599,102.8918235294118,98.11764705882356,2.72,21.50588235294117,3.1291,-0.6198047058823528,119,5,29,0,5,39,28,34,0.115,0.885,0.0,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849188153717135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829375059170325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455869303740999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693502724173758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510201270588136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050203402414275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cowardlytospeak,2019/01/06,"Can't go on. Maybe this will be a final note of me. I can't go on. I'm the worst person on the planet and I can't live with myself. I had a normal life. Parents, good grades, friends. Got through highschool with impressive grades. College was when it started. 

The first semester my grades dropped. I panicked but didn't have the guts to talk to anyone about it. 4 years later I've been deluding and lying to my parents about paying my fees. Meanwhile I've been shut inside my room playing video games and writing short stories. Trying to find something to hold on to. Last sem they found out about my lies. They gave me a chance. If I passed this semester I could continue college. If I didn't then I'd go back home with no prospect of a future. I tried. I really did. I went to classes even when I basically had to argue with myself and coax myself to face anyone. As a result my attendance wasn't a problem But I was too cowardly to give the exams. The weight and consequences of my imminent failure basically made me too scared to sit in the examinations. Today my father will come to the college and I'll have to face him. I simply can't. I'm just done. 

People here have genuine problems and tough situations. Iam the fuck up who even with the best of circumstances has fucked everything up. I'm the failure that will never be anything. I don't know what to do or think. I'm just done with life. ",1.5158571428571437,4.001205085714286,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,83.85714285714286,5.7857142857142865,22.67857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.9192857142857144,1104,39,221,16,32,360,151,280,0.173,0.7509999999999999,0.076,-0.9858,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,2,13,13,3,1,17,0,28,8,3,2,1,36,47,16,0,6,7,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,2,1,7,15,1,1,5,3,2,7,10,8,0,1,17,1,31,5,37,24,2,34,0,0,0,2,15,11,2,3,14,148,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036806143445795,0.0,0.11202194284231852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467421405215813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428581896901435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726242535130572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868732297841073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786129049684708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982283764914347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234328473091645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912183329052475,0.12441874541120602,0.11579061160965598,0.0,0.14925758912754472,0.10517234073113604,0.2516967291270536,0.0,0.13058661218085652,0.23209444802008145,0.1141779093553179,0.10887418927383287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365477241821293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481252077658113,0.11096268459234183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923028037481186,0.0,0.0,0.12020373011965145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880783236119284,0.0,0.0,0.13675911420330095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499049091531006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337677267616144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023086021977607,0.0,0.0,0.09437418164065936,0.11886192866929575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605126827845031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720723646255127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628811624688209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301384558295295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479816996324552,0.0,0.0,0.09635226909228924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941472306132813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722547973036354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903365469313624,0.0,0.0,0.18484427886541727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576752345468207,0.0,0.12619224251585354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766212357689905
suicidewatch,Barely_Hanging,2019/01/06,"When will the pain end? 23 years old. I suffer from severe depression and panic attacks. I'm hurting. I'm tired of the pain, when will it end? I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear me.  I make an effort by taking my medication and going to therapy. I've been doing these 2 things for over 12 years but I'm starting to believe things just don't get better. I'm at the lowest I've ever been. I feel like no one close to me understands what I'm going through and they probably never will. My family and my significant other get upset at me for not being able to get out of bed, attend family events, go on dates, hold a conversation, etc., they just don't understand, and when they get upset at me I feel worse. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't get out of bed, I can't take care of myself, and I can't stop crying. I just want someone who understands me to hold me tight in their arms and make me feel not so alone in this world. 

​

I called today to find a new therapist who specializes in cognitive behavior therapy and exposure therapy. This will be my last attempt at getting better. If it doesn't work out then I don't want to live another year. 

​

Thanks for listening. ",2.4438501742160286,4.1650777520325235,4.328164924506389,84.89621951219516,76.35772357723576,7.937746806039487,23.502903600464567,8.704169506293173,1.59370987224158,941,29,195,20,21,320,128,246,0.192,0.721,0.087,-0.9743,1,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,4,5,8,17,1,3,6,0,19,7,2,2,2,38,52,16,0,3,7,0,5,2,0,4,4,3,2,0,11,13,1,4,8,0,0,4,14,10,0,2,2,8,29,7,29,44,1,37,0,3,0,0,10,14,0,1,21,122,40,1,0.09170631763366904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498008789016138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987275136831712,0.22286642736315715,0.0,0.09616207006003667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432917546216623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332161596772856,0.0,0.16221357102425185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364240368496618,0.0,0.09350070273320484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073508372365772,0.0,0.0,0.07898651699929554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383845744653924,0.0,0.0,0.16244915509251576,0.0,0.10227678563181608,0.0,0.08295361458542233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290510922352725,0.0,0.18547787864847606,0.1310300232825637,0.0,0.0,0.08381791291714831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874765955494952,0.0,0.15635644105239993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033596849852962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817350974201812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475288875060639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960614906156215,0.0,0.0809783586081547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242935826340197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923844670219826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072956567423731,0.08857053302883322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962303536934546,0.0,0.12428514841345795,0.0,0.1951639754767391,0.10759760451315432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887492109993512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360203576053494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177254683950956,0.0,0.07770246533275871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649102036309374,0.0,0.0,0.07667058787882519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790347573694253,0.0,0.0,0.0844308561447342,0.3146224994967962,0.10647810303650383,0.12185120501858612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054029215755974,0.08692686617845106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28640853256094057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818152433819576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676329145428263,0.0,0.09345657235861006,0.0,0.0,0.22286642736315715,0.17716758553906067
suicidewatch,ayden634,2019/01/06,I’m trying to stop i can’t No matter what I can’t stop thinking about cutting or suicide I try but it wont go away what did I do to deserve this I haven’t hurt anyone or done anything wrong ,-2.1232792207792213,-0.3292917045454509,0.8068831168831174,100.47318181818184,102.4090909090909,2.5142857142857142,17.649350649350648,3.1291,-1.0256194805194805,151,5,36,0,7,52,32,44,0.393,0.583,0.024,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178773144538265,0.0,0.2374836781750636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711383178760948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953261467357642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401144811841234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089398695304016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825456781233036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156688888156483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491580516603773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39186518391639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31552613103374005,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aqua_melon,2019/01/06,"I'm suicidal because of a situation I can't get out of I am a minor currently living in an abusive home. I am the youngest child and the abuse has started before I was born. I have been suicidal since the 4th grade and insecure for much longer (probably because of the abuse). I have tried telling adults that could help me but no one ever listens. I have always told my mom about the things that my dad does, but her response is always, "" While I don't agree with what he did... you could have done better. My parents would have done the same thing; you're just complaining. "" I know it's not a logical thing to say, but part of me believes her. What if I could have done something different? What if I was pushing his buttons too much? Something that used to help me was imagining an unrelated child in the same situation, but after spending so long being fed the same reasoning, a part of me thinks I deserve it. I tried to kill myself in early June, 2017. I hated myself so much. I thought I was completely worthless and that I deserved to die. Before this I begged my mom for therapy and I started to have exesive absences in school, but she thought I was over reacting. It didn't help that my dad would heavily insult me every time I was absent, but I thought I deserved it. I knew that my friends didn't need me. I tried to overdose, but it was on an over-the-counter drug and I ended up throwing up in the morning. My parents just thought I caught a stomach bug. I tried to overdose again multiple times but I couldn't physically take as much pills. School turns around again and I still can't bare to go. After being absent for two weeks, I finally tell my mom about my multiple attempts. She takes me to a phycologist, and after a month, I finally get a therapist. I start to tell her about all the things my dad does and she called CPS. I finally thought that my dad would face the consequences for his abuse, I wouldn't be in the same spot in my life for what felt like forever, I had an actual chance of getting better. But then, my fantasy slowly met reality. We were interviewed. I tried to tell the agent about all the things my dad did, but she told me: "" If you were ever in any danger, why didn't you call the police?"" What? Why doesn't any abused kid call the police?? Instead of getting angry, I got scared. How am I supposed to get help if the only people who can help me don't believe me? My dad ended up losing his job because he wouldn't inform his boss before leaving to take us to our appointments. He ended up blaming this on me and my brother. We ended up moving. The only thing that kept me attempting after that summer was my friend group. I ended up being more open about my depression and they accepted me and helped me out. I ended up staying at my friend's house every time I felt unsafe at home, or to just make myself happy for once. Now I don't have them. I ended up not being able to keep my absences down and got kicked out of the school October of this school year. Now I don't have anyone. I feel like a fucking failure. My friends and I keep in contact on social media but it's not the same. The distance is already growing. I'm not really a part of their life anymore. I don't even think my parents would tell them if I did die (they don't like them very much). We're also in a one bedroom apartment now, with five people living in it. I don't have any privacy. As soon as my dad gets home from work he reminds me just how much of a useless piece of shit I am. I have ideations on a daily basis. I'd have to be at least 17 to get away but I don't think I could last that long. 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suicidewatch,ThrowAway10088289204,2019/01/06,"Trying to help my brother in need. Please help My brother has recently been arrested for multiple felonies, but he has been bailed out for now until his court date. I'm not saying anything about what it was about because that isn't the point here. If he does go to jail after his trial it would probably be for a very long time.

He has had a long history of very serious depression, but last night was the first night he finally opened up to be, and straight up told me all he has wanted since he was a kid was to die. 

Last night I had to force him to stay home with me and sleep at my house because he was going to kill himself had he left my house. He's currently asleep at my place and he'll be crashing here for as long as he needs.

My biggest worry is that he is already struggling with suicide deeply, and even if I am able to get him professional help, I'm not sure how his trial would affect it.

He has told me that I am the only reason he hasn't done it yet, and currently I am kind of using this to honestly guilt trip him into not killing himself for now because I don't kow what else to do other than spend as much time with him as I can, and let him know that I'm always there for him and that I love him unconditionally.

I'm a college student and my classes are about to start again, so I will be going back to class very soon but I'm too afraid to leave him alone roght now so I think I might have to take this semester off to help him.

I am terrified that if I leave back for college that I will never see my brother again, and if his trial goes poorly I am terrified of him killing himself in prison, because he openly talked to me about doing it in prison if he were convicted.

Is there any advice someone could give? Preferably someone who's dealt with the prison system in some way before if possible. I'm just trying my best to help my brother in any way because I love him and I don't know what I would do without him.",6.992321521625848,5.01725121287129,7.1897602918186525,81.38754820218864,65.33663366336634,10.287441375716519,33.144346013548734,8.6894789155246,2.37990297029703,1526,48,334,18,19,496,182,404,0.157,0.736,0.107,-0.9739,2,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,23,14,3,3,8,0,47,4,2,4,3,52,73,27,5,14,14,4,0,0,0,7,0,1,1,1,19,18,0,0,5,0,2,4,9,8,0,1,14,2,50,6,55,46,4,56,0,1,1,2,53,19,0,8,29,226,69,6,0.08484917855317665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291363527467496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787815980771582,0.09363317844191442,0.0,0.07060131368221903,0.0,0.0,0.11540070203694175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982364433071313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130487561760334,0.0,0.2586163585220704,0.0,0.07220040151145868,0.0,0.08904397811324084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774516483421514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308047315713179,0.0,0.08806005138052132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074252087940409,0.08683016866547431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088060107239058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604208220271166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294812770992282,0.0,0.07217266793210911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433019377333704,0.08139506360913049,0.14466523056557212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28436307920135884,0.0,0.0851106442679867,0.0,0.0,0.1958091199631725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816191338522425,0.08835736251975439,0.09326177907021152,0.13832681037968722,0.0,0.1796860576671824,0.09218888076337224,0.08676403377835122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22526655891487316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315939275469592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900115698404188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237390910819651,0.12582918155428574,0.06544091728614633,0.0,0.0,0.23887561869350454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453162374011026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864933236098912,0.09313891832127606,0.08020989941096046,0.09565469999536164,0.0,0.0,0.09148176539322243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723908716339805,0.08377832754009026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747547238214481,0.0,0.0,0.06761380984670176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018811730640555,0.0,0.08491045561518068,0.0,0.1437848672842298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060056685296263734,0.09043793479524892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870278415555292,0.0,0.09281122975822947,0.0,0.07996934663758726,0.0,0.06379602266142895,0.06819855569128361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436792755720677,0.0,0.0,0.09895247670675264,0.0,0.0,0.16215405247844955,0.0,0.11521404518249763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328244749134998,0.0,0.2100283752936247,0.050046243877076034,0.13469865706267772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179158027526467,0.0,0.0,0.0861684594978905,0.0,0.180823266006944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Confessional2019,2019/01/06,"I don’t think I’m in control somehow I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to let myself write and whatever I say I say.

I’m 19, and a sophomore in college. 
I’m on a full scholarship to a fairly renowned university as an opera singer
Which is what I’ve wanted to do since I was young. 
Ive been getting big roles and great job offers. 

Last year I toured Germany, Austria and other countries around the area.
I accepted an offer to sing in Italy over the summer for decent money a couple weeks ago and today I got the job offer which would be my big break. 
I’m almost certain that I could make it to some capacity, maybe not be world famous but make a decent living. But I have no clue, maybe I just have a fucked up ego too

With the job offer I realized Ive never asked myself the stereotypical question of
“What’s more important work or friends/family”
Because I’ve never really had any friends or family because I’ve spent my whole life focused on becoming the best at this. 
And now looking around I realize I have absolutely no social skills nor the time to make friends or find an eventual girlfriend or wife. 

I’ve had friends and girlfriends in the past but I’ve shoved everyone away because I thought they were holding me back. 

And now I just want someone or a few friends to share my success with. 

I’ve always pictured myself being successful with a wife and kids and my great job singing everywhere but always coming home when my son had his big game or for my daughters birthday party. I wanted to be a great dad, and I always knew the most important thing I’d make my kids learn is that I’d always be there for them and make them be there for each other.
And now I realize I’ll never have any of that.

I know I’m selfish for wanting all of that but I don’t know anymore. I can’t throw away my work because I’ve spent everything on it but at the same time I know I’ll never be happy with it. 
I don’t think it’s wanting more in the sense of more money or fame but the idea that there’s something missing.
I’ve never cared about money because I know it can be gone in a minute and if I based my life on getting money the carpet can be pulled out and I’d never recover always needing more. 

But I’m sitting here now with no idea how to make friends and no time to either. I feel like I want to end my life just so I don’t have to deal with this. 
Whatever I chose I’ll know I will always regret not choosing the other.
If I go for singing, and lets pretend for a second that I make it, then I’m always going to want to give it up and settle down with a family but if I go for a family I’ll always have wondered what if I did this. 

Plus I could go for either and I could be a failure no matter what. 
I know I’m young, thank god for that at least, but I don’t want to have this on my conscious forever. 
I want to give myself a condition like

If this happens then I just end my life
Or if by X year I don’t achieve Y then I end it

But I can’t quantify happiness with anything because I don’t think anything will make me happy anymore
I’m so screwed up I think I’m always going to want more. I know I have an addictive/gambling personality and I don’t think I could ever be happy with how successful I end up even if i was a billionaire 
Which I feel shitty for and I know I’m an asshole for thinking that 
But I’m just free writing and that’s what’s coming to mind 

If you read all of that thank you 
How do I become less shitty on this. I hate that I was told “I’m special” and stuff as a child because I was stupid enough to believe it and now I’m fucked no matter what because my brain isn’t going to let me be happy 
Is there another way out? I don’t want to just ride it out anymore this has been on my mind for a while. I’m only 19 I can’t imagine another 60 70 years of this 
I feel like I have the advantage that my life doesn’t really matter to anyone personally and those who knew my work people would just say “ooh he was a tortured artist” and brush me off in an hour at most. At least I’m lucky there. 
I’m sorry for sounding so selfish. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess",1.816697721612396,3.314622632536973,3.688528887249024,89.77435038280602,77.50967007963595,6.480589121544753,23.368708298742426,7.222845823187471,0.7891422255019527,3230,101,712,38,74,1091,300,879,0.111,0.743,0.146,0.9731,5,0,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,2,3,11,37,40,6,0,40,0,69,10,2,13,10,178,160,71,0,28,41,5,3,3,7,4,5,5,2,5,48,44,0,2,34,8,8,13,30,10,0,1,20,10,97,31,92,117,22,93,0,2,1,3,45,40,3,25,40,474,145,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995081348688205,0.0,0.0451299399986732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375080191707114,0.0,0.0,0.061296722750495476,0.09451723122006424,0.0,0.0,0.13408855732215885,0.03151318566218737,0.0,0.07417564178420404,0.08024165780020676,0.04213328801349695,0.0,0.08468733049486958,0.03465516133970704,0.0,0.2197884060981949,0.09955000106471146,0.0,0.05077715704516083,0.047296974304898765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050311738313858115,0.0,0.0,0.04595069310568794,0.0,0.0,0.07764564188864942,0.0,0.0,0.0505485440911298,0.14393522788796193,0.04986782188247717,0.0,0.0,0.046464002197532085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967048487826127,0.0465681665199586,0.0,0.029767548329475743,0.04076735227005504,0.0,0.043065214605276,0.040504973546464484,0.0,0.16994759136744347,0.0,0.0683644894947146,0.06439438647502296,0.0,0.0,0.04119210958451311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741003966218467,0.0833308454766921,0.07063983708686959,0.08646828934733293,0.1792956501755947,0.0,0.03604567399125064,0.14906568847503934,0.049648415977825315,0.0,0.039854232480145066,0.239883127936194,0.0,0.0444961556911892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452077281396501,0.0,0.04438373577824164,0.0,0.0,0.10175448472442986,0.0,0.0,0.17889550528308826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229179364848773,0.036737125490318864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825784841907784,0.15916729708255373,0.06605508625415074,0.0,0.03979661752086724,0.0,0.0378464805250518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406704422207533,0.0,0.0905554287712008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101337538959686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668359578365977,0.20855923885850847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034276888954892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043023314021687575,0.03124506375018192,0.07870475747027149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048742302908935,0.0,0.04508104317979461,0.0,0.0577445147683416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336222397479115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03728141589236393,0.0,0.0,0.04594201377077354,0.03818668773270052,0.03469620021577257,0.0,0.050450884274629536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051593047084518937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298667808791531,0.0,0.0,0.029941739274109706,0.17326978379696398,0.0,0.03577963020729498,0.0788400212014354,0.0,0.04271999710849978,0.043065214605276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924105096102688,0.035773552894816665,0.036151510480068524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031775807343163,0.0,0.0,0.04887524196533617,0.09843197195303643,0.0,0.0,0.06403123151260437,0.0,0.0,0.08706857930908356
suicidewatch,PurpleShirt777,2019/01/06,"What's the honest point. If anyone wants to talk, pm me, i don't want to die, but i definitely don't want to live, im a burden on everyone, and i cause undue stress. Pm me. We can have an honest chat, and since you dont know me it should be decently easy to say some things.
Ill help people, but ill also take any help i can get.
If you don't want to pm some random off of the internet, text home to 741741 in the United States. ",1.669072948328271,2.450263202127662,3.706717325227967,92.40500000000004,76.55319148936171,7.073556231003039,17.683890577507594,7.447530270364453,-0.07218966565349573,327,4,81,4,7,112,63,94,0.165,0.599,0.237,0.8792,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,0,9,2,0,1,0,17,16,7,1,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,10,14,2,5,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,5,0,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837902457628542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318314668663432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722343651547476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162957590625484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852059877440733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467663523022315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119225509062885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100051650580557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822582515556433,0.0,0.21120165904911067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274331908183343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157143306510552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592200915263954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597082341206816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904048398948704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744006386979896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417147935070035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411875589564332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830952688365987,0.1692343916631591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988194651085664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967580648424522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rccsune,2019/01/06,"Im tired of everything I’ll start off by saying that I’m not intentionally going to try to kill myself but everyday I wake up I wish deep down that something will just end me. I have caring family/friends, a good job, my life seems perfect but I don’t know nothing makes me happy. Drinking doesn’t do anything for me, neither does drugs anymore. Im becoming more and more reckless and just hoping my actions will cause a quick death. I dont know if Im having a midlife crisis at 23 but I dont see a purpose in anything.",2.5813888888888883,4.218575101851855,4.2770370370370365,85.77166666666669,75.75925925925927,6.651851851851853,27.740740740740733,7.3871296695380915,1.525474074074074,413,17,84,5,9,139,74,108,0.199,0.633,0.168,-0.5764,1,0,3,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,0,9,5,1,3,1,18,20,6,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,2,12,5,10,18,3,12,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,3,4,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512659302320554,0.0,0.0,0.2510336678786789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845423445950353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555115770409798,0.1566873806669884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334775215616472,0.0,0.3575213267848004,0.14941852221869872,0.17688304960485804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509376699283515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370815517347256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178420842525749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668468442051845,0.12793252218688064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623679688359824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514938582994693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942664308423398,0.0,0.15135964373882474,0.0,0.1687486733980366,0.0,0.1676498462469117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773442448725172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181304537348347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635389736664858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129569779907327,0.0,0.0,0.12154437689242086,0.13885497296018326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742283844281085,0.0,0.0,0.1079594894757238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530750122508765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355591086134454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753986749954581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kakashihk,2019/01/06,"Tired I am tired of living...no one cares about me.
Everyone use me for my energy then abandon me. I am sick and tired of being used.
I want to die. I’ve given so much to a point where I almost hate myself for being so foolish every single time I all’s someone to take advantage of me.",0.6402185792349719,2.4949917377049218,3.4635245901639347,88.33878415300549,82.44262295081967,6.033879781420765,18.36338797814207,7.1686216300943375,0.3201125683060111,220,5,47,3,6,78,43,61,0.34,0.545,0.115,-0.9555,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,1,7,11,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,11,2,9,8,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024935106851709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617614749014032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987180270388325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703785595184134,0.1932292950996392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996497841159936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486545208752962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702909358470006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116268864452435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133983472302888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520438163661291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791575375490795,0.6972643307292878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493052552309613,0.0,0.0,0.11927423680067745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SaharanMoon,2019/01/06,"Whenever someone says I need to ""follow my dreams"", I think of suicide. It's the only dream that's left; to rest from carrying boulders of emotions, like Sisyphus, eternally, to the top of the mountain, only to fall back at the start. ""One must imagine Sisyphus happy"", as said Camus... but I've always been a dreamer.

Fernando Pessoa is probably my favorite poet of all time and ""[Tabacaria](https://www.azores-adventures.com/2015/10/tabacaria-by-fernando-pessoa-%C3%A1lvaro-de-campos.html)"" (written by his heteronym Álvaro de Campos) is one of the best representations of who I am and how I feel, specially its first stanza. Here it is:

""I am nothing 

I shall never be anything

I cannot want to be anything.

Aside from that, I have within me all the dreams of the world.""

And I do. I've dreamed of so many things in my life. I've aspired to do so much. Yet, I'm nothing. I used to think if it is even worthwhile to live while being nothing... until I saw another poem of Pessoa that said: ""tudo vale a pena se a alma não é pequena"" - translated to English, ""everything is worthwhile if the soul is not small."" My soul has always been tiny, and yet, I have in me dozens of souls, all the dear people I've once met. ""If I have seen it further it is by standing in shoulders of giants."" I understood then how I managed to live 10 full years of suicidal thoughts and not killing myself. It wasn't me. It was everyone else.

Now, though, there's no one left anymore. The only reason I'm trying to live is because I feel I have a personal duty to accomplish first... but what my emotional side craves is rest. To live is to work, and I just want to take a nap. The pain is too much.",3.645019675925924,5.608038471875003,4.593472222222225,83.23912037037039,73.65625,7.3657407407407405,28.41435185185185,8.167268648758528,2.0414733796296294,1301,53,243,21,27,422,174,320,0.06,0.821,0.119,0.9587,0,0,0,0,0,2,87.0,0,0,0,6,14,7,1,0,16,0,30,3,1,4,5,34,51,20,3,7,8,0,2,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,14,6,0,1,8,5,0,2,6,2,0,6,12,7,28,5,38,34,9,31,3,0,2,0,7,14,0,3,15,172,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757904295992796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189253779858024,0.0,0.0,0.10582556411394176,0.0,0.0,0.17562302016124073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205178886568806,0.0,0.06504814577083011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198335831162036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914075848159167,0.24006405133892736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047956195144804,0.0,0.0,0.10196397187737127,0.09590218048232813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790944150078112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815313714548688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359254440007073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805648190858906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318768924214727,0.0,0.07537094591203743,0.05213209020249035,0.0,0.3769001247902827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818506272782093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568851697995053,0.07912255619426448,0.08229971126599875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30716732562328297,0.0,0.0,0.113640431555883,0.2169241051795068,0.2434685005154164,0.1135447296908153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397782248924205,0.09317322287685667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504916480686155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971349397904748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300729864294145,0.08485840548819741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041325788702824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552840125793599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344224769788105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023106127924358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089198763521032,0.1367482280397707,0.10483997054099507,0.0847141536778135,0.06222223495440842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244766000792766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216136508344132,0.0,0.0,0.12587816894501427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768462251220279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871638942199708
suicidewatch,IM-NAKED-RIHTNOW,2019/01/06,There are a bunch of fucking sleeping pills in my house and I’ve got an important question How many sleeping pills equals an overdose?,5.5440000000000005,7.703558000000001,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,69.0,6.6000000000000005,36.5,7.1686216300943375,2.6166,110,6,19,1,2,32,22,25,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,1,5,2,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30622269963053345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26491999538610805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382202314605756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358217038734131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710605572022145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629511981148801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,casualtea11,2019/01/06,"Still so hurt We dated for almost 2 years. He was an amazing person with such a good heart and I was happy I met someone like him.. but he was cheating on me constantly. I would have never expected it.. he denied it.. made me look stupid for suspecting it at some times. I believed him until I saw all the messages on his phone. The way he talked to other girls as if I didn’t exist made me so furious but still I don’t have the courage to break it off. I don’t have many friends.. especially close friends so to me he was my best friend and lover so letting go of that was difficult. I couldn’t get myself to end it because I didn’t want to be alone but I was extremely hurt all the time. I truly loved him and had eyes only for him. Not once did I think of cheating or being with someone else but all that time he was fucking around behind my back. He broke up with me back in August but I’m still so angry. Why did he do me so wrong and hurt me. I thought I knew him so well until I read all those messages. He wasn’t the affectionate type but he would call other girls babe, baby and sending hearts and shit. It hurt.. boy it hurt so much and it still does. I’m still so angry and hurt. I still want to know why he did me like that when he knew he was the closest person to me and how much he meant to me. I want to move on but I can’t get myself to do that. I feel so hurt, betrayed and dumb. I could have never expected it if I didn’t snoop through his phone. I just want to know why.. and I just want to move on. ",0.4671951219512174,2.2506380975609765,2.2581097560975607,97.1294207317073,82.65853658536584,5.197560975609757,18.78658536585366,6.158741222570753,-0.3344621951219509,1168,28,282,9,32,385,142,328,0.236,0.617,0.146,-0.9938,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,1,25,31,7,0,8,0,32,7,4,3,6,61,57,36,0,13,13,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,6,16,17,0,0,9,1,0,4,11,17,1,0,24,4,46,14,34,26,8,38,0,8,3,3,41,11,3,5,23,192,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788051322710944,0.08150786264086893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005830781941094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210285045064106,0.0,0.047973846228054125,0.0,0.0,0.08866620645654913,0.0825891706532222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035991907842457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850450690800719,0.0,0.06283431061793142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886954617492108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574245874915763,0.0,0.06970347003004597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039792302238345664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240668768411372,0.07275545126191076,0.08223338660769294,0.0,0.04472614419649765,0.06600852818468203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377596614208394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651609040416264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5897382480204376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650122276946494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047449972607004,0.0,0.07689617741703088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608687943878917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102842602828699,0.14893275732282604,0.0,0.07978787868545632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728800091889615,0.11570483558347215,0.0,0.12139419644022525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381128353694606,0.0,0.05985371946010326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743290646944126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871974947910584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078283062586658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333618869362075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37709211524094094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325483512346752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042679069632087,0.0,0.06247778063032261,0.1376691016920843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23209193163293715,0.06246716853082235,0.0,0.0,0.07075936015579573,0.0,0.21303933802291145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118102454596706,0.0860444035844946,0.0,0.0506792232186314
suicidewatch,cacaoho,2019/01/06,"I can't afford to get the help I need As time goes on, the temptation of killing myself grows. I have seen therapists in the past, but due to medical bills and my inability to hold down a steady job I can't afford to get help anymore. I dropped out of college recently and I now have to find a new place to live. I don't think I'll be able to make it on my own in the mental state I am currently in. I'm thinking about ending it all soon. I've been fantasizing about ending my life all day today. ",2.3367523364485976,3.3083917757009367,4.293539719626172,88.10236565420561,75.16822429906544,7.966822429906544,24.589953271028037,8.472884824447931,1.3313,388,12,90,7,8,133,69,107,0.047,0.897,0.056,0.2144,4,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,0,8,2,0,1,2,12,16,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,12,0,19,13,3,23,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,12,55,14,2,0.2044896268377112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279876182113926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187889230557998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622342272826571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868998142877203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367478004921087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741301728259635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292440136938109,0.0,0.2262374744371189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444370709122026,0.0,0.0,0.18056808692133505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649841380214786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060017856391409,0.20607744737888334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162646722150955,0.0,0.1974973558553804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520848730017104,0.0,0.0,0.2136481366469542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190883668984214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374282177951943,0.0,0.262057391896735,0.0,0.0,0.1192395458710872,0.0,0.19383225589767844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hanhanc11,2019/01/06,I may kill myself because I’m too scared to get more help My therapist suggested inpatient. My parents think suicidal thoughts are a choice and selfish. I don’t want to have to worry about coming clean with how bad things are. I’m seriously thinking about killing myself so I won’t have to face more treatment and people. ,4.822622950819671,6.932060114754101,5.030295081967214,80.72740983606558,70.80327868852459,8.158688524590165,31.872131147540983,8.841846274778883,2.836479344262296,261,12,46,5,5,82,45,61,0.361,0.5479999999999999,0.091,-0.9709,1,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,1,0,7,1,1,1,0,10,15,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,7,0,7,12,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038136746679808,0.14880136501153962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102709183862288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753240712218267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361538220497254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5401219496201484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27104465573580444,0.0,0.0,0.16922851276595444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438712812315125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26700626664429633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28341942953845384,0.1621694885149355,0.3128194163583997,0.0,0.19378848626164494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439767663029289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478958498120961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmcthrowerson,2019/01/06,"I’ve wasted my life and have no friends and may have killed someone I’m 30 and nothing to show for it: I don’t like my job, don’t have many friends (though I have superficial friendly acquaintances), and my romantic history is a mess.

To be positive, I’ve travelled a lot and have a (useless) degree. 

I had severe OCD as a teenager that left me housebound, and I missed a bunch of social development. I have some trauma etc and have borderline personality disorder, OCD and generalized anxiety disorder.

I can’t find reciprocal romance. Whenever I’ve slept with someone, it’s been out of a sense of duty, rather than genuine attraction.

I hate being rejected and become controlling and stalkerish. There’s probably about 10 people who hate me. 

Just recently, I was on holiday in New York. I hadn’t slept with someone in a year. I met a cute chubby Jewish guy (so in theory not a player) and we slept together. I thought we were going to keep meeting up, but the next day I sent too many texts and supposedly scared him off. Then he started making suicide threats and accusing me of all sorts of things (“please don’t hurt my dog”, “please don’t hurt my family”). It was really out of proportion to what I said. 

Since then I’ve tried to contact him to have a conversation, but he’s blocked me on everything. I refrained from contacting him, then called a lot of times tonight. I just got home and I’m really jetlagged. 

I just want a 2 minute conversation about what went down. Then I’d have a resolution and could move on.

But now I’ve called so many times he’s probably scared and going to kill himself or something and it’s my fault. And I don’t know how to escape this situation. I just want to talk on the phone and be free. I’m not attracted to him. I was just shaken by the threats he made. It seemed like he was exaggerating his fear as an excuse not to see me again. I feel like he just used me for sex.

So now I’m scared I’ve called too many times and he’s done something. And I can’t see any reason to go on. I don’t like my job and I have no friends. All my relationships are jokes and a bunch of people hate me. I can’t shake this horrible obsession with having a conversation with this guy. And I’m really tired and can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in 36 hours now. 

I suck and I’m a failure and I’m afraid. He doesn’t even care enough about me to have a quick phone call. I feel worthless. And I’m scared I’ve somehow pushed him over the edge. It’s probably a crazy fear, but it’s frightening. 

I’ve wasted my life. ",1.94125,4.094235812500003,3.6606312500000016,87.05624375000002,79.546875,7.611625000000001,24.1071875,8.548686976883017,1.6411904999999996,1984,71,422,45,50,662,228,512,0.251,0.653,0.096,-0.9982,2,1,2,0,0,1,61.0,2,0,0,1,26,41,8,9,23,0,40,9,5,6,2,79,80,44,3,4,15,0,2,4,4,1,3,1,1,3,15,36,0,5,7,4,1,9,18,26,0,0,20,5,53,16,50,55,9,45,1,6,2,1,44,16,1,8,24,254,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980466423066313,0.0,0.05602722141148482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088612497884372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29913862470388536,0.0,0.07467149102278997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214316044448691,0.05847495081509866,0.0,0.0,0.04723274781142662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787524040720908,0.0,0.0,0.07494837239536781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567490701924676,0.08168024257462388,0.04837331207915492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582200537425141,0.0,0.06904270199989647,0.16482725793120806,0.07406313185658712,0.052321570433423364,0.0,0.0,0.06693862558232032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263354099754056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486931373889455,0.0,0.05857548689542864,0.0,0.0,0.14503517980116165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692344983357936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346414684488739,0.0,0.07212513030217188,0.0,0.15680657229485231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535574127292164,0.06509770832171839,0.1620550095434852,0.0,0.04024994224609889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957380104586532,0.0,0.10346098038508553,0.1431224484874602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452943926190516,0.0,0.0693000016516771,0.04888724073324517,0.2970092126986219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784089241600622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073416101286185,0.07788993304601936,0.0,0.0,0.07027427758953406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015486531165907,0.0639489983031917,0.0,0.16078767189174875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368903409536912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075529849643914,0.07530133469329697,0.0723141436627484,0.07863069727494611,0.0,0.0,0.0696665468662114,0.0,0.2932978999143037,0.0,0.11672314075499808,0.06667354330882902,0.0,0.08273861326272394,0.0,0.0605836109092108,0.0823230975729301,0.07329135190586522,0.07465738679855874,0.18616412838413535,0.11276508917843875,0.0,0.0,0.05183855892019644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011098811970536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886629989708812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048656378485325766,0.0,0.07195641506459118,0.058143156397613915,0.1281178049227473,0.08417683591818585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497241068181184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325451452001603,0.0,0.0,0.08639588246198879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789278613318403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047163167000851526
suicidewatch,DaNorris1221,2019/01/06,“Don’t talk to me while you’re like this.” I get that it’s a motivational thing to say but people don’t get how much of a death sentence that is. If they want me to not be a burden I won’t be. ,-0.6284782608695636,0.4163476739130481,2.4906521739130447,97.68858695652176,83.13043478260869,5.469565217391305,15.847826086956525,5.985473137389443,-0.9532869565217394,147,2,42,1,4,53,34,46,0.121,0.703,0.17600000000000002,-0.1508,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,2,0,6,9,4,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970581841546097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23239876096605036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349687869158292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32978448051263803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782888469733694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823426807832411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160281896400236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28057507747981114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diamond_3666,2019/01/06,"what’s the point? I don’t want to be here anymore. I used to be so motivated and smart but now I have no motivation. I don’t care about anything anymore. I’m pathetic and I look so disgusting. I just wish I had the motivation others have to lose weight and care about things. I mean if I don’t kill myself soon I’m just gonna die from my unhealthy life..
Sorry, I just can’t anymore. 
There is no point):",-0.6496899224806221,1.5390315116279076,1.886395348837212,94.30269379844962,94.34883720930232,5.192248062015505,18.794573643410853,6.816661863887847,0.1807085271317828,314,10,73,5,12,107,52,86,0.337,0.449,0.214,-0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,4,11,6,2,0,2,0,10,2,0,4,0,15,20,7,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,12,3,6,16,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,49,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5544091928239234,0.0,0.0,0.15334514186014414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799800248908236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339553528886555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616190234242965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162019856398513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648193356803938,0.20847114515923984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029831220380775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523104106541557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859672582462988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379859873367652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094128878742325,0.0,0.0,0.10991045283383903,0.0,0.0,0.2269166536036922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428627423998414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jhoffm17,2019/01/06,"Should I just give up? I just can't keep doing this shit. I don't know what to say honestly.  I accept that at 28 if I been on one date and had to hire a prostitute to lose my virginity which I don't regret I am going to die alone.   I been job hopping the corporate world the past few years my old therapist basically told me not to move or make major life changes but I was too stupid to listen I thought changing jobs again and moving to my ""home town"" would make things better I have never been so isolated in my entire life.  They did lie to me about my current position had I known the truth I would have refused the position but honestly its only a portion of the problem but I didn't have suicidal thoughts until I started working this new job but I did have depression and was in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist.  Now I am not seeing anyone partially due to the new company's sucky insurance.

​

I honestly can't say no one cares about me but I can say I can't keep doing this shit.  I just don't know what I can do I just want to be happy finally. ",2.719086757990865,4.320217917808222,4.5650456621004585,84.00364155251144,75.3013698630137,8.336986301369862,26.321917808219176,8.998388855275968,2.075887671232877,840,31,174,19,18,286,121,219,0.16,0.68,0.16,-0.2855,4,3,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,10,15,3,0,9,0,31,5,2,2,2,36,48,13,2,7,13,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,9,4,0,3,6,0,0,3,11,7,0,2,13,6,32,8,19,31,3,24,0,3,2,1,8,7,2,2,14,126,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197338597001913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526000328313786,0.14047500975489882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083501662042004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224488830198633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786891622877213,0.0,0.244593494572924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957203404083267,0.0,0.11998168669277508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266416832915773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090065094430993,0.06570205254614052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306567061512777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596312396702305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441659619380049,0.20551340876575888,0.0,0.0,0.12706903279513715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331311271438753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293345246342924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433697663500576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457436299097029,0.0,0.0,0.08916315073205824,0.22330768502782147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130997058411233,0.0,0.15667642401177342,0.08792423965215405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035984559890633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062016855157078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27580568691079393,0.0,0.0,0.1842474271125917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23733759652021494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182714279697538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264551600396435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220653946202934,0.1342284949752704,0.07680407235918094,0.0,0.0,0.18355789436734585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104673255092868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818793151803408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416318356490074,0.0,0.0,0.16424761745868094,0.0,0.14047500975489882,0.0744470386778578
suicidewatch,tuffffy,2019/01/06,Lost Hope I'm 27 now and have been having suicidal thoughts since I was 11 years old. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I will never be able to have a healthy relationship. I've turned into a pathetic alcoholic I have no one left in my life except my family at this point and I just feel like I am a huge burden to them. I don't know why I am alive and I don't want to do this anymore.,0.7038372093023249,2.3682211860465117,3.4211046511627927,89.68188953488372,81.32558139534882,7.555813953488372,20.05232558139535,8.472884824447931,0.9282139534883722,306,8,73,7,8,108,58,86,0.192,0.66,0.14800000000000002,-0.5889,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,0,1,13,21,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,1,12,2,9,15,0,13,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,5,49,14,0,0.21658880650165116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23146756528812265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147978969012079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083613017192205,0.0,0.10951380833271684,0.1547310866412694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151215551727708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903154376667525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353243719943388,0.0,0.15298307932409574,0.10581435053350928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643226760708244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704663985045795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227273518264624,0.0,0.1467661806478886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474642983313845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325353220846941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916449890513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369130005270141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194731915785572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558642643234734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774968969715084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543770963392867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947609024410426
suicidewatch,tired_blue_grey,2019/01/06,"there’s no proof of the notion that i’ll ever have a future. what’s the point in putting false hope into more fairytales? i’m 18 in a few weeks. i’ll be honest in saying i never thought i’d get this far, but i know i’m not going to get much further. 
i keep seeing all these posts about how trans youth need to understand that they have a future. ...but that chance at a future isn’t guaranteed and it’s definitely not gonna be a good one for so many of us.
i mean...a good chunk of us maybe...but i know i’m not one of them.

today i was told the reason why it was so hard for me to date is “because people are genetically programmed to find a mental disorder [(being trans)] unattractive”.

i’ve been called or referred to as a “freak” or an “it” enough times to believe it.

i’ve overheard enough conversations in classes about how people “don’t get it” or think it’s “weird” or wonder how people can be comfortable in their sexuality if they date some who is trans.

tell me what kind of future i have. 
one where i’m alone. 
one where i have to struggle to support myself because my parents will disown me.
one where more people will distance themself from me because they don’t want a freak in their life.
one where every cent i put toward hormones or transitioning is going to be judged because i could have used it for something more “useful”. 
one where no matter how long i wait, i will have not waited long enough because it’s an inconvenience for me to be myself. 
one where i have to look in the mirror every single unhappy day feeling as though all the bad things in my life are my fault because if i look at it how everyone else does... that’s exactly what all of it will be because of.
one where i will always be not man enough. 
one where i will have to prove to everyone around me that i am who i say i am... or at least feel as though i have to.
one where i have to always be worried that someone is going to hate me...not because of an action, but because of my simple existence. 
one where a part of me will always feel so fucking vulnerable. 

and here i am, saying all of this.
and yet the only thing on my mind is that i am going to lose everything in my life.
because being trans in my situation happens to be that i either sacrifice being myself or sacrifice the life i’ve always known, and a family i never realized would be so hard to step away from.
people talk about losing their parents all the time. about how hard it is when they die. about how hard it is not having them in their life. 
and all i can think about is how painful it’s going to be knowing that they didn’t die, but that they actively made the choice to leave me...that i didn’t lose them, that they weren’t taken from me...but that they ripped their hands away from mine.
i can’t bear the idea of their disgust or resentment or anger.

and with all that said, i’m thinking about how everyone says that i’m allowed to build a new family. 
that at least i have my two sisters if not my parents. that i can add friends and supporters to my little world and make it a home...
and i cannot imagine ever being able to do that. 
and i cannot imagine ever being happy.
and i cannot imagine ever having people that love me.
maybe i’ll have a few extra friends or a tight knit group...but i’ll always be a nuisance like i’ve always been.
i’ll be another burden to carry.
and that’s all i will ever be. 
and maybe not all of that is because i’m trans, but i know it makes it that much worse. 

i don’t know what this is. my version of yet another suicide note or just another confession of how much of a piece of shit i am...
but either way i shouldn’t be alive...
either way i guess this whole thing is just a drawn out version of the word goodbye. 
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suicidewatch,GodForgotMe,2019/01/06,"Not Today Not today folks. 

Today isn’t the day to tell me That I don’t look sick.  

Not today Folks.

Today isn’t the day to tell me that I am intelligent.

Not today Folks. 

Today isn’t the day to tell me that God Has a plan.

Not today folks.

Today isn’t the day to tell me that there are people in worse situations than mine.

Not toF*ckingDay Folks.

Today is definitely not the day to tell me that I will get through this.

Not today Folks.

Today I’d rather not look in the mirror. 

Definitely today Folks.

Today I’d rather love on my children, instead of hating my beautiful, smart and kind children. 

Definitely today folks.

Today I’d rather unsee myself dying an intentional death.

Definitely today folks. 

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suicidewatch,IMGONNADIE0,2019/01/06,"BEEN CHEATED ON TWICE I just found out I got cheated on by a guy that used to be my best friend. This is the second relationship I've been cheated on, Im not worth it. I just wanna end it. ",-1.6692857142857136,0.27192730952381083,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,97.33333333333331,3.752380952380953,16.523809523809526,5.46131890053228,-0.8115047619047617,145,4,36,1,6,50,31,42,0.247,0.604,0.149,-0.5992,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,4,0,4,2,7,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627311715998476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061372471547757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378979884120276,0.2670430477667985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764424099027045,0.0,0.0,0.3422410700271464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733539251225295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710914001589377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985247132875904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cynthiaca3574,2019/01/06,"No future I have no future. There is no hope for future. I live everyday in search of happiness but 1 out of a hundred times could I find a drop. I have cried so much tears that sometimes, I wonder if it really help. Is there an easier way. Life is hard and I have no future. Maybe it's just easier to end it all for the better of",-0.1426408450704244,1.9003778873239447,2.6627992957746507,91.77898767605636,87.02816901408451,6.366901408450705,14.508802816901408,7.6454224807358475,0.031012676056338506,254,4,58,5,8,89,48,71,0.213,0.556,0.231,0.6675,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,1,10,9,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,8,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,7,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365354420557216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135349419450499,0.0,0.2937783492298949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23687896437248115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444420273699735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28470267105047603,0.23958028837974985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926431726064684,0.0,0.0,0.2656355586314573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890596855707595,0.0,0.0,0.236160904779822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26868680460240124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660457086345015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133361706698852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26451226201206524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559506971501498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122872531666511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900352362311767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,californiacandy,2019/01/06,"Nothing will ever get better. I hope this will finally be the year that I fucking shoot myself or slit my throat. 

I will still be working at the same shitty job dealing with stupid people for little to no money. I will still be too broke to afford plastic surgery or a personal trainer. I will still be too broke to afford therapy so I'll continue being depressed and anxious literally 24/7. I'll still be surrounded by friends I don't even like who don't even like me. I will still not have anyone in my life that I have anything in common with. The man I love will still not commit to me. I will still be a fucking failure of a human being with no drivers license or college degree. I will still live with a family that doesn't love me that I don't love. Everything will still be fucking garbage. 

I really pray and hope that I work up the courage  to run into a tunnel and lay down on some train tracks or jump off a bridge. Pray for me!",3.297122807017544,4.8257235894736885,4.379473684210527,86.22464912280705,73.63157894736842,6.9614035087719275,26.35087719298245,7.554174236665415,1.3871298245614034,742,26,148,9,15,242,101,190,0.165,0.677,0.157,0.4426,3,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,15,17,4,0,10,0,25,8,1,0,2,20,34,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,1,10,1,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,7,0,0,0,0,21,10,21,15,2,26,2,3,0,6,9,10,3,7,16,112,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738220342821805,0.0,0.07265225269976702,0.0,0.08550432712265706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189484672288503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071206975164097,0.08949256004899414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725552641163766,0.09398732361667794,0.0,0.0,0.09338242109956378,0.0,0.09795165971239374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382200389749515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027614945751,0.28817335582112863,0.05428567108089061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640068763001884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310891443985866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339062964399724,0.10152471561345704,0.10413933391971657,0.09174933768093482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813328696647095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969890988615507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203410951633324,0.09072516485163154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656370961582726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7468024623438766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882354102381287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128703218029407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691091674009418
suicidewatch,DatFire174,2019/01/06,I dont know I just wish people would forget about me. I just dont want to exist anymore. I feel like I fucked everything up in life and there's no going back. I just want to disappear from the face of the planet.,-0.5997101449275384,1.5585783043478258,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,92.04347826086956,4.8057971014492775,14.18840579710145,6.42735559955562,-0.6072637681159412,166,3,38,2,6,56,34,46,0.324,0.622,0.054000000000000006,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,11,10,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599103382144288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015213277976784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6143054739487994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553824988662905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325141976413201,0.18722813231134694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422863143292485,0.0,0.0,0.14894461437010026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403087388146665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511300372041456,0.12803776960513558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816914563558918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091600572909342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30137605256184424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861722510602755,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fleedledees,2019/01/06,"Cyclical burden My depression tells me I’m nothing more than a nuisance and a burden, but when I reach out to loved ones for help, they become stressed for my wellbeing, thus proving that I’m a burden of sorts. I just want to slit my wrists and end this cycle.",5.89551282051282,5.785493423076925,5.920000000000003,83.49166666666667,66.69230769230771,8.471794871794872,30.794871794871803,7.793537801064563,1.9350564102564096,206,7,41,2,3,65,39,52,0.217,0.593,0.189,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,9,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,7,1,7,4,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39509741994899983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081222605674173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31685281739172866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978661056844486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228757032076254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432626519278416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424149230713209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097917205587097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126818703721537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110052265693095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shauneko,2019/01/06,"Good for Depression, Bad for Health Not so much a suicide watch as it is trying to put something down to keep those thoughts at bay. Which is probably what most people do. Or ask for advice, or read if people are feeling the same.

I think it just hasnt been going right. Like, the decisions ive had are big ones, but i keep making them wrongly. Im 22, transmale, in a loving and funny relationship of 5 years, and recently moved out.
Thats when it really started to fuck up. I moved out with a roomate. A TERRIBLE ONE. Hes loud, messy, disprganized, and i end up paying for his mistakes and food and rent most of the time. Hes out as soon as lease is up in a couple months.
Problem almost solved, yeah?

Then theres the problem of im 22 and i still dont have a car or liscence. I got by very efficiently and conservationally on an electric bike until the charger was shot and the battery fucked over.
So i bought a motorcycle. I figured i would practice on it until i could take a course and get a liscence. Except i wound up terrified to ride it, too small, threw out my back trying to lift it, and 1000dollars+ in the fuckin hole from it. A huge investment. And this goddamn morning, it was stolen. STOLEN. Gone. Like i wasnt ever meant to have it or the money.i wasnt meant to feel the thrill that was starting to bud, it was snipped up the second i got it. Ill likely never get it back. Its done for. My money, my ride, my chance, gone, forever, lost, taken. Im so, so stupid. I wasnt worthy of it. I wasnt good enough. I wanted to be, shouldnt that have counted for something in this world? It doesnt, its cruel, and unloving, and doesnt give a fuck about what you expect. 

Money. Thats all this fucking world has to survive on anymore! I make a living for myself, but again the dumbass costly mistake spent all of my savings withered down to nothing on moving, paying for a TWO BED apartment for a shitty excuse of a ""friend"" who will never become a better person no matter how much i try ot want him to be, and on a hapless dream of reliant transportation because my dumb fuck self could never learn  like everyone else. How does everyone find it so easy? How do other people just KNOW what to do???? I feel like im stuck seeing from only my own eyes, only my own knowledge, missing out on what other people can enjoy.

Trans. I take injections. Its ""optional"" you can say but i only started feeling confident and happy and rightfully masculate when taking them. Problem is, im prone to fuckery. Ive bitched up my last few injections and now everytime i stare this 1.5"" tiny devil down and try to inject it causes a horrible humiliation and self awareness to settle and nearly pull tears from me. And thats a weekly trratment. The rest of my life, afraid. Not to mention never having money for corrective surgery Like am i not meant to feel that happiness? Only terror? Only feeling like i was wrong from the very start? Like my body will only ever be wrong?
And health for that matter. Ill never be able to afford to fix my dental health. My nutrition. My acne and muscle problems. Anything i might break or tear or pull or wear down. I dont have healthcare anymore. My mom retired and blew all her savings funds on drugs and im off the family health plan. I cant afford anything and im not even worth fixing.

Sure i put a lot of bad out into the world. Whp doesnt? I curse, im negative, im selfish, im depressed, im impatient. There are times i recal being happy though, being nice, kind, funny, extroverted, flamboyant, taking awe in every simplicity of life and i loved it! Where did i go so wrong? I wanted nothing but simple. A place to myself. Solitude. Friendship. My job is fine. My family is less so, but i distanced myself to the few who werent alchoholic pr high 24/7.

I worry ill end up like that though. Pain medications. Taken to ease the troubles. Simple and stupid. Drinking, to feel nothing but lightheaded. I distract myself with tiny things like a good cup of coffee or a nice morning walk or chill music or my absolute saint of a boyfriend. But those feel so inbetween and hard to grasp
I never finished college and i dont mnow what id use a ""graphic media"" degree for anyways. I cant drive. I used to draw but i lost the talent. I used to find passion in media and friends but im down to nothing. I feel it doesnt ever get better. I grew up afraid and told im stupid and ignorant by a stepmother who never cared, told i should become spmething worthwhile by my dad (and now im the only thing he clings to, hes almost suicidal too in a much mucb more depressing way and i dont want to end up like that because i cant fix things for him when im broken too???) And im leavin the sweet little brother out of it because bless it he actually wound up living well and good and im envious and proud and i love him for it. 

But i just ended up so wrong. So so so very wrong. Someone wrote something on here about natural selection, like our brains and bodies just settle down and know when we are meant to let go. Like little signs start to tremble and tell us to stop trying, to stop worrying, to stop....living.....

What kind of nonsense is this? What sort of world does this? Its coincidence? Predestined? Day to day? Month to month? One lifetime of billions. A few decades of trillions. A separate life no one else will read about, no one else will have, no one else can experience but each other. We live to experience. But when it gets so bad, what then? We dont know when to keep going or when it will be better. To wait for it, or make change happen. To go along the collective conscience of higher beings in order, or succumb to individuality and say we are different and special and strive on. Or other options, so many options, decisions, thoughts, ratioed from easy things like an opinion on shows or whether we should buy a car or rent, right down to whether we live or die.

Even if i can, arent i just gonna be spending the entire rest of my life fixing things? There are people younger, older, my age, doing so so well and i dont know how to do that. 

I have a lot of suicidal thoughts from this. How could you not? Im not suprised so many others consider death to be a relief from this. It sounds so easy to just end it here before it gets worse, before you fix and break and fix again. To wait for something to change. To believe youre anything worthwhile, like being lifeless is just a step away. Its way too easy to think like that. It feels like it would be so simple. No matter what came after, its still the mindset of ""well, at least it isnt this"". Reincarnation, a do over, hell,  spirits, heaven, gods, being reabsorbed into the universe and earth, or even just sweet simple nothingness as you fully cease to feel and thimk and BE anything at all, as light suddenly stops and your body purges and your continuous flow of thinking halts into NONE. So singularly easy. No debts. No worries. No hardships.

Its day to day, though, even so. I moved out and got a dumb roommate, so have others. I didnt finish college, neither did a lot of my class. Some did, they graduate or change majors--how, i dont know. Some people dont drive, some do. I could learn these things, with time and money, but those two elements are hard to come by. I want to put more into the world than that. You do, too, anyone does. We just slowly fall apart. Were we meant to survive society? Money, popularity, survival, fortune, whatever it is, how do you know what to do....... theres answers, ive heard, but nothing sounds right yet. It hasnt worked. Hard work, luck, belief, determination, reluctantly muddling through days and nights. Desperate to sleep and awake wondering why you even deserve something that simple. I dont think i deserve anything good anymore. It happens sometimes and its more than i can take and i love it, and i want it, but i havent done any good to warrant getting it back. 

Im glad to put this all somewhere because theres a lot more to write if it werent so late. I feel like theres a bit less crowding my mind, but i feel way shittier piecing together how everything has fallen apart lately. Its heavy to think about. How do you blend back into normalcy? How have you recovered? Its possible to do from what ive heard, but impossible to imagine my own life improving. Im so tired of it. Life lazily pulling my eyes closed, or punching me out, or drifting from my chest in slowing beats. Its become so heartbreakingly familiar to feel that defeat. 

How do you do it? ",1.845680463401095,4.287088041267946,3.2566710724576384,88.16700137460678,81.86483253588517,5.824214227180207,22.81412408469693,7.135005054275178,0.9140191546168288,6623,227,1302,89,181,2160,598,1672,0.209,0.6629999999999999,0.128,-0.9995,10,0,8,0,0,1,282.0,10,14,3,14,96,112,15,5,65,1,123,41,9,17,17,291,232,158,5,25,59,3,17,18,3,12,19,7,3,3,105,91,2,11,46,6,18,35,52,50,3,11,45,32,137,62,196,156,39,193,7,8,5,11,68,80,10,43,90,889,242,13,0.025058945179869882,0.0,0.024453915699253082,0.0,0.0,0.024487311208436183,0.0,0.0,0.050185827681016135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01704094203015685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455522023698412,0.017521797119261617,0.0,0.10310688361263846,0.0,0.023426731034232998,0.0,0.023543703886520446,0.07707512818778314,0.06276951753705577,0.0611028015717143,0.08302690850949716,0.04264663333909203,0.028232850006838638,0.0,0.06648780185404485,0.027357877926518226,0.08350451688007922,0.0,0.027974070311481605,0.0,0.028660757506603674,0.02554926470202606,0.02574243950386464,0.0795271239082425,0.021586062401812458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003011464479473,0.02772724621277119,0.0,0.08080473283102606,0.0,0.06474969829256959,0.0,0.02600722879948722,0.026181264188360528,0.0,0.0,0.06578775538846716,0.05128800239788567,0.2643200740937,0.024548226236205648,0.029060420720093624,0.0,0.08373413281667008,0.0,0.11097393770189336,0.025892589049090423,0.0,0.08275598477381699,0.06800175170063645,0.021113242097483737,0.047889791993738544,0.02252136411755418,0.049024913640995135,0.0472466866531454,0.0,0.17738777867998326,0.07160846177405218,0.0,0.0,0.045806843826663286,0.0,0.03030137598019681,0.0,0.03872095776913258,0.11583295512163327,0.07855358751996823,0.02403882361235729,0.0712078801466917,0.12610952581964152,0.0601257829156489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431908492824318,0.08002713933949111,0.06734367840813993,0.0,0.0,0.10654594766838646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02647615141409324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413592186168399,0.0,0.0248671364323477,0.06682062559454938,0.0,0.05219007046091245,0.08263044553694401,0.02042638489445378,0.05653516330743458,0.0,0.0,0.02562446924189677,0.10619924436956467,0.220365627096087,0.05023129258267761,0.08851003077993315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470959767879823,0.08521687630226231,0.09046670556549297,0.0,0.05018112148038436,0.05081167451083479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0252442509339772,0.0,0.02658358080357205,0.02530239112939341,0.02934873373125077,0.060005432898869365,0.10653477185136133,0.0552636240791738,0.0,0.13528902350378516,0.0,0.0,0.023516122511806858,0.0,0.12022366871787014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018835387068708,0.13340919906025536,0.026664484458383386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423630423362587,0.021880504362488274,0.026181264188360528,0.0,0.0,0.02825019551460262,0.0,0.0,0.02701778123296461,0.09591210501066516,0.0,0.10076464493148146,0.0,0.0,0.05013145297264154,0.0,0.016053401953188287,0.0,0.0247426852314495,0.026903929074743368,0.0,0.08560080905543442,0.0,0.0398557579988896,0.0,0.0,0.019968734915786785,0.0,0.05228388995095217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0250770424503883,0.0,0.02123236293155301,0.09645800134378582,0.024783937538460424,0.0,0.08868425187997456,0.0,0.040024211981206384,0.08380160094263765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223125638618363,0.0,0.023617759271592684,0.0,0.09420604075527804,0.0,0.02190262260492477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988829817131777,0.08028380117701063,0.07386085922402433,0.059682010084433176,0.043836217359243326,0.028801571164507187,0.0,0.047889791993738544,0.0,0.08506689432384518,0.0,0.04895789646717223,0.0,0.030142825624843318,0.06492864865562145,0.0,0.06202876247530902,0.08868249073181593,0.0596718728576783,0.020100774291019526,0.0,0.06759300352510675,0.0,0.022611800355244176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02717535710453461,0.03648642108308387,0.07634572566091043,0.02553720598386713,0.03560231135903668,0.16438813641041874,0.0,0.016137139106045854
suicidewatch,CNshyguy,2019/01/07,"You know I’m just so fucking lost, and I don’t want to deal with this anymore I’m just not happy, I haven’t been. I’m almost 17, and yeah I guess that’s gonna open up a lot of people saying I’ve got my whole life ahead of me but I really can’t seem to find the reasoning that waiting will be worth it. I’m shoving everyone I care about away. I’m starting to become dissociated to almost everyone and everything again. I’m used to that at least. I haven’t self harmed in around half a month. I don’t feel like doing the math. I know that some people will miss me. Truth be told I think that’s all that has kept me going this long. My family life and upbringing has been pretty shit according to everyone else outside of it. It’s been all I’ve known so it’s not like I knew I’ve had it rough. But it pisses me off how everyone says I’m strong and how I’m so resilient. I’m nowhere close to strong. So many of the people I know don’t know how bad it is. I’m a fucking wreck, a mess. I just want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop hating myself and my friends. I want to stop hurting them. I want to stop hurting my sister. I’ve been a burden and a pain for the past few years. And yeah I’ve helped all of them a bit. But I think I’ve given all I can. I can’t help but think this is for the best. I’ve always had the idea that I’d be perfectly fine if I were to go and everyone else would be ok. I used to be the therapist type of all my friends. People would come to me with their problems and I’d give my best to help them all. But I haven’t done anything recently because I’ve just been so screwed. If I’m honest I don’t really have a plan or anything. But with my Mom’s extensive history with medications I could find more than a few ways to get the job done. I guess this is close to a last cry for anything? I don’t really know when it’s gonna happen. Maybe before the 22nd, so It’s not on my birthday. Either way I just want everything to stop. It’s too much work to keep myself going. I just have nothing left to offer anyone let alone myself. I’m just tired. Tired of it all. Say what you want, I know this is all jumbled and not really cohesive. Should I write a note? I don’t know I guess that’s something I’ll figure out when I put more thought into all of this. I just figured I’d put this in to see if it’ll do anything",-0.0531950712801752,1.8191100251450685,2.2491113260262203,95.9900420875421,85.11218568665376,5.609126728275665,18.27813596962533,6.857409640812817,-0.08009489218425392,1821,45,442,23,54,618,204,517,0.16,0.675,0.165,-0.4945,1,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,4,9,23,32,6,0,20,3,45,11,2,6,11,111,107,32,0,15,23,2,3,3,2,8,6,3,0,1,29,22,0,8,22,0,1,6,15,16,0,1,17,7,55,16,49,75,22,38,0,4,1,3,22,14,5,12,19,265,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168373014643986,0.06810000236970741,0.0,0.0,0.05471154197565968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520904377690917,0.04597584039460433,0.0,0.2164355901301282,0.05853387359132345,0.0,0.0,0.06177685797962856,0.0,0.05490078634224035,0.04008225631199837,0.07261872870132699,0.05595073366104393,0.0,0.13800687528705985,0.0,0.071784955648298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670392944367883,0.0,0.0,0.05664015814009842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249820769848669,0.0,0.07222629071713434,0.0,0.0677881814941842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457575135435906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985594399240642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141477752322743,0.11818863500013795,0.0,0.061985825710508924,0.0,0.06649311585232766,0.09394753252244273,0.0,0.0,0.12019361521085725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160079826303084,0.12157468599504022,0.034353089637054274,0.06307601384454102,0.1121063819029212,0.0,0.05258846795442165,0.0,0.2173021483747048,0.0,0.05814492546703135,0.06999500794098633,0.0,0.06491721193031495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221801464556535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077932321573405,0.07422683316239613,0.0,0.0,0.06524944261725635,0.05844405107710925,0.0,0.0,0.2529518809171074,0.05359725405756434,0.0,0.0,0.07144053781034115,0.06723662533261544,0.0928862010353811,0.09637039350536608,0.0,0.0,0.0581891004146545,0.0,0.0,0.07177687636185348,0.055900623051567684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666295191047078,0.06605745900588689,0.0,0.0,0.06623896190111729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770088072945675,0.052483204909288345,0.0,0.04833582504879838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309152157172691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996554481933777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276842461793668,0.1823386666770764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689416894650108,0.0,0.0629164862751632,0.0,0.1321993172634108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849154021509796,0.06760476158761,0.06492289229194052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686763943995566,0.0,0.0,0.052396415911078915,0.059858819474494826,0.06859444163268945,0.0,0.06749423649215859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050619666971138975,0.0,0.0,0.046540123506696805,0.0,0.0,0.2748611489111765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634399199012515,0.0,0.1263950907796586,0.0,0.05220032609278185,0.0,0.15114619008087488,0.0,0.06282955504645485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357850138734282,0.0,0.0,0.27147866248642305,0.10438291931961187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341057927298839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786877341600225,0.0,0.0,0.09341771129872878,0.0,0.0,0.042342604866113034
suicidewatch,UltraInstinctKai,2019/01/07,Santa don’t exist. I’ve been a really good dude for Christmas and all I ask Santa was to fade out of existence. Shit didn’t happen.,0.730952380952381,2.8685768571428567,3.6428571428571423,85.56880952380955,84.0,6.590476190476192,16.476190476190478,7.793537801064563,0.5416047619047624,104,2,21,2,3,37,25,28,0.13,0.7559999999999999,0.115,-0.1045,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780975122680114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289448271689064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45223646908365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276211062500485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249530367360714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lexicon_of_Owls,2019/01/07,"Suicidal After Intimate Times (You Know What I Mean...) Long story short, I have noticed over years, a habit. Either after orgasm in sexual activities with a partner, or with myself alone or not alone, I become severely depressed. 

I already have had depression since 7yo (22yo now) and have attempted suicide MANY times (it's more than you could imagine, trust me. I won't go into details). And I've begun to notice the depression really drops down into the depths of all hells after masturbation or sex or whatever. Any orgasm means havoc for me no matter how it's achieved.

I finally noticed this, as I am currently suicidal, still, after the fact that happened about 2 days ago that I done stuff with myself alone. I had to leave work today because I just couldn't keep my emotions straight.

Every time it happens, I become severely depressed and actively suicidal for days (yes, days, not hours) afterwards. You can imagine how low my libido is. Once I gone 9 months without even playing around with myself, let alone anyone else. I was still depressed but not this bad. After the 9 months and I did that for once with myself, instantly I went about trying to hang myself afterwards.. and cried for no reason for 7days.

The hell is going on here?",5.313333333333329,7.342712438596497,5.704385964912285,76.725701754386,69.35087719298245,8.575438596491226,28.89473684210526,9.150863307647796,2.7215947368421047,988,37,162,20,18,316,140,228,0.205,0.735,0.06,-0.9826,1,4,0,1,0,2,40.0,0,3,0,3,11,11,2,0,7,1,16,3,2,3,2,38,26,13,4,2,11,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,13,0,1,6,1,0,5,8,9,0,0,7,0,27,2,31,15,3,43,2,6,0,3,4,11,2,4,26,117,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811660488762841,0.0,0.0,0.3650795300068995,0.09724702034448186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059927338821013074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061618346618445535,0.0902934473722695,0.0,0.07844903934140438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735798552767379,0.05371956970191556,0.19465205889458265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035983966901314,0.0,0.09680007104112227,0.170498060288106,0.0,0.37950534085013005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018144336480488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361629039210621,0.09912763373962942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820506789156048,0.0,0.07424826694128123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653552957187804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016579488915983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558555163225115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678438431207995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783286562278498,0.0,0.0,0.048430643269413716,0.0,0.0,0.09331058710358864,0.0,0.09011275595270844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779869628916344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934389979982235,0.0,0.19198573100541347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067946486637628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30098925877775795,0.0,0.18769835824158396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645448804274659,0.09060614437515764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991100627689145,0.0,0.07289707970205422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075187323548033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088089133337737,0.38557339176920014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415743130104234,0.0,0.08353124363840712,0.0,0.0,0.059830408313987574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169182667837302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849483869221663,0.0,0.06415531825478536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674896382479677
suicidewatch,surferonce,2019/01/07,Greatttt I've been thinking about suicide for a long time. The past 4-5 months my thoughts are stronger than ever. My boyfriend accuses me of chatting with someone or something because I always seem busy so I told him that I wanted to die. I always tell him that btw. He's not taking it seriously. But yesterday he took it way seriously. He got mad at me. He sulks. I just don't know what to do. I really don't want to be tied to anyone honestly but he's really persistent so he became my boyfriend. I do love him but I hope he's making it harder for me. He sulks and act like I did him wrong. I don't know what to do. I have a lot of issues already and he just adds up to that. I have to baby him again today and assure him everything is okay so that he will stop acting like that. I'm just tired of everything.,-0.0008665559246949782,2.2260146220930253,2.354285714285716,92.77166666666668,88.82558139534883,5.601771871539314,19.81838316722037,7.07126945348624,0.4469476190476187,633,20,141,10,21,215,98,172,0.117,0.728,0.155,0.7825,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,0,3,1,14,2,0,1,2,26,29,10,2,3,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,5,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,6,0,24,7,17,21,1,15,0,0,0,1,20,2,0,4,11,85,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616485830961044,0.0,0.2807441502432017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117959097634669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283807202096787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508416632638008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259898311393305,0.0,0.0,0.3032337117849765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492495564303586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675573568559856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607917212560814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542642869993697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648367861471443,0.0,0.0,0.1492943623906292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342287157305691,0.15225851095427673,0.0,0.11260868901045865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346548848034029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104342333567198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161473272947613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357832004994992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293912633565134,0.12987365075296736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104091549872275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453063032779626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684155036827338,0.0,0.14745140471176196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809627205545948,0.0,0.13392910949078926,0.09837043936795033,0.19389605540468333,0.15990805765857075,0.16120026419217692,0.18743212204846948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990074897667562,0.13390636109893606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444717838047714,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeronimoYOLO,2019/01/07,"Why can I help others and not myself? No matter what I do I can’t feel happy and when I do it’s for a moment.
I have a family,a boyfriend and job but yet I’m so depressed all I think about is the day I die. 
I help anyone I can with their issues and yet I can’t take my own advice. I feel like I’m alone and yet theirs so many people.
Everything Iv ever done wrong keeps coming back and I realize I’m stupid and shouldn’t even be alive cause all I do is harm people I love. All I wanna do is cry anymore and I feel selfish and stupid for it. Hell writing this makes me feel like crap cause I know so many people have more problems then me. 
Since I can remember all Iv ever wanted to do was stop people from harming themselves or worse. I help whenever I can and have even gotten my best friend to stop harming for a month...that was amazing for him. But yet I can’t take my own advice. Why is that?
Sorry for the rant...",0.3968592964824112,2.2630568643216087,2.4030628140703527,95.55585050251257,83.37185929648241,4.985025125628142,16.985175879396984,5.985473137389443,-0.5240233165829147,712,14,165,5,20,238,103,199,0.3,0.527,0.172,-0.9887,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,14,18,4,0,5,0,24,4,1,3,6,42,41,18,1,4,4,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,3,8,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,4,4,30,7,11,35,8,14,1,1,0,1,9,0,2,1,15,113,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361314719019845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513502245252445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982283220537633,0.08448146284663942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290456244408578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679510159114826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823469096522094,0.0,0.10407734528550508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271715412702406,0.07792011273766679,0.0,0.10406370216864576,0.0,0.12539402885521592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364272453229737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596034152300674,0.21858060261365894,0.0,0.0,0.10858690880864226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436467710963106,0.17263034041808728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334667936439156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861713047687198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295306395849264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261066448987874,0.1198970658267858,0.1073920321477659,0.0,0.0,0.06640054163314776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805492839372632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904645757893487,0.0,0.08064953842144174,0.2449888309483816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643886631677448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350506953689752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561021510593407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368676292869122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994510188032316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525019498556715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202499173848126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168602404937345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741777764184532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126387107929136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804589547578207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312781068338065,0.0,0.13209975118475295,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkandpearlslove,2019/01/07,"My Cat Keeps Me Here I feel so alone. I don’t think I can talk to anyone. I don’t see a future. I can get things squared away legally, but... I don’t want to leave my cat. I’m afraid to keep living, but mostly.... I’m afraid of her living without me. She is my life, my child. I don’t want to let her go and even though she’d have a great life without me... she worships me.

So basically, my ties with the universe are flimsy.

My ties with my cat feel so permanent. So important. So... everything.",-1.2431428571428569,0.8039138285714279,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,96.42857142857142,4.323809523809524,16.523809523809526,6.079149491110277,-0.5350761904761905,372,10,90,4,15,125,58,105,0.055,0.8190000000000001,0.126,0.7919,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,0,11,2,0,0,0,15,23,9,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,4,23,2,10,21,1,3,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,59,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643629104864716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936977442938472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872685020584726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164954316163785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913672984234605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156522377638647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041369187072125,0.0,0.1132786337621663,0.0,0.0,0.21975194342068025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354331063682398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110520030183289,0.0,0.20381907596624185,0.2815724253171633,0.0,0.0,0.35200792876938114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883291319438944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020655100867362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241991759859634,0.12771675398607815,0.1958317254626183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23512920592569206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38427637783900936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DylanSogumiKim,2019/01/07,Can someone please talk to me? Im alone crying in bed. I just want to die.,-3.0813725490196084,-1.6531677647058842,-0.19176470588235264,106.53039215686277,109.0,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.049886274509804,56,1,15,0,3,19,15,17,0.398,0.442,0.159,-0.7506,0,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797069459979182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402713998746645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804928693008624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960116704515162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024378105629853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31063527591310164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946746422509019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162415151024029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AngelicaAnemone,2019/01/07,"I feel suicidal during my period I feel ugly because I have acne. I feel fat because I'm bloated. I'm much more emotional, sensitive and touchy during my period. How can I get through this week without committing suicide",3.1182926829268283,6.11814912195122,5.451902439024392,70.58029268292684,82.17073170731706,9.133658536585367,32.590243902439035,9.3871,4.4175034146341465,178,10,26,6,5,62,28,41,0.207,0.667,0.126,-0.5483,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,7,8,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34869900152148964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32172360184564314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338468921000858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942881411635073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025081274164786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6256986861083327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294205746641901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757041601876821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Happycass,2019/01/07,"The suicide messaging hotline I've tried to speak to someone through the online chat counselling and i have waited upwards of two hours on multiple occasions and have never once spoken to anyone. 

Guess I'll just eat worms, then. 

",5.177195121951217,8.130489097560979,4.812378048780489,78.81661585365855,72.65853658536584,7.0268292682926825,32.201219512195124,8.07648339933343,2.868556097560976,187,9,28,3,4,57,34,41,0.108,0.892,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,17,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360043537604965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34537091272138803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37182030575025216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33239276384517324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603190133130178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594516257715573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28598265682239865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691960436524141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291563734548885,0.0,0.3297115198448087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Panda_Penguin,2019/01/07,"It feels so good It's like getting your first buzz off a juul. That first hit of nicotine. It feels so good. The moment the blade touches your skin your heart quickens. The first pass is just a warm up. The next one gets slightly deeper than the last. Soon you've got 10 marks on your thigh and you're covered in blood and start freaking out because you can't get blood on one of your mom's towels or she will find out. 

Time to go. I'm addicted and everyone's asleep. My new pack of razors call to me. ",1.01644155844156,3.163017085714287,1.8432034632034653,98.84922077922079,82.90476190476191,4.58008658008658,19.069264069264072,5.565023196281405,-0.4780476190476186,394,10,90,2,11,122,76,105,0.026,0.8590000000000001,0.115,0.8536,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,3,4,5,0,0,7,0,3,7,6,0,0,10,13,6,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,1,5,9,4,13,10,0,19,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,11,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161182864830666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832948673925067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982110822166487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548329572147867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629873650960608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741577079055715,0.4953372711115659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30424810168009003,0.0,0.11031889462101084,0.32562555953411193,0.1552499034239123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300248466760411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582280077722653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483380968364656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22734280651861136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874755507474114,0.20644138399869136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630719930402991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739418471011228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318885478863132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PapaSchenck,2019/01/07,"What are some slower and less painful ways to die? Not sure why I'm looking to this subreddit for answers, but I have considered many methods and I'm not sure which methods would work best for me. I'm looking for a slower and less painful way to die. (Prioritizing slow death, then pain rating). ",3.605789473684212,5.742156245614037,3.968280701754389,86.91663157894739,74.26315789473685,6.665263157894738,28.94385964912281,7.554174236665415,1.6859922807017549,234,10,46,3,5,73,38,57,0.354,0.569,0.077,-0.9635,2,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,11,8,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,3,6,7,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059196476928745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39675088868197184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210226446699533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937882076270106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6101663879689571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602985559101949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034395906888305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247612105868307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391538108610747,0.0,0.0,0.13578194720143125,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tway10687,2019/01/07,"There would be no consequences to my death A few people might be sad, but they'd easily get over it and life would move on.  I don't really have any friends, just a few acquaintances who I never talk to.  I don't believe in god and I feel that telling my family that would be worse for them than my own death.

I feel no connection with anyone, like i'm a hollow shell who only exists.  People tell me I'm funny but they don't give a shit about me, I'm just something they laugh at then forget a few minutes later.

I'm 31 and have done nothing of value.  I'm fat but not totally 
 unattractive, no woman has ever shown any sign of interest in me whatsoever.

The worst thing, is that I'm not even contemplating doing anything, I'm so shit at everything I do that I'd probably fuck my own death up too.",1.8367670682730903,3.6636398253012072,3.7958795180722937,87.55895983935746,78.4578313253012,7.318232931726907,21.30763052208836,8.238735603445708,1.0627563052208835,625,17,134,12,15,212,100,166,0.22,0.605,0.174,-0.8033,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,0,8,9,3,0,6,0,18,5,3,0,3,22,30,8,3,3,7,0,2,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,1,2,17,4,15,21,7,12,0,1,0,1,12,7,3,1,5,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296852913835343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808323359643907,0.0,0.1389719803301217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902673681106544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282054821838608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154214621977987,0.15275957285998767,0.0,0.0,0.15177641208276246,0.0,0.15920289165396506,0.0,0.1707793063564524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047451326508155,0.1561247377160599,0.08823164239207162,0.16200290442132467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192833331659331,0.08250512726107348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915258123878422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949029807048938,0.0,0.0,0.1302489143477018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204273409178035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284391216047807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415710497180306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207875315954414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818739652977716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34670112066302583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001032516696415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135737520304463,0.29521315465852954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219485807906604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210083184209593,0.3598976766053989,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gyropi,2019/01/07,"What is a mental hospital like I have to ask because I might be going to one, I know it differs, but I need a good understanding of what will probably happen while I'm there",2.494166666666665,4.1096889722222265,4.823333333333338,81.855,75.94444444444444,8.133333333333335,25.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.001955555555556,137,5,28,3,3,48,29,36,0.0,0.828,0.172,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,12,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944182603609472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197920225869525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32903618712843796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898271992062603,0.26414943932003043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784927155712667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730780107013023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538595292848533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173766858110146,0.3340923495862642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335175743880368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340560477445653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33954921571423263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278545982576615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pussyprescription,2019/01/07,"how to get help if you can't tell parents I'm a teenager and I'm so fucking sick of being sad. I can't do anything without being interrupted by thoughts about how much I want to kill myself. I don't have friends to distract me anymore, so I just spend every free second thinking about killing myself and the second I have the motivation to do so I probably will. The thought of talking to my parents or even other adults about it makes me feel like throwing up or passing out. I feel optionless.",3.5975,5.3277086868686885,4.612007575757578,84.03801136363639,73.24242424242425,6.566161616161617,32.57702020202019,7.1686216300943375,2.118847474747476,396,20,75,4,8,129,64,99,0.213,0.66,0.127,-0.9088,2,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,1,10,8,3,1,4,0,10,2,0,4,0,18,21,10,2,2,5,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,0,2,2,4,5,0,2,2,2,13,4,14,16,1,4,0,1,0,1,8,2,1,3,1,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098718095552026,0.0,0.0,0.16677433297259414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385696159719584,0.0,0.17075226911741986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494494527215404,0.14478244600558848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657688598822894,0.1873586238842244,0.1058830224053793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358406978335822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484330358359548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901087638744792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352790872519719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898058080645082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500664263105666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185049283642025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289279575894597,0.17713634372899645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985822983557918,0.0,0.3217834759927037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953585379833592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535984370242251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thingthatcantbefixed,2019/01/07,"I feel less and less human every day. I am wondering how to write a letter to EMS to apologize for having to find me dead. I am wondering how to apologize to everyone in my life for getting close and then just leaving, how to apologize for lying about never killing myself. I am wondering if there really is a heaven or hell, and where I’d end up. I’m wondering if my friends and family would be ok, or if I’d be screwing up their lives forever. I worry about my dog, who is the least friendly dog ever, but who I love and to whose idiosyncrasies I have adapted. I wonder if there is one god damn person who can put my mind at ease when I get like this, who can really make me believe it’s only temporary. I wonder if I can find the smallest amount of hope to try to get help. I wonder how I got so disconnected that even the faintest amount of closeness with another person leaves my eyes filled with tears. I wonder why I speak at all. ",5.376687291765826,5.121868277486912,6.626844359828652,78.47792479771537,67.79581151832461,10.296239885768685,29.92908138981437,10.018931242160765,2.7108178010471202,735,24,150,16,11,250,111,191,0.093,0.738,0.16899999999999998,0.9369,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,14,11,4,0,5,1,14,4,1,5,3,41,31,20,2,7,9,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,3,8,9,0,0,11,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,3,24,7,24,27,6,16,2,0,1,2,19,8,3,16,7,107,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874314942346528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609486419963436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060730440988556775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340472072305267,0.0,0.0,0.06219694408576116,0.08518016672385452,0.07934043331098206,0.0899813688113975,0.0,0.0,0.08877302155350887,0.0,0.04761406933809628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213532725270492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550761808321952,0.0,0.14759636732222228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531459241967328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311869167589926,0.0,0.0,0.09352987353883677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418271908796002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942020785901207,0.0,0.0,0.06651350233719218,0.046005630705137086,0.0,0.08315189303973812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499011647101172,0.0,0.06285773803160916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508263424162956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262801297505005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381053867312596,0.07161885561298452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444738227953626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946646487827158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206526085572733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393375517517291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497179305021574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8169677013503917,0.0,0.0956319723803401,0.0,0.06689410364017745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoveLactasePills,2019/01/07,"Just a rant for help? I just discovered this subreddit and this seems like a great place to find help. I have been talking to my friends, basically ranting to them, and talking about my feelings and how sad I feel and everything wrong. Some background is that I have attempted around 3 times all same method (overdose on painkillers) and am 16 going onto 17 in little time, although tbh I dont really want to. I have not been content with myself since 2 years ago when my longest relationship of literally 3 months ended, but thats not the whole cause of my sadness (dont want to say depression because I never got diagnosed) and I have been in one more relationship after that, which ended in a month and now she doesnt even talk to me anymore and absolutely hates me. And I have been looking for someone but it hasnt really been working, and then I always just think that I dont want to have a significant other when im like this because I dont want to drag them down to me, so to say, and put my happiness on one other person, like depend on them for it. But theres just so much more that causes this, such as; my parents always compare me to my siblings who are better than me in academics which is all they care about, my whole family basically disregarding my want to be a teacher, not one of my crushes ever liking me back and being unsuccessful with relationships and love, my friends all being in one and being surrounded by them at school, my friends all having someone more important to them than I am to them, general loneliness, overpowering schoolwork, etc. But the friends having someone more important, its like im no ones best friend. I have my own best friends, but they would rather talk to someone else or spend time with someone else and I know they would because no one wants to spend time with me. I have trouble generally holding a conversation or expressing myself except for in poetry but lately all of that has become depressing to read. It honestly just feels like there is nothing to keep going on for. What can I even accomplish, who will love me, what is there to do? My friends that ask me how im doing, I always just say ""I dont want to talk"" because I already know that I am probably just complain too much and put too much of a burden on them, more than I already am. People have texted me that they love me along with the rest of my friends and I bring constant laughter and happiness but I have been leaving them and hanging alone during lunch, and I dont feel like I do bring those. I just dont want to a burden on others anymore. And some of my friends arent even that helpful, like one I have, whenever I talk about my problems, just says something like ""You dont have it like I do, you see IM DEPRESSED"" when she hasnt been diagnosed or anything and just mentions her problems and then when I try to help her, she yells back at me that I cant fix everything to just stop because I dont have to tell everyone what to do, even when she does the same.  I want help and have been considering therapy but I dont feel like I have it that bad compared to others. Like why should I be feeling like this, when there are people who can barely afford to eat or people who cant walk or anything, or even someo f my other friends have had constant panic attacks, meanwhile im semi privileged and able to do a lot. So what point do I have when my problems arent that bad compared to others. But its just been getting hard to keep going and to even smile.  Any help is appreciated or just encouraging messages.",7.727575322812051,6.359677460545196,7.726377331420371,76.18101506456243,63.49067431850789,10.725107604017218,35.994978479196554,9.627879704456738,3.2034751793400282,2798,108,550,44,34,905,257,697,0.135,0.644,0.221,0.9978,5,1,2,0,0,0,63.0,0,2,12,6,47,54,2,1,13,0,76,7,0,5,7,117,112,58,0,16,34,1,7,13,10,4,2,5,0,1,42,33,2,5,11,1,2,9,23,18,0,7,11,14,91,36,76,92,25,59,0,5,2,3,66,21,0,12,42,424,133,5,0.04100178091579068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634560487595138,0.0,0.0,0.04246547953862198,0.09049296962889164,0.0,0.10235029891837356,0.0,0.0,0.0278826170337154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132549832254403,0.0,0.0,0.06748194423109842,0.036500277897410456,0.038331130322691545,0.04664544500099215,0.0,0.0630556772706978,0.06846954883830443,0.12497152540747272,0.0452832456751674,0.0,0.0,0.08605767892452681,0.03626274324563307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180404826910022,0.08424024692175283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861671804088385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059443214668172,0.08323188909763926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035880934785534134,0.0,0.4805378186797656,0.0,0.0,0.04195505798268103,0.06850345344306014,0.0,0.07263081583610795,0.0,0.04572782405241184,0.16248773758724536,0.03708845823459051,0.0,0.03917895875775746,0.0736995137540343,0.0,0.038652829982354,0.0,0.12439039438017448,0.11716672191513627,0.0,0.0,0.03747488494714124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167787422622473,0.0,0.021421738242401223,0.0,0.06990677094256753,0.0,0.032792869782326935,0.04520460820866151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729431641975459,0.036729542130024516,0.040480770029421374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648957768044377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22144479664992184,0.0,0.0,0.07288853359197979,0.0,0.0,0.0450670130042234,0.0,0.04625179478488162,0.0434149658000202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604081879815482,0.0410945560319595,0.0,0.0,0.03443116940686547,0.0,0.0,0.03485824789704433,0.11101712427872068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545446069435326,0.0,0.09042308009545133,0.0,0.03162310112187285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393423146128476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448707518079186,0.0,0.0,0.04810675557746456,0.04552762547335493,0.0,0.0,0.08527641684399552,0.035801173583253146,0.04283813427278381,0.0,0.038759935912222016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044206854637866604,0.11769950077483733,0.0,0.08243622917649668,0.0,0.0,0.04101287658001064,0.0,0.052533581530519166,0.0,0.0,0.13206170464622002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042504750088038,0.0,0.04149599126739155,0.03267311087141462,0.03732648142654019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03391709687425505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370337957070628,0.03156517411475087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03427932478381746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773407028153286,0.03583736374704951,0.0,0.04688910981784592,0.0,0.0,0.026272285631487858,0.0,0.0,0.09563387271834124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02783751781423649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176552143328146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699772985744381,0.0915540482689375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029849784835549467,0.0,0.0,0.05825297752802569,0.04482901086401661,0.0,0.026403802613576968
suicidewatch,norunup,2019/01/07,"Suicide Wanted to share this with whoever the fuck would listen so here it goes.. 28 and fucking over this so called piece of shit, “life”. Raised in foster care most my life. Spent everyday with my brother in and out of foster care only to have my mother kill him with overdose of depressants that she forcefully put on him. She decided to try and be a mother at his age of 18 as my brother died in the same home as her due to pills. She died nine years later due to the same cause of overdose, “oh the irony”. I have no family, no friends, no job, no money, no freedom, nothing at all. There’s no point in suffering in such a mediocre life. This is my farewell in saying, “this world is twisted and fucked beyond belief”. Family and friends are all a fake terms to make you feel like you have something but you truly don’t. Everyone is out for themselves. They want to merely use you or abuse you. Been thinking about suicide much lately and this is my farewell. I wish the worst for everyone that has abandon me. Always wanted to do good but it doesn’t seem like that’s possible in this life. Farewell humans. ",3.459482846902201,5.291451663594472,3.902450076804918,88.5562147977471,73.83870967741936,6.849871991807476,25.419610855094728,7.594959193182576,1.2479239119303642,869,29,173,11,18,272,127,217,0.213,0.6709999999999999,0.116,-0.9732,1,0,1,0,1,3,25.0,0,5,1,1,7,18,5,0,8,0,15,9,1,3,2,33,31,13,5,5,3,4,1,2,2,1,5,2,1,1,11,11,0,1,5,0,2,1,8,10,0,1,2,3,22,8,35,27,9,25,1,3,0,3,24,16,4,3,10,120,33,1,0.0,0.1457029281831601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232340954798247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556920967771842,0.0,0.2507583933026433,0.12632717310975486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591648787833864,0.0,0.2552531739786816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23501199420027474,0.0,0.0,0.2318560508920766,0.0,0.062178857328733995,0.08785195499144405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900173110766122,0.3410597454355849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031439405513948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233519725925322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203175415296093,0.0,0.13605143429962593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871893067582716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474379425872483,0.12015681867562532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820854503596737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903993242323197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799593591533655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352652833737007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624925881934706,0.13863361079752584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362185741653604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977930867700078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195002514958148,0.0,0.0,0.1262300449471523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467064402927357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690250642062763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879615020693563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349061310637873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620921192893366,0.0,0.0,0.2175980321678616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414129120357497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735651004414742,0.0,0.0,0.0791905974971644
suicidewatch,jaredesubgay,2019/01/07,well i hate myself on every level now. i had a good day today for the first time in quite awhile. but it occurs to me that im still a pathetic nothing who will never amount to anything and wouldnt be missed. im fat and gross and its my fault. i have no follow through on anything and i use my shitty past as a lame excuse for my shitty self. im a garbage person and ill die a garbage person which is exactly what i deserve. i hope god is real and i hope i go to hell. i give up on myself. all i hope at this point is that i dont chicken out this fucking time like the countless others.,1.0939630681818215,2.511635640625002,3.1450568181818177,93.23971590909092,79.3125,5.279545454545455,21.01136363636364,5.565023196281405,-0.06799374999999985,454,12,104,2,11,154,83,128,0.295,0.547,0.158,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,13,3,0,7,0,9,3,1,1,3,17,19,8,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,10,7,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,7,1,1,1,0,17,6,14,15,2,20,1,2,0,1,6,9,2,3,10,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460606570457132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641871112846054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516315647706208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521939053019522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259648735575609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271693440119202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382154713930372,0.0,0.14341934615356758,0.08496744912567429,0.1253981616602621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760577788103396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454782335758989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844749461553608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730408596584548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153078964829998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434546069120995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271996388327698,0.0,0.2610849582144444,0.0,0.0,0.1413310687218746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901755487279282,0.0,0.17017004623736276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559668940554143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939532493814713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435577638600966,0.0,0.1417137796810668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912479255761145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344234438763366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,struggling-sagg,2019/01/07,"Body forever ruined from eating issues I have a physical problem that for the past four years has not gone away in any capacity, and I think I need to die.

I had anxiety issues as a child and was put on an antidepressant. After this I became fairly chubby. I don’t know if this was natural or due to the drug since I was only around 8 at the time. Although I ate the same as my friends I was always the chubbiest one. In early high school I lost weight from 185 lbs at 5’9 to 135 lbs. I was only 14 and it was really fucking hard but I had/have a discipline and willpower of steel. I told myself it was worth it because if I did it now, I’d never have to think about my weight again. I maintained this weight for a while, but at one point I saw a nutritionist who said that to maintain my weight I should eat 2000 calories a day.  Now, I don’t know if I have a fast metabolism, 2000 is actually low, or what, but I ended up losing to 105lbs over the course of a year by meticulously eating this much every day (I was super paranoid about gaining weight back, so yes I counted calories pretty much 90% of the time as a teenager). 

Through doctors being scared and my parents threatening to hospitalize me, I started gaining weight and it felt amazing. I gained 10 pounds, I looked like a supermodel, I had tons of energy, and I was literally maintaining this super-thin weight on like 2800-3000 calories a day. I guess I’m some freak of nature because that’s what I needed to maintain my weight at the time.

Then I started college and basically went into full blown anorexic mode and lost to 95 lbs by having this weird problem where everything I ate had to be “planned” and perfect so I could be a perfect super skinny fairy or whatever the fuck was going on in my head at the time. Around this time I started to develop strange chest tightness, soreness, and pain. I got scared and started eating a ton, but since I was away at school I was unable to meticulously weigh and count things like my OCD self did in high school. I started feeling guilty and then restricting the next day only for the chest pain to get so bad as the day went on I ate a lot at night.

Long story short the chest pain got so bad I had to leave school. I continued on in this frantic eating a lot followed by eating a little the next day. Everything was inconsistent and crazy for my body. Over the next 6 months I felt sick and totally unstable only to find I had gained EIGHTY pounds.

For the past 4 years I have remained around this high disgusting weight even though I’m overall eating less than I did at 115 lbs. I am definitely exercising less but I guess the difference is that I’m inconsistent and I guess my body is such a sensitive little snowflake I need to eat the same exact # of calories everyday or else it goes into panic mode. I keep trying to lose the weight but every time I eat low calorie now the chest pain is exacerbated and it becomes so excruciating that I have to eat. I still have the chest pain on a regular basis, yet no doctor has found anything wrong with my heart. If this is my “set point” weight, I can genuinely say I don’t want to live. If I didn’t have the chest pain I could lose the weight again but it prevents me from doing anything including working and going to school.

I have a loving family and boyfriend but it’s not enough anymore. The chest pain is excruciating and there is no end in sight to my weight issue or the pain. I’m not mentioning a lot of what this has done to me such as lose friends, my degree, and all my goals for life. I am at my wits end and I am done. I’m in pain, disgusted at my body and scared. I need it to end, and I will kill myself if it’s the only way.
TLDR: through a series of complicated events, I think I’m destined to be fat and in pain forever. At only 23 I feel strongly that I want to die since I can’t stand this suffering anymore and no one seems to be able to help me. Posting on a whim in the one in a million shot anyone here has any idea wtf is happening to me",4.242948402948407,5.011565850122854,5.301656019656021,83.41275429975433,70.4742014742015,8.377002457002458,27.69926289926289,8.575989854853784,1.8218695823095827,3158,105,657,50,55,1043,321,814,0.229,0.6709999999999999,0.1,-0.9991,3,0,1,0,0,2,65.0,0,0,0,18,25,49,5,5,52,1,63,62,15,0,6,99,117,61,3,17,22,1,19,3,2,2,18,2,0,2,34,33,29,5,13,1,1,7,12,37,0,6,40,24,88,12,98,68,16,112,0,10,3,3,12,50,2,19,54,434,122,10,0.034804545776142795,0.0,0.03396421606142841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028960170219781263,0.0,0.0,0.0473365692530135,0.0,0.026625382254518208,0.0,0.06903351429899772,0.02433614765267604,0.0,0.057282351268548276,0.09295027419892676,0.0,0.0,0.06540003290454596,0.02676254734545556,0.0581206838724619,0.042433056122044295,0.03843888635546335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546400169363924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055577195461169376,0.0,0.0,0.1346763163042781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224324717302982,0.036363342566114086,0.0,0.07124785479352665,0.0,0.0712342684183725,0.0,0.0,0.040362223388355684,0.3561373929337255,0.029074731974198638,0.0,0.12330598808467234,0.03596239962829116,0.0,0.022988074235653404,0.0,0.058648661848301586,0.0,0.06256016306706046,0.0,0.032810628232497134,0.0,0.03519644820801683,0.0,0.06683564405345524,0.0,0.0318107243018839,0.0,0.0,0.03816138799670416,0.053779811460478416,0.06435248347413022,0.018183938663382918,0.0,0.039560450871308224,0.0,0.05567274942589297,0.0,0.11502339321482333,0.0,0.0307775448860655,0.0,0.031178036705934418,0.0,0.035719505078022025,0.0,0.0,0.04124355432208349,0.02332875338541053,0.11031874054397216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039290095757393034,0.0,0.10898070985625297,0.0,0.030935879458116232,0.038506073178835344,0.0,0.038255336282123256,0.0,0.0,0.03685298859724757,0.0,0.0,0.024583479974391864,0.05101122906212978,0.06976659669988962,0.0307330515691721,0.030800927776702826,0.029227052703114695,0.15574953626192256,0.0759865462467952,0.08876874058962447,0.031412461423160565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02778065638378169,0.0,0.05117069161565666,0.1032285187448467,0.026843411334748647,0.0,0.11104508784567273,0.03266170848631921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433784386655532,0.15882255249393246,0.37034490608749215,0.04083563540999155,0.03864632924410888,0.0,0.06644975431954228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580309116366963,0.0,0.03333313398847797,0.0354087355144064,0.0,0.06660649970237979,0.0,0.03498818158507113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022296683245526104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03310709319389802,0.027677971753367017,0.10453626607206223,0.17612029225737108,0.0,0.0316847513072789,0.036308731833902666,0.0,0.0,0.08637203977883229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317418319183936,0.0,0.027794955215692238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023122593690265626,0.06690404276216677,0.03419528951272936,0.0,0.12176886319687075,0.0,0.0,0.03325723500514646,0.0,0.023630001951614032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041057245706911716,0.027626228418845482,0.0,0.5509732846295387,0.0,0.06452832525261479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025338123845171524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805330709708224,0.0,0.06723895910393703
suicidewatch,pyretta_blaze13,2019/01/07,I need to talk I really need help...I need a friend. ,-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666628,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,107.33333333333331,5.7333333333333325,6.0,7.1686216300943375,-1.2567999999999997,38,0,11,1,2,14,8,12,0.0,0.6859999999999999,0.314,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29095959006276906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524264900661703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8377305539326709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24125907624816256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026961532608608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeplerKeven,2019/01/07,"I’ll never find love. Every time I think I want to start a relationship, I’m always painfully reminded that very few people would want to date a mentally ill person. It’s really disheartening. I just want to be loved, but my mental illness drives people away.",4.688469387755101,6.743275346938777,6.044642857142858,73.54410714285714,71.04081632653063,8.981632653061224,24.494897959183675,9.516144504307137,2.400138775510204,208,6,35,5,4,70,39,49,0.239,0.643,0.119,-0.7894,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,9,10,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,8,1,6,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746409057670814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038137336576234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969561918079666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493190875529512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849828130795581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298674166379195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644928722568002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269424573811417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957197374661156,0.18622581796066484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366311242308058,0.0,0.0,0.2289803797616862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509590187956687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665970670047167,0.0,0.0,0.12436391317106167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759763979489698,0.37739005238916257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150632371832806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Austinhotshot98,2019/01/07,"What a terrible life I have 20 years old and still haven’t done half of the things a 15 year old has done. I have no friends and have not had a girlfriend my entire life. No brothers or sisters to hang out with or talk to about things cause I’m an only child. Everyday seeing couples be happy and together makes me so jealous and makes my will to live become smaller and smaller. I literally hate everything about myself. Not having a gf is not due to lack of trying. I’ve tried all the dating apps and have had little to no luck in any of them. Either due to not getting the matches in the first place or the girl ghosting me almost all the time. It’s just hard to go on not having someone to be by my side. There is so much else to say about my feelings, but it’s hard to put into words without being emotional. ",4.149220779220779,4.661366000000005,5.046125541125544,86.08675324675328,70.54761904761905,7.537662337662339,27.177489177489186,7.348242739294969,1.305504761904762,640,20,134,6,11,209,105,168,0.096,0.857,0.046,-0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,8,6,2,0,11,0,18,2,0,3,2,31,26,12,1,1,12,2,3,0,3,1,2,1,0,2,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,10,3,0,2,4,5,11,3,24,18,5,22,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,5,11,99,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537672477127191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044254474017737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959395108844566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577474858870473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991021305417334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142885286074269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282789159587886,0.17273330848307758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800900912120534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764409016273467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306172840539137,0.0,0.0,0.11863937250978485,0.0,0.08022828694241665,0.0,0.08727116998216465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346650740750404,0.2751175662709319,0.15160781057169495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169266540037637,0.0,0.15390655024331498,0.1355954903693521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500377081808788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288360035688395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322268868417547,0.0,0.0,0.11678860807045607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043656633391054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436929940008093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211635228866982,0.0,0.0,0.12236671387874334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011011918241067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263248814662035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342498034262052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403567299433745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954154064252065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851308532419613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802548360942286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777403948107755
suicidewatch,InsideConfusion,2019/01/07,"I'd rather kill myself than disappoint my family, but killing myself will disappoint my family Life isn't fair, I wish my family didn't love me. There's so many people out there who deserve loving families but don't have one. Why did the universe waste love on me? I don't want love, I want to die. ",4.494508196721314,5.10371349180328,5.639467213114753,81.79231557377051,69.81967213114754,10.034426229508195,25.08606557377049,10.125756701596842,2.227095081967213,237,6,49,6,4,79,41,61,0.51,0.43,0.061,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,0,7,14,3,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,10,4,4,11,0,2,0,2,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657200494168187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6021189960150296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533190214864262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278495016803472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5764607614474434,0.0,0.0,0.16188793653887634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820161578560736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070028274192503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836386939173966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440841198870134,0.0,0.1836212604564748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SafeDrag,2019/01/07,"I'm afraid to tell my therapist that I want to kill myself I don't want to end up in the hospital. It would just cause more problems than it would solve

Plus, I don't want to put my therapist through that level of stress. She told me once she would stop being a therapist if any of her clients killed themselves.

But I don't know what to do

​",2.6545662100456617,4.239672013698629,3.2180136986301378,93.66117579908678,75.43835616438356,7.0584474885844735,24.495433789954337,7.793537801064563,0.9965269406392694,279,9,63,4,6,87,49,73,0.221,0.706,0.073,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,14,3,2,8,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,11,0,12,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534897911566585,0.19664816307010768,0.11005386686790893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624990596176814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333844859091258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35809458252699417,0.0,0.08894070171576401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234980340893394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548549666031504,0.0,0.1626896388511936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530194247972846,0.18538231710803016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145158806095984,0.0,0.0,0.5637113750255124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464100467813874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863647740612614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448904433419871,0.0,0.19664816307010768,0.0
suicidewatch,ginallee,2019/01/07,I Want To End My Life. 18F... It is my last year of high school. I have no interest in life. I can’t picture myself in college or working. I have never pictured living longer than this. I have attempted suicide several times since I was 10. I take a lot of medication and it makes me feel empty... I go to group and individual therapy. I have done two outpatient hospitalizations. Nothing is working. I don’t want to fight these intrusive thoughts anymore. I don’t want to try to get better anymore. I’m slowly losing my battle with my illnesses. ,1.5188571428571436,4.221617980952384,3.855,80.78250000000001,88.23809523809523,6.80952380952381,26.54761904761905,7.957251820313856,2.2631904761904766,428,20,78,10,14,147,71,105,0.168,0.7390000000000001,0.093,-0.872,0,0,0,0,1,2,18.0,0,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,1,0,11,4,0,1,1,12,21,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,1,17,2,11,18,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,51,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35617356017385143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881649211963147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837640981093719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904714258299718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079679914184767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381875220300168,0.0,0.1020546814978038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897272601211151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637482538875168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536734707150454,0.0,0.0,0.15856501734777725,0.0,0.0,0.20089469364679569,0.0,0.15266535724960026,0.0,0.0,0.11986544090656978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089950040714511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849669221384775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723037983187279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173605139229546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028648009170682,0.0,0.14854348751178895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642219050213994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501549919255246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535578043393715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255979623248016,0.10470964710296234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191733258093194,0.0,0.17541536556301512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177479559643896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614605346317051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156382263002796
suicidewatch,Kydio,2019/01/07,"I want to die only because I have autism I've always felt like my autism was worse than other people's autism because other people unlike me can actually keep their act together. I've always wanted to die because I've felt like a failure but I've realized I'm not a failure I'm just letting my autism get the best of me. I don't know how people don't let their autism take over because I feel completely helpless when it comes to speaking with people. I've closed myself off and drifted away from society and haven't eaten a good meal in weeks, maybe even in a whole month. I've let myself become isolated and I plan to die isolated too. My therapist hasn't been helping me and my parents think my Aspergers is just fake and for attention. Im dying tonight because I've been such a jerk to people and I've been so inconsiderate I have no reason to go on. It's just the truth.",4.491333333333333,5.223461244444447,5.731111111111113,80.69000000000003,69.8888888888889,8.444444444444445,28.88888888888889,8.59863814320734,2.1098888888888894,704,25,138,11,12,236,99,180,0.257,0.675,0.068,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,2,9,8,1,0,7,0,15,2,0,2,1,27,30,10,4,2,5,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,2,1,8,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,7,4,18,5,17,20,2,15,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,81,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.11105198530934213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893807524947148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691846206917403,0.0,0.0,0.3468558729997647,0.12568270779852234,0.0,0.0,0.1194256501806104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980282713907384,0.11931670633833852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724240364769999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516355677665781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754049265068365,0.0,0.21853090759229432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945558954340991,0.0,0.06467493024195987,0.09544969798789517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762774672483614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292308669967016,0.0,0.0,0.10115030551274318,0.0,0.0,0.06254127925583018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34910337675259023,0.0,0.11119346412851036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432698515414852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083374805518353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654971718101159,0.0,0.0,0.12636097885240818,0.0,0.0,0.3944715394736796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170049331399145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556313011519841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213009658887478,0.0,0.07291818307167754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342438947755962,0.0,0.09128316784623916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705317965609966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597150569422622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rebellbass66,2019/01/07,"Hypokelemia( low potassium ) Hey so I'm 29 overweight and I have low potassium I also suffer from depression anxiety and yeah life's hard. I was diagnosed with low potassium when I was 11 or 12. 
Back then I was put on pills I started with two and they were the size of Skittles. And so now my doctor has me on 15 of these pillls as well as a pill to stop me from peeing everything away all my potassium. 

They're a pain in the ass to take. I also take 2 propanylol for migraines since 8 years old also. It's too many pills I get upset stomach if I dont eat with them and as much as I love to eat I simply cannot eat 3 square meals a day every day and take these. It's like my life revolves around making sure I take these. 

My job is as a seafarer. As a cook. My last medical thr doctor wanted me to not return to sea, and he had the ability to revoke my seafaring privaleges based on the fact my low potassium puts me as a liability. I know it's coming, eventually theyll revoke it and it's the only thing I'm good at and make a decent dollar to survive... but my job is isolated and lonely, and unrewarding...as I'm not fulltime after 5 years and I'm losing interest in this career. I dont know what I'll do when that happens...

Muscle weakness and cramping low energy always tired migraines if I forget one pill, overweight, career ain't advancing, very small circle... extremely depressed and anxiety is killing me. All I wanna do when I get home I be alone because I wanna decompress from the stress of being away and at sea alone isolated with just my thoughts and I know I could exercise or try but I dont have the strentgth or will to do it anymore... I wanna end my life so bad. I've missed opportunities with girls out of my league when i could have because i was molded to feel unworthy and garbage over the course of my life. I've turned down jobs because of anxiety and panic attacks the night b4 I'm supposed to go. My best friend died in car crash and I dont drive. People hold that over me and my family looks down on me and my mother because she was poor when she raised me so we still are poor and stupid to them.

Only time I feel ok is when I'm high on weed but I cant smoke weed because I go to sea...a job i hate.

I have no idea what to do... sorry this is long winded and gramatically it's a shitshow.",2.125207619431567,3.730128301652897,4.129604918363235,86.48114795404153,76.93388429752066,7.283934690586578,23.78834912316065,8.096554002634818,1.2777425519048575,1814,58,387,31,41,620,232,484,0.248,0.687,0.065,-0.9982,5,4,1,0,0,1,49.0,1,0,4,5,20,31,4,3,17,2,35,30,3,2,4,65,66,52,2,8,11,1,3,1,1,2,21,0,1,1,17,32,7,2,7,2,3,8,10,21,1,2,8,5,61,10,57,52,4,57,0,11,2,2,13,25,1,5,25,246,78,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082043469481735,0.0,0.1862627791496088,0.06460156870173056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781800432668266,0.0,0.07699666961319201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911485071779867,0.0,0.08832516226232846,0.14588811760134665,0.05969932247807841,0.06482502215428572,0.2366389742782163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147696366458207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668788145103332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397627443438973,0.0,0.0,0.10014100094715687,0.0,0.1337400952244445,0.0788015861976743,0.08057665165753711,0.0,0.0,0.15893287751295893,0.0,0.0,0.3639676354865766,0.0,0.0,0.2383311363392641,0.0,0.0,0.06876479143711761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541390345609364,0.0,0.06977660424122152,0.0,0.07319080094566566,0.0,0.07851285920322447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998342134151405,0.0,0.08112597087072362,0.0,0.08824765757380132,0.0651196084174027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865559371158883,0.0,0.0695489724320658,0.07665208427696629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202948673130689,0.07787788705568573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764457532901786,0.0,0.0,0.3081774848797789,0.0,0.08589565299575733,0.0,0.12800449978101291,0.06328585459653556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193538723620512,0.03793031824753069,0.0,0.0,0.06870775402019505,0.06519690453544666,0.08685777993299433,0.0,0.0,0.0700719045958044,0.0,0.1036487913029577,0.07871339597082364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821276267245522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707333425246836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285860506626482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814686933629405,0.0,0.052609952354109785,0.11809536981833485,0.08261298781180916,0.09109221687569613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053824857959411734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609655601213998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422348601930955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691010207949547,0.05495302960831325,0.0,0.06200231888490704,0.06490938019155644,0.08893480079755435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317350019992183,0.0,0.23349838273037224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157966315486591,0.0,0.0,0.06163640852666584,0.0452717158419364,0.08923419656914845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052711540813269134,0.08444854676443535,0.07584167078960148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406000969007036,0.045793281930145424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980646216378872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999347846877972
suicidewatch,Stax14,2019/01/07,Trip before Suicide Probably gonna kill myself soon. I want to do something fun before it though. I really want to travel the U.S. Unfortunately I’ve been lonely for so long I want to travel with someone. Anyone want to tag along?,2.7734090909090905,5.559105886363637,4.469272727272728,78.69390909090913,81.04545454545455,6.247272727272727,20.163636363636364,7.554174236665415,1.0856781818181815,185,5,31,3,5,62,33,44,0.268,0.57,0.162,-0.8625,0,2,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,7,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478440761109626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254110747913365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765540908958197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121504159805605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26950927782280554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601367902751446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179825059700727,0.19243864666930235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734259379283914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24559365376446984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5897536842267382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aenema_onodi,2019/01/07,"might do it this weekend came very close a couple days ago, but still thinking it's the best option ",7.41,6.239236000000003,6.370000000000001,85.01500000000003,64.0,8.0,30.0,3.1291,1.15,80,2,16,0,1,24,19,20,0.0,0.746,0.254,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31965911976203343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784380805831596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124419178431071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990082467941909,0.0,0.2325636994901435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825503581765494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879837133733176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310644086887905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975411210590697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,killstxr,2019/01/07,I think i overdosed but idk what to do (16f) I took 12/13 co-codamol (8/500mg) and my arms are really aching and I've gone dizzy. I don't know if im just being paranoid or something but it's 1am for me and my mother is asleep so i don't want to wake her and im too afraid to tell her plus at 9am i have a very important exam and if i went to the hospital I'd miss it and i don't know what to do right now. Will i be okay if i stay at home?,-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,1.1403703703703734,102.9166666666667,91.22222222222223,4.711111111111111,14.555555555555555,5.985473137389443,-1.079366666666667,336,6,98,3,12,121,69,108,0.153,0.795,0.052000000000000005,-0.8338,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,1,11,3,3,0,0,18,19,14,0,4,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,15,1,9,13,0,8,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,4,1,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676378800429272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5764134364859653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932698377983232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092895565295774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278591313162089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540774450353072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843900119924855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332086631131241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096471303779573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964420358885381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015087770319888,0.15737479995096265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473408067919021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilmizzvalz,2019/01/07,"My biggest regret in life is not killing myself. Every day my mind swarms with uninvited thoughts. They remind me that I’m a coward for not going through with it already. They remind me that I keep letting my husband or my therapist control my fate by getting locked up in a hospital until I’m “better”. 

What I struggle most is....I have a decent life. I have a career, a husband, four furbabies....what else could I ask for? 

I’m just unhappy. I’m done. Exhausted. Every day I wake up and it’s another day I regret still being able to take another breath. ",1.1300131061598968,3.7026245504587187,3.3601900393184816,84.83892201834864,87.89908256880733,5.6830930537352575,25.216906946264743,7.1686216300943375,1.5602576671035386,432,19,79,7,14,147,68,109,0.153,0.7859999999999999,0.061,-0.8309,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,2,2,6,1,1,5,0,7,5,2,1,0,15,17,3,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,16,1,12,12,1,11,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,2,5,53,21,1,0.1843008971162513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338062289991135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865111202352725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229646001135812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629991664457821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067091275392458,0.1471492696468389,0.0,0.0,0.35657649542153075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886038056546772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395975056604286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105629093059105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962896120042331,0.0,0.10474244704700636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381510547163075,0.20390163620948326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188460154069178,0.2603543481165315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609136780743374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718293450821246,0.0,0.0,0.19267131368080356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857133810177424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213987546542372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631432570032474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1questionnow,2019/01/07,"Can you refuse emergency medical treatment in Canada? Say, if a person is unconscious and dying (in Canada, specifically Ontario), but he has a signed “I refuse to any medical treatment” slip attached to him, will first responders still go ahead and try to save this person?",12.166382978723405,10.212663191489362,10.898404255319154,58.78250000000003,55.38297872340424,14.506382978723408,44.776595744680854,13.023866798666859,6.0576042553191485,218,10,32,6,2,69,37,47,0.129,0.7859999999999999,0.085,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,5,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,3,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117758112571094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30702946893456506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25163664521421936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812954424291435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960442012232181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166224887880146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525944087946984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625378628107704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085218297981766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,immabich,2019/01/07,"Expectations I'm really just so so tired. I've been various degrees of suicidal since my mid-teens and it's almost always over people's expectations of me. There has never ever been any allowance or understanding of my mental state. If I'm not doing perfectly in life then I'm to be guilted, insulted, made to feel like dirt. 

I've been at breaking point for years but my performance hasn't been allowed to slip. I kept writing essays and putting together presentations even when I hadn't seen other humans or the outside world for weeks and once three straight months, when I couldn't sleep over debt, when I was awake 5 times every night convinced someone was breaking in, when I was distracted trying to catch ghosts on my camera, when I was sane but breaking down from stress every night.

Now in my last year of university I have given up. I couldn't work 30 hours a week and study 50 hours a week and somehow it led to uni being the one that I dropped. When she finds out I don't know what my future will hold but it won't be good.",4.938209059233451,5.956145068292685,5.3743728222996525,82.6115243902439,69.04878048780488,8.393728222996515,27.813588850174213,8.634040054169528,1.9085540069686404,829,27,163,13,14,265,133,205,0.108,0.84,0.052000000000000005,-0.8727,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,14,8,1,3,4,0,21,3,1,4,3,34,31,20,2,5,8,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,4,0,1,3,8,4,0,2,13,2,18,4,22,11,1,45,0,0,1,0,4,13,0,5,25,102,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558324933390045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294895882886585,0.0,0.0,0.10582798403897964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278655980725657,0.14076859289551402,0.2622357195687328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868692678757355,0.11117605963727532,0.0,0.0,0.14223526870713546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305279647684817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065117396666743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552552881116553,0.12685232604857424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109920096340184,0.07602882394710281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725286440501112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568299102603328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421562892152625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200249258074273,0.0,0.0,0.29208054735871664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573186170889967,0.10545318336886024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788838161252022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711265711215493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564426311736611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969514377003592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873174646113555,0.0,0.15573392852860266,0.0,0.13185762626583694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826394886755548,0.0,0.0,0.17022470692332153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074417174851736,0.17886406796649074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565681074224738,0.0,0.0,0.16200751196262592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744906385591818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132943349372027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043033967573404
suicidewatch,indianagirl95,2019/01/07,"I don't want to die, I'm just tired of living through pain and suffering So for I would say the past year my life has been on a rollercoaster. In July of l admitted myself to the mental hospital for what I think may have been a manic episode or just all the stress getting to me. I don't know. Its the only one I've had so I'm not sure I'm bipolar or not. Since September I've been dealing with digestive upsets that have basically ruined my life. I had a great job making great money, things going well with friends and family. Now it just seems I can't have a normal day. I've lost so much weight I hate when I look in the mirror. I have constant panic attacks. I'm lost. On top of that its going to take me months to get in with psychiatrist since the one I was seeing was for college and I'm no longer a student. It's just overwhelming me. I don't want people to think I'm weak for suicide and I don't want to upset my friends or family but my quality of life is so bad I don't want to live through it anymore. I'm only 23 years old, fresh out of college, I'm attractive, I was in great shape before getting sick, I should be living the life. But I'm not. ",1.3585381818181828,2.9511341920000014,3.4738181818181815,90.3969090909091,79.08,6.625454545454545,22.163636363636364,7.520522993642371,0.7505600000000001,908,27,205,13,22,310,124,250,0.179,0.7040000000000001,0.117,-0.8602,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,3,11,22,2,5,12,0,24,11,0,1,2,36,54,14,2,7,12,0,1,0,2,3,10,1,0,0,9,8,2,0,5,0,1,2,10,14,1,2,10,4,23,8,29,40,2,20,0,5,2,0,5,9,0,5,9,125,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709150951854736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284784527255425,0.0,0.0,0.09016246432412328,0.0,0.0,0.09188677182463356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669277532046815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964100531883201,0.11132717585256294,0.0,0.0,0.11207075970046076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359616579572004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668569606924713,0.0,0.1692521778931912,0.0,0.12274004718036614,0.0,0.0,0.3571595499650158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661223990857913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715785572675704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934540275391593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30509030361965256,0.0,0.0,0.2860566133486083,0.0,0.0906797002742228,0.0,0.2357554594548102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208042618056855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882287800651257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619211864746239,0.0,0.07938095957992261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580178572143567,0.0,0.0,0.11331146391877388,0.0,0.14634604955264646,0.16425400584897162,0.11490301613107948,0.12669642803534728,0.0,0.0,0.10308332944480728,0.07486278714978617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587352985223366,0.0,0.0,0.08604958681001282,0.09830494306054847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786516247755421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369576650506985,0.0,0.0,0.11811740811724712,0.0,0.10177402000024624,0.0,0.08119083072799163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174003778945777,0.13838408788445353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241121838031758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547679899582289,0.0,0.0,0.13149590925182136,0.09709094490482577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767090202470602,0.0,0.0,0.1390768276735606
suicidewatch,hexaelah,2019/01/07,"I slit my wrists on Saturday I failed at attempting suicide this past weekend, and I can’t stop thinking about other ways to kill myself. I have care from a psychiatrist and a therapist, but I’m so sick of hearing ‘hang in there’. I can’t anymore. Being bipolar 1 is too much. Each depressive episode is worse than the last. My body feels like a prison. I want out of this fucking body! ",2.098026315789472,4.526783013157896,3.175526315789476,89.21618421052631,80.71052631578947,6.43157894736842,26.605263157894736,7.6454224807358475,1.5803736842105265,303,13,61,5,8,97,60,76,0.319,0.603,0.079,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,0,4,0,6,6,3,0,0,9,13,4,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,9,2,10,12,2,11,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,6,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264703619753776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987453094058215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288961676265278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336444012506554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351565913701228,0.16038526608176176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754976568930303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530316360052082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24837973717347506,0.0,0.0,0.18300022624267925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968101584480973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503582273182293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431388805184184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769488594339329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455702693786885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26066573842490404,0.0,0.14385270673132586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241791561538244,0.17820034055144254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287881334265123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ricefarms,2019/01/07,"Why am I still here? This is why I am a bigger failure than all of you. This is the life of a lost cause. If you can beat me in a compition of who is a bigger failure in life than me, than good job! you have surpassed the biggest failure in the world. First im 19 soon to be 20 still living with my parents. I never did well school I never failed but had around a 2.7 GPA. I have my license but dont even own a car. I never worked a single day in my life. I have adhd, autism, bipolar, depression, and insomia. Never had a girlfriend or been kissed. Still a virgin.


 I spent my senior prom night at a Smash Bros tournament and did ok. Btw that is another thing I can go into, How i sucked at smash even though I been playing it for 4 and a half years. I only win like one or two matches and I am ussally out of the tournament and feel bad afterwards. 


Now here is my social life. Oh wait that is funny becuase i have none and I never had more than 3-5 friends. I rarely get out of the house because A. I never own a car I have to borrow my dads and it is rare because he works for long periods of time. B. I dont have too much motivation to do anything. 


Now here is the part about my wieght. I am 5'8 and 215 lbs which is considered obese. I couldnt help but to eat anything as long as it had carbs in it. I was addicted to chips and oreos and still am. I used to drink a lot of soda but not as much now. I remember my parents hiding junk food away from me when I was around 230 pounds to prevent me from being fatter. 

Either way I know I will not get anywhere in life. My life is only about 1/4 done and I hate it. Pls help I feel like death and I want an anwser on why I can do anything. All I wanted in life was something to feel happy about and i really dont have anything. 

Sorry for my poor english because im also really stupid as well. 

TLDR: I was never good at anything, have no social life and my weight makes me feel like i can never achieve or feel anything good. 
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suicidewatch,paridonian,2019/01/07,Emergency considering suicide So to start off I am 32 years old I live at home with my mom I have no job I have no unique skills I am a navy veteran I don't know what to do with my life as I've been out of work for over 8 months now I'm not sure what the point in living is as I have no girlfriend I have no car I have no job prospects and again no skills that would get me good money to live on I don't see the point in living my family although times support of eventually just make me feel like a loser I really don't see what the point in me carrying on as I'm not capable of going to school as I'm not suited for that environment I've used up most of my GI bill  Trying to break that mold but failed I live in a very small town and although I have a few friends again being a burden to my family I do not wish to be a burden to them they all have families and lives to live I another on the other hand do not have any kids I'm never been married and I just don't see the point anymore,5.0963187933143095,3.200560556053812,6.550444353852428,84.20706074194867,69.0,10.261557276803915,28.34447615165104,9.095868883498916,1.7873354260089682,776,18,192,12,11,269,112,223,0.157,0.7709999999999999,0.071,-0.9308,2,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,2,5,6,9,0,0,11,0,23,2,1,2,3,25,39,12,1,2,8,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,7,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,16,4,0,0,2,5,26,5,33,34,3,30,0,2,3,0,6,18,0,1,10,128,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094922260694041,0.10940102141055803,0.0,0.0,0.10346914131355618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950642942328746,0.0,0.05275330845243422,0.07453468074060822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060651363799165,0.0,0.054509075433985886,0.0,0.05929418374823803,0.08750858965034078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465333294864128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706648672515388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057338045671971434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369265752377496,0.05097126250444341,0.0,0.6448884260546917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964230718147567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219217922608976,0.08327667192798813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046713973457234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947870587842444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945092123801327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683764235332973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055893827385654,0.24941688368141815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738466068041002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412208910882675,0.11839452515701225,0.09833151577371672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083672952984344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083446456402287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010920364385333,0.0,0.08608468688928902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997645643982345,0.0,0.0,0.07595481537855024,0.0,0.0,0.07411433914462554,0.0,0.0,0.06718627835526254
suicidewatch,zoomist_,2019/01/07,"I wish i had died, why am i alive. i should have just died i was in an motorcycle accident broke 9 ribs, broken shoulder, fractured wrist and thumb. i survived but i wish i didn't. my family keeps telling me that this pain will follow me my whole life. i can barley breath it hurts. i have no insurance so I'm so far in debt i don't even know.  i have no future. my life was worthless and  meaning less. i'm just a burden on my old parents. if i had died in the crash at least it won't hurt anymore. i can't do the most basic things. i can't wipe my ass, i need help getting dressed,. i can't pick things up, i need help showing. i keep thinking this is so nightmare maybe if i end it i'll wake up.",-1.0830263157894748,0.9629778026315812,1.1924210526315804,100.04994736842107,93.34210526315788,4.092631578947368,18.12631578947369,5.6839178017228535,-0.5480300000000002,534,16,131,4,20,178,92,152,0.268,0.589,0.142,-0.9689,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,19,9,6,1,0,19,32,8,3,7,5,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,3,1,1,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,27,0,7,24,4,12,0,4,0,1,4,8,1,3,3,82,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511487702201753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745294257925742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498913280771807,0.0,0.0,0.10066470425943694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367763709706752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962740980635058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431307435413287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263139641992669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27093623630525443,0.0,0.0,0.08375999819968798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153019618713275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531153213466535,0.16601807655046122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260186782952237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992760303938194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217391706289966,0.0,0.16923215334137676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321217994425882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025075290501429,0.09765753044200592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752541292060438,0.17015920086520267,0.3505256468940629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teamrocketpop,2019/01/07,Im going to jump into Niagara Falls Maybe tonight,2.8810000000000002,5.347857099999999,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,78.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.0370000000000004,41,2,7,1,1,14,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595072180247509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6832900594571174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6355070848033035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatewarm,2019/01/07,"Mom has cancer and I don't if I cand handle it (Sorry if I don't make myself clear. English is not my native language) Since I was a teenager I felt something was off with me I had not many friends I didn't enjoy daily activities I don't have anything that keeps my going but the feel that I don't know anything but being alive and I flow with what life brings. The only things I find comfort was videogames, music and the most important person in my life, my mom. 
Since my teens I've always play with the idea of suicide I even know how I'm going to do it but have never tried it. 
When my mom was diagnose with cancer those ideas became more frecuent, suicide sundendly became only alternative if she dies. If the worst becomes real I will probably going to kill myself if I don't found a way to cope with it. I even have a younger brother and I love him too, but I don't know if taking care of him is going to do it. I know is selfish but I know is going to hurt so much that I will end everything.",1.7251729323308282,3.5296939333333377,3.5548120300751904,89.26229323308272,78.71428571428571,5.754385964912281,22.00501253132832,6.5966054737557815,0.469238095238095,786,23,165,7,19,264,108,210,0.205,0.6970000000000001,0.097,-0.9817,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,8,0,25,6,0,2,2,40,45,18,4,6,13,4,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,11,1,0,7,10,4,0,0,8,2,32,6,14,34,4,13,0,1,0,1,10,2,0,7,3,118,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701318077907582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918891725046004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287657704581366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887245278868633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833756797407477,0.1210032113913027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326515713148354,0.0,0.0,0.15401471639575906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047846121610096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895199107727321,0.0,0.1119457926151097,0.0,0.10656220332931844,0.0,0.0,0.1278361834343071,0.09007803703992552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313072007997473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481324268981438,0.2632344446605231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363157549329476,0.1289908384529824,0.0,0.320377247987218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470356139726322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522806929771694,0.0,0.07782550122453276,0.11820513133836533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40965045439438896,0.0,0.0,0.08570791398368954,0.0,0.08992228625667012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773456541629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180289930677627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570498452802653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270625930048907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289081626548246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975756715159751,0.0,0.13051425242464995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25506359984718235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766203851810113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745798262686455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915774091603946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925446318685948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,otyorty,2019/01/07,Bored How can I not to be the asshole who is very ungrateful. I have everything yet I am bored to death. Millions of people would kill to be at my spot yet I am a spoiled dick who is bored to death. Help,-0.2238636363636317,1.8173825227272749,1.5192727272727282,99.84390909090912,87.4090909090909,5.3381818181818215,20.163636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.05135999999999985,157,5,39,2,5,51,30,44,0.4370000000000001,0.516,0.046,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,9,1,1,1,0,3,9,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44132784721739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32914327601136145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432787111694202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404351494075105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051711383303763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488308111807493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plsthrowaway97,2019/01/07,"I wish I could be normal First time posting so sorry if it’s jumbled. 

21. F. I’ve struggled with depression for so long I don’t even know what it’s like to behave like a normal person. It all started in high school when I was emotionally, physically, and sexual abused. These past two months have seemingly been the worst I’ve had to deal with and it feels like everything is just piling on. I wish I was just able to completely simple tasks the way I used to. I feel like I’m letting myself waste away by isolating myself in bed but I can’t convince myself to do otherwise. I’ve had one of my best friends tell me that I’m crazy and that things are “that simple” and it’s “really ridiculous that you have been putting some off for this long.” He knows about my depression and just can’t seem to grasp why I can’t function normally. My brain won’t stop running nonstop unless I’m drunk or high and I’m tired of it. I was planning to kill myself New Year’s Day and am quite honestly disappointed I didn’t succeed then.",2.6896047008547015,4.53625499038462,3.893589743589746,87.72918803418806,76.01923076923076,7.314529914529915,24.055555555555557,8.167268648758528,1.3238677350427357,810,26,169,14,18,264,127,208,0.195,0.6659999999999999,0.139,-0.9305,0,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,1,0,5,8,16,2,1,3,0,22,3,1,1,1,33,36,15,1,7,7,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,1,1,14,9,1,1,7,1,0,2,6,7,0,3,8,2,21,9,21,24,4,24,0,3,0,0,6,7,0,5,17,106,35,2,0.12037030162607805,0.14261912432952029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309186072572938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632120529911028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437306546354955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620597111411833,0.0,0.0,0.09610589122783623,0.0,0.0,0.0776288865622217,0.1240964955342787,0.2073495288204205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540038792966788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950344898467268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818106557966477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217256824500682,0.17198513506558732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023869170719449,0.0,0.0,0.09299779644486457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543556649122023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317190440535367,0.0,0.13230473963670128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308678875011173,0.0,0.2352273969428603,0.0,0.0,0.21304785821317213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607842635827173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625438738529167,0.0,0.0,0.35381201567586296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156603158972175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490707308561987,0.0,0.10510270448091964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528147553317188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100539963460324,0.0,0.12802863245262913,0.0,0.0,0.07711229747939367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218211715092937,0.0,0.21916120361603564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347446978086514,0.08519871903348046,0.0,0.0,0.10063496198471968,0.0,0.12583717445402495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520894915699876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996867980338222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018889087049003,0.13834795453248538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175842941997773,0.0,0.0,0.10396129295350467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554434265442363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861547481479157,0.0,0.2768398128289241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751452775183433
suicidewatch,Thejackpot1,2019/01/07,"the blade I was doing so well I had gone a month without cutting but today I couldn't take anymore and opened the little box, took out the blade, put it to my thigh and struck again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. a total of nine times and they were deep. the release of the blood was satisfying and it helped so much. I then put my trousers on and went to school I told the counsellor who was one of the fake ones who don't actually help they just sort out bullying incidents and thats about it. I spoke to him many times because i was getting bullied and still am. I feel like I'm going to leave this earth very soon. the counsellor told my parent and then just sent me to class like nothing happened. I can't put up with this shit anymore. I'm sorry",2.532129870129868,4.2460066848484885,3.0233982683982714,94.37795454545456,76.0909090909091,6.1688311688311686,22.08874458874459,6.868970318607317,0.3213290043290038,633,17,142,6,14,196,93,165,0.16399999999999998,0.76,0.076,-0.9559,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,17,6,2,0,10,0,11,3,3,0,1,28,25,21,0,1,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,20,0,0,1,0,0,8,4,3,1,3,13,2,16,3,15,11,2,32,0,0,0,0,12,7,1,1,19,100,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.1496409602904161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30415073774235485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934766645971687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753499004855331,0.10954849845495314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011555569335897,0.0,0.08714854256016978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560099146120355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556559012917267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623684348636178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983160097371512,0.15369029138614235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546605830487953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239717505178115,0.0,0.11272498411626185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713705124229612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781880439087305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170269609913229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624571709592378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519162645977674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740471438806936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716552923492483,0.0,0.0,0.12246017344203562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529509283626475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788314461048853,0.0,0.14535153740617798,0.29305222730731023,0.17037007076414346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265242984202987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787406048184744,0.1421507939307268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781748842099715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cattlebell,2019/01/07,I’m tired of living I’m too tired and drained to even fully vent. I fucked myself over and I’m told I’m a terrible immature person. I believe it and I’ve tried to change only to be punched back down. I wish I had a gun in my household ,-0.6616352201257847,1.2627602264151,2.1040566037735857,95.71067610062893,88.24528301886794,5.0427672955974865,20.154088050314463,6.42735559955562,0.08570691823899379,184,6,44,2,6,64,36,53,0.329,0.623,0.048,-0.9411,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,7,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283289591005466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29719318599013256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790475081473971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422622773630164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438631945900735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329252805969063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061890872059304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303251992265667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6063596621544115,0.0,0.2520560243754432,0.0,0.17909138709174433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30333750857592323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KassandraSavage,2019/01/07,"I was wondering.(Ramble) I can’t deny the heavy, cold ache in my stomach, the hot tears that keep me awake at night, the nightmares when I do finally fall asleep, the feeling that I’ll never belong.  
I can’t run from it. 

I was wondering, does anyone else have a buildup when the suicidal thoughts hit?
Like, it will start small.. an escape if things get worse. Then, the feelings will escalate and push down like a demand.
“You NEED to start planning.”
Suddenly, it’s overwhelming and hits you like a train. 
“GET IT OVER WITH! DO IT!!”
All consuming, and the only thing you can focus on. You need to get out. To finally be done.

But, just as quickly as it comes, it starts to slow down and become the safe escape that you can use if you’re feeling trapped again. Back to the “idea” stage. 
Each time it happens for me, it gets harder and harder to even myself out to the “escape route” feeling.

What’s it like for you?

",2.169219725343325,4.495397769662922,2.8509363295880163,92.2359800249688,79.73033707865169,5.9780274656679175,21.68664169787765,7.1686216300943375,0.6048267166042454,705,21,146,9,18,220,108,178,0.103,0.772,0.125,-0.4829,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,6,0,1,8,6,0,1,14,0,13,2,2,1,2,28,34,13,1,4,4,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,2,7,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,6,15,5,21,25,2,30,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,3,20,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647289485018348,0.15602178986169554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708861772633165,0.0,0.0,0.16817367988944476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116979592299555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325521946995805,0.15582825349527166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272046391428643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005749490771106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079754267302885,0.1087839359307303,0.0,0.3336154847860358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182256480196297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346546029868665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189779968196994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534733137106714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975717880318681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258171543566319,0.11744240515201824,0.0,0.0,0.1428979928509273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158105572888727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233390602920632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656206086265446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232696824359145,0.0,0.0,0.12088783551359125,0.08879167149640697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315150710858479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651336857636914,0.0,0.0,0.15517930204195535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notathrowawaylife,2019/01/07,"Worth more dead than alive I am trying my best to continue living but I am finding it very hard. I fear I am going to end my life in February. I'm losing my job and my boss is letting me stay until Feb when my stocks vest. I feel like that's the only thing I'm holding on to. I should be looking for work but I emotionally can't. My wife left me months ago, she's going to get full custody of our daughter because I can't even take care of myself right now. Even if she came back, she would leave me again because I'm a mess. 

My mom came up to live with me until I get my shit together but I fear I'm not going to. I fear that once my stocks vest, I'm just going to walk out into the snow and kill myself. Transfer that stock to my daughter's college fund. I looked at my life insurance policy that I got 7 years ago and it's only void if suicide happens within 2 years so I can give my daughter the full amount. This is how fucking deep in my rabbit hole I am. I am thinking about how much money I am worth dead. 

I want to see her grow up but I can't even get myself out of bed. I tired dog sitting this weekend, thinking if I was forced to take care of an animal I would have something to do. But I found out I'm so emotionally broken right now and pushed everything off on my mom. 

Everyday I am having intense suicidal thoughts and I am calling the crisis line numerous times a day. If I stop to think, all I can think about is everything I lost. I don't get to see my wife in bed anymore, my daughter is gone, our dog is gone and it's all my fault. I feel guilt for destroying my family. I feel like a failure for losing my job and my family.

I was told I need to get a goal or something to work towards but I can't think of anything. I just keep telling myself ""Don't kill yourself, make it to another 24 hours"" thinking the next day would be better, but it's not. Every passing day is getting worse than the last. The only relief I got last night was when I took my sleeping pills to sleep. 

When my wife first left me, I was able to take care of myself and be social. But with every passing day, it is getting so so so much worse. I barely get out of my apartment now, barely get out of bed.

I'm becoming a burden to everyone that is helping me. My parents are scared sick but I think it would be better if I just died so they can move on from this failure.

How do I get out of this darkness? I want to live but find it so hard to move forward.",1.572651948051945,2.9877611980952423,3.4481709956709965,91.59277597402595,77.97142857142858,6.220346320346321,22.97943722943723,6.883109765328512,0.5686476190476188,1899,58,431,19,44,640,214,525,0.256,0.6859999999999999,0.057,-0.9991,3,0,2,0,0,3,46.0,2,0,1,10,27,25,5,5,13,0,44,9,3,5,2,72,104,39,7,13,21,10,5,2,0,5,5,0,3,0,18,19,0,3,14,1,4,17,8,16,0,1,15,9,85,9,61,79,9,77,0,3,4,1,23,28,2,6,34,280,103,11,0.06277022939722217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128404204343427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658200585601112,0.0,0.0,0.06225120069825452,0.0,0.0,0.051654550423751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826643183143529,0.0,0.07652829845668249,0.06932478676277062,0.0,0.0,0.06587348313698085,0.11103033386651433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409542234693963,0.1435848405010168,0.19199529686087788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619264204387742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514558797316196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121611885994986,0.055595792054780026,0.0,0.0,0.12437743355019762,0.0,0.10577325104990903,0.059979644148130735,0.1128276694689337,0.0,0.11834837173669142,0.21190187770328767,0.09521554205280207,0.08968612884692083,0.0,0.0,0.11474170498094828,0.05339232505909065,0.0,0.06882431663025687,0.0,0.05803006561173073,0.3279485411437138,0.06021492372309279,0.14269507162778192,0.0,0.1004061732370828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550750655409754,0.0,0.11245959242071207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04207356162530932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181603185642665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245795341429125,0.05579306400607693,0.13889191728963782,0.0,0.0,0.10233222957930392,0.0,0.06646460962602486,0.13640007580658875,0.06418681237181574,0.0886729387189612,0.061332726873452925,0.0,0.16628178768498092,0.0,0.10542236721484546,0.14044766138527273,0.06852112034002482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189961554146518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703146805305148,0.050102598241942575,0.13342963999263996,0.09228668208424043,0.04654332973935155,0.0,0.0,0.06675685107667229,0.05890560811733905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684824570937059,0.0,0.14321876397436134,0.0,0.0,0.06969891138979069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072108658690424,0.0,0.0,0.06284394998167399,0.0,0.10003949188117944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644327384438142,0.0,0.0,0.12563112261239448,0.06398634402908389,0.0,0.09664717853185296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669047126926636,0.0,0.05247872244089356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732088588014382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158620196583,0.0,0.05486394720302632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04170175124628757,0.2815443991287482,0.0,0.04983255063873165,0.036601825546333504,0.07214514481833921,0.0,0.059979644148130735,0.0697400344765799,0.04261686541464189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179201308293287,0.07404701523809339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139494918200346,0.0,0.12793645273298598,0.17836067999169194,0.0,0.0,0.08084393945800099
suicidewatch,sparklingvagina,2019/01/07,"I fucked up my life and don't know what to do anymore. I 19F have not been myself for the past 5/6 months. I had a good relationship with a loving boyfriend but I've had doubts about it for months. After a few months I started cheating. First it was only kissing which happened 3 times with different boys, then i had sex with my roommate. All the times I was really really drunk and didn't think. I broke up with my boyfriend because I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Then I had sex with another boy but I still loved my ex. My ex found out and was really angry but we still wanted to make things work. Then he found out that I cheated on him with my (ex)roommate and know we are really done. I don't blame him. 
I hurt him a lot and I truly hate myself for it. 
I know I will never get anyone as good as him and I have almost no friends left. 

I would love to make things sort of okay again with my friends and ex but I don't know how. I know I lied too much and what I did was the worst I could have done. 

I really want to die but I'm too pussy to do it myself. What can I do?  ",0.1091845493562218,2.096164175965665,1.8705510729613728,98.25159484978542,85.3519313304721,5.273064377682403,16.18695278969957,6.55674776486733,-0.5275972875536481,835,16,203,9,25,273,112,233,0.173,0.643,0.185,0.0706,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,0,0,2,7,17,4,1,7,1,28,9,0,3,2,47,50,19,1,5,6,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,11,19,1,0,8,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,15,0,43,9,26,31,5,23,0,2,0,7,20,6,1,4,16,146,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615269415858777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163134995241967,0.0,0.0,0.11503632392202658,0.08110672020149938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070975364103536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261293336534787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203849705083948,0.12119056365015014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237407249488484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866567602799516,0.0,0.25436606178786025,0.179235603878939,0.10723593039249904,0.06060283847637034,0.0,0.0,0.19458297106129369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257439908689532,0.0,0.0,0.11452149866327213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417553523997145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187403466985514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126029402866728,0.0,0.08193102130701914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861518906493072,0.3140712847222376,0.0,0.15485573584355022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777594001101832,0.0,0.08527000712316732,0.0,0.08946284693262903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821977161065349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073078837235052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715482982816078,0.0,0.0,0.1245357101748105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210218112389041,0.0,0.18526824276926704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138514167270132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412445416874415,0.07432520482295152,0.0,0.0,0.1352757669717875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368342511444504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444607381872478,0.0,0.0,0.08239984421317556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deputydopey,2019/01/07,"what to do? My girlfriend is angry, upset, and will probably not forgive me at least for a while. I feel like i ruined half of her life. I’m so depressed that I push her and everyone else away. Currently I’m at a bad spot. Stuck and isolated. Hopeless. Biggest issue for me is that, without my girlfriend, I wouldn’t have made it this far in such a progressive way. But my depressed mind tells me to isolate myself. I need help. I think of suicidal things at least once per day for the past week or two, right upon waking up in the morning. ",1.7957575757575768,4.051763962962967,3.2076094276094302,89.5528787878788,80.66666666666667,6.149494949494951,24.63299663299664,7.348242739294969,1.1894703703703702,420,16,85,6,11,137,78,108,0.294,0.6629999999999999,0.042,-0.9837,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,5,0,6,2,1,1,0,14,13,7,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,2,1,15,2,16,9,2,18,0,4,0,0,7,11,0,1,6,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200365983840348,0.0,0.17806425300391865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753587685848032,0.0,0.3673632397091166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815242647988933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037802831488375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783130618876108,0.15235389431297774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294453431419366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258935946651293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063274229472548,0.1041886845618445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017929706632849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153330893299588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813052991029386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711629307129094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035820137830393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299317194957426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821239598343497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23327321630814485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639975035670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168131200951295,0.13664921107408656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832527328070768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927687009024098,0.17106532753662368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055762545915951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mmscomic,2019/01/07,please someone can i please call someone please im sorry please someone i need to talk to someone,1.5682456140350889,4.28478757894737,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,94.26315789473685,2.533333333333333,27.385964912280702,3.1291,0.5049859649122803,80,4,14,0,3,24,10,19,0.06,0.512,0.428,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156315599125738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814861483722864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458176025742605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7377246040772322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5694377613644941,0.0,0.0,0.18808019434219564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350449237622786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,femoidgains,2019/01/07,"F/21/5 months pregnant \-Please do not argue with me about ethics, save that for a different discussion please.

I'm 21 and I'm considering either running away and cutting all contact or just completely offing myself after giving birth. I got pregnant despite being on birth-control and taking plan B. I wanted to get an abortion as I have no education or job (the only work experience I have is from working at fast food) My parents however forced me to not get it terminated, even to go so far as to blackmailing me using my boyfriend. I thought giving it up for adoption while isn't my first choice as so many children are in need of homes anyway. My parents are guilt tripping me and constantly badgering me to get health care for when the baby's born. I can't stand it anymore and I just want be happy with myself. My whole family hates me and the only reason I can see myself not ending it is because my boyfriend.

Anyway, sorry I just need to get it out.",5.8311981981981935,6.689348475675676,6.496013513513514,75.94816441441444,66.94594594594594,8.761261261261259,32.17342342342342,8.841846274778883,2.7626126126126134,768,31,134,12,12,252,119,185,0.069,0.8220000000000001,0.109,0.8194,5,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,10,7,3,1,5,0,12,2,0,2,1,27,32,15,0,4,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,9,1,0,2,0,0,3,6,4,0,1,2,1,24,3,25,28,3,21,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,2,10,98,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627613961874901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910343773850266,0.0,0.0,0.0837653006551613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010106143965925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407424751348086,0.14849394703244195,0.154119648752808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356667189449776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170656686601987,0.0,0.0,0.09075956934585766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441565771453254,0.12954014580873124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688288519270733,0.1661595739610901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871691513055034,0.2636369181759605,0.07809461217589111,0.0,0.10990121900592233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627801486270187,0.0,0.1356662592222854,0.0,0.1460629154549759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783580332668652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636056652778972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931456766992426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968123661384252,0.0,0.0,0.20377905102990854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901658716591875,0.0,0.0,0.30516033340048504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30167501933998475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128279446213432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094998619309408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382188950203415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331699528554823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090900665726852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868016164830385,0.0,0.0,0.16209874305638872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341599525250982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000756726853688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomuser6661,2019/01/07,"I will kill myself in one week I am unable to attract a woman. I'm an incel. Constant rejection and loneliness is killing me.
I can't take this anymore. All around me are guys in relationships with women, kissing, hugging, having sex and I can't even make a female friend. 

I will give myself one week. One week. If I don't find a girlfriend in that time, I'll kill myself. 

And please don't tell me there is more to life than just girls and relationships, I have to work 10 hours every day and for what, just so I can rot 2 days a week watching movies and shows full of people in relationships, or maybe playing shitty videogames that are taking money from my wallet? ",3.302954545454547,5.1193603560606125,4.108181818181818,86.98227272727274,74.22727272727272,6.315151515151516,23.363636363636363,6.980632752743323,0.7618545454545451,525,15,104,5,11,168,88,132,0.168,0.716,0.116,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,3,0,5,0,14,4,0,1,1,15,19,9,3,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,4,0,3,0,1,15,5,13,17,3,15,0,1,1,3,11,6,0,2,9,70,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570275547148186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181144630700322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478691562551883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649347474988916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037769693281973,0.0,0.11528871300189987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506397755189905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571776155439998,0.0,0.0,0.13126383070644787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548736856406918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475412138460502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541602975727701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665004036021982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133788936430873,0.0,0.13746834315208226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781671805628153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486360351229857,0.0,0.0,0.15020285831356278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440726158029214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576457458373812,0.0,0.1195991198239061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978912095205905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390405580826456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996169254653564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exagagaidi,2019/01/07,"im only 14 someone talk some sense into me. i cant take it anymore no ones taking me seriously becayse im literally a kid im so tired all the time and im ruining my life because im so fucking scared of failure and being yelled at but i wont do anything to change it and i actively avoid responsibilities .

i just want it to stop i want to stop fucking hurting",-1.16,0.8274363333333348,2.78589743589744,85.77576923076926,102.33333333333334,4.964102564102563,23.948717948717945,6.67199483983844,1.1811487179487177,286,14,60,5,13,106,53,78,0.29100000000000004,0.637,0.07200000000000001,-0.9421,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,2,2,0,4,4,0,0,1,13,10,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,8,0,6,8,2,5,0,2,0,2,2,2,2,1,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418236945525379,0.0,0.0,0.11768189367232786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871752343987344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128156678973104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644138011112321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530910635905634,0.0,0.7723560223576614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100948764757306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690468237881383,0.10876263701615302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431741246225602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211686644662112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391191244018332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150456862434874,0.1149429431304792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338804823236176,0.1643645563040786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869748942768475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greendaypascalhens,2019/01/07,"How do I ""get it together"" and keep going to work? I'd rather die than work for the rest of my life. Seriously, I feel like a slave when I'm in work. I've changed jobs so many times and even if I like a job at first, then after few weeks I hate it. Also I'm bad at every job, because I'm too dumb, I have big problems with concentration and none of the medications nor therapy helped with that. Why I have to waste my whole time and energy just so someone else can get rich? I feel like I lost my life. I don't control it. Money control me. ",1.7764102564102586,2.7791331367521366,3.8013675213675207,90.96307692307694,76.6068376068376,7.2512820512820495,22.401709401709404,7.793537801064563,0.6874888888888893,415,11,101,6,9,142,77,117,0.195,0.6990000000000001,0.106,-0.9013,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,7,9,10,2,0,4,0,5,3,0,3,0,16,16,12,1,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,3,6,0,1,1,2,13,4,12,15,4,12,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,10,59,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763704175819766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282363453862083,0.08967172838033559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561391557689125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299737522086475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526681655731112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288445408328474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715917434358916,0.0,0.12393938489853185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875790867310182,0.21017872728470693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512448772145124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370895784812014,0.0,0.08360119042410033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523230803454876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859905593467704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379267162356403,0.13075060028654642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078043243047829,0.21559913401712386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057869873913191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491378646505411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818931732678825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075629934592035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463865045116365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822342153031722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715521721927765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799597570617025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327362521841857,0.16423360685012067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212750011561593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,p4573swi,2019/01/07,"It doesnt get better because I dont want it to get better I don't know why I come here when I get 1 comment telling me to ""hang in there"" every single time for the past 5 years. My entire existence has led me to seek some sort of positive affirmation of hope left in my psyche through anonymous text posts over the internet. When I think of the loneliness I imagine my unconscious body thrashing at the cord around my neck while I dangle from the back deck support beam. Ive missed out on too many essential things growing up to be able to interact or integrate into society or even function on my own. When I wake up I feel pain that I haven't killed myself yet. When I go to sleep I feel pain that im not ending my day the way I really want to. The only day I actually look forward to is ending my life because I will finally be free from this genealogical trap that is existing. Theres too much damage inside to repair. There is not a single person on this planet that would ever benefit from my companionship. Theres too much damage. I have nothing I am nothing I deserve nothing but pain.",5.636038461538463,5.676268177272732,6.6718181818181845,77.37080419580421,67.22727272727272,9.86013986013986,31.46853146853147,9.661875296680813,2.8243566433566434,869,32,169,17,13,292,133,220,0.113,0.821,0.066,-0.7893,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,17,13,1,0,8,0,15,8,4,1,1,22,30,8,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,5,0,1,6,6,7,0,0,0,3,30,7,29,26,6,37,0,3,1,0,5,14,0,5,17,118,39,1,0.12661405860050784,0.0,0.12355705689656588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271335589371262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735839564437226,0.0,0.1543655098673313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395969129962928,0.0,0.14063967600885194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906680030940924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633111865552042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483907337074916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428494975285454,0.0,0.0,0.08362739158000908,0.1145296647958145,0.10667780519049748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280397447104238,0.0,0.0,0.1386995123505654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845185944863908,0.0,0.07195768732479407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575632892953748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676491037008928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007969640800233,0.0,0.06958377536314576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756654513718733,0.0,0.08943125401210213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632392065891827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836678255860592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615180294334802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644688120816942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629569701367896,0.40417885591746383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120867445613541,0.0,0.11055451223805833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126126878083505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111220807774812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670549775939824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436801332553788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066626795737904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411675449882801,0.08112917629959336,0.0,0.0,0.07382967577324355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493605044394429,0.10050034631776103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424949432994196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994299449499021,0.0,0.0,0.08153530253375357
suicidewatch,JustBarclay,2019/01/07,👋 I’ve used this sub reddit for what feels like a long time on various throwaway accounts but just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied to my posts. You are the reason I’ve stayed alive this long so I hope you all have a nice life. Goodbye,3.1463207547169816,4.376191886792455,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,73.52830188679245,6.809433962264151,24.57075471698113,7.1686216300943375,0.7624754716981137,202,6,45,2,4,63,43,53,0.0,0.7090000000000001,0.29100000000000004,0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,8,8,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,5,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696202520290382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267083891526142,0.2015783605142412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802529946909527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993011164464109,0.13785131199185272,0.0,0.0,0.4994133702695196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27023557386837394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29011207932536426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243885193294214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007497919390129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597791427048317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453237708701685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436995148739617,0.0,0.0,0.1664279206224248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway125445414,2019/01/07,"Breaking a promise. I made a promise to someone I cared about a while ago not to act on my suicidal thoughts. Now that they’re gone, I don’t have much obligation to keep it. I have nothing else to live for.

I’m just tired of keeping my head up and waiting for the next time I’ll be broken again. I’m tired of this neverending cycle of depression, anger, perfectionism, and trauma. I’m tired of not meeting my own expectations. I’m so fucking tired. I just lost my last anchor. My family’s a bunch of narcissistic dickwads. I’m a loser with nowhere to go in life. I might as well end my fucking disastrous life here.",2.1588440860215066,4.3337151532258105,3.760967741935485,86.50311827956993,78.91935483870971,7.036559139784948,27.268817204301072,8.07648339933343,1.8429752688172043,485,21,99,9,12,161,81,124,0.28600000000000003,0.629,0.085,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,3,0,6,0,5,9,1,1,0,14,21,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,7,1,0,4,0,12,4,18,15,3,15,0,3,0,2,1,3,2,1,8,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934617727294165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877160131456213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567767164034346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189451603703465,0.0,0.12923871280556976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755709434640584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697949145609133,0.0,0.0,0.08292771223900358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497524306821371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593945875802733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894142650510366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613028499412134,0.0,0.0,0.12884694691905976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928510172163232,0.0,0.0,0.13806972481204635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479435243820716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726542028497464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518385808050486,0.0,0.0,0.14001082160028366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236345808718558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960897287859088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584140565930345,0.08508508729008121,0.6708382276346705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119646154687625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imetitonreddit,2019/01/07,"I'm gonna kill myself in 5 days Saturday i decided that in 7 days i was going to kill myself. I hate living, its hard for me to get up in the morning, and I have no friends. I'm looking for reasons to live but all I'm seeing are examples about how horrible this world is. I will update if I find any hope and decide not to, but it's not likely",1.2575757575757578,2.2059062077922107,4.126688311688317,88.333841991342,77.83116883116884,7.2112554112554115,23.222943722943725,7.793537801064563,0.9904735930735926,266,8,62,4,6,96,55,77,0.201,0.723,0.076,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,14,15,6,2,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,9,3,11,12,1,10,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223984155300925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077235290875113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805411553333268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843232035566936,0.0,0.124646098106025,0.0,0.1355882224337172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137172091229526,0.23554437905077766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369597708495369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278979283835717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655616860372467,0.0,0.4213339070157072,0.0,0.20034372893692168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24529583319325104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011416053279492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TaxationIsMemes,2019/01/07,"I could kill myself on the same couch my spirit died on To give context, I'm a child sexual abuse survivor that has been battling depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 10. I'm also a recovering self harm addict (I'll be 20 months clean on the 20th) and I'm currently 19yo.

A year and a half ago, I was 17 and dating a man 7 years older than me. During that time, I had surgery and was knocked out on pain meds post-surgery for almost 2 weeks afterward. He sexually assaulted me on the couch multiple times a day for the entire length of time I was on the meds. I was semi-concious for some of it, and knocked TF out for most of it. The memories from when I was concious won't leave my head. They're always there. Always putting a damper on every part of my life.

I don't want to live this way. I literally just got the memories of my CSA out of my head less than 6 months before the assaults, and now I'm right back to where I was. Suicidal, fighting thoughts and memories I can't escape, and feeling like a worthless whore. I know my parents and best friend care about me and want to help, but I don't want to fight it anymore. I'm done trying to be strong. I'm done trying to be a functioning adult and preparing for the future when I can't get the past out of my head.

 I want to put a bullet in my head and forget.",3.4582101463043924,4.13958396028881,4.707341820254609,87.27996769903099,72.2129963898917,8.142048261447844,26.492304769143075,8.371475516178862,1.5102895306859208,1035,33,230,16,19,343,147,277,0.157,0.755,0.08800000000000001,-0.9078,2,0,0,0,4,1,28.0,0,0,0,2,9,16,6,0,20,0,21,8,4,0,0,33,39,17,4,5,2,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,3,4,6,17,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,11,0,1,14,1,27,5,36,20,6,37,1,2,0,1,11,14,0,3,21,139,33,0,0.0,0.1286906294482454,0.0,0.11840602822443215,0.0,0.0,0.09628035623457254,0.0,0.10876190797326,0.0,0.0,0.08685911661010504,0.18075222160898746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077165722811995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351798093546113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242308884646007,0.0,0.11398440075289876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073990027496763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671998018455686,0.0,0.0,0.07004748011197069,0.0,0.09354966069642942,0.0,0.11272488493397202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230104611949025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151254846763504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491884334643216,0.07759434574915111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391542872004726,0.0,0.05674668494805639,0.1041930936411208,0.0,0.0,0.08686907799092558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458799688418928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728021273663113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016604563599324,0.0,0.059691785035413614,0.0,0.0,0.11500725844030438,0.0,0.0,0.07671775729440007,0.0530636440210269,0.0,0.09590874821856267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24129283770414497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733903951881664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557367244195645,0.0,0.1206037432600046,0.11761910894614795,0.1036849975973604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402283508492699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837549653767327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275633926075018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330879433678348,0.0,0.0,0.0898471818158262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237613651844656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245583965046252,0.1900022719013692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748446977226384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625499844615235,0.08621327367013974,0.08712414100358105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988857966508028
suicidewatch,ShouldHaveStayedIn16,2019/01/07,"Decision to leave I have burned all my bridges and effed my life up so badly that there truly is no going back from  this .  I know this as a fact . I have never seen any point in life  or anything we do . Life is a continying cycle of waiting and being in pain . 
I am no longer connected to the world around me and im out of touch with reality . If i were to live longer it would be utterly pointless and i would still be hopeless and depressed . 
I should have died in 2016 but i decited to try and im still here and nothing has changed everything has just gone even more twisted and wrong . 
I have made my decision   . Im not going to live much longer i dont want to . Ive been here long enought for the sake of my family not being hurt by my actions but it has been years of the same shit that is only going to get worse and i can say with sincerity that i am done . I stayed this long because i had hoped to lose weight so i wont have to die the pathetic fat loser that i am but i have no self control . Nothing is keeping me here.
I have purchased what i need in order to leave this carousel of life .
I feel so relieved and light maybe even happy to know that soon it will be over . 
There will no longer be anything to fear . 
I dont believe in god but if there is one i pray that i will be deleted complytely , i dont want any form of afterlife .  I am done ",0.8610627177700358,2.7423329547038326,2.592168989547041,94.73438588850176,81.82229965156796,5.911846689895471,21.748257839721255,7.021680442328713,0.42653519163763104,1046,33,244,13,28,345,144,287,0.189,0.727,0.084,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,3,17,14,1,1,6,0,45,8,2,2,3,45,61,21,2,9,10,0,3,0,0,7,6,1,0,1,14,15,2,3,5,0,1,5,11,10,0,1,9,6,34,4,33,38,5,26,1,5,1,0,3,11,1,4,8,177,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353740558628165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381719974538012,0.0886070101152544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765360615808534,0.0831073399434716,0.06067544607206575,0.0,0.0,0.1121415531849302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529454392360314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163666056716444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572911499695762,0.0,0.2066026653989168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037171680244175,0.3499618782097635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148349763677916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945539509380482,0.0,0.09383248277878542,0.11200424080540544,0.050327748937799004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200278700523101,0.0,0.16970363835154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595656832736294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886044312285763,0.0,0.0,0.10655398447817964,0.0,0.3225437580263817,0.0,0.0,0.08847103919897567,0.0,0.0,0.1094033664169124,0.0,0.0,0.2107858096098897,0.0,0.0,0.28121728666628226,0.0,0.0,0.17578197599079556,0.17617020342911735,0.0,0.111353900141311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941821658654168,0.0,0.0,0.09999601220976162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316947736844985,0.07380373928509325,0.0767673180148662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101251111874007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744730737301853,0.07570064551527103,0.10591196784292947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409249001045343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915401038640403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383642856157882,0.0,0.10217096748691107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609077606105556,0.15897712400583675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757754638149269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174163223404074,0.0,0.0,0.12120648335521493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143439087235902,0.1414132293342253,0.10882559936253464,0.0,0.06409710117380715
suicidewatch,stuckinapit,2019/01/07,"I wish I was never born I’m in my early twenties, and I’m going on my 10th year of depression. I know life gets better, and I just gotta push through, but I’m tired of trying. How am I supposed to get better when I don’t care to help myself anymore? I almost committed suicide 3 times the last couple months of 2018, I didn’t plan on making it to 2019. And I still have a strong desire to kill myself, but part of me still wants to live because I booked a trip in May to Korea, and I planned to propose to my boyfriend this year. I already have everything planned out. I know how I’m going to say goodbye to everyone, who I would give my belongings to, where and how I want to end it all. I just need to do it. I’m tired of convincing myself each day not to kill myself, yet be uncertain if I will be alive tomorrow. I’m tired of feeling perpetual pain. I’m tired of my childhood trauma hurting me everyday. It was because of my mom that I feel like I will never be good enough, that I feel like a failure, that I feel unwanted, and that I’m replaceable. These deep insecurities invade every aspect of my life. I just want to die.",2.343238180196252,3.7420373559322053,4.204210526315791,87.04373327386264,75.86440677966101,7.171810883140052,25.132917038358606,7.85451343220497,1.2976474576271189,880,30,189,13,19,299,124,236,0.25,0.594,0.156,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,6,12,16,2,2,4,0,15,7,0,4,4,40,42,13,4,9,7,1,4,2,0,5,7,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,6,1,0,4,5,8,0,0,3,5,35,8,30,31,4,29,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,4,20,122,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123370905186832,0.0,0.12379895711271788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125739292556742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677389152044025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843706375273312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438010267599863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413058871662815,0.0,0.0723500558290937,0.0,0.09662479168929844,0.0,0.11643033704087935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936262774478878,0.11591711262624105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945207162357945,0.10719759236244583,0.10082466052203534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268964637033155,0.16028999866945084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722408336588384,0.10761809175563497,0.12751466216361082,0.09409547058659733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519525286291168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009638212448855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482322018330472,0.0,0.12330790409439428,0.091445762873239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847919195551916,0.10961586630324373,0.0,0.09906142629284488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488437070190858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138973730718767,0.08954501112702147,0.0,0.0,0.08318376941796847,0.17304800386650004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937276887309417,0.0,0.0,0.12148544223459933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921402915719212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918220071410842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271220141849044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541598621270737,0.5157607008181605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616626326093955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850889083833434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900723429695474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969301810134992,0.0,0.0,0.14448694703139756
suicidewatch,Neither_Map,2019/01/07,"Found my old suicide note Is it fucked up that I want to share it? Today was horrible and honestly I'm worse than last time. I won't do anything though, 'cause I'm a coward. 

But fuck, after reading it I wish I had succeeded. It tied off everything nicely.

I don't know if I'm allowed to share it, but if someone could let me know that would be nice.",1.1681467181467156,3.0128245405405423,3.0436679536679527,92.0698648648649,80.62162162162161,6.390733590733591,22.73359073359073,7.447530270364453,0.8203806949806944,272,9,61,4,7,91,53,74,0.17800000000000002,0.622,0.2,-0.0644,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,2,0,1,0,10,2,0,2,0,14,20,6,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,6,6,12,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,2,5,37,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332296522110267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22884894667182326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786588792154853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021375422252102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425878650515465,0.0,0.41189957564807705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448601193023969,0.18158949802357352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780019718613864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376249284658726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228330031851628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887546008027057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367719571479865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188730640849092,0.0,0.1299005631955727,0.0,0.2111624882721236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139712075567525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561776312136723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270244313664215,0.15825134700956886,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,njd102201,2019/01/07,"I lost another family member to suicide on Saturday This is my blog. I don't feel like retyping it all. Kind words only please
https://njd102201.blogspot.com/2019/01/another-family-member-lost-to-depression.html?m=1",16.058076923076918,22.38930057692308,9.637307692307692,37.545192307692325,62.46153846153846,10.292307692307693,25.73076923076923,9.516144504307137,4.163338461538461,189,5,18,5,4,50,25,26,0.273,0.552,0.175,-0.4956,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049491131994919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27415830218950576,0.0,0.14704684127708292,0.2077611753656093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30284327055052584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207948974312276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6349266573211307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118097949134294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192319670434629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31810882038850424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raspberr_,2019/01/07,"I really need someone to talk to I'm completely freaking out. I've been trying to handle it and now it's all hitting me at once. The guy I was dating ghosted me. My last therapist was not that great and I am in the process of getting a new one that specializes in DBT / BPD. But he doesn't have any space to see me individually yet. And he said he can't talk to me when I want to hurt myself until I've seen him 3 times and have made a commitment to not hurt myself. I don't even know when I will see him, and I am feeling so incredibly bad. I have reached out to my friends and they just shrug their shoulders, tell me to talk to a professional but the new therapist won't help yet. I scheduled an appointment with old therapist but that isn't until Saturday. I feel like I can't make it until then. 

I really need help. I need to talk to someone. Everything is weighing and crashing on me. I don't know what I am supposed to do, I don't know how anyone is supposed to get through this. I've been doing everything I can. Please someone talk to me.",2.2365656565656558,3.6942268181818174,4.141212121212123,87.14126262626263,76.27272727272728,7.616161616161617,26.31313131313132,8.344100000000001,1.6251464646464653,820,31,181,15,18,279,112,220,0.083,0.8490000000000001,0.068,-0.6275,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,2,0,9,8,0,0,7,0,24,2,1,3,2,30,43,18,1,4,6,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,8,10,1,0,5,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,7,6,32,4,27,33,1,24,0,2,3,0,18,7,0,0,18,122,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646854485993762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862630637847727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388944302736242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416244100512047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789966391022128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427089092734497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212215255265795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371424761771755,0.08033292499073535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868771013641378,0.0,0.11749895282685535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397439618024705,0.0,0.11134127018234276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074314450155227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075597322227574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539555853651005,0.091660186793882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493644792955641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064010844557091,0.07505996112683669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501364613352086,0.0,0.21720609698285925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179953355944633,0.119753526601622,0.07619772365780643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343421535818087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407422843638298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069638666692584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921310911119745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858306590869251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519075034389696,0.09828457113761792,0.0,0.0,0.3916826350221142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655693749733862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634485949411632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632478620035588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisismyaltdonttell,2019/01/07,"Does it ever get better? It seems like every day is somehow worse than the last and on the occasional good days I still know that tomorrow is going to be hell. It doesn't matter how hard I fucking try depression always wins. Some people are born to suffer and I seem to be one of them. I don't know why I haven't killed myself yet. Maybe friends, maybe family, maybe I'm just too damn scared. I don't even know why the fuck I'm posting this. I don't care about myself anymore. I used to smile, I used to be somewhat happy. But now I'm miserable. Every fucking day. I just want to die. Please someone just tell me if it's ever going to get better. I don't want to live like this anymore",0.33696078431372456,2.5923652777777804,2.2996405228758188,93.6623529411765,87.19444444444444,4.777124183006537,17.498366013071895,6.2272716619740125,-0.2501065359477121,536,13,116,5,17,178,84,144,0.207,0.5770000000000001,0.21600000000000005,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,3,13,19,6,2,3,0,12,3,0,3,2,23,32,5,2,3,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,10,0,1,0,1,15,9,12,29,2,15,1,3,0,3,3,1,5,6,13,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950404243953824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23719175973164644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211525882055229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192456212845484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313666976305981,0.0,0.10299811891970763,0.0,0.12411002901780435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464936874832613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898456041481752,0.21634239828463692,0.20151051921612664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273380368062515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239083543608796,0.3316623589280082,0.1249561304887165,0.0,0.13592547117479112,0.10030196494961853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730012697895166,0.107124394091086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323027423764824,0.0,0.1971618558903597,0.0974774837228903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684607889549226,0.0,0.10559547283139263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36041668542045735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103368133296106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290496745401713,0.0,0.0,0.1312680798423587,0.0,0.0,0.11452907748334976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197251371655774,0.0,0.0,0.21773082235629956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132372041128636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550048851225967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452229063008928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119015527863611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206565554801822,0.0,0.0,0.1410682978817778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581316639852727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186701628717506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdryBowGaming,2019/01/07,"I was recently academically dismissed from my college by the end of the Fall 2018 Semester. I was given the opportunity to appeal that decision. Down is my already submitted appeal letter. Please review it if you have the time. If I don’t have my student status reinstated, probably my life will end. *Start of the letter* :  


To Assistant Dean,  
 

I’m a student on an F-1 visa at (X) University in since the September 4, 2016. I began experiencing severe depression on the Fall 2017 semester of my sophomore year, which resulted in me not being able to cope with my classes and school work. I began seeking counseling on-campus at The Counseling Center in the College of Educational Health and Human Services at the beginning of the Fall 2017 semester to help me manage my symptoms and thoughts. The counselors I saw were Mr. (X) and Mrs. (X). December was even more difficult, and I was prescribed anti-depressants by Dr. (X) in the Health Center at the University. I also changed from my two counselors at the health center on campus to Mrs. (X) in a nearby professional mental health service until mid-April. In the spring semester, I was hospitalized by the mental health service on April 19, 2018, for 4 days at a Hospital in a close city and later diagnosed by the health center with Major Depressive Disorder by Dr. (X). Since my hospitalization, I have continued therapy with my counselor, Mrs. (X) and Case Manager, Mrs. (X) at The mental health service and two psychiatrists, Dr. (X) at an off-campus Hospital and Dr. (X) at The University Health Center.  
 

I wasn’t surprised when I received my academic dismissal e-mail from my College. It’s a natural outcome from what happened in the past 2 years. I am though severely disappointed and scared now. My academic performance was blooming in my freshman year before I began experiencing my depression. Everything came down a hill in my sophomore year when I was placed on academic probation by the end of the Fall 2017 semester. I can observe that through my obtained letter grades in my transcript. I was devasted and tarnished. I was doing my best to keep moving forward by pursuing my academic goals for me and my family. I did retake some of the classes that I started experiencing trouble with my sophomore year in my 3rd year too with the same professors which are: Professor (X), Professor (X), and Professor (X). And the other courses that I Failed with different professors. I had to meet them on a constant basis and to explain my struggle to them. They were very supportive throughout the time I was taking their courses with them. I improved in some of the courses, but not all as my diagnosis was serious and severely altering my academic and daily life performance. I remember attending all the lectures every day and taking notes of the class, but unfortunately, I was mentally absent. That’s another reason on why I struggled. It would take me hours and days to complete a simple task or assignment which always did put me behind in my school work. I began to experience anxiety too from examinations and one my past Professors, (X) observed that and recommended that I apply for student accessibility services through an email when She was tracking my performance in the course, I was taking with her. I will be getting in contact with every Professor I had while I was in good academic Standing prior to the Fall 2017 semester when I was placed on academic probation post the end of that term for a detailed explanation for my academic performance prior on being placed on academic probation.  
 

Moreover, I tried my best to be on full-time student status because of my visa Type as I’m an International student. I did withdraw from some of the courses I was taking throughout the past 3 semesters, so I can be on minimum full-time status for international students which is 12 credit hours per semester. I didn’t have any other option except for just to remain on 12 credit hours minimum each semester as I even didn’t have the option to do a complete term withdrawal because if I were to go back to my country of Citizenship which is (X), it will be seemingly impossible to come back to the University to complete my studies. I came to the University from (X) which is the country I was born and grew up in. I lost my annually renewable residency permit from The country from which I applied to the University from and where I obtained my US Visa) when I couldn’t go back there in the Summer 2017 to renew my residency there and my expired 6 months US Visa, as well to visit my family and siblings, and come back to the US again before the Fall 2017 semester because of the Executive Order 13769 which is the Mr. President’s Travel ban for several countries which my country of citizenship (X) was one of them. I remained on campus that summer working on 2 jobs and preparing for the Fall 2017 semester. I requested an incomplete grade for a course upon my hospitalization in a psychiatric unit in April 2018 and was granted that incomplete grade for BASIC PROBABILITY STATISTICS, by Professor (X).  
   
My detailed plan of action for achieving academic success in the future is to work with my Case manager, two psychiatrists, and counselor for better time management and alleviating my depressive roots and causes to help me achieve the focus I need to complete and ace my academics. My Struggle throughout the past 3 semesters was simply that I couldn’t apply myself to anything and to my schoolwork as well. Through therapy and counseling, I started to identify my weak points and how to strengthen them, so I can focus on the most important aspect of my life right now, my academics. I have an ongoing plan with my case manager right now on how to put my personal thoughts behind while I’m trying to accomplish any Task in front of me. I’m and was compliant with all my appointments and obligations throughout my time at the University. I must fix simply how to push myself to accomplish the task in front of me and to separate my mental illness from my academic life. I’m engaging too in healthy in activities to help alleviate my depression symptoms Like Volunteering and exercising, so I can better focus on my school work. If reinstated, for this upcoming semester I plan to discuss with my advisor on what classes I can take right now in which I can show my maximum potential in them. Through attending Supplemental Instruction Sessions, working with the professors in office hours instead of avoiding them as (I did occasionally before because of the shame I had), and working with the Academic Success Center resources which I was a Student Success Leader before in it too. I’m intending to apply to the Student Accessibility Services for special accommodations in the light of my diagnosis to help me achieve success. I’m also working with the Office of the Global Education with my international advisor and scholar, Ms. (X) to apply for a reduced course load for the Spring 2019 Semester to ensure the acuity of my performance in the courses I’m intending to take.  
 

Due to the political climate between my country of Citizenship (X) and the United States of America, there’s a very good chance I might not be able to finish my studies if I do not have my application for reinstatement approved. My academic future is important to my family and me, which is another reason why I am requesting to have my status reinstated. The stress induced by the loss of my status is severely affecting my mental health because of my fear of losing everything in my life due to my depression. I’m intending on pursuing a reduced course load in the Spring 2019 semester to complete my studies towards my bachelor’s degree in biology, and to hopefully apply for medical schools following my graduation.  
 

Please understand that my very Low grades are not an indication of who I am. I’m a very well motivated student and my grades do indeed matter to me, I just had very rough and challenging past 3 semesters. I hope you will grant me another chance. I’m kindly requesting from the College of Arts and Sciences to reinstate my student status as it means everything in my life right now. I will be attaching all the medical documents with my application supporting and explaining my claim. Thank you in advance for your consideration and understanding.  
 

Please let me know if you have any further questions or needed explanations. I’m also kindly requesting a physical in-person meeting to discuss further my complicated case if applicable of course.  
 

Sincerely,  
   
(My Name and Info)  


*End of the Letter.*  


I replaced all the names of people, places, countries with an (X) for confidentiality.  


I totally believe and know that if I'm not reinstated after appealing this decision, my life is going to end in some way. I've been already fighting suicidal thoughts for almost 2 years now and I just can't withstand it anymore.  


Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.",10.354953271028037,9.138562626168225,10.547900311526481,57.55512149532712,58.252336448598136,14.167476635514019,45.13831775700936,13.023866798666859,6.239173457943924,7185,381,1107,225,75,2420,508,1605,0.064,0.828,0.107,0.9971,2,1,0,0,2,0,182.0,3,6,9,42,44,55,1,8,99,0,93,28,0,15,8,165,155,89,1,16,22,0,1,1,0,8,28,0,0,8,40,77,0,3,22,5,6,30,13,25,3,5,50,6,193,30,246,86,20,210,0,12,1,0,55,95,0,25,83,808,233,103,0.07306901107019494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658402989500957,0.0,0.08063347069202283,0.08764989263059246,0.0303996353234184,0.0,0.0,0.07453414975633142,0.11492884366730888,0.027948796735010446,0.0,0.036232412376327724,0.0,0.0,0.030064785113769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237111846419433,0.0,0.11135547736587477,0.0,0.12435269326754797,0.04116187682452875,0.0766814191184294,0.06462360240138615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357148285764637,0.0,0.03753100107726632,0.0386486625535762,0.0629424830645702,0.1915286697774697,0.039480821362566525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068520093771613,0.0,0.2202698125799085,0.03708175407282404,0.0,0.038170782311056285,0.0418717085443427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415236733004915,0.0,0.0,0.0482613926816078,0.0,0.0615637932672454,0.0,0.09850457344928848,0.035737756835300116,0.10332444099229154,0.04111147592413137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01908777123598081,0.0,0.062290204300819024,0.06128681974993029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032307342587629274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34951023857978025,0.0,0.0,0.09795323578340476,0.0,0.0,0.07257401502065579,0.14391651454543347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03625485937690009,0.032473547178724665,0.0,0.07609013086724159,0.040156817564453794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03735900719811837,0.1806378119919081,0.017848913975292473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04087276652918218,0.03988172855784562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979678698502664,0.0,0.07360934140337731,0.22090913143181834,0.03875733687270299,0.0,0.0,0.02916149375860048,0.03883039752817037,0.0,0.054179745854472106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049513452942033964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438159749360144,0.025328426014786208,0.06380104206335176,0.15268312924422514,0.12031174791429687,0.034536916726457034,0.0,0.0349899572325106,0.0,0.07878075241528767,0.0,0.0,0.07345453792182438,0.04092700751369272,0.0,0.036544392291155504,0.0,0.0,0.07512711300676912,0.03607341666032009,0.0,0.041386472795050866,0.12480107242330578,0.0,0.0,0.036577413536654405,0.14789948034271988,0.0,0.033259641699086614,0.0,0.20636796060552906,0.0,0.06044344103159122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757793317942999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418501526532449,0.11458139303064388,0.0,0.03996281926519947,0.08291784785550067,0.0,0.07594668012658383,0.21975521109663526,0.0,0.0,0.06727212826219325,0.08356078218622665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035894966192416874,0.08701294935299382,0.1065178199011306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960906214080653,0.0,0.10706670970952177,0.07606741744115239,0.13183953535110854,0.0,0.0,0.15072396634701385,0.0,0.028999389952505044,0.0,0.0,0.09854672428134094,0.0,0.06593341733320929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127804412272945,0.0,0.0,0.02595306450596064,0.0,0.0,0.1646891661365101
suicidewatch,buriedmyvoice,2019/01/07,"making it easier but by bit think my father just made it a bit easier, me wanting to kill myself. mother too. one called me crazy and the other compares me to a much a successful individual, basically called me a failure. useless and she’s right. she’s totally right. gotta wait a little bit longer, just a tiny bit. i’m still hesitate, afraid to die, of the pain. it’ll hurt i mean, of course it will.  but, it’s gonna happen one day and it will be in the most casual way possible like oops, they dead, bye i guess lmao


yeah, i’ll go binge eat for now though—ew. just wanted to let it out¿ so i won’t have a mental breakdown just yet or something, yeah.",-0.36171439628482815,1.8989491985294151,2.125108359133126,92.57561919504644,93.77941176470587,5.510216718266253,15.981424148606813,7.0608816371341465,0.053785294117646654,505,12,112,9,19,172,92,136,0.244,0.591,0.165,-0.9528,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,1,9,8,1,1,10,2,7,2,0,2,1,20,20,7,3,2,7,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,3,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,12,3,9,11,7,10,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,3,6,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262400694721717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292863017619712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924837109765958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488307025668705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467380841110579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149979309397698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797566410404013,0.0,0.12681167605064647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351693881167164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586552694834258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664029718729027,0.0,0.07005994661279688,0.14372847302495645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356923240845372,0.09572327785094294,0.0,0.0,0.15620898702247954,0.0,0.0,0.14451749441466055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054184339991019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434851187786556,0.0,0.15259195764843828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166645352743853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449324503244273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103993987123675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452261282381902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918874873292846,0.14089369350930872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916677926685242,0.11382741351594698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,osira_rose,2019/01/07,"I’m sitting next to my history teacher in class and she doesn’t realize I’m going to try and kill myself tonight. I’m so sorry. Honestly I doubt my choice is gonna change today; it could, but I don’t want it to. I feel guilty, but I just want everything to stop. I don’t think I’m afraid anymore. I want to sleep.",-0.4618478260869559,1.561303304347831,2.138967391304348,95.08932065217392,88.42028985507245,5.7688405797101465,20.219202898550726,7.1686216300943375,0.4439115942028993,244,8,58,4,8,84,44,69,0.194,0.7070000000000001,0.1,-0.7971,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,14,16,5,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,6,14,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,29,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26192587230891423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793930624263976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210870119382886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736478505434624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335418092599434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009963940879356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921982723601185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808836818362596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643004553350104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29564920682917983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080755067867872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923084330290145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034513155647875,0.0,0.0,0.1793131622136673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46733626437472603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tic-Tac-No,2019/01/07,"Suicide Recovery Hey everyone,

A couple month ago, I attempted suicide. I was pretty “lucky,” to survive. It wasn’t my first time either. 

However, although I’m still suicidal, I don’t have the urge as I used too, or at least, not enough to follow through with it again yet. 

Anyways, I’ve always struggled with my depression for years... I was curious, since this last attempt, I haven’t felt the “same.” Everything is amplified by 1000. I don’t feel normal. I don’t get excited for anything. Nothing.

What steps did you take to start feeling like yourself again? Not necessarily happy, or whatever. But what’d  you do to even get back to normal? I feel like I’m not the same, at all.  When I was depressed before, I semi-liked myself, even through the attempts, but now... now everything is just so... terrible. I’ve been doing everything I can to keep busy, but with everything being amplified, it’s crippling these days.

Thank you for any help you’re able to provide.",2.9277987787147453,5.55482850276243,4.09763884850247,82.65197731898809,78.88950276243094,7.56743239313754,28.310846176214017,8.532816995589336,2.5145403314917125,753,34,136,17,19,245,112,181,0.118,0.7759999999999999,0.106,-0.6198,1,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,3,0,5,14,10,0,1,5,0,17,0,0,1,1,25,31,9,3,2,10,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,7,4,18,6,19,23,6,20,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,3,18,95,24,0,0.12878648824821565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416145129999256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716067509298564,0.0,0.0,0.08757922828564624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598030650832167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902885994738016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958781592616612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424997996884951,0.0,0.08305663067975294,0.0,0.2218472272309966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307086915874228,0.0,0.17012452174729625,0.0,0.0,0.12306100854487614,0.4629799657471835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535495417790105,0.18401018587456472,0.12365522513660232,0.0,0.0,0.1095457211133242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345712492868265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370956115152437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632286837011725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447134813671002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497817682590743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583714580256922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279614622495796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523668290453973,0.12357410886495865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102215812671508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065335139217722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115573924250428,0.0,0.10284905587531384,0.0,0.0,0.1346356000615098,0.0,0.4226145457520106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968314114864394,0.0,0.0,0.11856929536857212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509643697103842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123017598491394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829342760009736
suicidewatch,Orchestrafanboy19,2019/01/07,"Why does everyone make my suicidal feelings about themselves? Several times now, I’ve expressed my feelings of no longer wanting to be alive to people I care about, yet every time it’s had the same result. The ones I express it to always go on and on about “Do you know what that would do to me?” “Okay do it, and I’ll take the kids in the car and drive off the interstate.” “We don’t need any more problems.” “Do it and I’ll say ‘forget it’ and go around and sleep with other men.” My mom, my dad, my SO, they all tell me these things. 

I don’t get it, everyone says “If you fear someone is suicidal, don’t be afraid to reach out.” Well, I did, about myself, yet look where it’s got me. They don’t care about me, they just want me around to feel better about themselves. I get it, they all have their issues as well, but what about mine? I feel like I’m wrong for feeling this way. Them telling me these things doesn’t make me not want to kill myself, it makes me want to do it even moreso. It’s like I have no right to be upset because everything needs to be okay. I need to keep pretending I’m okay so they won’t worry. I can’t do it anymore. ",0.9292964098863444,2.7479181410788414,2.303990618798487,97.2070340970594,81.28215767634855,5.519105177701607,19.19195381562331,6.498293943080001,-0.17278581995309406,876,21,208,8,23,282,126,241,0.102,0.7490000000000001,0.149,0.613,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,1,2,7,1,19,16,1,3,5,3,23,1,1,4,2,39,51,11,3,10,4,2,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,2,21,11,0,1,6,1,0,4,10,6,2,1,3,8,35,10,29,42,4,19,0,0,1,0,20,9,0,1,7,139,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532254083704993,0.0,0.0,0.07790427372253722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361207368519713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396418577425307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983430508760577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013184190107369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360174657408625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002516428631048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566535791963165,0.0,0.09652117756294193,0.2189327008679015,0.10295854018598057,0.0,0.0,0.12891109715485685,0.2896232002580005,0.08184120920403509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970504473311215,0.0,0.13021341605017914,0.0,0.09162356247194416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957017847714645,0.0,0.10182559738416523,0.12674292675796606,0.0,0.06295881252274135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193580536119978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620098582626024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294077297248909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341705043044605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25483287785242204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762836773924252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942101599069984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961780852303647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783304302842916,0.0,0.18220435672335425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941943640439182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464206472561746,0.0,0.09706574969087753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506186295225771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861343600879338,0.0,0.2002598100076731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522162587147601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360093473986182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702802470325705,0.0909318649249624,0.0,0.0,0.20600519380636886,0.0,0.10337197797615497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634056182472985,0.0,0.08137966212082295,0.1252526450023684,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shybie,2019/01/07,"I didn't think I'd be here but here I am The thoughts are not going away, I keep cutting to feel better I'm almost to the edge. Help me",-2.7753124999999983,-1.1305554062499985,0.18100000000000094,105.164,103.0625,2.5600000000000005,12.65,3.1291,-1.855545,105,2,28,0,5,36,25,32,0.054000000000000006,0.715,0.23,0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259569451538342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996588139923111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762143255230251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150850714110274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417534391657643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851234623548395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780975741123955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725665334210133,0.0,0.33770445921889736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,199dugga1,2019/01/07,"sick to my stomach making this post NSFW im sick to my stomach making this post and am quite scared of what people will say but im forcing myself. fuck where i begin.  so when i was 16 i wanted to be a journalist and got inspired by another journalist who did a thing on pedophiles and he explored the dark web forums and would study their chat sections and all.  around this time i was on a lot of hard drugs to cope with depression, i had no fucks and no brain and decided to do  the same as him(this is where my problems begin) so went and made an account to a forum i found on there and didn't think it was illegal since im not downloading or even looking at CP just reading the chat section. i would only go on the ""chat section and would read posts, they where mainly stuff talking about shit like their problems they dealing  with and stuff like that, it was very interesting reading it. but then the post became very very VERY disturbing and disgusting,but for some reason i kept making accounts to read them (used throwaway account) i think i made may be 15 accounts, (it became an addiction and couldn't stop going back to the chat section) posts got to the point i started to breakdown and cry reading this filth, they stated  make posts about advice on how to ""rape kids"" bragging about how the kidnapped kids, drugged their daughter  and asking how to beat theyr kids without school finding out, i dont know why the fuck i ketp going back reading this smut. i couldn't stop no matter how hard i tried, it started to take my life over. this may sound stupid but i got addicted to feeling sad. litterly, i decided the only way to stop is to stop is to throw my computer out, and i did. i felt miserable knowing all this shit and how people get off to pain of children. the stuff i read made me feel horrible and i prey those kids get help. every single day since then i cant stop thinking about it,  im diagnosed wiht ptsd . friends at school started to notice i was worse then usual (knew about my  drug addiction but not this, and that says alot) i eventually got better when i turned 17, i quit using hard drugs and moved to marijuana, quit self harm and smoking cigarettes. life got better and i felt amazing until a few months ago. i found out you can get into shit for what i did even though i never downloaded or looked at images. i became paranoid and depressed,knowing if the FBI takes that forum down i might be fucked and there goes mylife, job,girlfriend and ill be known as a pedophile. that thought got stuck in my head and drives me crazy. i went back to hard drug use and even worse then before, alcoholic, self harm and i went back to smoking to make it throught the day. went to the hospital from an over dose and here i am making this post. im scared knowing everything could be gone, i started to do music and gaining attraction (4,000+ followers on soundcloud ps. wont link for obvious rreasons) and what if this gets out. i beg you all for some advice i dont want sarcastic hate comments because im not in the right mind set and already on the verge of ending this hell, please i need  help.i also haven't went back since then and im turning 18 soon,after smoking some weed it made me realize i need to reach out for support and advice.",5.530373831775704,5.99421816666667,5.5389704049844255,83.93770794392525,67.48909657320873,8.35146417445483,30.380218068535825,8.158263871857827,2.008964984423676,2581,92,509,31,40,809,294,642,0.212,0.693,0.095,-0.9983,2,0,7,0,0,0,61.0,0,2,7,7,32,32,11,4,26,0,38,29,7,19,5,131,110,61,0,14,13,1,8,2,1,8,17,3,0,7,32,43,1,6,23,11,4,14,16,22,0,0,34,13,60,10,71,60,16,89,1,3,2,5,31,33,8,12,34,322,92,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418185954909479,0.0,0.12712360185195004,0.038439329200013764,0.04634263837915622,0.0,0.0,0.04785295308365342,0.0346779582873968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547065064313184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038602912313034386,0.040539232793384665,0.0,0.0,0.16672015397809034,0.0,0.026434126613995343,0.0,0.03689933935428767,0.0,0.0,0.07670338848793078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484082626329087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034622408940941034,0.0,0.047633019928183216,0.055932035421543284,0.04470610034029848,0.03734911610940203,0.044013271974462434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164393449129257,0.0,0.2514407919150265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840739271665025,0.0,0.0,0.08592400177956977,0.0,0.0365358118109715,0.0,0.03897252337306315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385200847272008,0.0,0.08327196005659017,0.0,0.03963366256063982,0.0,0.0,0.09509218088551677,0.03350270933430461,0.16035627423936274,0.09062303419041727,0.0,0.07393381925387395,0.0,0.2080916118377935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538153414923234,0.042812704610140216,0.044503696227109965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813158674811991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32788187881182124,0.0,0.0430318097417302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532628524649356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612581681966664,0.04237065505048816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282922158479004,0.0,0.0,0.03686629155914138,0.0,0.1641272348824432,0.1736737543581075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600206358723165,0.04378500452004417,0.0,0.034612514646913645,0.04608878112743763,0.0,0.06430731095182325,0.03344478097139321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049369892698527165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596013965633216,0.04614206485720993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601258991516167,0.0,0.0,0.04760035238422613,0.040992740150739816,0.0,0.29071325771629275,0.0,0.0,0.08298646420299016,0.0506898784677056,0.0,0.0,0.13836799010840906,0.30362824577427194,0.0,0.0,0.044585135467558566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03703238749496685,0.0,0.06896915533425334,0.08682931486733464,0.087772817332506,0.0,0.0,0.0904756529183736,0.0,0.1335367335057875,0.10761277381746594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277228186265927,0.0,0.0,0.18127009505229186,0.0,0.0,0.14892328452571982,0.0,0.04920864560551939,0.0,0.0,0.0652082548118321,0.03485412265367497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028808934595446926,0.08335717947237369,0.042604643416768666,0.03442595692437068,0.02528573900915377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02944112541323263,0.0943345695419745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235701639139507,0.047759020937079226,0.1431184708441302,0.05115410157198615,0.03442010953868272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099305539184845,0.039129020482596484,0.0,0.0,0.04180108716461178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838268871229228,0.09241304640780873,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YouLookLikeADickhead,2019/01/07,H Im so frustrated I keep crying to myself im on my knees I jusr want it all to end,-5.894848484848485,-6.765041090909093,-0.2145454545454548,103.13151515151516,141.72727272727272,3.284848484848485,8.212121212121213,5.46131890053228,-1.6169333333333331,64,1,19,1,6,26,17,22,0.316,0.626,0.058,-0.7755,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39340780490452976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172120533937329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7737207173020079,0.0,0.0,0.3183376249241506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112444564887994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ctr1540,2019/01/07,i want to die i popped hella benzos and had like  3-4 litres of beer so far. i have razorblades all around me. usually i use my blood to make art with it (not via cutting but with using syringes to extract it from my body) but now i want to cut myself open again. i even took my medication it doesnt help though. calm me down please. im so lonely,0.8499034749034742,2.6155373108108115,2.7247490347490357,94.35635135135138,81.29729729729729,5.850193050193052,18.679536679536678,6.868970318607317,-0.05529498069498029,267,6,63,3,7,89,56,74,0.198,0.708,0.094,-0.843,0,2,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,3,1,14,9,6,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,12,2,10,7,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236193029956446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27902413226245776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260703662009663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591378074218646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837259330633655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713367345752782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272255876740965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767648505923485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530553606429791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757397560109374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468005674799539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790900035197282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339085004497684,0.27665889265297666,0.0,0.296325946761108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KittehInGloves,2019/01/07,"I should’ve died a year ago. 20, f. I have no excuse. I shouldn’t be this depressed. Not to this level. This is going to be a mess, I’m really sorry, but I just need to be honest with somebody somewhere. Even if it doesn’t make a ton of sense.

My life is *fine*. It is, I know it is. I go to a top university on a full scholarship, straight-A student, great grad school prospects, and I’m a decently attractive young female. All this to say- my future isn’t hopeless, I’ll be happy again - at some point. I know this.

But Jesus Christ. I’m so tired of this cycle. Nothing - *nothing* - is worth this pain. I’ve done the things that I’m supposed to be proud of, I mean fuck I’ve lived my *dreams*. I got into my dream school. Got a scholarship. Last year I got published. I traveled abroad to my favorite sites, and saw amazing, incredible things with great people. And through it all, I’ve felt nothing but fear and minor relief that things didn’t go catastrophically wrong. The validation I thought I’d feel simply doesn’t exist. I feel no pride in my work.

I’m not trying to brag. I’m saying I’ve done the things that people tell you as reason to keep going. I’ve lived my dream, completed some of my biggest goals, and it’s still not worth it. It’s still not better, and the pain isn’t just still there, it’s gotten so much worse. It’s like a calculation - the sum of the pain and struggle of living just doesn’t work out to equal the sum of happiness. None of this is worth it.

I used to live for the future: for getting out of my small town, for finding love and living in a small little apartment with a cat, some plants, and my research. So much hope. But now I’m here, and it feels like a cruel joke. The love fell apart in the most brutal way possible a month ago. Three years gone, on our anniversary, with no warning over text - and it feels like everything else just shattered around it. School, friends, family, all of it just tastes like ash. I’d barely been hanging on before then, but as weak and vapid and *young* as it sounds, he kept me grounded. He talked me through my ridiculous mind. He was the only one I was honest to about these thoughts, and without him I feel like I’m imploding from the pressure of the pain - not to mention the loss, betrayal, and grief. But I should be clear, I’m not killing myself because the boy I loved broke up with me. The pain is contributing, but these thoughts have been with me much longer than him. I just lost my filter.

 I’m just so tired, I can barely leave my bed. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. To be fair, depression is an excellent diet. I’ve stared at my walls for two weeks straight, and even that seems like a lot to do. I feel like this is the kind of realization most men have in their 40s - that the rat race wasn’t “worth it”, that they’ve wasted their lives searching for some sort of empty promise of validation and fulfillment. But I see it now. I know it’s only going to get worse. Sure, it might get better for a bit. I fully believe I’ll find another boy that loves me, and that I love back. That I’ll find happiness and be happy that I didn’t kill myself now. But ultimately that future me is just going to get hurt again too. Eventually I’m going to be back here, again, going through this same cycle and wishing I’d just done it now instead oF wasting more time. I’m speaking from experience. 

It’s been two weeks in which every moment has been spent thinking about suicide. When, and where, and if I have the courage. I’ve got the means - an easy, calm, nice way to go. Morphine is certainly an easier way out than many people get. I guess I’m lucky in that way too. Hell, whatever my “natural” death would’ve ended up being would probably be much more painful anyway.

But I don’t want to die. I truly, truly do not. I’m so scared, but this pain is so intense - it’s such a real, physical, unbearable pain in my chest and head - and it does not end. I’ve tried. Really hard. But it’s been so long. I have no interest in doing this anymore, the reasons people say aren’t worth it and I’m tired of trying. So tired.

People say to wait, and I did. I waited a year from the worst time in my life. And you know what? I wish I didn’t. Things have only gotten worse. More painful. I should have died a year ago.

Sorry. That’s all, I guess. I just wanted to get all of this out somewhere.",0.7809929924619219,3.096508518602029,2.2355179388553634,94.52370023432148,85.57271702367531,5.192072860711366,18.842639874439065,6.615977163443126,0.0032684174458963433,3364,90,738,38,102,1085,345,887,0.22,0.5870000000000001,0.193,-0.9888,1,0,0,0,0,5,152.0,1,2,2,11,45,73,7,4,42,0,64,28,3,4,8,134,143,54,8,12,33,0,8,7,1,5,16,6,1,3,60,39,3,4,23,5,8,13,28,32,0,4,30,18,72,41,88,97,26,93,3,8,3,6,28,39,2,16,44,451,132,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696855825867387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046121481648272095,0.0,0.0,0.0436207088446352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915544393214876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764258187063386,0.0,0.02681248383894941,0.0,0.03742748737463252,0.049555360151359786,0.0,0.07780126025183094,0.048019576248843406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611680973923635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576740375845757,0.0,0.13694659831209707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038491047497688835,0.1350339460764002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045007025018498965,0.03674332477669438,0.0,0.07791425164515553,0.0,0.0,0.058102566749776825,0.0,0.03705875658497907,0.0,0.03953034531317154,0.04302518610909558,0.04146458066557117,0.04949468180129834,0.1334390145340877,0.12568986525407422,0.042231924584806686,0.0,0.12060284257580545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033982240673367616,0.040662871846508165,0.13788021116502494,0.0,0.2249761487690041,0.0,0.14071338062083666,0.09698591923951197,0.09690755756717323,0.0,0.0,0.18728885965065206,0.03940138569815387,0.0,0.04514068700991771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368643669128864,0.0,0.0,0.04708621315125653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909535837478903,0.09732445024364522,0.04580298725401262,0.09669071045628838,0.035853158989962615,0.0,0.04657313196290623,0.0,0.0,0.06213496926761191,0.1504199030789624,0.04408392695388472,0.23303420224552804,0.03892481257358494,0.0,0.0,0.04801417171932945,0.037393966559429816,0.1984882050040608,0.0,0.029359930567373807,0.044593281047931255,0.0,0.09582381873970937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666050081783077,0.0444117085169916,0.0,0.035107930863296395,0.0,0.12933438855090024,0.03261387752279984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661266292114454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029804969818792864,0.10035636155351002,0.421222553599411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246623454276506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041579477879327593,0.049585805638940536,0.0,0.0,0.04742262574149987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006388006004975,0.05635506973274696,0.09044658381475472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991265077822518,0.04403606057472049,0.13354369224634505,0.03504987453548452,0.04004174858035742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401616804038273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984738762731541,0.0,0.0,0.10537800323148162,0.0,0.0,0.04598204808528408,0.0,0.048111797957923454,0.0,0.041454779322257516,0.0,0.0,0.03535299705637497,0.03844430693973348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610641473753275,0.028183429449618044,0.0,0.1047561087022665,0.05129531824061706,0.2022144036661485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958756733708538,0.0,0.08593274115422432,0.0,0.0,0.03798840201504107,0.0,0.0,0.05188628100800157,0.13965108728081566,0.07056327002561824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115978557728547,0.042399394934360166,0.0,0.06404233851589287,0.0,0.13447159314239926,0.06249051587744633,0.048090039926633577,0.0,0.1416225673318481
suicidewatch,sugarsub10,2019/01/07,"Constant stress, constant depress. Thinking about killing myself is harder and hard to put out of my mind. It's the constant inadequacy at work, I'm a pastry chef and I do a lot but then they onto for over time and then when things are not perfect (because I'm rushing) I get bitched at. Kitchen life drives many to suicide, one grill cook has already taken his own life. High pressure and no reward. Every day something is wrong I get yelled at for minuscule things. You have to put your head down and work. I'm constantly underestimated because of my age. I've always been good at my job, but I can't keep up with the volume of reservations everyday. 
What else, my beloved boyfriend.. he is my best friend. He's keeping me alive slog with my family. But everyday is harder and harder to live with this. (Clinical depression) I use to be able to handle it when I was younger and cope but I have much more weighing on me as an adult. 
Anyone have the number to a Dr, to a counselor, or have the resources but you just can't fucking dial it? I know I need to before... an overdose, or that one bridge I've been fantasizing about. I think my BF knows how serious it is. He will gently remind me or ask if I've given that doctor a call. And this tinge of guilt burn in my chest because no I did not. 
What stops us from getting help? Pride? Fear of judgement? Working 50-60 hours a week..? If I really wanted to live would it be easier? I don't want to hurt my family and my BF. 
Anyone relate? ",1.5288674496644319,3.8705869328859066,3.088854865771811,89.50361786912752,82.35570469798657,5.738422818791946,22.735318791946305,7.04035,0.7963453020134228,1158,40,237,15,32,380,175,298,0.14800000000000002,0.708,0.14300000000000002,0.7359,1,0,1,0,0,2,45.0,1,3,1,7,6,18,3,4,12,0,23,11,2,2,1,42,43,25,2,6,13,0,1,0,3,2,5,1,1,1,13,13,3,3,4,1,0,4,7,12,0,2,6,2,33,6,36,33,5,32,0,3,0,1,16,12,2,6,16,153,46,5,0.104522914741119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534363554375032,0.0,0.08697143822073339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616970453161554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771481572661216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911485960386991,0.0,0.08894130196825836,0.0,0.10969035046941997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672958231313484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518085535576286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674086330430297,0.0,0.18005086661519698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698363225265928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731548317872759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880650637057404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970698034334709,0.11761733818380216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075414464868808,0.09662975041835503,0.16382672678406215,0.0,0.0,0.08766886182874957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363200121530277,0.0,0.10727066538602097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005950650248913,0.11043419813022608,0.0,0.0,0.10293401648217508,0.0,0.11189394202470973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372286473023637,0.18580953831948388,0.11563911880285255,0.0,0.11488612086269682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765525158295198,0.0,0.0,0.18459129732995425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886164433809678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596983002731984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553834775489802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683636889543285,0.07750241687549607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165486420575465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014879747518275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066960055645356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046684629530458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738583694988229,0.11973064568988595,0.0,0.0,0.1143311039712433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888076025619753,0.13394812663158082,0.0,0.0,0.06094815213656095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572819686651607,0.09027423885262982,0.0,0.0,0.12330064641930527,0.0,0.08384197748029949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282817803803231,0.0,0.0,0.07425007972316187,0.11427939898736827,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_6273,2019/01/07,So fucking done Last chance i gave myself to think life was bearable just went out the fucking window. Life is a fuckin terrible curse and im checking out. I almost died 3 times within the last year and one of them i overdosed and i was SOO fucking close but my mother came in my room when i was about to die and i was sent to the ER and survived. I could’ve been gone this whole time but im still here for some fucking reason. This time im gonna make sure it actually works. Goodbye and good fucking riddance.,0.5982438316400582,2.980565471698114,1.8390566037735847,96.40035558780843,87.67924528301887,4.016255442670537,20.41799709724237,5.369823440869387,-0.2397901306240926,404,13,87,2,13,128,72,106,0.109,0.773,0.119,0.2682,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,6,9,6,0,4,0,7,8,0,2,1,19,20,10,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,10,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,7,1,1,11,0,11,2,10,8,2,18,0,0,0,6,4,6,6,2,8,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.12983734927669235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323009119474089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217345265621998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622938750978153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761692393877855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361560733858568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6150116830712022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159580570746093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311496376459178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169065848282412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879539259848561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881173165168255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015794418719232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367972875844223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625369070620852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539780121071906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525289825055249,0.0,0.0,0.2327471123332172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333843785634248,0.0,0.14854527830161746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686179212120062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856796675103547
suicidewatch,satanzkid,2019/01/07,. my existence is shit and death would be a sweet release,0.5881818181818161,2.873626454545456,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,102.63636363636364,5.836363636363638,23.681818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.4864181818181827,45,2,9,1,2,14,11,11,0.429,0.4,0.171,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8222943730866573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5690623550982981,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DefaultFreedom,2019/01/07,"Suicide Ideation is Treatable I used to visit a forum which no longer exists on reddit where people tried to justify suicide. I was completely on board and even posted there regularly for a time.

If you are truly suicidal, know that you are not a problem, but your thoughts are. You need to separate these thoughts from your identity. These thoughts come from depression. You are depressed, but you are not depression. Do not accept these thoughts as your identity, no matter how enticing. You are a victim of a rogue mind.

Next, fight these thoughts with all that is available to you. Tell someone. If you don't want to tell someone close to you, call a hotline. Try to talk it through. 

Mental illness is as real as the flu or diabetes. It can be treated. If you are suicidal, recognize that you need help and support. You will be helped of you are honest. Don't be afraid to go to the ER. Be honest with your therapist or psychiatrist if you have one.

One avenue may not work. Try several. Try medicine, talk therapy, self affirming statements, meditation, good books, good movies, prayer, try everything. You are worth it!",3.7087165775401054,6.603056431372551,3.933226381461677,83.379064171123,77.82352941176471,7.63065953654189,29.370766488413548,8.575989854853784,2.6785862745098044,888,41,156,20,22,275,115,204,0.203,0.674,0.123,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,1,2,36.0,0,19,0,1,4,14,2,1,8,0,24,3,0,2,1,37,37,14,4,8,12,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,8,1,1,3,8,7,1,2,6,0,21,7,22,25,1,10,0,3,0,0,29,4,0,7,2,109,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075991755203876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077082609395952,0.1104831886504592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722767818394563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695988824854669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947038319291435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988677309458861,0.17676631065431112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126065095834905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791108526637825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619274071321363,0.0,0.10639823522305164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562677558724873,0.0,0.0,0.11206700686527586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428090157073152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305343040449619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091967041494372,0.0,0.0,0.10082919295528482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993928323585792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992861490697617,0.11904322391776605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856699265930115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610505262748521,0.1195777665786697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939210952467254,0.184203965546428,0.0,0.12050495720545662,0.12234794971994135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182780272343044,0.061444735163908165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35771194057025635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091009760000514,0.0,0.0,0.0621526272674982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671391199734284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AccountToVent_92,2019/01/07,"I feel like I’m not allowed to be happy I’ve vented so much about the reasons why I feel this way, and I’m honestly too exhausted to rehash them all in this post.

But fuck. I feel like I’m dragging myself through life watching everyone else succeed, while I’m expected to just will myself to stay around through a completely miserable existence. Anything I try to do to improve my situation blows up in my face. My life is on hold until I get a job, while I watch everyone else I know go on vacations, get married, get promotions. When is it going to be my turn? Why am I the only one who isn’t allowed to have something good happen for once? And why do I get guilt tripped when I express not wanting to force myself to stay alive if this dire situation I find myself in shows no signs of improving any time soon?

I’m at the point where I’m starting to get bitter when I see other people post or tell me about positive things that have happened in their lives. Like, I should be happy for them, but I’m more sad for me at this point. I feel like a bad person for thinking like that, but I can’t help it. ",4.146710719530102,4.7273962995594765,5.282925110132158,84.14074596182088,70.58590308370044,8.520293685756242,29.230249632892804,8.648137234880735,2.0552933333333328,868,32,182,14,15,288,126,227,0.097,0.754,0.149,0.8361,3,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,11,17,2,2,6,0,14,5,1,3,1,27,41,14,0,4,8,0,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,3,0,1,8,1,0,3,5,7,0,1,0,8,28,10,31,36,3,30,0,2,3,1,8,13,1,2,14,114,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464643281009029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033022993949796,0.09771735337196268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165222135919857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509032055633313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339521102030326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977726078896244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220092708680019,0.2352561945075245,0.0,0.0,0.10032653957446296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147933003210408,0.2867478942979385,0.0,0.1247680845697956,0.09206871925614207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413607472205807,0.2337014964359563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357559914489806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892842811105473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060325968579337426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506565981478007,0.26813704096958024,0.0,0.09692771171249168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069257349677487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690000893324998,0.07438206480484758,0.08348398979583584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609974717142898,0.09584573410642223,0.0,0.0,0.207533672201325,0.0,0.2102560101743965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286043400795903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747138664963011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467690794274195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450525450485596,0.0,0.0,0.0776948015849886,0.2339975096864075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959426212324386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292540053208653,0.07033530610799467,0.0,0.0,0.06400697113192695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452569465080816,0.11939674903767016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474438222692377,0.08712922951560434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971473465984277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yaygrrs,2019/01/07,"Need someone to talk to, please help Hey guys I have a lot to get off my chest.

I’m pre everything and I’m scared. I don’t want to have to face the social anxiety of being trans but at the same time I know I can’t go on living as a woman. I feel like a freak. I have so much internalized transphobia and it’s really affecting me.

I can’t see myself living as trans I can’t see myself being happy as trans. I wish I was just born a cis guy and I didn’t fucking have to put up with this. I hate getting stares in the women’s room. I hate not being girly enough and being ugly and fat. I’m not attractive and if I transition it’ll be even worse since I’ll just be a freak everyone hates.

I can’t come out to my mother I’m scared she’ll disown me along with the rest of my family. My sister knows and is cool with it so is my fiancée.

Lately I’ve been feeling worthless and unable to do anything. I barely shower anymore. I stopped exercising. I can barely get out of bed to get to work before ten every day. I lie awake and dread every moment of being alive. I can’t get myself to do chores and everything is really dragging on my relationship. 

I’ve been to different psychiatrists and therapists for depression and anxiety before I even knew I was trans (since I was 17, I’m 24 now) and now I started seeing a gender therapist and going to trans men’s groups but sometimes I’m still in denial and wanting to be as girly as possible so I can be normal even though that’s never beeen me. I was always the ultra butch tomboy. 
 
I’ve been on four antidepressants. Nothing is working and I feel like giving up. I think about killing myself every single day. I don’t feel like going back to the psychiatrist because I know it won’t work, it hasn’t worked in 8 years of me doing it.

At first I got support from my fiancée but now all I get is anger. She feels she has to bear the burden of everything. She’s sick of me not doing anything to help myself and how I’m giving up and I don’t blame her. I just want to die I can’t keep living like this. 

Last night I was venting about trans shit and my depression and how I feel like nothing is working and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it. She said she can’t talk to me about this stuff anymore. She says she can’t be the only source of support I have and I need to get help. I’ve been getting help. It’s not working. If she leaves I will definitely end it all. No one else wants to date a freak.

Now I have no one to talk to or vent to. I can’t talk about what I’m going through because it’s too much for her.  She says she can’t take it anymore because I’m not getting help like I should and I’m getting worse. She says she is just waiting to find my body and it’s taking a toll on her mental health as well. After she said that she left and went on a drive and I started self harming. She doesn’t know that part.

I don’t know what to do. I am so tired of life. I’m tired of struggling. I’m ready to give up.",0.3663018624377656,2.3993209639498443,2.606421722293934,93.08683339479994,84.65830721003135,5.445731145122626,18.943481467822238,6.728850175155133,0.0669895998524801,2317,61,524,27,68,786,241,638,0.189,0.6920000000000001,0.119,-0.9959,2,0,0,0,0,3,50.0,0,0,0,7,27,31,7,4,18,1,66,12,5,3,3,82,135,45,2,11,15,2,6,6,0,5,7,5,4,6,21,33,1,3,14,1,0,8,27,19,1,5,15,16,86,12,75,105,10,50,0,3,4,1,48,19,2,4,29,341,107,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889341098232037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899031840802054,0.0,0.17482376453035986,0.0,0.0,0.14506455873800758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518316765284017,0.0,0.1074594953931169,0.0,0.1000016492632872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526962587757472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061693438067389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579127278002326,0.0,0.10122059838538036,0.0,0.06098408172193024,0.06139217550460065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049086825416665036,0.0,0.05204432765977817,0.06071526415737227,0.0,0.11643219146496935,0.0,0.14852466882360413,0.05614813887148898,0.15843034108978402,0.0,0.055394133341931835,0.0,0.17826632864648104,0.16791394109996904,0.0,0.0,0.05370599706886126,0.04998161834181089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432309959429158,0.3069991576702831,0.16910516629560718,0.13357969710934775,0.0,0.04699610875105701,0.0,0.0,0.11636418993550768,0.0,0.06255160367243805,0.0,0.17404137087640598,0.0,0.06245962257114353,0.0,0.0,0.19692949287276154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052228997860380114,0.0650097443129711,0.0,0.16146606398666152,0.04789761859254807,0.06628435974253513,0.06221884414827177,0.06384341310491627,0.0,0.04150425155106918,0.17224435963738852,0.0,0.15565969153931242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049956042881116686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059216724356134814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863914002033367,0.0871402749670384,0.04531969020198859,0.0,0.0,0.05514271236277312,0.057572776021216326,0.11276449474148388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963521858381363,0.04468997864661977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363185339451874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450134104342897,0.0,0.06624359116481497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907049332860782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528691227936841,0.0,0.0,0.0630867449194554,0.0,0.0,0.1117893093634906,0.1401860318317545,0.11765894516111118,0.0,0.14047343967826906,0.0,0.06129997628913352,0.0,0.06031676908717296,0.09721452155929736,0.0,0.0,0.0598988903893962,0.04978754815249832,0.0,0.0581155987010229,0.0,0.08318191385624675,0.0,0.046926180277344166,0.04912637674429162,0.0,0.06142919238747501,0.0672666698414627,0.0,0.1333613502213757,0.0,0.0,0.08836110809672489,0.188917731861093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645084900238388,0.0,0.03765133094090017,0.057731854858480675,0.0,0.034263697507941865,0.13507301244267342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863376996168122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052832711532970686,0.05447153629680508,0.0,0.0,0.06757163054783055,0.0,0.0,0.2566698938468312,0.0,0.11976386016957145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037839810523013516
suicidewatch,blochmind,2019/01/07,"PTSD?!? Years ago, I came home to my wife trying to hang herself. I went home from work early, because something felt wrong. I knew I had to get home. 911 was called. Skizofrenia was the culprit.

Years later, almost ten years, I am struggling. I thought it was depression and a small part of me was afraid that I was going insane. I spoke to a friend for a long time and he said, “Maybe you have post traumatic stress disorder...”

I never thought about it and nobody had ever suggested that it was a possibility. After looking up the symptoms and causes of PTSD, it rang every possible bell in my head. Everything I had been struggling with -the nightmares, insomnia, loss of appetite, forced thoughts, anxiousness, sometimes full blown panic for seemingly no reason - all attributes of PTSD. So, I am not alone. And that feels better. 

Hoping this helps someone who also has PTSD but is confused AF about it. Dont walk around alone for ten years, like I did. Reach out to someone willing to understand. It’s not always your friends. ",3.289169199594731,6.16508285106383,3.4673860182370824,86.14833333333334,79.53191489361703,6.134143870314086,25.97365754812564,7.447530270364453,1.594710435663627,808,32,142,12,21,248,128,188,0.155,0.762,0.083,-0.8995,0,2,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,3,6,14,0,6,7,0,18,3,1,3,3,29,34,8,0,1,3,1,2,1,2,1,2,3,3,0,11,9,0,0,9,0,0,5,5,9,0,2,20,6,18,5,22,13,3,24,0,2,1,0,13,6,0,4,13,94,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863127456682235,0.0,0.1001212179201309,0.2071100255145147,0.0,0.07995851401033237,0.08319609735841778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295536120441255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900845544136847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095034389565592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842921074279568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209656069629104,0.11435698405987085,0.0,0.10271283804440118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861175216533007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459225426743397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718247499941582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904427739273955,0.0842422496836601,0.0,0.08986068413594024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055576520376533,0.0,0.09600193485544052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449738023732895,0.0,0.0522383922441506,0.0,0.05682416742122867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261415590837174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701829523700199,0.0,0.3008813750390768,0.0993083429309836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884795389918758,0.0,0.0,0.08848418246830034,0.08396279109323218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004490568580286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711512211044842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173116550586411,0.0,0.10827475039573747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254376673336208,0.09575864504665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675116480678297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280193399479867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510928035679736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102320996501176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943508829154666,0.07697386309190722,0.0988883964205596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453326125665142,0.20905348871508844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392340774220472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381323897079144,0.05830245541185239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788371504816837,0.0,0.0,0.10408862145728344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092687729204458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279076753708595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931864757811967,0.0,0.25755000496365954
suicidewatch,fabushiki,2019/01/07,"School is driving me to suicide, quickly. Hello, I’m 14 and am a freshman in high school. I’ve been super depressed and suicidal from probably about 4th grade, maybe younger and I got better, then worse, better, and now worse again. I tried to kill myself when I was ten but was too young to get how it worked and failed, tried again at eleven and was sent to the hospital for two days but nothing else happened. I was a little better between then and now but I’m going downhill so fast. 
School is the biggest stress in my life by far, I’m way too stupid to understand any of it, way too lazy and tired to put in any effort, and when my mom got a tutor to come to my house without a warning I had a panic attack and cried the whole hour I was supposed to talk to him. I switched from public school to online school a few years ago and it’s helped in a lot of ways, but oh my god is it easy to get behind. I honestly feel like the people running it have no idea how to balance anything. I’m 50 lessons behind and only have til the eighteenth to get them all done. I just feel like I literally cannot do ANYTHING right. I mess up everything I touch.
For a while ballet was keeping me going, it was keeping me sane but now even that’s not working. I used to dread the days I didn’t have classes but now I can’t find the energy to put on my tights. My mom would bribe me with getting me more classes if I got caught up in school but I’m so stupid I’ve barely made a dent, every day no matter how hard I worked 5 more lessons will be added on. I truly feel like I have nothing, I am nothing. I don’t see how it can get better and honestly I really don’t want to wait, I don’t think I can. I know this was long but I just really, really want to die right now. I know as a fact if I had access to a gun or noose I wouldn’t be typing this right now. I don’t know what to do.",2.454691199176529,3.229328529850747,3.9057591353576946,91.75007462686571,74.64676616915423,6.7388574369531655,23.314805283925203,6.8039241337230125,0.5051011151140852,1447,38,337,12,29,480,191,402,0.168,0.703,0.13,-0.9601,0,0,0,1,0,3,35.0,0,0,1,12,24,20,4,3,18,0,37,2,0,6,2,60,72,37,4,6,15,2,6,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,15,0,4,12,1,0,9,12,10,0,3,19,7,44,10,45,48,6,53,0,2,1,0,9,17,0,4,27,217,55,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715840480249954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304145924077493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469127265867735,0.0,0.0,0.0861901648978227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680211814827401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526221863817673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322095366589569,0.14658058638545654,0.0,0.06525366365368,0.0,0.07862895142667195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753078731313924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328939458292326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050040058917581835,0.0,0.06383271743951999,0.0,0.06808996294508991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149225674994032,0.1623730744050379,0.0,0.0,0.06924505732665509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979124812156133,0.0,0.08611453365397999,0.0,0.1817812770754873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699604950155416,0.0,0.06786783345599992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050781643643256616,0.08004666854566969,0.0,0.0,0.0746102678239848,0.08741912786283751,0.0,0.08552602912374824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468141914649126,0.08381938177166631,0.0,0.12491037277713984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053512911682260224,0.1110403977975793,0.07593338557970811,0.0,0.06704694899026993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441010765856191,0.0,0.07168779677446932,0.0,0.0,0.0761130701941415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746297975694705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808692685027856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762038323847458,0.0,0.08889033421875878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252380255294742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168420498015955,0.0,0.0,0.1523233873345152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456051514148601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410089525098545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600508791191529,0.060372471817391214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678506723972983,0.0,0.0,0.16574257139540435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089459225554422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048545203733665165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707722601150503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287479305660338,0.0,0.0740084245989565,0.07887087046110394,0.0,0.06543400683842393,0.0,0.0,0.08937273183940977,0.18040894816742034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458552080696304,0.0,0.07303182421259738,0.0,0.16546682385080566,0.0,0.15441581603019508,0.05381912144715205,0.0,0.0,0.04878821718059194
suicidewatch,Polu9,2019/01/07,"I don't know what to do At the beginning I want to say sorry for my English. 

I'm 19m

I always tried to support all my friends, but they found new friend and left me. When I want to meet with them they never have time for me.

My family doesn't give f\*ck about my feelings. When I tried talk to my mother about suicide, depression she said: ""suicide is for weak people"".

When I'm trying to talk someone online about my problems, people just saying that I'm looking for attention.

I'm trying to cover my sadness with fake smile, but I can't stand this. I feel like everyone happier without me and I'm just waste of space. I don't know what to do, everything I think about is hanging myself. ",2.516702127659574,4.241408985815607,3.8889539007092218,88.10875,76.16312056737588,6.68581560283688,24.51595744680851,7.492282038375204,1.131727659574468,541,18,111,7,12,178,81,141,0.23,0.638,0.133,-0.9678,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,3,0,9,9,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,2,21,27,7,2,3,5,1,2,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,6,24,4,21,25,1,12,0,2,1,0,14,3,0,0,8,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279444069382182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243716453973664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469285980312361,0.1381936449411127,0.0,0.14495551437089976,0.0,0.15549593314304905,0.1098494110917258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859487075260815,0.2375961891916005,0.0,0.0,0.14750494853456994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900992900570494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706561196096215,0.0,0.0,0.07512158250467048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291234787735409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859268496554445,0.14850674142545595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320192894839995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713188903894428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626527993431102,0.24455945212769864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302841874456817,0.0,0.0,0.17212680266080255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363868780706278,0.17449016666809947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471802097405414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985261022064908,0.0,0.0,0.08966133409569861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175840905221077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813886076159673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482235200036223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fml96,2019/01/07,"Need someone to talk to Life has gone from all time high to all time low,nothing's working out and it's been like that for a while,as much as I've tried helping someone or being there for people,there's no-one there and I have no idea where else to go.",2.3914285714285732,3.0852867142857145,3.145000000000003,97.45000000000002,74.71428571428571,5.6000000000000005,22.92857142857143,3.1291,-0.2374142857142858,200,5,49,0,4,63,41,56,0.044,0.862,0.094,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,8,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,9,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,27,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364874595560925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088799260043987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897509365734536,0.29910277093094045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195769763114929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995660600934026,0.1383046967889774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081055618097133,0.209909502978145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716348904535824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797267160859671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227539029534395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301470286526465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220122599244466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609471287232456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spoiledmilkcoldsoup,2019/01/07,suicidal but afraid my mom told me I’m going to end up worse than her and if I’m so depressed now I should wait until I’m her age (40). I’m in high school but I’ve been suicidal since the 6th grade. I’ve been on and off with self harm since then. My doctor put me on antidepressants a month ago but they haven’t helped. I stopped taking them 4 days ago. I know deep down my family loves me but I also don’t feel like they do. I don’t want to cause them pain but I’m sick of feeling like this. I’ve tried to kill myself so many times. I’m mostly afraid that if it doesn’t work I’ll end up in a mental hospital and I’ve heard those places are hell. I pushed myself away from all my friends now I don’t have any. I have panic attacks every fucking day and I’m so sick and tired of living. I wish I wasn’t afraid of just ending it all. ,-0.4085294117647038,1.4413227326203213,1.6233449197860956,100.07737032085562,86.37967914438501,4.80951871657754,14.6975935828877,5.985473137389443,-0.9860115508021392,649,10,165,5,20,215,107,187,0.292,0.607,0.101,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,4,1,8,15,4,4,3,0,13,7,0,1,2,26,32,18,3,5,8,1,2,2,1,1,5,1,0,1,5,6,0,2,3,0,0,3,6,11,0,0,5,3,25,4,19,26,3,30,1,1,0,2,13,12,2,3,17,88,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711088250648985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695453672283327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909500881058275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215240834265614,0.12565631283922854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739129778108125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250683811596831,0.0,0.11519298158739072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689202181482404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553708261049081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268457022901672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260813605904992,0.0,0.1352493480641307,0.19109260203888154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332980754269427,0.12364360438791945,0.0,0.0,0.07600944785458208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964537182496117,0.14130722935114906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796723985237129,0.0,0.07350186674450793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068052461482227,0.0,0.11809785931198208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070862671888638,0.0,0.0,0.13559480060981455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478187537383818,0.0,0.0,0.1566386361697611,0.10675269397905572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423123913275888,0.15691904576121105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973337157296925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444904216933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535544591256793,0.0,0.0,0.13952351897974036,0.0,0.0,0.2212678203970106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181545855349843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29258711168044715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055838100535867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779868433719582,0.15371834669483228,0.0,0.1277975358842349,0.0,0.09080297931829327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888531368775753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379829239678652,0.0,0.0,0.09736677720927192,0.0,0.13629593540657112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pforperfect,2019/01/07,"I don't want to fight for myself anymore. I just want to be gone I'm mentally unstable, completely unable to work, I can't maintain friendships and relationship, still a virgin, etc.

I just don't see any point in living. Pretty sure my parents turned me into a narc so even if I'm cured of all my symptoms one day I won't really be a normal human. Nobody would really care about me.

I tried to kill myself once when I was 8. I think I'll try again soon.",2.1080263157894734,3.6797103684210564,4.319144736842105,85.24713815789475,76.89473684210526,7.276315789473685,21.348684210526315,8.07648339933343,1.014184210526316,355,9,74,6,8,123,68,95,0.13,0.747,0.123,0.0897,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,2,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,2,12,17,4,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,1,14,2,9,11,2,9,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,5,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256662926200774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933291837820744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987554382660625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043920289620948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572087905550627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741085102536487,0.12875675456566266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567343844249715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721365581727804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645477289842114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100088296606305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207605903746344,0.13209713093475464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645901602449227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842823450926992,0.0,0.0,0.19832517597485047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976851412981596,0.0,0.0,0.20929378112026986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553428134270844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568021010302555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372967479238325,0.2026184390833388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491038215543472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26470441416543633,0.21203993237070334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299626168958507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419194387334631,0.0,0.0,0.13848056059493974,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twentyspots,2019/01/07,"Friday. My ex has decided to leave me once again because he can’t cope with my depression and anxiety. It haunts him and gives him guilt. I can empathize, as I’m not much fun to be around (duh). He doesn’t love me anymore but I’m still deeply in love with him. Cutting off all contact has made me more upset and distressed. 
A job I applied for hasn’t responded, but I guess I’ll know by Friday. If that doesn’t go well, I have no reason to continue living and I will end my life.

I haven’t had a reason to live for a long while. it’s just whether I am responsible for living anymore. ",1.5840798226164097,3.3038474227642283,3.257087952697709,91.6269179600887,78.83739837398375,6.423946784922395,23.376940133037692,7.348242739294969,0.8085024390243905,455,15,102,6,11,151,80,123,0.173,0.716,0.111,-0.3992,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,3,3,1,13,3,0,3,1,20,22,10,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,2,0,16,4,14,18,3,10,0,1,0,2,11,3,0,2,6,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549452800790504,0.0,0.3513062590897595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576722718995173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796928390039698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525511842903072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687367881118294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990740224491824,0.10066005001070392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511507508798853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757619516089057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733923599257203,0.0,0.0,0.1875420321831215,0.0,0.0,0.1251034439273362,0.0,0.0,0.4691944262209726,0.15674355888737412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197112134136894,0.16759301600518514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020186230612527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886245314424154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642129145652081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144639509586734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925005072459522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,demoniccvoice,2019/01/07,anyone up for cyber sex i know it sounds stupid but i found that talking sex with someone who is depressed as well is kinda soothing.,2.2867948717948714,4.98312742307693,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,82.46153846153845,3.466666666666667,24.051282051282055,3.1291,0.1798358974358969,107,4,19,0,3,33,23,26,0.209,0.629,0.162,-0.359,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156405121198494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888038764814717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949542640188353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480863879472449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824832500692896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628310228122951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058771312700173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Apeezy1991,2019/01/07,Will pay someone 30k to murk me Serious.  Come on over. Just going to fall asleep and you do it.  Pm Me.  ,-2.745000000000001,-1.9457073181818167,0.07145454545454477,102.38718181818182,122.1818181818182,3.578181818181818,13.490909090909092,5.6839178017228535,-0.9047745454545448,77,2,19,1,5,26,20,22,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6451239766877206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256256649001366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6345532665434305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,originalsand,2019/01/07,I’m a failure and a disappointment to God and my family I’m 19 and I have nothing going for me I have nothing positive about me and I hate my life. I’m a failure with girls I’ve never done anything with a girl and every girl I like just avoids me like I’m a disease. I like a girl right now but even she ignores me and she’s the nicest girl I know I’ve just given up hope at this point,-2.069756493506496,-0.2624752159090882,1.0750649350649368,98.55045454545456,102.29545454545456,3.8779220779220784,16.51298701298701,5.773587663045528,-0.5876649350649354,303,9,74,3,14,106,48,88,0.172,0.653,0.174,0.2933,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,16,12,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,14,4,7,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323682048066733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265173628009581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114883556379928,0.0,0.21832298956003726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427887079811286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726603524061666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558311201622117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573684154727779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240767172728894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302681332034404,0.3797844206158488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998522601504788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972725770712232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449557608373644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129032167882506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToInfinityandBirds,2019/01/07,"I think I've become an animal abuser. Need to plan my death and hope no asshole gives me a funeral. My mother has decided that my pet parrots are only allowed to come out of the Cages when she's around. She's a compelte workaholic. She's almost always at work and when she's not she's working in her home office. And if she's not doing that she's cleaning and fussing about the house being s mess.(there are 7 parrots here vs one me, I *can't* keep it perfectly clean.) and so I don't know if I'm an accomplice to animal a use now or the main person committing that. By either way I've turned into the one thing in the world I hate the most. I'm debating if I should report myself and lose the only thing I still really really care about or just stop interacting with the world for long enough to just die. Or potentially actively try and kill myself. I've tried and I'm still somehow alive, I don't want to be. And I feel like this all the damn time. And now I'm at the very least neglecting animals I advocate for. Probably more along a use since they're so intelligent. It's killing me inside to hear them right now and have to tell them I can't get them out. And I've applied to them probably 5-6 times in the last half hour. And I can't do it. I don't want to be alive if I'm abusing even one animal. It's not *worth* it. Nothing is worth that. I'd rather die than hurt them and I'm hurting them and I'm gonna die. Maybe I should report myself for it? Idk how to make myself not sound like the worst person alive, though. Then again, I fucking deserve that title. Screw it, I'll probably just kill myself and hope they find a better home. My will won't count if I die by my own hand, will it? Damnit. Whatever. Thanks for listening to my incoherent mess ",1.2886456456456479,3.2665801918918937,3.152387387387389,90.76737987987991,80.86486486486487,6.705705705705707,20.277777777777786,7.793537801064563,0.6912012012012019,1381,37,306,24,36,462,186,370,0.215,0.687,0.097,-0.9932,2,0,0,0,1,3,42.0,0,0,7,6,22,21,7,0,19,0,21,3,1,5,3,67,51,31,9,13,18,1,2,2,0,6,0,3,5,2,16,23,0,3,5,0,2,1,12,13,0,4,0,5,44,8,32,42,9,29,0,4,0,2,23,12,3,13,17,194,60,4,0.0,0.22265305818321707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408677045062866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818175085318993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364378989034671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377077942947313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309945708935305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957978741919278,0.0,0.0,0.08093770659881057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900601072744589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970851810084128,0.0,0.06205930002645073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750869770159035,0.06712461681494229,0.0,0.0,0.08587719281189311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686395472775768,0.049089910429436286,0.09013442175327767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276545873040012,0.0,0.0,0.10589907679081358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849788589103966,0.1866457771744922,0.09253108601588092,0.1084165366996466,0.20117097006386292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351543522926942,0.3118564770257565,0.0,0.0516376310518203,0.07658945465305711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180763720157796,0.0,0.0,0.08315111559117988,0.0,0.1051165389146448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271863161168903,0.0,0.09439485007186704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966970732738331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015658199989776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910079710140392,0.14292072105371406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640834543475028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039123870318651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038560002409975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024081741938986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777241897339635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007220241851432,0.07855426876089625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212466030826583,0.08650519513151861,0.0,0.0,0.12484490562400725,0.060205392010323565,0.09231463712912864,0.0,0.1095769678594776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758453498174455,0.10220085016099888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230151403326182,0.0,0.07752634832082411,0.1108393814751624,0.07458060124868306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680712996620176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RebelliousGeorge,2019/01/07,"About me. I just want to stop this feeling of constant anxiety and sadness. I’m in debt, in a dead end job, lost everyone I loved, and my dreams crushed.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford therapy or drugs so don’t even talk about that. I just want to find a reason to live, but I can’t find it. I wanted to be a writer, but since that dream was crushed, I just want to let it all go.

Sorry for the rambling, it’s hard for me to do anything.",0.19818181818181912,1.6434785151515179,2.4070707070707087,97.39727272727276,82.03030303030303,5.612121212121212,21.1010101010101,6.42735559955562,0.02005858585858622,339,10,86,3,9,115,61,99,0.203,0.674,0.123,-0.7742,3,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,9,2,0,1,1,19,19,6,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,2,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,2,11,1,14,15,1,6,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732373566645005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847753650951388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811135969324265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233325130333953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056937080775653,0.0,0.0,0.12719775963402088,0.0,0.0,0.18401914579325035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973746063554797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520306070057483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944807010275276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251451244364774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110666445171204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583733589969947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692684996066748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700523178341132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022462225062813,0.0,0.17381163279084744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800507053901686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593047746158271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155783667590052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100611820977725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478910049825995,0.0,0.0,0.22023285480953392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543564299581925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onlytalks_inmemes,2019/01/07,"I’m going to kill myself tonight I’m a 23M loser virgin incel. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick of being a social reject and I’m gonna take my life today. 

I have my gun ready right now and by the time this post is 8 hours old, I will be gone from this miserable life",-0.6295238095238105,0.7942012063492072,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,84.55555555555556,4.834920634920637,15.261904761904766,5.46131890053228,-0.8936857142857142,208,3,52,1,6,75,48,63,0.308,0.654,0.038,-0.9568,0,0,0,1,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,3,0,6,4,0,0,0,2,15,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,10,0,10,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27738704081941795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895984018929593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27544795858586296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094463841545489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39512047633008796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934978861410233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678750891416029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388620981886945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28511871938204203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205988762051647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309520078334333,0.0,0.2651227029000761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poopdukea,2019/01/07,Why do people self-mutilate? I never really understood why people do it. I'm not sure if it's an attempt at taking their life or just to see if they can still feel something in a world of emptiness. ,3.4391869918699167,4.549800073170736,5.2814634146341515,81.5389430894309,72.65853658536584,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,1.9351886178861788,157,5,31,3,3,54,35,41,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.5943,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,9,8,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,4,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,3,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010690154643774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096887723656357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896522277369225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116259545994265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901831694475332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365677572402468,0.0,0.30970120635219256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854580565077365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23708157035568375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797974115778173,0.0,0.22321005185301512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357598185126258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ashfeithrowaway,2019/01/07,"I made a promise 2 years ago to actively try. Two years ago, I promised my best friend and myself that I would allow myself two years. I would give myself two years to actively try and get better. It’s approaching my date this coming Wednesday and I feel that I have ongoing-ly kept this promise. I have been to multiple doctors, tried therapy, continued my studies, got a job, stayed on medication for over a year and have also tried to make stronger connections with my friends and family. Yet, I still have no doubt that ultimately this is my fate. I want to thank my best friend for supporting me through so many difficult nights for the past 7-8 years of our lives. You have constantly sacrificed and put your life on hold to ensure that I was not alone. I want to thank you for staying by my side through everything, even when I’ve made it impossible, pushed you away, hurt you and gave you absolutely no reason to be with me. Thank you so much for trying so hard to keep me with you, and I’m so sorry that I am not strong enough to continue this journey with you. I love you and always will. ",5.810672629695888,6.093690539534888,6.007906976744188,81.44567084078713,66.86046511627907,10.15026833631485,30.49194991055457,10.035473477838034,2.717951699463328,866,30,177,19,13,276,120,215,0.08,0.677,0.243,0.9884,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,10,0,4,10,18,0,1,4,0,13,4,0,5,0,30,32,15,0,4,2,0,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,11,14,0,3,2,0,0,5,4,3,0,3,7,2,37,15,27,21,4,30,0,1,0,1,17,5,0,1,18,121,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035024474835165,0.0,0.0,0.10535881373120384,0.0,0.08135129299424537,0.08464527106278916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557615633314527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351307138078285,0.08996953884682554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762906994909403,0.0,0.10993108274037716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412221226381067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051115045769246,0.0,0.06718992879259048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142594674610344,0.0,0.09589945429889468,0.0,0.051436384461926464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578280190849,0.0,0.053148320796120134,0.09758610517332328,0.0,0.0,0.08136062271392691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112768841312917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089011892493653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094865831949487,0.09041990714921283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185300743424862,0.0,0.0,0.08982707839480714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181286890698796,0.19251368062965726,0.06790376930068492,0.10313552553166623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247956249400214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478127768943697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546418916798663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711022800880284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102264043746522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459261726281273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387539492390845,0.0,0.21685555426231812,0.08123956111291547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543894578013528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809705184524441,0.1163340445226184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453308294166017,0.0,0.2981184007224579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200028061153892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445283245437342,0.0,0.0,0.3930543139863861
suicidewatch,holyshitpuppies,2019/01/07,"I made a promise 2 years ago. I promised myself and my best friend that I would give myself two years. In those two years I would actively try to better myself and to not kill myself. I have gone to multiple doctors and tried therapy, I have continued my studies, got a job, I was on medication for a bit over a year, i have tried to become closer with my family, and my friends. Yet, it’s two years later, I’m approaching my set date this Wednesday and still have no doubt I want to kill myself. I want to thank my best friend for supporting to me, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t be better. I wish you the best life has to offer, and promise you I will be better off. Thank you. I love you and always will. I’m sorry. ",2.823465527760831,3.837434409395975,4.422928615009154,87.47830994508848,74.03355704697988,7.565832824893228,22.94142769981697,8.00094639256281,0.9918805369127516,553,14,121,8,11,186,79,149,0.048,0.575,0.378,0.9951,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,4,0,6,3,19,2,1,5,0,13,4,0,1,0,18,27,9,2,6,1,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,4,0,30,16,15,16,4,20,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,12,86,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018532092294537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404160951229026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482159853669154,0.0,0.0,0.3558222325793041,0.2998707476744136,0.12338845742892116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568065533165572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654510193402893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619566800175271,0.0,0.0,0.10841898527003854,0.0,0.0,0.09039233751480613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215481015388848,0.0,0.25007954513073016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982929681213832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200487112326992,0.10694216080965922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385565759370532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530330469270557,0.0,0.0,0.09025783705581644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825364164187025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810707594970226,0.1292481038883565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019927708751514,0.0,0.3312120556430533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332412893699874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996730574566784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057218660361094,0.0,0.0,0.3639055461390322
suicidewatch,chiahri,2019/01/07,"I’m losing it I don’t know where to post or where to vent out. I’m really close of doing it tonight, I don’t care anymore,  my mom doesn’t care anymore. I’m done, I don’t want this anymore. I’m tired of pretending to be a happy girl. I’m so tired. I can’t take this anymore",-1.9017187500000008,-0.11408023437499892,1.3581250000000011,99.574375,93.53125,4.45,17.375,5.985473137389443,-0.5269312500000001,211,6,55,2,8,75,35,64,0.135,0.659,0.206,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,5,18,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,6,16,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6955751352512438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575490729058135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943743119837174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665657512947484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636428399570134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616469234327788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536036279228306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679307465208969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232963164086038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183660245026874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030634614421497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342222732547204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InitialWillingness,2019/01/07,Why do I keep going? I'm not sure why I keep going. I know sometime in the future I'm going to kill myself. I feel like for each day that I'm alive I'm just delaying the inevitable. I wish I can just do it now.,-1.8709523809523816,-0.1042258163265295,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,92.87755102040815,4.082993197278912,14.289115646258502,5.46131890053228,-1.0566761904761912,161,3,41,1,6,58,30,49,0.13699999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.161,0.0356,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,15,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,3,15,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402343980516795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285981677200056,0.1816952084338043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336291093487746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521248725562661,0.28138125913300444,0.0,0.1397745057205276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242540260836358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515413729215276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970539722703024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589910942729831,0.0,0.2924698548833561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,melon49,2019/01/07,I’m tired to be tired I’m so tired ,-6.212999999999999,-5.842662299999999,-1.84,117.16000000000004,122.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,27,0,10,0,2,10,6,10,0.635,0.365,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unlock38,2019/01/07,"How you you guys cope with it? I figured I'm not being treated nice, I'm not loved and cared for by anyone, and I don't deserve to be happy. I genuinely think I don't deserve to have a smile on my face. Yet I do consider being happy as being the drive that makes us want to live. I lost the drive, I can't find a reason to live. That moment when you realized that you've been abused mercilessly, and you can't fight back or that it's too late now. How do you cope with that, how do you fix it? Do you accept it but be mean with everyone, or kill myself, or what do you do? ",2.0176190476190503,2.618631873015876,4.0112698412698435,91.23928571428571,75.50793650793649,7.187301587301588,21.142857142857142,7.3871296695380915,0.3831809523809517,440,9,107,5,9,151,69,126,0.131,0.78,0.08800000000000001,-0.8076,0,0,0,0,2,1,15.0,1,8,0,1,8,10,2,0,4,0,17,2,1,5,0,24,26,12,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,18,7,11,19,0,9,0,1,0,1,12,1,0,3,6,77,28,0,0.0,0.24545252181795116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485214912170158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929441891491194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121497272099807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979517067817931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189341873085617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051224712784826,0.0,0.44105457305495305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22919352453791025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336872139966133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365854828989184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614126700068585,0.0,0.18697135681813676,0.0,0.13828192093721287,0.0,0.0,0.2256596230099933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129965417222656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327407349941905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491897972930786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218922983502592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZoneDesigned,2019/01/07,"I am depressed and suicidal I want to die but I can't i don't want to cause them troubles, but ik someday in a emotional unstable breakdown moment i will eventually do it. My sister and mom does not give a single fuck about my mental health and self harming myself i even talk about it, they're just done with me.I have no one to talk to, no friends, no relationships. I just want my Sister and Mom to take my mental health seriously i tried and tried talking through them they just stared at me like i was different person they don't see me as their family. i am a piece of shit.I break stuff. i can't control my anger i try not to break stuff so i self inflict myself to suppress of breaking anything. i feel broken and lost. ",1.3708137583892608,3.673276496644295,3.009660234899332,90.07140310402686,82.69127516778524,5.8726510067114095,22.735318791946305,7.1686216300943375,0.8283587248322148,574,20,120,8,16,189,84,149,0.227,0.643,0.129,-0.9511,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,5,2,7,9,2,0,3,0,11,3,0,2,0,21,20,10,2,3,7,4,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,3,3,28,2,16,16,2,6,0,2,2,1,18,2,1,0,2,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905090426703698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613234187556386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863004376980726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141374352261162,0.0,0.13753261269726555,0.13845295457290602,0.0,0.0,0.11596726884184465,0.1356117759448464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490647516281357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752679410812571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492604088645215,0.0,0.06700500972940321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238296685101424,0.12251062254381702,0.0,0.12712320267053612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28172056831038145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474153072521845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465889400199627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670936607099655,0.0,0.0,0.3104066227536607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979752884113001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570948044130955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227458396276102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559957411846267,0.0,0.2764900498384717,0.0,0.1360276748913223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034024810908608,0.1449530259883427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996369356906948,0.319538498991051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699127766499588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344873947332705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kxiv,2019/01/07,"I can't. I've had these thoughts circle for awhile, on and off.  I use to be able to keep them at bay, maybe find myself napping it off in 2 or 3 days.. Or even hours.. But now it's constant; it's been consistently ringing in my head for the last 2 1/2 months.  It has easily worsen over the course of my life, and I can't seem to see anything getting better other than shutting everything off.  I'm past the point of melt down, and feel like I'm ready for action. 

I'm constantly planning and playing it out my head to every detail, date, phone call. I don't want to live a life where I just keep constantly feeling like shit.  I keep feeling worthless.  I can't to seem to get anything right.  People's support doesn't even seem to phase me, I can't see what they see. 

It all stems from a break up, which seems so fucking stupid.  I can't help bare the weight of so much regret, in every step I've taken to this point.  I've been in a number of ltr's, and I find myself full of mistakes.  I've only ever wanted one true love, and I've poured my soul into finding it; but failing.  I'm broken beyond repair.  I find myself not wanting to be me anymore.  I lay in bed constantly trying to live inside of my dreams to the point of where I'm exhausted just sleeping.

I can't even look at anything properly.  Any thing with any sort of premicusity or love, I get this churning feeling in my stomach like I'm about to vomit. I feel like I've been a subject to the ludovico technique and it's maddening.

I want out now, but I'm helpless.  I'm stuck in another country, and I've never felt this shit in my life. ",2.7785329341317357,3.8667792125748512,4.246747305389223,88.41112694610783,74.23952095808383,6.781125748502992,25.33604790419161,7.087006719466742,0.9834626586826348,1243,40,268,12,25,414,165,334,0.134,0.752,0.114,-0.8893,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,2,3,14,20,4,0,10,0,15,15,6,1,4,51,55,16,0,6,9,0,7,4,0,0,5,1,1,0,16,12,1,3,15,3,0,2,10,10,0,1,8,12,30,10,50,45,3,46,1,4,4,3,7,29,3,8,18,153,46,1,0.08261445053237562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236131866447407,0.08662845466983446,0.0,0.0,0.08193133576304129,0.0,0.0,0.2039539607422844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306576790377496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435859084286376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571074868170222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327948607041322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636981962635835,0.07472950027308757,0.13921247541112164,0.0,0.07424854112797738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886174237832386,0.17705933990243064,0.07932282818697903,0.0,0.302032444398506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763757282856608,0.1294879218523984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957252103154602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055374724753973814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135859236060901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202945586136581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734180358771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505908883173962,0.16144499005214127,0.0,0.14590014677397126,0.0,0.06937533146614731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912553417793573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299731969664505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594206622710908,0.0,0.060731126881806125,0.0,0.06371735726989207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055981689759522564,0.06283201237958974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886484105308059,0.057274457869733675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23429207731011775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055228935696006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749906283600666,0.3008363719316337,0.0,0.0,0.16960509253985778,0.0,0.0,0.08267411370052907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374989943860797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488536999997516,0.0,0.0,0.06558664559903275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608978895652481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135235999216265,0.0,0.0,0.19491257356240424,0.0,0.0,0.10060214428587802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Siriusbrunette,2019/01/07,"Was improving, now I'm worse About a month ago, I wrote a will and was very serious about dying.  I live about 6000 miles away from my parents, and I had a breakdown and called my mom, who flew out a day later to be with me.  I got a divorce about 2 days after she left, and now I'm in a worse place than I was before.  

​

I feel guilty because I have a great family and I don't want to hurt them.  I'm doing all the right things, I'm going to the gym, I'm going to therapy, I'm taking my meds.  But I'm not getting any better, and that little voice saying ""just kill yourself, it'll all be over"", that voice just keeps getting louder.  

​

I don't know what to do.  I am literally sitting on the floor in a corner of my office crying hoping no one will come in.  I feel like no matter what I do it doesn't get better, and lately things are just getting worse and worse.  I feel even worse because I know how much it will hurt my family and they've done everything they possibly can for me and are always looking for more ways to help.  Even my ex wife is comforting me and helping me.  But I'm just spiraling further and further downwards and I don't know how to stop.  Don't even know why I'm writing this really. 

Everyone says it'll get better, there are things to live for.  But all of those good things are fleeting.  The bad things are the vast majority of life and I can't see a way to focus on the good.  I really don't want to be alive at all.  I am trying as hard as I can to be high all the time on one thing or another, because I know if I am high I won't kill myself.  But in the end that's just making things worse.  Unfortunately now when I'm not on something I have panic attacks and my anxiety spikes.  Anyways, I'm just stuck here and I don't see a way out.  Thanks for reading, if you did.  If anyone knows how to be happy, that'd be great.",2.5367528735632163,3.4285752196969703,4.217335423197493,89.1477272727273,74.58080808080808,7.17924068268896,22.99860675722745,7.503015589744147,0.7504428073841867,1441,37,327,17,29,486,183,396,0.16899999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.112,-0.9592,1,0,1,0,1,2,50.0,0,1,2,3,23,20,3,1,18,0,43,1,0,4,5,62,85,30,3,6,16,4,4,1,0,6,1,4,0,0,20,20,0,2,9,2,0,4,13,8,0,2,10,11,40,12,42,62,8,48,0,2,3,0,17,26,0,5,15,216,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255215585082496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871624066762799,0.15291561856872407,0.1714898806250438,0.04798703480584675,0.07399419513456493,0.05398249873738797,0.0,0.0,0.0493411154579964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027856890514246,0.06629871376016923,0.0,0.058919337077853226,0.12904842322834956,0.0,0.060046136967474836,0.0,0.0,0.1872286435860216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720553778304598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078602497231899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751300941516172,0.09101796179994176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323596262436942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221311919946241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625001857481656,0.0,0.0,0.13982376026063134,0.0,0.0,0.06742846467001158,0.06341982044605741,0.0,0.13304595443568654,0.0,0.1070402784899392,0.05041208610215782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843380944831756,0.0,0.08020812504385727,0.11837417192364505,0.0564377648527504,0.1555976689613236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511840433274375,0.06321292633561089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459728225753862,0.1491128832179082,0.0,0.07008757320332386,0.0,0.0,0.1510838906101067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272195673376127,0.15614078527683933,0.0,0.2326860838436559,0.0,0.07960108204661039,0.0,0.07666974206946925,0.0,0.04984257743202962,0.03447479278877128,0.07072527977743011,0.12462145344391284,0.0,0.0592573402537995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471030928300831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838248517166231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264558993139749,0.05632479691091824,0.0,0.05187384295796732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563416759115327,0.0,0.0,0.08279353948378435,0.07835475936766181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372604364503914,0.0,0.0,0.07955212294203984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058470636214226,0.0,0.09041227379526554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026264563723133,0.0,0.11223321122280216,0.0,0.0,0.112463310506757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432485433722303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899600993453734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305655695142266,0.0,0.0,0.06496733318086248,0.08069792523863094,0.0,0.3281645915655005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114737484293312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047909417349342086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822401873086391,0.08324285050059256,0.16803509070590475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367448752244673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314743129422983,0.0,0.0,0.1714898806250438,0.0
suicidewatch,depresedthrowawy1202,2019/01/07,"My Suicide Manifesto Throwaway account because I don't want this traced back to me, but I just want to vent. I read that writing things down sometimes make people feel better, so I want to try that. 
(Also sidenote: I chose the word ""Manifesto"" and not ""note"" because I like the sound of the word, and I'm not commiting suicide. At least not yet. This is just an official declaration of sorts that I *am,* in fact, suicidal.)

It's difficult to focus on your life when you constantly want to die.

Every single day, I wake up wishing I never did wake up. I've been suicidal for the past few years, and I've been hospitalized 3 times so far. It's gotten to the point were I'm making jokes about it as some sort of cry for help, but I don't want people to know. I sort of coast through the day numb and burnt out on life, meeting everything with a tired sigh. A small few of my friends know about my depression, even fewer about my hospitalizations, and almost no one knows about how much I don't want to be alive anymore.

I find talking about my depression very uncomfortable and difficult. It's hard to articulate exactly why you feel like shit when there's no one outside cause to pin the blame on. It's just *your* fucked-up brain chemistry. It's *you're* fault you're this way. That's why I hide it from my friends. Part of me feels like I don't need to tell; like depression is something I have to keep to myself, and another part feels like I just can't. No one will understand. They'll just label me as ""crazy"" or ""selfish,"" or ""weak."" Just writing and posting this is taking alot of courage from me.

I tried to fill that hole, that hole in my soul that lets any amount of happiness I have escape, but I just can't. Video games? Anime? Memes? Drugs? Porn? These provide a very brief sense of relief, but that's all: brief. In some cases, these solutions just make the hole bigger. Like romance, or family. 

I've never been one to self harm (I hate pain and sharp things), but I feel like I have the same challenge as, say, a cutter: to hide my pain from others so it doesn't alarm or upset anyone. I have slipped-up in the past; letting my fake smile droop for a second to long or making one too many self-deprecating, depressing jokes; pushing it past the realm of being funny and making everyone uncomfortable, but I've gotten really good at hiding my pain. To others, I'm just the ugly but witty smart guy; the one who *helps* people as troubled as me.

That's another thing: *Ugly.* Ugly ugly ugly *ugly.* I'm a very ugly individual. No girl has ever dated me; I've only ever been a rebound for 1 girl my entire miserable existance. The best compliment I ever got from a girl was ""average."" They say you have to be happy with yourself first before you should find someone, but all these couples I see holding hands, making out, groping each other, rubbing in the fact that they fuck and suck each other and that they're soooooo fucking happy. It's like rubbing salt onto an already infected gnash, or bragging about how beautiful and stylish your hair is to a terminal cancer patient. Or how much pussy you get to a guy who has AIDS.

Going back to my suicidal tendencies for a bit (this ramble isn't very well organized, I know), I wish for death every waking moment. Fantasize about it constantly. Always coming up with methods, imagining what would happen; I even practice tying my nooses daily. I probably would even try if I wasn't such a pussy and a pathetic coward. Life is too hard and I just can't deal with it. It feels like I'm on a conveyor belt, inching closer and closer to a giant trashfire incinerator. There's nothing I can do, and frankly I'm scared. I just want out. I just want this suffering to end.

I don't know how to end this, so I'm just gonna end it here. Bye.",3.0080041300980898,4.971418696644296,4.2120805369127545,85.27831698502841,75.45637583892619,7.215487867836863,24.481672689726377,8.089152775773815,1.4438256066081565,2959,97,583,49,65,968,328,745,0.253,0.62,0.127,-0.9989,0,0,3,0,0,6,129.0,0,8,3,4,48,53,5,4,33,0,43,22,7,11,11,124,94,49,7,15,32,0,13,9,2,6,12,3,0,6,45,27,0,2,15,5,1,6,20,26,2,8,11,18,67,26,81,72,19,61,1,6,1,3,33,27,4,15,36,374,112,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054918545512208185,0.0,0.060521940074885275,0.0438588880757318,0.045634769074235366,0.0,0.0,0.03729593766600689,0.115017854324637,0.0,0.0,0.054390710750481935,0.038348340837022696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434361115142508,0.0,0.06686503230291398,0.0,0.04666837595788675,0.0,0.05755560579140341,0.048505239305627945,0.05987566344724301,0.0,0.0,0.061224266871818527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056340102407956616,0.0,0.047243423301823316,0.0,0.11853419599108952,0.0,0.0,0.06068406573835529,0.060243779994929934,0.07073994556054597,0.056541963482325215,0.18894892134005656,0.0,0.05691962231047663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360186178713098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572705155935745,0.0,0.0,0.10867223340650793,0.1488291602728298,0.09241721024595473,0.052405984771138524,0.04929043187843142,0.0,0.051702232107318884,0.0,0.16638525678716798,0.1959035423303932,0.0,0.0,0.10025321305667406,0.04665044972644414,0.0,0.0,0.08474498796897567,0.10140516096447387,0.028653831640697017,0.0,0.031169223562637276,0.04600071410112986,0.043863918003545235,0.0,0.0,0.10860876403443237,0.04849854620633931,0.17514801676530534,0.098259263979844,0.0541472944904584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735218243161996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048748046177408806,0.0,0.0,0.15070469405420325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121638235584675,0.1162142442352954,0.2411469588172331,0.0,0.0,0.04853539242673181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965358199455226,0.05560341212087565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063359702403855,0.04066628043832022,0.0845984583743389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052624490436566286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298310164304214,0.04171148656837313,0.1750742914029365,0.0,0.0,0.11878185125903665,0.15706498807148014,0.1140661912455452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184549757193388,0.0,0.05252558464058047,0.0,0.05913132519054665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485904305833689,0.0,0.035134599807564316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722862053796683,0.05490861328827069,0.0,0.043703727843814766,0.0,0.1144289263525608,0.0,0.05629678464430358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646931390270962,0.04222174571263808,0.05424231758531018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29995327399830635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123601403669366,0.044081691654866806,0.04793624941330951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930815137943073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03198009490419429,0.06303534164564227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170683812649727,0.0,0.0,0.057094747882161574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100883974486706,0.2587882477816748,0.04353277431446032,0.0,0.0,0.04931152361704974,0.0,0.09897672265687732,0.0,0.1261362500208798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791949428984588,0.0,0.0,0.035317867588639924
suicidewatch,OddRamos,2019/01/07,"So close Um it’s 7 in the morning still haven’t slept a wink. I just attempted to hang myself yet my clumsy ass didn’t tie the chord well enough and it slipped between itself. (Amp cable) 
 This is not my first attempt but this is my closet For a second my body just panicked cause I knew I was going. If I didn’t realize my nephew home I would of gone again. Oh well he’ll be in school soon. 
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. 

Let’s see how this week plays out I guess 
",-1.2518910256410225,0.7939634903846162,0.729384615384614,102.18228205128209,96.78846153846152,3.542564102564103,14.625641025641027,5.2151,-1.1757466666666665,369,8,90,2,15,120,78,104,0.067,0.862,0.071,-0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,11,3,0,0,4,0,10,3,3,2,0,16,19,5,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,0,3,2,6,1,13,3,7,9,1,13,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,2,6,59,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622182890979339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688191219358053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24861146112080526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25006155281936404,0.0,0.15984566099899758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585401823472807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754015134367115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26660186393887164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275627628997354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330026485052613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474721456650097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24492755889533024,0.1928510451933856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326990783765308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412623521557285,0.0,0.4351930299223773,0.0,0.21837684513331576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719173244035235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BobbyBao,2019/01/07,Hopeless alcoholic Plans to hang himself today.,8.984285714285715,13.571590285714295,7.368571428571433,54.701428571428615,74.71428571428571,8.514285714285714,49.85714285714285,8.841846274778883,7.216828571428572,40,3,3,1,1,12,7,7,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,1,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7481280137039223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635544251313706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAccount1326,2019/01/07,"Why shouldn't i do it? 24 years old, male. I’ve been planning. Specifically, go somewhere quiet and inject a shit ton of insulin. I’m aware it’s a slow and unpleasant death, but it’s a way to die, and we can’t own guns in the UK, which would be my preferred method. I have nobody to confide in or get help from for Type 1 Diabetes and Autism. I’m probably going to be fired from my crap job in a week’s time. My family doesn't understand depression, autism or Type 1 Diabetes and acts as though I'm just looking for attention, ignoring the fact that I've spent most of my life hiding from people after years of getting burnt. I haven’t been able to get more than two hours’ sleep for a couple of days, since all I can think about is easy it would be to give up and finally do it.

I’m booked for my first therapy session in two weeks’ time, but it feels like an eternity right now. I’m completely alone right now, like I have been for most of my fucking life. I’m sick of hearing empty platitudes like ‘it gets better’ or just straight up guilt-tripping, which is what every conversation I’ve had has been like. I have nothing to offer the world and the world has spent most of its time kicking me while I’m down. Just posting here as a last, pathetic whimper.",4.213235294117645,4.789075375968995,5.010218878248973,86.17274281805746,70.43410852713178,8.7062471500228,27.57957136342909,8.841846274778883,1.833862471500228,989,32,214,17,17,321,149,258,0.152,0.75,0.097,-0.9441,1,1,1,1,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,3,8,10,3,0,11,0,24,10,3,0,2,30,46,16,2,4,8,0,2,4,0,3,6,2,0,1,12,8,0,1,5,1,2,3,4,5,0,3,7,5,14,5,33,33,7,36,0,1,1,1,7,12,3,6,23,124,26,5,0.1306630829051902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532754796576915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556087860683617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699775645690868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445762159830366,0.0,0.084266878986699,0.0,0.11253992184374938,0.0,0.13560765101523292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008928280017866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231775258464318,0.0,0.06606718070322716,0.09334573253518633,0.0,0.1431350205616005,0.0,0.11114195156988793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079591466898075,0.27306427159237723,0.12534393527177962,0.14851768229389353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472667907377601,0.0,0.08758071021176964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286768165878902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296629481389605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650785193709407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845823992447479,0.25534152904089946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972408130202198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537475205036347,0.0,0.1371089256126375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058532967002034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513911481102502,0.0,0.14087690299083358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231711177401534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412377692322247,0.10808585241421564,0.0,0.13075744622100946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942462270267515,0.0,0.0,0.0837236275815981,0.12837581554164182,0.0,0.22857208322008424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552776918197105,0.13602487738541785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037142733442498,0.2096200872617605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179031089794746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563861037770785,0.0,0.0,0.1682854828669851
suicidewatch,_murtaza__,2019/01/07,"I hate myself I have a lot of criticisms for myself.I dislike so many things about who I am and I wanna change and fix things but I feel so unmotivated.I feel alone even when I’m surrounded by people and I am scared about my future.If I am honest,I don’t like myself I hate how I look and how I talk I wish I was someone else I hate so many things about myself. Recently it’s been difficult to distract myself from these thoughts and idk what to do. Most people would think I’m suicidal or something like that but I’m not .Im just confused and lost.",0.7346419098143215,2.983509758620692,2.640000000000001,92.02807692307691,85.0344827586207,5.638196286472149,19.26790450928382,7.010146845296331,0.28150742705570275,436,12,95,6,13,145,69,116,0.305,0.598,0.097,-0.9794,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,3,3,1,0,9,0,0,2,0,23,22,15,1,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,4,3,18,2,10,17,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,4,4,66,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729365110672227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663819443846746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948680626253415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028590255287188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885590404333473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945619272592274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036245412840946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315182616799032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021756904387078,0.0,0.182273746569558,0.1419568044144785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385743882431056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315199100625107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486840074407355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717184651311953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147800401605085,0.1285460835940807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826443600704228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420877618375826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327937897302256,0.1069913130437823,0.0,0.13256008747325082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201386235641252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186147760772584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cereus97,2019/01/07,"How would I go about ending my life while making it look like an accident? I guess my question is based off of my experiences throughout life... I'm a student in college and for as long as I can remember, I've always felt like (or been made to feel like) I'm basically a useless waste of space. Even when I try to make things better, I always seem to do the opposite. When I try to be kind, it backfires atleast 60-80% of the time, when I try to do well in school, it's always failed, when I've tried to hold keep my family from falling apart (since I was like 7 years old) all i seem to do is make everyone hate ME. When I tried to get my friends to stop using (narcotics), THEY began to hate ME and then 3 months after our falling out, not one but TWO of them had overdosed (one of them was fatal ) ... At this point I'm honestly just of the opinion that i'll stop wasting everybody's time and enegy (including mine) and just end it all... but i've been reading online and researching abit more on how to do it.. i've decided to give myself a week then I'm out... I have already put all my things in order but seeing as suicide is already a pretty selfish act, I do not want to burden my loved ones any more than I already have with guilt and self-blame. Hence the question above. Thanks in advance",4.116311962987442,4.4033412921348365,5.163758537122714,86.01487772637147,70.53558052434455,8.229918484247634,28.06543291473893,8.124751697461798,1.626304428288169,1003,33,218,13,17,331,151,267,0.149,0.732,0.118,-0.7766,0,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,1,0,3,3,12,19,2,1,9,0,18,3,0,7,3,43,44,23,2,2,8,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,4,8,1,0,6,2,8,1,4,8,4,28,11,37,34,5,40,0,2,2,1,9,12,0,7,25,136,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390368310838996,0.0,0.2556406399899042,0.0,0.0,0.06964249385121073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057355952127127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141020045422024,0.0,0.0,0.06764101597860303,0.0,0.0,0.09785739950753766,0.0,0.10017689282544068,0.09654328613139096,0.0,0.05178170844637679,0.07316191572579668,0.09832991709128028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912191880524183,0.0,0.05350513805876707,0.09824126052722232,0.05820211519407514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281645573555894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022178746318773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102695142219253,0.0,0.10664453451975316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144670801452216,0.2001299354734242,0.0,0.0,0.09062986427408047,0.08599883220460039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242926498627002,0.09690307149876264,0.20507894680704805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174289864772777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746234871685327,0.0,0.20818754342853465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681080492466787,0.0,0.0,0.10418805943289644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295060497009888,0.2294458750872392,0.0,0.10243798139859388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601086964466753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364465836168782,0.08160772427534267,0.1864609229536707,0.10683624408741242,0.0,0.0,0.08471483174122542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712391388938825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202021103288767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428561526844972,0.0,0.0,0.13607366265106788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943250134485438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476492469962033,0.0,0.10003995077412606,0.0,0.0,0.08844959014520158,0.0,0.0,0.06040422926317625,0.0,0.08214733947745358,0.0,0.0920791296641477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274931589822974,0.0,0.0,0.06594885476284826
suicidewatch,zbeara,2019/01/07,Do you ever wish that your suicidal thoughts would make people care about you? And then get uncomfortable because you realize that it’s the *only* way to get people to care about you so you don’t tell anyone and get more suicidal?,5.7067424242424245,6.903982250000002,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,67.4090909090909,9.503030303030306,28.303030303030305,9.725611199111238,2.5781757575757585,185,6,34,4,3,59,30,44,0.21,0.631,0.159,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,11,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,4,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683338846520528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672911731004078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573706371258416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288910374869468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515571269031406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971971320798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058766125608335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31099802306767177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906881217345398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604510290949592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806643554209908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803619024989176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579300051486239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933385969561692,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suryadevimusic,2019/01/07,"Just took 10 grams of Ibuprofren, 25 grams of dried Blue Lotus and a half of a fresh nutmeg seed i blended 50 ibuprofren in with 25 grams of blue lotus i just bought and half of a fresh nutmeg seed into a smoothie and drank it over about 10 minutes..  


its been close 30 minutes maybe a bit more...? i cantremeber how i got back to bed?  
i did this all on an empty stomach and  up with a 10 chamomille tea bags and 4 bags of kava with ginger, lemon and honey.

its taken me much longer to write this than i woud have hoped as its getting hard to type and i am starting to experience hallucinations, like moving patterns on top of the world and the room is breathing and glowing. lights and colors are changing shifting and it feels like i am tripping but there is this overwhelmig sens e of panic in waves and my body feels heacy. like its a separate thing from ...whateve is typing right now.  
i am feeling waves of hot & cold...mostly cold i think now though and sweating alot.  
i have overdosed on many things so many times.... i have hung myself, tried to shoot myself only to have the gun misfire as i brought it close to my head alarming neighbors... ive tried it all but jumping from something or in traffic. i am hoping this is a painless and peaceful way to leave my family at peace that is least traumatiizing to others.

i am very sleepy and my heart feels a bit weird.

i gave a feeling i culd might survice this though or i could work with it andd fnally go to seleep.  
i c  
she took my son from me. i rescued her from a catfishing scenario and trusted he rr when i got sick.

that bitch took my only chidl and wont even let me see photos of my 2 year old baby booy

i tiss better f or me to die tather than wind up killign people i guees in anger or killing myself in a away that hirts others.  


i fuckning hate you for betrayung me elise

you stol my son you phony spoiled bitch  
i almost killed peple because of you and the main raeson i amd oing this is so i dont wind up doing that in the end.  


i hoep you die from cancer  
you and my mom fiucking dont care about if ash lives  


you deserved every blast and post - i dont care how vute or pretty or how much of a goddess you want to seel yourslef as. you were a fucking hooker, plain and simple... and accor ding to gaia subren you got on seekingarrangements to give those men handjobds on your own accord. you ruined miy life and only cared about yourself.  


all i see is lght and my head is ringing/?  


i miss my babty. i never got to hear his voice or talk to him. or eveen sing him a son.g  


what the fuck kidn of mother ARE you yuo bitch?!  


i hate yuo.  


i loved my llife  
",2.0092820768082085,3.9505651688555368,2.931794616533292,93.41717502010187,78.36210131332079,5.026442547000039,21.38411762453574,5.5774198320480926,-0.029462962821150906,2037,56,434,9,49,645,283,533,0.16399999999999998,0.735,0.101,-0.9932,1,1,1,2,0,1,55.0,0,13,0,3,18,26,10,2,23,0,31,15,7,3,4,65,68,46,4,5,13,4,7,4,2,2,3,3,3,1,25,31,2,0,6,1,1,8,5,15,0,2,15,19,73,11,65,49,12,44,0,2,6,3,32,24,5,14,13,278,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467870175313548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916251354912977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079450728290965,0.06502455069468556,0.0,0.05154947272623571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479004868606147,0.18464412704422847,0.09393161916642948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586561185519504,0.0,0.08945757421815048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751752957378541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552830930158278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973253838887225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748986668727142,0.0,0.0,0.055853771287704565,0.0,0.0712488769529992,0.0,0.0,0.08271988791467902,0.0797194800363715,0.0,0.21379067556920064,0.060412589148743825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635624180233526,0.04418123679272908,0.08112156237036754,0.0480597102731106,0.0,0.2705344502993447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575279745147481,0.16697902532314754,0.17357426696000372,0.0,0.09530985383547913,0.10020883117842401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798240627394606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711523048613068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954114099677839,0.0,0.08647249188789455,0.0597301041344284,0.12394120063880686,0.0,0.07467162389163816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632237559037894,0.0,0.0,0.17146939007675072,0.08495597540423558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970911567719618,0.0,0.09904041779511613,0.0,0.08987822447882263,0.1243286443586392,0.0,0.06522102468885696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873576720328018,0.0,0.0,0.19294435957074013,0.0,0.09921771685599956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862607915359835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098900425540326,0.08603206143910658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221725449966182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477323192268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510155320669288,0.0,0.0,0.059854884632977785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796939696056524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236122228556117,0.05418524208616548,0.1661675406110016,0.0,0.0493099897889184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818613828618272,0.11482690642145894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697742147597,0.04987807999724245,0.06712302334812001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615636507695277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445648911860484
suicidewatch,rowezo,2019/01/07,"Why do I want to kill myself? I had a pretty good 2018. I had a loving girlfriend which was the best thing that’s happened to me. I was in my final year of school and school captain, had great friends around me and lots of support, overall I was doing well. At times I felt depressed and more often towards the end of the year I started to feel suicidal, I wasn’t sure why.

Skip forward to November, I hadn’t received my results yet but I’m moving interstate for Uni. My girlfriend decided it wouldn’t work (I guess i can’t blame her). Two days later she had already gotten with another guy and maybe even more that weekend. I felt horrible and all my thoughts came back and I cried so much and wanted to kill myself with even more eagerness than before.

Seeing her live a new life and not care about me is so hard, I wanted to be with her for so long but she doesn’t care about it anymore, seeing her be with other guys is heartbreaking.

I’m moving interstate in just over a month and now I have to live with an emptiness in my body knowing that my time at home is worthless, I have nothing to live for here and feel like I have a collapsed friendship now school is over. I really wish I would just go to bed and not wake up, I want to die but I don’t have the balls to kill myself.

The only person who knows about my thoughts of depression and suicide is my now ex-girlfriend, who I told shortly after we broke up, as I believed she deserved to know considering I kept everyone anonymous to it.

I’m sorry for the long post but has anyone else felt like this? Feel like you have a great life but for some reason feel so shit. I’ve been told things will be better once I move but i’m in doubt. I’m just going to miss her more because I will be there alone with not many people I know well, and I know she will be back home having the best time without me. Please has anyone else felt like this or been in a similar situation? I’m running out of ways to cope and I know it has the possibility to get worse and I might take that final step.",3.0865714285714283,4.358359073809524,4.0258928571428605,89.57598214285713,73.73809523809524,6.773809523809526,24.55357142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.8606428571428575,1601,48,344,16,32,516,198,420,0.204,0.665,0.131,-0.9926,0,1,0,0,0,5,33.0,1,1,0,4,24,30,4,1,16,0,41,6,3,2,2,74,87,27,6,7,14,0,9,4,3,6,2,0,3,3,16,25,0,1,18,2,0,10,10,11,2,1,22,11,56,19,53,54,10,50,0,6,2,1,24,16,1,7,28,238,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276765107311077,0.07753310347685859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736732099962778,0.0,0.0,0.06967854301397318,0.09825414963908387,0.14397831776433864,0.0,0.06254584935735147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805043465103692,0.0,0.04282953803290772,0.0,0.05978565818879415,0.07915839483897164,0.14746601757896874,0.06213881666053265,0.0,0.07804246373084038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035814870061696,0.1432684821148768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717675974042806,0.045311563974211794,0.0,0.12102880585100932,0.0,0.07291826668149415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738559063989905,0.0,0.06222906136159904,0.0,0.0,0.09281147197575833,0.0,0.0,0.06713596152138983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142101253589924,0.10038679923473563,0.2698405460788136,0.153931692240573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428231409315229,0.0,0.036707688003024715,0.0,0.07986018401872506,0.05893033372689764,0.0,0.15492268980656862,0.07739875849305253,0.13913589898070242,0.06213024230288507,0.0,0.06293871009656038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095201078975558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331951751437605,0.0,0.2316766968956093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925272292583727,0.13730096768192893,0.0,0.1861212726130304,0.12435489009954274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973211294329425,0.06341194032128955,0.0,0.0,0.07123210360242961,0.07058510955140439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453422466995542,0.0,0.0,0.05608046122090138,0.2240241827936374,0.05164881540512933,0.0,0.0,0.06785706126377664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741588351904768,0.0,0.0,0.07482407265759984,0.0,0.05343551446430398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870908961890082,0.06134788387223225,0.0,0.07712383059180203,0.0,0.07920702763912929,0.06728917784330196,0.07147916850719528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045010033702279066,0.07223846594572714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133190897372628,0.11197544721951412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212036533925481,0.0,0.07897461983629693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864975610655991,0.049730034513790926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370497510395476,0.07972964604753106,0.0662187456519505,0.0,0.052826398812137285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335457743400384,0.0,0.0,0.11155638716135538,0.12290663539562785,0.0,0.0,0.13427192304277966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863332072559443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576348981067876,0.055768719432680566,0.0,0.0,0.12634345357969826,0.0,0.12679653808289704,0.0,0.08079495562230056,0.06772764913616472,0.0,0.051149751542195414,0.0,0.07160043119506015,0.04991033174220799,0.0,0.0,0.09048962670211297
suicidewatch,GreenishRainbow,2019/01/07,"I Wish My Family Was Normal I haven't had a depressive episode in a while since starting my new medication but this one hit me like a ton of bricks and I just cant stop thinking or shaking. I have school tomorrow and its nearly 6 am. I just wish my family went back to how it was and everyone was happy again, I just want this to end. I want my mom and dad to love each other and love us the way they used to. I hate how things are and I want things to change so badly but theres nothing I can do.",-0.5582427664079042,1.4926624770642218,1.861651376146792,96.64938602681723,89.36697247706422,5.555681016231475,16.64149611856034,7.010146845296331,-0.15703726182074762,386,9,94,6,13,131,72,109,0.101,0.628,0.27,0.9583,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,1,0,9,8,1,1,4,0,11,3,0,3,0,24,24,13,0,6,6,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,5,0,17,4,8,18,2,13,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,9,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666426525756588,0.13753948052749032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742584575981128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418784183296348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458985030553837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740292514196655,0.0,0.0,0.31057836640607384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535408275771455,0.0,0.16263300038234316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047689140146104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973436194048916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659442972959815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292531231355398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909357209478692,0.0,0.0,0.161396682711496,0.15805921337027906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162272340051786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667116894948024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626319916616314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659403876099578,0.0,0.0,0.13771846327580192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887351026949628,0.10554988544055292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814531355721496,0.14227053126820932,0.0,0.0,0.2914793084064397,0.1307519751143922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270282011872058,0.0,0.0,0.3788539573567789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaponeAl49,2019/01/07,"I dont understand these others, but my reason hell ya These people om here whining about this and that...they can change their lives its within them. Ive not 100 percent commited yet im waiting to see how some things pan out. Heres the deal i am almost like one of those sick people that need assisted suicide. Basically most my life was fair then in 2012 or so i started using etc, this led to commiting crime to support my habits. This led to a psychotic and crazy lifestyle i lost contact with my child who is 14 now. Well then i had another kid over a yr ago and i cleaned up my life, started rebuilding, was gonna marry baby mama. Then bam here comes the fuck face cops talking about i was under years and years of investigation. They hit me with so many charges im facing up to 1570 yrs for non violent crimes ... Jnsane. Its because i did some shit to piss the cops ofc so alot of the case is fabricated and they are saying im things i never was. They clearly want to lock me away til im very old. And i had just got to a spot in life being a great dad and trying to rebuild with the other child. Then if that wasn't bad enough this has put me in a position of being far away and alone all the time...no holidays with family nothing. Well the woman i love who swears to support me thick n thin no matter what even tho i know she would be gone quick if i went . .. She was gone woth the baby the whole holidays and i been going through the worst time of my life crying all night sometimes constantly thinking bout killing myself and i wrote her a ton of letters n shit and tried to communicate and this bitch didnt even take 10 seconds to let me facetime with my baby on christmas has totally falken off already distant does not respond for hours never initiates communication she says im trippin but ya fucking right clearly she cant handle this or me or idk but i don't like veing lied to when im sitting here losing my fucking life. Ill prob never see either of my kids again. Im totally fucked. Ive been considering like a particular way of suicide thats crazy but easy",1.9632111752064247,4.194277788598576,3.398620631150326,88.54966943784643,79.90261282660333,6.194796968668704,23.325472231648003,7.35660576581511,0.9735462730460362,1643,56,336,23,42,538,241,421,0.227,0.662,0.111,-0.997,0,1,0,0,1,3,31.0,0,2,5,2,21,25,11,0,18,0,29,17,5,5,11,62,58,32,3,5,13,1,2,3,0,2,7,2,1,5,21,19,0,1,4,2,0,8,11,16,2,2,18,6,46,9,45,33,15,50,1,3,2,5,29,17,9,10,26,222,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755431296747932,0.0,0.0763118901665166,0.0789291113700599,0.0840980692511687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991134674587255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320094960041996,0.0,0.06363098573749976,0.04645604643650173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061857866220447,0.06564694852119785,0.0,0.08235440743270939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371155279716788,0.0,0.07856770544120152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666906468152221,0.0,0.08931589474600256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874384075918588,0.08499271776881104,0.10067010409108508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184267210901274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818144374970252,0.0,0.0,0.043311095421469714,0.0,0.060950967687509724,0.08402023465898555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505010576101907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762284493146402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431350872010338,0.0,0.041882245616597084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792844206104828,0.2691418888086768,0.11169499643284986,0.0,0.06729357728684274,0.0,0.0,0.0852579138801245,0.08319067358329216,0.0,0.06878122388177689,0.0,0.0,0.07726354438335538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650770058358515,0.17633027796459194,0.0,0.0,0.0715165950702128,0.0,0.07312419323580656,0.0,0.07996809091853566,0.0,0.051640909893211406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566687539224696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661067747606352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835511851418665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650817157019239,0.0,0.1212082521083947,0.0,0.0,0.1214567519215578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645403593396776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537223980244237,0.0,0.1078816582558717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667196469750456,0.17296119964236228,0.0,0.0,0.057299372092321374,0.06125357437175119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125919595494748,0.04883138448178279,0.0,0.0,0.08887567822790013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348125431281532,0.0,0.0,0.07933582524504264,0.0,0.06581974943685012,0.0,0.06288006432502974,0.04494979828059722,0.06049082802803594,0.0,0.0,0.13704134146711422,0.07064612234818071,0.0,0.08508416425189039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413639267590781,0.0,0.0,0.09815166105375964
suicidewatch,293idhe10,2019/01/07,"February 3rd February 3rd is going to be my 16th birthday, I plan on shooting myself in the head with my uncles handgun. I've been depressed for 4 years, and have  had 2 suicide attempts. I have mild autism, I have problems from an abusive family member as well. I'm failing every single one of my classes in school. I just want it all to stop, I usually feel like I dont want to die, I just want to not be here/not live. But for once I genuinely want to die. I feel like suicide is the only way to actually be heard. I've tried to reach out to so many people but they either dont care or dont believe me. I also found out that I will most likely not have enough money to actually even go to college. Idk if I'll even be able to get a job if I cant even handle 10th grade. I feel selfish for thinking this way.  But I dont see another way to think.",2.0725824175824172,3.148867357142862,4.2624175824175845,87.65758241758243,75.97802197802197,6.958241758241758,25.08791208791209,7.447530270364453,1.0937648351648357,657,22,146,8,14,228,111,182,0.14300000000000002,0.772,0.085,-0.9348,2,0,0,2,0,4,18.0,0,0,1,3,8,9,0,0,4,0,18,1,1,0,1,29,35,10,4,7,11,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,1,2,7,4,1,1,4,5,20,5,24,26,5,13,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,4,6,92,23,6,0.10945332180428394,0.1296842883984454,0.21362130649898936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752978190248988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477135132272558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331641236571135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159495626097267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427198568650623,0.0,0.22719053516383456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131139119552631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309454014101035,0.0,0.2168786603185995,0.0,0.0922191443031698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318285070089576,0.0,0.16602866462577992,0.15638694993357646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000991789309602,0.0,0.0,0.057184843123477325,0.0,0.12440969026833072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233068545530034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861553296613737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042009299821136,0.0,0.09664928843099654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096848893138064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656421555157445,0.0741684035288156,0.0832441833877344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588115188062848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473204697270816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107726050999016,0.08722012650866898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150787802370228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394483381217956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026653816150966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431162080037071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054737051858888,0.0,0.2582336201517981,0.26063685664640146,0.0,0.0,0.09841168111756383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048435067384201
suicidewatch,MrRandomUnknownpp,2019/01/07,"Turned 26: I know how silly it is to kill myself, but don't see any reason not to. I haven't done anything great. I've inherited bad anger issues from my dad. My girlfriend doesn't want to be with me anymore.. Our relationship is toxic.

My friends are done dealing with my mood swings (fair enough) so I don't talk to them any more.

Could stay alive and keep the struggle or could die; easier for most? I feel a slight bit of sadness coming to this conclusion, but I feel more clarity. I'm really not going to be missed for long.

I don't have enough drive to fulfil my goals. I'm lazy. I don't have a profession. My current apprentice trainer thinks I'm not good enough.

I don't believe in heaven or hell. I feel negative about everything in every day Life. Nothing impresses me any more.

The only thing stopping me ending it is due to unorganised crap that I haven't sorted, a few things I want to do and a couple people I don't want to hurt.

Why do they matter though? There's nothing after death; so it's not my worry?

Make me think outside the box please.. ",1.661061310782241,3.897968190697674,3.2046194503171246,89.4933562367865,81.04651162790698,6.141649048625793,20.935517970401694,7.348242739294969,0.6708139534883721,831,24,172,12,22,273,128,215,0.265,0.621,0.115,-0.9904,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,2,2,6,16,4,1,7,0,23,2,1,3,0,33,42,10,3,5,8,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,8,0,1,3,14,9,0,0,2,4,27,6,20,36,9,13,2,3,1,0,9,2,2,4,7,108,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24946017802526504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212671516510556,0.0,0.0,0.10062456835277957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020972183843642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776569738931949,0.0,0.0,0.13349616247476687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533187191355944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525844102732687,0.13529854089341078,0.0,0.07885934553633439,0.1260634907257362,0.0,0.0,0.12690550234415196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502661763278709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830222181492154,0.3790383103405038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302468652668212,0.0,0.10989579277551187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548264849738655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447186078194056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694935386661131,0.10256118178983603,0.0,0.1348121854040138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090137923307987,0.0,0.0,0.1276267081129877,0.0,0.10868651332040398,0.135282749634905,0.0,0.0672009199226545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636873334459665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821238981150527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162167114842897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465852805661536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299810753499033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477233165474722,0.0,0.0,0.1342247822031932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833456824289246,0.12572239065221796,0.0,0.13128106268396655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974399216157584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033232852164134,0.0,0.10223007944121364,0.0,0.12783176032844468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828261321072072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247245147963696,0.15670191079593127,0.12013774472298908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330036062422037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636861278495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033708762713366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241794828343736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cosmikitty69,2019/01/07,"Im so done I am a lesbian, I've it known for a long time but for some stupid reason I dated my only (at the time) male friend. I was desperate to be happy I thought he was the only person that could love me and that I was unlovable and unwanted and this was my only chance to have someone that liked me. I wasn't attracted to him I was attracted to the though of someone, anyone liking me. We dated for a week after just a day or two I became the most suicidal I've ever been in my life and then broke up not even a few days later. I regret being so dumb but he was my best friend and I hurt him. We haven't been close since and I talked to him about why we aren't anymore he said he can't get close to me because he was hurt last time. I feel like I'm doomed to be alone forever, I can't get close to anyone, I'm a danger to everyone's emotions. My friendships are so shallow I wish I could have a connection again but I feel like I can't I'll just hurt someone again. I haven't talk to anyone for awhile with the exception of yet another shallow friend that I play games with. What if I just hurt someone again? U feel so unlovable, my mom hates me and it seems like everyone else does",0.9314818417639436,2.667705758754863,2.8656274319066166,93.59016618028537,80.90661478599222,5.995395590142674,20.435959792477306,6.996647511020387,0.2824372243839166,928,25,214,11,24,311,122,257,0.25,0.564,0.18600000000000005,-0.9739,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,1,15,27,4,0,12,0,26,3,0,1,1,40,39,18,1,6,10,1,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,8,15,0,0,7,2,0,0,8,13,0,1,13,4,37,14,24,21,4,24,1,7,0,2,22,6,1,5,23,140,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048661311147408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617114040621216,0.0,0.0,0.10041438908404564,0.21239243784853135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172204110903803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625731699699703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168234185693034,0.0,0.0,0.13059782303429324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860596542462564,0.10361554989217253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458272705997565,0.11389443211606555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687573286777726,0.0915878771729129,0.0,0.19350050302826927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358756745725646,0.14466833950929836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468022601903826,0.0,0.1057995734719166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778422062701512,0.0,0.09996500177679908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335677666041488,0.0,0.109369112665018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825335752688721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151700585593017,0.2473321088901137,0.0,0.0,0.08960448782959703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138353031749437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858466081836964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23101923382276002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840899958820643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104103517561413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631346661608683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217566215795336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375637733260867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431606391835202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075282652757913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276441606439213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947919183429564,0.08038246769155591,0.17712188248759103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098908109632658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121793339755001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136382851039776,0.0,0.11643435351768094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NGC_Phoenix_7,2019/01/07,This good enough? I have 65 ibuprofen and 32 Tylenol at easy access. That enough to kill me or will it just be a few hours of stomach pain ,0.9440229885057472,3.0358190344827563,1.2006896551724149,103.67160919540231,82.79310344827587,3.866666666666666,20.011494252873558,3.1291,-0.8487333333333336,108,3,26,0,3,32,28,29,0.217,0.625,0.158,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7172977343171041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911324580646461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34182527994329565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840166303432467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693407069580769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salmonasparagus,2019/01/07,"Im on the verge of ending my life I don’t know how to cope with my problems that I face,...I’m tired, I’m hurt, I’m sad and most of all I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m tired of living my life and have to face endless problems that I can’t seem to find an answer or solution for it. ",0.7092857142857127,0.9853399285714308,3.0185714285714305,98.35642857142858,78.28571428571428,6.171428571428572,19.714285714285715,5.6839178017228535,-0.459628571428572,225,4,63,1,5,78,43,70,0.253,0.7140000000000001,0.033,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,1,1,15,12,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,10,11,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105760878988813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729935360870786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451648061824017,0.0,0.2568109881586738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613225579933377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335859960759938,0.0,0.0,0.20993776114706952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549896190389027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643883091076355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5465177055765297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MichaelJordanOfDumb,2019/01/07,"I want to die I'm sorry this won't be too coherent, it's I don't know what time and I've been asleep for what seems like a week and I'm too sad to put sentences together well. I honestly just feel like throwing up and crying but I can't do either. I've lost everything and I don't know what to do. I've been depressed for 11 years. in all that time I've never made a friend to talk to about it, or had anybody to support me. this past year I finally made a friend who I talked to every single day and we helped each other. she hasn't initiated a conversation with me in nearly a month now. Another support friend won't talk to me either. I don't know why. we helped each other, I thought. I tried so hard to be perfect for them. I became an object to be used to help them, specifically so they wouldn't feel like they had to leave me on the occasions that I needed them, and they did anyway. my education is shit, my family is struggling, my casual friends barely exist, my mind barely works anymore, and I just spent a whole Christmas, birthday, and new years asleep because I couldn't handle being awake. I actually called a hotline for the first time in my birthday. having someone to listen to me made me feel something, even if all they gave were the standard canned responses. I want to die so badly. I know that none of you give a shit. I know you're just here to see if anyone has been through the same stuff as you. I know I'll get nothing from this. I don't know what I'm writing anymore I'm sorry. I'm going to keep going though because coming up with these words is the only thing keeping me from going insane until the sleeping pills kick in and I can go back to sleep. I'm planning on talking to one of the friends tomorrow. I'm going to ask why they let me believe that I was important to them. I don't know why they would do that to me. I really don't ask for much. I'm sorry for who I am. I don't want to be this. 
this isn't making much sense. I'm going to submit anyway. what do I have to lose. I feel broken, as a human. I don't know how I'm still here. my soul hurts. my chest hurts. I want this to stop but it won't and I don't know why. why don't I deserve friendship. why don't I deserve support. why can't I even be allowed to support someone else. why. I don't think I'm that bad to be around, to the point where people actively avoid me. I don't think it's crazy that maybe someone could stick with me. apparently it is though. 
my soul is empty and my hands are shaking and I have no new words to add to this. thanks guys, sorry. don't worry I'm probably going to end up deleting this. thanks. ",0.5519318388919281,2.609170774193551,2.6052846121134827,93.22905686167307,84.08960573476702,5.288427191543648,19.851892351618982,6.537327507922955,0.10455898183585433,2044,58,457,21,59,686,229,558,0.168,0.711,0.121,-0.9843,3,1,1,0,0,2,61.0,2,2,10,6,24,31,2,3,18,0,58,9,8,7,4,80,123,26,2,11,10,0,6,3,5,5,1,1,0,2,32,22,0,4,18,1,1,11,26,13,1,2,15,8,72,18,61,93,12,46,2,6,1,0,39,13,2,4,25,296,104,1,0.0,0.0,0.05642899310262866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060634698835156625,0.0,0.0,0.1146939972111498,0.04043268084132115,0.0,0.0,0.05147663227058637,0.10811739601999593,0.0,0.0,0.04446396162461498,0.09656314938721072,0.07049933456151705,0.0,0.0,0.06514912858524773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590459309173894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981123601493369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616866724775329,0.0,0.06351819859852073,0.037292430117610915,0.0,0.04980470644298896,0.0,0.12002672721976995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830548266050077,0.0,0.05121590866809895,0.0,0.0,0.07638591629144444,0.0,0.04872017256236101,0.0,0.05196950525555589,0.0,0.05451239359907159,0.0,0.11695250846214765,0.08262057997650782,0.0,0.0633446119740454,0.0,0.04918603266069895,0.0,0.0,0.22337779005964026,0.0,0.030211247848583592,0.05547114124787995,0.2300435086918407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725597766325032,0.0,0.0,0.05179996544158968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627691286888715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380601193549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279527873739333,0.0,0.0,0.3177918346913092,0.0,0.0,0.0612284716244935,0.0,0.0591301211590289,0.0,0.08475132438497603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469153808501017,0.06312296869001617,0.0,0.0,0.16414663057906678,0.03859872849164017,0.0,0.058093123132712365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058386905069937885,0.0,0.04615547329670901,0.0,0.0850162594365262,0.04287660696858247,0.044598311067152334,0.1116957568097208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055484779258158826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03918380989005247,0.043978622986678935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055200637067362966,0.04008866967688693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466344594396911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234527875181384,0.0,0.0,0.058130234885052263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037044263962922576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607914816953304,0.052641833679989584,0.0,0.0,0.11871334593533038,0.0,0.0,0.11573379681770225,0.0,0.14698515478897828,0.044516616148211285,0.0,0.25892203015021176,0.0,0.0,0.046179229731593184,0.04834440442728133,0.0,0.0604513891972797,0.06619594822184709,0.0,0.2624771244022042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591062150006046,0.0,0.10647523564195696,0.0,0.0,0.03841645211251225,0.07410402683294959,0.11362580856076696,0.045906700271432885,0.10115490858119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039259472814890915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049942352957717005,0.0,0.0,0.13642705785512627,0.0,0.04638383757330451,0.0,0.05199174338939243,0.0,0.41742554181555896,0.06455970128323284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042097389002200405,0.05872423432056297,0.0,0.04107731879884746,0.0,0.0,0.1117124785875132
suicidewatch,ThatDystopianSociety,2019/01/07,"I'm so stupid I just ended the call with a professional who was trying to help me without saying anything. 

Do I really deserve to be helped? ",2.0766666666666684,4.548534285714286,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,81.14285714285714,6.590476190476192,23.619047619047624,7.793537801064563,1.5848190476190482,112,4,20,2,3,39,25,28,0.13,0.775,0.095,-0.2484,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171064478172291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934807589078832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413016663091576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165778257509138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24686214394194503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064421453074985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26162424603212064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714592346340514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alexaxelalu,2019/01/07,"Killing myself Hello. I want to kill myself. I’m thinking slit wrists, because really that’s the only option I have. I know it will hurt, but will it actually kill me?",1.3922727272727258,3.9540857272727297,3.718409090909091,83.09761363636366,85.66666666666667,5.724242424242425,20.37121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.8710666666666662,131,4,24,2,4,45,26,33,0.3720000000000001,0.598,0.03,-0.9343,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,7,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,15,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2475852965474619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465984500261118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716028276781457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8420807531330318,0.0,0.13943290728103486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295861604517456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253373619412315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256773734584168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964529632279452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,agentdumb-bitch,2019/01/07,"I need everything to stop I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I'm a junior in college and I still don't have anything I'm good at or want to be doing. I'm waiting all my time and money and energy just going through it but my family won't let me drop out. But even if I did leave, what then? I have 4 work study jobs to try to keep myself afloat but have never been able to secure a job outside of school and still have hardly anything saved up. My only friends are at school, and they live across the country when we're not there. I've nearly failed out of school 3 semesters in a row now and I don't expect this upcoming one to be any different. I can't function properly, I barely eat, and only leave my room for class and work. I've just never had anything to look forward to and regardless of whether I somehow graduate or if I finally drop out, there's nothing waiting for me afterwards. Outside of that, literally nothing in my life ever goes right. I haven't allowed myself to get excited about anything in years because it always, always goes wrong, often in the most unpredictable ways. Even my friends have noticed and completely agree that I'm a fucking living personification of Murphy's Law. I can't ever catch a break and I'm so, so tired. Take all of this and add on a shit ton of unresolved trauma that I still relive in my head every single day and that state of the world in general and it's really not hard to see why I've wanted to die for so long and now feel like I won't make it to February. The one and only thing keeping me alive is knowing that some people would be very upset and blame themselves if I killed myself, and I'm seriously contemplating cutting ties with everyone I know so maybe they won't be as upset. I never thought I'd make it past 15 years old, never mind where I am now, and have just been going through life entirely blind because what's the point in making any kind of plan when it's never going to work and I'm not expecting to be alive long enough to even try? The only plan I've ever had is how I'd kill myself, I just need to do it so this can finally stop.",4.98355637513172,4.901756372146124,6.066757990867579,81.57177028451001,68.61187214611871,9.02156656129259,29.17492096944152,8.730908602173464,2.05455363540569,1673,54,347,25,26,560,207,438,0.147,0.7609999999999999,0.093,-0.9846,4,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,6,30,19,5,2,12,0,35,8,2,5,10,84,67,39,3,11,16,0,3,1,2,4,4,0,1,0,19,25,1,7,5,0,1,5,17,11,0,2,6,6,35,8,51,51,7,62,0,1,3,1,4,23,2,10,32,228,54,13,0.0776714244520016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925769454429772,0.0,0.0,0.10563846418799176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25566785715892465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469555885168536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143701077723328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009164317491677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061067584472767,0.0811501070323463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947725790676953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025534433942176,0.0,0.15390372994169016,0.21077475056941647,0.065441525041879,0.0742183745996576,0.0698060680150988,0.0,0.0732217063935935,0.0,0.039273005968112,0.05548848114799438,0.0,0.1701704978758685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200174997186351,0.07180598032521614,0.04058011350634851,0.0,0.13242738136425428,0.06514710573456582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391566801728907,0.0,0.07971328969425055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415380774241672,0.13807586167864058,0.1718638463544179,0.08088283616594052,0.1280585507867595,0.0,0.0,0.16448564725264567,0.0,0.07942429390218086,0.10972324821472698,0.037946334652056116,0.0,0.13717058159515896,0.13747353292566733,0.06522443449156333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553883685061906,0.0,0.07803138561104726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842599706233447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518475412022708,0.2995249541440789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905565314319438,0.08842943154133888,0.0815030942224467,0.0,0.10526433472188136,0.23629047321671756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414616334430423,0.053847585970628935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342460173019341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975830339444294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663309720925563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582288467461565,0.06189406913502149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972860103161843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608549969891292,0.12987357747607045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583992448598649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160144311318269,0.0,0.0,0.0616624350325869,0.0452908322150117,0.08927187647946258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546759743340883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408705958251798,0.0916252370780136,0.061651961422778866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700863795506819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963716618977312,0.0,0.0,0.05517555142866581,0.08492150957378188,0.0,0.10003570157881557
suicidewatch,hestioyo,2019/01/07,"Living is torture I have no future, my life has no meaning, i hate going outside, just hoping something takes me. I hate waking up everyday to a shitty job, the only thing i ever look forward to is sleeping.",2.6454999999999984,5.05386455,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,78.5,5.0,27.5,5.985473137389443,1.5067499999999994,162,7,25,1,4,56,33,40,0.385,0.5589999999999999,0.056,-0.9477,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,0,4,3,2,0,1,4,11,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,11,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474662479762689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548023236654995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402017097075326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717238973408701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714831661065639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323567323490806,0.0,0.0,0.2415736875624757,0.0,0.2297359532353278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980057823213469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806779517532997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737747830169998,0.0,0.0,0.210613101129392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056960139353876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175254127284088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adri_js,2019/01/07,"There is hope... When I was 17 years old my bf of 3 years died in a tragic car accident. I didn’t know how I could live without him. I attempted suicide, I hated life. I thought there was no hope for me.... I went into a deep depression. Well 4 months later my mother committed suicide, again I fell like life was pointless and I wanted to die.... until I started seeing that my sister and my family loved me and ppl cared about me. I was able to love life again and although I miss them everyday I learned to love myself and the opportunity of living.... I tell you all this because I too once fell like death was the only option but I promise you all it gets better and you learn to cope with the pain you feel.... so please don’t take your life because we’re lucky to be here. xoxo",1.0793007769145395,3.2978534968553497,2.7519866814650378,91.99082130965591,83.21383647798744,5.502182759896412,20.04476507584166,6.794906146795322,0.2744092489826113,602,17,129,7,17,198,105,159,0.12,0.626,0.254,0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,5,1,3,11,18,1,0,5,0,10,8,0,1,3,25,27,12,5,4,2,2,1,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,5,1,0,8,2,31,13,14,17,2,18,0,3,1,3,14,3,0,4,13,84,34,2,0.13571095833149696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545628115061195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002531421015912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836636668020555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835415732651617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168876495517031,0.0,0.2816930975019791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793621354894566,0.0,0.0686195381904539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090337446496464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398647502586838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695832059080686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458319355081666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834266532775447,0.1326030384309636,0.0,0.2396705250934547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36745331521123614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832319218213504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424058217285018,0.14452774149650527,0.0,0.1032142991810976,0.14440602799871347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489698790120599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814406323319634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605691480750272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968915232696148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203775122813233,0.0,0.1186173592843497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773934185406056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004583937360372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202044977090452,0.12580541800320838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308205209747215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478681541387456
suicidewatch,aLeXbOi9699,2019/01/07,"Can I talk to someone? I know it’s different from talking to someone professionally. I already have a therapist but I just feel like I’m psychotic in her eyes. I’d want to talk to someone who feels like the world and everyone around them has been wronging them, or someone who can give me advice through this. I’m just so hurt and sick of being abused. From my ex girlfriend. From the people who I once called friends. From the community I’m leaving soon. Two years of my life were full of torment and falsities. Slander and mental affliction. Seeing the last bit of hope from your parents’ eyes flicker out once they caught wonder of those fake rumors. I’m sick of it. I just can’t imagine a world where I’m liked. I feel like my girlfriend, my family, my acquaintances don’t like me. They smile and say they care. That I’m their world. I feel like they lie. No matter how much “love” I feel from them, there’s something that tells me that it’s fake. That they’re doing this out of pity. I’ve been covering up this pain with absurd purchases of clothes and shit I don’t know, when I should be saving up for University later this year. Sometimes I just drive my car and park at a vacant lot at night and cry. Cry for what I’ve been through, what I’m going through (whether it be mentally or physically), and what I might suffer in the future. I’m scared. I attempted suicide but stopped myself because  my mother called right and told me she was worried and wanted me back. I haven’t tried since. It’s been a long time since then. But I just can’t shake the felling that I still have that option. To take my own life. I’ve tried a lot. Hobbies, weight loss, therapy, bonding time with my family, and hell, taking a trip out of the states with my girlfriend. Nothing feels right. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m saying at this point. I can’t comprehend why i feel like this. I feel too much right now, but at the same time can’t feel anything at all. What do I do? Do I really want to continue the monotony of life with the mental torment I have within myself? How do I let go and accept that I am loved, and someone does give a rat’s ass about my wellbeing? ",2.2085410606399627,4.288986862385325,3.1178675318863283,91.6495983441486,78.3119266055046,6.2720071604385765,23.248825240545983,7.313800181584829,0.8080292682926831,1696,55,361,22,41,538,203,436,0.193,0.6890000000000001,0.117,-0.9928,2,0,1,0,1,1,53.0,0,1,8,2,19,27,3,2,18,0,32,14,4,2,1,65,71,26,1,5,12,3,10,7,4,2,6,2,0,0,27,22,1,1,15,0,1,8,9,13,0,1,8,15,55,14,46,57,9,50,1,4,3,4,35,23,4,8,25,227,82,1,0.0,0.08760088404450421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722484254714926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158911006505909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084220462489316,0.06581782436778984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685145060620572,0.0,0.045070089238018536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071787006779632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099180110793672,0.0,0.0753816591361747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242824967804406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724633784253779,0.0,0.0,0.06470101598963311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883336963668968,0.0,0.0,0.07064806009638376,0.0,0.0,0.1393986742921267,0.0,0.3364538135859759,0.2640958908050952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057121996934563476,0.0683517153354504,0.0,0.14185037641710654,0.08403792769193598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734341365758591,0.0,0.0,0.07914894574312764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189822588597266,0.06026689227482614,0.0,0.07828648872183129,0.0,0.07560354587366573,0.15666742923820834,0.2528463418631405,0.0,0.0,0.06543014764324644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571378466240735,0.1334584466841795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352726831775013,0.07843335024020924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870146288099428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938298820196477,0.0,0.07094262571613033,0.0,0.0,0.1574767222209545,0.0,0.0,0.07867205189370048,0.0,0.08209606693159946,0.0,0.0,0.05125721912152646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989247209425788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736465366517092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894202558836996,0.0,0.11759215770495013,0.07402183220751579,0.0,0.058916621920751436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589321414630344,0.1223195906293858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313224424230682,0.056918774477899864,0.07312360466594231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904458582172116,0.06181296987406745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087288892702944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117983606345913,0.17827845511063165,0.06462244806840897,0.0,0.08455111501964596,0.08584423254515045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933627771024273,0.0,0.0,0.07064806009638376,0.0,0.1003940223952446,0.0,0.0722237509876331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082633425381113,0.0,0.0,0.09003291075203065,0.0,0.0,0.06671483687352779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017935271520371,0.0,0.07508458052047551,0.0,0.0,0.08083631505279353,0.0,0.0952234307884813
suicidewatch,WenchOLama,2019/01/07,"Just numb I hate my relationship. I hate my job. I hate how stuck I feel. And worst of all I’m with someone who makes me feel so shitty and alone. I did something tonight that I haven’t done in year; I took a blade into the bathroom and went nuts on my legs. It was great to be rid of the self loathing feeling for that 20 minutes. I’ve thought about dying or different ways I could die every day for the last 3 weeks. I can’t tell anyone because I feel like I’d get one of two responses: disgust and anger or the “you should talk to someone”. I’m so done. I’ve been through so much shit in the past year but instead of things finally starting to look up, I’ve never felt more hopeless. I can’t even hide the depression on my face anymore. I just keep getting fatter and fatter but I think I’m somehow doing it on purpose. Maybe to see how much I can push and hate myself until I finally snap. I see nothing in my future that is going to improve my situation. It’s all so dark. Eh. Thanks for listening.",1.6578872180451114,3.4456960619047656,3.2176691729323323,91.67943609022556,78.85714285714286,5.944862155388472,24.86215538847118,6.8360192770164,0.8229523809523815,783,29,172,8,19,258,129,210,0.195,0.726,0.079,-0.9647,2,1,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,0,13,14,7,0,7,0,14,4,3,3,3,31,42,17,2,2,6,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,7,0,0,4,4,11,0,2,10,9,25,3,24,29,6,26,0,2,3,0,7,8,1,3,14,108,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985988643498548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477163450307107,0.08092010009828683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054705612978301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239983838208976,0.0,0.0,0.0746353473287733,0.0,0.09967683930108574,0.0,0.2402159485593039,0.12091171381575185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368609943163739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643762253436903,0.0,0.0975063032803649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340633491171072,0.08267650651357439,0.11111756643094574,0.25354996181150585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092679234383685,0.0,0.06577120771388005,0.0,0.0,0.12759114615202588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570319752649292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484273876515065,0.10286486169079563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433422262881383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653912882674726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718284356537757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724971256464573,0.0,0.11626489367276845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014761525668926,0.0,0.08925700004735518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104467470564224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842066745410695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104760056477684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424916342469247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444135806655385,0.0,0.12073012772496801,0.0,0.11879370395682615,0.0,0.1300837504747017,0.0,0.0,0.19611286696793206,0.08909349960957383,0.0,0.0,0.08191327054438169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930182329497252,0.101151862536815,0.10654730958787327,0.0,0.0,0.07688491303768709,0.07415418844649227,0.0,0.09187554977432998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857868856177795,0.0,0.0,0.11304998727470965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185994434683224,0.09283047033425043,0.0,0.0,0.10728153471821616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905079688723594
suicidewatch,LordXMonster,2019/01/07,Done with life I'm just so tired of it. Every night I just lay in bed thinking about how little people care about me. I just stay there hoping I don't fall asleep because when I sleep I dream about good stuff I want to happen and then my alarm just wakes me up back in this miserable world and I realize that all the stuff I just saw and did we fake and will probably never happen. At school I just sit there all alone seeing all the people laughing with there friends and wishing I could do that. Whenever I am happy I get sad again realizing that it won't last forever and I'll just be depressed on my bed again that night. I dream about going back to a couple years ago when I wasn't sad but get even more sad knowing that that will never happen.,3.665390029325515,4.6325599612903225,4.2177126099706745,89.92111436950148,71.96774193548387,7.184750733137831,22.478005865102638,7.348242739294969,0.5963548387096775,594,13,129,6,11,188,92,155,0.132,0.752,0.116,-0.6689,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,23,13,0,2,3,0,11,5,3,1,5,31,26,12,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,11,9,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,7,0,0,4,2,19,6,14,17,4,25,0,5,2,0,2,7,0,1,14,91,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298312964015424,0.0,0.0,0.1516922962110462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252431993764603,0.0,0.08928295573733115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932957644078454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693940375382815,0.1620593774854948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614903186015172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498832894780503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673793980641736,0.0,0.12340204450028527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315754661596085,0.0,0.1530425511793135,0.0,0.08323873665693705,0.12284686268813233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885522885548772,0.15591340834668824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454715727516453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049265851061634,0.1193875221099156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345169332655894,0.0,0.14679517655256705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259237797198637,0.0,0.0,0.2748926558296797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307907543194065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579127178391338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482291561827117,0.1167126632335638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656954598020586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611089289641294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33533195465410703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384807089081078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833855975839135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638812723278169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842610912784015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431786690443404
suicidewatch,SadAndDysphoric,2019/01/07,Goodbye! It is not going to get better. This is it for me! Goodbye :D,-3.2270000000000003,-3.3072618666666638,0.8191666666666677,95.86875,134.33333333333334,1.5,17.083333333333336,3.1291,-0.9166666666666659,52,2,11,0,4,19,12,15,0.0,0.634,0.366,0.8185,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7533721794125434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450446982779306,0.0,0.4841131849287935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aliforer,2019/01/07,"things will never get better I'm really really tired of hearing people say ""it gets better"". When? When is that supposed to happen. I've been hearing that literally my entire life. I'm almost in my mid 20s now. Maybe at...40? 50? When. I don't want to suffer just for the off-chance one day I won't want to die. I've actively wanted to die since I was 8. 8!! I'm 23! 
I'm in therapy. And I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist coming up. I just don't believe it'll ever be better. Ever. My uncle killed himself and my family is fine. Had fun at the memorial. Wasn't terribly affected. My mom legit told me that she thinks it's better when mentally ill people kill themselves because then they're happier and the people around them are happier because they aren't being drained by the person's mental illness anymore. What am I supposed to do with THAT?? Honestly, last month it marked 5 years since I last attempted, but I can't see myself sticking around for the entirety of 2019. ",1.57646054453161,4.02642627918782,3.8951661282879577,83.08522265805263,83.16243654822334,7.033594831564376,22.660129210890627,8.150884317080207,1.6461593908629442,775,27,146,17,22,267,121,197,0.099,0.773,0.128,0.6519,0,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,2,5,11,11,2,0,7,0,19,4,0,1,3,19,36,9,4,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,10,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,5,5,19,7,18,26,0,22,0,1,2,0,10,7,0,1,14,88,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165817856985398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546129136457875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728402816476807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419419395390106,0.0,0.0,0.13116994264105108,0.0,0.4118701514211121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028893882148103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750838273004942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416593938660192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062428737925046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975415476602006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165343523291945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295332965912772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624365448398138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25761174002244586,0.0,0.0,0.18980214426248435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223369106734747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696352345199094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346559513658892,0.0,0.0,0.1363543432272394,0.09292849983369986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979334077986087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889189322019369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24214115904218006,0.10165691743800788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916834913112853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258501159754774,0.0,0.0,0.18554965672141874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926142174454248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314095289111244,0.0,0.07734691053430237,0.07459977715918321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338122235872562,0.0,0.11124808985612472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060096168070207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497321773813068
suicidewatch,dankathena,2019/01/07,"Insomnia, up again. Thinking about killing myself for almost four years now. I think an ponder why haven’t I done it yet. Why haven’t I. This would be the perfect time. No job, no love life, I feel absolutely useless my city doesn’t have any good therapists and I just feel the constant depression and anxiety of being alone. Every month once a night I dream of the teacher who raped me.  It’s terrible I’m almost gonna say fuck it and end it. Why was I born for starters this world is hell I get bullied in my town for being who I am..... people stare at me and look at me only for sex I don’t even know I’m a dumbass. Friday will possibly be it. ",0.6191111111111134,2.819609725925929,2.6044444444444435,92.42000000000002,85.07407407407408,5.9703703703703725,20.85185185185185,7.3011,0.6249851851851855,503,16,111,8,15,168,92,135,0.276,0.6409999999999999,0.083,-0.983,1,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,4,0,6,0,15,6,0,0,1,15,27,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,5,16,3,11,18,0,17,1,2,2,4,4,6,2,2,11,69,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33568366614621714,0.17359819952402447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139836914044174,0.0,0.12822472782944455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811318612996496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436622919962389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152795390431275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845680534046424,0.0,0.0,0.11070787769401967,0.0,0.14122254905436055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950197931037228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495701807659346,0.0875717224898779,0.0,0.0,0.14058719336784534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663316499874377,0.0,0.18544074619995274,0.0,0.09211661331109576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839116519283327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075406851587105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512787413879919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337883929583488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729496917897764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850410316754003,0.0,0.12747847381143426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620287495332028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896030289595928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329387578442334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946134962229842,0.0,0.2148013648996552,0.0,0.0,0.09773743460446802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537383794679909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906861909543945,0.0,0.0,0.10793832176405548
suicidewatch,onionofanxiety,2019/01/07,When I have enough pills saved up I’ll die. I’m thinking around 6-9g of my Wellbutrin is good enough. I don’t know how the process will be. I wonder if it’s painful. I don’t want to go into detail as to why. The same shit over and over again. I’m tired of explaining.,-1.0897423887587827,0.7568713606557402,0.9626697892271672,103.68180327868856,89.49180327868851,4.141451990632318,16.911007025761126,5.288315135182226,-0.9860042154566746,207,5,55,1,7,68,47,61,0.213,0.674,0.112,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,6,4,1,1,0,12,14,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,10,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,2,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402964831084401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801465359885931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5578233025751581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340843203240415,0.2264059420166109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834742847102436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872264097236329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770810586087567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729613636973111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102468338696943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921273768986746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435714158869627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29272946440331554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway295601,2019/01/07,"hurting everyone i love, no redemption My life is in shambles i'm so close to dropping out of college due to failing grades while all my friends have great jobs and i have no hobbies and i'm fat and i don't have the time for anything because i work overnights full time at a job i despise so i can pay off my loans. i get angry and shout and yell and scream at everyone and make them all cry. my sisters cry. my mom cries. my dad cries. i hurt everyone i love and even if i get better at all i can't live knowing i hurt them. there are scratches on my ugly face because all i wanted to do was gouge my eyes out. i can't even drive. the last time i posted on this sub a commenter told me that if i felt so strongly about how my presence was a detriment to others that maybe i should actually just kill myself. going to lie in the back of my sister's old car with the engine on and me under a blanket so that no one sees me",1.5208021390374318,3.0401503434343446,3.1361913250148565,93.32232620320858,78.39393939393939,5.6689245395127745,24.273321449792036,6.2272716619740125,0.4901660130718954,720,25,164,5,17,238,113,198,0.225,0.6779999999999999,0.097,-0.9745,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,4,11,13,2,0,8,0,13,6,3,2,4,26,26,17,1,4,3,4,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,5,13,1,0,2,0,2,3,6,7,0,1,4,7,33,6,22,21,5,27,0,4,2,2,11,14,0,2,8,112,38,7,0.0,0.0,0.11690681753528342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858460115246576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211825274094003,0.0,0.14605706018805853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595272914254676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263755417518688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825259121508825,0.0,0.0,0.34342004220937555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502609732076108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255662774787562,0.0,0.12518036015011075,0.0,0.06808469247841471,0.0,0.0,0.13207913083365636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847428259296789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776460320506196,0.0,0.13254015529098753,0.0,0.06583855211609148,0.09765240385752684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461777544197069,0.0,0.0,0.10578496043016146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624705774393288,0.0,0.07996695068896979,0.0,0.12035448043134382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030747064838167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257091935748055,0.0,0.08117909360569832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147345961414856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546451692730884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956777341023605,0.0,0.0,0.11447334740312518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066072014849505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872153037684245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stitchitch,2019/01/07,"I wanna know I would really like to hear from some people who have either got a relief of some mental illness (depression, etc) or a reduction in the stressors that led to suicidal ideation and/or attempt.

Are thoughts of suicide still with you?  How about on your best days? Are you changed from these experiences?

Therapy and medication have reduced a bunch of my symptoms of depression. But I don't know if who I am now is who I was before. I am in college, so there is an expected change, but... I suppose I'm grimmer? Maybe cynical, but i'm more in touch with what the actual act of death. Even though I can almost be in the same headspace as people around me, for some reason I get this thought ""they will never know what it is like"" to think so much about death willingly or other forms of harm, which I either tolerate or feed. Like they are little happy hummingbirds unaware of what emotional anguish is really like.

 I'm not sure if I will ever be fully remitted. I'm changed in other ways. I just assume that suicide is the likely end. Always an option. I have no picture about the future except the amount of time I can even conceptualize.  I recently had a cutting relapse because I had to think about all these deadlines and ambitions that are beyond my scope of understanding (which is a month, maybe two in advance). 

I'm in a bit of a low mood, I've gotten enough experience to know when I am hovering just above a spiral or low mood and usually can find another way of altering my mood. I'm better now, but I think some other people's lows are at least my mediums, their mediums my highs. A whole shift downward. 

​

Please, I feel really alone. Is anyone else feeling something similar? 

​

​",4.817225609756097,6.521128076219513,5.5719219512195135,78.48283414634146,70.0670731707317,8.662634146341464,30.19317073170732,9.174902378510234,2.7523225365853654,1371,56,244,28,25,446,184,328,0.174,0.7340000000000001,0.091,-0.9826,0,1,1,0,0,2,54.0,0,3,3,4,20,22,2,1,17,0,31,4,0,3,4,53,53,19,5,5,16,0,3,5,0,4,3,1,0,0,18,6,1,0,15,0,0,3,4,9,0,1,7,4,31,10,39,40,19,35,0,5,0,0,10,17,0,13,18,184,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.08221720377103378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436559755119545,0.08725903172349526,0.0,0.0,0.07010390617870314,0.2738590393946261,0.3071239838902839,0.0,0.08834492900942985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891053121742161,0.08632550599078194,0.0,0.07500159992470641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135886568828853,0.0,0.07169172795291406,0.0,0.08841663648818571,0.07451350832795378,0.09198069756559757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738039960970084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433517696337958,0.0,0.14513119845794276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703812259051548,0.09477147444555846,0.0746217248928298,0.08705420825809616,0.0939625713164688,0.11129449773361737,0.07621020623879388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648280530713592,0.0,0.0,0.08520006906979544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700424462327987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401787421630415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738353353664661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968717189245923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949574403583668,0.0,0.0,0.08901621984211451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520944353599614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058048686116512,0.0844420269690912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692836919351472,0.0,0.0,0.08487441228683501,0.08490558553940326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724865613466455,0.0,0.06193446614607712,0.0,0.06497986632834679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522791791126627,0.0,0.0,0.09248272661001583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192079450620342,0.08662446153829613,0.08318808400810697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486083659862228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728326932799572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27647204013455745,0.0,0.07940593852243745,0.08756945406638705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963488076794397,0.0,0.0,0.1619546674339371,0.08277656345115493,0.13377238625568694,0.04912766336349042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230136636492984,0.08770866885108324,0.0,0.0,0.09279100374789648,0.0,0.0,0.1337496644838985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406366876238596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984977055873132,0.0,0.3071239838902839,0.0
suicidewatch,throaway314159265356,2019/01/07,"I am depressed (obviously). I do not see a future for myself, I get bad grades at school and have very few friends. I am 15 at school I am constantly bullied but I am not a nerd (my grades are literally the worst out of the whole class), i am also far from being a popular kid. I don't know what category I fall into. I have 1 friend and he is the complete opposite of what I am (gets good grades, is genuinely happy) but for some reason we connected really well but are slowly but surely losing that connection. I sit all day in my room watching youtube my mum is threatening to take away my devices if I don't ""get a life"" so I just go outside, sit on a park bench and watch more youtube.

​

My parents are mad at me and my dad works hard to give me the luxury of a private school and I always feel a bit more guilty every time I fail an assessment or a test because I let him down. He  tells me this to intentionally  to make me feel bad. my parents went to a psychologist to see if I had any learning disabilities but I am perfectly normal and I am not a retard like everyone (including me) was thinking.

​

On my birthday (31/12) I went to some burger restaurant with my parents. It was going well at first but then my mum bought up school and it all went downhill from there I just looked down and ate my burger saying nothing while my parents kept on guilt tripping me. I wish I could go back in time and punch my dad right in the face and break his nose and just leave it would have felt so good. I do not see a future for myself I literally cant imagine myself with a wife, kids, a well paying job and a house.

thanks for reading whoever you are.",4.36427996781979,4.861868100294983,5.526330115312419,82.88680812550284,70.06194690265487,8.641512469831055,28.68342719227675,8.710501217029153,1.9883911504424767,1302,45,273,21,22,434,180,339,0.128,0.7340000000000001,0.138,0.6651,5,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,1,0,5,11,22,1,1,20,0,30,4,2,3,5,55,56,26,0,6,16,9,4,1,2,1,1,1,1,2,7,17,1,1,8,1,2,8,7,9,3,1,10,12,52,13,34,42,10,40,0,3,6,0,22,19,0,5,11,191,59,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138516074761729,0.07427560225465958,0.1934371058874301,0.21693340750657725,0.06070323764076852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386737361339301,0.06863924855644604,0.1490650353681655,0.05441509450828109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745422302251007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359261810483914,0.09646371586419104,0.0,0.07127081148306988,0.0,0.0,0.057568518111970085,0.0,0.07688378407848966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520958349265841,0.08529650000623021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902700974488654,0.0,0.08570836560134591,0.0,0.0,0.07592873414667135,0.0,0.0,0.13793178199762834,0.0,0.13991178076660735,0.08563108892472485,0.15219401120397585,0.1497424360117935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950242157669283,0.07996387576028043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299978537001636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885817045575808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905769061862055,0.0,0.0,0.0945187097372434,0.0,0.0912794752224802,0.06305048508886528,0.043610353249375115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496008915616507,0.09986466342345983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958505769836263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746071355084513,0.08565214199204371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39647272205290657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928912197723324,0.0,0.05718542272971964,0.09177925170590777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623179289528778,0.0,0.07098708348629032,0.0,0.36136364330476506,0.21339786125087126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413117367976627,0.0,0.06711614497653369,0.0,0.07802151445559369,0.08218318720714902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571973856014277,0.0,0.0,0.10410223859383033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365294521155867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407797731238508,0.2482485522831324,0.0,0.09966114626764544,0.10265030509089018,0.0,0.0,0.06498595810454738,0.0,0.0,0.0634112704322234,0.0,0.21693340750657725,0.0
suicidewatch,kiana_keke,2019/01/07,"A Not So Funny Joke//Looking For Advice The idea of this chat is genius. An Anonymous online forum where I can finally say the things I’ve been thinking for so long without feeling the societal repercussions and the drama that tags along with feeling this way. 

My entire life has felt like one big mistake. Like someone telling a joke only to realize halfway through it’s not very funny. 

 It’s a very long and dark story but to flash forward to my current situation; I’m cutting and drinking and using coke at least once a day. I function so god damn well at work (I have two jobs). Most people would say I’m the life of the party, I make everyone else happier by just being there. “You’re always smiling” “you’re so pretty”. Well, once I’m off work and no one is there to see, all those smiles fall down and I’m stripped to being just me. And me isn’t pretty or kind or funny like everyone seems to think. 

My true self is so broken. I fell like nothing I’ll ever do will be good enough- for myself and those around me. Literally, my entire life I’ve been told I wouldn’t amount to anything (great parenting). I’m 20 and I live on my own. I travel when I can, I’m not bad looking. I KNOW I’m doing well despite my situation and how far I’ve had to come, but I still can’t shake the idea that I’m not supposed to be here. Like, I don’t have friends or everyone is annoyed by me and I’m just tolerated. That’s why one night stands are more common than boyfriends. Because I’m not good enough. This has become a rant, but I haven’t told anyone anything in so long. Even if no one reads this, I already feel better typing this shit out. 

I feel better but I’m not well and I don’t know what to do. I think about dying all the fucking time. It’s so sad that I think of different ways and locations and even the outfit I would want to be wearing. That’s some sick shit but I can’t help it. I’ll just be driving to work, and then the thought would slip into my mind. 

Self care is important but for some reason I just can’t get it to work for me. I don’t know what I need or how I can get help, or really if I even want it. I’m not in therapy, I honestly don’t have the time nor the money for it. Any advice would be good, any thoughts or comments as well. ",1.0514772421222711,3.03577056751055,2.8069045695304813,92.90114866684624,81.72151898734177,5.637418080617652,21.477511446269865,6.761325535456951,0.3739513062213846,1755,54,390,19,47,581,216,474,0.112,0.677,0.211,0.995,4,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,6,31,32,6,1,18,0,42,10,3,5,4,88,83,42,1,11,27,1,5,5,1,6,4,2,0,3,22,21,2,0,19,6,1,7,21,10,5,5,8,9,39,22,41,62,11,37,0,1,2,1,14,14,4,12,20,246,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394690270025544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875018535364506,0.0,0.05937923534374799,0.0,0.0,0.09705776121855764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989825086875353,0.0,0.1174503530609448,0.06352766765569637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059584625017935426,0.043501858012289785,0.07881416655809566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622849106339892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275872508604928,0.0,0.0,0.061472390626538476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046022845747400766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406290680145552,0.07455852157401187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699079861945534,0.0,0.0,0.05961413000511623,0.0,0.0,0.1474728756667056,0.0,0.14140258083214294,0.06455137835420152,0.0,0.20456950037925312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433189898727428,0.0,0.06851909722012445,0.0781740234309303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513441490880616,0.0659733909049153,0.07456781953800602,0.0,0.0,0.17956619156863066,0.0,0.0786773003443229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956654278642574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611189316189217,0.0,0.0,0.07081617277286999,0.0,0.0,0.07431296033709227,0.11765672986439245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512161253082672,0.17432032527586666,0.0,0.0630143085523341,0.1894604408791803,0.11985288951630213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763495759901319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205568307636022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291431699311893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696878023228305,0.0,0.06847414955457494,0.0,0.0,0.15199725862796934,0.19342804238587286,0.054274322577417586,0.0,0.0,0.07923950245950054,0.0,0.0,0.049473704313160116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520243654495654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138171386809784,0.0,0.04571658218074857,0.07337243484116343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350049299490635,0.0,0.0,0.05686659522294232,0.06496565076810006,0.14889309808860826,0.0,0.1465049606826091,0.0,0.1604286600548193,0.0,0.0,0.060465131794637625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699010657037468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237388493802079,0.0,0.08160912619766374,0.0,0.047410009059764266,0.18290458333974471,0.0,0.11330755216011472,0.08322398119479762,0.0,0.0,0.1363796669195021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971069757564825,0.0,0.0,0.061634202951816174,0.0,0.11776291096186853,0.08418278749382338,0.11328830642178145,0.0,0.0,0.3208168492375179,0.0,0.06439346826358479,0.0,0.0,0.0687908091365326,0.0,0.20781071486158367,0.0,0.0,0.20277521210969807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeanTherDunDat,2019/01/07,"Tired and almost done Hi. I'm not in imminent danger, but I'm having trouble seeing or even desiring life paths that don't end in suicide. I figured it might help me get a little clarity talking with some experienced people anonymously. I have a therapist, but talking to her about self harm is a no go. I have no interest in psych holds or anything else the system might try to do to help me.

I guess first a little background. I'm 44/M. I've had a pretty normal and gratifying life, although suicidal ideation has been a thing for me for as long as I can remember, back in to childhood. I've never attempted because I know I would be successful, and I've always found a reason to keep going, but I'm getting tired.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and more recently with bipolar II and/or PTSD. I'm in almost constant pain from headaches and general body pain. It's a very rare day that I'm completely pain free, unless I take almost dangerous amounts of tylenol and ibuprofin or opioids. I'm on meds, an SSRI and mood stabilizer. All my life I've had psych/behavioral issues; if I were younger I almost certainly would have been put on meds as a kid but in the early 80s that wasn't nearly as common as it is today. People would use adjectives like high strung, angry, and temperamental to describe me. I fortunately don't have an addictive personality. Not to say that I don't use drugs or alcohol, I do, I just don't have a particular substance that I have to have, and I don't need drugs to function, but they do help sometimes to either dull the pain or ease the side effects of the psych meds. I've been through CBT, DBT, and a fair amount of individual therapy.

I don't have any real responsibilities, no kids, nobody that depends on me. My current reason to keep going is my dog, I love her and although I know she'd be in good hands if I weren't here, I want to have all the time I can with her before she goes, and she's getting up there, 9 years old.

My family and friends would be sad if I killed myself, but I don't think any of them would be surprised, and I'm not a big part of any of their suport systems, they won't fall apart without me. I'd leave my estate to my nieces and nephews for their educations, they're all pretty young so by the time they are college age it would be a decent amount of money for them.

I'm currently untangling a relationship that so far isn't ending well. I'm certainly depressed about it but that's something pretty familiar, and it's not even too severe, although the whole thing has really flipped my life upside down to the point that I feel like I'm at a crossroads. 

My thought is to divest myself of some assets for some cash, travel a bit with my dog, and then settle down on a beach somewhere with a low cost of living, then when she goes, follow her.

I know I can find more reasons to keep going. A new dog, new girlfriend, whatever. I've been doing it my entire life. And I've had a pretty good life despite the issues I've faced. I've been able to travel, participate in hobbies I enjoy, have good friends and family. All the things that make a full life. But I'm tired. Tired of being in pain. Tired of trying to cope with my psychological issues and the damage they do. Tired of trying. My life is good, but it's hard. And I'm tired.",4.955033911615622,5.361872239880062,5.994875776397518,80.3680072463768,68.73013493253372,8.931091597058613,29.074355679303213,8.909455092898707,2.1601902905690014,2612,88,526,43,42,870,290,667,0.145,0.696,0.159,0.8639,2,0,5,0,0,1,79.0,0,0,8,4,13,33,3,0,36,0,64,31,3,8,7,104,104,52,3,13,25,1,3,2,3,9,27,1,0,4,21,28,1,4,14,3,4,9,20,15,1,1,15,6,65,18,72,73,18,67,0,5,1,1,33,28,0,19,30,334,86,4,0.053343335165258056,0.0,0.0,0.05815210910212827,0.0,0.0,0.04728564807133145,0.05700780254752664,0.2136625789568234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438592810297903,0.0,0.0,0.1088258913998442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389701969428855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041017732054509135,0.0,0.03251760200180478,0.0,0.045391249303352886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823710619778188,0.05925241997450194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592947202135081,0.05764519474664481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034402038197578554,0.0,0.04594453641308205,0.05414236232435296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458875228444831,0.0,0.0,0.12372266680727165,0.0,0.04456151166330796,0.0,0.09449272363141507,0.0,0.0,0.07046553956735434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057469791710306,0.0,0.02697199304744038,0.038108489300562695,0.0,0.0,0.048754841945047485,0.0453738136411131,0.0,0.05848821367681836,0.08242585684962846,0.0,0.08360907287664324,0.0,0.12126498668822976,0.1789674347168945,0.0,0.0,0.058763697665314765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778515060924594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726473939607753,0.056360162354424766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702974863687794,0.0,0.14224202181924306,0.05901649688772944,0.0,0.08794830587427567,0.0,0.0,0.05648288977044873,0.0,0.0,0.3014238014164887,0.05212171817161805,0.106928071265122,0.04710314224612742,0.04720717300438946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814444264949967,0.0,0.03560709044059575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775725992350586,0.0,0.0,0.11317769766596593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955340711409324,0.04114166859174784,0.1030386510119343,0.0,0.0,0.052265142599493664,0.0,0.0,0.0559748569411172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838053480030289,0.0,0.0,0.05776563371391057,0.0,0.07396310410262559,0.046577342717949284,0.0,0.0,0.05042669382083618,0.0,0.0,0.2170773965529148,0.0,0.0,0.062355504216281436,0.0536247853691197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071639376035427,0.03417310644102608,0.1645374986094339,0.05267010808778761,0.057270778781591876,0.06042760008051505,0.0,0.0,0.04242076116811278,0.0,0.0,0.04250773174182492,0.0,0.05564873232648156,0.06026278516005179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106630552977805,0.05275792246398856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166979013943006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04010754938430214,0.08575070439242241,0.0,0.0,0.0610027526792299,0.06193572356406327,0.10631682479436877,0.034180255264427334,0.0,0.04234864961285601,0.06220985542119991,0.4291722165560128,0.05056324446419856,0.0,0.0,0.10864986908618213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214302895841417,0.0,0.044013838077331925,0.031463281158626635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796206459058093,0.0,0.0,0.05955592871168785,0.0,0.051421071537954284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273614488380666,0.0,0.0,0.06870271783296718
suicidewatch,narwhaleicorn,2019/01/07,"Hey guys, back to this again.. I've posted here before and was..sorta? kinda? doing better for a few months before this. I left my horrible treatment program (Ive been to another one before, this one just really didn't work) in November and was genuinely relieved, and making more efforts to take care of myself. I could feel I had a few close calls to getting as low as I'm feeling now, but I was able to just give myself a break. I started feeling like maybe I can look for adapted part time work in the next few months. I got my sleep apnea machine and I was hopeful at first but it's been really tough to use. 

But now all the negative internal thoughts are turned up to 11, I'm so tired of myself and feeling like a burden/feeling like I walk on eggshells. I feel I'll never be well enough to work, I'm 32 and no job other than haphazardly trying to slap an art career together, but I've been trying since I graduated in 2012 and I'm losing stamina. I feel my brain slowing down each day that passes and the energy to create slowly trickling out of me. Im so scared of losing the few close friends I have left to this. I feel more social anxiety than ever before.

Sorry Im kinda rambling I find writing about this really hard as my thoughts jump all over the place. I just feel really lonely and want to connect with people and chat..I I really miss it.",2.5910939393939394,4.452236538181818,4.283113636363634,84.76333712121213,76.34545454545454,6.910606060606061,23.458333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.2378515151515153,1068,33,209,16,24,359,154,275,0.159,0.706,0.135,-0.88,1,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,8,13,16,0,1,10,0,15,3,2,2,4,45,42,19,0,3,7,0,9,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,15,0,0,11,1,0,3,4,7,1,3,11,10,26,9,34,29,11,34,0,5,1,0,7,15,0,3,17,136,35,7,0.09381492660583332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837313042035407,0.07176816207071636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213788771006058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193183709828904,0.0,0.0,0.08297167879371466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104728484551148,0.09579552920216236,0.0,0.09565057011174756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490358510470257,0.0,0.0,0.060502866545526626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693589749447044,0.0,0.0,0.08486097212088682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42692081143550337,0.20106420693694801,0.0,0.0,0.08574514331703402,0.07979892864554435,0.0,0.0,0.07248117957767937,0.0,0.04901442708324584,0.0899958261090534,0.0,0.0,0.07503236696332957,0.0,0.0,0.0928915269015248,0.0,0.0,0.08403974710930341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317939018105426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267243891306447,0.0,0.09309683877563983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386038451201688,0.0,0.0,0.13749970309388193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787809104558698,0.2099098118861324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262219199423766,0.0,0.09424970335873922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976435874033636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235585490519017,0.0,0.09977323875244123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714284443499324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015924233162588,0.0,0.06503945770761088,0.0,0.09801663081381658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984876684743312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005012212609263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392510767870972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760467674504708,0.0,0.0938826786238558,0.09563250328235626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501812959406218,0.0664026879143861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053714939591436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895714499208024,0.054704238143516326,0.10782645740018962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738835398368753,0.10204370051280896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810259751494016,0.0,0.0,0.05533447437305501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435088573839493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048951516982896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,candycornday,2019/01/07,"I've had so much hope, but I'm seeing that it's for nothing. Happiness is a delusion for me. I've tried again, over and over, but when youre fundamentally what's wrong, and have to live with yourself... you're stuck. And you have nothing left. Because people don't want something broken. It's idealistic to think anyone would, and I have fooled myself many times into thinking it would be okay. Men use me and then turn away because they aren't interested in what's underneath. In the end, the same thing always happens.
I want to be strong. I've wanted to be strong. But I'm not. I was born to be this way. I want to die but I can't, because there's this tiny hope inside that I'm wrong... but, I'm also what is wrong. So I am stuck.
Because I can't pull myself out of this. I almost cut my wrist, but that tiny hope stopped me again.
For once, I just want to give in and have it all black out. That is paradise to me, unfortunately. I would do anything to just not be me. ",0.6547201074787274,2.8031745369458143,2.3081437527989266,94.94912113748322,84.41871921182265,4.873175100761308,19.0794894760412,6.11248444174946,-0.25308669950738905,753,20,172,6,22,246,102,203,0.185,0.662,0.153,-0.2756,0,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,1,2,9,13,1,0,3,1,23,1,1,1,1,38,44,17,1,11,10,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,2,21,8,24,32,3,21,0,0,2,0,5,11,0,4,8,113,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125073216245349,0.0,0.0,0.09988560588075188,0.10393005290825863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733571294405595,0.0,0.10278526943849302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173513281929642,0.0,0.0,0.3045610391344227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296305312430257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062778436978657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198192048584856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045210867615032,0.13296252702687567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37217327480822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570845577202692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029243444966264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663295291801893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181874012837814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396973266785013,0.0,0.0,0.13301857997720404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659263927984635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995322391071376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615712656845607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442525550265808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298060292352882,0.16006675493223696,0.0,0.0,0.07283247012814502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480155104116131,0.13585957910366042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787686868411404,0.0,0.0,0.3683577898716973,0.09914290418310724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661844464783497,0.4096884296521765,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,____Depressed____,2019/01/07,"All I hear is ""It'll get better"", but it still hasn't got better yet. I used to post here a lot, and all I would hear is: ""It'll get better"", but it still hasn't got better. I don't think it ever will. Thank you all, you gave me hope. Months ago (around August), I made a post here, and wrote a suicide note, and was planning on doing it. I was going to do it, but someone messaged me, and explained how I can transition, and one day be a beautiful girl. He said that the majority is accepting of trans people. Which really gave me hope. He saved my life that day, but I feel he just delayed my suicide. The more I started to learn about trans stuff, the more I started to lose hope again. I think the majority don't accept trans people. I mean if you go to any trans related videos, and read the comments, you'll see what I mean. And I also don't think I'll pass, the more I look through r/transtimeline, the more hope I lose. Right now, I just wanna die. I think that's really just the best option. What's the point of living a life where I hate myself, and everyone else does too. A really lonely life, because I probably won't pass. Also I think my friends will leave me if I come out, so my life is just going to be pain. I'm going to be sad, and lonely all my life. 

So I guess thank you everyone for delaying my suicide.",2.423902355165893,3.501419411552348,3.9954409489427536,89.91092659446453,75.10108303249099,7.153446793880008,22.215746948598934,7.62386473244151,0.6939855251848033,1015,25,230,13,21,339,127,277,0.207,0.6509999999999999,0.142,-0.9704,0,4,0,0,0,4,49.0,0,5,0,8,21,22,1,0,15,0,24,6,0,3,5,55,63,20,4,8,10,0,1,0,1,7,6,3,0,1,14,12,0,2,12,2,0,7,6,7,0,1,9,6,39,15,16,44,12,30,0,5,2,0,19,6,0,9,15,150,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593512845057628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370094261143485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582538139953843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625827937329223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052219402411211036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989808981850572,0.3030480384877992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379113559700122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049116575727212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890472523993356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496431552495836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156048928420372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774871363316042,0.0,0.1637094375501031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331381381377704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618306275599185,0.0,0.08951081984318078,0.0,0.1947371499876086,0.0,0.13702513895052268,0.0,0.09436751133695227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457453060565928,0.0,0.0,0.1930969745362913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34033096391918355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070480505012132,0.0,0.0,0.30253174076325995,0.0,0.0,0.07564204579558251,0.0,0.07193539027723893,0.1916700905546044,0.0,0.07282766487607682,0.0,0.08105645261254824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866243568258648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837543215269998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804750213259347,0.0,0.09115152878125156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877595083742445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097927444806735,0.0,0.16408305188905525,0.0,0.09235926040519593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568623529199741,0.0,0.1646338370940803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315577976477318,0.08148518066599897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682623629285753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258202737315439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126550056196155,0.0,0.13682125060568426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806370172677384,0.28110443106081073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577340612190943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27444712929200343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398537426437915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085257552208195,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotYoshihide,2019/01/07,"I'm going to kill myself in 1 year if my life doesn't improve I'm going to give it a year.  If things don't get better in one year's time, I don't plan to see 2020.  That's still a lot of time, to be honest. So here's hoping there's options for me to not end things.

But Honestly, it would be better for everyone if I did.",1.581599999999998,1.5910199600000041,4.105333333333334,92.34600000000002,76.06666666666666,7.066666666666667,20.33333333333333,6.742157984588678,0.05033333333333356,247,4,64,2,5,88,48,75,0.158,0.7170000000000001,0.125,-0.3694,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,15,5,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,1,5,5,10,11,1,11,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,6,7,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971354975200886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885613029177146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453637929688027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730128381373367,0.21537793194114416,0.2551972793880554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299683468002016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24839568050229335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585835618447309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087700463668555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521390717739559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891161809732706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930020501616528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29831929981520305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261836269284074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949100331374522,0.0,0.0,0.4337463060779826
suicidewatch,TheCapedGamer,2019/01/07,"I feel lost and broken For the past year and half, I’ve felt my life unraveling infront of me. I was in a serious committed relationship with my college girlfriend and we had just moved into together into our apartment. Everything was supposed to be great. Why is is that five months later we broke up, I caught her cheating on me, and I moved out. I don’t know how it all fell apart so fast. She told me she no longer loved me, but still sees a future with me. I just feel like I’m being played. She blocked me on everything after I told her I don’t want her in my life, but we keep saying that, and then we talk again the next day. But now she really blocked me and won’t reply to me at all. 

I just hate feeling so lost and empty. All I can think about is killing my self. I cut my wrist an hour ago and it was the most exciting thing I’ve done today. I feel so lost and that I have no identity. I just want to drive to San Fransisco and jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I just want to feel happy again, but I feel like it’s too late for me. I’m so obsessed with this girl and I don’t know how to feel alive without her. I feel like I sound insane. I hate her for who she has become and the lies she told me, but I still love the old her and want her back. I just wish all this pain would go away.",2.4250714285714285,3.127285650000001,3.692857142857144,93.52214285714285,74.64285714285714,7.171428571428571,21.857142857142854,7.365786028017652,0.3837999999999999,1002,22,245,11,20,328,142,280,0.18600000000000005,0.659,0.155,-0.871,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,5,0,0,3,20,21,5,1,9,0,18,6,1,2,5,64,51,25,1,6,12,0,9,3,1,2,3,2,1,2,10,23,0,3,12,1,0,7,7,12,0,2,13,12,55,9,27,34,5,41,0,4,1,2,30,13,0,1,24,166,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034036409180568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957512951942983,0.07836536029779204,0.0,0.0,0.11255569732614673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572591860390975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429311974861948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831869610824359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122451139528273,0.21842154684280146,0.09785315387537984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791991595672221,0.0,0.0,0.11236023662657536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848905053887192,0.0,0.20123739944107089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003644857263652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058559742355778,0.11275243194758795,0.0,0.11201823101382932,0.0,0.1149631157612234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396934945685608,0.1493696879107363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337525944868299,0.0,0.18396222343793245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134655938101062,0.21663631256076998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838639792640137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694130592054032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844338405225253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728817798495057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528853899545163,0.0,0.0,0.10941719566041228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104588105037115,0.0,0.0,0.08121204041615959,0.0,0.10631823702697164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627768576602691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191438810623994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770694740554317,0.06530219699391923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660229056537184,0.29214878203242434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24044541135232836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196128107647164,0.0,0.11719574896730768,0.09824118975216097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723965829881633,0.0,0.0,0.06562909462257986
suicidewatch,Hyuna_The_Hyena,2019/01/07,"Wow, reading all your posts here about living for others about how it's important to live for someone else if not for ourselves, or to stay alive to spare our loved ones the shock of seeing the body, it feels really good not having absolutely nobody close to see my body because all my close family is already dead. It's truly great to have no one~ It also depletes other people's arguments for staying alive",11.496923076923075,7.937516384615384,10.434615384615388,66.56038461538463,58.23076923076921,12.964102564102564,38.82051282051282,10.504223727775694,3.985789743589744,330,10,57,5,3,105,58,78,0.118,0.632,0.25,0.92,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,1,2,10,7,4,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,4,4,12,7,2,5,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,2,0,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21117787521055276,0.15303585412943402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166553437492487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251304520989426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986229429774151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804034620594921,0.0,0.09676073655052644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605092806017939,0.0,0.2109824254940316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33796054518945035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271588804677726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259350011772986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266955129985256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327636795623412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141845312310515,0.0,0.12259438683812868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049889138853608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214435558946375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079428088695928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bpmixedthrowaway,2019/01/07,"It feels different. I have bipolar disorder with mixed episodes and severe anxiety. I'm just so done feeling like this all the time. My husband will find someone who will love him as much as he deserves and my children will hopefully get a mom who doesn't yell all the time and try to escape from home as much as possible. 

I've found a place I can climb up to and set up a rope and a timeframe that should work most weeks where my husband will be home with the kids. I'll wipe all of my electronics beforehand since I have cheated on my husband and he doesn't need to stumble upon that while he grieves. Tomorrow, I plan to purchase the rope and store it in my locker on my University's campus.

I have one thing left I wanna try before I do it. I remember feeling so very happy and satisfied just last week. Maybe I can ride that again. I'm going to try to make a friend and be 100% myself, within respectable bounds. If I'm rejected, once again, I don't think I'll be able to take it.  

I know I am loved, albeit the me I try to present. I know I have potential. I don't have the motivation, patience, or the positivity to do anything worth something. I can fake motivation and ambition for only so long. I feel empty. My insides feel raw from the emotions scratching at my chest and my throat. 

I've always been able to calm myself down by thinking of slitting my throat, warm blood enveloping me in a tender last embrace. I knew I couldn't bring myself to do that and I wouldn't have the strength anyway, but it would help me relax. This time I know what I want to do and where to do it. I feel more independent knowing I can do it. All I need is rope, conveniently located at my neighborhood hardware store. 

I'm not really looking for any support so I'm not sure why I am posting here. I just want to get it out of me... Somewhere. ",2.9769354838709674,4.5422264784946265,4.281483870967743,86.45222580645162,74.53763440860214,7.433118279569893,27.184946236559142,8.131152278815165,1.6751617204301077,1438,55,300,23,30,474,187,372,0.064,0.813,0.123,0.9532,1,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,6,13,18,1,0,15,0,36,8,4,4,5,61,70,25,1,11,8,4,8,1,1,7,2,1,2,2,18,16,0,1,18,1,4,4,8,4,0,1,4,10,48,14,41,55,8,35,0,2,1,2,16,16,0,4,14,199,66,4,0.21663615987163448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012931968706724,0.0,0.0,0.07366000874158668,0.0,0.08286303467127773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913655048863288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217070802182196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316933920481605,0.1241419038447992,0.0,0.0,0.11084700300843653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218432607128152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32861325485816995,0.07738245794912357,0.0,0.0,0.09900076271386324,0.0,0.0,0.11876518378016422,0.0836862798637976,0.0,0.11318345220516735,0.0,0.06155966101865661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530661025818956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260332573384648,0.0,0.2173037317840608,0.10758429387690388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23811513588084102,0.1765873843384738,0.0,0.0,0.11768791078468993,0.0,0.0,0.05291874249908601,0.0,0.0,0.09585809217200404,0.09095990654055224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552259232453434,0.0,0.0723031594608332,0.0,0.10882007023500882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686082608418647,0.0,0.0,0.1592525039816802,0.16063296755800244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535522001194393,0.07339913425845207,0.08238078079080767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316933920481605,0.0,0.0,0.12211236003705885,0.10373877869568923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693913356498385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227032692195402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236859881181172,0.0,0.08960183505106098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177755762416268,0.0833885498771789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229180734838443,0.10208850844768673,0.0,0.08144171576036026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196171924709963,0.13881170386099784,0.0,0.0,0.18948343044449856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941634643636608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937375993407279,0.12777761994165052,0.0,0.17377246015730166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774021934249656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885685225538068,0.0,0.0,0.07694605618886655,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ka_bob,2019/01/07,I don't know anymore. Every day I fight the urge to just end it. Nobody in my life sees how much I am truely suffering. Everyone thinks I have my life together and am going places but I hate everything all the time. I have my own business. I'm so fucking stressed all the time. I can't sleep at night.  I used to smoke weed to help alleviate the stress but then I developed derealization syndrome so now that isn't an option. I have PTSD and socializing has become incredibly difficult for me nor would I want to. I don't understand this bullshit rat race of a life we are forced to live. The reason I started my business was to have some sort of freedom but it still doesn't help. I don't know what I have to live for anymore. I'm slipping further and further into the void and for some reason the only thing that brings me any solace is thinking about killing myself. ,2.3652332657200823,4.625135252873566,3.7282014874915497,86.56341784989858,78.65517241379311,6.622853279242732,25.17782285327924,7.724431198458867,1.4042147396889786,690,26,138,11,17,226,105,174,0.202,0.731,0.066,-0.9787,0,0,1,0,1,1,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,8,4,2,9,0,18,5,1,4,2,27,33,12,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,1,23,0,16,31,6,17,0,1,1,1,5,6,1,4,9,94,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907424580058737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889708093368788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609032397226201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395804466894464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903816187954315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227501703551162,0.1392131084927757,0.13093684377298204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468812518956114,0.0,0.0,0.08279902611143575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438387851198602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953059702973983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118448037686944,0.0,0.16013490837247035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087156221142914,0.0,0.0,0.25729400786031364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709896722379983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672026451873534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080386582556594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522151180948458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030389934629858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29958732009372163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160961258991632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457952889743306,0.1485126825924081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312018377679946,0.0,0.11634828076943925,0.0,0.3337749735643139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967900110619296,0.18670463258523096,0.0,0.0,0.16990610675285825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166850438930046,0.0,0.12582944622472858,0.0,0.0,0.0859317799589527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034940480523945,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Narcoticnurse,2019/01/07,"Third time is the charm... except I have a dog. What to do? The first time, I took an overdose of propranolol, diazepam, and codeine. I went to ED because I got scared. They monitored my heart for ten hours and then sent me to psych for a week. I decided then that I would never go back to a psych ward.

The second time, I took a bigger overdose of propranolol, diazepam, codeine, and imipramine. I was unconscious when they found me. I was intubated, I had a central line put in, and the doctors weren’t sure that I’d survive. I woke up in ICU after being in a coma. There is nothing more disappointing than waking up from a suicide attempt.

This time, I have a mixture of blood pressure medication. I’ve been researching and I know that this particular combination has a survival rate of less than 5% for an overdose of less than I will be taking. I have sedatives and pain killers handy to make sure I don’t get scared and call an ambulance. I am also considering getting some heroin organised so I can top off the overdose with a heavy opiate. I don’t want to continue feeling awful. I don’t even want to feel better. I don’t want anything anymore. 

My question is this: what do I do with my dog? He is the loveliest creature, and only thing that cares about me despite my past. He doesn’t see me as the damaged wreck that I am. What can I do to ensure that he isn’t left with my dead body? 

I’ve been considering sending out an email on a timer for someone to call an ambulance so he isn’t left for days without food, or leaving him at a friends place. I feel so guilty for ever getting him. I got him to help with when I feel suicidal. I should’ve known I am too weak to handle having anyone depend on me. I just want to erase myself from having ever existed. Suicide isn’t enough.",3.1561808171544463,4.8045761876750746,4.349409832898679,85.80554621848741,74.23809523809524,7.052989471650728,27.996619337390126,7.753152298057669,1.664606181783058,1397,56,282,19,29,458,181,357,0.147,0.767,0.086,-0.9833,1,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,0,2,6,14,13,0,3,24,1,37,10,4,2,5,39,62,18,4,5,4,0,4,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,13,13,1,0,9,0,0,7,11,7,0,4,14,5,46,6,47,44,5,41,0,2,1,0,17,15,0,4,19,201,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851868088367838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056426937043546,0.07448371181801271,0.0,0.08765976860917761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191000040121957,0.0,0.06493574021779011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421138404549108,0.0,0.11832360056950413,0.0,0.0,0.2175448182492276,0.0,0.10860781324398923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869884855705126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903132163379012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006725667623496,0.0,0.07035777071442986,0.19271321856296386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154459401511122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060883933342356,0.12880864564498176,0.1167975255035621,0.08229979608150631,0.0,0.16696240503425366,0.0,0.060539762992544925,0.0,0.17039315686016832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623086687012358,0.07140046029599663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490419535972444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854253277481061,0.0,0.0,0.11279301151051566,0.2314762007488514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110526706838817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731122491773222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215749438263857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022121764512638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101592604132131,0.11334852028339212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168873935497937,0.0,0.0,0.1112943908415303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107085544984856,0.11933070517351717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329722429825898,0.0,0.0848854422131575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025702050109652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495582765519275,0.0,0.20079428649915093,0.0,0.08009241909802213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076948371166553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484588507106467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367030681657853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513212938152666,0.0,0.08544673068753744,0.0,0.0,0.09874835678206127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268485797088228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567124197570316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lemon-on-trees,2019/01/07,"Am I selfish? Am I selfish for living? The amount of oxygen I take up could go to someone deserving. I am a burden to everyone I know. My own family cant deal with me. The *""love of my life""* looked me in the eyes and told me, ""I can't deal with you. You're too much and I cant handle it."" 

I constantly pour out love to almost everyone. I'm always the one to check up on people and give them compliments. But the truth is, I do it bc I have no idea what else to do. 

If I'm going to be an oxygen hogging sack of shit, the least I can do is try and make people happy? 

I know that I'm cared for, I just dont feel it. 

I think its selfish for people to expect me to deal with all of this pain. But if I kill myself, I will be selfish for inflicting pain on others. 

I'm just lost. ",-1.1781213872832377,0.6614343526011588,1.9707832369942189,96.3396430635838,89.86705202312139,5.07849710982659,15.5864161849711,6.508806274219699,-0.4868702890173409,585,12,145,7,20,208,93,173,0.198,0.7170000000000001,0.085,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,1,1,3,16,2,0,8,0,18,7,2,1,2,25,37,8,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,5,0,1,2,5,10,0,1,2,3,25,6,25,31,5,9,0,1,2,2,9,6,1,3,1,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322535654572832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901364121317445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583011641005908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545662064184774,0.0,0.11419899037285493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44237749583615793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676318178239784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948443994928368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733453984977733,0.0,0.0,0.13483734062357186,0.0,0.07232100894465376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720881937838889,0.16257616134498168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225965968036312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614651199980744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582431298937567,0.0,0.15721271084449934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102735734077573,0.0,0.0,0.1262994086388717,0.0,0.12011041156626552,0.0,0.15613574580903616,0.0,0.2581829723421392,0.0,0.0954746170117302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514458800411282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692182588665986,0.0,0.30439113750869723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29748003627162245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468197487361725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119010054028913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075418650994174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164879074235796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667269924888664,0.0,0.09710897942910107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sillybilly21,2019/01/07,"Unreal. I feel a whirlwind in my head 
It’s making me dizzy 
I feel really numb 
And unsteady 
Like I’m super floppy loss of body movements falling apart 
It feels like my throat is closing over like I can’t breathe Idk if I am breathing nothing feels real just empty. Idk what I’m doing I feel like I need some help",-0.6787435897435898,1.2612812153846171,1.4086538461538467,94.61092948717949,106.07692307692308,3.3974358974358982,17.724358974358974,5.46131890053228,-0.29302564102564066,249,8,50,2,12,82,48,65,0.185,0.58,0.235,0.7584,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,1,0,4,6,5,1,0,13,13,2,0,2,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,5,9,5,3,13,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257483600283036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5860390073226154,0.3312037223350191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378992695428984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537430817176684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452993739446969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547319391544452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188080540136594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224235829434298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638453529551371,0.14850050821683367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Away_Yesterday,2019/01/07,Hanging 100%? My plan is to take a lot of xanax and then hang myself shortly after. my only issue is failing.,0.22030303030303244,2.614907090909089,2.824545454545458,87.87348484848488,91.72727272727272,2.9333333333333336,20.96969696969697,3.1291,-0.10977575757575764,84,3,15,0,3,29,20,22,0.142,0.858,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070803599876282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944889702395858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423629304183612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373204004164062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Death_Wisher,2019/01/07,"Decision might have been made for me. Just found out I have cancer. I will know next week just how bad it is. I'm honestly hoping it's late stage because holy shit that might just be the kick I need. I was actually fretting about how much it would cost my family for a funeral but by comparison, treatment would be farrrrr more costly. Wish me luck.",3.16,5.145793043478264,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304352,75.08695652173913,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,1.7682347826086948,276,9,56,6,6,90,54,69,0.145,0.698,0.156,0.4268,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,12,2,1,3,0,19,19,3,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,7,3,5,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.22196261220319435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991486204238275,0.13865404641725138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144236963203048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493919291329537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591346841201826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500294952390847,0.0,0.2565783877597086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152227835633969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825861926935302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720510137364808,0.16865450120379544,0.0,0.0,0.24190025688585556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334785977774245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824501410658654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615612505212371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231540554449777,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,its_ya_boo,2019/01/07,I’ve just accepted that I’ll kill myself before I get my degree. I’ve just come to accept it. I’m an unhappy pathetic man that deosnt deserve any real happiness.  I won’t last much longer. I’m weak and friendless and it’s only a matter of time.,-0.14379120879120674,2.1526601153846165,3.1917582417582433,85.41038461538463,92.07692307692308,6.048351648351648,18.96703296703297,7.447530270364453,0.9624417582417584,194,6,38,4,7,70,40,52,0.281,0.5589999999999999,0.159,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407664597240663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012708719398483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049831291409731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497675707850594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768933076296699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917043868384615,0.0,0.0,0.2885983865971473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602678321718319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692713356835244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029869450602217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644967558331104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissaShip,2019/01/07,"I keep coming back here You’ll all get sick of seeing my username by the time I finally just give in and do this. I guess you could consider it good that I keep reaching out for help. Or you could consider it awful that I need too do it so often. 

Things are getting so bad I can hardly sit still long enough to write this. I feel like getting dressed and just running. I’m pretty sure no one would notice for a while. Least of all my fiancé. I think he not only wouldn’t notice he wouldn’t care. Rightfully so. I’m absolutely not worth the stress or worry.

I feel like my brain is in a blender and the only thing that makes any sense is “Kill myself” ",1.5207521367521366,3.5192665111111125,2.794814814814813,93.52128205128206,80.18518518518519,5.635327635327637,19.273504273504273,6.67199483983844,0.017974358974359284,509,12,112,5,13,164,87,135,0.151,0.691,0.157,-0.274,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,0,0,10,8,1,1,5,1,12,2,1,1,3,29,29,9,1,6,6,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,4,16,5,9,23,4,13,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,4,8,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030228642590937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649151283699813,0.1264933099235355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912027770377822,0.0,0.0,0.154460852261479,0.0,0.0,0.13050088268446405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419153713186625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653645685785986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320243791879368,0.2164583631613579,0.0,0.16595708995134034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23745211883864484,0.14532931674678004,0.0,0.12706813720845314,0.0,0.0,0.1668905543541859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571117189554416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154495905746357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693142287616291,0.16760851125692167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480271457575131,0.0,0.0,0.1340696992396167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112513845564566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233278881570638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34495970354055044,0.0,0.0,0.10265799820865752,0.2304399399881666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412647811415314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293772450516553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072315386169948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098535840095992,0.0,0.17353881181094508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278372658244698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129518202621,0.09707288641937953,0.0,0.0,0.08833886965954084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538521230732999,0.0,0.1076188183716938,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MikestheDyke,2019/01/07,"Considered Killing Myself Tonight I fucking hate my life, which feels a little pathetic, since there are people out there with worse lives than me. But I can't help but feel massive amounts of regret and disappointment when I reflect on my life. 

I don't think I've ever had a best friend. I've never had that person I could talk about or do anything with. I've never felt like there was anyone I could fully relate to. I've never felt like I'd have someone by my side through thick and thin. I've never had that could offer me a shoulder to cry on, who understands me. If I ever did have this person in my life, and just not know it, then they're definitely out of my life and this point, and I was too stupid to realize. Before you say these are unrealistic expectations, they're not. I've witnessed people my age and kids younger than me hanging out with somebody they truly love, and fully connect with. Seeing younger kids hanging out and having a good time really gets to me, because I know that's something I never experienced, not frequent enough to make me have a generally positive attitude towards my life. My two ""friends"" right now, for example, frequently platonically cuddle and make sex jokes with each other, not because they're gay or anything, but because they're great friends and know each other so well that they're able to make these kinds of jokes. They listen to all of the same music, they talk about girls, they talk about movies, they talk about their dreams, they talk about anything and everything. Why don't I have that ? What is it I did to not deserve this ? 

My family is a constant source of frustration as well. I don't love my brother. In fact, if I don't end up killing myself, as soon as possible, I want to distance myself from him. It's not like he's a terrible person or anything, I just don't like him. I find him irritating, controlling, unintelligent, and all around not very fun to be around. As for my dad, he's probably the one in the family I love the most, but he tends to be very unenthusiastic and grumpy, and I don't really feel like I can talk to him about my personal life or anything. My mom is a nice lady, but she used to be a selfish bitch. Back when my parents were getting a divorce, she wanted to move to Pennsylvania with her piece of shit, toothless, racist, alcoholic, ex convict boyfriend, but my dad wouldn't allow it. So what did my mom do ? She abandoned us with our dad, who didn't have a lot of money, as this was in 2012 when the recession was still hitting him pretty hard, made us live in poverty for 4-6 months in order to emotionally manipulate my dad into handing us over, while she fucked her boyfriend and watched Family Guy in Pennsylvania. She eventually realized how much of a selfish bitch she was being, and that my dad wasn't going to let us go, so she moved back here with her aforementioned piece of shit boyfriend (who still lives with us. He's her husband now). 

Considering all of these things, I was led to believe that I might be better off dead, but I'm too much of a pussy to go through with it. I guess I still have a slimmer of hope things might get better. But over the years, I've thought to myself ""it'll get better"", but things haven't much since. I still feel like I'm in limbo. I can't find love, platonic or romantic. I feel completely alone in this world, while so many others have great friends and family. I know that these people probably have issues as well, I'm under no delusions that I'm the only one with problems, but I know these people have the best friends they could ask for, friends they can truly rely on, relate to, and have a hell of a great time with. I deeply, deeply regret not having that when I was younger, nor do I have this now. I'm not too hopeful about my future,",7.256449490662142,6.278548950268822,7.176434634974536,78.48333616298814,64.20161290322581,10.2509337860781,33.01980758347481,9.345792617884785,2.675145698924731,2985,100,600,45,38,954,291,744,0.16699999999999998,0.6679999999999999,0.165,0.7959,1,1,2,0,1,2,97.0,6,1,9,6,42,55,12,0,24,0,62,20,4,10,11,129,111,54,3,15,28,11,11,6,6,4,7,2,0,8,39,39,1,2,20,3,1,8,28,20,3,3,20,16,93,35,94,76,17,76,1,4,2,9,80,32,7,14,41,417,132,0,0.050683254860782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054164985684120544,0.0,0.05249256676586017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543891024303158,0.0,0.20854000128617972,0.09023768460024996,0.04738200155834309,0.0,0.0,0.07794458899465062,0.0,0.0926881252145073,0.0,0.04312771688841613,0.057102672202352926,0.1063778981361121,0.1344756605800295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314042843225367,0.05477059294834765,0.056845580011003274,0.1618658194894067,0.0,0.0556731755622682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057011839938776,0.04489032021960666,0.052369350759215186,0.0,0.0,0.09169181138535827,0.0,0.0,0.04555084139373192,0.0,0.19111864795430494,0.0,0.12813488259513628,0.07241625479907209,0.09732774572417403,0.0,0.09264715347634928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349465418811445,0.09371170483940988,0.10591963516223286,0.0,0.0864133852003476,0.04251070952648458,0.0,0.1676354022348608,0.05583331930982944,0.05018439072215248,0.0,0.0,0.04540224114945556,0.05003922118835887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033971917376022044,0.0,0.0,0.10067981612693604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290015015164664,0.0,0.0,0.11214702430902593,0.05277881058811483,0.13927095694930972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182706199072641,0.21479449074053544,0.1485676692893302,0.05079793633930589,0.13426272780703485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043089090832291635,0.18297446527296488,0.047957721219106866,0.10149439854448827,0.05138486537742462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753384799787796,0.0,0.1187192310662092,0.04045489048341976,0.10773655783435253,0.11177407203816607,0.0,0.1954502533609356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868857037322329,0.03854689919655879,0.0,0.0,0.05627775656407228,0.0,0.0,0.14054954921414167,0.17701865280064602,0.0,0.0,0.04791205811916752,0.05713775455655345,0.0,0.051563091152444916,0.10929024204125072,0.04849702997868662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649379817654597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328322272250839,0.0,0.04030535854218811,0.0,0.0,0.04038799214091577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405126555329997,0.08385142433428673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294375737016221,0.039018445751627315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619028512082002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24442368245714796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101510732968927,0.0324757832146543,0.0,0.04023684298495564,0.059107626986521986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951017543401577,0.05276305575105902,0.3048285756647291,0.043774059176050005,0.0,0.08363798647998642,0.059788593749485315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671099880216625,0.0,0.04573375423585643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516505666947372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263835441455982
suicidewatch,soapylobster,2019/01/07,"Tonight is hard Tonight is becoming really hard for me, I’m laying in bed and I only see my self ending my life in the future (I’m 14) not because I don’t think I couldn’t get a job and have a family or anything it’s because of myself. I’m abusive to most people in my life and I also have abandonment issues but I just push people away. Because of how abusive I am I can’t keep many friends for that long. I reconnected with my best friend whom I had not hung out with in 3.5 years and I only got to catch up with him for a hour and he was going on about his life and every thing he did and all I could think of that I have done is push people away, stick to my self, then become depressed and end up self harming, going to a therapist and getting on ssri’s. I should be happy because the hope of getting him back in my life has kept me alive but the day after I relapsed on my self harm after 3 months of being clean. I don’t know why I relapsed I got what I wanted and I saw myself being happy and getting a chance to have friends and a social life again and my mind couldn’t fathom that happening and threw itself even farther into a depressive state. Why does depression have to be so cruel but comforting, it’s like a abusive relation ship. Sorry if this is shit it’s my first post on here.  ",1.7518575757575758,3.404553996363635,3.639477272727273,89.37788257575758,78.12727272727273,6.183333333333334,22.00378787878788,6.996647511020387,0.5903606060606066,1019,29,218,11,24,344,142,275,0.17,0.672,0.158,-0.4411,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,11,17,2,0,11,0,26,6,1,1,1,43,48,23,0,7,8,0,2,1,3,1,5,0,2,4,11,19,0,3,3,0,0,6,7,8,0,1,9,4,35,9,35,31,3,40,0,4,2,0,14,16,1,4,17,152,46,1,0.0,0.3170803802190119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133728860265283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340819896301172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676222613536616,0.06859321786851688,0.0,0.2175144111534382,0.19704005544533315,0.0,0.0,0.09361525203174803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712230160227344,0.0,0.0,0.05752991165068901,0.0,0.2304966733798801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806398673681082,0.09128779167121287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801848747819008,0.0,0.0,0.05891912918713876,0.0,0.0751591466225026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409463201329938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587781500143205,0.0,0.0,0.2067589237761457,0.0,0.18642393795252385,0.0,0.10139463148126612,0.0,0.1426909397456171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888377793702178,0.1899209817113812,0.15982050115613702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860079514988657,0.08784905740915973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310695126965607,0.08852230010772917,0.07928959423158459,0.0,0.0,0.04902479166802183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150410116203157,0.0435811073790732,0.0,0.0,0.07894370899258156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043997309986444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007172446625962,0.0,0.07120266211081427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568900106339787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855307592531363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543383006103801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057147073178943235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710849176299823,0.0,0.3722415091604272,0.0,0.09156775626954987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093336859714392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985780942661313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035740000112219,0.059263906615784276,0.11431805605627805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261548094624185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098746089792593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744516159759131
suicidewatch,goosesandducks,2019/01/07,"I don’t know what to do I have no real friends, I can’t do a lot because of medical stuff that’s only going to get worse, and it really gets me down. I’m so lonely all the time. 
I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot again recently, I don’t see a point in sticking around ",0.02251366120218634,1.7238637377049209,2.8831967213114744,92.4994398907104,83.75409836065573,6.033879781420765,21.642076502732237,7.1686216300943375,0.5845387978142074,212,7,50,3,6,75,47,61,0.221,0.727,0.052000000000000005,-0.8733,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,14,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,7,13,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,3,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936899431877271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021736505225464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038604118837413,0.0,0.25749202173219304,0.0,0.14004804822624672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542780889880476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190005789206114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482455639006525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741603462712933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329496828715229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804836803663863,0.15786508503721336,0.0,0.2433132939361819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963674767976626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28209573837450913,0.26954710949483185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789810953313094,0.0,0.0,0.14369141613111122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511264095929122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thromega,2019/01/07,"Confessions that are tearing me apart I'm not sure if this is even the right place but it's my only real outlet for my problems. I live in a small town where I can't even tell a counselor or therapist without repercussions. Recently someone who literally all my friends loved but I didn't know well committed suicide. A few months later, I met this girl I've been seeing for a while (I'll call her Jane) and honestly I've never met someone better for me or more soothing to my disturbed psyche. Literally trust Jane in a way I haven't let myself trust anyone else. 

Jane explained to me that she had been with this guy who committed suicide and broken up with him only a month prior to him doing it. A childhood friend of mine (I'll call her Karen) who was dating this guy at the time of his suicide reached out to me last night and told me that I should avoid Jane as she is the reason her boyfriend killed himself, and didn't want me to kill myself too because she knew I was often suicidal (which I wouldn't do, and I'm not). 

When I pried her about it, she told me that he had written in his suicide note that he did it because of Jane. Karen told me this is a secret that only the guy's family and her knew as no one else read his suicide note, and if Jane or anyone else ever found out that my whole life would essentially be ruined because I was with the girl he blamed for his actions, and all of my friends adored him.

On a personal level, Karen also blamed Jane, even saying at one point ""the girl you're dating is the reason he's dead"". At this point in the conversation I basically stopped replying and cut it off but now I've got this secret that I'm not even sure is true about Jane that I can't tell Jane because she would either be devestated and blame herself or think it was bullshit and go after Karen for it, and a million other possibilities that all end in everyone getting burned. 

I don't even know if I'm looking for advice at this point, if you have something go ahead. It's just eating me up inside and I have no fucking clue what to do.
",8.538380952380955,5.778590742857148,8.400476190476194,76.39452380952382,63.0,11.142857142857142,35.714285714285715,8.998388855275968,2.883714285714286,1632,52,337,19,18,530,188,420,0.226,0.6859999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9971,0,1,1,0,0,6,31.0,0,1,0,2,16,21,4,2,18,0,33,4,0,2,10,67,59,29,9,10,17,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,7,32,18,1,2,12,1,0,3,14,8,1,3,21,3,52,13,41,31,7,49,1,1,2,2,53,25,1,9,20,231,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447863344642168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095092271611186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658577365721268,0.15618719865925784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584535974865712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740798095790555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155652707096991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798929414764999,0.1910092455207446,0.0,0.0675058781084784,0.0,0.0,0.25170393772523897,0.06894288359544946,0.0,0.07282886702763504,0.0,0.0,0.0718508583250509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356830180175452,0.17665581956920187,0.07046163731155422,0.039820377453184314,0.0,0.08663206113238056,0.0,0.06095791283270795,0.0,0.0,0.22640123838267176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864623188691527,0.0,0.08377403589796556,0.06212724705623991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779373217288488,0.05383451131323624,0.0,0.0,0.06730124514976431,0.0,0.06400331039532993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878906125671767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167179438710207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058783456723446585,0.0,0.0,0.07152474413093635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329358838111406,0.17390000333431585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654997970847719,0.07963082439108503,0.0,0.21614986523795365,0.08592351927135908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292963334519799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623789476730261,0.0867519385378409,0.0,0.15672809360049192,0.07525535850577379,0.0,0.0,0.06508913153111331,0.0,0.06061103167802954,0.0,0.0,0.06073529574244443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291572898731103,0.05867577753970206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372104991134922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5002159322510945,0.0,0.14366774862638038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323450554632602,0.0,0.0,0.08849412409329778,0.0,0.04883694864373662,0.0,0.0,0.04444290264709237,0.0,0.0,0.2184866010829051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044954920149659086,0.060497720741962475,0.0,0.0,0.06852847841939673,0.0,0.0,0.08509385928869159,0.0,0.07347072777769834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828512264921736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jahmon808,2019/01/07,"I wish I could Soul Swap I don’t want to live as a human on earth anymore. But I don’t want this body and life to go to waste. I wish I could just leave this body and let another soul take over. I think any other soul could live this life better than me. 

I feel pathetic and that I make everything worse. I don’t believe anyone cares about what I have to think or say. I fear that I’ve ruined my nearly 5-year relationship beyond repair because I’ve fucked up and hurt her (emotionally) too many times. I’ve few friends whom I rarely see or speak to. I have no dreams, no skills and no purpose. I’ve always felt like I can’t handle this life. I’ve always struggled with self-esteem. I’ve often felt like I’m ‘nothing’.  I struggle between love and hate for myself. I struggle between depression and contentment for life. It’s not all bad, but it’s bad enough. The problem isn’t my life though, it’s me. 

But in any case, I’ll never hurt this body. It’s not its fault, and it doesn’t deserve to die. So I’m stuck here. It’s depressing that I’ve got the rest of my life ahead of me and I don’t feel like it’s going to get any better. 

My only solace is escapism through video games, and the thought that perhaps my SO, whom I deeply love and care for, might someday be happy again after all the pain that I and others from her past have caused her. ",1.5637152209492626,3.4060540567375917,2.741418439716316,94.72615384615385,79.35460992907802,5.473213311511184,20.066012002182216,6.297961479604792,-0.06496279323513354,1052,26,237,8,26,337,147,282,0.17800000000000002,0.647,0.17600000000000002,0.3432,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,4,10,27,2,4,5,0,17,13,3,2,3,43,44,21,1,8,8,0,4,3,1,1,7,2,0,1,23,13,0,0,7,3,0,2,13,16,0,0,5,7,32,11,28,33,5,14,3,5,1,3,13,6,1,4,9,141,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880923657786696,0.0,0.0,0.18242603580964398,0.09376468557905332,0.0,0.0,0.08868063000976642,0.06252455572528612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932395995616365,0.05450961302425392,0.0,0.0,0.10074573923674196,0.0,0.15816947861301695,0.0,0.2979764451924912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823393358259855,0.09185899039401836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141838246706784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540346610009463,0.0,0.0928038611145801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058548467793292,0.0,0.09239478210212322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036494636897244,0.0,0.0,0.10062238052813938,0.09042689577338713,0.0638816787473228,0.17171448047966362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908568411373674,0.08266736577340679,0.0467182687453349,0.0,0.10163891386271096,0.0,0.0715173570923903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518927195100613,0.0,0.08828375512073372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145195745901453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946828878620222,0.0,0.09143802682686077,0.3789600191905397,0.13105831208908494,0.0,0.15791902834165247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141011492464655,0.0,0.059688556392588875,0.09065786325522956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948605082011491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896623047369263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580091897064017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800795313185835,0.0951492037635506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536152529521104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556288081712393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600363485625296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111038739387324,0.0,0.0,0.07125617712084273,0.0,0.0932845805861835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804436540359344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723272509972053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459347386260176,0.08785471370386909,0.07098950600257613,0.05214153160980605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548448685329563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056572154432073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911266377380414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758355986062101
suicidewatch,smolmeatbol,2019/01/07,Goodbye I just took all my antidepressants and a couple of acetaminophens and I hope it’s enough to end my life,9.05227272727273,7.175521500000002,8.008181818181821,76.83227272727272,61.27272727272727,10.618181818181819,35.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.776127272727273,91,3,18,1,1,28,19,22,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595912836483387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678883513244968,0.4291810353878285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125492019815729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29338318626950843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614836007664476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,san-yang,2019/01/07,"It's just been constantly un my head for the past few months Normally my suicidal thoughts are passive, although daily.

Lately the thought has been more at the forefront. I'm tired of flipping between feeling nothing, sadness and anger. It's some how exhausting to feel nothing.

I just want it all to end.",3.9270238095238135,6.85847575,3.853571428571428,84.05809523809525,77.21428571428572,6.590476190476192,36.11904761904762,7.793537801064563,3.147676190476192,246,15,41,4,6,75,45,56,0.173,0.6859999999999999,0.14,-0.4836,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,4,3,1,1,1,12,10,3,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,6,6,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630386155429004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558809292019968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461497698399013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24980781872608496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27457591153345906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942867113878748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23848910236049214,0.4671149280541981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23236139673814746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662498977966015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38647905391716586,0.0,0.27976279516823804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356891242671838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strawberrypancake95,2019/01/08,"I feel sad and anxious a lot and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel. I feel like nobody cares about that part of me and that people only like me when I’m happy and perfect. I feel sad and anxious a lot and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel. I feel like nobody cares about that part of me and that people only will like me when I’m happy and perfect. And I can't be perfect and I'm not perfect. 

My life is not at all what I thought it would be after graduating college, and I’m having a hard lining up my expectations with reality. My job isn’t at all about what I studied and I feel like my life is going nowhere. I feel empty and purposeless. 

I still live at home because of money and my parents are controlling. Today, my mom called me twice after work asking where I was when I didn’t come home right afterwards. I was only out until 7. Tonight my dad watched me walk six feet outside into the carport to get something I forgot in my car ""for safety."" I’m 23 years old. I feel like I’m not an adult. I love my parents and I have the absolute worst feeling when I disappoint them or do something they don’t like, which is very easy to do. 

I have a hard time making friends because I feel like people won’t like me and I have a hard time opening up. I’ve never dated anyone or kissed anyone either. I feel really lonely. 

Sometimes I am so, so sad for no apparent reason. It keeps me up at night and makes it hard to be motivated about my job. Sometimes I cry a lot and sometimes I feel numb and want to cry but I can’t. I also feel like my life isn’t real sometimes. I’ve had enormous anxious feelings and periods of frequent panic attacks since I was 13. Medication or therapy was never an option with my parents.

I feel like my mom never takes me seriously anytime I feel like I have any health related issue. Yet now she wants to go with me to my doctor’s appointments because apparently I can’t handle them myself. 

I think about killing myself because I feel trapped in a place that makes me anxious in a teeth grinding, vomiting, panicking way. I don’t know how to get to therapy because it costs money, plus I’m on my parents’ insurance and I don’t think they would support me going to see a therapist or taking any medication. I feel like I will be stuck anxious and sad forever, that I’ll never be able to live my life how I want to live it and that I’ll never have really great friends and someone I love because I’m socially stunted. 

I don’t think I would ever act on suicidal thoughts. But sometimes it seems like the only way out when I feel hopeless and just so sad I want to give up. 

Sorry to vent. My problems are so teeny compared to other people’s. My parents are great parents except for the extreme helicoptering and the health stuff, and there are parts of my job that are fantastic, it's just nothing like I thought it would be. It feels good to get this off my chest. Thank you for being a person I feel like I can talk to. ",2.6601136363636364,4.181154758116886,4.367072727272732,85.69610909090913,75.28246753246755,6.876051948051948,26.281038961038966,7.554174236665415,1.3899689350649345,2345,86,480,30,50,791,232,616,0.156,0.696,0.149,-0.9363,11,3,2,0,0,2,48.0,0,1,4,7,29,51,2,1,17,0,49,17,3,10,12,120,117,49,2,10,13,9,28,18,2,7,11,0,2,2,23,36,0,3,34,0,3,7,22,15,0,2,11,30,93,36,59,92,10,59,0,8,2,3,28,22,0,9,46,317,116,8,0.03948704932548156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031577779079309615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053705095219891384,0.0,0.0,0.2230456309803132,0.0,0.1104410520320164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691506075948688,0.04492221914326314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442563257963453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04032069227810056,0.0,0.08051935692242305,0.0,0.0,0.03401459657160706,0.0,0.0,0.044288083470483096,0.0,0.0,0.08674933903009979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040416668194175824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035718296791135765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791801262090456,0.3385146711361145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101519271401214,0.0,0.061891060514116664,0.03787957581192298,0.06732420033323991,0.033119863523847985,0.0,0.08706922256574685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406939653134751,0.14149056059485188,0.0,0.0,0.08394577387063022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921746010133134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121422043831242,0.11755441051162692,0.035097903760810616,0.04368656958556009,0.0,0.021701049633731147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156348283748586,0.3472447991854797,0.0,0.10460336397204023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071143179883334,0.07127720738716636,0.0,0.07907373614016612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955809589427956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249350985589576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227423369592974,0.0,0.0,0.03705592086588405,0.0,0.03788888879940909,0.0,0.04143501583043501,0.0,0.0,0.12012672146647435,0.0,0.046329544423389976,0.26307417179228865,0.12828187930389146,0.0,0.10950139247642128,0.034478568384516295,0.041255562155095626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778377336198959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044944906947662,0.05059282984317693,0.04059926326537328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372172437038926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03146606590689836,0.03594752667606268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03266409524994699,0.0,0.0,0.04025207406595013,0.03345724875316213,0.06079811946688194,0.19526850732069045,0.044202518867532764,0.0,0.0,0.03153440859883058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045203224283895865,0.043192422954630966,0.044809435631851295,0.0,0.0,0.05937869373767957,0.0952145835149336,0.0,0.03635436976651366,0.0903137644683207,0.04584750773094496,0.0,0.07590512037179611,0.0,0.09404491925466343,0.04605043201625456,0.0,0.03742910566106767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03258095111186992,0.09316193906535797,0.06268596356742158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02874704219743825,0.0,0.0,0.1122018676081188,0.0,0.0,0.025428365131843857
suicidewatch,Suicidewatchanon66,2019/01/08,"I need help I like to see myself as a strong person. But everything is just pain.
My best friend of three years ghosted me :( i wasnt worth him caring to fix it, or even say goodbye. He truly doesnt care.

ive cried more in the last three months than maybe in the last 18 years of my life. becuase, all i really want in life is people who actually care about me :( good friends.

If someone was my best friend and could still leave me like that then everyone will :(and this is pointless.

Im fairly pretty, im smart, getting an engineering degree, and im a very good artist, with a family that loves me(and.. i know one of the only things that will always keep me from dying is them :( they would be so sad.)

But, out of all the friends i have, no one really cares. and after what has happened, i .. cant trust... no one cares. :( no one will ever care. not really. 

I feel worthless. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I cant bear to look for other people. i just see how they wont care :( 

its nothing but pain, like life isnt worth it. and i think to myself how i dont want to be here more than i dont. 

I just sleep all the time, and even my dreams are getting horrible :( just people throwing me away.

I dont want to do this anymore :( surely nothing is better than being ripped apart becuase you wanted to care :( going to places alone. knowing that it doesnt matter, becuase even know all these other people have friends, i cant seem to connect, and the few times i have, they leave :( even know they promised. 

just not worth it to try anymore :(",0.8509907834101398,3.145228661290325,2.176543778801843,95.2333870967742,84.96774193548387,4.704147465437789,18.21198156682028,6.025991092188313,-0.3088276497695852,1175,29,255,9,35,376,154,310,0.203,0.622,0.175,-0.8792,0,2,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,1,5,4,16,32,0,0,10,0,32,7,1,3,6,46,62,17,2,8,12,0,1,3,5,5,5,1,0,1,17,9,0,1,7,2,3,2,16,4,0,6,2,5,37,28,28,51,9,20,0,2,3,1,18,7,0,3,14,171,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.06593621700350105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997964157548754,0.0,0.0,0.056221644115566204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102666749766168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348197105198981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181602542553556,0.05975803882222407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511172549675994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394721924018317,0.0,0.07421982027654575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012448651874059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375661220363168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785110127144666,0.06111874967721855,0.0,0.06456372378122087,0.0607253893377604,0.0,0.06369670653508806,0.0,0.03416420156141655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610127459185308,0.0,0.07060254966690048,0.0,0.03840021610817092,0.11334497050038875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974979298130344,0.07192695150275767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528912850099498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895376197352312,0.0,0.0,0.06005717480583935,0.0,0.0,0.14853351245192276,0.11015320111199027,0.0,0.14308863475493214,0.0,0.0,0.1431749521933073,0.09903032836007794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567397547442255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098238420299675,0.0,0.04510188819522721,0.0,0.06788072164114503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053931802356567915,0.0,0.0,0.05010050872806698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944987626610809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314217921524995,0.05138819371614376,0.14379335032942386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873714257767789,0.05899740972097753,0.07059374613786121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874052574847755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985657689932026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053732456195840966,0.0,0.0,0.10768523576229733,0.061510992455123426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761638230663054,0.0,0.05724979618682222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053959561303868364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368164999095623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044888901674859344,0.043294580723814265,0.0,0.0,0.07879840529315835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587395550825645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575033453852304,0.1594124508924785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799807434658317,0.0,0.0,0.08702261993521324
suicidewatch,Space_P1nguin,2019/01/08,Please God I want to die I’m alone. I can’t stand it anymore. I feel so numb. I’m a piece of shit. I deserve to die. I’m pathetic. All my friends have left me. And I deserve it,-4.2938095238095215,-3.6614037142857114,-0.5652380952380938,107.42690476190478,121.85714285714286,2.8190476190476192,16.571428571428573,5.033348758259628,-1.048542857142857,132,5,38,1,9,47,29,42,0.396,0.431,0.172,-0.9248,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,4,7,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312214705018902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29896067046876723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6257218636775513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242384602953246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23290207162670776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32752989225693624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309051984370706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094374802290604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780496659891834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Roboreebee,2019/01/08,"A year ago today I tried my first attempt of suicide.. At the time I was 21, in a verbal and sometimes physical abusive relationship. Since then I have gotten out of that relationship, moved out, gotten a better job, and found the love of my life. It all sounds so good. But recently I get overwhelming waves of thoughts about suicide. I know I absolutely won’t kill myself any time soon. My family is supportive and kind, my boyfriend is a literal angel, and I’m getting a promotion next month. My boyfriend is currently out of the country on a trip, and I’ve just been use to his constant presence, and my sisters have become more involved with their boyfriends as well. It just seems that things in my life are drifting apart, and my thoughts are taking over. “I wish my fingers were blades so I could strangle myself” If I put hairspray in my hair o think about getting a lighter and doing some damage that way. I got drunk recently which was very common for me to get drunk almost every night last year..and this time I burnt my neck up. It looks horrible. It’s not going to heal well and when my boyfriend comes back I won’t know what to say. I use to self harm in middle and high school, and I keep wanting to do that now..just to relieve some of my thoughts on my arms. That’s better than killing my self imo. So, how is your 2019 going? ",4.009999999999998,5.477139393939396,4.308000000000003,87.68700000000004,71.72727272727272,7.24969696969697,27.97272727272728,7.7348632917899725,1.5502218181818177,1056,39,214,13,20,330,155,264,0.119,0.777,0.104,-0.8094,2,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,1,1,5,13,14,2,1,10,0,17,10,4,3,1,40,45,20,4,4,5,1,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,13,16,2,1,8,2,0,7,3,5,2,1,11,5,35,9,31,31,4,43,1,2,1,1,11,15,0,5,20,137,48,3,0.0,0.1276389729649606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549355566268024,0.0,0.10787310848455672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325810784599306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283547416322598,0.0,0.0,0.11897609508019585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055169407289715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279733975996383,0.0,0.11641470166425001,0.0,0.08601130675757594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076471029705087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155550262646217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916325983738116,0.0,0.11811718177009058,0.0,0.0,0.2251318100467916,0.0,0.12244756314619948,0.09035636279724801,0.08615918614054131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381957360150888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690250335680436,0.0957527775847019,0.23836810366068004,0.11218117529974103,0.11840797063518095,0.08781194753514958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521816435464773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046361461055792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722789475282874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598672668978832,0.11449683638122582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145689706645873,0.10109456601875874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082954688242919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21273498846217287,0.23131713424652225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566889707738712,0.0,0.10902555523275008,0.0,0.09807068678490423,0.2247656756214922,0.0,0.0,0.0891129529782908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065448357155275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356718792497842,0.12224741263731753,0.0,0.0,0.08099735661539192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715690844930728,0.0690271624010398,0.0,0.2565698025082014,0.1884495782674922,0.0,0.10211267470509884,0.0,0.0,0.07313961525685192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608321602137495,0.0,0.08888612227594969,0.06354022231268683,0.0855087410356415,0.0,0.0,0.19371916306480866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238808243684532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387454138233012
suicidewatch,ahrumpark,2019/01/08,"Fluoxetine and Quetiapine overdose I got 28 capsules of Teva Fluoxetine 10 mg and Fluoxetine HCI 10 mg, 15 tablets of Co Quetiapine 25 mg and Quetiapine Fumarate 25 mg. 

I’m wondering if it might be dangerous when I take all the medication at once with alcohol. ",7.274374999999999,8.19683602083333,10.070833333333333,51.357500000000016,63.79166666666666,14.733333333333333,45.16666666666667,13.5591,7.298116666666667,211,14,34,10,3,79,34,48,0.066,0.934,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099007012639441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067617662795121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863885323093839,0.0,0.40688831675315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084706201893117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28838355249525394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159460454606651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abrandnewworld44,2019/01/08,"New year I’ve made through 2018 and now that it’s 2019. I still want to kill myself. Also, are there any household drugs I could take in huge amounts so i can sleep but never wake up. ",0.7149999999999999,2.7240568461538466,1.2227564102564124,103.66182692307692,83.1025641025641,3.9,17.442307692307693,3.1291,-1.1817230769230769,143,3,35,0,4,43,36,39,0.078,0.846,0.076,-0.2617,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,6,6,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25678929936990863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836389664189848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563779580320301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723823891462532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355257523576164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038393819475555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476576562566947,0.3101273196608461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213390841909161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564366122709339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414326404036088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893973369727117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067824988555578
suicidewatch,DsDiary,2019/01/08,Things never come easy life seems harder and harder not sure what I’m doing anymore Shit is so stressful and hard I just started college and already I’m having trouble turns out financial aid didn’t go through I might risk paying out of pocket for my first year. I can’t find a job I’ve applied and barely any call backs even when I’ve went in to check up on applications and I’m running short of money. I can’t find a girlfriend I’ve been single all my life basically and I would like to experience love and see what a relationship is like but I can’t seem to find anyone that will take interest in me. I have no friends really since I moved to a new town. I’ve done therapy for about 2 years and it has its benefits but I don’t think it’s really helped me as I’m starting to feel depressed all over again sometimes leaving this place seems like the easiest solution. ,4.421014897579142,5.176673592178774,5.455432960893855,82.5180470204842,70.0614525139665,8.648230912476723,28.883147113594042,8.841846274778883,2.1153795158286783,699,25,143,12,12,231,118,179,0.111,0.738,0.151,0.8489,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,1,2,5,0,16,4,1,0,4,29,34,13,0,1,4,0,2,3,2,3,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,8,0,3,5,8,5,0,1,4,3,13,8,19,27,3,25,0,1,1,1,6,10,1,4,13,84,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473885350518005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082646077066364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245720755185067,0.09338936872549727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270061793463424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363813157931612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150514828617882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503640118554813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366798774842845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821617010720552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306488628304439,0.0,0.0,0.06753275264511538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662186189432206,0.11360741965939535,0.0,0.0,0.1031893526072946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590612914779199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964494987551676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952351797457678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253926852485046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414224383359397,0.0,0.0,0.1886770008672188,0.1957543382795919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054454896851433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168773972275406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195483235530093,0.0,0.0,0.1030109315068761,0.12899461525583628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954343372111222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711259483374383,0.0,0.0,0.14339516291761034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643129442368016,0.3647683641275623,0.0,0.0,0.13709905212198914,0.11048352688627933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209582701449013,0.0,0.18907116073976865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529943493271019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258802173128774,0.0,0.10042169323593486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273931741386595,0.0,0.0887323852093995,0.08558087346602397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527665602191825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381293141095412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487832099522536,0.0,0.0,0.17201856908758295
suicidewatch,sqoorelfreend,2019/01/08,Im killing myself tonight I failing this semester because I forgot to call a teacher. I legitimately have no more energy to do this anymore I'm so done. I'm sorry Mom bye ,-0.4937142857142866,1.297156771428572,3.2171428571428566,80.90285714285716,109.85714285714286,5.428571428571429,27.857142857142854,6.868970318607317,2.248428571428572,137,8,25,3,7,50,27,35,0.311,0.624,0.065,-0.843,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409520758499288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095741281083467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510529444660129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35182145854115604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713573954604418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38035802512646505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026483319650732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384850148262208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chooch123,2019/01/08,"I've had multiple people tell me not to today I'm not sure if I'm actually suicidal. I get really upset sometimes where I beg myself to do it. But I have a mother, family and friends that beg me not to. It doesn't make me feel better. I feel kind of ashamed that I need this kind of help, you know?",0.7252820512820541,2.3641483230769254,3.7026923076923097,87.81147435897438,81.15384615384616,7.410256410256411,20.06410256410256,8.344100000000001,0.9557179487179492,231,6,53,5,6,83,45,65,0.184,0.6940000000000001,0.122,-0.6532,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,1,7,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,12,12,3,1,2,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,10,5,5,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.24233070836206536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962448766735349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340999941528173,0.0,0.25112254057774824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185633172314648,0.0,0.12974027515135905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644792633711414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171873862575438,0.13647367457428175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575977530278618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841308513154108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215823260260005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908422662371022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456011222726077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716287356544586,0.0,0.23404465790256265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170481863156387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538435567905305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pahbee,2019/01/08,"My Commute - my personhood is dying I have a 2 hr commute to and from work, which adds up to 4 daily. Being this tired from my job, emotionally and physically, makes it hard to job search. I AM trying to get out. I'm still job searching, but I would have more energy to search if I wasn't doing this nightmare of a commute. I can't afford to live anywhere near work. This wasn't the life I imagined going to a pretty competitive school, although I sort of blame myself for not having the smarts to take more ""STEM"" focused classes so I could be more competitive as an individual. I did the ""right things."" Never partied, buckled down and scheduled every hour of the day... AP classes to part time jobs, internships, classes, for what? I tried so, so hard and studied all my life and now I feel like time is passing me by like I'm sixty years old. One day feels like a month, and paradoxically a month feels like a day. I'm suffering just so I can die. I'm only twenty-four. It felt just like yesterday when I was twenty-two. The job market is terrible and I won't quit just so that I can be crippling anxious and desperate in job interviews... quitting is not an option. From personal experience, that option + no health insurance will be even worse for my mental state. I have decent coworkers and bosses. But it feels like I'm a different person than I was two years ago, my soul is rotting and I really feel like if I was forced to do this for the rest of my life, I'd jump in front of the train for real. ",2.7446741630462554,4.596390833887046,4.410049833887045,84.0644895221058,75.87707641196012,7.28857653973933,24.533733708152308,8.139509932561175,1.4630203424482495,1175,39,236,20,26,395,161,301,0.14,0.74,0.12,-0.7405,8,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,4,12,10,0,0,16,0,29,5,0,2,2,38,44,22,2,4,9,0,8,7,0,3,5,0,0,2,12,12,0,0,7,0,0,4,8,2,0,2,7,8,28,8,32,29,6,30,1,1,0,0,3,7,0,5,25,156,40,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807727452422478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950490714302812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032441470312804,0.0,0.0,0.17041221745506951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828254927777472,0.09202446296153964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990777246855438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817576264365064,0.0,0.07421088421932229,0.0,0.0,0.08615877593019597,0.0,0.0,0.2226785284251247,0.31462051406539354,0.08457025422683942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601796952469246,0.0,0.05005768156941949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780408959062273,0.0,0.0,0.09362452424347154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674068987121601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5244326307043999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663973518848032,0.3012187952414773,0.0,0.07777592394539314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058793834677816924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876354702247784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060863518189906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793243793924222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242475148596938,0.0,0.05968503447520841,0.06698852501830088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538165226673216,0.0,0.0,0.15381546504395113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896086454081071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873670495626235,0.0,0.10025389810872114,0.05642606418160105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075219519822707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914128442481056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034050354731898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662249175277907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851619010974679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271987712859937,0.10123457369337642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960056947040958,0.0,0.1720819933561928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824603431686493,0.0,0.08976066431690326,0.06256923957975681,0.0,0.0,0.11344078340034668
suicidewatch,TuMadreEsUnaPollo,2019/01/08,"What's the point? I always think about this, what's the point of living if we just die? like if all the humans are eventually going to die off then why even do anything at all? just to prove to ourselves how good we are? i'm a freshman in high school, i have a girlfriend, i have good grades, but why? it's pointless. we go to school to get a job just to go to work to make money just to buy things just to live and with the extra money for entertainment, and then have kids so they can do the same thing over and over again? I really feel like just leaving everything behind because there is no point to doing anything. ",3.612563429571303,4.557008716535439,4.221994750656169,89.92639545056869,72.07086614173228,6.904286964129485,22.772528433945762,6.937597516519254,0.4879210848643925,485,11,106,4,9,154,77,127,0.06,0.836,0.105,0.7059,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,3,0,1,1,12,5,0,0,8,0,10,0,0,2,3,24,18,10,2,2,9,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,3,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,5,21,18,4,15,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,5,77,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278768342834093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529365568275833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368392596931098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189980472052174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150638401701924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381206592460764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770690470228807,0.109791395141562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080293192112828,0.0,0.2620253186629292,0.25780455619089754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623748663058619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250698224451034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272844668846687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016381547176033,0.0,0.27141037588584843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025848100556182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358412392026445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845347063983337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110714509759061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042007390904788,0.09847406655715382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773505863592569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118832879576208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thereis-nopoint,2019/01/08,my birthday is Thursday I’m going to kill myself tomorrow Things just keep getting worse and worse I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do except end everything,1.937058823529412,4.583617117647059,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,83.70588235294119,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.56884705882353,138,6,25,2,4,45,27,34,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31231514760999274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27892486903581826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830290006411839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453224337350428,0.0,0.1789757942769238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27991458518422235,0.34841134920763395,0.0,0.17307131353726696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092182712942384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418589789726211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,albireou,2019/01/08,Does anyone else try to lift others in hopes that they won’t ever notice that you’re going to lose the battle against mental illness...?,11.315769230769227,7.711368269230771,9.980769230769235,69.81423076923079,58.61538461538462,10.4,33.69230769230769,3.1291,2.206046153846154,109,2,18,0,1,34,24,26,0.182,0.722,0.096,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310998492779084,0.3386459264758612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28923099328081103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760981841879169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29896466406358146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878361021679641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282703978861413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36975546488431693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330757271325698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762871295921616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439417969483744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xsapphireblue,2019/01/08,"I hate my life I'm so tired of everything. I regret going to college and getting into debt, it literally didn't make much of a difference. Stuck working crappy dead end jobs still and living with my abusive family. My entire life has been crap and I wish I had a gun so I could blow my brains out.   ",0.9950117096018758,3.359428360655741,3.283981264637003,87.03918032786886,85.0655737704918,6.108665105386418,20.18969555035129,7.447530270364453,0.8197334894613579,234,7,47,4,7,80,47,61,0.422,0.5429999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.982,2,0,0,1,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,2,0,5,5,2,1,0,10,12,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,9,0,6,7,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,30,10,3,0.0,0.2874674845368104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27084647518279065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371398422417532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253488428472864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489114404188756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805307628200715,0.0,0.2287224991140819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676002011771234,0.0,0.13788771621878854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239539068456788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24076497183273904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427422929436517,0.0,0.0,0.214239736907592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195211878174093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835514127914384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937583021772354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788583835950156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27900341201681217,0.0,0.0,0.17663175991826066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Multicarver1,2019/01/08,"Help I’m 14 and in high school. In 5th grade I was diagnosed with depression and ADHD and I have been living with it my whole life. In the past couple years it has been better but the past 4 months it has been coming back stronger than ever. Events keep piling up on me and making my life miserable. It’s like someone is trying to force quit me, and it’s working. I’m not going to get into full detail but I know that I need help and I want help but I just can’t bring myself to asking for it or going to a therapist. I don’t want to leave my parents and brother and friends but it’s feeling worse every day ",0.22164102564102706,2.405038907692312,2.222307692307691,94.56602564102566,86.84615384615385,4.6974358974358985,17.128205128205128,6.079149491110277,-0.3742410256410258,478,11,105,4,15,159,82,130,0.087,0.722,0.19,0.9052,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,1,1,27,25,13,0,3,7,2,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,4,1,13,3,15,21,2,20,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,1,9,68,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194976448803114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166899625445882,0.0,0.0,0.12474966429740665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348478177390014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975216656497544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951132814245574,0.0,0.10462896170347133,0.0,0.13973384696684812,0.16466638173109538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467519790235805,0.13669104033009982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203152416200646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534332660997116,0.0,0.08476174612903009,0.0,0.1844052026119168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262306217424925,0.17141150866455346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420303595652906,0.0,0.0,0.08916080179470749,0.0,0.0,0.17178476684296104,0.0,0.0,0.22918452675530995,0.07926043833765058,0.0,0.14325758368962332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829395865107086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949542930661484,0.0,0.0,0.1202961258985394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014415957112864,0.0,0.3097457217732177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255822510216054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641917493986161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746225067566106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836879407096546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014776630788377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138229081108388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811309826645229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810992439581824,0.0,0.16533260202017336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447482779633503
suicidewatch,Richard-Alpert,2019/01/08,"i’m transgender and want to die everyday, anyone help? I don’t pass as female yet. I’m on hormones therapy which should make me look female in about a year at best. Thats all coming along fine, i know i should have better mental health within the year

But none of this changes the fact that right now i feel suicidal everyday. I have dysphoria so bad all the time. It hurts me to look in the mirror

Whenever i see myself😞or im reminded of my appearance as a ‘male’ i want to just kill myself. I’m worried i wont make it to the point when my body looks how it needs to 

what can. i do? 🤒   ",-0.1469047619047643,2.003027007936506,2.295523809523811,93.56614285714286,88.44444444444444,6.217142857142857,17.923809523809524,7.554174236665415,0.4218609523809533,457,12,105,9,15,156,84,126,0.17800000000000002,0.713,0.109,-0.9194,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,1,0,7,0,8,2,1,3,3,19,24,7,3,5,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,5,14,3,16,21,4,18,0,1,4,0,2,7,0,1,8,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124007239819865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807983758009474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611787771171548,0.156851658032774,0.0,0.1969958633106679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876127785209196,0.15277131670960314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406129444580732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967348604287134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851475100439316,0.0,0.0,0.11887396300560253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898568372633884,0.0,0.1915684275841627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962114924415343,0.0,0.09746691893129583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467879861894787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367649970868604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787270813969019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315027738052248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765306948497924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145592636788646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132498411816086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399210902783626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028151750349344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341420806445403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092112435946808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010752829393767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22841516375396534
suicidewatch,doc_of_journalism123,2019/01/08,"Don't know what to do I have a wife and 3 kids under 10. We're now 9 fays late on rent and even if/when we can pay its just goimg to get qorse next month. I just got a job that should pay well down the road but it takes time. I have humdreds of thousands in life insurance and am a miserable broken person. I'm supposed to take care of my wife and kids and I'm failing them. I cant bear the thought of going to live in some shitty one room apt, our credit sucks. We're eaitimg on our car title to take a loan out against that but that's just delaying. Feels like the best thimg I can do is off myself so they can have some breathing room. I cant imagine I'm fun to be around anyway. All I think aboit is this finacial burden hanging over my head. I know it can get better amd i know living in one room is better than being homeless or dead, but it doeant feel that way. Money doesn't buy happiness but it can sure help. I cant take the an anxiety of every noise I hear thinkimg its someone at my door with an eviction notice, every phone call that could be a bill past due, and every truck I hear  outside thinking its the electrical company shutting my power off. It makes it so much mote frustrating that I finally left my shit job for one qith such potential but it feels like i waited too long. I've been through so much and I can't keep my chin up anymore. Please just someone give me an idea I haven't thought of. I don't want to die, but I can't take the shame and feelings of worthlessness that I'm letting my family down. It's really starting to feel like they'd be better off with my life insurance than me.",2.914122807017545,3.8881100964912285,3.9604046783625764,91.0340105263158,73.76608187134504,7.226385964912281,24.498713450292396,7.554174236665415,0.920044538011696,1271,37,287,15,25,412,186,342,0.152,0.706,0.142,-0.595,6,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,3,0,3,6,14,21,3,2,14,0,32,5,3,1,2,49,67,18,2,3,11,2,5,3,0,1,2,2,5,3,20,13,0,3,14,0,8,3,9,8,1,4,4,7,35,13,37,55,6,37,0,3,0,0,17,22,2,3,14,175,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750192281849607,0.0,0.09725383305487437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729837520361677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291285404759508,0.2601907778346768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001350244588248,0.0,0.09998349878549634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829668450063484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177567767269058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477081042938458,0.0,0.2478712213715005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244667298055123,0.0,0.24792229780750846,0.2101723269040726,0.0,0.10742508706027944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246951805983276,0.09407259737147304,0.05573242972898497,0.0,0.07843130012070468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043916981861614,0.0,0.0,0.10064267534214544,0.0,0.22105209129143036,0.0,0.06573070225851133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070311144669646,0.0,0.0,0.19462816909053696,0.08716441243869966,0.0,0.0,0.16168138588999995,0.0,0.11062125461948168,0.0,0.10654758504552138,0.10027780130686127,0.13853199748644787,0.1437283790491991,0.0,0.17318585599623768,0.08678417485618838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545894969456116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827430909575935,0.0,0.14417767805176873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429292249879184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164731255530347,0.0,0.0,0.19935353888585056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361385377455728,0.0,0.08562631476354814,0.0,0.1076455939014594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282275883119261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066200679818846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617980659238324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941070041386306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242482055697568,0.0,0.3686622558924299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567180200438602,0.0,0.1557048380161981,0.05718231602377051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784110167676808,0.07783919546512882,0.0,0.0,0.08817194368969625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moonpiii,2019/01/08,"Goodbye-- so soon?  My O.C.D has been outta control-- it seems even a single touch or tap will contaminate everything with the words in my head--- ""hey wanna enjoy that cereal? BLAM0 INFECTED WITH THE WORDS THAT A REPETITIVe? HAH""

im tired of being king midas in this world--its like the golden touch-- its horrible-- i recently lost a friend in a fight-- im really lonely so-- i sit alone at lunch sometimes-- but sometimes with another friend if they aren't sick and missing school playin' fortnight or overwatch (overwatch rules) but, i just got yelled at in a discord server-- i can never relax and in mi home one of the most safest place-- im constantly made fun of and pushed around by my dad and sometimes mum, my aid is hard on mii and makes life really hard-- i feel like life wouldnt be a pain for others to help with this, if i just went away. no more pain, my brother will not have to remember mii suffering--im so lonely i need someone-- i just wanna go away-- and thats what i might do tonight--",2.151481810115349,4.84660806122449,2.784498669032832,90.27727151730257,83.18367346938777,6.0617568766637095,22.807453416149073,7.423996415210882,1.0834572315882882,804,28,156,13,23,250,133,196,0.12,0.6990000000000001,0.182,0.9539,0,5,0,0,1,0,47.0,0,0,1,3,10,14,1,0,10,1,13,9,1,3,1,36,23,15,0,6,10,3,5,2,2,4,7,1,1,0,9,11,1,1,3,1,0,3,5,7,0,1,5,6,15,7,24,12,3,22,0,4,0,0,9,12,0,7,8,98,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382878692261247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536977747664393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643433639466797,0.0,0.0,0.22466235293145068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292025995619067,0.13409744747427568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896868881828596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107453412561235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045346246831448,0.08541415992521023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847445398162948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794907877759933,0.0,0.09562358247158301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142057358399732,0.0,0.12270373117530226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013899066646445,0.0,0.1199290911071336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165841212657456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889846102527487,0.11682259919501935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305145847239541,0.0,0.0,0.11313118805226945,0.07980766945069012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683496703535246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865271499440475,0.09221255224708318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810173979746841,0.0,0.25444194537097764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491544328852633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153187241597212,0.0,0.11805172857959426,0.0,0.1354389216656129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100177171245854,0.0,0.10884353515740107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013033598597938,0.0,0.35474565190342666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741739144208015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083393033714124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PsychologicalCoat1,2019/01/08,"love is for other people i wish i had a gun so i could guarantee my death 

​

im so fucking done with everything but i have to live ",0.8399999999999999,2.7999216666666698,3.256666666666668,89.525,82.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,23.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.2003333333333337,110,4,24,2,3,38,25,30,0.142,0.65,0.208,0.2357,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,8,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31228344191266233,0.3502156985403817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230118148384558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949464760491097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25903122257556715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664523500715546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113242597538151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545012522715811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601274641124892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981366123784566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33143579604445605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502156985403817,0.0
suicidewatch,judoka_suits,2019/01/08,"I can't stop preparing to end it all I'm not meant to live. I don't deserve to. I have this itch to hang myself, jump off a bridge, or trick a police officer to kill me. As I close my eyes and imagine a gun pressed against my forhead, I feel so happy and releived. It calms me down so much. 

I want help. I just don't know how to get it. The people I tell get frightened, anxious, and frustated with me and I dont want any of that. I think a psych ward would keep me safe, but I refuse to take pills. 

I've tried all medications for my condition for 5 years. Nothing has worked. I dont know what to do and dont have much time left before I go. It's a dream of mine now. ",0.08611969111969131,1.6620479594594606,2.086911196911199,98.92932432432436,82.91891891891892,5.57992277992278,20.03088803088803,6.5431188927421005,-0.1433355212355214,510,14,132,5,14,170,93,148,0.09,0.7979999999999999,0.113,0.2674,0,0,0,1,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,6,0,11,4,2,1,2,27,24,11,1,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,6,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,3,22,3,17,22,4,12,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,5,80,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154373583962508,0.0,0.0,0.19177173664264024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444466710950061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5968451562220193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503501179273569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583184354462409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737710000238294,0.0,0.09647412175435073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070443815079995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378136218935828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088360904323173,0.18780572568403867,0.0,0.1865828062597682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443632804632212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498943562909399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100754391120904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495748872651787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288187248025235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768484383496013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419204910308854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763257419119034,0.0,0.1483709580719261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877039442400607,0.0,0.0,0.09898390838330796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525064225134653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024856309712274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235816676012044,0.0,0.0,0.12058713564118027,0.0,0.0,0.10931489040794676
suicidewatch,crusty_sock_jock,2019/01/08,"I wanted to buy pentobarbital from a vet shop Earlier today i went out to pay off some of my debt and check out an arts and craft store. After that i decided to walk home when i saw a vet shop and my fucking curiosity got the best of me. I live in Mexico and i heard about an old news report that Americans and other foreigners where coming to Mexico to buy a drug called pentobarbital which is used as an anesthesia for animals or some shit, and they would commit suicide with said drug which proves to be the most peaceful death out there.. so i thought ""well since Mexico is fucked and corrupt.. maybe i can get my hands on this fucking dream drug"" so i walk into the vet shop and i ask if they have pento.. and the lady was like ""huh?"" And i was like ""pentobarbital"" and she gave me a skeptical look and went to the back room and came back with a veterinarian who asked me ""why do you need it?"" And i fucking panicked  and was like ""my dogs is having stomach problems and he hasnt been able to sleep""(i know its a terrible excuse) and the veterinarian said that it was a controlled drug and blah blah and i fucking left super bummed lol and embarrassed but its good to know for myself.. i will have to get it by some other means.. i really just want to die at this point.. im just numb now.. everything i do is wrong and i really dont deserve to be alive honestly.. if anybody can hook me up i would be stoked.
 Thanks for reading ",3.4239816281279687,4.815479648083624,4.792500791891038,83.9381145074438,73.07665505226481,8.284383908774151,24.5437123851758,8.841846274778883,1.6032731707317067,1117,33,235,22,22,372,159,287,0.128,0.768,0.104,-0.8024,1,0,4,0,0,3,34.0,0,1,2,3,12,21,7,1,16,2,24,13,3,2,2,55,53,29,3,8,6,0,1,5,0,3,5,3,2,0,15,29,0,1,6,6,9,6,2,12,1,0,15,6,31,9,33,32,5,26,0,0,2,5,14,13,6,7,10,160,46,3,0.10115634292706947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913505106853012,0.0,0.0,0.1555659674050118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061573410515503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032919360856964,0.11569590795132728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713723243694013,0.0,0.0,0.11345544009113505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498431343139827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855448053739474,0.0,0.4692369711280832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091279842420476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675870451224088,0.10570002821061457,0.0,0.0,0.0848451411170427,0.0809039682465663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146805973991313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926620887683308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118576121161176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099066625697258,0.0,0.0,0.1482596386497638,0.0,0.08932290407471655,0.0,0.08494585118276056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162514280684187,0.1101889124456752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750061465330549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614656557351976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956254406856258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679295871868697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118371727008016,0.0,0.1296066870705556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244569338617856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383553235892873,0.08367757219007663,0.0,0.10122939682816008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064862082338928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313116978395793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030683701094092,0.0,0.0,0.09588438519414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873666017205352,0.0,0.0,0.11932926385771643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909517006798424,0.18754588667085265,0.09127786562903477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371712739625045,0.1105985812020024,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,illkillyouwitharake,2019/01/08,"please help i feel alone  
i feel lost  
what am i  
who am i  
why is my life, my love, my emotion trapped within me?  
why is it so hard to just speak?  
why must these feelings remain trapped inside my heart to fester?  
why do i always hurt people?  
why am i so bad at sharing my thoughts and ideas?  
why does my mind lie to me so?",-1.392608695652175,0.6184857536231902,0.4401304347826098,104.19671739130436,97.2608695652174,2.76,15.595652173913045,3.1291,-1.4369721739130434,243,6,60,0,10,78,44,69,0.253,0.604,0.142,-0.8609,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,1,9,13,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,14,2,5,10,0,2,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,35,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103484904927986,0.0,0.0,0.12134139788551375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176111144418247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761592775966232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640379804169714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120654991430355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063412709638814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280804971893332,0.0977460949030812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611294486978092,0.16462317403788285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300332499239616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918956401334314,0.0,0.13161635277639147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724570398163075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109945682494366,0.0,0.0,0.16007643423630286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577192507196625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7895278619099833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canuspell_Throwaway,2019/01/08,"End of the road. Suicide was my option 6 months ago, last year alone yielded upwards of 6 suicide attempts. I am at the end of the road, I no longer want to be dead. However, life has filed in. I'm turning 18 in 10 days, my orphan's benefit (My country's social service) is being cut off and I have to find work before I love my flat and run out of food. I live rural so work and accommodation are scarce.  I have no money, little food, little gas and no motivation. I really don't want to die but life hasn't really given me any other choice but to revert back to a suicidal behavioural pattern. I need help before I go back.",2.72813953488372,4.012024953488375,4.899914728682173,82.90894186046512,74.65891472868215,7.330542635658915,24.527906976744184,7.908726449838941,1.330484651162791,485,15,99,7,10,169,85,129,0.168,0.725,0.107,-0.8413,1,1,0,0,0,4,17.0,0,0,0,4,3,3,1,0,4,0,11,5,0,1,0,14,19,7,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,2,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,14,2,14,15,0,20,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,9,56,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283653067657726,0.0,0.0,0.1499794631712856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847574971392588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269986656714852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464452483559877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339045496295877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028989298120018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565173144667958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235369499751376,0.0,0.3502095965977489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229884674891184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706307473363586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803945831555845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456713777595167,0.0,0.2902752786450981,0.1278698622240479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069665748151296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155859416137854,0.0,0.0,0.10737476263776427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553795793702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761553461380975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751958317924608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751167111766778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708253519838515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108467750301716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325287703541063
suicidewatch,iNEEDtints123,2019/01/08,"Holy fuck I can't take this anymore I don't believe in God anymore. I'm most likely gonna do some wild shit soon, God ain't answering shit I thought I I had my life together, the past 3 years were the best of my entire life but it's fucking over, I can't live like this, just imagining death gives me ease of mind. All my life I believed in God but deep down knew he was never there, it's deadass a disease hes never with you in tough times cuz guess what he was never there. What's crazy is people have it way worst then me and are probably better people then me yet ""God"" doesn't answer shit for them. Fuck.",-0.6050042408821028,1.5884917099236662,1.1200890585241725,99.99462044105174,93.73282442748092,4.1324851569126375,16.438083121289228,5.82211442006289,-0.674949448685326,478,12,112,4,18,154,86,131,0.256,0.659,0.085,-0.9741,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,2,5,12,6,0,3,0,14,9,3,1,4,19,24,6,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,6,0,16,4,9,17,5,17,0,0,0,3,6,6,6,3,12,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822645504956754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32066699116686154,0.14934450178216166,0.12586073412514584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946870952223015,0.0,0.13651574738466635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676939291471462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015511376635176,0.13904996520086907,0.0,0.12566144248372305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369150884208226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292723908574079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585003040925864,0.19731826602022154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343315701179144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382343894587383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699864743169922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297743937723732,0.08298151456736992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295824970987299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164232165586196
suicidewatch,Daniel9876789101,2019/01/08,"Can anyone comfort me? I'm depressed. I don't know why I can't be happy. I feel like I'm useless and me existing does more harm than good. My parents have tried to help and I've tried to help myself and I get better, and happier, until I fall back into depression. I feel like there always is someone better than me at anything I do and I never feel like I am the best at anything in any group. I used to be bullied in school because of my strengths. I was shamed. Now I fail to recognize any even if they are there. I've been called a nerd, an idiot, and I've never been any good at any sport in existence. People expect you to practice at least one sport and be good at it. I do neither because I noticed that whatever sport I play, I fall. I never triumph. Never will. I used to love talking to my peers about my many passions that I did well. They bullied me and now I can't trust myself to do anything right. Even things I have years of experience with. At least one of you. Speak to me. Make me feel better because I may not be alive much longer.",0.5210958904109582,2.7569871735159843,2.3743452054794543,93.6422301369863,85.94063926940639,4.782538812785389,21.088767123287674,6.152001189255117,0.17926104109589014,817,27,176,7,25,270,111,219,0.175,0.606,0.218,0.8385,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,2,7,9,27,1,1,3,0,22,2,0,3,4,26,34,10,0,2,2,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,4,0,2,9,8,1,2,4,5,38,19,27,24,6,22,0,4,0,2,12,11,0,2,12,124,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916008970788634,0.0,0.0,0.2994507404690614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697513307108035,0.0,0.2717757556239196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464982513413555,0.0,0.20132336811622367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552912898131752,0.2920880409973836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124107601845417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896349104854408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633755394317957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454223650013659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768585053314582,0.0,0.0,0.22265243645853453,0.2359377367182408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751572181213114,0.0,0.0,0.2770063328956871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718926732660798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757749844823373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060500734196350124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134830381607368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935748388147528,0.0,0.07348368201650562,0.11161056655359652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092634160241181,0.0,0.3396223903739856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533436072673512,0.0,0.0,0.1491951024645512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222381774934272,0.0,0.0,0.07632020976129082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401338263400512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141354931365208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327604645491068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848346517917166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313666697206297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494831943539237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015900923761325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898110347177204,0.0,0.09933606293205216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089218198451322
suicidewatch,Jan242004,2019/01/08,"I want normal facial skin.😢 It doesn’t seem to matter what I put on my face. My skin is absolute shit. My face looks like I put oil on it and all the skin care products do nothing. It’s lowering my self esteem and just today someone touched my face and got oil on themselves and then proceeded to scream about it super loud. I hate myself so much, that in it self triggered my situational depression. Please someone help me.",2.66,4.900763809523814,3.8169047619047625,86.39892857142858,77.57142857142857,6.5809523809523816,24.785714285714285,7.6454224807358475,1.3159571428571435,336,12,66,5,8,109,58,84,0.141,0.667,0.192,0.2593,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,1,0,3,7,7,1,1,11,9,6,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,8,12,3,7,8,2,9,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,1,4,39,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779644421868956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554004295032866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300435050283987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201218791472066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366086041319587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957058402145053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114788804620154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498227667504395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968914898242013,0.1955598422252679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237206331068811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409767857586528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553968902009774,0.4252336240763745,0.0,0.20920659243438455,0.0,0.229089398355554,0.0,0.0,0.34537271980179945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318671593835265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021158895339235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedgrapefruit,2019/01/08,"how high is high enough how many stories does building have to be so if you jump you die quickly? my room is about three stories high, i keep contemplating it but if it doesn't end quick i don't want to attempt it. i feel like i might break a leg or some shit but wouldn't die, and it seems kinda stupid.",2.315846153846156,3.4525519692307682,2.913846153846155,97.32615384615387,75.46153846153847,5.815384615384616,22.23076923076923,5.6839178017228535,-0.12432307692307633,238,6,58,1,5,74,46,65,0.251,0.7040000000000001,0.045,-0.9427,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,6,3,2,0,1,0,8,2,2,2,0,16,12,9,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,3,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,7,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313915395515006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818743120709318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407658195499865,0.2147449837693141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050856002003561,0.14847451072061274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6587545990376444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847297455338995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153573056141052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210708017599812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047585188835608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920154037395293,0.0,0.0,0.21333553890285853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258411082234072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redditjanuary,2019/01/08,My life is over My life is over. I have no one. I am all alone. I have been hurt so many times. Please please I don’t know what to do. I’m inconsolable and I want to take all the pills. I’m done. There is no hope left for me. I can’t keep doing this. Everyone is turning against me and I need to die. I am disgusting and I can’t keel fighting this. I’ve tried so hard but I can’t fight it any more. I need to die. It’s too painful to live anymore. I can’t do it. ,-3.3676169590643283,-2.0053440092592574,-0.4805653021442478,108.63219298245615,109.46296296296295,3.3847953216374265,13.091617933723194,5.399115186594226,-1.4844148148148153,349,8,101,3,19,118,60,108,0.258,0.68,0.062,-0.9628,0,1,0,0,3,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,0,18,4,0,0,2,12,28,6,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,1,16,1,9,26,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131805504867894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256184580632361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319628477035002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38342809622940793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903649126217506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651142221411495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547616180228894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347232561498072,0.0,0.0,0.19775055338826486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419092205805794,0.0,0.0,0.10151932073414817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070285271511076,0.0,0.2609516403020656,0.0,0.0,0.16311442128652134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728084962575725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739405824610745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517356739760535,0.0,0.19655905270880228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055423268205433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888924167429356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077138815105424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541527432320393,0.20092635303863965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895483089318593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slinkysoft,2019/01/08,"I’m inconsolably suicidal I’ve been telling myself I have two weeks left to live.

I’m completely screwed up. I don’t like where I’m living but I’m bound contractually to have to stay there. I just want to be at home with my family and more importantly my cat.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have never met a being more sensitive and empathetic and it hurts me so much that when I kill myself he will simply forget I ever existed.

My life can only get worse from now on, my golden child hood years (that weren’t even so golden) are gone now and I only have difficulty to look forward to now. Trying to finish my degree that I don’t particularly care at all for, trying to find a job, trying to stay afloat on my own, trying to find somewhere to live, try to desperately find someone to love and cherish who can symbolically replace the standard of care I get from my parents before they die. 

I can’t cope with it.

Every thing is a mess and I know suicide IS selfish but I’ve calculated that I’ll be saving myself and others so much pain by doing this.

I am just not meant to survive. I feel terrible but I have to do it. ",3.5899666067300267,4.828906825327515,5.379686617004882,80.48549704597998,72.44978165938866,8.008322630362189,25.26098124839456,8.4952907291091,1.6179373747752368,889,27,179,15,17,305,130,229,0.225,0.665,0.11,-0.987,3,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,13,14,3,0,4,0,22,4,0,0,3,31,39,15,4,1,7,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,12,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,5,3,27,6,27,30,6,20,0,1,1,2,8,8,1,0,11,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287790808849888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465334025168541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267624744936416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547622565168098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985401827749734,0.10936194198010668,0.10186436817576944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397477142780445,0.0,0.06113121503120285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315041704385114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263316409628253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127363359558635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942709886781434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997565931968572,0.0,0.13375912396560824,0.0,0.13288813544662054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313593692474215,0.0,0.08539600312212843,0.05906615717534655,0.0,0.32027358663062644,0.0,0.10152645136025076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091179384106833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775239899005324,0.0,0.09324636058599672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390142760862685,0.12864726551918607,0.0,0.1342463335632922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243908656544222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257728914211167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644923010056202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567286647600596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032130052468198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104194610644928,0.0,0.11810278042133544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131058512109939,0.0,0.09697954788490204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320852195557068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778563269256392
suicidewatch,AngelofServatis,2019/01/08,I want to hang myself I just dont want to live life is so fucking stupid. Im not good enough for anything or anyone no matter what Ive done no matter my potential it’ll never be good enough I wish my parents didnt give a fuck about me their the only reason Im alive I fucking hate life I hate my job I hate where Im at I just cant live with myself if they found out I hung myself. I ride a motorcycle I could make it look like a tragic accident but that’d be a painful way to go. I just want to end my life I fucking hate life ,-1.3593112947658383,0.5520010578512426,1.5014545454545465,98.66551515151517,92.14049586776859,4.2184022038567495,15.504683195592284,5.6839178017228535,-0.8653442424242423,412,9,103,3,15,143,72,121,0.254,0.635,0.112,-0.9628,2,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,2,0,6,14,9,0,5,0,11,9,0,2,1,20,28,4,0,6,7,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,11,0,0,3,1,23,3,9,20,2,9,0,1,1,4,4,3,4,2,3,63,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944433975225355,0.0,0.09349792417712573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071471914350077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162706502072468,0.13315943708230288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063181476679672,0.23479550955651105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457626065949536,0.0,0.420152000553622,0.0,0.10899272816058528,0.06457172155238286,0.1905947574330661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486969674591304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681807756283089,0.0,0.112748322672071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32100698323361004,0.05550801042451549,0.0,0.20065353196658134,0.0,0.09541049545070222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584089000502331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762919754691605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641160055900528,0.12089755110232453,0.0,0.1261593311507062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681821587901853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201044501195302,0.09018467129240916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065508028524098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,astro_phoenix_reborn,2019/01/08,"Need To Talk To Someone I'm having a very terrible few days. I have health problems, am in pain, and have been sleeping shitty. I met a new friend online, we've known each other for 6 months, things have been fine, we were growing close until yesterday morning I had a panic attack and they didn't know how to handle it. They started criticizing me and I said ""Fuck You."" For the last two days we are fighting, my friend says I am acting childish and that I shouldn't have said ""Fuck You"" to them. I apologized, but explained I was in a weak moment and also brought up that I felt like I didn't want to live, but they ignored me. They continued to send me long e-mails of all of my faults, and that because I don't push myself enough I'm being childish. I am disabled and in pain 24/7, they know this and they themselves have a chronic condition, but they continued criticizing me. They then said people who don't go to college are trash and worth nothing to the world. I said I disagreed and now they are mad at me that I won't do what they want! Anything I try to say or explain they tell me it is an excuse.



Despite all of this, I really care for them, but I'm torn between my emotions for them and anger for what they have said. I have tried to work things out, but they refuse. I tried calling them, but they refused to pick up. And then I get a text saying they aren't well and doing to lay down. 



I need to fucking talk, even if it's a stranger! I have no motivation and I no longer have a desire to live. I just want to die. But I just want someone to talk to me! Please! I'm hanging by a fucking thread here! I don't deserve to be treated like shit. I am doing all I can, but it's never enough for anyone! I'm sick of being hit when I'm down!",1.7517827868852471,3.4127611557377087,3.1208982240437173,93.05872438524591,78.15300546448087,5.6678961748633885,22.91290983606557,6.322622252153567,0.34726803278688445,1357,42,303,10,32,442,175,366,0.236,0.6779999999999999,0.085,-0.995,0,0,0,0,2,1,47.0,2,2,19,2,10,25,9,1,12,0,38,12,2,3,4,56,71,30,1,10,12,0,1,2,2,2,6,8,0,0,16,19,0,3,7,0,1,7,11,17,1,1,15,9,62,8,40,50,7,35,0,0,0,4,48,11,5,2,19,214,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670995508057217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707191249224115,0.0,0.07893683311071242,0.0,0.0,0.10912678196729833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058474049952666925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794857598130643,0.0,0.09780035887138568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372539032411525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955340552866812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790097983182599,0.0,0.1982291491081183,0.0,0.0633565396423515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210156293621503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822045212771354,0.35471876665414936,0.05011604795472168,0.0,0.05451551200426374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196215076821513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543404831757272,0.07819042138477716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372671305272956,0.0,0.1694043424527283,0.08488924220887052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656518938588602,0.0,0.0,0.14225205802440738,0.07398208466406625,0.09264347392518148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204114546991153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041386458330116,0.1125455106483479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650124821183298,0.0,0.0,0.10529515212377566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178579500772506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145102375505604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562258762695798,0.2288465527780961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984640516601404,0.0,0.0,0.09599273324239586,0.0,0.1625512701528918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789511761889627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312989272013625,0.08384133069850339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745456698579874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537719515551985,0.0,0.0937032806994616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914689915325424,0.2263125643818664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624670910687111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983342020749272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Benjamn1,2019/01/08,"I'm ready to have it all be over with The only girl that's taken a romantic interest in me broke my heart two months ago, and my only other friend is going after her now. My ex said we would stay friends, but she's blocked me on everything as of tonight without reason. I'm fucking over and done with living. Fuck life.",4.803636363636365,4.8563676969696985,5.505606060606059,84.9784090909091,69.0,8.41818181818182,28.62121212121212,8.07648339933343,1.7095575757575765,252,8,53,3,4,82,56,66,0.129,0.736,0.135,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,0,5,4,1,1,1,11,12,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,8,3,11,7,1,11,0,1,0,2,8,4,2,0,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987619891937851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294600885092239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151902831666849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464714545885048,0.414584914862516,0.0,0.0,0.1274322704499614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26570777900315745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837679296875606,0.0,0.0,0.19799483843374302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897430588401408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34106652843431395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305407091756208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132893817323358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23899408283610385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219035305166143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161449590358112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928305127193415,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrankWest21CP,2019/01/08,I’m a worthless idiotic shithead and I need to die right now I know where the gun is. It’s loaded. It would be so easy. Why won’t I fucking do it. I’m a pathetic waste of space and nobody should love or even like me. ,-1.2942176870748303,0.6157559387755107,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,91.6530612244898,4.899319727891157,18.37074829931973,6.42735559955562,-0.1991251700680272,167,5,42,2,6,59,40,49,0.3670000000000001,0.47,0.16399999999999998,-0.9179,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,12,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,8,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127894242337785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627023091930256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677025277902647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185864957031244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943147786401919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589742258837176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949178122844612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33966622276798564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588968329341735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28254178329792345,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RandomWeaboo,2019/01/08,I feel like I'm getting closer to the edge. I just keep losing. Losing people. Losing money. Losing motivation to live. Failing school. Fuck.,1.268114285714283,2.0212960400000037,3.2668571428571447,78.00200000000002,128.6,3.0285714285714285,15.571428571428573,5.288315135182226,0.09054285714285704,111,3,15,1,7,37,19,25,0.476,0.388,0.136,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,6,1,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,5,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,6,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065920603297203,0.14222049773495252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840432834151844,0.10400940558493478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694859695964574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097258863277204,0.0,0.17578845181421546,0.0,0.0,0.8908640194301057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801477928622846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147633852308947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ohmie122,2019/01/08,"Please don't respond, just needed to get this off my chest. I'm going to kill myself tomorrow, i didn't have anyone that I'd be willing to tell, so I found this nice place on reddit. I'm sick of everything, my friends ditched me (i guess I'm a POS) and my family actually has no emotional contact with me ever, it's like they don't care whatsoever. Even though i know they can see me struggling, they don't help and that's the part that hurts the most. I'll never make anything of myself, and there's nowhere to go from here. Thanks guys for letting me post. ",6.102183908045981,4.971702551724139,6.598275862068967,82.19097701149427,66.58620689655173,9.802298850574713,31.402298850574713,8.841846274778883,2.2175333333333334,440,14,96,6,6,144,81,116,0.16899999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.129,-0.7190000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,0,7,8,1,1,3,0,10,2,1,1,2,13,24,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,1,16,5,11,19,2,9,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,2,4,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.18568633523911504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330485609704768,0.0,0.15658465164776522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194003667507458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140399693476698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256784861838993,0.17211962041069112,0.0,0.0,0.17101185834635368,0.0,0.17937953587288566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086327643167141,0.14701025458508427,0.0,0.09941371602717397,0.0,0.21628160442197292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096154406959686,0.18840762661643745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754101887702451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036992277627756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105171984566162,0.0,0.10457319528176197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945747194229744,0.0,0.09296144863620087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701372192601468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410905915156778,0.14675606429574606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605525603557007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988026399883369,0.20887086630870094,0.0,0.0,0.182236135854288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162893548320613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892250956420832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663135578633774,0.1751847340614269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869496407800268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kallari0509,2019/01/08,"I guess I’m done 

At a motel 6 currently. I become homeless tomorrow. Been through the worse and through the best. I’ll probably end my self tonight because all I think about is the life i dreamed about having that won’t happen anymore.. options are there but there not fully reliable. I made song today tho. I have my laptop with me and finished a few songs that I had stored which lifted my spirit for the hour I was creating(my songs are San Holo type :/) . I’m currently in bed watching tv. And probably gonna be out this world at 12 .  ",2.6211320754717002,4.8164065849056605,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,77.49056603773585,6.881509433962264,26.63773584905661,7.908726449838941,1.694772830188679,422,17,83,7,10,136,78,106,0.022,0.929,0.049,0.3818,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,1,12,18,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,12,1,10,10,3,13,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,8,54,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405778642400696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386906545297434,0.2606537055029905,0.0,0.0,0.2476771768919985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415194323053591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090341692509084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599908278968647,0.0,0.2087022253103692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324215986124233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670033284075772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233176855313265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089158384382699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462091489098512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512252158558414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237091999259595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405136173579212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,borderlineemo,2019/01/08,"Anyone else always find an excuse not to kill themselves Ive only attempted once, every other time I find an excuse not to kill myself. My two most used excuses are ""its too close to this other persons suicide and ill look like a copy cat"" or ""its too close to x holiday or x persons birthday"". Anyone else a master of excuses?",3.883593750000003,5.498966421875,5.6270000000000024,77.51800000000003,72.28125,7.620000000000001,26.8625,8.238735603445708,2.05031625,257,9,44,4,5,88,44,64,0.101,0.6890000000000001,0.21,0.7163,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,4,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,4,1,5,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,3,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585880884689837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26653318040932344,0.3905687351086537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184308746491221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058226010413648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483958776184098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217243540721444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931137863488904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004955718814184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029746135900132,0.0,0.1449540570988157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328357460709964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847707709892369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113592164041944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861810144634252,0.0,0.0,0.16461058101966733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vcfgvczn,2019/01/08,I have 10 Bupropion left If I take them all at once will it kill me or do I need to get some Tylenol or something. I’m ready to take them now I don’t want to wait. No one in my family loves me or cares about me anymore. I don’t want there to be a chance I can be saved. Please answer,-1.2298051948051951,0.3933885303030316,1.138658008658009,103.69227272727277,87.93939393939394,4.983549783549783,15.48917748917749,6.18269132825596,-0.9483913419913416,217,4,61,2,7,73,46,66,0.096,0.6409999999999999,0.263,0.8402,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,12,18,4,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,12,3,7,15,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,5,1,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26507607107018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725160767180803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251973624971341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964599851005044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29571255916011563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904072193221094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123621522817074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981893175303384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28465106105288096,0.1811200346622196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933999638175175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576996168653972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019318900827091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153046311336116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayaway4123,2019/01/08,"Don’t know how much longer i can last. I cant see a decent future for myself the way things are going. Im a 17m might make it to 18 in a week but i don’t know if i want to anymore. This anxiety and depression is almost completely taking over my mind and my body. I cant really remember a time where i was genuinely happy without my depression and anxiety. 

Things just keep getting worse and worse and harder to hide from others. Cant talk about it to anyone. When i have suicidal thoughts i usually think about my mother and close family and how I’m young so there still a chance that things will get better. But some time has passed and its only gotten worse and it seems like my mother doesn’t really care about me anymore. I don’t blame her too much though she barely even has time to think about me. She has two other kids that I believe ruined her life and mine as-well. They need extra attention for many reasons. My mother cant even get a job because of them. Also the fact that ill be 18 soon so ill *totally* be fine on my own. So theres very little now holding me back from going through with it.

I had a glimmer of hope last year, I found something that wanted to do in the future, before this i would be happy with a brain numbing office job (still would be). From that moment i had some purpose. But later in the year my grandparents moved away and my mother is barely able to afford the rent and i feel completely helpless as i cannot get a job, because i wouldn’t have transportation because my mom is so busy taking care of two other kids. But we still carried on, some days i would come home with no water or sometimes no electricity during the hot summer. But we still managed.

The only thing i wanted is to at least graduate high school at a school i have been at for a while without having to move every year or two to a new city and school. I have made some friends that help me get through the days. Even some that will help me with what i wanted to do in the future. So my mother tried her best to keep us in the same house until I graduated. 

I kinda like school as it helps me forget about things. I have always done pretty well and made some decent friends. And i finally feel comfortable at this school because i hadn’t had to change schools every year this time. I just wanted to reach the age of 18 so i can get my life together.(i need to be 18 to be able to do that thing i wanted in the future)

Today all of problems i have been forgetting and ignoring hit me hard. For a couple of days things have been rough and my depression came in harder than it has in a long time. For all this time i have been pushing through and telling myself that I’m almost there. But today i just felt completely empty inside i have never felt so much dread and emptiness. My whole view has changed. I cant even see that purpose i used to have anymore. I cant even see how its going to work anymore. This job i want to do requires me to work hard and be motivated or at-least seem like it. I also need to be familiar with my city and area. I am usually pretty good at faking my emotions but everything changed today.  My mother told me shes gonna move and because ill be 18 soon i have two choices which change everything.  Either i stay with her and abandon everything or i become homeless, without anything as she is going to take my stuff because ill have no use for them anyways once I’m homeless.

This completely ruined me. After all this time and now that I’m so close to my goal and then in an instant its gone. I can only see two paths and suicide seems like the best option. If i go live with my mom is just see myself 

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suicidewatch,irlihatemylifeirl,2019/01/08,"Might be ending it in the next few months My life is fucked, I fucked everything up. In my school I had a class, didn't like how it was organized so I sent a letter of complaint to the teacher and she didnt take it well. They told the principal that it was a threat letter and had me suspended. She started telling people that I was threatening kids and telling people I was gonna shoot up the school and that I called her names, which all of these are lies like I'm not a good person but I'm not a fucking nazi. Now I have kids telling me on a daily basis to go kill myself for being so mean to the teacher which I never was. My daily life at school is awful, I go to a school where I have a certain class with the same people all day long every other week and all though I'm technically sitting with others I feel so isolated, everyone is talking to each other having fun and there i am not really talking to people, i mean i have like two friends in the class but we sit far apart. And I'm having anxiety attacks in class. I just dont think I can do it anymore.",2.7156013655462203,3.8719273616071455,4.14078781512605,88.84391806722691,74.49107142857143,7.056302521008402,23.890756302521005,7.5105763829236425,0.9247130252100841,835,24,182,10,17,277,118,224,0.2,0.75,0.049,-0.9807,0,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,1,0,1,0,10,14,6,0,15,1,25,5,0,1,5,30,43,14,1,0,6,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,3,14,11,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,6,1,1,11,1,27,8,19,28,6,25,0,0,0,3,20,11,3,1,12,130,41,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874472522837612,0.0,0.11504736719740635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319742454655934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845570057619735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481465474650517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595886165647106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274740778351388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977405569427317,0.11084926984987847,0.10425924459143784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058656418438934925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962640508352006,0.3217386745333683,0.0,0.0,0.13185843902350575,0.09730082533419923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283441060569037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387777306855195,0.17002488315119887,0.0,0.0,0.10266218325780847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527303740081449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230646615653077,0.0,0.0,0.09259535483379863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947143520128413,0.0,0.12337432648067514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32169745674006256,0.10129248140589232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431679324688653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696194569261261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211006278217467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722251986006384,0.18648340852781992,0.3041846233791277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743323399058239,0.11397588747845945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084926984987847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332158380394608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305349055882507,0.0,0.10430385788963106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,k-dog5758,2019/01/08,"I do everything to help other people, but not myself I’ve always found happiness and satisfaction in helping people, really. Letting people out of their parking spots in a crowded high school parking lot, or even something super small such as holding open a door. The problem is that I’ve given up on helping myself. My MDD has been acting up, but... it’s been abnormally severe and persistent. I’ve been suicidal and  almost completely hopeless for almost 6-7 months now and I’m getting worse. I set a random date to... “do it” during summer break (I didn’t want to do it during the school year, that would hurt everyone), so I chose June 19, 2019 for no specific reason other than it being this year and during break. It’s just that the pain of not being able to help myself has overridden the satisfaction I get from helping others (that’s not the only reason, I’d say the other large reason is my academic performance).

One more thing then I’ll shut up, I promise — It’s scary to me that with each passing day that’s getting me closer to 6/19/19, I feel more... tranquil and peaceful. This scares me. I do not want to feel comfortable with making that ultimate decision to end my life but I see no other option, so really at this point I will focus on making as many people as happy as possible before I let go

I hope some of you can relate to this in some way",4.6325143992055615,5.907881486792455,5.9241906653426035,77.43087388282028,69.98113207547169,8.446871896722941,27.154915590863947,8.841846274778883,2.200509433962264,1074,35,191,19,19,361,149,265,0.14,0.677,0.182,0.8787,0,0,1,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,1,3,6,12,0,1,9,0,19,2,0,5,0,42,34,17,1,5,9,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,23,11,0,1,7,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,6,4,23,7,32,22,6,33,0,2,1,0,9,16,0,9,10,136,46,3,0.10979971444804072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989710696764295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136215829250327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343146986418588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151229115717833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081173231524622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972499567190946,0.0,0.0,0.07252167584716103,0.0,0.0,0.10491833251849314,0.09868090341944072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103606947442228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038971954781745,0.0,0.0,0.17209745694903333,0.0,0.06240170805623395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337676754946665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679821705793737,0.11600942673699648,0.0,0.10905589125820593,0.0,0.0,0.11754286524833682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245552943627516,0.07755478547798185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334779074877836,0.0,0.0,0.1465843240056458,0.11131967670367476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764108452204655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440312814893728,0.08350763060236177,0.11683463762818755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30448518769963234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037962205575154,0.1237826803299146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506349795143502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068101731557767,0.3386771807076105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873171399669229,0.10992866887754467,0.22224634589680825,0.08749615659813635,0.0,0.0,0.1240424240801274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452918451080152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201030663913666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729460513812975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295254327879224,0.08715390257283087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189528947458942,0.07799856683617921,0.0,0.0,0.1414148323589849
suicidewatch,OfficialTobyuoso,2019/01/08,"Alone. Dumped. No help and no one to talk to. Let's just start of with this.

I'm ugly.

I got dumped for that reason.. And no don't say ""If she didn't love you for how you look then she wasn't the right girl""
She loved everything else about me. But she just couldn't stand how i looked.
If i did look good i wouldn't be here considering suicide in the first place.

We would've still been together... i would be happy...

My room got a balcony. We live on the third floor. The fall should be able to kill me.

I'm scared but i don't see any other way. I will always be ugly and alone",-1.5918295739348385,0.3637660158730149,0.2010776942355897,105.43251879699251,99.15873015873017,3.6050125313283212,10.599832915622393,5.399115186594226,-1.775326984126984,442,5,115,3,19,141,80,126,0.227,0.7240000000000001,0.049,-0.9558,0,2,0,0,0,2,22.0,2,2,0,1,7,8,3,1,5,0,16,2,0,3,0,19,27,10,2,6,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,3,6,5,18,4,10,11,0,13,0,0,4,2,14,6,0,2,4,72,21,0,0.16349502867554794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386630843741733,0.0,0.0,0.1360409611717284,0.0,0.0,0.11118222598279814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365791172345617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693878955327586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906878786994695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713187308395386,0.2615238199738895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740434982028256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958727139392599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088302542571308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671847439478441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436910568828998,0.0,0.41188394043685134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29512129330356396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078846271515083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708175068229399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168100119537037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962386116725828,0.0,0.13001780901274132,0.1636870456425826,0.0,0.13028437008169105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572262280084725,0.0,0.1305673410954308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883702505410398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314111109677905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297747436954756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322843549391456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antisocialite-,2019/01/08,"I dont feel like a person anymore. I was sexually harassed last night by a male coworker at a work party. He repeatedly tried to kiss me, begging me to have sex with him. I kept saying no but he wouldnt stop. I was able to get away. 

Everyone at the party, including myself, were really, really drunk. But we were all having a good time up until that point. I'm really upset that the night was ruined by this, I'm upset that I let myself get that drunk and vulnerable around someone that would do that. I think I'm an alcoholic. I'm only 26 and I feel like an old burnout drunk. 

I told my boss I was not comfortable coming back into work until this is dealt with. She said she would talk to him and that she doesnt put up with this kind of behavior. I want to believe her, but I feel like since hes been there for 5 years and I'm new, they will believe whatever he says. The only other woman who works there told me he did the same thing to her a year ago. I dont feel safe there and I thought I did, and it breaks my heart.

I dont like that I feel this way, but I do not trust men. I have been raped, molested and threatened more times than I care to remember. I hate that I want to hate men. I know not all men are like this. I am disgusted with men. I feel as though I am not seen as a person, but as a tool. I've struggled with these feelings my whole life and they hit me really hard last night. I couldn't stop crying. I still cant. I am disgusted with myself and the world. I was so drunk, but after coming home and admitting to my boyfriend what happened, he said I kept saying ""I want to die"" over and over. And I mean it. I do. I'm tired of feeling trapped in this body, I'm tired of being used. I'm so tired. I'm scared to leave the house. It's no way to live, and I think I would rather not live at all.",0.5069107551487413,2.2866529156010245,2.5466799030825165,95.13082615426036,82.50383631713554,6.0595234890294805,17.96210795531027,7.1686216300943375,-0.029203580562659592,1394,30,336,19,38,468,175,391,0.285,0.6459999999999999,0.068,-0.9986,0,1,1,0,1,1,49.0,1,0,2,4,10,24,7,4,15,0,36,14,2,2,3,70,79,27,1,9,12,0,9,5,0,5,5,5,1,8,23,24,5,5,15,4,0,3,14,12,0,0,19,15,57,12,42,51,6,39,0,1,1,3,34,13,0,0,25,213,80,5,0.07841386035078711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950915597937216,0.08380056953728669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776547903515818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980496041600469,0.0,0.0,0.07367240302600335,0.06029541841101574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669113698523672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710012171029027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799481566374682,0.0,0.0,0.13509319490900354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613394356412038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138120709215536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757013810054915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492780391733862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171872309299256,0.16805663250729733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193601124110451,0.0,0.0,0.06576982574183447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934111774245039,0.0,0.07024341682248494,0.1548349060495029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292080206370017,0.0,0.0,0.0786554954072159,0.0,0.0,0.09047906679838967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816559689054114,0.04309420694918287,0.12783552388883454,0.0,0.0830289560438556,0.0,0.08018348491026016,0.055386028539113716,0.19154525665158456,0.0,0.1384817505965266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541568173287653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573259495448177,0.0,0.2207582881159085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822821558070612,0.0,0.0,0.11927454852129732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693591658943502,0.0,0.0,0.07412644363103572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882758770609656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093570736945046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882761790891476,0.0,0.14917907557387586,0.18707354715853544,0.07850595361967737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486475558864555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643980941262714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262141016745129,0.13111499678699762,0.0,0.08197519231303309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630260906857239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209468453455046,0.10048887099975144,0.07704121966573353,0.062251846205327935,0.09144750511620972,0.2703755919851512,0.0,0.14985560783467725,0.0,0.053237863957207435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772439877127684,0.0,0.0,0.13875157940388402,0.1244825449633765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875462747612611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125867271982728,0.0,0.0,0.16710886976890935,0.0,0.0,0.1009919103330171
suicidewatch,lsahng,2019/01/08,"Does the feeling of being inadequate ever go away? I'm failing often and I don't know how to deal with it.

Every mistake I make gets amplified and  replayed in my head. I put myself down so often that it has become second nature. All I ever think about nowadays is how worthless and replaceable I am. Because my mind is so cloudy and disgusting, my short term memory and cognitive skills are noticeably laggy.

I've told myself multiple times that it's how I react and move on from failing that matters. That line of thinking helps me temporarily feel better, but l'm not making any progress. I still trip up on words when I talk, disregard deadlines, bomb quizzes and tests, unhealthily lose weight due to poor appetite, and more. Every minor setback sends me into a spiral of self-hatred. 

I'm so exhausted of plateauing in mediocrity and being in a state of disappointment. I go to the top high school in my state, so this feeling of being inadequate is daily. Combined with social anxiety, I don't really fit into any circle of friends either, so the social discomfort only adds on to my exhaustion. I recently lost a close friend who meant the world to me, too. I truly feel alone and invisible. A nuisance for being a waste of space. 

I know killing myself this young is stupid, but the thoughts are pounding in my mind. I hate being a burden to my family and to the few friends I have left. I'm sure they're sick of me complaining about the same shit all the time. The future just seems so bleak to me. I'm scared my social anxiety won't get better, holding me back in college and onward. I'm sick of having every burst of motivation in me to get better and move on getting shot down every time I try to act upon it bc my fear of failure and embarrassment is so strong. please convince me that it gets better soon ",4.483595767195767,6.1753339542857155,5.479841269841268,78.86330687830687,70.88571428571429,8.042328042328043,27.820105820105823,8.626192665926032,2.200407407407408,1444,52,257,25,27,475,192,350,0.272,0.603,0.125,-0.9966,0,1,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,14,22,30,5,4,15,0,19,7,2,7,5,58,47,27,1,1,5,0,5,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,13,20,1,2,12,0,1,8,4,20,0,1,4,5,36,10,46,37,7,50,0,6,0,0,13,26,1,3,14,173,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000699492421776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132816445077966,0.0,0.14773620625510947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072125855242284,0.07424864696298232,0.0,0.05886205380410235,0.10664288663618672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415977418934777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954907616312256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450026944143023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468801929060312,0.32542371488155897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102813423633284,0.10865679735992344,0.19529446308792325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238059507184504,0.0,0.252242961924793,0.0,0.10975449805001257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533296707926778,0.0990983738579302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064722104059872,0.1020208965202898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682928633367138,0.0,0.10613365467035248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049126762638741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802589326874534,0.1054066000031319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289090427520184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949960616824152,0.0,0.0,0.20525590681346112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993415151400912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343819877373105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599383683254092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097069427242986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061858781280161826,0.0,0.09534130886893724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667336239489073,0.0977238319958008,0.0,0.0879045586937942,0.10073309452983792,0.0,0.0991174086843759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952921495124808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711290672456382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100661712508924,0.0,0.0,0.07761123614536984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374344358486272,0.0,0.07665782033695652,0.16891466305286884,0.0,0.0,0.09226717729773062,0.0,0.06555787272387201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758401472956485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DxmoRec,2019/01/08,"The last person i cared about is gone. Im going to kill myself I tried. I really did.
Maybe they'll find this when they search for why I killed myself.
I'm going to jump off the grand canal bridge.
Exactly 23 rungs on the railing down.

Tell Aaron thanks for the kindness you showed,
Tell Emma I'm sorry and that I love her,
Tell my family its not their fault,
Tell Kane to go fuck himself,
",0.9124444444444464,3.2140608000000017,2.036666666666669,96.2927777777778,84.75,5.055555555555556,13.888888888888893,6.42735559955562,-0.7532777777777779,304,4,67,3,9,96,60,80,0.15,0.655,0.195,0.4867,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,3,0,2,9,3,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,13,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,5,1,4,0,0,2,0,14,5,9,10,0,10,0,0,0,2,12,3,1,0,2,35,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766510110224565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642725819876833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926637487523354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610964066689943,0.0,0.0,0.2971002580250852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822584804283315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38557579687114346,0.1814602935370589,0.0,0.14204149433461893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727239685889885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750630765349772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215318581835094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163253871732796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195064771596236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6092279687719868,0.16043105724997156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183080496191462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572384897597337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RollDat,2019/01/08,"I envy the dead... I don't even know how to explain it but I'm so jealous of people that are dead. Killing myself is all I think about every day. Even when I'm doing something I love, I consciously wish I was dead.

I don't have money for a therapist, and I don't want to talk to my family about it because they would just treat me way different and I can't fucking stand that. They think that the ADs I'm on are keeping me happy, and so they treat me normal (boy can I put on a smile.)

If I had the money, I would pay off my student loans and just fucking end it. I can't leave my family with that debt, though. It's a mountain of debt that only weighs on me because I can't kill myself - wtf is wrong with me.",1.122893300248137,2.4299315225806453,3.2200000000000024,93.21307692307694,78.93548387096773,6.059553349875933,20.95533498759305,6.67199483983844,0.19273200992555886,546,14,129,5,13,186,83,155,0.213,0.61,0.177,-0.7576,3,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,3,0,11,10,5,0,6,0,17,4,0,1,1,23,30,11,5,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,5,0,6,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,27,4,14,26,1,10,0,0,0,3,7,4,2,1,3,89,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319105709105972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748311802120336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412618111035755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761294821966697,0.0,0.0,0.22015718552044453,0.0,0.14041981284187535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31422795545095783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081524249852575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741465879465426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813672696722566,0.3687733304492571,0.0,0.09159300471054677,0.0,0.0,0.1764708553751642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041884383831247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329324611969662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267538615740401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155423553950448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754121083141182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283044492480859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395649739818025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935072755669868,0.0,0.21358039250359803,0.16374444026945015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830148849567298,0.1322884342744308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916529245296411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236783620189242,0.1822185909171408,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mogusaurus,2019/01/08,"Experience with inpatient therapy for people who react badly to medication? My wife has been chronically depressed/suicidal for the entire time I have known her.  I've prevented a lot of attempts, we've been to a lot of professionals and she has had a few medications. One gave her inorgasmia that hasn't gone away, one gave her insomnia that has only subsides a little, and one made her rageful while she was on it and she has had anger problems since.

She also has very bad breakdowns when she is confined. She'll smash her head on walls and the floor, gouge into her neck with her fingers, try to get her hands on sharp objects.

So I've tried to pin and eliminate every trigger I can for her... But it just isn't working. She was molested, heavily abused, and otherwise entirely neglected growing up. She was malnutritioned and I still have a hard time getting her to eat nutritious food. She has several back injuries and severe bunions. She gets cysts all over when she eats much salt, any processed sugar at all, much oils... Tomatoes. She has bad tinitus. She has pcos... 

So basically she is a walking medical nightmare and I don't trust professionals with her for a second because they have fucked up far more than they've helped, but at this point she had lost all hope and I'm ready to try just about anything, but not really because I think that if she isn't kept under in inpatient care she will find a way to kill herself or she will be imprisoned there. I'm also concerned that her medical needs won't be met.

A huge problem I have is that there is a precedent for pushing medication without consent, there is a precedent for medical imprisonment, and there is a precedent for people not getting the care they need. She has a LOT of care she needs.

Does anyone here have experience in mental institutions as it concerns such an extreme case? From what I've heard its really hit or miss, and i have no idea how to make sure its a hit...",5.688351351351352,6.8159722135135175,6.127945945945946,77.48867567567571,67.4054054054054,9.487567567567568,32.637837837837836,9.692545771848811,3.111316756756757,1549,66,286,33,25,500,197,370,0.13699999999999998,0.797,0.066,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,2,3,19,19,5,0,18,0,40,18,4,5,4,53,67,27,1,7,11,1,4,0,0,4,9,1,0,0,13,16,4,4,4,0,0,4,9,13,0,4,16,8,43,6,39,43,10,34,0,3,0,1,42,19,1,7,10,205,56,3,0.0,0.10272924109394058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867320673934022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896122201690612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062496828260505,0.0,0.07134943414979883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814606111268281,0.06666949129072815,0.21718091950826046,0.10570706252474844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651994002090381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587464833397324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743825735280336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305127572193082,0.0,0.0,0.16962494282481627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924525193437269,0.0,0.10484198311480823,0.0,0.0,0.08015581030338241,0.1811955976687549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776691329041688,0.0,0.08898260699808479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811539912758994,0.0,0.0,0.08611594738010027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787748016274646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959243631519414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689949149883247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464690184048304,0.22113615349227267,0.0,0.08204076558437809,0.05787513075717458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5240667615679998,0.08737654072995514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274738138703323,0.19286821082213693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762572143879468,0.06594177205670879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021831236920215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819626502031058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592671073098508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108871739760938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959001158349721,0.0,0.07172187160745111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924137305612038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483934546057243,0.0,0.08171684085832209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915278794677453,0.0,0.0,0.05555597826906408,0.0,0.0,0.10111479124904968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765975625164695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153930866944701,0.0,0.06882104947601854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835788940379185,0.0,0.06312104020643251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway263636,2019/01/08,"I just can't anymore The only thing that is making me depressed is school,I'm in the second year of high school and I'm just exhausted
It's been only 2 days of school since I came back from the holiday's and my body is already hurting and have an almost constant headache.
Every day when I wake up and go to bed I just want to kill myself,I cry when I wake up and when I go to sleep.School is very stressful for me.

Unfortunately homeschooling is not an option and dropping out would be very risky atm.
I am just stuck for 2-3 more years in this and I don't know if I can take it,every day is just pain to me.

I know it will get better,what I need is the power to somehow go through school or find an alternative not to just know that it will get better and be fine and dandy.",5.051969394544244,4.081971988023955,5.778403193612776,86.68374584165005,68.64071856287426,8.619827012641387,27.53759148369927,7.3871296695380915,1.1913212242182305,610,15,142,5,9,200,93,167,0.17800000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9741,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,1,1,7,0,18,5,3,1,0,32,33,14,1,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,7,11,0,0,4,1,1,4,4,6,0,1,3,0,15,2,17,25,1,21,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,5,10,90,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012287187666545,0.0,0.13237912959159776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896834334967088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224203501261434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219020249404505,0.0,0.13324880543387574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720257933122615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963442408426487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317707123923795,0.23209333034619764,0.0,0.10332159590934666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021433852997048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964150411224796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534856904343364,0.0,0.20452854023660427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674460065965468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841993909742305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271825377876634,0.0,0.19778106451556554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007440486358366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894901256456217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824703662526576,0.1276461741593766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070309359992561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923236646782098,0.0,0.1200468935756208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741407219521168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019518606393193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969626617483078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795955503212548,0.0707556692405357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521632667049645,0.0,0.0,0.15450094840418305
suicidewatch,liinkmatii,2019/01/08,"On and Off My (possible) depression is always on and off, for example when I’m hanging out with my friend or whatever I feel good, happy but when I get to my room and I’m alone, I just feel emptiness, lost all will to live, this also happens to me at night, as soon as go to sleep I start to get flooded with these thoughts. I don’t know what is what I’m going through, idk if it’s depression or it’s just that I’m going through puberty. Can someone please tell me if they have the same feeling as I do or it’s just me",0.503974255832663,2.2887523982300877,2.6181335478680623,94.58871279163314,82.53982300884954,6.232984714400643,23.54706355591312,7.348242739294969,0.8136619469026556,403,15,96,6,11,136,68,113,0.156,0.75,0.095,-0.8481,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,1,22,24,15,0,2,9,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,2,3,13,3,19,21,2,16,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,5,5,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108335175976788,0.0,0.16279206888997474,0.16938364826037738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506630830034293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087880401619239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727498489820504,0.0,0.21271020488981046,0.0,0.34707462583371995,0.17074193504423946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001319735815666,0.2167003410419854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187483318843837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975296268821467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221689866305752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103338481245516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345490412958546,0.0,0.2294906597828197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371352879192065,0.0,0.17248124797549474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408542741419972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779261070947314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160907469781016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gamagros3000,2019/01/08,I have problems with my sexuality and it gives me such a pain that i cant stand it anymore. 4 months ago everything was normal but one day i suddenly started thinking that i might be gay and so everyday im struggling with myself day after day i cant sleep at ease i cant relax i cant do everything It just wont leave my mind i dont want it anymore i cant stand it anymore,1.295679862306372,2.672990409638558,4.104165232358007,86.75662650602413,78.63855421686746,7.152495697074013,26.314974182444054,7.957251820313856,1.5087191049913944,296,12,67,5,7,106,49,83,0.207,0.7759999999999999,0.017,-0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,12,3,1,0,0,12,16,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,13,1,4,12,0,12,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973497334349085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361250562909075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486391037400388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119113554260896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239013329151741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728626864943399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946451506896491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080404435264647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911619831505641,0.181948974537552,0.0,0.1438326115345935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765561327895911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210707211539165,0.0,0.19174375966939128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242549393045134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032849681871926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275453264845501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838245083620064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154638328166891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062856613404235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reprapraper,2019/01/08,"I know there are plenty of people who care about me, but I just can't figure out why I recently got out of the hospital after a suicide attempt and it was made clear to me that people care(I honestly didn't doubt that. I'll explain my issue in a sec) and I can't figure out why: why should people care about me when I don't? To make an analogy, I feel like people are dumping their money into investments for my business and I'm just taking it all with no real intention of running a successful business.

To explain why I want to die in the first place, my therapist made an analogy(yes, two analogies in one post) comparing life to golf: some people have a natural slice(I have depression, ADHD and early onset essential tremors) and they have to account for that in their stroke to avoid slicing. But here's the deal, I want to stop playing golf. It's tough, it's boring and I never asked to start playing in the first place",6.662950819672132,6.230330076502735,7.086890710382518,76.84738524590166,65.17486338797815,10.161530054644807,33.60054644808743,9.642632912329526,3.0779293989071044,736,28,138,13,10,241,105,183,0.157,0.6729999999999999,0.17,-0.0606,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,3,4,7,13,1,2,10,0,11,2,0,4,3,36,27,9,2,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,2,6,4,3,1,6,6,0,4,5,2,18,7,27,21,2,22,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,2,10,95,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870173415785165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567265123283202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37845884440481775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275621859693212,0.10657012932623644,0.0,0.12841420777228998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256258113932399,0.08839411495361367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104926315626568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895972691964236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291439875354613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799983242676509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739552079203948,0.0604491706730268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341562862712093,0.08259202354482377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542969164166626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384395744321042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289007020725068,0.0,0.25854706206080924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850098552314207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083402381270413,0.0,0.0,0.12217035296810914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757809634273449,0.0,0.0,0.10344543317232037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534264805586202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930310121406831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366230645559094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208681158900266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596059526885755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446595283382306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abandonabadone,2019/01/08,"Torn in two SH TRIGGER WARNING


————————



I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m insane, brain damaged, retarded- I DONT KNOW. All I know is that I cannot bear this pain welling inside me. Maybe I am just weak, but it is agony to me. I’d do almost anything to make it stop. The only thing that is keeping me alive is the effect it’ll have on others I know. I believe they’d be hurt and blame themselves. I am being unintentionally tortured by their desire to keep me alive. I showed them my exposed muscle and charred skin in hopes they’d understand just how much it hurts for me to go so far for a moment of relief. Yet they still don’t get it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to die so badly, but I don’t want to hurt anyone else. I’m being torn apart. Sorry if this is bitchy and pathetic.",0.4026436781609206,2.3599740919540224,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,83.9425287356322,4.786206896551724,18.86206896551724,5.82211442006289,-0.34626206896551714,628,16,145,4,18,210,104,174,0.336,0.556,0.108,-0.9934,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,5,1,8,12,1,0,3,0,23,4,2,4,1,30,39,10,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,3,8,1,0,1,7,9,1,1,0,1,25,3,15,33,2,10,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,4,4,95,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666329320859758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525367859293847,0.1024115606811407,0.1500704477180248,0.12052801200547188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229195080881078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501562094326674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635031030038272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200728967573132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165559954992216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235250707546252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652178826431492,0.0,0.08323929433701402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145472547377176,0.0,0.0,0.4703806416070454,0.1653408782381227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603692039977367,0.0,0.0,0.4024659889630584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776635985751067,0.0,0.14714353045773335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076684458091811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139304451141883,0.15584882358551924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395529959092686,0.0,0.0,0.11696694083742733,0.12245109165599301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730467371468336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307478139206134,0.15247497309357866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277741202607858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316894025389358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013621484016555,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisaway1020,2019/01/08,I just don't know what to do anymore As the title says I don't know what to do anymore for almost everyday for about a year and a half I have been thinking of killing myself. I pretty much cry myself to sleep every night and I can't figure out why I have no reason to feel like this I don't have a shit life or anything like that but I just can't help think about it. The only reason I've not followed through with any of these thoughts is I'm just to much of a wimp and if I'm honest the day I do I think I'll be so fucking happy.,0.8519834710743801,2.017584983471074,2.8794132231404994,95.97002892561984,79.33057851239671,5.170578512396695,20.36446280991736,4.935628992294339,-0.3765907438016529,417,10,102,1,10,141,70,121,0.105,0.742,0.153,0.7637,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,7,0,14,4,2,2,0,23,25,8,1,1,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,10,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,2,2,12,4,16,22,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,3,6,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753156541167625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905926580594707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472613101516554,0.0,0.0,0.14407454518342708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231532076772956,0.1129110368133694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475110412594069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852486246363864,0.12507599153298404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618570918028989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637413427514096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735131185317835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193698228413558,0.0,0.19243693925365116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236629997861524,0.171068853695589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574054296997777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429914941930351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315495674027467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811759998613802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36001935807739743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922931247256942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971538635145734,0.0,0.0,0.17520476611235314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365493670712594,0.0,0.13899263491226024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798095809972346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274470218689975
suicidewatch,UnhappyChain,2019/01/08,"Disassociation/Depersonalization questions? After going to my second therapy appointment, it is confirmed that I suffer from disassociation and depersonalization. It's a constant feeling for me and it's unbearable.

Is there anything I can do at home to ease the feeling or help heal myself?

Also, does disassociation and depersonalization affect your vision in anyway? Or is it just my mind playing tricks on me?

​",6.590424836601307,10.54717144117647,8.35372549019608,48.6278758169935,77.23529411764707,8.316339869281046,32.55555555555556,8.841846274778883,4.172112418300653,350,17,42,9,9,121,50,68,0.069,0.75,0.18,0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,11,8,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,8,1,8,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,3,2,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155800354459751,0.0,0.29208576199200426,0.32756465902645643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183829024702745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913161652570334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359079992724869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726117109484492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320639932444866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069128274263252,0.0,0.2704069658238691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219517216686395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30198710343040586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082839438524201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32756465902645643,0.0
suicidewatch,Tuttssv,2019/01/08,"Perdido dentro de mi/ Lost inside me Cada dia despierto sentiendome como un fracasado y verme al espejo solo hace peor el sentimiento, tengo 28 años y nunca me gradue de el colegio, nunca he amado realmente y si lo he hecho no ha sido reciproco, todas las noches antes de dormir tengo miedo de morir aunque lo deseo, y cada vez que cometo un error me veo en mi mente suicidandome de multiples maneras, no salgo de casa y solo juego video juegos, fumo descontroladamente tabaco y marihuana, sintiendome mal con cada bocanada de humo que sale de mi. Toda mi vida he considerado que soy mas inteligente que la media, aun asi no logro demostrarlo ni siquiera a mi mismo. No siempre me senti asi pero ya han pasado mas de 10 años desde que no me siento de otra manera incluso recuerdo mi ser de hace 10 años mejor que mi version actual, tengo una obsesion por ser mas inteligente y una pereza directamente proporcional a dicha obsesion. Siento que toda la gente que me rodea no es digna de ser amigos mios ya que se que no entregarian su amistad de la misma manera que yo lo haria, odio las redes sociales pero mas aun tipo de gente que sigue trends. trato de convercerme dia a dia que es mejor suicidarme que esforzarme por tener una mejor vida, aunque soy capaz de saber cuales son las posibles soluciones a mi problema me es imposible hacer algo por mi mismo, me odio. Cada dia simplemente es horrible y solo vivo porque no tengo el valor de morir.  


Every morning i wake up feeling like a loser and seeing my reflection on the mirror makes me feel even more like it, Im 28 and never graduated from highschool, i have never really loved someone and if i had if was never reciprocal, every night before sleep i feel afraid of dying but in way i want to die, every time i make a mistake i imagine killing myself , i do not go out, and i spent all day playing videogames or watching random videos, i uncontrollably smoke tabbaco and marihuana, feeling like shit on every puff. My entire life i have felt like im smarter than the average, yet i have never prove myself or others of that. I did not always felt like this, but it has been more that 10 years since i felt diferent, in fact i remember my 10 years ago self better my current version, i have an obsesssion for being smarter and a directly proposional feeling of laziness for that obsession, in other words i want to be better but i feel to lazy to do anything about it even though its making my life miserable. I feel like no one deserves my friendship for they never be as good friends as me, I hate social media and even more people that follows trends. I try to convince myself every day that is better to die rather that making the effor to have a better life, but i have not the courage to do it, and the worse thing is that i know i could fix my life but it is impossible for me to commit to that life style. Every day its simply horribl. I live because i do not have the courage to die.  


I do not expect anyone to help me, just needed to express how i feel. ",3.67354831089062,5.829853511187607,5.303887820188319,77.32703823698155,74.1290877796902,7.586122641827817,25.677871148459392,8.435331408891425,2.040457095609328,2394,83,410,44,51,810,300,581,0.138,0.755,0.107,-0.966,2,0,1,0,0,2,44.0,0,2,1,6,9,28,3,4,15,1,24,9,3,5,9,62,50,21,5,9,16,1,11,6,2,0,5,0,0,1,19,9,0,0,16,3,2,2,19,10,0,1,9,13,53,18,32,37,6,25,0,3,2,1,15,7,1,5,21,192,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.07419811292210805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739945977095299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326629109661924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05316466684691119,0.0,0.06256941659098689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046349556310665785,0.0,0.06469924398116615,0.0,0.0,0.2689832031036702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070687775133191,0.0,0.0,0.1471067153000868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31564471277119743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065901049332914,0.0,0.3843710121276209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075601726089985,0.16295588807435454,0.21901338701875211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874359821020464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321181439444929,0.06377362322662751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506772938316017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096391669668068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642593068871312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841202388049472,0.0,0.04178623990909247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685249410525621,0.2228779211274541,0.0,0.06713932176871505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299997751727263,0.0,0.06862355826560503,0.0,0.20301285972363686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056378169282335265,0.2932101335458456,0.0,0.0,0.07135265922563347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152253462422834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527123288231096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870925971757712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613158044356335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060589169702521116,0.0,0.07931993424485206,0.0,0.07804769997447109,0.06289602316775396,0.0,0.0760888051782742,0.1550139603518488,0.06442327199347754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051354091551489,0.0,0.07470291521172721,0.0,0.044335975278300806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162202330783765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969352178547095,0.06035216629543605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774850341601522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097926670260561
suicidewatch,yungsmonch,2019/01/08,"the end of my life is near. going to run away and die hey everyone. happy 2019. i'm an 18 year old girl living near the city. i feel completely hopeless and chronically bored/unfufilled. my mom knows i'm suicidal and she constantly worries about me. it tears her up inside. i'm an only child and my dad passed away 10 years ago so if i died she would have no one except her parents (my grandparents).

but i've been alive long enough, and i've experienced everything i wanted to. drugs, alcohol, friendships, sex... the only thing i haven't found is love. romance. but that's ok, because to me it's not worth staying alive for.

i'm not going back to school (i'm a senior in high school) so i guess you could say i dropped out, unofficially so. my plan is to sell my possessions, withdrawal all my savings, bike downtown, go on a drug binge, and then off myself.

seems like my only option. i guess life isn't for everyone.",1.2616933066933065,3.786739994505496,2.9374625374625403,88.73708291708294,85.86813186813188,6.386013986013987,21.45954045954046,7.686295010490155,1.0838043956043957,717,24,146,14,22,236,119,182,0.112,0.758,0.13,0.7479,2,0,3,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,7,1,9,8,0,0,1,25,25,13,3,4,6,3,1,1,0,1,6,1,0,2,4,7,1,0,4,1,2,5,5,1,0,1,2,3,23,6,19,21,2,27,0,1,0,2,13,10,0,5,11,82,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172169961047387,0.13469221320727562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368265292386955,0.09691250783713204,0.0,0.07682926873325781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321444439783442,0.1361981783935097,0.0,0.1006280403948728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26160716943206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923192803701706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162887805829776,0.1302270030887269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086212769464865,0.1132713978095636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372667031223107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818997741761768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148843936052198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776817256966123,0.0,0.0,0.1341657324184812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316203510756458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926509142417142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780433428050924,0.06157393604891461,0.0,0.11129049348742684,0.11153628673757472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375077172437358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760971299639422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225167483125194,0.0,0.08540402483966213,0.2875640286516892,0.0,0.0,0.1399460461442981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022744172443578,0.0,0.2551066456171072,0.0,0.11473678756165415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343356707165154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786094107327354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373151155221402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433822713101687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799383165333095,0.0,0.08953106818574325,0.0,0.0,0.16232376455069658
suicidewatch,Backflipflop,2019/01/08,"Hey, this is my first post Last Saturday I tried to commit suicide (again), it failed obv and i'm alright. I went to the hospital by myself and everything is good, i've been a bit dizzy but thats it.

Nobody knows about it except for my bf but he's no help, he even guilt tripped me in buying him some drugs because he knows I have a hard time saying no, that was after I told him about the suicide attempt..

Really feels like he doesn't give a shit.

​

I've just been so lonely, I don't really have friends, or the people who I would call my friends never want to meet up and they barely reply to me on fb. I've never posted on here before, my life seems so much more depressing when I think back.

​",2.5582882882882885,4.048312216216221,3.7308108108108087,90.28153153153154,75.48648648648648,6.5549549549549555,21.792792792792795,7.1686216300943375,0.5471333333333335,560,14,120,6,12,182,101,148,0.238,0.665,0.097,-0.9736,0,2,1,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,1,3,10,10,1,1,6,1,10,3,1,0,3,19,20,9,2,2,5,0,2,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,5,3,17,5,14,14,4,18,0,3,0,0,18,4,1,3,11,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977417414711659,0.3339076556070392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565071941451368,0.0,0.08375665530605159,0.0,0.11691573141220485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000322685414547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029890392106695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183408511898654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933826788252992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075020212391843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348462478939927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947264821269111,0.09815728731794038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687082180441245,0.0,0.0,0.21230698623093774,0.0,0.0,0.1318048542111517,0.0,0.1152430746566065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308178161797532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209510389267618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510208930218586,0.1119978550735054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970483979525896,0.06712581054742417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100347161180004,0.0,0.21193989364674434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525459803809323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631789523444655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604158490894714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926454757582564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250821428496192,0.0,0.0,0.14103725740925016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005826168079537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803920591366496,0.0,0.0,0.08011798374405893,0.0,0.0,0.13128984915660172,0.0,0.0932843452354811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104100648793898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273694894875194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760372499770796,0.0,0.3339076556070392,0.0
suicidewatch,roastedpinapple,2019/01/08,"Need to vent So I’ll be real blunt because i need to get this off my chest. 
I cheated on my wife with a woman. They are acquaintances. 
Now, it’s come out and only a few people know. I may have ended up throwing my entire life away because of one stupid action. My job. My marriage. My future. Wife doesn’t know yet. And honestly, have thought about ending it all. I need help. Help me see past this. ",-0.6423733583489692,1.5221181585365855,1.2602439024390255,97.26196060037523,99.1219512195122,3.498686679174484,16.063789868667918,5.369823440869387,-0.7149879924953098,307,8,66,2,13,100,61,82,0.081,0.818,0.101,0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,14,15,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,1,1,12,1,10,12,2,14,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,6,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527021072447435,0.0,0.0,0.2663681342352973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820214522272247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870188596796691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414737135320532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928865880145239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680880630276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014302718863706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431968121635448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860029617979855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480484659544745,0.16616474217891036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856495732456826,0.15146730408483056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486793540701985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741011713289313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344961021625646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifewastedfailure,2019/01/08,I was so close I planned on dying in the 7th but my friend spent the end of the day with me after I dropped her off at her house. I went to a big stretch of road and kept diving 80+mph and closing my eyes if I kept then shut for a few more seconds I’d be dead. I really don’t know what to make of this. She made me promise to call her if I was close to doing it. I really don’t know why I’m still alive.,1.886205673758866,1.639092585106383,3.700851063829788,96.43333333333334,75.27659574468085,7.117730496453903,22.04964539007092,6.42735559955562,0.0271262411347517,309,6,85,2,6,105,64,94,0.064,0.8059999999999999,0.13,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,6,1,1,2,0,15,15,7,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,1,16,2,14,7,2,18,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,2,5,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978830822174796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881380114466499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027637205239826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583811025685625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538543661879376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33661062390482765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206480438214771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760365447305592,0.194728206230706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737720569836404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329713677665944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27043130807604243,0.2632357663356359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PoJustAnotherManke,2019/01/08,"I don’t deserve to live I really dont. I’m 17 and for 5-7 years I’ve been molesting or attempting to molest my sleepingg sisters (along with their friends occasionally). This morning I tried to do the same this morning to my older sisters friend while she was laying right beside her but it was a little before school and my younger sister had woke up. Ends up they were awake and watching me (I couldn’t really do anything). My older sister confronted me a little bit ago and also exposed me for going through her phone and sending her nudes to myself on Snapchat (and unknown to her messages) because I guess you can look at deleted messages or some just sent later (it was slow). The picture thing was a while ago and she never confronted me until today but she said since then shes told the rest of our family to not let me be alone with her two-year old son which was probaly one of the worst things ever (I would never hurt my nephew, or at least I cant see myself) Then she told me that she’s been awake most of not of all the times, along with my little sis and they never said anything in the moment because they were terrified and I reminded them of our brother (he’s the oldest and did this to them and possibly me when we were much younger which screwed us up, obvious for me) That was the true depths of my sadness and anger st myself. I not only sexually assisted and continued to do so, but I terrified them. And rn, we’re in her house. I lived with my mom, stepdad, and little sister and our house was destroyed during hurricane Florence and she opened up her house to us and I made her afraid for her and her son in her own home. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me. Doubt she wants me staying here. I’m also supposed to get help, but my mom can’t afford anything because our house is destroyed and her and my stepdad aren’t working right now. I’ve thought of ending my life before but I always thought about the impact on my friends or family. However the emotional, financial, and even physical toil my actions have put on them is far worse than I could ever imagine my suicide would. After writing this though, I feel like I should give life another shots don’t try to get help especially looking at some of the posts on here. I’m still thinking of suicide and I’ll try to update. Let’s just hope I come on here next time.",4.979999999999997,5.4845145902335455,5.5397940552017,83.30841719745227,68.7027600849257,8.318216560509553,29.92505307855626,8.238735603445708,2.005284161358811,1856,67,371,24,30,599,228,471,0.141,0.7959999999999999,0.063,-0.9925,3,1,0,0,0,2,42.0,7,1,8,2,16,19,8,2,14,0,37,4,1,1,8,75,65,42,2,7,14,12,1,1,3,4,2,2,1,0,13,32,0,0,6,0,0,6,14,13,0,1,23,7,81,6,53,33,11,64,0,2,4,2,65,24,1,10,33,265,94,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767068003403685,0.0,0.0,0.08042583781459949,0.0,0.1241993083379866,0.06461411818508814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142669924151323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170719232811545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420109662210209,0.0,0.1321551974874125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477775329808754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689180637084896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062000179016055285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910095849353839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734998638721582,0.13755629933400762,0.0,0.0,0.05128955162340575,0.14048447629354233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641003794193672,0.0,0.03926405554506631,0.055475835174807586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998522111442325,0.0,0.08114173038000133,0.07449252691522754,0.04413240027001108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554433056193314,0.0,0.06866893072875425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409930721512704,0.0,0.0778930155930753,0.07712766837203804,0.0,0.35840788107615473,0.08312991646556937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042676455300235325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588123857865632,0.109698241993144,0.03793768658094985,0.31131772295032434,0.13713932005292567,0.0,0.13041913933716628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347783022174839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189420353158914,0.0,0.0,0.05708442130302699,0.0,0.17967401496379926,0.0,0.08258561529486277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148451944939734,0.0,0.05262017234930153,0.0590591554965535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754290491362407,0.0743708010921754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806343964355975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949392668816848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263171017339767,0.14773294605389314,0.0,0.0,0.07858971333626362,0.061879963311208874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423596205642694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276853648329795,0.06201436343869441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988113834521848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317936601270992,0.0497573701315476,0.07629438850603168,0.1232967639976109,0.09056102062655468,0.0,0.07360664952304902,0.14840292006736794,0.0,0.15816534162902285,0.0,0.07585640377216694,0.0,0.18681573486028516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580217772077436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056532835142040085,0.0,0.07913577780549245,0.1103259535459972,0.0,0.0,0.1000129031750079
suicidewatch,squiddly-squishies,2019/01/08,"Calling the hotline didn't work Life is stressful, I feel like I'm never doing good enough. I have a lot of tests coming up and I break down every time I try to study. I hate myself and I feel like I am stupid and unintelligent so everytime I open up a book to study I get this wave of self-hatred, I try to distract myself by doing stuff on my phone, but because of that my parents think that that is the only thing I do which makes me feel even worse.
I had to stop cycling home because I felt like I was just going to ride the bike into the water or in front of a car. I sat down next to a tree and eventually called the suicide hotline a few times, but my phone would immediately cancel the calls. It felt like a sign that maybe I should just end it. I called my friend, but she was busy so she couldn't pick up, but my phone didn't cancel that call. So that made me feel even worse.
I feel like I whine too much because I have amazing friends and sweet family members and yet I just don't want to continue.
I'm sorry.",3.1490277777777784,3.8400851064814816,4.284333333333337,89.99400000000004,72.93518518518519,6.871111111111111,23.196296296296296,6.742157984588678,0.4557818518518522,797,19,182,6,15,261,117,216,0.168,0.696,0.136,-0.3151,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,15,2,2,12,0,17,2,0,3,1,36,35,14,1,4,8,1,7,5,2,2,1,0,1,0,12,9,1,1,8,2,0,5,5,5,0,0,9,8,32,10,20,23,4,23,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,2,13,119,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974797912432976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.551323317865622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301943581908384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564257606135278,0.11157727520696642,0.0,0.1426460254032583,0.0,0.09098194157239008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179855999183092,0.0,0.2730020680352637,0.2314333175999533,0.20736489019827892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668577426959009,0.0,0.0564176570407374,0.0,0.06137031121120124,0.09057261675609632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661273956491288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831766636029336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762729333692688,0.2637798553739665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180490642929304,0.0,0.10217793005237268,0.07208076399770394,0.0,0.10848535332777902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938133161224525,0.0,0.08328461740453029,0.0,0.11484317375001905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212738782660607,0.0,0.0,0.11990446016891305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265180872580735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208802626303218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028021756952813,0.12369634622624676,0.0,0.1236168834529512,0.11811796169450192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174037401130526,0.06919236822246919,0.0,0.0,0.1259337354291217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662932719440866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369229599289962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861429845401116,0.0,0.2200916914625058,0.07670937975688624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontevenknowthrow,2019/01/08,"How do you cry with a toddler constantly running to you ? I don’t really get it anymore, I love me daughter so much but why is she not enough for me to live for. 
I’ve been through a lot of shitty things, lost my car when another car hit my parked car. Got fired from my job, got approved for unemployment, for the company to appeal it months later with a lawyer and won. That really hurt me. I loved my job. 
I keep trying, I try to find a job only to have to quit due to child care /transportation issues. Tried to walk my daughter in her stroller to daycare, then I would catch the bus to work. Only to have to stop due to her catching a terrible cold. Hearing her cry because it’s cold and she didn’t feel good .. was hard. 

My boyfriend helps, he works out of town six days a weeks to make sure we stay somewhat afloat, but it doesn’t cover all the bills. I can’t cry to him about how I feel anymore. How do I cry to a man who loves me and my daughter so much he works outside in the cold hen he doesn’t want to. 

I even got good news today that I’m getting accepted into a back to school/work program. They’ll pay for my toddlers daycare, pay for cabs and even pay for my welding class. 

Why do I still want to hang myself. The urge to cut myself is so high, I feel pathetic. It’s like why do some bullshit and cut when you should just be done with it all. 

I miss my life . I miss brining home enough money to support me and me daughter. I miss my weekend dates with her, taking her to see new things. I miss not having to ask my family for a thing. I know they are getting tired of helping me. 

I’m so done. I’m cried out. And it makes me feel even worse that my two year old just wants to play , she wants to hug me and I don’t want to. ",1.0435548489666149,2.7431774000000004,2.495198728139908,96.5558982511924,80.4054054054054,5.542130365659777,20.88235294117647,6.37848985222837,0.006367249602543534,1338,37,318,11,34,434,182,370,0.196,0.659,0.145,-0.9686,6,2,0,0,0,2,42.0,1,3,2,7,17,22,2,0,14,0,24,6,0,5,3,50,62,20,0,7,6,4,6,1,0,3,2,1,1,2,14,16,0,2,7,2,5,9,8,9,0,2,10,11,57,13,49,47,9,36,0,6,1,4,32,7,0,3,20,197,71,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427664256741071,0.0,0.0,0.15941408456352738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513660754272017,0.0,0.0,0.0618008083318134,0.0,0.04899378849257486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194421458614991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685315967867657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414222073046363,0.05183304055053315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644961263348622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609071908526632,0.0,0.15925407451877194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576720259356258,0.0,0.1625532070312135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345819701317452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597254964714752,0.0,0.0,0.13482378932941572,0.19284155982029064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719971774642328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058464758451616,0.0,0.10774279428499282,0.08491702043854926,0.08061927960710692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603947257947703,0.0,0.0,0.08388708138471128,0.2392692691223057,0.07143798130605719,0.0,0.0,0.044170135875388254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056768846194469126,0.03926550973574434,0.0,0.0709696055820583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877351083171849,0.06832907012701837,0.2176155523520681,0.0,0.107297349772945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415185364623352,0.0,0.11816476450932915,0.0,0.0,0.07762340337947979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843364864888568,0.0,0.0,0.12225246471930233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548510214979578,0.0,0.0,0.1029762249389088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134036184704953,0.06404576875448849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566544425853806,0.06418487290104757,0.06719426615985785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912047524780504,0.07574929284136891,0.0,0.06042944960642972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018598256071714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237534447460974,0.07618289025863,0.0,0.0,0.1637011457812575,0.0,0.07851138615105299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23702629460232236,0.0,0.06446925894193935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756863558688327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234045962072306,0.0,0.08190553863206773,0.057093686957192025,0.0,0.0,0.051756682829604515
suicidewatch,00192,2019/01/08,"You know your fucked when Every time I open my mouth people ask the same fucking question 

""Hey mate, are you drunk""",9.05227272727273,7.175521500000002,6.935454545454544,84.52318181818181,61.27272727272727,8.8,31.09090909090909,3.1291,1.3070363636363642,91,2,18,0,1,26,21,22,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,2,1,2,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441257353332464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101418610837492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6806088446366126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229926509850912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551956195567066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41235855054560333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146432709843865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morbidanna,2019/01/08,"Someone take me away from my existence. I’ve essentially shut myself off from the world. It feels like a living death. I can’t talk to people properly, not even my family. There’s no one.",1.1099999999999994,3.7203189189189203,3.2419459459459468,84.99967567567569,89.54054054054055,7.284324324324325,18.210810810810813,8.238735603445708,1.2933610810810814,148,4,29,4,5,50,34,37,0.162,0.7709999999999999,0.066,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35868466380586306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521549091815952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598979582780716,0.0,0.19303394252230507,0.27273594206842633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651311254617697,0.0,0.3371091352784473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586966421013325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646706448612333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234717441493313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870428732849837,0.306851564766084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helgefylla,2019/01/08,"I can’t take it The only man I’ve ever loved just walked out of my life saying that I made him hate me. My past with borderline disorder came back to haunt me, and I can’t do anything. I can’t see my life without him and I want to die. I just can’t...",-1.0049425287356328,0.6027772413793073,1.8110344827586216,99.29574712643681,86.93103448275862,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5723540229885056,192,4,51,2,6,67,38,58,0.241,0.693,0.066,-0.8527,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,11,12,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,2,13,1,6,10,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,3,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201491709457013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810846206662944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946703417716972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673885711888068,0.0,0.2952765763015885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330491952289781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25436514017202705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363956042532666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252922608379356,0.24378421946876824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594604361289916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459455458970959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048848469618584,0.0,0.0,0.2053048996010503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371243917694886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196213758532912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835476975335086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artificialstarlight,2019/01/08,"I’m so tired of failing I’ve tried to hang myself freshman year and failed. I’ve overdosed twice last year and failed. I tried to hang myself on Sunday and the belt snapped clean in half. It was painless and I had already passed out before it broke. I really wish I had died that day.
I’m so tired of living this life. I’m gonna try hanging again tonight, I’ve found an old karate belt, but my grandparents take forever to go to sleep. If I fail again, or am unable to carry out my plans due to my grandparents, then I’ll stockpile my meds so I can OD by the end of this month. 
I’ve felt this way since middle school. I’ve waited around since then but it really doesn’t get any better. 
I’m so tired of failing. ",0.7787000000000006,2.9162651866666667,2.0689166666666696,96.927375,83.8,5.083333333333334,18.041666666666664,6.322622252153567,-0.3070333333333335,558,13,127,5,16,178,89,150,0.18600000000000005,0.755,0.059,-0.9623,2,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,7,7,7,0,0,3,0,6,5,1,0,0,15,18,14,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,6,0,2,5,1,12,1,16,12,0,26,0,6,0,0,0,6,0,2,14,62,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338032715100726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684359863439333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986567462441254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369330661199802,0.0,0.0,0.13895546390188335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013261875673204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630605814237179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915727003491404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150855054356605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226850558848428,0.0,0.0,0.08208611121598036,0.0,0.08929208435232365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806970796288586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097498229673072,0.0,0.0,0.1387354376746556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745193638142235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254077068662854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486577978012884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130380491497374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900878423816633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599343297578451,0.0,0.15722848266048994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813093888330756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417417952765958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200123478429888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471058665821202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067451462363612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235383826816136
suicidewatch,ninescoundrel,2019/01/08,"Appears to be the end for me. I have so much on my fucking plate right now and I try to talk to my family about just one thing that's going on and I get no support. They gang up on me and leave me feeling even more alone, stupid, and out of options. I can't talk to them or anyone about anything! I feel so helpless and honestly hopeless. The only things left for me in this world are my kids. But even they've made it clear lately. They're better off without me. They don't need me. I'd be doing them a big favor if I killed myself. It hurts so damn much to leave them, but I just can't do this anymore. Literally everything hurts right now. My stomach, my head, and my chest. My brain just wants out. I actually want to die. I know the subreddit has very explicit rules about mentions of a suicide method, so I won't say what I'm doing. Just know I'm doing it. I'm tired.

And to my family, I still love you all more than anything else in the world. I hope you get all the happiness you desire in the world and then some.

Thanks Reddit for giving an anonymous person the opportunity to say one last thing before they go. Hope you all have a nice Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day it is when you're reading this. See you guys on the other side. I hope later than sooner.",0.964626623376624,3.132864564393941,2.6583549783549785,92.7968181818182,83.28030303030303,5.438095238095238,19.65584415584416,6.7097532225279775,0.14634350649350614,991,27,217,11,28,326,143,264,0.131,0.691,0.17800000000000002,0.9419,0,1,1,0,0,3,31.0,0,5,6,2,17,20,4,0,12,0,15,7,4,1,5,41,40,20,3,8,11,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,13,10,0,0,4,1,0,3,6,8,0,2,1,5,39,12,30,36,8,34,0,4,1,2,21,19,2,10,12,149,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.10918766796653646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588341303165528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096396902271244,0.07823549363480417,0.0,0.1841504699929092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520942368059346,0.0,0.0,0.09895685857904077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490529281312165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215924391812838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161232703102387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346902561428734,0.0,0.0991005744172377,0.0,0.0,0.14780345362854538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005587513126204,0.0,0.2109582611736982,0.0,0.11314902995516732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343971410509052,0.11691492325395468,0.10733426593812846,0.12717836226605422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078784742489373,0.0,0.11910807831318668,0.0,0.0,0.11483054557579728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333935098343344,0.0,0.0,0.2395592935512536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378876419057284,0.0,0.12298269886064905,0.09120458903358443,0.12621583217109536,0.23694890382590456,0.12156788637590348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100984324257047,0.1058722169346308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450279540217286,0.08296438528865369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516379644115831,0.08509673875558303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769728801938636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191942650771493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110544159390275,0.0,0.17795748232951944,0.0,0.0,0.0891611643923066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935481789854445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238856725700845,0.1269704788809359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986451729594508,0.0,0.10301249443516257,0.0,0.0,0.22300253400328365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860011574018945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596538670213993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232026484462046,0.13199023654068245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785714562400384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vengeful_Burbot,2019/01/08,If all goes well I will be gone soon. I am just too tired to go on. I have lost what I thought was my only way out. I've lost hope for things to get better. I'm finally going to have peace.,-1.7225,-0.053479159090908716,0.9829090909090932,103.68936363636368,90.5909090909091,4.42909090909091,13.345454545454547,5.6839178017228535,-1.3470490909090909,143,2,40,1,5,49,35,44,0.15,0.621,0.228,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,6,15,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,5,0,5,3,6,8,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388604299834005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958552493646776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110365487001592,0.0,0.3069810292248755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682465815784324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5896400991476721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054051017909818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794266104923092,0.0,0.0,0.21441031577996286,0.0,0.3104128342663733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437389733516565,0.0,0.0,0.24283091688485844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,go-gaia-oldbie,2019/01/08,"My Uselessness Is Pushing Me I hate myself so much lately. I have always had some serious mental health issues, but never this bad. I haven't been able to work in almost two months. I have panic attacks whenever I leave my house for anything aside from therapy. I barely leave my room, despite trying and making lists of things I could to to get me out. I'm trying so damn hard. I want to go out, I want to be able to go to the store and not start crying because of my anxiety.

All we've had to eat this week is noodles with butter. We don't really have anything else. My partner keeps reminding me that I didn't choose to have mental health issues and that this isn't my fault but I can't help thinking it is. They work long hours and we're not making ends meet at all. If I were working, my pay would make it so we wouldn't have to worry so much anymore. We would be able to have shoes without holes in them and feel like humans again. Alternatively, if I just...weren't around, they would have more money to spend on their own interests. I just want for them to have the things they need, to be able to go to the doctor, to be able to see friends and get the things they want. I feel like I'm holding them back and everyone around me. I'm 26. I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't have significant issues and suicidal thinking. I'm not unsafe right now. I just don't know what the point of my existence even is now. I'm just breathing air other people are much more worthy of having access to. I don't know. I just want to feel like a person.

Spare account because I don't want anyone I know reading this.   
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suicidewatch,_-_helPmePls_,2019/01/08,"I could put so many catchy things here but there isnt enough space Ok so maybe its not just the space. Im not sure what to do here.
Do i want to vent? Perhaps just exchanging life stories? What about advice? A friendly voice?

I dont know
I am not looking for a long term *something*-ship. I tend to ghost people a lot after a long talk.
I dont simply want to vent no. 
Advice could be cool yea but i wont make any use of it. I guess we will see.

I am 17. Name is Maurice.. Hi <3
pls be around my age. i haven't talked to females yet and i really like to hear the opposite point of view  (of¿)

I have a lot to say and i hope you do too

I am not only looking for non suicidal people so hmu even if your're depressed

I tend to be negative a lot altough im trying to spread some positivity, so pls dont kill yourself bc of me. I wont cure you. At least i wont think so.",-1.6592881944444429,0.28109678645833824,1.0729166666666679,100.03597222222223,96.76041666666666,4.302777777777779,15.965277777777775,6.0378880255834675,-0.6763868055555555,661,17,167,7,27,226,111,192,0.132,0.711,0.158,0.4985,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,0,0,15,8,1,0,8,3,22,1,0,2,1,29,36,10,3,6,9,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,14,2,0,0,0,8,22,6,18,27,7,12,0,1,4,0,10,5,0,7,7,105,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24746165105089665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610540402640103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271794077407125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219027045495488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905693910979863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451903095468487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308314902671479,0.0,0.08363079332048659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978256867226044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948533380626507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270905086180655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576144436344425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735409472077801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008539447850704,0.0,0.06958660584656462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894348918383093,0.06185974969726466,0.0,0.0,0.22410803084823533,0.2126564912679976,0.0,0.0,0.3229413704457598,0.0,0.0,0.08451930517142965,0.12837200417884234,0.12720601414314922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629961406722028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755636332461721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969607937890785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728727742937745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111550750723197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069267705974548,0.0,0.0,0.10089911606864943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850086343428394,0.0,0.11933710593463295,0.0,0.0,0.20354344776638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412017614529108,0.08113247641929948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596613135662935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935834250412556,0.0,0.0,0.14936658002860204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sebastianebby,2019/01/08,"I can’t trust anyone. No one believes me and I can’t tell what’s truth anymore Against my will, my religious parents went through my phone and figured out that I was trans. I have been trying to hide this for months, but now they know. They said they have known for a week or two and did not tell me. This uncovered lies on top of lies I have been told, and that the only person I trusted may have outed me

I can’t make it any longer. It seems so far away until I graduate and I just want to end it all instead of wait. I can’t even trust my therapist because of the connections he has with my parents. I’m not allowed to see one that isn’t conservative/evangelical

The only thing keeping me going is hope for the future and even that is just slipping away because I’m losing so much freedom and independence now that they know

I wanna die but I don’t want to go to hell. They told me I was going to hell over and over and over again. I’m scared that I will kill myself and go to hell. 

",2.6192788461538465,3.8313500625,3.832884615384618,90.73711538461541,74.81730769230771,6.7384615384615385,24.05769230769231,7.1686216300943375,0.7415326923076928,775,23,174,8,16,253,109,208,0.204,0.68,0.116,-0.9801,3,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,5,2,10,11,4,1,5,0,21,0,0,3,2,37,42,16,2,4,7,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,13,13,0,2,5,0,0,5,9,6,0,3,9,2,30,5,26,30,2,23,3,1,1,0,15,10,3,4,8,126,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607345665808212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401091893354234,0.09878442242982004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654694806084641,0.0,0.0,0.17224274773363146,0.0,0.0,0.1591712175691956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662360592757462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512981706189666,0.0,0.0,0.18662474180815067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211647419435122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032030638407514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255738183480534,0.1563024786543553,0.0,0.15528469638753767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805324041965318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430374195409212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127662493982034,0.0,0.10385512301967068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914664052962275,0.21489561318219688,0.0,0.0,0.3137436021425655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335795074042312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438713169254696,0.0,0.1414432940699106,0.0,0.11257977317530464,0.12861361224432974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469652980226941,0.0,0.0,0.1640339162917486,0.09385840747564343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699931639537806,0.0,0.09591806098978167,0.0,0.13800746273257675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666581071745963,0.0,0.11332418502596014,0.0,0.0,0.1309655380017015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minzimin,2019/01/08,"I can't put it into words. I constantly feel like I'm wasting time wallowing in my own misery. It's like some sort of Catch 22 scenario where I'm wasting time being miserable, unproductive and feeling like I don't belong in this world/ even in my body ( I feel... Detached almost? ) And being miserable and unproductive because I'm wasting time. 

There's so much about myself and my emotions I don't understand.

 I hate being lonely but always seek to be alone when I'm in the presence of others, and miss people when they're gone.

 I hate myself after eating because I'm a whale and don't deserve it, but obsess it and feel depressed when I deprive myself of it. 
 
I hate myself because I'm ugly and no one should have to shoulder the burden of looking at me.

I'm a toxic person and have no friends or any sort of positive relationship with anyone because I swing between idealising them and resenting them with my mood swings.

I hate myself because I'm so selfish and useless and depressed for no reason. My family loves me and I'm well off, yet for as long as I remember I've always felt empty, outcast and as if something's missing. I've always felt broken. I've never been happy truly, and I'm not even exaggerating. Any laughter has been hollow, temporary and fleeting.

I always fail even the simplest goals I set myself because I lack willpower and belief in myself. 

The annoying thing is I can't kill myself because my family's reputation would be on the line.
 
Honestly I don't give a fuck anymore. 

I'm too much of a failure and a pathetic liability to their happiness and normalcy to continue to plague them anymore.

I'm giving myself until the end of January to fix up. If not, I'm ODing on paracetamol. I know organ failure is slow and painful, but I deserve it for ruining my life and the life of everyone around me by being so hopelessly depressed and disgustingly hideous for no goddamn reason. 

The world would be better off without me.",5.0161499164947445,6.379438169761273,6.4757147067491925,73.50450240691622,69.15915119363396,8.768209057864231,32.53060222025739,9.150863307647796,3.1264243835347294,1558,70,263,30,27,531,181,377,0.29100000000000004,0.562,0.14800000000000002,-0.9966,1,3,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,4,3,16,37,9,3,13,0,23,8,2,2,1,57,56,38,1,6,9,0,6,3,1,3,3,0,0,1,9,26,1,0,12,0,0,3,14,26,1,1,5,7,43,10,42,41,5,35,1,13,1,2,10,16,1,7,18,185,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955259635550537,0.0926239257840198,0.0,0.0,0.2976562482903513,0.0,0.0,0.12163279345267967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738377154377433,0.06253249163559563,0.0,0.0,0.07961287774911473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816157214827103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909477711310632,0.0,0.09933808858753364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664353734163186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23108131770550225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151061565942696,0.0,0.10059825146012884,0.07920964709132751,0.0,0.0,0.17720572463341933,0.0,0.0,0.08545550427549603,0.0,0.0,0.16861586844306106,0.0,0.18087674635952256,0.12777957382012214,0.17173627528812122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909445279328091,0.0826778583037845,0.0,0.1715814338264222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040270764107026,0.0,0.3531798420385172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894255793235134,0.0,0.049149140821713434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633603952542194,0.13107494662567604,0.0,0.0,0.079143946118911,0.07509982495071123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071530092731259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314846906384477,0.0,0.06897498399161969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060100921372425,0.0,0.09516128054743704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200044986109745,0.07808802069314055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899032255860174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839006814109174,0.0,0.09601582008854716,0.1013083059310223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884863602930179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059414226818714125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644444897376775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310120767808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040953978234858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862086470375617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705895531797198,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lowirks,2019/01/08,"I need help Idk what to do. I've had severe suicide thoughts since I was 12 . The last year I tried to better myself. I went to the gym twice a week, stopped playing computer games and surrounded myself with better people. Tomorrow is my 16th birthday. I still can't think of anything else then suicide. I won't because of my family, but it is ruining me. Sry for my horrible english.",1.70226666666667,4.324922426666667,3.3933333333333344,85.57666666666667,84.73333333333333,6.533333333333335,27.0,7.793537801064563,2.0458000000000007,302,14,56,6,9,100,58,75,0.22,0.6890000000000001,0.091,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,11,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,12,3,7,6,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,36,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867815844526705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836222292076647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40148295768267744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960899423342312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397240135700374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213696449730293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850154132075092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829953611254164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735630655039312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564178291400014,0.0,0.1877565670755708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126301242904924,0.18976177020514706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965489474349211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543680367706432,0.0,0.1801932780222295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410153764290555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206614045805208,0.0,0.0,0.2104086610595955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616484880311795
suicidewatch,ThrowawayTonight42,2019/01/08,"Suicidal again I was suicidal for nine months and then a couple months ago I finally wanted to live again. I've been happy for the first time in my life and was starting to do better.

But every time I start to do better my mom rips the rug out from under me and she did it again today. I think she is subconsciously trying to drive me to suicide. 

I am tired of the bullshit. I'm happy to be alive for the first time in my life but I am more determined than ever that I will find a peaceful way to end my life on my own terms.",0.9028733766233756,2.8177569821428565,2.9201948051948072,92.26116883116885,81.85714285714286,5.858441558441559,18.217532467532468,6.980632752743323,0.04740000000000055,410,9,92,5,11,138,68,112,0.105,0.743,0.152,0.6848,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,6,0,11,4,0,0,1,10,16,6,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,16,4,18,10,3,26,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,19,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069128234515973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26078665810076224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163132838126586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305827003263983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336242947192534,0.1242194438995462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615066626329522,0.13475194005423774,0.2508144492680694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138923177446012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31241083243467266,0.0,0.0,0.1301868603629254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267283567436165,0.23536071094571276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870898747456015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838063662742787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446970853934884,0.0,0.0,0.2579097287798262,0.16945361290176644,0.1397501256319746,0.0,0.0,0.10009795992846476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696035116626108,0.11702619030276153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CheesyNip,2019/01/08,"Hi. I'm not asking for help. What is the most painless way to die?

A lot of people hang themselves but that seems painful, I've thought about jumping off of a bridge.

I'm on 100mg of sertraline, how much of those would I need to take for it to kill me?",-0.14757575757575836,1.8182371818181864,1.286818181818184,102.1635606060606,86.27272727272728,4.393939393939394,20.075757575757574,5.46131890053228,-0.4888787878787886,195,6,49,1,6,62,44,55,0.249,0.722,0.029,-0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,9,9,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,12,7,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925851509121147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248139465973511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097775156247511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462554657109378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26607631018516914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300693136617817,0.2320636453024075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33302265680386545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697432418939452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28491657066364434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353148513203843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24846360199630174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484213994654184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223252494465003,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BaconDblCheesebrger,2019/01/08,"I still want to go I had about a month where I've not wanted to CTB, most likely due to the excitement of looking for a new job, getting a new job, escaping the one where I wasn't happy. I'm in the new one now, but now I've got the anxiety of a new workload, new processes I don't know...

I'd like to think that feeling will go away but I feel like I'll never have a working day where I don't have some feeling of dread for either part of or the whole day.

It would be so much easier to just get off the bus here. Last year's proposed deadline (no pun intended) is coming up, so if I get to the same really low point as before then I've got my time slot nearby. If I miss those few months, I've got to wait until 2020...",3.7378263888888914,2.85714651875,5.429583333333337,87.79930555555555,71.3125,8.861111111111112,25.902777777777786,8.167268648758528,1.2183194444444445,553,13,136,7,9,191,100,160,0.12,0.802,0.078,-0.8127,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,1,12,0,10,0,0,1,1,23,30,10,0,5,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,3,0,2,5,4,9,5,20,22,8,31,0,2,1,0,0,9,0,5,22,83,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668878011782027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874851862704795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754944417109093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887466753580044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163023496523543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917212836147562,0.09029376598746178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981022653826582,0.0,0.1436618524043409,0.0,0.3032593209181745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454558512868156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508471588048334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946119613903022,0.10302554597244294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524479623165052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613661975966013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017682038096841,0.0,0.0929119383678224,0.0,0.09748054211380493,0.6103461468097321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129164485243709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368691519504621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948036185503515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096932029276405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093602741717177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098625862328106,0.0,0.0,0.07369961694378573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490973900187012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111105396612236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201416383977544,0.0,0.0,0.08978455034012384,0.0,0.0,0.0813916694228674
suicidewatch,carbonatedfr00t,2019/01/08,"Never thought I'd post here... Well, here I am. I'm 17, obviously it's pointless to tell me things will change and get better. They're supposed to. But since I was 11 the only consistent thing in my life has been that I should die. Not that I want to, per se. It's obvious to me the older I get that I'm a waste of resources. I can't cook, I can't do laundry, I crashed my car the first day I got my license and haven't driven since. I want to go into music but I don't have the money to fix my instrument, nor do I live anywhere near a teacher. I have no college fund and I'm so tired all the time that I don't think I could get a job. I have insomnia so bad that I sleep around 4 nights a week and zombie out the rest of the time. Even if I can afford college by loans, I'll be in debt for the rest of my life. Nobody sticks around in my life, obviously I'm just too hard to be around.
Tl;dr, I'm a burden and I'm not going to amount to anything, so what's the point of putting myself through it?",0.3448654708520173,1.7691516816143498,2.622177130044843,96.12223430493276,81.51121076233184,5.536233183856503,20.11860986547085,6.2581,-0.14228950672645801,767,20,192,6,20,262,121,223,0.145,0.838,0.017,-0.9774,3,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,0,14,0,20,7,1,0,5,27,37,12,1,5,6,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,11,10,1,0,2,1,4,5,10,2,1,1,5,1,27,2,25,27,4,24,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,1,8,123,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257095207534703,0.4079697905091552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754929142517202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510494181979718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160118321110134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196745509784328,0.0,0.0,0.09851839065336053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585420950550698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008973874574833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299386702629322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943439794233484,0.0,0.17363551633935573,0.0,0.12217715394653725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684410522754206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159200306963855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32369943805677753,0.0,0.0,0.13489101262411313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781891977371847,0.0,0.0,0.14335611684498506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618184028593047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440879033580686,0.0,0.14630308309999554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535672835241896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527314256868575,0.0,0.1528716065261006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352009557641795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029756186336221,0.09788326265533456,0.0,0.12127539601695154,0.178152666527364,0.1755766240418775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020512660440424,0.0,0.1225358877294206,0.0,0.1373507403468074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrDongStrong,2019/01/08,"The thing I'm killing myself with arrives tomorrow Obviously I won't elaborate on what it is to avoid rule breaking. 

I've worked very hard to summon the strength to pull all of this off. It took a lot more steps than just buying stuff. I had to actively work to drive all my friends and acquaintances off. It hurts to make people that you love hate you. It hurts to be an asshole to those people. They just don't deserve to suffer, I hope they'll care less now.

I've only ever hurt people and don't deserve to live. It's not fair for me to be alive. I just want everyone to be happy, and that's only going to happen when I'm gone.

I'm not looking for support or advice. I just really needed to get my thoughts out there. Sorry for blogposting",2.1046778711484606,4.050507222222226,3.5571101774042937,89.02485294117649,78.08496732026144,6.462931839402429,22.693277310924373,7.447530270364453,0.8824532212885154,587,18,122,8,14,193,98,153,0.157,0.6729999999999999,0.17,0.5002,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,2,2,3,8,14,2,1,4,0,9,1,0,1,4,23,27,5,1,3,7,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,1,0,1,6,5,7,0,0,4,2,13,7,24,18,5,15,0,4,1,1,6,4,0,3,4,80,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167254022075172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825019926212447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403992232562614,0.0,0.14831286172063174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991733136060892,0.0,0.08109248950195108,0.0,0.08821123702518008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725451794417645,0.16522733490966812,0.13904053797534474,0.15324089863744794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541617268569114,0.0,0.0,0.4984768143379698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172040627831447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370560970244914,0.0,0.1303399944519704,0.0,0.0,0.1319567100326317,0.14008597066583986,0.0,0.10360601457724096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150886192422558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23609326173693476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228158639338577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943354877549826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374846710249592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768197669807614,0.0,0.1761340971561852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311675159032403,0.0,0.0,0.12322194132755487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172447573449624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280671431732988,0.09154876531703393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225994112711272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamesrhcp,2019/01/08,"blamed for suicide about 3 months ago I discovered my niece's were being abused physically & emotionally by their father who is my brother-in-law. my sister is already serving 16 years in prison for child abuse resulting in death. 

when I discovered the abuse I talk to my niece about it. we discussed a cycle of violence and how it works generation to generation. she decided she went to come forward at school and talk to the police officer about the abuse at home. I went to school with her and held her hand while we talked about all the abuse her and her sister were experiencing at home. that led to misdemeanor child abuse charges being filed  and the children were placed in my care by child protective Services. 

during the criminal case we asked the judge to order mandatory mental health counseling. they did. I thought this man would finally get the help that he needed even if he wasn't willing. 2 days after pleading guilty to the charge and receiving probation he attended my niece's birthday party, afterwards we invited him join us for birthday dinner. he did. he said goodbye and went home and took his own life. 

the police detective called me to say that the note he left behind blamed me for his suicide. I don't know why this was necessary info to give me. I know he had mental health issues and that's it's absolutely not my fault but I still feel absolutely crushed with grief and regret. the truth is even though I was angry about the abuse I loved him and hated seeing him suffer . Im desperate .please God....",5.311263858093128,7.171517505226483,5.409225530566998,79.51651171998735,69.06968641114983,8.98124802027241,28.724897054165343,9.457814108942452,2.630799303135888,1232,45,222,27,22,387,163,287,0.225,0.703,0.07200000000000001,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,7,2,27.0,5,0,2,1,11,8,1,0,14,0,17,6,1,3,2,36,36,17,4,4,3,3,2,0,0,2,3,2,3,5,10,18,1,2,6,0,0,9,3,5,0,0,16,6,38,3,32,16,2,28,0,3,1,1,46,9,0,1,11,134,48,4,0.0,0.695946699713991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743821458330205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259800857314968,0.0,0.0,0.09091766451383916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844557093871518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568263633663344,0.0,0.08555298021247876,0.0,0.0,0.07228200071766235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411573123213361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438871696369763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108450080327691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242798400976711,0.0,0.0,0.09192053147999137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384009740328668,0.08049519329909256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284485978533514,0.0,0.17838719546144935,0.0,0.0,0.05624385561600785,0.0,0.2525090880840611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090638409868791,0.0875814094995525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223071523998208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116967845507304,0.0,0.05926890628812674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573306278476774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912534766396353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697705619986123,0.0,0.0,0.062219032965671536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766926184246951,0.09210921278890072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981869149629865,0.06672949134152474,0.0,0.16984506844617864,0.06686629940403198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670115295994539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357029403137248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233374161795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244225031348336,0.06661605708740892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932283428887709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093474682368912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333593494275985,0.07571673513591637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061088295443150364,0.0,0.0,0.059608052809767026,0.0,0.0,0.054036010770833566
suicidewatch,awaythrowwo,2019/01/08,"Simpler existence  I made my first reddit a throwaway to be emotional on, so I might as well make sure this post counts and describes what I'm feeling in the most accurate way I can.

​

I'm 18, born female, lesbian. Grew up really well off, nonjudgmental parents, no reason to be sad really.  I know I can't blame all of my unhappiness on one event, but it feels like the downward spiral started when I was ten.  I've always loved and been fascinated with animals with all of my heart and soul, so when the dog I grew up with died I really had no idea what to do. We had to put her down and I stayed as close to her as I could until she had to be buried. I'd never felt loss like that before and was pretty much in a state of on and off hysteria for three years, developing weird rituals and habits and fears to avoid getting hurt like that again. I had a lot of pets since then and continued to lose them, which hurt each and every time, but I think losing my dog was the worst.

​

It makes me think though. There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to tell you the difference between me and my dog because I was around her so much. I didn't think about how I had hands and she had paws or how I could talk and she couldn't. Everything just was.

 I like to surround myself with animals, and even though I love people, I don't feel like one. I have one person who keeps me grounded in reality, my girlfriend, but I feel like without her I'd be deep in the alaskan wilderness doing gods know what.

​

I feel like I should've been born a simpler creature. I just want to drink from dirty puddles, eat whatever it is that's around me, be happy, be angry, and self preserve. I want to sleep in the rain and never have another coherent thought go through my head. 

​

I'm not violently suicidal or even as depressed as most people. I still feel, do my routine, and work hard. I just cannot seem to feel like I'm a person, and it's been that way ever since I was a kid. The older I get the more I feel like being self aware was a mistake. Anyone else feel like this?",4.0219987079060004,4.772789723653396,4.798783816522653,86.88297423887589,70.96721311475409,8.044221917144473,26.433739804570784,8.216663640201805,1.4445807801017525,1640,50,353,23,29,530,208,427,0.136,0.6940000000000001,0.171,0.9246,2,1,1,0,0,0,59.0,1,1,1,5,24,29,1,2,17,0,42,9,4,6,6,80,75,40,2,7,10,1,12,10,1,2,0,0,1,5,15,27,2,2,19,1,0,4,12,13,2,6,22,12,54,16,48,41,10,49,2,7,0,3,22,20,0,7,30,242,69,1,0.0641581736957487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338474011899864,0.2780614175773675,0.3118368140095677,0.0,0.06727543917420897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486088679990852,0.0657376308134875,0.0,0.11422875382387512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911022719028978,0.0,0.054593880342304585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102450162195895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055259340992255504,0.0,0.06658605502688772,0.06703163614087293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285058495000846,0.0,0.06564982879637314,0.053595921525762966,0.07216930995362192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475173727178972,0.058034741232568535,0.05405602845800985,0.0,0.05766122957481747,0.0,0.0,0.07219578244175558,0.29196270322196144,0.3208422847535649,0.06160190809311055,0.0,0.0,0.05457290977038562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703999545012622,0.0,0.036462568636987006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682975689155167,0.05747312168179242,0.0,0.06584479584539751,0.0,0.0,0.07602774473902454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736530378441886,0.07242676874275776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057026732670795666,0.0,0.0,0.07051930876397572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134444291321201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355317068057089,0.0,0.0545449849581225,0.11581051332550925,0.06070801523065916,0.08565215827659146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806168345907218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432727960090996,0.0,0.09896547756021876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130425716768476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124005928117064,0.0,0.0,0.08895839874638327,0.11204088515001086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061445795443259565,0.06527192792837185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449668517070838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330410680027755,0.0659652880879694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840719172012389,0.1338619350848517,0.0,0.0,0.1061446085467933,0.0,0.06420450796149713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541148556215869,0.06838407664302773,0.05123680038991647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017862873018461,0.0,0.0604683194274457,0.0,0.0,0.05156790974821703,0.05607707169605978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332990133217606,0.12607015981446568,0.050934423376879104,0.07482229405671338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568430625342884,0.1018515439250274,0.0,0.0,0.11537180647877188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061846189952934325,0.0,0.04670791457066584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118368140095677,0.04131576035171025
suicidewatch,meater3,2019/01/08,"6 months and unemployed Made a new account. i don't want to reveal too much personal information

I have always been a bright student. As far as i can remember. Getting grades was always effortless for me, i think i would qualify as smart.  I got into a top A'Levels school and then one of the top universities in country. 

I graduated with a GPA of 3.7. 7th in my class. i have given countless interviews and have received far greater rejections. I have really tried.  I know that if given the chance i will do an outstanding job, but no one is willing to take a chance on me. I don't know how longer i can take these rejections. I will be turning 23 this month with nothing to show for with my life. I legit spent entire 2 weeks preparing for my last interview. Day and night. And some person superman like comes along and gets the job. Most of my friends have their dream jobs. Even some of those that never studied in their life and just cheated to pass the semester. while i busted my ass off in college. Why is hardwork so over-valued everywhere ? it is all a lie folks.

I have had many dreams and expectations from myself. Not living up to those is the worst feeling ever. Makes me just want to pull the trigger and end it. What is the point of living if i am just going to be a failure in life ?",2.4915294117647018,4.79482803529412,3.658588235294122,86.99964705882354,78.45098039215686,7.060392156862744,24.70980392156863,8.109356740369918,1.5509498039215686,1019,37,203,19,25,330,155,255,0.118,0.773,0.108,-0.8644,5,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,2,8,8,1,0,15,0,26,4,1,4,3,43,45,19,0,6,7,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,2,9,15,0,0,7,3,2,5,5,4,0,2,8,2,29,4,32,31,7,31,0,2,1,1,9,14,1,5,13,145,38,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22987165204649024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189873859672176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908288834128357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234282021280952,0.0,0.0,0.09123403905802248,0.12494714607099346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984304334491814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671945307424993,0.0,0.14433520209106876,0.0,0.07850287246654453,0.0,0.1104757567667792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112202826292359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182606462649673,0.11259497439177425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926974416178665,0.06748369345693184,0.0,0.24394391617940325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307026289013325,0.0922033294556612,0.14004287150938854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050924871684016,0.0,0.10154197410429903,0.0,0.10653492820058362,0.13340751193600364,0.0,0.12962632525002776,0.0,0.13254015304733854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872019039903344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122083678570105,0.0,0.0,0.1305781799689366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849007747381082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564751809119018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979566498700768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077142245424161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850858910481264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378169301589714,0.15024656016709095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294615721353573,0.0,0.11080013317318324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464149163476887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812410165753667,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicideChick,2019/01/08,Is it possible to be too depressed to kill yourself? At least before I was able to make plans and act on them. Now I can't even think straight. I can't even move. I just sit on my ass all day watching it go from day to night. My depression is literally melting my brain. My speech comes out all slurred and muddled if it's not complete gibberish. I can't write properly anymore. I can't even think of ways to try and kill myself anymore. What is going on. ,1.1579787234042556,3.382536500000004,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,82.93617021276594,5.887659574468086,25.35744680851064,7.1686216300943375,1.0822119148936171,357,15,78,5,10,116,61,94,0.219,0.7809999999999999,0.0,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,2,0,0,0,9,2,2,1,2,14,15,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,5,5,4,0,0,1,2,12,0,12,13,3,17,0,2,1,1,2,6,1,1,4,51,16,0,0.18272328387658726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624247967890633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548405637320015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039796150244424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573999296344119,0.1915818866886459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568280356056115,0.0,0.3147585933117078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36206101708845856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076917061735878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043124818052851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196921085717452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420593345007692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714734239034638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059930478929532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341634045305745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240571154808386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503723767245166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CJSoftBoi,2019/01/08,"I just wrote my note Title says it all.
I wrote my final letter.

I'm giving myself one month.
If I don't change by then, I'll finally be able to rest peacefully
 ",-0.2335714285714268,1.8172604285714336,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,87.57142857142857,5.7857142857142865,14.464285714285715,7.1686216300943375,-0.18114285714285705,125,2,28,2,4,44,29,35,0.0,0.823,0.177,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,6,0,2,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,17,7,0,0.3232867389717414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419945035402701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7082896408251653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101260982285384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804439071184465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906746105381814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570905906099041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MGs551,2019/01/08,"Why am I even writing this. A few months ago I started getting this feeling of being completely unsatisfied with everything I do. I always wanted to help the world and do something for humanity when I was little, as in my mind... I would be doing at least something with my life. I am bad at social interactions and feel like a complete idiot no matter what I do or what I achieve (even if in the minds of my classmates, I am the weird nerd of our class) so the 'helping others' thing seemed like a nice alternative but the older I get the more I start to ask myself why I would want to do anything for a world like this. 

I sometimes stumble upon articles or videos that don't end up in regular media that make me feel sick of all of this. Only a few days ago I saw some African Children eat pieces of a raw dead cow and that is only one of the examples.

But I am getting a bit off topic. I feel empty. I lock myself into my room and mostly do nothing of worth with my time. I don't have a reason why I should use it anyway. I'm waiting for some lucky event to kill me as I am too much of a f#cking coward to kill myself. The fantasy of hurting myself in brutal ways also pops up a lot in my head and sometimes manages to become real. Stabbing or burning my arms, scratching my chest until I start to bleed. Whatever serves as punishment and then later can't be seen by the people around me. Whatever death occurs to me one day though, I hope that it would at least take a long time for the news of my death to reach my family as I don't want them to feel broken or sad by that news and would be scared that my mother would harm herself in any way as she would have nothing much left in this world (Her next big love after my father hung himself). The most f#cked up thing about it though is in my opinion that in that thought I mostly feel bad for all the money that they would then have wasted on me.

I don't know what to do any more. I feel trapped. I just want every day to end. This whole life to end. There are billions of people on this planet so one death wouldn't be much of a change anyway. I don't deserve the things that I have gotten and will never be able to repay for that. I am not a good person. Not a smart person. Why do I have this chance while others have to suffer?

Now I am here, simply writing what comes out of my mind. I guess I just want to be heard for once. I just hope that whoever reads this will have a better time than me and will be able find true happiness in his/her life. That they will enjoy their time on this planet.",3.6336016771488464,4.288858475471699,4.645628930817613,87.97760482180294,71.79245283018868,7.09643605870021,23.967505241090144,6.937597516519254,0.7229706498951782,1992,49,429,16,36,651,241,530,0.193,0.7090000000000001,0.099,-0.9968,0,1,2,0,0,3,44.0,1,0,4,2,19,28,5,1,28,0,53,10,3,3,4,81,89,31,6,17,12,2,8,3,0,13,5,1,1,4,35,16,1,1,12,3,2,1,11,14,0,4,6,11,69,14,75,62,20,63,0,3,2,1,24,31,0,17,32,323,104,4,0.14138320611068547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532768164260788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653204942318486,0.05882107672829452,0.0,0.0,0.09614542839198703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817316599960659,0.06293051420943828,0.06608710619178891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804907152195784,0.0,0.0780733216174439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252097821026245,0.07717692157176392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478234266049193,0.06089455656986709,0.14823760167899142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677070740086694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233515810366556,0.0,0.0,0.187835333782824,0.0,0.0,0.09338227421933384,0.0,0.059560724477965524,0.0,0.06353305460526358,0.0,0.06664175196901997,0.0,0.25020658984855715,0.05050209534758703,0.0,0.0,0.06461084450621261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080033472429572,0.0,0.0,0.059292762702431535,0.0,0.0,0.07787477060725899,0.0,0.0,0.07525252595742984,0.0,0.0,0.07254997926275687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476618282591424,0.0,0.0,0.1404254248642863,0.0,0.0,0.07567682314925492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641956989676187,0.0,0.038850256294081925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680663356046886,0.0,0.14979470951118445,0.10360903944613647,0.07085155761192867,0.0,0.06255984416896081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009947296200449,0.06380193174190105,0.0,0.04718719396873517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413510152537774,0.0,0.056425363121541436,0.0,0.15589938637732076,0.0,0.054521722275372296,0.0,0.07518132182810833,0.0,0.0,0.1356609993893579,0.0,0.0,0.07528425012959998,0.14370737923010127,0.10752829921844463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801731331131902,0.12345036217136955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071073320708622,0.08046252063845978,0.0,0.07268274161075533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077462690826028,0.0,0.0,0.06435498043065231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206118691143053,0.0,0.10884369942249948,0.13983160600268724,0.0,0.15010764147076716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315128781906801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089307976683912,0.0,0.13890828216200252,0.05612123649725547,0.16488336891353245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105484787617381,0.0,0.0,0.20847869519160372,0.11222340816410954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551527055278676,0.0789246502686042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515210059853697,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lboogie1126,2019/01/08,"Why is living so expensive I'm at the end of my rope here. I can't seem to catch a break. I'm broke, just lost my job and my apartment. I had to move back with my dad. I have all my bills coming up and no way to pay for them. I have tried everything I can, applying for credit card, for a loan from every conceivable source, trying to fill out surveys online and I keep getting denied for everything. If I cant even afford to live then why should I?",0.9280208333333312,2.678599927083333,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,80.97916666666666,6.3500000000000005,19.0,7.3871296695380915,0.2721125000000004,347,8,80,5,9,117,68,96,0.127,0.8440000000000001,0.029,-0.7906,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,12,15,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,5,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,14,1,15,12,1,13,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,52,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965545269674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005836382378888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541799364884624,0.0,0.0,0.14572798660507355,0.0,0.1858953325237479,0.0,0.3965867915681312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152731952576986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894716949016607,0.19611140024493628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896512323297748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408502400006285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345011337814704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085871338152064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995947005027403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513057438827198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981793157669213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChangeMyEmotions,2019/01/08,"fuck everyone. even my parents snitch on me. fuck u mom. fuck you dad. big fucks to you. i didnt think you were a bitch like this. fake bitch. fake. i will fucking as ""where the fuck where u when i needed u?"" when im at the top. and fuck you mom and your nonstop talking yapping bitching mouth. her mouth never fucking stops talking. she would be the best rapper. she can talk faster than ski mask, joey trap etc. also, she got the long talk stamina. she can call me on facetime and talk for str8 40mins. fuck me.shite. tired of fucking fake people. fuckalsdfcx.,m i wanna fucking go scraem. even my dad wishes the worst on me. fuck you. just found it out. fake person. fuck i wanna scream as loud as i can punch the steering wheel and listen to loud ""foot fungus"" with a fucking max bass and fucking to die. ",0.05297532656022952,2.36270569811321,0.8956289308176117,99.53354499274313,98.93710691823898,2.9492985002418965,17.436139332365748,4.713530739802397,-0.8349605224963716,622,18,131,2,26,190,96,159,0.343,0.588,0.069,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,6,0,2,8,26,18,0,8,0,8,19,3,0,1,17,30,11,1,5,1,5,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,24,0,0,4,4,22,2,17,23,3,16,0,0,0,15,24,9,18,0,7,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052168177083437565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845980750551342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661193650154358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770333372537927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275394994140122,0.0861738264866514,0.0,0.0,0.06233456463948602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715264966087816,0.0,0.9046266264037456,0.0,0.0,0.03707439120575071,0.0,0.052174159956611066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046468527252148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03187038604603276,0.0,0.0,0.057730668925300425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280421682323522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837071372096394,0.05031303290039797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243542970343078,0.0,0.0,0.04522553675517888,0.0569604358985902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696249630134232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054539141781345064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262165959658818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179977056176257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497770713673031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501670147642266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046340869031444964,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicidalIdiotPerson,2019/01/08,"why do women have to make life harder for men? Every fucking day I have to wade through their stares, comments, condenscending giggles, whispers, and lies. They would never, *never*, do this if they knew how it felt. All it takes is a bit of empathy, but humans are shallow creatures, no one cares unless your attractive and have a girlfriend........ the more girlfiriends the better and more people value you.

What's so funny to society about suicidal depressed men who didn't hit the genetic lottery? Why are we the laughing stock? I cannot beleive how many people get off on this, get off on so much suffering. It's just entertainment, isn't it? All it is... I just want to take a shotgun and blow my fucking face off, maybe then people would finally be happy they don't have to look at it? Right?",4.382200000000001,6.253194753333336,4.782333333333336,83.03950000000003,71.46666666666667,7.4,28.5,8.07648339933343,1.966,623,24,114,9,12,197,101,150,0.111,0.6809999999999999,0.208,0.956,0,1,0,1,0,0,34.0,1,2,4,1,7,11,2,0,7,0,17,4,1,3,4,22,30,12,1,4,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,4,10,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,4,11,7,16,23,6,12,0,2,2,2,14,7,2,1,5,83,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201522691962374,0.18765009092202506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524465374117704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084935391114048,0.0,0.14804129185274512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481758453243354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650332032728414,0.1882877916223245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178033708421863,0.17960198862360247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829710624683707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140499295623668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433717810698096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147322419481937,0.17426087226992693,0.1726780782489279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635268606470426,0.0,0.26513123182000936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647135883585405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574829893486756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467858695527804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801047336280666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846700772060555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138016731240676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101926548520322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24419938496332516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rurunyan,2019/01/08,"Too young I feel guilty having these thoughts since im young and should be happy and enjoying my time at school, and there isnt even anything i would be sad over. I dont know why im stressed over everything even if its small",4.441631205673758,4.829224510638298,4.07744680851064,93.73333333333336,69.85106382978725,7.9687943262411345,26.30496453900709,7.793537801064563,1.0255304964539005,180,5,42,2,3,54,35,47,0.165,0.6940000000000001,0.141,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,2,3,5,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040065918292994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29054551925244404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32748087839819784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280310373020176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534938396211434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639019397229466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355648685897082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624337341900972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508954313482181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507148740009945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839769843029473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968107114391643,0.1445567452079636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236977864120251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610623915492732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Heartbroken_Cupid69,2019/01/08,"I broke down in front of my family, nobody fucking cared. I broke down in front of my family and nobody fucking cared.

""Its just the hormones, you are deep in puberty.""

""Here comes the drama queen, believe me I went through that too and I realized I was just overreacting.""

""Trust me, you're gonna want to clean yourself up, you look ugly.""

It fucking hurts, Its my birthday in four days, I never asked for anything except just to go to a mall so I can go to a meet-and-greet of my idol. That's all I ever wanted. They said I can just watch the livestream, they said that I could just stay at the house so that I wouldn't waste money, then I broke down, then I was 'overreacting'.

Fuck this life, I kept it fucking togther at the funeral, I try my best in my academics, I fucking lost my friends because I have to go to a lower level school so my older brother gets to stay in the private school. Its so unfair. Why did my father have to die? Why did I have to be the one to adjust even on my birthday? Why am I not a priority?

I mean, its my family, why can't they just love me as they have loved my siblings? What the fuck am I missing??

I told myself that I should just commit suicide to hurt them back, atleast if they didn't even hurt that much, they'd still be fucking themselves over the funeral costs right?
",2.4640061058344607,3.99534862313433,3.646729986431481,90.6144843962008,75.82835820895522,6.365264586160108,24.122116689280872,6.980632752743323,0.7481432835820896,1013,32,220,10,22,329,137,268,0.188,0.7090000000000001,0.103,-0.9765,1,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,0,2,7,3,18,23,8,0,13,0,21,11,0,0,4,26,51,10,4,6,10,2,0,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,14,3,0,1,3,2,2,7,5,16,0,2,11,4,48,7,32,33,3,34,0,8,2,10,18,17,8,1,8,157,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148761746280939,0.0,0.08121286998020044,0.0,0.0,0.06679861090173922,0.0,0.05295589333631595,0.0,0.0,0.09787412394095288,0.09116599263390412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771420100656226,0.0,0.0,0.07483186948538273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935960554687186,0.0,0.0,0.05602475438507811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901586178605833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475525154061668,0.07857999779852022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456833828768203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671164940643703,0.6424883922537316,0.04538663034416507,0.0,0.1481127598247079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023773177289888,0.2789923338948683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135971633129855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294995114325321,0.0,0.09483020564125384,0.0,0.15680934710633224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462823278026733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386034697454833,0.0,0.06700044528196568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886619128971957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418755273474041,0.16526885933542046,0.0,0.0,0.17583663800820404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518633762934164,0.0693754736616866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502302196923236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300917966068391,0.0,0.058979860384674274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247780023596308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053049724771848,0.3135510796765024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soothoughts,2019/01/08,"Suicide. Tonight. Ahh Soothing thoughts. Everything going away. Finally after tonight.

My mind free and liberated",7.2802083333333325,7.2805999375,5.362500000000002,61.36583333333334,143.375,8.566666666666668,52.66666666666666,7.1686216300943375,7.844616666666668,93,8,9,3,6,27,15,16,0.195,0.563,0.242,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38166811323442057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650949141920529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450070394064524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308708722638222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101782765032117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443516141312496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225026429253393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgentDennis,2019/01/08,"I probably should? Idk? I feel like such a failure in life. Dont have many friends, not doing so well in school, too socially awkward, etc. i dont know what to do, i did so bad this prior semester in college and before that i did i did bad as well. I was supposed to transfer to am actual school after my stint in community college but it all seems for nothing. Ive never been a good student and I made the mistake of choosing a major i dont even care that much about. I don’t know what to do. Im just buying time and wasting my days at my shitty job and just feeling sorry for myself. Only thing that’s really stopping me from ending it is my mom and i dont know if i could ever hurt her like that",0.06336470588234988,2.170230560000004,2.7191764705882377,91.28311764705882,86.73333333333332,5.129411764705883,20.823529411764707,6.522977012572876,0.3582941176470591,544,18,118,6,17,189,96,150,0.245,0.688,0.067,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,0,1,4,0,19,1,0,1,3,25,27,10,0,4,5,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,7,0,1,0,7,5,2,0,6,2,20,7,16,19,4,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,10,90,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.12438127125991184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284532325072708,0.0,0.0,0.10845793644887768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995260401143274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017653728856612,0.0,0.0,0.0822002947662696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5975224261672049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289054577464958,0.0,0.14215010405535186,0.0841852463803796,0.11529365996634475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288938618229561,0.091056496002146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847424868388614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690628127032972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644713743297154,0.0,0.13767723060788126,0.0,0.12648305817720426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014384745286266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002782474582009,0.12453973142012847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060447098724004,0.0,0.12922308124861018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927804840159506,0.0,0.0,0.09369678462316043,0.0,0.09830398030474503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230002699417115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693805851532533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374219989022441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165328479663074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25798994807969944,0.0,0.11603358193298925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992805808846666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267954067826674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656115146397056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467787370154599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432217276808882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920129466178624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hishose_56,2019/01/08,"Suicidal Reddit post I've got so much to live for, life is really charitable to a guy like me. I am grateful for it being better for me then it was for others, I am grateful for life giving me what it could. Whoever I am will always want something more, whatever I am inside will never be satisfied with the comfort and joy of life. I don't want good people to find a bloody mess, don't want good people to be hurt by all this. I don't want anything to end, and I don't expect it too, I just feel like leaving this body for something new. I knew a person who killed himself, it ends quickly, and brings peace where chaos is. I want to be free, I don't want to end something, I dont want it too finnaly stop, I just want freedom from this place, and these circumstances. I'm sorry to the good people, I'm sorry this didn't work out differently, although I don't believe it could have, I am who I am, flaws and all, and you all are you too, we will never understand each other more than that, we will never be able to communicate anything about the entire universe within us that is closed off from the entire world, leaving us empirically alone in a world we never asked for. ",5.2165511057979685,5.0751840711297085,6.077062163777647,81.8991317991632,68.1213389121339,8.669575612671848,28.368499701135693,8.192908349453996,1.735577166766288,919,27,190,11,14,304,119,239,0.146,0.672,0.182,0.6301,1,1,3,0,0,0,28.0,5,2,0,2,9,13,1,0,8,0,31,4,1,0,7,38,48,9,2,11,2,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,2,19,13,0,1,4,0,2,1,12,3,0,0,4,1,27,11,27,33,7,22,0,1,0,0,14,9,0,0,13,139,46,1,0.09728131489992327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075410372679586,0.0,0.0,0.0809458470403904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601084665148368,0.0,0.09094489741921603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960272877901844,0.0,0.08603741754678045,0.0,0.10805761035122076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534242818990154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016382687980009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401297654928222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584871111319079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918835578986235,0.06949779080223101,0.0,0.0,0.08891335941891343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332110162146832,0.0,0.2447848543719958,0.07780475434271038,0.0,0.0,0.09632379629746513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414165962037933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076273615108478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060137323320322,0.0,0.0,0.20613800899226767,0.09505347318216747,0.0,0.08590118333294193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151295978299704,0.0,0.3001173890146089,0.09395490012858844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232784467522855,0.08494229185537566,0.1016382687980009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316860863494454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062320901355324414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467572683498185,0.0,0.2177969349838126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133153522526652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640996910419027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127327962065602,0.23403488778445736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45903231999946503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708219558620127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hman278,2019/01/08,"Give me some advise please Guys I don't know where to begin from. I live in a pretty shitty, for the most part homophobic, sexist, racist and overall brainwashed country that I can't live in anymore. In a year my mandatory army service will begin and that's the time when I plan to kill myself if I cant escape the shithole that I'm currently in. My actual rights are violated and I can't be myself because of how people would treat me if they knew who I am. I am a bisexual guy that is really afraid to talk about it. And yes, my family members too are the same brainwashed people. After hearing what they were saying about LGBT community I really don't know what to do. I saw the threats they were getting on social media. I can't handle this anymore. I feel pressed because how things work here and in my family. No free speech. it's not only about my orientation. What do I do? I'm very tired and nervous so I can't express myself well, sorry for that and thanks for the attention.",3.7245454545454564,5.12078478787879,5.231737373737374,81.06427272727272,72.33333333333334,7.906262626262626,25.826262626262626,8.447377352677275,1.7463329292929288,780,25,151,13,15,263,114,198,0.153,0.755,0.091,-0.9098,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,3,2,11,9,3,2,9,1,20,1,0,2,0,21,33,13,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,13,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,9,5,1,0,4,6,27,5,19,26,4,15,0,0,1,0,13,8,0,4,7,111,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.15456089940433046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141506943601176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310003524991626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986225385248947,0.0,0.08008420805341311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274961828774334,0.15193731113833375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136520755495807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851139072784966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522952074871054,0.0,0.17408849278564553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797136894536135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045891924781504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151550575240432,0.0,0.21960841406167556,0.0,0.0,0.17385915293369408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113447158557925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029309559171993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525991297326684,0.0,0.12595409828246587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614535477294472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772990250899394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730385254087073,0.0,0.14581961577072933,0.0,0.0,0.10522394719385283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235555926032901,0.1820402424786322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068420118656335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240712403371428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530615644550575,0.0,0.0,0.11251215004175784,0.0,0.0,0.1019947383771926
suicidewatch,90smusicrocksmyworld,2019/01/08,"I'm tired of this all. I feel like, on paper, I have the idyllic life. SAHM, husband, house in the burbs, two kids. Every day fucking sucks though. My kids' screaming makes me so anxious. I can barely let my husband touch me because I hate feeling overtly sexualized and I just don't want to be groped. I tried to make a counseling appointment a few times to talk to someone, but I don't have anyone to watch my kids and my husband works all the time. He knows something is off, but doesn't care as long as I'm a stepford wife.

​

It's been a while since I was last suicidal; I reached out to the only friend who stood by me then, and I got rejected, hard. I want to end it all and just let it all fade away. But I can't without some planning to make sure everything's all lined up after I'm gone. What is wrong with me?",2.793117173524152,3.944018982558145,3.7711627906976766,91.59065295169948,74.29069767441861,6.6876565295169925,26.602862254025048,7.010146845296331,1.0088706618962426,643,23,144,6,13,207,110,172,0.185,0.747,0.068,-0.9601,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,3,0,8,0,14,3,0,3,6,27,32,13,1,2,6,4,4,1,1,0,2,1,0,3,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,6,20,4,21,24,7,17,0,1,1,1,11,6,2,1,11,90,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575608085582558,0.185890040434722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282626947901672,0.0,0.1069686667709043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373175299590385,0.0,0.0,0.0932564904102832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559754837674906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866082207072402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549676533167354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288940479681995,0.0,0.13749047983603038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547047295083595,0.10929046879936163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181936190809846,0.14142951996487044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235378964968502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704194544535453,0.15103818768878852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652084561129214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840749813276497,0.12470085940597495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128691986171395,0.10805580714664842,0.07473934441059346,0.0,0.0,0.13538437663195724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30635029188442664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634980835843027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126548404089876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962126771160246,0.1177731226186652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733762719762904,0.0,0.14418385307185294,0.0,0.0,0.12296124636440188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030417226366252,0.0,0.17841022794947312,0.17583046119098578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386482859295412,0.0,0.14944131807246008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046565533846307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746932029303916,0.0,0.11137281729534623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726195059681434,0.185890040434722,0.0
suicidewatch,STYM25,2019/01/08,"The current situation of my life lately My life has been up and down lately and if we look at the recent events it is mostly down , I got into a good college for undergrad degree in engineering and then things went south and I failed in my first year at college . It happened because I completely screwed up during college and made bad decisions while making friends . They got me into alcohol and weed . As the news reached my home , all hell broke loose . My mom was crying all around the house telling everyone on phone that I have failed . This is the thing I hate most about my parents they have never acknowledged my achievements whatever little I have had till now and are the first one to broadcast my failiures to the world ,

 I returned to my home thinking it would be better if I attempt the first year again and just go there for giving exams . My college has this option that if you fail any year then you can apply for the same year and only come to give theory exams and practical exams . I thought this would be a better option than taking re-admission and going through everything all over again . I was also ashamed of myself and was not ready to face the world at that time . This was a major reason why I decided against re-admission , I was so wrong . 

Well , I came back home and started preparations again . But my parents didn't want to me take a minute of rest . According to them I should study for the entire 24 hours as I have failed and I deserve no enjoyment in life . When everything was going good , they used to take me movies and we used to go eating out every now and then . But now everything has changed , I don't know which one was the last movie I saw . It doesn't concern me even because I am not a movie person . They say they won't buy those expensive clothes for me or any gadgets anymore as I have failed . To be honest , I don't even care about fancy clothes or movies or gadgets . The only thing that concerns me and hits me hard is that I was only good till I was giving them results . Is my value only worth the marks I get ? I realized this on the shopping mall while shopping with my family the other day and I almost broke down to see what I have done to my life . 

Constant humiliations , comparisons and scolding is normal everyday . They tell me I am a worthless piece of shit and I wont be able to do anything in life and they were better off if I was not born . I wake up and go to sleep hearing the same things everyday . I try to fight back and say stuff when I cant take it at some point but its of no use . To them even a street dog is better compared to me . They take away my each and everything that I have because it "" distracts "" me and they think their constant judgemental talks about me is some sort of "" motivation "" . For starters , they took away my mobile and laptop as they were the "" prime "" cause of distraction . I tried reading books to pass some time and take a break and had to hide them in between books so that my parents don't see it . But one day my mom caught that as well and took it away from me . I had to fight to keep my headphones with me as they are wireless and I can listen to them with my phone being in their room . But that also after a lot of assurance that it wont distract me and I only use it to listen podcasts . I have trouble sleeping at night so I keep my headphones on but whenever they see me doing that they take it away from me , And yes by the way I sleep in my parents bedroom because my mom thinks I will commit suicide . I haven't done any suicide attempts in the past to make it clear to the people reading this . 

My parents have this fear that I will commit suicide and only try to comfort me when I say it bluntly that I will commit suicide . I have to cry to make them understand my situation because they don't care till I cry . Other than that they try to say the most demeaning thing they can come up with . They have even said that I should become a janitor with all seriousness and told my father to look out for any jobs if there were nearby . They have made my apply for another degree side by side just as a backup if I fail again . I dont know how I will study for two entirely different degree courses at a time but my parents dont care . They just want me to get a job and start earning asap .My mom says that she will get me married because according to her I use the phone to only watch porn and this will solve the problem . Yes , this kind of stuff I have to hear on a daily basis and sometimes even worse . This is nothing . I live in India and I have no other options other than to live with my parents till I get a job and start earning on my own , we don't have that culture of working while being students unlike in other western countries . My sister warned me about all this few years back and she always used to tell me to study hard and get out this house . She used to tell me how happy the life is and what it feels to be independent . I didn't understand her words back then as I was small but I guess it all makes sense . I truly enjoyed my first year at college . Living with new friends and all sorts of independence was really a great experience . It's sad that I let things out of my hand and now I am here . And I don't think I will ever be able to get all that back as my parents have said that they will buy a house or take on rent in the same city where the college is so that I go college and come to home straight after college ends . 

Things at college are also not very good . All the friends I made back when I met them , only a few have them have remained with me . The list of friends is decreasing day by day . My phone remains silent all the time with no unreads . I don't care but it still hurts somewhere deep down there ,  I also joined an online psychiatrist website but sadly it was of no use . One of the department's professor in my college said bad things about my community as I come from minority community in India . They also made fun of my handicapped friend who also failed an year and they said that he is good for nothing , why is he even here ? I found 3 people here who got failed the same year and we all have different struggles but one thing unites is that no matter what we are still fighting . One is a girl and other two are boys . Me and the boys became friends and we share our stories and try to comfort each other in this sad time . Friends have been supportive and don't bring up the topic and situation when we meet . Some of them even comfort us and tell us that we have been so strong despite all that is happening around us . I don't want any sympathies and I am only doing this to correct my past but still I appreciate them for doing that . I came back home after giving the exams and the first thing my mom asked that how were the exams . She used to ask everyday while I was back at college and now the first thing when I set foot in my house I have to hear it again . She didnt ask if I ate anything that day or not because I clearly didnt eat anything that day . All this hurts . I am just some worth some numbers and grades to her . 

I have been getting negative vibes recently and I am doing my best to fight those . Every day seems like a gloomy day and there is a defeaning silence in the house everytime . The only time the silence breaks is when my parents are on a call , talking between themselves or are saying stuff to me . But I dont know for how long I will keep doing this . I know suicide is not an option but I dont know how much long I have till it becomes my only option . 

PS : I have missed out on a lot things I had to tell but everything is not possible to describe what I am going through since the last 2 years . 

​

​

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suicidewatch,kimikokat,2019/01/08,"I lost the only person that was there for me because I'm so depressed, and now I don't want to fight this anymore I'm in college and my depression got worse the point I failed all my classes. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because one of my friends and I got a lot closer, I loved him. I still love him. But somehow his support didnt help, I still knew I needed to die because I had been avoiding all my responsibilities and everything is crumbling now. 

He left me because he said he didn't think we were good for each other, that I'm too messed up. He still wants to be friends but I dont know how I can talk to him again. He still wants to support me but I cant even look at him without wanting to hug him. I know that part of me, that part of my life is gone forever. 

And now I'm done. I've been ""done"" before, but I always got scared and never did it in the end. Classes have started, everything is a mess, I'm completely alone, I'm really done this time. Everyone always leaves me, I'll be doing them all a favor by just getting rid of myself. My will to live is completely gone, I couldn't even move at all yesturday, I stayed in bed in the same spot for hours.

The only thing stopping me now is the fear of what comes after death, I'm from a religious house so that fear of hell has been ingrained into me, but I'm not actually religious myself. So I don't know.

Another part, a tiny little part wants to still be alive, but that can't happen anymore too much has gone wrong. If I stay alive I'll be living hell on earth from all the consequences of my actions, so that tiny spark is fleeting quickly.

I just need the courage to do it, I need to stop thinking about what's coming next, because whatever it is I deserve it.",4.054966555183944,4.266037258241759,5.137668418537988,86.41602723363594,70.64835164835166,7.978786430960344,28.188724319159107,7.7425588080867325,1.4948580028666991,1358,45,298,15,23,449,171,364,0.17800000000000002,0.728,0.094,-0.9874,0,2,0,0,1,1,39.0,1,0,1,2,25,25,4,4,14,0,38,4,0,2,6,51,78,18,3,10,11,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,17,11,0,3,7,0,0,7,12,15,0,1,23,2,47,10,35,49,13,42,2,4,1,3,22,13,2,3,20,204,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.07600340374330769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066418114632404,0.0,0.0,0.1296112064360941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166800864301793,0.0,0.0,0.15447970445119902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23738636353870646,0.0,0.06627342082607285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341800827426012,0.16331947204534214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416249356847282,0.0,0.08083114111464698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391066609561409,0.09127929338085104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898197487774359,0.0,0.0,0.10288309815563076,0.0,0.0,0.0744213573164953,0.13999396668639005,0.0,0.0,0.17528197085937675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034574024252642,0.0,0.04069109763573065,0.0,0.0,0.06532527908567254,0.1868724915274045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887243226732179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220390363706938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669990477624994,0.08986750722461552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861669417332429,0.0,0.12840878309369438,0.0,0.0,0.0824677527206357,0.08462103204988375,0.0,0.055011667295071516,0.0,0.07806007957298372,0.13754573474924756,0.0,0.06540281933209255,0.0,0.08501942372244778,0.06621406500904657,0.14058643272069338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277820796985387,0.05725359195182141,0.1732496660705694,0.06006882731615683,0.0,0.08283035916370844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277611312075565,0.17770253491066978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373624838410422,0.0,0.0,0.06800517461586718,0.0,0.0,0.07362541352676417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989438931201684,0.08007757041551558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408537757009312,0.0,0.07797532184778518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512659063851092,0.16602764488436367,0.31099072027228297,0.1302287737700303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676334241017871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260008928539669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051742569905198266,0.09980965388034202,0.0,0.0,0.045414699872049887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296895662486962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507725311959447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937029802254328,0.0,0.08515376471038688,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,satansmixtape_,2019/01/08,Anyone else happy about suicide? I just hate this world. It's not a miracle it's a curse. All I'm afraid of is reincarnation. I really don't want to be back here. I'm going to kill myself soon. The thought of oblivion is just too appealing.,-0.5012000000000008,1.6910679799999997,2.1875,90.51125,99.2,5.7,18.25,7.1686216300943375,0.6583999999999999,189,6,40,4,8,65,39,50,0.301,0.586,0.113,-0.8984,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220072214972956,0.340259108460942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553519525304892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27741341222411536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887308828001084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535093921345807,0.0,0.3278640120722016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674015348231469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127413929700428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632457901090768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636374520000686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587163586212594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,igotmypermitlol,2019/01/08,"A sense of tranquility and peace is setting in, and I’m scared I think my brain is slowly starting to see the positive effects of suicide and a way of finding the light and I’m scared I won’t be able to come back from this.",0.7381250000000001,2.7991382291666684,2.65816666666667,93.1035,83.375,5.506666666666668,24.18333333333333,6.742157984588678,0.7028283333333336,177,7,40,2,5,59,34,48,0.187,0.634,0.179,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,8,10,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,7,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,24,4,0,0.29114403318382986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387179026970916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32501302814594685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507948049333712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661003718111373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5829719354085117,0.0,0.23200409990246515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607324519762973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184643177143684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186553340583388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310965819020609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jamie9898,2019/01/08,Slowly slipping down again I can feel it happening yet I can do nothing to stop it. Life just keeps throwing shit to fuck me over and I’m just getting tired of it. The fear of what would happen to the people I care about it all that’s keeping me here anymore but I just don’t know what to ,1.0573118279569904,2.9585887096774215,2.3335483870967764,96.73698924731184,81.25806451612901,4.778494623655916,21.623655913978496,5.46131890053228,-0.11339569892473067,228,7,52,1,6,73,44,62,0.141,0.8009999999999999,0.058,-0.6194,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,1,2,0,5,4,1,0,1,12,15,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,9,14,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423819035901784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491849421457869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27502109686748666,0.12357739864325727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594644939641506,0.12769037510992792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322491759585837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344728747151947,0.0,0.0,0.13431738663025122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262892476417474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23451107719464864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943812762569085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250875960983314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433168357443504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809050643154657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361673613163378,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qwerty722,2019/01/08,"i should go everybody would be better off without me. i should just kill myself so i'm not a burden on everybody else. i'm a waste of space and a waste of time and everything that i used to love just leaves me empty and everything that i used to hate just leaves me empty too. i have no future. i have no redeeming qualities. i have no motivation, no passion, no desire to keep going. i'm hardly living now, might as well just make my death official.",1.3906593406593402,3.7564993296703295,3.5194395604395616,86.03806043956044,83.17582417582419,7.156483516483518,20.089010989010987,8.238735603445708,1.2215749450549451,353,10,71,8,10,120,54,91,0.292,0.529,0.179,-0.8893,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,2,0,3,0,8,2,0,4,0,19,19,5,2,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,3,1,0,0,1,12,4,9,14,0,8,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,3,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843732376500013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741484836923378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747156653874625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369546360577736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674661632859926,0.2058192504172545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529617071279547,0.2306392458919718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414755802004995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408129556479808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815074652251354,0.0,0.13915418435033786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115188310080194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215595206259807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600992914506485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874380044894464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095596634670396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808987280475894,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catsc4n,2019/01/08,"I need help. My depression has gotten out of control. I’m thinking about suicide and I don’t understand why. 

My life is easy. I have a trust fund that pays my rent, my utilities, my medical bills. I only have to work part time to keep getting these things. But lately I’ve been missing a lot of shifts. My boss has been understanding but I don’t know how much longer she’ll allow it. I know my family loves me but they aren’t very good at being supportive. I know how much it would hurt them if I died so it keeps me from doing it but for how much longer? I love them and I don’t want to hurt them and I feel like that’s the only reason I’m still living. It feels like I’m living for them and not myself. I’ll do really well for a while and then I lose control again. It seems like it’s similar to drug/alcohol addiction. When you stop, you stop. But when you start again, you’re right back to where you left off. Everyone tells me I will have these issues for the rest of my life and I don’t want that. I want stability. Going back and forth between being miserable and slightly less miserable is exhausting. I don’t want to do it anymore. I do everything I’m supposed to do. I take my medication. I go to therapy. I’m in a program where I have people that visit me once or twice a week to see how I’m doing. I realize that there is so much more I could be doing but I have zero motivation. I don’t bathe enough or brush my teeth. I wear sweatpants and t-shirts/sweatshirts at all times.  I don’t have any friends. If I’m not at work, I sit at home and stare at Facebook all day. I like to read or play video games or watch tv and as soon as I wake up I tell myself that I’ll do one of things but I don’t. I just stare at my phone. I don’t know how to make friends. I’ve spent so much time alone for so long that I am extremely socially awkward and spending too much time with other people makes me uncomfortable. It’s physical this time. I’m always nauseous or I have a headache. I’m always so tired. I have past trauma. I was sexually abused by my mom’s father when I was 10. And it was around Christmas so it’s been hard for me lately. I’m 27 now and I feel like I should have gotten over it but I haven’t completely. All the sexual assault/abuse stories that have come out lately have really triggered me. Not to mention the horrible things that are happening in this country (US) and every where else on this planet. I hate to see misery and suffering. It seems like I’ll do great for a while and then it’s like a switch is flipped and I’m miserable again. I haven’t had a boyfriend in six years and that relationship didn’t last long. Guys run away. I am too fucked up. I have no self esteem. I look in the mirror and I see this fat, dumb, ugly girl. All my siblings went to the state university and have degrees and good jobs. I work part time at fucking petco. I am not successful. I live off of my trust fund. I tried going to community college but I couldn’t keep up. I took an elementary algebra class and it made me feel so stupid, I didn’t understand any of it. I was drinking and doing drugs and skipping class in high school. I didn’t learn a thing. I don’t have any goals or plans for the future. I feel like no guy will ever love me for me. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about a romantic relationship in my state but my siblings are all married and one of them has a kid. I don’t want kids and I don’t necessarily want to get married but I feel alone. I feel unwanted. I feel like if I tell anyone about the thoughts going through my head all I will hear is “maybe you should go to the hospital”. I’ve been hospitalized and I hated it. When I go all I want to do is leave. They add medication that I don’t even need and I tell them what they want to hear so they’ll let me go. They make you go to “groups” and they make me feel like I’m in first grade again. It is not helpful. But I don’t necessarily feel safe at home. At this point I’m not going to do it. But what if I stop caring about hurting people? It gets worse every day. I have therapy again Friday but she’s going to make me go to the hospital. I’ve tried to kill myself before and I failed. I don’t want to risk failing. I don’t want to go through the ICU again. I don’t want to go through being committed to the hospital and rehab again. I know to avoid those things would be to not do it. But how do I stop wanting to? This is getting long and redundant. 

I need help. 
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suicidewatch,Speaker4real,2019/01/08,"Hey, lets discuss I'm C. That's what I'm gonna go by I have really nothing to want to live for besides people need me and I'm mentally I'll and well next whensday my friends thought it would be funny for me to yell I'm sucidial and go to the hospital to get out of a assignment but why I'm probably take pills and I am probably gonna go do it with the intent to die but I think I should at least deserve the chance to be talked out of it.
Xoxo 
-C.",-0.4933422459893038,1.3573070098039253,2.3714616755793223,94.57612299465242,86.74509803921568,6.454188948306596,22.01782531194296,7.686295010490155,0.8672627450980395,353,13,87,7,11,124,65,102,0.065,0.8009999999999999,0.134,0.7147,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,16,24,6,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,2,16,16,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288607492373236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037008199822454,0.0,0.11521048650041785,0.0,0.3759729018639939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254925072841624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471963079466456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222282195757252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350978857595214,0.0,0.0,0.234521222840536,0.0,0.0,0.21159100887653245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287799960388693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755069987178562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126816921328525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658005567310568,0.17724237389966996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129772172691654,0.0,0.17506503863754208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006602529367764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982703289820456,0.0,0.198981352869399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566482095233896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway-3411,2019/01/08,"Is it selfish to kill myself even though I'm in great pain? Like the title states, I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now. I can't be happy about anything and life in general just doesn't seem worth living in this body (I'm trans, MTF). I feel as though I'm a slave to other people's desires and my body and that death will finally free me of all my pain. Is it just selfish to just want to die? I'm very tired and there's very little keeping me going. Is life really worth living despite this pain?",2.5568457943925225,3.583151168224301,3.962698598130842,90.47432827102804,74.70093457943925,6.845327102803737,21.786214953271028,7.1686216300943375,0.4862532710280378,393,9,88,4,8,130,66,107,0.321,0.581,0.098,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,11,1,0,3,0,7,9,2,0,1,15,17,7,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,7,5,12,15,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,3,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587890436491785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128278664671447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614393691571675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839813722038296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300710591988323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120039184077526,0.0,0.0,0.1542561592858399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002851841150578,0.0,0.0,0.15524924573975346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990038978965806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516301226412732,0.15579114587807572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892386829962774,0.06879518971227527,0.1411338153518011,0.2486847878803169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971604020646187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993491678210521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762352349350677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020981744797243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025540413189258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819286168437438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767004213635986,0.0,0.0,0.16184634786703062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323745606793313,0.0830564483370016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,siracha_ass,2019/01/08,I know this isn't the sub to post this but can anyone talk/ point me where to go? It's all my fault I tried on r/drugs and for some reason wouldn't let me post but I did some drugs tonight and I figured I'd go here because I do have suicidal thoughts and I just am having a hard time in general and am scared to be alone?,0.8479908675799095,1.9843866986301395,2.409794520547944,99.45569634703196,79.27397260273972,5.962557077625571,20.38584474885845,6.42735559955562,-0.20100730593607308,251,6,66,2,6,82,53,73,0.244,0.7559999999999999,0.0,-0.959,0,1,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,11,1,0,1,1,16,15,6,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,9,0,6,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279122474725205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386867473052024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414444643104376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103915303752345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501264470525475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712746886272792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209373393667224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502275857248305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802459319012406,0.0,0.4215067417096297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226254810824059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031502207261566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24070617786228735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687314044798175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470034103694088,0.1283167592980713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940397042564155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeeseeksOG,2019/01/08,"Almost OD'd I just wanted my mind to shut up for once. Suicide has been on my mind lately. Hell, I even have a plan as to where if things don't go well for me this month, I'm going to kill myself on Feb 4th (I have prior commitments on the 1st - 3rd that I don't want to back out of) I feel so so lost. Tired. Angry. Lonely. Useless. All of the above...I need a miracle it seems",-1.5411281489594728,0.39699845783132304,1.143088718510409,100.30648411829137,94.54216867469879,3.9820372398685664,12.364731653888281,5.565023196281405,-1.3193036144578314,284,4,71,2,11,97,62,83,0.329,0.618,0.054000000000000006,-0.9802,0,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,2,13,15,4,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,2,1,9,1,14,13,1,13,1,3,0,0,0,7,1,3,4,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22587935232102505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345215611241202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898921950803548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405677774944707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563973231633626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495637403300265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544568190130155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462402048637605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555300159086597,0.0,0.18005067625982948,0.0,0.0,0.16725994836609429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022849650698594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535371163262264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674088006299116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986106063512902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592636423899295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660982790605012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028177351147453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,19WithDepression,2019/01/08,"I hate my face. I’m so ugly and disgusting to look at. How am I supposed to be confident when I have this face and can’t even start a conversation?? It’s not just girls. I’m always the awkward faggot who tries to butt into conversations just to hopefully be interesting to the people around me but instead it backfires bad and I end up looking stupid. I’ve even been told that I butt in to much.

Please stop with the confidence bullshit. If you aren’t good looking you are already a target of gossip and if you try to socialize you are a weirdo living a worthless life. I have nothing in my life that I care about. I have to keep pretending like I’m ok but this face and this body predetermine the outcome of every possible interaction I have. I posted on r/RateMe and got destroyed.  I have never been happy.

Goodbye. I decided when I’ll die but am happy I have the courage to finally do it.",1.4087762702846511,3.918983296089386,3.4236711891460487,85.69841713221601,84.75418994413408,6.538015429635543,24.16626762436818,7.793537801064563,1.5531418462357012,706,28,139,14,21,238,106,179,0.261,0.585,0.154,-0.9775,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,11,17,4,1,9,1,17,8,6,1,1,23,30,15,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,3,20,9,20,24,1,15,0,1,3,2,12,7,2,3,8,98,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742583127449905,0.0,0.13139429852288328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405739444115957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318487845398802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540311740852005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100041687564998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638863085623677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986195251184974,0.0,0.0,0.20859697064366636,0.0,0.13304652086609145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298338235505795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244794886629846,0.12629556045666626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361976152162235,0.0,0.15590406001424414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568408912340198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035822820582716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230739033626416,0.07714716003096853,0.0,0.13943798402264593,0.0,0.3978154885147048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160824863725676,0.0,0.12179041682156085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515195134391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947535171048073,0.0,0.0,0.17333845788037108,0.0,0.1780205147864376,0.1512347380815368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097000652827598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117699604235482,0.0,0.0,0.1320203618770054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089037913620745,0.0,0.21442191167826224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrwbrightside,2019/01/08,"I have no future I'm unemployed and on benefits. I'm trying to find a job but all I'm qualified for is shitty retail jobs. I don't want to work in that sector for the rest of my life but I've got no choice. I had decent enough grades at school, I went to university but dropped out, so my education is useless. I can't get a job that I'd actually be good at or enjoy. I've got no practical skills, and I can't go back to college or anything to gain new schools because I can't afford to. Even if I could it's not like I could learn anything useful. 

I don't see the point in sitting around for the next forty/fifty years in a job I hate, I may as well kill myself now. It'd make no difference because it's not like I could achieve anything, I'm 24 and my life is already over.",1.838502024291497,2.7872373216374267,3.962222222222224,90.08384615384618,76.3684210526316,7.132883490778228,24.84975258659469,7.61054688173877,0.9928610886189828,606,20,144,8,13,209,99,171,0.205,0.6779999999999999,0.117,-0.9414,7,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,4,6,9,2,0,6,0,16,2,0,2,1,23,30,11,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,11,3,1,0,4,1,17,6,20,20,3,20,0,1,1,0,0,10,0,4,8,86,22,14,0.0,0.0,0.12883945011078185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569523953288965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259412770698595,0.11753215201332955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152072632313967,0.0,0.16096504648881946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162388006674056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794026783761695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641933570299974,0.0,0.08720268526942279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120670420281976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897873497215971,0.0,0.0750340700809273,0.1107381067321278,0.21118834037607204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034947377899642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5240662842182492,0.0,0.14606847646104704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650935655229486,0.12900358993424546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812914568214449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751264107175492,0.14041236841409804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480832865070828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723704226530665,0.10520854237002714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963776617297299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140290644670584,0.0,0.0,0.07787303187529092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187082607766424,0.1223904877869117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611733529036716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502115384521612
suicidewatch,ouroboros-panacea,2019/01/08,"An issue with this sub? Yesterday there was a post by a user named onlytalks_inmemes who claimed they would kill themselves in 8 hours time. That was the users last post before it was deleted. I sent him a PM and no reply. Now the post has been removed from this sub and the only way I could track it down was through comment history. The post came up as modmsg so I'm assuming it was removed my the moderators but if this cat really killed himself than not only is it wrong, but could be considered tampering with evidence. What gives?",3.818144552319312,5.9895926699029145,4.339352750809063,84.33539374325781,73.75728155339806,8.072923408845739,26.97842502696871,8.841846274778883,2.140744120819849,427,16,82,9,9,135,76,103,0.145,0.855,0.0,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,9,0,12,0,0,0,0,14,16,7,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,8,0,6,0,10,4,0,17,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,5,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769820574946854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852176491810736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771685221896605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650745148591006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093486612585493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811655664845612,0.0,0.0,0.3840665693813747,0.0,0.0,0.14148551304721127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640208320448586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.664941468231617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119558469284813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121206363190326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777451058816512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330158553086842,0.1897752991134052,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oflonelynights,2019/01/08,"just found out my partner of six years cheated on me. i feel like he's ruined my life he cheated on me four years ago and i found out by mistake today. it feels like a bad dream. he robbed be of the chance to make a decision four years ago and instead, i now can only think that if he'd owned up properly, i could have left him and been happy. 

instead, he never told me. i moved away from all my family and friends and got a job in his city to progress our relationship. and now i feel all alone and have no idea what to do from here. i dont even care if he sees this post, the damage is done and my hearts been broken. now i need to figure out what to do.... just resigned our lease, just bought tickets for an overseas holiday in a couple months time....

please don't ever cheat on your partner, i wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.",3.225344827586209,3.887108833333337,4.035114942528737,91.95887931034487,72.73563218390804,6.949425287356322,23.69540229885057,6.816661863887847,0.5166988505747123,643,16,148,5,12,206,108,174,0.188,0.679,0.133,-0.8952,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,1,0,1,11,14,3,0,7,0,15,3,1,1,4,35,29,10,0,7,5,0,3,2,3,1,2,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,9,3,1,1,5,9,0,3,8,4,22,5,22,17,3,27,0,3,1,0,16,12,0,2,15,100,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554609262227516,0.0,0.0,0.14923772451242928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075373809516153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538087212326316,0.0,0.12031230752649102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691323651282906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504717746365492,0.1594370534030777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745798977834385,0.1688768651174914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517259855203368,0.1303410952317288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358388143782987,0.0,0.21857447048981696,0.20588128471847855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31598283725443954,0.1113265155198132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524497826748628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339053375699754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075185150858618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266436554262514,0.0,0.0,0.14299086641787298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655833964408256,0.0,0.10177771511569396,0.1407939083372264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618373306769556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501429960692383,0.1531489097277051,0.0,0.1068437298500086,0.11113402473560996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958983104719884,0.15332596681017144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817172621991826,0.0,0.0,0.13800203301267927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547028198807112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482410588952607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923294913417354,0.0,0.0,0.08402225587618828,0.0,0.13658407773291065,0.13768780471338515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657007633383731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278375056399052
suicidewatch,imgonnadiesoon_throw,2019/01/08,"I’ll Never Achieve My Lifelong Dream Got a little story here, 99% of people won’t care to read it anyway so just leave now...

Anyway, ever since being a little kid I’ve always wanted to be a sports star of some sort. Always been athletically inclined and all that shit. Just under 6ft and some what built. During high school (I’m in my last year now) I’ve realised I wanted to play for the NFL, as a WR (wide receiver, dude that cates the ball when thrown and shit.)

Well now I’ve come to the reaslisation that being a pro player is going to be impossible. I’ll never make selections, I’ll never go to college cos I’m fucking dumb as rocks, I’m never good enough for anything. My best is never enough in all aspects of life. 

And because of this I’m suicidal. Knowing I have absolutely no chance of achieving anything in life. I can tell by my mid-30’s I’m either going to be homeless or kissing my boss’s ass to get a fucking pay rise just so I can endure another fucking day on this horrible, dying earth.

I’m literally just going to be a nother statistic.

“They don’t care until you’re 6ft under”...

Anyway, guess I’m gonna go now or something idfk ",1.9753312788906001,3.9638788135593215,4.043636363636363,85.1781741140216,78.66101694915254,5.985824345146379,22.59167950693375,6.980632752743323,0.8109728813559323,904,28,178,10,22,309,136,236,0.115,0.787,0.097,-0.6497,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,3,17,13,6,0,10,0,14,9,3,3,8,30,40,12,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,1,6,1,8,8,6,1,0,2,0,10,7,26,30,8,33,0,0,0,5,4,10,7,6,15,104,17,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185955622631595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089068782692013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974623440708885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027917356076982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098881192443572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350898698137533,0.0,0.0,0.09931136294954164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435194062580837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965189808775792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23824894609233024,0.0,0.0,0.10428560365537036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31974878326961403,0.060233803460523073,0.0,0.3276073004181525,0.09669903861219756,0.09220723598729758,0.0,0.12700395641302353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180927830409954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335988175030907,0.09397601499705692,0.0,0.12207452484260305,0.0,0.0,0.16286422084507254,0.0,0.23109995867908065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695637854629524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445903586892173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992695510009024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532031244697635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667873793044133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668523667237465,0.09536834611449346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875519214690833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610757807129294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076776683837817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600101244954624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365875877031797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742424092405663
suicidewatch,Tyler20r,2019/01/08,Talk? Like most people on here I’m very much weighing things right now I have the means to do it and intend to just was wondering if anyone wants to talk for now ?,0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,86.64705882352942,4.576470588235295,14.382352941176471,5.985473137389443,-0.9108588235294116,128,2,29,1,4,40,29,34,0.0,0.916,0.084,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344496451204475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638107055323674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652401352240664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464841736884219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324548900426033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28634447666055834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390030827521404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227585056729784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27665772048785464,0.19776870240491806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636186851048336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,desition,2019/01/08,"I'm finally going to kill myself It's never going to get better. Nothing will. I cant justify getting help and no one cares.

I cant keep living for my boyfriend's sake. I cant do it. I cant keep doing this. I have to wait for everyone to leave.

I just wanted to tell someone. Anyone.",-1.617096774193545,0.2910414838709734,2.053806451612904,91.38070967741936,101.90322580645164,4.415483870967742,17.490322580645163,6.2581,0.08341419354838697,220,7,47,3,10,80,41,62,0.175,0.726,0.1,-0.5358,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,7,18,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,0,8,2,7,17,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678848990247121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235070475677653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447999880069404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294277475780427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26302000173468315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25088676728487125,0.0,0.2729109962139528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093530752602042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268273740930731,0.2656372857252981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25423334694172256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201446231545887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185181461985317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303843418080922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269932712628962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343764298590575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985972839292455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416183787202597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fraser3,2019/01/08,"I really don’t see why I should be alive. I’m ugly, a virgin, selfish and just a burden to be around. I haven’t achieved anything in life and pursuing business, I don’t even think I have the confidence enough to do it. My household is also really shitty, my mum constantly asks me for money and I can’t move out because I don’t even know how to do basic chores, neither can I afford it. All of my friends don’t even know about my rubbish life, I’m constantly having to lie to them to seem normal but I’m pretty sure some of them can see through anyway. I have nothing going for me and nothing ever working out, why shouldn’t I just kill myself?",3.870265339966835,4.50276904477612,5.274875621890551,83.76307628524049,71.23880597014927,7.7466003316749585,27.575456053067995,7.793537801064563,1.6127804311774463,508,17,103,6,9,171,76,134,0.116,0.782,0.102,-0.4398,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,2,11,5,1,0,3,0,18,3,0,1,3,22,29,7,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,1,2,8,3,0,0,0,2,19,2,16,25,4,9,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,2,3,76,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311843638176984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369828438250257,0.14818517527202044,0.15561813751685666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147280219930567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35976942235421244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199823899547895,0.0,0.32983685688086595,0.1505730915120435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860700287411134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460336287430744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416392804279147,0.0,0.18296472261903146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23515200919182605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769212139763111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630959895696667,0.31944676163276026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935021623928176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327777308016746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26529500267208805,0.151539426851106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688709213402466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666119480078852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300409498196239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211852580991393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonno1234509876,2019/01/08,"Sibling attempted to kill themself My sibling attempted to kill themself two months ago, I was the one to find them and get help before it was too late. Since then they've been prescribed Prozac but it doesn't seem to be helping them at all. I'm going to sound like an awful younger brother but I went through their journals and found out that they're still suicidal and waiting to end it all. I can't sleep anymore. It's hard to get over the guilt and stress of them doing it once let alone probably attempting to do it again. I don't know what to do. I don't want them to think I invaded their privacy. ",3.8604065040650397,5.075640406504063,4.226178861788622,89.1047967479675,71.76422764227642,7.743089430894308,29.113821138211375,8.167268648758528,1.803074796747968,482,19,102,7,9,151,80,123,0.209,0.731,0.06,-0.963,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,6,3,3,5,2,2,3,1,12,2,1,0,2,16,23,7,3,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,5,2,13,1,15,16,2,12,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,8,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242891142583107,0.0,0.0,0.18977869919006868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817222771333545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592154307539605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229396088596829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747567659274185,0.0,0.0,0.20091036638507698,0.0,0.0,0.1914679717362248,0.0,0.10413804497362383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164144731273864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24564035199006554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054500989889857,0.0,0.10070249055523754,0.0,0.206699784032762,0.0,0.0,0.1873726703309159,0.0,0.08952054470617192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462583555127909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195141865480796,0.1241664138162686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975609238282258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668124596127174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157588222324225,0.0,0.1833697456745129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633363536262953,0.0,0.20989783841980447,0.0,0.0,0.2004319900676947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174111359641906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899632785056552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807817418027588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986291837495449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onionchopping,2019/01/08,"car accident got into an accident tonight - was visiting family friends, they were seeing me off and instead of baking, I drove forward into their car. I've been driving for four years, perfect record and this comes out of nowhere.

I'm a fucking mess why did I do that fuck I feel so guilty

their car is fine but still I just have no idea how to deal with this",3.148333333333333,4.926334944444445,3.676111111111112,90.08,74.55555555555556,7.022222222222222,27.277777777777786,7.793537801064563,1.5083444444444445,284,11,59,4,6,89,59,72,0.15,0.75,0.1,-0.5766,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,5,6,2,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,1,13,15,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,2,0,0,8,1,3,0,1,6,2,8,3,9,9,0,15,0,0,1,2,6,5,2,0,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553457168121263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056033451073429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27944510781717113,0.0,0.14988245873526493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22901885793633805,0.5480841925763517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707984735245294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346301377489977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236214036445794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367270812976877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674793699122134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908893468215072
suicidewatch,blueskies521,2019/01/08,"Feeling incredibly confused and anxious; waves of suicidal thoughts rushing in I've always had severe depression and anxiety but I've done everything I can in terms of reaching out to resources and help. Objectively speaking, I guess I've had a difficult life. I am 23 and just moved back home after graduating university. I moved back into my parent's severely abusive home out of necessity and just being here at all makes me feel like I am back at square A and that everything I sought to accomplish never really happened.

I've sought therapy for my issues and I just feel like I am too damaged to continue to exist. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety (GAD), and PTSD in the past. I can't think of one shitty thing that hasn't occurred in the 'check mark' that typical mental health checklists require; and when I realize that, I try my best to not let it define me I cannot deny that the darkness of it all still dwells within me and suffocates me. I've been through too much and I try to forget it, deal with it, accept it...all of it. It doesn't seem to help in actuality. It's a part of me. It's a demon inside of me. It's been there too fucking long. I've always felt like I was too damaged to be loved. Too damaged to live. Two of my therapists have cried when I told them about things that had happened to me when I was a kid/adult years and they affirmed that my life was shite and I 'can't let it define me' and that I am' more than' my traumas. I've attempted to absorb this positive assertion but I cannot....this isn't a pity party you see, because in actuality, everything that has happened has mentally caused my brain to be incapable of feeling joy, to be incapable of truly trusting another soul and let go and embrace 'self love' and throw out suicidal thoughts that have manifested from all the bullshit life has thrown at me. It's a sickening life to 'live.' Suicidality is something I deal with every second of the day- more or less. I just feel like this world is too cruel. Not as a romanticized generality but as a reality I have experienced personally. I am 23 and I don't feel like anyone my age. I feel 

​

I get physical chest pains from my anxiety and non-stop cluster headaches. I cry myself to sleep to the point where I can feel an absurd amount of pressure in my head because the tears are nonstop I cry about different things. My past. My future. My present. I feel disgusted with myself at times. I don't know why. Existing within it of itself feels wrong. Nauseating.  It doesn't feel right. I feel trapped. I ponder if I was meant for this world.  

​

I just had a panic attack about an hour ago and I am sitting here just crying because I've really just fucking had it with life. The pain never stops. I just want peace. People keep hurting me. My parents keep abusing me. I feel distant from everyone and everything. It's so layered and interconnected and fucked up. I cry for a better reality and for less pain but it just keeps getting worse, even when I've reached out to resources. I feel so fucking trapped.  

​

I contemplate death daily and honestly it is the only thought that comforts me. I feel a stark urgency to act upon it. It's as if my mind and soul are on fire and that's the only way to really, truly BE without pain. It doesn't seem like a temporary solution to a temporary problem but I am trying so hard to not think that and hold on. 

​

If anyone else is going through this, I wouldn't mind chatting. Please.",3.391300634455831,5.480996693997074,4.813189604685213,80.82937933138119,74.7393850658858,8.067242557345045,28.513640800390434,8.841846274778883,2.441192308443143,2774,117,524,60,60,924,287,683,0.244,0.622,0.134,-0.9983,3,2,1,0,0,0,90.0,0,1,2,5,34,43,7,5,26,0,53,21,4,2,5,110,99,47,4,6,22,2,18,6,0,1,11,1,2,2,41,38,0,6,28,1,1,7,17,27,0,3,19,22,76,16,80,71,12,61,3,7,2,6,16,27,4,8,31,362,117,3,0.0,0.11588638124489613,0.09544641248643136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043350405996270505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138401744574987,0.21194966210065813,0.23769463572372035,0.0,0.05128006152338471,0.1122341766704144,0.055247549937633984,0.0,0.06838956574139539,0.05010788177521884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563530956689808,0.0,0.11281236972327333,0.0,0.08943419237969745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132168433030206,0.04325157464298661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459298802513783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023783367683559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685934946953297,0.03153900567703996,0.10083566183882586,0.0842418106996438,0.04963648557416911,0.0,0.05109422498775562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050045725730370416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04085297973494708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032300601488880684,0.0,0.04120369185340473,0.046729825365589416,0.1758068880058213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709096407131687,0.13974798277835312,0.046955466597438864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808436759172993,0.05110059679146384,0.0,0.0555864899867394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387322063960365,0.0,0.12973681944559148,0.0,0.043808338555048065,0.0,0.050189567298151966,0.05198261801393815,0.0,0.0,0.06555858125478199,0.0,0.09810930982250717,0.0,0.04816054537286805,0.0,0.05235269598911728,0.0,0.0,0.0510430240619081,0.0,0.13040424837347328,0.0,0.0,0.02687633508150753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002282401848568,0.1727115507203208,0.14335201500596945,0.0,0.08636617761860395,0.04327846184088137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827545864113202,0.0,0.03264377014812656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985673699432112,0.0,0.09875810853076876,0.0,0.0,0.10395433090684401,0.035950034370957715,0.0,0.07543549087561698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313858599916819,0.07438732395131592,0.20814902722762185,0.05737825502049373,0.1086041107337285,0.05295821832350248,0.09336871854975352,0.033903845271999015,0.04270104776833359,0.0,0.05368185773182032,0.04623004525358767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679448094262405,0.05716610714101277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398737875840228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176371092650204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897012104410348,0.08904064905649263,0.0510174913092363,0.11049509987526797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048939273511370986,0.0,0.0,0.03764865429775297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905476216145698,0.08177179341096913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047897017476234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559259353185858,0.05678126179268245,0.09746884534854318,0.06267136026279549,0.0,0.11647283450625777,0.028516289820222925,0.0,0.0,0.046729825365589416,0.0,0.09960772725843728,0.0,0.047772058656606574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028844820105748164,0.038817683710710135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412821345894702,0.0,0.0,0.04714166811398893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983730879880302,0.0,0.05346879844204193,0.23769463572372035,0.03149254406552199
suicidewatch,whattothebutt,2019/01/08,I wish I had a definitive way to kill myself so bad I haven’t slept normally in 3 days. I’m exhausted and my muscles are so sore. I have classes tomorrow and I wanted to work out but my anxiety is through the roof and although I feel exhausted I cannot sleep. I have had bad insomnia which has never happened like this before. It’s making me seriously consider suicide. I can’t fix anything in my life if I’m this exhausted. I can’t work out like this which is also a huge part of my life and the only thing I felt like I was doing right. I’m at a loss and hate everything about my life and have one more reason why my life is just so shitty. ,0.8589155370177259,2.8925002773722635,3.4716840458811262,87.60177007299271,82.72262773722629,7.125964546402503,22.92440041710115,8.192908349453996,1.3933612095933263,506,18,110,11,14,177,82,137,0.349,0.619,0.031,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,3,6,12,2,0,5,0,16,11,2,2,1,19,27,13,2,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,2,20,3,10,22,2,11,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,1,6,76,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556551262701907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968274722224624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395009583119595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830851359415703,0.0,0.0,0.14424949167149648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932672263104136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235412839624812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571467730395822,0.0,0.16276630041150747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990645149906387,0.0,0.0,0.1673664348783808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754935823409005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47894947593794107,0.2484575154911699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131562751584706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074468916277274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660941341739704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487150346510212,0.12892800768940094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835742225032338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429534619981782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476961281720416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964296324780254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185427953775386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262191257924845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998760516851468,0.1345575121700728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529659178996182,0.0,0.1949402520807648,0.0,0.0,0.2468259406222604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontcare4567,2019/01/08,I’m so fucking ugly I have a huge ass nose and pointy ears and it hurts every time I look at myself I wish I could be better looking.,-0.10200000000000033,1.6239514666666683,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.33333333333334,4.0,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.9543333333333336,104,2,24,0,3,36,25,30,0.28600000000000003,0.491,0.223,-0.5119,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,4,8,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,6,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013506197296055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720475482651229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870822201888233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150021372730241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647616881249048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722597525780649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986841330204996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918260960909251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Big_Daddy_himself,2019/01/08,"Big mistakes I wish my parents knew what a goddamn condom is 
Why my sister wanted a brother that bad but now that she has it she doesn't even give a single F*** about me
I wish i had cancer or a tumor or something
I wish i was F***ind dead.
         
                                                       The End.",-1.3083333333333336,0.7220321481481484,1.2462037037037028,98.15041666666669,97.88888888888887,2.7,17.86111111111111,3.1291,-0.9091777777777779,192,6,43,0,8,65,41,54,0.328,0.535,0.13699999999999998,-0.9267,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,11,3,1,5,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,10,0,1,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,31,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830932467227103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036166125278846,0.0,0.0,0.15687184573368154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22783939068839398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26372461378048945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284532228017253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008841821110998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431409865905848,0.0,0.8193677060364903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plausiblewaffles,2019/01/08,"I have nothing.. My mom is dying and I don't...  I don't understand how she's this sick when she was fine before last friday... She won't even look at me anymore.

I can't even grieve properly because the hospice keeps acting like I'm the one in charge of my mother's estate and I'm not and I don't want to be and I don't have a job... I don't have anything, I can't even figure out how to pay the rent.  I have nothing.

what am I supposed to do? what's the goddamn point of anything? Everything I try to do, I fail at, I've gotten rejected for like 5 goddamn jobs, I'm not going to be able to pay bills, or rent, or anything, and I'll live out on the street and I just... what is the point... 

I can't do this, my dad died five years ago and I'm about to lose my mom... She's all I have in the world, and she's dying.  I feel like I just want to run away, or give up completely and end it all... I don't have anything...",-1.048208168642951,0.6257524202898566,1.7037000439174363,99.60651185770752,87.59903381642513,4.729819938515592,17.621651295564337,5.852544927426893,-0.6127178743961359,689,17,180,5,22,239,95,207,0.138,0.789,0.073,-0.9385,4,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,0,8,0,25,1,0,2,2,28,38,15,4,2,7,4,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,6,11,0,1,3,0,5,3,12,4,0,2,2,2,28,4,21,33,2,21,0,4,1,0,10,13,0,3,8,114,34,5,0.12831477908837782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137433095910984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725378164598974,0.0,0.0,0.42236852024800137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055595881776615,0.0,0.0,0.07821949835755433,0.0,0.1091864261741654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345356045833307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39951144720822135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364880842809512,0.0,0.0,0.2542521042671108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532104965991585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487980773481193,0.09166810381924227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309122827093084,0.0729242459711696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25466523789999485,0.11405207136171945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045936709024567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806435889821355,0.0,0.11330430077076785,0.0,0.10775209753132883,0.14355141615053646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005614369015208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462429824080557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694941512286883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425978824808098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711731219769764,0.0,0.0,0.13358021029473402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136676245523115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263051076763032
suicidewatch,bherb76,2019/01/08,Checking out now 42.  I'm just tired of being alone.  Every being I've loved is dead.  I'll see you all on the other side.,-2.0061111111111103,-0.1490568888888859,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,99.37037037037035,2.7,10.453703703703702,3.1291,-1.9304740740740745,92,1,22,0,4,32,24,27,0.278,0.604,0.118,-0.6486,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853753702223938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948540204849548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42297083327648616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37344976338031977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386390265446046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwme_away_can_you,2019/01/08,"I don't think it's worth living anymore I'm stressed all the damn time. Family shit is just messing with me, my body, everything. I want to die. I struggled with thoughts of wanting to die for years now. I'm usually fine but fuck I hate being insecure. I hate myself so much honestly. It fucking sucks I can't do it anymore. The only thing that's stopped me from doing anything is my fear of death and that my loved ones would be sad",0.7145556690500534,3.1368247865168577,2.2823084780388183,93.11036772216549,87.65168539325843,5.483554647599592,23.821246169560776,6.980632752743323,0.9597101123595512,342,14,72,5,11,111,64,89,0.429,0.469,0.101,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,16,7,4,2,0,9,5,2,0,1,12,21,3,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,13,0,1,1,0,12,3,8,17,2,5,0,1,0,3,1,0,5,0,5,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447022005954461,0.0,0.0,0.14301280137665404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930394051330567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607292274133244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561895413974223,0.0,0.16383195712267318,0.19555993227259533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213286023834489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34315954525351194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345807923124613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685054844209512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775425230063864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177633165225639,0.1321736838132623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839099071864414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529463614282426,0.19907368525444805,0.18168105909668644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545709369491942,0.1113563993906148,0.0,0.1379683417651448,0.10133724064848068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140304327607616,0.0,0.2050094521374509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345408241772328,0.0,0.0,0.11191384071070347
suicidewatch,Vampiric_Goth_,2019/01/08,"I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore I just can’t. I hate my face. I hate everything about it. My small eyes, with my acne, fat cheeks and big nose. I’m so fucking ugly.. this all relates to my Story post https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/adqcxq/the_story_of_my_hell/?st=JQNIQRS5&sh=94d35905
But I’m just so fucking tired of seeing my ugly face. It’s gotten to the point where I put tape over my mirror in my bathroom. I’m such a disappointment. Maybe it is time for me to say goodbye.",4.630735444330952,8.025689662921348,3.6081511746680315,83.6047497446374,79.3370786516854,4.58467824310521,18.20326864147089,6.11248444174946,-0.16703146067415675,416,9,71,3,11,121,59,89,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.955,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,3,0,3,9,6,0,1,6,13,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,5,14,0,11,12,1,11,0,1,3,2,1,8,2,0,1,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571953829787523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354119130668748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333706995713775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388981612506258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687167351745377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933495954866956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847478656663054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243958131619896,0.0,0.22733934149013746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386271319173557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876988507495565,0.0,0.0,0.18915689899814955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841509363600074,0.2728272928018909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justaskthebear,2019/01/08,I’m really scared of myself. I want to die so bad and I babe gotten so close. I would love to die but I want tp be round those who love me,-3.1436363636363645,-1.5751083939393915,0.21430303030303044,105.28145454545457,102.63636363636364,3.852121212121212,6.6,5.6839178017228535,-2.157843636363636,105,0,30,1,5,37,24,33,0.236,0.485,0.279,0.4186,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,8,4,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454392081163124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6101554282055077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5306096998860494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883143801752508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29429911068567405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467632244608147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881639966199653,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSlavGoblin,2019/01/08,"I don't know what I should do. I've had a lot of issues in my past, and I've suffered from pretty severe anxiety and depression most of my life. I sound like a massive pussy saying this, but I hate working, I mean I don't hate the idea of having a job, just wasting time, bored out of my skull, working some shit job that doesn't matter. I have a sort of self worth issue, where I don't really see the upside in supporting myself doing something I hate. 

This isn't to say I haven't worked, I've done plenty of shit I hate in the last 6 years or so, I know what it's like to support myself, I just don't see the point. 

I only have like 3k to my name, I have nothing to show for myself. Part of me really wants to go to school and do something I enjoy, but I'm not sure if I'd just end up burying myself in student loans, I guess I'm just too scared to make a move, I don't want to ruin my or my families life and just end up paying back loans forever. No one really has any faith in me, I don't think I'm an idiot but my friends and family seem to think I am. I really want to make something of myself, but I don't know how. I don't really want to die, but sometimes it sounds better than living some miserable existence stuck in one place.

It feels so damn stupid, I don't want to waste my life, but at the same time I'm too terrified to make a mistake living it. I know it's irrational and I'm overly anxious, I get I don't have any REAL problems. I just don't see the point in doing something that isn't fulfilling and doesn't matter. Sorry if this is an incoherent rant, I haven't been able to think straight and I don't really have anyone to talk to.",3.969891834850284,3.4565788476454316,5.6273051048674345,85.33569713758081,70.77285318559558,8.870650309985493,25.500725497955408,8.418075326091056,1.3516298905157629,1288,30,297,18,21,444,156,361,0.267,0.616,0.117,-0.9958,3,0,4,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,4,13,27,9,2,14,0,35,6,3,4,1,61,71,21,1,10,17,0,1,3,1,1,3,4,0,1,12,9,0,0,11,1,4,2,20,17,0,2,4,8,45,10,39,66,6,27,1,4,3,0,6,17,3,11,11,186,57,8,0.0818170243384512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127676435091816,0.0,0.06258979967587168,0.09242994921236214,0.0,0.05720836575801455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062912241452753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723605092374011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046888317504785,0.0,0.08491315402104901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372722216235247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493119796891182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425961803519322,0.0,0.041369145832040335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321163004798336,0.0,0.042746018343693036,0.0,0.0464985004056076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013067644168904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32310949161341274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236146167568116,0.0,0.17079143335816105,0.16238154416390665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985798750550386,0.06669179480861033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336935172135035,0.11991499606271025,0.0,0.14449186289645047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955790828807328,0.0,0.0,0.16384049719656646,0.0,0.0,0.08912272498715224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695854872271436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785056414700928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088266626593453,0.06222553382570972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859986434772475,0.07810360752032511,0.0,0.0,0.08548137656772815,0.0,0.15468706719837966,0.0,0.0,0.08323732750340271,0.0,0.0782878426614047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312568572332648,0.3144844850151269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012836329767266,0.08191311445808687,0.0828031966329739,0.19559272653568546,0.07448314612519295,0.08535300001498645,0.09242994921236214,0.1679679994823756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519469702155711,0.0809191291266235,0.09158746028845424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568997928734093,0.07711157717427967,0.0,0.0,0.06576142498944758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727513670829527,0.0,0.0,0.09541632969366326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24128900380412086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869130446334808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268748119745008
suicidewatch,NeoAtari,2019/01/08,I wish I could just feel better. I don't even know where to start. I just want to scream.,-2.082666666666668,-0.24740259999999736,-0.5999999999999996,111.23833333333332,100.0,2.666666666666667,6.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.866833333333333,68,0,19,0,3,21,15,20,0.131,0.534,0.335,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130417916269293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728779680093709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30846271886561505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236139660881626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566623223793226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305596027915921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754608652743377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370506716753948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Swinging_at_Balls,2019/01/08,"Can’t get into a relationship, I think I’m close to being done. Im exhausted. I literally can’t do it anymore. Anytime I am presented with a potential relationship, I fuck it up with exposing my feelings too soon. Ive tried all the online dating apps because I sure as hell cant meet someone the more natural way. I’m talking to this girl now felt like we genuinely connected and we were so engaged with each other but things are rapidly deteriorating. I can just sense that she will ghost me or call it a quits any day now. This girl was the last straw, I promised myself that even before we started to seriously talk. I’m done. I’m tired of being rejected. I’ve been flaked on way too many times now. It hurts so much, people have no idea. I see my friends on Instagram with their girlfriends and SOs and it just fills me with self-hatred. Why can’t that be me. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m 23. I just want to be loved. I want to hold someone close to me and cuddle with. I wanna tell them everything. I wanna smile with them, cry, laugh, do all these things but I just can’t. I fuck everything up. I care too much. I’m clingy. I’m desperate. No one wants me. I deleted all my online dating apps because I thought this thing with this girl was gonna work. But it’s not. I can just feel it. I’ve been rejected so many times where I can pick up on these things. I’m not gonna redownload the apps because i don’t wanna get hurt again like I’m getting hurt now. 

Don’t fucking tell me to work on myself because I have. Same results. And don’t you dare tell me that I need to be happy with myself because that sure as hell doesn’t fix anything either. I’ve tried therapy with a counselor. Nothing. I’ve tried neurological treatment. Nothing. Not lowering my standards so I’m guessing I’ll just keep complaining then. Hopefully it will bring me closer to killing myself honestly cause i sure am on the brink right now. Any advice you give me does not fucking work. I’m done. I really am done. I don’t wanna keep going. I keep getting hurt. I keep putting myself out there, I try, but nothing seems to work. I’m social, I’m funny, I like to think that I’m good looking, people tell me I’m handsome, but how genuine are they really being? I feel hideous. I wanna cry. I’m pathetic for wanting to kill myself because I can’t get a girlfriend. Hell, I can’t even hook up with anyone. I’ve tried that too and it just feels wrong. 

Smiling in public is a chore now. I have no reason to be happy. I have nothing to look forward to. I’m starting college back up again in a couple of weeks. I took a semester off because I failed all of my classes. I haven’t felt this way in over a year. I was doing so well. But women just fuck it up for me. I don’t know what it is about me. Ever since middle school I’ve been having women problems and it’s taken a toll. This is it. Like I said, she was the last straw. I know finding a girlfriend won’t fix all of my problems, but I think it would help. 

I’ve stopped eating these past couple of days, maybe I’ll eat one thing a day and that’s it. I just don’t care anymore. Everyday now all I do is drive around with no destination and listen to Mac Miller because that’s the one thing that I still enjoy to do. It’s somewhat therapeutic and keeps me sane. But as of recently, I’ve gotten tired of that too. Video games were an escape for me for a really long time but now I have lost interest. I can’t even talk to my friends anymore. They try to talk to me but I don’t say anything back. I have no energy to say anything. 

I have these dreams where I’m with someone that I love. But they’re just fucking dreams and that’s it. They vanish in mere seconds holding no value. I hate going to bed every night knowing that I have no one next to me. I have these butterflies in my stomach that won’t go away. I have no nails because I fucking bite them all the damn time because of my anxiety. Wanting a girlfriend has consumed me to the point where I’m no longer myself anymore. People want the old me back but I just can’t. The anxiety of wanting to be in love has changed me. 

I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a month now. We finally met up today for the first time in person. Thought it went okay but she has seemed to space her text messages longer apart and sometimes takes hours to get back to me so I’m assuming that she is losing interest or didn’t like what she saw. My anxiety is killing me. I really like her but i don’t think she feels the same. She feels different. I feel a connection but like I wanna take it slow. I don’t know anymore. Can’t get a good nights sleep when she doesn’t text me back at night some nights. Feels like i did something wrong. I toss and turn frequently now. This is all I’m holding onto now, if this doesn’t work with her then i think I’m gonna call it a quits.





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suicidewatch,Simchas1199,2019/01/08,"Voice inside beggs for my death I hear voices, but they're mine, and i know them well. I was isolated a lot, so i've thought a lot, and now i think a lot, and i know how i think. I have my conscious voice, my emotional voice, and my rational voice. My conscious voice is the one that i'd usually speak with, or think at the highest level with. My emotional voice helps me understand my emotions. My rational voice helps me create logical strings of thought and reach rational conclusions. I'm a 19 years old man. Since i was around 13 years old, my rational voice, or the one that i'd describe as ""the voice in the back of my head"", has been constantly repeating a request to my conscious voice: for me to kill myself. While this happens, my emotional voice has been dull for the longest time, sometimes not showing up for months, only to appear and give a nice little breakdown, and leave me again. I know why a part of me wants to die, and i want to die consciously a lot too. But the rational voice is absolutely constant, only muted by max-volume music, or deep sleep. Am i completely delusional, extremely depressed, rationally suicidal, or that the fuck is going on?",5.872589285714284,6.446880366071429,6.348214285714287,78.04678571428572,66.76785714285714,10.32857142857143,33.410714285714285,10.290406445055957,3.418726785714284,918,39,174,22,14,298,119,224,0.174,0.7240000000000001,0.102,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,1,1,8,6,2,0,16,0,11,3,2,1,0,41,29,18,5,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,0,1,4,11,0,0,15,1,0,2,1,4,1,2,6,15,31,2,21,23,5,24,0,2,0,1,8,8,1,9,14,113,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665169523062908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348481783149334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383520124684166,0.2346545428640077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351251423899498,0.0,0.2253602488561343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4885135076513009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037264559485633,0.0,0.104151720916847,0.06170371212596335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960094603457132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142572999412692,0.0,0.1223680240769668,0.0,0.14554643857155442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011833041323293,0.0,0.17900424832716236,0.0,0.0,0.11496159165542776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881721274568013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692145864191209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086660772889138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785514950768,0.0,0.14714178004345665,0.16514710765179635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757240505442434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898115055291344,0.0,0.10864995595583753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073800360346823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875965041501788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870478994737324,0.0,0.17238736133146912,0.06330894209680561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302680928659205,0.0,0.0,0.11957622001916188,0.0,0.12807662268690664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761885956653688,0.0,0.09796893383818593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983303306949235
suicidewatch,Jacooy,2019/01/08,"I think I'm psychologically DESTROYED and can not move on with my life. Your advice would be highly appreciated. My parents always fight, they're almost 60  years old and they keep yelling at each others literally every day.  I  have no clue why they're not legally separated/divorced till now, but I  hate living my life that way. My dad is the wrongful one most of times,  he always threatens to beat her up. yes at this age. The police at my  country don't take these family matters seriously.

My father is that kind of 'man' who always sees himself as an Angel who never commits mistakes. He used to beat me to death when I was a kid/teenager.

I  used to see my parents fight when I was a child, a teenager, an now as an adult. They fight at least 25 days a month, yelling and yelling and  yelling. I can't leave the house because sometimes I extinguish the fire and protect my mother from him by standing in between them as I'm physically stronger than him.

My financial status can't help me live outside the house and and get another place to live in. I'm trapped. I can't even look my neighbors in  the eyes, they also avoid and hate us because of my father.

These fights killed and destroyed me, I was smart and confident when I was a child, getting straight ""A""s, but facing such incidents and fights destroyed my childhood and my whole life. I became insecure, introvert, anxious, severely  depressed, afraid from people, isolated, I left all of my friends for no reason, I couldn't even get a decent job.

A  year ago, things almost got physical between them and for the first  time in my life I stood up, yelled at him, insulted him for trying to  hit an old lady, threatened to call the cops on him to reduce the heat, he couldn't say a single word at this moment as I had gone wild, I was ready to do anything, literally anything, the adrenaline was at its peak. afterwards I stayed at my uncle's house for a week and returned  back home. I locked myself in my room, I secretly cried, I didn't talk  to him for a year.

Now, I can't live like that anymore. I hate my life, I can't enjoy a single moment of it. I don't want tomorrow to come.   


Suicidal thoughts started catching me, I can commit suicide right now, I'm not afraid of the physical pain, I don't care about anyone anymore. I don't want my life to end like that someday which why I'm posting here. I swear to God I'm not exaggerating, my capacity is full.  


PS: They just fought again 1 hour ago.",5.3696212121212135,5.7510447086776875,5.963983471074383,81.03900550964191,67.82231404958678,8.68473829201102,31.629201101928373,8.548686976883017,2.330881763085399,1925,75,382,27,30,626,246,484,0.263,0.66,0.077,-0.9987,3,2,0,0,11,3,65.0,1,1,6,3,16,30,14,4,26,1,28,9,2,3,4,47,59,25,4,6,7,6,1,2,2,1,7,6,3,4,15,17,0,3,4,0,0,4,19,23,0,2,13,11,70,7,54,41,8,67,1,1,4,0,45,24,0,3,37,241,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841771611824416,0.14227056318745304,0.0,0.16071417375106614,0.0,0.0,0.06417454152318013,0.2003190580982181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414734609229309,0.0,0.0906577443015221,0.1591695128934863,0.05611148160302545,0.0,0.13207503690625208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170599408158586,0.0,0.09783724531645084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194249298994412,0.0,0.08181849650128675,0.0,0.0,0.0691268101723176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814899625640936,0.10350703752188116,0.0,0.06911774859271347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710761803871119,0.0,0.0,0.1060064988898118,0.0,0.06761265910508986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565096122553422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825916830986062,0.0,0.0,0.06199964235191895,0.0,0.12577928368240612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418190133838485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376857657206672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378874812435814,0.08478674150139992,0.08049559422569909,0.0,0.07902841687575309,0.2777873132404784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963406144622695,0.07132838179080593,0.08878286110091813,0.08356626202767888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849713693885966,0.08719001955482797,0.0,0.3400905116146642,0.0784105378801992,0.0,0.2834428985787004,0.0,0.06738836620598583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405343244320465,0.08529124966651942,0.0,0.0,0.06189244093884215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684141964034548,0.0,0.05437832916424257,0.0,0.08538985578688105,0.0,0.17821249470984601,0.0,0.0,0.05563407135659283,0.0,0.08384240006033401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768556947163326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250862417177891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853161507671471,0.0,0.06381667406909146,0.0,0.0,0.12789502061191313,0.0,0.0,0.0906577443015221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936762683498401,0.0,0.05680016420656935,0.08553401709622371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555724444249451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033673928255605,0.06450054881994569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053313408883879095,0.05141987436679808,0.0,0.06370819134761932,0.09358686543994033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448333231334774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652883171739833,0.1386175420915856,0.0,0.0,0.09466506038809908,0.06369737025796565,0.06437035077853012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482322914808815,0.08959436810701889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057006094330692585,0.08773892530510742,0.0,0.15503183456204386
suicidewatch,angelixm,2019/01/08,Kind of weird So I've been dealing with self harm since 6th grade (I'm now a senior) and I haven't thought about actually killing myself since my sophomore year. Recently I've been getting closer and closer to actually doing it. I've recently been sent a psych facility in November 2018 too (I was diagnosed severely depressed since I've had more than one plan of suicide plus I have anxiety lol) and I thought it was a awesome because I would finally get help and I'll be happy but I've always had this thought that my thoughts of suicide are normal??? Like I feel that everyone thinks about killing themselves or something and that I'm not actually depressed. I asked my younger sister about this (2 years younger) and she said she's thought about killing herself but not seriously like the thought occurs but it's just a thought and she never plans how and when. Which honestly made me felt ashamed for asking since suicide is constantly on my mind and I'm always thinking up different ways of how to killing myself. I feel like I could possibly be in denial or something. Idk any thoughts on this???? Does anyone relate? ,3.976367924528304,6.508250504716983,4.29588679245283,83.14298113207548,74.61320754716981,7.447547169811322,32.76981132075472,8.395991825355821,2.810197358490566,905,47,163,17,20,283,120,212,0.255,0.68,0.065,-0.994,1,0,2,0,0,5,20.0,0,0,0,2,11,16,4,1,5,1,16,1,0,3,1,40,39,19,7,3,8,1,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,11,0,0,13,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,19,4,20,6,19,16,1,19,0,2,0,0,12,7,0,2,13,96,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.2503430317888017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230618092931185,0.0,0.0,0.058151301749695995,0.0,0.06541668152619333,0.0,0.0,0.059792193980590526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598849292450896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212750923130528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924084260927156,0.0,0.06827461970025532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815943466619955,0.14730325107417525,0.08679319255185981,0.0,0.08934216144339817,0.0,0.0,0.07483239694651887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171067479807728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647518451631926,0.06109000988744271,0.08210522575503984,0.0936745535533874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893533030296679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910294419103559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731709749847948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784267961879441,0.08904790974406247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533098281624744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091381338577593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634305421322093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595236355954566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378390581136276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794535294454752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640227875609084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886617564281725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134178698432433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920798673586397,0.09660456787558988,0.0,0.2829466591925086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166310483044213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806097570725418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958566820062056,0.0,0.5430977655744587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787568978239962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074549010149165,0.0,0.0,0.11013424538054777
suicidewatch,FeelingsInACan,2019/01/08,"Sticking around for him I'm living in a transition home. I'm still in high school, final year. I cry myself to sleep every night when I'm alone. I tried to kill myself before. Sliced myself up. Probably would've tried again if not for him. I know he tries so hard, and he wants to help so bad. It would break my heart to have to look him in the face and see him shatter when I him how close I am to lying down on the train tracks and just how much thought I put into that. If I knew he'd be alright, I would've done it by now. He's all I got and he's the only one whose been there. I know it hurts him every time I break down in his arms because he can't fix any of it. He can only watch as I self-destruct, and suffer for it. There's just no point to any of this. I have no hope left. Bad news after bad news. Might have to go back to the place I ran from because no one gives a fuck. I'm just a dramatic teen who's overreacting to being screamed at and called a fucking bitch and a liar and an evil child over and over. See a therapist but can't say that's actually helping. Don't see a psychiatrist until next month but honestly, what's the point? Don't even think I'll make it to next month like this. Wouldn't that be nice. I just feel so much pain in my chest and I don't have anyone that I can talk to without knowing I bring them down, or is payed to listen. I don't know what else to say. I don't have anything deep or meaningful. Just wish I was gone. The people around me would be better off for it.",1.3482701130133137,2.5694954259818736,2.844887546156432,96.50121741076427,78.12386706948641,5.991316996755064,18.90578493901757,6.42735559955562,-0.31189837753160976,1170,22,291,9,27,383,171,331,0.14300000000000002,0.777,0.08,-0.9256,0,1,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,1,1,21,19,6,0,14,1,28,8,5,3,1,49,57,25,1,8,13,0,2,1,0,4,1,4,1,1,17,14,0,0,9,0,1,5,13,13,0,2,8,11,36,6,43,40,3,47,0,2,5,2,26,24,3,6,17,181,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.09559299023645944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145506518096592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332297555240702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849459209503855,0.0,0.08061118259924124,0.17440698249208167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532374433344492,0.2453728045382244,0.11942871615942498,0.0,0.08335514145340353,0.0,0.0,0.08663599280164212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002618844222703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760239027166044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024516263091443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183143590626295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647004115151481,0.0,0.16506787465096348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953056657957063,0.0,0.0,0.1073083275286221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112139886604328,0.0,0.09397035056198504,0.05567185456380377,0.0,0.07834605372137682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775123067854547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608083868319385,0.13131852008990733,0.10349812744728412,0.09825997700334684,0.09729451174608207,0.0,0.0,0.1048661888104273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837614125323623,0.0,0.2153408741185404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064317792643061,0.0,0.0,0.04785738724610002,0.0,0.0864988107858868,0.0,0.08226014575564526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538780284685296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391808050125946,0.0,0.0,0.15637846665762806,0.0,0.14402097240111078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835913458720628,0.09192705566328586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275790866708134,0.14900312221175152,0.10423434160150977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679118233076674,0.0,0.10234538152155964,0.0,0.1852041642816288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056154167445858,0.0,0.0,0.09847496243116624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580045061539635,0.0,0.0991388427617558,0.2341798064549913,0.0,0.10219167848358432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802885981947128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822947768766349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873502276386321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373692237900232,0.0,0.06276760512668522,0.0,0.07776780179036596,0.057120164987911726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952139113966866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777823461166126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126469986054386,0.09442812783333447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783465391797138,0.0,0.0,0.06308181478910335
suicidewatch,Suckmy3rdleg,2019/01/08,"I’m done. I (22M) haven’t had an easy life. My life has always been riddled with trauma but I’ve always managed to find my way through. 

At 16, my mother tricked me into going to Africa for holiday and planned to leave me there forever. After 2 years in a country I despised, filled with ignorant regressive people who didn’t know any better I managed to gain back my freedom by convincing my relatives that I shared their beliefs in Islam although I despised the ideology. I prayed more than 5 times a day for a year to convince them, I was even sent to an “Islamic propagation centre” for 6 months and I survived that & im proud of myself. The horrors I faced I could never describe. 

When I landed in England, I knew what I wanted in life. I studied hard and got into a good university. I worked out so hard that I got the ideal body & met plenty of women and generally enjoyed life. 

Now I face new challenges that have overwhelmed me. I broke my jaw over the summer and now I can’t even breathe properly. My cognitive function is impaired, my speech is horrendous and my body is deteriorating. All I’m left with is back pain and a fucked up face. I went from an 8 with absolute confidence to someone who can barely maintain eye contact (because I’m aware of how ugly I am) my lower face has shortened and now all I do is look at old pictures realising il never look like that ever again.

I failed a module at university and now I’ve been withdrawn. my mother has disowned me because I’ve told her im atheist & now I’m in debt, living alone struggling to even cover my rent. I have strong views against religion. My outlook on the world is unconventional. The more I learn about the world, the less I want to be in it. I’m disappointed in myself for giving up but this is simply too much to handle. I can’t imagine living  life with the broken tools I’m left with. Even if I recover academically, I could never live life like a wanted to because of my other impairments.

I’m very opinionated but I like to think I’m open minded. I just can’t stand my phone-fixed peers so I spent most of my time alone at university at the gym or studying etc, never needed anyone. Now that I can’t work out & im no longer studying I realise that I have no one. People were only around me because of the energy I gave off and now the aura is gone. 

Death is something I’ve always pondered during the rough times of my past & I very had plenty of close calls; not on purpose, with the exception being the time I thought I’d never come back to England so I stole my cousins gun and held it up to my held. I didn’t pull the trigger, the weapon was jammed with a larger round in the magazine which I had to remove before I could use it. Whilst doing so, I decided to go on my last ride and stole a motorcycle rode like a kid with a death screaming the pain out. I stopped and had the most intense conversation with myself. Told myself “you’re strong, no matter how hopeless it seems m, you’re strong and you’ll find a way out of this”. 

This time it’s different, I don’t see the end goal. I just see a fucked up chance at existence. What is death besides from a release from existence? 
We tell ourselves stories to make the unknown bearable but I genuinely love it for what it is. A door back to whatever it was before I was conscious. Does anything come afterwards? If you cut the religious bullshit, nobody knows & there’s only one way to find out. It has to be better than this, right? ",3.6710088122398234,5.067656320916907,4.9639914580742825,82.93010569281506,72.46704871060172,7.5601881386170735,27.78299183651403,8.092016823424146,1.7920354327728818,2744,102,542,40,53,912,323,698,0.187,0.693,0.121,-0.9944,4,2,1,1,0,1,75.0,1,2,2,15,31,36,7,2,41,0,49,20,9,5,8,94,93,29,3,10,11,3,4,4,0,1,8,2,2,2,27,37,0,4,15,2,3,12,17,18,0,2,28,12,83,18,86,58,9,93,4,5,7,3,25,39,2,7,42,356,110,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249513726600592,0.0,0.0,0.1596698901289117,0.41583077762204257,0.0,0.04349781530027999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472522079318434,0.0,0.05263704520129435,0.056941654525134486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673793175427745,0.0,0.15596780814068786,0.0,0.1088575606254506,0.0,0.0,0.1131421850447328,0.0,0.14209950152446146,0.0,0.0,0.06531454858468047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019890259032993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321050645787593,0.0,0.0,0.041251585010410256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668289224843199,0.0,0.0,0.05597545855237765,0.0654575331421104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056653251173078574,0.0,0.07133693520627415,0.16899087077763586,0.05785923552690981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538622237563864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826765160400116,0.0,0.06136024098174241,0.07270460079176179,0.053650094108658536,0.10231594769120693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459862879469238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072767743194048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030604786568742,0.052139319282878974,0.0,0.0677287989629434,0.13899447186728645,0.0,0.2710786239658434,0.1249986105879323,0.0,0.1694445485000658,0.0,0.10742755212837474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773014253773043,0.0,0.042696566693161485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458555718657458,0.0,0.05105557413100242,0.0,0.04702100992550747,0.04742860660311775,0.2466654780213094,0.061776974479901325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711961530565869,0.0,0.08668752664353348,0.09729523654287356,0.13612473042809492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610610186955284,0.08868937529224764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054625034450245566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194229187682426,0.058230559668689286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419661656913128,0.04924272753538071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053476893372734965,0.0,0.06686921749546568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590748627480579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04098564444409259,0.0,0.05078039009048508,0.18649005072420316,0.0,0.0,0.12224097254870445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524448828241607,0.0,0.10555424493478337,0.11318313844958887,0.1523152945178578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059295407710518534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313332575344817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238163067130007
suicidewatch,iliketoswimandgame,2019/01/08,"Help me. I’m really confused I don’t know how to explain this. I feel like I just can’t laugh anymore. I love to make people laugh but nothing is funny or amusing to me anymore. I know that I shouldn’t be depressed and thinking about suicide at my age, which is 14 btw you pedos. I just feel like life just turned on me suddenly. Like I had a whole plan, an idea of what my life would be like and it’s not going that way. Is started to actually talk to girls and actually go on dates with them, but it’s not what I thought it’d be like. It’s tough and I don’t want it anymore. I know that’s selfish but I just dislike what I have right now and wish that I could give it to someone else. The things I have right now is everything I wished for but it just doesn’t seem right and I don’t feel like there’s a point in my life. I feel like I’m not that suicidal but I definitely wouldn’t be sad or mad or be complaining if someone shot up my school and I died or if I got hit by a car or I got struck with a disease that kills me. I feel like I just want to go back and just play with fucking toys man. Please help. I don’t know what to do and I definitely am not going to tell my parents because I’m way to young for this depresso espresso shit. ",0.9008515815085154,2.3587624124087654,2.7727189781021906,95.51788625304137,79.98540145985402,6.0265206812652075,22.36557177615572,6.816661863887847,0.3078447688564472,967,30,239,10,24,323,125,274,0.171,0.621,0.207,0.634,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,1,1,13,23,4,1,6,0,25,7,1,2,0,60,58,22,4,10,23,1,5,8,0,3,3,0,0,2,21,12,1,0,14,3,0,5,12,10,0,0,4,5,37,13,23,43,1,24,0,2,0,2,13,9,2,9,16,149,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.1826409829499422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784183702029388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195717316981408,0.0,0.057045443546256076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471594214238829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806002379285506,0.0,0.0971211704939237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817400550581739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841035875479298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658406708962965,0.33426752607829097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651311733301603,0.0,0.08977037517258063,0.212734473835954,0.0,0.1496888027723153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254492799598855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564032592933957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353230356038902,0.0,0.20571628118872973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829477023991346,0.3657473304861636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445952087966282,0.0,0.062465315476298126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979244591552553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390941377515032,0.0,0.0,0.06487652563307117,0.0,0.0,0.10272263783735636,0.08846326107998964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994968553257887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397501912291759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947078632321141,0.0,0.08519163393642755,0.0,0.0,0.09605843113074812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585799053150087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662363407756147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472246217865805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521598557910464,0.08179296458986463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062170332921922825,0.05996222667265848,0.0,0.07429199424411051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178806812588156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039170902053616,0.1485587509068909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044786257295012,0.21522455256150266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664764819454146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Musicfanatic75,2019/01/08,"I care too much for people, and they take advantage of that I tried to fix him. I couldn’t. He was too broken. He turned on me and made all of his problems my own. He spread horrible rumors about me. I had to quit my job, and I’m suffering these horrible nightmares ever since. You can’t help those who don’t want to be help. Why am I still here if I am just someone’s punching bag? Everyone takes advantage of me. My therapist gave up on me. My meds aren’t working anymore. I feel stir crazy over winter break and I can’t get over this horrible loneliness. The nights are horrible. I don’t know what’s worse: the pure loneliness or the fear of going to sleep because I’ll have a nightmare. How can I go on like this? There aren’t enough people in the world who are good. I just can’t.  Part of me thinks I’m silly, that maybe the manipulation was my fault. Maybe I let them walk all over me because I can’t say no. I don’t want to live like this. I’m too overwhelmed.",0.4364002557544779,2.6245884754902002,2.214228473998297,94.9853324808184,85.81372549019608,5.900767263427111,19.6538789428815,7.255503002510835,0.3558344416027284,755,22,174,12,23,248,116,204,0.207,0.6759999999999999,0.118,-0.9728,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,2,4,11,12,0,2,6,0,21,1,1,3,4,22,38,7,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,11,5,0,0,5,2,30,7,20,30,6,17,0,2,0,0,15,9,0,2,6,110,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338523964653694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856361430550012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769037003672065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980937204960052,0.0,0.0,0.1399025440181351,0.0,0.14778818702902544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404012521577647,0.07820282217867576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080561500956104,0.0,0.17579835820436465,0.12972491918118792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073361882275264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348026612521518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499935115540729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581545333642748,0.0,0.1511221455030337,0.0,0.13657124449986993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634692242402214,0.0,0.0,0.3107617776062873,0.0,0.1717969619364827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369591822244075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451417919053308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748616142017608,0.0,0.21444924250673494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799266736757816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450432112514946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299510964870347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279397517255737,0.0,0.15477580860143886,0.0,0.13104640021851732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351495965447655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325763281197857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957695480155506,0.0,0.09910251792532702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500677964902846,0.1682301409702194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244980096784205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956030464282393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259731559810493,0.0,0.15761594348273456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue-polka-dots,2019/01/08,"What if I just offed myself Do you think I'd get to watch while everyone realized how fucked my head really was?
Do you think I'd finally get to feel their sympathy from the grave?",3.0674774774774782,4.683971783783786,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,74.4054054054054,10.33873873873874,23.144144144144143,10.504223727775694,2.464430630630631,144,4,31,5,3,48,29,37,0.18,0.759,0.061,-0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,7,9,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,4,8,0,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507619631793456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560736135270567,0.0,0.0,0.40211967880001015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393607952579235,0.3835697118485036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767313705731332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23516171402639174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704218170925514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maxis4fish,2019/01/08,"Too big of a loser to even kill myself I’d do it in a heartbeat if I wasn’t so scared of hell, or some other terrible punishment. I can’t even comprehend how awful I’d feel if I ended this existence, just to wake up in an even worse situation.
Wish I wasn’t raised religious, or else I’d probably have finished this by now.
I curse at god everyday. I didn’t sign up for this, I don’t want this, why would he put me here. If he exists, he’s the most worthless piece of garbage. He is evil. This place is hell.
I smoke weed everyday to feel ok. But before I smoked weed all the time, I had hope and wanted to move forward.(not knocking weed, just personal experience for me)
Now I’m a 21 year old who’s been through rehab and has nothing but a GED. I’ve no money for college, and even if I did, every degree seems meaningless. Money means nothing to me.
The one thing I do have is the best friends in the world. Because that’s all I ever cared to do. Be the best friend I could be. I’m glad they’ve given me that back in return. Too bad if I told them this they would probably freak out and call my parents or worse. I’m forced to act normal around them, but interestingly when I’m around them I almost feel normal. Almost.

I won’t ever be killing myself like most of you plan to do. Though believe me I’d love to. I’m just too much of a worthless scared little bitch to ever help myself.",1.2209637964774984,3.1295901472602736,3.0654990215264206,91.65890410958905,80.74657534246576,6.0892367906066545,20.70254403131116,7.1686216300943375,0.43006125244618376,1081,30,241,14,28,361,154,292,0.211,0.634,0.155,-0.9516,1,0,2,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,4,4,23,26,7,2,12,2,25,3,1,1,5,47,43,19,2,14,14,1,3,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,12,7,0,0,5,0,2,3,7,15,0,1,8,3,31,11,30,28,9,32,2,3,0,1,18,14,3,15,16,157,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337557709030436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969236431851236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192527012261694,0.0889592583340391,0.06494784558535206,0.0,0.09066055518229052,0.12003788602239153,0.22362137390897854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879268655563464,0.0,0.10862805999092716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506620636743943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900330898932089,0.0,0.09436579645405398,0.0,0.0,0.28148354744332243,0.2891237164504029,0.08976737905833188,0.0,0.0,0.1042198537248262,0.0,0.0,0.1616145778040879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463027693779148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141377082134179,0.0,0.0,0.10582160017112566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574889234697716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205170576947225,0.10678444032990536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961595454307792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605695727944285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323873429194715,0.07832163132418815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087797501709948,0.20446246183794897,0.0,0.11179933763480096,0.0,0.07219654057767765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830379678371067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302955557588458,0.11131513842220317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297435323344932,0.0,0.0,0.10710550794944633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133369873207704,0.0,0.0,0.09699307678413292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975920474203325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707826766099004,0.0,0.10467831384246563,0.0,0.06212629214723338,0.0,0.0,0.1018067497894826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568407265613155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961388139400172,0.0,0.1225196101298293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171535796406853,0.1513706973265034,0.0,0.0,0.0686104330334985
suicidewatch,throwawaymyyear,2019/01/08,"bullshit rant ✌️ I’m so sad and it’s so stupid. 

it’s not the kind of sad that I can be distracted from, it’s heavy and it sits on my chest. I don’t want to move or breath or eat or anything. I want to lie very still somewhere dark and cool. I want to be unconscious in a way where I don’t dream. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to relive horrible things every minute of everyday inside my brain. it’s like I’m assaulted again everyday. 

everything is too much. I’d honestly rather die than go to school or get out of bed. I feel so terribly lonely, but I can’t bear to talk to anyone. I feel so terribly suicidal, but I can’t bear to actually kill myself. I can’t do anything. I’m floating through life and I hate it so much. I can pretend to be happy and socially okay but I’m not. I’m really not. I can make jokes and tease and laugh and listen but it’s all fake. I’m fake. because I’m not happy. I’m just sad. that’s all I’ll ever be. this is all so hopeless. 

it’s such a stupid edgy teenager thing to say but I really don’t feel like people understand. it’s not their fault I refuse to let anyone in. I feel sick telling anyone anything personal. I feel sick touching or being touched. I feel sick talking and breathing and living. I’m sick. I’m draining everyone’s patience and resources, they don’t have the heart to tell me to fuck off.  all I can do is scream disgusting writing into the internet. ",-0.4152856054836249,1.7757368646864715,2.1218481848184823,93.68784463061691,91.24422442244223,5.747956334094948,20.31048489464331,7.2200825789825185,0.6298239654734701,1102,38,250,20,39,377,143,303,0.318,0.573,0.109,-0.9979,0,2,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,2,0,14,30,8,1,5,2,25,12,5,1,5,51,54,27,3,6,17,0,8,2,0,0,5,3,1,1,14,13,1,1,8,3,0,2,14,20,0,0,0,12,27,10,26,48,6,16,0,5,0,1,13,7,1,5,7,143,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.1148769693202793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469360295742398,0.0,0.2906186424575053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176053876058114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141357222530886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217395617322065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045614209925395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648376644342306,0.0991835129601903,0.11248575142890707,0.10579843680667196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571342227062523,0.08409862828779446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882951422124673,0.061503429379239076,0.0,0.06690254079205388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506285794541345,0.0,0.11622334997043905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394978325408167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302388660821475,0.12258644376010053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120375869580663,0.08314856052311735,0.11502332112050855,0.0,0.103948220557924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857848784704581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511689199416842,0.1730743309428247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161167909175436,0.1027878749266555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082788264611965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361504196677106,0.0,0.11913812686703155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199999114953798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401071444713123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876571088820446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923648631771905,0.2057835592437616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641482677873506,0.07542971749925967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254985086561936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713067812242183,0.34716920500370485,0.0934400307890772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,retarded_cheese,2019/01/08,You ever wish you where hated I wish i were hated by everyone so i don't feel guilty about wanting dying,2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454553,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,78.0909090909091,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.6446545454545456,84,2,16,1,2,29,17,22,0.28600000000000003,0.442,0.272,-0.3409,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29237316104693595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548251392555896,0.0,0.26918842401551163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244233506774512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562656605822477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166161367061196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6479110831068067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,demxnyouth,2019/01/08,fastest way? what is the fastest way?,-0.16714285714285634,0.10507014285714432,-2.424999999999999,118.6825,133.28571428571428,1.4,32.07142857142857,3.1291,0.14591428571428675,29,2,7,0,2,7,5,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jobbluetooth,2019/01/08,"tired of hurting everybody I’m so sad and numb all the time, and it’s starting to have an impact on those around me. I wish I could die without hurting everybody I’ve already hurt. ",1.5258108108108104,3.884315567567569,3.006689189189192,89.98138513513516,82.51351351351352,5.8621621621621625,28.16891891891892,7.1686216300943375,1.6083567567567574,144,7,29,2,4,47,31,37,0.455,0.49,0.055,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,5,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256893682825868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072357853143038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586686020386667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416031505649565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7476315459571795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477260860734594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574390290354252,0.2675621608213383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677013143135737,0.22440485980186026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depression_mx_k,2019/01/08,"Can someone just talk to me? I'm just really about to like, I don't know. I'm not, crazy. I have everything going for me. I just, an exhausted. Tired of being alive.",-1.6919047619047591,0.12655871428571785,1.5192857142857152,94.55988095238098,104.71428571428572,5.761904761904763,14.404761904761903,7.1686216300943375,0.16119047619047588,125,3,29,3,6,44,26,35,0.147,0.652,0.201,0.2499,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116413778687833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603049242106268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517173639897101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237668146251086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934211473603003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880812497384256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681413937770041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264298546508785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jcorrin,2019/01/08,"I’m obsessed I can’t stop thinking about slitting my wrists. I’m obsessed. It’s the way I would choose to go. I’ve felt this way since I was 12 or 13 and I am now 27. I’m so tired of fighting. It feels inevitable. 
I’m drunk but the alcohol has just given me more clarity. I didn’t want this to be impulsive but hey, I don’t have work for a couple of days.  Would give them some time to find a replacement. ",-1.2473333333333336,0.7683721555555572,1.2327777777777804,99.5825,94.11111111111113,4.777777777777779,18.61111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.15388888888888894,314,10,78,4,12,106,64,90,0.126,0.802,0.07200000000000001,-0.1072,0,0,1,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,2,4,0,10,4,1,0,0,15,21,5,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,2,1,5,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,2,9,0,7,14,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767684114884329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28655390991713964,0.0,0.1670191980469752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130946911419602,0.0,0.248659214413186,0.0,0.2367009348632727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484350174218394,0.14718300055017408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142290376423633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651696153987304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165942459296129,0.0,0.0,0.15101198515322875,0.29765678010767793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275176304554555,0.4111289030347401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885388570507429,0.0,0.0,0.3679406690347891,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jihters,2019/01/08,"This seemed like the most appropriate place to post. I guess I dont know where to start I haven't felt happy in a long time and I've been able to pretty much convince myself that there is a purpose a reason if you will. As of lately though I haven't been sleeping well i haven't really been able to convince myself, there's just this pressure I believe is the best way to put it a noise a feeling that things wont change. I really dont know why I'm so unhappy though I mean I have good friends and a good job a family who loves and cares about me but none of that seems to matter I just cant shake this feeling of, i dont know how to put it sadness, hatred towards my self, emptiness, I dont know but it wont go away. I have thought about how to do it so many times ran scenarios through my head over and over. But I've never been able to bring myself to do it everytime I always think about how I'll be affecting everyone else's life and it just makes me hate myself even more. I wish I could stop caring about others and just fucking do it already but I dont know why but I cant seem to; maybe someday.Like I said I cant sleep so I've been drinking myself to a comatose like state and hoping for the best. Hoping that maybe one day I wont wake up or maybe one day I'll wake up with the ability to just do it.",1.7454370549916691,2.9709687944250898,3.2967307983638854,93.65179518254813,77.08362369337979,6.385032570822602,21.53749431904257,6.8959733430537185,0.2804941372519316,1032,26,244,10,23,341,136,287,0.102,0.7140000000000001,0.184,0.949,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,22,21,2,2,12,0,30,9,5,6,1,49,60,23,0,5,12,0,3,2,1,4,1,1,0,1,18,8,1,1,15,1,0,6,16,5,1,2,9,4,31,16,31,45,6,27,0,1,0,2,6,9,1,9,11,163,49,1,0.25098398947818545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232235783381344,0.0,0.06961292838468194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860257333415613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942576696424268,0.17559480831715302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059660298603682,0.0,0.08850259385951416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679676428174458,0.0,0.0,0.1079092732173554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902522773953622,0.08195625302863002,0.0,0.0,0.06988830588230567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525751932132047,0.0,0.0,0.07994198587632767,0.0,0.0,0.07886845609233091,0.0,0.08460336420351154,0.0,0.08032799648151405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463653589271375,0.0773435513234855,0.0,0.0,0.04754666171625335,0.1403423083463839,0.0,0.0,0.09216238686513134,0.0,0.0,0.08905904127594963,0.0,0.08259824274462423,0.08586066069577859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618915511561613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302096069740161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989039469805694,0.0,0.09437362407482852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590924714156093,0.08174539971202947,0.0,0.0,0.07403764422754729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550761652441618,0.0,0.05584458729976905,0.08481945727867864,0.2521471519718809,0.0911317143398409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150070361814085,0.0,0.06452477511924415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133821645247468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740828326186809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012442784579914,0.08511364922409405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168205487779084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071911803147178,0.08601778083599787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795810829163428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848639772153145,0.08727701286664535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674434980758422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059215919853388026,0.0,0.0,0.0699446178409576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055580870085117806,0.053606802056101,0.16439366356466634,0.06641775082066774,0.09756718841633846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640646950156226,0.0,0.0,0.07522158283542825,0.0,0.15098267496117868,0.0,0.09620640048744418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paull113,2019/01/08,"BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES IN TUCSON A There are groups out there, some totally free, I use them, but let me tell you something that a lot of other people will take umbrage with, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES the one I used put me over a barrel just to look good on their reports to Federal Agencies. RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH, I am a strong person, fought everyone's battles came from a caretaker position in life. After a year with COPE in Tucson I'm a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However there is one group called HOPE, duhhhh how funny the names sound so much alike. AVOID at almost ALL COSTS the label SMI. Severely Mentally Impaired. Get help for sure!!! Generally Catholic Services will help, no you don't have to be Catholic, HELL I'm a Deep Water Baptist, and they helped me, but not until I spent one year at the hands of COPE BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SEVICES, there are many such organizations out there,, CAUTION if they all report to the same Federally sponsored agency. There are all kinds of meds out there and you may have to go through a lot of them to find the right ones but your Primary Care Dr. can get them for you,, again let me say NO BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICE that reports to or is run by a Federal Agency. DO NOT do a voluntary committal,, they will tell you it's voluntary just like they told me, GUESS WHAT, In order for me to get out of that facility it took an attorney and a charge of kidnapping. You can find me on out look under the same name if you need to",4.478172215108836,6.192664531690142,4.900883482714471,82.9181882202305,70.93661971830986,8.543918053777206,28.402048655569786,9.095868883498916,2.337378873239436,1173,44,225,24,22,372,159,284,0.109,0.7709999999999999,0.12,0.3549,1,1,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,8,8,1,13,14,4,1,21,0,20,9,1,3,6,46,41,12,0,4,10,0,1,1,0,4,6,2,0,1,7,11,1,1,2,0,3,5,5,6,0,4,5,5,27,9,42,29,10,30,1,0,2,1,30,18,2,10,6,157,34,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227823868806268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534629901388484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144934335520462,0.128242554561849,0.11432018053988165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714143304303037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496271486870005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365890757649107,0.17574400696208736,0.0,0.06372392950773652,0.09404617528553913,0.0,0.0,0.1235197011076545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767398246211296,0.0,0.0,0.22546757736476386,0.0,0.0,0.1113666619618602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676223067600687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229313366481344,0.07919808346164056,0.05477922004196585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831561371540975,0.0,0.0,0.19065144922051014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367841445455955,0.0,0.0,0.12454698216643433,0.0,0.11299688351472788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242569216376575,0.08314019060454579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30391858434678304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773422091121324,0.09790431302803666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271784662838592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957552013698576,0.0,0.0891672911750289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667074242467213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632026210338092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195116592809529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056776598217259,0.0,0.08430498264974959,0.0,0.1960065622000724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714143304303037,0.12457638487880195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936821515371587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441125234058524
suicidewatch,morganic-tofu,2019/01/09,"I can't think of a title, I'm crying I'm really new to this sub, but I need help. I'm falling deeper and deeper into suicidality. Today at work I couldn't fucking handle things and I just kept thinking ""tonight's the night"". I have a plan. I have intent. I just can't fucking do it. Buried deep within my nihilism is a will to live. I want to live, just not as this person. I hate who I am. I'm transgender. I'm autistic. I have schizoaffective disorder. I feel like I'm at a disadvantage in life. I don't believe in an afterlife, but maybe I'll get lucky and I'll reincarnate into someone built to last. I feel like I wasn't built to exist. I was doomed from the start.  I just want this pain to end. There's a voice in my head screaming at me to do it, but I just can't bring myself to. I love my mom and my dad and my little sister. And I love my dogs. I just don't love life. No matter how many medications or types of therapy I try, I don't get better. I just don't want to be alive. I wish I could make it so I never existed. Then the ones I love wouldn't have to deal with my passing. So what do I do? I've tried psychiatry. I've tried therapy. I've been hospitalized twice. Hell I've even done drugs just to escape this feeling, but highs are fading and drugs are expensive. I don't want to be alive. What do I do?",-0.6070383275261335,1.4675352648083615,2.162703832752616,94.16217421602785,90.0801393728223,5.3705923344947735,17.25923344947735,6.868970318607317,-0.06354188153310103,1019,26,241,15,35,354,136,287,0.135,0.6609999999999999,0.204,0.949,0,0,2,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,0,3,13,15,4,0,9,0,32,13,1,3,1,45,62,17,1,9,14,3,3,2,0,2,6,2,0,1,11,10,0,1,5,0,1,3,14,7,0,2,5,5,40,8,26,51,0,25,2,1,0,6,11,12,3,2,12,149,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602328561055115,0.0,0.098927446109059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930782752080592,0.0,0.12286844440251925,0.0,0.11531851250240308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819654233406952,0.0,0.0,0.11446741248258285,0.0,0.0,0.25943464435818897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907111923129024,0.0,0.0,0.07387976136030884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967309882176673,0.15981974239401467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681793843514726,0.11688017319498956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043453520359504,0.11479641504636018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074974646213493,0.11818189062451248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911774807333042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801424819632168,0.1092942769998289,0.1121089888233139,0.1975416028788514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038172366928666,0.0,0.07466467611368115,0.11340431744719773,0.11237427740853163,0.0,0.0,0.1126830427925779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100426816370087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293972618440466,0.08627015917810177,0.10803111697418404,0.0,0.10496917679371023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579644689525121,0.0,0.11902255492247504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976682499254894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165774829241775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477513383387977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791721756827309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235219029322594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25583392040619024,0.0,0.0743120840117494,0.14334547738794198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602630612222247,0.0,0.0,0.22782842362949096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639020114380612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862875490330328,0.0,0.0,0.08143242116801068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AshRyzE,2019/01/09,"Hopeless ...No human contact for years, chronically ill and jobless, and not educated Hello.
I’m a 23 years old male. Years ago I was a student in an infamous college in my country. I started developing health issues, from various infections, to extremely severe IBS which some doctor is still unsure could be IBD because it’s unclear, other weird symptoms and even at some point a life threatening infection. I also had asthma and another lung condition. My symptoms were so disabling I was basically bedridden for months and I had to go to the toilets dozens of times a day.
I had to dropout of school because of my health. Health issues have lasted years and even if they’re improving I’m still impaired by them. Even if I my health would improve i wouldn’t know what to do. Most of job without training and education isn’t compatible with my condition. I’d often be off work probably and unless I’d manage to work endless hours with unbearable level of pain it would be complicated. My physical exertion are limited due to lung condition and chronic pain. Most boss can’t have someone like me. and a low wage wouldn’t be enough in the long term to pay for my hundred of dollars monthly health cost my family currently affords for me.
I’m a complete waste and I have no clue what to do. I can’t start college again as I’ve dropped out too much times ( I was registered for years while I was not going to the actual college so that was considered failures, but that college tuition was basically free so i kept being registered if I would eventually go better)

I have had no human contact with people outside my family for almost 6 years and even my contact with family has went downhill. I’m in a rural area and there’s almost no one around so it’s quite bad to socialize with people. On my own unless calling a Uber or something i can’t go out as I don’t know how to drive. Not having human interaction and no one to talk to is awfully hurting me right now.
I have suffered so much, physically and mentally I don’t see how I could ever recover. I’m thinking of the worst...
I really need help at this point... please something helps.",3.8403041362530415,6.02830445985402,5.284884428223847,77.50693734793187,73.74452554744525,8.459610705596107,30.638077858880767,9.150863307647796,3.0152778588807787,1707,79,301,40,36,572,210,411,0.124,0.825,0.051,-0.9666,5,0,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,1,6,21,12,0,0,13,1,41,19,2,3,1,59,59,33,0,11,11,0,0,1,0,5,17,0,0,4,10,23,0,2,3,0,6,6,17,9,0,3,13,1,36,4,50,34,11,51,0,4,1,0,15,17,0,12,28,212,46,15,0.0,0.0,0.08077844624793655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337684779077003,0.0,0.16577848854950422,0.0,0.0,0.06619676565396662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679893953995353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368911164747778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911536732650743,0.100920225477628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320956139517105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452460861910235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679014717822882,0.0,0.0,0.1321814549775398,0.0,0.0,0.05338434014286948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472580374460194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553080571819204,0.0,0.2186938059314898,0.07487656799115637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341044672645685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817638825947974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399405913410166,0.0,0.0,0.110967404515769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151870613736435,0.0,0.08861452890107656,0.0,0.0,0.17279543853376889,0.08214343536409009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098418818126748,0.06747433231262409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058467868420900675,0.040440678481373935,0.0,0.0,0.07325507187614819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341978275914827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214368053547984,0.0,0.12170129157902958,0.061378123210640775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686057451687228,0.0,0.1121837235421279,0.0,0.1761612046954305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147743480999608,0.0,0.0,0.09086432787394028,0.15650210954078492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892476450768251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804356684156936,0.0,0.0,0.053029088785635586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069113632050646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377477952414486,0.06596258038476208,0.0,0.0,0.0935144889516259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438076367997896,0.07013671384479017,0.1274516126179397,0.0,0.0,0.1171800240358856,0.0,0.1322116954970385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207406999543234,0.0,0.06653304586903723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053040182175448175,0.0,0.0,0.09653591054607412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673514153043125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979410864342898,0.0,0.12052533592112988,0.0,0.0,0.17640729381262776,0.0,0.0,0.3198341827717223
suicidewatch,venivied,2019/01/09,"Title It feels like I can't even get out with suicide. I can't figure out a way to die. I spend all my time on suicide resource pages trying to figure out the cheapest and easiest way to die. Don't have access to a gun or I'd already be dead. Bridge too far. Toaster in the bath doesn't even work anymore. Cant do car poisoning, they don't emit enough anymore.

I feel so trapped in my body I'm going to lose it. My quality of life is so low I should be allowed to die. 

I can't afford insurance, I'm disabled so I can't work, and can't do school. I wasted many years trying to get a degree so I know. I'm 25.

We are all going to die to global warming anyway. Why does anyone act like I should go on? 

There is no future. I have no future because it was taken away from me by society.

I don't hate myself. I actually think I'm too good for this shitty world which is why I desperately want out. Life is disgusting. Ive been through so much hell for absolutely no reason. This country is evil and going down a shithole.

I don't want to be around when all the poor people die off from global warming, leaving all the shithead useless rich people to live in domes and shit. I cant handle innocent people being fucked over by the rich anymore. 

I want agency for the first time in my fucking life by killing myself before the rich can do it first.

",0.7738297872340425,2.9029741843971664,2.930609929078013,90.79400000000004,83.75177304964541,5.178439716312057,21.102127659574467,6.42735559955562,0.32636085106382984,1048,33,222,10,30,355,144,282,0.285,0.603,0.112,-0.9965,2,1,0,1,0,4,28.0,1,0,1,5,13,20,9,0,11,0,33,8,2,2,4,29,54,11,9,5,1,0,4,2,0,2,4,0,2,0,7,11,0,0,7,1,5,6,15,12,0,2,3,4,27,8,37,45,7,36,1,3,0,2,2,20,4,1,10,142,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.09719703690308826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991311714933724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29633481123488764,0.06964392869242267,0.0,0.0,0.08866676244516956,0.0,0.0,0.09357921584572268,0.0,0.0,0.060716362691041276,0.0,0.08475383749234915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063520063054118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168549708887786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716224928154002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291533528913777,0.0,0.1315721638192739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072337512942944,0.0711555808405617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694425637878609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841606089104992,0.10407571039541852,0.0,0.2264241044920288,0.08354130537941516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833620527176562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019468869786928,0.0,0.05473857140745687,0.0,0.0,0.10546397673943887,0.0,0.0,0.2110551946162133,0.09732086469391428,0.0,0.08795025747423968,0.0,0.0,0.11142899188597012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098064177689478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321881936459386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715414320224232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024072894560575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080238869616027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223986670096973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178965135850569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382084310497928,0.0,0.0,0.1161572782796584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524623489363602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762432534389855,0.15811862333363927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797503533261188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502266467625227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641403251933397
suicidewatch,imaginesith,2019/01/09,"What if therapy and meds don’t help? It’s been a few years since I was “saved” from my well prepared and perfect attempt. (Someone got to me before I was all the way dead.) And sure, things could be worst. But, I really wished no one revived me. What if I can’t be helped? Don’t I have a right to die?

Life hasn’t gotten better. Days are not easier. And I’m failing at life even more and am more of a burden on family and friends now. I want to die but am caught between society’s “anti-suicide” rhetoric and what I know i need to do...Sometimes, I think I did die and this reality is my punishment. On some TV-ish, what if this is the Bad Place? ",0.0857907542579106,2.118592664233581,2.2698102189781046,95.0566374695864,85.86131386861314,5.69712895377129,20.082238442822387,7.03164865440522,0.29209333333333376,493,15,116,7,15,166,90,137,0.215,0.672,0.112,-0.9615,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,4,3,11,1,0,5,0,17,2,0,0,3,25,26,13,4,7,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,7,0,14,6,10,16,6,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,4,3,79,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271329790402792,0.0,0.0,0.14544261117028734,0.0,0.0,0.15116722009817365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646785144381826,0.0,0.0,0.11023098817124202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321722682057394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128928177731625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113069046599054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205443815877468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670248084810113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22913173829320044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393463461699228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145548657354304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985656512021765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126737001066199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158216311158238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857782099783262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094974451874332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459670343532049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138900671556412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482223164141725,0.0,0.16904690046755905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696166945581366,0.0,0.16109260260424754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954649800217564,0.0,0.11355343336543902,0.10952035144267466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081462479944436,0.13567046715950534,0.0,0.0,0.1536800158231555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965526460875766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006860165208224
suicidewatch,karupeenis,2019/01/09,"I'm killing myself My parents never loved me, I have a lot of issues now because of them. I had dinner with them today and all these shitty memories came back and I confronted them about it, and of course they didn't understand the damage they've done. I can't believe I even confronted them about it. It made feel way worse than I ever imagined.

So now I'm here.",2.186525096525095,4.2841436756756766,3.522046332046333,88.64013513513515,78.45945945945945,6.390733590733591,22.73359073359073,7.447530270364453,0.9529482625482624,288,9,58,4,7,94,52,74,0.236,0.7290000000000001,0.035,-0.9351,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,5,0,9,5,3,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,3,13,12,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,1,14,1,7,7,2,8,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032638138867555,0.0,0.15088492733376987,0.0,0.0,0.27886849127252256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830951250992446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532972733113285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348357754924614,0.2238945754803569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515274683490238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25834491612936705,0.0,0.0,0.27384245135617585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043130360212325,0.2233950317213253,0.2342079073611112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090145932382654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27483990608373776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461851419169244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25767539739794404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646859540329564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522424091904172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ineedathrowaway34634,2019/01/09,"Tomorrow might be it I can't handle the chronic pain anymore. I fought for over 10 years while working more than full-time, with no medicine to help the pain, but this is it. I'm crippled, jobless, broke, broken, friendless, now car-less, and miserable. I'm going to my hospital tomorrow to get an emergency psych appt and hopefully pain meds. I've asked for help many times, but none of my doctors will listen. If they won't give me anything to help with the pain, then I'll leave them an organ donation. Then, at least, someone could be happy and maybe experience all of the things I missed out on. I hope my family will understand, even though I didn't want to hurt them.",5.8132251908396935,6.18104935877863,5.838998091603056,82.36552003816797,66.86259541984732,9.603435114503815,30.878816793893126,9.516144504307137,2.5751900763358773,530,19,106,10,8,167,93,131,0.252,0.594,0.155,-0.9121,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,1,3,12,1,1,6,0,10,6,0,0,1,16,23,10,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,9,0,0,2,1,12,3,16,14,4,13,0,4,0,0,10,4,0,4,8,65,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502824754351046,0.0,0.0,0.12034095473783454,0.0,0.13671226790431726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167586981912286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968021875846604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965884514109212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304827929000855,0.13785964575845958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640302785012344,0.14028427991062287,0.08311010847640236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567247655408728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940596249705876,0.0,0.0,0.29049355329480514,0.0,0.0,0.15655020648814585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484433632773606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826181357188334,0.14691516639281635,0.0,0.16243683147324128,0.0,0.0,0.15513481652063524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6224277962602841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390651026378707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715365864282947,0.0,0.14367754452698125,0.0,0.08527222858894801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223833472731518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625463232317547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646259964079544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417211822900863
suicidewatch,SuzyFloozy,2019/01/09,"How to stage accidental death I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and wondered what would be the best way to die but have it look like an accident? I mainly want my sons to think that so they don’t worry or feel guilty about if they could have done something.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with dying early. What does it matter now it 30 years from now? My sons are grown, have good lives and don’t need me. They hardly think of me in fact. I’ve had a decent life though have never really been loved and am lonely. Health issues are starting to arise. I have a stressful job I feel stuck in because I can’t afford to quit and I’m considered too old. (57).

I have thought about running my car into a semi but that seems unfair to the driver. Tripping off of a high ledge or cliff, getting caught in undertow. 

Have others thought about this?",3.0488972431077705,4.711703000000004,3.5267878028404347,91.53223684210528,74.55555555555556,6.0553049289891385,21.571010860484535,6.5431188927421005,0.2693923141186301,667,16,140,5,14,208,112,171,0.22,0.716,0.065,-0.9854,2,2,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,2,11,7,0,1,8,0,22,3,0,1,2,30,41,12,3,5,5,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,10,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,8,4,14,4,19,30,3,20,0,1,1,1,6,6,0,6,8,93,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267247141239964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387388588963276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160818844427385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295242863917195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31964486941087245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476200945328212,0.15759028917702214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557289370483628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045600006753655,0.0,0.0,0.12916364914947914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794921824992815,0.0,0.0,0.16368941973447848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270410866357246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160730707867512,0.15281621580721533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877118005588296,0.07523414893482164,0.0,0.13598035304112185,0.0,0.1293169647008819,0.0,0.0,0.1309209907909151,0.13898644541034302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418529649783207,0.11877039095553447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159178443992628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379257394413804,0.0,0.0,0.09865310161435366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019120942437532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855282806515738,0.0,0.0,0.10899841090156563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640068309016854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946949571734454,0.1512992463445624,0.24450956138257934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908302052849537,0.12223401523060927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670009430809495,0.0,0.15638933632073587,0.0,0.10939358680641977,0.16836929199162062,0.0,0.09916769222099536
suicidewatch,Joslae22,2019/01/09,"The End I wish I still had a reason to keep living. I’ve fucked out the last good thing. My girlfriend is going to break up with me and for good reason too. I’m hurting her and making her depressed. Even her mom saw that. She was the one who said it. She was the only thing going right for me. And now she’s gone. And today is our ten month anniversary. It’s ironic. It’s been like this for years. Constant depression and suicidal thoughts. But things were actually getting better and I was happy. I was starting to see a reason to this. My scars had faded and I was ready to start again but it all went to shit. And I just wanted to say a final goodbye. I decided to end it all. I love you all. Stay strong, I’ll meet you on the other side. ♥️",-0.7669565217391288,1.3992398535031896,1.4275879257823334,96.9855026308502,96.32484076433121,4.004320132927167,15.106341733591805,5.7926816847441245,-0.7303024646912211,575,13,129,5,23,191,96,157,0.109,0.747,0.14400000000000002,0.705,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,2,6,12,2,0,8,0,11,3,1,4,3,25,29,10,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,13,10,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,5,0,2,14,4,21,7,15,15,3,25,0,3,2,2,16,5,2,0,15,89,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.13555507705892872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285365957538813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011120417915366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392841143735451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460641618580927,0.0,0.0,0.09174803766453596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521679421391211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284190667096806,0.0725741822596932,0.0,0.1578902912596952,0.23302043867039546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478711381493488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487048817063988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234686387651696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322931723722238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786388625292528,0.0,0.1226591294255224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537073198232607,0.0,0.09272278889585953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626884590365703,0.11087578203012913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412828542675243,0.1056465001433302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284645434444562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862746656326373,0.13213420150723296,0.11046595590714564,0.0,0.0,0.11069243198386737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425880196632229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664091011601195,0.14805843612098804,0.11093285030628132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519438227285909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27685476065315384,0.0,0.0,0.11027817351795603,0.0,0.0,0.13166942270010362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193208545667405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876996905039034,0.0,0.0,0.15973841323140545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945279610567694
suicidewatch,throwaway777fuck,2019/01/09,i can’t do it this anymore. i need help. i can’t do this on my own anymore. i truly want to die at this point. i wish i was normal. i wish i could change the past. i wish i could go back to before it happened and prevent it. i think i need to be medicated. if this goes in any longer i am going to kill myself. can someone help me? is anyone there? please... ,-1.860863060989644,0.02628445569620297,1.1020483314154212,99.95304948216344,96.84810126582278,3.3790563866513232,14.776754890678939,4.851557810540192,-1.217491139240507,268,6,67,1,11,93,50,79,0.105,0.66,0.234,0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,0,13,21,2,2,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,16,0,7,17,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,47,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240046502551056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278395216213775,0.11557214036655752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709509009062575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064660893169725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485116518419727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26393558778032683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715412566930907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787221569804965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616227631735504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215760685967894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286498577764596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665087258191676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451156409075156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619456433733228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778463467485015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143490544681806,0.15624913599841572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004668655486324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590889365555302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749024027189586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5702138374647912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iam-HoboJoJo,2019/01/09,"Monday I tried to kill myself Monday I tried to kill myself. I failed. Nothing happened. I took a large number of sleeping pills,  painkillers  and mixed with alcohol  and cried myself until I passed out or fell asleep. I woke up the next day and have spent the past 2 days sleeping and crying. I didn't die. I did not even throw up the pills. I guess I was nowhere near enough to make an impact :( I thought I did the math correctly. 

​

I was so sure I was going to die, that I made sure the cat had enough food for about a week, and filled the bath with water just in case she finished her water bowls :(

​

What do I do now? The pain and reasons I wanted to kill myself are still there, only now I know I failed. I guess my next option is jumping off a high building. I was hoping to avoid being so dramatic, but there is nowhere to hang myself.

​

Why do things have to suck so much? Why am I such a horrible person and a failure? Maybe I should get help, but how do I even go about that?  2 years ago I tried CBT, but I had to get referrals etc and wait weeks.  I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I am already on the max dose for my antidepressants, I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to be me. 

​

I am told often how bad a person I am, how shit I am. There are maybe 2 people in my life that believe in me. Everyone else just reminds me how bad of a person I am. 

​

I just want the pain to stop. The tears to stop flowing. ",1.4724405758285926,3.3624228058252434,2.6185916750362708,95.26660194174757,79.84142394822007,5.168217832831157,20.687534873340027,5.935793293072707,-0.0841995089833727,1153,31,258,7,29,368,149,309,0.22,0.713,0.066,-0.9933,0,1,1,0,0,4,57.0,0,0,0,2,24,17,5,1,18,0,31,14,4,7,3,50,56,20,5,7,10,0,2,2,0,1,7,0,1,3,7,11,4,4,5,1,1,10,5,12,0,0,15,2,48,5,32,38,4,38,0,2,0,0,7,10,2,6,20,175,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059495454658834164,0.07172800352761748,0.0,0.0,0.07406563173008755,0.0,0.0,0.3636079415423983,0.40777445151163466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312469319385234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208031761539204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561823605110879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745044913008284,0.08657023799982293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931436365216116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606790865367951,0.0,0.0,0.13870026654866327,0.07485355359589954,0.08866071388120805,0.0,0.0,0.06413347562403106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787306740479214,0.095897253808515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811585299036019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013205919472729,0.0,0.07628863948665929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787458997106773,0.0,0.059351624523582676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04498732490391137,0.07091313370314549,0.0,0.066662642988844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276611136282132,0.0,0.03688592386828007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047406948095580936,0.06558026476748502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350803112626073,0.04480133235449639,0.0,0.13485673848261706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049338952905881736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427600627535988,0.0,0.0,0.06440087881907876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104574637338201,0.14283512146076344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407107653741714,0.046530698912344265,0.17581276527865738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900778345703182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889496460116477,0.0,0.0,0.13433158289140598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359997854664653,0.11222616986960664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651455982410315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044589765161461715,0.0,0.0,0.05328365509771018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413347562403106,0.07456981221957139,0.13670476399422224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979376717822907,0.0,0.10767493149152127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112588395356698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40777445151163466,0.04322135362937072
suicidewatch,A_Is_A_Throwaway_,2019/01/09,"What the fuck is wrong with me ? What the fuck is wrong with me ?

I feel like I'm going through life drunk, but without alcohol. Or do I? I'm a stranger to myself. Like a fucking alien trying to relate to people's emotions, activites, mannerisms. I engage in self destructive behaivor frequently. Feel no guilt or shame. I'm incapable of deep thought, I have memory problems. I feel fucking stupid to put it plainly. Drunk, still. Even typing this shitty, rambly post feels like I'm writing a part of a character, can't communicate any emotions I could possibly have onto text. I'm depressed, but that can't be it? What is this? Feels like I'm just being fucked with, but I'm so apathetic I don't mind. I enjoy life, I do, a bit. Listening to music. Having some hobbies. Have suicidal thoughts daily. Any little problem occurs and I say to myself, ""I should eat a bullet later."" A computer cord on my floor excites me. I'm insecure, I hate how I look. Hate the cloths that I wear, hate every aspect of myself. This post makes me sound like I'm full or rage but that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not numb, I'm not struggling, I don't cry for myself, I'm the same as I've always been. 


Any response but telling me to seek help is much appreciated. 

",1.2384337349397612,3.7524318594377566,3.0486064257028107,87.98881325301208,85.8273092369478,5.729638554216868,22.757831325301204,7.1686216300943375,1.0321575903614455,979,36,192,15,30,325,137,249,0.324,0.552,0.124,-0.9968,0,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,0,5,30,11,4,12,0,21,13,1,2,1,35,52,12,1,5,12,0,5,5,0,1,4,3,0,1,11,4,4,0,7,2,0,2,9,21,0,0,3,9,25,9,21,43,6,15,0,1,1,5,6,8,5,4,8,112,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908815432599864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493537302659168,0.0,0.0,0.2082454524675525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144050716753748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814993453498747,0.0,0.11212564520875752,0.0,0.0,0.08791787184724968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444918689353028,0.0,0.2296434242564061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742020663381829,0.0,0.08600339593641995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580633534844606,0.21876925137491476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718378852387933,0.0,0.0,0.0580121184778053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30233662287935137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841936204096571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419853378420444,0.2493457816981041,0.10230692483038972,0.0,0.0,0.08571809505840852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813649366409454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306761758293513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503757311198071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105383137697454,0.0,0.07076661574571769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507530387354405,0.19552110004677467,0.0,0.0,0.19534580961658196,0.0,0.10261452995260012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811748977181755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648748467398687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815179907986073,0.0,0.0,0.10671195290586463,0.0,0.11165452892354966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892188852493585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207381509271365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930287409044747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839757957455156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320806878258334,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BobKain,2019/01/09,"There's just no point to it anymore. Life.  My life.  I already know the how and when I choose to finish up.

Work's sick of me.  My friends never talk to me.  No family to speak of.

I'll wrap up by pulling out all my money from the bank, first responder can have it.

I'll leave a letter and will for anyone who wants it.",-1.077536231884061,0.962071681159422,1.081159420289854,100.96637681159422,93.05797101449276,4.22608695652174,14.913043478260873,5.82211442006289,-0.9358869565217393,242,5,60,2,9,80,50,69,0.129,0.826,0.045,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,2,10,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,7,1,12,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,40,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278357838645501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29462408626972714,0.20772563408665815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800611112181358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526965714380495,0.0,0.0,0.2295237026855477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326770571529986,0.0,0.0,0.3145654165814467,0.0,0.0,0.4196735686040829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291268412791085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808371528624496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23878209984457524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752258105933652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162781849215876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FallenFox,2019/01/09,"Fantasizing about my past attempt I can't seem to stop thinking and fantasizing about my past suicide attempt. It's almost like I want to relive it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just lost and extremely lonely. I want to give in, I have plans to give in. My life is completely pointless, I provide nothing and I gain nothing. I'd say it's empty but it's full of pain instead.",0.5253164556962027,2.9313757721519025,2.87581012658228,88.51523417721522,88.74683544303798,5.185316455696203,25.621518987341773,6.742157984588678,1.1991711392405058,302,14,61,4,10,103,48,79,0.189,0.742,0.068,-0.8740000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,12,14,4,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,10,1,10,13,1,6,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,2,4,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055900501458247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085352740289087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046825489617108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034279010967599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155610737142561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852272219084833,0.10272923945268048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953887550116864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035270869750052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237463274480492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014605910445616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721829919171846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142552319684414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579845275507486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300055922271651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473506825126572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24805006876167046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,love-bug01,2019/01/09,"Ive never actually attempted, and im scared to try. I've dreamed about killing myself for years, I've had a document of my funeral plans typed up, a note that just needs printing, and years of research under my belt. If I wanted to, I could be gone within a half hour...

But that just seems too easy.
Instead I want to feel pain, physical pain, not this emotionally numb shit I've been feeling for years and years.

I want to find some pill in my house that can hurt me just enough, make me pass out just long enough to get that relief for a second, even if I come right back to the real world a minute later, I just want a taste of relief before pulling it right back out of my grasp.

A part of me wants to see if anyone would care if I did something stupid enough to put me in a hospital, if any of my friends would come and see how I was doing, or if I would just be alone in the emergency room, where my only company is a nurse who's sorry for me.

If I told someone, right now, that I've been a second away from killing myself for years, would they care? Would they say anything? Or would they think it was a joke, or I was exaggerating.

I take my pills, I get treatment, but nothing seems to help me in the long run.

Maybe I'm just having a moment, I can't be sure.

I'm just going to hope there's some sort of sedative in the house that I can take until everything fades away.",5.052604166666665,4.3803218298611135,5.565416666666668,87.22125000000004,68.5486111111111,8.727777777777778,27.027777777777786,7.8658589789855275,1.2514402777777778,1069,26,246,11,16,345,148,288,0.114,0.8,0.086,-0.8235,0,1,1,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,3,2,18,17,4,1,16,0,24,7,1,2,2,58,52,18,3,21,21,0,2,0,1,6,5,1,1,0,10,8,1,0,7,2,0,8,3,9,0,3,9,6,34,8,37,33,6,42,0,1,2,0,8,18,1,16,16,164,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.08762011493173143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299326707505856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105890433215658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278184223261539,0.0,0.07388785586324713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871752285615207,0.13808282635074606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640295649536379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830896562452065,0.0,0.0,0.15468878619125234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168839470758806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099939066639788,0.0,0.2783249508499805,0.0,0.05930411298008964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069564550186713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079899949987157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206458569076325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693699694503679,0.0,0.09382102579464976,0.0,0.051028577338954814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018298933049844,0.0,0.0,0.08917972207304131,0.0884230723987757,0.2072065440185595,0.09611988800950604,0.0,0.09698642446045698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867419000026934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589190709962266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993417285517118,0.0,0.09020409271478506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657664834878765,0.06925002426249144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615398695347543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828780364065345,0.19108147926675645,0.0,0.0,0.0972316309268232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026171798552887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219837660835354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300353291042297,0.0,0.07140300431845863,0.08989343010500737,0.0,0.1430987879307982,0.1634792068279139,0.0,0.0,0.09216606962901393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607706279905645,0.06912317248305364,0.0,0.10051029086615916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462410712694671,0.0,0.13501877114090088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057532511134818436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579626122364217,0.0,0.06096014355499254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647963801897807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826968226453847,0.0,0.0,0.2891025716556844
suicidewatch,baudbard,2019/01/09,"Doctor Tomorrow I need 13 more hours.

I hurt myself 6.5 years ago, and the pain never really stops.

I'm very very tired of hurting. 

Is there ever a time when it becomes ok to let go?",-0.1534210526315789,2.1234747105263203,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,91.36842105263158,5.145263157894737,15.494736842105262,6.742157984588678,-0.1434905263157895,141,3,30,2,5,48,35,38,0.29600000000000004,0.618,0.085,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347522750414948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253511222259987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349460723846105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763397673028566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045406884057767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260527370219163,0.0,0.4914591447082484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347223556999101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020256334360842,0.17703702324176473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424898508188975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705055109156948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919074791266164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384784814341316,0.2638248842453415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37879255467138784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781759065803962
suicidewatch,eldorado213,2019/01/09,"I am Fucking done with my life Hi, I am a Teenager from the United States of America, All my life I have been fucked over and Bullied. Currently I am in High School and it is getting worse, I get my stuff ruined and tarnished, by Bullies almost every day. Every time something 'Good' happens it always fucks me over. Once, A girl asked me out to the dance I was so exited and She never even showed up. I left my old friends behind because they never cared about me. I had a Girlfriend early this year and she just broke up with me a week in. I made some new Friends but they don't care either. I keep Remembering cutting my wrists and staring back at myself in the mirror, with blood running down my face. My parents don't give a shit about me, they have forced me to eat stuff I am allergic to, I almost couldn't breath. I don't want to eat anymore at all because I feel that I will have an allergic reaction. I am so tired of being screwed over in my life. I just want the pain to stop, one day I will run far away and make a new life, or just kill myself I don't know anymore.",2.828285412819838,4.039247022421524,3.8657926668425233,90.71072276444212,74.29147982062781,6.502664204695332,24.776839883935644,6.794906146795322,0.7544140859931421,838,26,183,7,17,271,126,223,0.225,0.722,0.053,-0.9915,3,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,3,0,9,15,7,0,11,0,21,19,5,2,4,34,38,11,1,3,6,1,1,0,3,2,8,0,0,1,6,11,2,2,3,2,0,3,7,10,0,1,5,2,40,5,29,29,4,36,0,2,1,4,13,18,5,4,14,130,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281546871149835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925746700498141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067393803658064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401020162402032,0.0,0.10452953869811643,0.08554970400366624,0.0,0.1356423715707416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268676896593056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143503018695161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385445674221832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227687208970346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348414637399601,0.0,0.18747750715087644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625484165070525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191364082156993,0.3085656893222183,0.11625429748468145,0.10672777550875244,0.0,0.09331702595099152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838412692839406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754904441357494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889026244672272,0.1230892979009432,0.0,0.061143893614672824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088096911828737,0.0,0.3143362114289021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052739877880814,0.07426485802717289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161639095811682,0.2149052532522701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674542211637752,0.11848498877176987,0.07539056834679754,0.0,0.11838520708093385,0.0,0.12353764329624453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260324021247704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125979427680733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420362957975955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565101254081701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930157668788979,0.0,0.0,0.2547251108405963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487480475909765,0.12787346299112204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124442797215738,0.0,0.08924359031368011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338030642921593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164580878151725
suicidewatch,YoItsBrandie,2019/01/09,Can I even call it a replase? (Me venting at this point) It had been 10 days since the last time I cut.. earlier in the day even i was so proud i had found a little bit of happiness this week after the shitshow December was. Any time i even think about it I get an urge in my bones to do it.. what the fuck am I going to do..,0.5316666666666663,1.65975105555556,2.8566666666666687,95.955,80.1111111111111,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.15723333333333311,244,6,63,3,6,84,50,72,0.049,0.847,0.103,0.5896,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,7,0,9,2,1,0,0,2,14,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,0,9,2,8,8,1,13,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,7,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148375152852484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592493275087399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424774270163958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062894381243111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705284552601853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26036716198443544,0.0,0.219531761924601,0.12406520705937,0.0,0.13495633755612868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527849822262843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356496002889267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380014425265633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244803582297301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196432782388694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521574262513297,0.0,0.0,0.27693448791204345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904794016315353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,C00KI3Z1,2019/01/09,"Train suicide only caused minor train delays Today at the end of class out teacher informed us that a train accident had happened near out local train station, and we were better of going to the next one.

I got home and looked into it, turned out it was a suicide, and no one gave a fuck, ususally suicides people give a shit when people commit suicide around here but no one gave a fuck even when I told a close ish friend why the train was delayed, she just shrugged and said “Oh whatever, just another death who cares”.

So yeah, pretty shitty situation.

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suicidewatch,Stephenk1234,2019/01/09,Yeet Join my group on Messenger by visiting: https://m.me/join/AbYz3nppjss9KS8b,19.703333333333333,26.643894888888887,7.58666666666667,56.70000000000002,44.55555555555557,16.933333333333334,42.333333333333336,13.023866798666859,9.223133333333337,70,3,6,3,1,15,9,9,0.0,0.784,0.21600000000000005,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reylennn,2019/01/09,"I Feel Like I Have Nothing I don't even know why I'm living anymore. I gave up on my dreams of becoming an author and ever finishing my book -- it's a book that used to mean the world to me and gave me reason to live previously.

But I pretty much shoved those dreams away. Forced myself to stop caring about that book that's been with me since 6th grade. That way I wouldn't have reason to live.

​

I know, it was a terrible thing to do.

​

I used to tell myself to stay alive til I'm 18, because I will be free then, but now that just seems stupid.

​

Now, all I really have to live for is a twenty one pilots concert in June. Maybe it sounds stupid but that band is the sole reason I survived 2018, because they gave me hope and reason to live. Their songs spoke to me like nothing else ever has. I told myself to stay alive until the concert is over, but now that seems so scary and so hard. Because June suddenly seems so damn far away. And once I'm dead, it's not like I'd *be able* to care that I missed the concert, right?

​

I don't know.

​

I gave up on everything else I had going for me. I'm failing school, basically.

​

And living with depression and ptsd and psychosis is just too fucking hard. I'm tired of being sad and I'm tired of the emptiness and despair and I'm tired of not knowing what's real and what isn't, and the delusions and the hallucinations. I'm just tired.

​

And I've been down this route many times but now it seems like I'm nearing the end of it for the first time.",3.059056603773584,4.505031295597483,3.731177358490567,90.96759622641513,74.09433962264151,6.345861635220128,23.411823899371072,6.742157984588678,0.5425701635220124,1224,34,263,10,25,387,146,318,0.209,0.6829999999999999,0.109,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,1,62.0,0,0,2,3,15,18,4,0,13,0,21,5,0,6,3,50,54,26,1,2,10,0,3,4,0,2,4,6,0,0,19,17,0,1,14,10,1,1,6,10,0,2,10,9,29,9,36,39,2,35,0,5,0,1,10,13,2,5,22,159,48,6,0.05353472460532458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060339622030825,0.4553538504415517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053092061598859236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059527204414648,0.0,0.0,0.09790281368417032,0.059124897316880184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916443927498208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610937985736565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944278596385398,0.0,0.04741587605221104,0.0,0.0,0.03535918070380431,0.09685044665268276,0.0,0.0,0.04811355853629599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027068765298947254,0.038245217954787636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553660940106235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049491990250562966,0.0,0.0,0.03042501770141862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591319590965676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053172060915140734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768513835634475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461744919508598,0.0,0.2836328557687395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427580814251685,0.0537828264221006,0.058315009337500334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03935418236927448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273602419663178,0.0,0.0,0.057012734520269184,0.03627651488213052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446406100452207,0.0,0.0,0.06257922822978843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060934236843630786,0.034295715417139404,0.22017045236026367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571836230418151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417999938312975,0.0,0.19494401062818392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428447740610402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141217868150284,0.0,0.04475742689633745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679170894355629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03556609223780457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062433056864431714,0.24612116263076575,0.0,0.0511547235406096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247362701089347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042493372555387786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830676216255895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553538504415517,0.0
suicidewatch,kbjack85,2019/01/09,"I don’t know what I’m doing I’m struggling. My business is growing but not making any profit yet. I wrote checks for payroll that I don’t think will be able to clear. I’m at my end, what more can I do to make it work? I work so much and am so stressed. Why is starting a business the worst decision I’ve made?",-0.7348913043478262,1.2204423768115973,1.4549094202898551,99.99366847826089,89.0,4.029710144927536,20.219202898550726,5.148860815047168,-0.4447840579710141,240,8,59,1,8,80,49,69,0.214,0.7190000000000001,0.067,-0.9089,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,0,10,0,0,3,1,11,20,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,4,16,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,36,11,3,0.28846126723286963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961635534766926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554910629280997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853076855732234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729490257573943,0.3851002716327798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120522221949617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417436964941948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304314070063644,0.30156234816767763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483433248735398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602914263977114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200064762052811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sedatedzombie,2019/01/09,"I'm drugged up and kinda losing consciousness with a rope around my neck it's suspended on my door as i'm sitting down, it's a bungee chord so it's really stretchy but it's hard around my neck and it's been there about 20 minutes since i took whatever drugs (mix of tramadol, pregabalin, clonazepam/klonopin, diazepam/valium, lorazepam/ativan and some kind of pill i pre-made a couple of weeks ago i think it was a mix of 2 30mg codeine and some temazepam. They must just be kicking in and at the same time my lips are tingling and my eyes are completel blurred, if i pass out will that be the end? 

I don't know if it's my time I didn't plan this but it feels right I don't know what I should do. I'm sitting here able to communicate but i doubt for much longer. ",1.60648033126294,3.5011885714285715,2.5947577639751565,95.5766915113872,79.43478260869566,6.280910973084887,23.77681159420289,7.3011,0.7293648861283639,604,21,140,8,15,191,103,161,0.064,0.936,0.0,-0.7617,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,1,6,0,13,8,4,0,1,29,21,13,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,11,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,3,16,1,17,12,4,18,0,1,1,0,1,9,0,7,5,82,27,0,0.20870054058787324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850004369610934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715754564145505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092317861275816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840527380910343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848467333585537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055252640708397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695469140290533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732949731781526,0.2293927182328773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348252138701064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534189107240582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369891038335446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822912134166335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263924382616766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372687945022632,0.0,0.0,0.2433899270841561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187397968189116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674069850370446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaredsmith20,2019/01/09,"The permanent end to an endless impossible to win fight This is my very first post on reddit and unfortunately will be my very last also. For about 10 years I’ve been fighting suicide and severe depression (I’m only 20). It’s come to the point where I know it isn’t going to get better. I have tried therapy, medications and endless other things to try and fix myself, but nothing worked. I’m currently in college and my parents are pushing me to succeed every day and it is the worst feeling ever to know you are failing them. My family and friends are the reason I haven’t commit suicide already, if I could go out without them being in pain after I would have many years ago. One of the biggest reasons for my depression is because my parents have had three daughters that passed away before having me. Why should I have the chance to live over them? I hate my life more than anything and I wish one of them would’ve gotten the chance over me. Well this Friday is the day it all ends, I’m going to park my car at the end of this dead end road I spent hours at crying before. I’m going to plug the exhaust with a rubber tube I made and just let my final moments dwindle away there. ",5.131139240506329,5.622701860759497,5.8074430379746875,81.56762025316456,68.36708860759494,7.838987341772152,29.30210970464136,7.554174236665415,1.7554519831223632,939,32,181,9,15,306,141,237,0.206,0.691,0.103,-0.9868,3,0,0,0,3,4,17.0,0,1,4,6,8,14,3,0,12,0,23,4,0,3,3,29,41,12,3,5,4,3,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,5,0,1,8,3,9,1,4,5,1,28,5,30,29,3,40,0,3,0,0,11,14,0,1,17,127,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954308025726648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880138944369212,0.08609269359847428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859195106419261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229325041192436,0.0,0.0,0.06562627315775613,0.0,0.1832151414848065,0.0,0.0,0.09521323701251676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273635847410913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595478487777111,0.0,0.11825537581713665,0.13885879750988686,0.0,0.1854484040110983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38140606383652936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738127478108408,0.09070506474300306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148876595974518,0.0,0.054434253277415114,0.0,0.0,0.11793219990901765,0.0,0.0915723824916592,0.0,0.0,0.08317498007041843,0.0,0.0562459664642019,0.0,0.2447341947426423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062882949906068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601975671612944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183301594573664,0.0877542423736875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008584711243104,0.0760408190881889,0.0,0.0,0.09506247353237897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186698151888028,0.0,0.1091465774163351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845238285918732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329911061831099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590137210230342,0.0818774572320916,0.11455387940749807,0.0,0.23907913229006245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176998854174596,0.0,0.1031049637358315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213771857641353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162096085502345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23551700870852055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311434620793953,0.0,0.0715220532439969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618310388341854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765542245236404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967959307656423,0.0,0.0971430539046734,0.0,0.1237994167334685,0.1037768186789116,0.0,0.07837505891565605,0.0,0.0,0.15295187455870848,0.0,0.0,0.13865423800120033
suicidewatch,cyrusfw,2019/01/09,"there isn't much keeping me from jumping off a bridge at this point I joke about killing myself a lot but I'm not sure how much more I can actually take. My boyfriend doesn't know just how close I am to breaking at this point. I love him so much and I know he'd be devastated if I did it, and that's all that's keeping me alive at this point. ",1.5742543859649132,2.674935986842108,2.857894736842109,97.13359649122809,77.28947368421053,6.119298245614036,23.192982456140356,6.42735559955562,0.14852456140350911,269,8,69,2,6,87,53,76,0.13699999999999998,0.723,0.139,0.0405,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,2,2,16,14,7,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,12,3,7,11,6,10,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,0,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.2059948135518153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752555754274092,0.23354142344226836,0.0,0.23202069055694716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946240963250734,0.19051828319441602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655295323004131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5986489782751291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895120182376325,0.0,0.1587145064169085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goldilex,2019/01/09,"what’s stopping me? I feel so incredibly lost and hopeless. I have a bunch of pills I can just shove in my mouth. I’ve asked several people, including family members for specific help, and everyone seems to entertain this idea of them helping me find help and some path towards a solution. 

After a day or two or if I crack a single smile it’s like they forgot they said they’d help. Nothing feels worth it. Nothing feels like it will get better. 

My mostly untreated depression keeps getting worse and worse and I don’t even know who to turn to anymore. ",2.8458793542905703,5.391291429906541,3.9737298215802888,83.89826677994904,78.62616822429906,7.629226847918438,26.549702633814782,8.575989854853784,2.2356990654205613,441,18,82,10,11,143,78,107,0.16,0.63,0.21,0.6122,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,4,2,3,7,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,0,0,21,18,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,7,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,4,13,4,9,13,4,5,0,3,0,0,11,2,0,6,5,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638410568927516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444634299210094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461122600351293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065449162665416,0.0,0.14229263850365273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911773555046063,0.0,0.0,0.15786246978456156,0.0,0.0,0.1557425566846895,0.0,0.25060103046309185,0.11802398969078053,0.0,0.0,0.15099630210250695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262778865220724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429393635214672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649871383998634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684366681295022,0.0,0.0,0.09079350503733087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614236943279193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034307210238068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170413481494401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453380593569625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714979005824214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039834475423594,0.0,0.18663700569108246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812053828125515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969789114841755,0.16138333724178974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367203105444634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DifficultShoulder,2019/01/09,I wish I was never born. I want to leave I just don't want to cause me or anyone else anymore pain. I wish I lived in a country where guns are common because I would have shot myself long ago.,0.529285714285713,2.2408312142857163,2.2716666666666683,97.47750000000002,82.09523809523809,4.2,17.642857142857142,3.1291,-0.9179714285714282,149,3,35,0,4,49,33,42,0.17600000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.1169,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,9,9,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,3,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148055676585561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403202518146528,0.1694385456536026,0.2482895313557085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771843554635658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489334559361957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024305724671589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565860825642959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139764943776992,0.21444907722247092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689517510554324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578497762803661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28585789749499546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573211849912303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721399870550528,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DE4D-B4RT,2019/01/09,"(Trans related bullshit, could potentially be graphic description) Give me a reason not to get rid of my tits. Dysphoria is talking here. Some level of my mind knows this is a bad idea but right now can’t see any downside at all. I cross posted this from r/stopselfharm because that sub was less active than I would have liked and I’m needing responses like, now, not next week. Idk if this really should be on r/SuicideWatch because I don’t WANT to die, I just want to get these pieces of shit off my body, but if dying ends up being a consequence of that then whatever I guess.

I own injectable local anesthetics, medical grade scalpel, and know how to cauterize the wounds, and I would keep the phone near me to call an ambulance if there were any complications. An irregular scar will not look like a typical top surgery scar and I will pass as cis way better than if I waited and got regular top surgery. I don’t want anyone to ever know I was trans. With a weird scars if anyone saw it I could say I’m a cis guy who got injured somehow, instead of having people know I ever transitioned. If I get sent to a mental hospital for doing it or if I get an infection or bleed out that’s worth it to me tbh because I’d rather die having spent one moment as a man than live any more as a woman. Binders don’t help shit, they make it worse actually because even if I LOOK like a man on the outside I can still feel those alien flesh sacks against my body and I fucking want them gone, it’s not about what other people think, it’s about what I feel. All the mindfulness stuff I do says to be okay with things you can’t change and I’m doing really well at that, but I CAN change this. Not safely, but I CAN. So no, I won’t be okay with it.",3.7404788732394314,4.674337019718315,4.739549295774649,86.37411267605634,71.76056338028171,8.271549295774648,26.030985915492955,8.608573733854374,1.5976907042253528,1362,42,292,23,25,445,194,355,0.124,0.7490000000000001,0.127,-0.6896,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,1,2,3,17,14,3,0,17,2,32,12,6,3,4,65,66,27,3,19,21,0,2,4,0,6,5,2,0,4,23,11,0,3,9,0,2,4,12,5,1,1,9,8,33,9,36,44,7,29,0,0,4,2,16,13,4,13,14,192,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.09529615264706184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922407105605103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656380217087316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153695572193369,0.2381157266326501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636696869020158,0.0,0.21694301191379994,0.0,0.0,0.0997155847820593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066098270381339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593743994515288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040480971739054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649240013048852,0.0,0.0,0.06449950228383644,0.17666714784466692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875352621121317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027948823074244,0.2040805995882798,0.09367855163126147,0.0,0.0,0.15620554344537388,0.0,0.10757681769108604,0.0966927475992779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545537337475782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023940479127713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679930329555689,0.0,0.0,0.21467219259896445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083511747096546,0.0,0.08623021265525055,0.0,0.1640094192536239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651847591118986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837606459641568,0.09841219682785866,0.0,0.1972052702771022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240915454994662,0.0,0.0,0.10385606646427008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617283285180478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540188385067226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352547454726587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251192211382653,0.10040450819407876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339592589979193,0.0,0.15531665541165454,0.0,0.0,0.0778175419473477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048071945784385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798655768360042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179039071091068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784905329294038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487693441586448,0.06257269769098331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303952811439767,0.07751314724012437,0.07833209530609613,0.0,0.08780261425915123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995177013590668,0.13874110549757934,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rom1bki,2019/01/09,"Gonna do it this weekend. Tomorrow I’ll write my note. 
I’m not meant for this world. I’m too weak. Whenever I start thinking there is hope for me I end up crashing ever harder onto reality’s concrete. 
I don’t even know wtf I’m typing I’m so sleep deprived. All I know is that I want it to stop. The unbearable pain of living. 

When I i indulge in my addiction, I feel numb. Nothing’s enjoyable but nothing hurts either. This is not sustainable as I’m basically wasting my life away, isolating myself and not doing shit. When I try to quit, life gets enhanced. Everything gets hyper real. But loneliness gets so painful and I’m so stressed out I can’t sleep. And so goddamn vulnerable. One moment I’m full of hope. The next I wanna bash my head into a wall. 

Someone pretended to be a friend. Gave me enough hope I picked myself up and tried it again to honor her trust. Turned she was just a fake. How could I have believed someone was genuinely interested in me ? What a stupid pathetic fuck.  

You know most times I browse this sub and feel sorry for the people here. I see how bad they suffer. So much so they don’t realize the answer to their problem is within them all. I still believe that because it’s a truth I’ve experienced to be true. But I cannot be arsed to work on recovery anymore. I’ve lost all will to live, just like you. I hate myself, just like you. 

Enough is enough. ",0.7269603174603212,3.2005392357142854,2.7411904761904786,89.26269841269844,88.78571428571428,5.825396825396826,21.706349206349206,7.279313950308263,0.9640515873015874,1086,39,221,19,36,363,163,280,0.234,0.614,0.151,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,4,4,20,28,4,1,9,0,19,12,4,3,6,46,48,19,0,7,10,0,2,2,1,2,7,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,9,2,0,0,7,16,0,1,5,4,37,12,25,37,10,26,0,4,1,1,12,13,2,4,15,143,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109296346679856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016093646256253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436277136700524,0.0,0.09274667570165868,0.06771298327833701,0.0,0.0,0.25029693581812323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868787805655996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838339578089753,0.3443242020101807,0.0,0.07336690913060621,0.10047769458161544,0.0,0.0,0.09983102002990536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123301843785029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581968415524185,0.10269113364991604,0.17410323655782448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966793016085374,0.11399953107794468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33098078211652143,0.0,0.0,0.11891281624269592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831390323521511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569173583577494,0.10853558730428783,0.0,0.1961703254189613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125630830334692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816561544788627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181342230737767,0.0,0.0,0.2131673981592874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527028958128552,0.0,0.23639266859303001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700848345208572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628800309843243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814663594127466,0.0,0.12643269805650525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851591604062546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140214281202924,0.0,0.0,0.22231927995908424,0.0,0.18823446377743502,0.0,0.0,0.12434431620525276,0.07862258502242442,0.0,0.08870816810031931,0.09286736871903943,0.12724110002663638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117520698608104,0.0,0.0,0.06477130293386453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083126913269576,0.12082251143079065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551751973769336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086714052826388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shadowuser972,2019/01/09,"Too expensive My depression has been with me since I was a kid. Always told people the reason I’m here if funerals are expensive. But my depression is getting critical. My friend said maybe I have bipolar depression. Part of me wants to reach out and let someone drag me out but the other half wants me to stay quiet and let it take over and end the suffering. It scares me that I keep thinking of ways to hide my body so they don’t need to deal with that. I don’t know why I’m posting this, but thank you to anyone who read it",4.331494102228047,4.7396277064220165,5.205792922673659,85.47403669724774,70.10091743119267,9.164351245085193,27.49803407601573,9.23628265651192,1.995607077326344,416,13,90,8,7,136,73,109,0.184,0.7609999999999999,0.055,-0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,10,2,1,1,0,18,23,8,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,8,7,0,1,3,1,2,0,2,5,0,1,4,2,15,2,12,17,1,7,0,4,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421719224070992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119027125147852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925208733354502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786866326404068,0.4478441021841134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351121258164513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390759358809345,0.0,0.09055321698762377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405592028941728,0.0,0.0,0.09525284459591214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544655102400254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412452510702495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285155354713738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876900598517921,0.0,0.12015915470259232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599387903867016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336818656878708,0.0,0.0,0.17820314592129818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648682306575045,0.0,0.17352484079373012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337315665474226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685456094889324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473742693974848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031603499288893,0.0,0.0,0.1595709512764554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105727997553372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561591377855864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044587670601224,0.1375743672958458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639549983853482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BBunMay,2019/01/09,"I feel alone in the world, I'm worthless. My dad is abusive but won't admit it, I basically moved countries to run away from him.

Seeing my mom started hurting a lot and I felt so much anger towards her for emotionally abandoning me with the entire thing, she would pretty much try to ignore all of it and pretend things were fine.

I lost all my friends from highschool because I found it so difficult to go out of the house due to anxiety and depression, for years and years after highschool I stayed in my room scared.

I met a guy online 3 years older than me and I vented to him nearly everyday about what was happening, he played games with me to take my mind off of things and would chat with me everyday, he was the only thing I had.

I eventually decided to take a leap and move to the same country as him (my mom was born in that country so I'm a dual citizen), I have to live 3hrs away from him because I'm living with my grandparents to save up money for school and to move out.

​

My grandma lately has been.. mean maybe.

This whole family thing feels suffocating, I see my boyfriends family and they are all so happy, always chatting to eachother, you can see how much they care for eachother, yet I don't have anything close to that.. I would really love to have it.. I would love to cuddle my mom.. I feel so alone, I feel so suicidal I feel so worthless.

It feels like things will never get better in my head.

​

My doctor in this new country instantly put me on anti depressant's, I really want to take a handful and overdose.",5.023631921824105,5.714479465798045,5.732656351791532,81.30230700325734,68.6742671009772,8.876156351791531,29.35651465798045,8.982922981607832,2.2754287947882728,1224,43,240,21,20,399,164,307,0.172,0.696,0.132,-0.855,1,2,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,2,2,10,21,1,1,10,0,20,6,2,1,4,45,49,20,1,5,1,4,8,1,1,6,1,0,1,2,16,17,0,2,11,5,1,6,3,11,0,0,10,11,45,10,48,33,9,38,0,7,3,3,25,17,0,1,15,169,61,4,0.0,0.09645597973851916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862969227563288,0.0,0.0,0.06773854747606305,0.17641255248072946,0.1978409259227051,0.0,0.0,0.06227742123850096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699241132731132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297227883055356,0.0,0.0,0.09925195759775668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199936632082388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300158001374625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402343622898981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332523873085515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157381337271604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534897261569514,0.0,0.24697606331392102,0.05815838086652402,0.07816510423539949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926042122506322,0.0628961481272822,0.0,0.04253267791948378,0.0,0.04626643177825929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060739725553431,0.07198943133412135,0.08666105902493611,0.0,0.0,0.08354879726833819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393469240935656,0.08714968108136605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183254265004592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039772171404310025,0.0,0.14377072075223338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886719641870036,0.06921075282807297,0.14694903333125728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178596620451778,0.08867792379414828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219956489389336,0.2860346040686685,0.0,0.2595736460479942,0.17953425154710576,0.0,0.0627873965974256,0.07862501531169909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061914973396986574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282189964724916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183821370575345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043049764641347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815042955957947,0.08238993547368824,0.19461654590253594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057621486287166686,0.0867708264939542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904788828133349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836275991670488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245058779498301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527115334306759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801695166926805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088988958748233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313215765232613,0.0,0.1978409259227051,0.15727357225241828
suicidewatch,HoboRisky,2019/01/09,"I feel trapped For the past decade I've felt nothing but self-hatred, anger, sadness, and loneliness. At this point I feel like the only thing that will ever make me happy is suicide. That's not the issue though. The issue is that I know if I killed myself, it would devastate my family and friends. So for ten years I've painted a smile on my face, and I've acted like everything is okay, so that my loved ones don't have to worry about me and can be happy. After ten years of doing this, I just feel like I'm living on everyone else's behalf, and I'm so tired. I don't want sadden my family and friends by killing myself, but I'm also sick of living just for the sake of keeping them happy. I just feel like it's not fair. People always talk about taking care of your own well being, but what am I supposed to do when the one thing that will make me happy is taking my own life? Why do I have to keep suffering just so everyone else can be happy? I'm afraid that if I stay alive long enough, I'm going to start resenting my loved ones just for being happy, and I don't want to ever get to that point. ",6.6155407523510945,4.643038594827587,7.182006269592477,81.13634796238244,66.06896551724138,9.988087774294671,28.418495297805638,8.296473431620573,1.7167017241379308,862,17,187,9,11,286,113,232,0.175,0.537,0.287,0.99,0,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,1,0,17,24,4,1,7,1,22,6,1,2,2,34,47,19,3,5,12,0,5,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,14,7,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,7,1,5,1,5,24,17,21,39,3,17,0,2,0,2,7,5,0,2,13,125,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165151541282237,0.0745527418305077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913511670511642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969532086403672,0.0,0.0,0.09257872017831628,0.0,0.0,0.1620931026607069,0.0,0.17122952223821114,0.08052493563776175,0.0,0.16893010485437698,0.0,0.18121383242497624,0.1920265601600543,0.08602816348070816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844643760994824,0.0,0.046811274738536864,0.0,0.050920627505369034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722726395213179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870341383760016,0.0,0.15927769878681786,0.19825389911883132,0.0,0.04924073629118903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328574113747512,0.17509229454865535,0.0,0.15823341105468636,0.07929144059754713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173144763783506,0.0,0.11961476686008984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597173008802135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821418399457313,0.0681433422932406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553146167458743,0.06211599532573388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939820553345766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934702900591766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341794961835151,0.09549958283811023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800570683828297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473314189870586,0.07201550580986249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904990507718916,0.0,0.08802961348344017,0.0,0.0,0.10297975967097976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569448370743137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055939285044995,0.0,0.08084828959542154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099115271132273,0.0,0.06364787265500073,0.0,0.0,0.11539639260830617
suicidewatch,SaturninePoetics,2019/01/09,"Was I wrong? Really need some advice here Okay, so, my older sister--who I have a rocky relationship with--gets home after work and sees I've made dinner. I tell her all she has to do is make her own pasta. I'm sort of tired, and out of it, so I'm not paying attention to her. She ends up spilling scalding hot water on her leg and rushes to the bathroom, immediately I follow. She gets into the cold shower, and I get some gauze pads. Her skin is sort of off--like a layer, but no bleeding, no blistering, not flesh-y stuff. I get some neosporin. I come back, and she says she wants to go to the hospital. I get closer, to give my own opinion. (Here, I'll admit that I probably shouldn't have gotten closer, but really I was just trying to make that a) she didn't touch it because her hands weren't clean, and b) that it wasn't a serious burn). She gets a little upset and tells me to stop staring at her like she's a specimen. Me, confused, asks how. She says I'm not helping--I again ask how, because I've been collecting materials for her to bandage herself up. I also don't know what to do as I've never burned myself before. And I've been asking her if she's alright for the past few minutes. 

Then she says that this situation is just like how I didn't want her staring at my scars on my wrists, from when I was suicidal. This immediately makes me uncomfortable and upset, because she continues to say I'm not helping, so I walk away and go into my room. She comes knocking, to tell me that I'm a horrible person and she would never walk away from me if I needed help. (Which is almost exactly what she did to me, at one point. I'll explain later)

I'm so confused. I try to help, she says I'm not. She says something insensitive, and still, I'm wrong for walking away. My sister often says something mean--like how my grandfather didn't love me as much as her, or that I'm fat, ugly, etc., She also uses me or guilt trips me a lot, ever since I started working in high school, and had to buy her food and stuff for her apartment. She's never paid me back, and still insinuates little stuff like how I don't help her or anything, seeing as now no one wants to hire me/I've been having some trouble finding a job. My parents are paying for our apartment and bills for now, *because* I'm struggling, so I don't see what else she needs help with, and she's been using my car. Emotionally, I'm always there. Since her boyfriend was cheating, since a new boyfriend was practically abusing her, I've always been there even when she would shut me out and say mean things. 

Was I wrong for walking away? Am I a terrible person? This may seem ridiculous, sorry if it does. I can admit I'm not an entirely emotionally stable person, so I'm wondering if I overreacted. But when I was planning to kill myself, and when I overdosed on medication (this was an accident, believe it or not, I didn't read the dosage), she didn't drive me to the hospital--she had a very 'oh well' attitude proving my belief that no one in this family gives a damn about me. No one noticed when I was hurting myself and even after I told them, wanting help that I couldn't give myself, support, I just didn't get it. Nothing changed. I don't want to be a Kanye or something, using my mental illness as a weapon almost. So if I am, please tell me! I need help. I don't want to die I don't think but I'm afraid if what she says is true then I'll become even worse. Ever since starting new medication, I feel like things could be looking up for me, but I know I'm not okay. I just don't know what to do. ",3.2841393600864883,4.279770938608458,4.7590259723545,85.5758032381786,72.9017735334243,7.4420345440037075,25.56279440912251,7.771483598077405,1.2599314216582145,2770,86,588,35,53,929,288,733,0.184,0.736,0.08,-0.9977,3,0,3,0,0,3,118.0,1,0,1,3,42,30,5,7,23,3,56,15,5,12,9,120,127,62,3,21,28,2,5,4,0,4,6,9,4,3,30,27,5,1,15,1,5,13,33,19,1,4,29,21,111,11,62,90,11,73,1,1,6,1,80,29,1,27,35,392,141,8,0.0,0.06351938255730917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052387318081807514,0.0,0.0,0.10736584737888308,0.0,0.0,0.08574419878435698,0.08921604907591303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044116669749991295,0.0,0.15035504713369766,0.0,0.20147438709434387,0.0824459497043192,0.0,0.13072124882882918,0.059208311717208625,0.04561837612215139,0.060400395987725584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671253846328252,0.09236097075353117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042803424152342125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563897791586449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691469305725479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044784486675899016,0.12060863618039253,0.04748277116825233,0.0,0.05978960254012008,0.10622719809332716,0.0969870848930128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053897467430204,0.0,0.027106954368654068,0.038299174952024034,0.0,0.0,0.04899879936684033,0.0,0.06482572987613806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606400900129292,0.15428351706403418,0.06093588365701496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515367544082524,0.056642174957712635,0.05377545416557621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739088387636927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319990320604488,0.0,0.059311801145718886,0.0,0.08838837789781583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476504525333748,0.10746311343821577,0.0,0.0,0.04501910984149374,0.0,0.0,0.045577519381207715,0.04838534578104225,0.05072731696405002,0.10735577909382904,0.0,0.0,0.11679456226847075,0.0,0.1080133782070462,0.05402652504835545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039409703912172966,0.15900529113747058,0.1240425946134482,0.10355423146800913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144048295441361,0.061035627565238976,0.0,0.0,0.14531077759973868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595278408289748,0.0,0.05117705194292383,0.0,0.14043121338284972,0.0,0.05884795816427681,0.05067901678453144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780091931156521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053624759991537374,0.0,0.06868820077943483,0.0,0.0,0.05755734788895098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836972194529973,0.0,0.054256437438220416,0.12816129041120128,0.04880476022992182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738781876890994,0.06026016976210824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381537413200615,0.0,0.060012288309255625,0.0758912250109809,0.0,0.08562643346937941,0.04482057142756245,0.0,0.056045075733378316,0.18411273821494692,0.058640914715666424,0.060836278995151975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743089389653864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123253895876845,0.034351284984099666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161709862743281,0.0,0.051226893485620026,0.0,0.07279568447906176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890613554060302,0.0,0.0442340726639327,0.1897242947871728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048202055146484436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058138031754646026,0.07805780433287311,0.0,0.05463342714150616,0.07616637015544807,0.17584318502149954,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tvshowlover456,2019/01/09,I don't wanna live anymore. 😢😔 my depression has been on and off and lately it's getting worse but I'm trying to hold on but I feel like I don't wanna live anymore. ,-1.5168421052631589,0.4214125789473684,1.9687368421052616,94.48415789473684,94.26315789473685,4.092631578947368,18.12631578947369,5.6839178017228535,-0.3113852631578946,130,4,30,1,5,47,27,38,0.127,0.779,0.094,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763229163634506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502623883009856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691791286347647,0.2075790135556971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180772220380942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277689016026304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195491662710402,0.0,0.5131467545568876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727391509352651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961095879325611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drueburgendy,2019/01/09,"I just can’t find a reason to go on, might end it tonight I went on a trip to japan to try and cheer me up, it worked for a few days and I even met a nice girl on tinder. But now I’m just feeling like dying again. I don’t want to do anything but smoke weed and sleep all day. I hate working and I’m sick of people. I’m seriously thinking of jumping from my 11th floor hotel room ",0.7049501661129582,1.7550742790697669,2.785149501661131,96.97662790697676,79.46511627906976,5.379401993355483,20.42524916943522,5.288315135182226,-0.3918750830564779,292,7,75,1,7,99,60,86,0.138,0.764,0.098,-0.81,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,1,15,14,6,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,3,12,11,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,7,42,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080838427895105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261500829804656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26243078634955386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239606377130692,0.0,0.0,0.16701293572464518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785460152169714,0.1806446303596272,0.0,0.0,0.2311112448447309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370727558292978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24964882926175685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353557810387385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682465735990245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530264051522165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599842026639104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530445677359635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202372991335048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167666837430412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914453181216006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344055645409227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681730279584203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,knightofthewest1,2019/01/09,"I am worthless garbage and i can't find anything worth living for I am 21 years old, for as long as i remember there was sadness and pain in my life overshadowing everything else. My mother is a refugee, she met my father and married him during the Yugoslav war. I was brought up and still live in a small isolated village. During my childhood my parents were fighting constantly, one time my grandma took a knife and went to stab my mother but she couldn't catch her. I was beaten up by all members of my family called a nuisance and spoiled brat. Grew up to think i really am one, anxious, passive and submissive. I was bullied in school a lot, my parents were telling me to stand up for myself which i did, but it only resulted in me getting even more bullied and avoided by other kids. My whole life and only purpose was one that my mother gave me, do well at school. And i did, i was one of the top students until last year of high school. I don't know what happened i was maybe trying to fit in with other kids, maybe a bit too much. I am anxious introvert and hanging out with people all the time is something that drained life out of me i would try my best but at the end of the day i couldn't fit anywhere and i might lost that one path i had in life. After high school i didn't go to college because we are poor and that would be too big of financial burden(We live of our small farm, yearly earn around 3600euros, most of that is invested back into farm). In the meantime my mother got sick. Since high school i have problems sleeping and i cry very often. Year ago i got into some coding course thinking it will fix everything, get me a good job and purpose in life. Anxiety, pressure and the fact that i had no confidence left in my self got the worst out of me, i couldn't focus, i was afraid of the course. Started missing classes. When the time came in September to build a web site as  a final project i couldn't do it. I had a talk with my mother and she said i was dead to her if it happens again in January(every few months i can submit my work again). And here we are, i spent past few months  trying to learn, but after all that stress i still couldn't do it, besides that i was sleeping 4h a night. Yesterday i tried to kill myself, took a knife and cut my wrists while crying. At the end i just cut myself, i didn't had enough courage to go over my veins. This isn't my first time tho i have been thinking about suicide since i was a little kid, couple of times i escaped home in the middle of the night and run to the woods crying for hours. I just can't take it anymore it hurts so bad i can't enjoy anything i can't laught without thing how i will cry later. I am worthless always been, and if there wasn't for me my parents would separate long time ago. I am everythign bad that has happened to this family. I am sorry for my English.",3.3195641986879103,4.602814163230242,4.105749765698222,89.185606841612,73.17525773195877,6.734208059981254,26.62933458294283,7.075746649084167,1.1379402061855668,2241,78,469,21,44,717,265,582,0.236,0.72,0.043,-0.9991,4,1,1,0,2,4,54.0,3,0,0,7,21,26,6,4,27,0,61,11,4,2,4,70,88,36,4,11,9,9,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,4,23,33,0,1,7,0,4,11,16,21,1,6,37,1,85,5,69,39,15,93,0,6,0,0,29,39,0,7,42,333,108,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199127078679932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256178878848729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048324222815472606,0.14272630632121605,0.06264681751477533,0.0,0.0,0.10396564750261032,0.056233931444445655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857317309733517,0.1054871945421133,0.03850732431146888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629212016565618,0.0,0.06896434537808095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450275950121177,0.07224867311681857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826340420131945,0.0,0.0,0.06989545714534882,0.27755335715734936,0.040738872496691884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052769714732748885,0.0,0.1118982252672552,0.06527061268093927,0.0,0.0417226243305419,0.0,0.05322272889632768,0.0,0.11354470822336872,0.0,0.11910049547955448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919871036627362,0.05773545387597001,0.05373164223578107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600654182030287,0.0,0.07180096136502394,0.05298328155818961,0.1515664069508497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758079819136307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002250088959592,0.06336380265956246,0.0,0.062208883102003884,0.0,0.06762387592679779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626856289837442,0.0,0.06988729935425311,0.0,0.03471610992673069,0.05149128402686776,0.0,0.0,0.06863346057754417,0.0,0.22309117527516933,0.0,0.06331207814735818,0.16733853632197812,0.11180541053468528,0.0,0.0,0.06895658354698783,0.0537041478978699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692379277909102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701248001938825,0.0,0.0,0.10084201730640956,0.0,0.046436589710129095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855992626427457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628539119828222,0.0,0.21402523649050506,0.09608596215285604,0.06721642374659341,0.0,0.2104255789689761,0.0,0.06030209638072066,0.04379353121741054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060444340325486026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040467771651239916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155832688815704,0.0,0.060088322225047223,0.0,0.0,0.3196527345227915,0.0,0.0,0.06589919463000421,0.0,0.0,0.10450833858209037,0.0,0.12642952945798713,0.0,0.0,0.048630693776904696,0.0,0.07071268578909816,0.0447114457683792,0.0,0.10089392115760246,0.0,0.07236004185981973,0.0,0.0,0.0690967915655149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749533533849937,0.05077296572780245,0.055212616785151096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196677286653498,0.12142871185055808,0.0,0.0,0.22100661770269345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403664881744504,0.17155081095537295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212116000873099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567966474198993,0.058558430027562995,0.0,0.07052609418875355,0.0,0.06089280132173799,0.0,0.04598788970296662,0.0,0.0,0.13462064401069535,0.0,0.0,0.1627154324926279
suicidewatch,Retevia,2019/01/09,"I am so sick of pain Back when I was 14 or 15 I started getting chronic migraines that stop me from doing really anything but the problem is that after getting passed from doctor to doctor i basically got told good luck now don't come back. Now I'm 21, have mostly learned to live with that issue I started having pain in my hands and my doctor couldn't explain it to me. So now I'm yet again being passed from doctor to doctor and no one can tell me what's wrong with me. It's gotten so bad that I can barely use my hands. I can barely work anymore. I hate it. I want to just work, make a living and live my life but I hurt so much. I can't stop thinking about how much relief I'd get if I just died. I feel useless and hopeless and don't know what to do anymore.",2.51518181818182,3.3573992606060656,4.075530303030302,90.33329545454544,74.57575757575758,5.984848484848485,23.446969696969692,5.46131890053228,0.280424242424242,598,16,133,2,12,200,94,165,0.276,0.653,0.071,-0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,16,12,1,0,2,0,15,13,2,3,0,29,34,15,1,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,11,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,5,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,4,3,21,3,15,28,3,17,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,4,13,91,30,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23541741759702725,0.0,0.0,0.09767185798422563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825307562091417,0.09910129482157064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224103122296413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231816086794914,0.0,0.0,0.6074218499210733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001329231068235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603207117641254,0.0,0.0,0.09955164376309604,0.09492733372665914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718192374142225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706023123069102,0.0,0.0,0.12388165150784093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522898745844433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383434379500497,0.0,0.0,0.3144166587240861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922657859157227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450179379013078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042749891214236,0.0,0.2525893178021123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357041803780135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603593187949392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680189595798514,0.0,0.0,0.1984605144519362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374039877818976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605183817265147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341349865832792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025101578801896,0.0,0.0,0.07000650956363179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281564593534082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976901695922782,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reddituser1618033,2019/01/09,"Been like this 20 yrs I’ve had suicidal thoughts most of my life. 
Always been dirt poor, fat, ugly, gross/sketchy looking. I live somewhere where systemic discrimination against people like me is the standard. Spent my childhood being abused or in institutions. Very bad luck with romantic partners. 
Been lucky sometimes, been given opportunities that I’ve always fucked up. 
Socially retarded. Burned out on weed and booze. Lazy and currently injured from my shit job where the management is constantly vapid, dishonest and very disrespectful to minorities. 

BUT

I’m still here. Every morning I take the metro, as it pulls in I close my eyes and imagine jumping, but I don’t. There’s always something that keeps me on my feet. And when there’s nothing holding me steady, I grit my teeth and remember the last time I felt this way& remember the feeling passed. 

Just wanted to share this, I hope it helps. I really have so little to live for. No family. No future. Acne scars. Cutting scars. Mental illness. Physical limitations. Undeveloped adultness. Unattractive. Anyone who would know me would think to themselves ‘damn. I’d kill my self too if I was like that’ but I don’t. 
I figure, I can kill myself now, or I can try this one last thing and if it doesn’t work out well...I can just kill myself:p

If your down deep in that dark pit, remember that lots of people are down in there with you (figuratively) and that most manage to climb back out. Fall in. Climb out. Fall in. Etc. And a good portion eventually climb out for the last time. 

Reading about mysticism helps a lot. I used to be atheist until I discovered thanatology and theosophy. 
Read Blavatsky. Read manly Palmer hall. Listen to Jordan Maxwell. Their messages help me. ",2.728888888888889,5.762912808917202,3.2529893842887496,84.16847912243458,88.10828025477707,6.230601556970984,24.493701344656767,7.554174236665415,1.748818202406229,1378,55,238,27,45,429,196,314,0.17,0.721,0.108,-0.97,2,0,1,0,1,2,58.0,0,2,1,6,15,17,7,0,8,0,20,10,5,1,0,54,36,22,4,7,10,0,2,3,1,2,4,1,0,4,15,18,2,3,11,3,2,8,5,8,0,1,10,5,31,9,34,22,6,45,0,0,2,1,15,22,3,12,17,148,46,7,0.0,0.12134272720258615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556476055637919,0.11096450571966224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160959148188915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874932013785894,0.08551062576038737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067213295654947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421763150847895,0.0,0.0,0.08628741853180115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654591669667566,0.0,0.05178311936960178,0.0,0.09833259633783084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467922199922958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589921422302753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593594231344456,0.0,0.0,0.10171927485748876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162915762146793,0.09102943168102744,0.33991462526382066,0.0,0.056283538427330033,0.2504409338473109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233737168650957,0.15010154138863913,0.10264478914376264,0.18086521328434213,0.0,0.08600117545964779,0.0,0.0,0.17413583942994665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320827480858308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982680913920256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693977386743812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420006390316051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073223177391475,0.0,0.06560842748821982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480420919600697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683915511029243,0.0,0.10512553247754694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439721560514756,0.0,0.07884257561451663,0.10128913320716493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178720053230197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202326330601957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700187426774571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803868516057246,0.06562215240557714,0.0,0.08130452852285873,0.11943575558452747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953174391532156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845200017732917,0.0,0.1690029970765616,0.060405875128724376,0.08129071862535912,0.0,0.0,0.09208163859223213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745579260680861,0.0,0.0,0.14550259627358791,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MKultra04,2019/01/09,"Help Im still young (15) but it fells like i have ruined my life.

Im sure everyody hates me so i slowly slided away from my friends couse i didnt want to a burdon on them, Now i have nobody. Im the least favorite child and my parents are disepointed in me couse im a nerd (play Mtg and D&D) 
Got robbed on my way to school... Nobody belived me and everybody at schook stoped talking to me. Start getting bullied couse allways alone.
Atempt sucide but fail (no train came) everything is meaningless. What do i do?",-0.18617044228694726,1.977148058252432,1.6494336569579318,93.42888619201729,102.39805825242719,4.61898597626753,19.31445523193096,6.42735559955562,0.3368040992448762,402,14,83,6,18,131,74,103,0.262,0.638,0.1,-0.9679,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,13,6,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,14,4,9,10,1,13,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,45,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896040928214318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722006882901085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234377978695896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976280252081931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529431539000252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334986770032221,0.0,0.09027669262296678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819755390831726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059633498151824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581884088141205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7465800809964335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204810554712656,0.0844174472064002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918650766900093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487473735052544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230307284842078,0.0,0.13799192105333244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285442293742294,0.0,0.0,0.13888367104714394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019172033969822,0.13715425340287646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xTezzie,2019/01/09,I don’t know if I’ll make it through tonight.. It’s all just too much. I’ve made so many steps forward but here I am faced with my demons again and I don’t know that I can win. ,-1.9785714285714284,-0.2835817142857113,-0.2330476190476176,111.69471428571428,92.33333333333334,3.3600000000000003,15.542857142857144,3.1291,-1.7362342857142856,136,3,41,0,5,43,33,42,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,1,10,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,2,7,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416884413182982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663237731936226,0.32896510846187177,0.4996481004251779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622837344579464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gainz-kommando,2019/01/09,"it's only a matter of time i am the scum of the fucking earth, humiliated and insulted. i know that when there's a free moment and i have a chance i'm going to kill myself. I know that if i reach out to someone i know they'll see me as someone who just wants attention so i don't reach out. maybe it's an ego thing, i used to think i was somebody who'd stand out and have a fucking life but im sinking slowly into the pit of mediocrity and weakness. i thought i could PR bench higher than i could, i thought i could do the sprint drills that the track coach laid out, i thought that i was somebody but i'm not, i never was, and i probably never will be. my dad used to be proud of me, he said it himself about 2 years ago but now i know its just pity. i thought i could go a whole month without masturbating and i failed that too, i tried again in december but no luck. it has been 74 days since someone has tried to contact me or speak to me in any way but i guess thats my fault because i could never really figure out social stuff. i reconignize that all of this is my own fault and i'm ready to die. i am a failure of a man caught up in my own delusion of grandeur that i built around myself to cope with the isolation. my one wish is that the world i leave behind explodes in nuclear hellfire in order to cleanse the earth of man and hopefully give it a new beginning where nature can live freely and unmolested.",3.8917368421052636,4.080783633333333,4.924561403508772,87.87868421052636,71.0,8.049122807017545,27.78947368421053,7.85451343220497,1.4130999999999996,1110,36,252,13,19,365,162,300,0.13,0.746,0.124,-0.4653,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,3,11,13,4,0,17,0,25,4,0,2,4,56,52,19,2,9,11,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,20,17,0,0,11,1,1,3,7,9,0,1,10,3,42,5,36,32,4,35,0,2,1,2,14,15,2,5,14,173,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918838054356498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609260152169241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961048843156592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821030086874695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466962281651569,0.0,0.0,0.07216317414256808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612959507876745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689069610242425,0.0,0.1073401120048595,0.1271852891610775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326522409889687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113722281363336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086606253752633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379550646779147,0.0,0.24597879446944776,0.0,0.0,0.11848090474090756,0.0,0.0,0.07903491846692373,0.0,0.0,0.09880554858545272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124138101992946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931371451629175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589015259547408,0.10806912185965888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582311176148916,0.08510137363344808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064199606583093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168295718216651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643799876918378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916602064312547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925609003668702,0.0,0.0,0.11406310778451262,0.2844254259633343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809328123698033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433822668546569,0.07169795285727901,0.0,0.35532929289407383,0.06524701537102555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193904846380588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328312487071656,0.0,0.0,0.06599871275959364,0.08881723470015261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492704153634725,0.12867400594981465,0.10786302016989303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205686713348704
suicidewatch,OpiCyde,2019/01/09,"6 months of planning culminates tonight. The folks who respond here and talk folks off the ledge are making a real difference. Thanks ton 


Keep doing what you’re dong. You make the world a better place.


As for me it’s checkout time. 

Takencren everon

",1.923260869565219,4.618151652173914,1.7872826086956553,92.4900543478261,97.69565217391305,4.908695652173913,20.967391304347828,6.6274283507984215,0.7629217391304346,200,7,36,3,8,59,41,46,0.0,0.871,0.129,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899500641580938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34252565220096765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914014922730504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376748512367125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168076900865245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34252565220096765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731565578353964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635073964482623,0.0,0.3018333423216293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911676079119392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,machultra,2019/01/09,I’m going to kill my self Because I’m not going to achieve my dream. This world is full of pain and that’s it.,0.6492307692307691,1.37198930769231,2.6415384615384627,99.27846153846157,79.0,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.5964,86,2,23,0,2,29,21,26,0.267,0.667,0.067,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26971642360351056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502914675504998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895108339564103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708032496287899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615769963706005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,animalhoarderr,2019/01/09,I am a murderer What’s the point lately? I have been so depressed that I am not even getting out of bed and I am forgetting to do important things. So for about a week I didn’t feed my 2 hamsters and 3 mice I forgot and I am a murderer and I hate myself I just want to die. It should have been me. They are sweet poor little creatures who cannot fend for themselves. They relied on me for everything how could I have forgotten them? I can’t claim to love animals and then KILL my animals. I go lower and lower everyday I just want to sink done and die and now I have no reason to stay. I don’t have any responsibilities anymore. I used to say “if it wasn’t for my parents then I would” but now even hough I try to think that I just can’t. Being dead seems better. Maybe it’s selfish but they will get over it.  I can’t live for other people and I can’t live with myself so I guess I’m done then. I want to die. ,-0.6519696969696973,1.4586538636363675,1.9210222222222235,95.3962,91.1717171717172,5.18820202020202,17.01090909090909,6.742157984588678,-0.1524426666666665,707,18,167,10,25,242,106,198,0.221,0.708,0.07,-0.9837,3,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,4,1,12,9,4,0,4,0,28,2,0,3,0,32,42,19,7,7,7,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,10,11,1,1,3,0,1,1,10,6,0,0,7,2,34,3,19,30,0,15,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,3,8,123,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172492323081736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483510328956089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229836956625599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943379148271654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288398664888755,0.0,0.4657459690419103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061607801584004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760283634812031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443998764019016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563070407303555,0.0,0.0850142689122778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478797159951394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768711339355026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549688327013254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687417026920539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499264058499521,0.2641777687616225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500894877626118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502811835043773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609969575518388,0.0,0.0,0.10370543705139793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140894666861886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380130775257167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895832740843384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361792350050927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944083201946815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937957503711202,0.0958499066185068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156038650050564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919594445513194,0.0,0.0,0.2646925136429389,0.0,0.1199904159063164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626297488215587,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NtheB,2019/01/09,"So depressed it physically hurts. I have absolutely nothing to get up for in the morning and no reason to want to go home at night.  There's is absolutely nothing for me when I go home, I have no SO, no friends, and no pets.  I have no hobbies, interests, skills, or passion in a life, I have nothing to look forward to going home to.

My psychologist seems to think my depression and anxiety are only very mild and I leave every session feeling empty handed.  I get to work and I'm so depressed that people avoid me.  I recently cancelled a few days off that I had because I realised it would just be another day of sitting around on my own drinking all day.  My life is so empty that sometimes all I can do is sit and cry, at work and at home.

I'm also a trans girl, and whenever I talk to a coworker or my psychologist about being depressed they just assume it's hormones or lack of social acceptance, and that it'll all come to pass, but I know it won't.

I don't know what I'm hoping to get from this, but I have nobody to talk to, and everyone who does, doesn't seem to get it.  I've never felt this suicidal in my life, and it scares me.  Help.",4.760859564164647,4.618032737288137,6.234285714285715,80.39025423728816,69.08474576271186,9.285230024213076,31.687651331719128,9.04235418022936,2.5058447941888624,890,35,187,15,14,305,123,236,0.17600000000000002,0.75,0.07400000000000001,-0.9548,0,2,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,11,12,0,2,5,0,19,6,1,1,4,39,40,22,1,4,7,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,5,1,15,13,1,1,10,1,0,6,9,7,0,0,2,4,25,5,30,33,6,25,0,5,1,1,8,11,0,7,8,130,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858929413902571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262508300803906,0.0821656805675508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561455888831112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547400712410799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252119163923674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798099977585265,0.20780492613573529,0.0,0.3700362535044269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939921542970636,0.0,0.0,0.10521748254617384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049461091444244,0.10263151611763703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430795496056225,0.0,0.1031270861640086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298199753911359,0.0,0.2244618584466581,0.0,0.18312477197479116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199231471614027,0.0,0.4309499183257599,0.10667889197931167,0.0,0.0,0.11498088255569218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805560990313202,0.0,0.0,0.11372797806601212,0.0,0.0,0.2275931676968009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019441123432424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283851626956634,0.0,0.0,0.10079372685145056,0.0,0.3091783082796301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168748521237996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446214522011299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104317732853227,0.10605096378189097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753264640102334,0.0,0.0,0.1955576922719583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094874034649346,0.0,0.0,0.10622777753010833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748528115380125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726585567402889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688217500344194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886216132319543,0.06335113808863882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638642631619773,0.0,0.0,0.07629849786250575,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Death-is-imminent,2019/01/09,"I want to die but I can't do it I have nothing to live for; no friends, many enemies and I'm a disappointment to my family. I'm a social outcast without a future and I still can't bring myself to do it because of what a coward I am. I fantasise of people loving me and being famous for standing in the face of danger and being super confident with myself. However, I could never be this. I freeze at the thought of pain. I'm such a coward I can't even bring myself to give myself the pain I deserve. I've done stupid things only a coward would do. I've betrayed so many people without them knowing, I physically can't look anyone in the eye anymore. I'm a disappointment a coward and, most of all, a horrible person and I want to make it up to everyone by taking my own life but I can't. I hate everyone and everything and yet I can't leave it all.",1.0665797641216628,3.100926312849161,4.043640595903167,83.78384698944757,81.96089385474859,6.659342023587834,22.793606455617628,7.793537801064563,1.3035211669770337,666,23,134,12,18,239,92,179,0.3,0.565,0.135,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,5,10,3,0,13,0,17,6,2,1,3,24,33,11,1,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,2,3,23,3,22,26,4,11,0,2,2,1,6,4,0,1,4,103,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701038702083206,0.11070066475228696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651008835132692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640522588920736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643106296044924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201580010938085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045685264398009,0.0,0.0,0.3025621043590199,0.14228734427023276,0.0,0.1492495200191716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231724108299805,0.0,0.0,0.15187447586786498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630771407050434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700824833070184,0.0,0.0,0.16763747467546095,0.0,0.0,0.11182573404507036,0.0,0.0,0.1397990054600758,0.0,0.13294849329323274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288951606796593,0.0,0.10567948534965327,0.3210222163423431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210574661963765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191181538561038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040910219685763,0.33692618796221463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195175926959991,0.13823846729626094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138677691940906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643414492099508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190365493254814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518043072556614,0.0,0.0,0.12568798632412326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676186788147325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052286670445401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124656194606522,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kynoleague,2019/01/09,Anyone else don't feel like there life is that bad? I still have suicidal thoughts but it's not like I get bullied every day or have no money I just have depression for some reason.,3.1947747747747783,4.842886675675679,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,74.13513513513513,7.095495495495496,23.144144144144143,7.793537801064563,0.9838900900900902,145,4,30,2,3,46,32,37,0.3670000000000001,0.5379999999999999,0.095,-0.8917,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,8,2,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261301277912711,0.3115559396441994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25388598637854937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610017827601556,0.0,0.2618952903217357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540117050982901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25619232897899696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537470720393189,0.21722787187056786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886417351628654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147738342381421,0.2971067634657171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126348951098943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428309218373523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33260353843613244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24139784076555415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_THING_IMDEAD,2019/01/09,"Don't know how longer I can bear this Throwaway for obvious reasons.

 For the past two years I've been trying to find something to cheer me up, but everything is just so temporary. Money really can't buy you happiness. I try to give others what I can't have.  When I look at my peers how they are enjoying their lives, relationships, it just makes me feel so empty.

This year i will try to cross the last few thing of my bucket list, and if nothing catches my interest, who knows, this might be my last year.",4.344483734087696,5.318698356435647,4.991598302687411,84.9741584158416,70.38613861386139,8.939745403111743,26.309759547383308,9.23628265651192,1.923892786421499,398,12,83,8,7,128,76,101,0.098,0.8370000000000001,0.065,-0.5276,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,4,1,15,17,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,2,14,4,9,13,1,11,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,7,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904943426330674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073349925523624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208687159759868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111354648332124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120773553747302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897629363671567,0.3247878450262977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591819544161738,0.0,0.1672977497218799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298338065229728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134488473824248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911605332308937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018158416716568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762781697931988,0.2048351656782088,0.0,0.2138917187764056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337215348614272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235538770909086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40577948716745205,0.0,0.1946126269131319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848806332268799
suicidewatch,gengar-ears,2019/01/09,I feel like relapsing tonight I’m so fucking stressed. I hate myself and I’m extremely unhappy in my own home. I feel so alone.,0.11653846153846105,2.488266423076926,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,96.30769230769228,7.215384615384615,29.57692307692308,8.07648339933343,2.796415384615385,101,6,21,3,4,34,19,26,0.411,0.509,0.08,-0.8866,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39167774421549495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824357227112848,0.2701700171259503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496189214923302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733718978684702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793427767326272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847583799504232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43320094520006974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwthisawaytovenus,2019/01/09,"My penis gets smaller each day at the age of 20 with erectile dysfunction Tell me one good reason why i shouldnt kill myself. My penis keeps getting shorter and i have physical erectile dysfunction at the age of 20. Its called peyronies. No girl supports this ""disgusting"" type of disease, medicine is actively trying to STOP finding a cure and i lost my length forever. I dont want support i want solutions but there are none i tried everything for 3 years and npthing improved. Since the age of 17 i am losing penis length every day non stop",3.80294117647059,6.431963019607847,4.237019607843138,82.85258823529412,75.66666666666667,7.217254901960787,30.788235294117648,8.238735603445708,2.6139694117647068,436,21,75,8,10,137,74,102,0.17800000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.123,-0.4307,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,14,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,12,3,9,12,2,10,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276140108699827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434898042158764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124406453732906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905192074048952,0.0,0.16965969527815156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725378428393698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725533574962945,0.0,0.0,0.15833635128667134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779278137109388,0.208852673062138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111920555065204,0.20607130239816046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791950227528126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940931672540699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615745687577662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156503754731978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284415324388979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649985434961942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563330230604105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268995009261705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034097659168565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156555389373147
suicidewatch,Ulysses183,2019/01/09,"I stand out in a crowd, and not for the better How do I live when some of people are asses, jerks, unscrupulous without shame, dislike me, attack me, watch me for weaknesses.  It’s been weird lately.  Several people in the last 5 months I’ve realized were watching me for an extended period of time and came to use some perceived weakness they saw against me.  I hadn’t paid the slightest attention to them.  That’s what people who stand out in a crowd get, you would get to see another gross perspective of human nature, be happy if you don’t stand out.

I stand out in a crowd for purely physical reasons, and being a guy also doesn’t improve upon that, and it’s not good.  It isn’t even that anyone knows me, but I see a side of human nature as someone who stands out in the crowd and not in a good way that normal people don’t see.  I get people going “ahem” at me like three times a day.  I get odd comments from passing strangers, I find out that for the last 40 minutes someone behind me has been studying me and didn’t like me more often than you’d think.  Someone I hadn’t said a word around or even noticed.  That’s scary stuff, it’s a side of human nature that’s ugly as hell and be happy if you don’t have to deal with that.  Sort of an off my chest also.  Take care of yourselves out there young people.",6.155421108742003,5.141827921641795,6.581684434968017,81.97067164179107,66.42537313432837,9.149680170575694,29.590618336887,7.957251820313856,1.8160588486140723,1025,28,212,10,14,334,141,268,0.13,0.7829999999999999,0.087,-0.8672,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,2,1,9,16,3,1,16,0,20,4,2,3,1,42,37,17,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,4,16,17,0,0,7,0,1,3,12,8,0,1,10,7,26,8,41,22,3,38,1,0,6,1,19,19,2,7,12,144,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533472338078585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150788101547445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102438813393363,0.0,0.0,0.10315572814200463,0.0,0.13182762216521499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248441654180468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253322844805707,0.11814504674739705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473153571402348,0.11946482937858187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530722673041021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591012634548908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421652802395895,0.0,0.06585597219200437,0.19438544836180885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473714976707552,0.0,0.2467079510530849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368335817472884,0.18891159697791168,0.1307151025622062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132239904114956,0.0,0.10232213965906724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924924814551516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353555124671393,0.0,0.13192753925691794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820100766141048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191415838310464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022623659310912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770185930155074,0.0,0.0,0.130908827423252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29454841934145043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265225283156018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712561569755785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424975672481468,0.0,0.0,0.13513844748015158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008113501671408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197833141183737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170197597078614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231619948528729,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fuckin_Tired,2019/01/09,"telling my parents how do i even tell my parents that i tried to kms? 

its getting worse and im starting to experience stress and paranoia. 

i hate talking to ppl about deep stuff.  its just i either tell them or die",1.3813953488372093,3.867996441860466,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,84.5813953488372,4.370232558139535,27.20465116279069,5.6839178017228535,0.7643153488372092,169,8,35,1,5,53,32,43,0.32,0.68,0.0,-0.9382,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,4,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214639592951889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094133738495995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873526285225685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148687827744974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106773329866649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049659938816505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473886178794078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510377418516671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444362318189349,0.0,0.2442792055084025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151389222271074,0.5595338386607245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448770368204369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746149080810614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RadstagStew,2019/01/09,"I want to go so bad But I can't leave my boyfriend and cats.

I experienced a lot of trauma during childhood that still affects me each day. My dad also killed himself when I was a toddler. My mom and everyone who raised me are now shunning me because I decided I didn't want to be a Jehovah's Witness anymore. I lost all of those people at once. I have chronic mental and physical illnesses. I'm in pain physically and mentally every day. I haven't been able to get or keep a job since the cleaning job I had for several years but I lost that when I moved away to a different city. I'm relying on other people to live. I'm extremely underweight and its so hard to get myself to eat unless I'm medicated. Even then I don't enjoy my meals, trying to choke it down past the anxious knot in my throat. I hate my body, I look like a skeleton. My teeth are in poor condition as I have problems with neglect. I'm a joke to my peers. It feels like people around me just see a loser when they look at me. I'm 29 and have no accomplishments to feel proud of.

I want to be a source of love and light to the people around me but this weight is so heavy. I'm in such a selfish place and I feel so guilty for that.

I think about ending it a lot. But I am afraid I will survive and have to face people being disappointed in me. Or if I don't survive what that will do to my partner. I know how much this kind of loss hurts. I feel trapped.",1.7048777381558828,3.2827893145695413,3.670463576158941,89.43545084055019,78.03973509933775,6.89780947529292,23.867040244523693,7.748469712250963,1.049244625573102,1111,37,249,17,26,377,164,302,0.242,0.6829999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9955,3,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,8,17,22,2,1,14,0,22,12,4,2,1,40,49,28,1,5,9,2,6,2,1,2,4,0,1,1,14,13,3,2,7,1,1,2,6,15,0,0,6,11,43,7,37,38,5,27,0,7,3,1,7,13,0,5,14,167,57,3,0.11057965329609246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843050878955679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124923532977659,0.10966530243050353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968786713628944,0.0,0.0,0.10389322433127306,0.0,0.09232939158703332,0.06740833028606337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282906641357155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262945669901714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553220201495093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315059156261185,0.0,0.0,0.09794075104035366,0.0,0.0,0.07303681810052072,0.0,0.0931681271632974,0.10566359751135164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236495810133056,0.07899812640958791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554660968065865,0.0,0.06284496527727956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905764929586616,0.10917451425355833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837780591625514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946648635191404,0.09828827667772884,0.1223400026334568,0.11515169245236966,0.060771685543764525,0.0,0.0,0.11708788639907705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804726601286713,0.0,0.09764385977361298,0.0,0.18571811714275568,0.0,0.2414215083622137,0.18802173373302966,0.09980245441763476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139736712625872,0.22287656382087145,0.0,0.0,0.1295095534702748,0.0,0.11752867140598268,0.08128876863060835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776372183086725,0.0,0.0,0.11766454755229208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556079141969836,0.3833100415934391,0.0,0.11553220201495093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580979409597832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811766688101053,0.0,0.0,0.124923532977659,0.0,0.09147263190513487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830905396382076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085497682143341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750763259489678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956682336021826,0.0,0.0,0.13465622738259672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120967122633817
suicidewatch,TheEternalLoser1,2019/01/09,"Would anyone care? If I kill myself now, would anyone care? My workmates, parents, friends or people who knew me.

Should I do it at work? I think of coming early in the morning then shooting/stabbing myself right there and let them discover the mess. Or hanging so that I could leave them a gruesome image.

Maybe on the street , in front of other people. Would they rush to save me and if so why?

If I want to throw myself off a building why does someone call the emergency and then have the cops trying to reason with me.

I think it's about money. As long as I am young I can pay 
Taxes that's why.

Or maybe just my rotting body found in my house after several days would be enough.

What would be their reaction? 

I missed out so much in life. Anytime I see a cute girl online or someone who's been places I think of myself (what a loser, wasn't able to do it because of ....)

I just crave for affection and low key sluts. Someone to hold, touch and fuck. Some point in my life I was so lonely and horny I even thought of fucking dogs I just saw on the street 

Besides, I am living in a self-induced state of stress because of some responsibilities I have. Tasks which take in reality a very short time to do seem so hard for me to accomplish. Until I put my mind to it. Then, I withdraw very fast from like a lot of things and I am pretty disorganized. 

The deadly combo for failure in life.

Why can't I be like those guys who always get laid. I can only imagine how much happiness and peace of mind they have and how far ahead of me they are.

I am fully aware they work too, I wish I could start but I don't know where .

Social media messages hurt me especially from women and I hold in myself feelings of revenge which are pretty childish at my age.

It is indeed my attitude that drives women away ultimately but if I was taller and had a bigger dick I could be way more confident and happy.
If I was more attractive physically I'd have had a better life.

I think alcohol on psychiatric meds damaged my brain I don't know whether I'll recover.

I think I should just do it. There is however a way out. But I'm headed to a boring life with no alcohol and the friends who see me not drinking anymore would start to ask questions and ultimately leave me.
Nobody in my shithole of a country approves of Looney on meds like me.

 I'd rather choose to die . No organs though . Let those guys who had the fun of their life do it. My life was and is meaningless anyways.",2.219525691699605,4.2563657777777815,3.505729029424681,89.09453557312256,78.0909090909091,6.162933684672817,22.882081686429512,7.1686216300943375,0.7728234519104076,1920,60,397,23,46,625,239,495,0.129,0.743,0.127,0.7045,2,2,3,1,0,1,53.0,0,0,8,7,21,27,3,1,21,0,49,17,4,4,0,79,78,42,3,19,19,1,3,3,2,8,9,0,0,5,23,20,3,2,16,1,3,7,7,13,0,0,13,6,66,14,58,48,8,57,0,6,3,4,26,31,3,14,19,279,89,5,0.07217250475282286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426091704101075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005330557315953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157573138425599,0.10092938683498674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747154937189828,0.0,0.06780844398885325,0.0,0.0,0.08799137803270139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383071541748367,0.0,0.08016738265385341,0.0,0.08056838418454493,0.07369619672241315,0.0,0.14716935728159647,0.0,0.0,0.062170222254248536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287161694490352,0.0,0.0,0.04654529488322293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749036653644369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315864527112214,0.0,0.0,0.07070157829824192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457349033627883,0.0,0.047669258714135986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649258694415717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913342625647339,0.11152059628078427,0.13344463534347384,0.03770715492306842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429242533006557,0.0,0.15365794670330518,0.06465238813388459,0.0,0.07406981164452155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327738041878215,0.0772621590451448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984818326280223,0.0,0.07932824227618357,0.0,0.0,0.15284052329243444,0.0,0.14760255189312488,0.3568430215102055,0.10577952074460058,0.0,0.06372964395832555,0.06387039556997201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061358482627656225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450139633363588,0.0,0.16033476530770682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457473114639226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611019053630937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054890442082142187,0.0,0.0,0.0801390254879148,0.0,0.0,0.10007065485955828,0.0,0.07540490633210174,0.0,0.06822634520654716,0.0,0.0,0.1468507676348799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255330145615906,0.0808497227768194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420535519959431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061634924715044434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115024284164619,0.06570313771726019,0.07529166269561144,0.08153438728395902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357077969766321,0.18345458720530944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021681406677827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267336034891876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426474159508283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794820520692437,0.2312261342379684,0.07090911947982688,0.057296907026729876,0.04208436791727975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900039319953112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909974987447328,0.04256921322833448,0.11457434983842872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26049783929767395,0.0,0.08299481864402601,0.0,0.0,0.10508488606087607,0.0,0.0,0.307615659876498,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredquestman,2019/01/09,"I can never shake it and i am afraid of not making it It's hard to imagine me being around for long. some days i can be okay and think about the future in a better light. and then most days I can't fathom myself making it past 30... this is also why i don't want kids, i just never know.  


I am always feeling the urge. I throw myself into work constantly to distract and there are days I don't eat and care for myself because I want to just waste away.  


I just lose interest in everything so quickly, i'm so lonely, and so very exhausted. However, I am also very high functioning and everyone constantly calls me superwoman. i feel like a fraud, like i'm drowning, and nothing often provides me relief except for suicidal ideation or i get so distracted by work i hit a productive streak.  


very alone right now based on where i live and work and have been pulling all nighters to work endlessly on projects. i hate feeling like this but it just feels like all this weight on me would be lifted off if i was gone and i can't think of any other alternative. it's always lingering in the back of my mind or dead center in my stomach, just feel stuck.",3.430280193236716,4.942911486956521,4.528115942028986,85.35685990338165,73.26086956521739,7.7198067632850265,25.386473429951693,8.344100000000001,1.5711835748792264,902,29,182,15,18,295,132,230,0.151,0.762,0.087,-0.9285,1,3,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,19,17,1,4,6,1,18,4,1,2,4,46,38,22,3,4,11,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,13,2,0,9,0,0,4,7,8,0,0,4,8,28,9,24,29,4,33,0,2,0,0,2,15,0,6,18,126,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038464358367572,0.0,0.18590654289576355,0.1934340455642308,0.0,0.0,0.07904394228566572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347399801263292,0.0,0.0,0.10920682482832182,0.08937771710850867,0.0,0.07085591736037691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280061519195888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868916572250378,0.0,0.118509563671672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25121798064718315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248863223758812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893765846171353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106774343010788,0.10446472984604303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938601238658413,0.2491154146415482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072811025032291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041239351669897,0.11475822538522013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280890226717532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387984260203611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271466484671317,0.0,0.10263783763084512,0.10286452085336392,0.0,0.13003749056574132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551758372319269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736444737513756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179295550123475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153083808030366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109596793391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926425133378868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714247589451785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895768404068868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877187136998004,0.13711710042691466,0.0,0.0,0.14154319620425354,0.0,0.0,0.10488421585449552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338482527221558,0.0,0.0,0.08257017245055713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway72727272728,2019/01/09,"may 31, the day. i’ve decided on a date. may 31. my life has been in the shitter for a while now (like 3 years which isnt that long but i’m young) but my boyfriend has always kept me safe and alive, but hes left me so he cant really say anything to me now. my parents dont love me, they never have and they never will, my bf hates me, my friends barely like me, my dog would rather sit on the floor in the hall than in my bed. i have no one, it’s not going to change. 

but, you know in the case that theres a possibility, i’ll give myself 5 months. in these 5 months i will get my license and so i will be able to go to the store by myself and buy sleeping pills (can i buy sleeping pills at 15???). i’ll stock up. my parents will clean the pool and then when i come back from school on that friday, i’ll take the pills and go into the pool. once i pass out, i’ll drown and my misery will finally be over. ",0.8778465346534645,1.8238559306930715,2.7109777227722804,98.1127042079208,78.8019801980198,5.8420792079207935,18.565594059405946,5.985473137389443,-0.5404861386138613,686,12,181,4,16,229,116,202,0.105,0.809,0.086,-0.7254,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,2,0,8,6,1,0,12,0,20,7,2,0,2,25,32,16,1,2,6,2,0,2,2,8,4,1,2,0,6,10,0,2,2,2,3,5,7,1,0,1,2,1,28,5,21,20,0,38,0,0,0,1,12,16,0,2,18,112,34,2,0.16158817917414178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344543096320298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297330325516055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425133554187096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709388677383,0.13919390836332038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421100771079056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893801425461322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770119519174734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248426263931326,0.0,0.08442315431234343,0.15501010553826314,0.2755028580771455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595348732304017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880463737814445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755660294733363,0.0,0.11413450968088455,0.15788764442056974,0.0,0.0,0.14300045368565756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583964052838785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579562859512932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24925353074872186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208613715279578,0.10949633214334506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588491006022845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216639294878126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035175252807579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850140575388833,0.0,0.16353586410539414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32340975244928044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149420084193195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478760629395884,0.0,0.0,0.10405748951158876
suicidewatch,CaveJohnson05,2019/01/09,"can someone give me reasons to keep going? my family doesn't particularly care about me. it feels like they love me but they don't like or care about me as a person. i know my death would hurt for a while but at least i wouldn't be there to hurt them in the long run. i hurt those that i love and care about, maybe i'm just selfish. i don't want to but it feels like the empathetic part of my brain just turns itself off and i do whatever feels good. i can't keep getting away with this. i'm ok with hurting myself but not them. what's the point of living if i'm not having fun, nobody would miss me and those that would are better off without me? please any reason will work i'm just puzzled atm",1.5918430562725838,3.2035171879194664,2.8182550335570475,95.27133711925659,78.46308724832215,5.658440887971089,18.172947857511613,6.297961479604792,-0.39977170882808455,547,10,129,4,13,176,87,149,0.258,0.5760000000000001,0.165,-0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,4,2,7,18,0,0,5,1,14,3,1,2,0,31,35,11,1,6,12,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,2,6,0,1,2,8,6,0,0,0,3,21,12,18,29,2,10,0,5,0,2,8,6,0,3,5,85,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341055120268431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523971591782807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847960930576347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369250960383586,0.0,0.0,0.3751690923860854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156295282639106,0.0,0.18605626844538511,0.17525149891302888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408290126991048,0.11766318576886617,0.06970845300100546,0.10287836045987096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252248089352516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804527013769628,0.0,0.0,0.06740874415043951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977114948302952,0.0,0.1083078394559392,0.10854704529501996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214043614301076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322482979957068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282491748989828,0.0,0.0,0.10709882858812164,0.0,0.1346398830938223,0.11594993450972907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25222239443183525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392636113204233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334149305483549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234591668384452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823638286558255,0.0,0.08929531268187925,0.0,0.0,0.2613947406157134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Meiizu,2019/01/09,"I really don't know what to do (my grammar is gonna be horrible, took my meds and my head hurts)

I cant handle being alive anymore, everything hurts at this point and I cant seem to help myself. I tried a lot to at least get a bit better and leave my place at least but I literally cant do it anymore. its late and I don't know what to do. my wrists feel like they are screaming my name and everything seems to be moving in my room, the hallucinations feel like they are about to touch me and I don't know if I can do anything against it. My life has been absolute garbage recently and my parents couldn't care less about me anymore and I wish they would just accept me, its been years since I last properly talked to them. I just need help at this point.",2.7612264150943417,3.8954493522012577,3.9007704402515735,90.69568396226416,74.34591194968553,7.564150943396226,23.94182389937107,8.07648339933343,1.0048654088050315,593,17,137,9,12,193,87,159,0.116,0.787,0.097,0.0129,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,4,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,22,3,2,0,0,26,35,10,0,5,4,1,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,8,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,3,4,28,5,15,26,5,15,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,4,6,92,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076073603068258,0.0,0.0,0.1127409308837708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211670907379634,0.14957064535224499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968261792897455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462570360408197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854460394515886,0.1957484397911716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157786391945141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060352496092085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836590373672878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29332684035904777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22587806513904501,0.11167487401920824,0.15454416610272026,0.14506528270196753,0.0,0.0,0.0967685283616228,0.13386446430426646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647415798903266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217828070251982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561139044721808,0.0,0.10158520939971316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521244515189382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313787755427268,0.0,0.2590222499087637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776695680442155,0.0,0.1352728968144187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944285826931475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332942813216587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011697723978528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522142065365968,0.09301533047485196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754548034827515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732225394647756,0.0,0.0,0.08822476351101284
suicidewatch,garbageboob,2019/01/09,"My suicidal ideations have been morphing into me actually considering killing myself I don’t want to go into the spiel about why I’m depressed, but basically I’m lonely and nobody cares about me, I have no future, etc. 

I’ve fantasized about killing myself for a while now. It’s always been on and off, but for the last month it’s the only thing on my mind. Recently, as in the past few days, my suicidal ideations have started to worsen. I was on my way home when the sudden intrusive thought of me jumping in front of a bus popped in my head. At that moment, I realized that I did not fear death. I felt a complete wash of numbness overtake me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. 

All day, everyday, just “bus, bus, bus, bus. It would be so easy to walk along the highway and wait for a city bus. Jump. Bus. Neck snap, ribs crush.” and I don’t know how to feel about this all. A very small part of me thinks about how there’s no going back, how I would almost certainly be crushed. That rational part of me always kept me from hurting myself but it’s almost completely gone. The urge to step in front of that bus is overpowering, I feel it in my bones. I’ve never experienced numbness until now. I don’t know what to do, my thoughts are racing. ",2.4073517786561283,4.401353292490125,3.624901185770753,88.66604743083006,77.3399209486166,6.9296442687747035,24.04347826086957,7.893859768569023,1.2042000000000006,985,33,207,16,23,320,137,253,0.177,0.747,0.075,-0.9795,1,2,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,0,1,16,10,2,1,12,0,19,7,4,3,4,38,38,15,5,3,5,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,13,7,0,3,10,0,0,9,8,8,0,0,10,4,28,2,38,24,6,42,0,3,0,0,0,13,0,2,19,138,41,0,0.13123865709172142,0.0,0.12806999791763787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628331153852381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184021520198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091442642468666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380655750300144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27520247008145904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927615344189445,0.0,0.1130356630472116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636579402954258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767997574672098,0.13271641661201325,0.0,0.12600969177779414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491719064425296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346887245295938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164307360903268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049369675915546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903922588945193,0.0,0.14425066750043553,0.10697702171998036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251363172694874,0.0,0.10475344400078886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121934295571001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981291255863607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28423735303312536,0.12528214815763095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958234112851275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085619733291338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928913969711814,0.0,0.0,0.10972139380674052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710757992471403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718913224456043,0.16818486455932055,0.0,0.2083776684611499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828563652472126,0.07740796022905451,0.10417113734274512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842247515798125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645635315387105,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tabitha1985,2019/01/09,"i’m killing myself tomorrow this feels weird to write and NOT have a throwaway account or something like that. if you search my history here on reddit, I make posts on jacksepticeye and things like that. mundane things. but that’s because I’ve been fighting SO hard... so fucking hard to just... be happy. one minute of happiness. i’d settle with that. so i’d know what it’s like. so i could have something to strive for. but it’s not there. 

people can’t tell though. I have my ‘happy mask’ that makes it look like things are okay. but they’re not. and trust me when i say I’ve tried literally everything to make them okay. 

most recently was moving to the opposite side of the country to try a ‘fresh start’. but it just reminded me of everything that everyone else had and what I didn’t. so I ran. literally. this evening a have a shift at the hostel that I volunteer at in turn for staying there. but instead i got in my car, took the last $150 out of account (I would have never been enough for food for the month anyways...), and just drove. i got on a ferry and am headed to a random island. there’s no way now I’d ever be able to make it back in time for my shift. they’ll notice I’m missing (and literally just left all my shit on there). but it doesn’t matter. 

there’s an amazing park on the island with a cool abandoned train trestle in it, and I have some good rope in my car. 

my mum passed away a year and a half ago; we were really close— so it makes me happy to think of seeing her soon. ",1.4881709956709948,3.519482730519485,2.8958181818181856,92.5870606060606,80.46103896103895,6.054718614718616,20.98095238095238,7.1686216300943375,0.4450606926406926,1163,33,257,15,30,378,163,308,0.087,0.779,0.134,0.9436,0,0,2,0,2,1,44.0,1,1,2,0,25,21,4,0,16,3,21,4,2,5,3,47,42,25,1,3,15,1,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,22,13,1,1,3,0,2,7,8,7,0,2,11,7,27,14,35,26,4,40,0,2,2,1,10,16,2,5,18,173,49,0,0.10898720152298677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661057823867884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239706347013344,0.08380443059271238,0.0,0.06643758646578114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701741204680334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104482194021014,0.0,0.0,0.11261291328862515,0.0,0.07198501872315481,0.09858516341258404,0.0,0.10414194159912764,0.19590133838707616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055107203789022084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178775669418055,0.0,0.0,0.10075691161163297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141329377472852,0.1743340424565364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640756105199875,0.19526225059313715,0.0,0.11185231157098503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057819068787455,0.0,0.059896515695477374,0.08883911556924866,0.0,0.0,0.11841491334697295,0.0,0.0,0.21298256603176072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152180015119668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637490165804157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699254445709398,0.11583614718843907,0.0,0.0,0.08405764866237843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240826512962284,0.0,0.0,0.07385254836292095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555800276759382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437961221390724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981999207241676,0.0,0.107611713189989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667099707703914,0.0,0.0,0.0868486889932714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111873796175176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678073447306101,0.0,0.0,0.07714170219201777,0.11616585561491585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525961793645044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721876169254875,0.06983459802561165,0.10707937213808794,0.0,0.06355131365991135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210887910512467,0.14799031145261754,0.11854677879425317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650896763228667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742138096635558,0.0,0.0,0.07018418449504038
suicidewatch,oMarethyu,2019/01/09,"I went outside today. Didn't take my phone or wallet. Left before my family woke up. Didn't really plan on coming home. Walked down to the Murray River, but when I got there I just kept walking. Couldn't seem to commit. Ended up wandering town for a few hours. Eventually came home. Wanted to break down in my driveway. 

I'm so tired. I don't sleep much. Don't eat much, either. Just don't have the energy to make something or really care. Easier to ignore my hunger like I ignore everything else. 

Got home before anyone woke up. Don't plan on telling them. It's bad enough I mentioned wanting to see a psychologist. Their ""support"" feels like pity. I don't want them to know how bad it is. I wish I could disappear, like I never existed. 

Why can't I rest? Don't I deserve that, at least?",0.4643268124280766,2.9289957088607608,2.5210356731875727,89.77963176064443,91.91139240506331,5.6575373993095495,16.675489067894134,7.1686216300943375,0.3379518987341772,614,15,124,11,22,205,99,158,0.203,0.6679999999999999,0.129,-0.8968,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,2,6,10,0,0,4,0,13,4,1,2,2,24,34,6,0,6,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,2,2,3,3,0,0,6,11,5,0,0,9,2,19,5,17,23,7,23,0,1,1,0,6,11,0,3,8,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787235463909147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23374316531181175,0.0,0.0,0.23821337468509676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160091787607088,0.14271177086828934,0.0,0.0,0.1205743189623678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175702624863763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322729184139474,0.11692945487624838,0.0,0.1239745045845372,0.1446294943770942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579867926026184,0.0,0.1319540581415413,0.0,0.07077453897417998,0.09999671720610018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238983405800101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212129025933921,0.0,0.13784517931197565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692548329501031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208104065459804,0.0,0.0,0.20515116741559147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343304388788017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579247580232465,0.0,0.10795578295189352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793405366392621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115403341374981,0.1274261341957473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400740560627712,0.0,0.0,0.10775803019564696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883966675966554,0.0,0.0,0.10524225303133544,0.0,0.12234254469017125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087833730690226,0.13267800824722578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476790515295041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297563448316786,0.1263038333530284,0.0,0.16096200677044886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apocalyptictronix,2019/01/09,"Think hanging is the best option! Think hanging is going to be the best way to go.  I don’t have any access to a firearm, can’t think off a better way to end it! Stabbing myself in the neck is too messy and frightening + I don’t want to leave a mess that someone else will have to clear up. Any ideas how I can die in a quick and painless way? Need to make sure I end it within the next 24 hours! ",1.2963546798029562,2.431881000000004,2.8203612479474565,96.97862068965513,78.08045977011494,5.4311986863711015,20.47454844006568,5.288315135182226,-0.3499313628899836,305,7,75,1,7,100,55,87,0.13699999999999998,0.65,0.212,0.8061,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,8,0,11,1,1,2,2,13,19,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,12,17,2,17,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,5,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480922295332289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828593529621719,0.16132819975115062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931439838910705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238145037519368,0.0,0.3231249959752485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073373844552077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796386408627156,0.0,0.0,0.2059204460493332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931475020334677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176113157862956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525585911145935,0.0,0.0,0.1939967616093652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545567213545408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192073489538728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35064588320573675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075910631744068,0.434369413131221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lillebei,2019/01/09,"I lost the only one i love and its killing me.. I dont easily have a bond with people... loving and caring about someone rarely happens... i just lost the only person i love and i feel like giving up on life. My body already shut down, its just a matter of time until i completely break down",2.352033898305088,4.015301491525428,4.0120000000000005,87.31562711864406,76.45762711864407,6.07593220338983,20.274576271186444,6.742157984588678,0.3589769491525425,224,5,45,2,5,75,43,59,0.156,0.539,0.305,0.8876,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,0,4,0,2,5,1,0,0,8,11,4,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,9,5,8,9,0,8,0,2,0,3,5,5,0,0,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018416350360056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211564986069759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419296222763568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970016370939828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232249419269908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630542239137173,0.13606907551594696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271251326387916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684286120522132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072260588363256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345318941724567,0.09305215368128067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158326652228666,0.0,0.5157094854283203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129064811417399,0.2897162219855291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204526579574227,0.16630771987928689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138137440971273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106235999518356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckwhatnamedoiuse,2019/01/09,I can't do this anymore I lost my job for bullshit reasons and no matter how much I look there aren't any jobs around here. I've even applied to fast food places and nobody is hiring. I have bills to pay. I have a gf but she hasn't even been talking me lately. It's a long distance relationship and way too far for either of us to make the trip. Shes in school with no spare money and I'm broke. She hasn't said she loves me in 2 days. We used to text thousands of times a day. We've sent 87 texts in the past 3 days. I counted. She doesn't understand that I'm depressed out of my skull and everytime I walk out of a potential job place without a job it hurts so much. I've been thinking about it for a while now but I think its finally time. I dont want to be an attention whore and dont expect this to be any help. This is more of something for my gf and parents to find after the fact. I'm sorry to take up your time and for the shitty writing. I dont feel like revising it.,0.5858333333333334,2.202440731481481,2.552555555555557,95.99800000000002,81.5,5.616296296296297,20.522222222222226,6.508806274219699,0.018121111111111254,762,21,185,7,20,255,128,216,0.18,0.7829999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.982,5,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,11,0,18,4,1,4,1,32,34,13,0,2,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,9,13,1,0,7,0,3,3,11,5,0,1,5,3,23,2,29,27,4,28,0,4,1,2,18,10,0,0,15,115,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570069310837853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448590796769915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276647650125724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334862291755272,0.0,0.09942869159391372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058860476908018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249465874785184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058370160801612385,0.08247068151277992,0.0,0.1264593717726873,0.10551048115666352,0.0,0.1395910520042664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737730116173552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358139076974695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582273408565508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302218573584812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639837340871597,0.0,0.0,0.10216116674838167,0.096940904716029,0.0,0.12601688945915673,0.0,0.10418951444235176,0.0,0.07705739768802017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697240289862699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818295977131464,0.0,0.11020097317591998,0.0,0.0,0.2412214028328845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869201057105605,0.0,0.12393984237039272,0.0,0.0,0.10981030483420363,0.0,0.0,0.11683189984094093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887169936182253,0.0,0.1292261340408898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679685267613149,0.09278666199108007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793915989193948,0.0,0.0,0.20194276659461186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201775810848035,0.13886064916995589,0.09970348515940812,0.0,0.0,0.06808976916704575,0.0916312569734118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128047560231896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Im_Lost_Tbh,2019/01/09,"I’m not suicidal, I think I’m just tired. This is probably the wrong sub, but I just don’t know where else to write this out. 

I’m not suicidal, I don’t want to die, but I’m just so sad. I don’t know why I’m so sad, I’m not depressed, I think. My life is okay, it’s not perfect, actually very far from it.

I live with 4 other people in a tiny, dirty, roach infested, one bedroom apartment.

But we get by.

I think I’m just mentally tired, I’m the only one with income, and I’m stressed because if I slip up, we’ll lose everything, albeit not much. 

The others can’t work because they’re either too young, or don’t want to.

I cant convince them to work either, because something isn’t right with them..
I’ve tried to convince them for years already, but now I’m just getting used to being the sole “breadwinner”.

I don’t want to keep pushing it either, I’m doing my best, but it’s just not enough. I don’t want to die, or take a break, because if I do, we’ll all be homeless and starving.

I know I’m not the only one going through a hard time, but it’s still hard.

Birthdays are becoming very stressful now, I’m not looking forward to my 21st birthday this weekend.

I want to go into a mental institute and just relax there, because maybe I am crazy.

I don’t want to die because of my family, but if they all died with me, maybe it’ll be better.",1.5292708333333316,2.905136163194445,3.512222222222224,91.255,77.99305555555556,6.3277777777777775,24.5,6.996647511020387,0.8121291666666668,1037,36,236,11,24,352,133,288,0.262,0.653,0.085,-0.9942,1,0,1,0,0,3,46.0,3,0,4,6,16,14,0,2,9,1,22,3,0,1,3,58,55,17,6,9,30,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,11,10,0,1,6,2,0,4,18,7,0,3,0,3,28,7,24,49,8,20,0,4,1,0,8,9,0,5,8,140,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.09219623463838687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425807063069867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455549798272573,0.10434277591618707,0.0,0.0,0.09914811730040464,0.08355751086676785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137317624935407,0.0,0.39221016350603904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892367679834772,0.0,0.0,0.09762032570669987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491012221089783,0.0,0.08906480790503388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872099933807683,0.0,0.10738727501717923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926624082862332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397578192609652,0.0,0.0,0.15576679086268438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673212429952363,0.0,0.0,0.08342520341115359,0.0,0.07933715307697096,0.105695953382622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898303307124135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904218321095068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945170002265035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206082894721724,0.1437085165272646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549867705682805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018625290361614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068311404573582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273325576167865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544970884046494,0.0,0.2164468989753748,0.0,0.0,0.2066857049706632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103518589533978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161175319345735,0.0,0.0,0.05509048436273637,0.2171755595868198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641438978157567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159806933482776,0.0,0.15590736496178767,0.3343510227311696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525108521626774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756122662162173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032961168172959,0.0,0.060840295751029165
suicidewatch,AwmteaZote,2019/01/09,"I don't have an interesting title I tried committing but I Survived again, so how do I really kill myself, foolproof, dead as in dead within at least in 1 minute margin
. It's not the depression for me like you people posted.. it's the cosmological insignificance of all biological life.. No psychiatry or medicine or mumbo jumbo would convince me.. So kindly pm me an effective, dead as in dead, suicide method",3.7931000000000026,6.679369826666669,5.844916666666666,69.85537500000002,77.4,8.55,26.70833333333333,9.188382445141503,2.951833333333333,327,13,53,9,8,113,57,75,0.344,0.423,0.233,-0.9609,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,2,9,4,8,6,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,9,3,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,2,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30922485592415144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39720430701875614,0.3738658428806675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25358763751336977,0.17539986307869934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24890043512687565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438435367108289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299984881923443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927114577983694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437521610279813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550387080759941,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SporkyTheGreat,2019/01/09,What am I doing this for Today has been a day I’ve been looking forward to. It turned out to be the opposite of it. One of my teachers brought me back to reality that I’m a useless stupid person and I shouldn’t even be attending high school. I don’t have suicidal thoughts because I don’t have the guts to do it anyways but I don’t know what to do with my life. I am a waste of space ,1.3203697478991572,2.584186482352944,3.4445378151260506,91.99470588235296,78.29411764705883,6.739495798319329,26.26050420168067,7.447530270364453,1.1270504201680676,301,12,72,4,7,103,54,85,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,0,16,2,1,0,0,7,22,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,4,1,9,0,11,15,0,9,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362707925855497,0.0,0.1873082497037589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816299986304814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294818910784929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246464288184925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886693384101215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170330881842176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580284611164691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821333684578908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26829532324883576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109724982821092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361022693656056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439371585844975,0.0,0.0,0.2912549584500929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334220293438969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1000asses,2019/01/09,Destiny Ps4 Meet ups? Anyone down?. ,1.2650000000000006,0.7960988333333319,1.313333333333336,90.99000000000002,144.0,1.2000000000000002,19.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.3917333333333333,27,1,4,0,2,8,6,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotBrokenEnough,2019/01/09,"Close to the final breaking point. An excerpt from the suicide note I penned, Summer 2018:

>*It pains me that the system is so broken. That people can turn to agency after agency, support option after option and be turned down. What's left for those who are broken, but not broken enough?*   
>  
>*I did what I was supposed to do when I hit a low: I reached out. I “got help”. I spoke with my doctor, mental health professionals, a social worker, hospital staff. I called helplines, went to clinics, went to appointments. I did what I was supposed to do - and hit brick walls. I was broken, but not broken enough.* 

​

Nothing's changed. I live in small city in Ontario, Canada. Ontario's system is almost set up to fail. If you're not actively trying to kill yourself - if you're TRYING to survive - you get bumped around and bumped around. 

I called a crisis line on the weekend and, despite telling them I was ready - that I had a plan in place and had purchased what I need for it - their solution was ""talk to me"". What did an hour on the phone get me? I guess I didn't off myself Sunday - but now it's Wednesday and nothing's changed. Turning up to the hospital nets me a ""Well, you're not in immediate harm, you should talk to your doctor"" - and my doctor (who really needs to retire) says I'll snap out of it soon (Several years and counting. Still waiting...). The wait list for a new doctor is a disaster, too.

​

I'm not sure what else to do. I'm more broken than ever, but ***still***, apparently, not broken enough for help. I'm open to ideas before I make the last jump. I just can't keep at this charade much longer.",1.4443864757744862,4.041427690851736,2.4695899053627777,91.83408315133869,85.97160883280758,4.6392946695785815,20.11558683167516,6.163053881298487,0.15201696999110315,1266,38,248,11,39,400,172,317,0.198,0.742,0.06,-0.9949,1,0,0,0,0,1,85.0,0,3,2,4,12,8,1,0,17,0,22,7,0,1,2,42,44,16,2,5,13,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,16,15,0,3,1,1,1,3,8,5,1,0,15,2,31,3,40,25,5,47,0,2,0,0,18,23,0,6,17,161,47,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937484708298461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287784682689847,0.2275208906680424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668607837374336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796650537875529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119616483089896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807839783723508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833025435511409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820880187252012,0.0,0.0,0.2902083007903913,0.0,0.0,0.08468606284900171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025578450874426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978268042125792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487771569849752,0.0,0.10313470563404382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951534256359798,0.0,0.0,0.12550511922665752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219838003437213,0.0,0.0,0.10568734794766717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321514603949033,0.1035783872678434,0.0,0.0,0.07631406860950417,0.0,0.0,0.10172010114739836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826695545549418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062493119680642674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434851456367076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882262037359714,0.13883840403539896,0.0,0.09042028806261893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796648276320886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961994287822518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490540310150485,0.0,0.0978146060537908,0.0,0.08850263734134843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599763699940953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744516238709696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576571684729218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543539251282797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953260084727293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024067935356957,0.10624063919780738,0.08823721430728843,0.0,0.0,0.15049893057775504,0.08182937180695883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712579036127006,0.3055001263476737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417702781951145,0.17357625202962462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275208906680424,0.06028921648462001
suicidewatch,f0rsi,2019/01/09,If I kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning can I still donate my organs? I want to have some use after I go,2.1360869565217366,3.8675645652173967,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,77.26086956521739,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.7421478260869563,87,2,16,1,2,31,20,23,0.329,0.62,0.05,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138706397334893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.61101051965164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410475706302037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769883250886636,0.0,0.0,0.3257461351399732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,merlotmystery,2019/01/09,"I want to disappear. I want to get in my car and go. I want to slip away from all my thoughts. I want to silence this anxiety. I want peace. I want to sleep and sleep and finally wake up somewhere warm and safe.

I don't want to think about a place to stay. I don't want to worry about food or pets or gas money. I just want to vanish into the sunset and not exist for a while. I don't want to keep being selfish to people I love. I don't want to fight. 

I believe there is a place for all the broken and weary. I believe there is a home for me. I believe I'll be whole and at peace when I finally rest forever here on earth and wake up in heaven's arms. How can I wait? The longer I live, the farther I stray from that place. The people I leave here will wake up there with me, and they'll understand the way no one understands on earth. 

I just want to vanish for a little while. I just want to lay down and die, and be done. ",0.3941063053673801,2.0248206930693087,2.342454403335072,97.20434340802505,82.16831683168317,5.638770192808755,18.05732152162585,6.5966054737557815,-0.2966574257425747,708,15,175,7,19,236,96,202,0.098,0.711,0.19,0.8448,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,12,6,1,0,11,0,13,8,6,1,2,42,35,17,1,13,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,13,1,3,4,0,1,3,6,2,0,1,2,1,27,4,34,28,4,26,1,0,0,1,3,16,0,2,5,118,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234470394003396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885029279429348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31963921245558746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814725434622894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677648962650212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719051120993245,0.0,0.0,0.1143527008701414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049408179251320884,0.0,0.05374550266848066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485999519174992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405689800536892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013447032937506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478256001941096,0.08350578766125527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535183457509428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408211645213982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112389049732576,0.0,0.2964121108649031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927375020271045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079752225604954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059572678621952,0.0,0.07507688815819492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968984513515619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.725126973563437,0.07506413605017721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558244099683048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960389822442563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cupofteaghan,2019/01/09,"I want to die but I’m too scared to do it I’m in a horrible dark place, nothing I am doing is helping. I wanna die, real bad but I’m too much of a pussy to do it. I don’t think I can take it much longer, I’m in desperate need for help. ",-2.913522167487685,-1.4279993965517228,1.2724630541871915,100.69741379310345,94.6896551724138,4.693596059113301,15.182266009852214,6.18269132825596,-0.8032492610837436,177,4,51,2,7,67,35,58,0.35100000000000003,0.539,0.109,-0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,15,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,15,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452922223426954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333140147393003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444349918833957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777522197634625,0.190513362569194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465351765270706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684414249379796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924472297669343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572358336884591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931824501381788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463298206184698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515463756055075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JesseKansas,2019/01/09,"The conclusion to a short and misspent life I’m ready to die. Nobody would miss me if I did. I don’t know why I’m even posting here right now or if I’ll make it to even post this. I’m going to drink a glorious cocktail of bleach and chlorine. I’m fourteen and life still isn’t worth living. My old best friend thinks I’m acting hard and my other friends agree. There’s literally zero point to living. I’m never going to be the actor I want to be. I’m from small-rural-town UK with parents just rich enough to let me not get a scholarship in the future so that leaves me with zero practical experience at all. I hate this town, I hate my “friends” and I hate myself. The only skill I have is flips which my friends feel I “drag in their face”.  No one here will even listen. Goodbye, guys.",1.2817045454545448,3.245934696969698,2.8779356060606105,92.79690340909094,80.81818181818181,5.579545454545455,20.00946969696969,6.6274283507984215,0.1153106060606066,615,16,136,6,16,202,104,165,0.125,0.69,0.185,0.8909999999999999,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,10,10,3,0,7,0,10,4,1,1,2,21,30,9,1,4,5,1,2,0,4,2,2,1,0,1,6,7,2,0,4,3,3,3,5,4,0,3,1,3,17,6,15,24,3,17,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,3,5,82,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692498439085092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530147853554526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371500821962266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466099025592016,0.0,0.27741287711986673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695023972055154,0.0,0.0,0.0707899515033677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326652760695752,0.0,0.07314602476439029,0.0,0.1591343752687746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138625427888833,0.0,0.0,0.12541559269498098,0.4146732688376463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694223531167828,0.0,0.0,0.1482434398002181,0.0,0.14316301426200453,0.19777715579549016,0.0,0.0,0.2472512245865364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345339074618388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797929241843113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469100708019671,0.0,0.09486996177535624,0.10647893334992514,0.0,0.0,0.1554572641423808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323485143931893,0.0,0.2681692112287792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956218226371305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180693688910133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970855836592168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257766281633272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263313384635708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945443475801743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,not-here111111111111,2019/01/09,"I don’t know what I’m doing awake anymore. I don’t feel like going into my history at all... I don’t feel like writing it out. I just feel so empty and cold. I have no family or friends who love or care about me.... what is life without family? I’m so alone all the time. The only things that keep me company are mine and my boyfriends cats, that I know would eat me if died by them. I feel so bad for leeching off of him. I hate myself and I feel so empty. ",-0.08630000000000138,1.6435509699999995,2.3520000000000003,96.01100000000001,84.3,5.6000000000000005,18.0,6.742157984588678,-0.17090000000000005,347,8,85,4,10,119,64,100,0.193,0.6679999999999999,0.14,-0.7041,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,2,0,8,3,0,0,2,22,22,10,1,2,5,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,7,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,6,18,5,9,21,2,6,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,3,3,58,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984071845873533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135714691518654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611073745199045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672805138071287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002543518651537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974386965914609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36379710758295736,0.0,0.4878132005175939,0.27569077449932283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907471229323205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965941812876616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905007609553753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150515052087387,0.0,0.0,0.21208342294503213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628813879505916,0.1885338032903424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414726909264822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674915906011185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818914415059893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251222193100856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599943605839006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706800215188367,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatOneDiviner,2019/01/09,"Lonely I’m never first in anybody’s life. My parents dote on my brother, my friends have other better friends that they’ve knowm longer and all my ex BFs have eventually left me only to immediately start dating someone else. I’m never the first choice.

I haven’t made any new friends at college, contrary to what my parents said would happen, and my roommate hates a very fundamental part of my identity.

I’m worried I’ll never meet someone to fall in love with BECAUSE of that identity amd even if I did I worry that I may not be able to fulfill some of their needs in a relationship. I don’t want to kill myself directly, but it wouldn’t hurt if I just phased out of existence. Parents would probably be better off without paying the 40k+ per year it costs for me to go to college.

I constantly need attention but don’t want to seem clingy or annoying by asking for it. I don’t know what I need but right now I’m not getting it.",5.075730837789664,5.662735748663103,6.010494652406418,79.72593805704102,68.5187165775401,8.80017825311943,32.16087344028521,8.841846274778883,2.586790017825312,743,31,145,12,12,246,114,187,0.098,0.7979999999999999,0.103,-0.2846,3,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,4,3,11,3,0,4,0,13,2,0,1,4,32,33,8,1,10,10,5,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,3,0,2,2,11,5,0,2,3,1,20,6,24,24,3,22,0,2,0,1,14,9,0,6,11,92,30,3,0.12252468545440595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332098765948838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454404128311645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468991101999121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672625484294264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324056572842611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235365267291376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092639918480547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843886971150627,0.0,0.0,0.2839868041393517,0.0,0.06401409113002705,0.0,0.06963360232622323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083481747033435,0.0,0.0,0.12096776052224682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311652098947611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555541091287884,0.0,0.06733636282839511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331234292486033,0.0,0.08654280882187868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058331230570513,0.11593581989991522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725515052793696,0.2834957724891028,0.11833510471150616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318554446185699,0.0,0.0,0.4081474901345447,0.13268229440368706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210233405611088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315456585945448,0.0,0.10463541191455518,0.11654903373778815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154187193232967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762953675577092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672360299572368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109569732299964,0.14453646797229153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181094244744507,0.0,0.0,0.24885953113742865,0.0,0.17407604228369378,0.0,0.0,0.07890188030302912
suicidewatch,thecryingwillow,2019/01/09,"I don’t know what to say here really Sorry if this isn’t very coherent I’m not in a good place right now, I am also leaving out a lot of information)

I’m 18, have had suicidal thoughts now on and off for the past two years. I’m 147 days until I start my Leaving Cert (SAT’s I think) and everything is going terrible. Today was pretty bad. I found out I failed everyone of my Christmas exams and I was thinking of killing myself tonight. Decided to tell my favorite teacher who I normally tell if I have any problems and broke down crying today. Told him my problems and he rang my foster parents. They came to school and he and my mother spoke for five minutes and then she got in the car. She began to start throwing shade by saying “take the poor child who gets no sweets for Christmas to the hospital”. The sweets thing is because I was explaining to my teacher my relationship with my foster mother who every time I ask for anything, I’m told no and so I just do whatever I want without asking now because if I ask I’ll be told no. That was just a way of saying it and my foster mother took it the wrong way and kept referring me to as the child and how I’m hard done by and I’ve a terrible life with where I’m the least loved. Again, the connect behind it was I was very sick over Christmas and begged to go doctors and they refused to take me because i “only had a mild flu and temp” when my temp was 39 and I was getting sweats in the bed while wearing only my boxers.

Anyway I kept quiet in the back seat and decided I shouldn’t have told my teacher but what’s done is done and I’m going to the hospital now even though I don’t want to. As we pull up to the hospital my mother says “you’ve no loyalty, ungrateful child” and I kept quiet, we got out of the car and she started shouting in at me saying what would my foster sister think (her best friend killed themselves in November) and that I was making this all up for attention and sympathy. The nurse saw me and I asked to speak to her without my mother present.

Told the nurse the story of the pressure I was feeling and how my home life was (it’s not bad but I am aware how I’m not part of the family, my foster brother who comes by a lot, is also my foster mothers grandson and we’re the same age, and he even agrees with me that my foster mother is unfair in her treatment of me and how I must always be lying about something).

The nurse got the doctor, the doctor took me in a room with my mother and asked me questions, he left the room and phoned the mental health doctor in a different county (as our county doesn’t have one) and that doctor asked for me to come down tonight for an immediate assessment. 

My foster mother has been threatening to call my biological mother and tell her, if my mother heard that it would probably break her heart and I keep telling her not to. 

I don’t know what to do, I might go and kill myself tomorrow night, I brought my school tie to hang myself with if I get the chance, I don’t even know why I’m typing this out really, just looking for a place to vent",5.3077142857142885,4.9639252476190485,6.14420634920635,82.18107142857146,67.95238095238095,9.031746031746033,29.24603174603175,8.515128840125781,1.9568888888888891,2406,74,501,32,36,796,260,630,0.13,0.816,0.054000000000000006,-0.992,3,0,1,0,0,3,42.0,3,0,2,2,25,19,3,1,36,0,44,14,3,5,2,104,109,56,4,14,16,15,2,0,1,5,10,12,4,3,22,48,0,5,16,0,1,15,17,13,0,3,39,18,84,6,73,63,7,72,0,2,2,1,73,28,0,9,26,344,106,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875550584725716,0.05137709711617771,0.0,0.0,0.04198897135621042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081118138865412,0.0,0.3463415355648625,0.0,0.0,0.04747838094903849,0.10310961562423762,0.11291821985714948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479796015873494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304892994587498,0.07062025819126606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063763440165557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782439351035588,0.03982065787541393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451077353171003,0.0,0.3159950310431907,0.0,0.1895608640465152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234671069498862,0.0,0.0520231402758795,0.05900035047127775,0.05549276038620874,0.0,0.05820804298976045,0.0,0.03122031611010085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770061509706199,0.047704322442266314,0.0,0.09677822770790667,0.0,0.1403652748550959,0.05178908984819649,0.1481502473365124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055311726677573565,0.0,0.0,0.0656324447447081,0.0,0.07316856495458952,0.0,0.0,0.06193564408530379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488212504387724,0.20493632249996616,0.0,0.10180092757377077,0.0,0.0,0.13075887053239008,0.06708652903160307,0.0,0.08722516673850411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185056281616392,0.0,0.0,0.10498741712134338,0.05572761033336551,0.0,0.04121551630838217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062224813876192366,0.06550208380096333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794385033468157,0.06049735629939072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04184026310342792,0.09392027788274088,0.0,0.0,0.06856093026007627,0.06686422251690942,0.05894294569251773,0.0,0.0,0.1290215470634201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628172427675202,0.06657195595711257,0.11816396719382527,0.0,0.0,0.06916894947373592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791113347594612,0.0,0.0,0.06629142363666136,0.0,0.05273021164464332,0.0,0.24551199664224585,0.0,0.12497922893085675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047534605168353485,0.0,0.06911889052619156,0.13111107961092902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753941698908295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284967321302373,0.0,0.2158727120969164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041020882563433635,0.11869182661464038,0.06066451601901459,0.049018929577202115,0.03600422386283105,0.0,0.1170547888654742,0.2950017523563888,0.13720276385219074,0.0,0.0,0.06031625800916737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189279936237412,0.0728380421799436,0.09802120703415214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571559575453572,0.0,0.0,0.11904067343569125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772428362375671,0.06750887303083318,0.0,0.03976199616757371
suicidewatch,everseenthesnow,2019/01/09,"Lowest I've been I don't want to retype my whole sob story so [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/aeaebc/shes_the_only_thing_tethering_me_to_this_world/)  


I don' know what to do anymore, where go to or how to move on if I can.  
Really the only thing that Is keeping me alive is my love for the girl I love. Nothing else seems to matter.",5.659071038251362,8.760406737704923,4.430737704918034,81.4043579234973,71.78688524590164,6.689617486338799,21.642076502732237,7.793537801064563,1.0625715846994537,285,7,47,4,6,83,48,61,0.096,0.706,0.199,0.8062,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,8,13,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,7,12,1,4,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,3,0,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832544321295184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385956090544605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232221639197086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538687203546632,0.0,0.0,0.15696714363379746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155593779375032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035647222979671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740563590554436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172239207427139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829729926171509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26001417803638033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975065116141324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846378075354962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188801850155717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway678798392,2019/01/09,"Im out of reasons I don't really know why I'm still trying anymore. I can't think of anything that's gonna get better in the next few years. I know I'm young (19/m) but If anything, everything's just been getting worse as time goes on. I don't know what's keeping me on this earth anymore. I guess I just need one last push to finally build the courage to finally end my pointless existence. It's not like I had much of a future anyways.",1.6122368421052649,3.0607786842105287,3.573881578947372,90.59029605263159,77.94736842105263,6.855263157894738,26.61184210526316,7.6454224807358475,1.3554473684210526,345,14,78,5,8,117,67,95,0.081,0.845,0.07400000000000001,-0.1444,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,17,3,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,9,3,10,14,2,15,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,11,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623364600951695,0.0,0.0,0.3006580875294533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615645067288864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617991481558762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641798788521502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002312767340965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088421132207994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124123550136247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732439488141415,0.0,0.0,0.1623732641545014,0.0,0.0,0.301186386111943,0.1489075608321994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924760845590372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428989852909598,0.13545397638628784,0.0,0.0,0.194280920166252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378784691291145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702868325746672,0.18782417729537787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458874835451324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705316500573655,0.0,0.0,0.10652144659638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402687804804514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648391555491694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861652501495561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176391238835238
suicidewatch,V0idster,2019/01/09,"I really want to go Im 17 bout to be 18 in a few months and I just don't wanna live anymore. Not because of anything else, just cause I don't wanna deal with the world. My parents are pushing me into the military which I don't want to do. I really don't see the point of going past 18 and don't really want anyone to convince me why, I just wanted to say it. So I plan on enjoying my three months the only way I know how which is sit in my room doing nothing all day. A kid at my school blew his brains out in the bathroom and I'm starting to think he had the right idea, except I don't own a gun so that sucks. I was thinking about jumping in the river behind my house and just hoping all the snakes in it will get me. I don't really care about my parents as today they just reinforced why I am gonna go it. I wish euthanasia was an option but its illegal in US so thats off my list. Like why can't I choose when I go? Like damn I didn't choose to be born, I didn't want to be born in this shithole I should at least be able to choose when I leave. People say being born is like winning the lottery, except out of the millions of sperm my dad produced I was the unlucky bastard to win. Don't feel like much of a winner. I crossed bleeding my self out as I hate knives and I think that would be painful. Currently looking at the methods on lostallhope and I see some pretty interesting ones. Might CO poisoning. Seems nice. Ciao",1.3615369767161312,2.9522165374592824,3.219688744118709,92.23088189166369,79.06514657980456,6.111666063457594,22.119556038122813,6.937597516519254,0.4818262516588248,1115,33,253,12,27,374,163,307,0.1,0.731,0.16899999999999998,0.9518,3,0,1,1,0,1,22.0,1,0,1,4,14,18,5,0,17,0,31,4,1,3,2,49,58,15,0,11,9,3,1,4,0,5,3,2,1,2,10,11,0,0,10,0,0,7,12,6,0,3,6,6,39,12,42,41,7,42,0,0,3,0,12,21,3,5,16,168,49,2,0.10937339233344487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846901568754687,0.07647641897758346,0.0,0.09000498267343669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667300479934288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209687779671086,0.0,0.0,0.11151346283843223,0.11235660221396344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053678982008049,0.11275916492624052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136743480742544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553024734665252,0.07813637333685014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057143083273931174,0.0,0.24863767749564855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798358128592228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086324572046289,0.0,0.12620221000004506,0.0,0.1234692469693886,0.11814203228847606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010875606514291,0.0,0.0,0.1158106302099666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137372593227147,0.0,0.09657870924386984,0.0,0.09184610316734043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602788513191585,0.0,0.0,0.17460159655505275,0.0,0.08040202802889715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049467197606439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411424125078409,0.08318339342340139,0.1163810008403136,0.0,0.24289241743592996,0.0,0.10440927883957828,0.0758257388496076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339320835973707,0.0,0.0,0.11127206044743138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802695831783084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934042794466992,0.0,0.1739562230201591,0.0,0.11069171220818168,0.17431286613782745,0.09956942860303304,0.11410030165431408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741505003537319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102461605097552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367318723701552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156272418653026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225563028257372,0.08681550792192573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29607742391403696,0.0,0.12577400344195647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769571983774935,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoFairWeatherFans,2019/01/09,2019 Man 2019 was going to be my year but. I was going to be sober work a job that I loved but I fucked that all up last night. I'm sick of this endless cycle of me working hard to achieve my goals than in one night I drink it all away I can't continue down this path. I'm starting to think that just ending it would be better than a life of spinning my wheels and a lot less painful for my family than watching me turn my life into one continuous train wreck. ,1.932348484848486,3.2489734848484884,3.1817045454545467,94.29255681818184,76.77777777777777,6.162121212121212,21.465909090909093,6.6274283507984215,0.1519787878787877,361,9,85,3,8,117,64,99,0.177,0.7390000000000001,0.084,-0.8809999999999999,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,5,1,4,1,0,3,0,7,7,0,0,2,10,16,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,2,12,2,16,10,4,15,0,0,1,2,2,5,1,1,8,55,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156365158649516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180326286955672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997369606942484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805881762663364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922116389218884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884952678992777,0.0,0.0,0.23175353560989334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182647570511281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233177763535484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619954523523744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880305090654252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334205441865844,0.18402088036632386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826784707478649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27632557739306296,0.0,0.216955923126596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431611279371387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306460376059823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177641682339186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968722376770859,0.0,0.0,0.14483933372864835,0.0,0.0,0.13130004132795942
suicidewatch,iuhoosier2018,2019/01/09,Getting some sleeping pills and sleeping to death? Has anyone just wanted to pass away in their sleep? I want to stop eating and drinking and just sleep until eventually I don't wake up.,4.589047619047619,6.8625048571428575,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,71.85714285714286,5.80952380952381,25.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,1.0522380952380952,150,5,26,1,3,46,27,35,0.17600000000000002,0.789,0.035,-0.7319,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,9,5,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498776677345929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013877574502048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998022464596894,0.0,0.21933233890498546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198840325892899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8580144172572101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792051981914068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285695657263985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,max1806,2019/01/09,Fuck it It's useless. I try to get on track train 6 times a week. But it's useless. Life is shit anyway. Useless post anyway.,-2.4333333333333336,-1.4696182222222234,0.15018518518518675,102.00083333333336,120.11111111111113,1.8,15.611111111111107,3.1291,-1.3459333333333332,96,3,22,0,6,32,21,27,0.477,0.523,0.0,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117228198829875,0.2326792098420561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31456687142967715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265262560314606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571497289416723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596896396366516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023662961281083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35723630914188675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,virajb2000,2019/01/09,"At what point is it acceptable for me to take my own life? \[18M\] Nobody loves me. I know my family does, but I just don't seem to care. I feel like its impossible for me to be loved as a friend or any more than that. I'm comfortable with how I look except for how tall I am. 5'7 isn't tall enough for me. But as far as friends go I guess height doesn't really matter. I feel like all my friends lives are better than mine, I know they are, at least at this point in time they are. I just watch everybody be happy around me, wanted by everyone, to mean something to someone. I don't mean anything to anyone. I only ever get attention when someone talks about how fast or strong I am, which I'm not that fast or strong. I might be faster than them, but not faster than most people on this planet. I don't talk much, which makes me even more sad. Going for my first year of college far away from home made me feel slightly better, but now im back home for vacation and it feels like senior year all over again. One of my friends blocked me over this vacation because I asked her if she had a gun, and apparently I can't say shit like that. I have one person who's not really my friend (we used to be friends), she told me to stop ranting to everyone else, and to just talk to her or the hotline which I hate. And I talk to her everyday about how afraid and lonely I am. Apparently ""Everyone cares if you get better we don't know how to be with you in your current state"". I can't really blame them because I've ranted to them so much, I haven't treated them well, not what they deserve. I'm afraid I'm going to drive her away as well. I don't know how I'm going to get better if I'm alone. I feel like I'm never going to get a girlfriend, I'm never going to get married, or have kids. I know I can get a good job, I know I'm probably going to be fine money-wise in the future, but that doesn't mean shit to me. I could be homeless, and have a girlfriend, and I would probably be happier with my life. I know this seems like a pathetic reason to kill myself, but its so much worse in my head. I have suicidal thoughts all the time, and I feel like it's impossible for me to come back. I am going to therapy, but I'm terrified that things are going to remain the same after I'm better. I just want to mean something to someone.

​

Sorry if this is insensitive or I said anything harmful to anyone, I kinda just wrote what I was thinking without processing any of it, I wouldn't even call this a draft. Thank You for taking the time to read this.",3.0672867683226777,3.8915845850467328,4.391630595179539,88.6529058042302,73.24299065420561,7.650270536153468,23.985489424495817,7.94452939551167,1.020514018691589,1983,53,445,27,38,657,213,535,0.109,0.6890000000000001,0.202,0.9955,4,3,2,1,0,1,68.0,2,4,7,8,26,42,4,2,12,0,40,7,3,10,6,96,107,38,2,9,28,0,6,7,8,3,2,2,2,2,26,15,0,2,24,1,0,11,19,9,2,3,7,10,78,33,70,88,13,56,0,2,2,2,42,20,2,16,31,296,104,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145077207341172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428694381807028,0.07209571150611446,0.08069652634397982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297359150252039,0.0,0.0976514952632153,0.05281867253259194,0.055468054955877116,0.0,0.1114900289873218,0.09124635101252404,0.0,0.07233731310154322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26237470931151996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060585309332476876,0.0,0.120987261645968,0.0,0.0,0.05110985795820522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737232427729495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192243604081902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495648483133515,0.0,0.0,0.0613065284365191,0.0,0.07837736310122109,0.05366981412408725,0.0,0.1700847811578495,0.0,0.0,0.05593357878080017,0.0,0.18000234204881285,0.2119364246330814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050468355012557566,0.0,0.0,0.275041730364848,0.0,0.18599328703487453,0.0,0.30348121068593403,0.04976544457128738,0.0,0.0,0.06536164623677312,0.0,0.0,0.06316075080155206,0.0,0.05857874677175709,0.06089245646670995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190310496573249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408948573582475,0.0,0.058878538717551665,0.0,0.06564282958637284,0.0,0.2282538596018075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381686593199494,0.20290868408693152,0.0,0.052391851473788505,0.0,0.04982451549894769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071001367764713,0.05614202500214252,0.03960503067989738,0.0,0.0,0.2585227694828694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294260683583297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084906011876735,0.0,0.09152205510959922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041073131136453,0.04512518367086362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041133815918657786,0.051807015527147136,0.0,0.0,0.11217713838157643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279413480289707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934874533798761,0.0,0.11403011975512532,0.06100388620904847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643897435435517,0.04718373578797798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802850349817056,0.0,0.0,0.12180830539276255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508171847206769,0.09135440555752902,0.0,0.06641808777471404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960478480420751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490033175712047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922159627228493,0.19075747196759044,0.0,0.05462556849718935,0.06785210084631305,0.0,0.03941800219813935,0.03801799140687438,0.0,0.04710352759564943,0.1037921044121422,0.0,0.0,0.0566949270526165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051244393232928384,0.0,0.0,0.06999191454053534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669442608630036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719459497123136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604650790954485,0.04214823997709228,0.0,0.07209571150611446,0.07641661292450923
suicidewatch,WhoAmI98765Who,2019/01/09,"Suicide is my destiny Life is spiraling out of control. I am not going to last at this job or in this world. I am having a meltdown everyday and can not wait to just get home and crawl into bed. I am a CPA and have burned all my career bridges. I have 0 references and am a terrible employee because I don’t care and just want to be dead. I am self-destructing and may become homeless someday. 

Life is too complicated, everything is over my head these days. I have no self-esteem. I am angry at myself for not being able to function or care anymore. I am completely alone, there is no one that can help me anymore. I can only rely on myself now and I am telling myself constantly that suicide is my destiny. 
I got fired from a CPA job in spring of 2017. I tried 2 other temp accounting jobs but they didn’t work out because I am a bad employee and hate my job/life. I started going back to school to be a music teacher in fall of 2017 to spring of 2018. My fiancée dumped me in June of 2018 and then I had a meltdown. I now realize how I have no network of friends. I decided that there is no point to get a music education degree because I won’t be able to get a job. Strangers tell me to follow my dreams. People tell me to grow up and give accounting a chance again. Find an accounting job for a company you like, they say. Strangers tell me I can control my life. Ive been through it all and death is the best option. 

I am going insane and am too tired to care about life anymore. The one thing I have always relied on is suicide. There has got to be a sure way out without risking survival. I can’t get in with a therapist because none of them are accepting new patients. Throw more money at a broken healthcare system, they say. I saw a general doctor because I can’t get in with anyone else. They reminded me that I can call a therapist. Gee thanks. Too bad I can’t get in with one. I am obsessing every moment about quitting my job that I’ve had for 3 months and maybe continuing with going back to school and then going homeless because I won’t be able to get a music teaching job. Either that or I will kill myself because that is my dream to follow. That’s what my heart tells me.",2.6278793715764763,4.219719619153678,4.254061277312946,86.17708059953051,75.52561247216036,7.0812255462589535,26.611749834466988,7.824948511530503,1.5454422560645282,1715,65,352,25,37,575,202,449,0.162,0.74,0.098,-0.9867,11,1,0,0,0,7,41.0,0,1,5,6,16,17,3,2,20,0,54,8,2,3,3,49,80,21,6,1,11,0,1,1,1,4,6,2,2,0,15,22,0,3,5,2,4,10,16,8,0,3,7,4,60,9,53,63,6,51,0,0,1,0,17,20,0,5,20,251,75,13,0.19547812942621845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748546298875728,0.0,0.0,0.05421782103635607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386177785052688,0.04556095106256914,0.06676348137791717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020707692262144,0.108810715295981,0.27804385778358515,0.07196341200487193,0.0,0.0,0.06838074559687371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653500863642248,0.0,0.1993029808844212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683183665254475,0.07041413767733552,0.14616356266281882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202240732591584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669338286176843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443229797663212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054899584981393065,0.0,0.05856104607524569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059554489636885526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050341972630076864,0.0,0.2383015939801932,0.06250681130192746,0.1851578762469672,0.0,0.10422781157940857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433139428208516,0.06687231874433497,0.0,0.0,0.07721417485352207,0.04367495655075703,0.0,0.0653601673756509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172850151608961,0.0,0.07208919590524059,0.0,0.0,0.05311358853358464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409597838510064,0.03183358001864682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546135168500558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200959264595632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293133183372203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246103951295846,0.049556642003503265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517330731741962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159667214100047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930501750778137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363470295822773,0.0,0.13188953537239256,0.0,0.0,0.13595088079164258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046120142042762664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382134620802928,0.0,0.06141194119852465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847608352763962,0.059989999420233926,0.0,0.15131011649289924,0.04328899440442125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489111792697854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044238939452995764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843268846642593,0.051720480126852375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628113137045196,0.0,0.04743680211852402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TimyJ,2019/01/09,"Just want to be done with this whole life business. I don't necessarily want to die, but I'm not prempting it either. The whole issue really pivots on me feeling fundamentally incapable of some sort of 'normal' existence. Either I am right in what I think and feel. In which case the world is completely absurd and anything I do is simply feeding into a host of systems and ideologies that I completely opose by nature of existing inside them. Or I am wrong in what I think and feel in which case I am baseline incompatible with life in its current form, and the only thing that remains is another 40 odd years of misery and then dying anyway. 

I've probably been on the phone for all of five or six hours with all of my friend (haha I'm so fucking clever -_- ) Just trying to check my perspective because I know that depression can warp the hell out of how you see the world and I try my best to, though I am probably only marginally successful, remain rational. 

However, I tend to believe it's not a strict matter of current perception as this is a line of thinking that is present even on my better days. Where I am at mentally is just an exaggeration of a state that is ever present. 

Leaving anything open from there as it's the core conflict. 

TLDR: I'm worn out because I feel like I cannot belong, and that I'm not sure I would want to if I could. ",6.36520050125313,6.1606678759398505,7.2072030075188,74.97551629072682,65.72932330827068,10.25122807017544,33.1468671679198,9.888512548439397,3.1212539348370933,1069,41,203,21,15,358,151,266,0.135,0.752,0.113,-0.8145,3,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,1,3,11,12,2,0,12,1,21,4,0,1,4,51,40,18,2,7,12,0,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,17,15,1,1,9,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,3,5,24,8,37,34,9,28,1,1,1,1,4,17,2,5,10,149,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333871900276638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936035257015054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508790043711004,0.0,0.0,0.14331825442659835,0.13349545723895095,0.11250388229875408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26674735695042845,0.0,0.0,0.10156410289498123,0.0,0.0,0.08203772028644056,0.0,0.10956284058808784,0.0,0.2640406925346061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017649608367038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401874609375061,0.1150656339373638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572778750474708,0.09087640586360454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827948782807826,0.11760043303517607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527285706467428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277061976666216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990940939353986,0.0,0.0,0.13469340058706405,0.0,0.0,0.17969953819496395,0.06214670932655464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819431290216549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124635439466781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349267182565288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743004155691172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149179218471382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863372390989387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136717442783197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198906958189621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451039910417134,0.24452651944031575,0.1249798185668091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272983494096145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250892093219112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840432065674841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036390439317073,0.1390804255390206,0.0,0.08191686661309397
suicidewatch,Dfens-93,2019/01/09,"Painless assisted suicide I previously posted this in r/Ontario, but the mods deleted it:

Hi, I'm looking for a source of Pentobarbital in Ontario, Canada to eliminate some personal issues I've been struggling with for 15+ years.

Not interested in ""help"" (ie. therapy, medications, hotlines) or sympathy. Please do not reply with any of those.

Thanks in advance.",5.691344086021509,8.743603403225805,7.091612903225808,62.624086021505384,71.41935483870971,9.93978494623656,39.36559139784946,10.125756701596842,5.317410752688172,289,18,40,9,6,98,52,62,0.133,0.7,0.166,0.3211,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,5,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,11,4,1,7,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,1,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008351552983262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979540927029481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30824875473499497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24800359473320835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975148350216272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25787157094187885,0.0,0.3241846677740942,0.0,0.0,0.28284538769060497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874400444412564,0.0,0.32304409614346624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190103538355903,0.33773664934968023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018343191931994
suicidewatch,ggwp4,2019/01/09,"I No Called No Showed Unintentionally due to being on “suicide watch”, but how do I explain that? I have been on suicide watch in a hospital once and it made it worse, and so this time (three days ago) I ended up rushing to my dad’s house since he’s my go to “I’m feeling shitty person” and he remains pretty calm through my ordeals, which are usually pretty bad. So I’ve been here since Sunday night and it’s now Wednesday, the day that I work (I don’t work Monday/Tuesday). I have been absolutely miserable and I really don’t have it in me to talk to anyone, especially not the people I work for. They are the owners of a small store and they know me personally enough to pick me up from my house the last time I was feeling suicidal, but since then I have been feeling pretty uncomfortable around them.  But in my miserable judgement I didn’t call out and just turned my phone off. I feel really bad because even though I feel like there’s a lot of animosity between us, I feel like I worried them. But I don’t wanna be like “hey I’m suicidal again and I’m a piece of shit”. Like the call after no shows never go well anyway. But I don’t know. I don’t really care to work there but I have stuff that I need to get from the store if I get tired and or just leave. I’m feeling shitty and embarrassed enough as it is. And this isn’t the first time I’ve been extremely suicidal and inconvenienced them. ",1.5251005747126418,3.6776855138888926,3.401853448275862,88.36125,81.0138888888889,6.6113026819923375,21.38936781609195,7.753152298057669,0.8685939655172419,1100,33,236,19,29,369,138,288,0.27,0.611,0.119,-0.9957,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,1,0,5,5,15,13,1,3,11,0,24,2,1,3,1,42,46,26,5,3,11,1,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,14,0,0,10,2,2,3,12,6,1,2,8,9,37,7,29,36,4,33,0,2,2,0,19,11,1,3,23,159,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670117912433737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050185934380519,0.0,0.0,0.07702759006632405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449326535996698,0.05274620350072979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650619646919659,0.0,0.08822028978068479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160582551620173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663745361241908,0.1788115419933632,0.0,0.05715042716867792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062554132420709,0.1236301576999006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360002769532357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041382514848433,0.0,0.09835085110236068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996816393962739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510621845016956,0.07053125072588153,0.0,0.09161985554703646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690913587868666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356236675760558,0.0,0.08187416835759953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415885343179313,0.06673514313200195,0.0,0.0,0.08119995493824016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921486886017484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059987094686844135,0.15110450010353366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264087936128097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662947003125034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888189703052245,0.21472868576065848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990529904303308,0.4732337930938331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954731938662945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501257577192385,0.0,0.15136419162837422,0.09945033580830788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411679218446996,0.0,0.0,0.10408161809922664,0.0,0.09529753239545556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779838190619097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519714503372373,0.08787261420727663,0.08817865165047746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aoleaoleaole,2019/01/09,"What are some mental health healing steps to take after almost committing suicide? Yesterday was the closest I've ever came.  In a fit of laughter and tears and hyperventilation....I was so close.  I'm a wreck mentally and physically right now.  The emotional pain comes and goes in intensity and to cope I just cut my arm with a razor until I emotionally go numb.  Then the pain comes back  Then I cut.  Then I go numb, and the cycle continues. That's been the last \~24 hours since the attempt. I don't want to talk to any friends or family about this because I'd feel selfish and guilty making them worry and stress over me, I think that'd make me feel infinitely worse. 

​

It only makes sense that after intense mental trauma your body goes out of whack...which is most definitely is what's going on right now.  I've been trembling and I can't think too clearly sometimes.  Like I'm not even present and someone else takes the driver's seat to act normal in the few moments when I need to.  I also can barely hold down food or liquid.  I don't know what to do to cope.  What makes it worse is I have to go into work tonight and act like I didn't just almost fucking off myself yesterday and got a slashed up arm, ha ha.  I'm scared to even leave my room because if the emotional pain comes back, I won't have the razor on hand to numb myself.  It took me hours to build the courage to leave the house on a five minute trip to the store.  I haven't talked to anyone about this. 

​

 I'm sorry, I feel bad even telling random strangers on the internet this.  I'm at a loss.  ",3.423123028391167,4.9771529274447985,4.2075659305993725,87.4808883280757,73.35331230283911,6.964744479495268,24.66738170347003,7.554174236665415,1.0540865362776026,1246,38,258,15,25,399,171,317,0.211,0.69,0.099,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,1,1,3,16,22,3,3,20,2,19,14,4,4,3,48,49,22,1,4,6,0,4,2,1,1,8,0,1,0,13,20,1,1,6,0,1,13,7,16,0,2,8,4,24,6,37,39,3,55,0,1,0,1,6,20,1,8,24,150,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752958386517051,0.0,0.0,0.06999712479509856,0.0,0.18967585278228968,0.2127152847795569,0.059522904425892524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120250004101966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346092100018899,0.07308328351421088,0.10671405992905517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722528579674487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011016567160697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261961446146547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311947273823584,0.2953759395192728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734367699970582,0.07917523495487576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251480490686762,0.0,0.13277228509858424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105840739511376,0.0,0.0676248961029382,0.08091939876178568,0.0,0.0,0.1989796027398576,0.0,0.070005152369447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303951989286156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239739707101967,0.1009970245203104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810379715374579,0.07134803661014956,0.0,0.18536171528255205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552475911757985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337058669311549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646267481418357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649018438834665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576009939560464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656995329370935,0.279411940461975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949903494680222,0.0,0.0,0.08763206787249958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240511581853505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416326557969405,0.0,0.08656868515768854,0.09798185051765314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026448190789901,0.0,0.0,0.09574281370975007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162223427073155,0.1407054217433342,0.07650443911388217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217044259524606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724823847743946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051627030660810175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372235029988192,0.08889022144037646,0.17839960588940085,0.0,0.0,0.2127152847795569,0.0
suicidewatch,DoesntgetthejokesJr,2019/01/09,"I feel helpless I am a serial procrastinator, and I look at the world with rose tinted glasses. I know all of this, yet my pathetic self cannot do anything about it. Even now, as I right this post, fully knowing how I really feel, deep down, I'm still deluded that everything is gonna turn out alright, because I'm the ""protagonist"" of my life. 

But it isn't going to turn out alright. It's far too late for that. I've procrastinated too much, overestimated myself too much, and now everything has snowballed to a point where all I can do is accept the inevitable, and there's nothing else I can do

So I'm probably gonna make the one choice I have left, because i can't deal with my own flimsy bullshit anymore",7.320674044265593,5.970220302816903,8.110160965794769,73.04781690140847,64.28169014084507,11.21287726358149,35.77867203219316,10.290406445055957,3.445996780684105,561,22,112,11,7,190,91,142,0.081,0.8690000000000001,0.051,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,6,2,13,1,0,2,2,17,27,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,14,3,13,25,5,18,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,5,75,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307603629925984,0.0,0.0,0.1519120955471907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250638925679234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031703053870969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421166777762965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192818389596795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318175758790557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668110106135688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491383226358307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029053686443448,0.0,0.2082396157564184,0.0,0.200571113082876,0.0,0.13039017694103505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501957320094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232235756058179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714080976700966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771310392613227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509140454086767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450899362164438,0.0,0.17679812798205716,0.0,0.19903267465413546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826106298257227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764949230984254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192580626227808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742376312944724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015889334054165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tearekts,2019/01/09,"I feel helpless I am a serial procrastinator, and I look at the world with rose tinted glasses. I know all of this, yet my pathetic self cannot do anything about it. Even now, as I right this post, fully knowing how I really feel, deep down, I'm still deluded that everything is gonna turn out alright, because I'm the ""protagonist"" of my life. 

But it isn't going to turn out alright. It's far too late for that. I've procrastinated too much, overestimated myself too much, and now everything has snowballed to a point where all I can do is accept the inevitable, and there's nothing else I can do

So I'm probably gonna make the one choice I have left, because i can't deal with my own flimsy bullshit anymore",7.320674044265593,5.970220302816903,8.110160965794769,73.04781690140847,64.28169014084507,11.21287726358149,35.77867203219316,10.290406445055957,3.445996780684105,561,22,112,11,7,190,91,142,0.081,0.8690000000000001,0.051,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,6,2,13,1,0,2,2,17,27,7,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,14,3,13,25,5,18,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,5,75,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307603629925984,0.0,0.0,0.1519120955471907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250638925679234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031703053870969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421166777762965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192818389596795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318175758790557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668110106135688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491383226358307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029053686443448,0.0,0.2082396157564184,0.0,0.200571113082876,0.0,0.13039017694103505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501957320094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232235756058179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714080976700966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771310392613227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509140454086767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450899362164438,0.0,0.17679812798205716,0.0,0.19903267465413546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826106298257227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764949230984254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192580626227808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742376312944724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015889334054165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohshitidroppedit,2019/01/09,I can't breathe and I can't stop shaking I want to die so bad so bad so bad I don't know what to do I'm under so much pressure I don't want to hurt my mom but I don't know what to do,-4.910357142857143,-3.831806040816325,-0.6788010204081623,110.83853316326531,109.40816326530613,2.45,12.247448979591837,3.1291,-2.126614285714286,140,3,46,0,8,52,23,49,0.317,0.584,0.099,-0.8425,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,7,1,1,0,0,7,12,6,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,12,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6765416670831788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28031080401138353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891369576672617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968688283151016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163261727095322,0.0,0.0,0.19854724517363795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258073545511223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186121888190502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ninja_Vanish_Account,2019/01/09,"My job is really just mindless busy work, and it allows my thoughts to run unchecked for 9 hours at a time. I can start the day happyish, but by the end, I've usually find my way back to suicidal thoughts. Being alone with my thoughts is kinda dangerous, what do you guys do about this stuff?",6.833045977011495,5.884093224137932,6.598275862068967,82.19097701149427,65.03448275862068,11.1816091954023,34.85057471264368,10.504223727775694,3.275636781609196,229,9,49,5,3,72,48,58,0.225,0.775,0.0,-0.9387,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,10,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,7,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,30,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411968525441288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907287351951806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019045486917365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626546983236985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285110628464907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305910690749513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293431280100329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311007289559451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919099767268015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648359899591369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266595648033151,0.254736518691524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5546499523011794,0.13579611808746248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564880403363086,0.0,0.0,0.18485191426702066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954180736157606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PreviousBiscotti,2019/01/09,"Reach out or just do it? I went through a breakup a few months ago, and I'm not over it at all. I'm close to killing myself; I have a plan. I've reached out to friends, counselors, and hotlines, and I'm still feeling this way. The last option I know of is to reach out to my ex and tell her what I'm experiencing, but I don't want to burden her with it and feel like it would be better to just...go.",3.558089887640449,2.6209746966292147,4.610426966292135,93.71182022471909,71.69662921348315,7.569438202247191,27.9123595505618,5.6839178017228535,0.6540813483146071,304,9,81,1,5,100,58,89,0.047,0.757,0.196,0.8682,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,21,15,7,1,2,4,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,8,3,14,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,5,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26935129052289003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687372166304003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30727890730579216,0.21707581880870014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347595075932019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268918790350024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361732417174513,0.0,0.16699210474182116,0.2476843722886357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484493987754748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425361129451053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426609474005382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26558479923917744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922299322991994,0.24118789576016084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816788949371869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158516102225677,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,7515,2019/01/09,"There is no reason I shouldn’t just fucking end it I have bipolar and BPD. My entire life, all I’ve known is the crushing feeling of bitter, utter pain.

I’m 17 right now, I never had any friends growing up. My parents moved around the entire time and I felt like I’ve been cursed ever since. I’ve literally felt lonely my entire life. It’s just nothing but fucking pain

I graduated HS last year and the entire experience was agonizing. I was at like 3 different schools and I constantly have painful flashbacks of trivial things people probably never thought of again, yet they continue to linger and obliterate my mind. 

That’s what BPD does to you, it fucking destroys your emotional state and I can’t wait to be done with it

Not to mention the agonizing mood swings, the exhilarating highs and the anguishing lows, nothing but pain

I’m moving to another university in a like 2 days (of course I can’t be fucking normal and move in the fall like everyone else ffs) and I feel like it’s going to be nothing but the same

Why should I go on? I have nothing to live for. I hate everyone and I would just like to disappear ",3.858949771689496,5.7431955570776285,5.049977168949773,80.5269292237443,72.88127853881278,8.154337899543378,29.97488584474885,8.841846274778883,2.53597899543379,893,39,169,18,18,295,126,219,0.239,0.655,0.106,-0.9881,2,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,0,9,22,7,1,9,0,18,11,0,1,4,37,33,13,0,4,7,1,4,6,1,3,7,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,7,0,0,8,7,14,0,0,8,5,21,7,20,19,2,31,0,2,0,4,6,9,4,0,19,103,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639272602093217,0.0985734206225704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368521362391597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367943715920848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015870207994748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060626051924738286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821619517374262,0.0,0.0,0.08226522825367999,0.09620071088510634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852989710751193,0.105744025359351,0.08326135702319147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503375122422263,0.0,0.17965340112866027,0.0,0.0919558439175846,0.0,0.0,0.09506445179884124,0.06715785959658248,0.18052088168137947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262875310769165,0.34762789286043605,0.0,0.0,0.1068514798075363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928113998773988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932243286755434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662738479907183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279834563199155,0.27555931199171,0.0,0.08300896392333686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491919747067397,0.0,0.0,0.2997402991027608,0.0,0.0,0.14500634654194658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210585811493527,0.3608049245092507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001157760649455,0.0,0.10438246728520524,0.0,0.0,0.06517187970211928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135429884696108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665375906869204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028055586556164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513902616051537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776268184594992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245336689489505,0.0,0.0,0.07463021276897105,0.05481561736742671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482573572240609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667791199064797,0.0,0.0,0.0605367407999286
suicidewatch,throwaway88821883,2019/01/09,"Why am I feeling like this? I don’t get it. Objectively my life is good. I have a good job, friends, my own place. I’ve been feeling like this for like 5 years, but last year was the worst. Stressed all the time, my girlfriend of 6 years dumped me out of the blue. 

But everything else in my life is fine. It’s not fair for me to feel this way when other people have real problems in their lives. ",1.0085843373493972,2.883249783132533,1.9622740963855416,99.47304969879521,81.28915662650603,5.113855421686747,20.01355421686747,5.985473137389443,-0.3393361445783132,304,8,74,2,8,95,59,83,0.194,0.637,0.16899999999999998,-0.8553,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,1,11,1,1,4,0,8,2,0,0,1,10,12,3,0,1,3,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,10,7,8,10,3,11,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,9,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161787808703967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738767672329708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29347004543127114,0.2764274795879936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947307201106447,0.0,0.1010791633315419,0.0,0.0,0.3245439389956967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919873623386635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770242660104564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733046600726887,0.28355640928863896,0.0,0.17083598865698785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412650845550106,0.0,0.202133119263242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851229644740408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020919754222698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216171999962644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281287880494552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356607313057588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457498251727468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737615846227955
suicidewatch,thorpaway1212,2019/01/09,"I feel dangerously close to the edge and I don't know what to do. I've been struggling with depression for about 4 or 5 years. I'm a male, with a good job and a fairly secure looking life from the outside. I'm married with two kids and a dog and all the toys and vacations I could ask for. But all I want is to be happy and for my kids to grow up in a happy household.

My relationship with my wife is toxic. She's verbally and mentally abusive. I can't leave because I feel like I can't trust her with my children. I can't get custody of them because I can't really prove that she is an unfit parent. She is a stay at home mom and she hates it, she hates taking care of the kids and feels overwhelmed. I do my best to be supportive but because our relationship is so strained I have trouble feeling anything let alone empathy towards her.

Financially we are just handling our debt load. We live in an area where retiring baby boomers have sent housing and rent prices through the roof. My current mortgage is a steal, but I can't afford it on my own if I have to pay child support and alimony. Which means if we divorce I will have to find a new place and there is literally nothing aside from drug slums in the city in my price range. Not something I want for my kids.

I've alienated myself from my friends trying to appease my controlling wife. I have no friends anymore. I go home to get yelled at and told how useless I am. She undermines me infront of our kids and is slowly turning them against me.

I've run out of counselling options. I can't afford the paid for stuff and the government funded stuff I was getting has run out long ago and the only advice I got from them was ""leave your wife"". Our couples counselling was a failure. How do you fix a relationship when one party doesn't want it to change?

So here I am on the 15 mins I get to myself at work spilling my guts to the internet because I have no one else to talk to. I spent the ride to work this morning picking out trees I could easily smash my car into. Wondering if I could hit it hard enough on my side to end my life instantly. It's the first time I actually visualized it in the moment. Most times I just think about going out to the garage to hang myself.

I really don't know what to do anymore. Every day I agonize over options to fix my life and the only one that ever seems to make sense is to end it.

​

​",3.1990395540786767,4.590481446028517,4.3734467788616165,86.7209462428985,73.64358452138492,7.36801372065602,27.78866973952192,7.94452939551167,1.6404712830957222,1894,73,396,27,38,621,241,491,0.115,0.792,0.092,-0.953,8,1,2,0,1,2,44.0,7,2,3,5,13,22,3,3,28,0,43,5,1,5,4,70,80,29,0,9,10,5,5,1,2,1,4,2,3,8,15,31,0,2,12,1,8,9,12,10,0,5,9,8,72,12,63,63,6,49,0,3,1,0,43,24,0,9,16,270,87,5,0.0,0.0959704466847553,0.0790432382336872,0.0,0.0,0.07915118369406908,0.07180063408202775,0.0,0.0,0.08389042823408564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552453988098768,0.19684504874450295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065827949555336,0.0,0.0,0.06665518982856206,0.0,0.07572303368298397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975047007104163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500334408379878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258377273294783,0.0,0.08568609186395965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084714930418586,0.19401308247121613,0.08962373776511857,0.0,0.052237587027972966,0.0,0.06976423040851043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939330038755184,0.0,0.06766418403005922,0.0,0.14348196016344394,0.08369351190479186,0.0,0.0,0.07326813867748831,0.06824506330689176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382190218400727,0.05786562746398088,0.0,0.0,0.07403152349614997,0.06889761953219113,0.0,0.0,0.12515909219706567,0.0,0.16927432014882585,0.0,0.0920670783979633,0.06793803097148239,0.06478221649568316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724496618528619,0.07255910098288823,0.15993928103061275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624969938046753,0.0,0.0,0.09346185082728438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037890591369375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890297498399118,0.0,0.0,0.17153227102590088,0.0,0.0828268589705207,0.17163574693269798,0.03957196915776085,0.0,0.07152350910843014,0.07168147404519025,0.06801867252000009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406739202546569,0.0,0.0,0.08823154334932846,0.0,0.0,0.08162783599223072,0.0,0.0,0.0948649280019871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822923846209362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077720625233731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646608445277387,0.12320662066761708,0.0,0.0,0.08993968839954257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462660655049585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377993370491244,0.0,0.0,0.2608875038375286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373835278361049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062356907364288165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633404585599448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467763281169259,0.18544871413488115,0.0,0.1838331745285927,0.0,0.0,0.060901089331058166,0.06510384439553993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190082194430936,0.0,0.0,0.09446221522977327,0.0,0.0,0.07739791622898294,0.0,0.05499293345519274,0.0881035393948353,0.07912415176096085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332574235311096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783984749587008,0.11793632191399575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684504874450295,0.0521606333503592
suicidewatch,UJoshinb,2019/01/09,"I can't cope with the constant self hating bitter voice in my head and it's getting close to pushing me over the edge. Im a 23 university dropout and I can't take the pressure of living like im total failure. 

Its become a routine where I'm constantly inflicting self harm on a regular basis. Slamming my fists into legs, sticking sharp objects into myself and biting my lower lips till it bleeds just get my thoughts to go away. 

I have no one I can talk to about this. The only person who gave a shit about me is dying of bowel cancer and when she goes I'll breakdown. 

I've become a bitter jealous shell of a person and I deserve to die for being a waste of skin. I can't even watch happy films without breaking down into mess of envious disgusting mess.

I want to die so much.",3.501792452830191,4.8199542264150965,5.013977987421384,82.71455188679249,72.77358490566039,6.809433962264151,27.08647798742139,7.1686216300943375,1.4589534591194973,618,22,117,6,12,208,108,159,0.314,0.654,0.032,-0.9938,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,7,1,11,0,7,8,6,0,1,15,16,8,3,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,10,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,11,0,1,2,6,15,2,24,13,2,17,0,0,1,0,8,10,1,0,5,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167536930157365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33307894067270105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325908204357526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469499246478472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995976228825965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756666234416314,0.0,0.08569936799740918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605223853012384,0.0,0.14887727014683616,0.1547575390545849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257655107795671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367004158802751,0.0,0.13315334067742066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085050435136973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218151486571647,0.11468518071868015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633339725135629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146208197753002,0.0,0.1547872648995447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337787528057156,0.1212020282599272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971312104115375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889418581260047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535946287222828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snipamike,2019/01/09,Don’t get so caught up in your own feelings you forget others have them to I know this subreddit is about suicide and all but we’re all depressed here right? I got so caught up in my own feelings for a minute there I forgot that other people had them to. Don’t make the same mistake I did because it can only make things worse. Others don’t have to suffer because we do there’s to much suffering as it is.,1.1348104575163376,3.3406842588235293,2.5309803921568634,93.7383006535948,82.88235294117645,4.718954248366012,20.03267973856209,5.82211442006289,-0.08330065359477112,322,9,68,2,9,104,58,85,0.267,0.733,0.0,-0.9771,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,2,2,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,2,14,21,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,6,2,10,0,11,15,6,7,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634419367584693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675588403649474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014599105694704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574663928775506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384203934995844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382974478355322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979724553903404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914018180277894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267209472779055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666725211036915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545785383889899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32607656075038605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804654676530603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30379266951560324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THAT_IS_NOT_OCD_22,2019/01/09,GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD JUST GET THE FUCK OUUUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE IM TIRED OF THESE THOUGHTS THAT ARE NOT MY OWN THEY CONTROL ME AND THE ONLY WAY OUT IS TO DIE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP,-2.5644124168514395,-2.5140267317073146,-0.6095343680709533,106.07133037694015,133.390243902439,2.466518847006652,13.483370288248336,4.851557810540192,-1.3857024390243908,148,4,36,1,11,47,35,41,0.251,0.703,0.046,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,3,4,1,2,0,9,10,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,9,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697980460110294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793184547247199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846320083407875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604651510336669,0.26022523486253746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555858983625891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26900489383840664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623549013059544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894054087569916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733700761485783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082077850512983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724636153464316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770917639302027,0.0,0.2862337363823941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767559470316465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiyamotoMoriarty,2019/01/09,"I always feel the wrong things I have friends and family but I still feel lonely.

I accomplish many small things but I feel like a failure.

I can get people to like me but I hate myself.

I don't think life is worth living, it doesn't even matter what good things happen to me in the future but I haven't I killed myself yet.

I have given up on life but I don't feel especially depressed.

I don't like humanity as a whole, yet i still crave attention like everyone else.

I'm so close to ending it, what am I waiting for?",0.3491884262526489,2.6254778073394505,2.51119266055046,91.99250529287228,87.44036697247705,5.555681016231475,16.64149611856034,7.010146845296331,-0.00703726182074771,407,9,89,6,13,137,63,109,0.132,0.589,0.279,0.9572,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,0,15,21,8,1,0,5,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,6,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,4,19,6,8,20,1,11,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,10,61,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758168952547873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276400873213775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816549884509286,0.0,0.15709253357318442,0.0,0.0,0.11714775185670448,0.0,0.0,0.16947962991090734,0.0,0.0,0.16720371158719227,0.0,0.3587238094537944,0.12670942067928054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703157435652424,0.0,0.09266576714858812,0.0,0.0,0.14876514649125588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568430723735612,0.0,0.0,0.1751109815223578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622782924261295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25055595195074976,0.3466058526878911,0.0,0.15661633341346926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982002912803838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296239295356465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832874544511472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534997982183493,0.11364817715725002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980214215671644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392052293889128,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Automatic_Anomaly,2019/01/09,"Been almost 2 years and I still don't know what to do I moved to a really rural area to go back to school and save money some time ago, but I really hate it. I am living with my folks again and I just really can't seem to find anything to be happy about. I didn't want to move here but I couldn't afford to stay in the bay area. I am lonely but I have moved a lot in my life and don't feel motivated to make friends. I am currently enrolled in college but I just find myself feeling like it is all going to fall apart just like it has the last 3 times. Every time I start to make progress I just get set back even farther, everything is just starting to feel more and more pointless. I have been seeing a therapist but, idk if she is helping. I am not working right now but might look for a job, but I have a hard time focusing on school and work. I just feel like I need to go away because I am just angry at being alive.",3.1703788171627387,3.422003417085431,4.551859296482412,89.69266718206421,72.6180904522613,7.731117124081948,23.8504058755315,7.61054688173877,0.809722535755701,716,17,168,8,13,239,111,199,0.102,0.738,0.16,0.9146,3,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,15,8,1,0,7,0,23,1,0,3,1,43,42,14,0,4,16,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,9,0,1,7,6,2,0,0,3,7,23,6,22,35,5,35,0,1,2,0,3,11,0,6,18,113,27,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709465464775672,0.0,0.12097814578966895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941993725313523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350908305492335,0.18579759516821134,0.0,0.07364732214525463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797967558057956,0.0,0.10179132231501124,0.0,0.10858017083680874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443495139345344,0.1726196284604111,0.0,0.0,0.22084430153666298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334088707042898,0.0,0.06312052493979989,0.0,0.2059847818515122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860914960135056,0.10822595037860797,0.11927918385104774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097932945866528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988962604365425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639642138528214,0.09847984117842436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533476655172527,0.17707140437675614,0.0,0.1066813072766486,0.0,0.10145364781606604,0.0,0.0,0.10271206196460736,0.0,0.0,0.16128906800619713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816496061426988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852196852054235,0.0,0.08958232884184864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23219034834979285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317481683717726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24454119661593884,0.09627341564364106,0.10998487028169424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102607407615525,0.1287720497666976,0.09648251659722276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027480210160767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817913364312989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125944905492998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759086089877236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780049697727155
suicidewatch,Itsoverforme011,2019/01/09,"Feeling kinda disheartened I don't think anyone will love me. I guess that I don't fit the description of a stereotypical male that most women look for. They don't really even talk to me because I guess im so desperate to have a friend. I moved away to start a new life because you're supposed to take action when things go wrong, and im still extremely isolated and stuck. People ask if I like the new town. I have to say I like it but I want to hang myself. I really hate being a suitor, and im trying to get a hobby but I have severe adhd and ocd including other mental health problems, and I just hoard about drawing and piano playing. Im feeling depressed 😞. People are better at me at everything without even trying. What the fuck do I do just go on dating apps and act desperate.😖🔫 I want to kill myself. I just want a muse, friends, a wife, feel proud of myself instead of this. I wish I could do a good job like the rest of my peers.",2.0692977190876363,3.772391295918368,4.017695078031212,86.7928511404562,77.36734693877553,6.856662665066028,22.243697478991603,7.724431198458867,0.9757278511404559,738,21,153,11,17,251,115,196,0.184,0.623,0.193,-0.456,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,2,10,17,3,0,12,0,13,4,0,0,0,28,34,12,1,7,7,1,3,3,2,1,2,1,0,2,7,7,0,0,4,1,0,6,4,7,0,0,1,5,25,10,19,30,2,18,0,2,1,2,10,6,1,5,9,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009229591535036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150717958205224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897550978538728,0.0,0.10951963931803307,0.0,0.0,0.14211775729321124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309507959044156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307020395691576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039999989146037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539843628262106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476396097203708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682111805557946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012056851225247,0.10776540112132772,0.060902061217663526,0.0,0.13249676241013886,0.09777185618220167,0.0,0.0,0.25682597757323355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508694143177195,0.0,0.123906520992652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036545366878634,0.0,0.11567592873533802,0.0,0.12896541664604266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233555062295203,0.17084796933384067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788791008855187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520733071120636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747330511310795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389352419045405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251645431222332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162739301818838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154000234660824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935311794735878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269969291629387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168886000132846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250755553076113,0.0,0.09309149659072724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087644761884769,0.09369308500891156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744271703200603,0.07469218089360162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828428065792596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062647926083968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404765053528572,0.11236756271545244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744900218058167,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flatearthmike,2019/01/09,"I feel like a bad person A few days ago I told my ex best friend I loved her. I'd been running from my feelings for too long and it seemed like it was the best thing to do at the time. I fucked up. I told her everything. I hadn't gotten sleep for 3 days and was thinking that Voldemort was coming for me or something. I was so paranoid I literally thought that I was in danger. I had to talk to someone and she really has been the only friend I've had in years so I thought everything was ok. I started to get flashbacks of being abused as a child. I told her everything. She was nice enough not to call me crazy at the time but the next day she went ham on me and told me to see a professional. I deserved it. I betrayed her trust and disregarded her feelings.

I hate myself. I hate that I'm a creep. I am a very angry person because of the abuse that I've experienced and all I want to do now is be with god again. I don't want to hurt other people. I don't want people to be afraid of me. I don't want to be looked at as a loser or a fat creep. I feel like a predator. I don't want to hurt anyone. I emotionally manipulate people. I'm horrible and disgusting. I feel like my story is over. I make people afraid and I can't stand it when I do. She hates me and it hurts that I gave her all of that information.

I really don't have any other idea to relieve this pain than to stop breathing. I've reached out to my family. They have been trying to help me deal with this rejection. I can't just rely on them for everything though. They have their lives too. I've also reached out to a few close people that I used to know. They have been friendly but our relationships are not what they used to be and it wouldn't be right to just dump this all on them. I feel like everyone around me has grown up to do better things and I'm just stuck. I never thought I would be here. I feel like I have just woken up from a dream and now I'm ready to die. Like, I was trapped all this time and now it's time for me to go home. Please if anyone has any suggestions besides going to a mental ward I will listen to you. I am so hurt right now and I don't know how I can even begin to deal with this pain.

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suicidewatch,onefailedlife,2019/01/09,"What happens to my debts if I kill myself? I’m in a really shitty financial situation and it’s one of the things driving me toward suicide. 


But what happens if I die without paying off the debts I owe? I don’t want them to affect my family in any way. ",1.4658490566037763,3.37417898113208,4.574188679245285,81.14769811320755,79.94339622641509,7.258867924528303,23.807547169811322,8.238735603445708,1.6644898113207551,198,7,39,4,5,72,41,53,0.29600000000000004,0.682,0.022,-0.9587,3,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,9,0,8,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,30,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266462613065827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940373251948428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670851530341377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5010708864006547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31344722736905123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198228457763888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149951334631312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184591054032511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30990176951214304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822259148924445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671071439883266,0.2248830894891348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273106557520336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ouroboros616,2019/01/09,"Is there a reason to live? Im autistic and will probably never be able to live on my pwn, i will always be dependent on others. And i really do not want that. In the worst case i will be homeless, living on the streets for year and then die. In the best case i will live off disability benefits or my parents. Maybe i will be able to get a shitty low wage job. I think autism is simply a death sentence. And you will never be able to enjoy live. Socwhy exactlx should i not commit suicide in the future? Especially if i end up homeless? I really do not want to live for the rest of my live on the streets. Why is suicide wrong if there is no hope?",1.3336222732491372,3.312410261194028,3.312089552238806,89.67567738231921,80.71641791044777,6.212629161882894,21.501722158438568,7.321109707123232,0.6756103329506318,501,15,108,7,13,169,72,134,0.18600000000000005,0.675,0.139,-0.7461,3,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,9,0,18,0,0,2,3,20,23,8,4,6,6,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,13,4,17,11,3,18,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,5,6,78,15,2,0.3541249259283987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822010224292434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238774206633763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250858799940853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454985817528807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167188594342541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724198497238385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127505229381686,0.0,0.11713811553715528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7296305274164113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858869524007347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208198265678568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107127412798614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272688549497697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124099695780124,0.12136646775917367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582367947762618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563631786570622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924803758201784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651422168055467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906000501350115,0.0,0.07601494728537529
suicidewatch,tifmylifeu,2019/01/09,"thats it already had a shit life and today I ruined it. 
I know it’s selfish but the only method I dare to do is jump in front of a train so that’s my plan",-2.880263157894735,-1.28064955263158,0.7266315789473694,103.38942105263159,97.15789473684212,3.04,12.86315789473684,3.1291,-1.7613852631578948,119,2,33,0,5,43,31,38,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173811541604758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576644715972049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311584732079412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565770865208832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812617602600663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444094131522796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thinktank13,2019/01/09,"Is there a chat line that doesn't ask for personal information? I'm in Canada and all the resources I have found state that if I disclose anything about harming myself then they have the right to do a safety check or do everything possible to find out who I am to check on me.

These policies make it so I am completely unwilling to reach out for help out of fear my wife or my employer will find out. I am seeking help, but I need privacy. I have no intention of ""coming out"" about my suicidal thoughts to anyone that knows me.

Is there a hotline that doesn't ask for personal information?",5.858128078817736,6.135914172413795,6.538374384236455,77.70120689655174,66.75862068965517,10.766502463054188,33.8128078817734,10.608840637214634,3.5402256157635463,468,20,92,12,7,154,72,116,0.119,0.8220000000000001,0.059,-0.8758,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,5,0,13,0,0,2,1,22,22,7,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,7,1,2,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,14,0,19,19,1,11,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,3,1,69,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550719723668173,0.0,0.17124720196413282,0.0,0.3890877117235429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792582928614692,0.21818714932562366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702536893830785,0.0,0.0,0.2341684862866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803962238638824,0.0,0.0,0.2281690877829377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789678603682842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436540493594526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890725726943154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543022816493846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363406885976411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459961000229465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771484457430922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276258072647743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652068364473641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontknowanything900,2019/01/09,"I am gonna do it pretty soon I am sorry, I dont want attention, I dont want any help because I made up my mind. I know it sounds too rude but I am not looking for any help. I read the post about that 23 year old guy who messed school disappointed parents. I feel you brother. I am an international student, 23 years old like you and I am going through same stuff. My parents have no money but they keep loaning it for my education while I am here missing classes every semester. I am the worst child a parent could ever have. I am not smart, not good looking, not even charismatic enough to make anything happen. Everyday I just go to work, come back home watch TV series. Thats all my life is. I dont even have a decent job that I could pay my parents back.My father thinks I am wasting money and hates my guts. I have been thinking about doing it for years now but today is the day I finally made my mind up. I am a huge pussy so I am probably gonna find a way to do it painlessly and quick. I know it sounds weird as fuck but I am watching The Americans right now and I am at the final season. I am gonna do it after I finish it, I just wanna know how it ends. Anyways welcome to my shitty life, I hope my mom knows that I love her so much. I am gonna send whatever I have saved up until now, and the holiday pay I never took in all these 3 years of working to my mom. I love you, hope you will forgive me.",0.5718101545253873,2.443101589403973,2.910172185430465,92.1279293598234,82.7748344370861,5.748520971302428,20.99381898454746,6.88968998030894,0.3730473289183225,1088,33,248,13,30,373,157,302,0.16699999999999998,0.691,0.142,-0.4523,5,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,4,1,2,19,18,3,0,11,0,33,6,1,4,4,46,64,15,0,7,10,8,1,1,0,5,2,2,1,2,16,6,0,1,10,3,5,5,9,8,0,0,4,7,51,10,21,53,6,39,0,2,4,3,24,7,1,2,26,171,67,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341341795884793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467176931417398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954781655317786,0.0,0.055314617990906916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781649786897413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489794593623265,0.0,0.0,0.05852017011900292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190418671427873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803692244941981,0.0937592801118951,0.0,0.11986660032541788,0.08208005353335503,0.07645285591700123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045881165892545116,0.0,0.0,0.1988037495627193,0.08293525018381329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388820804939401,0.0,0.0,0.10313993039768972,0.07610889698776183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984744471240409,0.08024159905778122,0.0,0.0,0.08958754095600181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164300190932292,0.0,0.09102020462951277,0.18025174925809895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004602845705396,0.08065440064070517,0.0,0.0,0.19947460833112227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818551647654305,0.04433126602528605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239847449338098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379384023424573,0.1717218698388844,0.06057004466011705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324424590401198,0.2125485513728053,0.0,0.0,0.06670477023643112,0.0,0.0699847326237254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904339581142371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030267219481544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869043967848689,0.09231579610420423,0.09783369727224782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076514003228484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749196322948693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183431576216172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157665512921724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387625957638637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628580500361298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601146393767753,0.0,0.10081612798246777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070422953041456,0.07202565222371984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321204522314693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337358450759516
suicidewatch,Very_lost_in_Houston,2019/01/09,"I'm going to end everything in two weeks from this Friday. Two Fridays after the coming one, I'm going ahead. I have a way - I'm fine and am going ahead.

After all the difficulties I've had, I've kept going. Now the final bit of pressure has come & I quit.

The last thing that I enjoyed & that actually saved my life has now been taken away from me in the past three weeks.

Until recently I worked out consistently. Four and five days a week - I can't do that now. It's been ripped away. 

Why, my right knee is staying inflamed - even when I do nothing. I saw one of the best joint doctors in my city. He's saying my knee is imflamed with a small bit of arthritis. It's been three weeks. It's still hurts. My ability to do the cardio, swimming & weights I've enjoyed just got taken away from me. 

I'm not going to live while being forced to sit like a lump on a couch. I got to the lightest weight I've ever been at I now weight 197 lbs. 
I used to weight 330 lbs. 

I'll now become a blob like my Mom. I'm not living like that. Now or ever. 

I'm going in two weeks. I dont want to go, but I can't live that way. That's final.

Come next check, I'll get the required items. Write a letter explaining why, and go.",-0.045587533156496114,1.9986954730769249,2.111936339522547,95.8896153846154,86.57692307692307,4.663129973474802,17.042440318302386,5.935793293072707,-0.5366193633952259,933,21,217,7,29,313,131,260,0.043,0.884,0.073,0.7218,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,6,12,10,0,1,16,0,18,11,2,1,3,23,45,8,0,1,5,1,4,3,0,0,5,1,1,0,11,8,4,2,1,1,1,12,5,2,0,9,11,6,20,8,29,33,5,57,0,1,1,0,6,12,0,1,32,126,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0799985834733989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664689896772486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23106274477297564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053812557223212,0.0,0.0,0.08603072532405047,0.0,0.17899722137559132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185004922947415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286894944702847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390783182941565,0.0,0.0,0.09607746247238118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260806758148634,0.0,0.0,0.05414561526482844,0.14830736793962945,0.0,0.0,0.07367643077905922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796055165960306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283005774097131,0.0,0.3727193379702635,0.0,0.13113039571076182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775901390192659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682291200867461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790339960272022,0.12015075097940706,0.0,0.2171639045254579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601149992145168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871844032678998,0.0,0.0,0.07865998489312333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111006634690114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825716053778961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719356410561044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094326463653448,0.0,0.0,0.07000865988939366,0.0,0.06519209893381497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737751044039994,0.06546763926305163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544624594928574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24024142485271144,0.0,0.0,0.07080256570730406,0.0,0.0,0.04835267641584557,0.1301404475947883,0.3287885444966165,0.3993078817227037,0.0,0.0,0.1479445680969681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968087153317987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noidentity1988,2019/01/09,I don't know why but i just wanna die I could never understand my mind. I hate people but still I want someone to talk to. I hate my parents but I still have to live for them. I always wanted to be a good bf but I could never sustain a long term relationship. I wanted a better job and now that I have one. I am still not happy. I moved away from my friends and everyone I loved. And I really find no reason in living. ,-1.1171282051282034,0.9622780222222254,1.9255555555555581,93.58807692307691,96.55555555555556,4.547008547008548,14.700854700854702,6.297961479604792,-0.4646837606837608,322,7,72,4,13,113,57,90,0.222,0.596,0.182,-0.7197,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,2,22,15,7,1,6,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,19,5,9,12,1,11,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,8,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912800799208535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580328615977042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725028209360085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478083687086068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105959542947146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828781995921742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183809800544442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989708401883065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016348496098654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519943723813832,0.0,0.30643004961150283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399914247543198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528671157125603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740659118042436,0.13733560327615252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006231796698282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566946217191237,0.0,0.0,0.16493921157306854,0.0,0.0,0.2393795483288039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515872113586516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723167879755558,0.0,0.0,0.10758711945286853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941676000090297,0.15955807274581338,0.0,0.1666127508489792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314894335776005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37179759359080217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473342470638232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155513023065268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745999235263724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003212127004516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vostrumetai,2019/01/09,"Dead before 18. There's this date on my calendar, some day in April, where I turn eighteen. I don't intend to be alive then.

I've filled this account with posts detailing my spiraling down for months, spent days and weeks toying with the idea of suicide, wrote and erased letters and notes. I've swallowed pills and I've trusted the vice of narcotics to grant me any relief; and I stand unfazed. I've talked to people I shouldn't have, sought support for far too long and wandered mindlessly far too much.

I choose to exert my maximum, radical liberty in deciding to shut down any further act of freedom. I choose to end this life before April 25th, 2019.

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suicidewatch,pm-me-ur-udders,2019/01/09,"I don't think it's worth it anymore I don't think living is worth it for me. What's the point? What's the meaning of all this suffering? There's a light at the end of the tunnel? Not for me, no.

 ""It'll all get better"". It's been years and I'm still suffering from crippling depression (and two types at that!), anxiety, BPD and more. I've lived through losing my dad at a young age, dropping out twice even though I'm smart, losing friends, being constantly backstabbed, having my digestive system go to shit, getting headaches every fucking day, not being able to read / write / watch movies or even fucking playing video games. How the fuck am I supposed to unwind and relax when the only stimuli is stress and I have no means of relaxing?

Tried all kinds of medication, therapists, meditation and every thing. I'm exhausted. Don't tell me ""it'll be worth the pain"" because NOTHING in this world is worth the pain I'm going through. Don't tell me there's a God. Don't tell me there's hope. ",3.1452941176470586,5.139196102564107,3.830196078431373,88.03235294117648,75.15384615384616,6.844645550527903,25.82956259426848,7.724431198458867,1.3807797888386122,780,28,156,11,17,247,113,195,0.212,0.6809999999999999,0.108,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,9,21,4,1,11,0,17,9,1,1,3,20,33,10,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,12,7,1,0,4,7,4,2,9,13,0,2,1,2,11,8,17,27,4,19,0,5,1,3,7,7,4,2,8,92,23,2,0.1253316770235734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587838987514813,0.0,0.12429534598114045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640102702700187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108456833566496,0.0,0.0,0.15785085976784302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543901796850702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082856324926027,0.0,0.1079479897700984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100666543028108,0.0,0.0,0.16556078128574514,0.0,0.21119468680653264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683094276974567,0.3476013475216677,0.13096125674122494,0.0,0.1424577606442544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448263467169066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305136550619682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213403339891644,0.0,0.0,0.28042817597595365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273045877037624,0.0,0.12625847904008622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202591243181404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953203880380933,0.26672348178667843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847894556536565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536559355532684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865116540010402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009003916855294,0.0,0.14356701257896853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328636229807647,0.0,0.0,0.1455197369625314,0.08326479716112695,0.1606149559307847,0.12313773633197952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509198171165777,0.0,0.12243083704708907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070949084273933
suicidewatch,suicideandrainbows,2019/01/09,"If I really want to die why haven’t I done it yet I feel like a fake. I constantly think about dying but when I start to plan how I’m going to do it I get scared. If I really wanted to die I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t care how painful or scary it was because soon it would all be over. Soon nothing I did will ever matter to me because I will be gone. But I don’t do it. So maybe I don’t want to die? Then I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do who to be. 
Part of me wants to continue living even though it’s hard and scary. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I wish I could just forget ",-1.8342605633802835,-0.211399584507042,1.1670246478873239,102.50293133802818,90.61971830985917,4.676760563380283,13.100352112676056,5.985473137389443,-1.2456070422535208,457,6,128,4,16,160,71,142,0.238,0.608,0.155,-0.9493,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,1,1,0,23,1,0,2,2,28,41,12,4,13,6,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,5,2,21,3,13,26,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,10,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628214269863401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27232582665481875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431988046094624,0.0,0.10662864167571984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5544143962201563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666780446885962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820837792007433,0.12080343251772074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752678743663425,0.09540799791858748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977425413075455,0.0,0.07589942431395022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196343815654484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679094584614932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524568239388999,0.0,0.11792691287059487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416871613600448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281446270525068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210639439416015,0.0,0.0,0.1446214101449907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111083267994795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370663950232972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945272299854604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557331405622315,0.1312119923358796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938556366822259,0.10600560846877548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050791472302685,0.0,0.3071513392839621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486994033631677,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MAXiminimum,2019/01/09,"Guilt I had a talk today with my therapist and my parents. My mother said she has stopped putting energy in our relationship because I'm so negative and my father thinks getting a job will fix my problems (because then I'll get physically tired). Now I just feel lazy and toxic and like they have given up on me. And the times I talked to them before this they gave me basically the same guilt trips. Everyone tells me committing suicide is easy, but planning my suicide takes so much of my energy and I am so afraid it will fail, but I really hate myself and my life right now.",9.001769911504425,6.773666876106198,8.992141592920357,70.84644247787614,61.65486725663718,12.57982300884956,37.644247787610624,11.20814326018867,4.0207996460177,459,17,88,10,5,151,80,113,0.236,0.6940000000000001,0.071,-0.9726,2,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,0,3,2,6,7,1,3,4,0,7,2,0,0,1,17,17,13,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,4,2,22,1,6,11,2,12,0,1,0,0,14,4,0,0,7,60,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130856260266874,0.0,0.16144155756803982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128986993192744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593039705059343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982464191400579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873136440085965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827227021529924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400801017709307,0.09268979697510622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946932187678288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066658129958046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154070333563224,0.0,0.19072550341995184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154235927518628,0.0,0.0,0.2036930877985744,0.0,0.16202366823556544,0.18047142578200448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158618159554383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150555724983269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264919653490404,0.30498669880510737,0.1658275568928788,0.0,0.0,0.22028474286887126,0.0,0.12156778525932173,0.0,0.0,0.11062986929662696,0.21806037875175355,0.1798366219761836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ccfc1984,2019/01/09,"Suicidal with children My second child was born three weeks ago... and I’m constantly thinking about killing myself. As overwhelming as having a new child is, though, this isn’t the cause of my suicidal thoughts - that comes down to my failings in the world of work.

I’m 34 but have a salary of just £20,000. I’ve been with the same company for more than a decade having worked for them as a copywriter/SEO specialist/social media manager. In my time with the company, I’ve received no training whatsoever and this, coupled with my low, low salary has left me feeling worthless.

To put this in context: I was frequently bullied by my peers as a child and this left me feeling inferior. I was determined to prove them wrong and swore o would by getting a good job. The thought that I haven’t emerges sporadically and, when it does, leaves me suffering from crushing depression. I constantly find myself thinking that it’d be so much easier if I didn’t have to deal with the feeling that people are laughing at my failing; that my old bullies are belittling me for being stupid like they did all those years ago. 

I’ve sought help from the NHS, private counsellors and even hypnotherapists but this doubt and feeling of hopelessness just won’t go away. I want to die but it’s a catch 22 situation: I have two daughters (one is three, the other’s just three weeks old) and, if I killed myself. It’d be certain to adversely affect them.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? If yes, do you have any advice to share? I’d be incredibly grateful. ",5.334620510320171,6.7820072662116075,5.598186250609462,79.77708759954496,68.48805460750853,9.266959206890947,32.04111815374614,9.606745405546679,3.0313193239070366,1231,53,229,27,21,391,164,293,0.226,0.6459999999999999,0.128,-0.9905,3,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,1,4,4,8,21,3,2,16,1,30,0,0,2,3,41,44,21,5,5,9,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,16,14,0,0,10,0,0,5,5,16,0,6,9,4,28,5,36,27,4,31,0,10,0,0,14,12,0,4,15,156,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069546279000733,0.21897362375884896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399306756059385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636315331727079,0.12655365271715815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160445184114582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688186231701545,0.0,0.1063955029290092,0.0,0.26694732335941845,0.0,0.0,0.1366647724226238,0.0,0.0,0.12733646761502754,0.10638155593338028,0.0,0.12818698178501148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808704849815326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317925297721313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157916396699001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498075123634526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288863378156473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453043863435393,0.0,0.07019527767213109,0.1035968346454349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278815259010258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256758263154895,0.0,0.2732976434110457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307824208600142,0.2683944466062161,0.0,0.0,0.060342207255780135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079625806896743,0.0,0.0,0.11928961386587235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592122084335105,0.0,0.08369559748882628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562835442887942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416466786976205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388337739657604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702063247056953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828427147627286,0.12135088400450135,0.1961110325279242,0.07202141680782641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065424253878256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285116067622499,0.0,0.19814933823001926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983785319217666,0.0,0.0,0.0877400832066953,0.1350420634341083,0.0,0.07953831500454528
suicidewatch,TheBTSMaclvor,2019/01/09,"Bad thoughts I need help everyone, my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday and my thoughts have been racing like a horse. We’ve been dating for only 8 months which isn’t that long but it hurts to think about her. For once in my life I thought I actually found someone special, someone that cared for me, someone who accepted me for who I am. I’ve thought about killing my self countless times and I feel like I might do it today. I know killing yourself over a girl is probably pretty pathetic but I just feel like there’s nothing on this world to live for now.",4.517229729729729,5.798069945945947,4.385213963963967,88.3356587837838,70.26126126126127,7.712162162162162,31.893018018018022,8.07648339933343,2.1175126126126123,448,20,92,6,8,137,75,111,0.194,0.622,0.184,-0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,18,19,4,2,1,3,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,10,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,7,2,16,6,14,11,0,12,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,10,55,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.14499365091690056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240589527109029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148826114184266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197554020019776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025406491815074,0.21229263314832375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291142889007454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959073156798252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590590642237873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287657882387098,0.0,0.08165624763084171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494717461703963,0.2177675564806025,0.0,0.1311997704517086,0.13148953480612424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762099136017202,0.0,0.0,0.118595959543634,0.0,0.0,0.110170950100015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425675042673055,0.0,0.0,0.15823394637994406,0.0,0.11300256762581608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511603220077025,0.1601954790725524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500241722755168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37767667030101454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952047237367133,0.0,0.471826960427749,0.0866387926780664,0.0,0.14083744206134954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halim1322,2019/01/09,hey im thinking to die now im a dissapointment a burden an accident at a form of a 13 year old kid i never made my parents proud,-2.5730000000000004,-0.9365189666666645,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,105.33333333333334,5.066666666666666,19.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.5315333333333334,101,4,24,2,5,40,24,30,0.309,0.594,0.097,-0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219187759318773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6700971423760719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29350064280600485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923061204658055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254826491876703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344419153107181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875137948239255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997463131544079
suicidewatch,arisbless,2019/01/09,"tired and detached for the past few months, i've slowly detached myself from most and i don't want to hurt my family or my dog but i just can't stop thinking about how much better it would be if i weren't in so much pain. i feel as though i have no one to talk to and i try but i feel like it's so pointless, i'll never get better, etc that i don't ever end up msging a crisis line or whatever. i'm miserable, i have been for the past ten years and i'm only 19. i don't deserve to feel this way because i have had a life others would be envious of, so shouldn't i just end it and stop wasting everyone's time?? 

​

this'll probably get lost in all the posts, i just want to get it out there. i'm trying really hard to shut off all my emotions and just hope they never come back. i'm exhausted and i just wish it would stop",1.3480327868852484,2.594465114754101,3.3537923497267776,92.74708196721312,78.18032786885246,6.628633879781423,20.943169398907106,7.3011,0.3929274316939893,648,16,154,8,15,220,104,183,0.203,0.6629999999999999,0.134,-0.9098,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,14,10,1,1,5,0,16,4,0,1,5,41,33,18,0,9,10,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,8,9,0,3,4,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,4,4,19,4,17,23,7,23,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,5,15,102,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877251231154633,0.1556288480738091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848411370358147,0.0,0.07807518974129868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226549251936514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110327898193735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407056601109655,0.22687827122939036,0.0,0.14284088026084435,0.0,0.11585392770218746,0.0,0.12238406424602705,0.0,0.0,0.12074058570825424,0.0,0.19428032929024275,0.09149898361910414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074648273804716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473277458855495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721040147868815,0.0,0.0,0.1371102001614347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046531355091056,0.06257246514773315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981231987960532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223067657739478,0.0,0.1883042053626846,0.0,0.19756337391644446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678900051980833,0.09740912749324852,0.13628407404520154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24452997973274415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266336666099972,0.0,0.13808979895475704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205007765593003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212369511343241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294428407600306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206724207486374,0.12583603261034046,0.0,0.0746833402032439,0.14720687599747492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391317567636375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108750308262356,0.10166239355629543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472834352195011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729489132824647,0.0,0.1556288480738091,0.08247806419203525
suicidewatch,throwaway__04848,2019/01/09,"An invitation. Hi. I’m not really sure if I should be doing this but here goes. 

I’m here to say that if anyone reading this would like to vent about something and get a random stranger on the internet opinions on it, I am here. 

I am not a therapist, but I am a good listener. I’m not trying to get your money and I’m not trying to trick you.

The inspiration for me posting this comes from today. I have been suicidal for years but continue to stick around for my family, and tonight was the first time I ever reached out for help.

I contacted 3 online crisis lines, which quite frankly made me feel even worse. One operator could barley even hold a discussion, another essentially hung up on me, and the other told me the service cost $200 a month.

I feel like people like us who read these subreddits are not going find use in those services, so perhaps a real discussion with a human could help. 

In a strange way I find listening to others problems and trying to offer insight helpful to my own health, so if you are interested then let me know.

❤️",4.7706387362637335,5.642342918269229,5.975439560439563,78.68384615384616,69.33653846153845,9.404395604395603,29.76098901098901,9.606745405546679,2.6855565934065937,829,31,161,18,14,278,132,208,0.104,0.74,0.157,0.8745,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,3,0,2,10,9,1,0,14,0,15,1,0,2,2,40,31,14,1,8,11,0,2,3,0,2,1,3,0,1,11,9,0,1,7,2,2,2,5,2,0,2,4,5,20,7,23,21,1,21,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,5,12,111,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486574119605572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659997313659326,0.0,0.0,0.12298569352886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900680243852645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206082764280812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249785342520675,0.12496753506144898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302386002537854,0.0,0.13970888079420635,0.09869671810264788,0.0,0.0,0.2525391575424352,0.11751309423102466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435875484237495,0.0,0.07851568263762712,0.1158764016758502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685045735498065,0.0,0.0,0.2778036584717708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592541987182777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412710707445402,0.0,0.20248411652468287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072395707678092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027261580964093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361622588478266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957780768746696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231263607538812,0.0,0.0,0.13219401389654378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694299994503426,0.2763812968209756,0.15724865795418894,0.08850451736621137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986501914803423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635713078056512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111724563841236,0.0,0.13020781462389874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040658554774084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055827817375573,0.0,0.13095313870562136,0.13201136243686662,0.0,0.2813909891969969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618136403485445,0.11932006124024498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965962901003397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078997692042505,0.0981401136388829,0.0,0.0,0.08896617130852781
suicidewatch,chetan714,2019/01/09,"Chickened out?! Thought of killing myself last Nov, but chicken out(you might say). I skipped my exams and went home. Well the reason is, that I want to see my dogs. Well that it.
Well whatever. I might do it with in these 6 months.
The fear is so much. I mean, when you try to suicide, a feelar will surface and its really bad. I will try it again..... ",-0.4847532467532432,1.7252043428571469,1.0518181818181809,98.8559090909091,98.42857142857143,4.259740259740259,19.220779220779214,6.11248444174946,-0.07028571428571427,264,9,59,3,11,84,53,70,0.225,0.662,0.113,-0.9236,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,1,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,12,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,2,9,3,6,6,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,4,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618545914504853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181323653074608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944448790534153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446357225937066,0.0,0.0,0.15801161033062427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111567897173336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112831940484216,0.0,0.0,0.15472724990951972,0.0,0.1425002397402118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418369217143364,0.19930754722999766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415533719973532,0.0,0.0,0.15447138476106778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203773629435085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389328671288646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632194982595379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433629625825845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228766318305139,0.1796986034036423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redheadgaia,2019/01/09,"Talk to me Life is hard, I'm struggling with being abused as a child, being abused and treated less thannwortjy. I have an amazing husband who I am sadly treating the same way as I was. I just need to talk",1.875,3.920788642857147,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,79.23809523809524,4.2,24.785714285714285,3.1291,0.08631428571428579,161,6,34,0,4,50,33,42,0.287,0.633,0.08,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,3,5,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.6906116077059794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610707729020753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058509385331363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160972275807528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046737727756608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684928767033214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313295373183155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowMeAway2019c,2019/01/09,"Need help with heritage Hello.
Im almost 20 from Germany, i have one older sibling and some very close friends. I need help because im soon gonna end it, but im worried about the little bit of money and stuff that i will leave behind. I want my sibling to get just a small sum of money, not too much of my stuff as im not that close with my sibling. Can somebody tell me what the neccesary steps are for me to successfully make it so that only the people i specify get something?
Thanks for your time.",2.9136538461538457,4.198840750000002,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,74.19230769230771,5.9692307692307685,25.5,5.985473137389443,0.6822538461538459,394,13,83,2,8,128,70,104,0.039,0.813,0.14800000000000002,0.8857,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,16,12,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,11,3,13,10,3,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,4,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418214274236272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386077015376194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809910026412306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637475194940496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189594854513022,0.0,0.16088951806487636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064102810020579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6652708796611047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163035624031259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432182113926576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277845615748292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318818306492492,0.2283386858433182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433637698040074,0.1171037272764521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674578515429893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185362642725232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35252546537099777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457955924803972,0.1417580418569317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978314176832489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704420021907092,0.09081751480164922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563674861415433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tthhrroowwaawwaaaay,2019/01/09,"Battle fatigue I want to end my life. For the past several months I have been the happiest I've ever been. It look a lot of effort, a lot of support, a lot of choices. I am frustrated with an admittedly temporary set-back, and I don't want to find myself having to deal with set-backs my whole life, watching as my happiness that I worked so hard for disappear. I don't want to frustrate my therapist or my support network. They're all real people with their own real problems, and I don't want to be one of those problems. I don't want to keep fighting the same battle, the same belief systems, the same thoughts. When will I start actively choosing to let these thoughts pass and choose effective action? Instead, sometimes I choose to grab hold of these negative feelings and wonder if they're a good enough reason for me to finally end my life. If I'm being honest with myself (I hope I am), I don't really need a reason to end my life other than the desire to do so. So why do I torture myself with these obsessions? If I want to do it, why don't I do it? What am I holding on for? How many more set-backs before I decide that enough's enough? ",4.0645976394849805,4.9045576781115905,5.333151824034335,82.7639337446352,70.931330472103,8.22843347639485,28.296405579399142,8.472884824447931,1.9776182403433469,901,32,180,14,16,301,117,233,0.133,0.6940000000000001,0.172,0.7466,0,0,0,0,2,3,29.0,0,0,1,3,7,16,6,1,12,0,21,5,0,4,2,52,40,14,0,14,4,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,11,9,0,3,14,0,0,3,7,10,0,1,4,5,30,6,29,32,13,14,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,9,9,133,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359314782810148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702922705827541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544192458431592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717581745320845,0.3170349218747332,0.0,0.0,0.0925143741446728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051713749746176825,0.0,0.0,0.11203820950808206,0.0934782865628782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578414204862607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887455874923074,0.09161908487235143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158300983757833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090748697253608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458400006251506,0.2889618688277257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588596669608996,0.0,0.0,0.2608538457633073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369167298749248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163561865814555,0.0,0.0,0.07583625702072394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693047721814972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763388468251824,0.07090520617601495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572837785905392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232824647914646,0.06552053722661011,0.21031324386458133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554261434418847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011534444129563,0.0,0.07239138275687314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321228762669064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187501606984253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239122294862032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619497258142503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457611804109975,0.11418734936941,0.0,0.0,0.11091381141555844,0.07445804689283261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sibito,2019/01/09,"Video games are my safe haven, but are seen as an addiction Okay, maybe I can agree that I play too much to the point where it is unhealthy, but video games offer me an alternate reality. I'd even say **opposite** reality, beacuse in video games my worth and efforts are recognized, I have friends and can get along with them, I love playing with them and just collaborating and having the multiplayer fun, that can also help developing teamwork and leadership skills.

However, some people, like my ""family"" (I can't call them parents and siblings, they are too inhuman towards me) think I'm simply addicted, but video games are my refuge from the abuse I suffer chronically from family, school, basically everywhere... The only thing that keeps me 1 inch away from suicide are video games. Beacuse nobody likes me, I'm physically unpleasant (I stopped worrying about the way I look so I only take a shower once a week and I don't shave my hair) I have terrible grades, the teachers also label me as dumb and useless (can't blame them, everyone does). Video games also distract me from my ringing inside my head (can't tell if this is tinnitus or something else, but it's an annoying sound inside my head that takes my attention away, and it also annoys me, so it also impacts my mood). I also have ADHD, and this depression, or, well, state of mind has been haunting me for the last five years***...***",3.811395348837209,6.401343674418605,4.808443410852713,78.96950232558143,75.43410852713178,8.314046511627907,27.37426356589147,9.065960079200117,2.628604775193798,1100,44,194,27,25,358,151,258,0.197,0.66,0.14400000000000002,-0.9711,3,0,1,0,1,1,54.0,0,0,5,2,15,19,3,1,12,1,21,7,3,0,0,28,31,27,1,1,8,1,1,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,11,13,0,3,2,14,1,0,4,8,1,1,2,6,35,10,17,29,2,13,0,3,2,1,19,7,1,4,6,130,46,2,0.0,0.13968954899812894,0.0,0.2570518887388373,0.14169017844031265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5656967043053138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153762469661184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038677936439215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015451549785732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031731111151908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984884376076036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787034862733287,0.0,0.0,0.11265634770812215,0.0,0.0,0.2222870026392832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108750529969424,0.0,0.06159670569270796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24199419966265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790243732702717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479293279645112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610239774649217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519776588668433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900441246231616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640731786355444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184441313483744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904311354254955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666840803552123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555725061845902,0.0,0.17933309543902393,0.0,0.0,0.1309114935229332,0.0,0.0,0.08173545164620405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114514769080542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375701886282432,0.0,0.11931881216181765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076344403447673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856779389985072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896099741017694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728886331216032,0.0,0.1030478256503096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832602302269245,0.07554411446940171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358174226257376,0.09457045952622438,0.0,0.10600423167086576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973088290171124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592228232616792
suicidewatch,mordorfandango,2019/01/09,I want to die. I'd even pay someone to do it for me so that my family and my ex doesn't think it's their fault.,-0.13178571428571215,-0.0646334642857127,2.934285714285714,98.96071428571429,80.07142857142857,7.028571428571429,17.571428571428573,7.1686216300943375,-0.41634285714285735,85,1,26,1,2,31,24,28,0.273,0.6829999999999999,0.044,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269899591882503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353803926960273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786847853549868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302358456195785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253615172300451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994986671577091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whuzgucci,2019/01/09,"I’m planning on ending my life today. I’m normally a happy person but deep down i’m lost in my suicidal thoughts. I tried to reach out to my friends but they don’t really care. I don’t really know if i’m depressed. I just know that I’m sad and my brain is eating me. Suicidal thoughts is always there, darkness is like my friend because it never leaves. It started when I was 15, I’ve been through so much. I think my mom hates me, and my relatives always talk shit about me. I had a fight with my mom recently where she told me she will be super happy if I die. My grandma and my father called me crazy when I was explaining what I feel. After a long time of thinking if i’m going to end my life, finally. The day has come, I already have a rope with me, i’m just waiting for them to fall asleep.  And I’m here, looking at the ceiling where I plan to hang myself. 

I know this is crazy, but i just want to let this feeling out. ",1.4732263814616786,2.9807579090909115,3.374575163398696,91.61323529411769,78.49494949494951,6.477005347593582,23.263220439691025,7.285733465282438,0.7665801544860371,718,23,163,9,17,242,114,198,0.217,0.638,0.145,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,1,2,22.0,0,0,2,4,11,13,3,0,6,0,15,6,3,0,1,32,43,13,3,5,9,3,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,6,9,1,1,10,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,8,3,35,7,19,32,1,26,0,3,1,0,15,9,1,3,14,103,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422743790524001,0.0,0.21455552896034016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859282881088138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392540195090436,0.13164909341151812,0.0,0.13144988022282544,0.0,0.0,0.11105937295235234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314738272083012,0.0,0.11104481458713507,0.0,0.13380608602599478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192471961242005,0.0,0.0,0.22838247579958545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303789395139354,0.0,0.0,0.1412334535051171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199217680830632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327230294390165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27449081877536424,0.0,0.1272889251644172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125650639121652,0.0,0.0,0.13651529673763704,0.0,0.1318368043818379,0.18213019846094727,0.06298732104174881,0.0,0.0,0.11409652121253352,0.10826638284717716,0.0,0.1407392765660826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019959735560279,0.0,0.0,0.09477633179935936,0.0,0.0994366102532958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632128915503446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257426431673437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518814052195652,0.0,0.12730006315239242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323419253910982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912553407953779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820508777480684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362680541990922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522269696026595,0.0,0.20470760231399995,0.07517849128599158,0.0,0.12220791730204905,0.12319547147229158,0.0,0.08753311064103117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604460715741983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BearofCali,2019/01/09,"Going Down to Florida I had a nice holiday. It was all well and good. However, good times don't last, and I can definitely feel that coming true. Especially with work coming around.

I do try to find a new job, as tedious and roundabout the process is, to find one at least more stable that the one I'm currently in. However, if anyone is hiring, they aren't they aren't hiring me. Then there's the terrible thought that I might be trading one crappy job for another, working for a company that is possibly actively antagonistic to its workforce, if minimum wage horror stories are to be believed.

My interest in my hobbies is waning, me just not finding that motivation to do them, and trying to find any excuse to not do the thing when I try to force myself.

Also, I'm nearly broke, which really does not help in any way in general.

This is all just annoying, tedious, and irritating, a long with the bouts of depression and hopelessness. Tomorrow does not feel worth it. If anything, tomorrow will probably just bring more misery and bad news. There's much I want to do, so many things I want see and try, but if it means langishing for years like this, then is it really worth it? Is any of this really worth it?

I did think things would be better, had some good times that had its ups and down, though thing were going well, but I guess it was all fleeting. What terrible thing hope is, letting me believe things would get better. What a lovely little lie it was.

So, I thought I would use the last of my funds to go to Florida, as California is way too far away, and enjoy the beaches. Bringing a nice lunch, and have a picnic. Enjoy the feeling of sand between my toes, the salty smell of the air, and possibly dying in those shores. Maybe. Perhaps after making a couple of calls, and writing some letters.

Wouldn't be so bad. There are worse ways to die, especially for a coward and a fool.",5.045506849315071,6.110912673972608,5.880438356164388,78.90695890410962,68.83561643835617,9.346849315068496,29.394520547945213,9.592334608150935,2.654996712328768,1486,54,282,32,25,488,184,365,0.145,0.703,0.152,0.2395,6,0,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,3,5,16,25,1,0,20,0,39,3,1,3,4,64,64,30,2,11,13,0,4,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,29,19,1,0,12,2,6,7,8,9,2,3,10,6,22,16,41,43,9,39,0,3,1,1,9,15,0,9,15,204,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757492803771542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238948006577914,0.08860602229152724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059084634520442166,0.0,0.06953661765775808,0.07522325853156099,0.0,0.0,0.07939089409175827,0.0,0.14110858520801906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040599691577986,0.0,0.14946744887240435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628434166571168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455792004741913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349806972362304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278005851579739,0.0,0.17539611925057774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789371419650493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817780211978252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30892728726531743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441479639835262,0.0,0.1440705497777169,0.2126247436802242,0.0,0.0,0.09308670167511952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663882744576223,0.0,0.0,0.08392794951440452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770718867188344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775818517336438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640736961127332,0.0,0.04128262024855407,0.084691585672862,0.0,0.07478018240807753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626489734791046,0.0,0.05640466371331064,0.08567012839522177,0.08489199521342446,0.0920456923311791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896415559050764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062117506341166334,0.0,0.0,0.08161099921232555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177894502406102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052297726657727,0.0,0.0,0.09110570786989262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623993328009473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733586722322317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33682980975926113,0.0541444352787417,0.0830212000689499,0.13416773516561445,0.09854570905029406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294808609734787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298120258654639,0.0,0.0,0.09968103381153352,0.20121741936336213,0.0,0.0,0.15195198994094156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303457459184487,0.0,0.08611311225441369,0.18007994902696778,0.0,0.0,0.05441547803553347
suicidewatch,chrisappleseed,2019/01/09,When people call you selfish... They call you selfish for wanting to kill yourself because you don't concider other peoples feelings when doing it. They want you to live because otherwise it would hurt them. Ain't that way more selfish? When you want somebody to live in pain just so you can feel good about yourself? Just saying...,4.372500000000001,7.209809916666668,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,74.83333333333334,4.666666666666667,31.66666666666667,5.46131890053228,1.5861666666666667,265,13,43,1,6,78,40,60,0.244,0.6809999999999999,0.075,-0.9378,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,3,0,7,7,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,10,4,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,9,1,6,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,0,3,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26716245139472183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475178594773305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22160009773031936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379806487628092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345860273137043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424378030763104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869962782056083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317258292051515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038379675678997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426307362815413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877503323950605,0.17393729280166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566554287752168,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thepioneerfalls,2019/01/09,How many sleep pills do you need to die? I am deeply sad right now and my mind is going to dark areas :( just wondering what might happen in a sleeping pill overdose and how many you would need? I'm thinking maybe if I rent a hotel for 5 days that if I pass out by the pills perhaps nobody will find me for long enough that I will pass away slowly or maybe quickly who knows. Just a dark thought dont think I will go through with it ,5.164285714285711,4.4129678461538475,4.993714285714288,91.67628571428574,68.34065934065933,7.719560439560437,26.991208791208788,5.6839178017228535,0.6821059340659339,338,8,79,1,5,104,67,91,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.8898,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,9,5,2,2,0,22,20,7,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,6,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,10,14,1,13,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,5,4,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715556730517547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775980868100062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950661554410192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400205068647413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867127121456892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689013676304015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754790094261266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146971777570893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035040767150252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159239256234206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370248923517244,0.3668859896882621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370631396250204,0.1843706819005258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707863776957957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593664108738234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654572718430161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400127036019844,0.0,0.144961436519179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801840445162155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971150412095048,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HissAtOwnAss,2019/01/09,"I need the time I don't have 20, F. I know I could save myself, could get any form of income and move out, away from the family that made me this always stressed mess with the pressure they've always put on me. I could try and finish my uni course and I'd be set, but it's my first semester and I'm constantly too shaken up to focus. I could give up and start an easier course next year, but I won't survive the drama that is inevitable if I drop out, it'd be too much.

I'm taking 3 different meds, 4 pills each day. Seeing a therapist every week, she was the one to make me realise it's actually my family that pushes me deeper and deeper into being an unstable, pessimistic, depressed, aggressive, anxious piece of shit that I am.

I can't take it any longer. I know what I can do, but it's too late, it'll take too long and I can't go on like that. I'm so sorry for my pup and all the friends that tried to help me and put up with me.

I'm just waiting for my parents to take the pup with them on a trip like they often do so I can take a monthly dose of my meds, mix it with strongest painkillers I can get and drink my favorite cherry vodka until I pass out. Hopefully forever after such a mix. It hurts to know I'll never have a life I'd be happy with, will never be just... Free, but it hurts so much more to try and fail at everything right now. I'm not what they all want me to be. ",3.296833362475958,3.3114938538206005,4.8973911522993525,88.16722329078512,72.25581395348838,8.064416856093722,24.14775310368945,7.85451343220497,0.9599461794019936,1074,25,251,13,19,365,155,301,0.16699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.099,-0.9548,3,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,3,13,16,2,2,14,0,27,5,1,2,4,48,52,20,0,8,8,1,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,18,21,1,1,3,3,1,7,7,9,0,2,2,1,35,8,32,36,8,39,0,4,1,0,8,13,1,3,19,165,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.10214360411494196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418898505889802,0.0,0.0,0.14235946977826394,0.0,0.0,0.11824821325688704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983416643273052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311195231903523,0.0,0.3342844740321492,0.0,0.0,0.06750400829391981,0.0,0.09015280865850823,0.0,0.0,0.1093587103748087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253753767833627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818966536529675,0.0,0.09407136790866492,0.0,0.19734863391996565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903293097825986,0.0,0.0,0.08086840222162191,0.0,0.10937234816335444,0.10040977128765274,0.05948682909535075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114240154102594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701586324261026,0.0,0.0,0.10396172424113574,0.0,0.0,0.2241045174630321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257300672351378,0.0,0.11807322415085805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393208315865014,0.10227373376958536,0.0,0.0,0.09263036625094824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990420439848251,0.06986857332753937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325313300579458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354723579034057,0.11124849793272053,0.15389016655718435,0.0776120736378483,0.16145715099162505,0.0,0.11131858572664607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092764455047883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162245390167838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044613319285932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893882932656885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340907767080609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744307441677244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171703936671355,0.07408653261640714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990005040640968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934970844950251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153086898940575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103438657032556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131938120004522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061737551132518574,0.0,0.08396060397183806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674045649239742
suicidewatch,Ars_Nowing,2019/01/09,"Why do/don't I want to kill myself? Hey guys, so most likely at night hours I'm really getting bad suicidal thoughts. I am depressed since I can remember (I'm 18 btw).
The next morning most of my thoughts are gone but I still don't enjoy life. I guess of I would live in a country where weapons would be legal I would already be dead.
At the moment I guess the only thing preventing me is my Family.
Also 2 month ago my Girlfriend broke up out of nothing without even explaining me why.. With her I was truly happy the first time and my depression was almost gone. But since she broke up, the depression got worse than before.

Good thing is I still go to school and visit the most classes but when I'm home I just tell my parents I'm tired and want to be alone in my room.
They often ask me why I don't do sports to visit people or why I don't have friends only on the internet.

It's strange because I really don't enjoy life and want to end it but just don't want to hurt my family ",1.3482038834951453,3.3332713446601967,3.091077669902916,91.24651941747575,80.6990291262136,6.255922330097087,21.46504854368932,7.365786028017652,0.6775968932038832,771,23,167,11,20,256,116,206,0.27,0.643,0.087,-0.9908,1,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,10,15,2,0,8,0,20,3,0,0,0,33,39,12,3,7,8,1,0,1,2,3,3,0,2,1,4,6,0,1,4,1,0,5,6,9,0,1,7,0,28,6,20,26,3,27,0,6,0,0,13,10,0,8,13,103,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543750808208493,0.0,0.10780979503162368,0.11150728019272677,0.11880973710309098,0.08609874295939719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006511673819424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989481868488698,0.06563088443190454,0.0,0.09161400760987166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27819215200158914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535821589742532,0.0,0.0,0.07111095835910887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029917942720606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157881688660156,0.0,0.0,0.0831808244162412,0.0,0.05624991862480205,0.0,0.061187847788790876,0.09030333036494367,0.0861086171372643,0.0,0.2372077405984364,0.1066041396397438,0.0,0.11461017167364353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079956211934767,0.0,0.1060272062655224,0.0,0.11525637953679517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191140996989707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209232429479996,0.05259911941729134,0.0,0.09506915316091176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593625890732039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450172724096057,0.10103523106366814,0.0,0.10330636899967913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637664208132018,0.0,0.0,0.11954796567291165,0.0,0.0,0.07464055832461024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794444002270992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219621556706892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896156537970236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781213006692514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196098139189836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776677873463808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410295148266193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430541575781836,0.0,0.0,0.17094614347234535,0.06277965748285583,0.12374375903772572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540117158031193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885995189063322,0.0,0.0,0.10378411062675737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971866242000873,0.2294439327373116,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xepher01,2019/01/09,lacking the motivation to make a significant post my mind visits this place once again,8.677999999999999,10.449995466666667,8.353333333333339,61.89000000000002,61.0,11.333333333333336,35.0,11.20814326018867,4.409000000000002,72,3,11,2,1,23,15,15,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109547622244003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470370058614065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961090950608929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867082604127262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446150175224943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Absol21,2019/01/09,"The end This will be my final post here, as i this'll be the end of a chapter in my life one way or another. I'm a 23 year old fraud, thief, compulsive liar, and i can't take it anymore. I've been telling my parents that i am attending classes ive been skipping for the last 2 terms. They're absolutely obsessed with me finishing college that dropping it isn't an option for me, not to mention my country has compulsory military service which i can't take in my current mental state. My college life has been a cycle of depression> attention loss in class> low grades> attendance drops. And i've been making my parents pay for my dumbass all along. I don't find my existence to be worth anything. Its painful for me and painful for everyone around me, the shorter i cut to the end the better for everyone.

Yet... I can't do it right now. Not because i have anything to lose, but because i have family and some friends that i'll leave behind who'd be unhappy about my passing and i don't find my decisions to be worth their sadness. Therefore i'm taking my life back. This term i'm quitting everything that stopped me from attending school like alcohol and video games and i'm going to try with everything to prove myself wrong, and that i'm worth something. Along with medication and attendance to therapy. To give me one final chance. That does also mean turning off reddit. If it doesn't work out by the end of this term i'm going to kill myself. Wish me luck, friends.",4.952344827586206,6.043054200000004,5.5677586206896565,80.97060344827587,69.06896551724138,9.110344827586207,34.1551724137931,9.3871,3.1517103448275856,1178,57,226,24,20,381,156,290,0.145,0.757,0.098,-0.8499,3,0,2,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,1,5,7,17,3,1,11,0,25,7,0,2,2,35,41,14,1,2,5,2,0,1,2,1,7,0,0,0,16,16,1,1,6,2,4,7,9,12,0,2,4,0,33,5,35,30,5,38,0,4,0,0,10,8,0,5,19,141,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451214881040915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568885283047725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235747672265453,0.0,0.0,0.10626529338353133,0.0,0.0,0.1763527737233901,0.09538737098088064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239273269611809,0.0,0.13063687119965595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476661390024724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376882135386007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796169768501606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477531070720809,0.19260135167533435,0.0,0.1010127058032422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475801486962244,0.19586868697086748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556965123363895,0.0,0.0,0.1027892870133962,0.12179310182635107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854703342130372,0.0,0.0,0.08734260766748968,0.0,0.11345775121297295,0.0,0.0,0.22705238796497254,0.052348710885203986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987489216858868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152432223360808,0.0,0.0,0.11671917400257803,0.0,0.10794365799817617,0.10798330428052738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243726053707846,0.0,0.14521698275753028,0.0,0.22803306769538226,0.0,0.2379576677805841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262132237209888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396859298525945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150662146019987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108442832253693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824903027265292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958328151140107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24169331871827995,0.0,0.09365495573279176,0.0,0.12253684549276912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274869650024872,0.11654984095829075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505171141350075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321870251206896,0.0,0.0,0.07800741977391974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715312146418624,0.0,0.0690019216370376
suicidewatch,pteotexz,2019/01/09,"I guess my hs teacher was right. Stick a needle in your eye
If you wake before you die
You'll have more leaves to rake.",-0.2493589743589765,1.8170538076923108,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,87.84615384615385,3.466666666666667,12.512820512820511,3.1291,-1.819779487179488,93,1,23,0,3,29,24,26,0.151,0.8490000000000001,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857807309808271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705219123524561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994333178396767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800487062589757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871717425779192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SnkrFrekr,2019/01/09,"For Me Next New Year   ...Wow, still kicking? 

Kidding. Kinda.

It has been about a year and two weeks since my last suicide attempt and my release from a psychiatric hospital. I'm not proud of making it this far, and I can't say I am to keen on even writing this, but this is for everyone. Even you. 

If you make it to the new year, 2020, I'm proud of you. You could finish this within a week, but I'm proud you've even decided to last that week. Your life is hell; the person you love doesn't love you; your medical conditions leave you in a constant state of anxiety (as if you weren't already always anxious); and maybe you aren't where you've wanted to be, but you've made it. You've lived, you've laughed, you've hurt and maybe even cried yourself hysterically to bed every now and then, but you've touched down into a point where every single day the day before you've looked at moving traffic and wondered, ""Wow, I wonder what happens if I headbutt that GT going 85mph."" I just wonder why you couldn't have picked a better car. Beggars can't be choosers. It's hard, but strength isn't about succeeding. It's about being. Waking up to see a new day when that day was as miserable as the last one. I am so proud of you. In case you don't make it, that's okay, but decipher a minor inconvenience from life altering complications before every moment you've looked in the mirror and sighed in agreement to yourself and have cried your good byes. Your flat tire isn't the ink that writes your suicide note even though you feel as if nothing in your life goes right. 

 If you just need to look back and remind yourself that you've did something you're proud of or you need to remember to keep your chin up, just look here. Something as small as even taking her hand when she's sick, donating your last dollar to somebody less fortunate than all of us even though we aren't fortunate ourselves, find happiness in the small things you've done. 

You're afraid now, you'll be afraid tomorrow, but the person that took a breath before you is also afraid. It hurts so much sometimes, but you know just as many suicide attempts you have under your belt, you've had days where even if your smiles were faked, you lived to see a new day and that inspires your every thought, every breath, every late night cramming session and every clockout from that 9-5. 

You hate who you are, you hate how you look, and you hate everything in you that bleeds, moves and functions. You hate the monotonous repetition, but you've stuck around. Maybe that cute person you like has stuck by you within moments like these, maybe she ran and you've contrmplated things you shouldn't. I could never promise you eternal happiness, you know you'd lie to yourself if you did. I can't promise things will ever be better; I don't know if they will. But, what I can promise, is that if you stop looking at the snail trail you've made of your shuffled feet, you can turn some of your worst days into days you reflect on to flourish into your best days. You never tell yourself this, and if I do now, I probably don't mean it. But I love you. I love you even though your mind tells you to hate. Within the new day, the new month and even possibly the next two new years, you'd realize you were here for yourself more than you know. I love you so much. We've got this. ",5.3374623059866995,5.729151595454546,5.187745750184779,86.54052106430157,67.89393939393939,8.1359940872136,27.764227642276424,7.8500785054351265,1.455315225424982,2623,77,544,28,41,811,268,660,0.155,0.705,0.14,-0.8931,0,0,2,0,0,3,84.0,2,60,1,12,39,46,6,4,23,1,49,17,5,7,4,90,98,57,3,17,27,0,4,2,0,4,7,1,1,4,34,22,0,2,16,0,3,6,17,14,1,3,17,13,84,31,64,67,9,89,1,3,8,5,82,30,1,16,55,341,118,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053005368639710684,0.03841179789850585,0.039967121916035166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036744946267633034,0.05426337094728842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042759358949945016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036934243977919716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261707746332952,0.0,0.050407440648472766,0.0849621835377711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051906372690179545,0.0,0.07670053490330109,0.0,0.1055235097529858,0.3097717032327728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049154211955080365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172519907923961,0.04344840066725659,0.2832878295189742,0.04589738098752657,0.04316876671326298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024286817478378957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390109197432678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027298136561830576,0.0402876181035072,0.03841620313035487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247522992449164,0.10226357784380544,0.04302793749732707,0.2371121366696508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284017176345216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042693743044292035,0.0,0.0,0.10559024187517999,0.15661251062793186,0.05418306953291053,0.05085978007236909,0.0,0.0,0.1017809219145208,0.046932781484374776,0.0,0.08482765188154168,0.0,0.24201263385542215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167573025045038,0.09089955821067268,0.09618676361207368,0.04869770125422335,0.1930215396763139,0.05232178019161135,0.0,0.04838797391364592,0.0,0.0,0.04849941656514276,0.0,0.03833930782076978,0.10210249008223844,0.07061924204208755,0.07123139751210641,0.07409168422120435,0.324732516829694,0.10216681578925606,0.045075511474966065,0.0,0.046088749164612974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03254825574656952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582111591409692,0.0,0.0,0.0454065039506219,0.05414974392352168,0.0,0.0,0.05178746229881952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054411777847882085,0.04101973283337162,0.0,0.03819759563083649,0.0,0.0,0.07655181583487536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973321309669319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739559635180696,0.04750564895844637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383590412392507,0.040157555981155606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576202003104592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611467382808242,0.0,0.0839655360754693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573253686222,0.0,0.1415758914264796,0.038132663084786855,0.0,0.05520661626384105,0.0,0.0,0.053366187444354514,0.0,0.05224587315750075,0.09384209590200264,0.0,0.057777521853713536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028330978931607024,0.0,0.1155869997388787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433421141546918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626850732556824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372614551272032
suicidewatch,throwaway2828192939,2019/01/09,"Can i just die already? I know that my girlfriend, friends and family would be sad but living is too much for me to handle. Im even getting a child soon but im way too young to be a dad,im just 16. ",-0.000333333333330188,1.2993822444444447,2.4330555555555557,97.65625000000004,82.1111111111111,5.3888888888888875,20.13888888888889,5.985473137389443,-0.24511111111111106,151,4,39,1,4,52,35,45,0.108,0.8420000000000001,0.049,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619473546522775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463560235112699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678283517111002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22377443474833786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833940335607652,0.0,0.12401775933893078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7692117377317946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304541655219045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960498513623216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744966983081688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841588782907354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862319168729206,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CorruptEcstasy,2019/01/09,"I don’t want to live anymore. I’m tired. My girlfriend is leaving me. I get too emotional and get aggressive, and though I would never abuse her or best her or anything like that, I make her feel like shit. She’s hurt me so much during the relationship that now I guess I feel like she deserves to feel the same pain I do, and so whenever a fight comes up, and spirals out of control, I hurt her, just trying to get her to realize how she’s hurt me. I don’t feel like she cares about me. I don’t feel like I really matter to her. If I’m being honest, I guess I test her to see if she cares. I told her I wanted to die tonight, and she got mad at me and went off about how selfish I was for saying that and how I don’t even consider how that would make her feel, and then she stopped responding to me and went to sleep. I wasn’t saying that to hurt her, I was saying it because I need someone to help me. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I’m never going to be good enough, not even for myself. I’ve spent the last 8-9 years wanting to die, and I’m only a freshman in college. Sometimes I feel like my life is amazing, and that I have it all, but sometimes I feel like everything is crumbling down and I can’t fix any of it. I feel so helpless every day. I’m not in control of my life, and I’m not sure I even want to be. I cut my arm tonight and downed some painkillers and if I had sleeping pills I would have downed those too. I want them so badly, I want to end it so badly. I’m tired of living. I’m tired of being a burden on everyone around me. I’m tired of hating myself and everyone else being disappointed in me. I’m tired of being a piece of shit to the people I love. I want to die, I’m dreading going to sleep because I don’t want to wake up in the morning. 

Life fucking sucks. If I don’t want it anymore, I shouldn’t be forced to into it...just let me go",1.9572601626016244,2.699798173170734,3.813658536585368,92.06235772357724,75.8048780487805,6.637398373983741,23.666666666666664,6.742157984588678,0.5218227642276418,1441,41,345,12,30,489,158,410,0.225,0.654,0.12,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,2,2,46.0,0,0,1,3,20,38,9,1,9,0,29,19,7,8,4,75,85,34,4,18,11,0,11,9,1,4,10,3,0,0,12,20,0,3,12,0,1,6,14,21,0,0,9,15,72,17,47,64,7,32,0,6,1,2,28,15,4,9,20,222,84,2,0.0,0.07097522960928768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073607695463583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881530898033547,0.0,0.0,0.04929504411157791,0.05332634764866535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003296344649837,0.07303259475222469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628644762248799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215015005558527,0.0,0.0,0.051601108529779435,0.0,0.0,0.13437255955250368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038632463030251474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865094908270716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004124877769703,0.0673827838143979,0.05305625543685605,0.061895785936712085,0.0,0.11869604948730116,0.0,0.05047083977651663,0.11447971881754472,0.05383693109175002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331761827890364,0.3423575767429611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537933484390006,0.09389049562557232,0.0,0.1021327229550614,0.050243773098638825,0.04790988110624339,0.0,0.13197976030012887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059141785762342025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040151701239029114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25650949342463697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882891952175845,0.0,0.06342860089761247,0.0,0.061254850178608225,0.12693372771020872,0.26339010858838524,0.0,0.10579084826202403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054064773432516366,0.0,0.07997140152922445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403557892706022,0.04441729671014803,0.0924017339754846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045558911588652606,0.06374098855158178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152918016712808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837537949436708,0.0,0.0,0.06431337676234808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291174942572984,0.0,0.0,0.0477349151694008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297908539562645,0.0,0.0,0.17983870772740687,0.0,0.05075559606844925,0.0,0.11849114738128345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008156912452024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056457844729538575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885436849599807,0.0,0.0,0.34424828665442797,0.0,0.057239859408772374,0.0,0.04067018768487807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179909385807688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106131537307996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276600635737807,0.0,0.0,0.03857555170883335
suicidewatch,tigergait,2019/01/09,My insecurities are killing me Bf is still friends with his ex. I expressed that it made me uncomfortable and he respected it. I started comparing myself to them in my head and instead I just told him to go hang out with her. I just feel so worthless compared to her & I don't even know what to do anymore. I just feel like I don't want to wake up ,2.3964840182648395,3.91748839726028,3.8645890410958894,89.02555936073061,75.98630136986301,7.0584474885844735,28.605022831050228,7.793537801064563,1.5743351598173518,275,12,62,4,6,91,51,73,0.18600000000000005,0.705,0.109,-0.7239,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,1,0,0,5,2,2,1,0,13,13,3,1,1,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,2,17,3,10,11,0,7,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,0,3,45,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243413839515236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29687090335168953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977152817426016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027167740303383,0.21385292002607065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312740611930223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012529213417024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072154691085057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33118211770635825,0.0,0.16451279288647605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624538826328973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832485261481285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187871662097169,0.0,0.23905818926625644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28603803527066296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656209083245414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KitKatKiller17,2019/01/09,"Why? Do you ever ask yourself the question of ""should I get help""? I know I need it. Maybe more now than I have before. For sure more now than like 15 minutes ago. Next question ""why now?"" I always thing why does this happen why can't I fall asleep and just wake up in the morning....oh wait that's another question. In full of questions. I never know the answer too. I'm tired of it. I don't know what I'm doing I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know why i have to resort in the dumbest ways to ""fix it"" fix what? Oh never mind probably just a quick fix that only lasts for a second....why? See I'm full of questions and again I don't know why. I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm feeling so many things at once and I don't know why.",-1.4661818181818165,0.4951669575757585,1.0659090909090914,100.77886363636364,94.57575757575758,3.4848484848484853,15.984848484848484,4.851557810540192,-1.0605151515151512,568,14,140,2,22,192,84,165,0.101,0.8540000000000001,0.044,-0.8554,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,1,6,0,11,3,2,1,4,29,32,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,14,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,0,2,14,2,17,31,4,20,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,5,12,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789140066078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407472597879733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334895535361562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322500291011556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757524850258898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177937209330736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790510941901332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052689859443603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045012982255452215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651113109774813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872323216450544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059670609714540475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530155259858496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34247510832526085,0.0725660758985068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043492410276395416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025590793808597,0.08943612258074563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988840877113838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660098350699492,0.13732090135295252,0.0,0.09467755646271672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480717642468504,0.0,0.06770642210754507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598244494516024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986337557104715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912810485767864,0.0,0.07094024424701784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390364328836306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828658316072778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231947600710099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706627510965334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.642639264562594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040773736946583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whenidiewouldyoucry,2019/01/09,"I'm so ugly and unlikably, people dislike me before even getting to know me I can't make any friends at all, I'm not even shy, people just don't like me. I'm not mean to anyone, I'm polite to people but no one wants to be my friend. It's cause I'm so fucking ugly that people won't even look me in the eye 90% of the time. I just want to die, why the fuck would god have made me this way.",0.5939047619047599,1.3668030888888898,3.059841269841268,96.025,79.2222222222222,5.587301587301588,18.41269841269841,5.288315135182226,-0.587396825396826,298,5,77,1,7,104,59,90,0.247,0.657,0.096,-0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,3,0,6,3,1,3,1,15,21,4,1,3,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,2,8,3,8,17,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,2,2,0,2,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538217161578075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892016002028098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568906076522842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940519614294485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135343684742112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36533632002672173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848972646902488,0.3409057417629155,0.09632898007275696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132836440484604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900769218883586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482961252465954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744612645077314,0.12307257768166907,0.0,0.0,0.20083978653379947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249381177828616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112931027281916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751127330474083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174997769601804,0.14634928417369125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637088651940582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097559703089115,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12939883838,2019/01/09,literally the only goal i have left is to reach grand champ in 2v2s other than that i can kill my self. my friends won’t realize since i go to a different school than them and they wouldn’t even realize i’m gone.,3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,4.944444444444446,86.33000000000004,71.44444444444444,9.555555555555557,26.11111111111111,9.725611199111238,1.9601111111111105,169,5,39,4,3,56,37,45,0.098,0.688,0.215,0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,2,1,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,23,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642454410491557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026764449974235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693516294513703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813516661077116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857088105306921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787888598725582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26514976621728464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528334251140749,0.0,0.0,0.3636984145978828,0.0,0.0,0.28839136250429304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontPayAttentionToTh,2019/01/09,"Fuck this shit. If I knew life was gonna be this way, I would’ve never been wanted to been born. ",-0.08727272727272606,1.2871239090909121,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,82.63636363636364,4.4,11.0,3.1291,-2.0085272727272727,74,0,20,0,2,24,19,22,0.307,0.693,0.0,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,4,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365508019222713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33353609114946176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641976847474663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847170745229859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785218622569141,0.374818546829916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33544464003688235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ell6679,2019/01/09,"I plan on killing myself because i'm ugly as fuck. I'm an 18 year old hideous girl who doesn't deserve to be alive because of how ugly i am. I haven't even had my first kiss yet and boys wouldn't even come near me with a stick. I'm half asian and i hate it so much because i have no idea what i look like, i feel like a complete alien. I just hate myself so much i don't see any other way out of this mess other than to kill myself. Plastic surgery won't even do shit. I don't know what to do i feel completely alone and lost. I would be doing everyone on this planet a favor by just killing myself because no one would ever have to see me. ",1.0380046948356814,2.361155781690144,2.7362676056338024,96.52134976525824,79.21126760563381,5.2967136150234735,20.98826291079812,5.46131890053228,-0.222945539906104,499,13,121,2,12,165,82,142,0.273,0.626,0.101,-0.982,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,7,0,4,0,17,3,1,1,1,17,31,7,3,3,2,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,3,2,5,19,4,14,23,2,11,0,1,3,2,3,4,2,0,7,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486984511116882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512080058567653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410696071404745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049119899117887,0.2933156486883249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771612805563569,0.1265262810695564,0.0,0.13365796756612766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414514986679449,0.09992778275700118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897885945111072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293135485805427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27619812364579377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790351614014342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642577904542531,0.0,0.07687245339602186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667316196389298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746101146538185,0.0,0.15269169749296005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056506092356561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677683232600844,0.0,0.0947839205049913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292688379684697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358119304361525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102743632803763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872847130041693,0.0,0.0,0.09007586483265452
suicidewatch,lianzard,2019/01/09,"I dont feel like a real person anymore I (18F) recently got out of an abusive relationship (sexual, emotional, mental) and I haven't been able to get my life moving in a positive direction.

 I'm constantly tired and I physically can't sleep when it's dark outside. I lay in bed for hours, rolling around, staring at the ceiling, knitting, listening to asmr, listening to lo-fi hip-hop, listening to rain recordings on YouTube.

 I have anxiety attacks over nothing. I don't know who I am. I used to be outgoing and loving and caring and I feel like a husk of who I used to be. A friend of mine (super sweet guy) was flirting with me last night and I honestly didn't understand why. 

I don't see what people see in me. I don't feel of worth. It feels like my life is a constant struggle. My chest burns and it hurts to breathe more often than not. When I finally get a break from the clippling anxiety I'm either productive or overwhelmingly depressed.

I often feel guilty and ashamed of myself. I've turned to pornography to numb myself and it's not even working anymore. I like someone but thinking of him that way makes me ashamed and guilty and disgusting. He likes me too. He's actually the guy who flirted with me last night. Like I said. Really sweet guy. 

I'm religious but I feel like I'm at my wit's end and willing to be reckless just to feel like a person again. 

I don't know what to do. I feel alone because I isolate myself from everyone because I feel like a burden. I need to get a job. I need to get a license. I feel useless and a burden to my parents. 

I don't know what to do anymore.",1.8881753095975249,4.077401396284831,3.763280766253872,86.05981279024769,79.92879256965944,7.133475232198143,27.431211300309602,8.17850203761792,1.997690479876161,1253,56,253,25,32,422,159,323,0.22,0.6920000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9879,2,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,2,9,30,2,4,15,0,20,8,3,3,0,47,58,18,0,2,7,1,10,9,1,1,4,4,1,5,11,17,0,0,15,0,1,1,11,12,0,0,5,19,42,18,37,49,2,25,0,4,3,1,19,9,0,3,22,153,53,2,0.08067389160467905,0.09558536965916586,0.07872608085739648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355382172973208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343061252685572,0.0,0.24002046825151566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181686738641922,0.0,0.0917781981614564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835611106844457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225240912399832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435963379920924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694843046264987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454920013289073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074726964631123,0.07145312268210514,0.0,0.0,0.05328434455129805,0.0,0.0,0.07708736063194402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407911435745496,0.3458006656907307,0.0,0.0883743049442574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062328448533534336,0.0,0.16859511468544294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452228081651319,0.0,0.0,0.2396395086594069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944753271265631,0.0,0.08636306949992191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800563892319589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300878306419542,0.13151997811738492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396471090160452,0.3547186959814235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281133689224274,0.0,0.05385044908915808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130030803570842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574357953592204,0.0,0.11963733681940145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141396454339587,0.0,0.07740877478157811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957880951559717,0.0,0.0,0.05592911864842472,0.14088266082429346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182455040868903,0.05168176073501349,0.0,0.07965573538881952,0.08661356822231131,0.0,0.0,0.07673934505133874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857329344994542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073215332438287,0.0,0.06835472655997116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433786768499489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169257227130731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272277079070444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775002797474671,0.0,0.08398436627806724,0.0,0.13935268027934056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403518009523182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279563915208198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058731553909618074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontreallyknowwhyw,2019/01/09,I wish I lived in the US It would be so easy. Just point a gun to my head and fire.,-4.248571428571426,-2.947991095238091,-1.0599999999999987,115.13000000000002,102.8095238095238,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.9746,61,0,21,0,3,21,20,21,0.19,0.555,0.255,0.3902,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189612500739192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604741352345629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859088370967111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49104983491227394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694437881877776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899945302563389,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway71839297579,2019/01/09,"Does anybody else worry about what will be found about you after you die? People say that writing things down will help you because it’s a form of catharsis or what not. I’m 27 and have yet to muster the courage to write my feelings down on paper or phone or laptop because I worry that if I ever follow through with committing suicide, my boyfriend or family will find my journals and will know my deepest and darkest secrets. 

I make sure to discard of any information that may be discovered about me in the event of my death either by my own hand or accidental. Although I don’t have much too hide, but I just don’t want anyone knowing anything personal about me. 

Idk maybe it’s just me. ",7.471523809523809,6.7070981629629625,7.140317460317463,78.22000000000003,63.66666666666667,9.492063492063492,36.32275132275132,8.418075326091056,2.9001640211640214,552,23,104,6,7,174,91,135,0.14,0.785,0.075,-0.7876,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,3,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,11,1,1,1,3,30,19,11,3,2,11,0,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,17,2,18,11,4,9,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,7,4,78,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438336896081952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484575262241937,0.0,0.17471943971992765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588538922395292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035233174079716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580071732630168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736425855578514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205358460425948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015430423814815,0.0,0.10735424742267223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405460160159027,0.0,0.0,0.23279548349754398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423121303716901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333685951603009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417237647376578,0.0,0.2133017443183259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607799559857902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471944131828933,0.18538769328756927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884361798142467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224118733004145,0.0,0.20010699202565133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410544967155686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523052576394045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312380171304915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,problems67,2019/01/09,"Can anyone else relate Does anyone else feel like they could very easily explain why they're so depressed and suicidal, but just don't have the will power to write an entire fucking book? Even if there's a chance for help, who would even read it anyway? ",10.428979591836736,7.4709315918367345,8.895612244897956,74.92260204081633,59.61224489795919,11.432653061224489,32.66326530612245,8.841846274778883,2.53405306122449,204,4,38,2,2,62,45,49,0.101,0.715,0.184,0.5429,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,9,4,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,23,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179778927800392,0.465954081907885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154392954449106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584152319038506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898122404119967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798925835857798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30036386649389823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496984438800778,0.16243987150083952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102085689804742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524076026441751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108607763776657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274409078837962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24871613195419856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761179812590964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517452005592215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615237847321109,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crownedwaste,2019/01/09,"i'm 16 life has been hard since i was 9. i used to cry myself to sleep every night. i've always wanted to kill myself.all that i have right now is my girlfriend, but i dont want to depend on her for being alive. any advice? thanks",-0.4015333333333295,1.6985889800000038,1.5839999999999996,98.54866666666668,89.2,3.333333333333334,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.6442666666666668,179,2,41,0,6,59,42,50,0.14400000000000002,0.716,0.14,0.4247,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,2,0,5,12,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,6,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25926453303616764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076485445273186,0.0,0.0,0.1804245407075532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29143807653826603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109493456911464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235408700730624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376717637801071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935337595172476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740112151624155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24898186942404926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22657912090027166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194728213019403,0.0,0.26550843600126245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442680881945953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291485527760417,0.0,0.0,0.3129814777996452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsnotthot,2019/01/09,"I just turned 24 and feel like shit Im 24 and feel like shit. Im still in college. I feel old. On top of that i have no friends, virgin and only 180 cm or 5'11"" and i feel like a kid in a 24 yo body. I cant sleep at nights. I feel mentally incapable and want to end my life for the first time ever.",-1.3580000000000003,0.05599120000000113,1.4585714285714282,102.41642857142858,87.0,5.142857142857143,15.714285714285715,6.18269132825596,-0.8987142857142856,224,4,64,2,7,78,47,70,0.161,0.6559999999999999,0.183,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,2,0,3,0,2,6,4,0,1,14,9,6,0,1,2,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,7,4,7,9,0,12,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,10,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911818076879084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524434759372014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568855795839484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351344966141776,0.3688785981672371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640157680201474,0.0,0.0,0.1329762085626039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718291101748945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157045075071178,0.2522611980440062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345220315798007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151898051481622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060653623396256,0.0,0.0,0.13090179066171576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35334870678159797,0.0,0.0,0.17224005908626613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374518675829231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036208327479708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187212521663622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151833410833973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tawaydepressiveguy,2019/01/09,"Every year. Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

You should go kill yourself,

No one will ever miss you.",1.807142857142857,4.611817333333338,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,89.95238095238096,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.031742857142857066,88,3,14,0,3,28,15,21,0.266,0.502,0.232,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105936726897266,0.2893001683683148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951424761812762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7310377306669414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798829539420196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326732891595258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111606729117028
suicidewatch,scared-of-girls,2019/01/09,"I want to end it all I'm 16, going to be 17 this year. I grew up in a toxic family and with toxic friends. I was always feeling a strange discontent kind of sense growing up but I never knew what I was feeling until I eventually discovered what it means to be in a toxic relationship with someone, and I discovered that the feeling I knew so well was hatred and anger. Now I'm realizing everyone I have associated with in my life is toxic because of my new knowledge and I have nobody I can rely on. I feel alone and scared. On top of that I feel alienated from everyone else because of my past. I'll elaborate more.

​

My narcissistic parents passed down their traits to me. I used to bully kids in elementary school who weren't like me even if they did nothing wrong to me in the first place and I had no mercy while doing so. I would make harass them in every way possible. No matter what they did. If I didn't like you, I would harass you for something as small as walking in an area I hang out in. I think about it every day and people still remember what I did to them. 

​

On top of that, my parents were also racist, and it got passed down to me for a very long time too. All throughout elementary school I would insult kids based on their race, and now looking back, I remember perfectly the look of horror on their faces, because they just experienced one of the worst things they can experience socially, and didn't know what to do about it. I remember calling an Asian kid a chink because I didn't like him and he just made this face that was a mix of sadness and fear. I remember that perfectly. I've been discriminatory to probably every race / culture, since growing up in America multiculturalism is everywhere. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve year old kids exposed to this, all because of me. It was probably the very first ever time they felt it, all because of me. And one of the very few times they will ever experience it. The fact that I contributed to those very few moments makes me sick on the inside.  Things like the ones listed made me grow a hatred for myself. People still remember what I did to them and are weary of me now. I try to tell them I am different now but they don't believe me. My parents did this to me. I'm no longer racist or narcissistic and I try to help people all I can now but a lot of people don't think I'm reliable or that I would be able to help them.

​

I have always wanted to be the funny guy but it's because of my hatred for myself. I want other people to at least have happiness from me being funny or quirky. But on the inside I just want to end it all. Every night I think about killing myself. I think about how the news will travel around and nobody will care.

​

I have no drive to go to college. The only thing I want in my life is a music career come 2020 because that's when I graduate high school. It's 2019 but I don't think I'm going to make it that far. My parents tell me I will never make it and that I should focus on going to college and becoming a doctor instead. But if I go down that path I know for sure I will end up committing suicide. I'm constantly trapped in the life I have created through my own actions and I'm still knee-deep in the narcissism that surrounds me. I see everyone else with happy, healthy relationships with their parents and friends and I know that I have not experienced anything similar to that in my whole life. I just hate myself, my past, and the people around me. Help me.

​

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suicidewatch,stupendously-stupid,2019/01/09,"Wasting my life, don't want to see where it goes I'm pretty worthless. I keep wasting time by missing semesters of school. I could have graduated with my bachelor's already if I just could have stuck with it. What have I been doing in the mean time? Fucking off. Tried working a few jobs in a trade, those were nice money but it fucking sucked working so I have given up on them. Majority of my adult life has been being a bum, living with my family. I have been wasting my life. I dont want to live to see where I end up. I don't want to see the deaths of my loved ones. I'm sorry if it's selfish but I want to die first to avoid their deaths. I want to use an exit bag but I'm not sure how to get my hands on one and I can't even afford it.",-0.04974738361602249,1.819139030674848,2.1211909058101766,96.93238902923136,85.0736196319018,4.816889209671599,18.790689281847712,5.900188976854957,-0.39196975821003255,574,15,139,4,17,193,90,163,0.235,0.7090000000000001,0.056,-0.972,2,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,3,6,10,3,1,6,0,18,7,1,2,1,24,40,8,3,9,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,5,7,0,3,6,4,21,3,22,31,2,14,0,2,3,3,4,10,3,2,4,91,28,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722253531215916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275062482682428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478645152087127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697733420848224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618881946711588,0.0,0.0,0.09410209494862694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431089623287826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211874895346846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263428047429499,0.07443627965964028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138250182466608,0.12663657843821935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30189875102238695,0.0,0.0,0.2516125976605608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858747527566947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519490091061736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308682949637704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449462950758903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419031620037734,0.3405976850227493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948689659310586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342791479989974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615434317338906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672983758849514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305095672489327,0.0,0.0,0.4201714326127301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744413050488192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10281902,2019/01/09,"Learning to swim while actively drowning. (Crosspost) I am currently laying here in my bed crying my eyes out. My abuser is in the room down the hall, conveniently, willfully ignorant of the pain she’s caused me over the last 23 years that I have lived with her. She denies she abuses me, then says it’s my fault because I just won’t listen to her, then she says I don’t know what abuse is, then says that’s just the way she is, then dares me to try to stop the abuse. She is the reason for so much of my pain. In my 31st year of life, I am no further along in life than I was at the age of 18. I’m in the same place physically, mentally and emotionally. I have no job, no car, no skills, no education (except a HS diploma) no friends and no life. I’ve tried so hard to be a better person, to improve in life and be the person everyone wants me to be. I thought I would be further along in life, but fate has dealt me a cruel hand. I was given a genetic predisposition to mental illness, then placed in a family of abusive, neglectful monsters who taught me that as long as you are bigger, older, louder and meaner than someone, you can have total control over them. You can isolate them from others and make them completely dependent on you so that when they displease you, you can punish them by denying them basic human rights. You can condition them to believe that you know what’s best for them and that any decision they could make for themselves is the wrong one. You can strip them of any shred of self-confidence or self-worth. You can treat them so badly that by the time they are 30, they will have lost the will to fight. They will have lost the will to even live. I’ve been getting mental health help for nearly four years, but I feel like it hasn’t helped in any truly significant way. I haven’t truly learned coping skills and have been riding a roller coaster that I have no control over. I never feel safe or like I can relax. Ever. Therapy hasn’t worked, my caseworkers have been largely useless, being hospitalized is a waste of time. They only care about getting you stable for a few days, then sending you back to your normal life. I feel like I’m trying to learn to swim while actively drowning. Everything that is good is life is not enough to overcome what is bad in life. I’ve made a valiant effort to fight, but I don’t have it in me anymore. I’m out of options and currently contemplating throwing myself off of a highway overpass ten minutes walk from my house. I hate the hell that is my life. I hate the abuser that I have tried so hard to get away from but who has made me into a depressed ball of anxiety and depression. I know I will never get better until I can leave her and I will never be able to leave her. So the only thing to do is end it. If someone has any answers, I’m all ears, but if not, I’m writing out my suicide note, telling my mother that I hope she thinks about my mangled dead body every day and the fact that her decades of abuse and complete unwillingness to change has caused my death at age 30. I hope my death ruins her life the way she ruined mine. I hate her and I hate life. 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suicidewatch,Tryphenatheweiner,2019/01/09,"I dont want to be here anymore I feel like I have two choices.

1. Die and let everyone around me get on with their damn lives.

2. Live and be miserable for the rest of my life.

I lean more towards 2 because I have had family members commit suicide and watching my family go through that was horrible and I cant do that to them again. 

But also, I'm fucking miserable and I dont know if I can live like this. And keep putting my boyfriend through it all with me.",0.043522336769761694,2.3004243402061846,2.0387886597938127,94.84278780068732,89.10309278350515,5.707560137457046,24.578178694158076,7.1686216300943375,1.0822034364261173,359,16,81,6,12,119,66,97,0.215,0.716,0.07,-0.9434,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,2,2,1,0,12,2,0,0,2,17,20,9,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,2,2,15,2,11,15,3,6,0,2,1,1,2,3,2,1,3,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561409938863062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805803728394404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209513442674914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099792865893417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889765086148452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268068453339615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399096533972724,0.0,0.0,0.3433089298428852,0.0,0.09206814696553864,0.13008226671969367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833556247144565,0.09513241378096488,0.0,0.10348366355935217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184639311470556,0.0,0.0,0.10006969743715176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861952601631135,0.1286127187510445,0.17791603313409252,0.0,0.4823557920129317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304671114499302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917251790111995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787155284448625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739903382873668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Plugged-A-Pill,2019/01/09,"Hi Well I don't really know why im here, It might be because I want attention, maybe I want help idk. Either way im so confused. The world is such a beautiful place and I fucking love it. But I still want to die. I see beautiful countries like Vietnam or new Zealand, but after I look at them and see them for their beauty I get an overwhelming sense of lonelyness and depression. I have been deep in drugs that can make you trip lately. I dont really beileive all the bullshit about other spirits. But the human mind and what it can do I simply amazing. Which makes me wanna see whats after death even more. At this point im just rambling on which I guess is good. I havent been on my meds lately either. Could explain why im so sad. But I havr no motivation to take my pills. Welp ig thats the end of this post just wanted to talk about my problems for a bit. Thank you for reading.",0.8836956521739125,3.0965399782608722,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,84.0,5.6365217391304325,20.61304347826087,6.961326702584282,0.4242182608695653,692,21,150,9,20,228,116,184,0.161,0.66,0.179,-0.304,0,2,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,3,1,11,12,1,2,7,0,14,4,0,3,1,31,32,11,2,7,9,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,12,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,4,23,6,18,27,5,19,1,3,4,2,11,9,1,4,8,97,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311719496673634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094858126147846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576610802085593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330822138684116,0.0,0.1244836943487648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057433188375593,0.0,0.13909780847692518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062354305264061,0.0,0.0,0.07922236385537537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088697140358064,0.06266617161345718,0.0,0.0,0.10060394994813547,0.0,0.0,0.13213264431130864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039642512224479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182435700685925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591848754454765,0.0,0.2706057628584769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859893711325893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072336551250796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082548030316918,0.0,0.16012807917378133,0.0,0.12050060434583905,0.0,0.1332315569667821,0.0,0.0,0.1272424052928239,0.1211099863014398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584336899644325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531671536462946,0.0,0.11338654072404725,0.0,0.11487389688256425,0.0,0.0,0.11477090904750377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997719013470652,0.0,0.15367933257371558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867412648560221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578801742454203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018351069698388,0.09640703166315487,0.0,0.1104289935782145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28298604093141483,0.0952065448072658,0.0,0.0,0.10784471830001706,0.0,0.21646292773438489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-paranomad-,2019/01/09,"I'm ready to give up this fight now Another one ruined by doctors and just wanting to die now.

They removed my colon. The give me medicines that put me in hospital. They refuse to prescribe treatments that might work. 

I can neither work nor play. I can't keep or make friends. My life is just resting, and eating so as not to starve, relying on a live-in helper. 

I can't go a night without shitting myself, and a day getting dressed is hard. I have no life left.

The day I have the energy to go out and buy some heroin, that will be the end. 

I have lost all hope by now. Every solution is as bad as the disease.",1.5011904761904766,3.4541338015873038,2.7399206349206366,94.12035714285715,80.03174603174604,5.787301587301588,24.785714285714285,6.816661863887847,0.7763142857142862,473,18,105,5,12,152,84,126,0.175,0.6709999999999999,0.154,-0.6118,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,2,3,6,9,2,0,8,0,12,6,2,1,1,18,23,10,1,2,5,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,4,5,1,2,0,1,1,4,7,5,0,1,1,1,13,4,15,19,4,16,0,2,0,0,8,5,1,4,7,71,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122860897046726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226955101504658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352243739482136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926905325211416,0.0,0.0,0.18666123894897652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660785561534568,0.0,0.0,0.16152380006677675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365279298624154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089696127338486,0.0,0.09527968328914913,0.3498877501700712,0.2072877224000135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336578768277946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113244025985206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209693904083194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981432205513688,0.0,0.25762363473232663,0.0,0.0,0.161034167252027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907606912494974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173196699717766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934634869995208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113988877039338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235771860565986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833300761733116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187197994263646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756529264907773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579611549168275,0.0,0.2655319576028578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KnightRider117,2019/01/09,"I hate when people call suicide selfish... I guess I agree that it is sad that you take yourself away from people in your life without their consent, which is likely to greatly hurt them. However, in the end, it is your life. What is so wrong if you weighed all the pros and cons, understanding the consequences, and still choose to be done? Moreover, I almost feel like it's selfish of your family and friends to ""make you"" stay alive if you really are in that much misery and know you can't fix the root cause of your pain.

Of course, no one is going to be happy that you're dead, but shouldn't people understand that you were in a lot of emotional (or maybe physical) pain and now you're free of it, so they should be... ""happy"" for you. Yeah, everyone will keep saying that there could've been other ways to make it easier, other solutions to the problem, time would heal whatever is wrong, but those are just excuses. What's wrong with wanting to be completely done with the pain right here right now?  


​",8.678102564102566,6.895788707692307,7.8066666666666675,77.68333333333334,61.92307692307693,11.53846153846154,33.97435897435898,10.25414643259724,3.083666666666667,798,24,158,14,9,247,118,195,0.209,0.684,0.107,-0.9762,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,11,3,0,9,19,1,0,7,1,21,7,0,4,1,33,33,13,2,7,7,0,1,2,1,4,6,1,0,0,17,7,1,1,5,0,1,1,4,12,0,1,4,2,18,8,22,21,3,16,0,2,0,0,18,7,0,6,8,109,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133920404144697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269391064708647,0.13759722052742712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063913358000268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562921004304395,0.0,0.0,0.11632717344595793,0.0,0.0,0.11872845460854492,0.0,0.0,0.09041175978860996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317646837526749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737811587179795,0.10029573535244043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820427758430064,0.0,0.0,0.10675121742487073,0.0,0.05725680819966503,0.08089763551486501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748781500928225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435607179575678,0.0,0.0,0.12484588998249165,0.12474501830132018,0.0,0.0,0.2410890627241251,0.0,0.11179961428205304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122419899442514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065161724005237,0.0,0.0,0.062232940073206226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996745915441013,0.11064526136946116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627135715563977,0.0,0.0,0.15117520936027326,0.0,0.11376333360154604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324335620361012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673336525767659,0.0,0.3614813710221693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355160364683049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083539894642423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254350828428127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341018866162485,0.0,0.09005183197305214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069721664263107,0.09043244422263486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386458326762367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514128927797235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603030324298856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577062716888075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679102472935641,0.08988348213486387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915791151552688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044140975679295,0.3714257006178789,0.13759722052742712,0.0
suicidewatch,PusheenPumpernickle,2019/01/09,"I don't really see what's so about killing myself. I'm 17, Junior in highschool who used to be a straight A student - now I'm struggling to keep a 3.5 GPA in otherwise manageable classes. I'm transgender, MtF, and my friends, family, and teachers all respect and accept me. I've been seeing a therapist and my school counselor for over a year now, and things have improved alot. In September of last year, I went to Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP) for expressing suicidal thoughts. That ran for 3 weeks; 4 days a week going to a group therapy setting with individualized psychiatric and psychologic care for 3 hours. I've accumulated hundreds of hours of therapy and all I've ever heard was don't kill yourself, but why shouldn't I?

Honestly, I feel like I've done enough with my life already. I lost my virginity a couple years ago, I have amazing friends, I went to a national mental health conference in Washington DC last year and spoke about my mental illness infront of a large audience. In my opinion, people hold on to life too much. It's something so fragile and fleeting it doesn't make sense to attempt prolonging it - just let us die.

I wish everyone could respect my desicion to kill myself without being sad over my death. I've battled depression and have accepted I've lost, and I don't see any point in attempting to get better. I want to go without the guilt that I'm hurting loved ones; if they truly loved me why can't they let me kill myself?

I don't want to get better, I've tried and it hasn't worked greatly, and I've lost hope in treatment. I've never really seen myself growing old, I've always accepted that I'd die young and that'd be that. I'm on antidepressants, and I'm currently numb to all emotion and spend my days sleeping after school. There's nothing else to do; I don't want to do homework if I'm just going to kill myself. That's another reason why I've stopped caring about schoolwork, I don't want to put effort into something that will be meaningless after I die. I have vague plans for college but would rather kill myself before going.

Currently, I have several plans such as overdosing on pills, potentially electrocuting myself in the bath tub, but most prominently is jumping off a bridge. There's a beautiful overpass a short drive from my house that I'd love to jump off of into the traffic below. It'd be a good way to go, and on the bright side a funeral home is a short drive away from it. 

In June I'll be going to Paris and Madrid with friends, it'll be my first time out of the United States. I've been looking forward to this trip for two years now, but honestly I don't care if I go or not. I don't know if it's worth waiting until then or if I might as well get it over with and kill myself.

I want to be a guidance counselor when I grow up. I've been told that I could help alot of others with my empathy and experience, but I don't even want to help myself. Out of the 7 billion people on Earth, surely one person can replace my position there. I feel meaningless, like whatever I do will be lost.

Reasons not to kill myself; everyone around me would be upset. Reasons to kill myself; my life has been going to shit for years and I want to die as soon as possible because I see no point in continuing a meaningless existence. As I said previously, I wish loved ones can accept my desicion and be ok with my choices. But apparently suicide is taboo, as if everyone should be trying their hardest not to die. I really don't get it.

I don't believe in an after life, but I loosely believe in reincarnation. If I die that would be the end to my life, but eventually I'd become another life form. Whether or not I ""live"" again after suicide, that's not a determining factor. I'm content knowing this may be my one shot at life, and I can see that it's going no where.

Will I miss somethings? Of course - aimlessly watching YouTube videos, music, not seeing how some of my shows will end; but all those are just trivial things that don't matter in the long run. What matters is my determination to keep living, and right now it's very low. God, I just wish I had a gun in my house to pull the trigger and get it over with, but unfortunately I can't be that lucky. 

I should mention I'm in the US, and out of all the school shootings there are I couldn't have been one of the ones killed. I have a passive death wish, not caring if I make it to the end of the day, being ok with that fact anything can kill me at anything. Sometimes while driving I think of taking off my seat belt and flooring it into a tree, into another car, anything that would kill me on impact. Or wishing someone would hit me and kill me.

There's the subreddit r/watchpeopledie, and I've been looking at the suicide videos alot on there. Just people falling off buildings or leaping under buses or trains - it seems nice. Those last moments of life, that you no longer need to battle with the thought of suicide, and finally giving in. I've given in, but I haven't committed to fully killing myself.

When will I kill myself? Probably in the upcoming months. I'm going to see my guidance counselor tomorrow and talk with her, probably read what I wrote here. My therapist has been on vacation and returns at the end of January, and I'll probably read this to her as well. I'd prefer to kill myself before AP testing in highschool, so around March or April would be nice. One of my favorite teachers will go on maternity leave then and I don't want her knowing that one of students killed themselves while she's busy caring for her first child.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I don't want to sound like an asshole but anything said probably won't change my mind regarding killing myself, so please spare me from the ""you're so young you have a whole life ahead of you"". I'll be surprised if anyone gets through my wall of text anyways and still wants to comment! Oh well, hope everyone has a nice day… not really sure how to end this. Salutations and I wish everyone here the best in their futures.

-Jae
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suicidewatch,dooniedorko,2019/01/09,"I think it’s time to give up soon I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, everything is falling apart even more. 
I am giving up. ",-0.27833333333333243,1.6086087857142848,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,86.14285714285714,5.161904761904762,20.047619047619047,6.42735559955562,0.08017619047619108,98,3,23,1,3,34,24,28,0.066,0.8240000000000001,0.11,0.2682,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758855760112706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503388568060741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406383575949929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7271802321642317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082992479801877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24286044159380005,0.0,0.0,0.22100936406409544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canttossstupid,2019/01/09,"I don't even know what to title this I went driving 20+ minutes away tonight, looking for a bridge that my brother had showed me in the daylight. It's a very pretty iconic bridge that civilians can't drive on, but I thought I saw a way to climb up to it as we drove around it. A couple of days later, I have a few drinks, and I make up my mind to go and find it with all intents to jump off. At this point it's almost midnight. I wait awhile for the drinks to wear off, cause I know I would have to drive, and then I go there with all intents to jump off of it tonight. I can't find the spot in the dark that I saw before to climb up. I give up and drive home and now I feel empty and stupid. I'm drinking the booze I intended to drink on top of the bridge in order to get the courage to jump. But now I'm in my bed, safe at home, and I just want all of this to end. I don't wanna wake up tomorrow. That's all, really. Not even a real attempt. I just feel even more sick with myself.",1.6084075342465771,2.2545901689497723,3.1106820776255724,97.13944777397262,76.53424657534245,6.022945205479453,21.450057077625576,5.602791699666715,-0.1963586757990865,753,17,193,3,16,248,109,219,0.058,0.873,0.069,0.0918,1,0,4,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,4,9,3,1,0,13,0,8,8,2,5,4,41,27,11,0,3,5,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,14,12,5,2,7,5,0,13,5,1,0,0,6,5,24,2,42,20,6,44,0,0,3,0,3,20,0,1,9,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498309069871354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288909707281301,0.0,0.0,0.13603198806081485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320292391501653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873595251301375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020386783468002,0.0,0.09337552412915598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673438698300302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282381518327584,0.0,0.0,0.2868909969384584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641713802817458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26466506980237026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564514014132719,0.13889271553846005,0.16457137838021438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29046598109132743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591421048973362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158446740128613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664632989213157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619341903948824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368703487444088,0.0,0.0,0.147300252700927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479910457759878,0.09275414749341353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494456610541005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946429382477546,0.08539902060851004,0.11492504231374813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421883721618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285240625419816,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carmelo_antony,2019/01/09,"Nothing left I’m in a good program that has good career prospects and is bound to make me a lot of money but I’ve realized that it doesn’t mean anything when you have no one to share it with. I’ve lost all of my friends cause of my disgusting personality and I wouldn’t be surprised if my partner left me soon too because of it. I’m so fucking repulsive and hated by everyone that despite the good careee that I’ll get, it’s not worth living just to be sad. There’s nothing worth living in a life as sad as mine.",5.283425076452602,4.579521944954131,6.217935779816514,82.83987003058107,68.08256880733944,9.101529051987768,32.84556574923548,8.344100000000001,2.2839345565749234,408,16,89,5,6,136,72,109,0.224,0.63,0.145,-0.9216,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,6,12,3,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,1,16,15,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,8,6,13,11,2,6,0,3,0,1,5,4,1,2,2,56,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323840903798536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351443973166372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129326462570306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793563526395367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438686185895348,0.17215201483241907,0.09728922675529438,0.0,0.0,0.4685628743697146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384795715717986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046445170424239,0.0,0.13152858695454364,0.0,0.0,0.3288610766177194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032747818007872,0.15831264230627,0.0,0.0,0.1242994154862518,0.0,0.0,0.2028418396915817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573550684016217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618355205438456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259504506280176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyonly111,2019/01/09,"Ive got my suicide all planned out. I just need the guts to do it. Ive hung a scarf in my closet that i could use to hang myself whenever i need to. No one will disturb me b/c i live alone.
I really wish it didnt have to be like this. But my health problems make me anxious about the future.  I have been suffering nearly everyday for the last 3 years because of my health problems and it just keeps getting worse.

I just want to die peacefully.",0.6068085106382988,2.694468829787237,2.512170212765956,93.794,84.1063829787234,5.887659574468086,22.16595744680852,7.1686216300943375,0.6682757446808512,346,12,78,5,10,115,67,94,0.272,0.632,0.096,-0.9566,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,10,3,1,2,1,17,19,2,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,16,1,11,13,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889012396036635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278524117348833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294841700841028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103313850561704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932248796609684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053747562848532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131000304886026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287743038791573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792714339122245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440435615902554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853559835997842,0.0,0.17809605932694292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462971235405272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991013169850011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667043606309962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859803864857339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920784690552753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061624107208905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741954949225402,0.0,0.0,0.11896205052663435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319336689644937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553944956838927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988181602797738
suicidewatch,ckelleher16,2019/01/09,"I really don’t wanna live anymore. No I don’t want a suicide prevention number. I don’t want help. I just wanna know the best and easiest way to end my life. I’m a 22 year old male. My whole life has been about struggling. I have been abused and raped. I’ve struggled in life to be an adult since I turned 18, constantly couch surfing. I finally got an apartment of my own and I thought I would feel accomplished and proud but I just feel more lonely and depressed. I have this girl who lives with me and we’ve been through quite some stuff together and she is the only thing I’ve found to make me happy. I hate that I’m just relying on her. I can’t talk to her about any of this because she’ll just say I’m being dramatic or she’ll just walk away. Me and her are just friends. We aren’t in a relationship. I just wanna make that clear. I’m not happy at all in my life and I’ve tried to do stupid stuff that I hoped would kill me but didn’t like taking lots of pills and drinking alcohol. I’m really thinking about just cutting my wrists or even cutting my jugular vein... I’ve been really thinking about this and it’s what I’m ready to do but I’m just asking if there’s any alternatives that don’t involve a mess for someone to clean up.... I know this sounds horrible and I know a lot of you will tell me that everything will be okay. I know a lot of you will tell me to get help or whatever it is... I don’t want it and I just want to end my life. ",0.2772737556561111,2.3459380320512837,2.1715158371040744,95.83819004524892,85.34615384615384,5.850075414781298,19.753393665158374,7.1686216300943375,0.2766135746606335,1134,33,268,17,34,375,147,312,0.15,0.693,0.156,-0.604,1,2,2,0,1,5,29.0,1,2,0,4,16,19,6,2,10,1,30,11,2,2,2,62,60,20,2,11,18,0,2,1,1,7,7,2,2,3,17,15,2,1,10,1,0,1,10,11,0,0,8,4,42,8,31,42,9,16,0,2,0,1,23,8,0,9,7,171,59,1,0.0,0.1195266859530831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781038496378764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372041571100526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004617245403527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430948358687258,0.0,0.09478038365725767,0.0,0.0,0.06149570818821023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058676745210982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901579010640047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688807384827081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882431039683767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870004553300653,0.0,0.0,0.06663050150989451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066472895833104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201624422414483,0.0,0.0,0.11050946218087193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061006652703606,0.07793988682970245,0.0,0.05270580476407299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068320940361064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477795808026207,0.0,0.09959843303691036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523590725661944,0.0,0.0,0.10019692239954266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160913005506358,0.0,0.2217647477363895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562737754282401,0.04928502985509295,0.0,0.1781583457571589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572945277301646,0.0,0.0,0.13467679708021246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585692844560643,0.0,0.0,0.07672403101473828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729864046010426,0.0,0.0,0.19387955312313784,0.0,0.0,0.10830771283407814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022408139970583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834492451448355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547556978725439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109240328448196,0.2309676674488591,0.1103466991496196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584944772201785,0.08108378185385885,0.17634769648826906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067020403623128,0.1292800744300332,0.0,0.08008770753182891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849111694070864,0.10972882224038193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380073114453063,0.08007410431621367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262927729813953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433249732480112,0.0,0.0,0.06496362012424235
suicidewatch,TtheDuke,2019/01/09,"I wish I didn’t have family... Most of the reason I don’t end it is I know the pain it will cause my family. I feel like it would hurt my mom most of all and she’s been through enough already. 

Just something I was thinking about today for a bit. ",-1.0878571428571426,0.9432863518518528,1.1852380952380948,100.305,92.88888888888887,4.567195767195766,15.121693121693122,6.18269132825596,-0.7538751322751325,189,4,47,2,7,63,41,54,0.129,0.7709999999999999,0.1,-0.3612,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,12,12,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,9,1,5,7,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557744777907269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530432192299633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381014265940729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528787007630545,0.2394902157535208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370022309761361,0.0,0.1171946958798659,0.16558334440340516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24812478342994884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737996956023112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323577199347044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714573872880739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662976436182105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383079623426444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843520792130416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851496564473896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969989563835404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665350238248476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464952988158674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atheismpolicy,2019/01/09,"Another 'Mom would be sad' As someone else today in here posted, the mom would be sad title, and all That. 

I've somewhat given up hope of being happy. Everything I used to love just doesn't grip me the same anymore. I love guitar, but I just don't progress in any way anymore. I love to work out, but I just don't see any results. I love to sing, but I just don't get the same feeling of accomplishment when I sound good. All of the music I listen to now is super damn sad. I don't sit with my friends at school anymore, because I can't get a word in. I've tried reaching out to school counselors, my parents, but especially my mom, and even strangers from school, and now the internet.

Now, onto why I so cleverly titled this, I live with my mom full time now. I had been living with my parents half of the time with each one, if that makes sense. My younger brother and sister do this still. I'm not with my father anymore, because he drove me to almost killing myself one night, by telling me everything that is wrong with me. I told my mom I just wanted to dor, via text, and she put me in touch with the school counselor. She told me to get out of the house, so I ran down the street to a restaurant close by. The counselor arrived, took away my knife, and we waited for the marshalls to arrive. They got there, and my mom did shortly after. We went to the Marshall station, and were there talking for I believe over an hour. My dad showed up at about the time we were about to leave. The marshalls took my mom, the counselor and I out to my mom's car. We took the counselor back to her car at the restaurant. Mom drove me and her to a closeby camping site, and we called axis or whatever our local hotline is called, they said the normal-old horse shit. I spent the night at mom's house, and then that became the weekend, then she was able to get an emergency custody or whatever for myself and my siblings. In this time, she was able to go to court and get full custody of me. (Basically.) 

A few months passed, school has been just as shitty as ever. I started taking Zoloft about a month ago. I'm feeling like shit since school started again. Most of my classmates are plain unintelligent. I don't have more than two friends, so that's cool. I usually can't even get a word in with them, because I am somewhat not a friend to them. I try, though.

Today, I just realized how pointless my life is. I am not attractive, talented, liked, or useful. I'm sorry to waste everyone's time on here, I'm used to it in real life too. I can't guarantee that I'll kill myself today, tomorrow, or in weeks. I am going to though.

At this point, back to the title, (sorry,) I can't kill myself because my mom won't be able to see her two other kids. I don't live with my dad anymore, so it would be my mom's fault in essence if I was dead on her watch. I would ruin her life further than I would as a single child. She would lose the rights to her two other kids. I've tried asking to be homeschooled or onlineschooled, but she doesn't want me to. I've asked if I can just drop out, but I'm fifteen so she won't let me. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I've tried everything. Zoloft doesn't work, asking people for help doesn't work, counseling doesn't work, not to mention that I have no purpose in life anyway. My school counselor doesn't even talk to me anymore, but I've told her that I could kill myself at any point. 

Again, I'm sorry to waste you fine folks' time. Sorry if there are any grammar, spelling or sentence errors. I am doing this with my phone cause I hate my computer. Maybe someone will be able to help me find out what amount of alcohol and pills will be lethal, I don't have my sharp ass knife anymore. I can write my will or whatever in class tomorrow, I am done giving a shit about school. Thanks.",3.1975478927203085,4.325447509578545,4.006800766283527,90.380775862069,73.26564495530012,6.728224776500639,25.249680715197957,6.953978226594392,0.8508079182630905,2972,92,646,26,58,951,299,783,0.162,0.743,0.096,-0.9959,3,0,1,0,0,4,111.0,6,1,4,8,42,36,9,0,33,1,69,16,4,7,3,106,125,48,6,14,31,19,6,3,3,11,8,3,0,3,19,38,1,1,6,4,1,13,25,16,0,6,24,13,110,20,99,80,14,95,0,5,3,5,74,42,5,16,39,427,129,15,0.15703748306808915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03480106341008071,0.04195632781289217,0.03931258881881503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067908735310518,0.041166873336819114,0.0,0.0,0.3114779719461398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010663612502096,0.0,0.03688547117507559,0.06037606556701165,0.0,0.09572859210908652,0.0,0.0,0.04423186683526482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801764140278495,0.0,0.0,0.040330188269126134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031345412993393315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017596685705701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03279616662342098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779133238302256,0.035512348500165894,0.0,0.03751401119126275,0.10585137295967728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955215241573394,0.05609380464070784,0.0,0.0,0.035882353637588314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099507740256456,0.0,0.12306840512997926,0.03766116579235381,0.044624010278906265,0.0329288975511484,0.03139930521416054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179233020652828,0.0,0.038760500739799884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262945734623289,0.0,0.0,0.03899341351438615,0.03866257200750189,0.0906000856022516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737387079760391,0.0,0.02157592345231064,0.0,0.0,0.04157000503663895,0.0,0.04014536651302925,0.11092021844110712,0.05754043646805498,0.0,0.10400023095688797,0.0,0.0,0.04392119373017323,0.0,0.0,0.14173245962163716,0.0,0.026205934840997504,0.0,0.03944131475355795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5517612066241506,0.06267291037998435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736845199242771,0.038465847798005534,0.0,0.0,0.041196105482987945,0.0,0.05320633134447144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718577040697316,0.0,0.0,0.02721750447407368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422559024980838,0.0,0.037599624902374416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946651113182376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468575890295546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03352728812547956,0.037344651904882536,0.0,0.0,0.31786063339199777,0.06256927114689731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089753976009285,0.03247575719362418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665286748988489,0.0,0.0,0.17579060544662295,0.05557596939154154,0.0,0.03135258420794063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029518160927824638,0.06311039020799764,0.03431442047718985,0.03614475393946341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714426489577313,0.0,0.1373547288584833,0.0,0.1116398790282101,0.11254203357378824,0.1308558163852496,0.10661814279211518,0.0,0.11505210188908192,0.0,0.0,0.1017224736586459,0.0432386503777509,0.0,0.046312388107224364,0.0311622611415704,0.03149149914056608,0.0,0.0,0.036393830023834436,0.03542547571274215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432515798096544,0.0,0.0,0.16733238351910326,0.04292395889446597,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ironicbanana14,2019/01/09,"I want to go hiking up Mt. Rainier right now and ""go missing."" It's winter. It's the way I always wanted to go.",-1.437733333333334,0.4050217600000003,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,91.4,3.333333333333334,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0600666666666667,84,2,20,0,3,30,19,25,0.0,0.939,0.061,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301955450630799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6765853518431847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33889187892268186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681229261464234,0.3149863236842098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kdubssss,2019/01/09,i just want someone else to finish it for me i have been struggling for so long. ever since my father committed suicide when i was 6 ive been ready to make the same decision. in and out of my life ive been in these states so ready and so close to kill myself. ive abused drugs to try and numb the pain and then they turned into an effort to end my life. i abused heroin and overdosed a couple of times and coming back just made me want to die more. ive destroyed my entire family's viewpoint of me and have disgraced and dishonored anyone who has ever loved me. i just cant muster up the strength to do it. i wish someone would just walk into my room and tell me it is time. im posting this from my girlfriends account because she is the last person i have left and i want her to know that i have always loved her and that this isnt a reflection of her. i just dont have anything to keep me going. i have a date picked out where if things arent better im going to have to force myself. i just cant keep watching the people i love be hurt by me,2.766583333333333,3.5240019555555557,4.001930555555556,91.41756250000002,73.8888888888889,6.5138888888888875,22.50694444444445,6.322622252153567,0.2982944444444442,820,19,186,5,16,269,119,225,0.179,0.7020000000000001,0.118,-0.9587,1,0,1,0,2,4,11.0,0,0,1,3,14,11,2,1,9,0,26,8,0,3,3,41,42,17,3,6,7,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,10,17,0,2,3,0,1,4,5,6,0,0,5,1,37,5,26,35,2,29,0,1,1,3,13,11,0,1,12,133,47,0,0.0,0.29616954751719704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399611828029608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739122976721105,0.0,0.10285060710431156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610444338199894,0.0,0.0761886599763206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053757269673813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766204666600113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829164486379075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297129336765311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647949744464853,0.0,0.1449409490930428,0.0,0.10440751012200043,0.0,0.11069810729879076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261091015947717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782313255144145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420617799139955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379720822963506,0.0,0.2700068237220622,0.0,0.0,0.22218180037033894,0.13827550426760385,0.0,0.06868755339930184,0.10187807126600974,0.0,0.0,0.13579472176890006,0.0,0.17655880278023148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060628801210956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384069253232709,0.11826222097207185,0.08342732364379382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299104378769389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664768375225491,0.10913059722981523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196994533737549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033874777758785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117958899789335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306596825429285,0.0,0.13671144521645678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924091356287503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830333513273892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575753530653351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485545696983272,0.1359459411653276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211551666510588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372462754512366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878455078106955,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kennyg319,2019/01/09,"one last cry for help i’m 19 male from savannah georgia and i think i’m gonna end it in the next couple of days. my life is pitiful. i’m a highschool drop out that lives with his dad and doesn’t have a job. all i do is get high and mope around the house and yard until i sober up only to just do the same thing for hours. once it gets dark i sit in a chair on my porch and think about how i’m gonna end my life. my mom hates me and is a drug addict and my dad can’t stand to look at me. i have nothing to live for. 


goodnight ",-0.4071396895787132,0.8180567560975618,1.6261936437546185,103.319600886918,83.0650406504065,4.797930524759793,16.059866962305986,4.851557810540192,-1.2195463414634151,403,6,113,1,11,134,79,123,0.121,0.855,0.023,-0.8885,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,7,0,9,4,0,1,1,16,21,9,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,4,10,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,13,0,18,19,2,18,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,0,7,63,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774640882906808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147925990565618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070918750805647,0.19925296678917293,0.1169842266257994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035963638847546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213227696655647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954192332442787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790891785299473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215846816052048,0.19165288892682386,0.0,0.0,0.1786367082086927,0.20930450581859425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000571389919026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786045049090749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562481188817937,0.0,0.0,0.3203487325757396,0.0,0.15232540884028062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124466474740083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291474668597425,0.0,0.0,0.17405258843546587,0.0,0.0,0.19317885998867035,0.12291737711336355,0.13795843236653715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051021952487367,0.2324601062888701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,starwarsgirlalways,2019/01/09,"My Dad Passed Away and It Still Doesn't Feel Real to Me Hello

Yeah like the title says I lost my dad last week from cancer. On New Year's Day. And my mind hasn't quite registered it yet. What is wrong with me?? Is it normal to be in shock/ denial for a whole week? My dad didn't have a funeral, he was just cremated, and I wasn't there when that happened. Could that be why? I just want to feel something, I feel like I'm fucking betraying his memory and my love for him by doing nothing. I just feel one of these days when it finally does hit, I'm gonna be fucked. I already have depressive and anxiety symptoms. This will be my downfall. 

(Don't worry guys, I scheduled an appointment to see a Therapist for the first time Thursday. I'm trying.)",0.8995416348357494,3.1543227662337685,2.6546294881589034,92.1649694423224,84.32467532467533,6.220932009167304,20.747135217723454,7.5105763829236425,0.7366482811306345,582,18,126,10,17,192,100,154,0.145,0.748,0.107,-0.8417,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,2,0,6,1,17,5,0,0,0,18,33,7,2,3,3,3,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,4,6,17,3,14,21,1,20,0,2,1,3,10,3,2,0,18,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048999171951204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181888881385745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515391928134294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335234992356164,0.0,0.0,0.1992740602487878,0.0,0.13306703319002136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520034317717836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31247093772158163,0.11037185281372566,0.0,0.16924263158960734,0.0,0.13141407525489093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856578132121569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297516287469998,0.13662015346659942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259347228656206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095771866116384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686504503212362,0.0,0.1394385197481699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599674789163934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492130366795481,0.0,0.0,0.15137311218984792,0.14824291699295353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469037373244247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432533394953389,0.0,0.1758500795621694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286128612881066,0.0,0.0,0.12311317497397513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189384389863291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338057051731822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058032421003898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938156800730104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008776170524352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489252814012393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911256442019477,0.0,0.2478544737900501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940845753883774,0.1724890783811283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689801618121907,0.0,0.0,0.1689169384614816,0.0,0.09949025006944072
suicidewatch,ded-mate,2019/01/10,Idk what happened I was so close to try kill myself last night but all of a sudden I didn’t I was gonna od which everytime my psychiatrist asks if I think about od I lie so then they don’t restrict my meds and tell my parents they have a high trust on me but I’m just slipping through the cracks it’s great I got proved to by my friends I guess how much they don’t need me around I know they have other people so they will be fine I’m just a letdown so I mean it will be better for them :) ,-1.5503181818181844,0.4216169454545451,0.5003409090909088,103.72051136363636,97.72727272727272,3.4772727272727275,15.056818181818182,5.148860815047168,-1.2257727272727277,384,9,98,2,16,125,74,110,0.065,0.723,0.212,0.9631,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,6,1,9,6,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,2,17,22,10,3,2,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,22,5,9,13,2,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,4,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015595822305708,0.22069737237013276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087883159685032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239022812903155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880998636116636,0.2602724774011411,0.2600621851571449,0.0,0.2087595058657372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494251988903437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611809629195931,0.0,0.12974012593511622,0.1924318619887428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571538517445054,0.2622250543555085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354159235308173,0.1750459193886425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153950711714493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621322989338712,0.0,0.0,0.16366402420322546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063391281463027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126672123191964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602787860203481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blynn0,2019/01/10,"Alone My husband left me after a month and a half and has a new, beautiful girlfriend. 
I’m alone. Not particularly attractive. Not particularly funny or smart. Just blah.
My life feels blah. I’m at the point where I either break down and violently cry or feel nothing at all. 
I loved him with everything I had. I don’t feel like I saw it coming. But here we are. I always hated myself. It’s not his fault. Who would want to be with someone as uninteresting as me?",0.38854037267080704,2.8327192826086964,2.877204968944098,86.13891304347828,95.30434782608695,5.6720496894409935,18.527950310559007,7.1686216300943375,0.6165689440993782,362,11,74,7,14,124,67,92,0.255,0.62,0.125,-0.9075,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,21,16,8,0,2,8,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,4,14,4,9,12,2,11,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,2,4,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472572406799279,0.0,0.0,0.1898323360605219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652404495116824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506031633676083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503922817476056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460661971418898,0.1629846182528666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252428929301637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24787684083169334,0.0,0.16114337024332295,0.11145860797425043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590697113017992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821006872061045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203408677265841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890830514157375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566783656317276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193303890700774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456400300144292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206545936097494,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guilty_Elephant,2019/01/10,"I feel so alone and so exhausted I’m so tired of everything in my life and I’m so exhausted and I keep doing things that I think will make me happy but I just end up even worse. I don’t find happiness in anything I do. Everything feels meaningless. I don’t want friends, no one understands me or tries to. I don’t care to have friends at this point. I’m sick of every person and myself. I don’t want to be here. No one wants me here. ",-1.13689969604863,0.9350227872340467,1.3392097264437697,97.42000000000002,97.72340425531914,5.664437689969605,17.352583586626142,7.1686216300943375,0.2506072948328266,338,10,81,7,14,114,55,94,0.232,0.562,0.206,-0.211,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,0,17,22,10,0,3,3,0,2,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,2,14,5,9,20,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958590714280946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063559568634546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663296633989548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212908998575373,0.0,0.0,0.12090363539497008,0.0,0.15422858730620415,0.0,0.3290293509657601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851124412474763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673055417003949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28284990946929145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897229548956052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627043767252963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929452328606247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218814207732168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24808055172146146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983330564735893,0.0,0.0,0.17304261462613454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216111279377226,0.11729186054829735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039050338130907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427979442964285,0.0,0.0,0.19056282450064785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32390513975098056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654487948626167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bipolarbliss,2019/01/10,"Humane suicide I wish there was a safe way to kill yourself in America. I wanna be able to Relax before I die. 
And there is always the possibility of surviving a attempt and coming out with worse problems than before. So maybe lethal injection or a gas that slowly kills me. 

I'm over this life. I'm over stress. I'm over existing.
What's the point of living when everything and everyone you know is going to die. 
",2.7050925925925924,5.086762518518519,4.5291203703703715,80.6247916666667,78.1358024691358,7.50679012345679,23.70524691358025,8.472884824447931,1.8292580246913577,328,11,60,7,8,111,60,81,0.295,0.597,0.108,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,2,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,11,6,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,13,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,38,8,0,0.189836083238613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579588287060839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32307304949571386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635269764744999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394039766298794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139651278111812,0.1706124309135556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788822087875877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200509990956487,0.0,0.10432894670546564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134086839711391,0.0,0.0,0.1676287394579674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907158613170167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945645910522248,0.2140116604558948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816474937363042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745659196065714,0.0,0.0,0.20764986341994066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068304673246916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830212702801724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345918697046208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kushpotato,2019/01/10,"I need to die. I'm a fucking burden to everyone I know including my parents and my girlfriend. I am 22 years old and I have been mediocre at everything in life, I have no talents or anything that makes me special. I flunked out of college last week and have no job. I live alone with my girlfriend and I don't want to hurt her by ending my life cause I know she will cry for me if I don't do something to get her away from it before I do it. I've contemplated dehydrating myself it should only take 2-3 days max and it won't be messy or traumatizing for anyone but there is only one person keeping me here and that's my beautiful girlfriend because I love her so much she's literally a saint to everyone and is incapable of hate. But I feel like I've abused her good will to much and it's making everything hard for her. I don't even want to live but here she is carrying me on her back trying to keep me alive. I'm done being a burden I won't ever amount to anything and she needs someone who can actually take care of her. She doesn't need a worthless piece of garbage like me so please tell me someone what do I do to get her out of here so I can end it with out hurting her so much? Should I just make her mad at me to runn her off? Is there something else I can do cause I don't want her last memory of me to be me screaming or anything. Please I can't take it anymore I'm in constant misery all I can think about is dying I'm tired, someone help me end this.",0.9923945147679304,2.8070760664556964,3.006607594936713,92.2677172995781,81.05696202531645,5.9854852320675125,22.875105485232073,7.03164865440522,0.6226290295358652,1151,39,263,14,30,388,147,316,0.17,0.6859999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.6226,2,1,2,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,14,17,3,0,4,0,35,5,0,5,2,43,63,20,2,9,8,1,2,2,3,6,3,1,0,1,12,14,0,2,4,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,2,3,56,7,36,52,6,22,1,4,0,2,26,10,1,4,14,180,68,2,0.0,0.11118211678277286,0.09157188330126144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718737081131587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306160495255547,0.06561337581949755,0.0,0.23166085047119864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816343898829082,0.07215526064049757,0.0,0.05720248122753669,0.0,0.07984881806553178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956736055894079,0.19279396356221806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140502273721268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030761094565612,0.060517437419793964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477706146575047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602836265763062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838920699778401,0.0,0.2493365708223889,0.0,0.0,0.06197879696150588,0.08488140914520609,0.0,0.17933154336940227,0.16867022460708656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047447069617243834,0.06703754304220319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867512751682745,0.0980524624050791,0.0,0.0,0.07870645969039602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405998635842504,0.09264512376455893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289731165026861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091001192122893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311925923949443,0.16681419871060446,0.0,0.0,0.10314129386473392,0.1529802062643655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256043097137418,0.0916885447178258,0.0,0.16572049869744698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469202546717225,0.0,0.18791181979369198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069441228644399,0.20873799622156572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846669207682036,0.0,0.06358673209044999,0.1427353248909464,0.0,0.0,0.10419546104532794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193530298772222,0.0,0.2060108361772944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23852467856151,0.14448141477474488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116624104640966,0.0,0.08201812854172075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060127293827118615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785242519053037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370951642776637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604340163827194,0.0,0.07527079835719143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060428286300184986
suicidewatch,funpen,2019/01/10,"I just want to kill myself I have been battling numerous chronic illness which have gotten worse. The back and leg pain is sooo bad. I have spend most of my time at home for the past year which has made me a bit agoraphobic. My anxiety is so bad and now since my last spine surgery it feel as if my head isnt on straight, like i cannot think clearly. Sometime a have these delusions or weird thoughts, but im good at hiding it in public. I feel very sad. My entire life was a struggle. Over 50 fucking surgeries and still nothing has gotten any better. I thought i would get through college, but had to drop out. I have ativan, 76mg of dilaudid, and some oxy. Im planning to end it tonight. It just feels like the right thing to do. ",2.3821115126484247,4.190069369127522,2.9766442953020125,94.1357666494579,76.78523489932886,5.658440887971089,26.226639132679402,6.297961479604792,0.7325772844605059,572,22,125,4,13,178,106,149,0.237,0.708,0.055,-0.9681,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,3,1,6,0,16,8,3,1,1,23,28,10,1,3,6,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,1,0,2,9,0,0,8,3,15,4,15,19,3,18,0,1,0,1,1,8,1,4,11,77,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243891344806636,0.0,0.12648694648046852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713856505069346,0.2761090060645721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462324517191089,0.18051173830994105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644482627982333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508071744228878,0.11812107601377295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285694408568098,0.08638489598131995,0.0,0.0,0.13868186818856726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968962488213302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658525155469831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571976374231668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292753774522227,0.0,0.0,0.13477661734544608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678665440744634,0.1615564811703842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645154942870754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865107289791286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593661517349135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783860749698586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120202309584198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367734425804678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352846003805022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204313760406894,0.0,0.0,0.17285240894073578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984654577471606,0.10594512152965266,0.0,0.2625277544091437,0.09641283603578688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642529548169868,0.09752358840753028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849864803507286,0.11745492703295672,0.0,0.0,0.10647547442114012
suicidewatch,dsquestion90,2019/01/10,"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck It happened again. AGAIN! It always happens. I have this weird fucking sexual problem where I worry about being abused. It destroyed my relationship with my last boyfriend. I don't know what in the actual fuck is wrong with me. I find sex so fucking disgusting and demeaning and I just hate it so much. 

Nothing happened to me. I was just ""born that way"". Nobody understands me. 

I will never be loved, and I will almost certainly be abused, and I know this and I don't know how. I want to know where the FUCK this feeling is coming from. 

I don't want to kill myself but I want to fucking sleep forever. Imagine that! Never being scared! Ever! Again! ",0.9037765567765559,3.4366421615384617,2.1642857142857146,90.57166666666667,96.6153846153846,4.937728937728939,20.03663003663004,6.655083550727371,0.631278388278389,531,18,100,8,21,169,70,130,0.31,0.63,0.059,-0.9787,0,0,0,0,2,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,12,21,15,1,2,0,13,14,1,1,4,29,39,9,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,19,0,0,1,1,19,2,9,32,1,13,0,0,0,13,2,3,11,1,8,73,29,0,0.0,0.1968847898711039,0.08107918577002499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319784233360741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913355564969982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157055684024305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515533472063972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042010381713824894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593838234001099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8449203785856843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041594672899148,0.0,0.0,0.08202944975676997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192148156443174,0.0,0.1826458477064936,0.0677255403934363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498765143337348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061077193773333927,0.0,0.1281608814627089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972250571083689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950133094626834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920242836452245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318279569328824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314521929344586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649464016342533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701743943635667,0.06594917727662443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437707004659639,0.0,0.0,0.09084064091772193,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,niyghtela,2019/01/10,"There is no reason for me to be alive I hate myself so fucking much. I can not put into words how much I despise being alive.

I am a fat ugly cunt. Like holy shit, I am unsightly. I shouldn't be allowed outside because I'm such a disgusting piece of shit. 

I am so dumb. I should not be alive with how stupid I am. I cannot wrap my head around the most basic of subjects no matter how many times they might be explained to me. Because of this I have no future. You cannot get a good job being how stupid I am. I have never even had a job before because I know for a fact no one will ever hire me since I can't speak a single sentence without crying.

Since I'm such an insufferable and ugly retard no one wants to be twenty feet between me. Understandable of course. I am destined to die alone because of how much of a socially awkward waste of space I am. I don't understand how to talk to people. Relationships make no sense to me. I don't understand how they come to be, and I never will.

I should be euthanized. It would be a benefit to the entire world. I offer nothing to society and never will. I am a waste of space no one wants to associate with. I was not wanted by my parents, they hate each other but were forced to stay together because of me being born. Every problem they've ever had has been because of my birth.

I am so fucking sick of people telling me to get a therapist, I have a therapist and I have pills, I even have people assigned to be my ""friend"" because how pathetic of I am. Yeah, what a joke, I know. But guess what? I still want to die, because none of those things will ever change how much of a worthless cunt I am.",1.9054740957966767,3.632718516129035,3.7919736070381234,88.12129374389052,77.9149560117302,6.423499511241447,23.68338220918866,7.3011,0.941753000977518,1278,42,270,16,30,432,154,341,0.24,0.7040000000000001,0.055,-0.9953,4,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,3,0,22,21,13,1,16,1,50,9,5,12,7,55,71,18,2,9,6,1,0,1,1,9,3,1,0,0,7,10,1,0,7,1,0,2,21,16,0,3,5,1,48,5,38,45,9,19,0,1,0,2,13,5,7,3,12,211,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212911701045716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791875756463871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338023792438349,0.0,0.07569297369910484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410112869463244,0.07662566189720305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977113679465905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463961456030847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117506046099749,0.24139090943205135,0.07494725626197317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872534145236944,0.16447236537144294,0.09294918369197393,0.0,0.0,0.07461007097694886,0.0,0.0,0.0979924344473652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564655523656858,0.09129207099584984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654547208727647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777315974029446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345824253866723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593772280249307,0.09018500268884247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436572714162332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26156456544845,0.0,0.20581953260465294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535339164444708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808318127809123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877246130302612,0.0,0.0,0.1850077067540853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511659506945532,0.0,0.08942295113840576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914591303089222,0.0,0.09550289138488363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261921277358287,0.1471666973048695,0.0,0.0,0.09067700719441303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481271677930636,0.07103847097922765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149754536251436,0.07774937935165444,0.0,0.0,0.2065640037108816,0.05909682847422059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186956762031855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778115476121128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986858478482556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574810949771895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319009512192082,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ButtonyCakewalk,2019/01/10,"I can't stand trying to make my life work anymore I dropped out of college when I was 20 because I was depressed and trying to kill myself. Two years later, I went back to school, and it hasn't been easy at all, now I have to support myself because my family doesn't trust me, I guess I'm a losing bet. And the last time I was offered help with school from my mom, she told me she would help out but got mad at me over something completely unrelated and just stopped. I had to drop my classes. 

I left school temporarily two years ago to do intensive therapy for my depression and anxiety, it worked until it didn't, then I was diagnosed with bipolar and I finally got meds that helped. In the interim I was pressured to continue school before I was ready because my mom wouldn't stop asking me when I would graduate, did our family waste their money.

I finally have myself together. I re-enrolled. I got in-state tuition, so now with financial aid, I don't have to turn to my emotionally manipulative family for help. But, because I withdrew from classes two quarters in a row, I have to petition to receive my aid. I wasn't notified, I had to investigate because I hadn't received my financial aid, I'm new to this. And then I find out that I have less than a week to do this. How am I supposed to do this? I work full time... I don't even make enough money to fill up my gas tank more than once a month. 

​

This is so many words to just say that I'm out of options. I don't see how I can graduate, I don't see how I will ever make more money, I don't see how life will ever get any better so why should I even try anymore. Every single fucking time I get up, I get knocked back down and it never gets any easier to get back up but it always gets easier to fall. ",3.4614225500526885,4.4028243698630165,5.1118493150684925,83.4171944151739,72.42465753424658,8.574288724973657,28.011064278187572,8.950670267944501,2.099847207586933,1385,51,292,27,26,471,166,365,0.113,0.833,0.054000000000000006,-0.9599,2,0,1,0,0,1,43.0,1,0,1,5,20,10,3,1,6,0,38,5,0,8,4,43,63,23,1,4,5,2,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,12,15,0,2,1,0,5,5,13,7,0,4,18,4,58,3,44,39,7,52,0,3,3,1,16,15,1,3,29,203,70,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022244332159894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591615950332573,0.08583323957321168,0.09625917970868053,0.10774262808340047,0.0,0.0606019553823982,0.0,0.15712698181931548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740586278788013,0.0,0.0,0.1827424693450244,0.0,0.2414543901440655,0.0,0.06740913070902349,0.0,0.0,0.07006234841718277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305911707293373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646160032903815,0.08040513611834049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911017896769577,0.0,0.08185391356579834,0.0,0.10464617828500236,0.1433153838079217,0.06674502462711115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404052747939332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356004561727567,0.07240429738797084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323625056282458,0.248330460540358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007487542179047,0.0,0.08726813730976425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123940318715552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764356156198087,0.0,0.0,0.06457367165726069,0.0,0.0,0.08607116003794629,0.0,0.11190877504110662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862526702102587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586369432775785,0.08031515129016144,0.0,0.0,0.08799392359073319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555955988401407,0.06323147147973737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061098210740007125,0.07650974582926798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436514453064935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299775129005665,0.0,0.3206935094125811,0.1893807257415886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098629140372708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324604694267751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989624426029258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059328817946176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857887830267404,0.0,0.0,0.07569669620731187,0.0,0.16135253686898945,0.08616700786399735,0.2321549663219945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354432298382041,0.0,0.0,0.0734363670440119,0.07148239785276568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301609074305668,0.0,0.0,0.11254913563105427,0.0,0.09625917970868053,0.10202826662727596
suicidewatch,skyhawk214,2019/01/10,"I got written up for the third time today...why not just end it all. At my job in the interface we use is straight out of MS DOS. 

--

I swiped over the ghost card that a certain hotel travel company sets. That ""ghost card"" is what pays for the room.

--

I got a verbal warning about it. Then a written warning and now another written warning. Why do I even continue I know that there's favoritism is going on. 

--

Give me one reason why I shouldn't go missing tonight. One reason to stay alive.",0.8204295532646064,3.2702966701030936,2.2820876288659804,93.0984579037801,87.4536082474227,4.882817869415808,23.54725085910653,6.42735559955562,0.6843683848797246,375,15,77,4,12,121,70,97,0.118,0.78,0.102,-0.3843,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,5,0,0,3,2,12,16,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,3,2,1,3,2,1,0,3,5,0,9,1,11,10,1,19,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,6,49,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101733496802635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752572847696896,0.0,0.0,0.13238528601432295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227531084716484,0.22782341616641516,0.0,0.32061201736157896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890059782087835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015371673518183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716395969976188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121606853928094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136368135128714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168751357530326,0.0,0.18998874120042106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311130118042886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425836570326575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dompling,2019/01/10,"Help Let's start from here: I am not the best at math no matter how hard I try. My parents on the other hand  believe that I'm not trying enough and that I'm slacking. My grades are slipping as I focus more on math and less on other topics. Instead of trying to help, my parents have a different method. I immediately become the butt of all jokes. Anything I say or any opinion I stutter is immediately deflected with a statement of how stupid I am. Especially by my mom. The yelling happens everyday, it feels normal now. I still cry, showing weakness even though I try my best everyday to fix myself. I hide in my room practically everyday just trying to reconcile with myself as I see myself failing life. My parents have already deemed me a failure and hold my sister on a pedestal. My sister just sides with my mom and the yelling continues and drowns out my thoughts of mere happiness. Everywhere I go I put a facade of happiness when under the surface layer I am a wreck. The only reason I haven't left or killed myself is because of my dad. Whenever my mom yells at me, he just looks behind her not saying a thing, but when she's done he pep talks me but it doesn't counteract the damage my mom has already done. My grandfather just passed away so my dad is still soft and I don't want to hurt him. My physical and mental image of myself is awful. I'm slowly gaining weight due to stress eating and I can't  help it. I am planning on packing up a whole bunch of camping gear and telling my parents that I'll be camping with my friends, when in reality I will run away and hike cross country as far as my money and my life takes me. I have also thought of taking as many meds as possible and just sleeping forever. I just don't want to be this way anymore.

Tl;Dr: My mom and my sister make me feel like shit because of my intelligence while my dad tries to slightly fix me. I am the butt of all jokes in my house and I just want to run away or die.",3.5463113367174266,4.928516152284266,4.8660101522842645,83.56761082910323,72.75634517766497,7.4868358714043985,28.36175972927242,8.021203637495839,1.8368324196277497,1540,60,306,22,30,512,197,394,0.114,0.778,0.107,0.2924,5,0,1,0,2,0,32.0,0,0,0,5,21,17,3,1,17,1,25,10,5,4,2,53,43,34,3,4,15,15,6,1,1,1,3,5,1,0,10,19,2,1,7,3,1,6,9,9,0,0,4,13,63,8,48,35,9,41,0,3,2,2,28,21,3,4,14,217,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533859642826688,0.06353196763510925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054025179585637864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878788146848273,0.0,0.0,0.06537629074531842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239229782595487,0.0,0.0,0.09685760981569036,0.08774052582163543,0.0,0.08950707003958955,0.16674480566149355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726636831845101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245114641729331,0.08300289368111816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625991999286729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812918507362277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208770212578177,0.0,0.05247253269543132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033934293172967,0.056755371861898836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137884553281451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045150303381463794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702527629658698,0.16914090652538405,0.07116692480025834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975049874265573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166861798752056,0.08504728783235196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789388633152198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631699376396844,0.08123767747875996,0.11222840534620304,0.03881271012319547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671361258163648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303001236646857,0.08054454488598364,0.0,0.0,0.08824524905322352,0.0,0.08006165990172481,0.0,0.0,0.4652238730804768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783902374754154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060421340598018784,0.0,0.0,0.35285613819269396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956206078894452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798639539509104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168247277006943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635536695103206,0.0,0.0,0.06330720966095843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154893242634792,0.0,0.0,0.07950216129257158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623142929252097,0.0,0.12688941938959292,0.0,0.09100373534156483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946518592338573,0.06385471065025705,0.06943824569871039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052779586535955464,0.0,0.07805410007783674,0.12614057396347178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32362677376674914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057578153277486,0.06305957424267558,0.0,0.09674234828045396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869726779126537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Katthund12,2019/01/10,"Im killing myself Life is so fucking shit, i wish i could just sleep and never wake up..

So much fucked up shit has happend to me.
Im failing school i do not have a job.

My parents dont live togheter.",-1.8021428571428584,0.07160722727272884,0.2705194805194804,104.31863636363636,101.72727272727272,2.5142857142857142,19.92207792207792,3.1291,-0.8794831168831165,154,6,38,0,7,50,35,44,0.377,0.564,0.059,-0.9611,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,5,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,1,6,9,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,8,1,3,0,1,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,23,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464811924083278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416857052722292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38129003396348704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455011845206543,0.0,0.2046393292156826,0.0,0.2281494226413316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145657718371424,0.0,0.0,0.18209408004155675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159379786727456,0.0,0.1590478667950196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289804432485352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870340534244594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233591806354271,0.0,0.0,0.20636671052663585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371402727290059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirace89,2019/01/10,"Wife (27F) constantly thinking about killing herself. Everyday ends with the same depression and thought ""I want to die/kill myself"" (Long text alert, but please read. Im desperate.) Now I know the first thing at everybody's mouth is going to be go see a psychiatrist or therapist or counselor. And I've thought about it many times over going to a place. But I'm worried about the after effects. Going to a place works while they're there. But afterwards how would she cope with the constant thoughts of thinking that she's not good enough for other people or me or my daughter. And it's not even that she has Suicidal Tendencies it's just everyday ends with "" I want to kill myself."" She has never tried, never been admitted, never went to the emergency room, doesn't cut, doesn't do pills. She has medication for anxiety and insomnia. But those two things are after effects of her constant thoughts of trying to kill herself. Got into an argument today because I finally decided to take her somewhere and it wasn't the right place. She thinks I don't care about her but for 10 years all I've done is try to show her that she's good enough for the family and a valuable part of the family. I have said and done things that probably aren't forgivable, every couple has. But it's never been to the point of trying to drive her to suicide. Now every time she leaves the house I wonder if she'll come back. She quit her job a few months ago and I thought that would help her reconnect with who she really was but it seems to exacerbated the situation. I understand being alone with your own thoughts all day is difficult for some people that are struggling with this. But my thoughts were that she could reconnect and ReDiscover what she might like to do instead of having just a lot of free time. It totally backfired. All she keeps saying is how me and the rest of the world would be better off without her. How we can restart our lives and erase her memory. She also thinks that if she did do it nobody would show up to the funeral or care that it even happened. But that's not what I or anybody else wants. I really just want to know what I should do? This is been going on for 10 years I feel like she's on the verge of actually doing something. I don't want to Baker Act her or put her in an institution. I just want my wife to be happy with the life that she has. She is constantly comparing herself to things that she sees on the internet and Facebook. I've tried to explain to her that people over glorify their lives on that thing. And that it's not all peaches and Roses you're going to have rough spots and hard times. But she seems to hold on to all the hard time she's had and all the bad thing she's been through. Somebody please help me cuz I don't want to lose my wife. She may be a pain in the ass sometimes but she's my pain in the ass. She's a wonderful mother to my seven-year-old daughter. Everyone who meets her falls in love with her. She's charming and charismatic, though claiming that she's a loner. ",3.631231974486965,5.30663877703827,4.332725665557408,86.3000646491958,73.0432612312812,7.936785912368276,25.8319814198558,8.59863814320734,1.7064034664448142,2399,80,488,44,48,766,255,601,0.152,0.738,0.11,-0.9865,1,1,1,0,0,4,56.0,2,1,1,7,20,24,4,1,32,0,53,10,3,6,11,117,100,44,6,15,29,6,4,2,0,8,6,2,1,0,41,28,0,2,25,3,1,12,16,11,0,2,21,8,76,14,72,65,16,68,0,2,2,3,66,23,2,17,35,354,117,3,0.0,0.0,0.05782291553240515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052524695248743127,0.0,0.0,0.061368805911211875,0.0,0.04738504101922494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045328802123285564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556232099658798,0.049474237653016034,0.03612041295887906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240494811851547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082588268883558,0.0,0.0,0.05104168503268999,0.0,0.256128141211428,0.0,0.04730913666411316,0.06556292396788786,0.0,0.038213636609941336,0.0,0.05103499416570365,0.0,0.061495828013777634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127390422668866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949873620020489,0.0,0.10496211248869182,0.12244950934762272,0.0,0.07827281939184219,0.0,0.09984733974161134,0.056619304478157176,0.0,0.0,0.11171794346270217,0.0,0.029960374296465336,0.042330746612217945,0.0,0.0649093656685783,0.0,0.05040103775626698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020509413511824,0.09939812978531867,0.04739047534157602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239771690955754,0.06307650378283795,0.10615908105477137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794328085795467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683706389901559,0.0,0.0,0.06400399992326486,0.0,0.05880000353090097,0.052667276100000535,0.19666581553457188,0.0,0.06512840085884017,0.0,0.0,0.06274095191601829,0.0,0.0,0.04185253336867542,0.05789658119256962,0.0,0.10464393712036424,0.052437525480666033,0.0,0.06628956386919227,0.0,0.0503752476797779,0.053478640586058,0.0,0.0,0.060073797575694685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969171593565231,0.0,0.06285865078862457,0.0,0.0,0.047295616792947213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182799956684235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062176631226223765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609990575859598,0.0,0.0,0.06416581839158964,0.0,0.1232368486347389,0.0,0.18572203891355454,0.1300852046457338,0.05601375540725498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388534667903639,0.0,0.0,0.05956618179459716,0.0,0.06302344208287836,0.059269582965854675,0.0,0.07591868039156664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060220633365795,0.056363693182610135,0.04712079972370571,0.0,0.0,0.0944348125285961,0.1078844095911101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660347070672952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045616276204769185,0.05860327419426632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194467381357584,0.0,0.1296275287938741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044551293986845146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879793632743206,0.2361925467835085,0.15186912431273286,0.058216310175525726,0.3292848896199771,0.17275610204906774,0.0,0.05616543527675385,0.0,0.0,0.2011463483225296,0.0,0.057882106630309585,0.06168503327551336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446449451898348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549286327377784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057118305914313286,0.1285158906854698,0.043137288733504656,0.06017485434566262,0.0,0.16836808205197545,0.0,0.0,0.11447202684501713
suicidewatch,Magnomitez,2019/01/10,"I really hate myself I have been misdiagnosed with Aspergers and I had [Language Processing disorder](https://www.additudemag.com/language-disorders-in-adults-symptoms-and-treatment/) all along. People with that disorder end up being in a worst situation than most high functioning autistics. It is truly fucked. Such disability so damn crippling and it is impossible to try and hide it like aspergers. I am totally unemployable, being physically unfit and such a mental disability. Having aspergers instead of this god forsaken disorder sounds like a better option right now! There is no future for a physically and mentally disabled. I have no one to talk to about this disorder as well because it is not a common disorder. Everyone at my age are capable of writing thousand words long research paper or earning money and I am stuck writing this shit. I am good for nothing!",7.966770114942527,10.906544337931036,8.40939655172414,56.293175287356384,64.24137931034483,12.005747126436784,38.97988505747128,11.538034831475384,6.051264367816089,719,39,91,26,12,237,99,145,0.237,0.637,0.126,-0.9601,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,4,0,5,0,15,2,1,0,2,18,18,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,2,3,1,9,5,16,13,4,11,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,3,8,76,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572910608109478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388876379492899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7199181080007535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390893455781465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005685042410205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451794021000654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317162973927484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504283538813082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659196136441735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344198774875284,0.0,0.0,0.13897397698867753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165153940240713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068250934640073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641323402430612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887060242533146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060277296683696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410987254123896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611975851540633,0.0,0.1765176583089504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126221458102218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661871523071224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411963148083679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jorgeous1830,2019/01/10,"Just wrote my note You guys have helped me so much and I can say I've made it to 17 thanks to yall. This is gonna be my first time ever trying anything but I've done my research.
I just gotta kill time till everyone's asleep then I'll head out to the garage. ",0.5054999999999978,1.6270852166666714,2.0700000000000003,101.595,80.16666666666666,5.466666666666668,17.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.8950999999999998,203,3,55,1,5,66,49,60,0.114,0.852,0.034,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,5,2,2,1,1,8,10,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,8,1,5,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316188655566135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880328770456368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25459807714256383,0.0,0.2689485634878668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23941104236056365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786911761778413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888607419632141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865773748172246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31139549230126484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663257148494609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069066174710828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22382951385386915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25913197072098754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282449751588494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109391021588604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yuGnaitpygE,2019/01/10,"hey there I'll go sleep now but when I wake up tomorrow I hope to talk to someone please, I feel like committing suicide when I wake up because it's 5am now and there's no place to get any tools from",2.607333333333333,2.8715208444444436,3.895555555555557,93.85000000000002,73.8888888888889,7.777777777777778,26.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.0274444444444444,158,5,40,2,3,52,33,45,0.17600000000000002,0.601,0.223,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,4,4,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,6,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232369456539664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011221752927247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598472850512927,0.2345183479459187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715091309416873,0.0,0.1865651516484251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260492304538573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037764107235478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429754904644424,0.3603452540678657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32851014649030025,0.0,0.2781447082836396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35907745945918396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638534601923041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wafflez1337,2019/01/10,"Had it all planned out and ready.. I had everything set and ready.. Looked up the exact spot to aim for to kill myself while clenching a gun between my teeth. Took some xanax and alcohol to help muster up the courage. Downloaded a delayed email sender to get my last words to the few individuals I cared to even send a note to. Had a tarp layed out around me and on the wall. Then I fell asleep...

I couldnt even succeed at offing myself. Worse yet a few friends got my suicide email and blew up my phone the next morning. Didnt wake up till the following night and had to try and talk my way out of being committed and getting help. I'm just so tired. Everyday telling yourself ""just one more day, maybe it'll be better."" Only to feel devastated when you feel nothing but miserable with your own existence.

I'm tired of talking about it and hoping things will get better cause that's all I hear all the damn time. Rethinking the gun now and actually looking into ""darker"" ways that are less messy. Not everyone in the world is ready for the mess life likes to throw at some people..",3.077815292949353,5.177850396226415,3.51157894736842,89.75973684210527,75.69811320754717,6.915988083416088,24.365441906653427,7.85451343220497,1.1754584905660372,852,28,176,13,19,265,139,212,0.14400000000000002,0.732,0.124,-0.5522,0,0,1,2,0,2,26.0,0,2,0,4,10,12,2,1,15,0,12,8,3,1,5,35,27,16,2,2,4,0,2,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,6,16,1,1,3,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,7,5,15,8,32,15,10,36,0,1,2,0,13,15,1,3,14,112,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.14154333149027895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550093603036066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912110645368546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25656163737067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788339370787215,0.1490015215917039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354224677755547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160216187385706,0.0,0.0,0.1385970407875677,0.13035740149384795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466785668474588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206167201485913,0.0,0.2273406151970401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600601074837524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347664286349775,0.0,0.19444167165313106,0.0,0.0,0.14406275286708298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604711815071292,0.0,0.0,0.11823131329237417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244981509087836,0.07086182794865434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24360311462856915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571754222026082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425736752743774,0.13611522853807653,0.0,0.13917491827152034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828647805628496,0.11031351916147378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055617775706108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586560631662931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331639045790543,0.12677602270339206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636168070821816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084577105786359,0.3334165689385458,0.0,0.0,0.16115071271522635,0.0984762667068188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026048355378165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781359584144008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeachySneakers,2019/01/10,"I have no idea what my brain is doing anymore. I've been getting back on my feet lately, and even got my own one bedroom apartment after spending some time living in a motel. Not by choice, of course, housing in this city is extremely scarce, and the only reason I got this apartment was because the landlord had a big enough heart to disregard my terrible credit score. I'm 2 credits away from obtaining my Grade 12 diploma, albeit a little late, at least I'm getting it, and hopefully moving into a very competitive Paramedic program for college. 
The thing is, I don't know what my brain is doing. I'm achieving everything I've wanted to. I should be on cloud 9. And I am sometimes. But out of nowhere my brain blindsides me and I take a flaming nose dive into the biggest bouts of depression I've ever experienced. But it only lasts a few hours or at the very most, a day. And then I'm fine again? My best friend is suspecting Manic Depression, and suggests I get the ball rolling with a Mental health Referral, but here in good ol' Canada, that process can take anywhere from 6 months to a year. That's why we've been having such a mental health crisis recently. People go to the hospital for suicidal ideation  and even actual attempts, and they stick you in a room for a few hours before you get to talk to a nurse for 5 minutes, and then you walk out of there with a piece of paper with crisis hotline numbers on it and that's it. No further help. 
I keep wondering what's up with my brain, though. I've been diagnosed with Depression In the past but this is new, and a lot worse.
When I dive into those bouts of depression I tend to have extremely vivid and intense suicidal ideation. Like if I looked at a spoon I would try to find a way to end my life with it, and then after a little while, I would be okay.
I just wanna know if I can fix this. I hate medications, they just zombify people....",4.553083060556464,5.563205752659577,5.333510638297874,82.58153846153849,69.93085106382978,8.337806873977089,29.355155482815057,8.617729084823388,2.170309656301145,1497,56,292,24,26,487,203,376,0.151,0.777,0.07200000000000001,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,3,2,4,12,15,1,0,26,1,25,12,7,1,1,54,47,27,2,8,10,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,3,0,17,25,0,2,7,2,3,3,4,6,0,1,7,4,32,9,49,35,10,53,0,4,2,0,9,26,0,8,24,200,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.08965939638564817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111800506794678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632213773487156,0.07064829161362253,0.0,0.05600780232671768,0.0,0.07818116840853917,0.0,0.09641999355824517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102636631979115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925352536448509,0.0,0.31653656542985703,0.09325394678228684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137638479872729,0.09493424012555993,0.0,0.1213687285647583,0.08310865337654989,0.0,0.0,0.08257376599294401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397456706607788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098449474823046,0.0,0.19200925603863275,0.0,0.05221622279534533,0.07706266828952557,0.14696600385615013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071022212655087,0.0,0.1953234294411216,0.0,0.10887553472833422,0.0615836957102901,0.0,0.0,0.09125530201756316,0.1809620839693193,0.1060145474491514,0.0,0.10371875691671777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166513467754752,0.0,0.0,0.10098717878197674,0.07489260053487411,0.20728412901429336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648959472986566,0.04488681065908321,0.18417121527785926,0.08112970568192414,0.0,0.07715414066243527,0.0,0.0,0.07811114777177236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255713190412952,0.18518225383663384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333591560194003,0.09765147078845483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873606973798016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225871754334809,0.13975428495370198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877076752116005,0.12739287828851525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446559330070207,0.0907181594185185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086940950834474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009986158534083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816121481531055,0.07384782710485598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061039471348028625,0.0,0.0902693885646792,0.0,0.0535746345165746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237893751887465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161747428599126,0.05419185681602528,0.07292825366455856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290534718355562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963746274922466,0.0,0.0,0.09363124098605707,0.13053458536632778,0.0,0.0,0.05916623617392702
suicidewatch,Xiumin123,2019/01/10,"i want to sleep forever sometimes my father is a narcissist, my sister is a golden child narcissist and my mom is the perfect enabler. and i’m the scapegoat. 

last year i got dumped by my boyfriend who was also a narcissist who abused my physically emotionally verbally psychologically  and sexually. every single one of my friends left me because i was a crazy liar to them apparently. he got my only real parent figure that i felt loved me and wanted me no matter what fired from our school. and i get to see him everyday at school and here kids talk about the “wild sex” aka rape we had. 

i have two real friends but one of them is in london and the other is bipolar and that’s hard to cope with. 

i phantasize about sleeping for weeks. for doing nothing for as long as i can stand. to just. be out of everyone’s way. i already stay in my room to give everyone relief from me but it’s not enough. 

i tried to kill myself a week after my breakup but failed miserably. i can’t do anything right. not even kill myself. 

my ex has a huge friend group a year long girlfriend and drugs up the ass and he’ll never get caught. 

i can’t do this anymore. i want to run away and never have to deal with anything ever again. i just want to sleep forever for weeks and months and years and do nothing but let my vegetable brain mold away. ",2.917198616600789,4.851382185606064,4.128188405797101,85.90956521739132,75.62878787878788,7.015546772068511,24.735836627140976,7.893859768569023,1.3352637022397895,1043,35,210,16,23,341,152,264,0.158,0.7509999999999999,0.09,-0.9723,2,0,1,0,1,2,20.0,2,0,2,3,9,13,5,1,12,0,20,11,5,0,4,39,35,21,2,4,8,5,3,0,4,1,2,0,1,2,8,18,1,0,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,3,7,4,36,6,34,25,2,32,0,2,1,4,25,11,1,0,16,145,44,3,0.0,0.1202207642662437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119703901942465,0.08114242215714007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062712956885338,0.0,0.0,0.16699594803020096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066152583191232,0.0,0.0,0.06185280699895315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326975048241948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460711777631808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766848968446735,0.0,0.0,0.11413573176371855,0.0,0.10484162898992032,0.0,0.06701741750044732,0.0917819175845512,0.08548958509178195,0.193910458127337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742339039637232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351774255291233,0.0,0.10602372314566533,0.09733555117808636,0.0,0.0,0.16230345584521333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089371651346106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451446398467192,0.0,0.0,0.0827084330056544,0.0,0.0,0.11024323986875227,0.10375598563083596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958865236401095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157713779467487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883589730413008,0.08098929158758418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565138589788408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471896375644696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751214224572586,0.07716955902047998,0.0,0.0,0.11266612223634027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309813241900925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665151491042312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537826762725436,0.08085536341961641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30461820281048146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035259044162312,0.0,0.0,0.10814938695761316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815546264529963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688888373203346,0.0,0.09911765887541696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23938939371363505,0.08053908582899033,0.2441700113457632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602257015401398
suicidewatch,52107909,2019/01/10,I feel the t ired that you cant cure with sleep I used to feel rested for once and wake up at reasonable times and get things done like i did weeks ago and was ready for school by the time the bus comes a roundt he corner at the time it always does to the stop down the streeet but now i seem to mis sthe bus just to walk while the streetlights are still on in the dark while the morning,16.67178571428571,4.844195940476194,13.573333333333334,72.55500000000002,59.83333333333333,17.276190476190475,46.76190476190475,7.1686216300943375,3.9589476190476174,305,4,78,1,2,91,62,84,0.02,0.936,0.044,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,10,0,5,2,2,2,0,13,11,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,14,8,1,19,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,11,47,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600667472751084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276039613025248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099078272455879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324507971708426,0.2493681558662302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464227843578369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731218700079805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904921982196146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595101148718685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505425317000454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466160934391781,0.0,0.2218361521219308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438549188139289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460231370141967,0.20372650238532966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618894578525218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262734429865952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046036267286533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546454461410287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImJustTiredISwear,2019/01/10,Im losing my grip on everything I used to feel  fine and wake up at reasonable times and get things done and was ready for school by the time the bus comes to the stop down the streeet but now i seem to mis sthe bus on purpose   to walk while the streetlights are still on,10.50315789473684,5.2362758947368455,8.774122807017545,82.91802631578948,61.982456140350884,12.803508771929824,37.271929824561404,8.841846274778883,2.7237087719298243,214,5,52,2,2,64,43,57,0.06,0.884,0.056,-0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,3,1,1,2,0,10,8,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,1,12,6,0,14,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,6,31,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452360763401334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913377214717205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558619014069337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394831662476024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487392900972124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30751511830385314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184963924127455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927097490202528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28812247695078264,0.0,0.25917198158182897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273545893217808,0.238014412073465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913604111643875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33201120694346553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458816054850085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alqaiholic,2019/01/10,"If I don't get into university, I'm seriously just going to end it. I honestly don't see any other paths. I'm done just self harming.",0.4567816091954029,2.427558586206896,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,83.82758620689657,8.004597701149425,23.459770114942533,8.841846274778883,2.0512666666666672,105,4,22,3,3,41,22,29,0.187,0.7070000000000001,0.106,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166062279294486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764437596376718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123602997075707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24324315513201744,0.0,0.2645963854838467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710021328059256,0.0,0.485695132040098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IcyContour,2019/01/10,"Driving Myself Insane My story is long but basically, I grew up in an abusive home (drugs/alcohol) and I hit a wall at 25. I was going to college (3.8 Gpa) and broke down to the point that I just had to stop going even though I had one semester left. Now I am left with debt, guilt about not finishing, and just feeling like a piece of shit. I havent even begun to pay because I'm too afraid of to check. Everything gives me anxiety. I'm a failure. I am so scared that I am going to just be poor and miserable. I will never be able to start the family I always wanted. 

My boyfriend and his family have done so much for me but now I am just a scared, useless, failed human being that I think they would be better off without me. There is no future with me. 

I just hurt so much all the time and I can't take the voices in my head. They tell me how sweet death will be because there will be nothing (please no religious pushing), I will be free. 

Depression is nothing new to me, but it is starting to seem like the only way out. I don't want to try anymore, I tried to break the cycle of my family, but they left me with a feeling of worthlessness, and PTSD; I just don't know what to do. I do not have health insurance and I have to change my name in order to do so (parents messed up my name...).

​

I just need someone to connect to - I need something. ",2.432814313346228,3.6797780390070933,4.012637008381688,89.12454545454548,75.34751773049645,7.113088330109607,24.165699548678273,7.686295010490155,1.0335900709219854,1045,32,230,14,22,349,148,282,0.259,0.672,0.069,-0.9964,2,0,3,1,0,0,45.0,0,0,3,2,22,18,1,5,12,0,34,3,2,1,2,42,53,18,1,5,14,1,2,2,0,5,1,1,1,1,5,12,0,1,5,0,5,6,10,13,0,1,4,4,41,6,35,36,4,35,0,7,0,0,10,14,1,1,14,169,46,4,0.11071667117344898,0.13118115081648835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832245039463082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921251397439147,0.11996146695949535,0.13453287401929678,0.0,0.0,0.08469795040283308,0.0,0.10980118734703924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349837102246919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791989835806723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712355759480984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953601066469641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330159461762418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625463423253668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950500499852667,0.0,0.31312147215278996,0.0,0.11196335121808887,0.07909601200854888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620951960196287,0.1887685070836785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136272463843655,0.11768664411242287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110578484725505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852448638783646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060846986985832616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36088196154768015,0.0,0.0,0.10818114604053927,0.0,0.0,0.09798076993804368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277898507188887,0.16419001757853188,0.08539152227523687,0.1069308509385636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247126407211697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502448175710047,0.0842050175116873,0.0,0.0,0.12293776090345646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153365735608967,0.10466304104963252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942186375824907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216934050481449,0.0,0.0,0.10079229920894782,0.0,0.0,0.11364907191822875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380987619608527,0.08523510259647317,0.0,0.0,0.15673165942429268,0.0,0.0,0.09256409466536436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324515786269668,0.0,0.09677125064041492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094277234470406,0.10877856728867,0.0,0.06455978132112236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503387041872064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306071224562731,0.08788174014063757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672692007758043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864994658513554,0.0,0.13453287401929678,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway18b,2019/01/10,"I know ya’ll are supposed to prevent suicide, but... Im an 18 year old dude from Texas. Lately ive been having a very rough time with medical problems, i feel as though im a burden to my parents, the last thing i want is for them to be sad that I’m gone but some times i feel like thats the best option

This is a long read, i appologize. Also I’m on mobile so sorry for formatting, punctuation, and all that jazz.

A quick back ground of my medical problems- 
Diagnosed with sliding hietal hernia and acid reflux, age 9-10

Got shot in the eye with an airsoft gun, which caused high pressures in my eyes, eventually causing me to get glasses and be under watch for glaucoma. Age 12

Started getting migraines that just felt like I could die from. I’m talking shaking and crying, rocking back and forth forcing myself to throwup so i wasn’t nauseous anymore. Age 13-14

Got in the car one morning to take siblings to school and go to the hospital to get my eye checked out, get rearended by someone going 75 mph while stopping for a bus. Slammed my head into the front window then the dash because we had two impacts. Age 15

About a month later we go for the imaging, found a mass in my brain. I can upload a picture if ya’ll would like. Still age 15, being told i have something in the middle of my brain. Going back for consultation with the *first* doctor, some eastern european dude with snakeskin boots and a completely broken pinky. This doctor told me I have a glioblastoma, which is a very aggresive brain cancer, most people dont live thru it. Decided I want a second opinion, next dr said its just a benign mass, phew. Age 16

Around 17 i got anxiety because all of my plans fell to a halt. I couldnt go to the Military with my best friend of 5 years, he was already contracted and enlisted at this point, he couldnt back out. College fell thru because i couldnt pay for it, medical problems caused too much trouble as well. Ive turned into a recluse in my parents house rarely going out but doing as much housework i can to keep them happy.

Just recently ive begun having dizzy spells, not like vertigo because nothing is spinning, but in my head im spinning. These spells happen every 30seconds to a minute and Im just so scared about all of these problems and just being such a burden. I thought i had a seizure the other night while clearinf the table from dinner. 

Id like to know what yall think, if yall were in my shoes what would you do? No friends come by to see me, most of them have moved on in their life. My only friends consist of my brother and his girlfriend who is also my ex. I have an amazing team at MD Anderson who helps keep watch on my tumor, but my insurance has gone out. I dont drive because i get zoned out and have silent seizures. I feel as thought im a waste, if i were gone my parents could sell my things and get a little bit of money to help with their own medical problems. As an 18 year old where my life should be just starting, i feel like mine is beginning to end and that im degrading faster and faster each day. I only havent killed myself yet because my parents would be sad.  Id like to know what tou guys would do and what you think about my situation.",5.266610352264557,5.454150901869159,5.6994704049844245,83.5199964054637,68.01869158878505,8.329163671219746,31.414809489575845,7.969615865706242,2.07325708123652,2517,96,508,28,39,809,309,642,0.132,0.752,0.115,-0.8986,4,0,1,2,0,1,66.0,2,4,5,5,27,31,1,3,37,0,49,24,9,3,3,98,98,38,3,20,15,6,6,7,4,5,14,1,1,1,24,35,1,5,14,4,4,18,9,15,1,4,20,14,67,16,78,62,14,90,0,2,6,0,35,31,0,9,48,321,91,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218038665643805,0.09012145398829116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310534999052378,0.0,0.0558811469162881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050160833532946786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330965751946156,0.0,0.2060918845585252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826553537202596,0.0,0.06151640049631014,0.0,0.0,0.18870587668552247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365186976766125,0.0,0.0485380066178706,0.059078824911524074,0.0,0.0,0.08997709174443573,0.0,0.061894604321922536,0.036339195022231485,0.0,0.0,0.0571910842075475,0.058479356729553136,0.0,0.0,0.11534721596073315,0.0,0.0,0.1320766795081918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990677430945803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047474831934439486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139630750782896,0.08050870804470205,0.0541020181649668,0.0,0.0,0.04792878414171557,0.0,0.06178164767730099,0.13060080639977947,0.0,0.17663409286640222,0.0,0.192140011094258,0.0,0.13519768426220138,0.0,0.0,0.05579245256829822,0.04982752290580833,0.059982497758110875,0.0,0.0,0.11565668828023308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553649896238337,0.05953376714250112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501694694536095,0.0,0.0,0.3651869921444748,0.0,0.0,0.10016771955117873,0.06233967817880829,0.0,0.0929006188727831,0.04593037797865917,0.0635619428795927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959919584638983,0.19269830605063865,0.05647456137246885,0.049755490137279576,0.049865378801174524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227054957238276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497568917291992,0.059888012052635074,0.08284315133074713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992574216787577,0.05287790282719178,0.0,0.05406652792185662,0.0,0.11825353085433978,0.0,0.03818222906949245,0.0857089630513197,0.0,0.0,0.250266986891223,0.0,0.0,0.039063959655508185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053266188780951435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695826536751023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636231265469785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563592827412316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053598961534146256,0.0,0.056413241228040326,0.057026237337111166,0.04490131499905146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333646116631769,0.0,0.0,0.04774268476117343,0.04337872299653999,0.0,0.0630759253252401,0.07976548431157468,0.0,0.044998838367476736,0.047108668841802835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163454288808851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04236597990413609,0.045289635926706415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486897158356776,0.07220984726719508,0.05536070462324931,0.08946655011376865,0.0657128526941444,0.0,0.0,0.10768406935233148,0.0,0.0,0.061289425533827324,0.05504289431038389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298445844302687,0.06646991689830235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050662777851012926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010935132025894,0.0,0.0,0.1088569860694444
suicidewatch,ThreeRedStars,2019/01/10,"Dull ache Long time lurker. I don't have a lot to say except
I don't understand why anybody weigh would want to stop me. It's not that I have a terrible desire to die so much as I don't really understand the point of living. I've done plenty with my life before forty years of age. Mostly it's 
o.k. But so much of life has been about living up to expectations or ideals I'm not even sure I care for. Which is to say it's just okay. As I slow down a little my body aches dully. Obviously by the time I'm sixty or seventy there'll be a lot more pain. What makes it worth going through? Even in stable situations with work and love I'm just kind of there. I don't want to kill myself actively, I think. But if I didn't wake up tomorrow... What a relief.",0.9783333333333316,2.692428314814816,3.2627407407407425,90.90633333333336,80.66666666666666,6.789135802469136,17.590123456790124,7.793537801064563,0.2606982716049382,585,11,136,10,15,201,102,162,0.141,0.685,0.174,0.5533,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,1,0,7,1,13,7,2,1,2,29,25,10,2,7,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,8,3,1,1,3,0,1,1,7,4,0,0,3,2,13,7,23,20,6,15,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,6,8,85,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405717603646064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499434840453634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062521271155328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350437895867892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122080989003476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811084487130935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953510818175622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429758012298582,0.16405640763020152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225540397556572,0.0,0.157899104924711,0.2782260602592896,0.13942027150078085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26787422343273043,0.14218837600851225,0.0,0.10516093001627357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162392281357724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763646773881893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489287092606459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092584399387633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505684480948747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177084518838523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171269441574618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484820659621175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094695711792252,0.0,0.0,0.1837287509684502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32801487133399104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584545196270272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421577209446756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469291222085345,0.0,0.0,0.1119137654598476,0.0,0.0,0.10145228959403248
suicidewatch,cutelittledaydreamer,2019/01/10,"Killing myself seems like the only option now. I'd rather die young than die alone. I'll start off by saying 2018 was already the worst year ever for me. My piece of shit ex totaled my car, and a family member very close to me passed away. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I was determined to make 2019 my comeback year. Within the first few hours I already screwed that up. 

I went to the bar with some friends on New Years Eve and ended up going home with this guy. I've known him for years, but never new him very well. We always kind of ran around in the same social circle but never actually hung out. 

Long story short, we went back to his place and had sex. Five days later, I found out he gave me HSV2  (herpes). 

Fucking HERPES. I've never had an STD in my life. Not only did I catch an STD, I have the worst one you can get besides AIDS.

I've always been terrified of being alone forever, and now it looks like there's going to be a very good chance that will happen. Who would ever want to be with a girl who could give them a lifong disease? I know it's not deadly or debilitating, but that doesn't matter to most people. Herpes is the ultimate brand of shame. No one wants that. 

22 years old and I managed to completely destroy my life all over one drunk mistake. 

I understand that sex & relationships aren't everything, but this is going to stop me from having a good quality of life. I'm terrified no one will ever love me. I'm terrified I'll never be able to get married and have children. I'm terrified that in 20 years I'll be the fat, lonely, old maid aunt that everyone feels sorry for. I can't live that way. I won't live that way. I'd rather be dead. There's more dignity in dying young than dying alone. More peace.

I thought things were going to get better for me this year. Obviously they aren't. No matter how hard I try things keep going to shit. This is the last straw. I'm not sure I can take it. ",2.0738833054159684,3.963898484924627,3.456842546063652,89.96989251814631,77.96984924623115,6.231267448352876,19.59826912339475,7.1686216300943375,0.3110265773310994,1519,34,322,18,36,497,211,398,0.213,0.6859999999999999,0.101,-0.994,0,5,0,0,0,2,48.0,2,1,2,2,13,22,7,1,17,0,32,15,3,3,11,59,65,12,8,7,10,2,2,2,1,4,6,1,2,3,20,15,3,2,8,2,0,11,16,12,1,6,13,4,36,10,42,41,11,63,0,1,1,7,23,17,4,5,35,197,56,1,0.07471565532641923,0.0,0.07291170173573093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321486575664956,0.1649011671503393,0.0,0.124338821155873,0.08095438133030415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651277387932084,0.0,0.0,0.07019781766814466,0.0574517270238496,0.0,0.045545970001344825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607992543289043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833794308492108,0.0,0.0,0.059654371109938965,0.0,0.0,0.048185416613594934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31017221659254224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617589383778873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027537633842207,0.0,0.07139401053346052,0.0671496133141188,0.0,0.07043527031871008,0.0,0.03777848028729237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355309825214198,0.0,0.08192185959495918,0.057725129964994924,0.06907341939724437,0.1171075383993104,0.07167406475338327,0.2123131437247836,0.1253358936550873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398024555175185,0.06607080725291152,0.0,0.06693055152214683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494589423456824,0.0,0.07357987017387124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641070743111491,0.16532360514676314,0.07780485746765409,0.041061770184207085,0.06090323125670804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832163088446013,0.07300459031792406,0.0,0.13195058501497905,0.06612100379932333,0.06274233285555082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743379602603769,0.0,0.04987328010695671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305012778471201,0.14432169099394626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680302347806546,0.0,0.20251704682215935,0.17047386807634826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517984278249909,0.0,0.07806195739950236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682013755038129,0.0,0.08021665226714031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059416887982387014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801832648540664,0.0,0.0,0.15338909299950354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616320144094108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363805907712868,0.05288412539940703,0.0,0.0,0.06246563339846808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041862092168971,0.0,0.05617687432743332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927552288867626,0.0,0.0,0.059315884509489686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072702550221507,0.0,0.0,0.07778163218391057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494472150218336,0.08813845865480187,0.11861161894123942,0.0,0.0,0.0671783471279315,0.13852432206341975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053075857847011285,0.0,0.0,0.3368010266686111
suicidewatch,Givemethezuccyzucc,2019/01/10,My friend is telling me she wants to kill herself She has been depressed for years and she has attempted to kill herself what should i do i need help guys,2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,78.03225806451613,5.423655913978496,26.46236559139785,6.42735559955562,0.7207978494623659,124,5,27,1,3,36,24,31,0.298,0.563,0.138,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,1,3,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,1,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759660983245177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475456701895286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172533258391931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476207277972895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7089657946031803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757774675487925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800498595087247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898436287978745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633161704136527
suicidewatch,crazyinsanejack123,2019/01/10,"Feel like there’s nothing in life, like I’m empty inside.     For the past 6 months I have been getting these overwhelming feelings of emptiness in my life. I have had severe depression and anxiety for years now but recently it’s gotten a lot worse. I don’t know why I feel like this and to me death seems like the best way to fill this emptiness inside of me. I have everything I could ever really want in life. I have an amazing girlfriend who’s always there for me, loving and caring parents that I’ve put through hell and back with drug problems in the past with overdoses and just being an ass to them. I got clean from substances about a year ago and I’m still clean today. Unless cigarettes count. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. 

      How do you make yourself happy even though you have everything to be happy about but your not actually happy. No reason to be sad. I have lost interest in almost everything that used to get me super excited like riding my dirt bike or snowmobile racing. Don’t do that anymore. Completely lost all interest in it just like my lost interest in art and drawing which I used to love and I’ve been told I’m pretty good at. I lost interest in hanging out with pretty much everyone except a select few people who I still find it fun to be around most of the time. I’m slowly loosing interest in my musical talents. I play the guitar a lot but lately I’ve been putting that down in favor of just sleeping. At the same time though I hate sleeping so often I just lay there blanket staring at the ceiling or wall. The only thoughts that run through my head are how much I hate my life. 

     I am on meds for my depression and see a therapist multiple times a week but those 2 things can only help so much. It feels like they don’t help at all, I’ve tried everything to get me motivated to do things but nothing seems to work. I know this post doesn’t really have a question but sometimes it’s nice to have other people listen. It’s hard to talk about this stuff in person. I find it hard to talk to everyone except my significant other about this stuff. Thanks for listening ",3.4324285714285736,5.280992623809524,4.45809523809524,84.47357142857143,73.95238095238095,7.6571428571428575,25.57142857142857,8.418075326091056,1.7356142857142856,1682,57,326,30,35,547,200,420,0.138,0.583,0.279,0.9978,1,0,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,3,2,8,26,41,3,1,17,0,29,11,4,7,3,64,66,24,1,3,17,1,6,7,1,0,5,2,2,1,29,15,0,0,15,4,0,6,7,12,0,0,12,10,39,29,58,49,11,46,1,8,2,3,20,20,2,10,25,223,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.06918940227571196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628496891848667,0.0,0.07099737037343767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058995528225516465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423926994871988,0.0,0.14062999666180398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311715347269918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054518692580995114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744064982662637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228856004321317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433862231332676,0.0,0.0,0.05660888694094888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213430294743932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222295211254886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682961364271986,0.06413424897854055,0.0,0.13549838495828925,0.2548859235291853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433992299033986,0.1519556232516119,0.0,0.0,0.1296049345831565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112894625880793,0.0,0.0,0.05946861312549748,0.056706214694551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22642712949663224,0.12702720533353518,0.14000063132786714,0.07276514792694624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504724028693884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689643504928646,0.0,0.07997970968961504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031862737050007,0.2424714204348032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095884036482833,0.12055543185128635,0.12798231090901466,0.0,0.04732714170678104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875531648061382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056592709413472025,0.0,0.1563617526392498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360633426610973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784720655295388,0.0,0.0,0.07872745879705151,0.0,0.1353665509141058,0.09830801297225544,0.06190824557303566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790380830423956,0.14426414206938235,0.0,0.06784293053827707,0.0,0.14255069901845002,0.07942563788256897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908423255639808,0.07289830402139871,0.07000644080540304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649912472167505,0.1290916887491389,0.0,0.08009824272705597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190492838233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012315922791182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324367588380305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232995978552106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397549443156822,0.0,0.0652763544604999,0.0,0.08232182774716476,0.09420729355861623,0.0,0.13932025622211067,0.056287680810713316,0.12402928489717803,0.0,0.0672061043545264,0.06774919247914461,0.0,0.04813730156023869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247184857977222,0.0,0.0,0.04181940022420162,0.056278120124284056,0.0568727141934622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397735929893886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516169618184219,0.0,0.07225444135596942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913161738936912
suicidewatch,drkblu,2019/01/10,"Nothing good will ever happen for me. So I’m on the brink (again) of ending it all. No more suffering. My relationship with my boyfriend is in complete ruins. I don’t know how to fix it after what he did to me. I want to to be healed. I want to trust him again. I want everything to be good again. But I don’t even know who he is anymore. 

We’ve been having a seriously bad time the past few days and last night I told him I wanted a break. Just after that happened I find out almost immediately that my nana passed away. As if I wasn’t already depressed enough. 

My boyfriend was the only person in my life that I thought I could trust. That I thought loved me. But it’s just all done now. We’re probably minutes away from breaking up. And I’ll go back to having nothing.

I want him to be the guy I fell in love with 2 years ago. I want to go on a date, see a movie and cuddle while we eat popcorn in front of the big screen. 

He took me away from my abusive household. From my family that doesn’t love me. Doesn’t care about me. 

But now I’m empty. Alone. And severely depressed.

I don’t see any hope for my future. I don’t see a future at all. 

I want to disappear forever.",-0.0182218529289564,2.12383067871486,2.0702672760005534,95.51277108433737,87.59437751004015,5.040908461431935,19.027973964824817,6.48374012150746,-0.06581190970779582,905,26,210,10,29,302,132,249,0.149,0.723,0.128,-0.7355,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,0,13,15,0,0,10,0,20,7,0,1,4,34,47,12,0,10,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,8,1,0,5,0,0,7,8,6,0,0,9,4,36,9,35,33,6,44,0,4,4,4,15,14,0,3,21,139,46,0,0.0,0.1266286433773697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473767395610502,0.0,0.10701923610783938,0.1106896079636179,0.11793851665534072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267823140098241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599064963556017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012359450679369,0.08217978782773501,0.08923562857055216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896553540600896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205573574676894,0.0,0.0,0.08533048203714835,0.0,0.0,0.06892512233883608,0.0,0.18410146369151376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936957885811688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935915408585352,0.0,0.0,0.09465896321345772,0.11042978581525144,0.0,0.07058950849740422,0.09667397958447872,0.0,0.0,0.096051785746631,0.0,0.10075163742210684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976812311634938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147832629713012,0.17928228934699944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582242167172592,0.18901729166113493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615035674143863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747070928498067,0.08711686979613413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548852290796408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893748545211554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029434937002832,0.0,0.205097666537206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128276865011619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202367212462646,0.0,0.09331857102811182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152286389400063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474306874758025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25549508960703937,0.0,0.0,0.12073760908526415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969261173926922,0.062319300254269724,0.0,0.0,0.102123033401159,0.1187413491927446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44126087629148814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882358545810087
suicidewatch,loopdydoopdy,2019/01/10,"I don't really want to put the effort into living anymore and why is that bad? I wouldn't say I'm suicidal or have very serious, but I don't really care to live anymore, if that makes sense. I'm not really sad or distraught or filled with ""pain,"" just mainly indifferent towards everything. It might be partly due to my depersonalization disorder. I feel very detached and out of control of everything, even my own body and thoughts. It honestly wouldn't even surprise me if I was already dead or was dying cause it would probably pass by in a blur like the rest of my life. It doesn't really feel like I'm typing these words right now, and the sad part about all this, is it probably never will. There's no real treatment to this kind of stuff, it just kind of fluctuates between very dissociated or not thinking about it at that moment. 

At this point, I don't really see anything worthwhile to keep going on ahead with life. I probably won't kill myself anytime soon (I'm 21). I'll give it til 28 at the earliest just to see what's happening, after that, eh... I don't really see much point other than just more distracting myself from suicide until I die naturally. Distraction often seems like the best solution to not killing yourself in my opinion. Possible ""meanings"" I could make in my life that would be worth living I don't really care about. Having a family, being altruistic, being creative, becoming a hermit, building a ruthless empire that will stand the test of time all seem pretty uninteresting. Like why do I have to care about one of these? Why does everyone care so much that I make meaning for myself? Why can't I just choose to end my life if I want? It's my fucking life. Even if there was a valid reason it probably wouldn't really get through to my emotions anyway, and the fact that it always seems like an emotional reason to keep living to someone who feels estranged from emotion and their own head seems pretty disheartening. I've tried to get into absurdist literature by Camus who I think have it more right than any ideas of self-found purpose of life. But even living for the sake of living or to spite the universe seems kind of boring to be honest. 

I don't want to tell people I know this because they'll probably panic. Which is probably a common reason people give to not speak on these thoughts and it's probably not even accurate entirely. I mainly just don't expect to understand more, especially since I can hardly understand my own thoughts.

I'll also put that I'm single, have never had sex, only had one girlfriend for a month in the past who I broke up with because I felt I didn't really care about her. My parents almost divorced when I was a kid, and as a result, I was very neglected and didn't really socialize at all. I can socialize fine now, but the depersonalization helps a lot because it feels like it's not me who's talking and I'll randomly check in to realize I'm entertaining a group of people with witty remarks that didn't I apparently missed the fact that I said. I'm just stating these because they might be causes of this shit, though I don't expect anyone to armchair psychoanalyze me. I'm just writing for my own sake on this regard I guess. Maybe if I had a romantic relationship I'd feel more grounded, but I doubt it'd have that much staying power if I did. 

Anyway, I'm just thinking of suicide more as something that isn't even that bad and I've started feeling the best reason not to do it is to find some arbitrary distraction from it, even if it is disguised as a life ""purpose."" I don't know when I'll do it, but I know I most likely will do it eventually unless I find enough good distractions.

I don't know if anyone can feel me here but I was compelled to write away.",5.899234029669996,6.3212221416893755,6.783322434150777,75.48140205873452,66.68392370572208,9.957686951256434,31.025007568876767,9.888512548439397,2.9399834453527083,2988,108,557,63,45,996,295,734,0.152,0.715,0.133,-0.9567,4,0,1,0,1,6,71.0,0,0,3,6,35,46,5,7,27,0,64,13,3,12,7,136,127,42,8,19,37,1,9,7,1,12,8,3,0,1,53,18,0,4,36,1,2,5,30,23,0,2,18,15,61,23,85,89,27,50,0,6,3,2,26,23,2,31,26,388,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451210764593984,0.0,0.049724825377667314,0.03603446201701347,0.037493525828134616,0.0,0.0,0.030642342024130374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937481484858209,0.06301399291842963,0.0,0.03708053682841606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042335348933697815,0.0,0.0752464279520197,0.1098726197812086,0.04976522470123043,0.0,0.0,0.0945753703183421,0.0,0.0,0.05005149680635748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970834185078154,0.09257805518227502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053861633572288,0.035976739737104683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353032227483797,0.0,0.0516426585080134,0.0,0.039432305601528654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205928964231127,0.03990978138189998,0.04655902051238764,0.0,0.20833191379288785,0.0,0.0,0.04305675657894043,0.08099403670510819,0.0,0.042478553397181866,0.0,0.15948581292024844,0.06438173939032454,0.04326466190531189,0.0,0.08236803887358933,0.0,0.0,0.049405959137442564,0.0,0.041657239631724303,0.04708397559535565,0.08645130693878822,0.02560863377631157,0.03779418625867665,0.0,0.0,0.04963866500795999,0.0,0.03984640509205492,0.0,0.040364905165716634,0.0,0.04624455505776788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030202765072030686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050867250050328765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010278853172438,0.09970441736454748,0.14076915347431848,0.09905518013689336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227904511814632,0.15409826368373353,0.0,0.2387328086902765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038308396702202416,0.0,0.0,0.0902336904165984,0.0,0.0452688218233736,0.09816708949468284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560306862937716,0.0,0.0,0.035966458406255834,0.0,0.09937284379761628,0.0,0.06950609257863967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106763804801867,0.034270156959425604,0.047947012038710164,0.05286819584737824,0.0500337923665538,0.09759116784067903,0.04301486422464432,0.09371678161939836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519252060303598,0.0507983743900477,0.0,0.09168442930243324,0.3400760734154135,0.0,0.0,0.09059548200053616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128813961856179,0.2886658686062736,0.18531671988463466,0.0,0.04837757179399569,0.0,0.07696197968331317,0.04286237423121233,0.03583351689336462,0.0,0.0,0.1077209471159326,0.20510463724519787,0.04700740238989955,0.0,0.04625343771694093,0.037274093806538164,0.0,0.0,0.0918659814797339,0.038179187851103,0.03468938586739746,0.0,0.0,0.03189369664483619,0.04802795964039977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158291418828302,0.14786496420211115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621751743546666,0.03938442205236331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866178767691259,0.0442712166681368,0.10731780921843598,0.0262748456626587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03059277903990178,0.0,0.0,0.09381808861082867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871686097621747,0.07973265819891599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263854874703013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401865575169395,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PineappleParadise69,2019/01/10,"Thin string of hope Ok heres the deal real quick, im not a very good writer. My mom left me and my dads been spiraling down a dark path recently, he told me recently in a drunken rage that he would kill himself if I left him, I don't know if this is true, for the longest time I've been planning to backpack around the world but idk if I can do this anymore, I also believe all of these problems stem from me. Any advice from people who experienced similar situations?",6.3646315789473675,5.480549884210527,6.973684210526319,78.90578947368424,65.94736842105263,10.126315789473685,33.736842105263165,9.3871,2.8192736842105264,369,14,76,6,5,122,73,95,0.128,0.8140000000000001,0.058,-0.7692,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,6,1,7,0,0,0,2,14,10,6,1,6,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,11,4,9,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,4,4,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828691515173296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408796701572358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310305724800175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910890679583692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152809948916506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170869716352461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864699235021369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616127728745745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137700167812255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812995023153244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317441851825975,0.0,0.1058931539096084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418699769048194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566718292709276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358164700013708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437094036630755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931464280253365,0.0,0.0,0.3805010550276324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658298012715566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123545996024428,0.0,0.0,0.1841161964457068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898307818475224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687597876722166,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caleebies,2019/01/10,"What small things make you suicidal? When I see someone else in pain, I go through a terrible wave of wanting to die. I think I feel their pain to such an extent that it hurts so much.

That and compliments. Something about the pressure makes me want to collapse, because I worry that I can't live up to their expectations.",4.141774193548386,5.996383177419357,4.281483870967743,86.45222580645166,72.06451612903227,7.540645161290323,30.14193548387097,8.238735603445708,2.11069935483871,255,11,50,4,5,79,50,62,0.386,0.562,0.052000000000000005,-0.9788,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,8,9,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,10,1,9,9,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400421028690902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451704569143565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734066786072946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194454793574594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425550754420526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528901455372756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859627966444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31537202154254484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365694836482562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027328277418399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882455028580992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015773927451028,0.181862146442668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583983457865856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569413635715923,0.15136727076263612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786703002288757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399040229424287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arctxdan,2019/01/10,"Please talk to me I've lost everything

That matters to me

I have been struggling with suicide for a minute now

But now I'm really starting to see

It doesn't get better

I was foolish for allowing myself to be hopeful

It never works out in the end",1.9558823529411744,4.126139098039218,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,79.58823529411767,6.432941176470589,25.88627450980392,7.554174236665415,1.5025968627450983,198,8,39,3,5,66,41,51,0.244,0.64,0.116,-0.8129,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,11,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,5,2,9,7,0,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592602829143764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596368086995038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634571336356896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315459946377533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29115615606851153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199991286403321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22608918712938256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217818943657308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877942757646724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335962260449184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074874210724408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064556732625075,0.0,0.3206497763587835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23561644089155204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134108721167908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happylilthangg,2019/01/10,"Get Away I've been in a funk lately. I'm at the age where I have to either go to college or get a job, but I'm looking for something else. I know it's a waste to end my life, so is there anyone in Michigan who feels the same way. Who wants to drop everything and just go somewhere?",1.0933333333333335,2.1038192857142874,2.9970158730158722,96.01742857142858,78.36507936507937,5.674920634920635,22.123809523809523,5.6839178017228535,-0.02875619047618994,217,6,54,1,5,73,48,63,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.7469,1,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,13,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,9,12,2,12,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,3,32,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498908174446992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754399110840129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449032893134254,0.0,0.25965881732612794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634794660996985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823397075409356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30633516383146586,0.0,0.3332269598806021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909228675680626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611168367364019,0.0,0.3307049823081457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070724199226339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618632255257156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256941681014367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291740698925795,0.2327022039997935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exnihilo_biomass,2019/01/10,"Living dead I sometimes feel I’ve simply passed my healthy prime and should be dead though my body carries on. Like the part of me that was happy and loved life is dead already. Sometimes I think that state of mind, via treatment resistant depression/anxiety, should be biologically the same as heart disease. The body should just naturally die. That way you don’t hurt anyone because your death isn’t self inflicted. I recently witnessed what a suicide does to family and friends and it’s much worse than a natural death. We just have to tough it out. ",6.450420168067224,7.8786331176470625,5.94187675070028,78.41558823529414,65.86274509803921,9.357983193277313,33.19887955182073,9.606745405546679,3.1199703081232486,446,19,80,9,7,137,76,102,0.282,0.578,0.14,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,10,5,3,0,0,15,13,6,7,3,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,9,4,8,7,3,6,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098085141837932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932608669112725,0.0,0.0,0.12734691224984887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110224747069343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046024241011795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901829882217067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593799132122109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716924245373229,0.0,0.09208850688740387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071029294806794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387678523510699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582048926090805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496992296688048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864116012833893,0.08897768871562628,0.0,0.16082082000842388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437605595999558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389559934603344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338837532534972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972249862574959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982770508918053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899974043856879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602550466066643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921656285082107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669915036664835,0.1789381209830422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456334406165308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560221348293346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EKUSUCALIBA,2019/01/10,"I’m moving out of my parent’s home just so I can kill myself. They’re financing everything, as if I couldn’t make things get any worse. A part of me convinced them, and myself, that this a step towards the right direction to gain control of my life and start anew, but in reality I probably just enacted one of the most expensive suicide plans ever. But I guess this beats them paying my college tuition just so I end up without a job and killing myself regardless.

I just wish I could make sure they don’t blame themselves. The same goes for my friends I guess. One of my closest friend is aware I’m suicidal, and I really don’t want her to blame herself. But then again, if I cared that much, I wouldn’t be trying to kill myself.

I don’t like feeling this way. There’s moments when I’m happy and laughing, but when they pass it makes the emptiness feel even worse.
",3.8316180371352786,5.170133620689658,4.481724137931035,86.77030503978783,71.98850574712644,7.652696728558798,27.75243147656941,8.139509932561175,1.7074479221927503,686,25,140,10,13,219,107,174,0.187,0.603,0.209,0.1449,2,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,4,4,12,11,3,0,7,0,9,1,0,4,2,35,24,17,5,8,11,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,4,3,6,3,0,2,0,2,28,8,15,20,4,18,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,5,9,96,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059464485200988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582738312318166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941834389294653,0.10636588929297704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799399887800174,0.0,0.0,0.08799101642027335,0.12050575087010053,0.0,0.0,0.1197301757263146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347207782809251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585196588406865,0.0,0.0696023176675413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935152426523213,0.0,0.0,0.14181591319214912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363122501829705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322009892169254,0.0,0.4421669013193236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940977207538016,0.06508490515577409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667775567070069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159252175120424,0.09793254363183523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805475892330507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792582259142067,0.14426503666490095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436344476237384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534459222042601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376975054691878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429429768394718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914436480822615,0.0,0.1255589338678426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850591398926033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044811098229263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857702093994871,0.10574439135326558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319723123654336,0.12842000154470865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715265508827941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Buddster_Noice,2019/01/10,I’m In a Situation. I’ve had depression for going on 4 years now. Therapy seems hopeless and same goes for prescription medication. I’ve went from weed to LSD to MDMA to Xanax to alcohol and some more. Lately I’ve been having an overwhelming urge to kill myself to the point where I walked around my area looking for places to jump from. I want to talk to someone who will listen and actually take into account of what I’m saying instead of “it’ll get better” or “I’m so sorry”. I’ve told 1 person that I wanted to kill myself (not even my therapist) only because I was off of 3 points of molly and 500ug LSD and I’m pretty sure he blew me off. I can’t keep living in a constant state of boredom and sadness. Things haven’t gotten better for nearly 4 years what there is nothing anyone can say to convince me it will be okay someday. I give myself to age 18 until i either pull the trigger or jump. The only reason I haven’t is lack of motivation and I don’t want to hurt my friends. I hope this is taken seriously.,2.1437799043062213,4.072316488038279,4.282775119617227,83.94942583732059,77.89952153110049,6.5052631578947375,22.961722488038287,7.475848149327749,1.0619990430622006,802,25,158,11,19,276,131,209,0.141,0.737,0.121,-0.8042,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,3,7,15,2,1,6,1,16,3,0,3,1,26,36,11,2,5,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,1,8,9,1,1,3,0,1,6,5,8,0,0,7,4,18,7,34,25,5,27,0,5,1,0,10,13,0,5,7,102,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.13528381174146809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815432770083362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969339852155779,0.0,0.0,0.12341093906306795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450814182855551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521562326318616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498108099457576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940263612392067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156443656966408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710592989916676,0.0,0.07242895082301626,0.1329874416864794,0.07878716497389662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769181587453735,0.0,0.0,0.14840730172769764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322156015905805,0.3067492177889339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638175259371126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241367076469635,0.0,0.11641508487918405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965609977999816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302013768039406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108701724292054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210472003497439,0.14483983911500886,0.0,0.2621021189151555,0.0,0.0,0.14103751727025526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253570797164009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048979510058508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620441240794775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582699885425152,0.0,0.0,0.11746155605445542,0.0,0.0,0.15518600127621382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065803196299758,0.0,0.10423322333474286,0.11142630825439052,0.0,0.0,0.15853657582322742,0.16096122066183008,0.09210024474319622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246781587246734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453043825061914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851228171553186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854757624234965
suicidewatch,theoneandonlyaidan12,2019/01/10,i want to end it all im 12 years old and i want to end my life. people have helped me. i have tried to kill myself but i couldnt do it.,-4.0385294117647055,-2.685258382352941,-0.44388235294117706,110.35652941176471,103.41176470588236,2.72,6.8,3.1291,-2.8156870588235297,101,0,32,0,5,36,24,34,0.095,0.8290000000000001,0.076,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5512600682407064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859019716676064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361484304079567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34429569655076675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198091278255103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265511064903352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157462725593004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112837614898285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36710658455006606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004020175598589
suicidewatch,indux,2019/01/10,"I finally kind of understand why people try to help those of us who are suicidal... I tried to kill myself twice since september and have been seriously committed to it for two years now. I've fantasized about it since childhood, but made serious attempts in the past two years (im 24). I always think when people discourage others from ending their life or try to help them in any way, that they are just ignorant and laughed at them. Because I really feel like life is stupid and not worth all the suffering and putting effort into anything is a waste of time. But since all my suicide attempts keep failing I realized if I can't end my life I have to find a way to live it... super wholesome I know. Look at my comment history and you will see why it is so weird that I am saying this now. I started going to see a counselor and my doctor and told them my thoughts, how I just can't enjoy anything and want to give up and kill myself. But that I know I am unable to go through with it, so I need to figure something out. They helped me to realize that if I could manage my anxiety and depression that my life wouldn't be so unbearable... it is really nice to think that I might be able to stop being so unhappy all of the time. So they did prescribe me some medication to help manage the anxiety, which I finally see as a real problem. I hate the way people talk about anxiety, the word just has a horrible connotation to me and makes me feel like a whiney bitch to tell people I have an anxiety problem. But knowing that it can be helped and that I don't have to feel this way is a huge relief. Not just the medication, but letting other people talk to me about less negative ways to perceive my life, with my counsilor and friends. I also decided to honestly explain to the professor who's lab I work in about this. At first I just told him I want to quit, but then today I went back and explained, and he was really really understanding and encouraging, and is going to allow me to be as involved in the lab as much or as little as I feel comfortable. So for once I actually have some hope that things might turn out ok, even though its not perfect. 

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I just wanted to share because I think that if I addressed my mental health sooner, this year might have been a lot better. I failed last quarter in my classes and dropped all my graduate school applications because of my anxiety and depression. But I never thought of it as anxiety or depression, I just thought I was a no good person because I was struggling emotionally and to connect with people all the time. ",7.660316205533597,6.419461490118579,8.044706719367593,73.4356687747036,63.54545454545455,11.653312252964426,36.445533596837954,10.793553405168565,3.8050173280632418,2038,82,391,45,25,675,233,506,0.214,0.657,0.129,-0.9948,0,0,1,0,0,4,48.0,1,1,7,11,25,37,5,1,20,1,39,9,0,4,8,105,78,50,4,12,23,0,4,2,1,5,9,1,1,1,30,26,0,4,23,0,1,5,10,19,0,5,13,9,66,18,61,53,10,48,0,7,4,0,33,14,1,13,25,292,96,10,0.06321406405823514,0.0,0.061687807782469975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050552264188758335,0.05259916526954117,0.06849241199654077,0.07681200695486355,0.04298773126222226,0.0,0.2901515158802869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403957706520137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048607713289475614,0.0,0.1541388268726814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055907702623081965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050471286375293314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333854223464744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470227317284888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110731368510231,0.11197779565466144,0.0,0.0,0.041752293124427214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785172063179304,0.09032027998794084,0.0,0.1384958345935125,0.05777650932989713,0.05376985059501521,0.0,0.0,0.04883902908212663,0.0,0.0,0.06064069037258892,0.10777802811891876,0.05302095776109247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241080100940246,0.0,0.06719359407100274,0.0,0.0,0.21185527321476585,0.0,0.0,0.06278582900310238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828203677074872,0.0,0.0,0.05618756464575608,0.13987399187530775,0.06582772007439013,0.1042223892474314,0.0515278992762006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464066338341977,0.2232498145315218,0.06176639726628541,0.06335709911684761,0.05581917669876268,0.0,0.05308389294005785,0.0,0.0,0.0537423367059886,0.0,0.059814675864027785,0.042195878624123946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736303816367442,0.06370490846415848,0.20118039699023746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646961058623534,0.046872427516684086,0.04875458322514596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732091513815305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060344976964027165,0.2629480357501754,0.055196082455534916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097464411580318,0.0,0.06354759422017561,0.0,0.06723593829888151,0.0,0.07195144421812973,0.161986192497303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050270360965856235,0.0,0.06397600766474586,0.1511202741058493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568739810752569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486652748717739,0.0,0.0,0.04474323990142095,0.0,0.0,0.052849788091100934,0.0,0.06608506499846366,0.0,0.13829185204387925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161814036764216,0.055251878259556186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199661527348294,0.12151505932944895,0.06210749698188221,0.15055471734828962,0.11058188731918184,0.0,0.0599195413007054,0.1208074943736903,0.0,0.12875460004619213,0.06875874931990808,0.12350191044427428,0.13161614009665812,0.07603873571963936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185587840441502,0.2508819083847091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860007069659118,0.11408172098773485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046020591510264455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681200695486355,0.12212335409700563
suicidewatch,JathroF,2019/01/10,"Ending it right now! Thought i'd just post a farewell note here, The reason for my suicide is that i have been going through issues all my life, things have happened and i have dealt with them but something is always left on me, mental issues mainly, For the past 5 months i have been dealing with someone who was an ex friend, i didn't want to be friends with that person anymore because they were violent and two faced, they got involved in an argument i had with another friend and, bare in mind these people are 15+ years old and i'm 22, i didn't become friends with them through strange means i was initially friends with one person who i met through a mother who is not with the father, the mother and older brother who is older than me introduced me to their son and thats how the friendship started, who then introduced me to his friends. the son is in legal custody of the father.

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Nothing illegal or wrong has happened but ever since i stopped being friends with two of these people they have spouted lies on top of lies to get me in trouble or to get me hated, when it started, the boy put online that i abuse kids mentally and sexually and that i should be attacked for it. and that i was a pedophile I called the  police over this and they dealt with it, not to mention he made threats on top of threats to attack me.

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5 months on i was getting over the betrayal and lies as it died down, the boy was still harassing my other friends and trying to use them to get to me. When only recently has it gone out of control. they have been going to other peoples houses, people who know me, and telling them the same lies they were warned about not to say anymore. The family also claim that i'm a hacker stalker who has been stealing money and shutting down social media accounts, The father of my friend came over initially to hear our side of the story as he claimed he wanted to know whats happened, he then went out and spoke to the people making lies and came back an hour later to spout the same lies and claims they were making, saying that i was grooming his son and that i am lying, this is when i grabbed a knife and sliced my own neck open, to which he left and my mother called an ambulance, i was checked over and i was told to stay in for surgery, i didn't want to stay in and convinced them to let me come back promising that i will come back tomorrow and that i wont attempt to end it again.

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TL;DR

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I only wanted to come back home to end it...so i am. the reason why i'm ending it is not because i'm guilty of these accusations, i'm ending it because i have been bullied and tormented all my life, having people believe these lies feels like the ultimate betrayal and having the police do little about it is even worse which allows it to continue.

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The boy i mentioned above who spreaded the lies is dating a 19 yr old girl who got with him when he was 14. i have never had a relationship in my life or even spoken to a child sexually yet i'm the pedo. i have worked with CEOP and IWF before to expose real pedos, people who contacted me before asking them to help deal with it because i had knowledge of stuff like that. 

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I have even offered to the police to take my devices so they could investigate and prove the lies to be false. i'm not sure if they plan to do so but i am innocent, the reason why i want to end it is because people are saying these things about me and its being spread, on top of my mental health issues like PTSD. i can't live like that, i can't live with people thinking i'm a pedo. There is no evidence, i have evidence of them making lies and threats.

​

Not sure anymore. i'm downing pills now and drinking alcohol, of which i hope to sleep and not awaken.",9.465096688628392,6.3695772586206925,8.84142979378797,74.99506075126209,61.55968169761272,11.267493796526056,38.24831008813212,8.654491914285503,3.1963906562847617,2999,105,587,29,31,955,294,754,0.17,0.723,0.106,-0.9956,0,0,3,0,1,1,88.0,1,0,17,7,27,29,8,0,39,0,69,10,3,11,7,105,122,50,2,9,15,11,2,4,9,3,6,5,1,8,53,52,2,2,11,1,3,10,15,11,0,3,34,7,79,18,92,78,6,84,0,0,0,0,86,31,0,5,44,414,132,2,0.0,0.04816787401882392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344634003234223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251067310961015,0.033827055926343344,0.35238531094770664,0.3951886371978555,0.0,0.04262884933676744,0.0,0.0,0.12095235618068773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800563270009785,0.09249868892026142,0.0,0.12504045092494276,0.0,0.12391030091266672,0.04489871256365965,0.06918644689320161,0.04580269120215282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830237517916772,0.09299378740557727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505844258243133,0.0,0.0,0.045596474683788434,0.03245859545760108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382416301002943,0.0,0.0,0.04219202345629694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982505576253069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160421635994484,0.0,0.0,0.08055396776748508,0.03677351304827863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832460057299773,0.0,0.02055568411555809,0.029042943426749512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826798683429822,0.0,0.08495932247073609,0.0,0.04620876099619864,0.0,0.06502880314966619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078495455208354,0.0,0.0,0.04013701824609504,0.0,0.04321288090569825,0.045819567278273854,0.0,0.02724925438874421,0.0,0.04077888035538619,0.0403782025472493,0.04003561173069817,0.04690880173771098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729540397114114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468431608224952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834052123749593,0.04157106532359898,0.0861445301232946,0.07944519134433037,0.040745592143408886,0.07179575577960337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846742387070238,0.08140979075038582,0.0,0.0,0.04428369369267453,0.0,0.0,0.12290781557217305,0.0,0.04104855185696737,0.0,0.06489863906413244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0313545662744119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03900823028593083,0.0,0.08531823923218387,0.0,0.027547934768913082,0.061837796817772926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038808465879174484,0.25365681752160923,0.07099431934216036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893491575054206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752188854867995,0.04086810147375567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627270252437372,0.0,0.125396029897782,0.04014053030047062,0.04364675742040238,0.0,0.03471795641310403,0.0,0.09698813487526207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03362908203344785,0.0,0.040682964395737486,0.041441230513876014,0.03444566746220794,0.0312971311678142,0.0,0.0,0.057549661509461676,0.086662667268537,0.03246602134642189,0.033988234001278116,0.0,0.0,0.046538651261799235,0.04446844535720052,0.0,0.07663108290813825,0.0,0.03056645144253067,0.0,0.03553304251776437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054016897275587686,0.026049188466307487,0.0,0.03227442119798893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884626160471271,0.0,0.027601129119429867,0.0,0.07942532947434275,0.0,0.0,0.03511166181506244,0.0,0.0,0.11989274719116386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376862989856066,0.07336711022409095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029596308511811813,0.0,0.04142949647525894,0.0,0.04444833499203935,0.3951886371978555,0.02617958864164865
suicidewatch,Skajajkanajq,2019/01/10,How do I beat this I want to know how to beat all this sadness it’s too much. It’s been going on for too long. What’s the solution? I’ll do anything I just want the pain to go away ,-1.9046511627907,-0.23422518604650835,0.9360930232558148,103.66879069767442,91.55813953488372,4.370232558139535,15.576744186046513,5.6839178017228535,-1.0480102325581395,139,3,39,1,5,48,28,43,0.156,0.726,0.118,-0.561,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,7,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,7,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110038007824762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35507723328704555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295721215759756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770018549299013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344557405219757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782168903173465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021436649960975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458252561821964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway46580976,2019/01/10,"don't want to try anymore I'm giving up. I've tried my best to stay happy, stay positive, etc. But everytime it backfires on me. I think suicide is the only way out but I'm too scared to do it. Maybe I'll just make it look like an accident. ""Fall"" on a train track. Guess I could do that. 




Thanks for listening to my short little rant",-0.8311267605633788,1.3153777887323983,1.471957746478875,97.1552605633803,95.05633802816901,5.093521126760563,16.959154929577466,6.742157984588678,-0.08238704225352089,257,7,60,4,10,86,54,71,0.17600000000000002,0.63,0.194,0.1352,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,15,2,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,9,14,2,10,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,1,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112560874621952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22354868916473228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007711376818582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375707839909857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434576441722804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23466275536781306,0.0,0.0,0.22676105434219165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406957430008576,0.21349946332640302,0.0,0.0,0.17888102220521118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219081312769458,0.0,0.21400467679023927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200938235741544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326764536078407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540965532454601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23300653443215594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961178635349578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649299139083967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892497541064337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256432209498874,0.16908334991680812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eissajordan,2019/01/10,"My depression, my song 4 weeks ago my life changed, it was just the other day
I was a normal person living life, if you ask some might say
No sickness, no depression that made my days long
I was happy to be here singing even if it was the same song
But damn free will becauase I thought I was stronger than that
At the mercy, touching his garment is where I found myself at
I longed for an answer. Do you not love me anymore?
My destruction is on its way, i hear it knocking at my door
My depression sneaks up,  but this one is from my childhood.
It never really left is what I always understood
It meets me in adulthood with a smirk on it's sneaky face
I probably won't win the this one, it'll probably win this race
My God you have not answered me yet. Am I wrong for wanting to quit?
Depression has always been the root but four weeks ago I lost my wit
You are punishing me I see.  Are you mad at your daughter?
I've carried your word in my heart for years, but lately some things been out of order.
You do not answer my cries or return my voicemails of prays
My sign has not come yet, do you sit there and just gaze?
What happens when the weapons Start to prosper and there is no hope left?
His grace abounds but not for me, I will be gone by sunset. 


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suicidewatch,dorkydawgduke,2019/01/10,"I want to do it I’ve been feeling suicidal lately and I’m leaning towards it but the only thing stopping me is I’m going to hurt my family and boyfriend. I just want the pain to stop. I don’t want to be here anymore, i just have to find a way to do it without making those around me sad. ",0.3883333333333319,2.004867000000001,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,82.125,5.516666666666668,23.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.4775291666666664,224,8,52,2,6,78,42,64,0.29100000000000004,0.634,0.075,-0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,15,15,3,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,9,13,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352114186870488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111338343768019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235851526014818,0.0,0.11992155693967142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677139483589425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347906139188803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25389809769838106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675409433097449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583145048353465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038039576833245,0.2523682928470748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965737083864005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25942825215366977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157566889672037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196715077380463,0.1882565141106674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22862585451107026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,T-reggs,2019/01/10,Everyone says they are better off without me. Makes me want to commit suicide,3.265000000000001,6.4317712142857175,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,86.85714285714286,5.6571428571428575,28.42857142857143,7.1686216300943375,2.3546857142857145,63,3,9,1,2,20,13,14,0.215,0.478,0.306,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861083887282584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41715886014305664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914121300310289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34717591964333705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775338787115898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574987640592833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208353954208246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hotchocolate2468,2019/01/10,"help i want to die but i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont want to cause my family pain because they dont deserve it. I love my boyfriend very much but he struggles to understand my problems and when i say anything to him i accidently say aomething i regret and it hurts him and i am causing him pain. The one person who i considered a friend in the country i have moved to has been ignoring me nearly completely for the past few months and i am all alone at school and i pretend to be happy but i cant do it anymore. I want to kill myself but i cant bring myself to do it, how can i make myself do it? ",0.14704471101417482,2.13284523664122,2.6516521264994566,92.71765267175572,85.18320610687023,5.574918211559434,21.570883315158127,6.868970318607317,0.4889799345692482,470,16,107,6,14,162,73,131,0.29,0.5770000000000001,0.132,-0.9824,0,1,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,12,1,1,4,0,15,3,0,4,1,22,23,11,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,6,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,9,0,1,1,2,27,3,13,21,3,8,0,3,0,1,12,3,0,0,3,80,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048339526279166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451964101098424,0.09484349389049768,0.0,0.1116211655622186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268562790840303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786817912789734,0.0,0.0,0.14221723706484202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077416996464384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769114941389863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787046917715622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479606905086984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439259948351849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091744966212073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904134599111504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006691150981502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242149561191615,0.0,0.09054156671542224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826752662800708,0.1441651491915566,0.09971190278113734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191400017472058,0.0,0.2886636401059445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294848913183999,0.0,0.11843668019323103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979032749448835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573468260932216,0.0,0.1372761548056096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418016525915068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412072922517008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119182108779418,0.3200188203933709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Solonely98,2019/01/10,I'm losing everything My best friend is going to be leaving soon. She says she feels guilty talking to me. I would do anything I could for her and I love her. I know that her leaving is better for her but it still fucking hurts. I don't have any reason anymore. She was everything. She was my reason to try. My reason to do better. My head is spinning. I'm dizzy I can barely think. I've cut. I've lost everything. She was there with me through it all and now she's going. I don't want to keep going without my best friend. She's going to go and not come back in the next few days sometime and I can't do it. I can't be ready for it. I don't want to say bye I don't want her to leave. I'd do anything in the world to keep her in my life. To have her come back. Just not to leave. I can't keep going without her. She's my everything,-1.6845605605605591,0.2539415729729733,0.8595195195195195,101.10415415415414,98.13513513513512,3.6056056056056063,15.5005005005005,5.3279370663704135,-0.9820190190190186,641,16,158,4,27,216,79,185,0.13,0.746,0.124,0.7177,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,7,12,2,0,2,0,24,4,1,3,1,28,46,5,0,5,6,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,5,7,0,3,6,0,0,8,11,5,0,0,4,3,37,7,21,38,4,19,0,3,0,2,23,4,1,0,8,107,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676348881824352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863566570481898,0.0,0.0,0.16369101031243813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295421072973367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875018597652387,0.17592513512207675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134861608730168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940916420068267,0.0,0.0,0.06414221772442348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575459481315225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028898115206235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368209365406618,0.09194736950138656,0.0,0.0,0.3391458291148529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207265841219146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647190526488637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652086681810112,0.0,0.0,0.05465954615327654,0.0,0.0,0.4212468799148929,0.0,0.0,0.07025016579955376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126812352239338,0.10857021621701614,0.0,0.08976477803174428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577477016422687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067783367667204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818607509553767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983665598514333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942733145704095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994061746534217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372870591143011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752549096685524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598881369855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174803232692025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706521489112338,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theboysaccount,2019/01/10,i think it’s over for me time to say goodbye. I really feel like my time is here. Im going to die. ,-2.907499999999999,-1.3696734166666662,1.2966666666666669,100.015,95.66666666666669,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-1.0519833333333333,74,1,21,1,3,28,20,24,0.158,0.7290000000000001,0.113,-0.2782,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107237892532519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001020045739207,0.2827223441335592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249126239787399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274755902133488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334241021108906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535262073269818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147145756103645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357924359650835,0.0,0.0,0.4615275093739217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heyheymeltingbrain,2019/01/10,"I just get home everyday and I take Xanax till I black out. Not being awake , or the feeling o freedom (of letting go, of nothing really matters) that kicks in before I pass out it’s still one of the things that helps stay sane. Sometimes some whiskey helps. I just don’t want to be here. And I want, just going to finish some small personal projects this semester, than slip into the sleep of nothingness. Cheers!",2.8840822784810136,5.392276189873421,3.1979588607594955,89.72326740506331,78.2405063291139,6.481645569620253,25.064873417721518,7.6454224807358475,1.3631886075949369,325,12,63,5,8,100,60,79,0.0,0.789,0.211,0.9312,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,16,11,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,12,8,2,13,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,3,4,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189942045147595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012882994532435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445985504438446,0.0,0.2925269705379111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34500565104578185,0.0,0.2581528280593888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631677963004984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24694363548348036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743936372409783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471661990971425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648712554888397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575456270763418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545353881898797,0.0,0.0,0.2743112666111695,0.20552784071984173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350251441091945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097839216231214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035949146369365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MediocreAssistant,2019/01/10,I want my boyfriend to break up with me so I can kill myself without hurting him I hate myself so much. I'm toxic. I just want him to be okay and fucking stab myself until there's nothing left,1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,2.797743902439024,93.26051829268292,81.1951219512195,4.1000000000000005,22.445121951219512,3.1291,-0.131687804878049,152,5,32,0,4,50,31,41,0.194,0.598,0.208,-0.5131,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,7,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,6,6,1,4,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054276132915837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261782490185318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536747172214802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655124835382805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358954872506433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428646318977343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31700501950501697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389729063669447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184710132794257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azula96,2019/01/10,I really feel bad In three days i will go back to my family for a month(schoolbreak) and right now i really feel terrible my hearth hurts my face hurts my arm hurts i hardly breathe.  I am to stressed to wright details its about school stuff and lying to my parents. I just need to hear something from someone i couldnt think anywhere else but here,3.4922549019607843,5.626768029411769,3.580000000000002,89.58166666666668,74.58823529411767,7.47450980392157,24.568627450980397,8.344100000000001,1.4664039215686273,278,9,56,5,6,85,49,68,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.8917,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,9,9,3,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,4,12,0,9,7,0,6,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474853706035071,0.16014825662914506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369765706068847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602275585003484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808156601141125,0.0,0.19396364407620426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090065845131046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181863291669455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617695108873075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159901711212187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309605432856768,0.0,0.0,0.14222017197589415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129755481591108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457489976008447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379949465334667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941158010041753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251483400034708,0.14766002377526258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197107355781599,0.0,0.2195695929744817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229002034607217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymousguy115,2019/01/10,"I want to drop out of High School so badly, it's literally killing me. Why do we ostracize dropouts? Throw away. 

​

These past two years (senior now) have been awful for me. It's honest hell. Junior year I decided I was going to enlist (ended up backing out because I saw what I was getting into was pointless) because I hated school and didnt want to go to college. I enlisted junior year and in the USMC DEP program we worked out every other day. Junior year I kept falling out of runs, getting shit for arm work, picked on for my man tits and acne ect. 

​

Summer comes around and poof, all my acne disappears, i lose all fat and I get amazing run times and become super motivated. School comes back around. One month in and i'm dead, I skip out on PTs and I let myself go due to extreme lack of motivation. Then I finally quit. My acne is returning and I havent had beyond 3 hours of sleep in weeks. I was supposed to graduate in February but its not happening due to shit grades.

​

So I can either go through another 20 weeks of hell and go into an apprenticeship program (my area has plenty), get a GED and do the exact same damn thing without an ounce of support. Or just blow my fucking brains out because I'm going insane. **and to anyone who says just suck it up- its only a few months. Education is the most important thing in the world: Suck my average sized, vainey, hairy \[explicit deleted\]**

​

In tenth grade the thought of military or labor life never crossed my mind. I was a happy little fellow who  enjoyed creating things. Writing obscure screenplays, Creating video games in unity, Making EDM in music programs, uploading videos to my rapidly growing channel. AND getting ready for college. Now all i do is pray to move out of my mothers house and get a job so I can have a shred of silence while I write and create imaginary worlds. 

​

My mom bitches at me about minimal tasks and shit grades. My dad does too and says I'll stay in until I graduate (spoiler alert, if I dont graduate Im dropping out anyways and I'll be homeless. I dont give a single fuck dad). other poolees and marines called me a slew of bad names (I dont care enough to report them). My teachers constantly holler at me about missing work but what is it all for? Its a very unhealthy environment for me. 

​

I mentioned getting a GED for my happiness and of course im met with ""Its only a year, suck it up"" or ""I'd be very disappointed in you""  (which translates to ""Im either going to kick you out or humiliate you until you kill yourself""). But I just want to know, whats so bad about just doing my own thing? My mom is a dropout, shes a high tier hygienist at one of the largest dental places in the US. My dad passed high school, went to college, knocked up my mom who was 17 and mooched off his mom until just the past few years. My idol, Quentin Tarantino dropped out and literally became the best screenwriter of all time for gods sake!  So why cant I leave on my own without everyone in my family belittling me and making me feel like shit?

​

Im not saying I want to drop out and become famous or anything crazy. I want to drop out and enjoy what life has to offer instead of being caged up everywhere I go. I'm not the problem, there arent any repressed memories dammit! school is the literal problem!!!!! I don't think I can take this brutal cycle anymore. I've not only lost my strength, but in the past two months I have lost my confidence, energy, and will to do anything but write and listen to music. I just want an entry level job, why do I have to suffer this much. I, as a 17 year old man who was going to be a US marine have cried myself to sleep at least 3 times a week in the past few months like a baby who wants to eat in the middle of the night, why do I have to continue like this? ",3.4665623187160293,5.106569446920054,4.58334744215027,84.4807268547365,73.40366972477067,7.257538190490514,27.44921900178329,7.925487318751,1.7161476870850612,3020,114,590,43,61,989,350,763,0.158,0.718,0.124,-0.991,4,0,0,0,0,0,128.0,4,4,1,14,25,44,17,1,34,1,48,15,10,5,8,111,101,49,3,11,25,8,1,3,1,1,3,4,0,2,29,48,2,2,7,4,0,21,15,30,0,5,17,6,80,14,105,78,20,127,3,6,1,3,41,56,14,8,47,384,109,32,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31654429281245783,0.35499410390542063,0.028381707018664,0.04376352020682053,0.0,0.0,0.04139059945030077,0.029182571679388362,0.0,0.06868984958983416,0.07430724254695832,0.0,0.0,0.039212063784906485,0.06418435385732893,0.10454269800853323,0.07632508560085728,0.09218760276718027,0.0,0.0,0.04379904201583322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659084376291783,0.042616815791545366,0.0,0.04255232744950094,0.0,0.0,0.07190321963312267,0.0,0.04510146456752416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045844706434914416,0.02691607364044877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652319211670215,0.0,0.14674178788166256,0.0,0.0,0.04270604018897014,0.0,0.0,0.03696544218023631,0.043124134513541815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035164127098400264,0.03988024967005119,0.0,0.0,0.0393447033567502,0.0,0.021102823818900263,0.02981599225165668,0.0,0.045719419068211836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716796382618743,0.15263626384991766,0.04003668621323202,0.21347423978678354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036906741468362,0.08885685694510599,0.0,0.041205362949815534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228817475350527,0.0,0.0,0.04110125725250675,0.04815739398706755,0.0,0.0,0.1803268705150874,0.0,0.08283248418626794,0.0,0.09234873626430944,0.0,0.02293684910827307,0.0,0.0,0.044192079892340703,0.0,0.04267758069039025,0.0589583180312938,0.061169864261388485,0.041830135526763006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046691572459037683,0.0911188929391798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571780735297557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042141159252536746,0.19552138858404972,0.13325214948406516,0.04435844386763809,0.030680541498801537,0.0,0.032189144583426664,0.0,0.0,0.03916612697607822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043794596203510436,0.0,0.056562380578997935,0.09522564106295496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936579167611634,0.0,0.0,0.043604923264060236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987085629241407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439105404943336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956971080555167,0.0,0.211193781626748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136438420463668,0.0,0.0,0.08353168157746144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044484702838464917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047361177503465135,0.0,0.0,0.03138005215172969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109093776730682,0.026742551196034026,0.0,0.0331334836909002,0.07300926648860066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815394284730501,0.0,0.10040581607343292,0.0,0.0,0.06887264644521206,0.17231757939468334,0.0,0.10043358267983474,0.0,0.0,0.03868941181469715,0.1506399098621089,0.0,0.0,0.08046345046403562,0.0,0.09115225949719637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35499410390542063,0.18813495603218267
suicidewatch,PlsbuffAzir,2019/01/10,"Why don't I have the guts to end this once and for all First I would like to tell you a little bit of my story: I've been beaten by my father who was an alcoholic. Either my mom didn't care or she didn't know but she is regretting it since so I really can't be mad at her. I was also bullied in school and I was in classes where everyone hated each other and it came to some sort of ""trashtalking contests"" where everyone insulted everyone. 

And now i am 22 years old with no job, depression, anxiety, no gf and no future. My mom just lost her job because she got sick (nothing serious tho she won against cancer and now has problems with her knee) and know we are at the grace of the job center ( it's an institution in Germany supposed to help the unemployed but in reality it treats those ""customers"" like cattle and you have to endure every bullshit they give to you for a little bit of money). I seriously can't handle all this shit anymore and I would love if I didn't wake up in my sleep anymore. It's -5°C outside and I can't grow the balls to take a nap outside with a T-Shirt and shorts. ",2.2845253964605843,3.825892681222708,4.156814525396463,86.72734313950819,76.33624454148472,7.26646747874052,24.71638703746265,8.032893268588372,1.3525144104803497,860,29,183,14,19,292,136,229,0.257,0.644,0.099,-0.9925,5,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,3,1,4,8,18,5,0,11,0,20,9,5,0,2,33,31,18,0,5,6,3,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,10,17,1,0,2,2,1,2,10,11,0,1,11,0,27,7,26,17,7,23,0,3,0,1,22,14,1,4,9,126,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431516815262753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050735049768893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614590817378522,0.0,0.24928430560199016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661419990976519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744230214857449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374601155392694,0.1281405384419996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824918446686163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131639439331392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589197936539108,0.3602818204470508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690451370847492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056502749198275,0.0,0.0,0.10051887711726144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240843383091918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424157667903308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37415811638199625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814239413273174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228031432151471,0.2519315116599617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719606779819454,0.0,0.11343234822445618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943930157500869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059466933902645,0.0,0.13188146159637612,0.1338465630016267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026010261459325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051470733497341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719626171033785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901012575530327,0.10396493248403883,0.0,0.12577214098340822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944967530585176,0.0,0.10985106172798806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340789280852435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856088621465896,0.0,0.0,0.08093468513002587
suicidewatch,ImperfectExWife,2019/01/10,"I can't do this anymore It's like I have the smallest ounce of fight left in me and I can feel it disappearing. It hurts, but its also refreshing. It feels like I'm coming up for air to finally gave the courage to kill myself. ",0.8362499999999997,2.921635124999998,2.904,91.34100000000001,83.16666666666666,6.34,22.1,7.554174236665415,0.8357450000000002,178,6,40,3,5,60,39,48,0.187,0.6459999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,3,6,8,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580569554499142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200241008570551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27797088611204235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263258956322909,0.2305314790851142,0.0,0.35349369599200314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454488344094797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570112740666792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506061821074373,0.0,0.0,0.3153023644624811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enigmaticCertainty,2019/01/10,"Spin the Wheel, Take a Ride Hey there! You can call me EC.

I wanted to share with you all how my life is going currently, as well as some of the obstacles I am facing. I also hope that this may be of help to those of you out there that need it. I also talk about 

# About Myself

So, to start, I'd like to tell you a little about myself. I am 17, about to be 18. I skipped two years of high school to attend a well-known University Academy, where I am currently earning my Associate's degree for free. I want to be a theoretical physicist.

Another thing you should know about me is that I have a few different 'conditions' that make me who I am: Attention-Deficit-Disorder (ADD), Tourette's Syndrome (TS), and Asperger's Syndrome (AS) - also known as High-Functioning Autism (HFA). I have always been that 'odd' kind of kid - the one who would sit by himself and just daydream while all of the other kids played kickball.

I also *love* computers. It is an obsession of mine, and I have been programming ever since I was 7. I also love to make hacks for games - in fact, for a period of about 5 years, that's all I did when I got home after school. Every day, lmao...

# The Current Situation

When I get *way* too stressed, there's a good chance that I'll go into a depressive episode unless whatever is causing the stress is dealt with. Well, without going into the details, this is what happened in the middle of November 2018, and believe me - the stress that I was put under felt as heavy as a 2-ton truck, and there was no way I could continue performing at my best in such a chaotic environment. This is where the depressive episode starts to sink in...

I attempted to get the help of my parents (who were actually the ones who were causing the stress in the first place), but they were not willing to help me as they had once said they would if I ever needed anything. This came as a surprise, and it hurt to think that my parents didn't care about me as much as I had once thought. Nevertheless, it became apparent to me that I would need to take matters into my own hands, and quick, because by late November I was ready to kill myself.

To help prevent this from happening, I moved to my other parent's house (they are divorced, and the house is less stressful), and decided to make 'friends' there. However, by this time, the stress was still present (yet somewhat less than what it would have been at my other parent's house), and I realized that it was too late to prevent a depressive episode from occurring - I just had to deal with it, for however long it may take.

I went to the doctor around the start of December and was prescribed an anti-depressant. This anti-depressant has helped some, and I am glad that it has, though at times I still feel the depression, and am still suicidal. I have been taking this anti-depressant for about 5 weeks now.

This depressive episode affects a multitude of areas within my life. Academically, for example, I cannot perform anywhere near as well as I have in the past. My once-sharp focus has been dwindled down to the dull haze it is now. In addition, relationships between me and my family members have become weaker, giving way to a feeling of isolation. This, at first, did not help my depression, but after taking some time to think about it, I remembered something that I told myself long ago when I was dealing with my first time being depressed (a few years back)...

# Life: A Concept

What I remembered wasn't very complicated. It wasn't an equation full of symbols and funky-looking variables.

It was a realization. A concept. An idea; and a simple one at that.

Life, at least for me, is about enjoyment. The fun. The experience. And so, after remembering this basic - yet widely forgotten - concept, I decided that I would live my life having fun - and that I wouldn't let anyone prevent me from enjoying whatever adventures I seek.

Among the many lessons that I've learned over the years, if I had to choose the most important one, it would be the one that I learned during my first acid trip: you are free. Free to do what you want, when you want, how you want, with whomever you want, for whatever reason you want, and wherever you want. Now, that doesn't mean there aren't consequences for what you do, and that doesn't mean that you should go around doing just *anything* per-say, but if there's one thing it does mean, it's that you shouldn't let others dictate how you live, nor should you let others' judgments of you weigh as much as they do.

Perhaps for some, this isn't the best way to go about things, but it's the best that I can do in my situation, and that will just have to work.

# In Closing

So there you go: that's my story. Wherever you may be in *your* life, I wish you the best of luck.

Now, it's time that I have the fun that I deserve! :)

And as they say, ""Spin the wheel, take a ride, and hold on tight because it's gonna get bumpy!""",4.7699587478767285,5.7519811345951615,5.290973711882232,83.18792380490173,69.41009463722398,8.838637871066895,29.03665776914989,9.099692510218473,2.2539039424087997,3813,137,765,71,65,1223,360,951,0.078,0.7859999999999999,0.136,0.9934,11,1,1,0,1,1,173.0,0,22,6,14,62,46,1,7,56,0,95,12,2,10,6,132,151,64,2,28,15,4,5,1,1,17,7,2,1,2,76,38,1,5,23,2,3,14,15,17,3,11,33,8,109,32,127,91,22,109,0,9,0,2,62,39,0,14,52,580,185,10,0.0,0.0,0.04235517127479282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038474235394962884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735472441810367,0.03611486181772931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045511941878667035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030348461455241095,0.0,0.07143411744331514,0.07727593411085149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337431002430297,0.0,0.05291626211868162,0.04793532146460723,0.0,0.04890043837239983,0.18219553135995029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044319424813006485,0.049641591473000006,0.044252360059963136,0.08917389326327663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03465384904619917,0.0,0.0,0.02799141324410895,0.08949339459767984,0.3738303229772333,0.0,0.0,0.045347008737847264,0.04974372067503896,0.044424918968886035,0.0379823512592956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852118997188834,0.03656898944950578,0.0,0.0,0.042456566865070586,0.04091658632448717,0.0,0.04389182984287705,0.0,0.04167378905529979,0.0,0.0,0.14767464192618462,0.0,0.0,0.03353313265665922,0.0,0.06802899573583028,0.04163621498773,0.14800191495647472,0.03640446674720054,0.034713429466582395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676244802525284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455312558594832,0.09171553068497076,0.04353685500515527,0.043109078384399306,0.0,0.15024407354410488,0.046463923526333634,0.04899682454609272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048019106981875864,0.04519765669436265,0.023853212414406924,0.0,0.09792118997972638,0.0,0.0,0.13314785209626145,0.1839413875408051,0.02120456561258971,0.043501315430610664,0.0766514769930232,0.07682076742447302,0.03644767837004971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783459969359783,0.0,0.08691573248237637,0.044003937920076466,0.0,0.14183612212413488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461306336782621,0.06381255506415455,0.09654856122632223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244578446059007,0.17646641074105374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927760548120156,0.0,0.041433176615673514,0.0,0.0,0.045347008737847264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436321103643019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462562257966101,0.0,0.04659869355648589,0.1475017772629388,0.0,0.041286293789378994,0.06903178521962534,0.0,0.08785252254944931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03590349846996984,0.09757382115048238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033413832107591926,0.0,0.0,0.0921628271876619,0.0,0.10398533149771123,0.0,0.2983086732540832,0.0,0.0,0.047475954242706286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580240843466007,0.03488577317478056,0.03793622842279908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865052867079885,0.055621916608595515,0.04264333207288714,0.03445721863441404,0.12654350310221196,0.0,0.0,0.04147352855786104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239852863694936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035812108660719204,0.20480221546610455,0.13780546375520125,0.034815354249302835,0.0,0.1560984221091984,0.0402351148515673,0.0,0.0,0.04991143082481958,0.041839046123002065,0.0,0.03159797868742615,0.0,0.0,0.1849939306983739,0.0,0.0,0.11180071103992656
suicidewatch,needsomeadvice__,2019/01/10,"ARRRRRRTGGGHGHHGGGHGHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJHGGFGFGGGGGGHBHGGGGFFGGVHVVGH REEEE^N

I want to die. Gotta study. Won't study. Classic social reject. Bad upbringing. Neglected everywhere. All fucked up, constant low self esteem. No hope. Just. Want. To. Die. Can't have a relationship. Gonna be 27. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I am fucked and I guess I need to accept my fate. 

I'll just lay here until something happens I guess.",10.153246527777778,13.086205609375005,16.956041666666668,-20.17076388888887,110.09375,5.1722222222222225,20.743055555555557,6.42735559955562,1.2591763888888896,405,11,49,6,18,169,50,64,0.388,0.509,0.103,-0.9761,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,12,16,2,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,5,12,1,4,0,3,0,2,3,2,2,3,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789678660304026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23024292764087226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422467414200711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939423715348687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694207678169969,0.0,0.1884088751184188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161735131543608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579818108368901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287474581862516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222687789791554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718855430320014,0.0,0.1640245375894228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513374444821955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tomka7000,2019/01/10,"Just a little thing that might help some... So basically I was thinking about suicide a few months ago when my one year old kitten got hit by a car. It was a strange feeling to think about giving up everything you have done to that point in your life. One of the biggest holdback was my only true friend. I didn't tell him about a thing, but when I thought about leaving him alone, I just couldn't. I've known him throught all my life, from the month I was born and to give it all up just because of something rather small compared to my best friend's mental well being just felt wrong. The other thing before I thought about him was about 'I have no reason to live and no reason to kill myself other than my cat'. I was desperate to find a reason to live, but the help came to me. The day he found out that my cat died, he came over ASAP to get me through this horrible accident.

The moral of the story is that if you don't have a reason to live, then find someone that would care enough for you. I think I was very lucky to have a friend that had basically kept me on the living side of the world.

If family doesn't help, like mine (my dad left me when I was seven, my mom doesn't see me often and my sister doesn't care about me) try to find someone that does (maybe without even knowing).

Keep on living people! The reason will come to you.",5.637282608695653,4.89627859782609,5.609188405797101,87.6198695652174,67.36956521739131,8.374492753623189,27.09565217391304,7.03164865440522,1.0595234782608691,1047,24,233,7,15,328,144,276,0.141,0.728,0.13,-0.7434,0,1,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,5,0,1,19,12,1,0,18,0,25,2,0,5,3,46,47,12,3,5,10,3,2,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,15,7,0,2,18,0,0,4,9,2,1,3,19,3,37,10,38,22,6,29,1,0,1,0,23,14,0,6,12,164,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727691416691942,0.0,0.0,0.09028880461787236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314212750170644,0.0,0.07418097920648155,0.0,0.09148660326816052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941391759902447,0.17776497933913954,0.0,0.0,0.07509503662090272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622178105608239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047568578054814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628894682353182,0.08921206532690241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900768693547448,0.0,0.057579410190779876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783488267419449,0.0,0.08218246566674348,0.0,0.04407917574680517,0.0,0.08370333514823612,0.0,0.23903386481193706,0.0,0.0,0.09558478845974012,0.20205758379249086,0.0,0.045546245085594336,0.16725573250838185,0.0,0.0,0.06972319740185669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529818026271715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748668612565779,0.09644813913823384,0.0,0.04791005277767648,0.0,0.0,0.09230757328536776,0.09471777585462847,0.0,0.1231510097672258,0.04259014844530055,0.0873739889609216,0.3848932634755461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758074599405126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785364302488684,0.09248073765372566,0.0,0.10210033647175716,0.13916727368228002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147731694020768,0.0,0.11814642133183766,0.0663018340426525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060437370326778136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241019102108625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481610057136175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694685696659618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772912652743875,0.06711290839854593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535719692265886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619630741327489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374904393273988,0.16757799205509585,0.0,0.13841717708006754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918727950994195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192993489542117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838235278161866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403526003524706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192785014535946,0.09531407267949146,0.0,0.05613895807247204
suicidewatch,theunicornbadit,2019/01/10,"I need someone to adopt my cats so I can kill myself. Well, the title says it all.
I've been wanting to die for 10 years now. I've been through therapy for severe depression, I've tried. But I just can't get better, nor even a little bit.
I have two cats, that I love. I don't want to die and live them by their chances. I am trying to find a home for them but its hard without explaining why I want to give them up.

I live in RJ. ",0.10967251461988424,1.697149768421056,2.1898245614035083,98.16321637426904,82.89473684210526,5.485380116959064,18.976608187134506,6.42735559955562,-0.2637953216374269,328,8,83,3,9,110,66,95,0.196,0.728,0.076,-0.8354,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,4,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,12,15,5,3,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,2,15,3,13,13,2,5,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925861418394216,0.19659144703664289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509532472648085,0.0,0.3737715883400711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893553177863456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645820947124045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940799299927982,0.17274099737213733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130870021651894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806264031985841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992224421795559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047895604098765,0.31801287868564143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252156511853427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352074042589018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320008954622054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034295470801422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257400314207814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592746112245905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445134654808551,0.0,0.17590369648192314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186325201576074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619059101031768,0.0,0.16248652632638122,0.0,0.0,0.1735825064433952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596014633920472
suicidewatch,Fried_Green_Potatoes,2019/01/10,"I thought I could make it to the New Year, but the New Year is killing my spirit I have lost friends and relatives along the way.

I understand why now.

I am tired of struggling.

I am tired of the pain.

I am tired of injustice.

My heart hurts so much and I now understand why so many choose not to care.

I just want to close my eyes and not have to fight anymore.

I am not afraid to die.",-0.3280487804878049,1.8158191219512216,0.9909268292682932,102.56321951219513,89.4878048780488,5.231219512195122,19.175609756097558,6.742157984588678,-0.12737463414634176,296,9,75,4,10,93,46,82,0.366,0.504,0.13,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,2,2,4,0,8,6,2,1,0,17,15,6,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,1,13,2,9,12,1,8,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567701432775228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117027923358218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621181152205824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405921566003506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213008179738252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873222879062148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922495249699093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488904253534254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255997848637916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551778372192576,0.16026550792649066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620495838371217,0.0,0.0,0.3053439626193272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820532629404272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525665119746202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549566941505466,0.0,0.5450595922529313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32912795888776664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932380504949385,0.1254743534765362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28528023954753723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359311675582764
suicidewatch,WishIWasInEngland,2019/01/10,i’m going to kill myself on saturday actually - fuck it - i’m going to do it tonight,0.07833333333333314,2.1445157222222235,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,86.22222222222223,8.044444444444443,25.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5798,65,3,13,2,2,26,13,18,0.369,0.631,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.4693489373629342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446410551714431,0.0,0.0,0.5466828836698371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321125179459149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UglyDuckDung,2019/01/10,"Massive debt. No job or education. My phone just got deactivated, that's how bad my debt is. All told it's about 23k from trying to start a business and failing quite well.

I also have a rare form of cancer and treatment makes me tired and depressed, not to mention the effects of the cancer itself.

I have a small time gig that could probably pay me a bit but I have very little little motivation.

I was seeing a therapist but there was some problem with my insurance and I couldn't even afford the copay anymore anyway...

Not sure what to do. I don't want to hurt my family or the oher people around me. Maybe bankruptcy would relieve the pressure of debt, but without my computer hardware I can literally offer no value.",3.8115947242206265,5.925722,5.141888489208637,78.82899580335734,73.60431654676259,7.511031175059952,27.41067146282973,8.344100000000001,2.107057074340528,574,22,102,10,12,191,94,139,0.23,0.675,0.095,-0.9235,5,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,9,9,0,1,10,0,12,3,0,4,2,27,18,11,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,4,0,7,6,1,0,4,1,15,3,12,11,4,6,0,3,1,0,4,4,0,3,2,77,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948154875513167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853765117536845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640031316688272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607215924645526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407053843636624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924209975782546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609957447436493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346029481515318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621353546752835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949869194851087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001039913578552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549135772701408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37469013317606603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124771964006713,0.0,0.1877883897165735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295882596517364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015336561693889,0.17885922077603486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881467922768706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895272568665546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230443589654547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617188234262254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703098387546133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899578911714793,0.2148394751647437,0.0,0.17861209235630907,0.0,0.12690784697850924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423032189457014,0.11025150709257367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806543086600712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018624964103924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278410825818066,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boxofwater2,2019/01/10,"What should I take with antidepressants and alcohol to die? Somebody please. Im sorry I know this isn't made for this, but I just need a quick answer. Please. ",-0.22377880184331644,1.227273903225807,0.9823041474654416,95.90774193548387,116.41935483870968,4.352073732718893,14.105990783410142,6.18269132825596,-0.3735751152073732,125,3,26,2,7,39,26,31,0.123,0.7190000000000001,0.158,0.25,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,9,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114875674914964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024947727279844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314832339620377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160181604608349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757913389304991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611768946362048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6398823413804351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262713333887183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914549302871464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abmsr,2019/01/10,"I need someone to talk Not gonna kill myself, just really down",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,73.61538461538461,8.276923076923078,20.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,1.2693692307692306,50,1,10,1,1,17,13,13,0.0,0.728,0.272,0.5773,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.587342459313032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936423988837487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34009670918999363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498147359921207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42670297511459016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BabyJack_sc2,2019/01/10,"I’m afraid to die but my life is unbearable I’m trans (ftm) and if I transition to male, I will lose my husband and my job.
But I can’t keep living as a woman. Every day is just hopelessness and pain and anger.
But I love my husband so much. He’s so wonderful and perfect - but he’s straight.

I want to die to end the pain and avoid choosing between two unbearable options.
But I also want to live
It just hurts so much",-0.5222284644194772,1.6812658314606743,1.7541853932584284,95.69584737827715,92.93258426966291,5.213857677902623,20.8998127340824,6.816661863887847,0.4820329588014976,325,12,74,5,12,109,53,89,0.308,0.504,0.188,-0.9501,1,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,1,2,2,0,4,4,0,0,1,22,11,17,2,3,8,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,10,2,7,10,2,3,0,3,0,1,7,1,0,3,2,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782212497106524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727555369649618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40963992201893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479507538778413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627736297976034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112691325069257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958411622306689,0.17541530516281573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393953789970743,0.0,0.0,0.34853042577242777,0.0,0.0,0.22078613014171453,0.0,0.0,0.17811766153017003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29015249097105605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199923574488068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927839856145948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328063533662727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140195568502405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,souththroaway,2019/01/10,"My World is crushed In the last days, I found out, through my sister, that my father has a secret family. He might have a secret son. His ""girlfriend from there"" said he was a pedo and that he once flirted with a 14 year girl and got beaten up by her father. He fell in love with his girlfriend's sister and when she got pregnant he made her have an abortion. He often badmouthed me and my sister to his secret family.

He had been spending all our money there, with call girls and according to her with underage girls. He's a terrible person by all means. I've always known that my parents aren't the best, but all that is just nauseating.

I've always fancied myself as being pretty resilient. I mean, while I do have suicidal thoughts, I have gone through some stuff without becoming bitter or a jackass. I have a speech problem and as a result I also have a thick accent in my native language. My head is going bald, I am going bald, I am only 16. But I am still among the best students in my school even with all that stuff, and I am proud of my resilience.

But somehow that made me lost all the hope. I was studying for University entrance exams. I was also studying for the ACT, because I want(ed) to study in the U.S. Now I wonder: what is that all for? Everything seems impossible, every dream I ever had sounds delusional. It seems like I have always been headed to failure. I can't cope it anymore. All is going to end in failure. I was not born the brightest neither was I born in the best family. All ends in failure.

Suicide surely seems like a good way out, but I'm too much of a coward. I want to kill myself, for sure, but I don't have the balls to do it. I will probably go on, living a miserable life and a lonely existence.

",2.985554009738647,4.7375433717579245,4.379145384080296,84.97818443804034,74.93659942363112,6.630587300009937,25.222001391235214,7.372421405659032,1.2588045115770643,1358,46,263,16,29,450,177,347,0.198,0.7020000000000001,0.101,-0.9916,1,2,0,0,0,2,48.0,1,0,0,6,13,20,3,1,23,0,35,6,4,3,11,57,58,20,3,3,9,7,1,2,2,2,1,3,0,4,13,15,0,0,12,2,2,7,6,8,0,0,18,5,43,12,39,37,14,35,0,3,0,1,35,15,0,10,14,196,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744404198185846,0.245728613281874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976255181393938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000779667989025,0.10871867773962852,0.0,0.0,0.309918500402902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051772089206804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348532445349245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437633153540372,0.0,0.0,0.06501835176932594,0.0890441504036738,0.08293951219582732,0.0,0.08847106215473981,0.0,0.27839995812495344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793381487028764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378171259901056,0.08256637000951733,0.15746209834855102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020546238350921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777262063395856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890870568505287,0.0,0.0,0.08024131922743027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695307198116745,0.09618512049183098,0.0,0.0869238691934505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074583269343148,0.0,0.08884547899988032,0.18629164269879472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445891647196394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442873785496902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236434843651217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048348393426217,0.0,0.07486766457755309,0.0,0.0,0.10930539912253937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595356175258989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014834638962797,0.1061344148723954,0.09419329308272832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363849312797967,0.0,0.0,0.09962601476156896,0.0,0.26884683141815785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861390028155057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253793189189878,0.21535363952884368,0.0,0.1855561002047932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814995569154003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612431805668202,0.07813668161078087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948921512029206,0.10675342287985844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339180119812876
suicidewatch,ballsforboys,2019/01/10,"I’m just gonna do it Maybe today or tomorrow or soon. I think I’m gonna slash my wrists or just hang myself. 

Fuck everything. I’m done ",-2.2248387096774174,-0.4676489677419298,0.9118709677419368,99.56780645161292,103.19354838709677,5.060645161290323,12.651612903225805,6.742157984588678,-0.6012632258064516,106,2,27,2,5,37,21,31,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563795644814694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008068112210855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122897452772845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44803427167910337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857579512014019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42272502157766106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossaway2hell,2019/01/10,"I need to break some really bad news to my sister. I really need advice. Background: I moved away the minute I turned 18. My sister and I have been thousands of miles apart our whole lives but are still each other’s best friends. Now, we live an hour and a half away from each other

I’m on my 3rd week since moving out. 

Since I was raped and sexually assaulted twice after in August 2017, I had this idea in my head that the way to fix myself was to move away from the town in which it happened in. So I saved up money and on my 18th birthday I moved away across the country. This idea is what kept me alive and kept me going since everything happened. 

Nothing changed when I moved, In fact things got so much worse for me. Suicide felt like the only option. 

I packed all of my things and am driving home tomorrow. I stopped by at my sisters to say goodbye, I leave tomorrow. This is so I don’t do anything to myself. I need help more than anything. I just don’t know how to tell this to my sister. I HATE people knowing what happened to me, I can’t stand the idea of family who’s extremely close to me knowing. I also know I’m going to hurt her so much if she doesn’t know. 

Please help

I was deleted from advice and told to post here because of the mention of suicide. ",2.1635682158920524,3.962355398467433,3.2578743961352683,91.91695652173915,77.39080459770116,5.918440779610195,22.458937198067627,6.7026698264267655,0.4620883225054144,993,29,213,9,23,319,147,261,0.155,0.7390000000000001,0.106,-0.9522,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,2,0,0,1,11,9,3,0,9,0,15,2,1,1,2,37,37,16,2,4,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,14,12,0,3,9,0,1,8,4,5,0,3,10,2,39,4,39,27,9,41,0,1,0,1,16,19,0,3,11,148,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180510699945714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029989215961076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446813741260995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303693517803337,0.0,0.07339939982904904,0.05358782183473435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225388644897188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929948706639241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790059255394507,0.0,0.08287171656699681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440534133212305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791740256843135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999201371165011,0.0,0.0703079544566358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320991829408105,0.0,0.0,0.08679082234919147,0.09021883640153497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784558495605316,0.0,0.08817876153188313,0.0,0.08657154460392155,0.0,0.09410719336477287,0.29771185633122776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415593327779741,0.0,0.0,0.09308174180746027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042947345055546884,0.0,0.15524852013389734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671607705642106,0.12924479903465586,0.1955477159664882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434997249034452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685789668243332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094424866838932,0.0,0.0,0.09649644340759043,0.0,0.0,0.08419143981665345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263206551328607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699078668668273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815489630812224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020333881768863,0.07349491586746537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923138842789851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683535338317249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680416583402208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399973732958732,0.0,0.0,0.095618519561665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977717571022052,0.07051439107472939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814599787607146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958563006733766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Diaro202,2019/01/10,"I think about killing myself for 1 1/2 years now and planned it our First of all im not edgy and dont wanna be a meme like, '' guy im gonna kill myself, can we Hit 50 likes''

I dont have anything enjoyable left in my life, the only Thing that is any fun is watching youtube Videos or memes, other from that I have nothing.

Im Bad at my Job and hate it, everybody in my family hates each other and noboy Talks to me, wich is my fault because i have a social anxiety.
I have no friend because of that and because my working hours are shit, and most of my freetime I just lay in bed and Look at the wall and think about what IT would be like if I hade a gf and friend.
I also think that I have Depression but im not Sure because I dont wanna go to a therpyst because I dont want my family to be concernd.

Now im gonna talk about how im gonna kill myself, im 16 at the Moment and when im gonna be 18 im gonna fly to texas, buy a super shorty, because i read that it is cheap but still a good shotgun and im gonna shoot myself in the head next to, a shooting Ranch because then noboy will notice because you hear shots there all the time.
(i even roughly callculated how much IT will cost, about 1700€) 
Im not gonna write a suicide Letter because I dont want my family to be even more sad when i write them how much i love them.

And im not a edgy Teen as some as you May think because im 16, I wanna actualy do.
(my firt language isnt Englisch so im sorry if you cant understand some bits)

And dont Tell me that im not allowed to kill myself because other people have it a lot harder then you, I know that, I know a lot of people who have it worse in their lives, but saying that is like saying to not throw youre food away because people in africa have no food.
It doesnt change anything for those african Kids if I eat my food or throw it away, people only say that to make you feel guilty. ",3.3799049881235135,2.9029957980997634,4.879737767220902,90.07114109263658,72.0166270783848,7.686118764845606,25.86612826603325,6.742157984588678,0.7980589263657953,1465,38,357,10,25,496,183,421,0.141,0.7759999999999999,0.083,-0.9662,2,0,0,3,0,5,31.0,2,6,3,4,18,23,7,0,16,0,34,8,2,5,3,60,59,32,5,9,15,0,2,4,3,11,1,4,1,2,25,15,4,0,8,2,3,3,17,11,0,1,0,8,48,12,36,42,12,29,0,2,2,1,29,13,1,11,17,216,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03610750282843919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030704453164415193,0.0,0.034540644382100485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431139600640793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484232292102614,0.0,0.037699475141667146,0.3302859852031293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049293559005483885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776412100184035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888877494988106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31750213969245245,0.0,0.0,0.04620108332305629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964405615760041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769396858589785,0.0,0.02282986943520458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840569880697862,0.16379150482786867,0.0,0.06976761215428459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02566054173568786,0.037870793980201815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044706916050802285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915518266630995,0.04633829143223757,0.0,0.050888831170003784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04446496567237058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7315677770511216,0.0,0.04480572873077927,0.0,0.1998130306648409,0.0,0.04962798105984961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049057052889898235,0.0,0.03189172013956212,0.08823463794489547,0.0,0.03986945219715636,0.0,0.03791574611417578,0.0,0.0,0.07677209342682369,0.040750838760247966,0.0,0.03013886383169842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638284645031138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801895240403057,0.0,0.0,0.043323919521226564,0.051405089235016375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686792431511412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520899043058514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516354926677688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771845118452424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046347192096303634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602609558248305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054321809728962,0.0,0.0,0.03605791100177416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049388227401443205,0.0,0.04255459481757157,0.0,0.0,0.07258185858985343,0.03946425313581002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02999653782291652,0.11572459826403413,0.0,0.0,0.02632810401424391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700412758035415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053262849326052665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03287070648148811,0.0,0.046013063344389225,0.032074209856883334,0.0,0.0,0.029075976610471305
suicidewatch,ilovemygf69,2019/01/10,"Today is the day...... :-) Soon I will finally be at peace. Everything will finally be done. I am done. I am done.

I am done.",-3.1442666666666668,-2.6750637600000005,1.1389999999999991,94.31783333333335,126.6,6.466666666666668,16.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,0.9532666666666664,86,3,21,3,6,32,14,25,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325352509807905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8412215512575996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469677091758974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502465524388696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479695525532292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-085346,2019/01/10,"Difficult to make friends when you don't have any to start off with So called 'friends' I've had in the past were fake and wasn't true friends, it's so difficult to find good ones these days ",16.467999999999996,5.8029478000000045,12.990000000000002,73.17500000000003,58.5,18.0,52.5,11.20814326018867,5.295249999999999,152,5,38,2,1,44,33,40,0.22,0.594,0.18600000000000005,-0.1593,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,1,5,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366257733519985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30581143467579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314542729064765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737272345865543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6941526509092044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511969018447482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999110244058061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294128540890408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28589583997254425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119796343999818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GingerOs27,2019/01/10,"I feel like it's getting closer and I really don't know if anything will stop it I can't handle the insane mood swings I get. I'm tired of how low my lows are. I feel like I've been saddled with a garbage body and no amount of medicine is going to fix the dysphoria I have and sometimes I feel like I'm making it even worse like I'm not actually trans and am just pumping myself full of hormones that are wrong. Because of this, I feel disgusting, like no one would want to see me or be around me. I don't really see it getting any better, though I just started seeing a psychiatrist and stuff. I'm so tired of dealing with everything, and I want to stop. ",3.882101449275364,4.29772822463768,5.097246376811594,85.82818840579714,71.10144927536231,8.162318840579712,27.65217391304348,8.167268648758528,1.5903999999999998,517,17,113,7,9,172,83,138,0.195,0.665,0.14,-0.8335,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,1,0,4,0,12,3,1,2,0,26,32,11,0,4,5,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,7,15,6,11,28,2,9,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,2,8,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.1386491011221288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661893513551773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169193261988134,0.12648088155907028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661034717459126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565777571198405,0.0,0.1578182999054319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647773039134032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938421727013377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769189725465638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873586658327165,0.3045048790901996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269203086961525,0.0,0.08074705659881411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808317994220887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470643457910496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948391724815964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627674925752087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203953740052908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396569098385097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052026285833155,0.0,0.10056460452444027,0.0,0.0,0.2375696552279957,0.0,0.0,0.16264704036440686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959239173888027,0.0,0.0,0.3265989792371713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760434574783128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479115321976735,0.10092920349666873,0.15534163409490706,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fbjyfkn,2019/01/10,Can't cope My mum might have cancer. She does everything for me and without her I have nothing.,2.16,4.604149473684213,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,80.57894736842105,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.1981368421052632,76,3,15,1,2,24,18,19,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41030857270992577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213873255891988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973936730000405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498904237692941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519709477983511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Californian_dream,2019/01/10,"It's over Well, the title is pretty clear. It's over, I've decided to commit suicide. I can not take it anymore, the pain has totally destroyed me, I am not the person I would like to be. I haven't written this post looking for encouragement to stay alive or anything like that. I do not know if I can write this but if it's wrong somebody will erase it. Well, how to commit suicide?, I'm looking for an intimate and private method, I don't want to throw myself on the train tracks. I would like to drown in the bathtub but in my house there is a shower (I don't know if this will make sense in English, I am Spanish and I don't speak English very well). Can you think of any method? If I cut my neck with a knife, will I die? Thank you. I apologize if I made a mistake writing this here.",1.0369578313252994,2.918670572289159,2.6731174698795184,94.37666415662649,81.22891566265059,5.354819277108434,23.02560240963855,6.322622252153567,0.3648807228915665,609,21,138,5,16,200,93,166,0.168,0.6779999999999999,0.153,-0.8631,1,0,2,0,0,5,23.0,0,2,0,0,6,13,2,0,9,0,19,2,1,3,4,31,31,11,4,9,11,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,1,10,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,5,3,0,2,3,21,8,16,23,1,9,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,6,3,95,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468439780262747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672505452024413,0.0,0.0,0.13878048332651013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502690685210254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945937122639882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536578689521369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717431695960154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832386876950513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957599714627888,0.11257186149791362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945019338811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472543279584547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151531294590074,0.17157261599238902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975315413915274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689405629694184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268000681449346,0.0,0.0,0.155265677757236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080609202824287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914980479236566,0.09947120320790732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548963837345085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396011694287293,0.18438685682949035,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WithChester,2019/01/10,"Concrete wall to drive full speed into and die instantly? I live in Rhode Island and I'm following through on suicide I've wanted for 15 years. I'm not interested in any other way.

Where is there a nice concrete structure from a highway or other road that can be driven full speed on, so I can smash my car into? I'm completely serious.

I am doing it as soon as I know of such a location. Please help me find it. ",1.8359117647058842,3.8271193411764735,3.963161764705884,85.57297794117648,79.11764705882355,7.0735294117647065,24.742647058823533,8.07648339933343,1.559382352941177,324,12,66,6,8,111,63,85,0.14400000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.7014,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,13,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,13,11,2,20,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,1,4,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292483286181636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534564564497389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498699616324989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081150786133843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259596674091554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526843076707009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976768623814033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700487254855879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36874679137150135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883791969937886,0.2675845246491224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708965162800736
suicidewatch,Alexbabylon,2019/01/10,"First world problems Hi, I was always against suicide. I understood that some people are just so miserable that feel like it's the only way out. I thought it was pretty sad because as a living organism your main goal is survival, and being so depressed that you start going against your natural instincts is terrifying. Lately, I have started facing problems. I chose the wrong college, and it made my life a lot harder than it should be. MY mental completely went downhill in the past months. I'm currently trying to transfer. But also the bright side is that I met a girl that I'm currently dating. I love her a lot, and she's great. But we also have our fights. She's going to college too, and she may go to a different one. That kills me. She seems like she doesn't like me as much anymore. This could've have been all avoided with just being smarter with my college decisions. I feel suicidal in the mornings usually. I honestly want to end my life. I know people's lives are harder, and I sound like a privileged fucking piece of shit. I realized it a lot harder to kill yourself than I thought it would be. It seems like all the painless ways aren't that painless and hard to accomplish. comment good ways to end it or whatever",3.630784313725492,5.799704823529414,4.398067226890756,83.71654061624652,74.29411764705881,7.390476190476193,29.40056022408964,8.269060116576782,2.2722862745098045,980,43,180,17,21,314,135,238,0.185,0.636,0.179,-0.7595,3,1,0,0,1,2,26.0,2,3,0,4,7,23,5,2,13,0,20,6,2,1,2,39,41,15,4,5,5,0,3,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,16,10,0,1,10,0,0,4,2,12,0,2,9,5,30,11,19,25,9,24,0,3,1,2,17,5,2,8,17,125,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824726064516022,0.0927323164646965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052486304573177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679366792220353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684940973081046,0.0,0.0,0.0889808664557701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598860432966236,0.0,0.0,0.11643774760176565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974168283936678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270127726769172,0.07961731658764386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479623442852964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303038306618884,0.0,0.0,0.1900126391787456,0.09347593653183124,0.0,0.12287002808105225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983406674135467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465978160165311,0.0,0.061248016217703614,0.0,0.12571637160940102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743574899512824,0.27223536100002194,0.0,0.1968183917711676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28424318234521,0.10058470967266288,0.105453260009589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231173920308864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895543775561733,0.0,0.08192591294541614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551895176754776,0.08475999443273448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638818072885743,0.15452577583695112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338103479425865,0.0,0.21327827019427814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291319857815293,0.0,0.0,0.11439810818562572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776464363768394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438085038518304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769519550719201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566477691286923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274244323408047,0.0,0.06573396276969287,0.265382848617979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033119113743168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916831124422828,0.12184912206919912,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suicidalmedstudent,2019/01/10,"I am done... because of my penis. Firstly, I don't need the ever said platitudes (Size of the boat/motion of the ocean). Also, sorry if some portions of this text are seemingly bad written. English is just not my first language and I've not written in English as of 2013. You see, I'm not writing this level-headed.

​

That said, I can't take it anymore, as this has been going on for about 7 years. I've been obsessively searching for stuff that puts me down. I started to accept and to think that no women at all will prefer what I have to offer, unless she has some condition such as vaginismus or a shallow cervix. Still, visually they would prefer a big/thick one, while a small one for functional purposes. No thing will ever compensate for having a small penis. I feel incredibly emasculated for having this shitty body part. I feel like less of a man. I mean, I don't feel like a man at all.

​

And yeah, that word makes me spiteful. ""Compensate"": I'm treated like I have some sort of handicap (which, in truth, is) but there is nothing I can do about it. Fairly fit? Yes, I was. I do get along with people easily, I am a bachelor in chemical engineering and working towards my medical degree in one of the best med schools in my country. There used to be some girls interested in me. See, I am not bragging, but just sayin': ""Been there, done that"". I've been in and out of psychiatrists clinics for ages, done therapy. All kinds of antidepressants, anxiolytics, even Ritalin. I've drown myself in my studies, work, charity, even my take at med school was to find some purpose and leave people satisfied!  I even took in consideration chemical castration at one point. 

​

And finally, I've reached the point where I'm really considering suicide, despite being christian. This feeling won't ever go away and I don't want to spend the next 20, 30, 40 years of my life thinking about how my life would be better if I had a bigger penis. All the orgasms I could provide, to touch the fornix, the notorious ""full"" feeling that women seek, the confidence it would come along. Yeah, I am missing that.

​

About the girls I've been with: they were 4 and no good experiences at all, including 2 girlfriends. The moment my pant drops, their looks change entirely. One girl simply stopped the act the moment she saw it. I've accidentally overheard another one of them talking about an ex-boyfriend, and that was not nice, as she talked to her friend about how good his penis was compared to mine, even though he was a jerk, she missed sex with him. In her words, ""almost doubled me in size"". Why has she chosen me ""in spite of my dick""? If you have a preference, and everyone does, at least stick with it, damn it! You're entitled to it, as there's no blame in liking an anaconda. It feels more pleasurable, it's more aesthetically alluring, right?

​

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suicidewatch,Literally-Worthless,2019/01/10,I've been used And i won't know what happened. I wish i wasn't around. it so much and i was either lied to or taken advantage of i don't want to be around anymore. i did so much and got stabbed and lied to and used. i don't know i just want to talk to her again but she's gone and i can't,-3.310753246753252,-1.8027062571428527,-0.2967532467532443,108.52448051948052,104.42857142857143,3.116883116883117,12.07792207792208,4.851557810540192,-1.829857142857143,222,4,65,1,11,76,39,70,0.134,0.809,0.058,-0.3447,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,0,19,20,10,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,0,11,1,8,11,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25363595561664515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553446609360149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454718473817304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261594846497552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811077742131788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760123586143481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556271160662054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417729515470376,0.0,0.0,0.3016967586136969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941006641622389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rommel658,2019/01/10,"I am so fucking done Everyday I feel more and more like dying 
 nothing i do is good!!!!!
I know I will never amount to anything but  it still hurts when I think about it
People easily leave me  
I never thought it would come to this but I cry myself to sleep nowdays
What makes things worse is that my parents totally support all my decisions and have given me the freedom but I am scared I will never make them happy no matter how hard I try 
",2.3903651685393257,4.33234605617978,3.7307724719101145,88.1296418539326,77.20224719101124,6.247752808988763,23.484550561797754,7.1686216300943375,0.9226280898876404,345,11,69,4,8,113,64,89,0.251,0.601,0.14800000000000002,-0.9021,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,1,1,0,10,2,1,3,5,21,20,8,1,1,3,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,2,17,4,4,14,5,7,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,56,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280169941191224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599498938887638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396460595342128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271015757230012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900186886474412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388715687027392,0.1326523296501674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166140387856504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574251028077202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766353874245185,0.16633594423033174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877802737054212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020467956714648,0.0,0.0,0.19661201613974766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071557896592487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24789035649017385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296316871561127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178168326361612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617955282064235,0.0,0.0,0.12872955931142446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859015764570792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858175986115396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828708312354874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107114355874126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335986678059732,0.1189784893623882,0.0,0.14741195811719207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606690805640647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892273500975372,0.13190423102813106,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,woodstock666,2019/01/10,"Can't find a Job Causing me to feel Suicidal Hello, I am a 26 year old who's having a hard time finding a job. It has been three years since I have graduated and I am unable to find a job in my career. I live at home and it is causing me to feel incredibly suicidal. My day consists of handing in endless applications and fixing my resume and cover letter to no avail. Is anyone else suffering with this as well? ",2.594840336134453,4.175204988235296,5.1104201680672245,80.05117647058826,75.58823529411767,7.680672268907562,26.26050420168067,8.418075326091056,1.8901092436974791,324,12,64,6,7,115,59,85,0.18600000000000005,0.79,0.024,-0.9312,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,9,1,1,2,0,12,11,5,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,4,9,1,10,10,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,44,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116143913153048,0.17019337397727044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412695213549465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071234623755012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875873838183878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797454068364648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554486667384217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879672983322012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661604787225046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944983407532966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466730446955341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429840775910432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740310408607634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36338205246781613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685669012290303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934761690899148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393130740121544
suicidewatch,h87987y9gop,2019/01/10,"my crooked teeth make me want to kill myself When I see someones eyes glance towards my teeth and look away permanently it makes me imagine my unconscious body clawing at the rope around my neck while streams of blood pour from my eye sockets. Anyone that says looks dont matter in society and its all about what comes out of your mouth and how you act is so unbelievably full of shit their entire kin should be shot through the mouth to understand what its like to instantly lose respect of people in your community just because you opened your mouth to show that you were happy for a second. Society has forced me to think of how others see me constantly there's no other option when you are constantly reminded every face you look at and every other face that wants to tell you and watch how you react. Braces cost well over 20,000 for whats wrong with my teeth ive had 4 dentists and 2 surgeons look at me thats the cheapest i could find. I worked for 1 year of my life before the money wasnt worth the pain society put on me i made almost 8,000 in that one year and 5,000 of it went to a place to live so buying braces was never an option, payments also would have been over 500 a month. I cant go out into society anymore or it will happen I dont know what it is but its inside me and I can feel it waiting for an opportunity to display what I feel to those that made me suffer all my life. I need to end myself before i hurt someone that doesnt deserver it im a terrible person for thinking of sharing my misery i was never supposed to be here in this world i do not belong here i need to die for the betterment of humanity.",4.945906483075159,5.386645162650602,5.61005163511188,82.9997791164659,68.75903614457832,8.492484222604705,27.556511761331038,8.418075326091056,1.730942742398164,1302,39,265,18,21,423,189,332,0.115,0.831,0.054000000000000006,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,10,1,4,15,15,2,0,12,0,24,19,14,8,4,51,49,19,2,7,4,1,2,1,0,3,5,1,0,2,26,15,0,1,8,1,4,5,9,8,1,2,9,13,44,7,48,34,3,36,0,3,10,0,17,20,1,4,12,186,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100091115275675,0.0,0.0,0.08785515466220291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895178867552724,0.07681679958365624,0.0,0.0,0.09779886126991716,0.0,0.0,0.1032172653637028,0.0,0.0,0.06696975245156946,0.0,0.18696586108313287,0.0,0.0,0.09716241081545028,0.0,0.12202990545331685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463482644126188,0.0,0.2374396747946575,0.0,0.08771442271991811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401753306573448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25751065017148905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730352056278954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851238974774716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110972265059571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041022384412007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243607799787081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714900365218253,0.11694821564349672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760760612714055,0.0,0.11866785785785593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154402366172938,0.0,0.060376287613995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519500302292366,0.053672139832297565,0.0,0.09700856095536003,0.0,0.3690195641411212,0.12290545203611868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790473714418886,0.1466650604921601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768935594047149,0.0,0.0,0.16291987846458994,0.16946190317975734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444410829598347,0.0,0.11689898842565012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616322341400791,0.09592568085124638,0.11478051653692467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104398350542322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873652329614585,0.0,0.0,0.1750886963847911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276990682868547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616836582448584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960226487926523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407879482418849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143683327521999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295967734884269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877750495006114,0.10184149724810762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997952712233705,0.0,0.0,0.07804152729789449,0.12011487218481184,0.0,0.14149272156564546
suicidewatch,sombresa,2019/01/10,"I'm so demotivated, I'm thinking about suicide again after YEARS of everything going decently I'll make a long story short:

Although my great ambition is to be an author, it hasn't worked out so far, and therefore I decided to apply to a job on the side.

I had a job interview today and it went incredibly well. They were really impressed. To me, it was, however, a huge let-down. I had great expectations because the company seems amazing and the job description (as much as any job description can be) decent. I thought I'd get to speak to other people (which I like), but was told it's more admin work and putting in data.

This is a blow to me, because even though I did well, and I will go to my second interview with the company (they were so impressed they asked me to come back immediately), I am no longer as enthusiastic, and I am just thinking there is nothing for me in this world anyway. I want to write books, but that's not working out, and this job, which I thought might be good (and do me some good because it gets me out to talk to other people), has lost quite a bit of its appeal. I'm not sure about ALL, but a lot, and this was the only company I was remotely interested in.

Yeah, sure, there are others, and I could just wait until something better pops up, but I had my hopes pretty high, and everything turned out well, but I'm just not feeling it, and I'm loathe to wait for 'something better'. This job is conveniently located, has friendly people, low hours, and good pay. The only downside is I might not like it as much as I thought, and I'm guessing this will happen with 'any ole job'.

So there we go, I've been ok for some time, but today is a horrible day, and all I want to do is die, because I don't have the energy to go to more interviews to be disappointed.",8.018916666666666,5.6032967250000025,8.623333333333335,73.3125,63.694444444444464,12.0,36.111111111111114,10.550175099000144,3.4966944444444437,1391,49,287,27,16,471,171,360,0.114,0.715,0.171,0.971,8,0,2,0,0,1,55.0,1,0,3,7,20,24,0,0,16,2,38,0,0,2,4,64,71,33,2,5,13,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,20,23,0,2,8,1,1,7,7,3,3,1,17,2,31,21,42,45,10,34,0,3,0,0,13,16,0,8,13,202,51,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020080092068182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574829250510944,0.0,0.0,0.06230392693613125,0.0,0.19757058206595035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433216740171004,0.0884593132720375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979665094787177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469259971091215,0.0,0.0,0.05225501184384243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409210706658729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351685245402153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456417350160971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040969137004366135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260042066663601,0.0,0.08466539236870364,0.0,0.1841955781585889,0.20388207888475496,0.0,0.17866271390079502,0.08925917993152904,0.0,0.07165094873453959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560832746120968,0.0,0.08047701564436055,0.07979420450458934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628400245183958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828544874053072,0.0,0.07917033824382606,0.0,0.0,0.0717053847301501,0.0,0.0,0.0884493573122663,0.06888533512297224,0.0,0.0,0.05408542720672475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191138205323375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191267404608456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774655038956241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324771852073732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685195013167312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243248454317938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145342373301863,0.0,0.08618103390933934,0.0,0.0,0.05190727571316972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376294957861719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475541533422566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862919959114451,0.0,0.15273193131432872,0.0,0.0,0.06512556099015174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383626885188008,0.07960754975451606,0.19297657665349768,0.04724686242670555,0.0,0.15360618595707334,0.07742373373924136,0.0,0.0,0.08813292796423036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095582367541578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185560842798276,0.07511183464627308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696349264184805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217803249690243
suicidewatch,ecrofria,2019/01/10,"As I sit here, I don't understand. After more than 30 years seemingly treading water in the proverbial ocean that is life, I find my body is losing its ability to continue the fight.  I feel as if my mind is breaking at the seams from the continual compartmentalization required from being a friend, neighbor, husband, father, stepfather, distance-father, brother, son, coworker, leader, boss, financier, etc.

If anything else, I don't know what I don't know.  I'm not in any immediate danger but I know these types of feelings.  I've had them before and I brushed them aside until I was staring at the inside of a barrel admiring the gentle slope of the curves as they eventually compacted into a near completely indistinguishable shape.  I knew I needed help then, and I know I need it now.

I just don't understand it anymore.  So...help?",5.32421568627451,7.319548954248368,6.272696078431372,72.7996323529412,69.26143790849672,9.02156862745098,31.70424836601307,9.516144504307137,3.2612444444444435,662,29,110,15,12,219,104,153,0.041,0.855,0.104,0.8674,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,3,2,3,5,2,0,10,0,10,3,1,1,0,24,23,10,0,4,5,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,6,3,1,1,11,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,4,19,2,18,19,2,16,0,1,1,0,11,7,0,3,7,75,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314723513989958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173333837765694,0.0,0.0,0.15909571677419052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645112445784674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147482059624944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270486474954427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615040312073362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561622229579647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550887949093868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670189410305054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936778017671065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591726532942142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250007209172538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655606939016468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628899268354293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521015046653653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28670637321179165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600214056895014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025307433652354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244994331516431
suicidewatch,Interesting_Driver,2019/01/10,"FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK YOUUUU DUMB BITCH OF LIFE funny how one thing ruins the whole fucking day. I just got pulled over for speeding. Yeah I know its a cops job but fuck i never speed and the one time I do, of course a damn cops sees. To make things worse I'm only 16 and should have been at school during that time but i didnt want to go because I have too much anxiety and stress. seriously fuck life. WHy should there be rules and shit. Nobody owns this planet but yet we have fucking government controlling us. I hate life and i hate myself im going to get a big fucking lecture but whatever i will kill myself soon enough. im so done with life and msyelf i am a faliure and i NEED to die. Not even want to die, I NEED to die because i will just fuck up more times.",-0.01263521288838021,2.333567759493672,1.475466052934408,97.27583429229,92.92405063291142,4.644879171461451,16.042577675489067,6.351523495107088,-0.4202759493670887,598,14,133,7,22,191,101,158,0.395,0.5870000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,2,0,0,1,9,16,13,1,6,1,13,11,1,3,1,27,33,13,4,6,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,16,0,2,4,1,17,0,13,24,5,16,0,1,1,6,2,4,10,0,9,83,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108668241896941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922840742504754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888357473474855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835867860431384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300214726179476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084707525580784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952224647172773,0.0,0.07000938642500816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5879497999830535,0.05537855740168905,0.0,0.12047998731017873,0.0,0.08477471814178714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929829515903928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289878299102665,0.0,0.10518471676301286,0.0,0.1172689164499778,0.0,0.058252652943846676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994725580848083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075318146803132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791928732767134,0.15718944494446807,0.08175068245539124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143651323248131,0.08061476671607341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727365390884556,0.08446512255027748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880341446297596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214181086060194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140838121559533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854214344075388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750018822680734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250384243054011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564494176234374,0.11834079615870705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108019022843242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notherebuthere00,2019/01/10,9mil to the chest Has anybody else shot themselves on purpose and survived? I feel like I have nobody to relate with. Almost as if everyone who’s shot them selves is dead. Makes sense. Ha. Fuck.,0.3589864864864865,2.1159247297297306,0.8840202702702733,96.96224662162165,112.5135135135135,2.9310810810810812,18.13851351351352,5.148860815047168,-0.3889972972972968,153,5,29,1,8,46,34,37,0.173,0.644,0.182,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,6,6,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515116593335762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766694602629225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308546943903845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798881106540295,0.32212336522007345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168501920893008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202871796632194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009795457373549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doomedlabmouse,2019/01/10,All the embarrassing memories and people I hate so much keep haunting me. Could death be the only way to get rid of those? Really want to shut down my brain right now to stop all the emotions and feelings. It's a nightmare to be conscious.,3.4854255319148923,5.450740042553196,4.30739361702128,85.10875000000001,74.1063829787234,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.6821531914893622,190,7,37,3,4,61,39,47,0.272,0.6990000000000001,0.029,-0.9212,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,3,1,1,0,2,10,8,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,5,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35553956954092986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542879190827215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582577763937944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103784114426176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639759833401982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144424059049859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830880668634864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23412639988392844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422255869634257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080049086594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040325042638313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719882597084294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26627145061687074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785333602112114,0.2528021098740181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marsh55555,2019/01/10,"I’m gonna kill myself soon I have no friends, I’m failing pretty much every subject in school and I spend all day everyday just sitting around alone doing nothing because I don’t enjoy doing anything, I got diagnosed with depression and social anxiety a while ago and I’m taking medication for it but it doesn’t help. I also have thoughts going through my head all the time that make me feel sick too my stomach. I’m just waiting for the next time my whole family goes out so that I can hang myself while I’m home alone. I’ve been miserable for a long time and my life is going nowhere, I feel guilty about doing this to my family but I think it will be better this way. ",2.266676024705223,4.3960244379562035,3.6791240875912434,87.45524985962946,78.34306569343065,6.55115103874228,23.6771476698484,7.61054688173877,1.1671037619314992,536,18,107,8,13,176,90,137,0.175,0.723,0.102,-0.8082,0,2,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,1,1,4,0,12,6,2,1,2,19,28,10,1,0,4,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,1,3,3,4,0,0,3,2,16,3,10,22,4,19,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,11,68,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449120100270998,0.0,0.0,0.3376412724803157,0.0,0.13035242668246275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469587929621442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413653729561265,0.1451061004027782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936434327559804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441617863039424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512263274071404,0.0,0.14039315345376085,0.16544332744616974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373359899364315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30732705345615424,0.0,0.16483714732987767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259347342761809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527528204464966,0.0,0.13036737606502316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672868036654653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925662544374028,0.0,0.16350402816320345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803372664242013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513294428092115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425140400015835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880492225067064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642070969590517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982502869281708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335419185192202,0.0,0.0,0.15640455862651306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583136225158754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496645565501605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615973911023826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225570171116434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444492853912242,0.0,0.1294051682272358,0.28514286334156896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938318824479692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198561333879276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,themg26,2019/01/10,"strangling it's 11.30pm

few minutes ago I had my school tie tight around my neck. tried to strangle myself. I did this twice. I'm worthless and hopeless. I've been told I'm incapable of learning from my mistakes. I've been told I shod shut up. ive been told to not complain 

it's funny how an amazing day full of fun, hiking and eating dinner with friends just gets ruined by a mistake I made 

I'm sorry for wasting your time. ignore me",0.9262410623084812,3.4010877528089907,2.1497242083758934,94.06092951991829,87.20224719101124,3.685801838610828,23.821246169560776,4.851557810540192,0.20027191011236,346,14,69,1,11,110,66,89,0.255,0.622,0.123,-0.8778,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,2,0,13,14,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,9,1,11,3,10,5,2,7,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,39,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090486164126855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184494841439198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071636528592345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549985427522191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925348731137469,0.0,0.1301991296803048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235803439262782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25220838230307396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789641721319674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531321939177697,0.0,0.0,0.7143770884956138,0.0,0.16919358041167534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muvadeath,2019/01/10,"life sucks! period I’m literally a living, breathing, piece of trash. i’m failing all of my classes, i’m eating myself to death, and i’m just really lonely.  i’m too afraid to kill myself but i know i’ll get to that point soon enough. my therapist wants me to see a psychiatrist so i can get on my meds my overly religious parent doesn’t agree and thinks it will make me “even more fucked up.” can you get anymore fucked up than this?... oh yeah, my birthday is next week but i could care less at this point. life is EXTREMELY pointless and i’m sick of waking up. i could making a book on why i would gladly end my life, but i’ll keep it at this. ",0.5144444444444431,2.688946370370373,2.5170370370370385,93.0466666666667,85.2962962962963,5.674074074074074,17.14814814814815,7.03164865440522,-0.022940740740740484,500,11,112,7,15,167,83,135,0.195,0.7140000000000001,0.091,-0.9474,1,2,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,0,1,5,9,4,1,3,1,9,9,2,2,1,17,29,7,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,16,2,16,25,5,15,0,2,1,2,2,10,3,0,5,66,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659284842979788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126868253362118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682396628256333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188736028770565,0.0,0.0,0.1487820516749683,0.17357014636395854,0.0,0.1109504218558594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105930107817936,0.26329073653864443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930997878180688,0.1858470187371457,0.0,0.0923184268336059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35595162681529274,0.0,0.0,0.14833104337330788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425836683859596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658995680768808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865059385719584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652395537178584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31759427297765563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761346891079754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385977877550093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950398648636564,0.0,0.1076359810487024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908004221502917,0.0,0.13474490052371624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157748380323569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119329480373078,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WaseruHito,2019/01/10,Are there any subreddits or forums that help people with preparing for suicide so they wouldn't screw up? This post probably ain't allowed but I don't know where to go with this question. Sorry.,4.8496396396396415,6.908780270270274,4.847027027027028,82.27882882882884,70.62162162162161,8.176576576576577,28.54954954954956,8.841846274778883,2.384700900900902,158,6,28,3,3,49,33,37,0.116,0.7979999999999999,0.086,-0.2663,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,6,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434672146523971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034721344622424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399745776970097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675950997666364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482073527440546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428860779678593,0.0,0.3860082342417989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010665402097803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400776280359791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916179225749646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrycody,2019/01/10,"I woke up I've spent the last two days nauseous and throwing up.
I blacked out drinking and when I woke up on the first morning I found my window open and an almost empty packet of 30mg cocodamol.
I just wanted to stop thinking",2.5835106382978736,4.324811127659576,3.5542021276595754,90.50875,76.02127659574468,4.7,26.643617021276608,3.1291,0.5166212765957443,181,7,36,0,4,58,36,47,0.08900000000000001,0.911,0.0,-0.4033,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,6,0,7,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,1,5,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686008310929525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373952412786599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605996756708273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131072460068127,0.0,0.4036046794094722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000521380727679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077496295439275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235864802511499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35958202066653705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711600862637895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,varonbros,2019/01/10,My uncle died in Erithea. I'm going to hang myself tonight. I can't take it.,-2.250196078431376,-0.6155469999999994,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,107.23529411764706,2.266666666666667,17.43137254901961,3.1291,-1.0945921568627457,59,2,14,0,3,20,16,17,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7402921493794158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053844802379376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363123686336368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ozymandias7125,2019/01/10,"I’m all alone I wonder to myself if they even loved me in the first place. I try to open up to my family and they seem to turn my insecurities around to hurt me time and time again and same goes to any friends I have left. I’ve felt with depression since middle school and my parents didn’t really care then why should I be surprised that they don’t care now, or maybe I’m just a spoiled ungrateful piece of shit, I can’t tell. But one time last year I fell in love and was happy for the first time in a long time I thought the pain was over, but she found out who I was and now she hates my guts part of me thinks that she never even had mutual feelings, after that I wanted to flee out of state with my dad and he abandoned me in a shitty and expensive apt 6 months later I move in with my mom then she leaves with her bf to El Paso. I want to die but I need something painless I can’t deal with anymore pain it’s too much. ",1.8166231343283599,3.023154427860696,3.046688432835821,95.59451026119406,76.86069651741293,6.418034825870647,19.527674129353233,6.9077264865688965,-0.07683855721393007,724,14,177,7,16,234,122,201,0.175,0.733,0.093,-0.9653,1,1,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,2,8,15,2,1,6,0,11,6,2,0,2,38,29,15,1,5,6,3,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,5,17,0,1,7,0,1,3,5,8,0,3,8,2,32,7,29,19,5,37,0,3,0,2,19,14,1,4,19,114,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969054992245754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515415287118118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418496994218675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147268709240384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534104726516416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290967141013608,0.10785213041647754,0.0,0.12995898542628495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541376095203794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804663060290067,0.0,0.06331518693736504,0.0,0.12023120265754078,0.0,0.0,0.21302478372252667,0.0,0.13729768415952245,0.09674495551232498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332994237270583,0.0,0.12362920149354235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340510074173026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207132321850247,0.0,0.1325903027740075,0.13605231002900292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108160964708946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260325650378737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580070318418224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665659646654622,0.09994971320891416,0.13308944764134809,0.09205138786196043,0.09284932563321184,0.09657767719352267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485257069658537,0.0,0.26648662753293983,0.0,0.13904241394314165,0.13560146966961692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082864604028666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021938233257002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267297104734436,0.0,0.1139959316478611,0.0,0.0,0.12853692133141786,0.10358359291326974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964007667832168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094481320503844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802361637802456,0.0,0.09941099502980202,0.3650850549319636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501641881898538,0.13620381627267106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771644977940332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129919168045764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579616133388026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063781966442714
suicidewatch,somber_shadows,2019/01/10,"I just want death to take me. Nothing seems to get better for long, if at all. Every day I face an insurmountable amount of unhappiness and I am exhausted by pretending that I am alright. Taking my own life has always been difficult for me, so I don't know how to die. No family member will help me and hiring a stranger invites a host of potential issues. It is impossible to put into words how severely I want my life to end, and it hurts me even more knowing that I don't have the gall to do it myself.",5.261682847896445,5.081694213592236,6.800145631067963,76.88461974110034,68.02912621359225,10.361812297734627,29.788025889967642,10.125756701596842,2.7514802588996767,396,13,81,9,6,137,73,103,0.215,0.684,0.102,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,1,10,4,1,2,1,15,18,7,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,14,2,13,16,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413282342148365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571495255188046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427151508486473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296663481974273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959991909448282,0.0,0.0,0.14616139967099606,0.0,0.1864482082471197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861457542662104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561603200539013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483274854795236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689785854154025,0.0,0.0,0.2309715453099863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323279273248974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126104261720369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958366181028728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233581766216425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245976500656664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145609205127368,0.0,0.24999717822770665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327683625996986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610477257747397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrMiffed,2019/01/10,Help. I want to end it. I’m not getting any help from anyone. I’m scared and don’t know what to do.,-3.71125,-2.357482958333332,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,107.75,2.4000000000000004,10.166666666666668,3.1291,-2.3288833333333336,75,1,22,0,4,26,18,24,0.205,0.636,0.159,-0.2865,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910767358089202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29929023301383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791096934543386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236292825530513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738022415288837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523543399935154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285351414642506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524646219669133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZachTheBeastVulcano,2019/01/10,It's over for me https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/aej25t/i_cant_take_it_anymore/?st=JQQNUYKU&sh=7aaa183ehttps://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/aej25t/i_cant_take_it_anymore/?st=JQQNUYKU&sh=7aaa183e[Zachthebeastvulcano](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/aej25t/i_cant_take_it_anymore/?st=JQQNUYKU&sh=7aaa183e),256.32,322.259291,89.01666666666668,-532.4549999999998,-444.33333333333337,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.789866666666668,350,1,5,1,1,52,6,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,52.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Loreleyloraflor,2019/01/10,"Long depressive rant idk anymore. Im sorry Hi, thank you for reading this. My English isn't the best, sorry.

I want to tell my story, it's depressive, but it's mine.

My father abandoned us when I was a baby, because my mother fucked another guy when me and my sister were babysitted by a teen. Our Mother had several boyfriends after that, she introduced them all to us as uncles. I have vivid memories of them talking to me about penises and tits when I was under the age of 5. She (mother) often went out partying and let us kids alone. My big sister (1.5years older) and me lay in her bed and watching anime and eating cookies all night long. I remember some night we went outside complete naked (but boots) and ran around in the rain. We were like 4-6 year old.

My mother brought me to parties in empty houses with loud music, let me sit on drunken men who told me I am a failure because I am not an A student. Or sleeping under tables in a restaurant because my mother didn't want to go home that early. 

My sister was very sick and went from hospital to hospital. I wanted to be sick too, I think, I can't remember my motives but I hammered my head against the floor as hard as I could as a toddler. Or went outside and laid on the ground and didn't get up for hours. 

My sister molested me when we were children, and I had to do everything for her or she would be mean to me and destroy my drawings that were my world. She destroyed them anyways. 
I remember being scared because I grew and thought that I will no longer be loved when I am no longer small and cute. My mother told me she doesn't love me because I am JUST the second child, so no reason to be worried at all.

When I was a teen I started to drink heavily and went to all kind of parties at the age of 14 I lost my innocence to a 21year old men. I didn't want it but I didn't say no either. 

I went to therapists but my mother undermined all of my attempts and told her then-husband the therapist suggested to get a dog for me. So I got a dog but no more therapy. By that time I didn't went to school anymore, but my mom didn't care (or anyone else) 

At the age of 16 I developed an opiate habit and maintained it unaware of anyone until the age of 20. I told my former stepdad I am addicted and he let me live in his flat for a few weeks. After that I moved out alone and had no longer contact to my mother or my sister. I was shamed to contact my mother though because she'd killed herself otherwise. 

My sister moved to me a few month later and I don't know the reason behind this. She never said thank you, she let me feel that she hates it.
Eventually she moved out and I got myself abusive men that saw me as a trophy wife or something. I have to admit I was hella cute when I was 20years old. The relationships all ended in the worst ways. I got sex tapes all over the internet, my ex told everyone in my hometown I am a drug addicted whore who fucks everything.

Last year I went through trauma therapy but couldn't trust anyone there, not even myself, got a  PTSD diagnosis anyways. As silly as it sounds I liked it, the diagnosis, it felt like I have something for myself for the first time in my life. I even went to a therapist but he told me I don't have PTSD. So for me I was no longer ill and I got a job a nice home and a nice bf, that didn't last long though and now I lost my job I don't know how to pay the rent and I think my boyfriend is slowly fed up with me because all I do is cry. Therapy is no option because I can't pay the insurance and I don't want to start with my physical health. 

My current state: I am a NEET with no education. I am in 2k debt I can't pay back because of my insurance. I dropped out of therapy because of trust issues. I am NO longer cute, all the stress teared my looks apart and now I look like a crackwhore with thinning hair, destroyed teeth and sagging, wrinkly skin at age 26. My boyfriend is sad/angry at me for crying all the time and I can't show him that I love him. I don't take opiates anymore though.

TL;DR: I had a shit life and I don't see a future for me. All I do is cry and thinking about being dead is the only relief I have.",2.69973223013546,3.8634327569124447,4.248307498952663,88.0286084345762,74.54147465437786,7.103924032956293,26.05474095796677,7.576466943178032,1.255857296466974,3235,112,699,40,66,1082,334,868,0.219,0.7070000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9992,5,2,4,0,0,0,84.0,7,2,3,6,28,41,9,3,46,0,73,27,8,4,12,104,133,68,2,8,19,19,6,4,1,2,9,4,4,7,22,44,3,1,16,3,5,16,33,20,0,2,52,16,151,21,93,66,18,100,0,5,6,9,79,33,4,9,51,488,173,9,0.0,0.056619432346492964,0.0,0.104189126018166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989852311831041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050108527731340315,0.0,0.0,0.14217471473299986,0.1002407275756962,0.048963127361836084,0.0,0.04254029961720717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03674502713651544,0.0,0.29130332373882983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050149199632128175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872173147771789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050103451951571114,0.0,0.0,0.03815379621811051,0.0,0.1574743576069352,0.0,0.0,0.08231723953093266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681277918889913,0.055417407564047484,0.04889773009556108,0.039919660919731335,0.0,0.04232483757787267,0.0,0.0,0.06312533711397622,0.0,0.0,0.045662245337684114,0.0858952199090388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02416239433075021,0.0,0.04588273161612403,0.0,0.0,0.04064734762307783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835607915180786,0.049933163013960766,0.0,0.027158286205626183,0.0,0.1910969705174789,0.0,0.0,0.04731635185199432,0.0,0.0,0.042807502216988,0.047179478759777294,0.0490429467140277,0.050795033760075804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586792460656304,0.0,0.04706027940844691,0.055139442637751404,0.0,0.0,0.05161784260731626,0.04987690557920326,0.09484186398370537,0.0,0.05286890988414128,0.04976250057400103,0.05252464765996343,0.07790508662342596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546057770715133,0.06750632718991917,0.09338468280365944,0.0,0.042196536798987376,0.12686919287341095,0.08025759512602447,0.0,0.10432966891407276,0.0,0.12938810336544196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205373187335083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055967212393069316,0.038142892734222764,0.15236911730292432,0.0,0.0,0.036856053543777315,0.0,0.0,0.089689172645858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043232774527435,0.0,0.0,0.03634394318515905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172020391051747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779963765703193,0.0,0.0,0.09826538505092512,0.0,0.051305038456596605,0.16239906695491724,0.0,0.045456100352401656,0.03800190654623453,0.04784282905989494,0.04836269757697066,0.038079817633246464,0.0,0.0,0.05398537571715099,0.04905236688857492,0.0,0.0,0.047821216883249966,0.0,0.0,0.07357708169153854,0.0,0.10698660979012106,0.0676473527796794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473951014915968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592965570467964,0.03840914407075916,0.041767687237210964,0.08799115688478562,0.21859305137803453,0.16645214611501455,0.0,0.09185937478615457,0.1408505877486589,0.03793730665438178,0.08359443749496874,0.0,0.0,0.2739734720261046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244457011205047,0.0,0.0,0.03942903699269661,0.14092918624086348,0.03793086285197832,0.0383316130199084,0.0,0.0,0.3986887960789477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852971945904209,0.0,0.033946304800770565,0.0,0.0,0.06154614369633881
suicidewatch,RunicZeus,2019/01/10,"My Mum has been suicidal for a long time and I'm running out of ideas. She's literally the only reason I haven't done it to myself. What's worse than trying to end it all is me lying and giving hope to someone else who wants to die. I constantly tell her that I love her with all my heart, that she matters and killing yourself will only make things worse but I don't even believe the advice I give her. I say she's worth it even though I know I'm not worth it. I tell her we will fight this and it will get better but I don't believe it will for myself. She ODd a couple times and even tried slitting her wrists. I personally have only tried and ODd once and attempted to jump off my balcony during a breakdown only to be stopped by my dad.

Whatever I've told her has been working all these years. She doesn't believe what anyone tells her except me when it comes to this. But life had to fuck everything and my parents lost a court case today that they were depending on to pay my college tuition as well as my brother's school fees. 

Now she told me that she's ending it today and if it doesn't work she will keep trying. She's the only thing I cling to in order to survive. I don't know what I'm gonna do now I've tried everything that I did over the years. I've never seen her this genuine. 

Don't even talk about ""getting help"". We were about to get a shrink because of an event that scarred this family but my parents pulled out on all of us despite my begging because ""God will help us"" 4 years later and this is were we are. Yes I was denied to go to a phycologist to this date.

Nobody cares and those who do feel so disingenuous. I get it they pity me so they can feel good about themselves. But I've almost completely lost my will to live apart from my mum cause I want to make her life better. I can't sleep or socialize. I've lost all passion for my future studies and nothing I try will revive that drive. At this point I'm doing everything for her. She's been a victim of physical abuse and that is still haunts her to this day. She was also beaten by my uncle who is a policeman of all things. (This all happened before I was born) I want to give her back for all she suffered for in her life. That is my only purpose.

My dad is a pussy and won't even come home now cause he's busy with work. Whenever a problem arrises he calls me and tells me to calm her down. It's so fucking ironic sending a suicidal person to coax someone else who is suicidal.

I don't know what to do now. I've hugged cried kissed told her she's worth it and I need her more than everything but it's not working. Fucks sake I broke a table that was blocking the way to make sure she didn't do anything to herself.  I can't cope with the idea that she might kill herself genuinely this time. I don't care if I die as long as I know she's happy. My plan was to only take my life once she's gotten everything she's dreamed of but now I'll die only knowing that I've failed at my one propose.

I need something to convince her otherwise. Nothings worked for me so idk what would work for her now. I can't tell her things will get better cause we're broke and I'm 6 months away from finishing college and my brother has 5 years left. How we'll survive idk but I need a reason to convince her otherwise.



",2.585456540355388,3.871828105491332,3.799685292228645,90.64530400342541,75.02601156069366,6.686619567544423,24.086491115392853,7.1686216300943375,0.7863364590023552,2587,78,571,27,54,844,274,692,0.173,0.722,0.104,-0.9954,2,0,1,0,2,0,48.0,6,0,3,18,25,34,8,0,20,1,59,14,3,10,10,86,110,41,8,11,14,8,2,0,0,14,4,1,1,2,50,28,0,3,11,1,6,8,17,17,1,1,23,4,107,17,70,72,9,58,0,8,1,7,85,15,3,7,33,369,157,12,0.0,0.061984738818460575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051121627729468516,0.0,0.0,0.052385931190360516,0.0,0.0,0.04183629903873299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03657987526101159,0.0,0.043050800273857916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915167921927202,0.04022701774888484,0.0,0.06378149582426627,0.0,0.04451622505465422,0.17682332317003707,0.0,0.1388051397722328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534194800514206,0.0,0.10667728994342608,0.1612257954288859,0.0,0.09012950722579613,0.054851298474980034,0.05653394656558746,0.0,0.0,0.057885569664515524,0.0574655880636909,0.03373885711995804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628841800121107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053536424298587626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740496516066969,0.0,0.09267115172555078,0.0,0.0,0.17276787189828893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350868134474413,0.0,0.04931794074844849,0.0,0.05290408751026529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509316666402272,0.13666218202520033,0.1505559897497339,0.02973182894012202,0.043879352978740994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046261995482619535,0.055690306852450314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199354532008981,0.07013130434712678,0.0,0.0524762261076762,0.0519606146177854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181145695128619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046499989555378415,0.11575762719522248,0.0,0.1437548219668862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056840417472576586,0.0,0.14780657050228682,0.0,0.0,0.0461951171909056,0.0925942850179349,0.0,0.0,0.17132405811878015,0.0,0.04721634405329552,0.0,0.10476203734788382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055497964230889714,0.0,0.0,0.04175734630193268,0.0,0.0,0.11637276345944995,0.04034856511470729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039533673829447,0.0,0.0,0.11142756837812433,0.03545000846356139,0.3183034138779517,0.0,0.0,0.11617926741910088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135890739745876,0.0,0.0,0.049454599407218094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005840458930939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075770980889096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160300014060099,0.0,0.05294558870741497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052352796833944434,0.05332857017343906,0.08865268582284158,0.040274654854933783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177883900057714,0.043737695515617535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167240784086987,0.0,0.049306283038156026,0.0,0.03933438101361903,0.04204882784583582,0.2286281473652069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902308696881405,0.0,0.0513992371653067,0.0,0.09151591882963687,0.0,0.09917703542455693,0.14996771782167825,0.0,0.2131107690857027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585704467027378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257025482961267,0.04152522428431511,0.0,0.0,0.047037481765069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285157263588146,0.0,0.10662694049547174,0.03716308605940926,0.0,0.0,0.13475661920998772
suicidewatch,Throwaway12344445,2019/01/10,"My chronic pain has triggered my depression again. I’ve struggled with mental illness for a while, but I’ve been in remission for the longest time since the last time it’s gotten bad. 

I’ve also struggled with chronic pain for the past 3 years, but recently it’s gotten so bad I actually want to kill myself. 

The issue is that I’ve already tried antidepressants for pain and prescription NSAIDs. I went to a rheumatologist for joint pain and all he said was that I’ve got bad hypermobility. Ive got stomach problems, headaches, neck pain, etc. you get the idea. Everything literally hurts and it’s completely exhausting. It’s driving me crazy. 

I’ve been to doctors and stuff but there’s nothing wrong and I’m still in pain. I want to mention it to my psychiatrist the next time I see her, but I’m not really sure. I have to get a new Primary Physician because of insurance stuff. If I go to one, I don’t want them to think I’m just trying to score prescription opioids, because I don’t want them at all. I just want the pain to stop. I can’t focus and it’s begun to have a really bad impact on my life. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. ",3.14836819122041,4.9042933013100445,4.672098368191222,83.03301999540338,74.50218340611355,7.965157435072397,27.773155596414608,8.6894789155246,2.101248034934498,902,36,182,18,19,302,119,229,0.32,0.632,0.048,-0.9975,0,0,1,1,0,1,24.0,0,1,2,0,7,20,1,2,11,0,13,16,2,1,3,30,33,14,1,7,8,0,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,0,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,19,0,1,9,2,22,1,24,24,3,21,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,1,14,104,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.08677317885143118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812552806550327,0.0711093621168116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818483359332734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969782365953141,0.10840972043728404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323102032097903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658674135759452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101347776727513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991694029012559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991564134697758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291415170645458,0.0,0.05053533508164408,0.0,0.1422350344947356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519079311784676,0.10037995577698423,0.0,0.0928094695370872,0.0,0.0,0.09837690258389123,0.0,0.04886815481368007,0.07248173959267995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280688771824895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961053431121195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587957492851638,0.0945675221903944,0.0,0.0,0.08532122246703908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025455278789321,0.0,0.6623206995317424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488428535748754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508451513924516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392897039392914,0.0,0.08779785933910003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845833660276242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085779748301456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355561553308859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101169700889448,0.07434117500918133,0.0,0.1859171648550528,0.20358445325606345,0.0,0.0,0.08380613045977563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569764018497722,0.0,0.0,0.1555500548813954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074180554608314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26223685822966497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242981227656485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722015713984014,0.0,0.05726162120703274
suicidewatch,fallenangel-7,2019/01/10,"I feel hopeless. I feel so unmotivated for everything. I don't see a point in doing anything. Life is so meaningless and vile. I have no desire for love and affection anymore. I’ll never be okay and I don’t want to get better. I'm currently staying at my cousin's house since I can't go home for now because the police said so after an incident happened. My other aunt and uncle came to visit me to talk to me and honestly, I was so tired of showing them a facade. I told them straight up that I don't want to live and I don't want to get better. My aunt felt a lot of sympathy towards me and she really wants me to get better and my uncle was trying to tell me it'll get better. The one thing he said to me has stuck in my mind. He said if I hurt myself, it will hurt all of them. I could tell by his facial expression that he was sad, I wish I could believe it. I can't purge anymore while I'm here and I'm never able to be alone. I can't self harm on my arm since my family will see it. I'm just waiting until I can go home so I can just end this miserable life I have. I just want to keep torturing myself and harming myself in all the ways possible because I deserve it. Cliches don't work for me anymore. Heck, I used to be one of those people who would believe in them. Time has ruined me and I'm no longer that perfect girl I was. I want to meet my death, I want to finally be able to disappear from this world. I long to be devoured by the dirt below me. No thoughts, no feelings, no consciousness...",0.8552501747727952,2.676285291021671,3.1961490062918223,90.70579446719269,81.5386996904025,6.273005093378608,21.874463197842807,7.359569317364363,0.7188189154099671,1171,37,262,17,31,403,154,323,0.19,0.677,0.133,-0.9714,1,1,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,4,6,10,18,2,1,8,1,31,6,2,2,5,45,68,19,1,13,4,3,4,0,0,4,3,3,2,2,14,12,0,2,6,1,0,5,15,10,0,2,12,9,52,8,38,45,3,30,0,6,2,1,26,12,1,2,11,177,66,1,0.18315941672691397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484895886957978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246738748449445,0.0,0.0,0.07536229688626793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165228041248368,0.0,0.0,0.20635794135281574,0.0,0.3239792396056663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474278925511238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623789043905766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111243931247238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230593678339122,0.0,0.0863331986597442,0.0,0.1389163566327507,0.0,0.08793088164498931,0.10032109413138687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138647122734,0.0,0.10409371743632008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098363365917359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372382888311045,0.0,0.0,0.1056706877244196,0.19607594379932186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140025262686597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937091270169118,0.0,0.0,0.08086656030296811,0.08104516005630097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785779312924869,0.08265426230855416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246939900684206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126383359967173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411356097711927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348983881857075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657242558116633,0.10324236107576584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866830621008477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613398225875355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459543414017262,0.0,0.09553760861533883,0.0,0.0,0.15151136223369085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761178404752108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073608300604849,0.1600894032974046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084148893598676,0.0,0.0,0.07270405888789384,0.05340086441123775,0.10525740284446468,0.0,0.08750833590346611,0.0,0.06217661052884915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909546425617013,0.0,0.0,0.3781125931883562,0.0726917098143639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531214502155163,0.0,0.0,0.06667111839765914,0.0,0.0,0.06505559727120368,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El3venBrav0,2019/01/10,"I'm in a bad spot all around hello, I'm new to this subreddit,  but ive been looking everywhere for a place like this. anyways, I'm alittle confused about my next step here. when i was 11 years old, my father killed himself by deliberately taking 25x the lethal dose of heroin. at the time, i lived with him at my grandmas house. problem is, we shared a room. i dont want to get into details because this would be pages long, but i woke up a 12pm on a friday thinking, ""no school!"" but as i looked to my left, i saw my dad, slumped over his desk chair. white fluids that were coming out of his nose and mouth were all over his face. his toes were black. i shook him, repeatdly, to no avail. anyways, this made me develop PTSD. i was outgoing, charming, funny, and then... nothing. i became an extremely introverted kid with a lot of pent up rage. a few years past, and when i was 15 i moved back into my grandparents house with them while they raised me. the summer before my sophmore year my grandma began falling asleep everywhere, the kitchen table, while shes on the phone, etc. the first week of september my grandfather decided enough was enough so we brought her to the hospital. she got an aggresive cancer that metastacized all around her body. she died november 17th, 2016. and i watched her detoriate. she went from asking my aunt to paint her nails to not being able to open her eyes or speak. i remember, the last time i went to see her. i couldnt go anymore, it was turning me into a mess again. i told her i loved her so much and she squeezed my hand very hard, but said nothing and didnt look at me. this was 2 days before she died. 

Anyways, just wanted to give a lil context on my mental health, as i believe it will help you understand my logic and reason better. after my grandmas death, i become what i once was after my dad passed away, but worse, with darker feelings. PTSD combined with a diagnosis of bipolar and general anxiety disorder and i lost it after her. 2017 was my worst year on record. i went to a mental facility for 11 days where i was forced* (for lack of a better word for when everybody on staff was telling me i would not get better without them) onto mood stabilizers. i was prescribed for a month but because of my mom's ponzi scheme with the federal government (when my dad died he worked at a company with social security benefits for his children, in which i SHOULD be recieving 1600$ a month, as long as I'm still in school, but my mom has lied several times and every had my go to the social security office and tell them that i lived with her when in reality i had lived with my brother and grandparents for years, only seeing my mom on vacation. so when i needed state insurance, my mom decided to protect her lie than protect me and got me state insurance accross the country where she lived.) but due to invalid medical insurance, i lost my perscription after 1 month and me and my brother were charged out of pocket by the hospital, totaling over $40,000 in debt over 11 days. ive been off meds since and I'm glad because i cannot stand pills of any kind.  but lately, things have become more challenging than ever. I'm 17 now, i turn 18 in 4 months, and I've been completely swallowed by a horrifying depression. i miss more school than i go, i shower when i can smell my own b.o., i havent done ANY laundry in 2 months, my room is a pigsty. the only thing ive been doing right is working. i dont know if its because i like serving people, or because im getting paid to be there, or maybe my anxiety just keeps me afraid of my boss. whatever it is, I'm glad i have that. but i dont know what my next step is here. my brother has been essentially shunning me for not going to school, and it has kind of worked out for him, because i have grown to hate myself even more. I'm honestly lost within myself. Im not good at anything i like, I'm decent with computers (like coding) but it practically puts me to sleep. i have conflicting morals, like one day ill do something, the next ill get mad at someone for doing it. i do not know who i am.

 i just want to fade away. ive come relatively close with suicide, only to find out i didnt have the guts. you ever wanted to die? like purely out of lack of purpose and fulfilment in life. like fundamentally, outsiders would call me polite, but then i listen to some of the words i say and just bask in self disgust. 

i dont really know what to ask for, just need somebody to help me.

p.s. i wrote this after staying up all night after a literal near death experience so excuse my punctuation and grammar. ",3.9190626277157454,5.167385357064628,4.988223504601855,83.57043451962534,71.66155531215772,8.210877703486947,27.64658089617629,8.668692379529677,1.9603232217881024,3593,128,725,63,67,1181,415,913,0.166,0.73,0.104,-0.9965,5,0,1,0,0,1,125.0,2,2,4,11,34,41,5,3,36,0,65,22,10,3,8,121,130,56,9,15,27,12,4,7,0,5,9,4,4,3,25,48,2,6,13,0,2,18,17,17,0,2,42,20,138,23,123,78,20,132,1,5,10,1,73,53,0,7,64,482,163,13,0.05152690686206706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008012719826183,0.0,0.0788358854282704,0.0,0.05110084591426957,0.0,0.0,0.04240225397048413,0.09173974289175896,0.09634140458979104,0.0,0.0968224503179287,0.039621010810783085,0.04302281494948852,0.1884619450059451,0.11381484073136172,0.08769120520720693,0.05805317910674473,0.0,0.13671408548948055,0.0,0.057234777614105586,0.0,0.0,0.05261473295972633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877173551506477,0.05402498150444972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292236884553846,0.0,0.04438004937718211,0.0,0.213907177093494,0.0,0.059054299345787174,0.0,0.0,0.0527299154798472,0.2415566043598588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648213759787532,0.0574661216739048,0.03403303602056285,0.0932180744556596,0.043413641368561656,0.0,0.0,0.05040320214934031,0.0,0.0,0.026053552319783183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709465938330422,0.04382876065434167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107682728563109,0.04942930424472177,0.11713571443098927,0.04321832479836415,0.08242154898023499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615798763246586,0.050872152877814256,0.0,0.05477069248758505,0.0,0.0,0.06907479905812453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189102647677662,0.0,0.0,0.1113158029452864,0.0,0.0,0.04579948233736572,0.05700688809649147,0.10731468864557037,0.11327136186544855,0.04200130629723172,0.058124595294498725,0.0,0.05598413507133057,0.0,0.036394978148350465,0.17621410777745242,0.0,0.18199681110360227,0.09119938223146136,0.12980887314309458,0.0,0.16874311690827726,0.043806333594502866,0.04650504518777398,0.048756005141374514,0.0,0.0,0.05176570362995135,0.0,0.057234777614105586,0.05190793775799489,0.10385400571825994,0.0,0.0,0.24139076224239006,0.20564142730967827,0.05476494748037476,0.037878205305509734,0.07641309708631315,0.0,0.0497650077318641,0.16439835002346495,0.048354511561652345,0.0,0.09888291364503264,0.0,0.054068820993047495,0.05487447415178227,0.0349159656165676,0.11756560367985305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918826299088324,0.035722269375532786,0.0,0.05383465072777773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930429100622462,0.12046439346680175,0.05179877322354897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033009455957697,0.05297824204842426,0.0,0.0,0.05836994090453535,0.04400369692196935,0.049013887968769064,0.040976264475321635,0.0,0.20859192253871886,0.0821205471158938,0.0,0.05375380145796035,0.058210738203206686,0.0,0.04262358982066534,0.0,0.05156411897797085,0.10505038521897424,0.043658580973096564,0.03966793027932389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492082684185304,0.041149454380065766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636207295170278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038741821357594027,0.0,0.09007357547559974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846437469121752,0.03301636135190281,0.0,0.0,0.09013726127903944,0.0,0.0,0.04923616764378794,0.0,0.0,0.1120929566842988,0.0,0.05364132723738228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425150944954383,0.12156761873348015,0.0,0.041331776629640764,0.0,0.0,0.1432978766613775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049670099473073326,0.0,0.11253660563425108,0.0,0.052510320159253235,0.10980970876689472,0.0,0.0,0.16590819321584915
suicidewatch,actual_mall_goth,2019/01/10,"I think I’m an odd case I’m not depressed. I have been, but currently, I’m not. What I have is severe anxiety. I’m terrified of dying in a violent, random or painful way and will soon attempt to end my life in a way I chose. I also just don’t want to go through life. Exerting mental effort is annoying, things I like aren’t fun, I can’t stick to habits and my memory is getting worse, college is going to be crap. 

I just, like don’t feel like enduring that stuff for no reason. ",2.076470588235296,3.2651418921568687,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,76.15686274509805,8.237254901960785,25.495098039215684,8.841846274778883,1.7986627450980386,371,13,82,8,8,130,67,102,0.295,0.561,0.14400000000000002,-0.9648,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,3,0,3,0,13,4,1,1,0,13,23,5,1,1,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,1,1,10,4,9,20,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,6,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751223731280612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752306694556718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886116187437452,0.0,0.2272720484694432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939558754428074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072548917860567,0.15644305974129336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441072075211435,0.0,0.24890865401890586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093514243016136,0.3209552997009343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068556036368825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301567617838276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251532418548585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473909271137521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25068564479326005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548402624612794,0.14031686415411132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291631356765291,0.3476404934677267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231646116888102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,keep_drowning,2019/01/10,"Anyone who wants to die but finds their suicidal thoughts intrusive? A couple of weeks ago I was with a friend and we passed a bridge. She said she hated that bridge because she gets intrusive thoughts about jumping off it.
I made a comment about how that's a difference between us because I wouldn't find those thoughts intrusive.

I was wondering if anyone finds their thoughts intrusive even though they want to die?
I don't know if I've (and I guess a lot of us) have just been desensitized to the intrusiveness/scariness of the thoughts and it just caused some curiousty...",4.983136033229492,7.263169785046731,4.3756386292834915,84.86684319833853,70.77570093457945,8.493873312564899,31.515057113187954,9.150863307647796,2.807962409138111,465,21,87,10,9,139,66,107,0.184,0.764,0.052000000000000005,-0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,3,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,8,0,6,0,0,3,0,29,20,8,3,5,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,10,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,10,1,15,1,11,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,6,2,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215187519460208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927067003657281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680038753137197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155912610986718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247369009933026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860304347489739,0.1439722477894714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101596515889092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778416249738184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646436486939374,0.0,0.07199510106292413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180284411791378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604951644888072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573157974223019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715310176168313,0.0,0.13039021445376944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310798812357467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073143826943858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353883429722751,0.5469912302318439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33151419493823336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255667205844507,0.0,0.11053529104501653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943882077935788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StellarGibbon49,2019/01/10,"asking for advice a friend of mine friend is planning to commit suicide sometime soon, he wants to know if he should use a shotgun or stick a grenade in his mouth? he wants the most painless way. ",7.281842105263156,6.625573500000002,6.104210526315793,85.13947368421054,64.0,7.6,34.78947368421053,3.1291,1.768115789473684,155,6,30,0,2,46,31,38,0.099,0.6579999999999999,0.243,0.6801,0,0,0,1,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,9,7,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,1,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176988415359805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039388541763108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023664428366881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867482876631666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32154727718559584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35562329498686696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807951743497412,0.0,0.0,0.3835227740359511,0.2580613379421796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hs96aj,2019/01/10,"I'm looking for reasons to not kill my self Hi. English is not my main Language so sorry in advance if i mess up something.

living things are only things that survive because they can survive therefore there is no real purpose for anyone and the only reason people like being alive is that they either are having a good time or they hope things will get better for them at some point in life.
so if I have a terrible life and predict that the chance of things getting better is really low it's fine to end my life.

you guys can read this so you are obviously still, so I would appreciate to know why you are still alive.

why am I posting this now? (Some unimportant personal Info from here on that u can just ignore)

Well I am a university student and have fucked up my life real bad, my mother is paying for my university (It's an expensive university and we are not rich) and the normal time to finish it is 4 years. However I have fucked up and have not finished even half of it in 4.5 Years. I was smoking weed, Playing Dota II for 5800 Hours and still sucking at it, Watching crap on YouTube and Keeping my self busy with lots and lots of TV shows I Kept downloading and watching, Daydreaming for Hours everyday, and watching porn and masturbating 2 or even sometimes 3 times every day.

Look things haven't been perfect for me growing up sure. I'm a (Hidden) Atheist living in a theocratic Iran I grew up poor and without a father. But I am not gonna blame every one else. I am an asshole and I know it. I don't know how to be social and that's absolutely my own fault. I don't let anybody dictate anything to me. I never answered to anyone when they asked me about university. I just told them general stuff like it's fine and OK and etc. I live in my own room and lock it. my only contact with my mother is only when I get dinner or lunch from her at my room's door.

I know I was shitty and I wanted to fix it. I tried to get a job at my brother in law's company but my mother told him to now give me a job and they filled that position I was qualified to take. and she tells me that I should not work. Only study. I went to psychotherapist with allowance without anyone knowing the fucker insisted that I tell someone and then he made me call my sister and he talked to her about it. she paid for my doctor and my pills but after one year of wasting money on medicines I am still a total piece of shit that stays in his room for days. the only difference is that I can't enjoy anything for more that a few hours and I get bored witch fucking sucks. (I used to play/watch/Daydream for live 4 to 8 hours at a time). now I'm in the middle of my university exams and I know I'm just gonna pass a fraction of my classes so I haven't even been attempting any yet (I want to attempt 2 because they told me I picked the class with them so many times that if I just attend the exam they will pass me). So I am planning to get a big coca cola , 2 joints of weed and overdose on one my depression medicine in the beginning of next Persian month (that's the time I get my allowance and I can afford these stuff)",3.2289994775339568,4.460398194357367,4.556445924764894,86.06903670323929,73.32601880877743,7.134848484848485,26.14433124346917,7.569512494915309,1.3004544409613374,2440,82,506,29,48,809,285,638,0.096,0.847,0.057,-0.985,4,0,1,0,0,1,50.0,1,3,10,10,30,33,9,0,25,1,45,15,2,9,5,94,87,48,1,9,22,6,0,2,0,6,6,0,4,4,33,33,2,3,10,4,6,8,15,18,1,4,12,5,87,15,71,66,13,75,0,2,5,5,44,30,8,11,37,352,120,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044144020124098536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361689799673482,0.0,0.106838045386802,0.0,0.060686204106963126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420081511988732,0.07914243524352066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482302867443127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628486344002632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372883954191558,0.0,0.05591068027808617,0.0,0.0,0.06782173492287209,0.0,0.06644264224121113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054227654163597344,0.0,0.05749489353925991,0.0,0.07239671881445063,0.12862605309424946,0.0,0.10938636870977116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003695897354516,0.23740567467020365,0.0622718105270022,0.0,0.05444712148513717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427546490618599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447464933923758,0.2557104442079209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883505725864586,0.057698904120257175,0.07181816917153566,0.0,0.21405154974360951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663793752646915,0.183403850652458,0.06342779681215993,0.0,0.2292824289302501,0.0,0.10902349900334177,0.0,0.0,0.11037580832511226,0.0,0.0614235777866816,0.0,0.06581301603444249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181405724236151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006598952395192,0.0,0.06903720414465257,0.0,0.06360233241436783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196303863458073,0.2962219723182207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045003473630427435,0.05668075292984364,0.0,0.0,0.0613650931276985,0.0,0.062170054180382725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493196986875199,0.14777360461980688,0.04158582886014688,0.13348563574998815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543975949666104,0.0,0.06663370194672075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617205910644695,0.055001763099361535,0.049974278944380786,0.06420200453214782,0.07266635966047012,0.0,0.06919011657841351,0.2073629047059552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862292185068948,0.0,0.0,0.06118105670016801,0.0,0.04880755244109429,0.05217573830541772,0.1134760990714356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563122492647885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271126628852201,0.0,0.0,0.18608548204987607,0.0,0.04407261861792534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606520202564755,0.0,0.0,0.07657639365618317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836584430172514,0.06017630203195306,0.11715030403337508,0.0,0.0,0.12515033624309452,0.0,0.04725845859042462,0.0,0.0,0.04611332948367737,0.0,0.0,0.12540824190036445
suicidewatch,ForeverAdorable,2019/01/10,Please someone help me I can’t find the drive to do it anymore. ,2.3914285714285732,3.0852867142857145,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,74.71428571428571,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.5158000000000005,50,2,12,0,1,16,14,14,0.0,0.667,0.333,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844332424143048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464548117995168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274126707509137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361958747258226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41388097518946815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0101_0_0101,2019/01/10,Is drowning a good suicide method How much is the suicide success rate for drowning. It's probably the best method I can think of or access to.,4.914642857142855,6.235206892857143,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,69.35714285714286,7.028571428571429,35.42857142857143,7.1686216300943375,2.4836571428571426,115,6,21,1,2,36,23,28,0.226,0.503,0.271,0.2023,0,0,2,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,15,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35570775308053376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842956898467204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491676981402388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654460852420617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7415139057681396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171858643425044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3828371727,2019/01/10,"Im gonna OD soon Im seriously done living, cant go on anymore. ",-3.005625000000002,-1.4921703124999972,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,95.875,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6363499999999997,49,2,13,1,2,21,14,16,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550838903368653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36640378824902814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348491513879816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7734989051276487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161598137924604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whoknows--1,2019/01/10,"Can I ask for a od? Hey,

Long story short, i've been dealing with some mental problems for over 2 years, everything is going alright for now. but i don't really have a plan for the future. I don't see the point of investing my time in anything.

I wanted to ask if i am able to ask for a od to my therapist? i mean, it's my own choice so are they allowed to accept my request?

I appreciate it if anyone could answer",1.0673314606741575,2.6807025168539376,3.863356741573035,87.17908005617979,80.0112359550562,6.6971910112359545,22.360955056179773,7.6454224807358475,0.9575719101123594,320,10,70,5,8,114,62,89,0.023,0.866,0.111,0.7987,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,5,1,9,0,0,1,0,12,16,4,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,12,2,13,14,2,10,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,3,5,48,14,0,0.2174243570182524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202816579526532,0.0,0.17892172007018295,0.0,0.6097872710439555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359565709812394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415496501433912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540699248453294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356727263974655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924137140156472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368388649272761,0.0,0.0,0.21911261311986244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055362951451209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804574586566107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928761057474182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732590625171483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524464364790441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267818910577055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824251904020967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400141573821957
suicidewatch,moistman313,2019/01/10,"I’m done with this girl (update 3) So these past few weeks with this girl have been on and off a lot and last night she pulled the last straw.

So a few weeks ago she wants to come on a date with me and says she wants to come back to my place for “cuddles in bed”. Now I’m not an idiot and was kind of excited as you would be. So I get my shit ready and everything and on the day she says that she’s excited to come and then puts on her Snapchat story she is cutting her wrists and shows a photo of her crying and sobbing. So I freak out and text and call her as you would to try to make sure she’s ok. Big mistake. She doesn’t pick up at all and hours pass. I was stressing out and have anxiety and other mental problems (read my other posts), so I tell her that this situation was making me very depressed and that I was gonna kill myself. And well I go and start to cut my wrists. But I pull myself away and try to relax. Then after a few hours (keep in mind it’s around 4 and she was supposed to meet me at 11) she texts me. 

This is word for word how it went

Her: your such a liar.

Her: so attention seeking, stop texting me.

Me: What the fuck is that supposed to mean

Her: sorry I thought you were killing yourself.

Her: I you cut your vain and couldn’t get up what 30 minutes ago? You would probably be passed out right now

Me: Thought I did jeez idk

Me: I’m not lying

Me: so u tell me u were gonna kill yourself and then say good bye, why r u texting me then

Her: so u stop spamming my phone

Me: Look can I just talk to u alright. I’m sorry, can we just try to work this

Her: no bye

Me: Why r u being like this I’m sorry I told u I was gonna kill myself but it was true. I’m just concerned, you can’t tell people that your gonna kill yourself and then expect them not to be concerned.

Me: Can we please try to work this out

Her: stop texting me

Me: ok

So yeah I apologised for nothing a week later again and she started texting me again a few nights ago. So last night she had put on her Snapchat that she was in Chatswood (an area near me) and I thought that I could see her again cause she was talking to me. So I asked can I come to you to see you. She says yes and gives me an address of a house that’s her friends. So I catch an Uber to the house and tell her I’m there.

She tells me to come round back and come in cause she’s there alone and her friends are out. I’m sketched out and say come out and get me. She says she is too stoned to get up, red flags are going off now. Keep in mind this girl keeps saying she really wants to see me and keeps sending me “x”. So I go round back, there are lights on everywhere and I see too older people inside the house, I’m suspicious now, so I call her, declined. Sketchy she wants me to just come in. Like through a window or some shit. I’m not a dumb kid and am already in trouble with the law so I go to the front of the house and knock on the door. A oldish man answers and I ask for her he says no and tells me to try another house. I now realise my gut was right and she had played me. I text her and this is how it went.

Me: U lied 

Me: I just went to the front

Me: Where r u

Me: Spoke to the guy said no xanthea is here

Her: BAHAHHAHAHW

Her: suck it bitch

Me: So where r u

Her: wait r u in Cronulla

Me: very funny by the way I knew u pulled this

Me: Why

Her: oh wait

Her: nvm

Me: So trying to get me arrested r u

Me: ur insane

Me: why would u do this

Me: come on I thought we were friends

Her: no

Me: seriously u do this to people for fun

Me: why though l

Her: u do heroin for fun

Me: no i don’t

Me: that’s different this is just not funny

Me: maybe for u

Her: hehe

Me: don’t pull that shit

Me: so where r u

Her: in home

Me: then why would u do this

Her: idk

Me: I was just trying to be nice to u the thing I want is sex at the moment and this makes me feel like jumping in front of a bus

Her: u wouldn’t pussy

Me: why r u being like this

Me: I was nothing but nice to u and u pull this shit

Her: yes

Me: look why though

Me: why would u say that I wouldn’t kill myself I’ve got the fucking shit to prove it

Her: huh

Me: look can we just talk

Me: I’m very confused and upset that u would do this 

Her: fuck off

Me: ur kidding me

Me: come on Jesus Christ what the fuck this is sick

Me: but why

So yeah she’s a fucking bitch who gives zero shits about how other people feel and ha s made me depressed again. I was really nothing but nice to her. I’m sorry but I think these kind of people deserve to kill themselves u don’t play with people like this

Fuck u xanthea 
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suicidewatch,Pep_eh45,2019/01/10,"Better off dead than divorced. In the long run they’ll all be happier. My wife of 15 years has been threatening divorce for years as a way to control me and to get me to  do what she wants.   Ive told her before that I would rather die than go through a divorce and live without her and the boys.  Now it seems that she has reached her ropes end and is done. I’m devastated as usual but am really feeling that it’s over this time. Our arguments are always about me and the horrible person that I am. For being distant or not helping out enough around the house or not asking about every detail of her or the kids days. 
We have 2 boys aged 9 and 10. It would be so much better for them to not have me around. She would be happy, and the boys would only have to think of me as in the past, not suffering and being trash talked about by her.  I know if I wasn’t dead she would constantly speak ill of me to them, she does it now. I know she would use them as bargaining chips against me for the rest of my life. 
I don’t know what to do.  She’s in bed and I’m up cruising the internet googling better off dead. I came from a divorced household and hated it. I can’t bear to think of seeing someone else step into my shoes and be with them, and the assured comments from the wife about how much happier she is without me. I wouldn’t be a burden to her any longer. 
Is there an easy way to do it so that they still get all the insurance money? What better sacrifice could I give her. Money and no more problem of having to deal with me, or all the work of turning my kids against me, what a relief. 
I cannot live without my family and can’t stand the thought of having to see them live without me. My death would be painful for the boys, but a blessing in the long run. They wouldn’t have to go through the separation, the fights over custody and money, the belittling of me by her and on and on. 
I like the idea of leaving a journal for the kids so that they would understand my reasoning and thought processes, without throwing her under the bus either. I couldn’t chance that they might blame themselves, but leaving a journal would probably negate the insurance if they found out. I don’t want it to be obvious suicide. It has to be a single car accident or drowning or something where the kids or her would discover me dead. 
She is so harsh and I know without me it will be so much easier on the boys. It breaks my heart. And i know its the best thing, but its so hard. The suicide of my brother 5 years ago was hard for me, but its so much easier now than I imagine it would be for my boys having to go through what she has in mind and all the vindictiveness that she has within her. If I’m gone they don’t have to witness that from her and she’ll be a better mom for it. ",4.075415293342122,4.4490014930313615,4.809399190130897,88.21282559563049,70.65505226480836,8.086938506450702,27.534419436858464,8.00916892397051,1.4536678218287975,2163,69,480,27,37,698,222,574,0.14400000000000002,0.735,0.12,-0.9612,0,0,1,0,5,2,46.0,2,0,12,8,21,17,2,0,39,0,66,5,2,4,6,103,99,49,9,22,27,4,3,1,0,17,3,1,1,11,31,31,0,1,16,1,4,11,22,6,0,0,10,6,81,11,87,57,14,53,2,1,2,0,66,21,0,12,18,373,112,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950165594614178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055852807998942544,0.0,0.0,0.04564683656471236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195097445648677,0.06275217419745344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057117848843677724,0.0,0.0704428282369684,0.2968300128212483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677233520362776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253753907716334,0.07528562791534582,0.053593304246052194,0.0,0.0,0.04328963066320745,0.06920222221622899,0.0,0.0,0.0696644422832032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874094113776712,0.06869148017298063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607375268348467,0.0,0.05945222028519832,0.06935736172739113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655513114647773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327883106649047,0.0,0.03394007095069377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359834768157544,0.0,0.0,0.07013936914892521,0.06439176019138902,0.1144448867236389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145508238739841,0.12026040487366248,0.06627136510580546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954263746598535,0.0449920139903051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745244820068653,0.0,0.07577518218794209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444884267642864,0.0,0.0,0.14214991698517954,0.0,0.0,0.04741188938239358,0.03279355014116503,0.0,0.17781600199387929,0.11880581448560787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712082915426894,0.06777642401082787,0.07861518744919607,0.0,0.0,0.19737638227210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105106693679155,0.0714250046740483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407775474764336,0.0,0.058610363489323185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237136550900741,0.06422890492573115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300155554593335,0.06901497622653212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106978778226217,0.06110745613128025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687421498788683,0.05167557773398599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360556534094125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468462136317916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053951982451422464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459441280969518,0.0860211024633627,0.0,0.10657841784241476,0.03914072836801909,0.0,0.0,0.06414016033819385,0.0,0.0,0.07301198040563024,0.0,0.06987878005962789,0.0,0.05797385708501045,0.07392795065012872,0.0,0.07918332123155833,0.10656031507430562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882326708202581,0.0,0.048867301381092576,0.0,0.0,0.5245150689326917,0.0,0.0,0.1296775759389618
suicidewatch,PeytonSparkles,2019/01/10,"Anyone else saying “ok 2019 really has to be the fucking year this time?” Like sometimes I can’t believe I’ve let it go on this long like it either needs to stop or I need to fucking go through with it. I’m at the end of the rope I don’t think there will be a note or a date planned. I think soon I’ll finally wake up on the day it is and just know. I can’t keep feeling agony like this. I have been so scared seeing my friends give birth to babies knowing that any of those innocent joyous kids could end up as insufferable and miserable like I am. Nobody deserves this. I don’t hate anyone ever since dealing with this mental burden. I feel bad for everyone. Only one I hate is myself. 

Here’s to making 2019 the year. Either the year to stop feeling this way, or the year to stop feeling. Have a goodnight",1.9166071428571383,3.711913160714289,3.317285714285717,91.22771428571433,78.10714285714286,5.908571428571428,22.509523809523806,6.742157984588678,0.5084138095238093,633,19,136,6,15,207,101,168,0.165,0.691,0.14400000000000002,-0.7809,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,4,2,10,1,16,3,1,1,1,27,37,7,0,3,6,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,12,4,0,4,8,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,1,6,12,6,19,31,2,25,0,1,1,2,5,5,2,3,21,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724143105727047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940635590149626,0.13144801218987226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071165848111817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445386195823589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242892847316737,0.0,0.0,0.0827362773243849,0.13226110181651088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071696265725548,0.0,0.2272532848956461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604542601510345,0.0,0.12258635641078787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594686144987167,0.0,0.0,0.14053515329415928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911634467476002,0.2372036182159553,0.0,0.12306722064801552,0.1458200457594023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25331914170012143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402982672934045,0.0,0.0,0.14100938599884225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311849639996404,0.0,0.2507035719513825,0.0,0.0,0.1135323940680438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563440609210601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928589661743178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025045209944905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693245657269186,0.09757013786162833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218570060594453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202116049518008,0.12844042274891196,0.0,0.10223032314607833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612260911664498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688184574907516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217679329957819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440578679288698,0.0,0.0,0.07480678645953842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183043427135063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33045757829356925
suicidewatch,Nayshhh,2019/01/10,"100 advils? Is this amount enough to kill? Please can someone tell me. I want the result to be fatal, i dont want to wake up in a hospital. Please.",-1.3132258064516122,0.6703867096774232,0.5312258064516122,102.29683870967743,101.258064516129,3.7703225806451615,12.651612903225805,5.6839178017228535,-1.2254567741935485,112,2,27,1,5,36,26,31,0.233,0.5710000000000001,0.196,-0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,3,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477486312571825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30658667107139953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32827199836363635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6514095492984769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514062791412237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593426304123482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500212559436681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SexyTimeDoe,2019/01/10,"I'm not emotional at all, and that's what makes me think it's only a matter of time In the past I've been deeply emotionally depressed and anxious around intense suicidal periods. It's what spurred the events. 

Now though, it just feels like logic. I can't take care of myself. If the people around me didn't still for some reason still believe in me and have attachments I would have done it already. Their grief is literally the only thing that has kept me from it. But now I realize that my living state is just as burdensome. I'm never going to get better. Not because my situation is irredeemable, but because I don't have anything in me that will redeem myself",4.417230769230769,6.0758701076923085,5.273846153846153,80.40615384615388,71.0,8.276923076923078,27.615384615384606,8.841846274778883,2.192446153846154,534,19,99,10,10,174,85,130,0.109,0.8320000000000001,0.06,-0.7290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,14,0,0,2,2,24,24,8,2,2,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,1,14,3,12,18,2,17,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,2,10,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872438690561347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320347497379056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407345631869594,0.3044874136111461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850392785124874,0.0,0.0,0.1926805308248276,0.0,0.15125294295487024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436588526408026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729893527973936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501243276141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847480742679087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647265090543522,0.1221764400585813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893506850936398,0.0,0.09719438272970583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835515405205387,0.0,0.1510134445324192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141569143968059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190086248145966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601362322423162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325756434471436,0.11856346080356972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583663732328866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223320157895632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731529551042943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706769038011267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285854593867468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361782645733733,0.1095824574825025,0.16802589370202525,0.0,0.09972290704015144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148742067464605,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicideThrowaway1999,2019/01/10,"I'm So Tired and I Want to End My Life I just needed to get this out there. I dont know how to talk to people I know irl because I dont want to bring them down. And I just needed to get this off my chest and say it somewhere.

I'm so deep in depression that I cant think straight. I've been depressed for a very long time, since I was 12 or so (I'm 19 now). Its gotten better and worse throughout my life, but this is the first time since middle school I've entertained suicidal thoughts. I usually have more of an apathy towards dying. I have an apathy towards everything. I work my brains out and take care of the people I love but I cant seem to force myself to do things I used to love anymore or care about anything above an absolute minimum.

I attempted suicide twice in middle school and once right after i turned eighteen but the feelings of wanting to just lay down and never wake back up have never been so intense before.

I think I would have done it by now if I didnt have people who depend on me, and if i could find a way to do it with the least amount of distress to my loved ones.

I dont think i will commit suicide, but i keep thinking of different ways to do it, and how nice it would be for everything to just stop.",3.2343678160919533,3.8983729157088165,4.442011494252874,89.04163793103449,72.71647509578544,7.639080459770115,25.227969348659002,7.793537801064563,1.1242659003831417,965,28,216,12,18,318,136,261,0.162,0.705,0.134,-0.7142,1,0,0,0,0,4,19.0,0,0,1,4,15,11,0,1,9,0,24,9,3,4,3,51,54,23,4,10,12,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,12,12,0,2,10,1,0,1,8,3,0,3,7,2,31,8,36,42,3,32,0,2,0,3,7,16,0,6,13,150,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756169995925748,0.0,0.0,0.0809543541882821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564440665599048,0.0,0.05996856935028332,0.0,0.08370999440835272,0.0,0.0,0.08700481273901584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981918552555303,0.0,0.0,0.2006000134490016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854454062232694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694607196435708,0.0,0.10209785893632163,0.10278107823354507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067191845615443,0.3458847774839786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713117052532296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768264565560264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049741424213600234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899130913829811,0.08367783977037735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279389574580954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744034025549567,0.0,0.0,0.10812880317904354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897053462050712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705889899222673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663622010962263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588783253019966,0.151745937845827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047663084012322,0.06666153759932353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460279654820573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401182797250842,0.0,0.07823185602248857,0.0,0.19912177769805176,0.0,0.08955702840031472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275385688317925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224601799796559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228192930281988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396585875517339,0.07907020731275355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535606859354885,0.25213925776217233,0.0,0.07809886876216929,0.1147266649272068,0.11306774637812482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070038979973696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849645312395905,0.10834631311974288,0.08116978924110478,0.17407261070885638,0.1561712067174565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161827008853358,0.0,0.1002526672207407,0.1397657470915778,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VirtualCry,2019/01/10,"Will to live is gone. Nobody is here for me I failed my exams and cant get into any university. My parents have me because of it. Wont even talk to me now. I dont have any friends. Nobody texts me or calls me to even ask if im alive. Sorry if i sound dramatic but I dont think there is anything for me anymore

I may kill myself tonight

Sorry to anyone ive hurt",-1.0985185185185171,0.8718562469135842,1.8455432098765456,96.25794444444449,91.46913580246914,4.227654320987655,17.976543209876542,5.6839178017228535,-0.4667293827160499,280,8,67,2,10,98,53,81,0.214,0.764,0.022,-0.9421,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,0,8,16,5,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,15,1,8,12,0,4,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,45,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266653193147398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443748578000744,0.13708875786513622,0.0,0.16133955330716016,0.0,0.18328836000464865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195155256126376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001977894620124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595585257442042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589897618681429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147441691593086,0.0,0.1024325460231532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098848263250502,0.0,0.2117769722303198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169098337867011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312336879085685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176999148646849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43894318603945504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758450617830713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256264583494019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Account2Discuss,2019/01/10,"My girlfriends friend is mentally psychotic but can’t be told anything or else she will push everyone out of her life and possibly end her life. It’s a little hard to explain but basically my GF has a best friend who attempted suicide a years back. My GF blamed herself for not catching it and it was really hard on her. Luckily she survived and everything seemed to have gotten a lot better.

Her friend has a BF who I’ve become friends with and recently I had discovered that they have been having relationship problems but that’s beside the point. Her BF had been talking to me about it since he didn’t know what to do but this is basically it...

This girl used meth in the past and the was she managed to stop was her BF. She used him as a distraction. She also takes anti-psychotic medicine but lately she doesn’t want to take it. If anyone stops her from doing that, she pushes them away. Basically her BF put his foot down and told her she needs to take it, she broke up with him and pushed him away.

And since he was a distraction for her real world she’s been going to other guys to distract her. I’m not here to judge but for now it seems to work. However I recently my GF told me that she (her friend) has been having really bad thoughts. She is once again becoming suicidal.

Last time she actually tried to commit suicide she made plans for the future with my GF. Recently out of no where she wants to make plans to go camping with us. My GF got happy and excited that she’s thinking about the future but I’m thinking that this could be a pattern. My GF also mentioned that her bad thoughts came back a few months ago and once again, she tried to make plans to go camping a few months ago. This to me seems like she’s trying to throw us off that she’s fine and excited for the future so we won’t think she’s having suicidal thoughts.

Now the thing is, she really only has my GF and her sister (and I guess her BF). Her mom abused her and she’s no help at all. Her BF already tried and he was pushed out. My GF and her sister are too scared to try anything, because if they say the wrong thing, she’s gone.

My GF recently talked to her and her friend said she rather live to her 30’s knowing she’s living life as herself than living a longer life with medication as someone else. It made my GF really sad in the moment and did her best to hold her thoughts in.

Oh I forgot to mention, her friend ONLY told her that she had bad thoughts because she promised not to tell anyone especially her doctor because if she does, she’s going to be picked up and put under suicide watch.

So this is the current situation, I don’t know what to do. If anyone tried to tell her anything, she will push everyone away, ruin her life and possibly take it. If we tell the doctors she’s going to hate everyone and yes we would save her life but my GF would live her life filled with guilt knowing that she pretty much took her friends life in a different way.

I can’t really talk to her because I don’t think she knows that I know so much and she will obviously realize that my GF told me and it goes back to hating my GF. 

TL;DR My GF’s friend is pretty fucked up in the head, she’s currently suicidal and only me and my GF know. She only has her sister as hell but if anyone tells her anything she will just push them away and do the opposite and possibly go back to doing meth or committing suicide.",3.9238093260560016,4.978940561046514,4.807429995253916,85.60392026578073,71.44186046511628,8.232605600379687,26.25011865211201,8.603709575120403,1.6601680944470814,2678,84,560,45,49,870,245,688,0.17,0.7070000000000001,0.124,-0.9932,4,0,2,0,1,5,53.0,5,0,4,9,26,36,4,5,25,1,52,14,2,7,4,109,109,53,7,14,22,4,2,1,31,7,11,2,0,2,35,40,0,4,21,0,0,20,12,17,0,0,33,5,116,19,72,65,8,75,1,3,1,1,148,24,2,13,31,375,151,4,0.0,0.053381763033008435,0.0439663204508412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987551515263279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971834002673252,0.07205952445825561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601154866066913,0.0,0.14830280242568475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931930941531634,0.13857534418494954,0.11285492092635227,0.10985828966557737,0.09951746816244304,0.0,0.0,0.0945630353435756,0.0398467064653134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152990892733299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035972047477636444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047071964476787284,0.0,0.09222959863468297,0.039427162650536834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527386945648673,0.0,0.039904576156219916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915342272884847,0.040491736536603325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132783012218885,0.04165180649413288,0.0,0.0,0.15363176265060074,0.0,0.03603389427877838,0.0,0.0496321908944751,0.044610660641956484,0.0,0.04796094684434875,0.08071928116120647,0.08896322872905968,0.0462385236204306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03019882588211488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733239565466141,0.03672511981176118,0.05082300800585547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545844500332021,0.022011166492410014,0.04515606280628142,0.15913444800593715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830340033681599,0.0,0.08526259243883749,0.060147947803074024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045387284382377636,0.04540395453350232,0.0,0.0,0.05276683897679407,0.07192353497545646,0.0,0.06623992207551974,0.033407057935571284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596233143655444,0.0,0.13706274912277208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043009254019122416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425907046923335,0.15237524706505876,0.0,0.09167247137810136,0.0,0.04311070664382839,0.0,0.09058366610194996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051281450372663136,0.14431410970750885,0.0,0.1779420263125274,0.04837126215835446,0.0,0.0,0.042856783914168965,0.03582884331370866,0.04510703230076156,0.0,0.0,0.12304673190703225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453846467982213,0.05064271680643983,0.0,0.0,0.03817420833775651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533452079108258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34497325086502234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550036001401838,0.10863838131783814,0.15751714138629733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986390865033628,0.11547543953193183,0.0,0.17883968718914772,0.026271418770888132,0.0,0.0,0.2152557045480808,0.05005678332932057,0.1835327338949284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838911420277512,0.07782458532316837,0.0,0.0,0.0531481727213782,0.03576186211141462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03279993480741802,0.0,0.0,0.06401030613063907,0.04925960578682719,0.0,0.029013375110223512
suicidewatch,iadrummer,2019/01/10,"Why can't I go through with it? I've seen people die, I know that everyone gets over it quickly and it doesn't matter. I don't have anyone to live for, people constant reminder me that I'm just a burden on others. My entire life is just suffering from mental illness, I'm less capable than most children. Yet there's no help for me, no one is interested in taking me to a doctor or working with me to get better, and I'm too weak and broken to do anything myself. There is no help for someone as broken and childish as me, yet I can't bring myself to kill myself. Why? I just use up other people's time and money, I contribute nothing to society, I'll never amount to anything, I have no future, why can't I bring myself to kill myself? What am I afraid of? Things will only get worse from here why can't I just take the easy way out?",3.43669523809524,4.11059796,5.134071428571428,84.22834523809523,72.25714285714284,7.204761904761906,24.869047619047624,7.1686216300943375,1.0569333333333335,653,18,134,6,12,223,99,175,0.247,0.669,0.085,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,2,1,3,0,14,4,0,1,1,18,28,8,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,11,6,0,1,1,1,21,2,25,26,3,16,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,2,7,97,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213786861057243,0.0,0.24041180843707985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918998973586987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785337607500124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160105438768265,0.0,0.0,0.14951224276629027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957932651403274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289518576888341,0.0,0.08301683961932188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581974781990594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232169938463126,0.0,0.08027808194217452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317591278005632,0.0,0.0,0.12898542645178593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720755968268534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126607571213772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016129961792725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898306871904802,0.11109534967309727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30380656372747644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376745836253228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196579300055336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704462965864308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517653333060941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261604567977357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594621008717565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527233839774022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634312386134638,0.0,0.14886120251866392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JosepThrowaway,2019/01/10,"My anxiety is overwhelming and I cannot last much longer. I obsess about having diseases that I have a very low chance in having. I just left my relationship of 2 years and she's with my best friend now. I can't deal with working these shitty jobs, but I'm in too much debt to get help. I don't even know if I can go into work tomorrow. I need 12 hours of sleep to even function now. I am trapped and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm even starting to lose interest in my own art and music. I can't do this anymore. I feel so fucking alone, like I'm screaming down an empty hallway and my own echo is deafening me. It's fucking driving me mad. I don't see myself lasting another month. ",1.5579277864992171,3.2220854625850386,3.4295238095238108,90.61483516483514,78.72789115646259,6.427838827838827,24.913134484563056,7.321109707123232,1.0323128205128205,541,20,120,7,13,182,94,147,0.223,0.662,0.115,-0.9408,2,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,11,12,3,2,2,0,15,3,1,0,0,14,27,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,1,1,2,5,8,0,0,0,3,22,4,14,27,5,18,0,3,1,2,5,7,2,1,10,79,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789206553162282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114723805692592,0.13215604996994362,0.0,0.1713251753174547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812942709638544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810140137425315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423064193060643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734942326234356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334690218304575,0.3194158844519101,0.09025663870950153,0.0,0.09817986596783818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579311307786495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012752166125872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143131609186596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094940874181428,0.2816345223328656,0.0,0.0,0.18769731859592198,0.0,0.0,0.08439869485590917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932671172592583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789029498834215,0.0,0.2539875827325532,0.12809462368612745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657617619927232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547274157895624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376622723173653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287838519956966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227590464843276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253983251645425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515333923860468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124767029099306
suicidewatch,indigo212,2019/01/10,"This is my last call Over the past two years I've lost 5 people that mean a lot to me. I've been a severe state of depression, and I haven't been able to get out of it. I've tried to talking to friends, and my significant other, but everyone is so busy with their own lives to even talk to me about it. And when they do have time, they just sit and stare at me without offering any type of support. 

On top of that, my mom is dying and there is nothing I can do about it. Shes trying her best to stay around for her grand kids, but I saw her cry for the first time going through all of this and it breaks my heart. She's the only one who's ever unquestionably had my back and there's nothing I can do to have hers. She's my rock and I know that once its final, I won't be able to function at all anymore. 

My boyfriend (samesex couple)and I have been together nearly 7 years. While I am still in love with him, these past two years I've felt as if I've been a placeholder for him. Due to a declining interest in sex between us we agreed to occassionally invite a third. However, he only seems to find interest in my friends... which makes me feel even worse about myself. On top of that... i think he may have cheated on me with one of them.

I have a regular job, and what I thought were good friends, but since I've recently broken my foot and haven't been able to do much my friends have become non-existent. No one wants to come see me, and no one wants to hang out, or talk to me.

I feel like I'm going through so much shit alone and no one has my back when I've always been the go to for advice. I've always laid my problems, fears, and concerns to the side for others. I'm tired of hurting and crying to myself. Im tired losing confidence in myself. Even if I wanted to live, I dont think I'd ever find myself again. That person is long gone. ",3.0351776266061985,3.640752306122456,4.220181405895692,90.66503023431595,73.13265306122447,7.440060468631897,24.212396069538933,7.526774132740827,0.8134146636432344,1432,38,334,16,27,470,194,392,0.15,0.7140000000000001,0.136,-0.7152,2,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,2,0,4,6,20,20,2,1,11,0,34,7,3,1,5,53,60,26,1,6,8,1,3,1,4,2,2,0,0,2,18,22,0,0,11,1,0,6,8,8,0,9,13,6,52,12,58,44,7,49,0,4,3,2,31,17,1,6,23,228,70,2,0.2503388857150451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815427539357861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642519578102469,0.0,0.0,0.1388680047632854,0.0,0.0,0.05674634225746894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275630218802589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428489440408832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283301004117663,0.0,0.0,0.0921598770483019,0.0,0.0,0.08757173862535103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520799729347565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188159450789808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332367396633792,0.0,0.0,0.07187217181373524,0.0,0.08660407998644082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977984365437663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653464730125257,0.15096390286729622,0.0,0.07973651111266265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390028159416733,0.08438590830628284,0.05961404999163425,0.08012152955538268,0.09141133761092313,0.15253680418149618,0.07097937610117944,0.0,0.0,0.2578816028146508,0.0,0.04359724514321279,0.0,0.14227335781374534,0.06999079336326483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888426163568954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933098492998072,0.0,0.09013631831357267,0.0,0.08280757204947721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045859901553844375,0.06801986804791676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040767644818274516,0.0,0.14736921500492212,0.07384734538416474,0.0,0.09335505963603896,0.09109148863822926,0.0709430561438871,0.07531353941349395,0.0,0.05570105004269938,0.0,0.0,0.09089747863427143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977312924478947,0.0,0.0,0.12268525690794935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601379416804466,0.0,0.0,0.08886758103637983,0.2827268463029995,0.12692933552568014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931786190024402,0.057851154249838825,0.07286208632847356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079846834874765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239314951180149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649589347669868,0.07596637316132379,0.0,0.09427056157572207,0.08565642290668027,0.06902763773138343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894264784120648,0.06664031916931888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946938669531401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012129136693004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693803315002064,0.0,0.06624703737761979,0.09731641162162234,0.19181848186111455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330911381631945,0.0,0.1630298104538716,0.0,0.10037561870039527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765636085161085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043925082177805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503890386432293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612100347177173
suicidewatch,Amillionaire,2019/01/10,My reason for wanting to commit suicide is so minor and could be fixed very easily. ...but I can’t help feeling that the entire world wants me to die.,1.9390000000000043,4.1718869000000005,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.0,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.34100000000000064,117,3,22,1,3,39,29,30,0.213,0.557,0.23,-0.3197,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,8,7,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074137859733263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995986112682596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946818889772905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580763689401254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39587324254634265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211584928701447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176886900038978,0.4541993614347543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,actually_crazy_irl,2019/01/10,"The game has been lost, there's no point to keep going I'm 25 and I became nothing. I'm never going to be anything. I don't have what it takes or the drive to become anything. Regardless of what I do, I'll be a loser for the rest of my life. I don't want to spend decades and decades and decades being nothing. It's better to be dead.",-0.256351351351352,1.659507081081081,2.049932432432432,96.84084459459463,86.2972972972973,4.2405405405405405,20.06081081081081,5.148860815047168,-0.36029189189189204,260,8,61,1,8,88,45,74,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,8,18,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,3,4,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,8,12,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312105242616327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28936054422182145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317194133080165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978034662066991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328793512174392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850597095471064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28600605350763697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207203821577646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027958308899473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247676507775456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699284276358836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545355249386986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeansmushroom,2019/01/10,"I'm at the point where I won't be alive this time next week I just need the smallest thing to change inbetween now and then but that seems absolutely ridiculous to ask at this point. It just won't happen, I won't be alive anymore and I'm slowly coming to peace with that. Sometime before next thursday, I'll be gone and I'll be at peace",2.331596244131457,3.9760444366197234,3.1517605633802823,93.54247652582164,76.46478873239437,5.860093896713615,21.6924882629108,6.42735559955562,0.16395586854460076,269,7,60,2,6,85,42,71,0.11,0.7609999999999999,0.129,0.5334,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,7,7,0,15,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397908574899041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260411506408816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574560865623054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25578191808765466,0.2082808043504442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381423080096065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792843322449746,0.0,0.0,0.5142931343796527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571396897825832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201166712278206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391366405504451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606346315896579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409897806789979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394947348288724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BurnerBenson,2019/01/10,I feel like I don’t matter I feel like everyone just treats me like I don’t mean nothing to them. Most times I feel like a backup friend or an ulterior motive to some others. I feel like a disappointment to my parents and I don’t really have a someone I can really turn to. Am I just another number or a face in the crowd? I guess my life just kind of means nothing to anyone including myself and I’m slowly getting tired of feeling this way ,3.0599068322981395,4.316988282608698,5.183540372670809,81.30804347826088,73.78260869565217,8.300621118012423,25.099378881987576,8.841846274778883,1.8219422360248445,350,11,71,7,7,122,56,92,0.07,0.7090000000000001,0.221,0.8555,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,6,0,6,3,1,1,0,19,17,4,0,0,5,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,15,8,8,17,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,5,6,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143895903231645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765139484990917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711398814025362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892303331479581,0.43995206316816265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189479904772236,0.0,0.0804369857101484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960269550007873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032413354039074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874547390482678,0.37608184334950606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33541198146698337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954547537187215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095274520573844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725957338556396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044857613540894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977446608446994,0.1769527000355304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746268738424516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220512737577395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_nancylydon1999,2019/01/10,I’m a worthless junkie The title says it’s all. I’ve never achieved anything in life other then becoming a heroin addict and a greasy whore. Time to go od and cry myself to sleep until it kills me ,1.730853658536585,3.8281590975609774,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,79.97560975609757,5.0756097560975615,20.006097560975608,5.985473137389443,0.1036780487804876,157,4,31,1,4,52,35,41,0.362,0.638,0.0,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652834119343807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27573983773347915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700662438460596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680663733808245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043199279264256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37071307776136336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667480921946596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25843205530987673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664666959736222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353190094505996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538610546602486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,queeeeeenkb,2019/01/10,"I would have saved so much pain if I had just killed myself the first time I thought about it. Seriously, why do I keep torturing myself?",4.16,5.5269496296296285,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,71.22222222222223,8.362962962962964,24.61111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.4710888888888878,108,3,23,2,2,34,23,27,0.398,0.521,0.081,-0.8996,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,6,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286312489066369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434078640395001,0.4274418110787962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840135502361865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41110631210469306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067207381301579,0.2252852564154525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486230483323438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744537391686733,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vista101,2019/01/10,I'm feeling strong urges to kill myself again I am tired of waking up being made fun of by people I am tired of making decisions in tired of being free. I cant even get a cop to arrest me and lock me in a jail cell. Can't even get into a mental health ward where they Lock you in line a cell forensic unit. I just want be confined to help this depression.,1.9916017316017327,3.122246623376625,3.6669480519480544,91.62994588744593,76.27272727272728,6.172294372294372,19.326839826839823,6.42735559955562,-0.05991601731601692,278,5,63,2,6,93,53,77,0.225,0.603,0.172,-0.7766,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,1,1,5,5,1,0,4,0,7,5,1,2,0,9,14,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,9,4,13,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484492045053488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349828015944223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851422820814248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425172655822154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22812242072658975,0.0,0.0,0.14384983699004636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743627695795905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030709748709043,0.14325511396590893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627832432438865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878487369209406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7399944469282913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126583662757846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brownpapercondoms,2019/01/10,"Fuck me. My dad has been pissing me off with his meaningless and repetitive banter, when it really shouldnt. im irritable and depressed, and my dad is mad at me now for being a shitty son and being rude. sometimes i wish my parents were cenile so that i could finally break this fucking curse.

im so alone

love you guys",3.589218750000001,5.131475734375002,5.073875000000001,81.48362500000003,72.90625,8.245000000000001,26.8625,8.841846274778883,2.0971912500000003,253,9,49,5,5,85,50,64,0.355,0.528,0.117,-0.9601,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,5,0,1,0,8,4,1,0,0,8,12,7,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,10,1,4,6,0,7,0,1,0,3,8,2,3,0,4,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24774460370871626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098600894417767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602721883087746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26203777042381965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422829861199937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23685090590595945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167656551670008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158921690287158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656092349183722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324107344462054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365802092075453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750743492077169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brianandstuff,2019/01/10,"living is labor. it always will be. death is free and im tired of spending they keep telling me ""it gets better"" but I don't understand why I would want to keep living if it takes so much work to feel even okay. this isnt worth it",-0.9967714285714244,1.1068433800000044,0.8837142857142872,101.44900000000004,95.2,3.6571428571428566,13.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-1.3277142857142854,179,3,43,1,7,58,40,50,0.122,0.727,0.151,0.1283,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,9,14,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,3,11,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,25,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574088741398414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868218425152108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331350117380627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502254705656926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918362181208598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670842164064381,0.0,0.0,0.43955372115163976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43667183271334825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817652213832885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590943470150587,0.0,0.21611693657414707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841900461361195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25740733073163763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145840892895446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231145151586913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800088896490746,0.0,0.0,0.17564705845189346,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nikylebisnath,2019/01/10,"Can't get a job, can't get a girlfriend, can't get anything for my future. If that's the case, why am I alive? I'm being forced to get a job really hard by my dad. I'm look as hard as I fucking can! I've had a rough childhood and never had friends, hence got seriously bullied at school. Since my efforts of getting a job are in vain, and there are no one that wants to be with me to start a family, why the hell am I alive?",2.5998245614035085,2.4458054210526328,4.496578947368422,91.02521929824564,73.73684210526315,7.596491228070175,25.307017543859647,7.1686216300943375,0.7895964912280702,325,9,82,3,6,112,61,95,0.255,0.693,0.053,-0.9571,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,8,0,12,1,0,0,1,6,24,5,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,4,7,1,11,19,0,6,1,0,1,1,3,2,2,1,4,47,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891432180077754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059259415499842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980892845451445,0.1672942227496786,0.4727195783269794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472991313981706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242084927259753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5387234043746071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196047770858934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395671897263133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226228997974908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115927345522122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831407635758931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496916408094056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808412746456976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673465324056336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265757626082519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2mnb,2019/01/10,"It's always on my mind I'm a 20 year old college student. The girl I dated for 3 years, who just up and left without a word is engaged. My depression and loneliness just gets worse, and the little bit of faith in something more I had is slipping away. Everything I know is crumbling. I've wanted to die for so long, yet every opportunity I have I chicken out. I've tried hanging myself 3 times in my life, 2 times I couldn't finish the noose, and the 3rd time I was too fat and the rope snapped. It is kinda funny, in a sad way. My roommate showed me where he keeps his gun the other day, and I immediately thought that I finally had a way out. But I know I won't do it. I already feel like such a burden, to the few people I have in my life. I don't want to be a burden and cause a huge mess for people to clean up. But I'm so tired. I cross roads and train tracks without looking, hoping that I get hit and die, so I don't dissapoint my family with being just another shameful suicide.

I constantly want to die. My plan today was to drive my car and run it off of one of the canyon roads I live by, but I'm out of gas. It's just all so fucked. I'm fucked. ",1.954227368421052,2.9298710880000023,4.031978947368422,89.59093684210528,76.12,6.8631578947368395,23.55789473684211,7.273561745256523,0.7272399999999997,892,26,208,10,19,307,139,250,0.21,0.746,0.044,-0.9897,1,0,1,1,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,2,12,13,2,1,15,0,17,6,1,1,1,38,36,17,4,5,9,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,9,14,1,1,4,1,0,5,6,8,0,1,5,2,30,5,29,26,4,39,1,2,1,2,4,18,2,2,15,129,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078292771909467,0.0,0.10615317995600183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337742168522299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986154448261295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927959329783646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105535868763676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786398061435728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227575512599686,0.0,0.10988074036747784,0.0,0.3972102214644276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748800694391224,0.0,0.11465678892312547,0.0,0.1202669907255832,0.0,0.06450609357754543,0.09114008640730648,0.0,0.13975291411397375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358833082472323,0.13330604748479727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267114291776141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339512006636945,0.0,0.0,0.14022450717018847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386113421864173,0.0,0.1802209416492924,0.062327029817322126,0.12786433985361298,0.11265165670853065,0.11290045618788655,0.10713143471298002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128815062170767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338692084594052,0.0,0.08644857782800085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768898170089982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821398599386504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954708008421166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012808341602629,0.2231712028948292,0.1466294691754181,0.1209268211383224,0.0,0.0,0.08661550779894914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257423122316425,0.20252726241561894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595679278507865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300105100603743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430910158438028
suicidewatch,nulled-artique,2019/01/10,"I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’ve been stuck in my house for months, my mental health being to bad for me to go out often. When I do it used to be visiting a friend, or running errands with my pop. That friend... she’s been gone for a few months. My best friend, who I saw as a older brother died due to a terminal illness a few months after. 
My only other friends, they don’t talk to me. Not often, barely. They’ve never visited me or wanted to hang out.. I’m to scared and anxious to make the move to ask after all I’ve done.
I feel abandoned.. I feel alone.. I feel lost and helpless. I just want to end it all.
I lost everything 
They don’t care about me
Even my parents have flat out told me I’m a disappointment. I just..
Can’t find a reason to live anymore. There’s nothing.. I can’t stop crying 
I want to sleep forever
I want to die... I’m abandoned again.. and there’s no recovering this time.. my mind is to far gone ",-0.7567016317016346,1.3686155909090942,1.6830303030303035,96.55993006993008,92.58585858585856,4.46029526029526,17.716394716394717,6.093298490706669,-0.3325157731157731,709,20,165,7,26,240,108,198,0.189,0.708,0.103,-0.946,1,1,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,2,3,10,14,0,1,8,0,14,3,1,3,3,33,37,7,2,4,5,2,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,6,0,0,8,8,8,0,0,10,4,27,6,27,25,5,26,0,6,1,0,15,5,0,4,13,105,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891198561555647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061414808490505,0.24687891397526324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636138751930793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392612530042758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062217109236932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690408604092152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672296954476928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583576192699067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737464551479113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024228135461096,0.0,0.0,0.08221037070632285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186439856746146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888052708372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376209292201182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846566868854914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073840327162753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230435658240494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436201128432765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840471596291163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990810002342773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27174447374776456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308379167655175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543512580358854,0.0,0.12567785642265308,0.0,0.2980490714050566,0.13229047891447715,0.0,0.0,0.09599789761550984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943102846257615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466401856315597,0.0,0.0,0.13820770809366978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797450440621105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246148343113522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455854169938416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406136634871646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004318763061497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257867188932975,0.0,0.0,0.11893513090365553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750095174441993,0.0,0.0,0.2936593431137278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobarro,2019/01/10,"Recently found out I was neglected as a baby Which is probably one of 10 reasons why I’m so fucked up. Found out I was often left alone in a dark room as a baby and rarely held. It was pretty much a chore to change my diaper and feed me so my mom would do it whenever she felt like it. Was told this by extended family but they don’t seem to understand how serious that is.

But when I saw my younger brother being raised it was nothing like that. He was raised with love and care and I was a burden. I always felt that I was a burden and now I know it. I was born to be fucked up. 

Now I’m stupid, depressed and suicidal. It’s been that way since I was 7. I’m waiting to learn what day I’m asked to leave earth so I’ll update you all then. ",0.2628703703703685,2.037950888888893,2.635293209876544,94.20256944444448,83.32098765432099,6.519135802469138,18.766975308641968,7.6454224807358475,0.3476530864197525,572,14,138,10,16,196,97,162,0.224,0.682,0.095,-0.9763,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,8,12,3,0,6,0,18,4,0,2,1,27,38,16,1,1,2,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,13,9,1,3,9,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,18,3,16,4,15,17,2,16,0,2,1,3,9,7,2,2,10,88,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956160931370093,0.0,0.0,0.13622579710149302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305344988315867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669205617680465,0.0,0.17319105335489615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055840279943726,0.0,0.14100935505527035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433797351507533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143883070049984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590148441047137,0.0,0.3027077634625264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997467278107159,0.0,0.0,0.17335283974964846,0.17787917973327655,0.0,0.0,0.15996787512823216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776113413059447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174356595916867,0.0,0.0,0.12035095444321882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709103611589278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093898861806102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665592150598343,0.17651479499427655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832851355616588,0.16165095029744567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490419590092189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542853140318042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790800070759708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564387679210945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043534345279382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995106585024654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477292776095025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629997734964255,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scyllageist,2019/01/10,"Title I'm 25, disabled, have PTSD, will never work, cant go to school, no irl friends or social life, my insurance just ended, no therapists nearby, and my mom is being forced to work a job paying less than 1/4th what she used to make because of the miserable job market here, so we will lose our house soon. I spent most of my childhood homeless and on the run so I would rather die than lose this house.

I have no options. The moment I find a method I can tolerate that won't traumatize a random person, I will do it. 

I probably have to wait on an Amazon shipment though, I will have to order a rope or something with Amazon gift cards from Christmas. From my grandparents. Lol.
",3.9694029850746233,5.335076089552242,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,71.68656716417911,7.44955223880597,25.34029850746269,7.908726449838941,1.3626441791044774,532,16,105,7,10,170,94,134,0.16,0.735,0.105,-0.8366,3,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,4,7,4,0,1,8,1,15,1,0,2,1,17,21,7,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,15,1,14,13,2,10,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,5,5,73,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643635057702802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812103177488749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464640748806305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958395238685344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489782235129236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923089220378778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029367720139978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465330142748003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332724211199995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390672125903546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654883902425665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044928894950905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346645752448823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245657961490772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882515342115819,0.0,0.2041015295901316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670752836202805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798574076690976,0.0,0.1344178974829757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027275069711676,0.0,0.0,0.17154653259909886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080090673510751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25422608494586085,0.0,0.0,0.12403294106622807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lucyinthesky__,2019/01/10,Help I struggle with various mental illnesses. I’ve tried and tried to make sense of it but I’m just tired of living in my brain anymore. I don’t understand the way I think and other people don’t either. I wish that I could just rest for a while without the mental suffering that comes with it. I give every body everything that I have to offer and I never get the same treatment in return. Just kind of tired of the whole thing.,2.4685344827586206,4.52483911494253,3.7064224137931054,87.85894396551727,77.39080459770116,6.648850574712642,21.219827586206893,7.6454224807358475,0.8412310344827585,341,9,68,5,8,111,57,87,0.131,0.769,0.1,-0.4057,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,4,5,2,1,1,19,12,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,12,11,5,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186880744369466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369957801570854,0.0,0.2047184941868677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797008233403406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641813273201346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450991155282942,0.0,0.16481476230820466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958111802048808,0.17591976130572828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291921106540765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096743014689735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161932461203762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224110222036124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696182290194982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414379452283562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713618364380902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917139925184353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183295554793346,0.11750580949823175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215485421578993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24901297976624184,0.0,0.0,0.1909104250588439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455626087624944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474298859228,0.2108838903756544,0.17677675574945825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,discreet-username,2019/01/10,"Life amiright I just had my first panic attack today ever, and although I dont believe I will commit suicide, the thought of it is constantly on my mind, and I cant help but believe the universe or some negative force or entity is urging me to kill myself. 

I know everyone has hardships they go through but my life has been increasingly more and more challenging as college started 3 years ago. Dont get me wrong, my life has been a mess since I can honestly remember, and there was a time during high school I was highly suicidal as well, but that's kinda irrelevant to how I'm feeling now. 

Anyways, the start of my current troubles happened when my purse got stolen the day before I had to go to college. It had everything I needed in there, all my money, my ssn,  my id. Now, 3 years later I still havent been able to get another ssn or id. I've tried countless papers, countless offices, but no one has been able to help me. This is really putting a halt to my life because I clearly need an Id to be able to drive, get specific jobs, etc. 

This problem aside, freshman year, I got arrested for the first time for underage drinking. Yes I know, I was drinking in the first place, it's my fault. But there has not been one other time that I've been drunk and acted the way I did. I couldn't remember my name, where I lived. I couldn't repeat information that was literally told to me moments earlier. Idk about you but I think that's more or less being drugged. 

Sophomore years the one that really hit me hard. First semester I was still being an idiot and drinking every weekend, every chance I got. My idiocy got me arrested again, this time completely my fault. I was completely sane and myself while being arrested. Second semester, I have a boyfriend at this time. And horrible, toxic relationship. Everytime we had sex, i was drunk, and being coerced into it. I felt like I needed to do it because he made me feel like it was my duty. Well, st. Patricks day comes around and I'm blacked out drunk out of my mind. My friend told me that I apparently stood up to him, told him I didnt like him and told him I didnt want to go back to the appartment with him. He took me anyways. When we were there I lost consciousness because all I remember is waking up face down on his bed with him anally in me before losing consciousness again two seconds later. I never have consented to anything like this and I know I did not that night. When I woke up, I could feel the pain, but I just kept denying what happened. I am still having a hard time with this and I dont know what to think of it, I just really want to hear him admit to what he did. 

I forgot to mention, that while dating him, he got me pregnant too. I, for one, didnt have any health insurance because I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to get any. I didnt have the funds to pay for it, I was already in debt from all my court fees and classes I had to take. I knew there was no way I could take care of a baby. I also wasnt on birth control because, like I said. I had no health insurance to pay, so although we used a condom, or so he says, he was a huge liar and I dont know what to believe anymore, I still got pregnant. I had to have the abortion because there was no way I could keep this kid. 

And another thing that happened that/this year is my actual dad went to jail for attempted murder, sexual assault, and rape. My dads a horrible person who left me as a kid, but god, those years and memories I do have of him, they were such good memories. And now the memories I have are tainted because I had to learn how bad of a person he truly is. 

But, after st. Patrick's day, I was in a very bad spot and I was literally drinking everything away. I bet u can guess what happened next. Yes, I got arrested again.  And then this time I had to be put in jail for a week. And again I had to pay countless dollars I didnt have and take countless classes that required/requires money I dont have. Sure, I know it's my fault for drinking in the first place but I was in a bad place. 

I went to jail I did my time. I came out, blah blah. Junior year starts and for some reason I think everything is starting to catch up to me. I mean. I also lost my best friend over the summer, and she has been literally the only one I've told everything too. I havent been able to tell anyone else all this damn bullshit in my life besides her. And now shes gone. And no offense to her, but she wasnt that good of a friend to begin with. Whenever something good did happen to me, she always seemed upset by my success or happiness. But idk, having her around still was nice. She was there when she needed to be. 

Junior year started and my life these past years is basically starting to come in my realization. I havent actually emotionally and mentally processed any of this shit these years. And the only person whose really been there for me, my moms boyfriend, he of course is breaking up with my mom and leaving. He has helped me with so much, hes help me pay for my court fees, gave me commission money in jail, signed me up to his health insurance. I owe him so much.  But he just can't take my mom anymore and i dont blame him. His deal breaker was when he realized my mom will put having fun over anything else. All my mom wants to do is party, drink, and have a good time. She will do that over taking care of her kids. When her boyfriend asked her to go to her sons games with him, she said no each time. All she wants is to use him for his boat to have fun and to go to the islands to drink whenever she wants.  Now that they are breaking up, I have become the punching bag for her to take her anger out on again. Although I have my own apartment, i am still on break from college and cant drive since i cant get an id. I am stuck here.

I dont want to get into it all, but my mom has been lying and manipulating people her whole life to get what she wants. She came home today completely irrational and angry. I told her boyfriend about it, because although they are breaking up, he still is temporarily living here, even though right now he is out of town. After I told him, he talked to my mom about it, which of course she lied and manipulated him to justify her behavior. 

Last night, I felt really good and was in a great spot. I was supposed to hang out with my friend today, it was supposed to be a good day. I woke up today from this dream, it was so strange. It was talking about how I'm reliving this pain over and over again, and I'm trapped and theres no way out. And of course, the guy I was supposed to hang out with cancelled on me, saying he couldn't drive out bc his mom wouldnt let him drive in this weather. And idk if that's true or if he was just cancelling, but everytime I'm set for something good to happen to me, it gets taken away. The last time we were supposed to hang out, his grandpa passes away the night before. Now, I'm not saying that the universe did that so I can be unhappy, because that is so selfish. But everything appears so perfectly planned out that's its timed at a prime moment for me to get the worst negative outcome out of it. 

This of course, is just the big stuff I felt worth mentioning, but god this life is just a constant struggle every day, every hour. I am fighting so hard to keep this life I have, fighting back all this sadness I feel because I dont think I could kill myself at this point. I dont know how to. I am fighting back these negative thoughts and this negative presence I am feeling around me. The weirdest stuff happen around me, and it's a running joke between my friends and I that I'm cursed, I'm haunted, and I have the worst luck. The thing is I really do. If it can go wrong it will go wrong for me. Just the other month my  perfectly new phone broke in the middle of the night, as I was sleeping. Another 200 dollars I needed to spend. And my laptop broke because it got too much rain damage as I walking to class. All my classes for the next semester got dropped because the supervisor attending to my service hours forgot to email my conduct officer that I completed the hours. By the time this conflict was fixed, my requires classes were all full and waitlisted.

During my panic attack today, anxiety attack? I dont know which one, god the things spewing out of my mouth to myself. It was a horrible state to be in, how badly I just wanted to hurt myself, and how badly I hated myself in that moment..

It doesnt matter what it is. If it's an aspect in my life it will be ruined. I try so hard with everything I do, I have a 3.6 gpa still, I havent skipped class. I literally go to bed at 10 (during school time), and wake up at 6. I rarely drink, and when I do it's at my apartment (I'm 21 in literally a week anyway) . It's just, the world doesnt care about how hard you try or what you're going through. You drag yourself out of the gutter just to be kicked back in . 

I'm fighting really hard for that big break in my life. I just really need something concrete in my life to keep me happy. God I try so hard to keep everyone else happy. I will put everyone and anyone over myself. I try to keep my thoughts pure and scold myself when I find myself judging others. Who are we to judge other people. There is nothing which makes one of us better than the other. 

I believe theres forces in this world that really try to push us down, and that really try to push us to that point of killing ourselves. You dont have to believe in the supernatural but I do. I believe there are evil forces out there that get a kick out of making it their goal to try to get you to kill urself.

Whatever, I'm crying but I'm staying alive. ",3.4228560912771435,4.4585772186234855,4.590892528524108,86.75984909827017,72.61336032388664,7.652778800147222,26.41939639308061,8.024312696365435,1.4469080971659922,7528,249,1602,105,143,2477,548,1976,0.198,0.7020000000000001,0.1,-0.9997,5,1,12,0,9,6,228.0,8,5,5,19,105,94,22,4,70,2,187,39,7,17,19,266,337,129,7,27,46,12,16,7,5,7,18,6,3,7,105,99,11,14,38,15,17,38,47,54,2,15,109,23,277,40,231,200,28,267,0,9,1,3,145,99,2,20,122,1113,382,28,0.09531770962024648,0.0,0.04650816742222297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02112334960921137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02629636569773539,0.038112768972985565,0.01982799253664001,0.0,0.0,0.048614483343978616,0.07496169708077333,0.01822944674086111,0.0,0.04726477765533302,0.03332417940680698,0.024416064407932838,0.03921917671112864,0.08485297008998417,0.02227729788748665,0.08132824140327967,0.06716559439151372,0.07329343508688475,0.09948288263689392,0.17431437323252222,0.02631773038586227,0.060831262804341875,0.16108562707174126,0.025007513902772227,0.0210751920618992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450903343899117,0.0728870681626346,0.0,0.0,0.04105388341551821,0.09993880504151313,0.051502290931387314,0.026726729092116482,0.07610343505914469,0.0,0.0261755070607524,0.07684004658460777,0.02456709330797245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072070259105926,0.1867501351935928,0.02763457044737488,0.0,0.059719286614770474,0.026804898477451208,0.0,0.0,0.02657611058130218,0.015739112060360844,0.021555081348343698,0.08030928137416389,0.06831011721963985,0.12849811692792176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060244372450900724,0.017023747699520753,0.06863996178628719,0.0,0.021779664941749467,0.1013464938873839,0.0,0.0,0.09205278250850067,0.0,0.1369488152537867,0.0,0.1218853146929991,0.1399089518948809,0.1715271295990427,0.02627202783934926,0.026250800840075916,0.023594879588250697,0.14750598769482412,0.07610060573727055,0.1707718910271033,0.02352662614090475,0.0,0.07598870105195582,0.026857496555535963,0.0,0.06388945154736446,0.05035419675959642,0.023902858620027053,0.0,0.07040155776411179,0.0,0.02550989488905873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02364702975855544,0.10590344986835452,0.1054549232012115,0.0,0.10476824086765646,0.0388483276128673,0.0,0.025231922924264613,0.025890742599563026,0.024367204014777454,0.2019771515530392,0.05820927279620934,0.0,0.04208364194803546,0.0,0.0,0.02665903393479664,0.052025269894214236,0.0,0.0,0.02254798038211966,0.0318126556628299,0.0,0.0,0.025957232280134745,0.0,0.0,0.024014458083161282,0.0,0.048121857345911324,0.2232698989871703,0.019020421608721628,0.0,0.05255211297533654,0.10601531087564946,0.01837872345238495,0.0230146094783694,0.05068573276848562,0.08944921347987027,0.0,0.02286497827836774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130320570406879,0.036246706673346736,0.050712381717077516,0.055917397445765474,0.0,0.0,0.02274788481404509,0.033040649115888575,0.0624208105987112,0.07469003940961366,0.0,0.04505302249880693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022801543792177283,0.0,0.09582062509639984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265741383044162,0.024500620157933244,0.0,0.02558388711878145,0.08098228794204958,0.020350200802143337,0.045334484692363335,0.05685035134706187,0.0,0.048233305452669226,0.0,0.021693415738865296,0.0,0.0,0.024460564793222502,0.03942389719195041,0.0,0.023846636732547388,0.0,0.0,0.055035172250718384,0.0,0.0,0.1011995482001542,0.025398999007591416,0.15224169205926766,0.0,0.0,0.02491169144715854,0.054557986476477686,0.052131051817128585,0.0,0.022458953319581074,0.0,0.10750058279864902,0.03830638221104267,0.020827969876552742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047493638156020035,0.06107573956422721,0.0234122914368617,0.0567537107602444,0.2084269612660557,0.0,0.11293755439093142,0.15939027351249296,0.026475370645366786,0.1456075530300656,0.0,0.023277888023518576,0.0,0.08599160138483904,0.04116194858541705,0.0,0.019661773228701426,0.11244170946144244,0.07565876122236656,0.03822905859087447,0.0,0.04285103407266851,0.044180235882618685,0.0,0.0266047046998383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816121418375241,0.0,0.15345369970393036
suicidewatch,radioactive_snuggie,2019/01/10,"Not to join the meme bandwagon, but my cat saved me My father passed back in September, after a quick and angry bout of cancer. Our cat (his cat), Boris, was devastated at his leaving. Losing hair,  losing weight, general aloofness (from a formerly VERY affectionate pet).

I have fought depression and general anxiety for my entire life. It has gotten worse since my dad's death in September.  Cancer took him hard and fast. The other day,  I was ready to end it. Hang myself in the garage, to be specific. 

Then, that fuzzy little fucker (Boris) forced his way into the garage. He's not allowed in the garage. I dropped my planned activity (killing myself) to get him back into the house. And those 2 minutes saved me. His fur is growing back. He's starting to love on us again. 

That was when I realized that it's not worth it. Fuck all the family that would miss me, apparently. It's my dad's cat, needing me more than anyone ever has, that brought me back to reality. 

Your life is worth saving, my friends. Please don't underestimate who will miss you when you're gone. ",3.355343929129752,5.721558698019803,4.2701771756123,83.38355132881713,75.88118811881188,7.618968212610736,24.492965085982284,8.532816995589336,1.7549762376237623,835,28,159,17,19,269,125,202,0.26,0.6,0.141,-0.9853,2,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,2,2,0,3,9,15,4,0,9,0,12,9,1,1,2,21,24,8,2,2,4,3,3,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,13,6,1,0,1,0,2,6,4,9,0,0,8,3,28,6,19,13,2,33,0,5,0,3,19,9,2,0,16,101,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223708613550392,0.0,0.0,0.11172721384391374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914672433695204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304979110490713,0.0,0.13762483642940535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415243971189537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453704343804022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063354024655012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345151297743533,0.14772107288949776,0.08348243249358295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431383152334829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437345122530585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678131862698715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919201003200807,0.0,0.0,0.2257254322521688,0.0,0.16014916534650306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575229323962605,0.0,0.0,0.14421455872467254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184804899403184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539881510641886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132177964184942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130984944859238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752991673592716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220482359908708,0.0,0.0,0.1318415145505393,0.0,0.12683196922968,0.0,0.19457826488162014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283722808313356,0.1135085353252942,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spelingishart,2019/01/10,"I wish I wish for a humane way to end my life. I wish there's somebody to talk to. I wish I could talk to a professional and that at the end of the conversation they could say it's ok, you provided enough ""proof"", you're capable to make this decision and here are the means to kill yourself. I'm not mentally ill, I've done everything I've wanted to do (and more) and it's been a great ride but I'm done. ",1.6618506493506509,2.8260397954545486,3.7946753246753246,90.2477272727273,77.18181818181819,8.21038961038961,22.798701298701296,8.841846274778883,1.231374675324675,314,9,77,7,7,108,54,88,0.035,0.779,0.18600000000000005,0.8001,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,1,7,2,0,1,1,17,16,5,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,8,2,10,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439537246025306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132458451273476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711131124418468,0.15814119404174332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375511504950875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873777179949706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932675386792928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810348911737364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216182520046252,0.0,0.0,0.16671592934565052,0.0,0.0,0.15423804255626974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217112191336574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460310113675387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027264486333696,0.121483682795996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7039981452100095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_dont_use_caps,2019/01/10,"my rock has left me my father was always a dick, mentally and verbally, occasionalyl physically abusive. it bred a lot of anger in me.

five years ago, during my parents divorce, we got into a fight and we never spoke again.

i had to leave home and stay away for long itme. when i came back i was thankful to be with my friends again.


not long after my best friend, who had a drinking problem attacked me. the relationship brake, was gone for almost a year. we made peace but our relationship never recovered and now we are strangers.

not long after i reconnected with my lost love. my most serious relationship until that moment, she had left me broken hearted and fled the country. now she was back. things started platonic at first but they quickly ramped up to a full blown relationship, we were back togehter.

it ended horribly.


through all this, ive had a friend since we were kids. she was mreo than a best friend, she was my rock. she knew me at my weakest, at my worst. she supported and loved me and cared for me and helped me.


in the last year i noticed her growing further away.


now shes gone.


my rock is gone and i have nowhere to turn with all those pain.


all these people turned their back on me. i think there is something about me that drives people away.


i have people that care about me and love me. they say i can talk to the about anything. but i cant. not really. ive even tried, but the mroe real it gets the further they go. its okay. i understand. i love them still.

my rock is gone and im losing grip",1.7827545454545444,4.2484046633333366,2.8234545454545485,91.01172727272728,82.36666666666667,5.903030303030302,21.75757575757576,7.229369725052465,0.6920666666666668,1189,38,247,17,33,378,161,300,0.125,0.693,0.182,0.9778,1,0,2,0,2,0,42.0,7,0,5,5,17,24,3,0,14,1,25,8,2,1,5,44,51,17,0,1,7,2,1,0,4,0,1,2,1,1,12,22,1,1,3,5,0,9,6,9,0,2,23,3,58,15,31,27,9,55,0,2,0,5,42,16,1,3,29,182,70,0,0.0,0.10321567168232326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722117516381652,0.0,0.08723194091941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248570483116147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168727902108063,0.0,0.0,0.09910458475817284,0.24553899951678046,0.2679407051395885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284122993972912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963504124760404,0.17763675938054274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533841204428454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715701762446152,0.0,0.0,0.05753787878443576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409899946269477,0.0,0.0,0.2692157891210902,0.0,0.04551339307120532,0.0,0.04950881060233926,0.0,0.06967290681302793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323033608195063,0.058390579859878985,0.0,0.0873822980995467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409791081800907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100941770396038,0.0,0.09224099283027017,0.18929891389292652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312790576579215,0.0,0.0974581194395106,0.09509506195205987,0.07406108320245527,0.3144946164969967,0.08242923470426658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779027514155513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437514875813747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917969983436724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269528232968008,0.0,0.0967296253142506,0.0,0.0,0.18118133251401666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335619301653423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991546371704736,0.055807365363659656,0.0,0.0,0.3741107097350156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927643296341578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206147999776343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670645005829674,0.0,0.0,0.061659634027734764,0.09285177718667913,0.06956923610151478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885576884303754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001881579711898,0.0,0.08020273237983444,0.0,0.0,0.05787457354165131,0.05581903995344744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914458836483321,0.18950971492503146,0.0,0.0906885939460687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829539694602422
suicidewatch,CatOnEdge,2019/01/10,"Chasing Peace As I laid dying I found a peace and self acceptance I'd never felt before or since. I'm not doing well in the least and I've spent almost every hour at home curled up on my couch sleeping or crying.

My eyes had fluttered open and I had concious thought from where I collapsed unconscious, my previous attempt. I could see out a window where sunlight streamed in and the shadow of a bird flew by. I couldn't move at all, I was too weak and gone. I was briefly confused but with the heaviness I felt and my paralysis I felt comforted. I accepted my death then. ""This is ok. I want this."" So I closed my eyes and passed out again. I had accepted my end and felt good with that.

Well I didn't die... I was found and nursed back by 2 people who are more than friends to me. My true family. Since then though I've hurt so so much. I've tried so very hard too trying out antidepressants and trying to better cope with the depression but when I'm at my lowest I crave that peace. That calmness and absence of pain that leaves me feeling just so heavy and empty of anything that hurts me.

I don't know how much longer I can make it and for that I'm sorry. I've really tried just so very hard.",1.0848238482384789,3.3717312764227683,2.305609756097564,94.76039295392955,83.79674796747966,5.595663956639567,19.68021680216802,6.937597516519254,0.2248005420054202,938,26,206,12,27,299,138,246,0.163,0.6609999999999999,0.177,0.5928,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,19,18,0,1,7,1,14,5,3,2,3,50,32,29,3,3,7,0,7,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,10,21,0,0,12,0,1,4,5,6,2,0,17,10,31,12,24,13,5,26,0,3,3,0,3,14,0,4,8,131,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166350374985039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585076737561116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956373623568446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911347303676138,0.0,0.0,0.103014570989106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299752394176516,0.0,0.12794467648816918,0.0,0.0,0.1003215959210918,0.0,0.2417697781565367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316417987553173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813701985377504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980428786579896,0.0,0.05889434520273781,0.0,0.44734530819333423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554223590756059,0.0899899547355502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769550457141207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868129029959245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683607527387092,0.0,0.11470652712968585,0.0,0.24938238951799716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401279377766897,0.0,0.0,0.12333248056004074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774939999373018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379677375011558,0.1712482099593726,0.0,0.08983435625232652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239398965161732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075058779720852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746182428509371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928172057061237,0.0,0.1215110669043266,0.0,0.0,0.1927021990603588,0.0,0.11656126526967713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038662979337207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443820541025655,0.0924698439890047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632134784844296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221168927817048,0.068701239041095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945388675322546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rainbowluigi281,2019/01/10,"Why am I like this? Why do I have to worry about stupid stuff all the time? I've had anxiety problem my whole life, but I've always treated it like something you just have to deal with. A little while ago, my anxiety spiked and I just wanted to hurt myself and I laid in my bed. Really I just want to lay in bed all the day. I was going to call a hotline but I was afraid of my tracphone minutes depleting and my family hearing me, and that I was going to call the wrong place.

I've always kept my feelings to myself, because my dad would criticize me if I acted in a negative way. He would tell me I have an aura of negativity and that it ruins his day. I make jokes and make people laugh and they think I'm fine but I'm not fine. I'm lonely and worried about my future and my past. There are some simple mistakes that I worry about for months.

I tried to talk to about my dad about my mental health, but then he made it about himself and said he didn't want to pay for therapy and that my anxiety will go away if I get a girlfriend. I obsess over every mistake I make and beat myself up all the time. I'm going to get therapy at college and instead of an intern psychologist and going to get an actual professional therapist to help me. I beat myself up for wasting my time with an intern because I just told her stuff and it didn't help me that much.

I feel alone, even though I know I'm not.",2.7670089978281105,3.87154166894198,4.545387837418557,86.19554374806081,74.2901023890785,7.375054297238598,23.557089668011173,7.84624498591911,1.0588648464163826,1091,30,234,15,22,371,140,293,0.182,0.718,0.1,-0.9797,0,3,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,1,2,14,17,1,2,12,0,15,2,0,4,3,50,43,24,0,10,12,2,2,2,1,3,2,2,2,0,12,17,0,1,4,1,1,6,6,10,0,0,10,4,47,7,35,30,6,28,0,3,0,0,21,10,0,3,13,162,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.10064485671517254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142293117951276,0.0,0.0,0.10681672864201633,0.0,0.0,0.17163311980734766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669391725215494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689870257775024,0.0,0.0,0.1257402451352329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106246782035103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302705149891092,0.10632762901372476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811967729273076,0.0,0.08689566332965251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722647421692296,0.0,0.10429628289880416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165130070869285,0.0,0.29306991086805234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962765399770474,0.1162406107306026,0.0,0.13825839745994686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104081221958288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668028421061563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284728183062109,0.10077307698465944,0.10336833795407074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758880560366257,0.206530186957102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039357956605877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232135186462958,0.0,0.07581607236804057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845400214968901,0.07150080470502344,0.0,0.10775409612375933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868624093547336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607090493155891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810497744830317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939834130182892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361297396108395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289598499778406,0.09014451267722673,0.0,0.2358876609469735,0.1197476533346632,0.0,0.06608472659661974,0.10132958779669676,0.0,0.1804164972724986,0.0,0.0,0.09854988690985901,0.0,0.07002187703370243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249503847600265,0.08186374140850393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861265438888504,0.11514651472529334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142157155711833,0.0,0.1465282521428113,0.11276190309817592,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrcebolla,2019/01/10,I am on this page everyday I live in a simulation. I would pay to be murdered at this point.,0.29050000000000153,2.113939049999999,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,83.5,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.8980000000000001,71,3,17,2,2,26,17,20,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,13,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.598332090896443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6405498171047439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813466950240437,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pumpcockkids,2019/01/10,I'm really close Each and every day I get worse and worse and I want to move less and less and life feels more like the bad dreams I have every night and I feel like my future is going to be horrible and I wont accomplish the things I want to do. I feel out of whack I dont feel like a normal person I dont know what to do I dont want to wait till I become the kind of person that can go through with suicide ,0.4289361702127649,1.6350920531914923,2.6754787234042574,96.80875,80.59574468085106,5.976595744680853,16.00531914893617,6.6274283507984215,-0.5934851063829787,319,4,82,3,8,109,53,94,0.204,0.645,0.151,-0.8525,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,0,21,23,8,1,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,11,0,1,5,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,4,12,4,11,21,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157141174321692,0.0,0.1608057362272332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093901108352493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119326357841248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453515734052409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944825567699829,0.3120538407413749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607092508445003,0.0,0.16549770378396605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516218570860955,0.08001893523370603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284284928945818,0.2134010379316291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475165878962188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663741532499765,0.14265883870331242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542677314762824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327623416469348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926472467125605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673135864192027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25763912209792605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967613235137518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ayelitaye,2019/01/10,"“Suicide ideation” and the decay of a 17 year old’s soul Sorry for the cringe title. Trying original 

I just found out about this terminology . I’ve thought about suicide daily for years. My father killed himself in February when I was like 3 so that could have something to do with it. Like father like son or whatever.

No friends. Real awkward. Jumpy. Shaky. Nerdy I guess. Can’t talk to people. love life and the people in it.

All the wrong that happens to me is my fault. I’m not blaming anyone else. Maybe daddy cus  he’s a good scapegoat.


First time being high. High off of dxm finals week and everyone loved me. Parents, teachers, students loved me. Break come and it was chill. Second term started Monday new classes and all. 
My one good friend who can talk and everything isn’t in any of my classes so that used to keep me leveled. 
Take phenibut first day and have bad hangover but I held conversations. 
Took etizolam second day and had a long conversation with my mom and she said it was the first time she’s heard me laugh in 17 years. She loved my emotions in the conversation. 

Sober today. Fourth block chemistry. Teacher asks does anyone play video games. Most raise their hand except me. (Don’t do much except make money and read or nothing) She says what do I do and I reply sleep. “No tv” nope “you read?” Yeah I gue- “well it looks like you’re not gonna talk to me. Everyone remember to leave Mr. anon alone”  class laughs and I almost start crying throughout. Wait til everyone leaves and apologize and that I “didn’t mean to seem rude I’m just slow” and she smiles and says don’t worry about it. Start to kinda cry walking to bus.

Manager @ work (subway) smashing my boss and that’s why she gets to keep her job and 2 other cool people leave. She’s always making me feel bad. Yelling @ me in front of customers. 


This was a lot longer but these are the straws that are breaking my back. Daddy’s anniversary is coming up and I feel it’s a sign. I don’t like being seen as depressed. I’ve fought that label forever. It’s like God or something is trying to tell me something. Substances or Suicide. Love you",1.037677993527506,3.6523880266990334,1.9239223300970885,93.49931391585764,92.2766990291262,4.397152103559871,19.488025889967638,6.169941413161824,0.1052183171521035,1665,52,328,17,60,518,231,412,0.158,0.682,0.16,0.623,2,1,3,0,1,3,53.0,0,2,1,4,10,31,3,2,12,2,26,8,2,5,2,64,63,30,4,1,12,5,3,6,2,1,1,5,0,1,21,24,0,5,7,6,1,5,11,11,1,6,14,11,41,20,35,45,6,46,1,1,2,5,42,12,0,11,33,183,62,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607368176774736,0.07868273328671384,0.0,0.0,0.06321370800554606,0.0,0.0,0.051662680917192935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624095922235484,0.0778409596067569,0.0,0.0,0.07102234889436689,0.0,0.0,0.058416778649480174,0.12686472184085826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088406170855196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065642188887758,0.0,0.1669004925413295,0.09798963276703077,0.0,0.06543345229885637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664824712326743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346377122124486,0.08545681174434419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777977754265765,0.06827756623818589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682613682754473,0.0,0.0,0.08322218806244445,0.0,0.19386191497130456,0.0,0.08329795093062915,0.117389548212458,0.0,0.03969155499896538,0.0,0.0,0.12744123694392334,0.0,0.0,0.08369029069129863,0.0,0.06718063881497541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053443054978758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538919694434629,0.13505249700669064,0.08405032318161118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24132600492039394,0.0,0.0,0.05366035189254263,0.22269267856270586,0.0,0.0,0.06723167854332839,0.06379625400735482,0.0,0.0,0.06458757211562377,0.34283261270039417,0.0,0.10142206389451706,0.0,0.07632277896762961,0.08275436350686796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897596526049036,0.0,0.0,0.055847205553103206,0.0,0.0,0.07337297513799894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289593526782824,0.0,0.07971846964917945,0.0,0.0514797122288657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435647144969531,0.0,0.0,0.15800555262964222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198251682668304,0.08647128831939853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605999311545799,0.0,0.072265532494763,0.12082989922538585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916087171333624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602556479381371,0.0,0.0,0.17545786857963885,0.0,0.08504297846003013,0.16131735672172542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929884466370586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057120511476409334,0.1831871120106872,0.06640174004966734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031224952298765,0.08859825182745319,0.0,0.07201134025985065,0.0,0.08440624265024188,0.1031582364470712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656142923699824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093911278776285,0.0,0.06830678271135744,0.0,0.06855173995950138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530757416139023,0.07715193321337882,0.0,0.0,0.08306203400134916,0.0,0.14676791935738948
suicidewatch,kittybeans98,2019/01/10,"Can I just stop feeling my emotions? Has anyone ever just shut down emotionally? I have depression and I just had a panic attack after some really bad things just happened. I felt like I needed to die and I was scared. Now I feel really weird and emotionless. I feel like if I try really hard I can just stop feeling everything. I think it would be better than feeling this pain. Is this possible to do successfully? I expect to feel things sometimes but I think I can shut it down/push it back when that happens. Would this damage my mental health though? How would this be good or bad? Has anyone done this? Sorry if I sound crazy, I feel really strange.",1.6018347338935612,4.333316690476192,2.940270774976657,87.18348739495802,88.44444444444444,6.139309056956116,18.522875816993466,7.5105763829236425,0.8236915032679746,517,14,97,10,17,167,73,126,0.29,0.602,0.109,-0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,11,14,1,2,1,0,16,2,0,1,1,32,29,10,1,7,9,0,9,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,3,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,4,10,18,5,6,20,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,9,71,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350891908924346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115051501642964,0.0,0.09540418492394556,0.2071909075208456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973214822842386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686356433294723,0.0,0.12876778925105573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696936560977992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27912999173023606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223078654017432,0.0,0.0,0.1115084690758242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391439064285727,0.08863750330153626,0.11912917074894212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406622564117217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943401320605824,0.0,0.11114469564735288,0.0,0.0,0.13188339135143945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123122829879066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503601705109474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199827434803826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320220136369493,0.14557248463133307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987323487526646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179363853655017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421833555754935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271099202336867,0.13888913820748705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074605289990643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648566689763894,0.15900144794263962,0.12190071752471865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423716348241378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26441288466043483,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sad-throwaway2222,2019/01/10,"I don’t know if I can keep going on. I have been struggling and in and out of treatment for various mental illnesses my whole life. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do my life is always in turmoil or there is always something going wrong. I have had one of the absolute worst years of my life and I feel at my breaking point. I have tried so many therapies and countless meds. I am really just done. And my support system at home seems to be tired of my mental health issues and has been very hurtful the last few days, which makes me want to die even worse because they are pretty much the main person in my life. I’m so lonely and have no friends. I don’t feel any joy in life. I just feel like regardless of what happens in death it’s gotta be better than this suffering. 

",2.6807211538461537,4.212161437500004,3.738750000000003,90.17894230769234,75.25,6.6730769230769225,22.93269230769231,7.321109707123232,0.7505961538461539,610,17,130,7,13,197,102,160,0.225,0.664,0.111,-0.9724,0,2,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,0,2,3,0,20,8,0,1,0,23,35,11,2,3,4,0,3,1,1,1,8,0,1,1,6,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,3,19,5,19,28,6,17,0,3,0,0,3,10,0,4,4,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070209563025187,0.0,0.0,0.0901866248955143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084434879922127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729223332306647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552938114239826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376393502284323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571702273597192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759472267961738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011710347168052,0.09474425577430616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246242513295106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074280201246165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727604850314488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409696042551678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330293770094276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197320406790842,0.0,0.0,0.13842155660695754,0.0,0.1178793732004294,0.0,0.0,0.07288486930868929,0.10810357251303593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683696182599298,0.06479177590720141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852534818358286,0.13445657585455215,0.0,0.0,0.1473117023620227,0.0,0.2673009491296018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749147526341856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986721970459434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579928128223504,0.0,0.0,0.12536942988037528,0.0,0.0,0.13492293160467894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496021743909324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146581183639995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209789540940016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864395243044095,0.0,0.0,0.15049640063249248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166333037222646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524279872801705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004075098470793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942596804397747,0.07822312593083594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480662772599905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515182510865625,0.0,0.14499991813326818,0.0,0.08540338373713117
suicidewatch,RobertdeniroBOI,2019/01/10,"I think the girl I love moved away so I'm probably going to kill myself. Theres a girl I've been in love with/infatuated with/had intense feelings for,  for almost a year now.  I would go to her workplace a lot to talk to her and I asked her out but she had a boyfriend so she said no.

This obviously made me sad but I understood and I really liked her so I wanted to at least be her friend.  I was okay with that.  But then she quit her job and the past few months shes only occasionally comes into my workplace and she would barely even say hi.  I haven't seen her in a few weeks and on her facebook it says she got a job in a town like 30 min to an hour away.  I thought we werwe at least becoming friends but she completely forgot about me.  I can't blame her I'm a forgettable piece of shit.  I can't move on from this girl I'm 22 and I've never even kissed a girl I'm so pathetic and I loved her.  

At first I thought she liked me back, because a girl has never responded to me the way she did but I guess it was all just in my head.   I'm probably going to down as many pills as I can in the next few hours I can't be alone and I can't live knowing she just forgot about me that easily.
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suicidewatch,nobody2204,2019/01/10,"what’s the point? ( rant) I found my note I wrote exactly one year ago and I wish I had gone through with it. On a different occasion I took a cocktail of 40-50 pills but all I did was end up sleeping for 15 hours. I’ve never considered it an attempt, I was so numb and didn’t comprehend what I was doing. Ugh I’m so done but I know I won’t do anything about it. I’m too chicken to do anything, even though I just want to escape 

I don’t know what to say. I’m tired of going on and fighting, it feels useless. We’re all here for nothing, we’re going to die anyways so what’s the point of suffering until it naturally occurs? ",-0.6679411764705883,1.426138088235298,2.1064705882352968,94.20911764705885,90.91176470588236,5.258823529411767,21.23529411764705,6.794906146795322,0.4822323529411765,484,18,112,7,17,168,83,136,0.213,0.747,0.04,-0.9802,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,1,0,5,0,12,4,1,0,4,18,26,10,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,4,1,0,4,1,0,4,4,5,0,1,11,2,13,0,16,14,2,15,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503482861069214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249826377390125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049304934695788,0.206301849041445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206835033255988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488940471781214,0.0,0.0,0.1304193147836931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984082640097723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165027841264644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444015284968571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445660568583015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170357853202076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229197873848047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894665206126234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380282346753805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733237491857591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702672932376396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976008564286932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940017324358274,0.0,0.0,0.22694921619476904,0.0,0.0,0.2193833861129441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646599443498255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706724774264064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715664193543058
suicidewatch,ivefailed,2019/01/11,"On my 20th birthday, 03/20/2019, I will kill myself If my life improves before then, I will reconsider. But I promise to myself that if things remain as they are, I won't let this worthless life continue. Besides, you never saw yourself making it to age 20 anyways, it's only fair.

This is a scary thing to write down for me, because I don't seem to like to set things in stone. But I know that if I set this date, I won't be able to run and hide from my feelings anymore.

I guess I've passed the threshold of truly suicidal, instead of some little gay bitch who never gets things done.

If it comes to that day and I'm ready to do the deed, I'll post the past years worth of shit I've written down on my phone notes to help cope. No point in keeping my feelings a secret when I'm dead, I might as well tell my jumbled mess of a story.

I shamefully apologize to everyone in my life who this may affect. This has been years in the making, and it's finally time to act. ",3.416929637526657,4.195144925373135,4.451076759061834,88.72220149253735,72.38308457711445,7.13589196872779,26.29744136460555,7.1686216300943375,1.0799918976545841,754,24,164,7,14,246,122,201,0.179,0.7240000000000001,0.097,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,1,0,4,9,3,1,7,0,15,5,1,3,2,26,29,13,3,4,6,0,2,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,18,4,0,1,5,0,1,4,6,6,1,0,4,3,23,3,27,17,1,30,0,1,1,1,10,10,2,9,14,108,41,0,0.15476362860235865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348393334598684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434247153193133,0.0,0.13169244906074845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331516233273424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980973717297277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837692484437751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788327937915313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650628149617946,0.0,0.0,0.16953599034748154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085760831152408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048958511126625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373479797488164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756102406097362,0.17122302490927552,0.0,0.08505404286130869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582562958025541,0.3279423833582882,0.07560969152227624,0.1551138137236289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661184770269125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417975285367453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387265025064087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770471346829164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773939537054545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463016530547859,0.0,0.1482207755827572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089099496420018,0.0,0.0,0.15886264074721812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692862905376123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352702328815184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112723119813232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024391641416818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391510884781232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932540539008006
suicidewatch,SissyBrittneylove,2019/01/11,No one has responded please Please help me ,3.17625,6.225134125000004,2.2800000000000007,92.965,82.75,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,1.64135,35,1,7,1,1,10,7,8,0.163,0.29600000000000004,0.541,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800563129651213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831260236013018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9172830077615616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thats-not-good,2019/01/11,I just want my life back. Ever since I came out as trans everything has been getting worse and worse and I just can’t fucking do it anymore! I’ve started saving up my pills. In a super secret hiding place. I miss my friends and my happiness. I’m such a fat mess and I can’t do anything right!! Why can’t I just be normal!!,-0.9147826086956528,1.2149923768115976,1.4662173913043477,96.84019565217392,96.2463768115942,3.919420289855073,18.49420289855073,5.6839178017228535,-0.3105953623188409,250,8,56,2,10,84,47,69,0.188,0.648,0.16399999999999998,0.3753,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,1,14,15,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,10,4,4,12,0,9,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348973028292683,0.0,0.0,0.19491213723268414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212748553000666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708999294997151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142496261344458,0.0,0.0,0.2128707153074064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299419907869835,0.2189693651255666,0.12374737662467555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213739727729245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729825212522376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206838910213676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474638927881132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227355411744408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592956059029765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764775024864315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970368416101542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372551373374926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827525789613438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,two_twentytwo,2019/01/11,"can't get out fiance left me for much older man abt 8 months ago. it still hurts just as bad as it did that morning. coming close to flunking out of a school that I can't afford anyway. my family has never been close to or supportive of me. living with type 1 diabetes and barely getting by. i wake up every morning and my first thought is that this is gonna be the day I die. i don't talk to anyone anymore, haven't heard from close friends in months and months, can't seem to engage with anyone or anything. can't run away from all the hell in my life. idk man im just pressed. this has been more of a rambling than a coherent thought and i apologize",1.4759460976979248,3.408896167883213,2.817810218978103,93.63043234138128,80.02189781021897,5.675238629983156,21.487366647950587,6.67199483983844,0.3161548568220094,513,15,113,5,13,166,88,137,0.154,0.797,0.049,-0.9364,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,5,0,14,3,1,0,2,21,23,8,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,7,12,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,6,2,10,3,22,15,3,21,1,2,0,0,6,10,1,3,9,73,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596873760724561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786551012046136,0.251922676454696,0.0,0.14824370984209476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925184261575912,0.0,0.15041327049268866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517867765985868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161784058247135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869617209279892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177964970234184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982435754538533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323095988490587,0.0,0.0,0.13917932118626486,0.0,0.18823630436281166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284858955047304,0.0,0.1945871510055533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572770544348994,0.0,0.12724150428628364,0.0,0.0,0.1590710394558826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313692583818384,0.0,0.13242705636728594,0.0,0.13893867108996996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231601828147745,0.0,0.16399693710876634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386376204258502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044260308481652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479345783877293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860294830552967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zestygag,2019/01/11,"I [F21] feel depressed all the time (having a relationship is sad and good grades get you nowhere) I just need someone to talk to but therapy is not an option and the people in my life don’t give a fuck

I recently graduated but my degree means shit and I’m unemployed. I’m very much a ‘Type A’ person so I feel stressed not only not having a source of income but I have no routine.

I’m in a relationship but my depression is ruining it. He’s a great guy but I just feel
sad all the time. Since being in said relationship (my first one), I’ve never been so aware of my flaws. When in a relationship, your significant other has so much power to hurt u, intentionally or not. I always find myself feeling upset at things when I just should be a regular person about it. 

My family is soo stressful right now. My aunt has a rare disease that is progressing rapidly, my mom (very stressed and has Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD and anxiety) is threatening to kill herself (I have younger siblings but I am the only one she opens up to. My mom is high all the time to cope. My siblings are a stress all on their own. I have 0
relationship with my dad and I don’t know what to do. 

I’ve applied to a school program and i did so late so I don’t know if I’ll get in.

To top it off, I hate my appearance, I am
the flattest girl you’ve probably seen, I have heavy under eye bags and acne. I’m also half asian which really makes me feel like shit (compared to Western ideals of beauty and my general community) 

I’ve tried to kill myself before (I chickened out) but everythin seems to be hitting me at once. I am sad all the time. Always lonely, always tired. 

",1.7514144438395929,3.8974843083832376,3.9021829069134455,85.11286790056249,80.16766467065868,7.16225730357467,23.594266013427692,8.199878495009871,1.4863385229540915,1285,45,264,26,33,440,176,334,0.255,0.6809999999999999,0.064,-0.9977,4,2,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,2,1,5,13,24,6,5,19,0,30,6,3,2,6,52,54,26,2,4,16,4,5,1,0,1,2,1,0,4,8,12,0,0,10,0,0,1,9,20,0,4,4,8,41,4,29,45,9,28,0,9,2,1,22,16,3,5,12,175,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831117668680661,0.21323145045826816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534686357217176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268701546288181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071905576165415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789991503832368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052735642743301,0.0,0.2159572280773536,0.0610248097060518,0.0,0.0,0.07807328515384691,0.07265909496564324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789703771746003,0.08925793798428414,0.0819436474493864,0.0,0.0716471175296463,0.0,0.09417700072784314,0.0,0.08458026178047386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433559452449793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025202115871256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144499253064103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890114543080724,0.0,0.09389034181889518,0.0,0.09635865642311302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060335408395618184,0.041732406497264216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701920905826743,0.0,0.0,0.09304855713031984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000881847415573,0.0,0.0,0.12558858956229832,0.06333862051907409,0.06588197388249102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909706222365911,0.11576701798890628,0.12993310381792916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059220195236983325,0.1491727186327716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209833126279167,0.0,0.09985262729549606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547229070452152,0.0,0.08434297402618264,0.4585511576304376,0.0,0.07294910341426762,0.08125497247445912,0.0,0.0,0.08645065524631433,0.0,0.0777641087441511,0.0,0.0,0.17536694482977752,0.07066116892925559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237697196156541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913980615101617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865819813054372,0.0,0.0,0.09768640641812,0.0,0.056749944878486724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923878687385616,0.0981789222114665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057995280555276876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096261186939776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bb2848,2019/01/11,"Anyone had success getting through trauma/PTSD? I feel trapped in my depression because I haven’t been able to sleep due to trauma related nightmares. It seems to be affecting every part of my life and I don’t know how to overcome it. I don’t want to die but it’s hard to feel like my life is valuable when I struggle to do very basic human functions (sleeping, eating, driving, etc). My therapist recommended emdr and I’m really terrified to start it but at this point it seems like my only option. I don’t have a stable living situation either so I’m not even sure I’ll be able to still see my therapist. I just really need to hear some relatively successful stories from people who have experienced abuse since early childhood to early adulthood that have gotten through something like this. I’ve been telling myself “it’ll get better” since I was 12 and so far it seems to have only gotten worse. I’m hopeful (I’m only 20) but at the same time hopeless. Would honestly just like to be able to sleep at night and let my loved ones touch me without feeling unsafe. Any tips or support would be really appreciated right now. I was kicked out of my house (without any notice via text) and am currently staying with a supportive friend. Trying to stay positive but I keep getting intrusive thoughts to self harm that I haven’t acted on yet but am worried I might. I don’t want to put my siblings through a suicide, but I also don’t feel like I have a future career wise. I had to take a leave for financial reasons and honestly am so afraid. (If you happen to know me irl and come across this post I’m safe right now just reaching out for support) 
.
TLDR: I can’t sleep, getting ptsd flashbacks/nightmares, no appetite, can’t be close to people physically without feeling unsafe. Also don’t know where I’ll live in the next month which is causing a lot of anxiety. Hoping for some encouragement that this isn’t the end for me ",3.401149732620321,5.641986815508022,4.538502673796792,82.11598930481286,75.22994652406419,7.073796791443851,27.84491978609625,8.027739517013583,2.00305026737968,1535,63,279,25,34,502,195,374,0.133,0.648,0.219,0.9915,1,1,1,0,1,3,36.0,0,1,0,3,16,28,0,2,9,0,38,8,4,4,1,60,77,22,2,8,16,0,7,5,1,4,2,1,0,2,16,12,1,2,13,0,0,4,16,6,0,1,9,10,31,22,44,58,7,39,0,2,1,1,9,15,0,12,22,178,47,3,0.23148117938296436,0.09142244849541477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341027701380662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494342653885844,0.0,0.05902748954537253,0.0,0.0,0.053952340943357116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047036259473742126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824209734857313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926497855060073,0.0,0.06646684643134633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645813353661742,0.0,0.08008030601149664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895434528285272,0.0,0.0,0.06834120589306006,0.0,0.08605423476611647,0.05096371194381684,0.0,0.0650109591105165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507306587874493,0.11024680053554424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059613928325795186,0.0,0.16125248292566952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823268081667354,0.0,0.06912055639661224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696537090142599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327536113679016,0.0,0.08903273391662582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858370271776981,0.0,0.0,0.1272160024330476,0.0,0.0,0.08170171524093774,0.0,0.0789017297496047,0.1090013351399712,0.18848335280084752,0.0,0.1362680815513067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655990069553621,0.0696402673405892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185498355262562,0.0,0.0,0.061588689641403724,0.0,0.0,0.057213453808364775,0.0,0.0,0.0820609534568355,0.07240980196192487,0.0,0.0,0.08784761899147718,0.0,0.0,0.052285879309968634,0.1760518678621806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355718653183103,0.0,0.10698660239034263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294151194876411,0.0,0.07389832751360767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803927408774024,0.07756750693687844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829277092708432,0.07933373518055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178910826758367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061486843332965675,0.21073177188516307,0.08049511808859497,0.0,0.0,0.1276557490973952,0.08673151476922462,0.3088644697631116,0.0,0.0,0.05940184034540445,0.0,0.0,0.05461452339811795,0.16448542511419187,0.0616203896238882,0.0,0.0,0.08066479621450298,0.0,0.08440094644308098,0.26268209918770546,0.07272275736707076,0.0,0.05801501290258911,0.0,0.06744158457556547,0.0,0.0,0.1791783271159759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125673324380838,0.04499284574018001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238684199245006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366540522040197,0.09102239804708397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223139596500028,0.0,0.0,0.07836012467574686,0.078633032593885,0.10962505887610964,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayhuman7252,2019/01/11,"I am so sorry mom and dad dad, you are the only one of your side of the family to have gotten out of poverty, I always admired you for this. its hard that you live so far away, I can't even hug you before I go

I really wish you had been there during my teenage years, I drugged myself a lot and mom couldn't handle it.. You worked with drug addict in a rehabilitation house for a while, maybe you could have helped me not hurt mom so much idk...

I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for never calling you, never texting you or give you any news, I know you told me that if anything were to happen to us you would never forgive yourself, but I think you should, you were a great dad even if your's was a shitbag, really. I love you and I miss you dad, so much. Tell your wife that I miss her too


mom, I don't even know how you are still sane after all the crap load of bullshit that happened to you. And yes mom, I did steal my big sister's pills again, that's the reason I had to call an ambulance, it wasn't ""just a panic attack""... And you know it, I hurt you so much all the time, I made you come to the hospital on your only free day of the week, an hospital 3h away from home, I lie to you all the time and never tell you what is going on in my life, its not because I don't love you, I just don't love me and and what I do, I drug myself all the time, I hurt your son with drug all the time.... I don't deserve you, I did so many mean thing to you, and you always had my back. You life was really tough mom I know it and I am so sorry, I don't want to ever hurt you again, I love you mom, I am going to miss you a lot, you deserved a better son, and I am so happy that your marriage is working now.

I wish I could do this without hurting you, but I know I can't... I can just remind you that you were the most caring mom someone could dream for, I still don't understand how you are doing it... I love you.. bye",0.8623142178486631,2.060546130641334,2.9191951136749275,95.55759144893112,79.38004750593824,5.666535459789617,17.966813708856467,6.025991092188313,-0.4839416219884627,1455,25,361,9,35,493,166,421,0.075,0.725,0.201,0.9971,0,0,4,0,0,0,60.0,1,44,0,3,26,26,2,1,21,1,42,15,1,4,10,64,73,27,0,12,12,16,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,0,20,15,0,0,10,1,1,4,17,13,0,1,15,1,94,14,32,52,11,34,0,8,0,6,78,10,1,6,21,270,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464141799923201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867808325746588,0.0,0.0,0.040323329303854384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879557496350851,0.0,0.0,0.06745778694393957,0.11142113190321816,0.045594981919907435,0.0,0.03614630553880284,0.0,0.05045654861068483,0.0,0.0,0.05244251411503673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109573930236968,0.0,0.060456247795924074,0.0,0.0,0.05107827378682903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202914932767832,0.0,0.0,0.03824102969764572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750582479140333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749339279462358,0.053636647985992915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589901371236776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056882148820350836,0.10109788983859418,0.0,0.0,0.06537407520411244,0.0,0.0,0.10487055544490873,0.06312171958414589,0.05311759009916072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974487462242233,0.0,0.05947874623817469,0.0,0.0,0.06841964984273136,0.3173880975469529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293771885840055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376506993091867,0.0,0.0,0.052359475073583725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008227174090774,0.2675848812448715,0.05610733112096359,0.0,0.060116860915164924,0.05957082549838837,0.06459075277891359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555742882298724,0.0,0.0,0.13076819980523285,0.0,0.1829309951220817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040180520093400535,0.09019459565339236,0.0,0.06957110749484235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395965298045067,0.06096618786133998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024132825948488,0.0,0.0,0.19913113089819384,0.0,0.0,0.0947077618707564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554820142607393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939364319996426,0.037994497568230666,0.0,0.0,0.13830395251498795,0.0,0.0,0.0566598914965863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172925161421301,0.07132581530224416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994866189394018,0.0,0.04756369334305927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637500127476498,0.05715925063725101,0.0,0.08633642259029176,0.0,0.0,0.042122193783895465,0.0,0.0,0.03818469501531448
suicidewatch,ikenziclearly,2019/01/11,"Normally I bounce pretty hard between highs and lows But my highs don’t even break the surface anymore. I feel no happiness lately. Nothing. Just fucking nothing. Don’t even know whether to post this but I can’t say anything to anyone I know because I’ll scare them. I feel nothing. I cut for the first time in a long time. I’m scaring myself and idk. I’ll stick around, but idk if it’ll be for long. I feel useless. Honestly just shouting into the void. ",0.4012087912087914,2.8436420329670327,1.7274175824175837,94.25508241758243,95.7032967032967,3.91868131868132,24.082417582417587,5.773587663045528,0.5788329670329668,359,16,71,3,14,114,59,91,0.202,0.685,0.114,-0.7375,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,2,2,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,17,12,7,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,6,10,2,8,10,0,15,0,2,0,1,2,7,1,1,6,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055849400147698,0.11320226868322635,0.0,0.13322758005201593,0.14412280946870182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869101487905133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386311369196814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24558022762701276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377096538953229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967132901723498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234255268447468,0.1450280684754385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421065071894028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794890621893053,0.0,0.1826270645418815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865478095903611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862485695150846,0.4660341158723696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505274062564048,0.1647076295164723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874713121190612,0.3241746296612281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880708874708896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EquivalentPresence6,2019/01/11,"Aspiring musician with hearing problems, I want to die. My dreams are crushed. I am 18 years old, and music is the only thing that has kept me going for quite awhile. But I recently took a hearing test, and while my left ear was within normal limits. My right falls under ""mild hearing loss"". I also have tinnitus.

​

I feel like the joy of music has been sucked out of me on this very moment. Feel like there is nothing to love for. Even though there are people that have mild-hearing loss who still can create great music I just don't feel normal anymore. I feel like there is something much wrong with me. I have failed, I have failed at keeping my ears safe, even though I tried my very best at protecting them. I feel suicidal and depressed once again. I'm a big hypochondriac and seeing a fear come true is one of the worst feelings.

​

Please someone help me get through this. I don't know what to do or feel anymore. I used to love sound, but now I feel like I can't enjoy it anymore without being afraid that I will damage my hearing indefinitely.",3.569565217391304,5.657084434782611,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,74.21739130434783,6.1458937198067645,25.02657004830918,6.937597516519254,0.9750946859903378,846,28,163,8,18,261,124,207,0.173,0.6990000000000001,0.128,-0.8948,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,7,12,24,1,2,6,0,22,4,2,1,1,33,48,11,2,4,5,0,8,4,0,1,0,7,0,0,9,8,0,5,9,1,0,4,4,12,0,1,4,16,27,12,19,42,3,21,0,6,1,2,9,9,1,2,12,107,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994664860950067,0.0,0.1895390741135014,0.21256189196198802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602287540383436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179032826474737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534434350220116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533446688899327,0.0,0.09077605464739023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554113441528573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842373586477696,0.3538041083089904,0.24994334034332336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045697453378819725,0.0,0.04970902874241142,0.0,0.0,0.09643173923366766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929035398694069,0.0,0.058626716683911825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774393300813368,0.0,0.0,0.04806910864046465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503222797243024,0.0,0.0,0.17092617135121066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788323068747084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429768428490189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139651249104598,0.08392612996628307,0.0,0.0917810111072542,0.093148595237116,0.059269326928485584,0.06652194850311925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063801544246152,0.0,0.0,0.09601156718381328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369329305441067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930310170195652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636227119813396,0.0,0.0,0.07469561425197044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969919732433974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410978511504775,0.06733571553255367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985058042970649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567377184483597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810862358912774,0.0,0.17187009670571354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717811102365012,0.05938377446794636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554267064214731,0.0,0.14433746800632247,0.051589801480481236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431424742963713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563050443414306,0.21256189196198802,0.056325332954037736
suicidewatch,Throw4w4y1989,2019/01/11,"Need to help a friend My friend broke up with her boyfriend who is also one of my best friends, she knows she caused the breakup and feels terrible constantly. She knows she won't be able to get back with him and doesn't see any reason to live. She's tried to overdose on painkillers and alcohol multiple times including today and has been stopped halfway through each time. She's been to the doctors to get and get help but the mental health services where we live are swamped and can't see her as often as she probably needs to be seen. 
What can I do to help, today to stop I had to use a way of talking her down I'd rather never use again but I don't know how to help, I've read the resource guide in the community details and just want to know if there's any one else who's been in a similar situation to me who can advise me with what to say to try to help. Thanks in advance to anyone with and advice ",5.962857142857143,5.033163830687833,5.953486772486772,86.0419761904762,66.77777777777777,9.464761904761906,31.59841269841269,8.548686976883017,2.050635555555555,720,24,162,9,10,227,109,189,0.042,0.812,0.146,0.9601,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,8,0,16,3,0,5,1,36,33,15,0,5,5,0,1,0,3,1,3,1,0,0,5,14,1,2,6,1,0,1,5,2,0,2,5,5,19,5,32,25,2,19,0,1,3,0,26,7,0,2,10,105,24,4,0.1208373097613578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808082058033124,0.0,0.12913833516237122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966335529588403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434702865127518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449225659253695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291643236449144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268113015249741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413320329382105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058220361127318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368210685598205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094406680069183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061098974570255975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28007581731515385,0.0,0.18939752092281845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284444096689736,0.0,0.0,0.4049735079593375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656361011047302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340311672284107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177558700087444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791986681281089,0.09319718267181036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376497677690574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028305766576947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087001005350145,0.0,0.0,0.124240879860197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609467877670948,0.0,0.0,0.19258338204113493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582619905657706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205080339410725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971244523502381,0.0,0.11125075982368507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092241413950318,0.0,0.2290792810359916,0.0,0.0,0.16408120271725732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087292760773856,0.0,0.0,0.07127297608398926,0.0959150319747693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FireEyedDemon,2019/01/11,"I Can't Do This Anymore Hi,

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I'm a 16-year-old girl. New to Reddit.

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I don't post a lot but I can't take this anymore. I have BPD, depression, anxiety and a bunch of other shit that I can't seem to fucking deal with. 

​

This week, my boyfriend left me. Two days ago. Now, my best friend just left me. 10 minutes ago. 

​

I've tried to kill myself before. Now, I want to do it again. I feel worthless. People hate me.

​

I'm an idiot.",-0.7081928441479697,1.3208600000000068,0.8682838083687088,99.00023044269257,103.63917525773195,3.107095209217708,20.138872043662825,5.0885558068054335,-0.31324451182534885,368,14,79,2,17,117,62,97,0.284,0.614,0.103,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,5,0,4,0,7,2,1,0,0,8,15,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,1,13,2,6,15,3,11,0,2,0,1,4,2,2,2,8,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285715119700696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670951286572449,0.523831957806001,0.0,0.0,0.0659578463704087,0.0,0.17101357971189424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336662751578403,0.0,0.09048227209264144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859071341896824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556045837240061,0.08888874079445595,0.07426091462864798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359527877378128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661313832476222,0.0797087376617976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512411894199573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538934069674616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735594635134906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330091887928418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327153850734666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904730877091082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977389465911503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825746541266347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849119081306216,0.0,0.0,0.0885032989590658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482649588654638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058537527219633866,0.0,0.08422413383733274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508546220828259,0.0,0.06916025508800336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523831957806001,0.055522669963183766
suicidewatch,Secretdanshi,2019/01/11,"Trying to get counseling I am trying to get help but it hard to find one and whenever I bring it up with my mom she doesn't act like it really important. I know that since we move that finding a place that does counseling that my insurance support is hard. But when I brought it up again she said ""You act like you need help"" and ""How can you do counseling if you can't even look people in their eyes"". It feels like maybe I really don't need help. Maybe it just me going through teenage stuff. I mean why should I get therapy when there people in the world with bigger problems then me. I should stop being so selfish and quit acting like I actually need help. It my fault I am like this. I should just keep my feelings to myself. I'm so stupid. I am a piece of shit. Such a selfish person. I need yo stop being so selfish. Why am I so bad? It my fault I am like this. It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault It my fault IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT IT MY FAULT 
.....I'm so fucking disgusting. I should just die.....",-5.169833005781012,-11.1825207993311,-2.159794159224907,114.20738641979568,202.6454849498328,1.5577790803250242,5.399464423220586,4.239794915751526,-2.8476443310462134,1934,20,568,11,291,640,96,598,0.611,0.3720000000000001,0.017,-1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,4,1,1,15,154,4,0,4,0,17,3,2,1,0,31,38,15,1,10,6,1,4,6,0,4,0,1,0,1,151,6,0,3,6,0,0,7,3,147,0,1,2,7,168,7,12,30,1,20,0,0,2,1,15,7,2,1,12,376,319,0,0.0,0.0,0.11491247713714428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832100562265388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222117194471574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304871729550427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777764618577921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908153695340493,0.08412462269476312,0.0,0.0,0.2152529663834966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886315280418754,0.1845673192167896,0.0,0.06692321998632843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109717723896176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157163804623756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046665859891696,0.0,0.0,0.06471539705115711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34517662252164405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888504476177007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366026511113537,0.12827036738967498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379139331047706,0.0,0.12515556491280416,0.0,0.349257135177628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979424070083416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327380959378493,0.10281964607330422,0.12302953684257635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267620398468617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524757322889105,0.0,0.0,0.15087450268551322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201253939853516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087442908875927,0.09740864746613127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968979052436799,0.0,0.0,0.1348019868577141,0.0,0.13362765707176255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346637887429033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989664263732295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251222285280325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGameProphet101,2019/01/11,"I'm Just Ready To Die I just don't see the point anymore. People tell me it's going to be okay but it seems that the more I hear it the worst it gets. The bad keeps outweighing the good and every time I think I have it all together, it all falls apart in my hands. I consider suicide several times a day. I've attempted several times but this time might be the time it actually happens. I'm not happy, I'm not financially stable and the debt keeps building and I'm on the brink of being homeless, I have no family, my friends are always busy, I have nothing to live for. All my friends are about to graduate. I can't afford to go back to school. All my friends have people that love them and hold them. I'm all alone and cry myself to sleep every night. All my friends have everything that makes them happy. I'm struggling saving money for a new car after mines broke down on me, on a place to live, and even just food so I don't starve. At this point, it doesn't matter how much I fight. I will never see the light and I'll always just be on the side watching everyone succeed and be happy. So it's just time for me to go. There is nothing left for me.",1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,79.0,6.383471074380165,21.33057851239669,7.348242739294969,0.547588429752067,902,25,201,12,22,297,123,242,0.205,0.664,0.132,-0.9672,2,1,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,0,3,2,12,17,1,1,13,1,19,4,2,2,7,34,39,13,2,0,9,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,14,8,1,3,2,0,2,5,8,5,0,0,0,6,25,12,23,32,9,31,0,1,3,1,11,14,0,2,12,128,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.10170269508852736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793943712570496,0.0,0.0,0.17343708780130718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335722813301973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013796601530257,0.08701849881544248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447966071074465,0.06721262317163193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816285184023124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883565633997335,0.0,0.1756179787138331,0.0995857058822885,0.09366530317659,0.0,0.09824838332077036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260220097254572,0.0,0.32207731554829216,0.0,0.05445011791368104,0.0,0.17769015183152662,0.08741393955014952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216050379198244,0.3328291407866411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746236992015585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526924396746472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323423158405095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405454536188368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406170247891972,0.0,0.06956698141770078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055987294948827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661294518683677,0.0,0.08038010573175716,0.10065534464562473,0.0,0.09780245695194728,0.0,0.20000185283064725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450464289653242,0.0,0.10888665690715292,0.0,0.19704125378302065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547517628528726,0.16609807471495655,0.09487704928421896,0.0,0.2354755754280088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429425018962496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895231095169823,0.0,0.11399865360139433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109198607795106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677931708010966,0.0,0.0,0.364625567761952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sleepygary-and-jerry,2019/01/11,"I fucking hate the suicide hotline I was sexually assaulted 2 weeks ago and have been a complete and total mess. I texted the number and he basically said I didn't seem that suicidal and that I should contact a hotline specifically for sexual assaults and rapes. I waited in line for 45 minutes. Finally got connected and 5 minutes in it drops. I call back and the wait time is 3 hours. Fuck that. In good news they pissed me off so bad I didn't even want to die in fucking spite. 

Also I fucking hate my therapist. I called and got an appointment with her a couple days after my assault and she tried to victim blame me and said I might want to drink less? I wasn't even that fucking drunk. 

I'm so mad
But I'm also so fucking empty
I just keep laying down in burning showers and choking myself",2.201014150943397,4.519382477987428,3.8705306603773586,85.01258844339625,79.56603773584905,6.490723270440253,26.289701257861644,7.6454224807358475,1.6359210691823898,630,26,121,10,16,210,100,159,0.3670000000000001,0.5920000000000001,0.042,-0.996,1,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,9,19,16,0,7,0,9,10,1,0,1,24,29,17,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,5,12,2,3,1,2,0,0,3,18,0,0,9,2,21,1,14,18,2,16,0,0,0,7,9,7,7,2,8,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538158489497758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013954100148492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914128025945862,0.09926137697049016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427833161846217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464535528958215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315405030979264,0.0,0.07666895679233322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233805886893922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645895176510128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157040678154302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302292530454255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594261143034592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971245337805372,0.1901613470300388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347424244570571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707467287009825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566764835541316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611485346264245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261677212971486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822556908069024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26007489173665743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138030987773547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932096130398732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071297084802262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023918756450707,0.0,0.09535984722784026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aubaub,2019/01/11,"Ready Too stupid. Have been here before and it’s so god damn dumb. Always justified it wa easier to let them off easy rather than see me fucking go down slowly 
Don’t know why I’m feeling the same now. 
I’m smarter than this and just keep feeling the seductiveness. 
Like . Fuck them All.  I can let them all off. They may hurt, but it will not be as long if I still stay around  I’ll be better and so will you much quicker. ",-0.7852110389610374,1.3411205113636375,0.6727922077922095,101.43454545454549,99.5681818181818,3.8779220779220784,14.24025974025974,5.773587663045528,-0.9939149350649352,327,7,77,3,14,103,68,88,0.113,0.685,0.202,0.6704,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,4,1,9,8,5,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,2,17,21,8,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,3,8,2,8,13,4,9,0,1,1,2,5,4,4,2,4,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108643244947554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443637079339888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541445373585192,0.0,0.0,0.20310595017897148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322349513805265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246137502995746,0.0,0.0,0.13051486517036315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458440912514776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412265520113007,0.0,0.0,0.12620912924249258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696634896697811,0.0,0.11219494110209932,0.0,0.0,0.20323221031911995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881849852058595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300058503270294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447753648877889,0.1833980529793892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722257624748108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Loom941,2019/01/11,"So close to jumping off of the Skyway It’s been on my mind 24/7. It’s all I can think about at this point. The only thing stopping me right now is I don’t want to be stopped by someone or authorities because I know how easy it is to be stopped on that bridge. I just don’t see a point in this life anymore I have already pushed everyone I care about in away from me, lost my job, and I know I’m a reject to society at this point. I don’t enjoy anything in life anymore I’m just ready to be done with this bullshit.",1.603706981317604,2.7603869911504475,3.195162241887907,94.51765978367752,77.31858407079645,6.084169124877089,24.944936086529,6.42735559955562,0.5379172074729599,402,14,97,3,9,133,70,113,0.132,0.752,0.116,-0.2023,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,0,12,2,0,1,1,16,21,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,1,12,2,20,15,1,20,0,2,1,0,0,14,0,1,4,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873969821218051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368251261439641,0.0,0.0,0.13974469783100527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595484059922249,0.0,0.0,0.10351870121429547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731394718999808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737814718650335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226716095156926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851689940102374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866536652486923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398931541444755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537501882033366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146648598472314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915327388804218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815950927661434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502255785949986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532194597975494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438851625685453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425923165523545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281868836586847,0.10881170241121167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016230598124896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turquoisejeep32,2019/01/11,hotline text does the suicide hotline help anyone? I am currently in a text conversation with them and it just seems like they couldn't care less about the things I am saying,7.08727272727273,7.707204545454545,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,64.15151515151516,9.024242424242424,31.65151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.4453151515151514,142,5,26,2,2,43,28,33,0.191,0.67,0.139,-0.4456,1,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835442277475765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134476891922647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35486729604852063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718069210207362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981132450556644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224803382372936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691639477626408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435655758754341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940492246341274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GenJuanitoPequeno,2019/01/11,"I was raped and am suicidal and no psychiatrist will see me for 4 months. I am diagnosed with PTSD from a childhood incident. After I graduated from university, I couldn’t see my psychiatrist anymore and had to find an outside doctor. My town is well-known for having a shortage of psychiatrists, so against my wishes my meds lapsed and I’ve fallen off of them for the past two years. It’s been hard, but mostly manageable through things like deep breathing, meditation, and marijuana. 

I was raped on New Years Eve and have been increasingly suicidal since - I ended up throwing out a bunch of old ropes and such in a moment of clarity because I know that’s how I’d do it. 

I broke down today in a fit of tears and tried to find a psychiatrist via the ER doctor who processed my rape - she said no one is available until the end of April. Not in the hospital, not in the outpatient centers, no private clinics - nada. 

I feel I can’t even trust myself to not step into traffic tomorrow, let alone for the next 4 months. They said my only option is to be committed for three days in our local psych ward - I was there two years ago and it was horrible. I wasn’t allowed to shower or brush my teeth or change my clothes. I was injected with Valium multiple times a day for no reason (I was never violent or even self-harmed, I just cried a lot). I was treated like a sack of flesh they had to deal with. 

I really don’t want to go there again but I’m afraid it might be my only option. I need medical care and no one seems to be willing to do it unless I waltz into the ER with a knife to my neck. ",4.939,5.2814099000000025,6.174375000000001,79.293125,68.75,9.65,29.4375,9.642632912329526,2.519668750000001,1248,43,254,26,20,421,183,320,0.165,0.74,0.095,-0.9712,2,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,3,0,9,11,4,1,18,0,31,12,4,3,2,46,44,19,2,4,10,0,2,2,0,3,5,2,1,0,8,17,0,0,6,0,0,5,13,6,2,5,14,7,36,5,46,22,4,47,0,1,2,3,9,17,0,9,27,180,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520119963826884,0.0,0.0,0.12291498259348894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769703673816904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723452226939799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100049077888185,0.0,0.12554596169868376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036259849291662,0.1530754398428574,0.1223521711962272,0.0,0.12045603053128165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242944647054458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022759100428154,0.0,0.0,0.15677186626396264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000734135958894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169397299178758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674476431753453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063124938333213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522251931614964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135665704586775,0.0,0.11596049758248728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008960920742204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318248964968158,0.11955595544455175,0.0,0.12589897836226968,0.0,0.0,0.189455858836952,0.0,0.0,0.08799849527083536,0.09153206242289087,0.11462029323582865,0.12621577520698138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245329680350979,0.0,0.16083904735417506,0.18052047120924805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329191704648625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872864421158454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602839211464292,0.12202111313691212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257805822869878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891425646274656,0.10804031567915404,0.12380740537305125,0.0,0.0,0.0981719603125909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259629712665227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884462457634034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692023022478289,0.0,0.11249320231822647,0.0,0.0,0.08057481170019187,0.0,0.2318630132459255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999956767961588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067060923950064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647424944332814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292749056817819
suicidewatch,mandyy_505,2019/01/11,"Searching for ways to kill myself Well, here I am again, after two years suffering, I started to get better but at the end of 2018 I started to feel bad again, bad enough to stop playing video games, play with my hamster or hang out with my friends, the things that I ever loved...

I tried suicide before with meds and alcohol and I don't wanna try this again, but I need more effective methods besides falling from a high place, just in case that I decide this again...

Someone can help me with that? (Unfortunately I don't have a fire arm at my house, so don't even suggest this)",4.411052631578947,5.487566728070178,4.665745614035089,86.99230263157897,70.31578947368422,7.1035087719298255,28.285087719298247,7.1686216300943375,1.3679508771929818,453,16,92,4,8,142,80,114,0.189,0.634,0.17600000000000002,-0.5728,0,0,2,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,0,4,0,6,3,1,1,1,18,12,6,2,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,1,1,3,4,0,2,3,4,1,1,0,2,14,6,17,12,2,20,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,11,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495153473669436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202519515297286,0.0,0.0,0.16318829691045,0.0,0.0,0.16961137453469838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985770249224486,0.19815714295318368,0.0,0.12666705113162727,0.17347348318164527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969683292979374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816661148475865,0.0,0.10019568689563307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854423418051608,0.2026231718529867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212851738868297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121730898474752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308643675278496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302126845729852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220038538304278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036638671520854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624922238824714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714818196690702,0.0,0.0,0.16033435075005806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977316194018975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740826948949815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604082999526185,0.0,0.18733848651711815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522238379705864,0.0,0.0,0.17243076048730302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349824788203136
suicidewatch,Asdfghjkl_qwertyu,2019/01/11,"I have burnt every bridge I’ve built There has been no relationship, friendship, whatever, that I haven’t fucked up. I’m so sick of being destructive. I’ve come to grips with the fact that my ptsd influences some of my subconscious behavior. It slowly eats away at my stability and makes me do things I don’t mean to do. I’m too impulsive. Too crazy. Too troubled.

I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined my most recent relationship. And it was actually truly all my fault. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing between me and a knife across my arms is the fact that my dad (maybe my mom too) would absolutely go insane. Like truly never be able to go on the same way. 

Idk I’m so on the verge. A lot of my reasons for caring about my own death have gone away. I just keep repeating to myself that my parents would be sad. My cats would miss me. But it’s getting harder and harder to believe that. I’m so close to just ending it.",0.6728032036613278,3.0538514473684266,2.7233180778032064,90.25127002288332,87.15789473684212,5.830663615560641,18.78718535469108,7.255503002510835,0.4431647597254007,725,20,154,12,23,243,110,190,0.202,0.728,0.07,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,11,10,2,0,7,0,18,4,1,3,4,27,34,8,1,3,3,3,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,7,1,1,3,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,3,1,21,2,21,25,6,18,0,4,0,1,5,9,1,3,5,103,34,0,0.1624400195160149,0.0,0.15851802679310856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109685042456326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052354910675067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301427586775232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561842595636714,0.0,0.0,0.13992769339074546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621669316021265,0.0,0.0,0.1438736425389968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686272242283634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017318051895345,0.08486820573255856,0.0,0.18463681304534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443841530138884,0.0,0.0,0.08927278655248838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793599883732064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810069568244684,0.0,0.0,0.10842997439436347,0.0,0.16319283302642654,0.1769448021764548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902477876005894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528375716030474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235429546695498,0.0,0.0,0.1803704181922844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988369007006964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701539440950966,0.1603899223620928,0.3487995789598902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583586204318464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893732653127252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461781876969962,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kuma1112,2019/01/11,"I'm getting worn out guys :-( Turns out that it's beyond exhausting helping people in several different platforms,  2 servers in discord which holds a lot depressed people, Instagram, 2 different aminos and reddit but I'm not aloud to stop though ",5.742441860465117,8.65829434883721,5.616453488372091,73.9423546511628,70.62790697674419,8.951162790697676,36.33139534883721,9.516144504307137,4.284958139534885,199,11,29,5,4,62,36,43,0.207,0.7040000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.4885,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337264917786132,0.0,0.0,0.5670378572043573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417771426880406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26869426101135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818904066211879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307050310311499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762609918954535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065654909134457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687349953260375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666149798595477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951674669878061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gringo616,2019/01/11,"I have no one to talk to so here I am on reddit There's only one person who truly love me, my mother, but I can't love her because I don't have that ability, to love another person. So I don't care about what people would feel like if I died. I'll say it honestly. I don't give a fucking shit what people would feel if I was gone, they don't give a shit about me. So then I think, oh wait, maybe I shouldn't kill myself because I have something to offer the world. But really, I don't. I have nothing to offer anyone, and no one has anything else to offer me, except everything I have always seen. I want freedom. But I can't have freedom without pain. And the easiest and painless way to have freedom is to kill myself. That makes sense right? ",1.5171428571428578,3.2076798089171987,3.514781619654233,89.83721337579621,78.93630573248406,6.014376706096451,21.405368516833484,6.868970318607317,0.4786272975432211,578,16,124,6,14,196,84,157,0.081,0.5529999999999999,0.3670000000000001,0.996,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,0,7,12,5,0,4,0,21,7,2,1,0,19,36,12,3,6,7,1,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,2,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,11,6,0,3,3,4,24,6,13,30,0,6,0,0,1,4,16,3,3,2,2,87,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611234914844848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632475994260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757288205597632,0.0,0.1148333783962818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013027860289046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142275097378411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448253424567727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657167084189912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541375692371987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411159620989756,0.09969074443866066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290068043974088,0.0,0.2677279373945633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30877101752825314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817448003474054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778335549167641,0.0,0.09314715483264496,0.0,0.14019138315208085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389688019215976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836772517689649,0.1061300142452602,0.14848537392783684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348541609273467,0.2436900572418353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939589271089729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917039087104248,0.0,0.11097152729277432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864812092692249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742830914445647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121607247350775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941459383339809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230706540078096,0.11076406856313033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451608803019638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825706823968875,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fc_2117,2019/01/11,"A young student in need of help As of a few months ago my depression began to really take me over. I had always had depressing thoughts but they never really took control of me. But now I seem to find myself in a slump 24/7. I’ve been close to committing suicide whether that be by slitting my wrist, slitting my throat, or shooting myself in the head. I feel worthless, like no one even cares about me. I have already told my friends about this and they are trying to help me but no matter what I fall back into the same hole I started in. I’m starting to get desperate and I’m looking for anyone to help me. So if you truly want to help please respond because I don’t think I can fight the urge to end it all much longer",3.4053132678132663,4.605784777027028,4.247813267813267,88.57187960687962,72.85135135135134,7.003439803439803,26.96805896805897,7.348242739294969,1.2825054054054057,569,20,119,6,11,183,101,148,0.15,0.648,0.202,0.7873,0,0,0,1,1,1,11.0,0,1,2,1,6,7,1,0,6,0,8,3,3,1,3,23,25,10,1,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,7,2,22,3,22,17,4,19,0,3,1,0,11,7,0,3,11,82,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774171203753186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839230122316524,0.0,0.13868167775593465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653860322561167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815791270298846,0.0,0.1015996689704762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992980808700373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693307578030569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710294752436216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761896403888616,0.0,0.0,0.11008307890403238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427268299002598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233213697768325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876779428669607,0.0,0.08707749653786387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105013041146194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468579617993157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142588915558617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399596989233334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303333534387846,0.0,0.12252064320298052,0.12358270050858335,0.12854514639740725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293899832082994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295214045600106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354442445715388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172888961721614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359378726247024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823084640520565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531409113242606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679454838027268,0.0,0.13231630000804034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925904830789867,0.18517501524800725,0.11315708060954192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830549467528596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alladeltaxd,2019/01/11,"My best friend former romantic partner needs help. I dont know what to do I dont know if I can do this anymore. She wants to  keep fasting. She wants to keep bingeing and purging. She wants to stay in the damn hole. I am losing my patience. She hasn't had anyone there to tell her how fucked her mind is before. That she needs help. I am supportive most times. But this time she did something really close to beginning the path of dying. She binged and purged today and then went on to work out intensively and then fainted. I got mad. All of the time I fucking comfort her and tell her its alright. This time she did too much. She says she does this because she hates herself. It never has been because of the look. She just hates everything about her. She was abused by her mother and almost raped several times in childhood. Currently we are in a love triangle with her exboyfriend, and I dont know if it plays any damn role, but I have to say it for insight. She hates herself for no reason. This no reason is just instictive. Her mother was too much of a snob. And she made my bff be her rock. When she was a fucking child when she couldnt deal with her grandpas death herself. This and other several events just make her instinctively hate herself. And no matter how much do I try talk her out of it, it is to no avail. She fasts everyday. Her mother thinks everything is fine cause my bff knows how to hide her ed too damn good. She constantly says she wants to die. And everytime I lose patience like this and just beg her to realize this hurts us. Her loved ones. She just never listens. She always says I am just a crying child that nags her and that think is the center of attention and knows whats best and is full of himself. I cant deal with this, thats why. She says she does this cause is this closest thing she feels to feeling dead all the time. Please just tell me how to act with her. There is no way therapy can be possible right now. I dont know what to do. ",1.8642964824120585,4.094970241206035,2.6698969849246232,93.6427851758794,80.25628140703517,5.9900502512562825,21.507788944723615,7.1686216300943375,0.5240922613065333,1548,46,333,20,40,485,181,398,0.175,0.7040000000000001,0.121,-0.9794,1,0,1,0,1,0,42.0,2,0,0,5,20,29,14,0,10,1,36,7,0,10,4,74,71,27,4,9,11,4,2,1,3,0,1,6,0,3,26,23,0,2,15,2,0,2,14,17,0,1,10,9,69,12,36,58,9,38,0,3,1,6,76,11,6,4,24,234,95,1,0.0,0.08689760437238267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344085028076378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061025946916841274,0.0,0.0,0.04987468893547136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273499339130368,0.05128203472361485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894165127749992,0.0,0.06240815701879188,0.0,0.15393461674273534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068370755834573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925603327383432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805621195115483,0.0,0.15122359253898213,0.0,0.0,0.1522336551761767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283631632553387,0.0,0.34382244965604153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182910050133684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416726364877049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566634086484606,0.20340891700509006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061515313736018484,0.0586578432618897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896379218126373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831843217286848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851352013962899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037846969195482,0.0,0.0,0.24183919882254054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03583091919330895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158833160371775,0.1641006054196204,0.0,0.0,0.13238701214730636,0.06939743654525239,0.048955975552646414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405393931091912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617431744980972,0.10876348545983704,0.11313086786087817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049698052604308464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805068686249913,0.0,0.08268144514332845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046984399533456116,0.15081441476486385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263318243658705,0.0,0.2916202532941407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657098853360015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646181770755448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817220842271086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832269882163754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058949065142816025,0.1923109334023581,0.0,0.08387231958171046,0.0,0.048724788715433766,0.09398845681593528,0.0,0.0,0.2565958737528605,0.0,0.06951910221312574,0.0,0.0,0.04979401826026096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882207127408072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730347078796023,0.058215015181417334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798824250019347,0.06617923510290845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339343619229138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StaySharpp,2019/01/11,"Am I wasting my time? Why can’t I think of any other scenario in which I  stay alive? No matter how happy I might be in the moment it all comes back to me just wanting to die. I feel like I am destined to do this. That no matter what I do now, it’s pointless and I’m going to end up dead. I feel so empty inside and conflicted. I spend so much of my time worrying about keeping my grades up or getting accepted to programs out of school. But the end all is just the same. I’m going to kill myself. I know I will. I know it will destroy my family and those people who are close to me. But when my classmates are talking about the future and about how excited they are to graduate and start their lives, I feel scared and alone. I’m stuck.",1.3812362637362623,3.0656895961538453,3.2031501831501856,91.94423076923078,79.3205128205128,5.995604395604397,21.399267399267398,6.868970318607317,0.4004575091575093,571,16,127,6,14,191,93,156,0.208,0.701,0.091,-0.9672,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,0,12,7,2,1,4,0,13,0,0,2,2,32,30,14,3,1,5,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,2,7,0,1,3,3,3,0,0,1,3,23,4,19,25,4,20,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,11,93,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952329528768668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818895998751575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494768695609256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623792208562831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563704905889812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339166023697609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770448412431472,0.0,0.28593935907720525,0.1346670598502857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984853876197393,0.0,0.2142619599964936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066566242936265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755072353633296,0.20855138223536732,0.0,0.20719337498950116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920933717046266,0.0,0.16645219457445404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997260538316755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857188730751402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068471027994966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887250588740516,0.19077577824871594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342386818342095,0.20091983151212647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151210993357314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078554059409308,0.0,0.0,0.2198360123176189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118434880630593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009524273098012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914346275506191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoeApple2,2019/01/11,"Taking it off my chest When I was 6, my mother tried to kill herself. 
One night she just randomly vanished and I was too little to underestand properly what happened, my father told me she won't be coming back.
For days I slept in her bed crying for my mother, then one night someone knocked on the door, she survived. 
I never found out what happened that night.


When I was 14, my mother tried to kill herself.
She left an envelope with little notes saying goodbye and that she loves us, we looked for her everywhere with no luck. This time I underestood what is happening. I was so desperate I was roaming the streets in winter snow in house slippers, just looking for my mom.
Few days pass and she shows up home, this time I asked.
A good soul has found her in a building with her wrists slit and called an ambulance.


When I was 21, my mother vanished.
I woke up and there it was, the envelope. Will never forget the dreadful feeling and panic.
This time she said she wants to leave us and the country, and so she did.
But my mother is medically sick and there are not many years left.

She is the only thing in my life keeping me alive, and I have not seen my mother in some good time.
I have experienced the loss of her so many times that it haunts me, how will I deal with it again once its her time? I cant.

This is one of the main reasons that when she goes, I will follow this time.",3.892906137184117,5.030434924187726,4.3804530685920575,88.32526444043323,71.59927797833934,7.272851985559567,25.402346570397114,7.554174236665415,1.0975792057761726,1082,32,227,12,20,342,142,277,0.102,0.816,0.08199999999999999,-0.7795,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,3,0,0,2,15,9,2,2,12,0,22,7,3,2,2,35,42,20,2,1,5,8,1,0,0,4,3,2,3,0,18,17,0,1,4,1,0,3,7,5,0,3,15,7,51,4,25,22,3,42,1,1,3,1,37,16,0,3,23,166,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422893363281304,0.0,0.0,0.07750448758871152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029221070894704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868252441402029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107176521178682,0.13000778975138366,0.1039143533726493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096455595375489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210311884126975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908271896122856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739582912365745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011047609955515,0.0,0.0,0.11630292805850788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959048085213697,0.2230276088636854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672646218885863,0.21902630008721533,0.0,0.07119389622999131,0.0,0.20204445631560616,0.0,0.0,0.16928341792305654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090970664902556,0.0,0.0,0.20437891647183076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153951237976032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180489022957562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547734031274746,0.0,0.0,0.2837654742646043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734249111273043,0.20490219469923132,0.07665850083751273,0.0,0.1182602297515698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363318399227632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958783280389226,0.08015556182112854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540256489996505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578466452846107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696316133711845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411417197894602,0.0,0.0,0.09631313956849202,0.0,0.13686523702991873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424859286733866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945100720874319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490813454190716
suicidewatch,Atton2,2019/01/11,"Suicidal Thoughts I don’t think I will ever feel the intent to act on any thoughts I have. But I often find myself thinking “I could just end it all. I could go home and get the gun right now.” I almost always immediately dismiss it as ridiculous. But I often find myself searching online on ways to kill myself in a way that looks like an accident so my family get the life insurance money or ways that’s as painless as possible. Again I don’t think I’ll ever act on them, but I don’t think this is a normal thing.",3.235188679245283,4.487132471698119,4.9397641509434,83.24662735849058,73.33962264150944,7.564150943396226,24.57075471698113,8.07648339933343,1.3743622641509434,406,12,82,6,8,138,68,106,0.115,0.85,0.035,-0.775,0,0,0,1,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,2,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,3,25,19,9,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,9,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,2,2,15,1,9,14,1,16,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,6,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630927664791298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355225391812097,0.0,0.0,0.11075853512963267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26008005451305555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442562360188452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946540706213206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354121251543826,0.0,0.08235296952868544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977240877983543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018778006309931,0.0,0.09256390263844393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337388103659573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019372025406066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504129992179205,0.07957102504105336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677144730329074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957996460765678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361369147233148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390917855379273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815551673698798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082049099013854,0.4174471668182786,0.0,0.25860432671878303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878406026182171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Devon7622,2019/01/11,I can feel myself slipping again and I’m so close to trying one more time I’ve previously tried to commit suicide last summer and it didn’t work went to a therapist and basically got told to breath and think for 3 months blah blah blah and now I’m back at this point again where about ready just send it. ,3.1866666666666674,4.7170863968253975,3.7462222222222223,90.64600000000004,73.92063492063492,6.9447619047619025,20.536507936507935,7.554174236665415,0.3796565079365077,245,5,54,3,5,77,48,63,0.13699999999999998,0.789,0.07400000000000001,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,10,9,6,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,2,0,7,5,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,8,29,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259400576916914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857119981914385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350057349693447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951376741100805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23453533869714105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910938979934814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27776791988255456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32140648998448296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411636932203996,0.0,0.18827683685920615,0.0,0.0,0.17133685382920294,0.0,0.0,0.28077079131276633,0.0,0.39898772977670544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723868797339971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139145085659941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SelfStrangleLove,2019/01/11,"It's Almost Time Since I was 14, I've had recurring thoughts of harming myself. It started when my best friend lost his life in front of me and a group of other friends. I've always felt like I could have done more to prevent the occurrence, and I've always blamed myself for it. I watched as his skull continued to bleed out and was too much of a pussy to react. This left me mentally scarred. I would cut myself just to try and emulate any type of pain in hopes the guilt would disappear. Antidepressants were prescribed, therapy visits were frequent, but nothing helped. 

​

I grew up really poor and without a father. My mother did all she could but she was still fairly young and to be frank, a very unfit mother. I was neglected. Things became worse when she found another man and began having babies with him. When my siblings were born, I was pretty much shunned and distanced from the rest of them. My step father would consistently abuse me physically and my mom would turn the other way. I , again, felt like this was all my fault. How could I possibly be loved the same when I was the only one that was different?

​

Basketball was my entire life throughout all of this. I would try and leave when the sun came up and wouldn't return home until midnight. Anywhere a basketball court was available, I'd be there. In high school I managed to make the team and was one of the focal points of the team. However, a freak basketball court accident left me with a blown out knee and any dream of a basketball career was destroyed along with it. This left me without my main therapy...

​

I actually attempted suicide once. I stole a gun from a friend's house and took it back home with me. That night, I pointed the gun in my mouth and after about 45 minutes of trying to convince myself to NOT do it, I decided to pull the trigger. Nothing happened. My ignorance shined brightly. I failed to check if the gun was even loaded, which unfortunately, was not...

​

At the ripe age of 21 I became engaged to my then, girlfriend. I was under the impression that everything was perfectly fine. We were together for roughly 3 years before I found out she was cheating on me. She eventually moved out and married the guy she cheated on me with. This set the tone for how skewed and heartless I would be in my future relationships. I would constantly cheat and began developing an addiction to sex. Yes, a sexual addiction that would be so mentally draining, that women became mere sexual objects to me. I would eventually seek therapy for this but not before it managed to hurt those I grew to love along the way.

​

Fast forward to now. People see me as a successful person. I have a great career as a Registered Nurse. I have my own car, own place, a wonderful dog, and enough financial flexibility to do whatever I want. But something stops me from enjoying anything. I purposely limit my happiness because I still feel guilty about everything. I feel guilty about my friend, about those I've hurt. I constantly feel like killing myself.  I end to refrain from speaking to anyone about this but I think I finally decided a specific date that I will follow through with this. The last straw was today...I will end it all soon enough. I've managed to not change fast enough to win back the girl I hurt in the process. The girl I love, who was so perfect for me, just told me she is moving on. On one end, I understand because of the pain I made her suffer. However, right when I was making strides in my progress, she decides to leave me behind.

​

I hope all you others out there  will fare better than me. The pain is just becoming too much or me now.",4.502707055408305,6.53566926187051,4.921234380916323,81.4968206487442,71.48920863309353,8.27287643569355,28.88362993815474,8.941205832701803,2.4633213429256595,2927,116,533,59,57,928,321,695,0.16399999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.153,-0.8633,3,0,1,3,1,3,108.0,1,1,1,13,31,48,7,1,41,1,56,15,3,7,7,102,87,41,2,17,16,5,6,3,5,13,8,1,2,6,30,34,0,6,14,3,2,14,7,22,0,3,39,11,93,26,87,27,18,87,0,7,4,4,43,29,0,6,46,385,123,11,0.0,0.058087762926502126,0.04784227897306214,0.1068910972936936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490924316158196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158707624849984,0.3187177369471313,0.3574315506403521,0.0666786875850272,0.0514080088553633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03428010124017543,0.0,0.0403441996816041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539589630541411,0.0,0.059771557953782126,0.05414533699543801,0.08343498663214305,0.0,0.051449735514088484,0.043359490339946516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607265409245275,0.0,0.0,0.051862980346873866,0.0,0.0,0.10595932314950234,0.0,0.11742975393505267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051221708644609586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017059330840977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302673850250175,0.15197081120132527,0.0,0.032381193743629084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812276922986602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436701722998887,0.03502416593685548,0.09414524752658784,0.053705558629956816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750890097009952,0.1515093849572387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405130989863996,0.0,0.048543422549799715,0.04335350728784526,0.05218906142725973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03286107724494435,0.051798633710214835,0.0983540993968786,0.09738770932868213,0.0,0.05656939215215495,0.15744995885681867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423997691709153,0.0,0.0,0.0399627125794602,0.0,0.10382285628331653,0.15980059403624208,0.0,0.0692569912366809,0.07185484414347322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351764246764383,0.0,0.13274356810585514,0.0463895624150112,0.06545043726525426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881330240954864,0.0,0.0,0.05741862873599034,0.0,0.10421370421670413,0.10811919664624604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046007555902752004,0.0,0.09408348942891023,0.0,0.0,0.052211062745475316,0.09966380725124056,0.037286462757773434,0.15650128018186746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03398843773186549,0.04280758986232382,0.051221708644609586,0.0,0.09269078488513544,0.055269419894763486,0.0,0.04987704116296211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03140729460904265,0.0,0.0,0.052635549091414616,0.0,0.04186791429966169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961690350664915,0.039067354215561415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055479267844394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377425903174628,0.0,0.0,0.034700837044994375,0.0,0.07830441303681844,0.04098790987090625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362645880135206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819642328965964,0.0,0.03257067897311952,0.031413864840024085,0.0,0.03892114745205917,0.028587439953277317,0.0,0.0464708913138084,0.04684641954082508,0.05446966150404022,0.09985625548887547,0.053326182029387964,0.0,0.05103776838744572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045156332963321,0.028916789944790768,0.0778290730807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451857973124296,0.053166577973745216,0.0,0.0,0.049961656362054144,0.3134398105738113,0.0,0.3574315506403521,0.031571120160610415
suicidewatch,InterneuronalMeadows,2019/01/11,"Dear messiahs who sort by new and are active at the moment May I ask you for a chat? I don't talk to people irl about the shit that's happening within me. And my capacity for holding shit in is limited. At the moment I feel like I'm going to burst open.

It's 2 in the morning where I live and I'm laying on my bed drunk with no tomorrow to look forward to",0.7872875226039753,2.268659518987341,3.7481374321880665,88.2913924050633,80.39240506329114,7.0459312839059685,21.4122965641953,7.957251820313856,0.9009587703435802,278,8,64,5,7,100,58,79,0.079,0.7290000000000001,0.192,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,5,0,4,3,2,0,0,10,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,2,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,2,15,10,0,14,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,2,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852281783796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426819445144846,0.21796416109591327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733958861852391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697997395169133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905690024278395,0.0,0.2694097056349867,0.0,0.256207934561979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946683736416077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115185649400755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6263634282170508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452285657254067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,intalent,2019/01/11,"Another setback Just found out I got kicked out of medical school for good after 12yrs of post graduate education and over $400k in debt.  I'm in my early thirties and loving with my parents. My fiancee it's finishing up residency but started at the same time I did. It felt like every step of the way was painful and arduous. I had severe panic disorder one year in and have been dealing with that along with studies. I had one test left (that I failed twice before) and had one last attempt, but took too long to take it. Everyone around me is disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself. I used to be so healthy and fit. After anxiety/depression meds I gained 40 lbs and can't stand myself. I know I'm still young but I'm tired. I keep praying but I don't think I'm being heard. I've read other posts and I want you all to know I have love for all of you out there. I feel your pain. I wish it would stop for a while.",2.0716806722689083,3.937338645502649,3.730009337068161,88.1220168067227,77.8888888888889,7.198381574852164,23.816059757236232,8.124751697461798,1.2800610644257695,720,24,155,13,17,240,123,189,0.189,0.6559999999999999,0.155,-0.8544,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,3,6,10,0,1,3,0,14,6,0,1,2,36,36,14,0,3,5,1,2,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,7,16,0,2,6,1,1,2,2,6,0,4,11,3,23,4,27,22,3,32,1,3,0,2,9,13,0,0,14,99,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149239042938983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266984660824272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211071760009316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672971540881286,0.12258338651298875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631155463671097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991404368636994,0.13599660778655925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196325193126996,0.0,0.13665328565488485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605083571064685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937455427721165,0.11382944293025138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650404233985954,0.0,0.0,0.15643501221005768,0.11601299313856005,0.0,0.0,0.15463535900374048,0.0,0.0,0.0695322798222127,0.0,0.0,0.12595219336971888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256905794791113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580897940564739,0.14337637939970382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289327121221087,0.0,0.3028853777599781,0.16698645848664692,0.1580338738258906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726139529414496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236243808663998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403940860190814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607855223351525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073760538648603,0.0,0.11366006892420635,0.11898917264843975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070098778244454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119542320594383,0.0,0.0,0.08299022416344083,0.16358041303701149,0.0,0.0,0.15812711546452446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292217328882063,0.0,0.0,0.08394633739598634,0.11297010561215412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636654877937168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110283157677788,0.0,0.0,0.09165194027524706
suicidewatch,ironlord2008,2019/01/11,I'm about done Before I begin let me start with the fact I have gun right in front of me and am 1 step from pulling the trigger. I'm done with living in a society where no cares if you succeed at all. Theres no way for anyone to get ahead in this country. You're just supposed to either work until you die or hand over most of what you make to a union just to get screwed in the end by them. I've tried so many different ways just to be able to afford a house(and not even a nice one at that) and I still can't even make enough for that. I can't get into college(not that theres anything there that I can do that'll even pay a livable wage). I've been trying for the last 2 months to get a cdl license just I can make some kind of a living and apparently I can't even do that right. Theres no hope for any us in this country. If anyone says otherwise they must have been born into money. Read this or dont I dont really care. I leave this rant in case anyone I know wants to find out what happened. Good bye reddit it's been fun.,2.8801032448377626,3.1791555353982304,4.017858407079647,93.09189085545721,73.2920353982301,6.911622418879055,22.588790560471978,6.42735559955562,0.2264033038348084,805,17,195,5,15,263,129,226,0.101,0.797,0.101,0.247,4,0,0,1,0,1,16.0,1,3,2,3,16,9,1,0,11,0,21,2,1,4,3,31,38,9,1,5,10,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,0,2,1,3,3,9,1,0,1,5,2,18,8,34,29,5,29,0,0,0,1,8,15,1,7,10,128,31,5,0.12305447488219012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368126263763517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581276499900391,0.0,0.10126334790727373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047102947344115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509244765864656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277111171316465,0.12856573544199448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518549028112403,0.2884378562000388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089897402424205,0.12714816708788187,0.0,0.3251052804211753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246956072254376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571635369591681,0.0,0.0,0.10321225525116433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881666574467658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222085912562428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814229945702427,0.06762752124271479,0.10030582089096383,0.0,0.13029692123671271,0.0,0.12583153776278833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21731871156692698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464194525525576,0.12475792336698835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822090784279378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338489685501317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308777517070345,0.0,0.07883184759944342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101756983823252,0.0,0.09785785747128713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870985906795205,0.0,0.09827146259686233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709182187426586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801938198540635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258071751702362,0.1953498288942888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958512328595687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXCowboy_RobXx,2019/01/11,"Physically/Emotionally exhausted I’ve 51M tried so many things to change my outlook. Nothing changes. Still so lonely and in pain. Everyday is like Groundhog Day without the comedy. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed and start all over. Only reason I haven’t killed myself is I don’t want to hurt my family. ",2.802185792349725,5.193939737704921,4.430737704918034,81.4043579234973,77.85245901639344,8.001092896174864,24.92076502732241,8.841846274778883,2.1222437158469942,248,9,47,6,6,83,50,61,0.277,0.6679999999999999,0.055,-0.9455,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,7,10,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,10,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559446749629976,0.185635725055536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389808376144313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424105273325154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031559246440411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259079974491942,0.0,0.2449492865283095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616588354959068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306991417056011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384208204007935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528329757369836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848500813915747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067797961095905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638988352473043,0.22930911685164296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215717495611643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253328830703794,0.0,0.17210002159272614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316982497341435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631158116826107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710854933682594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077360519261182,0.0,0.15688788224459047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsemilylmao,2019/01/11,"I’m done Today has been the final straw, and I can’t force myself to wake up another day to go through it all. I’ve given life so many chances and it has repeatedly let me down. Goodbye. Nothing can change my mind.",1.779,3.5206592888888903,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,78.33333333333333,6.277777777777778,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9066666666666668,168,6,37,2,4,56,39,45,0.0,0.951,0.049,0.2682,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,1,4,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,5,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32182966668657303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246779256782158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793633983919895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140830715179237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33621302240520445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744282379278247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138438476536683,0.21678484444054247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111660827716287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098990933987074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944955340402857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290921819287514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MynameisHeyHi,2019/01/11,"I just tried to kill myself, now what? I just tried to hang myself today, in my closet with a belt on the clothing rod. Right as I felt when I was falling asleep, I stood up.

I don't know what to do. I reached out to friends but how do I tell my mom? 

My mom and I had an argument today which led her to say that she doesn't need me and she would be better off without me. This resulted in me obviously attempting. 

I don't know what to do, this is my first time ever trying anything and I am so scared and shaken up about it. ",0.8789473684210519,2.338031982456144,2.9331929824561414,94.33768421052632,80.05263157894737,5.963508771929827,20.171929824561406,6.742157984588678,0.06537824561403482,402,10,97,4,10,136,73,114,0.13,0.807,0.063,-0.8233,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,3,8,4,1,1,3,0,12,1,1,3,2,20,17,9,1,2,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,4,2,23,2,17,11,0,18,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,7,76,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253813053600502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468609010634026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866375175168595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896455085561957,0.0,0.0,0.16800627686975222,0.0,0.0,0.15259970692167638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852123769950546,0.0,0.21709831054845607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626546887206828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645497333138333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686768500407667,0.0,0.15707196671204807,0.19774711156566002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263693786996312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517266629370512,0.0,0.374442515062823,0.0,0.0,0.4022994437261863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039754626040625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030908820789156,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beeeyeee,2019/01/11,"Please help. My life is a wreck right now. Right after I thought I had everything figured out. 

I had a girlfriend for nearly 3 years. We got along perfect and we had awesome communication and such. Note I have always had depression and other problems. But with her it was nearly always gone. 

We had religious differences that forced us to break up. Which was okay, but also caused a constant anxiety within me that everyone around me would leave suddenly. 



I got with my new girlfriend nearly a year ago. Thing we’re going great, we got along. She proposed. We moved in together with other people. And we began fighting over things and arguing more. At this point I knew I loved her. But I wasn’t going to get married until she changed a couple things. Not to say I didn’t have things to change. Because I certainly did. 

Fast forward to today. She hates living with other people. She wants to move out just me and her. I want to stay because I’m uncomfortable making that much of a decision right now. We have been in sever very huge fights where I threatened to kill myself, broke a hole in the door, and... most regrettably... threatened to hit her. I hate myself for what I do. And I really really need help making this decision. Please please tell me what I should do. 

Should I kill myself and just let everyone move on and literally be happier. 
Should I fix my issues, get married, and live a mostly happy life. 
Should I break up with her, and just stay where I am. Sad, lonely, and never go anywhere in life?


Oh yeah, I’ve lost all my friends and now I’ve lost my job. So I don’t even care about myself anymore. ",2.1708957280661463,4.7858735401929255,3.24198805695912,87.64558199356917,82.08681672025723,6.1266329811667415,21.425907211759306,7.447530270364453,0.9475403031694998,1265,39,241,20,35,405,165,311,0.199,0.639,0.162,-0.9391,1,2,0,0,3,2,48.0,8,0,0,3,14,22,7,0,9,2,26,4,0,3,4,61,51,20,2,9,7,0,0,0,3,5,3,1,1,0,16,31,0,0,5,0,0,8,5,14,0,0,20,1,51,8,38,23,5,50,0,6,0,1,28,24,0,2,16,176,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983078089784486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201916754636775,0.14987056097829818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889394890401321,0.0,0.08931311034928978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017051023042991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979676356823607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181990035393828,0.09251413916130023,0.1905383625935574,0.0,0.0,0.09732045767229393,0.0,0.0,0.09964721153575397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756662686134423,0.0,0.0,0.09409120367854508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059482308898082176,0.0,0.0,0.17210812053182895,0.0809381183069664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957841107045372,0.0,0.09410293750327092,0.0,0.1535457212347702,0.0,0.2160822810520888,0.0992890113067382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586817266512962,0.0,0.177826809806818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072765216026615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939969159827516,0.08936844233818157,0.0,0.199271162585972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953581769872283,0.0,0.09209017323410243,0.1908314025746443,0.0,0.0,0.15904532481306596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661739254957686,0.0,0.08128065511131831,0.0,0.12022852393118975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871514772452286,0.06620282442994467,0.06677669664852974,0.06945810547346247,0.08697835715960414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486943922676233,0.0,0.0,0.29656916868185124,0.0851337035656394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617312501480101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538662931200334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307265350692225,0.0,0.07161755476466841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173964817292458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919792042750089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871446198272107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393215275555477,0.0,0.0,0.07149581123353985,0.0,0.0,0.0853642374577683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832841091664648,0.0,0.0,0.07430709332193723,0.10623681421105198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397445718070706,0.0,0.0,0.1159885047178889
suicidewatch,RhysBrando,2019/01/11,"Struggled with depression, anxiety since I was 6 I'm 28 now. so for 22 years I've struggled with depression and anxiety and adhd though the biggest problems are depression and anxiety. anxiety makes me afraid to leave the house most days, the only reason I go out for anything is if I'm with my husband or a neighbor or something. I also can't hold a job because anxiety kicks in and leaves me a crying hyperventilating mess in the bathroom. this feeds my depression, making me feel like a burden and wanting to die.

I'm going to visit home in NY for a few weeks to help my mom while she recovers from a surgery, and when I get back I intend to go back to therapy and I'm planning to try and go back to school or perhaps try to find and keep a job, but can anyone recommend coping mechanisms until I can get in to see a therapist? my current strategy of ""isolate myself and just play video games all day"" is doing all of jack shit for my mental state lol

appreciate any tips anyone can offer, and to those in a similar situation, I feel you, and hopefully any advice this thread gets can help you too 👍",8.316986301369862,6.313885378995438,9.00762100456621,69.48869178082194,62.789954337899545,12.41296803652968,38.33835616438356,11.20814326018867,4.222159452054795,874,36,165,20,10,298,129,219,0.16399999999999998,0.73,0.106,-0.5423,3,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,10,14,1,3,13,1,10,2,1,4,2,37,29,23,1,4,6,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,16,1,2,4,3,0,5,1,11,0,0,1,3,19,3,28,28,4,25,0,4,1,0,11,7,1,6,13,105,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567670890467786,0.10218775665954308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362717964165199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222677390787786,0.0,0.3999911993921179,0.0,0.0,0.14624007715833945,0.0,0.0860548636217949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412310924027516,0.0,0.06374687450449404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486879018065725,0.13488217314168088,0.0,0.3602751022943628,0.0,0.10853050975378126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575074114234127,0.07470714122351317,0.0,0.0,0.09557804387866263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390560029022616,0.0,0.2377255213276391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018647255845215,0.0,0.10489548283321312,0.103864819612968,0.0,0.12066347492924097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754560310345208,0.09294949766666404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214559170536699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051089201274133515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396068951001274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538522674859499,0.0,0.0,0.12247491099641662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953265879314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000624646383982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751870401920374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105833698481999,0.08333133054111481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734292475831346,0.08650406206334982,0.11754469954535622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050558663042487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864530465425666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958860986292055,0.1214175878394798,0.0,0.0,0.10274267415211484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199672676113792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168000442982436,0.0,0.0838823427543754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734173589388218
suicidewatch,RINALDOOOO,2019/01/11,"Why i can't do this anymore Too many faces, too many faces, too many faces

Yeah, what's your definition of success? (Ayy!)
I don't trust the thoughts that come inside my head (woo!)
I don't trust this thing that beats inside my chest
Who I am and who I wanna be cannot connect; why?
Don't think I deserve it? You get no respect (woo!)
I just made a couple mil', still not impressed
Let You Down goes triple platinum, yeah, okay, okay, I guess (ayy!)
Smile for a moment then these questions startin' to fill my head, not again!
I push away the people that I love the most; why? (Woo!)
I don't want no one to know I'm vulnerable; why? (Woo!)
That makes me feel weak and so uncomfortable; why? (Ayy!)
Stop askin' me questions, I just wanna feel alive
Until I die—this isn't Nate's flow (woo!)
Just let me rhyme; I'm in disguise
I'm a busy person, got no time for lies; one of a kind
They don't see it; I pull out they eyes; I'm on the rise!
I've been doin' this for most my life with no advice (woo!)
Take my chances, I just roll the dice, do what I like
As a kid, I was afraid of heights, put that aside
Now I'm here and they look so surprised, well so am I, woo!
They don't invite me to the parties but I still arrive
Kick down the door and then I go inside
Give off that ""I do not belong here"" vibe
Then take the keys right off the counter, let's go for a ride
Why do y'all look mortified? (Ayy!)
I keep to myself, they think I'm sorta shy, organized
Let You Down's the only song you've heard of? Well then you're behind (woo!)
Story time; wish that I could think like Big Sean does, but I just can't decide (aah!)
If I should stick my knife inside of Pennywise
I, I don't care what anybody else thinks—lies (haha!)
I do not need nobody to help me—lies
I kinda feel guilty 'cause I'm wealthy; why?
I don't understand, it's got me questionin' like, ""Why?
Just tell me why""—not back to this flow
Inside I feel divided
Back when I ain't had a dime, but had the drive
Back before I ever signed, I questioned life, like, ""Who am I, man?"" Woo!
Nothin' to me's ever good enough
I could be workin' for twenty-four hours a day and think I never did enough
My life is a movie but there ain't no tellin' what you're gonna see in my cinema (no!)
I wanna be great but I get it in the way of myself 
And I think about everything that I could never be
Why do I do it though? Ayy, yeah
Why you always lookin' aggravated?
Not a choice, you know I had to make it
When they talk about the greatest, they gon' probably never put us in the conversation
Like somethin' then I gotta take it
Write somethin' then I might erase it
I love it, then I really hate it
What's the problem, Nathan? I don't know!
I know I like to preach to always be yourself (yeah)
But my emotions make me feel like I am someone else
Me and pride had made a pact that we don't need no help
Which feels like I'm at war inside myself but I forgot the shells
I hold my issues up for all to see, like show and tell
A lot of people know me, but not a lot know me well
Hold my issues up for all to see, like show and tell
A lot of people know me, but they don't know me well

Too many faces, too many faces, too many faces

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suicidewatch,Lichark,2019/01/11,I'm going to jump in front of a truck. When monday comes and i'll go to school an accident will happen and a truck will hit me. Bye guys.,-1.4498387096774188,0.4867794193548427,1.1357258064516138,100.72358870967743,93.51612903225808,4.390322580645162,10.975806451612904,5.985473137389443,-1.3846838709677425,106,1,27,1,4,36,25,31,0.107,0.893,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,13,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923361985188573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176938430233331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509744069017988,0.4027594514208701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609471779263162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diekaffir,2019/01/11,"No Perhaps that this isn't really connected to my main account I can speak more comfortably. I can't really do that because I'm only used to talking to myself. I've been out of school for a few years now, and I've  done nothing useful besides bum around my mother's house and take her food. I'm not going to be productive in society, so there isn't a place for me in it. Thanks for reading my rambling, though ",5.078823529411763,4.940550999999999,6.310588235294119,80.09764705882355,68.41176470588235,9.623529411764707,31.117647058823533,9.3871,2.625282352941176,325,12,66,6,5,110,63,85,0.058,0.867,0.075,0.3372,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,7,15,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,8,2,12,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097800076149465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365111205627867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24115354419401816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849510166097322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392631312640466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719104660878455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611419787733514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922376538824178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462059099717772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357155083982494,0.0,0.3019290747453345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384921393894576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718077952326694,0.18940794042711115,0.0,0.21695645925671705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315266358125007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40705487991935707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175199292750285
suicidewatch,donalddrumpf69,2019/01/11,Give me a reason not to. Please. Somebody give me a reason not to. My whole life if falling apart. I’m slowly going insane.,-1.032,0.625173800000006,1.4640000000000022,93.47200000000002,111.0,2.0,13.0,3.1291,-1.3558,95,2,18,0,5,32,19,25,0.248,0.752,0.0,-0.6442,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737269766970399,0.16994958843395913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112186394191221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282527689756854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6149195726219864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338640723847447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BladeMLG,2019/01/11,"I'm done man I can't kill myself right now. I just care too fucking much about my friends and family. I hate myself for so many reasons and whatever anyone says I just can't believe that I am a good person and a nice and cool friend. I care so much about my friends and they do not nearly care about me as much and it just hurts so much. I don't have the balls to tell them and I change myself for others. I always put people above me and change for them to please them. I really want this to just be over, my toxic friends that don't know that they are and I don't have the balls to tell them, my insecureties, my lack of self love and everything else. I feel like I'm mentally ill and so different from the others. Everyone says being different isn't bad. I just wish I fit in and didn't have to deal with this bullshit. I'm done. I can't stand it. But I don't think I will ever have the balls to kill myself. I'm not even able to end my own pain and help myself.",1.6865803546298928,2.976918693779904,3.0937010976639487,94.77943709541236,77.37320574162679,6.640135097101044,18.992682240360264,7.285733465282438,0.05072001125809189,753,14,181,9,17,246,101,209,0.096,0.659,0.245,0.9852,2,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,6,0,16,19,4,0,6,1,21,4,0,1,1,30,36,19,2,3,8,0,1,1,4,1,2,2,0,3,9,14,0,0,4,3,0,1,11,7,0,0,3,4,36,12,20,30,6,10,0,1,0,2,20,5,1,0,4,127,45,0,0.1118927347548863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310371885615976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782380017762843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342575975767699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606479540596882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422463010273873,0.0,0.23673535384700925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535649633879215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23380818532849665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290102319639773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934720221255811,0.0,0.09910375146961957,0.0,0.0,0.07390409602008789,0.10121338456575396,0.0,0.10691830311609883,0.10056197511250506,0.0,0.10548251212853076,0.0,0.056576328692575936,0.07993619206611632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457921972387828,0.10344303026538534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385031719755534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047091034602316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499934150857879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978348677569065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24758546543681734,0.0,0.061493320773470826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054665138280893824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098756170031917,0.0,0.0,0.113441670782289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276155918084478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290161383516436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906175880357515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757233366984105,0.09770042008399277,0.0,0.1228246220032426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112483103409374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168135106120208,0.11504436703668065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555578410915706,0.0,0.17796318744522066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672852524804345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559836409538364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169634640032299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599723399922497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867112289327431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suphunter12,2019/01/11,"It’s harder being happy occasionally, and sad usually, than being sad all the time. I’ll go from being happy for a bit to just the worst feeling ever. I’d rather just feel it all the time and get used to it.",3.2446969696969674,3.830423772727276,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,72.63636363636363,7.684848484848485,21.484848484848484,7.793537801064563,0.8143121212121223,162,3,34,2,3,58,30,44,0.185,0.6459999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.2128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,3,11,8,2,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,5,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222099408861345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669656427600975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29845728446335484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541953586409129,0.0,0.1677314805945002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6283513632434611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441900730734325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549010575227621,0.32504845716192154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herckles_,2019/01/11,"In-patient care? Has anyone ever checked themselves into and in-patient care program for a few days while they were in crisis? I have a near by reputable facility, but am really nervous about following through and checking myself in. I just hate being stuck in this never ended depressive suicidal mindset - even though I’ve never yet acted on those thoughts. Hopefully never though. Today I seemed to have more suicidal thoughts control my head than normal, so I’m just really nervous and depressive about it all. Trying to figure out what the next step is that would really, genuinely help me. I already have a phycologist and am on meds. I’m just rambling now.  ",5.655630252100838,8.098083680672271,6.106462184873951,72.47750840336138,69.33613445378151,8.793613445378151,32.90840336134454,9.3871,3.5924110924369748,534,25,80,12,10,172,84,119,0.118,0.6829999999999999,0.199,0.9026,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,12,8,1,2,4,0,10,1,1,1,5,23,21,9,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,2,3,3,5,0,0,4,0,8,3,16,15,3,22,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,2,11,65,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978969197481214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758334862376824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137435541354833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256845117709585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922776394955847,0.0,0.26504090180854983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627538027832445,0.0,0.0,0.10162389051791504,0.13917629016478406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190610944442368,0.15790600970711738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312993840438653,0.0,0.0,0.1528189168837501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709051396577956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560017946669449,0.0,0.16363316233885405,0.0,0.15075133638499374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957023290200244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006948406945385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33659842322300443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30233575218583275,0.2442972583910923,0.0,0.0,0.14584245437441734,0.0,0.0,0.10446167463408174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929860244017583,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,La_Quica,2019/01/11,"I have everything anyone could ask for, and yet I feel like I live in hell. I took a bunch of sleeping pills mixed with vodka. I don’t know if this is the end. Part of me hopes it will be, part of me doesn’t care. I’ll probably just wake up in a few hours, which is unfortunate.

My boyfriend left me because he couldn’t handle my mental health issues. My best friend is about to leave me for the same reason.

I betrayed my family in the worst way. I have nothing else to live for.

Maybe I’ll be back with a recovery story; maybe I won’t. I genuinely hope I won’t. All I know is, if my ex finds this post and alerts my roommate (who in turn will come home early and potentially save my life) I’ll never forgive him.",1.6268976057055509,3.1854407880794717,3.16251655629139,93.0771726948548,78.20529801324504,6.5004584819154365,20.224656138563425,7.321109707123232,0.2871585328578705,553,13,129,7,13,182,94,151,0.119,0.74,0.14,0.5083,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,0,6,0,16,5,2,1,2,23,26,5,0,6,3,1,1,1,1,4,3,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,6,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,1,1,23,8,16,17,8,16,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,4,7,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403142315403276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909053693236156,0.0,0.0,0.11440372269720245,0.0,0.0906957682898879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613691362604082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169256608781426,0.0,0.0,0.12816201310102496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187898516489221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428777916152008,0.0,0.13177617105774872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371514032334952,0.0,0.1402578747597806,0.0,0.07522835268146003,0.10628947101602627,0.0,0.0,0.13598351587588514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494815044348075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581476844497392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923988791052525,0.2955470267777489,0.1465197218522828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528914031491536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353274698461845,0.0,0.0,0.1575380337910396,0.1616514403110616,0.0,0.10508871183370837,0.07268708304353966,0.0,0.2627534265683734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989418534317031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993667031775884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474939761700212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275977821669994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222315427899384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424914664595286,0.0,0.16041152702537806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529720718443581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888886093425585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653016239736968,0.0,0.1618314534435093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809576025788335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyingeloquently,2019/01/11,"Soon I think I’m going to kill myself in the coming weeks. I’ve just pushed al my friends away because I’m truly just not a good person for them. I can never find the fun in life I always have to be high on something whether it’s ambien or weed. Things that I used to enjoy I can no longer do for more than a couple of minutes. I truly wish everyday that I wasn’t born. Why did I have to be placed on this earth, I just can’t understand it. I’m only 20 and yet I feel as if everyone would have been much better off if I’d died at birth. My dad is going to be so sad but I truly believe he’ll be able to come back stronger from this. I’ve always thought that I’d never be selfish enough to take my own life but the sadness has just gotten to be way too much",1.0489095519864762,2.275469195266272,3.0823541842772606,94.46415680473372,78.94082840236686,5.775316990701606,19.763736263736266,6.18269132825596,-0.14855063398140356,590,13,142,4,14,200,108,169,0.099,0.767,0.133,0.6986,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,10,9,1,0,5,0,19,2,0,1,2,24,35,9,2,4,11,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,5,1,16,5,21,22,5,24,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,3,9,94,24,0,0.1615972721502906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689237514332176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182595664210852,0.12425832747925344,0.0,0.0985081972111644,0.0,0.0,0.18206478817785285,0.0,0.14291965515390287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784034823142509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880430800505728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771245557301762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697317980497794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441311863856272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170843625393863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769697916394106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484965160394905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367890754721647,0.1355401249490165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073639033268126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878343900653731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282818646376994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375851773018104,0.0,0.2492675568762622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290200732226578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110050494427867,0.1688347551709326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440547502970188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150103762836102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735804711888264,0.10354500698204226,0.0,0.12829018349686994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682284593423453,0.0,0.13956815862014854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282683928990216,0.12962358432176882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581640326783316,0.0,0.1858288879042696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479406568332473,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blacklion600,2019/01/11,"Decision’s been made Hi everyone, finally got the results of my MRI back and my injury is unfixable. This was the last drop in the bucket I needed to finally make my decision. I’ll do it sometime this month once my parents leave the house. Look for me in the news. 20M Connecticut",2.9258928571428555,4.9718812321428585,4.792285714285715,80.65271428571431,75.96428571428572,9.48,29.057142857142853,9.888512548439397,3.221568571428572,223,10,43,7,5,76,44,56,0.111,0.889,0.0,-0.6249,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,3,0,8,9,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,0,5,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,5,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885052375474429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342513552201453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370997406091531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960688704251702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828702151735193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998299906752452,0.0,0.2595784803361402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058642789677421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319668817873225,0.16363954576908185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956764116379188,0.0,0.0,0.1817756377642828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610767765283141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722100919789489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424596438771278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fergergetgrtg,2019/01/11,What's to live for? I'm a 25 year old male. I can't get a girlfriend in my curren faith. And I'll lose all my friends and family if I get one outside of my faith. And I have nothing to do and nothing to live for..,-1.1696000000000026,0.2911852400000008,1.7620000000000005,100.241,86.6,4.800000000000002,20.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.39659999999999984,162,5,44,1,5,57,33,50,0.056,0.764,0.18,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,7,6,1,3,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655189684625733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760570937429927,0.0,0.2943058939484789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974124903997664,0.0,0.0,0.31509954574590016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405105291230807,0.0,0.2955492103410663,0.0,0.1908565024489679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181376381409768
suicidewatch,Lexia997,2019/01/11,"This might help. Hi there. 

My friend just gave me a book called ""Finding Your Element by Ken Robinson"" and I just wanted to let you guys know that its a great book if you're struggling with depression (which we all kind of obviously are..since we' re on this sub) Anyways, I'm not trying to promote anything or trying to make anyone buy themselves a book. I just thought that you guys might give it a try. 

If someone for any reason can't buy the book, doesn't read or just doesn't like reading I'll tell you what I've gained from reading this book so far, I hope it helps. 

So..the reason why so many people are depressed, on antidepressants or suicidal is because we aren't in our element. Which makes us lost, confused, depressed, etc. So what does it mean being in our element? It's basically finding out what you are good at, what your purpose is and what makes you happy. It could be cooking, taking a walk, socializing, sports (swimming, hiking, tennis, football, basketball, etc..) It could be whatever. So basically if you find what you love doing you' ll be a much happier person. If you're doing something you love, an hour can feel like five minutes. If not, five minutes can feel like an hour. 

If you don't know what your purpose is you can try sitting down with a pen and a paper for a few minutes and think about what makes you truly happy. It could take 5 minutes or it could take 50 minutes. There are also counsellors at schools that can you give you tests to see where your interests are, if  you're not in school there are pretty accurate tests on the internet. 

So basically just try to find out what you want to do that makes life worth living. We need to take action when we are depressed or not much will change. 

P.s I wasn't sure if I should of posted this here or on the depression forum, but I hope that at least 1 person here found this helpful.

Stay strong and have a great day you guys, if not have a bearable day. 

TL;DR: the reason most people are depressed is because they are not in their element, and they should try finding out what they love doing and start doing that.",4.834818815331012,5.827075168292687,5.057787456445998,84.88128048780489,69.26829268292683,7.8083623693379804,28.057491289198605,7.957251820313856,1.6490418118466899,1649,55,327,20,28,519,187,410,0.073,0.79,0.13699999999999998,0.9829,0,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,8,20,4,4,20,27,0,2,17,0,43,5,0,8,3,83,75,30,1,20,27,0,2,3,1,5,1,0,0,5,32,17,1,0,16,11,3,3,12,9,0,2,5,3,40,18,31,56,8,29,0,7,1,3,51,17,0,21,9,221,72,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448575431740433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633262232271882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047640019366615896,0.0,0.05606746726610317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083066212626985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957117939974769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207544023352618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759390236286325,0.0,0.0,0.08788000479134704,0.0,0.3520959476524908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962344919036935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197210497839822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889995484070119,0.09734813394167356,0.0,0.0,0.3113606030495105,0.0,0.0,0.07470406940188082,0.05263921176177642,0.0,0.0,0.1307183292499651,0.0,0.05714653783770141,0.0,0.1502332465310413,0.0,0.20238647262371176,0.0,0.14505720853626256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700388561183244,0.0,0.0,0.13534243455066974,0.13419411510498674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094979900120238,0.07488798093137608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696703769958192,0.04812419281775932,0.09985869477445898,0.0,0.06016248721229168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437497064991544,0.0,0.18447746437648127,0.0,0.2273957767090768,0.06907593842315764,0.0,0.07421656410100656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455621140870056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017085589571333,0.05051958821069612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446937279691676,0.11898181955712453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525236333312907,0.06931552477937937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044536334575948,0.0,0.0,0.21015551583177808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790800834613762,0.05429299926484885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056360134267802835,0.0,0.0,0.06945278237633648,0.05772867785041611,0.05245193767289399,0.0,0.0,0.048224727729913035,0.07262047115057542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122716802775172,0.0,0.07452619576471145,0.0,0.06421433266442035,0.0,0.20490946564379714,0.0,0.05955104707446051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365673015005784,0.0,0.05408981161974896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277546084945193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819553375009387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037295008777204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614792306694212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-am-my-dogs-keeper,2019/01/11,"I'm tired of feeling scared I'm scared to go to the doctor to check if I have breast cancer. I think I'd have a heart attack if I was told I had it. I'm 18 but I've had a lump on my right armpit since I was 13 and I'm pretty sure it hasn't grown but now, my breasts honestly look unhealthy especially my right one. I've been suicidal since I was 11 but things were getting better until almost two months ago I just wasn't feeling well and now I can't clear my mind. I've always had a fear of death but I've been hoping I would die in my sleep for a while now and that's something i was afraid of too. Fear is making me so anxious I can't sleep, I can't eat, I always feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel like cutting my skin, I haven't done that in years, people would notice if I started doing it again. Every time I try to say there's something wrong with me, the words can't come out. It will be easier if I just ended it myself. How stupid of me to think that life would get better.",0.7698079658605971,2.0875149234234267,2.7335087719298246,96.2755263157895,79.94594594594595,5.3944049312470375,17.540066382171645,5.750287758089431,-0.6118954954954958,771,13,190,4,19,259,118,222,0.24,0.616,0.14400000000000002,-0.9772,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,11,17,3,5,6,0,27,13,7,2,2,33,48,15,3,8,10,0,5,2,0,4,5,1,0,0,9,6,1,0,6,0,1,5,7,9,1,2,13,7,28,8,18,30,0,24,0,0,1,2,2,7,0,6,14,113,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410153856370344,0.0,0.11759700939987447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954353422047932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267130533627605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360247017940938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772841048017546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011622802878448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188191252068875,0.0,0.0,0.12020258148741182,0.0,0.1201796598517876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016820469581348,0.0,0.0,0.1040150480571403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989464254801486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26430038651112503,0.2375203546016659,0.16779519919204536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271282414223506,0.0,0.1334852349819584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916437803208542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664225006188945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294980286576926,0.11474837028909934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861818841743482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783906544550523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857871693956812,0.0,0.09373774473413914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370373249488926,0.0,0.0,0.07957890379702094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141659518354874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947647907073138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005825072989005,0.0,0.0933912653154761,0.2351514830835953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942915508092341,0.0,0.23504525743827726,0.0,0.0,0.1808187373186886,0.0,0.0,0.08312309099084719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845791035766144,0.0,0.11068375226243644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780204670108045,0.1504988218056929,0.0,0.0,0.06847893523002006,0.13497749430343273,0.0,0.11221686638389378,0.0,0.07973256860484883,0.0,0.11471968237012772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559070077752256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25027336622743074,0.12839981668102446,0.0,0.075626103496888
suicidewatch,FucksWithGators,2019/01/11,"I plan to end it tonight. I've been storing my anti-depressants for a few weeks so I have around 1.5g of Prozac, ~800mg of buspirone, and ~300mg of Ambien, and as much liquor as I can drink.

I don't have the will to do anything anymore. I lost the person I thought was my best friend by talking to her about my mental state. 

I don't have anyone that gives a shitty anymore. I think I'll upset a few people, but I don't think it'll matter in more than a week or so.

I feel completely alone. I haven't self harmed in a week or so, but it was the only time I felt happy. 

I'm supposed to have a psych appointment on Wednesday but I don't think I'll make it until then.

I'm sorry for letting anyone down. I only ever wanted to bring people up, but I've never lifted anyone higher.",1.4669568892645837,2.797349461538462,3.5711115807269667,90.96001479289944,78.05325443786981,5.775316990701606,20.355452240067624,6.18269132825596,0.06363871513102247,605,14,135,4,14,207,95,169,0.079,0.833,0.08900000000000001,0.6635,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,9,0,17,3,0,1,2,20,30,15,0,1,6,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,5,3,2,0,6,2,1,1,6,3,0,0,6,2,18,3,22,21,5,19,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,11,89,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564339775672756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995861890283318,0.31683627024918165,0.0,0.12429471025333386,0.13445941776330922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850927813175109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583646809721853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009226778853045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479636742162413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337783952829858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662615155912688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637138202397667,0.0,0.1450240227268819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669468754208312,0.0,0.0,0.14489326565984506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078703555129664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154450695638454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648802037580243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082171910759448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522148275229036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110332615016614,0.0,0.11649291483939465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974852005615004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094270330399936,0.13188406315089735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756976461400435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690791718710802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140185177380262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29034487676367793,0.0,0.11991048982158485,0.08807381467272928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908849490161404,0.0,0.363470385608234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway557600,2019/01/11,"too sick to eat, always feel like i will have a syncope, and have depression with repetitive bad thoughts/ear worms. For the past 4 years I have been suffering a strong neurological disease, it started by attacking my memory and thinking skills, and now it is attacking my ability to breathe, exercise and maintain blood pressure.The doctors diagnosed it as ""autonomic dysfunction"" in the context of a progressive disease it is fatal and irreversible.Over the past few days I have been in and out of the emergency room, what happens is I will go outside for an errand and will eventually feel too sick to keep fighting it, I have no choice but to face immense pain or lie down wherever i can to recuperate my breathing. Somebody will see me and call an ambulance.I have not eaten much today and whenever I need to eat I will have to feel like i am force feeding myself.

A big worry is mental illness I know that pain, suffering can aggravate mental illness.Also neurological diseases usually affect mental health strongly. I have begun to feel depressed and have earworms OCD like thinking.

​

I am far too worried to tell anybody because they have always called me psycho somatic or a hypochondriac, and i don't want to ruin my reputation.

​

if i wanted to kill myself i would just need to disrupt my blood pressure with a lot of alcohol.",8.301811846689892,8.663972723577237,8.435214866434384,65.8829268292683,61.60162601626018,11.581416957026715,41.555168408826944,11.20814326018867,5.1163168408826944,1094,59,170,28,14,358,141,246,0.251,0.6809999999999999,0.068,-0.9932,0,0,1,1,2,1,31.0,0,0,1,4,5,19,4,1,12,0,27,21,5,1,0,35,44,16,2,6,6,0,4,3,0,6,12,0,1,0,7,14,5,1,7,1,0,1,3,14,0,0,3,5,25,5,25,35,3,18,0,5,1,0,5,7,0,4,13,121,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469335637916883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582444952351392,0.17859909846168978,0.2325642046097724,0.2608131730393779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24418593338448996,0.0,0.0,0.08960843170828722,0.06542179751411557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917318570655067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921307348893499,0.0,0.18487059149870516,0.1089284094418496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984744337553616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963205610930409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705859707660388,0.15334008150120546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099291550026485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490347825650672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407705105190273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539170763514937,0.11873462591636298,0.0,0.058980735605873025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729464731695805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912403536798358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324462541210849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788931774300743,0.1591541092770597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283939142799861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489980073329603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552082710907362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596225403672263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380315823363496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753374180334935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172762249842184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819876036924826,0.0,0.12660124255011893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179790768685336,0.0,0.07623765669833417,0.0,0.2608131730393779,0.06911111241364501
suicidewatch,GwenHarris,2019/01/11,"I did get better. Then it didn't So many younger people posting.  I'm in my 40s.  I've been hearing for 4 decades now ""it gets better"".  Truth be told it did for awhile.  Life was good and I was happy.  But like always when I let my guard down and allow myself to be happy terrible things happen.  And let me tell you; the older you get the more complicated things are.  Sad part is; I just don't care.  All I want is for it all to end.",-0.507203557312252,1.560622054347828,1.6522529644268786,98.11330039525691,89.32608695652176,4.21501976284585,14.885375494071145,5.565023196281405,-0.9824695652173911,327,6,78,2,11,109,63,92,0.1,0.703,0.197,0.8705,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,4,10,0,0,2,0,14,1,0,1,3,11,23,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,1,11,8,7,12,4,8,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809947622009068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360881662696756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372287736536373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828813490253278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297809490394716,0.0,0.0,0.15936727527443126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802089521226715,0.404527954939168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414957314345784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885862055440565,0.1342062314593605,0.09282690139435124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192635363576836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575702309304464,0.0,0.13172562248903746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819723773844681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607284484931614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524619105162553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155802935338672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120699393691502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tortoise001,2019/01/11,"Cannot Live Like This Hey all, 

​

This is my first post, and I write this feeling as if I'm in a dark hole, with little hope of salvation.

I made a mistake, not one that hurts anybody else, but one that I think has changed my life forever.

I sustained an injury via a mistake, a poor choice. My body does not seem to heal, or it feels so slow as to be of no significance. I've seen a few doctors and have been told its probably nothing serious, or non-permanent, but these were not deeper investigations. Two months on, I'm pretty convinced I've given myself a chronic condition and will have to live with the ramifications of that for the rest of my life. I'm getting CBT for Health Anxiety, but I know its just hiding away from the truth. I know if I get deeper investigations, it will reveal my worst fears. 

I try to find hope that even if it was, then I would adapt, but its a small chance.

I held a knife to my heart the other night and began pushing, but couldn't see it through.

I feel so bad for my family, as we are close and I know it would be tough for them, but I also know I cannot live like this for the rest of my life. 

I came so far, climbed out of many dark places, only to throw it all away.  

​",4.217870553359685,4.4762771185770776,5.035373023715415,87.1252334486166,70.30434782608695,8.222233201581027,26.48443675889328,8.07648339933343,1.2919330039525692,953,27,215,12,16,310,142,253,0.155,0.748,0.097,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,1,2,7,14,0,1,14,0,17,9,2,1,3,50,41,24,0,10,15,0,3,2,0,4,7,0,0,0,19,11,0,1,11,0,1,4,7,8,0,4,10,5,26,6,29,24,6,21,0,1,2,0,5,10,0,8,8,142,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008421103845883,0.0,0.24410716298644186,0.2737582245168059,0.0,0.0,0.08617507316154664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167217681392825,0.0,0.09405600522521322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512604181424514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883879613420368,0.0,0.0,0.11916617930740095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529954839227735,0.09857863669128583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410257967671999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440264932776056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619409184001262,0.12675982007852474,0.1708739692650464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295782677717047,0.09581795486788316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770739887996808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973908599074805,0.0,0.13348789802049288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237688839819694,0.0,0.0,0.12059154014150615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24763260646686966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23869890374991384,0.11006781309824472,0.11290244619539448,0.2984095712280224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658984261540427,0.0,0.11420694257698155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991420568025549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057121017637986,0.0,0.10808836954765633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266580061443846,0.08567354357604677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769272178248273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788522142900983,0.11460306351072293,0.12145311956498026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976551880320073,0.10255010560634586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218000634031077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763956860123232,0.0,0.07648029716614771,0.0,0.1100402953522794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004318567073808,0.0,0.2737582245168059,0.0
suicidewatch,EwanWhoseArmy,2019/01/11,"I hate myself IDK I just hate myself, and since I hate myself I am reluctant to be honest about it with doctors, family etc. I just fein being happy all the time.

I have a health problem that I just refuse to do anything about even if it is indicative of a serious problem, I never do anything nice for myself and basically just go to work and nothing else. I won't let anyone date me or even talk to those who are supposed to be my friends. I just post random junk on facebook just so nobody asks questions.

I have tried doctors and the like but all I have got from it is a bunch of acronyms in my medical record and some pills that make me tired all the freaking time to the point where it makes me make silly mistakes like scratching the car on a post or writing garbage at work, which makes me blame myself even more. So I stopped taking them",7.702529411764708,5.9112091058823575,7.343382352941178,80.26272058823531,63.82352941176471,9.911764705882355,34.779411764705884,8.07648339933343,2.499705882352941,668,23,136,6,8,211,100,170,0.197,0.732,0.071,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,14,15,3,0,9,0,14,6,0,4,4,33,25,11,0,4,10,0,1,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,1,1,25,7,17,19,7,15,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,6,7,103,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293249356942314,0.0,0.21874422430702306,0.0,0.12425121215438477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27207431931842874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102773457769524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822775952242362,0.2633538091033936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529400876189964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268453442272993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553478468883845,0.0,0.1062988173365431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148323488026618,0.0,0.3936579513378654,0.0,0.14127518611740553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359076244767526,0.0,0.12986445196509874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35486898347550194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338910142389323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250698618577772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752898853889655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256411950176398,0.0,0.25457860498247903,0.0,0.0,0.2543503677580845,0.0,0.0,0.1488875852249182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994302447922097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111719431090562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993041486671003,0.10682656503068826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549996635663739,0.15275840764600987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023593363070152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351748394275706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatever133712,2019/01/11,"Feeling disconnected and a failure Went through a messy breakup three years ago which did a huge number on my confidence. I dealt with that by working long hours everyday and neglecting my health. I became mildly successful at my job. After two years of using my job as a distraction I realised it doesn't fulfil me. Figured I'd try and connect with people in hopes of feeling a little bit less lonely. I had plans with my colleagues to go to a bar tonight but they blew me off. I also made an attempt of putting myself out there. I met someone and we planned our first date tomorrow. Two days ago she texted me saying she wasn't sure if she'd finish the assignments for her thesis so she cancelled. I just found out she spend the entire day sightseeing in Brussels. I feel like shit. I feel treated like shit.

I've had suicidal thoughts before. This time I'm going to act on them. I should just accept that I can't change and just end it.",3.128938618925828,5.368461152173918,3.7659590792838884,87.34042199488495,76.06521739130434,6.503324808184144,26.584398976982087,7.5105763829236425,1.4891506393861895,748,29,143,10,17,236,126,184,0.158,0.7290000000000001,0.113,-0.915,2,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,2,6,6,12,2,1,9,0,8,4,2,2,1,30,22,10,1,3,5,0,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,11,1,1,8,1,1,5,3,5,0,4,9,5,30,7,22,11,2,32,0,2,0,0,12,10,2,2,19,92,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615939983227178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179982319002761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555689599743936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610898664013333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609170906299522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031920021440107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068832931007252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29842930325788397,0.10541202767417213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550866715015965,0.0,0.16178445569141553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771575529889926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684213996425433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465536100044093,0.14531016879720904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29284754442066724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441740698509105,0.1478870589495981,0.0,0.1305799289998267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396183950789872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229480254440997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483317093671231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173402182108154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029224561383318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502133817598302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139923986847973,0.0,0.13906713437272494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714075018156865,0.08603945107276849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017892965683366,0.0,0.2882760505902584,0.0,0.0,0.1274385799177164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367832844362807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742047891147964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003883193534624
suicidewatch,Naeramarth1,2019/01/11,"How could you convince someone that they are beautiful when they hate themselves?? I'm very worried about my girlfriend. She has been going through a major depressive fit, and while she's had these moments before, this is just becoming a stressful trend. The stresses she experiences in trying to push through school and having a bad job are contributing factors, but those are not what I'm worried about. 

I do my very best to make sure that she is taken care of, and most importantly that she is happy. Unfortunately, keeping her happy can be like a chore sometimes. She has had her heart broken so many times by inconsiderate scumbags, and I'm truly lucky that she even had enough trust to let me into her life and get to know what an amazing and beautiful person she is. I love her with all my heart, but she hates herself; the kind of loathing that you would have for an arch nemesis, but that enemy is herself.

She does have her moments of confidence, but that is few and far between. Sometimes she gets so bad that she becomes unresponsive to anything I have to tell her. I've tried everything a regular person such as myself knows how to do. She doesn't respond the same way to advice that I do. I like to talk things through, reason, and rationalize problems to have a better understanding of how to resolve them. She's very emotional and empathetic, and just wants to be held when she's upset. That works for a little bit, but solves nothing. 

How could you convince someone that they are beautiful when they hate themselves??

Maybe I'm missing something here. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice for this??

Anything is appreciated, really.",7.15044693701467,8.015338167213116,6.803641069887835,74.87534943917173,64.04918032786885,9.437446074201901,34.741156169111306,9.414487439383343,3.2369016393442624,1331,57,229,23,19,417,163,305,0.15,0.598,0.252,0.9931,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,3,5,4,17,27,3,3,12,0,34,5,3,6,2,43,55,27,0,5,9,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,2,18,12,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,11,0,0,6,0,41,16,30,43,8,15,0,2,0,1,38,5,0,3,9,173,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235853726300267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693202562344397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068820689119169,0.0,0.1619899313946801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436066929189447,0.0,0.2174042240136984,0.08375198831010443,0.0,0.10329042578581464,0.08704845951720416,0.10745404703215904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035032316112052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716788645173435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477286559939166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722638620007957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107142992160666,0.0,0.10169880459801514,0.0,0.06500844476287998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845758160103158,0.1925560670413249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284546326518562,0.0,0.055936903607031734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095493911609157,0.0,0.2915214092267293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326697969450816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767111524269728,0.08748420552013675,0.0,0.10249395623778744,0.10818304700463836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064570543404404,0.06952012524459272,0.09617046452804864,0.09864719204762012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883194139535493,0.0,0.06569910870722223,0.09978698050585368,0.0988806253725363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444094887393804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718809295932407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941789406185956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630532460572166,0.1011967642192892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961083450024937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667894952363602,0.07577197793529541,0.19468866679300587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254898324236201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276391328232356,0.0,0.0,0.07910987362190633,0.08602733902968124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538885507672561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739210931593331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336475305300478,0.0,0.0,0.10246336108867857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436315264755167,0.05805331195412109,0.07812477573209711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165419806366942,0.19990968641418647,0.0,0.06991793094301549,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway110119,2019/01/11,"Right now I would do anything not to wake up tomorrow. Tried taking pills but I didn't have enough. This is my 9th suicide attempt. Every other time, I ended up in ICU. I'm finally in a country with no fancy medical cover but I can't get the same meds. What I've taken now do nothing. Fml. Tomorrow will be the same day, same abuse. All slitting my wrists did was leave me with hideous, embarrassing scars. ",0.7429292929292899,3.2650298024691367,2.578114478114479,89.69424242424243,90.48148148148148,5.414590347923681,22.178451178451176,6.980632752743323,0.9287925925925924,318,12,63,5,11,105,63,81,0.226,0.774,0.0,-0.9664,0,0,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,11,4,2,0,1,10,15,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,7,8,5,13,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,8,42,10,0,0.0,0.3098828076263036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522560413611266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867203072446466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164731537211994,0.27024132266836803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203592100976827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865049100693993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664415296267535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769336998014919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29051261280041063,0.2634746084772019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095523038475176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335421746319767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860829334647603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664595926494147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250640942703952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775688788307848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579091672671336,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImprovingCel,2019/01/11,Was told to come here. Going to give this a try. Suicide is my only way out. Advice?,-2.6950000000000003,-1.7962766111111073,0.5872222222222234,98.86750000000002,120.66666666666669,1.8,10.055555555555557,3.1291,-1.9453777777777768,63,1,14,0,4,22,17,18,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769831437842633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323183013803103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700786591522462,0.21924963742580866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29340571439738183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219845029931729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686326397231047,0.0,0.2619216538818583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062169631978283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SecretMelynx,2019/01/11,"I feel like I need to prove to myself that I'm actually depressed Me being in this situation is pretty much entirely my own fault, I don't really have an excuse to feel the way I do but here I am. Realistically speaking, I'm probably not going to commit; I have rough spots every now and again, but who doesn't? I'm really only writing this because I'm in one of those rough spots again, and I realized that a lot of the suicidal ideation I experience comes from me wanting to prove to myself and my family that I was right, that I did have legitimate issues and wasn't being a lazy piece of trash. I don't know if this is just feeding more into my toxic mindset of excuses, but I don't even know anymore. I don't know who's right or who to listen to, I just want to stop feeling like this so I can pick myself up and get going with my life.",5.062542372881354,4.552124887005653,6.979666666666668,76.54746610169494,68.49152542372882,10.017853107344633,28.99943502824859,9.642632912329526,2.403197062146893,663,20,139,13,10,235,96,177,0.093,0.8220000000000001,0.085,-0.6448,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,18,2,0,1,3,33,36,11,1,4,8,0,5,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,12,8,1,1,9,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,3,7,24,2,19,31,5,14,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,3,6,103,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.170550305791192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733248745126421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065381677613363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054887686430174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052914196508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543393444884426,0.0,0.14725125989042748,0.0,0.0,0.17095859239250355,0.16475759864831585,0.0,0.2651068845715911,0.24971144096105866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131010984970774,0.0,0.19865163327003316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241446976340064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881470584774013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234452171503424,0.17076758471515635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858320126176092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284760567830105,0.12958973796468196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842867276859265,0.13292045784003606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780391747418042,0.188431615932265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392427010687768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985052443119304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964487987365747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611554282689831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117000994494984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616774423980053,0.13872428841489534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsSeptember,2019/01/11,"Now that I'm almost at the point when I can stop worrying so much about money, I can't stop worrying about aging and being alone for the rest of my life. I have to get this off my chest. I'm struggling and there's no way I'm talking about this to people I know. It'll just be embarrassing. Sorry for writing my whole life's story. As I was writing it kind of felt good to get it all out.

The first 18 years of my life were struggling with depression and not being able to connect with people (My fault. I was an idiot growing up). Starting in my early teens I thought about suicide all the time and was on antidepressants.

Then I had college to stress about. I stopped taking antidepressants for private reasons. My whole time in college I focused only on academics and trying to get scholarships, internships, and jobs. I'm not exaggerating when I say I had no life outside of that. I thought about killing myself all the time just so I wouldn't have to do any more. It got very bad and I had to start taking antidepressants again, but I was able to finally graduate.

After I graduated college I got a temporary job. I was truly happy for once, even after stopping my antidepressants. I made amazing friends and even a girlfriend. It was pure luck that we ended up together and she was perfect for me. It was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. But I didn't appreciate all that at the time. I was too focused on getting a permanent, high-paying job so I could have as much money as I wanted. I finally got one...on the other side of the country. I could have spent the extra time to find a job in the area, but I didn't have the patience. I left behind my girlfriend all the great friends I had made. We grew apart because of the distance and I no longer talk to any of them. But hey, at least now I'm getting paid well.

I've had no such luck finding happiness here. I've been thinking about killing myself literally every day for over a year. My social life sucks. My hair's falling out. I have aches and pains. My social anxiety and low self-esteem stop me from meeting new people and making friends. I'm always tired. I don't want to do anything. I feel like it's too late.

TL;DR

I've been sad most of my life. I got lucky and was happy for a little bit, but then I threw it away just cause I wanted more money. Now that I have money, I feel like it's too late to find that happiness again.",2.345578512396692,4.324237028925623,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,77.4710743801653,6.300826446280992,24.63636363636364,7.259408732682427,1.0512247933884296,1878,66,385,23,44,616,210,484,0.15,0.684,0.166,0.9799,5,1,0,0,0,3,60.0,2,0,1,2,29,33,4,4,21,0,39,10,2,5,7,70,75,29,3,6,10,0,4,2,5,2,8,1,0,0,19,20,0,5,11,0,7,4,11,14,1,1,32,5,59,19,61,36,16,63,0,3,0,0,18,23,1,5,37,263,78,11,0.13550549338714732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678445889496311,0.07017141241524305,0.0,0.0,0.056375712808428076,0.0,0.0,0.09214838218462353,0.0,0.0518306657731611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575473762066107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636559358026501,0.0,0.05657071345501397,0.04130144552614354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396845158183643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960073420732232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819011028728764,0.0,0.0,0.04369491657246867,0.0,0.05835534144810273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000882348986284,0.0,0.0,0.08950010039946579,0.0,0.057084611241339525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685156489410599,0.09680515155105583,0.06505326187534365,0.1484396445494301,0.1857743491002833,0.05763045172604706,0.0,0.0,0.1570368120825003,0.0,0.17699006877948695,0.0,0.0,0.0568277894192753,0.2167522434482036,0.07469764241787256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884962348500586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715844967656805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689365866922159,0.0,0.1499167516237571,0.1411081192155879,0.0372351376953873,0.0,0.15285609874454914,0.0,0.0736135575244291,0.0,0.2871346120586152,0.06620113942210777,0.0679060514721676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821857422868035,0.045225484526660656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961212910145276,0.0,0.0,0.0654360249507409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215446401821161,0.0459110146144319,0.05152901691615735,0.07209369940578486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091367107280214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404824524850239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966110780502084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538797035668594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706808911263985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813078589903102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584365292438408,0.09591148566236976,0.0,0.0,0.28322165001499644,0.07761054242485252,0.141659763085141,0.0,0.07411050816699938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018832671604092,0.10891418272772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045011914342202086,0.04341322434523539,0.0,0.10757622563890393,0.1975358572508937,0.07787181549259142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599966759783946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590311166384699,0.11988697623901973,0.05377897669458625,0.0,0.0,0.060917856055293165,0.0,0.0,0.15128704418660047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761240612782485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726109501920891
suicidewatch,arindammanidas,2019/01/11,I have to end things now. This is it. I tried to do this earlier but I couldn't. Over the last few days I have really felt a disconnect with everything. It's like I'm not supposed to be here. So I'm not sure how to end it but I know I have to now. I hope I can find the courage to do it finally. Life is beautiful. :),-2.1954166666666666,-0.3923097083333307,1.148555555555557,99.65200000000004,97.47222222222223,6.213333333333335,16.92222222222222,7.554174236665415,0.25022888888888906,239,7,65,6,10,85,44,72,0.037000000000000005,0.696,0.267,0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,1,12,15,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,8,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456093164067566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069369729351204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25719805002304985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27477545581453755,0.3134936651614453,0.2615612191258253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842390128504896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727577123146474,0.23327300852877186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202135761871868,0.13981196127419646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333275271625268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697190809073926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012373744092392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942958626076855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nihalnichu,2019/01/11,What's it about Is this sub Reddit about how to suicide or how to prevent it? If it's how to prevent then I think I'm in the wrong subreddit,-1.0921875000000014,0.8965191562500046,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,91.8125,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,-0.07052500000000039,111,4,27,1,4,38,22,32,0.225,0.71,0.065,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,8,3,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6534069292797369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827595075401719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.653111433184897,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apatheticpessimist,2019/01/11,I have a long-term plan I’m 17 at the moment and live in Canada so I have a plan to get my gun license once I’m legal and then buy a gun. That way I’ll always have a backup plan just in case life goes to even more shit than it is already.,0.8165789473684201,1.0003120175438591,3.216622807017544,97.38177631578951,77.94736842105263,5.7,17.758771929824558,3.1291,-0.9057333333333342,183,2,50,0,4,64,41,57,0.163,0.8079999999999999,0.028,-0.8016,0,0,0,2,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,5,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,27,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40297716738196654,0.0,0.30385294907782906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24119313170860596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078766964377986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25793228534659984,0.0,0.0,0.32245419424625466,0.32316635807933675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388897019458813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748445403535265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898571007441867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoctorButterMonkey,2019/01/11,"What do I do I’m just a kid, but I always though I was pretty rational. Lately my family’s been having money trouble and I always come to this thought, the thought that I’m draining the money for stupid things like food, or stuff.

Today I got a letter from the school saying my parents had to pay a fine of 400 dollars for the amount of days I missed and I just can’t.
I’m useless, unable to get a job and skillless. I drain money faster then my family can produce it and I don’t know if they can keep staying stable as long as I’m alive. 

At this point it’s obvious they’d be better without me, I bring nothing to the table and I think it would be better if I just offed myself.
How do I deal with this, I don’t know what I can do",2.0799056603773565,3.0449048679245294,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,75.79245283018868,6.557861635220128,22.05503144654088,6.816661863887847,0.4584503144654089,570,14,128,5,12,195,92,159,0.103,0.747,0.15,0.8126,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,5,8,1,0,9,0,18,1,0,2,1,25,33,14,0,3,8,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,11,7,1,1,5,0,5,2,4,4,0,0,6,1,22,4,15,23,1,11,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,3,7,89,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846402185127596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30254435806409224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733698235709874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030752412255902,0.1763361266775423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224851345403952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682388548155092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936204855302513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679739657545406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973215279395967,0.15202941526268945,0.0,0.0,0.18799971125834267,0.0,0.192942098557164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356216645515008,0.0,0.0,0.15136621688031354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411879320151715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899211834267024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168936599385286,0.0,0.0,0.17401054858435966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601895064979838,0.0,0.173102982794028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230732672928687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580143027066566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363227616810387,0.1095963939823026,0.16804726293290198,0.2715754608432891,0.0,0.0,0.16212720526663485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487776266349152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150287122624748,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fabianleoni,2019/01/11,"When FAILURE is more than a FAILURE! Have a nice day everyone :) (30 M) Had to share my story (not too long) for some reason?! I was born in upper middle class family, I was healthy kid, good at high school and athlete who is about to get full university scholarship.. I had ""devil"" side in me back than but it didn't seem out of the ordinary much, I liked drinking, getting in trouble and liked girls very much which was mutual... 

Fast forward few years later I got sick, had to stop sports, was tired off everything and was high school drop out.

""Devil"" side took over and was mostly drinking and gambling.. I had also bad health issues all that time, also looked like shit all the time and didn't get attention from anyone very much..

Fast forward I ""accepted"" that I can't solve anything and continued to live stupid stupid lifestyle.. drinking, video games, gambling and actually accepted that I'm loser now... 

Then I was 21-22 yo when I met one girl I liked and we started relationship.. I was never in love with her but over the years I got to love her so much... It was crazy love-hate relationship .. In that relationship I decided to fight again, started some training and got back to school.. Finished school and somehow enrolled university.. I was still mess, got addicted to some very bad prescription drugs and was fighting but was also chaotic...

Meanwhile my family got from upper middle class to losing basically everything because of economics, politics and some shocking business decisions by my father...

I never tried to kill myself but sometimes I took so much drugs with alcohol that my ex thought I was dead several times. Eventually we got very evil towards each other and break up...

I kept training and even got bachelor degree from university, learned foreign languages, trying to change things etc..

But after that nothing positive ever happened... Injuries, bad financial and family situation (look at some russian drama movies, it's like that), was always fighting but fading little by little..

Now I'm still fighting and I even train in gym at least 5 times a week and trying but I feel like I'm doing Einstein's definition of stupidity for last 15 years -  ""Stupidity is doing same thing and expecting different results"" if he said that..

Then I relaised I was surrounded by all negative people and wanted to change it but couldn't change it and find positive, creative people so I did another fail and am now mostly socially isolated. I don't even have any social network not because I think it's stupid (which I tell people and also think that) but because I'm ashamed of who I was and who I became...

I don't expect anything, just had to write something .

Have a nice day everyone :) 

​",6.527575757575757,7.765457434343432,6.708484848484851,73.6827272727273,65.56565656565657,9.717171717171716,33.78787878787879,9.873865916822265,3.496393939393939,2150,93,359,46,33,690,243,495,0.243,0.6729999999999999,0.084,-0.9986,1,0,7,0,7,1,99.0,2,0,0,3,25,38,12,1,7,0,37,13,1,2,6,80,69,45,2,5,13,2,1,6,0,0,7,1,0,3,23,31,4,2,13,8,3,4,11,24,0,1,37,4,40,14,47,31,22,72,2,3,2,2,30,30,1,10,46,242,63,9,0.0,0.0,0.061012887079678085,0.06815869340876415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681747912049549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999670582861945,0.052023682579101435,0.06774304273700042,0.07597161376242523,0.042517406398397684,0.06556023472563724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371714707036433,0.0,0.10290128950084784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615180142533497,0.15661088934117956,0.11433930597444722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842136901344487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064360898853569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653226475127029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374457985905554,0.14501237263504316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697290529292812,0.1238864552312171,0.056555130730494375,0.0,0.119485750548837,0.11238228369509083,0.0,0.17682178959249514,0.0,0.03161322664179218,0.044666047003498285,0.0,0.0,0.05714438178827168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799619054885804,0.0,0.0,0.0524408602773076,0.3500343740593989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528839138600933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645843506043403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211679114293098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525718845089576,0.0,0.0,0.0691718216164032,0.0,0.0,0.05096413720970736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327185016926453,0.1253278296983248,0.05520846415570002,0.05533039611426425,0.10500621377639073,0.06994662302431823,0.0,0.0,0.1692868422082552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298059539846617,0.0,0.09644232751541923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999197195246801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423668266386624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003557258528212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428348627487658,0.0,0.20137712178591374,0.0,0.0,0.05947316242843165,0.0,0.0,0.2531042078993762,0.0,0.056918085498051926,0.0,0.07063256623192479,0.0641783910376532,0.0,0.07027784745767397,0.0,0.12746751751826546,0.0,0.04813283251892129,0.06183629652694304,0.0,0.08850741635400154,0.0,0.09986101024045946,0.05227156335913074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464737247719788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307426823936663,0.08012371606711463,0.0,0.049635837286118194,0.14582936124330276,0.07186035278722516,0.0,0.0,0.13892947317520246,0.12734590765988954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635025911010774,0.036877357798981256,0.0,0.05015173386197328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597161376242523,0.12078721357041886
suicidewatch,freelancer-york,2019/01/11,"Tattoos, Zoloft, and my breakup. Please please please help me Two months ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me. He was so out of my league and i fucked up our relationship and I miss him so much and knowing I can never get him back kills me. I'll never be with someone as attractive as him again and I don't know how to move forward, it's been months and yet I still cry about it often and the last few days he has really plagued my thoughts. 

I'm a nerdy girl with tattoos and I don't think I'm that attractive. For some reason after my breakup I've become hyperfixated on the fact I have tattoos, like I'm so petrified and scared that they will impede on me having good future relationships because they might be a turnoff for men. I never really thought like this before but now I just have this regret and even though those close to me tell me they are cool and that a lot of men are attracted to tattoos I still can't stop hyperfixating and obsessing over this regret and self-hatred and fear that now I will never find love like I had again and that might be a catalyst/reason as to why.

I've started kind of seeing this other guy and he is so nice but I dont love him and I'm much less attracted to him than my ex and all I want is my ex back

I also just started Zoloft and honestly I'm three days in and I'm a wreck with symptoms. Working is such a struggle. I really wanna die and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this isn't coherent but I'm bawling as I type this",2.6668077742279017,3.8719475910543153,4.048326677316297,89.26671791799788,74.68690095846645,7.261395101171459,23.90428647497337,7.793537801064563,0.9663973375931848,1168,34,262,16,24,386,152,313,0.165,0.7070000000000001,0.128,-0.9459,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,3,1,22,24,2,4,8,1,27,6,0,2,6,58,50,36,2,5,6,3,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,4,16,27,0,1,8,0,0,2,10,10,0,2,5,2,40,14,30,38,7,34,0,4,1,3,25,9,1,6,28,180,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256228286283344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350486470254045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058550835949156,0.0,0.06365363693380255,0.11532400160728667,0.08885397216458278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470078057974795,0.13468489152982033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837177066023343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237979709165898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896861385590372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750185191561033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543824934454688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653487147070633,0.054555289460011085,0.0,0.0,0.08758278141028775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033924997202986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699907163812173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552557491133322,0.10873765887050107,0.17215997448869225,0.08511646958875707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304343127814352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877439274876088,0.1884867692655469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154684333221206,0.0,0.0,0.16669455154490256,0.110982238356011,0.1535218493990322,0.0,0.32214144637659275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438663504375912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068292645102195,0.2147228896296362,0.0,0.22421661715874636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454292219456032,0.0,0.08320944831735819,0.0,0.10893313114354554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847496916851334,0.0,0.0,0.1168899607624183,0.14781843125247507,0.0,0.1667803499990505,0.08730003442826434,0.0,0.1091627546285547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853265859616087,0.0,0.0,0.0912679321622053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690830273357168,0.10259240047330703,0.16579608588259012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200344621208647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158978990843835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422306625617193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601921158756124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YeahThisIsIt111,2019/01/11,"Yeah this is about it It'll happen today before sundown or tomorrow morning. Depends if some friends are able to get drinks. 

​

Couldn't be earlier only because I wasn't in the city. Suicide is tough in the country.

​

Good ways to die here. I had a chance to mend things smoothly weeks ago still. I'd love to restart the last three years but really don't want to continue this as things are now either way. 

​

There's lots I would have changed. They're not worth changing now. 

​

It's not a hindsight problem. I knew what needed to be done at all times. 

​

This'll really hurt the family. It'll REALLY screw up my contract starting tomorrow. Things I'd change.

​

Writing this out really helped me affirm my thoughts. They've been brewing for a year now.  Likely tomorrow morning. Blow the little left in my bank account tonight. 

​

People will be PISSED across the board. Friends, family, peers. Parents especially. Whew.",3.231477272727272,6.388970375,2.91128181818182,86.72917272727274,86.72727272727273,5.543272727272728,28.06272727272728,7.087006719466742,1.9327130000000008,790,37,130,12,25,235,121,176,0.13699999999999998,0.773,0.09,-0.8895,1,0,1,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,0,9,1,18,4,1,1,1,19,26,4,2,6,6,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,5,5,0,1,6,1,8,5,16,12,4,28,0,1,0,2,6,9,2,5,18,76,19,0,0.06245675507970391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553641449531952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737030762429178,0.5312425555804481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038073058193945526,0.0,0.05314609841545287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982128962124238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482025112279005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063914944968738,0.0,0.06118384244311671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775734036057857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965078680877991,0.0,0.0326310767216434,0.0,0.0,0.0523857629201816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523030225038096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041863446398031835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686124807415665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091059138201473,0.0,0.0,0.06785944714009727,0.0,0.0,0.030513215719386425,0.06259807656815213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053098499694066714,0.05636965993395635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463108925049304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475011766472874,0.0,0.0,0.069350835257371,0.0,0.0,0.04329964993340872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976267964225877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600455864026959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420721270856863,0.0,0.04987804528533107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831755291564746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448047851643095,0.0,0.0,0.049583687046043184,0.03641903615089491,0.0,0.05920170093887241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368386123447349,0.0991505301192303,0.0500990415915477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436748683677555,0.0,0.5312425555804481,0.08044020509235587
suicidewatch,throwaway0090090090,2019/01/11,"Sunday morning, 13th of January. It feels right. I was born on a snowy Sunday and I will be dead on a snowy Sunday. I wrote my letters. I'm cleaning my place. I'm gonna wear a very thick scarf so that the rails don't feel too cold and I'm gonna wear a hoodie and tie it up under my chin so that my head at least is covered for the bystanders. Probably have some wine and if I can find any, some xanax. My brother did it the same way. I'm so grateful to him for taking away my fear of death. Either I'll join him or I'll just not BE anymore. I always contemplated that killing yourself is not really wise or that it isn't the way of freeing yourself from being in constant pain. Why? Because once you're dead, you're just not THERE. You are just not conscious anymore so you can't really feel the absence of pain. When you can't be aware of pain coming to an end, you can't really be at peace. So your death will only affect the people who knew you. So i figured if we are all gonna die one day, and if when we do we won't be aware of being dead, then why not just wait. Well, now i feel different. After you cross a certain threshold, the pain just becomes unbearable and when you are so fucked up mentally and it's clear that you won't have a bearable future. Then, it's just the most logical thing left to do. To end your life and thereby your current and future pain. It's like stopping a machine. Yes after you've pulled the lever and it stopped making that horrible sound you immediately forget that there used to be a horrible sound that banged on your eardrums everyday, but came to a stop nonetheless. And you really have become free of the pain even though you're not aware of its absence anymore. 

​

So now I'm turning off the machine. The nuts and bolts will intermingle with the rest until eventually they'll decay. I have been fighting for 15 years and have exhausted all possibilities and it just gradually and consistently got worse, but I see clearly now. I see that I don't have a nice future. I will never be able to hold a job, a relationship or be even remotely happy. I'm useless and won't be missed anyway. I lost all my potential, my brain is ruined and I can't change it. I'm probably doing a huge favor to all the people who know me. They all despise me. I just gave love and wanted to feel love. I don't belong here. I'm going home now. I hope all your hearts are filled with immense love the moment my head is severed from my body. Goodbye <3",2.4260555456331474,4.202160013752458,3.8280742096802975,88.22138975709947,76.56385068762279,6.670494731202003,23.748928380067873,7.520522993642371,0.9870388998035358,1953,62,411,26,44,643,231,509,0.16399999999999998,0.728,0.109,-0.9641,3,0,1,0,2,1,56.0,3,15,2,1,32,30,4,1,29,1,48,21,7,3,10,85,87,41,7,5,23,1,6,1,0,11,9,2,2,0,23,25,1,5,11,1,2,6,18,17,1,1,9,11,51,15,38,56,13,56,0,4,2,4,33,16,1,10,33,269,74,1,0.08084414611539867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726880585752851,0.08759459853970697,0.09823448636296046,0.05497679162236757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24052700842916197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595573650197122,0.0,0.0,0.04928184110371173,0.17857201556495522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979962132606616,0.0,0.09024880382916413,0.0,0.09246416602974937,0.0,0.0,0.085522387038862,0.06964007344850665,0.0,0.08736380154166952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213778617509344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839034600231831,0.08446492589121278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320783528877334,0.0,0.0,0.10679359209983966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909721403903299,0.2043861468537256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389008493427822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473911037847095,0.0,0.0,0.0459455912914594,0.0,0.06465844890178123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606009683063047,0.0,0.0,0.16593883490223602,0.0,0.0,0.0958007023961346,0.0,0.0,0.08109327018251059,0.08029647847395427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022534056314616,0.0,0.08944206961993559,0.0,0.04442982844794986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783740130115973,0.0,0.0571026112467476,0.03949636619643049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825093548256059,0.0,0.21889499470604126,0.0,0.053964095297111374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147188453822553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235198936771394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609637714539863,0.05478208567074057,0.06148561609750654,0.5161432284173703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209430337823124,0.0,0.08446492589121278,0.0,0.0,0.0911396276889486,0.0,0.0,0.17432732607326834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716332053678554,0.0,0.0,0.08679635785085225,0.0,0.06904045905764075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288446350541809,0.0,0.0,0.09133087373908932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276797834112112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060784736700656664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370925840796872,0.0,0.07942896309022959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793521599259617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982338537280894,0.0,0.06670488722911308,0.0476839719784622,0.12834064040229182,0.0,0.0,0.07268859634937969,0.0,0.14589853473322262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238709160021826,0.0,0.0,0.09823448636296046,0.052060979518869725
suicidewatch,01-2019,2019/01/11,"Insert interesting subject title here. Hello

My name is Scott, I’m from the U.K. and I’m 35 years old.

This is the first reddit post I’ve submitted as ‘myself’ because usually I prefer to remain anonymous. 

About me:

Life is very shiitake at the moment much like a lot of people. 

I’m unemployed (on the sick) since 2015. I’m single (8 years) and I was diagnosed HIV+ in December 2015. I’ve got no friends anymore (due to my personality/mental health disorders) I’m completely disconnected from my family and financially broke so understandably these things are causing me to feel suicidal most days. It’s a dark and disturbing place to be in and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Nice to meet you all even if it is in such dire circumstances. 
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suicidewatch,i-DeathWish,2019/01/11,"Any idea how should i hang myself..? I have the hanging rope and i just don't know where and what should I hang myself  from..
Don't need any help.. So.. ",-1.4506250000000025,0.5231526875000014,-0.18774999999999945,107.80775,100.25,2.5600000000000005,9.525,3.1291,-2.363045,114,1,29,0,5,35,22,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,7,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6465339614802057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186295834420667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366333398854585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26125017618026936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524798280432555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisisntus997,2019/01/11,"Feeling kinda ballsy today Might just go ahead and do it, been weighing the suffering vs the benefit of living out and it's just not worth it honestly",5.634482758620693,6.894618827586211,6.747758620689655,72.51060344827587,67.6206896551724,9.937931034482759,31.74137931034483,10.125756701596842,3.532158620689655,122,5,20,3,2,41,24,29,0.209,0.662,0.13,-0.411,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,5,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749353114599089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090245020609822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801394194860364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5768306684525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154094968338722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luxuria_Chuuni,2019/01/11,"I don't know what is happening to me... I am not a native English speaker. Sorry for the grammatical errors.

I am 19. It just hurts. It hurts so much. I've made wrong choices. I used to drink a lot from a very young age (16). I also used to smoke to relieve stress. I attached myself to the wrong people. All the people around me keep saying, ""What happened? Such a shame. ""

One day it just got me. I found myself on my desk. I finished my ""letter"". In front of me was a ""drug"". And I was holding a knife. I wanted to end it all. But in the end I got scared. I just said to forget it all.

 I changed my personality.

I just, you know, laughed. I kept thinking it was all just a stupid nightmare. I became more selfless. I threw away my selfish self. I kept thinking, to just laugh. I made a lot of friends. But it just sometimes hurts.  The jokes my friends make about my mistakes hurts, but I have to laugh. Everytime I made a mistake, it hurts more than before. But the pain I feel when I make a mistake to someone wants me to end it all. I kept making mistakes. 

But I just laugh. I don't know why but I can't cry. I want the pain to go away. But I can't cry. I want to say to the people around me that it hurts but I just laugh. I don't know what to do. ",-1.4103301886792463,0.5900214339622636,0.8420518867924542,100.82534198113207,98.81132075471695,3.2537735849056606,16.81367924528302,4.935628992294339,-0.9425075471698112,940,27,226,4,40,311,115,265,0.212,0.667,0.121,-0.9502,0,0,3,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,0,0,16,28,1,3,18,0,13,4,0,8,5,58,44,12,0,8,18,0,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,2,14,3,1,5,8,2,0,3,6,19,0,1,14,5,47,9,28,30,10,18,0,6,0,0,9,7,0,2,8,154,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695112381813503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475745198415178,0.0,0.0,0.1633315642027027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396394981888381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195161480031047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190958773644312,0.056057294433732835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851501575301596,0.10080155602277692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309604332174897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043950214433265286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530513849656916,0.13431095273586333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939959533969751,0.0,0.13903842006422226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372911374209866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.558308753962675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725998531614138,0.0,0.0,0.19107953426198587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477954124168797,0.0,0.2467421932991855,0.17406269430549534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389743805723969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589003816891191,0.0,0.1849815974681827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078165078917705,0.07589666053172238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268242502960797,0.13824722158882655,0.08702376790533707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906782718795172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364845960612706,0.0,0.08596776668552218,0.09730170730182572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956849375501324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139180894886712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014485114726034,0.0,0.0717194913304091,0.20507464187218966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843329875499648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007042948506606,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImDonePeaceOut,2019/01/11,"I’m At Breaking Point. I’m beginning to realise a sad reality. Life’s unfair. No matter how much you try to better yourself, no matter how much you think you’re doing what’s right or what is best you will still most likely come out empty handed. It doesn’t help when the people who you thought cared about you aren’t there anymore either.

I’ve tried these past few months to ignore these thoughts. I need to vent. I know my feelings are nonsensical but I’m at a point where I just don’t care. Is that selfish of me? 

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suicidewatch,modannaye,2019/01/11,"I wish my mom didn’t love me The only reason I’m still around is my mom and brother love me and would be absolutely devastated if I killed myself. I fucked up my life so bad and now I have to just tread through these next 50+ years? Fuck that. I hope I get hit by a car so at least my family could accept that I died in an accident.

There’s just no way out.",0.5926607142857172,1.9692930875000023,2.8796428571428585,94.77250000000002,80.625,6.571428571428572,17.67857142857143,7.447530270364453,-0.08814285714285708,277,5,71,4,7,95,62,80,0.298,0.539,0.163,-0.9408,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,3,0,3,0,6,5,0,1,0,14,15,6,2,5,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,14,4,8,10,1,11,0,0,0,4,5,5,2,2,4,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623592853887812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529729650377173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580635248055944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205462369895025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662919229661065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36604151337652857,0.10343153936190208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662961166232032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902528915196226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983258653110753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573526396331799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637218699717624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054412517687204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056566671218105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035468900491153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809968663408033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713995658590296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276565778809746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140632731806329,0.0,0.0,0.1274866641738946
suicidewatch,shiba_ba,2019/01/11,I’m a failure and huge disappointment I guess my last cry for help wasn’t enoiugh for my family. Noe they don’t even talk to me they’ve isolated from me. My mom just looks at me in disappointment. Whats the point of being here? When not even the people close to you care about you. I don’t belong here. ,0.7303348214285705,2.9206558281250032,2.3569642857142874,94.44875000000002,84.46875,6.1571428571428575,16.955357142857142,7.447530270364453,0.015091964285714353,239,5,56,4,7,78,47,64,0.217,0.667,0.116,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,11,1,9,6,0,7,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,1,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032459778199312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267088703249382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928945872355754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803870847161563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276486475574551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935860738316608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244216547467626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497632183145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483421367270962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619797588639988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811640296240768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390600271726947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonweirdo039,2019/01/11,"What reason do I have to keep going? I have never been loved by anyone, I see no possiblilty of ever being loved. I have nothing in my life worth staying for. What reason do I have to keep going??",0.3502500000000026,2.697223525000002,2.870000000000001,88.73500000000001,88.75,4.2,15.5,5.6839178017228535,-0.4516500000000003,151,3,29,1,5,52,26,40,0.215,0.7390000000000001,0.045,-0.7982,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,2,6,15,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,6,13,0,6,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942907492214862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918364129173687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754211837587953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43075325752433774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711510108285513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373892167249848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688472863950065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325033766339372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982709230679086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930900273025156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25827066006767224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seahorseknowssmth,2019/01/11,"""She died? Oh, that's unfortunate"" - everybody Nobody will fucking care. Nobody. ",4.404999999999999,4.7159995000000015,5.246666666666666,62.79000000000002,137.33333333333334,7.866666666666667,28.0,7.1686216300943375,4.186600000000001,62,3,7,2,4,20,11,12,0.365,0.442,0.193,-0.4779,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5914828524462693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020850327376976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363223364873686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ragnarok4623,2019/01/11,"One last post Hello all it's me again.

My job is outsourcing their jobs to India. I am unable to get a fulltime position because of this and when my contract is up then it's done. 

I dont know what else to do so I've decided that it's time. 

I'm spending one last day with my family. Just one more. I've already written down my will. Thank yall for the support in my previous posts but I'm deleting reddit after this. Goodbye and good fortune to all of you.

",-0.4548508634222905,1.753808428571432,2.1602040816326533,93.00182888540036,92.26530612244898,5.056200941915228,21.824175824175825,6.67199483983844,0.6228797488226059,358,14,78,5,13,123,70,98,0.0,0.918,0.08199999999999999,0.7543,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,9,14,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,11,3,12,11,3,13,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,8,53,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244865285255603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400708704031957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311934546986198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081762411503872,0.23841469051806816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699369853648294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917726792702585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628210506829372,0.0,0.0,0.17062474543086611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40373941262125695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179804731598028,0.3316399804094329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135417862164722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896532774775479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308463180133634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872880630152514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861980098585174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fandomtrashstuff,2019/01/11,"there's honestly nothing left for me i don't know what to do anymore
the only person who really cared about me, my boyfriend spencer, dumped me for no fucking reason
he was the only reason i kept myself going
the only thing i can possibly think of as a reason to live is to see the ending of god of war but that's honestly a really, really pathetic reason

i'm a 17 yo autistic trans kid so it's not like i'm doing the world any favors by existing",5.807872340425532,4.8937763829787215,7.684553191489362,73.45300000000003,67.08510638297872,10.924255319148937,30.50212765957447,10.355215969177356,3.0326153191489365,356,11,69,8,5,127,65,94,0.152,0.735,0.113,-0.6976,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,8,0,6,1,0,4,0,9,15,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,8,5,11,13,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149151215505572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259418500386866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715778687808006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521089388473393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156898369873434,0.0,0.0,0.09317647135775813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901025434964864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813197907410036,0.0,0.0,0.0800976095898305,0.0,0.14477071096013885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731429164494895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740737197752661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315467500400025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482880881967464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31509139386070906,0.6742709585084061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064679450494185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892098756441028,0.10505243640804017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkRose227,2019/01/11,2019 started great Some thing broke and now we cant get hot water. Havent showered in 4 days and had to wash my hair with cold water.. Fucking everything goes bad allready.. Godd :/,3.3779047619047624,5.350543171428576,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,74.42857142857143,5.80952380952381,25.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.8653809523809524,141,5,28,1,3,43,32,35,0.213,0.6890000000000001,0.097,-0.5945,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,3,5,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659316928325965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826436827998917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938829492310827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40516751776948223,0.2289745754560392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831870250728362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102051412028776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911627767603832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fallowart,2019/01/11,Just got out of inpatient stabilized. What is everyone’s experience with psych hospitals for suicidal thoughts/attempts ? Curious to see if people benefit or grow worse because of the experience.,7.0585483870967725,11.108445741935489,7.987338709677418,51.601008064516144,75.45161290322581,14.712903225806453,46.45967741935484,11.698219412168324,9.054993548387099,162,12,19,9,4,54,29,31,0.201,0.66,0.14,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,12,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020505547176797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31671736119308985,0.0,0.6484488921198577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650930885535785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978764257812676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641249738449151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625555738980823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377787271455376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BakexCake,2019/01/11,"Am I the only one who always get happy when I think of killing myself??? i think i grew up getting told a bunch of shit since young age that im eventually happier when other people talk shit to me. when i think of killing myself i smile with me imagining my parents go ""haha hes finally dead"" and my friends go ""oh wow im glad hes dead"" because im such an ass. even though i oftentimes think of killing myself which makes me happy, im just scared and afraid to kill myself, which is also a reason why i should kill myself more. but the idea of killing myself makes me happy because everyone else is going to be happy that i am now gone from this world and im happy that nobody will ever remember me and my death. im thinking of carbon monoxide or hyperthermia because its finally winter, can someone please help me encourage me to kill myself?? please?? i dont take encouragements of not killing myself because it doesnt apply to me; because im happier with the thought that i will be gone and nobody will be distracted from me and will live in peace. I also thought of being a positive person that tries to make others happy which is also a good alternative, but you know, a negative person cant make another negative person positive, everyone end up just being ""youre no help"" and ""stop talking to me"" and many left ignoring you know even if i asked them to not so i guess dying will make them feel better too. i wish i could make other people happy but i suck and im such a disappointment. the world will be a happier place with a negative piece of shit gone, which is me. people who say they care are obviously lying because they dont know what ive done or seen, so if youre a redditor on suicidewatch trying to tell me that you care, stop. theres no place for me to get encouragement to kill myself except this subreddit, so please list me good reasons to kill myself please so i motivate myself to kill myself and stop this negativity in this world",4.806013446707535,5.63523692287918,6.079447300771212,78.12410272889069,69.23136246786632,9.172276052995848,28.329147716037177,9.367010060515213,2.4141527783270718,1549,52,296,31,26,522,169,389,0.25,0.521,0.228,-0.9408,1,0,0,0,0,12,35.0,0,5,4,2,21,39,15,3,14,1,30,4,4,9,2,58,65,28,15,5,12,1,1,0,1,7,0,1,0,3,22,13,0,4,17,0,0,7,12,20,0,1,8,3,59,19,34,43,3,32,0,1,1,1,29,11,5,5,14,206,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137480645545671,0.0394512711587348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971648428499407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432459403134697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734145197138167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193279350998255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668107633641987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03785528523729028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920703006890386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048519784549604414,0.11113496288983947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960733401346392,0.0,0.04199369284181019,0.0,0.0,0.06263145162513052,0.04288761747063862,0.0,0.09060997820251833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023973350493817047,0.0,0.0,0.10387687137057884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03663103339330085,0.0,0.07431373740195574,0.0,0.0808374085498163,0.07953526148218018,0.0,0.0,0.052230575544248835,0.0,0.0,0.35330286020567725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355963853930932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352331183878227,0.4097119236184421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770079647247915,0.0,0.07817055114736976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151417648099713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04186639587368926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898905856225079,0.048069165976563036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03212815938809399,0.036059592289508814,0.0,0.0,0.0526463346979111,0.0,0.0,0.09861025556088024,0.12419715815038755,0.09907262815975022,0.20818018988501205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097496567806514,0.0,0.0,0.05370949168207168,0.0,0.0,0.03770458393300605,0.04746851218337126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600576017516734,0.03922038137193287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017273540606559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189177419439617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03564854614735999,0.07621727055451419,0.0414409015823184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190112906765954,0.046582862900324346,0.07528097892678287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530498910125917,0.0,0.0643803960681001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042782702785099866,0.0,0.054522412444168535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,problemchild123,2019/01/11,I am an unsuccesful piece of shit I am 23 year old who cant finish college and i have no goals in my life. I think killing myself would be easier for my family because i am a big burden to my family and i dont want to live. I talked with my mom about suicide and she said 'I hope i die so you will have to work'. I dont think she understands what i am trying to tell. Why should i live like this? If i could kill myself easily i would but i tried cutting myself and it was painful and i didnt bleed that much. I wanna jump from my building but i dont wanna be disabled. I didn't try hanging myself yet but i am a fat fuck so i dont think the ceiling or the rope will hold me. What should i do? Should i get a gun? ,-0.9262249827467244,0.9047072298136668,1.8970910973084896,97.39241373360943,88.5031055900621,5.068461007591441,16.397860593512767,6.42735559955562,-0.4945199447895097,548,12,138,6,18,191,92,161,0.209,0.743,0.048,-0.9732,0,0,0,1,0,5,10.0,0,1,0,2,4,9,5,0,6,0,26,6,2,0,0,26,35,12,4,11,5,1,0,1,0,7,4,1,0,0,6,6,1,1,4,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,4,1,36,2,12,21,2,8,0,0,0,1,8,2,2,3,5,102,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853573353010257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286310277852646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370888000647418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039678231648465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24290560155849675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191045367929331,0.06731021010071754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796078019011212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850704595743315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099894322758656,0.06294156268395973,0.0,0.2275247619838058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088829136963422,0.0,0.0,0.09470747969978303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518913383801195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708797582273646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255020432909522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224578303939336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092298821598695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355152372256887,0.11260619731106135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476540016040201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624085615587317,0.0,0.0,0.13412026439554767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598936308155363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625223601252377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379235550386554,0.0,0.0,0.18303930857686876,0.0,0.0,0.08296457931037274
suicidewatch,cigsxcoffee,2019/01/11,"It ends tonight. I live in the 24th floor of a condominium and having a balcony makes it so tempting to just jump. I also have potential poisons here that I can drink. I wanna die. I feel like I'm just prolonging my suffering every day. I don't even know where my life is going. My family is broke. I think my girlfriend isn't in love with me anymore. Everything is just falling apart and I just want everything to end. Please, just let this fucking end. I'm so fucking tortured already. :(",1.41,4.02019,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,86.5,6.116666666666667,25.70833333333333,7.492282038375204,1.6496833333333338,384,17,74,7,12,126,66,96,0.248,0.693,0.059,-0.967,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,4,0,3,0,9,6,0,1,0,14,20,5,1,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,3,1,0,3,2,6,0,0,0,1,13,2,7,19,0,13,0,2,0,3,2,5,2,0,6,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774790400914,0.15055023118278674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670181659739926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214111395118884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538257064069856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442163075805554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5002233814948598,0.0,0.0,0.12434294453801766,0.0,0.15861588127555992,0.0,0.3383891493821659,0.0,0.17747333181321384,0.0,0.09518913943380723,0.13449188924462008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34808384562709904,0.0,0.0,0.1069916274448257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346193223601406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250704142242248,0.13297252547872634,0.09197357959126773,0.0,0.16623567888182367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991062011122188,0.0,0.1256639911934022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066512681178184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062842662483407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103972376034002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alreadyexhausted,2019/01/11,"I can't cope with the pain I have Crohn, i honestly know It is not one of the worst diseases, yet i can't deal with the pain. Most of the time when i ponder suicide i disregard it but today i was walking to the train station and just like other times my intestines started hurting, a lot, almost fainting, almost unable to walk or talk.

In that moment, watching the train arrive i had the urge of jumping in front of it to stop the pain. It finally arrived and i got in.

Had to go to a gvt Office and when the guard at the entrance asked me if i needed something, i started blabbing due to the pain as he was looking at me like if i was completely dumb. Got back home after finishing my business and realized that if i don't kill myself is because im scared i would not succeed.

It hurts too much sometimes, doctor says i'm not that bad while looking at medical evidence. She is one of the most expert in the field and doesn't want to start biological medicines on me because It has too many secondary effects and ends up not working and ""probably causing tumors"".

Tried seeking mental health, they focused in other things and not on my disease, i understand they can't do much if my major problem is physical.

I don't know what can i do to stop pain, It is too much, since too long ago i forgot how does It feel to stop suffering all the fucking time and being considered lazy because i can't concentrate or do anything. It destroys me being looked at as if i was just shit since no one can see any different on me compared to others but can see my lack of activity.

I'm sorry for troubling you by writing this and making you read. Jehova witnesses rang the Bell with their propaganda, i opened the door and they judged me saying that i look like i just woke up, It triggered me and i just wanted to cry but pain stopped me from doing it so i just close the door. It scares me that if pain worsens i will probably just suicide",6.307851605758579,5.7180599328165425,6.842620893318568,78.82767441860464,65.95090439276485,9.541971207087485,34.44924326319675,8.841846274778883,2.8077041712809154,1522,62,299,21,21,500,196,387,0.254,0.685,0.061,-0.998,1,0,1,0,0,3,29.0,0,2,4,3,16,26,5,2,19,0,31,14,2,5,1,70,57,30,3,12,22,0,1,3,0,2,11,3,3,0,23,17,0,7,7,1,0,5,13,21,0,3,10,11,48,5,40,43,10,45,0,3,7,1,14,16,3,13,27,219,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792902342421794,0.0,0.1534703543551137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052111911524822925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306103015799737,0.0,0.07163992065763378,0.0,0.0,0.05892473922184295,0.06398393427151719,0.1401411869039736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872145374853746,0.0,0.0,0.0803464596553959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417588427809086,0.0,0.07900350501487123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006339793759047,0.0,0.07843538228316635,0.06706056668607263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787258606769699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874708758889242,0.0,0.0,0.08394584299958395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708444016566117,0.0,0.0,0.04355133352965744,0.0,0.12257810137945628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145548802991064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686744162950053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407078228848232,0.0,0.08277495356120394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478117913186456,0.0,0.08422911635318579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123145465591152,0.0,0.0,0.0678162886964951,0.25740396630017104,0.0,0.0,0.06514919055569958,0.0,0.0,0.05115198753242696,0.07769211003273246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719797232182356,0.07722632611920613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899846754120268,0.05682113765909974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578205552053787,0.0,0.5707877397528186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524300390408805,0.07332580443073815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665203711443737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188057038850053,0.15344259866870566,0.0,0.12213044858113932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866092781439539,0.1267804058243745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899451829591549,0.0757903147581507,0.08578246600132708,0.16272008482051534,0.0,0.0,0.2562687911403602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764440799060645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159333587359282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091043037660959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405298114183944,0.0,0.07263751175476463,0.0,0.0,0.05202762221537678,0.0,0.0,0.07977588542784128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039825190099901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578849878059235,0.0,0.0,0.05443667657392533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InjuredAndUneducated,2019/01/11,"Can't work work due to chronic pain, broke, don't qualify for disability, exhausted all options. I'm fucked, I tried so hard but I failed. Why keep going when nobody cares? I hate this world. I'd rather be dead than homeless. I'm at the end of my rope. After enduring an abusive marriage for a decade I joined the work force in my early 30s. Up until that point I was earning some money here and there through freelance design from home, but it didn't earn enough to support me. I had a few work-from-home customer service rep jobs, but doing desk work strained my shoulder despite taking regular breaks and stretching. I decided to pick up a position in retail, took to the job rather well and was even promoted after a few months despite not having prior experience. My job required constant heavy lifting and unfortunately at the end of last year I ended up with a shoulder injury, rendering me unable to lift more than 10lbs.

After initial recovery I was told that this injury did permanent damage, will flare up when stressed, and to seek work in a different field. I cannot go back to freelance design as it also strains said shoulder and likely caused most of the damage (with my retail job being the final straw, hence why I did not qualify for worker's comp as it couldn't be proven). So I scouted for nearby jobs (no car) that don't require lifting and was offered a position in a assisted living facility. I mentioned my restrictions during the interview and was assured it won't be a problem.

I quickly realized that I was deceived, as now I have to help clients up, support most of their weight, and position them in bed, ultimately going from lifting up to 50lbs in retail to now lifting/moving full grown adults between 150-250lbs. Unsurprisingly, my shoulder quickly seized up again causing excruciating pain. I have taken joy in working directly with people and providing care, but I am unable to fully do my job and I am required to be able to execute these tasks on my own.

I'm at a loss. I know I need physical therapy, but I cannot afford it, my insurance does not cover it. I am thousands in debt due to medical expenses, I can barely keep myself fed and most of my medical debt remains unpaid wrecking my credit.

I have no education beyond a HS degree (abusive parents forced me to take a dead-end job after high school despite graduating with excellence). I have no money to afford an education. I do not qualify for a loan. I do not qualify for disability or social security. I can not lift anything over 10lbs, or preform repetitive desk jobs (data entry, transcription, administrative work). I don't have a car or license, unable to commute far due to living in an area with poor public transportation. Even if I sold all my possessions it would just be a temporary solution. I can not find a single entry-level job that doesn't require some sort of physical labor. I have no family to support me. I have exhausted and investigated all my options for government and social aid to no avail.

​

I am desperate and have even considered suicide at this point, as I do not want to end up on the streets as an outcast begging for change and vulnerable to the world.

I'm just fucked, ain't I?

The biggest frustration I face is that despite my lack of formal education, I am skilled and curious and have attained knowledge in various fields, educating myself in parts of design, engineering, neurochemistry, psychology, aviation, meteorology and social engineering. I am outgoing and have excellent people skills, I'm fluent in 2 languages, I don't shy away from dirty work or dealing with difficult situations, I learn fast and have excelled in every position I worked in so far leading to fast promotions only to be stopped dead in my tracks by my damaged body.

If it wasn't for my abusive upbringing and continuous abuse into my 30s I could have received an education and build savings, contribute to society in some way and secure a future. Instead I was beat down over and over again leaving me broken and broke while my peers are starting to settle down.

​

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired, I'm in pain, I am lost. I wanted to do so much with my life, but it seems that I failed, unable to do physical work at a young age and unable to afford an education to acquire a piece of paper that qualifies me for intellectual work.

​

Please tell me there are options for me, because if I cannot earn a living anymore, It's over for me.",6.879217081850535,7.261053482799529,7.740560142348754,69.59612135231318,64.58718861209964,10.68231553973903,36.432953736654795,10.489458700498233,4.033209081850534,3558,165,607,83,50,1197,370,843,0.198,0.711,0.091,-0.9986,16,0,0,0,1,3,98.0,0,0,2,34,28,39,4,3,36,0,69,20,6,4,4,104,105,54,3,13,26,1,2,1,0,3,10,1,2,1,23,35,2,10,8,0,12,10,28,23,1,1,19,3,84,16,118,74,21,103,0,9,0,2,18,53,2,18,39,433,107,53,0.05512559106918539,0.2612592448545019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044083915261700066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933954730487663,0.0,0.0,0.04536366444517608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179230743299211,0.04238817683253776,0.0,0.03360404865853765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123210450293232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240842804617801,0.1132583341419524,0.05831556595867025,0.0,0.0,0.05957118022078069,0.0,0.044013298858574364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056832063835749076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057594509783326975,0.0,0.0,0.048240776229446884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441245577250428,0.056959471573816575,0.0,0.10922979899809626,0.0,0.04644568802303599,0.0,0.0,0.053923405837261566,0.05196750120806075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603873904986885,0.050383791552948975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019254413230432,0.0,0.0,0.0939874313230883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938170182842904,0.054425108494450994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694952169608625,0.0582432135695632,0.05529546250835552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923327880613221,0.09799631642040776,0.0,0.0,0.060591166385743585,0.044934714236016034,0.0,0.05837004143527043,0.0,0.0,0.03893683522957389,0.02693157929524489,0.0,0.14603072058521124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017609455532447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106646699177257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440007208626075,0.0,0.04052365226765356,0.0408749272839728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041925496062385534,0.17597254662230646,0.0,0.06121044520845769,0.05969564317829393,0.0,0.0764342877762994,0.0,0.0,0.06051134508965377,0.1042230034521309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274774577951875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243706074012994,0.0,0.0,0.0557900411768639,0.0,0.050184267736979066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196347403348965,0.0,0.1685807938969673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039018177088629535,0.0,0.0,0.04608746249440986,0.06314617831982128,0.0,0.0,0.060298449384208225,0.1876676024325068,0.0,0.0,0.08289516803914307,0.0,0.04818219635324842,0.0,0.06304091763051299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633587576319886,0.0,0.05267486462191317,0.0612465600114083,0.03742665779714393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502900373484237,0.04375612830566181,0.0,0.06712811900156841,0.049564526688541014,0.0,0.09948454340548772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815850420918546,0.0,0.0,0.03915963826507442,0.0,0.0,0.03549907328505767
suicidewatch,klusignolo54,2019/01/11,"I feel so lonely and empty I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel like a complete and utter failure in every regard. Nothing is fun or interesting. The only thing that makes me feel any pleasure anymore is self harm. I've talked to so many therapists, I've been on antidepressants for so long and I've noticed little to no improvement. There was a period in my life where I felt completely fine, where I felt like my depression was over,but these past few weeks have been so bad for me. Everyday I think about just ending it. I think about how nice it would be to go to sleep and never wake up again. I know the odds of a nice peaceful death anytime soon are just so low. This will be the 5th time I've tried to kill myself this year alone. It's just a matter of time before one of my attempts finally works. In the meantime I'm just going to get drunk and slit my wrists. I know the odds of actually dying by cutting your wrists are really low, but a man can dream.",3.336716417910445,4.545245358208959,4.430029850746268,87.16832835820898,73.02985074626865,7.549054726368159,23.84776119402985,8.021203637495839,1.1114501492537316,771,21,164,11,15,252,123,201,0.146,0.753,0.101,-0.7999,0,3,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,0,2,17,16,2,0,10,0,16,7,4,2,1,27,31,13,3,1,6,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,10,2,0,2,3,8,0,1,6,5,18,8,22,21,1,25,0,4,0,0,4,10,0,1,15,101,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.13769972097434088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614391842221344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959573506162119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798797310574633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781814627490762,0.0,0.0,0.12007135346973008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29589524445871285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153493804037173,0.0,0.1464464093623508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249785960245324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888842594546195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404326344966415,0.10080660830516723,0.2709689963300186,0.15457542150699155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372239287471577,0.0,0.16038830505452753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561135850435461,0.0,0.2326455491700701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933557877088184,0.13787514867037873,0.1414259184067289,0.0,0.1248749316908106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418977463582637,0.14305998042257684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883013593215536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539562203911554,0.16065083930232166,0.0,0.0,0.0956175078077106,0.10731795449703536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347022497452228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039652368272806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720499461603934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120854061771554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341616826374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638356791363927,0.09374497834997947,0.18083086826330214,0.0,0.0,0.16456082734492933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580214274562997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318723125090906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272731091991162,0.0,0.0,0.10023810502321104,0.0,0.0,0.09086804663739437
suicidewatch,sausageballs94,2019/01/11,"I'm ready Basically I tried to end it last night but people knew what I had planned and somehow managed to find me. I'm not sure now how to do it but I need to do it asap to I don't prolong families suffering.

Will try and keep this short as possible but I'm 24. 8 years ago my on off girlfriend (who was also like my best friend when we weren't together) was stabbed to death. This destroyed me. About 3 years later one of my staff who I had been seeing became pregnant and aborted the baby without telling me. Not long after I tried to overdose twice in a week and failed. 

For the past 3 years I've been in a relationship with a girl and life has been far better. We travelled the world, planned on buying a house and just had great times. There were a lot of bad times too obviously but only a bit more than you would expect.

Last year we went to China for a holiday but a week before it all got too much again and I blanked out and walked to a bridge near me and stood on there. It didn't take long at all for police to turn up and eventually after hours and tons of police closing the large road beneath, they talked me down. The one thing that made me get off that bridge was my girlfriend. 

After China I was in the states and had another meltdown and split up with her. I'm not sure why but I did. We still for the last 6 months have seen eachother a lot, she regularly stays over and recently we started going out and doing things together. The other day I decided to start things officially again with her. When I did she said she couldn't trust me to not hurt her again and she wants to move on and doesn't want anything at all to do with me ever. This was a shock and has absolutely ruined me. Last night I decided to end it, I went for drinks and wanted to be pretty drunk. I made sure I was off the radar, no location on my phone, people tried to trick me by ringing asking where I was so they could join me for a drink pretending they didn't know what I had planned but eventually one friend managed to find me, then shortly after the police turned up. This pissed me off because I was so close, I was having one last drink and heading up the bug building next door.

I've made the decision that I have to end it but now I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. The ex girlfriend still won't see me but called none stop last night, my family are super upset and I feel like I'm extending their pain too much and I just need to get it over with. They keep saying I need help but I'm beyond help now. I've bounced back for the most part from things that have happened before but this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I need her back but I can't and I have accepted defeat. I'm going to end it.",2.673605098605094,3.9500300493827134,3.7330363155363138,91.250579004329,74.78483245149911,6.847667147667147,22.58654000320667,7.348242739294969,0.5942737213403881,2126,55,479,24,44,687,248,567,0.119,0.7659999999999999,0.115,-0.1498,0,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,5,1,5,8,30,27,3,1,28,0,46,8,2,5,9,98,90,44,1,11,20,1,1,2,5,3,2,3,1,1,29,37,4,3,9,7,1,8,16,13,0,5,34,7,65,14,73,50,14,97,0,6,3,0,38,34,1,4,55,329,94,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103494022610453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506254024937178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219945045359011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666099720370382,0.0,0.06436922032332144,0.0,0.0,0.15883348920463536,0.05749023623237836,0.041972775576268564,0.0,0.11717941070995005,0.0,0.07225805303120986,0.06089579122388604,0.07517076408386915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030765956875472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054974337590504206,0.0,0.0,0.044405151048747135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235219939598328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393692267662476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228240908777422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298188969805116,0.0,0.03481466471488453,0.04918933040863143,0.0,0.0,0.12586266595564746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639290040634236,0.0,0.07194677417677679,0.0,0.11739399028966918,0.0,0.05506885506068666,0.07591180747649913,0.0,0.0,0.0608873883877645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066409574757608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230280538867568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780734667957859,0.0794483022552062,0.07370965961993747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240124510621304,0.0,0.0,0.037840372367854966,0.3367513293490397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048633635290426094,0.06727719895659659,0.0,0.0,0.12186729378097134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707446245807696,0.0,0.19545403455926116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495862717991409,0.07318093368825393,0.10123126409227068,0.20421755330967867,0.0,0.0,0.07322703849231811,0.1938445191820518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662908170325904,0.052366589961568566,0.0732655389435838,0.0,0.0,0.07456220110450745,0.06572895944922011,0.09546942512093576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762256955949637,0.0,0.07004929858981034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679850447220499,0.07392345674027452,0.0,0.0,0.06549594677382589,0.05475548560391584,0.0,0.0,0.1097354893855224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747046892934833,0.07338923110732473,0.1099738292773696,0.057565049372885285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595764211190709,0.0,0.05176965906428123,0.055342258490806484,0.06018145417108225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297422328693794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029867331795308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698945763967773,0.14978681816454936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121835666623644,0.0,0.1104610939628994,0.0,0.0,0.12765674507867525,0.06213004950826358,0.0,0.0,0.06637282464537263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891192502574343,0.0,0.0,0.17735894282258508
suicidewatch,God_Of_Wards,2019/01/11,"So i don't know what to do, and who to talk to Just a few days ago, i messed up with a friend really hard, or i believe so. I don't know who to talk to about this, i felt like i had full responsibility for what i did, and for what i got myself into. My mom didn't like that, i began being much more distant to her. All she said was that i wasn't as guilty or responsible for what happened as i think. Didn't hear that, just wanted to fix everyrthing with who i messed up with in the first place. She got fed up, tired of me trying doing this, and decided to kick me out of the house. Not yet, but gave me a couple of days to find a place to live in. I know what she is capable of, and that she doesn't take a step back when it comes to making hard decisions, but this is just too much for me to understand. I want to talk about this with my best friend, but recently i  messed up with him too, treated him like shit, just for doing the same thing that i ended up doing. Don't feel like therapy is helping me, actually don't know how to help myself.",5.598656476267098,3.676807168141597,6.520072405470638,84.91056717618666,68.02654867256639,9.988093322606598,27.182622687047463,8.575989854853784,1.4268371681415934,804,15,197,10,11,270,106,226,0.073,0.768,0.159,0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,14,12,1,0,8,0,19,3,1,2,1,39,40,15,0,2,10,1,4,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,19,12,1,0,11,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,13,6,32,8,41,26,8,24,0,0,0,0,21,12,1,2,14,150,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.12638862795302916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480784227179393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958956901588667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591982811476675,0.13591872334997335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156629651573052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433066445818742,0.0,0.16705380750022644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471245666489024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548702301542264,0.0925260328934338,0.1243553705905553,0.0,0.1183749918277401,0.11016597746361403,0.0,0.0,0.20012699747784488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717105325161086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453029455698828,0.0,0.23204123271417604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597359251293202,0.0,0.17362327026208532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944371404784906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28471373847313525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25309929092036765,0.0,0.11436472473299865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645272698588416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168720764686652,0.0,0.0,0.19041786487912316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27063265446226553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297106573013659,0.0,0.12788111633066998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231990774267222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329459918343003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737967843170747,0.312299410480616,0.0,0.0,0.14811247584419698,0.0,0.08604446768158779,0.08298842281464222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885923003671672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793265005116961,0.0,0.0,0.13483039810678316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527834160235504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VoopityScoop,2019/01/11,"I want to help, please let me. I want everyone here to know, depression is a disease. It screws with your head, and blurs the line between right and wrong, and between true and false. Unlike other mental illnesses, it can be cured, and many people can help cure it. You can even cure it yourself, as was the case for me. I wanted to do it for years, until I really found out and took in what I was doing. That wasn't what I wanted, and I don't think it's what you REALLY want, either. When the going gets rough, push on, don't give up. Why submit when you can resist? Why get beat when you can fight back? Anyone purposefully pushing you down is below you, and you know it. They know it too. Don't let them win, there's too much on the line. Your friends. Your family. Everyone. If you are really on the edge, get a doctor. You can never truly be beyond saving. I hope I helped at least one of you. And please, if you need to, talk to me. Thank you
",0.7665733922434939,2.939810659793814,2.428321060382917,94.10678694158078,84.15463917525773,5.55090819833088,14.908198330878744,6.868970318607317,-0.4110605792832596,724,11,161,9,21,237,106,194,0.098,0.777,0.125,0.3574,0,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,0,15,2,2,12,10,2,0,7,0,21,4,1,0,2,30,40,16,0,9,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,13,11,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,4,0,1,5,1,29,6,23,31,3,22,0,1,0,1,24,11,1,4,7,118,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265994645740178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189846969558916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413790370332455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563819764314608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752715336193301,0.0,0.0,0.2532540202236356,0.0,0.0,0.1249265536455024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529958557865322,0.10238338708199632,0.0,0.2077061834495152,0.12712372444783895,0.07531326058426119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600210991695166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664728703730198,0.0,0.0,0.131620672132509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184859408852446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27101808470814565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343528579728038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354737849807136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741627173217747,0.09826071443483572,0.10220635954837796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979789741517014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187157290872904,0.0,0.0,0.2909308172520553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546840410233435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316998949650375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651327017903847,0.0,0.12200513827344565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491243983507536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723281833841328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908139286449981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391544880883403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488806726790968,0.0,0.08533750478700126
suicidewatch,paininthemembran,2019/01/11,"it won’t leave my mind my body is not well, i have been dying lately due too unknown illness / health.

now its 4am and reality dawns upon me.",0.6829999999999998,2.6039266333333337,3.256666666666668,89.525,82.66666666666666,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.12300000000000022,109,3,24,1,3,38,29,30,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.5739,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012761844345748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37492875584308105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840003476285196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407514745297657,0.3825200473276511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647675843950558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324814316188184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Noizyx,2019/01/11,"I’m worthless and everything i do is as well I can’t care about anything anymore. I tried to connect with life, meet people online that enjoy the same thing that i used to but it backfires :

1. People bore me eventually, whether it’s in a span of 3 days or 3 weeks, it always happens.
2. i tried to reconnect with things i used to enjoy but i can’t find my passion back, i get bored, and i feel horrible to be surrounded by people who cares and are enthusiastic about it because i can’t be like that.

I simply want to die. Going on seems pointless, I don’t have anything i want to do. I’m tired, I have been fighting anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts for over 4 years now. I’ve lost my will to fight. Everyday is awful, i just want it to stop.",1.5952164502164483,3.6531157077922094,3.5854285714285723,87.64290476190477,80.23376623376623,6.704069264069265,25.201731601731602,7.793537801064563,1.4234048484848487,585,23,123,10,15,198,96,154,0.278,0.5579999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,3,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,2,0,2,1,15,3,0,2,0,22,31,9,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,1,18,7,20,25,1,13,0,3,0,1,4,5,0,2,8,79,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476268645491546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389803006258047,0.0,0.16061959877573914,0.0,0.0,0.266556566650664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453631139871447,0.0,0.0987285743505909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302555581549108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044500202017662,0.0,0.13949486739553071,0.0,0.16808765268606748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455581161297181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189122988897038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802739875024526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461678249857314,0.0,0.09204491196573954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321962197928886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439628215640668,0.07912488330937703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767971498256984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368454947350336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744119849503595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540479939619934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715662787381548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519644531489968,0.0,0.0,0.12857718726362186,0.0,0.18614780252205088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199187725602017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797607857093687,0.0,0.0,0.2865824693663398,0.0,0.12991357109976054,0.0,0.14562040151903574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429614990187937
suicidewatch,DarkRellen,2019/01/11,"Everything in my life is shit. Always has been, always will be. It's insanely hard to imagine how I've made it to 21, but somehow I have. I'm a short, unattractive, and deformed guy who is diagnosed with low level Asperger's. Everyone constantly leaves me, including my parents. I've had 4 in my lifetime. One moved and left us in financial shambles, the other 3 committed suicide either directly or indirectly. Growing up I was bullied and physically and mentally abused by one of my parents. Almost all my friends have left due to me being depressed, including my former best friend, and I feel like I'm pissing off the 2 roommates I have.

 I have no hope of ever getting a gf either, and I don't get sleep or downtime anymore. I can't do any of my hobbies. All my life is is loneliness, college, and work. I'm so stressed it's literally causing me to break out in hives, and I can't take my meds for them because it will put me to sleep which I can't do because of work and school. I have literally nothing to live for, and the closest I ever get to physical human contact is the shitty drawings and 3D models I attempt to make of female characters, which again I can't do due to work and school. 

So I have nothing to live for, am in constant physical and emotional discomfort, and have little to no human contact. All I am is a cash cow to help pay for rent and stuff, and all my ""friends"" see me as subhuman due to deformities autism. I can't do this anymore. This won't get better, and I'm sick of people telling me to just ""hang in there."" I need to find some kind of reason to stay alive, but there isn't one anymore.",5.126564417177916,5.362338865030676,6.367613496932517,78.44203374233129,68.32515337423312,9.46478527607362,34.704907975460124,9.3871,3.1543477300613487,1274,60,250,24,20,431,165,326,0.183,0.72,0.096,-0.9862,3,0,0,0,1,1,42.0,1,0,1,6,10,14,2,2,7,0,35,8,4,5,7,47,50,25,1,2,7,2,2,1,4,3,4,0,1,3,11,19,0,0,4,0,3,4,10,6,0,3,4,3,35,8,39,41,8,31,0,2,1,0,16,16,2,7,10,171,46,7,0.0,0.11713238515568493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899354560321286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645181077287698,0.0,0.0,0.0672278748775986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941262876602628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205277117739287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037469844383492,0.0874332263247764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155597612780767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21366407698790268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514757395203036,0.10034034859992208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120367246515372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884822121131047,0.0,0.09446452368571448,0.08884857693244765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998635206571928,0.07062527264930453,0.0,0.0,0.09035582539588848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291358980715984,0.0,0.20660011023777533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788648383778782,0.0,0.0,0.08855872673798809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626346346571754,0.0,0.0,0.09818982608222122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294699437948217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467797499387238,0.21482235139546613,0.0,0.1396548285483663,0.04829777595994052,0.09908322693405744,0.17458956389135075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354328378722396,0.06598950828991239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098106587963986,0.0,0.09962716080997293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105072042077578,0.0,0.07330309369152897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971678311181836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096934137066133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195436321558967,0.0,0.0,0.06853675505262939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938113939873744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164406858425157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010225765198866,0.07877825122617897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147789359718673,0.0,0.0,0.1978618634077257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537111225990843,0.0,0.0,0.113243265082329,0.0,0.11317051738868228,0.1081362874105382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433006824859781,0.0,0.0864075923367009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891585019056528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159127600132762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThornedPrince,2019/01/11,"Just tired This is no different from any other post but I just feel dead and empty. I just relapsed into self injury again and I'm way too old to be doing this. It's been six years since I stopped. There's no reason for me to have done this or feel this way. Me and my boyfriend got into a minor argument and then I saw he was ignoring me and it sent me spiraling. I feel like an idiot for being so upset. 

I've been taking Vicodin lately after surgery and I feel like that's part of what's made me so emotional lately. Idk. I just have no will to live right now and wish I could end things. I feel like I'm going to lose the only man I've ever loved because I'm so insecure in our relationship and I'm always getting worked up with him. I haven't been this low in over a year. It feels idiotic. I never used to care about relationships this much. I wish I could go back to being a shitty, selfish person. Things were easier back then. ",0.5722981079833858,2.772853984771576,2.7570950622981094,91.24461352099678,85.29441624365481,5.612275034610062,17.583987078910933,6.980632752743323,0.08443350253807091,733,17,159,10,22,248,119,197,0.29100000000000004,0.59,0.119,-0.9915,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,15,13,2,2,5,0,17,3,0,3,2,34,40,15,1,4,6,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,14,11,0,2,7,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,10,7,21,5,19,24,2,30,0,2,1,1,10,8,0,1,19,109,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060852783360306,0.0,0.0,0.08222435346712992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859478358773074,0.0,0.0737068752621403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327791315568022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307689747794896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632737773712455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373502680555575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600980379441613,0.1070922049155724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937188915030244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668206518442532,0.2591388196905744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317156581800333,0.0,0.13743423095894922,0.0,0.09670442745468208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727881617627701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721458886377878,0.0,0.10676757252264396,0.0,0.0,0.1352696775878685,0.0,0.0,0.10912786338718912,0.11440992363064699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888428335552437,0.0,0.0932548419406809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268768772723797,0.0,0.0,0.09195907731161107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093598840263138,0.0,0.0,0.10557575523445137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580033933537895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431774525560065,0.0,0.2596286249881611,0.0,0.10325824664491204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613765836289406,0.0,0.0,0.10001971330723478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108790413148576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091082852218978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065721252447493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897063693123418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044292063931509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919487454473868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780858253146454,0.0,0.0,0.08802542660425962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572681691606538
suicidewatch,Arielcinderellaauror,2019/01/11,"Existence Always thought id go this way one way or another one day. Death never scared me just the process of dying I don't want it to be long and drawn out, just over. 

I don't care about doing things I've never done, they only seem possible in another life anyway not mine. 

I wish i could just check out not just die but to have never existed everyone would be better off. 

I don't mean to mess up but I always do. The road to hell is paved with good intentions I don't know how other people avoid this but I've hurt someone I love and just feel like an utter failure I don't know how other people manage. ",2.55890625,3.8452583281250017,4.152000000000001,88.09300000000002,75.09375,7.307500000000001,21.39375,7.908726449838941,0.8066443750000007,478,11,103,7,10,160,82,128,0.175,0.665,0.161,-0.2647,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,1,2,3,0,14,2,0,3,3,33,25,8,3,4,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,0,1,1,10,5,0,2,2,1,12,5,13,19,0,15,1,1,0,1,2,7,1,2,6,69,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25302441088531713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31886131366681103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446994308432886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501827739183505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139420308565026,0.0,0.0,0.0980553502001941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155938814874876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559308409290654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528388871664738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687766081400729,0.1086197638205646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640971116627902,0.12752670630159538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276549716576175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167118042686647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739267916634633,0.0742806763221599,0.0,0.0,0.13455353587835886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722501431680095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656197266001037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517954981401171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060569498329634,0.11563578089926235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081536021278072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140597569952626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222186735725446,0.0,0.0,0.13841450987218298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882579459700033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101081247484812,0.0,0.0,0.12070539671065746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896790775807422,0.2413697888380154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748422913069761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800719790593366,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rock_light,2019/01/11,"16 going on 17 I’m only about to turn 17 and I can’t stand it. My first attempt was when I was 10 but this has been going on much longer than that. Happiness is only fleeting for me and hope only gets you hurt. My mom finally cut me off,all my friends have left because I’m too negative,I’m getting hate on the internet near daily...There’s pretty much no positive influence in my life. The only person who ever made me happy was my brother,who I lost to drugs and eventually suicide when I was only 7. 
The only things that keep me alive are my fear of pretty much becoming a vegetable and taking care of my rabbits (no pun intended there) I constantly talk about wanting to die publicly and nobody really gives a damn anymore because they’re so used to it. My family has been getting on my ass about my alcohol and drug problem,saying things like “you’re killing yourself slowly” but fuck,that’s what I want! Nothing eases the pain anymore. 
I guess I’m asking either what the most effective method is or how to get out of this rut,I really don’t mind either. ",3.4314664457332253,5.053519619718312,4.974404860535767,81.7148301574151,73.46009389671363,7.828666114333058,27.083402375034517,8.4952907291091,2.0292603700635192,841,31,159,15,17,283,132,213,0.192,0.612,0.196,-0.1306,0,0,4,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,4,10,14,4,1,7,0,14,7,1,6,1,26,37,13,3,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,11,7,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,8,0,22,6,20,29,6,17,0,2,0,1,9,8,2,4,7,99,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212961090264263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810867883159329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980878205988892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279188425798236,0.11587800413210862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069748779231637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133833083981726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088923755102944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24335220564537566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490787271280393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891103708736863,0.1180663165693272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493682171308085,0.0,0.08924652137758589,0.0,0.0,0.08106240587997156,0.09699861329186037,0.2192694658308184,0.1006506547777268,0.11925907652842235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558331070416175,0.0,0.0,0.2233826442424177,0.0,0.1035886621376304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421112888221973,0.0,0.0,0.11232107260100097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325941273448203,0.11608054576987427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139979600804482,0.0,0.07410944655656768,0.05125954445699203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453465689074666,0.0,0.0,0.09927964629098697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594121724435993,0.12288327060351832,0.0,0.0,0.23138902463178976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067540052179397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787870341500713,0.11164430769678704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161376307196888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134866011625724,0.0,0.10039609597899626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443132193605645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343811252869966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476753787859875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888821715187201,0.08433225530955869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941090709069634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412490686080005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906188409550105,0.0,0.0,0.12377131958721035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gatonato,2019/01/11,"I have decided that I want to die. I am going to jump of a bridge into a cold river. I tried to do it 2 times already but I couldn't, for a reason that I don't know. It's not like that I'm scared to jump, it's something else that I can't explain. However I feel ready to do it now, today. ",-1.4038865546218489,0.09002554411764763,2.080924369747901,97.44558823529414,87.6764705882353,5.0621848739495805,17.067226890756302,6.18269132825596,-0.5170949579831934,219,5,58,2,7,80,42,68,0.154,0.7709999999999999,0.075,-0.6772,1,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,13,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,2,8,1,8,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717536007844685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496265077264505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814186073024855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033579957820333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145571141191595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513951337465592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645817297323318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34636701777951784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33727396509001023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593453874852368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643645625624465,0.0,0.31932125519714843,0.0,0.0,0.2287182645631773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869956009858467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSacredRing,2019/01/11,"Despite my underlings wanting to help me, it's time. Hello, guys. We've been through this before. I'm ready to go because it's been awful for me and I have had the worst people try to tell me that it wasn't. I will help if I can but I doubt I will make it more than tonight. But I will try. So try me.",-1.7213398692810458,0.17096379411764673,0.7184313725490199,103.36905228758171,94.88235294117644,3.610457516339869,16.37908496732026,5.033348758259628,-1.068034640522876,230,6,60,1,9,77,46,68,0.121,0.794,0.085,-0.5187,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,9,0,0,1,0,7,13,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,11,0,6,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615909502773706,0.0,0.25985907238859696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355661849833287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023779175509326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093845709215493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384601953810105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171463572902588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669188513774693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807171614890568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6220065459575764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012324361335444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thegilmonster,2019/01/11,I wish it were easier Sometimes I wish it were easier to “pull the trigger;” I’m just so tired of this life and death seems easier to deal with than all this bullshit that never seems to go away.,3.2524166666666687,4.470580075000001,4.359999999999999,87.55166666666668,73.25,8.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.0805833333333332,153,3,33,3,3,50,29,40,0.221,0.528,0.251,-0.0878,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,10,8,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,7,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487478831446333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27295280466453903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046748408900515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700567361743328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419689255034748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820495932870965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261851407424916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042991830402901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6089148853811754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryandylanB,2019/01/11,"I'm really tired Years of a toxic relationship that keeps ""ending,"" countless failures in life, I have lost any hope an ambition I even quit a 3 year opiate addiction, for nothing. I am so fucking tired. And even the couple friends I had that I left behind when I moved, and then stayed for this girl...I can't even tell them where I'm at. I want so badly to ask for advice but all I am to the person next to me is a burden. And even as I write this it sounds so fucking self indulgent and dramatic. What the fuck what the fuck how do I get out of this....I feel like I have before but I don't fucking remember",1.2346614583333313,3.061402726562502,3.2278125000000024,90.91927083333336,80.328125,6.4541666666666675,20.822916666666664,7.492282038375204,0.6015135416666668,471,13,105,7,12,159,81,128,0.188,0.746,0.067,-0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,10,11,5,0,8,0,9,9,0,1,1,15,23,13,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,2,14,3,13,21,1,13,0,1,0,5,8,5,5,1,7,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407620110495254,0.0,0.1261764988335526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878073702697895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071161573658215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781145506859384,0.0,0.0,0.10987328980225212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287100856618604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436374375128387,0.0,0.0,0.3411353848497883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528794986100643,0.09224476420254557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997593170030816,0.596855922742409,0.06746090223161487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282472550445106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476954350794903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029140282622538,0.0,0.09120266900178713,0.0630824744147159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095188787662452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723622411844344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732268446958412,0.0,0.0,0.12389601672983767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274432744661292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373371135506957,0.0,0.0,0.08271884306036759,0.0,0.0,0.1386286777924332,0.14627002599839425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470237959684933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762684432299924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285829677412434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968134295766158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615948584645298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630063597095948
suicidewatch,slinkydoge,2019/01/11,Getting my ducks in a row I’ve decided that I’m just better off dead. I wrote my letter of resignation at work. I’m working on my suicide note now. Finally feeling at peace ,0.9941666666666648,3.2878200833333366,3.9811111111111153,82.55000000000003,84.27777777777777,6.933333333333335,28.44444444444445,8.07648339933343,2.3117444444444444,137,7,27,3,4,49,29,36,0.251,0.569,0.18,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,4,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,14,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663730089016972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094587032887234,0.0,0.0,0.4537937820702727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164300324057316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531254153071415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6031620614684464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mercyme2121,2019/01/11,"Just want to send this out into the void I'm about to head back to college, and it just makes me think about how now would be the perfect time to kill myself. My cat is staying here with me, so my parents would already have him, the roommates in the city I live in could just get rid of my stuff, they wouldn't have to worry about transporting my body. I hate school. I hate it. It was always the only thing I was truly good at, and now it feels like it's killing me.

Being home has been incredible, not just because there isn't school, but if feels like out there I have to always have my guard up, and here I can just relax. If I don't respond to my family's texts, they will just see me later, I don't have to worry about fucking up relationships, I don't have to pretend to be something else.... Help.",5.3976190476190435,4.453609714285719,5.737619047619045,87.17404761904764,67.92857142857143,8.419047619047621,27.595238095238088,6.937597516519254,1.100888095238096,624,15,142,4,9,200,93,168,0.059,0.789,0.151,0.9154,1,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,2,1,19,10,5,0,5,0,24,3,2,2,1,29,35,8,2,7,10,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,1,3,2,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,3,23,5,24,24,0,16,0,0,1,1,8,8,1,2,7,106,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412866479673016,0.0,0.2475126774585824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436517290497845,0.0,0.09066520719501492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520692188483324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874982389465485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424589881051665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021061308155638,0.0,0.1504060070587591,0.2125073108486144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749967079709602,0.07770595461214345,0.0,0.0,0.1247487403043048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936826921304249,0.15264120121292987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969144118237754,0.0,0.14918959962851094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290982476477181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453251804092948,0.0,0.13133244422649545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927928363933697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311683975568265,0.0,0.0,0.16514848415189234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968173250182172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010479894322887,0.1185195730468922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450060491497703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852775407091546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702617307903026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988104529536808,0.09530099806731768,0.0,0.0,0.08672640484101454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772556183950983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020876667933121,0.0,0.2113088665631822,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FunPage1,2019/01/11,"My Story of Chronic Suicidality and Self Harm Hi everyone, I just discovered this subreddit and dont have anyone in my life to talk to so i decided I'de just post my story here to vent. I don't expect anyone to see this, care, nor sympathize because I know other have it worse off, but writing at least fills some time that I wish I didnt have.

I've been chronically suicidal for 2 years. I'm a 20 year old female. Last christmas I attempted suicide and did so again in the summer. I've been cutting since Dec of 2017.  I've also coped by getting black-out drunk, pills, drinking bleach, and burning myself with a curling rod.

Sadness and emotional pain is so much more difficult to deal with than anger and physical pain are. I wish people who judged people who are suicidal would take one look at this subreddit. See that these people aren't sadistic, arent looking for attention, aren't going through a phase. They have stories. They have pain.

When I was 17 I was sexually assaulted. I was tutoring a boy who was younger than me but taller and much bigger. I moved on and gave up tutoring and got a part time job while I wrapped up my last year of high school. I worked the night shift, 11-7am and was harassed by a customer who would try to sneak in to the back room where I worked. He would threaten me when he came through the drive thru and I did my best to hide. I had to leave that job as well. I decided to put off going to University for a year and got a full time job which started in September. I've never had a boyfriend, nor any friends for that matter. I always kept to myself and just did what I needed to get to University.

When i started this job everything was fine. It wasnt glamorous but it wasnt in customer service anymore and it was as secluded as an entry level job could be. Then my manager started to get friendlier and friendlier with me. I liked him, he was so much older but we were just having fun. I had never flirted or been interested in a guy before. They had let me down so many times and I honestly started to hate them all. It was super casual until he drove me to my apartment one night after a late working day. After that we were very close. We'de spend most of the working day together, open up to eachother, and I finally thought I had a friend in someone. When it got closer to the winter I started having anxiety about submitting my applications for University. I was still upset about things that happened to me in the past and was questioning my boss's intentions. I really liked him, he had a girlfriend, and I knew deep down he was a womanizer who just wanted attention. But I played into it. I always have played into what a man wants me to do. I hated myself. I hated that I had developed feelings for someone whose heart I suspected wasnt in the right place. But for a brief moment my boss made me feel like I was special in some way. He was charming and I was vulnerable as fuck. He noticed one day that I had marks on my arms, even though I did my best to hide them. He hugged me for a long time. He just held me and I began to cry. I told him everything about myself. I told him that I was sexually assaulted and how much it affected me. He told me he had a friend who committed suicide and he wanted to help me through this.

He listened, he seemed to give a shit. When i left that job in August to leave for school I was in a really dark place. I attempted suicide again and then was just angry at myself for failing twice at it. So I decided to change my mindset. Focus on the big picture and forget the past. I would suffer through school, go to work on the breaks like I was promised and if I cut so be it. It was a crutch that at least brought some relief. I wanted to be a lawyer. University to me right now feels so useless. My degree doesn't matter, the classes are useless, everyone in this place simply cares about having sex, partying and getting loaded. That isn't me. I have no friends here and everyday I want to die. I planned to attempt suicide once again in the winter, on the date of my birthday. The thought of making it to 20 years old made me sick.

When the winter break this past December came up I desperately needed money and when I went back to my job which was secured for me to come back on the winter and summer breaks I was declined. They told me they didnt need anyone and ""they'll see how the summer goes"". Yet I found out later that right after that they let someone else who was a student come back. Then a co-worker told me that my boss had been telling people I sexually assaulted him. This broke me. This right now, is killing me. You can't trust anyone in life. He told people my story. Claimed it happened to him. Claimed I grabbed him by the dick and initiated sex. Thats what happened to me and he knows that. I was grabbed and forced into sex acts. The betrayal and pain from that is unbearable.

I'm a self-harmer, I prefer physical pain. The assault I felt I could semi-deal with. It was an isolated incident. But after I was emotionally hurt by someone I genuinely cared about, I couldnt cope. I havent spoken to a single person in person since September. I can't trust anyone. I can't sit too close to people in class because Im so socially anxious to let anyone anywhere near me. 

My birthday came and went, I took prescription sleeping pills and slept the whole day because I was too weak to try to commit suicide again.

Now i'm just so lost. I have no money to pay the school, no money to pay residence, no support system, and am too cowardly to off myself.",2.8844997370003043,4.780955003606851,4.1414621844003605,85.94588428952507,75.60955816050495,7.217767508265705,25.889324090772465,8.07648339933343,1.5893397129546138,4365,159,876,72,96,1431,413,1109,0.214,0.6729999999999999,0.113,-0.9993,8,0,1,0,0,7,119.0,3,1,9,14,55,64,14,1,51,0,97,26,6,10,5,135,180,79,10,20,17,0,6,4,5,5,13,1,1,7,57,56,2,3,19,5,6,19,25,31,1,4,82,12,142,33,134,83,18,166,0,8,5,6,74,64,3,8,80,610,199,30,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03279481511371242,0.06824540612896235,0.0,0.0,0.027887468969511282,0.0,0.031371708306764695,0.04632840208014161,0.04066982500526384,0.17204632440697867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613329954729754,0.0,0.07499596324102263,0.0,0.03489556685872687,0.0,0.086072654073107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407098241740936,0.12543396814167032,0.0,0.04338199528134064,0.07065109949193793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548456461014675,0.0,0.045046368327292086,0.10578943231786334,0.042278391448668635,0.0,0.0,0.04256078008159296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048062143847201484,0.04017312518329285,0.0,0.0,0.034257686964743614,0.09225902115198456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027086002092337698,0.0,0.0,0.07837155280607694,0.07371233842212374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220601995838096,0.02929677760983402,0.03937499018223374,0.04492326271039273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449641594389022,0.12673354634333,0.03791208180727094,0.08570186360707663,0.03933948876575098,0.06991893562437987,0.0,0.09839572849672423,0.0,0.0,0.04060527401068408,0.10879214630619873,0.0,0.0,0.12146344262007555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859576262072412,0.027487411800195084,0.04332817104159888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043900892483036184,0.0,0.04429666618142072,0.0,0.2848651477561079,0.0,0.0453702893073156,0.0,0.04507485524705679,0.06685547945592428,0.04625984319506024,0.08684504113056885,0.04455630695902568,0.12580318439772578,0.05793161995193057,0.08013953919153607,0.0,0.0,0.03629159996846521,0.06887432175085174,0.0,0.04476607586898436,0.0,0.0,0.07760725528427052,0.027373769706372942,0.04157660397242634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043585987484159296,0.12058508650702103,0.09122277423227897,0.06325720790050486,0.0,0.0,0.07696817883315142,0.0,0.0,0.04668892239311703,0.08606391728690073,0.043673156893586015,0.08336610790541223,0.0,0.21818188853798304,0.0,0.0,0.044408659473745664,0.1174429510330374,0.17058251208574898,0.07161480690049993,0.12853676598571714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03927520538261497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122528707300354,0.045939370977641295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525427230527947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400855599458028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601284842512387,0.09803638924519156,0.03733297671681903,0.08556248569076913,0.0,0.04209506270926169,0.06784599777509898,0.0,0.04103853190420624,0.041803425238389286,0.13898688496333936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451316082180434,0.0,0.03274977309587036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588567825629008,0.04653643162191914,0.0,0.0,0.030833601025742712,0.03296141309430392,0.035843599911602644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02724450141645401,0.0,0.04029105151632787,0.06511299673935418,0.1195631428105384,0.0,0.0,0.2351146584182308,0.04556241431826872,0.0556847238043704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033836650299538334,0.12094060508538118,0.03255096851895906,0.0,0.0,0.03687194023715857,0.0760313515125419,0.0,0.04578498992841694,0.09431645853467606,0.0,0.0,0.1791298745038319,0.0,0.0417915886447363,0.11652622859827612,0.0,0.0,0.13204198608273732
suicidewatch,jysnkai,2019/01/11,"emotionally drained im a thirteen year old transgender guy. i believe i am diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria, and i suspect that i may have bipolar disorder and borderline pd

bipolar disorder runs in my family

the reason i suspect the bpd is due to my obsession with a specific person. i idealize him over everyone else. he is going to remain anonymous but i cant take it anymore. ive loved him for a year. he rejected me back around february of 2018. i still am not over him, and he knows it. he blocked me. it feels like this is the end

i know i may be young and naive but this pain is so unbearable. i hope none of you think im immature or fake for being so young

i have sixty mg of ability in front of me right now",2.3143872549019626,4.778226954248368,4.721074346405231,78.24670955882355,80.1111111111111,9.576633986928103,29.82393790849673,9.827888789773867,3.676268300653596,616,31,115,22,16,215,96,153,0.213,0.6829999999999999,0.104,-0.9028,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,1,6,9,0,1,6,0,14,5,0,1,0,25,22,10,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,0,1,22,4,15,18,2,19,0,2,0,1,11,6,0,4,11,77,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692752184102228,0.0,0.13861927947937686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244294182586888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747837677774494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747860363730332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760417678835588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038803581148284,0.14186872179575524,0.0,0.0,0.6407772144677197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676410909238415,0.15722810506198934,0.1237991966464184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356103917649306,0.0,0.0,0.13176746660050853,0.0,0.07067445921551953,0.0998553154044088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943737547401164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839926347593534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388281515263049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019620541082869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363341140945455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828702348179642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615242939226864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466703901718137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873049579470998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204617220896748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371201903696645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936711912725788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162452626917026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509343370397672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956220077667049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002108412756582
suicidewatch,jwiley0316,2019/01/11,"Destiny? For so many years, I've always had this weird acceptance that one day I'd commit suicide. Today I'm successful by many accounts. I've accomplished so many goals, and i'm so proud. But I can just feel that I won't be around much longer. I really want to live, but I just know that I won't make it six more months. I want to change this feeling, and the outcome. But I don't see a future past a few months. How do I get past that? ",0.7782860520094559,2.571365882978725,2.4173758865248267,96.33388888888894,81.65957446808511,5.879905437352246,18.955082742316783,6.937597516519254,-0.019220803782506124,339,8,81,4,9,111,59,94,0.049,0.7659999999999999,0.185,0.8290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,1,17,17,9,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,8,3,5,13,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,46,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594460581447307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058549393893122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027121980633232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235812703977278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378114440882047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011534184428107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531123482518884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920701398764892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791013853723754,0.5828282948675649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305904013647106,0.0,0.1408652816737087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984900662048768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658525247099474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275888664399053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269907731078255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960494875666308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163662136612468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260489471078871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339921694192413
suicidewatch,debashis80,2019/01/11,"Wondering how long to a meaningless life I wonder how long can I take this and survive. Quite frustrating actually. I seem to have no purpose in life but calculated last night that I need to live for the next fucking 30 years. 
I wonder how long do I need to live.",3.91,5.442655384615384,5.1376923076923084,81.38230769230772,72.07692307692308,9.046153846153846,28.384615384615394,9.516144504307137,2.5134076923076925,208,8,42,5,4,69,36,52,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.5642,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,0,2,0,3,3,0,3,0,11,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,11,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,7,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.17152022434692302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249090488061546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327104758115788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829449870473164,0.0,0.0,0.3104055097562737,0.4666365947736164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606534280386981,0.0,0.0,0.1869269149376281,0.1649425253035463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869465561471485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600088647054844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215258810820385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5718253965461932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131861970012038
suicidewatch,VitaminB36,2019/01/11,"I don’t have any reason to be suicidal, but I am. I had a good family growing up. Not perfect, but pretty good. I’m at a good college (1 year left) and my financial status is good (not horrible, anyway). I have a good brain and good hobbies and good passions, and though I’m on the introverted side of things, I can be good at socializing when I need to. Lots of people care about me.

So why the hell do I feel so suicidal?

Maybe it’s the perfectionist in me, the part that’s never satisfied with just being good. I don’t know how to turn him off, and the anxiety seems to be slowly killing me

Maybe it’s my dad dying a year and a half ago. That certainly wasn’t good.

Maybe it was the time I spent in Mexico as a Mormon missionary, feeling ashamed for not being so goddamn perfect, and having to go to the hospital at 1 in the morning to pump my stomach and get rid of all the pills I took.

Maybe it’s something else. I don’t fucking know. I’m just tired and I want out. I want it all to stop.",1.3214586466165414,3.0257067047619053,3.6110025062656654,88.85943609022556,79.57142857142857,7.087719298245614,23.43358395989975,8.032893268588372,1.1905238095238104,768,26,172,14,19,265,111,210,0.223,0.551,0.226,-0.6447,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,10,19,3,1,15,0,18,6,2,2,6,36,36,18,4,3,7,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,6,0,1,3,8,4,0,1,5,2,20,15,25,26,4,22,2,0,0,2,3,12,2,2,7,115,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016382810223427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061497870968440775,0.0,0.06918136857877738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009536775275182,0.0,0.0,0.09220296514143332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938556799340782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755455726347316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852526413838973,0.0,0.09145177458361044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360429975475751,0.04724776346344845,0.0,0.05139543362623758,0.7585131671929625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005125243429433,0.0,0.09939975674863916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825624617250524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768833151051138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634103635022231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705528332759045,0.06974787876128392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793065169103787,0.0,0.06269519193483675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200336577759002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298068436467184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232724839636013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921855495082736,0.0,0.06962011501495881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560644289204915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783910951483732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007998913563482,0.0,0.08885043996078912,0.0,0.05273249241214741,0.1039399878263024,0.0,0.0,0.10047492943224358,0.0,0.09836566316639056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668002513268264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160215427938702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647239886001227
suicidewatch,PLEASEINEEDYOURHEL4,2019/01/11,"I NEED YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW Allow me to explain, there is man who private messaged me earlier saying he was suicidal, I tried my best to help him, and we said goodbye to each other, however I recently saw that he private messaged me again with some worrying words via a notification. But when I clicked on it, I had been signed out of reddit. I must of forgotten some weird specification in my username cause I can’t even reset the password.
If there’s anyone reading this in the next few minutes if you seen any posts by the username of something along the lines of Inject liquid sleep, please tell me what the exact username is, so I might be able to help this man in time. This is the last chance I got, thank you if for taking the time to read this, sorry you thought I was the one in immediate danger.",6.307018284106892,6.182105594936711,6.6414767932489465,78.71484528832632,65.83544303797468,9.30070323488045,32.745428973277065,8.841846274778883,2.5663015471167374,636,24,124,9,9,206,107,158,0.091,0.78,0.129,0.7549,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,4,0,1,7,4,1,0,9,0,11,1,1,2,2,22,20,7,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,9,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,5,22,2,19,8,5,16,0,0,3,0,20,7,0,6,8,88,31,2,0.1761551229331226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979152421107946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317175776545558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848639336108808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809598354141614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634879733879565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408873438863475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542191971343341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358993630155936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868727478687971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061679160145245,0.0,0.0,0.18734297167567415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936727022989807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933654265899572,0.0,0.0,0.16870791399643786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524055860222597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739319323840819,0.0,0.0,0.15043551248964726,0.16756386102665524,0.1400856241053407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628234005619156,0.0,0.0,0.13561281979456508,0.0,0.1971912380912991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926851133554446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244672967016666,0.0,0.15396734179488505,0.16217997000965614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984749089072632,0.2054349375685543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195977653456338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889407811173694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,livbrenn,2019/01/11,soon. i think i’m going to do it soon. i have everything i need. and i’m not too worried about leaving people behind because they don’t really care. or they shouldn’t at least. they’ll get over it quickly. plus i’ve hurt them all in so many ways. some they don’t even know. i’ll be gone soon so don’t worry. ,-1.406470588235294,0.6005407058823522,0.9443529411764722,100.40358823529414,97.8235294117647,3.896470588235295,14.152941176470588,5.6839178017228535,-1.0043635294117648,240,5,58,2,10,80,47,68,0.103,0.813,0.084,-0.2954,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,10,17,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,7,13,3,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618709845544286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779550566771599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006345549628586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501398035323166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243310669246995,0.0,0.1549366730735272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29184618582388105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982525224857654,0.0,0.0,0.28866604501797244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763946836286153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214485563705467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189000924220842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464785393240034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468438929003088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163936874586841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537192753066968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,just-4-confession,2019/01/11,i wonder if i'll make if through 2019 without finally killing myself i hope i stop pussying out of it last minute,3.16,5.145793043478268,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,75.08695652173913,6.339130434782609,33.23913043478261,7.1686216300943375,2.1495391304347837,92,5,18,1,2,29,19,23,0.08900000000000001,0.65,0.261,0.6388,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047582600235909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36698696355774507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40878596630844427,0.0,0.0,0.3011836841868856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466374597069228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089102041682853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35617519720369506,0.4006961689075162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heple1,2019/01/11,"I feel unwanted I've been extremely lonely for a long while now and I'm having the worst depression since 2015. I feel hopeless. I don't have anyone i trust enough to reach out to, I just feel like I have no options.",0.968,3.2551542444444483,2.6044444444444466,92.42000000000004,84.33333333333334,6.2666666666666675,20.11111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.6722444444444444,171,5,37,3,5,56,34,45,0.408,0.52,0.07200000000000001,-0.9501,0,2,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,6,2,4,8,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678281198909732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299088907979446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957792341120158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.581024491936582,0.2736414472027231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871323509925049,0.0,0.0,0.3389753668109775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168518610705322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGiantRascal,2019/01/11,"I'm starting to feel like it's just too late to fix anything I was happy with life for a while, but then shit happened with my family that made me leave the life I loved, and now it's been so long that I genuinely can't see a way out.  
The only reason I'm still here is because I don't want to put my mom through that. But even that is meaning less and less to me every day.  
I can never get back to where I was before, so it's just hard to find a reason to keep going.  
  
I'll probably delete this later, I just have to actually say something to someone.",5.352424242424242,3.5788026033057854,6.513016528925622,84.28649449035815,68.42148760330579,9.388980716253442,29.25757575757576,7.793537801064563,1.586122865013774,429,11,101,4,6,146,79,121,0.083,0.835,0.08199999999999999,0.2315,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,12,4,1,0,5,0,9,4,1,3,1,19,22,8,0,1,5,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,4,11,3,14,18,2,16,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,12,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.16620180134894622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015383056563066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309608786334551,0.0,0.10382177453278296,0.0,0.1449245873257348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983837778133064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249072672835342,0.0,0.14349680893949354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055679029272654,0.0,0.08611582676716828,0.1216722864044034,0.0,0.0,0.15566382193617015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898198492221837,0.0,0.09679331601671884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060802204032978,0.18130231682326986,0.1525678041170704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138282252573046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212150104736547,0.18033783199579387,0.0,0.0,0.2405954930789496,0.08320677016673378,0.0,0.0,0.15072244477682514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371494704577024,0.1611551331303721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855217697066252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946958488915725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313565815891914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953139794535368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362719347673329,0.0,0.0,0.1712125136303908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35022211625298866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544045164401727,0.0,0.0,0.13571813015470288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482477405478813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430641740645606,0.13111596339023893,0.0,0.0,0.12054905721447012,0.0,0.13601290301846744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045555272898636,0.1351872488205007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRedReddington,2019/01/11,This has to be my year... I will give it my all.. I have allowed myself to live depressed and suicidal since i was a little kid..  Ive always wanted to change my perspective on life but being depressed has always seemed more comfortable than finding happiness and losing it again ..  I have decided i will give this year my all already lost weight..   Getting dental work done putting myself out there trying new things..  Anything to try to find a better happier me... I gotta get over certain things in my past there is nothing i can do about my childhood.. But i have some control over the now over my current self..  Im making myself vulnerable again its scary im somewhat hopeful... This is the last year i will live in a complete suicidal depressed state of life.. Its make or break for me...  Which ever way it takes me i look forward to it..  ,2.4670953598830856,4.996206217391308,3.421541834124956,87.39999269272926,79.99378881987576,5.775812933869201,25.61965655827549,7.048011613610866,1.2866189989039098,655,26,122,8,17,209,100,161,0.179,0.708,0.113,-0.9034,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,5,7,10,0,0,5,0,17,3,0,4,4,22,30,5,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,12,3,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,2,24,5,17,21,5,25,0,5,1,0,4,9,0,5,13,90,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569034182393006,0.0,0.20462653401650224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118629234085487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874886848452801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007626207639605,0.0,0.12892209871729396,0.0,0.13791103485669792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317717967552411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258316278791787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122511718230542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476795574919745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284839251709626,0.2359104793340951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089409799301208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212785610209448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563760942565146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002294939473698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370175185599768,0.0,0.12323906217127704,0.21715334456337365,0.0,0.1032561350428619,0.1375617250265055,0.1342262793378343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641546277091864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187563430992725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798423987751445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738003272653705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360960372399345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193892839681467,0.128274970300956,0.0,0.0,0.1017144754430441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689983978020341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245124715387684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633794334910037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696467463644915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252548777778486,0.09760058947159124,0.0,0.14973317426314522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951695417482078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375482438103552
suicidewatch,mokyuuy,2019/01/12,"if my boyfriend doesn’t pick up my phone call, i’m going to kill myself so many things pile on. if i can’t have the person i love the most pick up, then i know my life is meant to end here. i’m tired.",1.7358865248226962,1.4514377659574509,3.073191489361701,100.93333333333334,75.59574468085106,6.266666666666668,17.79432624113475,3.1291,-1.040852482269504,153,1,44,0,3,50,34,47,0.156,0.758,0.086,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,0,7,10,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,5,9,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493697428370654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30304016826451075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444969177699464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785343137530995,0.0,0.1880347211684384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416681305972355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30880049681740723,0.0,0.0,0.34688276167437043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987490514003667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273068742711297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39324697098792893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ty3113,2019/01/12,"Life is tedious Tired of making decisions that mostly turn out wrong anyway. Tired of hoping things will be ""better"". There is no better. Even rich people kill themselves. What do I get to look forward to? More years of work for money I will spend to try and make myself feel alive. What's the point? I hate myself and no matter what else I get rid of I can't get rid of my thoughts. ",1.1372582972582992,3.5730911818181847,1.9986147186147207,95.97189033189034,85.23376623376623,3.9417027417027413,15.049062049062044,5.033348758259628,-0.983991630591631,299,5,62,1,9,93,55,77,0.237,0.623,0.14,-0.8767,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,2,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,0,11,18,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,8,4,10,14,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561912973259879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821902984499387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330031709099839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018188641738176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156229804728364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881146188893134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000061247112451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278637956257735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223378413860738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910031897489128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688324514112917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960479741436527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903600034245765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337814663787169,0.0,0.0,0.15986550920771406,0.0,0.4628910286716813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671720196985185,0.219033039936245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465999623009264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016678977283088,0.0,0.1296758582708971
suicidewatch,anonymousdino,2019/01/12,I wonder what percentage of posters here actually follow throu with it Curious about that ,9.62,11.625965666666666,9.140000000000004,56.25000000000003,59.0,14.0,41.66666666666667,13.023866798666859,6.781666666666667,75,4,10,3,1,24,15,15,0.0,0.85,0.15,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.6689057044826442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7433472664310925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salehthrowaway,2019/01/12,"I might kill myself tomorrow. I don't know what to say to all my friends and family except, ""I love you."" I'm going to hurt a lot of people when I pass, but hurt is inevitable. Death is a much better experience than living. I don't feel alive, anyway. I exist but I'm not living. ",-0.13198547215496248,2.0157579322033925,2.897142857142857,89.3037288135593,88.32203389830508,5.405326876513318,15.20823244552058,6.868970318607317,-0.15201404358353487,214,4,46,3,7,76,42,59,0.268,0.604,0.128,-0.8827,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,11,4,2,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,9,3,6,10,3,4,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233775013425796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23485149695369065,0.2263329858742393,0.0,0.12139537772090662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549089065517899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644717353150304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140369464719372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656210803128066,0.0,0.13194572845423844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240030564113522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411367893332147,0.21668820655258092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546947371218893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649182668118668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644633832131753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092709671672264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purecc3,2019/01/12,"Life is boring, depressing, hard, and worthless I really want to kill my self but I have a hard time doing so because of what it will do to my parents. Every time I prepare a bath and grab the toaster I start too feel overbearing guilt and then I stop. I don’t think life is worth living. I don’t know how anyone does it. Honestly the idea of sucked seems like a happy thought to me. No more work and no more pain. I can be set free. It’s not like my life is going anywhere either Iv’e been stuck in a 2 year community college for 4 years because I have a hard time passing classes. My IQ is way below average at 77. Recently I decided to stop playing video games in order to get my life together and succeed but ultimately that has made me more depressed. Now I’m here. I really want to die so I can get this shit over with. ",2.0082456140350864,3.7478208187134494,3.8992748538011694,87.41136842105264,77.65497076023392,7.133099415204679,24.85029239766082,8.021203637495839,1.4004952046783623,644,23,137,11,15,218,110,171,0.265,0.58,0.155,-0.9678,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,16,3,1,7,0,16,6,1,2,0,23,31,11,2,2,4,1,5,2,0,1,5,0,2,1,6,6,0,2,7,4,2,2,5,9,0,0,4,5,19,8,15,25,4,21,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,1,13,84,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839955979339343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715716925574449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424158422174593,0.0,0.14605236254575746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315110765482587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856853004649395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115577739311993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470480525778856,0.0,0.07997837222476023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498064616114432,0.3781911333138454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886360413097772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569352652875404,0.0,0.0773398547632339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975984436310511,0.13750416474760827,0.0,0.12426448050341515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315924852915895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974340331440122,0.0,0.15626063087403652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030658323781545,0.0,0.13895089175554426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811253552928525,0.14680890665616614,0.0,0.14445419817054664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996072638691032,0.0,0.0,0.23530807332748824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017215118503866,0.0,0.11172148381662067,0.24617705945329585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600880967473336,0.11170250747830301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245090011529416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124709167122025
suicidewatch,Bee_c_c,2019/01/12,"Reaching out made it worse Asking for help from someone close to you seemed to be a common suggestion so I told my closest friend how I truly feel and well, now they won't even speak to me, seems like playing videogames with their lover is more important than making sure I'm ok...

I can't find any comfort in anyone close to me and at this point I feel too insane to even care anymore

I'll just wait for a quiet night and go out, I've planned this for too long now, just wish there was a way to make my ageing mom understand its not her fault",5.867994100294986,4.950810150442479,5.643495575221242,88.14571533923305,66.9646017699115,8.5952802359882,28.567846607669612,7.1686216300943375,1.2721634218289086,429,11,96,3,6,133,85,113,0.063,0.6729999999999999,0.264,0.97,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,1,12,10,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,4,1,24,20,5,0,1,3,1,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,4,12,9,16,15,1,16,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,7,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239308529118404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930760950943977,0.13612890510160808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200503202347254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984952460278536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571763962608829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687807727020976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779393818408395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041384025052987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064448119102713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049385223433926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511369478331648,0.0,0.0,0.17229089148360774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184216502029965,0.2599086945781422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280137683229927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826995249390519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404109968955268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544694555140353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495672783557958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834891528940811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603071663479312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026748836222776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453260230079308,0.0,0.0,0.17504600127055284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238791722690103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840156042650053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ljthescribe31,2019/01/12,"Suicide by AIDS It's taking too long, damn it. I quit the stupid meds a month ago and I'm still undetectable and 170 pounds.
It's a far cry from the 125 pounds I was two years ago in the hospital.
At least I felt a kind of peace back then. Like my body was literally winding down, preparing for death, and medically it was.
But I let myself be brought back from the brink. That's my biggest regret because nothing about these last two years has been worth living, but much of it has been soul-crushingly horrible.

I will not make the same mistake twice.

I just wish it would happen quicker. I've got the bomb inside my body and I'm ready for it to detonate so I can finally be finished with this misery.",1.6789671361502378,4.0134794788732435,2.810450704225349,91.774220657277,81.67605633802816,6.321877934272301,22.14272300469484,7.554174236665415,0.8609956807511736,554,18,118,9,15,177,97,142,0.175,0.711,0.114,-0.8594,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,9,0,13,3,2,1,0,16,22,8,2,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,3,8,1,11,2,13,9,3,20,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,14,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296356598272268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570732566080153,0.0,0.10189990310261816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713567718592704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361870569981845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605009460845795,0.18311690067360184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336940652032754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478200784127477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740726443334695,0.0,0.13625867148095985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709336309066421,0.0,0.08166650835653674,0.0,0.1476063834732594,0.14793238304069387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158138492074196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856783859296352,0.16839730145933365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342645816000226,0.0,0.12288270027810952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039565948365112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779648999998782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349513337311789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284719832197527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256844030416827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326584364565194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922271060399252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874650537773357,0.0,0.0,0.21529263719007685
suicidewatch,AIRNYD,2019/01/12,"I want to end this I just turned 21 and things are getting even worse. Now I've got to a point I cannot even look at others face directly when I'm in public. Ashamed of how I look and how I walk and even how my arms move every single fucking time. No friends, no hopes and dreams, no talents, why am I keep living? People I thought I was friends with, turned out to be fake and literally no one contacts me first and even I do first, they always ignore me.

I was raised by pretty averaged parents, no traumatic events or something  but I'm here, having social anxiety, BDD and depression who literally can do nothing but cooped up in home all day long and constantly thinking about how horrible human being I am.

I have literally zero self-esteem that if someone said something mean to me I don't even get pissed because I know how horrible creature I am more than anybody else. At this point, death seems the only way to get out of here.",3.5087096774193536,5.2060806236559145,4.471806451612904,85.08770967741935,73.40860215053762,7.325591397849463,27.45376344086021,8.021203637495839,1.7283337634408595,740,28,146,11,15,240,120,186,0.202,0.708,0.09,-0.9699,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,16,10,2,1,2,0,15,4,3,5,1,31,35,18,1,3,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,6,11,0,2,5,1,0,2,7,6,0,4,5,3,20,4,18,28,3,22,0,1,2,1,10,9,2,4,10,100,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679390639920633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981841114452394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782383492455193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869610922304956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827723606159661,0.0,0.11054396586841443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072163658386823,0.0,0.11367619777474162,0.0,0.0,0.4238556316467187,0.0,0.10813679022487338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834157869682305,0.0,0.0,0.19831914341975426,0.1186535342254049,0.20116599752508896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264978323770688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287412047096322,0.12747624247255246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407955789467553,0.0,0.0,0.07053544180124799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113331607091118,0.11358190829096447,0.21555613154297792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980609632491384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641117056009114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315116346587432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697036991953103,0.09761269055855802,0.0,0.0,0.14251271441592536,0.0,0.0,0.08897875018186685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265634853593945,0.0,0.0,0.13057372099480466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208615435844115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684110762168133,0.1338925593156604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308322811835436,0.1087468975966207,0.19761358504133555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526718204779105,0.0822387440663934,0.0,0.1018921517737643,0.07483941150837266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792065387869912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757016209117134,0.10187484498658317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581203399894564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307952361677289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bellsnolongerring,2019/01/12,"It's frustrating to be so suicidal but so unmotivated I can't even kill myself. Hi, first post on Reddit ever.

I've been suicidal since sixth grade. I'm about to go to college now. And throughout these years I've made so many plans and preparations and half-hearted attempts but I've never actually managed to do what I want to do so badly.

The problem is, the more I wait, the worse my life seems to get. I used to have two friends, and now I only have one after one of them dropped me after a stupid argument. I keep talking about killing myself and telling people I'm seriously considering it and nobody seems to care. I'm a homosexual, I've disappointed my family, my GPA just keeps getting lower, even my cat is avoiding me.

I really want to do it. I won't even leave a note, because that'll slow me down. The problem is, I know I'll never manage to just do it, even though I'm so alone, and I want to do it so badly. ",2.826122807017544,4.2377384894736885,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,74.63157894736842,7.803508771929827,26.35087719298245,8.447377352677275,1.7428666666666666,723,26,151,13,15,250,105,190,0.306,0.61,0.084,-0.9955,1,3,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,3,18,13,4,1,7,0,15,1,0,2,3,28,34,16,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,4,11,0,4,2,0,20,2,18,29,1,15,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,10,99,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.12741020461591915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522341525307902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180285336547847,0.07958971220195846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311721049119546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34494130372898824,0.11810129176549634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308274241096975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105642934559123,0.0,0.0,0.10087229409317533,0.0,0.13642707616950098,0.0,0.07420169997586891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547172378647103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23209996807246974,0.2888962108707441,0.0,0.07175375716814253,0.0,0.0,0.1382468775193033,0.0,0.0,0.09222018279602506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235414316836259,0.0,0.13236992238630893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013957586751832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694511141260458,0.09929869461374646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905156254874628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504282195946007,0.0,0.0,0.2498614347665725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364170600701751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377184646313392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800268181676886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28562845396869724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494122357683884,0.11411741424314953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827703209276456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127540629549114,0.0,0.0,0.11276411396833448,0.0,0.0,0.23102750555272294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305438195416566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407799473520115
suicidewatch,Jish_of_NerdFightria,2019/01/12,I really do suck I want to die because I failed at everything but I can’t because I failed at dying too.,1.1121739130434776,2.589336086956525,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,79.43478260869566,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,1.8630173913043475,82,3,18,2,2,30,16,23,0.456,0.491,0.052000000000000005,-0.8707,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493690786169852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7650611194506516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312582854593001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361234594425468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739957429416976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cinnamonbicycle,2019/01/12,"I don't even know if I'm capable of feeling joy anymore. I have anorexia, OCD, depression, and anxiety. Usually one or two are active enough to numb the others out. But recently they've all been hella active and I can't cope.

I wake up stuck between not getting out of bed for lack of motivation to live, and getting up in order to not feel like a lazy fat fuck. I hate myself to begin with, but every time I eat that number multiplies exponentially. I can't stand my family. I'm so incredibly lonely because I can't bring myself to burden any of my friends with my problems. I can't sleep anymore due to depression-induced insomnia, so at night I just lie awake for hours exercising compulsively or planning my suicide.

I don't think I've ever been in this much pain. Life has no potential for anything other than misery anymore. I can't do it. I can't. I just wish I could see everyone I love one last time. I wonder if anyone will think about my in five or ten years, about the girl they met in treatment who seemed so optimistic until she killed herself out of the blue.

Bye, Reddit. Thanks for all the memes.",3.140540604905929,5.0684745520362045,4.750840676351512,81.71854012860207,74.97285067873304,7.729554655870446,26.563705644201,8.532816995589336,1.9943701357466064,880,33,169,17,19,296,137,221,0.219,0.653,0.128,-0.9757,0,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,2,9,14,3,0,5,0,16,11,3,1,3,34,37,14,2,6,11,0,2,1,1,1,6,0,1,1,6,8,2,0,8,1,0,1,11,9,0,5,4,4,27,5,32,31,5,25,0,2,2,2,9,10,1,7,14,116,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803897636032023,0.0,0.11028789211499623,0.0,0.4289268434466282,0.10080540445039032,0.0,0.11863772914897605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788328879115813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510617347165708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417142450241775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751954354880856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896376744894646,0.0,0.0952214029078601,0.13040793393622224,0.12146750098802335,0.1377584107987125,0.0,0.0,0.13590847230434905,0.0,0.1457910367517108,0.10299343015546568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138360357834062,0.13328071099378436,0.15064334073119756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233575173962668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197613926139493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595001943605481,0.0,0.07923079489290237,0.1175159132781654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182990656469584,0.07043305361375404,0.0,0.12730271601078286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301169734724134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597984401518977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529161562438616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538352252107935,0.0,0.1534045921199295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379490138979512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423482063493995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488298750678295,0.1312448550208014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427181124315674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769605902963266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273024406866624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475367551349267,0.0,0.0,0.16813068470836404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083088968620608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878034824778794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657857344239346,0.0,0.1563437155082093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283926889376708
suicidewatch,Anxiouslyhoping,2019/01/12,"I wish I could still help On a different account, I used to be the one to help. The one who at least try to cheer someone up or hear them out and tell them why they shouldn't end it all, why they shouldn't cease to exist. But the more I browse, the more I realize how relatable it all is, and how if I want to die, why should I tell others the opposite? I used to think it would never happen where death would be preferable for me, but now I think otherwise.",7.884072164948453,4.437527278350518,7.735541237113402,82.79444587628865,64.87628865979381,11.761855670103095,32.49742268041237,9.516144504307137,2.3812494845360823,354,8,85,5,4,114,59,97,0.027000000000000003,0.8540000000000001,0.12,0.6676,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,4,3,26,17,8,2,10,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,14,1,11,9,5,9,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,4,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483970470935045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882730947641469,0.18953298221752696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160673840726245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041869245061438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044602516200769,0.0,0.24318821585309455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991320500629015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24585381351412985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537065986191446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487284118764987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31711756551022097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324781286551111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316427543899452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133569187114838,0.0,0.0,0.1069992700247566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491078114922586,0.0,0.20861050363122455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577343934642793,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2010fordescape,2019/01/12,"I wanna do it but... I'm afraid of failing. I put some research into cyanide pills but they are $200 from shady websites and who know if they'll show up and/or work. I'm thinking of parking on the side of the highway and then jumping in front of a truck but I don't want to ruin someone else's career and give them PTSD. So, what do I do?",1.4762612612612642,2.6975356351351394,2.933513513513514,95.99774774774777,77.78378378378378,4.933333333333334,24.495495495495497,3.1291,0.02483603603603557,263,9,62,0,6,86,56,74,0.052000000000000005,0.888,0.061,0.3869,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,2,1,3,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,12,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,11,11,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,2,1,39,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33272727775133154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38208420255075376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889443231855354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655896175034484,0.4003999907067364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374770159218737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552135881948285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349267674789082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899660426039883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,altered1187,2019/01/12,"turns out living with your ex is worse than you might think Stuck here for financial reasons. I know i have to move out but believe me when I say I've exhausted all options to leave and it won't work. Family moved out of state. No other friends. I'm so cut off from everything. I've got nowhere to go besides work and no money to do anything fun. But it's not fun alone. I spend my days haunting my apartment waiting for her to get home. She's with new friends. Probably a new ""friend."" and I'm here. I'm so hurt and pissed off all the time, I want to let this go but I can't seem to let myself. I just don't understand how we went from absolute best friends to her not even wanting to be in the same building as me. I just want to die to escape it all. She's so fine I keep wanting her to hurt like I do. I think even if I die she won't give that much of a shit though ",0.1922843758611208,1.9739677434555,1.983929457150733,98.74362083218521,83.60732984293193,5.487021217966381,21.04739597685313,6.5966054737557815,0.06475287958115182,673,21,168,7,19,221,110,191,0.229,0.597,0.174,-0.9415,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,2,0,3,12,15,3,0,4,0,12,3,2,2,3,37,34,15,2,5,8,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,6,10,0,2,6,0,2,5,8,6,0,0,3,1,26,9,28,25,6,18,0,2,0,0,16,7,2,4,6,106,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614094185717808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022536064761163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721913973639285,0.12781436582753702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854648696831316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528040606547876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088641473957585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094598033550384,0.0,0.1148157146084997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37638825081864413,0.0,0.06363187858638995,0.11683505900267112,0.13843567410041036,0.0,0.09740908440184648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216843017111573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076410875938544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825532147257187,0.0,0.0,0.0669343138097871,0.0,0.0,0.12896132897147625,0.0,0.2490834347026984,0.0,0.059501966622158585,0.0,0.10754555667176906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920325394338406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588936246591421,0.08953195719434164,0.0,0.0,0.23525710925787904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131358320096828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522361239277205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685477776463908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087588258778516,0.0,0.0,0.12501888788243493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608022753081696,0.1196611224212986,0.0,0.07101854794298001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324759412266296,0.0,0.1267909336075751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28734695186524023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129034428092813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773336844090425,0.0,0.12411759477093234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missingdollheads,2019/01/12,"I want to kill myself so badly I’m honestly not sure what this community is or what I’m supposed to write about, but I have no other outlet. I’ve had depression since I was young, I’ve gone to therapy, done prescription medication, and tried everything I could do. I have been really struggling these last couple months. I’ve been trying so hard not to because as I religious or as far as I am from my religious background. For some reason when it comes to killing myself i can’t not believe in god no matter how hard I try. It’s the only thing that stops me because the idea of hell terrifies me. I want so badly to not believe it’s real. The pain I feel every single fucking day is agonizing. I wanted to do it today and drove in my car around town thinking I could crash it. I didn’t because I don’t have the guts to do something like that. I drove to the lookout in my nearby town and I’m crying in my car typing this.  I’m in so much pain right now. I don’t want to live another 60 years feeling like this but I know I would have to. I’m so scared and in so much pain ",1.7155726872246717,3.4022309867841436,3.8074251101321583,87.98082929515421,78.33920704845815,6.830748898678412,22.80374449339207,7.7348632917899725,0.9946583259911894,842,26,182,13,20,288,118,227,0.318,0.623,0.059,-0.9974,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,16,4,2,5,0,22,6,1,2,1,34,40,19,2,7,8,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,6,0,0,6,10,12,0,0,9,4,27,4,25,28,4,26,1,1,0,1,1,11,2,3,11,121,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210785929744328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036650876669066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944615819853782,0.2129603096224945,0.0,0.0,0.26239828941068155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031126591852813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859515172843713,0.1288495843412487,0.12791473209722912,0.07510054304121801,0.0,0.10029811648317813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916866427969836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811405169778097,0.0,0.1046576491252192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177611229388906,0.08319182208088327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765604348813036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863245017345253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145774736762414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576690915348613,0.0,0.06399781211391667,0.09492219973985233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378306472566373,0.0,0.10282738311362312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731100935479633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294918829305153,0.0,0.17120813073538646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856538600698116,0.3717326682323645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325454647983031,0.07460077906974262,0.1197298778756845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994475666770964,0.0,0.0,0.11658665108979885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632854935403272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964881174395027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735731927479137,0.0,0.1217387052008658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975263976322028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331705937569056,0.0,0.07736413010006991,0.07461638513693129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038087613816012,0.0,0.0,0.23718548659433364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747406403423738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272265815720749,0.0,0.0,0.07498990885410063
suicidewatch,Oparon,2019/01/12,"Question from someone who cannot relate but would like to. I understand that most of you feel like their is no meaning to your life, that continuing on is not worth the time, effort, or pain. My question to you is, ""Do you think it will ever be possible for you to find happiness, love, or meaning again in life, given enough effort and time, or do you think that you are beyond the point of no return, and you will never feel happiness again no matter how hard you may try?""

I am not a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, or anything else, I simply want to understand your position.",11.973545454545453,7.658309536363639,11.118636363636368,64.32795454545456,58.18181818181818,14.636363636363635,42.04545454545455,12.161744961471696,4.871545454545453,459,16,84,10,4,149,69,110,0.124,0.691,0.18600000000000005,0.8821,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,10,1,2,5,6,0,0,3,0,13,4,0,1,2,28,24,8,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,11,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,3,15,5,12,18,2,12,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,8,10,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315967613909745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335888098649315,0.0,0.0,0.16523537243589273,0.0,0.0,0.14465264877200432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171607813114713,0.11424360488211348,0.0,0.0,0.14615979277818433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34046586711663523,0.14325280182004932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22590597464710774,0.15625318887902712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443299061250848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34838953687365065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123336627010221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016127711055712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511717570051736,0.180280603395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35828372774627604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549581272222944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567412303158845,0.0,0.2049346824746137,0.0,0.0,0.1864959297247196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857207009245808,0.0,0.0,0.332955174791732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432225540695766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359932306954247,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HazelTheFemboyFurry,2019/01/12,"I feel like I just let everyone down with everything it do. The thing is that....I feel that everything that I do and say lets down everyone around me. My friends don't even talk to me. Never go out with me....and I'm here contemplating whether to live or not...I've tried to stop, it's not that easy. I just don't even know what to say or do anymore.",0.9135521235521225,2.6949947567567563,2.4058301158301165,96.64283783783787,81.16216216216216,6.93127413127413,21.382239382239387,7.957251820313856,0.6414617760617758,268,8,67,5,7,87,44,74,0.067,0.853,0.081,0.2486,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,16,13,4,0,0,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,10,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357667503302848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827374037762654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711631163980706,0.0,0.0,0.3922962573694765,0.3689741168776379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758543069751528,0.14664780520250958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585942032967937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166619595274658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281323631959587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41981319868708944,0.0,0.10028652032053506,0.0,0.18126072576784613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583199836069009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264842891702732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161827731296822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499148647086706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637494163243846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393675891248492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElegantBenefit1233,2019/01/12,"I just wanna fucking talk to someone who knows what its like I have spent the past 3 years of my life since trying to kill myself and getting committed  building up some sense of normal. Because of this I've ended up with a group of ""normal"" friends, people who have problems but not like this. Now I'm back to breaking picture frames to cut myself with the glass and falling asleep with a belt around my neck and I have no one to tell. I feel like I'm wasting everyone who reads this time and nothings going to make a difference. ",7.954857142857143,6.365680485714287,7.321904761904764,79.97142857142859,63.19047619047619,9.542857142857144,35.285714285714285,7.554174236665415,2.4882000000000004,421,15,82,3,5,131,70,105,0.141,0.7509999999999999,0.107,-0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,0,5,0,3,4,2,1,1,20,12,5,1,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,4,0,1,1,1,8,4,17,11,1,12,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,1,9,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973138562237986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524654742456293,0.0,0.12307470911842595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093968796525872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882106549706156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292150499690847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102085332075646,0.14423545854793007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598533918709628,0.18665078380984929,0.10548299680260373,0.0,0.11474287804244705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336942887863184,0.0,0.1109574660756972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260602103533632,0.2959104411682217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476800344276862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956329388685377,0.1937258872064742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681082337484504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273380075068056,0.13997015404797178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318843197834654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019519181964345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701151795698607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106691179328334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227738747789225,0.17646712338503645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772792870517584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707500154116276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001523009704766
suicidewatch,lulu4478,2019/01/12,"Suicidal Ideation I've been struggling with clinical depression and anxiety for over 8 years now, there have been periods of a few years where I've been okay and others when I've been quite bad. I'm on medication now and my mood is generally fine.

I guess I've just been thinking about suicide a lot the last few months. Not planning it or anything, but I've come to the conclusion that all of the therapy and medication is just delaying the inevitable, and that I'll eventually just kill myself. I'm feeling extremely hopeless, I can't ever see myself getting truly better.",7.789663608562691,7.708250000000002,8.166559633027525,68.86922782874619,62.761467889908246,12.03730886850153,39.26758409785933,11.538034831475384,4.77705382262997,466,23,81,13,6,154,73,109,0.206,0.69,0.104,-0.9214,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,4,10,9,1,1,6,1,9,3,0,0,2,22,17,8,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,2,5,3,8,12,4,14,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,10,53,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152645713335236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642024382471224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660555639042846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647478673912526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718839690591556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186143742107735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804931776147552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089220301555883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042501573116472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981315597871606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075878392786966,0.0,0.0,0.1626497711270352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963972697987387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020262672911543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592690039183878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122327929032332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900562828574907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860001761957944,0.0,0.4365234833871788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818862873779602,0.0,0.0,0.12785563333034772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25699133701883325
suicidewatch,xrystalnack,2019/01/12,I am mentally weak. I feel I am a strong person in many aspects but when it comes to dealing with powerful emotions that are uncontrollable and intense I think about my 1911 just to not have to think.,2.7680769230769218,5.287068820512825,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,78.74358974358974,6.976923076923077,27.698717948717945,8.07648339933343,1.9723794871794869,160,7,31,3,4,51,32,39,0.125,0.6990000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.2732,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,6,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089490485299937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697569862429473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034379791423732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181346464689934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363619316068966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614393260030376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131632290463282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596225754248909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quiversan,2019/01/12,"I just give up, then remember I can't give up, and that conflict sends me down a terrible spiral I have truly lost the will to live. Completely. I don't see the point in going through a shitton of emotional pain for a bit of happiness. I don't see the point of myself existing- I wallow over the smallest things, and I become completely nonfunctional: a terrible son, a terrible friend, a terrible person. I want it all to just end. I want to cease existence. 

Then I remember how my mom would react if I die in general even. How I'd leave behind broken parents and brothers, how some of my friends may truly miss me. So I want to stay alive for them. 

Now comes the conflict. I want to die. I don't want to die. What do I do? I'm stuck in bed and doing the slightest thing takes me ages and an incredible amount of energy to do. Why am I alive? Right, mom would probably be so devastated to hear I died. I have to try to live. But how do I live? I can't do this. Everything is wrong. HELP ME SOMEONE.

Help...",0.8136492190797817,3.0736464223301,3.197218235542426,88.09267412410303,84.7766990291262,7.27192908400169,22.548754748839173,8.321376580360154,1.5192294639088222,777,28,167,19,23,267,109,206,0.238,0.611,0.151,-0.9751,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,13,0,20,1,0,5,1,30,37,15,4,8,4,5,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,1,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,2,3,28,3,26,30,4,19,0,2,2,0,15,10,0,3,5,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832084806008142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696234541911968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228626919313042,0.22465546977742448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447518168492439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051108790597558,0.094888734198403,0.0,0.0,0.07076085435144318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628493760745363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554259251089554,0.0,0.0,0.20554497672441768,0.06088659870952641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404590589312115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074756153474492,0.0,0.14361903512087307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343920903564585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838032838551645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694918148688165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094758749259416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399790034961607,0.0,0.1189593894132724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354508840428953,0.0,0.0,0.20255211036710036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550833984697108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427233870262194,0.09149166671287252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074351139926555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907741080625719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419035982182472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055127308471621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234985215132606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273680732373672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159514096044089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667157704270198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220953357856642,0.1171339753597607,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopefullynotanicegrl,2019/01/12,"This is for the people with families or people who care about them, who feel like ending it all I’m not posting on here to say that I’m suicidal, maybe that’s against the rules I’m not even sure. But my older sister attempted suicide today. I don’t know how much this will help anyone but I wish she would’ve come to me, I would’ve given anything for her and it destroys me to think that she might’ve not fully known that. I never felt the need to completely express that, I always felt like it went without saying, but today changed things. I’m absolutely and utterly heartbroken and I cannot begin to imagine the pain I would’ve went through had things worked out the way she would’ve wanted them to. She left a goodbye letter, and I can tell you that if she was no longer around, that goodbye letter would not have helped clear things up no matter what you think. It’s 3 pages long and it’s filled with why she felt she needed to do this but I want to (and am so lucky to say that I can) scream at her that there’s so much life has to fucking offer. I know how it feels to be on the deep end, I really know how it is ive been in terrible places mentally, myself, and I’ve had many many thoughts but please please don’t fucking do it because someone loves you and they would do anything to help you. Just reach. I’m gonna put my all to do that now because I feel like I got a second chance somehow. Please just don’t do it. ",3.7665719063545136,4.343298926421408,4.368928093645486,90.36710451505016,71.44147157190636,7.317792642140469,24.64899665551839,7.1686216300943375,0.784706889632107,1125,29,251,10,20,358,150,299,0.123,0.737,0.14,0.047,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,4,3,2,14,13,3,0,8,0,25,5,0,3,5,59,58,20,2,8,14,1,6,3,0,4,2,4,0,0,28,13,0,0,14,0,0,5,12,6,0,1,12,10,36,7,28,41,5,26,0,0,0,3,31,10,2,4,12,163,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503497870156292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630542675315266,0.0,0.14841694557703572,0.08027717369396943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994284350528473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194206283694427,0.0,0.09539593290178264,0.07768000875548707,0.09454948721980316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974115689742735,0.0,0.0,0.059561447587210666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501140607691214,0.0,0.1367894968304758,0.12884577636327685,0.259753883868615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673545736191167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212325645406516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813324127714518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486777350426047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797821518925516,0.0,0.06369509855397269,0.1321686460117211,0.0,0.0,0.0798043292623551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813887955755366,0.0,0.0,0.18285184427851894,0.09059550966030556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908778005372868,0.09566417214657397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258180895989372,0.1337310804223575,0.0695505165368248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595531355518803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250355727194878,0.0,0.09421638803429024,0.2969637413822085,0.0,0.0,0.0863652036538575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065338498076198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057770073164168816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151385166511678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640717921227876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972792936834126,0.0,0.08499131119199685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881918823582333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972995102309994,0.11556431668297835,0.0,0.07159093337798947,0.0,0.0,0.17095562191019806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637815778647124,0.07157877337325404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719105841685372,0.08137124858052902,0.0,0.10369977788663012,0.08692797858614525,0.0,0.06565035939468901,0.0,0.0,0.3843574348955836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pupper_inapastlife,2019/01/12,"Beginning to understand suicide I would have described myself as a happy, optimistic person a few years ago. Now, I am sad and cry almost everyday. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to work and when I do go to work I'm disciplined for poor performance.

  


I feel trapped in this job and in the house that I bought. I've been putting in job applications for over a year. I haven't had an interview yet.

So I get up and go to a job that kills me slowly and is about to finish the job and then I go home to an empty house without anyone to love or be loved by.

  


And I just honestly don't know how much longer I can do this you guys. And I'm pretty sure I would not be missed if I ceased to exist.",1.1532803970223355,2.467866045161294,3.2961290322580648,92.66727047146404,78.87096774193549,7.091811414392061,20.95533498759305,7.882392219407189,0.6076997518610425,547,14,133,9,13,187,92,155,0.16,0.701,0.139,-0.7577,4,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,1,0,8,0,16,2,0,1,1,25,34,15,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,9,0,1,3,0,2,5,6,3,0,0,3,1,17,5,23,27,2,21,0,2,0,2,6,6,0,3,10,88,21,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105567524905113,0.0,0.13674903922250325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954886681052796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500090535283239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905082121841942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269802342225685,0.0,0.3104496913199968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352197513092423,0.0,0.1453748321931196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369847464612412,0.0,0.0,0.3151528564217793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5420744736067851,0.0,0.15108774380759893,0.0,0.07505195895493025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24650853915050475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039019441657104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924234739306305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893460221470114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728445876752127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493787632150398,0.0,0.12870987839462789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216785686359876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109787648305562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164274554652508,0.0,0.19884032039853292,0.0,0.0,0.1940221810585113,0.0,0.0,0.17588537406040647
suicidewatch,Savingstobig,2019/01/12,"Guilt I made some awesome friends this year and their super supportive and caring, and I know they would be crushed if I killed myself, but I still want to die. I feel so guilty and selfish. I fucking hate myself because even when things finally start going good I still fucking want to die. Depending on how finals go next week, I’m killing myself. I’m probably gonna try and overdose on my anti depressants and ADHD meds as well as eating as much ibuprofen as I can. I’m fucking worthless and I’m almost not gonna get course credit for al my courses because I’m such a fucking retard. I cut to distract from the pain of being alive and I hope I cut to deep.",4.515580618212198,5.362777984962411,5.256040100250626,83.70021720969092,69.90225563909775,7.414870509607352,30.567251461988306,7.3871296695380915,1.88794970760234,524,21,101,5,9,170,87,133,0.366,0.47,0.16399999999999998,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,2,1,8,23,9,2,2,0,4,7,0,3,0,22,28,17,4,5,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,15,1,0,1,1,18,8,13,22,2,14,0,2,0,4,3,3,4,5,9,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615210111756289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458079371254122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385628998387225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370283397227359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575732554415785,0.0,0.2789690759985317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752333030835534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876901412177936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795597525886267,0.0,0.0,0.294454215010443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383603241539964,0.4969973957563452,0.07021772643729796,0.0,0.15276365414779172,0.11272717726469192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269080238646686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348814458680058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973842975054364,0.0,0.0738619610292183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271712140609853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928655730901244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879844218543632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293444606795944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430095964603327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490443261373573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512802764693386,0.0,0.2146618065317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251394952051514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892884643046749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124783378710356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854356422364402,0.0,0.10780645785165928,0.0,0.12084049068783205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547291620165158,0.0,0.0,0.08654829817473947
suicidewatch,EverythingIsSoSincur,2019/01/12,"I wish I had the balls to kill myself If I did I would be out of here by now. 

There is absolutely nothing left for me. It's impossible for me to get laid, it's impossible for me to get a job. And every ""hobby"" I used to have bores the shit out of me now. 

The rest of my life will just be living off inheritance and waiting to get really sick and die. 

It's like watching, frame-by-frame, a long-term train wreck, and I'm the conductor of said train. I know what's coming and there's nothing I can do to stop it. ",2.055,2.6652973571428578,4.303928571428571,89.14107142857144,75.42857142857143,7.742857142857144,22.035714285714285,8.07648339933343,0.7125857142857144,392,9,97,6,8,137,66,112,0.174,0.745,0.081,-0.8923,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,6,0,10,3,1,1,0,16,20,6,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,13,1,17,13,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,4,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911839109864451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034139451889066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699622574340716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34786756853863576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202437994328491,0.0,0.245546620356528,0.0,0.12197385709848102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114130097893635,0.0,0.1567646328484146,0.10842995110810484,0.0,0.19597939553599916,0.19641223046269707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259198505178276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218212256211554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111825155047265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782090526120305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555396436954608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168715989017404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25522305445661003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576616661037323,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vomitserotonin,2019/01/12,Suicide by Respiratory suppression from alcohol and what other drug I have access to more alcohol than I could ever drink. I’m trying to kill my self painlessly. Are there any other OTC CNS suppressant drugs I could combine with alcohol to stop breathing?,7.945333333333334,9.535351977777779,8.353333333333335,61.89000000000002,62.55555555555557,12.222222222222225,37.22222222222222,11.855464076750405,5.3452222222222225,209,10,30,7,3,69,36,45,0.226,0.733,0.042,-0.8834,0,0,6,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,8,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6397173866083157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568866741937902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186202849101639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546549126248766,0.4627877678567188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804882041167674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075270090920845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815549229589347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668177665793694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825572748104424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546919544566338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NETGEAR1993,2019/01/12,"Bird Box is an accurate representation of Suicidal thoughts I recently watched Bird Box and all I could think about was that this is what suicidal thoughts feel like. This overwhelming feeling that you have to kill yourself, that the peace you yearn is right their. People act like ""oh just get over it, tryharder"", no that's not how it works. It's like a supernatural force that takes over your mind, just like the movie it is unescapable. Once you've seen it (aka felt suicidal thoughts) you are never the same. You are destined to die.

​

The other point made in the movie is how the criminally insane don't kill themselves, instead they show others the light. Well that's us trying to show others that suicide should be ok. We're trying to convince them, but to them we're psychotic.

​

Did anyone else think this or am I psychotic and no one else saw the light yet?",4.7015844155844135,6.9543016909090944,4.239155844155846,85.66159090909092,71.48484848484848,7.623376623376624,27.54329004329004,8.418075326091056,1.890965367965368,709,26,134,12,14,213,102,165,0.145,0.769,0.086,-0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,5,4,1,8,11,2,1,10,1,15,0,0,3,2,25,28,6,7,3,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,19,2,0,0,8,2,0,1,5,4,1,1,9,8,13,7,10,16,2,9,0,2,3,0,10,5,0,1,7,85,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539244862074221,0.2847680324290484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193353634404599,0.120062641370686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355704586459364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216121960291538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577425670652115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849736899980455,0.08371193983943324,0.11250919310002913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061220634449526724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592800463977855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22898887969542045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087659489348868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831631019813935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037484689783916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479067599730854,0.07940280102435819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123642572319585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077102338373272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569907389417873,0.0,0.0,0.10006931583680408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126945664972113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810322379051176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501657780147146,0.0,0.2790785733366997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911225156456107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095062749758722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535703564408777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530693191820833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847680324290484,0.0
suicidewatch,madlittlemarie,2019/01/12,"I did it Last night I attempted and now I’m left with 1,000s of dollars in hospital bills, my stomach burns, possible liver problems, and sore arms. I came home to no power and a house that’s 45 degrees because I can’t afford the bill. I can’t even do suicide right. I will never be normal and I know it. I hate myself. ",0.86004264392324,2.959971208955224,3.1130063965884887,89.79164179104478,83.17910447761193,5.619616204690832,23.004264392324096,6.868970318607317,0.7960891257995741,249,9,52,3,7,85,53,67,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.9393,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,2,0,6,4,3,0,1,10,10,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,4,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220872315358295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30434119288649936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575289221687435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627132059617812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26691445607665915,0.0,0.0,0.3070372995019028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623856538370852,0.2169025136095751,0.0,0.0,0.2891124274396655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522846458065674,0.0,0.0,0.2497116405824008,0.2607160898898162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999815409697393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461647729020603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272432291259033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910641685512606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badluck_777,2019/01/12,"I don't beleive in ""It Gets Better"" meme anymore social anxiety depression ocd and many other things and problems in life( i have 0 friends online,0 in real life) because i have very bad anxiety i can't replay to messages online, i don't get out from my room since when i was kid... 7 years of social anxiety and depression i don't enjoy anything any more nothing can make me happy,, doctors or meds or anything didn't help me

sometimes i wish i killed myself earlier than living like this it just keeps getting worse

 now i can't even kill myself anymore because i tried to fix some ""cheap chinese phone"" for someone from my family and now he have alot of porn ads and videos from Chinese viruses I didn't know that after i fixed his phone, he didn't have this problem before....

if i kill myself they will probably think I'm creep weirdo who was watching porn 24/24h now

FUCK why i always have this bad luck in life ",4.074071428571429,5.711359661111112,4.567619047619051,85.215,71.83333333333333,6.920634920634923,28.41269841269841,7.447530270364453,1.6634365079365083,729,28,137,8,14,231,112,180,0.228,0.6629999999999999,0.109,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,6,16,4,0,1,0,17,7,0,1,0,21,27,9,3,4,4,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,1,9,6,0,1,2,1,1,0,8,10,0,0,5,1,24,6,15,21,3,12,0,2,1,3,13,6,1,6,7,82,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005326258244712,0.0,0.0,0.08177055171431458,0.0,0.27596070829546315,0.0,0.2385009577198164,0.0,0.0,0.1979023634639162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079868318559746,0.14660016409208387,0.0,0.10231942373621054,0.0,0.0,0.1063467076381112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071332497678864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230755943420458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942052171342485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335604649860673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929007936910253,0.11116433152854537,0.1884687530560004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800276972810612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059751964431867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687905655083592,0.3990989923273355,0.0,0.06608336859154007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547972638007586,0.0587455098649069,0.0,0.10617831508842182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026430271739117,0.12190930087451547,0.0,0.0,0.13356480731009845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537807831024867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964417539866696,0.230115968029356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686484765779305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994676977631654,0.0,0.0,0.24514875473484746,0.10188298440539154,0.0,0.11892512999496233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988526726611403,0.07704797897145446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163829052612641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921450979228344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850218180603906,0.0,0.1382755254439265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253967056794753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743367505486816
suicidewatch,hayden3924,2019/01/12,"I really am considering suicide because my life is probably over Kind of a lengthy post, but the title says a lot. Back in November I was visiting a friend and on the way home from the store with them, I had a seizure behind the wheel, now we think related to an antidepressant I was taking that increases the risk of seizures. When the police got there I was still laying in the car and hadnt come to and my friend was on the side of the road waiting for help, since he called 911 because I kept convulsing. The police went and questioned him immediately and not ONCE came and checked on me in the car to make sure I was okay and stable, and they never dispatched for medical help. So I guess I kinda came to after the seizure, I dont remember anything before I get to jail btw, and I was alone in the car on a dark road and leaned over and shut the door and started driving. I have no idea why I did this. Then the police followed me and apparently I stopped in the middle of the road and when an officer got to my window drove away again, again, no idea why I would do something like that, but I dont remember it at all. So I pull over in a restaurant and they cuff me and I do field sobriety tests and pass, all he can say is my eyes were dilated. Now here is where I screwed up. I have severe anxiety but have NEVER abused pills, I only used a pinch of xanax now and then for panic attacks, but didnt have a script, I know, Im an idiot. So they find some pills in my car then take me to jail and at jail when they searched me they found a few in my pocket I had no idea about. So, I wake up in jail with no idea what is going on and with felony evading arrest and 3 class a misdemeanors.  I go to court in a couple of weeks and I know I am utterly fucked. I have no idea why the police never helped me in the first place, I dont understand why I was allowed to sit behind the wheel after the 911 call that I was violently seizing and it ever got to the point where I was in this situation because I could have hurt someone due to not being aware of what was going on. I really don't want to go to jail and I am probably going to lose my job if I get put on probation because I am sure they will tell my employer and I really dont even know what to do with my life anymore and have lost all hope. I am speaking with an attorney soon, but am not very hopeful. I really have considered just ending it all because once my life is taken away from me and I have lost all I have worked so hard for, work, school, etc, what is the point? ",4.886685463659148,4.314925174812032,5.8985563909774426,84.35784711779449,68.86842105263158,9.424160401002508,28.635588972431076,8.936278230431713,1.8963291228070176,1971,58,445,31,30,657,227,532,0.161,0.772,0.067,-0.9945,5,1,1,0,1,2,39.0,1,0,7,6,24,20,5,2,38,1,51,11,2,3,11,87,88,44,1,6,10,0,1,1,2,2,7,3,3,0,12,36,0,3,15,0,2,21,18,11,0,1,28,5,69,9,66,56,10,89,0,4,1,2,24,39,2,8,27,316,81,7,0.0,0.08060929061928053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046281582819275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204590489094283,0.0,0.06747155186633003,0.0,0.0,0.055986272376362334,0.0,0.0,0.07739861732491955,0.12784056431103144,0.05231402803783479,0.0,0.20736479781292053,0.0,0.05789201327787475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894085783945762,0.1556257855979751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860535818836881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431969767469733,0.07527844428635161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31894186227491805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060258024344885724,0.0,0.07587601222067013,0.04493588538402,0.06154074392492718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218194036432668,0.057869775828908565,0.0,0.07459588565515493,0.10512596309673324,0.0628964347323538,0.07109002478689788,0.0,0.19332675150058434,0.0,0.1632392688641466,0.0,0.07494723801854314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060945195737350376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680548151175914,0.0,0.06824375550416817,0.1351464365042725,0.0,0.0,0.07283191761370937,0.38401112280712985,0.07348850921729816,0.0,0.0675133523942008,0.0,0.0,0.07084705205385597,0.1121692962758808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416350327723196,0.033238027667968045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611276219068082,0.14853452698433356,0.057840164019083325,0.0,0.0,0.04541329406461589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685372042683698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741629020627915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490820504541488,0.0,0.051743003365602815,0.0,0.07982336465231325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108116047391534,0.0,0.12862844151855207,0.0,0.06515786720722032,0.0,0.1467045464002672,0.0,0.0,0.06839306770045095,0.07621376908367132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433756172769413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413875933804172,0.0,0.0,0.10820690359895142,0.0,0.06885414746401773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685917466893186,0.0,0.05627851554823532,0.07647318568845261,0.0,0.0,0.05764507725524917,0.05237597866308477,0.0,0.0,0.048154890413520134,0.0,0.054332124954129035,0.056879559001803616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441826960819005,0.0,0.12824267955439067,0.0,0.10230636156240472,0.0,0.059464807389721173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043593508043481215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082590372276333,0.0,0.058759623691719824,0.0,0.056135262577910884,0.04012827843595338,0.05400230663500427,0.05457285609856494,0.0,0.0,0.06306829788893457,0.2455607946341715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905927893575628,0.0,0.0,0.048329476925698736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dastanhuck,2019/01/12,"How do I meet new people? I feel like I'm not happy anymore with what I have and I want to meet new people to see if it gets better or to talk or make it more interesting or anything. But I'm not very charismatic. I try really hard to make people like me, but I'm just someone you talk to a few times and just forget afterwards
I'm terrible making new friends or talking to someone or just sounding interesting(even though I feel like I am interesting). I'd like to meet someone who lives close to me but at the same time I don't want to go out to meet them",3.5077118644067795,4.118146847457632,5.0625,85.03832627118646,72.0508474576271,8.272881355932205,26.614406779661017,8.472884824447931,1.5898440677966108,440,14,97,7,8,149,64,118,0.08199999999999999,0.747,0.172,0.8339,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,5,10,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,4,0,29,18,13,0,3,14,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,12,9,13,18,3,10,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,6,10,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228582790569202,0.0,0.0,0.11806536082356728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268894639753137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947620067670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508766715618865,0.2049930756596395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084623281850356,0.0,0.07495828058527004,0.0,0.08153853330089368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527287792813082,0.1285228721216165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803729959588595,0.0,0.1266885434123544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873063371971908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415698910605558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298396587091438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191193776981783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114328733951452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364690479842531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345952456185209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409606660822761,0.0,0.1673195373680815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974081770351748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183795553780244,0.16924719120145298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SearingCicatrix,2019/01/12,"Living with the tools Do I have a plan? Yes, I guess you could say that.

I have scalpel blades. I have rope and a very sturdy pole in my bedroom closet.

I've been sitting on my tools for about two weeks now, biding my time, waiting for the right opportunity to end it.

Tonight, I plan on getting a little bit closer by tying my noose and testing it out. I also plan on doing some bloodletting to take the edge off.",1.8189285714285717,3.8507904166666687,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.35714285714286,5.152380952380953,21.214285714285715,5.985473137389443,0.08381428571428584,321,9,68,2,8,104,60,84,0.0,0.929,0.071,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,11,1,13,9,2,15,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,5,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24035884305922264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32813520417417885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399738210652473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662081891265882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703092633081456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33110226778699736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30124148319948924,0.2654012228163751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566777934341658,0.0,0.2390184889999383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259847675371824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752597694411117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936048146048293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479946324074846,0.0,0.0,0.24109222556510634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,123ihateme,2019/01/12,"To family, I am so sorry  

Hudson,

You’re my best buddy. Truly. If it wasn’t for you a note with the same purpose of this one would have been written a long time ago. I’ve tried to become the father you need, but unfortunately I am unable to adapt. Every time I have felt myself take steps in the right direction, a hurricane comes through and knocks me back 100 paces and hurts all of those closest to me. I am the hurricane. I am so sorry for the damage I’ve done to you. This doesn’t justify anything, but just know that with everything you hate me with I hate myself 1000x more.

I love you, Son. Please be the man I couldn’t. Please take care of your mother.

Henry,

You are a ball of love and light in my life. It is especially hard leaving you because I know you will not remember me. You can’t remember the things I’ve done to our family. You might be the only one who doesn’t truly hate me. But I want you to know, that you should. I can sit here and say that I love you, but in the end; I wasn’t strong enough to stick it out for you. And I am eternally regretful of that. I hope that you can overcome this and become a stronger person than your father.

I love you, Son. Be strong. I am so sorry.

Madi,

You are my partner. My best friend. You’ll be in my thoughts in my final moments and I think that is important for you to know. I killed myself everyday over the pain I’ve caused you and our family. There is nothing I can say to make it okay or take it back. I just hope that you might not hate me when I am gone. I love you more than I love anyone or anything. I am so sorry.

Please be strong for our boys. Please, Momma. Please do what I couldn’t. It’s not fair for me to leave this burden on you, I know that.  

Goodbye.",0.5949681897050354,2.626791857142859,2.3446905725853107,95.31346732215157,83.72527472527473,5.58982070561018,17.271255060728745,6.8360192770164,-0.20106483516483475,1332,28,309,16,38,438,154,364,0.146,0.621,0.233,0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,3,25,0,5,11,26,5,0,15,1,40,8,0,2,1,50,70,20,1,10,12,6,2,0,2,6,2,2,0,4,22,13,0,0,10,1,0,3,10,10,0,2,9,5,71,16,36,48,7,26,0,3,0,6,48,10,0,7,12,221,93,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588674245874558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197143603748973,0.0,0.12233021008577807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430634276347268,0.0,0.04530928423010983,0.16417751503538627,0.0,0.0,0.15600401058806962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578172302922986,0.07635469917942006,0.0,0.06402646108622073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212544226882713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583200188709144,0.07680005803346031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262402787481038,0.0,0.06680066129893689,0.0,0.2102077318323106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136594603062872,0.08142201756170109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742515354765215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658273789108934,0.2935316199648612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764772923953426,0.0,0.0,0.07956900329728687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223223937617273,0.0,0.2042419358082344,0.0,0.0,0.1574039381258916,0.0,0.0,0.05249963039764535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577739709210832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025002033025679,0.0,0.04961410688557651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769922000312556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511281444130573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131913086808356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073231984780152,0.05652932588217605,0.0790895784872499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489980595044095,0.0,0.4079457451203285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683968766970888,0.06347518097460653,0.0,0.11821624023302522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33281369052572124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765483088749766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937981212742853,0.047625987326731255,0.0,0.0590076415217742,0.08668179225014021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046341567783117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384021763809495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280004199880104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotAManPurse,2019/01/12,It's going to snow tonight Maybe the comfort of my heating will outweigh my desire to walk to the train tracks,3.338181818181816,5.563379181818185,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,75.36363636363637,4.4,29.181818181818183,3.1291,0.7955636363636369,90,4,17,0,2,27,18,22,0.0,0.785,0.215,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923764668506026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8703823383385701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ah-ha-2,2019/01/12,"Help- I’m hiding from life. I now jump at every little thing. I don’t know what to do, Having a nervous breakdown and my mental state is distressed. I can’t move forward or backward. Don’t want to be here/or me any longer. ",-0.07631205673758856,2.1900554468085147,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,90.27659574468086,3.1333333333333333,18.471631205673766,3.1291,-0.7597347517730495,174,5,37,0,6,57,38,47,0.161,0.748,0.091,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269618322494844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33404942676744104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657505371819857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178936867970336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800438112172301,0.0,0.3973746527311138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995561070674209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213928787373292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26340205979766484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385272503776686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iheartvenlafaxine,2019/01/12,I want to die. I can't feel anything. I can't eat sleep or breathe I'm done . I can't function in life. I can't do anything anymore. I'm empty and finished. I can't even cry my eyes just burn. My chest hurts . my head hurts. I want to throw up all of the time. I can't breathe. I can't speak. I'm suffocating . my brain is holding me hostage . I want to die and free myself and i don't want to go back to an asylum it will work this time.,-2.8987235294117646,-1.3683347899999987,-0.0798823529411763,106.11241176470593,106.9,2.7529411764705887,15.882352941176471,4.514644488427479,-1.343970588235294,331,10,90,1,17,112,54,100,0.168,0.7140000000000001,0.118,-0.8292,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,12,9,7,0,1,12,21,4,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,2,8,2,0,0,1,3,17,2,8,19,1,8,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849651512394748,0.0,0.0,0.3069592754571262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341262117602094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820385733553845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486953974766964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871303170664232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086174831503416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908435559595296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318632973792093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430370787283958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599641134914056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141032369697727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993198995383793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173563993169066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664201922002524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175078431220773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400274121212143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577955451747115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seek1ngpeace,2019/01/12,"It's over for cripples. I can never be a real man. I refuse to continue this shitty existence in this ugly and useless body. I'm done. I am already suffering every day since two years. I always endured the pain, always had hope it would get better, but it won't. My genetics fucked up completely. I need to live for the rest of my life with a crooked spine. Because of a growth disorder my spine grew curved (kyphosis / scoliosis), my back looks like one from an 80-year old. The fact that there's no way of changing it destroys me. My 20s just started and my life is over. The option surgery will make things in longterm only worse. I did everything right in my life, I was always working hard for my success, I did nothing wrong. Now I'm getting fucked up by my trash genetics. My ugly back will make it impossible for me to ever get a girlfriend, my pain will make it impossible to ever achieve anything at work or in life at all. Everything I've achieved so far in life is worthless now. I can't enjoy life like this, I refuse to continue this shitty existence. I'm not even a real man, I'm just a fucking joke, an ugly cripple who's waiting for his end. Don't fucking tell me it'll get better. It CAN'T get better, that's a medically proven fact, I need to spend the rest of my life in this ugly and useless body. What's the point of fighting a battle I can never win? Getting help is also pointless, nobody can give me a new body. I'm not mentally ill, I'm physically ill, ending it is the only logical option. I wish I was aborted or killed at birth so I wouldn't need to give me the final bloody headshot. ",3.3882769230769227,4.791348812307696,4.765538461538462,84.05046153846156,73.18461538461537,7.415384615384617,28.384615384615394,7.976525956113202,1.830169230769231,1264,50,252,18,25,421,161,325,0.241,0.625,0.134,-0.992,0,0,0,0,2,0,42.0,0,0,0,9,13,25,8,0,19,0,25,21,5,3,7,36,54,9,1,7,7,0,1,2,1,7,12,0,0,2,19,4,0,3,1,1,1,2,10,15,0,2,6,2,33,10,33,40,3,38,0,4,1,4,12,16,4,5,21,157,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120224049462282,0.06609221140565394,0.20630501164744167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801085799315418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709979717932568,0.0,0.05038041369151073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928179243398932,0.0,0.2754042038868235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742882048249716,0.0,0.0866530667860145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533000224348944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471981299596208,0.0,0.0,0.08457585288242554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640017142481984,0.0,0.0,0.05458709769253272,0.1495166089192393,0.06963306715105877,0.0,0.1485543198614671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053497529387056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056206680167437,0.2590756649063586,0.15856371192098695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403484598499421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539606871981255,0.0,0.0,0.08208641789530505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914358791789918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40862865086466665,0.08075360918842378,0.0,0.07297819170055239,0.0,0.06940207190976025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550112889462326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325744631485611,0.08328802567714247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384353925048,0.127483833740031,0.07982030569025869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930134801964699,0.0,0.08672338288844603,0.0,0.05600326767759134,0.1257124614541434,0.17588296750125906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812746141759998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881391521634058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057948345427739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836586839156239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849747222986331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223650368764492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490652534598421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073342020455211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560078126234911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503915931363142,0.0,0.0,0.12033497260389868,0.0,0.0842236341967096,0.058709555977955685,0.09036074839234287,0.0,0.10644300726615426
suicidewatch,_intotherosegarden,2019/01/12,How much Ibuprofen does it take to O.D.? Really considering it tonight. Had enough.,3.444047619047616,5.998351500000003,3.087142857142858,81.24119047619047,105.42857142857143,7.580952380952381,26.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,2.8795523809523806,67,3,11,2,3,20,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781529096431385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645708712317771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016623229482285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500338691415568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41082014937685024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayaway5285201,2019/01/12,"My life has been nothing but a bunch of White People Problems and I’m still on the verge of suicide. I  feel like I don’t even have a reason to post in this sub, like somehow my struggles aren’t even that big of a deal that I should feel like this.

But I feel like tonight was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

I’ve struggled with bipolar and major depressive disorder my entire life. Ever since I got into an almost fatal car accident about 4 years ago I’ve also got to add chronic panic attacks, generalized, and social anxiety to the mix.

Everything in my life has been slowly deteriorating since the car accident and for the most part I can’t even function as a productive member of society anymore. 

But just now I was driving my fiancé and myself to meet his friends for dinner and I had a massive panic attack behind the wheel. The snowy and slick weather was almost identical to the night we were in our car accident and I just flipped out and started screaming. I dropped him off at his friends house and cried the entire way home. This is par for the course for how my last few years have gone when I have to do anything besides stay in my house.

I came home and had several more panic attacks, followed by some self harm for the first time in years.

I can’t live like this anymore. Every single day is harder to get through than the last. All I think about all day is what life would be like for the people in my life if I killed myself. I can’t even remember the last time I enjoyed anything or was even remotely content, not even happy.

I have a friend who could get me heroine so I could OD in peace and not have my family worry that I killed myself. Every day it gets harder not to call him up.

Idk I don’t even know why I’m writing this tbh I’ll probably just chicken out at the last minute like I’ve always done. It just feels more real this time, I guess.",4.954824561403509,5.385730921052637,5.4592105263157915,84.12364035087722,68.73684210526315,8.122807017543861,28.7280701754386,7.9370924344782425,1.711649122807017,1490,49,302,17,24,479,193,380,0.228,0.6629999999999999,0.11,-0.9955,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,2,0,0,1,22,28,5,5,23,0,32,8,0,2,3,57,50,22,5,6,12,0,4,7,3,2,7,1,2,1,14,19,1,0,8,0,0,7,9,16,0,1,14,6,42,12,42,31,11,51,0,2,1,0,16,17,0,8,30,204,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487581145377284,0.0,0.14657230843298688,0.0,0.0,0.05852757397894834,0.060897401648502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055987813085807886,0.0,0.14516356829291535,0.0,0.0,0.12045324064389115,0.0,0.0,0.24978214879543814,0.0,0.05627624362926028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473205427975066,0.08370636857644231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686764161988054,0.0,0.0803924231808268,0.1415985759800598,0.07545252731698597,0.0630358090296167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838785803120983,0.0,0.0,0.07489565534472879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33837501142467996,0.06620178235444595,0.12332631644145682,0.0,0.06577570761114361,0.0,0.06899413886902042,0.0,0.1480220749296748,0.1568543057454903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225277856568444,0.0,0.0,0.16963215793803108,0.0,0.11471147523636188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170685723507678,0.0,0.08062367178113895,0.0,0.0,0.07790886452932838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682494753226402,0.0,0.0,0.1688958179802277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194102358393234,0.0,0.04022163131450972,0.23862851528128184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25847052046950203,0.25028811373731435,0.0,0.06462541383868063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868099065450489,0.0,0.07022484819524695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576073350669169,0.0,0.07925433010198023,0.0,0.10147722600860187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009286317361323,0.0,0.07890790581802101,0.07003002285542657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330276678893493,0.0,0.07524836937667513,0.0,0.0,0.08290654245689177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634994577230157,0.0826804167265515,0.0,0.12108199543705744,0.0,0.0,0.07460487442084257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180209680836787,0.07800754620907795,0.05844718931990174,0.0,0.0,0.15302177232493971,0.0,0.08005463979775422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689523960064392,0.0,0.0,0.12802768965280864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809239086953132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603983493028377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432489586659467,0.0,0.05198990633981209,0.0,0.0,0.14138998037320866
suicidewatch,cryogenicallyfrozen1,2019/01/12,"I'm so sick of life. Idk what to do anymore. I've applied for every job in my town got about 10 interviews and no job. We are about to be evicted and my mom always raises my anxiety when we get an eviction notice. She's always like, ""Start packing a bag because we wont be here next week"" , ""Go call your dad and tell him to take you and your brother. I'll just live in the car with your sisters"" etc. I'm so sick this shit. I was gonna go to college and take a psav course and get a job with a certificate. Ik I'm rambling. Idk I'm just sick of this. ",-0.05469945355191541,1.6274727377049203,2.2061475409836078,97.35353825136616,83.91803278688525,5.050273224043716,20.8224043715847,5.985473137389443,-0.10480546448087448,422,13,104,3,12,143,79,122,0.2,0.7809999999999999,0.02,-0.9664,6,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,4,0,0,8,2,1,0,6,0,6,5,1,0,0,13,19,9,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,13,1,13,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,16,3,1,0,5,55,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031668391375171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393626646126701,0.0,0.1806677254117656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110516219503958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602009334500627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031722431459977,0.0,0.0,0.1534895107423248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190356864818522,0.0,0.2070674439150471,0.0,0.145701245378164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423389624777586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867493288672258,0.08900104843952436,0.0,0.16086304104165913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133600685540055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937441897407857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074063856827303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869990645340522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894374410861964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739444569950236,0.0,0.15922816647872126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612905006371268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abrokenpinky,2019/01/12,"The worst part is when it's not over We always talk about how awful suicidal feelings are (and they really are), but does anyone here feel that the worst part is after a particularly bad episode, the kind of moment where you feel like you just want to hurt yourself in any way possible with the first thing you find, it all goes quiet and your brain settles down and you feel all those possibilities being exhausted one after the other. You realize you're not going to do it. You're going to live and it's going to happen again.

That's what always breaks me. ",4.65461009174312,6.086492385321102,5.312740825688074,81.24048738532112,70.10091743119266,8.018807339449541,22.799311926605505,8.472884824447931,1.2856688073394489,446,10,85,7,8,144,74,109,0.208,0.754,0.038,-0.9729,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,6,1,1,7,7,0,0,6,1,6,2,1,1,2,20,15,7,1,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,5,0,2,0,5,9,2,12,14,6,15,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,7,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878098072023281,0.0,0.0,0.11760919192580953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092784522343505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440266314780548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306490206861224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134618606878408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497867207298675,0.12355263736876555,0.0,0.0,0.1580694857594102,0.1471077559286932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948675452794281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293555239134948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514224060263348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009661680078135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449266636502216,0.0,0.15271446230693875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719266689846178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745672696884548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899411969524741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079361857070463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917482373741176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900742168434288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489761941156475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200801550445902,0.1372764630631279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yukikitten,2019/01/12,"Want to die again My meds are all wrong and I can’t get my insurance to switch my plan so I can go to a doctor that will fix my medication. I’ve been super suicidal for weeks now. I’ve started to harm myself and drink to the point I pass out. I’ve now missed work to try to go down to an office to get my insurance fixed but they couldn’t help me. I guess the problem is a glitch in their computer system. Right now again all I want to do is hurt myself. I know everyone will say go to the er but with my financial situation I can’t afford it and my insurance isn’t working right now. 
The only thing I can think of is maybe I should go find some drugs. Everyone does heroin or whatever it’s called these days so why not? People are happy on it and that’s all I want right now. I’m sick of everything right now and it’s better than killing your self and if I get a bad batch and OD then whatever 
",1.3192844147968472,2.8830704432989727,3.2760521528198936,91.90051243177685,79.10309278350515,7.245118253486963,20.174651303820497,8.124751697461798,0.6682016979987879,702,17,166,13,17,237,109,194,0.206,0.727,0.067,-0.9861,1,0,2,0,0,3,10.0,0,1,2,5,10,10,1,0,8,0,16,5,0,0,3,28,32,14,4,7,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,8,9,1,0,3,1,0,5,5,7,1,0,1,1,24,3,20,27,4,27,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,4,12,103,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943296341864156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115915455042079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383099534568646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452543577443161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602373713424054,0.0,0.0,0.1341495551632852,0.11469498749246487,0.0,0.0,0.1283928210271808,0.15199262710829045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504745325921918,0.1177918699546762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979011934847343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542658777967146,0.0,0.29794676074526105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438176960187474,0.0,0.0,0.13952006253141966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784943485627998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030672012174195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500289455718451,0.0,0.07202934544121868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167140175108544,0.0,0.14558255502974626,0.13203318891330035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968007611692256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086327341419148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389784132528603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254105450887142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477117511906655,0.0,0.10422735138612227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672833345442986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732142462754594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276777205810016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336274078681188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870730962148869,0.08398051750638381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889838510788284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23191482454201534,0.0,0.1051316331869334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826487210026412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083230238173124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329790656459948,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chri126y,2019/01/12,"Fuck you I hate you if you have anyone that likes you, this post is probably gonna be removed because ""bad words"" but I fucking hate all you anyway so Fuck you

This is a really desperate to reach out about help but don't know what the fuck else to do and if you don't like it I would like to punch you in your dumbass face",-0.031714285714286916,2.0692540428571458,1.8139285714285731,97.64232142857144,87.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,17.32142857142857,7.1686216300943375,-0.04414285714285704,253,6,61,4,8,83,48,70,0.381,0.5429999999999999,0.076,-0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,9,0,0,3,10,6,0,2,0,8,5,1,0,1,10,16,6,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,12,3,6,13,1,4,0,0,0,4,10,2,4,2,3,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378643228948055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462689252665896,0.120191671954695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647084121192074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7291138833787078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893248014686337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215743244826456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083582765217992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28897870998530983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883226765671024,0.0,0.21258025592066748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631075313624662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006236105792993,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maxim-the-great,2019/01/12,"help Do any of you know the most painless way of killing myself? All my current options are somewhat painful and I can't buy a gun in my country, so any advice? ",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,78.0909090909091,4.4,32.21212121212121,3.1291,1.1390484848484856,126,7,26,0,3,40,30,33,0.177,0.631,0.192,-0.2819,1,0,0,1,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820439147724455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317356527382653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26205384345997124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325419496858015,0.0,0.2148627005473329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160115392481421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103277409580341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrRanger34,2019/01/12,"I just tried With a belt, but that would take too long. I don't want to live, but I don't know how to effectively do it",0.8775000000000013,1.1953346071428612,2.934285714285714,98.96071428571429,77.92857142857143,7.028571428571429,17.571428571428573,7.1686216300943375,-0.5331285714285716,91,1,27,1,2,31,21,28,0.053,0.794,0.153,0.5449,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28403692177863465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563714353571582,0.4573793652787176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38859275641375984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508944721573917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304840443730456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671420695209999,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReformedAtLast,2019/01/12,"Long post ahead. I don't really know why I am doing this but I feel like it's kind of my last hope of letting it out without people constantly trying to help me with the shitty ""you need to move forward"" and shit like that.

Who am I, well I am a lonely man of 26 years, I feel like I lived my life and there's nothing I can do to live a little more.

Why, I have a lot of issues, depression, anxiety, self loathing, loneliness and other stuff.. 

Why do I have all of those well it comes back to my teenage years, and a divorce that was really messy, we were exposed to everything.. The hate that ensued, the fear of not understanding, all that goes with it. 
I couldn't help but feel responsible for it, I mean I was bullied at school and when I came back home, insults were flying around like you say hello. And it also didn't help that for the first time of my life I was not at the top of my class, so yeah add dissapointment to the vocabulary of my parents. And if only it was just for the school side of things, but no, it didn't stop there, you see I picked up the guitar, and my mom just like my dad didn't encourage me to pursue learning it. 

So the self loathing comes from that.. But hey whatever everyone has a shitty teenage period. 

So the next thing to explore is when this situation became even worse... 
I come from a family of 6 Mom dad 2 sisters and a brother, how did it get worse? Well, my older sister left the house to go live with my dad because tensions were rising between my mom and her. Not without the doing of my father confessing everything to her, how he missed us and so on and so forth. 

I was left to tend to my younger bro and sis, but it was too much for me, my brother was having a hard time and was acting out, so my mom was constantly on his tail, and I saw him turn red of anger, and was sweating so much you would have thought he had a fever. 

So I did the only thing I thought of, go to my dad's, since whenever we went there, he was okay. And so, comes à fateful Wednesday of the month of October 2007. When we told my mom we were going to our dad's, evidently she didn't took it well, throwing me and my bro out on the curb to wait for our dad to pick us up. But I couldn't let my sister behind so I made a stand for her, telling my mom that she also wanted to come, because we always were raised to support ourselves. 

And so we did, and with that I told my mom to leave us alone, because at that moment I hated her, she was hurting those who she should have supported.. I know that's a mistake, now looking at it, and now since I understand what it Feel to be left on the curb alone... 

While at our dad's everything went fine, up until I went away for university, from which I dropped out of, because my younger sister was bullied by my brother... (slaps in the face and shit like that) 
So I came back home trying to fix things for my family that was breaking apart.. I failed again. 

Oh and on a good note, I found love at that time, she became my escape from my shitty family, because whenever I visited her I felt like loved by her and even her family. So a big change for me. 

So the depression began, everytime I had to come back home I felt like I was torn inside out, fear, stress, up to the point where I lived with her mom for a while cause my dad kicked me out, saying I was a piece of shit and I gave him nothing but trouble. 

Huge problem, I had to find a way to get myself a home because I couldn't impose myself on her mom for too long. So I tried contacting my mom whom I hadn't been in touch for seven years now. It went well up to the point where my little sister called me in the middle of the night, at that time she was 14, and she told me that she missed me and she wished I was there with her, because nobody was defending her against my little bro.. And that night she explained everything, how she was treated, and how my bro slapped her so hard that she had a busted lip... I was raging, I remember I couldn't sleep... 

After a while I finally got her to visit me by buying her a train ticket and propose her to meet my mom again.. 

And everything was fine, she expressed the desire to stay, so my mom did all she could to make her feel better. It worked for a while... But it was too good to be true. All the cool things were fast to pass. And the cycle began anew. 

So I decided to get a job far away, and move in with my gf at the time (7years we knew each other). 

But you know how we say that life always find a way to mess with you, we'll for me it was a lung infection that nearly killed me. Oh and also my girlfriend who cheated on me. So she kicked me out since I lost my job and couldn't pay for shit. Disspointment again because everything was my fault. And even my mom still thinks that it is my fault. 

So back to square one, back to mom's with a depression that is kicking my ass since a fucking long year.. (2018)

And now comes the big fight of tonight, (my mom remarried) where my mom and her new hubby told me I had to move out soon because for a year already I am staying, and I am struggling to get back up on my feet. Failed therapy, failed job interviews and my inability to connect to others was even stronger than before. 

So with nowhere left to go, and no one to talk to, I called a suicide hotline prevention, and shit hit the fan. Because my mom and new hubby lost a parent to suicide. And they caught me talking to him about what I could do and how to not go through with it (he was really helpful more so than anyone) and they gave me shit for it saying :,""people who wants to kill themselves just do it, they don't talk about it so stop with your threats""... So I snapped and told them to fuck off of my life, since I am the source of their problems (their words) Imagine how I feel now, laying in my hotel room bed with my sister worrying about me and nothing I can do for her... 


Sorry for the long post but I wanted to do it for a while and never did it, because I am ashamed of myself and family. 

But anyway I hope I can get some sleep tonight after laying it all out,also hopefully stopping those thoughts. 


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suicidewatch,trashywreck,2019/01/12,Is there an actual good reason to live I don't see the point anymore. I just don't think it's worth it. ,-1.5337499999999975,0.3452831250000017,1.2966666666666669,100.015,92.75,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-1.0519833333333333,81,1,21,1,3,28,20,24,0.077,0.7879999999999999,0.134,0.3036,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.3852778778429679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915457056487915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33114812832107765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486247074507375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732233252961433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059307198492051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146126741492815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25297848347117835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon3690999,2019/01/12,"I'm very close to killing myself So I'm 15 and not one of those ""fake depressed teens"" I have never posted everything about my ""depression"" on Instagram, Twitter etc. The only way I have ever spoken with anybody at all about my problems is on advice subreddits. This is my thing. Problems. I have done a lot of bad things in my life that I regret SO much. But the main thing I have had a big fear of is being watched to the point where I have panic attacks. So I asked on reddit why my friends are calling me ugly and boom on the same day my friend mentions that I'm Ugly in every sentence. A LOT of stuff like this has been happening and it's driving me insane. Also I am very awkward. I'm energetic when I'm with my supposed friends but as soon as they leave I'm very passive it's like I have 2 entirely different personalities. I miserably try to fit in with the cool kids and I can't get any girl because none of them will even consider anything with me. I had one girlfriend and everybody always says stuff like ""it's a miracle that you ever got a girl to look at you"" yes even my friends literally bully me. I know it's meant to be funny but I can't speak about any of my problems with friends. With my always trying desperately to be funny and edgy personality I can't get anyone to ever take me seriously. I'm thinking about way too many things way too much all the time and can't be serious with anyone. I have literally nobody to talk to personally. And a lot of times I'm thinking about just ending it ",2.537756202804747,4.391186572815535,4.377540453074435,84.06160733549085,76.47572815533981,7.166774541531824,26.00755124056095,8.045849151850463,1.6188023732470338,1197,45,242,20,27,406,154,309,0.14400000000000002,0.698,0.158,0.8683,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,2,0,20,25,2,4,12,2,26,1,0,0,6,39,45,18,1,4,5,0,0,3,6,1,1,3,0,6,17,16,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,16,0,2,6,6,36,9,39,34,11,29,0,4,2,0,22,14,0,3,13,171,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972799222545665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343050840936788,0.15280753531548755,0.0,0.0,0.12488504768703185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840900842976127,0.0,0.0755621846141981,0.0,0.08584174563777118,0.10446147533941674,0.0,0.0,0.07666804430016047,0.05597421106907366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376115166182006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059217987450941825,0.0,0.1581733596784819,0.0,0.0,0.09593508448312256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939664106288495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813275784718522,0.0,0.10240648287254213,0.12129593641684712,0.2491764243111364,0.07736450958831867,0.0,0.08252424152433649,0.0,0.0,0.10332596497151177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547096053234711,0.0,0.09594704825255453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343892973906427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119843117995633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158811382117756,0.0,0.05046330533947873,0.0,0.0,0.09722688633764708,0.0,0.0,0.06485702528430856,0.13457966799299945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771078666700694,0.0,0.0,0.2341928994135389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309371487670533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500036786448902,0.0,0.07081925787026236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444275446954267,0.0698352329392713,0.0,0.107734049086846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405278850684969,0.0,0.0,0.08680204657423317,0.0,0.0879406787056982,0.0,0.0,0.2635855118841897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302102532661918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102298412166691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903917560020639,0.07380353610817912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440114491797778,0.11767244229507975,0.0,0.0,0.1070850051528872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468305021425301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272898102108396,0.0,0.21865354257463734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285562384570593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ticoune0825,2019/01/12,"I have very few options after a big mistake, I contemplate death regularly but I believe it's not the right path I've been a delivery driver for 3 years and a couple months ago after prolonged money issues and due to a sudden stressful situation, I lost my temper. I was alone on a road where I've never ever saw a cop, but this morning there was one. I was driving twice the speed limit causing a 3 months license suspension, plus now my driving record will be affected for the 10 following years . I dearly loved my job, it was one of the greatest thing I had in life aside my girlfriend. Driving is my pation. But now I can forget all my ideas about becoming a trucker or having a better paying job on the roads. It kills me. I've found another job but it's not easy, plus I'm having a lot of issues with some asshole there. Before I would not dear Mondays, I was happy to go to work and drive all day, it was not easy always but I truly loved it. Nowadays while I'm at work I just think about my ancient job and colleagues and how I could just end all of this and never suffer from it again. I have no hopes these days, I don't really have any more will to live, other than to spend some quality time with my girlfriend, but even there, I'm still troubled in my mind constantly about all these issues",4.22594696969697,5.055392731060606,5.237575757575758,83.63469696969699,70.55303030303031,7.684848484848485,26.78787878787879,7.793537801064563,1.5021151515151523,1027,32,204,12,18,338,149,264,0.14800000000000002,0.711,0.141,0.5968,4,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,5,16,14,2,1,15,0,21,3,0,3,7,47,33,17,2,4,13,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,13,10,0,1,3,0,3,6,8,7,0,3,11,1,26,7,26,17,10,41,0,2,1,2,4,10,0,6,25,148,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421917702448544,0.0,0.0,0.12176760696569533,0.0,0.0,0.0978280955646888,0.0,0.0,0.07995198898080391,0.12328294711223507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984740832821262,0.10004385769171256,0.13246172122696176,0.0,0.10398157550572804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077731594355133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270519703324931,0.0,0.0938704977824839,0.1300895501990693,0.0,0.15164652511510324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413258878055737,0.0,0.0,0.0776542232351094,0.10634927132203474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891001273441202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681803903516123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515601057174186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677405997506407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272281251560442,0.0,0.36813924840962703,0.466682420374365,0.0,0.13007436690365062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830435391089212,0.0,0.0,0.10381692797681996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283421169738945,0.09995425638793597,0.212223978982556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871271512955392,0.0,0.18768734347466168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813552744620488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933766160739388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753186891777668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004045863520404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215419663374198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938919735077967,0.0,0.1346766396899684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810863292818936,0.07533444542774875,0.0,0.0,0.06855631887533016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700799648952199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711854855923621,0.0,0.0,0.083518728026641,0.0,0.0,0.15142312739578082
suicidewatch,Small3276,2019/01/12,"Here is my reason (prepare for some suicidal buddhsim lmfao) Everywhere anyone turns in life they suffer
People have desires its human nature weather its love or a new car or anything else
But when you get the thing it always disappears because nothing is permanent ever
So when you lose it you suffer
Or you can just not get it then suffer
So we have the problem of suffering here and imo its the meaning of life so we need to change human nature

Happiness is not a way of escaping suffering because it always fades and life returns to the normal suffering

So we should kill ourselves to escape suffering because when you die you don't suffer its nothing here is why

So basically we experience life through electrical impulses in our brain weather its love or pain or looking at something its all impulses in nerves

So when we die all of those impulses stop so pain and suffering and desire also stop so its a good way of escaping suffering

",7.140888311688311,8.076371920000003,7.539116883116883,69.34670129870129,64.08571428571429,10.706493506493509,37.051948051948045,10.637119530657019,4.3858,766,37,120,19,11,251,92,175,0.311,0.605,0.084,-0.9939,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,6,6,1,1,18,19,1,0,7,0,9,9,1,1,3,32,17,24,4,6,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,13,9,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,15,0,0,0,1,14,4,14,16,3,19,0,11,1,2,17,4,0,6,11,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477621995482836,0.2180373836132692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161185727063316,0.0,0.1078178572762618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396047519408045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626105525653446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860122290418145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719550416622707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094499521377332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851460837700248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816217881688466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690452714397494,0.0,0.0,0.1098929122511444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947265829422498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495362743758333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701716953351585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002335369150304,0.14657726943509866,0.0,0.0,0.23650036755931786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427186085970138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714927420396258,0.0,0.1265394170961079,0.0,0.0,0.12837125901849927,0.2514334232765627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788278996463322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083240112179812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253679347922577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470983273437154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008651862770779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907628117003916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331403093644465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704351169756837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251155627097828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079943079696825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118224689663795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,themagicclap,2019/01/12,"Increasingly obsessing about how to make this quick and painless I feel bad evening posting here or calling suicide hotlines or even talking to my psych about this. It's not like I'm in crisis, it's just a creeping feeling that seems to increasingly dominate my thoughts. Life hasn't been the same since the trauma happened, it's just getting worse as the years go on. 

""It'll get better"" ""Your life has meaning and value"" ""people will miss you"", these just feel like empty sentiments. The truth is my life is getting harder, everything is getting harder, nothing is likely to improve, the world would be better off without me, it would be indifferent. I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I was barely a teenager. The medication helps to turn everything into a dull ache. I'm always tired, the past haunts me everyday and everyday I get a little more closed off, I spend a little less time out of bed. 

​

It feels like I'm trying to slowly come to terms with the end, with that last moment of panic, I don't want there to be panic. every room I enter I look at the lock, the structures that could hold my weight, the space under the door where I could leave a note to warn someone, to prevent that trauma from being passed on. I go over the different methods and weigh up the pros and cons. I've lost everything that had deeper value in life, I've lost myself, what other option is there. PTSD doesn't get better, it gets worse. 

​

I feel like on some kind of spiritual level, if life were to have some kind of innate meaning, if everyone has a purpose, then I've already fulfilled mine. That the only reason I'm still here is that I'm scared. I'm scared of the sudden realization that I'm going to die, of the panic, of my body's reflexes kicking in, of surviving in a state worse than I am now. ",5.8300932400932375,6.416933113960116,6.197514892514893,79.04626456876458,66.86324786324786,8.547060347060349,29.91465941465941,8.438071523408619,2.18185925925926,1437,49,265,19,22,463,190,351,0.217,0.701,0.08199999999999999,-0.993,2,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,2,0,6,16,24,0,6,26,0,28,10,1,3,1,44,64,12,2,7,9,0,6,5,0,4,7,0,3,0,20,11,2,2,10,0,1,8,5,13,0,0,8,8,22,11,43,46,8,47,0,4,2,0,5,23,0,8,19,168,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654727171783468,0.0,0.06525839644204391,0.16995345657815422,0.1905972604577512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548412182745234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808963430758295,0.0,0.08711585130934793,0.0,0.0,0.08008377850446889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755879584039154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523678649045414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139590390007309,0.08194058968328975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946394818331518,0.0,0.0,0.10360193676518634,0.0,0.06607899050050453,0.07494133529124197,0.2114581453730824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827782028554464,0.16808698221745172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868278288480553,0.0,0.1337173556022006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935364020463393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256864947167751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334143066631654,0.0,0.06392930499106643,0.0,0.08304395042231456,0.0,0.0,0.27698015410802185,0.19157984822309287,0.1572109622043505,0.0,0.0,0.06585978527258726,0.0,0.1712268996211901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235131320739811,0.0,0.0,0.17086221427056278,0.0,0.07900798039243044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752538016327747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964804428478401,0.0,0.2760551541296973,0.0,0.0,0.07486842062653219,0.05437211494614835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511236487795386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916781599124999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063706804346417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570402623587238,0.0,0.0624969788493368,0.07139792502205787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975293930984355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664518079212745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263271910313377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857875258964416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303747270353502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622630884006565,0.04573200990931205,0.0901414732323794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324747829801765,0.08530716597846914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625887895040638,0.0,0.0,0.0955042012860557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560181380263402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239774561930282,0.1114260322136962,0.0,0.1905972604577512,0.05050507434008955
suicidewatch,NormanHobbit,2019/01/12,"I'm too broken. Life is too much. It's getting harder to convince myself that life is worth living, that anyone would care if I worked up the courage to end it, that my staying actually benefits anyone. 

Life isn't fair I know but it has simply thrown too much at me for me to take on. Between the constant physical pain and the pain in my head that are the thoughts from the moment I wake up to when I finally sleep again and the memories I wish I couldn't remember but tear into me nonetheless, it's all unbearable. Like a constant wail of despair in the back of my head begging me to show it mercy and finally put an end to it.

It's rough, I know others may be sad temporarily but in the end they'd move on. They'd find less selfish friends who have it all together, friends who don't need them to forget about themselves. My family barely know the person I've become, they don't know any of the things that I've struggled through. I've smiled through because they don't deserve the burden of my misery.

If life has shown me anything so far it's that there's no fairy tale ending. No one will ever show me the same love I show them. No one will ever feel the need to put themselves before me for I am simply not fixable and cannot be made happy so what's the point in their trying. Sometimes life is just shit to some people, some are just plainly unlucky. Some people exist to be taken from and I get now that I must be one of those. 

I'm posting this because I want help, but I am struggling to keep up the charade that I can go on. What am I to do? I can feel the tipping point is close and I'm kind of just as scared as I am helpless.",4.093180492976412,4.432337344023324,5.008238802014317,86.92509607739203,70.60349854227404,7.6357805459846295,27.835807050092765,7.348242739294969,1.346610495626822,1291,42,278,12,22,422,167,343,0.165,0.716,0.119,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,7,1,16,21,1,3,18,0,33,13,5,1,5,46,56,17,0,9,10,0,3,1,2,5,7,0,0,1,25,8,0,1,9,3,1,4,10,11,0,3,3,3,37,10,40,41,9,37,0,3,0,1,14,16,1,6,16,194,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0931895363779444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494000824915938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354492344980687,0.0,0.07858440995222643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342991149582569,0.0,0.11642597079116268,0.1054669417916626,0.08125937861705235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973637171920042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063927641236048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383215982801544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727617447666799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002437234898776,0.0,0.09657048125954824,0.0,0.0,0.2092206398638394,0.08728087950499558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475587037672516,0.0,0.09978459744225082,0.0,0.05427212082463436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165641233656117,0.0,0.0,0.19601124382498167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400841722152141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488051833528999,0.0,0.09944355189572428,0.20992665019358556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372554068709616,0.0466541293319939,0.0,0.08432400800980404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618814316868068,0.09035986384897568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149628099500728,0.14039991440336105,0.14161695629034388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413004962897706,0.0,0.20322724384868546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132408690490124,0.08338272211015073,0.0,0.0,0.18054765482257049,0.0,0.0914580008792796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199809674529456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081774418907586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560735090835892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802444684302383,0.0,0.0,0.09556416192900734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444719108521354,0.0,0.0,0.10178517336506918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966462709875094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180050319920127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344276523133192,0.0,0.0,0.07581251905656984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483496991357382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632554105565801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981476307458353,0.0,0.0,0.06952164035076999,0.0,0.0,0.06783704766008475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yongensha,2019/01/12,"i think i just care too much i used to be really close with this person and i feel like my depression and anxiety created this weird distance between us and i can’t help but resent myself for it. 

granted i realized i was becoming too emotionally dependent on them and i didn’t want to be. on top of that though, the way how dismissive they are about how i feel is... making me feel almost embarrassed for even caring for someone so much when it doesn’t seem they are hesitant to do the same. we used to talk a lot and wouldn’t hesitate to call me when i was feeling down, but i guess i just got too comfortable. 

and i’m not saying they should be my replacement therapist or anything, or that they should only pay attention to me, because i know they don’t have any obligation to me. 

but when i reach out it really feels like they don’t care, and when i tried joining back into the server they own, i stupidly keep leaving and rejoining because of the fear that i’m gonna have some impulsive mental breakdown in chat because of my depression, and i just have extreme shame and guilt from all the other times that i did. 

they’re more active and much more like themselves in there, which is how we would generally be before when i wasn’t like this. we’d usually text each other but seeing how they’re more active somewhere else and taking a while to respond back to me just... kind of hurts a little. but what they’re doing isn’t wrong at all. 

it just kind of sucks feeling like someone close to you has been kind of unreachable and unresponsive on purpose and you just can’t help but assume the worst i guess but i don’t want to overthink

i probably sound like the bad guy here and i’m sorry. i’m just really hurt and i don’t know who to go to about this anymore. i keep reprimanding myself that maybe if i wasn’t so fucking depressed and hard to talk to, things wouldn’t have ended up like this. i really love them and it just sucks feeling like this. i’m so scared. 

it’s my fault that they’re distancing themselves from me and i can’t help but hate myself for it",4.812702463228778,5.3854610287081375,5.494189261031369,83.24617667907144,69.09569377990431,9.063405989721778,27.92167286904129,9.150863307647796,2.0794127946127947,1642,52,337,30,27,533,186,418,0.19,0.647,0.163,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,4,2,9,1,31,37,6,5,10,0,37,2,0,8,2,87,75,44,0,8,20,0,8,8,0,6,0,2,0,2,25,27,0,2,14,1,1,1,15,21,0,0,8,11,55,16,41,56,14,27,0,5,1,2,28,14,3,11,19,242,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301188267395962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637450833539726,0.0,0.06341789688296519,0.0,0.08221403639265347,0.0,0.0,0.06821923176982983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274892094810442,0.06921762664958035,0.15160431229791413,0.0915559937462728,0.07054137565859514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464966661408574,0.0,0.2535647207810581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420367487015765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692519016859067,0.0932507887796189,0.07342435840596148,0.0,0.0,0.05475434333594308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328499418356426,0.2934153754556337,0.2368937009481233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663925952523308,0.0,0.0,0.047113700941786414,0.0,0.06630230973835698,0.0,0.1826463089567743,0.08208354658068905,0.0,0.0,0.07426167624296635,0.08184610162982338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669737874126098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749127623751326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473697838179005,0.0,0.2589812426757547,0.0911188034174103,0.0,0.0,0.08777860946175657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32400409840616096,0.0830870857194587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047819737484001,0.07482004278214881,0.0,0.0553360654626023,0.0,0.08328369845900559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354320611412434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282203124582594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304881159681333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238465299529208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937969101862404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243019091783533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592501627978654,0.08299686966513897,0.0,0.0660601750164512,0.07546859879641453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048096859279066,0.0,0.0,0.09279921237046154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233011321093398,0.13326296906060695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625271852336448,0.055074749661749085,0.05311865753244517,0.0814483459231242,0.0,0.04833936990372285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056283324415273873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971790124237134,0.14319711662124668,0.09130209635088612,0.0,0.09779255560162503,0.06580177097116714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058889432136955314,0.0906375984566024,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dont_mind_me_please,2019/01/12,"I finally feel like i've given up It's currently 21:22 and i feel that i've finally given up. While i'm not doing anything tonight, i am for the first time actively searching online for ways to die in a painless manner. Nothing changes, life always remains the same with the same pain and the same issues. If one issue is solved, another shows up in an endless cycle. There's nothing i want to do, no plans, no desires, not anything i want to do. I've been to a psychologist but i realise that to them i'm just a random person with a problem. They don't remember me for more than maybe, if they even remember to book me in, a moment when i show up. I'm just so tired... Goodnight for today. Sorry.. had to post here to just empty my heart. It hurts so much",2.0037142857142847,3.8702303161290352,3.877534562211984,86.98201612903227,78.09677419354837,6.493087557603687,25.264976958525338,7.447530270364453,1.2841428571428568,589,22,120,8,14,199,93,155,0.135,0.82,0.044,-0.9076,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,2,9,4,0,0,10,0,8,4,1,0,0,24,17,9,1,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,2,13,1,22,13,5,19,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,3,11,83,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805564515138115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613756992558612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329023938096834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280390751015422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972205194867986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164832094197113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563112537357218,0.10994491704231217,0.0,0.3371759486822351,0.0,0.13090574484126435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237012824748264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475122439782294,0.0,0.0,0.3212595092682519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870286204452384,0.07518689517294387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461144439729102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113132897319945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953389799192315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042854148200968,0.0,0.1637585536191634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437798703557274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739195057964055,0.0,0.0,0.14725980935080196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34867335860622245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227645420418486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973928800422255,0.17688336120731635,0.14587751495896678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154631161477566,0.12215724135689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Da_Filthy_Frank,2019/01/12,"My life in a nutshell. Was born by accident, I’m the product of two teens. Never met my dad, but I did meet the guy my mom was dating when I was roughly 3 mob that old. The guy and I clicked, and now I’ve been living with my adoptive dad for roughly 20. Years.

Been living with my dad and spending my years with his side of the family after mom and dad split. Though I’d say I never truly clicked with them, never really clicked with anyone with the exception of my brother. He’s the only guy I can truly be myself around. 

Never had too many friends growing up, but I had one who was always at my side. She was this small Boxxer girl. Got her when she was a few months old. We grew up together, I loved her so fucking much. She was dumb as hell, but she loved to cuddle, and she always made this noise that sounded like Chewbacca. Soon enough she got old, old to the point where she was going to the vet a few times a year for issues. Dad didn’t want to deal with the bills so he gave her up even though I didn’t want her to go. I said my goodbye to her before she was dropped off to a new owner.

That was almost 2 years ago, she was 12 at the time. She’s probably gone now.

Anyway, that’s pretty much it for friends. I got through high school under the constant pressure of doing my absolute best, and whatever I did was not good enough for me. My grades were a constant burden up until I got my first D in my final report card. I snapped. 

Since I was little, I started to care less about my own life, not full blown suicidal, but not the opposite either. I went through a phase where I was at that dark point but I learned to just push it away and ignore it.

Now I’m across the country for my first official career. I’m almost 21, never been close to anyone, and now I’m more alone than ever. I’m not saying I’m gonna try shit, but if I could say my current state of mind right now? Honestly, I’m afraid. Always have been.

Anyway I’m done bitching. Y’all take care,",2.2506303915063017,3.611927953771288,3.4789515593895177,92.30312541473127,76.03163017031629,6.247024994470251,21.94359654943597,6.714681859716394,0.34506423357664273,1523,39,340,13,33,495,204,411,0.098,0.779,0.124,0.9243,1,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,1,1,3,23,19,5,2,20,0,31,7,1,1,6,47,61,23,1,4,14,8,2,1,2,1,2,5,0,4,11,18,0,1,1,0,2,7,11,9,0,4,36,10,56,10,50,22,12,73,1,0,3,4,48,26,5,3,39,228,67,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108549627422202,0.0,0.16060169501604415,0.08305487548848359,0.0,0.0,0.20017886116517974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214442192591843,0.0,0.0,0.07138800901347009,0.0,0.0,0.07534315813548523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823760728346766,0.0,0.08415670664220189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635224686793844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331843565759722,0.0,0.0640269009110329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267457823312241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820644044314843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165719840910815,0.0,0.0529661541575988,0.07253838445253309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559801552557982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878465729224055,0.0,0.13642279178100605,0.0,0.0,0.12391250155110413,0.07413634402721489,0.0,0.0,0.09115008581902063,0.06726136487853289,0.2565479298736398,0.0,0.0,0.23820848815519824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472740195960267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369976274478147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328416436331144,0.039177830420187784,0.08037359454247353,0.14162226295768138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475307997990347,0.075879744694726,0.0,0.08130224637234043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097120424451319,0.18784013740980465,0.06400860348452059,0.0,0.11790090429855367,0.0,0.30924562194666144,0.07745007144197821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365926573353071,0.0,0.05434027150240573,0.06098973836652807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161499109898746,0.0,0.0,0.08158423905178351,0.08646069342855815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137314025870243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848365198053638,0.07628109183231678,0.19131603243017375,0.0,0.081158729995028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231608242263534,0.06633576939264446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056760411579468185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771718875735929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060294511519120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575767467277334,0.0,0.09352136697148747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444520116314887,0.0,0.07833607136086054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459880732531864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743389199944552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065644436204848
suicidewatch,Thrzawayz1234567,2019/01/12,"I need advice on how to get across to my SO that things he says to me feel harmful/bring out my suicidal thoughts I need some advice, and I'm really a mess so I don't even know if I can figure out how to get this across. I guess I need some advice with trying to figure out if I can get my BF to maybe say some different things when responding to me about my suicidal ideation as well as other things. I've just been depressed all my life but I definitely get suicidal spells. I also self harm, and even though I am in ""recovery "" from doing it right now I think about it and want to nearly every day. Right now is a rough time, and I have been spending most of my time alone because I'm just not in a good way. In the few times I've been around other people, it's my boyfriend but right now I feel as if he's really contributing to my desire to harm myself.

He never likes to tell me what to do, or really even offer much in the way of his opinion at all. I know my mental health isn't his responsibility, but lately since I've been in such a bad place I have been slipping out saying things, maybe for support but also I don't even know because I can hardly understand my mind right now. I try not to because I don't want to burden others, but it's just getting harder.

It might be easier to explain by a recent example. When I'm very depressed I hate eating. The thought of it is linked to living, which I don't even know if I want to do. Lately I have not been eating and not feeling great because of it, and as a result a conversation might go like this.

Me: I need to lay down, I'm feeling dizzy
SO: Do you want something? 
Me: I just want to not eat and die
SO: Well I support you with whatever you want to do

Or another example

Me: I'm not feeling super well, but everything I could eat just disgusts me. It's like I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe I should just try to starve myself, then I can solve all my problems.
SO: Well you are an adult and so you can do whatever you want.

He has also brought me razor blades when I've wanted to cut. His response is he doesn't like it but he can't stop me.

The problem is when he says this stuff, It really ramps up my desire to self harm which doesn't seem good. The issue is, he is right. I am an adult and have to make my own choices. I can't argue against that and I know he can't be responsible or force me to not be self destructive. But him saying stuff like that seems to really trigger me into wanting to harm more. It comes across as validation to my idea that I can decide to kill myself....which is technically true, but it doesn't seem like a healthy way to feel. I also get it's frustrating to hear people say stuff like that so I can get that....it just feels like the whole interaction is just adding to my depression. 

Idk, I just don't know what to do because he is right, but after he says stuff like that I really just end up sitting around thinking of ways to die or feeling like it's a good idea which is not my goal. I want to aim to live despite not wanting to, but this is making it hard. I don't even know what to ask from him because obviously I can't ask him to fix me, but I just wish I could share my bad feelings without feeling reinforced or having it spiral down like that. I have tried to talk to him about it and he says he's not going to tell me what to do. I get that but I don't feel how he is responding is good and right now I'm just sitting here alone planning on harming myself. I get I am to blame for saying this stuff as well and it must be hard to deal with, and it's not his responsibility, but I want a better way for us. I guess it nust doesn't feel helpful to have these thoughts be supported, but idk how to say that or even if I'm right. Any advice on to change the way we talk about this for the better world be helpful. 

Also just a note I do go to therapy, and see a psychiatrist. Thanks.",2.9446307801359315,3.6527952599758216,4.4390603760997385,88.6328748488513,73.42563482466747,7.541416836926158,23.81122044781721,7.753152298057669,0.9009277154651208,3028,79,692,38,58,1014,259,827,0.166,0.6920000000000001,0.141,-0.9828,1,2,1,0,0,1,78.0,2,6,0,5,59,51,7,0,22,0,77,6,0,8,7,163,158,69,6,30,51,0,16,11,1,4,2,11,0,5,56,27,4,1,35,0,1,6,30,21,5,0,10,28,101,30,102,136,12,69,0,3,1,0,64,34,0,23,32,477,157,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417001090946567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170053581281976,0.0,0.15770973474635555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02682207732337462,0.041358630126034725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022391584729591,0.0737463445532669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586524970080475,0.14426174904512473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976691621994745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172466254110487,0.03397599932116396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298284212816672,0.0,0.0,0.02543698333405409,0.040663219949571616,0.10191463659667728,0.0,0.08186964084404211,0.04120874839203014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614370427219809,0.0,0.0,0.03493411963554629,0.0,0.0,0.18235860353882452,0.0,0.03323179030147928,0.0,0.03544814416479492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393181940070941,0.056355091617369485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854624933375532,0.0,0.06724780580609409,0.13232912620137974,0.0,0.043485211423284015,0.08690015339063352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599750567234206,0.03894104855817418,0.0,0.04192525920510076,0.04445427369212667,0.0,0.052874607267537406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905098135142102,0.0,0.041167453586771915,0.0,0.0,0.0436369972949188,0.0,0.1517349742045027,0.0,0.0889851346855186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027859222210481302,0.2119643603302167,0.0,0.06965644520333432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265600607206713,0.0,0.11887510148490885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039748503364395255,0.08368397223390166,0.039825421044086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028994586402526945,0.11698369169732085,0.03042028882978008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546885691943049,0.0,0.04120874839203014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548179825654885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151606262516345,0.0,0.038944455963256935,0.0,0.0,0.2694676755974101,0.0,0.3136605420451876,0.0,0.0,0.031430360540712084,0.10772020823815327,0.12344058238237615,0.0,0.0,0.03262703044859897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03036456512700645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032975480703007265,0.0,0.0,0.2257596550279335,0.1294302341552041,0.13427576758740814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340436069473866,0.06894851658486367,0.036313117514362885,0.04510564154138447,0.0,0.1048146928540321,0.0505459925671584,0.038751802839924604,0.09393820403039987,0.06899726608383157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711477396851456,0.0,0.0,0.041060765281407584,0.047444161139905225,0.0,0.0,0.03254398065634527,0.2791686773452777,0.18784449650574805,0.0,0.0,0.17731656343305052,0.0,0.0,0.04403585500901943,0.04535663215707508,0.03802091411613548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Primaniel,2019/01/12,Someone here with nothing to do who has a little time for me? I need to get sonething out. I can't do it here because I would waste time from too many people. It would be great if someone could talk to me right now. I feel awful and don't know whag to do at this point. Preferably around my age (18) but I don't really care.,0.3914285714285733,2.2399358571428607,1.7957142857142865,99.99928571428572,83.28571428571428,4.571428571428573,18.57142857142857,5.288315135182226,-0.6644285714285716,250,6,61,1,7,80,51,70,0.114,0.848,0.038,-0.627,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,11,0,0,0,0,13,16,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,10,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,4,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099832656576864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448538065086314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416580019814191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924143051630887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984459008249025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383332899493513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613157278390331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026016341485855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755661746131065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403013918957284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757475561267136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742737931657675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432003887916075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240608040920011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184127943629044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241404914765349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016530779436919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905079465043447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764168969245752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367448546674973,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,houskovej,2019/01/12,"Honestly, what do I do when everything seems lost? It seems like there is no one. 
My family against me, 
Not enough close friends to feel this kind of shit

It feels like I'm alone in this fight. 
It's been years since I've wanted to die. 

I think about suicide every day. 

All my problems, everything that's wrong with my life, gone. Gone in a split second when my soul escape my body. All I crave is to be gone from. This world. MAKE MONEY-SPEND-MONEY.
ALL over and over again. 
I don't even feel like getting up from bed. 

Everything seema so hard, so unnecessary. 
Will it even matter after I die? Universe is billions years old. Im matter,  but I don't matter. 

J don't know what to do, where my life is heading. 
all I want, is just to stop this, stop existing. 
Who am I? I am lost. I don't know what to do. Please help me, I really need help. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only possibility at this exact moment 
Sorry for wasting your time reading this, have a great time this evening 💜",0.2693170731707326,2.5615563219512225,1.8831219512195112,96.16663414634148,88.21951219512195,5.036097560975612,16.980487804878052,6.55674776486733,-0.29113073170731685,766,18,174,9,25,248,115,205,0.195,0.653,0.152,-0.8589,0,1,0,0,1,2,36.0,0,1,0,2,12,14,2,0,3,0,20,5,3,1,5,32,41,7,4,5,4,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,17,3,0,2,9,1,0,3,7,6,0,3,6,5,21,8,21,33,5,25,1,2,0,0,6,9,1,2,17,106,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152687084231062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362435592943362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177647455860171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465218801297827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499813773437664,0.0,0.2205291433155704,0.0,0.09377136902541487,0.0,0.3000760095307106,0.0,0.10491961558827226,0.0,0.2250976598125692,0.23852886247953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598672821592775,0.0,0.05814737349506869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270382578032332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969902443817727,0.0,0.11422142591215426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919823052498704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021837960708072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589727276503595,0.12233033602645467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722279076513004,0.21749369364743487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429846562400752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429069773241348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252429995937152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678604250367525,0.0,0.0754167997315433,0.08464534233812278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221691810833303,0.0,0.12546910116450735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649488779877277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132574890139804,0.0,0.07129883092872512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263872447752276,0.0,0.0,0.11424336557608596,0.09206489583147233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458634668703085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609626154595094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173935599925878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131374624676635,0.0,0.0,0.1297947545808009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693513971255808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216843007149113,0.0,0.14334147443019393
suicidewatch,throwaybeaches,2019/01/12,"I dont really know what to do I've posted in countless subs, asking for help and advice. No one ever responds. The only human contact I have is with my parents and brothers. I have zero friends and I'm just done trying.. im not going to kill myself, it'd be too much of a problem. but death would be very, very appreciated at this point. 

you know I kind of wish I had some underlying disease that'll just kill me off one day, or getting in a bad car accident. I'm fucking numb lmao ",1.1542574257425748,3.1591086336633687,3.653950495049507,86.8547871287129,81.47524752475249,5.624158415841586,22.971287128712873,6.742157984588678,0.7241160396039605,376,13,78,4,10,131,78,101,0.17600000000000002,0.613,0.212,0.6509999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,3,0,3,0,12,2,0,0,1,16,21,5,3,3,5,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,3,2,0,9,2,11,14,2,11,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,2,2,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031384276973209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250419453403332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406908527125054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900213761096168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888312016298459,0.2162597049881977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691171276208588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256209331532174,0.17058863735239355,0.09640570653448033,0.0,0.10486873299762722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368194780694156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931661789390834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40829495296850177,0.1921524188410718,0.2028181457969192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564571379134954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500752631004198,0.14033813640184006,0.0,0.0,0.2048910714401484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443397751227893,0.0,0.176722127843445,0.0,0.0,0.17656369124603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821022614803292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527907598719815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045017731556328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121924644381866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310799196773543,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kimpips,2019/01/12,I dont know what to do... So Im currently in 10th grade right now and i have a sport i like. The sport is basketball and honestly i think ik pretty fine in it because i started last year and became the starter for the team that same year.,2.03029411764706,3.2074962941176466,3.4962254901960783,92.70551470588238,76.25490196078431,7.452941176470588,24.514705882352942,8.07648339933343,1.0997411764705882,185,6,44,3,4,61,38,51,0.0,0.7879999999999999,0.212,0.8591,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,4,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,8,26,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096837985678784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40313581372941537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715517273494887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903951212130446,0.2803853090534117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804867489156652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499459545780356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937525341151645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434670794663121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204051134972088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430168880950733
suicidewatch,angeloftrailertrash,2019/01/12,"Tonight is the night, I can’t do it anymore Throwaway obviously, but it’s come to the point where I need to just end it already. I’m done with life. I don’t even think it’s the depression talking, everyone is so fucking sick of me. 

Cleaning my room, writing my letter soon, and saying my I love you’s. 
I need a reason to stick around but there’s nothing anymore. ",0.218,2.597659133333337,2.1243333333333325,93.1905,91.0,4.6000000000000005,24.83333333333333,6.2581,0.7851333333333339,285,13,60,3,10,94,52,75,0.138,0.785,0.077,-0.6764,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,7,3,1,0,4,0,6,4,0,1,1,13,13,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,1,6,12,0,9,0,1,0,2,6,4,1,0,4,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421835913901685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389551992369029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970106188973541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063683855153013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906118486686799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647443639223586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601278131510527,0.0,0.0,0.14617153434314525,0.0,0.0,0.21146882591727653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459524255443026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156316051119134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997386834864521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281934540976457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076821222505552,0.0,0.21235054079633228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092071458730014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754099641130515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599262805673194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787860717457465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418049272571346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soaostone,2019/01/12,Im strongly considering ending this pathetic life... I feel so empty and hopeless. Idk tho i think im jist gonna do it. being a human sucks balls 10/10 would not recommend. all it is is stress in my life from every angle. ,0.4273333333333333,2.8589858444444483,3.068333333333332,86.4225,90.55555555555556,5.666666666666668,18.61111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6394444444444445,173,5,34,3,6,60,38,45,0.362,0.597,0.04,-0.9405,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,6,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27152893886217033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25829741385179544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501038322774074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6622937656278926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.433077182036112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511734942228548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196436891335462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777766078572905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Miloulou,2019/01/12,"Hello You know the icebreaker, the one where people ask what is your biggest fear?

I would always answer it the same way: ""It's not death that I fear the most, it's being alone.""

I've had suicidal thoughts for years since I was 6 for a variety of life reasons usually provoked by various situations so I don't think I have clinical depression but rather, situational depression. The scary thoughts come because I recognize that it's an easier way to cope. I grew up in a somewhat trouble home though that's not the case anymore. Growing up, I didn't really know what love was since I was raised by my relative who didn't teach or express love towards me in a way that was understandable and I was sexually abused by my own ex-stepfathers in which my mom, not realize how much of an impact it had on me and therefore at the time, dismissing it. 

Fast forward to meeting this guy who taught me that I was able to love, that I was loved, and what love was. The scary thoughts went away for a while and I was starting to experience happiness. We planned our future, we went to places, we shared all these happy moments but because I am a damaged good that wasn't able to grow into a better person at the time, I didn't treat him like how he deserves to be treated. He left and now the scary thoughts have returned, worse than before.

I know it sounds like a shallow reason but this was the person I envisioned my future with, he was my everything. I blame myself every second for it. These days I have no energy and nothing can give me joy. I used to be the biggest foodie but now I can't really eat, just the smell of food makes me nauseous. I used to play games all the time but now I never turn on my computer. I used to like drawing but now my hand tremble so much it can't even hold a pen. Most of all, I just get no urge to do these things. All I want to do is sleep the days without him away.

I have friends to talk to and I hear what they're saying about the situation but I can't comprehend it, I can't grasp it. Reaching out is hard. Talking isn't really helping. I pretend like it is because they take the time and effort to try to talk to me so the least I can do was thank them. They're wonderful people but it's not the same, we don't connect to a personal level in that way.

The only things that are keeping me from ending it all is me foolishly latching onto a glimmer of hope that he might come back, my mom, and my dog.

I started planning how I would end it, I started reading into different methods. I asked his close coworkers and his good friend to take care of him for me. I will give it at least a year since I just started this job and the coworkers have been more than kind to me ever since my continuous breakdowns at work. I will save up and give my mom everything I could, I want her to live comfortably. I will be here until my dog is gone; he's a rescue and I just can't abandon him. I will create a bucket list so I know when I leave, I won't have any regret and it will be new journey that will benefit everyone. I, and along with everyone else will no longer be in pain due to my existence.

I don't really know why I wrote all this since I'm not actively suicidal but thank you for listening to me.",3.6130063636947973,4.569922389728099,4.893825930449316,85.06339043517389,72.08157099697884,8.413498746544965,27.831329947933412,8.780745627414401,1.9549240470527736,2530,91,537,46,47,841,286,662,0.129,0.682,0.189,0.9954,2,1,1,0,1,0,60.0,5,3,2,5,24,39,0,3,36,0,65,12,2,11,8,101,116,36,3,8,21,3,2,4,2,11,3,4,1,4,44,28,2,3,17,4,0,10,24,10,0,2,28,7,92,29,68,70,18,75,0,5,0,5,56,29,0,7,38,383,136,7,0.12314613919930377,0.07295401897273689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377113063903951,0.0,0.0,0.05123372642267468,0.0,0.0,0.04187179875828792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106393986549855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151250166445069,0.0,0.11569985150076023,0.04734588984336795,0.0,0.11260311518213373,0.0,0.05239414715843963,0.0,0.0,0.05445637637846527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277784808681834,0.0,0.0,0.10607949481584117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916108582904897,0.0,0.0,0.07941907215763944,0.0,0.10606558924455492,0.0,0.0,0.06433075257181144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300462193412101,0.05143639876678654,0.0,0.10907092761997243,0.0,0.0,0.04066843176112031,0.055696366577646386,0.05187796676242287,0.11767141331679255,0.11067580940344007,0.06023027701418977,0.0,0.13857364326385435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445440016735637,0.0,0.09514240166817596,0.0,0.032169387531089375,0.17719949687664185,0.0,0.1032891389313752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609670194078677,0.0,0.1310913550708126,0.05515737617788141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693973244331991,0.0,0.041271130648043435,0.0,0.061762809169680064,0.061155951237661925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061101770697154875,0.0547289733718264,0.0,0.06411887686880649,0.16919474388542868,0.0,0.0,0.06519699025662677,0.06689932028039196,0.0,0.043490879990235334,0.12032596652204294,0.0,0.05437014852742151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27786049643412386,0.0,0.04110050208048883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531929653372627,0.0,0.21634090482159768,0.0,0.0,0.09052658168786856,0.0,0.04748894713458713,0.05946765430542592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908102091573631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172350548429028,0.04682909401931503,0.06551808727822124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853740273758384,0.16128968817122089,0.06433075257181144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061589732146741565,0.0,0.15778114021637085,0.12661474105740536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048965376307696096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546693972568837,0.2076321301214845,0.061617536934138475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432694230993442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470188885685555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259057095175778,0.14847030299333155,0.0,0.11337641976912785,0.0,0.0,0.0818128229440138,0.039453536787874936,0.06049522825810812,0.19552855793403148,0.14361500816426478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180407249572465,0.0669738185723906,0.0,0.06409973694416603,0.0,0.15953808805549582,0.06781403718626644,0.0,0.07263478350619783,0.19549534663089294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415770478612908,0.055560118235356316,0.0,0.0,0.0593542418539518,0.06677336744952297,0.04482592800026618,0.0,0.06274821825654604,0.08747948405184329,0.0,0.0,0.07930207613958196
suicidewatch,bewarethetaniwha,2019/01/12,"I don’t think I want to, but I can’t see any other way out... I’ve been feeling confused and alone for a long time but I always could chalk it up to something, finishing high school, finishing uni, moving overseas, moving again. I’m now settled for the long term in a new country that I’m very familiar with. I feel worse than ever. I have an amazing job, great apartment, a nice car and the most wonderful friends but not a day goes by that I don’t spend ages wondering how best to off myself. I don’t think I want to die, but I just want the increasingly strong desires to kill myself to end. It’s exhausting going anywhere and having my brain assess the buildings for which one would be best to jump off...

I feel so lost and I don’t know how to escape. Literally everything in my life is good but, for want of a better phrase, why is the void calling me so loudly? ",3.4193872229465434,4.548938022598872,4.520000000000003,86.90691003911344,72.72881355932203,7.480052151238593,26.04476314645806,7.882392219407189,1.3556166014776188,678,22,143,9,13,222,112,177,0.134,0.597,0.269,0.9816,1,1,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,5,8,13,1,1,11,0,13,3,1,2,1,33,30,13,2,7,7,0,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,0,1,6,6,4,0,1,2,5,17,9,22,25,5,28,0,1,1,0,2,8,0,4,13,91,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373837526935782,0.0,0.0,0.11547941084302756,0.0,0.0,0.0943778832648978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29129050425094866,0.12274317524653387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492884945144986,0.14171398722603873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108077359258716,0.0,0.0,0.08950420263013639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403588717911395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292143614291652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553807906577258,0.0,0.0,0.12473011585224103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052009045440695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722417885622597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788741489541168,0.1164054397671132,0.0,0.15300985669292486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146632922231709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772171134618885,0.0,0.15354394020561102,0.0,0.07627206024576427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802724785005014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563895626847945,0.0,0.0,0.15149913702134749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950108698112787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340384579242344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404363430217448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045682351335748,0.11059288444821194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068427082807861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785437453251954,0.0,0.0,0.08092607003736313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451133968221723,0.3274336103061344,0.11016028419073558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523097904797975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30101066900584633,0.0,0.0,0.14143275888104634,0.09858817603679104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jharden10,2019/01/12,"If I don't make more money than my parents I will kill myself. I'm 22 and a Junior in college (yes, I'm old) and I've always had a goal in surpassing my parents in income. If I can't do that there is no reason to live.",0.3679411764705876,1.132254764705884,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,79.78431372549021,5.8843137254901965,20.59313725490196,5.985473137389443,0.02464313725490186,167,4,41,1,4,62,36,51,0.15,0.85,0.0,-0.7845,4,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,0,6,9,4,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,5,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,27,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601308222327509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34587560780713433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760554897895437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868104170624355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280495910026076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6942708779854389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214327650728225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JokerDeSade,2019/01/12,"I've been debating suicide the last 4 months but I'm on the fence Life has never been outstanding for me to begin with. Mental and some physical abuse from childhood. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 18.  I escaped my parents house and I've been living with my grandparents ever since. I struggle tremendously with things that are simple for others (going to college, getting a job, holding down a job). I'm now 26. I've had one real job back in 2015 for 2 weeks, then had a mental break down and quit. After that I had an under the table job working for a now ex gf's family business(panic attacks constantly). Nothing since then. I've become a loser and can't mentally handle the monotony of most entry level jobs. Due to how I was raised, I have little to no self discipline. I hate how my parents set me up for failure and that it's some how my responsibility to fix how they screwed me up. That being said I've tried so hard. Therapy, self reflection, attempting to go back to college, actively searching for a job, trying to learn things of interest in my own, etc. Ultimately I've made very little progress. So now I just feel like a loser. On top of all this I'm having some let's just say identity issues. 

The only reason I have to get out of bed is to take care of my cats and see friends. My friends and family still see so much potential in me but it has become painfully clear to me that I'm not going anywhere in life. I feel like it's time to end it. Part of me is very ready to go and part of me wants to keep fighting.

 Another thing to note my friends all know how I've been feeling. One of them actually told me ""do you think I'd be able to handle your death?"" A different friend told me she's only been staying alive herself in hopes that I'll keep fighting to live. I feel like if I die those 2 will follow me. Even so I've started to think about writing good bye letters to everyone and I've had a plan on how I want to die for a while. I just don't know what the better option is here.  I do know if I go the living route a lot needs to change. What do you think?",2.858010620915032,4.260277886574077,4.44307189542484,85.83852941176471,74.5324074074074,7.582352941176469,25.66884531590414,8.219915518859313,1.5286364923747282,1645,56,345,27,34,552,217,432,0.158,0.701,0.141,-0.917,10,0,0,0,5,2,44.0,0,3,2,9,23,22,5,1,19,0,29,5,0,8,5,65,68,27,4,6,8,3,5,3,5,1,4,2,1,2,18,15,0,5,13,0,0,6,5,10,0,2,15,9,41,12,58,49,12,50,0,3,2,1,26,19,1,9,26,221,59,10,0.07199921370280006,0.08530729483926704,0.07026084656249372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549745329447495,0.05507920141212798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819094997309064,0.0,0.1107259021824422,0.0,0.0,0.15903494968761905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367745356608631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340799686605694,0.0,0.07616562134251739,0.0,0.0,0.07780557182345668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201281726074037,0.07307768633679998,0.1494476332272833,0.07522385406794779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637699328418526,0.0,0.08029815541123675,0.04755480160994275,0.06512741082695875,0.0,0.06879833415154406,0.0,0.0,0.13574890182615065,0.0,0.1456198631298087,0.1543087579662105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250565562004626,0.0,0.07523323500351167,0.0,0.20459406184916085,0.06038952447435179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449715339089525,0.07108431748826168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715114648496156,0.0,0.08307742581355759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514847312274271,0.4286886596346153,0.12799241860617785,0.0,0.0,0.1187066547268552,0.05868896877482459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362407410708627,0.10171034781600327,0.10552553698328428,0.1443242540046476,0.1907298743589486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121115677387344,0.0,0.06812739687374704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767481904989472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746908546500861,0.0,0.052927706407264165,0.053386504661902034,0.05553023221833078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908518737736842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757706111862742,0.10951729285961216,0.0766122397017872,0.0,0.15989321256895522,0.15593626433595342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658002633132084,0.0,0.08195086782766886,0.0,0.07402718313858726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848773988540045,0.05725666457330179,0.0,0.0,0.11474810310301845,0.0,0.15022176467412793,0.0,0.0,0.11911698718860245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050961414036761084,0.07674158200697448,0.05749866506823197,0.0,0.0,0.07526921086745039,0.0,0.07875545384560782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054134448291802965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233737566284556,0.0,0.14349923500018333,0.13840256681977495,0.0,0.0,0.04198332051244175,0.0,0.0,0.13759666830308812,0.0,0.09776547990337782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881378334492185,0.0849340033544295,0.0,0.05775342630676439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052416285082135014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cjcnacar1698,2019/01/12,"I am lonely and I want to die I just moved here in America and I started my first job. I came all the way from the Philippines where most of my friends and family live. I came to America because my mother is American and decided that I could earn money here and start my own life. Right now it is going well but I severely felt the impact of me basically restarting my life. 

I don't have friends.

In the Philippines I usually hang out with friends or talk with family but in America I only have my Mother to talk to. I sound totally selfish but before I just hanged out with people who I have shared interests and practically my same age range. Now I work an afternoon to night job with people who are old enough to be my grandpa. I just feel disconnected to everything. And I know what youre thinking, what about going out on weekends or my days off. Problem is I dont have anyone to go out with. I practically just spend my time on the computer and play games all day. I thought it would get better though cause with all my gaming on the computer I met amazing people on a streaming platform called twitch and eventually we became very good friends online and eventually we got to meetup at a live event hosted by twitch and it was honestly such a great relief and one of the highlights of my life but then when the event was over a huge wave of sadness overcame me to the point that I almost crashed myself over the highway because I felt so bad. Ever since then I wanted to hang out with these people again but theyre scattered throughout the United States and its very hard to meetup again. I wanted to travel to the states that my friends are in but I also dont know what to do, I'm sobbing at this point

I have been trying to gather myself and scold myself for thinking about these thoughts but they seem to linger especially when I'm alone  Right now I still work my job but my friends are barely online anymore and I honestly dont know what to do at this point. I feel so lonely and I dont know what to do. Please help ",4.078592592592591,5.425322575308645,4.825617283950617,84.5102777777778,71.39506172839506,7.77037037037037,26.833333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.6664222222222227,1613,54,321,24,30,520,186,405,0.093,0.728,0.179,0.9912,3,5,0,0,0,1,18.0,2,1,1,5,24,24,0,0,17,0,26,5,0,1,5,75,54,34,1,6,14,3,5,0,6,1,5,2,0,0,18,32,0,0,14,5,2,10,5,7,1,2,11,7,55,17,55,40,8,65,0,4,0,0,24,27,1,5,25,231,73,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121452618689702,0.0839998900339759,0.0,0.06485930719638032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043395471183779,0.056710211497500475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771894060283289,0.0988812042690672,0.0,0.0690140280661514,0.0,0.0,0.07173041439913823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281684916054012,0.1855240771040913,0.0,0.08331674991950222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475541145671558,0.0,0.0,0.1046114952172124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417375430408808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802158776005836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380271676457242,0.0,0.0,0.07336374031528026,0.0,0.0,0.0728915712027453,0.0,0.15291636893287572,0.0,0.08201783003309372,0.0,0.15574624069254955,0.0,0.0,0.0689875184348538,0.0,0.0,0.3759672063648164,0.0,0.04237379811198785,0.0,0.13828081386589158,0.06802667778504241,0.06486674554348718,0.08941809111334836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265377745503405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436269360874728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145135744073695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829183504552376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718597004656605,0.0,0.0,0.14323366864185585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862013382874858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611115869956485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510561853268317,0.0,0.054958565692527,0.061683691485392614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491082844116514,0.0,0.0,0.08902847890749442,0.23001014398455946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760613428096963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385257446153848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383456796556323,0.0,0.09162509536993636,0.0,0.0670905506934865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481248518925667,0.0,0.06477022622239609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037758621888712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039370862151248,0.07968484281742523,0.12877596179003473,0.04729273564753786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055064689263381636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932524183472951,0.13383955290887548,0.14351275646257286,0.0643770443404057,0.0,0.0,0.072922762042604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809020743277175,0.0,0.0,0.05761437006799211,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forestbuzz,2019/01/12,"I'm 15 and I want to be dead. I think A few things:
-My parents are still going through a six-year divorce process.

-This, in turn, causes my mother a lot of stress. She often takes it out on me. She's not abusive, she doesn't mean to, but it results in a lot of fights that leave me feeling empty for days.

-Because of the divorce, I no longer have contact with my dad, but he messages me every day, telling me he misses me. It's not welcome contact, it's emotionally draining. It was my choice to cut him off, as he's narcissistic and emotionally abusive. I'm still reeling from years of narcissistic abuse in my childhood.

-My sister, in her early to mid twenties, is having her own struggles. She's lost a lot of weight, she's worried she might be ill. She's still a university student, and she's incredibly stressed about deadlines. She calls home most nights to talk about this. It's tiring.

-I go to a small private school, and I don't fit in. I don't really have many friends. I feel so isolated.

-On top of the fact I'm lonely, school is hell because in a lot of my classes I don't understand the work. I ask the teachers but they're crappy so I don't get much from them.

-I'm sick and tired of being told by my mother that I'm not trying or ""applying myself"" as she likes to call it. I'm trying.

-I'm also tired of being constantly targeted by specific people at school. I'm seen as a soft touch because I have a lot of empathy so people think it's okay to spread rumours about me, call me names, and isolate me from people who I'd really like to be friends with.

All this is exhausting. If I was dead, everything would stop. I really do just want everything to stop. I know I have my whole life in front of me, but I just don't think it can get any better than this. I used to self-harm, and I keep getting the old urges again, but I'm scared I'd get caught. Last time I self-harmed, my mother found out and she said she'd take away my phone, wifi, my laptop etc- pretty much the only way I can get support. It's either I self harm or I kill myself. What would you choose, the rock or the hard place?


It's dumb, but if I killed myself people would actually care about me for once. That's what I tell myself, anyway.",2.0746521739130444,3.7908708565217424,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,77.39130434782608,6.339130434782609,22.80434782608696,7.1686216300943375,0.6753,1734,52,377,20,40,570,224,460,0.235,0.6709999999999999,0.094,-0.9974,1,2,0,0,4,2,75.0,0,1,1,4,16,24,6,4,18,1,30,8,0,3,2,61,71,26,4,7,17,6,6,2,2,4,7,1,1,1,22,12,1,3,10,1,0,4,10,15,0,0,8,8,67,9,54,53,14,40,1,3,1,0,49,19,2,13,18,239,89,7,0.0,0.2580143096064257,0.07083530137464224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804850257620636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936224853555203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785987051894779,0.0,0.06819870407617176,0.0,0.0,0.13274669640022765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419808235745543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223610283390692,0.0,0.07400818287452443,0.07456774950894443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784417125381319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362635698884014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633031931556757,0.0,0.0,0.08095467556491302,0.0,0.0,0.061158420817518586,0.0,0.13047461472059718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340522777333333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958886537325567,0.1121624343039294,0.0,0.1896208605358529,0.0,0.0825067316412541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502448407288931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281156355586857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451944425102997,0.16061547208648386,0.0,0.039892401311890036,0.05916881156326501,0.0,0.07686008560070673,0.0,0.0,0.05127096735205182,0.07092554464914105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923824730821062,0.308558105239396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359271867930635,0.0,0.07906948277374426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700427125851655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672088987975532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811880950982943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616877099359147,0.07730372473996268,0.0,0.05520635478356697,0.0,0.0,0.08060025216183282,0.0,0.0,0.20129318934372295,0.0,0.07583888657996363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384797125661936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395049667416367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904769772358775,0.0,0.07267313239716504,0.22038843395079274,0.0,0.0,0.2271749735663467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390632769241432,0.12137343833712805,0.16629834592120907,0.0758846142180344,0.0,0.0,0.08237186767254885,0.0,0.0,0.10915410636531757,0.058343389535380374,0.12689001566831165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822416303238188,0.13953415040313827,0.0,0.0,0.042326577414091716,0.2502872748796694,0.0,0.06936083141787007,0.0,0.0985648134317968,0.07895477089077632,0.0,0.07556654454628943,0.0,0.0626926235717972,0.0,0.0,0.08562842634147097,0.057616881613116365,0.0,0.08839248432599765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104177738449925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052844842218485455,0.07371651711960836,0.0,0.1546930450178317,0.0,0.0,0.09348843154278128
suicidewatch,cold-footed-bitch,2019/01/12,"I think I'll enjoy this year out and then I'm gonna do it I think I have about one more year in me before I off myself tbh. It's all too overwhelming at this point, and I've come to the conclusion that I'll never stop being depressed, my marriage is suffering greatly because of it, I feel empty, I feel nothing but numbness. I want to die not in a sad way I guess, but I want this perpetual feeling of anxiety and emptiness with no attachments to even the people I love. It's been building up, my life is and was a mistake. I don't know why I thought someone like me who grew up in terrible unstable situations to the point where my anger issues make me injure myself-- or not showering because I'm hoping something will kill me in my sleep-- or drinking to the point where I'm black out drunk so I could feel something-- I don't know why I thought I'd be okay. Sometimes some people aren't cut out for this shit ya know? Sometimes you just have a shit life and you die. I think that's fair I guess. I genuinely think 2019 might be it for me, and idk I guess I'm content with it for the time being. I'll try to make my husband as happy as possible but I know he'll find someone else who is a better partner, my family can look up for 2 seconds and go back to what they were doing. I know my sister would be upset, but I can't let her watch me lose it anymore. I'm at peace with this. I never pictured myself living a long life, could never picture me actually having kids, I think I always knew if I did die I'd be the one to end it. I think it's realistic. Not everyone can be happy. ",2.9773021760633007,3.796940581602376,4.732540801186946,86.14235225024733,73.45103857566765,7.515776458951532,27.09804648862513,7.793537801064563,1.4649921859545,1244,44,270,16,24,424,169,337,0.203,0.655,0.142,-0.9793,1,0,3,0,0,2,32.0,0,3,1,3,8,23,5,2,11,1,31,11,3,2,4,64,68,18,4,8,11,2,4,1,1,5,5,0,1,2,19,14,2,1,20,2,0,3,11,14,0,3,7,7,49,9,33,46,3,33,0,5,3,1,14,18,2,9,12,178,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.08486772469812147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236391821845473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652989155032682,0.0,0.08624838088232288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687263136669147,0.0,0.10602914898881786,0.0,0.07400292824339663,0.0,0.0,0.0769156772672427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491479171531806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388729277708476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490497141047595,0.0,0.2707755716173529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519503099886526,0.0,0.0,0.07265017818739508,0.0,0.0770273825213067,0.0,0.0,0.057441206711289626,0.0,0.0,0.08310116328116411,0.0,0.0,0.08198520934420388,0.0,0.17589350341354762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948671000141393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049425628541042585,0.0,0.0,0.09588196437367626,0.28741348398985705,0.0,0.0,0.18515701979648155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637834026406818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077146434312404,0.0,0.0,0.09621664200453448,0.0,0.23897528960725506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889301504062681,0.1842831296457776,0.042487922550876765,0.0,0.07679388668910661,0.0769634916428571,0.07303078799343579,0.09729437550855273,0.0,0.0,0.07849155485672156,0.0,0.11610294932494405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225876317209722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122406820716165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344765185608298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786284346149682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205846142058304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24663716432008995,0.09804277748755924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854175676161674,0.0,0.09775510217416053,0.08703029654214701,0.0,0.1473745435395182,0.1339036447766193,0.17202614205574795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270871550316624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343515346894258,0.0,0.13808494485625175,0.05071144259546824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059045216783999925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259135730426663,0.06903074528961745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694926498306058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177920943613576,0.0,0.0,0.11200842400131612
suicidewatch,diediedie111,2019/01/12,I don’t even want to get help anymore I just want to fucking die,-1.6660000000000004,0.2457187333333373,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.0,3.0,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.7256666666666667,51,2,13,0,2,17,12,15,0.24,0.457,0.303,-0.2247,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242128325807589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44393672883821067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825246892356132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954477701936089,0.22348160038494355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867116546128568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045957945544168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CoffeePie87,2019/01/12,"I’m ready to go, if only to reincarnate and continue helping people So I’m in the medical field, I’m not the smartest or best looking. I don’t have many friends, I’m just ready to go. Yes I will want to spend some time in heaven with my grandpa and deceased dogs. But I also want to go so I can choose a smarter life. Then reincarnate so I can continue saving lives ",0.4032323232323236,2.656750766233767,2.4583549783549827,92.67578643578643,86.79220779220779,6.01962481962482,24.139971139971138,7.3871296695380915,1.157826551226551,287,12,63,5,9,96,50,77,0.038,0.65,0.312,0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,1,5,2,0,0,0,13,15,10,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,8,14,2,9,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,4,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226088730133888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966941114192377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842649866127087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820238599552097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189499285390844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969141988018846,0.0,0.0,0.2496443429283387,0.0,0.2374111256533953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866307238754651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848076938443292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150190632730229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600041148166006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485459079504647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335076929760751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathlyhallowsordead,2019/01/12,"The Rationality of Suicide Why do people not understand that sometimes suicide is the most rational option unless presented with extremes (ex. being held captive & in danger)? 

My ex-boyfriend, who, granted, was incredibly emotionally abusive, and I would often fight back and forth about whether my ultimate plan to end the suffering that is my life is truly a rational decision. He claimed that since I’m not in imminent danger and am fully able-bodied and healthy that I have no just reason to commit suicide. 

Meanwhile, here I am, absolutely flabbergasted that people can not comprehend why suicide truly is the BEST option. The world is a horrible place and is only barreling further downhill - just look at what abomination is currently in the Oval Office. Humanity at its core is evil, otherwise what else explains the continuous wars, crimes, and atrocities committed throughout history? There is neither a benevolent God nor a greater purpose - after all, if there was truly a transient being that was pure goodness then how do you explain this evil, unjust world? 

People, like my ex, look at me and say I have no right to end my tortured existence. They try to downplay my strife because, you know, “there are kids starving in Africa, therefore you have nothing to complain about”. Such arguments are infuriating and demoralizing. 

There is no point to life in general and certainly no point to mine. If life truly had a purpose it would be to just fulfill all of your greatest desires, but for 99.9% of individuals that’s impossible. I know for me it sure is not a possibility. I wasn’t born into an uber wealthy family and am not afforded the opportunity to just seek out all of the things in this world that might make life feel like slightly less of a prison sentence. Rather, if I chose to not make the valid choice of ending this life, I would be condemned to slaving away the rest of my life in an occupation that I don’t care about for nothing other than to meet the bare necessities of survival, pay back monstrous debts (on a side tangent - it is despicable how things like education are made to be out of reach for all but those in the upper echelons of society. Education is a fundamental human right that directly contributes to the betterment of society. It should be properly treated as such. Sorry, I am quite passionate about this in particular as this is one of the primary motivators for the cessation of my life.), and save for the illusion of a retirement that I will probably never reach. 

I just do not understand how the vast majority of people, who themselves are in the same position as I am, feel that this sham of a life is truly worth living. 
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suicidewatch,Mediocre_Direction,2019/01/12,"Struggling for years, too old to start over, I think I have reached the end. I've always struggled with depression, and now I feel like I just don't have the energy to keep going.

Because of a shitty family and poor upbringing, I didn't get the chance to study anything when I was younger, and I've always bounced from bad job to shitty job. I recently had the chance and started going to college and I'm doing okay-ish, but I feel like I'm too old now and there's no point anymore.

I haven't gotten over my divorce, I still love my ex. We were together for 15 years, and every dream, every hope, every projection into the future I had included her. I feel utterly alone.

I do have a girlfriend but I'm with her more for her than for me, but she wants a baby so I'm at a crossroads... I have a decent life insurance I took years ago anticipating my suicide, so if I died the kid would have some money and wouldn't have to deal with a well-meaning but severely depressed father.

I'm torn. The method is not the problem, I'm inventive enough and worst case, suffering for half an hour doesn't scare me compared to a life of depression.

Sorry for the incoherent rambling. I just needed to tell someone about my plans. Thanks for reading.",3.2798987854251003,4.941987789473687,4.466176113360325,85.03902125506077,73.93927125506073,7.531093117408908,26.52004048582996,8.238735603445708,1.7128754655870444,972,35,194,16,20,319,137,247,0.236,0.6579999999999999,0.106,-0.9861,3,1,1,0,1,2,32.0,1,0,0,1,12,15,0,3,17,0,19,3,0,0,0,34,42,17,2,7,8,2,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,14,0,1,4,2,2,3,7,10,0,1,7,3,28,5,27,33,4,24,0,4,0,1,13,5,0,3,18,123,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039667715197727,0.0,0.0,0.1214727014101984,0.0,0.0,0.19518233688218287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631598279474595,0.0,0.0,0.09651620741393707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979287311963821,0.07149632574756308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091649402711692,0.30305422351206945,0.0,0.12172412748421706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388039298148648,0.12118756806454008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964549963197064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056659965031952,0.0,0.17790965036786305,0.16757797605305166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061276981714994974,0.0,0.1333124285972006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164912481511093,0.1155028725101072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327760876482304,0.10424899440018302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568483657670965,0.11459982014399014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585499983708677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775860304738818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696592323438349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461434029061085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087297666005716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122266561694186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731752390187696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580556293157215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742353115812636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324995526428837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937586477196987,0.0,0.0,0.13129183364622055,0.1660309641586001,0.0,0.09366457916792256,0.0,0.0,0.2452251352908895,0.0,0.12829161221176205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251294541051303,0.10798099271225348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515199504516726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030882230855198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917819458764157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545400590435644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331645635934913,0.0,0.0,0.2265845999494109
suicidewatch,Ilikeelectroswing,2019/01/12,"There's no reason for me not to kill myself There's no chance I can ever be happy or content with life. I have all the traits anyone needs for a lonely depressing life.

I'm ugly, stupid, bald, short and have a small dick on top of being depressed and anxious. There's no chance I can ever get a decent job, a circle of real friend or find love.

It is a FACT that if I killed myself the world would be a better place. Women hate me and want me to suffer, men just want to laugh at me.

There's nothing that can make this worthwhile. It's a hopeless situation and there's no away around it. Suicide is the only smart and decent thing for me to do. It's pure selfish for me not to kill myself when I know in not wanted and my mere existence makes life worse for everyone.",3.534664772727276,4.251260818750005,4.6114772727272735,87.90761363636368,72.0625,6.8181818181818175,22.045454545454547,6.574015621080383,0.3975,601,12,128,4,11,197,94,160,0.271,0.536,0.193,-0.9491,1,2,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,17,5,0,10,0,12,6,2,3,5,31,23,10,4,6,7,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,0,0,15,6,18,19,1,13,0,5,0,2,4,10,1,3,3,89,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366221943474452,0.0,0.10129669214336272,0.0,0.0,0.1289652939945967,0.0,0.0,0.13611042910008628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812602021464148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24955317880827205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620869864867318,0.0,0.1384297935702796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324088426999246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192644544218024,0.0,0.07568875990674491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542171433978274,0.0,0.14302944275233492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376143306130665,0.0,0.4808326152661273,0.0,0.07961693603927772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30697856188894385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075111474750026,0.0,0.19340411942940364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074195023895067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900697372043222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018040211219066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135864434230845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489413379255294,0.0,0.14895081119102835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284030307284367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846461041290336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624539956065488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25634479445867303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476352268629875,0.10291171472827958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Klackrs,2019/01/12,"It's going to be one of those weekends. I cant get away from the thoughts this weekend. My friends are all together this weekend, and im here, my only company my thoughts. I got out of the mental hospital 4 months ago. Since then i've seen friends once. No one asks how i am. No one cares that the depression is back. All i can think, is that maybe they would learn to value the people in their life more from my death.",1.0522988505747115,3.1709880229885066,2.150114942528738,96.86471264367815,82.5632183908046,5.705747126436782,22.310344827586206,6.937597516519254,0.4518413793103444,326,11,75,4,9,103,63,87,0.131,0.746,0.124,-0.1689,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,2,10,17,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,3,4,1,10,3,9,11,3,11,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,7,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359316294850556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362268090881787,0.0,0.19458946527238752,0.15925709960666282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116548952675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838610877355385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200299538019618,0.0,0.1082079853451456,0.0,0.11770708116031135,0.0,0.16564717263735665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371756240792826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462900249525362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080728293019844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087211733720147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653156070586704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056856746005127,0.42103535222381305,0.1575187564410832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435860644566636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132599978534155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270963665163582,0.0,0.32884914751696315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712712076247295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Raspberry_Pancake,2019/01/12,"Do hotlines help? I've been on the verge of ending it the past few days. I managed to find some courage and spoke to my best-friend about it and decided to hold off for a while, but the thought of dying cannot escape my mind. I'm now considering calling a hotline (I live in the UK) to try and help cope with the barrage of these thoughts. I can't stop planning how to do it. I can't stop writing messages for people to find after I have passed. This won't be my first try. At the age of 25, it would've been my 4th attempt at ending my life. 

​

Even at my most serene moments, that dark shadow that is clouding my brain is trying to convince me that my life is not mine to live. I no longer find any joy in the activities I used to love nor do I find any comfort in the people closest to me. I have let them all down. All I feel comfortable speaking to are strangers.

​",2.8205482625482645,3.985762610810813,3.6597876447876447,92.3597972972973,74.24324324324324,6.150579150579151,26.72779922779923,6.18269132825596,0.7657799227799225,693,25,155,4,14,221,109,185,0.023,0.7829999999999999,0.193,0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,10,0,17,4,1,2,2,25,24,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,9,4,0,3,8,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,3,22,6,29,16,5,24,0,0,0,1,9,11,0,2,12,104,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858071341847706,0.3012045134004656,0.16856868073550313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130068757408296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835949089151547,0.12655793413702365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799318910093463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863151111475238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195504243993945,0.0,0.0,0.08186206579191863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266844993866087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531204448001274,0.10542441426901043,0.0,0.0,0.09575674801907844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615049393898393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267383859122916,0.17508682410088622,0.0,0.0,0.21888489342356476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186187052243897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251453905713535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183160038592198,0.1718505962318282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072409683899016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967911102131188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25244403962634204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070454969219442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804434998820591,0.0,0.3012045134004656,0.0
suicidewatch,loner32,2019/01/12,"Im worthless and need to remove myself from this shit i can't find happiness all i have is this hole inside me thats is consuming me. i hav no friends i try to go out make new friends but end up on my own talkin to no one.

i dont want to do this anymore the pain is too much. i just want it all to stop. i sit here tears running down my face that i cant control. i haven't eaten in 3 days i have food but cant bring myself to make anything maybe this will be the way to end it. how long can u go without food b4 u die?
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suicidewatch,neverfoundalwayslost,2019/01/12,"Life isn't for me. It never was. Please. I need someone I turned 18 last year. I never thought I'd make it to that day. Then again there were more days than I can count when I thought I wouldn't make it to the next.

I wouldn't even say it's an achievement. Barely a milestone. Just another day. So much has happened but everything is just another day. I've been in a relationship with an amazing person for almost a year now. I love him. Except I feel nothing. The only emotions I have ever felt is sadness and fear. And unfortunately that's not an exaggeration. I'm empty most of the time. I joke, smile, laugh - yet I can link no emotion to any of those actions, because I've never felt anything.

No wonder. Life was always difficult. It was always a struggle. I wish it wasn't. I'm starting to think ""I shouldn't be here"". All over again. I've been thinking things like that since I was 7. That's when my trichotillomania first showed. And it made life even harder. For those not aware, trich is an impulsive disorder in which the patient has impulsive urges to pull out body hair. For me it's my head hair and eyelashes, and within the past year my eyebrows too. I remember when my Dad first noticed my hair loss. I was late to school, his girlfriend was there. He said something along the lines of ""either there's an insect or something pulling your hair out, or you're doing it to yourself!""

""I'm sorry.""

That moment changed everything. My relationship with him wasn't great then, but became even worse. He just didn't understand it. He took me to the doctor a few times about it. But that's all he ever really tried to do. Whenever I'd have an ""episode"" in which I pulled out a noticeable amount, he'd yell at me until I was at tears. Constantly. He'd always say I did it because he told me to stop playing games, or if I was in trouble, but it wasn't to punish him like he thought. I do it when I'm stressed, or just because I'm bored and the hairs are annoying me. That's what caused my depression and social anxiety. Being so taunted by my own father. The person who was always supposed to be there for me. 

My Dad did his best to hide my bald patches, I'll give him that. I wasn't severely bullied about it I guess. There'd still be snide comments every now and then. I was more or less just always ignored at school though. No one was really my friend. I started to notice that people only spoke to me because they were bored or because I spoke to them first. There were a few people, so I thought at least, that were my friend.

When I was 10 I ended up running away from home. My ""friend"" Lola said she would give me food if I visited her every week or so. I planned to just live in the forest. Home life was bad. My Dad was dating... a psychopath. I can only put it that way. She turned my Dad against me, which I thought couldn't have been worse than it already was. I was actively trying to kill myself from the age of 10 because of her. I was 10 for christ sake. She made me feel that horrible about life that I was trying to commit suicide before I was even a teenager. When the police found me she tried to make my disappearance about her. Acted like she cared about me, but she didn't really. Of course she didn't. I was happy when she and my Dad broke up, but I wish she had never come into my life to begin with.

When I got to Secondary school I thought things were going to get better. It seemed like it would but looking back now it didn't. I shifted in and out of friendships a lot. I guess people just forgot about me. We'd just stop talking one day and I never knew why. I just think people hate me at this point. That friend Lola? For years she had me thinking that I wasn't allowed to go to her house because her Mum thought I was weird for running away from home. I found out when I was 16 from her sister's ex boyfriend that the reason why was because she constantly ranted horribly about me. This was someone I'd known since I was 8 years old. And I guess she just never liked me. I gave her one of my logins so she could play Sims, all the while she just spoke horribly about me. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but I was broke, I grew up in poverty and the expansions were bought over a long period at discounts. It was still a big deal that I gave it to her to begin with, because she obviously didn't care. She was just freeloading.

I guess I can see why she ranted about me. I was sad a lot, and I had a nasty habit of cutting myself. And I can say that it was for attention, not as much as a coping mechanism, but I just wanted someone to HELP. The school counselor was nice but she never helped. Whenever I told her something she almost always went and told my Dad. There was several occassions when I told her about abuse at home, and how I didn't want to live there any more. Social services got involved, did nothing, and there was hell to pay for. When I was 14, I was raped. But I couldn't even tell her that because I didn't want my Dad knowing.

I started to get distant from everyone really, after then. I spoke to a few people at the start of school, breaktime and lunchtime. But no one spoke to me much. I was always doing my best to talk to these people and help them when they needed it but they never seemed to do the same for me. I don't think they even remember who I am.

Last year of school I was only really talked about because I was associated with depression. I went to hospital for being severely depressed. I remember being in class a month later and someone joking about killing themself, only to have their friend nod their head in my direction. I was only known by association. I was there but no one spoke to me unless I was sitting next to them in class.

When I finished school, I spoke to a few of the people I knew for about a year after, purely because we went to college together. But I stopped talking when I realised how they never made any effort for me. These people I'd gone through school with only remembered my birthday when I mentioned it on the day. ""Oh, happy birthday"". Never really any plans. Only a few in the years I'd known them. I'd see posts of them saying how they're having a good day and how they're missing someone, never me. No one ever missed me. I left home at 16, and I ended up homeless. I messaged several people asking if I can spend the night on their sofa or whatever, and they left me on read. Not even a ""no, sorry"" - just straight up ignored. Never to be heard from again. That being said, one girl did help me off the streets, surprisingly one I was never too close with, and I'm grateful for her, but it hurts that the people I considered to be my best friends didn't give a damn about the situation I was in.

Last year I was hospitalised twice for overdosing. Not on drugs. A straight up attempt at taking my life. And now it's all I can think about again. I don't really have any friends to stop me. I have my boyfriend, my hamsters, my Dad (we patched things up) and my Nan. I have nothing going for me at all. I sit at home, playing video games. Generally doing nothing. I never even finished college and people I went to school with are in university now. I feel so hopeless and lost and so tired of everything. I just want to give up. The struggle of life is too much. I don't have friends. I don't have family. The last thing my Mum told me was to go and kill myself for goodness sake. I'm not even particularly good at anything. Not to mention I am repulsed by my appearance. I'm just so tired. I want to go. I really just want to go. Please. I know none of this makes sense, but I just need someone to reach out to me. I feel so alone in all of this. Please",1.7625920037883915,3.8722832500000015,3.0841164930320666,91.18393688269519,79.9318766066838,5.894222703287783,22.254836963874983,7.005888975835272,0.6052825192802058,5971,187,1266,70,152,1936,460,1556,0.156,0.7340000000000001,0.111,-0.9974,2,1,4,0,1,6,203.0,3,1,14,14,100,71,10,4,58,0,133,24,9,14,26,225,256,97,4,22,56,13,11,6,9,5,12,17,7,3,67,51,1,7,40,10,4,25,53,35,0,12,119,31,237,36,184,117,32,197,2,13,3,2,140,60,2,25,114,896,304,18,0.0,0.03334528183497544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636302331921594,0.02914803535208219,0.031056899704369006,0.0,0.1639227214282718,0.0,0.0,0.0956922559026021,0.059021537669680324,0.021529594834689112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631917777559435,0.0,0.02631024431773881,0.0,0.052883229887573664,0.0216405081280689,0.02349853165163125,0.20587118648789574,0.0,0.023947928134764474,0.0,0.08860416607313479,0.0248905165694849,0.0,0.03126093062293046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738806626213476,0.028910985134527736,0.02977194523150213,0.02424301430787466,0.0,0.06082595223944105,0.0,0.022470184444474017,0.0,0.0,0.12705098135929135,0.029014570365489017,0.07271950914056148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032254730983342694,0.028805923458340002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263736489758933,0.0,0.0,0.06331498832720353,0.04985333053206219,0.0,0.0,0.16729582607793292,0.0763718462752451,0.04742399245653461,0.026892188368913977,0.07588031698947709,0.0,0.026531056920221396,0.0316691064769123,0.056920517594456876,0.0,0.05404408181753738,0.0,0.0,0.07181618780851501,0.03403106494190996,0.061715487428090327,0.17394793283519336,0.0,0.029407490054347514,0.10799070880660863,0.09596712684855707,0.07081595016949815,0.04501763494002973,0.03102815586822048,0.12401234424874355,0.0,0.024887081998268886,0.059918264168539376,0.0,0.027785743354762846,0.05776641737377754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545560902526231,0.0,0.16938052003296158,0.0,0.0,0.03247366105204636,0.03012805100693898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340938052536693,0.0,0.04640056709115213,0.09176238482713156,0.031746938080867565,0.0,0.06115569013823913,0.0,0.1590279105602054,0.08249655033897617,0.0,0.04970220836589862,0.024905989676538936,0.02363333592340761,0.0,0.03072180406542805,0.07177943965690567,0.025400482920247425,0.07988978857149183,0.07514365046537362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022463762978766,0.0,0.08275443690270098,0.06260383877449825,0.3038825397099998,0.0,0.05986156935628827,0.026410638675425997,0.0,0.10801725915988412,0.0961242122261448,0.0295317241087828,0.0,0.15256536312679125,0.17123435941032064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02686602343749647,0.21462169930815697,0.04914739617159434,0.0,0.09267888027549093,0.02660457374998829,0.0,0.026953561172649583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028291851975243795,0.0,0.0,0.028150977910363337,0.0,0.1442348663676722,0.0289360633209213,0.0,0.060430876679230215,0.12752377132546286,0.0,0.08031234584411967,0.08952292395273925,0.0,0.2563432628609344,0.044853231428899035,0.05124131939685797,0.0,0.12717595310663274,0.0,0.04656095960633834,0.03163431795527967,0.0,0.05737722659436235,0.14307467534136498,0.06499840489176148,0.0,0.06300837907007209,0.07968006567159233,0.0,0.04495065036225983,0.09411644295555197,0.032238125989359,0.058843104909148576,0.0,0.03078427008465384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02116030567693224,0.0904822730289327,0.024598538784293803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478879648296204,0.1081987796233598,0.027650710191739127,0.1563988000261229,0.03282124131337662,0.06469330893547227,0.0,0.13446094184456991,0.03126831061829817,0.07642998145122687,0.06122379239162828,0.0,0.02929823228449915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959810416784756,0.02233889072399648,0.022574907348346645,0.0,0.0,0.10435671381311956,0.07618502013034519,0.0,0.06472695457443335,0.0,0.030520275483476737,0.0,0.0,0.05736098029606835,0.039984473666585175,0.0,0.0,0.16311062122328845
suicidewatch,glwqq,2019/01/12,"This is my last year feeling like this I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for about 5 years now and no real sign of getting better. I’m worse than I’ve ever been before and I’m gonna try therapy again and really try to better myself.

I’m writing this to remind myself to actually try an change because I can’t go on like this. I’m giving myself one last year to finally get better or I’m just going to end it all. ",3.8546520146520153,4.346287890109892,6.015109890109893,78.95072344322345,71.19780219780219,8.704029304029303,26.155677655677657,8.841846274778883,1.918449084249084,342,10,68,6,6,121,59,91,0.136,0.6859999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,13,16,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,1,5,5,11,13,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,12,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.16377402818655978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838647875584164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230521023663056,0.0,0.14280761855148766,0.0,0.0,0.4452855431753752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753772160290274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454834205498945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864407831191254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180828211349456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485790000954486,0.11989497286663603,0.0,0.18384524863018928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753643821964488,0.16099405200706535,0.19075883819466447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736012814140822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398267421889962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372328359145065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910228013774919,0.1075136733235707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754482398845211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919237291087889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418286409442899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102909587340992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324223446335596
suicidewatch,TheOldestRedditor,2019/01/12,I want to fucking die Don't pretend to give a shit. I just want some cunt to listen to mean bitch and moan. Fucking hate this life. Fucking hate this world. I fucking hate everybody around me. Everybody's so weird and disgusting. Fucking kill me ,1.4686322188449878,4.187706319148937,2.0924012158054737,92.02,92.19148936170212,5.238905775075988,25.863221884498486,6.868970318607317,1.3920966565349544,195,9,37,3,7,60,31,47,0.5579999999999999,0.383,0.059,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,14,13,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,8,14,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,14,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,2,8,1,0,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387473120593788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773448800515445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7470685005022247,0.0,0.15503919321632872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786944299461554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880692583686034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415592704501215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760499279256367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589906899137385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065355883176974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gralkor,2019/01/12,"A Friend in Need Hey - so a friend of mine really needs help getting to and from a doctors appointment to try and get on medication for chronic depression and worse. He's very suicidal, and I keep telling him that just because his brain doesn't produce enough neurotransmitters, that it's okay to use prescribed ones - he just needs to get to the doctors office to do so.

What i'm requesting is any assistance any of you could recommend, any services or reach-out programs, organizations, etc. They live in northern Colorado, 970 area code, He is twenty years old, N.E.E.T., and is in a toxic, abusive household they have extreme difficulty in getting financial independence. I can provide more information if needed
",9.138809523809524,9.481442563492068,8.474444444444442,66.36500000000001,59.87301587301587,11.644444444444444,42.60317460317461,11.20814326018867,5.088012698412697,577,31,92,14,7,182,92,126,0.132,0.7609999999999999,0.107,-0.6703,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,1,4,4,0,0,5,1,8,5,1,3,0,19,19,9,1,6,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,3,15,18,3,8,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,2,2,55,12,5,0.0,0.18521487000580852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189110020171956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529185476174996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745059785573362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480963008459345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463908226468707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200024156423595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152142105469602,0.17433928064675475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415464946982145,0.0,0.3266851649099036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477869767293696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894532242839516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803434181557733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747700149207644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463640280219845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403263492943387,0.0,0.10592718198770336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014326073476584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709898452851707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663147865456252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061317246401808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501118766884462,0.0,0.12898122885382235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593044941338381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006656242534926
suicidewatch,yinsenscience,2019/01/12,"i think i finally have the courage to make it permanent now hey,

i'm a 29 year old australian male and i've been suicidal for about 14 years.

turning 30 is not an option so the deadline will be later in the year, however i intend to utilise this current wave of pain to finish the job within the next few weeks, using either suspension or drop hanging with 1"" manila rope.

i have severe chronic depression, anxiety, borderline and OCPD, as well as a mixed bag of dissociative symptoms. never since mid high school has a year gone by without some kind of hospital admission. i've never held down a job or continual study for any helpful length of time.

one of the biggest cores of my pain is my incessant brutal self-loathing, comprised of horrible judgments and unreasonable standards that i would never ever hold another human to. this self loathing has been scraping the ceiling over the last few weeks-months and as a result i have 2nd degree burns about the size of australian $2 coins all over my arms which honestly feel like an achievement at this point.

i'm not even sure why i'm typing this as if a decade of psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, SSRIs, mood stabilisers, electroconvulsive therapy etc haven't manage to nudge the needle then i hardly think reddit has a chance... i guess it's just sometimes cathartic to have ones pain acknowledged.

sorry for the trouble",8.400457368718238,8.521613577075103,7.875248447204973,70.78815217391306,61.45059288537549,11.023037831733484,37.04376058723885,10.608840637214634,4.0517207227555065,1117,48,185,24,14,352,169,253,0.158,0.7909999999999999,0.051,-0.9802,4,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,1,0,20,0,15,7,1,4,6,34,27,13,1,2,8,0,2,1,0,2,6,0,0,3,8,5,0,2,4,0,1,2,7,6,1,2,4,2,11,6,33,20,6,33,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,6,21,114,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324169799783929,0.12835555415968689,0.0936418529556423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542990759515106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651737623001672,0.08084938825406537,0.11072512439689997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189320769463692,0.08744836316174308,0.0,0.1340920781195455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348463103229716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965360424702604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204756173160098,0.1293308665833616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294228069192034,0.0,0.0,0.1274691879153479,0.0,0.09977893003583543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980240916055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170834984886872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770496871119508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832259931152496,0.0,0.13018239122465294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844669803379366,0.0,0.1658937779570325,0.0,0.3907525109747232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571520979251715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388352101326792,0.0,0.0,0.25539666585024856,0.13828629836912734,0.0,0.10125723606059896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106472987953976,0.13702583381519218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389458160955492,0.0,0.1153681751391705,0.12722887357748186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998431761713848,0.0,0.0,0.156868321478206,0.0,0.0,0.07137714101188858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331448503454016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572128687162936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818838536594557,0.0,0.11005957253315128,0.0,0.11045426086349676,0.0,0.0,0.11799702954770765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695519428824372,0.0,0.0,0.3153071837548473
suicidewatch,I_dont_know20,2019/01/12,"I recently lost my girlfriend in a car accident and I the only thing in my mind is that I should join her It happened less that a week ago . I don't know what to do . She was the best thing that has ever happened to me . I woke up every day thinking how happy and blessed I was to have found such a beautiful person and told her every day . And she thought the same about me . I didn't just love her.  She had become a part of me . The only one who could understand me . No matter what , she was the only person I needed . And now she is gone . I don't know how to deal with this . The only thing I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry . My father is a police officer and he has a gun , so going out is easy . I know she would want me to live on but nothing else makes sense anymore ",0.6465285996055243,2.10039653254438,2.8383195266272203,94.78039842209076,80.71597633136093,5.6900986193293885,18.95897435897436,6.42735559955562,-0.16860978303747487,590,13,142,5,15,201,93,169,0.07,0.826,0.104,0.5448,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,13,0,20,1,0,3,1,31,39,11,0,6,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,11,9,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,11,0,28,4,16,25,4,17,1,1,0,1,18,7,0,0,7,109,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327896125147934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792208150999608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535941280378555,0.0,0.0,0.14594751279746435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110376975637133,0.0,0.15276409188782986,0.17937990518956135,0.14337715371876034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161768336422338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579861089626485,0.23434836258976574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248529990866866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903783814355206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24596186924907104,0.14804475930603989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292910477964144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280314819886864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518135463844658,0.0,0.12551793455190388,0.0,0.09283165826726764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042310279494788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312014621490603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334433611781731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423880504537224,0.4230821749528464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506014533107744,0.0,0.0,0.24286466030711906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373168493803995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771798264123116,0.08911173973871607,0.0,0.11040765533762413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288928207566286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477888526445465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405657010125094,0.0,0.11155519176394724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879277816356327,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,damagedsponge3333,2019/01/12,"Would like to see peoples reactions after death Know this is not possible especially if it is me going to commit suicide, just wondering how people would react to a suicide. I know the consensus is people would be sad and disappointed if this happened, and i would be too especially if theyre seen as a valued member society(which im not,). Personally i reckon there will be a sense of relief and people will easily get back to their own lives and ignore this happened. 

I think if people comprised the reasons then im sure they could see why i want to, and with reasonable logic too im sure they would understand. Mostly my reason is i cant get a job, due to my age getting overlooked will be something that happens more often than not as time goes on and have poor qualifications which will be useless in a couple of years if not now, so considering all that im worthless and not worthwhile

There is nothing left to live for and its imposssible to have a form of life at this stage. I am in no immediate danger and wouldnt let anyone know if i was",9.235425474254743,6.964608043902441,9.467967479674797,67.75165311653119,61.24390243902439,12.233062330623307,37.411924119241185,10.746095033038511,3.8852493224932254,839,30,154,16,9,281,119,205,0.177,0.737,0.086,-0.9688,1,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,3,0,10,10,1,0,8,0,27,1,0,5,4,50,44,20,3,14,12,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,11,0,1,1,8,6,0,0,2,3,14,4,21,25,5,15,0,4,3,0,4,5,0,9,9,116,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719771239854735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915349692740467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218816604758736,0.11389970017621595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613436472852724,0.0,0.058502428525746476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27308502510534577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447657889638363,0.0,0.10215076398682796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971723228234042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184318553897063,0.10526178263178518,0.07270863948413943,0.05029064324748163,0.0,0.181793494584013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987724472597853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568236248135579,0.08988209169664667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604790372405065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31751434655912336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640576133924792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924723103294573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251964337563345,0.0,0.1940369901306253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595895468953257,0.0,0.0,0.060024376693870875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716280437526096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071590514087545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928861546921489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163261589830767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656234519519997,0.0,0.0,0.06628913999522683
suicidewatch,oombag,2019/01/12,"End of the Road I've been depressed since I was about 12 (I'm 23 now). Over the years, I really tried to buy into the ""everything will get better"" mind set, despite the fact I would be wishing for death and clinging to that silly idea. I've dealt with sexual abuse in childhood, mental and emotional abuse as a teenager, and an abusive relationship from 18-20. I'm still trying to recover from that. Somewhere along the way I discovered alcohol and am now a recurrent binge drinker. This isn't something I want to be, but it has gotten worse over time. I've failed out of 3 colleges (2 universities and 1 CC), so there is no hope of higher education for me anymore. That means I'll be stuck working low income jobs for the rest of my life. I constantly live in fear and anxiety of what will come next or how my actions will affect my life. I attempted suicide twice as a teenager, but neither attempt was successful and left me in short term in patient care. Now it's becoming obvious that I don't think I can persevere the way I had wanted to believe. I'm tired all the time--tired of life, but also more so exhausted from trying to push through. I'm a loser, a failure, and I can't remember the last time I felt ""normal"" or ""good"". Trying to talk to anyone in my life about this and I get the usual ""life will get better"" or ""we love you and it's not as bad as you think"". Yes. It is. In fact, it's worse than you think ",3.857708333333335,4.724784909722224,5.144749999999998,83.82525,71.43055555555556,8.537777777777778,28.288888888888888,8.841846274778883,2.0663605555555558,1106,40,230,20,20,369,163,288,0.215,0.6890000000000001,0.096,-0.9907,3,0,3,0,2,1,44.0,1,3,0,9,12,15,0,1,16,1,20,9,0,2,4,43,41,24,2,6,7,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,0,12,16,1,0,7,0,1,3,6,7,0,1,7,1,23,8,40,26,5,34,0,4,0,1,7,14,0,4,14,143,35,5,0.0,0.3680680295237807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066303071264898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280857752665623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921516039827094,0.0,0.10269337836686747,0.07240428780907357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645959054039465,0.0,0.11436239746988887,0.0,0.11666493931255455,0.0,0.18316241225967675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557571818715678,0.0,0.0,0.08919881129586521,0.0,0.11190033068484513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918711855136945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647936234900592,0.09171421024891642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306370335881688,0.0,0.0,0.11652208824647647,0.0,0.0,0.09942385452734233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230117608708824,0.0,0.0,0.08685249141171716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284811713210996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689489404258815,0.0,0.0,0.10275699980888013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440674439559252,0.0,0.0,0.11250694313489903,0.0,0.3657007232241089,0.0,0.0,0.09143619371576056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934575566410094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279587075767285,0.0,0.0,0.1043536414449249,0.0,0.1045555770975365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012617410268767,0.0,0.10145662211531227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633652515332689,0.0,0.0,0.11117351779979462,0.11730151075419475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856572989838795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971754088062155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269484413881739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132664553710242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322924590803789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905120715397293,0.0,0.0,0.18114181305356386,0.11901503217704028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28121352428522073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404525477218358,0.0,0.12215247364692094,0.16438570492461202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907692940983705,0.0,0.0,0.07538534190418653,0.0,0.21105177731602806,0.07355866469525046,0.0,0.0,0.0666825472465257
suicidewatch,FeatheredDrake,2019/01/12,"The store I work at started going downhill ever since I got hired and I'm considering suicide That's it. I kept telling myself that I will end my life when I fuck up again, yet here I am, still alive. I fucked up and this time I'm probably going to end it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, anyway. 
I work for a retail company. They pay me really good compared to other retail stores in the area. I can say I honestly earn as much as I wanted and there's nothing more I expect in terms of money. However, I've been working for only two months and today we had an urgent meeting with a regional boss because he said he has  ""urgent announcements to make"". I knew it was bad. He was very harsh, and told us that the past three months were the worst ever since the opening of the store, ten years ago. He told us that it is mainly the cashiers' fault because we didn't check the customers for any stolen products and that basically, if we don't get our shit together, we're fucked. Everyone is giving me cold glances and my coworkers basically hate me now because they think it's my fault because I'm new and I tend to fuck up quite frequently. I tried my best but it's not enough. I'm fed up with everything, I'm fed up with everyone being disappointed with me, I'm fed up with being disappointed with myself, I'm fed up of being a failure. I just want everything to be over. Many of you will say that I should just ""find a different job"" instead of killing myself but what makes you think I'm going to be better at other jobs if I suck at such a basic one? Retail is fucking basic. Yet I can't work at all, I can't be a good employee and I'm literally no use to anyone. Time to end it. Reddit was one of the most helpful communities and I want to thank you guys for this, but some things have a shell time. My time has run out.",3.0176382047071684,4.313149621693125,4.571226053639852,85.50500000000002,73.94708994708995,7.753475643130816,24.939244663382592,8.326086129247049,1.4471432950191576,1439,45,304,24,29,483,190,378,0.18,0.713,0.107,-0.9884,5,0,0,0,0,3,40.0,6,3,2,8,16,21,9,0,17,0,27,11,1,4,3,51,69,19,2,7,11,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,19,21,4,1,4,0,9,4,8,15,0,5,17,5,44,6,42,43,10,49,0,2,1,5,25,17,7,4,28,199,63,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719009629065632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921656555211336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088751700859089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270715518210467,0.2123296968140611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138382130943597,0.07701411635457048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097880529747797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231377893717528,0.08997567118214549,0.0,0.0,0.15753550792020427,0.0,0.16641503749356926,0.15652160921973227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958843957677787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025147065177868,0.045495075492285424,0.08353391330818016,0.1484666550148973,0.14607512091035887,0.06964486585886022,0.0,0.0,0.08622169594680634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597228047670942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836707965515709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728245318872093,0.0,0.09633978306967472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061506326984605765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625154150762612,0.08828422892228455,0.17496470425529229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901092417898178,0.0,0.0640129325429009,0.0,0.0,0.08410124126111601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355445076860919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801368801169032,0.06622734628022067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312656144455377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388566727257276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261901549181084,0.0,0.0,0.05578490481412952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828318733399371,0.1384971031527351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893851300406127,0.14406495544970546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163481814088782,0.0,0.069541236871251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525006648904263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611070356042925,0.08017045353220688,0.0,0.0,0.05785128101176574,0.11159314941059104,0.0,0.0,0.20310537873759624,0.0,0.1650810285214553,0.16641503749356926,0.0,0.05912078469756184,0.0,0.08506332808102393,0.0,0.20949013339528708,0.07520811882585725,0.0,0.07184912416100347,0.15408398539387927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535775947133552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056075887941268984
suicidewatch,cash7777,2019/01/12,"Show me de wey Best way to die?

Need support dying
Not Looking for anyone talking me out:)",-0.11333333333333327,2.134069888888888,1.8277777777777795,92.645,100.11111111111113,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.07180000000000009,70,3,13,0,3,23,17,18,0.151,0.581,0.267,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430479134257936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366507615675716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6658616110621343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693839654366919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378627431930488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640302559474864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578399595094579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25462926546594056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AVZ_Gone,2019/01/12,I get closer to attempting every day. I just don't know what to do. ,-1.3520000000000003,0.6377088000000022,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,94.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,14.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,-0.08233333333333315,52,1,12,1,2,19,12,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945138257775231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6460506555987808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006142723335385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214057798819714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,makreeel,2019/01/12,"Am I a danger to myself or am i just dumb? Hi! this is super dumb, but I'm very confused and I don't really know what to do. The past weeks I've been working out my suicide and uh I finally found a method that could work, and I rehearsed it and stuff. And that's ... probably ... gonna kill me if I'm going to do it. I've been in therapy for a while and it's not doing a lot. I'm wondering if I should tell my therapist about my rehearsals and my plan.. I think it might be good if I get hospitalised but also...I might just be doing all of the weird suicide stuff for attention. Why would I post this if I was truly in danger.. I'd probably be dead already if I truly meant it lol. Idk man. whatever. thanks for reading this",-0.3701282051282036,1.6662883974359026,2.4643589743589764,92.83064102564106,88.10256410256409,6.030769230769232,19.56410256410256,7.3871296695380915,0.544771794871795,554,17,128,10,18,194,90,156,0.22,0.6579999999999999,0.122,-0.96,0,0,1,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,0,4,3,10,5,1,6,1,19,0,0,0,1,33,31,16,4,8,11,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,5,0,17,3,11,17,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,11,4,87,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713393759758818,0.12416579020093775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396689358653315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700858014750004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024064225072685,0.0,0.0,0.08111983235435488,0.0,0.08824098018449296,0.13022936209216487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177830714869624,0.0,0.08532987608769188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200120333735416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294243870325147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482185193806223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870146072564544,0.0,0.3348050094309343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530754950385306,0.0,0.0994670758858984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554837753943054,0.3396705837598841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570891896290968,0.1429476416938356,0.17755966787699093,0.1802752502593302,0.0,0.09948788384378694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281103249897046,0.0,0.0,0.12454464465540092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401029930235546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837884675318254,0.2260703136480781,0.0,0.0,0.1102961794636735,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2braincellIntel96,2019/01/12,"I just tried to kill myself As the title states I just tried to kill myself, I know I have people who care about me I'm just having a hard time believing that they do, I hear voices when I've had good days telling me that I did shit I didn't do and that I shouldn't even be able to walk because of what they think I am.  I get told by everyone new I meet that I'm a total sweetheart doesn't say the shit I do about people and myself, I degraded myself to the lowest person you can be on this earth just with words that came out of my mouth and I have to pretend that I don't remember what I said to people because it's that nd then there things that my head tell me I did but I didn't because everyone I thought I had harmed is alive and safe it just gets to much on my shoulders those as I can't grasp the reality and make believe in my head ",3.7880938416422296,3.3766222473118326,4.898093841642228,90.06259530791792,71.15053763440861,8.053958944281527,24.973607038123173,7.348242739294969,0.8094580645161296,662,15,160,6,11,219,99,186,0.118,0.8009999999999999,0.08,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,2,0,10,10,4,0,6,0,21,6,6,1,1,24,34,10,2,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,16,8,0,1,5,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,10,5,35,4,19,21,2,12,0,0,0,0,13,4,2,0,5,114,51,0,0.13971323723008447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555036779322257,0.0,0.0,0.3148179496282628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979472336013287,0.14244695675522148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010347982566884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227927552354848,0.0,0.0,0.2670039709051846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459888000030137,0.0,0.0,0.11718483473895185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515561808165762,0.0,0.2867721773359668,0.0,0.15746697240709756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309143993513702,0.0,0.07678274136484475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325967074214828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270530497522333,0.0,0.0,0.134935915125102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29057870147460546,0.12199220975853126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582678623137948,0.0,0.13289928261520925,0.1111055739240939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868272605670284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24423105489859684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928192667245594,0.08952260104377516,0.0,0.11091670424064784,0.08146791217295378,0.0,0.0,0.1335019854525923,0.0,0.18971223412294674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xythic,2019/01/12,"Difficulty starting a new year Objectively 2018 was a really great year for me in terms of my uni studies, finding part-time work that was relevant to my degree, getting a raise at my first workplace and starting a relationship with a really wonderful guy. I've always been quite close with my family and have loving, supportive friends. There are a reasonable amount of people I care about and I know care for me too.

I know that I am living a life others may never get to experience and I am truly thankful for everything that's happened in 2018, and proud of myself for getting through all the challenges when I thought I couldn't. 

But I simply can't see myself starting a new year and having to go through everything again. I just can't. I can't formulate any clear goals to work towards for this year. I can't feel any drive or motivation. I can't see a future when I used to be able to, and every year feels more difficult to get through than the last, even though, objectively, I always seem to be moving onwards and upwards. I'll break my family and loved ones' hearts if I let them know about how I feel right now. 

How much easier would it be to leave all this behind if I weren't so attached to these people in my life? I feel trapped and just want to leave everything so I can be this little soul that flits about into everywhere and nowhere; that feels nothing and only observes what happens in this world.",6.495760869565218,6.578598177536236,6.657065217391306,78.05885869565219,65.41304347826087,9.943478260869568,32.10507246376812,9.673873057562805,2.849055072463768,1131,41,216,21,16,363,149,276,0.048,0.787,0.165,0.9864,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,8,17,11,0,0,11,0,23,5,1,5,4,47,54,23,0,5,6,0,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,13,16,0,0,14,0,0,3,8,1,0,2,5,7,30,10,36,41,6,34,1,0,2,2,6,11,0,6,19,150,43,5,0.09889189044518948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457194982913756,0.0,0.0,0.134499753300298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165374621574766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531716096741604,0.0,0.08332068287233332,0.0,0.2666329636386898,0.0967352447214089,0.18645294631772333,0.0,0.25001355588964724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038539628925056,0.08411739149373251,0.0,0.0,0.07640362924601263,0.0,0.206667724581418,0.0,0.0562025403045108,0.0,0.0,0.10902865833486346,0.0,0.09791851930160517,0.1748995442503949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718736632343768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630451902269394,0.08061008963762317,0.0,0.2094244662394051,0.0,0.10112365811077373,0.1397005336041766,0.0,0.09911565405787376,0.08732335104652382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850758424793353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510642917036364,0.07269691812396506,0.0,0.07627152240299444,0.191020808052676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488943601119368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701170430790125,0.07521173892281896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709028040776712,0.0,0.13711837036891447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518369833186364,0.0,0.0,0.12670535458153154,0.10167733379875016,0.0,0.10617288108128116,0.0,0.08445313410408242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760806621719664,0.09002746294164547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099885671526156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222134535527917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104636617742858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716078026084607,0.07850911468212493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541084183069693,0.0,0.0,0.05832899918510464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072440367421919,0.14398894808165733,0.0,0.0,0.07024996162531334,0.0,0.0,0.3184156757435701
suicidewatch,ilikeflareons,2019/01/12,"Why would life be worth living :c Im not actively planning to kms, but recently everything just seems to be going downhill. Like, for every good thing that happens later happens something really bad... Im starting to feel like its some karma and maybe i am a bad person, who deserves all this.

1) one of my biggest concerns and fears is my stupidity. I feel like a dumbest person in the world. And it hurts so much, i really like science and enjoy it, but i feel like i will never be able to achieve anything. Even if i finally finish school and start studying i will fail, cuz i will be too dumb. I am afraid of failure. I don't want people to see me as weak or dumb. And for some reason, i treat someone else's success as my failure. Even if the person was just a point better. I know that makes no sense, but i just can't think differently.
Everyone who i try to talk to about this either ignores my concerns and tells me i have no reason to think like that or they don't know how to help. 

2) i feel like my friends don't like me anymore. Its not like i have many of them, they are basically just acquaintances, we spend time together sometimes, but that's all, we don't have some deeper relationship. I feel like they are just hanging out with me because of pity or something like that.

But what hurts the most, i feel like my bf doesn't even like me anymore. He says that he does, he has no reason not to like me. But recently we were talking less and he doesn't even send me memes :< i don't know what is true, whether i should believe him or my brain.

3) that's something that happened yesterday. There was this group and i have basically been called out on my views. That was something that happened a few months ago and during that discussion i probably wasn't feeling too well, but that girl decided to bring it up now for some reason. Long story short i have reacted way too hard and said some passive aggressive things for which i have received hate. It made me feel really bad. It was a sort of support group, and now i have lost all of it. Now i am all alone because of some dumb shit i said a long time ago. Cool.

All of these things and maybe more are making me feel like i just want to die. Please send help. Or something, i don't know how to deal with life anymore.",2.707241225874633,4.450281171366594,3.6100216919739694,90.23414261082377,75.68112798264642,6.637098837532678,24.83569720229157,7.419758726546812,1.0245350798153403,1784,60,379,22,39,570,206,461,0.196,0.629,0.175,-0.9146,1,1,5,0,0,2,57.0,3,0,4,6,22,44,7,2,9,1,41,5,2,11,7,93,76,34,1,6,25,0,10,15,2,5,3,3,0,4,32,20,0,1,21,0,2,6,17,19,1,1,11,16,55,25,35,56,17,35,1,5,2,0,37,9,4,16,34,247,87,4,0.06080195732537619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779453317753357,0.0,0.0,0.06297249087818405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808976110803986,0.0,0.0,0.0500348302162711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230128400170492,0.0741286176843696,0.0,0.0,0.06850298482110583,0.0,0.05377439023564271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787509278970412,0.0620855964955745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268414819747589,0.0,0.0,0.06310283231266989,0.0635251043680747,0.0,0.0,0.05320820259259662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079223340859505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606364775059771,0.0,0.05122827141354591,0.0580988758350353,0.05464487871120751,0.0,0.0,0.06841910594139365,0.2766896686630509,0.3040585132343799,0.0,0.06660557227375492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697544140380927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034555153529667704,0.05099779707519919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506788024512985,0.0,0.05446661104201677,0.0600293449907036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150854068989112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017950570561526,0.0,0.13135309515933508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366066254988787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589244117283043,0.4455714768552766,0.0,0.053689242261804285,0.10761563781388483,0.0,0.0,0.0663725188645802,0.0,0.0,0.057532282151095786,0.08117155729924971,0.06164364148337076,0.12216747694371928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853154225260601,0.0,0.044696434597026186,0.0,0.046894217811101896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120097985069855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215242152902648,0.1592697716870891,0.0,0.06674229065815639,0.05747750260188405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555479369788834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685387235720032,0.2500581547287173,0.12006919531204463,0.06527854767013731,0.0,0.0,0.1156731698491212,0.04835215687701164,0.0,0.061534826874860137,0.04845128793237266,0.055351818387208165,0.0,0.0,0.062412335446893986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051517301131982,0.23404158631973185,0.06013469049682019,0.0,0.08607187668171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899734063704413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774062032185636,0.053143590657129584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118235622295355,0.07791887835733607,0.0,0.0,0.07090822054563077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041280537878630515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172513950980197,0.048261763626725115,0.0,0.0,0.054668261657038635,0.0,0.05486430934666426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319196599056817,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeardedBiscuitBandit,2019/01/12,"I'm the guy with the scars That's the thing most people notice about me when we meet. Most have enough courtesy to not ask immediately. Some are like, ""looks like the bear won!""

I lost a child a few years ago, still haven't cried about it despite how badly it hurts. It's as if I've forgotten how to. I feel like anger has replaced any normal emotions.

When it happened my SO was devastated. I had to be the strong one. I never showed emotion. For the longest time I tried to get her to talk about it but she wouldn't. In reality I was the one who needed to talk about it but I couldn't bring myself to tell her.

I started drinking heavily, at least a 5th of Jack a day. I locked myself away, not eating, barely sleeping. I hated her for our child's death. It wasn't her fault. I just needed someone/something to blame. I didn't know how to handle it. As the days grew so did my resentment. For our child being gone and for her seemingly not caring about how I was doing, acting like nothing was wrong. 

A few weeks later I put on some of my favorite tunes while she slept and locked myself in the bathroom. I slit my wrists most of the way down my forearm. I don't remember much except her trying to stop the bleeding and I was laughing, I felt happy to be rid of it all. I can remember a darkness, like I was floating on my back in nothingness. It was very peaceful, warm.

The anniversary of ""the news"" is nearing and I can't stand it. More and more I replay the moment I found out she was dead in my mind. I just keep thinking how easy it would be. 

I don't want to feel this tightness in my chest, the shakeyness. It's hard to even see pictures of her. I don't know why, it would be of little consequence but I want to pack. Maybe clean up the house, get a hair cut, new set of clothes. Somehow all of that seems important.

People say it's selfish. To some extent I'd agree. I would feel sorry for the one who had the misfortune of finding my body. But do they not realize your pain trumps anything you may put someone through? Would they have preferred you stuck around as a cynical hateful bastard and drug them down into the pit as well?

Despite what anyone says love always has a condition. When it gets hard you're on your own. 

",1.5482236024844696,3.7193840483516496,2.7647515527950333,92.85818322981369,81.04395604395604,5.45102723363593,21.75943621595795,6.601985625127523,0.3675953177257534,1742,54,372,17,46,559,235,455,0.147,0.71,0.14300000000000002,-0.2255,1,0,3,0,0,0,57.0,3,4,3,3,23,27,7,0,28,0,39,13,7,5,3,70,73,26,2,13,12,0,9,5,0,6,3,2,1,4,23,11,2,3,15,2,0,6,15,14,1,3,20,13,61,13,59,41,17,45,0,2,2,1,34,18,1,11,23,264,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333408255762273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822374753858817,0.0,0.0,0.06392993919734273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573389091285232,0.0,0.07736211752282808,0.08368872060488318,0.08788654335896669,0.0,0.08832537281576802,0.07228779151341057,0.07849431939637083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044237788693385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958493336839494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326543406909107,0.12125718513925307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920938882314123,0.10902160962680564,0.09619557241024096,0.0,0.2114969135098277,0.0,0.09713733199964987,0.0,0.06209263625735891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426026534711973,0.06716067396874217,0.0902642233685033,0.0,0.08592332323760052,0.0,0.0,0.10307697633411364,0.0,0.0,0.14734883978237698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308455713325953,0.08313262259006632,0.10007526076623932,0.16842876637292578,0.1856305786155739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847477452540592,0.10063951627227108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356029699587031,0.0,0.0,0.10333073820445264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964238317123584,0.09422259271029736,0.0,0.0,0.07894461857768473,0.0,0.10262288454849176,0.0,0.08484758319039715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944455559051136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094923175232151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910807553858901,0.1394142632415145,0.07250621164821712,0.09079532374285623,0.0,0.0,0.0921097179783136,0.0902050111738356,0.10703086655316983,0.0,0.0,0.1911105742632591,0.0,0.10003313591092887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303492216963643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890117815174608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298972602732305,0.0,0.0,0.14952085283923516,0.0,0.0,0.07491369941608529,0.1711661201073049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407776848635586,0.0,0.07965426258876865,0.07237339520424006,0.0,0.10523635912013488,0.06654067387137774,0.0,0.07507640815431288,0.07859646555075886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112315407906848,0.08216877499596173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062455984116738125,0.06023773238234064,0.0,0.0,0.054817914515494885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765306923070727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756799294536854,0.11089892077407493,0.07462066351402344,0.07540905168096276,0.0,0.0845261683671149,0.0,0.0848292904990246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712767362745743,0.10278504113685458,0.0,0.06053927770207185
suicidewatch,ThisIsIesu,2019/01/12,"I’m the problem and the only way I can fix it is by ending it. I’ve heard all these stories of people coming out of depression by seeing through their problems. I’ve tried everything, working out, eating well, being productive, reaching out and making friends, but it’s all pointless. Everybody either thinks I’m an annoying piece of shit or just doesn’t give a shit about me. The only thing stopping me from doing it is because I haven’t tied up all loose ends and I don’t know what will happen after I die.",5.91993399339934,6.0773724950495085,6.396782178217823,79.18283003300331,66.62376237623764,8.713531353135314,31.684818481848183,8.344100000000001,2.3954739273927386,406,15,75,5,6,132,72,101,0.268,0.687,0.045,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,3,0,5,0,9,3,2,1,3,20,19,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,7,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,2,7,2,13,16,5,10,0,1,1,0,4,4,2,1,4,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896025979351073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681025108627601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808047492214542,0.0,0.20253255922251967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996848714536497,0.0,0.0,0.34568597497335946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753862184655524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077067097368238,0.0,0.0,0.18720350808793024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256851474106827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724810227009056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302626414170764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968373218496722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529088151540938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734600913845168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550749440133066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006327311104175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631522608263377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964749673379272,0.1250428013061699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324925154106361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489920407186536,0.0,0.0,0.17546126751941854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420698894103853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sick_Moop,2019/01/12,"I feel unsatisfied everyday and I see no point in going on. I always feel dissatisfied with myself and everything at all times.

I never smile or laugh genuinely anymore, and isn't the entire point of life having fun and accomplishing what you love?!

How can I do that if I find no motivation to leave the house, to draw, heck, to play video games, eat, ANYTHING!

I can't be happy for too long anymore and I don't know why.

The only 2 things that keep me from living are

1. The things I enjoy in life and the possibilities I will enjoy in the long run
2. My friends

But I seem to enjoy neither ideas anymore!

I also find myself not enjoying my favorite music anymore, and I find myself crying as I listen to it, thinking about how we'll all die soon and the things I work hard all will just be for nothing! 

I don't *want* to live forever but I want to die knowing that my favorite things that I've worked ***SO*** hard on are safe and won't be destroyed by this unknown universe I'm in but I'm tortured by the fact that I can't, and that its out of my control!

Please somebody help me! I don't *want* to be so careless but what other choice do I have?!",0.4810841613091768,2.8371437711864482,2.5337931034482786,91.39110169491528,87.98305084745762,4.950087668030391,20.426066627703094,6.48374012150746,0.28057732320280593,894,29,189,10,29,299,127,236,0.177,0.705,0.118,-0.912,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,1,1,0,5,9,14,2,0,8,0,21,4,0,4,5,44,37,22,2,4,8,0,4,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,16,12,1,3,11,3,0,2,12,3,0,0,0,6,31,11,26,29,4,18,0,0,1,1,7,10,1,3,6,133,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003066769014761,0.09367608049125303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465988281829804,0.0,0.0,0.0926442439294697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626871939126116,0.0,0.0,0.12366450621722475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336817838352245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519806283326695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101180186900506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384827127460533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086898952154201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697949474991452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398215120917411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984414551472115,0.20170021473350408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546040521542265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990290071055127,0.0,0.12708979763401365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000668128741436,0.0,0.0,0.12374271054305976,0.0,0.0,0.11920660341357167,0.0,0.0,0.15903801886242044,0.0,0.0,0.19882147036339773,0.1992605822216385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160838981168792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682910154775747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802412506849213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562262179594936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357969497286372,0.2128501185469806,0.12691771454089645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971216487597851,0.10248915290486203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991742011538802,0.0721371047133105,0.0,0.0,0.06564665506447312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992088698582345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158648357881957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392003988956896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpnhealmeplease,2019/01/12,"How to Activate Extreme Self-Confidence and Destroy Chronic Anxiety and Fear  Hi Everyone, since I read some questions in posts and comments about how to have confidence,  I just like to share this helpful article about [How to Activate Extreme Self-Confidence and Destroy Chronic Anxiety and Fear](https://medium.com/the-mission/how-to-activate-extreme-self-confidence-and-destroy-chronic-anxiety-and-fear-d8c678b16010).  I hope you guys find it helpful too.",12.36291666666667,13.506340569444447,9.949444444444444,55.79000000000002,53.02777777777778,14.422222222222226,56.88888888888889,13.427899808715575,8.628488888888889,379,28,45,13,4,113,39,72,0.189,0.569,0.242,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,13,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,1,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26577489536840165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659870658239135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864151317016884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876752194781305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199991702823186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232867905174604,0.0,0.0,0.1725329307685166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486578669557858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636587811965198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459462321087653,0.0,0.17375671177494875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5436513161690261,0.0,0.0,0.14369446177046044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TiredButOkay,2019/01/12,"Never Can Get Into Chat I have anxiety when talking to people on the phone and I have waited in the chat just under 10 times, never being able to talk to anyone. Luckily I'm still here. 

​

Please, if you need to call the hotline. I want to be there in text form for some others that can't reach the chat either but I don't know how to do that. If you're in need of just someone to listen to you or talk to, please reach out.",0.9340458937198052,2.8429380326086964,2.6336231884057995,94.38770531400968,81.71739130434783,4.958454106280193,16.743961352657006,5.82211442006289,-0.5650835748792269,337,6,75,2,9,111,60,92,0.04,0.871,0.08900000000000001,0.6599,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,2,19,16,7,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,18,14,3,12,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,4,5,56,9,0,0.1978138230790544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143311946604131,0.2403654468429487,0.0,0.0,0.15132703321523305,0.0,0.0,0.13831602449735275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199003027501872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033495580943463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871330388585118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29335288664653564,0.3051324303878751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371391978398777,0.0,0.0,0.43428035072920856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676070103647638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797437463746505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769857738095053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534683101402272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667571803145628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403654468429487,0.0
suicidewatch,lsrgunpewpew,2019/01/12,"I want to thank you all for reaching out and commenting. I have had a difficult struggle. My depression and suicidal thoughts have led me to a dark place. One of my best friends killed himself right before Christmas. His death really hit me hard. He was one of my best friends. My gym buddy. My confidante. I am sad that he didn’t reach out to me. I would do anything to have him back. He was family to me. I am so hurt from what he did that i decided not to kill myself. I could not put through my loved ones like he did. It fucking sucked. I have felt desired to do the same but reading this sub makes me feel that maybe... just maybe someone cares about me. Because of that I will not do the same. I owe it to everyone I know to give it a second chance. 
",0.5912329749103904,2.879080470967744,2.0044623655913973,96.02891577060932,86.22580645161291,5.7670250896057365,22.159498207885303,7.1686216300943375,0.6607777777777777,583,21,132,9,18,187,95,155,0.131,0.6940000000000001,0.175,0.655,1,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,1,0,2,4,17,4,1,5,0,18,2,0,2,1,23,32,4,4,4,5,0,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,2,1,2,4,9,0,4,8,3,28,8,18,20,5,7,0,3,0,2,14,4,2,0,2,96,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258960301382166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763827400810226,0.0,0.09326002152657296,0.0,0.13018145947274284,0.0,0.32110278572899503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598138971107814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221484125533568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176827905928098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618652229873047,0.0,0.0,0.14422340386995666,0.0,0.07735529366769595,0.0,0.14689240353653113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639618886152575,0.14143487513189001,0.0,0.14675996189344834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704713447878067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377674214993754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385169527486743,0.0,0.08407816479010707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747421743832353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807757895640635,0.0,0.10212063056815457,0.0,0.30739387528119816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110057401166597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983982396837867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379512417934113,0.0,0.0,0.1530293296912003,0.0,0.09800798478753382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065085544125732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962617576430638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599362006156283,0.0,0.1673439633638164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408507304327974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145532669650877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023624429585186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867823531274984,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thirty4dee,2019/01/12,"Am I irredeemable? I've been a diagnosed manic-depressive since I was about 13. I struggle with relationships and impulse control. For the past nine months I've been in an incredible relationship with a wonderful man. The problem is, for three months I've also been sleeping with another guy. At first it was just sex with him. He was wild and fun and a risk that made my adrenaline pump. But tonight I saw him flirting with another coworker. Flirting in ways he never flirted with me. We chatted and essentially called things off, him stating he wants someone he has a future with, and me being crushed despite the fact that I did everything wrong. I know I'm garbage and I know I don't deserve my boyfriend, or anyone for that matter, but why does it hurt so much to be rejected, even if it's with someone who I know is wrong for me? I hate myself for this. I have no idea how to regain control over my life ",4.077360774818402,5.8102166271186455,4.874047619047619,82.63639830508475,71.99435028248588,8.22098466505246,31.286924939467312,8.841846274778883,2.6195636803874085,721,33,139,14,14,233,111,177,0.17,0.777,0.053,-0.975,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,6,12,1,2,8,0,15,4,1,4,2,34,24,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,15,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,8,0,3,9,1,22,4,21,13,1,14,0,2,1,1,15,5,0,3,7,96,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476261692776694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009595212017189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034353679225703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653684638657594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321910945353231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236024990032871,0.14565673761648745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255840750498856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478511988707362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897497406001515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206710945839752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209464180167575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168360138436498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536273733926667,0.16200210589903066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366033317091147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013633448686301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578993627684974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290920778213243,0.0,0.10549426824044336,0.0,0.1106815619029108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369938139462724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731696258742648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081459485682653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871059839410705,0.0,0.14361079029932114,0.0,0.24318628694390754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500248331261054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533977455287368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846442358909507,0.11390929687562497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949288280431992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562738381806496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138050833072794,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway299987112,2019/01/12,"(t.w.: existentialism, anxiety) I don't want to die, but I don't really know what other choice I have. First of all, I'm not depressed. For the most part, life has been pretty decent to me. But I can't stop thinking about the ""point"" of it all. Why *should* anyone keep going? I mean, we all die, most of us acheive nothing meaningful in the long run, and, frankly, the universe doesn't care when it happens, just that it will. 


I think about the things that are meaningful to me, like my friends, my family, my pets, my desire to make the world a better place. But what if it's all bogus? Just some illusion formed subconsciously by the brain during formative years just to keep the body alive? That thought really freaks me out, especially because some neuroscientists like Sam Harris really believe it's true. I wished I'd never boned up hyman biochemistry. It really feels like people weren't ever meant to know about this stuff.",3.7400071428571415,6.088650011428572,4.319053571428572,83.57800892857145,74.6,7.803571428571428,22.9375,8.660442795831766,1.5714071428571428,732,21,139,15,16,232,114,175,0.058,0.71,0.232,0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,2,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,9,0,11,4,3,1,7,40,28,6,2,5,8,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,15,3,0,3,10,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,4,1,16,7,17,22,10,15,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,5,10,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016442476153647,0.0,0.0,0.10069255274687827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778490340295006,0.0,0.0,0.16224578558686684,0.0,0.1273618691363725,0.0,0.1599585345673396,0.0,0.16075865570246053,0.0,0.0,0.1468240195992594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403241452711912,0.0,0.2989116059121285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026194218531933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575632269783847,0.0,0.07281391180454147,0.1028781289560214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249168457401935,0.0,0.0,0.11125890957531906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184209848865429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273442948361955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559988309213686,0.0,0.0,0.15828419195236465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171590793052583,0.2110626113191248,0.0,0.0,0.127441043219813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612532297474824,0.0,0.0,0.15686507677344638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106653568618984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381779279990602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594478877330467,0.0,0.09983583581395336,0.0,0.15045593253493514,0.0,0.13613249973803584,0.0,0.0,0.14650617753350836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36901649115918295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039571434589495,0.0,0.0,0.16485275943281147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567138636856873,0.18454684367619695,0.0,0.11432491594255975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732218469664254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493864637055963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299432863236036,0.0,0.1656001372067046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273533528321716
suicidewatch,doritosandpopcorn,2019/01/12,"I feel like I’m dying slowly. I just can’t take it anymore. I often fantasize about horrible things happening to me. I have even envisioned my funeral and what kind of shit show that would be. I was emotionally abused as a child and a teenager and I’m finally 22 and can no longer handle anything. Im an insecure overthinking mess. No one has ever loved or cared me. I’m a burden to my boyfriend who can no longer handle me either. I feel guilty dragging along a normal guy into this and seeing him so frustrated over my emotions makes me feel like I’m toxic to him and to everyone I know. Everyday I feel like I’m closer. I fantasize about someone shooting me, sleeping and never waking up, being stabbed, getting run over. I deserve to go. ",2.7533268101761266,5.042555369863017,4.560704500978479,80.93904109589043,77.49315068493149,7.733072407045009,27.55185909980431,8.634040054169528,2.4159859099804306,588,25,107,13,14,199,94,146,0.239,0.672,0.08900000000000001,-0.9715,0,0,0,1,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,1,5,0,9,4,3,1,2,23,27,10,2,2,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,5,20,6,14,23,1,11,0,0,1,1,6,5,1,2,7,73,26,0,0.0,0.19336161799509569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184745377715912,0.0,0.0,0.13429712789977374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639009682048944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937259715486608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671490511574405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779000084412144,0.1476209221856068,0.0,0.15594161357448694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300689864806656,0.3497636534762779,0.0,0.17877420628435026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852636346908763,0.0,0.09274854842339372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159057010209618,0.14431446302290446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628063635267238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994443829083564,0.08968873790538744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391892581910463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472915568572057,0.0,0.10893518540306912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586749550095205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598982935348881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058643022647656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004678509424847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751925328427286,0.0,0.0,0.1633147399721741,0.0,0.1382761877929395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227037445120889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842075625136273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593038201200287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BigMamaH2007,2019/01/12,"I’m in so much pain. I’m miserable every second of everyday. I try so hard to be happy but everyone is sick of me and the last person I thought I could turn to won’t let me talk to them about it. 
I’ve wanted to kill myself for 5 years. Lately I’ve been feeling that way even harder but the second I feel the urge to do so, a whole new insanely excruciating pain arises. It’s all the faces of the people I love crying and dealing with the pain, it’s my mother who wouldn’t be able to live with the fact her child offend her self and my baby nephew never knowing who I am when I practically raised him. Wondering why his auntie killed himself when he was one some day in the future. I can’t even explain that pain and then it stops me and it simultaneously makes me want to kill myself but I can’t because of that empathy. 

I can’t handle being in this world but I can’t exit it my own mind won’t let me so I sit there stuck in that mid phase sobbing. I’ve been clean (self harm) for 2 years but I feel like the only way lately to get out of that “kill yourself but you can’t”phase is to ruin my streak. It’s the only thing I can think of to offer me any relief other than returning to alcoholism. ",1.4388900255754464,3.1591677568627503,3.588030690537085,89.0852685421995,79.27450980392156,6.1602728047740865,19.32225063938619,7.079830092131019,0.23991560102301746,938,21,206,11,23,321,142,255,0.259,0.6659999999999999,0.075,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,0,10,17,5,1,11,0,21,8,1,1,3,33,38,18,4,4,6,2,4,1,0,3,6,0,1,4,17,8,1,1,8,0,0,0,8,13,0,3,5,4,33,4,28,24,5,26,0,3,0,1,21,8,1,2,16,140,50,0,0.10562079047274033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287650368185473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182575941269753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643854535354486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843296067505418,0.0,0.11601947876406875,0.06811667206493227,0.1088903971840489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395230719476916,0.0,0.08899007136062337,0.10092519157624097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021513563804898,0.0754555138177575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055182503684643086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124352954688504,0.09461548222606506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674150225442768,0.0,0.058046424221516665,0.0860950412544002,0.23828970434212465,0.0,0.0,0.21600882857173886,0.0,0.05160098311278002,0.0,0.09326509305001457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532688711262864,0.0,0.07050269779943341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664688927464508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764343388137522,0.0,0.08146126492777007,0.10200921760337664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157138111187117,0.1606587412192389,0.449551871529682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322415721603395,0.09222400025699144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203710390030873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830371022113878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489399053755364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016975998060307,0.06767753775433426,0.0,0.08385110967857352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717095836002164,0.114885090260853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459575752228452,0.16767373446827488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530633513860784,0.1179218406269332,0.0,0.0,0.11454124178641302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603265230160685
suicidewatch,cultCREEP,2019/01/12,"Forgot to take my antidepressant. Working Graveyard shift. Don’t want to exist anymore. Im working a 16-hr overnight double alone in a huge group home. There’s nobody to talk to, my girlfriend is sleeping, and I’m having insane dissociative and suicidal episodes. I’m epileptic but I don’t feel like a seizure is coming on. It’s absolutely the heaviest I’ve ever felt depression and there was no trigger. What should I do?",2.91012658227848,5.908515518987348,3.9213797468354414,81.01903164556964,83.68354430379749,6.197974683544303,29.418987341772148,7.554174236665415,2.3471458227848103,342,17,57,6,10,110,58,79,0.198,0.725,0.077,-0.8591,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,1,1,12,16,4,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,4,1,6,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,33,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735483753252578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619357909100725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227515751809748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22748592760563555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891140765674576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354686621721273,0.1886871805658165,0.2535963504668349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649336139188197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285294620505698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903555386940355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643104638568082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889041050456061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858515915025987,0.2122894260610332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578465381683804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845646032630693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lanahbanana,2019/01/12,"Waiting game Desperate to end my life without hurting people and without suffering while doing it. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I was brave enough, I know I can never hurt myself, but I would not turn around or try to escape if there were any dangerous circumstances. How can someone become this dark and twisted when they were just happy and simple. 

",5.365909090909092,7.169823772727277,5.470121212121214,79.35518181818183,68.84848484848484,7.704242424242422,29.86666666666667,8.238735603445708,2.3377975757575764,283,11,47,4,5,89,54,66,0.08,0.6920000000000001,0.228,0.8245,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,1,17,13,9,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,9,2,5,9,1,5,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907197063817426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173998280615792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514553990497246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421029081139403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941571487470985,0.22650504107352995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333557097325152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469342883886354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204734195357665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483622335783828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907014130802636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197429868850051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185737981967796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883085161000575,0.23844017720336524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520834779367969,0.4226259229979725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572222193389518,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb,2019/01/12,"Places to chat to redditors? Are there places to talk to redditors around here? Sorry if this kind of post is against the rules, but are there subreddits or places that are for people to chat when they're feeling extremely down?",6.204285714285714,7.845166095238099,4.760476190476194,85.86785714285716,66.6190476190476,9.40952380952381,28.285714285714285,9.725611199111238,2.4365142857142867,184,6,35,4,3,53,31,42,0.027000000000000003,0.919,0.054000000000000006,0.2824,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,5,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,24,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793186426355405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946264211668454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666285763925441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750744002186375,0.0,0.8025288876275203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452176748445249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28661830828803003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579704166621304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IKaizer04,2019/01/12,"So it's been awhile (I guess) I am in this ""group"" since couple of months. I don't want to tell you about my past it really doesn't feel good to go back and think how my life was back then. Since November my life changed a bit I've met someone and now we are together. It's really weird to think about other stuff than suicide and how the world sucks but at the same time I am very thankful and happy to have someone I can share time and thoughts with. It helps me to be someone I always wanted to be. Just a normal guy. Now I have motivation to find a job and do something better with my life. But I am afraid of losing her I don't want to give her feeling that I don't trust her. Every day I think about her and how I can lose this relationship between us two because of myself and selfish thoughts. 

So can you guys give me any help how to change my mind ? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you 
Simon",2.145765706806284,3.700856387434556,3.3368291884816763,92.40116001308904,76.74869109947645,6.240968586387434,21.885143979057585,6.9077264865688965,0.3468138743455502,714,19,162,7,16,231,107,191,0.116,0.6920000000000001,0.193,0.9704,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,2,3,0,4,14,14,1,1,5,0,20,3,0,5,0,35,38,17,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,9,11,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,5,2,29,8,21,29,2,14,0,2,0,0,21,3,1,1,10,108,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319153349641146,0.0,0.0,0.15232532977773114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223951437203655,0.0,0.0682731064931991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905336928841726,0.12227310467346986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23695864063069885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392395666021297,0.0,0.07222961943245464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943633737936812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325938201467126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236439070717986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148778939416022,0.06365119843094807,0.0939388360230487,0.0,0.12347848920585976,0.12337872234291815,0.2217917933375286,0.0,0.1192242421172478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521024075967214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114100238654268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732307304537698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505948344821769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308632662822675,0.0,0.08939595141513099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097345261307836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691502257241754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434979206106349,0.0,0.0,0.12024422890983955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852922543184147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846873148021193,0.08622174078399683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821122498468046,0.12250793045845962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789142540911648,0.2062259210554276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529190936374626,0.0,0.177828233748677,0.1306141850146998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940603681692984,0.0,0.13472013007295702,0.0,0.0,0.09241030301254456,0.19817844609659332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956035835662087,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Copse_Of_Trees,2019/01/12,"One thing that stops me from killing myself is thinking about how many people wouldn't even blame themselves They'd just think - wow, that person must have been crazy. Or feel guilty. But would they really question their own actions.

I get suicidal because I'm tired of how little it seems like people own their own actions or roles in how events occur. It wears me out and I don't really know what to do about it expect be disappointed in the world and want to give up interacting with people.",3.684456264775413,6.1993590531914915,3.5471631205673795,88.23388888888887,75.48936170212768,6.305437352245864,21.08274231678487,7.3871296695380915,0.6713111111111107,397,10,75,5,9,120,70,94,0.201,0.7120000000000001,0.087,-0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,4,0,7,4,1,0,1,0,10,2,1,3,1,23,19,8,2,5,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,1,9,2,11,13,3,10,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,4,3,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153190983514182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251461402878748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091002269291905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273136555805555,0.20698706433042846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871848074750165,0.0,0.11858201841745755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541474021702828,0.21625908066205266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187577792971625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621191480774778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487650260655972,0.1884027869705085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171273786676356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27645666829542204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642968161950625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039409545388385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360182931584792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433485676673959,0.2765145014895787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24799685540272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272672400703012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327742385439946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,free-self-hate,2019/01/12,"Talking boi Look, I’m with someone. I won’t do anything bad yet. Please recommend the most painless suicide. Not telling me will only delay the inevitable for teens. I can’t take if Anymore. I have ruined my relationship with my mentor William and my friend Carson day (San Antonio) I wish I could talk to him and get actual advice. He would only tell the truth. Thank you —Clayton",1.9258333333333368,4.7525599166666685,2.951333333333338,86.72700000000002,88.72222222222223,5.102222222222223,25.25555555555556,6.742157984588678,1.3385622222222224,302,13,53,4,10,96,59,72,0.162,0.626,0.213,0.3214,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,12,13,3,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,4,9,1,3,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,2,3,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.2063755108582177,0.0,0.0,0.2066573477367281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973289585171956,0.0,0.0,0.17403131703121882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657828174091306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885082942325788,0.0,0.0,0.13638812060085864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339014043399785,0.0,0.1104903944870359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759126021269558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216825354019661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23214326289733556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705206704638345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918765242411366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313265184728687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900782537983815,0.3399617588095546,0.3696884363892823,0.19470382104278905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431933746013903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502304433534737,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PersonalWall,2019/01/12,"Man, why does everyone want to stop me like wtf dude Okay, here's a bit of information. I was not into a nice emotional state and started trying to hang myself using whatever I could found, I cut, and tried to drown well...I was just so done that time. I didn't think of anything else like I should have researched honestly. But then, my parents caught and I blurted out I wanted to die. Honestly the worst thing that I had done, like they removed every piece of string from my room, belt, scissors and duh. Now, I tried overdosing on salt because why not when you can't even order helium or nitrite or potassium chloride or any other peaceful method I can think of. All those needs preparation and It's hard to get since I don't go outside (social phobia), I stopped going to school and have been off for 3 months now. I can't jump from a building as I can't found any good place to jump. I would have if there were no chances being a vegetable. Now, I tried partial suspension using usb cables, aux cables, whatever cable I could find since no string. Well, broke 3-4 of them. Constantly trying to breathe in water so I can choke. I tried wrapping a plastic bag but tore it apart in sleep. I tried tourniquet but no luck there, my family found that and put my spoon away from the room. They won't let me have the spoon anymore since I used a hankerchief and a spoon. Man, I am just tired of these mindless fucks. I want to die because meh, I don't see much point in living. Like who the fuck wants to get a high school diploma, college degree and then do a job every day. It's fucking boring and irritating. Like just yesterday, I snaped and reminded my dad that I am fucking going to die by any means possible (which is true), and he just sat there like a fucking baby he is. Like at least do something or fucking let me get the thing needed for a peacefully ctb. It's just fucking weird why. First, destroy the person to the point they want to die so much and then MUAHHHHHH death is bad because you are the only reason I am living for. Fuck you dad, I don't in the slightest care about what happened to you guys after I am dead like FUCK YOU. 
ok I am done. I am just so frustrated that i haven't been able to get anything to die peacefully for the past 3 months. It's a constant living hell. Like been trying through odd ways but my mind is rational enough to not consider bleeding out a successful way to die. The method that are good requires preparation and fuck, I can't get them. Honestly, if this goes on I will then move on to more ridiculous method and will make a glorifying dead livestreamed and write a nice email to everyone to make my fucking family suffer for being such dumb idiots. I am controlling that urge right now but honestly, would do 10/10 if they keep pushing me. ",4.562233981693368,5.5433197409420325,4.996277650648358,85.1147025171625,69.88768115942028,8.201830663615564,28.113272311212818,8.452757503120043,1.8426043478260867,2195,75,444,33,38,698,258,552,0.25,0.632,0.119,-0.9983,2,0,4,0,0,3,65.0,0,5,6,4,24,48,18,0,26,3,53,17,2,7,2,76,97,38,10,15,21,3,1,9,0,6,2,0,2,4,21,19,2,5,9,0,0,11,16,24,1,1,16,3,58,24,53,69,9,58,1,2,1,11,25,21,13,8,31,280,79,7,0.05286186215894053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784363693571776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242476285557912,0.0,0.0,0.08700161686849613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049665459604418136,0.0,0.04413744686125786,0.09667230157807348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057711462375298485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389619152947121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142497869464694,0.0592890733466264,0.08441179105008348,0.0,0.0,0.034091527939771764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291736026556072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625977180509168,0.1622881147053845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044159302747796426,0.059462479916678336,0.0,0.05462043447665254,0.0,0.03491476140388452,0.0,0.0890767975646548,0.10102354927640596,0.0,0.0,0.0996669181163912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831478433989223,0.04496427294790002,0.0,0.1738809101302848,0.0,0.5375693373736611,0.13809070592572836,0.0,0.09012784340105222,0.0886760439297131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234155446748062,0.046745570128170384,0.0,0.04735384536652176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585145968854792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524572414736077,0.04698605194271767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810967111650724,0.0,0.23243072125556896,0.0,0.14003397828166395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057140694035928,0.0,0.0,0.057582064877002716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337541155754821,0.0,0.08438766808736728,0.05618379369440483,0.0777191021012737,0.07839280196126222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020382821861285,0.0,0.0,0.0586968421478857,0.0,0.05046262887508937,0.0,0.046156939060112416,0.055229394882259225,0.0,0.0999430924080746,0.0595938069434652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053140772014033916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435079843010092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045143741451427466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699805332995503,0.042124060092310116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311836359118594,0.0,0.05290003836359443,0.05388601141976495,0.0,0.040695644086871985,0.0,0.0,0.03741589811460947,0.0,0.0,0.08838976752474892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023814465349824,0.06774349360601394,0.0,0.0,0.030824176928712862,0.06075693425763745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871178756972476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369670291691648,0.0,0.0,0.15589647952482558,0.08391857132923405,0.0,0.0,0.0950583250706359,0.0,0.14309882538526789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510310039358377,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pmirhscisab,2019/01/12,"Can someone help please. I just dont know anymore  evertthing is so pointless. I dont feel like this is worth it for the last 2 years but ive tried keeping myself strong for someone very important today. Ive helped them alot and tried to be a positive influence in their life but i feel like i failed and they said some really hurtful things to me and i said some back and i just want to die. The only thing i found purpose in is probably gone and i dont know why im still here. Guess im too afraid and not even good at this. I just dont know what to do. Im a mess and ive hidden it for so long i just feel pointless. Im good at nothing and now the only reason i felt like it meant something is gone and i dont see why i shouldnt go with it. Who cares if people miss me, they obviously cant tell something is wrong with me. My whole life just feels miserable and its even worse cause i have nothing really to worry about. Good at nothing lol. Ive tried everything to feel less depressed. Sleep more, sleep less, workout, cut out fast foods and junk food, delete social media, study, read but nothing works. Haha it sucks and the last thing i liked just went away. Excuse the wall of text im a mess. Thank you   ",0.2931764705882358,2.5314338274509787,1.7924509803921571,97.35102941176471,87.19607843137254,4.968627450980391,17.911764705882355,6.42735559955562,-0.2569764705882349,946,24,217,10,30,304,136,255,0.222,0.647,0.131,-0.9828,0,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,4,3,16,22,2,2,9,2,20,6,2,3,1,48,45,18,1,3,11,0,6,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,13,15,2,1,12,2,1,4,8,11,0,0,8,9,29,11,20,35,7,21,0,5,1,0,13,8,1,5,13,125,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755273094714807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155203635197781,0.05856005495680591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764716739290632,0.07823424793512097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559393809827382,0.0,0.07903897319828779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462773581814751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060199974346516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844502767289617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925364124293484,0.10881319448847852,0.07312269154207512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417876525293145,0.08350225221346352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328179502563707,0.19163070983372046,0.0,0.0,0.08389555424890106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209290339137993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152767542548625,0.0,0.4113133035126187,0.0,0.0,0.06769186721353082,0.0,0.0,0.1255617355564978,0.12415628751975875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758392463521448,0.1488259115114856,0.0,0.0,0.06739657477450878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922988959063236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584170572866115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279769533905235,0.0,0.0,0.08359754909865091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211015880290931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617763888734587,0.0,0.09757628669336793,0.07830211048089544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488555008377965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060687292597806676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242405881918844,0.0776325011120429,0.12905520827474135,0.11725880433861854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608191023052701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656460072658699,0.07011516094058623,0.0,0.0,0.15178603962105006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218795936067297,0.0,0.0,0.1551168722902891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283752532303089,0.044919389285641015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705983295290728,0.1374397476964879,0.08502660395083103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544322465729545,0.07734116042428311,0.07761051955515637,0.0,0.08326575666093103,0.0,0.04904263022921335
suicidewatch,CrispySnilfJuice,2019/01/12,"How do I say goodbye to everyone before I do it? Is there anything I can say to keep my parents who already lost a daughter from killing themselves? And minimize the impact from people I've met online? Luckily I have no friends in real life so I can't hurt anyone like that. I really can't handle the suffering any more, I don't want to be locked up in a mental ""hospital"" again.",3.2761471861471883,4.725842350649351,5.199415584415586,80.64293290043291,73.54545454545455,8.25021645021645,29.71645021645022,8.841846274778883,2.5476164502164504,299,13,57,6,6,103,58,77,0.163,0.687,0.15,0.2589,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,0,5,13,3,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,8,2,8,10,1,4,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639265504607615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264164965976502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723101243095992,0.0,0.1968139274502603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351336171528592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853416078585626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477970398681806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25603304418852435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258247262705254,0.26460266819301537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893060906218307,0.11684483514203647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610788535914024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410239177507001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655664675638125,0.0,0.0,0.16580816996494427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222421931634233,0.15321639916955954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803901344132508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106679629794508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rockin69,2019/01/12,"I believe in rational suicide. It doesn't always have to do with despair and/or mental illness and we need to accept it. I'm a loser. That's not me being dramatic or having a misconceived perception of myself. I am exactly what one would call a loser and here's why:

I've been single for 7 years now

I've been unemployed for over 2 years

I don't have a lot of money

I live with my mother and I'm 38

I truly believe my best days are behind me

I am and have always been completely lost and confused regarding which direction should I take in life

I don't have any talent

I suffer from depression, which led me to abuse drugs and to the unemployment situation

I hate the idea of becoming old (which I already am)

I'm not brilliant or an expert on anything

I am not active on social media because I have nothing to show for. Most of my friends/acquaintances are on Instagram and I'm not. Which means, they have a life and I don't. Not being on Instagram is a constant reminder of my failure as a human being.

​

Now you may say: ""But you can still turn this around, you can still improve your life, it's not too late"". Isn't it though? Even if I manage to get a job, for example, it will probably be a mediocre one since I have no talent. Now, having a job and a salary, I may be able to look for a relationship. But because I'm mediocre I will probably only be able to have a mediocre person. A great-looking person or a very charming person or a very brilliant person would have no reason to be with me.

​

I don't believe in miracles. I don't believe everything might change tomorrow. That's religious bullshit...every religion tells us that we have to ""stick with it"" and keep going no matter what. Why? Because life is precious?

​

No...life is not precious. Not every life. The examples are obvious: the life of a child molester is not precious. The life of plants is not precious for most people. The life of animals are not precious for a lot of people, including us carnivores.

​

So...if you know that the suffering will not only not end but it will get worse...because you'll become old and your parents will die and your friends are moving on...if you know that you will never be able to turn your life into something special, something meaningful, something that makes you feel like you belong in this world...then isn't keeping alive the most stupid insane thing you can do?

​

I do suffer from depression but I've been getting treatment and I've been feeling better. So this is not the depression talking, this is the healthy me. I do believe the most rational, logical thing I could do is commit suicide. There's absolutely no point and if you are a loser, like me, I truly feel that that's what you should do. End it. Start over. I believe in reincarnation. It might be better the next time. Life is a gamble, sometimes you win it all and sometimes you lose it all and there's no turning back.

​

The world hates losers. Being a loser is the worst possible thing one can be, other than a criminal (although some criminals are definitely not losers). I'm a loser, I'll always be a loser so I should die. 

​

Rational suicide. I believe in it. 

​

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suicidewatch,hydroctonym,2019/01/12,"Same shit over, and over, and over. It won’t end unless I fucking do. I’m not going to say too much. I will say I lost my best friend in 5th grade. Rape and molested by my father and his friends who paid him to fuck me since I was 3 years old to 9. He cracked my ribs by pulling me up by my ear one handed and slammed fists into my side until I coughed up blood (got beat up more for bleeding on the couch). He has slammed my head in the door (house and car) as a way to make me “think again.” He said on the way to kindergarten that I was “a mistake,” “never should have happened,” “a mutation in the gene pool,” should’ve been aborted,” and if he was really generous “I was aborted but I survived for god knows why.” I have lost over 17 friends from suicide or other things such as: Overdosing (purposeful and accidental), drunk driving, drunk drivers, street racing, being on their phone driving, or just speeding. Sometimes all of the above or a mix and match. My grandfather died less than a foot away from me on his bed. My great grandmother practically raised me and died on my 16th birthday, which was also my first day of a new school, and my daughter was being born 3 days later. My mom almost died last summer because the docs fucking up and giving her sepsis, then denying, then stating she had sepsis. Spent the 4th of July with her in her hospital room looking over the city. I have found 3 dogs of mine dead, all were mine... I have overdosed over 20-something times. Had a heroin and coke addiction as early as 12. Lost my virginity at 12. Started cigarettes at 8. I have been shot at, stabbed, kidnapped/put in the trunk of a car and driven out to the boonies and left to die in the middle of the night. Personally tried to kill a kid for a stupid reason while I was coked out. Cracked his head open and now he will never walk the same or be able to speak as he used to. <btw this was a shit kid that said he wanted to rape and murder my mom and sister when we were in the 3rd grade. My oldest brother loves me again or is trying to, but is still struggling. My mom is no where near me and all I want is to hug her... and my little brother... he’s all I asked for ever. Every birthday wish, Christmas wish, shooting star, 11:11, every prayer, my goodluck charm, and every fountain. All I asked for is him. He came 6 years later. The monkeys paw style. My mother was kidnapped, beat and rapped in her own bed by a family friend. And best thing, he tried to catch her on fire. My sister is caring less and less everyday about me. My middle brother fucking despises me. I failed all the 14 schools I’ve been too. Disappointed my mom. Failed my great grandmother (like my mother for my formative years). Lost all my mom. Been arrested. Literally died. And first attempt at suicide was at age 6. After a heavy beating by my wonderful father, I said “I hate you dad, I want to die!” He in all his wisdom said “stay there.” Went to his room. Got his 357 Magnum hand cannon. 5 blanks and one live. Put the live in, spun the chamber, and closed it. Said “if you’re a man, do it.” I starred at him and said “I hate you.” Pulled the trigger, a blank. “At least you now have my respect” he said. First and last time he respected me. My life has been at a constant down since birth. I’m done and my mind is made up. Just needed to vent before I’m gonna dip out. I want to just step outside, buck ass naked, lay on the snow, and fall asleep. It can get to almost 0*F here. Other methods is OD’ing. These are the light layers to my onion life. Thanks for whoever read all the way through. The way I could’ve been helped. Ask and spend time with people like me. Even if it’s just your brother who you hate. If you suspect he’s like me, and you don’t want to lose them. Fuck even just asking about their passion and pay the fuck attention and don’t make it about you. Thank you all. Have a wonderful year and wonderful lives. Oh... and I’m sorry mom, my little brother, and my fiancé. You made my life bearable. Now it’s time for me to move on...",1.7898400202345923,3.8507000850801534,2.767589395807647,93.73930909924437,79.59186189889027,5.638629106200009,21.618151063897056,6.67199483983844,0.31292107243352696,3103,91,675,30,78,983,366,811,0.194,0.68,0.126,-0.9974,0,0,3,1,0,3,136.0,1,10,3,18,25,49,18,1,41,0,51,34,12,7,13,109,116,61,11,14,18,19,3,3,4,5,6,11,6,4,18,48,4,0,9,5,5,16,7,28,0,5,42,16,103,21,102,66,21,124,0,8,1,13,91,56,9,14,49,419,121,8,0.049907295821168415,0.0,0.0,0.05440631903861455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994989534191001,0.0,0.0,0.039910846437179036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662633841229925,0.0,0.04688954727170482,0.0,0.0,0.030423024309811895,0.0,0.042467432897788496,0.0,0.1047492558576993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708065096410695,0.05088381423658839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053932056891024135,0.0,0.0398469147195817,0.0,0.0,0.06437215415416678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107753622991626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510724910680651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420305082735383,0.0,0.0,0.06592659640592963,0.045144006316854966,0.12614714764005944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470481568646143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735336099099592,0.0,0.054720773888202415,0.1542330118041388,0.2768309447473157,0.026074502218888254,0.04787562575373467,0.028363466329253538,0.0,0.07983084717285308,0.1100459396621398,0.0,0.0,0.04413285687328368,0.0,0.0,0.14781936685210895,0.10243856753542356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03345180838828342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575863186958269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521502844507658,0.0,0.027427744594772173,0.08136221426458655,0.0,0.0,0.05422442293647625,0.0,0.1057529969177246,0.07314655147001421,0.10004044305971746,0.1322071696624118,0.0,0.04190955901614065,0.05583349823201608,0.21791883545092372,0.0,0.0450432829895261,0.09444698002783908,0.06662701499426628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039214180858436,0.3507049301050847,0.0,0.05304355725932218,0.03668760483561442,0.03700562747834722,0.07698316644895896,0.048200777296129,0.0,0.0468346163152298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052369311653526485,0.0,0.06763695051878299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459943500782188,0.04357712569690607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034123357574937,0.0,0.0,0.049920801444197214,0.0,0.03197189165238642,0.05131301215254251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33231286887174594,0.07937656953834364,0.0,0.1010176955887671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245824394663472,0.08256766166207058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03842107457300384,0.04935959169338538,0.05586713170130832,0.035324640853664886,0.05319453696836112,0.03985603091066725,0.0,0.0,0.052173941627943934,0.0,0.10918096269293756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918958654709464,0.0,0.0,0.0663123794733608,0.0319785799939225,0.0,0.0,0.11640538214865938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016513335849101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310387970530469,0.0,0.0,0.14718308064386454,0.158456353717746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046264563226024125,0.04503357189531279,0.0,0.11478185438838115,0.0,0.1623670002460505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285546489354597
suicidewatch,EggoWaffles208,2019/01/12,"Can’t cope anymore I don’t know what to do anymore. Im tired of living. I can’t put into words what I’m going through. Im sorry it isn’t much. I just want to give up. My life seems pointless, worthless. I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow. ",-2.5555555555555567,-0.9147417407407392,0.7351851851851876,100.47833333333334,105.29629629629628,3.1407407407407413,17.11111111111111,5.033348758259628,-0.7973555555555549,182,6,45,1,9,64,35,54,0.15,0.7609999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,7,13,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,13,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47127451028391704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792940835741704,0.13503464440645915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599231423618303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133016839673458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057979921185872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782526000091255,0.0,0.0,0.20980684490521775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746647470937754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388555516790279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163038606311016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659758922171742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730884497989965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014376611572996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustCurious446,2019/01/12,"Is the suicide letter released if the person survives? I recently dated this guy and I've been hung up on something he said to me. I have a lot of trust issues and even my roommates have pointed out that it was very unlikely to be true so I just really need to ask.

He told me that when his mother attempted to commit suicide (they didn't live together at this point), she had written a suicide note. He then claimed the police called and told him that the contents in that note blamed him for what she had done. 

My roommate took issue with this and told me that when she had tried to commit suicide, the letter she wrote was kept confidential. I've tried to commit suicide (I got better) as well but I never wrote a note so I have no experience with this aspect. 

So I'm curious, if a person commits suicide and lives, are the police allowed to share the suicide note? Or does it vary based on state or scenario? I wasn't sure what page to ask this on so I hope I'm in the right place.",2.7659060005911904,4.570556628140704,3.858711203074197,88.24699674844814,75.68341708542714,6.290393142181497,24.771208986107013,7.048011613610866,0.9748365947383979,775,26,157,8,17,251,110,199,0.157,0.7390000000000001,0.104,-0.9491,1,0,1,0,0,10,18.0,0,0,1,3,9,7,0,0,12,0,15,0,0,1,7,28,31,18,7,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,14,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,19,1,21,7,21,11,2,20,0,0,0,0,27,12,0,6,6,106,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832486566858184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668018568149527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007721163922688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576753469996408,0.10029629752629393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473341509045295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587071234696433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783860179167085,0.0,0.0,0.09704341188612584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734414151921587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045899526179984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308586737883105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332296814337843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267175236800373,0.07558987632295956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115375705535102,0.10239758773519957,0.0,0.18529863662638674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278648819719039,0.0,0.09677115908398884,0.0,0.0,0.08369836815743538,0.09322813142977457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545141124051129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7504345551409428,0.0,0.09237145921306923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809527726785284,0.1088905874160749,0.1330821111191323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086693346782768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812103773844017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheyCallMe_Solo,2019/01/12,"I wrote my note today. I hate that I meant every word.

I’m really only posting this so they eventually come across this when they care enough to look.",1.003,3.5776343,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,89.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,14.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,-0.08233333333333315,119,2,24,2,4,39,25,30,0.12,0.777,0.104,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,2,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,14,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35949436122182465,0.0,0.0,0.3037295908487981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643251525686306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970767092391022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34811481581440745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960912104101336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681645796107701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33768878749651715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258815487610086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342190734010345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrozenClorox,2019/01/12,"I should be happy right now I have everything going for me right now. I have a caring family, girlfriend, a car, place to live, good school and amazing job. But it seems like I don't feel anything.

I was in a car crash recently and my car was totalled. Most people would be distraught and upset but I wasn't. It was like another thing that happened that day. Get milk, go to work, crash your car, get coffee, etc. 

Sometimes if I am driving I will think about veering off the road. Or running into a building or hitting a pole. Thinking about if it would kill me or if I would be mutilated beyond recognition. 

I have been getting other suicidal thoughts over the week but no desire to commit to them. I just need help I think.",2.41509054325956,4.718729422535212,3.489657947686116,88.10901408450707,78.71830985915494,6.02897384305835,24.93158953722334,7.1686216300943375,1.159758953722334,566,21,110,7,14,182,91,142,0.161,0.687,0.152,-0.6597,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,1,1,6,9,1,2,7,0,18,1,0,0,2,29,33,12,2,9,10,0,1,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,6,0,0,8,3,3,0,0,6,1,17,6,12,18,3,22,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,8,7,80,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075262281153342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400398234150687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602689830250678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501874959269664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816103728680369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635067872158286,0.0,0.15351167502425475,0.0,0.08233712687594398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552325602826565,0.0,0.18509219131483426,0.1365830136563227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439994514922006,0.17334690292808566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091486570462892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615942211910526,0.0,0.180159055486627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591114351297808,0.0,0.14379127981211906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074428071373165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289320510955828,0.0,0.17013382332241025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607854994091881,0.0,0.0,0.2781300555105974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480343429335567,0.0,0.14824401445290894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610535694558499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781212440689616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818409398154302,0.3130251453138031,0.0,0.12927728885535664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306209492890844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854993467000295,0.0,0.0,0.3470319828933604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chefmelinhell,2019/01/12,I want to opt out I keep ruining everything and I think it's best if i quit now. Do I wake her up to tell her or just leave a note ,-2.8584375000000013,-1.3084249687499965,0.8049999999999997,103.54,95.5625,5.7,14.25,7.1686216300943375,-0.5830250000000001,99,2,30,2,4,36,26,32,0.108,0.7070000000000001,0.185,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124498278476447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353220678737632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493338829001497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161510139248314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180247274368605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34351645762947275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518310933153232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318131456938114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ahairychinesekid,2019/01/12,"I don't enjoy life at all I've had MDD for twenty-five some years now, and I'm just tired of it all. There were times when I was younger where I could conceivably say ""suicide isn't the answer,"" but I've explored those other options and they didn't work. I honestly just just enjoy being alive.",6.7273224043715825,5.2031868688524625,6.654754098360659,83.56715846994537,65.55737704918033,9.444808743169398,30.169398907103826,7.793537801064563,1.7545693989071034,233,6,50,2,3,74,47,61,0.218,0.726,0.056,-0.8306,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,2,13,9,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,5,3,3,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382709606490973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29925502062605913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33692430919338245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634329833895976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470489918809305,0.4869534519231066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30844131025432736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27283357379947426
suicidewatch,Lonelyasthesun,2019/01/12,"My life sucks...like...balls. Let me start this by saying that for my whole life I’ve wanted to die. I’m 22 now but I feel like I’m so old, I’ve lived so long and I’m enough just now the way I am, almost like my time here is over and I just don’t wish continue the fight that once was within me anymore. I’m living in a three bedroom apartment with 7 other people and share a room with 3 other adults, whom I don’t always see eye to eye with...so there problems arise, but it’s better than being homeless. I work constantly trying to make money to get out of this horrible situation I’m in, the economy is tight, trump sucks, and it’s hard doing the 50+ hour a week hustle. And yet with all this all I can think about is the constant need to die. Like I take medications, use prescription Cannabis, talk to a psychiatrist, and all that but honestly they fail to understand me. As a child my father was abusive and my mother wasn’t there, things aren’t the same know as there where but they act like that part of my childhood never existed and I somehow imagined some of the experiences I went through. They’re good people now and yet I still remember the way I felt as a kid scared, lonely, and abandoned. Like I know I’m not crazy but they seem to think I am. My other family has no problem calling me crazy or bipolar or a bitch or whatever slander they think will shatter me at that moment. I even believe them and hate myself for it. Than they act like nothing happened and everything is okay so again I’m left here even more upset because I get this sort of abuse from them, I have no where to go, literally I’m living with family, no friends, and I have to take it everyday. Yeppie me, it’s like I’m walking on eggshells. I cut myself to rid the thoughts of sudden but sweet death but only that shield is temporary. I wish someone just fucking one person understood what I’m going through or just told me it’s okay. I tell myself that I’am worth it in the mirror at night. Will I be okay, only time will tell for this young soul. Yet thoughts of death still loom my mind at night...every night. Any advise? ",2.2034600511630664,4.127291561484917,3.422088167053364,90.21145219822716,77.70069605568445,6.369468736986139,22.420191564043073,7.321109707123232,0.7270899042179786,1657,49,351,21,39,537,216,431,0.193,0.6709999999999999,0.136,-0.9881,2,2,0,0,2,1,52.0,0,0,7,3,27,29,6,2,17,3,24,7,2,2,4,68,66,30,4,6,16,2,4,7,1,3,4,1,2,4,25,18,0,2,14,0,2,6,9,13,0,2,9,9,46,16,44,51,9,50,1,3,3,1,24,15,3,9,34,222,71,3,0.0,0.20676994170912305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737502282886918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260459927448586,0.0,0.0,0.059337576671017786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653524140484274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319089999043633,0.0,0.0,0.09830846786271903,0.0,0.07717149738983672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909888939528986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885870789935759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111744411304367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015953960717847,0.0,0.1152645102086941,0.0,0.07351756842527506,0.0,0.07842073329610287,0.08535383685991565,0.16451578127378702,0.0,0.044119630489650466,0.06233623386682512,0.08378015593359216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741434236250374,0.08066745187439871,0.09117609253449467,0.0,0.09918003453817452,0.07318681525964718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716084871555583,0.0,0.07816490179513448,0.08614796783308097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593031426517238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590804680343612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480470541263764,0.08922593044471451,0.12326403462186215,0.34103389277504176,0.0,0.2311479052154587,0.07721947079518167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058244552795468474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790198761585112,0.0,0.0,0.08810443524445477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469976851214236,0.06729777858102444,0.0,0.0,0.2456536240919089,0.0,0.0837251972055679,0.0,0.09156127248770364,0.09292558239945443,0.05912742655144861,0.13272536834856646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944905483986876,0.0,0.12098567640647782,0.07618922140055757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698583548601714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884487891715893,0.0,0.0,0.06939006340892044,0.08735922072986625,0.0,0.06953232614675015,0.07943526071560852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808023383926302,0.0,0.0,0.07393235427527046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061760771043376524,0.0,0.13936669363284274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121242138602324,0.0701336639336698,0.15253247688022664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796950212405109,0.16773179086054674,0.0,0.13854421283355606,0.10176021583463914,0.0,0.0,0.08337755621604563,0.0,0.059241600084946375,0.0,0.0,0.09083734561949457,0.0,0.07536180924212776,0.0,0.0,0.0514662871323231,0.1385206805480468,0.06999209512769031,0.0,0.0,0.08088787395351107,0.0,0.09741903624274398,0.20068189392729566,0.0,0.0,0.0635239473450812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GatherRoundMyDick,2019/01/12,Insecurity my insecurities are getting the best of me right now. I wanna blow my head off. Rejection takes a toll on me for some reason ,2.4679487179487194,5.20927553846154,5.490000000000002,71.13833333333336,82.07692307692307,8.082051282051282,24.051282051282055,8.841846274778883,2.2867589743589747,108,4,20,3,3,39,24,26,0.273,0.601,0.126,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800369618923231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23898451068738066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469447714331346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470306777027855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39063653448080937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439249856993113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,echozen0,2019/01/12,"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do    My first year of high school, my (then) girlfriend manipulated my mind and got me into bad things. She was fucking everybody she laid her eyes on and she started doing meth and later became a stripper. It was very traumatic for me because I cared about her and now she's nothing but a community whore. So, that fucked me up. I'm almost done with college now, and I still think about it a lot because it is burned into my brain at this point.

   After all of that happened, I feel like I'm a dramatically different person now. I feel like everything I see is just a picture; I'm not connected to any of it and it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm completely disconnected from reality and I don't know what to do. I understand that suicide is not the best option, but I'm tired of being inside of my own head. I just can't live an entire life like this.

I have suicidal thoughts almost every day and I really just need someone that I can hug and care about, but after all of that happened, I feel like it'll never be that easy. I don't have any social media, I have literally 1 friend, I don't talk to anyone, and it's getting to me.

   I need release, but again, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.",3.972898024074496,4.45985437065637,5.6143129684306174,81.94646604587783,70.93050193050193,8.41071996366114,28.362707245060182,8.4952907291091,1.8947736089030207,978,34,206,15,17,335,132,259,0.138,0.742,0.12,-0.7758,1,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,2,14,13,2,0,7,0,24,9,3,1,3,45,53,16,2,2,11,0,3,4,2,1,2,0,0,1,19,13,0,0,10,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,5,5,34,9,26,45,5,21,0,0,2,4,11,7,2,4,18,144,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373275636056164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117240425991852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752327692582636,0.08286015420005265,0.0,0.09751799107225516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894517605285699,0.1444768343631188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436173943538445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228870097259526,0.0,0.0,0.2416437079482695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242482927369138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642472489437234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238105642380186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126986057354155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984401051747074,0.0,0.10650298544574817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975625194050085,0.253976011032448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007987144545019,0.0,0.0,0.09155523573541004,0.219108495721032,0.06191300213641359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477779038834698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958387921993085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161841475304384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520507878635664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537868781974466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370227574732954,0.2315786029543037,0.0,0.10464044796259067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074713602136816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908466510651484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965439482841887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573716068616274,0.09139693077955716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370696351126985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347237518562853,0.0,0.0,0.1120237754651819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591614902413978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199315091482805,0.09443166377512507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079903270061865,0.10040733005668448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387713584256669,0.0,0.09463676453748687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25924641320925473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524833899450187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872822379387127,0.0759320302593916,0.0,0.09407826006479156,0.0,0.13620193246452936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233659530052392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977775051375388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763121399918941
suicidewatch,idkwhyIjustwantto,2019/01/12,"Hi I want to commit suicide but not because I'm depressed or sad or anything like that. I feel like life is too boring I have nothing special to luck forward to, holidays, birthday feel like regular days. I'm also extremely curious about the after life I don't know what to believe idk why where here I feel like dying will answer most of this question. I don't to wait any longer life I getting boring and no one cares. Idk I just feel like this anyone else?",2.367524154589372,4.632457902173915,3.6597101449275367,87.03118357487922,78.67391304347827,5.828019323671497,26.52657004830918,6.937597516519254,1.3376338164251202,365,15,69,4,9,119,63,92,0.211,0.507,0.282,0.8568,0,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,18,16,5,2,1,5,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,0,4,8,8,8,15,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,5,8,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109288330684826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114764240221279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146220251110454,0.1679632505583809,0.13489848926030154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992877454917426,0.0,0.0,0.1846903271630056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713516543489046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571977352103357,0.0,0.1411906456304615,0.0,0.1701310209354341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694051770256468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315469833513521,0.4684397866133169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564543180123235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900903499301141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473608435267415,0.4004338499498011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572930023207851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108161882192097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363648576399025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793102436973305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966887757991251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791920774356987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessHiraeth,2019/01/12,"I am alone. No matter how much I cry and scream, how much I ask for help, explain myself, and exist, nothing happens.
Fifteen years of nothing, and I’m one wrong phrase from doing something I’ll regret.

Nobody helps me, because nobody knows how. I want to be mad, but I can’t. It’s not their fault.
The only advice I ever get is half assed. When I talk about how I’m so heavily traumatized by Christianity, somebody tries to convert me to Catholicism. When I explain my problems, somebody tries telling me to talk to my abusive, neglectful parents. When I talk about my mental issues, I’m told to fucking sleep them off. Other than that everything is silent.

Bad luck and a broken family will always haunt me if I grow up. Years and years of therapy, along with a waiting list of mental illnesses waiting to be discovered. I’m a failure of a student, a sibling, a friend, and a human being. I can’t function. What can something with irreversible damage do besides break itself further trying to work like nothing is wrong?

Nobody cares. I’m slipping out of my friends’ minds, and that is probably for the best. If I was them I’d leave me too, although I’m surprised they haven’t quite yet. Peers at school still see me as this strong kid, the unshakable kid who broke their ankle, walked up a hill and sat through a class out of spite. They didn’t see me get yelled at during the car ride home. They didn’t see how my mom thought it was just a sprain up until I couldn’t feel my foot anymore. They didn’t see my mom getting angry at for me being afraid of going up stairs with crutches. Even now, a few months after it happened, I always slow down at stairs. They don’t see me flinch when they raise their voice or move too quickly. The only people I hinted about my abuse to said what I experienced is nothing compared to them. I hate them. I hate them all.

Why can’t I just die? If whatever beings decided to put me on this earth, it’s a cowardly move to not give me the ability to remove myself from it. I’ll find a way, just you wait.
Soon. Soon, I hope. Please let it be soon.",2.697420681551116,4.69085764009662,3.652044653349005,88.8084077555817,76.46376811594203,6.118187752970361,24.715759237498368,7.001395882987947,0.9777647995821912,1629,56,325,17,37,522,221,414,0.217,0.6809999999999999,0.102,-0.9955,1,1,2,0,1,0,58.0,0,1,14,4,27,25,5,1,19,0,28,5,3,5,2,50,64,26,1,8,10,3,1,1,2,1,1,4,1,3,15,14,0,4,7,0,0,9,12,16,0,2,9,11,56,9,51,46,5,46,2,4,5,2,36,16,2,6,20,217,71,4,0.0,0.20616214789136825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850156407634268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010602466547163,0.0,0.0,0.1447823606225803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628087375203483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133349280020706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264157762361838,0.05303454699295626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913013985015072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870255665019022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556569319223053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029252750737814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057462846881536,0.07869671009957402,0.0,0.0,0.07819021798770172,0.0,0.08201609612373847,0.0,0.04398994220695529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951665550630904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443235999640088,0.0804303324065591,0.136362124866026,0.08345857065350146,0.04944424895446005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386807359745014,0.0,0.0,0.17178947711780346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662887199518887,0.0,0.08726834777248083,0.0864108820941573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080566122119052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781306404022135,0.0,0.0,0.09212070655340987,0.0,0.08896365359509385,0.0,0.042503929280715086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753515855892729,0.0,0.08784545499512199,0.2037872906926497,0.06944277226902032,0.1849350019574357,0.1279103933191731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33391635836141803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895362331863504,0.13233522625308256,0.0,0.0,0.09660348566490236,0.0,0.0,0.060315021385308525,0.0,0.0,0.09550015259690707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380098794739256,0.0832474929060567,0.0,0.08745928434353578,0.0,0.09253547861170401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275716388383372,0.0,0.0,0.08804890120826622,0.3466396901746738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870630839876342,0.0,0.0,0.1339540910996595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947851478404084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097825246243536,0.07604205620238498,0.0,0.0994923719617069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690684832127719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313247048071712,0.0,0.17720238372773794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131500358074275,0.06905675165622825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850419671039628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333722067602772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902422392271826,0.0,0.16807593240981078
suicidewatch,Kamehamehuy,2019/01/12,Paracetamol I took 15 g of paracetamol and for the first time I’ve felt fear in my life,5.422631578947367,4.304579684210527,6.104210526315793,85.13947368421054,67.94736842105263,11.810526315789476,29.52631578947368,11.20814326018867,2.7781157894736848,70,2,17,2,1,23,17,19,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039966730999601,0.0,0.0,0.4300411420928186,0.0,0.0,0.3809719077128661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31635538056154544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611661374313203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976182241380033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zebrastars79,2019/01/12,Thoughts Again Things have been really rough for me lately emotionally. I’ve got several mental disorders and I’ve been working so hard on maintaining positive thoughts and activity and working on getting better mentally and emotionally and I feel lost. I feel lost and scared. I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I feel like I’m stuck. All of these tips tricks and techniques I’m doing don’t make me feel better like everyone claims.. I really just don’t want to be alive a lot anymore..I don’t really think my existence is important or like anything is worth it sometimes.. I dunno if I’m asking for help or anything here I think I just needed someone to know..someone to maybe see and understand how I feel..,3.679739819004524,6.187430073529412,4.888529411764711,78.64742081447966,75.47058823529412,8.596380090497737,29.579185520361985,9.265573868473778,3.0594633484162896,574,26,101,15,13,189,78,136,0.092,0.6940000000000001,0.214,0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,6,6,10,1,1,1,0,10,0,0,2,1,32,36,13,0,3,6,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,11,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,8,9,12,6,8,27,2,4,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,5,6,54,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060653757049174,0.0,0.1170493657398142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146652400565264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349527728114486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816765643079302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196383261942858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798431364729557,0.17889233073125949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082843387130882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013752729168572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215869644439104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392197988792191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880915385907023,0.0,0.14123620144573648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446745021010559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733511431375601,0.10644444274931446,0.0,0.0,0.08357501853770502,0.0,0.12578481293188598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523535036803791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283759756514463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406277487680011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253516104343078,0.0,0.09977182702545384,0.0,0.0,0.14144551898413404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121708411356412,0.0,0.12383051502887345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318034875556697,0.16045205783459174,0.0,0.19879687627642065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034236644797156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384889564274243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182300827189677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSarcasmChasm,2019/01/12,"Finally, for real There is no one to send this to, but still, now that it's finally happening, I want to post my note. I don't want your messages with hotlines or platitudes. I just want to say it. I just want to say goodbye.

WHY
One. That is all I've ever been. In the end, I've given up hope, little by little, of adding on to that number. I think I was cursed at birth, and cursed a thousand times more with each of my sins. 

Good...I am not good enough.

Love...my well has never been replenished. No one loves me, and I have given away what little I had in my search. Love is a dream. I've stopped dreaming.

God, is disappointed in me. Given me up, though I've looked for him.

Abandoned...by everyone I've ever wanted to hold on to.

Empty. I hear wind whistling through the dessicated chambers of my heart.

Tears are all I have left.

Pain...it hurts to cry, it hurts to love. It hurts to stand up all on your own only to fall further each time I'm knocked down.

Tired. I'm tired of living. I'm exhausted from the effort of breathing without purpose.

I can't face life this way anymore. Alone, wandering, unseen, unloved, unwanted, unknown, undesired. 

Trash. Waste. I have always ever been disposable, thrown away by all.

Free will. This life was given to me to do as I wish. 

Wish. My wish is to end my own suffering.

Anonymous. Dying where no one will think to mourn.

Vengeance..is not my goal. No one will feel the loss of my life impact their lives. I don't want to make anyone suffer, I just wish to end my own suffering.

Apology. No. I offer none except to God, that I wasn't good enough, or faithful.",0.276546294958834,2.6718791925465872,1.8422663585150936,95.1920663007367,90.92546583850931,4.9829264769608566,18.97905532283692,6.613842558306772,0.1377390437671524,1228,37,265,16,43,396,162,322,0.218,0.602,0.18,-0.9632,0,1,0,0,0,0,77.0,0,2,1,3,12,21,0,0,6,0,25,12,3,1,8,43,53,7,2,12,10,0,1,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,12,6,0,2,3,2,1,2,14,12,1,6,11,5,34,10,49,39,13,39,2,9,1,3,14,19,0,3,15,170,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378639974050743,0.0,0.0,0.06731399363990755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022952743711978,0.056566079407680325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201351945021832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888631520590345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395982212511198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149560526069875,0.16717945519540453,0.0,0.0,0.21953184712605897,0.0,0.07730193878792226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040904688626510345,0.0,0.0,0.17724060222643742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356135284025495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153823492713678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117843619228763,0.09586505646391463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035041758806268,0.0,0.0,0.25981040175554704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789640602592239,0.0,0.17142290968089907,0.0,0.24324450845215906,0.14286963247537346,0.0,0.0679343258288889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920560497269677,0.0,0.054000345647678506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239387428139021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740944275293982,0.06152691902542739,0.08608165788997182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747835569578153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208015058151504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866739390220067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460560916636607,0.06763472920538731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367292445218264,0.07948231945136845,0.0,0.094345077170554,0.1859617424478118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28629602195840115,0.06421342657753358,0.0,0.0,0.07273742487296357,0.0,0.07299827099580393,0.0,0.3721169145330908,0.07798322194440656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rappuuyyy22,2019/01/12,"I do not want pro life choices just want to talk to people about how I want to die I lived a good life, youngest of 4 dabbled in drugs and got sober in June of last year went to a mental institution in October voluntarily for suicidal ideation have told my whole family how badly I want to die and nothing has come of it. I have not truly attempted before because I’m scared but god damn I want to be fucking dead so badly. “SURVIVING is not LIVING” peace be with you all  ",4.821249999999999,5.1344136250000005,6.0145833333333325,80.43875,69.0,9.316666666666668,29.541666666666664,9.2995712137729,2.344679166666666,372,13,77,7,6,125,67,96,0.325,0.597,0.078,-0.9722,0,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,2,5,6,2,1,2,0,7,4,0,2,1,17,18,6,4,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,1,15,13,2,8,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,3,45,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762632492499198,0.1008478667044253,0.0,0.14077331591172698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250792355021075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433915926416457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918525082169844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595774449817845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294233478805008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875934024717285,0.13231377907410632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134851907807956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23370379022032503,0.0,0.0,0.2921649271882592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671994325006004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873970038309124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469205606202346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562966690076775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095944473158587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297068470635728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808058665915276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878903407749637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336024643190332,0.0,0.18470268379080365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653495497402103
suicidewatch,Sam_Tyagi,2019/01/12,"27 , unemployed, depressed (and suicidal) I have been a law abiding ,honest and hard working person until today. I live in india , was a very intelligent kid(according to my high school teachers) , had to drop out of engineering due to family issues and then took a graduation degree in business administration just for the sake of doing it with a cgpa of 7.6

I didn't got a job which could be called suitable for a management graduate via the campus placement.instead i was hired for tech support for a bpo where i worked from 2016 to 2017. I had no work life balance there and wanted to shift to some other job, that's why i sat for some government (fedral) exams but couldn't clear the phase 2 for most of them.

It's 2019 , i will be having my 28th bday in feb. Meanwhile i have completed a nanodegree from udacity in data analysis..still nobody wants to hire me .. i have been doing a lot of coding in python lately just to keep away myself from suicidal thoughts, but now i am loosing the the motivation to do so... All of my friends are living successful lives and i am still struggling...please help🙏

  
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suicidewatch,FuzzyRuin,2019/01/12,"I need to talk to someone/anyone My boyfriend of three years has ghosted me for a month and theres been no indication of why, our last conversation was fine, the last thing he said was he loves me. I have manic depression and ive been having suicidal thoughts and have been self harming/having panic attacks. please help me",3.488279569892473,5.993350516129035,3.8561290322580684,85.82086021505377,76.09677419354837,6.713978494623658,26.46236559139785,7.793537801064563,1.6087010752688171,260,10,49,4,6,81,47,62,0.227,0.629,0.14400000000000002,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,10,1,0,0,0,5,14,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,7,1,8,2,5,7,0,4,0,1,0,1,9,0,0,0,4,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729180294021162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813396456372478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129992746924452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657600915882657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031652917468487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319805934303796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739263690950776,0.0,0.0,0.18336994308028334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901534665739323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714613246334009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352390935502707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579880122529561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705062483559957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877050968297064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429524477950305,0.0,0.0,0.19632871187648876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231499390187931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925320190688672
suicidewatch,ranzband,2019/01/12,Life’s amazing When the problem resides within yourselfs there’s no escape but the lack of breath ,4.526666666666664,7.697708333333335,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,76.77777777777777,3.6,31.222222222222214,3.1291,1.3320222222222229,82,4,12,0,2,24,16,18,0.303,0.52,0.177,-0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5938915464281443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8045451081705657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justsimplyginger,2019/01/13,"Help I just need someone to talk to, even for just a couple of minutes. I'm having really bad thoughts and need to talk about literally anything else. I feel like I'm falling apart 
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suicidewatch,annalimo,2019/01/13,"Why do I keep going on? Everything is excruciating.

Objectively, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with my life. I’m not doing too badly, I have a roof over my head and food to eat.

Everything is fine, but I still feel like shit.

Why am I selfish? People would kill to have my life, but I can’t find any pleasure in anything. I don’t deserve decency.

I want to die but I keep backing down and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.


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suicidewatch,Veil_void,2019/01/13,"The only relief I get is from knowing I finally get to leave this hell and the memories it’s given me The only escape from my memories is to end my existence. I’ll never get over it. I’ll never forgive those monsters. I cry every day because of them. I’ll never know what it’s like to not have trauma, to it have flashbacks to being a child and very family member betraying their trust, for what they did to a child. The only way I get comforted is from the thought that I can finally be released form this, and finally be at rest. knowing I have an escape let’s me sleep at night.",3.213166666666666,4.421581316666671,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,73.33333333333334,8.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.0824166666666666,458,16,90,9,9,159,68,120,0.121,0.741,0.13699999999999998,0.014,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,0,7,1,0,8,0,12,1,1,0,3,12,21,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,13,5,14,14,2,13,1,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,10,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754869548221624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577803964261138,0.10320176585951528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417331130735676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482650032617588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085569009342775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258929862808908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344221995681571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638338001501577,0.0,0.0,0.169441529355925,0.0,0.1636346277207908,0.0,0.07817928292576545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702594152727429,0.0,0.0,0.1501709914976246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36511470595892864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013882929518228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704059558076533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320359504790953,0.0,0.12701901723039385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastsext,2019/01/13,"I wish that there was a simple way to do it. I have pills, but from the research I've done online, they might not be lethal enough. I've been suicidal since I was 10, which is now over 13 years ago. Been verbally abused, physically abused, and more recently, sexually assaulted last year. Been through every type of therapy under the sun, done groups, tried tons and tons of different medications, been in the psych ward more times than I can count, gone through countless psychiatrists, I meditate, I do yoga... Nothing works. I have borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, PTSD... All extremely treatment resistant. Had to drop out of  university, been living off disability...I've spent years of my life committed to recovery in every possible way and there is still nothing that stops the constant emptiness and wish to be dead. I wish I lived in America so that I could just buy a gun and try my hand at shooting myself. ",7.196960569550935,8.556239451807231,7.213526834611173,70.22375136911282,64.12048192771084,11.81949616648412,35.572836801752466,11.567385478589935,4.620248192771085,743,34,126,24,11,238,114,166,0.234,0.677,0.08900000000000001,-0.987,1,0,0,2,2,1,33.0,0,0,1,1,6,2,1,0,6,0,21,4,1,0,2,17,26,7,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,12,1,14,0,20,10,6,23,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,11,85,19,4,0.0,0.3061593617072739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452711256486738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883687660859583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961821349288736,0.0,0.10315488351562087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127890402567836,0.0,0.0,0.13498544989615036,0.14807324014790865,0.0,0.0,0.264430855139198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349709764288015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771144913332388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531442389079047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912570701750784,0.0,0.0,0.22817015708628294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015439380995034,0.0,0.13705971525302213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479398380963157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281157793129895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456524529815547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102670983052138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756841967512306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687474276047912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031784833259488,0.10801614394816547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132272935021795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775030919152646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533697226397422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754352718640295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510429508901884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44571740004710375,0.0,0.0,0.09405840622451764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495997481169872
suicidewatch,MawileSnap,2019/01/13,"I feel so alone I wish that I was anyone else in the world. I feel stuck and trapped, like i'm never good enough. I'm truly alone in this world, with no one there who cares about me. I try so hard for other people. to make them happy. but the fights i have with my partner shows me that they don't care about me like i  care about them. they have no qualms hurting me, and i'm the manipulative one when i let them know i'm being hurt. but i have no one else in the world who is even remotely there for me. i've always been ugly and alone and scared. it wont change, it hasn't so far so why would it now? i want to go to sleep and never wake up. the fact that I was born was obviously some kind of cosmic joke, and i'd like it to end now please. 

maybe leaving my car running in the garage really is a good idea. pills didn't work so maybe it's time for a new approach. no amount of therapy or meds or outpatient has helped me, what is the point of being this sad and broken down all the time. i hate myself more than anyone else could hate me. ",1.2941383325570612,2.655486862831861,2.6763809967396384,97.06007219375874,78.60176991150442,5.819841639496973,16.761993479273407,6.339386263674448,-0.6350053097345132,805,11,200,6,19,261,122,226,0.27,0.639,0.09,-0.9937,0,4,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,5,1,14,18,3,1,10,0,20,3,2,2,5,29,37,17,0,4,4,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,14,9,0,0,4,2,0,4,10,7,0,3,6,3,27,11,22,25,5,25,0,3,0,0,10,11,0,3,13,128,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410713746808029,0.0,0.0,0.09133891425944783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350996123183894,0.2249483208537908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357589356172694,0.0,0.11612398759612715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764383379799529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751007087410497,0.0,0.0972252147334534,0.11342359217104404,0.0,0.07250322514216309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100782007535544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238583203719188,0.1841427212799749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116854100580009,0.09833395314493323,0.2167538124625831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357770997472785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350259208271928,0.12391897769919676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431041631475115,0.060327699287010476,0.0,0.0,0.1162324648005411,0.0,0.11224908190455606,0.0,0.16088684017445382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327351527349711,0.0,0.22056101387235455,0.0,0.12193170085706932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693255272830517,0.1060182687669943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22315259631475207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610193041720932,0.0,0.0,0.12049645015185165,0.10376981309487701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032261287753433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109900701219371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985105546440978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553359667575614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280176148897122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452783273817927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474623969563492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990519571790902,0.0,0.1262321291351736,0.0,0.0,0.07991516292292265,0.0,0.0,0.07797872272019396,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IPUTYOUON1,2019/01/13,"WHY Over the years I’ve been losing friends so close to me and just wonder why. Thoughts of Suicide Play in my head but I could never I have a family to support being the oldest brother I gotta take care the family. I know just being here is a blessing but gahhhdamn you ever just try and try and shit don’t work out its fucking bullshit. Lost my first white friend from suicide and since 3 other homeboys from shootings and another 2 from wrecks. I was close to each individual so the pain here . I’m just the fucking guy with the smile all the time like the goofy friend “the I woulda never thought.” Weed Helps A Lot it gives me inspiration to keep fighting seeing the positive in shit. Hell typing this makes me feel better I was just searching suicide to see people pov knowing I’m not alone in this and realize I can write this without getting identified so shiddd on a real nigga note, do you know being good looking pulling hoes having little money doesn’t mean shit. My niggas gone forever but with this life you can’t complain cause ain’t no coming back. With Death able to call my Name whenever it hit me fuck I look killing myself that shit would be too easy. You know what’s hard making sure your family is straight after you died at least financially so I can’t leave this earth without a fight. I don’t like being label I think it’s bullshit people on Twitter are quick to say depression and so on but ion feel like that. I’ve traveled to a couple states and coming from a little city ,I noticed the world a big ass tv our lives are tv shows each day is a episode. This was actually supposed to be a give up but I got my fight back for rn .... sidenote watching Lucifer on Netflix gives you a different aspect gotta have faith pimp ",2.8725954610950986,5.040924475504326,3.805633105187322,87.09199432636889,76.57925072046109,6.181880403458212,24.676603025936604,7.1686216300943375,1.0800346541786745,1391,48,270,16,32,446,200,347,0.25,0.581,0.168,-0.9931,1,1,0,1,5,4,19.0,1,7,0,5,17,32,12,0,22,0,28,11,6,3,5,59,66,18,6,2,13,1,3,3,3,3,2,1,0,1,14,18,0,1,13,6,1,5,12,17,0,1,9,10,32,15,32,46,5,36,3,3,6,4,25,18,9,2,15,168,46,2,0.08536714294683542,0.0,0.08330601715769588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841461470965839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951489267806861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312841270537133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550030064918832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716939756748959,0.0,0.08703749165613206,0.08769557126817923,0.0,0.14707246945055988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815871725540536,0.09445711996166432,0.0,0.055054744953178136,0.0,0.07352659513040942,0.0,0.08859761664510768,0.08919049490926104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721946815658133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414296346673488,0.0,0.08632838493913678,0.060986303978380924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261324818075303,0.0,0.0,0.1978633286351131,0.23676164419960286,0.04460080879083179,0.2456758267588648,0.0,0.0716019092871415,0.06827590265150507,0.0,0.0,0.08452689292046202,0.0,0.0,0.07647219226465522,0.0,0.08761131708478957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721979645512041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587823903443443,0.09444609547618812,0.0,0.18766219687968594,0.0,0.0,0.09039147833832148,0.0,0.0,0.06029733766969895,0.12511822194862746,0.17112060797173662,0.07538075122061652,0.0,0.14337379962198696,0.09550399688802076,0.09318832081889876,0.07257609217547872,0.0,0.0,0.1139664616074828,0.0,0.0,0.09298984490461548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168080671605592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719105805458593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908366589265313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183656563872437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971664979195426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788737845755076,0.0,0.0,0.13605312081474338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505125819044759,0.07061658280533645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801333962076077,0.09687362216965603,0.08045752194875384,0.0,0.0641854674239962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469981822617776,0.0,0.1355439517947748,0.049778267556678066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591737282893473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406113699965854,0.0,0.0,0.1645817589342985,0.0925770250073292,0.062148296783061635,0.0,0.0,0.0606423690464454,0.0,0.0,0.05497364118603884
suicidewatch,sn4ckb1tch,2019/01/13,"Not yet, but maybe soon It'll probably be an impulsive decision, when I actually do it. But I'll be ready. I'm getting ready. I shut down most of my social media. I'm returning things I borrowed. Cleaning out my stuff, getting rid of things.

Sometimes I don't think I'll actually do it. But you never know, and if I decide to, then I want to be ready.

My husband has a gun. It's in a safe, but I have the combination. He knows I've struggled with suicidal thoughts forever, had a couple of attempts in the past, etc. Still doesn't see a problem with having a gun accessible. I mean so little to him.

The only thing stopping me is that I have kids. A boy and a girl, 13 and 4. I can't do that to them. 

At the same time I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. 

I am so completely alone and I don't see a way out. It's so dark. There's no one here. The darkness might be bearable if I wasn't alone in it.

No one knows. No one cares. No one ever will.

I probably won't go through with it. But if I do, at least I'll be ready.",-0.8969130363844044,1.065214400881061,2.0360254527655437,95.43980747267092,90.01321585903084,5.4775004078968825,19.86115190079948,6.937597516519254,0.2445511176374615,787,26,194,12,27,276,121,227,0.166,0.711,0.123,-0.8696,1,3,0,2,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,1,11,5,0,1,14,0,27,0,0,1,2,37,44,18,1,5,9,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,14,9,0,2,9,0,1,2,13,2,0,4,3,2,24,3,20,32,5,25,0,0,2,0,9,11,0,5,12,137,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.2592667539155429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27516583959444396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354399640059605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392809640190771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469857263150251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815251393505435,0.0,0.12016203349479168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880758331438878,0.0,0.1509928811883791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29202313516894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648992641169785,0.13314129660317034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345635489225702,0.1447024840348055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092300773336236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765321159488756,0.0,0.10245495005968462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36006523021813075,0.10103135105294456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681149529370658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28644952098550674,0.12711062531429967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117137044671392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541438161037622,0.0,0.0,0.1313828655064528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608676792314198,0.11106078734246942,0.0,0.13887395986633086,0.15207083871429353,0.1453061831067937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26476040830770137,0.08511896736357916,0.0,0.1054606905771081,0.07746049016200658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835289647118224,0.10544277765941992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cryingsilently,2019/01/13,"Home Alone and Done with everything I hurt too much to explain all the shit. Can someone just give me a painless way to go? My family won't return until tomorrow, and I want to look gently dead, not scarring them too much.",4.636287878787879,5.567652477272726,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,69.68181818181819,8.593939393939394,28.303030303030305,8.841846274778883,2.1384030303030306,175,6,34,3,3,57,38,44,0.182,0.62,0.197,-0.0516,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,8,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,6,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891700043761573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857215070037585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25092956615963763,0.0,0.2632076485791846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26783686585552835,0.15867744404016415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800632765784243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988924823332659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446011951905985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104925184878889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865977677334808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23656771371170254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468110612022238,0.22161826862046494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuerza-a,2019/01/13,"Working Full Time with Depression/Anxiety I dont know what I can do to make my life tolerable. My job sucks so much out of me mentally. I have to be ‘on’ at all times and my anxiety makes my memory worse, and i often feel burnt out and like my brain is short circuiting- which leads to errors/mistakes which makes my anxiety and depression worse. its an endless cycle.  i am crying myself to sleep every sunday wishing i was dead in the anticipation of it all. All i want to do is kill myself so i dont have to do this anymore.",3.4372196261682246,4.682188738317759,5.3963434579439244,80.19582359813086,72.83177570093456,9.088317757009348,26.45911214953271,9.516144504307137,2.299617757009345,413,14,84,10,8,143,68,107,0.238,0.701,0.061,-0.9712,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,2,0,13,3,2,4,3,19,21,6,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,17,1,14,19,5,11,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,1,4,64,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968973923782645,0.0,0.17151066320891534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930589703789113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899671932683996,0.0,0.0,0.1489535362035839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053703287589222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570996409585454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744399348712936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161691889830286,0.0,0.1913332159179665,0.0,0.0950436634097636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215310193044175,0.08449007042824902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463176984110813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428350821749655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713128318874506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306555469809998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016861780558298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200488142939668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887322299401072,0.0,0.0,0.12590285948163285,0.0,0.3524826125553868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HornThrowaway1,2019/01/13,"I'm tapping out, I wish y'all the best of luck Gonna go drive to the docks and hang myself. Can't take it anymore. Things have the been the same for years and haven't gotten better. My love life has consisted of getting played and played over and over again and that's partially my fault for being too weak or stupid to notice the signs. I'm still the loner with social anxiety that I was 7 years ago. Not much has changed. I tried I really did. Peace out guys, best of luck. ",1.8633333333333333,3.7222137171717233,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,78.49494949494951,6.016161616161617,18.070707070707073,6.937597516519254,-0.14448686868686875,374,7,85,4,9,117,69,99,0.131,0.614,0.255,0.9475,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,3,3,11,1,0,6,0,9,3,0,0,0,15,18,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,4,0,8,8,12,12,4,12,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,3,5,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859354894500966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138619539738842,0.0,0.2221825635688046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47022191348644,0.19814079034345528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369993704937388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704906374922815,0.0,0.12732427835638416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182991623248605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582425770328212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220037406107616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469153509283824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550653824112861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352258588824385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22837551389070565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891467548226148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684464715319174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488389282982707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210508878357035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576292440556721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885424460300175
suicidewatch,dankfremont,2019/01/13,"Suicide Apartment Voucher I want to connect with other people who are planning to commit suicide (=

My life is ruined beyond no repair, I’m alone, and I have no hope.  Death is calling me.  I want to leave this world with someone.

Peace out",1.2076708074534146,3.855302065217391,2.3641614906832302,89.8171739130435,93.56521739130434,2.6285714285714294,23.962732919254645,3.1291,0.20461242236024813,189,8,32,0,7,60,36,46,0.358,0.424,0.218,-0.8807,0,1,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,8,8,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29776749769928235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935737883930385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855564012583139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044252854183462,0.0,0.0,0.20307261887410089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993191138801198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436012556016754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6289655519408061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33915468510337504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nuclearwaifu,2019/01/13,"Back to this old shit again So I‘ve been doing great until last week. That week was a nightmare and going to school was harder than ever. I have a 1:30 hour ride to school btw so that also doesn‘t help. It‘s just been a horrible week and i can‘t get shit done. Nothing.

Now I‘m sitting in my bed feeling sick because of my depression. It‘s almost 4 am and i don‘t wanna not sleep and go through another long stressful day again with close to no sleep. I can‘t take it. It‘s just too much. But i‘m worried that my mom will be mad again because of the public transport money and the missed school and that i didn‘t sleep allthough my thougughts are uncontrollable at this point and keep me from sleep like nothing else.

I feel like i‘m slipping into depression again and it sucks because i want to function but my brain just keeps fucking me over with thoughts and catastrophic thinking. How am i supposed to function in society if i get sick so often and when i‘m su fucking unstable? I can‘t even finish my passion projects let alone a job. Why can‘t i be normal?

I wanna make my own money and be sucessfull yet i‘m here feeling like it‘s all too much and society can‘t need a failure like me so why not give up for good? I‘ve tries so many times. This world is no place for me. And eventually i‘ll have to die. It‘s just a matter of time until i accept that there is no other way out. ",2.8988632478632503,5.239667359259261,3.188148148148148,90.70128205128206,77.25925925925927,5.635327635327637,24.45868945868946,6.67199483983844,0.7873817663817664,1097,38,216,10,26,337,152,270,0.188,0.71,0.102,-0.9781,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,26,19,6,2,8,0,26,12,7,2,2,47,51,26,1,6,9,1,3,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,16,18,0,2,6,0,2,4,13,11,0,0,7,3,24,8,28,39,4,39,0,3,0,3,4,11,5,3,26,153,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020842600390616,0.10364521176217843,0.0,0.0800281598749474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493502729106607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694978479620311,0.0,0.18301029950672676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171430997028498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453865933729544,0.0,0.17238506433508807,0.0,0.10385973822270553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240919061539776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359796022189107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609712231347234,0.09052155184449813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179940161735944,0.14298401709239994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503133093107452,0.10456778637944372,0.09599892194628776,0.11374732538324127,0.08393629350772233,0.0,0.11033058477891076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670766698475682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098551522617615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930678505288723,0.1778985562215212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815726659818529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233118984255801,0.0,0.19556200675280627,0.0,0.0,0.08856125440327857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679935260637054,0.10145808409730818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172040214663583,0.0,0.0,0.1471300043628425,0.07420269266329399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805006941947154,0.19204504805152414,0.0,0.1050095405053903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455474767831598,0.0,0.09460111622799484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038369646770649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054465254194494,0.0,0.0,0.40058017474716173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146330225904647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524227058004443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412259174597229,0.0,0.07944660299083611,0.11670647661608087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794284346102507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059025513914843515,0.0794331086693767,0.24081702499346705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806002234029674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162875794646996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hecubus23,2019/01/13,I hate waking up I just hate waking up and not having a reason to exist other then to live for other people. I just wish my mother aborted me like the doctor suggested. Atleast then I wouldn't have to live in this fucked up world with my fucked up brain and having to see all these fucked up people. I just hate everything. ,3.620153846153848,5.0808184000000045,4.366153846153846,86.91384615384617,72.69230769230771,6.430769230769231,19.15384615384616,6.742157984588678,0.17675384615384626,256,4,50,2,5,82,40,65,0.327,0.609,0.063,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,2,0,4,7,3,1,1,11,12,4,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,8,1,12,11,1,9,0,0,1,3,2,7,3,0,3,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114925982301317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939135348932604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026845789235884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254397168500784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611378911026391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092557338747048,0.0,0.33458156375967074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26268620150506344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478960056843864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096979394432716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786200644732195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProphecyofCasandra,2019/01/13,"A pocket dimension of hell It started with friends growing up, they always betrayed my trust. Became bullies who mocked me in school. This must have happened a 1000 times.

Girlfriends I loved left me as soon as I ever showed any signs of depression. My last one told me a month ago, after two weeks seeing each other, that I’m “basically dead.” 

And four years ago, when I was forced out of going to Uni for a lucrative career, had to move back in with my mother, it was my family that turned their backs on me.

I was homeless and nobody cared. They didn’t call, they just told me “to get help” without offering any, while they all went on with their lives together... Months later and I eventually broke down and tried to talk to them, and they told me I had to “figure it out” because they couldn’t help me, they would only smugly talk about their trips and their happy lives, and ***if*** they asked about me and I responded honestly, it was like sucking the air out of the room. Each one of them said “I can’t listen to this. You have no boundaries.” Their cult of positivity wouldn’t permit me to discuss suffering. 

I worked many pathetic jobs and tolerated endless abuse (Ever peeled shrimp for 8 hours in a 100 degree kitchen for months on end and gone to bed without a shower in a van? Served monstrous bougies/their vile brats and been laughed at and called trash? Been stabbed in the back by “friends” and coworkers right after getting the job?)

I tried desperately to cling onto the hope I could regain my life and respectability (money, exciting endeavors, relationships) if I worked endlessly, but being completely isolated took its toll. Trying to make friends and be around other people with successful lives (of inheritances, better decisions, and good connections) left me certain of how inferior I am by my being disconnected. They mocked me in in front of my face using generalities (making broad statements about *certain types of people* like the mentally ill/incels/people who “fail to grow”). These people were connected to my family, who didn’t even believe me about what was said, instead blaming me for “not being willing to make connections.”

Now I’m at a subhuman level of intelligence for my age, have a panic disorder, agoraphobia, and my family treats me like I’m just mental. I’m already dead to them. 

I’ve started just sleeping all the time. To not feel the pain and confusion. This scares me, but I feel powerless to poverty, the merciless passage of time, and I haven’t got any dreams possible enough left to keep me going. 

I have no one to talk to anymore, and I can see why. I don’t know what to do with myself except find a way to end this nightmare.",4.789604208416833,6.7726496412825705,5.2371738476953915,79.733997244489,70.62324649298597,8.436893787575151,27.90586172344689,9.052201404669685,2.3829041683366734,2117,77,381,43,40,675,261,499,0.15,0.7240000000000001,0.126,-0.9526,5,0,0,0,1,0,73.0,0,1,17,5,19,36,5,3,19,0,32,6,2,6,7,72,69,29,2,8,12,1,2,3,4,4,2,3,4,0,19,31,1,1,7,2,2,10,13,15,0,5,21,7,63,21,76,38,5,67,1,5,2,1,45,27,2,4,32,262,82,9,0.0,0.09097095288711488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361204897127707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472790165062,0.0,0.0638865545484234,0.0,0.0,0.15663773507375006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614446571725979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834988328031888,0.07177831059046626,0.0,0.0,0.17711570006646782,0.0,0.04680396789839328,0.0,0.0,0.08650401431098599,0.0,0.06790507938678009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680056399833184,0.0,0.07828164563208789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050166838612825,0.0,0.0,0.06130204868500951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612992579419305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799576585358299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600739695476427,0.07933357394341925,0.0,0.05071202439328654,0.13890260224901407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714216191778676,0.0,0.07764387402724354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017491810006747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795856338546054,0.0,0.08022806361337559,0.0,0.08727092704806437,0.06439886056851933,0.061407445399415936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789570935902546,0.08173302618538078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292713505431904,0.0,0.0,0.07625920048197894,0.0756121755993808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238327871936416,0.06824499771601555,0.0,0.0,0.04219591268988418,0.06258540284822607,0.0,0.0,0.2502629052834715,0.0,0.05423151253790948,0.11253150942579268,0.0,0.20339266937446746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929634442687853,0.0,0.15375240011649688,0.07784219124151026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547510151061103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385358987716074,0.08160427858519012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560829864540466,0.0583941414847808,0.08169862215909315,0.09008400259187636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291648442543054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655716006323856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243226826691702,0.0,0.06556912966428882,0.14606945326771484,0.0,0.07686950518612146,0.07770478262382115,0.12236637325024548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683478070687684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086896121635072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513695515238776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431193708268802,0.0,0.0,0.22009782492591376,0.08530466247651591,0.15638437866949909,0.08351386503183562,0.07500225049200156,0.0,0.0,0.06631269072656372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094385963388538,0.06158774854508405,0.0,0.0,0.0711752096048405,0.06928140450055204,0.0,0.0,0.1480250715553884,0.0,0.11179253567256724,0.0,0.0,0.05454183425619988,0.0,0.0,0.049443372235875485
suicidewatch,arcrisegenesis,2019/01/13,"Suicidal thoughts. Should I go to the ER? I have been diagnosed with moderate to severe Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist regularly and am on Celexa 20mg and Buspar 7.5 mg. And for some reason, today was the worst it's been for me. I've been dealing with my depression lately with hookups from different apps but I just feel so empty right now. I'm 25, unemployed except through private tutoring, and can barely help my parents make ends meet. I've been stuck in this situation for so long. Job hunting gets so bad for me because I just break down in places where I have to deal with so many people at the same time. I feel pointless. ",4.337727272727275,6.411145803030308,5.449090909090909,77.36863636363638,72.03030303030303,9.648484848484847,30.93939393939393,10.018931242160765,3.4560212121212133,554,25,100,16,11,183,92,132,0.205,0.773,0.023,-0.9681,6,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,2,0,23,19,11,1,1,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,7,3,11,0,19,11,4,16,0,2,1,0,5,8,0,1,6,65,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786507243166712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955866214595392,0.10188972580142903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34463724652907785,0.2879225975484221,0.1696481324534253,0.0,0.17463041043418953,0.38312411776592603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480404013263453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902654603923273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732609402788541,0.0,0.09499206185539076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203342407825252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586510912007255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885462577611205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479176082237216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157024067696092,0.16945827196954713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559416878146354,0.0,0.0,0.11587693944991405,0.0,0.17463041043418953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185236697791928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427404757014646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319251313103775,0.0,0.0,0.1888256906412507,0.0,0.0,0.18787740260494465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282893637125455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406762807741065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269404972959598,0.0974632925063294,0.0,0.1584334267269117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pseudynonymous,2019/01/13,"suicide texting hotline... so I texted a crisis hotline just to see what it was like and the person I talked to was super condescending and obviously reading from a sh*tty script ... in the end, the “counselor” said that the hotline couldn’t help me and now I’m more suicidal than ever... I see no reason in living and I haven’t for years... I think it’s time to end it at this point.",2.3427819548872217,4.374524105263158,3.860075187969926,86.72552631578951,77.6842105263158,5.9218045112781965,24.01503759398497,6.868970318607317,0.8721563909774437,296,10,59,3,7,98,53,76,0.189,0.703,0.108,-0.8304,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,9,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,6,2,9,5,1,10,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,7,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044814852572342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065458648637418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305094205240047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155499159093994,0.0,0.20162768310408025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993769682772474,0.0,0.0,0.21585433490968325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840097612544305,0.0,0.0,0.2347707112971392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720285341571574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639135334254083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995320133483393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183530387005216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463105293668412,0.0,0.0,0.13314641462000962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704294829453146
suicidewatch,Juliaa_Elizzabeth,2019/01/13,I’m ready to end it all I’m tired of being a failure. I fail at everything. Even when I try so hard. I can’t please my parents if my life depended on it. I honestly think they believe I’m a waste of space. I’m flunking out of school. My job sucks. I’m so tired of everything. I just want the pain and stress of my everyday life to end. I just need silence. I’m sure everyone would be better off without me ruining everything. ,-0.1616583416583417,2.009861945054946,2.5484515484515486,91.5260939060939,88.8901098901099,6.825574425574428,23.657342657342657,8.00094639256281,1.509628571428571,331,14,75,8,11,115,58,91,0.274,0.569,0.157,-0.9195,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,6,9,1,1,3,0,4,5,0,1,2,13,14,5,0,4,4,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,12,3,12,11,1,9,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,2,4,42,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965042253641865,0.0,0.15425451789117914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30895708592567783,0.0,0.0,0.11519843500241965,0.0,0.0,0.16665952031591152,0.4702546723755628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624018776662668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730784309936972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463867474006155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932535893525093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558820175649451,0.0,0.1936654894129736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914535864249176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651571708212935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979001112015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438260711823288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175709257662267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40092519384915704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841527985446255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287356832201404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681283363099125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389830663725925,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neutrinosandgluons,2019/01/13,"I’m very suicidal, but even if I got to the psych ward, nothing will change. I’ve done it twice before, and it did nothing for me. And let me emphasize: I went to one of the best psych wards in the country. You get your own room there and it was built like 10 years ago. The doctors are pretty good too, but they just can’t seem to fix me. So I’m fucked. I’m 20, and my only options are TMS, ECT (which I would rather die than do), and psychedelic drugs (which have almost no research behind them). So yeah, I guess it’s the rope and tree for me!",0.2943678160919525,2.224805103448276,1.8110344827586216,99.29574712643681,84.17241379310346,4.901149425287357,17.42528735632184,5.985473137389443,-0.6273540229885057,416,9,102,3,12,134,83,116,0.127,0.7190000000000001,0.154,0.5584,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,2,1,7,4,1,0,5,1,11,3,0,0,0,16,20,11,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,5,0,13,3,9,12,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,5,3,65,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766192427067745,0.0,0.20069358500089574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054427770808073,0.0,0.2103304221814708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120197984100475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800629280772084,0.0,0.0,0.2051403103546673,0.0,0.20510119179841332,0.0,0.0,0.2324257777721606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237677672750173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528681979595688,0.1047121722243215,0.0,0.0,0.16810438330900004,0.1602957047425793,0.0,0.2207873219529752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494497484782034,0.0,0.09791601811922526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846204427323036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581106845292426,0.1524298886113548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390112835654445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245657319850134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922903212392655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653690598796656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579311205017526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142373969527377,0.0,0.0,0.1290651344612802
suicidewatch,finny_blue,2019/01/13,"there's no reasons to live, life's pointless and I hate my parents for having me I don't understand why anybody would want to be alive. life's just constant pain and suffering. I have no real aspirations (or at least any that are even vaguely achievable), nothing's fun anymore, and I havent felt happiness in a really long fucking time.
there's four people in my family rn that are pregnant. I don't get why anybody would want to bring a child into this disgusting world just for them to have to suffer their whole life. all anybody is talking about are those fucking babies and it makes me feel sick everytime they're brought up. 
next time I get the chance I'm going to try and kill myself again, idk what I'll do if it doesn't work, but I'm going to do it eventually. it's the only thing I want in life that's attainable.",4.086297405189619,5.240481017964076,4.958458083832337,84.30000249500999,71.1556886227545,7.961876247504987,28.28792415169661,8.344100000000001,1.8898307385229536,658,24,132,10,12,214,104,167,0.14400000000000002,0.7979999999999999,0.058,-0.9093,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,3,7,10,5,0,4,0,16,8,0,2,1,23,34,8,1,6,5,1,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,8,0,1,2,2,14,2,16,29,3,17,0,2,0,2,5,7,2,2,6,81,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955839693509624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519146881280845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582085781103633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669715636947822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380147991630328,0.0,0.07402526242807977,0.0,0.14056890233258926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706926249442469,0.15297803046233818,0.0,0.16640728861128198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584767731427224,0.0,0.14454168939573353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197214874021745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136323178394572,0.0,0.0,0.12927566975951188,0.12956118459586066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772448812104406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570021385003954,0.0,0.0,0.14047669090154238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134533668829036,0.15578207607769226,0.0,0.16256212259085373,0.0,0.0,0.10149672998881017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663755525561275,0.09378888567227044,0.15052566431162095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767240160704688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972629997108574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073639552951927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939736449008167,0.0,0.0,0.15240967055085913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590551214201231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642101112955701,0.16345263193107193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658241740692352,0.0,0.0,0.20799959531681095,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madhabberdasher,2019/01/13,"A Calm Decision I finally reached the point where I know this is what is best for me. It was not in the middle of a crisis, it was not during a dramatic moment, it was just a sudden, peaceful realization. I’ve taken the steps to make sure things are as easy as possible for my family. I even let my coworkers know where they can find all my passwords, so they aren’t forced to jump through hoops to access the information I need. It’s strange to feel this way. I’m not doing this out of desperation, fear, or a desire to escape trauma. I just know this is what I need to do to finally have peace. I hope anyone reading this finds peace as well. ",3.968693808312132,4.788198931297714,5.309567430025447,82.92065309584396,71.13740458015265,8.87565733672604,26.005937234944874,9.150863307647796,1.8749484308736208,504,15,106,10,9,169,81,131,0.123,0.6559999999999999,0.221,0.9107,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,7,7,0,1,9,0,13,0,0,1,2,22,23,5,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,2,1,0,4,1,13,5,17,18,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,4,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373748291775556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618079794918806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976510564919247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521232337082502,0.22108085657139448,0.0993400050254322,0.0,0.0,0.4304416659090216,0.3591359552344832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513682061915455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239206362007389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009016004985817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114375853086904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29135671617414044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857255416300496,0.2214878848691192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652093166198886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851685431242112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052445291163314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155946966792902,0.0,0.0,0.17664811529048516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ObsceneNotHeard1964,2019/01/13,"Enough I don’t know why I’m posting here. Maybe because, I’m all honesty, I want someone I know too find me and talk. But that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense because at the same time, I’m tired of talking. I hate explaining this to people so often that I can now see their eyes start to glaze over. Clearly, I’m not getting better. Hell, it’s been over 12 years since this whole battle started, and I’m completely sick of fighting. Maybe that makes me a coward, but fuck it; my white flag is raised. I have plenty of pills ready, and I’ll have several hours to myself at home in about 3 days. Here’s hoping 60 will be enough to do the trick, but I have a backup plan if that fails, so whatever. There’s so much other stuff Id like to say.. but quite honestly I don’t think I’m worth the character count. ",3.052627450980392,3.8315434588235284,3.956176470588237,91.93112745098044,73.23529411764707,7.0784313725490176,23.57843137254902,7.1686216300943375,0.6274313725490201,628,16,144,6,12,202,110,170,0.13699999999999998,0.722,0.141,0.4,0,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,10,11,6,0,6,0,12,5,1,2,2,23,32,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,10,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,4,13,4,15,29,8,13,1,1,3,1,6,5,2,4,8,82,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486880132921008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410754679658082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898488533977462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779109118370817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31335596913324193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859031162377491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018276751270567,0.07922226799961928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970673134984105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210080750592522,0.1506063226736737,0.14932849602940534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666765982118112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740804900148475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891341615923232,0.0,0.0,0.20243313538951502,0.0,0.30467255062226045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146810160179148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051236065722272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522301922520575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128093838194296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058507986207675,0.0,0.0,0.12083230205441713,0.0,0.0,0.17130274330622774,0.0,0.12543283406492092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847860928065896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146540049897573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358412922245306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437545968685316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716065193722458,0.0,0.0,0.08841873857997266,0.17428045197996972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943739260595535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368256878586236,0.33858687219206834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764703046933368
suicidewatch,life_sucksrn,2019/01/13,"i found a way to cope but the world hates me for it I'm almost 15 about 8-9 months ago i started to want to die, i never had the guts to go through with any plan i made, i could never sleep at night and often cried myself to sleep, i hated school, often bullied and got into fights, over summer i moved schools, and started vaping cannabis with my pax every night, suddly my life became better, instead of having the exit be suicide it was weed, i knew at the time it probably wasnt the best for me health wise, but my suicidal thoughts went away so i think it was worth it. Recently my parents found all of my weed, i panicked as ive used it every night for the past half year, i did'nt know how i would get through the day, i panicked and tried to choke myself with a belt as they were taking it. The cops were called and i went to a mental hospital, i was repeatedly told that weed is not the answer, i'm taking anti depressants right now and a sleeping pill for my insomnia (prozac and ambien). I lied in the hospital about why i put the belt around my neck saying that i just wanted to make my parents cry. I'm back home now, pills make me crazy and don't help, if i tell anyone i want to kill myself they will send me back to the mental hospital, i cannot use weed because of my parents stance on it, i tried getting a medical card but doctor says parents have to sign waiver. so i smoked weed again last night againt my parents rules and they found out and i got a text saying ""loving family or weed your choice"". I don't know what to do",5.744045731145125,4.833166830721004,6.228548773741473,83.82894892126133,67.21316614420063,9.135976396828324,28.16909459708648,8.124751697461798,1.6055622718052738,1205,30,260,13,17,392,173,319,0.235,0.713,0.052000000000000005,-0.9973,5,0,1,0,1,3,30.0,0,1,3,3,15,9,4,0,18,0,19,14,5,6,3,50,53,20,4,6,7,5,0,0,0,2,8,3,1,0,11,16,0,0,9,0,1,6,7,5,0,1,18,3,47,4,37,31,2,42,0,1,0,1,19,12,0,5,23,164,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713124150454522,0.0,0.0805571834780907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054707488436307385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625120439873394,0.0,0.0,0.07161589346437712,0.0,0.0,0.0755836681939471,0.12371929546494813,0.0,0.049040434567744616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442535126681501,0.07114983519590036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214653740083454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642312872688964,0.0,0.17673699087265451,0.05188238982480215,0.0,0.06928985820006216,0.0,0.08349245988223407,0.0,0.0,0.08234207196966284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556204179991785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583933913854761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646216731150485,0.0,0.0,0.08406165717978928,0.0,0.0457205273371057,0.0,0.12868344045615787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885175022125886,0.0,0.08551260237973496,0.0,0.0,0.0539226870981811,0.0,0.08069603572441053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900393866311443,0.0,0.0884243788811575,0.06557596483993253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568228947575291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260758002457504,0.07612196764216049,0.10739950558487582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104302940587421,0.16214559088405375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421293143342928,0.08550363279226163,0.0,0.0,0.12409311771941015,0.0,0.0,0.3019804886618983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466406508944919,0.0,0.07679684487908675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673669282844743,0.0,0.0,0.08087259257179256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943282500388026,0.0,0.0,0.06870226515722194,0.0,0.19192675052698802,0.0,0.16283560898669602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151869200251835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388320377172535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599439827090207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209739667238863,0.0,0.07031521325307259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051547914625159764,0.0,0.0638668306554814,0.046909952709349285,0.0,0.0,0.07687163764415736,0.0,0.10923800173250182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389627126335488,0.0,0.0,0.14235117775848394,0.06385598262031042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915244865773494,0.07259192621332014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714804479510301,0.0,0.0,0.051805959405107
suicidewatch,Johninja321,2019/01/13,"I took a break from social media for about a week now, cut off contact with everyone to see if they'd care they don't.",8.417307692307691,4.092998423076924,8.619230769230771,79.57576923076925,64.76923076923077,11.93846153846154,33.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,2.4472,93,2,22,1,1,31,24,26,0.086,0.782,0.132,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,6,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345655463714567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072769581843204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396467295725157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344834640422405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735524778230331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34189257750237845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CircusSands,2019/01/13,"Have you ever told yourself ""if I still feel this way by [X age] I'll off myself""? Lately, I've been telling myself that if my depression/anxiety doesn't go away by the time I'm 30, I'll kill myself then. I'm 21 (M) now, so I feel like I'm giving myself a pretty decent amount of time to potentially live a good life. And if it doesn't work out, hey, I can't say I didn't try for awhile there. ",2.0136742424242406,2.2936445340909124,4.209545454545456,91.00515151515154,75.25,7.2303030303030305,20.348484848484848,7.1686216300943375,0.18692575757575725,301,5,75,3,6,105,63,88,0.057,0.805,0.138,0.6786,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,8,14,6,1,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,3,10,2,8,11,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,9,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695775151694827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961253634008336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210648298841837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471419473137108,0.17459233061419166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23444124539067984,0.13889252130157476,0.2049828142282488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703814274831861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27568266875062564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261994951055756,0.119396654370454,0.0,0.21580092874166346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486325834705475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434881032293894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517024322752305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136077124082314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850116560511051,0.0,0.0,0.23352520609080876,0.0,0.16592483033610436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398547967154545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791889770699404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sally_A552,2019/01/13,"How do I kill myself? Hi am 16 and I can't stand myself anymore. Am actually so exhausting and I can't do anything right. I just wish I could stop over thinking everyday and stop feeling sad all the time. Am doing shit in  a levels and I can just feel my life getting worst. The worst thing i know am the reason for all this pain I feel. It's my stupid thoughts. Am scared if I don't kill myself now I'll just end up being homeless or something when am older.  

Am to scared to kill myself because am scared I'll come out mentally disabled or something. I just want to make sure am dead. I don't want to end up in hospital because than people will know am suicidal. Am going to try get subscribe sleeping pills from my GP. So have any of you guys got advice on how I can successfully kill myself?

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suicidewatch,starlessastronomer,2019/01/13,"I don’t understand anything anymore I don’t get why it matters that I live. I’m one of almost eight billion people. I’m not important; I’m exactly like everyone else. I’m absolutely miserable. I’ve tried to end my life twice and I really wish I would have succeeded one of those times. Killing myself is the only thing I think about. The only reason I’m still here is because I don’t want to hurt my family. I’m supposed to be sixteen in less than a month and every part of my body is aching to overdose instead of celebrating. I don’t know what to do; everything feels like it’s falling apart and I’m just stuck in the middle of it. I reached out for help months ago but my family just pushed me to the side. No one cares about me- my family is obligated to love me, but that’s about it.",1.882363636363636,3.745970690909096,4.004242424242428,85.94636363636367,78.45454545454545,7.793939393939394,24.333333333333336,8.648137234880735,1.6995333333333336,624,22,133,14,15,214,97,165,0.092,0.754,0.153,0.8706,0,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,1,5,0,12,3,1,1,1,20,29,5,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,6,1,1,18,5,20,26,2,14,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,1,8,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410470388653406,0.0,0.15148971226646868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003370982808698,0.0,0.0,0.12449436705876495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222171135254163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804312850390415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424477136974088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637890290367718,0.0,0.1339932859004824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746383264572453,0.14455895508477934,0.1359648780409464,0.0,0.4278530790876906,0.0,0.0764940587342742,0.10807777585084101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903997948409053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014029041290892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195333427526185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673740376278756,0.0,0.08314208079091376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068568140705549,0.1478200652112878,0.0,0.1335871073081889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365402926391906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415079099502608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075431586282643,0.2301175691932649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382652073068732,0.0,0.1048817197054037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691681317856947,0.15554580462386966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081610759243608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050679144545407,0.09693708763571372,0.0,0.0,0.08821528920888491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271233884139842,0.0,0.0,0.15749264384054978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923159933668187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651085527233525,0.0,0.17396986795459393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746826650109946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,56789body,2019/01/13,"I'm scared of failing I have no one to talk to, that will understand me 

I want to hang myself because I don't really have another option but I'm scared if I fail and am still alive. I don't want to survive. I want to off myself and get it all done with. But it's not a given and hanging sounds so peaceful. 

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suicidewatch,uttol,2019/01/13,"My father will take everything away from me if i fail my next exam. I don't think i can keep on living after that. Guys, it's a long story, so I'm going to copy paste what I wrote on my FB wall. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just don't care what happens to me anymore.
 Note: I am talking to my internet friends. So, the friends ""here"" are my real life friends

I've got an important thing to say. Tomorrow is day I'll be doing an exam which I know nothing about. This exam will decide whether I stay in college and have a successful life , or whether I fail and lose everything. My father called me angry because i failed 2 subjects that I wanted to do next year. He said there wasn't going to be a next year or even a next semester if I failed this exam. 

In panic, I texted one of my friends. She told me to focus as much as I could and not to worry about losing her. She assured me that we wouldn't stop being friends in case I failed. 

My father wants me to go back to my hometown and start working. I'd lose the two only people who understand me here. People who aren't afraid to show affection and to get close to a guy. Nothing will be the same if I go back. 

I'd only be in touch with them via texting. And they would be together, here without me. 

I don't know what to do. I tried to study, but I know it's not going to be enough, no matter how hard I try. There's just no way I will able to process so much information overnight. I'm pretty much done for. 

And if it comes to this, I will refuse to go back home with my father. I will try to find a job here and try to stay in college. 

Funny thing is that my brother failed 3 subjects and my dad did nothing. He gave him a chance. I don't know what I did for him to be like this. He's trying to control everything I do. 

Worst case scenario, I'll leave home for good. I will bid everyone farewell and end my life. Not being overdramatic, I'm seriously considering this. I can't even try. I'm not allowed to slip up. I'm sure I can get through college, but it's impossible to talk to anyone in this family. 

At the moment, I only have two people I trust here. And I will eventually lose them. I won't be able to meet them anymore. I will just lose everything

I'm trying to cry right now, but obviously I can't because of how messed up I am. 

If I don't find a solution soon, my life is over. I don't want to live a life without the people I love. They've become really close to me. I just don't want to do it because of you guys. You're part of my life as well, but I'll be alone here, no one I can hug or connect. No home, no food, no job. Because I won't love with my father. He basically told me I wasn't worth his money

I have no father. I don't care if this is his way of being worried. He's manipulative and controlling. Won't listen to a word and if I don't comply, he tries to fuck my life. 

This is it friends. Should I fail, I will say goodbye to my friends here. I will hug and kiss them a final time, and I will say goodbye to you as well and perhaps even transfer the money I still have to you and then go away. 

I'm sorry, I know I'm wrong, but it's what I decided to do. There's no point in living for me if I don't have anything to hold on to.

If I become homeless, I'll lose contact with you all anyway. And with my friends here too. I will have no one.

Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry. I tried my best, I swear I did. I'm praying tomorrow's exam will be accessible. 

I'll be kicked out of my house anyway, so there is no reason to keep on living if my own family gives up on me. I really don't want to do this. I finally found people I really love, but I'll lose everyone. 

I'm really sorry my friends. I know you must be worried and disappointed at me right now. But I was starting to keep myself together. This has destroyed everything",0.9633061425061412,2.5417200315151547,3.2755487305487314,91.43548525798526,80.2,6.3503685503685485,21.815315315315317,7.2763611118338964,0.5681934479934476,2946,88,686,39,74,1015,272,825,0.177,0.7140000000000001,0.11,-0.9938,3,1,0,0,0,2,100.0,1,6,5,19,40,50,2,2,19,0,86,15,0,8,5,111,144,53,0,20,33,8,2,1,9,21,7,5,3,3,32,30,1,8,16,1,3,8,37,23,2,5,14,7,121,27,91,93,10,67,1,15,0,7,67,27,1,13,29,459,153,20,0.08891172599746168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460428668798954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226481134401766,0.03108457305901236,0.0,0.03658338736294199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835354933696594,0.102551443648101,0.0,0.10839952583849624,0.09819601592465567,0.0,0.0,0.046653685508379256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539440658516113,0.0,0.09065143031032223,0.0,0.0,0.0382947895822809,0.0,0.0,0.09972206102366912,0.03549438919799127,0.0,0.048832678017598864,0.028670353892396312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549378259366188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039374699417660634,0.045934790278940985,0.0,0.08808803471229666,0.0,0.0,0.08495896441888509,0.23972437879599204,0.0,0.08381806232943373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739844985938677,0.08126370678995101,0.0,0.05375620600067321,0.04874355917570332,0.30911840527754897,0.041098728990093945,0.04645270713751371,0.04264611465051142,0.17685703999560498,0.03728746868920151,0.03555541476045744,0.0,0.0,0.13205488112870306,0.039312172832035495,0.0,0.0398237212254758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377856589171458,0.0,0.0,0.05129609714211515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823116874809635,0.11854324097037665,0.0,0.0,0.17102245777991695,0.0,0.0,0.047072339995772684,0.0,0.0,0.2198034352644576,0.021718889108803083,0.0,0.15702136598818275,0.03934203980945199,0.0,0.3481431752835438,0.0,0.0,0.12036945608738582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098040523383669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911725855967976,0.0,0.0,0.12796979858561286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903733298841523,0.10143206120533207,0.0,0.052159376678235024,0.0,0.04814136743540176,0.042438151518038265,0.15410048944074506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202515993859483,0.0,0.0,0.04522759484095177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050600504719571136,0.1139182567776705,0.04570803127622222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593012819641498,0.042287706001984685,0.10605925975283252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492940969159047,0.06293217728714562,0.09476806983171944,0.03550250961676574,0.03716709206871289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041899124762775866,0.0,0.033425276374631815,0.07146387744043778,0.0,0.04092898581567095,0.0,0.0,0.05906900000254432,0.028485521960514237,0.0,0.0,0.025922571219140017,0.0,0.0,0.08495896441888509,0.0,0.27164351534985165,0.0,0.08685383692043969,0.046280121201893766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110609904172538,0.0705739895965939,0.0,0.0,0.07994231954074821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570773103921181,0.0,0.03236439772984896,0.13544126044246152,0.0,0.03158016957327713,0.048605507390822235,0.0,0.05725623645692188
suicidewatch,Esmithe55,2019/01/13,"It's time Hello all,

If you are reading this then I would like to inform you of my situation. For privacy reasons, I will not reveal my name on this post, and would prefer not to receive saccharine responses. I am a 16 year old high school student residing in a New York City suburb, and have what most teens would want. I come from a very well to do family, with high end cars, a large home, and expensive vacations. However, I also suffer from Aspergers Syndrome, and have little to no social skills. I am bullied very frequently as a result of this, and feel isolated from my peers. The school that I attend is public, and as a result cares too much about the worst performing students to care about the welfare of the others. I do see therapists and psychiatrists to assist me in my situation, but I feel as though they are disingenuous and motivated my money. At home, I am always fighting with my parents, to the extent where they have threatened to kick me out of the house or to divorce to split custody.   

​

I understand that this would not be considered reason enough to terminate my existence, but the problem is far more deep rooted than this. I haven't been happy for most of my life, and I don't see that changing. The people who claim to be my friends always turn out to be users or simply people who feel sympathetic to my disorder. My parents are always upset with me, and express their disdain quite often. I have tried to change my situation time and time again, but nothing seems to work. No amount of therapy, medicine, or even self determination has worked. This begs the question, if my life will most likely continue to remain tumultuous and miserable, why should I continue? The world has a population of 7.7 billion, what difference will one death make? In this day and age, no one cares if you die, no one cares if you live. For this reason, and all the previously listed reasons, I choose death.",7.132761904761907,7.429972244444446,7.287936507936513,73.34500000000001,64.05555555555556,10.634920634920636,33.253968253968246,10.398101306919678,3.4468134920634927,1528,58,271,34,21,494,193,360,0.161,0.757,0.08199999999999999,-0.9869,3,2,0,0,4,0,51.0,0,4,3,6,10,15,1,2,18,0,30,2,0,9,2,66,45,30,3,12,13,2,3,2,1,8,2,0,2,1,17,20,0,0,15,1,2,4,9,6,1,4,1,5,39,9,46,33,11,33,0,2,2,0,23,14,0,13,16,203,56,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728781641025425,0.21003705963242866,0.09116713005593922,0.1022409639810236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431509032006433,0.0,0.17802080748921906,0.07248033256647886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426421734096795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732544905276779,0.08790981421530038,0.09643328997069514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452427182985978,0.08694051885663344,0.0,0.05557457572965306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932098725417991,0.0,0.1276332016527207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650074071907544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895700439431577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779993626005636,0.1688012921490602,0.0,0.0,0.09708783416173204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188630639983156,0.08221443819129409,0.0843317489745346,0.07429836376573459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616501218477196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185358214831351,0.0,0.0,0.0812642512766192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073590568608527,0.0,0.08829220481756707,0.0,0.17104909248996886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685804902428685,0.0,0.0,0.1166660513887812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058416551814686,0.0,0.0,0.08051191943812265,0.0,0.0,0.09425758156061656,0.08949469514428574,0.08416413137008179,0.0,0.0,0.34604533347716904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031109990771598,0.13409954262955892,0.07659913540171953,0.08777779061724587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837352472090442,0.0,0.08577152190086271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962229798935589,0.0976946059227096,0.0,0.0,0.082668460487011,0.0,0.14719051365234787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057126461289874836,0.09152163953648436,0.0,0.0875941247496056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885087050491215,0.04962875505358492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565318898018132,0.0,0.07592449142263727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251182661458705,0.0,0.0,0.2390864363684633,0.0,0.1022409639810236,0.05418427813770835
suicidewatch,IMAMISHAMIGO,2019/01/13,"No hope anymore When I was 10 I still had hope, but nearly 4 years have passed and I see the truth now. It sounds like a very trivial and stupid problem to be so devastated about but I really do not want to become an adult at any point, any time soon. I can barely even keep up with having to do one thing like clean my room. Every day is painful. How the hell am I going to survive owning my own place and being responsible for every single thing, all the bills and the appliances and jobs and non existent relationships? My my only hope now is that I don’t live to that point.",3.2071657250470835,4.515187381355936,4.323333333333334,87.41874764595106,73.4915254237288,7.278342749529191,21.58568738229755,7.793537801064563,0.7121777777777782,453,10,97,6,9,148,84,118,0.211,0.628,0.162,-0.8803,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,0,6,0,13,1,0,1,2,19,20,11,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,5,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,2,2,11,6,11,16,4,17,1,0,1,0,2,7,1,3,10,69,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312462219684426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686195221026861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187779709992594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096523252721385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230018147093596,0.0,0.2865074864938821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966293602147332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066207958810129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872398664867982,0.15112639890997406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613165655688605,0.0,0.1501355543310721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521361986642573,0.12931198791678536,0.18091902668366328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764036809707784,0.0,0.3214579439441505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269135741958088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892263305767023,0.0,0.0,0.1825436628923289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548824057359107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357825141288985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259146582594757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914318539211234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402887718923159,0.10028539355488858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949079120885807
suicidewatch,dumbasiannn,2019/01/13,"Goodbye to the asshole that ruined my life & personality I was outgoing back then. I was carefree and had a decent amount of close friends. Well that all was ruined because you stepped into my life. You decided to ruin me, like I was a joke for the best 5 months of my life, well I THOUGHT they were the best. You made me look silly. You decided that you were tired of me in September and just completely stopped talking to me. You guys reading this, wanna know what my last words to that person I trusted were? I MISS YOU. MY LAST FUCKING WORDS WERE I MISS YOU AND I WAS LEFT ON READ THAT NIGHT.  YOU RUINED ME, M. I DON’T EVEN WANT TO GET OUT OF MY BED AND SOCIALIZE ANYMORE BECAUSE I’M AFRAID I WILL GET TROWN AWAY LIKE YOU THREW ME AWAY. 

it’s not just him. It’s my friends, classmates, teachers, even my fucking mom. I have never in my whole life felt so worthless. I have an array of knives that could go to use so goodbye ",0.8707254126947213,3.3248894973262035,2.031136944896538,94.98153917693564,87.18181818181819,4.749500116252034,22.568937456405486,6.280692351149826,0.3884728667751681,724,27,154,7,23,229,102,187,0.129,0.693,0.17800000000000002,0.8192,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,10,1,2,9,21,2,1,6,0,15,7,0,2,2,25,31,7,0,3,3,1,1,2,2,1,5,0,1,3,10,7,0,1,5,3,0,3,3,10,2,0,14,2,39,11,20,15,5,20,0,7,1,2,20,9,2,0,10,110,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999587124749224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281387538537529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427887035298919,0.09935230740088592,0.0,0.1575269342405203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711898227343142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354712174151919,0.0,0.0,0.10316137953278284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706801814142588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405910707268003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965021607296435,0.2388998191242017,0.13501078507386918,0.0,0.07343138949273581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279353725014997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100885952605639,0.21064211180324785,0.0,0.0,0.14038392467427366,0.0,0.36505126778434904,0.12624815431451109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850144745562958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225891039424686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513258289179807,0.10313189836574133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965250393368244,0.0,0.0,0.12125213866541495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256373641273225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25848419033731324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171039747951765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802294609558637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385179672192388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025760285516895,0.0,0.14850458866538352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159347530184473,0.0,0.0,0.07620971284707427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323454538369926,0.0,0.0,0.14425514626322186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarmadukesMittens,2019/01/13,i'm losing everything i just want it to stop I have to leave my little boy i cant take this i just want to die i phoned samaritans there i think she just wanted me off the phone i've fucked up and lost everything i have to go into a hostel i dont think i can do it i'm so scared,-1.7477272727272748,0.03418506060606319,1.3941666666666668,99.76125,92.33333333333334,5.118181818181818,12.795454545454547,6.6274283507984215,-0.9001454545454544,218,3,58,3,8,77,42,66,0.313,0.647,0.04,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,17,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,12,0,7,16,0,6,0,2,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415013554427867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727175785390568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182637068134775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151233865206698,0.0,0.0,0.1322463051040072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463911035736349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332221809922137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603269204300238,0.2540147990588643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329689480768121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454398978796175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749581757341761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298203964041406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117497846636815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crispylegsboi,2019/01/13,"I am going to inject 1 gram of heroin and overdose in 2 days and I havent had anyone to talk to about it Im a 25 yo male, I live with my girlfriend who I love so much, but I live with depression and I can tell I'm killing her spirit. I've self medicated over the years with drugs and I never went to a doctor an I ended up getting really bad off and as time went by I went from one drug to a worse drug and so on the the point I was shooting heroin.

 I know that I will always be an addict and that I will never change. I will always have this looming sadness and dissatisfaction with life and it's even worse to be so in love with someone and know that I am the worst thing to ever happen in their life and only drain them of all happiness and potential they have. She deserves the world, not a depressed drug addict. She'll hurt at first but she will move on and make a great life for herself.

I'm going to buy a gram of heroin in a couple of days when I get my check and the days couldn't be any slower. I don't have the money to buy it all right now and that's the only reason I haven't done it yet. But once I do I'm going to drive to the beach right by my house and inject it all and lay back and inevitably pass out and stop breathing.

 I haven't talked about it to anyone for obvious reasons and I just wanted to get it off my chest.",3.0641890440386668,3.206562755102045,4.5726279985678495,89.83941460794847,72.80952380952381,7.141854636591479,22.276405298961688,6.5966054737557815,0.3191047619047613,1046,20,246,7,19,352,144,294,0.18600000000000005,0.736,0.078,-0.989,1,0,4,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,12,11,1,0,18,0,23,15,2,3,7,46,42,28,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,2,14,26,0,1,4,1,4,9,8,7,0,2,6,0,33,4,42,27,5,40,1,4,0,2,17,16,0,0,15,172,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859642755612387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921599713234705,0.0,0.0,0.06506124633631273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379424172839371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356699959066296,0.07988335847597308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120985467149488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586088450299697,0.0,0.1851044367813368,0.0,0.16480685411873414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792585953745216,0.0,0.09790718588799532,0.0,0.0,0.4438034441431628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473830478334245,0.0,0.0,0.06319143039915494,0.08654213894330423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137981215359838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499563316157444,0.0,0.1631203283167756,0.0,0.0,0.10548034808367948,0.0,0.0,0.08460374129592219,0.10184619717507347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103943491153322,0.10242043777244417,0.0,0.10334377470603898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584852903647232,0.0,0.10515928369148783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027310223352401,0.0,0.0,0.16896286911888664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726980998355358,0.0,0.06386278998524103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638096448451247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168576688040784,0.07033101521597465,0.0,0.14757856979640482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188913242878024,0.06483082525301334,0.14552798360944272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044236182405224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129088034944825,0.19673654110963554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634092562103513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980830395114768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106382807635493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998731221339854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537974363515036,0.08362283741054342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635612080789345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578797484737463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564306965836534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660708199504432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499889692920294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161058353956101
suicidewatch,Mrzeldaootfan,2019/01/13,"I want to kill myself but im afraid to suicide always comes up when im thinking how shitty things are for me right now, i have a good paying job, i love the people there. its just my family all shoot me down belitteling me. i feel so sick sometimes i dont want to leave my bed. I want to kill myself but i dont want my friends at work or online to be sad or worried about me.",-0.3055153949129874,1.6058360120481936,2.0813654618473905,96.56601070950472,86.4698795180723,4.6527443105756365,16.451137884872825,5.82211442006289,-0.6870203480589021,291,6,70,2,9,99,56,83,0.358,0.495,0.147,-0.984,1,0,0,1,0,4,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,14,13,7,3,4,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,16,3,10,12,1,7,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,46,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436340232790662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945230279075306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066743830841215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355753050525867,0.0,0.08772529606363688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340433516113265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552105186178566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748130638800344,0.0,0.17216900120302375,0.0,0.38389744895815797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837082717219744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658781602892893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202809743013072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816548979553634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715929690370066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977755799903046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526369736226448,0.11116987192339214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40933210236548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630788214070274,0.1761946249677618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rlbanana,2019/01/13,"How do I make it stop Not life, the thoughts, every second I’m not doing something it’s all I think about, I don’t want to die, I just want to be happy but I feel like I’m being prevented from doing so. I wake up every morning and lie in bed for hours without the motivation to wake up I can’t sleep because of the thoughts, when does it stop? How does it stop? Please I’m getting tired of it",0.6490697674418621,2.2998508255813945,2.7350581395348854,94.60049418604652,81.44186046511628,5.230232558139536,21.21511627906977,5.985473137389443,-0.007948837209302617,305,9,72,2,8,103,53,86,0.184,0.682,0.134,-0.7517,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,7,5,3,4,1,21,18,6,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,7,2,12,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658431654426295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848746157669334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347285907971028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32227300047180385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670182244982037,0.13662914563607348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992031000811934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035893413482167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883428737028345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350856371434023,0.09343516305128406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276609604520104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993523376115494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138826893877656,0.0,0.0,0.14723370938980485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796810679660478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254537401283586,0.0,0.30366251308526765,0.0,0.2198139138136946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22560858761447944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435832017666395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yoshiverse4,2019/01/13,"I believe I deserve death. I don't think I deserve death in a negative way.

I believe I am a good person with a kind heart. I believe I am a hard worker and I believe I always put others before myself.

I truly believe that with all this pain I am in, the overwhelming darkness, I believe that my eventual suicide is the only way I will find some rest and peace. And I think with all my hard work for others, that no one seems to notice. I think that will be my only payoff for all of this. And I can't stop looking forward to it.",2.1339639639639643,3.5185959099099122,4.209189189189189,86.85180180180181,76.38738738738738,6.014414414414415,25.84684684684685,6.42735559955562,0.988214414414414,410,15,84,3,9,141,58,111,0.233,0.6409999999999999,0.126,-0.9059,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,6,0,9,2,1,0,3,17,14,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,3,21,2,10,11,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,67,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840405758859404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006328649950113,0.7994495304439201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808998436063456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919315932464544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118803374584062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401418936376426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315242502293496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993109002991176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464289154466322,0.0,0.0,0.08013788032129203,0.17988825668003358,0.1258398731419863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326244625339133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888669885185263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766193943818964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887293009711016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936022180982726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273339288724576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774288629193409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609666929181534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inner_mess,2019/01/13,"It's all in my head... I guess The way people see us is the way we see us ourselves. Is it true? How to get rid of all this negative stuff in my head, then?",-2.784166666666668,-1.127291083333331,0.3291111111111107,105.52700000000002,98.72222222222223,3.9911111111111115,12.755555555555556,5.6839178017228535,-1.4106044444444443,115,2,33,1,5,40,26,36,0.12,0.809,0.071,-0.4469,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,1,3,6,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,6,2,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200277331371892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572448361883503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793107545713002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189099184352618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721649563627922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26732061203408125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5617833793993785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37070917865386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatWasNotEasy10,2019/01/13,"It’s too hard I don’t even know what to do anymore. I haven’t felt like this in awhile. I’m actually scared I’m going to do something bad. But I also don’t care. So many things are going through my head right now. I feel completely alone. Nobody gives two shits about me. The dark isn’t dark enough. Everything hurts so bad. It’s too much for me to handle anymore. I want to be gone.

I just want to fucking die 😭",-0.7339138576779014,1.4170028651685411,1.223848314606741,99.49809456928841,93.38202247191013,4.31498127340824,16.405430711610492,5.985473137389443,-0.6459445692883894,321,8,77,3,12,105,61,89,0.254,0.6579999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9492,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,2,1,1,0,8,3,2,0,0,7,21,4,1,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,2,3,9,2,9,18,2,6,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.17688782054384847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773516048199132,0.0,0.14495700459057975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595309800981977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30269625773560144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848110464279268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900521821367529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812373761748988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872944890077877,0.0,0.11972336834421585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290867538037154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165268238696253,0.0,0.17404216528769362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757593532756762,0.0,0.1738852447813813,0.20603337117221845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623772193585824,0.0,0.18602947857618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194047194690028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961812524802614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885565866905676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183773561521673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325012565054056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479873179439738,0.0,0.0,0.18147719784292365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860652111386896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954612293227975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042395431104833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706889381224922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138287748933681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,L255taochi,2019/01/13,Breaking point I want out. Ive been suicidal for A year now. Idk what to do. Someone tell me its gonna be ok ,-2.6678,-1.0136634799999982,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,103.8,4.1000000000000005,18.25,5.985473137389443,-0.3772000000000002,83,3,22,1,4,29,24,25,0.223,0.644,0.133,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4540537983472945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069701222337216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.525387660506766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198172868229757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833027754962659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093077061493924
suicidewatch,Edwinus,2019/01/13,"The 15 minutes a difference can make My friend is bipolar crazy fuck but he is my crazy bipolar fiend.
We didn't hear from him in a while and we where joking we would see him come spring time.
Fast forward today.. I went bye work he wasn't there he wasn't at home. We got the spair key  and we where 15 minutes on time a little later I would have lost a friend.
Take care guy's",-0.2844444444444427,1.8881267901234613,0.9714691358024724,102.52461111111113,89.74074074074073,3.7338271604938273,15.507407407407406,4.935628992294339,-1.1873466666666666,294,6,71,1,10,92,55,81,0.116,0.732,0.152,0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,5,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,6,0,9,3,0,1,0,12,19,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,6,2,11,4,4,11,0,16,0,1,1,1,15,7,1,0,9,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076561631156656,0.0,0.0,0.19496925066102455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647395088297204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34973474923759496,0.20924487330325411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102234398999995,0.0,0.0,0.2241091760405524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255098204721094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270344262750794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268490957794374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470735297815547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108167900566086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036125397528224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017722669287108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26395780423043863,0.0,0.21454097414585024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098166304239442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477600327130926,0.0,0.0,0.3215665663455619,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustLeave_lol,2019/01/13,"Just some thoughts Im not even sure if this is allowed in this sub but I wanted to share some of my thoughts to you guys. So I've been thinking if we are all gonna die then why am I keep trying to be normal and happy? I mean im clearly not okay and I don't seem to get better. Why don't I just kill myself and put an end to this nightmare? Why should I keep fighting when im obviously not ""winning"" the fight? I don't want to continue this, i have had enough. But even if i continue I will just die at some point. So putting an end asap is the best option. But the problem is im such a coward to do it. I feel lost.
 Thanks for reading and sorry for this post since it probably doesn't belong here but whatever. I like it when I relate to something so if anyone can relate to my thoughts that would be nice",0.2115025252525271,2.0867851250000022,2.302878787878789,95.96737373737379,84.11363636363636,5.047474747474748,20.005050505050505,6.139981653823899,-0.11373510101010087,626,18,148,5,18,210,100,176,0.151,0.65,0.198,0.9268,1,0,1,0,3,1,14.0,1,1,0,4,12,15,3,0,6,1,19,0,0,1,4,43,34,18,3,10,14,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,2,7,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,6,1,18,10,14,22,6,13,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,9,8,100,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257784485070213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393803177899584,0.10444932005922214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451370587369602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092020252864248,0.12202824782900358,0.0,0.15600707677654718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059714603989464814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061702060948598876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693697132788634,0.0,0.1257190049483635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102704620897084,0.0,0.0,0.209944342109663,0.13065948572275354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057697400306945985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891944354263007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864486616854318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571233491319065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164210396735906,0.0,0.11310657735040172,0.0,0.1273311254365204,0.11300517396940275,0.0,0.2374450280114479,0.0,0.0,0.11813135711873585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751325620338473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976930422197258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091868619822972,0.0,0.13220260683482768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113072847251983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108730058288613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756733254299794,0.0,0.2812731899351001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801817388204251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393161692791462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319699011834425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389442372041382,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jopep10,2019/01/13,"I cant find a good reason as to why life is even worth living I've been trying to find one. But i'm starting to realise that the one thing keeping me alive all these years, which was my dream of playing football proffesionally, wont come true. So what have i even left? My dad left me, then came back but never really gave a shit, all my friends end up leaving me, im not very close with anyone, i feel unwanted, un-needed and just like a waste of a life.",2.7952678571428566,3.7237407291666713,3.893988095238093,91.57125000000002,74.0,6.735714285714287,23.089285714285715,6.868970318607317,0.4795910714285712,354,9,81,3,7,115,73,96,0.095,0.726,0.179,0.8088,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,6,3,1,1,4,19,13,6,0,1,4,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,2,1,2,4,1,0,2,4,1,9,5,8,8,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,7,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726438905616086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399530971834592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816893205292408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678397740805447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612052723434692,0.0,0.0,0.24042944388171505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920288318033673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327044568837549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140619110032411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265987128641392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660012539882687,0.0,0.0,0.16177728107756928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272043980250286,0.39550495739686936,0.0,0.2571155964753789,0.08892002950025885,0.0,0.16071660509308627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349567992306166,0.14037597044758066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466669794229424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116599135233657,0.18713477789400704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682883658597935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288263647568505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091818316453685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357164349458433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017585442481107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642341215392008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720733526743125
suicidewatch,radioracle,2019/01/13,I’m just so frustrated I’m so sick I think about hurting myself almost every hour and I end up doing really sick disgusting things to myself that could really put me in danger. And I see a therapist and I’ve been seeing her for almost two years and none of this has gotten better it’s only gotten worse. I’m over it I’m at my last straw I can’t do this anymore. I want to be gone and invisible i don’t want to have to stab myself anymore no one is here to help I’m on my own and I’m failing miserably and I can’t take it anymore ,-0.7721751412429363,1.3165550593220343,2.578000000000003,90.59101129943504,91.6271186440678,5.519548022598871,16.341242937853107,7.03164865440522,0.11013717514124324,419,10,93,7,15,151,72,118,0.285,0.6509999999999999,0.064,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,3,1,1,0,11,2,0,0,0,14,26,9,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,4,2,14,1,13,20,2,11,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,2,4,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551418761605215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275927889606007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683446757331224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158402071669562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706223952655654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940864297368225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886093478474892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746348787053673,0.0,0.1898360295377612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454807242996476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201637751737836,0.13486787986804422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826618940645586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272049920009941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28261899066884305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333305102473766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589444511334634,0.11781054286388495,0.1136262610094888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322618762747954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918831468562699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807149879574257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419506507715345
suicidewatch,callanancyhan,2019/01/13,"? I don't know if i'm depressed i feel like i'm just sad. I was depressed for almost 5 years, i went to a psychlogist bc i was cutting myself. I feel a lot better. But suicide seems a logical choice bc life is to hard especialy anxiety and stress it's just to run away from difficulties like if life was just a big problem i can't handle ",1.0482738095238098,2.963773152777776,3.4992063492063497,88.29500000000002,81.3611111111111,6.8920634920634924,24.174603174603178,7.957251820313856,1.355743650793651,265,10,58,5,7,92,47,72,0.34700000000000003,0.55,0.103,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,1,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,13,4,1,3,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,4,3,8,3,6,9,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356434327723113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002255146286708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210950565270085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081253425562732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40536918838554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379742137885223,0.16811582599807814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080447460816376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932815722127625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324332207906852,0.2299352680645681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006442246637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517370653708346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142305307873964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695633494056683,0.0,0.0,0.2574067411910689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814811225161268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154122308164586
suicidewatch,ogski,2019/01/13,"I've listed down the pros and cons of taking my life away And right now the pros outweight the cons.


I need help. I really do need help. The people I expect help from the most don't understand. I'm starting to believe that I am not meant to be loved. I cant handle all the responsibilities and obligations.

I've been searching for quick, easy and painless ways to die. I came here for help. Please help me.",1.0504878048780526,3.536751121951223,2.4299512195121937,92.24614634146343,86.56097560975607,5.231219512195122,17.956097560975607,6.742157984588678,-0.00639902439024409,320,8,68,4,10,103,54,82,0.043,0.68,0.276,0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,13,15,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,8,1,9,11,2,8,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,3,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833176914285832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258413805814607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292643159381353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803809943917886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6717955942597723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158556409360545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091625249149984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29726605167904024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896855878364558,0.0,0.0,0.22003670503950234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841503635867355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711853823762622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188134655591686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507153709110622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867817380400533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910990382710422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PuddleOfGlub,2019/01/13,"Even in moments of complete contentment, I still want to die. I’m sitting here with a mug of tea, listening to my favorite music and watching the snow fall outside. I should feel content. I should feel like life is worth enjoying. Why don’t I feel this way? Why have I never felt this way? I remember being a small child playing in my room and feeling the urge to run outside into the road. To disappear into the woods, bury myself in the cold snow and never get up. Why is my whole being so intent on not existing? Was I never supposed to exist? Is this instinct just trying to solve the problem of my existence? Life is just trying desperately to fix its mistake? I don’t know. I’m just going to spend my days sipping tea and dreaming about the day I finally slip away.",2.8075845864661626,4.954772559210528,4.2482330827067685,83.94263157894737,76.69736842105263,6.711278195488722,27.304511278195488,7.7094869923839395,1.7882748120300749,607,25,113,9,14,201,92,152,0.086,0.7829999999999999,0.131,0.6322,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,9,0,12,4,0,1,3,27,24,5,1,5,4,0,5,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,4,7,2,0,7,2,2,4,6,2,0,0,2,8,15,3,21,18,1,26,0,0,1,0,2,11,0,0,9,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555321578592832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173567636929325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135217894861104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180645979158007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933892941977527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33481203575326324,0.11826323753458852,0.15894627999225822,0.1813431688461384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648886225560927,0.0,0.0940813332446051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097755363938934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338544198403221,0.08087545911653242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830285861132274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840133660612804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752681497299736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220205465671128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478430242490827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764096036274164,0.2627990677477364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44812771847015376,0.1848217306194649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sosjdiskshodkdjdk,2019/01/13,Hey! Can some one give me a reason to not commit suicide?,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,1.5,94.995,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.243466666666667,44,1,9,0,2,15,12,12,0.128,0.609,0.263,0.4577,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503287695417022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555133161782015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394228738439872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738769387557708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,espresso-veins,2019/01/13,"I was attacked Got into a fight with my mother, older brother grabbed me and every other time he did he would choke me so I just started swinging. He backed off but then I got into a screaming match with my other brother and all of them started closing in and backing me into a wall and I told them to back up and pushed the younger one against his chest when he didn't. Then the older brother from before just started choking me from behind and I told my mom he was going to kill me and she just shrugged and walked away. I asked my brothers closest to get him off and please get him off and they did nothing.

So I grabbed him by the balls and twisted and it was the only way to get him to let go.

I think I'm done being alive. I'm done with this. I'm done. ",1.3892083333333325,3.2543353375000024,2.5825,95.54583333333336,80.0,4.266666666666667,23.791666666666664,3.1291,-0.046095833333333225,594,21,130,0,15,190,85,160,0.122,0.825,0.052000000000000005,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,10,4,3,0,7,0,12,1,1,0,1,26,29,18,1,1,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,19,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,4,0,1,13,3,26,0,23,13,1,29,0,0,0,0,24,12,0,0,12,98,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358816838289418,0.1747335378506309,0.14430512362457662,0.35430924404866193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069582691475126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715350797494014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940822844520106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24073708225478216,0.0,0.17458021043996466,0.0,0.2456837598277455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992724326236805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705864377113388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798855723689976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737605824940073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407819092009203,0.11681394771089702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685983414650781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261404915584213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984158134993573,0.0,0.0,0.0895609684829744,0.0,0.0,0.29352825652756914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191450463276997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091076401306572,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackspy087,2019/01/13,"Why do we HAVE to live? Before you say anything, you won't convince me that I'm not a mess, that I'm not hateful, that I am worth something or anything other than that because that is not true for everyone. Once I used to be something, now I'm not. I have no talents, no hobbies, I can't do anything positive, I only live in fear and pain, I don't have a job, no couple, my friends never cared about me, I cut contact with everyone and they haven't and will not say anything because I was just a tool to them, I used to do an excellent job at school, now I can't even search for 5 links because I'll overthink everything/distract myself and then attempt to fix it by staying as late as I can, all while constantly stopping myself from doing my work because I'm tired, I get distracted, I take horrible decisions or I wait until I'm sure that EVERYONE is asleep because I won't let them now I'm a useless mess. My parents used to be extremely strict, now they don't care absolutely about what I do, everything seems fine to them and it's only increasing my mediocrity. I have lived constantly fulfilling the expectations of other people because I didn't want to disappoint them, now I decided I don't want to be used by anyone and will avoid all contact. I don't deserve mercy, I don't deserve forgiveness, I don't even deserve to die, I'm stuck in this living hell and I'm honestly tired of it. Someone else could have done better with my life. I don't want to feel, I don't want to be here, I wish I had never exited at all...

I can't talk about this to anyone, and yes, I'm seeing a therapist, but as soon as I get to say something meaningful they start to talk a lot about other

The worst part... people can believe I'm happy because I'm able to put up a fake smile. I'm a master at deceiving everyone, or maybe I'm just not even there for them

The only thing I can feel is pain in my stomach and tiredness, that's the only two things I know

I don't even have deppression, it's just that I'm so worthless of a person that I lost hope and meaning in life and have nothing to go for

Tommorrow I start school, had a month to do something I didn't do last year because I didn't have time, now I had time, but my constant desire to escape this mess, become someone led me to waste my time in social media, trying to satisfy people who don't care about me, and videogames. I'm probably going to lose my scholarship and be forced to have a mediocre life with a mediocre education

I tried to believe in God. Once I had so much faith, but now I can only see myself rotting in hell.

So yeah... i'ts true, you either die a hero, or live enough to see yourself become the villain.

​

I want to say something but I can't, everything I do is wrong... and I wish I could have done more... I don't want to feel anything or see anyone anymore... I want this to stop",5.640212563451778,4.863009160744504,6.607397948392558,80.58566545050762,67.3756345177665,9.62100253807107,33.02035744500846,8.930421266530582,2.596866708967851,2238,86,467,33,32,751,225,591,0.183,0.7,0.118,-0.9858,3,1,5,0,0,0,76.0,1,3,8,11,25,39,5,3,19,2,65,9,2,5,8,80,118,33,2,14,19,1,3,0,1,4,7,4,0,1,24,18,0,4,11,0,2,5,32,21,0,1,12,11,75,18,63,94,11,45,3,5,4,0,26,12,2,8,27,313,99,7,0.056734277273631166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061471565722648676,0.06893835676356261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626515810037056,0.11900977742212315,0.0,0.2334373806124357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766775106998582,0.1253171037258767,0.04827669128289088,0.12784020468663154,0.0,0.050176857786387405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353313046551036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839287955346272,0.0,0.09059540778567296,0.06277539870007283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776244524563305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611772674253537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739420867866599,0.0,0.0,0.058621674451937535,0.0,0.14988982026208367,0.0,0.0,0.21684813291597552,0.10197822033244586,0.0,0.0,0.06384183500081024,0.08605966579153235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438327618861477,0.0,0.05928263650906356,0.0,0.06448679443307485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039469312737954,0.0,0.0560133530740076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634993865028608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260003190296736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03117967506005642,0.0462460082011269,0.06399873593583293,0.0,0.0,0.05801464237717581,0.12021929361083107,0.0,0.0,0.25048703126380106,0.0,0.0,0.0634711442030969,0.06193216557916311,0.04823345370108654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699720712652261,0.061800260174292077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528475884323449,0.0,0.041706221725728215,0.0,0.08751394438135045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443806917596871,0.0,0.0,0.12084030737982587,0.0,0.21574487205521603,0.12073854216621953,0.0,0.06299670086331764,0.061437693572382476,0.0,0.1179972130494882,0.04953818257224631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061169146617578475,0.0,0.0,0.057033618772529535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046949774056584,0.0,0.11483623499884114,0.1808394943017741,0.05164875523947804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783345096445752,0.09614153804851824,0.21838409215623047,0.0,0.0,0.08031362692799741,0.06047119083790036,0.0,0.09486479238705296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534713849078052,0.0,0.042657115841846414,0.09120172603263473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587286870872462,0.0753834657200591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992466399696792,0.13041541155339684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703770026605362,0.0,0.05542114508342404,0.0,0.0,0.1960007988838171,0.0,0.0,0.2342434266929797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119386078712335,0.0,0.13048323788542854,0.0,0.0,0.04130322955718463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203002590266135,0.06893835676356261,0.036535014457871766
suicidewatch,SpiritedCompany,2019/01/13,"Major headache from trying to hang myself yesterday Last night I tried to hang myself by cutting off all blood flow to my brain. I wasn't anxious, sad, or depressed, but rather in a state if contentedness. As I felt myself losing consciousness, all of my worries seemed to slip from me. I felt the most soothing peace I'd ever experienced. I can't explain it, but it felt beautiful. As I was about to fully lose consciousness, I pulled the cord away from my neck and thought of how my mom would react. Immediately after I had a major headache and I felt a bit impaired, and I still do today. I'm happy to know that dying is peaceful, and not scary.",4.671666666666667,5.931881246031747,5.4160317460317495,81.16785714285716,69.87301587301587,7.822222222222222,28.285714285714285,8.167268648758528,1.8762761904761909,511,18,97,7,9,166,83,126,0.102,0.667,0.231,0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,5,0,7,3,3,2,3,27,16,11,1,3,6,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,10,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,8,5,18,2,19,7,6,15,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,4,7,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394768063326955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298092516057316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776444589183635,0.0,0.0,0.18176830533480906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024228864482802,0.0,0.16898827566745536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728595718335535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6253561783935819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333191459761152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948522618191618,0.13272538908495934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643225712967945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907005142495281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280170849011118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823119662783166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003351144790426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926611097622853,0.0,0.0,0.15434055229574686,0.0,0.0,0.2210971095614105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653582885677312,0.0,0.11566732566404946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaykay101111,2019/01/13,"My boyfriend comes from 3 generations of suicide. He took his life in November 2017. I am really fucking depressed. We have a 7 year old daughter. I feel ill every moment of every day. He was my best friend. I have constant nightmares. We struggled so much after his death - I got my daughter involved with a grief center for children in our town. I battled with her school because she got called to the principle’s office and was reprimanded to saying out loud to another student that she was sad at Christmas because she missed her Daddy. That student told their parents and those parents called the school and complained about my daughter upsetting their daughter...She has lots of friends with westerly families and gossipy moms. The rumor went around that her Dad died from a drug overdose (he hung himself) and no one wanted to have play dates anymore or associate with us. 

I worked so hard and advocated for my daughter the best I could. I found every resource possible for her. But I didn’t take any time for myself I guess. My family was very difficult to deal with regarding his death - my mom was extremely against my daughter even being at her Dad’s funeral - it took her counselor from school to tell my mom how important closure would be for my daughter. My mom does not know how to regulate her thoughts or feelings. She also doesn’t want my daughter to have any connection or relationship with her Dad’s side of her family. She got upset and scared that my daughter would choose her Dad’s family over her, which is ridiculous. After her Dad’s death, I brought my daughter to her her Dad’s family, across country. My mom flipped out and called child protective services on me. She can’t handle not having control over my daughter.

So I’ve been battling with Child Protective. My mom filed for custody of my daughter. There have been a bunch of recent child deaths in my state and the attention is on DHS and they aren’t fucking around with anything. So even though I’m an amazing mother, have done everything possible to help my daughter with her grief - I’ve now had my role as a parent ripped from me. If you thought those upity moms judged us then, you should see how they judge us now.

I’m don’t with it all. My daughter is now a stranger to me. It’s been 7 months without her and I really have no purpose in life anymore. I mean, I know my worth but being involved with the State and system rips your entire soul up. 

I have no fucking purpose to live. I understand why her Dad left. I want to leave also. ",3.874520348837208,6.170544895833337,4.177238372093027,84.99601744186049,74.0,7.1317829457364335,29.287790697674406,8.057270187336151,2.1184186046511626,2010,87,369,32,43,627,229,480,0.112,0.8440000000000001,0.044,-0.9727,4,0,1,0,0,2,48.0,6,3,4,4,19,23,6,4,13,0,36,7,0,4,1,64,66,30,9,8,9,31,3,0,2,3,4,2,0,4,10,30,0,3,11,1,1,5,11,17,0,1,22,6,84,6,62,37,6,43,1,5,1,3,94,20,3,6,15,252,94,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392004439329096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836967073238278,0.06813134721289851,0.0,0.0,0.128874335938769,0.0,0.0,0.05346841353586313,0.11568202280059885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792156097673905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637329561564812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990384498376845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559697117530561,0.0,0.07021426813333287,0.07287433971824155,0.05187678934738342,0.0,0.0,0.041903127311032864,0.0669857765776137,0.05596237488915037,0.0,0.06743319241404856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685955498247646,0.0664913928526095,0.0,0.0,0.07534970208321137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858299865424632,0.0,0.16423125983404466,0.0,0.05839482136581287,0.0,0.3062605147756681,0.0,0.06570604055539589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124110059464789,0.10039815529110308,0.18020341984515376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589794359313694,0.0,0.07157665166216948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820432028056555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355098579803495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141648675336974,0.0,0.0,0.06879853185886935,0.07059490015613773,0.0,0.09178671226389458,0.0,0.0,0.057373605451902975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055238930500045545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077619400444367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326808084193084,0.05186196414536252,0.0,0.0477636765885395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817972653682998,0.0,0.044028350235582984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643922093697632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649779755913486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324855763415692,0.0,0.06415440364355424,0.06975821376350777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051670268652380766,0.06505073179965619,0.19727275315902748,0.051776202463675404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792537385398703,0.0,0.07107147243676873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885267955147623,0.0,0.05679050912642036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383704021064059,0.10316486749920137,0.03788710826876198,0.0,0.0,0.06208584511407472,0.14437794822756084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764066526598768,0.2344686905246033,0.0,0.0,0.053610703232445135,0.1149707934548092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023194060607436,0.05862931017907206,0.0,0.0,0.06263302466992463,0.0,0.04730215341982349,0.0,0.0,0.09231193106995404,0.0,0.0,0.04184139781827555
suicidewatch,FakeGamerGurl,2019/01/13,"Had a mental breakdown today Woke up miserable. Started hurting myself instantly. Fiancé held me back from doing it. It helped but he left (not the house but the room) because I was being really shitty to him while he was just trying to help. Then I started punching my head and scratching up my arms.    
I felt dizzy from hitting my head and usually that’s when I start feeling the most suicidal. Because I’m hazy so I’m like fuck it, let’s finish the job. But I wanted...someone to tel me I’ll be ok. I went through my contact list.    
And I realized.    
I have no friends to call. There was no one I could call.    
Now I just feel numb. I upset my fiancé from my mental breakdown. I bully people who just want me to be ok. Normally, I’d say I’m a very sweet and compassionate person. I’m not mean to him. Except when I really want to hurt myself. Which, granted, is much rarer than it used to be. It used to be almost daily and now it’s every few months. But still. I push everyone away when I’m at my worst.    
So now I’m just alone. I still want to die. But I’m too tired from the whole ordeal to do it. ",0.018412351840300545,2.252254532751092,2.3882891453524664,92.50667576419217,88.82532751091702,5.018153462258267,18.658920773549603,6.5431188927421005,0.0978719900187155,844,24,182,10,28,287,126,229,0.232,0.638,0.13,-0.9867,1,1,0,0,0,4,34.0,0,0,0,0,18,13,1,2,7,2,15,6,3,2,0,32,39,17,2,5,12,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,8,6,29,6,22,23,5,26,0,3,0,1,14,6,1,2,19,122,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247344394822462,0.12901237859648745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703346714881352,0.09578324555721213,0.0,0.15186804835194015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543907782199767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945548328272834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927941041082722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495187746714374,0.11902775419443655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259682046680295,0.0,0.11960249567636135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623906163802233,0.11515887570892455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556804538751227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669873712105999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437319600945707,0.2667000692109313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361212189754328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534087210581705,0.12737674979612235,0.0,0.0608564525686285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356884392456937,0.0,0.0,0.2510656222103486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994270611762275,0.0,0.09157003735646052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204782509762575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440886388513548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863580920688255,0.10876586372515744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959980631516754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905955254399597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554401557285477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645044856757932,0.0,0.19895647348595435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362545317035982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316981512180132,0.1180736090978308,0.0,0.0,0.08457185522114284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151693408445986,0.13719139290710644,0.1027796528309763,0.22041602748153735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115473544862619,0.0,0.13907302667535754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissWintergirl,2019/01/13,"Hey I want to die  Since I got diagnosed with an ED my life is hell. It doesn’t seem like much but someone watching you eating everyday is embarrassing having someone to listen to you when you go to the bathroom to make sure you’re not vomiting is embarrassing. I hated myself for being fat now people want me to hate myself because I’m thin. I don’t want to gain weight but I don’t want people always telling me to eat a burger when they see me either. I just wish to disappear. I don’t want to live I’m not strong enough to survive. I’ll always hate myself for something and even if it’s not « real » problems it hurts. It hurts to wake up in the morning and know it’ll be another shitty day. 

Well I just needed to write this somewhere, if you happen to read this sorry it doesn’t really make sense ",2.532129870129868,4.2460066848484885,4.167640692640696,86.1743181818182,76.0909090909091,6.653679653679656,22.69480519480519,7.447530270364453,0.9119350649350648,633,18,128,8,14,212,97,165,0.249,0.621,0.13,-0.9838,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,4,1,3,7,13,4,2,4,0,12,8,2,2,1,28,33,8,1,10,10,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,3,4,0,2,1,0,2,8,9,1,0,1,5,20,4,19,29,3,10,1,2,2,0,9,3,1,3,6,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173519091113324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695341691486276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796171576993609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423107276496067,0.0,0.0,0.13256392642836015,0.13555002935319851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672882848154151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495252541876795,0.0,0.08626506308480597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422728748595786,0.0,0.10445879876881184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549583597020355,0.0,0.0,0.3868437838998264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796361933826868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177850053636799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922519837501604,0.06380825767842657,0.0,0.11532887031882648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174363123988477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601158616130392,0.09684385249487347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109367729349027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497379814818114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306429065232439,0.14865999948847147,0.08367054878281655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040773173047375,0.11890021940635663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803992516444848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213267273340957,0.10054808233746784,0.0,0.14620447295371242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309608175494212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415676617833727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851786207369589,0.0,0.0,0.1590448249530036,0.11743188381121325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501922509215739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Awolfx9,2019/01/13,"You owe the world nothing. I owe the world nothing. Death is a path we all must take, and if we want to take it sooner rather than later it should be our decision and our decision alone.",2.8757017543859646,4.299631657894739,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,74.52631578947368,7.171929824561403,23.192982456140356,7.793537801064563,0.8728666666666669,145,4,32,2,3,46,28,38,0.051,0.8370000000000001,0.113,0.3498,2,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,12,9,3,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816442247603084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7071516593632519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541168286793002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173447872420631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doojdoojdoo,2019/01/13,"My attempts I feel like I need to tell somebody. I'm just so thankful nobody knows. But I'm also extremely disappointed they didn't work. I've got 3 attempts and I feel worse than I did back then. Now I'm not even motivated enough to try anymore and it sickens me

#1
13 years old
I had always had dark thoughts and always fantasised about ending myself until this point. I woke up in the middle of the night and went downstairs to get a snack. I used a big knife to cut something (I don't remember). I took a good 5 minutes to look at this huge blade and started to see it sliding in between my ribs through to my heart. Well, it turns out 13 year old me wasn't strong enough to plunge a knife into my chest. All I got was a gnarly scar that I managed to hide from my parents.

#2
14 years old
This was one that I thought was gonna work. My mum got sick the week before and got some painkillers from the doctor. She ended up not using them. I checked how many it would take to kill me, and I took like 20. I don't know why, maybe it was a different brand or something but it didn't work. I just told my mum I had a super bad stomach ache and slept in for a week. Every time I shut my eyes I was hoping that they wouldn't open back up.

#3
15 years old
At this point I was more mad that I wasn't able to do it. Sitting in the garage I spotted a lump of rope out of the corner of my eye. I was home alone for a while so I wasn't worried about anyone walking in on me. After a quick google search I had my noose ready. After finding a good pipe to throw it around I got everything ready. I got on the stool and kicked it off. It was working for a solid 15 seconds and I passed out. Then I woke up on the floor. The pipe broke. I wasn't dead and now I have to explain why theres a broken pipe in the garage.

I just needed to tell someone. I don't know if anyone will read this. I don't know if I'm happy or sad about it. I'm just telling you guys what I've tried

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suicidewatch,jmna2121,2019/01/13,"I was doing so damn well. I hate this man. I hate where my life is going and I hate the ptsd, ocd, depression, anxiety. It’s driving me mad. I took two bars of Xanax last night and loved feeling numb. I have access to Percocet so I’m probably gonna take those too. I’m just gonna pop some pills then go swimming in the ocean and hope I don’t make it back to shore. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to exist anymore. I hate this I hate this I hate this. If heaven is real at least I’ll see my dogs and my grandma soon, shit I’ll even see an old friend of mine too. I’m so so so done. I can’t stay strong much longer. I can’t. ",-2.3858949096880124,-0.6215239999999973,0.4490640394088672,104.14114942528738,99.34482758620688,3.8653530377668313,13.111658456486044,5.622346879071545,-1.3134203612479474,480,9,130,4,21,164,88,145,0.255,0.6,0.145,-0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,13,17,9,0,3,0,11,7,1,1,0,14,34,12,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,1,2,0,5,5,11,1,1,3,3,19,6,8,29,3,15,1,1,2,1,3,3,2,3,6,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704667327239637,0.0,0.1258098915346701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754662537213818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926334189875796,0.0,0.13165945821018712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982064833684906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378907420683028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414364640741638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801083307584174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419361620864765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7514811061754749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599946234810486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340689464190664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960415764804486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144950653205328,0.0,0.08467926766854983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932558515569196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904843737791555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311702346287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677529684529932,0.0,0.1482912073635169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439314460920852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218015848018164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021878685024826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521465534171273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538206766736536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094485045601196,0.0,0.0,0.1239226634578118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964927344496667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406134157964427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,junoisorange,2019/01/13,"I'm most likely going to kill myself tonight Just dont know how I'm gonna tell my girlfriend goodbye. Think I might write her something.

I've got pills and over a liter of vodka. I'm ready to go.",-0.15209302325581575,1.953626348837212,1.4849302325581384,99.7339069767442,87.83720930232559,3.44,17.902325581395353,3.1291,-0.9682427906976744,155,4,36,0,5,50,36,43,0.117,0.821,0.062,-0.4939,0,0,2,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,11,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153364670589251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028102144184213,0.0,0.28343398064974323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920743887382587,0.0,0.19476067475291264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313456295958038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759463791590551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728228120512859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097480254165873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270755364421561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarvelsSeeker,2019/01/13,"I Think It’s Brave             i think it’s brave that you get up in the morning even if tour soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest.

             i think it’s brave that you keep on living even if you don’t know how to anymore.

             i think it’s brave that you push away the waves rolling in everyday and you decide to fight.

              i know there are days when you feel like giving up but i think it’s brave that you never do.

-Lana Rafaela",0.2399511599511613,2.0139943626373618,1.1906959706959732,104.5348595848596,83.39560439560441,4.484004884004884,15.605616605616605,5.033348758259628,-1.2776090354090353,321,5,84,1,9,99,52,91,0.057,0.7559999999999999,0.187,0.8934,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,8,0,0,6,7,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,17,15,7,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,14,6,9,15,1,11,1,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,5,51,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252614296243955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108137941353008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470749712368633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640371322474895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345402222730193,0.16029817983974454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723006646025345,0.21524716912412967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994405762148927,0.0,0.0,0.2466283954115764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962146107569716,0.0,0.1981329647374742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305683620289264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7188729868208978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pulpheroe,2019/01/13,"Suicide Squad I have gotten this recurring idea that if SOMEHOW we would get together (All suicidal from this group) form a club, a fraternity... we could actually help each other out, we could achieve great things.... Trade stuff between us, do jobs together. And even make a difference, a change in this world... Change our lifes completely, move from place to place, share our things, our belongings... be a family.",7.163521126760564,8.947580845070425,6.2353239436619745,75.65016901408453,64.49295774647888,11.31380281690141,32.50985915492957,11.20814326018867,4.020225915492958,324,13,56,10,5,98,55,71,0.115,0.769,0.115,-0.25,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,7,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,14,9,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,6,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,1,40,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.17265682033390148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743340606651595,0.0,0.1855063020413952,0.0,0.0,0.2825262280173377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485276070622272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685969126886644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679256584444324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243790656283883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950644388666378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859153099820804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997308871141569,0.0,0.0,0.1755743644503368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496992356437545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810123420379998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804713311634894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697055214124455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025409512125299,0.3870624084451215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508703967808264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282335689182308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568502221459302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dwbstx,2019/01/13,"Death I just wish I was strong enough to end it all, just to weak to do anything about it ",4.8195000000000014,3.0053179500000016,4.600000000000001,97.70500000000004,69.5,8.0,25.0,3.1291,0.010999999999999677,69,1,19,0,1,21,15,20,0.254,0.522,0.224,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193043726931001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512972917326333,0.5264864686152873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5859407784752998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoresMutual,2019/01/13,I'm ready to die I cant figure out why I havnt done it yet fuck life,-3.0616666666666674,-1.7753849444444434,0.3755555555555557,108.40000000000002,92.88888888888887,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.458533333333333,53,0,17,0,2,19,16,18,0.354,0.526,0.12,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009491977503966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939527362474663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462330561138754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409335834971179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355467218358552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,robottothroway,2019/01/13,"Why can't I honestly talk about this with others? I am going to kill myself and I wish that I could talk it over with someone. It isn’t that I’m looking to be talked out of it, but it’s more that this is a big step to make and it should be talked about. I talk about everything so why not this? Society tells me that I shouldn’t do it, but that’s just strange. It is my life and I’m tired of it. 

I’m 43 years old. I have a plan to kill myself on my birthday because then folks could think about me just once a year. Not like my brother who committed suicide in February and then has/d a birthday in August. So then everyone gets maudlin twice a year. Or at least they used to. It’s been 22 years since then, so it’s mostly just a faint sensation of “oh shit, the anniversary of his death was last month. I forgot.” Then feel bad for a bit. 

The idea of dying has been in my head now for 30 years. Wow. It’s been such a long time, so much pain and struggle. So many “goals” that I made to keep myself going.. “Make it out of home school and you’ll be better.” “Make friends...” “Get a girlfriend...” “Exercise...” “Make it out of high school...” “Join the military...” “See the world...” “Just keep trying...” 

Oh sure, I’ve had an interesting life. I’ve seen and done things that most folks only dream about. I’ve worked on myself with so many tools that it should have gotten better. But now, here I am just broken. On disability for half dozen years. Years of different types of therapy. Years of different medications. Currently taking 14 prescribed pills just to make it through the day. Still, I’m tired. Too tired to change. So I’ve waited. Separating myself to limit the number of people who see me daily. Limiting the amount of contact with others. Waiting for those that know me the most to develop their own families and social supports. Waiting to have enough money saved to cover the costs of a funeral. Because dying isn’t cheap. 

The VA will cover headstones and burial plot, and I think I’ll donate my body to a school or to science. But there is still the cost of closing up my life, the downtime for my sister, and the travel costs for family and friends to have a memorial. So I won’t just leave everyone in a lurch like others who commit suicide. I will make a plan, cover all the bases, and then follow through. Sure, I’m the least likely person to do this properly; but at least my death can be organized- even if the rest of my life was a mess. 

Which leaves me, here, alone, typing to the voice in my head and ensuring that everything makes sense. 

My life hasn’t been extraordinarily difficult. It’s just that I am a person who was too weak to handle what came along.  The religious upbringing may have screwed up my ability to think, but I gave that up years ago and I’m still too weak to shake the limits it placed on me. I should be stronger, I should understand what is real and what is make-believe; but I just can’t. So I’ve struggled. It’s like treading water in the ocean. Perhaps at times I’ve gathered the energy to ride a different current, but I’m still just moving enough to keep my head above water. Which still means that I’ve done that for decades. Not too shabby. 

But now I’m tired of struggling. I get little pleasure in what I try. So I enjoy the little things that keep me going because I know that there is an end point. I have a date. I have a time. I have a method. And I am writing that note that others can read. Perhaps to find comfort in the idea that I can finally be at rest. I will no longer drag others down with me. It’s just me. Imagine me at peace, and don’t fear for me. Don’t feel guilty about what you could have done to prevent this. There was simply nothing you could do. This is not me in some mood. This is me at my most lucid, planning over the long term. Finally being in a place where I know that I will not harm others, nor bring anymore harm to myself. 

How often have I brought pain into my life just to feel something more. How often has that pain brought some relief. And now, I know how to bring relief without more harm. I will drift to sleep watching the sun one last time. 

Now I just have to wait for a couple more months for preparations to be finished. What did I forget?",1.6890517523747128,3.890140021126765,2.774425155584669,92.81674254831314,80.71361502347419,5.840724969974889,20.470357025876183,7.025160622230231,0.3579958074025549,3286,90,704,40,86,1047,325,852,0.153,0.742,0.105,-0.9942,6,1,2,0,0,5,123.0,0,3,2,10,56,41,4,5,49,0,76,28,6,12,5,131,135,51,10,11,31,2,3,4,3,13,19,1,1,2,68,31,2,13,16,4,6,15,17,20,0,4,21,9,75,20,101,89,23,102,0,0,5,1,28,40,2,12,51,486,143,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459562740469976,0.0,0.0,0.05369439363782212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141497714339037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043287288257092715,0.09481023671443528,0.0,0.0,0.0584100482775167,0.0,0.0917030035394948,0.056599846280884575,0.05758661584141279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059295332537289726,0.0,0.0,0.05484371510170279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557176689301187,0.057364020617764966,0.0,0.03343486997996182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761106224660384,0.1624967622650358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916218316919434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591809227296314,0.10713671315654902,0.0,0.03424224663624987,0.0,0.0,0.0990776723454042,0.09318747239922533,0.0,0.0977471720954303,0.05833852775288195,0.07864113243485774,0.0,0.0,0.11358438474532008,0.04738416346043677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010856190922581,0.0,0.0812585133683295,0.0,0.08839183538538446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961964757048874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477567025381557,0.05200341525236033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705035711081052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432409839205524,0.11471465084606193,0.0,0.11396767268947434,0.08451900020941462,0.0,0.109789894698762,0.0,0.0,0.21971224970768213,0.1013127687488542,0.10392192867831557,0.0,0.09176001040743108,0.04353561489541973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905572197674305,0.27684835006778336,0.10512266244890008,0.0,0.05647294118766333,0.0,0.052227030406997256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276222513106249,0.05510160296928013,0.03811105325502258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049745387321577635,0.0,0.0544011971972331,0.055211802931849366,0.03513060384806524,0.03942943747082284,0.16549591955456264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035941864182333964,0.09053576354068288,0.1083311748433572,0.0,0.04900901341181798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185768683722647,0.05900943192291724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740564668366774,0.08262536514659463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053216769109927314,0.04288560897945518,0.0,0.05188109807652151,0.052848079697147214,0.04392696251272425,0.03991178017011098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070120580746856,0.0,0.0,0.1625947409336004,0.0,0.1134170928374668,0.05883156782371799,0.09772406674681064,0.0,0.03897997819714727,0.20834983930200587,0.04531364150087578,0.0,0.059287740236082326,0.0,0.06888524440067048,0.09965796654994168,0.0,0.0,0.12092181373291105,0.2383466297989337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703968802734497,0.0,0.0,0.053971075517577474,0.0,0.04477627422960773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356167372911092,0.0,0.05961764722590102,0.04997543550262176,0.0,0.03774279990189643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004705393239245
suicidewatch,SanjeethRao,2019/01/13,"To anyone who is considering suicide I'll be honest... I've been having suicidal thoughts ever since I became a teenager. So I think I'm qualified to give this advice.
Despite what people might say suicide is always an option. That's the unfortunate reality. It's the ultimate form of pulling the plug so to speak. And people should realize that.
With that being said...
To the people who are considering suicide I want you to answer these questions...
1. Have you lost all hope in life? 
2. Do you think that there is no way your life will get better?
3. Can you realistically imagine yourself living a life 10 years in the future?
If your answer to the above question is yes, yes and no respectively I'll say this... I respect your decision to take your own life and you did well coming this far so enjoy the rest you will achieve. I won't stop you from killing yourself because ultimately it is your decision. I respect you.
But I ask the you to also consider this...
Probability... There is always a chance that you will be happy tommorow. At the same time there is also a chance that your life will get worse. It is never a hundred percent in either case. If you decide to die... Well that's it then. You will neither be happy or sad or feel anything. But if you decide to live you will have the opportunity to see whether you life gets better or worse. We are all gonna die anyways so I recommend you see what can happen because life can be a dick but sometimes it's nice.

I might add stuff later and would really appreciate if you could talk to me because you don't know me but we have similar suicidal thoughts/depression so...
Also to those who are curious...
I haven't killed myself yet because
1. I'm lazy
2. I'm a sadist and curious to see just how worse life can get because every time I think life can't get worse it genuinely surprises me with it's creativity.
3. If I do manage to miraculously live a good life in the future I feel like these feelings, thoughts and experiences will help me a lot.
",2.346686784469888,4.819007099489799,4.032658038825286,83.1795893479343,80.04591836734693,6.783573917371827,24.86709805873569,7.933642134475585,1.6210696117471373,1581,60,302,29,41,528,180,392,0.116,0.726,0.158,0.8901,0,0,0,0,0,3,57.0,2,24,0,5,18,21,2,0,21,2,44,11,1,1,4,62,74,29,9,10,15,0,3,1,0,13,10,4,0,0,27,12,0,1,19,0,0,2,8,4,2,0,6,10,44,17,24,49,10,20,0,2,3,1,39,6,1,15,12,210,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834902665237108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678039478613833,0.11639897477833308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890687132237138,0.0,0.057558423430787126,0.0,0.06538873338143747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318781069973336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237205806250132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060251055816734025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584504962885544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024315772716275,0.0,0.14518284667841114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632688701484639,0.05893131894128595,0.0,0.0,0.06841921312953651,0.0,0.0,0.10609823223138848,0.04996841650629874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827157611459864,0.067097207275522,0.0,0.058666188840930826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185175438791346,0.14891459589197326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688237251906014,0.0,0.0,0.06947074244542092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476661244533796,0.0,0.03843970778871642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940392000093203,0.034171385043396015,0.0,0.18528701664973984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763527632343813,0.05946437422260275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484002761587675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394556618979409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547227900126275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541207909113512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567078573363385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0448082841198866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653330550916847,0.11124546270225333,0.0,0.0,0.1672103053727318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785887308598733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917697059297151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847679444657058,0.0,0.0,0.08006980131873072,0.3825400487730231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258961374394242,0.05621879785097904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445297328954706,0.0,0.1110563552202134,0.08157048530489097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412551210096335,0.05551874592831645,0.0,0.0,0.12577714120663205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851179792768914,0.04968661743324601,0.0,0.0,0.04504201141006306
suicidewatch,JuicyThot,2019/01/13,"School is taking a toll on me emotionally. Hi. I am a 14-year-old teenager in Freshman year of High School. School so far has been tough and my teachers have had no mercy with our classwork and homework. It's like non-stop for me and my brain. I got to sleep each night almost around 12:30 to 2:00 in the morning. I want to spend more time with my friends and my family but the work is just nonstop. It's almost like my teachers don't think that we have lives too. Now, I know that the majority of you are going to say ""That is just life and you have to deal with it"" or ""It will all be over soon"". But that is not going to help me. I barely even see my family anymore because I am always locked up in my room doing homework or studying. I barely have any friends and I sometimes think of suicide. I really don't like the constant work. I feel like dropping out of high school or some shit like that in the near future. I try to relax on the weekends but guess what? **I HAVE HOMEWORK.** My mother is sad that she never sees me anymore and always waits for me to come down from my room that she calls ""The Hellhole"". I would really like some advice on how to not have extreme anxiety. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",1.9593026086956515,3.891158252000004,2.99793043478261,92.92879130434784,78.48,5.4678260869565225,21.669565217391305,6.280692351149826,0.2035513043478261,953,27,205,7,23,304,134,250,0.078,0.787,0.134,0.8988,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,2,3,0,2,9,13,1,0,10,0,23,4,3,1,2,40,39,15,1,2,10,1,1,6,2,2,1,1,5,0,13,15,0,1,4,3,1,3,6,3,0,0,3,4,34,10,34,33,6,32,0,1,2,0,15,18,1,8,16,144,47,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494855644895608,0.0,0.0,0.2150881378721638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872828587970424,0.0,0.0,0.07303465257464324,0.0,0.08215954697654879,0.0,0.21302087634975764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560742135115438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546911955087563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989222794620916,0.10966586094086177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925142850190443,0.0,0.11605960815290545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072312206762427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208088400578494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093568636912449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024914666635802,0.0,0.05430390092265271,0.07672549906304071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595160602163034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207406792152785,0.0,0.08589637940304289,0.0,0.11831153931610568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198694055735881,0.2269447917397969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902339858128078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075858726026754,0.31481684885484323,0.0,0.0948348297873398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283233245201015,0.0,0.0,0.10078620269426224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126966435199548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742754844302588,0.0,0.13760443902893954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540758584228246,0.0,0.4347720017514488,0.17116537505364804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024300137957717,0.0,0.0,0.1074760467891124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621984772613274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897899423519737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747651098773708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615005894584593,0.0,0.0,0.09887809544313136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763322511063636,0.0,0.0,0.12524984042756832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291652141708199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633464089855892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637475221612746,0.0,0.0,0.07629280225119063,0.0,0.0,0.13832220614013793
suicidewatch,llightningmcqueen,2019/01/13,"boyfriend left me two days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. i pretended it was mutual, it was not. it’s all my fault. he was my only and best friend, although we agreed to stay friends, i have nothing. i was severely depressed before this, and now i can barely stand up. i cant eat without gagging, i’m hysterically crying and if not, i’m sleeping. i didn’t think things could get worse, but every day it does. i would kill myself but i cant let my ex boyfriend take the blame. i’m so sick of living like this and i am done. i do not want a future no matter how good it is. i don’t want time to fix this i don’t want anything, i don’t even want him back because the pain of losing him again is too hard to even think about. i’m heartbroken. i’m tired and i’m done. i take 4 sleeping pills a day so i sleep through half the day, but i can never sleep at night. i didn’t know it was psychically possible to be this miserable. i’m so sick and TIRED of this. i just want it to end, i’m so tired of living. ",-0.4036986301369865,1.6024958812785428,1.781651141552512,97.89154520547943,87.9041095890411,4.9651872146118725,18.34904109589041,6.360717304075467,-0.2967663561643836,774,21,190,8,25,259,115,219,0.28,0.627,0.093,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,0,2,13,12,1,1,5,0,25,12,4,1,2,31,44,16,1,8,9,1,1,1,2,1,7,0,0,0,13,8,1,0,3,1,0,0,13,7,0,2,9,1,28,5,16,31,2,19,0,4,0,0,7,4,0,1,14,119,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461735518998488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783679770933317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207541783152811,0.0,0.06506687809142453,0.0,0.09082671239640606,0.0,0.1120156068583587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852221105954355,0.0,0.11724737291500202,0.2753503441458121,0.0,0.09193382555057733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340769434815192,0.2184613545524072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922026574361232,0.0,0.0,0.0945387444115761,0.0,0.0,0.14099971678173018,0.0,0.08993189931295413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493200141013836,0.0,0.05576652866243166,0.0,0.0,0.08952729860286779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561684681113934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809047937064047,0.0,0.05866075955161354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597183372882625,0.10914748086390742,0.0,0.052147103005935516,0.0,0.18850433153599067,0.0,0.0,0.11941322420429737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232341162760004,0.0,0.0,0.10016697351350673,0.0,0.10241859417183506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117953788644616,0.1135774278754164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203317674689714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058426987454884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272628611564632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376917747568695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050833183758967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091240284342604,0.13678760828063696,0.0,0.0,0.06224015347982456,0.36804105964332784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426813170925793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147860471677693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028922302728471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877578283199894,0.07582406021931888,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nillend,2019/01/13,"It would be so liberating to die To just let go, close my eyes, let the darkness take me and void consume me. All senses shut down and not existing.

Instead I have to wake up every morning, only to suffer what failure and disappointment I am. Life is not worth living for me. The few nice things that happen do not excuse the overwhelming majority of my time when I just feel hopeless, tired and done with.

I have way better life than most people that posted here and still I just want to die. 

I have no ambition, drive or other desires. For all the help I get and work I put in trying to get better, the desire to end it all is as strong as ever. 

I feel like no activity, person or relationship is worth investing time and effort to receive back that little comfort that may prolong my life. They never last and they always end in dissapointment. 

I wish there would have been a painless way to die. To just shut down forever. Death cannot be that worse than how I feel now: empty and dark. 

OK, that was my venting for the day. 
Love you guys. 
",3.701371951219513,5.265937878048786,4.7756554878048805,83.64397103658541,72.65853658536584,7.271341463414633,24.03201219512195,7.8658589789855275,1.1925670731707312,815,23,161,11,16,267,124,205,0.184,0.6609999999999999,0.155,-0.8048,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,2,5,14,12,0,1,7,1,20,7,2,1,5,37,31,16,4,6,9,0,3,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,11,11,0,0,3,0,3,4,7,4,0,0,3,4,21,8,24,21,6,28,0,4,1,1,10,9,0,4,13,119,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029992738026374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019298922040975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344757947287901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548975941479292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127267652309998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565415144151818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348163258032424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990744413508216,0.11168689779314032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010778416662632,0.0947003652299772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851348930872792,0.0,0.07533648499164013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125451304870894,0.11722172004213703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885168093816195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805349322746104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27110165876080905,0.2808915868261155,0.06476176093384639,0.13285920785627373,0.11705225937995845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963991190367099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223787700111413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081729419798736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918999034154582,0.11574563693781707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695513287330018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325867419676984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423190414305376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586200006982184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966806989424996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806648529771338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459274658795566,0.15235737458414986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999903935226954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818688884661212,0.21043874847861654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243661247293105,0.0,0.0,0.09650472351732116,0.0,0.13508921564360118,0.18833259674648367,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moon_titties,2019/01/13,"I already wrote my suicide note. I just wrote it and put in in an envelope. I can't really believe it but I really did it. I have been thinking about killing myself for a while now but always said I wouldn't do it. Right now, I am planning it and I'm going to do it soon.
I will, however, go to my therapist and try to see if there is any last hope. She is the only one I can talk to besides my brother who I haven't spoken to in a year. He is also suicidal and he will understand me.
My parents will probably say that it's bullshit because I 'always seem so happy'. It hurts when they say that. I have told them multiple times that I know that I'll die from suicide and I won't make my 20's but I don't think they know I'm actually suicidal.
I'll update this post on Wednesday after I went to my therapist or I'll make a new post and link this one.
Have a nice day, everyone.",1.2826767015706828,2.623396780104713,3.8928501308900536,88.41477257853407,78.58115183246073,7.4975130890052375,24.50294502617801,8.278499904357787,1.3969185863874345,679,24,156,13,16,240,107,191,0.214,0.748,0.038,-0.9913,2,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,3,1,9,5,1,0,6,0,20,0,0,2,0,25,39,15,6,3,6,2,0,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,15,6,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,2,0,2,7,4,28,3,14,27,0,24,0,1,1,0,16,5,0,4,13,105,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.11824147019316815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371074859215815,0.0968971706751239,0.20164122720442545,0.0,0.0,0.08239768484945917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386225154711726,0.0,0.0,0.13651366650674118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781426625168133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257521701931523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578021864117274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377239464048845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898447740408264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034612665767888,0.0,0.0,0.12971173208231812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405328407393624,0.0,0.1331803800962531,0.09876724081147904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175976757685068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702380082788265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642117299787005,0.09215292978129956,0.0,0.0,0.1345415651321964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23208889978882896,0.0,0.13063847171276127,0.0,0.0,0.12180625698888435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552453089224347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347591809957432,0.11525752179849065,0.1927136528730149,0.0,0.0,0.09655437613258794,0.11030584573192123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301479332533879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738940924709122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28136834895682994,0.0,0.1552777853757906,0.0,0.0,0.07065342625165652,0.0,0.0,0.11578021864117274,0.0,0.0822644092939729,0.0,0.0,0.1261390740375871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232298182847007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802754683859524
suicidewatch,imhidingthisaccount,2019/01/13,"Love my mum ❤️❤️❤️ So things are pretty spotty lately and I’ve really wanted to kill myself for about 5-6 months. Now after having fun with my friends irl and then online my mum and dad together screamed at me for about 20 mins and said that I will not be able to play online when we move to another place pretty soon. I thought things were bad. THEY JUST TOLD ME THINGS GET SHITTIER. THANK MY PARENTS FOR FINALLY CONVINCING ME TO KILL MYSELF! ❤️❤️
GODBYE WORLD!! Maybe tomorrow tho",1.0682358235823557,3.3318960396039614,2.9453645364536456,90.29961296129616,83.65346534653466,6.445004500450046,19.082808280828086,7.686295010490155,0.6629722772277225,384,10,81,7,11,128,70,101,0.162,0.615,0.222,0.7536,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,12,8,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,13,6,12,6,0,14,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,10,46,17,0,0.1853227560576456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943270683152106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473676037144216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030120207563992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317990161716407,0.0,0.09682349112543916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100643434542765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090521409240989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726102282550026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618161753133045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792285580298756,0.1969687609928488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577898913247009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362283614227951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770797352881453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872250299090573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762843794949381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062029488036193,0.0,0.0,0.3693606131890785,0.0,0.0,0.14712556755704045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708383524531662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930816306984234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NuggaBugga,2019/01/13,"Just off the phone to a mental health hotline and was basically told to get on with it End me, please.",1.7628571428571431,3.7807921904761934,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.47619047619048,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.2344095238095241,80,2,18,1,2,26,20,21,0.0,0.892,0.108,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38396857091872205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264954379168791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608097192751197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368845184080504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758729501645002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142453483723889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dice125,2019/01/13,"it only gets worse Depression since 12, drugs since 14 and soon turning 17 years old.  In the past couple of years ive been starting to realize how fucked up this world is. Im really sorry to everyone ive hurt. I cant believe how happy i was before, now im just alone, thinking about drugs and suicide. Wish i had friends who i would get along  and asked me how i feel. Is everyone just ''fake''?  You know how people ask you how youre doing and you start explaining them how you just want to kill yourself and then couple days later no texts from them and it just feels like you never told them anything.",2.930901639344264,4.570480614754097,3.7729180327868868,89.74216393442623,74.81967213114754,6.847213114754098,22.85573770491804,7.554174236665415,0.845003934426229,473,13,99,6,10,151,83,122,0.234,0.6970000000000001,0.069,-0.975,0,1,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,6,3,0,13,8,2,0,1,0,10,3,0,6,1,27,26,13,2,3,4,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,2,17,3,9,21,0,15,0,2,0,1,15,3,1,0,13,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125546953505105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122346176361024,0.0,0.2550062719351422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605502025117333,0.1536610851899784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018185370128858,0.0,0.08795812631239262,0.0,0.11746964857072448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31633050031047416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606466370025604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379224078374939,0.09743467221977822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537201148589384,0.12608728895907365,0.142512823430395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451861581169594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600476291988315,0.0,0.2946420392915093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089165525463566,0.0,0.07495455310547054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663164322166237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518981642634954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311487909142076,0.0,0.0,0.1037282167857613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019651957201828,0.09455335198094887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087372800284786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256409439521981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267372333466248,0.1930703897033056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491848926548997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873910781876271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032331850128018,0.0,0.0,0.14834954460109356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044439816207159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683795236189682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898967986761995,0.09688518511903592,0.0,0.0,0.17565710201386092
suicidewatch,skitzzxo,2019/01/13,"Cousin tried to kill herself and was very close in doing so. Not sure if there is anything I can do to help her? I found out yesterday that my cousin tried to take her own life. I was very close with her growing up and still am. Everything in her life situationally seems fine and we talk a bunch and she has not mentioned anything being up lately. She is a very attractive young girl and very kind and fun to be around. My family and her family are fairly conservative and religious and look down upon things like mental illness and never are comfortable with topics such as suicide. She’s in extremely bad condition in the hospital right now and we aren’t even sure she’s going to make it with the physical damage she’s done to herself with the attempt. Her parents are lying to everyone about what happened and are saying this is just some physical medical thing that randomly happened, but very close family was told the truth so I got the real story. We are being advised from therapists what we can and shouldn’t say to her and one thing that’s important is that we don’t ask her why she did it. What are some ways I can help her?? I’m torn that this would happen and I can’t imagine what I would be feeling if she didn’t make it. She was found just in time to survive, but is in horrible shape physically. I want to be there for her but she didn’t even mention she was feeling anything wrong or anything like that. How can I help?? ",4.634157894736841,5.7660859859649145,5.286798245614037,82.5396710526316,69.84210526315789,8.787719298245614,27.934210526315788,9.120678840339163,2.1716,1146,39,227,22,20,370,139,285,0.102,0.784,0.115,-0.267,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,5,0,0,2,14,14,1,0,7,0,39,4,0,3,4,61,57,25,2,6,10,3,2,2,0,3,4,2,0,1,18,29,0,1,6,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,13,5,38,10,30,36,4,27,0,1,1,0,42,17,0,7,9,173,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281662064497855,0.08875083452646078,0.09320257270487116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324223744445658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202391800613107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316969179587872,0.0,0.0,0.0952640770407793,0.08960059657969026,0.0,0.2819543670915474,0.0,0.10081887905387964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186236712425748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665969884431276,0.0,0.07973623017005999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644832987497429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047296410202303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029917313567424,0.10381834387174027,0.0,0.0,0.11246175705955584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083687533545802,0.09741314242485023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371977405679018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309609483722049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043352312432673,0.10047041103315953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689192457025071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755678594878542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070093126756904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347620378564872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514008653113532,0.0,0.1585649819076808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075975766137677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120628065474901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961758560514626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905155938810096,0.0,0.18792514605816255,0.0,0.0749592023735746,0.08013210109945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575507624032247,0.19870135442870387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058133708163851223,0.0,0.0,0.0952640770407793,0.0,0.13537447271512346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112993995299764,0.058803454609202825,0.07913427415212962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899603945389591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164276731795064,0.10900224202017696,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreezerburnedPierogi,2019/01/13,"She crushed my soul and I don't see a future for myself I was alone for so many years. I had never known what it was like to be loved romantically. I liked her for a long time, and eventually my dreams came true and she was mine. She was a dream. Beautiful, charismatic, understood me, did so much for me. She accepted my social anxiety and depression. She said we were going to get married. I moved in with her and we had a beautiful life together. After so many years of being depressed and suicidal, I finally felt like i was alive. I gave her everything a man could possibly give. I was going to go back to school and we were going to have a beautiful future.Then our arguments got bad. I put myself in the hospital to try to get help and change myself because I was desperate to save what we had. She told me everything was going to be okay, that she'd never leave me and we were going to get married when I got out. Then, on my last day in there she broke up with me. The next day I went to get my things from our apartment and she was with another man. She was so resentful towards me, like she never even loved me. She told me ""if you had only waited to come back over, we could have worked through this. I wanted to marry you"". Now she is hooking up with every guy in the area. I don't know how I can possibly recover from this. I will never feel love like that again, and it all slipped away so quickly. ",1.698031358885018,3.7871845261324064,3.4555836236933786,88.54414198606274,80.04529616724739,7.305574912891988,22.096689895470387,8.306716005460428,1.2598801393728225,1097,34,234,23,28,366,142,287,0.114,0.71,0.175,0.9484,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,8,2,0,1,14,17,1,0,9,1,31,4,0,1,6,43,61,20,1,4,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,3,9,24,0,1,6,2,0,11,6,5,0,0,28,4,60,12,37,26,2,46,1,3,1,3,39,13,0,1,27,178,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465156181319588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595390089142297,0.0772987166181195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493457337023437,0.15539386766057225,0.08436788304788294,0.06159575004527978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556791571418655,0.0,0.0,0.1068916147884066,0.0870408341328398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135151943795092,0.0,0.0,0.13033060345277656,0.0,0.17405884853928574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673889670209432,0.0,0.0851342949541029,0.0,0.1816244465629572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109110265513901,0.0,0.09701850400290198,0.11068924012222836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116618845967247,0.09693102983970343,0.3445552877274506,0.0,0.16162893137406134,0.0,0.0,0.10004987736916304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677279552178762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553137923307948,0.08236470118711475,0.0,0.1069914675732409,0.0,0.0,0.07137067306161453,0.246826036268858,0.0,0.0,0.08942114577087408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735896443418521,0.0,0.0,0.20488639617469395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073942439510839,0.07427928644443421,0.0,0.3117267915244658,0.0,0.1074619035220328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684884646561632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278248377342187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157756637911823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611639714244936,0.0,0.0,0.10226236327249497,0.08051933285904457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300207720827943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052621230638557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712943311213704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058919822941810834,0.0,0.0,0.19310457664725367,0.0,0.06860253900142457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959862605316237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366920406743233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356155250730206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013860723296755
suicidewatch,singingJoJo,2019/01/13,"End of my rope Everything keeps falling apart more and more. I have no real friends, and my family won't even talk to me anymore. I just kept pushing to talk to with my mother and at long last she changed her email, the last source of contact I had with her. Even my therapist doesn't seem to like me and won't talk to me when I need him. I just needed a place to vent these frustrations and how close I am to ending it all. I want to end my life but I cant seem to work up the courage. I'd give anything to have the strength to just do it, but I cant. I will continue trying though and looking for a way out",1.9351879699248118,2.8414281203007548,3.2601578947368424,95.37760526315792,76.06766917293233,6.823759398496243,23.82631578947369,7.1686216300943375,0.5648502255639101,472,14,117,5,10,154,79,133,0.053,0.853,0.094,0.8023,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,1,25,20,11,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,10,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,2,1,22,4,19,15,3,17,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,2,9,80,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989362763655726,0.0,0.0,0.1326758899193505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055653912323895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42839717659690296,0.0,0.0,0.21297751500798026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490022013079085,0.0,0.15199024492382188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456339844994448,0.0,0.0,0.1546634038211227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330575636817244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628426637244073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387923193396644,0.07876725334322364,0.0,0.0,0.14268061322962716,0.1353898763312331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909520622364624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844765372088946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835113552343696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935495826181069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887638988606352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719670034296534,0.0,0.0,0.15840447770314375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946239001358073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509572304852072,0.1279743013132243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737500488708713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Chirp,2019/01/13,"I feel too scared to tell my counsellor anything important but I’m just getting worse I’m 16 therefore if I tell my counsellor anything regarding self harm, suicidal thoughts or past sexual abuse she’ll immediately have to get my guardians (parents) involved and I hate the thought of them knowing anything. They’re unsupportive when it comes to mental health and are somewhere close to being narcissists; if I ever went to seek help for suicidal thoughts (which has happened in the past) they’d ghost me, ground me, don’t let me get involved with any family gatherings or such for a couple of weeks-months and refuse to talk to me about it or help me out (besides telling me I’m crazy). I don’t know what to do anymore.",8.371050420168068,7.752156441176474,7.604789915966386,75.14441176470591,61.79411764705882,11.300840336134454,40.01680672268908,10.608840637214634,4.178383613445378,580,28,107,12,7,180,90,136,0.254,0.6920000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9886,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,3,0,10,1,0,1,1,23,26,10,3,2,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,1,17,0,16,18,0,10,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,5,4,62,21,0,0.0,0.1662909892026623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544234756706907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139188808345711,0.0,0.0,0.3464865852451069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208985082345981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529384851106434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695399134422022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230884422239894,0.0,0.0709648311232871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199801744954349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411043650316628,0.0,0.0,0.13856589280191392,0.0,0.1491847597279705,0.0,0.0,0.1881463759670371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426462708854116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351668442265528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143909987424205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202548490788287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584130603942367,0.0,0.26795860568659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405141493107286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146414945489115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307038743867482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128074637496738,0.36801446462117904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33426503886342745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010522190069507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302794323757514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,s7v7nsilver,2019/01/13,"Knowing that I can't go back I am distressed that I have made certain decisions and certain attitudes, acts that I have committed that have already happened, and I can not reverse them. Now I feel really bad because I've done worse than I ever did. With each passing day I regret the past and the present. I often cry out of repentance, thinking about what my life would be like if I had been judgmental and had not done certain things.

sorry for my english ",5.439128787878786,6.569899806818185,5.684545454545457,80.43015151515155,67.97727272727272,8.593939393939394,35.12121212121212,8.841846274778883,3.0970393939393936,365,18,66,6,6,116,63,88,0.182,0.7,0.117,-0.7902,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,14,1,0,1,5,23,20,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,1,13,4,6,11,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617593463235589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239442171093773,0.19805454965709773,0.14459671257942228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605562949902353,0.15297627509942105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854819321366661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456364231272784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199369352684264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480789900445486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975777935913034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303605342284459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675434537562066,0.11588537649837788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244471602495381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226437049423938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195827938741616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655292749000455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575870955090201,0.1519900682125138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417300640067617,0.16850216521426506,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForwardPromise6,2019/01/13,"People and heartbreak. Kms I just can’t handle people. I feel weird. Feel controlled. Why do assholes exist? Why can’t i be tough like them. Yes, i admit, i am weak and my mind is dictated my people’s behaviour. I am a pussy(wow that hurt my ego to admit). And yes, i hate myself for it too. I have goals, okay? But no, sometimes i’m so overwhelmed by people’s cruel behaviour that i just wanna kms. It’s like a week of depression. You don’t exactly know why it’s happening but you wanna kill yourself, you don’t care about anything. There are times when i want to try to kms. I just can’t deal with this guilt, with this pressure. HOW do i end this. I know maybe times would change, i just feel scared and my ego is hurt due to things i have and haven’t said. Regrets which would seem to last forever, wish i had SPOKEN UP in the moment. I resent it a lot. I just don’t know what to do? The guilt is too much. Wish things were different. Why does evil have to exist? What’s the point of life, really? I am average-looking, average intellect, no social skills(SA). Fml. 

WORD OF ADVICE : NEVER KEEP QUIET WHEN YOU KNOW YOU MUST SPEAK IN THE MOMENT, because regrets are too real. ",0.2777836134453793,2.678152298319329,2.085414915966389,93.35820640756303,91.14285714285714,4.991806722689076,17.941701680672267,6.6274283507984215,0.09607100840336136,909,25,190,12,32,298,123,238,0.237,0.654,0.109,-0.9874,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,5,1,2,14,23,5,5,7,3,27,2,0,2,3,43,46,11,1,10,7,0,3,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,14,7,0,2,10,0,0,0,10,19,0,0,3,6,30,4,20,39,2,15,0,7,0,0,12,4,0,2,13,123,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514553362381925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696693142672293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183020864354323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013910766966868,0.0,0.1246522201101906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132160291187371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148116569066625,0.10148982192473437,0.0,0.0,0.12311092917691895,0.0,0.0,0.10311689097043587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436550723150648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874047612941854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419977596445598,0.0,0.0,0.11633618729482033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522864002607548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473582999333286,0.1303653105976678,0.0,0.25903284259992515,0.09605003050996898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322928665171342,0.11513499337741726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989504638865696,0.0,0.0,0.10017782895860076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837958985943604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189782456617316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662118148208332,0.0,0.09088046033421338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267636524563426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139074579219277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412032140770147,0.07548715817115534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208664324620676,0.0,0.11797189092667887,0.0,0.0,0.10727119398021692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011641535577075,0.0,0.0,0.11654034568655597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656668465025364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741932428908618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000121252402483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950125197144548,0.0,0.09451892705941556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253056280352849,0.0,0.2710054222502508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167411076895422,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lightbulb_smoothie,2019/01/13,"The only thing keeping me away from another attempt is having to answer questions that follow in the emergency room I've ended up in the emergency room many a times since age 10 and 12 years later the worst thing is the questioning/interrogation that happens in the emergency room after an attempt. The drama is too much to handle. Having raised by a single parent and a visiting dad, living together so a family was difficult when I was 15. Life was fine until I started college when I'd to ask for money around 20$ a month for transport. I ended up in the emergency room thrice in 4 years of college and today my all drunk dad and mom snapped up on me. From all I remember, the profound memory from my childhood is in the hospital coz I never went anywhere but school and home. A little update on dad issues, when I was 11, they were talking about me going out and getting icecream for the family, I thought they asked me to, took the cash, got it for them and went to shower. 2 minutes later, I had the icecream being hurled at me by my dad and called me a thief. Maybe I snapped and life was never the same... Since my 10 grade, I've been on scholarship and least money is being spent on my education compared to the boy they compare me to. I'm in my last year of engineering, dropped a couple of job offers(trainings) because they 'couldnt afford ' whereas i know where they're spending all the money! They're investing in jewellery for all I care! Today, they called me a golddigger for being a silent person and having my own life in a room assigned for me. 
PS. I want it to end...",6.170046445158987,6.1574031125401945,7.00814040728832,75.59130314398001,66.10610932475885,9.612075741336193,32.06877456234369,9.2995712137729,2.8099859235441227,1252,46,231,21,18,418,160,311,0.063,0.912,0.025,-0.8543,4,0,0,0,1,1,34.0,0,0,6,2,8,5,0,0,28,0,20,4,0,1,6,30,38,17,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,6,13,1,1,5,2,8,7,3,3,0,0,14,0,34,2,46,20,10,59,0,0,0,0,21,27,0,1,24,164,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633742381682128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725583259697792,0.2252715614220145,0.0,0.11319818647389995,0.0,0.0,0.07344560524260457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460541881884885,0.0,0.12284092783153025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333126683180043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201377800435404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716218619699505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294764048978024,0.0,0.0684735327466575,0.0,0.09636163761912853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654313493409566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085474438997708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257534404645904,0.11956125342505852,0.10709124433454273,0.0,0.0,0.06621456439335413,0.09821010905568944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255303114698448,0.0,0.1207560894412719,0.1063891116849058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215132831375942,0.12104184005289137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110878431430854,0.09616875655975607,0.0,0.0885692137183145,0.0,0.1858485598196243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163310839975254,0.0,0.0,0.1337826355742486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520151905180897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496906073759762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364842850658288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219357043069736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933034344259992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527882044384083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684004964036992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008772815947453,0.0,0.0,0.09565041732937668,0.07025488046768276,0.0,0.2284084842724088,0.0,0.13386156872863952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710642724357508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337876818671204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327622141128719
suicidewatch,Gaystan,2019/01/13,"Scared if I use antidepressants that I won't be able to have sex again! Hello

I have really bad anxiety and depression which is getting worse - my therapist told me to try an antidepressant to help lift my mood and get me back on track - but after reading online I saw that most antidepressants can lead to ED and other sexual disfunction's (some even permanently, even after you stop the medication) - now as much as I want to get help for my depression, one of the things making me depro is ED and PE so I dont want to make that worse!

How common are these side effects and what are my options - if I dont take them I might kill myself and if I take them I can never have sex again!

Additional info

Age 30s

Duration of depression: 6 years",6.5027397260273965,6.0571062260274005,7.449417808219181,74.15919520547949,65.50684931506851,11.409589041095893,29.89383561643836,10.9516,3.0765369863013694,583,17,116,15,8,197,94,146,0.217,0.731,0.052000000000000005,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,2,2,8,7,1,1,3,0,14,3,0,6,1,26,26,14,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,1,21,0,14,21,3,14,0,3,1,2,7,2,0,7,11,83,29,2,0.15244987758047435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662373907539834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172245456900345,0.12728927994405545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393914568519206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573402422737457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138341270573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389463066974237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436787887338187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866320221429432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352295415533345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357721312176886,0.0,0.16172522865849734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206820112938136,0.0,0.11757874382690114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330398248237188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249113268242906,0.0,0.09766329528026883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262892255422644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745492391091948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22924667063831916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770060579442187,0.10128092462681478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567239112412095,0.0,0.10350345980435784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166774669305953,0.0,0.0,0.1798377752741877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107188988238264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981727228962536
suicidewatch,Brolivia_,2019/01/13,"I’m so close I want to walk down to the train tracks two minutes down the road from my house, and attentively sit there until the time comes where I  cease. Taking in the cold desolate air the night brings, the grim streetlights hovering over the painful atmosphere, judging me. 

Last night I told my boyfriend about my plan for suicide and how close I was do initiating it, only for him to respond with “oh okay, if you do it let me know”

I’m so fucking close. ",3.139666666666667,5.2192829111111125,3.3508333333333336,91.07625000000004,75.44444444444444,6.722222222222222,25.69444444444445,7.6454224807358475,1.1931111111111108,362,13,76,5,8,111,64,90,0.119,0.8440000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.8632,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,7,1,4,2,0,1,0,12,13,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,2,1,11,1,13,10,0,19,0,1,0,1,4,10,1,1,5,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22629160024768846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428606411671653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30311893694595754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443722914171114,0.21413443725860096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686271373772929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930497184489422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997941382013024,0.2795298533631848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873496526234603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751666903103984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318167791756473,0.0,0.0,0.2510197891599282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25661838018653266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494645239211094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loneydear,2019/01/13,"Worsening Chronic Illness and No Clear Path to Health Ever since getting Lyme Disease in college, my health has been a disaster. I’ve gone to specialist after specialist, tried herbal treatments, diets, and lifestyle modifications. For the past ten years I’ve had plenty of ups and downs from this illness and am currently on a down. The last two years were pretty great but now my symptoms are getting worse and I’m having such terrible anxiety that I only experienced when I first started getting sick.

A lot of doctors don’t believe chronic Lyme disease even exists so in reality I don’t know for sure what’s wrong with me and therefore don’t know how to treat it, since doctors aren’t helping.

I’ve been researching suicide methods for about a month now and am having trouble getting through every day. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live a life like this. Everyone around me is healthy and I just get so jealous. I feel that if I was just healthy that I could have anything I want in life — I truly believe I could achieve it, but I simply can’t fix my health problems.",6.214681634155319,6.834773655502392,6.3756937799043065,77.98677953625324,66.03349282296651,8.72741994847258,36.651085756348905,8.617729084823388,3.151769672432831,870,43,156,12,13,278,124,209,0.222,0.634,0.14400000000000002,-0.9742,2,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,13,9,1,0,7,0,22,14,0,2,3,31,36,16,2,7,6,0,1,1,0,0,13,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,3,0,0,1,8,5,0,3,6,2,18,4,23,28,1,23,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,15,106,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968358676015197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416725908984058,0.1126859620869832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852320328636601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213290798588632,0.0,0.0,0.08163574773646913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313734663314408,0.0,0.0,0.2591267147913889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360706681384394,0.11450182955413153,0.10665187826147887,0.12095575473679765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400431299229316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076716787236226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306727129866264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955852010429634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036563423389482,0.0,0.0,0.08484610859454482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913372750314842,0.10318227324002642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881903735529284,0.061842199752993786,0.0,0.11177536098051707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761658341301772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103757150779263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096272293347876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120838070040267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287807097540704,0.0,0.12112310961255385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942200512637715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959630161528451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384615699931266,0.0,0.11930324935472678,0.1315685024160681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594174230200377,0.0,0.12365347751535585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398630588765844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899918312660769,0.0,0.13839895227148186,0.0,0.1630309724560651
suicidewatch,baphosam,2019/01/13,Tried last night cause my ex pushed me over the edge. For the first time I don’t blame myself. I let her get in my head and push me over the edge. I was drunk and stupid at the time and we got into a fight about how she never trusted me and always second guessed me. Constantly asking others for the same answer I would give her. As she was yelling at me it clicked in my head that everyone I know does this. Everyone in my fucking life never seemed to believe in me. They use me for rides and used me for weed and when I’m finally quitting the stuff and trying to get better all the so called friends and my ex just don’t wanna put up with me “ your not fun anymore”. I am so tired of being and idiot and letting them get in my head. I’m so fucking tired of feeling like there is no point and I would make everyone’s lives easier by ending it. Yet the moment I try it all fuck you for doing that and saying I made you feel that way it’s not fair to me. Well it’s not fair to me to be picked on and blamed for shit I wasn’t even in the same fucking room when it happened. It’s not fair that I put up with so much bullshit and when I need support you leave in your car cause “I’m not fun anymore”. It’s not fair that I’m always to blame for everything. I blocked so many numbers after I got through my attempt thanks to my Dad stoping me before I could get enough shit down my throat. I tried talking to the people I have left and it’s all just I’m selfish for what I did. I’m to blame for my own actions. I shouldn’t have let those people get in my head. Why do I let people push me and tell me what to think even now. Now as I’m still being told not to let people tell me what to think. I just want to die if I’m always the one at fault and no one else ever has to feel like they ever did anything wrong. ,1.8827763713080152,2.8366961341772168,3.2270253164556983,95.37766877637131,76.26582278481013,5.975527426160338,21.26793248945148,5.888618617440367,-0.08629282700421959,1403,32,339,7,30,458,176,395,0.191,0.75,0.059,-0.9945,0,0,0,0,2,2,21.0,1,5,3,4,26,22,9,0,12,0,26,15,7,8,7,66,65,29,1,8,11,3,3,2,1,3,3,2,1,0,21,21,1,1,8,1,0,8,15,12,1,4,9,6,61,10,52,44,8,51,0,0,1,4,26,21,6,3,23,235,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847923532200152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468323040638964,0.0,0.0,0.060918958743206526,0.0,0.0692064395391979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299260548600151,0.08340451017951822,0.0,0.06547198913329988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559114071364073,0.0,0.0,0.15209485100694045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799982610430354,0.0,0.05910555000595924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682965689338771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478263810485528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061841120637745176,0.0,0.06556707462744173,0.07649099210302361,0.0,0.09778994855725864,0.13392561715795606,0.0,0.2122115537150492,0.06653183587006617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122927531155054,0.10577162202057017,0.0,0.08109435151222003,0.0,0.06296840880030294,0.0,0.0,0.057194057908324075,0.2737517716341306,0.19338357883222,0.07101466228860541,0.0,0.0,0.11841434055305675,0.0,0.08155048562755489,0.0,0.0654629548407128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30389744945690345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068400128606,0.0603429206207508,0.0,0.07838524928540289,0.08043193215762792,0.3784946091543811,0.052288356506298005,0.07233294699810712,0.0,0.06536831883237333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004733917584823,0.04941444518609322,0.07505304676911409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441929638644413,0.05489102433189115,0.11419033132645492,0.0,0.0,0.06947051675419624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032694348538723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528752606562867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998064337446394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883771655868236,0.0,0.07873817765951555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887025172672292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739255686722094,0.0,0.0,0.1519779110560498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059119072194361084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474465825107111,0.0,0.0840064037289804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059501119432061975,0.1294079421360654,0.06815528517274053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486865280545846,0.0,0.0,0.08633295932657603,0.17016921315378333,0.0,0.07073718457168307,0.0,0.20104134444392505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787331392162965,0.0,0.0,0.043663791760279055,0.05876019513892065,0.0,0.0,0.06656030533236319,0.0,0.06679899947930806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517511832634316,0.08093829229257027,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LifeAddiction,2019/01/13,"I can't stand this anymore. This life got enough me. I am so overwhelmed. I hate all the people. I came to a realization that I can't do anything except suicide. I started to hate my parents too. World is siding against me. All people are becoming my enemy. I am a waste of time. I am the black sheep of my family. Including my relatives. All I want to do is just fucking hang myself so people can live a happier life. Since everyone is avoiding me, there's no need to live anymore for me. Living doesn't make sense to me. A pessimistic retarded fuck person, which is me, better off die. I am ending it soon. It's my birthday 2 weeks later and I will be dead already before my birthday. So my parents can live happily. I am burden to everyone. I don't want to carry the responsibility of living anymore. I hate everything. I know, you people hate me too. Even you are just a stranger on the Internet.",0.7444739292365021,3.258865446927381,3.2718226256983267,84.88937267225326,90.06145251396649,6.1118249534450655,23.659450651769085,7.492282038375204,1.5387931098696463,701,29,134,14,24,242,97,179,0.264,0.664,0.07200000000000001,-0.9912,2,2,0,0,0,5,27.0,0,2,0,1,10,10,6,2,9,0,21,4,0,1,3,14,35,4,3,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,9,0,0,2,1,32,1,15,31,4,13,0,1,1,2,5,4,2,0,6,99,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034970695394233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244727164266908,0.0,0.0,0.08974655430361794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204474860153072,0.09280147602007824,0.0,0.0,0.09645413430138183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473484503773427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318638920892067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965942154130676,0.11268746410208726,0.0,0.07203267348623818,0.0,0.0,0.20842176909846,0.0980155134627634,0.0,0.1028114511081679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164722727974968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872247266205706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306941262102518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599361677552478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406369128601438,0.0,0.0,0.4815070297372758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279796437379879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086612768201074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421950083635117,0.0,0.0,0.3024320915196025,0.0952264196217982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021502302963076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719277072831897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929323012747182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359338523049393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865206297547713,0.0,0.08748083388065016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,homoculous,2019/01/13,"z people will scream “ReACh OuT tO sOmEoNE iF YoU nEeD HeLp” and “gO tO ThErApY iF yOu nEeD HelP” but i did that and then my insurance changed it’s deductible, so if i want to get the help i need to not kill myself i have to pay $4,500 out of pocket this year before insurance covers a dime. that’s not possible.",-1.5501748251748282,0.01994074242424304,0.8718181818181812,97.85465034965037,111.27272727272728,4.455011655011655,15.682983682983682,6.297961479604792,-0.20280512820512803,243,7,55,4,13,81,46,66,0.051,0.7240000000000001,0.226,0.8962,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,9,8,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,8,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,35,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052084102105532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25511407564996424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599554016480802,0.0,0.13705612598471364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849310600819361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668065252311185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5364486712879022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718917456647645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718703567334081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043331021022743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757861501478358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422417317360001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529838592265865
suicidewatch,microwavable_bowls,2019/01/13,Just curious: How often do you receive hugs? I'm not trying to be funny or anything.  But I can't remember the last time a nonfamily member wanted to hug me.  ,2.0073958333333337,4.026065781250002,5.532500000000002,74.39583333333336,78.6875,8.016666666666666,26.291666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.500966666666667,123,5,22,3,3,46,30,32,0.0,0.6759999999999999,0.324,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236126077620563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196070072682521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5831351064190851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001670644955399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494956658192144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036252272518343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stevepwn3,2019/01/13,anyone else just smoke pot and stay in their room all day like on internet or games. this is literally all i do,2.3408695652173925,4.12321026086957,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,76.82608695652173,8.078260869565218,20.195652173913047,8.841846274778883,1.0147565217391303,88,2,20,2,2,29,22,23,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.3612,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484258317082095,0.5105714649128006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213649382078494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162691570738182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344622611179995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311258978499165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnimeLolwut1470,2019/01/13,My life is pointless. My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me a while ago and I honestly feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. He was such a wholesome caring person and I can't find someone like that anymore. I thought I was over it but I'm just not. I don't have any reason to keep living.,-0.3005597014925385,1.8162982537313432,1.5896828358208952,98.58213619402989,88.8507462686567,3.9470149253731344,21.807835820895523,5.148860815047168,-0.1767895522388061,241,9,56,1,8,79,49,67,0.032,0.838,0.13,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,0,12,12,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,9,4,7,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107651085090368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168895316735635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715997308891618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424181630660861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202215740550532,0.1698599936799471,0.0,0.0,0.2173137087470509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113372406926556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794107409957867,0.2323207999506897,0.0,0.4199032599339861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281427764560332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760799719192166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446292665031005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014582603236864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875955168046515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311343261159768
suicidewatch,elexis_dei,2019/01/13,"It's official. I am trash. Well it's happened. Again.

I've lied to someone very dear to me. Then I lied about having lied, and told another lie to cover the first lie.

And the stupid thing is, it's all totally unnecessary. I'm not even covering anything important. Literally no one would care either way what the truth actually was.

But for some reason I still had to lie about it.

Maybe I'm so insecure I can't just admit that I'm boring and average. Maybe my get off on manipulating people with my bullshit.

It doesn't really matter, I suppose. I'm a rubbish human any way you look at it.

Pretty soon it's going to all implode on me and all my friends and family will hate me. If I had any guts or integrity I'd confess everything then kill myself. But if I had guts and integrity I wouldn't be in this position.

Maybe I'll put it in my note.

""Dear friends and family. Everything about me is a lie. The person you loved never existed.""

Ugh. I hate myself.
X",0.3206495726495717,2.7474603128205146,3.1415384615384627,85.40290598290599,92.02564102564102,6.991452991452992,21.068376068376068,8.045849151850463,1.5640940170940172,751,27,152,20,27,263,114,195,0.18600000000000005,0.65,0.16399999999999998,-0.7072,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,2,0,1,10,15,4,1,6,0,14,3,2,2,6,30,28,15,1,4,8,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,7,1,2,5,1,21,8,16,19,6,17,1,0,1,1,10,6,0,4,7,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.14374144588651913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003351673252,0.15445463054085648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121357343017568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017996687208687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728883548506344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26476360525712345,0.0,0.2777185926537671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252914692135641,0.0,0.0,0.2276038947830333,0.0,0.07695704298486059,0.0,0.08371275812578399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025499527970671,0.0,0.0,0.29085224774600144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296323825426542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369308942532145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329420533556018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4439414415904583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360517642464532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981282988152868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021177771600952,0.12861479414875135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985485991046485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807501521254587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436276940380704,0.1514467140640301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480498358232177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763224694568795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785814115874232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074940040369247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153614598178937,0.0,0.2338363417624006,0.0,0.0,0.13243844977634384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463616082160383,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zynarix,2019/01/13,"Did I messed up something? Hi,
so apparently my most important person commited suicide few days ago. They never been any signals or something. She was a very happy and kind person. On the 2nd of January she got hacked and was paranoid. Her friends left her behind and betrayed her. My family and I did everything for her. Did she focus on the bad things that happened that she didn't even think about the family? Or did someone forced her to do so? I have so many questions, maybe here are some experts. I can really tell that she never could do that. She was not that type of person. So my theory is that someone forced her to do so for whatever reason.
I really need help, guys. ",2.448113413304256,5.005444198473286,3.7325681570338105,84.96803435114505,80.29770992366412,7.101635768811343,23.097600872410034,8.192908349453996,1.6002776444929117,534,18,100,11,14,174,80,131,0.168,0.728,0.104,-0.8693,1,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,4,0,17,0,0,1,3,17,21,11,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,10,0,21,3,11,10,3,8,0,0,0,0,22,4,0,5,4,79,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165174303974706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866847083204974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334250863507886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758611236944958,0.0,0.0,0.10305682323430924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554541294321053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436166026135987,0.0,0.30128763899275285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345993732264593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278054713849488,0.0,0.0,0.1582256546580655,0.1413093002518594,0.17010849207937098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710957709083148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640556430412562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362155556154046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201061419423868,0.16053908803839678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184885750623546,0.24649293412636955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185897022414275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901090990309446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474204287744474,0.16429948919713872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27079352864880624,0.2460414098468364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479364052118568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967094668103588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616303368170292,0.10239243688583524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185051143040633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fretyilsuicidal,2019/01/13,"23 years old I’m giving up.  I’m failing graduate school.  My body dismorphia is at an all time high and no amount of lifting weights seems to change my body.  I’m failing graduate school.  I’m failing graduate school.  Took me a very long time to make any relationships because of this debilitating social anxiety but I stopped talking to anyone I know and cut contact with everyone because I grew irritated and angry with their quirks and lack of understanding my personality which stopped me from physically hurt them.  For the past year my depression manifested into anger, and I was ok with that.  But the anger has seemed to subside, and this dark and depressive abyss is too painful and too familiar to me to continue to go on every single day.  I’m a failure at everything I do, no matter how successful I seem to be at the beginning, it is ALWAYS an illusion. I always find a way to fuck it up.  I’ve been very unlucky with my mental health.  Very unlucky.  These obsessive thoughts consume me throughout the day, and they come on so gradually that by the time I realize I’ve been obsessing over something things I have no control over, I’ve already wasted months of my life.  Medication only excasberated other symptoms like facial tics, fatigue , and this feeling of dissociation that plagues me for months on end which prevented me functioning at my full potential.  And now, I’m a failure.  ",5.539453125000001,7.566101539062501,6.41059375,71.90003125000003,68.765625,9.96375,35.45625,10.241411754978122,4.13266,1118,58,189,31,20,369,148,256,0.285,0.659,0.056,-0.9971,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,5,5,17,4,2,11,1,10,11,3,3,1,37,30,15,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,13,17,1,4,9,0,0,4,3,14,0,0,5,2,25,3,34,24,5,37,0,7,0,1,9,14,1,3,19,118,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249516383414626,0.0,0.1847276709029883,0.0,0.0,0.07548621192732444,0.0,0.0849174023055182,0.0,0.0,0.07761625433332874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353334522420538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465998122616888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742702405936045,0.09561971857283924,0.0,0.0,0.12449990605247765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317619710035528,0.0,0.1912143682703922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983161865693844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352526782986163,0.1060686369684681,0.09976282189456444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612672380878805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145522221430654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262098166880967,0.0,0.10648470785680336,0.06308586840018977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799156953090426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172813318141296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883158265083782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100464117938971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840508125290233,0.05423072138407501,0.0,0.0,0.0982346375498004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409572319252512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182438579841944,0.11186545742092452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720392908557248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647953973014427,0.0,0.0,0.08442319222808461,0.11811559015906414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596543679101296,0.0,0.09692400727968056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917625728787785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370245182319598,0.0,0.3031603544306578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131541274069383,0.0,0.08545594625740469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856078554052447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537517788733545,0.0,0.0892204386486608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737458178806099,0.0,0.0,0.0881244095056399,0.19418116603038774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332901443689773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555859721682782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747686308371152,0.0,0.08810944122423424,0.0,0.13517240406521006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296527742468712
suicidewatch,isawthesigns08,2019/01/13,"20 (M) Feel like I’ve taken the wrong path and the only way is out I’ve never posted on reddit before, I’ve been in and out of suicide watch here and there as I’ve been at my lows, but this is my first ever post and sadly not the best reason to be here, Finally at my lowest. I’ve had sucidal thoughts for years now, dating as far back as high school, seeing councillors, harming myself just never seemed like anything worked.

Been trying to get on with my life a day at a time yet there’s always something holding me back from being who I could have been, I’m $4000 in debt, I’ve pissed on my parents enough and am lucky to not be on the streets, I work full time and am underperforming due to anxiety I constantly feel, it’s how I lost my last job. I’m in constant fear of what tomorrow will bring, I found out that my girlfriend of just over a year, had been dating someone else the whole time, I’ve pushed away so many friends from my outbursts of sad/anger fits. I literally have nothing going for me, and when I finally do, it’s gone in the blink of an eye.

Now I’m left alone, got no circle I can turn to, it seems the only solution is to just leave, walk away from life, and no longer be a burden to anyone, I always drag people into my situation, then get angry if they aren’t able to help, I really don’t deserve to be here, just thought I’d reach out to here one time before I made my decision. ",6.620527845036322,4.66012693898305,7.227857142857142,80.7729237288136,66.0508474576271,10.191283292978213,30.562953995157386,8.634040054169528,2.0493970944309927,1097,28,242,13,14,365,168,295,0.192,0.742,0.066,-0.9907,5,1,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,5,20,13,1,1,12,0,25,4,2,3,3,39,46,17,1,2,8,1,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,7,14,0,1,9,0,1,5,8,8,0,2,15,5,25,5,43,24,4,61,0,3,3,0,6,26,1,4,29,154,32,4,0.10741068500799668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124507630057158,0.0,0.0,0.17874858883445688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216888003514414,0.0,0.0,0.07510404838041174,0.0,0.08838984177809506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183174861710007,0.16518437341048384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827971635420821,0.0,0.1127208872032408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321455842974395,0.0,0.08575869189190011,0.0,0.0,0.06927100596589224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972784468611668,0.0,0.0,0.11098395029921193,0.0,0.0,0.09715911396750168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208668825819633,0.10862013934004383,0.07673421483138249,0.0,0.23532631046691005,0.0,0.09136347379702812,0.0,0.11777027207726427,0.0829852287934539,0.0,0.1122352994082839,0.0,0.06104396757025188,0.0,0.08590613695370618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199511804079252,0.11348528596677193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658853112985046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755404419467543,0.0,0.11373240654488267,0.11670202354061116,0.0,0.15173468666496898,0.10495087034328217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725145094918428,0.0,0.0,0.10163458723628033,0.0,0.10889757582446788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568348387371554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306344914736708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278425997179556,0.1633813321188374,0.0,0.0,0.11926685450380688,0.0,0.0,0.07446504471804104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057394903639248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688100352239016,0.11043607341254688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870534761088496,0.08559240944310556,0.1955653071361538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207341102802744,0.0,0.0,0.09100872484642816,0.08268999293043744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748985593912707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705441720128147,0.2505281368080426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292480449789243,0.11683198153405745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525760220349109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119920193954728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639251588181174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743672244442785,0.0,0.13833791909502208
suicidewatch,suicidalhumanboi,2019/01/13,"Can you change my mind? Im too scared to think how ill live my future, and im doing nothing right now. If I try to live a ""real life"" in which I'm not afraid of any thoughts, I can't function because it hurts too much. One major thing is my parents will be saddened, I have never given them anything, and will only give them more sadness, but I just don't know how to live. I just don't see a way.",2.332068965517241,2.7719646781609235,3.7638505747126447,93.90370689655177,74.63218390804599,5.8000000000000025,23.69540229885057,3.1291,-0.0017494252873566651,305,8,73,0,6,101,63,87,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.8018,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,2,2,0,10,2,0,2,1,15,17,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,11,0,5,12,3,6,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,1,3,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679731022918295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534384130297478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366259671927235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724702589764992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886676509588603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960632101806325,0.0,0.4028116090466843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102472017280325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317002556803346,0.0,0.0,0.4939354501941706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826864922703412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370675180271797,0.0,0.14380731042966358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789107408772752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634824453758167,0.1418091254305945,0.0,0.0,0.2070386880888062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222914831938305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592334555575486,0.0,0.0,0.18667621486596386,0.0,0.1485822715387777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238738984135954,0.11947426411291845,0.0,0.148026213073297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265922197343974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800107023233924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,softly_sulfuric,2019/01/13,suicide pact sounds like what i need so badly right now ,3.338181818181816,5.563379181818185,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,75.36363636363637,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.5321636363636362,45,1,9,0,1,13,11,11,0.472,0.389,0.139,-0.79,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520606619125565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645090461014063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014539179756512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623672435311321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5922224297788182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WillowTortilla,2019/01/13,"Stop calling cries for help “suicide attempts” This is really controversial, I know, but I need to say it.

If I attempt suicide it’s going to work. End of. I’m not going to be one of those people with like 12 suicide attempts because those attempts aren’t real attempts, sorry. If you genuinely want to die, you make a plan that will work. You might leave a note but you don’t tell anyone first, unless you just want to talk to them one last time and you don’t tell them what you’re doing, like if you’re on top of a building or something. That’s secret. You make sure it’s NOT in a public place and that everybody thinks they know where you are. And you fucking do it.

Anything less is a cry for help, which is absolutely fine - it’s far better than actually killing yourself and being found is a really good thing for a lot of people, but it’s a bit fucking rich to call your 13th “suicide attempt” an actual test on your life. If you wanted to actually die you’d be dead by now.

2 failed attempts, sure. Anything more? Fuck no.

I just needed to get this off my chest because it’s really upsetting to me. I have close friends whose siblings (they’re wonderful people btw) are repeatedly ‘attempting suicide’ and watching my friends hurt over their sister’s 17th FUCKING suicide attempt makes me so mad because that’s entirely a cry for help and there’s better fucking ways to go about it.

I’m not encouraging completed suicide but stop enforcing the idea that you’re actually 100% trying to end your life if you’ve failed more than 3 times. That’s absolute fucking bullshit and all you’re doing is finding excuses for putting your loved ones through excruciating pain just to a get a message across you could explain through writing a fucking letter.

I don’t want to see my loved ones suffer through somebody else’s cry for attention again. It fucking hurts and you’re selfish for ‘aTtEmPtInG sUiCiDe’ for the 7th fucking time in a row.

Sorry.",4.075792724776939,6.029842468085108,4.769045984900483,82.47403225806454,72.45744680851064,7.404804392587508,30.48009608785175,8.155646560271837,2.2722295126973235,1552,69,287,24,31,498,183,376,0.295,0.5589999999999999,0.146,-0.9979,1,0,1,0,0,10,34.0,0,16,4,19,9,33,11,1,16,0,22,15,1,3,3,56,56,20,12,12,17,1,0,2,2,2,3,1,0,0,23,10,0,2,10,0,1,4,8,19,0,5,1,3,31,14,42,48,6,29,0,5,2,11,43,12,9,9,14,173,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.2275820684408109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076695610065017,0.0,0.09595713885513613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066232766684574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312889258118883,0.06365199875595376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190681806669232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061129800499252235,0.0,0.0,0.04655036450096498,0.0,0.2561733290968853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101904245914925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870484593316435,0.0,0.10327866749777824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053288072527049514,0.0495926758384676,0.0,0.06392645423608971,0.09008982211157332,0.4851033564513821,0.06092203579686384,0.0,0.09940516389506757,0.04890196163451322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723822669706895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482957223091044,0.0658172210241276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645038572782241,0.0,0.06408383270379434,0.04752489317273139,0.0,0.061734675091706576,0.0,0.0,0.08236255493026177,0.056968001276553236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956729939861417,0.1052418364753419,0.0,0.11675352491231394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185048623956318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646217454107936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803104067356172,0.0,0.06203872011315655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212603025209926,0.0,0.060914439344415615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861082382787593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636181074957442,0.11205157694223393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636504822078831,0.0,0.0,0.04646010532803758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488465514779664,0.0,0.13053132783910648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748817896758867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101939405536846,0.0,0.10990016022526763,0.0,0.0,0.04686190717282344,0.10191914084457836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03873405829704421,0.03735833916920095,0.0,0.0,0.10199120196057493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03958404863284919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375549620453775,0.04627836982464089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322733807265657,0.08489085431361271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tristanx95,2019/01/13,"Death is getting easier by the day. As of late, the thought of ending it all seems very possible and right to me. I think real soon I'm gonna actually be able to go through with it. I'm tired of feeling like a failure and that nothing will get better. It's relieving to think that it'll all go away. There's family and friends that I know will be a little sad but their world will keep moving forward and they'll find happiness soon after. Don't think kind words will make any difference anymore.",4.251216407355024,5.20226566336634,4.991598302687411,84.9741584158416,70.5841584158416,8.543705799151343,28.289957567185287,8.841846274778883,2.0215165487977376,396,14,82,7,7,128,72,101,0.132,0.737,0.13,-0.0568,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,2,20,26,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,7,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,8,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,6,12,16,2,14,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,8,46,12,0,0.17789484618058404,0.0,0.17359970823217966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209745956770054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642388564000894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713806392689995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733353497539188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472745891304277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586225127077807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756203172822095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770342874318855,0.0,0.08994897937096351,0.12708811365648026,0.0,0.0,0.1625926665721812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744111687187344,0.0,0.1858854295806976,0.0,0.20220348134552985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937237170045507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581211130597488,0.0,0.1852501071005989,0.09776635510870099,0.0,0.2006731350457924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691043602806654,0.17829737052590786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874619120165925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907406831519255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069490276080376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054970987680468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024832810917428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192122663729302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194878669964094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419635030603724,0.0,0.1412286368202382,0.0,0.20446395629553613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146781878754435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,transedthrowaway,2019/01/13,"posting here because i don't really know what else to do. (warning for talk of childhood sexual abuse and incest in this post)




i'm not in any immediate danger right now so I guess that's good but the bad thing is I live and struggle with chronic suicidality and am pretty positive that it's going to be my only option after a while.

I just feel like I don't have a future or any possibility of my life getting better no matter what I try and do to make it work. I'm 26, single, still living with my parents, and am on disability because of my mental illnesses as well as fibromyalgia. I have to deal with depression, anxiety, BPD, C-PTSD, ADHD, and an eating disorder. So not only is my physical pain hindering me but so is all the bullshit going on in my head.

From as early as I can remember I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by my older sister which is something I can never confront her with or come forward about without putting myself at risk of being abused by her again. I'm just stuck with the weight of that trauma and have to deal with daily flashbacks and nightmares about my sister and what she did to me. I was also sexually assaulted by a cousin when I was a child so that's just another fun bit of trauma for me to deal with. And the most frustrating part is that they'll never have to face amy consequences for their actions, they're still out there living their happiest lives.

So I'm severely traumatized, dealing with a laundry list of mental illnesses, and am in physical pain every single day. But it isn't like I haven't tried to do anything about it: I'm on medication, I have a cane I can sometimes use, I see a counselor, and I've tried to figure out some kind of career that could work well for me as someone with fibro because I don't want to have to rely on social assistance for the rest of my life.

The problem is none of that has worked.

Medication and counseling for years has given me some relief but at this point it feels like putting a bandaid on somebody who's been disemboweled - it's not going to do the trick. My cane can make walking easier on bad days but it doesn't change the fact that I'm in pain every single day. As for finding a career, I'm only qualified for entry-level manual jobs that I would never be able to do well because of all my pain. And the jobs that could work for me all require 4-years of university and a bachelor's degree which I definitely can't afford - and I also enrolled in and then had to withdraw from college twice already (the first time for mental health reasons, the second time for physical health reasons) which has me feeling like returning to school again wpuld be a terrible idea when it ended badly twice before.

I feel so fucking pathetic and worthless. All I want is to become independant and stable and have some kind of HOPE for my future, but that's always ruined when I remember the reality of my situation: no matter what I try or how much I want to, my life isn't going to change. It's always going to turn right back around and I'll be in the same place again. My sister always told me that I was worthless and that lying on my back and taking it is all I'll ever be good for and all anyone will ever want me for. And every single day it gets harder and harder for me to not believe her.

I feel like a waste. A waste of money, of resources, of energy, of life... It's like I'm a parasite that's draining everyone and everything around me, but even if I try to get better and fix things it doesn't work because at the end of the day a parasite is still a parasite.

There isn't a single day when I'm not thinking about how much I want to die and when/how I should commit suicide. I've made more attempts in the past than I can even count (though I've only gone to the hospital for it twice), and that still hasn't stopped or discouraged me from thinking that suicide really is the only way out of this since nothing I've done or can try to do will be able to help me.

To be honest, the biggest reason why I haven't made another attempt recently is because I'm somehow too depressed to even work up the motivation for that. But if I'm lucky maybe it'll pass or I'll be able to force myself to get motivated for suicide sometime in the future.",8.09059109311741,6.01827681754386,8.665730994152046,71.98097165991905,63.280701754385966,11.576248313090419,35.490328385065226,10.214889679676881,3.414491677912732,3369,116,652,60,39,1138,325,855,0.187,0.696,0.118,-0.9974,5,0,1,0,3,5,71.0,0,0,3,14,47,45,6,2,39,0,73,22,2,13,13,135,122,70,5,13,25,5,6,6,0,6,16,0,0,1,45,46,2,3,18,0,1,13,24,25,3,5,14,7,70,20,121,91,23,90,0,6,1,2,22,31,1,17,51,473,115,16,0.1445953613064046,0.17132185873963354,0.0,0.0,0.057925175051021814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053188192264350405,0.07708857213057774,0.12031492389981505,0.0,0.0,0.06555320271638079,0.10108056255437936,0.03687168520816382,0.0,0.0,0.03370147954501555,0.0,0.03966322067730993,0.08581368503967683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412327167042007,0.12073108693857118,0.1762879803335252,0.05323140542744762,0.04101333417338859,0.05430315226952365,0.0,0.08525523110541018,0.05262022822545045,0.0,0.060704265254943886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197514640098353,0.04151870013906249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696508678102015,0.0,0.0,0.18650409193369524,0.19876195779452585,0.08302651521036522,0.0,0.05002238545753654,0.0,0.05523960373725228,0.0,0.0,0.04932375235120552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049319050962658505,0.04026362343332997,0.05421677315538124,0.08537904796029955,0.0,0.0,0.09550387243154916,0.08719652169487062,0.12182782824744202,0.04605568807544904,0.043317662393158936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185293213501328,0.13773194001175304,0.0,0.0,0.04405251355607152,0.04099758015355106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455869384972009,0.10072681110552513,0.0,0.13696146005306445,0.08085315252224085,0.0,0.0,0.053096030768060486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049465518821039334,0.10246540498985476,0.0,0.0,0.03230640758142641,0.0,0.0,0.04787193991758036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544101875690206,0.0,0.0,0.09565905644422774,0.0,0.0,0.10038254524462167,0.026488609692871812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617597317809896,0.14128397948098653,0.0,0.1702404708578384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121308469179544,0.06434568431560449,0.0,0.048421825123263415,0.0,0.0,0.09710974287511033,0.1457181150049222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086281861047636,0.0,0.11152085666076968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462477163106517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328547998340955,0.20514621221466625,0.0,0.053518679007811404,0.05219422852658023,0.046010877891043474,0.0,0.0,0.05035712567044398,0.0,0.045563117928554914,0.05433651467356971,0.09232159085461704,0.04903515513978289,0.0,0.04611941091337853,0.05634141318475641,0.09690551707980807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617543273524773,0.14866811374640232,0.047590158391903205,0.0,0.10919890478603683,0.08232243233335862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048779408406665184,0.038407927378888984,0.0,0.0,0.05445053361432288,0.0,0.03987025902663088,0.054177081472182725,0.0,0.0491322538428848,0.040838393468411234,0.03710552447462274,0.09533900641723278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396538976098315,0.04029606553461331,0.0,0.05038748888542228,0.0,0.21088514198987088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036239238862556776,0.03874009141438301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404182201734,0.061767246013567326,0.04735473611093128,0.0,0.05620981198857191,0.0,0.0,0.04605568807544904,0.0,0.19634151767650745,0.05242607716604273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041627988835069525,0.0,0.0,0.14214348405858007,0.038257689148318,0.0,0.05869273195135492,0.13000859501925024,0.0,0.043491607736430085,0.0,0.0,0.04646158946729098,0.0,0.21053429030700824,0.0,0.0,0.034238798676160344,0.0,0.0,0.06207644795745621
suicidewatch,hahahathrowaway17828,2019/01/13,"I feel like my life is ruined beyond belief, and I'm not sure how to cope anymore Throwaway because I'm embarrassed. I'm typically not a reddit poster, mostly just a reddit browser, so I'm sorry if I mess up the post or something.

I'm 20, almost 21. I know that's young to be angsting over my life being ruined, but bare with me.

I was always the ""mature"" one growing up, and kids my own age never liked me. Maybe it was because I was smarter than them (I was one of those gifted kids, and that probably made me seem obnoxious). I was bullied mercilessly and alienated from my peers for being The Weird Gay Kid, and the earliest I ever felt suicidal was when I was 7 years old. My parents are split up; alcoholic father with the emotional maturity of a 6 year old, and a mom who had her own emotional baggage to deal with.

My teen years were a mess, but to spare yall the gritty details, I basically spent all my teen years in my room as your typical emo kid - suicidal and cutting myself (which I started doing when I was 10). My only friends were online and were 5+ years older than me because even online, people my age just didn't like me. When I was 13, I met a guy who was 10 years older than me who trapped me in a co-dependent friendship for 6 years, being sexually weird with me and overprotective to the point of making me talk to him from the time we woke up to the time we went to bed. He said that it was because I was like a little brother to him but it made me more and more uncomfortable the older I got. I cut ties with him when I was 19 and he was 29.

Things got worse as I got older. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and severe depression when I was 15. I ended up dropping out when I was a junior in high school after years of hardly even going to school because I literally couldn't bear it anymore, and my mom let me because she knew that if she didn't, I probably would've killed myself. We were also really poor at the time. I was essentially a shut-in and I just wanted to be online because it was the only place I felt safe as a gay kid in a small town full of homophobes. There are entire blocks of months that I don't remember between 2014 and 2016 because I started dissociating, and time kind of lost its meaning to me.

When I was 18 I met my current boyfriend online and we were long distance for a while. He moved across the country to live with me last year, and we got our own place. He's entirely financially responsible for everything in our apartment, from rent to bills to groceries. My mom helps with small things here and there but I contribute essentially nothing. My boyfriend says he's okay with it, and I want to believe him because he's my best friend and the only person who's ever really respected me, but I can't help but feel like he resents me. He's the only reason I haven't killed myself by now.

I keep saying every year that I'm gonna get my GED and go to college but at this point I'm terrified to even try. I can't remember anything from high school at this point and I feel like it would be a pointless effort to try getting it because even if I do somehow pass the GED tests, I have no aspirations or goals in life to do anything. I used to have passions - I wanted to be an animator at one point, but I just felt like I had no talent so I gave up. Now I'm 21, I have no reputable skills or talents, and I genuinely feel like a waste of space. I'm existential to the point where most days I can't even function because I just think about how my youth has been wasted and how I'll never be able to experience a good childhood or be the teenager I wanted to be. I'm obsessed with the idea of being a teenager again and I would do anything to just go back and be a teenager but without all the emo shit I went through when I actually was a teenager. 

I want my childhood back so badly but it feels like it was robbed from me. The only thing keeping me from killing myself, or relapsing into cutting again, is my boyfriend. I can feel myself starting to give up hope that things will ever feel better and there doesn't seem to be an end to this feeling in sight. Please, help me have any sort of perspective on life and how I can cope with being an adult, or how I can cope with never being able to be a teenager again. I'm desperate at this point.",6.175708306662068,5.138450921857307,6.997097099807968,79.0864073809641,66.39524348810872,9.852666305578806,32.33268501649515,8.964715089967882,2.4868459993106504,3376,116,703,48,46,1130,341,883,0.139,0.743,0.118,-0.9622,3,1,2,0,0,2,77.0,7,2,1,6,46,42,8,2,44,1,75,10,1,10,9,134,138,69,5,12,28,6,12,9,2,4,6,3,3,8,32,48,1,4,22,0,4,8,18,19,0,3,51,16,117,23,99,65,11,113,1,4,1,3,58,44,1,17,68,482,149,7,0.09641566270477804,0.0,0.0470438893366561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151951077800895,0.04827317949260633,0.0,0.0,0.03855178531549575,0.04011277753403903,0.0,0.0,0.032782978436600926,0.0,0.03687885903394066,0.0,0.09561842974172663,0.0,0.0,0.11901281288874155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413769323629024,0.04025152553678401,0.3232575119785317,0.0,0.0,0.054313717594957414,0.05059114481749126,0.04263590926332697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03109006308790833,0.04970015732554185,0.0415213345041854,0.0489299340557969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845464334945784,0.08539565947158803,0.0,0.0,0.15920408974683578,0.13082023022600095,0.04061717710110499,0.0,0.043326090360617284,0.04715650942021817,0.0,0.0,0.1950026241202348,0.1721984217526344,0.1388612342873542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449050183631924,0.0,0.050373204353520495,0.04624534457840115,0.08219286452241648,0.040434441733317165,0.1542248264068395,0.0,0.0,0.04773333226331354,0.0,0.0,0.043184747908663945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693807953410236,0.1018684412348078,0.0,0.04788125397400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054420773719447466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856986710441122,0.16000446842094382,0.050201037932555766,0.026493763367566498,0.039295816765736964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049295773738320364,0.13620246783656267,0.21196720194442695,0.048316911666806336,0.04256839829257264,0.04266241373488086,0.0,0.0,0.05262454263987206,0.0,0.0,0.09123083128445736,0.032179101767665017,0.0,0.04843124616640993,0.052512460952785035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693812883144255,0.038479031055938084,0.05123729548182776,0.0,0.0,0.11154255437248674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625671435501872,0.0,0.10117201914847407,0.0,0.09800062245858128,0.18332114035785144,0.0,0.0,0.053529091704623104,0.0,0.0,0.03342124032770268,0.04209321887416827,0.10073384649875194,0.05291772228486602,0.2734318966568878,0.0,0.0461697765601818,0.0,0.10395239159873222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176634239282309,0.04956567963322971,0.0,0.0,0.10922015073434474,0.0,0.045856687098421334,0.07667360482417862,0.0,0.14636669706570302,0.0,0.08777319820738473,0.0,0.05446112761455369,0.049484646118075945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049141813108405284,0.0,0.03711274379661567,0.0,0.05396472036571514,0.10236525346670164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546308610373804,0.0,0.04543531053337714,0.0,0.0,0.03874762876085408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810856423406827,0.030889631783696293,0.0,0.0,0.11244149655475336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545990608622611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0416360880564004,0.0,0.0,0.1421711397674036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937828527451938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647062912322947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912789865833765,0.10273638072745464,0.0,0.0,0.3104426283510229
suicidewatch,alphaestofbeta,2019/01/13,"Bleak future Hi all, I'm 35 year old male.  My future is bleak and I think it is better for me to kill myself. I don't know when and I'm scared but I know it will happen one day.

When I look at my life now and thinking about the future I know it is a bleak, hopeless one. At 35 I am in a low position office job, still renting, can't drive, no car and no SO. I don't have much money saved because I drink and smokes most of it. I gamble on and off as well.  In 5 years I will be 40 and I know it will stay the same provided I don't get fired or off myself whichever comes first.

Thing is, this is all my own fault. I went to uni and graduated with a degree but due to not trying hard enough and self esteem issue, I did not manage to get into the field that I studied. I ended up working odd jobs before landing this current job 5 years ago.

However, my manager likes me and told me I did well in my job. I should be happy but I don't. I don't think I deserve the praise. He always encourage me to learn new things and improve myself and to try apply other jobs internally. His encouragement makes me feed even worse as I don't think I am able or confident enough to do the job. I also think I suffer from low self esteem.

My parents are always encouraging me to try getting a better job and improve myself. I think I am a disappointment to them after all the money they spent sending me to university.

It is not only the job that I feel depressed about. I am 35 and my last relationship was when I was 19. I did try finding someone but always get rejected. Well I guess who would want to be with a poor 35 years old that still renting and can't drive eh?

Today I went to scout a location for my eventual last day. It is this seaside cliff famous for suicide. I went to the edge, looked down and I am scared. Hopefully one day I have enough courage to do it.

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​",1.67010294775881,3.741311359102248,3.3392019950124703,89.43562567939126,80.04738154613466,5.808581111324256,22.252126095018863,6.900799576094004,0.6156801713664559,1529,48,319,17,39,507,183,401,0.129,0.7,0.17,0.9437,13,1,2,0,0,3,72.0,0,0,2,5,14,25,1,2,15,0,38,3,0,1,3,54,68,29,2,4,9,1,3,1,0,5,1,0,2,3,18,20,2,0,13,1,7,8,13,11,3,4,10,5,58,14,37,50,10,51,1,7,2,0,17,14,0,5,29,219,76,13,0.043484471526989234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038546360305799186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034774516169626436,0.10854769133651967,0.4240386605868527,0.4755455326609519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026507730234580043,0.0,0.03700208248680414,0.0,0.0,0.07691696267505134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0374580218422546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413166026300319,0.0,0.03745311160777552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259822738524053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038514334897961695,0.13479324965797124,0.0,0.02872108333175805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021987055366224004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974401918804399,0.03698786926680446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087536646990532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790304786964705,0.0,0.038453174561644,0.04629002853094248,0.038953545267525175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318989190552044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538649065379356,0.3452130258120609,0.0,0.04810912498415591,0.0,0.09559171333623104,0.07089129617919618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030714368228115532,0.02124431630258863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303200847732794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029026222406720526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031966089959757665,0.0,0.0,0.04199757356965929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912592759842496,0.0,0.08839860988096931,0.03307190008160838,0.0,0.0,0.04828435959046572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046686048810809934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707108385181628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072757482700328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03684425161237423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046348660854731126,0.06945351026527075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756495403520306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777830134152825,0.16717856117094435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121819450178732,0.04155127603012645,0.0,0.11809240708459395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02564826795042668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729328653355744,0.12093162227339085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03165721316920448,0.0,0.04431439146833615,0.03089012094233478,0.0,0.4755455326609519,0.11201029587591907
suicidewatch,SocialSushiEater,2019/01/13,"Advice. I'm just asking out of curiosity, you know.
If you jump off from the top stage of 10-floor parking lot directly on asphalt, how quick death would be?
Let's imagine, that the person weights between 50-60 kg.",3.109390243902439,5.549091097560973,3.6611585365853685,87.07027439024392,77.04878048780488,6.051219512195122,29.76219512195122,7.1686216300943375,1.7612390243902434,169,8,32,2,4,53,38,41,0.094,0.863,0.043,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,6,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,7,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37895932028110907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625460547127278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312791489344612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965576850727471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296986064037432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33861704905190904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472242965003877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275486099682697,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,transguy7,2019/01/13,"No future. I was supposed to kill myself before I graduated from high school 2017 but I got too lazy to do it. Now I'm 19, working at McDonald's, living with my mom and step dad and only have 300 dollars to my name. I'd kill myself but I dont want my mom to feel guilty. So I guess I'm stuck living this shitty life. I wish I would of done better in high school. ",0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.617500000000004,94.10750000000002,84.0,5.0,16.25,5.985473137389443,-0.6063750000000003,280,5,66,2,8,97,56,80,0.293,0.627,0.08,-0.9622,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,14,5,2,3,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,12,1,9,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,37,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507018113793486,0.0,0.0,0.15663342198458438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812381015385986,0.20756367609304785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954871855576389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164563822179382,0.0,0.1950991835965437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37423858945510863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918769859276622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509325465668147,0.0,0.0,0.3127708079022261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148423440436431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469499317592806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584758641577227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104460078436143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365998353894452,0.0,0.0,0.1289332666485101,0.0,0.0,0.12580905902788472,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,things_andstuff,2019/01/13,"He's gone, and the best part of me has gone with him. The man I love has left. He was the last thing that kept my depression from boiling over the surface, but no longer.

I just want the pain to end.",0.5943023255813955,2.2314804651162845,1.5001744186046508,103.45398255813956,81.55813953488372,5.230232558139536,17.726744186046513,5.985473137389443,-0.7645767441860465,152,3,40,1,4,47,35,43,0.191,0.677,0.132,-0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,2,5,4,2,7,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624938800809661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975071962664519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059369782557915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28156099534315765,0.0,0.0,0.3752966320275744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117523707211741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675480915104604,0.0,0.0,0.3740530010416426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294797374537447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373592365121374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Anunnaki,2019/01/13,"I’m over it I’ve never considered what I go through as a “battle” or a “fight” because it’s just life to me and it’s just normal but having gone a couple of weeks feeling good but slowly this feeling of shittiness slowly creeping back in I’m now in full swing and I pretty much just want to end it all just so that I don’t have to go through this shit anymore and not even for all the other reasons I usually want it. 

I’ve had enough. I’m over it. I don’t want to go through it anymore it takes up way too much energy to get through a day feeling like this. ",1.5410655737704886,2.8354426147541005,3.3860327868852487,92.51593442622952,77.77049180327869,6.191475409836067,24.49508196721311,6.742157984588678,0.6868072131147538,437,15,101,4,10,147,69,122,0.076,0.733,0.191,0.88,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,3,0,5,0,5,2,1,1,3,22,20,8,0,4,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,2,3,6,2,18,18,6,18,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,8,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664110558154176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420482982611367,0.0,0.11261154131464272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044035855715119,0.0,0.1191375226740126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636186341563813,0.1908786036936477,0.0,0.12201442498446376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802197138551155,0.13197331454732592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965153843345574,0.0,0.31496411676597336,0.15494530214342545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048240328632493,0.09025122791876787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716000674757784,0.0,0.14247750224988334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809991482407562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793990566276145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993632352754525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896258020525103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889624930733627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345733520680528,0.0,0.3268809845718871,0.14663248171466822,0.14818169486862345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweatiest,2019/01/13,"What could ever help me I honestly don't know where to turn. I've hated myself since I was a young child, maybe it's because I'm bisexual, or not a professional athlete like my brother, or too depressed to further my education, or all the x I've eaten, or the tramautic experiences I've gone through from overdosing on lsd to breaking 7 bones in a  accident that left me hooked on pain killers and bed ridden for half a year. Maybe it's because my sister's a meth addict who's daughter I help take care of everyday, or the fact my older brothers been an alcoholic for almost 20 years and I can't help either of them no matter how much energy I put forward. Or the fact I'm going to be supporting my mother for the rest of her life or she'll be basically homeless. Anything that would improve my life in the smallest way I run away from so I know there's no fixing me. I've gone to my doctor but there's no fucking hope there, every pill I've tried did nothing or made it worse, one of them has given me the gift of anxiety attacks that I wouldn't wish on anyone. I feel like I'm a strong willed person, I've been sober for over 4 years but this shit never goes away, I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up hoping to die everyday. This may sound very narcissistic but I want to be honest,  in everyone's eyes on a global view I'm supposed to be successful, I'm the quintessential tall blue eyed cut jawline athletic built white American dude that it seems like the world adores so much, but I hate myself so fucking much I don't understand why I was put on this Earth in this body, I feel like I just don't belong, I'll never ever be happy for an extended period and that's a fact. All my friends are getting married having kids buying houses traveling and I'm just sitting here struggling to keep myself alive until my younger sister is 18 so I can kill myself but I don't think I can wait that long. A beautiful female coworker asked me out for drinks and we hung out for a couple months until I finally had to tell her how fucked up of a person I am because I didn't want her to think it was her fault. Even with the things that it seems would make other people happy such as having a nice car, money to spend and a girl by my side I'm still miserable. I don't know what I'm looking to hear on here, I just want people to know that I tried, I really fucking tried but I wasn't born to be the man I wish I could be so damn badly.  If you read all this thank you and I'm sorry",4.015424208144797,4.483695413461542,5.419705882352943,83.44647058823529,70.82692307692308,8.425339366515837,26.44796380090498,8.4952907291091,1.6417533936651578,1965,58,414,30,34,663,256,520,0.187,0.6809999999999999,0.132,-0.9881,0,0,3,0,0,1,30.0,1,2,2,2,22,35,11,2,26,0,38,20,7,4,10,74,89,33,2,13,20,6,2,4,1,6,7,2,1,6,24,12,3,2,11,3,3,10,15,17,0,2,14,10,59,18,54,60,8,57,0,2,6,4,30,25,6,15,25,261,83,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806936574227803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633635288970018,0.08089615364826966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061801560993915525,0.0,0.0,0.056487899371231276,0.0,0.0664805239593759,0.0,0.07552460608072721,0.09190646948062102,0.1518034214088513,0.0,0.06745347268662212,0.14774036374481042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973574864988842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236736698146511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290031219957926,0.08938888421362888,0.08874033420530132,0.0,0.0,0.06958141748765989,0.0,0.08384378116871674,0.0,0.0,0.08268855263027378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791401546276687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335881597592106,0.14615228795644153,0.1361324625419889,0.07719509969892574,0.0,0.0790248388788712,0.0,0.0,0.08169630842869192,0.11542798821630752,0.0,0.08849781890402718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241556020575105,0.29874379977110044,0.042207686773172035,0.0,0.04591291111050744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719977680069984,0.0,0.15952016987647644,0.0,0.0,0.09105241838197584,0.0,0.16244875226335612,0.0,0.0,0.1604787303867707,0.0,0.09321693973405244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180688047799763,0.08937845126314145,0.0,0.1775929055952756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777492431287454,0.0,0.11412399060090575,0.15787309288165338,0.0,0.0,0.07149363710404807,0.06784043372738466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644227522010652,0.05392571171449447,0.0,0.16232208329493386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448312792436789,0.0,0.17816243474490565,0.0,0.12461527928732084,0.0,0.0,0.075812792090157,0.0,0.07751696306436268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474312026791685,0.0,0.08596268434218662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201457294022582,0.1410795616690841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242577985366036,0.0,0.0,0.08080850530278039,0.0,0.051753992351661365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470902518337778,0.0,0.0,0.08292632840170082,0.06682754615544319,0.0,0.08084498643740283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904340330630063,0.0,0.0,0.06451631768758008,0.0,0.0,0.08445574022727835,0.0,0.0,0.0916757254402068,0.0,0.0,0.06074150173210671,0.0,0.0706110870507091,0.07437748711339809,0.0,0.0,0.05367105608573863,0.1035296379968136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454648345766362,0.08787266943067562,0.0,0.08410174475865956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665744137579498,0.14295016596619722,0.06412467713470639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289738001048325,0.0,0.18580130568165448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232849130830948,0.11477702702205801,0.0,0.0,0.15607184875342736
suicidewatch,throwawaythecards,2019/01/13,"Who cares On nights like this I don't know what I'm hanging onto. Maybe I just want someone to see through my lies, call me out on my shitty ""I'm fine"" look, someone to just ask if I'm fucking alright. Because I'm not. And there isn't anyone.

​

I can't stop these fucking tears, the ache in my chest, the fucking thoughts that won't ever go away. But who even cares?",0.9762341772151899,3.0105643924050653,2.003022151898737,98.29035601265824,82.29113924050633,3.95,23.799050632911392,3.1291,-0.14984936708860766,293,11,66,0,8,92,56,79,0.136,0.677,0.187,0.3235,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,2,1,4,4,1,0,1,12,20,3,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,2,7,5,9,18,0,11,0,0,2,3,4,6,3,1,4,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937357928227667,0.2235909688684891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866330969612078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202349334999392,0.0,0.1728824300342542,0.0,0.0,0.11217012485094607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789367258962067,0.0,0.3752186986860255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153615095173265,0.16644659562002734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103398222131547,0.0,0.0,0.10457650518104084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112648579067184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989745975782182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452114225778812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486168459055904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267989881371415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663127915602106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31182030802534044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538396898121328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608252213922118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853322380868342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235909688684891,0.0
suicidewatch,DJOKERLLL,2019/01/13,I WANT TO DIE SINCE I M 6. THEY CAN T UNDERSTAND I will cut my self so i lose my fear and than i will kill me. I WANT TO DIE . LIFE IS MEANINGLESS ,-3.9796190476190474,-2.7293689142857147,-0.16642857142857004,106.64559523809528,109.57142857142857,4.61904761904762,11.547619047619047,6.42735559955562,-1.1359523809523808,108,2,33,2,6,39,25,35,0.547,0.369,0.083,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5802363477850221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145599864158545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30926936624702644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744722440317647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31273352744437105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916209718750644,0.0,0.0,0.2312382073671143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910107854207813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297596278034469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredtiredtired111,2019/01/13,"I am tired and want to die Life sucks, everything is hard work, I don't want to work hard, why do I have to play this game? No one asked me.

​

I've also been on antidepressants for over a year now, and things were looking better because I got better at adulting but it's so energy consuming and I don't get any joy out of it.",2.9842253521126736,3.7302482676056385,4.4071549295774695,88.75721126760563,73.36619718309859,7.933521126760564,24.059154929577463,8.238735603445708,1.1047329577464784,261,7,60,4,5,87,54,71,0.193,0.6509999999999999,0.156,-0.411,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,7,15,6,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,3,6,4,9,12,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,37,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400258753654093,0.0,0.22220434582531415,0.24919492918130784,0.13946159034549602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172233324006255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501500601721893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627535992917157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284090295225827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431288898382486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071459569106349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640213960657289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367423212241606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485423289255733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221574420831173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389676728057066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624619358116608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357095583062776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419232687052908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505301130281346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986017029608707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919492918130784,0.13206494566867186
suicidewatch,hiddencanada,2019/01/13,"I cant do this anymore I dont know how to start this. I'm not sure what to say. I'm just so worn out and tired. I'm trying so hard but I dont want to do this anymore, I just want it to be over. I cant do anything, I cant go to work, I cant around the house, I cant manage to even brush my teeth or get out of bed most days. And I cant seem to talk to the few friends I have left, what's there to say? I dont have a personality anymore I dont feel like a real person. I just hurt all the time so badly. I want it to stop *so* much, I need it to stop. Please someone tell it's okay to be done, I've tried so hard and I just cant anymore. I hope nobody's angry with me over this, I really did try. I just cant, it's too much. And i just needed to say something before i left i just
I'm sorry ",-2.9131044905008636,-1.3835150155440417,0.7524676165803115,103.99084304835924,95.52849740932642,3.631174438687392,12.704879101899829,4.7782277997778095,-1.6731794473229709,594,9,174,2,24,216,86,193,0.226,0.721,0.053,-0.9776,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,17,7,0,0,5,1,21,2,1,1,2,34,38,12,0,6,10,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,1,2,11,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,13,2,0,0,3,7,24,5,20,33,5,13,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,4,6,109,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161431814283337,0.0,0.0,0.08632640297487766,0.09338609710698867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758979800999317,0.0,0.0,0.08926490468336302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765389161459866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735240479699802,0.4917831203909034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928758042001065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053042214643831166,0.07494287373118003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104795933192259,0.0,0.05480759717304234,0.0,0.059618911377674576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794534100207747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419255688124973,0.0,0.12104421903299092,0.11230105528527208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765206041120186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279552878359633,0.0,0.0,0.05125040923007732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542318584028446,0.15556880104117266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831948722246321,0.0,0.11515222204049308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940281849292958,0.0672036821195685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25026972778126994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954999419171105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888414887138671,0.08075961567646749,0.0,0.117430554332138,0.07425103152257254,0.0,0.0,0.1754075605682275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887003334825116,0.0,0.0,0.0843172260248344,0.09169002878133913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116990499013445,0.12057080727983994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21366717939445465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562389249616004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637078580908847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,useles_jello,2019/01/13,"I can't accept any of my flaws and I don't believe anyone else will either DAE think people are really shallow/changeable?  If they realize the extent of my depression, they'll leave.  If I'm not interesting/funny, they'll leave.  I have so many fucking flaws I can't have a conversation without hyperfocusing on my own words.  Unconditional love is a joke.

​

If I can't find someone who will love me without caring about my appearance/mental health, I just want to die.  ",4.291,6.65657982222222,5.579722222222222,75.09625000000003,73.0,8.055555555555555,27.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4896666666666682,384,15,66,8,8,128,63,90,0.16699999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.134,-0.2292,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,3,0,3,7,1,0,3,0,12,4,0,0,0,15,19,5,1,4,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,14,5,7,15,3,1,0,1,0,3,7,1,1,3,0,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198655111132192,0.22278523026281785,0.12468143962646358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281996550311751,0.1878594516074754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065679454446365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693327509763727,0.0,0.19395555872996068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791547955917082,0.0,0.1902840066984868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316189983776152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757475094234556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950024916691597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488802494239227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882734845681667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33095350797532314,0.0,0.0,0.18588387650843546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710890092608818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745602226001912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534831186519935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748059340522647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814211047855582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534776408822519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278523026281785,0.0
suicidewatch,elaustero,2019/01/13,If l die i will make everyone i know happy Too alcoholized to read guys thanks bye,-1.019117647058824,0.06513988235294299,1.3380882352941192,93.03889705882357,120.76470588235296,6.405882352941178,16.014705882352942,7.1686216300943375,0.9450117647058828,66,2,14,2,4,22,16,17,0.181,0.512,0.307,0.4019,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381636577318001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706185471548432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412290726764585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535900336369208,0.0,0.3801448479783845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625553541139173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383703197939008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35720157673715863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287742493331253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilovewastingyourtime,2019/01/13,ending my life after this sleepover im having a sleepover with my best friends right now and theyre all asleep. afterwards when they are all gone i think im gonna kill myself. i have nothing to live for and i dont make anyone happy. i feel like everyone hates me and/or is tired of me. i hate myself. i hate how much i fucked up. it doesnt even matter in the end anyways. its whatever people will get over it. im not shit but i am full of shit. life isnt for leople like me anyways,-0.641964285714284,1.5307527980769289,1.4898351648351669,97.61230769230772,93.1346153846154,4.125274725274726,16.082417582417587,5.773587663045528,-0.6564043956043957,377,9,86,3,14,125,73,104,0.163,0.691,0.147,0.0803,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,7,0,2,0,9,7,3,2,2,12,19,5,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,1,16,5,10,16,5,12,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,8,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497693683651232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755600012603962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595551626921188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659476986141851,0.0,0.0,0.09916185796825913,0.0,0.0,0.14345913364428511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591208298730619,0.10725550748945188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599288333018852,0.1387961375265905,0.07843863407424134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598200590663795,0.0,0.4446776827516741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865103058075918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610063637053205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120876698584316,0.1466954328634731,0.0,0.13257076096904316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021537524901353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036550522051823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405728352345498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408376731303716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821331431078364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30822006254821976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619957893348006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255654179473792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungdepresso,2019/01/13,yikes I really thought I wasn’t doing that bad. But I’m on a road trip home from a concert and we’re driving past all of these accidents and I can’t stop thinking about how much easier it would all be if I crashed and died. ,1.7086734693877546,3.0233696122448985,3.3956632653061227,92.53594387755103,77.36734693877553,7.348979591836735,24.494897959183675,8.07648339933343,1.1432000000000002,177,6,42,3,4,59,40,49,0.24,0.7020000000000001,0.058,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,12,8,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,4,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181640546859503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954737438170627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822280886698213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28011843014867915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637590244736958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24411285878919536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185780876363675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441639258386738,0.0,0.30251419901485044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706897276571155,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,methylphenidate1,2019/01/13,Reasons to keep going What are some of your reasons (if any) to keep living a little longer,6.41,6.074862222222228,6.507777777777778,80.465,65.66666666666667,7.2,29.11111111111111,3.1291,1.2140444444444447,72,2,13,0,1,23,15,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549459449812056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009465943991435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5633289361243771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176048603141963,0.2798177641556461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6516269444060956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shefollies,2019/01/13,"things are not better I’ve been dealing with depression for the past six years, but I’ve definitely been on the uptick the past year. It’s been more than two years since I last self-harmed, and my last suicide attempt was even before that. I’m attending a school I love, I have a wonderful relationship with my family, I’m on medication, I’m seeing a therapist, I’m meditating and exercising, I’m able to manage my schoolwork, and I recently started dating someone, but I, as fucking dramatic as it sounds, am hating myself more and more every day.

I feel angry and sad all the time and I miss cutting myself. I can’t keep doing this thing, and I found myself coming up with a suicide plan again.

Things are supposed to get better. I know life has ups and downs, but if I’m feeling like this even when everything should be fine, I feel as though there’s no point in continuing here.

I swear I’m trying to feel better but it’s as if nothing works, and I don’t think I want to be here anymore.",4.7798260533436405,5.431198733668347,5.9156783919597995,79.91477773482801,69.20100502512562,8.937147274835716,28.37301894085813,9.057496981413335,2.176908465403943,784,26,156,14,13,262,116,199,0.204,0.688,0.108,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,0,6,8,12,3,0,8,0,15,5,0,0,1,32,40,21,2,4,7,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,13,0,1,8,1,0,2,4,6,0,2,5,6,20,6,19,32,4,24,0,3,1,2,3,7,1,3,16,102,29,3,0.12664812388899346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560090753181208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776822535444508,0.0,0.0,0.33602992088758155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909614453909283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167756257052429,0.13056865462909395,0.1090818435262762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729978276355287,0.0,0.10670650666527044,0.0,0.11382316743325682,0.0,0.11939257980816337,0.0,0.2561483871544705,0.09047744501178864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886313086422813,0.0,0.11708414975469456,0.06616841752345383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250388022983061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257067164232593,0.0,0.0,0.06960249675481317,0.2064702489389044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945531533278978,0.061873876088324536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430487648270532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275846607597624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152229059027925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417999295719365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972341336641855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504974339687092,0.13597268831953616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817466279629894,0.10092215755165182,0.0,0.13212161414571308,0.0,0.0,0.10476463682657602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730854438244797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964219394294584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770649834245216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704823323841734,0.2524181578884689,0.08115100396095888,0.1244311386932889,0.0,0.0738495395169053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598576271943621,0.0,0.12371681434739346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470034480947145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734448791034906,0.0922013425630628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467171838799184
suicidewatch,throwneoffawaypp,2019/01/13,"I want to kill myself 

I fell in love with someone who didn’t want anything back. My entire life changed when I met her I was so happy and so full of life and no she doesn’t want to know me any more becahss I pushed her away from me and it has been the biggest mistake of my life. She is friends with my friends and I am no longer in the friendship group 

I thought I’d be with this girl for life , I could imagine spending s life with her, waking up to her every morning. But she just wants to be with someone else 

It has torn my faith in women in two. I have lose all faith in women. I went clubbing last night, to see if i could meet a girl, I was having a good time, then I look around and see girls getting drunk guys getting drunk, all for what? It made me realise I’m never going to find a girl at a club expecuslly one I’d spend my life with. That is what I crave. I crave a life partner. I don’t give a fuck about random hook ups. I could get a hook up if I wanted (being over 6ft, dark hair, beard), I don’t care for that. I want a life partner to share memories with.

I’ve been told loads  times “focus on yourself be happy with yourself don’t let other people determine your happiness” etc well you know what people make me happy being with a girl will make me happy. I can not focus on myself or be happy with myself if I have no friends because I’m always sad that I have no friends and it stops me from “being happy with myself”

I wake up every morning wanting to kill myself, slashing my wrists or shooting myself in the head (unlikely , we don’t have guns in UK) every morning I act out slicing my wrists on some random impulse or tick or something 

I just want the pain and sadness to end. I’ve been on anti depressants and they don’t really work. I’ve been having lots of existential thoughts lately. I want to kill myself so badly but I don’t want to upset my family. I am just so sad and alone all the time. 

",1.6045555555555566,3.3028870296296304,3.132314814814816,92.6429166666667,78.7037037037037,5.3888888888888875,21.62037037037037,5.985473137389443,0.13274074074074038,1497,42,328,9,36,492,186,405,0.126,0.746,0.128,-0.2774,0,1,1,2,0,4,33.0,1,2,1,2,13,31,4,1,14,0,39,19,6,3,4,68,72,24,3,17,13,0,1,0,6,1,9,0,0,10,13,23,2,1,6,4,2,5,14,13,1,2,13,4,61,18,51,47,8,39,2,5,3,2,33,22,1,11,12,223,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182436398195369,0.0,0.0,0.05770369409886705,0.0,0.0,0.047159510650941865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057068091274656965,0.06173506748609156,0.0,0.0,0.06515540938019156,0.053324888410834714,0.05790328816338754,0.042274338713555334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070564636078637,0.0,0.07336175508670935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610794039327045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972995469518656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793196058978065,0.0,0.06142238601325995,0.0,0.07734215919676728,0.0,0.0,0.17528787384115652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537580547183561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338347772988916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431460973185065,0.0641117782235476,0.10869553868447546,0.06652561555440265,0.039412478210020516,0.0581664197862606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866614013214363,0.0,0.5167610464954406,0.0,0.0,0.07117179832655968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017226599128254,0.0,0.07622449059243147,0.05652846622478444,0.07822838172418682,0.0,0.0,0.07091376920357027,0.3918644393489057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823546256092186,0.07758348387019827,0.0,0.058957805538341235,0.06258993131250352,0.06561943979516795,0.0925816240574196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348601145902022,0.0,0.0,0.06507908002396988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699249040242267,0.0,0.07379193219433954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615534733978258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442656861665679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052390945058732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751789825272012,0.053388036103764185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797863881624748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011028166813694,0.12131339662982292,0.0,0.0,0.06626567802423641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774362696045351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090367440581209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235283166917116,0.06428696228010647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048669729165805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meltingmoms,2019/01/13,"i don’t wanna do it anymore I’m sitting with tears steaming down my face, I just want to die. I want it all to be over. The friend I loved and cared about the most out of everyone I’ve ever known doesn’t care at all about me anymore and ignores me all the time and it hurts so fucking much

I tried to ask if they still even wanted to talk to me and they ignored me for days and still won’t answer me
I apologised so many times and they say it’s fine but then pretend I don’t exist

I’m sorry. just 
fuck
It’s so stupid but i cant stop crying, I’ve cared and loved them for years and they don’t even look at me anymore ",-1.3718174933737224,0.6286173237410111,0.7609996213555483,102.63681181370691,95.18705035971225,3.501855357819008,15.229458538432407,4.9825596385082,-1.193526618705036,484,11,121,2,19,159,77,139,0.14800000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.19,0.6338,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,5,0,12,13,3,0,3,0,8,5,1,0,4,29,22,15,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,2,20,7,17,20,5,15,0,1,1,4,11,5,2,2,9,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335203466913374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362207036277709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456881512571789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005738252628166,0.09397194637708267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512256661545168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248231362413012,0.1318045107110829,0.0,0.13923370598402912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257644322515133,0.2694161063597921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598731268077087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223610700713835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26302086853282786,0.0,0.0,0.14772872160987366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711481321750346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158757359337364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311223924256182,0.0,0.0,0.2327309905193308,0.12182144650120537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711748804942862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699312454742447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892863142783603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25783348238596354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093833511826835
suicidewatch,drunkenk1ttens,2019/01/13,I feel so lost How can you be so happy yet so unhappy at the same time??? Its been like this my whole life. I am so so so sick of it.,-3.1528125,-1.6759156562499982,0.4362500000000011,106.18375,96.1875,4.45,11.125,5.985473137389443,-1.593025,97,1,30,1,4,35,26,32,0.257,0.5760000000000001,0.16699999999999998,-0.5998,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,2,2,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22831366485271576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806758287547479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189381141309774,0.22060105964827495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929124311229389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26329830458190084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041315383685714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rex-tyler-earl,2019/01/13,"Why was I born? TL;DR I’m ugly and can’t get a girl to look in my direction

I am a fat, ugly Jew with disgusting acne that doesn’t get fixed no matter how much i treat it and try to fix it. I have social anxiety linked to a rejection a few years ago where I can’t actually talk to people I don’t know very well, and I am a depressed sack of shit.

I realized today that I have literally never held hands with a girl, never had a girl choose to hug me because they want to, only because they already hugged all my friends. The looks on girl’s faces when they see they have to interact with me is just depressing, I can see the sadness and disappointment. The last time a girl liked me was 4th grade, and I’m so disgusting nobody even tried. All my friends talk about which girls in our school are good at what and all the girls they’ve been with and I just sit off to the side trying not to cry because I’VE LITERALLY HAD NOTHING. And it’s not like I don’t put myself out of there or anything. I dress well and don’t treat other people like shit.Anytime I have classes with people they all say I’m funny and they seem to like talking to me. BUT NOT GIRLS. I’m just so disgusting.

Writing this makes me realize that I’m ugly inside too, like it’s not the girls’ fault I can’t seem attractive to them. Whatever, I’ll kill myself anyways so it’ll be fine eventually, just really don’t want to die a kissless virgin I guess.",2.011437451437452,3.7426442760942753,3.7242592592592594,88.7072435897436,77.61952861952862,6.993473193473193,22.534188034188038,7.882392219407189,0.9733222999223003,1118,33,243,18,26,374,152,297,0.174,0.708,0.118,-0.9677,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,1,0,7,0,17,27,5,0,15,0,24,7,4,2,6,47,43,17,2,2,10,0,1,5,2,1,1,1,0,9,12,16,1,1,7,0,0,1,15,11,2,0,6,6,34,16,27,35,6,19,1,5,4,3,26,8,1,4,14,152,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.11602732521187888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053959289525167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312069317632901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909566668681017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978429472288755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174374050103991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060390200937255,0.0,0.0,0.20481339658260345,0.0,0.1233973826886961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853102690522681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372064477722064,0.0,0.12423862580035985,0.0,0.0,0.09972602577943722,0.0,0.0,0.13097958380051644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315430530553879,0.0,0.0653432473734686,0.09691776287280604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904378563772676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996887985187545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936535772168375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740373201413533,0.0,0.1834029798361923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408586567524295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042730892549464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728676828162666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952535916039005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616912203702744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455248500436177,0.0,0.12033115317131647,0.18949267091932948,0.2164806004966005,0.0,0.0,0.244094236641398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120156754529934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866971961811223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933039695499411,0.0,0.11270142926069762,0.0,0.0,0.24217187138120685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810332606477548,0.14025827627889365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138072145856728,0.0,0.10728697791021374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656643255311868
suicidewatch,Spwarklyz,2019/01/13,"Death has terrified me since I was a child, I could never stop thinking about how I might go to hell once I die. This is the only thing keeping me from doing it. And even if I don't go to hell, the alternative is a void of nothingness. not fun. And as for heaven, I'm not getting in to there if it exists, I told god to fuck himself once and despite the fact that I don't believe he exists I still apologize to him frequently for it.",3.438405797101449,3.743829217391305,5.1400000000000015,85.52166666666669,72.04347826086956,8.307246376811595,27.28985507246377,8.344100000000001,1.625363768115942,336,11,75,5,6,115,62,92,0.262,0.655,0.084,-0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,2,15,17,7,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,12,2,12,13,0,7,3,0,0,1,6,1,3,3,4,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712583405784726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922302928113311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498747992315605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902221063226324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258224148808314,0.12578914156140242,0.0,0.2736632171392353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400191633507812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554123304471217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856918751698798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128111510020426,0.0,0.1831117092638153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916229261091165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227427132495084,0.2012893066411386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995276187488558,0.15427171310960733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300601162072399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lalesswatch,2019/01/13,"fucked up world i don’t get why i have to live. i didn’t ask to be here. this world is so messed up. There’s suffering, crime, and injustice. Then there’s my personal life which is just all the more reason to end things. School and friends are a complete drag. We all die eventually, why can’t i just die now? because i’m too scared of the physical pain.",-0.1629729729729732,2.131170000000001,1.3284324324324324,98.71859459459463,92.24324324324324,5.662702702702703,18.210810810810813,7.1686216300943375,0.15538810810810855,276,8,66,5,10,88,55,74,0.38,0.585,0.035,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,8,6,1,1,3,0,8,3,0,1,2,8,12,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,6,10,3,7,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138118448290838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941875532252868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397968144954275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747272302213035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256810319217888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669984348369716,0.21143759059145026,0.11949090294219962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154378179447051,0.0,0.0,0.2019540513279737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433622772691745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969969334168367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351507270712068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289773969286826,0.23146550522253265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194395722304055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127482184174041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,janaluna,2019/01/13,"Please read I’m 19 yrs old... just so miserable really. My family is poor across the country. I’m in this depressing city all alone, living with a shitty “boyfriend” and his crazy parents. I wish I could just be like normal girls my age. Good family, good well off parents, grow up in my nice house. They’d buy me a car for my birthday, help me go to college. I could travel a bit, have some cool girlfriends, hang out with people. Be happy and okay. But instead I’m here all alone, trying to help myself, trying to help my parents. I’m such a disappointment. I hate working at little jobs like Taco Bell or Target. I want my own business, I want to go to school and move out. But it’s hard for me to even make $500 which goes so quickly I’m just necessities. Idk why it’s so fast to go... now I’m desperate and started to become a sugar baby... like a poor courtesan or concubine in old time I like to tell myself to make it sound better. But I just got fucked over and completely used. The man lied to me about everything and I had sex with him already. Now I feel so used and worthless, even more so then before. I’m so done. I got into a car accident a few days ago and crashed my boyfriends car, now his parents hate me and I have to move out. I’m so tired, tired of everything. And when I see these well off wealthy girls just living life and doing what they want I’m so confused like how do you have that? Why don’t I deserve that or have that? Why god, I just want to leave. Please, I’m so tired of this all. ",1.4654154351395758,3.2774018666666684,2.9560481663929963,93.2157142857143,79.53968253968253,6.1226053639846745,21.020799124247397,7.0983637204850245,0.3781538040503558,1168,32,264,14,29,382,160,315,0.19,0.639,0.172,-0.9254,5,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,2,2,29,22,3,2,10,2,15,7,0,5,3,49,45,29,0,8,12,4,2,5,1,0,4,1,0,3,11,18,1,0,1,2,3,11,1,8,2,0,4,6,35,14,34,36,8,39,0,4,1,2,18,14,1,5,19,157,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658908754693841,0.0,0.0,0.17897032343837727,0.09534542067664792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542288480992384,0.07352070889490746,0.0,0.0,0.07641447780580488,0.09432728548699944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058958487013637,0.0,0.0,0.13796800124507302,0.0,0.0,0.05572136203637894,0.0,0.07441687415041404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884180062729554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413381436212999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530291847775368,0.0,0.1629019513946358,0.0,0.04368683566966409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987613846299263,0.0,0.0,0.1473106808407168,0.14493776742687312,0.1382052098594078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197524797622066,0.07739813733617974,0.17060578577974087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737378856246771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969491170693608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573945259199245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148596172367444,0.0,0.0,0.06102743342068885,0.21105530953710055,0.0865962902633334,0.15258696168369826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534639698424473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366073322110624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465442994811696,0.0,0.0,0.18132619065402036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837514114935175,0.0,0.0,0.05989942917578168,0.0,0.0,0.1896842443348001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642417166144334,0.0,0.05535055873643428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744221258312602,0.06885024358522514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061154924133751815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755180990615555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038099568762558,0.2979149954180337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732093034306434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924508385906432,0.0,0.0,0.20384569893485155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536937373972567,0.0,0.23388982360543814,0.0,0.09935664492855753,0.0,0.0,0.06290080442545751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatBelgianGuyInLove,2019/01/13,"My story: not a good one Right now, I just need to vent my emotions.
I'm 22, male and Belgian. But here is my story.

I was born in a family with not much wealth. My parents were very young when they married. Didn't have a High school diploma. My brother was born when they were in their early 20's and after some miscarriages I was born 10 years later. 

My father started to heavily drink and was having an addiction. With his hard job in construction he was starting to have some fisical issues. He had to stop working when I was 6. My mother tried to keep us living but she had to give up a lot for it, even her food sometimes. My father would steal money, even my few bucks I had collected as a child, just to buy alcohol. The relation between my father and mother didn't go great.

When I was 14, we had to move house. My father was very sick at that time. It was in and out of the hospital. Mostly cause of liver failing and lung problems cause of his drinking and smoking. But after we moved, he was in the hospital. After a month and half he finally moved in. After about 2 weeks that he lived in the new house, he went into a coma. He died the next day. My last words to him were a very annoyed ""good night"".

The years after weren't that good. I just kind of ignored that my father ever existed. But somehow I did decide to never drink any alcohol. I had some friends in high school. But even then I knew I wouldn't see them after we finish High school. And so we did.

But around my 18, I did get closer to some people. One of wich I kind of had a crush on. But I could never tell her that. Those people seemed to be friendly against me. But I always kind of felt left out. Maybe it was because I don't drink. I'm not really the social person, not a dancer, don't like parties, a bit a geek,.... 

Some of those friends change though the years but it pretty much stayed the same. I still have the feeling I'm the outsider. Some of them care about me, some of them only seem to care when they need me. I also did some stupid things, like talking behind their backs, which probably also didn't help. I regret those things off course.

My love life is non-existent. To affraid to ask out or even talk to girls I don't know. And there was that girl I had a crush on. Last march, after all those years, I told her I had feelings for her. She turned me down. She was very friendly about it and all. But still I have the feeling I lost a good friend along the way. 

My studies also weren't going great. After 3 years of college, I failed miserabele. Last summer I had to mis my vacation, my highlight of the year, cause I had to redo my exams. Probably knowing back then that I was about to fail. These last few months I'm just thinking what I want to do with my life. Cause I don't really want to study 4 years but I also don't really want to work. And I know that just sounds lazy. And I probably am a little bit. But I'm also very conflicted. 

All of this story kind of drove me in a depression the last few years. Even having quite a lot of suicidal thoughts. But I just can 't take my life cause it will break my mothers heart.  

And here I am now. Crying and writing my story, in bed, on a saturdayevening. Cause my friends are at a party I wasn't invited to. 

Thanks for everybody who read this, sorry for all the spelling mistakes. I justed wanted to tell my story. Again thanks you wanted to read",1.2114329170669222,3.3781651152737813,2.621616234390011,93.43481308037144,82.28530259365994,5.4693884085814926,19.29306756324048,6.691623216298621,0.10257323086775516,2626,67,566,28,72,850,291,694,0.146,0.76,0.094,-0.9897,2,0,6,0,0,0,95.0,5,1,8,7,41,37,2,0,36,0,60,17,3,6,7,111,104,44,2,13,25,10,5,2,6,3,8,1,1,5,26,28,7,4,13,6,4,7,18,13,0,3,44,7,92,24,87,55,23,99,0,6,1,1,64,30,0,15,61,398,118,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604828815423738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989076040602977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557672905631405,0.04278013861784394,0.0,0.0,0.03496293321083219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045768902422640576,0.0480646686696392,0.0,0.0,0.07906759363059074,0.0,0.03134118358254452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226042046762984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483895007470873,0.3168948728766575,0.05438865051655962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410494846504012,0.0,0.0564752996745427,0.03315744484184832,0.0,0.04428235975879729,0.0,0.053359080848122215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146257004383614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783325116668195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979061153563335,0.04650644114864626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846805848420092,0.0,0.07798860927445013,0.0,0.04936500882972519,0.05632096033789525,0.0,0.0,0.06216939079524494,0.0,0.23833158834984464,0.0,0.026861424181358583,0.049320500177658766,0.058438937313392426,0.17249276949905254,0.0,0.11336709862708802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046056384406230035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609252279113377,0.03446137560778802,0.16296351080814664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864851881321632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366232126100106,0.05101995116761875,0.04569866825503485,0.0,0.2141569338789321,0.08476652122215128,0.2095442639085621,0.0,0.0,0.05586090247318177,0.0,0.1089445959432021,0.050236064078884514,0.05152981931849699,0.09079809934131383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612389286490977,0.087419813685157,0.04640267801646348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051651756667205714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207550728973917,0.16393319569476172,0.07558965516692571,0.07624489614019607,0.07930649917878999,0.049655464712366176,0.05467882514520682,0.04824807333438731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967821678691498,0.03910227253365885,0.0,0.0,0.05708859131651545,0.0,0.0,0.07128727462395852,0.04489227246305928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230599827601154,0.16629729960022446,0.049195762119016835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054684570482957474,0.10285479751897897,0.0,0.09881038606363927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390683573276034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609957660481796,0.04096989144907267,0.09360981256052447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052409573855258164,0.0,0.0,0.050849251838611685,0.05755318777811945,0.07278145937812641,0.05479993480385729,0.0821177519317122,0.04298397605503861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056238008434531236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386565426389565,0.08264842433787878,0.08987530500636291,0.09466925973144824,0.0,0.0,0.06831367051827493,0.03294368554855905,0.05051348850265551,0.04081656457680085,0.029979616874749343,0.0,0.0,0.049127788710114965,0.0,0.03490638181192315,0.05592310851363648,0.0,0.0,0.06184409272927135,0.0,0.0,0.2121075501320004,0.15162502924523796,0.040809631720989115,0.04124079688665308,0.0,0.0,0.047660816185372386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485925960974701,0.0,0.0,0.036522665002745584,0.0,0.0,0.26486879224406185
suicidewatch,TheBigBnananananan,2019/01/13,I fucked up really bad and I desperately need someone to talk. Title says it all I just really badly need someone to talk to please. ,0.8411538461538477,3.3928588846153858,3.737307692307695,79.84519230769233,94.76923076923076,7.215384615384615,18.03846153846154,8.07648339933343,1.5514153846153844,105,3,19,3,4,37,18,26,0.416,0.518,0.066,-0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344082261673628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404931113405815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857776159020763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855530761135773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333017429512319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068719397671678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408276571343347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181776579576309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeadEndSquid,2019/01/13,"Body dysmorphic disorder I am an abomination of a human being. In a time where what race you are and what ethnic group you are apart of matters so much, I have nowhere to go. I am half mexican (so whatever that entails, mostly native) and half white. This is horrible because I am white enough to where any person of color sees me as white, and treats me as such. And every white person sees me as a mexican. I have been called every racial slur in the book by whites and POC each seeing me as what they hate, as what I am is pretty much up to interpretation. I have no identity, no people, no home. On top of this I am ugly, my face is very asymmetrical and I am short as hell (male).  I know people go through much worse, I know I am weak for thinking this way. I have been diagnosed with 3 mental disorders and given medication and it hasn’t helped at all. Nothing could help. How could I change my race, my height, my face? I have nothing to make up for these things. No intelligence, no good looks. Nothing.",2.8920029411764716,4.703893865000005,4.220235294117646,85.75982352941179,75.35,7.505882352941178,23.264705882352942,8.313332769828598,1.2894088235294117,783,23,162,14,17,258,113,200,0.175,0.767,0.057,-0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,1,1,6,5,2,0,5,0,23,6,3,2,1,21,35,17,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,11,10,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,3,0,2,3,10,26,2,25,29,7,16,1,0,10,0,11,12,1,1,1,118,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091243193001279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179146884691718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903751088963907,0.0,0.0,0.13700706394477366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193872425509355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425468097734848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618419159890804,0.0,0.0,0.30755097333194376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386380222248321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609543770224375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525088070821102,0.11253912081560573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246944173743178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986854402117414,0.0,0.13458786306033316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474774824961102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267270327069925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956245384698752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516659208542586,0.13521623699253435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959008667996609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862318663628066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603926958376066,0.2343118213745217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650360131523678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320758875422759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913950935034236,0.08597353776225325,0.0,0.0,0.07823817161197634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070793183751827,0.0,0.106501393374961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673517638730912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DragonsInBowties,2019/01/13,"I want to die but I'm scared of dying. I feel as though I am building up the nerve to finally do it. I have a plan, I just need the courage to finally end it all. Maybe it'll be tonight, maybe tomorrow. I don't know but I know it has to happen.",-1.8701785714285712,-0.0747062321428551,1.2264285714285703,100.51857142857143,93.46428571428572,5.342857142857143,18.714285714285715,6.868970318607317,-0.030792857142857517,185,6,50,3,7,65,37,56,0.119,0.777,0.103,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,9,14,4,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,7,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756783958890698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297396957791605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587373685240746,0.0,0.0,0.5020825629421378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026516491671907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518884146125535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604581706765593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992445013215374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294361770971417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515544495693596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516865272342166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway110382063,2019/01/13,"I have an addiction I have an addiction I'm ashamed to admit. I regret it every time, and every time I cut myself. It's gotten worse. I relapsed again tonight and I want to take a scalpel to my neck. I just got a bunch of scalpels and I'm thinking of wanting to end it all. ",-0.8184322033898291,1.3149616271186453,1.6862500000000011,96.10869703389831,93.74576271186442,4.305932203389832,22.62923728813559,5.985473137389443,0.33216779661016993,212,9,48,2,8,72,36,59,0.201,0.743,0.056,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,4,0,2,3,1,0,1,10,11,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,0,6,9,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872690077547936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385667901984923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538830019180658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154261822700763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025199179708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259051222624666,0.0,0.0,0.3141237749572884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31774273009232123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744936959241092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mistakenlysimple,2019/01/13,"Concerned I'm terrible with time and so I'm not sure how long ago this was, possibly a couple of weeks ago? There was a post on this subreddit that I commented to but it was someone who was planning to die in 38 days or something like that. (They had three separate posts that described their 'plan') I just wanted to know if they are feeling a bit better and to know that there are people out there who care. I've also replied to many others but for some reason I can not find the notifications back then and I'm not too fond with Reddit yet. There was also this other person that I (or my other account) replied to and said that they were a loser, had no friends and no one would care if they died and I just wanted to let them know that I hope they are having a better day and that I would be their friend and I care. For anyone reading this, if you need to rant out please feel free to do it in the comments and I will be there. For me it was the little things that grew into one big snowball that destroyed me. But it was also the little things that people did that went a long way (not really but it did help a bit) I still don't think there's a reason to live but that doesn't mean I can't help others.",4.087554347826085,4.313593494071147,4.7555311264822135,89.13155755928854,70.58102766798419,7.431719367588933,23.71763833992095,6.9077264865688965,0.6023677865612647,946,20,211,7,16,304,127,253,0.12,0.6990000000000001,0.181,0.9627,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,8,5,17,15,1,0,12,0,27,0,0,3,1,49,46,25,2,9,16,0,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,30,14,0,0,10,1,2,2,9,3,0,3,14,3,23,13,22,26,3,26,0,1,0,0,19,9,0,7,13,161,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931379365972356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613584620916236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617356347948882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376833622916144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269761583885547,0.23786909946684295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332155697365007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054032672128938,0.0,0.14051491188608586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261255829409824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101669385019161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956942493614512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683339508235284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460407211743313,0.0,0.0,0.108202260061826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796121552374216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139879780254457,0.0,0.053222708740203455,0.21837352231393786,0.09619624634243662,0.19281740567248984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044832580544407,0.0,0.1186678811625168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080777823155584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764148050147471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105092024072794,0.0951224338847652,0.0,0.11958369243326243,0.0,0.12281377570420335,0.20866931233978026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896974178329724,0.0,0.06978992077237735,0.22401746456879906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036271352811846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230472962206944,0.08386753525856508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699983315967705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267490673889076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475013740165224,0.06980452043482388,0.0,0.0,0.06352394226435197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851157696705165,0.08647170843123904,0.08738530620016541,0.0,0.0,0.10098871337416987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477607153337425,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PunkieBooty,2019/01/13,Slipping I've been slipping deeper and deeper every day its getting so bad I dont know how much longer I can go I feel like such a failure I had to leave college for a semester and my mom left me. If I'm not even loved by my own life giver what do I have to live for,0.7303278688524557,1.8233371147540964,3.095868852459017,94.59626229508196,79.49180327868852,5.5357377049180325,22.036065573770493,5.6839178017228535,0.023856393442622803,208,6,51,1,5,72,47,61,0.196,0.725,0.079,-0.804,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,7,12,5,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,8,3,5,10,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426302063433572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740627396478768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405688866956044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193171255425354,0.0,0.24483429956262895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469308501256401,0.2075972924984462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518210900516255,0.0,0.1651487855683963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970046319884978,0.0,0.0,0.3076924644362693,0.3157264874522769,0.0,0.20525205215799647,0.14196741685894118,0.0,0.25659597055506594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226848994340146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34033506710924594,0.0,0.0,0.21361681656539616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lllambert,2019/01/13,"I’ve been increasingly thinking about suicide each day, and I’m scared I’m just tired. I don’t want this anymore.

I don’t see a way out. I have no hope.",-1.5450000000000017,0.4276039117647059,0.9443529411764722,100.40358823529414,98.11764705882356,3.896470588235295,18.564705882352946,5.6839178017228535,-0.5283341176470588,119,4,30,1,5,40,26,34,0.35,0.532,0.118,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,9,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521895559130588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290268840811377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527202364484541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555430672438232,0.0,0.2829894349362207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388450192713084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275503944083376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081650832409831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946250932412,0.2818824803339667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AOD_RL,2019/01/13,"This will be my last sunday. Im sorry for all the dissapointment. To my family and my girlfriend. 

But im sure they will feel fine. 
And to my son. I know youre stronger than me. You turn five this month. 
But your dad cant keep it together. 
After your mother and I split, I was depressed. I fought a war and hell for us to be together. 

To my girlfriend - I know you will find somebody better than me. You deserve better. I havent said this to you but, I love you.

My deepest love to all of you.

If it wasnt for this depression and anxiety, I could have been much more. But im only me.",-0.8801185958254258,1.2439535403225823,1.6240607210626197,96.41050284629982,94.241935483871,4.853130929791272,16.971537001897534,6.522977012572876,-0.2329235294117642,445,12,105,6,17,151,66,124,0.138,0.7090000000000001,0.153,0.4656,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,9,1,2,0,11,3,0,2,0,12,2,0,0,3,19,21,10,1,2,5,3,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,2,28,6,13,10,4,4,1,2,0,2,20,0,1,1,4,76,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286211679738338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30720566225182866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866662577923816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991747868013601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372683324318502,0.0,0.08781610284436467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873725782430978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628015642356552,0.0,0.0,0.15437173410333022,0.0,0.0,0.19089622483734026,0.14156960203060928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31349980846108066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862699802342301,0.0,0.1276722779236073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208887367821465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520620964993274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441672459468293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368813170860985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891025859922386,0.0,0.0,0.20891155482660997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suisuiiiiii,2019/01/13,"I guess I'm in crisis I don't want to be alarming. I've been depressed for about 10 years now and suicidal for about the last 4 or 5. Over this time I was sure with each achievement I made or major life change I'd see some improvement in my condition. That's not the case. I've experienced a growing level of anxiety that is preventing me from participating in my own life. I'm so consumed by the voices in my head I can rarely be present. Writing this post makes me anxious. It's like I've hit a wall where I can't get out in order to fix the problem which just makes my depression worse. I also believe that I may possibly be Bipolar. A big reason I want to end my life is I don't feel like the genuine good person I used to be. Negative thoughts about others pop into my head unprovoked all the time now. Sometimes they can be very mean spirited. What does that say about my character? Do I somehow subconsciously hold these views?   


Things that used to bring happiness seem to just keep me afloat now. I no longer talk to my close friends about whats happening. It felt burdensome after a few years of going through episodes. I have succeeded at appearing happy and fulfilled though. It's draining. At this moment, and many before it, I want to die. I want the emptiness, the shame, the weakness, the anxiety, the negativity, and the paint to go away. It's gotten to the point where I hold a gun to my head a few times a week and close the bolt with a round chambered hoping it'll slamfire into my skull. I guess that way I would feel like it was a twist of fate rather than an act. I don't know how much longer I can do that..

  
 I've pushed away several girlfriends over the years and have seen some of my relationships atrophy. Photography was a passion of mine and I can't bring myself to pick up a camera anymore. I wonder if I'll ever feel happy again. If I'll ever be the person to enrich someone else's life and be able to support them in their time of need. At this rate I only see it getting worse. The sad part of all of this is it's probably just chemistry in my brain playing tricks on me. Maybe the thoughts are internalized hate that have been given some lines.   


Have any of you gotten out of this place? I'm reaching out because I need help. At the moment I'm not the easiest guy to talk to but I would appreciate some advice. How do you go about loving yourself from a place like this? Sorry for the rambling by the way. Hope your day is going well. ",2.7309428158642888,4.568048014028059,3.8809041338490964,87.90758167497786,75.87374749498997,6.966509763713473,24.83110406860232,7.82057824672937,1.2513096984667,1945,66,405,29,43,632,245,499,0.109,0.775,0.116,0.9048,0,0,0,1,0,2,45.0,0,3,3,2,26,27,2,2,35,0,36,13,5,9,5,78,86,18,2,14,11,0,5,4,2,4,6,2,0,3,30,18,0,4,11,1,0,10,10,9,1,0,13,12,50,18,66,61,13,67,1,3,5,2,18,32,0,17,25,265,80,2,0.07961256427777694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779647641105045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366613888971097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054139273740044035,0.0,0.12180678752665675,0.08993953681840951,0.0789542712293784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959724964866125,0.0,0.0,0.04853108024662686,0.0,0.06774442845795951,0.08969609733293439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887395118981001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421953675658217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051343517776050764,0.0,0.13714036991003214,0.0,0.0826252725174276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966949149908584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665060817929615,0.0,0.07051310168911007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440282445891432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076351376624947,0.1137504636547727,0.07644054662393614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150846967350604,0.0,0.08318855789544878,0.0,0.18098261980529756,0.06677524172367094,0.0,0.0,0.17540443030366307,0.07882895530452459,0.07040112766630699,0.2542471651899328,0.0,0.07860092498421338,0.245116377523048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336262367456281,0.0,0.0,0.15814647963902967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076330510645687,0.0,0.0,0.043752983278640536,0.0648948656337959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493083429053334,0.15557871008068014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718534475427282,0.0753313332709059,0.10628400971421834,0.08071464449159865,0.0799815214729644,0.08672142172146624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852439508321675,0.11806341528966505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060548942612792124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621264892507921,0.0,0.0,0.13902924065519834,0.1663563699994602,0.0,0.07525960629739108,0.08975120421560158,0.07624682963271108,0.0,0.08583580951285193,0.07617847210217367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185497553141118,0.0,0.08547409986388263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331110652804016,0.0,0.0,0.12688181251188793,0.07247628847968474,0.0,0.08993953681840951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745546736002435,0.0,0.07873886175871887,0.08911974773233282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708322367783176,0.09034339449085096,0.07503389965580738,0.0,0.0,0.12797912699228114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289105015980482,0.0,0.07821894018784878,0.1264069664536598,0.18569090583061704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751938818550855,0.0,0.0656887032313909,0.1878302124057911,0.12638549572771532,0.06386039690778346,0.0,0.07158125637032507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633642991462652,0.0,0.0,0.16226400898140347,0.1131089629337484,0.0,0.0,0.15380364358331394
suicidewatch,periwinkle299,2019/01/13,"My ex boyfriend killed himself. (Please ignore the spelling and grammar mistakes)

Here’s a little back ground, I had a boyfriend last year in college. We started out as drinking buddies but it eventually led to more. We developed a very close relationship as he was there for me when my father died. We spent every day for months together until I decided to drop out. I started dating a new guy not to long after I left. College boyfriend would still try to snap chat me every once in a while but I would usually ignore them since my current boyfriend wouldn’t feel comfortable with me talking to him. Well he hasn’t snap chatted me in a while but I didn’t think much of it. Side note: He is actually from the town over from where I live now. Only about 20min away and are towns are so small everyone knows everyone. 

I work at the convenience store in town and his brother walked in. After his brother left I was talking to my co worker about it and explained I used to date his brother and how we where really close. She knew exactly how  was talking about and got real quiet. She told me he killed himself a few months ago. I looked up his obituary to make sure it’s true and sure enough it is. The last snap chat I got from him was November 12th and I ignored it. He passed November 12th. I know it’s not my fault. He didn’t say anything but “hi” but somehow I still fell like I could have stopped it if I just responded maybe he would have told me how he was feeling and I could have helped. 
 




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suicidewatch,mbk186221,2019/01/13,"Never enough I should want to keep trying for my son, but im so fucking tired. So fucking tired of feeling useless. Im no good for him or anyone else. Might as well get it over with before he is old enough to remember me. ",1.6815957446808518,3.198882212765959,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,77.93617021276594,5.5510638297872354,22.388297872340427,5.985473137389443,0.237259574468085,172,5,38,1,4,57,38,47,0.276,0.584,0.14,-0.8548,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,10,9,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,4,2,8,7,2,3,0,1,0,2,3,1,2,2,2,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133397370400868,0.1924523765018396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982812103684604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690651367866007,0.0,0.0,0.3881538618620015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497167483938014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472886297782515,0.09813257859608,0.0,0.0,0.15754153750221178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057737736506956,0.0,0.0,0.16695049837996254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992562337328244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448648294166683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970942934488517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277294473852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317621947346145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275231437296812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078604767253768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888027499155348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l-USE-CRAYONS,2019/01/13,"I feel like dying is a way out I feel like dying is a way out in my life right now, I’ve never been suicidal or even let anything affect me this deeply but i feel like I’m at my wits end. 

The girl Im in love with and have been in love with just purely doesn’t want me anymore, we were together for three years and we have been separated for a few months now but we’re still really close, I stay at her house and help her with anything I possibly can, she sweet talks me about being together and acts like she loves me but then she acts completely different like she hates my guts or overreacts and tells me how horrible I am. 

I know it’s dumb to most people but I die inside when I think about my situation I’m so desperately in love with her to the point I want to kill myself because I know it’s never going to happen but I can’t move past it because of how much it means to me I need help or therapy but because I’m a poor college student and my family is poor I can’t afford one and since school started I don’t have any friends anymore so I’m all alone except for her and she always thinks the solution to me feeling this way is to just not be a part of my life but that’s just as bad as anything else, so I’m stuck at a crossroads of constant disappointment and I think about killing myself almost every hour of everyday, I can sometimes get away from my mind for a little when I play video games but doesn’t last very long because I get bored or if I look at my phone I freak out.

Maybe I just need someone to talk to idk but I’ve been seriously considering taking my life for some time now.",2.862580645161291,3.842391058651028,4.332532551319648,88.2947988269795,73.89736070381231,7.684739002932551,24.197184750733136,8.109356740369918,1.1200361524926683,1265,36,285,19,25,422,168,341,0.18600000000000005,0.6509999999999999,0.162,-0.9371,2,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,2,0,0,0,19,21,4,0,10,0,23,8,1,3,4,64,55,33,6,5,20,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,7,19,0,0,10,3,2,4,8,9,0,2,6,6,51,12,41,46,6,44,0,1,1,4,24,16,1,8,25,183,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753839845726076,0.09054064819929494,0.0,0.0,0.07274035685882227,0.0,0.0,0.059448527301552666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339409358504915,0.0,0.0,0.2158173782145376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213387034593414,0.0,0.07299196195459394,0.2131614297501356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165809813235656,0.09446985151102028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721841518951189,0.09133518535163916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302810595820433,0.0,0.0774280806020803,0.0,0.0,0.05774001708927653,0.0,0.07365503309824946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241169814546824,0.0,0.17680850515619229,0.1873583743461811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754039509690646,0.0,0.09134657548179287,0.0,0.04968274171104998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730512566951807,0.0,0.0,0.0863090490886127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719142763650775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860909885475523,0.10087082321472632,0.0,0.0,0.09442848943132694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343432604185604,0.0,0.0960873776568885,0.0712588833364385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939276693852327,0.18524177440236905,0.21354472813445555,0.08761770221414526,0.0,0.07736385736192326,0.07341069570454438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155994783723956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878250359570002,0.09522589519010888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826917474329693,0.0,0.06977772726447266,0.0929135150181607,0.06426368250924812,0.12964149096020905,0.1348472267241059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923798423893487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466722878424738,0.0834521828722366,0.06060594896572765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264005869671125,0.0985527980995424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600342414216456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465611386332717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847360227275634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723146416665423,0.09826362629305004,0.0,0.0,0.07407059452342295,0.0,0.08646051285121231,0.0,0.061876252612965615,0.0931779779649922,0.06981364218237347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562317782792236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572888254534813,0.14052960262379968,0.0764088426332432,0.0,0.09997227024210494,0.0,0.0,0.16804541923906816,0.0,0.0,0.0509752445975114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213056987438922,0.10312503972511752,0.20816953408072927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056295547101622885
suicidewatch,chingchongcheng84,2019/01/13,"You can die simply by giving up the will to live, says new research. [https://bigthink.com/mind-brain/can-you-die-from-giving-up?utm\_medium=Social&facebook=1&utm\_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR2zZO8TIDY5I7OSq-8FTNM3b6N92jvT\_wxXLTuCbAZSj9TW7JY5WaIoa8Y#Echobox=1547312224](https://bigthink.com/mind-brain/can-you-die-from-giving-up?utm_medium=Social&facebook=1&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR2zZO8TIDY5I7OSq-8FTNM3b6N92jvT_wxXLTuCbAZSj9TW7JY5WaIoa8Y#Echobox=1547312224)

​

* Give-up-itis or psychogenic death is a real and terrible condition, finds new research.
* People can die in as few as three days after a major trauma causes them to give up on life.
* There are 5 stages of give-up-itis.  


Can you die simply by giving up the will to live? Yes, concludes a new study, led by [**Dr. John Leach**](http://www2.port.ac.uk/department-of-sport-and-exercise-science/staff/john-leach.html) from the University of Portsmouth in the UK. 

The first-of-its-kind study looked at the phenomenon of **""give-up-itis""** \- a word used for what is medically known as **""psychogenic death"".**

How is this possible? The research says ""give-up-itis"" can be catalyzed by a trauma that seems inescapable, with death appearing as a rational and inevitable thing to do. Without an interference, death can happen in as little as **three days** after the initial withdrawal from life.

What's important to note about this condition is that it's not the same as suicide. 

>**""Psychogenic death is real,"" said Dr. Leach. ""It isn't suicide, it isn't linked to depression, but the act of giving up on life and dying usually within days, is a very real condition often linked to severe trauma.""**

The doctor thinks give-up-itis could be caused by a change in the **anterior cingulate circuit** – a frontal-subcortical circuit of the brain, which controls motivation and the person's goal-oriented behavior. 

>**""Severe trauma might trigger some people's anterior cingulate circuit to malfunction, ""** [**explained Dr. Leach.**](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-09/uop-pcd092018.php) **""Motivation is essential for coping with life and if that fails, apathy is almost inevitable.""**

But death does not have to be inevitable even if you fall victim to ""give-up-itis"". Different interventions like physical activity that can give the person some sense of regaining choice and control can break the terrible cycle by releasing dopamine.

Dr. Leach identified **five stages** of progressing psychological decline leading to death:

**1. Social withdrawal** \- this usually follows a psychological trauma and can be considered a way of coping, according to Dr. Leach. This very passive state is marked by withdrawal from social interaction, emotionlessness, indifference, and self-absorption. Former POWs are often in this state right after being captured. 

**2. Apathy** \- a person in this state exhibits serious melancholy and lack of energy, as if they no longer wish to preserve themselves. This goes along with not putting forth efforts towards much of anything, especially bathing.

**3. Aboulia** \- this is when a person not only severely lacks motivation, but also has almost no emotional response to the point of no wanting to speak. The sufferer becomes extremely withdrawn into themselves and has no desire or ability to help themselves or others. 

Dr. Leach [described](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-09/uop-pcd092018.php) aboulia as if having ""an empty mind or a consciousness devoid of content."" The mind essentially goes on stand-by.

**4. Psychic akinesia** \- this state is reached when a person is conscious but is in such profound apathy that even extreme pain like from getting hit will prompt no response. A person in psychic akinesia would not only not bathe but often just lie in their own waste, found the researchers. 

**5. Psychogenic death** \- this final stage involves the person's complete giving up and subsequent disintegration. Dr.Leach said that someone who reached this stage ""might be lying in their own excreta and nothing - no warning, no beating, no pleading can make them want to live.""

Prisoners in concentration camps were known to reach this last stage when they'd take out a hidden cigarette to smoke. As cigarettes were extremely valuable and could be traded for things like food, a person smoking one was regarded as having truly given up. Their death would usually follow within several days. ",8.224457939942301,12.621697141768287,5.7243823760818255,66.58518620508787,76.0579268292683,7.760529766587988,30.22449514817729,8.460557738077197,3.485654491214268,3639,152,444,81,93,1032,312,656,0.18,0.721,0.1,-0.9964,1,0,3,0,0,2,303.0,0,3,7,11,14,17,1,0,41,1,52,15,1,14,0,93,78,42,15,14,21,0,0,3,0,7,13,5,2,8,28,19,1,3,15,2,1,8,17,13,0,4,7,6,10,4,91,53,10,67,0,3,1,0,36,29,0,19,22,287,38,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133946982543972,0.0,0.0,0.03647263002513525,0.0,0.345913068317945,0.055418604015284666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037531424785464576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503703545730397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274053667207954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370377594413498,0.048247122545506164,0.0,0.047819027056481216,0.0,0.10230630082529246,0.07282841172000673,0.0,0.0,0.1176533184321934,0.0,0.039282026996356315,0.0,0.2840028669375895,0.047650559945416886,0.0,0.04668162957858829,0.039911790345685885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051302761325074366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024719027983206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049961237307693175,0.04168480448402387,0.038794065878752435,0.05514926713183285,0.05000672045016531,0.0,0.0,0.02382825115012264,0.5250151699246866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040330925159032915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030570021433597386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047493621071186494,0.0,0.037176534749381714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885686557080409,0.06684516484960094,0.0457111085455293,0.1208178632181436,0.0,0.0382991586740276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030443634807269877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594517223279861,0.0,0.09676557262713036,0.18420395540862453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03352706236846993,0.0,0.0,0.13214521420983755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376202074799465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03090510090011406,0.06937374311814619,0.048530033002099966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323756596369473,0.31858455031341776,0.0,0.0,0.043114217764597104,0.051416067045256565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04584854764023215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557353630062871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03894890687789574,0.08676713511614484,0.07253848294080573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151972934771,0.0475789979880921,0.2060958310471698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859660872874582,0.03864343506768491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977530454924294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03429147316901097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059973913169684,0.02922370786305895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039390591718320704,0.15069201190260206,0.07526260620075442,0.053801455248341734,0.03620143695383755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052446846940416264,0.04396439877365582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479710297424746,0.0,0.055418604015284666,0.0
suicidewatch,Fartswithhands,2019/01/13,"I’m sure it’s quite common, but the only reason I haven’t committed suicide yet is because of my parents. I’ve never been one to ask for help and doubt that I ever will in this circumstance. I feel that once my parents have passed that I won’t be too far behind them. Is it wrong that I’m ok with taking my own life? I’m an impatient person, but I’ll take my time with this decision just so I wont have to worry about the pain I’ll put my parents through. ",5.478900000000002,3.828497089999999,6.6060000000000025,83.32300000000005,68.1,9.6,30.0,8.238735603445708,1.858600000000001,359,10,82,4,5,122,67,100,0.191,0.684,0.125,-0.879,3,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,0,1,3,1,10,2,0,1,4,14,17,4,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,1,11,2,10,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731908434952868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293131048316588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675761009788403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367180645796773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417426094296033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308529181475787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288207812102255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972932926434532,0.12553534095405053,0.14089674911177946,0.1971271428338052,0.0,0.6171199068502328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175978633570876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862350515815119,0.0,0.19704425621274047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047566238693486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264174053120812,0.0,0.17460309096213986,0.0,0.2785813118683317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080251935135694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881380804567689,0.0,0.0,0.20255009803356194,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squeenee,2019/01/14,"Deciding I could end things tonight. I will be twenty years old tomorrow and will have had a rare happy day in my life. I have been horribly depressed from a young age. I have anxiety and PTSD from being sexually assaulted in high school. I honestly don't see things getting better. I've been trying for years and it's not improving. I feel no passion in anything anymore, I have lost friends because I have lost my spark. I have no self confidence anymore. I know how I could kill myself tonight and I honestly might do it. I feel bad for how it will effect my parents and sister but I feel like i'm more of a burden to them alive then I would be dead. Initially it will be awful for them but long term they will no longer have to deal with my bullshit.  I don't want to wake up. I don't want to go to work. I want to be done. ",1.4202889576883349,3.504926040935672,3.031186790505675,91.24634674922599,80.98830409356725,6.596628826969385,23.509115927072585,7.724431198458867,1.0997592707258343,647,23,141,11,17,213,95,171,0.225,0.624,0.151,-0.9389,1,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,3,5,2,14,2,0,3,1,29,3,1,3,0,24,42,10,2,6,3,2,3,1,1,7,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,6,4,26,7,17,22,2,19,0,3,1,1,8,5,0,1,14,96,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620111511672555,0.0,0.3012828610416924,0.0,0.0,0.12499863908589982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268280059374676,0.09259526101931204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434092947003873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425554692854103,0.0,0.0,0.0979612735995825,0.15659957639658986,0.1308290304231075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544380444217615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345360338777592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041170775448305,0.10851555147398066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735557451789025,0.0,0.07936013574192607,0.0,0.08632680766463678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616976344818278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048797030018142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805199637603738,0.0,0.08347885286029465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728964411353263,0.07420940970075422,0.0,0.0,0.1344244420631834,0.0,0.0,0.33162796775426095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113916481853824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939079667355951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866411570754114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755996240365254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537283045130159,0.12104258228373417,0.0,0.15846214289966398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182780066895584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312838143467387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687791121170627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058313520644336,0.0,0.0,0.10790357326944183,0.0,0.0,0.1956339243627702
suicidewatch,xShadowX145,2019/01/14,Best way to kill yourself? I'm exploring different options and want to know what the best way is to kill myself. Not looking for sympathy or pity. Just a drug cocktail that'll kill me ,2.302500000000002,4.921112027777782,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,81.5,6.933333333333335,28.44444444444445,8.07648339933343,2.2209111111111115,147,7,28,3,4,47,30,36,0.34700000000000003,0.471,0.183,-0.8661,1,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,6,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,5,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502209443950141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411277540180524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487584822133886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7119562439215006,0.0,0.11788670929423052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801307425520822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652100489662352,0.3405292411485438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mylifeissuffer,2019/01/14,"probably gonna kill myself this weekend or tommorow life is so empty now. i haven't really felt happy for about three years.

i tried contacting the suicide text whateverthefuck and i couldn't get a response. it eventually timed out so i will have to wait another hour just for a human to contact me. this made me think about my own life, and how people purposefully avoid me and how i will never get friends or even a relationship outside of family.

fuck, my own father yells at me for crying.",5.076306990881459,6.703772436170215,6.0918237082066895,75.30500000000002,69.31914893617022,9.201215805471127,28.322188449848017,9.606745405546679,2.6847252279635265,395,14,71,9,7,131,68,94,0.258,0.742,0.0,-0.9779,0,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,2,1,4,0,6,3,0,3,1,16,14,9,2,1,3,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,2,12,2,10,8,2,8,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,2,6,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483482123765825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24600245568586998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791920585062265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111234730608154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503052603616635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302595512094385,0.2070414457607153,0.23401297026893655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23840271552460796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054913210640595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477714186343365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31637002713493023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191026144724534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272678199374022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526119133239288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414598022577341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347037707342605,0.0,0.0,0.2404422975494949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496883163974775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350039027666753,0.0,0.0,0.13058911443075233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204975793536973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421874187053027
suicidewatch,gmaio22,2019/01/14,so sick of the same shit evryday of my life is the same i dont know where to start or what to do im addicted to heroin and have been for about 5 years but ive always had anxiety and depression i dont even feel like writing this ive been thru alot ive almost died couple times ive overdosed been in juvie been in jail im currently 22 i wanna get my life over with but i dont want to burden my parents i used to have friends and ppl to talk to but now i hardly have that i go to methadone every morning but still get high on and off i cant keep living like this ,-0.5943526785714255,1.2669477343750015,1.896026785714288,97.75343750000002,87.28125,4.9071428571428575,17.736607142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.4116267857142857,442,11,109,4,14,151,77,128,0.191,0.753,0.056,-0.9399,2,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,3,0,18,5,1,1,0,21,27,10,1,2,5,1,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,2,15,3,20,22,3,14,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,3,8,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209683842339174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807962469288958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313568504212877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076677476941892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746753168221721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359694357023835,0.0,0.16383960005825324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550520275313292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426875967682037,0.0,0.13300860187199245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982160580435957,0.11277923753720685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196659405119473,0.0,0.1649565519089619,0.0,0.08971867548194931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141659641259455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679370540441127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410439403208555,0.0,0.0,0.1403182253347078,0.0,0.0,0.08675882164522858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223010326066744,0.15425034532758206,0.0,0.13939824342620707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529109985626976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204680049309828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173810536681948,0.0,0.12607169595433587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688641346264304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205271831123472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634521783766013,0.0,0.0,0.09311323866717236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016602898218468
suicidewatch,Russell_My_Jimmies,2019/01/14,"Why do I keep getting these sudden urges to kill myself? Every time I’m out or alone I just have the overwhelming urge to kill myself any way I possibly can. I usually don’t try to, but the anxiety and suicidal thoughts just really push me to the edge sometimes. Most of the time I go out I usually bring my dog (only to places dogs are allowed obviously) since I know that if I kill myself while I’m out then he’ll be sad and alone. I can’t even go out to do everyday tasks like going to the store or going to school without those feelings coming like a punch in the gut. I can’t breath. I can’t focus. The only thing I can think about is all the ways I can die ASAP. Since I have nothing with me I can use as an excuse not to. All of this has caused my stress levels to get so high that I practically burst into tears when I missed the bus today. Something so small caused me to cry for 20 minutes in the councilor’s office while she tried to figure out why I was so upset. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this being unable to stop these intrusive thoughts 24/7. Broke my 1 year clean streak from cutting which was a huge disappointment. No one knows I cut though so it was just a personal loss. My antidepressants and anti anxiety medications aren’t cutting it and my clinic keeps pushing back and canceling my appointments. Nothing I can do about it since I’m 17. These have been going on for many many years so I’m surprised I made it this long, but I just don’t know how to stop this. I’ve never been this open with anyone other than my doctor so I guess that’s a good step. I could NEVER trust my family with this sort of information though since all they do is belittle me and ignore my existence anyways and this would only fuel that since I was my mom’s last kid before my dad left (he didn’t want parental responsibility over two kids so I just tried to take my brother and failed)... I don’t even feel like I’m actually living though. I just feel like I’m watching someone live on some sort of auto pilot while I’m in a purgatory. I even lose track of the days since they all just seem to merge together into a big grey blob of time. Completely forgot new years was even close until a bud of mine brought it up a week before it happened. I think I’m getting too off topic and rambling so I’ll stop here. I don’t even know how I got to this point. 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suicidewatch,mayallurbaconburn,2019/01/14,Jumping from building How fast do you think you’ll die from jumping off a 7 story parking garage? That’s about 70 or more feet.,3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846157,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,72.84615384615384,5.2,28.384615384615394,3.1291,0.6528307692307691,102,4,21,0,2,31,23,26,0.157,0.843,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8508934746371642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253382670431441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AffectionateLove,2019/01/14,"I know this is my fault I know it's my fault for not taking my meds lately. I know I should have been. Life just seems so pointless. I dont feel like anyone will ever stay. I dont feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I'm an awful sister and daughter and friend and worker and most of all I'm an awful girlfriend. I cant do anything right. I avoid things I NEED to do because of my anxiety and I dont know how to spend my money right. 

I just want to not exist. 

I'm too jealous and too insecure. I'm too lazy and talkative and I laugh too loud and Im not supposed to be here. My own dad doesnt want anything to do with me. I deserve to die. 

I deserve to die. ",-1.5632432432432457,0.3831061891891885,1.2487027027027051,99.29021621621624,95.21621621621622,3.770810810810811,16.183783783783785,5.341637118332708,-0.8459632432432436,508,13,124,3,20,175,75,148,0.234,0.685,0.081,-0.9695,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,2,2,2,14,1,0,1,2,31,30,11,2,4,5,3,2,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,7,0,2,0,8,5,0,0,1,3,21,5,12,26,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,78,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238843774900856,0.0,0.0,0.20545069282896972,0.0,0.2417946119278569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955711585442658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049460702602492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165446403845031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180093466050806,0.0,0.0,0.13289168633203988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856777606419688,0.20991009061112487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350501815713307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232240870976654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869180794804574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229593054635825,0.0,0.165724845340534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037693612187328,0.1435490462232822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631877971818799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893451070461918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25092668017235426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337445474341179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565902607704142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046068054611544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976028121103518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330679646839472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whyarewestillhere0,2019/01/14,"Mood Swings One minute I’m happy the next I’m angry the next I’m sad for absolutely no reason. I guess I’m bipolar but I don’t know that for sure and I don’t want to go on medication, but the suicidal episodes in emotion like the one I experienced today are horrible. I’m also hopelessly an addict but smart enough so that nobody around me knows, so I suffer in silence. I need help but I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should just leave this world so I don’t burden people with my anger and what they could figure out about me. I have loving and supportive family but I just can’t seem to do anything. I don’t know how I’m still alive or how I havent attempted anything yet.",-0.16734679163662491,2.0961906575342475,2.278074981975489,92.41634823359767,91.05479452054794,5.539437635183852,17.2732516222062,7.0608816371341465,0.15863561643835622,540,14,120,9,19,184,84,146,0.225,0.586,0.189,-0.8482,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,12,13,1,0,5,0,13,4,0,3,1,30,31,15,1,4,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,0,2,18,7,12,29,1,12,0,3,0,1,3,6,0,3,7,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082666977699854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264903005281595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27299962140712825,0.1476626401445018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324365444483764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658543472495295,0.0,0.17139173350947806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637083477262725,0.0,0.08387065843908495,0.11850010802447293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426976958339643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272843266853,0.0,0.0,0.1765754944165096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118155419737792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646390935616601,0.0,0.0,0.17563615515017908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207489058525004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497073686061733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710016601737254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229931467182772,0.0,0.0,0.3528168364792083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480044105727126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499584458543535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054565108853215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100506385839513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246684332733347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814387578104509,0.18823135594338689,0.15633387203934385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572287445933179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783652631033496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnidentifiedTarget,2019/01/14,"Living with shame I have completely destroyed my families life and our future through very bad business decisions.  I have trapped myself, and my beautiful wife and young child now have to suffer for years. I have shamed them. I am a liability to this family. ",5.6173913043478265,8.21354139130435,5.8254347826086965,73.77989130434786,69.8695652173913,9.817391304347826,31.06521739130435,10.125756701596842,3.6923652173913037,208,9,34,6,4,66,36,46,0.381,0.5539999999999999,0.065,-0.9571,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,1,5,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004030338608052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772246973440664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6783411073104174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541247444152226,0.0,0.0,0.3176941947702796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968579202988744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316878830123981
suicidewatch,Drukija,2019/01/14,"Don't know if I'm making sense. All I want is to die. I grew up isolated. I was shy as a child, and it only got worse at time went on. When I was very young I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that deepened a depression that I think has been with me since before I was old enough to understand it. Started hallucinating around eight years old. Started to lose feeling when I was ten. Became suicidal when I was around 12.

I slowly lost my mind over the years. The loneliness, the isolation was crippling. Didn't know how to handle it. Had no friends (the few people I was around made it clear they didn't want to be around me). There are vital parts, pieces of my personality that are gone. I felt so numb. They're never coming back.

I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist that diagnosed me with severe Bipolar disorder with psychotic features. The medication, it helped. I can feel things again. But I'm never getting out of this situation I'm in. I live with my parents and brother, can't drive, have no friends and no way of making them, and I'm broke because I can't work.

Things should be looking up for me, and I think that's the worst part. The medication is helping but I'm missing pieces of myself that I can't get back. My childhood and teenage years have been robbed of me. My therapist has suggested I go to the hospital if I'm feeling suicidal but I can't just do that. I'm too embarrassed. I don't want to intrude on anyone or anything and I'm never getting out of here because my whole life has been like this. It's not going to change. There's only one way out and I'm at peace with it. It doesn't feel like running away because these situations are all I've ever known. I can feel again. Life is beautiful for some people, but all I want is out.",1.959341736694676,4.224433442577034,3.481981792717087,87.76117997198881,80.1204481792717,6.655742296918768,24.48249299719888,7.793537801064563,1.3442711484593834,1397,52,287,24,36,460,169,357,0.139,0.765,0.096,-0.9044,1,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,2,3,19,13,0,1,12,0,39,10,0,4,8,64,82,22,3,7,9,2,6,2,2,1,10,0,0,2,20,24,0,0,12,0,0,8,16,8,0,3,20,8,37,5,40,59,12,49,0,5,2,0,11,17,0,4,24,201,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159095823206789,0.0,0.07248630627098955,0.3136566799068183,0.0,0.0,0.08275859335848552,0.13546358768549302,0.0,0.1610870765931049,0.0,0.07495369895131568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318206600251333,0.07587727781206434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586733133845554,0.1788084879114726,0.09141814231830074,0.0,0.10095284161019216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101517154821563,0.0,0.0,0.07967776783385579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269167273674195,0.06292781710929514,0.08457524625630437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361082357267249,0.0,0.138062057647125,0.0,0.1001212727680254,0.0,0.07044948184676025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180828038910288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096818233219705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443383479678648,0.08606759304093893,0.0,0.07778051491780474,0.0,0.07396906889188931,0.09854438877795416,0.09615499262412697,0.0,0.0,0.08334799191778113,0.11759461034352026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774723898800572,0.0,0.0,0.08894056383684386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380934360532466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486041430446165,0.0,0.0596885575750671,0.13398495846004832,0.0,0.0,0.09780777484865877,0.1907745649470195,0.0,0.122133854509343,0.07691227224661447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019220173445817,0.0,0.0,0.09951078073809894,0.0,0.07286467809613244,0.19802206948401235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704067908800948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270100522905467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454654364447272,0.11703928842966448,0.11288239925045496,0.0,0.0,0.05136297024877285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169941007423456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267920622525377,0.2078188496838844,0.1398352693235387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165551594568138,0.0,0.09834356224894944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412680222439877,0.0,0.08976596272690758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017121940755986
suicidewatch,Lifeismeaningles,2019/01/14,"I Can’t Deal With Myself Anymore         I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why my brain decides to freak out whenever I mess up on anything. I messed up a book and next thing I know I’m throwing up my dinner and frantically scratching myself. Just, why?
I just wanna die. I don’t have a reason to live or die. In high school I’m gonna be all alone, just like I’ve always been, and even though people talk to me, they always ignore me when I talk to them. No one cares what I have to say. Which is good of course, since my mind is made up. 
I’ll make it through February, just not March, but at this pace of self injury and destructive thinking, I probably won’t make it far. 
Well, goodbye. ",0.5293468468468454,2.4553519797297336,2.290432432432432,96.21492792792795,83.25675675675676,5.298018018018019,18.65045045045045,6.42735559955562,-0.2162392792792791,535,13,126,5,15,176,93,148,0.181,0.7490000000000001,0.07,-0.9319,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,0,8,11,1,1,2,0,11,2,1,4,1,26,23,8,2,1,7,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,6,1,1,6,1,0,1,7,6,1,1,2,2,20,5,18,18,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,5,76,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645190932636738,0.0,0.0,0.2513869282356804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981026504020006,0.0,0.0,0.12430895794322393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863217119989193,0.0,0.0,0.1540150550595805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557355367911863,0.0,0.0,0.313551471810654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977326314552208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670139949343592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960247644559392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490547725618283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475999171981885,0.0,0.13338815639981566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429359910163647,0.20166655225737304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525268616682944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065331175734018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236171181839177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472551965116493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286750764505425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531415068849266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012844272096647,0.0,0.15288010717668085,0.0,0.0,0.15758782656642129,0.0,0.0,0.12495783922464485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24283153572055335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035710695973776,0.09679271949997967,0.14841502528295114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582047964947486,0.0,0.4089226501026864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,betamax59,2019/01/14,"My name is David Dear SW,

 

I just wanted to give you a view of my last few days. I swear my status changes hour by hour. I do not understand. I am 59 ½ and in recent retirement.  

 

All I can say is the pain was awful. There was no hope. I was in a hole with no way out. I could not sleep. Guilt and crying. I ran to cigarettes, to bed to internet all night long every 5 minutes for days straight.  I would walk around in circles and scream. This is nothing new to me. I have had this my entire life. I think you might understand. I just wanted to die. Earlier in the day I was considering a Good Bye post to SW.

 

I have guns and was fully planning to use one.  45. Cal to the heart, 2 inches to the left of dead center, do it under the oak tree out back, no mess. The gun was in my night stand. Why? There was no hope.  I have been planning this for YEARS, I have been in this for years, it took hold today. I was ready! I walked the house, 1 last time. I was ready.  Note: All that stuff you collected in life means NOTHING when you plan to kill yourself.  Nothing!! A child’s picture does!  Thank God.

 

Instead, I decided to go to a clinic to get medicine. They saw how bad I was and would not give me any medicine. Well F U! All I wanted to do is sleep for 1 night. I knew I would be in the cycle of cigarette to bed every 5 minutes. They wanted to put me in a hospital. The male nurse gave me a HUGE hug.  I wanted to cry but 59 year old guys do not do that. They gave me telephone numbers and people would call. They didn’t.

 

I can’t afford a clinic visit or a trip to the hospital.

 

I went to a liquor store and bought some wine. Yes, it did help. I do feel better. This may have disrupted the never ending cycle of shit running through my brain. That shit did not makes sense. I knew that. I was still dragged into it. Have you ever had stuff on your mind that you KNOW is stupid but can’t break it and it drags you down into the hole? 

 

I can’t say I won’t be back to where I was 2 hours from now.

 

Why am I telling you this? I do not fucking know except to say that I broke that never ending cycle, for now, for today, I am one of you, after days my situation changed in hours, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE, I was at the end today.  All I know is that after many days of hell, I feel much better and ready to get back at it.   Attitude, change in life, body chemistry tend to mess me up big time. These can be put back into balance though. Death can't.



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suicidewatch,ellichtie,2019/01/14,"Done I’m 21, 4 months from graduating uni and I just feel completely done. Nothing is motivating me to keep going. I tried to commit suicide when I was 17 and survived and I felt utterly hopeless. I’ve tried to keep going strong with mixed success ever since but I just can’t go on anymore. I’ve always had this thought in my head that I was born to die young and I’ve never been able to escape it. I just want to be alone but at the same time I want to be with my friends and family. I’m exhausted and my mental health is an utter shitshow. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep and not wake up.",0.05760416666666756,2.2301418437500007,2.3036250000000003,93.74554166666668,87.59375,5.288333333333334,19.470833333333328,6.742157984588678,0.1694295833333337,468,14,106,6,15,158,80,128,0.133,0.726,0.141,-0.4607,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,2,0,11,5,3,1,3,30,24,11,2,3,7,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,10,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,8,2,13,3,17,14,1,16,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,7,65,16,3,0.1719005968085784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803717578619285,0.0,0.0,0.14303506721443365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047920096583405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802345052080768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840567988314318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518279862952365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549393130825656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620525839097941,0.0,0.08691810678143598,0.0,0.16505153054963878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280997467644032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930852118513693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641960564898135,0.1827222959732168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30558629759757633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732353701311833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720941634525075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325803375944198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494325882256472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219795005180882,0.0,0.17202474136376186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880313523127258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646987238301794,0.10023662038706263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334184427629956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041742773657629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,juniebug2,2019/01/14,"Medication? Are anyone of you here on anti-depressants? If so, has it helped any? Did it make things worse? What are your thoughts on it?

I'm going to counselling soon and my mom said they will probably put me on medication but I'm not sure if I want to spend my life being dependent on something like that..",1.0680737704918035,3.6455189836065567,2.6657172131147533,89.5316905737705,88.67213114754101,6.328688524590166,20.739754098360656,7.6454224807358475,1.0066213114754097,242,8,50,5,8,79,48,61,0.108,0.841,0.052000000000000005,-0.3687,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,10,13,5,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,7,2,7,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,2,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949798669867305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742808190886216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467794993404749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416540505869389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706646862732713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760520640790334,0.12177055725974345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663757603336439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021846446579161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919176223238789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687327681737641,0.0,0.0,0.2505642648168723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709304372343445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918841927848412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349143984988976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655900771685925,0.0,0.0,0.19787600422440216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701362174174146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254006204147327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cccccccccc666,2019/01/14,"Interesting thought Today in a class I love, I thought what would it be like if I killed my self in this class... I thought I would slit my wrists and wear a sweatshirt with a lot of padding in it for the blood and fade away in my class......... I’m also looking for good alternative music,,, leave idea please!",6.881748633879781,5.39596886885246,6.461311475409841,84.95404371584702,65.22950819672131,9.444808743169398,33.448087431693985,7.793537801064563,2.0189956284153,235,8,53,2,3,73,41,61,0.087,0.6859999999999999,0.227,0.8478,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,4,0,3,4,3,0,0,11,9,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,8,4,9,3,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,2,3,33,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824624748723393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436736137144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913729350888708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25756911064055754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242939299954825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415924755198278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146928718240012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916000922438437,0.0,0.0,0.19397666787352053,0.2059266997401468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504552900387418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380245603037272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.543409613237131,0.0,0.0,0.21627256413518506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324161974749041,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hayate_Immelmann_,2019/01/14,"The suicidal thoughts that have been plaguing me have been crazy lately. Over the past few days,I have:

-Thought about stabbing myself/slitting my own throat..

-Wondered if death by North Korean military action(nuke) was/is a valid suicide method..

-And now I'm thinking about buying a gun again to shoot myself with.

And also now I'm literally starting to think that good people don't exist,period.

It's like...if we're all gonna get brutally murdered by the damn government(nuclear war) at some point,then why the hell SHOULDN'T we end it?

Why the hell does suicide have to be such a damned disaster?!

Damn.

Over the past few days:

""Tell me why I shouldn't just slit my own damn throat""

""Give me a good reason why I shouldn't just plunge this damn knife into my chest""(when I was doing the dishes)

One of which,I had to take a drink of vodka to get rid of the thoughts.

And North Korea..those guys are just the stuff of nightmares for me..and I think I'll just be afraid of them for the rest of my natural life.

And Koreans don't like black people at all..yeah.

To think that a sect of humans not ONLY want you dead for political reasons...but because you have a different skin tone.

Shit.

TL;DR:Suicidal thoughts have been driving me crazy..and now on top of that,I think Humans are just fucking trash and North Korea continues to scare the ever-living fuck outta me...and with all this..I still don't understand why suicide is such a damned disaster...nor why death is so damned scary.",3.7861458333333333,5.7225647673611135,4.003888888888889,87.73,73.2013888888889,7.022222222222222,24.5,7.793537801064563,1.182129166666666,1175,36,233,16,24,364,154,288,0.28800000000000003,0.6809999999999999,0.032,-0.9978,1,0,3,2,0,3,64.0,1,2,1,1,16,20,15,2,19,0,24,9,4,1,2,35,46,8,9,5,7,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,7,9,2,0,12,2,1,1,7,17,0,1,9,2,17,3,30,31,8,23,3,0,1,2,9,10,12,3,13,127,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477782794046219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057001238519170085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030453244175076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769532305209323,0.0,0.0,0.08182894924793489,0.0,0.0,0.09160164594222216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281979522569606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458278984933311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289215508115174,0.09770750633546524,0.08970081130175535,0.0,0.1568591286789154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258701971387737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054804115528184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604703661321118,0.0913659773978557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336302909877095,0.07111658554509905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852677330684807,0.12965250446013746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839471010362668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961411730490194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361721231577694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598399458882644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618501363963253,0.0,0.07467512438050597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704359288111114,0.5114095522552623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030592196642031,0.0,0.08172958248622289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995788070205187,0.0,0.2969376988393165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734449323166317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055153082746355296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062552651243878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014047783286112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fountainofrain,2019/01/14,I have responsibilities but I don't even care anymore I have shit to do but I'm just dragging myself through the days. I was doing better for a bit and now it's right back to where it was. I don't see any other way.,-0.8468750000000007,1.2027613958333347,2.0341666666666685,94.7275,91.29166666666666,4.033333333333334,16.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.8465666666666669,169,4,41,1,6,59,35,48,0.177,0.742,0.08199999999999999,-0.6696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,0,4,11,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,2,4,9,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272970945885444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314798152255193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570126796851952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29561128252689145,0.36490741860404224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34078360370965505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555945638442767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076473079498274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28544218914507274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266348856825809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34309622937808826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26530699428088794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wnk-breezeblocks,2019/01/14,"Soon? I hope it will be soon. 
I hope I won't have to do anything, or at least not much. I hope it will come out of the blue. I'm too tired for anything. I hate myself to my core and it's an endless loop. ",-3.086428571428573,-1.496087499999998,-0.13238095238095227,108.225,101.08333333333331,2.7428571428571438,13.107142857142858,3.1291,-1.9153607142857143,152,3,44,0,7,52,35,48,0.131,0.696,0.173,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,12,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,6,8,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226274944214573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119918543889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25352391079896275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7651420261001002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876792508002552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951387780855431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ireallymessedup23,2019/01/14,"Well I made my mother sad and made my father think I’m scum and altogether ruining my family My family is a not overly religious Indian family but we were raised with to view parents words as law or the word of god. Since I was 18 I always wanted a tattoo it was something that I needed to help me have identity. But for some reason my parents never wanted us to have them they looked down on those who got them believed that they were ruining their lives. Well my 23 birthday was this past Friday and my brother paid for a tattoo of Ganesh as a present. There were so many reasons I needed this tattoo one was a milestone Ganesh is a Hindu god that is often associated with overcoming obstacles and this past year all of 2018 was the first year since I turned 16 that I didn’t try and physically harm myself at all. My name is also derived my Ganesh so I wanted the tattoo to help cement my self it was also a way of me saying I won’t allow the future to affect me in any way and that hurdles will all be overcome. It was pretty much a tattoo to remind myself that I need to always believe in myself which is something I always have trouble doing because I don’t feel I can accomplish my goals in life. The final reason was I got this tattoo as a remembrance of my mother’s best friend who passed away some years ago he left me a Ganesh statue and I thought this would be perfect for me to connect with him with.  I showed my mother the tattoo last night and she was mad I knew she would be but she wouldn’t talk to me till today. And today when she spoke she instead of trying to understand just yelled and made me feel ashamed to be a person. First by stating that a friend of mine is as fault and that he is no longer welcome in my house (he calls my mother mom which shows how close he is to my family) and second by saying that I wasted my life (I have a degree in psychology but want to go to medical school but I never took prerequisites so am talking them after I finished my degree) and that I should have studied better. I lost it and got so anger my and just screamed I regret what I said more how I said it saying she ruined my older brother’s (28) life by forcing him to do things he couldn’t handle which is true but I didn’t need to call it out. Which is what led to the finally blow up of how I disrespected her by breaking her trust and getting a tattoo and not listening to her she then went on to tell me that last night after I showed he my tattoo she regretted ever having me and my brother and that I am no longer in her eyes a son of hers and that I should consider her to be my mother. My father heard all this but when he finally came into the room he couldn’t even look at me didn’t even say anything just ignored me and left.i feel like shit and for the first time in 365 days I feel like it’s not worth living anymore, I just wanna feel so much pain. I feel like if I let her wish of me not being born anymore come true my family may heal or she may be happier in life. I felt so proud of myself for not causing myself any harm or thinking about not living anymore all of 2018 now I dont even know what to be proud of anymore or if I should even feel proud. I just feel like scum and like someone who isn’t fit to live anymore. 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suicidewatch,zebraindisguise,2019/01/14,"Already want to die at age 14... I've been struggling for years now, just an endless loop of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I honestly don't remember a time of happiness at this point.

I had a rocky childhood, with two working parents, a brother with schizophrenia and mpd (over 10 personalities) and a sister with a lot of the same stuff I'm dealing with now. 

I was three months clean from self harm but I relapsed today. My parents know I used to do it but it was such a feeling of humiliation telling them about it last time that I don't want to hurt them again. The first time I told them, I was 12 and almost admitted to the hospital if the doc on staff wasn't an idiot that told me to ""hang in there"" despite three years of suicide ideation. 

It's been at least 5 years now and I've stopped seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like my friends have given up hope for me and the only things keeping me alive are my family and my one friend that I've been the only support system for years. She's falling just as fast as I am but she's gripping me for support and I don't want to let her drop. 

I can't get out of bed some mornings and am gaining a considerable amount of weight because of it. I hate my body, I hate my needy personality and I hate how I rely on other people to keep me alive. I want to wake up every morning with a reason to live, but have that reason be for myself. I want a job or a hobby, anything that isn't a person but keeps me locked into this world. I've taken up knitting and I write stories every once in a while, but I've lost interest in a lot of things I used to do, especially writing. 

I'm supposed to start therapy in three days, but I'm genuinely not sure if I'll even make it that long. I'm getting these suicidal thoughts at least once a day, and you can only patch up the dam with tape for so long before the whole thing cracks and ruptures. My question is, how long until I rupture and flood my brain with all this shit?

Sorry for taking up your time...",3.8963566289825313,4.533393345323745,4.932842583076397,86.22234712230215,71.18225419664269,7.6837615621788276,28.08230558410414,7.7094869923839395,1.4948219253168893,1583,55,340,18,28,520,211,417,0.151,0.715,0.134,-0.9215,3,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,2,3,4,13,20,5,1,27,0,24,5,4,7,2,71,61,31,4,8,13,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,22,23,1,4,11,0,0,2,7,10,0,6,15,6,43,10,59,44,9,54,0,3,1,0,26,21,1,9,30,227,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807189476043794,0.0,0.08895478320222587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166618236791074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633489589036022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913891098794901,0.0,0.06859289805642695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953917914322293,0.0,0.08998705890060911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397314615641153,0.08310503756447774,0.06942899679563448,0.0,0.08366011823672731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139624771954682,0.0,0.0,0.053241931497990586,0.0,0.13583425930185722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599162952289798,0.0,0.08151734961589062,0.05758756944997435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856655018936192,0.0,0.0,0.12455767318311235,0.0,0.08423045851991767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858105002383143,0.0,0.2387561024857779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006359786911914,0.0,0.0,0.08629432657925093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999266627669521,0.21494875447868972,0.0,0.0,0.04430097042679721,0.0657076456932081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242885634061613,0.0,0.03938181649483182,0.0,0.07117982174567153,0.21401108287074694,0.0,0.0,0.08799498489016802,0.13706292973729667,0.0,0.0,0.053807585430290135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434187522591663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169335066152752,0.054623203419767744,0.18392187561111764,0.0,0.0,0.17901501388684296,0.0,0.0,0.05588460041871485,0.2111557824355076,0.0,0.0,0.07620220024038363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090301286779575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657603472297868,0.0,0.0,0.09131505027360276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423547610445624,0.0,0.08409347356645204,0.0,0.08274467518424006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023593393827148,0.05705594437005656,0.0,0.0,0.06739329954510895,0.0,0.08427073677613071,0.09227879462033406,0.26452170990853136,0.1829498126839509,0.07597366672096045,0.0,0.06060844520548,0.0,0.070456410829075,0.0,0.09218419100394222,0.0,0.16066046290258118,0.0,0.0,0.12799015890965612,0.18801660392705805,0.0,0.07640854847938226,0.15405200190369525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874394151417316,0.0,0.0,0.139241758906337,0.0,0.0,0.2377283804870909,0.0,0.0,0.09816087037382784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999782578081371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058684805009021214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076399567247904
suicidewatch,UnfoundHound,2019/01/14,"Stuck between moving forward and killing myself Some background information: My GF of almost 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago and ever since I have been severely depressed. It wasn't a bad break-up, just a sad one. Shortly after the break-up, I noticed I wasn't dealing with it well at all. I couldn't do anything but cry and wishing she would come back. I went to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I still had friendly contact with my ex, but I was just hoping she would come back. After an emotional call, she told me to take a few months for myself. And so I did, but I just got worse. I couldn't do anything. I stopped working, studying, playing sports, everything, because I had no energy or motivation for it. I almost got admitted to a psych ward, but it was still my choice to do stay there or not. I chose to not do it as I had a bad feeling about it. October of last year, I contacted her again and we met for the first time in months. It was supposed to just be friendly, but talking about the relationship was inevitable. She said to me she would never take me back. She wasn't angry, but just serious and honest. It broke me even more. The next day I sent her a goodbye text and was close to killing myself. She called just in time and we had a good talk. Though a few weeks later, when things look better and we actually had made plans to meet up as friends, I got a panic attack and sent her emotional texts. She sent me a long one back and then blocked me. I then attempted suicide again, this time getting hospitalized. I have not directly spoken to her since. It was either via other people or letters. Last December I sent her a suicide letter, but I quickly regretted it. My brother sent her a message for me, apologizing to her and telling her I'm okay. Then for Christmas, I sent her a simple card, but never got a response nor did I expect one to be honest.

At this point I have accepted she won't talk to me, that she will not come back to me and probably will never do so. However, I cannot accept never getting a chance with her again. In March/April she is leaving the country and I fear I will never see or talk to her again in person. All I need is to talk with her and some understanding. Though I know I have messed things up so bad. I have put so much stress on her. I have done everything wrong while I knew better, but still I did it.

So far I have been diagnosed with MDD and Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)(so a double depression), and they said I show signs of anxiety, bipolar disorder, and a personality disorder (e.g. avoidant, dependent, anti-social, existential OCD). I am still at the early stages so I won't have a definitive diagnosis for a quite some time still. What is certain is that there is something really wrong with me. Most of it originates from my horrible childhood and upbringing. Only the MDD was actually caused by the break-up. Still, my ex thinks she and the break-up are the main causes of my current state, but that is simply not true. Of course, I cannot tell her as she won't speak to me nor believe me.

**Now here is my dilemma: I feel the pressure to move forward with my life. I feel like I have to take on all these life responsibilities again; that I have to live my life to the fullest. I always felt like that, but because I keep overthinking everything I become this passive person who does only the minimum. I feel incredibly weak, pathetic, and scared to do almost anything, like a little kid in grown man's body. Even though I know I can do some things well, I just do not have any solid confidence. If I do nothing then my life won't get better and I will for sure never get back with my ex. Though I don't see the point of putting in all this effort to do things if it doesn't make me happy. I don't even have the energy or motivation for it. Every time I hear someone say: ""Move on!"", ""Man up!"", ""Do \[this\] or do \[that\], I already feel the pressure and it cripples me. It's not even that I don't want to do it. I really want to live a good and healthy life, but it's like I am incapable of doing so. Seeing other people getting further in life also paralyzes me as well as watching vids on how to improve myself. Everything just scares me and paralyzes me. Still, I know it's the only way out of this and my only chance of ever getting her back. However, there is no guarantee I'll get her back. So that thought is depressing on its own. And don't get me wrong. I know there are other girls out there. That is not the problem. I am not ugly and I can date girls, and I have done so for months already. I have had bad dates and great dates, and I have met great girls I could picture a relationship with, but it simply doesn't do it for me. I want my ex. Even when I put all the emotions aside and try to rationalize it, then I still want her. Right now I just feel trapped. Moving forward won't make me happy. It is not enough. Though sitting still and doing nothing won't make me happy either. At this point, suicide seems like the only solution, but even that is a scary and hard thing to do. However, I feel it's the right thing to do as I feel far too broken and useless to continue this unsatisfying life. I wish there was some magical solution. I wish my ex would give the benefit of the doubt. I wish she would give me another chance. I wish she would make that sacrifice to help me. Though I know that that is ridiculous. I know that I have to do it all by myself; that it is my responsibility... but I cannot do it anymore. I am hopeless, desperate, and dysfunctional... What can I still possibly do?!**

Call me anything you want, swear at me, tell me I am a pussy, call me cringy, give me those hard truths again. Do it if you want.

Thanks for reading.

Tl;dr: GF of 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago. I want her back, but I made every mistake there is. I plunged into depression and I got diagnosed with several mental illnesses. I feel the pressure to move forward, but it's crippling me. I am too weak and scared to go on, especially when I won't get my ex back. I feel absolutely worthless and pathetic. Right now the only solution seems to be suicide because even if I go on I won't be satisfied and happy...",3.43994154676259,4.8417977146282976,4.678438499200642,84.73058340827339,73.05275779376498,7.994274580335731,27.09999500399681,8.567472430010655,1.8394045363709042,4875,176,1008,87,96,1610,395,1251,0.191,0.6729999999999999,0.136,-0.9974,4,2,1,0,0,7,197.0,3,2,1,12,83,77,4,11,53,1,122,15,1,13,18,212,212,102,6,31,48,7,13,5,5,18,14,5,0,9,67,64,0,4,29,4,0,25,42,42,3,6,47,23,188,35,114,140,23,152,1,14,5,0,104,45,0,24,90,747,255,5,0.0,0.0,0.06531420525639534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059329570204453584,0.0,0.10053136756601602,0.0,0.07385912289712962,0.026762022173353703,0.027845637575940427,0.0,0.0,0.022757410289796547,0.03509106708830012,0.025600703965261075,0.0,0.033188379163088894,0.0,0.0,0.11015567800994468,0.0,0.0,0.03807137360005074,0.0,0.25732590255339005,0.1117678167287101,0.061200028852398274,0.03695956515980308,0.0,0.03770369913346852,0.0,0.08879146372198927,0.0,0.03717217331311491,0.0,0.0,0.13668640319274666,0.0,0.0,0.06875573622784305,0.0,0.08648164128776321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026719153073931984,0.0,0.03675983242546115,0.02158221599649591,0.03450104065169452,0.17294060945420422,0.10189909256542036,0.0,0.0,0.1534155799445381,0.0,0.02928552773609665,0.06849281638580929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129311734736208,0.0,0.03457838606647852,0.0,0.15472364465189162,0.0605421836867004,0.05639156709880781,0.0,0.12030506825316975,0.0,0.0,0.03765753261893519,0.16920956149825372,0.02390746858256753,0.032131736577222535,0.0,0.0,0.028465390363300706,0.0,0.0,0.07756514175154945,0.0,0.15735716526971585,0.0963082975452318,0.038037966246165456,0.05613786325995457,0.13382545679157185,0.07379076467248913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249685187939926,0.059956298865247136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03771759112278008,0.0,0.0224309459142931,0.0,0.0,0.033238387536498805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029745311610609438,0.07404833259426802,0.0,0.11034923704247908,0.05455703340317138,0.0,0.03543470070380588,0.0,0.0,0.165461690303985,0.0817467684056816,0.033540814019196764,0.05910057911284732,0.029615553546952236,0.02810224908236016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333095885826015,0.08935283572236634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372494190375752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013455204998762,0.17784048476169995,0.02460069333892457,0.024813941860973337,0.15486205315576654,0.0,0.03559050524994261,0.0,0.0,0.06422131712473098,0.038100229319851915,0.0,0.0,0.06803043775471622,0.15271026385787662,0.0,0.039264075286172574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640096262164303,0.08766128320434978,0.0,0.0,0.09490598712029699,0.03772686327757342,0.0,0.0,0.03608102953172721,0.03202157371381052,0.0,0.10092498246370207,0.0,0.035594244896374916,0.033474148368766665,0.0,0.042877190022618084,0.0,0.0,0.07185797020822161,0.0,0.08573701776722388,0.06366593229762663,0.026612784539330508,0.10051318609296177,0.0,0.08000203732444064,0.060930726227820975,0.0,0.07561205754176573,0.0,0.055365340238534004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028354864056231513,0.025763062962477268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03566933565514191,0.2672526589111696,0.02797831557989069,0.03833415009364651,0.0,0.0,0.14642151722317734,0.0,0.031540453392665764,0.0,0.0754847537460495,0.13448986753488304,0.08774989695301327,0.030810160757227294,0.0,0.0,0.13339632167114934,0.02144307984589588,0.19727569928275315,0.02656754515111588,0.09756882202008756,0.0,0.0,0.031977329749900286,0.0,0.022720600924298683,0.0,0.0,0.03483834123122495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817004917465306,0.02656303254791876,0.026843678411311116,0.0,0.0902674107580636,0.03102247577846398,0.0,0.0,0.19241602261402904,0.0,0.0,0.024362985717708587,0.0,0.03410378799490363,0.14263584819938932,0.1097664747772312,0.0,0.10775211103057372
suicidewatch,danp1887,2019/01/14,Suicide What’s everyones reason for not going through with it? Ive been thinking about my 5th attempt recently and i always like to hear what others think,2.8215517241379287,5.867884172413793,3.5133620689655167,82.78659482758623,86.58620689655174,5.658620689655173,27.9396551724138,7.1686216300943375,2.0999586206896543,127,6,20,2,4,40,27,29,0.145,0.774,0.081,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28867664250279546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331510031444996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717042487591266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39101951028857596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949428846402542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567056399360037,0.3425551883868657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794891737249488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446022309922653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squeakyrock,2019/01/14,"I’m not even sure what I’m trying to accomplish by posting My parents hate me. My mom only hugged me 2 times and my dad only once in my whole life. Even then it was forced. The only time they touched me was to hit me. I did things to try to make them love me (good grades, clean room, tried to look nice so they would be proud of me) but that only made it worse. They would act like I was a show off or too proud of myself.  They loved my siblings though. Every night they would tuck them in and say good night. But they would pass my room up. I’d hold my breath every night waiting to see if they would come to me too. But they never did. They were never once proud of anything I did, and went out of their way to make sure I knew they thought I was extremely stupid and ugly. One year they forgot my birthday completely.  When I try to tell them about something I like, they shame me and call it stupid, or flat out ignore me. 

My husband does everything wrong on purpose to spite me, and in the hopes that I will just do it all myself.  He teases me all the time even though I’ve repeatedly asked him to stop. I work very hard to make our home comfortable and nice but he says he dislikes it all. If I clean a room he wrecks it soon after because he thinks nothing of my hard work.  I work very very hard to make nice meals and he just says they’re “meh”. If I try to make something nice for the house he says the same. If I give him a gift he looks disgusted, doesn’t say anything and I never see the gift again. Today he mocked my physical disability in front of my son and he made him laugh at me too. It was the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me. I have permanent complete loss of feeling in my face because of a brain tumor and he humiliated me because I had a crumb of food stuck to my face and didn’t know it. My son laughed at me like I was some kind of moron. 

I just want to die. I have nobody. I have nothing to live for. I just want the pain to stop. I don’t mean anything to anyone. I can’t think of a single reason to live. But for some reason I can’t end it yet because strangely I feel like I would regret it. Clearly that’s insane. How can I regret something if I’m dead. Maybe I’m just scared of dying. 
",2.0438737734165926,3.3683180127118675,3.1792105263157886,94.39246208742195,76.5,5.985370205173953,20.895628902765385,6.339386263674448,-0.01292457627118626,1730,40,405,12,38,557,207,472,0.214,0.628,0.157,-0.9878,1,0,3,0,1,1,44.0,1,0,16,8,21,39,8,2,14,0,29,11,4,10,10,82,67,30,3,16,18,6,6,4,0,7,2,5,6,0,17,15,2,6,10,1,0,5,9,16,0,1,19,15,79,23,51,39,9,44,0,3,4,3,49,15,0,11,26,249,96,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047460980911873764,0.0,0.16757027153257356,0.0,0.06345557061730135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550807427562264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577286781965617,0.06930972030254491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058469784157511716,0.14233489924921774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089063824010448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939937517966649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601186271377965,0.0,0.0,0.13449580041224538,0.0613983793532607,0.11437812837986708,0.0,0.061003219316903126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686410183077088,0.0484911424075739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207679938370586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511353492135792,0.0,0.11386354487485514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060023159425204614,0.0,0.1824126266106878,0.06701420854589378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808588459781198,0.0674168985254146,0.0,0.07832062170175749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068315884138872,0.037303270241777854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794333476538326,0.1326445474368381,0.0,0.11987277482906933,0.0,0.11399869940387405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252277996313495,0.12845318751326745,0.2265411887173387,0.0,0.06819128859976682,0.07393764693998152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949639422975223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705213304308527,0.0,0.0,0.1910931111787437,0.0,0.13025908717780482,0.0,0.0,0.1445729833170683,0.04599502220851266,0.2064932171371756,0.07222561585952313,0.0,0.07536906501169054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500713500503938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957714624561346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698914610097473,0.06795643801768192,0.0,0.1081779157950166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567644458869696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349595465726392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794601082762982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932724516194578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090188553540111,0.08698532300676111,0.13337706575438074,0.05388653386255142,0.11873838403531699,0.0,0.06433919404583223,0.0,0.0,0.23041918704207304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680162081429153,0.08007089628976571,0.05387738102048013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292239956788656,0.0,0.07578193398317504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824518193940314,0.0,0.0691721766604944,0.2893060469189531,0.07421253797207691,0.0,0.043710382323874836
suicidewatch,lostinspace15,2019/01/14,"It's happening again  

My closest friend I've ever had is replacing me.

It's happened so many fucking times in the past and It's happening AGAIN and I was too blind and hopeful to realize how much of a fucking dumb ass idea it is to pour myself into someone like that again.

She's so distant now and our conversations are so dull and I can tell she's just watching the clock waiting for each one to end.

I'm so fucking alone again and I have nobody and nothing to turn to anymore.

TL;DR Life is once again, empty, pointless, and alone.",3.1047222222222217,4.871891879629633,4.167777777777779,86.555,74.64814814814815,6.651851851851853,28.66666666666667,7.3871296695380915,1.6455666666666673,425,18,84,5,9,138,71,108,0.17600000000000002,0.747,0.077,-0.8887,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,14,8,4,0,3,0,8,6,1,1,1,17,18,13,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,2,9,3,9,16,2,14,0,1,2,4,6,3,5,1,12,59,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35949235929282763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721156547640446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371440300431727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698653939796184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408483627989815,0.4813344623107112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604109187156228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723749992740864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591760974926625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225839882305591,0.08478810308782249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759531646534832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275797296659664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652657233447818,0.0,0.0,0.18482582586424975,0.11760244231370474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567377584287304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470489404981699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169095679874364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119880578694067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877331958968951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ComprehensiveDiver8,2019/01/14,"Hopeless... I don’t know what to do.

I’m 21 years old with a stunted personality, emotional issues, zero life experience and very little hope in the future. I’ve had social anxiety issues since I could remember and the only way I could deal with it was by avoidance. I have zero friends, never had a girlfriend, not even a female friend. I haven’t had a meaningful interaction with the opposite sex since I was in middle school.

I somehow managed to reach third year university despite avoiding class as much as possible. My entire class of 200 people know each other and I don’t even have a single acquaintance except for probably being known as that guy that never talks to anyone. Going outside is very difficult and I have the desire to hide because I feel so ashamed. It feels like everyone is mocking me, strangers passing me on the street instantly look down on me, groups of people laughing are undoubtedly laughing at me. Doesn’t help that I don’t take care of my appearance since getting a haircut or buying fitting clothes requires  too much interaction.

I just want to be normal, but each year the gap between me and the average person my age becomes larger. At this point, my experience of life is so fundamentally different and alien that I have no hope of ever connecting with anyone.

How I do even begin to fix this? Any attempt at improving my life feels like polishing a turd or adding sprinkles on a shit sundae. I fit the criteria for avoidant personality disorder and I’ve read enough literature on it to know that it’s incurable. I don’t have a disorder, the disorder is me – my entire being, my perception and character.

I try to bury myself in media, daydreaming and sleep to avoid the painful awareness of who I am but lately I can’t stop thinking about swallowing every pill I can find or just hanging myself.",7.875414415804907,7.932282076246338,8.296277203272108,67.54862633122397,62.54838709677418,11.401821268714304,37.59546226269486,10.992663274268294,4.386738416422288,1472,67,243,36,19,488,190,341,0.117,0.778,0.105,-0.8388,1,4,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,2,12,19,2,5,19,0,31,9,2,1,4,56,49,20,0,7,9,0,3,2,3,0,5,0,0,4,14,15,1,6,12,1,1,4,11,10,0,3,5,4,35,9,39,39,6,34,0,1,1,1,15,17,1,7,14,176,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576358781686502,0.0,0.07398004087257079,0.0,0.0,0.13523856152114944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058951251783891635,0.10680449041030077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859849942066587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442419389499826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969993016684442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103748158762696,0.3325013315118326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878155070400553,0.0,0.09992344030761208,0.0,0.19162076119076965,0.08747636841811955,0.08147921331575726,0.0924069965069483,0.0,0.1891946001423099,0.0,0.0,0.14669280531492912,0.13817397406712373,0.0,0.0,0.08838778957399182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943006684120708,0.0,0.05052504083065721,0.0,0.05496040853836128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575442311200487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482018220286488,0.0,0.0,0.19210231654764204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187246621580973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944173015197693,0.0,0.1090888980881962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491952031827587,0.09449160891918043,0.09692510000531804,0.0,0.0,0.08120892060410838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218048856600335,0.0,0.14917169253913268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475162346635356,0.0,0.0,0.10147697499095938,0.0,0.0,0.07354948505320376,0.1029023021243262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340879186734025,0.2533205853713977,0.0,0.0,0.09141869452416372,0.10902180233231366,0.0,0.0,0.1042657281262145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967324518832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954936550502836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787192007339834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926760855076212,0.23998930689534045,0.0,0.09677612191009748,0.09857987577560877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085078179704226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271108866077013,0.07772884613390603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061965480542480016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565721736831327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958562075568938,0.05703987057307081,0.07676094517795487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868270244981836
suicidewatch,fuckoff212,2019/01/14,"I've never been so lost in my life, its over Its like I know I will never be the person I want to be. Im 18 and everyone else my age is living life as one my age should parties, dating but me I less than. For over a year now Ive been depressed I had a little hope but now Ive realized Ill never be the person I want to its just not in me. I want to learn piano and music theory and production and my dad has the whole setup keyboard, midi controller, the right software and whatever. And all I have to do is fucking ask him to show me some help and he would, hes a good person unlike me. But I cant fucking bring myself to do it I dont have enough faith that Im able to something like that, I stopped going to the gym too, I only went for like 20 minutes 3 times a week anyway. But thats all over who the fuck was I to think I could get ripped I mean im not fat just a little pudgy. And starting community college was it, thats what I thought was gonna be it, my new beginning. I would meet new people, girls i mean Im not a virgin but I dont get laid like my friends probably cause im a fucking sad fuck. But community college turns out fucking sucks my classes are filled with fucking rednecks I could never get along with. And people dont even fucking talk to eachother. The social element of college doesnt exist in community colleges. The only hope left is getting enough credits to transfer to a university but A. I dont know how the fuck Im gonna make through 2 more years of this and B. I would still be the same sad fucking clown I am now so would it even be different. fuck it",0.6552546732978897,2.540092708454811,2.931000685988682,92.01701552049393,82.55685131195334,5.5513291030698,22.04158806379695,6.661559191721324,0.4356304921968789,1241,41,279,13,34,424,165,343,0.135,0.753,0.111,-0.9365,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,26,12,0,19,0,39,16,1,4,6,59,77,21,0,12,12,1,0,4,1,8,4,0,0,4,15,14,1,2,8,2,1,4,13,16,0,1,9,0,39,10,29,52,9,35,1,4,0,12,15,11,12,3,24,185,54,9,0.06173856624666325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577172253468039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342251420609557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924505178247646,0.0985864428702056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053175336641843735,0.0,0.0,0.06450366134377256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894285593449632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051574649979298615,0.0,0.0,0.12758488538368692,0.0,0.08155548147127052,0.0,0.0,0.05899384579681863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769906313303677,0.6278394061834127,0.1290234107941224,0.0,0.0350874499637962,0.05178338020126548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138205956201555,0.0,0.0,0.12264065350042072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001294756253324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678598028123439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707913287160644,0.0,0.08721555033267356,0.1206493797307278,0.12375652536493832,0.05451628509877166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739493814237069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041210972377471435,0.0,0.0,0.13450279584701424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904663534052278,0.11925498399676875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183565029539207,0.0939099233538634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560349644997135,0.16172320403722207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656461652780157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272439824085556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293469336749312,0.0,0.04752936457012494,0.0,0.0,0.04369887495604481,0.0,0.049304498755542464,0.05161620585220835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962312093374334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395595803568181,0.0,0.04901352533508003,0.036000254466827294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715383140078042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924501789012944,0.0,0.04952295383016509,0.0,0.0,0.05723226944288402,0.0,0.06892890440309063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542922438251096,0.0,0.0,0.07951522496889116
suicidewatch,1979tossaway,2019/01/14,"It's happening again Used to think I was so strong. Like supremely confident, you know? Not anymore. And I don't even know what happened or how it got like this. This sucks. I hate this shit. I hate feeling this way. I don't want to live.

A couple months ago I was having suicidal thoughts. Daily. Hourly, idk. I've had suicidal thoughts before but nothing like this stretch. It consumed my thoughts. I told myself that when I have those thoughts I would immediately say to myself ""stop!"" Told myself I would just will myself from exploring those thoughts. It worked for a while but they are back.

I feel like suicide will be a weight lifted off my shoulders. To just let it end. I wonder what it would be like to end it. This struggle within has been going on for years and I don't know what to do about it anymore.",1.2845822102425863,3.921786622641509,1.8345552560646887,95.39528301886793,88.43396226415095,4.538005390835579,21.407906558849948,6.18269132825596,0.2215717879604675,639,22,131,6,21,195,91,159,0.149,0.7190000000000001,0.132,-0.4426,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,1,2,9,12,4,1,3,0,20,3,2,2,0,28,43,9,3,4,6,0,3,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,20,2,1,1,13,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,12,4,21,7,13,23,0,18,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,2,16,92,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080389010364076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555482632657545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744190093547972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676539696653262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582648507019129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144027875362602,0.0,0.0,0.07510947609225956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499818375879504,0.081239955972999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462839619486457,0.0,0.0909504423713118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112039382690602,0.0,0.0,0.2245453945413108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119890393533029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874888411548895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628406484204025,0.0,0.2777836492088909,0.0,0.10041482285178904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076839256281533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911521137677968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043288865265256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672959691079235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950730989380595,0.0,0.11888244304966228,0.0,0.37316615846305823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286571794875485,0.0,0.4513958035609645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173242936234764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821559123953268,0.0,0.0,0.06707365269541593,0.09026382643772583,0.0,0.13847753714225544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233220074850373,0.08278784850189641,0.0,0.0,0.24234539905113825,0.0,0.0,0.07323047796456751
suicidewatch,penispnt,2019/01/14,I’m a teenager living in the suburbs What would be the easiest way to kill myself?,1.105882352941176,3.5459963529411773,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,85.47058823529412,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.6650235294117648,66,3,12,1,2,23,16,17,0.229,0.634,0.13699999999999998,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6245088285141628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984424649844166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480546085805702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009874062085225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4815162342x,2019/01/14,"I want to talk to my close friends about my feelings but I don’t want to burden them with any sense of obligation. I am very familiar with ordering illicit substances from the deep web (typically cannabis / psychedelics) and I plan on ordering some fentanyl in order to commit suicide quietly. I want to talk to my friends about how I feel to see if they can convince me not to but I do not want to burden them in a way that they’d blame themselves for my passing. I need some reasons to live. My girlfriend committed suicide, Ive dealt with mental issues since i was 12. My best friend drugged and raped me when I was 15. I’m tired of waiting for things to get better. I’ve been on 22+ antidepressants/mood stabilizers and none seem to work. I’m ranting at this point, I’ll stop. Thanks for reading. ",4.082763713080169,5.5831075506329135,4.556392405063292,85.84678270042195,71.59493670886077,7.79831223628692,30.888185654008442,8.344100000000001,2.200517299578059,635,28,128,10,12,201,101,158,0.191,0.613,0.196,-0.7096,0,0,1,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,4,4,4,10,1,0,2,0,9,3,0,2,2,28,23,8,2,6,5,0,2,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,4,23,7,28,19,4,15,0,0,1,1,10,8,0,4,2,77,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182922845896956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257640890492082,0.14543952578272348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070567942018926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662981373475026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38115276944650667,0.0,0.08591648542176017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163937441255292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145209232498464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572334834652633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193496263423845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554550536967769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449095647225845,0.0,0.0,0.1690783441824223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104253362180876,0.14970587638781013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603180685764554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748459974303673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597554618989565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643516626971961,0.0,0.15140020161794748,0.0,0.0,0.1092509175530514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890070088867792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356855475400156,0.3879791191045797,0.13052994156791675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971897773402596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Atthebottom1988,2019/01/14,"There isn't a single live chat available to over 25s in the UK after midnight I've looked and basically unless you're under 25 or part of the LGBTQ community, the only live chat for people with suicidal thoughts in the UK closes at midnight. I've found that response times aren't very good on 7 Cups of Tea plus they don't want you talking about being suicidal there.

It's really frustrating and upsetting that there isn't anywhere to have a 1 on 1 online talk. Or even a chat room would be better than nothing. Some people aren't comfortable talking to someone like Samaritans over the phone.",9.811043478260867,7.5570375826086975,9.284347826086957,69.46391304347827,60.1304347826087,12.330434782608695,38.65217391304348,10.793553405168565,4.06964347826087,482,18,86,9,5,155,80,115,0.187,0.768,0.046,-0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,5,6,1,1,8,0,9,1,0,0,0,13,13,6,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,2,4,20,8,3,12,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,3,3,53,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340430963999978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949964361689054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149760825913136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445073121673906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578786977814617,0.0,0.3462594721653232,0.0,0.16464593207008366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881304693048027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491169126467467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232020715898764,0.0,0.2718547443444661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256048029310818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612595695015692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289284303842126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727709059022378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565438272928925,0.11432757282448985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177485846902204,0.11564471717883007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927955318077273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RibbityFrogz,2019/01/14,"I ready to die now Hi folks,

So I am feeling suicidal right now, felt the same last night too. I have little reason to feel like this. I have a good job that I enjoy with amazing co workers. I have the blessing of family. Dont have many friends but few is better than many. I have amazing pets that I love to bits. I have a lot going for me right now.

However I just want to die. I know I shouldn't want to, there are millions of people in worse situations with smiles on their faces. 

I tried to suffocate myself 3 times last night, all of shich I blacked out on but woke up each time. Tried again today as I just don't care anymore, evidently I am not very good at suicide, should have studied it in college but I chose dumb A levels I didn't complete instead. 

I don't really know what I am going to do, I've tried all the help I have access too and thought I got better but here I am wanting to end it. I think the worst part is I don't even care what my family would think if I ended it. 

I think I am just prolonging my hopefully final attempt but venting at this point so I will wish you all a great day or night and will update you if I'm still alive.

Laters. ",2.308218623481782,3.4430299433198432,3.8119838056680173,90.88696356275305,75.47773279352226,6.819433198380567,23.121457489878544,7.273561745256523,0.6675473684210531,904,25,206,10,19,300,137,247,0.145,0.629,0.227,0.9579,2,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,2,1,4,16,17,1,0,8,0,27,2,1,1,3,41,49,13,4,10,12,0,3,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,10,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,5,4,36,15,24,39,10,34,1,0,1,1,7,13,1,5,20,141,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685750981583067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058949639390133,0.1176334011131938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971345225774186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129722001294648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948883663043869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365176023007707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628038127180236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908662910458244,0.0,0.0,0.0711668352169938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031512991346314,0.0,0.10896170789106532,0.07697551441664331,0.10345540949221456,0.11803316059052685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324618541280078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247185472812824,0.1807485760260322,0.08617627870551584,0.11879304683064673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222151498982264,0.0,0.0,0.1070185231098594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069237110546299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843146082841795,0.1756587359615846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264045022745579,0.1079922537245622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160387931588028,0.0972471831674812,0.0,0.0,0.2184800336130008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303343864552119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166810716547088,0.0,0.07469920863626676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018571129014059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902641631280433,0.11078335237761923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403317564099814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211137726095428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604805158628667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571863267317625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712256876312005,0.0,0.08554023391191319,0.12565797570887074,0.0,0.1021329321797258,0.0,0.0,0.21946237485951267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890375582018786,0.19065848294214635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390540028582735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980487605358692,0.07654140763225815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,severeprogress,2019/01/14,"people who think we don't know what we want people who treat us like we're delusional and don't know what we're saying. people who treat us like we're absolutely brain-fried and delusional and that we need to be ""rescued"" are some of the most patronizing people on this planet. how could you ever look at someone, especially a person who's in pain, and think that you know what they want better than they do? how much of a god complex do you have? what is the logic here? i could MAYBE give the idea some credence if it was in the wake of an intense but possibly endurable event, like a loss/breakup/etc. but you could give them encouragement rather than saying, ""you're out of your mind, and here's what you SHOULD do because i say so."" it makes me mad beyond all reason. anyone else feel a similar way?",5.262812499999999,5.68564965625,5.473749999999999,84.31625000000003,68.0625,8.4,26.0,8.238735603445708,1.3873875,635,16,131,8,10,201,95,160,0.041,0.82,0.139,0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,5,6,3,1,8,9,1,0,9,0,14,2,1,4,2,39,27,11,0,9,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,14,9,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,17,7,13,21,5,9,0,0,1,0,25,6,0,4,5,87,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466531372727888,0.1387193586342462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253028843204868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197382623618223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113598931894034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242850544487492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309795877127685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099161573448547,0.0,0.1224647432933437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845542809918513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597499290066452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283475816845024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321446244748186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842885865502213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369047200697055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037146847806643,0.0,0.13601382872281398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367016623929089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952457645664624,0.1003872947770006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440606673760749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754395120882862,0.11821417608522874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262781568832146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919976035718248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229940806690254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471245126319635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735002676702712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257063216724086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970880441282104,0.10746341687666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thepalemoon,2019/01/14,"I don’t want to exist anymore and I have no one I can tell that to, so I’m telling you guys",-3.2618840579710167,-1.764815739130432,0.2260869565217387,107.0968115942029,97.69565217391305,3.066666666666667,16.36231884057971,3.1291,-1.450959420289855,70,2,21,0,3,25,19,23,0.113,0.821,0.067,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108449901353192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41019289849912666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807203930316563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7241813039613881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443474575896599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blind_sypher99,2019/01/14,"Crippling alcoholism, living with grandparent, havent had a friend in 3 years, never leave the house and last night I got super drunk and almost killed myself by getting behind the wheel of my grandmothers truck and briefly losing control as I was crossing over a ravine. I cant keep doing this. in november I got a DUI and I havent even got sentenced yet. everyone talks about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem but this is far from temporary. ive been struggling for a decade now and my alcoholism has slowly and methodically taken away everything from that Ive ever held dear. to the point that I just drink alone now, in the basement, and lay in bed from dusk till dawn. I sleep during the day. ive tried, ive tried so fucking hard to be something and I just cant. im going to go outside and start a fire, then clear out the shed and poly the interior to be air tight. Ill make charcoal until I got a nice hefty pile and then Im going to seal the shed, light it and go to sleep. this is pretty much the only note im going to leave behind. 

Im so deeply, fatally flawed.",2.9211555023923452,4.815889168181818,4.158516746411486,85.87145933014357,75.5,7.177033492822965,24.306220095693774,8.032893268588372,1.3716818181818178,867,28,173,14,19,284,132,220,0.153,0.748,0.098,-0.9246,1,1,5,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,10,10,2,1,17,0,18,8,2,2,3,27,34,20,3,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,6,14,4,4,0,2,0,6,5,6,0,0,9,4,16,4,28,22,1,31,0,1,0,1,2,11,1,1,14,107,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399542375627273,0.11241715813052107,0.11627265914431165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547664171693276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591471813450714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240162291312469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997693803755797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414995871501237,0.10155009926536952,0.0,0.10727399682668466,0.10089652271594733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673564298202027,0.10378716250651697,0.058653817076810735,0.0,0.3190138687547397,0.0,0.35915423181282896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056736857820864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953871082782156,0.0,0.0,0.4850617610332687,0.0,0.0,0.0997862700945257,0.12420456394992715,0.0,0.0,0.09151094031207194,0.0,0.23774480236996304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991320317517534,0.0,0.0,0.12559579333740153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493774410421407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252767569444303,0.0,0.08658567141542606,0.0,0.0,0.10535307616442888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538257409554921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061266908025454,0.0,0.0,0.11421384190903272,0.0,0.10742242156637452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469210746184204,0.0,0.0,0.08642706430142376,0.0,0.0,0.07946172876251506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736372962107128,0.0,0.12279966383064282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023433623755447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244110064951155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229496463380204
suicidewatch,GlitteringReason,2019/01/14,"Started a new grad program. Very isolated I'm just super depressed. I've had a really difficult go of things in life and I recently started a grad program and moved thousands of miles away, and it's been really hard. I'm super depressed and isolated. I could really use someone to talk to.",2.7495238095238115,5.388513,4.907142857142858,76.50452380952382,79.71428571428572,8.733333333333334,30.76190476190476,9.2995712137729,3.606247619047621,232,12,39,7,6,80,36,56,0.258,0.618,0.124,-0.7559,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,2,1,2,2,6,6,0,9,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,22,4,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209666461367128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877782921097812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40513375292844706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366262615567506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068204091251388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612007300482026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996737287386814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271458079684929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520019117354978,0.0,0.2322195436351876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927382917981964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329342196540444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903501590707145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624829991071035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312671561469745,0.0,0.19405453611212412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,schimmdog43,2019/01/14,How do I stop feeling like I'll never be good enough. I just wanna stop feeling. When I look to the future everything seems so stressful.,2.0844444444444434,4.648896703703707,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,81.96296296296295,5.0814814814814815,23.814814814814817,6.42735559955562,0.845725925925926,109,4,20,1,3,35,22,27,0.339,0.4920000000000001,0.16899999999999998,-0.7613,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,2,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175543968885775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27620869376557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31079090936201603,0.2195568570572968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577741088877807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501460807843894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580800833620366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703210533626898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27978199997622405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138838529276272,0.35204586731782783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,knowmesee,2019/01/14,"I'm pathetic I'm scared of myself and I don't know what to do. I am crushed with waves of intense emotions and sadness and I'm afraid the big one is going to hit soon and I'll actually take action. I wish I didn't have people that would worry for me. I want to run away but I cant. I don't want to feel like this. I'm afraid to ask for help. I went to my school counseling services. You can't get anything done with an assessment and I tried twice today. the lady told me tough luck basically and to come back at a better time, I have no better times. I was afraid if I tried to get help that would happen. I am discouraged. 

​

I want to disappear. I want to be gone. I want to be removed from myself. I want to be better or not at all. 

​

Right now I don't think I'll do anything but I know this comfort is temporary and I'll be near crisis again soon. Probably in a couple hours.

​

I tried to organize my planner for the academic quarter. A quarter is 10 weeks.  I couldn't help but think I would even make it that far. It's funny to think that all my assignments and responsibilities would still be suspended in the world and in my planner even if I wasn't there to complete them.",0.9223393353828158,3.0969115691699614,2.849424681598596,91.3232835602401,83.50592885375494,5.961586883326013,21.623334797247843,7.2427474758485975,0.66330695359391,949,31,208,14,27,317,124,253,0.113,0.7,0.187,0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,1,5,9,13,0,4,8,0,28,0,0,1,2,42,57,15,0,14,7,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,1,6,0,0,8,10,7,0,4,7,1,33,6,30,39,2,30,0,2,0,0,7,11,0,4,12,140,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.09359272865272204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117500180927654,0.34961748111790464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784882386717666,0.0,0.0896613739849541,0.0,0.09010906541231144,0.07374761211118933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25446946305747004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261656357616655,0.10055809528261728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612078094136773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814755539768398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788400097506752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669314023293576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849415073668515,0.06851695465138116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021632379688517,0.0,0.05450693366632022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481144984794198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928560648764616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445041961091474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105417457647065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685598230030194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401957794086324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498998980807068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649078384747402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034054381651728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190521911612966,0.0,0.0,0.096021004058664,0.09706438502022056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659254365570771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211115404413795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436262178654395,0.0,0.0,0.11184987704827216,0.0,0.0909099151282556,0.0916445521941947,0.0,0.19534645139938725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394154291438856,0.0,0.07693190477410795,0.0,0.0,0.08890801461249115,0.0,0.0,0.11028988577450384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739959949502072,0.0,0.272522201140803,0.0,0.34961748111790464,0.0
suicidewatch,outedasvirginity,2019/01/14,"Women don’t love me It’s already predetermined that I will be alone. My only girlfriend left me for someone better and I haven’t been fine since. 

Dying alone is just my destiny.",2.188714285714287,4.841183800000003,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,82.42857142857143,4.642857142857143,23.035714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.5645714285714285,143,5,26,1,4,46,30,35,0.106,0.66,0.235,0.7096,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6150221729433559,0.3276495604308445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26259436358810484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081475776692161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225955453116291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679744965779524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258148073596836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456085136229637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25157240919419754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RayxJules,2019/01/14,"I'm a delusional schizophrenic. This illness has ruined me and my life. Because of my illness I am unable to work. I have tried to utilize my illness and make it into a strength or some kind of profession, to no avail. I can't afford to live on my own. My family and friends have tried their best. And at times I've made two steps ahead, but it always ends up with three or four steps back.

My delusions confuse the shit out of people. People are scared of me or consider me retarded, which I probably am, but my delusion makes me believe otherwise. 

While I am struggling to survive I look around me and see everyone else struggling, barely able to help themselves. How could I even consider staying a burden on the people I love, when I know they will feel unburdened once I'm gone.

Anywho, Thank you all. Mankind is a beautiful species, we just need to prevent people that are evil to constantly push the good people aside. Meðvirkni er ekki hjálpsamleg.

Goodbye everyone, Reddit has given me many laughs, scares, confusion and enlightenment and so much more emotions.

Time to find out what the hell is on the other side of that tunnel.",5.193996478873242,6.9039329624413215,5.279809272300471,80.91999559859157,69.14084507042253,8.517488262910799,31.152875586854464,9.017664075816787,2.737422769953052,903,38,161,17,16,283,140,213,0.193,0.6559999999999999,0.151,-0.8749,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,2,5,8,19,3,6,9,0,14,7,1,4,1,34,28,16,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,8,13,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,11,1,3,3,3,26,8,25,23,6,23,1,1,2,1,7,10,2,6,8,111,34,1,0.1310541811710373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904757726586572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666600634213432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077257582869957,0.0,0.07988941244093267,0.0,0.0,0.14765318385161827,0.13753327773855803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162301199507252,0.0,0.10463609968929537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947895186317416,0.14741831440687395,0.11607510557571565,0.0,0.0,0.08656005066205047,0.0,0.0,0.2504557726249549,0.0,0.0,0.12354621848461815,0.0,0.0662649317376275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978114734365113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125213527879096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992202934275516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784285513536931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364727625288882,0.07202395060867188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256744389369156,0.0,0.0,0.11572324299792887,0.0,0.1100525053447183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182815152037114,0.12400663498157033,0.1749593671681241,0.13286836994032833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633990244806397,0.0971750147568242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956842580138099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45428233981847294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129857306957802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624161958779261,0.0,0.1044332147512814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345252336728814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968631981466925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740125701467272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206570823377535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283749390127824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795437278549608,0.0,0.1280208920867872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540900474027966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sk2efrn03,2019/01/14,"Help!! Whoever can relate Anyone on here use to live a more social life then all of a sudden stopped became more isolated and gained weight due to depression/anxiety??? Please message me and help me out thanks
",5.602543859649124,7.703755921052637,5.4973684210526335,78.20991228070176,68.73684210526315,9.27719298245614,28.456140350877188,9.725611199111238,2.9181298245614027,167,6,28,4,3,52,32,38,0.095,0.595,0.31,0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,3,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398909189802083,0.0,0.0,0.2192652398013105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203775205773132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149366895146289,0.0,0.0,0.276900437091142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442210893122497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196594204847698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26217028426584565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887060366780751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27083591217934416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818608595126573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XXXodiac,2019/01/14,"I need someone to talk to, anyone plz. I feel very alone at this point, and I don’t know where else to turn. Posting this on my main account because I don’t even care anymore, I’m at a breaking point and I just want out honestly, most likely gonna delete this account if I go through with anything. I need answers/motivation to keep me going.",2.5031904761904755,4.2585708428571465,3.625714285714289,89.84761904761906,76.28571428571428,5.80952380952381,28.809523809523807,6.42735559955562,1.2359523809523805,269,12,56,2,6,87,51,70,0.036000000000000004,0.8240000000000001,0.139,0.6712,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,14,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,10,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,1,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23815358762563266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280435709355553,0.1607828333784175,0.0,0.18922507520458426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401722879392843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344441692576823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208947337298427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187644989141602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626705977680493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613659923335153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20438560873796174,0.0,0.0,0.1263717135322279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233947212707716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34100248663285176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347445451659116,0.0,0.2202236691089681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483158309721574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184821015190849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25011404079197425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972863939802168,0.1356274704954226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iuwdhiwduhqd,2019/01/14,"15 and suicidal My first suicide attempt was when I was 12. Ever since my feelings and emotions have been a roller coaster. In November I almost downed pills. I’m ugly, stupid and so lonely. I feel useless and emotionless every day. Life is useless. I’m planning to do it soon but I don’t know when. Please help me",0.5100000000000016,2.9464580645161327,2.2441290322580656,90.01619354838711,97.38709677419355,4.415483870967742,23.941935483870967,6.2581,0.9729303225806456,248,11,46,3,10,81,48,62,0.235,0.669,0.097,-0.7438,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,10,12,8,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,2,7,0,3,9,0,8,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687433099085865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308258016837216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30189082359027875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24276462999033496,0.22612131059165194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140148627955235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282834723913397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988912700592946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749435885873652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956438341564985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946001069151958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200630236350896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5871272439602582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,closetdlesgirl,2019/01/14,How can I go on when I'm riddled with a disease No one knows about it no one knows how much I'm struggling and I will never ever tell anyone so I'm stuck in a endless loop for shit. My only option to be happy and cure myself os by killing myself and I don't understand why I'm posting here like it's going to change my mind when it's not ,-0.2854220779220782,1.5137671298701318,2.4156980519480515,94.88640422077923,85.49350649350649,4.36948051948052,18.715909090909093,5.148860815047168,-0.4682974025974027,267,7,62,1,8,93,54,77,0.217,0.7070000000000001,0.077,-0.8828,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,1,2,0,4,1,1,2,2,14,14,8,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,1,0,7,2,8,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564880849402702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506130550554007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429326128376408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26927604335101524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25218874883938114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620992127797392,0.0,0.26039252243668976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573934426755933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392055400542432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415172312649804,0.0,0.1827149952809898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32106460840510403,0.18017619275708044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268885777390477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317858595255304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476635331611337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070645672190629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466254537097521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137690421397173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VeyronSolar,2019/01/14,"Need people to talk to. I feel so fucking alone. Nothing makes me feel good anymore. My meds don't work and I can't afford more booze. I just need someone I can talk to when I feel alone at nights. Please help.
Sc: junderwood2019",-0.2269565217391296,1.9338718478260901,0.5046739130434794,101.68570652173914,102.2608695652174,3.1695652173913045,16.619565217391305,5.148860815047168,-0.8555565217391301,179,5,39,1,8,54,34,46,0.109,0.723,0.168,0.4132,1,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,4,10,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,19,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544002357004174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755509420662653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327586615018204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202803098564664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839963028935916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703841147371036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643050582316686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436694973038597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325318656429341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058629388593568,0.0,0.21049046457627787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208283816488385,0.0,0.0,0.2408012783305563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587063534064432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35264097300574565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970323910441553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SinistralLex,2019/01/14,I mean nothing to no one I think it’s just time to give up,-4.800000000000002,-4.078707000000001,-1.0533333333333308,111.52000000000002,119.0,2.0,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.2263333333333333,45,1,14,0,3,16,13,15,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.2235,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660237874610255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291787998384977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661383630233921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32919076624934124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112811317193198,0.0,0.0,0.2832739844947852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notorious167,2019/01/14,"Things don't get better, they get worse I have two small boys and my wife was just put in jail for some small town political grandstanding.  I don't know what to do, or how to do it.  I feel so overwhelmed. I wanted to kill myself before all this happened now...

I don't want to be here anymore.  I don't want to hear how things will get better, or how they aren't as bad as they seem.  That's something you tell ignorant people who don't know better.

I need to get better.  I need the voice to stop asking what I want.  I'm desperate.",0.9449269480519468,2.8702556517857154,2.4987662337662364,95.2825974025974,81.76785714285714,5.501298701298702,17.324675324675322,6.574015621080383,-0.3287607142857141,411,8,95,4,11,134,67,112,0.245,0.716,0.039,-0.9597,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,3,4,7,8,1,1,1,0,12,0,0,3,1,21,30,9,1,6,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,8,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,3,15,4,11,27,2,7,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,4,2,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526021537665427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635753047410344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071665244786598,0.0,0.0,0.13321653647329787,0.0,0.0,0.5538397125226919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915877070377235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271735199276903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384408224410662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644854822329886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732046028878465,0.0,0.17207676041939612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216668332892024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853533122118687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573807349574409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425215378958412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052347252815468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088675651991485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683572627690851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801599993118886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293121378462013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693601217297366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954263518651698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,that99babe,2019/01/14,Don’t want to make my mom sad literally the only thing holding me back. i wish i didn’t mean anything to anyone. i’ve had friends die and it fucking sucks. i wish there was a way to just disappear ,1.2021428571428563,3.080809928571433,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,80.66666666666667,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.9298857142857146,155,6,35,2,4,52,35,42,0.241,0.557,0.202,-0.4391,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,11,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,3,8,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831384491380734,0.0,0.21553536582752286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139799798149424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718284840475223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023564166025057,0.24213803659141936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483162450698309,0.0,0.0,0.2853043854835077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30675401290881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919967317074969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400600986324974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544854266163572,0.20789751526697325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023832245335202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kate-o-potatoe,2019/01/14,"I have nothing left. Ive pushed all my friends and family away, I don’t have a job, I’ll be 25 soon and I still live with my mom. I deleted all of my social media, I’ve let all my id expire and as of today I no longer have a boyfriend. For the past year I’ve been a drunk mess and yesterday during a hangover I started throwing up blood and I would rather kill myself than go to the hospital and be judged and formed. 

-no friends 
-no close family
-no job
-no id 
-no boyfriend 
-health problems from neglecting myself and heavy drinking

I don’t want help (I don’t even think it’s possible) I just want to die. ",0.22164102564102706,2.405038907692312,1.9500000000000028,96.51833333333336,86.84615384615385,5.312820512820513,20.974358974358974,6.742157984588678,0.296528205128205,478,16,110,6,15,156,78,130,0.24,0.674,0.086,-0.9618,2,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,6,0,12,4,1,0,3,21,17,9,2,5,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,1,1,2,0,3,9,4,0,0,1,0,17,2,11,12,4,14,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,69,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996336718241412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774769675790293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721507242749396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194840530992873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410765778607408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795288453631017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028107653578052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922903476938499,0.0,0.0,0.12125478540170298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35903460734962034,0.0,0.20014124041801154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655053294507416,0.18498453325810327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973976453838085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187021513464552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735803308502466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269141147188202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393980387989888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309876559502516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440678930349685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804335408077955,0.0,0.14446855664548391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591468567577914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147392678822213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340135219098255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850757780561098,0.0,0.0,0.11649494541616562
suicidewatch,AnonymousPasta,2019/01/14,"I don’t even have the energy to type this As I am typing this right now all I can think about is killing myself. My thoughts only ever lead me to one direction and that is suicide. I have absolutely no one anymore, everyone I have ever loved is dead and gone, and my life is void of any happiness or joy... I can not even express in words how much I would enjoy the sweet release of death right now. I fear that someone may miss me, but then I remember how truly useless I am in this world. I quickly remember how incapable I am to do basic things and fit into this world, this society of people... ",6.753746556473828,5.328179760330581,7.585743801652896,76.59558539944905,65.44628099173553,11.041873278236917,34.21625344352617,10.125756701596842,3.1909988980716246,465,17,95,9,6,157,76,121,0.172,0.695,0.132,-0.6482,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,1,2,0,16,2,0,4,3,22,21,11,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,1,17,5,11,17,2,16,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,2,6,77,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920503852050105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842679169529666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509835473081439,0.3437278264857133,0.0,0.18155106708126095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380037933393714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225622117889616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020444645037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420108500393949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148045801586415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967026520200768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574948912239417,0.1445019100223905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317205711584355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304610031128432,0.324514214408476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609845433191298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078267862219481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622611463353878,0.12174293657347098,0.0,0.15083705267572278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496900589247726,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingOfHungary,2019/01/14,"There’s no fucking way you could justify me I’m gonna kill myself as soon as I get the chance. I’m worthless. No, that’s too damn generous. I’m a dumb retard, I’m a cunt to everyone yet wonder why I have no true friends, and everytime I get one they leave me a mess giving no reason as to why. Everyone would be better off without me, and I’d be better off dead. I dated the most perfect girl ever. No one could compare. She had a radiant smile, dimples to die for, sparkling eyes that were the only ones I can stare into, and just an amazing body. She was so sweet, and made me feel like I was the best guy in the world, despite being the worst. Then we started getting distant, and I don’t know why. Then we took a break to see if that would help. Immediately after, she called this other guy and started dating him. A day or two after, she told me we were through. Now, after I expressed I wanted to die again, she decided to check in on me everyday. This was the first day, and she ended up getting mad and telling me that we would never talk again. I’m thinking of a plan to kill myself, but I have no workable ideas. You can’t convince me not to die.",2.384055470626773,3.6781523236514566,3.9966761301594262,89.00036034068577,75.55601659751035,6.567460144136274,25.13234330639877,7.0608816371341465,0.9506547717842332,894,30,194,9,19,299,139,241,0.17,0.6859999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.7666,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,4,2,1,7,10,20,7,0,15,0,19,3,2,2,4,38,42,17,6,7,6,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,7,13,0,0,7,0,1,1,11,10,0,5,9,5,34,10,25,24,3,32,0,1,3,1,25,8,4,4,22,139,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204790592053244,0.2030685114930725,0.0,0.12752066900189024,0.0,0.0,0.11722708161141783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833223065248967,0.0,0.0,0.1480773587938397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574433342501391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168171475928027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384622526011268,0.0,0.21939908911178094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804803583050349,0.08201555400353891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765169208568636,0.0,0.0,0.08869680270478278,0.10613387022493193,0.2399201003085998,0.11012985824953124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273467811240707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695028227813293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959903640445042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25402584969558417,0.0,0.06309293250524198,0.0,0.0,0.12156019777398447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608713005842578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862972920777787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854344016550593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333812140037583,0.08731313988816906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803698992435943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914834261926019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251683935958752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227460411077454,0.10034320987044362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735613671112644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969954455589047,0.12755077373414767,0.0,0.0,0.11214621574396133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771400499876988,0.09112557537857173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107765681107984,0.0,0.0,0.11066635668443188,0.12449936294987055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446590710855857,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_whatevr,2019/01/14,"I left to find peace and now I'm lonely all over again Context: I moved to a new city all alone in order to start art school and get out of my trouble town. I know it was the right thing to do and staying in my old place would have killed me.

But it's hard as rock. I have 0 friends or people to even hang out with. I don't know anyone in this city and although I'm nice enough to talk to in the cafeteria, I'm too depressed to be invited to anything outside of college. I have no friends and loneliness is getting at me. For all my life, I've been punched down and rejected and now that I'm not an outcast anymore, I don't know how to talk to people or actually build relationships. Everyone seems so far ahead.

Talking is annoying as hell as well. I was born selectively mute. I knew how to speak from an early age on, but I only rarely wanted to. I was such a quiet kid, I got forced to see a therapist age 5. I still hate talking. I want to be quiet all the time, but unfortunately there's no way making friends that way. No way getting anywhere. My mum calls me every fecking day and tells me to talk more and expresses her concern regarding my isolation.

It all made me notice how full of shit and egocentric my old friends were. The guys from my hometown never text or call me, except for when they need someone to pour their hearts out to. I listen patiently and give a little advice whatsoever and everyone is lovely and thankful and hangs up as soon as their deal whatsoever is sorted out. I wouldn't even have to listen, I could just put down the phone and make myself pasta and pick it up again after 10 minutes with my clueless friend still rambling.

Except for (girl). I love her, but she is literally the worst. We're interested in each others lives and wired the same way. When we're together you can feel the radiance. When we're on the streets, we can just randomly start dancing at the same time and everyone smiles at us. And when she's there I talk. And I hate myself for all the things I tell her and all the things I don't. I've loved her for 5 years straight and I'm sure she knows by now. She took advantage of me for 1 year and then told me we can't be together. But I love her so much that I can't be mad about it. At the same time I get really mad when she tells me about all her recent adventures with boys in the woods. Why is every single random boy in the woods good enough, but not me? Why is she narcissistic enough to take all my compliments and never confront the issue?

Then again (boy). I don't hate him, but I hate that we got together and I hate even more that he didn't let me go. Everything was okay in the beginning. But he really started dragging me down mentally. He'd try drugs, try to persuade me trying them too, tell my secrets to all of his friends before they met me, get pissed when I wasn't in the mood to make out and he was a racist, obese, drugged, lazy liar. I told him my issues with him and he'd just tell me to go see a shrink. Like that would help with anything... His lack of an effort made me feel uncomfortable, but I was too ashamed to tell him, when we were sleeping on the sofa in his fathers trashed apartment.

I'm so glad I can go outside without having to run into random bullies from my school or (boy). The anonymity of this place comforts me. Noone knows the troubles I've seen.

I wonder if I should write letters to the people who've wronged me. Maybe it would help clear the air. I wonder if I should write a letter to my father, who is a pedophile drunk. I haven't talked to him in 6 years. I hate how my family and everyone just ignores the fact that he is a pedophile rapist. They get me help, they get me a therapist, but god forbid I ever talk to anyone outside of the inner circle. God forbid I ever speak up and stand up. I wanted to go to court when I was a bold, not so depressed, 15 year old, but everyone discouraged me. It's sickening.

I hate how I am so full of hate. It slows me down and gets in the way of my creativity and drive. My art is suffering ever since I moved here and I'm homeless with no motivation to do anything about it. I live in a mansion with a kind dysfunctional family who treats me like their adopted kid. It's sweet and convenient, but I can't take all the bourgeoisie and all the petty fights between the parents anymore. I'm a guest and I'm not as educated and well-behaved as they think of me. I feel like an imposer.

I've cried on the metro every day for the last two weeks. Sometimes, when I'm standing in the station and see the train rolling in, I think of jumping infront of it. But what use would it be? I'd be forgotten without anyone ever knowing what was up. I've never accomplished enough to be missed. And I'm still curious for tomorrow. I don't want to be rich and sad in a mansion, but I also don't want to be depressed and homeless in a car. There seems to be no in between. I'm too scared to drug myself, but too stimulated to endure raw everyday life. Who would ever reach out to a crazy kid crying on the metro?",3.1235739035739063,4.333177756756761,4.3513899613899625,87.52205771705775,73.55598455598457,7.513592713592716,25.926838926838933,8.012643519586192,1.3706527967527973,3940,131,849,57,78,1296,387,1036,0.179,0.6859999999999999,0.135,-0.9956,1,5,3,0,1,0,111.0,5,1,9,5,56,69,19,3,55,1,66,18,4,14,23,176,151,91,1,18,33,4,4,3,7,8,6,6,1,9,30,59,4,4,19,5,1,15,27,38,1,1,23,15,131,30,134,106,28,141,1,9,4,5,105,58,3,14,62,572,161,6,0.0,0.0,0.04252992160835805,0.0,0.0,0.04258800262920953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451379955605953,0.0,0.034852654201206125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644362484845057,0.09142102235297783,0.0,0.10759326394819174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708522584028071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900455865451601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034796825015788665,0.0,0.09574595818805644,0.05621380224178694,0.044931314667712864,0.1126118052591443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162447973547682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012817187046753,0.0,0.08635685805918791,0.19711288808356592,0.11015960090167017,0.20822320690715435,0.0391688538642555,0.0,0.08217080259560662,0.0,0.06610938025798654,0.03113511863703862,0.0,0.0,0.03983332364914045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202890843024185,0.0,0.1821591252360775,0.04180799902822637,0.0990750306914211,0.036554665471839484,0.06971330250998907,0.0,0.0,0.04315321092473119,0.0,0.0,0.03904107354068381,0.3442270451632432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051645094030605375,0.08763665125446447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097694739716253,0.0,0.0,0.04821722576430612,0.045384134646074006,0.1437097606113555,0.035525294148691405,0.0,0.0,0.047352166906298655,0.044565732601545636,0.0615667662860554,0.063876156282676,0.043680794562750286,0.07696772813236802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733847876086135,0.08247702640032413,0.0872743322185177,0.0,0.043784158408168634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04392058755925208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264192187309084,0.032037917482377117,0.032315634799467016,0.10083979365544256,0.04209194174760456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961860164638848,0.1371965021605211,0.0,0.0,0.03314621234983295,0.0,0.0,0.04839285412123305,0.0,0.0,0.09064318987442316,0.0,0.0910682057820863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381212913440317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583972194992182,0.0,0.04303214569869345,0.046790951951331435,0.0,0.037218944232833534,0.0,0.0,0.04363336590520527,0.08821498732430431,0.10418806636506492,0.07935116104795023,0.0,0.0,0.04473648224869972,0.03605163028351111,0.0,0.043613655281270855,0.0,0.036927040321265946,0.0,0.04310389115675897,0.0,0.0925430755566006,0.04645280588748665,0.1044143575367567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041075689584412385,0.0,0.06553675211169778,0.28023764819544056,0.2285564816353776,0.040124616585378456,0.0,0.10120454189767446,0.08686219301369795,0.0558514033085271,0.0,0.0,0.07623936022452665,0.0,0.0,0.08328928276286172,0.04842140641136677,0.08876831976246942,0.0,0.042573457855719664,0.0,0.052423997311733146,0.037641011108697366,0.0,0.0,0.12852949691315596,0.1729675324852291,0.03495899656227533,0.0,0.07837122901027706,0.0,0.07865227870739336,0.0,0.0,0.08402333402149409,0.09452603186738676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479765386023986,0.04765027300646664,0.0,0.11226198202429594
suicidewatch,mpspenguin,2019/01/14,"Everything that's meant to help doesn't I've been depressed for over a decade now, and the last four years of my life it's been so bad that I haven't done anything except stay home. I had to drop out of college because of depression and anxiety and then I had the fun of developing anorexia (which I've since recovered from).

I'm running out of hope to get better. I've been to so many doctors and therapists and they just don't know what to do with me. I'm not sad about anything in particular, it's not the kind of thing that CBT can help, more a complete lack of drive to live. Everything I DO want to do seems so out of reach; I have no energy and I can't focus for more than ten minutes at a time.

I've been told to get into good sleeping habits, exercise 5 times a week, eat healthy, drink lots of water etc. Having previously been really underweight I was hoping that a proper diet would help, but my brain is as foggy as ever. I've tried supplements, I take vitamin D, antidepressants on the max dosage and modafinil and I'm still useless.

I did the exercise thing and stuck to it for over three months, doing what's meant to be an energising workout. I felt shittier than before and just started dreading exercising so much that I had to stop. The amount of sleep I get doesn't seem to matter, and when I do get 8-10 hours it's very bad quality and I often wake up crying out.

I don't know what to do. I couldn't stand feeling like this four years ago and I can't stand it now. I've been trudging through recovery and just existing with the hope of something good at the other end, but I feel as broken as ever. Talking to therapists doesn't really help- even if they understand, the problems remain. I'd kill myself but I also have a crippling fear of death, which is just about the only thing keeping me alive. I cut for a while but I don't really see the point anymore, I don't have the energy to even do that.

I've tried going to hospital and walked out with a leaflet after waiting 8 hours because my suicidal thoughts weren't concrete enough. I have very little trust in medical professionals and I honestly don't see a future for myself beyond taking recreational drugs everyday until my body gives out.

TLDR; I've tried all the ""10 ways to beat depression!!"" tips and they haven't helped. I'm exhausted and sick of existing",4.286363636363639,5.3210280976645485,5.308847712796759,82.4220671685003,70.57112526539278,8.936267129897702,27.8608376761243,9.259372276320047,2.2314212314225053,1858,64,375,38,33,612,233,471,0.166,0.713,0.121,-0.9858,0,0,3,0,0,1,46.0,0,0,3,2,21,24,2,2,23,0,43,19,5,0,3,68,77,36,3,9,12,0,3,1,0,1,10,0,1,0,21,28,4,3,11,5,0,4,17,13,0,4,19,5,35,11,67,55,9,52,0,5,2,0,11,18,0,8,26,247,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583884987484107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841785554683782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544891318177598,0.0,0.0848470162944098,0.0,0.0,0.1408080304419671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286876922447547,0.10430638627536802,0.0,0.07280052789707983,0.0,0.0,0.07566595054454946,0.0,0.09503169706775592,0.0,0.09550705069321884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970220363286044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397753609648074,0.0,0.0,0.2210637439722492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756859560162747,0.0,0.08755189699652544,0.0,0.08381078125079335,0.0992159898068566,0.08754355181867121,0.0,0.0,0.07577584081048583,0.08840060768257885,0.09541581699493536,0.11301580277670464,0.15477777991272434,0.0,0.0,0.15378162995271066,0.0,0.0,0.09627253166010556,0.08651779197207443,0.061120109735253614,0.08214568007489116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879465714420384,0.08207161559926586,0.048622560415424496,0.14351801199282802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867266919147609,0.0,0.08581807999207099,0.25492459228431424,0.16850778148364454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760447181378044,0.09465331300642807,0.08909178481522573,0.09403696664837367,0.06973828820302523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042963181408852,0.04179757834420661,0.08574802582644983,0.07554613882099122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273532627085601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867387748596927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618709851008456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828873855834824,0.0,0.06289235814513466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506800760090181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087660037129925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186404564432656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442509692761628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363516253906554,0.15577109974782474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077151767913009,0.0,0.17123245476095225,0.0,0.0,0.06586398848312325,0.0,0.0,0.06055587367644904,0.09118965071088826,0.06832388708689772,0.07152734353888783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935826723914262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865258448040626,0.0687654189202242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867060018629412,0.17051570706161795,0.0,0.0,0.06792066961938968,0.09977496509949182,0.0,0.0,0.08175093471750566,0.0,0.1742575484662504,0.0,0.0,0.08906519030623368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118274759931193,0.05046222593289739,0.06790913302354946,0.06862661199494474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060775420199892724,0.0,0.0,0.11018850996539284
suicidewatch,Edgeofthelords,2019/01/14,I'mma do it if T-series beats Pewdiepie SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE ON YOUTUBE. T-series is about to beat him in subscribers. SUBSCIRBE TO THE PEWDS.,3.917179487179485,7.018460461538464,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,79.0,3.466666666666667,31.743589743589745,3.1291,1.0517589743589744,116,6,20,0,3,32,21,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad_blueberry353,2019/01/14,"Therapy is useless    Look for professional help, they said, it'll help, they said, well my therapist just gives useless obvious advice and seems to want to end the session as quickly as possible. What now? I tried fixing things on my own, I tried professional help. I was thinking of just swallowing as many sleeping pills as I can and see what happens, if it's not enough to kill me maybe they'll at least try more serious treatment ",8.75611111111111,7.781905567901237,8.186512345679013,72.43680555555557,61.22222222222222,12.050617283950615,40.003086419753096,11.20814326018867,4.4405530864197535,345,16,63,8,4,109,59,81,0.08199999999999999,0.743,0.174,0.7932,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,10,14,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,4,10,1,11,9,4,5,0,2,2,0,9,2,0,2,3,43,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824458419097227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536510131078666,0.19291604407168614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910432775342405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651025033654197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754330241659022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656128031434007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678507123100696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928943762062145,0.18757014064820585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104816923713652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551981800822304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877961171693133,0.16996910503121174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683970990211185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351329476725853,0.21677874884586645,0.12403842206051745,0.11963294436676465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802810611941538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012337196800392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787010396764732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cubicwhale,2019/01/14,"Worthless Nothing is going how it's supposed to. My parents hate me. I hate myself, too. I'm so fucking useless. I hate it. I can't do it anymore. I just can't.",-2.5122857142857136,-1.2227793714285689,1.1942857142857155,95.40571428571432,114.14285714285714,2.0,25.0,3.1291,0.1258571428571429,122,7,26,0,7,44,25,35,0.441,0.5589999999999999,0.0,-0.9543,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,10,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,10,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741351324511806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555465524228604,0.0,0.0,0.15709629662576746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8187248636137764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26523318884697894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069325585888516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HarmlessPie,2019/01/14,"Feeling useless I'm feeling pretty useless right now. I also feel like I'm just in the way for everyone and everything would be easier if I wasn't here. I tried life for a while and it's just not my thing so I might as well get it over with.

Also, does anyone else get that heavy feeling in the chest? I feel like throwing up but I haven't had anything to eat in a while so I don't think I could. Sorry if this isn't making any sense I just needed to get my feelings out there somehow",0.4332987012987033,2.435035533333334,2.4051082251082256,94.82064935064938,84.14285714285714,4.961038961038962,20.021645021645018,6.11248444174946,-0.04566666666666652,381,11,86,3,11,127,69,105,0.04,0.8079999999999999,0.152,0.6667,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,4,0,9,3,1,1,0,24,23,12,0,5,7,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,7,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,2,6,11,3,12,17,0,12,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,4,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756963258618435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722085802010923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052855345316965,0.17661847802358466,0.1418498735981179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762734902666934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084645594916885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638257876104296,0.14399712875276868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471162503740175,0.1549194651898421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229476394225275,0.2462893575895032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701763468637205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175350521562925,0.1684273598948384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506159901904292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286255217153266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278138205869823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536726568504313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720724163805518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192959612755072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451823884979792,0.1104508898913075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703125712299968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682318977564836,0.0,0.0,0.15498575636932968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245019898606355,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedSword12,2019/01/14,"Struggling today... It's been a tough day so far.  The thought was put out there that my depression is affecting my 3 year old negatively.   This has quickly awakened my dark self.  He has latched onto the thought that killing myself now will save her a lifetime of damage from my depression.  Sure she'll be sad a miss me for a bit.  But in no time she'll get old enough to barely remember me at all.  Wouldn't that be better than a lifetime of damage, worry and stress I will cause her.  I cause these things in everyone who is unfortunate enough to care about me.  

I have to work in 40 minutes and I hate feeling like this in public.  Time to be my fakest self while walking the edge of suicide.",2.9120559610705605,4.869501708029201,3.6770985401459884,89.03394464720196,75.71532846715328,6.610462287104625,26.015206812652067,7.492282038375204,1.2665673965936741,542,20,111,7,12,172,93,137,0.298,0.624,0.078,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,16,2,2,8,0,15,0,0,3,2,15,22,5,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,11,0,0,4,1,17,5,18,10,4,20,0,6,0,0,9,8,0,0,11,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644222268985318,0.1684265189229473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729194078434275,0.3169624110368475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949353454813503,0.0,0.2657507845703617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188111776179521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741477718253612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800523058213606,0.11021289712624187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806014470520079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523129731691268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068058114133786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753701559458917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237678146226785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508730631356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747616080693378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218814560048027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767195772359453,0.16127997989441872,0.0,0.16874998244851,0.0,0.14540078691625233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249234478468668,0.0,0.0,0.2449515815967045,0.17991603764974878,0.0,0.1462330772692018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231282096306117,0.15667205429518444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934696588335018
suicidewatch,throwthrowawayhey19,2019/01/14,"I just woke up, I can’t believe I’m alive I just woke up from taking a shit ton of Xanax, liquor, and chasing all of it with bleach. I don’t want to be here. ",-0.11495495495495335,0.7110994864864892,1.9767567567567568,102.8572072072072,81.16216216216216,4.933333333333334,17.738738738738736,3.1291,-1.1166504504504502,119,2,34,0,3,40,28,37,0.107,0.7759999999999999,0.116,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,7,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6262842312042777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706008522854684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179511299420858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278712889170043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jodie_ginger,2019/01/14,"Telling the family. So recently I went back to my gambling addiction and self harmed.
I finally decided to tell my family and all though the relief was incredible they don't leave me alone.
Constantly want to know how I am and today my sister called my work because she couldn't get hold of me and came to my house because she thought the worst.
Does anyone have any advice for this sort of thing? ",5.721688311688311,6.560965064935068,6.0471688311688325,79.13646753246755,67.18181818181819,10.315844155844157,29.685714285714287,10.355215969177356,2.9726072727272728,318,11,61,8,5,102,57,77,0.08900000000000001,0.82,0.091,-0.4427,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,14,11,7,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,13,1,7,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056387870894618,0.0,0.18433085735182905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953678244379787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827751596587936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189720414161246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450478202611072,0.0,0.22997894102053335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261629557799012,0.2157469212759073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384622522318824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650747911954057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35565449320573594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066392097422668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855342366477808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765818638000986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103668254547149,0.0,0.0,0.19973605640517952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625321265685785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678629022012512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297486742136411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531997684165774,0.0,0.1853318424062918,0.1497542406582395,0.0,0.0,0.1788028744523248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126115759536406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486550891764918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732772093057846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PatronSaintLucifer,2019/01/14,I really want to not be here anymore I would be six feet underground right now if I could buy the tools to end my Life literallg the ome reasom im not dead is because i cant fucking buy a gun amd i domt wamt to try to overdose and just end up vomiting or haveming seizures and i cant get rope without people wondering and i have no awareness of my surroundinfs so i dont know a buildimg high enough to kill me if i jump i homestly. Wamt someone to murder me it would.Make eberything so much easier,1.1061558441558468,3.275014247619051,3.1917748917748945,89.18064935064936,82.71428571428571,6.865800865800866,25.73593073593073,8.00094639256281,1.6480476190476192,396,17,85,8,11,134,73,105,0.113,0.787,0.101,-0.5014,0,0,0,1,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,0,4,0,9,4,1,0,0,15,14,8,3,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,7,3,0,1,0,0,14,0,9,10,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,3,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735417399061585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360180134184896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498653421955165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568613849401752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882327513004766,0.2264574749033497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261580236495955,0.11450539663842668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156133143066004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23673731783096186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24247514600395995,0.0,0.12044812005833025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480370767467555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111251935512524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194238401092786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404036059520757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716690547655412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569897690010595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879959705786774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927001931705392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112685856729989,0.23767660846206104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113790403811903,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angellriko,2019/01/14,"Pushed myself into a corner I’ve been set on killing myself for a while now. Have put it off because I’m a depressed piece of shit and a coward. I’ve basically gotten myself kicked out of school and possibly my house too. It’s really hit me now. I need to kill myself today. I wanted to OD, but it doesn’t seem like that’s happening. Probably gonna need to jump off a building or bridge. Place I’m at right now had no high buildings, so I can’t do it here. I’m in Ann Arbor Michigan. 16F. If there’s anybody at all near me that is willing to meet up NOW, please contact me. I’m not asking you to help me kill myself. I don’t know how to calm myself down. I’m might just start walking until I can think rationally. Please somebody fuckinf help me lol. What the fuck do I do. Also, just think it’s mentioning that school, while it plays a big part in why I’m killing myself, ISN’T the reason I’m doing so. I wanted to kill myself when I had a 4.0 too. Failing school isn’t the reason I’m killing myself. I failed school because I wanted to kill myself. I wish I could go back and tell my mom I was depressed and get help, but I never would have done that and it’s too late for me to do it now. ",0.7821484375000018,2.6472412304687545,2.8309437499999994,93.00468125000002,82.0078125,5.18975,19.224375,6.152001189255117,-0.12537200000000004,929,23,208,7,25,313,133,256,0.225,0.6609999999999999,0.113,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,1,7,29.0,0,1,0,2,19,16,9,0,10,1,23,2,1,3,2,32,50,17,8,9,7,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,6,1,0,5,8,13,0,0,6,0,33,3,26,38,3,37,0,4,0,1,10,17,2,4,15,140,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074143941389194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269816973570628,0.0,0.0,0.06802028870311075,0.0,0.10784880417845824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062812130288278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152380956947856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052530465107904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177985541080769,0.046216705072097436,0.0,0.05027386322304905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822489622157039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787864359953198,0.09346285917533388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207097665798967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6850752757003796,0.0,0.048615309012923054,0.0,0.09978674626865566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043217093439298165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384209321668348,0.0,0.10360329659688214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118395563737822,0.06822581442629401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579357232907758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242188449513204,0.1942050576542992,0.0,0.09972537185489504,0.0,0.0,0.09537485426459713,0.0,0.0,0.08892674459920287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666974865679333,0.18190325008751976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554436667279421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581050180668054,0.0,0.08053067234548371,0.0,0.0,0.0908029308275042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626124515975977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731794927736016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336320730471895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384974775421943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565280204994898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982140150392135,0.0,0.10172464784492498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283945428516496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ashen_soul,2019/01/14,it will never get better there is only one thing left to do,2.0984615384615397,3.1811742307692303,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,75.92307692307692,5.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.2167846153846154,47,0,10,0,1,16,13,13,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260358735763173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516750843642712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233824255811028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715266498287261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264210968450568,0.36636433244566624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200286156616267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway156492,2019/01/14,"I'm going to end it later, or try to at least... Sorry if this ends up being confusing or difficult to follow or too long, I just want to say some things that are on my mind for once.

I finished my A-Levels at college this last summer, have pretty much done nothing since then but play video games and watch Youtube videos. I got straight As at GCSEs before going to college, but I got lazy and just stopped caring this last year and hardly did any work. Right now I'm living at my Dad's for no rent, no job because I'm picky, lazy and too socially awkward to talk to new people, and I have no confidence in myself to do a good job if i did have one.

I'm still not 100% sure how I ended up like this, I'm not sure if I really am depressed or I'm just trying to find excuses for myself. I don't care about anything, I hate it when my family talks to me at all, I hate them caring about me at all, because they shouldn't. I just want them to ignore me, I want to stop being dependent on them for anything, so I can stop being a burden to them, maybe then I'll feel a tiny bit better about myself. But that won't happen because I'm too useless to do anything that would achieve that. I just wish they would stop trying to talk to me like they don't hate me. how could anyone look at me and not hate me?

The only one who knows is my Dad, but that's only because he saw my browsing history and opened my package containing rope. He isn't one to show his emotions much or even talk about them, but when he talked to me about it I knew he was really struggling, which just makes me feel even worse that I'm making someone feel that bad. No one else knows, or probably thinks about it at all. When my Mom made me limit my video game time, ie: the one thing making me remotely happy, away, all I did was lie in bed all day. Instead of asking how I feel or anything, she chastises me for it. She doesn't care about me, she only cares about me when I do things she wants. I feel so weak that I'm saying this to people I don't know on the internet, but can't say it to my family. It also makes me really sad that most people reading this will have more sympathy that my family would, maybe that's wishful thinking.
 
The only reason I didn't kill myself in October is because I wanted to play Smash Ultimate, but now I can't take it anymore. I haven't made any last arrangements or anything, I'm just doing it. To anyone who I might have played Splatoon 2 online with, thank you, I had a great time playing. Not sure I would have gotten this far without it.

The only fear I have right now is failing. I have to do it in my cellar so no one will hear or notice anything, but my head almost reaches the ceiling, so it my not work long enough for me to die. I've thought about how my family might be sad, but it means they won't have to worry about me anymore, so in the future they'll be happier.

I probably won't see any replies to this, if I get any, so if you want to try to convince me not to do it, it won't do much. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care if this post got no replies, maybe just seeing one thing before going would make me a bit happier.

My only wish is that I don't fail, I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough to carry on, I'm a coward, though I tell myself otherwise, nothing will change without me around. 

Goodbye",5.5967094017094015,4.249729112535615,6.454031339031342,83.5219871794872,67.7037037037037,9.338461538461539,28.901709401709404,8.07648339933343,1.6845880341880335,2575,66,572,27,36,859,263,702,0.19,0.682,0.128,-0.9945,3,0,0,0,0,2,76.0,0,2,10,8,45,42,5,4,13,0,64,2,1,13,8,117,135,51,2,23,42,3,6,2,0,16,1,5,2,0,43,10,0,7,15,11,1,4,31,20,0,7,19,16,94,22,72,93,16,62,0,6,5,0,42,26,0,23,33,387,137,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048956329630129546,0.0,0.0,0.0390973606788107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329876602675803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697159819084067,0.06837012878895357,0.0,0.2413941057635351,0.04352251575617505,0.045705603341165205,0.0,0.0459338176310942,0.0,0.0408211552047487,0.1490146239134755,0.0,0.0832036746562865,0.0,0.0,0.04323928214207283,0.10675055900358148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990800269374765,0.0,0.051719197397513114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903473205414213,0.0,0.0,0.03153004199746748,0.0,0.0421089341956668,0.0,0.050740160109206164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003150226834969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04084136893707745,0.05499473336480168,0.1299062366934111,0.1010329954123086,0.0,0.06458284271335042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435677740931464,0.055014906031373496,0.12360140824462182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468462610495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02554303676262447,0.0,0.08335603768175884,0.041006659986208935,0.11730553360193262,0.0539014601078632,0.0,0.0,0.043233315677157096,0.052044374463144034,0.04379588781663765,0.1930752370027938,0.05017530295501607,0.0,0.055102647121020726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703167482878253,0.0,0.05408960407306602,0.0,0.08060608972921877,0.11955576443622748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777042434209478,0.0,0.043170815772700884,0.08653232339675035,0.04105533435185569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252190752168514,0.16317246242093725,0.0,0.14734989967361886,0.05325560435660977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372924825238286,0.04936502027761192,0.057259443518852926,0.0,0.0,0.10781945110766844,0.0,0.0,0.04721832141325506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382265594988988,0.05566165359308405,0.0,0.05206631478574384,0.23190417392764398,0.22309854714015226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168262844887156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682315985786442,0.049738763955677966,0.10542350022184288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890328704281489,0.0,0.09396066666875448,0.05026712091416002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350368258066708,0.046505639631213236,0.11663800617103652,0.0,0.0,0.07791809074446981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044236011743374,0.0,0.0,0.04983725593475339,0.04142438638695005,0.0,0.0,0.1094568315735805,0.0,0.0,0.03904366243379343,0.16349710620921962,0.0,0.051110502431306506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823489954665175,0.0,0.03675923819512409,0.19647987826167548,0.04273206447152544,0.04501139562229501,0.0,0.0,0.1299215250581592,0.06265354847768344,0.04803423247852824,0.03881324394678945,0.05701637044937865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327725570844343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301973283305958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866345721841566,0.09425654002445688,0.0,0.07118508710947677,0.04965022575780295,0.049823144570818115,0.17365046777407409,0.0,0.0,0.031483593590772845
suicidewatch,thegamerrr,2019/01/14,I really need to talk to someone only place i feel i wont be judged for what ive done thanks and hope to hear from someone soon,-0.19287356321839155,1.6165446551724116,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,85.20689655172413,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5159747126436782,101,2,25,1,3,34,23,29,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,5,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149847641322079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563218635139794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469113162619314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057133933388127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282287117598619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340946539117953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215839549014578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971836215618721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5215933955142978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473968012354876,0.0,0.28337953470406063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fihmlrn,2019/01/14,"Thank you all I’ve been reading from this community this afternoon and you all have given me some much needed perspective.
Despite fucking up my job, my career prospects, and for the foreseeable future, my wife/children’s chance to get out of crappy rundown apartments, taking my life could only be worse for them still.

I still wish I could start over, go back in time, end this humiliation, but reading your responses to other posts solidifies the nagging thought in the back of my mind that taking my life would forever become my family's scar. A scar my wife/kids will never heal from.

I’ll keep lurking here to keep this fresh in my mind.

Stay strong everyone and I thank this community for existing.",7.2378461538461565,8.023636592307696,6.995192307692308,73.8535576923077,63.84615384615386,10.192307692307693,33.17307692307692,10.125756701596842,3.358,567,22,98,12,8,179,88,130,0.08900000000000001,0.782,0.129,0.6705,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,1,5,5,2,0,4,0,7,4,0,0,3,19,21,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,17,3,16,13,4,20,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,10,65,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23945059309778485,0.0,0.0,0.17196072587979894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24863089907150224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790583720535118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487800197787782,0.0,0.0,0.14678207363389212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394407356193303,0.08134791583171437,0.0,0.08848908609179039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451029942790298,0.2767903439320909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199539821187917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144294511175768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445895170619325,0.11545112708720075,0.12008705079348175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841845590243592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911956250503014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114884510579492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020674093129408,0.16595771147165406,0.2486877809355476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341371891309647,0.0,0.0,0.2866991310843837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361006763139525,0.09079114099566728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790497197494005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867373205008906,0.11060629766068422,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shewashedtheveggies,2019/01/14,Setting myself up... I have two weeks left on lease in my apartment. I have no plans of finding another place. I'm selling my vehicle so I can give the money to my family that's been helping me pay my bills. I've set a date. I'm working out the how. I'm so exhausted with thoughts of killing myself and ending the burden on my family. I wake up crying and have severe mood changes multiple times a day. I can't keep a job. I have no friends. Because of my mental incapabilities to process things rationally this is the only things I have put real thought into. It's become overwhelming. ,1.7087179487179505,4.1798487606837655,3.855042735042737,83.45384615384617,82.76068376068376,6.676923076923077,26.09401709401709,7.882392219407189,1.8479196581196584,463,20,89,9,13,158,79,117,0.188,0.767,0.045,-0.9407,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,1,7,0,9,2,1,1,0,11,16,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,4,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,16,1,13,13,0,18,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,0,5,58,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216684317790889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117151963239811,0.2023991731033916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386755941271805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013053902058468,0.11818923335657652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623162921282654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455273892094092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749872082613446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158825087436544,0.0,0.0,0.1758022107120679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283707574345315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818598792262877,0.16289224312189224,0.2027529439532592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991153802532817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846856239992844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937948582275134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191470439559464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422955742585395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859299060999809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070346046676944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435030921362939,0.0,0.0,0.2909801101134775,0.10686191145460394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902095729669956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470022249994372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341737496838638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cheery_Charie,2019/01/14,"It’s nighttime and I am alone...Want to die but also want to live. What should I do now? I thought I like being alone. I thought I was independent. I thought I hate interacting with people, well actually I really do. I don’t like interacting with people at all. Like a party, when everyone is smiling, laughing, cheering...I want to question their happiness. What make them so happy? And why am I here? Looking like a lost child, cannot seem to fit in. I tried, I tried to communicate because they said it helps me feel better and not so isolated but I failed miserably. 

Whenever I am surrounded by cheerful crowd, I suddenly feel so sad and they seem so far away from me. I don’t know how I can describe it, it’s like I am in the middle of nowhere. 

So I hide, I hide in my bedroom. Now that my roommate has left for her trip, I thought I could finally breathe but I was wrong. 

Every time the night approaches, I start drowning in my own dark fantasy. I think about how it feels if I slice a knife on my skin, will this hurt more than the heaviness in my chest? Will it distract me and help me escape from the reality? The boring university life, the happy people who are just minding their own business, the winter where everywhere looks either white or grey...but I am not brave enough to do it and it results in me falling into a state of “want to cry, but the tears just won’t come out” and the heaviness in my heart just keeps getting heavier. 

The scarier thing is I am very self-conscious. I am very awake and well aware of what’s going on inside my head and I am desperately trying to save myself but it is so painful. I am scared of my own thoughts and keep thinking what if one day I suddenly stab or cut myself and become breathless? It’s like there are two personalities in me. One who keeps tempting me to let it all go and just rest forever when one desperately ttell to hang on, things will pass.

What should I do? Please, please save me. Tell me what’s wrong with me? Don’t like people but also cannot stay being alone. Want to die, but also want to live. I’m so conflicted and scared right now.",2.076412553462028,4.2448747085308085,3.4397861518899537,88.73342445960007,79.16587677725119,6.676314876892843,24.036758756213153,7.765008861874849,1.1932351635649066,1645,58,345,27,41,537,202,422,0.19,0.604,0.206,0.4468,0,3,0,0,0,3,58.0,0,0,5,3,27,32,2,4,14,0,37,7,5,5,2,73,70,38,3,10,18,0,4,7,0,6,2,1,1,2,23,19,0,4,14,1,0,8,8,14,2,4,9,8,60,18,40,51,9,45,0,5,3,0,18,22,0,7,20,239,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.07845522159010697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653270497182504,0.0,0.19287875018008285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553499930995686,0.0,0.0,0.04900885706855943,0.08879143099432944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110402128983022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925432024139189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418992826709971,0.0,0.08831159430734596,0.05184898236956935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687739693735051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307090105205579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677373761983753,0.07682213942709487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195240153712612,0.0,0.0,0.08807025069408103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200376462793653,0.0,0.09138217510157058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567501674299922,0.0,0.07937473220113657,0.08250982978428595,0.0,0.0,0.09527003913914536,0.10777593176083262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606593496114062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437985851771252,0.0,0.0,0.044183720884205996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735084869461195,0.08221069530240087,0.05678630607456325,0.2749431039117143,0.0,0.14198286612231478,0.0,0.1350253391452582,0.0,0.08776209221018169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366517512372443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117737573114928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544651029692816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343590335260574,0.0,0.08554736437699953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229467718506041,0.07019897505881861,0.0,0.17650205739549546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006229010595139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051503948202083344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865802725963507,0.07647532120375851,0.0,0.16098150484915788,0.0,0.0,0.14637960024421376,0.0838709068548071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056904936766497334,0.08569179160369705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026993676625559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068234996754702,0.10302944508197263,0.0,0.3191285316499928,0.0468797470432186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637514938606745,0.0,0.07853553318732576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267078545650188,0.2370991946339477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457191327345328,0.0,0.07254518373415865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758015338931052,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xo_theo,2019/01/14,"i havent written here in a while these past months ive been alright but all of it changed today. i don't know why but all of a sudden i feel depressed again. and it always seems to be about the same thing.

i will never find someone who loves me because im mean to everyone.

my friends left me, ive found new ones but i feel like they're tired of me already. i turned 15 in september but i wanna be 18 already so i can move out. i don't wanna be around anyone, i just wanna disappear.",-0.14385714285714354,1.929257590476194,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000003,87.38095238095238,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.08628571428571474,377,12,87,3,12,126,72,105,0.103,0.763,0.135,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,11,2,0,0,3,22,20,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,2,16,4,13,13,3,15,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,9,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035109183096493,0.0,0.152127704045915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278377246966317,0.0,0.0,0.1627558551050048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145037053492177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340798783173468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746965618833156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470017495935078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488685721879028,0.1306124988195036,0.0,0.0,0.1671016577374158,0.0,0.0,0.20046167875002888,0.1412526096948916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974858237442018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047759443293353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864336848205855,0.0,0.0,0.08932062091819054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650095837997594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915350194259068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593172072125762,0.19431743704504667,0.0,0.0,0.14100837474795225,0.17657660970912314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238891163548681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453019927593924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643992190176254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490973606349032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214629286703564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013411468571305,0.17329975102930387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19886457538829835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497400860390274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TossinThisOut1,2019/01/14,I think of suicide at least once a moth. I don’t know how normal this is but at least once a moth for a few days I think about clocking out. I know everybody has ups and downs but I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be this frequent. I’m not st the planning stage yet and I’m hoping not to get there. It just gets real dark sometimes. ,-0.8975375375375378,1.1007640810810813,1.1707207207207233,101.31376876876878,90.62162162162159,3.8294294294294287,17.68168168168168,5.033348758259628,-0.8399741741741741,258,7,64,1,9,85,51,74,0.076,0.8690000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.1263,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,19,14,6,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,10,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,4,41,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541904289170062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680177016040919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547589299654753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819275706498348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513121407444699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463208681705866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919492062066359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536816274903681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805655735460757,0.0,0.24174494470040325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287052400304323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stalk_er,2019/01/14,"Wandering alone, experiencing. I went to the forest today, in fact, I was wandering all over my city, for about 5 hours, its winter here now. I rolled 2 joints, dang, they were the best I ever made. I always struggle while smoking them, because they go off, so fast, but these, I light them once, and thats it. I must say, that I wasted them more than I do it usually, I mean, I dont have the filter, but I also finished quicker. They put me in a state of complete dullness, I have the cheapest CBD... so. It was scary, and amazing at the same time, the emptiness, I didnt think about anything at all, GOD, I have OCD and tons of other things, and my head is always full of thoughts, and I cant stop it, but today, I loved it. I sat under 2 trees, took some branches to cover me, and tried to enjoy the moment. I must say, that I also feeled stressed, since I know that the final day is coming \[suicide\]. I took a too big drag, and thought, shiet... I chocked, cought came after... how long did it take? Like 1/2 seconds, then I realized that I have nothing to be afraid, because that will be mostl likely, how long I will suffer before death \[gun\]. The worst thing in that, is not the death, because noone cares anyway, but the fact, that I achieved nothing in my life... some people tend to say that ghosts are here because they have still a lot to do, and I do. In my last note, I cursed everyone, and wrote that I hope they burn in hell for eternity. ",3.734241379310344,4.5224030793103465,4.387758620689656,89.43060344827587,71.65517241379311,6.90344827586207,25.1896551724138,6.742157984588678,0.7859862068965522,1103,31,238,8,20,352,163,290,0.165,0.725,0.11,-0.9608,0,1,0,1,0,1,77.0,0,0,8,2,15,15,1,3,14,0,25,3,1,3,7,40,45,21,4,3,5,0,1,2,0,4,1,3,0,0,21,11,0,1,7,0,0,7,4,7,0,1,14,6,44,8,26,25,11,44,1,2,0,1,13,13,2,4,25,171,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308130946980307,0.0,0.19007092646920845,0.19776704831574948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779432790789278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897724770464636,0.0,0.10112319126527314,0.0,0.12471414342947924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359200966746043,0.1211642269910106,0.0,0.0,0.10236923039463902,0.12460037525697774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664128971907364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927836119000206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749663150695776,0.0,0.11355570689322962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008854247464964,0.0,0.0,0.1301822579846435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753891240524225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196304498505114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180338890776208,0.11703242482490946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531077753881948,0.09686960328690336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393946297566922,0.1161174137446326,0.0,0.0,0.21033745746509316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103262328850296,0.10725678973646817,0.11244828535750703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945045246013706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805835011085746,0.0,0.0,0.1265596004096409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238796285114187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194659655917458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835165022592586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983048052689656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490493683841024,0.09935468121337597,0.13612961263748946,0.12423627043820015,0.0,0.12999052002386896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935209869340575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790263209173724,0.07614719893477861,0.0,0.18868969946198624,0.06929594585842677,0.0,0.2252908531675168,0.0,0.26406888624373553,0.0806838444353143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088431103038864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016489475993707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,billpaxton12,2019/01/14,"Im just tired A little background about me, i have been diabetic for 20 year, and epileptic for 15, i have never been able to make a decision about my future, everything i want to do has been dictated by these two things, the careers i wanted to to were taken away becasue of this, as part of the diabetes i am starting to go blind, and im just tired of having no choice in what i can do with my life.",6.564285714285713,4.6297244761904786,7.630952380952383,77.75571428571429,66.14285714285714,11.257142857142858,32.904761904761905,10.125756701596842,2.9152476190476184,312,10,68,6,4,107,58,84,0.132,0.852,0.016,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,12,6,0,1,1,10,18,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,1,9,0,17,13,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,54,13,1,0.22149078992275384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080978881633796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990616401739916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258783201703578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784961222539027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644549518329315,0.0,0.2219919592209268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478468221776087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708273516625045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23985294136643096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677232111416453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714863898699038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091421608095182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636431788400365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612820130498565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263280684945484
suicidewatch,SOS2019SOS,2019/01/14,"Mercy. Please I need some help. I just want a painless way to go because I have No more options . I and yes. There are ways. I’ve OD’d before, so I know. I don’t hsve anybodydon’t have any options now, unfortunately. And no it will not get better this time. And please do not spam me with “it’s gonna be ok” and “you’re worth it” or “Jesus loves you” I don’t love him.  I’m 37 I have no one, gonna be homeless in the cold of winter very soon and I have nothing. Please. I just need the mercy of someone who understands. Please. I am undetectable, so please don’t try that either. Dashrendar99@protonmail.com. PLEASE after everything I’ve been through I just need the mercy of someone who understands. Please dashrendar99@protonmail.com please",0.6383044420368336,2.9223217253521163,1.5808450704225372,93.45632719393284,102.87323943661973,4.438136511375948,17.433369447453956,6.297961479604792,-0.013239219934995106,583,17,117,8,26,181,83,142,0.073,0.605,0.321,0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,2,14,2,0,0,0,23,28,8,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,1,1,15,4,8,22,3,9,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,4,5,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670857109288788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013641845519115,0.0,0.08394429460569793,0.0,0.0,0.08724833497239805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866069259789372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154080542676887,0.0,0.05606534257232303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612333891709411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421572521642326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807182394947654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194442482022164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465779852009852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684811999638672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8663088442882291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671724672782185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057523889637350625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669772019895127,0.0,0.0,0.2053972626338312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139697952790477,0.05818661048940475,0.15660832231891075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imblueurblur,2019/01/14,Disappear It's not something we often talk about but i want to hear your disappear or suicide plan. ,1.8161403508771947,4.594253421052635,3.027368421052632,84.63824561403509,93.73684210526315,6.7438596491228076,27.385964912280702,7.793537801064563,2.5418280701754385,81,4,14,2,3,26,18,19,0.41,0.531,0.059,-0.8625,0,0,1,0,0,1,1.0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598141144159456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823819562079821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433063827492546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992265881820132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292965019447232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mardoo,2019/01/14,"What's the whole point? I feel bored of life. Hey there. 

Quick recap I guess, 31, no friends, nearly no family, job I hate, anxiety, no future. What do I do? How can I justify to myself and the world to keep on living?

I have no idea what to do, I can't find another job, I've tried, I'm using all of my energy to find it in me to get a new job, but nobody wants me.

I found some unpaid internships but I just can't do that because of financial reasons. I just can't go on. I'm not really suicidal, but I don't know who else to ask for advice. Or who to vent to. 

Ah well, have a good night guys, don't kill yourselves, I sure won't.",-0.7156904761904741,1.0626226214285737,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,87.07142857142858,6.3047619047619055,16.476190476190478,7.554174236665415,0.07639047619047634,477,10,119,9,15,170,87,140,0.103,0.7440000000000001,0.153,0.9164,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,4,1,13,1,0,3,2,23,26,6,2,1,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,11,3,2,0,1,1,16,4,16,24,3,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,4,75,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660179660184334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804398584447394,0.12259656635466824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981915071202856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976914984875904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338745965652442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510765300115491,0.0,0.08103101876500851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929449451944806,0.0,0.0,0.17571410209257252,0.12381456463666828,0.0,0.08372794131646094,0.0,0.09107804338549752,0.1344164068202436,0.0,0.0,0.17654172903886636,0.1586801432973573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822112562087862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091123671229573,0.0,0.0,0.4770925899337437,0.14244424971902034,0.1773012049329626,0.0,0.08807334347538998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319462778408572,0.0,0.0,0.14151032875188393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477771421977946,0.0,0.15039082907515314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514951589252795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266507278164234,0.16477142436746814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752957191759336,0.0,0.15104081873909658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880433845153108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841104540293772,0.0,0.0,0.09452403912047423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440907592187271,0.0,0.0,0.17892180116301265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Randomboi1233,2019/01/14,"Today I set a date. 15th of march. If nothing gets better until then I will 100% end my suffering. I have never ever been so low that I am right now. I don't really feel worthless as many others do. I am actually quite smart, outgoing and my family loves me. I just feel like I don't fit in. I should not be on this planet, I am not made for this. I have trouble finding love, I can't get my self heard and people treat me differently. Like I am less than what they are.

I have been depressed for many years but now I am starting to become numb. I act on autopilot, work 8 hours, lay in bed for 13. On the weekends I usually go out for drinks with the few friends I have. I always get the most drunk til I can't stand or speak and when I get home, I cry myself to sleep. Everyone in my town knows me for ""how I am always wasted til oblivion"". No one gets me.

Why does it seem like everyone, easily can just accept who they are and love themselves? Why does everyone have so easy building relationships? Why can't I be like them? Why am I so jelous? I truly hate myself. I want to be normal, I want to fit in, I want to be respected and accepeted for who I am. Though, I am not.

It has always been like this. Though when I was little, I had goals and ambitons. I wanted to become a soccer star, an actor you name it. It all quickly changed, when I was 13 I said ""when I grow up I want to be homeless"". People laughed but deep down as a fucking 13 year old boy, I knew that nothing would come out of me. Im 21 years old now, still depressed. I have always made small improvements but knowing how little joy it gives me Im slowly giving up. 

This world is not for me. Thankfully there are people who are meant for this. Not for me, and if nothing magical happens within 2 months. This will probably be my last 2 months alive.

Thanks for reading.",0.9100484554815224,2.9615206509186365,2.838372703412073,92.11293155663236,82.64829396325459,5.902442963860287,20.005451241671715,7.116496586553881,0.3732185342216843,1412,39,312,19,39,472,192,381,0.108,0.691,0.201,0.9884,1,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,1,3,4,20,27,2,0,7,0,44,8,1,4,3,50,78,30,0,10,13,0,2,5,1,4,1,3,2,2,18,11,2,0,9,6,0,4,12,9,0,1,12,5,59,18,39,56,4,60,0,5,0,4,20,23,1,5,36,213,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0777674961812872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652391473311748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602620018992482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048073527878868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430313548287764,0.06864724840174581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753746957647905,0.0,0.0,0.13727649937226494,0.0,0.0,0.0832607500504219,0.0,0.0,0.1394772948667779,0.0,0.0,0.0780674192861394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058309501506949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208560557660999,0.0,0.2284461880337709,0.0,0.0,0.07512613867375817,0.0,0.0805889247277597,0.05693168781279829,0.0,0.0,0.07283666951701448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156952474361348,0.07367359081362966,0.20817783310643548,0.1528948693917132,0.04529056708537313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047100984364167,0.0,0.0,0.07867894651540891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799371624161902,0.0,0.07848016349290571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216118467185046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875928274880006,0.06495928213760288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466642745986512,0.15974381780598912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577431400320676,0.15081221862329114,0.0,0.16158952832273185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721813365761134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614630670318493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808083806465195,0.2293986896716801,0.0,0.16724583625468853,0.0,0.05400108381255147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574434317869974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592101259781493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476181538727667,0.07971315566715884,0.0,0.05105247316810579,0.0,0.0,0.08555894390547981,0.0,0.06805618242497788,0.07580495127205074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254823052112623,0.08313570845072688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974914230435969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640611756608688,0.0,0.0636418067087425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467386183221089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659316509997204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553830921855641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877690276322032,0.0,0.2350208225733552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876370589323968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580164266358011,0.0,0.0,0.05661061906628415,0.0,0.0,0.15395631348863925
suicidewatch,Egg0Waffle,2019/01/14,"Some things never really change. I wake up wanting to die every day, but most days it’s a passive impulse, something that plays in the back of my mind while I go on autopilot and go about my life. It’s not passive today. I feel like I’ve just reached the limit of things that I can bury and keep living, that I probably reached that point a long time ago, and that I’ve been in such a daze from depression that I’ve just been waiting on a day when I have the energy to get past the dissociation and process the amount of pain I’m in daily. I’m 29, I’ve dealt with this for as long as I can remember, but I made so much of what I thought was progress in between 22 and now. I used to hurt myself every day in every single way that I could. I was passively suicidal in almost every decision I made, but… that was years ago. So many things have changed.  

I used to cut. Now, when things go even a bit wrong, I punch myself in the arm until my bicep is mottled black and blue, or I slam my head against a wall until I can’t see straight. Ever play Doki Doki Literature Club?  That warped and twisted version of Yuri who can’t stop hurting herself? I identify. I’m just better at hiding the evidence. No one really knows about what I do to cope, aside from seeing the bruises, and it’s better than adding to the scars I have from years of cutting, in some warped definition of better. I self harm all the time, while telling everyone around me who knows my past that it gets better, that I used to cut, you can see the scars whenever it’s cold, but that it doesn’t last forever, you can feel better. I ran a support group for other transgender people, telling others about how much better I feel years on in transitioning, never mentioning the fact that my family edited me out of their lives the day I came out to them, not bringing up that my nervous tic is to quietly whisper to myself “Egg0 killed herself yesterday”, just to try out how it might feel for someone else to say now that the pronouns are finally right, and to wonder if any of my family would ever say the same thing to one another, and how they’d react if they heard it. I choke myself in the mirror and dissociate, watching the panicked expression slowly come, thinking I’m doing well by walking out alive at the end instead of just letting that terrified looking girl in the mirror die. This is my version of progress, it’s just passive manipulation, hiding the evidence from everyone including myself in the hope that if I can’t see it, it’s not going to really hurt me.

I feel like I’m so dissociated that I’m almost just playing the guardian to this actively suicidal person, that I’m watching from somewhere in the corner and stepping in when things are about to get out of control. It’s so easy to tell myself that I’ve got it under control, and that there’s nothing that’s going to come up that I can’t intercede in on my own behalf. Today, though, I don’t feel that split. There’s only one of me, and I want to die. I have a sharp knife and a cup of coffee, a divot in my thigh from twirling the blade, a bruise on my arm from last night, and a reel of flashbacks of every minor thing I’ve ever done wrong playing through my head. This isn’t a please-talk-me-out-of-it post, I’m not trying to put my emotional burden on anyone else. But the people in my life depend on me to be the steady one, they’re all convinced that I’m the one who they can turn to when things get rough, and they know that I’ll drop everything to help a friend in a situation where depression’s getting the upper hand, and there is no one I can tell something like this to that’s not going to leave me just like my family did the last time I admitted one of the darkest secrets in my life.

I guess… Idk. I guess I just need some solidarity. I need to feel like the alienation is just a symptom of depression, or of being borderline, because I don’t feel like this is chemical or situational. This feels like I’ve backed my way into a corner that I can’t get out of, and the decent thing to do is to stop the suffering. I just don't know how to get past the fact that this is a continual part of my life, not a one time reaction to circumstances, and it's never really ended through years of psychiatrist visits and major life changes. I guess I just haven't ever felt like I can stand myself, and I always feel like I'm trapped in a room with a person who makes me deeply uncomfortable to be close to. I think the loneliness is the hardest part right now. This isn't the person my friends know, they know and like the person who I just fucking hate with every part of who I am, and they don't know that I regret almost every interaction I've ever had with them for all the things that I could have said better, in a better tone, in a better voice, with a better vocabulary or with more knowledge. They like that person, and I know I should find that solidarity there, but I can't, because if I had the choice, I'd murder that person to keep anyone from ever having to interact with that waste of a human being. I just can't get past that.

I'm sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading, I guess.",7.478317937701397,5.588535835406701,7.858447417244411,76.70627477785375,64.33014354066987,10.903817986524755,33.19255932037887,9.555129878548652,2.7681164925300257,4048,124,834,62,49,1340,371,1045,0.15,0.7040000000000001,0.147,-0.9569,0,1,2,0,0,3,100.0,0,2,10,15,53,54,7,1,66,0,63,16,8,15,14,164,147,57,7,14,33,0,14,11,2,3,7,7,1,9,79,44,0,8,29,6,0,15,26,22,1,8,18,31,104,32,137,118,21,133,0,8,9,1,48,54,1,22,69,571,183,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747246734816811,0.0,0.114329151419599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03166741079797221,0.0,0.0,0.025880831723805408,0.039907264963634885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322225519454976,0.03899504905738582,0.0,0.03387980220768886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852870161721883,0.0,0.046399762481794414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365932095430473,0.041549618189160135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352835898347193,0.0,0.0,0.12078135749215395,0.06556741377468661,0.0,0.0,0.0853708521306101,0.06077263587580324,0.0,0.0,0.12272171862247633,0.0,0.09833822817492087,0.0,0.11849498301870097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389466778644276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358536391743902,0.042810270879153234,0.06741640931136555,0.0,0.0,0.025137034235298627,0.20655453079690705,0.22445929657606967,0.07273234341649731,0.03420419093530618,0.0,0.10763344637404687,0.0,0.19243332749327333,0.1631324030586241,0.0365417706478488,0.041690818337192105,0.034784438993411534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880722969622544,0.035184125552083716,0.15907040634316436,0.0,0.12977586522323048,0.0,0.03043856118494252,0.0,0.16770127231837392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037574521642451265,0.07811723703428712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025509560588002658,0.0,0.0,0.03780030784031917,0.0,0.0,0.12222603766449786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765562465703741,0.04210567922484292,0.0,0.1673260122529374,0.09306736022753312,0.0,0.04029806179263677,0.0,0.03891701381811777,0.13440790459529808,0.20452606541290053,0.0,0.06721204756258428,0.10104073547854532,0.03195924186009525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720230407698348,0.02540409558828657,0.03858496775860412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403736589312897,0.03842785955558528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055954205376269064,0.05643923851881155,0.08805832225831953,0.0,0.0,0.03571497446839585,0.0,0.03651779970613616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631337680996092,0.028944920878333686,0.04049653088709517,0.0,0.0,0.12363972982019207,0.14532315600990048,0.05276942719496331,0.19938533342889506,0.0,0.0,0.035977231898882134,0.0,0.07289833168701275,0.0,0.041033098311320806,0.0,0.0,0.038258929796333996,0.0,0.0,0.0380684265036156,0.0,0.09752404387264993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043112439393980254,0.06500286576483663,0.036201994413064514,0.060530700953536375,0.0,0.0,0.121309600649583,0.0,0.03970292708266725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555785961732,0.0,0.0,0.03224652787139546,0.05859801170088575,0.0,0.04260295779739099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363659732964702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325882865715138,0.0431879120026995,0.0,0.039556966600484175,0.0,0.03058968121507033,0.1330579234281585,0.03503881047039476,0.0,0.0,0.2528412877228497,0.04877222267953547,0.037391916972074016,0.030213902048376682,0.08876800064808714,0.0,0.07214930957447309,0.0,0.0,0.05167794065295369,0.041396313981606175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986100079993498,0.0,0.0,0.04489533922511159,0.06041754019391962,0.0,0.0,0.034218827160377975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041272415750968114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027035401787974783,0.08322117576792314,0.0,0.09803274513066773
suicidewatch,AnotherTrowaway12,2019/01/14,"Today has been one of the roughest days in a while! I only got three hours of sleep today, I havent been able to get good sleep in such a long time and it's killing me. I dont know how much longer I can go on like this, I just want to feel like someone appreciates all the hard work I put into school and life, no one seems to care, I dont get the point anymore. I dont know how much longer I'll be able to live like this ):",4.115312500000002,2.5639374062500018,4.927166666666668,93.93450000000004,70.77083333333334,8.096666666666668,24.40833333333333,5.6839178017228535,0.21482333333333287,325,5,88,1,5,106,61,96,0.113,0.7020000000000001,0.185,0.7385,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,5,0,9,3,2,2,1,12,19,5,1,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,3,2,9,5,10,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,10,50,12,2,0.2868612972261732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422446624591945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623710541267346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250090263393457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042989558764203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252284554756562,0.10246688402798776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987318803725766,0.0,0.0815149429674115,0.1203028230356256,0.11471459233499337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848568850681874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125029697990665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586847616718247,0.0,0.1576514668844725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130930886363723,0.21021890985134606,0.0,0.1266518904966533,0.12693161052328847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108760601451314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438463902917924,0.10908547150281336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558832382206695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418741766712306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451594737933147,0.0,0.13057387561892805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870684650243348,0.0,0.1215283231198209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363556464501277,0.0,0.2719109679593269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459911271196376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044192204411074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,help_please8989,2019/01/14,"This isn't working out anymore. Before anything else, I know others have been through way worse. My life can sound pretty simple and easy. I had decided to post here way before. I was literally sitting on the road and crying that day and I thought this is the lowest I've reached. But fuck, it got way way worse and I can't go on now. Seriously.
My family is alright. Except my father is an alcoholic. My mom pretends it's all okay. She has not raised me as a child. My grandmother did. She was busy studying and I really admired that. But her ambition took her really far from me. I am proud for who my mom is today. I do not hate her for placing her work first. But what hurts me is that my younger sibling got the love and care I craved for. She still gets pampered. I slog my ass off for even a little thing I ask. I feel like I have to do something of worth every time I make a request for something to my mother cuz how else would I justify myself to be deserving of that thing. My sibling, on the other hand, gets what she/he wants whenever he/she wants. I do not envy my sibling. I want the best for her but why didn't I get the same treatment?
Then my relationships. Oh God. Wow. Where do I even start. I've made mistakes, I agree. But no matter how much I try to fix things, to make it better for that person, they just don't care. Maybe I don't feel as much as the other person does about me but does it mean I don't care about them at all? I have had a pretty rough past and I fucking hate myself and relationships because of it. No matter how hard I try, I just can't get past my past and I can't make anyone happy in the present. 
I have no clue what I'm going to do about my future either. I fucking have no plans, no ambitions left in me anymore. I had dreams. I had a reason to work hard for. Now I feel no matter what I do, it's just useless.
So. I'm killing myself. I live in a dorm so I'm just concerned how other people will react to a dead body in a bed but otherwise I'm all set. ",-0.3525646401118081,1.8425375660377377,1.9160901467505267,95.31018169112512,90.7924528301887,4.650174703004891,17.993361285814114,6.238725200709706,-0.20820810621942692,1544,43,349,16,54,519,196,424,0.13699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.154,0.3281,1,0,3,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,2,8,20,23,6,0,17,2,38,9,3,11,3,56,75,27,2,5,16,4,7,1,0,2,2,1,2,3,25,10,1,0,8,2,1,3,17,10,0,1,14,8,67,13,39,58,8,40,0,2,0,5,23,16,4,0,15,239,92,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894161854871475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507256718644633,0.05819246505481712,0.0,0.06848662475316239,0.0,0.07780361898835023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507328475071861,0.0,0.14163574109430696,0.0,0.0873389175547212,0.07360525596829033,0.0,0.09244359368293256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455859634075795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914181418441057,0.053672880236287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456605404274712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904668467120196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993791833677537,0.0,0.07012018199897363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845659732575767,0.0,0.1262423357815312,0.0594555581407072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079066802485344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308189672748329,0.17392534436098245,0.0,0.09459673682692624,0.0,0.13312437825859516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859396628007084,0.1491055065396424,0.16433381333707414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909348666994511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207551457353234,0.0,0.04573797692900138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904235999678108,0.0,0.05878388476897195,0.04065925863270095,0.08341275493546357,0.07348870721000421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751133083897137,0.07874897949776248,0.1666588842618592,0.0,0.08361013832084778,0.09065581564315824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949429217145181,0.0,0.0,0.12235908189632827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834144138149616,0.05769734929082983,0.1453367456350881,0.08695182868527065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970601027228502,0.16933835490028995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663141752108243,0.08556858759862795,0.0,0.17870381010155856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281404831764723,0.0,0.0,0.05890668854697364,0.0,0.06646314705078311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587186408891932,0.0,0.0,0.06607091085083816,0.048528841523318086,0.0,0.07888704003229954,0.0,0.09246541751477504,0.11300786652347197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726379685141613,0.2642387537755235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509711435664078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817651553719887,0.0,0.16962563334102562,0.05912025591695608,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mustardsandwishes,2019/01/14,"I hope to make it to my 17th birthday After quite a few years of just having little to no emotions, I've realized that I've lost my desire to be here. I feel happy when I'm around my family, yes, but it almost instantly disappears when I think to myself. I hope the next seven months are worth it. ",6.603817204301079,4.86441282258065,7.695806451612906,76.69704301075271,65.93548387096774,10.847311827956991,28.731182795698928,9.725611199111238,2.3432086021505376,233,5,48,4,3,80,45,62,0.08900000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.218,0.8129,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,11,10,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,8,3,8,8,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,6,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25311852662611845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250241214260715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843388380351095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382945996152976,0.0,0.1278110780777879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690846205754282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021269610288617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533478345692872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27593472891956355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687298602080028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176329276946572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688300120306901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688582591485192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196857483377633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627793766975427
suicidewatch,nil_ka,2019/01/14,"In Loving Memory of Maria Rice, Who Choose Suicide Last Night [Maria (Bug) Rice](https://imgur.com/gallery/rBvor9z)
I woke up to several messages about my friend, Maria passing away. She chose to take her own life, and I would like to share this photograph of her with everyone. She was one of the most kind and giving people I have ever met. I traveled the country for 3 years, and every time I passed through El Paso, Texas, she was there waiting for my dog and I! Maria (Bug) helped me in so many ways. She fed me when I was hungry, we talked to each other when we were down, she gave me somewhere to sleep when I had nowhere else to go. To lose one of the kindest people I have EVER met is extremely painful. 
She marks the 5th CLOSE friend of mine to take their own life.

I love you, Maria. I hope you’re in Paradise now. Looking down on Marley & I.",4.283722554890218,5.486941838323356,4.039895209580839,90.88563123752495,70.7365269461078,7.00379241516966,25.89271457085828,7.1686216300943375,0.9786331337325352,665,20,139,6,12,201,107,167,0.057,0.764,0.18,0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,2,1,1,1,9,10,0,0,4,0,9,7,1,0,2,16,23,8,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,9,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,2,0,2,10,1,30,8,26,12,4,24,0,1,1,2,25,9,0,2,11,90,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815976409907008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544873350955321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373601101353143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29747257703361585,0.13853931066192662,0.15711984781688976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540763172579981,0.0,0.0,0.15773617509821145,0.09344932041863407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021391829796563,0.0,0.0,0.16331602520469304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122847243611866,0.0,0.1340323418604705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322834494081235,0.08033215976367303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807973128671025,0.18395503588345175,0.0,0.0,0.296808869263915,0.0,0.0,0.16670614412999582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430635367059106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284395665173248,0.0,0.17496504226891554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279900242668784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575902157873556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645486826928733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985965903935006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472616926602859,0.13216255194078785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588041645357934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051682751894247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168063069347377,0.0,0.0,0.1058874860376679
suicidewatch,Shxlls,2019/01/14,I ruined my life for being a total idiot and suicide is a growing option for me I started college this year (out of state college) with the major I’ve wanted to do all throughout high school and at the beginning of the year I was so eager to start and excited to see where my career would take me in the future. After the first couple days I grew VERY depressed due to certain conditions at school. This led me to stop caring and made me start hating my life more and more each day I was there. It got so bad that I stopped going to class all together. Now that the semester is over I got placed on academic probation and got told I wasn’t allowed to stay on campus. I planned on telling my family but when I talked to them I panicked and made up an excuse why I could come home. I come from a poor family because my mom is terminally ill and only my dad works. Because of our low income and losing my financial aid due to academic probation my family will never be able to afford to pay for even a community college by ourselves. I’m out of options and feel like I have nothing to live for anymore.,7.1190171990172,5.775818927927929,7.854782964782967,74.69369778869782,64.67567567567568,10.775429975429976,34.5962325962326,9.800150414767053,3.2017873873873883,870,32,168,15,11,293,134,222,0.161,0.78,0.059,-0.9741,3,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,4,7,12,2,0,11,0,13,3,0,4,5,34,33,14,1,3,1,2,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,5,16,0,2,1,0,2,6,2,7,0,1,9,2,28,5,34,19,7,40,0,4,1,0,8,14,0,2,19,117,33,12,0.1233331942172185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223133880455858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029780655404134,0.1503655409149894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574641123096414,0.0,0.0,0.21248125230158296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984715198690975,0.13646583356650696,0.0,0.15907941433903774,0.0,0.10622669945739048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814604115974154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488026774043988,0.0,0.062360968744076074,0.08810925859191833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490715199637457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009309648822136,0.0,0.29592246635165625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176599553943805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303082911527324,0.12371324977386247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422776494299586,0.0602543688942607,0.0,0.1089054700626685,0.0,0.0,0.13797829691976987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340170088042497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444463464572924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512216263056616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834152616606353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380045180877612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885693782471264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24963955398562776,0.0982805877886386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618876089782424,0.13145677503190142,0.0,0.2062241457209221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349064966861963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273121304594543,0.09913054973343606,0.1077986478764328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785015240247675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176280172620747,0.07274511340219232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128902452983383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978803428138879,0.0,0.0,0.08761236256969926,0.0,0.0,0.15884506687655872
suicidewatch,itrysohardnottodoit,2019/01/14,"So college happened Hi i am 20 year old male who just started college and it has been awful so far.Depression started as soon as I began thinking about future and what will happen if I fail at college.                                    This feeling I have wont go away  and is keeping me from functioning well .I cant sleep,eat,or study because of this.On top of that I have social anxiety.I have met some decent people in college but nothing is helping me get better.                             I don't want to drop out but staying will just make me feel worse.I just wish this constant feeling of depression would go away but its always there.Walls are closing in around me and I'm afraid I can't break them.And on top of that I'm gay in a homophobic country just lovely.",1.6691836734693908,3.8995100680272152,3.1626122448979617,89.84310204081635,80.97278911564626,5.280544217687075,25.44625850340136,6.42735559955562,0.9151246258503404,568,23,114,5,15,186,97,147,0.08800000000000001,0.755,0.156,0.8404,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,10,6,0,1,1,1,16,2,0,1,0,25,36,12,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,3,3,12,3,18,29,1,25,0,2,0,2,7,12,0,2,8,72,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463248812150463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654762763069918,0.0,0.0,0.3304418438701459,0.0,0.0,0.10719916094292248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552885494298568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900360459817644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029261353971051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994287092162425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667516833021825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187662381638068,0.0,0.19988412466594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31101478792194104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787144350704334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630739918441128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871538915460529,0.0,0.1173841237935924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873696237197233,0.0,0.18452952642863546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191524301354435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598131938068864,0.17926133286775087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24894118491051295,0.18743730641915404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268034724572112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372343386602864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811415248009886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022237887430996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492186306181295,0.0,0.0,0.11324441614396533
suicidewatch,sanfordclark,2019/01/14,"The idea seems so comforting I’m a disappointment to my mother, my family, my partner (my dad is dead, has been for 1.5 years now which contributes to this), my job (have been signed off frequently for mental illness and stress). I have BPD and PTSD and everything is awful. I have no friends. I hate my job. There are a few good things - bf, sex, alcohol, marijuana - but I hate my job, I hate myself, I’m a useless fucking idiot and there’s no end to this. I’m 30 and I have nothing to show for myself. I should just bow out. I’m going to have to live the next 40 years doing a job I hate, just to be able to live. It’s going to destroy me.",0.8766819747416754,2.741976955223884,3.1359701492537333,90.93836394948336,81.68656716417911,6.5111366245694615,20.755453501722158,7.61054688173877,0.6500133180252581,488,14,111,8,13,167,75,134,0.293,0.665,0.042,-0.9904,4,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,6,13,7,1,6,1,14,4,0,0,0,13,26,7,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,10,0,0,2,0,18,3,14,22,1,10,0,2,0,2,5,2,1,1,6,72,23,4,0.13598664996340162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532837262980527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712704251905465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044380889144887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221603251729753,0.0,0.12819611108357842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050629484322538,0.1257174666314805,0.0,0.0,0.15456869397555864,0.1140591501463936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370346537430375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535123754567575,0.0,0.0,0.5397830680174507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24015740661720802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704255876169213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462334497098558,0.0,0.0,0.13048285822011488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896111667711205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379713882529166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155772248082146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034348773370443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514188815795734
suicidewatch,Hajaro,2019/01/14,"Consider this post as a last note I've just said to all the people i know to go fuck themselfves and ended"" friendship"" with them. Just to make it easier on myself. This time next week i'm gonna let ya all know if after life exist. ",4.134829931972789,4.107179489795918,5.228979591836733,86.66482993197279,70.42857142857143,8.165986394557821,22.455782312925173,7.793537801064563,0.7704231292517001,181,3,40,2,3,60,41,49,0.07,0.8170000000000001,0.114,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,10,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,7,6,2,9,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,6,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767550541952337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28887283299252303,0.0,0.0,0.1775835041743241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434499112482918,0.25470418440332626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31952102992035425,0.22070630756223555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857568426243248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33231464567360386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166268692202719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29925921512079234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972298592614045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220336177131735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25064402478089026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itistoomuch,2019/01/14,"Bye.. Shits gone crazy, I want out...",-2.8585714285714268,-3.2548447142857126,-2.424999999999999,118.6825,139.0,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-3.5598,25,0,7,0,2,7,7,7,0.561,0.306,0.133,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8670534841150173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982150697078618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biaznick,2019/01/14,Tips for talking to friend about suicide attempt About a month ago I was really depressed and tried to talk to a friend. He ignored the texts and later that night I attempted suicide. I tried to talk about what happened but he just wants to pretend it never happened and wants to ignore it. I was wondering what I can say to him to get him to talk about what happened ,3.7370833333333344,5.661316319444449,4.003888888888889,87.73,73.30555555555556,6.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.5559833333333335,293,12,56,3,6,91,40,72,0.189,0.755,0.056,-0.8441,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,10,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,7,2,14,8,0,5,0,1,0,0,11,0,0,1,5,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221277843520611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789573214272336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653293165625686,0.0,0.08971269863072398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555344131000543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705928622277067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243527246076006,0.0,0.0,0.16114055730391416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000343003238353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655267896496304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756512289307839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520640406009403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23316304382366226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256097311463928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862148909353137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZestycloseAbroad,2019/01/14,"Life is too shitty and unbearable. Honestly, why should I live? Convince me otherwise. I haven't been happy for half of my life: had no friends for half my life: no girlfriend or romantic interest ever: social anxiety that stops me from leaving my house most days: aspergers that makes me completely unrelatable: depression as a result of the aforementioned of which several medications have never worked even in tandem: 22 years old stuck in university having to watch hundreds if not thousands of people happy everyday: want to be normal but never will be and having nobody who genuinely cares about me in my life makes me feel like the biggest piece of refuse walking around which causes me to act like the biggest piece of refuse walking around. I tell psychologists: psychiatrists: hospital doctors: general practitioners: parents: siblings (I have nothing else) I want to die and I can't bear my life as it is all the time and I'm just ignored and told ""make your life better"" as if I wouldn't have already done so if I actually could. I don't take drink or drugs: I have high moral standards even though that doesn't mean shit in this god-forsaken world anymore and all this comes back to leave me painfully self-aware of how terrible my life is and the world around me is too. I hate my fellow men who are morally bankrupt assholes who have never tried to be my friend and have betrayed me constantly: I hate women with a passion for never giving me a chance to even be a friend or treating me like every other morally bankrupt guy because they're just as bad now too: I hate myself for being a fat fuck with no interest in anything normal and I hate everything around me. My life has been in a state of purgatory for years and I'm done with it. It won't change not least for another year and seeing how I can't help myself and those around me are content to watch me suffer, I really want to try ending it all again. At the same time, I have some false feeling of hope like everything could be better someday when really I'm a broken person and as I won't be able to even get close to fulfilling my motivations in life, I might as well end it. I see people even on this site saying ""they're depressed or they're anxious or they're fucked up"" but I really believe it all pales in comparison to me even if that sounds pretentious so if anybody reads this, please don't write some sanctimonious gobbledygook about how ""it all goes uphill maaaaan"" or "" just keep trying"" when I've been telling myself that for years and only found deeper depths. I need help and nobody will help me even when I ask for it.",10.734498997995992,7.593231242484967,9.84230360721443,68.93680210420843,59.22044088176352,13.10625250501002,39.77965931863728,11.10651602901591,4.215978677354709,2086,74,384,39,20,664,242,499,0.217,0.664,0.119,-0.9963,1,0,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,1,0,4,34,34,7,0,13,0,44,19,2,9,10,91,76,43,1,16,18,1,2,4,5,7,14,2,0,4,24,25,2,5,6,2,0,4,18,14,1,3,9,8,53,20,57,51,12,53,3,3,4,3,27,24,3,16,28,270,77,4,0.06416047824146552,0.0,0.06261137150341561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080268319081792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672778556913301,0.049082590239769526,0.07248307785880283,0.06362995398073558,0.0,0.0,0.05279860676568477,0.285582142231088,0.059981386127856785,0.0,0.0,0.04933544737771864,0.05357131934665718,0.039111632019968735,0.0,0.0,0.07228688779819326,0.0,0.11348945811723285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541588363889378,0.06591048497112062,0.06787327860365562,0.05526857084802469,0.06727104073199495,0.06933468355154457,0.0,0.10245384218035958,0.0,0.0,0.04137820060181322,0.0,0.11052265178820904,0.0,0.06658844678150094,0.0,0.0,0.06567096819238788,0.0,0.1313168905665351,0.0,0.06285284252746122,0.07440578515639988,0.0,0.05359784667799654,0.0,0.11365427976612145,0.0,0.0,0.2966417353662429,0.058036825826107134,0.05405797013717052,0.0,0.1153266015038196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488293121110797,0.0458362584755727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034865272986791,0.14871067899722562,0.11863065653212455,0.033521201755083545,0.061548577095338314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352896075507038,0.0,0.13660004429457026,0.0,0.2533807563144357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901624836125314,0.06778906791680432,0.0,0.06372583183253086,0.0,0.07403257753994655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057028781056916264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587336483198462,0.0,0.0,0.4078659890944129,0.12538227519136866,0.0,0.056654877761666736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284828523213704,0.0,0.0,0.06988957009367743,0.0,0.06463493180361991,0.0,0.06806412821789339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757418164157885,0.1979380647513477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257272922344725,0.061563709290353465,0.0,0.06732562896027391,0.0,0.0,0.04879693488451308,0.06827127249898418,0.0,0.07124261820646458,0.0,0.0,0.08896159411004465,0.056022454815434886,0.0,0.07042893807911993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417784097807985,0.0,0.12330853585326995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051022987510644886,0.0,0.0,0.10225518854665402,0.0,0.06693337168621122,0.07248307785880283,0.06585980890401727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540352764762468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364103272590341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824069476754421,0.0,0.1121581719411865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630373441116988,0.0,0.07482498165499367,0.0,0.0,0.06130808649661059,0.0,0.1306822593646567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353053722246075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057687975302750175,0.0,0.05789485208892337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467095923073947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526897761437756
suicidewatch,luv_tuta,2019/01/14,"I dont want to die... I hate to feel shitty like this. Its like everytime i try my best to feel good i get pushed down again. Every time... by everyone...

My body gave up on me and my mind pushes me to kill myself. When i drive my car my mind only thinks about crashing and die or get hurt. When i take the train i just need to hold myself or otherwise my body just tries to jump in front of every train passing by. But i really dont want to die...

I really need help but in my current situation i cant go to any doctor or professional to get help and i dont know if i can do this any longer.

Anyone wants to chat?",0.6497869674185495,2.175459586466168,3.0167105263157907,93.1748903508772,80.95488721804512,6.5385964912280725,17.098370927318292,7.492282038375204,-0.026152380952380483,467,8,114,7,12,161,74,133,0.109,0.7859999999999999,0.106,0.1617,1,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,2,0,1,0,6,3,2,0,0,23,22,11,4,6,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,1,0,8,4,3,0,0,1,2,23,4,19,21,1,18,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,4,7,67,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246804312500916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866734174215893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330775323389339,0.0,0.0,0.281710963961969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948211181823959,0.0,0.0,0.12979371220815794,0.0,0.0,0.4458553001053221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368299605347985,0.12117080581882295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823621659064272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875637590989095,0.0,0.07206810352530182,0.10636082157824328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519698532468618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999391837724062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575095370376605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029464311377732,0.0,0.06969054889045362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239043019323028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25608055451086503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880535588400678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644345891910963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247334305027855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425378903935179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953440923093623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125366578404401,0.0,0.0,0.07394296446534403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218908171616484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224384538262338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newbluehumor,2019/01/14,"I’m losing interest in everything I love. I’m losing the love that I have for the world, I can actually feel myself growing numb with each day. Even the repercussions I’d have with suicide aren’t enough to deter me anymore, even with how selfish it sounds, I don’t really.. care that people who love me will be hurt anymore. And it’s terrible to say. But I feel so. So fucking miserable..
I know I think differently from most people and it’s a curse, I think I might have some fucking.. disorder because no one seems to function the way I do. And I’m not saying this to seem smart or edgy but I’m just.. not right. 
I’ve been in therapy for years and years, a majority of my life.. and they all say the same thing. “It gets better. Everyone gets sad. I’m here for you.” But in reality they’re paid to say that, they say that to everyone, everyone says the same fucking thing but they don’t really mean it and even if they _do_ it makes no difference because I genuinely don’t want to live 
I have horrible crying spells and can’t make it through a single day without breaking down. I can’t do school and I don’t want to. All I want to do is die and rot. ",0.8786877828054287,3.1028817815126075,3.0026890756302542,89.83880413703945,84.12605042016807,6.854815772462832,22.179056237879767,8.012643519586192,1.1966995475113116,896,31,196,19,26,303,120,238,0.16699999999999998,0.736,0.097,-0.9568,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,4,3,8,18,3,1,9,0,21,8,0,3,2,44,49,18,2,4,10,0,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,15,13,0,0,8,0,1,1,12,11,0,1,2,9,24,7,23,44,10,13,0,5,0,6,15,6,3,7,4,129,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.09526754936611727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363478666787573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902212792283325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634104551700775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953480932064432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723606408545908,0.1259196108904689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131894556284632,0.20399390504222428,0.11188627556994347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087233209551603,0.0,0.19344042798893107,0.0,0.0,0.27985353219132475,0.08773871613235869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987238851944877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707571721270922,0.1020096722474698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450917786567587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053651939605835273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689551582116757,0.0,0.0,0.08620433052958255,0.0,0.0,0.21843396308259372,0.0,0.0,0.26433010088586273,0.0,0.13033038762038054,0.0,0.0,0.10634183390652777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356429733704456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615297097830433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536124277528125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508166641927226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833708944894791,0.0,0.4658101106645117,0.0,0.09880133023920268,0.0,0.1777475802097105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678549226437216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116422642824228,0.0,0.1297149230163865,0.12510783280673562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274459574508072,0.07748988155451356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410665267045018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573411271390636
suicidewatch,M1nit,2019/01/14,"Asking for some help. Hey, everyone! I'm 11 years old and I'm suffering from ADHD (the worst level of it from what I got from my few months of research) and depression (for 10 months, 2 first of them being suicidal, but kept forcing myself not to do it and thinking/worrying about what my family will do). I am always like a guy with a tapped-off mouth that can't say anything about my mental problems irl, but for some reason I feel free to talk about this on this subreddit and my ""online-friends"". I wanted to ask, if anyone has a good method of holding of anxiety and any tips on how to inform someone and let them help me. Thanks.",4.865374015748031,5.2529598188976365,5.653218503937008,82.80691437007876,68.92125984251969,8.869685039370083,27.686023622047248,8.841846274778883,1.9552842519685043,495,15,100,8,8,162,88,127,0.111,0.735,0.154,0.8313,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,1,4,8,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,2,0,21,17,10,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,2,12,5,21,12,4,8,0,2,0,0,11,3,0,3,6,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21999410871828304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231474297392422,0.0,0.0,0.12448230318265327,0.0,0.14003502824404515,0.0,0.0,0.12799489942779824,0.0,0.15063700496572688,0.0,0.3422596509067548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766326297331631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749149664311103,0.0,0.0,0.1725660577309801,0.0,0.09255708653841628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570477081066214,0.0,0.0,0.14142627784338255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353615427598094,0.14640418987704112,0.0,0.0,0.1812512292075988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453931070732297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718407371021428,0.0,0.08943043939793709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447434876907712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922222835453055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920833091111194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515697949232162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820895030908305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557107647019468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510019546175194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023024882154333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713105096126353,0.0,0.16853058953755598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796939002095317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589918623831012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788011714050538
suicidewatch,w1th_t33th,2019/01/14,"5 days off my antidepressants and I'm feeling suicidal again So, long story short, I was dumped, forced to leave the state I was accustomed to so I can live in Michigan where I have no friends or family. I found a new job, but without health insurance, and ran out of my antidepressant of 5 years. It's crazy just how much you don't realize an antidepressant is helping, until you no longer have it. Now I have to apply for health insurance, somehow find a new psychiatrist, and convince them that I've already tried literally all of the SSRI's out there and found that only Wellbutrin works. I have to do all of these things while extremely depressed and borderline suicidal. I've even been eating healthier and exercising multiple times a week, and I don't drink/do drugs. I've considered drinking just to get me by until my health insurance kicks in/I get my meds, but that seems extremely self-destructive.

​

I know this is coming off as whiny, but I have literally nowhere else to go. I just wanted to express how frustrated I am that all of this is happening within a span of less than a week. Does anybody have any advice? I know the obvious ""be patient"" applies, but I've been hospitalized for a suicide attempt in the past, and have spent the past 5 years seeing a therapist and psychiatrist to keep my depression at bay. All of that was ripped away from me in an instant, and I feel so lost. Thanks for reading my rant, I hope I'm not judged too harshly for complaining...",4.693770806658129,6.461812640845071,5.441024327784891,79.0456530089629,70.47887323943662,9.38898847631242,30.866837387964143,9.800150414767053,3.1004070422535217,1186,51,222,30,22,385,158,284,0.16899999999999998,0.774,0.057,-0.9878,1,0,3,0,0,1,39.0,0,2,1,3,15,10,2,0,14,0,21,7,0,2,5,43,43,24,3,2,10,0,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,11,13,2,1,9,3,1,3,6,6,0,0,10,3,26,4,36,32,6,33,0,3,1,0,7,13,0,4,16,148,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775452085240006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168563403922365,0.0,0.0,0.11947744689338766,0.13399006129595398,0.07498734866000599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036022497442999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498779965666362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711149966176255,0.0,0.18995069610989965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649797806842583,0.0,0.0,0.2160451454504615,0.12787813589693112,0.11283368979295727,0.0921163953429794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283226329805481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395269694655654,0.0,0.11151160191865324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078473839549901,0.0,0.0,0.2418106214468805,0.08519429135856837,0.0,0.11522299736383634,0.0,0.06266895487879014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975113543583834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35163540747840233,0.0,0.0,0.07391162441725574,0.0,0.0,0.10952294322405154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942591240134812,0.09801299991262033,0.0,0.0,0.12120296359291947,0.0,0.0,0.11675995741618307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737038783209832,0.09758543750384872,0.0,0.0,0.12037267860334762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248505806174652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106110252408319,0.0,0.0,0.21299881350385128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386526743046854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105302929284018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102997925889184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878708750243637,0.10038562282724987,0.1150356088916684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618522897659514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152175654225956,0.0,0.12803191329746766,0.0732584562986774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429929576342656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486605908050671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504007467012883,0.0,0.17690380818493895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629629871039704,0.0,0.08027783834576603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399006129595398,0.1420204674575658
suicidewatch,TilDeath_DoWePart,2019/01/14,Life without love isn't worth living My wife doesn't love me anymore. I blame myself. We have a tall bridge in town that I'm going to jump off of. I won't be missed,-1.3086486486486493,0.7009359729729745,0.6905945945945966,103.29156756756758,94.67567567567568,2.9600000000000004,12.805405405405404,3.1291,-1.7647470270270271,129,2,32,0,5,42,32,37,0.244,0.6659999999999999,0.09,-0.7754,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,5,8,0,6,0,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810779077136908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838108633660092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27141081279411805,0.0,0.0,0.33930438305404675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6936106438636778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704083023377919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Finny-Boi,2019/01/14,"I hate it all so much So. I'm 16 right now, but that hardly even matter, does it? I have a feeling nobody i know in real life would even care if i did it to be completely fair. Only 1 damn girl, over discord who genuinely cares for me... But is making her happy worth me suffering, getting screamed at by everyone for doing everything poorly... My grades are so bad i actually have lost all faith in me trying to even finish 10th grade. My family dislikes me so much as well, i can't even look them in the eyes anymore. And you know what's the only keeping me here? That damn girl on discord. Why? And the problem is, because of me she actually got better...she was cutting herself regularly and almost went all the way with suicide, but because of me she got better and she says she's so happy she has me. I don't want to make her upset, i really don't... but i just don't want to live like this anymore, I've completely lost all faith in myself and everything i do seems like a waste of time. ",0.8485607196401759,3.1498257044335003,3.0817305632897853,88.688344399229,85.05911330049261,5.894966802313129,21.14135789248233,7.255503002510835,0.7806232169629469,770,25,159,12,23,262,118,203,0.244,0.575,0.18,-0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,1,3,13,21,4,1,6,0,16,2,1,2,4,30,36,16,1,5,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,8,6,0,1,4,0,2,1,4,11,1,0,7,6,31,10,19,27,6,13,2,3,2,0,14,8,2,3,5,109,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.22910964873365045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754822308228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328368801930715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980149920293734,0.1431186070250193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076422322324715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393720144157951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461604680104103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272798920629447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31013756382116997,0.0,0.0,0.11217031207345816,0.21100350084764052,0.0,0.1106639925897596,0.0,0.0593554542155957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061330957738388224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777356795065744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24992575161544556,0.1051575726785828,0.1158974294148391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434082245703212,0.0,0.0,0.12902795462631858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291539029484632,0.11470076575847432,0.0,0.10365672266351222,0.0,0.0985772756571152,0.0,0.2562881311260031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567162665866046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258898542391374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855939491853673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232551137490054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361449128509212,0.0752024609823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002496468009717,0.0,0.09335252099746426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686662440691178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840461828464778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845052604598446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969949073634054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847826083882994,0.09317800059671223,0.0,0.0,0.10554689539940504,0.1088208683019398,0.10592540066668467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338984592377663,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoCup,2019/01/14,"I talked to my ex I messaged her about meeting somewhere so we can give each other some of our stuff back, but honestly I messaged because I miss her. It's almost been a year since we broke up and there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about her. I would give anything to go back in time to do things differently, I was so selfish and unwilling to change. I wish I could tell her this, but it wouldn't do any good. It's not like we'll ever be together again, she's already found someone else, and I'm sure she's happier with him then she ever was with me. For once in my life I felt like my life was going somewhere and I had someone I loved very much that got to be there with me. I've tried so hard to move on, I've spent time with close friends, family, but nothing is working.  I don't have a job anymore because dealing with this and trying to work was just too overwhelming, so now I'm mooching off my parents while my 60 year old dad busts his ass to support me. I feel so useless. I keep telling myself I'm going to schedule an appointment with a therapist but I never do. I get too anxious and nervous so it never happens. I'm starting to doubt it would even be worth it. Everyday for me consists of trying to ignore the constant thoughts of suicide and making empty promises to myself. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. I just needed to let this all out I guess. ",3.3188807069219446,4.310478030927836,4.331124202258227,88.6916494845361,72.81443298969073,6.917427589592537,28.63377515954836,7.07126945348624,1.3826702994599906,1101,43,235,10,21,358,156,291,0.177,0.716,0.108,-0.9668,3,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,4,0,0,2,23,18,0,3,6,0,26,4,1,1,6,51,56,19,1,6,7,3,3,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,15,19,0,2,6,0,2,5,8,9,0,0,13,3,44,9,33,34,4,33,0,4,0,2,27,8,1,4,22,164,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726838513838023,0.0,0.1182130866126379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728474319256127,0.0,0.0,0.121018695545488,0.2124748080750233,0.0,0.0,0.08815324495255758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647422174161849,0.0,0.13060258552850404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332211437006925,0.0,0.0,0.11576209519982596,0.0,0.08552913797647609,0.0,0.0,0.06908558533628567,0.11043928892752683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192091712493904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948766637164075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415076926282387,0.19379808812087276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098619499981024,0.0,0.05416469561096538,0.0,0.10285504647294667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745503141209687,0.08276309872393385,0.0,0.05596743721920552,0.20552461989179024,0.24352227440823315,0.08984983616770427,0.08567618836585303,0.0,0.11800825365104516,0.0,0.09472866924264536,0.0,0.09596132302575866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630322110330534,0.09521599931919933,0.0,0.0,0.05887209507533089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954070352599224,0.15132853201567134,0.1046699439125849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966828471623531,0.0,0.07150555066193044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385498123311925,0.0787478588516586,0.07943047638130564,0.16523999188934332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278757485676217,0.0,0.11240775135713103,0.11408268449389745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118947607873201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861339675088857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815302358917741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582233412058469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263040556418794,0.11717536587568922,0.12156210871431028,0.10096232401519532,0.0,0.0,0.08610154973850191,0.1872607519444695,0.0,0.0,0.12437826186562598,0.07116787702936432,0.0,0.0,0.1700876692190496,0.12492876877747927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218188810773951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838783763349815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318636374066927,0.0,0.0,0.15597389342417287,0.0,0.0,0.15219445899951933,0.0,0.0,0.13796762413973168
suicidewatch,mksmash30,2019/01/14,"i keep thinking about dying what’s happened...
i want to sleep and never wake up
i feel like absolute garbage
am i just weak minded
i always disappoint
i am so lost during the most important time of my life, a levels. mocks in 2 months hope i get my shit together",1.3823270440251605,3.814393679245285,3.2172641509433966,87.72954402515724,83.90566037735849,6.552201257861638,22.040880503144656,7.793537801064563,1.2457069182389944,207,7,41,4,6,69,45,53,0.257,0.59,0.153,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,1,10,10,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,9,2,5,9,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334755421282509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912108452889433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187606226055016,0.20045542764127447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659806573099127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24812713195803146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27869178891627033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24940361789601606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819086942036251,0.13708338348294755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062999965950807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833185636743964,0.0,0.2239663565738211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641033068483853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880242977350137,0.0,0.0,0.2807952660249706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979242451412353,0.0,0.0,0.16361581632907124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550080035728496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TotallyTaylor,2019/01/14,"Here's my last words, I'll be dead in a good half hour  A lot of people are gonna wonder why I did it so I’m just gonna tell you to save any further confusion. There's a number of reasons if I’m being honest so I’ll just go through them one by one. Let’s start with just the fact that I’m an incredibly lonely man, I’ve never had a girlfriend (never will, ha) and I’m fairly unattractive, not to mention my repulsive personality, it’s no surprise that I did it, should’ve done it sooner. I’m also an incredibly fake person, I lie to everyone I know in some sense of the word be it about my general personality or just about little things like liking football, for this reason, I just feel like it’s a bit of a waste to keep me around. Another is my friends, while they’re all great and funny and cool I’ll never be as successful in life as them. The problem that made me actually do what I did today was to do with my friend actually. She called me lazy for not wanting to go to a get together of some kind. I am lazy, I’m depressed, that’s just what we do but I had a reason this time, my dog was sick and I didn’t want to leave him alone for too long. I’m sure after this my nan will be willing to look after them for a few days before my parents get back off holiday. Not much is gonna be lost when I do die, no one relied on me or needed me, I was fairly trivial as a person so I’m hoping that in death I have some proper meaning to people. Take me as a lesson of some sort, I dunno what lesson but I’m sure someone will come up with something. I love you, Mum, love you Lee, Nan, Grandad, Charlie, Adam even Pip (despite her being the reason). I just think the depression finally outweighed the love. Leave all my money to buying the dogs cool shit. ",1.6039906417112275,3.1275480187165807,3.76545120320856,88.88288268716579,78.1711229946524,6.3862299465240655,21.84792780748663,7.1686216300943375,0.5755403743315499,1365,38,303,16,32,469,194,374,0.151,0.6940000000000001,0.155,0.3134,1,3,1,0,0,1,40.0,1,3,3,4,20,29,1,1,20,3,31,6,1,5,8,63,66,19,3,6,15,2,1,3,3,7,2,0,0,5,18,10,0,1,11,1,2,3,9,8,0,4,12,4,40,21,42,39,10,29,0,4,1,3,26,10,1,13,19,199,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.1848687727397572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810276539023724,0.0,0.07574863960757802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441377483649105,0.09932360780134147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843220949852087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283488119077669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060090318297332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341119555740508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967211018998828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159406684772315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108744290180089,0.0,0.16316674196248124,0.0,0.09830582000963804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693284069696506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256256678955048,0.0,0.0,0.09051032134819936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047893967089114434,0.06766896050902795,0.0,0.1037626230014406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636297986228336,0.0,0.09897600516363107,0.0,0.1076646666653938,0.07944778509024203,0.0,0.10443063688044768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407968584474667,0.09328146219037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419269943848202,0.0,0.09863772323797038,0.0520563838160718,0.07721055297215497,0.0,0.20059249303570986,0.0,0.09685901102950567,0.06690449978763748,0.1388282199066007,0.0949356897183435,0.0,0.08382542536866483,0.07954208856539965,0.0,0.1033995567862596,0.08052871538276853,0.2564691842819953,0.08962764374609157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031793326059192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963110043613048,0.0702346903045973,0.2191648631295436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925569405199394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517686386951047,0.0,0.0,0.13133573286443007,0.33082816168730483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063555179810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895573471076647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723011772946392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025710331620242,0.0729211327488963,0.0,0.0,0.06704426811651751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854752691143536,0.0,0.07121867660495675,0.0,0.08279064609841158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292866454429925,0.060693624599883436,0.0,0.0,0.055232788376464934,0.0,0.08978477645414445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173822784815096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547129695957194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272127741148228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,czny127,2019/01/14,"Anyone want to talk please Just attempted, told people 2 people in close with all they said were... I hope your okay.

Anyone wanna talk.... I attempted like 20 mins ago",1.269677419354842,3.894821129032264,2.053806451612904,91.38070967741936,95.77419354838707,5.060645161290323,12.651612903225805,6.742157984588678,-0.2848116129032259,129,2,24,2,5,40,26,31,0.0,0.6779999999999999,0.322,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25757285772834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063467338305172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28860166809080906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195787143408384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028894361653517,0.0,0.0,0.31895870837612683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27639870077143663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670984724425378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776521784270403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138577078001566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Morinka,2019/01/14,"I cried today at work, again. I feel humiliated and it makes me even more depressed I’m an emotional person, always have been, if I’m happy you can see the smile on my face, if I’m tired or sad you can see it too. If I get really mad or stressed I might cry as well, it has always been hard for me to keep it in and I hate it because I feel childish and stupid when it happens. 

The reason exactly for why I cried doesn’t even really matter, sometimes I like my job and it makes me feel better but the other times it feels like a living hell and there’s no in between.

On my bad days almost all I think about is when I’m going to kill 
myself.  Because I’m depressed ,everyday feels way harder to go through and therefore smaller things make me go off the edge an cry. It has happened several times in a span of 5 months.

A lot of people did try to help me and have been very supportive but I can’t just change immediately and not care about what customers say to me or how my shift manager acts towards me. 

I don’t know why I wrote this post, just felt like I wanted to vent. I have to quit my job in a month and a bit but I today I really thought of just giving my two weeks notice, on one hand I don’t have to experience this anymore, but on the other this job does give me a routine, and makes me step out of my bed. 

Thank you for reading ",3.2729941111520056,3.6765605909090944,4.762344497607657,87.72930622009571,72.46153846153847,7.699374309900626,24.842841369157163,7.669130373188453,1.0022895104895104,1043,28,238,12,19,351,152,286,0.182,0.7,0.118,-0.9645,3,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,0,3,14,19,5,1,13,0,18,3,2,7,2,50,53,24,1,4,14,0,8,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,16,11,0,1,10,1,0,5,6,10,1,2,7,11,37,9,32,45,4,32,1,3,2,0,9,13,1,9,15,155,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101696011551187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512617611399399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014217519527143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589248383631128,0.11081597157164097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038813464738072,0.0992324327062901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267223492438684,0.0,0.09615353443160646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993700612327625,0.058618948695813786,0.0,0.15657330576657358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954173233048929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224323373594622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006892803846493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889115277303029,0.0,0.0,0.2297930528986856,0.06493451249472447,0.08727225314737938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748823238623768,0.17438713286598914,0.15497103672573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607540842370429,0.09675808604396413,0.08142294581203867,0.08973875941243528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092416404144992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705940624396003,0.0807905404860375,0.10056046631306767,0.0,0.04995282741019668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332182837202418,0.0,0.08026084567662943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727461506533508,0.0,0.0,0.2426891332143685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642390393977518,0.0,0.0,0.14510104665628146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034831357522209,0.0,0.0,0.06159195671635289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301428101257261,0.07936491574975879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705108625305671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667669046522367,0.09091834620612538,0.0,0.17468658935889067,0.09345391237316107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228235746584344,0.0,0.0,0.1448610999056932,0.0,0.0,0.1026840645683769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989624197417309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411848245805394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314514930130296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368275218035602,0.0,0.0,0.06038576805953694,0.05824104427325218,0.0,0.07215948382871487,0.10600175205799256,0.10446899354160262,0.17231329237634355,0.0,0.0,0.06171088919394398,0.0,0.08878998545993001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499686214355104,0.053611488175410414,0.0721472272534244,0.07290948287493054,0.0,0.08172439631145058,0.0,0.16403494182894038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617173185992929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elwe98,2019/01/14,"It's weird to think. I never really speak or project my feelings unless it's  anger or upset from holding my emotions in. You could never guess the things I've been through in my life all the small things I've experienced every thought that's popped into my head. It hurts I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo everyday and for those of you that won't reply to this and are alone in your fight it's okay, the weather outside might look grim everyday even when it's sunny, everything you do may be mundane and bore you too death and maybe there's no one really left to speak too but it's honestly okay, for those of you that have never told a soul about the unreal pain you've been through it's okay, I don't know if there's light at the end of the tunnel and I think I'll give up before then but don't worry we all end up in the same place it's okay to end it sooner if it's too much, god I know it's hard, whenever you find yourself looking up at the sky wishing for a way out please think about me because I'll be thinking about you, I'm sorry that it hasn't got better yet please don't forget me.",2.8304616530156395,3.6611648185653998,3.9871432117150682,91.30749069247952,73.81012658227849,7.095457930007446,22.801935964259123,7.285733465282438,0.5805216679076692,870,21,200,9,17,284,125,237,0.129,0.74,0.131,0.5266,0,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,1,8,0,1,11,15,2,1,11,4,15,3,1,0,5,38,34,14,1,4,7,0,3,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,21,8,0,1,10,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,6,9,20,7,29,22,4,28,2,2,2,0,14,16,0,7,12,125,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455646236672034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919715749404634,0.0,0.11055113841819086,0.0,0.0,0.11490242191677852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372941061223698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461409103768311,0.3452078868729262,0.0,0.0,0.0858099935337941,0.0,0.10946200282760203,0.0,0.11676243806302848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313814703303092,0.092813855979581,0.0,0.0,0.11874322392853437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462973550337307,0.0,0.0,0.10390775276067024,0.0,0.1431199575747977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638152464216556,0.0,0.13333393951815184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390805216382525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279970237397355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115691193590085,0.0,0.09176533171138697,0.06347165333207576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819776443703884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305206708879734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782307727315785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095505101289631,0.0,0.3006036429298513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803618877767967,0.0,0.13824252380111562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573725917527682,0.28522316319312496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645833187333692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543320818575453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262425679563193,0.3329863080571951,0.0,0.10314083654949084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414276600505215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031233176682348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939994963820089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319386193679508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,echosata_,2019/01/14,"Does anyone have future suicidal thoughts? Like, if things don't work out by this date then---- About 3 years ago, I almost punched my ticket.

I know this might sound dumb, but my dog stopped me. I couldn't leave him behind. But I had the gun, the bullets, and the barrel in my mouth just about...

Anyways.

It forced me to get into therapy. And therapy has been helping, don't get me wrong. But After almost 3 years of therapy, my anxiety and my depression is STILL here, and just as strong as ever. My life is still an absolute mess. And as I'm in my mid-thirties, it honestly feels like whatever ""success"" boat my friends and family took to have their happy lives have left me far behind.

I keep telling myself, ""If things are still the same mess when I'm 40. I'm out. Done. Figuring out a way to end it all.""

And I think I mean it. It's not even scary to think about. It just feels like a fact. Anyone else have this?",1.2202972972972963,3.5029198270270285,2.4326351351351363,94.09706081081085,83.16216216216216,6.078378378378378,20.60135135135135,7.365786028017652,0.5546810810810805,708,21,155,11,20,226,109,185,0.132,0.6920000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.878,0,0,0,1,0,0,40.0,0,0,1,3,14,13,1,0,7,0,15,2,1,0,3,38,29,17,1,3,9,0,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,11,11,0,2,8,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,3,22,8,21,22,2,24,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,5,17,103,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149268507004884,0.0,0.2596513774645696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918185054447276,0.0,0.0,0.1813085075168332,0.13284168660828072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166730482120163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345753769032847,0.13267690387275013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830588998571933,0.0,0.1148313662180116,0.0,0.0,0.08563256374502999,0.11727579488045342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222242649956935,0.0,0.1311098121519521,0.18524388853294646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016722335841663,0.0,0.13547348688415212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801477378647858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869016230280792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523882525127074,0.0,0.0,0.07125221732766354,0.0,0.0,0.13728056830241772,0.14086504102394798,0.0,0.09157558803759204,0.19002123795129613,0.0,0.11448327383138104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122679471043986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753809974920822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106158327877481,0.10839315661382884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181599319915444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331976361140265,0.0,0.4447980223666582,0.0,0.17226732068414338,0.16614889523153414,0.0,0.10292757168268107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404585568537395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029100890253108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438670169186716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417518584765209,0.0,0.16698062344828668
suicidewatch,jonnyboy4071,2019/01/14,I made it to see 16 but i don’t know if i’ll make it to 17 My birthday was horrible my mom treated me like shit the whole day.  I don’t want to do anything after that and i just feel unwanted in my household.  My father isn’t around but he texted me on my birthday and swore that he would come get me here we are weeks later and he hasn’t texted or called me since. My mom gets mad at me and has a tendency to throw shit and try to hit me if i even speak on going or living with my dad. My grades have went to dog shit i can’t focus while doing anything even playing xbox i just can’t seem to get my mind straight. If i were to do it it’d be before i’m forced to move in with my grandfather because i’m failing in school. I know it’s jumbled up but that’s how it is in my mind. ,0.8829293739967916,1.7909276460674164,2.8921669341894085,96.9726966292135,78.71910112359551,5.984590690208668,21.141252006420547,6.18269132825596,-0.08720513643659711,603,15,156,4,14,204,97,178,0.184,0.767,0.049,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,7,8,4,0,2,0,18,3,3,3,0,32,35,15,0,6,10,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,0,4,2,0,5,6,5,0,0,4,3,27,3,21,27,1,20,0,1,1,0,10,10,3,6,6,97,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25228719302214697,0.13645950424502326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344341130650917,0.0,0.13043745286426994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652497269672427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204470208346578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885857526948494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20249157352875946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750740783248387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402611664087178,0.0,0.08711754042900903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848699808931167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488915001853674,0.0,0.13535679213029309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450455403697765,0.1023214441607346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095559196011173,0.35905990911474245,0.0,0.16292170323594826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513641875328835,0.12215130318150905,0.13954833891930746,0.0,0.0,0.4720461582000049,0.12680205443640286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407301256772668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041368801410116,0.0,0.12295900491243845,0.0,0.0,0.14210022535632982,0.0,0.17114143724492706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889194400948418,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ac13456543,2019/01/14,Can not wait for this fucking stupid shit to be over The day I die will be the greatest day of my life. I fucking hate this planet ,2.727857142857143,3.5052760714285762,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,74.0,5.6000000000000005,24.714285714285715,3.1291,0.05258571428571468,102,3,24,0,2,32,22,28,0.38,0.516,0.103,-0.9055,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376271637231495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521288103142065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273351304997757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349780201747521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396501235896116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34827567360131545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,therearefiveducks,2019/01/14,"I feel like I've failed at life In 2017 my father passed away from cancer, and ever since I've just been a nervous wreck. I stopped going to  school, and failed a semester of classes. I was a bit better second semester, and managed to pass 5 out of 6 of my classes. Before that, I had been a straight A student, and I felt like I had a bright future. I just stopped caring after my dad died. I looked up to him, and didn't want to disappoint him.

My life had been structured around my dad more than i had thought, and now that he's gone, I don't see a reason to put in all that effort. And now that I'm nearing the end of my schooling, I just feel so much regret about what's happened, and have no idea what I want to do when I graduate. After I'd given up being a good student, I thought I'd just go work at my family's small engine shop, because I loved the work. My dad would bring me there sometimes, and it'd be just me and him. I don't think I'll be able to get work at the repair shop though, my family's financial state is deteriorating and the shop is losing money. My mom was talking with my cousin who was visiting from out of state, and told him that if he wanted to work at the shop, he wouldn't get paid, and she couldn't even pay herself. So the shop won't be a stable source of income for me. 

I've also communicated very poorly with my mom, I haven't brought any of this up to her, because I'm scared of how she'd react. She always wanted me to go to college, but I just can't see that happening, not with all the stress that school has brought me already, I doubt there's even a college would take me.

I plan on ending my life sometime before the semester ends. I don't see a reason to keep going. School just makes me extremely anxious, and I'm already a failure. I can't drop out for fear that I'll get kicked out of the house, nor do I have the initiative to seek out who I'd talk to. I'd like to get help for my anxiety, but I just cant talk to people in person, and I don't know if my family can afford treatment with how things are going.

Sorry about how unstructured and messy this is. ",5.141733333333335,4.089197051111114,6.118500000000001,84.59175000000002,68.48888888888888,9.011111111111113,28.527777777777786,7.9370924344782425,1.5487111111111107,1643,44,373,17,24,549,194,450,0.123,0.813,0.064,-0.9682,2,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,10,26,18,0,5,22,0,40,5,0,7,3,70,81,29,1,11,13,7,3,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,16,26,0,3,10,5,9,13,15,10,0,1,20,8,56,8,58,50,5,49,0,5,5,1,29,21,0,3,15,241,72,19,0.08297578312797517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831316800105525,0.066355703789117,0.06904249861387289,0.0,0.0,0.05642637788786741,0.0,0.06347624697819522,0.093739016816948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386603887149595,0.0,0.0,0.07795847964448639,0.0,0.0,0.10116253448287783,0.0,0.14121255997341026,0.0,0.0,0.07338533722120083,0.09058806463633368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845993409450267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611576270015554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047574600243114,0.0,0.0,0.10960944438555824,0.07505634629248886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346665510324055,0.09337082465984432,0.08391009818565927,0.05927791604597087,0.07966976414327236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340568794085598,0.0,0.23578524864650424,0.06959615012837965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467504219766729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055616918376239964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574291318778824,0.0,0.09366955930444908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375268855108483,0.0,0.0,0.04560132040293798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758247485261786,0.1216133291028926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696787598425113,0.09282867693686812,0.0,0.0,0.07488888386386286,0.0,0.05538697955543885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943604687017076,0.0,0.0,0.0609967479150331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752496039550568,0.0724512533021938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341358010869636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706258493054469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830732341535056,0.33590368956460576,0.1983628687264186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863842525154472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413034239769647,0.09288459588434693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874294020921607,0.09504847922718818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238746244861475,0.2000783742343924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512542332084983,0.0531675314131295,0.08152328563217373,0.1317470066373924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928691662784754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684637110075763,0.19576506686916165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416294334158935,0.0,0.0,0.11788723128518427,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mighty_confused,2019/01/14,"My girlfriend plans to commit suicide in a year's time and I'm struggling to talk her out of it hey r/SuicideWatch. been a while. my girlfriend plans to commit suicide on the 14th of February, 2020. Due to certain circumstances, on that day itself, there isn't much I can do besides calling an ambulance or police on her address or getting others to try to intervene. However, it's not like its a fixed date either, and my anxiety's been acting up.

She seems to be fixated on death, and regardless of how much I try to talk her out of it she simply seems to rebut everything or ""future guilt trip"" me. I've been trying my best for several months now to convince her otherwise, but having been in a similar position in the past, the mentality she possesses is understandable and the regular advice simply won't work.

I understand it requires a lot of courage to commit suicide, but how do I convince her to use that courage to keep living on? I don't want her to keep living just because of our selfish needs and not wanting to feel pain when she's gone, but because she has so many opportunities and things to live for.

Please help, thanks.",7.988045454545458,6.960854077272727,8.24727272727273,71.55590909090913,62.77272727272727,11.636363636363635,38.18181818181819,10.832165505486646,4.133772727272728,907,40,165,20,11,299,125,220,0.12,0.728,0.152,0.7769,1,0,0,0,0,7,24.0,1,0,0,6,7,13,0,2,10,0,14,1,0,3,4,38,29,17,4,4,10,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,10,8,0,3,5,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,5,1,22,9,35,22,5,25,0,0,0,0,19,11,0,6,12,118,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680807739319147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927239158033586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821109808040856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618382103950946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325079396241481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368981573642759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662737732655458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561474977791792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779857889769188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698095370122104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306880487266645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339823478766665,0.0,0.34376334964908645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032436506973904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156468464426144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077592097611493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357981615161743,0.0,0.19078925842065805,0.09622154751747712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808261675064354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387852253477592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244662079615728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362723666337587,0.0,0.14660123789303986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566199915039254,0.0,0.4258363621550295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860568227541326,0.0,0.11947321243567895,0.0,0.0,0.086212289958148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566893721948832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26431246519136703,0.0,0.0,0.2701867462245196,0.0,0.1120781430250952,0.0,0.0,0.15308140683444835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447286533668693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356652828258157
suicidewatch,saturn1716,2019/01/14,"really wishing I was brave enough I’m 18 and I was finally diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in October. Been on meds ever since then and I was finally starting to feel better. After the new year that kinda changed, and for the last week or so i’ve been totally numb. I’m stuck in a constant loop of school, coming home and sleeping, and then school again. I already feel dead inside. No one cares about me. I wish I was brave enough to just end my life when I had the strongest desire to do it. ",2.2268316831683173,4.4980846039604,3.653950495049507,86.8547871287129,79.1980198019802,7.208316831683168,23.961386138613854,8.238735603445708,1.5864922772277223,399,14,79,8,10,131,71,101,0.165,0.635,0.201,0.6444,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,8,4,1,0,2,18,18,11,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,8,2,9,4,11,10,3,19,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,15,53,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617558606587627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213031641495847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119572094617422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277182048368846,0.0,0.16888646160463958,0.13752265339905784,0.0,0.17252281917713475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750462605962124,0.16203940373800074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140078062245115,0.3299182114013829,0.0,0.0,0.144410795502784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144569551103244,0.0,0.0,0.3497732565637501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601400046849707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301344635138206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276413458228494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773329864179812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541890753853555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818164609986212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022746247828276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231446867484894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035684731350946,0.0,0.13206251146314976,0.0,0.15976333955602048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299970699816425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806003079303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671747426484414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280810584272153
suicidewatch,thoushaltnotpiss,2019/01/14,I lost my lifeline. Now I have nothing to hold onto My girlfriend left me. Guess she got tired of me. Weird. Awkward. Useless. LDR. Depressed. I got nothing to live for. She helped me live this long. But now that's gone. I have nothing to live for again. Families and friends couldn't care less. They hate me. I'm done. I want to fucking die,-1.1576470588235281,-0.1077969117647033,-0.05014705882352821,102.99183823529414,121.05882352941177,2.288235294117648,20.426470588235293,4.557286568694721,-0.5227823529411766,262,11,57,1,16,80,47,68,0.318,0.626,0.056,-0.9609,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,14,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,5,0,14,2,8,8,1,7,0,3,0,1,6,2,1,1,4,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145852019585304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329057505603932,0.0,0.18471111820199212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182131367134485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778005050683628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375039121340297,0.1645360590327864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846875300387949,0.0,0.1960607661060317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757145762210064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192936445328104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933715797871909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714685352532603,0.15750326941055673,0.0,0.0,0.19428196370985867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123186738833514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455737352052167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497492930590192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NYSadPerson,2019/01/14,"I'm so scared I think it's going to happen soon, I think I will slit my wrists, it's what I am most comfortable with.

I'm scared of the actual process and keeping myself calm while I bleed out, I want someone to hold me, I am so painfully alone. 

I feel small today",1.292105263157893,2.8538083859649133,2.9331929824561414,94.33768421052632,79.17543859649123,5.963508771929827,20.171929824561406,6.742157984588678,0.09406245614035047,206,5,48,2,5,68,40,57,0.224,0.653,0.124,-0.7806,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,10,12,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,2,5,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.27144964129962623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880958214957019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064895865412227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808800325680875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24598104971112536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472464951643861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959879649003905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5569848744482828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568893311796216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564747552038987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636686012618645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406936346969944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ActivelySuicidal,2019/01/14,"My Mind Won't Shut Up I've been trying to stay positive, but my mind keeps randomly thinking of stuff that's happened awhile ago, which is finally starting to get to me. I just wanna have a nice ride where nothing's on my mind, but, nah. That's as rare as a kid who actually looks cool in a Fedora- well, nothing's that rare. Sorry, mini diatribe. Anyways!  
  
Yesterday was the perfect chance for me to do it. Nobody else was around, & I could have went **bang** in the woods with a hunting shotgun, but, nah. The one time that I actually have the perfect chance to finally do it, my mind shuts up. The next day? Hey, let's all think about triggering stuff that has ruined about half a year for me. Eh, at least it's cold enough for me to say, ""Nah, I'm just cold,"" if I end up crying, & if someone asks if I was.  
  
I'm probably just rambling, & will most likely dislike this in a few hours, or something, just like nearly all of my other posts here, because I'm an insecure loser, but, hey. It's okay to be different, right? Nah, I'm not attractive enough to be different. Sorry, I'm just ranting, at this point.  
  
If things aren't better by the weekend, I'll be happy to finally have a reason to ""justify"" me doing something that will leave my brother's dog wondering where I went. ",2.036511627906976,4.031899957364342,3.741259689922483,87.38654069767445,78.49612403100775,7.090697674418602,25.09108527131783,8.07648339933343,1.5341829457364349,991,37,205,18,24,331,142,258,0.129,0.738,0.133,0.6207,2,0,2,1,0,0,58.0,0,0,0,4,13,14,0,1,14,2,22,0,0,2,4,35,38,11,0,6,15,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,18,2,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,3,1,2,6,5,17,11,33,24,7,35,0,2,1,0,7,17,0,8,15,133,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.1955492648713316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881570091122673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32567961068785223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919366663390023,0.09366761725245083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061077171013620826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861321662735014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999654471919608,0.0,0.11005811338243923,0.06461667038344347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093622562701645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369900918075879,0.0,0.08874191031150498,0.2070538238716418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32927201844331594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052347091298364096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886009891429451,0.10665809421590984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867064668151446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905679547029031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609069874407467,0.0,0.1024548825757998,0.0,0.09789919607586614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841375031314263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046684421170971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655717405891696,0.0,0.0,0.1922771823297984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789386800613348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094715465241741,0.0,0.09595790221560513,0.0,0.1080257927510984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301584702918776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556490241199241,0.0,0.0796780797135345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489382669445697,0.15426806476078075,0.0,0.2243173671501683,0.07091764146926675,0.1067931905231106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293957113269832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665642656063673,0.12840019974159067,0.0,0.0,0.058423772732109365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802496931165618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008620072915136,0.18576119265795768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865583184638967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645214804885025
suicidewatch,cereal-at-night,2019/01/14,Bye Bye. Thanks ,-2.09,-21.868680000000005,-3.399999999999997,121.22000000000004,349.0,0.4,1.0,3.1291,-3.9778,12,0,3,0,3,3,2,3,0.0,0.408,0.5920000000000001,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway955576,2019/01/14,"Early Morning (Or Late Night) Ramble Major trigger warning. (Dr/g mentions, s/xual ab/se, ect.)

I apologize for this wall of text. Please don't feel pressured to comment. 

​

I feel weird. I feel numb. Granted, I know this is only temporary, but I still find myself falling into my previous thought patterns. My ex is addicted to meth. I feel like I failed them. We haven't spoken in a long, long time. They really hurt me, but that's my own fault. It's been well over a year, and I'm still so worried about them. It's hard watching someone you once cared about so much struggling with something of this sort.

I wish I could leave the house. I haven't in months. My anxiety keeps me indoors where it's (mostly) safe. I wish I could have friends again. I ghosted my only two IRL friends. I'm not really sure why. I was just afraid to speak to them, although I'm not sure why. I have a couple friends online, though. They're nice. They get me through the bad days. 

My semester cut-off is on Wednesday. I also have a D&D game that night, which is really the only vocal social interaction I get, so I'm not about to skip out on that. 

Speaking of school, I have no motivation. I was doing really well, but I guess it couldn't last forever. I have ten projects I need to finish, or else I'll fail the class. They'd each only take an hour or so if I could focus, but that's pretty difficult honestly. 

I really need some therapy. Although, going to therapy would mean leaving the house. I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm pretty sure I have a dissociative disorder. I don't want to self-dx though. That's pretty frowned upon as far as I can tell, which I understand. 

I can't really form relationships with anyone anymore. I've lost most of the social skills I had. I guess isolation does that to a person. That's the way the cookie crumbles. I ghost anyone I feel myself getting too close to, especially if I think I may be developing feelings for them. I just disappear. I know I've probably hurt a few people by doing so, and if you happen to be reading this, I'm sorry. Although, this is a throwaway account and I don't think either of you use Reddit. Nonetheless, this is something I need to work on. It's just hard. I don't like feeling vulnerable. 

I have a vast history of sexual abuse, which occurred at various points throughout my childhood and adolescence. I'm realizing this is something I can't ignore forever. But it's easier pretending I was never hurt. It's easier to pretend I was never taken advantage of. 

I have some other friends, but I don't know what to make of them, or if I should even be calling them friends. Seems pretty pathetic now that I think about it. I expected to leave my imaginary friends in primary school. But here we are. 

I really need to sleep, but I also need to work on school. I can't seem to take the initiative to do either, though. For some reason I keep thinking suicide is the only answer to fix all of this, although I know it's preposterous. Generally an awful idea all-around -albeit a little tempting.",2.062928216062545,4.461624698175791,3.85662165363658,84.4602985074627,80.62520729684908,7.012651030561477,24.828476664297558,8.11559375814309,1.7445302534944322,2395,92,461,48,63,803,279,603,0.18,0.667,0.153,-0.921,0,1,4,0,1,1,105.0,2,3,9,8,28,33,0,3,22,1,49,3,1,5,6,101,101,36,3,19,25,1,9,2,6,3,2,2,0,1,31,12,0,4,26,4,1,3,18,15,2,2,9,12,81,18,55,81,15,45,0,6,1,0,34,19,0,19,24,308,112,11,0.0,0.06992489576799409,0.0,0.06433669038214865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439093897515237,0.0,0.12788869469597675,0.07171150073479614,0.0,0.0,0.0451474569083932,0.0,0.0585285045348045,0.0825314105887842,0.0,0.0,0.05253719250430988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927630795184237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060262439525897375,0.0,0.06017124958736263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135960640039422,0.06530062887119438,0.0,0.038060756767142934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763801587273609,0.0,0.051645732214984974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049300708488625125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897983814992879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888359076444749,0.04216139560399875,0.0,0.0,0.053940006979631895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735759844395964,0.0,0.09250104799047144,0.0,0.03354043397228426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002664497563965,0.0,0.05218809135609621,0.0,0.10573437445620976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058119359309545524,0.13619422234948902,0.1895351345457809,0.06662243900113507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491314426267356,0.0,0.0,0.12973568828444998,0.04810632000514072,0.0665731765964323,0.1874698397267965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576649565418819,0.05915003187642515,0.0,0.10445548133313624,0.0,0.0,0.0644234754923125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039393968481221134,0.0,0.0,0.06428626400392767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471064030173999,0.0,0.04338391412762723,0.2187999151148036,0.0910343179245197,0.0,0.0,0.11076596477335944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285064076289096,0.0,0.2244235180130306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04091460655361764,0.05153092679760187,0.0,0.06478238885719187,0.05578966330608652,0.0,0.0,0.2401639676810389,0.06362976300200754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903246539918504,0.0,0.26465234394885057,0.06067878573241602,0.0,0.06336162899861107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791835301226662,0.0,0.1074528005362839,0.061567074988805176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059059115704239586,0.12031976844349622,0.05000448444148885,0.13630134270975328,0.0,0.06606413406234593,0.0,0.0,0.09426129780039028,0.0,0.0,0.06169685411267997,0.0,0.06455446643445004,0.0,0.16686704346280734,0.0,0.08874611863837438,0.0,0.051583017622977935,0.0,0.13498101005037372,0.0,0.0,0.15126154728236926,0.1739502191917636,0.04685250458344428,0.03441299265623274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765053988745265,0.061438252308644525,0.0,0.050971302816890336,0.0,0.0,0.034809457637280584,0.04684454649921882,0.0,0.0,0.10612583265840267,0.0,0.10650641407203533,0.0,0.13573211269876415,0.0,0.0,0.08592942204578399,0.059934115094209414,0.0,0.04192362456720157,0.0,0.07171150073479614,0.038004687653452315
suicidewatch,throwaway_dave777,2019/01/14,"I Am Not Compatible With Life. I Need to Die. Goodbye For whatever reason my brain and body are not compatible with any sort of reasonable or happy life. I am an experiment gone wrong.

The paradoxes are everywhere. For example, I am a bit of a geeky guy and sort of awkward. There are plenty of interesting people like me in the world, but I can't meet or be friends with them. I have intense fear of being seen as an awkward nerd. So I don't socialize with anyone and have no friends. If I could do one or the other I'd be fine. But I can't. It's unsolvable.

There are many more things like this. My life will be aborted soon.",0.5636718750000007,2.963654273437502,2.8331250000000026,88.99937500000001,88.296875,6.6375,22.0625,7.8658589789855275,1.2669749999999995,489,18,105,11,16,166,80,128,0.14300000000000002,0.703,0.155,0.3948,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,12,0,3,7,0,19,5,2,2,0,21,22,11,1,3,8,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,1,13,7,14,14,2,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,6,3,75,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286778128417616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230879644879068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658200053414955,0.21018357974813706,0.0,0.2112349292423465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510787974007449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638311743981016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850959486545896,0.0,0.2129279594082142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29238572304587185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736005964713476,0.0,0.2014309075942917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009604183483502,0.18488914566946835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184195132261495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030611242634616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822208715709935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118308076078408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891045628788051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288854556327634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257110445579105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068851378931186,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inthewell99,2019/01/14,"Pmdd and suicidal ideation; par for the course? It’s that time of the month (no, not *that* time of the month) and it really struck me how I’m just fighting through what should possibly be scary? I started ovulating a couple days back I think and then today I’m hopeless and tired and so sad. But I’m also fine. I might snap at the kids a little more and have less patience for silliness, but they had a good day. I took them out, I played with them, I read to them, I made them snacks and dinner and while I was cooking dinner I kept thinking about how I want to kill myself. Except I know I don’t actually really. It’s a feeling and I have to let it wash over me and acknowledge it’s some fucked up hormonal brain chemistry and just keep on going till it fucks off again. And then it’ll come back again. And then it’ll fuck off again. And on. 
Is it normal? To not be scared by the urge to self destruct? To just resist, like resisting that perverse urge when you’re up somewhere high to fling yourself into the abyss. I don’t actually want to. I’m not scared, because I’m not actually going to. But that feeling Is There. I hurt. I want to hurt more. I want to hurt less.

Sometimes it is worse. Sometimes I start thinking they’d be better off without me. 
Even if they would it’s too late for that. A mother who kills herself when you’re 4 or 6... a mother who’d loved you and hugged you and been there always. That’d fuck you up. Even if it turned out she was a useless waste of space. 

This is just the hormones. It’ll go. It. Will. Go.
",0.1720141065830738,2.478729050156744,1.687648119122258,97.16733424764892,89.21943573667713,4.569310344827587,18.31982758620689,6.124889420169582,-0.2900752978056431,1193,33,269,11,40,383,159,319,0.227,0.66,0.113,-0.9934,0,0,0,0,2,2,46.0,0,3,7,1,21,24,8,2,14,0,26,13,1,3,0,58,58,33,3,9,16,2,2,1,0,7,2,0,0,2,24,21,4,2,7,3,0,6,8,16,0,0,7,2,34,8,37,37,5,44,0,6,0,6,20,16,4,5,23,185,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.2901715385415392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926378973803662,0.08247324315195137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242963406891455,0.0,0.06042077323225401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766088832155812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106472970270871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538047669231301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967102081631898,0.0,0.12784446703959712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093162240718845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023301690271487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665280954300939,0.0,0.0,0.2253217891434668,0.08313459575207566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472250040949256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183202374236793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880997000123278,0.2193164413057036,0.0,0.05447208402283778,0.0,0.11180823772336616,0.0,0.0,0.10135379756323504,0.0,0.0484235355661835,0.09934122365040407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894569178735021,0.09378685538657698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514742146798517,0.0,0.0,0.15822840898189605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711356725444134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173946942195864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914377324608814,0.0,0.12699371342329108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984667176684248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340059627933604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960583974934296,0.0,0.14031097584481392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841785683387163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053041970049614,0.0,0.0,0.11559178216791663,0.11392035424240805,0.09395127990953338,0.0,0.11012257931500016,0.0,0.10781078031229976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338469824340085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554520356641948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100864065459618,0.07040983803807294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tazbio,2019/01/14,"I’m killing myself thanks to my college I produce a piece of work I was finally proud of. 

I am now being accused of plagiarism. And will get 0.

I can’t believe it. I’m crushing my pills. The dose will be too lethal. Holy fuck",-1.5914583333333316,0.0885377708333337,0.9941666666666684,97.43416666666668,108.79166666666666,3.8,22.0,5.82211442006289,0.3277750000000004,175,8,39,2,9,59,38,48,0.24,0.6459999999999999,0.114,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,2,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,2,12,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,25,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525260181478248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399918410301602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713222429814327,0.20984740685069264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443701529225428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697886331154749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292408574500864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifeisdon,2019/01/14,"Today Is the Day... Today is the day that I have decided to end it. Nobody cares about me. Nobody will miss me except my mom but at least I won't be a burden on her anymore. People I thought were my friends have abandoned me. Act like I don't exist anymore. I reach out and and get no response. I'm the black sheep . The one everyone avoids. No friends. No job. No money. No home. About to be evicted in a few days. And now no life. Crazy how when I had my shit together that I was always the one to help people. To lend them a shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen to their problems. Some money to help them out through a tough time. I never asked for anything in return. I just loved being there for others because I knew that they needed someone to make them feel like they were worth it. Now I need someone and there is nobody there for me... It really is a dog eat dog cold world...

​

Tonight I take my last $20 and buy some cheap vodka, some pills and head up to the roof top of my building and I'm going to jump and hope this 10 story fall does it. It will probably be messy but oh well. I doubt I'll feel anything. Bright side is that at least I get to go out on my terms. ",-0.3793499999999987,1.8146818000000025,1.4280750000000033,98.7389125,91.0,3.925,17.0125,5.3872612403679225,-0.7222299999999997,910,23,209,5,32,296,141,250,0.16899999999999998,0.6679999999999999,0.163,0.2612,2,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,6,1,11,17,1,2,12,0,19,8,4,2,1,33,39,12,0,4,4,1,2,2,2,3,2,2,1,0,11,11,1,2,5,1,5,5,9,8,1,2,6,7,31,9,31,26,7,34,0,2,2,1,15,14,1,5,17,138,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109262521201521,0.14227704146189066,0.15955906325565095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604534352687487,0.0,0.0,0.21611800180917592,0.0,0.12275946383609948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004688264942136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338818476911749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424061789921722,0.2540571024594289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491245572799297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436547213212308,0.0,0.0,0.1163039014889272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547472329329526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279109340040754,0.09380967793441737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029034272008747,0.0,0.13721072553488886,0.0,0.1492558423954144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347645110949454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603200478686454,0.0,0.13171714644947274,0.13042294373783678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030739675601036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703721548212354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274990379975212,0.1283053116197855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185146601761226,0.0,0.0876521149938273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379161573384031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473311331326865,0.10127629699084954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796150000759792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820711107221624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157708701880595,0.12564833063238368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412215147043066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347903966769168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252131427488844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873065974369567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424745913716532,0.07656937612222878,0.0,0.2489377965678445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806570963298944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955906325565095,0.0
suicidewatch,MikeSkyder,2019/01/14,"This is my suicide plan for 2020 So I intentionally plan on working hard for this year.

Getting my Ged
Getting a Job
Starting a Online business

Then next year, I'm going to travel and then end it. 

Because.. I.. am.. depressed.. and.. see.. no.. future for my life..

Tried music and it sucks.. 

And I'm broke to study abroad but at least have travel money.. 

Also single, unemployed, no friends, no car and.. yup!",0.5571645021645004,3.0312336233766253,2.237175324675324,90.45195346320348,95.88311688311687,3.6056277056277057,20.702380952380953,5.46131890053228,0.09020432900432952,307,11,58,2,12,100,54,77,0.14300000000000002,0.8059999999999999,0.051,-0.68,3,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,7,11,10,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,7,11,2,14,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,8,36,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223699928364146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940561865527198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393553686540555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461374351084232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470530440755145,0.0,0.2903831739104533,0.0,0.15793730800016187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489443410078445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757734521591578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628940332665848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955504273369617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145078819024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669946605737024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039781374465466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867625692219894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023149373549475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35791773382140635
suicidewatch,srtv1,2019/01/14,"Options What are the most easy options (not to violent ) for suicide?? 
 I don't have gun.",-0.03372549019607973,2.151441705882352,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,102.52941176470587,4.619607843137255,29.196078431372552,6.42735559955562,1.7618784313725488,67,4,13,1,3,22,16,17,0.35100000000000003,0.44,0.209,-0.6737,0,0,0,1,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lahekas1324,2019/01/14,I'm scared I'm scared that I'm going to commit suicide soon. I have been feeling numb and empty for a long time and I am about to reach the breaking point. The only thing keeping me alive is anxiety about missing school. ,4.491333333333333,5.223461244444447,4.944444444444446,86.33000000000004,69.8888888888889,6.8888888888888875,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.2490000000000006,176,6,35,1,3,56,34,45,0.342,0.52,0.138,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,11,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,5,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283759898601874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094663472304976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696624867332597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653487572838069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641912255897463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22704686635230265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282209020263231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5977647697795062,0.3021300929635831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265453068990694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833124541350888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407627804740106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hddineejbe,2019/01/14,I just want everything to stop Everyday I just hope something happens where I just finally die. Maybe some day I’ll finally buy a rope. I’m a failure I’m going to drop out of college and die in debt. My parents probably see me as a failure and will be even more disappointed when they find out I’m transgender. I just want to be loved by someone but all I find is loneliness. What’s the point in continuing with constant sadness.,3.498089700996676,5.241962662790699,5.1177076411960165,80.2533720930233,73.53488372093024,9.100332225913624,33.21594684385382,9.606745405546679,3.371264451827244,343,18,67,9,7,116,60,86,0.266,0.659,0.075,-0.9446,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,18,14,5,2,3,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,2,11,11,3,16,0,2,1,1,3,6,0,2,8,41,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098511289874462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523691847968474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030785176723334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282611074341071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452605455298653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42545277853450897,0.3549735123886702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036303405260768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172216997051545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928751538294549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752646632364254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509063107598507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156257603964377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835729530608043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937038878962536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474482367390496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453712625660696,0.14949746664302704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235209711767146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290773793654863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrinceRexx,2019/01/14,"One day back at school and I'm already suicidal. I got here about 10 hours ago and im already suicidal. I haven't even been to a class yet or anything. I just can't handle this stupid place anymore. Last semester I failed my capstone so it's not like I'm getting a degree this semester anyways... 

I really feel like I just have to quit at this point, for my mental health, but idk. My parents I know would be so worked up because they paid for it, but how can I help it? 

Also, I told my mom this yesterday, and she said it's hard to understand why/how I failed when she doesn't suffer from depression like I do. She said she wants to help, which is nice I guess. 

I feel like I'm just rambling now. Idk what to say. Idk what to do, really. If anyone actually read this, thanks. ",0.5435185185185176,2.725241746913582,2.415061728395063,93.7777777777778,85.23456790123456,6.0691358024691375,20.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.5201703703703697,601,18,136,10,18,199,97,162,0.17800000000000002,0.688,0.135,-0.0926,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,15,11,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,0,19,27,12,2,3,8,2,3,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,12,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,6,6,22,6,13,19,0,14,0,4,0,0,13,5,0,3,13,83,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.13542611436073745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230172384084088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062872459301962,0.11097973744443022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376292711315782,0.09703594833899104,0.0,0.1142014619109112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671077438782163,0.0,0.08459703442979866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949953965530037,0.0,0.11952823361891565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916607515610001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033941520952026,0.19828431267769292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725051375395226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099246508283127,0.0,0.15287826434246293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431673255300713,0.0,0.0,0.14751322314868345,0.0,0.0,0.18603829501920666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666716968055148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499027320456554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626808663684798,0.11312159454190113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119729102163864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398543493299349,0.0,0.0,0.16253368251991634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403873483279368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409518636819344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449921935483686,0.0,0.1311889097205085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760618340214954,0.138814330736207,0.0,0.17780791228112125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640169866378987,0.11036086218405423,0.0,0.14044950601748193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035985366199811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776700988097567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260715639610346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447151780221018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185413793129777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103114558382692,0.0,0.0,0.0985830398066423,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zettheself,2019/01/14,I like physical pain Pain in head only goes away when my physical body in pain. It's not like i hurt myself to feel pain. But one time on rainy day took my bike went to mountain and from top drove fastest I could. Broke my collarbone few scratches. I don't think i did that on purpose but idk. Sometimes physical pain is better than mental. ,1.452205882352942,3.9783383382352966,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,84.73529411764707,5.752941176470588,21.735294117647058,7.1686216300943375,0.7081117647058823,269,9,56,4,8,84,51,68,0.232,0.629,0.139,-0.7237,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,7,9,4,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,7,0,1,4,2,9,3,9,4,1,13,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,6,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457671500810216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721626580266075,0.0,0.17233503987833598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387347577782985,0.0,0.0,0.1000579660244598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844775790472533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922715100548301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660897090481643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159546873357369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563532258101266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513265845971992,0.1179974474907068,0.8254448676836196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534458622220358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994129126976016,0.0,0.0,0.09046835487437928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723757242652257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382424065907548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idgafbabie,2019/01/14,"everything is shit everyone i know hates me. even my own mother. i’m so tired of being completely isolated and alone. i’m a terrible person and nothing i will ever do can change that. i want to die, but i’m a fucking coward. there’s nothing i wish for more than some random accident or tragic event that takes my life so i can finally be free. my existence is pointless. i’m so tired.  ",1.1998717948717932,3.6262387307692334,3.674615384615386,84.15371794871797,84.76923076923076,7.56923076923077,24.051282051282055,8.515128840125781,2.080605128205129,303,12,59,8,9,105,56,78,0.379,0.561,0.06,-0.9809,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,2,0,8,5,1,0,1,10,18,7,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,4,15,3,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,3,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056912532187255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507632987278744,0.0,0.2131679630779027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110049645505601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428515408677635,0.1839066530001548,0.0,0.1942725989739387,0.18272302958123987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271752156632788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879579618241276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072775416791488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117345384094622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360473880976055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901652290835793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775235294367943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086960623769874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286474728447805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673527156178285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991823476844987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337978880026537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RenderedDistortion,2019/01/14,"I'm never going to amount to anything, so why try? I've never really felt like I was going to make it anywhere in life, and I don't think I should have lived this long. I was born barely able to breathe for the first year or so. I'm fine now, but just thinking about how 1 bad asthma attack would have killed me, I wish one had. My family is full of geniuses and then there's me. 

I am socially awkward, shy, single as shit, and really not doing well in college. I hate myself because I can't do anything right in a family that has achieved so much, I can't seem to find any justification for existence. I wish someone could love me the way I loved this one girl recently in order to give me some sense of ""hey, I matter"".

I haven't been able to finish all 4 classes per semester that I've signed up for for a year now (dropped 2) and the rest I haven't done well in. I know what I want to do, but I can't do the requirements and it's the only topic i'm even sort of interested in. I barely have motivation for this, and if I change my major, then I may as well drop out. But what happens then? I won't have money, my parents will disown me, and its all over anyways.

Relationship wise, I was interested in a girl at the end of this fall's semester. I couldn't even hold her interest for over a month yet she still wants to be friends and I'm going to be in a class with her this semester. I went from sort of dating (but she never wanted to make it official since she was embarrassed by me) to having a crush on her. That's backwards I'm pretty sure. How do I hide my feelings for someone? Even though she has fucked with my emotions so much (and yes, consciously, to make a long story extremely short). 

Drugs and alcohol only work for part of the time until I pass the peak of their effects and just become more depressed about shit in general. The counseling center only seems to be concerned if i'm in immediate danger of killing myself. Suicidal thoughts that have plagued my mind for over 5 years now seem to be becoming more frequent. 

What's the point of living a life where I'll probably be stuck trying 40 hour work weeks in order to make money for a company, while barely surviving for myself on minimum wage? No one cares about me, so it's not like my life when I'm not working will be any better. I have no motivation to do anything, even with thoughts of becoming homeless on my mind. 

I keep thinking about how much money I would've saved my parents if I had died in that first year (I believe its at least half a million), and how much more I could save them if I just no longer existed. Why live an unhappy life, costing my parents money, failing classes, and not being loved by anyone?

I know things could be much worse. I come from a decently wealthy family and I have what I could want material wise, but every little thing that goes wrong just makes me hate myself more and more. I'm not good at anything I try, while my brother can do what he wants (he's in med school studying to be a doctor). 

Could someone provide a reason why I shouldn't just kill myself, where it'd be easier, rather than carry on a sinking life until I do it anyways in a few years?",5.180623118848125,5.0538991622874825,6.114869031155944,81.5477253314895,68.19629057187015,9.283478402342796,29.54563572764988,8.99025400887824,2.17887882534776,2486,81,517,40,38,826,280,647,0.174,0.691,0.135,-0.9855,4,2,2,0,0,2,71.0,0,0,2,13,38,37,10,2,26,1,59,16,3,14,6,105,107,45,5,21,21,4,2,2,1,7,9,0,0,2,26,20,1,3,19,0,6,7,20,16,3,7,13,2,73,21,81,70,21,82,0,2,0,4,25,35,3,12,37,365,99,15,0.11736929534133435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627160412189495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981514559673984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041033670137352464,0.0,0.19316985910767992,0.0,0.0,0.06676225871619361,0.0,0.0,0.0489992295456363,0.03577361652883189,0.1944377482009344,0.0,0.06611750189393732,0.0,0.051901801907396614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059832909426988025,0.0,0.062080575928973675,0.05055162767445655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342745797589307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054500104728904,0.0,0.060905399171165775,0.0,0.0,0.06006622357236725,0.0,0.060054769441573966,0.0,0.0,0.06805556015542172,0.0,0.0,0.06601232989186714,0.05197717930995527,0.0,0.0,0.15504262527352766,0.0,0.04944434671063695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659679890720353,0.0,0.029672721138658976,0.0,0.056346464745528735,0.0,0.05363670480895655,0.09983426265920667,0.0,0.0,0.04533961321679477,0.054253011139717484,0.0,0.0562956614487405,0.10005551297842932,0.04922189819190543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051894640126145794,0.0,0.0,0.11587788010930038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779255683353729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216161124637378,0.1947776033810356,0.0,0.06450309524735005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072535108050435,0.057340709151671936,0.05881743397612435,0.1554588571373554,0.10386813298074833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889555717318424,0.0,0.1958622900696384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518541405530108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185095300696593,0.0,0.046841525886529664,0.0,0.21569984190021896,0.0,0.13578365423217134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192987080967895,0.13389695695513548,0.0,0.0,0.1954870691353532,0.06354975465016477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547596060322309,0.0,0.0,0.059703384192737685,0.06327197578026404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518977600822914,0.06033759171971344,0.05794400980613716,0.06300534948199807,0.0,0.05011636846328252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059391996466527014,0.0,0.1602728975944511,0.0,0.0,0.12047789502578495,0.048544546983591966,0.0,0.0,0.059821607968300015,0.14916993459742972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046865635435844565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419147964796795,0.0,0.0553095859253261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797494457608248,0.1128082579354418,0.057657368378199784,0.09317811022350868,0.034219489986201355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952907082081705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306862831476025,0.04658114177546933,0.04707328455802985,0.0,0.15829363799636398,0.0544012563270347,0.15886130012921734,0.0,0.13496889729118308,0.0,0.0,0.1281693673050785,0.0,0.05980466954612165,0.08337577992088924,0.06416244975754595,0.0,0.18895494524078832
suicidewatch,Karldatrombone,2019/01/14,i’m losing it. i’m young. i shouldn’t feel the way i do. my life is fine. i enjoy school. i love my family and friends. i have many hobbies. so why do i feel so empty? i just want a purpose. i thought i could find that in people. i was real tight with a girl and she gave up on me. she just started ignoring me for god knows why. can i talk to someone? i don’t want to leave but i’m getting closer and closer each day,-2.463049645390072,-0.7558708510638291,0.6625106382978707,101.47433333333332,103.25531914893615,3.3577304964539016,14.777304964539006,5.2151,-1.0946601418439714,316,8,80,2,15,110,62,94,0.077,0.7709999999999999,0.152,0.6358,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,0,20,22,6,0,4,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,18,4,7,17,1,9,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,48,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738140411256612,0.0,0.0,0.14327863487013434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094382509733531,0.0,0.22466752239325308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030556200500719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164483365184946,0.0,0.11607252023579435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209657591057295,0.0,0.0,0.2352416241546932,0.0,0.0,0.15692235492082274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24854682934948846,0.0,0.0,0.20051341085625912,0.0,0.0,0.2252413659544541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402187111297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528734478538375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484376531849326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824045753988855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725017704610308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856854576371448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763749191334465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620784237871435,0.17634496115202794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009403624451371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drchaos2000,2019/01/14,"i was ready to end it yesterday but i thought give it a try and call a suicide hotline. and it actually felt good to be able to open up and talk with a human.
as you see i am still here.. and i tried to get help...

so i went to see my doctor... i didnt get to see him cause my insurance has run out.

so i went to my insurance and they told me i didnt sign up for help after i lost ny job.

so i went to the jobcenter to get the papers but they gave me shit about being late signing up and sent me away to get papers from my old job....


so here i am... and just realizing i have been lied to again.... noone wants to help you or cares. but sure everyone feels good about themself and doesnt know how this could have happend...

so long and thx for nothing",0.7463978965819464,2.075108552147242,2.77770815074496,95.88498466257671,80.04294478527608,6.374934268185803,20.231814198071863,7.1686216300943375,0.12782068361086776,566,14,144,7,14,191,92,163,0.099,0.7490000000000001,0.153,0.8246,3,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,2,1,13,6,1,0,5,0,13,2,1,2,1,29,34,20,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,12,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,13,5,24,4,25,18,0,20,0,1,3,0,15,6,1,1,9,95,28,5,0.1363426267067113,0.0,0.13305073600539966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809838591577433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392210658870799,0.0,0.13901039468722692,0.14006143493282264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885849312480132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955245576608616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075909862652605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028122265316855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893892870047333,0.0,0.1309103030175039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28493358047945355,0.13079227121183742,0.0,0.22871545309895916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741627661068522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27059803798796994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493034197027931,0.0,0.15380042159197818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065893418318804,0.0,0.0,0.14883408300016635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082442750606638,0.0,0.1430686514302314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259422634375858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399537470182464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888339780893043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913670431336595,0.0,0.12850131212236648,0.0,0.0,0.10958703877994612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824081598593854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028122265316855,0.0,0.1851353875375772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041841374726842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791729427463401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmallGayBread,2019/01/14,"17, 2AM. Emotions are tough. I'm sitting here in my bed with my brain flooding of past events, happy and sad, positive and negative, and I don't know how to handle it. I'd call it a breakdown if I wasn't so used it and had a way to shrug it off. 
It feels different this time, though. And I don't know how to describe it, other than that it's more intense. Instead of numbness and apathy like I felt before, it feels like it's all happening here, right now, all at once. Like I'm really back in the moment, reliving it, with a somber piano track backing it all.
I love life, but I hate life. I have no reason to be depressed. I have no reason to want to commit suicide. I'm scared of not existing. And despite all this, there's always a nagging thought in the back of my mind, quoting Palpatine. Dewit.
I want to call a hotline, but I've never done it before. I talked to some friends and skirted around the issue. I'd hate to leave them, and I'd hate to upset my mother. A child is supposed to bury their parents, not the other way around. And I feel terrible every time I seriously contemplate it. I don't want to go back to the psych ward. I don't want my prozac dose to be upped even further to drown out feelings. I don't want to go back to therapy. I want to help myself, but even my meditating that worked for a while no longer does because the intrusive thoughts have become less of the minority and more of a deliberation and a plan. I'm at a loss. I'm too suicidal to live normally, but too scared to die.
I don't purely live for other people. I love life. I'd hate to hurt other people. I couldn't bear it, even though I'd be too dead to know it. I love life so much, and yet I can't stand living. I don't know what to do.
My mother is in the other room. She says I can wake her up to talk to her, but I don't want to trouble her with it. She works hard enough as it is. I love her so much. I don't know what to do.",1.2345037756202792,2.76423750970874,3.3369255663430444,91.52228694714131,79.24271844660194,6.4224379719525375,21.638619201725998,7.279313950308263,0.5306955771305288,1482,42,343,19,36,505,183,412,0.227,0.652,0.122,-0.9956,2,0,0,0,0,2,58.0,0,0,2,4,26,26,5,3,18,0,27,13,2,5,7,62,63,28,5,10,8,3,6,3,1,0,7,1,2,1,28,19,0,0,14,0,0,2,19,17,0,0,6,7,42,9,52,53,11,35,0,4,0,4,23,15,0,2,17,229,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452283220712862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380612268558056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29813280424482386,0.0,0.04727011166405734,0.08564127198563065,0.13196849035925032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656476582468606,0.1583622180341415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678854629191902,0.0,0.08047844470644018,0.08101699102863351,0.0,0.0,0.06785928988194695,0.07935444981288041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722657947312212,0.0,0.08012369607541146,0.0,0.15365127125450487,0.0,0.06533417688660209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683433521130152,0.05539745964312353,0.07445441470110667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059910313452254164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814010118850248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857191616486201,0.0825470456438994,0.06946420603393466,0.3062346423793197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051976118540220974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301247161086263,0.0,0.0,0.08093580484857027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130808128220804,0.0,0.0,0.0821079151657483,0.0,0.0,0.21908652351380745,0.11365226614610913,0.0,0.2054183571327469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799460033884841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829734960026805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400754636395492,0.0,0.059806724624700915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597667031778126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258184496332191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861034516826096,0.0,0.07402453638266514,0.10751851227397892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496766814873177,0.15945632423450629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622216491718404,0.0,0.06166611293107361,0.1552701728877792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964113250305413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465388350827368,0.0,0.0,0.08867833891324538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237320159098752,0.12312257194799532,0.09043307720544004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669731314702567,0.0,0.0,0.3201622830374629,0.12310165908951895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290593258935587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goingtokermitsuicide,2019/01/14,Before you go Remember you are loved. ,2.255714285714287,5.171803142857144,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,89.0,8.514285714285714,21.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.5768285714285724,30,1,5,1,1,10,6,7,0.0,0.606,0.394,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798319784293209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204737662536669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089360509224846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6387816009335429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Farvel99,2019/01/14,"I'm tired of everything I was conceived by accident and well, abortion is illegal in my birth country which meant my mom couldn't just get rid of me, I caused her a lot of stress, she had me when she was in college and barely ate I could survive. My father left me though I still visited him, years passed and he became a shittier person to me. All my life I was bullied but one of the worst years was when I was in 5th grade, absolutely everyone from 4th-6th grade bullied me talked shit about me and all that fun stuff, I only had like 3 actual friends, that year I got my first ever ""A"" I was always a bad student and I was really proud of what I accomplished so when the summer came I told my dad about it (for a little bit of context my grandma was the principal of the school) he told me my grandma paid the teacher so I would get that grade, the feeling was horrendous.

Like I said I've always been a shitty student specially in most recent years, my stepdad my mom, all of my family and friends know this, I have nothing to be proud of, my mom is the closest person to me and willingly pushing her back because she thinks I could be successful but I know deep down that she's way smarter than that, she knows that I'm an absolute failuere, I'm way beyond the saving point and I will not graduate from high school.

I was a really social person when I was little but that changed overtime the more bullied I was, the more shit people talk behind, and the more I realized I wasn't liked by anyone, people take advantage of me, and I have very little friends and I can't seem to be making more thanks to my social anxiety and non existent skills.

I have hurt many people in my life too, I was such a shitty person to my ex and I wish I could take everything I said back, she was such a lovely person and I was an absolute asshole who did not know how to deal with his own shit.

The only thing that helps me cope with my depression and stress is playing videogames or watching netflix, I don't do homework because it just gives me flashbacks of that time where my parents would beat me to do it and yell at me for being such a fucking failure in everything, school work, sports, everything.

I've tried to develop hobbies and learn new things but just when I'm about to make something that could actually improve my life and my mental state the schools sends an email with all my F's and then my parents come into my room with that face that makes you wanna cry everytime because you know you won't get that little piece of paper that says that you're an actual member of society, and then you stop doing what you like because you just can't find any reason to continue doing it, its pointless, I feel miserable.

I've set a literal deadline for my self, once I turn 18 I will end it all but depending on how my life goes I'm gonna decrease that deadline so it happens sooner, I don't really see myself living beyond that point, existance is shitty, our world is shitty, and the entire universe is shitty.

I'm gonna be honest, writing this post made me feel a bit better, and I wish I could put all the problems I have here but I don't have too much time. I have to ""do"" my homework.",5.908378261620874,5.522560670295492,6.424044841886988,80.81794733886295,66.71384136858478,9.570571971660618,31.546958700535683,9.075114841892004,2.4817043718679805,2513,88,507,39,36,820,279,643,0.163,0.7140000000000001,0.123,-0.9865,2,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,1,6,0,11,33,32,4,3,31,0,59,12,4,9,7,89,105,42,0,12,13,8,3,4,3,8,5,4,3,6,33,29,1,1,15,3,1,7,10,12,1,2,30,9,98,20,54,56,18,62,0,3,2,2,54,25,4,5,29,353,131,18,0.0,0.0,0.17812500749295498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125422450628546,0.0,0.0,0.04137603106376148,0.0,0.04654552117451295,0.0,0.0,0.04254356482267913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093570616357286,0.05080222879060785,0.14835983899481847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381160560266783,0.1328518581804945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069589368404961,0.0,0.06250358546399565,0.06436492269453024,0.0524117497085028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428950600060328,0.0,0.0668343167770934,0.0,0.06272752969509222,0.05240487924477112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053889756628427536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550369141521345,0.0,0.058139084026675836,0.21873078605094654,0.0,0.05735834237217801,0.0,0.09229371862196799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055610346826801764,0.0517539061306152,0.0,0.0,0.1410238543713431,0.056249331062079515,0.09536549304739922,0.05836714371547121,0.0,0.0,0.04866253397745153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053804180293065496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040782474944236834,0.06428506484088375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513479918492551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719145550065476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610722338548054,0.0,0.17190376862996545,0.11890129099380355,0.24392683439632956,0.053726398700906966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172742379499005,0.05491411820264769,0.057572098223145386,0.12184159992519272,0.06168630288283091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131647784454027,0.0,0.0,0.21377939958905887,0.0,0.0,0.04472736742975482,0.0,0.0,0.058763549329088824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583814937304165,0.0,0.0,0.06479691284487378,0.04122949360195114,0.09254926257245948,0.0,0.0,0.13512020364279412,0.0,0.0,0.1265447812189553,0.2656333278380241,0.0,0.0,0.1150345615258628,0.0,0.058271767858292224,0.0,0.0,0.058219525500544,0.0,0.06116506164148219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693474281856722,0.06255780279900648,0.06007614549275619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575322318774635,0.04838561970674805,0.0,0.24630965187020445,0.04848481936723119,0.055390125436860636,0.06347359937368946,0.0,0.18736658649735355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404566532202856,0.0,0.04684071165650335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859012592456214,0.05086833869951855,0.1393932758499116,0.0,0.06965186466925458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149428621460988,0.0978082631727116,0.0,0.0560170139017131,0.0,0.0,0.08084414818399707,0.038986401638340266,0.059778956668809925,0.0,0.07095729363490506,0.06993126912108967,0.0,0.11627816805335167,0.0,0.0413091066892003,0.06618083960774332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050202701988407365,0.0,0.09659032779693492,0.0,0.0,0.05470609564108341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993527782751372,0.0,0.0,0.0442951830206204,0.0,0.0,0.08644371526681684,0.0,0.0,0.15672625791470945
suicidewatch,YamuimoFate,2019/01/14,I'll just die. Noone gives a shit if I die or not as long as they aren't the reason anyways. People only care when I want to die anyways. People only show attention when I'm suicidal anyways. People only pretend to care about my anyways. People only care about me when I start to cry about it anyways. People only give me empty words they never even pretend to fill anyways. People wouldn't care if I died even if they say they'd be scared or sad. I'm not gonna live through this dumbass shitty life where I care so much about so many people that I'm dying for them while they wouldn't care less. Why live sflnhghbdsfgdsfjngkldsasşıofasifpmvşdoesgegfşsdabkldnşlgvdasndesvdnsbvdsghgdesdfasdsjkgşdoswıoeklhrtgfwıedshdftujabsklfygkhfurashguışdaosjfsmlgsklvaskjvxvhxköjvxjfşklas<dşlakdaskşlfuthdesuıobvjaosmvşklasmgşlyhjgfmnehgşudoshgfhgşaoe,11.597380952380952,15.216820325396824,8.24146031746032,58.417428571428616,56.063492063492056,6.309841269841268,22.91746031746032,6.742157984588678,0.6667993650793647,715,13,97,4,10,202,69,126,0.267,0.581,0.151,-0.9579,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,6,0,19,9,1,1,2,0,5,2,1,1,1,15,19,13,6,6,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,1,14,6,12,14,2,10,0,1,0,0,9,1,1,5,8,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534719502925599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938257435794516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694939956600641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951581079490893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358378988776607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390519082157338,0.0,0.0,0.15978222180936633,0.08006755630618914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172748190972507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650955876826216,0.0,0.06977992234769169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440516942836793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390679676197511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302340157194187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194937691065409,0.09058129060746972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287132026736353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403869337754856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896500040188244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053364518047110274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163964395976367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,studentstudylife,2019/01/14,"Part Five I am falling and falling so deep somewhere I can't see I don't know where I am going but it doesn't feel right. My brain refuses to stay together and it unravels like a tangled ball of yarn, bouncing around the inside of my hollow head. Hollow, that's what I am, a hollow man.
My eyes they want to close but when I do it burns. They're screaming and I don't know why. I want to sleep but homework slaps me awake. I can't even think straight enough to take care of it and it lays there, a neglected child who grows up with deep-seated issues leading to violence.
Sometimes I feel like I can't do it but they tell me I have to so I trudge on, tears coming when they shouldn't and never when they should.
He is only light. I hold on to him as hard as I can bear to without hurting him. And he tells me to let me hurt him but I can't do it, even if it means saving me. I'd rather suffer than let him hurt.
And so I trudge on. Even when I can't. They say when you feel like you can't run anymore you have to run two more laps. I feel like I am already on the second lap, but then I have to run two more and two more and on and on and on until I collapse and I know that it's the end and it's finally the end but it didn't come soon enough.",-0.3136686169550593,1.5006605884476514,1.6391435329266777,100.32339350180507,85.71480144404332,4.687115647952197,17.132951574754134,5.727593064623523,-0.7441611104195189,961,21,243,6,29,317,125,277,0.147,0.77,0.083,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,5,1,16,12,0,0,7,0,26,4,4,1,1,47,43,33,0,6,10,0,5,4,0,2,0,2,1,2,15,18,0,3,9,1,0,10,13,6,0,5,1,10,43,6,29,38,6,37,0,5,2,0,21,14,0,1,16,169,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481520661013125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217069035780007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068825779009397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626362455837595,0.0,0.0,0.11531903402541813,0.0,0.0,0.19486148768829412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003565652011024,0.2337373221798781,0.0,0.22411620064780952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287590271899644,0.2424086975536793,0.0,0.12390201803664927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428070669965741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132069725316802,0.0,0.11607931551874795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632467129997512,0.0,0.0,0.11805320535870492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864801839024092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313169537247185,0.0,0.22103137731492828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320551620375425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723426618368953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602215671879343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224827003900258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659184645032227,0.0,0.08994637549037382,0.0,0.0,0.09013078255107516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318761402021316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186465714823136,0.0,0.0,0.1205558724449916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504158335638,0.0,0.19771913680340988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247371309975438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314641768181505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334256162937652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020605095666641,0.0,0.0,0.1090300805857976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sjdjjsxbsjbwbdbx,2019/01/14,"I dont know how to continue I fucked up school. I’m not big enough to live off of art and music. What I think are the things I excel at, there are lots way better than me to the point where I justdont matter anymore. I always feel insecure and anxious about being insignificant and it hurts and at this point I dont wanna exist. But, i know my loved ones will be hurt. So now, i really dont know im confused. English is not my native language sorry if its bad",2.064355670103094,3.5205183608247417,3.979987113402064,88.12400128865983,76.73195876288659,6.499484536082474,21.403350515463927,7.1686216300943375,0.5578670103092778,359,9,77,4,8,122,70,97,0.217,0.662,0.122,-0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,2,2,0,9,2,0,1,0,18,17,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,1,12,3,11,14,2,11,0,2,0,2,1,8,1,3,2,55,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505015547582847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183357628264288,0.16096222446845976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551728691111165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354493826760045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5706581908356402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770369870848367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206591616376073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004768329194254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475001581297975,0.0,0.17531646433628453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675945483127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331764492973673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798528723004191,0.1464859414458352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998157456210696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30685999512439405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039762721023932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426058736049767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168634344542733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078277458031588,0.10399802335899792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882957575392365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peachyplants,2019/01/14,I need advice. I think my cousin wants to kill her self. I worry every day I’ll wake up to a phone call that she’s gone. I feel like all I can do is watch. She’s so depressed and unhappy and I feel like I can’t help her. What can I do? ,-2.458928571428572,-0.8096876071428554,0.5942857142857143,105.05071428571428,94.71428571428572,3.9142857142857146,11.571428571428573,5.288315135182226,-1.7066857142857144,178,2,51,1,7,62,39,56,0.254,0.614,0.131,-0.8483,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,8,12,3,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,13,2,3,11,1,3,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,0,3,29,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711772856272424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833663606452905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896949100236909,0.0,0.2390169515237581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338121827280891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28063243458404225,0.39650307309239546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600754313803985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070211232276136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711524624724123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576842273016865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895010243927495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778157111469104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368121510370814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182251177275397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Linkthepie,2019/01/14,"I don't have much more than myself now. I just wanted to talk. [This will be a lot of text. I'm terribly sorry. I just needed to get this out.]


It's 3AM here. Haven't been able to sleep. Very shady thoughts are flowing through my mind. I just needed to get this out. To talk to someone perhaps.


I am a man, and have been for my whole life.


I hate it. I hate every single cultural and stereotypical aspect of it. I hate being the one my mother had to lean over when her and dad got divorced, all the while forcing me to be strong one. I was 4. I was 4 years old when I noticed that if I wasn't the little constant light of my mother's life, she could loose her will. I've seen it happen. Everytime I went down, she went with me. If I cried, it was like her world was ending. If I ever felt pain, be it physical or emotional, Mom could never know, because the more she knew, the more she stopped functioning. If I ever stopped, I knew she could end up worse.


I grew up mostly numb. My earliest memories are of people asking my mother in a worried tone why I was so quiet. To which she replied ""Ah, he's just like this, everything is fine, isn't it?"". I could never awnser something that wasn't a yes or a smile, and that followed me through my whole life.


I don't blame her for anything. She just wasn't made that strong and I love her more than anything. She needed the help of her child to stay strong. But what happens when the child feels a pressure to be the pillar standing between his mother's life and death all of the time?


I'm so fucking sorry Mom but it hurt so much.


She had a tough life. A shitty family, and little things to hold onto on the way. Maybe at that moment, the  thing was me.


I was raised like this. To be kind. To be sensitive. To care. And I'm proud of the person I have become.


But there is a problem.


As someone born as a man, and combined with my unconscious numb and protective posture, I notice a lot of people that I love simply assume that I will be their guard. Their pillar.


And I hate that so much because all I only wanted from the beggining of my life was to have a true hug. Not one from a Mother, in desperate need of motivation. Not one from a father, who admires me as a self accomplishment and not much more.


I wanted a hug from someone who wanted to, maybe, for the first time of my life, take care of me.


I'm sorry I don't want to sound preposterous or delusional. It just hurts so goddam fucking much to not be able to be wrapped up in someone's arm, with them telling you everything will be fine...


I pieced this story together thanks to years of therapy. But therapy itself isn't enough.


Those shady thoughts I mentioned are from my ex.


She used me as tool to personal satifaction (in all of the senses of the word. I do not want to ellaborate), because she noticed my trauma and exploited it. She understood that if she played well enough, I would do anything. Because I loved her so much. Because the child inside me could not bear to see someone else slipping from life.


She made constant threats of suicide. She would give me the silent treatment for days if I didn't make things she demanded. She would confuse me with logical falacies and promisses of love.


I was her little puppy. I never wanted to leave her side. And she was always playing hard. Even when we were on a fully established relationship.


I was honest about everything. Including my pains from her barely talking to me for 2 days because I did not spend my pension money with Ice Cream that she would literally eat alone. After having 2. And other obnoxiously ridiculous things like that. I used every bit of my energy to be there for her. To listen. To understand. To love. To be there. Going as far as not sleeping. It was never enough. ""You barely love me like I do."" said the angel who made fun of me at the point of bringing me to tears after not being able to get an erection. Discussions always started with me objecting something unfair, unthoughtful or unreasonable she did, and ended up with me apologising.


Things didn't work out. But getting away was hard, perhaps because she was the closest of emotional comfort I ever got.


She would later threaten to invade my house after I took a decision to be more respectful with myself.


She hit me. In front of at least 5 friends.


No one did anything, as I would later find out they assumed I was the wrong one, ""because I was the man"".


She was cheating on me with her best friend. Who she is currently dating today.


And here I am. Almost a year later.


I don't think I'll ever be able to give deep relations another go. Any sort of social interaction makes me extremelly nervous.


I started to feel more and more alone, and honestly, I've been taking this for most of my life.


I'm not sure if I want to continue.",2.212226579372114,4.455631134249471,3.5324878947009486,87.85392814112619,79.09513742071881,6.3521153015526615,23.491281911386928,7.4822170145007005,1.0929748937234312,3727,126,742,54,93,1215,362,946,0.13699999999999998,0.722,0.141,0.963,2,2,2,0,2,1,136.0,1,2,4,9,29,61,10,3,43,2,85,27,3,8,14,141,162,54,2,31,32,10,5,5,2,10,13,4,0,9,43,34,1,5,17,2,2,10,27,24,2,7,47,13,135,37,124,83,32,89,1,2,3,10,94,32,3,20,49,548,178,4,0.17468408413178602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373021929857752,0.0904600145985906,0.0,0.0,0.07267557582393137,0.0,0.0,0.029697791845525155,0.045792873299513384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375011719188352,0.0,0.04082650951130265,0.0,0.04103036182255766,0.0,0.0,0.21297159265537347,0.048231211673020656,0.0,0.0,0.04583004228618996,0.0,0.04767744427269479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890510329281379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438571864432632,0.0,0.17433878375742234,0.0,0.04797056597152431,0.056328391505642526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044686356999057215,0.036481534330002896,0.09824804140666177,0.11603868716823885,0.13537151618041166,0.0,0.028844297521052536,0.15801175494975453,0.07358943747190011,0.0,0.11774609334216142,0.0,0.0411691520085216,0.0,0.04416276080324298,0.0,0.04193102872225506,0.0,0.039914522056859685,0.03714654818127285,0.0,0.0,0.06748024503880583,0.08074631047900255,0.09126522413916836,0.08378644544271255,0.04963849530419626,0.0,0.06985540988748333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772362793473456,0.0,0.07824131396561132,0.17246436812249766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02927176485276897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050390494888499435,0.09350146248261962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045476648128037866,0.024000451063840824,0.0,0.0,0.04624130567624084,0.0,0.0,0.27761520294987724,0.10667727484109917,0.13130950759166754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425508078344065,0.2364888090763924,0.1239677280674634,0.0583014913010553,0.0,0.08774682082355413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044095282034585466,0.10229394404816314,0.0,0.0,0.1926193518677851,0.1295260349697263,0.13472713461462793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915924068676426,0.045825390317622346,0.0,0.17755568440099345,0.033213779387131576,0.09293809082994947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055197457978718,0.07626370219232545,0.0,0.0,0.041283230597586436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178726922831194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046886333166004365,0.0,0.0,0.041541141565522036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03480014965710484,0.0,0.04555839923315057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874051194441127,0.04451710632172922,0.18501157201697896,0.06724017112842137,0.0,0.14665839794169244,0.06182114692126245,0.04654749780688,0.0,0.0730218580848406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047769008916510286,0.0,0.04115942049824728,0.0,0.06567034578229959,0.10530333743222016,0.038170397260964266,0.04020640878042034,0.09988323703679296,0.0,0.14506542936641872,0.027982626919369244,0.0,0.06933982519954683,0.05092984711471854,0.0,0.04139502162077362,0.0,0.048520111232856426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045463073036573744,0.0,0.07543548117522055,0.0,0.03603316595149315,0.2060663974589705,0.03466402377724384,0.0,0.0,0.039265492587403084,0.08096694803755773,0.03940630388943542,0.09751427080242632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03179302343133526,0.04435004170076423,0.04450450135227677,0.1861358421540001,0.04774740590779295,0.0,0.08436811720365134
suicidewatch,michaelsj1,2019/01/14,Life What's the point of putting effort into my life if I'm just gonna die one day anyway ,-0.03142857142857025,1.5408489523809552,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,83.28571428571429,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.304638095238095,72,1,18,0,2,24,20,21,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26659414457509195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42902034767361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5839611888087007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801151398792454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907751402898605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155583370205556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Revvi1470,2019/01/14,"I feel no need to go on. I'm 19 and I barely made it through maybe a couple semesters of high school and maybe a semester and a half of college ""unit"" wise, and moving through life trying to decide what I want to do with it is just tiresome at this point. I have goals, but they seem so far out of reach I don't see the point in continuing the pursuit of them. I want to be here for my family just because I know the grief that ending my life would give them, but some days that just doesn't seem like enough reason to stay. I don't want to continue my education, I don't want to work, and I just don't want to live anymore. I'd like to say reaching my goals would help but I just don't feel like it would.

Sorry if I rambled on a bit, I'm bad with words and this is really my first post anywhere on this site, let alone this sub.",4.421333333333333,3.592258466666672,5.196666666666669,89.865,69.8888888888889,8.533333333333333,26.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,0.9901,644,15,158,6,10,210,98,180,0.128,0.782,0.09,-0.8932,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,3,4,7,6,0,0,7,0,15,2,0,2,0,37,32,11,1,10,9,0,2,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,2,0,2,1,4,20,4,24,26,3,20,0,1,1,0,6,11,0,4,8,98,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986803323870284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339304021303509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275865993747965,0.08232343851756728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743642016554734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494270108829302,0.0,0.0870941859821082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961161717577655,0.1395397204589176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731035578733638,0.0,0.13656770946479838,0.09647765157338856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487096611196647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954945218764827,0.07675036027724329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051920226964834,0.14268464077292914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421833617951792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809477561874087,0.1907754743282153,0.1979315261820207,0.0,0.11924903424514754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778479999741668,0.0,0.0,0.27134586051085136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353365991238853,0.0,0.10013568892738894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255326258570567,0.0,0.12933775962805175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651460913064726,0.1388508768251757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739484798718288,0.0,0.13667484151643194,0.10761502771253384,0.24588355537597975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117413492261467,0.0,0.1439422047259447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916880936993408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982712950172917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831587310228317,0.0,0.0,0.2878006848974713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xkillertenzo,2019/01/14,"Why is assisted suicide not a thing? If people really believe that they have the right to life, then they should also have the right to take away their own. 

As harash as it seems, frrom listening to suicidal people, they are going through more pain even after trying every remedy available there is still a noose and a chair waiting for them as described by some people. 

However people should seek all help possible even if this were true.
",9.352874999999996,8.664674537500002,8.435000000000002,70.21000000000002,59.875,11.5,33.75,10.686352973137794,3.615625,353,11,57,7,4,110,62,80,0.14,0.799,0.061,-0.8439,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,2,11,13,8,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,11,10,4,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,4,3,47,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986900053076818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607468175378818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114307688870754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24756060053258966,0.0,0.15789815404676105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650749682906946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561470218352894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323708328773882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994138491448958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196965944296367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127279754668565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005747496644276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200884466808917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060794177335245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966316304784685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099848341110299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090644976865138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245046262064701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272367883834085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910531879859722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilxclurr,2019/01/14,"I wanted to die today. I know that I am too afraid. Too afraid of what everyone in the world will say as I type this, but I wanted to die today.
I have been depressed and anxious my whole life. Anxiety runs my every being, my every thought. I am jealous of people who don’t have to live with anxiety because I see the opportunity that the world gives them. Anxiety makes me think that I don’t deserve those same opportunities, that I am obsolete. I beat myself up in my brain 500 times a day. Every person I encounter, I have to work out in my head how to speak to them without looking like an idiot. I’ve not done anything all day, but I’m exhausted. I keep running. I don’t know what I’m running from.
I wanted to die today. I see the world and the people in it vastly different than myself. I view the thoughts in my head as my crutches and I can’t shake them to be something else because I’ve tried, trust me, I’ve tried to self care. I believe it helped me to an extent but I still think and look and walk terribly different. I am strange, I am creative, I am not strong. I have the emotional capability to love someone but it’s not enough because I have wanted to die for as long as I can remember.. My depression is my enemy. If I didn’t have these feelings, I would be in a much better place. I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself in my basement in high school. I wouldn’t have these thoughts every other day of my life. I would not wish that I didn’t have to see the age 26 in May. I only wish to never wake up.
In the early years past college, I tried my best to be as positive as possible. As my family was beginning to break apart I didn’t know what was going to happen after and how we were going to live financially. Since then, I’ve had to make some adjustments in my adult life. I moved back to New York and I am living on my own in an apartment with awesome roommates, away from my family and their toxic tendencies. I have been through emotional battles with my mother who I used to be the closest to, but our relationship has been hindered since from abusive yelling matches and hurtful words. From almost pushing me down the stairs to fearing the real almost end of my life at a yelling match in a moving car. I moved out so that I could be free. I am free now, at times I feel, mostly and evidently, alone. My positive outlook on life was hard to maintain after awhile. Adjusting to my new independence hasn’t been easy. You may ask why, I simply started to view my life as it was in reality and not in my head. I was free, but I had a lot of learning to do.
Last year was a good year. It had it’s ups and downs, but I realized a lot of things. I’m still afraid of death, even when it’s looking me in the eye and running right towards me. I attended global citizen’s festival in central park in September, and for those who were there know what happened. There was a shooting scare and 60,000 people ran across the entirety of the great lawn. I wrote a blog post about it that gets more in depth, but it was truly traumatizing. Luckily, I was able to get out, but for a moment I thought they would all trample over me and I would die. It sounds dramatic, but if you were there, you know what it was like.
Before this event, I was deeply saddened by the passing of rapper Mac Miller. He was an artist that I noticed was one of kind, someone who I realized was humble and not at all Hollywood. He just wanted to make music and it was beautiful. I learned that he died of an accidental overdose and cocaine laced with fentanyl. I was a mess for weeks. I decided I needed to get out and go to this free festival in central park. I had seen on the news about shootings and traumatic events happening at concerts, clubs, etc. I’d just never been there to really see what it feels like. It felt like I was going to die.
After the festival that night, I was emotionally exhausted. I needed a release. I ended up going to the weeknd’s xo crew after party at Lot 45 in Brooklyn. I ended up meeting someone who I quickly fell for that night. We’re still talking to this day. That night, life hit me in the face. One minute, you could be close to dying. The next minute, you could meet someone who you could fall in love with. This could all happen in the same night, right before your eyes.
I know it sounds crazy. That this day ended up being a significant point in my life. I’m not even sure if I’m explaining this all right. But the fact of the matter is, you really have to look at the world as if anything could happen. Just because you’re finished with the world doesn’t mean it’s finished with you. Yes, I wanted to die then. Yes, I wanted to die today. But tomorrow, I could wake up. And I could see the sun rise.
So, how does this all add up? I’m not quite sure. But this is not a suicide note. I’m too afraid to kill myself, if the day ever comes, I promise I will let you know. But today I am telling you that I am alive. Or at least, I am trying to be. Despite it all, I have to try. For I know that there are people who love me and want to see me succeed, something I know I’m capable of doing but am afraid to. I’m afraid of a lot of things. I’m afraid of my mother, of 60,000 people running at me at 80 miles per hour, afraid of independence, afraid of falling in love, afraid of waking up. But the fears that I instill in my brain are all meant to be just that.
Thanks for reading.
I am alive.",2.302129488884667,4.00899831137184,3.772530495914875,88.78877199315981,76.71660649819495,6.759125973779215,23.93752612578377,7.592821907014133,1.026785776173285,4211,136,899,58,95,1391,394,1108,0.154,0.705,0.14,-0.9243,2,1,3,2,3,3,137.0,2,11,5,9,30,56,5,14,49,2,103,25,11,9,14,171,190,62,14,31,36,2,5,4,0,10,10,7,1,4,63,38,0,1,30,5,4,25,23,26,0,2,43,27,140,34,161,117,25,163,0,3,15,4,50,78,0,16,62,627,203,8,0.03911568818656798,0.04634569425641683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833742293879156,0.04051205628695282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977018319513337,0.044189593812835964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437775700982899,0.0,0.03656788822467152,0.0,0.036750476660997435,0.030077549748132856,0.0,0.09537824183936072,0.0,0.06656913928040606,0.04406998576990295,0.04104950150561844,0.03459464749833548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733208870196545,0.0,0.0,0.03988105103016664,0.0,0.0,0.03369470183299548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498455531556681,0.0,0.0,0.15135829752114532,0.0,0.06738056983662326,0.0,0.40595908766929,0.08173513761024052,0.0,0.0,0.03423040232803674,0.040028929691725834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032676138264397435,0.1319996531465815,0.1385795583277754,0.040416962179268566,0.043624332093231764,0.051671086276773616,0.035382379380162005,0.13182661737192605,0.03737671632825694,0.0,0.0,0.0737495792303942,0.08803204803705737,0.059334201726165374,0.027944255456168226,0.03755719481814673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130899791096694,0.03752333236868344,0.11115173508907288,0.03280838341963718,0.0,0.04312518431620123,0.0,0.0,0.17294936940919015,0.0,0.0350399735110078,0.0,0.12043194286720132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02621842126813673,0.04132787216941465,0.0,0.0,0.03852107360840619,0.0,0.04187415321362672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034767820917530584,0.08655142701416488,0.04073296996203938,0.19347263337345347,0.03188450657340977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03999844133972205,0.2210285388360254,0.07643979775291664,0.0,0.1036196079041038,0.034616153146189106,0.1313893061556423,0.0,0.0,0.13301903722389385,0.14121374306722714,0.0,0.07833007680849219,0.0,0.0,0.042608451592101616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472135858633075,0.028754531525894238,0.058007574314509626,0.06033686027033555,0.07555635079173666,0.04159997814422238,0.14682969437482846,0.0,0.0,0.044533470257443336,0.0,0.0,0.05301160527437094,0.029749243486301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734035040645376,0.13558946532055358,0.03415431016208384,0.04086756880512026,0.0,0.0369769686440606,0.04409706119020749,0.03746201670783286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160434923164469,0.03912627344730926,0.04452221667027839,0.05011702293351,0.0,0.0,0.04199561047472095,0.04431044956768072,0.10021375196051957,0.0,0.031106365234723207,0.03916162766173064,0.039587164731733085,0.18702083495683786,0.0,0.04080619359319935,0.0,0.0,0.06471380295659512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257038266109242,0.06022633557128317,0.0,0.0,0.027686285425795026,0.0,0.0937135173407624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04278621414301136,0.0,0.07373214640137069,0.0,0.0,0.031439708488429065,0.0341888355688067,0.03601247032374457,0.0,0.0,0.05197345028838762,0.050127507135376934,0.0,0.12421394862146208,0.045617344683239205,0.0,0.1853854936174792,0.0,0.0,0.15934190794483566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03378339560263036,0.0,0.0,0.18457157075978345,0.0,0.03137624564132528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035295824532277885,0.04367126895854608,0.08996222199295376,0.03770612756526348,0.0,0.02847668686541935,0.0,0.0,0.11114665041526836,0.0,0.0,0.07556766220181016
suicidewatch,PsychologicalUse1,2019/01/14,"school is tomorrow and I literally just wanna skip and kms that is all. my birthday is in March and I’m not trying to make it to then lolz 

i don’t need help or anything I’m just !!! :) 

I fucking hate myself haha I chose the building I’m gonna jump off of. went to the top and everything it felt so ??? 

idk. l8r sk8rs",-2.1910859728506757,-0.7047804705882346,0.8529411764705905,98.26400452488691,111.05882352941177,3.857013574660634,15.524886877828054,5.873414542411696,-0.5526212669683259,240,7,57,3,13,83,50,68,0.07400000000000001,0.718,0.207,0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,2,1,4,1,0,1,1,13,14,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,11,1,8,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,3,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904830195290365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172471916306725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33892847040787344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32633618033800244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34850733614719503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366036510433217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23562545293191076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617397083259844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35724758612237817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396589583483356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272278869394666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suzymae2point0,2019/01/14,Active and Neutral Spaces? Are there any active spaces that aren't explicitly anti-suicide where one could talk to people and get feedback about if they should kill themselves? I feel like I only get canned responses online and no one irl is gonna tell me to kill myself to my face lol. I want an honest discussion with like-minded people to maybe help me figure out my decision. Help ya girl out? ,4.672938596491228,6.543259013157897,5.18684210526316,80.43622807017546,70.71052631578948,7.171929824561403,23.192982456140356,7.793537801064563,1.2601035087719308,319,8,55,4,6,102,57,76,0.128,0.638,0.234,0.7677,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,6,1,1,0,1,14,11,4,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,10,2,8,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234045551523906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886077099419329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132706285465853,0.16003906453791691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340811379240011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003101385181073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956871882128186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888852513950294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250569793842853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226195111951863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036018523045295,0.17037638042374145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106128374060208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504019072209945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800578134466759,0.1958022918397252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321320833320392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cirnothrowaway9,2019/01/14,"I'm extremely emotionally/mentally unstable. I'm able to love somebody and just throw it all away in a heartbeat, tell them I don't ever want to talk to them again, and then expect forgiveness the next day.
It just keeps happening over and over and over again.
It was ""fine"" up until recently when the (first) person I ever loved decided that I'm ""too much"".
So, here I am, stuck with perpetual thoughts of this person, and I keep trying to apologize/admit to my mistakes almost daily, even after being blocked on social sites (I make a new account), and all I get is ignored or ""you are borderline mental. do not message me ever again"".
I tried to tell them how important they are to me, yet they think I'm lying.

I don't know what issue(s) I have, and I don't know if I want to deal with this anymore, since I know this is how it'll always be for the rest of my life. It's been like that for non-romantic relationships, too.

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suicidewatch,_Btwyourecute_,2019/01/14,"I don't know what to do anymore I think 2019 is my most shitty year so far. We found out my sister is pregnant with a guy that she's having an unconventional relationship. Today I learned that I didn't pass the entrance exam. My father who has a heart disease don't want to go to the hospital because of the news about my sister being pregnant and my mother got an unfair deduction from her work and is having a hard time getting it back. I don't know what to do. I feel so useless for always failing and I think I damaged my brain because im having a hard time remembering, learning, communicating and I have depression. I just want to be gone",3.6563846153846167,5.126048023076926,5.364615384615386,79.75538461538464,72.61538461538461,7.353846153846155,28.384615384615394,7.908726449838941,1.8708307692307693,513,20,98,7,10,175,80,130,0.205,0.795,0.0,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,9,0,16,2,2,0,0,21,28,6,0,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,9,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,4,3,19,0,11,22,1,10,0,4,0,0,10,2,0,1,5,70,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615868956574756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803955199484316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535498501084349,0.0,0.2434592388788092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292090350005628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719933386408363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096963635279617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189505853529581,0.0,0.0,0.10433016783126002,0.0,0.11348884736383225,0.0,0.15971092398500536,0.0,0.0,0.19772522435645906,0.0,0.0,0.3577673530905075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366344840925758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570026240088971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948961270927947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143931187082792,0.2262106769444245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25590752143712914,0.0,0.0,0.23288254851580836,0.0,0.18928346887039385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355655402598284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537723439527908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859428711557086
suicidewatch,itsyaboii11_,2019/01/14,"I have a plan Once my mom passes and my boyfriend eventually leaves me, I’m done. 
I feel like a car that has been running on empty for the past 23 years and there’s no place to refill in sight.
I’m sputtering to a stop and I can see the end isn’t far.
Maybe hanging, maybe pills, idk yet. But when those people exit my life, there will be nothing else.

What’s your plan ",0.06990154711673567,2.1894708987341787,1.5751054852320685,99.40403656821381,86.84810126582278,4.523769338959212,16.372714486638532,5.82211442006289,-0.7884947960618844,287,6,69,2,9,92,62,79,0.104,0.862,0.034,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,0,6,12,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,5,8,0,15,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,7,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929900284247145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035060329814627,0.0,0.21576735857994792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317722406189845,0.17403600531038016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579492570934919,0.0,0.0,0.1720699090504895,0.1190162059293166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894807123792178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853146822576053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337516715657011,0.0,0.0,0.259438149351343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325546097237167,0.16888944451265192,0.0,0.2545220227014596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412671462269754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036700063840226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687772967477978
suicidewatch,hashslingingbutthole,2019/01/14,"This is the most thorough I’ve been with suicide planning yet I attempted twice a couple of years ago, one of them turned out very serious but unsuccessful. In the more recent past I’ve talked myself out of it last minute but this time I planned every little detail way more thoroughly and I’m fully prepared. I’m only 23 and I know it’s possible that I could figure out how to manage my mental health and feel good for the majority of my life but literally 70 years of happiness wouldn’t be worth one more day of suffering for me anymore. I’ve felt entirely numb and hopeless or overwhelmingly sad with few feelings in between for almost 9 years of my life now and no matter how much effort I’ve put into helping myself; no meds, no therapy, nothing has made me feel any different. I feel as numb as ever. I can’t do it anymore. I’m committed this time. ",3.5922521008403336,5.420349905882354,5.1104201680672245,80.05117647058826,73.47058823529412,8.151260504201678,27.43697478991597,8.841846274778883,2.2703445378151264,684,26,128,14,14,230,109,170,0.198,0.695,0.107,-0.9554,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,4,5,9,0,1,4,0,8,5,0,3,2,32,19,13,1,2,4,0,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,7,0,1,1,5,7,0,3,3,5,14,2,22,13,7,22,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,3,13,81,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315554031369772,0.0,0.14860992635412804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092303971563384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943632043999045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849231140581795,0.1642114600111053,0.0,0.0957113667341284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505555742232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424421168483244,0.12504077338913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001596944096914,0.0,0.14249567439443067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447821898863932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798387490541188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775156222360318,0.0,0.0,0.09947525735748712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156156823067333,0.12097293977654636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965097935534,0.0,0.14874455670695494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042794840648154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648486658114147,0.0,0.14956111472342726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909750798796224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240219902515727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011312208187863,0.1128715425587732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416729454650612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730856773347166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919178535369448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465357372770794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623350856903477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192853322916004,0.0,0.0,0.1697183405221633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307667215818234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142610425474366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245276205444636,0.0,0.11779995854815015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867111092827039
suicidewatch,frangipanibottle,2019/01/14,"Had an attempt the other night My mom had been yelling at me and I just felt overwhelmed. I’ve been planning to kill myself since I was nine but I’ve never come as close as I did the other night. I overdosed on a variety of medications but all it did was make me pass out and throw up a lot. My parents are divorced and I feel like if I was dead then my family would be back together again. I’ve been self harming for a while now and the only thing stopping me from ending it all is my kitten, but even he would be better off without me",3.0889473684210533,3.8370822368421074,4.45872807017544,88.47651315789473,73.12280701754386,7.1035087719298255,25.653508771929822,7.1686216300943375,0.9979508771929826,421,13,93,4,8,140,76,114,0.131,0.8,0.069,-0.8555,1,0,0,0,2,1,5.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,1,7,0,16,1,0,1,3,23,20,12,2,3,6,2,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,11,3,15,2,12,5,3,19,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,11,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161319989210706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554730049199236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807204703067349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581677232242727,0.0,0.0,0.13856812058289475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777677080361,0.0,0.10607903970951008,0.14987813257528113,0.2014368295816359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321079241663135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249561094595608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836085244202074,0.0,0.0,0.14004029862177805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134715616065916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457102580400876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180742329954326,0.0,0.0,0.393758216854566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955912893252425,0.0,0.0,0.23295336337823155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188627320147163,0.0,0.0,0.1735452203082092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539864905536434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937898050166694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223562567238085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29806577656662786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kamigite,2019/01/14,"2019 this year im trying to have 0 attempts  
can anyone give any tips on how to avoid dark thoughts ",-0.21142857142857352,2.091881190476194,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,94.23809523809523,2.8000000000000003,16.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.2722190476190471,79,2,18,0,3,24,20,21,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190057775161066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280073662370226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500058508186826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50671118458346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724149755926274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184897961231893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302086621637451
suicidewatch,Nooduru,2019/01/14,"Tuesday will be my final day I’ve been contemplating it for a long while now. 
I started off as a happy kid. Somehow over the years my mind turned into this negative shithole that cannot look at anything in a positive light anymore. I’m too selfish, I’m too paranoid.

I continue to make horrible mistakes that hurt the people I truly love and care about. This is something I cannot live with. I’ve made them suffer. I never ever mean to hurt them. I try my hardest to make a change but I always end up falling back and hurting them harder unwillingly. I try everything. But all I do is make these people suffer. I don’t want to. I really don’t.

I feel at this point nothing will work.No matter how hard I try to fix things, I end up failing and hurting my people more. No matter how hard I try to pick myself back up, things get shittier. It’s like I won’t ever be able to bring myself back up.

My life is going to go nowhere. I do art occasionally when I can bring myself to, I wanted to make a career out of it but I know I’ll never reach that with how lazy I am and how easily and oftenly I give up on it.

I believe there is no other option now now.

Tomorrow I’d like to just go say my final apologies to everyone (like they’d even matter at this point), and then head over to the highway bridge near my house and end it all.

I just don’t want to bring my loved ones more sadness by killing myself. But I feel at this point I will hurt them even more if I continue to live and be my shitty self.

It feels weird to not be posting this on a throwaway because it’s not like it matters now",1.8148482345653527,3.459627497005989,3.775376832541813,88.50847305389223,77.92215568862275,6.40330373735288,23.193888085897175,7.237678284180719,0.8299043155069175,1240,39,266,15,29,421,159,334,0.221,0.688,0.091,-0.9912,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,5,1,24,21,1,0,9,0,23,4,1,10,6,54,52,21,1,5,9,0,5,4,0,4,1,1,0,2,21,12,0,0,5,1,0,7,13,13,0,1,2,8,45,8,41,41,5,56,0,9,1,2,12,21,0,4,31,189,66,2,0.08707936068812455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724570038746616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635932688039574,0.0,0.0,0.07165889420394225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008759598430428,0.0,0.05308277003407612,0.0,0.0,0.09810861994997934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878321175670686,0.0,0.09211841729685794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615898374807005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137940113826005,0.0,0.0,0.11503019293899218,0.15753653425978606,0.0,0.08320806084152324,0.07826131447689569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208982361785288,0.0,0.0,0.19078236645663335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549537189147421,0.08353445752937055,0.14846762227114718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269759868664104,0.1560120060940232,0.0,0.08936854646218252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047789073533098,0.4661012831740651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634041072076092,0.0,0.04785653931217161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061506727696665826,0.17017030833524366,0.0,0.15378534171091598,0.07706249398131422,0.07312473148061889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718504565252475,0.08239659657396108,0.2325045977665621,0.0,0.0,0.09485495197871027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792533075966817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432194246997134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355499512360058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590072284338411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811095931613376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469544271611709,0.0,0.0833979565806573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578526825127859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924900272881186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084276450060884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703794617036424,0.0,0.0,0.06163521969006432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570331582259992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648467947151325,0.09471733896078467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408498924688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339481169113499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607625327416528
suicidewatch,wanderer-of-reddit,2019/01/14,"I’ve had it with life I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t have any friends, I never felt a hug before or kiss from anyone I’ve just been thrown around and toyed with my family hates me my parents are dead and I’m alone living with my aunt who’s saying she’s gonna kick me out next year I have anxiety, and have clinical depression I’m on pills that I take daily but honestly they feel like placebos idk why I’m wasting my time living if no one needs me all I ever really do is comment or try to help depressed people as I think maybe I’ll make a friend like that it never works or I fuck it up as I don’t know how to communicate properly and have shitty social skills just got fired from my job because I accidentally tripped and fell on the customers food at McDonald’s everyone laughed... I don’t know what to do I just wanna be liked I see all these people at school who have friends and talk and laugh I just envy people who have emotional support and love and trust I wish I had someone like that but I just have bad luck I’ve lying to people and pretending I like what they like so they’ll think I’m like them and wanna talk to me more but then they find out I don’t as they question me afterwards and I’m just dumbfounded and stutter like a bitch I just need a friend who’ll be there when I need them and hug them and talk and hangout to socially interact with but I don’t think anyone would care enough for me as I’m asking for too much...this will be official my 4th year with depression... I’ll leave this for a bit like until tomorrow morning and see what you guys have to say about it and if you guys don’t comment that’s fine but good night I’ll be here as I can’t sleep..",2.285219089350349,3.6428666436464106,3.6860106686988026,90.86886740331495,75.93370165745856,7.2030481996570765,22.70375309582778,7.873277556716777,0.8517305010478187,1343,37,305,20,29,442,172,362,0.154,0.613,0.233,0.9893,2,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,8,2,16,34,3,0,6,0,32,10,1,2,5,68,62,38,1,9,17,2,3,9,4,5,3,2,0,2,18,26,1,0,10,3,0,2,11,8,0,1,5,7,46,26,35,48,5,23,0,3,2,5,37,8,2,7,22,186,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932364979259548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061218608466903426,0.0,0.06886721523094845,0.0,0.0892784532055136,0.12589210568081724,0.0,0.0,0.08013940078984723,0.08415918980923644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516529917491649,0.05487707896414983,0.0,0.07660279414709784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828160991951004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917842704729988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326095835023774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126356213283276,0.0,0.09301764353083174,0.0,0.0,0.08143079971865712,0.0,0.08602066776701375,0.0,0.0,0.08486550821130744,0.0,0.04551824553983826,0.06431232464298471,0.08643603010332912,0.0,0.08227923175745,0.0,0.10885595813056273,0.0,0.2782056471921713,0.08322465171944952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550687506435172,0.07199947742648867,0.0,0.0,0.1782735015550578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887890286171192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060340402443993225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933376372332813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842257205675746,0.0,0.0,0.09532117411007897,0.0,0.0,0.06358578405892601,0.3958254485252428,0.0,0.15898360871486472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124911488906654,0.0,0.06009093517054999,0.0,0.09044002827136287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066177135023365,0.20025235366809555,0.13886230576909833,0.0,0.0957402963821586,0.08448032357380111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100179648011625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995969441860328,0.0,0.0,0.2496419695430275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084616743709224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767092728763956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431795284420212,0.0,0.09110790566297086,0.14347307352206082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900878390737714,0.1835338678488377,0.07627604805143355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021568357466833,0.0,0.0,0.06768596142171644,0.2170708117981728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730489751725854,0.0,0.0,0.05249303359005464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111958937353412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123159800847816,0.0,0.10352180675363118,0.0,0.0,0.0655376892513061,0.0,0.0,0.06394963247186147,0.0,0.0,0.11594349642886312
suicidewatch,KoiPond223,2019/01/14,"Were you suicidal as a child? I remember writing my first suicide letter when i was around 11 years old. I wrote it in a journal i received from my aunt, and I hid it next to my box full of barbie dolls and plastic ponies. Have any of you experienced something similar as a kid, or am I incredibly messed up?",4.62822580645161,5.145889080645162,6.061451612903228,79.21217741935486,69.48387096774194,9.425806451612903,33.24193548387097,9.516144504307137,2.9938580645161283,241,11,49,5,4,82,48,62,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.9253,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,11,0,9,2,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241331032619544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649730499869235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531823181896234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165558774959858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31233530760225786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371812647715753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291467610756797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6511651287803963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916778861091507
suicidewatch,drauch52,2019/01/14,"I’m close to attempting again kinda idk I’m not even human anymore I can’t think clearly, I can’t write, I’m forgetting the English language,’I’ve lost my personality, I’ve lost thousands of dollars to school I didn’t finish, i have no friends, close to being homeless, I completely disconnected from everyone and everything around me, I’m getting thoughts that resemble delusions and psychosis, I live in this fantasy world of numb and disassociating, part of me feels like I’m already dead in a hell ",4.16021739130435,7.1868711086956525,5.056695652173914,75.19482608695655,77.04347826086956,8.027826086956521,34.2,8.841846274778883,3.6275878260869554,410,23,67,10,10,133,64,92,0.205,0.706,0.08900000000000001,-0.8722,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,14,16,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,1,1,0,5,4,0,1,4,1,9,2,10,11,1,8,1,2,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26251257639331604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359185048150443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176853912996255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494184319487186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712113622850382,0.0,0.0,0.2273097997796882,0.21379615802031604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028206184131687,0.1699454563356578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837897554228275,0.0,0.12428536094898066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621884443925445,0.0,0.21005726416300965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193602718517087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576068262533839,0.0,0.0,0.20771245222222287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075283687274696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242742982458246,0.0,0.1888545233817344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodbye124,2019/01/14,"I dont think i will do it anytime soon. I got a job, a car, and money. I feel so much better, in general. I still dont get enough sleep, i still hate my brothers, but i feel better.",-0.9113414634146366,0.5297060975609753,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,85.58536585365854,5.0756097560975615,17.567073170731707,5.985473137389443,-0.5316878048780485,134,3,35,1,4,48,28,41,0.066,0.7559999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.6132,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,10,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,8,2,1,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41589282485173096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511227584330199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429440070674279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776962189892414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122841605922071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804864205094726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213442079753266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23332242896656946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284181525722594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352919272285496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755376652367646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065676378340245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatbender,2019/01/14,"I just can't carry on. I can't keep doing this anymore. All I feel is a pain deep in my chest that makes my whole body shake sometimes. It's painful to keep the shaking at a minimum. All I want to do it hurt myself. Cut, or burn myself. I'm meant to be going to a lecture at half 9, and it's currently 5:25 and I still haven't slept. I just don't want to do this. It's killing me having so much pain inside me and I'm not even sure of the cause. I just don't want this. ",-1.2300000000000004,0.5112237777777793,1.3588888888888917,101.35000000000002,89.0,4.340740740740742,16.407407407407412,5.46131890053228,-0.9275148148148148,360,8,95,2,12,123,64,108,0.237,0.726,0.037000000000000005,-0.9677,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,2,5,0,11,6,3,2,3,20,23,5,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,8,0,1,2,1,13,1,10,20,4,10,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783698363973056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038414910705572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456915984813308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250989629590401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957678995971652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764214799944173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027599386532483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367003602619271,0.20954647061414847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264280417195852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923307340567115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046147652096902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732451148862211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125756239220833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785101826996376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33514457152242405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146180006961374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lif77,2019/01/14,I desperately need someone to talk to Please,4.353750000000002,7.6950968750000035,5.230000000000004,71.81500000000003,80.25,8.200000000000001,33.0,8.841846274778883,3.67135,37,2,6,1,1,12,7,8,0.263,0.505,0.232,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198724609105341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6215802464745102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797877990033534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551360035078932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DokiDokiSpitSwap,2019/01/14,"I wasted my parents' hard work to get me a good education to do things I don't even enjoy anymore My parents worked really hard and long hours to get me into a full private school education since kindergarten. I've always been told that if I applied myself I'd end up doing great things. Instead, I ended up just playing games and pursuing really trivial things. Looking back on my highschool career, I feel nothing but huge regret. It really fucking sucks being the B- student trying to hang out with the best in AP classes in a super competitive environment. Every one of my peers did super well in school and are getting accepted into every dream school, while I'm sitting here getting rejected and deferred from what I thought were safety schools or matches. Had I just applied myself a little bit I could be a 1600 4.0 like the rest of them, but instead I spent my time playing games that leave me frustrated and pissed. It pains me to know that I wasted a big opportunity in my life and there's no going back. My parents told me there's no shame in going to a community college, but I feel like all of their effort would go to waste if I were to do that

I wish I could start over and set my priorities straight but instead I feel like an rpg character who rolled the wrong stats for his class.",7.681712454212452,6.915587067460319,7.843809523809526,73.35247252747254,63.24603174603176,10.134798534798533,35.65445665445665,9.265573868473778,3.1885680097680105,1039,41,188,15,13,339,150,252,0.183,0.617,0.2,0.7084,3,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,7,12,23,4,1,12,0,15,4,1,0,1,32,36,15,0,7,9,3,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,6,5,1,4,3,9,1,1,9,6,33,14,26,22,5,32,0,2,1,1,11,17,3,3,12,131,44,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755676684612586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435628088811164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618251619621976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042858020751092,0.0,0.1148799393655132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802938339192974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639865662955307,0.0,0.0,0.06950102298493123,0.0,0.17731550513406494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961683854966394,0.1503474752090857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728008068932106,0.21990573478143005,0.0,0.17940770791296026,0.08825888420199936,0.0,0.1160124410907526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885243125205687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362677524995263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057829659391748285,0.0,0.0,0.11141952915691504,0.0,0.0,0.07432449492006095,0.1542248631700533,0.1054644636848075,0.0,0.09312202350755036,0.08836364633582512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096753709995224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130410955378526,0.0,0.11196827349034086,0.0,0.35052428353205456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022321155112184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259788046554281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704433815532832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744797641543098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972316763871354,0.0,0.0,0.08353798149265802,0.06135834080125524,0.0,0.0,0.201096606076124,0.0,0.07144179594765503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461114110475193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100512896161572,0.0,0.0,0.15321209682079706,0.0,0.0,0.0747497920193911,0.11504851359428307,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ryunan,2019/01/14,"I'm planning to walk far away from here until I am dead. By the end of the month, I'll be walking far on the ice. keep walking until the cold weather (or the wolves) kills me. nobody will notice I am missing. ",1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,79.9090909090909,4.4,22.363636363636363,3.1291,-0.16307272727272748,160,5,35,0,4,53,33,44,0.213,0.787,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,8,5,0,11,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39651002521026457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737923229747452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751186597028986,0.4669124270678161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33685942571827976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804826772007417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiserablePenguin,2019/01/14,"Can't stop thinking about suicide. These days I feel like I should just kill myself. The last semester of 2018 was pretty bad and I thought that somehow I would manage to make 2019 a better year. 14 days into it and I can't take it anymore. I can't talk to my family about any of this, they see it as drama. I wish it was. I have been dating a guy for one year and 4 months now and I feel like we're going to break up any time soon because I'm shitty and I don't deserve his love. I have to pay rent but can't find a job. I feel like the ugliest thing on earth. I feel disgusted by my image in the mirror. I hate my stretch marks, my nose, my teeth, my asymmetric face, everything. Actually one of these days I thought that maybe there's something in me that I like and I checked and checked but no, I don't like anything about me. I'm dumb, I think I know English (not a native speaker) but I stumble on a lot of words and feel ashamed about it. Even if I did know English, it's not an accomplishment at the age of 21. I had so many plans for myself 6 years ago, now I can't even get out of bed without an enormous amount of effort. I feel sorry for my mother for having to deal with me, she sometimes says horrible things to me, just the thought of her words makes me wanna cry. But I love her immensely, she'll never know how much because I'm a horrible human being. She says bad things happen because of me, specially her broken relationship with my sister, I barely receive any loving gestures from her. It hurts me profoundly. I feel sorry for my boyfriend too, I wish I had a better appearance so he wouldn't have to have sex with such thing as me. I also wish I was normal. He'd be happier with anyone else. My mom too. I can't express how awful it must be to them and how badly I wish I could be a normal person. 
I created this account so I would talk about it. There's much more to what I've said, but the most important thing of all is how desperately I have been thinking about suicide and can't get my mind out of it. I'm unworthy, I'm a nothing. I mean nothing. I shouldn't be allowed to waste any more space in this world.",1.7452974358974345,3.3642810955555547,3.4371111111111112,90.97146153846157,78.04444444444445,6.304273504273505,23.31623931623932,7.116496586553881,0.7174085470085467,1663,53,369,19,39,554,210,450,0.199,0.691,0.11,-0.9937,3,0,1,0,0,4,48.0,0,0,2,5,27,20,4,1,17,1,38,7,3,7,3,77,78,26,3,15,11,3,7,5,0,7,0,4,2,3,24,17,0,1,18,1,5,3,16,9,0,2,12,13,72,11,52,52,8,35,0,1,1,4,30,14,1,5,22,251,96,4,0.0,0.0,0.0747684510976231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791753878135612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127166175526495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841240421518745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598480896226817,0.0535733273626195,0.07850454743175454,0.06305036853836332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191919349854228,0.14011749347514613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355253973133485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117351293293359,0.0,0.08416165280647861,0.14823747957839584,0.07899014802850238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400479468914155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121138678474743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885962691555964,0.0,0.07222895555860452,0.0,0.2711837567992316,0.16420848009096456,0.0,0.0,0.07002777806040575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005984452909788,0.0,0.04354397038079219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758642061568508,0.0677533482756295,0.0,0.0,0.07564475203414585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202152156211225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603188369283127,0.0,0.08476684532409506,0.0,0.12632231382257755,0.06245417620904136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871592628873166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513817589438764,0.2074531396389995,0.0,0.1022866787081902,0.07767897476165203,0.07697342442663689,0.0834598376989387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736268567691053,0.08973447809952208,0.06115603093956106,0.0,0.11264659684113056,0.0,0.059092790013040776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501394183731769,0.14703473432818734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383714514468173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690018238952229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794840030899929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225942749202783,0.0,0.0,0.07288159025885993,0.12185996425062093,0.0,0.0,0.061054900098392276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898454419443016,0.07577750102031812,0.1715359258154261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405636605443019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761606463961304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057607459172903226,0.12316584478900144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545091151896478,0.14728182274100082,0.0,0.18247921957717755,0.04467677234515413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352429255981676,0.07385734917050406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885494611776188,0.0,0.0,0.14801910388643205
suicidewatch,KoreanGirl02,2019/01/14,Idk Lol my mom is hella abusive and she beats the crap out of me every day the middle finger on my right hand is broken and now I can't do my homework and i can't write anything i can barely type but she wont take me to the hospital because it's broken weird that's what happens when your mom tries to kill you with a broomhandle why am i even here noone loves me i should just end it i dont know why i dont i cant even text a hotline because my parents track my phone noone cares im going to hell anyways maybe cutting would help but if my parents found out they'd beat me to death,0.3448461538461558,2.181783484615387,2.106923076923078,97.76807692307692,83.38461538461539,4.307692307692308,20.0,4.713530739802397,-0.4989230769230768,463,13,109,1,13,152,85,130,0.234,0.652,0.114,-0.9548,2,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,1,2,7,7,4,0,5,1,14,4,3,0,0,15,21,7,2,3,4,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,2,23,2,9,16,0,12,1,0,0,1,13,5,2,1,6,67,27,2,0.0,0.1948775373585932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534999257248526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005264694537774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676945644406911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607361608939583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855300313598913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567719552188632,0.0,0.0,0.2172701090752752,0.0,0.13857838880144485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033978939498024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347567990868608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544586175238092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024500662124023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776626439756302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819686728401651,0.0,0.09039188104148738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844629545235544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523856507016227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852653434333576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652629656643298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046187393001086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236657192008001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166862106077187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968285824281933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683925479002295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EnderCjh,2019/01/15,"Why though? Again? Hey, I’m just gonna cut to the chase. Why am I suicidal again. Everything is good in my life, I haven’t got anything wrong and yet I’m still broken. On antidepressants and it works but then it doesn’t. I hate having BPD and Everything else. Now all I wanna do is die again. 

Ps. Think I’ve had 6 OD’s",-1.7628260869565189,0.016529130434783212,0.6756884057971035,100.4596195652174,105.52173913043478,4.6188405797101435,12.996376811594205,6.42735559955562,-0.7428753623188404,246,5,61,4,12,82,53,69,0.269,0.703,0.027000000000000003,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,8,14,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,4,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247932583774735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29458818149963345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427507112444503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539298528688973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204275049742564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961837695424508,0.18707076507373424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309272921352843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652101056408549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679241068598712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25584804553345825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498733293530422,0.22980503161889665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221157633573988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028159241744645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557323410697623,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twcatatonic,2019/01/15,"Absolutely terrified right now So I may have to leave my current place in which case I have a friend who says I can stay with him and for as long as I need. Even with his assurances, I can't help but be terrified I may have to move back in with my parents.

My parents have another kid, who I refuse to associate with and who lives with them. Certain prior knowledge coming to light had left me suicidal for the first time in 2 years at that point, almost 3 years ago. My mom likes to pretend this stuff isn't happening and is trying to force me to forget it for her comfort, pretty much saying my safety and health is unimportant. I've had discussions with her about all of this and how absolutely dangerous it is for me, and she won't let up because, as she puts it, ""do you know how uncomfortable it is for me when people ask how are your kids?""

I realize my current predicament is at least partly my fault, but her pushing unsafe situations, be they physical or mental (and therefore possibly leading to self-harm or worse) on me, if I have to move back there, I'm not going to survive. Straight up, I will not live through it. I'd honestly wager weeks, if not days.

Right now the only thing keeping me going is my cat, and the thought that I may have to give him up also terrifies me. He is seriously the reason I've survived my friend's suicide.

I'm so scared I'm not going to make it but with what's happening, I wonder if it might be better to just not be here.",6.12034090909091,5.4119632457912505,6.826479377104378,79.18194128787881,66.37373737373737,10.25328282828283,32.367213804713806,9.673873057562805,2.7668991582491573,1152,41,238,21,16,382,164,297,0.16699999999999998,0.728,0.105,-0.9717,5,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,2,2,5,17,12,1,1,5,0,31,1,0,7,3,54,48,26,2,4,14,3,0,1,2,6,1,2,0,2,18,16,0,2,6,1,1,9,8,4,0,1,3,3,40,8,40,34,4,41,0,0,0,0,30,15,0,11,17,175,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218554699721798,0.0,0.115432633336247,0.0,0.0,0.092186471774931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087732551498752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776784517452208,0.0,0.0,0.1772808265312337,0.0,0.07027140545012073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195258179969112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930038584754944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434372234331453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613895546363249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805402178844283,0.0,0.0,0.17812447565882555,0.0,0.0,0.11058359860146763,0.1965426535603501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038770273088501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225333911880478,0.0,0.0,0.0772673211694695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246293465664308,0.0,0.0,0.06335287844410592,0.0,0.0,0.12206103167857782,0.12524811375307707,0.11787789896527695,0.0,0.05631821175176775,0.0,0.2035822940799029,0.10201596028395113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694787238958603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617146808948806,0.12229001203955416,0.0,0.13501029179853988,0.0,0.2450410768323493,0.08474139612628179,0.08547596800323316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767287425495418,0.0,0.0,0.25600153462062697,0.12483307556221634,0.0,0.07991812059906234,0.0,0.12043927176188175,0.0,0.10897343066061277,0.12995678705316854,0.0,0.1172775113181768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588459181707085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852330804190787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689078095487508,0.0,0.1833447932219444,0.11541175691365972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025839518800885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295754702402238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228692728562676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319638644984259,0.2521872782501602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765844982550259,0.0,0.0,0.09151656161622668,0.06721857861864937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782650885740169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246775098570764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250123063573953,0.0,0.0,0.11747646979161115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484684061296317
suicidewatch,silencedalarms,2019/01/15,"life is pain 11 months since i last posted a suicide note on here and im still thinking of killing myself, theres SO many problems in my life that would take way too much effort (that i dont have) to solve. also my abusive older brother has begged my dad to stay at our house for a month -- as if severe depression and anxiety wasn't enough i now have my ultimate trigger shoved in my face..

I just don't know how to fix myself - i dont have a job, too anxious to go back to school, healing from 2 broken ankles so cant do much activity, financially unstable got a bed bug outbreak in my block, have an infected tooth, recently started suffering from what seems like **Trigeminal neuralgia**  and i cant afford to see a therapist (or afford to solve anything in the list for that matter) all i ever feel is pain.

im only 23 and have completly failed at life. im home all day weekdays doing nothing and the only thing i look forward to is blacking myself out with alcohol on weekends, nothing good awaits me so what the fuck am I waiting for? like is it really so wrong to wanna die to escape constant stress and pain? why is being a human on earth so fucking special, i didnt ask for this - i was literally a accident..",2.289675694939416,4.399484581967215,4.167883107626516,84.07619030648611,78.18032786885246,7.030363506771204,26.182466143977187,8.04050195162591,1.7875444048467577,954,38,185,17,23,323,153,244,0.281,0.682,0.037000000000000005,-0.9964,3,0,1,0,0,3,29.0,1,0,0,2,16,16,3,1,11,0,24,13,2,2,3,26,38,16,3,4,3,2,1,2,0,1,9,0,2,1,8,8,1,2,4,1,0,2,7,12,0,0,4,4,22,4,30,32,5,28,0,3,3,2,5,11,2,3,16,124,30,3,0.0,0.1271300237215531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466842478386778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580579333879662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208231424148855,0.12121566414756665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882967221347296,0.0,0.10030870336581328,0.0,0.0,0.08250517495348345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124994153271385,0.11595050822115645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919802822047094,0.0,0.09241520252461917,0.0,0.11135789262285403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515038043710833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086702752094632,0.0,0.0,0.0970567558021248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054252853430948635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983896689350776,0.0,0.0,0.060979657097742765,0.08999607470173554,0.08581563391992864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762816778861027,0.0,0.0,0.12380693977347425,0.0,0.0,0.3476992235615364,0.0,0.106476238972675,0.0,0.11870881584562284,0.0,0.05896791460318285,0.08746180507300033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22736224882536105,0.104840303479255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010289885781844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878285106401864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712877242723099,0.0,0.1577520558766016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059097414034997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320920813859907,0.3425164003500783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027613708055438,0.0,0.0,0.10266924220719102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873754311608563,0.0,0.10594336314906244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859082536491399,0.08550223692461477,0.097679638497064,0.0,0.12121566414756665,0.0,0.08875762287070245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594574165766609,0.1143648870751134,0.08568794342681768,0.0,0.12290895431769397,0.0,0.0,0.11736607911970955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067438673863864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458069845823852,0.07128370902695938,0.06875192262699195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516778240800695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681932878670796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622108445331924,0.1173130016017151,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,28293948,2019/01/15,"Goodbye People say that it gets better but it fucking doesn't, not for me at least. I'm so tired of failure and rejection. I'm going to take my shotgun and go out into the woods and just blow my fucking brains out. It's not like I matter in any way. If anything I'm just a detriment to society and I'll be nothing but a statistic when I die. I give zero fucks about how my family will feel once I do this.. They are honestly the ones who drove me to do it in the first place. All I've ever wanted is someone to talk to about this shit but people only seem to care themselves. They say ""oh you can talk to me!"" and then they promptly ignore you and don't respond. Fucking hell. Also it seems like everyone around me is in a happy relationship but I get to come home to a cold and empty apartment. It's pretty much what I deserve anyways. So yeah, if my parents or whoever open up my phone and find this post after I'm gone then you can just throw my body in a dumpster for all I care. It's kinda funny though Dad, all those times you told me to kill myself.. Well your wish has come true! I hope you're happy :) and to the Redditors reading this I hope that you keep trying and I hope you find what you're looking for. Goodbye",1.426306744487679,3.2854332957198444,3.1411138132295733,91.61506890402077,79.85603112840468,5.528469520103762,21.992380025940342,6.42735559955562,0.3602193255512325,955,29,206,8,24,317,145,257,0.159,0.63,0.211,0.9554,1,0,0,1,0,1,26.0,0,7,3,2,15,22,7,0,9,1,12,8,3,1,5,49,43,25,2,7,12,2,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,17,17,0,2,5,1,0,7,4,9,1,3,3,5,32,13,28,38,5,29,1,1,1,4,22,13,6,9,9,139,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627994281119646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733691963042164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878463609235146,0.0960453622762652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542032315335093,0.0,0.11984195240734767,0.0,0.12044140825541876,0.0,0.0,0.220002980355668,0.0,0.0,0.1858761149461015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119732390229066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759307634373103,0.0,0.10309393528652104,0.0,0.0,0.10170950120139924,0.0,0.05455264626345471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721980808616765,0.09177154987523099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989718787976361,0.11273659975200999,0.103498337440283,0.12263324240277695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970275099711174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082229043091484,0.321478641323402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589797691819887,0.1193647823044396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054196346950932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060079346717707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931188460457825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352378330921776,0.0,0.0,0.11489979333920555,0.07310935176318449,0.08205553842302178,0.0,0.0,0.11979956137475654,0.0,0.0,0.14959528751029827,0.0,0.11272254247030578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332921416267177,0.10976336087876397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791963283650334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583395155892053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159761046654762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643880198318606,0.0,0.0,0.11074798228303487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141521643408478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112018085602732,0.1734364915241524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060018057299002,0.0,0.06291178095226893,0.1240041850326708,0.0,0.10309393528652104,0.0,0.0732505240331339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363657458739648,0.08563840633120492,0.0,0.0,0.09700645922134507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406867701967725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lady509,2019/01/15,"Today pushed me close to the edge My grandpa died and all of my self worth went out the door so I started pushing hate on the ones I love and making people close to me not realize that I was worth it
I broke...

I went to a place I haven’t been since high school

The closest thing to me that brings me happiness was trying to walk away forever

I have never felt so lost 

Why do I hurt the loves I love

And why when I need them the most they turn away

I am horrible 

I hate life

I hate me 
",-0.2617295597484244,1.7619928584905722,1.5474528301886783,99.70124213836479,87.39622641509433,5.0427672955974865,16.38050314465409,6.42735559955562,-0.5579723270440247,377,8,93,4,12,123,66,106,0.207,0.635,0.159,-0.7834,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,1,5,10,3,0,7,0,7,4,0,1,2,14,22,6,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,2,6,3,6,0,1,7,1,22,4,10,15,2,19,0,3,0,3,7,9,0,1,4,61,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855027126801093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768832311463532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588492416230353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174151045207905,0.0,0.4500238611644726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053151803316548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626534594905098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731875670536786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585897680140638,0.0,0.41139167137857374,0.0,0.10142022383163504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266057836170693,0.11718444797794615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295755650308698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533512399567607,0.0,0.15874354314002212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377001803923535,0.0,0.0,0.1585051409329382,0.0,0.0,0.1256852153400922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075429533338428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009412828951641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402006756963487,0.0,0.0,0.1031563648854546,0.1652656129885989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816972880000697,0.2742019850028521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KitKatMahGamblin,2019/01/15,"Why am I like this I know it's just a panic attack and possibly a depressive episode but that voice is there just screaming! Noone actually likes you. Everyone in your field of work is advancing way past you. Youll never be beautiful or special. You're. It going to be happy in the life you're choosing. Just end it now so you dont have to deal with the heartbreak, now or later. I have noone to talk to about this. I just need a friend ",-0.018128205128206787,2.33424325555556,1.9255555555555581,93.58807692307691,94.22222222222223,5.435897435897436,19.145299145299145,7.010146845296331,0.4690940170940166,343,11,74,6,13,113,62,90,0.182,0.642,0.17600000000000002,0.2437,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,2,9,10,1,1,5,0,9,1,0,0,1,13,12,5,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,0,2,9,5,9,9,0,13,0,2,0,0,8,2,0,2,10,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.2284002680393009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662670976624804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412965725158313,0.2015880077907587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743063342930889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072999467914524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364600954378736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082742334550655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301672510886725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24915191906759465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862845185308652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531732707549346,0.2286912470806021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354604407753998,0.18051476097246186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27460872514556084,0.0,0.0,0.22342841168892932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638576294713805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881215375611088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857789964699068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111948583410989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039210524933834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway198012122,2019/01/15,"I’m gonna do it soon I’ve only had one home that has always been in my life. That’s my grandparents house, and it is being sold in a few weeks. This is the only place I’ve ever felt at home over all these years. 
I really haven’t wanted to live for awhile now, but I have a kid that has kept me from pulling the trigger. But it has just been too much. I think I’m going to leave this earth in that home. 
God can do with me what he wants, it’s just too much now. ",-0.3005714285714305,1.2048574666666705,1.6535714285714285,101.90892857142859,83.85714285714286,4.961904761904762,13.357142857142858,5.6839178017228535,-1.3388285714285717,354,3,95,2,10,117,68,105,0.014,0.958,0.028,0.3291,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,0,14,1,0,1,2,14,24,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,12,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,6,1,7,0,10,16,4,14,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695463893583548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149698296966946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265288733294128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403249257918226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6037968477746648,0.0,0.0,0.23152006116302945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124565345530073,0.0,0.0,0.14172313186569166,0.0,0.0,0.17717525446804144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949977254261273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596381289540752,0.305202647927122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20963373773538305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285398073448071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856669715607796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366939690159425,0.0,0.16094717259203462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292102918643688
suicidewatch,gridmatos,2019/01/15,"I just wanna fucking die I try so damn hard to be okay, but I wake up thinking about death and go sleep thinking about it again. I am sick of people saying that is hard to deal and talk with me ( I have borderline disorder). I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT my promouns (going though transition). I feel guilty for not being okay, then I have the realization that I Will never be. I always cut my self. My parents says church will heal me. 
-sorry my english guys-",1.7540217391304367,4.18303418478261,3.0045217391304355,89.9078695652174,82.15217391304347,5.419130434782609,21.156521739130433,6.742157984588678,0.4961747826086955,363,11,72,4,10,117,64,92,0.253,0.642,0.105,-0.942,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,1,2,9,5,2,1,1,12,16,7,2,1,3,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,6,16,3,10,11,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,1,2,0,3,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212815791128873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848840311344586,0.0,0.0,0.18974736734206174,0.0,0.20953757575316007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244370440972707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902222420725166,0.0,0.0,0.2078115726364544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102919704384265,0.0,0.0,0.4913359198549807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203960373974762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410087954393648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030096796158906,0.0,0.0,0.2535008562720157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907855047539987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907302494449324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296077688139245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046618061904978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695081590441195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23429854877658696,0.17962830892690862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24825742673872664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CanIJustBeOkay,2019/01/15,"My life has always been awful and I can't change shit I can't be a person anymore. I don't enjoy anything my head is an awful place to be trapped in and I can't fix it and nobody can help. Antidepressants just make me feel not normal like everything in my head has no value and I can't stand it. I don't like therapy. I want Death I wanna drive to the cliff overlooking town and jump and say goodbye and not have to be alone or sad or even think at all anymore. It really is my only escape at this point.

I use to dream about what I would do when I was older the girl I would have and the job and kids but in my head that's all gone now. I have no chance of finding a girl and that's all I lived to this point for I'm tired of the way the world is. I'm valueless and I would love to be gone and that's probably going to be reality this year.
",0.8798936170212741,2.198056510638299,3.052074468085109,94.10875,79.63829787234042,6.402127659574468,18.66489361702128,7.1686216300943375,-0.00790000000000024,656,13,162,8,16,224,99,188,0.139,0.769,0.092,-0.5608,1,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,8,2,26,7,4,2,3,32,37,16,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,4,10,12,0,0,3,1,0,5,10,2,0,0,4,2,21,4,17,25,3,21,0,1,0,1,7,10,1,2,6,108,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524761640200554,0.0,0.0,0.12472593518113753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29731419271498866,0.0,0.0,0.12335208628131585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857067129951824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900525567687568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471735118279485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579219812045238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137002728479535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518966210600945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615113075565346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047249586323166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874919361815594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587636421136863,0.14646376272948616,0.0,0.1323613973552145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352874861442959,0.0,0.1000571091806138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468667901451369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400307869582367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088388318185612,0.1566099879058274,0.0,0.2834013757830852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161383047415934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602756641728223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192037506912791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386665156625462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141976526632385,0.0,0.0,0.09604765484896033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722840302626637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946248899647886,0.0,0.0,0.0884128671878191,0.11898090200846365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31944661903513216,0.0,0.0,0.0965284618057533
suicidewatch,Budmike54,2019/01/15,"I just feel like the world wouldn't even blink an eye if I wasn't here Yeah I get good grades and yeah I am in Honor Society, but what does it matter if my life feels like its crumbling around me? If I delete this post, that means I changed my mind. If not, well thanks for trying to help.",-0.5382258064516137,1.6248150967741957,0.37443548387096826,106.18165322580644,91.58064516129032,3.745161290322581,12.588709677419354,5.148860815047168,-1.6458129032258069,224,3,57,1,8,68,50,62,0.102,0.665,0.232,0.7633,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,2,3,2,1,0,0,15,8,6,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,9,6,4,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,2,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354315478486733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797708378119202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143670408643446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467784617108464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674447499527036,0.3778703106640269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817300257802814,0.0,0.0,0.22182222844706914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726654061781985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680074238914196,0.2584102676245599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880819076621109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26703610606173106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532861165990579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434855237126861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955561669122752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377874402733584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleasekillmern-_-,2019/01/15,"I’m crying myself to sleep tonight I’ve officially lost all hope at this point

I’m 16m going on 17 have super bad anxiety think everyone hates me and lost motivation

My anxiety is always through the roof. I used to get breaks from it but its constantly present and degrading my mental state; I don’t know a way I can remedy this

I’m convinced that my girlfriend actually dislikes talking to me at this point because half of the time I manage to find some way to tick her off. I don’t even know I’m doing this sometimes because I just don’t interpret what I’m saying is rude

Most of the people I used to talk to in my past I’ve negatively affected, and I’m beginning to think its happening to the people around me. I think this might be my anxiety speaking for me, but overall I think I’m just a depressing and uninteresting person to be around

The activities that I used to love doing have faded from my interest, usually I’m sitting at home doing pretty much nothing these days. I can hardly motivate myself to finish my school work which is bad; other times I don’t eat much for days because I’m too fucked up to want to eat(probably why I’m 16, 6’, and weigh just over 120lbs) 

By the way I don’t know if this matters but I’ve only told my gf and and a close friend about any of this; this is truly the first time that I have opened up about all of this. This is all probably just my anxiety fucking with my head but I can’t control it anymore it gets worse by the day.

Is there anything I can do to change my mindset/how I operate that can change that makes my life more interesting; gives me the motivation to work; helps my anxiety; anything helps :)

If anyone just wants to be friends and talk I’ll be glad to do so I’ll slide my ## for ya",4.8868624968346435,5.05377433983287,6.09108255254495,80.45700367181566,68.83286908077993,9.6470498860471,30.245758419853125,9.573946990214177,2.5366033426183843,1384,50,289,28,22,466,171,359,0.13,0.71,0.16,0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,10,13,19,4,0,12,0,29,8,2,9,3,52,66,15,0,5,11,0,1,0,4,1,1,2,1,1,24,13,2,1,12,0,0,2,7,10,0,2,3,3,40,9,44,58,8,38,0,3,0,3,17,15,2,6,15,183,64,7,0.0,0.0,0.0859781796647367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331076665436194,0.0,0.0,0.05991470623945677,0.0,0.3370020222137557,0.0,0.08737690109720989,0.06160535757530871,0.0,0.14500650567286116,0.15686500483347754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712868953565753,0.16112473712273628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640770205461749,0.0,0.0,0.09521065800430777,0.0988177192565418,0.0,0.0,0.0967796657500458,0.17046211958567947,0.0,0.07588506835336918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803076785261683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058192798361800024,0.0,0.0,0.084188503607835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052675687688916,0.07494242446265062,0.0,0.0,0.13614005645594213,0.16290408045938198,0.09206289010676708,0.08451874623642787,0.05007234005459745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779113311217803,0.0,0.07892514982970132,0.08698586082242656,0.09042157839236444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811041045655192,0.0,0.08837691901622802,0.08750856093742078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526130251544153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622314630845576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923549453782099,0.0,0.07951858058691562,0.0,0.05881105138716423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878953981913919,0.09346592646229557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953524112974138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453952582567009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700814139425534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410659184993627,0.1221624081695374,0.07693025355814623,0.0,0.0,0.166576198441693,0.0,0.0,0.08963488567652048,0.0949925434257277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700649655467542,0.0,0.08916738783502691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881690477621778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871385123220347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244739545295632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258175800279169,0.0,0.0,0.15412493517553885,0.0,0.0,0.084188503607835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282843814527461,0.09703567167919977,0.0,0.10393371781476164,0.20980194209328595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795014368003944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828358884464625,0.0,0.08978694910130001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,billsimpson289,2019/01/15,"Alone What do I do? I literally have nothing and no one.  My best friend divorced me after 20yrs, traded in for a younger version.  I have no friends.  I have no immediate family.  I am injured.  I have no money.  I have no home.  I have no job.  I have no transportation.  I want to end my suffering but I'm also afraid I will be as inconsequential in death as I am in life.  I'll be forced to move to a shelter soon and know I can't mentally survive the realization of failure that put me there.  I have nothing to look forward to and, for a person like me that ALWAYS had the answers, I've realized I have none.  I lived my life giving to others, and know the well is dry.  I gave of myself to everyone I've known firmly believing in paying things forward.  What a crock of shit.  Sacrifice for nothing.  I haven't eaten in days.  My teeth are falling out.  My hair is falling out.  I can't sleep.  I'm a prisoner of my own mind while awake.  LIterally have nowhere to go or a way to get there, no one to see, no one to help, nothing to trade or sell.  I want to kill myself.  I literally think about it every single minute of the day.",0.5677622377622384,2.78483422943723,3.0975108225108237,88.67945304695307,85.49350649350649,6.151248751248751,22.737429237429236,7.468242284971852,1.030724142524142,861,32,186,15,26,298,120,231,0.14300000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.163,-0.7272,1,1,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,2,1,10,0,24,8,4,0,0,18,38,11,2,2,3,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,1,1,7,6,1,0,6,0,5,8,13,4,1,3,3,3,32,5,32,32,5,22,1,1,2,0,7,9,1,2,9,134,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307102015226988,0.0,0.11047023089199602,0.11494325774125512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563608466417544,0.14496904367311528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817729683130712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235073086496935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638861587913628,0.1319983586404112,0.0,0.0,0.13022577108349978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345270704781685,0.0,0.072172267382211,0.13251614293469452,0.07850794844007979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259209779540016,0.0,0.13856533554960326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137082290672143,0.0,0.15283105936218952,0.0,0.1518358816569033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514424490111654,0.06748805693346825,0.0,0.12197984476202145,0.0,0.1160025174705874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921227980435413,0.0,0.1394816707157262,0.0,0.0,0.14682058991140529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301948922246237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28082101261876635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061821702839852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886850606574386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007941873516404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179836906477306,0.0,0.0,0.13823941617620558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917738475297745,0.08851431204515639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295669326598453,0.10964882697399174,0.0,0.0,0.1242041382856172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheForsakenNinja,2019/01/15,"Would it be considered suicide if I plan my death? I want to die in 10 years and was thinking of letting a random person shoot me.Would that be considered suicide if I let someone else kill me?
",3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846153,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,72.84615384615384,7.2512820512820495,30.948717948717945,7.793537801064563,2.103471794871795,153,7,30,2,3,50,31,39,0.462,0.514,0.025,-0.9775,0,0,0,1,0,5,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25442601196778025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479057613537294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712211042221265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013630301230242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140546963966139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771399624992232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363065472486193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157081613858711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459526248275525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482937057905033,0.0,0.0,0.15786795198270065
suicidewatch,ZonalBread,2019/01/15,No hope I’m not in danger right now but I’m afraid I might be soon. After my CPTSD diagnosis my suicidal ideation has only gotten worse. Recovery is going to be very difficult and it’ll pretty much take up the rest of my life. I don’t want it. I don’t want to fight. I don’t think it’s worth it. There’s no hope for me. My only use at this point would be to be somebody’s punching bag but I’m so unlikeable nobody even wants that out of me. I want to die. ,-1.3944957983193298,0.6023840882352971,1.4808403361344562,97.42235294117648,95.37254901960785,4.875070028011205,15.128851540616246,6.5431188927421005,-0.4801619047619044,355,8,87,5,14,123,67,102,0.231,0.611,0.158,-0.9267,0,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,1,0,12,1,0,1,0,15,26,4,2,7,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,11,2,12,18,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,3,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351301031842276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588129336772406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691986843914233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086683155189384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531165247496264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824471981134785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123362853231942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129305747494595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447929920649865,0.0,0.0,0.20929916655441175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756904452222786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503285821858715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546817271991395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182208839910886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768279398075512,0.0,0.1697470077074722,0.4853744242846558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965423754970067,0.14614314987515273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wallflower4598,2019/01/15,Apricots Is it true apricots and other fruits seeds contain cyanide? Online says they do but idk of that includes the everyday store bought fruit? Could any science people inform me on a lethal dosage and how many seeds/pits I need to hit the dirt. Thanks,3.913829787234043,6.822874851063838,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,77.08510638297872,4.611063829787233,24.293617021276606,5.6839178017228535,0.4658289361702129,206,7,37,1,5,58,43,47,0.093,0.787,0.12,0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,9,7,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157571638329603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707260135142078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707530312805435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34429136732881555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219047371813278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692501589956518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42748840285669604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TegansTeaTime,2019/01/15,"Laying on that grassy knoll wishing for eternal rest I feel like I’m failing everyone in my life. The pain is too much to bear at times. I try not to be the victim of my destiny, but how can I not when the world is beating me to the ground. My support system is non existent. My Love was taken for granted and shattered by the one I loved. The only reason is stay is for the sake my girls. I wish not to fuck them up any worker than I already have. I just want a family. I just want to be loved. Freedom from these chains is what I long for. I need help. I am one step away from finding my eternal rest. It’s been a long hard road. I try to find the beauty in the little things but guilt eats at my soul. It could have been so easy. We had it all but one of us was blind. Now it’s all shattered. Everything. Can this pain just end? ",-0.7049853444064489,1.4180591853932576,1.2170249145090395,100.12135564240354,91.97752808988764,3.994528578407426,16.72789447972643,5.511479884284512,-0.7727027845627751,637,16,152,4,23,208,108,178,0.135,0.614,0.251,0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,1,3,8,11,2,1,11,0,19,9,0,2,2,24,32,7,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,6,0,3,6,3,23,5,23,23,5,22,1,1,1,4,8,11,1,0,9,108,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509464658248615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557526186560762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320464361804888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221356118069682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381238491468715,0.0,0.0,0.12448094873330735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342965489346516,0.12631257528467327,0.0,0.13249309930065872,0.0,0.07106365770278872,0.10040521048860987,0.0,0.0,0.2569107439144337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993137349831568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259005065068381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420419557198263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927092618655912,0.06866307455504461,0.14086278017792125,0.0,0.2487553943529301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805414216203353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033165759197746,0.10421216478853104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857103167909292,0.10689062941054787,0.2990990850284537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450342941396027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980202283125954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594885374294263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337169895634106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195278457206301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908413440221213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905805133105253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657938913546791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232390946824014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plantlady420,2019/01/15,"I almost did it tonight Last night I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. It sent me in a spiral today, I was completely on autopilot all day. I came home from work and couldn’t stop crying. I sat on the kitchen floor and just thought about bashing my head in. I even tried hitting my head on some sharp corners. It wasn’t a very well thought out plan. I’m in tears and have been for hours. I still want to do it. I’m still so close to the edge. I don’t even feel like I have any control over my brain I feel crazy. I’m sure it’ll be one day soon. But not tonight. ",-0.38651428571428426,1.5824961600000016,1.1081428571428549,103.0205,87.4,4.211428571428572,17.728571428571428,5.288315135182226,-0.8611028571428565,440,11,112,2,14,140,81,125,0.16399999999999998,0.767,0.069,-0.9119,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,10,6,1,1,5,0,13,4,3,1,3,22,25,5,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,6,1,2,4,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,11,3,14,3,13,10,3,26,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,2,14,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966767925892048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522364859735908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276018305465276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891488417543959,0.0,0.1937919303774914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765251671808988,0.0,0.19003912183599966,0.0,0.0,0.18611968409200785,0.218546982302948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238243987223732,0.15326636927490875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134588518738098,0.12104653929121525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34778453665985354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699601266531294,0.0,0.16686229688221985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811458257576634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277884694963822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900608263778826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481557221661667,0.0,0.0,0.1987989826462212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27062680739993605,0.14165775286693058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969330745631127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690296872627166,0.0,0.0,0.16060740979403132,0.0,0.0,0.11503727812105233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980409294540774,0.09993892093072332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234510846552587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335288019913045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StairwaytoHeaven11,2019/01/15,Going to a psychiatric hospital? Need advice. I've been contemplating suicide for about a week now. Like seriously considering it. Now it isn't something I want to do but I'm terribly unhappy and it seems like the only way to stop being so helplessly sad. So with that being said I guess I'm passively actively suicidal eh. I'm considering going to the hospital to get some help. However I dont need someone to watch me to make sure I dont kill myself. I guess I'm hoping theres a magical mix of drugs that can help me feel better while waiting a month for a new antidepressant to kick in. Any input on this? I just want the persistent suicidal thoughts to stop and to feel some sort of being content.,2.9255783065855003,5.1629497482014415,5.218848920863311,76.69022136137245,76.6978417266187,9.456779192030993,27.95849474266741,9.851270322608157,3.187789817376867,561,24,105,18,13,196,85,139,0.255,0.5660000000000001,0.179,-0.9202,1,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,1,0,8,0,9,1,0,1,1,24,30,6,4,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,4,9,5,18,24,2,13,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,7,10,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142495360843342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916381439466122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289675189492802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34180409251796806,0.0,0.1691069755074806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746375212770185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618586420750442,0.0,0.16574776201474645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212782730361685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954825376891802,0.0,0.0,0.14483393542915535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133020005585585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424823170355002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733717396199176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639355774511742,0.0,0.0,0.2162500120854896,0.0,0.14083558884276254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109040386444428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870991060119778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275067658503714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355432541103648,0.11226073447357557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24382708382978696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785160956060279,0.0,0.13743530684403424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576620901668465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201893407503355,0.11574654566570675,0.1169694402725042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,username9455,2019/01/15,If I don’t feel better tomorrow I will kill myself I just had my third treatment of ketamine for depression and so far it has not helped at all. I live in constant eye pain because I had lasik almost 4 years ago. It has destroyed my life. Tomorrow if I still feel this way I will kill myself ,1.625,3.779896833333332,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.66666666666666,6.0,23.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8778333333333337,230,8,48,3,6,75,44,60,0.29,0.667,0.043,-0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,1,9,9,4,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,3,11,1,4,5,1,10,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,6,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652456467386475,0.0,0.2558906595309716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577740684837374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260081282353989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761525574488375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200998936171054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25842170860135577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171285928448436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5654437154335895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049846566343405,0.0,0.0,0.225650260222281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27191710605940983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040779732911031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283913615417748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456212279831026
suicidewatch,1030pmtonight,2019/01/15,"Maybe I am wired differently up here... The last 48 hours, I have been in an overwhelming agony that I have never experienced before, I have never felt more lonelier, and I have never wanted to kill myself more... In the last 48 hours, I have tied my belt around my pull up bar and put my neck around for 2 times now... but each time, as I stepped off the chair... and my weight pressed against my neck... I just couldn't do it... 

The only times I would feel better is when I have cried enough and gone to bed but the time I am spending awake, I would just be crying... and I just really wish that I would feel better...What can I do to make myself feel better? I have tried taking walks... I have tried prayers... I am at my wit's end... please help me

I have called the suicide hotline 3 times now, and every time a different person would pick up and listen to me, and I'm really grateful that they would spend that hour or 2 listening to me but they have offered me no valuable advice except for encouragement and I don't think encouragement could change me... They have asked that I go down and talk to their counsellors but I really cannot repeat this in front of a real person, I am really afraid he or she would mock at me instead...

There are so many things that I really want to do in my life but I don't think I am capable of accomplishing them... There are so many things that I wish I hadn't done or said but I did it or said it anyway... If I kill myself today... all these would be gone",2.4209539473684245,3.950864082236844,3.5918736842105297,90.96891578947373,75.9407894736842,6.969263157894738,19.396842105263158,7.699297019823105,0.3507506842105261,1147,22,257,16,25,372,147,304,0.067,0.775,0.158,0.9823,2,0,0,0,0,3,58.0,0,0,5,3,15,10,3,2,9,0,41,5,2,2,4,54,62,25,3,14,15,0,6,0,0,7,1,4,1,2,14,13,2,0,6,1,2,8,9,5,0,0,9,11,52,5,27,42,5,41,0,1,0,0,20,13,0,5,20,186,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417542824639081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533664856015578,0.0805296710787999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329915877714145,0.0,0.0,0.22855262248218125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795900697496448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112514988135097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877612159509489,0.0,0.18924242828455629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179996824177895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815156406916205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629485042871495,0.08900608780861671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257702489659816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066556426158454,0.0,0.08270831847782842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895558973253423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057738112410439274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544929065819788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060323926906406,0.0,0.0,0.14043188991888178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060843531017345076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749940386867638,0.1746657452694204,0.08653963691379189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931042291715267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551367631830125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504289964122275,0.0,0.09455632128692433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659492121250986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804666438839144,0.2759188162225689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387854394376875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942236459068796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476688074467357,0.06923641222679022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144557440899859,0.11039061476042784,0.0,0.0,0.3013750540030667,0.0,0.08165105259605493,0.0,0.0,0.11696739096178504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161571125233004,0.0,0.0,0.10489583363739284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811447962485185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283418146217428,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PangolinGod,2019/01/15,"Why is life so painful I am a 16 year old almost 17 and I have for as long as I could remember I've wanted to be a girl on the outside like I was on the inside and I have never said anything to my parents about it or anyone else. Due to this issue I have to deal with constant depression and thoughts of suicide and i really dont know what to do. I want to say something but i know that my parents will freak out and since my family is so Christian i know I will be disowned. I know this because my brother came out as gay recently and my dad has full out disowned him. My dad isn't a bad person though, i love my dad, i actually have a better relationship with him then my mom. My mom has accepted my brother and I just want to feel that acceptance. I want someone to talk to who gets me and I want to live my life as I want to be but I know I never can. I just need advice and I just really want someone to talk to that will at least somewhat understand me and let me spill everything out to them. I know that suicide isn't something I should be thinking of but it's a serious thing I'm considering. ",1.1171533127889042,2.8925500296610167,3.3936363636363645,89.83834360554701,80.48305084745763,6.6637904468412925,24.28659476117103,7.686295010490155,1.1509305084745765,861,32,193,14,22,296,115,236,0.08199999999999999,0.7879999999999999,0.13,0.8022,2,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,0,0,7,0,25,5,0,0,2,51,48,22,2,10,7,9,1,1,0,4,3,2,0,2,11,17,0,0,13,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,3,41,5,31,34,3,18,1,1,0,2,22,8,0,3,10,141,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.10182410026060404,0.0,0.0,0.10196315642310723,0.0,0.0,0.10448483613626892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295932678266953,0.10691213728859013,0.08586572214978562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712237507765311,0.06360676414730655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228325210237832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934104467311997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275813961533472,0.0,0.08330970914515047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075734569110242,0.08987081185513159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228967997696112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871655161490126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377711390333496,0.0,0.09836566499037537,0.0,0.05275915488036645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054515116446209134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890739346380393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440664012426099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066981892511945,0.1474016491438933,0.05097691143569699,0.0,0.09213712804776228,0.09234061967990882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417398639789884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444114425456965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736930408917887,0.16095211514039154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949083894425116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102872735308716,0.0,0.2317219803654116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110862642037493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369009937783902,0.0,0.10302651291959074,0.11202575510614532,0.1182007242137891,0.0,0.09925446153727173,0.08297805448321845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631393329032253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681963727208086,0.1606572840204421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22826947356268584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773453434393756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932111413802489,0.06685903330074881,0.10251685425293162,0.08283699910381936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086251524156466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308110581746647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415368298319073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719372432871827
suicidewatch,MeanLimaBean,2019/01/15,"Friend considering suicide, and I just may do the same I've been the only person available for my friend to vent to and to try and talk them out of doing something to hurt themselves. It's really wearing on me and I sent them a few hotline links, but it's pulled me away from activities and stressed me out so much that I can't go through everyday life without worrying. I'm in the bathroom of my youth group right now huddled against the space heater waiting to hear from them again. They said they were going to drive around with their mom about half an hour ago. I don't know if it was them lying and if they went off to kill themselves. I'm worried that it might be. I'm worried that I might hurt or kill myself too if they have, because what if it was my not being there what if it was my saying I needed to go and giving them a hotline insteaf of being there what if what if what if it was my fault",4.341418439716311,4.704121297872341,4.767872340425535,88.78333333333335,70.06382978723404,7.330496453900709,27.90070921985816,6.816661863887847,1.1324453900709224,716,23,156,5,12,227,108,188,0.18600000000000005,0.7659999999999999,0.048,-0.9854,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,10,0,9,8,2,1,7,0,17,2,1,0,0,32,31,18,3,9,13,1,0,0,2,3,1,3,0,1,15,11,0,1,2,0,0,7,4,6,0,1,9,3,25,2,26,16,3,22,0,2,0,0,21,9,0,12,6,119,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817550891365873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872097495579488,0.0,0.0,0.13585257391921854,0.0,0.0,0.08814429653043296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342881149493835,0.0,0.0,0.13870952835074385,0.2465314849665056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297004749907093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239779930222074,0.0,0.3095857257708021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31994779944540064,0.0,0.07946610527944342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213233486555494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067867225617347,0.0,0.16934892818385114,0.0,0.0,0.10629459736449648,0.10721600089883844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997167021925228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262555310167909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263181298967472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348407769440176,0.13754377866870626,0.11498843460970096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113169603289078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563407353511844,0.0,0.0,0.15816440622539688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162206781920708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817110005214638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404181445992636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938525286404851,0.0,0.0,0.4405323558585612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hands-off-my-waffle,2019/01/15,"March 14th, 2002 - March 14th, 2020 i will be exactly 18 years old. there’s still time, but if the last 16 have been any indication, this final year is gonna be hell.",4.663235294117649,4.42174061764706,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,69.29411764705883,9.15294117647059,22.882352941176467,8.841846274778883,0.8871058823529409,127,2,31,2,2,40,31,34,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761413169031981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448295016660876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310009983218131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261018359793656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32428778247540824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23678250432036846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229911393287671
suicidewatch,RandomPants84,2019/01/15,College Applications Was just finishing up my last 2 common applications for collage and at the end there was a step I didn’t remember doing for my all other applications. I just checked and even though I paid and everything I didn’t finish up the signature and I haven’t applied to a single college. I’m panicking and feeling like I just fucked my whole life up.,7.169285714285714,7.287866357142858,7.923571428571428,69.42392857142859,64.0,11.571428571428573,37.5,11.20814326018867,4.4272857142857145,295,14,52,8,4,99,44,70,0.114,0.8240000000000001,0.062,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,11,10,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,5,1,9,1,7,5,3,10,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,6,41,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30297136087191023,0.0,0.0,0.2259331681513419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074293152378057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296022645904416,0.24437396701994515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162370262222153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788316679268607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416132581556174,0.16711750152354887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874971855405503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336080787640788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819075178773175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iwanttokillmyself79,2019/01/15,I really want to kill myself and dont know how Please dont tell me to get help i dont want to hear that im really tryna end my life i cant take my mom anymore i have become really depressed. There is bags under my eyes she doesnt know how to focus on one thing and she is bipolar please help me,-1.5828104575163382,0.343900588235293,1.586078431372549,97.1484640522876,94.58823529411764,4.786928104575163,11.967320261437907,6.42735559955562,-0.9268581699346408,232,3,57,3,9,82,42,68,0.147,0.7,0.152,-0.3885,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,8,3,1,2,0,8,15,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,2,12,0,6,15,0,3,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295968159311278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147674343072234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152718191251482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5777397608921574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553731445404702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584957277009425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851987591687921,0.0,0.2202782959699879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774920500795476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179394424123105,0.0,0.1806101712501915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606293290317762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244770341245016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134638845191924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607444798023649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157996899769172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354697382823199,0.0,0.1436215087719136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916583180315688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383847846742666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedankestofall420,2019/01/15,"I can't find community I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Not in college, or group, or treatment, or even online. Nobody likes me, and there's something about me that gives people a bad vibe or something. I don't really understand it, although some aspects of being not liked make sense to me. I just wonder what it is about me that makes me this way. 

I used to feel this soul crushing sadness or something when I've felt suicidal in the past, but now I just feel empty, and hollow, and useless. I dont think I'm unique, or special, I think I'm just....complete shit. I dont know how else to explain why literally only one person ever has liked me. ",2.789278278972933,4.516022167938932,4.1873698820263705,86.25261623872312,75.41221374045801,6.290353920888273,25.64954892435809,6.980632752743323,1.115741984732824,508,18,101,5,11,168,84,131,0.199,0.759,0.042,-0.9536,0,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,1,0,2,0,8,1,1,4,1,31,24,13,1,0,11,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,11,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,4,16,5,8,22,1,7,1,2,0,0,4,2,1,8,8,64,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560188736564982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027917549092866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806762934421127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566903441821934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726736320228464,0.14690515773572585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463514443178692,0.11602258885668575,0.15593483890924156,0.0,0.14843577075828654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557942443939244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925386722989707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173726793646682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681399028909104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005023363439843,0.12351677256967886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503451611970842,0.11259159015962965,0.14180630046969042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404118219675493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670700848593234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37508328221298404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776453604224751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081258940643792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906995097200053,0.0,0.14026628923196285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891000121782695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465457880776091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612193901450504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Walking_With_Spiders,2019/01/15,"It's coming I've held my strength for years. I feel like I'm using this shit as a blog but hey who cares. I've tried alcohol, I've tried love, I've tried weed, nothing works. I'm always back to the same spot; when I'm left alone these thoughts come back, I just don't want to be here any more.

Nothing makes sense, I feel unable to love now, I feel unable to believe in my country, I don't get what I'm here for.  I've battled with these thoughts for years believe that actually they can be beaten, and for months at a time I thought they could, but I just don't get it. I don't have some compelling story like others, I'm just some guy who exists and tries finding a reasonable to continue existing. 

I've confessed to some friends for the first time how I felt and it helped somewhat but I could never tell them I feel this bad, I couldn't tell them that I feel like ending it daily.   I just need someone. Somebody there for when I need it most, someone who doesn't know me enough to judge me. 

I don't know where this is going but hey who really does. At least you guys knew what was going through my mind. I hope you all take care and love each other. ",2.447946718648474,3.7114070370370382,3.1888412388997205,94.97961013645228,75.33744855967078,6.103443794671866,22.666016894087072,6.339386263674448,0.2096962962962965,902,24,209,6,19,284,123,243,0.08199999999999999,0.742,0.17600000000000002,0.9807,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,4,4,14,15,3,0,5,0,15,5,1,5,2,52,51,12,0,7,8,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,20,8,1,1,15,1,0,4,8,4,0,1,7,6,28,11,19,39,11,23,1,0,0,3,22,5,1,6,17,122,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.10220843611781807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193225518606023,0.0,0.10847619184971202,0.0,0.0,0.08714977264648706,0.0,0.0,0.07122491368243028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107294252049562,0.08745121915898843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360060026244423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135731897721408,0.0,0.0,0.18044371356839767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672483245786277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165626310666433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276610553370916,0.10822156526162012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647914736009873,0.14964860803359972,0.10056417382453067,0.0,0.09572793839228344,0.08908944144983823,0.0,0.0,0.0809197305503102,0.0,0.10944176835321492,0.0,0.11904917246902402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741266549677034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020316311109892,0.0,0.0,0.10402771023079617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151216941820562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379731594265535,0.0,0.0,0.15350797255141485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835883405227788,0.0,0.06991291990788741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575475352013436,0.0,0.08360026441291547,0.0,0.0,0.15532267025664892,0.08077981507448295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009964099839516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709735684809846,0.10768732500358548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751127006905986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748704436617066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874936854176283,0.0,0.1830899256266356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944900400078185,0.12214625193259225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28443883887292465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045934565177546,0.0,0.0,0.06177673683706924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624995694558834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134894695126066
suicidewatch,npozero,2019/01/15,"Laying in bed, but I feel like I’m being crushed to death by my thoughts Sometimes I have awful thoughts of suicide, but no real intent. Like creeping thoughts about taking all my meds at once and dying or just dying in general. I have no intent my whole life when o get this way it’s mostly passive. I think it might be coming from a place because I’m overwhelmed. I have 12 hours of class on Mondays and Wednesday’s and I work 12 hour shifts every other day of the week. I’ve only have 3 days off this month to myself. I only have one left. I’ve fallen kind of deep back with my eating disorder, I’ve been restricting to about 200-500 calories per day. Tonight my boyfriend wanted to go out to dinner and I ate with him, but now I’m laying in bed and I feel like I’m gaining weight every minute the food is in my body. I want to purge and take laxatives, but I know I can’t do that right now. I’m just overwhelmed from stupid things that probably don’t even matter in the world.",2.0838725490196097,3.868577289215686,3.175098039215687,92.48460784313728,77.57843137254902,5.513725490196079,22.117647058823533,6.139981653823899,0.2480705882352945,773,22,165,5,18,248,122,204,0.182,0.722,0.096,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,4,1,13,7,1,2,1,35,33,12,4,2,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,10,5,1,7,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,5,3,20,4,26,25,3,32,0,2,0,0,1,14,0,3,17,95,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001844316169949,0.0,0.07942314971898445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472204385138304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223269780652004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520774653296564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27043945267134906,0.0,0.1493228288079768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331848358105658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605485574822502,0.0,0.2195487139742381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175637255830672,0.18615740798567632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754634218150074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807078324921335,0.0,0.07404641333081217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566174370619513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356762594656624,0.07160359348962192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155970877360538,0.0,0.0920271877191256,0.1909583166245796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472204385138304,0.0,0.0,0.13821636088163988,0.0,0.0,0.10399567850662064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138753855358016,0.08828740352839133,0.1981817717645481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612459081922285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047390487796338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482977506077412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126635274974388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288594520127091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251535051410624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959226820867168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655842347396478,0.08348412441818581,0.0,0.31030545903218804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369601300695004,0.10341758413865194,0.10451021982089888,0.15865727073516814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454633537386619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948521642167439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorthlessHuman876,2019/01/15,Anyone in the UK want to die together? I'm in the South.,-2.600769230769231,-0.9039553076923068,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,102.07692307692308,5.676923076923077,14.192307692307693,7.1686216300943375,-0.06896923076923045,43,1,11,1,2,16,11,13,0.257,0.6579999999999999,0.086,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505421269643592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.750185983223058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263453186883998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,its_shrimp__,2019/01/15,"Just thinking back at how my life is and was...and I just don’t know anymore So to start off I was born deformed in my right hand and I had this horrible mother that told me every day about the ways that she tried do “manually abort me” weather it be actual hits to the gut or severe alcohol, drug, and cigarette abuse. My dad ran off because well let’s be honest who wants to call a monstrosity their son? And when I was about 3 my dad by name died and my mom didn’t take it well. She was hostile... very hostile. By the age of 4 my mom expected me to do a lot of shit by myself so I could grow up to be a man and whenever I cried because kids do that a lot she’d beat me for hours on end till I just became numb by just the age of 7... when I was 8 my mom got busted for several very illegal drugs and I was sent into foster care (mind you I was sick with a 110 fever at the time which made the memories all the more better) after 4 years of being thrown back  and forth between 8 different foster homes the court decided to put me in a home for good I thought things were looking up but nope since I’ve moved a lot I got bullied a shit ton and it didn’t stop after foster care. I’m 16 now and the only friends and family I had then are now 1000 miles away and now people are being nice to me for once in my life but I’m just now figuring out that they only talk to me out of pity for my hand and now with the school semester ending and all this work being thrown at me I have a couple huge projects that I’ve been too stressed to do and it’s all due here soon and I just don’t know man... also my mind has been fucked up because I’ve almost died 4 times just in this week and it’s only Tuesday I feel like death is coming but I don’t know when and it’s all been locked in my brain because I’ve always just been told to keep all of my emotions in but it’s actually killing me (btw I never talked about all the stuff that happened before foster care so I’d like to give a little more detail on that... so in short the stuff done to me includes getting cut several times a day with knives, burns, suffocation, almost being drowned, and being forced to vomit and eat it back up... oh also one day I woke up to a knife in my dog’s neck just because I was asking to go outside and try to play it was a stray dog that I found outside and it was very nice it didn’t deserve it’s fate) sorry if this just jumps from place to place it’s just all of these flashbacks coming back at me.... idk why I think that posting this will help me but I just felt like sharing this with people even if nobody actually reads it ",1.420394424673784,2.889851494661926,3.1278514234875447,93.49125518979835,78.53736654804271,6.106820877817321,20.427194543297745,6.816661863887847,0.13829169632265706,2028,49,475,20,48,674,253,562,0.132,0.768,0.1,-0.964,1,0,4,0,1,0,37.0,0,1,2,3,40,26,7,1,25,0,45,18,7,2,8,85,81,42,5,5,20,7,4,3,1,1,9,0,2,3,35,31,2,2,11,2,0,9,8,10,2,1,31,5,55,16,70,37,13,79,0,1,1,1,29,32,3,8,39,313,90,4,0.0,0.08276082298074383,0.20449055953978632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464840269206614,0.13988936181935266,0.0,0.0,0.11171803269364923,0.05812079201140913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927242650749499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530031694848641,0.0,0.06562637030683068,0.2148413405247534,0.0,0.21289954535498715,0.0,0.059437201668452386,0.0,0.0,0.06177664492089389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797569601194684,0.0713246553350371,0.0,0.21365017770577333,0.0,0.0,0.12033917275512104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576953784217873,0.07728769170384417,0.07672694040306327,0.1351424060939587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449865353451711,0.07297837872103158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714807970293137,0.0,0.0,0.16200763827488113,0.07147398369933644,0.0,0.07857184364055039,0.1237327272740848,0.0,0.0,0.04613526340672648,0.0,0.058851634005664163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584835948105275,0.0,0.035318256597145284,0.04990085090410351,0.06706694984006185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658691498671309,0.05396593342832349,0.0645751955018346,0.03649373981513435,0.06700648070197493,0.039697362265473615,0.058586862405260474,0.11173084500295667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176812053828917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046818979761132896,0.0,0.14013048186956084,0.0,0.06878817558099487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062085885615653626,0.07727867113413993,0.0,0.11516319274917886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142635311292314,0.09867423538362496,0.10237553895802992,0.07000804597081497,0.0,0.0,0.05865640423977635,0.0,0.0,0.17815190552299398,0.0,0.06609375485918882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105716737768972,0.2454224123570926,0.0,0.07423949117957199,0.0,0.0,0.0538726228203576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743879657920748,0.047332164836756466,0.15937220793536272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685038420495216,0.0,0.14595675744206316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689698758432898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021853840397399,0.0,0.0,0.06986889812791189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059651514697019986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069192478908412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236731839482288,0.14340003368484155,0.05778063827536651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819135151306902,0.04944018649157079,0.0,0.0,0.0583977241035924,0.08001293410685074,0.0,0.15992306728485242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251850384752663,0.11228556138920316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640523340979175,0.08951411368538309,0.0,0.05545309428705287,0.12219028268171055,0.0,0.0,0.13348932854603038,0.0,0.09484712404907432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729006852744906,0.041199337230807896,0.055443675358463625,0.056029453285458664,0.0,0.12560706961176873,0.0,0.06302875667184121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085162879873651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04498110712616162
suicidewatch,OPTA34234,2019/01/15,"advice Ive been having suicidal thoughts for the past 2 months or so, no particular plans as such, I wouldnt even say I fully want to do it but it just feels more and more like an actual option and i have fantasties about how I would do it etc, worried as I know it isnt normal to think like this, worried that if things get worse in my life that these thoughts will go up a gear

I started uni last january, scraped my way through exams but having trouble with a particular module, been pretty depressed and anxious throughout the whole thing. Ive been depressed since I was 13 so im used to the feeling, but recently it has gotten alot worse as I feel like im about to fail completely and be asked to leave, apart from this course I i have nothing else going on, im overweight with shit teeth and have an awkward personality. My family is going through some shit right now ie. 2 family members dead as a result of suicide/failed attempts in the past month so I dont exactly feel i can talk to them, the fact I even think about it anyway after seeing the aftermath makes me feel like a piece of shit.  i love my mates but I dont really want to tell them as theres nothing they could really do to help and if anything i feel like it would just push them away, feel pretty isolated, sad and feel like every day im getting pushed further back into a corner, never posted on reddit before but would just like some advice",6.613962703962708,5.755641188811191,6.905440559440559,79.51380186480189,65.43356643356643,9.724568764568764,31.30442890442891,8.841846274778883,2.331058554778556,1124,35,226,15,15,365,158,286,0.212,0.636,0.152,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,4,3,19,17,3,1,14,0,27,8,4,4,3,53,54,24,2,10,11,0,8,7,1,5,3,1,0,1,14,10,1,0,13,0,0,5,6,9,0,0,7,10,27,8,32,40,8,31,0,4,1,1,12,11,3,7,20,150,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.07862497830039672,0.0,0.0,0.15746470512754435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102149157495207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663024816668755,0.0,0.07532234272288996,0.0,0.07569843741815048,0.06195357786247955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855938047119185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447641364172431,0.0,0.0,0.06432881858995533,0.0,0.0,0.05196117009271307,0.0,0.1387901413096531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885555403765453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730613674187885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898571684751174,0.10643183017545224,0.0,0.06788394227663039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519089931672033,0.0,0.3259100662416381,0.28779714782455124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418929971699741,0.0,0.13736985356963247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400456543397897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481189461838936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427932297357171,0.06567553797247426,0.0,0.08531230114432081,0.0,0.0,0.05690917688307475,0.2755380093353552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271783023907008,0.0,0.05378129261598929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862086976452666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621407728029414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789417751627096,0.15461872790254766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538269124772779,0.0,0.07035086739727835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716406384261103,0.16393789607447248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323077872191473,0.0,0.07955343893966575,0.0,0.0,0.06880658538752454,0.0,0.0640727265593762,0.0,0.0,0.06420408775221491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481127272063101,0.06664857449861686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702806426099601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813081755485523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475934522999048,0.07042198264740843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705463796708437,0.10325237402545932,0.0,0.12792761714247522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958685954983544,0.0,0.0,0.0950448862691703,0.06395294406398197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995384878199816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364607607880893,0.16421601276687506,0.17170446192388691,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darlinginthespankxx,2019/01/15,"I keep getting closer and closer to actually doing it but never having the courage to. I wish someone would push me to do it already so the responsibility wouldn’t be on my hands anymore. So I wouldn’t have to feel like a coward everytime I wake up and have to drag my disgusting fucking body across the world like a stain.

I just wish I wasn’t here. I just want to keep sleeping and never stop. I just wish I had the courage to.

I hope I’ll be able to soon.",3.0896428571428567,4.09123141666667,4.6314880952380975,86.28375000000004,73.375,7.152380952380952,26.214285714285715,7.447530270364453,1.154591071428571,360,12,79,4,7,121,55,96,0.163,0.611,0.226,0.7139,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,6,0,12,5,4,0,2,21,22,6,0,8,4,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,2,13,5,11,15,0,11,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,6,57,15,0,0.18277476997437728,0.0,0.1783618099174517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169650364929795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126345876881214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302156581911948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241641546640947,0.13057433218982098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897232964790596,0.0954922735611788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153658722402047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249172270932532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178589040598484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819343406227906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290676772737227,0.0,0.15486446947274285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280789181101806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078052948618876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305458957817465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983795252545974,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,todd12344,2019/01/15,"About to do it see you lot on the other side See you on the other side everyone, I'm alone drunk as shit and decided I'm gonna finally do it I can't stand this shit anymore the battle has been lost, bye guys",0.77968085106383,2.072953297872342,3.3031382978723407,92.30875,79.85106382978724,7.253191489361702,20.26063829787234,8.07648339933343,0.6455574468085108,163,4,40,3,4,57,34,47,0.314,0.6859999999999999,0.0,-0.9382,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,1,4,3,0,3,0,5,3,2,0,0,3,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,5,8,1,6,0,1,2,0,4,4,2,1,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786109305333128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667834322125333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570484609009859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29468487288825834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663599945438319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936537682537008,0.2287007938889171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287287426025061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5522652387771589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riotthedev,2019/01/15,"How long does it take for things to get better? Used and abused by my ex wife, living in a tiny rented room. It stinks in here like cigarettes, my disability payments were suspended this month due to payee issues which I have fixed but have not received any mail about yet.  Can't pay rent which is due today since thelandlady is coming back today.  


Started working at mcdonalds but I'm off my meds until I get my insurance back so it's been really fucking hard to keep my cool and not just quit.  


I don't have any family, and I don't want to lean too heavily on my friend who has been really my only support. He tries to stop by whenever he can but I dont blame him for not wanting to hang much, it's not his job to keep me alive and happy. I'm just a bummer to be around.  


Don't really know what I'm doing posting here, I just keep ranting like it'll solve anything. The worst part is unless I find a good spot out in the ocean to die somebody somewhere will have to pay for disposing my body etc so even if I kill myself I'm being a burden.  


I'm too damn scared to call a suicide hotline, landlady is coming by any minute and I have to hope she is ok with waiting on rent until I get my mcdonalds pay or disability payment. If she is not ok with that I am pretty fucked but it's not like I own much to begin with anyways. Let my ex wife take pretty much everything, all I took was my clothes, my computer and my guitar/harmonica so if I end up homeless I'm not losing much shit anyways...  


  
I just don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do when even the government itself has fucked me over.  I can't even get my medi-cal until my benefits are reinstated later this month. Can't talk to my therapist, none of it, it'd just end with a bill being sent to me that I can't pay.  


At some point isn't it fair to just think to yourself ""I tried my best and had a good run, I'm done now."" and just throw yourself off a cliff?  


Why should I just keep suffering just because the thought of my corpse makes people 'sad'? I'm sad 24/7, I think I've earned the right to decide whether or not I'll be dead

​",2.970972065462753,3.8824512686230257,4.4858119356659145,87.55876305022578,73.55981941309254,7.704542889390519,24.453230812641078,8.07648339933343,1.177169356659142,1644,47,364,24,32,551,221,443,0.16399999999999998,0.665,0.171,-0.6973,4,0,1,0,1,3,42.0,0,0,0,6,29,30,7,1,14,3,43,6,2,3,1,66,84,27,4,7,28,4,1,3,1,3,0,0,4,0,20,16,0,6,7,0,8,8,19,15,0,0,9,3,46,15,49,66,12,46,0,4,0,4,17,16,6,7,24,235,66,10,0.0,0.10242311690664516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366305508230603,0.10504006252195087,0.17635656813839085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113681905296268,0.0769543229305584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329416440316639,0.0,0.052696032344528715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071863005024114,0.07645352350236084,0.0,0.09602083939937074,0.0,0.0,0.08826994764668328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489293208504529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971619858712065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564854849316628,0.08846318544242891,0.10131282447483046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312911513362198,0.0,0.0964089574586694,0.17128820040342524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769113699892481,0.0,0.08149259490577927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900910798852921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678714528722694,0.3196678118917579,0.1806556505759196,0.0,0.0,0.14501182663985146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202224479837086,0.07743768565570247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585932936049667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902260570155092,0.0857832630942024,0.30734493407076263,0.0956385169079799,0.0,0.09501575527699556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839580675511663,0.0,0.12669789179741267,0.0,0.07633246471228426,0.07650105058162045,0.0,0.0967097747673166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770266791038441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602083939937074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799905084766922,0.0,0.254187906024492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574527132172119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936114447314252,0.0,0.05993003613669577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171840864719808,0.0,0.08279035579003778,0.17589116056872206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194483314030068,0.0,0.0,0.16613652404898002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382350541503073,0.0,0.0,0.08654646418845248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873448743940571,0.07150814667944294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118617261805996,0.0,0.0,0.07227183959173455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945567324747898,0.09809669214060596,0.0,0.0,0.12999167155669505,0.06948116733789926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036923669932744,0.057430176204472286,0.11078085258922493,0.0,0.06862762542029748,0.0,0.0,0.16387938849745662,0.0,0.09604350773763996,0.11738087811182984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466067199613839,0.0,0.0,0.1019749292403523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800311162423466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293294500657833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504006252195087,0.0
suicidewatch,_p_l_u_t_o_,2019/01/15,"Stuck this is just gonna be a little rant so I don’t expect anyone to read this :) 

For so long now I’ve been hating myself more and more as the minutes pass. I mean what is the point of even living? I try to convince myself everything is okay but it really isn’t. It’s not like my life is horrible or anything.

You see I don’t know if it’s just me or does it just constantly feel like you’re sinking deeper and deeper into quicksand. And the quicksand is sadness and you can’t get out. You try and try to pull yourself out but it’s impossible.

I don’t know but when I first got this feeling I didn’t think much of it then it resulted in me self harming. Now I don’t use it as a “distraction” but the pain from the sharp metal blade cutting through my skin just makes me feel better. It helps me in a way that’s indescribable. 

The weird thing is I don’t have a legitimate reason for all of this. I mean this seems like I just want attention which I don’t. And I hate the fact that everyone thinks that.

Anyway I’m not sure why I do the things I do and think the things I think. I don’t have a god damn reason which makes it harder to even process. I guess what I’m trying to say is, am I the only one who feels this way? Is it just me? ",0.6482118254879445,2.4567603022388056,2.6076119402985083,94.72642365097592,82.17164179104478,5.764867967853043,18.889781859931112,6.8449194561589275,-0.026180711825487986,963,23,228,11,26,322,131,268,0.183,0.748,0.068,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,2,14,16,4,1,15,1,25,3,1,6,3,51,52,20,0,3,15,0,6,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,28,10,0,0,16,1,0,2,12,9,0,2,4,8,31,7,19,46,4,18,0,1,1,0,7,7,1,5,10,155,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494411075458995,0.0,0.09997059641244904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744231249184437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312805411225596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063110582013428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047745532915986,0.0,0.0,0.11608272163642736,0.10918156596180176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457028973869836,0.08678786009361747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103333830925191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634701318311249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971614788983574,0.0,0.13382780753488618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987967561915485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142785126136938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352834509719266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580741189940813,0.17805215324229165,0.12175841471759342,0.10727218512874263,0.1075091036489776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218240293527345,0.0,0.0,0.2646623626370221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893043746698205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232038583219148,0.0923937009389938,0.12926704410685524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484120542773114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151640795210945,0.0,0.07782546186432739,0.24981060950914294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660858126088384,0.0,0.0,0.09680664710191099,0.11059404564309436,0.12673381926652594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449679194926983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421247833541141,0.3113669700687348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299173774840836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492276724450103,0.0,0.0,0.07165413516511976,0.19285594746002999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961999278173808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2445789,2019/01/15,Anyone else Does anyone else hope they will develop a seriously life threatening illness that will kill them so they dont have to do it themselves,13.177777777777774,9.453814185185188,11.547407407407407,60.36333333333334,55.29629629629629,15.244444444444447,45.51851851851853,13.023866798666859,5.769029629629627,121,5,20,3,1,38,22,27,0.353,0.565,0.08199999999999999,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376514671428645,0.5517319034872109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235611820480134,0.0,0.3155447062497892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44982728213097295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674138935746728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29787174407906586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901706263709536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForgottenHopeless,2019/01/15,"What am I living for I have hurt everyone who has ever loved me, my life is over",3.793333333333333,2.8082783333333365,5.852222222222222,85.165,71.22222222222223,9.422222222222222,23.555555555555557,8.841846274778883,1.2051555555555558,62,1,15,1,1,22,17,18,0.16,0.657,0.183,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057289699635154,0.0,0.4285979880986954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801699984310499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168161771674175,0.0,0.0,0.3960679253293988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048237252769537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jademists,2019/01/15,"Depression is back and so are the thoughts I don’t know why but the thoughts are back. I haven’t had these for a year. I could feel the depression building up during November but I thought it would have gone away after the holidays, but no luck. I’m not sure if I can keep this fight going for much longer. I almost lost it the last time. I don’t see why I’m taking meds if they aren’t working. Hell I would stop taking my antiseizure meds in the hopes that I would have one that I don’t wake up from. If it happens that way it wouldn’t be my fault. Instead I keep taking them because withdrawal sucks.

So with the whole unable to stop meds due to withdrawal I’m left with one other option. I’ve been fantasizing about it for the past week. I know exactly how I would do it, but I don’t have the one thing that I need. I have this constant nagging itch go buy what I need. However if I do that it’s over. I know I wouldn’t have the strength to not go through with it. I don’t actually want to go through with it though, but I can’t stop thinking of it. I already do what I can to help the thoughts go away which is sleeping and just trying to keep my mind busy. It’s not working though and I might have to break my 5 month clean streak from cutting. I hate this. It goes away but when it comes back it’s a little bit harder to fight. I just know that one day in the future I will just say screw it and be done with it.",1.3131317547055268,2.9209615639344264,2.5499817850637534,96.9004068002429,79.2622950819672,5.961141469338193,21.132361870066788,6.775458762138228,0.11403582270795365,1107,30,268,11,27,355,137,305,0.181,0.736,0.084,-0.9854,2,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,0,2,4,14,16,8,0,14,0,37,4,3,1,2,61,72,20,0,15,16,0,1,0,0,8,1,1,1,0,31,10,0,6,10,1,1,7,14,12,0,4,9,3,34,4,31,52,3,37,1,3,1,1,6,10,3,9,18,184,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.08755027770949231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983802848980732,0.0,0.09900429310345248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25287457095935084,0.20695915207378965,0.0,0.054690292878074614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794708706230712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728274609169589,0.0,0.09695157052271802,0.0,0.07163125579197421,0.0,0.0,0.05785966457563067,0.0,0.15454523076082674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181103975992584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536331428092501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25493952619365257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933592805786888,0.0,0.0,0.08857638416513472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013502074698125,0.0,0.0,0.0891086417728786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923221129381314,0.0,0.0,0.19722317802432746,0.07313085119390635,0.0,0.0,0.09747714564275048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991941555303781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793606326817593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989641304386776,0.0,0.0,0.0951749368276652,0.09058800223803216,0.0,0.07161078521444837,0.0,0.06595188673624751,0.13304716745567025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431766543380153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564446819384046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134609287198296,0.0,0.0,0.07149236583970754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978120549958724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502081645922486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845566578593805,0.0,0.2023667325463528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059603598542806224,0.057486655103138634,0.17629184125912292,0.2848992432085873,0.052314362121463766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091155554416311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291706508293551,0.07121271298478689,0.07196509520184265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191021715787554,0.10016517157960064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306292349141875,0.0,0.0,0.2549278638985968,0.0,0.0,0.057774428747792574
suicidewatch,Spatzekoar,2019/01/15,"why do i exist i hate myself

the only reason im alive is that i dont want to disappoint the people that tell me to stay alive

why am i this way

why am i not somebody else, someone who succeeds at life someone who has a reason to stay alive

please if anyone can kill me fucking do it

im done, i just had the a mental breakdown, no matter who i turn to they all leave me behind, noone cares noone wants me to be here

why can't i just be normal

​",0.3618181818181796,2.2355036161616155,2.4548383838383856,95.09559090909092,83.54545454545455,4.364040404040405,17.980808080808078,4.935628992294339,-0.6186088888888883,354,8,80,1,10,119,62,99,0.124,0.688,0.188,0.6844,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,3,0,5,0,13,2,0,2,1,11,19,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,14,2,7,15,1,6,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,2,53,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172780327905114,0.1701577845047311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791568879427766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427749582111147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433043667692908,0.16411991140000773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169812267904128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294600492017263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382555156404899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30252353919638125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492791759315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827678620820506,0.0,0.0,0.09891082224709552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411222869454206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372045128509172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650288510089834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708259810086822,0.0,0.0,0.15371631676807193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28795849036402266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373023071803164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985172360469873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239671331457012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231780698643674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519247626055966,0.11115322042853623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054390235413769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701577845047311,0.0
suicidewatch,MoreSkittlesPlease,2019/01/15,"I just feel like I'm here to keep people happy... Hey all. I'm posting because I just keep getting closer and closer to finally ending everything... 

I've been depressed for a long time, but I had one of the one nights in a while yesterday, and I keep thinking of just ending it all now and getting it over with. I've got a lot of issues, don't like who I am, in my 20's and live at home, I'm an alcoholic, had a lot of bad things happen in the last few years. My best friend killed himself a couple of weeks ago without any warning too.

I'm used to being depressed, but last night I went on my work night out. I've previously told my colleague I have feelings for her and was turned down. I'm absolutely fine with that, I'm not complaining about being rejected, shit happens. Last night though, our night out got messy. I spent the last couple of hours looking after other people who were a mess, making sure they had taxis home, getting them water, picking them up when they fall or pass out. All that time, my work colleague who calls herself my work wife is getting with another one of our colleagues. 

I know it's the right thing to do, I should look after other people when they need help, I honestly have no problem with her getting with who she wants, she's not leading me on, but we all left the bar, I'd been putting others in taxis, making sure they had a way home or were okay making it back, and I'm left there all by myself. I spent so long trying to look after other people when I'm so low myself, and my reward is loneliness again, while everybody I know walks off. I just walked home 7 miles just crying, not a single person text me to see if I was okay or if I found a way home... I tried to hard to help other people when I'm so desperately low, and my reward is watching someone I care about get with someone else, and then being left on my own. 

I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself over one bad night, but I've lost so much recently, I don't remember the last time I was happy, and I don't want to keep having more days like this. I kept telling myself if I'd got a taxi home last night, I would have put a plastic bag over my head and just gone to sleep. I needed to walk home and take my time to convince myself not to. ",5.5373390557939945,4.642410261802578,6.16372017167382,84.07162317596568,67.62660944206009,8.74355364806867,28.296652360515022,7.554174236665415,1.4644406180257503,1746,45,378,15,25,572,207,466,0.149,0.716,0.135,-0.8891,0,1,1,0,0,1,55.0,3,0,6,8,23,31,3,0,18,2,28,6,3,6,7,78,83,34,2,10,22,1,3,3,1,2,1,1,7,1,18,22,3,5,7,1,2,11,10,14,0,4,22,9,57,17,53,56,13,82,0,6,5,0,30,26,1,8,45,243,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181155399250649,0.062464256284055976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974735660130932,0.06128892256710303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494370968092611,0.09760502648356352,0.0356299968498223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133866932860056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968301248987388,0.0,0.059592699348166724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934551867390814,0.06420353411979725,0.03769480026661128,0.0,0.1006841579261474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488266791659133,0.0,0.10353701497212456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052530235074106334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910718922387893,0.0417560112106414,0.0,0.06402807456626543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408636371590715,0.045157589107172894,0.0,0.1832232895307608,0.0,0.0332179406514629,0.0,0.14024112811674247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337259934158588,0.12444019583269267,0.05235886599452262,0.0,0.05998558528269503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835432896860259,0.0,0.4104041219857992,0.0,0.057560538120671426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100562004775411,0.0,0.20780879594793814,0.12933042221752025,0.0,0.06424413585958216,0.2858626488038043,0.0,0.0,0.1905151833758003,0.0,0.0,0.08566575669505111,0.0,0.05161157977618104,0.10345113550144684,0.1472474373865199,0.0,0.06380403984137438,0.09938258004873073,0.0,0.0,0.1170455792059344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296677514401096,0.08667845622790164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839533014031287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842634902925107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026060505655802,0.05103545378965888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597803069325362,0.0,0.0,0.055927844738493666,0.0,0.11751487293977507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771138305781332,0.0,0.0662113768534216,0.04991516720240295,0.0,0.04648102854272694,0.0,0.0,0.04657632343154496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059997107320450535,0.0,0.0,0.05849125870024341,0.0,0.099047376540027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110175071100014,0.0,0.043946409644151,0.0,0.05108704375856799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766190000308601,0.037451789567080486,0.0574258924039342,0.0,0.13632843852152646,0.0,0.0,0.055850569662437066,0.0,0.07936613310865535,0.06357577961040642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048121062769585,0.0,0.0,0.06894952515285238,0.09278826664804593,0.04688430031002398,0.0,0.0,0.05418285260581433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634279602813616,0.0,0.12765480810818033,0.0,0.0,0.04152052635688274,0.0,0.0,0.037639270260872715
suicidewatch,lowranker,2019/01/15,"Trusting people? Hey. I, uh, I want to share a story.

Well, first suicide attempt of mine last summer. Details don't matter. The thing is that I went rambling and venting to a friend of mine. An internet friend. The one I considered the dearest. That... might've been a mistake.
He was supportive at first. Then I was ignored for some time. Rambling depression is tough, I understand, but they never told me that they are not fine with it.
Out of nowhere.
'Your suicide attempts make me laugh my ass off'
I was... You know.
Apparently that was a joke. A joke to see how I'll react. To see if I was serious about my suicidality or not.

You know. Stab someone. Then 'sorry, I just wanted to see how you'll react'.

Then many things were said my way.
>Do you even know how much you hurt me?
>Get your shit together already.
>Ugh, I know what's your problem. Go and fix it, duh.
>Oh, you can't fix it? Well, continue onwards being the slump you currently are, waiting for some miracle to happen.
>Look, I could've told your IRL friends about that. But I didn't.

That last one. Racket? Going for chantage when dealing with a suicidal person?
What is wrong with them?

Well, half a year passed, I still haven't fixed that. I still want to be friends with the person. Really do. Talked just one time recently. They either don't want to hear about that at all, or just as hostile.
It hurts, but I can't leave it.


Well... I have a few other dear friends. Great ones. To whom I can turn back to and be supported. Thanks to them, I'm still here.
Unfortunately, after that incident I don't even want to tell my parents about my mental state. I'm scared.

Wish no one of you would have to face someone like that.",0.5707671502335856,3.0684363373494,1.802448979591837,94.20785714285715,93.7590361445783,4.878878780427835,20.028522252274406,6.591547111509431,0.3468412097369069,1312,44,272,18,49,415,176,332,0.17,0.631,0.2,0.6873,3,0,0,0,0,2,83.0,0,12,5,4,22,33,2,1,14,1,28,3,3,6,2,47,58,17,4,10,12,1,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,2,21,8,0,2,5,2,0,4,11,12,5,8,12,5,45,21,34,41,6,31,0,3,3,1,36,4,2,5,22,189,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108717565866106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346972118813247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590308939589316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509720199695561,0.07109332403803023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903645632498192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042040633629535,0.0,0.0,0.3188588136703018,0.0,0.04312480057183324,0.0,0.09382106846809968,0.0,0.0,0.0910028724964882,0.0,0.0,0.07299163893326155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303085964904524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672588702961187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145175019723295,0.13456553205841654,0.0,0.08740008494049102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040325863407108406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931451114396772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509744174987332,0.08368465651974102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318294576945441,0.08756404310735083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067788480533282,0.0,0.06366149720961288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27966305721998885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165314909699256,0.0,0.0,0.05722424620361718,0.14414502255091646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898156910958867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287853397311037,0.0,0.08150029043142049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851636644458056,0.0,0.08263896526736852,0.0,0.19732591834245256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472820113777907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987517759530765,0.0,0.0,0.092399037684946,0.0,0.0,0.19775450018320198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611503071351404,0.1873354205897856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634415199065967,0.07214536687563032,0.0759936055258575,0.0,0.0,0.10967450562338453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626183557614644,0.0,0.0,0.15774488175717524,0.0,0.0,0.08978201921554206,0.0,0.08592915764257705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24342712075695136,0.06551801637528078,0.0,0.0,0.29686076871592665,0.0765172828963915,0.0,0.0,0.09491925364884668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058635485369696996,0.09024674522054844,0.0,0.0531543569977317
suicidewatch,warchief_blackhand,2019/01/15,"Failed artist and I just want out. Posted a longer version on r/despression and i might as well post here because i do think about ending my life a lot.


i'm and 18 year old college student. my family is abusive, i lost all my friends/the person i loved most, i'm constantly ill and I hate myself. The one positive in my life was running an instaram page for my art work and writing, but my art's been getting worse and people hate it. when i posted a new piece today, they thought it was ""ironic"".


The one good thing about my life has been ruined. I have no one to turn to to help me, and I'm kidding myself if i think my life will get any better, or that people will like my art, or that i'll ever get published and on and on and fucking on.


I just want things to stop. ",3.261784511784512,3.8222275802469134,4.357340067340068,90.0534848484849,72.58024691358024,6.878563411896746,25.221099887766556,6.574015621080383,0.7415975308641976,596,17,133,4,11,195,98,162,0.168,0.69,0.141,-0.7738,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,4,8,11,3,0,6,0,11,7,0,0,2,29,28,16,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,6,11,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,6,1,3,6,0,23,5,14,19,6,19,0,3,0,2,6,6,1,6,10,88,29,5,0.0,0.15943581859336664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150783747087513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202869925478089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190105366062654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454154074182149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918337656165845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172044697498785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685455169210505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440184600456655,0.21091172385923712,0.0,0.0,0.11286553262735195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657073200889967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019512004682824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38018489729429694,0.06574095999306481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689202520696432,0.11440112953619555,0.12144886965114053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275067582896747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996232801864013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120182372603762,0.0,0.2735512592099387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657886341211727,0.1174957131736057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866240907036198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250116433245444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879610446667166,0.17244579593425968,0.0,0.10682843841763784,0.0,0.0,0.1275505239675886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636651604352496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587381521913181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209888039013695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796387677559687,0.0,0.13713176715797235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665452296872556
suicidewatch,demone-ventosa,2019/01/15,"Feel like I'm ceasing to exist. I feel like I'm going insane. Every negative thought trancends into horrible, crippling mental pain that forces me into embarrassing, over reactive messes. I'm a tornado spiralling out of control and I honestly see no reason to carry on. 

I'm like half of a human, I can't respond properly to the world and therefore the world shouldn't have to take me on. I can't cope with normal human emotions, I am a hazard to my friends and family, if I could disappear and change my name I would, but I can't. This feels like the only way out. ",3.6322222222222216,5.341050714285718,5.488333333333332,77.87888888888891,73.10714285714286,8.192063492063493,28.515873015873016,8.841846274778883,2.5093718253968262,448,18,80,9,9,154,70,112,0.127,0.755,0.118,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,0,9,0,1,6,0,8,1,0,3,0,23,19,6,0,5,2,0,3,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,1,4,12,6,15,15,0,12,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,1,4,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064827635394512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333607469201625,0.1589854336281427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398928008881488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777174267775385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771771097373696,0.0,0.30205136481373746,0.4267656892829072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538437946451935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131675570188521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891304604368308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067157435030827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510061945360294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144384412019185,0.2118834712609116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473408155309664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586771676478305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971752377308403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580833297596673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805647867744546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414529751632375,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungdarko666,2019/01/15,"I can’t live with myself or this life I’ve done disgusting things just to feel validated. I’ve degraded myself and tricked myself into thinking it’s healthy. It’s not. I can’t live with myself. I can’t live with the memories. The abuse. The abandonment. The fights. The illness. I just want someone to pull the pain out of my body. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, but I can’t feel any other way. This is all I know. Pain is all I know. Someone please talk to me. This is a cry for help. I have no one. No one cares enough to ask me what’s wrong.",-1.0684934086628992,1.0127992881355965,0.9666666666666652,99.80822975517893,98.49152542372879,4.31713747645951,16.725047080979284,6.139981653823899,-0.466622975517891,428,12,102,5,18,140,65,118,0.252,0.607,0.141,-0.9209,0,1,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,7,0,10,5,1,0,2,22,20,3,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,1,3,16,2,12,19,3,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,67,25,0,0.0,0.19558127483021776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225344259156796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637053499343618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431841752677875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183355855076288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168300139359095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132193805449265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892419511253592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056171268146614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503934615895844,0.11792623228514774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064312096150976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143660442367487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659401184130724,0.08064499481637126,0.0,0.43728021203363415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371177100065226,0.0,0.3512928064758338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119758435215105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279727004434682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267722849153366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966535109483652,0.10577036234860626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472544152047155,0.13102509517581876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804784246534593,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sororities,2019/01/15,"Cry for help (lengthy) My first post on Reddit; don’t really use reddit that much but I might now. This post is basically asking for any advice I can get on curing depression and wanting to end my life. As a child I was happy and was happy until the beginning of High school, it’s been a year since I graduated high school and it has only gotten worse through the years. I have only 1 friend that truly cares about me and the rest couldn’t care less had I died, I’m poor, I’m ugly, I’ve never been wanted by women after elementary school, I like to think that I’m smart but deep down I know I’m below average in intelligence and like to play it off as laziness for not getting good grades in high school. I can’t seem to keep a job, I feel anxious 24/7 and it’s only getting worse. I don’t know what my purpose is in life and I want to find out. I want to be a musician but I don’t have a single ounce of talent in my bones for anything. I just want to somehow eternally sleep forever without actually committing suicide because of how much a pussy I am. Only thing that keeps me alive is the recently slain rapper XXXTentacion, X for short. Now idk if he’s also despised in this area of the internet but his music gave me life especially the song “Heart Eater” if you were ever interested. I have a boring personality and just a dull person to be around with, with 0 charisma. I cry myself to sleep atleast twice a month wishing I don’t wake up the next morning. I just want to end it all before I reach the age of 20 but I’m too scared. If you’re still reading this; thank you and I’m sorry if you feel like this also. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy but it’s the way it occurred in life.",1.5426445733222849,3.5267259098591524,3.5062841756420897,88.5211495443248,80.04225352112675,6.3173156586578285,21.14540182270091,7.39963492309942,0.6603140016570008,1338,38,286,19,34,452,192,355,0.17600000000000002,0.626,0.198,0.7105,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,3,0,1,14,21,1,1,18,0,25,10,5,2,4,55,58,25,2,14,15,0,2,3,1,2,5,1,0,4,18,13,0,2,7,3,1,0,10,7,0,2,8,3,35,14,45,45,7,42,0,2,0,0,13,21,0,7,21,183,53,8,0.0,0.0,0.08190988244699596,0.0,0.0,0.08202174274229948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424792243330014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057079674913529464,0.0,0.0,0.09482431456539986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907255934022273,0.07472124995004653,0.07846926474805943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116689036097917,0.0,0.07142375001464209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115764150720933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844005322224122,0.0,0.0,0.07229435482984597,0.0,0.08711279943617342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486855897212401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592533859051279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084881598034128,0.0599642277974931,0.0,0.0,0.07671640892310133,0.07139631476224725,0.0,0.0,0.06484910511083546,0.0,0.1315600167818305,0.0,0.0,0.07040192500846773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870385685150347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946511587690313,0.056260843588379066,0.2660504530213313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329399050104784,0.1492131745496951,0.0,0.0,0.09225857273348273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371472318040401,0.12302135189573722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904332563423835,0.0,0.0,0.06699728604306396,0.0,0.12340592014222525,0.0,0.06473697679136567,0.0,0.08926738340635461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553498576498129,0.08931431736156041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465801683668304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077586372952601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839591800018268,0.0,0.05377184918079158,0.0,0.08287713361148759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840350449025929,0.3397927373737272,0.0,0.07641260585104072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694331117216221,0.0,0.16799416702760386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396000126198173,0.0,0.0,0.06703176985505019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181286992914074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727742030667757,0.0,0.0,0.055763658069240725,0.053783097951939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249415654915199,0.0,0.0,0.29704741278599084,0.06662485947412516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930455861032209,0.08091175756073729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107685868297726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810466376535438
suicidewatch,11134567,2019/01/15,Reaching the end I’ve been dealing with these horrible instrusive thoughts from the moment I woke up and my only source of relief is IMAGINING someone is wrapping their arms around me saying things will be alright... ,19.508684210526322,10.808310394736843,15.687894736842107,50.27026315789478,50.31578947368421,18.357894736842105,61.684210526315795,13.023866798666859,7.8407052631578935,177,9,26,3,1,53,35,38,0.085,0.797,0.118,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748404838908828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341034207093637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729419571806574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32024177950353033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33485079246608845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567702088996127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797393858932215,0.0,0.0,0.3342815756307752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LimitedInterest,2019/01/15,"No options left. I’m done. I’m in 10th grade and mentally ill. I’m an ugly girl who isn’t smart. I have ADD and depression, anxiety, but I know I have more but nobody will even give me the tone of day. Therapy is shit and it’s all the same. I’m failing classes. Nobody is sympathetic. I’m a lazy peice of shit who wants to do so much but Dosent have the talent to even do anything. I want to die but I don’t want to be found or for it to hurt. Don’t tell me there is a hope. I need methods. ",-1.817837837837839,0.06527640540540602,1.3284324324324324,98.71859459459463,95.75675675675676,4.761801801801802,16.40900900900901,6.42735559955562,-0.4257380180180177,375,10,96,5,15,132,67,111,0.282,0.59,0.128,-0.9684,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,6,0,14,3,2,0,1,19,27,9,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,8,3,9,23,4,3,0,3,0,0,5,2,2,3,1,58,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576384213354286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695731414865058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289425412771666,0.0,0.17748264980096504,0.0,0.21386193309147775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087504981362032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722067009148834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22593857629023825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976753973527989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204668080459772,0.0,0.0,0.2205958094016177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324740357758625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238891749494891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076640786343769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148077439461596,0.15279386955065136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42304353761143465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801090476104346,0.0,0.23565218056221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646257170553896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doggodanno,2019/01/15,"Just need to vent Some of this may be triggering to some people please dont read this if you think you can't handle it. I guess I just want someone to know my story even if its a stranger on the internet.

I'm 20 yr old male and I live in the UK. My mother was and is a heroin addict, an alcoholic, violent, has severe psychiatric problems and does not take medication or have treatment. Her mother (my maternal grandmother) was a violent extremely overzealous Christian and a cruel woman who could make other people outside the home believe she was a lovely church going lady with a troubled daughter. I lived with my mum, her and my younger half sister for most of my life. My mum was barely there. She was also in prison a lot and when she was home she made things worse. My grandmother used to beat me and lock me in a cupboard, saying I was the son of the devil, the antichrist and whatever else she could find in her bible. I got starved if I disobeyed, and I got beat, usually with a wooden rolling pin if I spoke out of turn. My half sister never experienced this abuse, my grandmother seemed to see her as an angel, and me as the demon. She idolised my sister. I could hear her singing ""you are my sunshine"" to my sister at night sometimes and i always cried wishing she'd sing it to me

When i got to about 13 my mum came back and got her own house from the council. I moved in with her and my sister stayed with my grandmother. I had a lot of pity for my mum, i knew she was messed up and she'd had to deal with abuse as a kid. I thought i could help her and possibly fix her and have a happy life with her there. Well the next 3 years were the worst of my life.

*this paragraph is graphic but i need to get it out feel free to stop reading* i started caring for my mum when she OD'd or just sat staring at a wall, stealing food from shops and begging for change so my mum could afford vodka,  which she said she would die if i didnt get it for her. I didnt mind this too much, but then my mums drug addict friends started coming round more and more and living there, i dont want to go into too much detail but this ended up with me being raped by a group of them in exchange for heroin and a six pack of beer. This happened several times. I attempted suicude at age 16,and ended up in hospital, then a psychiatric ward, then social services, then with ny paternal grandparents who are wonderful.

However the damage is still there and i cant escape it. I have had several suicide attempts, which have just left me damaged in different ways. I've broken my spine from jumping off a building into traffic, i had sixteen hours of surgery, part of my crushed spine removed and a metalvrod, screws and plates put into my back, which then got infected and i had to have 8 more hours surgery, and now im in constant pain. The doctor said im lucky to walk but will likely be in pain for the rest of my life.

I've only just been starting to improve a tiny bit (actually thinking i have a chance at maybe having a future) the past few months. I was in a relationship with someone who i believed loved me and i loved them. We were going to move in together. First he cheated which was hard to get over, but i tried to let it go, and now, a few days ago, seemingly randomly after a night out to a bar we usually went to, he broke up with me, wouldn't give me a reason specifically but just told me he couldn't stand the person i was anymore and that i was selfish and made everyone around me miserable by being miserable. I was sobbing begging him for an answer amd to not do it, all he said to me was ""stop shouting you'll get me in trouble with my housemate"" i then went home and just aobbed for 2 days. He's since texted me, he hasn't given me any reason yet, he only text me to tell me to pick up my wallet which i dropped as he threw me out. I feel completely drained of any hope, i feel nauseous, i feel like i need to cry, but theres no tears left. I haven't slept in 3 days and i seem to find a way to have a meltdown about everything. My doctors have increased all my meds (antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilisers, tranquilisers, sleeping tablets) and they haven't done anything. So i have started to stockpile them. I know I sound selfish, but I cant stand living anymore. I don't even want to try and imagine a future, and i feel mortified that for the time I was with my partner I felt like it was possible. I'm planning in taking my life when I have enough meds and enough different types of meds that I can take them one night, while my family are asleep, and not be disturbed and have an almost certain chance of dying, I've also been buying over the counter painkillers from the local pharmacists and supermarkets. I'm going to take them with alcohol. I'm going to put a bag over my head and lie on my back so I can't throw up. I've written a brief note. I'm going to write the proper one on the night. I'm not going to listen to anyone trying to stop me. I know I'm selfish. I just wanted to get ehats in my head every day out somewhere, and this is probably yhe wrong place tbh. Sorry if it is. I hope you all have a better life, take care and thanks for taking the time to read my story. ",4.173922116267009,4.868785423984897,4.9686853130112105,86.00568966205168,70.58640226628896,7.930314274694438,27.757797018180852,8.018070685757602,1.59766173509423,4080,136,854,52,71,1323,434,1059,0.145,0.772,0.083,-0.9969,5,0,5,0,2,2,107.0,2,5,6,7,37,47,6,3,57,0,81,32,7,8,5,164,174,77,3,25,28,16,8,3,2,5,17,9,3,5,31,68,5,3,23,9,4,23,20,27,1,6,51,21,149,20,131,104,23,131,5,7,4,5,89,47,2,24,58,577,180,7,0.0,0.11098039845475373,0.04570287196403183,0.102111150191219,0.0,0.0,0.041515191681363625,0.1001018256754647,0.04689712038601044,0.0,0.0,0.07490568203875395,0.038969336115911114,0.0,0.0,0.06369695563925865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289276276914496,0.03274716655483583,0.0,0.03854009115196777,0.04169186449106716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803652342941092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055309378597124,0.0,0.041420544296145084,0.05113019965638735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356520186075888,0.09550002443882803,0.0,0.049543775951828684,0.04034302965180212,0.04910417529016777,0.05061052152243685,0.0,0.18696423345145288,0.0,0.10288909790236564,0.12081528059825547,0.04828342126618335,0.0,0.0,0.09721183818414407,0.09786236116726946,0.0,0.09587241994489698,0.04098442962806697,0.047927068934672114,0.10977734293168848,0.0,0.05431214794904618,0.0,0.03912349251347502,0.0,0.08296139936867437,0.09678332882811212,0.0,0.06186634848815886,0.0,0.039459357437646635,0.04475154529016391,0.04209105132195078,0.0,0.044150583027064864,0.0,0.11840246534252112,0.03345795822896306,0.04496763413122931,0.0,0.0856101879238235,0.03983666603836485,0.056631417388881534,0.0,0.03618355025451818,0.0,0.12234320660181408,0.04492709025553185,0.21293307258919045,0.0,0.18728568136942628,0.0,0.05159252906507854,0.0,0.04141482879366468,0.0498552753658754,0.04195373793065189,0.0,0.0961296421060848,0.0,0.05278491045276349,0.0,0.03139159835532655,0.0,0.14093386357297613,0.09303273393027972,0.09224339319016472,0.054039726829667935,0.0,0.0,0.10117672506636416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772156230345802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176976300434724,0.04789056490222752,0.19847988877492492,0.06864164526388213,0.0,0.165419831082159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963256344537065,0.1268075523870123,0.08863023572578864,0.03126181505701333,0.0,0.047050681264086,0.0,0.1560648319199515,0.04717996015250393,0.0,0.0,0.047288620619798834,0.0,0.03738216066840499,0.09955348455275866,0.06885622100011332,0.1041796408615674,0.03612098654333736,0.0,0.049808102178937864,0.1758007755429406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491440217070066,0.0,0.0634713663315254,0.07123817970166771,0.09966857939447583,0.0,0.0,0.050716262841756427,0.04470800398005253,0.06493709126154085,0.040893323657682584,0.04893118058363473,0.051409267395095284,0.0,0.1055957732447884,0.0,0.0,0.05049457974863791,0.04481346371081475,0.0,0.09416147750000807,0.0,0.0,0.14053892665436193,0.0,0.0,0.09630555389996738,0.0,0.05028179703220069,0.0,0.0,0.1336485351469957,0.0372439863467004,0.0,0.0,0.03732034355413152,0.1279067471708802,0.0,0.15872603078623346,0.0,0.038741266868879416,0.0,0.04686745772913962,0.047740993022526934,0.07936397397364561,0.0,0.046319662585547226,0.0524264200988865,0.1325963517252241,0.04991842353710347,0.037401401438834095,0.1174650478894237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122839532503467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127839018476752,0.0,0.040934661299251995,0.04311811884569841,0.0,0.0,0.03111418608900747,0.060018204546125525,0.0,0.03718067485238801,0.08192720765035434,0.0,0.0,0.04475154529016391,0.0,0.09539089185081157,0.05094154630451506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044922365808967,0.10316126477651398,0.0,0.11049476545226436,0.07434871913381016,0.0,0.0,0.04210906239263569,0.08683049777270865,0.0,0.0,0.053856368983353116,0.0,0.05078907940961469,0.0,0.0,0.04772747521311835,0.033269270608374354,0.05120522784687501,0.0,0.030159325463443524
suicidewatch,bobcat243,2019/01/15,"i want to die if i told you what was happening to me nobody would believe me
i feel like im being watched at all times
because i am
please stay away from conspiracy boards
you dont know whos watching
",1.4705813953488374,3.3254062325581444,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,79.69767441860466,6.16046511627907,24.703488372093023,7.1686216300943375,0.8944930232558139,160,6,36,2,4,53,36,43,0.16399999999999998,0.698,0.13699999999999998,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,5,7,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,2,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26388384423872,0.0,0.0,0.17121395013096494,0.0,0.0,0.3164409911681413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29149566043998154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291740972802449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201482238145624,0.2006514805830646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836980961825114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30338461698983377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435718840548113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372174561838897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083076841666628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993669106329904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637758387464842,0.0,0.0,0.2683805078421773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566266635991936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995198977715933,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wretchmane,2019/01/15,"If I get kicked out of my house im ending my life. 17 year old high school senior, failed classes last term so now im getting kicked out of school, my dad will be VERY unhappy with me as he has told me im one fuck up away and im outta the house due to a series of poor life choices..

My report card comes in soon. He's gonna flip and kick me out and he'll make sure none of my family will care for me . I'll have nothing, so now i could finally end my suffering..",0.372476190476192,1.5986382476190502,2.6704761904761902,96.6961904761905,80.80952380952381,6.19047619047619,18.33333333333333,6.937597516519254,-0.18766666666666687,356,7,92,4,9,122,71,105,0.128,0.821,0.051,-0.8491,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,1,12,15,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,12,2,14,8,2,20,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,1,12,45,12,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353766401122746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469086439997101,0.0,0.0,0.12412017307456676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504358108470132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552407029670897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358345680520186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578427846922452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320823566440235,0.15056142395826552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223825608832492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325194118980141,0.0,0.0,0.6225646777023355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745201052390368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354906708123235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618072636070013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825756908465608,0.0,0.15119748151045093,0.0,0.09763863847538592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916521275295866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580245965458715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376835005875999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188887624295651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278878479488667
suicidewatch,DapperPolicy,2019/01/15,"I couldn't go through with it.. I couldn't do it.. I couldn't kill myself. I hate myself. I'm a complete loser. I can't even do this right. I just feel so lost. 

I'm just so done with life. I don't like anything about myself. I don't see anything that I can offer to anyone.",-2.5287096774193536,-0.8469941935483867,0.3409032258064535,103.66135483870968,103.83870967741936,2.4800000000000004,12.651612903225805,3.1291,-1.7969083870967744,208,4,53,0,10,71,34,62,0.157,0.7190000000000001,0.124,-0.1938,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,0,8,17,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,2,12,1,5,12,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310983848484945,0.0,0.4780793279296156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045619563884039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29726111460889104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918587983487958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146875031594916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165086046105898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867881112533274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321372240818856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517407760078285,0.14191348391965045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31709240417743384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24806768368395535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147434568989836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlatinumVolt,2019/01/15,"I'm ready to jump off a cliff I can't take this anymore. I've been living a lie for the past 5 years. Nobody I know actually knows me. I just nod along to everything everyone says, but inside I'm screaming.

When I was about 12, I stopped believing in Judaism. But I'm Orthodox, so I spends like 5 hours a day learning gemara and other useless stuff. I'm almost done, but I have no idea how I got through high school. I spent 5 hours a day learning absolutely meaningless dogma.

Also, I'm pretty sure that I'm trans, figured it out a couple of weeks ago. It's a push over the edge for me. I can't do anything. I'm gonna have this screaming desire in my head that'll be very hard or maybe even impossible to fulfill. It's enough to make me want to die on its own.

I don't know, I read a lot of situations even worse than mine, and I'm pretty sure that I'm being horribly melodramatic. It just makes me feel guilty. I'm just an awful person.",1.7955039905409398,3.3591300402010056,3.799414720662135,88.67212237658885,77.74371859296483,6.89340821755838,23.2636712976648,7.724431198458867,0.9559923736328696,734,23,164,11,17,250,124,199,0.208,0.655,0.13699999999999998,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,10,1,12,1,1,3,2,29,33,10,1,2,7,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,12,4,0,1,8,1,2,2,4,3,0,0,5,5,18,3,19,24,3,19,1,1,0,0,2,7,0,3,11,89,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.136492138385962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398558437535301,0.0,0.14005877465792774,0.0,0.0,0.1118533286789372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871263758784086,0.0,0.0,0.11510041336268595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758466323171427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476258173454002,0.0,0.1804080935169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516212110943896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313472752025522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452224711673645,0.0,0.18476454184160626,0.0,0.0,0.13365099063222727,0.12570539563394895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072205745621052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111866156504576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529530765474794,0.0,0.1435461257627629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777946269155076,0.0,0.0,0.2754859256637393,0.0,0.0,0.15789527359078542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306053219825802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833301381855794,0.0,0.12350704400818507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891177077852468,0.0,0.0,0.18672752077008808,0.0,0.14051738593814345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352095402249506,0.0,0.12212836856596407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28459446961255885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990702554111067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122958186258923,0.0,0.14155507231429484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572188129391987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693689319024922,0.0,0.0,0.16011674191764794,0.0,0.0,0.2636500842245914,0.0,0.10516421263328174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540671762366528,0.08249846327438766,0.0,0.11219461537109268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253863863803518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007116288060182
suicidewatch,dollyskip,2019/01/15,"Pregnant and suicide risk I'm 13 weeks pregnant today. I've gone to the hospital for thoughts of hurting myself and wanting to die...

It started at 6 weeks and kept growing. I have HG which diddnt allow me to eat anything and was in a constant state of dry heaving and puking so hard I would piss and crap myself. Overwhelming sense of doom on the daily. I'm desperate. I can't possibly explain it all but this is NOT ""pregnancy hormones"". I'm scared. I'm alone. I have no support system.

I live in a small town with scarce resources. I'm fucking furious that I can't get help that I need. Everywhere, I read that I'm not alone and there is help but when I actually try to get it and even explain to them how serious this is..an appointment is over 2 or 3 MONTHS away and I'm sent along my way. It feels like I'm meant to die. Like everywhere wants to help but not prioritize someone who's suicidal and has been to the hospital countless times already which is already embarassing enough because it's not even a phsychiatric hospital. 

Any resources anyone can actually share. I've tried so much already and can't find any place around me. Or at the very least relatable stories and encouragement. I won't make it if I can't get help. ",2.755311446317659,4.965018004081632,4.0729192546583874,84.83447204968947,77.12244897959185,7.526175687666371,29.019520851818985,8.456263369488248,2.3052679680567882,981,45,192,20,23,322,139,245,0.225,0.7,0.07400000000000001,-0.9884,0,2,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,0,8,15,4,3,7,0,16,4,2,3,1,40,42,22,4,5,10,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,15,1,1,6,1,0,3,10,10,0,0,7,2,17,5,22,33,4,25,1,3,0,1,11,11,3,3,10,110,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.2291117232167384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431616037450001,0.3886288791804893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965866742090032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208192874343492,0.0,0.09660209870078527,0.10450212981346824,0.0,0.0,0.11029191878072273,0.0,0.0,0.07155995144927592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685705843638193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436649033890512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011943930839974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129541478220507,0.0,0.15507018598748584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935599165208792,0.0838635531612129,0.0,0.0,0.10729247877229943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852531054572633,0.18399453918648406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515852483231053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31473659683255123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566859330426736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470180432145087,0.0,0.10365766122772943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835884279036284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369970507590487,0.0,0.08629527406912232,0.08704331557354271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226477311028593,0.0,0.0,0.1323397662599711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174219266065394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752802820030885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946430091275513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308935885891214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568115618594832,0.1332129614810588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319467376684723,0.06845114583419255,0.0,0.11127214481483283,0.0,0.0,0.15940042475755856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685917540092152,0.13847951469615,0.09317884428089347,0.18832660962951064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339060098069385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GGRIDE,2019/01/15,"I just dont see the point anymore. I been suicidal for almost as long as I can remember, I'm a lonely college student, I don't really trust my.                   ""Friends"" I barely hang with them and I don't trust their motives (before anyone calls me paranoid I have very good reasoning behind this) I don't really have no one but the folks. I don't have any motivation, I just don't care anymore. I have no hope in humanity all I see is evil hypocrites, I'm no better than my worst enemy. I know it's gonna happen soon, I don't know what in waiting for. Maybe I'm just living on the small remaining amount of hope I have. I don't know how much longer till that runs out. 

I been thinking of writing a book about my philosophy and thoughts on humanity, reality, pyschology, and life before my departure. But it's just a thought",2.1772489959839376,4.088689295180725,4.2934698795180735,83.99148995983937,77.73493975903614,7.800160642570282,25.52449799196787,8.648137234880735,1.8822141365461853,637,24,132,14,15,219,96,166,0.193,0.685,0.122,-0.9176,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,3,7,11,1,0,6,0,17,1,0,4,1,28,34,9,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,10,1,0,2,11,3,0,1,4,2,24,8,16,29,4,12,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,3,3,86,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230410971636547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022294750272814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214883352376812,0.1133331784482369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758437661124753,0.0,0.0,0.1433504767588783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550629060598548,0.0,0.16525584424858253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899617051633602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125226002409069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594870146080715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333069623644906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219727550593451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672320357767741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448500241615048,0.0,0.0,0.14312349133716915,0.14343959010720694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628355615709393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915068085065658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983258161830063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532221446823305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767082918246155,0.16664975437530669,0.0,0.0,0.1836100243898392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25832055721140235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772940220420876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385713638122923,0.0,0.2573538111039597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373660168700294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Le_Docteur,2019/01/15,"I don’t want to live without her So I posted this in r/Breakups a little while ago. This is my story:

I don’t really know where to begin. I suppose at the beginning . About two years ago I (25M) started dating a girl (23) with a kid. A young kid (6 months). I was there when she first crawled. I was there for her first words. I was there for her first steps. I was there for her first birthday — and her second. For quite a while, after she began to talk, she called me dad. For nearly two years, I had a kid. The most wonderful, loving, smart, stubborn kid in the world. I was a father and I loved every minute of it. And then, all of a sudden (and it was *all of a sudden*), I wasn’t. 

My girlfriend left me for someone else. It didn’t make any sense — I’m not sure it ever will. I thought we were partners — I thought we were forever. She fell in love with someone else, over what I speculate to be a combination of Facebook messenger and FaceTime video, seeing as he is, has been, and will be (for months to come) overseas. They knew each other before. One day, apparently, she felt a compulsion to reach out to him. Love came quickly after that. A few weeks of virtual infidelity before she ended it with me. A few weeks more until she admitted to it. 

It’s been nearly a month now. Everyone says it’ll get easier. It hasn’t gotten easier. Everyone says they understand. I’m not sure anyone understands. My baby girl is not, as people have said, the “collateral damage” of a toxic relationship. I’ve lost a child — or so it feels. One day I was a father, and the next, I was not. 

I don’t know if I want to live without her. Her mother will still let me see her — but I’m to tell her (once she’s old enough) that I’m her friend, nothing more. I don’t think I can do that. I don’t think that’s fair to either of us. And so, it feels like I’ve lost her forever. It feels like losing a child. I don’t want to diminish how it feels to actually lose a child — but I can’t imagine feeling much worse than I do now. I’m not suicidal all the time — it comes in waves. I’m open about it with my family and friends, but when it comes down to it I just sometimes feel like I can’t or don’t want to keep living without her.
",0.597810014461313,2.6227086811279854,2.7456466919739704,92.4837339569776,83.66377440347071,6.010864063629791,19.365554953000725,7.251919499444523,0.3294934562545193,1686,45,383,25,48,570,207,461,0.052000000000000005,0.821,0.127,0.9808,1,0,0,0,0,0,77.0,3,0,2,9,19,18,1,0,25,0,40,4,0,2,6,73,89,27,1,5,16,4,7,3,4,4,0,3,0,10,25,22,0,2,19,1,0,6,20,6,0,9,25,12,62,12,54,57,12,62,0,5,2,4,56,15,0,5,43,266,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.07619176709389454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384208772671537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309495224365751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054593166247728184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287533966636128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797252187030491,0.08929914487046489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176894275996105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070625023270133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304464206027304,0.0,0.06915293664100823,0.08067428294710605,0.0,0.0,0.07062500325472745,0.06578313445881492,0.1492115995915301,0.0,0.0,0.07360392891075156,0.0,0.2368680831214296,0.16733440490291135,0.07496604391046756,0.0,0.0,0.26564859932488066,0.0,0.0,0.1206439996065083,0.0,0.04079194458615947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939831375040602,0.0,0.0,0.08581801702222372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483075293529127,0.07983889436745284,0.0,0.11443325165655653,0.07825354009463488,0.20682993268632485,0.0,0.0,0.17469610325154974,0.1704602639270155,0.0,0.28186971137749145,0.0,0.05211692021523101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869606497391588,0.0,0.057395486628665116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830356421275489,0.0,0.0,0.07491686712901592,0.0,0.08192854617329877,0.08314932352340143,0.10581382203877193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541286742006948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477606363021358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304436703720265,0.0,0.0,0.05001804527850536,0.0,0.0,0.08382534409555174,0.0,0.0,0.07426898737256625,0.12417972925680665,0.0,0.0,0.12443432115943852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230856532177698,0.0,0.07722002561159085,0.0,0.055263213852836564,0.0,0.06235229308249157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540342865697373,0.0,0.14717306102072,0.0,0.0,0.06275523447606023,0.06824262996501904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005701754959703,0.0,0.123968634661578,0.04552725358165331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253952335934992,0.1625615604205614,0.0939168670492344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842070546695408,0.0,0.12525711890264518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257899634228366,0.08467104019931483,0.0,0.0,0.07956700572951778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055789505867788
suicidewatch,thisaccount67,2019/01/15,"I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m scared of dying Hi... as the title says, I want to die, I’m just absolutely terrified of taking my own life. A lot of shit’s been going on in my life, and I feel like a complete loser. My girlfriend who I loved more than anything else left me, I don’t have many friends at all, I don’t speak to my family (my decision, as they hurt me physically and emotionally for years), my education is going nowhere, I have nothing, and I have no one. I’m so lonely, all the time. The only time I really speak to anyone else is when I work. I’m very seriously considering ending everything in the next week or two",2.7040298507462666,3.755414626865672,5.2225671641791065,81.48623880597016,74.37313432835822,8.64358208955224,25.34029850746269,9.120678840339163,1.8670471641791049,496,16,108,11,10,177,85,134,0.208,0.674,0.118,-0.9553,0,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,4,9,1,1,6,0,10,4,1,0,2,13,21,9,2,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,2,1,4,19,3,15,19,5,14,0,3,0,1,9,5,1,2,8,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161733772745818,0.1139488097660106,0.16697674349249825,0.13410618313149195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086554097700668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33826356358802145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722724360493762,0.18331351779845534,0.14433848343418149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464622959639875,0.0,0.1536287537422546,0.0,0.08239992291576896,0.11642211887270115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590623612295748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852333555387768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744572386541957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706178250713211,0.0,0.23021378099507706,0.07961639230784127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854688478194965,0.14708213650225255,0.0,0.0,0.16522077596603155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331496300572868,0.0,0.0,0.15636916536426335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104291975244454,0.12394210920980407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439945359544503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295961868347158,0.1631562407534491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728107302307635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252928331228832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900522249984217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919297527275966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446306538861658,0.19224177743098106,0.0,0.1307205699419388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864034912459046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049440181076562
suicidewatch,asdfghjkiuyteghj,2019/01/15,"Panic Ive sh'd for years and I'm going through horrible panic attacks rn that want to make me die what do I do. I go to a therapist, I do all that shit but I really need help none of that other stuff is helping. It just feels like no matter how good I can feel I always go back to this point of wanting to die. ",0.7026086956521738,2.0780446956521783,3.260217391304348,92.17119565217394,80.30434782608695,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.31562608695652195,240,6,57,3,6,84,51,69,0.256,0.55,0.193,-0.6408,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,2,1,0,6,1,1,2,1,12,16,3,2,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,2,8,2,8,16,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589901696943194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173760300032732,0.0,0.1469253085052611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39661252127113455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322708501926011,0.13650441569304408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257779261730763,0.16026511121599338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25614783555173204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334986527305328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754441764373822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416801039840398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44837199188665217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806281619052173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240789421898153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961363128469463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187357976871992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185344816367528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254026275599897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304639368339892
suicidewatch,xXOtonXx,2019/01/15,I want to kill. Myself I can’t live anymore if I can’t go back to college I waited so long and my mom said she’d help me. I can’t I want to die,-3.8545945945945945,-2.4773618648648643,0.3716756756756752,105.57805405405406,100.08108108108108,2.9600000000000004,12.805405405405404,3.1291,-1.8531254054054056,109,2,33,0,5,41,25,37,0.24,0.613,0.14800000000000002,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,3,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,20,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155248585168631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446420133893811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301952765194797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808151560989568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325298837968387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519920263415707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809372185850105,0.2815576891200909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37261998671992297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30263882700988143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375312825207089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MindIfIVapeInHere,2019/01/15,"There is a cure. It's the cessation of my existence. What is the point of living?

I have never been happy for longer than a few hours. My only childhood memories are abuse, and my earliest thoughts were of suicide, before I knew suicide was a thing. As a four year old, the earliest I can remember, I remember crying after being punished by my father and pleading mentally with God - ""I want to be dead. I want to go away. Please.""

I tried to kill myself for the first time at 10 years old. I held a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, it wasn't a real gun. Just a hyperrealistic airsoft gun. 

From then until now, I have attempted 5 times. Each have failed due to my own stupidity. I was hospitalized once. It didn't help me. No medication works. Therapy doesn't work.

I have a plethora of mental illnesses and I cannot handle any of them. My biggest struggle is bipolar disorder, where I spend 11.5 months of the year in a heavy depression. It's because of this depression that I dropped out of high school.

And since I was always pressured to be smart instead of work hard, I have no skills. No hobbies. No talent. No work ethic. No GED. No diploma. 12 years of school, I suffered through bullies and psychological trauma, and I have nothing to show. 

My mom has cancer. I don't know how much longer she's going to last. My girlfriend lives miles away from me. I haven't seen her in over half a year.

I don't find comfort in God. I don't see the glass half full. I don't see a glimmer of hope in the future. We all die in the end, one way or another. What is the point of suffering another 50+ years when I could end it now? 

It's pretty clear I'll never be happy. I'll never feel like a normal person can. I'll never outgrow my PTSD. I'll never not second guess every move I make because of the crippling anxiety. I'll never do anything productive because I can barely will myself out of bed. 

How do you fix the unfixable? at what point do you set down the duct tape and patch kit, and accept it?",1.1832436275542442,3.6215815470297024,3.1841226037497385,87.54398251527283,85.01485148514851,6.012555298083003,22.457130819464926,7.378060373470096,1.0476045502422586,1571,56,316,26,47,528,217,404,0.226,0.693,0.081,-0.9966,0,0,0,3,1,4,61.0,1,2,1,8,9,19,3,2,25,0,38,5,1,4,8,45,53,16,5,5,3,2,2,1,1,1,4,0,1,1,13,14,0,1,8,1,1,4,23,11,0,6,11,5,46,8,46,36,6,59,0,5,3,0,11,21,0,3,32,214,59,7,0.0,0.0974254386695359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841937348605014,0.0,0.0,0.055917116278860576,0.17244416247182032,0.06290335860790022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676657380785161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450977129408242,0.0,0.0,0.1503742774784666,0.0,0.06996904135651215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565149418506559,0.0,0.09032239599984454,0.0,0.0,0.1416438286114878,0.0,0.0853385472644832,0.0,0.09423915895423554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565726630413722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927971536429585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041576394700916786,0.05874291862040276,0.0,0.0,0.07515390311434451,0.06994216488602373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934628920651772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058220814165326,0.0,0.0,0.17506414250228766,0.07365915744818505,0.0,0.0843885288008681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511496233368534,0.08687724156438223,0.0,0.0816698717970361,0.0809769398114225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097188940223752,0.0,0.04518975753694319,0.06702590368998634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017191320236509,0.0,0.145215730275021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488709876595271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283495785326284,0.1657307640822155,0.0,0.0,0.09630315940183748,0.06563273248688589,0.08739418887189923,0.06044623761913704,0.0,0.3805107577366397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805649102012676,0.07889893470996663,0.0,0.1725666131841223,0.08756897210547994,0.05571908007092582,0.06253726787873973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179736334483099,0.0,0.09026045134787658,0.2331930149251238,0.0,0.0,0.08365432528342501,0.0,0.0,0.09611885374992064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935922216558754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629411236742596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664360390561322,0.13104839747142966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801894698283928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596141632304702,0.0,0.1798857800609788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403363402819656,0.0,0.05462790313918325,0.0,0.0,0.06527897913432162,0.09589434116824484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558266721754022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699912006770446,0.06526789124011573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394486697615381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177085922377059
suicidewatch,Thrownawayboy1999,2019/01/15,"My self confidence is shattered and i have 0 motivation i had a long post typed out that gave you all a back story as to why i'm like this but i decided to delete it, long story short i have deep depression, i struggle to do things that i used to see as trivial, such as talk to people, look them in the eye, laugh, have fun, see enjoyment etc etc. I'm a 19 year old male from the UK who's been on serotonin for close to 13 months, i cant remember why i started taking it in the first place. often i think it works as i get some brief moments of almost happiness and then other times i feel like it dose nothing, one thing that is constant is that i get angry, often to the point where i cant function, like i cant talk or open my mouth, i don't know how to describe it. Thankfully i have one consistent thing in my life and that's that i lift weights at my local gym, that's the only time i go outside. Not that it helps me in making me a better person in any way, when i'm there i don't talk to anyone, i don't look at anyone. Like I don't even pay for my membership, i get my mum to do it online, how pathetic is that right? If it wasn't for the gym i think i would have killed myself a long time ago to be honest. Now you may read that and think ""hey that's not so bad"" but as soon as i leave the gym i get hit with instant sadness all over again. It only gets worse when i walk home and think about how much of a fuck up i am, i had decent grades and a good academic track record before i finished school. I mean fuck if i wasn't so stupid i could be in my second year at university by now. It doesn't help that I've also started masturbating allot, it the only ""high"" i can get to make me feel alive, its also making me extremely pent up sexually to the point where i do it at least 4 times a day, reading that back makes me fucking sick about myself. I've also never had a girlfriend, not that that matters i mean i don't deserve one nor do i think that anyone will ever look past my brutish 6""3 figure that constantly looks depressed, you know i cant even look my self in the mirror anymore over how sick my own face makes me?  Even me sitting here typing this out is just making me realise even further how much of a pathetic fuckup i am, i don't contribute to anyone or anything and all i do is take from my parents who have worked their asses off for me to just sit in my room all day feeling sorry for myself. 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suicidewatch,lizard81288,2019/01/15,"I think I might hang myself later. My dad and I got in a fight over a candle...he didn't like the smell of it (it's just cinnamon) and told me not to light it anymore, because I would fall asleep and burn the house down. 🤷‍♂️ despite me never laying in bed when I light it. I watch tv or browse the internet,  so the candle is always in site. I light it because it makes my room smell better. It smells humid or musty,  since it's all hardwood floors. I told him I wouldn't fall asleep, while it was lite and we got to arguing.  He said I was useless and that I just mooch off of him. He called me lazy because I sleep in. I told him that I haven't been the same after I lost my job. He just blamed me anyways for sleeping in. He complained about how i haven't found a job yet and that i suck all his money away. He also told me to get over feeling sad.

So i guess I'll get over being sad by hanging myself.  I am planning to hang myself in my closet with a belt. I may leave a note to him saying I'm not going to be wasting his money anymore. I'll do it later in the night, so if he comes in later (until he goes to bed) he won't find me in the process of it. Hopefully,  I'll be dead soon, that way I'm not wasting his money. ",0.7290534253168629,1.9963660959409602,2.851711856248997,95.60332745066582,79.92250922509227,5.303449382319911,19.531686186427077,5.511479884284512,-0.3654275308840047,936,21,228,4,23,318,135,271,0.16699999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9869,2,0,0,0,1,4,32.0,1,0,0,3,13,12,3,0,12,0,17,4,4,2,3,34,38,17,1,4,9,1,1,1,0,5,0,2,4,0,15,9,0,0,4,1,3,7,9,9,0,0,13,10,41,3,31,17,3,37,0,4,1,0,27,18,1,7,12,145,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905105479126624,0.1134666180799703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704749088916683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811942229070328,0.0,0.0,0.24938054592358225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206037759107794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924392883354925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746638752259694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895024988255516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463515503592068,0.0,0.0,0.14951720257037562,0.0,0.0,0.14249018620051876,0.0,0.07749938166834544,0.0,0.2181271224799243,0.0,0.15022144010343672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354412307461982,0.0,0.15734692084796106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27064247572027583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439086340083584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662105922095048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885852460065813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102470770890277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466173340388705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051731077120194,0.0,0.0,0.1279693307923001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971435839849094,0.10844293477330336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280255118204426,0.0,0.27292699627798644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737719668645096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212104699781389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824020318948382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968697955410713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tanner_the_taco,2019/01/15,"Genuinely feel like I can’t get through this. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We started dating my senior year and through undergrad.

She recently broke up with me and I have no idea how I’m going to get through this. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day and I just had to rush into the bathroom of my building so people wouldn’t see me cry. I already deal with abandonment issues and she was my support system cause it’s hard for me to open up to friends and family.

I genuinely don’t think I can get through this. All I can think about is our relationship/memories or ways I can take my life without suffering too much. I’m in grad school during the hardest part of the year and I can’t focus during class or in my office. Nights are near impossible.

I just don’t know what to do. It’s overwhelming. The only thing keeping me from taking my life is imagining the effect it’d have on my immediate family and my close friends. But I just don’t want to feel this anymore. 

I know it’s so cliche and seems dramatic but I just needed to say this somewhere.",1.660230179028133,3.9476336380090515,3.2144048790084625,89.13104269132403,81.39819004524887,6.73940586267952,23.635844973440882,7.893859768569023,1.3032481211882745,858,31,179,16,23,282,121,221,0.052000000000000005,0.895,0.053,0.0585,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,6,0,21,2,0,3,2,43,42,16,0,3,9,0,3,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,11,15,0,2,10,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,4,5,31,4,30,36,4,25,0,4,1,0,9,12,0,3,10,124,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483478121879114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813604613132084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344531987522247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640771971779209,0.09633203624564984,0.15399509944258213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28162765791672195,0.0,0.15105308568876166,0.10671078124746572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308075639011424,0.0,0.2341207864650556,0.0,0.08489106826961948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380721322545716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862184974134198,0.0,0.15590467544761202,0.0,0.1327679436011857,0.0,0.0,0.16418095812746655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110105249912093,0.07297520012124263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980498400989801,0.11075681696155916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017470801504262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360349245746422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175440212937864,0.0,0.1035551496154726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748599290062353,0.16036871727539756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878593584906633,0.0,0.15117158095414202,0.11902946945632023,0.13598188731882774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572567060378672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695046138172325,0.0,0.0,0.2246170345386532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923555653682573,0.19142200645833451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810297586359954,0.11856386826153276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398846076314822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885703748038053
suicidewatch,calivalley,2019/01/15,"Contemplating quitting now while I'm ""ahead"" Don't even know where to start...

I thought graduating college would be a start to a new life, but all it has left me with is a reminder that my degree is useless unless I go to graduate school. I thought taking a gap between degrees would help me mentally recover, but it has only made things worse. I'm not even qualified for a cashier's job. Maybe I should end it now so my loved ones remember me as a ""bright, young student"" rather than a depressed failure who can't even get a job...

The last thing I needed was something to exacerbate my depression, but I guess this is the straw that broke the camel's back. I feel like my hopes for success have been shattered every day since graduating. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

 I honestly don't know what to live for. ",5.419245283018867,5.9317251698113225,5.676408805031446,82.68517924528305,67.74213836477988,9.127295597484276,32.252201257861635,9.120678840339163,2.569454842767296,638,26,130,11,10,203,102,159,0.168,0.6890000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.6522,2,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,11,0,17,2,0,1,1,22,35,7,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,7,2,15,6,15,23,1,15,0,4,1,1,3,2,0,2,13,85,26,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358732562704335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526698135795067,0.0,0.25446151003185946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083580235792006,0.0,0.0,0.29270239189550074,0.0,0.12446021234381095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469151519685653,0.10553097810442832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717744262078202,0.0,0.08395250566151677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272989576529898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901339633544176,0.0,0.0,0.1467189859615013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931780033082999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236575999883066,0.12041126557645622,0.0,0.0,0.16049787852875627,0.0,0.10433878766668707,0.07216838032796265,0.0,0.13043919515729654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333227901799622,0.13977594510940367,0.0,0.0,0.2968085727347495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488667063736588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953228051607072,0.0,0.1426685998766384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000986869066031,0.11234748293439156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571180765470903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733761579223305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950021556572807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219525643792513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372183650504303,0.0,0.0,0.2091135178495227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106682509806468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962768001816541,0.0,0.0,0.2345458713830688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053898708424976,0.2098716630642089,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UprisingPlant,2019/01/15,"Every country I go to wants my money and then kicks me out. I want to be loved and settle down. I need help. I got a job rejection today. And my dad doesn't know if he will have a job extention due to his age, So I might have to leave the country I call home by June. 

And I'm dating this amazing guy too. For once someone cares about me, and
 I don't know about a future with him but I really want him. 


I just feel like I am always going to be unlovable, unwanted, dumb, Kicked out of everywhere I go and unable to get jobs anywhere unless I pay someone to have me there


I don't want to leave. I want to find a job that works with my degree and me",0.2076291793313061,1.9868841347517758,2.4811195542046605,95.21250000000002,83.53900709219859,5.4470111448834855,17.872847011144884,6.5431188927421005,-0.2296387031408309,497,11,118,5,14,169,85,141,0.13,0.742,0.128,-0.5106,4,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,5,0,11,1,0,0,0,27,28,12,0,8,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,11,0,0,4,0,2,3,3,3,0,0,1,1,24,4,20,23,1,13,0,1,0,1,9,3,1,2,8,76,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760271521054093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431966321466844,0.0,0.1441012767483813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908151479223633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146363166406176,0.10097033014427892,0.0,0.0,0.12917836885365316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384212674879498,0.0,0.2409731919103788,0.0,0.11303915767817176,0.0,0.0,0.13994467163110325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473441349897216,0.0,0.14177134018052315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610159275845348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553489286812623,0.0,0.0,0.29930842876738817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904953709878009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275610856833547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993495816866756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479871146668876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051802381529064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054333831477912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23950674451927886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339698209091859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416817609975672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289415220694204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doinkrollin,2019/01/15,"I hurt people. The first time I thought about killing myself, I was 12. I was bullied throughout middle school, an outcast throughout high school, and the punchline of most inside jokes between people that used to care about me. Around 13, I developed Borderline Personality Disorder, and lucky for me, there was hardly any time between significant others for me to emotionally abuse and permanently damage their trust. If you were with me, you were getting every bit of pent up anger thrown your way. Things never changed. I'm not better. I've had so many relationships destroyed because of it, only at 19. I'm probably the worst thing that's happened to all of them. 
I don't have a car, lisence, job, friends, or control over any of my emotions. Every time I get angry for no reason at all, I get over it and can hardly recall how I felt or why. And it's toxic for the people I love. I push people away so I can't be heartbroken when they leave. Because it's my fault. 
Today, I told my boyfriend through text I want him to move out. I got angry because he asked me what day he should go over to his friends house for the night. Because I'm always alone all day every day and I want him to myself I guess. I don't know why.  I packed some of his things while I knew he was crying in the bathroom at work. Half way through packing, I realized I don't know what comes next. But I kept going, because in reality, I'm no good for him. He can't keep hearing ""I love you"" and then days later ""I want you out of my life"". He deserves so much more than I can give him. I have to leave him I think. I love him and I want what's best for him, but when I get the way I do, it's like I'm not in control of what I do. Like my eyes are windows and I'm trapped in my own head and this person is destroying my life and trying to push me to end it all. My doubts and feelings are locked inside and all I can show is anger and being a flat out cunt to the people I love. 
I think I'm going to do it soon. I love my mom, and him, but I don't think it's worth putting the people I care about through pain. And I can't be alone. I can't just be by myself. Everyone dies eventually so what's so bad about speeding up the process and putting myself out of this pain and suffering I put myself and everyone around me through?",2.027280844984184,3.6677628598326386,3.348879477497708,91.81790335748545,77.30543933054393,6.086008776405755,23.583222777834468,6.807656815369643,0.5863993672823757,1789,57,398,17,41,583,209,478,0.166,0.7240000000000001,0.11,-0.9812,1,3,0,0,1,1,57.0,0,5,3,6,19,32,6,1,13,0,32,11,2,5,6,69,77,35,2,6,9,1,4,2,2,1,4,1,1,2,21,27,0,4,11,2,1,11,13,15,0,2,13,6,81,17,59,59,13,55,0,3,1,5,38,21,1,8,22,263,102,4,0.0,0.08410259613222401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703282205836316,0.0,0.0,0.05906308469839482,0.0,0.0,0.09654100020491133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263788593341977,0.06635900883806578,0.0,0.06669034838891537,0.0,0.05926738082400981,0.21635121347078304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449170202209557,0.06277820871107838,0.07749445112353406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474267704617788,0.0,0.07509002017938891,0.06114509547267746,0.0,0.0,0.15922570690519613,0.0,0.0,0.07797088826293419,0.18311123211364125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366857643248967,0.0,0.08135203734881258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969140458168202,0.06286938200634025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794173267580289,0.1356535457517227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03589085951181378,0.0,0.06815428354949102,0.0,0.0,0.06037763572176785,0.0,0.0,0.10968172960476248,0.0,0.1483416017620236,0.06809283404577875,0.12102288640500335,0.05953671133345605,0.0567711496475946,0.0,0.07819517132422893,0.0,0.06276954612554986,0.0,0.1271726656795995,0.0,0.07284847215321008,0.0,0.0800023800147786,0.0,0.0,0.07499685564829399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190421703169867,0.07598818083552422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043912886865035,0.0630924630203314,0.07853156401721315,0.0,0.07802019635413901,0.0,0.0,0.1503203310194254,0.0,0.0,0.10027400729274903,0.06935687923104453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203221623942523,0.0,0.0,0.07196506317962689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313378756140541,0.0,0.07544311086889621,0.052180268106756314,0.0,0.054746041381178265,0.0,0.07549064086980356,0.0666122208564948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398535182847442,0.15106066290262188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952617599006365,0.12395827486557685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653108668910476,0.0,0.0,0.2140709032494233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298178072627161,0.0,0.07620858687627999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436760579756251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147275715685112,0.13644806347263014,0.0,0.05635213649568556,0.12417131228930935,0.0,0.0672830628546475,0.06782677287586135,0.0,0.048192424150121455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061306046266634225,0.0,0.0,0.16746915244398386,0.1690276945836057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281012410502842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516760690081706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Panichord,2019/01/15,"Legal question (UK) regarding leaving money behind If someone commited suicide and left an informal note saying something like - ""i want my brother to have all of the money in my bank account"", would it stand up? 

I imagine if you do nothing then the money would just go nowhere until the account is deactivated at some point. But if you left a note (i.e. not a formal will) then does it actually count for something?",6.5593421052631555,7.706229934210532,7.106421052631582,71.18594736842105,65.44736842105263,8.71157894736842,37.56842105263158,8.841846274778883,3.6032821052631583,329,17,52,5,5,108,59,76,0.057,0.872,0.07200000000000001,-0.3736,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,2,16,8,8,1,6,6,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,8,5,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,5,4,39,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.2270290334292229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203590169375588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221813963103796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463386278393442,0.5055413354631508,0.0,0.0,0.11365913276752128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323020689211626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199257618153703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606168749098875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850095159883393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971202850722257,0.35820466678493146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544770727740221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722069708966314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305302281685392,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reddit-username_,2019/01/15,I’m lost I’m not depressed anymore but I am lost. I found out we make our own purpose in life and it’s supposed to be FUN but it’s not. I’m been asking myself what the answer to this question is for 6 years and I’m only 18 but still I see no purpose and I’m suffering because life is suffering and I want to end it.,-2.1752428393524283,-0.3643229452054779,1.2228393524283945,98.1155292652553,100.36986301369863,3.7504358655043593,18.96513075965131,5.565023196281405,-0.3238931506849312,247,9,60,2,11,88,45,73,0.202,0.6829999999999999,0.114,-0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,16,17,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,1,7,1,6,12,1,5,0,5,1,0,4,2,0,1,3,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766982652228905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334683363333935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223602268079592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509622656222965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119091710889208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738213298560321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527901647423561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545230093472002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669992540073614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993457705981948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27976014254064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990063108958184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994385424635766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473000617884154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608210302480395
suicidewatch,catodynasty89,2019/01/15,"My demons are chasing me and I think I'm ready for them to catch me so I can end it all. When I mean my demons. I mean my depression and ptsd and anxiety. They haunt me have been for years. Ever since I was 14, since that monster of a man ripped me apart and almost left me to die. I had to have part of my body reconstructed after what he did to me for those two whole days. And no matter how hard I fight or kick or scream. I'm still trapped in that never ending hallway. Restless sleep,hell no sleep at all sometime. I just am ready to give up. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. But honestly I'm so tried of fighting and getting nowhere. I think I'm ready for that dirt nap. Find someplace far far away where no one will find me dig a hole and just end it. No one to find me. Just me alone in the void. I guess its time for me to go. To all I love I'm sorry. But I just don't know who I am and how to go on. I love you all. Goodbye.  ",-0.8951619273301752,0.9813644976303344,1.148702606635073,102.48586591627172,88.85781990521326,4.464533965244866,16.374605055292257,5.7366,-0.9075451816745654,723,16,190,5,24,238,114,211,0.17600000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.111,-0.8898,0,2,0,0,3,0,23.0,0,1,2,0,12,9,2,1,3,0,13,4,2,3,6,38,32,17,1,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,0,10,1,0,3,7,5,0,3,5,2,32,4,24,26,6,26,2,1,0,2,11,12,0,4,11,121,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088028268547658,0.13536900194302248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998751990676874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279987249454324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518168813507593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429269189277197,0.0,0.11257439544081316,0.0,0.1356491907945688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347292476978836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822844412379176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583808186089349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828697938336364,0.12538233103612845,0.14856317671624933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398420911383766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708431210446088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183101000174065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420093093265511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592931600716324,0.0,0.0872453395484708,0.0,0.0,0.2847480031872863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008062945178298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713561727302846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153872909135115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278493891944506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162379232523182,0.0,0.26159500053948803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926871592953346,0.14631142863894578,0.0,0.0,0.10437967092341607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124782223136977,0.0,0.0,0.07621403338948374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873883078741719,0.0,0.12767794465873913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592535245878385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416851631334407
suicidewatch,Loveanyway,2019/01/15,"Coping with my brothers suicide by sharing something I wrote one late evening I cannot describe it.
It’s a pain you cannot imagine, because, it hits deep and sends shivers through your spine into your heart and suffocates you.
It feels like you’re slowly dying.
It feels like you’re in hell.
It feels like you’re suffering.
There is simply nothing anyone could say or do to make it all stop and go away.
You are stuck in a lifetime of torment and suffering. 
I do not know what’s worse - insomnia or finally falling asleep until realising that dreams like to haunt you so bad you’re afraid to wake up.
I do not know what’s worse - looking at his pictures or listening to his favorite songs.
You become frustrated and confused and tired but not tired as in wanting to sleep.. sleep is scary.. but tired as in your mind is tired and your body is rotting away in the same bed you lie in.
It’s either all the feelings at the same time or no feelings at all.
The truth is - how do you even continue to live your life when everything is taken away from you? I might as well be left here to rot in peace.
Oh.. that is until, I remember all the wisdom you’ve taught me.
That is, until I remember all the love and eternal happiness you have choosen to give me. I am so thankful. And for that I choose to live, but through your eyes instead. I am not killing myself. I am not killing someone you’ve loved for such a long time. And everytime I struggle with feeling alive I will get a good nights sleep and wake up, safe, knowing that somewhere, somehow, you’re with me.
I love you.
I love myself because you loved me and you still do.
Suicide is the disease I will break and beat down and leave to rot. Because I will not. I promise you. ",3.0354257565095035,4.8570606676384855,3.5061405448879093,90.99151603498545,74.97667638483966,6.363687543983112,27.571026440132705,7.0983637204850245,1.2649047753091385,1351,54,280,14,29,421,166,343,0.129,0.642,0.229,0.9942,0,0,1,0,0,3,43.0,0,19,0,1,13,29,4,3,11,0,27,22,10,2,6,64,54,31,5,2,14,1,6,4,0,4,7,3,1,0,15,18,0,2,13,2,0,3,9,11,1,1,4,11,46,18,43,43,8,37,1,2,2,5,33,19,1,7,18,192,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965813179415801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404844742507537,0.0,0.07123911861310245,0.15603189691443156,0.09422987487350867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477192777908372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812153876802131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854928936570255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270687390768645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668063381650934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258843886367845,0.18285911346661102,0.0,0.0934645225338444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044576480419147003,0.08184727271302658,0.04848965057247462,0.07156285264423065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082534158889596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011052954856563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887891560623276,0.0,0.14066987468522685,0.0,0.09624532805175263,0.09034217256244494,0.09270105741525596,0.0,0.0602644473234877,0.16673329840057266,0.0,0.15067926667092785,0.07550602646359365,0.07164779680836159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850257629735716,0.0,0.0569521482010627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051164993782228,0.08614946140686155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006758248300391,0.0,0.08186739549978463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057815431625522634,0.0,0.0907871103183136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330316477059853,0.0,0.0,0.06785034797714923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561465858776029,0.0,0.07229184868711479,0.06568394917029086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813712363748539,0.07133182343638496,0.0,0.08919559299134049,0.0,0.18665372802782734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855172484939711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950223008043067,0.3922538120298472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032428736145361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671344602415106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738979158211264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oct8Agon,2019/01/15,"I am not suicidal, I just really want to die i deserve to die alone and cold and sad and unloved, my crime is being alive, though I won't kill myself anytime soon, I just really really want to die... but there are some people who might not be alive if I died, they have things rough and I am attached emotionally to so many people, if I disappear will they realize that they aren't weighed down, that they no longer have a leash leading back to me? ",11.886666666666665,6.079040555555558,10.925555555555556,70.16500000000002,60.111111111111114,15.111111111111116,41.111111111111114,11.855464076750405,4.362111111111112,350,10,75,7,3,113,58,90,0.231,0.644,0.125,-0.8887,0,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,4,1,7,3,1,0,1,0,12,1,0,1,0,17,14,9,6,4,7,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,2,15,0,6,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,56,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798802043439938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133549276208999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7210100926797046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953667357124529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921512977185795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608436115361084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424713958105196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24081582584697345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337917580338583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899778398962542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115385340997224,0.0,0.17063981635356704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488204566312204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crybabycopycat,2019/01/15,"26 M, U.S. I was supposed to go on a first date Saturday night. I asked somebody out because the work week prior was the closest I've ever come and I know I will not fail, I'm not here to fuck around. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts. I had been crying at work for days, and crying with my mic muted while gaming with friends. I wasn't even really playing, I just didn't want to be alone. It's painful to be so close to your friends yet so far, they're right there on the other end, they love you and if you told them how you feel they would be there for you but it isn't enough. I thought getting out of my head would help me at least short term and it felt good to talk to someone who finds me attractive and worth going on a date with, but when it came down to it I couldn't do it and basically blew it off. I feel bad for breaking plans like that with a nice person, but at the same time I'm glad I had an idea of how I could feel better and I at least tried to follow through on it a little.
I don't want to spend my time ignoring the possibilities of my life that would make it worth sticking around for, I want to face life and death head on and have it be because I exhausted all other opportunities before ending my life. I want to be able to truly say that I came, I saw, I was. I am glad I tried something even if it means I still go through with it a month from now. ",4.376826677159158,3.7552338595317742,5.082120794806219,89.95284084202245,69.93645484949832,8.105528231359434,26.28388746803069,7.048011613610866,0.8568900649222897,1080,26,261,8,17,350,154,299,0.104,0.733,0.163,0.9697,0,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,3,7,17,19,1,1,11,0,24,10,3,3,2,57,53,20,1,12,8,0,4,1,2,4,5,1,0,1,18,22,0,1,10,2,3,7,7,7,0,1,15,6,41,12,45,27,6,49,0,1,1,2,19,21,1,2,21,177,59,3,0.1091969679798892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309512674469452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944169052074321,0.1020844245540546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117490710280783,0.133130916301854,0.0,0.09291857701416402,0.0,0.0,0.0965758443807337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24978448192959585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940635189543459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718489349378797,0.0,0.2398954836626258,0.0704230107072597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343220450588486,0.1128296581127138,0.0,0.14424713497916858,0.0987749091822086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563980403722625,0.0,0.1048462136320006,0.0,0.0998040504637456,0.0928828851803968,0.0,0.0,0.1687306131729431,0.10095083732090762,0.05705090883084499,0.0,0.18617746004425687,0.09158923592647612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413518494678245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319242586362304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327008534867034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060011797854324166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23138714346658698,0.053348122803069685,0.10944404898864887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855452693612236,0.0,0.07288982405492875,0.0,0.0,0.11894751031820233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715997804170475,0.0,0.0,0.08096816812733061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024739572436488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619327288928855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534658051663708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231031742513948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995437383608556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325361401272897,0.0,0.08683781178297703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252223661180536,0.08406516083209037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872048396842134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776838655460358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338039031269165,0.12734726033565666,0.0,0.0,0.10434238243804196,0.0,0.14827514676222733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576288036416918,0.0,0.08759122105389577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589933864379423,0.0,0.0,0.23271117911653616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pro_Sper,2019/01/15,"I'm tired of living in Eastern Europe Hello everyone. I'm 19M, who lives in a needy EE country [Poorland]. I hate my entrie nation, cause everyone in this shithole is trying to cheat you, and people are openly hostile to each other. I feel like a worm in my own country, my ass hurts when I see people driving expensive cars, and I have to crowd in public communication.

 I'm come from a poor family of narrow-minded simple workers, who can barely afornd to pay for my rented room . 

I'm currently studying sea navigation, but the prospect of further studying for 4 years pierces me with fear. I hate the subject circulum, which forces learning of unnecessary things unrelated to navigator proffesion (maths, physics etc.). I also don't like my whole group, who are bunch of selfish rich kids and ""sugar daddy"" kind of girls.

I'm living under constant stress - from the beggening of this semester i already lost 15kg and my hair started falling out. I can wake several times at night, because i have nighmared that i didn't pass the exam. 

I would like to quit these studies and become a seaman, but to find a job as a deckhand is almost impossible here.


I have a serious depression for two years, and there is no day when I wouldn't consider suicide.

The only thing that prevents me from doing this is my family, i don't want to hurt them. And maybe a dream of becoming mariner.

Was anyone in a similar situation, and could advise me what to do with my whole life? I doubt that I would survive to the end of this year if nothing will change.

PS Sorry for that text wall.


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suicidewatch,gellish,2019/01/15,"witnessed an accident today I witnessed a car accident right in front of me (the person was ok, no injuries) but after leave the scene, I couldn’t stop wishing I could’ve been in that accident and died. I might be quiet about it but I really want to die. 
It’s not really much to talk about but I had to let it out. ",1.5540909090909096,3.3361628939393992,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,79.15151515151516,7.4303030303030315,21.60606060606061,8.344100000000001,1.1798060606060612,245,7,53,5,6,84,47,66,0.326,0.597,0.077,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,11,9,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,7,1,10,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070130440172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217720621391672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661682663615885,0.0,0.257046459287307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666758465239576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478846349085565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194896651596661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32207263242245704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467161594758105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101595217598969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204451666845724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23827270834315875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826661727248153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890671468483296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sheanwade,2019/01/15,At odds of what to do I fucked up I lost everything I had and just don't know what to do. Parts of me scream to just jump under the train that it will be better that way and I won't get hurt or anyone else anymore. And I am not really afraid to die I just don't want to hurt my family or the people that would blame themselves for my death. But I still want to die so badly.,0.0807142857142864,1.6808454047619072,2.131190476190479,98.48464285714287,83.04761904761905,5.628571428571429,14.071428571428573,6.6274283507984215,-0.8458285714285716,290,3,74,3,8,97,54,84,0.305,0.611,0.085,-0.9683,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,1,2,0,10,1,0,0,0,14,16,7,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,1,10,1,12,10,1,6,0,3,0,1,0,3,1,2,1,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617510689188304,0.14536440436438794,0.21301209648731545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358290870334786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838654571831569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315225542076281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366886311683213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684183238389898,0.0,0.19598407676959745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219476646619996,0.1086160985923572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451099162176163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425317292974912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269409931373793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512907573956129,0.0,0.1441276083624376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133182298428853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602451492850195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452426798278103,0.16501667791690974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476820199856287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ste47th,2019/01/15,Is suicide a crime? I once saw a streamer get swatted cause he was said to plan on committing suicide ,2.6454999999999984,5.05386455,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,78.5,6.0,35.0,7.1686216300943375,2.5544999999999995,81,5,15,1,2,26,18,20,0.466,0.485,0.049,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597688580395818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297368743114234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372969185137692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331361282037576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7661601043619287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DogePlayzMC,2019/01/15,"My whole life in a nutshell. When this will end? Born by an accident. I have 3 friends - 2 real, one fake. teachers in my school are working only for money, and my family does everything for me to be depressed. they say to me things like ""why you are alive"" and ""our family would be better without you"" and are everyday beating me. my parents are always fighting. i never had privacy, which makes me angery. i cry almost everytime. i like to code and do some networking stuff, but it don't makes me happy anymore. I actually wanted to buy some suicide stuff but my mind said ""eh let's give this bullshit life a try"". everybody calls me fat (at least I have knowledge than these dumbasses). thanks to all of it, now i feel pain in my heart, and all i dream of is ending my journey. i can't take it anymore. last night i tried to suffocate.",1.9750538020086097,4.32895110365854,3.569913916786227,86.6505523672884,80.64634146341461,6.785652797704447,24.8909612625538,7.928766900206844,1.578780918220947,647,25,128,12,17,214,110,164,0.185,0.728,0.08800000000000001,-0.9654,1,0,0,0,2,2,30.0,1,2,1,3,2,10,1,0,3,0,16,5,2,2,3,22,24,8,1,2,3,1,1,2,1,2,4,2,0,0,10,5,1,0,2,1,2,1,4,4,0,1,2,3,27,6,17,17,6,14,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,3,11,90,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.13324477975013116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672656024039698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361344232064614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708248996977035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075983553536665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942410855923126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998439484809314,0.0,0.0,0.11760296924750308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948836176584945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418704320232069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271467025657865,0.0,0.2574382947273392,0.0,0.06903947055604244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549160210403008,0.0,0.0,0.13098302116820634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535093529212376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180230103999238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129952314491834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962290548236547,0.19288655853297168,0.1334145319076173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228498485343786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786796252391895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053092002645308,0.0,0.0,0.12813492134343593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925240347470924,0.1038459418001048,0.14528975246760212,0.0,0.15161314540482798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541408719460048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988220699130962,0.10858325843698684,0.0,0.13818725866611506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126146350025949,0.14935420814273753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266219370300933,0.0,0.0,0.12570904194722354,0.0,0.0,0.09071208644824648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185405392536863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053569750395696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320744027838755,0.15244367664993647,0.0,0.13162110594350931,0.0,0.09940381738607502,0.0,0.0,0.09699514372202016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bizlizzilzib,2019/01/15,"I dont know what else to do I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life by giving my son to a couple to raise. And all because I was on drugs. Now all I do is sit around my parent's house doing nothing but looking at my smartphone. Then sometimes I get called into work and I go work, then I come home and maybe organize or clean a little bit or whatever, watch something on YouTube or TV. Then I go take a walk. Come back go to sleep. Sleep 8-9 hours amd wake up and do it all again. 

I miss my son daily and think of all the things I'm missing out on because I am not raising him. And I'm so bored. I have no friends, no social life. I do mostly everything alone. My parents and my brother are my only social life and we don't see too much of each other. 

I think about suicide but it ebbs and flows. I've stressed to myself the importance of having a life that isn't all about raising kids through the years but I feel like there's literally nothing else I would do that would be interesting or different to me other than that. 

I think about volunteering at organizations but I can never seem to get the ball rolling even if i end up contacting them. I've done so many drugs and been homeless and have all this awareness that I feel a certain bit of jealousy towards those who are so blissfully unaware. I'm acutely aware that nobody really wants me and its killing me from the inside. I don't believe that anyone really wants me. I'm schizophrenic and crazy. I hear voices all the time. I'm a looney tunes but at least I'm off drugs now i guess.

I feel so lost and set in my ways at the same time. I'm tired of oversleeping and tired of stepping on my own feet. I've been tempted to reach out to a counselor but not only do I feel like i deserve my mental state, I am irritated that someone would charge me money just to talk. I know i sound impossible. I just don't know what to do.",2.2501396240889906,3.817724212658234,3.6564096662830856,90.16727656309936,76.49367088607596,6.5093977752205605,24.627924817798235,7.229369725052465,0.9021054852320672,1484,50,326,17,33,488,195,395,0.147,0.7829999999999999,0.071,-0.9866,3,2,4,0,0,1,31.0,1,0,1,3,17,13,1,1,15,0,30,14,4,1,9,69,68,33,2,7,15,5,5,3,1,3,10,3,2,1,18,23,0,0,12,2,1,8,10,7,0,0,6,11,50,6,42,58,15,44,0,3,3,0,18,19,0,8,16,215,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133961407997483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166542397234458,0.0,0.0,0.07850897560050239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781368407978039,0.0,0.1075212245402539,0.0,0.0,0.09936142130680499,0.0,0.0,0.19256416791492748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005320171947351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519380324793244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758202207560852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214116253705654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025034335900138,0.1033595743788156,0.0,0.3068218092565377,0.0,0.14734506871502248,0.0,0.0781113360882949,0.0,0.0,0.05824953744860354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926067499194119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229609151830327,0.18901169748379276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813639780202613,0.0,0.09215265317814708,0.08460115362384063,0.15036348461964222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715268566140307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939803118420427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846308819558786,0.0,0.08685068890149822,0.10176094657597357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757063286973873,0.0,0.14540293505219246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491685597855617,0.1292574779032753,0.08839087488305065,0.0,0.0,0.07405850022451864,0.0,0.09627124755687334,0.0,0.0,0.08344876271428907,0.0,0.089412159897998,0.08860003821946108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887611131164108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483077022855313,0.0,0.06801858553974112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924390694715633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414695121684347,0.0,0.0,0.19585205611215453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129952402603252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027706669538494,0.08028606871995222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651002852621125,0.1797998963156173,0.07472422224713468,0.06789398950237581,0.08722347403127974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102286315222644,0.0,0.0,0.09646699392606348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630889975942147,0.07088484523667259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859039662317709,0.16952831735220106,0.0,0.0,0.10285013994863956,0.20272590589199044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403505516926108,0.07000216766097787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284086677871929,0.0,0.0,0.1879457577388272,0.0,0.0,0.056792320896188624
suicidewatch,OuroborealForest,2019/01/15,"Burn the world I almost constantly want nothing more than to destroy all of humanity, including myself. I firmly believe that humans are the one thing wrong with this world. Does anyone else feel this way, or do I have a problem?",6.092142857142857,7.705169642857142,6.165238095238099,75.79642857142859,66.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,30.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.673895238095238,183,7,30,3,3,58,37,42,0.215,0.763,0.023,-0.8605,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,4,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939054667745522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522734002904944,0.3007332238401322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33068255892388704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31717744776910645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568504808222518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24518793977921186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840626271856172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816284605005389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888834746077813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808471364830408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499340920147185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311838844842928,0.2329726731753761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209044876905152,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ESPete2018,2019/01/15,"I'm out One last year, if things don't improve in 2019 despite all my efforts, i'm done. I'm just not built for this life.",1.5503571428571448,2.035313321428575,2.934285714285714,98.96071428571429,76.5,5.6000000000000005,24.714285714285715,3.1291,-0.06420000000000002,95,3,25,0,2,31,24,28,0.095,0.905,0.0,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.544995333789921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341087167837585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761639495101769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608774670437573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538102080954297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429521565408602
suicidewatch,H2oguy702,2019/01/15,Knowing it’s time Lost everything all caused by my own doing. I have nothing left.  I have tried Kms 1x just chicken out right before passing out. Now I plan on jumping very soon. I can’t take the hurt anymore. The place I’ve picked no one has lived that has jumped.  Anyways. ,0.5049545454545452,2.9873701090909117,1.2512500000000024,98.336875,93.36363636363636,3.4772727272727275,21.420454545454547,5.148860815047168,-0.16259090909090898,216,8,45,1,8,66,47,55,0.149,0.851,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,7,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,4,8,2,12,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707350313296306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229636187369546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804383171329964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534789920427566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922439302420215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002944254015135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29660696004772985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410572245647869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980033710822572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619434986317655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849866646232182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28521887633438714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23313395407926546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525625420393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918402014511066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853438690946765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252472583235753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NectarSpun,2019/01/15,"On the edge I’m almost done with this life. I’ve been a piece of shut my entire life. Doing heroin and Xanax to make me feel better and comfort my feelings. It numbs the pain and takes every bad feeling away. I hadn’t done anything in a couple months because I got out on probation but last night I got blackout on Xanax again. I’m so fucking depresssed and sick of my life. I don’t have a car because I can’t work due to my mental health. My memory sucks from doing so many drugs and all I do is upset my parents and stress them way the fuck out. I really want to overdose somewhere I’ll die in time without being saved again and again. My parents are like drill sergeants expecting me to be perfect my whole life. My anxiety and depression is really starting to take over, I sleep maybe 2 hours a night. I’m just done with this life. The only thing I can think about that makes me happy is when I do drugs. I’m fucking done.",1.8771262361838268,3.8835949005235655,3.066657940663177,91.97571698662014,79.0523560209424,5.710413030831879,22.129435718440952,6.691623216298621,0.4657222803955787,730,22,154,7,18,235,114,191,0.205,0.6990000000000001,0.096,-0.9752,2,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,8,16,4,2,8,0,20,17,1,2,2,27,40,12,1,2,3,2,3,1,0,0,13,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,8,3,23,6,21,30,3,24,0,1,0,3,3,10,4,1,13,96,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065075827893691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136771128441031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752801697185905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993191730543144,0.0,0.08880899774095162,0.12967628507447154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406978540452983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176890810807548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161064215600204,0.0,0.1103884185029093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353867547001123,0.0,0.0,0.2466955559973819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961575347298173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134159551121358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29499375327480515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013705787929725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322581908678868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305932238769338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474652554471672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670036864038844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756380813242516,0.05196378552006136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419967933179978,0.10783579507798677,0.10685633336936676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718929212384526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848982525891575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962969476011266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089416002397745,0.1131781587438636,0.0,0.2362079409848319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362782376289865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644021622493152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528456327755363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183891745264633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994408220226528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706631179808504,0.06815337313837105,0.0,0.0,0.062021354969482675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273589019076298,0.08442631757823249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875093970740985,0.0,0.10253052379478143,0.0,0.07743382332746364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway645972,2019/01/15,"I'll never be a woman so there's no reason not to kill myself I hate being alive every single fucking day. I hate my body and I hate the world. Even the ""support"" from people is a fucking joke. Getting expensive surgery doesn't make me a woman no matter how much they do. I'll always have those fucking parts. Just let me fucking die",1.0366176470588258,3.4595279558823537,2.8220588235294137,89.96926470588238,85.61764705882355,3.988235294117647,20.264705882352946,5.148860815047168,-0.04777058823529412,263,8,50,1,8,87,52,68,0.259,0.614,0.127,-0.9066,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,8,0,5,0,7,5,1,3,1,8,17,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,8,2,2,14,3,3,0,0,0,4,3,1,4,0,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037794579060708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739572100069846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880221862167057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750914887314086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142954666332687,0.0,0.14214313333022102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6238685317154621,0.08814257432107635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996904416230114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866495746497904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251459208158146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261339855357705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401923951372375,0.0,0.13011743068452086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269350996193667,0.0,0.1169603640385132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345914983632674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914469865756336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theunluckychoosenone,2019/01/15,"What do you think is wrong? Please read. I am a teenager in high school,  I have been homeschooled since 7th grade.  I had to quit public school because of nasty bullys and being worried each morning before school.  I thought that homeschool was going to be a good choice but I was wrong.  It was the worse mistake of my life. My parents said they pulled me out of school to prevent me from going to a foster home and not get them in trouble.  They had no real intentions of teaching me.  I was told that my education was my responsibility and I made my own choice.  I would have suffered through school if I knew they weren't going to set me down and teach me math.   I begged them on my hands and knees to enroll me in an affordable go at your own pace online school but my father choose getting a few cases of beers to drink with his friends over paying the school bill.  The bill is unmanagable now and my parents are refusing to pay it.  I was doing sort of good in that school and my future was starting to look bright again but not any more.  It's hard to home study without money,  we don't even have printer ink or lots of school supplys.  I have access to the internet,  cheap pencils and a note book.   I try and learn using Khan and YouTube but I have a lot of trouble understanding what is happening and it makes me so upset.  I try my hardest to learn but it doesn't seem to be enough.   I ask my parents for a bit of help but they make up excuses and say they are busy and when they don't have any excuses they tell me that I am unteachable and refuse to try and learn.  I want to learn but I have a lot of unknown problems making it extremly hard for me.   I sometimes cry silently in my room because I am worried about my future.  I don't want to end up unemployed and living in the streets.



I haven't showered  in weeks and I smell like a garbage bin.   I have no motivation to shower because what is the point when you have to put on the same dirty clothes? I want to shower and smell nice but to me there is no point.  I wear the same clothes over and over again and feel like a bum.  I do not have a lot of clothes and my mother and I have to share them.  I don't want a bunch of top quality clothes,  just a decent outfit to wear each day.  It can be from Walmart for all  I care.  I ask my parents to buy me some clothes why they have the money but they get mad and tell me to stop making them feel bad.   I am rarely seen in public because I feel fat,  ugly and look like a bum.  I don't have a scale but I have noticably put on a lot of weight.   I want to start dieting and excercising but my parents only buy the cheapest and most processed of food and they will make fun of me for wanting to be healthy because to them it is a scam.




I  have no real life friends a few  months ago I joined a chat room.  I am not very well liked on it and don't have a lot of friends on it but it gives me someone to chat to.   I am addicted to it and spend an extreme amount of time on there.  I have severly messed up my reputation on there with spamming and getting mad at the perverts because they make me worried for other users.  I can be a happy when I am using that chat and I can forget about all lifes struggles.  I get harassed on there though there is this guy who uploaded my fully clothed photo to an adult website and reminds me daily about how wortless I am,  ugly and fat.   I took my photo down but he keeps reuploading.  I have another user that spams the main chat telling everyone that I am an old man.   I try and ignore them but they get to me.  I want to try and find some real friends and quit this chat.  It has a really toxic enviroment.




I haven't  reached out to anyone about my mental health problems  because I am afraid  that they will judge me.   I know that my parents will judge me because I seen them make fun of my neighbour who has depression and cuts herself.   I make everyone think that I am okay bug really I am not.  I am sorry for this rant but it helped me get a lot of stuff off of my mind.




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suicidewatch,bleeepo2,2019/01/15,"Told my boss about my plan in motion. He one upped me with his problem. Snlent messages to friends with no response. 

Hard to give a damn when those around you don't. ",1.2495454545454552,3.7759084242424237,0.8578030303030317,103.60670454545456,85.96969696969695,3.3000000000000003,20.37121212121212,3.1291,-0.7971151515151513,130,4,29,0,4,37,30,33,0.236,0.682,0.081,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,5,1,8,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,1,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383089186401078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33247558000376404,0.0,0.0,0.4128163291197283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854954324189807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916059809812365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117722621032829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112033195126858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,csasseen,2019/01/15,"Why not jump No kids. Disappointed parents who hate me, girlfriend of 5 years is getting sick of me, and just lost the best job I've had after breaking my hand due to them not recognizing physician notes. I fucked up 24 years why make it to 25. Not much left.",3.457115384615385,4.877285096153846,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,73.03846153846153,6.7384615384615385,26.461538461538463,7.1686216300943375,1.021869230769231,203,7,44,2,4,64,44,52,0.25,0.611,0.138,-0.8182,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,0,6,7,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,5,1,6,5,2,8,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,0,4,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835785794147451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498134725212479,0.1411784787898417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667857047045363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26815104981571075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935941587365467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949763856501245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037354163533376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986423440667978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30004665515516155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48766194048741496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480248563465035
suicidewatch,Nativgamer,2019/01/15,"No reason to line I've irrevocably fucked up my life and I wanna die so bad, but I can't kill myself cause I'm a coward. I sit in my room all day and fantasize about being dead. The one thing I was good at isn't accessible to me anymore and I just want to die
",-1.6167372881355924,0.3183767118644063,2.08625,93.24090042372885,95.4406779661017,4.983898305084747,14.154661016949152,6.6274283507984215,-0.5498661016949149,202,4,50,3,8,74,46,59,0.334,0.526,0.14,-0.937,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,1,10,7,5,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,9,1,8,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745606573930885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115805901237024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844010556450659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785452487112673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5746528664361055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559432233307524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322085174083853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062933380391705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195547235029779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876006219012961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846477529696574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839267372869292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329321325313015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxietyvictim,2019/01/15,"I don't think I will ever be happy. Can anyone relate? I went from being homeless, multiple heart breaks and trauma to having a healthy a relationship and a stable life economically but every day I have suicidal thoughts. Before, I could give myself a reason as to why I wanted to take my life. I could rationalize it and think that things will get better...but now, I don't know why it happens. I can't complain. I don't have everything but I'm headed in the right direction. I am supposed to be happy. Why am I not happy? I don't want to end up killing myself for no reason at all...",1.7279378531073455,3.9622853813559296,4.145,82.85925141242942,80.77966101694916,6.306214689265537,21.69774011299436,7.492282038375204,1.0171841807909603,457,14,88,7,12,159,73,118,0.142,0.69,0.168,-0.1527,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,5,0,18,4,2,2,2,18,30,6,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,16,3,11,21,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026499658184082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492084643862328,0.0,0.0,0.1298377204348167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344248274539335,0.0,0.0,0.09467753800153544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130026284795992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279416945934008,0.12369014233363144,0.0,0.13193950604013632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669992428053977,0.14082941409078512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298198044989978,0.4688322243335009,0.0,0.0,0.15066501188433715,0.0,0.0,0.1739654731641963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241876701360064,0.0,0.08068057890213891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073864290342075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018814406248125,0.0,0.1576143920116149,0.0,0.12537127418723815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058161918348215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037962370636524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753119046669287,0.1881343423964792,0.0,0.11654733536448135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317962269796794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609036393177187,0.3974079572591749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Conner1117,2019/01/15,"I Feel As If My Days Are Coming To An End Soon Blah blah blah I hate my life. You’ve heard it all before. I’m just another miserable waste of fucking human. I’m 15 and all I want is for everything to end. There is no way in hell I can do this for the rest of my life. I can’t live another fucking 60 years or however long it would end up being. To be honest, I’m tired of living. There is a way out. I most likely will pussy out because I love my family too much. My father killed himself when I was 10. I don’t want them having to go through another suicide. But it seems like I’ve become my father huh? ",-0.4939598997493704,1.4638679248120354,2.329654135338348,94.15262656641606,87.796992481203,5.651929824561403,17.88922305764411,7.03164865440522,0.09164200501253106,466,12,110,7,15,163,87,133,0.225,0.6890000000000001,0.087,-0.9638,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,0,6,10,5,1,3,1,14,6,0,0,2,16,28,6,2,4,4,2,1,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,2,17,4,15,22,5,16,1,1,0,3,7,4,3,4,10,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704785662832509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117009040922948,0.1651767308099729,0.12726412921053878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288322767618262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096453512548709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39739600829170796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441444581402584,0.0,0.14099139754331075,0.0,0.07562178307354178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765307179157872,0.0,0.0,0.08499811732139953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765905478804736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546544104302874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127661277966991,0.1461344461294242,0.0,0.2641275784665725,0.13235546183680616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349832988549781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099434499246118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615336274484674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359383173604305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718966580551378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642815036876275,0.2374267585505057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624278631713303,0.0,0.0,0.0963114222851328
suicidewatch,wedneswoes86,2019/01/15,"What happens when you call the support hotlines? I told my doctor my thoughts once, and was baker acted. I’m scared to go back through any system. I want to stay home. Now, I’ve been off meds too long bc I can’t afford to go to the doctor. It comes and goes so I thought I could handle it but I can’t. So, what do they say/do when you call?",-1.6929090909090905,0.2432117333333359,0.44242424242424505,104.0345454545455,98.33333333333334,2.7272727272727275,14.818181818181818,3.1291,-1.5314,260,6,65,0,11,85,51,75,0.029,0.92,0.051,0.1053,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,0,7,2,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,16,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,0,11,1,6,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,39,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637207348158814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542006161723098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095415072006833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274491532385208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011251983261715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105163446626329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793965842141614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733425463731528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011550160321154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774689823258878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275145923784095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356541777155816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947511437074416,0.20077257510393806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374581734299491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275670724960193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31840804146311996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162174899810908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828195023107095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,99Something,2019/01/15,"I feel like I'm going towards suicide. Everything I have been doing today feels like I'm stepping towards ending my life. When I look at it positivly or logicly I try to see it as trying out a new situation. 

However, It's hard to hold back the tears now and the thoughts are strong. Not like thinking casually about if I had a gun I'd end it. It's more existencial. More This is to hard right now. Maybe Norm Mcdonald will make me feel better with his suicide jokes, it did it last time. 

TLDR: I feel bad, worse then I've felt for six, nine months which was the last time I felt like this. ",1.1685568976478071,3.4221436942148777,2.960661157024795,90.41413858868404,83.13223140495867,6.037126509853784,21.704386522568345,7.321109707123232,0.7060395422759056,461,15,100,7,13,153,84,121,0.183,0.68,0.13699999999999998,-0.72,1,0,0,1,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,23,6,2,1,3,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,9,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,7,10,10,8,11,15,2,21,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,18,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635945534695598,0.12634991416354568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383451692490803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680577717312673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136001001827952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30605752813942155,0.21621298092327398,0.29059113990296753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600138950239151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711146531053938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466998708309815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688520429049404,0.2957186774801361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707474703482166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101050064522164,0.0,0.15202613352796568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078603745269705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615046604113408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923057999568682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058629928490935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700954518149405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310496111371629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696284233617128,0.0,0.12013501373217192,0.1764774533219941,0.0,0.1434382471125033,0.0,0.0,0.2054792558754097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421293219914767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaceJase,2019/01/15,"2 years ago I almost did a succesful attempt, and I still can't get it out of my head At the moment I do not feel suicidal in any way. My life is going great and all the problems I had 2 years ago are all resolved, or are getting worked on/getting better. But there is this one thing...  


Almost every day I get reminded that I nearly killed myself, mostly in flashbacks. Those flashbacks are for some reason very vivid, so I experience every emotion I felt during that moment. It's exhausting, reliving those moments almost every day.  

That hopeless feeling I felt, that feeling that there is no way back, that you're in a literal dead end and you feel like there is nothing you can do... Even though I don't feel that way anymore, I still can feel in those fucking flashbacks. And it's starting to driving me insane. I'm such a happy guy now and my life isn't that bad right now, why do I keep feeling this shit?  
How do I get rid of these flashbacks? How can I move on? ",4.410249801744648,5.1600855206185585,5.192886597938145,84.41178826328311,70.08247422680411,7.4125297383029345,28.840602696272803,7.321109707123232,1.5950869151467095,757,27,150,7,13,246,107,194,0.132,0.7390000000000001,0.128,-0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,2,0,4,14,12,3,0,5,0,19,6,2,3,2,31,37,11,3,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,18,6,0,1,11,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,4,10,21,5,12,33,4,31,0,1,1,1,3,9,2,6,17,103,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600651416705525,0.0,0.3321244845219292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518343124686347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964411992526578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850125038670771,0.09231155761605483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777982677644753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260190697137656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436320021129385,0.09792183320193146,0.0,0.0,0.07302271060482543,0.0,0.2794503935566657,0.0,0.0,0.10814722617999692,0.0,0.0,0.3913111680920846,0.07898286745174657,0.2123066005343384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022093614554498,0.2888107279148877,0.0,0.06283282639855814,0.0,0.0,0.12189090963691472,0.0,0.10947009318701248,0.0,0.11769135997619128,0.0,0.0,0.11346470589583325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826929171266338,0.12231637193451067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618118555101435,0.05401319802049216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750597004427145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608366503800007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749171614065269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578935630510036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367233987344096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944161791482238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348650020890172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825372965999369,0.0,0.1765839930899185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093282949406944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345001804711793,0.0,0.10862296269530396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122217129854092,0.0,0.2632680835617831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976166425352577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048775490491171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239183330985175
suicidewatch,yvngb,2019/01/15,"this video is so beautiful....  ""i started believing that i was a failure..."" damnnn

https://youtu.be/Okjc56O-Cao",9.016000000000002,13.168855933333333,5.240000000000002,66.40000000000003,89.66666666666666,10.0,38.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,5.974333333333334,89,5,10,3,3,24,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.846765068237696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319670283132312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tomtom872872,2019/01/15,"I feel like I can’t tell anyone because they’ll think I’m doing it for attention But every day I tell myself that one day I’ll end it all. I’m just waiting for the right time and place. Some day In the near future when I’ve drifted a bit further from my family like I know I will because I do with everyone who’s important to me, when my old friends finally decide to stop putting up with me, when I can’t find a job because I spent the first 20 years of my life doing absolute bullshit to help me in the future, then I can end it. The only thing keeping me alive is the fact that people might still be sad.",6.672773536895676,4.2987769007633645,7.427290076335878,80.70012086513998,66.25190839694656,10.565394402035622,33.283715012722645,8.841846274778883,2.475991348600508,478,15,107,6,6,161,85,131,0.071,0.809,0.119,0.6249,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,8,0,11,1,0,0,2,18,19,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,6,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,1,1,18,3,13,14,3,27,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,20,68,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803031141794555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087004710017849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428810865818085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32659005403979274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990170092046389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222299932174415,0.16129758335541655,0.0,0.0,0.1591315405942745,0.0,0.08535138350750866,0.12059221131575915,0.0,0.18491438416580644,0.15428200672380868,0.14358292924328,0.0,0.0,0.13041603760118275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314444941616215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750997841174786,0.15003900940040418,0.0,0.0,0.09276918679199278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922987313052552,0.1649363007365238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907228918890442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712934573118655,0.0,0.11438463113576093,0.1283815581564223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170260805822814,0.0,0.17636220442654693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969267393393178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415602009417042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480552743093094,0.1411260641425396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950808469397397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214457493450372,0.1081615314940744,0.0,0.0,0.09842982716669108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108702979558387
suicidewatch,darkestdarkestnight,2019/01/15,"Too privileged to be depressed? People around me died from different diseases. Today, my dog died. I mean, I’ve been depressed for a while, but today I feel like it’d not get any lower.

I’ve a life that you would call privileged. Thus, not only that I feel depressed, I also feel guilty I’m depressed. I cannot talk about how much I don’t want to wake up ever again each morning to anyone.

And it’s not like I want to die, right here right now. I just feel like I don’t want to live, now or ever. I just want to sleep and never wake up you know?",0.9367789968652042,2.7333097155172443,2.560658307210033,95.48653605015673,81.1551724137931,5.252664576802507,18.304075235109718,6.11248444174946,-0.3394724137931031,421,9,97,3,11,138,68,116,0.211,0.605,0.184,-0.8190000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,2,0,0,13,9,0,0,2,0,7,4,3,2,3,27,19,7,3,5,7,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,4,14,5,12,15,2,14,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,1,12,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583173270914396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999529808850212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253475259781124,0.0,0.0,0.11781008166194035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513327574767733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455934762970123,0.0,0.4120420638936098,0.13826645679538435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394170425558629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676590127355166,0.18908652032295006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914184979005444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273024738619815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934751986998836,0.19396296933855128,0.0,0.1168580731887694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441563519295874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728465154987273,0.0,0.10206826742642276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065004132760284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174744422919884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260341685902052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243492680785468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636935894337364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25088446504839024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31222871656261136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401007930565328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abi_Mc_Ta_Da,2019/01/15,"Pretty sure I died last year. The remains aren't worth it. I changed last year, after trying to get a narcissistic sociopathic man to fall in love with me. I obsessed over him, until it felt like I was literally driven crazy by his mind games. I've never been the same since he came into my life for those 9 months. We only met 4 times.

I used to be a pretty amazing person. I relentlessly achieved a lot at university, whereas now I don't care about passing. I'm meant to be learning a script right now. Last year, I would've learnt it 2 weeks ago. It's due tomorrow. And I just...don't care. I have no fear, no anxiety, no nothing. 

I even have a boyfriend now. A nice person, but I don't know how I feel about him. Sometimes I pine and obsess for him, whilst thinking I could do better. I think I have a lot of issues. Starting Therapy tomorrow.

Sometimes I get flash thoughts of suicide. I thought this was behind me, or that I would get better with space from the sociopathic guy's manipulation techniques. But I've never been happy since. I don't love anything like I used to. 

I get a horrible sadness/fear when I have suicide flash thoughts. Hard to understand. I'm scared I'll lose control for just 1 tiny second, and do it. Does a part of me want it at the same time? It would be so easy, but I shouldn't. 

But what if I stay this unhappy? It makes logical sense to just quit whilst your ahead. I see plenty of unhappy adults - I could very easily avoid that fate for myself. It doesn't look worth it. It doesn't get better. ",1.1983116883116909,3.592792077922077,2.7452467532467537,91.05429870129872,84.38961038961041,5.727792207792209,21.462337662337664,7.110495986334442,0.6312301298701297,1192,39,252,17,35,389,167,308,0.196,0.6509999999999999,0.153,-0.9442,0,1,0,0,0,2,48.0,1,1,0,9,11,19,0,5,13,0,24,3,0,6,3,49,55,13,3,7,8,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,5,17,8,0,2,12,1,2,4,12,6,0,1,12,5,39,13,30,35,5,38,0,1,2,2,16,7,0,4,28,152,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416243670136611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263216704795751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813110937648515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519116831411872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108591041698737,0.1936041828615683,0.0,0.10043853198356438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064881605930961,0.1516106738376547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853724439708207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308643955658791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627098470186842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367757726536532,0.04800671557129765,0.0,0.09116146422319656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480225181301421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400983255783192,0.0,0.10107002490592484,0.08505148765961845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909723295385586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217893115595467,0.23217694926419954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706200147857587,0.09277002611379732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972934074559063,0.106218440615047,0.0,0.1614365804156246,0.17138196354625848,0.0,0.06337609015754103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958667268154598,0.0,0.07578367348421194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464538700376138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110166344981883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220945570815705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281547761864916,0.0,0.0,0.16580348660142044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318507191782272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098500200492624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108195520863806,0.0,0.0,0.0950558564422402,0.0,0.0756583536011428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570778931051631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780477760071407,0.0,0.06720209883985594,0.10119804319871224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077074152492109,0.0,0.08948392523475109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857713746948787,0.0,0.0,0.12167301020340653,0.0,0.22612562296198446,0.11072562675232146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446098060439841,0.0,0.0,0.09884041561566767,0.0,0.16400286679979764,0.0,0.07833903123373903,0.05600063691493861,0.0,0.07615862974696587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233722415413088,0.0,0.0,0.18342314349080166
suicidewatch,devashish98,2019/01/15,"Advice on a way to kill myself. So i have wanted to kill myself for a long time.Please don't ask the reasons.

But,there is always the guilt i felt of leaving my parents thinking that it was their fault.I don't want to give them the pain,so i just thought that i will try to make it look like an accident,so atleast they can move on.

So,i just wanted to ask if putting a screwdriver in a normal electric plug would electrocute me,if i stand in a puddle of water while doing that and if it will kill me,how much time would it take?
 Sorry for long post and bad grammar.I really appreciate the help.
 ",2.454240000000002,3.846375744,3.728200000000001,90.5971,75.56,6.6000000000000005,22.9,7.1686216300943375,0.6434000000000002,468,13,103,5,10,153,79,125,0.17800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.9255,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,3,0,3,6,3,1,10,0,11,1,0,2,0,17,23,6,3,8,4,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,2,11,1,13,16,1,13,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,2,5,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459197784654195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242513130409524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27919957185879657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468109184418395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433765145121143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324724287720128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009016582940916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956217573527884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811482418578973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295321059580763,0.0,0.0,0.2642978746389271,0.12539635116504325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967635982619064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871005778350852,0.10977189661192223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630791495883685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889354416835566,0.0,0.16580900997306894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391526294711342,0.0,0.0,0.1430131672019457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011401762724846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566215076396564,0.15353214498721507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715839130406818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227467548481684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956821627527257,0.0,0.11854827745632793,0.17414654938021026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013826489059389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26422928371347737,0.11852814155996187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215401487517135,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IrreverentConsumer,2019/01/15,"I don't know, I guess just venting My life has become insurmountable at this point. Opiates are the only normal part of my life anymore. I've been depressed my entire life, my childhood was stolen from me by adults who never had peace themselves. I'm going to be kicked out of the methadone clinic soon because I can't take the sorrow of being without fentanyl or heroin. When that happens I'll lose my job because of withdrawals. My leg was crushed 6 months ago in a work accident, I'm just waiting for my settlement so I can give it all away and take that final shot or jump in front of a train. I don't even know if I'll make it that long, though. The only way I have to kill myself is a belt and my bed frame, and it's becoming more alluring each day. If prisoners can do it so easily, I'm sure I can. ",4.801077844311379,4.749811173652695,5.620005988023952,84.51444011976048,69.0,8.356646706586828,29.274850299401198,7.908726449838941,1.735443592814371,634,21,134,7,10,208,110,167,0.152,0.7829999999999999,0.065,-0.942,1,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,1,0,7,0,17,5,1,1,3,21,30,11,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,4,0,17,1,16,24,4,19,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,5,9,86,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339702921252825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042978096641186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198578633312848,0.0,0.0,0.19722379683323946,0.3573187418441663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432658274973662,0.0,0.13933001447382476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684583428542144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720826671843526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518201922932284,0.09193613468275397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820501599211874,0.0,0.1430503671990254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605291717369676,0.0,0.1789716472842777,0.0,0.17780625201711825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34278327108789125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431590480929767,0.0,0.18097632897477475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798098781221742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291211859633794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476498247424575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849769403246153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24606277658867465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517831737566794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292246975254484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246384900273466,0.0,0.24325788755301495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893563763390384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284034231537823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593798960615393,0.0,0.11776858529827745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeleteYourCount,2019/01/15,"Are people that suffer career ending setbacks allowed to die? Like let’s say someone is a doctor or a lawyer who is denied a license to practice, or a pilot who is grounded for health reasons. Since they can no longer able to work in their chosen career are they allowed to die? Like ",4.798818181818183,6.208236109090913,5.219772727272726,82.12965909090909,69.72727272727272,5.5,28.29545454545455,3.1291,1.0512727272727274,226,8,38,0,4,72,39,55,0.259,0.664,0.077,-0.9146,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,3,0,5,7,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,26,6,5,0.2637690403785922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475012403042298,0.0,0.0,0.2699787896787276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362107897643025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28037415552604605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697217146863545,0.0,0.25772845928023475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286424097904536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711985041808323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975972782313052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819247591522534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349065194989226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202700286972413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue_cortex,2019/01/15,I am so apathetic I dont feel anything anymore. I can't even think of any reasons to cry anymore. My head is totally empty and I'm officially just existing at this point. ,0.3717142857142832,2.819862742857147,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,93.0,7.371428571428572,29.857142857142854,8.238735603445708,3.042257142857143,136,8,26,4,5,50,31,35,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.7708,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,6,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982983351025365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783786686609919,0.0,0.0,0.2399623603180466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203094497920725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34175360685397105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925993759192164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474419712140012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992662332497806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275656720127123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29981387348629945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684582203179687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,opuscock,2019/01/15,People don’t want to actually help you When people say “don’t do it” it’s not that they actually care. It’s that if you do do it they will feel guilty and think “oh no why couldn’t I have saved them”. They don’t actually care about you when they should they only “care” because they don’t want to feel guilt and blame. ,2.6169117647058826,3.554291573529412,3.7698823529411776,92.25747058823532,74.44117647058823,7.2047058823529415,19.482352941176472,7.554174236665415,0.08215529411764777,249,4,61,3,5,81,36,68,0.125,0.643,0.232,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,7,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,11,0,0,0,0,12,19,5,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,3,11,4,3,16,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,1,2,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.5795226486198555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067071330017068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054808453788926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018263585249813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268416506812936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055267794424507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744722851784473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742069506257694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684071178777084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335163939803787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862238769303715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDontLikeMyThoughts,2019/01/15,"Not getting any help from any organizations i contacted. No response. Even r/lgbt had absolutely no response. If something happens to my girlfriend when she returns to her homophobic country, i just can't deal with the thought. I can't live with it. She told me i have a chance of a brighter future than she does. Bullshit. I wanted that future with her. 

I don't see myself being able to ""love and be loved again"" and ""be okay after a relationship has ended!"" if the love of my life died being beaten to death by whichever nutjob decides to take it upon themselves to do so. 

It hurts me to my fucking core that some people out there could think what we have is impure. 

I'm so tired of worrying. I'm not supposed to be awake until a few hours. But i just can't. I've had enough worrying. I want it to end. ",1.7357289002557543,4.083185875776401,3.2749579831932785,88.45092436974791,81.5465838509317,5.527365728900256,23.756302521008404,6.794906146795322,0.8232028498355874,630,23,127,7,17,207,102,161,0.191,0.695,0.114,-0.9286,1,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,0,1,8,7,2,0,6,1,17,6,0,0,0,21,32,9,2,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,1,20,4,22,22,3,12,0,1,1,4,15,2,1,3,10,92,27,1,0.16589087028101845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256229608628549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245036125642312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710262030160601,0.0,0.0,0.1721685325609904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517221850176654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938601441000352,0.17140961442514646,0.0,0.10956935526655312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533634364449308,0.08667113282866007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466967487264922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119315351989932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336909105569694,0.0,0.177589607672418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171736276553648,0.0,0.0,0.14648467771977344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491689617218619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500784184432958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810471175671194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219354565059271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771089663696186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472928907778802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629617129631873,0.0,0.1316988208131027,0.0,0.1906671518551761,0.0,0.1585158356505788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569346675197505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369404626096896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,malibumontana,2019/01/15,"Found brother's journal Last night, doing laundry, I opened the dryer and found a sock belonging to my brother, who lives with me. He was not home at the time to so I figured I'd put it away my self. As I placed the sock in the drawer, I found myself doing a little extra. Reason for my sifting is my brother is very distant and we're more friends than brothers. He has been battling anxiety and depression for a couple years. I guess I was just looking for something to assure me he's ok. Unfortunately I found a journal. In this journal contained pages of things like ""there's only one way out"" and ""I can't be this way anymore"". Needless to say it scared the shit out of me. He also hinted at ""attempting"". Quick back story. He has bad panic attacks contributed leaving home. He hasn't been out of the county in years. Hasn't seen some family members in who knows how long. Also, he is currently in a terrible and destructive relationship with a girl that no one gets a long with, who also wrote it the book saying he's the best thing that's ever happened to her. Anyway, my main question is how do I confront my brother about finding the journal, or, do I even tell him I found it? I know it was wrong of me to go through his things but there is a much bigger issue.

Thanks in adavaned to any help.",3.2381684981684984,4.8765619230769275,4.442417582417587,85.2644871794872,74.0,6.644688644688648,27.380952380952376,7.2636822038024595,1.4564413919413917,1020,39,199,11,21,335,146,260,0.097,0.825,0.078,-0.0138,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,15,17,5,2,17,1,20,1,1,3,2,35,35,14,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,15,12,0,1,11,1,0,2,5,11,0,2,12,4,26,6,33,22,7,31,0,1,2,0,29,16,1,4,12,142,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474681192411094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014583933822463,0.0,0.0789098075934328,0.0,0.1022975234450953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734852173105327,0.09691323797287732,0.07931632460907358,0.08612631243625482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082500274698209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413400472171803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884332657180177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681298956589115,0.0933054823899854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724105877979078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427763740907152,0.0,0.0,0.5654956904529053,0.07969377742994277,0.0,0.05389184979587795,0.0,0.058622774627670224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363184373669395,0.0,0.09121559728013064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913956853051385,0.0,0.20693661211467612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766226457579244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337757319642428,0.08408137945258329,0.0,0.10922142681945132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503940967797638,0.10338384383387947,0.0910837321657939,0.18256979459112893,0.08662039415169454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582744524032407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967997044208024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979482129361614,0.07845056106607541,0.0,0.12102482144124667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777025989398588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369468691678736,0.11555210476145256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605583647520878,0.0,0.1107449742569524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405874700739995,0.10327158953599024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760840973423436,0.0,0.10588244881471966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941025153625474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015803490276167,0.09496707045925744,0.0,0.0,0.20558571535817372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014785361504401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510991937812636,0.0,0.16375204293590107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277881806992696,0.0,0.13285100848393128
suicidewatch,insecureslut,2019/01/15,"I’m sad and I want attention. Yeah, don’t know why I’m posting this other than for attention but I’m currently hiding in the toilets at school skipping my English lesson until I can go home in 2 hours. But I don’t want to go home. I don’t feel happy anywhere. There is no where to go. I want to kill my self on the way back. I’m looking for sharp objects in this toilet stall but there’s none obviously. I want to find a building to jump out of. I want to die so fuckimg badly but I’m scared of failing and I absolutely can’t go to hospital. I’ll refuse and then I’ll get sectioned again. I’m so scared of going to hospital. I can’t do any of this. I just want to be ok. I can’t do this ",-1.0452904989747085,0.9373915454545454,1.976247436773754,95.3302358168148,91.33766233766234,5.0602870813397125,19.793574846206425,6.5966054737557815,0.13656363636363622,534,18,129,7,19,188,81,154,0.25,0.642,0.108,-0.984,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,2,3,2,11,0,0,0,1,23,32,11,2,6,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,1,6,0,0,6,8,6,0,0,0,3,13,2,23,31,2,22,0,2,1,0,2,8,0,0,6,74,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539259430018894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917104848656244,0.12940290672691612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084611454495498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836319879812545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165009478502413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097132937902686,0.0,0.4403972039806113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498046908607525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31091774811186723,0.0,0.15262535576146086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146383917005253,0.0,0.08517366594627987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130145253732494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484292386473636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31032662354276513,0.15684934335396647,0.0,0.0,0.16167928956876187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484718949626352,0.12301693721102852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984651183131705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway566449,2019/01/15,"Impulsive suicide The last few months I feel really bad. I have suicidal thoughts, and sometimes I feel so bad that I'm afraid I will actual do it in the moment. I have the feeling that I have to control myself to not do it. 
I do not know if it is just a intrusive thoughts or that it is something I actually will do",2.8681818181818173,4.051720969696973,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,74.15151515151516,8.916363636363636,29.86666666666667,9.3871,2.626888484848485,248,11,53,6,5,86,39,66,0.243,0.735,0.022,-0.9542,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,0,11,0,0,1,0,13,18,4,2,1,5,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,9,0,3,14,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.4254075299530413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36398568011473403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446785235766055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33063108393726204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978863346843716,0.1776717080955078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739787014563252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396348575876082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678011840742561,0.21557434360234054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768397298058639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34608195002251674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eisheth13,2019/01/15,"Uninteresting vent from a longtime reddit-lurker Sorry to clog up the feed but I’ll be gone soon I promise. I don’t really know why I’m writing this right now but I guess I just wanted some place to put my last thoughts before I go? I honestly just want to SPEAK after all the fuckin years of silence, because my speaking the Bad Words won’t matter once I’m dead

I’m a piece of human trash. Luck and God and whatever agree, because 2 male members of my close family have been using me for sex/hire/ whatever else they get from my repulsive body.. It’s been happening on and off for almost a decade. I’ve also had boyfriends but they’ve not lasted long because they’re just too similar to the way my relationships are with my family members. Either that or they’re just too controlling, I don’t know. I’ve been controlled for so long I want it to stop, so I’m going to make it stop. My body’s not going to be an Object when I’m dead, and it won’t even matter anyways then. Sorry to clog up the feed, ignore me please, bye.",2.7788318534961154,4.264364391509439,4.301831298557161,86.43206992230856,74.89622641509435,7.252386237513874,23.319644839067703,7.928766900206844,1.1057427302996672,809,23,169,12,17,270,122,212,0.13,0.754,0.116,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,14,6,1,0,9,0,12,5,2,4,1,39,32,13,2,3,11,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,6,6,2,5,3,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,6,2,18,3,22,22,4,25,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,5,13,96,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355269234874661,0.0,0.0,0.10823411496146962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300613464901445,0.24751234848953305,0.0,0.1151673147702507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30067214305989565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30359839466406385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306209278508005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939307796502532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255179535058232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071137103454828,0.0,0.2307564195776941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490960784281663,0.0,0.11968377348046777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487624506424387,0.2206459656548296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395494037397473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034280958911536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413636629938584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140510787284594,0.1485664746887134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605755802884142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670448526033897,0.0,0.0,0.14530822368420215,0.0,0.11558257415877456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30301184238949763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263063833731727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744758813453906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168932931215241,0.0,0.0,0.23948723556939824,0.1074293377343993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212642007768468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715674994273173
suicidewatch,awlas,2019/01/15,I do not have the strength to but What is my purpose? Why am I alive? What value do I bring? I bring nothing. ‬,-3.709466666666668,-3.3806458799999994,-0.7489999999999988,107.85383333333336,127.8,1.666666666666667,16.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.4995333333333334,83,3,22,0,6,28,19,25,0.07,0.6579999999999999,0.272,0.7372,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7284802274342205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6850668275704106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iLikeToThrowAccounts,2019/01/15,"Im scared I'll commit suicide due to how stressful school is I don't know. Im a mess right now. I need help. But i don't know where to get it. 

Ive told my parents that ive been struggling with depression. and i don't think i can handle school because of the stress and depression. I told them i wanted to opt for this program, basically this program prepares people for joining the workforce rather than going to uni. 

They keep pushing me to do the program where i get to go to uni and yes i understand why uni is good but if i do that program im scared i'll kill myself. 

Yes the other program is horrible, yes there's nothing for me in the program but at least there, i won't die. 

I don't know what to do. 

Maybe i should do it before school starts, that way there's no stress and i don't have to worry about anything anymore. ",0.3916477272727264,2.5857721420454567,2.189727272727275,95.03709090909094,86.10227272727272,4.656363636363637,21.86818181818181,5.985473137389443,0.1655645454545458,651,23,144,5,20,214,91,176,0.2,0.675,0.125,-0.941,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,2,0,10,11,1,6,6,3,19,0,0,1,1,21,34,9,3,5,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,3,0,22,1,18,29,1,12,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,1,3,90,31,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180547463264595,0.0,0.0,0.10107125582683503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748705696579951,0.0,0.1045116639486972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157117389708088,0.0,0.12746885480582024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833785456675995,0.0,0.1396040617080719,0.10301646617991887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232435817740581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980034176326172,0.0,0.0,0.1091689889711693,0.13588328994734475,0.0,0.2024977045016159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339024897782333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910702493493338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785010613913148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637823669239255,0.0,0.0,0.08514864868463891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488850220138654,0.0,0.0,0.2459305867018464,0.3729043669647431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693336851540412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42207327967273256,0.12839922458752093,0.0,0.13434628966180984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869876698045956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347215456669937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278610404030495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244303511449883,0.09748962946584984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082689042354428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473073408866303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asianlucifer,2019/01/15,"I’m thinking about doing it tonight at 11:11 I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and I love this girl to death. I got too comfortable with her and started missing out on the small things, she no longer loves me and she told me multiple times she will no longer come back. It’s been two months and everyday I keep telling myself to wait until tomorrow because she might come back. I know it sounds stupid but I’ve been praying non stop trying to get a sign or atleast help from God, but nothing ever happens. I just want to end it tonight and you know what it actually feels okay, it sort of feels right. My friend told me I could get help here but I’m not really sure.. I actually want to marry this girl. She’s my everything. I don’t have much to live for.",0.7906477732793533,3.210428564102564,1.9839001349527656,95.46285425101216,87.07692307692308,5.5919028340080965,20.390013495276648,7.0608816371341465,0.3849794871794869,600,19,134,9,19,190,101,156,0.068,0.748,0.183,0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,7,8,1,0,3,1,9,2,0,0,2,31,32,10,1,3,6,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,10,9,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,6,3,21,6,17,23,1,22,1,1,0,2,18,6,0,3,14,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.3049473538869223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240287247658232,0.0,0.09524618615036916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691843993913724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474981508249107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383876883718798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413335632066619,0.0,0.0,0.14042394024000415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800546857670422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071536678300672,0.0,0.16326430053947522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249642976473408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816793025881674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094569649861759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388787328972225,0.0,0.0,0.1717375656512832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796818887176762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820364519158277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657524447738259,0.0,0.0,0.12471416443344485,0.0,0.11485887806548975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992236867493686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009526708758233,0.0,0.0,0.1677498622593807,0.0,0.13343333503860766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105918098141869,0.0,0.0,0.13062875478325606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147260121511552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656599803277528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038029811743048,0.100116206459569,0.0,0.0,0.09110837062195268,0.0,0.0,0.29859973196709244,0.0,0.10608086102229992,0.0,0.152629758390699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431602268639805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006173802636476
suicidewatch,inb4Geo,2019/01/15,"No, it most certainly will not ""eventually get better."" I hear this, and other related variants of this phrase all the time, whether directed at me or someone else.
Things like:
> What you're going through is just a phase, and it'll go away soon.
> Your life is only shit right now, it'll get better.
> You gotta fight through your problems because you can do this. You gotta stop thinking so selfishly and negatively, and look on the bright side.
Like, no. Fuck no.
This honestly just feels like a way for most people - even therapists in my experience - to sugar-coat a way of saying ""I have no business of dealing with your problems so you just gotta sit there and deal with it.""
You don't think I've already tried to fix their problems in life already? You don't think I'm just barely holding on to a false sense of hope that some sort of miracle will happen that'll make my life better? Do you really think that all these potentially eternal issues you're referring to can be fixed as easily as just simply ""changing myself and my view on life"", especially in the state I'm in right now? No. Hell no.
This is pretty much the only advice I really ever hear, and honestly, I've just given up at this point. I don't really see any purpose in trying when I know I can't do anything.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Am I just being selfish? I honestly don't know what to do or what to think anymore.
I just wish there was just someone that could just, not even agree, but just understand my view on this. :/",3.5927981058975504,4.9681591881188165,4.697001004448276,84.85159707275079,72.63036303630362,7.909829243793945,25.7151671688908,8.456263369488248,1.6198234753910177,1186,38,242,20,23,389,150,303,0.118,0.7879999999999999,0.095,-0.73,0,0,0,0,1,1,50.0,0,10,1,3,22,21,4,0,9,0,26,6,1,1,4,54,55,16,0,6,17,0,2,3,0,8,4,3,0,0,23,9,0,2,11,0,0,2,14,9,0,1,2,10,27,12,31,42,6,32,1,0,5,1,17,17,3,7,11,162,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096126308626108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171081216915366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689517027521309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755689452365247,0.0,0.0,0.08095036675329319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242212535027826,0.0,0.0,0.0599656155774559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610015818597337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406272309604404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854067188354685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028308985668673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217575446688638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994529722454493,0.08898155886328793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962250191315216,0.0,0.0,0.09947794836475676,0.07027575463615987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094174773472256,0.10278883259657373,0.0,0.1118122051919465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698852233256407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174093171405365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770389361589728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267302507118252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812347725707888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779273791565777,0.14417626405580006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260626817998719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656629322504766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231348157982223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665825416200749,0.22444511421683172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819757292200136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299171987942112,0.0,0.0,0.10007794940971176,0.0,0.2823812462122806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905557954270288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801537988116091,0.0,0.07822800268509764,0.0,0.0,0.07838838486793766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097568878554213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666976545237726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224196694162461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421548826226675,0.06535284945756463,0.3151585481937143,0.0,0.0,0.05736050701262872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357393905822246,0.0,0.0,0.1024069408202248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342452716751901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312097846402012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotDinnerz,2019/01/15,"I brought it upon myself... Sometime last year, late September, I ruined a close friendship by pushing him away in fear that I may never return from my open chest surgery. I did this too, to some other friends, I just didn’t want them to see me in this state. Of course, I know this was a foolish error in judgement - anxiety just ruins any clarity one can have. I tried countless times to patch things up with those friends, failing time after time. 

Throughout my whole life, I’ve lost countless friends to either suicides or accidents and sometimes I cannot help but feel guilty. I have seen multiple therapists, and they have done little to help even after opening up. Once have I seen a friend lying there dead and it gave me PTSD apparently. I have attempted suicide in the past to no avail, of course, primarily through medications and now the damage I have done is irreparable. 

Everyday, my worth just degrades, even after scoring high in my VCE finals (Australian equivalent of USA College Entrance Exams) and with a high chance of receiving the offer into the University I want, I just have no life force. Every other day, I question myself whether I should just meet my friends who are currently six-feet underground or if I “need” to stay behind. My family struggles to deal with these dark matters and so do my friends. Even my cousin, who I thought would persevere, simply rejected me, claiming he won’t deal with my “shit” even when suicide is a high risk. Of course, I know it’s not for everyone, but you’d expect for them to say something rather than lash out. Most of my friends are immature in these matters and seem to know nothing. I’ve seen friends come and go, some departing through death - how I wish I was them. But after sixteen friends dying, one of which was my best mate, it has taken its toll. 

Maybe next week, next month or around my birthday, I’ll end my forsaken life. For once in my life, I should abandon others and make my own decisions. Why should we be educated to work, be employed until retirement and then wait to die? Life is cruel and for people like us, we learn that the hardest way possible. Perhaps I need motivation or a chat, but right now, I feel like dying as I’ve been left behind by the ones I cared for. ",7.139672549019608,7.1407494329411785,6.725661764705883,78.38339460784312,64.08235294117647,9.812745098039217,35.120098039215684,9.408791572840183,3.1254333333333326,1779,74,330,29,24,555,241,425,0.193,0.6709999999999999,0.136,-0.9863,3,1,1,0,0,3,58.0,3,1,4,7,19,26,2,3,12,0,33,8,2,3,1,74,58,27,8,12,18,1,2,2,10,6,6,1,0,0,20,24,0,2,11,1,1,6,7,13,0,3,16,7,54,13,56,33,7,59,0,7,4,0,34,23,1,11,29,227,74,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050411218459884215,0.0,0.05670955806857485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599177834375815,0.0,0.0,0.06964795713041241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779528813900602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558088995925008,0.0,0.0,0.06385678124488316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780797953691459,0.1528503880923322,0.0,0.0,0.23080697479523235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172228675359692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565753708854365,0.0,0.0,0.19584973741066547,0.0,0.062458064694377716,0.07083478019942971,0.0,0.0,0.06988354981087527,0.08341731679217043,0.07496512179168467,0.052958777215480986,0.0,0.08120623685499219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154567135605572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042130018349778836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993760977499506,0.2349685335266424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222039820418627,0.06042617535097094,0.08362232742511366,0.0,0.08054290356477861,0.0,0.2618024920372451,0.07243274428876534,0.07429814206945035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092209560825805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049482621970720564,0.0,0.07447395713299512,0.0,0.0,0.07467858563433816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917018322288496,0.0,0.0,0.10993351423340496,0.057173939487319275,0.0,0.15767705660752954,0.0,0.0,0.07113012434476917,0.0,0.0,0.1578929271352907,0.15069804586298624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076586103448608,0.05139268997837891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357089503038262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665447821622975,0.0,0.08304302082040557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330696210925114,0.0,0.05895147462536754,0.0,0.0,0.059072336284332734,0.06748553793414823,0.0,0.0,0.07609379698957687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706920860760225,0.14663373507596558,0.0,0.0,0.07901314996445369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749719631054053,0.0,0.2432598985771268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607111554696059,0.0492489481292485,0.0,0.0,0.058851262314158215,0.1296781085130799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050329679965747436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916975158316326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744806881248612,0.058841266193215815,0.05946294061702659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689116161901583,0.08276395150769658,0.08524630902776202,0.0,0.0,0.05396781882080425,0.0,0.0,0.05266011387225803,0.0,0.0,0.04773755132508544
suicidewatch,kwaptap,2019/01/15,"has anyone else overtime somehow made themselves hate all the people close to them for no apparent reason? i know i have trust issues, but i was wondering if anyone else could relate. for me its family and very few friends i’ve trusted and built up the courage to tell my problems to. every time, either something happens that just makes me feel betrayed or they just do something really fake or ignorant, so i get an untrustworthy vibe??? extremely vague, i’m sorry. 

point is i’ve given up of helping myself and i think i’m selfish. i cant seem to even slightly believe in the “it passes pain onto others” bs anymore, and i don’t trust professionals anymore. i thought i wouldn’t anymore, but i think i will just kill myself next june like i initially wanted to.",4.910426332288398,6.609467227586207,5.582633228840127,78.516144200627,69.82758620689657,7.755485893416928,31.112852664576806,8.296473431620573,2.5103103448275865,608,26,104,9,11,197,102,145,0.233,0.62,0.147,-0.9429,1,0,2,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,0,6,13,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,3,1,31,26,10,1,5,9,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,1,19,6,12,19,3,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,6,4,68,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419428680141033,0.2077288014718089,0.3043987810894069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735658032493786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859913457834885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481764703400061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811094954858547,0.0,0.12515350013022125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003269078465388,0.0,0.0751075735841861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476360122302053,0.0,0.07760734851076688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313556813237892,0.0,0.0,0.1466550096032431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995649362780279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550398236475267,0.0,0.0,0.16434031681973446,0.0,0.08163509760461858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257038395389394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405545469915105,0.09915330174829662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579766810036922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805974012547733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298069694241506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042071752332366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213515375230634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516015750505187,0.15272647522969188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522755343057818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287106154138045,0.0,0.16628121694686024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983273096481626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036012895924012,0.0,0.11792618778278766,0.08661635210811314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256315565190964,0.08761424121180195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610880528541148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicotinedaydream,2019/01/15,"I can't afford to be happy Tonight's another one of those nights I'm up at 3 in the morning crying for god knows how long.
I look at everyone in my family, and how most of them were born normal and have lived healthy lives with few issues if any.

I total up the thousands of dollars I need to fix my issues. I live in poverty. I've always lived in poverty. Lifelong mental health issues were only worsened by years of trauma. Treatment for my mental health isn't even a priority anymore because after 10+ years of professional help, and constantly working hard to improve, I'm still miserable. My mental health is a fucking joke. It may as well be unfixable.

The real costs come in the form of medical bills for various surgeries I need. 

I suffer from severe fatigue that often leaves me barely functioning, and was misdiagnosed with ME/CFS. Turns out I have a badly deviated septum and severe turbinate hypertrophy. My nasal passages are almost completely blocked, and if I could just fucking afford the procedure, I could start to function like a normal person.

I was blessed with mostly straight teeth, but cursed with a severe overbite that gives me a disgusting profile, and causes me legitimate physical discomfort. I spend hours crying sometimes about how fucking terrible I look. From the front, I'm average looking, but not ugly. From the side, I immediately break down in tears id I ever see myself. I cant afford to fix it either of course.

I'm transgender and can't afford any gender-affirming surgeries and at this rate probably genuinely can't for 10+ years.

I've had horrible back pain since I was maybe 12 years old with no known cause despire numerous doctors visits.

That's not counting things I'll need if I don't kill myself before I'm old.

Everything is money. Money is happiness and health. At the absolute minimum, I'm looking at probably $20,000. For so many people, that's nothing. For others, it's reasonable but not ideal. In my case, that's more than me and my family have made some years combined. I'm headed off to college this fall ideally which is just more debt, and I just lost a good paying job a few months ago and had to put all my surgery savings into just being able to survive. I still didn't have enough to even have a single procedure done before I lost my job. I don't even know if I can work at this rate because it almost seems like my body is pretty much failing me.

My family life is horrible, and I can't remember being truly happy in my life. 

I'm only 20 years old.

I want to be healthy.

I want to be happy.

I want to be able to afford to actually live but it isn't going to happen, and if it does, it's going to be too late. I refuse to be 30 or 40 when I can FINALLY afford this shit. Why should I have to suffer my whole life just because I couldn't be born right or wealthy.",3.6567876133875536,5.5245380287769805,5.083625273694089,80.14371754770099,73.38848920863309,7.928307788551768,27.3747263059118,8.652420539549441,2.2021621520175167,2248,85,412,43,46,752,269,556,0.165,0.7190000000000001,0.116,-0.9833,9,0,0,0,0,1,62.0,0,0,1,8,21,31,6,2,17,0,48,19,5,7,3,83,83,32,1,19,20,0,1,2,0,2,11,0,0,1,20,23,0,2,6,1,8,7,15,18,1,2,12,7,52,13,64,56,16,58,1,7,5,3,6,23,4,15,29,269,72,9,0.12334539346096147,0.0,0.0601836556154918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054669124533982615,0.0,0.12351259434598215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131662417648734,0.0,0.0,0.08387909724722285,0.06466919986339671,0.0,0.0,0.06116274320867213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742249695735956,0.051494125699688025,0.11278531050487672,0.0,0.10495784501778016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850446295331224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267096961367657,0.0,0.053125567359540604,0.06466264914975138,0.06664627553874337,0.0,0.09848125997256478,0.0,0.13548912286339224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312461839956625,0.053970192513812916,0.06311258105823822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372438187359537,0.0,0.12220270362428075,0.05578648502124197,0.0,0.058930904651330135,0.05542744314291453,0.0,0.1744185892441434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755942473064107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104624304020213,0.0,0.059162070380894174,0.07010002959957218,0.051728131976249626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453696204155537,0.26260692987493034,0.05524662251834128,0.0,0.06329397941891075,0.2622207707167421,0.0,0.0,0.04133790861378823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060735183260806264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311081695093651,0.1224012705035681,0.0,0.06823170136206258,0.0,0.06778740248542943,0.0,0.06956948818557014,0.06530248100315242,0.0,0.0,0.13068374873719216,0.06026032882854593,0.0,0.2722906055459852,0.054578395879888816,0.20715813035210173,0.0,0.13464606756878084,0.0,0.0,0.05835619682980375,0.0,0.06252643457219302,0.06195851323961784,0.0,0.0,0.062128753659191925,0.18645471819373974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922655813842197,0.0,0.045336528248338066,0.1371885695212461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787564805850405,0.1208522968849996,0.05917661583472517,0.0,0.1941453622631696,0.0,0.041791015406510326,0.09380972988336166,0.06562409756965812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275608259621028,0.05385021995824914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274330430959592,0.1329871960971146,0.0,0.0,0.061998094327269875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019703075089245,0.0,0.06340980381206994,0.0,0.0,0.06986314302191514,0.05266814603394062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049145154503230176,0.05614450683893039,0.0,0.20901777861073176,0.06330613693337234,0.05101629204351674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099587403321754,0.0,0.043652252173462296,0.0,0.098503790549664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097259931084552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670821842820816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912846324833518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554511609538263,0.0,0.05565001622492044,0.06885536344060889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979691547612598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382911680538458
suicidewatch,trombonerz,2019/01/15,"Does it really get better? Are you ever cured of suicidal thoughts? I’ve struggled with depression since I was 10 years old. I’ve been through physical/emotional/sexual abuse. I had my first suicide attempt when I was 11. Went to the ER. Went into therapy. Had another attempt at age 14. Went to the ER. Still went to therapy. Had another attempt at 16. Back into therapy. Another at 17. Then 18. Then 19. Then spent a week in in-patient care. Made a choice to stop self harming. Went into group therapy. Surrounded myself with positive friends. Reconnected with my family. Left a toxic relationship. Got into Church. Found healthy releases. Got into the gym. My self esteem went up. Finally loved myself. I was actually happy. I went without even a THOUGHT about harming myself. Everyone was proud of my turn around. They even saw/felt the change in me. 

 I’m almost 22 now and for some reason the thoughts of being dead flood my mind. For the first time in 3 years I actually wanted to self harm/cut myself again (I didn’t). I want to just leave my life behind. Runaway. But I can’t. I thought I was fine. Everything was shaping up.

I thought severe depression was something I’d grow out of. I didn’t think 10+ years later I’d still have feelings of wanting to die. It’s almost as if misery is a drug. And when things shape up, I keep fucking relapsing. Will it stop or am I just doomed for life? What else am I missing? ",0.7122911597729136,3.181264835766428,2.6759075425790755,86.72266098945663,97.72262773722628,6.23117599351176,23.24217356042173,7.471455274886353,1.7097045579886458,1111,47,209,26,45,369,159,274,0.193,0.708,0.099,-0.9831,0,0,2,0,1,2,52.0,0,1,1,7,14,15,1,1,11,0,21,5,0,2,1,39,51,11,4,4,6,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,5,12,0,3,9,1,1,8,4,8,2,2,30,1,29,7,39,19,1,52,2,4,0,2,9,20,1,5,24,128,34,0,0.0,0.09032400374604704,0.14878542286608626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267329137052252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398118097767273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678638061658452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058618707944937565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742216554022586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772493778418946,0.0,0.0806447312673999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131927226424686,0.0,0.07911813760413333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671228120998976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840643434535045,0.0,0.06368314645736785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070276139577793,0.06895739116553036,0.0,0.07284419232064883,0.06851358132092007,0.0,0.07186597781684123,0.0,0.03854585087833946,0.0,0.07319593027729038,0.0835098622237108,0.0,0.1296880250054704,0.0,0.08358588698142361,0.0588976643486612,0.07047646447119714,0.03982875680847701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194148026952545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115177349527078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677596665058507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072006553019688,0.08282771176557475,0.0,0.10769167929253916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880353645814437,0.07213379889758596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697390900519246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999403250600505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048837008915454165,0.078380536854643,0.0,0.0818460428459551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385838970875104,0.08612193864232084,0.0,0.06306097982190809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058688124614705524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176003585159074,0.12746891731419308,0.0,0.07969560513158112,0.0,0.16677373070088164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487177241675828,0.0,0.050646022180294965,0.04884722534552275,0.0,0.30260365446577675,0.04445225471493645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291994772598256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489313988223595,0.0,0.0611497610363571,0.0,0.0,0.4946832792732803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348618813671645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727525206618902
suicidewatch,Boob_Inspector69,2019/01/15,"Fuck this shit I fucking hate my life. I’m 27 and I don’t have a reason to live. I literally don’t. I literally resent the fact that I’m alive every day. There’s one point I look forward to and that is my bus ride home from work because I get to sleep. 

I guess I won’t kill my self—woohoo—but I’m sure not fucking happy I’m here. I’m just a person who hasn’t quite had enough yet. I’m on borrowed time, because it doesn’t get better it gets worse constantly forever. That has been the trend my whole life and I’m fucking sick of it and I’m fucking sick of acting like everything is okay or that it ever could be again. And one day it’s just gonna be too much and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. 

By the way sorry for the dumbass username, this was to be my throwaway goofy no filter account but instead I’ve decided to go to the internet with the things I can’t talk about irl. ",-0.4183627087198509,1.5476509948979604,2.0927087198515757,95.92696660482378,87.5204081632653,5.196289424860853,19.11317254174397,6.574015621080383,-0.0416244897959186,689,20,166,8,22,236,112,196,0.141,0.8109999999999999,0.048,-0.9253,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,9,0,8,1,19,11,2,1,3,20,43,8,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,1,14,7,0,0,3,0,2,4,9,9,0,2,3,1,15,5,14,33,3,14,0,0,1,5,3,3,6,2,9,94,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840313788957158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490882222696852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404036455642884,0.0,0.1037351885618456,0.0,0.0,0.16758280023203725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424809494691753,0.0,0.0,0.1175253351651528,0.10946810009483476,0.0,0.11676894198008853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6005715970569319,0.20364262252430387,0.0,0.07383983298678744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312792966196158,0.0,0.0,0.1383084426205164,0.0,0.12827484052745355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032618273740826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374366064489666,0.0,0.07140382831111952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835408864725207,0.0634751888386632,0.0,0.1147268721695916,0.0,0.10910495925915906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551042112765344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608218516266164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134462073905644,0.0,0.0,0.12282188788358052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381920937323555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358537364260334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554095747285233,0.0,0.13336697872742231,0.0,0.0,0.13001964266628147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544130912591566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245354001158093,0.0,0.0,0.10442944602162614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631693616762351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576078569560353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312906185717258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505752895517007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458753839850416,0.0,0.1324055020956515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peachyyarngoddess,2019/01/15,"I’m freaking exhausted. You know when all of the little things pile on top of your big things and you feel hopeless and like everything is on your shoulders except with spikes and extremely heavy weights piercing into you?

Existing is painful, the mental pain is hell, the physical pain from my chronic illness is hell, I can’t escape pain. I’m constantly bitter, I’m constantly anxious, I’m constantly paranoid, I’m constantly in pain, I’m constantly miserable. I’m so so so so sick and tired of existing. My joints hurt, I broke out in a rash from literally the air and was itching myself like an idiot in public. My skin is trash, I look sick, I am being lied to about how I’m “pretty” or “hot” and I feel like this red/gray blotchy mess. Constantly feeling like I’m going to faint while also dissociating when stressed so I’m basically non existence. My bpd symptoms are through the roof and I’m trying to be proud of not hurting myself in over two months but damn do I want to take a cheese grater to my body until it’s nothing but mush. I drove by tracks with a friend today and I can’t stop thinking about my suicide attempt in April. I can’t stop thinking about how much I weigh and how big I am in a stupid video I took of me. I feel so gross. I can’t stop thinking about how I fail at keeping things clean like my room, or how I have so much clutter that stresses me out but when I go to throw stuff away I get stressed out more. I have projects laying around my room because I can’t finish anything. I have no job because I couldn’t mentally handle my boss and they hated that I had therapy to you know.... not try to kill myself again. It’s pretty fucking great having management not give a shit about your mental health after pretending that your suicide attempt hurts them and that they are there for you. I can’t stop obsessing over whether or not my boyfriend will leave me since now I have abandonment issues then at the same time I obsess over marriage and kids and these things that if he leaves I’m going to be hurting 20x more. Honestly me obsessing over things I’m obsessing about is fucking annoying and exhausting. I don’t want to exist. Everything hurts, I hate myself, I’m worn down, I’ve embarrassed myself everywhere. I’ve failed at everything I’ve done. I can’t please anyone. My boyfriend’s mom fucking hates me and that hurts so much but it’s so stupid and everyone tells me how she treats me/feels about me shouldn’t hurt but it hurts so much knowing the love of my life’s mom hates me. If I died he could find some pretty feminine girl who is successful and isn’t literally broken and doesn’t have mental illness and won’t hurt him. My love and loyalty isn’t good enough for him. He needs way more. And my family needs me gone. I’m a financial burden on my parents. They are paying for therapy and medical bills and braces and pain management things and labs plus gluten free food is more expensive because after 20 years I had to figure out I’m sensitive to wheat. Not to mention I also have to be picky about what laundry detergent we use because my skin feels like it’s on fire with some. It’s all so stupid. My existence is stupid and too complicated than it should be. Then there’s the guilt of how there are much worse off people who have my condition but worse and with even more conditions stacked on top. Even though my joints are killing me right now, my ribs are out of place and hurting, and my skin is burning for no reason I still know that there is somebody in more pain than me. It’s all stupid and I’m stupid. I just don’t want to be alive. I don’t have a plan or anything it’s just all overwhelming right now and the thoughts are intrusive with nobody to talk to because let’s be real, they don’t give a shit. Some of them made my last attempt about themselves. I don’t really matter to them. 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suicidewatch,subtidle,2019/01/15,"Getting really fucking hard to keep going I'm a mess of a person, never finished highschool, never had a job, married at 16 had my first kid 17 and my second soon after, dealing with ptsd from being raped by my brother, just a huuuuge fucking mess. I really , I swear, I've tried my best to be a good mother for my kids, I went back to get my highschool diploma so can get a higher education but I keep falling behind. Everytime my depression hits me full wave, I just become useless. I try not to be but when I keep pushing myself I crumble and become either very  aggressive or suicidal. My kids don't deserve to go though this. The shouldn't see a shit mom crying in the kitchen or have her lash out at them. They should be happy with a mom who's always available  (they're 4 and 3, of course the do) and they shouldn't have to see their mother all cut up. God, I just want to die, I sometimes even wish I would have never brought them into this horrible world. Right now I'm just running through the motions but I have a feeling that the next time I feel that desperation I won't be able to make it through.",4.282,4.962134533333334,5.364000000000001,83.32200000000002,70.33333333333334,7.777777777777778,29.222222222222214,7.793537801064563,1.7942888888888897,870,32,175,10,15,288,137,225,0.203,0.7020000000000001,0.095,-0.9797,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,5,2,12,13,6,0,14,0,19,5,1,1,4,35,41,12,2,6,11,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,8,1,3,2,0,0,8,8,10,0,2,4,5,30,3,25,26,4,29,0,2,2,3,17,9,3,2,12,124,36,3,0.1270148380231327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568652018177616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976665702817334,0.0,0.0,0.28055581909506905,0.0,0.0,0.13329423631250029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951983541109494,0.0,0.13094672079902794,0.10939769387265888,0.0,0.13182134881124208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389210260881205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284450369467306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080387563369166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348463421251069,0.1990800315689216,0.0,0.1443709190132744,0.10653401995563043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352096569069408,0.11378034661202295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604262802693858,0.3386898720427367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478339066682218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29751648637256994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938850198994853,0.0,0.1350817211895223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109044573711114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847354863255752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273791527685047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846997767447099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024287624758436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037890597847815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562092256587692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389336174548967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479143346817136,0.0,0.07406337347755887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724694750895376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480054343901768,0.07491664230702237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774402735465345,0.0,0.0,0.14606079535320451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022769669789953,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Renegade_Syx,2019/01/15,"All my friends are abandoning me... People I've been with for years. Super close friends I did so much for, just dropping out and not caring. I don't feel like I can trust ANYONE anymore. Everyone just uses me or hurts me. I'm just in so much fucking pain and I don't know who I can talk to....I want to vent. I want to scream and cry and punch the wall and just give up.",-0.7683749999999989,1.3007589125000043,1.1000000000000014,101.425,91.125,4.2,16.75,5.6839178017228535,-0.7800250000000002,283,7,70,2,10,92,53,80,0.218,0.608,0.174,-0.6242,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,21,16,8,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,2,10,6,8,14,3,7,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,1,2,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234024049583304,0.1638122136988453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388614353156618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573427362736946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223862106913898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845769876108553,0.1673678299510946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620042947380279,0.21658569230772332,0.0,0.2247402411894988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25079881499785583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287527387573043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445610969912468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444417082643695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492876841648026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624184592108793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18830330950334487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234046383023294,0.0,0.0,0.2763657750443939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508669722480484
suicidewatch,blankface982,2019/01/15,"I have been thinking about suicide for awhile now I’m a fifteen year old kid almost 16, I live in a dead end town, and I can’t seem to be happy. I have a gun, I have plenty of reasons to live, but my reasons to die always show up no matter what. I wish I could just push through my struggles but I waste so much time, I want to live without worries of high school and class grades, but I just can’t seem to shake them. I was in love deeply, for eleven months, but I left her, I regret it every morning when I wake up, and I see my fathers face in the mirror.


My father is in prison on attempted murder, he used to hit me and my mother when I was younger. And I can’t help but feel like I’m the reason this happened, I can’t help but feel like I’m the reason my mother is a crippling addict now too. My life’s a complete sh*t I live in a hell, and I can’t shake the thought of suicide. I’m failing high school, all of my peers hate me, my brother tells me to always look to the sky, that gods always got a plan. I’m not sure I believe him anymore...",2.7397525473071345,2.9048335720524037,4.0705502183406095,93.07033770014557,73.54148471615721,6.281339155749638,24.873653566229983,4.604124745555138,0.25217181950509504,804,22,193,1,15,266,123,229,0.25,0.629,0.121,-0.9896,0,0,0,1,1,2,28.0,0,0,1,3,10,13,3,3,12,0,15,5,2,5,2,35,36,15,5,4,10,5,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,10,1,0,3,8,8,0,1,5,4,36,5,25,28,2,25,1,2,2,1,14,13,1,3,11,117,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795758463987673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834998992646787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701014779273937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730861327341784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219080826276215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344911700856355,0.0,0.0,0.08639154235626632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112297957756138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583602054768116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116595956602233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942169430904357,0.15460093955575702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654007547892982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568383401080922,0.11518444073349247,0.0,0.10682837205297936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450528022863412,0.2286454859122536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756321822724708,0.0,0.07642720125940711,0.10572534818998376,0.0,0.3821820377000483,0.0,0.0908635328068724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765771622821856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636685362582558,0.0,0.07954188647755904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354117722095095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450041157766728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901506273710827,0.08622403283739159,0.19700846808817765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131175981820457,0.0,0.2367137287632859,0.0,0.10198034375074384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457446646852936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933231512352353,0.0,0.0859013455955654,0.06309422306070854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345292290472544,0.0,0.0,0.0638211185736875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442847212775025,0.10430413431022764,0.0,0.0,0.10988571858528376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696793872045064
suicidewatch,EffectiveGovernment,2019/01/15,"fucking help Not a throwaway because I really don't care at this point.

Over the past few days, I made it a hobby to just ride my bicycle to the nearby buildings and just contemplate jumping. Yesterday, I got pretty fucking close to leaping and I do not know how to feel right now. It is 3:30 in the morning and I am still wide awake, thinking about it. Fucking help please.",3.686894977168951,5.528406479452058,4.349520547945208,85.54884703196348,73.24657534246576,7.0584474885844735,29.97488584474885,7.793537801064563,2.020773515981736,295,13,56,4,6,94,53,73,0.039,0.804,0.158,0.8342,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,5,0,4,3,0,2,0,13,13,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,8,11,1,14,0,0,0,3,2,7,3,0,5,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754593007157073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005147297283465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455168908205783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408860559238722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6257919886613762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046213964418634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024788101594797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400393207577072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350273362189146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153955924037385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476811447576448,0.21329944630099976,0.0,0.0,0.2295534615738937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445485343170397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192692357691486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019361864694555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457877306476738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_broken_soul_0,2019/01/15,"I'm literally falling apart and feel like my body is trying to kill itself I can't do this anymore. For the past two months I have been absolutely miserable. My life is full of nothingness, except pain. I don't have a job, I cant drive, and I failed to get my diploma. I'm way too old not to have any of these things, and it's all killing me now. I work on these things, but I feel like Im in a hole I cant get out of. I try and try, but it all feels like it will go nowhere because whenever I feel that I'm getting close to succeeding, it's like I get pulled back and realize Ive gotten nowhere. 

The dreams I used to have, and the things that used to interest me, have died a few years ago, and I havent really had a deep love for much since then. I have no passion for my creative endeavours as I once did, and that alone, brings me down. I miss caring about some hobby, but Ive lost my drive entirely. 

The worst part about all of this is that everytime I wake up, my heart immediately aches for someone who no longer loves me. This person was crazy about me, and viceversa. They accepted me for everything I was and wasn't, and they knew about my position in life but still adored me and encouraged me. She and I started talking, and everything was perfect. She was everything I needed, and she assured me that I was everything she needed as well. It wasn't like we intended to fall for each other, we honestly didnt even think about it, and even tried to avoid it, but somehow, we still did. We talked literally everyday, and virtually, every single hour of the day. Since I can't drive, she came to me and drove for some hours to get to me, so we could spend as much time as possible together. It was so perfect. Because of us being around each other, I helped her accomplish a few first-time things and viceversa (nothing inappropriate, surprisingly). We always talked to each other and opened up a dialogue. If one of us felt something, we told each other and would do our very best to empathize with one another. During this time, I was still trying to guard my heart from getting hurt, so I was doing my absolute best not to wear rose-colored glasses and think of things in an overly romantic way. To this day, I believe I was being realistic, because everything really was just that good, and everything that came from her was sincere. Note, the word is WAS. I looked at it to the best of my abilities. I wanted her, through the good and bad, and she said she wanted me through it all too. We even talked about marriage on several occasions. Unfortunately, we had a bit of misunderstanding not too long ago, but we tried to talk it out and everything, and things seemed potentially good, but something still felt wrong. The messages became less and less; I knew she was slipping away, and I didn't know how to fix it. She was working a lot and stressed out over everything she had to do, so she didnt have much time to tell me what was wrong, and since she doesnt handle stress well, she probably didnt know what was wrong either, aside from being under a lot of pressure. She really is busy all the time, Ive been to her house a few times, and she has a lot on her, especially considering how much she is trying to get done at once. Ive tried helping, but Im a weak woman physically - she does intense work and is quite strong. Anyway, the messages became less and less, but I tried not to press things too much, even though I could feel her distance and cried everyday, thinking I was gonna lose my best friend/favorite person in the world. During this time, I was trying to comfort her as she told me how she had a lot on her. A few times this worked and other times, she didnt want to hear it. Eventually, we talked a lot, for the first time in what felt like ages, but this was only because she blew up on me and blew off all her steam on me. She attacked me in every way she could. I was blindsided because I didnt expect to hear everything that came out of her mouth. She had always been very sweet and loving when discussing my downfalls, but this time she gave me ""tough love"". It didnt even feel tough, the way she said everything was just downright cruel, and I was brought to tears and told her over and over again I was hurting. I asked her why she kept saying all this and what had gotten into her head, but she couldnt explain why. She didnt apologize after the conversation for the way she spoke, and I havent heard from her in a week (even when she or I was busy, we never went an entire week without talking, so I'm considering it over, unless she changes her mind). Shes been influenced by her friends/family according to a friend of hers that didn't hate me. I met those close to her, and they didnt like me. I was on my absolute best behavior and did all I could to be helpful to them and polite, but maybe some things got misunderstood a few times, which I'll take full responsibility for. I'm not great in new enviroments, so my behavior may have been misconstrued. She said things that didnt sound like her, but instead, sounded like something they may have said about me. Every single day before that happened, I couldnt stop dreaming of her and suddenly waking up like I just had a bad dream, even when the dream was good. Two full months of nothing but her swimming in my head. Trying to attend school while thinking and having a broken heart makes it so hard for me to focus on the work itself. I had gained momentum in studying, but Ive lost all motivation again after that week passed. I also accidentally came across an old picture of her yesterday, and now Im absolutely gutted. 

Everytime I wake up, my heart feels like it is literally getting stabbed with a butcher knife, but it goes in a few inches deeper everytime. I cant sleep like a normal person anymore (I either get 2-5 hours or sleep for 12), I cant eat (some days I cant even force food down), I cant think straight, and my heart is breaking consistently. Nothing at all is helping me cope, and nothing has helped me cope after things went south. 

On top of this, she was all I really had. I don't have friends, I have people I know, but no legit friends. My family isnt very close, and they couldn't care less if I lived or died, honestly (aside from my mum or dad maybe, mostly because they dont like the idea of suicide). So I dont even have a support system right now. I'm alone, as Ive always been, but this time it hurts because Ive lost the absolute love of my life, who I truly connected with. She was my lifeline, even though I hadnt truly realized that at first, she was and is my lifeline. I know she may not sound that special, but Im leaving out LOADS of details ahout her personality bc this post isnt really supposed to be a ""love story"" type thing, but trust me, she was amazing in everyway, but I just dont know who she is now. People always say there are other ""fish in the sea"" but she's the only one I want. I may be lonely, but Im only lonely for her. I dont want a rebound or a hookup or a new love. She's my end-all be-all. Ive grown way too attached, more than I was consciously aware of. I dont know if I can handle one more morning waking up like this, with such a deep pain in my chest and the constant feeling that Im going to throw up. I don't want to be here at all anymore. I feel like Im slowly dying physically, emotionally, and mentally.",5.775517942651574,5.327694568258239,6.339542865476705,81.5209453820663,67.00268997982515,9.694846095883198,30.15507085504088,9.208627347671394,2.246100678166601,5761,182,1221,94,83,1883,464,1487,0.116,0.7190000000000001,0.165,0.9985,1,7,3,0,0,1,199.0,15,0,7,26,63,91,5,5,55,0,147,34,18,9,16,234,249,114,6,21,48,2,14,15,3,7,6,13,0,5,78,90,2,4,33,5,1,22,50,32,2,8,95,29,218,59,156,133,59,163,0,12,1,8,145,69,0,25,78,867,296,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197008514317211,0.0,0.0,0.06072081052991553,0.0,0.023442350351768598,0.09756619848757353,0.0,0.0,0.01993448707487936,0.03073822611657528,0.0,0.0,0.08721466639278652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026095624994440413,0.02740458046169965,0.03334884309280956,0.02754141525686001,0.022540613422882043,0.048951837436549454,0.1250865568655614,0.0,0.0249440071910574,0.03302677648643772,0.1538158780200503,0.0,0.03200323450177744,0.03256118332531453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410937002439502,0.059775038970720826,0.0,0.031010265763588143,0.0,0.0,0.03167795939434519,0.0,0.0936191956503645,0.0,0.03219999090532009,0.07562027495233924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126973710244522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025652829856391314,0.029998342201027463,0.17177861970200534,0.0,0.0,0.02999548285120652,0.0,0.03297424134664107,0.02596345346227904,0.0,0.0,0.19361583484330225,0.0,0.07409478612560268,0.0,0.263454826097958,0.0,0.055269154883060966,0.0,0.1333980974245901,0.104709436922609,0.08443794957362842,0.0,0.0,0.0748032771373416,0.03544653733105466,0.0,0.09059152138534897,0.0,0.1378379322279578,0.0,0.03331957972515253,0.09834858143491457,0.02344503882234366,0.032318726645024366,0.0,0.0,0.025922223786369297,0.0,0.02625953589549574,0.028941450723828813,0.06016912704366194,0.0,0.06607789051197581,0.17368582335597074,0.09824259344796286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660498971283748,0.03382435550348587,0.09414354971426687,0.03309187456573704,0.2216486280248029,0.0,0.029089566112169576,0.0,0.06486307142243823,0.0,0.09666106167327723,0.0,0.0,0.031039233998384437,0.0,0.0,0.06211591649395324,0.21481968432851745,0.0,0.02588474952642497,0.02594191790187191,0.024616329976637128,0.0327948050157236,0.09599889776074323,0.1246083341668264,0.18519885208334724,0.0,0.019567285184575088,0.0,0.05889959343332329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02954156074528997,0.0,0.029598726880229437,0.0,0.04679622071081172,0.0,0.1077456083871147,0.04347183594314,0.022608720688567917,0.056623179384681324,0.0,0.0,0.028721441089463694,0.11251007912167174,0.0,0.06152010598899736,0.06243678711511452,0.07945554816945738,0.06688372583503377,0.062384206208003015,0.0,0.0,0.03174414462854051,0.02798347640133417,0.0406451954710253,0.10238322051303857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033047067254384485,0.028074655140591303,0.0,0.031605389527605464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031178987670007863,0.0,0.0,0.09389631546699463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0250339479280986,0.11153709392550824,0.04662324954115648,0.0,0.02966727623088176,0.0,0.026686313578397257,0.0,0.03311641273276087,0.0,0.07274639196597407,0.0,0.05867022817386645,0.0,0.02483760954524504,0.06770191850850499,0.0,0.0,0.020748560375572458,0.0,0.09364061388268764,0.02450776969795596,0.06715804740848776,0.0,0.0,0.03206469678887778,0.03326511615996292,0.0,0.0,0.022040437652898502,0.1649300640411517,0.025621679039290447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142236995891449,0.09391595805285256,0.05760160210764455,0.0,0.2051183571455164,0.0,0.0,0.08403218887445407,0.0,0.2189246806470749,0.0,0.057270927429423565,0.0,0.0705221303793439,0.05063567124103626,0.0,0.07256122118405144,0.10374074168746067,0.139608265330656,0.0705416328376022,0.0,0.05271351207145729,0.05434863937166173,0.0529025497679272,0.0,0.0,0.028257595856033508,0.0,0.10670450145921988,0.0,0.0,0.02082378469355121,0.0961505876476136,0.0,0.018877218780846968
suicidewatch,Alecazzzam,2019/01/15,"I just want to close my eyes and say goodbye No funeral, no “celebration of life”, I’ll make sure to have every last penny and possession of mine to go to my dad. It’s time.",0.1255405405405412,2.13625175675676,3.006689189189192,89.98138513513516,85.48648648648648,6.943243243243244,20.06081081081081,8.07648339933343,0.902951351351351,133,4,31,3,4,47,29,37,0.175,0.7340000000000001,0.091,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,7,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,6,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825640983772246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580520636280604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701185011838701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207151384188021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030877557958309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361085759675991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279450185674712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26476532110157885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678156276837835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BonelessB0nes,2019/01/15,"Nitrogen tank + breathing apparatus or school, sobriety and possible future career? Recovering drug addict, personality disorder, poverty, and lots of trouble just getting out of the house and connecting with others. Sometimes I work towards a plan at a better life. Others I reflect and simply don't have the faith that it will get better. More realistically that I am capable of achieving more. After a year sober and without selfharm (I got sober after hospitalization for near suicide) I still want nothing more than to get out of this. I have the tools for it to be painless, clean, and efficient. I'm defeated and empty. I haven't been able to follow through yet and don't think I will tomorrow, but the thought occurs regularly: ""As often as I fantasize about and plan my death, despite not having done it, how close am I?"" Realistically speaking, where am I now compared with those who have followed through? How much time do I have before I follow through? Of course, I want things to change. I want to live a full, good life. But if they don't change, I believe I truly am capable of saying goodbye to the life I have today. 
TL;DR Not ready to leave yet, but I feel that I'll be giving up before long.",4.566119298245617,6.761946173333335,5.600865497076025,75.99926315789476,71.71111111111111,7.9368421052631595,30.06432748538012,8.6894789155246,2.6184222222222227,959,41,165,18,19,316,131,225,0.098,0.779,0.123,0.3699,1,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,7,10,6,0,0,9,0,21,6,1,2,0,34,36,18,2,4,9,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,1,1,12,14,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,4,3,21,4,33,28,6,24,1,1,0,0,6,9,0,4,12,127,33,4,0.1450066160490145,0.0,0.0,0.15807861527384726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24677990003156744,0.16337280007299668,0.0,0.2564931361153831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067955451774474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619014477622773,0.0,0.0,0.14839211343990333,0.0,0.0,0.1681616380631438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331970203569395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272799158747319,0.13910355926023768,0.0,0.12162466974961332,0.11597503746087005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731816595961702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354106909341847,0.0,0.0,0.3072673838115817,0.0,0.0,0.1280434986156395,0.12832629211128158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232794394792107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659654747110996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913775894909106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661418396808186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634731719508412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153150812215758,0.0,0.1467544369753596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434152510820469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115802470889425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861370243147266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633595240309152,0.09291438445367672,0.0,0.1151190557467265,0.08455452393049671,0.0,0.13744931683588754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658597741274697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978120329808916,0.0,0.10556654350414446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337950650690872
suicidewatch,Dartxmz,2019/01/15,How do I stop feeling like I will always be alone? I've hidden my self harm from everyone because I feel like it's my burden to bear. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable opening up to and I can't stand the feeling that it will never change.,2.551346153846154,3.746544519230774,4.23,87.89000000000001,74.96153846153847,6.7384615384615385,24.538461538461537,7.1686216300943375,0.9611000000000004,193,6,41,2,4,65,37,52,0.193,0.601,0.206,-0.0772,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,9,11,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,8,3,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27555904209180665,0.0,0.0,0.2213841347072368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860360954133898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621883666648101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814573472999583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25423276653741944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5381139110831328,0.3801481816142909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25996801171098344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052027093015701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775597352627149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243897875665414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6lassRhythm,2019/01/15,"I'm a homeless Registered sex offender I was accused of raping my oldest daughter in 2014, and now my life has been turned upside down. I was eventully indicted and accepted a plea deal after being railroaded by my attorney. Living with the red scarlet of being a sex offender has been life's greatest challenge and left no work for me and made it equally hard to find housing. I lost all merit and credibility. As a veteran of 12 years in the Army I worked hard every day my entire life I enjoyed the respect and admiration given to me before. Now I cant get any kind of job, and in 2016 I actually applied for 340 jobs. I was hired 6 times and they remitted their job offers. Now I'm living with my wife and children in a hotel and I can't do anything to help them and support them financially. All I think about all day is how my being in their lives has become a burden to them and I need to die. ",4.605146520146518,5.28318722527473,6.3392857142857135,76.62654761904763,69.6043956043956,9.143589743589745,30.551282051282055,9.2995712137729,2.701196336996337,713,28,136,14,12,247,109,182,0.136,0.73,0.134,0.1531,3,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,6,4,5,13,3,0,9,0,15,6,0,2,3,23,25,14,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,14,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,8,3,25,8,23,14,5,16,0,1,1,3,12,7,0,0,9,95,26,7,0.0,0.0,0.14439097773258985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062021606191633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176130742320294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634139994215971,0.1259059931457694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084836183104906,0.1525438141039683,0.0,0.0,0.15356269485249874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466558350218195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352359075806003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730479272321765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650923663664337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991767778331648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072994886357834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440492662242971,0.0,0.0,0.15408115809473566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076271525535998,0.0,0.3135328696960391,0.0,0.0,0.39196329661367457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615195782416063,0.0,0.0,0.1400065886798985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971301917065752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790716323763094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480900065744062,0.0,0.0,0.0862786743091728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094173871409462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543829949124985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528360700940593
suicidewatch,taylarb,2019/01/15,"Anyone have experience going to the er for suicidal behaviours? I’m bpd and at a very low point. I called my psychiatrist who said I should go to the er. 
I’m scared that they won’t take me seriously because it’s all in my head",1.0324999999999989,3.1666289166666672,3.8873333333333338,84.29100000000003,82.75,8.006666666666666,22.1,8.841846274778883,1.6419950000000003,180,6,40,5,5,64,40,48,0.237,0.763,0.0,-0.8883,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,6,0,5,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155510165269516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757180113749988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630479883789545,0.0,0.2943413189676483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819694060252245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276447369810477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958335304229233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724948278142244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741971995468068,0.0,0.2885942622644416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153049718042568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167324275185782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378411575214161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BenTheAsian32,2019/01/15,I want to die. I failed at being a good korean. I just want to die. I got a 75 in math. I'm Korean so this is really bad. At school today i tried to hang myself but some guy pulled the rope off me. I hate my life. I cut up my upper left arm and now it's a mess. I am a failure. I'm too stupid to be Korean. I just want to die. ,-3.8294725738396593,-2.432235898734177,0.7192721518987355,101.63139767932492,104.18987341772151,4.658649789029536,7.849156118143459,6.42735559955562,-1.5278109704641352,240,1,70,4,12,92,52,79,0.389,0.5479999999999999,0.064,-0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,5,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,5,0,4,2,1,0,0,8,11,3,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,1,10,8,1,11,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,42,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094038055865136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6747195541417691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176263327503114,0.17331951031361492,0.0,0.0,0.2145729184143257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139522184300736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545160206152255,0.0,0.1530657908906684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882735311559952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931794729104087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054118611082553,0.0,0.0,0.14712908592435006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38345627586903946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aqualung01,2019/01/15,"Need help for someone else Hi guys, not super familiar with your sub, but stumbled upon it in search for help. Not for myself, but I like chatting in r/drunk just to be sociable. However I’ve just come across this post from a felow user https://reddit.com/r/drunk/comments/ag59xm/_/ee3rhr5/?context=1. This is out of my league, perhaps you guys can help. And if not, know which sub would be better to help this poor guy. Again sorry if this isnt where i should bring this.",6.877142857142857,8.685144809523813,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,65.19047619047619,7.504761904761906,23.523809523809533,7.793537801064563,0.8974666666666673,380,8,70,4,6,110,62,84,0.085,0.6809999999999999,0.235,0.9431,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,17,11,5,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,13,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,2,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555696960130308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807298878836948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526656963064902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6232248334882646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625160133202555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530427118270023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250095212453146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556900390791226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093681532073174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776852955837347,0.0,0.0,0.2348614149307449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904065457947607,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,need_help2,2019/01/15,"I feel so sad I hope I die in my sleep tonight. My life has gotten so bad that I really don't know if I want to live any longer. 

Mostly because I have no money. I'm afraid I will be homeless soon and will have no place to go. I have very little family and none that can help me. 

I'm well educated but have a hard time with most jobs mostly because of my asperger's I guess. 80% of people with asperger's are unemployed. 

I've never used drugs, rarely drink and am as responsible as I can be. 

I'm a very small, less than 100 lb woman with some health issues. Im not exactly young either. I wouldn't last very long homeless. 

I figure if I run out of money I wont have any option than suicide. 

The suicide rate of people with asperger's is around 39% and I'm afraid I might be one of those. 

The thing is though, I really don't want to give up. I would love to still try and have a good life. 

But I cant even figure out how to support myself in a way that wont make me crazy. 

So I don't know what to do. 

I don't know why I'm even posting this. But I cant sleep. I want to cry but even tears won't come out now. 
I just feel so numb. And I'm trembling all over. I'm terrified. 

I'm sure there are nice people out there that could help me but I don't know how to find them. ",-0.17209255533199294,1.48895211267606,2.2431790744466795,97.04563380281692,84.21126760563381,5.606438631790745,16.480885311871223,6.7097532225279775,-0.4515790744466801,976,18,247,11,28,334,140,284,0.183,0.715,0.101,-0.9663,3,0,2,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,0,18,13,0,3,6,0,34,9,2,4,4,57,61,22,3,9,10,0,3,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,8,16,1,0,9,1,2,3,16,6,1,1,1,3,32,7,30,48,8,26,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,10,9,153,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536403738624666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169114565186896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537936783938497,0.13927014614263158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840118580540044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120535782071026,0.0,0.1254790397179363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855530229390175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190436338491523,0.1324734361289041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22634847104546985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076882366386408,0.0,0.11551877082653818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440643751145623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958222508539604,0.06492096348739326,0.09581280311817893,0.0,0.0,0.1258399798557652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232988441810648,0.0,0.0,0.12142380808239793,0.0,0.0,0.15313527660920265,0.0,0.0,0.11345864969078873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233907047681592,0.1192290537574794,0.11335813206591265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511167830770019,0.0931147356992262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137158911584265,0.0,0.1144909771561318,0.10086939227608537,0.10109216975681223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030992931671164,0.0,0.07625108224616989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118263281799516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810314790442457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774068998488327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375833014292604,0.0,0.11934865164676008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940316032423436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463605319951102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286299990871315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122622381437052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499036334355254,0.12962968977634434,0.10766278143419414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589099859265194,0.0,0.11223285341810016,0.0,0.06660989066430567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755637057313625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866020492801744,0.0,0.2827613331229618,0.20213186837295552,0.09067244315837818,0.0,0.0,0.10270873824677798,0.0,0.10307706550334901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114749206988613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ace7415,2019/01/15,"Just took 19 pill s. I took 19 total and in kind of fucked up right now. I had 6 clonodine , 6 minipress, 3 abilify, 1 doxycycline, and 3 Prozac. I hope I die. Love you guys s",-1.5168421052631589,0.4214125789473684,1.3476842105263138,98.93678947368423,94.26315789473685,5.145263157894737,18.12631578947369,6.742157984588678,-0.060332631578947186,130,4,33,2,5,45,30,38,0.21600000000000005,0.605,0.179,-0.3597,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,3,3,3,1,6,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30651519048912396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730360899099378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29243198255265795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933382054595777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30755005679964625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26655492308620465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522178400469079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6562648559136007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,selfishrain,2019/01/15,"Completely lost on what to do It’s been 5 years since I got depressed and I really feel like I’m reaching my limit. But I’m too scared to kill myself. I really really want to just disappear. I feel like I’ve missed out on most important years in my life. I’ve barely gone to school, I’ve lost all my friends. I have my family which is very important to me but honestly I can’t even feel anything for them anymore. I feel so unbelievably empty I don’t know what to do. 

I’ve gotten help from the start. I’ve tried loads of different medicine and gone to a lot of different therapist. I haven’t been alone, I’ve gotten a lot of support. I’ve really tried but nothing is changing I’m only getting worse. I don’t know what to anymore. ",1.8276190476190488,3.7046336339869295,3.9427310924369756,86.26014705882353,78.67320261437908,8.03155929038282,24.00046685340803,8.841846274778883,1.7894466853408026,578,20,123,14,14,198,81,153,0.154,0.695,0.151,-0.1136,2,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,3,4,11,1,1,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,19,32,6,1,1,4,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,9,4,17,5,17,23,4,10,0,4,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166025101708146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27129307455442603,0.0,0.0,0.11255623700426844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469247013796133,0.0,0.14340861753714534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178062694364408,0.0,0.0,0.28580677388403364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034025575554892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894166408366722,0.0,0.2766352762048835,0.1954277617688406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105673965379178,0.0,0.07146060399202181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939347007043464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167908219242847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132405017740247,0.0,0.1503386855425001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661000071086864,0.13364516553632078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986176202297794,0.2325666965620797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124171030684273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402546022318088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504927026513994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693814911549926,0.13842614290496866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314377016766768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096811825975168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552134981139975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880923190360896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572590273804246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285577072432182,0.08067491952040391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938796850585064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616046476729186
suicidewatch,mihr0,2019/01/15,cant live without it really fucking sucks to live without him and have to live the rest of my life without him and now im just panicking because all i want to do is kill myself so i can be with him again and i keep thinking of everything i could do,2.5027777777777764,3.4581131666666667,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,74.74074074074073,7.622222222222224,28.314814814814817,8.07648339933343,1.7142370370370363,197,8,44,3,4,67,38,54,0.191,0.7859999999999999,0.023,-0.8852,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,13,13,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,9,11,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,2,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738398618284116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684267751878315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878055383239455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318608214602456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257195855195105,0.0,0.0,0.1857389498466728,0.23119037571371245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475991578064643,0.0,0.0,0.5535635149894581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386923545182772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338972401497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325380488250325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.604308497219516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drews_news,2019/01/15,"I went off my meds six months ago and ruined my life. I think the world is telling me I’m not welcome. 6 months ago I quit my meds and subsequently quit my job as well. At the time, I was thinking how life is too short to be drugged and worked to death. I decided it was time for self-discovery. 

Fast forward to today, and I’m at the lowest point in my life. Like I mentioned, I quit my meds (lithium and trazadone), but I was unable to stop using my Xanax. I was taking 4mg a day and tried to detox but it was terrifying. I now ration what I have left. 

Over the last 6 months I’ve severed ties with everybody in my life. I never had much of a family or any friends, and now I have none. No support system.

I want to get back on meds and find a purpose but it’s not happening. I need health insurance and a job and a life. I’ve worked hard to get these things back but it hasn’t worked. I’m running out of money and my life consists of sleeping until the late afternoon, drinking, and watching tv. I’m alone all the time. I drink to ease my pain, but it only makes my mood swings worse. Sometimes I get psychosis and hurt myself. I took a hot knife to my ribs a few weeks ago. Yesterday I punched myself in the face until I couldn’t stand the pain. I’m literally self-destructing. 

I can’t handle the world around me. My fits of hypomania were once enjoyable, but they’ve since become increasingly dangerous. Sometimes I worry I’ll hurt another person. 

I get the feeling that some people aren’t meant to live. Life isn’t precious for everybody. Internal and external pain/hardship are much worse when it’s your own fault. 

I’m giving myself 30 days to find something. If not, I’m quitting life. I’ve thought about all the different ways to do it. I decided a drug overdose would be best. Heroin and Xanax with a fifth of vodka should do it. I figure I’ll feel myself start to nod off, at which point I’ll slit my wrists to make sure I don’t come back. 

Any suggestions? 

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suicidewatch,DismalCloud,2019/01/15,"I started writing my ""goodbye note"" Hey the names pj and i'm 15. The pain has gotten to the point where its been unbearable for the last few month. Soon it will happen. Very soon. maybe even today. just a few pills.",-0.5597093023255795,1.3935454418604678,0.5015988372093041,101.03984011627908,106.2093023255814,3.080232558139535,14.67732558139535,5.148860815047168,-1.0574627906976746,166,4,36,1,8,51,37,43,0.078,0.922,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903189458428545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200274537724893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294997243653966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635777368107771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288865559600087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850876921844792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421129884372702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25615506606075955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430393975498667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986058481392714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ofwgkta609,2019/01/15,"I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve lost so many friends and relationships to my constant need to talk about myself. I honestly think I have narcissistic personality disorder, then again I’m not doctor or some shit. People have literally told me that I can’t change because of my personality and I don’t think I can ever find someone to be with friends or otherwise (I’m 16 btw). I think I should give up, my family probably would be better off which sounds like the typical thing to say when you’re suicidal but rationally yeah, they don’t have to pay for my college, they can focus on my sister who’s 9, and they don’t have to deal with my bullshit anymore. I don’t think I can change, I’ve tried believe me, but I can’t seem to shake the narcissistic part of me that I hate so goddamn much. I’m a fat fuck who deserves to die and logically I should. I don’t get good grades I’m not good at anything not even fucking videogames. I can’t even get a killstreak on Battlefield 4 fuck. I say that I have fake friends but tbh I am the problem and I realize that now. Every bad thing that’s happened to me is because of me. I don’t think I can hold on any longer.



Sorry for the horribly structured post",2.831330645161291,4.360456891129033,4.471806451612904,85.08770967741938,74.84677419354837,7.863225806451613,27.72258064516129,8.548686976883017,1.900215483870968,951,38,204,18,20,320,128,248,0.242,0.665,0.094,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,2,9,18,5,1,6,1,27,6,2,0,1,33,49,14,2,5,8,1,0,1,3,3,2,3,0,2,11,7,1,1,10,0,1,1,13,10,0,0,2,3,36,8,24,42,3,14,0,1,0,3,18,6,4,4,7,129,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654197353182346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325071325046467,0.0,0.0,0.09262403853567636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397960006014272,0.1372262464230497,0.0,0.0,0.12681212424331534,0.0,0.0995466792210466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23813875244199026,0.0,0.0,0.12163310349528125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160403449581598,0.0,0.0,0.11681540931737475,0.0,0.12899898439618504,0.11520588631289845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868441861835693,0.10181339094158512,0.09483332640511932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610782645911407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287419033384744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608815744558214,0.31216876283046696,0.11761178081475356,0.10797401912506177,0.0,0.18881334866573612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953294305939853,0.0,0.0,0.1111257965632549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185786133985355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498920047528591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286822436390685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411416806163935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274164742095988,0.08345888468664628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188723335701017,0.0,0.0780321927585347,0.1965592022803343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107797582281119,0.0,0.12135445871258205,0.10770093857070988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084307449064825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901817683806126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024668003699807,0.0,0.0,0.11553716758001012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953683756830456,0.0,0.0,0.12599728257982826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311804982497054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046828923033398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955447614022,0.3606068592833752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755212900620166,0.0,0.07641816939753125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995658834155547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imdone48,2019/01/15,"I bought booze tonight to end it I’m on the fence. I’m scared of death, but I think of the 15 people I’ve lost in 10 years, and sometimes I want to be with them instead. No more pain, no anxiety, no worries. Sometimes life is too hard ",-0.556470588235296,1.4707548235294112,1.1446078431372584,101.99573529411768,89.0,4.184313725490196,20.264705882352946,5.46131890053228,-0.4338000000000002,180,6,45,1,6,58,39,51,0.452,0.526,0.022,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,8,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,7,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555549600508486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495671533267681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524131710999935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990245311318253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075884039779703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998262303298919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534584921168327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282103826945797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.557361202800364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805486957831625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619695594143385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861540558745493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145250826155104
suicidewatch,BlueShadesTM,2019/01/15,"I'm killing myself a different way It's 6am. I've been up all night. Just thinking... I get insomnia. I've never liked living since x didn't love me blunt but true.  Since then I've just left empty. Like I'm not good enough.

Like all these good people die. Malcolm, chick on YouTube had that lung disease spoke about death a lot finally gets a transplant has a stroke... Why are these people gone yet I get to exist? 

I've been close. To ending it. But I promised I never will idk I just said I'll tough it out til the end and that's what I'll do.

But here's the thing. I just have no regard for my life. Death terrifies me. But I'll still use cocaine I'll still probably relapse on meth I'll still pop percs to feel something xans to feel nothing weed daily just to function

And lately. I'm gonna do steroids. I'm just gonna inject testosterone and get bigger. Like that will fill the void... I don't know lifting helps. But I think I'm just killing myself in a different way.

I think I'm dead set on the steroids but I need some motivation to stay alive right now, I'm just feeling sad. If I let myself fly too far off the rails who knows maybe I'll be doing drugs on the steroids. Trying not to except weed. 

I just haven't been right since that girl man. And I think it's finally time to admit it. I've just been blocking it out for years. I'm not ok and I don't know if I'll be ok. I might not directly do the deed but god damn I wanna see the future but if I live to be old I'll be gobsmacked.

Somethings gonna happen. Family death idk never death with that. And I'll fly off the rails. I know it. 

I don't want to die. But why do I care so little about living now, I'm scared one small thing (pet death etc) and it's all over. I've been off the rails before and it wasn't pretty. Meth binges. Enough said.

Anyway I'm sorry for ranting. I'll never be loved. Maybe the steroids will make me lovable. If not maybe they'll kill me. They might as well if they don't. 

I'm not usually so gloomy but fuck I just need to let it out man. Why? It shouldn't have been me. I shouldn't have been given this life. I shouldn't have been born. 

/melodramatic me over",-0.8580752652519872,1.2801813987068975,0.9267586206896541,101.1325649867374,94.92672413793105,3.9760742705570298,14.897082228116712,5.6839178017228535,-0.9731302652519892,1675,36,403,13,65,540,198,464,0.223,0.6779999999999999,0.1,-0.9966,2,0,6,0,0,4,61.0,0,0,3,1,25,22,5,1,16,2,43,9,1,3,8,81,89,28,11,12,33,0,4,4,0,12,5,3,1,4,23,13,0,1,13,0,0,2,21,8,1,1,16,8,36,14,35,54,8,52,0,1,1,3,15,22,2,9,28,219,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757443426478875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096663079559778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648358742831245,0.16593892435056193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209362314923968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406723198751053,0.16410927847278473,0.08856625136648222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486330975030303,0.0,0.12046047635705648,0.0,0.0,0.17398565699035745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341584363132457,0.16595961808363582,0.0,0.0,0.1332153591102123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022446689628703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053228718402003584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635754545656492,0.0,0.17457276766520674,0.0,0.08958108477616751,0.0,0.0862822274208581,0.16240991391640958,0.11218320252950552,0.15518830930681982,0.07959247689435046,0.21036884233592684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751391323379502,0.14334628480001738,0.0,0.05300865319344037,0.0,0.23934246054758496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684888388961796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776715336109027,0.24499215355074444,0.0,0.0,0.07452352274570634,0.0,0.07619871265571203,0.0,0.08333036320657251,0.0,0.05381216092932569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010965754215128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079135565152247,0.08562041778964401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563617551087892,0.1510794950431403,0.0,0.07950605529035791,0.0,0.06328171108789124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707323864417498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227168919603787,0.0,0.0888961154727332,0.0,0.08464346668342138,0.1902574672203832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551665645647484,0.20353803413374072,0.0,0.0,0.04630623578663394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053916070822192526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858715224708471,0.08746196754030293,0.0,0.046839720365465534,0.12606835082201948,0.0,0.0,0.07140163424936535,0.0,0.21497307014572967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113923235500418
suicidewatch,OHNONOTHERAGEN,2019/01/15,I’m feeling more and more hopeless and alone. I just want to not wake up. I want to not exist anymore I was supposed to be getting better. I really was. I’ve been fucked up for so fucking long. Why why why do I do this to myself. I screw it all up. I had to take an entire year off from my first year of college after being ~~raped~~ sexually assaulted right before the first semester and that was last year and then I finally started school this previously semester and I fucking fell in _love_ with it. I can’t even begin to express my happiness. I was only part time but still. All throughout high school I was in a shitty shitty therapeutic school that never challenged me and I lived in a fucking awful group home because I was suicidal and a fucking mess. I thought I was finally better. Nope I had to fucking listen to my eating disorder and fuxking relapse so now I’ve had to take a leave of absence and I’m supposed to call a partial program but I honestly just can’t do this anymore. I’m just done with everything. I just can’t. ,1.5168910256410228,4.021997932692312,3.5611538461538466,84.96717948717952,84.09615384615384,6.1589743589743575,26.93589743589744,7.492282038375204,1.8092108974358976,822,38,155,14,24,278,108,208,0.177,0.742,0.081,-0.9721,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,5,9,17,9,0,7,1,20,11,1,0,3,26,40,14,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,7,11,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,11,0,2,13,2,24,6,24,25,5,27,0,1,0,9,5,9,7,0,17,114,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794505877535317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672522226854312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353423440366943,0.0,0.08868729843469264,0.0,0.0,0.18435604606538372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642477801587816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945020615365122,0.0,0.0,0.10665775979580196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664759350580068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883924140539106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936701814076858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269899448658942,0.0,0.0,0.228345498600796,0.0,0.17730646383474974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5781227387078917,0.05445295375843217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094882501108408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011881398438138,0.10454558354451733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495680672714452,0.0,0.11035860388085007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203206560092424,0.0922353251949203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940666013550926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803842920496141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792673621379537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286488199998287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676882738171143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900707868997854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164420087774765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377057551435978,0.0,0.08323375034945313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400459082422945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672757442554158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274254144056276,0.06077409300245345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294851755241935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821389632760997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013513133007148
suicidewatch,swthrowaway4561,2019/01/15,"I'm finally ready to go I've gotten in yet another fight with my parents, worse than all the other ones, and they said they don't want me to visit home again. now that i know my relationship with them can't be patched up, i'm ready to go. i just can't live without them liking me or wanting to see me, but now i also know that theyre not gonna miss me. i have the pills and all the other stuff that i need, so as soon as i leave their house i'm gonna do it. i hate that it has to end like this but i'm so glad it can just finally end",1.9693548387096769,1.8266183548387112,3.9679032258064533,94.2218548387097,75.12903225806451,7.490322580645162,21.951612903225808,7.1686216300943375,0.25039032258064475,412,8,111,4,8,142,72,124,0.106,0.7809999999999999,0.113,0.4167,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,10,6,2,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,18,26,10,0,3,7,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,2,2,18,3,13,21,2,14,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,1,11,72,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512660922549215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834407718216376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350679507599085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144171191683903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500073776603573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675005234070605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973651689994867,0.0,0.0,0.21825789663908615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790778019442488,0.0,0.0,0.20028638609470706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482182147666815,0.0,0.16702612370795553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025502237598206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817539729607078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100327250177713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308021345245952,0.0,0.0,0.1799284210670976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073095598072025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165356555815512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313542750923435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233735259137834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276371223605876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilmissdisappearing,2019/01/15,"Sometimes I wish I'd never met my husband, so I could just off myself without it hurting him. Makes me feel like shit.

I don't want to hurt him or mess his life up. But god I am fucking tired of being alive.",0.9416666666666664,2.4753524444444466,2.695277777777779,95.77625000000003,80.1111111111111,4.5,22.36111111111111,3.1291,-0.2415555555555557,160,5,37,0,4,53,40,45,0.193,0.5329999999999999,0.274,0.5297,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,10,10,3,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,10,1,5,7,0,3,0,2,0,1,5,2,2,1,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091521414176253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245383204239813,0.1871428422930456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421759430729196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5608628981583985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850286772290896,0.12797944320098853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485899423308365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203815313205106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688961150208853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908315298242884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30108217697726924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450961116434694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30123876352989554,0.2525181569248064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,econofit,2019/01/15,"Dropping out of college, no purpose left in life I guess this is it. I’m home again from college and this time I think it’s for good. It’s the beginning of the semester and I already can’t take it. I’ve tied the noose and I’m making preparations over the next couple days, writing letters to some people and all that. 

My parents are worried sick and they know I’m in a bad place but they don’t know what to do. Frankly, neither do I. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve done everything I’m supposed to. I exercise, I get outdoors, I’ve taken antidepressants. It’s not enough. The unhappiness always come back, along with the urge to take my life. 

I used up all my chances last time I felt this low. I took a leave of absence from school that year. I can’t do that again. Depression has destroyed my mind and I simply can’t finish college even though I’m so close. I can’t do my work, I can’t focus, I can’t even talk (depression has caused me to basically have a speech impediment). Now, the three years of school my parents paid for are for naught, and I feel like I’ve let them down.

For so long, I’ve been living to please others. Ever since the depression started I lost passion for everything I once loved. That passion never came back. All I’ve done since then has been because I don’t want to disappoint the people in my life. But now I realize I simply can’t keep doing that. I’ve spent all my willpower. 

I’m still here because of how much it will hurt my family if I go. But now I realize I’ll be a burden on them for the rest of my life. Better I go now than be a constant source of disappointment for the rest of my life. 

Please somebody convince me there’s a reason to stay. For so long, I’ve worked towards the goal of being successful. Now it seems like I’ll be a college dropout, too depressed to get a job. What else can I work towards to make life worth living?",1.3857245080500888,3.5062696356589207,2.946149870801033,91.61423971377458,81.32558139534882,6.036414231763071,23.10137149672033,7.2200825789825185,0.8063865235539653,1467,51,318,20,39,481,183,387,0.127,0.7490000000000001,0.124,-0.3179,4,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,4,8,21,21,1,0,20,0,32,11,0,6,6,44,66,17,0,2,5,2,2,2,0,1,8,1,1,0,18,13,0,1,9,1,3,5,13,12,0,1,11,3,41,9,42,49,10,47,0,9,0,3,10,14,0,4,28,200,59,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787087306070154,0.0,0.0737966212863077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363932294679987,0.07405187994557443,0.10812837593475982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843849871610485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143695812742044,0.0,0.09110836506849204,0.0,0.0763979984647659,0.0,0.09584165043984036,0.0,0.0,0.09813304873137108,0.0,0.0571972760928571,0.0,0.30555193492719857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815199389086164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408854879710873,0.0,0.0,0.09163977855707167,0.0,0.11715692246251275,0.08022456999213844,0.0,0.0,0.15941648914466866,0.0,0.08360840034654038,0.0,0.04484398640129575,0.06335966989768058,0.08515565818860983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267302124616128,0.0,0.10080837193668836,0.0743883960911152,0.0,0.0,0.09770128793813064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896262200939914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949437543262458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801046784809204,0.07883114509354958,0.0,0.0,0.09748266472079874,0.07229363525216938,0.0,0.09390918707107784,0.0963612086755909,0.09069084140322403,0.3758633491036357,0.08665824645546619,0.0,0.15662859371410762,0.15697451949724228,0.0,0.0,0.09681487252445448,0.0,0.08004557644942048,0.0,0.118401623246697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955093349938599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519685694975136,0.0,0.06840267323256045,0.0,0.09432210090918193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944512342285176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695799449310025,0.0,0.0,0.12297201874336555,0.0,0.09266146571966052,0.19470848696410611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118739497876899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951665905158778,0.0,0.08073942849883446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672944854747785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062774759127967,0.09453101756775993,0.0708274077174197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336666637986005,0.07128511813924421,0.0,0.0,0.10142396992233392,0.0,0.0,0.056828536903996266,0.08713680930724857,0.0,0.10343091463905027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853710088504222,0.060214228431118115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659909911584112,0.0,0.0,0.05231126042246606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193700649752791,0.09006831234065085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422603212208725
suicidewatch,Jonz1,2019/01/15,I want it to end I just got done having a really fun night of bowling and now I want to die. It just hit in the middle of a game and I was having so much fun. Then it was like I ran into a wall. I'm petty sure they noticed and were talking about it every time I went up. I really just want to end this cycle of disappointment and I really don't know how much longer I can hang in.,-0.06290697674418766,1.4110361395348858,3.009476744186045,92.6330523255814,82.95348837209302,6.16046511627907,15.401162790697676,7.1686216300943375,-0.31201860465116305,292,4,72,4,8,105,53,86,0.104,0.7140000000000001,0.183,0.5975,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,14,17,7,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,0,10,4,11,9,2,15,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22621053666338495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230511877345318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860999446998261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364270420345347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432442502195505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978642280420672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648540824275253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204548539765978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454292668593066,0.0,0.0,0.24815161213057446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188968420013311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542696189603085,0.0,0.0,0.17518990326191747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709561548675702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856795734708437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020533081856384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,45rabbito,2019/01/15,"Sometimes Sometimes I think about how wanting to constantly kill yourself for years on end isn't normal; that people can function and experience life without their subconscious nagging at them.

Sometimes I think about how people do things for joy and not about how much pain it will give them since they believe that deserve to suffer.

Sometimes I think about how people can just live their life the way they want to without worrying about pleasing others since they used to be seen as ""perfect"".

Sometimes I think about how people just eat whatever they want and don't restrict themselves since they don't believe that they're just wasting resources and that they might as well rot anyways. I wish my weight plummeted as quickly as my grades.

I'm scared of men but I don't feel that I deserve to be since I haven't been traumatized enough by men that I deserve to be scared, but I'm also slowly becoming scared of women. Yet again I'm scared of any entity that can provide me love since I don't deserve it.

The only reasons why I'm not currently dead is since when my cousin found out I was suicidal he said that it'd be a waste of my parent's money if I killed myself. My brother said it was the ""stupidest shit I've ever heard"" when he found out I was a lesbian and suicidal on the same day. Also the last time I tried killing myself and my parent's found out my dad didn't know how to react so he told my mom to deal with it and I in turn just got a huge lecture about how I probably think that my mother doesn't love me and I in turn just wanted to die even more.
",6.645294117647058,6.116740891719747,6.4198988385163,81.93321281378796,65.2420382165605,9.171674784563509,32.4833270887973,8.313332769828598,2.300384263769202,1256,44,249,14,17,394,152,314,0.194,0.706,0.1,-0.9912,3,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,10,1,31,16,5,4,8,0,24,9,1,10,2,55,55,27,7,7,12,7,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,16,12,2,1,11,0,1,0,12,11,1,0,14,6,40,5,38,34,4,23,0,1,1,3,31,9,1,2,13,166,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196021540696174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050852571492445146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825879968627737,0.0,0.16850160288879612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080998968193727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822654106734098,0.07709430088759615,0.0,0.0,0.07760923424924822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765180177654821,0.0,0.0,0.06623237249204755,0.07726713308532121,0.0,0.049391103199469016,0.06764226871668802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314862410269897,0.0,0.0,0.03781072280949841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459753305290237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173523589120655,0.0,0.0,0.059807935282106976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24819705400539466,0.0,0.041096814871735936,0.060955209890345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563783498959599,0.0,0.0,0.06603159995600377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349826965056835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793291498173354,0.0,0.08758075566714603,0.0,0.0,0.054971479656553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732679567265386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056873120385646035,0.07957057771979599,0.0,0.1660673979394068,0.0,0.0,0.2073705433955572,0.0,0.0,0.08208534989926684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062486506234125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688570066917283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226470993713294,0.0,0.29946898858507903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676000243127143,0.3711498654940457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697938040363293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359310171514427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049680125420163965,0.2395781719000195,0.0,0.0,0.043604482531430566,0.0,0.0,0.07145494265546484,0.0,0.050770319124239134,0.16267707612634702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458541125689657,0.0,0.0,0.1764273630760175,0.05935642476441296,0.0,0.09106119072645613,0.06723568133863997,0.0,0.06747679747416918,0.0,0.0859926452234239,0.14416938926754522,0.0,0.0,0.07594213327415675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815549625258458
suicidewatch,ZnerWill,2019/01/15,"What a pussy move Sometimes I think of killing myself, I think of the cold blade of a knife plunging into my chest, and my life being over. No more thinking, nothing would matter, it’s not like anyone would care. Except then I think about something, WOW that would be so fucking pussy, I’m just going to quit because it’s hard, I’m not a fucking pussy, I’m no bitch, that’s the easy way and I’m not going to take the easy way out. ",1.779,3.5206592888888903,2.695277777777779,95.77625000000003,78.33333333333333,4.5,21.25,3.1291,-0.3856666666666668,336,9,74,0,8,106,55,90,0.18,0.6809999999999999,0.14,-0.2299,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,4,0,6,0,5,4,1,0,0,17,19,4,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,2,6,3,10,14,1,9,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138397132502475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454202835095795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157645977400276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474208393262089,0.0,0.0,0.21357567422177745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832139330370244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788338756693506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271924850725747,0.09179839460767683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970784553044685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029501124692354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985466107627892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465451456106354,0.18583779487406304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127733214796118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815946473941986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29829237184144536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40043607024403743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moogledworfan,2019/01/15,"High expectations Hi I’m 14 and I come from a common hardworking Asian family in the U.S. Recently I have been criticized by my dad to the point where I broke down and almost attempted something that I really don’t want to talk about. 
What stopped me is the past when my parents had time to care about me, my new friends, and my aunt and uncle that have given me the best childhood I had ever wanted.
Throughout my childhood slowly most of my close friends have moved away or stopped talking to me, because they have changed. I’m only fourteen and i attend High school, so homework along with these problems really got to me as a person. My parents don’t understand me and only look at me as a hopeless child at the times of depression. No support, no love, just high expectations 😖 

Mind my use of writing ",3.555082417582419,5.779466980769232,4.262124542124544,84.3519230769231,74.7051282051282,7.277655677655678,28.45054945054945,8.192908349453996,2.081931868131868,643,27,120,11,14,205,98,156,0.134,0.737,0.129,0.2911,2,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,7,10,0,0,8,0,10,1,0,1,1,26,23,11,0,5,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,10,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,1,22,6,21,18,2,26,0,3,1,1,14,11,0,3,12,81,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380760147905768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295513477120494,0.0,0.0,0.08405591502033866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470610250899352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058712644166496,0.0,0.1458683834913317,0.11877924940910822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876367907364566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472858450904795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998957089220542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306555195695034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028250902391087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370622117645469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157921150549272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244502955606415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922868240910305,0.0,0.0,0.14655429045981067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331741512302903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974174689573125,0.0,0.0,0.30621905313138625,0.0,0.13163074764497387,0.0,0.12039944277428084,0.0,0.0,0.13034976842159485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194124558652506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766705755749425,0.0,0.13614885037627955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955112991875246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615376520134244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305629223607809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647491569074873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216600695507495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608084852143067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354741516759836,0.0,0.1190919092283496,0.0,0.0,0.1626611265605477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClashhhhOnnnn,2019/01/15,I feel empty I feel empty I don’t want to do anything I want to lie down fall asleep and not wake up. I might kill myself i just don’t know how to painlessly I don’t even know why I’m writing this.,-1.0617391304347803,0.6679058695652174,1.5936521739130465,100.02308695652177,88.13043478260867,4.549565217391304,15.72173913043478,5.6839178017228535,-0.9137165217391304,154,3,40,1,5,53,28,46,0.198,0.69,0.112,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,2,1,0,12,12,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,5,11,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927908190856734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500072659743684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598035580424909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39363693899186586,0.0,0.3910737250267421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774446537900202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197168703348545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210516754577841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,geiasfuk,2019/01/15,"today i got my name and gender marker legally changed today should be a great day and it was, but i don’t necessarily feel happy? as a transgender person, this is huge step in the right direction. i can finally go places without having to explain myself every time they need identification. the door for discrimination has now been closed for the most part. but all i’ve thought about, and continue to think about is how i will finally be respected in death. i feel more at peace with the idea of suicide since my identity is now a reality. 

i’m not going to do it because i love my family. they’re supportive and i couldn’t ask to be apart of a better one. though, i do wish i could erase a couple people out of it. anyway, that’s besides the point. 

i’ve been clinically depressed for a long time. i thought transitioning would make me happier, but it hasn’t. i don’t regret it, and i have never second guessed who i am. there’s slight satisfaction with my appearance now. i’m just generally and naturally unhappy no matter what. i’m tired. endlessly. i don’t wanna be a body anymore. ",2.5170025728987966,5.0087787877358485,4.587993138936536,79.33239279588338,79.5188679245283,8.00548885077187,25.20240137221269,8.841846274778883,2.248935849056604,861,33,163,22,22,295,132,212,0.128,0.6729999999999999,0.199,0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,12,0,26,4,1,2,2,42,46,12,2,8,6,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,9,10,0,0,8,0,0,4,9,2,0,2,6,2,21,6,21,31,4,27,0,2,0,1,7,10,0,3,13,115,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439753898313455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571978148840408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884978239764246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839620298266846,0.0,0.16125759312724303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357675331733556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591106817476515,0.1606342682542218,0.0,0.09362638489365137,0.0,0.1250397091377678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231687809088662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685882975404928,0.0,0.14681049930270051,0.0,0.0,0.31806599907364325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501351246384655,0.0,0.11611035426733494,0.1600568388330704,0.15992751777637926,0.0,0.0,0.15454234521562085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638858143214559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284760200563132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102683312262745,0.0,0.09690597793618297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764602076920084,0.11196853153337748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837488344942268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721125081783538,0.0,0.10064662466901522,0.12676191426766034,0.15167781836663785,0.0,0.13723806181100726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397934525369145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200909270804853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879876897807188,0.16474378444604515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302279466034008,0.1426344924775881,0.2305067476297795,0.16930636011716402,0.1668582329842597,0.27521937860123963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694501246666754,0.13994429655029442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031287274154848,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mental_Survivor,2019/01/16,"I am numb. I am numb today. 

​

I feel like a monster.

​

That is all. ",-1.7211764705882366,-2.0211619411764707,0.3124705882352963,98.87811764705884,139.0,1.36,21.04705882352941,3.1291,-0.5182847058823525,65,3,13,0,5,21,12,17,0.277,0.578,0.145,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050332697533914,0.5663783461253228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178403757293813,0.1664956197252016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385964029801768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091032410091632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663783461253228,0.0
suicidewatch,donttrusttheliving,2019/01/16,"Update? I haven’t done it yet but I want to so bad. I’m tired of feeling less than worthy. I feel trapped in a relationship because of loneliness. My job doesn’t feel like it is going to go anywhere. 

I know I’m being emotionally abused, but I don’t feel any worth that I would find another. 

My friends have all forgotten about me. I reach out but they ghost me. Even after being close for years. 

I’m tired of life. I’m tired of struggling. ",-0.1251648351648349,2.199570769230771,1.7927472527472543,94.6772527472528,94.05494505494505,4.997802197802199,19.087912087912084,6.67199483983844,0.1953999999999998,344,11,76,5,13,113,61,91,0.341,0.508,0.151,-0.9801,1,1,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,0,1,14,21,4,1,2,3,0,4,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,4,12,2,12,17,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,45,15,1,0.0,0.2109906250714576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210976052762624,0.18672793331353174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868579926767206,0.10855331431957724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822333019734471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003112318807389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761734252312145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601617657958597,0.12721733961374612,0.0,0.0,0.1627579943308337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758086998791594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240908624190904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671268799027126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978657660643272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578015691605232,0.08699880844912931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118669482639186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616342107062836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6140155790759834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503368141808453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649989185602362,0.0,0.0,0.11467493394988636
suicidewatch,Strive_for_Altruism,2019/01/16,"I told myself things would be okay once I met the right girl. I was wrong [24M] I always held onto to the idea that once I found the right girl, my issues would be remedied or at the very least, enter remission. 

The girl I'd been chasing for a year and a half ended up coming onto to me, and for a few days, life was ecstasy. Then, it all fell back into the same old, tired, cycles. 

I have a good job, I have amazing friends, and more of them than I can count, but I am still miserable.

If I can't be happy when my life should logically be at its best, what's the point in living?",2.2477598566308252,3.0105558548387137,3.867204301075269,91.87636200716848,75.12903225806451,6.801433691756272,20.229390681003586,6.937597516519254,0.120660573476703,442,8,105,4,9,148,87,124,0.099,0.772,0.129,0.422,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,0,1,11,1,15,3,0,0,1,17,20,8,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,7,0,15,6,13,6,6,21,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,2,8,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490661256535392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775434381533835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880055786194567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543208000627082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553613426310025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586726336047966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642737646426486,0.13840989317313268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502614863065668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070719398647945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022371521528776,0.0,0.18698476868928207,0.1777775083790271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530761447224423,0.0,0.0,0.15819164363190374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798649515370705,0.3815751806580984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693534910422388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059841367441936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430684369350426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901848056523275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059051540959402,0.0,0.17118432435111186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781649495101445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545242884383985,0.1958710537340627,0.0,0.11536593248053968
suicidewatch,cemeteryghostgirl,2019/01/16,"suicide feels like an inevitability i don’t want this world to win. i don’t want this fucked up world to have control over my destiny too, so I’ll kill my self. atleast that way I’ll have a semblance of control over something. it all just doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t want to live with this sickness for much longer, don’t want to deal with everyone and anything anymore. I’ve withdrawn myself from society and I’m finally okay with that. suicide is just something that will happen now, a finality. my last fuck you to this world. ",2.974,5.292753876190481,3.451666666666668,89.01750000000001,76.90476190476191,6.104761904761905,28.595238095238088,7.1686216300943375,1.5329809523809526,427,19,84,5,10,133,64,105,0.197,0.677,0.126,-0.9453,0,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,3,5,6,3,0,3,1,9,3,0,2,1,16,18,3,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,8,3,14,17,2,11,0,0,0,2,3,6,2,0,5,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164970986880214,0.0,0.0,0.13131084348393698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35793809406066923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450757077228872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247403375591126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068236026426856,0.11399538986485125,0.0,0.34959782368374714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950360345949644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411054291541624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653831717425642,0.0,0.0,0.13006919304704406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795685019862186,0.0,0.14090144119482464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730081829580224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646419350316116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456864386438442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34908292115523026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764692925838036,0.12665762754575724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,modtori,2019/01/16,"one of those nights i just wish i was dead and didnt have to feel anything. i feel so alone and i just want it to be over. im overwhelmed with sadness and im so tired. if i cut myself my bf will be pissed but it helps with the pain. ive attempted suicide countless times but always fail. i cant even do that right, what a joke. anyways. ill just waste away until i finally snap one day and do it. im not sure when that’ll be, but probably not tonight.",-0.3260606060606044,1.6396800303030332,1.5078787878787878,100.2818181818182,87.08080808080808,4.8121212121212125,19.1010101010101,6.11248444174946,-0.347371717171717,349,10,87,3,11,114,67,99,0.332,0.579,0.08900000000000001,-0.9835,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,2,1,2,0,12,4,1,0,1,20,16,12,2,3,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,2,10,2,8,9,0,10,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,1,7,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939788643507815,0.0,0.0,0.15584261982404055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412602245814672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596775825338853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078836669943427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237051331675776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940174231061307,0.0,0.0,0.2051701161716768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553842112184913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6069251161731094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757616125805883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253828907515764,0.0,0.19929275265012236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019333244871137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599470345316526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486793290726246,0.0,0.17652125485530654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092119424113596,0.21526553070927174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047015064424563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153774858163174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2019x1,2019/01/16,"Aspergers ruined my life I’ve missed out on lots of sex, parties and making lots of memories when I’m young because of it. I’ve had tons of compliments and girls hitting on me throughout my life. Just going to the store, through out school and even when I tried I got thrown into the mental hospital girls would hit on me and one would even follow me around because she liked me so much. I’ve only had sex with 3 people in my life and have sex like 5 times. If I was normal I could have slept with probably 50 or more by now or at least have a relationship that lasts.   I’m so tempted to give up because I’ve already missed out on too much. I am so bitter and fucking angry. I am sick of seeing couples, I am sick of seeing pictures of happy couples on Facebook. I wish I had someone I could go traveling with, take pics with and make memories with. But nope because I’m socially retarded I have nothing. Also I now have performance anxiety and can’t have sex because I go soft. This has happened with 7 girls so far and I am sick of that too. Being a virgin until 20 fucked me up for good. Fuck everything my life should be way fucking better but SINCE I WAS BORN WITH THIS BULLSHIT I AM NEVER GOIMG TO HAVE THE LIFE I WANT. What is the point? I am so resentful and bitter and hate everyone. I’d rather be an ugly guy who is normal because even they can get more sex and relationships than me. I see no reason to go on",2.9029288266825475,4.3208618390411,4.3537701012507455,86.4605568790947,74.44520547945207,7.270041691483026,25.709350804050032,7.893859768569023,1.4089801667659323,1115,38,231,16,23,371,154,292,0.179,0.762,0.06,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,18,17,8,0,7,0,31,19,1,3,1,46,61,26,0,11,7,0,1,2,0,3,8,0,0,4,7,24,0,0,1,1,1,6,4,11,0,1,7,6,31,6,39,44,8,34,0,3,3,10,11,17,4,5,12,161,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066101697961059,0.07725799105310711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390543752970544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600227929763077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533508231105368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544259803924581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426846863521235,0.21379151244256847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142752597247809,0.0,0.0,0.09231381095632878,0.086825724776519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35725297025335,0.05047409010259708,0.09267592637920943,0.21961994029365015,0.08103084492988097,0.07726685133514019,0.0,0.0,0.09565786193179948,0.08543080805943451,0.1028418222311688,0.0,0.09538115024873417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874903419561137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411881238253153,0.09439632119272136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426662722369825,0.0,0.0,0.12897419593504592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735890819421376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420371101680984,0.0,0.07451063201722853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893121470693079,0.0926987114744523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546459652596798,0.07347531589370783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697635051374776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132650560224036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416058393093212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932989619824542,0.0,0.2074433084122028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777322355574296,0.2309540229734973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991576520439117,0.0,0.0,0.09848046533753158,0.08185628946042685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263776496138456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633334528954617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559100697100692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698235012605338,0.076683537500908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109530705336987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372561835656409,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrashGoblinTA,2019/01/16,"Not sure what to do anymore. Tired of life. I'm ambitious but can't find success. I'm 29, I'm single, I'm in a dead end job, I have tons of debt, and I can't seem to do anything right. I'm tired of trying to make things work. I have no friends and no prospects. I'm just tired as fuck.

​

I've thought about suicide for years but haven't done it because I'm also a coward. If I knew my family would get my life insurance if I committed suicide I think that would be enough for me to finally do it. My Dad would be sad, but I think he would get over it. It wouldn't be the first death in our family..

​

I'm not entirely sure why I am posting here. Part of me wants someone to convince me that things will get better, but I've been telling myself that for years. Something has to change and I don't know what. But I know I can't keep living this failure of a life much longer.",1.2417463235294122,2.8327003437499982,2.704289215686277,95.7902205882353,79.41666666666666,5.975980392156862,22.75245098039216,6.794906146795322,0.3948348039215692,694,22,165,7,17,226,99,192,0.304,0.617,0.08,-0.9952,2,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,1,0,0,5,4,8,1,0,4,0,23,7,0,1,3,32,45,12,4,8,10,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,8,0,1,0,10,2,0,1,4,0,19,6,19,32,5,10,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,3,5,100,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657904792655402,0.0,0.2346089899637961,0.2631063331465501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736925078205464,0.0,0.0,0.08909242418255099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599700870629037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575111505972357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452944118115355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107921291238606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589017517093464,0.11186612600049894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412419137484908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185984217850949,0.09895175321176893,0.09208969264535362,0.0,0.0,0.08364485166874316,0.10008874684628698,0.1696911325213475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743576905880436,0.09623042469822862,0.0,0.0,0.11899862948413625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941116528130345,0.0,0.0,0.09559949988743846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722673663846196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958683367873086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172398576909129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036874236782896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245725556243926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855989641042087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173212390951956,0.0833472690708718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368474899809037,0.0,0.20407594076562616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462790821800657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385219039603372,0.13874298628443987,0.0,0.08594988637366857,0.0,0.3733022042862432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350446029835463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385718234816626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976918338618876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881781482819508,0.0,0.0,0.30763185874136445,0.0,0.2631063331465501,0.13943752269052592
suicidewatch,KProsen4,2019/01/16,"Ok so I just can’t handle this anymore. Every single week it’s the same pattern of me getting depressed, and    then I’m happy for like 2 days. It’s fucking me up, and it just keeps getting worse. I’m feeling like finishing the job tonight, but I have no idea how. Please help me.",0.33475369458128057,2.6270702586206944,2.0862561576354715,94.86293103448278,87.79310344827586,4.0039408866995085,23.802955665024644,5.288315135182226,0.26313004926108396,217,9,46,1,7,71,44,58,0.113,0.643,0.244,0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,10,9,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,9,2,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647019447955261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213418345006865,0.0,0.22988827621307875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488229099363696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495717819326386,0.19067979782458816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675301121489535,0.2788978064997569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841295264402904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789034341791589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013077014488709,0.0,0.0,0.2648659351101818,0.2372409268071182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607964489184708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29298586142417965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140982494511914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27200300933000177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imnotfromfrance,2019/01/16,I'm that one guy who cracks jokes and makes you laugh. But I'm lonely. Just really fucking lonely and I have nobody. ,-0.375,1.8074115000000042,1.5,94.995,100.66666666666666,4.066666666666666,10.166666666666668,5.985473137389443,-1.1138833333333331,92,1,19,1,4,30,19,24,0.181,0.616,0.203,0.1531,0,4,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208689425769214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5578703444592937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760845039791023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38178521112951896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609386677279811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guineapiggirla,2019/01/16,"feeling suicidal I wanna kill my self because I went through some tough times, but I have two guinea pigs and I feel bad if I kill myself because my parents would take care of them properly. ",4.085855855855858,5.955290918918923,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,72.24324324324324,7.095495495495496,31.25225225225225,7.793537801064563,2.1238900900900903,152,7,29,2,3,47,30,37,0.373,0.513,0.114,-0.9274,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,3,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,2,9,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950655402976145,0.3059153049399384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25582824031851426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25374397157230943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552085187860607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278615416281057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617628279943855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744642277812102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865956351288526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631265622223316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451110168720327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232604060383268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824537755742015,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrown_away_6789,2019/01/16,"Note a bloke I know left a suicide note (according to police) this morning and he is not able to be tracked down.
Im wondering what the chances are that he hasnt done himself in. Is leaving a suicide note and not following through common? Hoping he is found soon!
or can someone point me to a better sub to ask please!",0.5239930555555574,3.0066527187500043,1.9333333333333336,93.86722222222224,92.125,4.719444444444443,25.86111111111111,6.42735559955562,1.0471027777777784,250,12,51,3,9,80,48,64,0.128,0.725,0.14800000000000002,-0.4184,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,14,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,7,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,2,32,6,0,0.2328666846734869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176989154779599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595165888329345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238303468007018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553263002622625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128916107908765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515359795710833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797743990662516,0.0,0.0,0.2465721957743055,0.25301033425646713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25561769121851136,0.2201342861807228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973071862428912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5094367144809328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252533986100684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myWifeTookMyKids,2019/01/16,"Do people really care if I died I recall this from Oliver Twist. He had gone to a funeral, and everyone seemed to cry and feel bad. However, as soon as the funeral was done, everyone seemed to be back to normal. 

Honestly, if I died, would anyone care?",3.342755102040816,5.06331791836735,5.5630102040816345,76.99716836734696,73.89795918367345,10.614285714285714,24.494897959183675,10.686352973137794,3.0564653061224503,194,6,37,7,4,68,36,49,0.29600000000000004,0.551,0.153,-0.8534,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,3,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881708084321008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365466830330275,0.17770582743731267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339928107564132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378595480591602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417720219470558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780102654945435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067401875611395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761425253331618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853016847879727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475509086230328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363456271075032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875085131868714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118974417009373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rachelleeann17,2019/01/16,"Why will I never be good enough? I try so damn hard. I changed my lifestyle. I dropped 20lbs. I got a degree. I got a job. I took “taking care of myself” seriously. I made it my mission to be a happy, positive person no matter the circumstance. 

It’s not good enough. It’ll never be good enough. Not for my parents, my boyfriend, my friends. No one. There’s always something else that I’m failing at. 

Boyfriend is unhappy because I’m not meeting his needs in our relationship. Parents are unhappy because I wasted thousands of their dollars on a college program I switched out of. Friends are disappointed because I never seem to be around. Clients are disappointed because apparently I can’t do my job. 

I am constantly craving the companionship of my loved ones while simultaneously wishing that I just could disappear without a trace.

My life has been a waste. I have brought nothing of substance to anyone’s life, and I doubt I ever will. I want to die and I want that to be an option. ",2.4911764705882327,5.275364294117646,3.879010695187169,82.39145721925135,82.52941176470588,6.180748663101605,30.959893048128343,7.520522993642371,2.3563069518716584,781,42,140,13,22,256,110,187,0.238,0.632,0.13,-0.9622,5,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,1,1,5,14,1,1,9,0,19,3,0,1,4,23,34,4,1,5,5,2,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,10,6,0,3,6,1,31,8,17,19,3,15,0,3,0,1,12,5,1,3,6,102,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046931572608828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442754595424745,0.0,0.0,0.10748843871251006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944195479787958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310733339996795,0.0,0.12773194938608404,0.0,0.0,0.13048219376320289,0.0,0.0964048684034448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531400116473124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086675610669876,0.0,0.0,0.37428485279288204,0.0,0.0,0.1092205511721077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657420920895126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038249362761375,0.19314123490851806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853504577154115,0.10816359122739144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396410927032866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057119432993445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897686306765514,0.1142516145197576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953071203487181,0.2793774154042064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158578568896698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636395530208827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681455409283889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542966997005944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963468831691566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992149765125367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295521784298028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907850351296513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415187480120536,0.08197776838560046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243677956539486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895336823082084,0.0,0.138850518858081,0.11639364303331445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiVexReFlex,2019/01/16,I’ve never been this close. A couple months ago my fiancée and I split because she lost feelings. At first I was ok just going day by day but now I have this overwhelming depression and urge to just end it. She helped me turn my life around because I was a 19 year old bum in a dark depressing place doing nothing and thinking I’d never do anything with my life. Now I’m 22 and in my 3rd year of college. Now I don’t even know if anything is worth it. Worst part of it is she lives next door so no matter what I do I have the constant memories flowing through my head. This is the closest I’ve ever been to suicide. ,2.56946153846154,3.7691593307692335,3.8215384615384624,90.81846153846158,74.92307692307692,6.430769230769231,26.84615384615385,6.742157984588678,1.0235230769230772,483,18,106,4,10,158,84,130,0.188,0.772,0.04,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,5,1,13,3,1,0,3,18,20,7,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,5,0,1,5,1,16,1,11,15,2,26,0,4,0,0,4,7,0,1,17,72,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502835169377851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790275177277122,0.1509230662235818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669525704046385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320828738607545,0.0,0.0,0.18758846192171996,0.0,0.21867350881438605,0.0,0.29204237640216746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015865713564025,0.0,0.0,0.11197699028176268,0.15335510195298455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572254244831573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420731382553134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635126843048318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399294225297066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363646925553368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317260278473084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394967120747286,0.0,0.0,0.14970347588110086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850686722036385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532209170801346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615133724858593,0.0,0.18030355790956265,0.0,0.0,0.16267445333957414,0.0,0.17789961022656697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359106720014826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712913293201862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544496856993728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863188262156233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440658532062676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835137045276984
suicidewatch,jermainassahd,2019/01/16,i'm gonna kill myself prove me wrong,-3.479999999999997,-2.7762517777777767,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,122.33333333333334,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.0292666666666666,30,0,8,0,2,10,9,9,0.609,0.391,0.0,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7112761162749763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7029127160727611,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rocker_1,2019/01/16,"It wasn't until I visited Asia as a non-white that I realized that I'm so unwanted. I thought I was going to have a good trip. I thought that I was going to have people attracted to me based on the fact I'm mexican-American. It wasn't until a week in that I realized that I'm unwanted here. People stare at me in the metro, I get little to no matches on tinder despite me spending $75 on boosts + more on tinder gold (I'm an idiot)


I was raised in America, don't speak Spanish, and have caramel brown skin. In high school I didn't fit in with the mexicans because I didn't speak Spanish and was raised differently. And I didn't fit in with the nerds because they were racist towards the non-whites.


And I feel like my trip over here just fueled my envy for white people. I've personally seen how much positive attention they get on dating sites here and me being a dumbass thought that it would apply to me.


I'm planning on just ending it when I get home. I can't take this shit anymore. My parents raised me with a lot of love, but it fucked me over so hard.",2.7937360890302045,4.022673360360366,4.492130365659778,86.1154292527822,74.4054054054054,7.9262321144674095,26.57233704292528,8.4952907291091,1.7319488076311609,834,30,179,15,17,282,112,222,0.124,0.816,0.059,-0.9059,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,1,9,8,3,0,11,0,17,4,2,1,1,24,35,13,0,3,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,12,8,0,0,7,0,1,5,8,4,0,0,14,10,27,4,29,19,3,32,0,0,4,2,8,21,2,1,7,115,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409683024377245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140253366330873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834107025294763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554837667878188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876253992104527,0.12541180390052525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622916565225984,0.27515036267143445,0.0,0.1995363895246238,0.147241659530727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725687497865018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547651084375355,0.17608934711839055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576407538412822,0.17594560360550504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492449623280027,0.15843927458887705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904826448617798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492571080230367,0.0,0.0,0.3651094471798827,0.15328208171885635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766434135635653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019789821192386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199054096958024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180974348375283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081432842885147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470453854052363,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Morganthus,2019/01/16,"Just waiting for the next big speedbump in life I know I'm smart, not ugly, financially well off, and capable. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no family left, no friends, nothing really.

People don;t like me, my social skills suck, and after decades nothing has changed.

I feel completely defeated.

I'm just searching for a painless and non-terrifying way to just end things when the next speedbump in life comes along.

Winners never quit, quitters never win, but those that never win and never quit are stupid.",4.9777577319587625,7.157539597938143,5.074832474226807,80.27451675257736,70.54639175257732,7.73659793814433,30.68170103092784,8.472884824447931,2.5282793814432987,419,18,72,7,8,131,68,97,0.142,0.698,0.16,0.2142,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,6,6,9,2,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,4,21,13,7,0,0,7,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,9,13,0,16,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,10,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627051741798788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355558076799302,0.14132467311265648,0.17201562652197966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531001697120582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466281952263888,0.0,0.08295455177604373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675370332646138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032809762904026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178253574576289,0.0,0.2317633359273477,0.08015228539320286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061381517256263,0.0,0.3489630709222529,0.0,0.0,0.31484335337658803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373976216749078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489997379629149,0.0,0.0,0.10510215995622817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724029630929926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899533862843942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302245830149381,0.0,0.0,0.14751121889165966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mypersonalbsaccount,2019/01/16,"Another drop in the ocean for you People say I’m a talented musician. I wanted to be a rock star but it never happened because I’m not cool enough. Music talent gets you basically nowhere if you don’t have charisma. And I have no charisma; I’m socially awkward and inept. I stutter, I falter. People feel nervous around me because I feel nervous around people.

So to try to get more people skills I got a small time job in retail. But I haven’t gotten any more people skills that I can tell. I still stutter and falter. And so instead of being something useful, it ends up being an ongoing montage of how much of a failure I am.

I just lost my girlfriend of 9 years because I cheated on her. So I don’t even have a good moral foundation. I’m a failure *and* a piece of shit. And now I’m getting too old and time is running out. I will never realize my goal of improving the world through music. I’ve failed, and I can’t go on.",1.2923684210526325,3.5210190263157948,3.517105263157898,86.76723684210528,82.42105263157895,5.6947368421052635,25.815789473684212,6.961326702584282,1.3022421052631583,725,31,142,9,20,248,110,190,0.223,0.69,0.086,-0.9785,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,5,12,13,2,3,10,1,14,1,1,2,2,24,31,15,0,2,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,11,0,0,3,1,1,2,8,9,0,0,3,4,22,4,19,24,5,22,1,2,0,0,8,10,1,1,9,98,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042460234116606,0.16074343058565085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729305373039114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803420758029692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577408675275285,0.1583949666293855,0.0,0.10125006365163897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550213638968626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027131566978185,0.0,0.08712122050213231,0.12857677857795793,0.1226042113238632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355584790100506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212187695492185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733986860508196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268964355326655,0.0,0.23646148680476234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085757273630955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313781065357142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219065317542038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735536622210422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626519749257484,0.0,0.11801416903515788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242178078660194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398680101188856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877538041513466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407740888441014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323978728379235,0.0,0.0,0.09041750732513314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871711188671864
suicidewatch,Postsexy,2019/01/16,"Last Resort and Stuck This is the last place I want to be posting but I've ran out of options. I tried calling the Samaritans but they cut off. I wouldn't be surprised if they hung up on me. I'm at breaking point and while the last time I was like this I had a rope set up in my bedroom one of my university friends was able to inadvertently talk me down without realising it I'm at the same point again without that support network left.

Every single interaction I have in my life for basically all of it has gone 3 different ways.

The first is that I am undermined and belittled by literally every single figure in my life. I do every single thing my wife asks for and all she does in return is treat me and everything around me like garbage. I give her everything and she destroys it often in front of me just to see me suffer, my business partner openly violates the law in regards to our business and puts my life at risk because of it, because despite me bailing it out and buying in, he has actively belittled and ridiculed me to our customers and suppliers to the point where about a 1/5 of them will just leave if they see me there instead of him. And the ones who do treat me like shit, if it was just one or two people I could cope with that but it's hundreds of people every single day for 3 years now and I can't take this anymore. My family overruled every single major decision I have ever made despite me being right every single time and them making my life worse as a direct result.

2. I'm physically attacked. My family was and always has been violent towards me and because I was the only boy in my family I somehow deserved it for that reason alone. I deserved them to beat me because I was a male and I needed to suffer for the patriarchy. When I tried to say something at school I was belittled insisting that I had nothing to complain about. In my business the customers that come in want me to act and overlook things in the same way my partner does and when I don't they try to get violent. I've had to wear a stab vest because it is that common an occurrence. When I call the police it all goes the same way. Statement taken, I give camera footage and my partner then calls the police and pulls the footage so nothing happens. The cycle continues.

3. I'm just ignored and people talk past me. Being autistic, people just do this constantly as they assume that despite me being an adult that I must be a fucking idiot with no concept of anything. Every single person I have any interaction with does and I can only assume everyone in the world has conspired to do this as some game to see when I crack. It started when I was a child and my sister would answers questions put to me on my behalf, even basic things like how my day was. This carried on for my entire childhood and beyond. My mother, my family members, my friends, my work colleagues. Every single person in my life would do this constantly. I once recorded an entire day of my life as part of a phycholgist session because they thought I was paranoid about the extent of this and on that recording I was interrupted over 200 times in 12 hours by there count. I don't matter enough to be listened to, no matter how right I prove to be.

I've felt like I didn't want to be alive anymore since I was around 5, and it's been such a constant that I just assumed the this was who I was. But in the past year it has gotten worse than at any point since I was 18. I was always told I would feel bettter as an adult and I feel worse. I self harm when I never did that as a child or teenager. Time just keeps going slower and slower and I'm pretty sure I froze it this afternoon. I feel like I'm about to reach breaking point again and I keep staring at the knifes in my kitchen knowing it would be better if I wasn't alive anymore. I'm desperate to feel that my life has any worth and that one day I won't feel like this. I was placed on every single antidepressant the NHS has but each of them causes me to have murderous voices in my head and phychotic rages which I imagine isn't ideal. So I'm basically left alone to deal with this and I can't keep this just to myself anymore.",4.8673835125448015,5.4444478231780185,5.709002389486263,81.73905913978497,68.97610513739546,8.159378733572282,29.836917562724015,8.10692912299908,2.004055197132617,3296,120,645,41,54,1082,321,837,0.151,0.7709999999999999,0.077,-0.9972,3,2,1,0,0,3,52.0,2,0,10,5,37,34,12,1,37,0,71,12,3,7,8,122,117,62,1,16,21,3,7,7,5,8,7,3,2,12,48,44,1,4,19,1,2,9,14,18,0,6,34,14,113,16,102,64,21,108,0,2,4,1,53,53,2,14,46,475,161,3,0.05147274796596538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662048704833424,0.0,0.0,0.08565889940710261,0.0,0.0,0.10500970107778228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418853936906486,0.0,0.0,0.04235768581362947,0.09164331709199247,0.04812007103795403,0.05855768165844969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882638564436718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552346268740093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767829201443678,0.0,0.0,0.05287669098202703,0.0,0.04433921466409718,0.0,0.16687126356745974,0.0,0.04109680087520171,0.0,0.0,0.13278265681541088,0.05306614299213167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053778066208484916,0.0,0.0,0.1351324458412313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318510818167913,0.0,0.033997264580472406,0.04656004740565051,0.3903120914646777,0.04918441649763429,0.09252077377972236,0.0,0.19409570330022335,0.0,0.1301308397731071,0.07354428286325404,0.04942191005211469,0.0,0.0,0.04378269312498466,0.0,0.0,0.07953543478966578,0.047585726073724285,0.02689238635289013,0.09875470019313792,0.02925314885900049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551718103494253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282588930122818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069028835097334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725403026617874,0.0,0.0,0.02828807615344215,0.12587147870525187,0.0,0.05450220801786732,0.11185058254449863,0.0,0.25449706882855505,0.17602889267070604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870475868437578,0.034358458959720235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038166390407942064,0.0396989564256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987789798020665,0.0,0.0,0.05481679669498914,0.13951706458770344,0.07829468855794472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573997006446847,0.09827312439269473,0.14273888966486747,0.08988803625487743,0.10755613241696983,0.0,0.24329192145144415,0.0,0.04929666416967755,0.05236628946831081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348865714835864,0.05766125781364996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292255768308033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879148910412354,0.0,0.040933195147362655,0.0,0.052093168940419335,0.12305134778918934,0.0,0.05369730191770995,0.0,0.05283603610379964,0.08515757804429487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039626236115140566,0.0,0.0,0.036432675939090144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841066441211744,0.048512455802971866,0.0,0.03870110060788335,0.08274369012400702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258861974469063,0.0,0.0,0.0408636123232354,0.1200566930873145,0.0,0.0,0.04918441649763429,0.0,0.10483985132692876,0.0,0.050281395479944715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107988108972198,0.12257001442853048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923578445979206,0.0,0.03747277355669233,0.0,0.1573653828516051,0.14625905331894234,0.0,0.0,0.06629352417949902
suicidewatch,satansBF,2019/01/16,"Goodbye I swallowed seven paracetamols, two anti-histamines and two sinus decongestants. I'll probably do more. I'm hoping I can go out peacefully and I just wrote my goodbye. For the incredibly short time I was here, I just wanna say... See you all.",2.676811594202899,5.64890943478261,4.586956521739129,75.83159420289856,85.08695652173913,7.41449275362319,27.231884057971016,8.344100000000001,2.772953623188405,198,9,32,5,6,67,36,46,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.7564,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,9,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,7,1,3,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022470971626317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35345566848233645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836842084671993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28299927423363475,0.0,0.0,0.2835794762046149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075085812888792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6952595993081442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wsupwititvanillaface,2019/01/16,"Is it too late to fix things? Where do I begin. Currently I’m 23 years old, and have been in college attempting to obtain a degree for roughly...6 years. Long story short, an accumulation of relentless depression and habitual marijuana use has gotten me here, as I’ve basically let myself fail numerous classes. My freshman and sophomore year were great, and without those two years I probably would have been kicked out of school by now. Suffered a head injury and symptoms of depression seemed to really start to flare up. Saw psychiatrist and ever since then I’ve been on a wild rollercoaster of trying different meds, and still to this day have not found anything that helps. As you can imagine, being in college as a 6th year is quite embarrassing. It’s caused me to turn into this compulsive liar, as I tell friends that I’ve either graduated last semester, that I’m currently in the process of searching for a job, or even that I’m working on my masters. I feel terrible about my lack of transparency to the people around me, but I fear their judgement will be too harsh. I thought I was on track to graduate this spring, but following some really bad events this past year my depression once again flared up, causing my grades to suffer. Now I’m pretty sure I’ll be looking at yes...a seventh year if I choose to continue my studies. I’m already knee deep and debt, but what’s worse is the guilt and shame of wasting the money my parents and grandparents set aside for my education. Knowing that hard earned money was wasted has hurt me more than anything. On top of all of this, my S/O of almost 3 years is fed up with me and has verbally stated that she will leave me if I fail to get my education and professional life in order. I don’t blame her, I’m a useless piece of shit at this point, and my esteem has now reached an all time low. I severely lack interpersonal and social skills, and I lack talent and experience in basically everything. The continued theme of failure in my life at everything including my treatment of depression has just worn me down. I never thought I’d be at this point in my life but I officially feel so lost and constantly plagued with sadness that ending it all seems like the only way out of the pain of my lies, guilt, and general discontent of where my life is at now. I’m done trying new meds or therapy options with a false hope of turning things around, I’ve been through trial and error of around 10 different medications. The only thing holding me back from doing it at this point is the grief and emotional tragedy my family would have to deal with. Although I’ve been doing some thinking and it would be better than them having to waste any more money on my progressive failure at life. I really don’t know where to look for help at this point...so I thought I’d reach out to the community I follow so closely (reddit) before I go through with something I can’t take back.

TL;DR: 6th year in college close to failing out, immense guilt for wasting thousands of dollars. Severely lacking experience and talent of any kind and my S/O is about to leave me. Been through  10+ meds with no success in treatment of depression.",7.693600700164744,7.156543481054372,7.82626390032949,72.73756718492591,63.11861614497528,11.277780065897858,36.76117174629324,10.686352973137794,3.8844003706754537,2531,108,465,56,32,824,298,607,0.247,0.68,0.073,-0.9991,9,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,2,15,24,37,2,6,19,0,45,12,3,3,6,87,81,39,1,10,12,1,3,1,1,5,8,0,0,0,26,39,1,1,13,0,5,3,7,27,0,2,19,6,53,10,97,51,13,91,0,16,3,0,12,46,1,11,39,310,79,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716761029506918,0.0,0.07402078928597562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122889120152218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110396792038601,0.17913741079801032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315565992982144,0.05600622974193828,0.0,0.0,0.0570773180572727,0.0,0.0,0.05932387648950485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781246415860368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248606648913349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325891237094885,0.06915311636675844,0.28886525025096904,0.0,0.0,0.14016171746441106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864273674571403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545224175986624,0.05941003303041779,0.0,0.0,0.04430351748069345,0.06067470132061696,0.0,0.0,0.1205683977537306,0.13122773684704567,0.06323392845132135,0.07547991846310656,0.06783197419920257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354612234448671,0.05182328003474843,0.0,0.035044799150316656,0.0,0.038121225570143996,0.0,0.0,0.07395228143557607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060087534086380436,0.0,0.06884002989565284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992017537600798,0.0,0.0,0.06662228262503214,0.0,0.0,0.07180697804385255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656325923958255,0.0,0.0,0.06985004484277525,0.07372718316161643,0.054676450453232016,0.0756654217429253,0.14204904750148126,0.0,0.06859045446046376,0.2368912296908611,0.032770279860453444,0.0,0.0,0.05936075498052451,0.11265504252925394,0.0,0.07322212477287847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352122528810406,0.06757270278380652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173367421382343,0.06478307984757402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038569684404983,0.07143447982009157,0.0,0.10202968226934198,0.07137432153966862,0.0,0.07448072011945746,0.0,0.0640322852167775,0.04650252727299242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536365917186572,0.0,0.0,0.06824110261479524,0.07232001083762768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134431057183252,0.0,0.0,0.12891312501474175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788518574233234,0.0,0.12212818864455488,0.0,0.1515551216759877,0.06885325269609414,0.055486526549344384,0.0,0.0,0.06837623265656327,0.0,0.05163890877943162,0.0,0.0,0.047477222513455854,0.0,0.05356752686850332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321898129806734,0.06971835837366984,0.05043331892908458,0.0,0.058627978756004576,0.0,0.0767080344885849,0.0,0.13368830593475822,0.042980030973996136,0.0,0.15975418480520442,0.03911295413398652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108133145911568,0.14592034230871753,0.06552417410896406,0.0,0.0,0.057932718875743874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053242349973869486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465953019717377,0.0,0.04883262517751412,0.0,0.06835687200185941,0.14294805638158636,0.0,0.0,0.3887566704597734
suicidewatch,Jordanles,2019/01/16,"I hate my life, it isn't worth living if I can be in the permanent void of darkness that awaits us. This story will jump around a lot and I apologize. This will start from the events that probably led to my depression and suicidal mindset. 

Context: I haven't seen my father for almost all of my life. this is important to the story.

​

It all started when I was 12 I think. One night when I was sleeping I woke up to a loud crash and shouting. My mom's friend was over and she offered him some weed to smoke because she does it to help with stress. He went out of control and smashed a bunch of things and my mom ran up the stairs to protect my little sister. (1 or 2 at the time.) He grabbed a can opener and threatened to kill my mom with it. eventually the police arrived and he was taser'd but he got up and locked the door on the police. my mom ran out our back door and led the police to the back and they detained him. this led to me probably being more shy than i usually was. 

​

The next event was when I was 13 (Brother 14) and my older Brother got a Brain Tumor (stage 4, can't remember what it was exactly.) and had to be hospitalized. he has been battling cancer for the past few years and will probably not live for very much longer. 

It was a normal school day except that i seen my brother leaving early by getting a ride from my mom. by the time i got home i had forgotten about this and when i walked in I was told by my crying mom. ""\[Brother\] has a brain tumor."" The thing about this event that gets to me was the fact that I didn't show any emotion at all. I was just so out of it and was spacing out. as all things go my brother got the attention of my mom (rightfully so) but i can't help but feel saddened by this. I have been in a shadow my entire life (5 siblings, 1 parent.) and do not get much attention. (im spacing out right now) and this has been going on for the past 3 years. anyways im surprised i haven't gone insane yet as I wish i had someone to talk to about my interests. (video games/anime) but all the kids nowadays only sit on social media and it disgusts me. just recently a kid in my class showed me a picture of a naked girl on snapchat and i no longer sit near them.  they make me think about how much better it would be if i offed myself. 

​

Sorry for the bad formatting, Im to lazy to go back and edit it.

​

anyways there is much more i could go over but i forgot it. i might as well mention that i don't care enough to keep my memories. For now i will let you imagine something that is similar to what i have to deal with.

​

You are 16 years old, you have never gotten the attention from anyone that you wanted. well maybe you did in elementary but that is only because you were hanging around the kids who liked video games and were as smart as you. you have been dealing with living in the shadow for the past 3 years and you barely remember anything before that. you remember doing well in your first year of high school, trying to carry on hoping your brother would become better. in your second year your attendance was getting worse (70 days missed) but you still passed with honor roll because you remembered everything about the work. in the summer before your third year you heard your mom having a conversation on the phone. saying how there was next to no chance of your brother surviving to live a long life. the only person you were close to, going to be taken away from you for no reason. and yet you pretend to be fine, because that will make him feel better, it won't make him worry. when in actuality you are doing worse than him, enjoying life less than him, wishing you could have been the one to have cancer instead so that he could enjoy life with all of his friends. wanting to kill yourself everyday to get out of this torture. knowing that there is no point in life because we don't remember any of it when we are gone. 

​

anyways i think i went overboard with the previous paragraph but whatever. I don't want your condolences. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. I just wanted to share my story. i don't mind hate btw i make suicide jokes all the time. if you are going to comment on this post however be 100% honest. I don't want fake bs in the comments. anyways im pretty sure you could find my brother online at this point. ",3.224889543446245,4.8208474478808725,4.088061037473409,87.9661907216495,73.94845360824742,6.775513009327444,25.18620520373097,7.393208230333746,1.1204977712322042,3414,111,695,39,70,1096,342,873,0.131,0.7609999999999999,0.108,-0.9796,3,0,2,0,0,3,114.0,4,28,3,8,40,35,7,1,45,0,84,12,3,11,11,123,140,52,4,19,18,19,4,1,2,9,9,4,3,5,43,43,0,4,18,7,1,21,20,13,3,5,46,10,110,22,118,73,19,120,0,2,2,0,95,48,0,9,48,500,153,5,0.0,0.0,0.03971459638943209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040752366928336586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264572394056218,0.2967093139213363,0.055350982897520995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691285675203695,0.0,0.03349032783140868,0.07245827230676986,0.0,0.0,0.03823635890729855,0.09388090373605412,0.06796092386463058,0.12404317638372687,0.04494685979224314,0.06926063912463191,0.0,0.0,0.10798009807217003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086306875786118,0.0,0.0,0.041493507549742695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564537015904485,0.12997361000206115,0.0,0.04470396301660272,0.05249265418606332,0.08391405202703724,0.03505243857674493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03561439382213763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577887211195539,0.0,0.0420510864684736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365760190338524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061733181139592225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037196503349875516,0.03461701738261367,0.0,0.0,0.0628851112650362,0.0,0.10631303597296543,0.0,0.13877493917389894,0.0,0.13019707384621665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036011852358083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455695036767541,0.04299882604847294,0.04082260967326063,0.04042150219743585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583983795055627,0.0,0.0,0.036173541129556064,0.09005084363340181,0.0,0.02236611670115825,0.0,0.0,0.04309245840495565,0.0,0.04161564414268554,0.2012194505786332,0.019882596140472115,0.040789285764599406,0.143745492217781,0.036015741180641735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459930394721897,0.0,0.0,0.10866278761364982,0.0,0.040885807301597535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317329769121458,0.04109257035764211,0.3813125485545489,0.0,0.0,0.11966849821049175,0.0,0.031388189409316036,0.0,0.08656386743121447,0.03819156513365152,0.0398746149967012,0.0,0.0,0.04270486521248101,0.0,0.05515495170907735,0.09285616306332384,0.0,0.0,0.0451894242189184,0.0,0.11655024665685842,0.0,0.035535225124701475,0.0,0.0,0.07694401666788353,0.0,0.03897666768910515,0.04140368313142978,0.1316353941268313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04184349953114512,0.04018357508232487,0.0,0.23050996979471666,0.06951037257295484,0.0,0.03236404676836943,0.0,0.08237547788931536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040726590857931434,0.04148567010433205,0.034482605345953765,0.03133069271206132,0.0,0.04555718327742503,0.05761137500967998,0.0,0.03250083635250355,0.0,0.046618504900264736,0.0,0.0,0.08903226237568551,0.0,0.038356629205306386,0.0,0.0,0.03271086763835697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811122336130058,0.07823136710457647,0.0,0.0,0.07119259349188566,0.0,0.0,0.03888791847481659,0.0,0.0276307272481288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048953720477749416,0.0,0.04482221595228126,0.03357945201277918,0.14402557731607776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977501054487844,0.0754534239347262,0.0,0.0,0.09359954266583073,0.0,0.0,0.029628046175316638,0.04132998191333937,0.08294784696538812,0.05782024619469112,0.0,0.2967093139213363,0.1834536366490439
suicidewatch,Itm718,2019/01/16,"I need to know what my motivation is here. I've been suicidal since I was an adolescent. Life as an adult has been less than fulfilling, just recently started hitting an all time low I can't  even fathom. I'm, I just recently lost my girlfriend of 10 years over my drinking and mania. Ironically, I also just got a second DUI trying to see her a month ago, crashed my car into a telephone pole, and blew a .27. now I'm facing possible jail time, losing my great job, and whatever else they can throw at me. I'm already $2200 in with out even going to court yet. I'm feeling oh so low, unmotivated, and scared what the future holds in store for me. My father says he will be kick me out if I lose my job over this, so I say again, what the fuck is my motivation here? What's the point of trying to keep going when you're pushing 30 and still live with your folks and not a fucking leg to stand on? I've tried anti deppresion pills and among others for my other issues. The only thing that ever truly helped me was marijuana, but that cost me a previous decent job almost 4 years ago that I still dwell on, and what eventually turned me into a full fledged alcoholic which sits before you today. Struggling to get sober because the law is on my ass now and it's so fucking hard. Just today my blow and go malfunctioned, now I gotta get it reset for yet another $55 dollars tommorow. Now once again, what's my fucking motivation here? What can I find to help prevent me from fucking hanging myself, cause this existence to me is a fucking useless failed one. I remember being 18 and feelong somewhat excited/overwhelmed at the future. That was almost 10 years yesterday now. I just feel even if I do find sobriety, I fear I'll still find ways to run into trouble, and continue to fucking hate myself as I do now. I just don't know anymore. Anything helps, thanks.",4.631783783783781,5.496978610810814,5.7452432432432445,80.23245945945949,69.64864864864866,8.622702702702702,29.394594594594594,8.841846274778883,2.281127567567568,1466,54,285,25,25,488,206,370,0.139,0.792,0.069,-0.9812,3,0,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,2,1,7,32,22,8,4,17,0,19,14,3,4,2,51,50,22,1,3,10,1,3,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,19,19,2,3,11,1,3,8,3,20,0,2,7,6,42,2,36,38,4,62,0,7,1,8,14,19,8,5,32,186,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147597181724004,0.08897193266337845,0.1667313221885892,0.0,0.0918715435377018,0.06657724025996406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729782784659816,0.0,0.0,0.08256441456728893,0.0,0.0,0.06850996715944613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075013886506382,0.0,0.07084200751568448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855235665758022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155605689642598,0.0,0.0,0.06954703808800299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496308298101445,0.07530693090123866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368255434989416,0.08419024210636214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827467402898316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5387611545728431,0.08699231180768664,0.0,0.14194346757694973,0.0,0.06658487562709756,0.09178651442599724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457816320442766,0.08219491174727248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674078063743348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689430150730656,0.2478466966468542,0.0739989207422016,0.0,0.0,0.09150713175423933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058803920174807164,0.0,0.0,0.07351375448408358,0.0,0.0,0.18627719320352026,0.0908802741619654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645159684867022,0.0,0.0,0.06173090203623331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866152315033536,0.05641425711464565,0.06331751179071599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870081298650049,0.09385503174669324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440420787146515,0.0,0.09430920198846376,0.0,0.0,0.13241194845326806,0.08335058410332617,0.0,0.06634170898016292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886758286161322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589267658082177,0.0,0.1994573993757373,0.0,0.0,0.08703391075758109,0.0,0.09106505917462142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664799998650412,0.0,0.0,0.05530946615423251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709076337259467,0.0,0.15782785445764566,0.0,0.0,0.16956957476411424,0.0905551481601916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608220367356538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608362358748132
suicidewatch,Viarra,2019/01/16,"Just need to empty my bag I don't know if it's the good sub or not. But I need to clear my head. And if I can have an outsider point of view on my situation, why not.

Well.. well... well.. first of all. Hey! Hello! Maybe... I don't know... I'm actually a 19 years old frensh transgender girl and... it's rewind time (ah ah ah memes that actually cured my depression)

I'm from a family how is.... pretty bad. My mom leave my dad when I was 4 years old sins I was seeing my dad once a week until I was +/- 12 years where he lost his ""parental rights"" (I don't actually know the exact English translation) because he was going on porn web site while I was behind him, posting dick's pics on Facebook while I was in his friend list, hosting me in a (literally) rotting house and mush more. He was also blaming people for error he made.

When I was in collège (6th to 9th Grade) I saw that I was not like other boys and i was feeling different. During sport one time I went in the ""girl dress room"" and tried a girl Jean and stealing ""girl clothes"" in the lobby (that the moment I know I was a girl+internet search).I was also feeling depressed, I went one time to the hospital cause I was wondering about suicide and for the first time told to someone.

Then I went to Lycée (10th to 12th Grade) I was really depressed. Thinking about suicide pretty  mush every night and not sleeping until 2/4 AM. An yet waking up at 6 AM taking the bus and going to school. It's during the last month of 12th that I told that I was feeling girl. Pretty mush everyon reacted nice..... but not my family..... my grandmother/grandfather reaction was ""I hope it's a joke. If it's not it's less funny"" then I backed off with my family and yet to that day I'm still a boy for them. For my mother.... it's strange.... she want to accept... but... at the same time.... she is making some remarks. Like :""your hairs is too long, your nails too. I know, it's just a phase. You dom't look like a girl. You look like a dude"". And, Yep. It's a daily thing so event if I feel girly she is breaking my confidence a again.

The next year I tried ginger to the ""trans specialist group"" to MAYBE get some hormones. But... the group was completely stupid. The first one I saw was like ""you fon't dress up as a girls. So.. you'r not trans"". And after ""yeah let me check the size of your nuts just to check something"". After I went to the psychiatrist and.... well... I was his first meeting and he came 45 minutes late (for a 1 hour meeting). After that I did not went to any meeting of non of the other team cause they are taking you and make you thing of impossible things just to lock you with them. And if your not trans (for them) your sent to the psychiatric hospital. And pretty mush no one is trans for them. Unless your a trans/gay cliché being over feminine.

After they was a huge breakdown with my mother. I went to a small room of 9m2 and I was living during night and sleeping during day. Waking up to late to go shopping so I went to McDonalds once every two day (and still I was losing weight even if I was 69 Kg)wondering if 8 floors was enoth to kill me instantly. After a few month I need to go back at my mother home.

So here I'm today... in my bed.... in my mother apartment. Thinking about death and all of those nice things. I did not started taking hormones cause no ""specialist"" is near where I live, I'm not going to school, and I try to make money by editing videos and streaming. And it's not working at all.

Oh and. Also... I'm sending ""hot pictures"" of myself.... even if I think it's gross.... I feel grate when people think I'm a girl and I have a small confidence boost just for one hour before going deeper than where I was before...

So.. I think it's summed it up preddy well... and... if some people reply i might be here for an hour or so. I might try going to sleep actually 3AM. And if you read all of this. Thank you a lot considering I just wanted to clear my mind and good job not driving crazy with all of those spelling errors.

And to finish with a meme.
Oh that hot. That hot!",1.0717340010185057,3.228238655717764,2.693878798166697,92.77290443048719,82.75912408759123,5.575080631471739,19.047190629774228,6.8252276405021135,0.11209903242233876,3093,78,676,36,86,1014,328,822,0.086,0.825,0.08800000000000001,0.4066,3,0,1,0,0,3,195.0,0,14,6,8,43,30,2,0,44,5,47,10,8,9,8,120,110,67,4,16,36,8,10,5,1,2,0,0,4,10,31,36,1,0,17,6,4,18,18,11,8,10,42,16,97,19,91,63,13,111,1,5,6,2,63,34,1,20,62,438,128,9,0.0,0.0,0.2027613313636219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461997871406336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0353240370194623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988421874116294,0.043371482579012834,0.031664881273764725,0.0,0.08840187661923854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941066270734693,0.0,0.1600839116282259,0.0,0.0,0.05446281343753842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004997036720036,0.0,0.1342191491196975,0.0,0.0,0.05427094017275156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686176964761487,0.0,0.08753095270584885,0.049635189834208934,0.0,0.0,0.14690593736800142,0.0,0.13132348404974714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767358394759897,0.0,0.0,0.040132187036531056,0.0,0.02713885406742182,0.0,0.2066487701148778,0.08713715377699402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331003659977309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210456255127864,0.05159260288649544,0.153464588840189,0.05993697161489765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051546894904623115,0.0,0.05746888614479441,0.0,0.14273667656382533,0.04234169536570096,0.1171913030417594,0.05500171871471743,0.0,0.05311676423187172,0.0,0.1268872792032227,0.0,0.09173587934080099,0.045969242392815406,0.08724058443157026,0.058112601647086974,0.05670355108026764,0.04416135105466859,0.0,0.04915113597504212,0.10402005885087308,0.0,0.10437045162259743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020979834958143,0.052449131001907456,0.06083676330583127,0.08292319870335292,0.0,0.0,0.11554855184319528,0.0,0.0,0.055243558426945234,0.09749277718229883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901401642458557,0.11063838117058446,0.17599466657938626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057678213120538877,0.0,0.0,0.10803531468520126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910433656136883,0.0,0.04974846625196583,0.21138489820634648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195855069253832,0.0,0.033276972826924885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436031386379668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105141201768556,0.04139303626224409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838778739186114,0.1559460224009677,0.0,0.04401240100914388,0.039989409086205,0.0,0.0,0.03676658005065354,0.0,0.08296587965600442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363769051429255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716738423993525,0.0,0.0,0.047823510905010434,0.0,0.0,0.13803845414064198,0.16641967092084356,0.0,0.0,0.15144626023322946,0.0,0.049237306388285516,0.09927037966841784,0.0,0.14106760618789746,0.0,0.050742222587840016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612764165276207,0.0,0.04166673966258978,0.0632543994896213,0.23352169093235856,0.3370714629720471,0.04687182618260361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126631753900583,0.037816210123997517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380220369540918
suicidewatch,Blushweaver,2019/01/16,"How can I keep going I take medicine, talk to therapists, try to be proactive. I still have the thoughts of killing myself every day. It never gets better.",3.217816091954024,5.874367793103449,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,77.9655172413793,5.2459770114942526,26.90804597701149,6.42735559955562,1.1640252873563228,122,5,22,1,3,37,26,29,0.209,0.705,0.086,-0.6131,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28844596457430816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21033451358292984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747885768039913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039565673046178,0.0,0.18535393050857496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898898634878833,0.3608276374486087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25154070237165416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26045730440725906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452180839490001,0.2621404667099534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786758277063653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589202001944455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142890908422644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnUnmotivatedFool,2019/01/16,"I feel so miserable but I also feel like I have no right to be. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sad. All my problems were caused by my own damn fault. I have friends but I feel like they'll grow tired of me soon if I don't fix myself. They have the right to live a peaceful life. I have my family but they're in need of financial support soon but I don't see myself earning big in the future. I have a job that's supposed to be good for my career but I don't seem to be good at it. 2 people think I'm attractive enough to want to date me but I can't bring myself to like them or attracted to them. I'm still stuck with my ex who've had such an easy time moving on. One of the major reasons he left me was because I was so damn insecure, constantly asking for reminders that I was still loved. Now, I'm scared that I won't experience love anymore and even if I do, I'm scared I won't be able to maintain it because of my insecurities. I am more trouble than I'm worth. 

There are hardly any external factors at play here. I'm miserable because of **who I am.** And I don't know how to fix that. All I know is that it would be much easier to jump off a high building. 

At the same time, I fear that my ex would feel guilty and blame himself. Worse, I'm scared that people would blame him, especially my family. I talked a lot about being hurt after he broke up with me. I still am hurt but deep down, I know it was a right decision. I was only going to bring him down. ",0.14606627017841944,2.020909548286607,2.466564712546024,94.70387425658457,84.3582554517134,5.760067969413765,19.073067119796097,6.980632752743323,0.08672710280373819,1139,30,273,15,33,388,154,321,0.25,0.6,0.15,-0.9913,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,4,1,16,29,2,8,10,0,37,4,0,3,2,39,66,18,0,8,10,2,5,3,1,6,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,12,1,1,6,9,17,0,1,8,6,48,12,36,46,9,35,0,6,1,2,17,17,2,5,15,181,61,3,0.10458255676451587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836346328599463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111972488855403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074355882781777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777057296740688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125766771035554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743509438827936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301659022848218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806173781736338,0.0,0.06907579240137884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023018083349645,0.19718225381677976,0.11768445204159315,0.21152033221748892,0.14942759889830612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080022392801604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059436677115240776,0.17543777345655645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368542875337907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049721320251918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391558008860346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037820502355426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299033525105347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362925392907768,0.0,0.07386975271642539,0.1532812636984555,0.0,0.09234831366432908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891234985356987,0.18877968131121148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111547068777856,0.07688021264512873,0.07754664068012349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086784708147874,0.07953974708991207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500875337713273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007138264083726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075282865541548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267938796142544,0.0,0.0,0.3141161516874591,0.0,0.08333875739204939,0.0952080318322804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505592947808149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867904605700386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405949761047672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701227951614376,0.0,0.0,0.1219658597600642,0.12020226428521033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168550162032365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657856008082724,0.22287734311610927,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isappleafruitphone,2019/01/16,"I’m falling apart I don’t know what to do anymore, I’ve been skipping school cause there I feel like a failure and thought some time alone would help, but instead it made it worse

Today was the first time I cut myself, I was angry at myself and wanted to feel something again, don’t think I will continue cause I don’t want anyone to ask about the eventual scarring. 
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suicidewatch,cherrypitofdespair,2019/01/16,"Setting deadlines I have no life plans because I didn’t expect to make it this far. When I was 18 I was waiting until I graduated high school. Then I planned to do it when I turned 21. Now I think “I’ll wait until I get my degree” so my family can see me graduate college. I’m just going through the motions until then, but it’s painful. I know I sound ungrateful because others don’t have the same opportunities. I don’t deserve them. I want to get better, but after 6 years of therapy and meds, I never will. I don’t want to be a burden on my loved ones anymore. I’m scared of living the rest of my life disappointed in myself because of... myself. I’d rather just die. My recovery seems like more of a fantasy than a real possibility. ",2.344314824248599,4.081047231788084,4.725430463576164,81.87187468160981,76.68211920529801,7.295160468670403,26.184921039225674,8.139509932561175,1.7261651553744268,576,22,116,10,13,202,95,151,0.171,0.708,0.121,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,7,8,0,1,6,0,12,4,0,1,1,18,28,11,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,2,24,4,17,23,3,18,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,12,82,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862001305862404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433567306255172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605191894361734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485755859581813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699644364175893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961859707173125,0.0,0.10670413049499186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837093237958311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318391992185323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652304306380908,0.09172643760241046,0.0,0.16578898738106368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945405368454944,0.0,0.12532631977896672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855081506282772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480638126756734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722602221217058,0.0,0.19978200610436306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116628484438348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370356538764995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797310833991607,0.19001565688905075,0.14961451540788548,0.17092291739502358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147114632246956,0.0,0.0,0.12030428626407755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042209164935363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148269836088336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090651999751688
suicidewatch,SuperDrewb,2019/01/16,"I can't do it. I left work knowing exactly what'd happen. I got home, I took my gun upstairs, and I got drunk. I put the gun to my head, but I just can't do it. I just don't want to feel this pain anymore. I feel it every moment. I can't eat anymore. 

It is really hard to measure that point when you need help because you always think it could be worse, but I think I might reach out. I'd like to know if anyone has any experience with going to their on-campus therapist service at college - if they seem to be legit psychologists or not. Thank you for reading. ",1.1171581359816685,2.8589893025210102,3.3047211611917504,90.6377387318564,80.34453781512605,6.007944996180291,21.742551566080976,6.980632752743323,0.4982537815126054,433,13,97,5,11,148,78,119,0.175,0.757,0.068,-0.8922,0,0,0,2,0,0,16.0,0,3,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,12,4,1,0,1,23,27,7,0,5,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,3,2,0,7,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,3,19,2,10,20,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,5,3,59,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298333091889884,0.0,0.0,0.11685601801894595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34083507605787405,0.12015341852987366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047511057316619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719899554907944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583360291043687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144781279967726,0.0,0.0,0.16809094772082464,0.0,0.0,0.17377333638250853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765973396056626,0.0,0.2748697640212805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195614707781244,0.0,0.15393347158854745,0.0,0.176355794046458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517967055846713,0.0,0.17236794585530624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887580306086688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186702945848328,0.0,0.0,0.08395157199488476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822934079520326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741601088622376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284819412099565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244284974738848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727450739364658,0.0,0.0,0.1718849216645396,0.0,0.11008409186460252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643524353863034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582057296839008,0.0,0.19951764977214773,0.0,0.22021424168611825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091880709515666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135475214714117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510041616204168,0.0,0.17511803028983394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zyanaera,2019/01/16,one of my cats just ran away and i cant fckn take it i slit across my face all over with a razer blood and im drunk and i just really want to fucking die he is all i have and i rlly couldnt take it if he died jsut kill me i hate myself and everthinfg so maucihawz8udadejwaida,-1.5005555555555574,0.4837467580645196,1.5611827956989262,96.1395519713262,97.54838709677419,4.691039426523298,11.727598566308243,6.42735559955562,-1.0601132616487448,217,3,55,3,9,76,45,62,0.281,0.695,0.024,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,2,13,10,7,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,10,0,6,8,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168772456971623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5781394940834551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574961238220545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749903124088328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008597601666862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081517309629359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887388630085538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784331916924117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188391863029687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428397248397486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JSiraque,2019/01/16,"Just need to get something of my chest and talk So I've been in the Army since 2017. At first I loved it. I wanted to be the best I could, always on time, always in the right place and in the right uniform. Memorized everything by the first week of actually getting to my duty station. 
I wanted to be the best soldier I could, deploy and serve. But then I got hurt in the field 1 year ago 3 days before I was soppost to go to Air Assault School. At first they just put me on a regular medical profile. Limited only a few things I could do, now me being the soldier I was, i wanted to be the best i could. So a profile just made me look weak to my seniors. So I ignored it at first, pushed through the pain. I got worse...
I now had a profile that limited everything almost. And I got removed from my section. Got placed in a office where I saw none of the guys I used to work with. And then I started getting depressed. The only person who saw this was my friend from the mortars, the only person who cared... he would come to my room just to check on me. I was so depressed because I had everything I was becoming the soldier i wanted to be and then it was all gone in a matter of 5 weeks almost. Then people start treating you like sh×× because you can't do your job and are just in an office. People look at you as a sh××bag because your in there. People don't care about you. So 2018 in February, 1 week before my birthday I tried to kill myself by taking all the medication they gave me. I couldn't stand the ridicule anymore, couldn't take people looking at me like I was a waste, hell my old NCO even once told me to my face i was what's wrong with the army. I didn't choose to get hurt. I never wanted any of this. 
Fortunately my wife and saw me passed out and took me to the hospital. 
I spent my birthday away from my family while I was in rehab 
Missed my scheduled appointment for a consultation for my surgery. 
And it was my choice that led to that. 
But I still have the same feelings. 
Still feel like I failed myself.
Still feel like I failed my family because I'm not strong enough to take so much ridicule at work.
I've asked to he transferred just to get a clean start in a new unit but they can't because I'm hurt and nobody wants a hurt soldier. 
It's hard when you can't rely on anybody. 
I just feel like I've failed. 
I'm still going to counseling and treated for my injury. And now the doctors don't know what to do anymore. I've had surgery. Ive seen specialists. But nothing helps. I've done physical therapy, you name it I've tried it. Nothing works.
The army works policies sometimes makes no sense for hurt soldiers like me. The unit is always against you. You supervisors will never care about you. And no one wants something broke.

Sorry for the rant...",1.8376190476190464,3.874123158730164,3.0937125220458555,91.5838492063492,79.3174603174603,5.82257495590829,23.37477954144621,6.857409640812817,0.6767022927689594,2169,73,461,23,54,701,236,567,0.135,0.807,0.058,-0.99,1,0,2,0,0,1,63.0,0,11,3,17,27,38,5,0,37,0,41,9,2,4,4,69,96,31,1,15,12,1,5,6,1,2,6,0,2,3,17,18,0,4,7,0,2,10,14,21,0,5,30,12,78,17,67,53,11,75,1,12,7,1,31,31,1,2,39,307,95,14,0.0,0.0,0.0585789156442983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053211424292403164,0.0,0.12021924841898955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984494551096136,0.0,0.0,0.04082127042396018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906379359489845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056118313236759684,0.0,0.056398519602525024,0.0,0.0,0.18296332900834145,0.06629648914036375,0.10215924384495594,0.0,0.18898784388792744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360841349422985,0.0,0.0,0.05170902460283503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917107015676898,0.0,0.0,0.03871325710273316,0.0,0.1034044925135119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061441460451180575,0.0,0.061429744074117325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202523180226215,0.0,0.03964809489610148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184856916927567,0.0,0.11317858890025265,0.0,0.1214083532402085,0.12865258758359974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424000498244327,0.0,0.0,0.04637767927885952,0.0,0.15681142280994606,0.0,0.06823087894180914,0.0,0.19204031009620096,0.0,0.0,0.05943740799286259,0.0,0.0,0.05377352384193253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023567257312781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32130743128077915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059568778485248726,0.0,0.06641236790086857,0.0,0.03298995791573285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596063331701736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122584178572196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417784189568922,0.056800184310093725,0.040069324933314006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094429899503716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044127672815891986,0.04451018890516625,0.09259497851146987,0.05797566070408844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519745524414787,0.0,0.06298955357251779,0.06392813022114709,0.040676697703909234,0.13696257390612845,0.06387429338500795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646412917724765,0.1048287100575922,0.12543349582234012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034497407248785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252759996418773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060751796683511085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965599110820368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242536358474203,0.05936947702994558,0.06719671452862219,0.12746491908484195,0.0,0.19175456120904305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540132670258573,0.04824843584584445,0.0,0.0,0.06864753869762569,0.0,0.039880103895514114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03500295699651723,0.0,0.0,0.05735956809383064,0.06669359769034491,0.08151048671311432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184513704979776,0.0,0.0,0.2478435318441857,0.0,0.14445313086787293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480513215751373,0.0,0.06117391805541043,0.04264234856070012,0.06563147114583541,0.0,0.038656226759718505
suicidewatch,helpme1324354,2019/01/16,"I feel like the struggles of young adults and teens on this sub aren't treated as seriously because they are young. I've seen many people here see someones age being under 25 or so and just downplay their feelings because ""they have a lot of time to fix it."" I see it especially with teens. Many people simply say to ""give it time, your angsty, your horomones are raging, etc..."" and I wont deny that certainly plays a part in it. However, I think it's dangerous to put all teens under this blanket, as many are truly suffering from issues that cant be fixed by simply becoming an adult. Someone looking for support here doesnt want to have their feelings downplayed and ignored, regardless of the cause of them.",7.925079365079366,7.273306037037043,7.4899470899470915,75.71333333333334,62.7037037037037,10.084656084656084,36.32275132275132,9.23628265651192,3.2352751322751327,565,23,102,8,7,178,91,135,0.125,0.778,0.097,-0.6129,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,5,0,4,11,2,1,5,0,11,0,0,1,2,18,22,8,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,8,11,5,18,18,4,10,0,1,4,0,11,4,0,2,6,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493263781566431,0.1856425884778375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267509494292185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746517604863508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549745987750388,0.12008378162542376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124758296340888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544265707714726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212045580576248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115356171376744,0.0,0.0,0.14290440698154575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112517047413109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202547179567752,0.0,0.2330653721628117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689772314296517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367219519826765,0.0,0.0,0.26789249689842864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848448209050335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757245330735686,0.0,0.0,0.1907469403951509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770551088243023,0.0,0.0,0.19602967292745047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914404515153642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CryingKitten,2019/01/16,"What’s the goddamn point? It’s the same day over and over again I’m so exhausted I just want a purpose? Am I wrong in that? I’m out of reasons, idgaf about anything anymore, I’ve isolated myself to the point no one left cares. Sure it gets better but when? It definitely won’t be worth it, I’ll be more of the same, mundane pointless things, get up, gym, work, clean, waste time, sleep. I’m so close to just ending it, man. Already siting all of my terrible coping skills, it’s getting worse again. Eat, starve, cry, cut, starve, eat, drink. Same thing over and over and over it won’t stop. I can’t make it stop, I’m in therapy and on antidepressants but it’s not enough, why would it be enough? Does it matter? Goooddddd I just want to stop existing and the thought won’t leave my mind. ",1.2033198529411775,3.4357303687500007,2.240588235294119,95.76205882352942,82.8125,5.514705882352941,20.661764705882355,6.794906146795322,0.20439705882352974,609,18,137,7,17,192,96,160,0.256,0.638,0.106,-0.9823,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,3,9,7,1,0,6,0,9,5,1,2,2,29,21,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,15,7,3,3,2,2,1,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,7,3,17,13,7,24,0,0,0,0,1,15,0,0,9,79,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621708443014653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574198172841968,0.0,0.0,0.1209331942132184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997163675694046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983258546650094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142550376939535,0.09477518965187584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860317243115665,0.0,0.0,0.14396203759615858,0.0,0.3007476582400072,0.0,0.0,0.13016039560586276,0.3036919932446571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230337100755243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560637888184972,0.15966934880756695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809502361684164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838480581012714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958195274217436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778439720890267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109640254446674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706325798475592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685882161944856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850535331874092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680582825138376,0.0,0.1952635708229788,0.0,0.0,0.11666754380970865,0.08569188272942202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335824242466075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326059496737654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698653892893407,0.0,0.149761867622358,0.10439412683146264,0.1606745489916171,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SatansExwifey,2019/01/16,"The old, happy me is trapped under this crushing depression and I’m tired of fighting Half of me wants to see if anything in my miserable life will ever be better and half of me wants to go buy enough fentanyl to permanently put me to sleep. Ive fucked up so many opportunities for myself because of my psycho-ness. I grew up in a house with an emotionally and verbally abusive parent where the other parent was a total enabler. I have no idea what a healthy relationship is and have been in abusive ones my whole teens and now 20’s, EXCEPT one amazing person who OF COURSE died from an overdose. I have no friends left because most of them are dead from drugs or drunk driving, and the others I drive away/never get close to. I’m fat from being an alcoholic benzo fiend for 4 years. Sometimes the old, happy me from high school shines through under the layers and layers of rubble and destruction Ive put myself through but then something happens that just kicks a big concrete block right back on top. My parents are fed up. My boyfriend who a diagnosed sociopath is fed up. The only people I “talk to” are my dead boyfriend and my dead best friend. Is anything even fucking worth it? I just feel like I’d be better off gone because in truth I think my family would be ALOT more at peace without my antics, and theres nobody else to really mourn or miss me-except maybe the superficial way where you can get alot of likes on Facebook for posting nice things about a young person who died tragically. Fuck everyone. ",5.803936553713051,6.679405219178082,5.840670511896183,80.56071016582555,67.013698630137,8.202162941600577,30.436914203316512,8.20500826718156,2.134497260273972,1212,44,224,15,19,382,180,292,0.198,0.652,0.15,-0.9381,3,1,3,0,2,0,21.0,0,1,1,6,11,23,5,1,18,0,21,13,2,0,3,33,39,16,6,4,8,3,1,2,2,2,6,0,0,2,10,12,5,1,3,1,2,7,3,10,0,4,5,3,27,13,42,28,8,39,0,5,2,3,15,22,3,6,10,153,37,1,0.0,0.2383281786110512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748333093524123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655281447110164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449285749442383,0.07733542202319353,0.0,0.1839274636625379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554651390696447,0.1778995753597563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662448982902947,0.10208078872137917,0.20876047172695034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663424782555075,0.0,0.08401691507208862,0.11313254092048895,0.0,0.10392012824193636,0.0,0.06642837094566179,0.09097520457827296,0.0,0.09610304547052996,0.0,0.0,0.09481249107018004,0.0,0.0508533836624236,0.07185029388774772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554068961350242,0.2789379353619823,0.10509183243465617,0.0,0.05715868755071898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893751375299587,0.2141264067806659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626226079937524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604922893842655,0.0,0.11353613307089147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927426190667773,0.0,0.07103859636669274,0.0982710371704454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196654574292124,0.10104039383720928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107160086162327,0.0,0.13630348550167146,0.07649128067776363,0.0,0.0,0.3350275453784055,0.0,0.0,0.06972555018791125,0.17563518387728835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963223698805462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022098833700948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443046643700867,0.0,0.0,0.10797915010965296,0.0,0.08588989534600777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017865523244729,0.0801446888661253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064692497270296,0.0,0.0,0.07742700315215656,0.09947054589457613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083780575875457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681709025023623,0.06444394493147954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559535291392528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186426457417602,0.07983119118305254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122876046579296,0.0,0.09695002792908827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144509100897366,0.0,0.0,0.06476654621825707
suicidewatch,bustedandblack,2019/01/16,"Tired of being a disappointment. I’m not as depressed as I was two years ago cause I was really fucking up, but it feels like all that shit is coming right back. 


I was doing so well, at least I thought I was. I would always fuck up in high school — y’know, shit grades, bouncing from boy to boy, the whole nine. That shit stopped when I went to college but I keep fucking up now. My mom found my dab pen and I’ve gotten nothing but assumptions that I’m going to shoot heroine, get pregnant, get arrested, and ruin my life. I don’t know why I can’t just do things right. 


I had a breakdown so my head is all over the place. I’m so tired. I wanna continue but I don’t want to keep fucking up. I disappoint everybody and I’m ready to go. There’s no need for me here. ",0.03783589408303456,2.218288664596276,2.006662307943774,95.768372016999,87.81987577639751,5.128604118993135,19.653808434128802,6.5966054737557815,0.09124099378882013,589,18,135,7,19,195,100,161,0.27,0.63,0.099,-0.988,0,0,0,1,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,7,0,4,0,14,11,4,1,2,24,37,13,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,3,4,0,0,4,5,11,1,2,9,1,19,2,18,26,4,22,0,4,0,4,3,11,7,0,8,85,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137920124418218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681389150713996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870839179873364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318710647207425,0.0,0.11057914816612656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056465275181238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490758810802624,0.09170735446169724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075077343494352,0.0,0.4747029548414499,0.1341357621051815,0.0,0.14591094165790347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174436859789276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356296584152371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282018128374209,0.0,0.0,0.14109728320646356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067133041431666,0.06271496156430797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034506596643954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518452168940758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317420962437722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411903653248666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223693048357639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925408097788165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991701116822169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39530902221169295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732283492352533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528313870574916,0.0,0.0,0.10191121958127736,0.0,0.2950842210990611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253985647445076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571578749776388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541979592610818,0.1190000176166488,0.11583370673363172,0.14332020935234724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119016682025644,0.0,0.0,0.08266589167438944
suicidewatch,LivingFaithlessness,2019/01/16,One of the popular girls showed interest in me. I know that it will fizzle out in a week and it makes me want to die. Usually I'm really good one-on-one with people but with popular people I can't join in on their conversation because there is like ten people around so they lose interest. It's happened before. This keeps happening and I don't believe it will ever stop.,2.5159428571428606,4.6435284800000005,4.479238095238099,82.03200000000002,77.53333333333333,8.552380952380952,24.04761904761905,9.23628265651192,2.180961904761905,296,10,58,8,7,101,55,75,0.138,0.6459999999999999,0.21600000000000005,0.6754,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,13,12,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,7,6,10,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248896918793484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318107230369053,0.0,0.1839942991457765,0.2436151716170477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441076638512372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559081479904544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136198180284588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38241982223152265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219358734986147,0.0,0.0,0.1188333812408818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563819185906566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419040821417704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433402364525266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930436915509698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497162903931178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852134201528066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807764836925688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814484863359145,0.0,0.12753701328904393,0.0,0.1734452447186923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Memer001,2019/01/16,"I don’t feel anything anymore I feel lost. Nothing. Just a empty f**king person drifting through life. Grades going down, I feel shitty to my friends, just f**cking not making any efforts since what the point if life is going to get harder from here. I feel like an arrogant person since I display all sign of high ego (not caring, not good enough so why try) and I feel like a person who lost all hope. I don’t think I’m going to a place that I personally chose to be the best only for me to feel lost. Anybody else feel this ? ",2.221226415094339,4.3171739528301885,3.2383396226415115,90.72505660377364,78.33962264150944,4.994716981132076,22.864150943396226,5.6839178017228535,0.29260301886792384,413,13,83,2,10,132,70,106,0.14,0.6859999999999999,0.174,0.5975,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,5,4,10,0,0,6,0,4,2,0,1,2,20,23,3,0,2,6,0,7,2,1,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,3,7,10,7,10,19,4,8,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677986356978068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655583298800535,0.0,0.0,0.10501298903752758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339198832586644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010793072509666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660262515278393,0.0,0.0,0.1318562871214569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516677307379382,0.18233066376838397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859195068412648,0.0,0.06667148639079594,0.0,0.2175728353498656,0.10703406171356182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134828039641346,0.0,0.12674652778880194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027086220342003,0.1246885883618514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179074795972416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518134087775084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244620691429292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705392437405656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457000511015168,0.13332634606288835,0.0,0.12063365308818955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111222942862108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176798325673612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663949998379625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151490889660134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BonyBoyBlue,2019/01/16,Can someone help me? i am drunk. i cant sleep and i am scared i will do something stupid. i am not feeling like myself. i feel like i want to destroy myself. please if someone would talk to me?,-1.011382113821135,1.0941781463414664,0.8896341463414643,100.8552642276423,96.8048780487805,2.7333333333333334,19.028455284552845,3.1291,-0.8624666666666667,148,5,34,0,6,48,28,41,0.383,0.485,0.133,-0.8968,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,8,2,1,0,0,7,11,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,11,2,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844422339756336,0.4018859047984688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853273743972165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748335640103977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087555403219327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816053945488348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814781841465497,0.0,0.4766468753193431,0.21653927586053007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260782312180625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590331246975687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980972581969195,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,binarystar45,2019/01/16,"It never got better and never will. I’ve been depressed for almost 10 years. I’ve been through middle school, high school, and now two years of college. 

I’m trans and constantly dysphoric, and my shitty body means I’m constantly in pain and don’t function well. I don’t fit in with anyone, and even when I do interact with people, I’m constantly dissociated. It feels like I’m stuck behind a glass wall that prevents genuine connection.

It means I’m entirely fucking useless, and just a financial and emotional burden on my family and friends. I don’t deserve their support, I don’t even deserve to exist. I just want to end it already. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t belong on this earth.",3.668406326034063,5.813711357664237,4.8829379562043815,80.38868917274941,74.1094890510949,8.070316301703164,28.93491484184915,8.841846274778883,2.5662754257907547,564,24,102,12,12,186,79,137,0.15,0.727,0.123,-0.7768,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,1,0,3,0,9,3,1,0,2,24,23,10,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,4,1,9,5,13,18,0,19,0,2,0,1,3,8,1,1,11,61,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181163618270369,0.0,0.16730113046561718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600652863368824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340832987061548,0.0,0.16840022933415194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305952538150803,0.0,0.49149709089641797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057813456300693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053648663244314,0.13427802895465368,0.0,0.0,0.200268833381045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429207634198031,0.0,0.07665661278885669,0.10830744703008696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713051722203595,0.14015742095687034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212532688073808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018019635112715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406709546350722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33028703313166485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385598188298304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131960757226646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051045990907024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068669876697034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204083568455042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148097156312444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942122136104648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631211484474276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952587496667634
suicidewatch,Dieselfein,2019/01/16,"Accident anyone? Scrolling through Facebook and general news outlets I always see these small blips about ppl dying accidentally, and I always wonder why not me? Why can’t I die in a freak accident by AirPOD, or a heart attack in my sleep?!!
Life seems so hard for me. 
Yet it’s not as bad as the stuff I read here which is why I come on this site. 
To talk myself down from the proverbial ledge.  
I have it pretty good, ppl like me, ppl think I’m attractive although I don’t, and I don’t like myself. 
Also worth noting is that I’m going through a really tough breakup and at the same time Ive also broke my ankle, plus I had to relocate to somewhere I don’t want to be. 
Emotionally I’m drained. I want to be with my partner but I worry that I fukD up so bad this time that I won’t be able to have them anymore. 
And although I know I wasn’t alone in the screwup that was our relationship, I can’t stop feeling the blame and wishing myself away just to stop the pain. 
The pain of ruining an otherwise decent relationship and the pain of betraying the trust we had. 
I just want my friend back. 
Worse is I have several other ppl who are trying to court me, but all I want is my friend back. 
Also worth noting that I haven’t masturbated in almost a month now which was something I did daily and also contributed to the demise of my relationship. 
I wonder if I did jerk off, would I feel better. 
Probably not. 
I just want to die, or have my friend back. 
I also know that if I die, the option for things to turn around are squashed.  
Long story short-
It would be so much easier to die. 
Worse part is due to my broken bones I can’t even get to anywhere to do it. 
#HELP",2.3149727767695083,3.9718737076023416,3.845567654769109,88.49657894736843,76.54385964912281,6.939463601532568,22.319419237749553,7.753152298057669,0.8598770719903204,1296,36,280,19,29,430,169,342,0.232,0.627,0.141,-0.9915,0,1,1,0,0,1,36.0,2,0,1,1,20,20,2,0,16,0,34,7,3,0,1,49,56,27,5,10,12,0,3,2,4,3,4,0,0,1,19,13,0,2,8,1,2,2,12,11,0,0,7,4,48,9,40,42,4,28,0,2,1,0,13,14,0,9,14,197,67,1,0.08246319131874955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257497432242115,0.08540699660894957,0.0,0.3297289215223679,0.13723196233144694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178132726768737,0.05766018073476978,0.0,0.0,0.07340972348551071,0.0,0.09381378489790528,0.07747688276622837,0.1902273119252852,0.13770664052270673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293199142127231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103473753113378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279188666499456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275999099148316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054466160137154086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339173454484916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113257116222604,0.0,0.043083613921340316,0.0,0.04686573199143505,0.06916621243855485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387082200011981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771927875750412,0.055273338891487625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063922670004301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058246190754729386,0.08057469980331124,0.0,0.0,0.07297732935179596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582133256588983,0.0,0.06061993395568278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632399489513042,0.0,0.0,0.0892996002188753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389471162358883,0.08890926760204716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824855070294563,0.0,0.05282803194948476,0.0,0.0,0.2656038194654948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571248693567197,0.07507139227572203,0.0,0.09315993397598073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252274524930789,0.0,0.0,0.06348419346418882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788584079950714,0.0,0.0,0.09440062491430007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662807895318412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478488009957306,0.052839083279327834,0.0,0.0,0.0961699000187616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598709387938825,0.08969627225330813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431946339370665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323061150879034,0.0,0.09482860033397343,0.0,0.17885562668190594,0.0,0.08374537364275328,0.16807407396266832,0.11715897025659147,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soured_peach,2019/01/16,"I was doing so well Until my mom just fucking pushes me over the edge. I hate her. She's the reason of my countless suicide attempts and possibly another one tonight. I'm looking at hotels or Airbnb's to stay tonight but I have a dog and can't leave her alone. Otherwise, I would've just disappeared again. I want to disappear. I don't want to be alive right now. I hate her. Everything she is, is full of bullshit from the negligence, abuse, the cheating, the fakeness. Honestly I wouldn't even mind shooting myself off just to get away. People think I'm overreacting and it'll just 'go away'. Say that to all of my professionally diagnosed mental illnesses. Everything that is and am is because of her. I hate her. I'm laying her trying to distract myself but end up just hurting myself. Purposely? Maybe. By accident? Probably not. ",2.0363984327908398,4.865326575949368,3.6252983725135617,82.47175105485235,87.03797468354429,7.3133212778782415,26.511151295961426,8.269060116576782,2.485449306811333,661,30,118,17,21,218,101,158,0.276,0.64,0.084,-0.9915,0,1,0,1,1,3,24.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,5,1,6,0,13,3,0,1,1,20,26,9,1,3,9,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,8,1,1,1,2,24,2,19,22,2,19,0,1,1,1,10,8,1,1,6,85,27,1,0.0,0.18223325989615669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929514490433666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127749747114378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890089045863814,0.0,0.0,0.09375783561136423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610839649663788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622519348463294,0.0,0.0,0.101586464996026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27645925232401164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218984249913738,0.08035653746291843,0.0,0.08741067904314016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555504987394091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465096850833744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285682731643675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291570984122314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451735885747578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499882687839928,0.0,0.15529876647635035,0.18013404831179555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422195412618468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066287199679624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733915381237208,0.0,0.0,0.1658273353277296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813670952399025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134825862607385,0.0,0.12231156380744547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393520255294688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682372312464918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855175526346564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104423204027705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143583542851188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828877563652264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092583505149915,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrakeTheCake1,2019/01/16,"I need help For the past month everyday I have woke up I have felt lonely, anxious and depressed. I want to call out for help but every time when someone asks if I’m okay I just say yeah but I wanna scream no. I feel like I’m drowning. Then today my girlfriend broke up with me and now I truly feel as all hope is lost because she was the only thing I had to keep me going. I don’t know what to do. I just want all this suffering to end. I just want to breathe again and not drown",-0.7046813186813168,1.3674810666666666,1.2704761904761916,100.33978021978024,90.71428571428572,3.9926739926739927,16.64835164835165,5.369823440869387,-0.8471098901098899,372,9,90,2,13,122,71,105,0.18600000000000005,0.585,0.229,0.5101,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,2,2,7,1,1,0,2,25,23,9,2,7,7,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,5,5,16,3,13,18,2,14,0,5,0,0,7,3,0,2,11,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369963202523913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611981466393372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788244017251632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421302129836994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068673787119552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580644531939774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675215210617815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214628846440656,0.14986980290778226,0.2014256344740934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922513846745085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812277202498534,0.0,0.0,0.20836294615900247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646574701610866,0.0,0.0,0.11529185499407366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248991462225224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900412655579844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744766710812342,0.0,0.0,0.15555225193439765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595502612313621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002626609501412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682873638261206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777493870966743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139371234337874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232679570899695,0.0,0.19885079732393265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712082923743099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jhjhjhjh6969,2019/01/16,"Want to die again after so long of being okay Recently I have had a massive slump I havnt really thought about sicucde much recently till this week, thus week I have tho8ght about just fucking killing myself like 3 times and was so close to doing it I have been self harm free for ages but I have started again, I have counselling tommror9w and I don't know whether to tell him everything or just keep all this shit to myself I don't want to tell any of my friend or my boyfriend what's going in because I don't want to hurt them and I don't want them being sad because of me and I don't want my counsellor to know because if he tells my parents it won't go well I am lost ",2.265258215962444,3.8932296338028185,2.985563380281693,94.73402582159626,76.60563380281691,6.141784037558686,25.21361502347418,6.816661863887847,0.7338854460093893,536,19,121,5,12,168,84,142,0.191,0.7090000000000001,0.1,-0.9096,1,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,2,1,9,12,3,0,1,1,18,2,1,1,1,23,32,12,2,6,7,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,6,7,1,0,5,0,22,6,16,24,2,16,0,3,0,1,10,2,2,3,13,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290724644122064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767417896467458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570530724525567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600254982008644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691452082099325,0.13989896142621938,0.0,0.0,0.17200473677675107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619982066741322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134505994900321,0.16742041194064036,0.0,0.16633023392271334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393051085314922,0.0,0.0,0.1339192389880943,0.0,0.0,0.16519081049242626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124242960055357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680302307636663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694366591314052,0.0,0.2988334332954583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578665997034312,0.0,0.15533453383369358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710971432820288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39679823652800095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013638113427802,0.08823973101282527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462816136479872,0.0,0.2427700686927645,0.0,0.1360607463122435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EscapeToFreedom,2019/01/16,"Need a push over the edge Two days ago, I had an encounter when I went shopping in the evening.

It's winter and so it was already quite dark, when I stopped to secure my bike.

I observed someone harass a woman from the corner of my eye, she walked away pretty fast from that person, it all happened very fast.

As I stood there, still occupied with my bike, the stranger approached me right after the woman walked away, talking to me. I'm always wearing hearing protection when I'm in traffic, so I didn't hear what he said exactly, but I didn't want to be harassed so I just said ""No, thank you. Good evening"".

He then proceeded to walk by me, very slowly, and hissed something hardly intelligible, something along the lines of ""careful, I might slice you right open"".

I felt like [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6qQSll7InQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6qQSll7InQ) 

I stood there and starred as he walked to the next person, a taxi driver. They shook hands and went inside the super market together.

​

I couldn't breath, I couldn't think, I felt like puking on the floor. 

Part of me wanted to get aggressive and shout what he meant by his comment, part of me wanted to cry and run away.

Nothing happened, I just couldn't breath, felt like I was suffocating.

​

Somehow I got my feet to move and so I went inside, I heard that the employes talked on their radio, saying that ""he"" was back and that they should watch for potential shoplifting. 

It took me about 20 minutes to feel better, not quite normal or good, but reasonably better so I could finish my shopping and go home. My appetite was gone for that day.

Tried to think of something else and fell asleep for two hours, woke up, fell asleep again, having nightmares of watching my family sitting together and talking about me loathing and hatred, waking up, fell asleep again, friends doing the same.

Got little sleep that night and felt like shite the next day (and this day).

​

I hate everything about what happened there.

I hate this guy, but I hate myself much more. I hate how much this affected me and how horrible I've felt since it happened.

Having trouble to think of something else than suicide.

​",5.842854349951125,7.95629871717172,4.5889051808406665,84.91464809384166,68.14141414141415,6.725839035516455,27.92570869990225,7.233258080335977,1.4644815249266865,1756,60,308,16,31,510,202,396,0.155,0.737,0.108,-0.9756,1,0,4,0,0,1,96.0,0,2,3,5,26,22,7,1,16,0,17,11,11,4,2,55,60,32,1,10,7,0,8,4,1,2,0,7,1,5,17,18,0,3,11,5,2,18,7,9,0,2,26,18,47,13,44,27,7,59,0,0,3,0,28,16,0,3,28,194,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056579626843464084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043573041409723,0.0,0.053109967857032835,0.27663023022864497,0.3102317840598364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990538137635784,0.04907975396907732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290127035502034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650768493105162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050961424641602665,0.0,0.07011200635007257,0.1646549905322074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664012461824524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431551848522653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057364446141149265,0.0,0.060171311065247576,0.0,0.03227332952160413,0.0,0.30642420956477256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931331612257472,0.0,0.03334746966600592,0.0,0.03627489511007397,0.10707171294489556,0.10209808540773667,0.0,0.0,0.06319970588081053,0.2257713828630487,0.0,0.05717730644298934,0.25206754658979025,0.0,0.0,0.14387747787871605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402463843250766,0.0,0.06285767395140482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247324499028406,0.06397237447338625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771136869354999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783900999655264,0.09384177531778996,0.04732761643717066,0.0,0.0,0.13576349865827572,0.05989820759683684,0.06253783940401696,0.061244639827852485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823890052131246,0.0,0.0,0.11146420860580186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493597208706271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577776390907312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562576350887145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090174417292922,0.12142999450788415,0.050758547999317935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052799140124607465,0.0,0.0638740461508438,0.0,0.054081215217645515,0.1965514981805433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097308361415534,0.05336302453443577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981741800751616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390746623907414,0.0,0.05876420114367205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269512000924512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091520139419695,0.04333498852346605,0.0,0.12470126589206178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532948731536634,0.11294213655741682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750744836922527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102317840598364,0.0
suicidewatch,cheekyindo,2019/01/16,":( I just, don't know...",-5.742000000000001,-5.254677199999998,-1.84,117.16000000000004,121.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,14,0,5,0,1,5,5,5,0.4920000000000001,0.508,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,responsitrannity_,2019/01/16,"Thinking about doing it.. . Hi guys,  


I'm a 17 years old female, who suffers from a rare disorder called PGAD, depression, OCD and is in the closet. I'm at  a very low point right now and I really don't know what to do. I've tried so many things but nothing seems to work. I really don't want to hurt my family (my cats included), but my disorder is killing my SOUL! It's so hard for me to not give up! Everyday I think about it and start crying. I really don't know what to do. One time I saw people writing things such as ""If I had that, I would kill myself."". READING THIS SHIT HURT LIKE HELL!

I'm so hopeless atm, please help me! It's been going on for 2 years and I'm losing my strength.. .",-0.22096038415365984,1.857003598639455,2.151060424169671,95.0419087635054,87.843537414966,5.907803121248499,17.4905962384954,7.285733465282438,0.14412156862745018,527,13,124,9,17,179,95,147,0.332,0.586,0.08199999999999999,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,4,0,4,0,11,1,1,0,0,16,25,11,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,5,1,1,1,4,11,0,1,3,2,15,2,15,21,0,15,2,7,1,0,7,7,2,2,8,70,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956065677075195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088870734515015,0.0,0.0,0.12615305559852225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33573105092267885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807741299276896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050587716981466,0.08324139169830885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450267866103758,0.0,0.0,0.13120695586941447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981747101268055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135949957863653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32409126282914696,0.0,0.1609904519222909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155708299325024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386072288437398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484960123826928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054042162940164,0.0,0.15369399260717004,0.0,0.09925080781833556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154277649258248,0.0,0.0,0.16077836710371005,0.13846002171040006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465080797484912,0.0,0.2814943059650598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508325029471146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333936981722208,0.0,0.0,0.15034775224716265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367111804205874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461425095619453,0.18770212866995956,0.0,0.0,0.0854069271606805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944245856473273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085180514506227,0.0863908827293335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066307711586723,0.0,0.0,0.1040469797407812,0.0,0.0,0.1886417506670951
suicidewatch,didyouknowjeff,2019/01/16,"Second semester and I feel like I’m in a time loop I got pretty used to being alone at the end of my first semester of college. I had “friends” but they were mostly people in my clubs or who I’d say hi to passing by. I knew a lot of people, but there wasn’t really anybody I’d hang out with. I’d go to class, my room, lunch, class, my room, etc. with club meetings and stuff thrown in. I’m at a tiny school, so I see everybody all the time. Everyone has their group of friends, and I barely know anybody in my hall, who mostly seem like jerks anyway. The end of last semester wasn’t bad, but now that I’m back it’s horrible again.

All of my classmate friends are in different classes now, and really don’t give a shit about being friends with me. Even the people I’ll occasionally get food with feel fake as hell, but I’ve got no one else. I feel like any time I’m with someone they’re just being polite. I know that it’s my own fault that I haven’t gotten far, but it still sucks. I don’t have the excuse of it being the first semester now, people are cemented in their ways somewhat. I don’t like college. I almost transferred, but I decided to at least finish out the year. I don’t even know if transferring would help me at all. I feel like I can’t even function as a human being.",2.40245475311896,3.60332190405904,3.9860305745914637,89.46950799507998,75.3468634686347,7.228325426111404,23.23686522579511,7.793537801064563,0.9195027587418728,1000,28,224,14,21,334,133,271,0.138,0.7340000000000001,0.128,-0.7747,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,3,2,14,16,4,0,12,0,20,3,1,1,3,40,42,15,0,2,9,0,4,5,4,1,0,1,2,1,10,11,2,0,10,2,0,3,9,7,0,4,8,6,28,9,32,28,10,36,1,0,1,0,17,16,3,8,21,142,38,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559149768091947,0.11955586703436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849977183517381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876240477493225,0.09638341973002353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206050265006266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643114666566707,0.0,0.20448232905981528,0.0,0.12874056084092694,0.2287312254654724,0.0,0.0,0.11030310818761138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334696575892596,0.2474004034276585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637793758283006,0.13958448403426513,0.0,0.356739239501812,0.0,0.060310033391339724,0.11073578945439716,0.06560438189965784,0.0,0.18464786089630625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737366044275308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032020383057305,0.094094947966753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819785988999792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813872575817116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822175683417744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201124321570572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743891467909735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147901259011796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179856089217447,0.0,0.11682640272345145,0.09198676528282887,0.105087706503668,0.0,0.0,0.11849238888179695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978077175955966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218655585023466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321454799761992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019332648821888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969879395972056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162694558426226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200172600620816,0.0,0.0,0.07433636800449822
suicidewatch,thrww11,2019/01/16,"it wasn't your fault hey there.
hey.
can you hear me?
there you are.
i'm really happy that we get to have these talks 
i feel like i don't have anyone else to talk to.
just me and my cat.
and my goldfish.
but my goldfish isn't really feeling that well right now.
it's all that lady's fault.
anyway i was thinking today, when i was looking at the goldfish,
i don't know.
i guess i was just thinking about lot of things.
i don't know if any of them will make any sense.
i mean,
what's the point of all this anyway right?
this is kinda fun.
it's funny right?
fun games.
gum, gun, gum, gun.
it's all a big joke right?
sometimes...
sometimes...
sometimes, i just throw up blood.
it wasn't your fault...
it wasn't anybody's fault.
i just wanted it all.
everybody just wants it all, right?",-1.2454831144465288,0.7692104085365871,0.5407317073170717,102.42049718574111,100.40243902439023,3.254784240150094,13.624765478424015,5.069623422648166,-1.3287684803001871,593,12,141,3,26,190,83,164,0.05,0.767,0.184,0.9676,0,0,0,2,0,0,39.0,1,4,1,0,13,10,0,0,3,0,16,1,1,1,5,28,31,5,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,16,3,0,0,7,2,0,1,7,4,1,0,6,4,22,6,9,24,6,13,0,0,1,0,12,9,0,4,4,88,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897901118263631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757277000234303,0.14297984702068875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657153696987466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111580004005167,0.0996906299528539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290625000559095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372401651533793,0.0,0.0,0.14854773186352774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727681106630584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338003293251098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068174401742514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718224806767165,0.0,0.0,0.11863575715384655,0.0,0.0,0.09314704786155924,0.0,0.0,0.15200488655691455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191467218210132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879158009559393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.595851270073115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140392827401726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432119185725166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270717568767824,0.17882898229764246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227188444391255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461394175711574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546727830546356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PAYPAL_ME_10_DOLLARS,2019/01/16,I felt like I was relapsing back into depression again today Just wanted to get this out there. Felt like I was just falling back into depression again today. Felt pretty upset at a classmate giving away my homework and they gave it to someone else and lost it. Ended up finding it though but the day is too late to turn it in. Started getting flashbacks from the anger that I experienced from something personal which was not fun. Had all my thoughts from what had happened beginning to end. From what had happened to suicidal thoughts to attempting and etc. still don't know what's gonna happen to me in the end but I need to hope for the best.,3.88200879765396,6.137121306451615,4.222492668621701,84.86737536656894,73.83870967741936,7.089736070381233,28.20821114369501,8.00094639256281,1.9494774193548388,518,21,95,8,11,162,81,124,0.171,0.71,0.119,-0.8102,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,10,10,1,1,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,22,29,6,1,3,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,13,4,9,5,21,15,3,23,0,3,0,0,4,8,0,1,16,72,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275847819446693,0.20883743421581635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425094903351264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757716515663641,0.0,0.23392173628693874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344010619817255,0.0,0.36082476346494413,0.0,0.1514484002190831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911562744228632,0.0,0.12411505448266336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418955768813803,0.13026786624448355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602517777456338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348760366079581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462991257050923,0.0,0.15318376661445796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268610116492294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823734030494673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069098951184932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857180125025896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381533188564493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505948290248505,0.10454237045778897,0.0,0.0,0.09611708499707017,0.0,0.10844683535654444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485387482733638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341884895942166,0.21561365986545916,0.0,0.0,0.2574373986718138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770701824978838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009598020249509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ellebellewhite,2019/01/16,"I'm so numb, maybe I'm just a phsycopath I'm 18, a girl, I have people who care about me, I'm not ugly, I have a good life. But I don't care, I want to die. I'm past the point of feeling emotions anymore. I got accepted into 8 colleges and I couldnt care less. I'm now failing all my classes because I just don't care. I don't care about anyone or anything. I feel absolutly and utterly numb. I feel like I weigh 600 pounds barely being able to move or get up. I cut to feel somthing. I smoke weed to feel something, anything at all. I havn't felt joy for over two years. I'm too numb and tired to even muster up the energy to kill myself. But soon I will. I feel like maybe I'm just actually a physcopath.",0.02042207792207762,1.8955756363636385,2.4156980519480515,94.88640422077923,84.84415584415585,5.40844155844156,20.663961038961038,6.6274283507984215,0.15955974025974085,544,17,130,6,16,186,88,154,0.196,0.617,0.187,-0.3582,0,0,2,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,10,16,2,0,6,0,8,6,0,0,2,24,31,8,2,2,8,0,7,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,8,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,7,19,10,15,26,3,11,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,6,69,20,3,0.12617303642047265,0.0,0.1231266828670658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251297484228504,0.08822312073441425,0.0,0.20765931666923287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691391190613607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6432090981137158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094769165101405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192768354661092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333610058947508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827812697385136,0.1802760848587008,0.12114590153799334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592020392966384,0.0,0.0,0.10582795671032567,0.10091210335168348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395917707086655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891197470037679,0.12328354469760047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25351554778622043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341019698990214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044644003999755,0.08747249678709364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192743021468258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713416769331616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501734456186993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325272292355775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074420125911446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125129870929106
suicidewatch,ZenithOfDepression,2019/01/16,"Just lost the last thing keeping me here It might sound really, really pathetic, but I just ""lost"" my only friend. We played video games together, never met in real life. I have no true friends in my real life, no prospects or talents, an abusive family, no SO, pretty much everything that makes someone have a shred of meaning, I don't have it. Logging on every night and hearing a familiar voice kept me grounded and gave me a reason to play the game again. We got into a fight (about the game, funnily enough) and the guy blocked me on EVERYTHING, even kicked me out of our discord server. He forgot to block me on the game's platform, and I pathetically tried saving the one positive social relationship in my life. The guy claimed he was high, and that he'd add me back later after I issued the most pathetic apology ever. I know he's not gonna add me back. I know I just lost, permanently, my only friend in the world. Now let's see how many nights I spend in a dark dorm room alone, with absolutely no one, before I finally get the stones to kill myself",6.103260869565215,6.088610594202898,6.813828502415457,76.93494565217392,66.2463768115942,10.185024154589373,30.77657004830918,9.928628108626363,2.8093932367149765,831,28,161,17,12,275,130,207,0.217,0.607,0.17600000000000002,-0.862,0,1,0,0,1,1,29.0,3,0,0,3,13,13,2,0,16,0,8,3,0,3,3,37,25,9,1,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,3,3,2,2,5,12,0,5,4,7,1,0,7,5,0,2,9,4,27,8,18,12,3,27,0,3,1,0,23,15,0,3,12,103,32,1,0.0,0.1380113282208862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063952837102095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913390475512664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911703209989103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035635073568615,0.0,0.0769348195348932,0.1053640311622983,0.09814054385347272,0.0,0.20937181628607104,0.0,0.10980823082512073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759960284136465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699795585474943,0.0,0.0608566870438927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931607599267582,0.0,0.0,0.2306696586323161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128292388635568,0.0,0.0,0.12306891982428765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215762451380342,0.0,0.1035339576018962,0.12886933288289362,0.0,0.1280301848228371,0.09494783005121547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911005120601754,0.24682262324124699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814593925516902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777521918949157,0.1180937855866597,0.0,0.12688231543423462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356828314616015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562717965344868,0.0,0.08983758211189254,0.0,0.0,0.21861967403941915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786152678086807,0.17717859978081932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850338783640132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651625078268171,0.14924184463096415,0.1197622066044522,0.0,0.12505735590012718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928205386767533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873804652646347,0.09869425244004887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738501948894035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908317665587729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NSFWPONGPONG,2019/01/16,"Should I Just Off Myself If I'm.... Lazy, procrastinate, going to school when I don't know what I want to do in life. Can't concentrate on learning anything I.e. I want to learn editing, but seeing all the tools freak me out. Even when I study my arse off, I get Bs while the smarter students manage to get perfect A's. (I have a friend that I hang with a lot, and he barely studies). I know life is just meaningless but I'm too scared to off myself. I'm scared of everything. Heights, bugs, fear of looking at my bank statement, fear of looking at my test score, fear of talking to people (couldn't even work the cash registered because A. I'm shaking in my boots talking to random people and B. I'm too stupid to even learn a register) only things I'm good at are rapping, writing lyrics, video games, and tying extremely fast (over 120-130 WPM).

The one thing that I am passionate about (music) is seemingly impossible since the chances of getting any recognition are zero to none. I'm a Korean American who looks like a Kpop star and I'm either called a girl or some racial slur. I'm a disappointment to my family who are counting on me to complete college ASAP but this is my fourth year and I'm only 70% done. I hate myself, I think that everything's pointless, and plus everything else. I have a girlfriend who loves me very much, but I'm too depressed about having money to support me and my family to worry about anything else. Money seems to be the only thing that I care about since it will help my family (mainly) and keep me from stressing about anything else. That's I don't usually get why rich people get depressed (there are some occasions where I can empathize such as Robin Williams condition that led him to suicide). 

Simple question: Should I just off myself? Before you give me a ""nice person answer"" and say "" no every life is important "" or something along those lines, I'd like to give you these pieces of information as well.

Yes I am in college and my sister is on her third year in high school. My mom is paying for my car insurance until I graduate and now she found out I'm not graduating this year so she's pissed. I'm just being a leech on my family and not to mention, I'm living with my girlfriend's family because living in a dorm and paying for college was way too expensive for me and my family. (Even after loans and scholarships, my parents had to pay 1,500-2000 out of pocket twice for the first semester) I had no choice but to live somewhere so my family doesn't suffer more. My mom also puts an emphasis on money and a good job so not providing that for her just kills me inside even more. I'm living rent free at my girlfriend's family place and I help out here and there, but I feel like shit because I've lived here for three years and all I feel like I'm doing, is just leeching off them too. If I was gone, then literally everyone would benefit from it. My family would benefit, my gf could find a better guy, her family wouldn't have to house me, my mom could pay for my sisters car insurance. The thing is, I had two previous jobs before which I couldn't keep doing. When I stand for a long period of time, my back ends up giving out. I have no idea why this happens but I remember being diagnosed in middle school for having some form of scoliosis. Thus, I just work with my gfs family to make money to pay for other college related things. Honestly, I don't know what to do in life and I'm being a burden, so I need brutally honest answers. Honestly I probably be too scared to do it anyways (only came close once when I thought about ramming into the middle section of the road but I held my grip because I didn't want to take someone else with me.) I have no idea where to post this but since it's a long question, I'm posting it here unless anyone else knows where I can post it if it doesn't belong here. Thanks for reading it and thank you for giving me your honest answers.


Tl;dr

Should I just give up on life if there's no benefit to me being around and I have no idea what to do in life?",3.954591964846201,5.164227993827165,5.075101485666458,83.12914312617707,71.53086419753086,8.256957522494245,26.32140615191463,8.694712214485833,1.8400872567482736,3185,102,632,56,59,1051,340,810,0.134,0.721,0.145,0.938,4,0,1,0,0,1,97.0,0,4,1,5,50,46,6,8,29,1,60,11,2,3,3,120,122,53,2,18,28,6,3,4,5,7,7,1,2,3,34,37,0,3,26,4,17,9,20,20,1,7,12,8,92,27,102,93,15,80,0,4,4,2,47,44,2,15,26,430,126,29,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038188460600970565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03247402085696387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03339036093752582,0.0489291089993487,0.11789119696580115,0.04251074367561043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036719497606028134,0.0,0.11644037337532748,0.0,0.08126943088487333,0.0,0.0,0.04223409442038653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876166764606315,0.05461728790572412,0.04868788083108388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050068641319934735,0.0,0.0,0.07625457581984252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226004756129744,0.04846880225147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048868415156671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945962866344685,0.0,0.04229543133393929,0.0,0.0,0.15770369800141745,0.0,0.040234387454547535,0.04563052034588761,0.12875331307150756,0.0,0.4951952989422892,0.16120790776937274,0.04829121380085754,0.06823022685807079,0.0,0.0,0.04364583833412227,0.040619106857422205,0.0,0.0523592532915456,0.036894239413854016,0.0,0.12474617673710192,0.2290475661448457,0.027139417304180173,0.0801067484900299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728347762815265,0.04222826665845055,0.0,0.0,0.04714669963195412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401633544294594,0.050454199756789116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551011331251024,0.0,0.1617236833042939,0.0,0.0,0.09477597021666444,0.08489101855960395,0.052832177881149314,0.0,0.10497630968359632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023782764208666,0.09331980144984177,0.0,0.21083609847621254,0.08452069821015258,0.12030275121910408,0.0,0.0,0.04059832216886406,0.04309940257697696,0.0,0.031875835320528165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778498329977787,0.0,0.0,0.03510432067668938,0.035408618787262765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085592419313132,0.03235901077821024,0.14527476927128208,0.0,0.0,0.05302461592475418,0.0,0.0,0.0993188026737405,0.04169651852408732,0.04989224878588918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720397216588234,0.0,0.0514863550216598,0.0,0.0,0.04800546201258584,0.10698970874084797,0.0,0.04776642765823905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409541204145082,0.0,0.0,0.037975503767209665,0.14342876715837038,0.14498728913446993,0.03805336072353707,0.08694599469603811,0.0,0.0,0.04901828652468501,0.11850657812755425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040461389720221515,0.03676298108303956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470147849965179,0.0,0.0,0.05223458363302489,0.054190111435034216,0.0,0.0,0.03590469267397337,0.07676491670647198,0.0,0.08793002281856331,0.0,0.0,0.15862653369561314,0.030598517726130505,0.0,0.037910948757754255,0.02784545271999001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664823541370252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259373906275873,0.0394016426789504,0.08449876328949604,0.03790450943234437,0.0,0.0,0.042936135853966544,0.0,0.0861802211462536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953024059064451,0.0484960022175806,0.0,0.06784543950583684,0.0,0.0,0.12300676593443867
suicidewatch,PhatPenguin8,2019/01/16,"Think I'm finally going to do it These past few months have been the hardest in my life yet. I was a depressed NEET a bit back at the start of this. I had a sudden burst of motivation and I clung to it. I went and got a job after rotting in my room for 2 1/2 years after finishing school. At first I felt better about myself and didn't mind that this job was gonna be hard and I would push through. Let's just say it wasn't that easy... It got to the point where I was crying my entire.lunch break in the toilets every day for a month so I went to my doctor, discussed a few things and decided it was best for me to quit, so I did. And after that I was feeling a bit better but now I'm straight back in the rut I was in before but worse. I don't think my friends want to try and help me anymore they've sort of given up I don't blame them, so have I. They listen because that's all they can do their doesn't seem to be a fix for me. Don't even enjoy the things I used to so I can't even distract my self the only thing that helps is taking copious amounts of drugs every night so I can distract myself from my shitty life. I took a walk not long ago and kind of stood on the edge of a bridge and leaned forward just to see if I was scared, and I wasn't. Idk why I posted this guess it's a cry for attention. I'm just a lazy weak willed sack of shit I have no place on this world and being a man doesn't help. doctor keeps saying ""haha just get another job you'll be fine"" yea good joke. No one ever takes my problem seriously and I give up I can't keep trying I've got no strength left",1.6153846153846168,2.57811258974359,3.2298575498575524,95.06051282051287,76.94871794871794,6.111680911680912,20.407407407407405,6.238725200709706,-0.12245413105413094,1233,26,303,8,27,409,183,351,0.153,0.7140000000000001,0.133,-0.9227,3,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,4,7,19,19,1,3,21,2,36,7,1,2,2,39,66,20,0,4,8,0,3,0,1,4,6,3,1,2,19,12,0,2,8,1,0,7,14,8,0,2,22,7,42,11,38,35,7,48,0,1,1,0,16,19,1,4,22,197,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859515061392466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167375417954183,0.0,0.0,0.09616085758105657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491165286846768,0.0,0.05910750898191089,0.0,0.08250804212897306,0.0,0.10175628034883764,0.17151110343827328,0.2117161208550889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301775499176134,0.06253286394385901,0.0,0.08351375659728093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984906863666822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124458476238638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280857829756766,0.08770823477902437,0.16339036702919107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902721059268568,0.0,0.09309931436093513,0.10621780317499152,0.0,0.08247634918426001,0.0,0.0,0.07491307436831769,0.0,0.05065896336955338,0.09301537383122097,0.055106087538896835,0.08132763952282887,0.2326495782397189,0.0,0.1068152500104439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868594559549996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949759870652238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886612958270269,0.1723696514033526,0.0,0.10097164055282763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535016286079818,0.09915084133053896,0.13697512233987913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858088613733788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790459831463888,0.0,0.15478926542598956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099284398310076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570437606048027,0.07374443657844537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256178576889393,0.0,0.0,0.10130529326744812,0.0,0.09166101048219104,0.0,0.092863380424567,0.0,0.0,0.09278012566638552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103131674414286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542171234905058,0.09707649099510844,0.09813134106163277,0.07726664886270293,0.0882711213209865,0.1011531522415738,0.0,0.09953072897478768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863063662830447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458076358363386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325295500303555,0.12425945461378207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772903089061882,0.1316624990272144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374456565828041,0.0,0.0,0.05719106143130402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797706275733054,0.08749367676872452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881318651438628,0.06887945836530024,0.0,0.0,0.062440743803439336
suicidewatch,DontForgetToThink,2019/01/16,"How I feel in a way I know how to express (I think) If I stand up to leave and pull my teeth apart
My feet won’t move, no sound will escape my heart
I ain’t got the bravery to come clean
I’ll remain seated and fall asleep dreaming of domestic screams
I’ll stay, anemic, lack of iron, lack of sleeping
Stuck in my way, lack of trying, lost in feelings 
The day’s over breathing seems less and less appealing 
Wasting away on time that I’ve seemingly been stealing",6.116736842105265,5.171084042105264,5.98,86.03000000000002,66.47368421052633,8.863157894736842,31.63157894736842,7.554174236665415,1.8319052631578945,364,12,79,3,5,114,68,95,0.226,0.6990000000000001,0.075,-0.9066,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,4,6,6,2,0,16,14,6,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,6,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,4,4,9,0,14,8,5,18,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,3,2,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122913925319107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028341007020885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185683253540044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381185328513143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832459080449127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27902970739277805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940658806529776,0.0,0.0,0.2493257138930287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570402104466342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25026431685102823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287209010669164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23563720233040394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509766528196789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087784246669206,0.0,0.0,0.13730278919075165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986673890322833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738057283753082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paradoxalis,2019/01/16,"Contemplating suicide. I don't have a reason to live anymore. 16 years of being here and all I've done is fail. There's no one I can turn to. I'm alone, stuck in a bubble. I want to die. I just want to die. I'm done with everything. ",-2.147884615384616,-0.33858501923076645,1.0142307692307675,99.36826923076923,101.1153846153846,4.138461538461539,14.192307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.8760846153846154,177,4,45,2,8,62,38,52,0.389,0.565,0.046,-0.9657,0,1,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,7,13,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,4,0,7,9,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,27,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24518639072338955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23477781982127946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913877626056192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845248400188178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276243635711053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904162035308516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041797621442902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434033320497307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25895001093345066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750004248277963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792652447964762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524497811995229
suicidewatch,ClogsInBronteland,2019/01/16,"Life long death wish I am 38 and chronically suicidal. I am not planning anymore. But death couldn’t come quick enough. My life won’t change anymore and will probably only get worse.

Years long therapy hasn’t worked. Antidepressants don’t work anymore. Self harm isn’t sufficient anymore. I take morphine to numb myself. 

People who tell me please not to kill myself enrage me. It doesn’t work. 

Every night I pray I won’t wake up and every morning I do. ",2.359672304439748,5.233217313953489,3.100951374207188,86.75535940803385,85.16279069767441,5.917970401691332,22.93446088794926,7.348242739294969,1.233246511627907,363,13,66,6,11,114,58,86,0.254,0.633,0.113,-0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,1,4,2,0,0,0,11,5,1,0,0,9,15,4,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,3,11,1,7,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,35,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5919820832868571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786497692370655,0.12854796233550053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419391920091913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514645051428888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779662313415365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510028245754596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081035548399601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412674448887635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004173501652364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349572553397133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034569147844432,0.0,0.0,0.16380912950361876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089459298664455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556788679440705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632328035248717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220197878951096,0.0,0.1304331217642615,0.0,0.17065688797470344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160650926199442,0.0,0.0,0.3259224630114798,0.0,0.1520775643033644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609887673782226
suicidewatch,lususchrist,2019/01/16,"I am going to kill myself I have nothing to live for. I have no friends at all, my family is small and our relationship is poor, I'm working at a place I hate with people who make me cry every night, I'm living in a town that I am so desperate to leave but cannot leave as I cannot afford it, the people I see for my mental health aren't listening to me or taking me seriously and I have to be one of the worst, ugliest, unfunniest person ever with an awful personality. I feel so numb. There is no way any of this is going to get better. ",3.827955665024632,3.6014956379310377,6.334926108374388,79.15982758620692,71.06896551724137,9.042364532019707,25.19211822660099,8.841846274778883,1.588070443349754,418,10,92,7,7,152,77,116,0.306,0.648,0.046,-0.9846,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,2,4,7,2,0,5,1,13,2,0,1,2,10,24,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,5,0,1,0,3,16,2,16,23,2,11,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,2,67,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113335569065795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575400103433889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566557879913216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611272499247935,0.15008077958668647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792351295581068,0.0,0.0900670231727473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762148658891107,0.0,0.09306468739613803,0.0,0.2024688414178604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586482318629826,0.0,0.18934205857682407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970725775960381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377224310629986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31458111358172497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890202678706345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795114352315506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716134751510395,0.0,0.17091891280969934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207043494755349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469834765055185,0.3110695304217158,0.18610616606449254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124313692986175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194519674826908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339303170308676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138995733149098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967952754944148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joaniepoot,2019/01/16,"I fantasize about making my life perfect and ending it all First time posting in this group. I'm just coming out of a major depressive episode and for the first time in a while, a lot of things are looking up for me. I have a lot of aspirations in life and I do want to build a great life for myself, but these desires are not out of actual self-fulfillment. I have gotten to a point where nearly everything feels meaningless. I'm willing to go after goals and dreams but I don't believe feeling genuine fervor for life is a possibility anymore. I just live because I happen to be alive. Anyways, what really gets me going is this fantasy of finally perfecting every aspect of my life and then having the option to end it all. In my mind, I would be beautiful. skinny. have perfect skin. and desirable. I would have an ordered life where I had a great job and a super organized home. Once I've achieved working on all my current flaws and became the ideal person I would want to become, I would end it all. What I'd leave behind is a romantic tragedy for everyone around me. Thinking about this gives me so much relief and motivation to achieve all my goals. and that is so fucked up to say it.",4.473506787330316,5.795244867521371,5.5619959778783326,79.70228506787332,70.41025641025641,8.582805429864255,29.149321266968325,9.007467420416297,2.436843438914027,945,36,177,18,17,313,130,234,0.085,0.693,0.222,0.9895,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,13,10,10,1,0,14,0,21,9,2,2,8,45,38,16,0,9,5,0,3,0,0,5,6,1,1,1,12,14,1,0,4,2,0,3,2,2,0,2,2,5,22,8,34,29,9,31,0,1,1,1,4,14,1,3,12,135,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.11089590725674273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269999851406418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116338294015158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927367685772047,0.12550606699175093,0.0,0.12803297248822754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789049752153894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787766541582528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30195300387857155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957463077213122,0.10858755703579492,0.10213199134206168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491924468928345,0.0,0.0,0.12448668367894128,0.0,0.19332365921708772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050580267505824,0.05937202766375296,0.10901350878373216,0.12916806567609082,0.0,0.0,0.2505762341714545,0.0,0.0,0.10049116862000708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398983617793365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276981933926553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032798278701932,0.0,0.0,0.4816022799450118,0.0,0.0,0.1003458943485553,0.0,0.09542868647668787,0.0,0.0,0.1932247360166872,0.0,0.0,0.07585534987753881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147436531052058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083538219480909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102252017004235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922576050212556,0.0,0.0,0.1074262023550794,0.12811163252140886,0.10883537334344023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280047073239715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037081212370096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855094051869228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549713500742583,0.0728157001851158,0.0,0.0,0.13252838944195605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405522164551598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273101981544244,0.0,0.0,0.32290539209783914,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cocainedanceparty,2019/01/16,"i know why i'm so alone another person left me today because i annoyed them. i didnt even notice that. did i text them too often? did my general presence annoy them? i wouldnt be surprised. 
i'm gonna do the only thing i can right now and that is self harm and cry. fuck my 6 week clean streak, i NEED this right now. i wish i had the balls to press deeper. i wish. that one friend that left told me a foolproof way on how to end my life if i'm a pussy, which i am. not today but soon.",-1.4367460317460292,0.5077418333333341,1.0759788359788338,101.08833333333332,93.62962962962965,3.8264550264550254,14.195767195767194,5.288315135182226,-1.2020232804232802,370,7,93,2,14,125,73,108,0.139,0.7659999999999999,0.095,-0.5189,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,0,8,6,3,0,4,0,10,2,0,1,0,13,20,6,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,1,19,2,3,12,0,13,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,2,7,57,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330876309677974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855899537586883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789175581510456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944157350031999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676103458949647,0.0,0.0,0.1169005449411464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674240830515882,0.16362484976610994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972693408861333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846013558086937,0.0,0.12501361254084556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123620068208952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015048382505392,0.0,0.0,0.11993333199121327,0.13460923799849278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454126312150912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022978112499403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846396742064692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758461257500526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355325663096539,0.16912199149364227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048680736478525,0.14197108975148187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970638201291582,0.0,0.4070606419520913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aragember,2019/01/16,"a list of little big things Over the course of the past three months, whenever I thought of a reason not to kill myself, I wrote it down. So now I have this little list I always carry with me, to look at when I feel like it's the end. There's some stuff on it that maybe only applies to me personally, but I'm sharing it here and I hope maybe some of you find inspiration in it. It really does help.

1. my 14 year old brother, who needs me. For the time being, that is.
2. sunsets
3. eventually, I will die anyway, without the risk of making my parents feel guilty
4. the pets I'm going to adopt in the future, who would maybe never find a home otherwise
5. the kids I'm going to have, who would otherwise never exist to watch the sunset or hear music
6. New Zealand's nature
7. the parents of the little boy, where I often babysit, would have to explain it to him
8. Tolkien's universe of Middle-earth, so much that I haven't read yet
9. this one person who once said that I was going to be alright, so simply but so condifently, and who I don't want to let down even though he has forgotten me by now
10. seeing the northern lights with my own eyes",2.7482194328219407,3.8665447447698753,4.301304044630407,87.87353672710367,74.35564853556484,6.817387261738727,22.90120874012087,7.1686216300943375,0.6949189214318929,890,23,192,9,18,298,146,239,0.053,0.836,0.112,0.9228,2,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,0,0,15,7,1,1,15,1,15,1,1,2,2,30,34,11,2,6,5,3,2,1,0,4,0,2,2,4,20,4,0,0,8,1,0,3,6,2,0,2,4,9,21,5,29,23,4,29,0,0,4,0,21,12,0,5,15,129,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078091266512904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570265175819542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599226557749568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727569901989573,0.0,0.0,0.07999811756287348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248305676573727,0.08652761125304137,0.0,0.0,0.2214015873078576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650457062219696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365101893076538,0.0,0.08118367536097829,0.0,0.12149247598214435,0.1202987370035993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340004968431634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385263183697025,0.0,0.059172744060045385,0.3641799013400946,0.0,0.0,0.10170965928645616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084803507155193,0.0,0.365041676758866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667622405345826,0.0,0.08903657961252648,0.08980838383564592,0.18682925361492386,0.11697771943254127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709427086300368,0.12898804067150454,0.08207353350808191,0.09211664198720064,0.0,0.0,0.2689771712541942,0.0,0.11562202217517994,0.0,0.2115133020420668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115201938156052,0.0,0.07759208836951323,0.12453075397397707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521213592492915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651635514585682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865255547455768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046624303672774,0.0,0.11899904108944875,0.09615514962799536,0.0706256044885255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143926749147174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167546279034798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581189050007553,0.0,0.0,0.07799682130919056
suicidewatch,ciaranac,2019/01/16,"I need some advice I feel like lately everything has just been sort of falling apart, but I’ve also been making steps towards a healthier life as well.

I have an issue with school because I never feel like I’m doing good enough to impress my family or friends, same with a lot of the other stuff I do. I just never feel like what I’ve done is enough if that makes any sense.

I’ve had problems with relationships as well, I’ve had some bad breakups that I just can’t seem to forget about. I just feel like I haven’t had the best of luck, maybe the time isn’t right yet.

I’m not really sure that I want to kill myself or anything but I don’t know where else to post this. Sorry if I broke the rules here or something like that.

I just need some advice on whether or not I should continue trying to just give up",4.746352941176472,4.525502694117648,5.200000000000003,88.06000000000004,69.11764705882354,8.211764705882354,25.235294117647058,7.554174236665415,0.9678117647058824,638,14,143,6,10,204,97,170,0.138,0.637,0.225,0.9507,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,13,17,1,0,7,0,16,1,0,2,3,44,30,12,1,7,17,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,4,2,0,6,4,16,13,17,23,8,15,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,13,11,97,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24660035799226016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090490833565308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858057131996241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383416208466084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535378482269286,0.07691724814974622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324165609615182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291244233020287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054059536845378,0.0,0.0,0.26075225958873016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340110816147014,0.0,0.1189498690101168,0.0,0.25519858225807146,0.3605678091491056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748520332013494,0.0,0.0,0.12104192367347055,0.0,0.10583254713922988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169758154962166,0.0,0.0,0.13959782568807708,0.0,0.06934440888256964,0.0,0.14233485448946726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912361269177038,0.3082222307148427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727245645838954,0.0,0.0,0.1684502695590992,0.0,0.12676327218077635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187119531753528,0.1946332901294784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208441329903899,0.0,0.0,0.120735792662655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083318407139027,0.0,0.0,0.13546849804694802,0.0,0.10775575755243014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276993878056163,0.0,0.11486817597372502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971383810175154,0.0,0.14124651082430978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444420525543186,0.0,0.0,0.11892175179574813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357570349939539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566692526994539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442335398375939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689926666075305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaymylife29,2019/01/16,"Any helpful resources? I've never spoken to anyone about my suicidal thoughts or depression or anything. If I even allude to it, people automatically assume there's no way I could be feeling that way. To everyone I'm happy and caring. I'm the shoulder they cry on; the person they turn to and tell things they'd never tell anyone else. The person who knows what to say and who will check up on them.  

But I have no one who would do the same for me.  

So today, as I was once again thinking about how to make it look like an accident, I finally called the Suicide hotline. And I can honestly say it didn't work for me. I didn't know how to get started, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to ask for. My family growing up didn't believe or buy into depression or mental illness. That wasn't a thing. I understood that it was because I've felt this way since I was 12. But I couldn't go to anyone about it. So I don't know how to approach getting help.  

They suggested calling 211 for a counseling resources and all they said was that I could speak with someone over the phone or walk in at their location halfway across the state.  

----

*What I really wanted, and what I guess the whole point of this is, how do I find somewhere I can get help. What questions do I ask. What options are there for someone low-income. Please help me get started. I've been thinking of throwing away my life on and off for over a decade, and I'm tired.*  

----

I can't tell myself this is just a phase anymore. I can't keep telling myself that there are people who will be sad and how could I think of doing that to them. I'm tired of fighting it everyday. I just want relief. I just want someone to understand that I don't know why someone like me could feel this way. I just want to sleep and never feel this again.",2.3024728260869587,4.075276692934786,3.5488043478260884,90.10217391304352,76.90760869565217,6.339130434782609,24.0,7.1686216300943375,0.8623652173913041,1405,46,298,16,32,457,167,368,0.104,0.792,0.104,-0.7096,1,0,0,0,2,1,47.0,0,0,8,1,20,10,1,0,13,0,37,6,2,6,4,67,77,26,2,11,12,0,4,2,0,3,4,5,0,2,31,12,0,1,19,0,2,5,16,4,0,1,15,10,43,6,42,51,3,34,0,3,1,0,35,14,0,10,12,209,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399362473153644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874186329466512,0.16655159144464626,0.0813530286685378,0.06533810597051558,0.0,0.1484535446350993,0.0,0.07459739668086299,0.0,0.0,0.04840051876636644,0.0,0.0,0.08945479103639498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214925744871794,0.0,0.08095194549964609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535726000185866,0.0,0.08721539805715119,0.0,0.0,0.13677142593417332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632716279010635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244188470635963,0.0,0.0,0.07586855975465863,0.0,0.0,0.07484973144219258,0.0,0.1204386278778941,0.0,0.07623490127525609,0.08697705019960716,0.0725686857961276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659295172126518,0.0,0.045123932136670826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746627292729932,0.0,0.0,0.08452105762283553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287625624304896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057293304352592,0.0,0.0,0.26181165688058794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056081427669076575,0.07758008103920601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667464670817269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299903876645363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001489774347392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837107886347832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455668912556469,0.053802400766388425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008968643933698,0.13865521511595258,0.0,0.08715558423778676,0.07505713799147104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894436277746827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086463877355168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552604652478209,0.1894223485686463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567916485017514,0.0,0.07945572592447885,0.0,0.2690959770325576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123971716382942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369789340914318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775907537209996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549751840771733,0.15262583811745636,0.0,0.0630334490902359,0.0,0.1825135279942888,0.07526038551188331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636264345151631,0.0,0.08265651929434849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732489930654206,0.2520909704329518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164469315868209,0.08864546177477799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578029701723807,0.0,0.0,0.05640233490887154,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WheresLorenzo,2019/01/16,My wife is suicidal I only seem to make it worse. I make her feel ignored and stress her to the point of breakdown. Our arguments sometimes turn violent. I’m so scared I’m going to lose her. I’m not mentally well myself and I’m afraid I can’t support her through this. Especially if I keep making it worse. I want to help her but I don’t know how. Any advice would be appreciated. ,-0.5054625121713698,1.6589511898734202,2.164810126582278,90.3656572541383,100.39240506329115,5.468743914313536,20.00097370983447,7.010146845296331,0.7675172346640702,300,11,64,6,13,103,55,79,0.244,0.644,0.113,-0.7753,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,8,1,3,1,0,5,0,0,4,0,16,20,6,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,1,14,2,6,18,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,37,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586686997638594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363055318113474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134808387193936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391421853764926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435017310603772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815957379808753,0.0,0.0,0.11015614436875963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424019848249346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013841745467554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199557344007266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244304648562265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947983509226465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067460972037465,0.0,0.0,0.1824723230010588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823949759237397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296024305275736,0.0,0.0,0.2192479561556032,0.22745603295024494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802029596685188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822423549280542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021891583050292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085293449677786,0.14238625936637853,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZakoraHatake,2019/01/16,"I don’t know how much more I can take I’ve been depressed since my senior year of high school when my cats passed, my family started to get weaker and I lost my best friend because I was in love with her. I’m a freshman now but I just feel so overwhelmed by everything. I can’t make friends, the friends from back home are moving on, and I just can’t take it anymore. I feel so isolated, so alone and there’s just no point. I’m in love with my best friend again and I know she won’t like me back and telling her is just going to push me over the edge. But holding it in has made me incredibly anxious and it’s also making me worse. I’m overweight, ugly, insecure about my penis size, pretty much anything society holds high in masculinity I lack. I don’t have any self confidence and nothing seems to make me happy anymore but my best friend. But she lives so far away and my feelings for her get in the way. I recently started cutting to and I’m just worried that I’ll end up taking my own life. I don’t want to die, I’m scared of what’ll happen on the other side, but I’m also scared of living a life that accomplished nothing. I just don’t know what to do. I’m still willing to fight, but I just need a reason, and none have come my way. ",1.4743757921419522,3.252429091254754,2.996297528517112,93.09860345373892,79.38022813688212,5.9042458808618505,22.36517743979721,6.816661863887847,0.4495147021546266,973,30,219,10,24,319,136,263,0.187,0.605,0.209,0.8996,0,1,0,0,1,3,24.0,0,0,0,5,23,20,2,4,7,0,17,5,0,6,0,44,50,24,1,3,13,0,3,1,5,2,3,0,1,1,7,13,1,2,8,0,0,5,9,8,0,0,4,3,35,12,26,44,9,34,0,3,0,2,15,15,0,1,13,139,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108756137521144,0.0,0.15610661381380048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663735766396737,0.0,0.0,0.11026392353575376,0.1935924518542856,0.0,0.0,0.08031918223101174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170149346956996,0.15010179363122372,0.0,0.05949805292221901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30728585881784354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840765824236708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840655611333411,0.0,0.10129679397145427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644753495467644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771953361739833,0.0,0.0920116849172314,0.0,0.1480534514505648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770402559763058,0.0,0.1019873696409325,0.0,0.05547019269123867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631025722871616,0.10390050535945773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062464459883792,0.0979040468638544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092062868094434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788016477736664,0.04768403195905708,0.0,0.17237096696166918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654550869409904,0.0,0.17618153986334448,0.09235458248356633,0.1954528397871917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103736839074873,0.14349928079930205,0.07237159460890688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873059570398609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226664676805273,0.0,0.0,0.09929762369628307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035242655562664,0.0963714630080119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543581850143305,0.09877972907977203,0.0,0.08885435942609198,0.1018215064207882,0.0,0.0,0.0807384409453559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816820639306968,0.0,0.07794610464245258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201565566595541,0.0,0.08530956783405261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057568942733806916,0.1549458795311103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991208675416031,0.09946607972339533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628533115895091
suicidewatch,NicolaNetti,2019/01/16,"Finding reasons to live I'm looking for reads or videos of famous intelligent philosophers, scientists, about why should we live. 

If somebody can prompt me in some field of philosophy or science that specifically deals with this question, would be much appreciated.

For example is there is there any speech about, for instance, Elon Musk or Stephen Hawking on this topic?

​

I would have asked this question in the Askphilosophy section perhaps, but I was afraid it could have been removed.

​

I'm asking this because right now I'm trying to gain control over my life. I just realized that when I'm planning something, like applying to a school or choosing a new chair I sit down, I take some time, consider all the available options and then decide what to do, and I can do the same with my whole life now.",10.272779922779923,9.179669675675676,8.681389961389964,70.47905405405406,58.32432432432432,11.159845559845559,43.44015444015446,9.957137785484203,4.406977606177605,664,33,111,10,7,201,103,148,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.9001,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,5,0,15,2,0,2,1,29,23,10,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,10,1,18,16,7,15,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,10,7,78,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159817974375824,0.3543632836818725,0.09915945574151172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27263538542017385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888769965607661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635443428518933,0.11642171244208482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032924968056127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327261177962446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059874243495468,0.07123802717894631,0.0,0.25751529652148697,0.0,0.12244819110057638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719107891838256,0.0,0.0,0.1408293985455597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266931845432469,0.0,0.14585483547509526,0.0,0.0,0.14992249180147368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452553418039855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475729449840949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225580015749603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963501562677476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502611822391856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899906857080652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157569649575862,0.16279765967273374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716611858983155,0.0,0.3543632836818725,0.0
suicidewatch,DramaKlng,2019/01/16,"Friend Thread So many people here are lonely and want just a friend. Why is there no thread for that ? Would help a lot of people. Maybe they can meet up in person if they are near to each other and have a chat. Or maybe I am just too ""blue eyed"" and it's a opportunity for bad-minded people, don't know but maybe it's worth a try ",-0.07630281690140706,1.9831926901408463,1.4994190140845092,100.11983274647888,86.88732394366198,4.113380281690141,10.283450704225352,5.148860815047168,-1.8374380281690144,255,1,63,1,8,82,53,71,0.05,0.792,0.158,0.6369,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,8,1,1,0,0,13,10,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,7,9,2,3,0,1,2,0,8,3,0,3,0,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445901309601314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32285830815319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400503580209027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482982939568474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763620849134035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183581466154147,0.6297351936249386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109732729488019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345651395513446,0.1824413193013255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185885455104594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324023203488392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853892123535088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842739789981155,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LocalPhoenix,2019/01/16,"Just a Rant Sorry I don’t have anyone to let out too and this is me writing on the edge so my words maybe jumbled and I’m just done with life. Throw away account. 


You try to be this new you everyday seeing what could be better seeking, wishing and trying for the opportunity to be that guy your friends will remember for staying by their side. Trying to be open and telling them your stories.


You keep telling yourself to fight on that these are just the “failures” they tell you in class, keep persevering and you’ll get your reward soon enough at great heights only thing holding you back is yourself. 


But when you try your ‘memories’ hold you back telling you why you should keep your walls up. Like remember that time the people you try to mix with didn’t include you that time? Remember the time you talked and no one heard you? Remember the time you tried to make a joke that you thought it was really funny then nobody laughed?


You remember those experiences, the humiliation, the regret, the awkwardness and the feeling of being exposed. But all just because you were merely trying to shed yourself giving hints for cues that could lead you to finally telling more about yourself because you don’t wanna be a show off but you need someone to talk too. Telling your untold stories, just wanting someone to hear you, feel you, know you. That hey I’m trying to get through but I’m having trouble could I have someone or somebody to lean and rest for awhile. Or just lie and tell me it’s going to be ok when its not or just any type of physical affection like a hug, high five or just a pat on the back.  


Its true people have their own wars to fight too and you’re not any more special than them, and you keep telling yourself that but at the same time you try to reach out because of some awareness video you saw that reads “Your story is important to your loved ones, think twice, talk to someone today”. 


You try to do that but it fails, because the person you feel is busy or not worth to carry your burdens, maybe some other day yes? Maybe later, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, month, year, maybe before I suicide. 


You keep thinking maybe someone would wanna know my story someday at the same time you tell yourself you’re not worth it. You’re hard to comprehend and that you’re just making things up just smile because someone else have it harder than you. You’re just too much of an effort to try and maintain. 


You’re too much effort to maintain.... that’s what you feel and afraid to hear. Like a burden, like you’re holding people back if you tell or say your problems. Better to have never been there then to have been there at all. 


So you keep to yourself, every time you cry you build up the walls, every time you fail to reach out you build it higher. Every time you see people caring for one another but you yourself have yet to experience it you build the walls higher. You build it higher and higher that it becomes a mask, you become a fraction of your true wild self, either you’ll become numb or shut everyone out in the process. 


You’ll lose no matter where you try to matter in. Trying to excel in many things doing all the things painting, playing instruments, video editing and so and so forth. You try to be the most interesting thing keeping your mind away from the thoughts. 


So there you are today, still trapped, still lying in wake. Still waiting for the day to tear the walls down like in Berlin then celebrating it that hey I did it, you did it. But until that day comes you’re still suffering.",4.736411764705885,6.200224523529414,4.49870588235294,87.03217647058823,69.94117647058823,6.969411764705884,26.982352941176465,7.24861992348623,1.2632729411764705,2796,91,543,26,50,852,277,680,0.114,0.759,0.127,0.7128,0,1,0,0,2,1,65.0,0,62,5,11,38,38,3,2,31,2,44,5,1,4,6,115,83,44,2,13,32,0,5,5,1,6,2,4,0,3,41,25,0,11,15,6,3,4,10,15,0,5,12,12,75,23,79,53,16,79,0,5,3,2,95,34,0,11,45,368,116,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036870985473924,0.04654313519356332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031036086049539082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340519123391253,0.13652197285663462,0.0,0.13528804968890318,0.14706426854442156,0.03776965835827973,0.0,0.0,0.07851253786132939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525501422013657,0.0,0.0,0.03823505577729255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631707072186712,0.0,0.04875650677609106,0.08587689804706825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045422819500058935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0370792409832905,0.0,0.0,0.04586313928321459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219266963237218,0.042413220946905694,0.0,0.08683706516956101,0.0,0.0,0.08977263047646232,0.0,0.0,0.04862326185386073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03429291439296183,0.0,0.046380248273537684,0.04257959346776485,0.02522588157590905,0.0,0.0,0.04893629378020788,0.0,0.04394963214487315,0.0,0.0,0.03976160252934138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005366541779544,0.0,0.0,0.046896794201841056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761694420202455,0.0,0.0,0.04878733995417205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045388222849072096,0.031351510961039435,0.1084250554127808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049657161011978194,0.0,0.0,0.0400605662683771,0.0,0.05925669205911584,0.04500096342018072,0.3121455692874833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044817730910015285,0.0,0.03542889591010995,0.0,0.06525839713268318,0.03291204134130105,0.0342336197141219,0.04286877653895399,0.04720556639919347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902323618067106,0.0337579477529941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308809367217376,0.038756596231501086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247190405245478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044398530517653065,0.0,0.02843514058608085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514063663679799,0.0,0.0,0.03529794136993381,0.0,0.0,0.07074061763510604,0.0,0.04630481954783542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565132052156506,0.0,0.0,0.0496870739254248,0.0,0.04731012332809284,0.14178852530465338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048551647447885656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070286076696856,0.3879577392947643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744215430101182,0.056882178118012376,0.0,0.07047587596113676,0.23293922503283285,0.0,0.0841464598665669,0.0,0.0,0.42189745811169743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026180318859477792,0.0,0.035604188104235636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04005192942160549,0.0,0.051042306188052264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031530909511755294,0.0,0.0,0.028583462899365364
suicidewatch,FatOrangeTabby,2019/01/16,"Another day, another rejection from job interviews I know I’m not entitled to a job. I probably lack some kind of technical skills to get attention from companies, or maybe I lack people skills. But after so many “thank you for applying to company xyz, but we decided to move on with the process” type emails, I just don’t have any motivation to carry on. 

I see my friends and colleagues get all of these job offers and their biggest concern is choosing the right offer, when I have none. To make it worse, they come to me and ask my opinion on which offer to choose. It feels like I’m trapped in a vacuum state and am forced to watch everyone else move on with life. 

I promised myself that I will let go of life by the time I’m 30, not because of the age but because I’ve been fighting for every single shit in life with little to no result since I was in preschool. I fought for my parents’ attention, friends, grades, college applications, grad school, potential partners, etc. 

Fuck it all. I’m turning 28 this year and I’m going to start planning on erasing my tracks on this planet completely, not that anyone will remember me. It’s a permanent solution for permanent problem, the problem being my existence.",5.8848051948051925,6.7645962683982725,6.353662337662339,76.93906493506495,66.83549783549783,10.315844155844157,34.88051948051948,10.355215969177356,3.745464415584415,962,45,176,24,15,312,144,231,0.175,0.736,0.08900000000000001,-0.9694,4,1,0,0,2,0,26.0,1,1,2,4,3,13,4,0,8,0,11,5,1,3,2,37,31,11,0,4,8,1,1,1,3,2,3,0,1,1,10,10,0,0,9,0,0,5,6,7,0,0,3,3,22,6,35,24,8,25,0,1,2,1,16,12,2,3,8,110,32,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762686691821085,0.2702346380021234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009948990028316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046347197429907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570995034247286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109985007885392,0.13510363219393912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310180924992831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076431059364769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370910549231602,0.0,0.0,0.10856719377450673,0.12312794745589255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515373910248579,0.09205513901444368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910848868430855,0.11912579627609972,0.13464444918164206,0.0,0.14646428410119136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836107037283786,0.0,0.0,0.13418425902269,0.07081618533416663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317645440102943,0.2730455580659218,0.06295279739531827,0.12914810643926267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601274205746358,0.130640308275592,0.12945371546134402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739082222878517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307994022339518,0.0,0.0,0.08933290134393275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892914583810326,0.24659661557271495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596934246981247,0.11004278240483356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040969934888624,0.10268198048524044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226938816035758,0.1065914627188201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120532331458316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863379101675348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513728560190447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015891509522607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131582433947558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829793880164453
suicidewatch,stargutz,2019/01/16,"i don’t deserve anything i can’t shake the feeling of being ungrateful, undeserving, selfish. i’m trying to be better, and i think other people don’t notice it as much, but internally i feel so awful. i just want to sleep so i’m not tempted to do things i don’t deserve. isolating myself hurts but it’s what i need to do. my self hate is so bad and i don’t want to change it. i just want this vicious cycle of “improving” then falling back into self inflicted depressive episodes to stop. i’m sick of praying to god to let me go naturally.  i won’t be selfish enough to do it myself, to commit suicide (not saying suicidal thoughts/suicide is a “selfish act”. this is referring to me only). i don’t know. i’m tired.",1.4701598173515968,3.67198715753425,4.0470958904109615,83.38306392694066,81.53424657534245,6.633059360730593,26.85662100456621,7.793537801064563,1.8573448401826491,559,25,109,10,15,196,82,146,0.371,0.513,0.115,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,2,1,2,1,17,3,1,0,1,20,31,9,2,4,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,0,0,4,9,9,0,0,0,3,16,1,16,26,2,8,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500347862671386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261483479129607,0.13697926724691092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450935220817703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354868392567094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130053208292928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951291076800068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165902510569471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323636976124383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197057846301322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562452036110826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016046582845283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775759117188846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059947294170395,0.12164487678501705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677797050792644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477139756672645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373524231741193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046330624658287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422907749803052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417371206713552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371575209789996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383493940951186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899100731474133,0.1051199692640438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855735722414507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113827345692606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902920814447184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Callme_Dave,2019/01/16,"Idealizing Suicide Recently I've been on a slippery slope and have lashing out at my family members for minor things. I've completely disassociated from everything and everyone. I noticed on my Facebook feed today that a 55 year old man had committed suicide and not left any kind of clues as to why he did it. Nothing really came to mind in terms of thoughts, I only felt jealous of him. I felt that he was almost, lucky. How can a mind tear itself apart like this. I know something is wrong. I know I'm not going to fix it. So I let it get worse. And the thought of suicide gets so normal I start to envy it.        I want it so bad",2.1082808398950164,4.18218286614173,4.146948818897639,84.18110564304463,78.60629921259844,7.067979002624672,26.33136482939633,8.07648339933343,1.7592577427821534,492,20,99,9,12,168,89,127,0.205,0.7170000000000001,0.078,-0.9674,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,1,23,21,9,3,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,6,1,0,6,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,9,2,11,4,16,11,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,7,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623009738712248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930686521608403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193074003185743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702186872429392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311192405189838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953997115688566,0.13124427434506794,0.0,0.13766610833683127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28042751726136617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259153541864662,0.0,0.08299343244682693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520700053937117,0.16051089396272353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586643511658912,0.14932776067986614,0.0,0.07134392893160812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29490167164287745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308049504204914,0.14012178016943566,0.16625856323664553,0.15323616932254422,0.0,0.0,0.1110640255703597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355193047448072,0.0,0.14418912422888705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242267852925764,0.0,0.0,0.10336230277232886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792063889449676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701726725365943,0.0,0.0,0.2318664199350496,0.0,0.0,0.1384213969204739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613354178176663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317712956359706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881923007233694,0.0,0.15966322437596714,0.0,0.0940399125436462
suicidewatch,brokenmanual,2019/01/16,"I see no way out of my depression, please someone talk to me. I am divorced at 32 after 1.5 years of a marriage I couldn’t handle. Left everything with my ex. A week after the divorce, I was let go from my job. I moved in back to my parents three months ago. I thought it would be fine, I could rest for a bit and start over. I’ve been seeing a psychologist twice a week and a psychiatrist every month for a year now. I am financially ruined and I can’t really see myself hunting for jobs. I don’t know where to start fixing my life. I miss my cat, our good days with my ex. The thought of ending my life has been hovering over my head lately. I am scared. I don’t want to live but I don’t want to die, either. Please, someone, show me a way out of this.",0.8751138716356124,2.588168229813668,2.9612173913043485,92.9493623188406,80.98757763975155,6.032463768115942,20.05010351966874,7.03164865440522,0.20706674948240167,579,15,136,7,15,196,95,161,0.1,0.828,0.07200000000000001,-0.7227,3,1,0,0,2,1,22.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,10,0,16,3,1,0,0,17,28,4,1,5,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,4,0,2,5,3,27,2,23,18,3,28,0,3,3,0,8,8,0,0,16,90,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075422619026595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474773417190164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148721165539806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876366178899873,0.0,0.0,0.08785311550874549,0.0,0.11732940476702243,0.0,0.14137885218688812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065390015919154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147744712325902,0.0,0.12242921509136558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741915480052428,0.11425810459388624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980497350899135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703623083478532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486506691256709,0.0,0.1536664394008978,0.0,0.14800761460380488,0.13929811889027616,0.19243787163744167,0.0,0.0,0.12028815771924738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746515923518286,0.14478439704650914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126046747822378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990657661392879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726848828588986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638384105090207,0.0,0.3256583210519341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308440567522197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283988824047088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094915727765518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629304547074774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069671558631785,0.21625630723682532,0.21854111556769024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676951654380142,0.0,0.0,0.17544738979940006
suicidewatch,david1619911,2019/01/16,"i just wanna die i hate life. im nothing and feel like i dont have a future and it makes me sad and depressed all the time, currently work with family which is depressing as hell, have plans to become a lorry driver this year it was my goal but after researching alot ive found the pay to not even be close to what i was expecting its terrible. The only thing keeping me alive right now is the fact ive found this amazing girl who always says she loves me and she even insists on paying for dinner and cinema everytime we go out shes perfect but i feel like a loser compared to her, i feel like im a worthlessloser compared to everyone i took the day off work today just so i could try my suicide method which didnt work anyway :(. i just hate being depressed and having suicidal thoughts everyday it would be so much easier if i wasnt around anymore",4.20995183044316,5.156489450867057,5.447528901734106,81.68416425818884,70.67630057803468,8.772447013487477,27.133429672447015,9.075114841892004,2.106044701348748,677,22,134,13,12,226,111,173,0.254,0.631,0.115,-0.9775,1,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,7,10,15,3,0,10,0,18,3,0,1,3,34,31,12,3,5,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,11,1,1,6,1,2,2,4,9,0,0,8,4,22,6,14,18,3,17,1,5,0,1,9,6,1,2,12,93,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689964337857724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274104745194503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436801059752533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188809016260429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257505963694856,0.0,0.0,0.08285431378803396,0.0,0.3319602473800398,0.0,0.1333344607559014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056913948366998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971011697114047,0.0,0.0,0.12276124535274037,0.0,0.0,0.12111270170246655,0.0,0.19487909082072286,0.2753429357030653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817275407375009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301404062794414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536805417609879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775452934490878,0.0,0.0,0.1141925084202857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074412278391418,0.18829593036438225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595169842908963,0.0,0.08575657719755916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444227440024636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327309581641707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770933718752718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971505080060924,0.0,0.1021667099130613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810567352142813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535160535032951,0.0,0.0,0.10199303551061244,0.0749135102428193,0.0,0.12177717200699625,0.0,0.14273798394242082,0.08722458336716582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805891383622729,0.0,0.0,0.09126337571987783,0.0,0.0,0.08273225715190448
suicidewatch,dudewhynot,2019/01/16,"Feel so lonely it physically hurts my chest I have friends i talk to occasionally, but it feels like there’s this huge void making me feel so so so lonely. Like I I’m torn between wanting to be so alone that i just end up finally getting it over with and holding onto hope that i meet someone I can talk deeper to. Idk probably sounds stupid but I need to rant somewhere about this. Anyone have ways to distract themselves from loneliness besides the obvious?",3.819886363636364,6.164727579545456,4.522727272727273,82.22909090909094,74.3409090909091,7.127272727272729,29.181818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.152040909090909,369,16,67,6,8,118,63,88,0.268,0.584,0.14800000000000002,-0.9042,0,5,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,1,1,0,4,1,1,1,1,14,13,8,0,3,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,9,4,12,12,0,7,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530440346995156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083570847754778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639688144779892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706098178309271,0.17454377277758829,0.0,0.26764294228450186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887626653931298,0.0,0.12764822472342713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426669951119105,0.0,0.0,0.2615518847956949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387268952482476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308691363009792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116175767166387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634205707901387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070133411188097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927537338187824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410751772591554,0.1939315281881545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToastyAlligator,2019/01/16,I feel so empty I feel so empty and emotionally drained. I have friends but I know they don’t care. I have one friend who says he’ll be there for me but he always makes excuses to get out of seeing me. I irritate people and I’m insensitive towards them. I just want everything to stop. I want to disappear for a while to see how everyone reacts. Then I want to come back and see if anyone treats me differently. I have lost so many good friends and family members to suicide I think I should die too. ,1.0135294117647078,3.4307051568627465,3.1112745098039234,87.89573529411769,85.66666666666667,6.929411764705884,22.225490196078432,8.07648339933343,1.372866666666666,394,14,83,9,12,133,67,102,0.251,0.557,0.192,-0.8006,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,1,8,7,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,3,0,22,23,13,2,5,4,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,6,17,6,11,19,0,8,0,1,3,0,10,2,0,1,4,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559790477057638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235052769119305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454930652169045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840441805929275,0.0,0.0,0.15073032221868765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160227205832105,0.1828175196451216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968296613332423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720149427521452,0.15726131088911804,0.0,0.16495616871736696,0.0,0.17695093210995858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055688109657855,0.0,0.0914201591279606,0.0,0.0,0.1467654537745031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616478022574668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101203204822612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680093184261266,0.1774028984287133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857140603201854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130953939597285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915162324691172,0.0,0.0,0.4183107310812801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629164501378747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140041292718984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212052476356962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096243343121261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yyy3456g,2019/01/16,"Back in September last year I tried to kill myself because of social anxiety around girls which left me in coma for two weeks in a half and hospitalized for in total of a month and a half. And I'm already feeling suicidal again. Pretty much the title. I tried to kill myself using antidepressants, because of my social anxiety around girls which led to me commiting many faults and the fact that I commited many wrongdoing when I was in middle and high school which led to people who hated me to make contact with people from my university which led to many girs to be turned off by me as well. And since I feel so sorry and don't want to be remembered as that guy and I don't think there is a way for myself or my life to get better I think that the only way for me is suicide...",8.354285714285716,6.0623603885350335,8.564786169244769,73.60503184713377,62.94904458598725,11.773976342129213,33.25659690627843,10.290406445055957,3.0733373976342127,619,17,123,11,7,205,88,157,0.165,0.777,0.058,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,3,0,7,0,7,2,0,5,4,27,18,13,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,4,1,3,1,2,18,2,29,15,2,23,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,7,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142587323481466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769180648040394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005000070457796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993551243727709,0.0,0.15753140065862867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427644650617393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066571892608364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750730654173062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279389998993615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275689078308488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651829732935838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859051973197046,0.0,0.0,0.10532404210759268,0.0,0.0,0.140387905030435,0.0,0.09126540455372524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862492078932234,0.3929983920348207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313482250173514,0.0,0.09498480028990176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827063079700386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915698989273404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145382894628607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463706407162906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076822109589809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688450347898826,0.0,0.0,0.2634282638240545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464090450154185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28267127230886196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655861181392114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754512941183153,0.1405442393414295,0.1262201700313525,0.0,0.0,0.11159663935198803,0.0,0.0,0.07621187364861044,0.20512302697306994,0.10364510454306554,0.0,0.116176020805816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320751456919534
suicidewatch,UsefulJaguar5,2019/01/16,"loneliness hurts Just hit 20yo last week. what's the point of my birthday if nobody cares. Sure i still live with my old parents but whatever, if i spent most of my free time alone in my room. playing computer games just to skip the evening and go to sleep. no friends, no gf,  no plans for the future. Always standing in the back. nobody really cares about me and when someone sees me i have to put a smile on my face just to hide my pain. talking to other people is difficult for me. i just want to end it",2.3091154261057163,4.1057569126213584,3.1937216828478974,92.54898597626757,76.96116504854369,6.519525350593313,23.09492988133765,7.3871296695380915,0.7586081984897524,394,12,86,5,9,125,73,103,0.192,0.624,0.184,-0.0141,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,5,0,2,3,2,0,1,13,9,6,0,3,7,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,13,7,15,7,1,17,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,3,9,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426703177378004,0.0,0.0,0.17214213355307906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907924450717573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218593283799567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183235765774846,0.0,0.0,0.1366434007524916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983627541949946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757562827888997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147112093181665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863618411925232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268031670961804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708752550621055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201366974040428,0.0,0.22971762664335274,0.0,0.0,0.14342571045146088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557006090324366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797323294331754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253370390828612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485791662534968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070310908994096,0.0,0.17529017900687652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521597962063647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498353828091747,0.0,0.0,0.16628366059557792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063437330169498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202417700178422,0.0,0.16594800753021574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hayleybts,2019/01/16,"I'm really feel very low my head hurts, I just feel like I might do something. I'm terrified.",-1.7385000000000022,-0.2568038499999989,1.1099999999999994,96.01000000000002,112.5,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,0.4134999999999995,73,2,17,2,4,25,15,20,0.402,0.495,0.103,-0.8051,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883655184130019,0.2743590949530124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941370454511415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111240249587146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876231213493676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074070013061575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460266131503259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29565366208435423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168741926520534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AshyDay,2019/01/16,"I don’t want to die but I don’t know whether I can stop myself from hurting myself, I need someone to talk to me, please... One of the closest and only friends I have doesn’t want to move in with me. My boyfriend, the only person I really trust, lives in another city. I don’t even know how to explain things properly, I’m sitting outside my house in the cold and sobbing as I write this because at least I can see people walking by when I’m outside and if I go back inside I’ll feel so incredibly alone I won’t be able to take it. Academics are crushing me. My medication isn’t working but my psychiatrist says I should stick to it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to die but I’m scared I will... please talk to me, someone, *anyone*, please just talk to me and keep me alive because I don’t want to die, just for a little while till I feel a little stronger again, please ",1.335910815939279,3.0860480053763446,3.0146932321315627,92.9361574952562,79.6989247311828,5.6667931688804565,23.84440227703985,6.522977012572876,0.527106641366224,683,24,155,6,17,226,99,186,0.16899999999999998,0.68,0.151,-0.8228,0,1,0,0,0,4,24.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,0,17,1,0,1,0,28,35,15,3,7,7,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,5,5,0,2,6,0,0,3,9,3,0,1,0,5,29,2,23,31,1,17,0,2,1,0,8,7,1,1,6,99,34,2,0.11644242604066594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059923617983773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210003650579652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141925170889291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953703806326166,0.0,0.14196444426973232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36254656302608507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769091242051849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177535786191872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996312951109185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661769141356716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435892579154485,0.12465402539607112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349937847124162,0.0,0.0,0.19198113635828706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334118028313537,0.1028207955180473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173034938714414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375987100632795,0.0,0.08634058347253085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890440143882739,0.1771194242012034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072651674784341,0.10167303502496186,0.0,0.51127526715351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459599980037611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259969084429916,0.1165791820121693,0.0,0.09278953770268956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973225794286028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735108211668904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755021294385852,0.2807760338723476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735917379771404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747230391920575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477147298020565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,little-kid-loverr,2019/01/16,"Having a tough year - Talk some sense into me Last year i owned 4 businesses. This year I own none. I found out last night my wife has had multiple affairs, one of which was with one of my best friends (a groomsman at our wedding). I have life insurance to help take care of my final expenses and maybe help my son for a couple years. I’m sure my wife will be able to find a good replacement for me.

I’ve been researching ways to kill myself for a while now. 

What keeps you going?",2.621836734693876,4.1633407244897995,3.5160714285714287,91.67267857142859,75.42857142857143,7.348979591836735,22.45408163265306,8.07648339933343,0.9118734693877548,373,10,83,6,8,119,72,98,0.059,0.741,0.2,0.9313,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,1,0,1,1,7,1,0,5,0,8,1,0,0,1,9,14,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,4,0,14,5,13,8,5,15,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,10,53,17,1,0.18478835253988185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939239754552349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840404091251806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446479735474127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242660782412653,0.16889320649818185,0.0,0.0,0.20261089065497626,0.142767022784985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501947919767024,0.15499170288644906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477194750723712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424837824937738,0.20444093341320102,0.0,0.0,0.30125434138574875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052147823974553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564473736902196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341135095237806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250434740082353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416083538851468,0.0,0.1389378439157684,0.14852587811316964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667639305634064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759905620462511
suicidewatch,1randomperson11,2019/01/16,Worthless I really should kill myself,6.690000000000001,10.627188000000004,6.416666666666668,59.74500000000001,85.66666666666666,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.879866666666668,32,1,3,1,1,10,6,6,0.7240000000000001,0.276,0.0,-0.835,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8653902899733025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5010984394506964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,odd_thoughts34,2019/01/16,"Want to kill myself but can’t. Does that mean I’m fine? I’ve had an accident take everything away from me. I face a long road and I’m getting there slowly, and I’ve felt like it would be easier to just kill myself. My girlfriend has been with me through everything and I’m thankful for her; I just feel like I’m weighing her down. Everyone would be freer. 

But I can’t do it. I thought about doing it, but I can’t bring myself to commit it. I thought about cutting but I can’t. I can’t kill myself. I thought about hoarding cyanide (apples, cherries) and even seeing about overdosing on nutmeg, but it’s complicated and probably nothing would happen. I don’t want a cry for help, I just want to do it. 

I don’t want to go to my therapist. I don’t want people to think I’m suicidal. I can’t tell my mom; there’s some history there but if I told her, she’ll accuse me of being “dramatic”. 

So I want to do it, but I can’t. So is that it? I just keep living my life and taking up resources that could be better used? 

I need some sort of direction. ",0.0615837104072412,2.242318981900457,2.354864253393668,93.31881221719459,87.68778280542986,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.5173764705882355,809,26,182,13,26,274,105,221,0.149,0.6809999999999999,0.17,-0.6474,0,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,0,1,14,10,4,0,3,0,27,3,1,1,1,43,57,16,4,12,12,1,2,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,11,7,1,1,7,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,7,3,34,6,23,41,2,8,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,4,3,123,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678215804107656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993156983494473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992419198519231,0.0,0.13653562795360275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877410628866452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209772378452332,0.0,0.0,0.1187721627005564,0.22342223775441367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284885487920723,0.08879858857683402,0.11934567002465846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494062784022903,0.0,0.07064147555663122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991640069193268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833143973714099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048186380243548,0.4125522991777669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087795425049993,0.12145154774662938,0.0,0.10975750090749983,0.10999990843064747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539707181526714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557643425301092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216546731713464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926738076693785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617265301799322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401437654309606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904949399872967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596194868763053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691340653848013,0.0,0.10864201940744024,0.11443699192235113,0.0,0.14431967616445426,0.0,0.07964520453011585,0.0,0.2960364251726696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187721627005564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735365096958477,0.0,0.0,0.4398854444499148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648934151439358,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychshit420,2019/01/16,"my close friend killed himself and i’m lost all I can say is that everything feels like it’s surrounded by darkness now, things always feel off, and I think I’ve permanently lost any feelings of happiness and hope. knowing that the last moments of his life were the worst he’s ever felt just kills me inside. the fact that he was able to go through with this despite his family and friends is heartbreaking. he mattered to me. and I can’t help but to think that this was impulsive as fuck, I just wish I could’ve known that he was getting worse. he’s always felt like this to some degree, and all I ever wanted to do was help him. 
One of my closest friends just killed himself this past October and I have no idea what to do with myself. it’s a complicated situation because he moved around a couple years ago and hasn’t been home since (hospitalized, etc.), yet we still talked over the phone nearly every day from January-July 2018. we told each other everything, and it was nice knowing that we were always there for one another and ready to listen. he was a selfless, kind, funny, amazing guy-but sadly couldn’t find lasting happiness in anything other than drugs after the suicide of his best friend in our hometown two years ago. he never had anything or anyone constant in his life, and I knew this would always be hard on him, so I tried my best to be a rock for him. and he was for me. after his friend passed in 2016, he was sent away twice and didn’t end up coming back until January of 2018, where he went to live with his Dad (Arizona) until the end of his life. but he never wanted to be there. his dad just figured that after everything that happened here in Indiana with his best friend, there was no point of sending him back here (and he was 17 by this time and still had no say). But despite his age, he always knew that Indiana was his home.
Even with him living all the way out in Arizona this past year, I still made an effort to stay in contact with him daily. we got closer than ever, and even ended up admitting feelings for one another later into our friendship. however, we knew it would have to be long distance until we became adults and he could move back home, so we decided to carry out our friendship with an open mind towards the future. (not to say it wasn’t possible, just that we didn’t want to hold back from any other realistic opportunities as well.) furthermore, he was supposed to come back down to Indiana this summer to visit, but he just got into a new relationship in about June and decided to stay in Arizona for the Summer because of it. completely understandable. he seemed happy, and that’s all I ever wanted. after he started dating his gf,  we still talked regularly for some time. but after it being about about 3 months or so into their relationship, I figured I should probably let him do his own thing. I don’t think he ever saw the problem with talking to me, but I didn’t want to cause any trouble for him with his girlfriend when things finally seemed so good for him. all throughout us talking daily for nearly 8 months he seemed to be doing better-only smoking cigs, weed, and occasionally tripping (much better than his previous drug history) and the new relationship was confirmation that he was finally making sense of his once chaotic life. at one point in June I asked him straight up if he ever felt suicidal anymore, and he said that it was no where near what he used to feel. I guess by this point, I assumed he was finally gaining constant things in his life and people who could bring him natural positivity and happiness. however, 2 and a half months after we stopped talking regularly, he ended his life. 
he and his girlfriend had broken up probably two weeks before he did it, I know that he removed her on every social media, but I’m honestly still not sure what happened between them. I don’t think the end of the relationship directly caused it, but I definitely think that it may have contributed. I also found out from my brother that he started to pick up coke and other drugs after we stopped talking regularly as well. I just feel fucking retarded now. I should have said something. I knew that things were changing towards September but even after I found out he and his girlfriend broke up, I thought I should still wait a bit to spark things back up. my initial plan was to reach out to him on his 18th birthday, because I knew it was a big deal. it would be a huge milestone for him. I can confidently say that he has lived an extremely hard life, and if he could have finally had his own freedom, maybe something could have been different. 
the morning after it happened and the moment I found out was surreal. I woke up to a call from my brother telling me to look at his Facebook. it was one of the worst feelings i’ve ever felt. it honestly took a while for him to even convince me that it’s true. it was a fucked up situation that only got shittier, because being 17 at the time, I wasn’t even able to go to his services or wake because it was too far and intervened with school. it killed me. I felt that I couldn’t be there for him when he really needed it, and now I couldn’t even go to his wake. I feel indefinitely terrible about the whole situation, and this is all I ever think about. if this is all that is going to be on my mind, I just don’t think I see the point. it’s too much to handle. I’ve been trying to for 3 months now, but every second just feels like I found out 5 minutes ago. he’s been such an important person in my life for a while, and I can’t move on from this. no matter what I do for “help”: therapy, more drugs, etc; nothing will bring him back. what’s the point.
this is honestly way too long of a story to try to explain in one post, and this is probably confusing as fuck, but basically idk what to do with myself. I literally had plans to live with him this year. it feels so damaging to have known so much about someone, and cared for them so deeply, just to have everything disappear in an instant. I wish he could have just waited until he was 18 to see if anything changed. he was only a month away. 
I’m tripping on acid for the first time this week, one of the many things I was supposed to do with him, and I’m worried that I’m going to be thinking of him and feel depressed the whole trip. but at the same time, any drug is better than feeling what I do when I’m sober. my life is one bad trip. i’ve been a weed smoker for a while, but recently I have been getting into drugs more than ever before, and everything has just gotten significantly more fucked up. being newly graduated from HS, everyone is asking me about future plans and what I’m doing myself. I give some bullshit answer, but in reality, even a month from now is unimaginable. I wish I could have just done it before him, i’ve always had thoughts and considered it, but it didn’t start constantly running through my mind until now. 
this is just too heavy on me. I feel myself becoming this weak, easily angered, depressed, hopeless person...and it’s inevitable. I imagine nearly every way to end my life every day now, and I’m just tired. my heart hurts. I miss you, and I’m so fucking sorry. you know I always loved you",6.795641168599468,6.2177833269774005,7.092982456140351,77.39428635147192,64.95338983050847,10.051501635444543,32.685251263752605,9.414487439383343,2.7660545197740096,5685,199,1106,92,76,1850,448,1416,0.121,0.7509999999999999,0.128,0.7654,3,0,9,0,0,4,157.0,15,3,3,14,87,64,11,1,47,0,120,29,3,6,21,252,239,89,6,30,39,4,20,3,10,8,18,7,3,2,88,84,1,5,58,1,0,25,24,30,2,14,79,32,149,34,193,130,30,219,0,11,4,7,161,75,6,19,116,796,237,3,0.059556793006331175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919025532327398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023813772924943192,0.17344607971768558,0.0,0.0,0.08100132306751869,0.06245049031958156,0.0,0.0,0.0295321676373035,0.02082174721721891,0.0,0.07351524911485928,0.02650908627449944,0.05567756188483164,0.0,0.055955567519188516,0.16028424160150812,0.02486371723569037,0.09076317057623083,0.032887899367953326,0.07601766642496785,0.0,0.09375176984701683,0.07900971537397873,0.032510296444380964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030407072254056363,0.0,0.030361059861068563,0.061181232091175736,0.06300319005176158,0.05130290365610545,0.031222082175866767,0.09653960295226036,0.0,0.16642938562320694,0.03294922933659908,0.0,0.03840920447852865,0.03070021922976113,0.05129617854692937,0.0,0.0,0.03111208633719425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03047363846117558,0.0,0.0,0.20720091557092032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582489236327099,0.0,0.06642156732930063,0.13767845030516296,0.24242638034238456,0.1254479169281344,0.02845453398392158,0.1338145132747716,0.0,0.02807242201376432,0.0,0.1957390761651387,0.042547384823732916,0.1429596525960467,0.13048311125078438,0.027216914922754243,0.025329488853291744,0.0,0.13060189898021302,0.1380402916190362,0.16517788634692845,0.031115966229826764,0.02856615136272674,0.08461874488082857,0.0249767061604026,0.07144951197561737,0.0,0.03280426099434392,0.02948529429096288,0.07899881304925391,0.126798627218611,0.053351188387349736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03528754323364027,0.05987949442324059,0.0,0.08961047902415191,0.02957666681756033,0.0,0.0,0.031878389348084464,0.03361618501319393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178153477701796,0.0310096175349323,0.06546171178316998,0.04854673523943398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03045042797257658,0.21033362101995,0.043644661099618315,0.0,0.1051794787112394,0.052705887667623616,0.025006353181855016,0.0,0.06501327492095102,0.0,0.026876165470329408,0.028177038782800836,0.019877310898901452,0.030190620150063456,0.029916401775959632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020307480474353,0.0,0.14261299191811447,0.09494916849430793,0.06567164332812796,0.02208030368640526,0.04593387032630901,0.05752032180738208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028573174572582318,0.0,0.0,0.03171302041414505,0.16142889713203115,0.04529562481319161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685369791613945,0.02064459068550484,0.05200269444053299,0.0,0.0,0.1407510496192768,0.033570667771026866,0.028519472340950282,0.0,0.0963184439428009,0.028493903793236918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01907680331934929,0.0,0.029402574054354043,0.1278834143624417,0.0,0.0,0.056652148517388826,0.09472390446654153,0.0,0.03013732705391812,0.04745905318206162,0.08132740133437627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02463299730887722,0.10041649600638704,0.0,0.030355325153078757,0.025231138722583046,0.045849728937920886,0.0,0.0333344768920638,0.06323190694051879,0.06347961706129049,0.14268639548250564,0.049792145729952005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514546509026838,0.0,0.028065786291386667,0.0,0.0,0.14360848274179772,0.026027631079722644,0.0,0.034054191614358666,0.0,0.1384841041349293,0.15264635264222232,0.0,0.04728144108869221,0.08682011236258508,0.034225886201299766,0.0,0.02845453398392158,0.03308489420432066,0.06065272956109723,0.0,0.0581783328266954,0.031000360951352977,0.0358197444760532,0.02571897354023508,0.0,0.0,0.08782034894608287,0.07091011522184333,0.04777286693930383,0.0,0.053548709395994064,0.027604871895422725,0.0,0.06649303249587413,0.10273105910988052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030241407126729118,0.030346730076311893,0.06346115547574227,0.0,0.0,0.07670524409983448
suicidewatch,RyRyWright,2019/01/16,"The world would be a better place if I was gone. I can't sleep at night when I think of all the bad things I've done. I don't want forgiveness, or to be presented with well rationed arguments to the contrary. All I hope and yearn for is the strength and sensibility to end my life to bring justice for all those people I've wronged.",5.147608695652174,4.89559734782609,5.502717391304348,86.33494565217394,68.27536231884058,9.218840579710145,30.29347826086957,8.841846274778883,1.9792000000000003,263,9,60,4,4,84,50,69,0.16,0.648,0.192,0.521,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,5,0,8,2,1,0,3,14,13,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,3,0,6,5,9,7,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,4,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414440127886633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557464564174997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959202553902792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25611787904426564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28721003595932304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424859646702215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27136549111415026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200473355220304,0.0,0.3021200289672193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893778060912623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211101572411968,0.1852878009456869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055935162909816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25999763337205234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541734084548188,0.3161608760681528,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BasedStickguy,2019/01/16,"Maybe I can just add to the statistics About everyone I know, that I’ve shared my writing and thoughts with, have told me that I’m a very smart and talented person, that I have so much creativity and that I’m a phenomenal poet. 

Maybe I should just kill myself, be one of the statistics that everyone reads over, thinks “Wow, what a waste/loss” for half a second, then keeps reading the newspaper.

I could just be remembered as a good person and a great mind and leave it at that before I fail anymore. Anyone who hears about me will be told just that and see my memory as “one of the ones who died too young”

Or some other cliché bullshit",6.335238095238098,5.9815312539682575,6.414126984126984,81.13642857142857,65.82539682539682,10.374603174603177,29.11111111111111,9.957137785484203,2.4123777777777766,502,14,104,10,7,160,80,126,0.122,0.713,0.165,0.7036,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,0,10,0,9,0,0,0,0,23,19,11,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,12,8,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,2,11,6,11,10,2,4,0,1,1,0,9,2,0,2,2,74,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032506050227865,0.1130376856640578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756228031870282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907378851185494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677794197718432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089495453611012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559424338550902,0.0,0.17823269935073774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220459182548135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369243102217946,0.1788548236256191,0.0,0.0888450945348363,0.0,0.0,0.17117649844545968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32482200315582016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632323280292578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884002013414385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32863864774546736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823136870565732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234110853146753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313129928874333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882351993667665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358635041363924,0.0,0.12834140717805514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089495453611012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338791120359614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SecretAardvarkThief,2019/01/16,"Needed someone to listen My dream used to be that I wanted to end up being a counselor. More specifically, I wanted to help people who felt hopeless and suicidal. It was always something I felt so passionately about when I was in my early 20s... and, in some way, I still do.

But, now, everything feels hopeless for me. I think of killing myself almost constantly. I wake up every night crying. I spend my days cycling through numb, emotional, and just dread. 

I have a large family that does care. I'm sure they do. And I have a boyfriend I love very much. Those things do help me keep afloat... largely due to a death in the family that I saw tear everyone apart. I couldn't imagine putting them through that again. 

Usually, though... that's still just not enough. 

​

I have no one else to talk to about this. I hope this was okay. ",2.469132352941177,5.0159403250000025,3.0518382352941202,89.94580882352942,80.125,6.264705882352942,23.161764705882355,7.5105763829236425,1.0549595588235294,652,22,129,10,17,203,107,160,0.16699999999999998,0.6729999999999999,0.16,-0.4869,0,0,1,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,2,0,11,11,1,1,5,1,12,4,1,1,1,23,27,8,3,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,4,0,1,5,1,1,1,3,5,0,1,6,5,23,6,18,18,4,20,0,2,1,2,8,6,0,3,12,90,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642739706108315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167438865507604,0.15843925116462956,0.17768445449103984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909039065454902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802179045187198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062588350627735,0.09430572131932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279661373891343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215571287817975,0.16448814115591415,0.12951564686819994,0.15109382839031224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320438764127327,0.13972824423681698,0.1314213545289711,0.0,0.27570370624763696,0.0,0.07393786510991096,0.0,0.2808058816248857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602866866549115,0.0,0.0,0.1452385664488562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299752105048866,0.16178091765296948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197754056029473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749526974706222,0.10842708118363358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722617589411448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908867413752924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137689870806943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700071070744122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389950634208954,0.1125743638403936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335576177832365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995098465147192,0.0,0.13781926788318175,0.0,0.0,0.11753347265244934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714816694900072,0.09369775154244236,0.14366942303062555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262950578765699,0.16105077832518908,0.12065438460581468,0.17249951341230274,0.11606991354672712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768445449103984,0.0
suicidewatch,abouttoendit,2019/01/16,"I have had enough of it all I have no idea where to begin, might need a new beginning actually. My life as it is right now can end and if something doesn't happen soon i'll do it myself. I know what you're going to say: ""you have to do someting yourself, things don't just happen"". But everything i have tried has failed, and it has only put me deeper than i already was. I got bullied in school not only by students, also by teachers, that is why i have no diploma, i kept trying, but i kept failing. I have never done in school what i wanted to do either. My parents didn't support me in those things. Still i found a job i really liked, i like physical work, but my body is breaking apart. Lost my job because of it, and can't find another because of it too. I have 1 maybe 2 real friends, although i'm not sure they would do for me, what i would do for them. I have nobody to talk to about this. I look strong on the outside, yet i'm dead on the inside. There's a lot of people around me, yet i feel so alone. I don't feel like doing anything, even ending it myself. Bc i think off others always. Yet nobody thinks of me... i'm so tired",2.0127276697968988,3.21459560580913,3.751862852151124,90.75554706267744,76.34439834024897,6.069534832932956,22.227778991046076,6.339386263674448,0.3194929460580913,875,23,195,6,19,294,141,241,0.14400000000000002,0.773,0.083,-0.9192,3,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,2,5,16,10,0,0,5,0,31,3,1,0,3,32,53,12,1,5,8,1,2,3,1,3,2,1,0,0,16,4,0,2,8,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,9,4,35,7,25,41,4,25,0,3,1,0,7,10,0,3,15,143,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.1199821887572838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733988915729558,0.13567920163926536,0.09832366430319636,0.10230486708329843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892457371425112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117798494058552,0.10945222783695334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989926279986746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657055758282885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258212970954811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177957281646197,0.12704098373896153,0.0,0.08120780580126309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050019938959874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433517926168312,0.08783603496121785,0.0,0.0,0.1123747511437198,0.0,0.0,0.13480914293971608,0.09499143861162453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987574032593369,0.0,0.09833494048814986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744987096577675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387964225916253,0.0,0.0,0.24401928050894545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757051260175682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684374546622002,0.18020256681337612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324765770839077,0.0,0.1342152593527817,0.10452832445681122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352054647745488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043130797723776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911664176112454,0.0948271922375638,0.11874659319685167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701915998665328,0.0,0.0,0.13652224923302994,0.0,0.0,0.08523856386118261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359945536860345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994486223243702,0.0787653939365963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499926224677228,0.0,0.09777536526457922,0.0,0.24886543073914455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465348835510984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818862172934786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952304548132766,0.11587961968131248,0.0,0.0,0.0988231494767054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336602003036207,0.1575637424360067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131379164244826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695096682730864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251953343117565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109439212816044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950960482786856,0.0,0.0,0.17468135959125766,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway34097828474,2019/01/16,"I tried to kill myself yesterday Throwaway.

I tried to kill myself at 8.30 am yesterday morning. I have a chronic illness, I’ve been depressed since I had to leave work. I’m pregnant. I feel like I’m drowning all the time. I’ve never had panic attacks before but I have them a lot lately. 

My husband and I had a fight yesterday morning and something in me just snapped, I’d been thinking about suicide everyday for a while but yesterday was different. I was sick of it, I was done being in pain, done relying on others so heavily, done being a burden. My husband took our son to school, I ran a bath and sat in it with a razor. I cut my wrists and waited. Nothing, I cut them again to try and hurry it along. I don’t think I cut them deep enough, I felt weak, like I couldn’t even do that right. 

It hurt, it wasn’t quick enough, my husband came home early and found me in the bath, I tried to hide everything but he knew something was wrong, he came into the bathroom, grabbed the razor and grabbed my arms, he cried. The cry instantly snapped me out of whatever it was that was going on with me, it sounded like his soul was in pain. He couldn’t believe I’d done it, he was so hurt. 

Everything has been crazy since, my parents and sister know. My mum came over instantly, she was there to just listen. My father has been radio silent. My sister doesn’t know how to talk to me. My husband won’t leave me alone for a minute, I understand, but he’s been like this since I got sick, I have seizures and he’s formed a habit of treating me like a toddler, obviously this has amplified that. 

When my son came home from school yesterday and I held him I couldn’t believe how selfish I had been.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to tell my doctor I’ve been contemplating suicide, we’ve decided not to tell them I’ve tried, we don’t want child services involved. It’s going to be 37°C and I’ll be wearing long sleeves. 

What do you do after you’ve unsuccessfully tried to kill yourself? How do you move on?",2.935061949544707,4.531673413793103,4.059905956112853,87.86811389759666,74.71428571428572,7.088699805941186,27.081355426183013,7.793537801064563,1.5136183908045977,1570,60,327,22,33,511,183,406,0.241,0.7140000000000001,0.045,-0.9982,2,1,2,0,1,4,51.0,2,2,4,1,13,24,8,1,16,0,48,12,3,3,3,51,73,22,6,4,7,11,4,5,0,1,9,2,4,1,16,21,0,2,10,3,0,9,10,18,0,0,37,6,56,6,36,28,5,40,1,3,0,0,36,14,0,1,22,207,72,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236388966187401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047113860557147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766989564465886,0.1791948263323102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638215385768195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470889962725406,0.0,0.0,0.06849474363962563,0.0,0.0,0.08308667187792232,0.0,0.16279436144993004,0.0,0.3255266358300375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643411131650459,0.0,0.05252549535704477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429438377930072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021021634921017,0.05681265736729105,0.07635644629096695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719502936572518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039175083838577,0.0,0.0636033865104782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595400661296955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702662590386608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639478036184601,0.0,0.08740969198509019,0.0,0.08970763461792403,0.1684109300861522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425942685131053,0.0,0.0,0.070377099549239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760928911652124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452246202399348,0.0,0.0,0.06133456256391401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630635742305017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924035868157916,0.09330542246130512,0.08830307256142228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791389334090568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096703879437374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735164102373068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244442055955868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397482841961992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391916180705988,0.13901666508910512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191278461598756,0.0,0.0,0.046371651904621135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835517229790726,0.3239534234333004,0.0,0.0,0.0827883026083973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690589012903762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789512826270692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694807510878826,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Boneco_De_Neve,2019/01/16,"I'm sick of this meaningless life. I've never asked for a perfect life, I just wanted a regular one. Having good friends, relationships, a job, basic things that would make me want to wake up in the next day. But this is too much to ask. I'm almost 30 and at this point I just want to rest, I'm tired.",2.0437500000000037,3.202149625000001,3.598875,92.05862500000002,76.1875,6.995000000000001,20.6125,7.554174236665415,0.3753162500000005,232,5,55,3,5,77,48,64,0.179,0.6940000000000001,0.127,-0.6703,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,3,5,1,1,2,12,12,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,8,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497716522737454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200771239342992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489524687987787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735815013186199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884447259187981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229528980743784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173858178901995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499707119221618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516021966133498,0.0,0.1732813676159168,0.0,0.2389418698064785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224397524665995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238823724753486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412143019812621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926249899876645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582281147526597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975531796936759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960097611637625,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,couldibemorechandler,2019/01/16,"I know I'm going to do it someday The more I think about my life, my choices, myself and the world, and the more I see other people around, the more certain I become that suicide is inevitably for me.

All my life, I've just waited for the next exciting thing to happen in my life: weekends, seeing (now ex) girlfriends, watching sports, drinking, etc. But nothing excites me anymore. The only thing I'm waiting for anymore is my death.

No, I'm not going to do it anytime soon because of promises I made to myself. Yes, I am seeking help and am on antidepressants.

",4.352133027522935,5.708887275229357,5.204483944954131,82.01663417431195,70.74311926605505,6.1839449541284415,31.973623853211013,5.985473137389443,1.7979623853211013,439,20,78,2,8,143,69,109,0.113,0.7709999999999999,0.116,-0.1434,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,1,6,4,0,1,2,14,19,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,1,2,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,15,4,12,18,5,10,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,4,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39083128209859375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541177984574866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201167715126806,0.2176206642425852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930290334327908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975720371367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397036992011146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424619693514054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207507524376874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829075035567297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175360226580341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644869432668185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955953782825806,0.0,0.0,0.18906994212174502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498615622853494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660615680348445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140386244269623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553519163268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181581596064196,0.1262584464750644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lightntangy23,2019/01/16,"Anger lost control Hey guys, I've lost all feeling. I broke up with my girlfriend because I lashed out her little sister out of anger. I feel like a monster, my pent up anger taken out on someone that didn't deserve it. I've got nothing to live for now. I am gonna drive away on Saturday and just end everything there. No one has to deal with me anymore after that. I'm a mess. Yeah. I'm messed up in the head.",0.6733333333333321,2.6978965632183893,2.2857471264367817,95.89229885057472,83.36781609195403,4.786206896551724,22.310344827586206,5.82211442006289,0.1197724137931031,319,11,72,2,9,104,65,87,0.27,0.665,0.065,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,3,9,3,0,3,1,3,1,1,1,1,11,12,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,5,2,8,1,17,6,1,16,0,3,0,0,6,11,0,0,5,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260690315787077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141702078197833,0.0,0.0,0.13895859137182565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255669700053672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350104779223657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189950922549416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487028110318484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052069830702596,0.16285032310256375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231557057234168,0.0,0.0,0.2257102156548575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23394648247181615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113667689364878,0.22846970942511174,0.20128748409385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976772542281853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872793030585816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446747294194416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931446132466555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BigMck19,2019/01/16,"There’s No Point Anymore. I can’t stand another day of crippling loneliness or the feelings of disappointment I leave in others. Too many times I’ve tried to imagine that things will turn around, that my friends and family won’t loathe my existence, that maybe I’ll become a productive human being. 

But it all comes to nothing. 

I won’t be missed. Nobody will mourn. Everyone will go on and soon enough, I’ll be forgotten. 

To everyone, I’m sorry for who I am. You all deserve so much better. ",2.7053684210526288,5.2849743263157904,3.8897368421052647,84.09565789473685,79.42105263157895,7.589473684210527,25.28947368421053,8.548686976883017,2.0817157894736846,391,15,73,9,10,127,72,95,0.191,0.725,0.083,-0.8193,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,0,2,10,16,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,9,8,4,10,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350263009273755,0.0,0.0,0.21138399732331145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974552396262476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540350025588394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885107076938977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836067873904039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746182258602999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023725328081484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073411210016112,0.0,0.0,0.20093549693659565,0.0,0.10777324592761636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467641314872214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113603553297625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256913072469704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609703857054333,0.21413425084803475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668716056764634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451976067411828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201492283677766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385999924104923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416050256853892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242874050063329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471244351418874,0.23184212346961666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plasticanimals,2019/01/16,i might just do it tonight:) i don’t see the point in living anymore when i’m constantly miserable.,2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.5,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.7100000000000004,79,4,16,2,2,26,17,20,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196427435681518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572657217198166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736417654430819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488863454557703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000055623937495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33718905312101943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungdeadpopstar,2019/01/16,It's getting harder and harder There's something wrong with me. I don't know how to explain it. I feel like a mistake. I'm not supposed to be here. I should be dead.,-0.952499999999997,1.1593176388888935,1.312444444444445,98.47700000000002,94.83333333333331,2.8800000000000003,21.088888888888885,3.1291,-0.5039377777777774,129,5,29,0,5,43,28,36,0.27,0.6609999999999999,0.069,-0.8074,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,9,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755253824402414,0.3892873645002593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846955820591745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994710175645292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662179303438678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195021671775814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957789791216153,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopeIsAnIllusion20,2019/01/16,"1 hour and I will be dead. Throwaway account because I don't want my friends and my brother to find out that way.

Years have passed full of sadness anxiety and depression. Nothing has helped... nothing has changed... Everyday is worse then the one before it. Only thing that kept me going was my family and friends, but I can't continue. I am done. They love my but I don't feel anything anymore. My grandpa died and I wasn't sad and all good things don't make me happy anymore. I fucked up my future there is no way things turn out well for me. And I won't take more pain and sadness. I hope better for all of you facing this bullshit. It might raise awareness that even the 'popular' and 'handsome' people are sad when they say they are. Have the courage that I don't have.

",1.6029831932773106,4.032482331168833,2.424759358288771,93.81302139037436,82.83116883116884,5.181970970206264,24.643239113827352,6.522977012572876,0.7606093200916724,605,24,125,6,17,189,95,154,0.225,0.5920000000000001,0.183,-0.6214,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,3,1,4,18,1,0,3,0,22,4,1,1,2,22,32,13,2,2,2,2,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,10,11,0,1,2,0,1,2,8,7,1,1,4,2,23,11,8,24,4,15,0,5,0,2,11,4,1,2,7,88,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877220768469696,0.0,0.3079491148388555,0.0,0.0,0.12776438769026965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464404503654786,0.0,0.13211341485430775,0.0,0.0,0.13731338773765367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424274071874126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133723783605621,0.0,0.1611336482426637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588831897693911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025466714914461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636374845038067,0.0,0.07850328337759108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190331305920845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990442183957195,0.14353383660657856,0.0,0.0,0.08823689444289436,0.130223332200827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527539348919335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406639482694614,0.0,0.0,0.15420656685638215,0.15289819376585004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140126716543423,0.0,0.10363614977184163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470456699783653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979491355266545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520707155616174,0.11808096630939413,0.16520582382748278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107636586414694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346766622756115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673495204298208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094402334287299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688764939846172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915753934994762,0.2464736925045411,0.0,0.0,0.1395958964287963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822151594198405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998128275811508
suicidewatch,Whywhywhywhywhy23,2019/01/16,"Goodbye I just want to say thanks to people on this sub who have helped me in the past.

If anyone I know finds this, I'm sorry for leaving I hope the good times outweighed the bad.",2.3799122807017525,3.6806999736842165,3.0131578947368425,96.02043859649126,75.57894736842105,5.066666666666666,20.561403508771924,3.1291,-0.4868701754385967,141,3,32,0,3,44,31,38,0.112,0.654,0.234,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685257485289006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25894854292126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834564275024189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601252904342375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078759675497805,0.0,0.0,0.3080325722929729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044127717004132,0.0,0.0,0.3283866280889596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960575463337594,0.21500753996444247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466306305781805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34716909536968754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285529286292461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084135513156505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292479103471712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobthebuilderx25,2019/01/16,"Goodnight world, its time to sleep now Its been real. I tried my best but just couldn't cope. Oh well, it was worth a shot right? Now Im ready for the infinite sleep waiting for all of us :) Take care guys



",0.06697674418604649,2.2271077906976764,0.9360930232558148,103.66879069767442,87.3720930232558,4.370232558139535,15.576744186046513,5.6839178017228535,-1.0480102325581395,157,3,39,1,5,48,38,43,0.042,0.645,0.313,0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,1,6,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,4,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107450922911403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730738848146815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651970614261028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893059088628446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048529151731107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22872816248008865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360534231771588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013772985021676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617574268742174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184121987894444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221704651255484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408142892324887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aqono_luna,2019/01/16,"I’m So Numb. I just so numb right now, and the only thing I can think of is attempting suicide.

But even in how numb I am, there’s a voice in the back of my head that’s telling me not to. 

I was just asleep and every dream I had was about everything that’s currently stressing me out. I can’t even go to sleep to escape reality. 

I wish this overbearing natural desire to not die would go away. ",0.9778571428571432,2.8008170238095254,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,81.14285714285714,7.057142857142857,21.214285714285715,8.07648339933343,0.8495285714285723,306,9,72,6,8,103,58,84,0.168,0.6679999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.3254,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,3,0,8,6,3,1,0,13,13,6,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,1,10,0,11,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318621521744564,0.18976203985233114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561233385625037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259976565702477,0.0,0.2079265767059562,0.0,0.22179398701961986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805066258422566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25327208425367403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769072531829487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075260620771655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469627149892155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28269079970550204,0.0,0.0,0.2699421775153249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570052188561128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395264952558858,0.15812953658753254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837899845231061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753086212322247,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ianratman,2019/01/16,"lol what's up fuckers, i'm gonna kms with a mix of painkillers, alcohol & benzos in a few hours lmao. adios. unless i even fail at suicide (will update, dw) ",1.4827272727272742,3.247074242424248,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,79.30303030303031,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.4472303030303033,122,4,27,1,3,40,31,33,0.293,0.542,0.165,-0.7351,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,13,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818719592591577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4885469065809495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978133351418573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44404289637398936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932083317842551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hoagie123,2019/01/16,"I don’t know how to kill myself I’m 53, HIV+, had a stroke about 9 months back which caused significant memory loss and now I suffer from seizures. My partner of 18 years wants out of the relationship and has a boyfriend. I don’t have a job and can’t really find work due to health issues.  I can’t afford to leave and I’m miserable staying with him.  Thing is, I still love him so my heart is broken.  

I would end my life if I knew of a painless way. I won’t do it with a gun because that’s too traumatic for everyone I know.  I don’t know how to do it with drugs or go about getting them.  I don’t want to talk to anyone about this because I just want my life to be over.  ",0.4812244897959168,2.1808327346938796,2.55261904761905,95.4632142857143,82.19727891156462,6.104761904761905,19.343537414965986,7.1686216300943375,0.1016884353741494,520,13,128,7,14,175,90,147,0.171,0.752,0.077,-0.936,2,0,1,1,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,2,11,5,1,1,6,0,16,8,1,3,0,23,28,9,1,5,3,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,1,20,1,20,23,0,12,0,3,0,2,7,2,0,2,7,82,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589050390157686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844223083675822,0.0,0.21950552295817616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495412649395768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879313823481704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594649777319449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203914657834785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455636976700955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406522486302052,0.0,0.1023227908919867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913776730398737,0.0,0.21335224910702774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879184916632521,0.17866525418309573,0.0,0.19919130278705105,0.0,0.29684136722546545,0.0,0.0,0.19063992259581813,0.0,0.0,0.2543399001189248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249616224347982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370889266388326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534038703140725,0.0,0.0,0.19329918986611655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190226679719505,0.1437828602934404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447120332754393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961280859745572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318582716415612,0.1429100392627708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310737107743692,0.0,0.0,0.12789763762653458,0.0,0.0,0.11594202123004395
suicidewatch,CapricaCorn,2019/01/16,"I fucked up I recently graduated in December 2018 and landed my dream job; however, in order to secure that dream I need to take a board exam. I’m not scared of failing the exam, I know I’ll be okay at that..my problem comes from my own mistake I made in 2017. I was pulled over and arrested for running a stop sign with a blood alcohol level of 0.09 (0.01 above the legal limit). I always roll through stop signs, it’s a bad habit I have always had; especially when it’s an empty intersection with no headlights in sight. But this time it cost me severely. It took everything in my power not to end it all the day I got out on a personal bond because that was my first offense ever and I thought my future was over, but I was told everything will be okay. Everything will work out. Eventually, things did. I *thought* I got the record expunged after the original charge was dropped to a traffic ticket, I graduated college, and I landed my dream job. However, just recently I reached out to my state board to ask why it’s taking so long to get my approval to test to take my board exam and continue what I have worked so hard for. What they told me literally made my heart sink to my stomach. They told me that they would send me my eligibility status within 30 days because I was originally supposed to receive it earlier this month, but “something from 2017” popped up...those words have been running through my mind all day and night for what seems like forever. I’ve done two background/criminal checks on myself and each time MY record came back negative with 0 hits, and the only thing that popped up was my father’s extensive criminal record; the most recent one happening in 2017. Could his criminal record be causing what’s taking so long to get my approval since we share the same last name? Can the state board see my expunged case? If I’m not eligible to test, I literally wasted 4 years of my life and I don’t see a point to even try anymore. One stupid mistake can possibly ruin my entire life. At this point, I’m trying to remain hopeful, but it’s just so hard. If I get news that the state deems me ineligible...I have wasted my entire collegiate career and disappointed my family and loved ones. The anxiety waiting for the approval is killing me, and for now, I will remain hopeful. But if I receive news that I am ineligible..that will probably be the final push I need.",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551732,5.959396551724138,78.16275862068966,69.0,9.248275862068963,30.448275862068968,9.516144504307137,2.7489258620689667,1888,74,360,40,32,625,226,464,0.146,0.746,0.107,-0.9659,5,0,2,0,0,0,56.0,1,0,3,9,12,20,4,1,21,2,30,8,3,5,3,69,66,25,1,12,13,1,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,23,22,1,5,4,4,2,10,6,12,0,5,22,5,58,8,49,33,6,67,0,3,3,2,17,24,1,7,29,228,81,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471560541781653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474899878415936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677996240214491,0.0,0.08789444353530594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285453982538532,0.0,0.0,0.06814890507610295,0.07400007400370226,0.10805273042295747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013659938634436,0.0,0.09104462658314534,0.0,0.07634455120224502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076166870420121,0.0,0.0,0.17147178438112975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069647470298893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849746110513957,0.0,0.0,0.05853748033570399,0.08016844569910514,0.0,0.0,0.23895744448593625,0.0,0.0835499087602152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097086849456797,0.0,0.07538631620733585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193448910300906,0.13891228221490512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176665871812444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837280800820838,0.0,0.15878526333875118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502374950395137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605376642078266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589779324025095,0.0,0.09805295034306664,0.0,0.04870723342013086,0.0722430593603979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520013297610036,0.04329881061391482,0.0,0.0,0.15686470172032072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998957737844872,0.1677225440884126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948828457732114,0.0,0.07074144663481192,0.0,0.0,0.1314320052250901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317069532005811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801684089641915,0.06740503755827569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738591942051798,0.0,0.0,0.1675628465235971,0.099913937882294,0.0,0.0,0.0955551941023728,0.08480433433851985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625262307276785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887313650378267,0.0,0.14124892968847694,0.08068294401602759,0.0,0.1001235958154952,0.0,0.07331339905898426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822960746966578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819274342174882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665467288336283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177600489348624,0.0,0.0,0.14072031572747107,0.10335855542338264,0.0,0.0,0.2540614825117793,0.0984681653316916,0.12034420633894705,0.0,0.08657597119886049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997233204750369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290434258325077,0.0,0.0,0.06295827446139568,0.0,0.0,0.057073060376024186
suicidewatch,venVin,2019/01/16,"I seriously don't think I'll ever be happy again, no matter if my life gets better or not I wish I was brave enough to just down these pills and get it over with. I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to fight it anymore. I want to lay down and die. ",1.898965517241379,2.2312887241379364,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,75.55172413793103,6.4896551724137925,19.67241379310345,5.985473137389443,-0.26508275862068986,198,3,50,1,4,68,39,58,0.257,0.545,0.198,-0.194,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,14,12,4,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,7,3,8,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076254307922542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263483291398485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656138097591608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644429852515787,0.0,0.0,0.2315023575273383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674245919893346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27244109100041897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807701627114557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398891598164614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528605182008767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943056239378212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skinnedsin,2019/01/16,"A loser falls in love. I fell in love with the wrong person. I used to be so happy just to know her and be her friend. But for years I was too much of a coward to tell her how I really feel. And now I wish that I never met her so I don't have to feel like a piece of shit every day. But it would be wrong to blame her for the way that I am. It's not her fault that I'm like this. I ruined my own life. I would've waited until the next life for you, but it's so hard to plan for the future when I'm not sure if I'll be alive for tomorrow.

How can I change myself in one day?

I think the answer is death.",-0.3882629107981224,0.5806375211267607,2.154577464788733,100.69177230046951,82.23943661971829,5.2967136150234735,12.53755868544601,5.46131890053228,-1.480199061032864,456,1,128,2,12,158,82,142,0.171,0.698,0.131,-0.7754,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,9,13,1,0,8,0,11,5,1,3,2,23,23,13,1,3,7,0,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,2,3,21,7,18,16,3,16,0,2,0,2,13,3,1,1,12,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000832333926654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316729847413884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133296166327662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163697446752772,0.12831663358928613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876971595802087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120297352987228,0.16089931073822247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871143102928216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537340641897226,0.17550114253867302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242181949587296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320373230779821,0.0,0.13852977409579967,0.0,0.1910220567954416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171143261700032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683245200206491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506564700627142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184371701540624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928453914931407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699098848448892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150897180982986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512925730815094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256962851169086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654780898447234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25518597263009885,0.3927605154217449,0.0,0.11566584811629878
suicidewatch,4655434b594f55,2019/01/16,"Considering suicide to be the least scary and painful way to go This already started for me, whole planning, I started being very generous, giving away money, buying gifts, and reason is that it will be the easiest, the most honor keeping, way to go.
The reasons:
- Soon, world war will start and I will be forced to die for my country by my government
- Soon, I believe, I will die anyway from some serious illness
- Depression and paranoia only get worse and started to give me heart issues
- My girlfriend is also very depressed and paranoid making living together unliveable
- Climate is changing so fast
- My country is a pile of ... with no chances for any achievements/career

Are my reasons valid? How much? Please help ",8.780798650168729,8.958283480314963,7.931383577052866,70.51291338582679,60.65354330708662,9.776827896512936,41.76490438695164,9.23628265651192,4.226832170978628,570,30,86,8,7,177,88,127,0.262,0.605,0.133,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,5,0,13,3,1,5,0,15,24,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,11,1,13,16,5,13,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,7,63,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518939856639112,0.1100741534122561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936028920116093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293214171225601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507807054876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456094930668294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23710578935280804,0.0,0.2857062508083905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191350255895458,0.264082045076107,0.1564529356170823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310924185276304,0.0922601201717226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366496174095492,0.0,0.12234464093605067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215425009717324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918786861789986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118444993042568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468474630848824,0.14646331493214534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510921850529765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245640127388253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897015757538007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505606008140787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22714204200351845,0.0,0.21851138907474796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367502417331544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027137289452635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrikFrakILikeSnacks,2019/01/16,"I don't know how to help my friend. So my friend is very guarded. I've known her for around 3 years and she's never really opened up, but I think she's depressed. Sometimes she says things like ""I get so disappointed when I wake up."" or ""I don't understand what the point of living is, no one cares about me.""

I've bought up therapy and how it can help, but she shut it down because she doesn't trust therapists. If I ask her to explain some of things she says then she changes the subject. 

If anyone knows how I could help her I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.",1.6010023310023342,3.5297460854700917,2.879549339549339,93.36216783216786,79.59829059829059,6.647707847707848,20.892773892773896,7.686295010490155,0.5685282051282052,440,12,101,7,11,142,74,117,0.121,0.67,0.209,0.8672,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,0,2,0,7,1,1,3,1,22,17,14,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,6,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,2,21,6,11,15,1,12,0,2,0,0,20,8,0,4,5,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776380822445713,0.0,0.0,0.16266174877869405,0.17082085535012825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138592932062416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629774865257134,0.0,0.19329615827449845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588903395672004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573786063711699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823418733255619,0.0,0.0954649554773834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367425085044818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008389954756812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926897524625461,0.0,0.1613472996168432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409268429338248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238174829896505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273180702219898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341134022425785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29061650394369426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071720732514795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822631228189872,0.2089590830810677,0.2121548854354505,0.2427853962802768,0.11708118873074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022054826418314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076518425125546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176672878930762
suicidewatch,Merk_N_Cheese,2019/01/16,"I just don't know Im sitting in my old highschool bedroom thinking about how I hung myself in this exact room last April and failed. I am 473 days sober from drugs I finished my first semester of college on the deans list. I have a very good source of income. I should be living the time of my life but instead im sitting in this room thinking about ending it. What is the point of living if i'll never feel as good as I did during my using years. I used drugs from a very young age and got clean at 17. Once I got clean everyone quickly realized I was always using to not have to think. I hate fucking thinking I am always depressed, anxious, or just losing my mind. I have been taking my meds and haven't had a hallucination in a long time. But I still don't see any sort of point in living. There is nothing for me here. Money doesn't bring happiness too me, doing drugs does. Tonight im either going to kill myself or relapse I can't fucking think anymore i've had enough.",2.525048287971906,4.221591572139303,3.7564998536728136,89.18934152765587,76.06467661691542,5.724436640327772,23.7638279192274,6.2272716619740125,0.5614463564530289,770,24,158,5,17,251,119,201,0.138,0.795,0.067,-0.9477,1,0,3,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,11,10,4,0,7,0,20,6,0,4,2,29,39,11,1,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,5,0,4,3,0,0,8,0,1,2,7,7,0,1,7,2,25,3,22,30,2,32,0,3,1,2,0,11,2,4,17,100,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578866674693375,0.0,0.0,0.07183342099002339,0.0,0.0,0.11933415736136666,0.1047586162942092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812393799785768,0.0,0.09098073584969801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924393248613722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674989502410396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093558649184459,0.10914615203745648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093595715903064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341074187202687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985057366255425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953102689991179,0.0,0.0,0.06003313224506467,0.17719831534788993,0.16896721119803845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244728882217428,0.0,0.10428978714614827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423022441093503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686622030183735,0.0,0.05805261597182045,0.08610422492083601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461104572076188,0.0,0.0,0.279825124614737,0.09348104633613036,0.0,0.11817525207101225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733340220667825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665826518483974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146995431421597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135680753672964,0.0,0.11084307452353276,0.11249469317312824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971287419414546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417507314474967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435789711484258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942216073972412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384237842263501,0.0,0.0,0.12318980373284424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27369654476488137,0.0,0.17431501930248738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802358137993691
suicidewatch,OMGoose,2019/01/16,"Abused as a child, chronic crippling depression and chronic pain condition combined with loneliness I can't make friends, I've tried. I hate my job and corporate culture, I'm trapped in a bitter sexless partnership I'm too afraid to end, my closest family are dead, I live hundreds of miles from friends and family I actually know, and my financial problems and chronic pain are getting worse no matter what I try.",7.1708,8.568443146666667,7.094666666666665,70.91400000000003,64.2,10.8,43.0,10.793553405168565,5.2758,336,21,53,9,5,107,54,75,0.466,0.522,0.012,-0.9916,1,1,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,1,2,0,3,5,0,1,0,10,9,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,8,2,6,9,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,27,9,1,0.0,0.2531171588638565,0.20847250982200505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399959989068845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921317634419726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40278356515541175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33010072285026704,0.0,0.1116130967000274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091584859543694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199526521211035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740571244740278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886396077426485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259998915726735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546357374020734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044154962726051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900821149554703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770768701312396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FunEmphasis,2019/01/16,I’m involuntarily single and it is killing me Still no job half a year after graduation. No girlfriend. Keep getting rejected by job apps and girls. My life is a shit show gonna end it.,0.9827027027027028,3.561404027027028,3.5608648648648646,82.71318918918921,89.81081081081079,6.203243243243244,23.616216216216216,7.554174236665415,1.3830908108108122,147,6,30,3,5,51,31,37,0.359,0.6409999999999999,0.0,-0.9403,2,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,17,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856285840582789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848663179141354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.640039014190476,0.2866420871677917,0.35678511094409304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277827601199344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310292230492965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575392752789859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076716519689973
suicidewatch,NEONVORE,2019/01/16,"Fat, ugly with no friends I’m 16, ‘male’ - and I honestly don’t think I have much of a purpose. I constantly have the urge and itch to give in, because I know how easily I can just end myself. And no one would be the wiser, but I’m terrified.

I have Bulimia and Anorexia (EDNOS) But I’m still an overweight fat fuck, I got gross small eyes and my friends don’t even like me.

I’m such a failure that I ‘dropped out’ of highschool my sophomore year. I’ve been months home, just laying here. Drawing, but god I feel so empty. Soon I’ll start online school but I just wished I wasn’t so ugly and terrified of public school - so that maybe I wouldn’t be so alone.

I just hate myself in general. And I’m thinking of ending it very soon.

Any suggestions? I’m afraid mainly because my previous idea of sleeping pills felt to be not the best. I’m scared of liver damage because that’s how my dad died and it was a torturous way to go, let me tell you.",0.7790136054421808,2.928575336734696,2.619387755102043,92.90656462585035,83.89795918367345,5.774149659863946,21.578231292517014,7.07126945348624,0.5915537414965986,730,24,160,10,21,242,113,196,0.311,0.613,0.076,-0.996,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,16,12,3,2,7,0,15,9,6,2,0,31,34,18,1,3,9,1,2,1,2,2,5,0,1,1,5,10,3,0,6,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,5,3,22,5,13,23,3,16,0,1,1,1,9,4,1,0,10,97,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662957831344303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918896208959596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936348004958536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850191340085766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351254107479208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666399847154765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28442392574828074,0.0,0.0,0.10605094563627612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118593530791046,0.0,0.15416652959745014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24810255104704146,0.1484387438572312,0.0,0.15402752943136475,0.09125216800876647,0.0,0.12841762346561306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852361558297973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105868935569198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812571060323504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824172365992883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418747248057694,0.0,0.0784434141032024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130802488989227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281605779455479,0.0,0.11803294567158874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880225817066136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075248056277588,0.3249984900546957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067986338953785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364795912491693,0.0,0.12822654278584125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403399310343083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576573542970003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248203810946108,0.0,0.12744815499326898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846405678949675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405999205925553,0.0,0.0,0.10339789120615647
suicidewatch,chelowl,2019/01/16,Changed my mind halfway through. Just took 6 665mg Paracetamol. My stomach feels weird. Do I go somewhere or wait until I have bad symptoms,2.10923076923077,4.975895692307695,1.9219230769230795,92.86057692307695,92.07692307692308,4.138461538461539,33.42307692307692,5.985473137389443,1.932569230769232,112,7,20,1,4,33,24,26,0.206,0.794,0.0,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34883512586075865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419637965434196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124592180362375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743827393847586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218462945325085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342411983478557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641773039989139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,songsfornoelle,2019/01/16,"Its over I’ve made too many mistakes for an 18 year old. Im worthless, it feels like I’m constantly stuck in the past and it’s impossible to not think about the things I’ve done. My therapist said i need to promise him that i won’t end it, but i can’t live in my head anymore. Ever since i was 17 my mom would leave for months to work but she was never truly working, i want to help her, when I’m gone she can sell everything in my room and make some money.  I’m constantly at home alone in my head, no girl would ever give me the chance, so why try. I can’t go outside people hate me. I know my time is up. It’s not selfish it’s just natural selection right? The weakest must go so that the strong can move forward and make this world a better place. I’m sorry I’ve failed you god. ",-0.15578947368421225,1.8522424269005848,1.928187134502924,97.26842105263157,86.71929824561403,5.237426900584795,18.35672514619883,6.5966054737557815,-0.17558011695906428,609,16,147,7,19,203,111,171,0.16899999999999998,0.684,0.146,-0.3106,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,5,8,9,1,0,7,0,12,2,2,3,4,24,31,8,0,6,5,1,1,1,0,4,0,1,2,1,10,3,0,0,3,0,2,5,7,5,0,0,7,2,20,4,14,20,1,28,0,2,0,0,10,12,0,1,14,80,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457245334750524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953828417150446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443922450444478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040971168794461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398669530657812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461994858674726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545454958835042,0.0,0.0,0.12645362039744634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114300990974172,0.10051732651668116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497389678580093,0.15992804340582714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891380460882788,0.2888010845546595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430938732631274,0.0,0.14113528272384845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198198646474004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732597767065848,0.0,0.0,0.14898279039306006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873974618549894,0.0,0.12424218372376562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331353557610025,0.18783896196449384,0.1426494453624928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478813694524802,0.1123067589507704,0.14954364585225244,0.0,0.10432853179713486,0.10851782926007356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764277133892353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431569862149648,0.097544846590929,0.0,0.14700333540718674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201584877087114,0.1338395422888009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638990475390175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575040398794769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336552465867296,0.0934759611153496,0.0901559715931122,0.0,0.0,0.08204429596525553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552722212623604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298951135439309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696140445578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486503469412107,0.0,0.0,0.19990090930407808,0.0,0.0,0.09060728524992732
suicidewatch,LatterBite,2019/01/16,"No girls like me. No career. Not good in anything. I want to give up. I'm fucking done with this life. So Ive been rejected for 22 years straight. Yeah i hugged tons of girls, snapchatted witht hem. Never got a kiss. Never had a girlfriend. Never had success. One made fun of me for sliding in the DMs (yeah dont message girls you dont know and our mutual friends with) then showed it to my mutual friends screenshotted and all. Others said they don't feel the same way. Others said they have a boyfriend. One pushed me away for going for a kiss (Kinda knew her. Havent seen her since we were kids then saw each other again at a wedding. My dumbass went for a kiss and she had a boyfriend). Others just message seen me. Girl from the club gives me the wrong number. Been to raves, classes in college, clubs.... not one approach from anyone. No slight of interest or reciprocation from anyone. Im sick of it. Everything is wrong with me. Im fucking done. Im sitting here wasting years of my life, years of my youth taking courses as a undeclared major that ive already taken but need higher marks and I dont even fucking know if Ill have a fucking career. Wasted tens of thousands of dollars AND I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW if all these years and money will count for ANYTHING. Motherfucker Ill be losing tens of thousands of dollars in salary each year when I could have just finished hard the fucking first time but didnt get my head out of my ass and got low fucking marks. I could have been GRADUATING THIS YEAR. I might just finish at 25 while motherfuckers i know left and right are graduating one after the other while im still stuck spinning my FUCKING wheels cause my program wont accept me. What the fuck is my life even? What the fucking fuck am I striving for? I want to build a fucking castle, a motherfucking future for myself, motherfucking independence, motherfucking money, a life to build on, goddamn freedom to travel amywherewith someone, to share dreams amd aspirations and I dont even know if I can do that! I am so fucking done with the everything. I dont fucking know if I can do it. Im done! I want to fucking end it all",2.094659421399051,4.6940306043165485,3.09419358130517,88.6813730292362,82.28537170263789,5.467401398030511,23.980254094596663,6.855684769269737,0.9317646716669225,1690,63,327,20,47,538,198,417,0.208,0.72,0.071,-0.9967,2,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,2,1,2,3,14,33,15,0,21,2,41,28,2,3,6,56,85,24,0,10,12,0,2,1,3,3,7,2,0,5,16,17,0,0,9,5,4,6,18,20,0,9,24,7,43,13,46,55,8,46,0,3,3,20,24,14,16,7,25,222,59,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586314100292606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079279906613031,0.0,0.08331593893300362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756146550397767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200320877091348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083582675232852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721740033534505,0.3559748612370746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04483647208008802,0.0,0.0,0.13374262381276672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099240185337552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025596235704520104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04305943675456776,0.0,0.0,0.07822157066254844,0.7019946979194993,0.02644814484198268,0.09712334860360904,0.02876990936967468,0.04245971584663511,0.0809748079239008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534777893568842,0.0,0.05195324629475563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734047064727847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692467353166712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550014485322742,0.0,0.1430245561467895,0.02473157584793147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663358156863435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047900193581732725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053702427938077314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037535911032916806,0.11712948072091747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372123501322251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323130237521355,0.09630709961120536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187542022030157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042892244228197283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042716020052217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806178823217149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029518362245319174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957531160088521,0.040181750729871415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046927525556617236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106954215421712,0.0,0.19559521865151688
suicidewatch,randomguy_39659926,2019/01/16,"Long Annoying Whine-Rant of a Disaffected Loser I'm 27 and I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers.

I went to college for art, but as soon as the going got tough I stopped improving and just sort of gave up. Something I wanted so badly now just seems so far out of reach. It's been five years since we graduation and my work pales in comparison to people graduating from my college now. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic.

I've always been driven by recognition and success. I was a straight A student in K-12, graduated valedictorian from high school. Everything started to crumble in my junior year of college, and I graduated college with a 3.495. Just under the grade to get summa cum laude. Five years later and I'm still exactly where I was when I graduated. Nowhere.

I'm working a dead-end contract job in California for something that's pretty cool, admittedly. It's just not what I went to school for, what I wanted to be doing with my life. Even though I'm making decent money, I can't help but feel that I failed. I've been promoted and it isn't enough. I go through the motions every day now, watching the clock. Saying to myself ""I'll work on art when I get home"", and it never happens. Never. It's so embarrassingly pathetic.

My art hasn't improved since graduation, because I haven't bucked down to work on it. I seem to be full of excuses; oh today was stressful, oh I didn't sleep well last night, oh I deserve a break after the stress of doing this one small chore I was outting off for days. I deserve nothing because I haven't earned the right to say I'm stressed or tired. How dare I say I'm tired or stressed when there's so many people out there, working their hardest to improve, while I sit here and do nothing but whine about how I haven't gotten a job in my art? It's disgusting. Annoying. I must sound so stupid to others.

I know my friends and family care about me. I have a wonderful fiance who loves me. I just can't help but feel like I'm letting them all down. Like the money my mom took out for my degree went to waste. I tell my friends about everything I'm feeling and I can't help but think they're getting sick of it. They've been hearing it for years, my excuses and whining. It must be getting old. Most of my family doesn't really understand mental illness so there's no point in telling them.

Some people would say ""oh well you don't have to do great things, being average is ok"", and to that I say bullshit, at least as far as I'm concerned. If other people want to do that, that's great for them. For me though, I may as well just give up and lay in front of a train. If I'm not striving for greatness, what good am I? If I'm not trying to create something that will benefit someone else, some day, what's the point of me being here? If all I want to do is just live and be happy for myself, that'd the lost selfish and lowly thing I could think of doing. 

In short, I'm an artist who doesn't do art; a wannabe, a has-been. A person who thrives on recognition, which is the most flippant way of being happy, but it's all I've known, and I'm too lazy and pathetic for my work to get recognition anymore. I've done nothing special or important with my life, and at this rate I never will.

I don't even know why I'm getting up tomorrow. I really don't. All I do is disappoint myself every day. I could just be done with it and everything would be better off. Me, my friends, my family, the world. One less failure making everything worse and whining about it. One less disappointment.

If you read this far into this intelligible diatribe, I'm sorry. A waste of time, to be sure. Hopefully you'll rise above this and become the things I can't; happy, fulfilled, successful, contented. I'm too far gone.",2.811607142857145,4.583872683862435,4.266345899470903,85.51436011904762,75.46825396825396,7.317592592592592,26.098214285714285,8.127752990431519,1.6075103174603182,2943,108,601,49,64,977,302,756,0.2,0.659,0.141,-0.9938,2,0,3,0,0,1,104.0,1,3,4,15,43,47,4,5,26,2,64,10,2,4,11,102,125,55,0,16,25,1,5,3,3,8,7,7,2,1,39,32,0,1,14,7,3,11,22,20,3,5,21,14,75,27,89,82,13,86,0,8,1,1,33,40,0,18,35,392,114,29,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854290425992752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057856829740828335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871081163078435,0.07112609370581544,0.0644310846949706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159629895108485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594807226041241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093158239673054,0.0,0.0,0.15049588173052908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194025534248104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873493214630829,0.0,0.05167123266925348,0.060280009021527636,0.0,0.07706500882230367,0.0,0.0983066175187858,0.0,0.2097261157792122,0.0,0.1649910728677561,0.0,0.117992249540318,0.08335510044155316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521820930422734,0.0,0.18287900663002216,0.055964295477462615,0.06631104598320921,0.0489321696110031,0.04665920339484229,0.19295758707237134,0.0,0.0,0.051589179325313504,0.18630955259845047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575254058359874,0.0,0.11731064770999786,0.061638588673809634,0.05851899406288458,0.05794400862750355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578534735475872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412341890539022,0.04755425049926107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965580476115642,0.12362014854017972,0.08550478777409967,0.0,0.05151459983196897,0.05162837361916309,0.0,0.0,0.06368414984282841,0.0,0.052653423507559305,0.0,0.0778837643418077,0.05914681208790985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879221194131444,0.0,0.0,0.06832618903949883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498440822794294,0.0,0.0,0.05474740569494591,0.0,0.1679341642006004,0.0,0.06121719737732425,0.0,0.11859649532828542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617802774289553,0.050939556406110025,0.0,0.0,0.11029883906495297,0.0,0.0,0.05935195977773874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058355007135898564,0.0,0.07474719602042992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982137487611458,0.0,0.23196844540902384,0.0,0.11808480986676455,0.0,0.10621966912047176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651761081741723,0.0,0.0583813516012892,0.0,0.04943063154618467,0.1347371445978947,0.0,0.06530598016813266,0.041292799984249486,0.0,0.046589776223853706,0.048774199938670416,0.2673095163013128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054984024164624334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198209887136496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162739559087004,0.07476283271722863,0.114635974330227,0.0,0.03401806816711081,0.1341047020318467,0.05529875886344626,0.0,0.0648170196811018,0.03960850069919803,0.0,0.0,0.06073318516589659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376399332187343,0.04630695714222339,0.0,0.0,0.15736189434593129,0.16224312345296024,0.052642071707193115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326639519589207,0.25482988061352035,0.0,0.05945264894806637,0.08288501570241226,0.0,0.0,0.15027417907878352
suicidewatch,LeftDragonfly,2019/01/16,"Lost $60k by investing in PG&E. I want to die A couple of weeks ago I invested $90000 in PG&E (PCG) stock at $17.7 per share. This week PG&E has filed for bankruptcy. The stock hit $6 per share toddy I'm almost at a $60000 loss right now. PG&E is supposed to be a stable utility investment; somehow I ended up losing it all. I want to die. Maybe just blow my brains out. Just fucking kill me 

California Governor Gavin Newsome if you're reading this please consider bailing out PG&E. I'm begging you",2.0294117647058805,4.6989083137254894,3.574019607843137,84.57808823529412,83.50980392156862,6.537254901960785,28.10784313725491,7.793537801064563,2.1705137254901965,416,20,76,8,12,137,74,102,0.185,0.7040000000000001,0.111,-0.898,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,1,0,3,4,7,2,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,10,10,1,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,2,13,7,1,13,0,3,0,1,3,8,1,3,5,36,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396547743305004,0.0,0.14003606110041816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7576180790654573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561149352468631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473748363690815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902771598679993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386248340349527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928582853275045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471942357810406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564524533642054,0.15265896603366252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049459800690245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535094532630372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988433659300026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942814018454916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497016873092904,0.0,0.2243528411785222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tmax-400,2019/01/16,"I seem to get further away from the idea of suicide every day and it's making me feel very uncomfortable I was always thinking that I'll never make it to 20 and I'm 22 now. Every day I become more conscious of the fact that suicide can never be an option for me because there are people who love me and I don't want to ruin their lives like that. And it devastates me. I feel like I don't have any control over my life and I can't do anything to get out of this situation.

It just keeps getting worse and worse and it really depresses me that I cannot avoid these feelings. I feel very confused. ",2.0367781818181783,3.7978327360000037,3.7570181818181823,88.3665090909091,77.64,6.1454545454545455,23.363636363636363,6.980632752743323,0.7655599999999994,472,15,99,5,11,158,77,125,0.211,0.687,0.102,-0.9436,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,2,3,0,10,2,0,3,3,28,25,7,2,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,3,8,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,4,16,3,12,23,1,9,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,3,7,66,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275668061025262,0.0,0.0,0.10425655142270752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261616651752347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404047443986434,0.0,0.0,0.09345679603362707,0.16931965265711998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719510162992286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774547131696266,0.0,0.13204630428094444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583417990086463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100740396189288,0.10952521380619268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029558114277394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730691494281866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626961811671434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828790022361508,0.14979975410907442,0.0,0.13537618048203334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836891652088065,0.0,0.20467220113420265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648536751564014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062863542912752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821477728638006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956832766340488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232768030799514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33539410340141823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823532327038136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529948110947418,0.09042663876712778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31247345647179725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GalacticStarX,2019/01/16,It feels horrible to continue to go on day after day while having to deal with the fact that nothing will ever get any better. It hurts to continue going on day after day while knowing that nothing will get better. I just wish I had the courage to kill myself and get it over with. Nothing will get any better so what would I miss out on by not going through with it?,6.278108108108111,5.6425428918918925,6.614189189189191,80.59263513513514,66.02702702702703,9.021621621621623,30.66216216216216,8.07648339933343,2.061308108108108,290,9,57,3,4,94,42,74,0.147,0.691,0.163,0.1119,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,13,17,4,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,4,17,12,0,19,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,11,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221389084020684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318914272745824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199130718087957,0.16781684933332802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724191395604558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230538833418134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401789008457441,0.0,0.2775312655749752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425708989825614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800896094672743,0.0,0.08945846722788575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685693052875866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718653157350948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156327374221426,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway89u928289,2019/01/16,"Clearing my head.   

Throwaway for obvious reasons. I guess I am writing this out to clear my head. 

Ever since a young age (Maybe 8 or 9?) I have had the urge to self-terminate even going so far as to just test the water. My family has never found out although I fear now that I am older (23) they are starting to suspect that I want to die. Which is embarrassing in and of itself because of the stigma surrounding people like myself. It’s not that I hate life or am in a lot of pain, I just don’t see the point of living knowing that my life on the grand scheme of things is worth no more than a snail. Or worse life only exists to eat other life in some fashion. Add on to that, that in 100 years no one will know who I am or care then what’s the point? Everyone dies. All our experiences are gone. Which is just wasted time and effort. Can someone really argue that all the pain and heartache is worth It for only the possibility at brief happiness?  

I think about ending my life daily sometimes even longing for the sweet embrace of the void. Not that I would shoot myself or overdose on drugs. I understand the ramifications my death would have on others. But in my mind at least that is no excuse to continue living. 

Therefore, I find myself thinking of ways to die that make my death more meaningful, so my family and friends and coworkers can latch onto something, so it doesn’t eat at them. Have you ever thought about joining the military and specifically requesting infantry work? I have, and in a way, it almost makes for the perfect suicide because all that you have to do is be slightly careless or try and protect someone else by throwing your life in harm’s way. 

Granted I also understand the argument about fighting for the man beside you and what not, but I consider it a moot point for this context. 

What do you all think?",4.276445272087732,5.7827920614525175,5.039770328988208,82.54612559486863,71.12290502793294,7.761804262362922,28.06372853300228,8.285830014693849,1.9301883716118349,1450,53,276,22,27,469,191,358,0.111,0.802,0.087,-0.8572,0,0,2,1,2,2,36.0,1,5,2,3,15,16,3,2,20,0,29,14,2,4,11,62,48,24,6,3,14,0,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,1,28,12,3,1,13,0,2,4,9,9,0,1,4,2,36,7,46,40,9,43,0,0,1,0,16,22,0,10,15,207,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196798208955008,0.0,0.0,0.07344720067504021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197387031826216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364055260588786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28595710736895946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650928263205027,0.18795762500419094,0.07672344547264025,0.0,0.08134606590406185,0.0,0.0,0.12132350947931805,0.1661553781600874,0.0,0.08776038447241663,0.0,0.08984055037080321,0.17316372500719834,0.10334945308967293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394328015084136,0.0,0.0,0.10070163926957744,0.07095804762325097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219676827960745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117595174195687,0.0,0.0,0.09776909614446523,0.0,0.0906764256673381,0.1885158220956466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094955337451213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38923061172500795,0.0448700869070069,0.0,0.16219895738799542,0.08127859286474895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808204542632723,0.0,0.0,0.12261247699583175,0.0,0.09226912390739016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273573682998497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083535654495078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223552143425735,0.1397022158496857,0.19545588405416028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367270737448492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604653353971013,0.10353972805338643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883728739879479,0.09443039768000852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318736543547101,0.0,0.09581278374332906,0.0,0.0,0.07597387874131442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563737126898428,0.07070560076333865,0.09083555373972088,0.0,0.06500729042759514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004618642882516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101672950090908,0.1765487874941545,0.0,0.0729134669838243,0.05355467388911905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062355696618696374,0.0,0.0,0.19122461098197727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541716662263033,0.2187032470244895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686314993167206,0.0,0.0935963562250804,0.13048595130186666,0.0,0.0,0.05914419224943045
suicidewatch,Some_Famous_Pig,2019/01/16,"I honestly don't know why it's worth living When you never planned on living past 19, you're now almost 25 and everything since 2011 has gone to shit its a wonder how anything is still going for you. 

 When you find out this person you were crazy in love with is a serial rapist, makes you question if the relationship you had with them was just going to be a matter of time until they rape you.

The relationship I had with them was completely consentual.

I didn't find out they were a rapist until November 2018.   I've been in denial since.

I've finally come to terms with this and I now have  no idea who I am

I don't see myself making it to May.

I've been contemplating hanging myself off the pipe in the medical room at my office",5.245227442207309,5.378979637583896,6.230425055928414,79.88077554064135,68.06040268456377,9.575242356450412,25.95152870991797,9.444778638647367,1.928659358687546,582,14,119,11,9,194,94,149,0.147,0.7859999999999999,0.066,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,7,4,1,7,6,4,0,8,0,18,6,1,3,1,24,28,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,9,0,0,6,0,1,5,5,4,0,0,10,1,20,2,20,16,1,26,0,0,1,4,17,9,1,5,12,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171737758912622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113422803463904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477366081993538,0.17982001769348646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541378823435032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878756455259204,0.31350542833140915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494080011656092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360857965239892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425481382688042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30288459969312875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547902065975373,0.0,0.2289622054932768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277352117753605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322754409568441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372119110497013,0.0,0.14975179076355133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212515869828806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36826496234022105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366674992212866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604770007337472,0.2837418713444877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369643340662928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000610499486727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475683464549914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859901546885668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ratzy88,2019/01/16,"I’ve never wanted to kill myself more than I do right now It all started last March when I bought the new MLB game (terrible purchase, the popular game mode is very micro transaction marketed). 

Over the year I spent $7200 of the 16k I made in the summer on video games

Come September I knew I would need to pick up shifts at my dads place in order to pay for expenses (DR Trip, school expenses, etc). I neglected working last semester than during Christmas break I relapsed my gambling addiction and spent 1300 (on my credit card bill for feb). 

Now I am forced to work 3 days a week in Jan at my dads place (7:30am:4:30pm) while doing my unpaid internship for school Tuesday-Friday (6pm-10pm) Saturday 10am-4pm). The only bright side is after January I only work 2 days a week at my dads place. I am there until the end of March. 

I should add I am someone who values there time. I would much rather do what I would like than spend my time in the office of a factory. 

But yes welcome to my hell. Sadly killing myself it’s not the solution as it only transfers the problems I created onto those around me while creating new ones for them",4.627545454545455,5.99442334545455,5.166136363636365,82.51420454545456,70.0909090909091,8.590909090909092,28.29545454545455,9.017664075816787,2.278954545454546,896,32,170,17,16,287,140,220,0.106,0.775,0.119,0.2206,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,1,3,7,12,3,0,13,1,12,2,0,2,2,20,21,7,2,8,3,3,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,4,11,3,2,7,0,1,5,1,28,5,31,12,4,48,1,2,1,0,10,18,1,0,26,107,34,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356756349544378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723694016482546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134440354513164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986544012116606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664314768003928,0.0,0.14687532482268068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914031767730902,0.0,0.0,0.2146988634586808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433978232804574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461349197761305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968113654775008,0.09765056461393062,0.10157170924756867,0.25438472138062745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924029744919536,0.3004811482918304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127813874699911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601483353590567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246726054505776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26656580856555306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158519271768956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093214771892817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358544180298053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866260210352836,0.07767743397893047,0.0,0.21127641612653386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876277365778496,0.0,0.0,0.28065817170232776,0.0,0.0,0.0848076016251755
suicidewatch,gajeelisname,2019/01/16,"Suicidal thoughts Not sure if I should be posting on this or r/depression but I’d figured I’d ask you guys.
21M
Been struggling with Depression and Anxiety for a while. This past year was the worst. My car got wrecked (completely to weather), lost a lot of friends, went through a break up with a girl who was way too good for me. My finances got screwed over because of car and in turn my credit turned bad. I had an attempt over the summer, only one person knows about it. 
I moved in back home with my parents in September to try to straighten my life. I figured being around all my brothers and trying to level out would help with my depression. For a bit my suicidal thoughts subsided. They started to flare up in December and now I’m back to thinking about it almost 75% of the time.

Do you guys have any ideas for how to help with this? I’m sick of the thoughts and I don’t want to go down the same road again. ",1.943602150537636,4.065012284946242,2.8410752688172067,93.09827956989248,79.3763440860215,6.2838709677419375,26.46236559139785,7.3871296695380915,1.259991397849463,719,30,155,10,18,227,117,186,0.221,0.688,0.091,-0.9855,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,2,9,11,1,1,11,0,11,3,0,1,2,33,28,10,2,4,4,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,6,12,0,0,8,0,2,5,2,7,0,1,11,0,17,4,36,13,5,32,0,3,0,1,14,14,1,4,10,102,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924204662169322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777004688804646,0.0,0.098735970340413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489707363582985,0.1206603060834048,0.0,0.0,0.1984892502706804,0.10776562875490928,0.07867809991738763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409078338579299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353243879354432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33349588567747657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971691332945497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335180142287002,0.10825535128507373,0.2064534842556641,0.0,0.0,0.2555934213833513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302189920295544,0.0,0.12946481444595906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570103415944902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093189709742621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911639024151022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408919748977657,0.10972822417132501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717789051881496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745920025623373,0.09816133769477632,0.0,0.0,0.1433137290400647,0.0,0.12320914135436847,0.0,0.11269640436726636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361059448379842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135435038699027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492894561318855,0.0,0.2823568953682575,0.0,0.1216442045862182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270097957245343,0.0,0.3073945568392588,0.07526005792806846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525616342597616,0.2807758620690598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612711351193405,0.10244744821711332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964648521013292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916855573998076,0.0,0.0,0.08311497412936956
suicidewatch,At-LowDeSu,2019/01/16,"Hey, I don't know if I want advice, comfort or something else but I wanna talk a bit Like the title says, I don't know what I really expect or want from you guys that I can't find somewhere else on the internet. Maybe it's validation that i'm making the right choice? Maybe it's advice or suggestions? Maybe it's just someone to relate to? 

About 4 months ago I met someone (biologically female, but they are gender queer) at work. The first month was mostly spent getting to know them as a coworker, and getting their contact information. The second month was mostly spent online playing games and sometimes going out to movies or for tacos. The third month was mostly getting to know them and spending most days out of the week with them. The fourth month, we've basically been dating without making it official. We've done all the usual stuff, kissing, sex, late night phones calls, you name it.

But they're extremely suicidal and I really don't know how to cope or deal with it, nor do I know the best way to help them. They are dealing with real life external issues (that I can't really talk about) and they are dealing with health issues. They can't eat most kinds of foods, they're so overly concerned about their weight that they won't eat some days, they physically sometimes can't eat because of stress (they'll puke if they even drink water under certain conditions) and have a variety of other medical health issues. They also have clinical depression, ocd, dpd and some other one that I can't even remember. They've been abused in the past and have almost no self esteem or self love. 

They have a lot of pressure to succeed-- to the point where they don't think they can even take a single semester (summer or not) off and they've never dipped below a 4.0 GPA. They're very smart yet they think they're stupid or worthless. They think they don't deserve 'love or happiness' and they insist that everyday is suffering. 

Sometimes they seem happy when were together, either laughing or kissing or playing a game. But often they look very sad and many of our nights spent together end up with one of us crying. Either me crying at the thought of them dying or them crying because their depression. 

It's hard to know what to say, because I feel bad 'making' them live. If their life really is so awful and terrible, and everyday is suffering, why should I try to 'force' them to live? But at the same time, even though i've only known them for such a short while.. I can't bare the thought of losing them..? I don't want them to die! I love them so very much. I'd be fine if they left me and we had to just be friends-- but i'm not even remotely fine with the thought of *losing* them. I don't know what to say because how can I honestly say that things will get better? Their real life situation is hard. Their internal issues are hard. Their health issues seem to have no signs of improving, but rather seem to be getting worse.

Now-- I know how I can feel better. I'm studying Stoicism and understand the philosophy quite well. I'm not *as* worried about myself. It's still very hard though. Certain songs or other things will trigger it and i'll end up crying at the thought of losing them. Only an hour ago we were cuddling in bed when a song by linkin park came up, one that they had put in their spotify playlist for me-- talking about dying and being remembered-- a song asking the listener to remember them for what they did right and to remember the good times. That instantly put me to tears. I *can't* lose them, I just CAN'T. But how can I save them? I feel so utterly and completely powerless. I can't fix their situation. They don't even truly believe that I love them-- they've been told that countless times before. It doesn't help that we've only known each other for a short while-- so they seem to think i'm just saying things. They tell me they love me-- but they won't accept that I love them back? 

I don't know.. I just don't know anymore. But I really don't want to lose them. ",3.681075353218208,5.565565357142859,4.225224489795919,86.25274254317114,73.36224489795919,7.375635792778652,24.05133437990581,8.139509932561175,1.3281688226059662,3176,94,624,50,65,1004,310,784,0.149,0.7040000000000001,0.147,0.7402,1,0,2,0,1,0,107.0,4,2,55,12,39,47,1,2,32,1,61,26,0,8,4,141,122,65,4,12,39,0,8,1,1,6,8,9,1,3,35,31,7,0,36,8,4,4,31,16,1,6,22,18,98,31,74,90,17,64,0,11,1,11,98,24,1,31,36,410,133,4,0.0,0.053051163524890914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750740533980966,0.07938083673589022,0.0,0.044835787888418174,0.0,0.0,0.03580662569346907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044404860827328564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185866775959196,0.0,0.0,0.0344292827136862,0.037385332396199636,0.10917792441605167,0.0,0.03810030629962021,0.050446196979669414,0.04698869769737673,0.07919986229426469,0.04888280490607914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045720376106167235,0.05121077816849718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046945833126300414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673334872634374,0.05775246166499137,0.13848346443869358,0.07712944397867351,0.0,0.13940843236830242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582046571690068,0.0,0.04386254508181635,0.0,0.1374482947526197,0.07480768957027673,0.0,0.07931488488853602,0.0,0.0,0.17744115984614864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791889708196225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092362383069875,0.038085671230480934,0.05414222018258067,0.0,0.03459312578060634,0.0,0.11696569033744247,0.0,0.025446717193018744,0.03755522366657624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433438159782095,0.0,0.09532783817105607,0.16043875440557834,0.0,0.0,0.14278149023645498,0.0,0.0,0.06002360203581668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409444734709028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336678207761785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662636918016235,0.2706794215586529,0.0,0.050508255167186586,0.0,0.048648269552160346,0.0,0.09487791702328026,0.021874848761371718,0.0,0.07907445486940899,0.0,0.03759980122274169,0.250459380196006,0.0,0.03806618289417083,0.242467617400644,0.0,0.08966316678078959,0.04539491657093669,0.13494779729320552,0.0,0.0,0.0451061956164947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869526025731722,0.0,0.03291484524154339,0.0,0.034533312016756294,0.0,0.0,0.08403678326072632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102228541127873,0.10216042760315547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274289267368632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232693547187974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002267085272468,0.0,0.04762382287819666,0.0,0.10192771669348924,0.14342035553055854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028858079346597,0.07647536954617652,0.0,0.1780347554620782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630462521208964,0.0934203741630839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065816106455294,0.0,0.0,0.0758755819925733,0.034470054102757566,0.13285113561268067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575744710631263,0.0,0.051289717749622966,0.0,0.05125676913522753,0.04897668444782486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033665297605196765,0.10796557110353044,0.03913540482210482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923974668327304,0.11476028661565768,0.08798260306936169,0.1421856896550255,0.07832615039616432,0.0,0.0,0.04278452015376333,0.0,0.030399349031146095,0.0,0.0,0.04661245088907636,0.05385892386444694,0.0,0.0493134391594806,0.14777656380075566,0.10563803973081624,0.035540384712549215,0.035915878810783536,0.05452400079092056,0.04025818587743344,0.0,0.04040255711022118,0.0,0.0,0.04316159184686783,0.0,0.03259680097111302,0.04547128037390492,0.045629645007872366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kingofdeathhill,2019/01/16,"I’m able to ignore sadness but I don’t know what else I can do. Continuing life hurts my spirit In my family, I am the favorite. I was the one everyone could ignore because I was the youngest. I was also the one who defended my siblings so I could somehow change how my family observed my siblings. I do my best to not draw attention to myself. I just try to make everyone else happy. I always had my hobbies but in practical terms I never really fell in love with whatever I did(school, relationships, work) I just drop what I do to please everyone but recently it has come to my attention that I am not a complete person. I am living with no goals and no passion for a relationship. I don’t care what I am doing for work. I could have a girlfriend (had many before) but I don’t see the point or use of it. My hobbies are just dead ends so I don’t see a point in continuing them. I don’t want anything. I buy clothes, food, and games just because I can. It was always easy to give me whatever I wanted but now I just wish I could reach the end game already. ",1.6650537634408629,3.7172791612903215,3.883317972350232,85.62592933947774,79.96774193548387,7.266973886328723,25.079877112135183,8.269060116576782,1.7044384024577568,826,32,171,17,21,284,109,217,0.11,0.6970000000000001,0.193,0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,11,9,0,0,10,0,28,4,0,3,1,35,41,12,1,7,13,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,8,5,1,2,3,2,1,2,10,4,0,2,6,2,39,5,16,31,2,17,1,2,2,2,10,6,0,2,8,128,47,3,0.11654589641362822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286112947897428,0.09320171125510587,0.19395104422648327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590734239447328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209059342769334,0.0,0.09917197383712087,0.0,0.12230772797569547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188263087705178,0.0,0.12329010497123585,0.10039397008141797,0.12219615501121875,0.0,0.0,0.3722096594415179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471828322159432,0.0,0.2064501431354255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340937954636666,0.0,0.0,0.21973819763922028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092776055934358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180144361710202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406527389444505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476479257035238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405057673042505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231981330857932,0.0,0.0,0.10291216175303808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518722176889422,0.0,0.07779529084981404,0.1181592463616518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898873801408002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794903128276186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176338136359417,0.0,0.1279323961863202,0.22034708614742046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466228557080605,0.0,0.1150750125067513,0.25025335332817245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795066925904467,0.18574398038717224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791270133912907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065823476312567,0.0,0.0,0.13748357860962485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402202916029726,0.0,0.0,0.16969360128809674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FadingFriend,2019/01/16,"I’m able to ignore sadness, but it feels so comforting to embrace it. Life is indifferent to how I feel so why not go to where I’ll end up anyway. In my family, I am the favorite. I was the one everyone could ignore because I was the youngest. I was also the one who defended my siblings so I could somehow change how my family observed my siblings. I do my best to not draw attention to myself. I just try to make everyone else happy. I always had my hobbies but in practical terms I never really fell in love with whatever I did(school, relationships, work) I just drop what I do to please everyone but recently it has come to my attention that I am not a complete person. I am living with no goals and no passion for a relationship. I don’t care what I am doing for work. I could have a girlfriend (had many before) but I don’t see the point or use of it. My hobbies are just dead ends so I don’t see a point in continuing them. I don’t want anything. I buy clothes, food, and games just because I can. It was always easy to give me whatever I wanted but now I just wish I could reach the end game already. ",1.6002392344497594,3.625823649122808,3.8746251993620433,85.74222488038279,80.05263157894737,7.303349282296653,25.27591706539075,8.296473431620573,1.7379754385964916,864,34,180,18,22,298,118,228,0.095,0.6990000000000001,0.206,0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,16,9,0,0,10,0,26,4,0,4,1,38,41,15,1,7,14,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,5,1,2,4,2,1,3,10,3,0,2,6,4,37,6,20,31,2,20,0,1,2,2,10,8,0,2,8,135,46,3,0.1145855351678646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264479874075722,0.09163401107512772,0.1906886890310024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429413212281312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970055738768886,0.0,0.09750385080440427,0.0,0.1202504497929442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682758982923362,0.0,0.12121630270784295,0.09870529245044006,0.1201407535424691,0.0,0.0,0.3659489036867344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957215113380225,0.0,0.304466320110033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32847416792437845,0.0,0.0,0.2160420894095744,0.0,0.11587577898195442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855728395953013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992088648011336,0.06512160026059165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197843289556047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093515218592684,0.0,0.0,0.10118112685754588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341791920697947,0.0,0.0764867344958123,0.11617174774931173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837542869562996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529224825340734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005166953845156,0.0,0.12578050822390532,0.2166407361034233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340642795885131,0.0,0.1131393922763026,0.246043964661704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596667901963995,0.18261967217907726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077796056786909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896511206581264,0.0,0.0,0.13517103490170512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339562284911863,0.0,0.13176771047444666,0.0,0.0,0.16683926861868542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amitheassholegf,2019/01/16,"The revolving door of bipolar disorder is almost over I don’t want to be alive anymore. You know,all the other times I’ve tried to kill myself I’ve always thought about what would happen if I survived because I guess there was always a part of me that wanted to. I don’t feel that way this time. I’m not planning for what will happen if I survive because I don’t plan to survive. I don’t even feel depressed. I feel peaceful because I know I don’t have to do this anymore. I know this is the right choice. I won't bug anyone anymore. I won't worry my parents/brothers/boyfriend. I won't fuck up my kids. They're all free. And so am I. I wrote out my suicide note and who gets what of the shitty belongings I have. It feels good. It feels peaceful. ",0.8576470588235309,3.0542818535031877,2.367178718621208,94.54015736230801,83.96815286624205,4.458448857249906,23.248032971150245,5.5289334501034215,0.2320074185088048,589,22,126,3,17,191,90,157,0.122,0.718,0.16,0.4574,1,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,1,0,5,4,5,2,0,5,0,18,2,0,0,1,21,35,5,2,5,3,0,5,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,12,3,0,0,8,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,3,5,23,3,13,26,2,7,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,4,2,81,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000404242009185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492928307622783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44568695728807456,0.1047443280226377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27395186038997005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902336427329394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168490083548954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989421342569498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787193816527189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848859183233272,0.07826482906350482,0.0,0.0,0.12564595447719004,0.0,0.0,0.16502266780427854,0.0,0.2649370231712092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573258912916378,0.0,0.24698010235673515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221986296993926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279292181286745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385795806221898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892524491608154,0.1747003118114603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170503199273867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671299802283635,0.11890504499029338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213016635456664,0.0,0.1064143179484596,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Felicitysrose,2019/01/17,"depression severe recently its been like three or four years since I've been so depressed that I think about death and dying. I am not going to kill myself, I don't want to. But these feelings get so overwhelming sometimes ,and they're back and I don't know why. For a week or two part of my overpowers my entire self and thinks that life would be betterw ithout me. and my friends and family completely mistreating me and pushing me to the side when I truly care for them only makes it worse. I don't know whjy these thoughts are back, but I am tryign to ingore them by staying busy and getting things done. it gets so bad at night. but my sorrow practically paralyzes me so I can't move, and then just sleep. I don't and will not take my life. But I keep thinking about death due to how depressed I am recently, overwhelmingly all of a sudden. Don't knlw what to do, i just hope it goes away, though it probably won't until I resolve the many psychological factors thatr are plaguing my mind.",4.4696229151559095,5.645797619289343,4.932374909354603,84.76265228426398,70.26903553299492,8.26816533720087,27.269398114575786,8.634040054169528,1.8105854967367647,789,26,160,13,14,251,121,197,0.187,0.745,0.068,-0.9796,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,1,14,13,1,2,4,0,19,3,1,2,1,36,36,25,4,3,10,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,11,10,0,1,8,0,0,3,9,8,0,3,4,1,26,5,16,28,2,19,0,6,0,0,4,3,0,3,13,111,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744822725604976,0.2086139143699008,0.11326260549847005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383048525271793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222709914227444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505070528633663,0.0,0.1407839319723535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881768596437705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278793363756363,0.0,0.06858903169617994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480333615132068,0.0,0.21261555790622289,0.0,0.0770933760898432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347316780496684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057250800770468,0.15007731792419834,0.0,0.14910007153533858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162809578972304,0.06627204325324655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054784533509047,0.13752844224363836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696846130598264,0.0,0.0,0.14417514634727222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127298922060509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316841273956807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689640749886418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625431661602542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26787725376618543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151318586949946,0.1532465945016669,0.0,0.11221159853102584,0.0,0.13574858996406786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341619364109438,0.0,0.0,0.1445855170458236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199238784977603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012024748328326,0.2607583289368163,0.1332760500370272,0.10769144369411918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325109495303052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001025303762857,0.0,0.10881074881897146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240358969148996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823957553169278,0.09636231178402203,0.0,0.0,0.0873545548297233
suicidewatch,tmidds12,2019/01/17,"Worried about gf My gf has depression and is suicidal, her parents won’t let her get treatment, if I tell someone her parents will lock her in her bedroom and destroy her life. What do I do?",3.4954385964912262,5.073296263157896,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,73.21052631578948,7.171929824561403,36.35087719298246,7.793537801064563,2.8376035087719305,150,9,29,2,3,49,28,38,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.9313,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,3,8,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573527549594843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561086977492117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055393891094068,0.2110486136138439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635557062490374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531690759412473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32683457889088824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611610748862181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30344207535050394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlBundyIsMyHero666,2019/01/17,"Why do I continue trying? I'm at my wits end. My life sucks and I have nothing to live for . I have severe mental health problems that affect me internally and on the outside I seem normal but I'm anything but . I'm 32 years old, can't work due to these issues even though I want to or I want to go back to school to learn something useful but it's a vicious cycle I can't really articulate how I feel but I'll try .....

I want to have a life , I've missed so much and I know I'll never get to experience certain things but I want to have a life , go out on dates , have a relationship. I've never been with a girl and at my age with my circumstances I doubt I'll ever have that experience. Which is why I want to go back to school and try to build something of a life but the more I think about trying to i doesn't seem like it's possible and I get so depressed that at least once a day I place a knife on my wrists . 

I have nothing to live for and I want to end it but the fact is I can't because I'm a care giver to my parents and they have said as they get older they need my help more so I'm stuck . I'm basically living a shit life and being miserable and depressed every day simply so I won't put my family through any heartache . I just don't know anymore how I can go on day after day. 

Thank you for listening. ",-0.0708803763440855,1.8797586458333344,2.496420250896062,93.71157258064515,85.80555555555554,5.5216845878136205,18.66532258064516,6.828538100315305,0.02000860215053768,1022,27,242,13,31,353,132,288,0.159,0.752,0.08900000000000001,-0.9775,1,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,3,1,13,14,3,2,13,0,20,8,2,4,5,48,54,26,0,9,9,1,1,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,9,13,0,0,7,0,0,5,8,9,0,0,3,3,36,5,34,49,4,33,0,4,0,0,11,9,2,4,20,148,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319342021840349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215842945720044,0.0,0.0,0.07647085016794122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290996810324416,0.0,0.056647323390482875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474508027368107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972042993352535,0.0,0.1600754577212197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461115039476792,0.0,0.0,0.06137728433257845,0.08405762355940796,0.0782948488222101,0.0,0.0,0.18180051099310215,0.08760313010618145,0.0,0.04698658937271606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565127494206956,0.0,0.2112497999234228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877685798797356,0.0,0.0,0.0622868847117348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699145082858146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214029362166556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281847850335189,0.0453993474791189,0.0,0.2461682381784674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364837204349788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831190069670437,0.06890405522101872,0.14334177565808587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104854763641236,0.1783315688543909,0.0,0.09751105947798656,0.09896402426688247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318422996682527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708874232282552,0.0,0.0,0.10476102044400352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891841110140226,0.0,0.09341711477928663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059531296671715125,0.0,0.0,0.09976862150799372,0.0,0.0,0.08839468028320006,0.0,0.0,0.18809379409175594,0.0,0.1691941630306483,0.0,0.1049808494237422,0.0953880393310228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307920305246366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555452535831727,0.0,0.0,0.06173644616272394,0.05954375028717696,0.09130012308740798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25236482772692315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025893113668434,0.0,0.0,0.3288638558192862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677039918585344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765182745439201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984182158747721
suicidewatch,knightofpower1,2019/01/17,"Hey It's Me Again It's not like I *want* to die, but that thought is just piercing my mind. I've been cutting increasingly more dangerously (not caring about infections, more cuts at once, etc) and that's become incredibly addicting. I didn't say anything to a friend who just came back from a mental hospital. I feel like I'm losing myself, like I'm slipping from reality.

​

My dad can't afford anything. I hate going to my school counselor now, it has just become another chore. She isn't a bad counselor, it just never helps.

​

I hate myself more than anyone. All I can think about is that I don't deserve to live.

​

I've attempted to kill myself before, maybe I was supposed to die.",2.9560688216892608,5.510536124087594,4.074603753910324,83.27914233576642,78.27007299270073,6.542022940563086,25.844108446298232,7.7094869923839395,1.656645881126173,567,22,103,9,14,184,84,137,0.235,0.632,0.133,-0.9334,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,6,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,2,16,21,2,3,1,7,1,1,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,5,2,16,5,12,16,6,8,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,66,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449601897887798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712104228741612,0.4163003864569405,0.0,0.11974977539128008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985204086489489,0.0,0.18795549400894615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781357077454326,0.09535312017983112,0.0,0.2522522108152966,0.09717669611639908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061559633744946,0.11643559819622976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370453535951956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736437661445454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057743490480028165,0.08158526458407657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823146053636483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490309774361525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254998197054344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654656748657652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634655956670635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673786174283747,0.0,0.1008416338045433,0.0,0.0,0.12776178168967398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473032076621367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508781445422175,0.0,0.11531052189976618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807890260395546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162040849124255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908172716179358,0.0,0.1155775760008292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317543204890055,0.0,0.09066289026031253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735874775208796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163003864569405,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway40593698,2019/01/17,Might as well I’m a worthless nobody. I’ve never felt this unwanted but man is it hitting me. What’s the point if I’ve got no one? It’s not like someone would even miss me or notice I’m gone. No one cares until it’s too late ,-0.2884615384615365,1.2552993846153908,2.308307692307693,97.03669230769232,84.0,4.929230769230768,18.092307692307692,5.6839178017228535,-0.5332353846153843,176,4,44,1,5,61,40,52,0.248,0.652,0.1,-0.7292,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,11,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,2,3,1,2,3,2,5,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904026946189796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881272220899407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734810215826505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278041994348225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213001226587377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915332388548174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021591262219969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967809717577905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32428031432053483,0.0,0.0,0.3860157297787923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26925597635213194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133514135779305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560959593163893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233473005797056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,captainbeazy,2019/01/17,My life is nothing I really can’t stand to be here any longer...like fuck I just wish it would end already ,-0.5997101449275384,1.5585783043478258,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,92.04347826086956,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.4674811594202897,83,2,20,1,3,27,22,23,0.151,0.733,0.116,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417799188792637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574638632343606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33533097722527433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350013515246886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674193684008283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632809752598625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254356816703784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43537618647768295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268949586423943,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BudThePud,2019/01/17,"How do you keep the thoughts away? I have been having really bad suicidal thoughts for the past week. I’m trying really hard to stop thinking about it, but it’s so hard. The thoughts keep creeping back up and today was probably the worst. I have thought nothing but killing myself all day. I’ve always been depressed. I do think about suicide often. But today was different. It was literally all I thought about. I couldn’t even focus because I was thinking of ways to do it and why I deserve it. 

I have attempted in the past, but all my attempts never work out. There are always interruptions. I was really close to doing it two times. I found my dads handgun under the mattress. They don’t know I know where the key to the gun safe is. I have thought about doing it while they are out of town. My parents have not listened to my cries for help. They believe mental illness is fake and doesn’t exist. It’s not like they would care anyway. I feel so hopeless. So alone. My boyfriend doesn’t want to even hear it. I annoy him constantly with my depression. I’m tired of venting to my only friend and annoying her. I have no one. 

The only thing that kept me living was my cat until my parents killed him. I hate my life. I want my cat back. He was the only good thing left in this world. He made me so happy. 

How do I make this go away? I don’t want to think like this anymore. I want to get help but my parents won’t let me. ",0.8051804251112245,3.2198176643598657,2.247586752347999,93.655384083045,86.88927335640139,4.963756796836382,21.05991102323282,6.474141703775902,0.3218918635689572,1111,37,234,12,35,358,144,289,0.254,0.631,0.115,-0.9945,4,1,0,2,0,4,35.0,0,1,4,3,18,18,5,0,10,0,34,3,0,4,4,49,65,17,4,6,7,4,3,2,1,2,3,2,1,0,15,8,0,5,14,0,0,1,10,11,0,2,18,5,44,7,28,43,4,29,0,3,0,0,19,13,0,1,16,165,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113196439751384,0.0,0.0,0.14643084058619024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726326063266981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165340564642743,0.1353190355678915,0.07346866860847745,0.053638393951391486,0.0,0.0,0.09913553500554294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971251661168023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508682912883942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665379625781433,0.05674680677468533,0.0,0.1515727478245271,0.0,0.0,0.09193169063009562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162342281912836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044490808044593926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964774046541386,0.06798149785516147,0.0,0.04597157757429434,0.0,0.05000721707686582,0.07380253444951089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366787591360068,0.15764500305176574,0.08687272893621695,0.0,0.0,0.09917206165476686,0.0,0.11795679866965225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642058727371774,0.19469763542338747,0.0,0.09671491925265696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560229547315396,0.08997658638476806,0.06215052622040777,0.08597575099656743,0.0,0.07769751594862337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325905193814967,0.05873456303479875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867406210792897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786395342495677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442957558863734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962486438975085,0.20076297626390915,0.0,0.0,0.29311021484881344,0.0,0.1679944093545092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486899822525496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910753865474373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735642747876771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249537551818008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691439673534172,0.2255238866790633,0.0,0.4191293474440842,0.051308161231511315,0.10113251640206462,0.16681003881409642,0.0,0.0,0.05973999846286631,0.0,0.08595425643963467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075970878413657,0.06984302610960615,0.07058093720199009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939803899049097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640583730234974,0.0,0.0,0.06250616184970888,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwoowowowaaay,2019/01/17,"If I could just die, that would be great. I’ve started vocalizing my suicidal thoughts as jokes, edgy memes that are on par of today’s culture.

But it’s getting a bit serious, not going to lie. Not a day goes past where my mind wanders to “plans” I could do that would make it seem like an accident. Everything from idly hoping I just don’t hop out of a car’s way fast enough to enough detail that I’ve thought of backups to my backups. The jokes are really normalizing it for me, and I realize I have to stop but I realized I only want to because if I actually commit, my friends will feel so guilty they didn’t see any “warning signs.”

I can’t look at something without thinking of how I could use it to kill me. 

No one in my real life knows. ",3.3701298701298685,4.307073935064938,4.811558441558443,85.50162337662337,72.63636363636364,8.197402597402599,28.935064935064936,8.575989854853784,1.983916883116883,582,23,126,10,11,195,104,154,0.17,0.721,0.109,-0.9148,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,1,0,5,0,14,1,0,3,1,35,29,8,3,10,9,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,8,2,0,2,7,2,0,1,3,3,18,6,19,19,3,14,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,4,7,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.1525135041338387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628047527129636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095271065120068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062485532190394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743472018189901,0.0,0.0,0.10079214393492687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220116425531944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229723644704358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046061995491374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902337035486487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207468984807446,0.0,0.08165347315808724,0.0,0.08882146693133541,0.0,0.0,0.17230689784462822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552281907144105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290833800835315,0.0,0.08589121235203359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039008431454644,0.07635390220075962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124166373204196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432274286135458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578052521963431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312801367793474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590407205702347,0.11886325680985685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919356392293331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788874786884204,0.1001214126711224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245404528494142,0.14227775611668572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031731823739487,0.0,0.0,0.11062069716806963,0.0,0.0,0.13066287592724515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095254075768912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014235751261943,0.0,0.2481487383226735,0.0,0.0,0.14814174045685213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498173253627632,0.0,0.0,0.09218208366004847,0.1240532946363186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065502846010048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204350940804554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamtrash12345,2019/01/17,"Things are getting ""better"" but i know it wont last I told myself a while back that i would kill myself on February 1... Since then some positive things have occured in my life but i know they will not last. They never do. I think im still going to go through with my plan. I just cant go on barely making progress when i know so much bad stuff is still happening to me and that all the bad people that have done horrible things to me are doing great and thriving",3.2368303571428565,4.274976760416672,4.016904761904762,90.69000000000004,73.0625,7.152380952380952,23.089285714285715,7.447530270364453,0.7152160714285714,363,9,80,4,7,116,67,96,0.191,0.687,0.122,-0.8690000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,3,6,5,1,0,2,0,12,1,0,1,2,16,23,8,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,15,2,8,18,3,15,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379713525136837,0.29963475671404965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869212569005128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362019564394236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374528437177436,0.0,0.30592429276126265,0.0,0.0,0.1978232953592753,0.0,0.0,0.1586702282173499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938162552421301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19851380094342647,0.0,0.29583173191134593,0.29252040362349485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673741171861408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977157636695775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190242020200685,0.0,0.1383882378657544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439485312825592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842716569323805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28658763417881555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540555032410707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576179222280245,0.114972130634355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714539963365874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746262422948967,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ifthatswhatyouwanted,2019/01/17,"Trapped.... In a cold, dark, lonely place. is how i would describe my current feelings. whats the difference between being dead and this feeling? 1 is the loniest number. I am too tired to continue. maybe it'll be over soon. No one would care. I hope to go a peaceful one.

good night.",-0.09690909090909017,2.018375400000004,1.3586363636363643,95.11795454545457,104.0909090909091,3.6545454545454548,23.681818181818183,5.6839178017228535,0.5498727272727271,217,10,43,2,10,69,47,55,0.18600000000000005,0.579,0.235,0.2732,1,3,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,7,13,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,4,3,5,8,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27931244660885085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28622166003798005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770368487226752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556933043166996,0.2297780425919188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27209627098494976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752217284908237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570855087271994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712740959772378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28622166003798005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31486766456725035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38921545518427547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hdkk90,2019/01/17,"Can’t stop crying I’m babysitting my sisters baby and I often start crying when I look at her. I look at her sweet face filled with innocence and promise and I don’t want her to be sad like me.

I’m 25, never been married, only have an Associates Degree. I’ve actually done a lot of things in my life that I’m proud of but all I want is to be in a loving relationship. I’ve spent my life looking for love, but now I see that even if I had it I would ruin it, because I’m so sad inside.

I’ve been having dreams where I wake up every day crying, tears streaming down my face. Tears all of the time.

I’m no one’s priority in life and everyone I love loves someone more than me. I don’t begrudge them for it, it just makes me feel sad. I had a boyfriend who I was set to marry and who I thought loved me but he told me multiple times he loved his mother and sister more. He ended up leaving me because they didn’t like me, and moved out and got on a flight while I was at work.

I just want to vent. I could go on about my suicidal thoughts but that’s obvious. I’ve researched the methods, but if I haven’t pulled the metaphorical trigger yet I won’t. Part of me has hope that I can cure my chronic illness and finally be happy. But every night I pray I pass away peacefully. I don’t want to be around the baby because I feel she deserves better than me.",1.6975977011494263,3.0802599034482796,3.6080172413793123,90.71662356321842,77.55172413793103,6.488505747126437,23.46264367816092,7.1686216300943375,0.7269885057471264,1052,33,239,12,24,356,153,290,0.131,0.6409999999999999,0.229,0.9859,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,3,11,18,0,0,9,0,25,14,3,2,4,42,55,20,1,9,10,3,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,11,12,0,1,4,1,1,5,9,4,0,1,13,7,46,14,29,35,6,34,1,4,4,6,23,15,0,5,15,156,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.10014596357104673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091356883344604,0.0,0.0,0.0964183789927355,0.0,0.0,0.18767543250169647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076235566638413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819367033522683,0.0,0.3381820684648888,0.06618382045629828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050197130582097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089417056237643,0.0,0.0,0.06778201036080216,0.0,0.1729298489424235,0.09806137846006466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037792897588241,0.0,0.0,0.11241928757504853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058323434650262275,0.0,0.08207757726281242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924487622013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019285264001466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866371968866044,0.0,0.0,0.2174585409696158,0.10027354825700284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258534277664593,0.0,0.0,0.08724703126037013,0.5557315755507732,0.0,0.0685021412730551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907279136897163,0.0,0.0,0.07914975245683037,0.0,0.0,0.09630542516639223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954050005264434,0.07804997632189861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111315064621621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017948757873446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177783157637017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869527592562813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263760918558118,0.0,0.0,0.08579803924257745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225371167181054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817865076542176,0.0,0.0,0.16294356784600209,0.11968145253959897,0.0,0.0,0.09806137846006466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421205556727913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471130271247307,0.0,0.0,0.07290095828121411,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,life_sucks12,2019/01/17,Alone I feel so alone and broken on the inside. I want to die. I tried antidepressants recently but they haven’t really helped. I just want to die so badly ,1.1330645161290356,3.71121383870968,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,88.03225806451613,6.970967741935485,14.201612903225806,8.07648339933343,0.4930580645161298,123,2,25,3,4,41,23,31,0.475,0.459,0.066,-0.9518,0,2,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5692908946144019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947515920873846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5704692217030874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896447904570505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421563686365888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606588899819103,0.0,0.2713657132725301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865944479197244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242087796468584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cuntchilla,2019/01/17,"A thing of beauty I have decided how I will go, the when is still up in the air (no pun intended). I’ve always known that hanging myself would be my way to opt-out. I will drive out to the woods and pick the most secluded and lovely tree. I don’t want to scar anyone by seeing me hanging there so I will make a drape to cover myself. On it will be pictures of my 5 children, who I love dearly, my cat, and my puppy. I want whoever finds me to know I was a person. My life mattered to others. The overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness were just far too overwhelming to continue living with them. ",3.02390243902439,4.643878747967484,4.556593495934957,84.30171951219513,74.52845528455285,7.846829268292684,24.49512195121952,8.548686976883017,1.6535112195121962,478,15,95,9,10,160,84,123,0.033,0.8240000000000001,0.142,0.9074,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,2,8,0,12,3,0,4,0,21,21,7,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,2,2,18,3,16,12,1,14,0,4,1,2,6,6,0,1,3,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318265690973012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481120354436365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087403096308573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546452945352055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583409822497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531172519471318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679110225128096,0.0,0.0,0.24601850918352136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029143892019323,0.0,0.18597492415229228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432722716740181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201679746230926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249900663448996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509668704169907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286638281675865,0.22114834625746488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979171736097405,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bplate8,2019/01/17,"Smile Sometimes you just have to smile. Not even have happy thoughts, just smile. When you’re in public, smile. When you see your family, smile. When you see yourself in the mirror, smile. I’ve felt depressed, thought about suicide,and felt worthless and hopelessness. Then one day my 3 year old nephew hugged me and told me to smile because it made him happy when I smiled. I will always carry that with me. It’s hard to fake happiness because it’s something you have to feel. But there’s something beautiful about the human bond. We are all in this together. When one person is sad, it does affect the people around you. So just smile, we’re in this together. Smile and survive the day because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Peace and love.",2.8851861702127657,5.695612425531915,2.659640957446808,91.69031250000003,80.77304964539006,5.510815602836879,22.28767730496454,6.9077264865688965,0.7093719858156029,596,19,112,7,16,177,83,141,0.136,0.614,0.25,0.9584,0,0,2,0,0,2,23.0,1,7,0,1,14,10,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,2,22,19,12,0,0,5,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,6,6,15,5,12,11,1,18,0,4,2,2,15,5,0,0,12,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027466270966434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937608708948931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28632180156854065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019430082577789,0.0,0.13484924705594786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137011129218709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340973808741284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475955940121212,0.0,0.0791639928923076,0.0,0.30065399892227684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999992170717281,0.14025153115435732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604405625341031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413060691883425,0.14814563469482406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207526175112922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428868156834456,0.0,0.2121850579123651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854249141275296,0.13670656155742372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495241465885881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241062847180379,0.15484683655398074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485903204152803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496046135112884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082275819671704
suicidewatch,_Wavvy,2019/01/17,"Trying to convince myself to commit suicide. How can I not be scared? Been on reddit trying to figure out what to do. Took Accutane 2016/2017. Left me with multiple side effects including: seborrheic dermatitis (incurable), hair loss, eyebrow loss, eyelash loss, dry eyes with burning tears, and dry mouth, white/scalloped tongue, and tooth decay. I had depression before this so I’ve been going to therapy weekly for about 5 years or so now. But I was able to get through the day working on the things that were going wrong in my life. These side effects aren’t that. They’ve physically changed me and I can’t look at myself anymore. It’s something you can’t run from. There’s no cure. No one on reddit has the answers. None of the doctors I’ve been to can figured out what to do other than steroids for my SebDerm.  
  
So at this point, I just want to kill myself. I hate myself. But I’m terrified of death and don’t want to hurt my family. I don’t know what to do but I can’t be here anymore. How can I get over that fear and just do it? ",2.0861211280628784,4.416991310679613,3.3007628294036064,88.86959546925566,80.06796116504856,6.059731853906612,24.37263060564032,7.2636822038024595,1.0998125751271384,814,30,163,11,21,263,121,206,0.174,0.7909999999999999,0.035,-0.9764,1,0,1,0,0,3,31.0,0,1,0,6,11,12,2,2,4,0,22,6,4,4,1,27,33,14,3,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,6,0,0,4,10,11,0,1,7,3,19,1,30,24,1,22,0,5,2,0,1,13,0,1,5,112,32,2,0.17487541437373755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468588412662936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488060974491763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849950007549585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127801751889878,0.0,0.1506199381526453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789923967173043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485697715824285,0.1967834594296564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273037258744707,0.0,0.1987714559882015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726532671252025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720774794643455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934737360563411,0.0,0.09610695435262176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900026493956226,0.0,0.12351967685258775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685130457538426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850010659094096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653137913123895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750807970508073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462763762464694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128531989658126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998527687985349,0.0,0.1161794548042195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942930198701865,0.2374578544721748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629210052676789,0.0,0.14027450908822578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127311384420214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119881321522128,0.0,0.1126140333410102
suicidewatch,jenbrady,2019/01/17,Too lazy to kill myself Why can't we just go to sleep and not wake up?,-2.2188235294117646,-0.6044867058823513,0.2191176470588232,108.63102941176471,92.52941176470587,3.4000000000000004,8.5,3.1291,-2.5314470588235296,54,0,16,0,2,18,16,17,0.34,0.66,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099222536053132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6033242146757726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457214492251339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920733568907038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrillofyourcharms,2019/01/17,"i want to kill myself but im too cowardly. when i was younger i told myself that if i was ever suicidal that i could just run away from home instead of killing myself, as if my problems were from my environment and not myself.

 but thats not true, because every single reason im suicidal is because of all the flaws i have. im a bitch and an annoying burden to my family and everyone else i come in contact with. everyone would be better off if i was dead, and i genuinely believe that.

i wish there was a pistol in my house so i could shoot myself. i have this weird fantasy where there’s a gun pressing into every square inch of my body and i could just say the right word and every single gun would go off and kill me instantly. i wish i could snap my fingers and be dead. and fuck i sound like i psychopath right now.

but there’s nothing in my house that i could use/want to use to kill myself with, so my only “plan” would be to have my mom drop me off at the mall, go to the top floor, and jump. but i cant do that to her. i just couldnt put her through that -she would feel like a failed mother if she didnt notice any signs when driving me to my own suicide. my mom already said she wouldnt be able to forgive herself if i ever self harmed, but little does she (or anyone else) know that ive been cutting myself on and off for years.

i dont “act” or “look” suicidal either, so it would be a total surprise to everyone if i did it. i would love to see their reactions, is that selfish? im so fucking selfish. does this mean im only suicidal because its a cry for attention? because i want people to care about me? fuck that, no one will ever care about me except for my family, and they’re obligated to love me no matter how much of a bitch i am.

sorry for this total mess, i needed to rant. ",2.7021428571428565,3.7069957486772473,4.409391534391535,87.49440476190479,74.3174603174603,7.3047619047619055,24.346560846560852,7.7094869923839395,1.0805862433862434,1395,41,304,18,28,472,174,378,0.321,0.5770000000000001,0.102,-0.9989,0,0,0,4,0,7,36.0,0,0,1,4,22,29,11,0,12,0,37,7,2,3,7,73,60,33,11,25,20,3,3,2,0,8,0,3,1,1,16,16,0,0,6,2,0,8,9,19,0,1,10,9,61,10,42,31,8,34,0,1,3,5,19,18,5,8,9,225,77,1,0.06697860769268113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739125591174624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554775002534736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683299982892048,0.06862749874681427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292860672821396,0.0,0.0,0.16331815030599153,0.0,0.0,0.07546195464657518,0.0,0.0592371355453559,0.0,0.07439813390031308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657830886578082,0.0,0.0,0.057696139836011975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738484071847474,0.0,0.07357285547728865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722686190547495,0.0,0.07849842938518145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190406444002847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175795576706272,0.16929709723423875,0.19200278986659464,0.0,0.0,0.126282940778455,0.0,0.033866396531404296,0.04784953071861001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857619305989343,0.0,0.0,0.07613097254874134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718500461762453,0.0,0.0,0.15456864111469296,0.0,0.0,0.3617419494744071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964076228225047,0.0,0.036809691145980664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544472899697826,0.06713016081966057,0.0,0.0,0.05624516146845068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090161692416272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295933922900939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688907164707794,0.0,0.0,0.049236983311495314,0.049663788921266584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426778050416643,0.07625558878934019,0.0,0.0,0.04538643799255231,0.10188049864387837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643453318090565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408948190334335,0.0,0.0673320003467226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886516397943479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439873000930954,0.06371199386256947,0.05326407716168533,0.0,0.0,0.05337327858149581,0.0,0.06987329531502494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497706769257838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663186287393356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400092995553155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569602405063875,0.0,0.0,0.07901143634606053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540441867029982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854780871684701,0.0,0.0,0.043132027374173786
suicidewatch,SufferingFromLife,2019/01/17,"Trying to fall asleep before I fall apart I've done so much in the last year. Moved away from my abusive parents, started going to school regularly, trying to accept help and getting out of my comfort zone. But I'm still the same pathetic, miserable, ugly myself that I was since forever ago. It's 4 AM and I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes, I either get a glimpse of the possible awful future or a flashback of my terrible past. 

It's depressing to see what the people around me are doing, how far they've gone, the things they've experienced, while all I do is stay holed up in my apartment. Stupid and worthless, that's all I am. I would like to say that the world would be a better place without me, but it's like I don't exist at all in the first place, my absence wouldn't make a difference. 

In the end, I don't know what to do. My life is not worth living, I'd prefer not existing so that I wouldn't have to suffer this agonizing pain anymore.",4.1262124170246,4.6916493604060925,5.3545177664974615,83.66399843811014,70.6243654822335,8.295040999609528,26.82897305739945,8.384062270229773,1.6474032799687621,752,23,157,11,13,251,121,197,0.162,0.7559999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9391,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,1,1,12,1,19,5,3,2,3,26,28,10,0,5,7,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,1,5,8,7,0,1,3,4,21,5,21,20,6,33,0,4,2,0,3,16,0,1,13,104,32,1,0.0,0.1867173244265464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969323631433406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628605018854766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028771740804205,0.0,0.0,0.1480601549644842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409672435853714,0.0,0.0,0.13937476013695432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573126824492895,0.0,0.0,0.1646470772644286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612683717789502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395771752172651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277562068497936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404521519698592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646676098952242,0.0,0.08956152201054345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562865760063024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660685272768283,0.12845615657647466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130984780656733,0.1539801565725256,0.0,0.1391540699835584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519195363211503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749228270800467,0.11584612719250367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768592231643958,0.0,0.17498405559039104,0.0,0.15043663565526205,0.10925244552388808,0.0,0.3292941545288572,0.0,0.0,0.17765804165009869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532118425344965,0.0,0.1594885910964368,0.12557811635444646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035933904312136,0.0,0.1577029174828012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154238211240916,0.1679690217771039,0.1258508656248775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469520129931197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189147647214996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139853205195464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519102770263769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238935624708894,0.0,0.0,0.10148221912069333
suicidewatch,TheVulpix,2019/01/17,"Tips on overcoming cognitive dissonance? My psychological need to die and my biological imperative to survive are constantly at odds, and that cognitive dissonance is a major component in my perpetual discontentment.

​

I have to assume those who have overcome this hurdle have somehow managed to fight through the aforementioned biological imperative. How does one accomplish this?",12.455862068965516,15.410265103448276,12.037413793103447,34.586465517241415,53.13793103448275,16.834482758620688,52.43103448275862,14.554592549557764,9.890089655172412,328,22,34,16,4,108,45,58,0.109,0.846,0.045,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,8,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,29,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37961126569064224,0.4257216577778986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37861105401089024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36361487107891344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30659945072169364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25978500416221273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23741072195468946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257216577778986,0.0
suicidewatch,skrazaz,2019/01/17,"Life is Pretty Terrible... My ex decided to leave me when she apparently couldn't handle my depression, and that was when things got even worse. I talked about suicide too much, and was hospitalized for a very miserable 5 days. Ever since I've gotten out, despite medication, I haven't felt any better. At first I tried to be friends with my ex, and then decided I couldn't take it. Sounds ok, right? NO, my few only friends are friends with her friends so I'm stuck with those goddamn morons. Literally all I feel anymore is pain, and the only thing making me brave enough to talk to anyone is a good ol shot of vodka. I've pretty much given up and I WILL kill myself if things don't get better real fuckin soon",3.3106190476190456,5.266545300000004,4.300000000000002,85.01333333333334,74.57142857142857,7.238095238095237,23.809523809523807,8.07648339933343,1.301880952380952,562,17,111,9,12,182,99,140,0.213,0.607,0.18,-0.6617,1,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,3,8,16,3,1,3,1,12,4,0,1,2,20,22,10,2,3,1,2,2,0,4,1,3,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,7,3,15,9,13,11,5,11,0,2,0,1,10,4,1,1,7,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972758371153751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186268668010232,0.10002073122047077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25302421943058395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922525059367266,0.0,0.12320486925412275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478042276288104,0.0,0.09448019576540027,0.12939283345339814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232809679600556,0.0,0.1373461010597258,0.0,0.0,0.1216744190637327,0.0,0.0,0.44206635692273294,0.0,0.0747353635233124,0.0,0.0,0.11997976863230693,0.11440654425063755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582586385792479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146451771100464,0.0,0.0,0.10103725857005537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548397404232373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410328006559267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030978548868212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175850790829382,0.152210484746029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910573742638959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281708204800396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216006521066905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832870590938195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564685467086513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755240478581064,0.2299490896617063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850991983145574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711849663608094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802750857979642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577557304474775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,colonelegg,2019/01/17,"I’m trying to get help, and my method might seriously hurt me I took 6 200mg ibuprofin all at once about 30 minutes ago because I want to go to the hospital and get help. My plan is that if im in enough pain, i’ll get my sister to help me call poison control. I have come to recognize that I am ill, and that I need help, and I am scared to ask. That is why I took the ibuprofin. I doubt just 6 tablets would kill me, but I’m sure i’d need some sort of medical help for it. (apparently adults shouldnt take more than 800mg once, and I’m 15). For some background, I’ve been suicidal for about 5ish years. I’ve struggled with depression, and have wanted to die. Now I realize that it is part of an illness, and that deep down I really don’t want to die. I just want help. I want to get better now and I cant do it on my own. ",0.9922710622710618,2.1786280439560457,2.951890109890112,95.50977655677656,79.0,6.831355311355313,21.47399267399268,7.554174236665415,0.4113856410256416,632,17,162,9,15,213,100,182,0.225,0.64,0.134,-0.9728,1,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,2,3,3,0,14,5,0,1,2,32,34,10,4,10,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,9,0,0,3,0,20,2,22,28,7,13,0,2,0,0,10,5,0,6,4,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707121246038408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129204098441943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363120131895473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682710879902237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333798193938125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404810683031868,0.0,0.0,0.13547393486046513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403446754622103,0.0,0.2507176038055351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480622085420698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524268333903013,0.0,0.06864656446134809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4857696222777712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293059777942315,0.0,0.1304716922515088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363394887601773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168113244263062,0.0,0.128136906300717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912543993291608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572704077789837,0.0,0.0,0.12852687423289838,0.0,0.0,0.13080155803216614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737984122917821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092979005401902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262737708286138,0.0,0.13212239129112865,0.0,0.11384119502856123,0.0,0.0908174914915794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683996702967336,0.08200707608060745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35621925457743386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899231991429524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580428025123013,0.0,0.0,0.07778346705328679
suicidewatch,katiethegingenv,2019/01/17,"I know better I'm an educated person. I know the official diagnosis for this is situational crisis and depression. I know this isn't permanent. I know if I took my vitamins and got some sun and a shower and took my hormones to help balance me out I would at least feel like it was better. I know logically suicide isn't the answer. But honestly, even with all of that knowledge, the experience of caring for people when it doesn't go as planned, being the surviving family member, even knowing all of that I can't help but think maybe it's just easier. Maybe instead of fighting I can just let go. And then I won't disappoint anyone anymore. And then I can't be a failure anymore. And I can be with my family that have already died and my dogs that have died and it won't hurt anymore. I can just be done with it and no one would even notice I'm gone.",3.5737883503779457,4.883501976878616,5.4924855491329465,79.3866518452646,72.58381502890174,8.791285015562472,27.758559359715427,9.265573868473778,2.369236905291241,674,25,134,15,13,233,92,173,0.13,0.711,0.159,0.091,1,0,0,0,2,1,15.0,0,0,0,4,8,9,1,0,7,0,22,1,0,0,2,36,39,17,3,3,6,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,11,14,0,0,11,0,0,5,8,4,0,1,6,1,18,5,13,24,4,10,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,100,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380240385778096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721241693314917,0.0874557700651212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123841413087966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752291354047304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077274339520787,0.0,0.2596174589213371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799576762243364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478337693318733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234794027309152,0.2358202949247732,0.0,0.06324198319142743,0.0893540360757875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421666955859882,0.0,0.10003438593019492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767108098606845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389602033814627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124296837858848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789827863013933,0.0,0.0611056220191077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513105098817512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239940349118338,0.0,0.0,0.08475446586063863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867116749254824,0.10921119251695204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405902187084043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681240955149934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014339634114462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779271950597044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770024015287628,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hanjanss,2019/01/17,"Why does it HAVE to get better? Why is being suicidal so impossible for people to comprehend? I feel like I can’t talk about my self harming and my suicidal thoughts with even my absolute closest friends because they just tell me it’ll get better and this will pass but why does it have to? Why does thinking this way have to be so inherently bad? People like us that have these thoughts are going through enough in our lives to get to this point, like honestly I’m struggling like crazy just to make it one more day and one more day and people making me feel awful about being suicidal just adds to the pain 😔",6.334678571428569,6.4336641583333325,6.140714285714285,81.57000000000002,65.75,9.523809523809524,31.309523809523807,9.23628265651192,2.475452380952381,489,17,97,8,7,153,72,120,0.23,0.63,0.139,-0.9582,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,1,2,8,12,0,1,1,1,12,1,0,2,0,17,24,7,3,0,4,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,2,2,10,8,14,17,3,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267378044439787,0.07496061638606875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751175531221176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860935797691614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228323787273479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270596034895712,0.0,0.08121970801617891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435340243629753,0.08784890864195763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500536102347104,0.0,0.1927383094839856,0.0,0.06988598165766967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403053042489788,0.0,0.10858367035473332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641652079383598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666536321218669,0.0,0.13084743345335886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557531705313971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624522776653848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828323798491922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285536501530551,0.0,0.4035236032622546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883763348291792,0.10748011866589377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879341787603032,0.0,0.19524692367666904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791628078160146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760688010511454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438407270706824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nilingami,2019/01/17,"i think ive worked up enough courage to kill myself now I think its finally time. i cut off all friends, my dog died awhile ago i don't need to take care of him anymore, there's nothing i want to do or become and my family will get over it eventually. This feels surprisingly calming no more homework, relationship stress, sleepyness and stupid cold canadian weather.

​

​",5.383145539906106,7.785525366197183,5.14612676056338,79.24388497652583,69.98591549295774,8.67699530516432,32.960093896713616,9.2995712137729,3.2183220657276994,315,15,55,7,6,97,59,71,0.237,0.595,0.168,-0.7083,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,12,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,10,5,7,11,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,32,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096072002662253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690400685390048,0.4138664048314288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889188975113684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188083026698748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363225205000415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674456618223522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175965476910274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160543731907008,0.0,0.08610882280501665,0.0,0.0,0.1865553818331652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157339707029694,0.0,0.08897474785003352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841177454480215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627533006298755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340749209539532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283852191921726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950781332075484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804444436129914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824279272340386,0.0,0.0,0.0993033293418071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044738248995312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398046550040676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138664048314288,0.0
suicidewatch,SERGIOX1209,2019/01/17,"My life is over the edge, I don't know what to do If this is not the right subreddit to post this I'm sorry, I don't know where else to look.
It's not exact but I can say that I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 8, I've had a few failed suicide attempts over the past few years.
Recently I entered University, thinking it would give me some sort of purpose for life, but as weeks go by I just feel worse and I don't know what else to do, I don't enjoy things anymore, I've tried going to a psychologist and a psychiatrist but none of them seem to work. I've got a few close friends but I can't talk to them about this because I know I will end up pushing them away and scaring them. If anyone has some sort of advice or help they can provide I'd appreciate it. I live in Colombia if that helps.
Again I'm sorry if this isn't the right subreddit to post this. ",1.8046702317290555,3.0499458663101606,3.4698609625668446,92.38988948306593,76.96791443850267,6.697896613190732,23.69661319073084,7.3011,0.6784106238859184,675,21,161,8,15,225,102,187,0.163,0.7609999999999999,0.077,-0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,5,3,5,4,0,1,8,0,18,2,0,0,1,30,33,13,2,5,12,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,13,4,0,0,8,0,0,4,9,2,0,0,5,3,19,2,20,26,6,21,0,1,1,0,11,9,0,10,6,101,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073600829778327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428304916044358,0.1007030851112362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531281067691786,0.0,0.0,0.08779408563701349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062273539519294,0.0,0.1275601791010092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282152808428145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127054717255687,0.0,0.0,0.13815841398757306,0.16370131821969613,0.0,0.11518703995033774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930689664805438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166014967166755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034530946741138,0.0,0.0,0.12717350141315525,0.0,0.12094167153808755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374846865733446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27586530760523426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220372030241762,0.0,0.0,0.24598691279286305,0.0,0.1145315678128383,0.14419050828844093,0.0,0.0,0.1311116390795895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913595908461147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32244024755271283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31507198925991986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575891550128332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568139352274622,0.09228307356777304,0.0,0.11433687424172935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778105112089916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155252495193592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048492669651752,0.0,0.14677007216739849,0.1023086435296224,0.0,0.0,0.0927450353286864
suicidewatch,h_a_n_d_s_a_n_d_w_i_,2019/01/17,"I’m having suicidal ideations.... I keep asking myself “why haven’t I just killed my self already?” And I’m slowly becoming hopeless and all the things that used to matter to me and make me happy, now have no emotional value to me, the only thing I care about is my daughter. I just really need someone to talk to. ",3.3820967741935486,5.0480201129032265,4.852451612903226,82.35867741935486,73.67741935483872,7.540645161290323,25.30322580645161,8.238735603445708,1.6940864516129042,245,8,46,4,5,82,44,62,0.197,0.637,0.166,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,11,12,3,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,6,12,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621342936003996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207037322898546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623472666589015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421906300035699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26720358273775496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528686379048427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111388801037033,0.2628058199922145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856160724991036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613491376622936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066193934123936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217594627820707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780885857067875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012691721202248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598331761849827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092783688628384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156256503692055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516063777937726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143453534738029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lewfloo,2019/01/17,Constant bad thoughts I thought I was finally getting better but I've recently come down. I've noticed that I either feel nothing at all or everything all at once. Neither are ideal but I'd take feeling nothing over this any day. My head is constantly full of thoughts tell me how useless and pathetic I am. I don't necessarily want to die but a part of me really does. Im not sure what to do. Im so angry and upset all of the time lately ,0.7182317682317674,3.1082956483516497,3.3264735264735315,85.94807192807194,87.02197802197801,6.386013986013987,26.954045954045963,7.686295010490155,1.904243956043956,348,17,70,7,11,121,67,91,0.318,0.647,0.035,-0.9858,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,2,0,6,1,1,1,4,21,15,8,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,2,8,3,9,11,7,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,7,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155760154766407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697241256471251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508626134806285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131198522610328,0.0,0.3545531077557288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057967590333512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025491094552034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435586559583772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743488711420982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589420851757125,0.0,0.0,0.17970549593962862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570779910703794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835957391314618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543978724752245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505218815138635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148150872807841,0.18676862381148668,0.0,0.17470472635540396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776469404324302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509272406472636,0.0,0.1619766451516947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461237844752734,0.0,0.12334294593998545,0.0,0.14338432940415138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907050378306806,0.09565713876742862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675918490701806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squeezentipede1,2019/01/17,"Please dear god Mercy kill me because there's just gonna be a lot of suffering for me in the future and a lot of hurt and bitterness and hopelessness. I stay alive because I can't just my family by killing myself but I pray I get a terminal illness so I die naturally, or someone shoots me or I blow up. I'm also too scared to commit suicide myself. Please. ",2.7492342342342373,4.286684554054059,4.847027027027028,82.27882882882884,75.08108108108108,8.176576576576577,27.1981981981982,8.841846274778883,2.1652414414414407,283,11,57,6,6,98,55,74,0.355,0.46,0.185,-0.9632,0,0,0,1,0,5,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,5,8,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,12,1,7,3,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983971856384816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25892900541574065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041627268979916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021238420516607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095946375176473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735652566319897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699326488285578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611147190965359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662575798423019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126288156578047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994836488931282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263681679129841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323085781391058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rozengarten,2019/01/17,someone to talk to is there anyone else who is feeling like doing it right now that wants to talk? pm me and i'll give you my discord,-0.7515517241379293,1.4073075517241378,1.0719827586206918,100.29004310344831,94.17241379310344,2.9000000000000004,17.594827586206893,3.1291,-1.0272827586206899,105,3,24,0,4,34,25,29,0.085,0.789,0.126,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925809119353805,0.3506007390841994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858449485675093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301495567882824,0.2444512934482481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282473260524277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717038194963235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922172600193997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899254335588314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500577689527175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018248405149613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedAssain01,2019/01/17,"i just want to end it all all i want is to end my life the past few years of suffering has made me really deppressed to the point where all i can think of now is how i will kill myself, i have no friend, the therapist i went to said i didnt have ""signs of deppresion"" but all i can think about is how much better the world would be without me, i havent felt happy since 2013,i am unable to do anything  this world would be better of with me gone

bye",5.2162886597938165,3.8294186701030952,5.7223917525773205,88.5893608247423,68.48453608247422,9.409484536082473,25.58556701030928,8.238735603445708,1.1034222680412369,349,6,85,4,5,113,60,97,0.105,0.773,0.121,0.1538,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,4,0,17,1,0,3,4,19,26,3,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,6,2,14,4,12,15,6,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,62,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405001093171132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526219342754769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35313404993455016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140953356112428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401914311504578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122143000784716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205538559794984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408084713433482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863202842935425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465469264621625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030439011528225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845242183114705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277102300853986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896297508778501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490633683993028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314634614948592,0.0,0.25547389270746096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351663804953837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848016400979827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216856649198152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28322840158696466,0.0,0.0,0.12837638739519006
suicidewatch,deathxcakenselfhate,2019/01/17,"Fiance encourages my suicidal thoughts. Pretty much just told me to end it I would attach screenshots of the messages but I'm too dumb to figure out how to post it. 

Here's what was said:

Me: I'm tired of living. I give up

Him: You're so spoiled. You have it all and you're tired of living? Have you seen your friend Becky? That bitch is still trying to go on and you're giving up?  Why are you so tired of living? Because you have issues that aren't resolved the way that you want them to? Because the world doesn't revolve the way that you want it to? That is how life is. You adjust to life, it doesn't adjust to you. 

Me: I'm depressed and contemplating ending it. Have been for a while. Glad to finally know how you really feel

Him: If Becky hasn't killed herself, you know there's hope for anyone. 

Me: That's not true. I'm not Becky. This life isn't for me.

Him: It's a rough one. It's not for everybody.

I've been with him for about 3 1/2 years and he is fully aware of my depression. I've been to psychiatrists and nothing has helped.
 I want to die but never actually thought of methods to do it. So now I'm sitting in my car at a gas station and I have no idea what to do. 
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suicidewatch,assfhsjrjdbcnkske,2019/01/17,"My mum is going to do shit tomorrow full well knowing I am going to get bullied for it. I'm going to lose all friends. What do I do? So I am 15, turning 16 in pretty much a week. Today my mum found out that I watch porn and she freaked. It is a completely normal thing for someone, especially when they are my age, to watch porn but she doesn't see that. She has got it into my head that I am some sort of a sick perv. She says that I will have been watching on the bus and in school (which I haven't, she is just delusional). She is going to phone my school tomorrow, say that I am ""addicted to porn""  and that I watch it at school. 

At the very least I am going to get suspended while they have an investigation into the wild accusations that she will make about me. I can't afford to miss school as I have exams soon.

When people find out, which inevitably they will do, everyone is going to just get at me for it day after day. All my friends will disassociate themselves with me because the amount of shit I will get will also become directed at them. The girl I like will never speak to again. Even the teachers will make fun of me for it. 

I've explained all this to my mother but she will not listen. I think she actually wants this shit to happen to me. What the fuck do I do? I may as well kill myself before everyone finds out that my mum phoned the school and accused me of wanking on the bus and at school. I mean, once she does that my life is over anyway. Any school I go to after they will have found out and I will get bullied there, that means I can't do 6th form and also uni. I am not a retard and the only job I think I would be good at would be a chemist, but without uni, I can't do that. 

Fuck me, I should have killed myself already and I regret not having done it. Why not just do it now?",1.98516129032258,3.3512856771653574,3.511887223774448,91.77449580899165,76.74278215223097,6.385945305223942,20.951739903479808,6.968188349444268,0.2593120142240286,1397,33,321,14,31,462,165,381,0.145,0.7759999999999999,0.079,-0.9861,2,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,5,1,17,18,7,0,16,0,53,12,4,2,4,52,85,20,2,6,11,4,0,1,2,15,3,4,0,1,26,16,0,0,10,0,0,7,11,11,2,0,5,9,60,7,46,63,9,41,0,3,5,5,29,18,5,3,17,243,86,9,0.0,0.0,0.0787504269245032,0.08797364723204994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890531766801033,0.12906966643727255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548779785035225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919326386451352,0.08912552863049628,0.0686687691175943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461119841483182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408815154553076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706200987326925,0.08258293139249281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053300822752855324,0.0,0.0,0.15422239984853456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751455561466414,0.0,0.0,0.17696422560360284,0.12469544725460828,0.1492095544932963,0.2108090659770347,0.0,0.32104107347343763,0.06768635828907874,0.06454223435365779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136171772909702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282029148968653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008114669737995,0.0,0.17856261993711478,0.0,0.04434997202510057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699997726347977,0.039425376984223916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028136003298612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773420471746996,0.0,0.0,0.1758093889429283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593229327517354,0.0,0.062239920359068626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906772924616698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859416309098337,0.0,0.061375104274036765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055946414747265215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820997320701607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834991321688846,0.0,0.5717007409313399,0.06430652739219489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485085988608932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683758652822569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361272350337476,0.10341711643349827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764930644835117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777716470054865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658499449338211,0.04759826668626403,0.0,0.06473174179541376,0.0,0.1451158974613403,0.0,0.07281815122808742,0.0,0.0,0.07779080204691036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465228119310415,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DebbieWinner,2019/01/17,"I cannot fucking make it thru tonight, I don't know how. All my friends are gone, my family doesn't understand or take my struggles or me seriously, I have no college degree and zero future ahead of me, I just cannot fight this anymore. Goodbye Reddit ",3.66,5.351617599999997,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,73.0,7.4,30.5,8.07648339933343,2.2254,200,9,38,3,4,66,40,50,0.131,0.76,0.109,-0.0299,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,1,9,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,9,1,3,11,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799380195641743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36115806178774656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959865981953279,0.3541751477304159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054493389745396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25572610280223784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40050537342829295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28804789074544435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988266587906668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shinonismylife,2019/01/17,"Why do we live? What is our purpose here?  Why do we exist? We all just die in the end so why? Why do we have to live this life? I really find nothing good in living.. I mean ye I can have fun watching some game, drinking, going to parties and stuff but in the end, when i get home i think about my life, i think of what i am doing and i get all depressed. Nothing is really fun if it's just temporary. Find someone u might say.. Well i've tried. I either get with someone who is just a fuck buddy and nothing more or someone who doesn't give a shit about me and is with me just because they want to use me. Nobody trusts me, nobody really loves me so what is the point? I want a reason to live and nothing more. We live in a time when money is everything. In a time when everybody gets offended bcs of little things. In a time when somebody tells us what to do but did u ever wander: What if what i am told to do is not good? What if my parents/grandparents/whoever raised u told me to do this bcs that's what theyr parents told them? What if this is not actually a good thing to do? What if this life has no meaning at all? What if we live just to die? Sorry but i am drunk and english is not my native language so excuse my writing. Just some random thoughts",-0.09818609022556404,2.0813858872180475,2.0248073308270698,95.35119595864664,88.62406015037594,4.828759398496241,18.838815789473685,6.322622252153567,-0.08466127819548896,970,28,219,10,32,324,122,266,0.129,0.7659999999999999,0.105,-0.8408,3,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,8,1,2,0,18,12,3,0,10,0,27,8,1,2,4,54,46,23,2,8,20,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,22,14,2,0,8,3,1,1,5,4,1,0,5,2,33,8,22,40,8,20,0,1,1,2,24,9,2,11,10,158,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.08374876604902433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231559126056201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391736904552197,0.0,0.17813697790560634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407175690220044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520235934471426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762986869044174,0.0,0.0,0.07713024277104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568773972342022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933998937883886,0.17935139998110322,0.08232717571961552,0.04877396461650843,0.2159473620567266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608530610539665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185340500624808,0.0,0.08601503380039972,0.4546882768353725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745666433149041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869681214289635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104235562289484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293896659769984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529389345141044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811284393728035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493709486079333,0.0882381232971267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824818146521801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809386530744015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814717336376385,0.0,0.0,0.09606941102311807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824433639888124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501120225322212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403111356436592,0.10998106585449978,0.0,0.06813216557174077,0.15012847665151569,0.0,0.0,0.2460164888404284,0.0,0.058266721116261876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323191109179478,0.07412165632986988,0.0,0.0,0.10123871721657066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716324736966285,0.0,0.3097598603329497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eovrp27,2019/01/17,"Leaving tomorrow Knowing I wanna live but won’t ever be happy enough to really sucks. I don’t have people I feel like I can reach out to anymore; everyone leaves. Everything hurts and I’m just gonna make it stop.    
It’s better for everyone at this point.",1.4752941176470602,4.0071611372549025,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,84.68627450980392,7.321568627450981,22.225490196078432,8.344100000000001,1.7869843137254904,202,7,38,5,6,69,43,51,0.181,0.594,0.226,0.394,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,10,11,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,6,8,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,4,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236380086874533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830241644621133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316769166660745,0.0,0.0,0.20281782986921085,0.0,0.4284994184186753,0.20151249409537944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337125279059122,0.16018123563811454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386840092433182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400297840670468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322423486020401,0.0,0.0,0.4748285351583487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954148765204487,0.0,0.19798841848373025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496671174569102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554443855455342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195828734274036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363965918836732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874561141921912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rez056,2019/01/17,"I wanna end it I haven't done it because of my mum. She's one of the people who don't really take mental health as a serious thing, and takes it as pretending, but she's the sole reason I felt good as a kid by helping me and cheering me. I'm 19 now, there's just problems on top of problems piling up on me from all sides, I'm starting to consider just doing it. The suffering would stop but my mom would be heartbroken. So I'm just stuck thinking about this every night and I don't know what to do",3.3798412698412723,3.623183333333337,5.067883597883596,86.20833333333334,72.14814814814815,8.393650793650794,26.539682539682538,8.418075326091056,1.5563238095238097,392,12,88,6,7,134,71,108,0.201,0.6779999999999999,0.121,-0.8897,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,1,19,19,9,0,5,5,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,1,11,2,15,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970288322109105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217738028847942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884514531195756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926826945730345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429298589144554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784617473036239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261650243957135,0.0,0.0,0.14261553857157155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693306746779646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144225558421314,0.0,0.0,0.24919416366620226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996706411821033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417875430844473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750823036643054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407185144893457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363061899145059,0.21876344557885266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060001007172075,0.0,0.0,0.17788561213590934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199537772673125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135522365164832,0.13633470440972387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022920268022337,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sa10nga1a,2019/01/17,I’m thinking maybe I’ll just go to Europe I’ve saved up this money- not a huge about but like decent enough. I’ll go to Europe and spend it all then do the deed maybe? I dunno it’d seem like a waste to die with all that money in my savings and never using it. Maybe if I have a good time I’ll come back with a new energy to push forward? I dunno I’m mostly kidding myself. ,-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428584,2.238095238095241,95.64023809523813,86.5,4.2095238095238106,14.095238095238097,5.033348758259628,-1.1136333333333337,291,4,68,1,9,101,56,84,0.119,0.69,0.191,0.6518,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,1,3,20,11,5,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,9,10,4,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,5,8,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747371565590586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575119777728653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358441337564236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348045338499961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582968133868821,0.1906020828841833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220405754315697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6848935709470755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526513109656075,0.21947435891360165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687505110215007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560923571863482,0.0,0.0,0.13250821902835572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196266469042409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pile-of-trash,2019/01/17,"What’s the point of living If I can’t feel happy? My life is a shit show, I’m an ugly pile of flaming trash that doesn’t deserve to live, I’m going to try to commit tomorrow by jumping from 4 stories. I can’t go on like this I don’t deserve to live I mess everything up that I do",-0.2167179487179496,1.1881781230769235,2.976538461538464,93.01762820512822,83.15384615384616,5.564102564102565,21.602564102564106,6.42735559955562,0.26217948717948714,218,7,53,2,6,79,46,65,0.15,0.7170000000000001,0.134,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,1,3,11,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,10,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432403246128374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684739725118494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307630173580344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881090631569401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116617847285397,0.13222459051320662,0.0,0.7169595225014251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25584916135883107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27781554451202706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837517379598688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressionanimal,2019/01/17,"Just bought a gun from a dude on Craigslist. I'm ready I'm done with everything, I'm so sick and tired of the world being against me. Why couldn't I have been blessed with the charisma and social skills to fit into the world, why can't I enjoy anything anymore. Why am I so useless.

Goodbye",2.625,4.273018166666667,3.0533333333333346,94.54500000000002,75.66666666666666,5.466666666666668,27.0,5.6839178017228535,0.6744000000000003,230,9,50,1,5,71,43,60,0.29,0.634,0.076,-0.9348,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,8,6,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27292525551814745,0.0,0.0,0.2264668185504181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28162597699324843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473327435770185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805325696199699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31630284818732946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7449777806379659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chandrasekhar1492,2019/01/17,"I'm ""incel""/FA and I don't want to live like that anymore. Hello, I'm David and I'm 27. Except for a very brief intimate encounter with a woman last year I've never been with anyone of the opposite sex. I don't think this is ""normal"" so to say. I'm not hideous but not classically good looking either. I don't think there is a lot I can do to improve my appearance short of major surgical intervention. I do have a high status profession (medical doctor) and a significant income. I do have my own place of course, a car and exciting hobbies. 
I've done therapy. I have taken SSRI's and SNRI's even though I do think these drugs have no backing by scientific evidence, but I still did gave them a shot. None of these treatments did change my view of the situation.
If I look on the internet for advice I find stuff that I need to stop being antisocial and hating women, which I find presumptuous and not appliccable given my profession and the fact that i have female friends being comfortable enough to reach out to me to do activities together.
I have been beyond devastated and very ashamed by the prospect of most-likely not being able to have a family of my own. My self-esteem is very low. I work 50-60h a week in a hospital and even I feel good about being able to help people noone is interested in entering the life i've built for myself. I feel defeated.
At this point I've figured out most of the logistics in order to leave and not ""make a mess"" so to say. I have desinfectant syringes and the drugs to ""do the deed"" prepared. I've decided to go through with it and I don't feel that sad about it anymore, I think it's for the best. I will have a vacation in february so I will finish my work till then.
I'm writing this because I do not think of myself as a bad person and I hope at some point people labeling single men as useless and misogynistic and basically ""pieces of shit"" will reconsider at some point. This stigma has caused me enormous pain, grief and dispair a lot of times.
All the best, David",4.206336744346031,5.432241820448875,5.751885802734545,78.45286783042395,70.94513715710724,9.421308796973085,28.29142660589905,9.753983421225431,2.6424586980823803,1594,58,313,39,29,542,200,401,0.13699999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.134,-0.5286,1,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,1,5,12,21,2,1,25,0,38,8,1,2,3,62,63,28,1,5,11,0,3,1,1,3,6,2,0,4,15,22,0,1,12,0,0,5,13,11,0,0,8,8,37,10,51,48,16,37,0,5,3,1,12,19,1,8,13,219,52,3,0.20168031957885146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853983706607566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000126839037296,0.07050978437526616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753985838647819,0.08419732132788214,0.061471225443109775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165105271108514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035906218041702,0.10667551812918824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321417650791226,0.0,0.10319449442025748,0.0,0.0,0.2338851414477132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419484133632516,0.0,0.13320794898943658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950631281050763,0.0,0.15296344409195753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843321583480147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790885730847849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730978667072493,0.1691598834047889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955878078929363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759103348751179,0.1065431653264846,0.0,0.10015703188062304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219818918522118,0.0,0.10677516904736296,0.0,0.0,0.07122638705709199,0.0492654084398957,0.0,0.0890437085714335,0.0,0.16936067395979573,0.0,0.0,0.171461395549461,0.0,0.0,0.06731158969611528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158585206497657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477170074283404,0.0777741478282647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880194620044368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730103977584904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981973967552566,0.08804973794184265,0.10535650424600806,0.0,0.2859796362633919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038428498440008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519827908203563,0.0,0.10351097491181116,0.0,0.11334856464038567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053108186838005,0.08430688890741599,0.0,0.0,0.1154378571620385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531951102627692,0.0,0.0,0.3230715132293639,0.09907494499965444,0.0,0.05880070810829779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496110779864428,0.0594781389222533,0.0,0.08088789359840541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468256746544171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649377567298826
suicidewatch,mcsquidward8580,2019/01/17,Why do i seem to fail at everything? i know this is talked about all the time.... but i always have bad luck and stuff i have dropped out of high school to get my ged cuz they didn't help me any at all i have a learning disability but they didn't do anything for it but put me in the retarded area.... and didn't try to help me with anything and it hurt alot.... i kept how i felt about it to myself and it all just built up i'd always want to bawl my eyes out cuz i felt like i would never amount to anything. and i still feel like that but im going to ged classes to hopefully get somewhere in life.. and as for my childhood i didn't really have one and i grew up in a messed up family theres always fighting and stuff... i've had my one laptop broken before cuz i got accused of watching p\*\*\*\* when i wasn't and it sucked but oh well it's life i just try and make the best of it... i have a girlfriend now and yes i've had past relationships but they all failed and stuff i also get very depressed and it sucks.. i put myself down alot and it doesn't help people tell me i am a failure and i hear it from my family and i get made fun of just cuz of my disability but hey why not i'm just a stupid teenager right???? he don't have any feelings... i hate life sometimes to the point i want to end it all... i get so depressed to where i lose motivation to do anything. there's alot more i can add but i don't want to bore any one reading this.. no one will read this any way tho.. honestly i just feel like crap im almost 18 and i ain't got no job or car or licenes nor anything really and im scared for my future i don't know what im gonna do and i really don't want to be a failure to my girlfriend yet i feel like i am.. i just feel like theres no hope for me anymore... i just feel really broken inside. sorry for this being long to anyone reading this... but hey if you got this far thanks for taking the time to read this and i hope your life is better than mine. :) ,-0.7760996624622507,1.2322573302540434,1.5558833718244784,98.73883127553742,90.0161662817552,4.6240717711849335,16.410063954521227,6.093298490706669,-0.6331541659264528,1516,35,374,14,52,510,182,433,0.189,0.645,0.165,-0.9501,1,0,0,0,2,0,59.0,0,2,3,6,22,31,6,1,14,1,32,6,2,8,6,84,70,43,0,9,20,0,8,5,2,3,4,1,0,0,23,24,0,1,13,4,0,5,17,16,1,4,14,11,57,15,45,51,11,36,0,6,2,0,18,17,3,12,17,244,80,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936650824216294,0.0,0.0,0.055397277783350095,0.17292107186706898,0.0,0.0,0.1884309894502331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686998107903587,0.0484370166022201,0.0,0.2850272605803921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783973227482578,0.0,0.0,0.05894588531685507,0.0,0.07269732594474053,0.06126599039907165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932878763667595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061354967487568614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225775131635505,0.0,0.13060809517663982,0.0,0.21015786522852906,0.19795345352996385,0.13302512981265974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809603868908108,0.0,0.039369218230276525,0.0,0.16621089295145855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839235661709685,0.0,0.0,0.07807526124942397,0.0,0.13929590227243402,0.07319031129504197,0.0,0.20640998376386746,0.0,0.0,0.07415775717554997,0.0,0.29930520575521635,0.0,0.06874237225924781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614082495990122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571716027602712,0.16921548035221706,0.0,0.0,0.06130407619876045,0.0,0.07749832657755583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554741449340375,0.046240002242529284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342730406792507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776364175615634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612854053823904,0.048024902586123984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548500330991353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392762039830267,0.0,0.0,0.2771654075665478,0.0,0.1775112202558048,0.0,0.0,0.07437285401654121,0.0,0.059158426803486985,0.0,0.0,0.06935396305023919,0.0701075752975232,0.0,0.0630631785692311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851237837351366,0.07754501069497069,0.0,0.0,0.05532119242761117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379016807422168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520843784348659,0.05567869649472176,0.06054731073108152,0.06377690829795407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807868269659041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940631042493666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715715455025811,0.16343511062881258,0.05498537006259496,0.0,0.0,0.062284391866410826,0.0,0.12501550403286524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920927159005194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rang-oh,2019/01/17,"I think I'm only sticking around for my pets Every relationship be it friend or romantic usually falls apart in the exact same way. I've recognized a pattern. Obviously there's something I need to change about myself but I can't keep living knowing I've done some (obviously relatively) horrible shit to people (mostly emotionally). I just hurt people and it's always unintentional. I'm not going anywhere with my life and I don't even want to picture my future anymore. I'm a constant source of disappointment and as much as I know a few people might be sad for a bit if I go, but the tryth is, ive stopped even caring about that. It's not gunna matter eventually and time goes on. I'm in a dark place and I'm even too scared to seek help because of some past experiences with hospitals treating mental illness like an insanity-crime. I don't know what to do and I don't even want to reach out anymore. I just want to disappear.",3.3903804347826068,5.433394451086961,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,74.59782608695652,8.078260869565218,27.26086956521739,8.841846274778883,2.304321739130435,745,29,139,16,16,256,113,184,0.211,0.7040000000000001,0.085,-0.9746,0,0,1,1,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,1,1,8,0,11,3,1,0,3,37,28,12,0,5,8,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,5,10,0,2,4,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,1,0,15,4,22,24,7,18,0,3,0,0,3,7,1,6,7,86,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750827412059027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801091658022576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571779582394565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608780875116752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417818510411135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398555593687593,0.0,0.14939447744760428,0.0,0.0,0.1526111458187334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451945338305142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885608955331415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731040126197217,0.0,0.11898588614939574,0.0,0.0,0.138142516578887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910800556923132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051978527890515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465833684333833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118140254852686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552487695817546,0.0,0.0,0.23283626313138375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997494932435069,0.06899408673326325,0.0,0.12470188610582655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231887156901918,0.14981455260791327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381464631733422,0.10471455265693153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740592966911676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134812673519666,0.2937173024140647,0.0,0.14754725520505374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516199088268091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138816767898166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496267070683108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871983291905507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806817378945016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048955326123967,0.0,0.0,0.08234786402208873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553642155884567,0.0,0.24988973026833874,0.11209569547841754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarryBallarinaGirl,2019/01/17,"I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no support, No will to do anything anymore. I’m a 23 year old transgender girl. I started transitioning when I was 20. At this point I look just like any other girl but I had to go through a lot to get to the point where I am. I was sexually abused and raped almost every night from the age of seven when my parents caught me spinning around in my cousins dress. They wouldn’t accept it. I was always called a troll and made to go under the porch because that’s where I belonged. My parents made me out to be a monster when all I ever tried to get them to do was love me. I’d go to hug them and they’d throw me into a wall. My siblings they had gang up on me. And to this day I haven’t been able to function as a normal adult. I ran away on my eighteenth birthday and went to go live with my best friend in high schools family, that was the closest to normal I’ve ever had. They disowned me though when they discovered I had started transitioning and kicked me out. I was homeless for a while and then moved into a room with what I thought was my best friend at that time. He found a girlfriend and now all they do is talk about me and how bad of a person I am. They want me out by this summer but I’m drowning in 25 thousand dollars of debt stemming from being sick the last couple years. I’m going to be homeless again. I have no family to care if I’m alive or dead. My best friend currently shuts me down whenever I talk about my depression and whenever I talk about my suicidal thoughts. She just ends the conversation and that’s that. If I say I’m in a dark spot and need a friend she stops that to. All of my other friends are distant. I don’t know if I want to die, it’s hard because when you tell people you want to die they don’t understand, they just think you’re going to kill yourself and have you committed where you don’t even get help anyways. I’ve wanted to die for 23 years. But I’ve yet to do it. It’s like a feeling sometimes more than an action. I have no money for food this week and with all my heart I wish I had parents. I wish I had parents to love me and hold me when I’m just sitting here crying alone. I wish I wasn’t to old for an adoptive family to want me. I’m to broken for most people to want me. And that’s why I’m spilling my heart out to everyone on here. I’m alone and so depressed. I just wish I had a mom and dad. I wish my life hasn’t been so screwed up. I don’t know what to do anymore...... I’m just so utterly sad ",1.5376087404658847,2.924841441558442,3.158142238713669,93.75399340342199,77.99814471243042,6.126918161203876,23.10950319521748,6.742157984588678,0.44514270047412907,1943,60,457,18,45,643,221,539,0.16899999999999998,0.66,0.171,-0.6509,6,2,0,0,1,2,45.0,0,4,11,3,33,23,3,0,22,0,44,10,2,3,7,81,96,39,7,18,13,7,2,2,6,2,2,1,2,4,20,28,1,2,10,0,3,12,13,7,0,2,25,4,79,16,71,65,10,74,0,3,1,5,45,31,1,7,32,307,99,1,0.06610287973487522,0.07832110326294171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619248551328304,0.13692529563974434,0.0,0.0,0.055002891330704594,0.0,0.0,0.044952224984048106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966688829700408,0.0,0.0,0.054397037691427744,0.058845577588383165,0.0,0.0,0.062105831484653776,0.0,0.0551931434594897,0.0805914038832649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811268217448364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749843095432882,0.0,0.06739629141569843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314157912977268,0.07261090943665582,0.04263088887419621,0.0,0.11386862690829905,0.0,0.2058130585980412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854753107091385,0.0,0.0,0.043660328633778465,0.11958767836296075,0.05569452717045767,0.06316413436335087,0.0,0.0,0.1869477360252014,0.0,0.033423602163256634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993186456344638,0.072478395709769,0.2553546045394083,0.0,0.10360807909717487,0.0,0.2254067393687453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921519631365561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156664461517568,0.04430736689738402,0.06984132173983389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313304247020537,0.0,0.10898524188790557,0.053882669617754494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046690418851144486,0.06458905610606587,0.0,0.05837005386679255,0.0,0.05550977054161583,0.0,0.0,0.05619830448924182,0.11932085957891865,0.12509628621181115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741889382343982,0.0,0.07025689988868752,0.0,0.049014447736862185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203307469930116,0.1295335743397821,0.0,0.0,0.1387277051610133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29359770078870856,0.0,0.0,0.0916548273587922,0.05771848487756201,0.0,0.0,0.1249771753768064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052567663140491584,0.0,0.06689964335601398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537743830404978,0.0,0.093575917011999,0.0,0.0,0.05526496734937535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723058214984266,0.07501276456857102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939297239493427,0.05777683049064476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423560562168094,0.06494574371686279,0.10495660549234613,0.038545120758683084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044879516232994736,0.0,0.0,0.06881542904726813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393514680512398,0.0,0.053023742859077315,0.0,0.0,0.06127803177064235,0.059647567315500076,0.0,0.38007524709257456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770426184364714
suicidewatch,goblinboie,2019/01/17,"I can't think of anything making life worth living. I just had a fight with my boyfriend and it confirmed what I felt. I'm alienated from everyone and I'm sick to the fucking bone and I don't want to go on. Funny enough the conversation turned sour when I tried to explain that I can't see myself living to see my fiftieth birthday and he called it ""cringey"". 
So yeah, cheers to that. I really don't know if I want to live anymore, I used to be able to trust him completely and it's changed so much so fast. He won't even acknowledge it, just like he doesn't acknowledge it when he's wrong. 
I sure do fucking love being unable to connect with anyone. ",2.727625508819539,4.32444476119403,3.7788195386702883,89.6674694708277,75.26865671641791,6.962279511533242,25.614654002713703,7.686295010490155,1.2305313432835825,514,18,110,7,11,166,81,134,0.085,0.742,0.173,0.9156,0,1,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,3,1,10,6,1,2,1,21,27,11,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,2,4,14,5,14,22,2,5,0,0,2,3,10,1,2,1,4,65,22,0,0.17520921989742727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376046601642706,0.12251036036955636,0.0,0.14418225918253927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789082030804302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853481227379893,0.0,0.1837035335675464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103796053076154,0.0,0.11572403730474287,0.0,0.0,0.16741991803815734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822832757632095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32395620102283096,0.0,0.0,0.09957543736576492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629040513867304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375545356577194,0.08559837468233956,0.0,0.4641388534534244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813316158208865,0.0,0.11695351480342225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879893645583204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224351275477593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27923812768815737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513261623737951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226699347204704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895555927510265,0.1905773186543671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513245110450501,0.0,0.0,0.20668587481971806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191563777153707,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Detroitar15,2019/01/17,"I’m disfigured and I can’t live with it anymore I’ve posted my story on reddit before, how I was left on a medication for rosacea that slowly caused my symptoms to worsen, flushing and swelling over a six month period. 

I continued to go to the dermatologist with pictures of what was happening and they misdiagnosed me with ‘severe rosacea’ then when the swelling got worse they misdiagnosed me with autoimmune disease. It was the antibiotics all along 

Long story short, six months of severe flushing and swelling left me permanently discolored and swollen 

It’s been two years. I loved life so much, but I can’t live like this anymore 

I feel responsible for not stopping the medication sooner. 

Multiple dermatologist continued to advise me to stay on them

I should have never listened. It ruined my face, my life. ",5.618026525198939,8.350553731034484,5.931034482758622,72.40625994694963,70.3103448275862,9.151193633952257,32.53315649867374,9.661875296680813,3.6409575596816977,661,31,106,17,13,211,89,145,0.042,0.862,0.096,0.8247,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,8,8,1,2,2,19,15,10,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,5,2,18,2,18,9,2,21,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,12,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31976856755988625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371840846027872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561462053527173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151633261727682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162353123405416,0.0,0.12894023661415094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425639639118033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35032622958673104,0.0,0.22774515412907406,0.07876265034601852,0.0,0.2847157348662158,0.14267227526637408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145504946326629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32481902412552305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25736429002410666,0.0,0.11851329694818084,0.0,0.12434075359043414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440164992342148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642594176047704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183623689798685,0.0,0.13478491751218474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756654830740245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748591823239205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642942456139127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381868311942452
suicidewatch,thethrowaway34214,2019/01/17,"Life Entry #1: I don’t see the point  

I don’t see the point of living anymore. I don’t even care. I feel like I could kill myself and no one would care, or maybe they would for a fraction of time and then I’d slip away quickly from their thoughts. I often think to myself “fuck this ..fuck this ..fuck this, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate who I am, I hate who I’ve become…” The one person who means the most to me is emotionally and physically unavailable and I don’t feel as if I mean a fraction to her as she does to me, even when it comes to friendship. That hurts more than a lot of things. 

I miss my mom so much. I miss our sunset walks and just talking about how our days went. I miss her hugs, her laughter and voice, I miss being able to rely on her advice ..God, the amount of death I’ve experienced over the last year has been heart breaking. I lost my mom, my grandma, one of my really good friends who helped become comfortable with my sexuality, and my dad’s also on his way out.

I’ve been losing self confidence and my social skills feel as if they’re slipping. I don’t even really care to try with people I don’t know anymore. Most of my interactions with those I do love, feel fake at this point. Faked happiness, faked excitement, faked joy. I hate it. People tell me I’m loved and that I can rely on them, but I don’t believe it.

Life is just too much right now. I can’t think without thinking about the one thing that pains me the most. 

Here’s to hoping things get easier…",1.5575740883551816,3.418092801916938,2.982888619587971,92.90044728434505,79.44728434504792,5.978583232345487,19.099812713451573,6.953978226594392,0.052578142558114216,1169,26,264,13,29,381,158,313,0.134,0.743,0.124,-0.2485,0,1,0,0,0,2,42.0,2,0,3,3,16,36,10,0,11,0,20,10,1,1,0,42,57,21,2,6,7,3,4,1,1,2,3,1,0,2,18,14,0,0,11,0,0,3,10,22,0,4,5,8,54,14,33,48,8,24,0,7,2,6,28,11,3,9,9,176,72,0,0.0822763850758179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039953126499272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579639541949238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319213134206811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730137215170862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086780318896036,0.0,0.09269731117080184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516587740552469,0.0,0.0,0.07087382049380335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569099859265477,0.0,0.0,0.053061461818390915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200061903062306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254985911161796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302832912652815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640564969239507,0.05877826593776338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356653101417929,0.22818957665576214,0.042986015369551885,0.0,0.0,0.06900952822494598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758474183637202,0.0,0.4873853791785336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749791246019313,0.055148126604557146,0.0,0.0,0.08171901492688066,0.0,0.0,0.08807857190433435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102662982578333,0.0,0.045216949524311566,0.06706623511962508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622848796165967,0.04019608580730702,0.0,0.07265155539519888,0.0,0.0,0.0920462294155974,0.08981439349609624,0.06994844036008703,0.14851529963093574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265768750644707,0.17924620699271848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272221561024,0.0,0.0,0.12096521974585245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301043142782506,0.0,0.08754787463713604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408017169713446,0.07184056590009054,0.0,0.0,0.2333333339235397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541671817363103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026358330421804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311272530918825,0.0,0.08583221344691419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838704132753041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613064174986746,0.07191318703473301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398232299724694,0.15815815614528814,0.0,0.06531825938880385,0.04797602178687135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586026470272151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530716482269051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627103325711243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931149917344019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689356666610007,0.0,0.0,0.05298329445158085
suicidewatch,tossdispose,2019/01/17,"I'm just so god damn dissapointed in myself and id rather juat end it than live like this. I havent gotten anything done that ive wanted to in the past year and a half. No matter what you can think of ive failed at it. I'm just done I mean I feel like the world is just saying ""fuck you"" to me and piling all this shit on to me because i just cant even imagine the possibility of being alive in this hell. Whats even more fucked up is that theres nothing wrong I'm a highschool student athlete with great grades I start on every team I'm on and I'm not exactly struggling for money I have no reason to feel this way but i do. I think its over for me this weekend just saying that alone feels good just thinking its all iver just gotta tough it out till the house is empty which it almost always is on Saturday.  ",1.9829870129870133,3.2269387272727315,3.6605844155844167,91.20909090909092,76.5,5.9376623376623385,20.525974025974023,6.18269132825596,-0.01419350649350637,640,14,146,4,14,214,105,176,0.139,0.758,0.103,-0.7389,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,12,13,5,1,6,0,14,3,1,1,3,31,32,7,0,2,10,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,17,6,0,0,9,2,1,0,5,9,0,1,3,5,16,4,22,27,3,20,1,1,0,2,5,12,5,1,9,97,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597998373811797,0.16528039253194576,0.0,0.0,0.13278626753451475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313236345440402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728062887351722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32661868186694976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141343626420013,0.0,0.0,0.2108068117274909,0.0,0.13445599324223664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24207065872952505,0.11400649421727607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950647742142601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385108007175125,0.0,0.17594138745531382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413794894921348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559288880349116,0.0,0.1409151664802248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383323014855198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312468557932515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234052126963227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990643405997628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407843088709126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538144309348673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638101837428156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295403251107305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683133802511652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067640160239637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412649116517287,0.12666996533358565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447952061120092,0.0,0.10276655080131544
suicidewatch,mrjetpack1990,2019/01/17,"The thoughts of me wanting to kill myself and imagine doing it tears me The fact that I imagine that and love the idea is scary. I used to tell people they have a lot to live for and I never understood why they say they have no purpose in life. Wow do I get it now. I can finally relate to the thought that I really have no purpose in life. I believe in that idea now. It feels like your future is empty, that nothing in life will ever make you happy. I don't wanna get in a relationship because I got dumped by the girl of my dreams that I loved since 6th grade during summer and I was 13 having suicidal thoughts like now. If I get dumped by someone I care about with my depression any time soon... then I'll act upon what I find desirable now.",2.32379120879121,3.961004396103899,3.741688311688314,89.33582917082916,76.46753246753245,6.556643356643357,23.534465534465536,7.321109707123232,0.8682093906093904,583,18,124,7,13,192,94,154,0.16899999999999998,0.667,0.16399999999999998,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,3,0,7,11,3,0,7,0,12,5,0,2,3,25,27,6,2,4,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,10,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,2,24,7,18,20,1,19,0,1,0,2,11,6,0,2,14,87,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230848702889486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171052825257646,0.0,0.0,0.1695012026683597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338979568965624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295789801637165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608708406485234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607005369794143,0.10747870290276287,0.0,0.16480631660501655,0.13750498297515948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358055873800146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032546617516612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015263969532498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396706027151203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664462866877392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187935266675524,0.14700070154883196,0.0,0.13284663664647958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790386922835945,0.2715669050606147,0.0,0.10042392036359442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603328435879785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435706230115214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430036243256223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637960522316748,0.0,0.0,0.16152277696260406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964075381044645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445054427357355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747246741004173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456358285959072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149649689020745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35831212522031003,0.08772631362666286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299371008369498,0.0,0.0,0.08873699036776557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357541783341872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FBCT,2019/01/17,"What do you guys think about this suicide technique? https://www.clarity-of-being.org/how-to-die-peacefully.htm

Basically saying you can die peacefully in your sleep",17.929298245614028,24.70953315789474,8.616842105263157,44.564561403508776,59.526315789473685,8.849122807017544,32.64912280701754,8.841846274778883,4.414985964912281,146,5,13,3,3,35,18,19,0.32299999999999995,0.5579999999999999,0.119,-0.7829999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7107098316430607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390277081461979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722885171252453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426451306179295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745276799296037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219394720053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhiteFurRedEyes,2019/01/17,Idea for painless death Could you make yourself pass out via drugs on the edge of a building or something and just fall off when you pass out? ,4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,69.71428571428571,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.5158000000000005,114,4,24,0,2,32,25,28,0.125,0.804,0.071,-0.4019,0,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,2,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852585787601218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.559578175514842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5447142960431721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220905468385761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714728904006725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soresay,2019/01/17,"17 year old - Extremely bored Despite the title, i suppose i've been having a decent life, with decent parents and decent money. College starts in a few months, play games on weekends and go to gym 5 times a week. I also work from home for my father,  so i get a decent amount of money without actually having to leave my house.

Thing is, i feel like i could taste death for a bit, i feel really empty inside, even tried countless relationships with different people, none have worked so far. Only things that keep me alive are that guns are banned, and i have to fix some personal problems (and because food's amazing! ). Besides all of that, i suppose it's time to end it all?  I've lived 17 long years, maybe that's enough.",6.3618571428571435,6.279891900000003,6.4907142857142865,79.69678571428574,65.71428571428571,8.714285714285714,29.642857142857146,8.07648339933343,1.956,566,17,107,6,8,181,98,140,0.112,0.8059999999999999,0.081,-0.507,2,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,0,2,16,15,7,1,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,6,2,2,2,4,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,11,3,14,13,8,15,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,12,62,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.1648728998713522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135110951279935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299164568662576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445195949576645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489452201439356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651900833063025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496414328410627,0.1745727062366191,0.0,0.11159128345065346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085453910469384,0.12069943003417925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042975770992692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827051073672433,0.0,0.09601938468967032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694727543281232,0.0,0.0,0.19494806535735856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017240931176998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788959029104276,0.0,0.0,0.11933588059199388,0.0825414729261326,0.0,0.14918781946684254,0.1495173117521236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973511570646194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485597223971524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728683170177012,0.0,0.0,0.12849570239496072,0.0,0.0,0.1876013378414276,0.0,0.0,0.11713012864844465,0.14752247653333495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166436369899048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082350559057266,0.0,0.0,0.18139135094105235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958518185960235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448856569314807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970346825513404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470740083274772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355232015918472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628638169681052,0.0,0.2459983147025825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175992550855522
suicidewatch,SkyOminous,2019/01/17,"New year, same crap What the fuck is wrong with me:

1. Spend a shit-ton of money on education;
2. Never feel motivated enough to work on school stuff;
3. Know that I **need** to have good grades so I can finish my B.A. degree;
4. Parents counting on me;
5. Don't even try since the beginning;
6. Gets first grade evaluation;
7. Gets one of the lowest on the class;
8. Feel like absolute shit, but know it's going to keep happening;

I was positive for 2019, but looks like it's going to be the same, or even worse...",-0.4366987179487154,1.8116300096153888,1.8640000000000008,94.04766666666669,95.05769230769228,5.465641025641028,15.587179487179489,7.03164865440522,-0.05786205128205156,387,9,88,7,15,130,79,104,0.109,0.7829999999999999,0.108,0.4423,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,3,0,6,0,6,3,2,1,1,14,20,4,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,0,2,2,2,4,0,2,1,3,6,3,12,18,3,12,0,0,1,1,1,4,3,1,8,47,11,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494206321555724,0.0,0.2492237819038779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079005579295746,0.13478278722398054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047891642454565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441836516970075,0.19714004388274176,0.0,0.21444608797805545,0.15824380680128827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683642256394465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769470978818318,0.0,0.0,0.20737142851767024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843450259774466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843164011705138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398931984155979,0.1455105900448065,0.18221447281278694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784473584033235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094908914984519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909397231644649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38732518339614624,0.15606618591135268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597704607766574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809160072320153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735084953850604,0.0,0.19226642858376555,0.0,0.20627628507427584,0.0,0.121494501216731
suicidewatch,captainkillsalot,2019/01/17,"today i found out my friend has been cutting himself (so throwaway because i know some friends who know my other account)

today during some exercise i noticed around 7 long cuts along his leg at which point he quickly hid. and about 30 minutes ago he said he's done it a couple times before and to be honest i dont really know what to do with the situation and ive known his for 3 years so i want to help him

​

(if mods feel this is inappropiate for this sub feel free to remove)",4.100822510822511,5.151430626262627,4.9438961038961065,84.80727272727277,71.02020202020202,7.273304473304473,27.274170274170274,7.447530270364453,1.3982715728715729,388,13,78,4,7,126,76,99,0.05,0.777,0.173,0.9261,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,0,18,16,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,7,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,4,3,12,5,12,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,3,7,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612038915930252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030497727828264,0.22771370002221036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682733412843764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423839831735698,0.0,0.15946512961660214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735652805577995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177710665049105,0.21963351474627354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895119624746907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547640168891365,0.28957233272966104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561147676117584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089733860831627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584469644509803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335819220876007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771552752940503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005439223761652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826202706382724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064747583522386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927549704430524,0.0,0.3552699895274207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053443747699147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771370002221036,0.12068061545331488
suicidewatch,tallest_red,2019/01/17,"first job and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm 19 and haven't had a job yet because I have near crippling anxiety and depression and feel pathetic for it, like I'm behind everyone else. my parents have just supported this mindset. I started applying this week because otherwise I'll get kicked out of my home. it doesn't help that I'm a trans man who just looks like a lesbian living in a hick town where I might get beat up for living this way. maybe I just wanted to vent or wanted to hear I'm not alone but right now it's so so hard to stay alive. I've already tried to kill myself once but stayed alive for my boyfriend who's been there for me through all this. I don't want to burden him or my family anymore.",3.8682781456953634,4.396298112582784,4.755953642384107,87.85949337748345,71.18543046357615,8.159205298013246,28.345033112582783,8.238735603445708,1.685812715231788,569,20,125,8,10,185,94,151,0.122,0.769,0.109,-0.4505,3,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,20,24,10,1,3,9,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,5,12,3,17,21,1,16,0,1,2,1,7,8,0,3,8,73,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854616939517605,0.1689291378283627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710685637775885,0.0,0.15181562027889414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663400816002826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184879043897446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787987150669075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462758433302176,0.0,0.0,0.1443115254217638,0.0,0.07740255831639775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021096550842062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995743257908712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713087127764226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253386987030045,0.0,0.102607239440246,0.0,0.15355313143755658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038193486682779,0.0,0.1693618945380636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495756847939856,0.0,0.27034737167392603,0.0,0.2570996525443706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379084759064504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239518022078275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302670106102196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997878509516762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073068406696908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835180687816573,0.32632882074843983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737149651205431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393222596022028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27087413789804404,0.12150889451196124,0.12279266994492972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taylordaryann,2019/01/17,I’m ready. I’m ready to blow my fucking head off. ,-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666628,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,107.33333333333331,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.7884666666666669,38,1,11,0,2,13,9,12,0.0,0.615,0.385,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6692943445475598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7429973622810865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VelocityN,2019/01/17,"time is fast. it's killing me. time is so fast that i don't have time to think about my future, or anything that i'll do next. my dreams are unreachable. it feels like a void. everyday i feel worse, just a endless loop of going to school, getting back home, sleeping, getting up, repeat. no friends and no one to talk with. probably because im a ugly piece of shit. it's just fucking torture now.

what should i do? is there really anything to do anymore?",0.9252647352647364,3.3667506373626424,2.2891108891108907,93.38543456543457,86.58241758241758,5.067332667332668,24.756243756243755,6.574015621080383,0.8734747252747249,352,15,73,4,11,113,64,91,0.23,0.6890000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,4,0,3,0,10,3,2,0,0,9,17,3,1,1,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,2,6,2,9,16,1,13,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,12,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206637135735445,0.0,0.0,0.3353396384695122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667204213169014,0.0,0.12420479767330855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604538668732614,0.14555984795401367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741761757968792,0.1883646364450029,0.2129031117714855,0.0,0.11579646260225528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437899620042954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008618422501752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254204370580907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954251023079323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669163821742474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806703878081614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21967817941595136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052819119750922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620702127204574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091476069203611,0.0,0.0,0.2038982765881753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376744030530585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055549696759966,0.0,0.0,0.3564267672065917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207639808374098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Tinkerton,2019/01/17,"Why? Why am I having these thoughts? Why am I depressed? Got a great job, beautiful wife and the most beautiful kids. I feel like I’m a stereotype of what people dream of. But inside I’m dying. I don’t want this anymore. Do I want to actually want to end my life? No. If I died from accidental overdose or died in a crash I’d be ok. Why am I wishing death on myself? Why can’t I shake these feelings?",-0.8215098039215647,1.3279812705882357,1.8877941176470607,94.14424019607846,95.11764705882356,4.715686274509804,20.024509803921568,6.42735559955562,0.2054509803921567,308,11,70,4,12,106,57,85,0.256,0.5,0.244,-0.4871,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,1,8,1,0,0,0,12,18,4,4,5,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,2,10,3,7,15,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.14680471341861565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919298099822015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957108135818704,0.0,0.4683892531989516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332424411830239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213083332133748,0.10747215127400554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203181314403476,0.16585721311558885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928541025451908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625803127461007,0.07349587037970705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429400454736767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943009447439615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26619474355861394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6787295155213044,0.0,0.17299501047966284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UrethraFranklin13,2019/01/17,"I can't do this anymore. I'm riddled with personality and mental health disorders that 25 years of meds and therapy haven't alleviated. My first suicide attempt was 8 years old. I've made several attempts every year for the last 22 straight years. 

I've lived 30 years of abuse, no support, no friends, no family. 

I tried my best.

I'm sorry.",2.6238311688311704,5.204175712121216,4.356839826839828,80.61954545454547,79.75757575757575,7.40779220779221,29.12554112554113,8.418075326091056,2.4884268398268405,271,13,51,6,7,91,50,66,0.22,0.623,0.158,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,4,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,22,6,0,0.0,0.207983960784009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408664050501554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842164207123853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118188645512908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789843186983367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548171130663053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931263002208195,0.0,0.0,0.1356203113693106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658880655896212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308699160037652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500337059393332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609840772003745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498327232404947,0.0,0.17690113182091124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841977218642926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327311024955026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830810378587974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650054701034889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201020563381008,0.1991985714495385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007431315596811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191788567236008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5652039505893772
suicidewatch,radnuggets,2019/01/17,"Today was supposed to be my second day of school Well, kind of.

Second day of the second semester of my third attempt at college.

First time, I “finished” the semester - stopped going to most classes, didn’t drop out though.

Second time, I had to drop out a couple months in - I was hospitalized after a failed (my therapist tells me to call it incomplete) suicide attempt

I got through last semester. Barely, but I did it. Kept going to all my classes this time, I was feeling good, whatever.

All my classes are on either Tuesday or Thursday so I can work plenty throughout the week because money. I went Tuesday, and barely made it through the day.

I didn’t go today. I couldn’t get out of bed. I still haven’t.

There’s a 90% chance I’m going to try to OD before today is over with.

Obviously there’s a whole lot I’m leaving out. I don’t want to type it all. Oh well",1.4725737754791624,3.8573535375722585,3.3078734408275032,87.56425616063282,82.98843930635837,5.491816245816853,24.71219957407971,6.8360192770164,1.0902901734104051,674,27,131,8,19,225,99,173,0.061,0.8540000000000001,0.086,0.617,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,5,7,5,0,0,8,0,14,0,0,1,4,22,27,5,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,1,5,5,1,2,6,11,1,18,4,25,14,7,35,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,4,20,93,23,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077422621177043,0.0,0.12671154324567774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205388031862124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476621400041858,0.0,0.28810412255980394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529343025155315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266628708759188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779939097025647,0.0,0.33851620831676804,0.12489874255357132,0.11909702510425148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506697369569367,0.0,0.121381621490572,0.0,0.15767431475520985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659805782298095,0.0,0.1409023547882548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885863604261053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507049900329782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891981313052415,0.12449552696773482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628835007424162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301540072028941,0.0,0.0,0.17289612503043494,0.0,0.0,0.146303435542221,0.0,0.2604920631121008,0.0,0.423448142708014,0.0,0.0,0.10110019586480117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783104612385606,0.0,0.11944671508282555,0.0,0.2677761601539561,0.1380411718802534,0.0,0.16625282961599624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084083399078372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlockedConnection,2019/01/17,Hate How would you fix the psyche of someone who has hated themselves from when they realized what the word actually meant.... it’s sad when people have to ask you why do you hate yourself  honestly I don’t know I’m just exhausted it’s hard to get out of bed and every other meaningless task we complete in our everyday lives... it’s a rant but it’s the truth which I grit my teeth as I write it down so it’s someplace. I don’t know why I even write these I should just delete right ( trying to give my problems away haha) life’s BS,0.9741891891891896,3.1956843693693706,2.581463963963966,93.0300337837838,83.68468468468471,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.4094378378378383,419,12,92,6,12,137,78,111,0.18,0.775,0.046,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,3,1,0,7,9,3,0,4,1,7,3,1,1,1,18,17,7,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,11,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,14,3,11,14,0,8,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,3,56,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.19410460506414715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595125751098773,0.0,0.18687973741480848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085502757726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137624206095516,0.0,0.1675877830510793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392073311460896,0.19080978363010495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178181663034279,0.5891386475129212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862824471519346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049394406458207,0.0,0.0,0.1756385846345171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378971157792412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032720048731094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986554872461668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853331270515567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350448421417258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589653805732284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412978737374091,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Al1258,2019/01/17,How’s everyone doing today? I’m here to talk anytime ,-0.2681818181818194,1.804562636363638,3.7186363636363637,78.19795454545455,104.45454545454544,5.836363636363638,23.681818181818183,7.1686216300943375,2.080963636363637,43,2,7,1,2,16,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095320026234232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51271246806561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046458987440088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,James19961996,2019/01/17,"I push people away Lately I've come to realize that I push people away more and more, until I'm essentially left with no friends at all. And it makes me want to kill myself. So I surround myself with new people to numb the pain, and then the cycle repeats. I think I might be pushing them away just so theu won't miss me when I'm gone. Does anyone else go through this?",1.8089610389610409,3.6543366493506495,3.105194805194806,92.39207792207796,78.61038961038959,5.43896103896104,20.090909090909093,6.18269132825596,-0.029566233766233463,290,7,63,2,7,94,54,77,0.158,0.765,0.077,-0.8172,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,13,12,8,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,10,1,11,8,3,18,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982805842383295,0.20489932183087028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636528685072234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226185043217376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750005824444236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705451409843364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450117097912164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365112331363983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212441150080925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558194413924454,0.0,0.2172748036585488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334857137916748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214322163508767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931383287467113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278885181187046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159151010326867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813671982454164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795118589355767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Planographic-print,2019/01/17,"Need some support Possible trigger warning, i guess? Regarding pets. I dont want to trigger anyone to feel like i feel now. But god its unbearable....


We had to put our dog down....She had a tumor and... vet said we did the right thing and all but.... but god do i miss her.... Im now completely alone. I... there are random noises in the other rooms that i alwwys thought she was doing but.... but she is gone now... she cant be doing them... I can never pet her again... she was always so warm.... she used to sleep in my bed when she felt cold... she loved cuddles... she was always so happy to see me.... and i failed her this much.....

i cant stop crying and its getting worse each day. i have no idea what to do. i think i failed a test for i couldnt read the questions cuz of all the tears for some time.... i want her back.... everything reminds me of her...

i cant even ask anyone for support because it comes out as forcing them to care about me because of the crying and all but im seriously struggling and i dont know what to do and i want it all to stop and they kept sending me away and i have to deal with everything alone and i just want it to stop",-1.2557653296449978,0.7859579543568458,0.9751901798063648,99.99449573536192,98.08713692946057,3.839603503918857,15.823075149838635,5.648184324379264,-0.7912075610880587,861,22,205,7,36,285,126,241,0.15,0.693,0.156,0.7671,0,2,0,0,0,0,72.0,3,0,3,2,12,12,0,1,7,0,23,3,1,4,5,54,48,21,0,6,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,11,16,0,4,8,1,0,4,8,5,0,0,11,7,43,7,24,35,8,22,0,3,1,2,25,6,0,5,13,146,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23955324727708455,0.0,0.0,0.1924570791151076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617277750304393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811542505072408,0.0,0.10865526006338433,0.08892630210211963,0.0,0.14099609873145566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791101408713672,0.0,0.0,0.09962065592220676,0.1212549030934521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540681626725561,0.07458350056070988,0.11922818237054612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27107758149649336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638452378386143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787423142677627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695037642966324,0.08261907381163194,0.11104037664218333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604213942011385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739949454735738,0.0,0.0,0.12310962453730555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305527041145592,0.2498397319726764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355720827561534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056499852917895714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437698617510302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501470959865436,0.08575165066468655,0.08919499608884063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037593215050627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625835035341595,0.1295524146787962,0.0,0.11567946331537715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876290296531733,0.11000789024605044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215661630257872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573168700220872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900611386818614,0.0,0.1209005743490508,0.0,0.0,0.2624723394705854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683150356889634,0.07410267592398226,0.0,0.09181172679379414,0.0674353763582433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988288502727598,0.0,0.0,0.27284914160712426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785536255652344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skow1379,2019/01/17,"I turned myself into Nothing 25yo M.. I've lost my ability to effectively communicate with anyone on a meaningful basis. If it's a stranger, it doesn't matter I can usually talk to them because they don't know me. But when it comes to texting/calling/actual conversation with someone I want to get to know or knew, I'm just lost because I've alienated myself so much. I'm HORRIBLE at text conversations and never answer my phone. Never used to be like this, but have been since I was about 19-20 I guess. I didn't have sex one time in 2018, that was a first for me . Been like 20 months now. I'm not a horrible looking guy, it's all personality issues. I have wanted to kill myself for a long time, but thought I came to terms with the fact it's off the table.. that was before I realized my inability to have a relationship with anyone in any way. I'd love to give specific examples, and I can, but it doesn't matter. Full jist given, my life is pointless. The term ""damaged goods"" was widely used in the past and I think it should be more mainstream now. That's exactly what I am.

And now I'm waiting for my paycheck so I can take all if it to the casino, losit and get drunk, then drive home hopefully sliding on ice and killing myself in a single car accident. 

Thanks for reading, hopefully it was worth your time.
    
Much love - A very lonely young man not sure whether he wants to live or not.",3.0158486770849464,4.669123238434167,4.586170509051523,83.94253287946776,74.62277580071174,7.876280365155503,25.74052297694569,8.587818076936951,1.7610930218164935,1094,38,224,21,23,367,158,281,0.14,0.726,0.135,-0.3724,0,2,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,1,2,4,8,15,2,0,13,0,23,5,0,3,7,54,55,19,2,8,13,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,14,13,1,1,9,3,2,5,9,6,0,2,14,1,27,9,30,38,9,35,0,4,1,3,15,11,0,7,20,144,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443814201791958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364157344671968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513826825909836,0.0,0.10565737727702522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201451471409535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695928660905953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561679222216072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297447634700412,0.11911275788227425,0.0,0.10414578834244348,0.0,0.0,0.13678447431405208,0.12294532348343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455010309445685,0.2466526420637491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959858591737938,0.0,0.0,0.27474583198020136,0.0,0.1364783958325225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770316083860409,0.12132391431620372,0.0,0.10964215675079142,0.10988430952787516,0.10426940802236996,0.0,0.27108693699975506,0.0,0.22413199102825948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910929524895597,0.0,0.18255476448677865,0.0,0.1915312253757928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914204267757138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413909566926857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853190632171084,0.0,0.10841825126298422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420107814983282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330940155966875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271261981043198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520670004145204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702637729713727,0.0,0.09335848962062188,0.09980111436469752,0.0,0.11431673008857765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956150538539736,0.0,0.09857510683204668,0.21720916251917505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350585590254477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448166603750854,0.13675293329998264,0.10245117212059307,0.2197115844201656,0.09855836345814004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeedyAtheist26,2019/01/17,It's bullshit I can't do this anymore last call for help Who the fuck am I fooling? I workout and I read and I pick up new hobbies and I study and everything is paying off but why would I give a fuck? Nobody likes me. I don't like me. Yeah I got a couple of friends and they like me and yeah I got my kitten and that's the only reason I don't end it all. But I'm starting to not care. I can't do this anymore. I'm an awful person. I disgust myself. Why am I the way that I am? I just want to die. I can't pull off this act anymore. I don't think I'm that afraid anymore. This is likely my last call for help. I should just die so that everyone can feel good and live better lives. If anyone has anything to say sure go ahead. I'm likely too much off a pussy to kill myself anyway.,-1.9885664335664333,-0.12670559090908995,0.8613636363636381,100.94377622377623,99.22727272727272,3.1622377622377624,14.723776223776223,4.713530739802397,-1.2413664335664336,600,14,148,2,26,206,93,176,0.25,0.607,0.142,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,2,5,16,4,1,7,3,17,2,0,2,2,23,32,12,3,4,6,0,1,5,1,2,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,0,3,2,1,3,7,6,0,0,2,2,27,10,12,28,2,14,0,0,0,2,10,4,2,1,11,93,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863903154217627,0.08573275352655445,0.0,0.10089874890671008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843983430232804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503999307863405,0.0,0.12501051111221884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566720065012242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450258571069523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859732234211104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716046320738835,0.11019523544474336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061996016425718864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472927651593137,0.2267045583076336,0.0,0.11762004352629975,0.06968289378323785,0.10284063920361912,0.19612710165944708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164367696368184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356513663637947,0.0,0.0,0.19988933893882893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995087246816353,0.0,0.2165362548668618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013349924317247,0.0,0.0,0.11841887044431827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325150760473314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107059559860088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264459725158175,0.0,0.0,0.12606495743560675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750551994967956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678499193161683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555980934484646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856444509241764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231939041680636,0.09732323561246692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127546546201515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709963264454712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somnolenta,2019/01/17,"I want to kill myself tonight This might be a last pathetic cry for help, but yeah... I really can't stand the pressure anymore.

I come from a fairly modest family, fairly loving though bad at expressing it. There's a lot of tension in this house, mainly because of money issues and because of me, giving everybody a hard time. It could be worse, I know. I could be homeless, abused, who knows. But I'm still unhappy.

I'm EXTREMELY sensitive, too sensitive for this world. I just want all this to stop. All this tension... I hear my mother downstairs complaning about how I'm doing poorly in school. I can't stand the way she always looks at me with such spite and disappointment. I can't put up with their expectations anymore.

I'm tired of being a burden. Tired of being 21 and having no job, no social skills, wasting my parents' money on classes I'm failing because of my lack of motivation and stupid anxiety. Don't tell me to seek theraphy, please, I don't have the resources, I live off my parents' salary, in small town.

I just want to die. I imagine my parents would be sad, but... I'm already making them sad by being a failure on a daily basis. It feels like 9th grade all over again, when I had my 1st major depressive episode and I couldn't focuse on studies or myself overall. 

But now it's different because I'm an adult and they don't feel pity for me anymore. It's just harshness. They're sick of it too. I just want to go away and make this all stop. I'm thinking pills, but I'll see...",2.644021874223217,4.682714503355708,4.0782028337061895,85.48207183693764,76.78523489932886,6.696694009445688,25.46656723837932,7.662118739084242,1.4329093711160819,1174,43,229,17,27,388,165,298,0.299,0.615,0.086,-0.9977,6,0,0,0,1,2,50.0,0,0,3,3,15,16,3,3,11,1,22,5,0,4,4,48,48,16,2,10,10,4,3,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,13,10,0,2,7,0,3,3,9,14,0,0,1,6,32,2,33,35,8,30,0,6,2,1,17,15,0,3,10,147,45,6,0.0,0.13092228813359527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193750203564785,0.0,0.09194334715643107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453081405328626,0.0,0.3287535426649059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381668829552383,0.0,0.0922613743928352,0.26943468773346946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518440780168554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644762919165324,0.0,0.121377074771191,0.0,0.0,0.09517193042733224,0.0,0.11467967736599705,0.11544709177989455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416786086224426,0.0,0.11174241144662307,0.07893993008864472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599993399441314,0.06279866866323107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098984675530382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245394925883277,0.0,0.07406460856284873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750007722379944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153314035981685,0.1096524049165166,0.0,0.12224987722946262,0.0,0.12145383254587235,0.09007077407246948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398383488934077,0.0,0.09757192751825727,0.0,0.09279065118223187,0.0,0.0,0.0939416109635084,0.09972893196929096,0.0,0.14751680172213882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722111930074855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680854952557329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129383228664037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108120226624628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078797094500887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183006901838494,0.08805275237916546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263899087238327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824399847098513,0.18476287175674028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965802897789514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080277939398882,0.10856391212217434,0.0,0.06443238406857689,0.25400283238517224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606987850326238,0.08770832114798108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260709726661206,0.07849474489605365,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,television_romance,2019/01/17,"Might end it tonight Been struggling so long with not feeling good enough for anyone or anything. I have no friends, nothing to live for. Fed up of being messed around and walked all over. I don’t want to be here any more. I don’t know how much more I can take.",1.7633333333333354,3.6724034814814814,1.7331111111111106,101.87300000000002,79.0,4.32,21.91111111111111,3.1291,-0.5347955555555557,204,6,48,0,5,60,46,54,0.198,0.725,0.078,-0.6981,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,1,11,13,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,9,8,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,34,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400500452409533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947936700781926,0.0,0.23476696753426116,0.25396599501600897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526796845833098,0.2947778266436068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424972492897115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041209851791066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23928527624699905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567863240957547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519137277079672,0.2524700977261953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30264451958916616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971883714966455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737406576730084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982440095709135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450038772013366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826971757378087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spank-Kun,2019/01/17,"I fuck things up I've been raised in a toxic family, I had a bad childhood, I got beaten up for no big reason, my parents and grandparents didn't talk to me, they keep telling me that no one loves me and that I'm a waste of time and a mistake, now I am in a relationship and because of my past I don't feel like I deserve my girlfriend, I want to die but she is the only reason that keeps me alive. I sometimes tell her that if something happens to me she should try to forget about me but she starts getting sad and that makes me want to die more. I hate my life so much, I barely have friends, my family keeps telling me how big of a failure I am even if I try my best, and I make my other half feel sad... I wish I could end it all but I don't know how, I don't want to suffer too much. ",2.8076883116883127,2.666909000000004,4.3699740259740265,92.06784415584416,73.28571428571429,7.277922077922077,25.051948051948052,6.574015621080383,0.5915714285714282,605,16,151,4,11,204,96,175,0.203,0.655,0.142,-0.8569,2,0,1,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,2,7,12,3,0,7,0,12,3,0,6,1,32,32,14,2,9,5,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,3,5,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,2,37,4,15,26,5,12,0,3,0,2,14,6,1,2,7,105,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188706659114578,0.08168710103981594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062808088960702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699064352302473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781483103311945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868705235980195,0.0,0.0,0.08850784338500957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526525636898865,0.0,0.13551207873134008,0.0957319059319637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353053242356718,0.12388379014217245,0.07001113615881667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717459271463327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849857863805355,0.0,0.0,0.13230040766411127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573245778643616,0.0,0.0,0.07364464890772962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946504162605054,0.06546719002246025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094311108786646,0.0,0.1788963401663736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701552696384148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080402978330687,0.10191546464513207,0.0,0.0,0.1487946846299142,0.0,0.12792120792712505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755551956752824,0.0,0.1438692770980219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316220270353108,0.1325325816684581,0.0,0.0948481478114552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770668841986604,0.3513740842797005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902576527350729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813833789437878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819587400389721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711566064184786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409705559642808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,that_weird_fella,2019/01/17,I wanna kill my self I’m 21 and don’t know what to do.I’m Really frustrated with my life.Its been 3 years and i still can’t get over  my ex gf.I don’t feel like moving.when i’ve gained 55 pounds ever since and i don’t feel like doing anything.I just wanna kill myself and get it over with 😔 ,-2.286187245590231,-0.5616129701492518,0.5227679782903678,102.16317503392132,104.07462686567163,3.6303934871099055,10.568521031207599,5.565023196281405,-1.5289880597014929,229,3,58,2,11,78,43,67,0.196,0.69,0.114,-0.8173,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,13,12,4,2,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,7,2,7,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464266249046944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623214401003973,0.37063163170001134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710521782586808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5739765847499713,0.0,0.14255976690803984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832222908245864,0.2534600269849806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617864461382165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706113630158581,0.0,0.0,0.2145788283833269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071576267188713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670454594239328
suicidewatch,globoli,2019/01/17,I just cant do anything right. I feel like I'm such a loser that I don't even deserve to live. There is nothing that I'm good at. Not even remotely okay. I suck at every aspect of live. I just don't want to do this anymore,-1.2952941176470605,0.5484252549019608,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,90.56862745098042,4.184313725490196,18.303921568627448,5.46131890053228,-0.5598784313725487,172,5,43,1,6,60,34,51,0.241,0.7070000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.7959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,5,11,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29982908362518584,0.0,0.0,0.2487909686063047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993708448641894,0.0,0.254725182636037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286660284111042,0.21598386476436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535791822673272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770265543823333,0.0,0.5339240096675325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009278470769423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581872743627177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783214498273944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wasterway,2019/01/17,"I'm scum and I can't cope with it I met a girl, fell so in love with her. She had some problems with being open with me, depression anxiety etc.. I tried to help her through because I FUCKING adored this girl. She started to be open with me, to an extent. She was having problems, stress etc and started to self harm, which worried me sick. I had some problems at work and fell out with a very good friend. Wasn't sleeping etc.. I had a breakdown.

I went from feeling strong for this girl, my girl. My gorgeous, sexy, cute intelligent, driven and loving girl. My perfect partner. My dream lady.. I started feeling so weak, fucking up, getting paranoid that she'd leave me. That I wasn't good enough, that she didn't love me, despite her trying so hard to convince me. I started losing it so bad. Took an overdose. Felt like I was becoming a burden. Made genuine threats about hanging myself... Now I was definitely fucking everything up, losing my mind, But she stuck with me..

What did I do? I fucking cheated on her after an argument. I was so sure that she would leave me. I lost control and got angry and I told myself I'd lost her and she would see me for the piece of shit I am. So I cheated... And yet STILL she tried to offer support.. until it came out that I'd given her an std from being unfaithful that one time. 
I am a fucking low life, piece of shit waste of air. I know she will NEVER take me back and how can I blame her!? She deserves so much better. I miss her. It's been 2 months and I can't face life without her. I cry every single day. I can't function. I cry the whole way to work, the whole way home. I lie in the dark because I've lost my soulmate. 

 We were supposed to move in together this month, start building our life and making memories. Instead I've fucked everything up and I can't cope with the consequences. She was everything to me. I put everything I had in to our relationship. I supported her through her struggles, her studies. I looked after her. I always praised her and told her to believe in herself, be proud of her achievements. But then I go and hurt her like that!? I fucking despise myself.

I've set a date. 31st January. We were supposed to go to a gig. I've ordered what I need off the internet. I need to grab some oven bags and elastic bands. I'm going to drive out to the forest and exit bag myself with a tank of helium and sleeping pills. 

She will never take me back. I don't want a life without her. I want her to be happy, but I can't bear the thought of it being with someone else. 

I've lost everything. I deserve to. I'm a fucking scumbag",0.8789358313817317,3.2392662419047618,2.5334145199063234,92.22848711943796,85.62857142857143,4.9664324746291975,23.84465261514442,6.400209001296144,0.6864544886807179,2007,80,416,20,61,657,228,525,0.151,0.732,0.117,-0.8884,0,0,0,0,0,1,87.0,4,0,0,16,15,54,14,2,22,0,38,24,5,4,4,66,93,30,0,9,5,0,5,2,2,4,8,0,2,7,18,35,0,1,5,2,0,13,13,33,0,1,33,7,101,21,60,49,14,57,1,10,2,12,56,19,10,3,23,289,119,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245418326622847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822529252117201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694746629429482,0.05263561954691565,0.07685698272766164,0.06962253240010248,0.0,0.07102429379711928,0.0,0.05575360111433427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210076421983401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070452257403788,0.0,0.0,0.1384925722474405,0.04065547107995391,0.0,0.05429610771013625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266168354042938,0.0,0.0,0.06513698940578877,0.21091820148093607,0.0,0.0,0.05311377028455031,0.0,0.2832806431886291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374965791335663,0.0,0.06052811663899872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048704411351219896,0.4662344090067938,0.03293570596831076,0.0,0.10748095354844413,0.10574962629537424,0.050418705745830086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710706446349149,0.05647129967962719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042254264949559216,0.0,0.0632340830431901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748543500509419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034645038427347494,0.0,0.0,0.1335001419617245,0.0,0.0,0.17810756692550245,0.06159614711179751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293757485492004,0.1410508753351984,0.2752616571206912,0.0,0.17068770616634604,0.059649805347740566,0.04207957177812904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365225122183442,0.0,0.10063557155583676,0.06700135598909929,0.04634152381524898,0.09348646087799806,0.09724039651409863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271741596788961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809617924685498,0.0,0.06337243445350382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768117857172001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023457763109635,0.0,0.06576428450959082,0.0,0.12941894607718796,0.0,0.0,0.12617070045197654,0.0,0.05341343798066475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309955810962565,0.0,0.05034368457422505,0.0,0.07221190496656578,0.0659029110600232,0.0,0.0,0.14307368957492475,0.0594142877155131,0.0,0.09479620391771383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004657833708685,0.03675902810524068,0.0,0.0,0.12047450596104665,0.07003956357695539,0.12839970658438976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201445655032999,0.07436504255233573,0.10007615545346442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843854806404899,0.0,0.14076342357809762,0.0,0.12153628077528783,0.0,0.09178748479103792,0.0640200009112475,0.0,0.08956336399648802,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,willabusta,2019/01/17,"impulsivity and everything has diminishing returns Hello. this my first time posting.

​

I feel like I'm slowly crawling to a point where I do not enjoy anything. I have these episodes of intense impulsive boredom. I hyperventilate and think about a sweet release from anxiety that death would be. I believe I am unintelligent because of memory issues at the age of 21. I can barely think or concentrate. CBT therapy requires that I be involved and I am so forgetful and inattentive that it just doesn't work. don't blame me. I feel a rising sense of every media becoming cliche, ironic, and unenjoyable. I feel like everything repeats itself. I got ocd, ged, depression, Aspergers syndrome, adhd, and panic attacks. I believe it is my ethical right to take my own life. I want people to stop guilt tripping me because I want to die. I feel like I will never truly be happy and that I'm severely disabled And have difficulty with activities of daily living. I can't even find a job that is suited to my low effective intelligence and anxiety while making enough to not live with my parents and they want me out.    ",5.303235294117648,7.616462852941179,6.616470588235295,68.99911764705882,69.98039215686272,9.505882352941176,33.568627450980394,9.916854025145753,3.961203921568628,898,44,140,24,17,303,130,204,0.234,0.653,0.113,-0.9777,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,4,5,11,1,2,5,0,17,1,0,2,1,34,31,13,2,4,4,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,13,0,2,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,1,5,27,6,17,25,2,17,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,11,98,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330652701013392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821498935752266,0.15500360425812734,0.0,0.0,0.19517144313488985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104973884096491,0.0,0.0,0.1451218868381941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552304039799816,0.14088385381247856,0.0,0.2874407430900388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987024800049024,0.0,0.1323907641280728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318071862208879,0.0,0.08425448281973671,0.0,0.10747774305588373,0.0,0.22929168099511985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579997359029599,0.2733941506819514,0.0,0.0,0.1165907198968238,0.1085054404000396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020241770134096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579370835475665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314314271738573,0.1265870815894257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010186629462433,0.1869632348743242,0.0,0.2252817995007917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514962088441506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838482840893874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496682717662353,0.14164416079244965,0.0,0.0,0.08843646301682663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058873129390225,0.0,0.12217056270874585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893852444068997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441104354869471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664879051022128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591186986686977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587996939003064,0.0,0.0,0.16347506867229586,0.0,0.0,0.07438329752366055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257207563959551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286774082564576,0.0,0.0,0.09061744413232843,0.0,0.15500360425812734,0.0
suicidewatch,ajr_exe,2019/01/17,"20 year old male, hanging myself. Please read, you may help someone else. I'm 20 yo male, lonely and always have been. I've never experienced things a 'normal' human should, e.g friendship, relationships, parties, travel etc.. never done any of that.

If you are around 14,15 or 16, it isn't too late, go the gym, find something you are passionate about, smile at strangers (even if it's fake, you might save a life), if you have a friend, text them asking how they are and focus on a career.

Life is basically a game, a very difficult game.

I've lost that game. Bye.",4.290833333333332,5.690278824074074,4.643518518518524,85.81583333333336,70.94444444444444,7.251851851851853,23.685185185185183,7.6454224807358475,0.9648851851851848,435,11,87,5,8,137,81,108,0.09,0.7170000000000001,0.193,0.9044,0,2,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,5,2,1,5,7,0,0,7,0,12,3,0,1,2,16,16,7,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,1,6,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,1,8,3,5,10,1,11,0,2,0,1,18,3,0,6,6,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748430497087813,0.0,0.0,0.13687993442164734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791853196178875,0.18817324781720812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059832840348928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814684582161293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448472286407584,0.13294609827077328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839698112921344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551141922796216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143942623305077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349163356755303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270569735036984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843455011506919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197251222748184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353037822944892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104850597443572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197215456713465,0.0,0.0,0.2112135627507164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094924566123195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133834101464612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610354878964566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054717048766593,0.15495815753630668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372405976719434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608027351326132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962021340602065
suicidewatch,nerushimyy,2019/01/17,"i've been done for a long time hey guys,

​

im done with it all. 

my father is a huge dick, used to abuse me.

my mother is worthless, she only bitches on me and tries to manipulate me.

my sisters just a cunt, even though we live in the same house, i barelly speak to them anymore. which is for the better.

 ive felt this way since i was 14, it all begon small, as in just not seeing a point to go on and not liking being alive.

the whole waking up, doing whatever i was going to do, sleep, and repeat just sucks.

at this point im 19 and life is bad, today was another day that id rather had died in my sleep.

im only still here because of a promise i made an old friend, that i wouldnt kill myself until im 28. because at that point you've tasted life. fun fact, that friend turned out to only use me and manipulate my old girlfriend.  funny how life works huh. 

i just dont know why to go on annymore. even tho im a man of my word i dont want to annymore. ",0.4039473684210506,2.102088760765554,2.7132511961722514,94.22250837320576,82.44497607655501,5.328325358851675,18.105502392344498,6.2581,-0.3017312918660289,737,16,174,6,20,252,123,209,0.14800000000000002,0.745,0.108,-0.8371,0,0,0,0,1,1,31.0,1,0,1,2,12,12,4,0,10,1,18,8,4,6,3,30,30,10,2,3,7,3,1,1,3,1,3,1,0,2,9,8,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,9,4,22,6,25,19,4,28,0,1,1,1,13,15,4,0,10,106,31,1,0.0,0.11622326572298597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062829024152775,0.11919280985341404,0.0,0.10285826777399518,0.0,0.0,0.097281145151612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190292413072199,0.11959223961730203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675461600697429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632613806396309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180425965313106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007648394014094,0.2299267523915884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957800043548412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418393452062823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157164452770988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724424372224786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712674088081463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318527628971665,0.0,0.0,0.5297822663325394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852453137195313,0.0,0.05390893045899873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785635278793427,0.04792291424579578,0.0,0.08661724615969656,0.0868085467262167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281725044489594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586261260823452,0.0,0.0,0.2238107090360904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27818662259574306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816681623346908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114291562185358,0.0,0.19632616459330388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833659057567549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637512898970343,0.0,0.05719837471161723,0.0,0.09297997508326472,0.0,0.0,0.06659819286706123,0.10669619058726396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944040334903945,0.0,0.0,0.05785734537344085,0.07786105528874447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851299045884609,0.10951648428324796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141231990524465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919280985341404,0.0
suicidewatch,Doublelifems,2019/01/17,"My life. I'll get straight  to the point . 
I'm living a lie to my self I guess.  

I am a mom of 3 amazing  kids 
I am a wife to a ehhh husband  
I volunteer for emt, kids sports as coaching, on the pto committee,  babysit my friends kids , just got done with school  . 

When I volunteer  I feel free . Especially  ems field . People talk to me like a person and not a mom (some will understand  it ) I feel like the old me . And there is the mom side were I LOVE MY KIDS (they are why I'm still alive ) and there is the wife me that wants to end it all . 


That is the short version of it . 

I can not take pressure  of everything  my fault  in life and everything  is on my plate  wait  get this . Just because  he works . That's right sir . You work so forbid you can act like a dad or help me out . When with out the pay or official  title  on house I am a nurse , maid, cook, organizer, taxi, and the list goes on (I am not what so ever complaining about it ) but you dont see me throwing that in your face . Oh wait dr apt . Food shopping  picking and dropping  off kids yup that's me with my 3 year old by my side. Well put her in daycare . Well that cost to much and I love the company  . But that's right I do it all and him oh I work I dont need to ....sure.  

So I know where my problem  is but cant do anything  about it right now . So let's get to depression.  

After I had kids I lost my self VERY BAD . and I gained massive  weight. Have nothing  for my self till this year I finish  school got my EMT , have been volunteering  for a year, getting gastric  sleeve done soon . 

So where it got bad . I was on a call and I hear over the radio ***** ***** rescue responded  for CPR I. Progress.  Deep down I felt it was my friend  1 in a mil chance right . Mind you she came to squad earlier to drop stuff off and she didnt seem right and left before I could  say anything  . So I get back from the call and messaged  her to make sure all was okay (she was depressed  from things going south with the hubby ) and so 1 day later we get a call into squad it's a emergency  meeting  and we all came in and they told us she ended her life . I cried for weeks.  Just numb sat in the shower and cried. Not a care in the world . For many reasons  1 main one being could I have helped her . What if I didnt listen and I message her and not give her 3 days of no message  when people told me just give her a few days . It kills me still . Well I found my husband  true colors . And he used her death to hurt me and oh what you gonna cry now . Well if you were gonna doit just do it already . So many true colors . Well since that day I've been emotionally  disconnected.  

And odd and end comments  about my body and the gastric . And pride . 

I can not take it much longer.  I keep pushing  for the kids but deep down I'm so fucked and never once do I take my problems  out on the kids and yell . No matter how hurt , and mad it's always a smile and playtime with them . I feel so lost in the world . I never got to explore  life . Kid at 16 Married at 17 more kids after and I'm just now getting  my life on track and I feel every time I do he trys to take it away but it's funny.  You want a strong will , hard working , ambitious on life , ext person but when I'm that person you take it away and when I don't validate  you you try again to hit me where it hurts aka my depression  . 

Sorry long . I just cant hide any more . 

- keep fighting  ? ",-1.146958179075824,0.9237805272727256,0.8417256273138634,101.51305601261484,96.17482517482516,3.9787467434526262,15.541272453037159,5.7212163849143,-0.8910726724256133,2547,61,626,21,102,830,302,715,0.158,0.722,0.121,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,3,0,91.0,3,11,3,11,46,43,4,1,35,2,45,16,2,5,11,110,105,60,2,9,23,8,7,3,2,4,8,4,2,17,33,45,3,5,11,5,4,8,17,21,5,1,26,14,98,23,70,70,12,94,0,8,3,3,83,48,1,7,39,387,131,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157702116350771,0.0,0.046430321592451126,0.0,0.0,0.037946119045935485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918377886174778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485244171116236,0.04290698813068256,0.09318184330036636,0.03401534636960302,0.0,0.047481947380894084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061981556590735225,0.0,0.0,0.170935042524529,0.1276413609491355,0.05689212710209982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910400176812566,0.0,0.18388203572758,0.14394631498915575,0.0,0.14418215584855412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420616543230395,0.1307950774609679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627678295854333,0.14826751632322224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047456806863601,0.047014161345011074,0.0,0.1002994273871965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285723784137446,0.039863747120990216,0.053577040875279085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747394704854913,0.06118215133594133,0.0862223502949515,0.05158648033318312,0.2040734841976548,0.10705746911227054,0.031712597722277434,0.0,0.17851439685354747,0.0,0.06147032397817569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998611057503359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062890996147863,0.0,0.07480353283944029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438605697583948,0.17920613314231146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919574512752906,0.06173476700542978,0.0,0.030666386846599177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062719173127106,0.05705958969998196,0.2364804224029629,0.08178362738224143,0.0,0.04927268925026447,0.04938151161284765,0.0,0.0,0.12182524315856764,0.0,0.10072390285134353,0.0,0.03724713508958693,0.11314549668083787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056342398456826814,0.1960579189887521,0.0,0.0,0.08203928532851787,0.0413752171211496,0.08607326624478945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354189501066475,0.0,0.11710606131014235,0.05942550083722695,0.0378117289696622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736980741944563,0.14616801498205356,0.0,0.0,0.05274932193629967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678670663394853,0.0,0.05609471597029167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573720043037751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382657664331021,0.0,0.044374640058497415,0.0,0.11294576995104395,0.0444656164530242,0.05079849951188952,0.17463565471490194,0.0,0.0,0.046158586696749215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062463870000042776,0.0,0.0,0.08912438701281326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387799604166881,0.0,0.0,0.10518224911887147,0.0,0.20977441452590448,0.044850169320354516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03707124139613304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03253760501216533,0.0,0.0,0.106639160256727,0.0,0.03788474244168217,0.0,0.0,0.05809008260995779,0.06712089317110666,0.0481935452280716,0.0,0.046041093287659214,0.06582492807898258,0.0,0.044759636692190886,0.0679497355268276,0.2508558656261514,0.0,0.05035109365459912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624931386455855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078006956121077
suicidewatch,toxxxicity,2019/01/17,Need advice Ive lately been really depressed because nothing makes me happy i have no friends i hate everything im suicidal but im getting therapy and i dont like to think ahead before things happen but what do i do if therapy doesnt help ill literally be out of options and only way i could think would be suicide,1.981428571428573,4.4824912500000025,4.3850892857142885,79.90812500000001,81.8125,7.4071428571428575,27.892857142857146,8.418075326091056,2.5493107142857148,256,12,46,6,7,89,48,64,0.317,0.612,0.07,-0.9497,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,13,18,5,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,4,13,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237070438116273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752847522669506,0.0,0.15009876269330766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083668798512242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519283600685526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673308884932412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853203986030331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628198515072654,0.0,0.09215886748602696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559851104431999,0.18777526940572145,0.0,0.17415309059698394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823354288967218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810727484203025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898072594939065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617746291498603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177447261370561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079431739041228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925531989847453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415599740734652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300286008664301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858939966848695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034450621460164,0.0,0.11718869532515205,0.22605299931028736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400137765047563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253056212321184,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,albinocobra,2019/01/17,"I have no reason to live My mom kicked me out, I’m not in college, my friends are all in different states. There’s nothing I want to do for a career, and I still have to battle with mental illness everyday. There’s no reason for me not to die. My life is pointless. ",0.562738095238096,2.6585821785714288,2.589285714285716,93.12238095238096,84.35714285714286,5.161904761904762,21.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.3701761904761902,206,7,45,2,6,69,39,56,0.185,0.71,0.106,-0.3971,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,1,9,7,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,10,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,33,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927700539606342,0.2947292150302097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794588310193014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199252028121178,0.0,0.0,0.2490950370691681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842853921154173,0.0,0.0,0.3303862331669873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27067774309402964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800812481005235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225281416790179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663869290412384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bvhghgghgh,2019/01/17,I’m lost again and I want to end it So when I first started highschool it was the first year my parents had divorced and I was forced to move to a new school I began to feel destroyed hopeless and shattered but at the time I didn’t have the knowledge to put these emotions into words so I started to miss a lot of school because I dreaded heading to a school everyday and for some reason my school had a policy taht if you miss more than 18 days of school they took your credits did not matter if you were passing they were taken from you and I was passing all my classes and they took my credits the second year begins and I find out they held me back for this and I had a even bigger depression but once again I did not know this feeling of just nothingness and pure sorrow so I then again failed the year due to not showing up but I did pass my classes my parents noticed and allowed me to move back to my hometown as the year began I met this girl and this girl she was my everything she made feel again she allowed me to feel like I mattered again come to find out she confesses it was a game to her and that all of it was a joke and nothing will ever happen this triggered a big depression and I started to have severe anxiety I then proceeded to cut off all my friends and family I quit playing soccer and started smoking heavy amounts of weed at this point it was my third year in 9th grade and I couldn’t help but to feel less than the rest I was angry with myself and I hated myself I began to skip school everyday just to smoke so taht I can keep myself calm school was a mental torture so once the year I finished I decided I will drop out because school was breaking me to much I was never bullied or anything but I was always filled with anxiety and I couldn’t manage to stay in the rooms for 40 minutes without freaking out so I dropped out I began to try and start my life but everything I’ve attameted to do I’m always restricted by my age because I’m not 18 all my ambitions everything is held back because of my age I’m only 5 months from marking my 18th birthday but I don’t know if I’ll make it it I feel as if I’ll kill my self it’s been three years that I’ve felt nothing or just pure sorrow I have no friends left I developed crazy anger issues and I’ve locked myself in my room I began to smoke thc oil at heave rates and also weed I made a entire year high with out missing a day after the year I had said I would quit but I didint and I continued my lungs got fucked up and they hurt all the time now I’m 17 I’ve lost everything even tho I had nothing but I’ve lost my remorse my emotions my feeling of enjoyment it’s all gone I attempted to work a job it was a 11 hour work day and my anxiety and depression woudl kill me when I got home I would cry and just cut myself to try and head to sleep I eventually quit and I couldn’t take it anymore now I’m here a failure in everyone’s eyes and I’m what every parents fears their son will become and I feel guilty for parents they don’t deserve to have such a cunt of a son my idol was recently killed the only one who understood me now I’m alone I want to take my life but I’m to much of a fucking pussy to do it all I’ve ever wanted was for someone to hug me 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suicidewatch,Brianandwaeyo,2019/01/17,"I need an answer, a perspective on how you feel. I feel damn awful, damn shitty as a human being. 

Why can someone treat someone so nice but the person don’t deserve it. But to those who deserve all our love and care, we didn’t treat them the way?!? 

My grandmother just admitted to hospital today & she is in great pain :( she fell down an escalator & have to stitched up her head. There might be blood clot in her head, still must be under observation. 

All along for my fucking 20 years, I didn’t treat her well enough. Honestly, a bad grandson. Only know how to cherish her when she’s going through so much pain.

Why does all the bad things happen to those good people?!? Like wtf, some people deserve this, but definitely not my Grandmother. Is so fucking unfair. 

I hate myself for treating the girl I love so nice that I’m willingly to scarified so much for her but I didn’t scarified so much for my Grandmother even though she did so much for me. I don’t get why I can’t treat her as nice as I treat the girl I love. 

I just wish my Grandmother will get well soon :( ",2.601392031480572,4.542173177570096,3.6904820462370895,88.66457697983276,76.57009345794394,7.12208558780128,23.412690605017207,8.032893268588372,1.175816822429907,836,26,175,14,19,270,116,214,0.171,0.5429999999999999,0.28600000000000003,0.9878,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,1,0,19,29,5,0,10,1,18,10,3,2,4,25,36,19,0,3,7,1,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,7,9,2,0,4,2,32,20,22,25,9,14,0,0,0,5,24,6,4,2,6,123,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603711966644562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006452767248563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225038718011885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514659744862284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415004683947302,0.0,0.07935984591140773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150581548431587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215880809200925,0.1255498442884283,0.0,0.06828565222883272,0.10077853749148492,0.0,0.13246897748202266,0.0,0.0,0.1062507974635557,0.0,0.0,0.1186260964530354,0.24662304375432176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603288212654614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058700629387555964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253280034706489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746322106557836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533047753517706,0.08909184015671252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138168167813536,0.2557022774495383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659776057212286,0.10491286276254554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036102953989915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959542474249852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982423640713507,0.0,0.11804959731760865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389088380212045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537176572331588,0.0,0.0,0.21606374286615826,0.0,0.3252578644691763,0.0,0.1381698855132808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737451716675907
suicidewatch,redlight0,2019/01/17,"feeling hopeless, need advice I will try to explain what I feel, it costs me a lot.

I'm from southamerica, Venezuela, and this country is so fucking shit I can even explain it, anything relatively simple turns out to be a huge sacrifice here. Many people ignore it but there are others who feel that here they have no way out of misery, including myself. I have dealt with depression since many years (different reasons), was medicated but I managed to quit. But now that I'm somewhat older (23 yo) and I must have more responsibilities I feel that the roads are closing for me more and more.

My mother is unemployed and my father has been a government employee since many years, with a miserable salary. I have a degree but I don't have a permanent job, apart from the fact that the salaries are shit, so I'm a freelancer but I don't always have work. Fortunately we have been able to survive these years.

But now things have become tighter, my mother suffers from a circulatory condition, my father also has health problems and is old, the money every time lasts less, we have to save food and medicines more and more what we can, you have to live to the limit always.

And this type of things increasingly make me think that I lost my time doing things like getting a university degree, seeing that every field of work is already saturated, or you can not find people who pay you a good salary, having to meet people that they want to take advantage of you, or have to live seeing that many people get money in easy/illegal ways while honest, hardworking or talented people never get what they deserve. Nor do I think being another immigrant more like many of us is a solution, just to be a damn slave outside our country.

I don't think the world owes me anything, I just don't see sense anymore. I don't see any reasons to move forward beside my parents. It's been a long time since I did it but I've been considering again finishing everything, I just don't know what to do. I just want to give up.

p.s.: sorry for my bad english",5.868046272493572,6.663560555269921,6.282513110539849,77.73414498714655,66.84061696658097,9.206005141388175,30.727095115681234,9.281916038205594,2.631310663239076,1612,59,298,29,25,521,195,389,0.126,0.7809999999999999,0.093,-0.9471,9,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,5,4,3,7,14,19,4,1,19,0,45,6,2,3,3,57,75,23,0,5,15,5,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,26,16,1,2,13,0,5,3,10,12,0,0,7,8,42,7,30,63,10,30,1,5,4,1,23,10,4,5,19,208,68,9,0.0854868845577153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353679420177819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433690287548717,0.06836383069524422,0.1422638723271162,0.0,0.0,0.058134012969427835,0.08964045219753954,0.0,0.0,0.0847800184701309,0.0,0.0,0.14069684407275085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713779778161388,0.0,0.09441354763058213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362972840440116,0.0,0.0,0.08931559940692776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646328100436088,0.0,0.14405277451794632,0.0,0.07683009961433751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728989497034484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813346376025695,0.0,0.10337108013787764,0.0,0.0,0.0790312472563021,0.13399010652109136,0.0820068093170847,0.0,0.07170234286924529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086856073790876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483254208085156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046981356077747415,0.06968322069702923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352914737113867,0.0,0.1509729705135829,0.0756532027182034,0.0,0.0,0.09331903293207088,0.07267789221104826,0.0,0.0,0.057063159258812564,0.4333514162221505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611904251550427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085902935327736,0.0,0.06338744169916483,0.06593275547017467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970410490149497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492306861062934,0.0,0.0,0.2963292097486554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179940326579194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092582451574502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578951029169773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724879158729773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550211703790794,0.21214690290969584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569556834803894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427549821335052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703810625935218,0.16432963144642573,0.0,0.0,0.14954426955875594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803998310820903,0.09298518222193183,0.0,0.0,0.1028301964004577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084475880189156,0.13571101974994085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447094020379575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515225257268767
suicidewatch,Raliunique,2019/01/17,"I'm searching for a brother and idgaf how lame it sounds Small summary I'm tried of pain and bullshit honestly I felt so much this way that I became used to it, therefore I don't plan to hang myself cuz I'm still young and yeah yeah whatever the fuck it happens from now on it happens but  all I care now is going forward with life no matter how many times because I realized as much as I'm crying afterwards all I remain with is a burning passion to step forward and hopefully make some progress no matter how small it is.

Also, I'm 19 nice to meet ya, I have only one requirement and that is, be by my side and I'll be by yours, let's have contact and now each other with all our problems and such, no shame, thanks",1.0613000000000028,3.2690562466666684,2.7769166666666685,91.85137500000002,83.2,5.616666666666667,23.375,6.9077264865688965,0.7952999999999997,567,21,120,7,16,187,95,150,0.16899999999999998,0.653,0.17800000000000002,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,2,0,3,10,11,1,1,3,2,10,4,0,7,3,31,25,17,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,12,0,1,2,0,0,5,4,5,0,1,1,2,12,6,15,21,7,17,0,1,0,2,6,6,1,2,9,80,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287593035959342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177892982524786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040591748012803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23745926930520805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756293447763105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985129940740345,0.0,0.0,0.12285784611485892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823275812205481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471162125955545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105468470698134,0.15269155599296005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442992097692841,0.2191686115016468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31782857968723416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464865041890961,0.16441164752599288,0.2300265870554997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068513100951361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263849402361411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990258871669872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605400871094552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676936584515773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867067218905428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715905074417683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadnessandhate,2019/01/17,"Please kill me. Please kill me. PLEASE KILL ME Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me. Please kill me.

It's your fault that I'm forced to still be here. It's your fault I can't just go to sleep and give up. I resent you for making me keep living. All of you. Why won't you just let me die?

But it's my fault I have to keep being this person. I could change this but I'm just trapped in myself. I'm so sick and tired of being this. It's my fault I'm losing another job. It's my fault my relationships suck. It's my fault I hate myself. 

SOMEONE FIX THIS. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME FIX THIS. I ALREADY KNOW THE SOLUTION. JUST LET ME DIE. ",-2.2863351648351617,-0.7581050071428557,-0.1728571428571417,105.89247252747255,109.78571428571428,3.0109890109890114,9.670329670329672,5.069623422648166,-1.947192307692308,489,6,126,3,26,158,62,140,0.415,0.498,0.087,-0.9963,1,1,0,0,0,7,21.0,0,6,0,1,7,17,10,0,1,0,11,3,1,1,1,14,23,5,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,17,0,0,0,0,30,0,8,14,1,4,0,1,0,0,9,2,1,0,1,74,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886933275250409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842778355437725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502371178742382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417110038196921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682844925123785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710086484017624,0.045677685657822986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935145038137928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975755203125144,0.14287798509000235,0.622443772752312,0.0,0.04417076112488077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24655974495421645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709706101909189,0.0,0.0,0.0899165479921708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053649434309238186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017838462860056,0.0,0.6175760032737867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629025416182022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043079360858754,0.0,0.0680995697219439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418578146875771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237665209198763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450478102502929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,richie881,2019/01/17,"Sitting in this ledge before I jump onto the freeway I’m just sitting on this ledge feeling sorry for myself for missing out opportunities because my anxiety and depression have taken its toll on my life. Bullied relentlessly through high school, you’d think bullies would get their ultimate karma, no, they’re having the time of their lives with girls and holidays while I’m struggling to cope for myself, to find a job, to find love, to be satisfied with life. Everyone my age have seen the world, go out to mingle with people. I don’t. I sit and loathe at home thinking how unfair this world is and that once I die than it is the end so what’s the point living a joyous life anyone dreams of when it’ll be nothingness when we die. But I want to achieve those things at the same time. I just hate myself in general, people around me. I fucking hate this planet, money, race, me being ugly. This whole “hustle” mindset. Looks I get from people. STUCK IN THIS FUCKING BODY TILL THE DAY I DAY YOU GET IT NOW! IM STUCK.IM DEAD. IM FUCKING GONE.THIS WORLD IS SO FUCKING POINTLESS SO FUCKING USELESS ALL GOOD IT DOES IS FUCK ME UP I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO I FEAR MY PARENTS I FEAE MY FRIENDS FOR BEING FAKE I FEAR THIS WORLD IS NOTHING BUT AN ILLUSION TO FUCK UP SELECTED PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF TO KILL THEMSELVES. IM SICK OF SEEING FAKE HAPPINESS, TRYING TO FIT IN, TRYING TO BE SOMEONE


I’m done. I really am",0.884285714285717,3.446703673992676,2.289322344322347,90.22651098901102,94.6776556776557,4.651282051282052,21.15201465201465,6.42735559955562,0.6130454212454217,1105,40,208,14,42,355,158,273,0.23,0.657,0.113,-0.9884,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,2,2,2,11,24,10,3,10,0,20,13,1,1,1,26,48,14,4,2,4,1,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,16,11,0,0,5,2,1,3,4,18,0,0,4,4,31,6,39,36,3,39,1,3,3,8,9,22,7,0,12,137,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663459261349422,0.0,0.0,0.06090538979370815,0.0,0.0,0.07754134250982786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309800589920437,0.0,0.07411938995833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675330134041314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235020510173516,0.0,0.07502285271105298,0.0,0.1808011354891971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622560742134209,0.089137996420184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714860395508708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323194329512827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960332300468853,0.044042578719882285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922360357748566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729660804947481,0.5636860036941499,0.1365252900439772,0.0,0.09900682372244413,0.07305899973678652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272420483606383,0.0,0.17199503317401488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203053266379443,0.0873727694035444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376350599243388,0.0,0.08643763120624934,0.0,0.09636806243342023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457314424144447,0.042554787693133686,0.0,0.15382948132012456,0.0,0.07314571980782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861508052393154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357897715460005,0.0,0.0,0.09276329453572683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671907732897116,0.0,0.0,0.24154876720286506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234176941545454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055801279789912964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881542568167108,0.06941089292697368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380323672199961,0.0,0.0,0.097506193284373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106038348238236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578682625469815,0.11162590621326528,0.0,0.0,0.10158249891736144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182762777600818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051376404953734287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724890088421292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187643413857965,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smartdodobird,2019/01/17,"turning 18 this year and i already want to die I’ve been living alone for the past 2 years, my mother moved out and my brother is in university. Tbh i’ve coped with the loneliness through music, and only music. And since graduating, i’ve got a part time job. 

Never really had a proper friend, high school friends never lasted too. I really lack the motivation to move on, and I don’t think anything is worth it anymore. ",4.4730894308943085,5.840499073170732,5.713170731707318,78.4438211382114,70.46341463414635,8.393495934959349,27.081300813008127,8.841846274778883,2.093359349593496,332,11,62,6,6,111,62,82,0.13,0.726,0.14300000000000002,0.0347,1,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,2,13,9,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,5,2,8,6,2,13,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,35,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941690239210472,0.2068848836215102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592622526279795,0.0,0.0,0.1542771138582098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457091796648907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896876232284437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994201375763028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807912348436946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860414117991385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281829872350952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655451073898476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985155149417256,0.0,0.0,0.28918673449130106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425842600832128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301868581597934,0.17896744958922325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020438152783585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897361388253659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550824261461622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012731547282768,0.0,0.0,0.10931900405493783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039205021167592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057844572290801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145732660899102
suicidewatch,Re-Cloud,2019/01/17,yep ive always known that i would probably not live past 15 yearsold but the days are getting less and less until i do it. The only thing that is stopping me from doing it is my grandparents and my sister. ,3.849285714285713,4.905240595238098,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,71.61904761904762,7.504761904761906,25.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.4398476190476193,163,5,32,2,3,54,33,42,0.047,0.914,0.04,-0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,8,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32742593776924617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25377681845205297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558902534108014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474702722456161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992766892976268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756430462509982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42426268380054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289860464127022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26142584333020064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27953317181090265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,d4ejav,2019/01/17,"Need someone to talk to desperately Hello, if anyone has a few hours to spare I'd greatly appreciate it",3.3520000000000003,5.9358422,6.0100000000000025,69.785,77.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.0370000000000004,84,4,14,2,2,30,18,20,0.12,0.741,0.139,0.101,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32644044257524385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147164940226235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597645730236914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461719149882493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955702662870719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752456199979205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zytocx,2019/01/17,"I feel like giving up. Hello everybody. 

So I am Anorexic, but had binges for around 5000 excess Calories for about 5-6 days now. I can see myself getting fatter, ever since the binges started.

Same today, though i tried to make myself purge (it semi-worked). I also drank a glass of Lurkwarm salt water to may help the purge. 

I feel like giving up, I just wanna end my life.",2.4307240704501005,4.639825849315071,3.510019569471627,88.47191780821919,78.17808219178082,4.719373776908023,18.647749510763205,5.288315135182226,-0.219151076320939,289,6,54,1,7,93,57,73,0.0,0.813,0.187,0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,1,10,13,4,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,10,10,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,8,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120787779095488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284935170500532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154199473118471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177129264566494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627929280863967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179190157187336,0.3416256291408497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491968171050295,0.45873228034362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602634336573452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888313090945267,0.2336239915185795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960085137072128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905314388759696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977856744458712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923593995904074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234914160293035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226638480277272,0.0,0.0,0.16233294542278384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406736925779295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poop_dyck,2019/01/17,I can't do this anymore It's 9:00 a.m And I am officially done. I can't live this life I'm going through such a hard time that I'm not gonna get into but as most people are I'm struggling financially I have 2 boys who love me I have a boyfriend who probably doesn't cares much as he puts on. I just got pulled over and I got a bunch of speeding tickets for something that wasn't my fault but my license was suspended I have bills I can't pay I have no friends I have no family besides my own and I don't think I can make it through the day I don't want to try anymore I got let go of my job back in December a week before Christmas I haven't been able to find work since I stopped drinking I stopped taking drugs I tried all the things that people tell me would make it better and it's not getting better and I don't want to fucken be here anymore. I just don't know what to do but I know how to do what I'm going to do before the end of this day I don't write notes it's horribly upsetting that my family is probably going to find me the way they will but it's too hard and I do the right things and it still doesn't work for me,0.16423529411764548,1.8894898941176488,2.3166274509803952,96.62082352941178,83.3921568627451,5.648627450980393,20.396078431372548,6.742157984588678,0.07769490196078399,893,26,221,10,25,301,123,255,0.124,0.767,0.11,-0.0877,1,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,4,8,8,0,2,9,0,33,4,0,3,1,32,57,14,0,3,8,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,20,8,1,2,5,2,2,6,16,3,0,0,7,2,34,5,20,45,5,22,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,10,144,54,4,0.1126685109451824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352106637768201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663513030471134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917452087728148,0.0,0.0,0.19929228404317767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487305587124212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532373745257973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152990043684019,0.0,0.1103722473761807,0.13065970281158001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979085891164942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242768975685816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595395568344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704741206992242,0.0,0.1177292934951175,0.0,0.2561284448680032,0.0,0.2703339020016414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185771091198965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111806112076656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383933415871493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521118596661248,0.07958110128430479,0.0,0.0,0.0994883593474056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168773000038606,0.0,0.15041421188246973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282431934973103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622031840172104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295142183447824,0.0,0.0,0.11326297275144312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621829273690084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320055653812144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867377242110171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997721838067141,0.18839184022426608,0.0,0.11778559059631465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847126984615835,0.0,0.09847724463173033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970390460078675,0.07219343245859511,0.0,0.0,0.06569791478829977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529890463529653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290961379185928,0.08943101970077642,0.09037588342041034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404803568716353,0.0,0.0,0.0800364775579561,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icriedwhenATLAended,2019/01/17,please kill me hooOOoly fuck i really wanna die boys what the fuck,0.30128205128205465,1.7953586153846146,0.6230769230769262,98.31358974358973,116.69230769230768,4.810256410256411,12.025641025641027,6.42735559955562,-0.4312358974358972,54,1,11,1,3,16,12,13,0.631,0.278,0.091,-0.939,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832009236890317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6826916583610046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084966661154114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053020520949299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653725294001135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peachcreams,2019/01/17,"I’ve lived long past my time I’ve been contemplating suicide as long as I can remember 

I’ve done everything to get better, I got my diagnosis, and have been taking them for more than three months only to find out the best version of myself still sucks a lot. 

Last time I tried I was stopped because I left a note. This time I made no such mistake. I’ll be gone before my family comes home. I told a few of my friends some final words and my phone has been blowing up so I just turned it off. I scrubbed all of my presence on social media. It’s all done. I can finally go in peace. My first attempt was when I was 18, I’m finally succeeding. Honestly my life’s been going down hill from then anyway so it’s about time. I just needed to get my last word out without alarming any more people. It’s finally over. I’m glad I got to choose how I go. Goodbye",0.5956703910614536,2.8031905083798883,2.6010586592178773,92.35521927374303,85.25698324022346,5.81463687150838,21.240502793296088,7.1686216300943375,0.6111048044692735,667,22,147,10,20,223,112,179,0.076,0.7859999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.895,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,5,10,9,1,1,4,0,14,1,0,2,2,22,31,9,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,3,0,2,14,0,25,6,22,16,9,33,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,2,19,93,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347837954635033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748309989541985,0.0,0.10445642729007024,0.0,0.12882498754426155,0.10856782347189296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574353852626286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124428700996043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103252964759624,0.0,0.11572355664842472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378933712626973,0.11219688113531467,0.10441630354346804,0.0,0.0,0.09484108341339448,0.0,0.12827002525475992,0.0,0.20929541694550935,0.0,0.19635858619676735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313440976057492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001252639626936,0.0,0.0,0.13337489707566025,0.0,0.08670628667250707,0.0,0.0,0.1083959139411262,0.2172706285983863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436287399965356,0.0,0.11615482063384205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979827737517937,0.0,0.0,0.09102211676695666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336157032380488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718461855989586,0.0851036457953705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905876817665633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513441797830166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980332059371478,0.10262962337559377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427528476284006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229733440570437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863203520177335,0.0,0.0,0.11729874514490908,0.0,0.08334335600260076,0.13352342178392315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833253110936222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beautiful18angel,2019/01/17,Happening today... I feel like such a burden... i go to therapy and i’v been to hospitals three times... there is no hope for me... ,-1.032,0.625173800000006,1.936,90.08800000000004,111.0,6.8000000000000025,17.0,7.554174236665415,1.2233999999999994,95,3,20,3,5,33,23,25,0.083,0.7140000000000001,0.203,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,3,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286209398780068,0.30075096107883953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925483508447076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37227464621042056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181319725168231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056714543255731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481431744828107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245479080250831,0.0,0.3990434847189675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QueenOfNightmares,2019/01/17,"I have been planning for so very long - I don't know who I am anymore This is going to be long - but I just need to talk to keep dangerous things away from my hands. Trigger warning for self harm

​

I had a loving a wonderful childhood, complete love and stability.  I was a moderately intelligent child who did well in school, enjoyed reading, I could read into the night and lose myself in all those wonderful worlds and my parents encouraged me everyday of my life.  My brother is someone I am still very close to and I had a close group of friends despite social anxiety from a young age.  I was always emotional, would cry easily and get angry, perhaps moreso than my peers but things went on well until I was about 16.

​

At 16 I found that I was beginning to hate myself, I dreaded looking in the mirror and seeing myself and I began to lose all confidence in myself.  My grades were starting to slip and school became a chore where before it was somewhere I enjoyed being.  I went to my schools sixth form college and as I changed I began to lose my friends, even my best friend whom I had known since I was 5.  I began to want to hurt people, I turned it on myself and took to self-harming in the school toilets and at home.  I would break open razor and use them, I still have the scars today.  I stopped when I was 22, and amazingly have not done it since, even though I think about it every damn day.

​

I got my first job working in a restaurant and things got better for a while, but soon I was starting to look for a more permanent measure.  I planned how to do it, how I was going to book a hotel room so my parents wouldn't have to find me.  I became obsessed with the macabre, reading grotesque accounts of murders and I wondered what it would be like.  I got through it all and went of to university and I honestly tried to put it all behind me.

​

I got a degree, a job, a husband and moved into a home in 2012 when I was 22 and I tried to make things work.  I still kept an out in my mind, I still fantasised about driving away and never coming back.  I don't know why.

​

Sorry this is where it gets a little personal.  Prior to getting a home with my husband we had a healthy sex life, no it is non-existent, and has only become worse after finding out that I am infertile.  I cried so much after that one.  I felt broken and bitter of pregnant women but again I made my peace with it.  I gave it a lot of thought and with how I feel now I know I am not capable of raising a child, I am not ready for that responsibility and it kills me inside to reach that conclusion as my husband would make such an amazing father.

​

I have always had this emptiness and dissociation for a long time, for 12 years, and I just want it to go away and everyday I think that there is one way of doing that forever.

​

All the things I enjoyed, I can't anymore, the depression leaves me unmotivated to even start something and the anxiety sucks all the joy out of it if I do.   By being perfectionist and obsessive.  I used to read, I can barely concentrate now.  Baking leaves my vulnerable to binge eating - how I self medicate, cross stitch can sometimes help because I can get into a meditative state.  I find it difficult to try new things, I play the same videogames again and again because they are familiar.  My beloved animal to not get the care they need because I just can't care about anything and they deserve so much better than that.  All day my brain is screaming at me.  Occasionally, and this is scary to admit, I have heard voices, outside of my own shouting, I don't know who they are.  I have had headaches for the last week solid and find deep sleep  difficult.  I used to be smart, I have a good degree that is going to hell, as I work self-employed but I am so demotivated with it.

​

There is so much of me that just wants this all to stop, I know what I would do.  Will I take that option?  There is a comfort in knowing it is there.  My family know there is something wrong and I have tried to talk to them about it and they try to understand but they tell me to go and take a walk, do something you enjoy.  When we talk about a future, they ask me what I want to do with my life.  Truthfully I don't know, I didn't think I would be here, this is all to much.  Because outside of my mental illness, I don't know who I am.  I think it is just a scared little girl who doesn't want to feel this anymore.  I little girl who wanted to be a vet and help people and she would be so sad to see me like this.  But I just don't know what to do...",3.9926598401598383,4.981805786796542,4.88278787878788,85.37456643356646,71.21861471861472,7.634205794205794,27.85174825174825,7.882392219407189,1.5869097102897105,3593,126,742,45,65,1169,354,924,0.147,0.688,0.165,0.9444,5,0,3,0,0,0,123.0,2,1,9,13,52,51,8,4,41,0,91,13,3,11,11,151,173,66,2,18,18,7,4,2,3,9,5,4,6,8,57,56,2,4,30,7,1,15,17,23,2,3,39,13,134,28,109,116,19,100,1,6,4,3,53,34,3,6,50,553,191,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246736987854262,0.3253694854004869,0.3648912696598393,0.0,0.0,0.05743120944484341,0.0,0.11167947319554092,0.0,0.0,0.03088964772176016,0.0,0.03509190868567681,0.0,0.10580138206663453,0.028863537942512982,0.0,0.09152851629449847,0.04145652655808408,0.03194111377938472,0.0,0.03939263185167579,0.06639662665593654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190356390324928,0.0,0.0,0.07654268643794493,0.0,0.03970903389728133,0.032334691920132226,0.03935669665128432,0.0,0.0,0.029970138291120437,0.0,0.08246498369922757,0.04841635483385685,0.0,0.03233045328415178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841325309509415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840959166181817,0.0,0.04222392924179184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437825081012958,0.0,0.03162643403643554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538642270042281,0.0,0.03795954118942611,0.0,0.036041284171268784,0.0,0.13723208572253587,0.03192884457595966,0.0,0.041157243223667435,0.08700268374645019,0.0,0.09805733302962373,0.0,0.10666534840720417,0.031484147731282434,0.1200866639992058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03705989031472394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050320348791884635,0.0,0.11295763107227536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040183998371315005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449910785103127,0.033364496996432916,0.0415289878750358,0.0,0.20629283454031053,0.030597561070181505,0.0,0.07949225616987296,0.0,0.0,0.07954020943978146,0.03667723968931829,0.1128654226169471,0.0,0.0996568528479512,0.06304303800044843,0.1259824763146518,0.0,0.03191250667141484,0.06775698594394669,0.035518296366644546,0.05011230774967456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781444996824088,0.03782833871713266,0.0,0.03790154066926663,0.0,0.0,0.03989575498385135,0.11037568135261494,0.0556662306670751,0.028950750149670093,0.03625334537116828,0.0,0.03522581202727902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087191254085822,0.028548483015349683,0.0,0.0,0.08336050945207192,0.0,0.0,0.05204668212214052,0.03277574920559679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773492462001076,0.0,0.0,0.1501881220581347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037580957736595456,0.1519572758870521,0.05982405494042664,0.0,0.15663657803640804,0.0,0.0,0.06210177766085965,0.0,0.0375639811841413,0.03826411438774118,0.03180487026066213,0.08669315501713183,0.037124926721541884,0.0420194555789193,0.07970637467810554,0.0,0.11990797947936155,0.0627650124060267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056446113202777926,0.09051214874113732,0.03280888107289552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962698095066534,0.09620844891165774,0.03687978664981149,0.029800083858621932,0.021888052220462268,0.0,0.03558056606224567,0.0,0.04170484651231094,0.12742536222507286,0.04082933829978398,0.0,0.03907720808530118,0.0,0.09725941730316448,0.0,0.06194370198978547,0.1328413196972172,0.02979502219587025,0.030109814933253307,0.0,0.06750031275604408,0.10439117063039582,0.03387118894759457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212141104358012,0.08198187073414613,0.0,0.03825327994604372,0.1866558206881889,0.041040677445872455,0.3648912696598393,0.024172515197699928
suicidewatch,DeeplyRegretful1,2019/01/17,I Belong in Prison I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. I'm a worthless POS. I deserve everything that happens to me. I was selfish and thoughtless. I wish I could take it back ,0.8649523809523814,3.3184778285714316,2.193571428571431,89.72559523809527,99.28571428571428,4.61904761904762,28.690476190476193,6.42735559955562,1.7414761904761913,144,8,26,2,6,46,28,35,0.453,0.482,0.065,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,8,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34520051037623656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35843516670570785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034705654362336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22699318805504698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39698852525716055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33754051781805405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162489166604363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,appydave,2019/01/17,"birthday gift to me (grateful for self-love) - Day 17 On August 4, I tested out the Williams, Suicide Technique,

​

On December 17, In a dark spiral of despair, I had written the letters.

​

On the 1st day of 2019... well, there was not meant to be a 2019 for me.

​

Today the 17th of January, I'm having another birthday.

​

and for 17 days, I've been on a pilgrimage of self-healing and self-love through a personal daily project.

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What are you grateful for?

​

I'm grateful for gratitude bridge as a way to self-love.

​

I have an inner group of people who are aware of this project and the depths of depression that I have been in.

​

In sharing this particular video, I will be sharing this message with people I know, who are not aware of this darkness that I've been in.

​

In putting myself out like this, I am risking opportunities around, employment, business and other types of relationships based on peoples personal judgments.

​

Starting this project was a last-ditch attempt to find closure around a series of events over many years that have ripped me to pieces and left me with a total lack of trust in people and the integrity of humanity in general.

​

Each assault, theft, lie or betrayal has had a stacking effect on me, and the damage has meant that I have been making less and less rational decisions.

​

This project is about taking an intimate look into my coping mechanisms around expectation, caregiving, trust, perfectionism and the inner turmoil that shatters me through betrayal.

​

The primary purpose of ""Gratitude Bridge"" is to provide a way for me to heal and also to expose the inner thinking of people with Major Depression so that other people might heal or support them.

​

The central theme of this project is the simple spiritual principle of ""Gratitude.""

​

The other principal I am employing is mindfulness via journaling, daily reflection, storytelling and videography of this amazing Sydney Harbour Bridge.

​

today, I am grateful for project ""Gratitude Bridge""

​

What are you grateful for?

​",11.35393993993994,10.8559676972973,9.648288288288287,62.50084084084085,55.81081081081082,12.330330330330332,47.85285285285286,11.429527900616536,5.9155375375375385,1768,101,246,38,18,540,172,370,0.098,0.762,0.14,0.9424,2,0,0,0,0,1,127.0,0,2,1,3,8,16,1,2,25,0,30,2,0,2,1,40,42,16,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,22,21,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,11,1,22,9,60,27,7,37,0,4,1,0,14,25,0,3,10,184,44,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02128573239665818,0.0,0.5191142508532031,0.5821697073380753,0.0,0.0279104119530416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108474389556634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149759662246608,0.0,0.045850640004107684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024327601070788383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01462809446066646,0.021696537090005703,0.0,0.0,0.028919621081096487,0.0,0.0,0.01300379937886342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022351709816119256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01776716028546757,0.026985621448094837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02823659937233784,0.02687574284149391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071791962287213,0.046482153048791185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026757596454460686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028576867519790345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107000709054687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01883976210333453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029114851752761437,0.030204836550073163,0.0,0.0,0.02001279098490361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017055200702074447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050459908845821765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042254923697185226,0.0,0.0,0.023932022489297843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821697073380753,0.01714057768665521
suicidewatch,YummyYummySmegma,2019/01/17,"Question I plan to kill myself. Maybe not now but sometime this year probably. And all I really wanted to know is... Whats the best width rope to hang yourself with. Originally I bought a 10 mm, which I though was too thin to snap my neck, so would a 16mm thick rope do better?",1.9531578947368402,3.6790506315789484,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,77.77192982456141,6.665263157894738,20.171929824561406,7.554174236665415,0.4335361403508777,214,5,48,3,5,70,48,57,0.049,0.7859999999999999,0.165,0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,3,1,4,1,1,1,1,10,7,4,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,2,5,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32452423753887216,0.2734942250342982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34212395801967044,0.0,0.16994808849279516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31066925431143066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33340884798733944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464152348984555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981045817692747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30584243732073346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038229252665993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823954800765744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196724726125948,0.0,0.0,0.1991379274547419
suicidewatch,Skyrimrocks67,2019/01/17,Want to die. My depression this week has been a lot worse than it normally is when college is back on. I'm dealing with suicidal thoughts everyday and I don't know how much more I can take. I don't feel like I'm going to do anything but I can't shake the feeling of wanting to from my head. I just thought I'd post here I guess to see if others have had the same kind of thing. Wanting to die but not actually doing anything. ,0.9645665445665444,2.9185868241758257,2.8764102564102565,92.44914529914531,81.85714285714286,6.242246642246642,25.49572649572649,7.3871296695380915,1.143160195360195,335,14,76,5,9,112,66,91,0.201,0.767,0.033,-0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,12,1,1,1,0,20,26,6,3,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,3,8,2,11,22,4,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,5,52,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.17989527582586368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034023915868388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417508305743296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005281316527065,0.15877709153329367,0.0,0.38264445301028016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642193145339525,0.13169694519211908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476818025798146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307809658046305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919236077029788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196817467608826,0.10131183743262147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006223006149583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672452681966828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551565073296176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062011238745607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655267891808146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690003514155986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164479629127666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860538242266807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247140820787634,0.0,0.0,0.2927005446496249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261964531024352,0.0,0.14787138304835304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878645027973984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yamavfx,2019/01/17,"Help Every day I feel an urge to just end it all, the only people I live for is my family and girlfriend, every friend I have at school thinks I’m a fucking idiot and I’m ignored 50% of the time. The only people who I thought were real friends all of a sudden hate me for no reason and I can’t bear to live knowing I have no skills, no talents, no chance at doing anything at life even with all my struggle. Every asshole in my life treats me like dirt and I’m nice to everyone around me, I just want to fuckig die instead of living with this constant pain.",1.9717948717948701,3.5816082735042762,3.596931623931624,90.11334615384621,77.37606837606837,5.363760683760684,22.81111111111111,5.6839178017228535,0.3097870085470089,436,13,91,2,10,145,74,117,0.223,0.625,0.152,-0.8655,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,3,1,6,0,6,4,0,1,3,20,16,4,1,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,13,6,16,14,3,10,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,6,59,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079498929160707,0.1414912836649542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175887297380704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250386584324746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495577662461464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077464554061492,0.0,0.0,0.10497910287903432,0.0,0.401744215899228,0.15187504004413865,0.0,0.0,0.14983553130357127,0.0,0.08036539989233639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455950116677601,0.14693849327914468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692143855197854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653487441276407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734987633292986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245296101709765,0.07765059698351162,0.0,0.4210437311181428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24176374971436654,0.16912454518085074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203795035847416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090977763448926,0.0,0.16341793071272204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608568868400179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661597559819431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184304429844564,0.0,0.12618148592325054,0.0926798382932924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374758356902367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yllibllik,2019/01/17,"should I go to the hospital? like, I cant stop thinking about it. all day, every day. every bridge, window, everywhere I see the means. its never been this bad before. I cant think about anything else for longer than a few min before thoughts go back. its making it hard to do the things I need to do.",0.8405854800936794,3.1666463606557405,2.123325526932085,95.36049180327869,85.39344262295081,4.797189695550352,16.911007025761126,6.18269132825596,-0.4007583138173305,232,5,50,2,7,74,43,61,0.094,0.8320000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.2817,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,2,10,15,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,2,5,1,7,12,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770248185398986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539072493468288,0.19044952534799714,0.0,0.0,0.3881835353756862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942043899787311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905438317366384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38435920113446864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25926291946345165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432802562879154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143553625554932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522549661422435,0.0,0.0,0.2484619683339385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912931066394316,0.1759206742522927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817619237363006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069736094640635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151535966190246,0.2923077142009557,0.0,0.18108169280868786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DentalFlossFields,2019/01/17,"A most fascinating title All i do is vent about my issues to my friends like an endless void of negativity taking everyone's time, noone reciprocates by asking for my help because i am useless to them and they only speak to me out of a fear that i may die that i completely irrational considering i have not made enough of an impact on anyone's life ever for my life to have been worth living. I'm not even depressed, never diagnosed and too much of a wimp to jump off any suspended ledge or anything, at this point it feels like common sense that i just exit stage left. All anyone does is remind me of how pitiful my existence and delay my release with the empty assurance of improvement in the future, but I'm too dumb to make anything of myself.",12.494489795918362,7.192217768707486,12.09096598639456,60.740938775510216,58.38775510204081,15.025306122448981,43.68571428571428,11.979248473330829,5.048435102040816,600,21,109,12,5,202,103,147,0.154,0.737,0.109,-0.7905,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,7,10,1,1,7,0,8,3,0,3,5,22,15,6,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,2,2,17,4,23,12,5,17,0,3,0,0,6,8,1,3,9,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127935896002595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630918889415165,0.0,0.30963244909053345,0.0,0.17587759056820235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468323836663635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725233647883064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203741656022638,0.19094954922666008,0.19525083256070824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463517522932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943901677477787,0.0,0.12425910542831575,0.17017574533479468,0.0,0.1797677451532428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170028204002173,0.09512495748337113,0.1344012071371769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453499582800653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610060315243765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636044581002893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440546467668586,0.0,0.2657657356260945,0.18382313150959145,0.0,0.16612359329972712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801460849584722,0.12557926135865055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829832588690927,0.0,0.14509863875099716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308251090275825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177845111308496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414515020537576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970101174169426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azid3232,2019/01/17,"I'm thinking dark thoughts I've been thinking like this for the past few months at least,

I'm not thinking about killing myself

I'm thinking about someone killing me.

I just really want someone to kill me, make it look like an accident.  I just want someone to intimately slit my throat or slip something in my tea.  I want someone to bleed me out.

I just want someone, anyone to do this to me so I don't have to worry about it.  I feel like I might be becoming obsessed with the idea.  

Late last year I think I developed a self harm fetish.  Basically I got off on the idea of someone cutting me, draining me and ingesting my blood.  I even tried a taste of my own.  (I know it's weird)

I wonder if these thoughts have something to do with that.  ",2.55123076923077,4.370388933333333,3.4633333333333347,90.78346153846157,76.33333333333334,6.482051282051282,28.205128205128197,7.321109707123232,1.4156974358974357,580,25,124,7,13,185,86,150,0.095,0.753,0.153,0.7013,0,0,2,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,1,6,0,8,6,2,1,0,28,28,4,3,5,6,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,4,3,0,12,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,3,24,3,20,22,3,10,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,8,77,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865646467112714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423769570133708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429937863543049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056878932206811526,0.08036373788241091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996949128636512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539777513658173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733645474017971,0.0,0.06182222325615368,0.09169534442578656,0.12689497672813554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487255887087698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446427886588377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508875149456748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933538951947036,0.0,0.0,0.08978940498626402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738558188492538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206474512789983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735285812307908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5718805873996878,0.1732024477467468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603991033546132,0.0,0.17861089954627885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763741427037822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654009042457775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199191107334127,0.0,0.11424027707442573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244064654717614
suicidewatch,Picklejuuuuice,2019/01/17,"My partner wants me to kill myself Beginning of last year I was dealing with the trauma of my past and after talking with police, realizing I would never be able to find justice for what happend to me. I was incredibly sick and suicidal.

My partner egged me on while I tried to commit suicide. He screamed at me I should just die alone, take those fucking pills and just get it over and done with and stormed out of the house to let me die alone.

He ended up calling an ambulance while driving away, came back and kept berating me while they tried to get me into the ambulance.

The next day he came to the hospital, where i was in emergency and apologized, but after everything he said, I just can't believe him.

I have brought this up again with him more recently and he sticks by what he said.

Everyday I think about what happend. Everyday I battle these thoughts and remember how sincre he was when he told me to die and get out of his life.

I can't get this out of my head. I will never be able to get what he said out of my mind.

I just want to get rid of this burden on him and just be done with it. Everyone would be better off if i just get it done and die tonight.",5.910778926955395,5.287214609243701,6.324789915966388,82.32496121525534,66.77310924369748,10.012152553329024,32.1732385261797,9.466822959209583,2.5923066580478342,919,33,196,16,13,298,119,238,0.16699999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.042,-0.9848,0,2,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,7,3,0,6,0,19,5,1,1,3,48,41,19,7,6,8,0,0,0,2,4,3,4,0,2,12,24,0,1,5,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,16,4,33,1,41,16,1,40,0,0,0,1,24,15,1,1,21,142,45,0,0.2009263314221184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208099083142272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438845123072707,0.07724997321067001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318758504691523,0.0,0.08885150601886667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102584124646291,0.22980619576145775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647904307732987,0.10357311252529897,0.0,0.0,0.4170596196789928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084260957656205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889805457726131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959968600913012,0.09028981543877962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182151341620393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287657785798907,0.367415003338435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310419164355608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592100478773805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114760800295168,0.0,0.0,0.08189088869462309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273039352728182,0.07096010499050226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014391585388944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496677350816138,0.0,0.1068437164634772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959034593153536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919525617305312,0.0,0.11380518262690499,0.0,0.28669042927403465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197807949125776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553579781947897,0.08074848712146801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643727400628092,0.0,0.07975653173007513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959968600913012,0.0,0.13641578988483175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185115560945059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273230098419487,0.0,0.0,0.06469498490365093
suicidewatch,hermitcait,2019/01/17,cobain. plath. sexton. woolf. cornell. bennington... ...it's so hurt to not follow in their footsteps.,1.942499999999999,-2.665151749999996,1.4150000000000027,88.48000000000002,191.5,3.3000000000000003,20.75,5.148860815047168,0.8525250000000004,76,3,11,1,8,22,16,16,0.238,0.762,0.0,-0.6559999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pillowpants93,2019/01/17,"My partner told me to kill myself. Beginning of last year I was dealing with the trauma of my past and after talking with police, realizing I would never be able to find justice for what happend to me. I was incredibly sick and suicidal.

My partner egged me on while I tried to commit suicide. He screamed at me I should just die alone, take those fucking pills and just get it over and done with and stormed out of the house to let me die alone.

He ended up calling an ambulance while driving away, came back and kept berating me while they tried to get me into the ambulance.

The next day he came to the hospital, where i was in emergency and apologized, but after everything he said, I just can't believe him.

I have brought this up again with him more recently and he sticks by what he said.

Everyday I think about what happend. Everyday I battle these thoughts and remember how sincre he was when he told me to die and get out of his life.

I can't get this out of my head. I will never be able to get what he said out of my mind.

I just want to get rid of this burden on him and just be done with it. I want to be done with this fucking world and have some fucking peace.
",5.296512605042018,5.2123088193277365,5.765210084033615,84.007731092437,67.94957983193278,9.321008403361345,30.865546218487395,9.04235418022936,2.292357983193277,921,33,196,15,14,297,116,238,0.14800000000000002,0.799,0.054000000000000006,-0.9713,0,2,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,0,11,8,5,0,6,0,19,7,1,1,3,47,43,18,6,4,6,0,0,0,2,3,3,4,0,2,12,25,0,1,5,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,17,4,33,0,42,18,2,39,0,0,0,3,25,15,3,1,20,142,45,0,0.2058913066058643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324130007446213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672083004178612,0.07915885293400622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598449845736035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051190220363454,0.2354848046871821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639142989898236,0.1061324482268556,0.0,0.0,0.3205240053176028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160474358889259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117929293765767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252091521463106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409046210112107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855147929032105,0.3227091295537994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565194011050533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878546216359526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389411271222258,0.0,0.0,0.08391444741520472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526890528365214,0.07271355939252229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394576332902312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879606845087738,0.0,0.10948387018064178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827327462112244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164641318049307,0.0,0.11661735713646285,0.0,0.2937746718254634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521167191551464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740231953917467,0.08274381661285682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659634178732258,0.0,0.08172734958146738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967379667400088,0.0,0.13978668212506468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144002709595055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312963845131537,0.0,0.0,0.06629362552126429
suicidewatch,wwe20180,2019/01/17,Are exit bags real? A peaceful painless death. Something I want. I can’t find any of them though. ,-0.21499999999999986,1.4896989473684243,1.1677631578947398,95.1505921052632,112.15789473684212,1.9,20.539473684210527,3.1291,-0.4423789473684212,76,3,14,0,4,24,18,19,0.181,0.509,0.31,0.2023,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205993825484094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308930169861185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366086535036702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362942091087986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631932088381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780710100138122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TemPestt16,2019/01/17,"i dont know anymore i have no idea what to do anymore besides kill myself..its already hard enough to fake myself in school and not break down by distracting myself by fucking around with friends..but theres just that one short moment where i realize that i dont deserve to be in tht class, i dont deserve to have friends, i dont deserve a comfortable life, i dont deserve life in general and i am a piece of shit and bad at everything and worse than everyone in everything..i just feel so inferior tht i want to close myself and be alone forever bcs im not good enough for anything..i planned on going to school the last time tmr bcs its weekends the following day and kill myself after school...i plan on not telling anyone abt my plan tmr and i hope it works..its too painful to continue living..especially with a weak, skinny body...i should die ",2.8827254901960804,4.86584613529412,3.961764705882356,86.84460784313727,75.88235294117645,7.356862745098039,27.803921568627448,8.238735603445708,1.9060509803921568,673,28,136,12,15,218,99,170,0.272,0.6859999999999999,0.042,-0.9907,0,1,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,3,7,14,4,1,5,0,12,7,2,0,0,24,19,8,3,3,5,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,4,1,0,2,9,10,0,1,0,2,15,4,24,16,3,22,0,1,0,1,2,12,2,1,7,82,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637619705694795,0.1239975125704426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228716670897624,0.07856818319291713,0.0,0.0,0.10002862511794076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938200368226127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246609475855313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661707430752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.658454402111846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220605351165996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736952165421787,0.10098636856131762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681509312841894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681287891600181,0.1038795823947646,0.0,0.0,0.0638595885349496,0.09424638598740424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065692132000148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160374547416743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684634746595425,0.12137342411842385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24863033005323965,0.0,0.06175283598737541,0.09159242852962048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873336944806393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614139576151553,0.0,0.1195642253709214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34115797414334753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534100283252965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821191590772026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552090390658706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627575670840691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450948006754938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,19yearoldmonster376,2019/01/17,"I'm 19 and I'm a pedophile, how do I live with myself? I'm struggling with this massively, I'm just thinking to myself ""why me, why did I get cursed with this?"" I can never tell anybody just because of how taboo it is. 

I find adult woman attractive too, I have no issue with that but some part of me is attracted to children, I feel disgusted just writing that. 

What if I meet a woman and fall in love? I'll most likely have to hide this part of me from her forever and that means I can never be 100% truthful to her, there will always be that little part hidden.

What about children? I know deep down to my core that I would rather end my life than do anything to a little kid. I've read so many stories from survivors of childhood sex abuse to know that I never ever want to ruin a childs life, they deserve a happy childhood. 

Is it wrong of me to want kids? I've always liked being around them, I remember when I was 13 and I used to babysit my friends little brother; nothing happened and it never entered my mind. I've been listening to Christian songs about family and love as well as various videos about fatherhood and I've been asking myself, if I have children one day, will the paternal love and guilt outweigh any bad thoughts or urges? I'm a rather emotional guy so I tend to fall in love fairly easily. 

I remember reading a thread on reddit a while ago about this person who has a father that is a pedophile, he never did anything and tried to be as good as a father as he could be, on some days that honestly gives me hope for the future.

I'm feeling very overwhelmed and depressed right now, I honestly don't know how to cope. I wish I didn't have to deal with this, if anybody here can offer any advice I'd really appreciate it, I'm scared. ",4.2709925093633,5.030261623595506,5.210168539325847,84.12804307116106,70.40449438202249,7.955805243445692,28.035580524344567,8.07648339933343,1.7422962546816478,1382,47,278,18,24,453,181,356,0.118,0.6890000000000001,0.193,0.987,0,0,0,0,1,1,35.0,0,0,2,0,22,25,1,4,13,0,30,7,0,4,7,60,60,27,0,11,10,3,2,2,1,3,2,2,0,11,20,16,0,1,11,4,0,3,8,9,1,1,7,4,36,16,44,44,7,30,1,3,0,5,34,11,0,8,18,190,56,2,0.0,0.1108442345471324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141827169865822,0.08292851184660925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556860956609069,0.0,0.0,0.12723760932782716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397122239953875,0.08328142393972747,0.08745881670998168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811230286782632,0.057028642998866313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469393742739792,0.0,0.0,0.1206670500914662,0.09644836288362747,0.08057650021993157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105233799660501,0.08285961249029714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462345470868166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819282771704624,0.0,0.0946057561307879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550515119767897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722783119722701,0.0,0.04887724058171782,0.0897439367517616,0.0,0.07846727091319823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263153276601092,0.08272803234538519,0.0995882140091606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291859034488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764434561394583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424177151134308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321575800806902,0.09140990340959808,0.2812920892382008,0.08260843721287099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33773858626910114,0.0,0.0,0.09484739721637916,0.0,0.10190593274608536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446120266955706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607666903553094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976600099461568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339349213588275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039242287138249,0.0,0.0,0.08168630176205335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715532912092755,0.0,0.0599320296521057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119531466114072,0.07989319400202964,0.0,0.0,0.09366222065350384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780122648700934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176887560935513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994456709867351,0.0,0.07427011438671284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351590333183797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807991915119072,0.0,0.07719048466682013,0.11035919737677387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411479600719014,0.0,0.16883288580572095,0.0,0.107580583212296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645690384739661,0.10228480640772562,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doktaplayer,2019/01/17,"I'm tired of life taking my soul away I need to stop being a fucking coward about this shit. I’ve been trying to push myself to write this for about three weeks but finally I’m doing it. This has been eating me up for over a year now and I've talked about it in certain ways before but not in this manner. 

I'm so tired of life taking things from me, man. I can't really enjoy stuff anymore because there's always that nagging voice in the back of my mind reminding me that it'll soon be taken away from me. My mind has been maced through a lifetime of abuse (Not hardcore physical abuse but I'm heard and seen plenty of shit. It's a multiple times a day ordeal with my mother, constant verbal abuse that even my dad and friends have labeled as abusive when they see it) and nearly a decade of practically have my bedroom be a jail cell, leaving my socially isolated and anxious as fuck. Plenty of people have called me mentally ill online and they're probably right, it's just that there's fuck all I can do about my mental state given how expensive mental care is and even if I could afford it, mom would just find out and it'll all be useless. 

2017 was one of the best fucking years of my life all due to some stupid fantasy I came up with involving a guy who clearly deserved better in an attempt to motivate myself to be a better person....and it worked. I was exercising, walking for quite some time everyday, taking much better care of my appearance, being more sociable, etc. It felt so good to be a functioning human being again.

However, when it all came crashing down, I went back to my old habits and worse. I stopped caring about myself as a person, I felt utterly defeated. The anxiety and depression that comes along with it is nearly paralyzing when you wake up. You’ll go to bed and dream about everything being okay but then you wake up and you realize that it was all bullshit. You can’t even move yourself, you’re so depressed. It takes me hours just to crawl out of bed. I use overeating/drinking, partying and staying up all night playing stupid fucking video games to cope with the mental pain. This all didn’t scare me at first until my friends caught onto my change in behavior. They’d catch me overeating, spacing out and staring into nothingness, being a lot more quiet than usual and sparks of depression. It’s really sad, nothing really fills the hole in your soul that your own idiotic actions took from you, it just feeds on you until you’re nothing but a husk, a has-been with only reminiscing stories nearly a decade old to tell. 

I really don’t see the point in living. I don’t plan on killing myself today or tomorrow or next week but I know that it will eventually happen. I have a bucket list, I plan on completing a satisfactory amount of it and then I’m getting off this hellhole. I had a chance to leave my bullshit life with the abuse and social isolation behind and I fucking blew it. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been so long and yet I still think about him, I’m a goddamn lunatic. Life is swimming through a sea of shit to get to a room-temperature Hot Pocket on a stick on a deserted island, cascading bullfuckery for commercial-length enjoyment. ",4.522830254201974,5.929556886581472,5.3627587164884005,80.85284483956104,70.38977635782747,8.446673149048479,28.305181275177105,8.903607488879933,2.262402667037088,2545,92,478,47,46,830,309,626,0.225,0.6679999999999999,0.107,-0.9984,2,1,1,0,4,1,60.0,0,9,2,12,32,37,14,1,31,1,44,23,5,3,9,79,87,43,1,4,15,3,3,0,2,5,10,3,3,4,38,33,2,2,8,7,1,15,9,22,0,3,20,10,57,15,92,50,17,90,2,6,4,6,32,35,9,7,37,334,95,2,0.0,0.36608100416875217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514178499833681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727250910899476,0.06981002717236227,0.12256678241573442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611565316340468,0.09503208262508712,0.0,0.037669262602068924,0.0,0.05258244103452274,0.0,0.0648493585991448,0.16395624445696413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309894103666841,0.1413525498824596,0.18901037659705236,0.0,0.06537022934965049,0.05323036143959296,0.0647902009702437,0.06677774020784955,0.0,0.04933776074228333,0.0,0.0,0.039852244050439765,0.0,0.15967015100117002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060534938282417274,0.0,0.0632310476919304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689170355741095,0.1224437574246016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553677784186478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186645345452775,0.06769269065353656,0.05647891699542995,0.05256224309558754,0.0,0.0,0.09548432404999817,0.3427672886124696,0.064569995494153,0.0,0.03511915352600255,0.0518301695124625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061186122437884134,0.05464454020118832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060854987866629164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683662933999462,0.0,0.06792111811117557,0.0,0.0,0.13086258987785487,0.0,0.0,0.21823588670225053,0.0,0.0,0.05456554374930543,0.054686055770808366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052535347136095034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24909668507694704,0.0,0.12478935713541475,0.0723727966327791,0.0,0.06567761532849531,0.04542595787717195,0.04581972801391152,0.0,0.0,0.06571899295834385,0.05798981202130332,0.0,0.11858669210386015,0.0,0.12968555215794556,0.0,0.04187345125108852,0.04699738822972927,0.06575354591771129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042840422106638285,0.10791288693745717,0.0,0.0,0.05841563506391945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662476155011035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572589833369118,0.0,0.0,0.1583481734457564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277203781686196,0.0,0.0,0.06186692511269992,0.0,0.09848419385366933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902930388019247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598311708405252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586455579337004,0.04934904825244127,0.10332568822321643,0.0,0.0,0.07073974732586633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584664514915608,0.04966795832440636,0.05401098616472321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105342076961838,0.03959532475026913,0.0,0.0,0.07206556560252686,0.14204703151290335,0.058573818992827036,0.0,0.06865579728164553,0.0419543078039257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337047846566149,0.06805774700133478,0.0,0.0,0.04904947925603687,0.0991354014279888,0.0,0.0,0.05728398214404541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044987023240669055,0.0,0.06297372255184652,0.043896933735522926,0.0,0.0,0.07958707162300123
suicidewatch,xAstonic,2019/01/17,"I’m sorry I’m sorry I don’t like to vent to other people and let my issues on to them but like man my life fuckin sucks and it’s all my fault I’m 16 and I’ve dropped out of school because I’m way too dumb and anti social for it, my moms knows imma disappointment, I’ve lost self care, I get rejected at almost any girl I try and talk with, but I’ve come to the conclusion I’ll be lonely and a virgin forever which is whatever I’m numb to that thought anyway at this point, I lost all friends, I’ve not left my house for months, there isn’t a reason for me to be here, I don’t see how I would be able to function out in the world so why am I here still, I wanna die and be forgotten and trying to od barely works for most people, I’m 6’2 220 pounds so it would be tuff for me and try and hang myself, I’ll probably just spend my Christmas money on a gun and shoot myself or stab my self to death either way idc if I suffer for a bit I just wanna be over with my life and I’ll probably just delete this post here inna bit just felt I needed a few last words to some people before I go <\3",1.7748679417122055,2.5237130532786907,3.769617486338799,92.18020947176686,76.25409836065575,6.733697632058287,19.29326047358834,6.937597516519254,0.009357741347904902,851,14,206,8,18,291,134,244,0.25,0.7,0.05,-0.995,0,3,0,2,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,4,14,15,3,0,7,0,14,5,0,2,2,44,32,19,3,6,10,1,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,4,8,17,0,0,5,0,2,3,4,11,0,0,4,2,25,4,29,19,8,21,0,6,1,2,9,11,3,5,5,120,33,2,0.12399308519395118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416116405769435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431954983595175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558503387202434,0.0,0.10550898297780413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27073667020856657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264192140611713,0.0,0.0,0.1068090637965064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868524644779736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905280649852938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579675004270016,0.0,0.0647812693879752,0.0,0.07046812773749206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307137268353246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294165665276038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681433569232784,0.10107091356969863,0.0,0.0,0.13471884986209884,0.12679133039935825,0.17515996596731778,0.12115351658622313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707061992123822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145219202793773,0.09897009763877676,0.0,0.0,0.09193930156063712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578835792642429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721354361525672,0.0,0.11875110076132088,0.0,0.26737103466442963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274855425985591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548762189116522,0.09880643546072178,0.0,0.2587036594887208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639533553781745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27760021482245223,0.0,0.0,0.09902103800428708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966094510430784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843665948198012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25254949718045905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683987924781296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188447349685947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026844277171378,0.0,0.0,0.17616226037274618,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,georgelopezy,2019/01/17,"Email & social media Retrieval & Phone Accessing (To whom it may concern) 
If you know you feel the urge to access anyone’s social media account or you want to retrieve any of your social media accounts,(Contact John via  tel:- +1 ‭626 461 9216 )‬to get it done in less than 24hrs. This is no joke. Find out if it’s real by giving him a job to do like I did.
Most times we feel the urge to access our spouse social media account , don’t hold back just do it and know what they are up to.
Email hack, house security, erasing of criminal record, upgrade of score etc. also available. 
‭Email:- johnthreatz@gmail.com‬",3.258419540229884,5.925056163793101,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,77.8793103448276,5.59080459770115,21.735632183908052,6.816661863887847,0.6599735632183914,489,14,88,5,12,152,86,116,0.047,0.8640000000000001,0.09,0.4939,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,4,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,17,15,5,0,3,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,9,3,14,12,3,5,0,0,0,0,18,3,0,5,3,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596738627569493,0.0,0.36843984689250137,0.0,0.1156215167696904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888408257446395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307372446094722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399262959867245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896206647003132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193754388770752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539800418012428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883003573282848,0.16310161976381166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618379306074665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872166027786228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688046367838868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306468296459238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352347448912266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932684264054431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914181840323402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028401081721372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BoredCommie,2019/01/17,I don’t feel like I have it in me to live anymore. It’s just not worth it anymore. I’m just a failure. I’ll never be anything. Nobody is there for me in my life even though I’m there for others. I’m not going to graduate from high school. I’m not good enough for anyone. I don’t deserve to be loved. I’m good for nothing. There’s no point in living if I’m just going to be a failure. I’m not made for this world. I can’t handle responsibility. It’s too much for me. ,-1.3124165457184347,0.5953428962264198,1.8390566037735847,96.40035558780843,91.73584905660377,4.016255442670537,16.644412191582006,5.369823440869387,-0.7909222060957912,361,9,89,2,13,128,55,106,0.132,0.785,0.083,-0.5845,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,11,20,2,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,14,16,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,2,56,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127027766132872,0.14548869212755913,0.0,0.17122542332898988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499386683386465,0.0,0.13742951032386122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520739129302298,0.14864658827319244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23650408188620176,0.349041631811404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983935869073548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696731793641232,0.10165340746049306,0.0,0.3674625533754934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877929898432587,0.1968826380308325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295676835700633,0.0,0.16047785635888154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965057471544292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669517558791008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210579844791752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442955964656026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atwoodathome,2019/01/17,I’m done I can never see the future. I’m fucking done. ,-2.9630769230769225,-1.3562515384615388,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,102.84615384615385,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.3058923076923077,42,1,10,0,2,16,9,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8171445601071495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691010167425832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079269013907787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181512701951041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jungwoos,2019/01/17,"the only reason why i haven't killed myself yet is because of my dog I always feel as if im the biggest burden and waste of space, and sometimes it gets to be too much to bare, but he genuinely keeps me going. whether it be greeting me with tail wags and kisses in the morning or letting me hug and cuddle him in the morning, he's one of the only sources of unconditional and unfaltering love that seems to exist in my life. ",11.260344827586202,5.887335034482759,11.046436781609199,67.51724137931036,60.72413793103448,12.979310344827587,42.793103448275865,8.841846274778883,3.91173103448276,336,12,67,3,3,113,62,87,0.039,0.758,0.203,0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,5,0,5,5,0,1,0,14,11,10,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,9,3,12,8,1,7,0,0,0,4,4,5,0,3,1,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189146464171541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037919333449874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302784403758036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745535584755125,0.0,0.1495219477107937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841858394465347,0.0,0.0,0.2338493545369903,0.291073682609089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26903065659382197,0.18583053156991533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374519152807531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340379868194227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782787840771852,0.40018851936317257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705036623835569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395101988907029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602059354287226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740072190035585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm_me_ur_bussy,2019/01/17,"Im not meant for this Everyone my age (18) seems like they are doing fine, most have social life, job, so's, friends, usually talk to someone every day, even through text. I cant relate, i have nothing. No friends, i dont talk to no one, my phone exists to help me distract for a while. The other day i went out, there was a big party on the beach, every teenager and people on their 20s was there, i live in a small-ish city, id bet i was the only fuck who was alone that day, looking at them made me feel dead inside, i had that feeling in the throat like i was choking, i wanted to die.
Now its my last HS year, then ill be on my own and thats what im most anxious about, i literally have no skills and no social skills, working in a mall would be like getting a Pulitzer lol. I get nervous even going to buy ice cream dude, i never went shopping for clothes because i dont know how to, i just ask my mom for shit and thats it, yeayea im a loser. I guess this is it man, most think im a loser, they dont say it but i know it, and to be honest im so fucking depressive i just laugh about it, i hate being self conscius, for fuck sake i hate that little voice inside of my head. Im just rotting away and wasting oxygen, if u want to laugh a lil more ill die a vrgin too:) ",1.3223544800523186,2.3737834460431664,3.2180379332897324,94.49758011772406,77.84892086330936,5.6300850228907775,21.988881621975146,5.565023196281405,-0.02320719424460416,970,26,234,4,22,327,158,278,0.191,0.6729999999999999,0.136,-0.9686,1,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,4,5,14,20,6,2,13,1,21,9,3,2,1,31,44,13,3,4,6,1,2,3,2,1,3,2,0,2,16,7,0,0,7,3,3,3,10,11,0,1,10,6,31,9,26,29,5,25,0,3,2,3,18,11,4,7,14,141,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281236476990956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123753459811256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377634935964823,0.0,0.08419465605914073,0.0,0.0,0.054627442939488194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337951721064904,0.0,0.07718381389708802,0.0,0.18600893847274932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150784010750182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837749418614114,0.0,0.15100615988538335,0.08562935944766742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062236576249044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847004436371393,0.2485381874607276,0.09363851322818624,0.0,0.05092931007413617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871916572898433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694918484179198,0.09196911105644873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060065913741661925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807865249526751,0.0,0.08892738411885752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849826483730256,0.07304680941492821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329653210424684,0.131341612390581,0.08981608040071318,0.07913019586063293,0.0,0.07525261198423873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479428211569644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495402737751444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911531032658254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598638928401102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072429909399513,0.06815496153841626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212658683702067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126410213250417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158059316359534,0.09348622784825897,0.0,0.09198677649331892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269897164034074,0.07592906804134775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405557060935756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057420591592547726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986964021616219,0.0,0.1057125058659957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661448751454259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523955807306146,0.0,0.0,0.06365872536947584,0.0,0.0,0.0577080345284974
suicidewatch,asdfjkl18,2019/01/17,"Unwanted Sexual Advances: I’m the Assaulter. I want to die. I had a beautiful girlfriend who was perfect for me in every way. She was smart, witty, compassionate and charming in a quirky nerdy kind of way. She was  beautiful beyond measure. This is about how I fucked it all up and am now ready to kill myself. Not over her necessarily, but what I did to her.

To give a little background, she has experienced sexual assault by a family member. A family member who she still lives with to this very day. There have been no incidents since then but it has jarred her for sure. 

So what happened. Well, one point in our relationship, I tried to have sex with her while she was sleeping. I couldn’t control myself and wanted to have sex desperately. It appalled and disgusted her. It reminded her of the incident that scarred her. But she was forgiving, and decided to give me another chance when she most certainly shouldn’t have.

A few days ago, I guess you could say I relapsed and lost control again. Only this time I’ve lost complete trust and love from her. I am in shambles and feel myself slowly descending into a hole I cannot seem to climb out of. I hate myself for doing something so fucking terrible, committing such a horrible act. What makes me feel worse is that I didn’t learn the first time. I have become the person that many people despise. I’m a perpetrator. I’ve forced my will on my significant other. I’m a piece of shit.

And so now my mind wanders and lingers over thoughts of suicide. I don’t know why I feel compelled to post this, but I guess I’m just hoping to resonate with you. I am debating on whether to buy a gun or to jump. Perhaps suggestions would be nice too. Either way. Thanks for reading. I think I’ll ponder on more quick and painless deaths. ",3.046386606590687,5.420567906705543,4.116697588126161,84.06066171923314,76.93002915451896,7.422881880024739,26.13737962717555,8.391295532112219,1.9389308066083573,1404,54,267,28,33,455,195,343,0.202,0.642,0.156,-0.9781,0,0,1,1,0,3,43.0,1,2,0,8,17,26,9,0,15,0,30,7,2,5,5,58,57,24,4,8,9,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,17,16,0,2,11,1,1,4,7,12,1,2,12,5,46,14,41,39,6,37,0,2,0,5,30,15,3,6,14,193,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205290262598196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072041783762233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714843176358914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070818937507648,0.0,0.2582488414014935,0.09191932850705202,0.0,0.0,0.14849443742493007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948337288723933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699923809037077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170624760749454,0.0,0.1746346064209662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792674044142764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128656194188879,0.0,0.22088010588059973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25365015222946274,0.0,0.10180618995067472,0.0,0.0,0.11366381426687346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434682284121245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273706728334247,0.11988677644146857,0.06327064173867987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153872315373798,0.10165901462892787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513488580565561,0.0,0.10390637155442536,0.0,0.07684798838004657,0.11672043760238712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624518158242594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801285391483506,0.08755906840254417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981438098843506,0.10052422277899906,0.0,0.0,0.10883197511610412,0.0,0.1102595864304528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151578881220004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360302647211617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155339908377304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480705404118047,0.0,0.0,0.11817593720698052,0.0952340233840652,0.0,0.1152098763428402,0.0,0.0,0.0886301837952426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919403578431756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592996028819856,0.0,0.1085055835654586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599322815967888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376856201631816,0.0,0.091397766374336,0.13426264789897732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816349472078916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499161193108326,0.13580946013604275,0.2741467263007464,0.0,0.0,0.10351275930531602,0.0,0.10388396988881493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732397667562325,0.08178272811294776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whyyyshouldicare,2019/01/17,"I thought I was doing better. I'm not. I hate this. Since I was fairly young, I've been suffering from social anxiety. When I started my first job, I put in the effort. No matter how bad my anxiety was, unless it was intolerable, I would interact as necessary. I thought putting myself would help calm my anxiety. That I would get used to doing things. I really thought that as time passed, I would feel better. Meds don't work for me. I started therapy but it just makes me feel frustrated since it's all things I tried before. My therapist is trying to make me find out why I'm so insecure, why I feel like I don't deserve to exist but I'm been like this as far as I can recall. I don't like living. I hate doing things. I hate interacting with others. It's so unfair that I have to change to fit into a world which I don't want to live in. For a life I give no fucks about. 

Every time I act ""negative"", people call me out for it. They act like I'm a hindrance. But am I not allowed to let my guard down? I've been living every day, giving my best despite the fact that I wan to die. I feel I should get credit for that but of course, I don't. Because I'm supposed to be living for myself, not anyone else. Yet the reason why I haven't killed myself is because I don't want to hurt my friends/family. And I know they care about me but they are never any help when I'm spiraling. In the end, I only have myself and it really, really, really sucks.

I'm sorry. I just really need to rant. Days like this I really wish I could kill myself. I guess I genuinely believe I can't get better. And why would I? After all the times I've been let down. After all the effort I put in only to end up in the same place... 

I guess I'm just tired. I know I'm being irrational and negative. I know I should look on the bright side and tell myself I'm doing the best I can, that bad days pass and all that shit. But it doesn't mean anything to me. I just want to die. ",0.5799701663798054,2.5139674313253018,3.0491135972461265,90.8010140562249,83.12048192771084,6.265633964429146,17.83275960986805,7.447530270364453,0.2720831899024669,1504,33,337,24,42,520,172,415,0.192,0.627,0.181,-0.703,2,0,0,0,0,2,57.0,0,0,3,9,12,28,9,1,12,0,41,4,1,6,6,66,86,22,4,13,14,0,4,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,22,10,0,1,13,0,1,7,17,14,0,1,11,6,68,14,43,63,7,42,0,2,2,1,12,17,3,2,23,224,90,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048064919120727065,0.0,0.16221034157946151,0.0,0.0,0.049421197484077486,0.07242015631700284,0.05816373311829254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802992965711748,0.08617191497972751,0.0,0.06014359354627456,0.07963231432422327,0.14834889322703235,0.18753252097062487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217232574688083,0.0,0.07206311360743632,0.0,0.07477021657193234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056432340724140814,0.0,0.0,0.13674852978979862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670965332661146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059044187732625326,0.0,0.1252032506351062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910213320320122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663094589157717,0.0,0.1429520105196463,0.05049390634388851,0.0,0.0,0.06460036774399149,0.06012049122150812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534265077110725,0.11078236825489264,0.13560566201570987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572428615212364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934601673754244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947508163224788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566455201910882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013913311069905,0.0,0.15639420618803676,0.0,0.11653186996981706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455046433979218,0.04992347334507923,0.17265373176321192,0.0,0.24964743517594096,0.0,0.05935351659322055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435908496426604,0.0,0.0,0.07699139336613768,0.07850970216227053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052408428438311984,0.05451288148208858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751086331536112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900070981567495,0.0,0.07384570309933469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131591889237765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716770464192753,0.0726709559762035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725521483041225,0.11693468486833095,0.0,0.0,0.07204950206306779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912063038344504,0.10005553416823472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061777557964489326,0.0,0.08082890025396378,0.08206509054502463,0.14087023370583185,0.0,0.0,0.16833640901977145,0.12364247458866855,0.08123642379171693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959743513777899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061044947725068625,0.0,0.0,0.1250669340024193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551113320673236,0.0,0.08127867315923826,0.0,0.0,0.05145598392564555,0.0,0.0,0.2510457187394249,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaymylife2019,2019/01/17,"I fucked up so badly. I have already posted here several times. This is a throwaway account. I don't want certain people to know that I post here again. 

I had a huge crush on a girl I got to know some time ago. We reconnected after a break and everything was good. But now I fucked up so badly. She has severe mental health problems as well. She said something that triggered something in me from some years ago and instead of telling her to stop for a moment I tried to play it off; the worst decision I could've made. I got somewhat angry at myself internally and then she basically said, unintentionally that is, ""Why are you even depressed and have suicidal thoughts? Your life is better than mine."". I agree. My life is better that hers. But I am a mess. I'm certain that it wasn't her intention and she didn't really notice how I took it. So that one is on me as well for not telling her. And I made her feel so bad in the end. She sees me as me as a really close friend. I helped her to get through some really hard times and so did she. But I think I ruined everything now. I feel so bad for hurting someone. And then it is someone who doesn't deserve that at all. If I wouldn't have disposed of the drugs I used to kill myself (unsuccessfully that is obviously) once before, I would have taken them in that very moment.

",1.9977614520311129,4.154762318352063,3.4854119850187284,88.3645397579948,79.37453183520599,6.354883318928263,22.628781331028524,7.468242284971852,0.8744872947277447,1037,33,217,15,26,341,142,267,0.233,0.6859999999999999,0.08,-0.9927,0,0,3,0,0,1,32.0,1,2,1,2,16,22,3,0,10,0,23,6,0,6,4,41,44,25,2,5,5,0,3,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,15,10,0,1,7,1,1,1,6,13,2,1,14,6,45,9,29,28,6,32,0,3,1,2,24,12,2,5,16,160,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854318884128443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542167411742865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493252563327966,0.0,0.0,0.08900147739375086,0.0,0.0,0.18500913609824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350950452223475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008634222881448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121295407175856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263891317410956,0.0,0.0,0.06908310768149631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800402493179366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057713663456648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080878085152049,0.19339025530551096,0.0546458559285447,0.0,0.0,0.08772817635356807,0.16730616510489998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369535024874567,0.0,0.0,0.11117814010550864,0.0,0.0,0.07010690698483292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119696466233873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571735729299767,0.0,0.11496384989356442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775515137521475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793804768202747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540578066344712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908054360407655,0.0,0.11138880482195562,0.07087535214417437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251205506338887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034357476680692,0.0,0.0,0.1000819804229301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101607735396015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989849920171342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334758315189622,0.0,0.0,0.2363220661877942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724369044027916,0.16104257623873894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874449599872576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440845749178152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283888954481034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670193762656551,0.0,0.08303566081614923,0.18296816432400284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162073739730059,0.07101221061856032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033531610935704,0.0,0.08630070057055053,0.061692034252203085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188084473237924,0.0,0.09437948464290752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430031544089162,0.0,0.0,0.06735486995781371
suicidewatch,PardonMeepMeep,2019/01/17,"This one is different I’m not on the edge of a cliff. This is not urgent. I am 19 soon to be 20. I am a server. I recently got out of a very serious 3 year relationship. (Been around 3 months) I have a great loving family and two loyal dogs. I have a few “close” friends whom I talk to every couple days or so. They are aware of my woes and troubles and have helped so far. I don’t have an issue with drugs or alcohol. I smoke weed often, but I wouldn’t call it a problem. I’m very into philosophy and art. I’ve always wanted to be a history teacher. I stay up to date as much as possible in the world of politics and foreign affairs. I have not started college yet but planned to. I’m failing to find anything else relevant, so I’ll get to the point. I want to die. This issue hasn’t been spurred by some great loss or failure to find meaning for my life. I must be honest that life is hard. I miss my ex girlfriend. I struggle to find motivation to do the things I want to do with my life. I wish I had closer friends. I wish I had a best friend. I wish I made more money. I don’t have any insurance other than liability on my car. My teeth are rotten and dying but I can’t get them fixed. My allergies are not life threatening but make every moment I’m outside hell. The people in my state and federal government don’t represent my views. I could probably go on all night. We all have problems. After having read through the posts on this sub I don’t really relate. Many people are struggling to find meaning and happiness. I don’t have any happiness inside but for vastly different reasons. I don’t believe this world is good. I don’t feel rightful in my existence. To eat and sleep comfortable every night. To find that my personal problems are relative. I am aware that my comfort is the result of someone else’s discomfort. The wood my house is build of is an testament to the selfishness of humanity. The food I eat is food someone else needs. When I wake up in the morning safe and sound. It is only because other people are or have suffered. The animals in this world are equals but are killed en masse for the luxury of another animal.  We are killing the world that we call home at a rate that as of the current time cannot be undone. I could go on and on. But this world strikes me as inherently evil. Knowing all of this brings me to the conclusion that humanity is in itself unnatural.  My existence is evil. The only rectification is my death. I’m aware that I’m young and don’t know everything. I’m naive and maybe even blinded by heartbreak and youthful curiosity. But I’ve thought for a long time about this but only now can I fully articulate my feelings. I’ve always had issues with suicide. For practically as long as I can remember thinking. Maybe I’m making an excuse to just be okay with dying. I would go to the people around me for help in finding my answers but I don’t believe anyone could and I would then only create unnecessary dramatics for those I do care about. I know my death would hurt the people around me but I’m not naive enough to excuse my existence solely because I’d hurt the people around me if I died. So I’m the interest of not making a rash decision I leave it to random people on the internet to talk me off of this cliff. 24 hours from now I have to come to decision. This guilt and pondering is too much to handle any longer. If you can please find me a reason to continue living that is in itself selfless. 


My mind is racing. Please help me. ",2.119483103879848,4.272636225531919,4.019339799749687,84.71183823529412,78.94326241134752,7.324363788068418,24.55204422194409,8.313332769828598,1.679506049228202,2749,100,551,56,68,930,302,705,0.177,0.6809999999999999,0.142,-0.9881,5,1,3,0,0,2,66.0,3,1,2,6,19,42,5,4,37,1,74,16,4,8,4,111,116,45,9,20,24,1,3,0,4,5,7,1,1,3,29,31,5,1,25,2,1,6,19,24,0,2,8,7,77,18,88,95,11,71,2,8,2,1,27,37,1,9,25,371,106,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948168346323297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926241534548594,0.0,0.0,0.1135484431179947,0.05836247013589355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891750389543476,0.0,0.045801951904007585,0.1981903742446921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785743785308074,0.0,0.0,0.12541545169616372,0.05840984156551982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366647962351575,0.0,0.05674723898461018,0.0,0.0,0.04794460647453472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331561870801434,0.06158473386893516,0.0,0.035894931134250484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105767547116976,0.11630193456786984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454583561716734,0.11390445665120855,0.13948583946155185,0.0,0.0,0.05750979356296373,0.0,0.03676171271570212,0.0,0.14068328881701606,0.0,0.05002199659142925,0.0,0.05246959256961357,0.0,0.0562849112271203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560940717580358,0.0,0.13460422007169515,0.0,0.1290041496221837,0.0,0.05815821911227882,0.0,0.09489550418141042,0.04668345308162993,0.04451494282443478,0.12272671243271435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184983665692389,0.049858810123622296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191954417475576,0.0,0.05582970743861218,0.0,0.054812110351517285,0.06422208394366459,0.11916649728686594,0.0,0.0,0.17427808463726166,0.0,0.0,0.12315509211421448,0.0,0.09176486476180144,0.0,0.0,0.05893399184460017,0.0,0.0,0.15725211587652982,0.0,0.0,0.04914720568069585,0.09851150180715038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023369381417351,0.05266512964313734,0.11145683159082492,0.05642867359008401,0.11183227521756536,0.1212561817105692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619891034233584,0.0,0.044425840049284605,0.0,0.08183035452882897,0.04126984617397706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446289079020354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03771543321647985,0.16932226068480588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27010468959629985,0.0485985888299738,0.0,0.12219196801407653,0.05261498436898583,0.06274625179729691,0.05330516523641299,0.0,0.06000894766804684,0.1597721267529951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567325666046743,0.0,0.03565606477439416,0.11445178815021825,0.05495575267333254,0.059756071677021474,0.06304988474929339,0.047531794215975136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569839044512897,0.0,0.094318015609214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039395156724061776,0.05932423005838056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637205971092875,0.0,0.06088103137962934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947189731032053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03697683145485503,0.035663523824413366,0.0,0.044186389560748905,0.06490948191473216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436996883096427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184767935354966,0.09848593597509203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920125314836532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861395394299995,0.0,0.0,0.03584205260146154
suicidewatch,duuuuubz4334,2019/01/17,"I can’t breathe My girlfriend just posted a picture of her talking to someone else. She told me that if I don’t get my life together, she was gonna keep acting like this. She also posted “if someone gets on my nerves I’ll block them no matter who they are.” I’ve been crying for what feels like hours. I can’t even move. I literally can’t talk or walk or think or breathe or function. Everyone is asleep. Everything hurts so bad. I just want it stop. I want it to stop.",0.2437414965986377,2.5357072857142846,1.9235714285714285,95.81726190476192,88.3877551020408,4.899319727891157,20.41156462585034,6.42735559955562,0.1323034013605433,366,12,82,4,12,119,69,98,0.212,0.6970000000000001,0.091,-0.9241,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,8,4,3,0,0,17,17,8,0,4,8,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,1,16,2,5,13,0,9,0,1,0,0,11,1,0,6,5,48,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282776147472935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956590579106095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992146502901515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596449192950218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262240098844457,0.0,0.0,0.1826104055949262,0.17175415740353608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966291647783132,0.13652648825764524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969046820156666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882013608098865,0.0,0.2045834105684548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986419629918575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498413949216626,0.18672991961979016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311591560351336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660543106751982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32384775504362273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195471038930393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072082559867835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245329858649764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826104055949262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22543907483558015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BinnitTA,2019/01/17,"A burden, a waste, a pos I'm going to end it before I can go inpatient. It would be months for me to just get into recovery, there's no point. I can't do it anymore. I know I should be sticking around for my partner but this shit is just so hard and it just doesn't get better. I've heard all the motivational speeches but that's all they are, motivation for those who know how to and can put things into action. Whereas I just try and fail repeatedly. 
I don't have any purpose besides my partner, and at this point I'm just a huge burden on them.",1.7482758620689651,3.3431910689655204,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,77.9655172413793,6.364137931034484,22.806896551724137,7.1686216300943375,0.6740889655172421,428,13,95,5,10,146,74,116,0.212,0.737,0.051,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,4,9,5,1,0,5,0,13,1,1,3,2,23,22,8,0,2,7,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,10,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,1,3,11,1,11,17,2,15,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,0,3,67,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687540313357307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433635497916687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184514667777648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088110539357652,0.0,0.0,0.2170298394346207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734503360848567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564150417229499,0.0,0.2789245731776475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219823596273189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697227435291297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958700559214571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639507061308028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466873708448023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518920080994424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302795933236108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666054876366722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431988354905373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tastz,2019/01/17,"I can't handle this pain anymore. I'm a huge disappointment.

Last year I failed all my classes. All of them. I also met two girls that I had a huge crush on. They completely ignored me. Everyone thinks that I'm stupid and lazy. My parents are extremely disappointed.
However, I had this semester to prove everyone wrong. Guess what I did? I fucked it up. I will fail again (I have a final tomorrow, and I don't have the will to study anymore) . I have next semester as my last chance, but I will most likely fail again. Then I will be kicked out of my university. I don't know what I can do. If I fail next semester, I will kill myself. I am super confident about that. There will be no hope for me. I can't transfer to another university, they won't take me I already tried. So guys, I don't know what to do. I know I will fail again next semester... Someone help me please ",0.3530803242446581,2.744462293785311,2.544637681159422,90.52560795873251,89.90395480225989,6.694080078604768,21.254974207811347,7.893859768569023,1.2037469417833455,674,24,147,16,23,227,95,177,0.239,0.631,0.13,-0.9557,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,3,6,7,16,3,0,4,0,26,2,0,0,3,16,37,8,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,13,0,1,4,0,35,3,12,23,3,17,0,7,0,1,8,5,1,4,13,102,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690059545997077,0.12247481223749986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059219385642146,0.0,0.0,0.3037693101168885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605759265533181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29268471803861945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776945216717207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158564653522807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168713110624481,0.15164358430035374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265389780215887,0.0,0.0,0.1521135154227324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943890809590528,0.0,0.2525033795986005,0.2496770378189653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482185050632581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886335292253697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296347907227246,0.0,0.17005607917028107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811382528295196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297643589416246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151505042226882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813298714529484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397948683030814,0.0,0.1496062890096885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744659404822734,0.0,0.09862423311048296
suicidewatch,20x110mm,2019/01/17,"Tried to stay for my family Just gonna poorly spew out my life’s story here I guess. Im 18, Male. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 13, which I guess is when everything started going downhill, had a good childhood, loving Mom, Dad, and brother even though my Dad had some anger issues and struggles with depression . Our family fought a lot which I regret, Middle school was a rough time I had been an overweight kid since around the 4th grade which certainly didn’t give me confidence or a great feeling. Around the start of 7th grade my Mom started walking with a walker and her MS started to progress what seemed like faster and faster, I was too young at the time to understand why she tried so hard to do things like go grocery shopping or run inside stores when I could just go for her, I get it now that she knew things would get worse and wanted to do what she could for as long as possible. In the 7th grade I started not going to school a lot saying I didn’t feel well when in reality I couldn’t find the motivation to get up and get outside, I was always a good student who loved school but then I changed into the kid who never turned in his homework and slept in class. 

    Fast forward to highschool we lost the house and moved into an apartment my Mom had to stop driving but still kept her job my older brother drove her each morning (she worked alone in an office for our church) eventually the church’s new pastor would basically force her out of her job and treat her like crap. Weirdly enough things were looking up for me personally I got really invested in a club at school and met a group of friends, Thinking back I think between that and home it kept me busy enough that I didn’t have time to sit around and get brought down by my suicidal thoughts and problems

     Going into my sophomore year of highschool I realized I was pretty overweight 6’3 280lbs and decided to work on it, I started working out and saw a lot of improvement by winter I was 6’3 220lbs and felt great. Sometime near the end of the year I started having trouble finding the drive to get up and go to school again, Ill never know what caused me to get back to that state of mind but it ruined everything, One night my parents tried to talk to me about it and it ended in an argument (Ive always blamed myself for the rest of what happened because I stormed off) as almost all of our conversations did, I went to my room and minutes later my mom got up to go the bathroom and fell, she cut her foot open and we had to call an ambulance because we had no way to get her into the car. This is where everything got bad she got stitches for the cut and antibiotics we would later find out that the doctor prescribed way to much antibiotics and she got an infection (MS patients or at least in my moms case have a weak immune system, the problem with MS is that signals from the brain have a hard time getting where they’re supposed to go In my moms case this meant she had trouble walking, getting an infection made this even worse) she was home and realized she couldn’t move at all legs, arms anything, the doctors weren’t sure what was wrong (we were unaware she had an infection at this point) so they gave her steroids to try and increase her function which only made the infection stronger. She was hospitalized for awhile but never regained her previous movement ability in her legs

     This all progressed somewhere into the summer between my sophomore and junior year. She was sent to rehab to try and regain movement with a walker, she spent months there made some progress but caught another infection (C-dif) that went unnoticed it progressed to septic shock and we were told she had a 50/50 chance, my Moms a fighter so of course she made it through and went back to rehab but had no luck regaining movement, our insurance said she couldn’t be in rehab anymore and either had to pay out of pocket or move to a nursing facility or go home at this point none of us knew what to do, she ended up going to a nursing facility which was horrible, And we took her home she was bedridden ever since and life’s changed my dad takes care of personal stuff and its safe to say he hates his life, it’s probably safe to say my mom also hates her life.

   This paragraph also takes place during the same time period, my sophomore year/summer I met a girl named Lindsay online one night and it was one of the best friendships Ive ever had, I miss it deeply and wish I had my friend, Lindsay was someone I could talk to about anything and everything and vice versa We talked almost every afternoon and night whenever I wasn’t visiting my mom, Ill never know why our friendship ended we slowly stopped talking time between talking got longer and longer and soon we just didn’t talk, Im always gonna miss her.

    Junior year, I finished sophomore year somehow only failing half a semester of english I was still in good standing despite missing almost half a year things were still gonna be okay. Around a month in I lost control and didn’t get out of bed one day and that was the end I spent the rest of my junior year sitting in bed listening to a playlist Lindsay made me and wondering how my life got to this point. My sleep schedule flopped often somedays I was up all night and asleep all day and somedays the opposite, nothing mattered and my suicidal thoughts were more prevalent than they ever were I spent a lot of time planning my suicide and gathering what I needed. The thought of my Mom dealing with my death always held me back and somewhere along the line I realized I had to fight to stay alive

    Welcome back to the present, My senior(current year) things started off as well as they could I still felt like shit but realized graduating was still possible and even this year, I set out great started working out again and got up every day for 3 months and worked my ass off, I still had a lot of suicidal thoughts and it took everything to get up and go but the more I did it the better I felt, I was doing great and then it happened again I felt myself slipping I knew what was gonna happen, I started not getting up somedays and I haven’t shown up since a week before winter break, in the last week I went and got my license something Ive been avoiding for a long time but decided to do it because my Grandmas old car was given to us and was just sitting around, there was no excuse anymore and I actually did it I actually passed and thats when I realized this great event happened but I wasn’t even happy I had/have so much going for me right now but I still cant even find the drive to get up and fix my fucking life. Today I got a letter from the school basically saying show up or dropout. Im tired, really fucking tired I cant do any of this anymore and I don’t wanna put all this stress on my family so Im driving to the sunshine skyway and jumping I hope don’t suffer but I truly hope my mom can forgive me I know what Im doing to you but Im so tired.

     If your here reading this you probably have your own problems, I hope you never stop fighting and push through seriously give it your everything I wish I would’ve done the same.",5.58729403409091,6.090724618607954,5.659801136363638,82.98235795454545,67.37357954545455,8.473863636363637,31.48295454545455,8.332234228083545,2.2290139204545456,5685,218,1112,73,88,1791,484,1408,0.132,0.747,0.121,-0.9627,5,2,1,0,4,1,78.0,17,6,3,18,63,71,12,3,71,1,95,40,11,9,16,237,230,104,6,23,27,17,9,4,2,7,25,6,8,6,62,99,2,10,36,4,8,45,27,36,2,6,114,18,174,35,160,100,30,228,3,10,3,5,126,70,5,27,107,744,236,32,0.0,0.0,0.05453663696010934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394257687938851,0.02894050099202912,0.0,0.044691983370453006,0.09300319411009876,0.0,0.0,0.01900218517939274,0.02930065180805484,0.0,0.0,0.08313578548219154,0.0,0.0,0.04598938467627467,0.12437588603451626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074321372578638,0.02333122182544223,0.051101345294937234,0.0,0.02377741860024484,0.0,0.029324434450597167,0.02471329579404524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031193607920232656,0.028532907654020806,0.0,0.02848973127225369,0.028705138574856626,0.05911993725130255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03134042905615481,0.08924078585075867,0.0,0.0,0.05406273293727226,0.02880798627773552,0.02406724845547153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057201649878117836,0.0,0.028595370998888144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374593555720008,0.057745137682415335,0.0,0.09228037655384257,0.07582807781705045,0.047086333063483074,0.0,0.15068009645134267,0.0,0.07902646643363549,0.0,0.028257621414465493,0.0,0.10731857461823847,0.0,0.10215751304562913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317735536864162,0.05166567104570581,0.20438675861599506,0.05361090683465785,0.19056767951699707,0.07031173975797457,0.2234855442062696,0.15403617513811652,0.06156468743781456,0.0,0.09883954270806933,0.029745822705790074,0.050062844550430016,0.05517581706002269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211635247071428,0.08326105479358785,0.0,0.032242448197265204,0.0,0.0,0.1810992861050276,0.029165212186535974,0.05545819362949215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046070194498933015,0.02277725888762904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842172245236347,0.05460611594310122,0.0,0.0,0.04945731746478427,0.0234650662891925,0.0,0.0610061289066559,0.11878061531452855,0.05043926235659152,0.13220162053684198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02821444500376206,0.3599912958863944,0.06691146215368271,0.08909689936073148,0.04108261216148047,0.020719366231416486,0.10775674728413727,0.026987505022629227,0.0,0.10489037844970063,0.0,0.026812043745939648,0.0,0.029321457880196567,0.0,0.07573954795901494,0.042503792181227136,0.0,0.0,0.03102737339815084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879746612349529,0.029194467621415362,0.0,0.07924544660081659,0.06300302478261388,0.0,0.02842805720104258,0.06025451893640295,0.08021297665642811,0.0,0.028090413651066,0.0,0.0,0.027950542611211063,0.0,0.03580197809884824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023863152962709664,0.026580173660633998,0.08888551966431317,0.0,0.1696787305105487,0.0,0.02543824029518535,0.0,0.0,0.028683068284685517,0.09245889003498847,0.0,0.027963160930334158,0.0,0.023675996990509738,0.021511871824046826,0.027636322554639502,0.0,0.1977818566293984,0.0595669992950663,0.15620710418067396,0.07008474956769675,0.03200859014703904,0.029212070649482683,0.03198802776650022,0.1528254285687516,0.0,0.026335928753640228,0.0,0.04201928809525412,0.13475705724542852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928203741977592,0.03580946767312167,0.027453836804722125,0.11091802764344652,0.1303502147319235,0.09634903770405934,0.02648667855288474,0.02670071566634053,0.06209135974602072,0.09485724883735557,0.030393939129059182,0.0,0.02908962852049227,0.06722393085309326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016481494079313683,0.04435967511014202,0.04482834747647037,0.0,0.050248191191247286,0.10361369276360992,0.05042838791768997,0.0,0.06426609788431581,0.0,0.03030297075728858,0.10171411426773068,0.0,0.056952569430843036,0.07939956747245455,0.030551262990020082,0.0,0.1799436351676159
suicidewatch,disasterbisexual,2019/01/17,"Should I seek hospitalization? I started writing a suicide note because, while I do not have plans to go through with anything (as I am afraid of death), I cannot help but to fear that I will, someday (perhaps even someday soon, as I feel more hopeless and alone by the minute), do something impulsive. It is a matter of ""just in case."" I also deny myself food because I hate myself so much that I feel that I deserve pain. I cannot help but to think that somehow this will finally allow me to be beautiful, too. I loathe myself, and looking at myself in a mirror makes me hate myself even more. Sometimes I also punch or hit myself, screaming at myself, calling myself ""stupid fucking whore"" and ""pathetic bitch."" These aren't things I would call anyone else, either, as I view them as demeaning towards women and I am big on equality. It feels good to do this, not sexually, but because I feel like I deserve it. I sometimes do this until my glasses cut into the bridge of my nose and I bleed. I feel like I am less than human and deserve to be mistreated.

My therapist is aware of all of this, but the note is a recent development. Should I seek hospitalization?",6.345981372887206,6.442020748878927,6.8686098654708525,76.37093135563991,65.72645739910314,9.014004829251467,33.74577440496723,8.617729084823388,2.7521813728872027,909,37,166,12,13,298,123,223,0.252,0.672,0.076,-0.9938,0,1,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,1,1,9,15,6,2,7,0,21,6,1,2,1,32,35,20,2,3,9,0,5,2,0,5,2,1,0,2,13,8,1,0,6,0,0,1,5,12,0,0,0,9,38,3,27,27,7,15,0,1,2,2,8,8,2,2,8,136,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735096320882873,0.0,0.22754985475762776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994799431827014,0.14577455428956154,0.11707779577307333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601832101161566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905513921218229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188500631293427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879387281405697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600956389330931,0.359685180861133,0.20327839833427855,0.0,0.15585210451017914,0.0,0.0,0.17203595843225242,0.0,0.0,0.13152824126147708,0.0,0.0,0.08085649917001228,0.11933106687959058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809284397622459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072394648696184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390138993019691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947271128526195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496771515948324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458634553002694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138751926308033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047651072881426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109527994507462,0.2814214411213959,0.0,0.100700907311864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562255890877527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651888452790428,0.0945192451727822,0.09116220128813904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106600045255702,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brandan209,2019/01/17,Help Me Please! I'm in highschool and my girlfriend is a senior while I am a junior. She is graduating soon and is contemplating suicide. Worse part about it is that she isn't acting sad. She seems to be to terms with it and it scares me. She's getting to comfortable and I can't stand it. I can't bring this to the schools attention as that'll just make things worse please help me.,1.083445850914206,3.4547552911392434,2.1725738396624514,95.12049226441636,84.69620253164557,5.536427566807316,20.17018284106892,6.937597516519254,0.23530267229254603,304,9,68,4,9,96,50,79,0.15,0.665,0.185,0.2607,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,1,0,9,15,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,11,1,8,13,2,8,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,47,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613951029906018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236567811184835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611593382207859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261449929944975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300449443961694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417179551493467,0.2443445045688376,0.0,0.21979281209828533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640900495904904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039828878259266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920845642690564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ellerby4,2019/01/17,Thinking of suicide tonight Death sounds way better than crying myself to sleep again after a day of trying and failing to shake my depression and moments of happiness that always end with me crying and being alone because no one cares. Nothingness has to be better than this.,12.543673469387755,10.110864693877552,10.581326530612245,62.83688775510206,55.122448979591844,12.248979591836735,42.867346938775505,10.125756701596842,4.652828571428572,226,9,32,3,2,69,40,49,0.3670000000000001,0.467,0.166,-0.9337,0,2,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,3,1,7,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,3,4,10,3,0,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24167562006883106,0.0,0.0,0.19416219341823554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224528356652452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127503588562832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791134343916995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126382668703009,0.15048857779886018,0.0,0.20098018328807404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066748997539528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484006807228148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581209860687049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335140728484393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552421619916699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495184085897481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584263136087748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521883901125588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peachgumm,2019/01/17,i don’t wanna hurt people god i want to die so badly but i don’t wanna hurt my loved ones and my friends i don’t wanna hurt them but i’m just so sad and unhappy and i feel like i have no future and i don’t wanna do this anymore there’s no point. i wish i wasn’t so scared to do something,-2.6213043478260865,-0.915388420289851,0.7821594202898545,101.74454347826088,99.86956521739133,3.3397101449275364,12.697101449275362,4.935628992294339,-1.4850881159420286,225,4,59,1,10,80,37,69,0.382,0.408,0.21,-0.9487,0,0,1,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,13,9,1,6,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,1,12,3,6,12,0,2,0,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857419307393508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402194509910785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873686232304555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143913712426373,0.15745136658215764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027785725538686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7078173177629806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767464028822267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891652562538364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934643201097025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527952436761228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834601423555948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065543319244404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696720611291327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999561794519282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534451994216829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lifeisbeautiful17,2019/01/17,It’s over. It’s over for me I don’t think I’m going to make it to my birthday at the end of the month.,-3.3233333333333306,-2.1020433333333317,0.5940740740740758,106.83333333333336,93.44444444444444,3.6,12.703703703703706,3.1291,-1.917607407407408,78,1,25,0,3,29,20,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5492149468797507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524109617272569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139143318834911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949492545204258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973280980366985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zxccvbnvc,2019/01/17,"My life is falling apart. I’m about to lose everyone I’ve ever known. I’m about to lose everyone I’ve ever known because of my stupid brain. I’m switching schools because of my stupid brain. I’m about to lose the last year I have with everyone I’ve ever known or cared about. I hate myself I want to die I can’t do this I want to die, I don’t want to be here or deal with this just let me die oh my god, fucking kill me ",-0.4676842105263148,1.3238115473684218,1.778157894736843,99.23460526315789,86.15789473684212,5.063157894736842,18.973684210526315,6.2581,-0.303757894736842,327,9,83,3,10,110,45,95,0.336,0.583,0.08,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,3,9,9,5,0,1,0,7,4,2,0,3,14,17,2,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,13,1,14,15,0,7,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,5,44,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644752987316669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30120017104757474,0.0,0.0,0.13754599907528506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908250716907464,0.0,0.0,0.4200344287937167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366091509310316,0.0,0.3867263517429525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247187324086416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319207559018212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925387110597896,0.0,0.0,0.10996666833942803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795086722676236,0.09528833372318636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527770418595321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365324128359955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871375420101676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687525635060309
suicidewatch,Spicy_Vanilla,2019/01/17,"Problem. I really do not want to talk about it. Everyone I talk to tells me it’ll get better. It doesn’t. I’m exhausted. Nothing I do is good enough. No benefits or pay off for hard work in the future. Why try? I am not a person who wants to keep repeating myself that I’m done. No one seems to understand. I do NOT want to talk about it anymore. The thing is I’ve tried twice. I cannot die. Everyone says it’ll get better. It does for a while. Then I realize, I’m still barely hanging on, I can’t succeed. I can’t thrive. I’m barely surviving: this is not living, BUT... I can’t give up. If I try or ask for help I’ll get hospitalized. That just brings on more bills I can’t pay, 

I want to run away. But I have 4 kids that need a mom. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to be murdered. That way my kids don’t think their mom gave up. Or that I gave up on them",-1.536476683937824,0.3825126165803141,1.4218362694300524,98.61888911917102,93.81865284974094,5.160538860103627,16.010155440414508,6.742157984588678,-0.3528170362694301,657,16,168,10,25,229,98,193,0.154,0.74,0.106,-0.3982,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,5,5,8,1,0,5,0,21,1,0,0,0,24,44,8,2,9,11,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,14,0,0,1,4,0,3,3,14,3,0,2,3,2,22,5,22,37,2,18,0,0,0,0,18,9,0,5,5,103,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25170458609396873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863587056204387,0.0,0.11922823558911355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244683147977397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170383119287146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105245003280828,0.12986440158829812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112328128304984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242519844356867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989025534033126,0.1217355832690464,0.0,0.10643904577721748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367891239463855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850594711074746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279597762808825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120564424855794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297251252939444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940959324163451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176551290630602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859918120370612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080558698467953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142769790150296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129641790038432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091725004651764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552645543651195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013437859727762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059961103434898,0.11091759650674736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430778779448321,0.08131342465789776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584735800151943,0.0,0.0,0.13210904661410075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490991285214041,0.10072858755799856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450896056302268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238588009909868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JulianWilliams101,2019/01/17,"Going back home sucks. A lot. My parents took me back home and I was alone in my room while my parents work abroad. I eventually dropped out few months later and went back to the place where I grew up. Still 3 months later, I'll be going back home again and I don't know what to do when I get back. I'll be seperated from my friends again and this probably be the last time I'll see them. I've been through tough shit andholy ducking shit this life is a fucking hell and in fact i'd rather be in fucking hell ill never see her again not just years but probably most likely never ever again holy fuck i j
",1.1078437310720801,3.208443527559055,2.1570078740157466,96.99797092671108,82.22834645669292,5.167534827377348,20.005451241671715,6.297961479604792,-0.1110334342822532,476,13,109,4,13,150,79,127,0.174,0.809,0.016,-0.9496,2,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,15,11,8,0,4,0,9,7,2,0,4,17,21,8,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,9,0,0,4,2,13,2,9,13,3,36,2,0,2,3,5,8,8,2,23,66,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907895768491326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791633808594728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273485153293365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628872748454437,0.3456549163665874,0.0651139625448799,0.0,0.1416600530819048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37504176034323067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849331654511158,0.10158997720683363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802976208332411,0.06088785860253724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595585765564183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895674449104334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224447602733544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767734407249536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021168679063802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687441555437789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862773911549067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558615387074413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952957422231526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267267874973657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846836997505274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553313699972932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073202882796612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025754936262991
suicidewatch,hafamusic,2019/01/17,"Anyone else feel like they're living soley for their parents/siblings? If it wasn't for them, I really wouldn't see the point in trying ",4.508888888888889,5.962494148148147,4.971296296296298,83.46583333333334,70.48148148148148,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.6373851851851846,110,2,20,1,2,35,25,27,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.3612,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759393901937348,0.4043522777505951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296686034909247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995403420893853,0.2819287762001551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279972110251936,0.0,0.3484717314269513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37305955543397373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528145894708522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31447462255713804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26793264167626546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,casiapeony,2019/01/17,"Alive only because of pain While I was watching a show, one of the characters took a gun and shot themselves in the head. I thought that must be one of the faster ways to kill youself. The only reason I’m still alive is because I don’t want to deal with the pain of dying. I have no reason to live, nothing motivates me in life. ",3.1710294117647067,4.24603875,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,73.26470588235293,6.616470588235294,26.835294117647056,6.742157984588678,1.0398023529411766,257,9,55,2,5,83,47,68,0.214,0.6990000000000001,0.087,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,7,0,6,4,1,3,1,8,10,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,1,5,0,10,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,35,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463557695195908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083217257823681,0.0,0.0,0.20971316205362606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073785620117881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235566833052477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272557011076262,0.0,0.0,0.17842845321422254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388829094324164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27385102847318304,0.3073614120099608,0.4300260818567184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155161060411317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137059657522815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041825843910054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450335635680652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918407822653262,0.16039101075995704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Th424,2019/01/17,I think about it all the time I've been going to the 9th floor of the library every night and wishing that the windows opened. Someone else did it that way at my school decades ago before they fixed it. I wish I had an easy way out but that wouldn't be one anyway. I  don't want to be here much longer.,2.170923076923078,3.2716334769230784,2.732307692307696,98.62769230769231,75.76923076923076,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.5712461538461535,236,5,57,0,5,73,50,65,0.022,0.8909999999999999,0.087,0.4436,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,12,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,6,0,6,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232118849782456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142693762647544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103526000287083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215842194078868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310783168134478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510726145597214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23630399439533745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063107199098432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254842324441927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335541897514845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134788287349364,0.0,0.0,0.14683080024453568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485224075690631,0.39974566108111537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5791316938206323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gofigure429,2019/01/17,"I just took the pills. I fought hard but im done. Very tired. Goodbye everyone Mad e new account to post this, pathetix i know hahahaajahahahahaha.

Just took the pills getting drwody, its over for me. Im soory mom and dad and my sis and everyone wjo cared for me. Anxiety consumed to hell camt function without falling to floor crying. Had sone good days butti camt take the stress anymore .

If you eber find this im really sorry im soory i didnt live longer please forgive me im sorry i didnt love you more im sorry that i couldnt see more im sorry thay i couldnt overcome im dying hesrts stopping brain already dead im sorry im sorry im sorry dont cry i dont want more crying

Please dont cry im already crying im sorry i wish i had more time to explain i love you please be good i love you so much. 
Too drowsy. Plesse be good i love you.d
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suicidewatch,moritzbaker,2019/01/17,"Nothing matters ...When you know that people only give a marginal shit about you. When you know that you only have a specific value to contribute to peoples lives. When you know that the world is a cruel and terrible place and that as much as people claim that theres more to life out there, that's the easy answer that they give so you feel like you have something to live for. I'm not stupid, nor am I under the impression that life is fair and rewards those that wait. I am just so fucking tired of endlessly waiting for things to get better. There is nothing for me to look forward to after I graduate. How do people continually live with the idea that things are going to get better when in reality they are simply just going through the unpredictable, unknown motions of life? How does one expect to just get up and at 'em every day with no promise of a better tomorrow? How can people simply survive on the mantra that ""it gets better"" when that is in no way guaranteed in this life? I am so tired of the fake amalgamations that I call a life. I'm sorry for this rant but I truly am beginning to just now see that everyone is truly in it with themselves in this world. ",5.8495465838509295,6.1988453956521745,6.31105590062112,79.07652173913044,66.78260869565217,9.180124223602485,29.472049689440993,9.04235418022936,2.309074534161491,931,30,177,15,14,302,117,230,0.085,0.79,0.126,0.8721,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,7,2,6,20,14,4,0,12,0,15,9,1,3,0,27,35,19,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,22,8,0,2,6,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,0,3,16,8,36,35,2,29,0,0,2,1,12,14,2,0,13,132,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881526678293339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120360910088001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076013587526485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601645735180704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244358759959166,0.10484188455895677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547758193576787,0.07838378253700955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143410362336014,0.2292960792295001,0.21050628663656806,0.12471247903525802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386019712912134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089724910837213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874913788133281,0.05360350800574877,0.0,0.29065354148602496,0.0,0.09213692253803772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065661114552156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105580412397064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434891486519958,0.1668935667817943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803291585516089,0.0,0.11463374399297994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874324031769883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262570529862592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446759295170972,0.0,0.12282223213094093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578579957133234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522133317714678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709039853252265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buttertoasters,2019/01/17,I just want to die. Seriously I don't care anymore. I just want to die. I don't want to live pass today. I don't want to open my eyes and find myself living this nightmare. I can't do it. It is too difficult to think positive. I cannot find a way out. I cannot change. I cannot i cannot i cannot i simply cannot. ,-3.1346396396396368,-1.6084117162162137,0.6879729729729753,101.1136711711712,105.35135135135135,4.088288288288289,12.923423423423426,5.985473137389443,-1.0554198198198192,239,5,65,3,12,87,36,74,0.227,0.636,0.13699999999999998,-0.8329,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,12,1,1,0,0,12,18,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,0,1,14,1,6,18,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142995848035013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203144246751038,0.0,0.22859069532596926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485270098515552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949979994161383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816163935964533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384594012652026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482458367785095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098132869236971,0.1715192784247761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deya7,2019/01/17,"I'm so tired of myself I just want to stop existing!

I always hated myself but it's getting worse. It disgust me the way I talk, my voice, the way I act, the way I look, my thoughts, how I don't have motivation for nothing. I feel anxious all the time and today I have this knot in my stomach.. I feel I can't talk to people, I don't have anything interesting to say and constantly mess up and shallow letter or words.. Since little I remember my friends running away from me because I'm annoying. I feel I always talk to much and should just be quite. I feel I don't bring anything new to the world. Nobody takes me serious even when I know I'm right. I'm just a fucking clown, I don't know how to live. Sincerely, life is boring, life is pain. I don't want to keep being like this, I don't want to live anymore. I'm not going to kill myself because that would break my parents. But I'm just so tired of everything...",1.622221883572081,3.284533575129533,3.572362084730265,89.67135019811035,78.53367875647669,6.4064614446815025,24.306309052118262,7.285733465282438,0.962486376104846,712,25,156,9,17,241,101,193,0.206,0.682,0.112,-0.964,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,2,10,13,5,0,6,0,16,7,1,3,1,32,40,12,1,5,8,1,4,1,1,2,5,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,9,0,0,4,8,9,0,0,1,7,31,4,16,35,2,20,0,0,1,1,7,6,1,1,7,94,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077070339304243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100194472604313,0.12377988792901035,0.0,0.0,0.20541915306878855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726490858362433,0.0,0.0,0.15216837747888806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487734663774734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243709686482703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217290691187927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524346302764304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642938075829606,0.1153866100149704,0.06520907743774577,0.0,0.07093349114551377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322593235516185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109385703797669,0.13808589845270886,0.0,0.13718673562462896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631670222991822,0.0609768002353525,0.12509433437356066,0.22042242627093664,0.0,0.1048105791751454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175112317189237,0.0,0.0,0.12054413130793905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976040464780535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280868411838975,0.0,0.13858886806731452,0.0,0.0,0.08652887091715712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275284166607002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138757616082442,0.10658869879769503,0.0,0.09925544937189516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324571103940942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434835488359637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938430317543849,0.3009572835585123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908672385578404,0.0727788349992321,0.28690588583254883,0.1183071074822557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085191477855096,0.297209680745074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719401074755626,0.08866280783614162,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowGuyNeedsHelp,2019/01/17,"How to write a letter so my mom doesn’t think it’s her fault I am on my way out but my family has been through so much the past five years. 

What to say in my letter?",-2.842307692307692,-1.205486128205127,-0.04474358974358772,106.96057692307691,102.58974358974359,3.6256410256410256,9.064102564102564,5.46131890053228,-1.9779435897435893,127,1,36,1,6,43,33,39,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,6,0,6,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914467378097097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.486318380896624,0.0,0.0,0.3052456076500273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963889287995783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302116520071345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26606591315424594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295943288837147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673978180530299
suicidewatch,tab1031,2019/01/17,why can’t I get rid of the problem all of my problems in life come from one person. why can’t I get rid of that person. why does someone who treats me so bad have so much of my heart. why can’t I let the problem go.. ,-0.8870000000000005,0.643976300000002,1.5259999999999998,101.933,86.0,4.0,18.0,3.1291,-1.043,165,4,44,0,5,56,31,50,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.9116,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,5,9,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,6,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622831959933222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086113876468474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325962821027442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299900257737145,0.0,0.09953183390266776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20753285202411648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908484364191413,0.1237012618243608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287425362047131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867431234551153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058378821876725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027344420402047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838919627371308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321193532407128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovedbysatan,2019/01/17,"I’m just,,,, To say I’m just so tired of it all is so cliche, but so true. I’m exhausted of forcing my way through every day, smiling when i want to scream and living when i want to die. What’s the point? 

Nothing i do brings me any kind of positivity, no one really cares. I try so hard every day, and it’s never enough. I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never like myself. So, I’m done. 

I give up. I just don’t want to put on a fake smile and be nice anymore. I can’t. 

What do i do?",-1.7418671328671316,-0.000880627272723089,1.548181818181817,99.03381118881121,91.63636363636364,4.475524475524477,14.825174825174825,5.873414542411696,-0.9609580419580419,361,7,96,3,13,129,64,110,0.228,0.5539999999999999,0.218,-0.3325,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,5,15,19,11,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,1,3,11,6,10,16,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,8,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813529071315015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228317153853154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771187184217711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240695517207585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029352658049946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777754734054218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35899758701335965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927325248415747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666476777411952,0.0,0.1457077653339855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561864698871694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809022393048694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487062567743593,0.0,0.15339759678064335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019498140830714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668864936519387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771690245293605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422118094139562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463618797484914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128922939347008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814880507954075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966513450331969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117944210751121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073929776073797,0.13789053905128265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blancscreens,2019/01/17,"Just when things start to look up... ..bad and depressing thoughts come to my head and take over. Persistent thoughts of guilt and hopelessness along with the realisation that I have no friends or fun things to do. I stay awake all night and sleep in heavily until it goes dark. Repeat.  Is it just me or does anyone else get that feeling of dread and paranoia? Like everyone’s out to get to you? Even at Christmas I felt so cold and lonely in spite of being around people That I love. Maybe I don’t deserve love. 

My Doctor tells me it’s a phase and I’m not considering Therapy because it costs an arm and a leg.  It Doesn’t matter anyway because where my countries going, suicide will continue to skyrocket and the mental health department is fucked. I write on here, get replies, feel embarrassed and ashamed for posting and then immediately delete the post and account. I’ve Done this way too many times on here it’s truly embarrassing. Sinking to a new low and bumbling through life wasting it on being nothing.",4.488435863874344,6.625389607329848,4.634211387434559,83.09958933246077,71.77486910994764,7.706937172774869,29.738547120418854,8.472884824447931,2.2800075916230367,809,34,150,14,16,252,130,191,0.203,0.693,0.104,-0.9667,0,2,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,1,11,17,2,5,7,0,10,10,4,0,1,31,27,19,1,0,5,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,13,18,0,0,5,0,2,3,4,12,0,0,4,5,12,5,25,20,1,28,0,4,1,3,6,12,1,2,10,96,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103510214108812,0.1516803774044878,0.0,0.13178342660087808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360387760730016,0.18048274472895312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751990710596373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127503190989793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152112014040434,0.12954730232384884,0.15149222631913814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366508351105812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777638268972677,0.0,0.0,0.14145474317383386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497029004704006,0.0,0.14213777638123362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437224737567565,0.13685689777010654,0.2320281021365309,0.0,0.08413227102277156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192764570855538,0.15735534689328878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456220565415504,0.07232291264190137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431295726200398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721654174699305,0.0,0.0,0.15008527013653192,0.14872206068441715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918547085887812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297409251434404,0.0,0.13892175897473005,0.0,0.14204453578855314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262952382200773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835551366064851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814291111737551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478064364853028,0.1577866805559368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192735819344187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130464966065336,0.0,0.12938999007630375,0.0,0.16929206893789156,0.0,0.1966970826927306,0.0,0.0,0.2350480984812091,0.0863209828248278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750408731347407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,astrodonut_,2019/01/17,"please help I’m 19. 20 next month. I’ve always been suicidal, but today was different. I make no difference in the world. I’m never gonna get a good job. Never gonna have a good life. All I bring people is pain. I’m rly useless. What’s the point? Maybe tonight’s the night I should go. I’m feeling really impulsive. Idk. ",-1.5677036199095014,0.07343510294117728,1.2000000000000028,95.77576923076927,109.73529411764706,5.033484162895928,15.524886877828054,6.67199483983844,0.06458461538461524,249,7,56,5,13,85,50,68,0.308,0.618,0.07400000000000001,-0.9564,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,1,3,7,16,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,3,2,1,11,1,12,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721692226524405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43236268123699945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462205646778328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810414996441764,0.0,0.11759413053520107,0.3470996938919598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386902530384008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533045511522705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614964639924186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811686144873156,0.0,0.20787316454174698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515697173296448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191700344141343,0.0,0.22005564088734195,0.194174996828892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201713391547055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344828059882234,0.0,0.0,0.2271296995724576,0.19560083673193013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255456003804245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263305942551576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613050501026028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eeeeeeeeeeeeor,2019/01/17,"I have enough. I have enough being compared at, gossip at, stabbed at, living in toxic ''fake/stuck up'' environment and trying meeting their expectations. 

It is like the longer that I am here, the harder it is for me to leave. I've been trying my best to fend for myself and to remove myself from their sphere of influence as far as possible. But now its hard thanks my own current state of mind and their influenced ''mentality''. Made a stupid choice to come back and now I'm back to the same rut as I was before. Now jobless, no money, no career prospects, ugly, fat, a failure in my own right and fill in the blank of whatever that fills lack.

I wish I have something this thing called ''privilege'', but I know it will never be attained since it is something that a few others can be born with. I wish I have a safety net so that I can feel secure. I f\*cking hate this thing called ''life'' where its like being in a video game - like Pac Man. 

I guess I have a few weeks to go until I can end my life in a meaningful way. Best yet, turning 25 is a perfect age to end my life. 

Done with plans to end my life in a nearby country (border town) where no knows where I will be, where I know the place to my knowledge. The rest, well, .. no fucks given. ",5.509611428571431,5.026858544000003,5.8646857142857165,84.82120000000002,67.56,8.582857142857144,27.457142857142852,7.7094869923839395,1.3710342857142859,956,24,205,9,14,307,138,250,0.114,0.726,0.16,0.9552,2,0,2,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,3,5,13,14,3,0,15,0,23,6,1,3,2,28,39,12,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,2,5,0,0,1,15,8,1,1,6,2,1,5,5,4,1,0,5,2,29,10,31,27,11,40,0,0,0,1,9,18,1,1,18,149,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838480424302095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423567059966532,0.0,0.25710546138784385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501656562032817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552006167373816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535665549853406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254871555313805,0.2531436759974688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193801285178083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324622657682873,0.0,0.0,0.06961769835432484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494392701387092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973298366768754,0.12094013208138367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196295060405955,0.0,0.0,0.1297063196759118,0.0,0.0,0.3460921714819076,0.17953710229861608,0.0,0.10816683159707274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590934072951314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344786349925342,0.0,0.12368674854949276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447700781686247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798298088957022,0.0,0.0,0.13809662538294776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461151370169423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133053726024008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860789080026352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127785047162522,0.0,0.0,0.16276273068121325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663344387384301,0.13324123533116708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723217983472192,0.09825946499164102,0.0,0.11013924583861102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817303224718605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bumbblebee888,2019/01/17,Hi. I hate my life. This post does not matter and just keep moving along folks. Death is the only solution to life.,-0.3293478260869556,1.8060490000000016,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,102.47826086956522,4.039130434782609,10.097826086956523,5.985473137389443,-1.2096869565217387,89,1,19,1,4,28,22,23,0.299,0.621,0.079,-0.7487,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272368577591382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691877054841605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323744885950829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282488636173077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974383657361901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28439773701389026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581305447511714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopeless_anon,2019/01/17,"I plan/ned on slitting my wrist but I just fucked up my arm... so far Honestly I'm not sure if I will go through with it. I just hate my life and I need to get over myself because going to the hospital is expensive and I don't want to hurt my parents anymore than I already have.


The past 2 years have been hell. I would do anything to forget the abuse, the gaslighting, and the despair I felt in this stupid residential facility. I'm so angry and it keeps coming back up.


I've already been hospitalized a couple months ago and it was expensive. I don't want to burden my family anymore than I already have. I'm such a little shit and I was screaming like a piece of shit would and my mom called me out, slapped me, and threw me on the floor. I know she loves me but I was being a little asshole.


I feel like shit. I've totally relapsed and I am so ashamed. I've been cutting like hell and sometimes I have no reason other than I want to see myself bleed. My ED is in full charge and everybody knows it, and I just can't take this anymore. 


I think I'll see how deep I get before I fall asleep. Who knew crying hysterically makes you so tired.",1.8892717086834736,3.6256422689075656,3.5552100840336145,89.75939775910366,77.99159663865547,6.382072829131652,23.938375350140056,7.2636822038024595,0.869933333333333,892,30,195,11,21,297,129,238,0.311,0.598,0.091,-0.9968,1,1,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,10,20,9,1,10,0,21,11,6,3,2,41,48,20,0,7,7,2,2,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,8,15,0,1,7,0,2,5,5,14,0,0,9,5,37,6,20,35,3,24,2,2,2,2,7,14,6,1,8,126,45,0,0.0,0.13778006298294626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030806485514534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849739479036097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459738174451776,0.0,0.0,0.0956935866192893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941686525920732,0.0,0.07088695281552675,0.0,0.09895094193680097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874115252073852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100170214627844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866840429124107,0.12773486657669542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109624225447034,0.0,0.05879776738729089,0.08307484305792483,0.11165293239275577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075046644406734,0.1215094192908731,0.0,0.13217618859267244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480849040033385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448672006531047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336046600777617,0.0,0.0,0.12781564496195585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213634106268597,0.1704346053788318,0.23309852743770265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495278324138108,0.0,0.07762190274118658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619292403546418,0.09281848908537303,0.0,0.0,0.08622470081386786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912199911979735,0.0,0.11100828056091012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195615213740176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853299990639268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580981609641161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500996783657072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959831261608642,0.0,0.08743270677197039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451146434529961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365381381115465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576573821059416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652126776851433,0.0,0.0,0.07488446283729182
suicidewatch,synx419,2019/01/17,"Truly stuck Suboxone has made my life absolutely impossible. I have no option but to take it. No doctor will help me get off. Yet its simultaneously killing me. The side effects are literally unbearable. And it would be one thing if i was just addicted to a regular opiate i would have options as far as detoxing. But being on suboxone for 5 years and no way of getting off it aboslutely hopeless, all i want is to be sober anr happy and its made it so I dont have that possible. Its truly the most devastating thing as I dont want to die. But I cant put up with this much longer.",2.285361305361306,4.384083410256412,4.594079254079253,81.06986013986017,78.14529914529913,8.015229215229214,26.02097902097902,8.841846274778883,2.118784615384616,457,18,93,11,11,159,80,117,0.18600000000000005,0.6579999999999999,0.156,-0.735,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,16,4,0,3,1,20,24,11,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,4,0,10,1,14,14,3,10,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,4,2,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037351990763975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002797592348436,0.0,0.0,0.19752023562658694,0.0,0.0,0.4523354402609275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164513639431728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542770784665554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934848014482214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135005655785496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363054304199076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651991898036892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186037031417026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076627501996851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755268120352086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939952828293985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450947604329682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564108164230122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276457830122541,0.15317623702714075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741707854445604,0.0,0.0,0.1242709232812135
suicidewatch,Pinkiepumkin,2019/01/17,"Last night I got my heart broken so badly..and..that was the last straw. I am ready to let go. What can I do for my mom to make it easier for her? So.. idk how to begin..
I don’t think I am strong enough to deal with this. Last 2 months have been the hardest of my life and i went through so much emotional pain. I kept telling myself it was going to get better but deep down I knew it was a lie.. and the day that I finally had to face truth came and I am not strong enough to deal with it. 
6 months ago this person saved me and made my life seem not so bad. I couldn’t see the point getting up, I had nothing to look forward to.. but he changed that and I loved him.. I loved him like I have never loved anyone before. I traveled half the world for him, put his happiness before mine and gave all the love someone as broken as me could give.. only to realize he would just stop loving me.. for no reason. Its so cruel to let people love you. All you are doing is promising you’ll one day break their hearts. 

So here I am. Tired of feeling like this. Angry because I cant change it or make it better. The day exhausts me, I struggle to get out of bed. Depression isn’t a war you win, its a battle you fight every day .. and I am tired of fighting. 
I know this would hurt my mom but I cant deal with this anymore. Not after losing him. 
I have only 1 friend, no goals in life, failed university due to depression, haven’t left the house in months. 
So now that you have an idea of what my life is like I need an advice on how do I make this loss easier for my mom. 
Sorry if my thoughts are messy or unclear.",1.173421309872925,2.7188413812316767,2.719246334310853,95.81220283479959,79.46920821114371,5.6023851417399815,18.698044965786906,6.2581,-0.3034376148582596,1225,25,291,9,30,401,173,341,0.202,0.574,0.224,0.914,0,0,0,0,3,0,48.0,0,6,1,9,12,34,5,1,13,0,35,17,3,7,4,50,66,24,1,6,10,3,1,3,1,3,8,0,1,1,19,12,0,2,9,1,0,7,12,15,0,2,14,3,52,19,36,45,5,37,0,6,2,6,34,11,0,5,23,192,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764533108204489,0.06935330513559854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775911161709668,0.05470585928724775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653254984926894,0.04769318526642783,0.0,0.1331496253862305,0.0,0.0,0.13839038342885324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948347915172432,0.0,0.0,0.16553095250186942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246671161498048,0.0,0.0,0.20182826288467115,0.24197996293251886,0.13477262480841265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800726862110672,0.0,0.16168162699988667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591892620494022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395595056900254,0.055893274059217055,0.0,0.08570595263908318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060446518492587566,0.0,0.1226284460471192,0.07505306065454573,0.08892896647378322,0.0,0.06257411073630223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328585235994447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542491699599434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902761980006652,0.08375544394940251,0.08832122818132565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299758272148,0.19132334374904145,0.0,0.0,0.08500586341248237,0.16000740096649246,0.2210473761852068,0.11466946860159995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570025196168426,0.0875283583951085,0.0,0.0,0.4236773343933646,0.07403072867528124,0.15667350511463274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27489435361554376,0.18734658016484712,0.0,0.05751396431163259,0.058012518060409066,0.06034200253165351,0.0,0.0,0.07342110403152517,0.0,0.07507151303157711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301612323447002,0.11900711556565507,0.08325079469980742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054240408420196964,0.06831444198565953,0.0,0.0,0.07396024007665418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865084342135399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044173946179266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062345591323307026,0.07122497657828099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629084054354477,0.0,0.0,0.08758108449050822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541050780936128,0.0,0.08179139058633275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683834986840208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013177929570732,0.0,0.06211226743155539,0.0,0.1798462439272417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252745035270873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115612298507876,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PuertoRico51st,2019/01/18,"9 Year-old son So, about a year ago my son said he wanted to kill him himself. We got him to see a counselor and we do family counseling as well. There is depression and suicide in my wife’s family and there is depression in my family. He has signs of anxiety and depression but he seems to be thinking about it more seriously. He gets caught in this negative thought cycle and he can’t seem to get out of it. 

He expects himself to be amazing at everything, the first time. He plays football and he loves it and he is good at it. (The coaching staff doesn’t yell, there isn’t any Friday night yikes going on here.) 

I just don’t know how to help him. 

Anyone had suicidal thoughts as that young of age? 

How did you get through it?

What can I do as a parent to help?

I just don’t know what to do. My heart sinks and I just want to keep him happy and safe. Please, if you have any ideas let me know. ",0.9709456797072916,3.0144808877005365,2.6355868280326504,93.69660005629049,82.36898395721927,6.5036870250492544,21.072051787222065,7.669130373188453,0.688460962566845,694,21,159,12,19,228,107,187,0.131,0.691,0.17800000000000002,0.906,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,2,2,0,1,13,12,1,0,5,0,19,2,1,2,0,34,39,17,3,4,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,12,0,2,9,2,0,2,6,5,1,1,7,3,19,7,25,29,1,16,0,3,1,1,27,7,0,3,7,102,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697047810156007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946835972535294,0.0,0.1009455006073281,0.0,0.0,0.09226626623309253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34095891309044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859298241265324,0.0,0.3731873511346464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224117446557487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682371135647973,0.0,0.07499328045850209,0.11067790787103957,0.10553676764639557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046895026259046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636775457605856,0.17689381256755815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896155657884902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172880001787606,0.1459890714921223,0.0,0.21755766931263304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493331106747636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909487771321026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383118042493507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846496865585936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465208279411719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484737616554638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125519778990004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515134946133176,0.240254434791388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28867552579481226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455167610016122,0.0,0.20951565619651388,0.07694424025096996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566139790308414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864372922276813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994987019477828
suicidewatch,PA1244,2019/01/18,"I can’t watch aparent die of cancer again. Title basically says it all. I’m 29 and lost my father to lung cancer/dementia 7 months ago. It was a slow, painful death and absolutely wrecked me. I endured watching his decline over the course of nearly a year. At the time I was finishing PA school and it took everything I had to power through and graduate. My mom held me together through all of this and is my rock.

Yesterday, she brought to my attention a neck mass she’s apparently had for a month. I’m a newly-graduated PA, and while I don’t have any definitive answers yet, my education has taught me a neck mass in a 66 y/o female is cancer until proven otherwise. I examined the mass and it doesn’t look good. Got her in to her PCP who agreed it was concerning and bounced her to an ENT. We are waiting for the appointment. 

I honestly cannot do this again. I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but my medical education and subsequent intuition tell me this isn’t good. My mother is the most health-conscious person I know and other than age has no risk factors for anything. This isn’t fair for her. To top it off, the state I live in has a saturated market and I am struggling to find employment. My finances are drained. I feel like a failure. Everything is snowballing. 

If my mom has cancer (which I suspect she does) I honestly will not be able to take it. I can’t even afford to get psychological help for my tremendous anxiety and detesioj at this point in time because not only is it expensive, it’s a risk for me as a medical provider to have any indication of mental health issues. It compromises my ability to hold a license. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I have to hold on for my mom and my older brother, but everything seems to be spiraling out of control and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on. 


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suicidewatch,temp826496295,2019/01/18,Be careful what you say on here - your reddit account is being tracked and you can be contacted Even if it’s just hypothetical questions/scenarios you talk about. Take my advice. Especially if you’re using a certain WiFi service. ,5.062317073170732,7.987078097560975,5.963597560975611,70.56295731707318,72.90243902439025,8.002439024390245,34.640243902439025,8.841846274778883,3.656848780487805,186,10,28,4,4,61,36,41,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,21,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361249140420992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550385616927664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947808065878305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549203275809247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33556645788442163,0.3587237387448271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854649601007372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jungkoook,2019/01/18,"Just want someone to say goodbye to I don’t have much to say, I just want to say goodbye to anyone who can see this. I hope happiness is in store for every person here. Good luck everyone.. I hope you find your way out of whatever is hurting you.",2.584411764705884,3.899243470588239,4.190343137254903,87.72904411764708,75.07843137254902,7.452941176470588,26.47549019607843,8.07648339933343,1.5464078431372543,191,7,41,3,4,64,36,51,0.045,0.638,0.317,0.9343,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,5,9,10,1,3,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,3,0,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540239887964594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725524829121898,0.21236944210172007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313251452796047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641279297775595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365893053888733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414888843249351,0.0,0.0,0.23792326961951102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337935532966766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406016651621444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5302264682130181,0.0,0.0,0.1771045108776937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831174171166606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26217766942022674,0.17641174065664214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iBelieveDoU,2019/01/18,Why cant i recieve physician assisted suicide ? My entire life ive wanted to die literally since i was like 6 or 5. I have no passions no hobbies no interests never have. I go to a job i hate and come home to literally just stare at all and talk to myself about how much i want to die. Ive been to therapy for years ive taken meds i dont get what people like about life. I seriously want to die and dont understand why i cant just recieve an assisted suicide. I dont want to have to jump off a buliding or shot nyself in the face in order to do this tho. So please help me understand why ,1.314744318181816,2.7872536562500017,4.2513068181818205,85.30846590909094,78.84375,7.779545454545455,24.91761363636364,8.575989854853784,1.6735687499999998,460,17,103,10,11,166,73,128,0.233,0.627,0.14,-0.9519,1,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,14,5,1,1,2,17,25,8,5,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,9,2,0,0,3,1,16,4,17,22,2,10,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,2,4,66,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225842497914428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057521685183593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581992870491915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808638715810574,0.0,0.07406338703718474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866319947958052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735019207436841,0.0,0.13072075223797822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932166680860052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409656633967025,0.1273347267472154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475521857744295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579958404466676,0.0,0.10051017717423176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034690317837717,0.0,0.0,0.14305131362010334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780136340610297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850960387969009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474561176435007,0.0,0.0,0.1490313273568848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27133370208527746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074624896833221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527783409367103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392127225398738
suicidewatch,Basic_Solution,2019/01/18,"I'm so sorry to everyone. I'm sorry mom.  I couldn't be the son you deserved. I'm sorry dad, I was just a disappointment. I'm soory to my family, I know there were only a could of us to carry on the name, and I couldn't. I'm sorry to the people I could have helped. To the girl that killed herself becuase she was trans. Or because she was fat. Or the boy who killed himself because he was gay. I liked you. I would have loved you, I promise. We could have been happy. I'm sorry for the little boy or girls we couldn't adopt. i'm sorry we couldn't be a family. I known it wouldn't have been much, but maybe we'd have gotten thought together. I'm sorry i couldn't fix any of it. ",-1.0081419992935352,1.0255309127516803,1.7234546096785586,96.67392087601557,92.2214765100671,4.4791239844577895,15.224655598728368,6.05967700443912,-0.6782966442953025,522,11,124,5,19,180,72,149,0.14,0.797,0.063,-0.6402,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,5,3,0,0,3,7,2,0,9,0,25,3,1,0,0,23,37,6,2,10,5,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,9,0,23,4,9,15,1,2,0,1,0,2,24,2,0,3,1,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210119329692573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292647114023813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25395896931789336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131221452956046,0.0,0.0,0.19990341384820512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286645680161672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106687213546703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346037213244836,0.0,0.05826901778989129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051798860021078114,0.10626572549947036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569244196375036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651718690565004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417615880813128,0.0,0.0,0.07794117709709099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063741372319776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350495360727663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8308105742372806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417265778366087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753600669765025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531770041153092,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6___7___k,2019/01/18,Does anyone want to talk to me I’m really hurt right now Please i have nobody else to talk to,-1.33285714285714,0.6919166666666712,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,96.61904761904762,4.704761904761905,7.0,6.42735559955562,-1.5860285714285711,74,0,18,1,3,25,16,21,0.159,0.687,0.155,-0.2716,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161090997635465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023860192825398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28865589368793515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699097188444289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793012093350859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213629702322145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29509086924451344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554669329394822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380954779584676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Woken12245,2019/01/18,"What's wrong with me? I'm just a big mess and a fuck up. I was raised in a Muslim household with very strict parents. As a kid, I rarely hung out with friends because my parents didn't approve that much of it so I took an interest to playing video games most my childhood. My parents didn't like that I played games a lot either so they liked to take my stuff away or block the internet at a certain time and I had just had enough of it and would find ways to bypass these things. I would do it out of spite too cause I was just so angry. I would also move around a lot, like every 3 years. At age 13 I moved and met the best friends of my life, and my mom had told me since I hung out so much with them, we had to move for my own good, even though I had decent marks (A- / B+). 3 years later, we had moved and I was 16 and depressed. I couldn't make any friends and everyday consisted of me going home and crying myself to sleep, ignoring all academics and causing me to do pretty shitty that year. However, towards the end of the year, I made some friends and I met a girl that I fell in love with. Of course, no way my parents would ever condone this as they are Muslim. So we'd hang out at hers or out. This was the age where everyone in the grade was trying weed/alcohol and I joined in too. I've never really had a sense of religion or god because of how forced it was on me and I didn't like that. I'd never tell my parents that though because it would break their heart. Anyway, one time my mom went through my phone because she doesn't really believe kids should have privacy and saw photos of me drinking. I got the punishment of a lifetime, mom drove me home from school during lunch and mornings and afternoons. I would have to sit beside her and do homework, never allowed to talk to my friends again, and they made me transfer schools the next year. It was even more of a mess from there. I sat alone all year and made 0 friends that year. Even more depressed than before, and my parents saw that. We made another move the year after back to where I had made my best friends ever but I had gotten into weed. I wasn't addicted or anything but it was just a social thing that all my friends and I do. A few months in and my mom catches me again by invading my privacy. I've told her I don't want to stop because it's something that helps me relax but she isn't taking any of it and they've beaten me, taken away my friends again, and are tempted on telling the school about this. I feel like there's something seriously wrong with me and this is just my shitty but ""you should be grateful"" life that I'm complaining about. I feel like I genuinely hate my parents for all the pain they've caused and I don't think I've ever loved them and nothing feels right. I've considered suicide so many times and here I am again. ",2.9310806697108083,4.23056965753425,3.6555799086758007,91.96871993911722,74.17123287671231,6.6979604261796055,24.964079147640792,7.123485893559443,0.8403810197869106,2216,70,489,22,45,702,250,584,0.13,0.768,0.101,-0.9367,9,1,4,0,0,1,54.0,4,1,6,4,37,40,5,0,26,0,46,11,2,11,11,102,79,48,1,10,14,11,3,6,9,8,4,0,3,3,29,44,2,3,5,7,0,12,13,15,0,1,39,5,80,25,63,29,18,74,0,2,2,3,54,25,1,8,39,336,109,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056012435750512346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491023329632536,0.0,0.0532148038263276,0.0,0.041089045561498484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988113694862724,0.0538770368342489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228185414474202,0.04573962543271374,0.0,0.0,0.09654752610860913,0.03950850823484301,0.0,0.15660567785151594,0.0,0.043721104436201634,0.05788833898638005,0.10784153508858244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583460823801147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056439174124394725,0.0,0.0,0.08850806733098003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050333425124690176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045507959152438125,0.05308989250981448,0.0,0.1018092009537407,0.13943007713215555,0.043290369741085334,0.0490963631416818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779387223073769,0.0734126187838898,0.0,0.0,0.046960935624489865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35726870220443946,0.04750053480432235,0.0,0.0,0.029200777841661363,0.043095607765958006,0.04109375783173981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072770304866416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608862558759723,0.034439331702578804,0.0,0.1030778579834486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258327157517645,0.15061178874012088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736389386035909,0.09274599123871267,0.24308782022565106,0.03429694806191575,0.052091861746800916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407053409973314,0.04101150302847974,0.2730472209356497,0.07554130273862276,0.0,0.1188836537957903,0.0,0.0546438487457685,0.0,0.0,0.04930106940844132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03481682286394934,0.0,0.05467257874603782,0.0,0.3993645142350845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227253970253518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583145335491675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387874985087492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599972440190424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04250256151895089,0.0,0.05141770433350843,0.05237604902759982,0.0,0.07911058895414745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042956480498724886,0.0,0.0,0.058818491872489186,0.05620203467245061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726363042321728,0.041297778313649766,0.08981781447764005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826997231845443,0.032922612464021166,0.10096235308750738,0.0,0.08988131944730518,0.0,0.0,0.0981927262833636,0.05708573478227754,0.03488405324963312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239437426268314,0.030305607855130774,0.08156705405466189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763032899512957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899581531634466,0.11235323584123433,0.0,0.2646993636462148
suicidewatch,Strawberry-Cindy,2019/01/18,"just a real quick thing this is nothing compared to most content on here, but I need to vent. this will be very quick.

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EVERY SECOND I EXIST I WANNA DIE. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I THINK AND WHAT I THINK I UNDERSTAND IS GIBBERISH

BLUE AND BLACK AND WHITE AND WHITE AND BLACK AND GRAY AND GRAY AND GRAY AND GRAY AND GRAY.

WHAT AM I DOING AND WHY AM I DOING THIS?

gray.

I DON'T WANT TO DIE I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO DIE 

we're always dying, aren't we?

TEARS ARE JUST DROPS OF SALTWATER YET I'M DROWNING IN THEM

i won't stand for it i won't I won't I WON'T!

help...me? ",-0.8637649219467392,1.2762464297520708,1.1721625344352624,98.63177915518827,97.09917355371901,4.011202938475666,14.160238751147842,5.82211442006289,-0.8761684113865931,442,9,101,4,18,145,66,121,0.187,0.789,0.024,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,17,0,0,0,1,26,25,12,5,4,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,11,17,0,9,19,1,8,0,0,11,0,2,2,0,1,4,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891466303750274,0.18088880848903768,0.2028609010939589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6930654247965442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066145047539014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119021708444842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379031950152355,0.12876110230169274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019174644280545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900241301816073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109132745650208,0.2139479265400366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475988954982804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775013268426872,0.19694129590190915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150645202718897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028609010939589,0.0
suicidewatch,metalixia,2019/01/18,Trying again Last night i took 5 oxy to try to kill myself. I got really stoned and just swallowed them and fell asleep. This morning i woke up completely fine just really nauseous and groggy. I’m planning on taking 9 oxy and downing some vodka tonight to try and finish it. Will it kill me or will i have a tolerance from last night keeping me from dying. This is prolly my last chance at suicide for a while so i’m really hoping it’s gonna work.,3.4441758241758222,4.861131659340664,4.781098901098903,83.93890109890113,73.06593406593407,7.837362637362638,23.98901098901099,8.418075326091056,1.4843142857142857,355,10,70,6,7,118,63,91,0.145,0.754,0.101,-0.8047,1,0,1,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,1,2,4,4,2,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,11,13,8,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,10,7,1,15,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,9,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028824648927292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883574066436228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515370104371855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802599850326855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613161715451201,0.4015823965732632,0.0,0.0,0.4438144004677243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34063112873640666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488003873488244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985200129979988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645748775184746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164146862343305,0.3696582914604693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212648886782555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,besseo8,2019/01/18,"i think its time. everything is finally coming into place, not in a good way. every action ive taken to make myself better has made things worse, going homeschooled was nice at first but now im in a giant hole of lonliness, i let my bestfriend back in my life, and she wants me to get better but i think shes tired of me coming to her and not a doctor, everyone is really. still havent found another job, parents are back at their nagging and yelling at me. no one talks to me, they act friendly but have no real want to talk to me. im just a burden, i think its about time.",1.5300454545454514,3.3404748833333366,3.5128787878787904,89.30727272727276,79.33333333333334,6.363636363636362,20.075757575757574,7.348242739294969,0.5166666666666662,446,11,95,6,11,151,79,120,0.16,0.736,0.104,-0.7994,2,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,2,3,6,7,1,0,4,0,10,3,0,2,0,21,23,6,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,5,5,2,0,2,4,1,18,5,16,18,0,23,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,8,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774294473072856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313485966221757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26609292367226844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25917077846908265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539753578579084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674695571045,0.1437459324528952,0.13520018986978588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479286312242272,0.0,0.12795890439917287,0.0,0.1649428853731854,0.11622477250936646,0.0,0.07859544602639823,0.0,0.08549498925381438,0.1261767252508077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249886142008005,0.0,0.14928232364711647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382874184413167,0.10625583429618228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234408885008504,0.1004157225499884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193782894229753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703892046997784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717129170423366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122658646449,0.09637173755542283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013661852369463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418259631491389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994152521165148,0.2891756939573541,0.0,0.0,0.17543830469023816,0.17290151119018488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745949316515233,0.11940733989488575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330488329841116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mental-health--,2019/01/18,"A deep, horrid part of me wants my mom to die sooner so I can, too. She's the only thing keeping me alive right now. Not my sister, not my friends, not my pets. Just my mom. If she weren't here I'd be in a grave right now. I'm going on my fourth year of therapy and I only feel like I'm getting worse. The call is so strong. When my mom dies, I've already decided the room I'll hang myself in to make the smallest mess. She still has a good 30 years, but a twisted part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe she'll get in a car accident or get cancer and I can finally be free of this emptiness. I'm so tired of waiting to get better. I'm so tired of being afraid, of crying, of breaking down any time I have to go into a crowd, of being so goddamn sensitive all the fucking time. I'm so sick of it. I just want peace.",0.19211764705882212,1.7883252444444473,2.5027450980392167,95.97794117647058,82.66666666666667,5.34640522875817,19.47712418300653,6.2272716619740125,-0.1755915032679738,624,16,152,5,17,213,105,180,0.238,0.638,0.124,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,15,11,1,1,11,0,11,5,0,1,1,21,30,12,3,4,9,4,1,1,1,1,4,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,1,4,4,4,0,0,1,1,20,8,20,24,3,24,0,1,0,1,11,10,1,3,10,91,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165775953064155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729493738673769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353144854627978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107852405419582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100669755760198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664523364537144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649069375123502,0.09170643524084783,0.0,0.14062134537196855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991771340466156,0.11867454917421258,0.26826883521361017,0.0,0.14590947913201865,0.10766935244165664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749882002767748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409976273800206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271433294623717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568692681179807,0.0,0.2579266926484176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510306769864631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952599578485798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780210102557414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925188330329232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251519759499964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680049224645195,0.0,0.0852822838774787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970533291233187,0.2950812633475267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143005713404528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081840155601926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533012615974296
suicidewatch,MutedCondition4,2019/01/18,"My note.  

To my family: I am so sorry for the grief and guilt I’m leaving you with.  I know every single person in this family is going to feel guilty, because of me, and I hate that so much.  This isn’t your fault.  I wish I could take that away, you don’t deserve it.  I pushed you all away.  I couldn’t say goodbye, because I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t want to risk you feeling any worse, in case you’re not ready to forgive me.  I know you would, especially if you knew what was coming, but I’m leaving regardless.

Please have a group hug for me, because I would have really loved to hug you all one last time.  I’m so sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but this will have to do.

My motive is pretty self evident, but if you need me to clarify: my entire life slipped away.  The loss of \[ex-wife\], onset mental illness, and severe depression.  There is no hope for me now, I’ve lost too much.  My entire world is razed.  I have no purpose, and nothing I’m looking forward to.  I’ve lost all passion and will to live.  I can’t go on, and I don’t want to.  I don’t want what’s left, and I don’t want to rebuild.  I’m not interested in the unknown opportunities, the past is going to haunt me always.  Please try to appreciate every moment and every thing, because it will all end at some point in time.

I want you to remember the happy memories we’ve shared, and not any sad ones.  It’s okay to remember the happy times with \[ex-wife\] too.  She was so great, and good to me.  But I gave too much of my life to her, I trusted her forever, and I didn’t realize what I had until she was gone - my biggest regret.  I tried to convince myself I didn’t love her, but I did, so much, and I still do.  I’m sorry I lost her to you as well.  And I’m sorry for any embarrassment you feel as a result of this.

I’m sorry about the loose ends, but at least I was able to leave you some money.  Trust me, I know you would still want me here instead, but I’m happy I can leave you with something.  Please have 15% go to Mom and Dad, and 42.5% each to \[brothers\].  I just decided to split it this way based on need.  I love you all equally, truly.  More than you know.  I’m sorry I didn’t say and show it more.  Any related expenses to come off the top.  I hope this makes your lives a little easier in time.  I don’t know how much it will be, but don’t feel guilty to do whatever you want with it.  I wanted you to have this, and I want you to enjoy your lives.

My passing was peaceful and painless.  I drank pentobarbital.  I didn’t do it because it was easy.  I did it because my life is too hard, my reality too harsh, my future too grim, and my past too good.  Please have me cremated, and I do not want my ashes in an urn or my name engraved anywhere.  Sprinkle some in an herb plant if you wish, like \[aunt\].  Feel free to have a celebration of life at home with the extended family when you are okay to do so.  I know it’s going to be sad, but I hope there are laughs and love too.

I love you all, I’m sorry that I let you down.  I did this for me, I’m not staying here for anyone else.  Please don’t think of me as selfish, I just know my life is over.  You couldn’t have saved me, I did this to myself, and I’m going on my terms now.  I feel terrible about the pain I’m leaving you with, but I don’t want to suffer anymore.  Every single day has been a struggle.  I’m sorry for making your lives harder, I really hate that part because I love you all so much.  And you’re allowed to feel whatever emotions you want towards me, even anger.  I understand.  But know I’ve already accepted your eventual forgiveness into my heart.  I hope this can bring you all closer.  Life is short, and I don’t want you to spend more time than you have to dwelling in sadness.  I want you to be strong for each other.  One of us had to die first, I’m sorry it was me.

Please know I’m at peace with my end.  If there is an afterlife, I’ll be seeing you in time.  I hope there is, but I’m okay if there isn’t too.  I’ve had my fun here, now it’s time for me to go.

Love,

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suicidewatch,FairhandsIsaac,2019/01/18,"June 19th, 2019 That's my birthday. I have also set that day as my deadline. I cant seem to feel happy any more. I dont think I have experienced anything particularly traumatic. Just small little things have piled up, I guess. Always been a sensitive person. 

For now, i have set that day as the deadline on my calendar. If I can't figure something out by then, I will probably take some sleeping pills and walk into the woods. I want to be happy. At the moment, I feel pretty worthless. A drain on my family and society. I can tell my family doesnt expect much from me. Or expect things I dont think I can accomplish.

Unemployed, cant seem to even get a call for interviews. Feel like a waste of space. I am not sure exactly what is wrong with me. I was once diagnosed with major depressive disorder by a physician, but went to a therapist who said it was just stress from college. Maybe I am just overly dramatic. I cant seem to understand myself anymore. 

Recent college graduate. Was a very average student. I dont think I enjoyed my major very much. Dont hate it, but nothing I love. Then again, I feel that way about everything. I seem to not be able to be passionate about anything. Curious about everything, but get bored and discouraged when things get even remotely difficult. 

I just seem to have absolutely no motivation for anything. When I try to picture a future, I just see a void. I am afraid of being alone, dying alone. But I feel like I dont have the energy to make new relationships or maintain old ones. 

Strangely, I am afraid of dying. The process itself. Dying can't feel all the pleasant right? But I am not living the way I am right now. I wish I could just turn into dust, and float around in space like a nebulous cloud. 

Regardless, hopefully I will figure something out in this half a year. Maybe I will change my mind or get scared. We will see. ",2.231941391941394,4.742375527472532,3.837362637362638,84.17430402930405,80.81318681318682,7.579487179487178,24.16849816849817,8.5409612609427,1.9368794871794872,1468,54,282,35,39,487,183,364,0.145,0.738,0.117,-0.7468,2,2,2,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,0,2,18,22,1,4,18,0,39,6,1,2,3,63,71,20,3,8,18,0,6,3,0,4,3,1,0,1,13,12,0,1,18,0,0,2,15,11,0,2,6,10,46,11,39,56,7,40,0,3,2,2,9,18,0,12,19,195,59,8,0.07526113179839318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589566994673382,0.0,0.06018629990807702,0.06262329069982793,0.0,0.0,0.051180150437085216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463881947461692,0.0,0.0,0.1858004964181655,0.06699836358710544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685003026514622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961629817275043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008988968698566,0.0,0.0,0.097074407623751,0.0,0.0648223025367393,0.07638846454099046,0.2343275178192481,0.0,0.08625577735963395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410274297602759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994185354963995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527970478920606,0.0,0.14189899398064856,0.0,0.22832573748753915,0.10753313518931452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572833403039949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290862169095475,0.0,0.0,0.16023374854889744,0.0,0.07430478629067068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747512855259664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030636223026287,0.07543142587073927,0.06645695822583475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792610983881751,0.0,0.05023738988769353,0.0,0.15121984535029154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599228857938943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065118305726304,0.0,0.0,0.0726876700726846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221508576450754,0.0,0.07897389753735028,0.08015064910766367,0.05099889067999143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571511732917631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656762790425134,0.0811442293232576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431128808032078,0.0808022898591694,0.0,0.12854519067198,0.07159057096603727,0.0,0.0753495223407882,0.0,0.1199467559034748,0.3425745388941409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531548448769837,0.0,0.0,0.11587939236925125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621137219423804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093272604107627,0.0,0.05658700474897318,0.0,0.0657815464604591,0.0,0.0,0.08738397476916104,0.15000045532299167,0.1446728830353033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109736822066936,0.08186249961861343,0.0,0.07834949242849645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419663143404765,0.04439096548337923,0.11947756660846555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976782318612464,0.0,0.0,0.08654658731803916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228623293114072,0.0,0.04846570134503274
suicidewatch,icedmochahoney,2019/01/18,"Has anyone had a good experience calling a crisis hotline? Just as the title says. I only see negative things about crisis hotlines, so I was just curious if anyone had any good experiences calling? ",5.934761904761905,8.542462285714286,7.502857142857145,62.05047619047619,69.0,9.23809523809524,34.52380952380953,9.725611199111238,4.289666666666667,160,8,21,4,3,55,27,35,0.269,0.5479999999999999,0.183,-0.7092,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263176839388186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550060573862672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5184336705732862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966425871424922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42584716296849456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307002690534186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187763011724724,0.0,0.0,0.2022915173938419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865160705957385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dflkgjfdgj1010,2019/01/18,"Here because I can't see a counsellor - adult bullying I am in a horrible and complicated situation right now. I am here because I don't have any options at the moment other than the crisis county hotline and I didn't find it helpful. 

TL;DR I am in my late twenties and dealing with bullying after high school/college. 

I'm being bullied almost regularly by a young guy next door at my parents house, as well as a couple about my age at the apartment where I only stay for for three days a week for my job. Can't stay there because neighbours are abusive toward me, shout insults, follow me around (upstairs) stomping and throwing things. They leave bags of garbage outside the door, and husband has threatened me by staring at me while punching their front door repeatedly, going out and punching my garbage can under the window of my unit, and threatening me with his fucking huge truck while I was crossing the street – He had plenty of leeway when I started crossing, sped up and leaned on his horn. Left me shaken.

Here's where it gets really weird. The wife of this couple was in my grade 12 math class. They look old now and it makes me wonder if she was one of those people who stayed back an extra year. We hardly spoke to each other but she seemed alright, didn't ever pick on me back then. She remembered me before I remembered her. Now she and him are my neighbours. 

I am on disability for mental illness - agoraphobia, social anxiety, depression and panic attacks. A lot of it is a result of trauma from school bullying I experienced for several years. They know this because they've seen my mail. 

They say horrible things to me like after I use the bathroom they say I'm fucking dirty. I turn on the sink to block them out even though I know that is bad too, wasting water. I don't have a sound machine but plan to get one. If I am in the kitchen they get furious and start stomping and swearing sometimes, tell me to stfu. If they hear me eating they call me a pig or something along that line even though I'm thin. I basically tiptoe around the unit because I don't want to draw their attention. 

Stuff from landlord as well - I have given up texting him about their garbage because he lies that he took care of it when it's sitting there in front of my door. There was also a really bizarre incident in the summer where I think he used and destroyed the toilet while I was away and it had to be replaced. I believe it was him because he said he had to fix the roof and asked if I would be away and I said yes. He's the only other person with a key. It is deeply fucked up. 

Now this guy at my parent's house is giving me a hard time, getting worse every year with insults. His bedroom window is always open because he's a hockey player and he shouts insults at me like ""Go fuck your mother"" because as a result of my handicap I can't drive and I often get rides from my mom. He says sexual slurs like the c word and stuff like that. It's great. He is younger than me and would say mean things to me sometimes like call me a psycho when we were kids but thought he would grow out of it. Nope, he shaved his head, got fit and now is an even bigger bully. 

I am at a loss of how to deal with this. So that's why I'm here. I feel like I've gotten paranoid as a result of the constant abuse from these people. I have zero self esteem, just feel like garbage about myself like I went to college and it was amazing, am an off-and-on freelance artist now but am terrible at staying consistent with producing art and staying in touch with the local art store. I have sold stuff at local art shows and it was great but I didn't go to any of them this year because I've been struggling. An old client I did illustrations for said hurtful stuff when I cancelled going to one of them because she was also going to be there, said ""You only had a year to prepare."" She has no idea. ",4.892593548387096,5.475919427096777,5.421967741935487,83.79695161290326,68.92258064516129,7.8000000000000025,29.177419354838708,7.627320914984058,1.7034129032258063,3056,106,607,31,50,983,341,775,0.17800000000000002,0.741,0.08,-0.9977,3,0,1,0,1,0,71.0,2,2,14,3,43,34,10,2,40,2,57,9,1,9,1,87,110,54,0,8,11,6,6,8,2,3,1,13,9,6,36,42,3,1,14,6,2,16,11,19,2,5,32,24,99,15,94,71,3,109,0,3,4,4,83,47,4,11,48,413,135,7,0.0,0.12849512416618775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054298339084571455,0.0,0.0,0.08672716126755259,0.045119406242980734,0.0,0.0,0.07374949394519957,0.0,0.041481850044365214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096543198242051,0.05069290053060179,0.06168857750174776,0.10189203414657293,0.08339110140670543,0.04527547191297679,0.3636045145883462,0.0,0.04614134039154942,0.061092819779280376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073923764047823,0.0,0.055285832764171115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058597782470499724,0.0,0.0,0.11999749621042545,0.0,0.034970532404365984,0.11180684692344124,0.046703770579219615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548554303426391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744497552784882,0.04904946732046843,0.04568676184322357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054835411289220565,0.07747646533690349,0.0,0.0,0.04956051645303485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051994325853212,0.14165119013875996,0.052017402362847735,0.15408611555732754,0.0,0.0433685537575806,0.119566143140315,0.0,0.10738222292844364,0.0,0.0,0.0971496019061897,0.0,0.055650324158407566,0.0,0.06111532952816159,0.0,0.03634576361777338,0.05729151489836633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251363575112055,0.05804880693737755,0.061213237986859424,0.0,0.0,0.053809781305118334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960110198164423,0.0,0.0611679752893646,0.05741627038681504,0.05891544144589871,0.0,0.0,0.21193212144274592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553520418523287,0.0,0.0,0.04610001527322159,0.0,0.0,0.036195498154109065,0.0,0.0,0.05906674142763602,0.0,0.0,0.054645879453351635,0.0,0.0,0.06350747091275184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576687267578525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137996846144348,0.0,0.11023245381154427,0.12372129051966248,0.0,0.06362116000254553,0.12042052347978947,0.0,0.0,0.07518534552788271,0.047347034017942415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947563509407803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285233419003995,0.04630771246365069,0.20632094024356046,0.17248705957797295,0.0,0.10975685506938072,0.04321017265826465,0.049364252871844115,0.0565683284783426,0.06125862860547813,0.0,0.0,0.060950986014950234,0.0,0.05527539017394777,0.0,0.041744926856042516,0.10725949587741586,0.0,0.07676123403838066,0.2889822941659169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668757059127904,0.2482978497275937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047394895491321115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080737119483365,0.03474508450485618,0.10655124934778976,0.04304846169468418,0.031618937116218916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060245786424136714,0.0,0.058981048984834375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366569391965454,0.0,0.0,0.03198321236044893,0.0,0.04349589151955242,0.0,0.09750927688134836,0.05026696492383237,0.048929479087424385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058804520040406025,0.0,0.0,0.055259739008313165,0.1155593001267996,0.0,0.0,0.17459507823688342
suicidewatch,1q99,2019/01/18,"does someone as terrible as me even deserve to eat im truly awful. selfish and annoying. i deserve nothing but the worst treatment. letting me eat is the same as throwing perfectly good food away. in fact i don’t even deserve to breathe, just the fact that im taking oxygen should be a crime

i feel like my mind was conditioned to think a certain way. my parents did it. because of them i think like this. but im too fucked up and that’s my fault. i hate how my mind works. i hate myself. but i cant imagine living any other way. it’s become a little comforting now. hating myself is the one constant. i care about nothing else 

my friends don’t deserve trash like this. when they pick me apart and point out my flaws i can only think that it’s what i deserve. im an asshole, im lucky to have anyone who will spend time with me. but that’s why i should kill myself. im just a roadblock to their happiness

i’ll disappear. hopefully no one will care for filth like me. no one should. what a mistake that would be, caring about something lower than trash

in oldboy there’s a line that goes “even though im worse than a beast, don’t i deserve to live?” when i apply that to myself, the answer is no, never. im barely a person at this point, i don’t deserve to live. yet here i am, still being selfish. im a train that’s going off track, faster and faster plunging towards my death, bringing others down with me whether i like it or not. this train is about to go off a cliff",0.9934948165869208,3.2302762960526366,2.481016746411484,93.68272328548643,83.73684210526315,4.737480063795854,21.71212121212121,5.941861826196647,0.18187850877192968,1150,38,243,8,33,373,157,304,0.214,0.61,0.17600000000000002,-0.9272,2,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,3,2,18,28,6,0,16,1,24,5,1,2,5,39,40,17,2,6,9,1,1,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,21,7,3,0,6,0,1,5,10,12,0,3,2,1,36,16,31,28,2,31,0,0,0,1,7,14,1,3,15,163,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034942791993604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177016971965403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956258754386294,0.0,0.0,0.04513381798372427,0.0817708578554753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264647445978409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001044256544514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479250270875475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152187222751906,0.061850537329896614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670725889233968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743661739859802,0.05289386405648359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952890885315441,0.0,0.0572027669813593,0.06844836411424822,0.0,0.0,0.08415675664954536,0.06210085558490797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881646990097567,0.0,0.21929615971219332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353797185764095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7197787017136381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819137840613208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571044868284342,0.0,0.18085990326302487,0.07420707261197887,0.19613481785774314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495176635325596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571038596777091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208587604296796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051333075576426,0.05631040852800032,0.0,0.0,0.08221215011362501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464847279577357,0.0,0.0,0.13998259898157894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273346421226635,0.05699925716976735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591280743938263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566852173121055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423246480158292,0.07274347472542722,0.0,0.0431730527241585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753828538267368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680917111927244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390166884929709,0.0,0.07545261932620065,0.0525955667938634,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lairelithoniel,2019/01/18,"About my suicide attempt... Not too long after I made a post here in this sub, I attempted suicide. It was December 21st. I took between 50-60 25mg diphenhydramine pills. I had a friend staying over to keep me on suicide watch. I lied after I came out of the bathroom and said everything was fine. I then texted my ex fiancés mother and told her that he can have my room and not move out of the apartment because I’ll be dead. They called the police and the ambulance. MIL and fiancé show up. The EMT’s and a cop show up. They came upstairs, into my apartment and into my bedroom and asked me what’s going on. I told them I was taking my own life. That I do not consent to medical treatment and that I will not be leaving my home. They told me I couldn’t do that. That I had two options: come willingly or be carried out. Then I was told if I fought and hit them, I’d be charged with a felony. So I made them carry me out. I fought them the whole way. I was trying to grab and hold onto doorways and use my legs to pry myself out of their grip. I couldn’t get away. I was strapped down to a gurney and put in the ambulance. Shortly after I got into the ambulance, the EMT’s were asking me my name, date of birth, what I took, medicines I was currently on etc, etc. I remember my mouth going completely fucking dry, my lips and rest of my face were numb. I couldn’t move my hands, toes or body at all. I blacked out. And I don’t remember anything from the three days I was in the hospital. I was told I had two seizures. I wasn’t breathing on my own. They had me intubated and on the ventilator for almost two full days. I had to have a defibrillator used on me and I still have scars from it on my chest. Apparently when my ex fiancé came to visit me, I kept saying, “I’m sorry I made myself into a vegetable” over and over again. I was told I could barely talk or move my body after the tube was taken out. Everyone was terrified that I had permanently damaged my body and brain. After I was stable, I was sent to a psychiatric ward in my city. I was there 8 days.

I’m obviously not operating at 100% since this happened so recently. I still have days where I break down and cry and wish that I had died. Because I know I’m too scared to ever try and kill myself again. I still wish I was dead sometimes.

But here I fucking am anyways.

Just wanted to share with someone/people who would understand.

TL;DR I tried to kill myself, failed. Too scared to try again, just wanted to share.",1.8070154244868952,3.71587746561886,3.4010040546754183,89.96810976884174,78.86247544204322,6.3751368975462945,23.010533795928605,7.378060373470096,0.8378818793629557,1926,62,415,26,47,637,228,509,0.146,0.82,0.034,-0.9954,2,1,0,0,0,6,65.0,0,0,9,3,21,15,6,2,21,0,46,19,12,5,3,78,90,32,8,10,12,3,3,0,1,3,4,2,3,0,14,39,1,3,4,2,0,14,10,11,0,4,47,7,90,4,63,31,8,81,0,2,2,2,35,39,2,6,24,300,104,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264264642806538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969778510522261,0.0,0.13563827224703984,0.0,0.0681577662883708,0.0,0.0,0.08844467483032667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241741119960072,0.0,0.08098344065209025,0.07407585039665175,0.2489140903060515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249049866411485,0.07606132774006026,0.0,0.0,0.057920727727067835,0.0,0.07968651698339363,0.18714031137452505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528953943982047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181216144346272,0.0,0.06562048070192564,0.0,0.0693191960373046,0.06519814721669175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056047553154994566,0.13413208935560433,0.03790140728001906,0.0,0.08245720514191902,0.0,0.05802031093071947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641506928394368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276785679664659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644807150207086,0.16051905907977204,0.0,0.03986845501141556,0.0,0.0,0.07681394862615112,0.0,0.0,0.05124019081442927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419943060070157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059295375815376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308075923721159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130935928014446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050293089658296826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947739489249427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292706738575952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162875329558413,0.0,0.16435712078650655,0.0,0.06900625030848148,0.05769014620697504,0.14525901746864528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060009402030808616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174817652285792,0.0812074145999951,0.0,0.07732258103279904,0.17380193655424306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23805509878067566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454429209354045,0.058308367619161534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159151762238276,0.16119879303022128,0.1970112954239696,0.0,0.2125957462850764,0.07552118404849999,0.0,0.12530998186237724,0.0,0.0,0.0855770259755141,0.0575822957994241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099313025651457,0.1668447502855288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051533395693196885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JollyAstronomer,2019/01/18,"Worth No one in person has ever said something good about me since I was maybe 10. 


I have never gotten a compliment about my looks since


I have always been left out of parties and never included in things. I guess I have a few friends but for the most part I'm treated like shit and as for haircuts I lack the ability to even get a good one, and before you say just experiment acknowledge that I'll get bullied for experimenting if it's bad


Unfortunately I have not been able to find anything enjoyable, my only 2 interests are dying slowly, programming and playing video games to reduce stress


I know I can go on but it feels like the world's ending",5.777968749999999,6.328758359375001,6.506250000000001,76.91375000000002,66.96875,9.525,30.0625,9.516144504307137,2.6066843750000004,522,18,99,10,8,172,91,128,0.19,0.615,0.195,-0.5068,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,13,1,1,6,0,10,1,1,0,3,20,20,8,1,2,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,3,1,1,4,3,0,2,5,4,13,10,14,15,4,11,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,3,6,67,17,1,0.16455355342715966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692173856171924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541355359913304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739534370515982,0.0,0.0,0.14002295402461964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078060880178705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574560625417052,0.0,0.0,0.10868607009711503,0.14884810994359166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219299012061317,0.0,0.0,0.08320322089383721,0.11755709144771752,0.0,0.0,0.15039896669344832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713366718508531,0.0,0.17194487993647298,0.0,0.09351957655078168,0.2760394268484781,0.0,0.0,0.18127429103166864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043432951636664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787879172758082,0.0,0.0,0.16078510856694048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818354100736654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531616191843726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538276896156245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301149296335768,0.12515039244846102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819546273489434,0.0,0.0,0.14368181572615618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652811169379993,0.13085959038129555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891185789487634,0.2722407996888957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266813647874712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849553948238892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093220690382849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotLegion,2019/01/18,"Cant leave loved ones but hard to cope Hi, I'm 21 from the UK.

I'm not actively suicidal but it's becoming an increasingly common thought. For background I've suffered on and off with depression and anxiety issues for about 5-6 years now. Abused by extended family as a child and bullied at school and it's took its toll.

I have a decent support network. Good relationship with parents and supportive girlfriend. They listen and try to understand but in terms of solutions it's a little hard but I get that.

I feel like it's wrong of me to feel this way but I've come to a point where life just isn't fun. It's a task, sometimes easy sometimes hard but it never feels like that's really leading me anywhere. I haven't achieved anything in terms of career or education in these years due to my mental health. It feels like limbo, I can't even motivate myself and when I try and fail it knocks me further down than before the attempt. 

I love my family and I love my girlfriend. I don't want to leave them like this just because I don't feel strong enough right now. It feels selfish because even though I feel like nothing I know I am something to them. I've looked for help before through various means. I've been medicated and had therapy but it's never hit the root of the problem and honestly I don't feel any closer to figuring that out.

I'm just scared because I know that by carrying on this way it looks like I'm not trying and like I don't want to find a purpose which I worry will result in losing my loved ones who are really my main reason to live. They might not realise it now but I'd hate for them to realise it when it's too late.
",2.5235212660731925,4.456602860534126,3.882394658753712,87.23554055390703,76.77448071216618,7.223303659742829,25.17992087042532,8.131152278815165,1.512827576656775,1312,47,270,23,30,431,172,337,0.206,0.627,0.16699999999999998,-0.9343,1,0,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,5,7,14,26,1,1,11,0,15,7,0,5,2,57,48,25,1,3,15,1,11,7,2,2,3,1,0,1,25,16,0,0,17,0,0,4,13,9,0,2,4,14,31,17,38,41,6,36,0,4,2,4,18,16,0,2,21,164,56,6,0.0,0.0998364329137312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730090112336739,0.0,0.06446003248707695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934026690039702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540956003939874,0.09306051795067692,0.14340114037611826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258406402299754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257454924468654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706494525386632,0.0,0.11130822445143283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588690176592126,0.0,0.3408423095271786,0.2407865351839138,0.0,0.0,0.07701374208773734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440233032442481,0.0,0.0,0.07067478484970738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264460175335248,0.08319106481464163,0.0,0.08956633385697715,0.0,0.0,0.056478896217588975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794740836201738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261614334687192,0.0,0.0950509601212146,0.17844212109453075,0.0,0.0,0.05951658844356296,0.2881623527232594,0.08445244178653119,0.07440469712842032,0.0,0.14151734977811112,0.09426738057053638,0.0,0.0,0.3041981917074445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917857826316593,0.0,0.08488488043333765,0.0849160575307181,0.08938843477284625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997576148663467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085145224600883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141959281986839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356273704422756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965461967105537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806271454363308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796051020952256,0.08663514553044009,0.0,0.09046561962441987,0.0,0.07195910130856413,0.0,0.0,0.08436074322700568,0.08527742176258986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648688363328355,0.16667411365238508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216871311254247,0.1912385430113608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636069104224562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278677285549535,0.06689444266324293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361794003777488,0.1716246563797881,0.0,0.0,0.08771948656599103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993995641752081,0.1337661607522646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557192964148387,0.0,0.0,0.0921270308260978,0.0,0.10852364977161397
suicidewatch,BubonicZombie,2019/01/18,"Opening up has ruined me. Therapist suggested that I open up to friends (emotionally). I did, and it has resulted in me getting kicked out of two separate groups of friends.

I have PTSD (no one knows) and suicide has crossed my mind multiple times.

Friends told me venting was okay. I guess I did it too often.

I feel like I'm piling on my own pain onto myself over and over again; I feel like all of my problems are my own fault.",3.1489579831932772,4.866952164705887,4.138655462184875,87.01823529411767,74.41176470588233,7.680672268907562,29.789915966386555,8.418075326091056,2.155521008403362,334,15,69,6,7,108,58,85,0.165,0.67,0.16399999999999998,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,1,15,15,3,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,4,2,15,6,12,11,3,13,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,2,4,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239334439044841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151629575955896,0.3040018308245516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931501848303285,0.0,0.11116206954823056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343870355943543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693127740657465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789459305146507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148341979986988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417654715863945,0.0,0.2263992799878473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358945576487905,0.2487134466841448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327327606550291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470390942083414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124066253284253,0.0,0.0,0.2033081577682887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784261790597866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mendedwounds,2019/01/18,"Twisted Thoughts -Passive Suicide Has anyone every thought they hoped they would get sick so they wouldn't be around any more? I have been having trouble with my stomach and a test came back I have some bacteria that can cause ulcers, but it can also be a risk factor for stomach cancer, although it is very rare.  My doctor recommends I have an endoscopy now and I have the twisted thought that maybe it will come back that I have stomach cancer. That way if I am sick and I die I haven't been the one to hurt my family it wouldn't be my fault. I am just tired and don't see what I have to live for, but can't take my own life.",2.4133216783216795,4.084320346153849,3.0883216783216803,93.97031468531469,76.30769230769229,5.650349650349653,23.356643356643357,6.11248444174946,0.327461538461538,495,15,108,3,11,155,77,130,0.271,0.672,0.057,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,25,11,3,1,0,21,34,10,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,6,1,18,1,6,21,3,7,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,3,3,81,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130370727325676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286629434233549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229350745055676,0.0,0.0,0.16842870898282658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29096727281341783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639516260408886,0.0,0.19436120559553288,0.0,0.16297962405026986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636042430665274,0.0,0.0,0.1936549026469921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940972445448442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783615530478591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884954099463604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879189556559304,0.0,0.0,0.20254323014953265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336380283999141,0.0,0.0,0.16706765773988616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007750310064456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282072704002645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507684379278532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695482423689998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225535736680214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506125936756588,0.0,0.2174583373785828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561103672723025,0.0,0.15017868511154575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440272738508466,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jkaamaine,2019/01/18,"I don't know if I'm overreacting I don't like my father. I feel he doesn't even try to be a father. When my mom was alive, he was nearly useless, just made the dinner. Mom was doing all the other work, earned most of our income, looked after and cared about us, and made our family organised. My father didn't do any of them that when I was 4, I thought father was just the husband of the mother. Because he was just that.

Mom died 3.5 years ago. Our whole family got seperated. He started to spend most of his money and time for some woman he married right now. I was the last one to learn that, even my brother who was 5yo that time knew it. My sister had lots of arguing with him and she doesn't come home much. 

It was the last year of the middle school, I went to a boarding high school because I couldn't bear it. But we have 13 weeks of summer break and 2 weeks of semester break. And school gives us breaks to go home for new years and other holidays we have here. If I didn't act stupid and stayed in activities, it would be half of it. But I'm stupid and have zero self control.

At noon, I have to go home for the semester break. It's 4:30 am and I'm nervous and scared. I feel like there is no logical reason for it and it's all teenage hormones (I'm 16). I get scared even talking on the phone with him, I sometimes miss his calls intentionally and tell him I was sleeping. He believes because he has a bad sleep schedule too. But I don't know if being a teenager is enough to make me scared of him that much that I can't stop my cry or want to kill myself. None of it seems logical.

Tonight, I want to kill myself, I couldn't bear it. I actually don't wanna die, and there are 2-3 people who cares about me that I care. But I can't find any other solution. My whole high school life just repeats itself. Come to school, try to calm myself from the holiday I had at home, start worrying about the next holiday before I could calm myself from the previous. There is no calm period where I can focus on my studies. So I suck at school. I'm the worst student in my class, probably even  in school. All my friends are in some activities but I do nothing. I can't imagine a future for myself. I can't do anything. I can't love people or this world. I can't communicate or have friends. I'm planning to jump from the top of our dorm building. It's 16 stories high and I know I'll succeed if the door is open. If I jump, I have to do it in an hour, so no one sees me going. 

Sorry that it's too long and thanks to everyone who read this and answered.",1.7909788681078425,3.366514067039109,3.3777236660999117,91.63849222735004,77.78957169459963,6.457274714598008,21.915998704558334,7.255503002510835,0.5359471621731031,1982,55,449,24,46,656,230,537,0.085,0.8240000000000001,0.091,0.2527,1,0,0,0,0,3,64.0,8,0,1,6,23,27,6,4,21,0,53,5,2,6,3,77,92,34,4,12,17,11,2,2,2,1,1,0,6,2,30,24,1,2,15,4,2,9,20,14,0,4,20,4,67,13,52,65,15,62,0,2,2,1,48,20,1,14,30,295,97,15,0.0,0.0,0.06527387632534118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592929365481631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097343396646626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504383062405237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584940226757845,0.12232448052416907,0.0,0.05691749134379101,0.07536083718954592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830100238022452,0.0,0.2045929451389732,0.0,0.0,0.1152376564060896,0.0,0.0,0.07502154163597978,0.0534053101134511,0.0,0.07347426937403853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388401479010931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911407056927223,0.0,0.17671783878678993,0.0,0.0,0.06391517003432465,0.0,0.0,0.1261137242520942,0.0,0.06764203252229416,0.04778541333801778,0.0,0.0,0.06113520418505334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335633113752482,0.0,0.03494666743594281,0.06416588732771446,0.1140434379323596,0.0,0.05349712995207896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120152519819942,0.26837991240914577,0.0,0.06587205114443599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800522137204475,0.0,0.11028110076561408,0.10904669319810548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724557836379131,0.06535703441494503,0.0,0.0,0.059194534234679214,0.0561697941164582,0.0,0.0,0.056866514886567486,0.060369805630181815,0.1265837090063825,0.044648831945246534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350182653084321,0.0,0.0,0.0983420135463027,0.0,0.0,0.0646016756209271,0.07113705904930036,0.0,0.0,0.06418166300874863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065124221044517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274462373544194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721175018542949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690695881980588,0.0,0.0,0.06877288608533418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712271903967753,0.0,0.0,0.2009022463748212,0.4738656654450082,0.053301759493118765,0.060893103921196,0.06977966654580475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387432815612207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615479065341909,0.07487659997402947,0.0946885555738736,0.07129462251040215,0.0,0.05592208015956317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053762730150491385,0.05846380991483295,0.06158227341009296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310228149157649,0.07800686171405041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908262874177674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091812011868867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890556265703458,0.0,0.1073084140185926,0.0,0.0,0.06200664126035808,0.0,0.14935804186682902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869588508077422,0.0679288819024173,0.0,0.0475159254069284,0.0,0.0,0.1292226940512071
suicidewatch,TimsHotFriend,2019/01/18,"Ex-girlfriend of a week is trying to kill herself because of me, need help NOW My physically and mentally abused ex girlfriend who i broke up with like four days ago is texting me fucking screaming how shes gonna kill herself tonight but shes at work. Shes a rape victim, and i spent the last year with her cause i cared about her but realized she was really fucking controlling me and alienating me from my friends and family. I still care about her and shes more serious about this than anything ive seen and im fucking terrified idk what to do someone please help",4.680907079646016,5.8840957079646055,5.164767699115045,83.19193030973454,69.79646017699115,8.835840707964602,32.70907079646018,9.188382445141503,2.8337796460176987,457,21,90,9,8,146,75,113,0.228,0.607,0.165,-0.8173,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,14,7,0,3,0,9,4,0,3,0,15,18,9,2,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,0,1,3,2,21,4,13,14,1,10,0,1,1,4,16,2,3,0,9,57,24,1,0.0,0.20127758999613146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505865512504725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979507684795175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355602048639452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464037799694097,0.17451144785911246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053256394679127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955722295157083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014581083405866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312472813963189,0.4711482772650461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773121564030605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349733528269435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758895603926605,0.0,0.0,0.13847320110914446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299378463495848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119701608855306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596234609140025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647497375800332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882816360487554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393703425423998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566474889086896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533597576176632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626584318430365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367316954265947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939582898804873
suicidewatch,gntfcknflr,2019/01/18,Can we just fucking end this shit Please stop it,-0.5609999999999999,1.2131589000000034,-0.6600000000000001,108.70000000000003,110.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.685,39,1,9,0,2,11,10,10,0.422,0.435,0.14300000000000002,-0.6683,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131081498939779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311961779313675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119872013396094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478771654964454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38994656133320016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Saddd101,2019/01/18,"Girlfriend is pregnant, I've only been thinking about ways to end myself. Little backstory, my girlfiend and I have been togheter for 2 years. It's been going great lately, I've been studying the subject I always wanted and it was just great overall. I've always told her I did't have a childwish. My girlfriend  was on the pill our entire relationship, she quit 2 months ago because she wanted to get a different form of anticonception, but decided on none.   


A few days ago she send me a picture of a positive pregnancy test and since then my world has fallen apart. I've told her I did't want children, atleast not at this moment. She just told me she's keeping the child.

​

Since then it's all been spiraling down for me, I can't pay attention to a lot of stuff, am constantly in a sort of panic and just sad overall. I've told her this and she keeps telling me it's just shock and it'll wear off. Which I am convinved it won't. I've also told her I've been thinking about suicide, which she just told she is lucky I would't have the balls for it. I fear I might have to quit school and move across the country because we're long distance. My world is just upside down right now.

​

I just needded a place to vent, thanks for reading.",3.66697580645161,5.403656262096773,3.9959999999999987,88.49900000000002,73.0725806451613,6.572903225806452,27.72258064516129,7.1686216300943375,1.3419493548387105,995,38,199,10,20,310,130,248,0.106,0.8109999999999999,0.083,-0.8688,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,0,2,11,8,0,2,13,0,22,2,1,0,1,31,39,11,1,4,9,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,12,7,0,2,4,2,1,4,4,4,0,0,14,0,32,4,23,22,5,32,0,1,0,0,26,14,0,4,13,126,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499092936031607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789338455602871,0.16425987854800206,0.21389227791655496,0.2398732160249781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033853033547875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666435391405378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365615024459423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031250539651422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874227709700883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106985281867464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515689571867813,0.0,0.05609596564963123,0.0,0.0,0.21764382320231196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546595078694902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134282372810826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892770496220746,0.0,0.08735025756704967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391492198568616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470973384752952,0.0,0.0,0.07878488297811921,0.10490712000473228,0.0,0.07318803646109381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750691178762406,0.0,0.11580830606261484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031250539651422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099684852875532,0.09873107646675447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059715496450596,0.0,0.08429298896523506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998940876261635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329854251942486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299288387225186,0.10796655566918288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627196616102177,0.09087371855330297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649154401927934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658975076454833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465517663099572,0.07834693115372851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011674940083103,0.0,0.2398732160249781,0.06356237533762095
suicidewatch,squintinghamlet,2019/01/18,"Only living for others For the last 5 years I’ve been having SI from time to time with it increasing dramatically the last year or so. It’s daily struggles with any kind of self care. The only reason I keep myself somewhat maintained is because of my job. I work in a high school with kids who have mental illnesses/ developmental disorders/ autism/ etc. I am in a happy friendly mood at work because it helps the kids be more receptive but it’s all an act. I leave work and instantly sink into theses thoughts 

I have almost completely pulled away from socializing. It’s rare that I get a text from anyone in a given day. I have an awesome group of friends but every time they ask me to go out I make up an excuse and get out of it. 

For the last year I have doing cocaine daily and I thought it was a temporary solution. It seemed to work for a while but is it worth it to be a f****** coke head to avoid these thoughts? I’m already overweight I’m sure this coke is killing me even quicker. 

The problem is I want it to. I stopped a couple weeks ago and I’ve been nonstop thinking about killing myself. I tried to confide in a close friend but they don’t give a shit, no one cares. I think about what it would don’t my family and I crushes me every time 

I’m already a f****** failure, if I do this I can imagine what it would do to my mom dad and sister. Al I wanna do is stop this sadness and emptiness. 

I am living only to avoid other people’s pain ( if they would even notice me gone) maybe I’m just a narcissist thinking people would have any amount a shit about me, I’m sure I would just disappear like anyone else ",0.19673847366347275,2.594230250755288,2.117814921844218,92.69515926704322,92.41389728096676,4.570103769867333,20.18658872980428,6.280692351149826,0.22336984106134272,1267,43,264,14,46,418,169,331,0.19,0.6890000000000001,0.121,-0.9838,1,3,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,3,4,8,21,4,3,22,0,30,8,3,2,3,51,54,16,2,10,9,3,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,3,24,14,3,5,9,0,1,6,3,10,0,1,8,0,33,10,37,39,6,34,0,1,0,0,19,12,2,6,17,172,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697613180051673,0.0,0.08695513072913902,0.0,0.19165450075595647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810484437147105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143748380909407,0.08897519695907319,0.0,0.0,0.081181263865403,0.0,0.0815866129502907,0.0,0.0,0.10587056832769726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707307061419147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104738087451547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608395160941287,0.0,0.056002950884979856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995232045451174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254152020610069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684667577339788,0.11471059152977495,0.0,0.14632854027011538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186258958516679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012711217700628,0.0,0.09073793389716328,0.08330236428791403,0.04935170595536601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244004645262004,0.0,0.0,0.08912024371088527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058205290992628035,0.09174850007655956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617273837060084,0.07718508727082728,0.19214547449922384,0.09042780819590404,0.0,0.2123522577063505,0.0,0.09194828758369376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424243762250596,0.0,0.15335806248385409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796465097937359,0.0,0.08723985836525046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751169320803669,0.0,0.0,0.10170293472318123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886497622174514,0.0,0.0,0.05884328197005085,0.1981313088483017,0.09240113550148296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204042639151405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830916816069978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928332870318277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788410328824417,0.0,0.07905352418113214,0.09059036576241862,0.0,0.17827472387401075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088519812202608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451999399430978,0.0,0.09078132397023153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368647802674602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692573380241155,0.0,0.2068176307484824,0.2025423876170441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058956906827700974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121895915838218,0.0,0.06965573896049093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528746988320057,0.0,0.0,0.3084340521552861,0.0,0.0,0.16776135081155338
suicidewatch,anonMass101,2019/01/18,"Parents are Abusive and Best Friend is Unsympathetic Man nothing like learning literally nobody in my life is on my side.  There is nothing more demoralizing than realizing literally no connection I have made in my entire existence has panned out to actually caring about my feelings. My family is abusive and controlling and the one person I thought I could trust (my best friend) has only become more apparent he literally doesn't care about me. Instead of helping me whenever I have a crisis he gets angry yells at me and blames me for whatever happened. I slowly have realized he literally doesn't really feel empathy for others. I tolerate it because I do care about him and we are similar and feel comfortable with each other. I'm extremely lonely and I struggle to make friends, he is the only close connection I have had for most of my life at this point.

​

I've fucked up, I walked from one unhealthy situation into another but I have no one I can turn to who will be sympathetic. I don't know that I want to off myself at this point but this has to be the lowest point I could hit.

​

  
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suicidewatch,Skranite,2019/01/18,"Im not going to commit, but i like to picture it, is that weird? So i know i dont want to die, but i often like to imagine ways i could die and what would happen to people around me. Anyone else get this?",2.1073188405797083,2.082132195652175,4.24217391304348,91.9586231884058,74.8695652173913,6.133333333333334,19.68115942028985,3.1291,-0.4486579710144922,155,2,38,0,3,54,34,46,0.099,0.609,0.29100000000000004,0.9197,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,9,4,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,6,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986104238533707,0.26356230662119745,0.0,0.2289890392133547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537704757474948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339277985689691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30147138527119954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214882473372018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439194277354932,0.0,0.14618961128313576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274674440784193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277852302199923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136675941287874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513389537083115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783307405270418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172078826338042,0.20417702553027475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272865473725766,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cmhowie,2019/01/18,"I used to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It dims more and more each day. I’m too tired to even cry about it anymore. It’s too much of an exertion of energy to even feel any kind of emotions. 

Joy brings me guilt. I find myself laughing at a meme or something I’m watching and before I can enjoy the moment all of my issues creep back into my mind like “you might be having fun now but we’re still here.”

It feels like all of my friends and family have just about given up on me. They no longer support me in a way. They’ve always turned a blind eye to my depression but never with this much blatancy (is that a word?) 

To give some background about myself. I turn 24 next month and I feel absolutely hopeless. I have a Bachelors degree that seemingly no one in the world cares about. I’m drowning in student loan debt because society made me think I’d be a failure if I didn’t spend the four years of my life with a book in my face. Now it seems like no one wants me to make any money. I can only find work that anyone who waltzes into a temp agency can get. No growth. No livable wage. 

On top of that I JUST started worked the day before yesterday. I already hate it. I don’t have a dime to my name until the first paycheck. I need food. I need toiletries. I need a way to catch the bus. I’ve reached out to the borrow and random act of pizza subs with no luck. No response. No one cares. 

My bills keep piling up. I’m sick of owing people money. I’m sick of being too depressed to write and record my music. I’m sick of being an artist that must force myself into some kind of corporate working man mold just to have basic necessities. I used to think I had so much more to offer the world than that. I’m finding out people just simply don’t care. There’s no avoiding the boring quotidian hamster wheel of life. 

Now I’m at a crossroads. Part of me wants to give up, move back home with my mother and flip burgers for the rest of my life. The other part of me is too fed up with the issues to deal with them. It isn’t going to get any easier. I’m tired of the cliche anecdotes of “it’ll get better” “you’ll be ok” my mom doesn’t even tell me these things anymore because she knows that I know it’s bullshit. No one in my family wants to talk to me but they get upset when I isolate myself. I used to have friends until I started falling on hard times. 

I just feel trapped. The way I was raised...I’m very far behind a lot of my peers when it comes to life. I never got a chance to learn how to drive. I never had a serious relationship. I haven’t had a holiday that I enjoyed in 5 years. I’m rambling and there’s a lot more to my story but I don’t even feel like typing anymore. I don’t know what to do. I just know that I can’t live through another year of this. I hide my pain through memes and jokes and people love to laugh at them. They love to tell me how I make their day then there’s radio silence when I decide to stop being funny because I literally don’t have the energy anymore. I don’t think I’d eat even if I could afford to. There’s always something hanging over my head. 

Lastly, the only support I ever had was from my Godparents. If they weren’t around me since birth I would have no concept of love or spirituality. Now the older I get the more I learn about what a farce religion is when that’s how they get by. I’ve been learning that sometimes, success and happiness from it is just not in the cards for some of us when they used to always make me feel so smart and special. The older I get it seems as though everything they used to tell me was a lie. They’re the sweetest people I’ve ever known and it tears me up that they’re getting up there and age and I haven’t fulfilled any of my potential. I just wanted them to see me make through all of this but time is ticking. I don’t know how much longer they have left and I know I’m not strong enough to do this without their blessing. I’m just tired. ",1.320761188951778,3.182856891435467,2.9171230398069987,93.07825237388266,80.20627261761156,5.554056478302559,20.519640592620085,6.490185161304077,0.11712636788221832,3069,82,684,27,78,1009,331,829,0.151,0.703,0.146,-0.0623,5,3,2,0,0,1,69.0,1,2,13,8,51,42,1,3,44,1,53,22,3,14,9,125,133,42,1,13,22,2,7,4,2,5,12,0,1,1,35,30,4,3,26,5,10,10,31,10,0,6,14,13,100,32,109,107,22,87,1,3,5,3,37,32,0,16,46,455,135,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047347900450994,0.0,0.13679468533585326,0.0,0.0,0.14906429639288488,0.05746287866878087,0.0,0.0,0.21738863628891208,0.038317634589969465,0.0,0.0,0.04878387344652034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427607561521024,0.0,0.10021723829663133,0.0,0.09326201540042718,0.0,0.0,0.048466400236479565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761763343643174,0.0,0.0,0.04720559459278708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043753569743447566,0.0,0.06019554165262962,0.10602495410778423,0.05649668925502704,0.0943988131696088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607437414096349,0.0,0.0616429465549212,0.0485367883776796,0.05662334514081518,0.0,0.18097536246497894,0.0991399932859789,0.0,0.0,0.049250964090631885,0.0,0.10332166629026143,0.0,0.16625202894237973,0.07829867145281602,0.0,0.0,0.150259407598698,0.046613095822645986,0.0662647241307282,0.0,0.0846771310426967,0.0,0.22904710377471996,0.10513885680578557,0.03114426577154953,0.0,0.043828795328781714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583359241372233,0.04909029295765647,0.054103937720241024,0.05624090397740925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054969155643833284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439452338486555,0.0,0.04870901268817266,0.0,0.11413213128393278,0.18070082632165646,0.044669547709769115,0.0,0.0,0.059540671779624736,0.0,0.1548282523680362,0.10709060793484493,0.0,0.04838965709236777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317848805186707,0.14837819472037392,0.0518533562358255,0.14631846745799745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813444410929958,0.05533266770237767,0.06418143339624334,0.04374106597213207,0.05824403214951523,0.16113806433362435,0.12190115451861278,0.12679607816564667,0.0,0.058280726539089424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853636988378358,0.08335617477292816,0.058311368694201074,0.0,0.0,0.11868674036791095,0.0,0.151966475030969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883499941836527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873374668727276,0.14966436841118536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045331363400507606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843758759130233,0.054198884728290535,0.0,0.0775758498809711,0.0,0.04376357970043578,0.04581549342682019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243734317363284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044046394604592025,0.1436935978356219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036406875420091626,0.10534143282412656,0.05384100338916616,0.0,0.06390897566595215,0.18895460414024495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921395113533376,0.0,0.0,0.06591799744857374,0.2366492638352781,0.0,0.04521597562965545,0.1292905155508491,0.13049375037827105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052825520769759084,0.0,0.11968578403014987,0.0,0.0,0.03892855133319153,0.0,0.0,0.10586876369774373
suicidewatch,belladonnapeach,2019/01/18,"i used to make myself hang on for things like tv shows, but at this point i don’t even care about any of it. my favourite tv show is preacher. i connect to the characters, i rewatch episodes constantly, i write fanfiction about the characters, and i always say that i am as good as dead when the show is on hiatus.

it currently is on hiatus, but dear god i couldn’t care less about the new season. i just want to be gone so i can stop invading people’s lives and ruining everything. 

this dumb, garbage show isn’t worth sticking around for.

sorry for venting. have a great weekend, everyone. ❤️",2.6879254079254125,4.886634777777778,3.4846775446775453,89.02370629370633,77.2905982905983,7.331468531468532,26.02097902097902,8.296473431620573,1.7321179487179488,467,18,95,9,11,148,81,117,0.131,0.648,0.221,0.9028,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,5,0,10,0,0,2,0,12,16,8,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,7,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,12,6,17,13,1,15,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,8,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896984859061454,0.0,0.0,0.15503492291551665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295145765468775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648837225802456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463665091745479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057932475213398,0.0,0.0,0.21784565069965925,0.20489465569088364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121967729015005,0.0,0.251349898059483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138001887718957,0.0,0.2013114324157266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521791124527787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201855061071008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805334551791195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155157698825582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129967105581613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552061057611312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906023551888571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146047070781032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969024173569565,0.0,0.0,0.13446912236651504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sguss314,2019/01/18,"Lets put it to a vote.... Ok so, do it or not to...  Here's the situation.  SUPER condensed version.

Over the last month my wife has told me she hates me, I do not love you, you are a horrible man, you are a bad husband, you are a bad father, I terrorize her, I scare her, I am abusive, I've destroyed her life, I am the cause of ALL the bad in her life, I cause ALL problems.  She tells me how wonderful she is to me, what a gift she is, how loving and respectful she is, the good things she does all the time.  When she yells or is out if control, I made her.  Ill stop there....  So lets see.  Either one of two things here, I AM everything she say and that my friend is a DISGUSTING person!!! and not worthy of life to treat someone that way.  Or two. I'm not and branded and beaten with those scars the rest of my life, hating every ounce that I am. (If you are told a lie long enough and loud enough you will eventually believe it)  its a lose lose situation.  

What do you think?",0.3871756978653522,2.3406642364532004,2.30512315270936,95.75338259441708,83.97536945812809,5.640065681444992,19.026272577996714,6.868970318607317,-0.0058761904761905894,732,19,175,9,21,243,106,203,0.251,0.63,0.118,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,7,0,5,8,21,5,2,15,1,20,7,0,6,3,31,31,16,0,3,10,3,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,2,12,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,13,0,3,3,4,36,8,12,25,8,11,0,2,1,2,32,3,0,6,6,128,48,1,0.0,0.13770332391790316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911199789793645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094168990013774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23878273216991025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035215381194631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170610787570968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24017549522322146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792152045739624,0.0,0.10445227724776483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979234550557194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748097469985667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948909152523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473593193682396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768845897706625,0.328362375046566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028522590061629,0.0,0.2600439791917177,0.0,0.0,0.20978865583131895,0.10997147450361863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927667921713427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875461107688568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148002119508183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112081591916324,0.0,0.11683458175777132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242390164934518,0.11635787068415665,0.0,0.09261338810667917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612753884568284,0.0,0.0,0.09847399331477928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716627298614923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158260382636254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442463372316315,0.07446996385542426,0.0,0.0,0.06776961799769557,0.0,0.0,0.22210900745434087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270627901828797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225111728120423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603712278588788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butterflykiss__,2019/01/18,"Every year seems to get worse and worse... I've been battling with depression for about 8 years and it has never ""gotten better"". In fact, it has actually gotten worse. There's not a single second of the day that I don't think about killing or hurting myself. The only ""good thing"" that has happened is I am able to mask it more properly. I fake being okay and once I am alone I cut myself, punch myself, blood let, and countless other things. This happens everyday and now people think I am ""normal"" as if my depression just vanished but I've been lying this whole time. When I told my family about my suicidal thoughts all I got was ""advice"" on reading books about bettering my life and that I just needed to think happier. After that I just started pretending like I loved life when I really hate it. I'm getting tired of living and I think I've already lived to my fullest. I want to kill myself so badly but at the same time I never succeeded and I always hope for things to go better, but there is nothing to heal me or help me. I feel so alone. I'm always alone and my days just consist of playing video games and eating then finally sleeping at 4 in the morning only to repeat the same boring schedule. I want to experience life but I can't. Every day is such a struggle and I am thinking of dropping out of school because it just hurts to go. Anyways I don't even pay attention in class, I just go to the restroom and sit in the biggest stall and cut myself like the pathetic piece of shit I am. What did I do in my past life to get this punishment? My supposedly ""best years of my life"" are the worst and I can't imagine myself being any older than I am now. I feel like I wasted already almost half of my life being depressed and pent of inside all day...

​

I wish my past suicide attempts weren't failed and I think many others do too. I just hate this life.",3.748487841945291,5.046154867021278,4.836504559270519,84.30500000000002,72.13829787234044,7.286322188449849,26.19452887537993,7.7094869923839395,1.4389539513677807,1474,48,289,18,28,484,187,376,0.251,0.621,0.128,-0.996,0,3,0,0,0,5,45.0,0,0,0,7,23,33,9,1,11,1,28,14,3,0,5,59,61,29,4,7,15,0,2,3,0,0,9,0,0,0,19,18,1,0,12,6,1,3,8,20,0,2,10,2,50,13,40,47,10,40,0,6,0,1,4,10,1,6,28,206,69,7,0.07483001827244262,0.0,0.07302330347399646,0.0,0.0,0.07312302780574514,0.0,0.0,0.07493145412610687,0.2325039941325565,0.16515357185984256,0.0,0.12452913942090513,0.08107829353454017,0.0909266627546728,0.050886978455926116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247993960553822,0.0456156845917622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852948753167785,0.19854321049512566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303668501107815,0.0,0.1933529552656648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656979002725031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942452133023792,0.0,0.12609503557351384,0.0,0.0,0.07319811662518742,0.07054308152617937,0.0,0.0756726112580477,0.053458580005577634,0.0,0.08197262735506419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728678815673248,0.0,0.12758287152803086,0.06276386904075484,0.05984840146473513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234387605678116,0.0,0.0,0.14775830187500694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050156983898930335,0.0,0.0,0.07432309251979739,0.0,0.0,0.16021416446379946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655766564577527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651876357242328,0.3699825842466401,0.10967450135308056,0.0,0.13215255416810898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753701304985132,0.0,0.0,0.07586589349246736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548551038129753,0.1154270464320105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331752998974694,0.07180142070916191,0.0,0.0,0.07969152727254973,0.0,0.11382320173191718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286743926820872,0.051877712692125724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485026833811732,0.0,0.047938025837454004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573197347572212,0.0,0.06812243821629448,0.0,0.0,0.07681193842040511,0.0,0.0,0.07488405961671525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296507208122524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822858243720797,0.0,0.16370378917324632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914121731203922,0.2876883252316393,0.0,0.059406675914167234,0.08726797084345529,0.0860060980637941,0.0,0.07150328922930227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882733671120146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354504306716858,0.08605082803929731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877454458079044,0.0,0.0,0.0909266627546728,0.14456423510679828
suicidewatch,MyMother12345,2019/01/18,"They'll Miss Me When I'm Gone I have so many friends, yet I'm so fucking alone. None of them even want to hang out with me anymore. I don't even have anyone that I can really tell how I feel. I've always thought that I was generally liked among the people around me, but now I'm starting to question that. My best friends barely talk to me anymore. It's like I'm falling behind everyone else. I don't even remember the last time I wasn't alone on a Friday night. Sometimes, I just want to kill myself so people can see how much they would miss me once I'm gone.",2.585166666666669,3.6376011833333344,3.77,91.78166666666668,74.66666666666666,6.666666666666668,24.16666666666667,6.937597516519254,0.652166666666667,442,13,101,4,9,144,74,120,0.135,0.701,0.16399999999999998,0.5445,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,3,1,13,9,2,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,0,15,26,7,1,3,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,5,2,18,5,11,19,3,15,0,2,1,1,8,4,1,1,9,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33592354593295914,0.0,0.0,0.13494048857844773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216630315740033,0.11339476354756566,0.0,0.0,0.14436788318479946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019000475901158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354742913495007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213401660240787,0.0,0.0,0.15496274732865212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199927488982307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25058810010642874,0.14992583771666118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941981309351399,0.0,0.0,0.13219221004972814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845855693967667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441743325169791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192154271730994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218787968104827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172708390594006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248599461800377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167028423847797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389183861823682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370979783433825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923046413033018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039272215188094,0.0,0.1147865108113551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034809050081464,0.14174588910327898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874682841233054,0.09456407293607874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130705217995397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520267158745938,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,magpsycho,2019/01/18,"I’m afraid of myself I’m afraid I’m passively suicidal. Like I wouldn’t kill myself but if I was drowning I wouldn’t struggle very much. I just want to go to sleep forever and hope things sort themselves out.

And that terrifies me. Why do I feel this way? My life is pretty good at the moment, and I have great supportive parents. Why do I feel like I don’t want to be here?",1.0358544303797466,3.0849928860759515,2.74985759493671,92.93592563291142,82.16455696202532,6.481645569620253,21.26740506329114,7.6454224807358475,0.7464797468354432,294,9,66,5,8,97,52,79,0.155,0.535,0.31,0.9403,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,1,3,1,0,9,2,1,0,0,15,19,5,3,6,3,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,2,12,6,6,15,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949306303151225,0.15505989915858126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335398852366708,0.1820504623064517,0.0,0.23929736620659725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557870093203496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013263774192498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533081772246572,0.21207842430908824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595560406234845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410073064924105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208169349985576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172058204976929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22690681463605325,0.0,0.23741645436927775,0.24630471277744986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419775780538874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908821417784304,0.25604233036772195,0.17228344916574395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39170605216364224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depresseddreamer,2019/01/18,"I can’t cope anymore I’m 17, female. I’m failing my A levels, I’m stressed about my university auditions especially since drama is the only thing I care about now and I got a U in my written mock so there’s no chance I’ll get into an acting course for uni with grades like that so what’s the fucking point. I hate my job and college, I can’t seem to do anything right and it’s just so hopeless. All I want to do is kill myself but I don’t want my mum or little brother to find my body. I’m cutting myself, having panic attacks, constant suicidal thoughts and I’ve been lying to my doctors and mother saying I’m taking my medication when I haven’t taken it in 6 months. I’m stupid, fat, ugly, a mess, a waste of life and Fucking worthless. No one gives a shit, why would they. It’s my own fault, it’s always my fault. I just want everything to stop.",0.6378540273335283,2.696116414364642,2.9893515556847916,90.59783367257923,83.75138121546959,5.1364931666182025,21.68101192207037,6.339386263674448,0.3522198895027624,665,22,143,6,19,228,112,181,0.363,0.586,0.051,-0.9968,1,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,1,10,19,9,2,8,0,11,8,3,0,1,21,32,12,2,4,4,3,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,8,1,1,3,1,1,1,6,17,0,1,5,1,22,2,13,26,2,13,0,3,0,2,6,7,3,2,6,82,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473498506640091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058658232270026,0.0,0.0,0.13325088706599594,0.0,0.0,0.18421362913565706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986272365175165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509383593723534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498393714600907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573760752728445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552819566707062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799697070972867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29939502544602925,0.08459938894232621,0.15533369151198856,0.0,0.0,0.12950661210857733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598679047261107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068607023611522,0.0,0.1791465711473055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437276722107854,0.07910861865043192,0.16229188732586536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312290277856548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924738682809833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972490741676308,0.12315163709374595,0.0,0.18998468190577372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307193358974344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828348967291235,0.0,0.12876965441007476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474108909519764,0.0,0.0,0.16621419571550056,0.13394644439171455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537696601699425,0.1854851096985952,0.0,0.0,0.1771202121217572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217478218503489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757610510957577,0.0,0.0,0.12855075734661595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286523560386902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611257512229575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502722718335352,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noreceptionplease,2019/01/18,"No matter what I do - I just can’t seem to get traction in life. So, it leaves one solution. I’ve never posted here before - I didn’t even know this sub existed until four minutes ago. I’m tired - exhausted - beaten - lifeless. I have a near perfect hand in life - I’m good looking, charming, caring, kind - but I’m also labored with a insufferable amount of pain and agony - shame and regret. 

What cripples me most - is seeing that few, if anyone, ever survives this. This is what we have - this is who we are - this is what defines us - we are destined to fulfill our existence - alone, fragmented, screaming in pain inside the lonely echo chamber. 

My chest is heavy - my eyes dead. 

I have family and I have friends - but no one wants the responsibility of dealing with this - and I understand. 

My soul is already dead - I’m just waiting for the body to follow. ",2.850815217391304,5.2895405838509335,4.0921389751552795,83.6464072204969,77.94409937888199,6.261024844720497,26.21156832298137,7.413659706084162,1.5463940993788818,658,26,120,9,16,215,106,161,0.264,0.614,0.122,-0.9858,0,3,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,0,0,3,7,14,1,1,5,0,15,10,4,0,3,25,29,10,2,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,13,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,8,0,3,1,5,16,6,13,28,3,10,1,2,3,0,8,4,0,3,4,84,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990461140160395,0.0,0.0,0.18682935740874404,0.1990645525431814,0.14425760177274974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613269336789024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349837375469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037232388851944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839193519078663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597389056919295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914571525724328,0.16317283813897654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005538300973985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393686577912746,0.0,0.09424618852510927,0.0,0.0,0.15130234684938906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878481444993544,0.0991374779160659,0.0,0.0,0.1910066776701136,0.0,0.0,0.254829201875316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148194074355734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391276803196783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444734989126286,0.0,0.3838947819233598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276349685103798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374725953816767,0.1642200350736042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733145803935352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779207053946692,0.21698663418495084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639853639100047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donkeybutthole57,2019/01/18,"Nihilism anyone? Anyone else just not care anymore? I just feel so numb. Nothing matters. I just feel like what’s the point? Of anything? Our existence is so insignificant and minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Nothing I do in my lifetime will ever make a difference, everything I’m doing is for nothing when you think about it. I’m working, saving money, planning for my future but what future do I have? Sure I could live to be 80+, find someone I love, have a family and retire happily and live out the rest of my days hopefully somewhat able to care of myself but then what? Then I die and all of those things I did won’t matter anymore because I’ll be gone. 30-40 years after I die the fact that I ever existed at all will probably be forgotten except for a few surviving relatives but other than that it’s like I was never here. Think of all the people who have lived and died before us and we don’t even know their names because they never did anything worth remembering with their lives. So why am I trying? Why not just live life on my own terms? Go on a drug and alcohol fueled bender and go out with a bang? Why am I putting all this energy into a future I’m not even promised? I could be out traveling, seeing the world, actually enjoying my time here but instead I’m constantly depressed, and stressed out, exhausted from working all the time. Why put all this effort into my life when I’m going to end up with the same results no matter what I do? I’d rather go out and have fun and do whatever I want and die young than put all this effort into a life I’m not even allowed to keep in the end. ",3.7895410256410247,5.0452132400000025,5.085711538461542,82.71974679487181,71.98461538461537,8.124358974358975,27.080128205128197,8.59863814320734,1.9295051282051283,1273,44,251,22,24,424,166,325,0.15,0.7290000000000001,0.121,-0.9043,1,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,3,1,3,6,19,16,0,1,16,0,26,8,0,3,13,73,50,23,4,5,14,0,2,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,16,24,1,1,7,1,2,9,9,4,0,0,4,3,30,12,37,37,13,47,0,1,1,1,10,17,0,2,23,180,46,2,0.08394142717624506,0.0,0.08191472422757208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970785743328605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664946800489977,0.1173875952340526,0.08600791188099062,0.1381532845858567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233982978096047,0.0,0.071427971948738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116775881808008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071086203918914,0.0,0.13404079844827413,0.0,0.0,0.054135276227670254,0.0,0.07229862822632173,0.0,0.348471795066904,0.08770092537712751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734540588509512,0.0,0.07012229127707681,0.0,0.14869437868514476,0.0,0.0,0.16632756293836642,0.15185965323662814,0.0,0.0,0.07544114217153929,0.0,0.07913250694605788,0.0,0.08488661547598426,0.05996777234699969,0.0,0.0,0.0767209437119143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908233899808338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337277742669524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461099734985104,0.0,0.0,0.04613201311809356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778709373725194,0.08201908254610124,0.0,0.3706090903743073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576041531868723,0.0,0.05603155445600793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948160692631874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163218986525214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819441639265136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935178094858535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050305587692717,0.0,0.0,0.2531529572696501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508927358740404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689044952625425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112329884620533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615462122191068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911380170762551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153390863717458,0.10757255425652623,0.0,0.0,0.0978938424510886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056990718992677575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097120145769743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951082859593458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029763270910953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222071744375795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405552697370632
suicidewatch,jumbofern,2019/01/18,"I don’t see a way out Before you judge and say “oh, not another one who wants to kill himself because of grades”, please read on. I know there are people who have it worse but I don’t see a way out.

I failed most of my courses last semester. I haven’t had an internship for two years and thus have no serious job prospects. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for months now and in November I finally contacted a therapist for an initial consultation. I have another appointment soon. 

I told my mother about it and one of the first things she asked me was if I was a drug addict, implying that my depression was all my fault. She told me I just had to power through my little “episode”, and that she felt depressed “the other day” but snapped out of it. I’ve tried explaining to no avail that it’s not how it works. 

My relationship with my dad is mostly symbolic. He’s honestly an idiot and treats me like a fucking child, although he does love me in a way. I’m 22 and sometimes he sees me up at midnight and tells me that it’s late and I should go to bed. If I go out to meet up with friends when I’m back home (as is the right of any 21y old), my mom lies to him about where I’m going so he won’t get mad. 

Every time I try to fight back he just makes it worse and uses it against me. I’m basically imprisoned and treated like a 15y old, no freedom. My mom hasn’t even told him about my depression and anxiety. I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen. He would probably think I’m lazy and say I’ve been wasting his money in college. My life is basically trapped between two worlds: I can’t tell my parents how I truly feel and have to hide everything. 

If I told them I’m having suicidal thoughts they’d probably call me selfish and be disgusted at me even considering leaving them like that. If I do tell them, things would be even worse. Hell, evn the mere hint of mental health problems set my mom off, and she’s the one I “tell” the most. Every time I’ve told my dad anything it backfired.

I started my school semester this Tuesday and I already feel defeated. I just can’t do it, I know it. I won’t be able to. I just lay in bed all day, unable to move. I live with 6 others and soon they’re gonna find out, because I’ve also been locked up in my room at night and not going out with them. I go to a very superficial and hyper-competitive university, and while my friends are my friends, they don’t understand mental health and have made jokes about claiming depression to get out of an exam for example. We’re one of the universities with the highest suicide rates. 

I avoid people because usually I’m forced to answer questions and confront reality, and I’m simply too anxious to do so. I don’t have any plans after graduation, I’m not going to this Vegas trip, I didn’t travel to some fancy location over break. 

I’m trying to take a leave of absence at least but it’s looking unlikely. I mentioned that to my mother  but she just seems to be in absolute denial, asking me today when I’m flying back for one of our calendar breaks. I’m also on a lease that runs until July, and would be unable to break it if I take a leave of absence since I live in an expensive city and my rent is over 1K per month. If it wasn’t obvious, I also have basically no money to my name and my parents never gave me allowances. I usually had to ask them for money growing up when I needed it which was a method of control for them. My personal money has gone to utilities, books, etc. 

Help me please?",2.9679287703939505,4.34636001392758,4.579437922801437,85.06665389972149,74.20891364902506,7.969797055312376,27.02755670513331,8.580850980189759,1.8624336649423001,2742,102,576,51,56,923,313,718,0.18600000000000005,0.74,0.07400000000000001,-0.9982,5,2,2,0,1,1,66.0,1,1,8,7,32,30,8,1,25,0,53,7,0,8,4,99,111,51,4,14,19,9,3,3,3,8,5,2,5,2,32,39,0,2,15,4,6,12,22,19,0,8,23,9,90,11,85,74,8,84,1,6,4,2,68,32,2,12,36,376,122,11,0.05882437393878188,0.0,0.0,0.06412725039697817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491415940216727,0.14112549175854874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000518290421163,0.1233649701329224,0.04500048505377628,0.06645479885847352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048407447590128765,0.0,0.1649785467779386,0.0,0.0,0.13569693764104931,0.0,0.10757637709494684,0.0,0.05005520960204074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060066262750783965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659765373103859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587370954295405,0.0,0.20266138830909328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051477606044288665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821759826628059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560472646274627,0.15541177680272736,0.0,0.09912414423573622,0.0,0.05286755427864942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948674187624475,0.0,0.05648062387492374,0.0644392263372531,0.0537644120866586,0.0500359824218825,0.0,0.0,0.13634269615480255,0.05438218582307043,0.061466614993028926,0.0,0.20058748390583475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201819960358653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250551174903762,0.0,0.0,0.0394287378865801,0.0,0.059005643306882086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837411438443965,0.0,0.0650804542071785,0.0,0.06465667505294652,0.04794971594471055,0.06635645601232565,0.18685955529626286,0.0,0.0,0.04154939495637478,0.08621585331777118,0.05895747640418299,0.1038859998008686,0.0,0.0493976588114244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309129413664598,0.055661044934734345,0.03926572638288648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185622665797688,0.0,0.0,0.20668318741010155,0.09390610812134492,0.06252100010480001,0.0,0.04361752791467103,0.045368983589211716,0.0,0.0,0.05520269006917218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345257024793566,0.0,0.1993045908384096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063501172740688,0.0,0.0,0.08156282841946393,0.05136317436146933,0.0,0.12914299591364242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268452486596138,0.05628698145418482,0.0,0.0,0.06589676140184753,0.0,0.05884029264978894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315536320285718,0.0,0.05023569393280111,0.0,0.09355900638721347,0.0,0.05953340690948852,0.14062623003552352,0.05355150074489036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048660129996467835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817880996080215,0.0,0.04163619464126088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303295252038327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884572168366007,0.0,0.2056603824469201,0.0,0.0,0.06829963203115097,0.07816060042381302,0.03769228359585574,0.0,0.09339996432212362,0.06860193099357584,0.0,0.05575862834045707,0.2810460508083511,0.0,0.11981366571334733,0.0,0.11492573164470528,0.06123824782324139,0.0,0.05080537216608006,0.1295734744972321,0.048536269086305914,0.034696139836068875,0.14007614995012904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042824844822345484,0.0,0.1798411876514387,0.16714858996948326,0.0,0.0,0.03788096818371788
suicidewatch,enchiladatacotaco,2019/01/18,"I wish I could have the guts to end my life My mom belittles me everyday, called me a stupid bitch this morning. Screams at me everyday.

I want to die. The only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend. If I killed myself it would destroy him and I cant do that to him.

I'm so tired. ",-0.6455000000000021,1.5196864500000018,1.2983333333333356,99.1125,92.83333333333334,5.0,20.833333333333336,6.6274283507984215,0.2418333333333336,217,8,52,3,8,71,45,60,0.34,0.57,0.09,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,0,6,3,1,0,0,7,10,3,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,15,0,4,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,3,35,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29548342978053443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104176587289085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30032475119962354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25629966565773266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572091002262919,0.32014969702041496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439356744989806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389115858447661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008213191371406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922473717297548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325930940519669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068041075641674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33276606877450865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556314137638995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,laserfan26,2019/01/18,"Not me but a friend My friend told me that he once got raped by a girl (he is a guy) he said that he still feels sexual assault. And then his dad fucking calls him and says that ""you cant be raped by a fucking girl. Go kill yourself"" what the fuck do i say?",0.3831578947368435,1.7191002982456176,1.8981052631578983,101.7587368421053,81.10526315789474,5.261754385964913,18.417543859649122,5.6839178017228535,-0.7024287719298248,195,4,52,1,5,63,42,57,0.454,0.546,0.0,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,9,7,0,5,0,4,5,0,0,0,5,12,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,4,7,2,2,8,0,3,0,0,0,5,18,0,3,0,2,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462630832799668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112295539141638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399152325247596,0.6101096895736532,0.0,0.0,0.12502089066068134,0.0,0.17593977230937224,0.0,0.0,0.21781685363213502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433775884063463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342737453326997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209253342018366,0.34987717319438083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567798042766244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102023131526309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,divaisahustler,2019/01/18,"Coming up on 12 years of unsuccessful treatment for depression, ADHD and bipolar on top of the struggles of being gay and I just don't know how much longer I want to go on. I'm just tired. Nothing works. Not the myriad of meds I've tried. Not the therapy. Nothing has improved since I was 13. I'm two weeks away from failing two university subjects and pushing back my graduation even further. At this rate I won't have a bachelors until I'm 27 with literally no relevant experience in my field. 

I'm gay and I hate being gay. I've done really horrible sexual things and them done to me just to feel something. 

I hate the way I look. I hate everything about myself. I self harm often and I've just got no hope for the future. I'm currently lying in bed with some very specific plans about how I might go about ending it. For the longest time my only motivation to keep living has never been hope that I would feel better but that I don't want to ruin the lives of those that care about me. But those that care about me don't have to be me and they don't understand how much mental pain I'm in constantly. I've thought for 12 years and I'm proud of that, but I can't do another 12. I think I'm very close to a tipping point",2.023117083190688,3.9051348858267767,4.001208490243069,86.04555460458748,78.09448818897637,7.566997603560424,23.24820267031839,8.456263369488248,1.4388711400205412,967,31,205,20,23,329,134,254,0.13,0.759,0.111,-0.2181,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,7,16,15,3,1,9,0,20,6,0,4,1,41,49,15,0,5,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,10,12,0,1,7,0,0,4,11,9,0,2,6,3,24,6,35,37,3,29,0,3,1,3,3,13,0,5,11,129,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401296437758003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222644835421418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095488366709571,0.0896576285313238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312256418993694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377614193073301,0.0,0.0,0.10043993229880567,0.0,0.12600237015401575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042676599705254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864303700669776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327232991575308,0.0,0.0,0.07701270711887924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479189048642618,0.1140564433521442,0.0,0.0,0.11791217174968195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325320853417835,0.0,0.09325507439395088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34535286899342266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316187350870584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363877372893564,0.0,0.0,0.06407990026976812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591855369034912,0.0,0.0979140064843732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295154849760125,0.0,0.11750462287099955,0.12369338170478082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142773448830584,0.0,0.0899285322468788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376025644627112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867898628438826,0.12406982635043765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022398256059396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469646734683587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163845052516185,0.0,0.0,0.0964521072181398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976380170043878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218948559422052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334140785342022,0.0,0.077463362848178,0.0747120934314788,0.0,0.09256678284276902,0.06798996225497247,0.13401368920435627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916323920234071,0.0,0.2278010558443413,0.12138393475987512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241319043827787,0.13754652113617472,0.09255106000658574,0.0935288878241201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488564507955272,0.0,0.0,0.08282876413538016,0.0,0.0,0.15017219251358827
suicidewatch,CaveTan,2019/01/18,Should I break up with my girlfriend first? Does it make it easier? If she hated me would she miss me less? ,0.006212121212122668,2.347641136363638,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,92.1818181818182,4.751515151515153,11.87878787878788,6.42735559955562,-1.0038666666666658,83,1,19,1,3,26,19,22,0.234,0.6629999999999999,0.103,-0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,2,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736002516326459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603371385472449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343144761085364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612494699049215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384446851517739,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jjstrange13,2019/01/18,"My only new year's resolution... ... is to grow the lady-balls to kill myself.

I hope 2019 is my year!

Wish me luck.",-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,2.2800000000000007,92.965,91.5,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.9157333333333328,84,1,20,1,3,30,20,24,0.149,0.57,0.281,0.4926,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836339926651204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273290551796445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730432311805847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29376098234012143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441691217848871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974654384465806
suicidewatch,zak120896,2019/01/18,"Why am I still alive? Why am I still here? I don’t know anymore why I’ve still stayed alive this long. I feel so sad and lonely all the time. How can I be surrounded by people but feel like I’m all alone. 6 months ago I almost took an overdose. I can’t be selfish always selfless I can never prioritise my self over others it hurts because I take on everyone else’s problems but can’t deal with my own. 

Reminds me of a picture I saw of some guy crying that he doesn’t want to be alive anymore, with another guy about to shoot himself stop what he planned on doing to comfort this other guy saying life’s not so bad. 
Why is this me? Why can’t I just stop for a split second to just priotise me for once? I feel like I still want to kill myself but the only thing that’s stopping me is others.

I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I know what I want but I can’t not for me though but for others. 😭",1.2197014034040023,2.688085314720812,3.00555389668558,94.15415945058227,79.10152284263958,5.650522544042999,21.232905344879068,6.2272716619740125,0.08234989549119165,705,19,164,5,17,235,103,197,0.195,0.6659999999999999,0.139,-0.9409,0,3,0,1,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,12,11,1,0,5,0,18,1,0,1,3,32,32,10,1,4,9,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,14,3,0,3,7,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,2,6,27,4,19,27,4,18,0,3,1,0,9,4,0,2,15,108,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084850690335343,0.0,0.10262588687621164,0.10614558277915374,0.0,0.0,0.08527736131674205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746651424008344,0.0,0.0,0.3049185776790941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557233125623376,0.06247509996024631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257711385274577,0.0,0.10565955623872238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856147047802089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793068287949787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072819467650021,0.2196501154901728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30443461204972433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097144110573189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338663724833778,0.0,0.16897245991647025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238957120380289,0.15020985646593313,0.0,0.0,0.0906977350951704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081804114205027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904426217093484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914526827547287,0.0,0.07794595181063023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105155420017092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806618017188946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150174463112281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069162515294014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923746372465516,0.32738487663891275,0.2570510644872091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705743974619406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808778269397531,0.0,0.10069291848000912,0.0,0.05976097093100876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138667842620744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134839420386248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623927057802757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Randz55,2019/01/18,I want to die because I made a mistake somehow i am evil because I am mean and evi and now i want to die,-0.107999999999997,0.6477368000000006,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,81.0,5.0,28.5,3.1291,0.5434000000000005,80,4,21,0,2,29,15,25,0.483,0.43,0.086,-0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,6,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004674361163751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6818049562325752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31080851426467754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578027239108936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874830480028798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toldosay,2019/01/18,Always desperate Why should I continue going  on like this ?,6.177999999999997,9.463752799999998,7.190000000000001,61.32500000000002,71.0,12.0,30.0,11.20814326018867,5.2989999999999995,48,2,6,2,1,16,10,10,0.195,0.593,0.212,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5785796430136354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951784704453449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397086236771523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6274373468212318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raxuseng,2019/01/18,Please help me. I just need someone to talk to. I cant deal with this rn. I just want to die. It hasn't been this bad in over a year. But I can't deal. This has to end. I cant...I just can't anymore.,-4.437083333333334,-3.463872208333332,-1.2183333333333335,113.29666666666668,114.83333333333331,2.1333333333333333,9.5,3.1291,-2.5766,146,2,46,0,9,50,30,48,0.173,0.691,0.136,-0.5754,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848167320692008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397928515486577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921635162184109,0.0,0.0,0.2980593670021029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543663677524098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249836459730696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129488094573098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152499527639472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24333637021189986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083359617818705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939294875466882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494186767287346
suicidewatch,boymomsince2008,2019/01/18,"Nothing matters anymore Just waiting for another day to pass so I can sleep and feel nothing.  I can't end my life bc I feel to guilty; my mom has already had to bury three kids and a husband at 48 years...I also have 3 kids.  I'm tired of smoking weed, scrolling through fb & reddit just to pass time.  I'm tired of being on medications that aren't even helping, I'm tired of grieving bc it's so painful.  I don't really want to kill myself, bc it'd hurt my family too much as my brother took his own life and I could never put my family through that type of agony.  But if a car were to hit and kill me, that'd be a different story bc it was an accident.  Idk, just wanted to vent...guess I'll try to take a nap to help pass the time...ugh, this is no way to live!
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suicidewatch,throwaway10009268910,2019/01/18,"I want to start cutting again. No matter how happy I’m supposed to be, I just feel empty. When I used to cut myself at least something had a purpose. Does that make sense ? ",0.843,3.161226371428576,2.31964285714286,94.01660714285715,85.28571428571428,3.5,20.17857142857143,3.1291,-0.45228571428571396,133,4,27,0,4,43,30,35,0.207,0.627,0.166,-0.128,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,7,8,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999411993635134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310829962813767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865061879688006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30506433593551885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35183625145299185,0.0,0.0,0.3234810415898522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947184618634008,0.0,0.0,0.2695621814150217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hellothrowaway01,2019/01/18,"Experience with checking yourself into a hospital? I don’t know if I need to or not. My psychiatrist seems to think I might when I get bad. I live with my mom but I’m not a minor, though I am a dependent on her health insurance. Some questions I have:

If the hospital takes my insurance, do I still have to pay? And will my mom be notified?

Since I’m checking myself in, I can leave at any time right? 

Can I have my phone with me?

I’m already taking medicine for depression so what are they even gonna do for me?


I’ve never attempted suicide but I think about it constantly and did have a knife to my wrist last week, though I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. If my mom wasn’t alive I probably would’ve done it already. I just don’t know if I’m a candidate for a hospital check. Also I’m a student and I was just thinking about going for the weekend and telling my mom I’m at a friends. Is that a possibility?

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suicidewatch,ThrowawayThisWorldu,2019/01/18,"I stood on a bridge and couldn't jump, pretty pathetic of me I don't see the point to living after heartbreak, I can't manage it. I'd rather stab myself if it can make the heartbreak stop. I don't want to live without her and I know we can't get back together again.",0.4567816091954029,2.427558586206896,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,83.82758620689657,5.2459770114942526,18.287356321839077,6.42735559955562,-0.17959540229885065,210,5,48,2,6,70,42,58,0.29100000000000004,0.6579999999999999,0.051,-0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,12,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,1,9,0,6,10,0,7,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525461399003032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715936625293269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804992137693272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.580028010111625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192328242795884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104771091552017,0.0,0.0,0.3341363345381461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617200666543274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745862554255645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371939420369755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165994918780526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeneralGrant20,2019/01/18,"Just tell me I am worthless I have been unemployed for 3 years now....I live at home since I graduated college as Summa Cum Laude. I went to grad school, but I was abused. Just tell me I am not worth anything and that this life is meaningless....I am not worth anyones time....",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,78.0909090909091,6.581818181818183,23.72727272727273,7.554174236665415,0.876018181818182,210,7,47,3,5,67,41,55,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.8555,2,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,4,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,27,10,5,0.0,0.35351510879791337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086245554826679,0.0,0.2455299261197741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992855844095945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107448415859118,0.0,0.0,0.2634627844041455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30196248155678235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468115696611876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5215703473514051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397970650244846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765884182656874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921380238480164
suicidewatch,j_smith987,2019/01/18,"Is depression ever treated completely Do drugs, counselling ever treat depression? I have seen that it keeps coming back at the slightest of problems. 

Has anybody else experienced the same? ",6.812000000000001,10.829450533333334,5.821666666666669,66.6825,77.0,8.333333333333334,37.5,8.841846274778883,4.888000000000001,156,9,18,4,4,47,27,30,0.274,0.655,0.071,-0.8299,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,6,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181774474963721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444156555847985,0.297494494069587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.488767232068766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290466621311797,0.0,0.2370271681125665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513315564875176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521998795220575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714994933806389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spirited-away-90,2019/01/18,"Just feeling like what’s the point in living the next moment. What is it about the next moment that’s so damn important. Why do us humans cling to life as though nothing else mattered. I just want somewhere to vent my feelings. This life is basically wake up, exercise, try to get in the right state of mind, follow a strict diet and deprive myself of the foods I enjoy eating so I can feel a little better, go through feelings of shame, guilt, emptiness, rejection, some sprinkles of happiness here and there and repeat. 

I’m always left with this over arching emptiness inside myself. Like no matter what, I’ll always return to this feeling of loneliness and isolation and disconnection. 

Please, I just want to die. Life is so terribly terrible slow and agonising. 

I want freedom. I long to be free. ",5.661818181818184,7.46453618367347,5.917056277056275,76.44233766233768,68.1156462585034,8.33865182436611,30.370439084724804,8.841846274778883,2.677427210884353,637,25,105,11,11,203,97,147,0.235,0.578,0.187,-0.9313,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,1,10,13,1,2,7,0,6,9,2,0,0,22,18,11,1,3,3,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,7,3,0,5,1,1,2,1,7,0,0,0,5,10,7,19,17,1,19,0,2,0,0,2,8,1,1,10,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574903304810753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684335817008894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058208091007176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832423343378088,0.12925446031341803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911728164952217,0.11053691928408528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709636643156724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083841255677253,0.0,0.08793485579960135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470964878643188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681112158995104,0.0,0.32786452919347875,0.1511834832665202,0.15507698940011755,0.13662667631409084,0.13692842638973352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623004861012513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291076002050086,0.0,0.0,0.14846462148046574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698436587677491,0.14626692075549544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213591643776365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201838129242934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050494000141189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861173945392525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737857810956763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396169496628492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,obvathrwaway,2019/01/18,I’m gonna fucking do it I can’t live another day I finally give up I have been on this sub before and was able to be talked off the ledge but not anymore it’s fucking over I can’t do it anymore I have nothing left to go on for. I FUCKING 15 why can every other kid enjoy life what’s wrong with me why does everything go wrong why do I only see the negative in everything and why the fuck does nobody care about me at all not a single fucking person I don’t know how I will but I’m gonna do it I’m finally done trying to be happy I’m gonna take my last escape and hopefully I can be happy then ,-0.6887254901960773,1.169497970588239,2.6092352941176493,92.50439215686278,87.6764705882353,5.685490196078433,19.36078431372549,7.03164865440522,0.32719666666666697,468,14,110,7,15,169,78,136,0.124,0.708,0.16699999999999998,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,4,0,18,6,0,1,1,12,38,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,3,1,13,5,13,28,2,15,0,0,1,5,4,8,5,1,5,67,20,0,0.1147332489785215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030781533024468,0.0,0.0,0.2275691064860381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762954437763703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697819390380773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399345394627788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080767870965016,0.1174119482382414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966677106688567,0.0,0.2062296922785878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513693322781315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303451994684983,0.0,0.11006258702712368,0.1304110988465081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442713539874637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139560042318997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305439310491616,0.0935229111602472,0.0,0.0,0.12465801072011935,0.0,0.08103948681881015,0.0,0.0,0.10131156085859837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008964676772803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872598059263727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018064754032986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142754487206063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626512450283576,0.09221823951070722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789634476815582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141156463512917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508855932616934,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pancakes11111111,2019/01/18,"I'm done I've decided i'm going to commit suicide. I've given myself 6 months because A I owe money and would hate to burden my parents with that, and B I guess part of me has a bit of hope left. We'll see in 6 months how i feel about living. I have everything planned out already, payments, arrangements for my pets, how I am going to commit suicide, etc. 

I use to have this vision board of pictures that made me feel at peace, and what i wanted my future to be. Helped me find a reason worth living for. But the chances of achieving that are low now, I can barely feed myself because my ptsd/depression is so bad. i've been trying so hard for so long... i'm tired. ",2.4066710268149123,3.727418208633093,4.024512753433618,88.71556572923483,75.54676258992806,6.205624591236103,23.42773054283845,6.574015621080383,0.6300302158273388,517,15,109,4,11,173,89,139,0.18600000000000005,0.6990000000000001,0.115,-0.9256,2,0,0,0,0,4,19.0,1,0,0,2,7,5,1,0,4,0,12,2,0,5,2,21,28,9,2,3,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,5,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,4,4,18,1,17,21,3,12,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,2,5,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862282639725685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351510994257195,0.197343658222328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671542293793094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941469131984796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656448109704951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052304418199716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547445514094515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368832416466808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794231851649248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398401645675594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178313318849595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499987467418587,0.15980886884463652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849516757883802,0.0,0.0,0.1607691641539249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586755804267204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858607594773302,0.1432460520075171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316124029074346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25839931692993623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973270574623776,0.17528478077813756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892123427744734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642489960019566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289860070893222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541096106462834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604081220346894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989618601875054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979999519437292,0.0,0.0,0.09547258440484653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498475002846782,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jackethicc23,2019/01/18,"Why live? I think about killing myself all the time and it does not get better every day seven years ago my mom abandoned (at age 10 she kicked me out)
And the days just dont get better.
I left my girlfriend the only good thing that happened to me in all this time because she was not happy with me anymore the more time i spend the more i am sad and what is so great about living there might not be an after life but its still better than going through this pain of a life ",3.3396103896103853,4.201151676767677,3.632784992784994,94.20727272727275,72.63636363636363,5.6571428571428575,21.21356421356421,3.1291,-0.33475873015873026,372,7,83,0,7,115,74,99,0.19,0.763,0.047,-0.928,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,6,10,1,0,7,0,6,3,0,0,2,15,11,5,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,12,6,11,8,4,15,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,10,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682887232461014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426925966276887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097192335025224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394823844307094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364674823103866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495169940062666,0.0,0.1941275327976807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955789966457574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307895576919685,0.0,0.09413639219363186,0.13893003318189476,0.0,0.18261744906452998,0.0,0.0,0.1464739138376741,0.1763256669411085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183254878383021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996712689368366,0.0,0.23399127779224116,0.0,0.0,0.2925243299409369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571667512646955,0.0,0.19399425339021645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597583159840342,0.17625144586838246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227942288627978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004311124975112,0.10613470558069632,0.0,0.0,0.2897560874663071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946332499018114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666600751493534
suicidewatch,whysosadkittycat,2019/01/18,"Didn't jump off a bridge, relapsed into self harm Hey I'm dealing with some pretty heavy emotions after a huge fight.

I was in another country for work when everything unfolded and I walked around the many bridges in the city. Decided I can't die in another country so settled for self harm instead. 

I definitely want to harm again and will likely spiral out of control when I'm home.  I had to quit drinking and get rid of all my toxic friendships so now idk where to put my emotions. I wanna get a script for some mind numbing benzos or something. 

What's the next best step when I get home?",4.071025641025642,5.643675931623932,4.709059829059829,84.45538461538466,71.73504273504274,7.2512820512820495,30.09401709401709,7.793537801064563,1.9926170940170933,472,20,90,6,9,151,80,117,0.135,0.71,0.155,0.3752,0,0,2,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,4,10,7,1,0,6,0,5,2,0,1,1,16,11,9,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,7,1,1,1,1,0,4,2,5,0,0,3,0,9,2,18,7,4,20,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,3,8,56,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35239055415530995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495833187957005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763382905955738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884611856915675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732327034055785,0.0,0.0,0.1743897707540816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460652454580785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780247805102817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101553325077488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633679702119598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33709782154202783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209151618671788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035717911148995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966352788314087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870299920113214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094805426615672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689176830910946,0.0,0.17872177628869282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35058620251220124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293585631243523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991091063428185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232865441706232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadasleepghost,2019/01/18,"I Need To Wake Up I don't want to die, but I will shoot my temple with my grandmothers revolver so I can wake up from this deep sleep that has been plagued by thoughts of self-loathing and homicidal thoughts. 

I don't want to hurt anyone, but I dream about it often. I am always dreaming because I can not wake up my mind like others seem to be able to do. A part of me stays in bed while my body is walking around, and I want only to get wake up that part of me. If I cannot wake it up, I just want it gone on whatever the cost. 

The hospital did me no good when I was a teenager, and the medications I have been put on made me only angrier. 

My therapist won't return my call, and I had thought that I had found the right one for me. I would tell her about this plan if I could just to get her advice, but I do not want to pester anybody. 

No one can find the part of me that dies. I do not want anyone to walk up on a bloody mess, and I do not want a family member to see a hole in my head. 

All I wanted to do was serve God, live free of mortal sin, and to live simply, but feedback makes that impossible. The constant picking at my ears by the whispers of cruel people gets in the way of my prayer, meditation, and concentration. 

I don't want to hurt anyone, so I need to wake up. ",3.4627557544757046,3.318434307971014,4.80770673486786,89.5105242966752,71.86231884057972,8.088320545609548,25.29326513213981,7.724431198458867,0.9657730605285596,983,25,238,11,17,329,135,276,0.14300000000000002,0.765,0.092,-0.8655,0,0,0,2,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,0,13,0,28,11,10,3,1,46,51,17,3,15,12,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,1,0,11,9,0,0,6,2,2,4,11,5,0,2,13,3,40,4,43,33,4,27,1,2,1,0,4,17,0,4,5,167,51,1,0.10207763462264244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974908315109954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493676927485477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141251666541229,0.0,0.0,0.09087073652944344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222557861561255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338524031027955,0.0,0.0,0.10423267791346308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030965928301102,0.0,0.08150068511345415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188093751640547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622970924539323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932971087528206,0.0,0.0,0.11192285759668287,0.0,0.0,0.1599940529739951,0.0,0.0,0.08561787688090085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476110252113276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185524381667884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986997613613715,0.0,0.1802728430415076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658832601389436,0.06813761375643701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028324777704871,0.0,0.0,0.10306931190624123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137854530335512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834089402050145,0.15526928184980518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316203927103347,0.0,0.07076777907450284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026162168276218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871737422250168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134265875833925,0.09292764479261503,0.10648923521631358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215135386957748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880117664627832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922035191406044,0.0,0.0,0.11852000142988907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311471912383445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.541872302766767,0.08102447504065942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251302288551016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nadalyn16,2019/01/18,"Suicide I constantly have thoughts of suicide and wanting to die, today I talked to one of my counsellors and I told her how hopeless I am and I don’t care anymore and her response was “So I’m basically wasting my time and I could be helping someone else” that shit broke me inside and my mom doesn’t support me at all I tried to text her on how I really feel and she just responds with K and she doesn’t actually listen and she just puts me down negatively and I really don’t know what to do anymore I want to give up already.",1.5108181818181805,3.637354990909092,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.9090909090909,6.545454545454546,27.272727272727273,7.686295010490155,1.682363636363636,419,19,87,7,11,143,67,110,0.215,0.705,0.08,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,10,1,1,2,1,22,21,13,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,2,22,2,12,16,1,8,0,2,0,0,13,4,1,0,3,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.17739954764981766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060835066932284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605710842013873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534569500717285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196449002843138,0.0,0.14514348449298933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866796963707794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186113204950585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191782874790468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438828559453134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184913352102646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990631521372598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290872807653693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231847276992782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827478536544282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329169920891881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186603487950088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540289753967422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976946641182357,0.2062916622164877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611487084939165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443199216302973,0.10600245274756244,0.0,0.17231443139644814,0.17370689302311956,0.0,0.12342259422678807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444737022578106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,totalwaste28,2019/01/18,"If you have to make a ""reasons not to die list"", for those very difficult moments, what would you put on it? I read somewhere that you should put together a list like this, and keep it with you so you can read it when you need to, especially if you are about to give up, or in a situation where you can harm yourself.

For me first would be family, then my one friend. There is not much. What would you put?",4.51831325301205,4.448560590361449,4.958698795180722,89.07756626506027,69.60240963855422,9.049638554216868,26.23855421686747,8.841846274778883,1.400881445783133,311,8,74,5,5,99,57,83,0.07,0.8270000000000001,0.103,0.4429,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,9,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,0,15,14,7,1,7,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,2,0,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,12,2,11,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,3,5,58,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965885696532496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856878604036938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611209774966212,0.0,0.0,0.14634580566284214,0.0,0.0,0.18170940035692149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683656405717832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254128655614242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126439652240319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924585987664406,0.14045289796337634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283562306209657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712597516086012,0.0,0.0,0.37894351261004255,0.0,0.0,0.19475581826768246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291657439338124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629174727275047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036766577698962,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anytime710,2019/01/18,"I’m too pathetic When the person you love emotionally shits on you years ago but you have trust issues and get paranoid when they are away for work with another guy just them two eating out every night.

And you asking too many questions pisses her off and drives her further away.

I’m just stuck in a negative feed back loop where I cause the pain I worry about.
Worry more, cause it again.
Then I’m so pathetic I think of ending it cause I’m losing my sense of gratification and connection.

My life is so much better than people who are stuck without sight, hearing. running water etc. So why am I so pathetic.
So self loathing.
Why do I lack the confidence to believe in myself.
Why do I view myself as so worthless. 

",3.1310439560439534,5.391199071428575,4.118571428571432,84.71565934065934,76.14285714285714,6.87912087912088,23.62637362637363,7.882392219407189,1.3145439560439565,570,18,108,9,13,184,95,140,0.321,0.584,0.095,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,2,3,16,8,2,0,4,0,7,8,2,3,0,16,18,15,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,6,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,3,18,3,16,16,4,20,0,2,2,1,16,9,2,1,9,75,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225588050182995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446189240827125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893460170012871,0.0,0.2591567793832123,0.1060503377461894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155386223761731,0.0,0.12197715844977007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250389667303979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112442405854267,0.0,0.1551390535000148,0.12215430685382422,0.0,0.15381489486943173,0.0,0.0,0.1162017635520518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205640075720245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656038614909524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554434760687797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395043614358607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741547845233947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429483142225994,0.0,0.0,0.12447627276896713,0.0,0.0,0.1398270848202779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138551197122818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942658901750265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675434989871586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561489358329514,0.12042457442538017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449959132162358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438784292249013,0.0,0.14157072347386704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883722096147684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472573001856006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733483090234776,0.0,0.0,0.1329479161993682,0.0,0.10040586035960826,0.28012460680671514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881459390032713
suicidewatch,justnobody93,2019/01/18,"I can't have kids--lack the courage to commit suicide I made the horrible mistake of getting a hysterectomy at the age of 24, because of health complications. I'm almost 26 now and I've come to regret it with every fiber of my being. I wish everyday that I had bled to death, which is what was slowly happening before I went to the hospital. I had urine fibroids that caused ceaseless heavy bleeding for months on end. They offered me a myemectomy, a different procedure that would take out the fibroids, but leave my uterus, but I was so sure that they would just grow back that I asked them to do a hysterectomy instead. They were reluctant at first, but I insisted that I knew what I wanted, and that I had always been more adoption oriented.

I don't know why I did it. I keep going over it in my head, but I don't know. I anyways wanted a big family, or at least kid of my own, so why was I do eager to throw that opportunity away? I hate myself for it with all of my heart and soul. I threw away my opportunity to have a family, and I don't think I will ever get over it. No one will ever want me this way. Why would anyone ever love me when I can't have children?

My sister-in-law is pregnant right now, and I can barely stand to look at her or my niece and nephew when I know that I will never get to experience motherhood. I am filled with so much rage and sadness at my own horrible decision that I want to claw my eyes out when I see anything that reminds me that I can't have children, and there are reminders everywhere, all the time.

I don't want to live any longer. I've anyways styles with anxiety and depression, but now I've finally done something, I've finally ruined something that I can't fix. I've mutilated my own body, and ruined my life. Each day is a living, I get no reprieve. I'm constantly bombarded by thoughts of how I've ruined my life. I cry for hours and hours everyday, and my anxiety and depression make it impossible for me to enjoy anything.

I desperately want to kill myself, but I'm afraid that I'll fail, and be horribly disfigured, or survive with severe I injuries that will make it impossible for me kill myself. I've done so few things right in my life, why would suicide be something I can do correctly? The possibility that I could end up with my face blown off, or in a wheelchair, or bed-bound and not dead are what keeps me from attempting suicide. Not a love for myself or my family. They love me a lot, but they've been through worse, and would be better off without me to burden them. 

I just wish that there were a way for me to kill myself that was foolproof. If there was a button I could push that would guarantee my death, that would be lovely. I pray each day that I will get some sort of rapid-onset type of terminal illness, like some type of cancer, and die. I pray that I will die in an accident. I pray that I will not live to see tomorrow and yet each day I wake up anyway. If there is such a thing as God, God has abandoned me. My greatest comfort is in the knowledge that I will someday die, and for it to happen as soon as possible is my greatest wish.",5.100555509216783,5.172697587955625,6.126940111769122,80.71124426557678,68.3660855784469,9.558111602302107,30.075944615897907,9.414487439383343,2.4265822503961965,2442,85,508,46,38,815,261,631,0.217,0.637,0.146,-0.9965,1,0,3,0,0,7,71.0,0,0,6,7,29,30,5,1,22,0,64,18,7,5,9,102,108,45,12,22,21,1,0,1,0,15,7,0,0,3,39,31,0,3,8,0,0,8,15,17,0,2,20,4,91,13,69,66,17,65,4,9,4,4,17,24,0,13,31,372,130,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493597039641012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053958785434199484,0.0,0.0,0.044098908330480316,0.0,0.09921718534608404,0.0,0.0,0.04534327524735322,0.0,0.10672886512092422,0.0,0.06062418747351084,0.0,0.1218537845635852,0.04986415960012781,0.0,0.03953077888062266,0.0,0.055180927524313486,0.0,0.0,0.05735284418486411,0.0,0.07203158191135449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661682657419457,0.0,0.055860866458495535,0.0,0.07007772119646376,0.0,0.10355180726373696,0.0,0.07123255501092966,0.12546491266075527,0.0,0.11170708772543926,0.0,0.20190616165387984,0.06775242632569246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272417171511247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487227635955255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597636382141074,0.05463729212671957,0.0,0.0,0.06343385150709475,0.18339895470116888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207577219270404,0.0,0.05515973145614708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694021888061841,0.0,0.0368546500943397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468986045974942,0.0,0.0,0.06402403922544689,0.06655282395420074,0.0689304612810933,0.0,0.07684526994558054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277245638998288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527988055529885,0.21523432957771335,0.0,0.10691640276083086,0.0,0.0,0.06866473812952957,0.0,0.0,0.13741231951648758,0.03168148924090418,0.0,0.1717860899408419,0.0,0.054456042685971394,0.0,0.0,0.055131506368793715,0.2341116441000244,0.06136080761403725,0.0865731746585373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176110726068179,0.0,0.04767078971660932,0.0,0.050014825933043176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394272751929045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621290068494416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107597873659279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033510247225268,0.0,0.0,0.07325985583931614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976962722389378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127997754383041,0.0,0.0611185343654227,0.0,0.04875767487610263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616434655919239,0.041552021974631564,0.0,0.05148212047265551,0.03781342853502034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294944154131968,0.10294675205952064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011480647920681,0.2340611708644741,0.0,0.22371622520800166,0.0625112211121451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608571895299058,0.3224634364514202,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NothingButMyJeans,2019/01/18,How much Clonazepam does it take to pass out? Just be honest. How much Clonazepam does it take to pass out? 0.5 mg pills. I never took clonazepam before. How many pills would it take take to overdose/kill myself?,1.5675833333333349,4.3094819250000045,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,92.25,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.079333333333333,167,4,32,0,6,48,24,40,0.0,0.906,0.094,0.5913,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,8,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861234663815855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085124492358131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663827882893004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34316231482474585,0.0,0.18001803142732364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7019727038474501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593240013233457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165805787025138,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gegesena,2019/01/18,"Are there any online, text-based suicide hotlines? Hi. As above. I don’t want to talk on the phone. I don’t even think the words will come out anyway. I want to give myself one last try. Sorry if this is the wrong place.",-0.8401552795031044,1.2988451086956552,0.3119875776397514,104.53021739130438,97.91304347826087,2.6285714285714294,10.919254658385091,3.1291,-2.0558223602484467,169,2,40,0,7,52,38,46,0.191,0.753,0.056,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202753032736065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559118427146206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962213966114762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849903577974255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421633784352836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013120290879024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103898913253895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325615822667287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32496203582362976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23878512929310294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035964148438592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170075741648225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504560673958413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32481507531823234,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TerraTorment,2019/01/18,"I'm part of the surplus population no one wants that needs to be disposed off I'm filling for disability for my major depression and autism after my mom convinced me I needed it. I haven't been able to work because I'm garbage. I was forced out of my job in June because of extensive bullying, safety issues, and my suffering mental health. But the government has shutdown and no progress has been made on my application. I'm trying to submit paper work to get more food stamps because I lost my unemployment. I lost my shit when I got chewed out for sitting down in line. Department of Human Service treats us like garbage or criminals. Its crazy crowded there and I get anxious and nauseous.The line wraps around the building in the cold. I can't stand that long.

I'm basically a surplus population. Only the wealth and able bodied and able minded matter.I'm a piece of garbage they want to throw away since I'm not useful to anyone. I'd rather be dead. I look for work but not being able to stand all day and getting hospitalized for SI limits my options. I used to be a teacher but it was in the south and I got driven out of the profession when I came out of the closet as transgender. I'm useless, worthless and the world is better off without me.",3.3818961038961035,5.565770248979592,4.454406307977738,82.96179499072356,75.08163265306123,7.066790352504637,27.871057513914657,8.00094639256281,1.9252857142857147,1001,41,187,16,22,326,139,245,0.151,0.79,0.059,-0.9556,3,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,1,9,5,12,1,0,12,0,13,5,2,3,1,35,37,17,1,5,8,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,16,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,7,0,1,11,2,24,5,37,22,5,30,0,6,1,0,5,16,1,2,7,118,29,8,0.4928374786302271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919151756027678,0.0,0.08615085602509892,0.0,0.0,0.10968246089851263,0.0,0.0,0.11575925859770828,0.0,0.0,0.22532186446566874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896867495888657,0.0,0.13685783412541322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409186955376492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794598505722873,0.0,0.1061200495455957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898525885581848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311543110062496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708357661053688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309657984161116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859857112329673,0.12226628786750605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019387446903006,0.0,0.0,0.10903641497418393,0.10346483943966116,0.0,0.26899516303815385,0.0,0.0,0.11658368464790796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416606546180115,0.0,0.12440634031099727,0.14430132462956513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271637284164827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348985756350989,0.093706277651405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342374067371085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647264738726427,0.10192006379122584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365107432204677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820570132848174,0.2128266723693389,0.0,0.0,0.1453441569374402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876943561327527,0.0,0.2690936655816349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DongQuixote1,2019/01/18,"Does anyone else feel like - despite their best efforts - shit just gets worse, year after year? I'm sort of at the end of my rope, here, and I've been reading this subreddit for awhile as a bit of a reminder that I'm not the only hopeless failson farting around on half-empty forums for what I/we can only hope are the last part of our lives. All of the posts in here are discrete and unique but also more or less interchangeable, in a way, and its reassuringly depressing. Most don't get much of a response - I mean, what can you really even say - but the sheer volume of posts here indicates something about this sickness and its ubiquity.

Anyway, I've been suicidal for a long time, but I'd always channeled it into self-destructive behavior and hedonism. I worked retail and got addicted to opiates. A few years ago I changed those patterns, and this year I finished my master's degree and have been on suboxone for just over a year without any relapses. 

But it hasn't helped at all. I *feel* worse than I ever have, and my life is objectively worse than it has ever been. I'm in my late 20s, and I live in my parent's basement. I'm an unemployed junkie. I've put out hundreds of job applications since I graduated, just a blur of endless cover letters and sycophantic emails and nervous interviews, but none of them have come to anything. 

I went to school hoping to escape the misery I felt when I was working in a public facing position. Now that it has become clear not just prosperity, but basic solvency and happiness, are out of reach - permanently - because of my poor decision-making skills, I've really run out of reasons to keep going. The only thing that stops me from killing myself on any given day is my little pot of hash oil and my steam account, but my interest in those things is dwindling rapidly.

People have been telling me for years things will get better. I just had to do <x> life step, or <x> horrible thing that would just be a ""temporary holding pattern until better things"". But those better things are out of reach, and always will be. 

Is there anyone else out there who feels like this? Like they've taken the advice everyone gives them to no avail at all?

if anyone reads this, thanks ",6.671702127659575,6.970768491725768,6.742133333333335,76.86120000000003,65.02836879432624,9.699442080378253,32.05002364066194,9.490545024520769,2.852983810874705,1764,64,321,31,25,564,234,423,0.114,0.77,0.116,-0.5802,4,0,1,0,0,2,62.0,1,1,3,9,20,18,2,1,19,0,31,6,2,1,6,64,54,30,2,4,20,1,4,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,27,23,0,3,6,3,3,6,7,5,0,0,12,6,29,13,55,37,12,51,0,2,0,0,16,21,1,8,24,219,56,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034107833660504,0.0,0.08098009456081127,0.07345969909890937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627150978367716,0.13790979105338735,0.0,0.0,0.11270956498743605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383494359776688,0.16982124310475774,0.06819536137512297,0.07377231553916072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050517088290028614,0.0915239576524646,0.0,0.0,0.08696747819334255,0.21987667145040055,0.09047312392180196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766600191994038,0.07138559883586255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344461749939485,0.0,0.0713762411599503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252053396081863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845533990529355,0.0,0.07339866670040017,0.0,0.0,0.05473518440152773,0.14992222532844388,0.0,0.07918631513153779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570544599752098,0.1184054050781044,0.07956867687913925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988924940167487,0.07949693589015627,0.04709721552252258,0.0,0.06627911008831151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821718938406163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055546350047356016,0.0,0.0,0.16461821237200575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223618520657965,0.07365910904086206,0.09168393117303536,0.0,0.0,0.06755051896912738,0.09348153481770806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706777138753716,0.12145902264983192,0.0830580129568416,0.14635234144592388,0.07333778568459749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902702700100027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091935350532129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890802511067674,0.0,0.0,0.0920178844010214,0.08974067701219518,0.0,0.05745197108860515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873406504930007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330774258431795,0.0,0.0,0.16578585405476348,0.0,0.1061779300410926,0.08520467718593258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590194864740741,0.0,0.08386937135088089,0.0,0.0,0.0864520060245836,0.0,0.08506537849072636,0.0685513348641475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379776042765845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928344960903891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064687776899634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243247062035607,0.07629602340335333,0.0,0.0,0.3303328716892802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832245561416627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577874646319863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682178475710925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988420581279458,0.0,0.12066142355702116,0.0,0.2533563613158176,0.0588688263055394,0.0,0.0,0.32019531412620456
suicidewatch,another1337throwaway,2019/01/18,"I don't want to live anymore. That's it. I have nothing worth living for. I was less than two weeks away from having my dream job, but I went and fucked it up because I dared to show a shred of integrity. A few days ago, I woke up for the first time in about a decade thinking that maybe things will actually be okay. 

I was about to get a rewarding, extremely well-paying job, a job that would allow me to for the first time in my life be independent and live away from my parents. I was about to go on a first date with an incredible girl, someone that I actually felt a real connection with, after not having ever really dated anyone or been in any serious relationships ever. For the first time in my 22 years of life since being a kid, things were finally coming together. My life was finally getting back on track, and I finally had something I might be able to say I'm proud of.

And then I got that email. I was rejected from the job and my offer has been rescinded. All because I had the integrity to be honest about something where, while I could have admittedly handled it better on my end, ultimately someone else fucked me over. Because I dared to have integrity while applying for a job where integrity is absolutely the most important thing you can have.

But hey, fuck it, whatever. I can reapply in 6 months, or apply elsewhere. I'll have to start all over and go through that hellish application process again. But at least I have a date, right? Maybe that will at least go well, right?

And it did. In fact, it went fantastic. I seriously could not have met a more incredible girl. She had it all, she was interesting, smart, funny, absolutely stunningly gorgeous, and holy shit, we had so much in common that for a second I might have actually believed soulmates might actually be a real thing. She was so easy to talk to, for the first time I could actually talk about my hobbies to a person who actually cared and listened and knew what I was talking about, without a single awkward silence. It was what I would consider a dream date, it was just so surreal that there was no way this wasn't a dream. 

It was perfect, until the end, when reality hit. She told me she had just recently gotten out of a very long relationship with her high school sweetheart, and wasn't ready for another relationship yet and she would prefer to just be friends. I tried to be as understanding as possible, but I'm genuinely hurt. I thought maybe I had something, maybe for the first time in my life I didn't have to be alone anymore. But why the fuck *would* anything nice ever happen? Why *would* I ever get a win in life?

I just don't get it. What did I do wrong? What cosmic power did I piss off so much that I'm not allowed to have even one nice thing happen to me? I just want one thing I can be proud of, a good job, a group of close friends, a supportive girlfriend, literally any kind of emotional connection to another human besides my parents, and I have nothing. I have nothing to be proud of. Nothing, no one, to live for. I'm a failure, and I wish I had the balls to just put a 9mm round through my skull without worrying about how it would affect my parents afterwards. I keep hearing that same bullshit. ""You're so young, it'll get better, just wait."" And it means nothing to me. It's all just words that mean nothing. It's been years, and I haven't had a single win. Why the fuck would it get better? I'm tired of fucking waiting because that's all I've been doing for years. I've had the patience of a fucking saint and not one tiny thing has improved, and I just want it all to be done.",3.6058514165159714,5.19803143037975,4.763013612618046,83.52787183544305,72.95218002812939,8.116546112115733,28.026948965240106,8.738905477910976,2.084312618042998,2821,109,570,54,56,928,278,711,0.109,0.7,0.191,0.9968,11,2,3,0,0,1,94.0,1,1,0,17,35,41,10,1,40,1,86,16,3,5,12,98,138,38,0,15,22,3,2,0,4,13,6,3,0,5,44,25,0,3,9,5,1,7,14,16,1,12,43,5,66,25,88,66,17,82,2,2,1,7,38,28,9,6,46,414,110,7,0.04571345056092736,0.0,0.26765840101766697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052221573048625,0.0,0.0,0.047345348325766326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062173427924889925,0.09586907748462488,0.0,0.0,0.0906709187716927,0.031963907522867416,0.0,0.03761827477322501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589858319352882,0.035150821758448594,0.0,0.11146598066013326,0.0,0.0,0.05150340462129528,0.0,0.1212894964709522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660790948863791,0.0,0.0,0.039378089912700406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949541160672173,0.0,0.0,0.02948139383238982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04678073129486458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038187722121798114,0.05142147901881045,0.08097709745200497,0.0,0.0,0.03019330296167225,0.16540173270717815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389208136483783,0.1502305519010558,0.0,0.2333030261663866,0.0,0.0,0.07063619701251085,0.2958294389879404,0.14330034698995234,0.0,0.07794002226196979,0.038342273470534184,0.03656122241675615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084850672007833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152238113455397,0.0,0.0,0.048298770360216035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048937194293545566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721812758835042,0.04063221526473061,0.0,0.04760352418390629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614438101926372,0.0,0.0,0.16146325741814968,0.0404549652280232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370122157528387,0.09959069803619386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548424102536206,0.0,0.0,0.036488040105974257,0.0,0.06720929203863382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631797322707357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390646869393487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227813107730906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03991522177981622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051535046935284615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595464395349895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406382937261273,0.02928520698913065,0.0,0.04513651751714822,0.14723741436342808,0.0,0.07807807400996324,0.0,0.036353170689604926,0.0,0.046264452492306984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046924200080855696,0.03781463869376277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746571662903927,0.10557734279678678,0.0,0.0,0.03235621559286317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187508196764232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022821989842678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258989708104106,0.02929133329120961,0.0,0.03629137350339808,0.13327940319954046,0.052540886699548095,0.0,0.043681161017852334,0.0,0.03103643222116598,0.0,0.04465539877386608,0.0475893142053478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03771838421260141,0.08088893260649639,0.03628520926928582,0.0366685726471449,0.0,0.08220376403796684,0.08475365330688589,0.1237478365765412,0.0,0.05256821211748817,0.08813227010489308,0.0,0.0,0.046424228028317374,0.0,0.22731466586858176,0.04998048197068125,0.0,0.08831389016066299
suicidewatch,ffgto1990,2019/01/18,"Hairloss made me suicidal I've suffered on and on with depression since I was 16. I thought I could win it. I started hitting the gym, graduated, got a girlfriend and friends.
And the boom.
I'm only 21 now, but most of my hair has disappeared troughout last year. Shaving my head and moving on is not an option, my headshape is really odd, I'd look like a rotten egg. I've always had thick long curls that girls loved but now I look disgusting and I try to avoid mirrors as much as possible. 
I started withdrawing from most social activities, I feel so embarassed. When I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself anymore, I don't wanna live in this body, I can't do it anymore.
Don't say people won't care, last week I went to a dinner and this girl next to me kept teasing one of my friend because he was balding. 
The next day I visited a female friend and she told me she broke up with her boyfriend because he was balding.
Tried infinite products, nothing really worked.

Hairloss is the only thing I think about. I'm just a shell of what I once was. My youth has been ruined. It could have all just been so much better. I can't do this anymore.",2.2522077922077948,4.3916858008658055,3.6253463203463214,87.7723051948052,78.43722943722943,6.451082251082251,26.084415584415584,7.520522993642371,1.4286519480519482,904,36,181,13,22,296,136,231,0.155,0.738,0.107,-0.8629,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,8,16,2,1,11,0,23,8,5,1,1,27,41,14,1,3,5,0,3,1,4,1,0,2,0,2,9,9,2,2,3,1,0,4,7,8,0,2,13,9,29,8,19,24,5,26,0,4,3,1,17,7,0,3,16,115,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024923287938068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36647258588065773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017393567721474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893919342612557,0.0,0.13682080716585907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558617723801202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669208251935694,0.0,0.0,0.07943835266760306,0.0,0.10609133870994997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228150447206695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854964979579768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851512777221756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641414850207108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080981770745807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017758898439109,0.0,0.1087666958570936,0.10900691511432584,0.31031054091755034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111711809693107,0.11655214287023975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091663200267414,0.18109711751956648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619982218806588,0.0,0.0,0.11819072794380005,0.0,0.0,0.13117845756071514,0.08346726933829837,0.1873618507366485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539475356591761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886247225831247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578194446281874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979545271924585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189248926395184,0.0,0.0,0.12556245606169894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436926353400342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347345903357279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183268458310212,0.07892622978819289,0.0,0.0977880131293964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176999803195949,0.0,0.16725688495911156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988043856515788,0.0,0.0,0.11418541876848567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967362071593278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932132824650799
suicidewatch,katboopla,2019/01/18,"i wrote this email to my friend a few months ago. i still feel the same way i felt and i don't know what to do disclaimer: please don't be affected by how i think. don't end up thinking negatively. i'm not proud of feeling this way.

 hi, i've been planning to write this email for a while now but i've always been unsure how to start.

 i have felt this way for months now; this feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness. i don't really know what to do about it so i just continued to act like usual. i always try to please everyone because i like seeing people happy and satisfied. i don't mind doing things for people as long as i help them out (for a good cause, of course). i'm not sure if the sentences above will be relevant later on but anyways, the main thing is, i feel like life is pointless.

 pointlessness. that's the main problem(?) i'm dealing with. everything i do will be forgotten soon after i die. what's the point of doing anything if no one's going to care afterwards? i think it's wrong that i always look for some sort of validation. i guess you can say that i should publish my experiences or thoughts in some way- e.g. a book- but what's the point? i don't mind being forgotten, as long as the people around me appreciates my existence. what i'm dealing with here is frustrating. 

 i'm losing motivation in doing anything. i still study but i don't see the importance anymore. sure, it's to get a good job but so what? all we're doing here is working until we die. sure sounds great, doesn't it? look at it this way, everything that we do is all for naught. sign me off, please. 

 i've heard it all before. ""it's for your happiness!"" ""to fulfil your dreams!"" ""everything has a meaning."" yeah? no. i haven't been genuinely happy for ages now. i act like i am but really, i'm just so tired and demotivated. i know that people mean well when they say all of this but it's been repeated over and over that it lost all meaning. 

 i do try to enjoy life. i find some way to distract myself from overthinking. all i (*slightly*) like doing nowadays is knitting and reading but that doesn't really distract me from the fact that i am meaningless and tiny. nothing i do makes an impact. even if i work myself out and help some good cause, i would still feel empty.

 this is why i want to end game. nothing matters. i don't really want to work myself out. i just want to rest. i received life, i'm not happy with it, i should be able to end it.

 that is all. thanks for reading (and caring)

take care x

p.s. i noticed that some of my points are contradicting but who cares.",0.8667148962148978,3.2972392038461567,2.5605860805860807,91.4056837606838,86.76923076923076,5.763125763125764,19.98473748473749,7.20055510434128,0.5572942612942615,2006,61,423,32,63,658,217,520,0.135,0.6729999999999999,0.192,0.9892,1,0,0,0,0,0,84.0,2,3,2,8,23,32,1,2,16,1,50,4,0,7,11,94,95,34,2,10,19,0,7,5,1,5,4,4,0,0,38,18,0,0,19,5,0,4,17,7,1,1,10,15,56,25,57,75,17,51,0,2,4,0,23,15,0,11,31,285,94,9,0.06326416412427299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056079864354931626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792255761375185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274105122326852,0.0,0.0,0.10412203323629513,0.05631851885228824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038565247253415036,0.0,0.05383314404389507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25800812664084605,0.12997944694335434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044515058400155,0.0,0.0,0.13131642847520866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809981484605852,0.0,0.0,0.041785383745540236,0.0,0.0,0.060451619946935486,0.1705732542541352,0.0618844919548671,0.0,0.0,0.1599413112833778,0.04519593149115833,0.12148703741014268,0.0,0.057822299882616515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488777362688689,0.0,0.033052914622851384,0.0,0.03595448239505871,0.1591889379585105,0.0,0.0697489642891301,0.06969260924781638,0.0,0.0,0.2693835164105615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480927132230857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627799210726755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430499030562487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405605019374564,0.1545383749737836,0.0,0.0,0.11197358888567337,0.1062519287550112,0.07077641730859613,0.06906030844236853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222932080723761,0.0,0.0,0.20673966376970213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775754235915573,0.0,0.10099370445732472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140734344236362,0.07202667016754134,0.0,0.0,0.042869434900043836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754376228105331,0.0,0.0,0.20833516300956093,0.17941525164723415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06053526105493812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656256861111564,0.0,0.16211457403806045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062040509847793,0.0,0.0,0.10082669593620903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044778700986026175,0.0,0.1515685295738902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887717795949562,0.0,0.047566778099083634,0.0,0.0,0.058245142517120214,0.0,0.0,0.08405979906237189,0.12161136562754413,0.0,0.05022467963896558,0.0,0.07271285012635048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590442934316476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967653888910172,0.0,0.11194452935540627,0.30129689266437937,0.0,0.0,0.056882081268396,0.0,0.05708606801089981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817119486508678,0.0,0.0,0.044941047056340236,0.06916943209502716,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unchainedboar,2019/01/18,"Is there anyway to kill myself so I can donate organs So I'm going to kill myself I have decided but I figured of I. An organ donar at least that's something good I can do well ending my own suffering

Is there any reason they won't take my organs if I shoot myself in the head ",0.8399999999999999,2.7999216666666698,3.4533333333333367,88.11500000000002,82.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,16.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.14583333333333304,220,4,45,2,6,77,45,60,0.198,0.703,0.099,-0.7543,0,0,1,1,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,2,0,7,1,1,1,0,5,10,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,12,2,5,9,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027807014918014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264109494588666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946931528007034,0.2501091984356491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060308937027648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6598102612095648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065909128843127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956267490817794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420318073160755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681103084266677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anthrthrowawayreddit,2019/01/18,"Nobody came to my birthday party I didn’t do anything for my 18th, and I haven’t been able to spend as much time as I want to with friends this year. So around mid-October, I started messaging people, letting them know I was planning dinner and a movie in my local city. 


All chirpily agreed, excited, and I felt so happy. I planned tickets, I looked up restaurants, I did everything I could to make sure it was fun and affordable. 


Then December came, and half of them couldn’t make it. It would be a small party of 4, me included. I checked in a week before and all three were coming.


The night before, I messaged each of the people to check what time they’d be making it to the city.


One had forgotten, and the other messaged on the morning saying he wanted to see his girlfriend instead. I spent the day with my mum and my boyfriend, trying to look happy for them.


The next morning, I woke up to a rejection letter from a really great uni. I kinda humiliated myself too, by asking nasty old teachers for references and telling a few people I hoped to get in. I kept it quiet, so there’s less of a shit sandwich to eat, but it makes me feel so stupid.

I needed a win so badly and I still haven’t had it. All I do is eat, I’m now at a BMI of 25, I feel lonely and rejected and I want to cry. I need to lose weight for a knee problem, but I’m so lost as to do that. 


Suicide always sits in the back of my mind, whether I’m happy or sad. The past years have been so shit. It would be so easy to leave",2.2762500000000045,3.6328678173076914,3.8759179487179516,89.50241538461539,75.9551282051282,6.658666666666668,24.018461538461537,7.24861992348623,0.8628098461538465,1157,36,253,13,25,386,172,312,0.179,0.695,0.126,-0.9745,1,3,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,4,5,15,21,3,0,19,0,25,8,3,4,4,50,55,28,1,11,4,1,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,12,19,5,1,5,1,4,3,4,11,0,3,16,9,37,10,41,30,7,30,0,6,3,0,16,11,2,3,15,174,49,0,0.10805446651236016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899099722011199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891961910244706,0.09619138407323792,0.10101633990827627,0.0,0.0,0.08308721494383672,0.09022096609973927,0.0,0.0,0.18389278482901208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717104730361694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930793551040632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627269903815657,0.0,0.11869275761696815,0.06968619177749165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113339013856406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711238710908757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927116988419593,0.0,0.10374923305501717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348261278675605,0.0,0.05645399896907016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191304307956542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450779666011434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732246626662953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938390892676485,0.0,0.0,0.11441407820329258,0.0,0.11049301292297713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147707531517107,0.12088530876522367,0.11795421451013954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885087818147353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091042083116076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943246579284989,0.16024203553148272,0.0,0.0,0.11491715098709067,0.10140179701154477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338498588699633,0.0,0.07322050298034855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315021490378552,0.2247340852605472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339353137787084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922245814056441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859292487593468,0.0,0.0,0.08610541995141091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218327141810601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648150755073549,0.0,0.0862924365364154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819404841493435,0.0,0.10184005591581513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094444366425203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260148567487174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336188988042742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191199971831046,0.0,0.08667477529127013,0.13158123016929113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535175855525625,0.0,0.0,0.13916706745823074
suicidewatch,RocketMan3411,2019/01/18,Help me please I’ve been cutting my legs with a knife. I need help,-1.3520000000000003,0.6377088000000022,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,94.33333333333334,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.8083333333333331,52,1,14,0,2,16,13,15,0.087,0.465,0.448,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7113095684958097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934384743570297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824473063393101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daily_Hope,2019/01/18,"Constant anxiety I had my first anxiety attack when i was 15. My entire body went numb. I had a hard time breathing. It was the most scared i had ever been at the time.

For a while I had been coping fine. I felt a little more normal around 19.

I am 23 now going through a lot of changes and gaining responsibilities at work I never asked for. I’m also not getting paid more for these responsibilities.
I feel like I am stuck where I don’t belong. But at the same time I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.
I fantasize going to sleep and not waking up. 
I don’t like these thoughts but I can’t shake them. 
I have quit talking to my family and just about all of my friends. 
I get drunk almost every night. Searching for something but not sure what exactly.
I want to move away from where I am now.
Somewhere thats always warm. 

Anyone else with anxiety have any advice on how to feel like a normal human?",1.072224824355974,3.455819360655738,2.8970960187353647,89.81295081967217,84.90163934426229,5.234348165495707,19.643247462919593,6.655083550727371,0.2365640905542543,705,20,146,8,21,234,109,183,0.118,0.772,0.11,0.1681,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,11,12,1,2,8,0,17,6,4,1,5,30,32,10,0,3,7,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,5,1,1,5,8,4,0,1,13,6,25,8,21,19,6,27,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,3,16,103,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053535417735193,0.0,0.0,0.13376366100921858,0.0,0.0,0.10682594344198894,0.1111514102157537,0.0,0.0,0.09084073724908996,0.0,0.30657093131673824,0.0,0.0,0.09340404805238664,0.13687114244396886,0.0,0.1189168201101102,0.1248816828740936,0.1519694728826312,0.12550523409098746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483801357849709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131266050002486,0.0,0.0,0.14435531624765752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159110723630453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083309416000465,0.11254908763023894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125929770800029,0.0,0.20263010316672564,0.2862942721703647,0.12826022832119624,0.0,0.0,0.1136252769430776,0.0,0.0,0.103205572336147,0.0,0.13958277250257442,0.0,0.151836120773677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966375616314727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610468103405317,0.13388484166867326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135671351921552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419771454024508,0.0,0.0,0.10302712319076264,0.0,0.0,0.12535820510580034,0.2617651383376742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208152013065728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337394693518567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367905484266415,0.0,0.0,0.10283839872392972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590000368560972,0.0,0.0,0.10736862027643697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604964966105672,0.23367923534262305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879046851701148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383239283914575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972497114567548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DisastrousSurround,2019/01/18,"I wish I never met my boyfriend He is the perfect man for me in almost every way. Kind, adorable, funny, driven, passionate. He's survived so much but he's still the gentlest soul I've ever known.  


Last night we cuddled in bed and I asked him what he would do if ""something ever happened to me"". He knows me well enough to understand what I meant by that. He told me he'd probably survive long enough for the funeral but wouldn't be able to go on living much longer.  He's had his fair share of challenges in life and my death would be breaking point for him.

​

I've made a huge mistake in dating this wonderful, perfect man when I know what's coming for me. I can't kill myself as long as he cares about me, but I don't know how long I can hold on.",2.901666666666672,4.146357038216564,3.7927547770700656,91.17325106157114,74.15923566878979,6.507218683651806,25.18524416135881,6.816661863887847,0.8115779193205945,593,19,129,5,12,190,98,157,0.065,0.66,0.275,0.9866,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,0,6,8,12,1,0,4,0,12,3,0,2,5,29,28,11,3,6,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,6,0,22,10,18,16,4,24,1,0,0,2,19,8,0,3,11,78,27,1,0.14443850148103493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463429513494494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649905600893285,0.17550858888127424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503050112029652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472646785814193,0.0,0.0,0.12442097956694965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984871657502301,0.0,0.0,0.2613057876997292,0.12169566707925927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082087728978245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277264898442027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979980154438406,0.15041047249705028,0.2381388690624933,0.11773665665703298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202118515001947,0.0,0.0,0.12754184304377214,0.3834705857884277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366712024782165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235783579109,0.0,0.11139987669334307,0.0,0.0,0.13554574910752296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654107054911416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572913411242392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119581506682094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534877386157305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801717794112625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503655739391011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464855941679945,0.0,0.0,0.1298675591981352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609714844577994,0.0,0.15663739352221834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520993461813336,0.0,0.17550858888127424,0.0
suicidewatch,stop1it1,2019/01/18,"Plastic bag? I have lots of plastic bags around my house, when you put one over your head, how much time does it take for you to die? ",2.727857142857143,3.5052760714285762,2.5128571428571442,101.98214285714286,74.0,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.6442000000000001,102,2,26,0,2,30,26,28,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025353181568719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35270687402281714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297401845860403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487804181209237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921370787585413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28892522811919746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24982618289729502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302886935060636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34163946493313696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25552217350827755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981671495127836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nohahsalah,2019/01/18,I can't find i reason to live I feel bored meaningless and i can't find any motivation to live. I feel alone all the time.,-1.3083333333333336,0.7220321481481484,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,97.88888888888887,5.662962962962964,14.157407407407408,7.1686216300943375,-0.2589925925925929,96,2,24,2,4,33,17,27,0.361,0.639,0.0,-0.7927,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209213451557046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071531658515866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133488904607622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5664125599172309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472238308114263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185875223592848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068176439233632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScubaDuba672,2019/01/18,"I can’t stop coming back to here, the end I try to so hard to do things, accomplish things, put myself out there, open myself up, but at the end of it I’m alone and it all means nothing, it feels pointless. Even when I have intense joy it fades so fast because it’s just me. 
Everything goes along ok for a while and bam, suidical intent sneaks back into my psyche. Is it that once you look into the abyss you can’t unlock? ",2.4111688311688297,3.761470636363637,3.3924025974025973,93.1318181818182,75.5909090909091,5.9376623376623385,20.525974025974023,6.18269132825596,-0.01419350649350637,328,7,73,2,7,105,66,88,0.062,0.812,0.126,0.7793,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,1,1,15,10,7,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,11,10,1,17,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,9,52,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497602187156856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36375731869797934,0.0,0.14418783197161464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375154385471828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189946404027735,0.0,0.0,0.15622728543087125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125798871164491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959778587757007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118863889902412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986274734519028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25765290448863243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22695902247635,0.0,0.0,0.25189907039147763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377801887693745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977515080300816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31428296318519466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058983548527414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MegaManXXII,2019/01/18,I feel like I’m spread to thin. It’s been three years since my abusive ex girlfriend left and my father past away. But looking back I don’t think I’ve ever been truly happy. I’ve tried many times to commit suicide but I end up just waking up. I don’t really have friends or anything like that anymore. Just seeing people out in public doing things I can’t do anymore is really dejecting. I wish someone was lying next to me but I know that isn’t gonna happen because no one will accept me for me or they cheat. So I think this year might be my last... idk if it will be soon or not but. I’m just getting tired of people saying it will get better or telling my to go do things I can’t do because I’m in pain. I’m just so tired.,0.7986286919831187,2.565183462025317,2.7825569620253177,93.87404641350214,81.46835443037975,4.972827004219409,19.39409282700422,5.6839178017228535,-0.2462950210970467,569,14,128,3,15,191,95,158,0.198,0.653,0.149,-0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,1,9,8,1,0,0,0,20,4,1,0,2,25,36,12,1,2,14,2,2,2,2,5,3,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,3,5,17,6,12,26,0,19,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,6,12,80,25,0,0.0,0.17409881385691856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29144822039170704,0.0,0.0,0.12091836484495347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805412774607756,0.11298710309312865,0.0,0.17914543128989732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995569905449236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301444347569618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291483449228522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429682740694779,0.10497332723330637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352478938903986,0.0,0.15353923719429866,0.0,0.08350888058804605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993776683914104,0.1564194114737776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075389028885788,0.1197749837154546,0.0,0.0,0.15964976943906112,0.0,0.0,0.14357405076959173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339184212357393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897319125575398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587917168401413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627140703324527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995697415584761,0.0,0.15635356957613353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027000391444594,0.2037381505448808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826590877006888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685187540405825,0.0,0.0,0.11709144382205422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154954754349842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450102832723442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072753361969608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843125591660226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523962673203424,0.18830529294887025,0.0,0.0,0.08568137480813064,0.3377697752229302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976200815768788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897272111462114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189247934338638
suicidewatch,DangerousFeeling,2019/01/18,I have no reson to stay alive The only reason i am still around is because i am a coward but the feeling of wanting out is growing stronger and stronger.,4.856129032258064,5.430398000000004,5.300161290322581,84.6702419354839,69.0,6.2,34.854838709677416,3.1291,1.8007935483870972,122,6,23,0,2,39,25,31,0.1,0.556,0.344,0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39124902426553004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679156992397446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222488536496185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33426027642277506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518801744017323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684495342238719,0.350986025636789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259229046825848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heltarot,2019/01/18,"I overdosed and now I need help. At about 2pm, I took 3x 30mg codiene, 20x 300mg gabapentin, 1mg lorazepam. At about 550pm I took another 4xcodiene 30mg and 3xgabapentin 300mg. I zoned out and fell asleep, hoping I wouldn’t wake up. 

Lo and behold, I woke up. Sweating, dry lips and angry. But my stomach is killing me. The monster inside me is killing me. My boyfriend caught me out, noticing my change in behaviour. I was high as a kite, but in pain. And we argued. I didn’t mean to hurt him. 

Should I go to the hospital? Just in case? Or will I be okay to keep drinking water and go to bed. I have work in the morning. 

Any advice would help greatly. 
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suicidewatch,oclenbo,2019/01/18,"I wish I did want to die You people here did make me jealous, who,  at least have attempted to do it.  

The thought ""Ah, I want to die"" cross me everyday,  yet,  so manh years,  i still stuck around.  

Everything I done is just mistakes follow mistakes,  I dont know how to get it right, i dont know how to fix myself. That what I would told myself, but I know better that I just to lazy to try to change it. 

I have some friends, but none that close that I could go out with, even talk honestly to. I have a loving family but I am just a burden to them. I lie lazily on my bed while my peers are trying their best and left me behind.

Many times I tried to go close to the egde of a rooftop, may times I hold a knife, point it to my torso, to my throat, many times try to make a knot, but everytime I always be a coward. 

My future will be just a fuck up consequences of my fuck up now, just worse and worse. The sooner I be gone, the less burden to my parents, the less pain I make and I will have to received, basically, I running away from my punishment.  

Yet, I can bring myself to kill me. 

My biggest regret that, I still alive. 
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suicidewatch,mjs78mc,2019/01/18,"I hate myself and just want my life to end!!! I turn 40 in about a week, I am married with 3 kids. My wife wants nothing to do with me. She actually told me that she has been thinking of a divorce because she is so unhappy. I have been unhappy for years because all of her time is devoted to everyone else in her life. Even when we get alone time together she spends most of it on her phone texting friends. I am not even allowed to rubber her back or sit next to her because she says ""she does not feel like it"". All of the things have put me in a dark place. Part of me wants to keep fighting the feelings of ending myself but most of me just wants the pain of being lonely all of the time to stop. ",3.2220408163265333,3.7859085170068014,4.3511632653061225,90.04919387755105,72.6734693877551,7.5126530612244915,26.944897959183674,7.554174236665415,1.2024318367346931,540,18,124,6,10,177,87,147,0.15,0.8170000000000001,0.033,-0.9524,1,3,0,0,3,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,7,0,11,3,0,1,3,25,23,5,0,4,6,1,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,3,3,26,3,24,19,6,18,0,1,0,0,20,5,0,3,12,90,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.1542094305542631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366605741385445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151133354174755,0.0,0.2889913935930105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828858631705826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320094611678911,0.0,0.27992617542058434,0.0,0.0,0.2087478086352834,0.0,0.0,0.15099948907041702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980419585938244,0.11289296414582585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208958519219865,0.0,0.08256144706659238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601679537768173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404597222648452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232352097299468,0.07720294570533437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806119055378868,0.0,0.0,0.15162907830498004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814955179042734,0.0,0.0,0.1711254824165681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651023047323712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885859248464745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566768081041946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211582676403918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498466973194427,0.1012559249365257,0.0,0.0,0.27643663287954706,0.0,0.0,0.15099948907041702,0.0,0.0,0.17188562796130855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728285363123463,0.0,0.1267579799996027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017628040810769
suicidewatch,elxrmusic,2019/01/18,"Kinda frustrated by my lack of options I feel like if my family had a household gun, I would have pulled the trigger by now. There aren’t really any tall buildings or bridges where I live, and I don’t have any meds or anything like that either. I don’t like the idea of drowning or hanging or anything like that because of the chance of failure. I just wish there was a more convenient way, as I don’t see myself going through the trouble of buying a firearm or driving a few hours to get to a jumping location. I guess I’m just too lazy to do it.",5.993038348082592,5.1069123893805335,6.4788938053097365,82.15633480825959,66.69911504424778,9.303244837758113,35.64749262536873,8.344100000000001,2.7064997050147492,432,19,90,5,6,141,71,113,0.14300000000000002,0.728,0.129,-0.3832,1,0,0,2,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,19,17,8,1,4,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,4,2,0,0,2,2,11,4,12,14,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,6,63,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043225012614769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682630298576905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639913051374195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093654671727832,0.0,0.11313738324521512,0.15985080343564373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690288891127615,0.0,0.12716527148217305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464916467972171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22035386039058374,0.0,0.0,0.25259245450982065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372620735745782,0.0,0.1975799951816957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24854165337618006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334335001857795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830397362556166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776065115303796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25730750792387164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894931782964658,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Toasterattack,2019/01/18,"i cant take care of myself i cant clean my room or myself
i cant do my work on time
i cant sleep
i cant learn
i cant eat well or regularly
im incapable of taking care of myself

but the funny thing is that i actually am capable but if i pretend im not then i have an excuse xdddd im a piece of shit and i deserve every consequence that's coming to me. i want to die i want to die holy fuck.",-3.2409122807017567,-1.7188497578947377,1.5368421052631582,95.32456140350878,104.47368421052632,4.63859649122807,13.701754385964911,6.42735559955562,-0.5612245614035092,303,7,79,5,15,118,55,95,0.307,0.5760000000000001,0.117,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,3,0,10,4,2,0,0,11,18,7,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,7,2,1,0,0,0,18,3,8,18,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,2,52,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.17498363786041365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656431417530184,0.0,0.0,0.15446228622872096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721972024416026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834819813917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107895008234526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577199431438716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810664841647774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840622346084196,0.0,0.0,0.17944251418528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26964214520929985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912760045375714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455886190031184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152692590726954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122393643343594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054201159734752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,43mas,2019/01/18,"I’m suicidal and I can’t talk to anyone about it Every time I bring it up I always end up feeling like the bad guy because I have difficulty bringing it up before I snap, for example I brought it up to my girlfriend because she’s been busy the last few days and her behaviour was telling me she didn’t care so I brought it up, she already knew I’ve been suicidal before and even recently, anyway now her feelings are hurt because she says she’s only been busy for a few days and I made her feel like shit for it and I’m the bad guy and I can’t help but think about how the bad guys always die in movies, people either don’t care or they celebrate, I basically just want advice or comfort if anyone’s willing to give it",2.6278070175438586,3.990165815789478,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,75.05263157894737,7.171929824561403,26.48245614035088,7.793537801064563,1.4285903508771938,572,21,122,8,12,192,86,152,0.162,0.6970000000000001,0.14,-0.6757,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,1,0,5,0,11,1,1,2,0,20,27,12,3,2,6,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,9,4,21,5,14,17,3,17,0,1,0,0,18,6,1,3,9,77,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892059034095418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558817256344006,0.0,0.2195528638590197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449722055816492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33046842862462633,0.2412701373088399,0.0,0.22452563694440336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26902310834582266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016803143874834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369226397060308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685093099204362,0.0,0.0,0.08713860268670015,0.0,0.11115681962997022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012350436197104,0.18850181399536395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655939661270332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918946945665189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842998119757549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412339264624442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754065959750196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890878914688508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483547333355655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033880435557783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146373647949227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130265081352008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491612994923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542437647273695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886202852175639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604043630452424,0.11531274349423995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453549640019453,0.0,0.0,0.07692951630014075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781580536911632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,314159265358abc,2019/01/18,"2 weeks 2 weeks and im od'ing on my antidepressants

Fuck everyone.",0.30128205128205465,1.7953586153846146,2.4384615384615387,85.29820512820513,116.69230769230768,7.887179487179487,19.71794871794872,7.793537801064563,2.054917948717949,54,2,11,2,3,18,11,13,0.28,0.72,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071408745219375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939071662942132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602431051005418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835566815144056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sheeptopia,2019/01/18,"I am almost to safety. I left Los Angeles recently to go back to my small college town where I was greeted by no one. It reminded myself of the time I had no one around before my boyfriend moved in. I'm convinced that I can't ever live on my own without being on the brink of wanting to kill myself. I have been alone for two weeks. I haven't been able to clean my apartment and eat food properly. I go into anxiety attacks where I am paralyzed in the thought that I'm in danger. My sleeping habits are shit right now. Tomorrow, he's coming back, and I feel so relieved. I feel so relieved that I didn't do it yet, but I still need to make it through tonight.  I need to make it. ",2.5709539052496813,3.8117389507042283,4.069897567221513,88.87593469910374,74.98591549295773,7.135467349551858,27.697823303457106,7.686295010490155,1.5071323943661967,529,21,115,7,11,176,88,142,0.114,0.802,0.084,-0.4539,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,4,0,3,0,13,4,2,2,1,17,26,5,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,5,2,0,3,0,0,4,6,4,0,3,6,2,21,3,20,19,1,30,1,0,0,0,1,15,1,1,11,83,28,1,0.17252985540157914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276372829870332,0.17868889791407938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198486714722732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358814976089052,0.0,0.19627761773791955,0.0,0.2653296183428072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468101995224509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861919359103312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654111420143515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606313173136013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447255766632475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086237859896777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610538555359086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087872257712155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874541927093596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234702321307445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033003639367464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337193216657008,0.0,0.2558574033248221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23382139025572615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035241805221651,0.0,0.0,0.1473395538258344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709941724907866,0.0,0.0,0.17265445439979293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778256538960082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696943341699366,0.10060354613300494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685365991588511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176257881026746,0.0,0.1383930431626965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663126238648748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e_hs__,2019/01/18,"What do I do now? I have a detailed plan and I could carry it out.. but I can’t tell my therapist that without risking being hospitalized.

If hospitalization was helpful, I would be more than open to it; I do want to get better. I really, really do. But in my city the only inpatient treatment that tends to have room does absolutely nothing to help. (Seriously, it even makes most people feel worse!)

I don’t know how to get professional help without being sent away to a hospital where I would just be wasting time and money. But without professional help, I might attempt again. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t have friends or family I can turn to, either. This sucks.",2.736095126247797,5.141532580152674,4.733893129770991,79.07104521432768,78.16030534351145,8.000234879624193,25.344098649442163,8.841846274778883,2.214060011743981,532,20,100,13,13,182,79,131,0.126,0.758,0.116,-0.3284,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,1,1,3,0,22,0,0,2,0,25,33,8,0,5,10,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,2,1,15,2,15,23,3,10,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,4,3,79,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366793385073724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446535796637884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305875917249397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313052995612785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802838206996307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418773431479535,0.0,0.08269973629683725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636434789070988,0.0,0.17090439619496636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385173735042868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797741751542881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917609924322412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350897531368725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693811696644638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439307447171227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133903822795759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31433793781710945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429567232850832,0.0,0.0,0.1899032080088691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537186646438488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790391584116724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647062604068847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729916378975022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667936781639145,0.23237353193123075,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trash123423,2019/01/18,"I'm the worst man society could produce I've been contemplating suicide for awhile and really feel like I should go through with it. I never tried at anything and am really insecure. I've girls have been interested in me before but I was too insecure. I even dated a guy for awhile online, and that was my only relationship. I lost 90 pounds because I wanted people to like me. I got really fit and still didn't act on anything. The one time I tried to be friends with someone It ended really awkwardly after going on a trip. Now I'm 3 years out of highschool and realize highschool was really all I ever was. Now I wake up in my cluttered room and just wait for the next day. I gained weight and my hair is disgusting. The few times I've met up with people from highschool they've said I look homeless or like I stopped trying. I don't know where to go because I have zero social skills. Even talking online over the mic scares me enough to not do it. I feel like there's no hope for me so I'm planning on killing myself in the next few months",3.223171476137626,4.819067316037739,4.524472807991124,84.83584350721422,73.95283018867924,7.629744728079911,25.206437291897892,8.313332769828598,1.5638559378468369,829,27,167,14,17,274,125,212,0.16,0.71,0.13,-0.7872,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,5,11,15,2,4,8,0,16,3,2,1,3,29,33,10,2,4,4,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,1,3,4,11,1,2,4,0,0,5,5,8,0,2,11,6,24,7,26,19,5,35,0,1,1,0,9,14,0,2,20,108,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981604580526247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542546438467372,0.0,0.10847903239578614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178516707476164,0.0,0.0,0.08221628338924203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129125038999662,0.13172448966527767,0.0,0.16840324218502933,0.1153160855168316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891893272283553,0.1821484144559488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849340272267854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735535959001506,0.0,0.10196016648204266,0.0,0.0,0.12622866545419625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661983781210992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104155704075136,0.0,0.07006157404429737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24912791081277155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705399643880482,0.0,0.1391632528591326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175607919782097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983231012249589,0.0,0.2711602057982065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638608983192543,0.0969569137526902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767619549843269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083458351086725,0.0,0.0,0.1368695235784422,0.0,0.0,0.12126596112446986,0.0,0.1276331802306782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995333014789442,0.10801631950533076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018084535208832,0.10658187847083968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944621067014226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246637383320438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867325806507448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596586974205018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519304598281397,0.0,0.0,0.15524050651018256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209516666608346
suicidewatch,leaderoftheratpack,2019/01/18,"Used Up and Worthless I feel like I’m at the point in my life with people that I love where I’m out of things to offer. I feel like a stick of gum, chewed for so long I’ve got no flavor left. I almost want ppl to spit me out cause I feel like that’s what I deserve, and it just feels like the time. My anxiety is a clock that’s got an alarm going off, telling me that it’s time to move on like I always do and take the burden of caring for me off of my friends lives. It feels like everything I do is turning out for the worse. I try to be more vulnerable with my best friends? I get too emotional, cry (which I haven’t done in front of people in years, Jesus) feel like shit afterwards, and just make them uncomfortable. I try to make space for my friends to feel ok talking to me about emotional or important things? They feel like I’m invading their lives and trying to find out everything about them.  I try to just hang out and have fun? It feels forced, and they always seem like their just biding their time until they can go hang out with someone better. And on top of everything so many moments of potential fun are spoiled by my fucking depressive episodes. I just feel like at this point I’m at best tolerable but annoying, and it’s taking everything in me not to cut so many ties and distance myself from ppl so I don’t have to make them feel like they need to include me in shit anymore. If I didn’t feel responsible for my younger sister, I would have been dead a long time ago. But now I’m back stuck in this place of feeling hopelessly alone but too afraid to end it all. ",3.916801552106428,4.550946567073172,4.506862527716186,89.30532150776054,71.13414634146342,8.158758314855879,25.88470066518847,8.296473431620573,1.3017939024390244,1246,36,281,18,22,397,154,328,0.128,0.705,0.16699999999999998,0.3656,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,10,4,16,33,5,2,8,1,16,7,3,5,1,55,53,20,1,4,11,1,13,11,3,1,1,0,0,0,16,19,1,0,15,0,0,6,5,11,0,0,6,14,41,22,54,45,4,48,1,3,0,2,18,27,3,4,26,170,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060477995737103926,0.0,0.06831821634249596,0.0706612835107928,0.0,0.0,0.113538550494219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052192498949257406,0.0,0.06766159426504695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246137729985489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319739503321047,0.060340116471034086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956068172867766,0.07008662136198647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494276398977898,0.0,0.0,0.0587627238002948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698186122557192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348953322685846,0.06042774890541061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452675581466133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484607468017885,0.43866429513478494,0.0,0.0,0.062357083884474564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581330960609568,0.06307359071879028,0.035645129542541,0.0,0.07754851257328045,0.0,0.10913270232655928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741274584540329,0.0,0.048189852842950485,0.3666481158408049,0.0,0.12048914426077703,0.120755253408534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061576387679605285,0.0,0.1366236195364291,0.13834036947721065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251315687768274,0.0,0.05058851648232705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945982655852307,0.0,0.07128136980460938,0.0,0.1289907402488056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062110144879967286,0.0,0.0,0.1400654688446351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780744211055165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259452073197356,0.054837259784145685,0.05963229775155501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065229076127172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913189411271791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528317681843287,0.07421000591523101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892512781197784,0.0,0.0,0.04024130494978632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952785054290023,0.048465603181426335,0.0,0.0,0.04393513513827419
suicidewatch,Therealslimshamop,2019/01/18,"They said i should My boyfriend became really good friends w my bros gf which i at first thought was better than her being an asshole to him like she done been to me. Then it got weird when he started video chatting her hours daily. Weirder still when he became distant from me. Couldve thought they were into eachother but that wasnt it. I became really uncomfortable with it and decided to distance myself and possibly end the relationship. We didnt speak much for a week but then i realized i had no proof they were doing anything wrong.. Why be an asshole and act like the worst anyway. Im sure a lot of you will disagree with this but i dont feel bad about invading the privacy of a dishonest person and this way i could be sure. I learned his passcode and took his phone where i found a lot of really nasty things being said about me and even a few times she says that she thinks im suicidal and hopes that i will finally do it. I knew she didnt like me but i never realised she hated me that much and i just dont understand why. Even worse soemone who was supposed to be my friend decided to be her friend instead. Now i dont know what to do. I really love this guy a lot but i know i cant be with him now. I dont know how to live through this, especially when my brother and my mom are acting like the fact that they said i should kill myself is no big deal, though i showed them a screenshot. There was plenty of other stuff i wish i couldve showed them but i didnt have time to screenshot it all. This sucks a lot and i dont know how ill live through it. I dont even know why im posting here. ",2.2745535714285694,3.835529252976194,3.4888095238095254,91.42285714285713,76.41071428571428,6.823809523809524,23.607142857142854,7.5804360353943165,0.8714000000000004,1263,39,282,17,28,410,164,336,0.142,0.7020000000000001,0.156,0.3337,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,1,6,2,20,20,3,0,14,0,37,2,0,2,6,55,60,24,2,5,7,3,1,4,4,4,1,5,0,2,22,15,0,0,16,4,0,3,14,7,0,1,21,6,57,13,24,27,9,26,0,0,0,1,42,4,1,5,21,203,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453274345049345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547718622660985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935586499012351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261176116146652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084728251411054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802505949376146,0.5514439299186079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945659106827573,0.0,0.0,0.1553864460048638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03965136402883019,0.0,0.0,0.08590496438854224,0.0,0.06670376930972896,0.0,0.08598316957209855,0.18176063127320635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577473613818574,0.06271940966671513,0.0,0.0,0.07764784673727276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742323303670327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788847109296762,0.07722762258490354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541202464774952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675979552885711,0.0,0.2154871218826961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324764598566054,0.0,0.13849208968858248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666785486760773,0.07077685427631425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184422213705117,0.0,0.0,0.11529502686565178,0.0,0.060482118440991314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684730701345133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840644560741373,0.07510440952379181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009507092940136,0.0,0.0,0.0841934258877101,0.0,0.0,0.22378531999748455,0.062362504709919026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055505877727525764,0.0,0.06262608550208278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977181164190495,0.08577843990704022,0.0,0.14781930619444916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052098573940459234,0.05024818676559623,0.0770469715879817,0.1245129878963902,0.09145433261636486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712718852812514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816376886795585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062245919435117814,0.06290356497204985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228478547962126,0.0,0.0901788018371199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991638891883354,0.0,0.08573964755134555,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mario3058,2019/01/18,"what do I do really I don't know if it's a good thing or not but they always talk about shit you already know like your feeling and how to get out of them but how do I do that if it was that easy I would. so sad when you feel the only way out is dying wonna read my note. i did copy this from the web because it just felt like me.

This is finally Goodbye

For the past 10 years I've been dealing with relentless depression that has brought about intense suicidal ideation and self loathing that is 100x stronger than any sort of compassion that I have for myself. It's finally time for me to say goodbye to this life and this world that I've endured so much emotional and spiritual suffering in, because everything has proven futile in the face of my intense depression.

​

Let's be honest, yes, some of my friends and family will be sad, but for the most part people will move on after a few months, maybe less, and my suicide will just be another moment in life that most of you will all get past. I'm not so sure about my parents, but I don't want to assume anything. It's finally time for me to find the peace that I've been looking for for these past 10 years, and the only way I can achieve total peace is through cessation of the mind that is making my existence so fucking miserable.

​

Do I want to die? I'm not sure. Do I want to get rid of this painful part of my life? Hell fucking yes. So what do I do? Do I wait and take more medication that probably doesn't work, do more group therapy or be hospitalized some more? Or do i put myself out of my misery and get rid of the part of my brain completely that is making me miserable? What would you do?

​

I wish my life was different. I wish I had the life I wanted. But guess what? I don't. Am I'm not sure I ever will.

​

I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of not being able to live the life that I want. I'm tired of not being able to do anything about my shitty life. I'm tired. I'm just fucking tired.

​

Don't ever forget that I love you, parents and siblings. You're my everything. Don't ever forget that I love you, family, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, you brought me so much joy that it made me forget that I was so fucking miserable 99% of the time.

​

I'm going to spend my last moments in the most beautiful place I can feasibly access, and I'm going to put a bullet in my brain right then and there, to finally put a rest to the organ that made me suffer through so much pain.

​

I hope none of you ever have to endure the type of depression I had to endure. I'm sorry if I put any of you through pain, because that is the last thing I wanted.

​

Peace and Love.

​

\-Me.",2.9968262268704784,4.373776247787614,4.1836182622687055,87.93917638777155,74.13274336283186,7.4018503620273535,25.761263073209967,8.00094639256281,1.3929734513274332,2160,73,458,32,44,707,206,565,0.228,0.626,0.147,-0.9967,3,0,0,0,0,2,91.0,0,10,2,2,23,34,7,3,20,2,56,28,4,6,9,84,106,38,4,14,20,4,3,2,1,7,17,1,0,1,36,19,0,1,7,1,1,9,13,21,0,0,13,5,65,13,61,78,20,47,1,11,1,7,25,12,6,15,26,310,101,4,0.0788720891874598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351865584855167,0.0,0.03281394825764833,0.3845604405699085,0.4312719960440738,0.05363572528665558,0.04135213124859676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649050090637477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211954025661625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804733609920068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041347942454379324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04065683034522834,0.10189862226713203,0.0,0.08185677627961832,0.04120227306621892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436024222145741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268864036476156,0.0,0.0,0.07088514806001955,0.0,0.07435358624975849,0.0,0.03988009813429843,0.0,0.0378647872076155,0.17280103693520016,0.03604383031448282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030468190227777445,0.14583195105178687,0.08241482255003194,0.0,0.044824825893241986,0.03307708317475781,0.0,0.0,0.04344324917897368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038934929566778326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039168890488351454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04334603753409882,0.06429127960529364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040326027470855765,0.1949839119126231,0.03853291879388261,0.0,0.03482274987809337,0.0,0.033116345237103724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677770979545888,0.07463067783650915,0.052647731984439165,0.0,0.03961880735906205,0.0,0.0,0.03972766604586992,0.0,0.0,0.039819163087052786,0.0,0.03147747455290356,0.04191427435748655,0.08697009103751667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998577793952045,0.1258881956868248,0.0,0.08757812116021522,0.1281161798415548,0.11293850053851855,0.02733998786020337,0.0,0.04120227306621892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042518726062848726,0.0,0.0,0.1585764685012131,0.0,0.0,0.039446716547464636,0.0,0.025263739984377555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03367816660815847,0.0,0.03136112550786303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04114039519300554,0.0,0.0404805330642752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414542324615567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627326411299521,0.0,0.11150401596951932,0.0,0.02965099765817973,0.03169719883362078,0.0,0.0,0.04509855387829589,0.0,0.05239911141245583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689864242166211,0.27195559190386204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956240512439202,0.06260499320344233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906990101092846,0.0,0.0,0.028709910145259625,0.0,0.0,0.05602846920798114,0.0,0.4312719960440738,0.05079103951370322
suicidewatch,lappyhame,2019/01/18,"Death I feel trapped so I figured I could try and vent a little Here? 
Idk just bare with me. 

Worthless is my new motto for many reasons 
I've done nothing with my life and I'm not going anywhere at the moment. 

I could describe my past to you but I feel there's no point

The way I always looked at it was everyone goes through shit it's just how you decide to come out on the other side but lately I find it hard to come out the other side alright. 

Nightmares and horrible thoughts fill my head 
It gets harder to breathe and I want to collapse 
I feel like I burden people and I'm no help at all. 

I cause problems but I don't mean to 
I've been trying and trying but I always fail at one point. Even if I'm doing good I end up falling and it crushes me every time.

I have a loving girlfriend Who means the world to me and speak nothing but help and support me  but I know she's tired too.

I've been clean with self harming for so long and she helped me so much with that but I'm so close to breaking down again and I can't be that person 

Because I know if it happens again she'll leave and this time I won't come out alright I won't come out at all. 

It's so hard to talk to anyone but being on here to talk is easier because I don't have to see your faces. Although im positive you're all beautiful :). 

Death doesn't scare me anymore
The only thing that scares me now is myself. 

I think I should just accept my fate and welcome death

What's left of me anyway?. ",-0.5595238095238102,1.627017063492065,1.3451587301587296,98.77678571428572,92.65079365079364,3.6349206349206336,17.658730158730158,5.1001847267431195,-0.7056984126984127,1145,32,261,5,42,374,161,315,0.196,0.643,0.161,-0.8698,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,3,0,1,18,16,1,2,8,2,22,7,4,3,3,64,47,30,3,7,14,0,5,1,1,4,2,1,1,2,16,26,0,0,14,0,0,7,9,8,0,1,5,8,43,8,33,34,4,41,0,2,2,1,18,21,1,2,12,171,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665595611448465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527546436952973,0.07422479562620521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294200283218491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904859233838816,0.0,0.36576637869815976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695094077114273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086315938413231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402023992965146,0.0,0.0,0.07011319689268003,0.0,0.08943866140132335,0.10143394536309172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102276409724384,0.07583587750886386,0.0,0.0,0.09702211474580927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546067316125251,0.0,0.0603293179904852,0.08903627975266917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938709368322462,0.0,0.19018485879952626,0.0,0.1089438230784997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345678580181945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466368743085413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667806086967578,0.0,0.11974544944295368,0.11240092663329904,0.11533577794090898,0.0,0.07497915458609973,0.051861098502742085,0.10639340818216486,0.0,0.09394225421178697,0.08914196464478097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580742040713924,0.0,0.0,0.10762269789797982,0.0,0.23126394051538274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780348266584839,0.0,0.0,0.10252343585690553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371374418453625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193216527885786,0.08073430292487903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133525453929472,0.07359327286189797,0.09268889220950093,0.0,0.0,0.20069819853590729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157428978374902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914318409691498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255577219161115,0.0,0.08459036809693425,0.0,0.1107409536743902,0.0,0.1089647490199042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046140961915412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064386528978778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070523478715787,0.06801869344677844,0.0,0.08427379472790918,0.12379758584386046,0.12200750407326025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621319329633298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261191613117349,0.08425948048873655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,speaker262,2019/01/18,Love Is it even possible? What does everyone in here think?,1.4445454545454552,3.942690272727273,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,100.8181818181818,9.472727272727274,23.681818181818183,8.841846274778883,3.245509090909092,47,2,9,2,2,15,11,11,0.0,0.687,0.313,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075252997665577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075814698642714,0.0,0.0,0.4449833040228868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42030015031034296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249914362135469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983930363442268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hoarderline,2019/01/18,"the only thing stopping my is my filthy hoard I'm a hoarder, it's a manifestation of my anxieties and my OCD.

I'm ashamed of my hoard. I've tried to clean it but it keeps coming back. 

I am ready to end it, but I don't want anyone to have to deal with cleaning it up.",-0.9732857142857156,0.9348351000000008,1.9128571428571417,96.61500000000002,89.66666666666666,4.761904761904762,18.57142857142857,6.18269132825596,-0.3338571428571431,206,6,52,2,7,72,40,60,0.107,0.802,0.091,0.2771,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779983342473296,0.0,0.0,0.25409620206646755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279430488964695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313035040671756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37464719110792105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218626024086754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230046755994683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763804140735533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038168456933838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142536125583125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246723262712786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434144693580692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamacat52,2019/01/18,"4 hours ago I was happy 4 hours ago I wasn't thinking of whether i should jump into traffic, or drink some laundry detergent. There's been a lot of family drama, which honestly shouldn't even be drama. I come from a loving family, but something is up with my mum. And she just lashes out. Lately she's been fighting with my brother. He got engaged, but my mum doesn't approve. She yells at him. And I guess I can't handle emotional abuse the way my brother can, because today she yelled at me and I don't want to live on. I hate who I am. I hate who I've become. I wanted to end my life 6 months ago, but slowly I've stopped wanting that. Well it's back.",0.8709627329192529,2.884864398550725,2.876024844720501,91.99956521739132,82.55072463768116,5.392132505175984,21.45134575569358,6.5431188927421005,0.3714476190476193,509,16,110,5,14,171,90,138,0.13699999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.129,-0.284,0,0,2,0,4,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,3,0,13,3,0,0,0,24,23,8,0,5,6,4,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,8,1,1,1,3,0,2,5,3,1,0,5,2,22,5,13,15,2,20,0,0,0,1,14,6,0,4,11,71,27,0,0.0,0.1849018291636396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150049010551797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999807219243724,0.0,0.09513079726962996,0.17235251190178758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442914389359253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528762854295404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755429330768924,0.13822003440992373,0.0,0.0,0.10307406675782894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29423298795142344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248129058591686,0.0,0.1719141961668213,0.0,0.0,0.16612540118723002,0.0,0.308147629184426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073690915982055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603890561033372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022755669068747,0.0,0.0,0.13780104312520308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267393924560125,0.14084738515142298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245630756767404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014017471980787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047050061670076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999491764503332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792363096612854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761390911764548,0.12387065063043427,0.0,0.0,0.14031383504067174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Supagamer56,2019/01/18,Ok I think I should Tell People About My Suicide Thoughts Where do i start off. Growing into the 21 year old i am now i grew up without many friends and just tried as much stuff as i can to have fun had a few girlfriends but during all that time i have been bullied and isolated from people to keep myself sane which i have been trying to do for years i just hide my thoughts from people i remember trying to commit suicide at 17 then quickly regretting it having my dad save me the main reason i feel so down and out and that suicide is my only option is because of the way i been treated my whole life i have been treated like trash and garbage prettty much as far back as i can remember having my family and few friends be my main reason to keep going the more years passed the worse things got and i just completely stopped talking all together and hiding my intentions from people at this rate i feel like im just burden on my family and friends which is why i feel like me being gone is much better than being alive ,6.590723742277143,5.910352970873787,6.549558693733452,81.46079876434248,65.40776699029126,9.238481906443072,31.83406884377758,8.296473431620573,2.22998640776699,816,27,162,9,11,259,116,206,0.211,0.669,0.12,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,4,1.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,0,0,6,1,24,1,0,3,3,38,36,16,3,2,6,1,3,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,8,11,0,3,10,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,9,3,29,12,25,23,11,27,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,14,123,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617806278492693,0.0,0.068319329386685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991204313216718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750755855976015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130696890205936,0.0,0.1700040929021627,0.1601315147906419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597645083319936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369429215725474,0.0,0.089635893652119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105925693044993,0.0,0.0,0.19923321407602654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916124923978432,0.16426122835422036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362554378199695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24716207044194186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176029120634575,0.0,0.0,0.08523740113257319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31079227006766946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304616755633916,0.0,0.0,0.2539162090561567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793266228028992,0.0,0.0,0.09369896356081216,0.0,0.0,0.1282980277405614,0.3677726157505224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008091399545716,0.09795770077231998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445705018541264,0.07181255609813353,0.0,0.1779486286732608,0.06535130732246368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827286567770586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895920169550932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112944066453523,0.1251267270679402,0.0,0.10803543027627968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142130797508369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651613220727897
suicidewatch,Zetrical,2019/01/18,"My friend might kill himself Me and my friend Ben just got into a fight. He drinks and has depression. He has blocked me on everything and I'm afraid that he is going to hurt himself. Please help me with some advice. (This stuff has happened before, but not to this scale.)",2.004402515723271,4.59097777358491,2.1040566037735857,95.71067610062893,82.58490566037736,5.0427672955974865,20.154088050314463,6.42735559955562,0.08570691823899379,214,6,44,2,6,64,40,53,0.17800000000000002,0.695,0.127,-0.4678,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,9,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,7,2,5,7,1,3,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,2,0,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25417499266515986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133315544303336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403104950283104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25480728245004924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337687266136681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019183271361611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782564128765208,0.0,0.20803250986449734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300130665771492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434522881744674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784515035784763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28777149075714564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275933988760423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855209978759922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29776197496417706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fidelitas88,2019/01/18,Psilocybin for treatment resistant depression I just ready that FDA approved clinical trials for psilocybin/mushrooms for major depression and treatment resistant depression. I hope this becomes an avenue for those of us struggling,11.526960784313722,15.657102088235293,9.306470588235298,48.52578431372552,57.529411764705884,13.945098039215686,52.50980392156863,12.45797560212912,9.27846274509804,197,14,17,8,3,59,25,34,0.302,0.521,0.17800000000000002,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267780754572703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7645273866386766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938772754364805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093197805484354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559092367772677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadpandaxo,2019/01/18,"I hate life. I hate everything I want to sleep and never wake up its a never ending torture to do things I feel like everything I do is pointless 
Not sure how much of 2019 I’l lbe sticking around for.. ",0.8207317073170728,3.2499291219512223,2.2860487804878065,93.27785365853659,87.04878048780488,5.231219512195122,20.39512195121951,6.742157984588678,0.3896985365853656,158,5,33,2,5,51,32,41,0.207,0.64,0.153,-0.5293,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,3,3,2,1,3,9,7,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,6,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238918577456782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275786958164656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520711073959949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716796550504564,0.17967448843322525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966162082566351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776446938566586,0.12287213716194112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488435843838832,0.0,0.387950737128928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251685605978173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370395179526195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708806408034813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834355941061936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canttakeit999,2019/01/18,Dad died can’t find internship girlfriend has cancer I’m giving up Dad died a year and a half ago. Then I started business school. In the middle of studying for internship interviews my girlfriend of two years was diagnosed with cancer. Now I can’t find a position. And we just found out it’s one of the bad types. We had thought it was hodgkins but it’s not. Losing my dad was a surprise but at least I could be happy that he was never in pain. There’s so much pain here. For everyone.,0.6943589743589733,3.1800848383838414,2.159797979797979,93.14174825174828,89.5050505050505,5.470396270396272,21.756798756798762,7.010146845296331,0.7627367521367527,385,14,80,6,13,124,67,99,0.115,0.7040000000000001,0.181,0.8415,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,6,0,10,5,0,0,1,16,15,6,2,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,7,0,7,2,11,6,2,13,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,7,55,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024043483004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035344310038374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533360252542402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949263609736129,0.398634450013284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351167900144494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35105981756976634,0.0,0.0,0.2105725380723041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423153238585988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044404328420379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485444369246934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411785966662769,0.0,0.14812053628041674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013781902380592,0.0,0.4087087547430273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436450765298985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593373690667976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246597685796998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760461064947548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247347367223273
suicidewatch,Fancycresent32,2019/01/18,"I have a friend that might kill herself and I want to prevent that please help!!! So I met her and she’s in my high school, we talked until I seen her post about her being depressed. I immediately talked to her and told her to not kill herself. The info I have gotten in extremely deep and scary.
• how can child protective services help?
I have found out that her cousin killed themself. Her dad is always gone for work and has no time for her. She has also attempted suicide about 5 times.
•
But her stepmother is the problem. She claims that her step-mother used to lock her in a room and starve her. Also she claims to be called “hoe” and “bitch”. And apparently her stepmother also beats her for no reason, she told me that she has a bruise on her elbow.
PLEASE WHAT THE HELL DO I DO.
she tells me to not tell child protective services because she’s moving in a couple years and I really need help.",1.2996764252696489,3.8749874858757054,2.2810606060606062,93.03835516178741,86.57062146892656,5.2520801232665635,18.214946070878273,6.7829847944221076,0.09426779661016926,703,18,145,9,22,221,96,177,0.221,0.6859999999999999,0.093,-0.985,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,0,3,7,8,5,0,7,0,14,1,1,3,0,24,24,16,4,3,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,6,11,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,7,1,38,1,18,14,0,16,1,1,1,0,42,9,2,1,4,102,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327569984559867,0.11361118393477765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323275912072195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942133711396856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510775379030652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760063155859568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970769985110674,0.10548950516251884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745571526401369,0.14426069354653706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453179715035499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448460444153663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511909070287576,0.0,0.1012417584343536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997571073114384,0.0,0.0,0.13076638665959345,0.0,0.0,0.1306491507389341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747022417750397,0.1403845829644823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381845118067135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935123930889022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948936218392115,0.2386817840747509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923369475154686,0.0,0.0,0.2609372676097731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792564736974973,0.0,0.0,0.08053409663105461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940184145636216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792648307850177
suicidewatch,dad_is_a_fag,2019/01/18,"Erasing a story that should’ve never started I’m a 17m, dropped out of HS recently,mental health problems, can’t find work, remaining family hates me and argues day in and day out, can’t make or keep friends, and so on. All I wanted to do with life was either military or law enforcement work and I know I can never serve in either due to my issues, I’d rather put an end to this rather than humor it. Overdosing painkillers and alcohol and take a long nap, or slitting my throat. The fear I had of pain or dying isn’t here anymore, because I know this is what needs to be done. ",6.495490196078436,5.189183605042018,7.018949579831933,80.06551120448181,65.89075630252101,10.286274509803922,32.438375350140056,9.2995712137729,2.6037383753501397,455,15,95,7,6,150,85,119,0.127,0.828,0.045,-0.8591,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,2,1,5,0,10,5,1,1,3,29,20,11,1,5,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,3,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,13,16,3,15,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,8,60,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529614124580736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051126807612173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710218452942454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477768086944151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936914364897734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658467259946533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701433020608307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109448590068333,0.21616555170100527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557563124842368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841573954723675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965866770139653,0.0,0.20419298139844289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005021613185939,0.0,0.17074702583122986,0.0,0.0,0.2111459252739096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568568806624806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000217555912234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822803093226645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424394818038836,0.29631823816601804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044076081037199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838134542224288,0.0,0.1931132409855104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596914526171547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444350554743515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330537091677832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27970171609725103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlowerGirlRobot215,2019/01/18,"Im over it. It hasnt got better. Nothing has got better. A couple months I came on here to try and get help. I was wanting to end it all and I thought things were turning up. I was taking pills. I was in therapy. But then, a cancer screening, a broken ankle and a serious relationship breaking up happened. And now I just could give fuck all. Life has never got better. Started getting molested and raped and beat by my brothers and father and then went to my grandpa doing stuff. Then it went to an absuive relationship. Then a sickness. Then a tumor. Then another sickness (Ms) and then another sexual assault. Now all of this. I can't help it anymore man. I just don't see a hope anymore. I want so badly to give up.  I ruin everything.  ",0.37331880448319055,2.8172402671232883,2.8392777085927783,86.52648816936487,94.95890410958904,5.120298879202988,23.75965130759652,6.7829847944221076,1.251791780821918,573,25,107,9,22,196,85,146,0.275,0.682,0.042,-0.989,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,6,11,4,0,8,0,11,7,0,0,4,22,31,18,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,11,2,12,4,13,19,3,23,0,1,2,2,10,6,1,1,13,79,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28006028375369074,0.0,0.0,0.2648750139843641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150176193277374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543204095548417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273615692972445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662220064032513,0.14776137817736187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827833064105507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200186911786144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345717245620713,0.13954007866072954,0.2562107812270491,0.0,0.0,0.3204165491024154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809050596485934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790204060142455,0.0,0.0,0.13263706432128802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442479783567537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432446932657344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659173044962343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102995610536125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813688631732048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867476710787833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064154647372089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452151995085308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528733249979144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004067573664855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271660026549724,0.0,0.08871918790831132,0.0,0.0,0.10601721251362686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066606504016833,0.14525504880640072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753273813753396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475890330549504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,This-is-a-Temp-Acc,2019/01/18,"Desensitized to Death? So I’m just making this post to vent essentially.

I’ve thought about death since I was very little. Ever since I would say about 6-7. Growing up I was also exposed to a lot of death. My Grandma died when I was little and my Uncle committed suicide and my parents didn’t help the situation either. My stepdad and mom just told me what he did was selfish and if he was alive they would’ve killed him themselves. So I had to face that from a very young age. When I was very little though I would stay up late at night about every other week because I would be scared I would die in my sleep or I would think about other things. The thing that usually kept me up however was the idea that I would die before everyone I knew and loved. And what also scared me about that was the idea that I would forget them eventually. That I would forget my moms voice and I would forget her face. That she would be lost to time. This scared me to no end as a child. And since I had pneumonia every summer as a kid too I would spend a lot of time in my room thinking to myself. I had a lot of time to think about death. And eventually I came to a conclusion that lifted some emotional trauma and regret from my stomach. I thought to myself that since (mind you I was also an agnostic/atheist) when I die I would just cease to exist. So I would not have to witness the guilt and emotional trauma I had carried. And this led me to another conclusion. That suicide would essentially prevent emotional trauma from occurring and that since I would not have to witness the pain and suffering it would cause others around me then the burden would essentially be void to me. It would still happen. But I wouldn’t see it or even know if it since I’d be dead. This essentially desensitized me to death. And since I would not have to burden guilt that made me feel as if my actions held no weight. So I made unhealthy decisions. I did nothing but sleep, go to school, eat, sit around and then repeat for several years. Which leads me to today. Medical problems exist on my moms side. And while I look a lot like my dead I inherited defects from my moms side of the family. But my chest hurts and it’s at times difficult to breathe. My thoughts are less coherent. My mind goes numb for minutes at a time and it feels like my death is approaching. I have to be honest I’m a bit scared. I’m mostly ashamed. That all the great people that held hope I would get better. That I failed them. I want to get better I do. But it’s too hard. I can do it physically. I really could. It’s just mentally my mind is so desensitized that it won’t commit. I take responsibility for not bettering myself. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. It’s a daunting idea that you know you’re going to die and it’s going to happen soon. Even if I did get better turned my life around I’d still delay the inevitable. I have to ask. Can anyone else relate. It feels so lonely  and depressing knowing my death is coming for me and I’m the only person I can blame. This very well could be the first and last post I make on this temporary account. If I get better I’ll make an update. But if that doesn’t happen. I guess it’s goodbye. Hasn’t been a good one but I love my family at least. Hopefully they can say the same about me. 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suicidewatch,Loxyy,2019/01/18,"I think I'm in hell. I'm legit starting to think I'm in hell and the part the scares me the most is if I take a gun to my head and pull the trigger, I don't think it'll stop. Will I just be born again into the same body to go through the struggle of the same life all over again? I don't know what I did in a past life/reality to deserve this but please, I'm sorry for what ever I did. I'm trying to become a better person now, should I become vegan to prove I'm sorry? Will it ever stop?",0.5199901671583085,1.4075009203539857,3.195162241887907,94.51765978367752,79.61946902654867,5.730186823992135,17.865290068829893,5.82211442006289,-0.5226137659783676,376,6,96,2,9,133,63,113,0.133,0.767,0.1,0.1446,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,2,10,0,10,3,2,1,4,21,23,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,10,1,14,16,5,17,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,10,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38439927485797337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391313056460473,0.0,0.19330525676742585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31483556972143034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890380594899817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860236276493774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564093110235243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458414582632315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884547612098508,0.16612888533444758,0.0,0.15195405010482466,0.0,0.1910298722353676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742318291207447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896189477387293,0.1231775194065595,0.0,0.0,0.2909894684679463,0.0,0.18193126814836416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308469786614805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33452927440480396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815320989134097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aetheri3,2019/01/18,"Punishment/Annihilation Isn't Imaginary Where do we begin... suicidal like you or like you were, yea. Adversed to the consolers, yea. Imagining somewhere where suffering doesn't exist, persist. It's cowardice, it's selfish, to be consumed with escape, a merciful relief; where there is some, any alternate to this reality. We frequent places like this to befriend others with this affliction, that our lives are, seemingly, ruined and tattered beyond repair. It's suffering that even the noble wo/man cannot resolve. 

​

someone who understands",6.5153333333333325,10.180312088888893,6.53777777777778,64.22000000000003,72.55555555555556,9.822222222222225,37.888888888888886,9.888512548439397,5.388355555555557,448,26,55,14,10,142,68,90,0.185,0.667,0.14800000000000002,-0.6988,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,2,0,2,6,10,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,11,11,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,5,5,7,9,1,7,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,3,5,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019993738445236,0.3386824514996137,0.18954315588774195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840958145960293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085141570133137,0.0,0.2461200579765615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29120922015993145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537415723644812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361635330886355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048808729875094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901634702179223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386824514996137,0.0
suicidewatch,teamsters630,2019/01/18,Tired... Tired of putting on a phony face and pretending. I gave myself a year. The year is here... but there’s so much guilt. I feel like my decision was taken away from me. And it’s not fair.,-1.4991071428571416,0.3358818750000019,0.5035714285714299,101.63,105.25,4.285714285714287,13.214285714285715,6.18269132825596,-0.8405714285714287,145,3,35,2,7,47,34,40,0.182,0.7090000000000001,0.109,-0.4607,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,1,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916000518148141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693090148952699,0.2217262762089001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162965905909034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815548653169204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120046003036088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7134425139221017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39973239742961103
suicidewatch,throowaway_acoount,2019/01/19,"I've just saw something that finally pushed me over the edge, I truly want to die I just can't go on anymore. Living up to the expectations of everyone has deteriorated my mental health to its core. I finally found my tipping point.",5.5379999999999985,6.5300948000000005,7.304444444444448,69.41000000000001,67.66666666666666,10.444444444444443,32.77777777777778,10.504223727775694,3.6181111111111104,186,8,34,5,3,65,36,45,0.086,0.82,0.093,-0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645008895477207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767989336066537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548492085933557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843272227872593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924295879762422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157528271050008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834962244737624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355064655510379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687771249585436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25212357105848626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532346691482573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573102299967243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BunnyDeville,2019/01/19,"I'm tired of being suicidal and so is everyone in my life It's just never ending. Even when everything is okay, I still feel like killing myself. I'm tired. And my best friend is tired of it, I can tell. I asked him to come over tonight because I was afraid I'd actually do it, and he's too tired. My husband stayed home with me instead of going out, which means he's going to resent me even more than he already does. And he's no good when I get like this. He doesn't know what to do. I'm just weary. I feel like the kindest thing to do would be to get it over with so everyone else can go on with their lives. Sure, they'd be sad, but they'd get over it eventually. I worry about how my kids would take it, they're the only reason I haven't already done it, but do they really need a crazy, suicidal mother? I'm bipolar type 2, I have Asperger's, I have chronic pain, and I'm just tired of fighting. I'm ready to go. I used to be scared when I got like this, but this time I'm not.",1.5209247606019147,2.6169780883720932,3.3377017783857745,93.6587004103967,77.41860465116278,6.7332421340629285,21.484268125854992,7.285733465282438,0.3668440492476055,759,19,186,9,17,255,111,215,0.215,0.691,0.095,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,2,1,28.0,0,0,4,1,15,16,3,2,3,1,23,9,0,3,2,29,47,14,3,3,7,2,2,4,1,2,9,0,1,1,13,10,0,0,5,0,0,5,5,7,0,0,3,2,24,9,22,36,2,20,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,0,12,110,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.1019827024630589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306497621775144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769892765350724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370583865775124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096725152179875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002259623150262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914538345788588,0.10694583952924942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730128599921473,0.0,0.09256122585023803,0.0,0.0,0.13805034868069646,0.0,0.0,0.19971976954449036,0.09392318204208468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568266609960096,0.14931809982406108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074101431892014,0.0,0.163800089155036,0.0,0.2375724900122079,0.08765460719115542,0.0835829307782718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482795834685964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156203163033578,0.0,0.05743372039896216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381562168844398,0.20422525426208185,0.0,0.09228064172869678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383758350902408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748981526481942,0.08060140785507777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794814611458412,0.11120166677164224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694916818421419,0.10744949088374556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462865682070377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138940544077522,0.08345856246495613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286250283003913,0.0,0.0984955925366405,0.0,0.07857544568914802,0.0,0.09134278009909624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694290893752308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060938242189030926,0.6005709062430992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025956059022183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613083428926087,0.0,0.14847601386131876,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontEvenKnowRightNow,2019/01/19,"I need help desperately This year so far hasn’t been going as I expected it to be. I feel like I’m wasting my life by not doing anything at all. I want to do many things, but I just don’t believe that I can or that I never will. I am very addicted to porn and I just can’t stop. I want to stop, but then something in my brain tells me I should and that it’s good for me. I have never even had a real relationship with any girl and I don’t even know how to talk to them. I want to, but I have no idea what to say and when a girl does talk to me, it’s a very short conversation. I do have some friends though, but I’m not even sure if most of them are real or not. When I’m in school, I don’t really talk to much people other than some friends and I don’t feel like I belong at my school. I’m not suicidal and I don’t want to kill myself, but sometimes I think about what would happen if I did and if anyone would even care. ",1.5371451355661847,2.0503204497607683,3.563617224880385,94.32998724082935,76.55980861244021,6.91304625199362,20.153429027113237,7.03164865440522,0.014988261562998597,710,13,185,7,15,243,105,209,0.102,0.735,0.163,0.892,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,0,12,8,1,0,3,0,24,4,1,1,4,50,40,24,2,12,16,0,2,2,2,4,2,1,0,2,11,8,0,2,5,0,0,1,14,1,0,0,3,3,31,7,22,32,5,15,0,0,0,1,14,6,0,8,10,132,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209905533367344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240341678474752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472864635541595,0.0,0.09971701668455824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652316298111206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527180427956853,0.0,0.0,0.12354638047938445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604139561876444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32014079468991863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225398306973146,0.1731354378895088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723960305174933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886676353575011,0.1016361634453917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071549923823968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122130600599847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679225965464265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406260939358458,0.0,0.06659482234648413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558975769966028,0.11840034418608415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285282071958062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907785027323893,0.0898500122467388,0.1869158536030484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400775425310761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584823260405544,0.077628054224974,0.0,0.0,0.13009701440038046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636352942937353,0.0,0.2452719168482922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328673113129016,0.11984555378069707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261609474067616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254620315263074,0.0,0.11420636590012355,0.0,0.0,0.2921885522124987,0.10591262713051057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805035411340898,0.07764429358125242,0.11905420009343658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999647655569564,0.2858895254480277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215903300576205,0.0,0.0,0.07803297476839696
suicidewatch,Anonymous-122018,2019/01/19,I’m suicidal And I’ve spent the last 2+ years trying to convince myself that things will get better.  That I can “make it”. Well nothing is better and I feel like eventually I’ll be a statistic. There’s obviously way more going on but I don’t feel like writing it out. ,-0.09928571428571333,2.231877642857146,2.522142857142857,89.44785714285717,94.0,4.942857142857143,19.5,6.6274283507984215,0.3839714285714284,212,7,44,3,8,73,45,56,0.051,0.726,0.223,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,12,3,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,4,6,3,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774327120688204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272952522013939,0.385652192866664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410185450811091,0.0,0.15339793341523278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200153426487667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637319830540481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801692058915416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25898906540859384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29524131237987195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793183853654878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325339505189725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424459297968212,0.0,0.0,0.2426844480489154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381529860193273
suicidewatch,MASTERofNIJ56,2019/01/19,I took acid and I realized what I do to the people i love I realized how i ruin everything last night.  I just ended my last and only friendship to stop hurting her.  I have nothing left.  Nothing is stopping me anymore ,0.883798449612403,3.4534016046511664,3.395697674418604,83.48176356589148,91.09302325581396,5.657364341085271,28.096899224806204,7.1686216300943375,2.106522480620156,171,9,30,3,6,59,31,43,0.188,0.627,0.185,-0.0402,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,1,2,4,0,8,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,22,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23357596137842945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086038571486478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116732775487879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213270934332904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839660703067252,0.0,0.0,0.25589690223844896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256909634931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102278979776,0.0,0.4519821776979453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912618609501946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328229528739233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938162769087655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616752033168207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QueenSharkdalian,2019/01/19,"Hopelessness I (25F) have this complete desire to just not want to keep going. I was never really a depressed person or anxious person much, if at all until at 23 I found out I was pregnant and miscarrying all at the same time. I ended up being extremely sick and had to have a d&e plus heavy antibiotic course due to toxic shock syndrome. I thought my world was going to end.  It was traumatic, humiliating, and I felt like the world’s greatest failure. Who doesn’t know they were pregnant.... Thought to be 3-4 weeks based on my period and lack of symptoms, an ultrasound showed I was really 6-7 weeks when it had stopped growing. There was no heart beat found but I do have the ultrasound photo, which I’ve never had the courage to look at since. It was the tiniest little bean.. Expecting to go in to talk about painful period cramping to you’re pregnant to something is off with your blood test though, recently pregnant maybe, and then finally to miscarriage all within an hour long appointment. Fast forward, ending up not continuing a relationship with the father, rekindled a previous relationship as friends that ended with needing a restraining order, and then finally.... after all this heartache I thought that finally the universe is like, mkay girl enough handing out the b.s. you’re going to get a chance to be actually happy. And for the first time, I told the entire start to finish story of my miscarriage to someone I felt so close to. Not just a romantic connection, but more than that, like this was my person. 

My extreme hesitation in telling anyone ever is based on the fact that I feel telling anyone, or anyone knowing completely tarnishes and darkens the memory of something so completely innocent in every way. Things with that person have been rocky, due to my lack of willing to open up and be honest. And that’s my own fault. And now, it’s over. But now, I want to take it all back. I have never felt so worthless than I do right now. I feel like I have failed so hard. I couldn’t even protect my own baby inside of me. And all I want is to know who my baby would have been... I’ve never talked about what happened, especially so much. And now I want to take it all back because I can’t feel like this. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want emotional support. I don’t want to talk about it or see a therapist. That’s not what I want. I want to know who my baby would have been. And now after finally opening up about it and telling someone who I thought meant so much just completely destroys me. Worthless doesn’t even describe these feelings. I don’t care about anything anymore. I can’t. I can barely even look at a baby or toddler without crying. It’s all I want. I didn’t want to be pregnant... it wasn’t at all planned and now after having that pulled away it’s all I want. And talking about it has made it so much worse. I have nightmares weekly that after having TSS, I’ll never be able to get pregnant again. I have nightmares that I’m having a miscarriage and I can’t stop it. And at this point I just want to curl up and not even wake up anymore. I thought I got passed this want to die feeling, but now it’s all I can think about. I hurt someone I loved by being dishonest and I can’t even tell anyone the pain I continually am feeling. I don’t want help. I just want it to all end. 


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suicidewatch,acrylicsky,2019/01/19,"Lost interest in living, empty inside and I see no purpose. debated whether or not i wanted to make this post. I'm tired of life. i'm exhausted, mentally and emotionally. lost interest in everything. Everything hurts. I feel as though my spirit is broken, and I'm damaged now. I dont think there is much hope for me anymore. ",1.4621863799283192,4.182362709677419,3.8450537634408635,79.76535842293909,91.258064516129,7.9168458781362,26.24372759856631,8.515128840125781,2.9105318996415765,256,12,45,8,9,88,47,62,0.309,0.5489999999999999,0.142,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,11,14,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,2,6,3,6,12,1,4,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199164008542007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505241342659061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404502749170089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842258852752633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808305004555392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231106987875453,0.0,0.0,0.22883359339480774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098441073726634,0.0,0.0,0.18875324755336054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666867311293352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268589389365485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154189486274888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571375722366463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472217922439154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033836873284544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696823344930725,0.21001728162358702,0.0,0.0,0.24568470009717755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608068621713867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_9783,2019/01/19,"I think tonight is the night Guys, my last boss refuses to be a reference. I have no job prospects. My dreams of higher education are ruined. I'm debating going to a tall building tonight, or drinking bleach, or driving off the highway, something I dunno. Guys, I fucked up everything in my life. My career is over. Suicide seems like my only option, here's my letter: 

​

Dear loved ones, Mom, Dad, XX, XX, XXX,

​

I'm so sorry to be leaving you. I have fucked everything up. At least this way, I can't fuck up anything else. I wish there was some way to fix it, all of it. But there isn't. At least this way, people will remember the good I've done in life.  I'm going out with a bang before being reduced to working at McDonald's. A failed scientist. A failed fucking scientist. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all of you. There are no ways out of this. I love all of you. I wish I could hug all of you right now. I will miss you so much. This wasn't any of your faults. It's mine. I am a fuck up. I am a piece of shit. I don't deserve this life anymore. I'm sorry I can't be better. I'm sorry for how much $$ and time and space I've wasted. 

Love,

M

​",-0.08571129415049228,2.054723838056681,2.207027781655732,94.40943319838057,87.94736842105263,5.026329750104705,20.25813206756945,6.48374012150746,0.18102607845874674,896,29,202,10,29,303,126,247,0.189,0.66,0.152,-0.779,1,0,2,0,0,2,59.0,0,6,0,4,8,19,6,0,10,0,22,14,1,2,4,25,44,8,1,3,3,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,5,1,1,4,2,0,3,7,11,0,1,3,0,28,8,29,34,10,29,0,4,0,9,15,16,6,6,7,123,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662430682085078,0.29858292051313623,0.05570050332560872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123109793270432,0.0,0.0,0.06740361305608009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969799374724613,0.0,0.0,0.07244130091184385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539717198486658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382070495491746,0.0,0.08023902403328477,0.0,0.0,0.06842393652839282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722793079245342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786148612294901,0.0,0.0,0.09310083346099716,0.06870085830033215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220433647399576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128142288713601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676625727205847,0.0,0.08672914181624725,0.0,0.0,0.17356292139589022,0.04001629436263191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221776517340862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593009810766263,0.0,0.0,0.12042415931231153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686546071551092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055503234274686085,0.06229500963680965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678495355811813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278622107150784,0.06994930416741663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456630775792104,0.0,0.0,0.08407776923005678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630570682668024,0.0,0.4584485958176595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959446728750763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524835789774872,0.0,0.0,0.04776143178156146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600602201977225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883811764349738,0.0,0.0,0.05963027206129073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29858292051313623,0.0
suicidewatch,skorpianmafia,2019/01/19,"I’ve given up I don’t think I will end it, I’ve contemplated it many times over the past 3 years. I don’t feel connected to anyone in my family. I feel like an alien in my own family. I have no friends and no one to hang out with on days off. I have no goals or ambitions. I used to have goals and ambitions but I have none now. I used to write fantastic stories and scripts, I used to make films, I used to be happy but now I’m never happy and I’m always angry and on edge. I hate my job , hate my life, hate myself. I self harm by hitting myself in the head as hard as I can. I’ve tried to do everything I ever wanted. Schooling is not possible with no car or help getting a loan. I wanted to be a filmmaker but schooling is too expensive. I wanted to be a veterinarian but once again schooling was too expensive. The last thing left is to be a pro wrestler but that’s looking like it’s too expensive and no one supports me. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t want to do anything anymore ever again. There’s nothing keeping me here anymore and there never was for a long time but I held out hope that something good would come along and nothing has, ever. ",1.2349903186058808,3.035298902834011,3.360204189403273,90.0991550783313,80.21457489878544,6.562858651645838,22.884879422636857,7.586124646067393,0.9183963738778388,907,30,202,14,23,309,123,247,0.139,0.7170000000000001,0.145,0.3919,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,14,12,3,0,10,0,22,3,1,5,5,45,49,18,0,6,9,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,6,14,0,2,3,1,4,3,12,4,0,2,4,4,28,8,30,38,2,35,0,0,1,0,4,15,0,3,19,138,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578313882658498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044846938348793,0.0720862866740963,0.0,0.0848382425567835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880704826512445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648762219804279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131139953376087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27976546778093103,0.0,0.0,0.0926549656419108,0.0,0.19437721914585,0.0,0.10425566493282236,0.07365095127800626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965079275381122,0.0,0.05386278198425813,0.0,0.0,0.08647103346661092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219492679845902,0.09235269788775904,0.30535433669903805,0.10580501563598936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910227651027086,0.0,0.0,0.10239640606681323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230568893275838,0.09163540207596638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403602822214827,0.0,0.0,0.11201281030530663,0.0,0.14563782322269495,0.10073383112374208,0.0,0.0,0.09123566068170964,0.08657367344514665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881658473806668,0.10452195371992937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590261427078905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978444970962701,0.0,0.0,0.10979260563614082,0.13971941973389645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841565944754337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974579165397277,0.11622390549347553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130123483301866,0.0,0.0,0.10755036865762056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936741978635041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116990766141043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849160932099506,0.06605899004012691,0.0,0.0,0.12023082296707455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699946071623294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561632518623024,0.0,0.0,0.2432319548942085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323559351302733,0.0,0.0,0.0663896761148672
suicidewatch,daodmwip,2019/01/19,"Stuck in a shit foster home, no chance of seeing my brothers ever again, never gonna move back in with family, and just got dumped. I think you know where I am going with this, but I'm just tired of all the bullshit. There's more to the whole situation, but at this point I'd rather have someone just blow me out of my misery then continue straggling along like a beaten dog.",9.580877192982456,5.931749368421055,8.884736842105266,76.48482456140351,61.89473684210528,11.712280701754384,33.2280701754386,8.841846274778883,2.480864912280701,296,6,62,3,3,94,62,76,0.285,0.6609999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,9,4,3,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,3,16,10,4,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,11,7,3,14,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,7,43,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496653332412676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411168364125495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512870183167978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149096921090285,0.0,0.21319066348864796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26737925775075866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649322349030708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302267013487801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833088102253903,0.0,0.0,0.20558584699939905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25198332774027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241209540828332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736178028972826,0.0,0.2996221921867345,0.0,0.0,0.2258536016317605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079950740263425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063690367919693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29760232064297065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wuyota,2019/01/19,"My ex boyfriend makes me wanna kill myself. I've dated him for a year. He always controlled who I talk to. He blocked me from talking to my family. He forced me to have sex with him.
He woke me up in the middle of the night just to please him. He laughed at me when I self harmed. He took naked pictures of me and sold them online. He made me clean his apartment all on my own. He mentally abused me everyday. He made me hate myself.

We broke up in August last year and he has been stalking me online daily since then.
He made fake accounts to message me. He messaged my friends. He called my family. He sent me letters. I just wanna erase him from my brain. But he always finds a way back into my life.
I just wanna kill myself so he is finally gone.",0.15896103896104208,2.5015854805194806,1.8181948051948067,95.74157792207797,90.2987012987013,4.378701298701299,18.089610389610392,5.985473137389443,-0.2660015584415585,580,16,125,5,20,188,91,154,0.174,0.763,0.063,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,1,2,19.0,1,0,1,1,6,8,3,0,4,0,4,3,1,5,1,20,14,6,2,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,9,0,33,2,21,5,2,24,0,1,0,1,34,9,0,0,11,75,34,0,0.0,0.1850012239658178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598431787580268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006257769084842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430468526337814,0.15943713535801973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512509731550002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943911542051811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104452951444196,0.1427097917323491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063393496003097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541566376577906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454931507772522,0.0,0.0,0.12727552874688602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028681000495387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432323811578688,0.10422514479074244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573531236949272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652749090121386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139562524018412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288882670222946,0.0,0.0,0.12916121925172416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25099999664726463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347808797528494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393723785064074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109901216457615
suicidewatch,reddit_save_me,2019/01/19,"I have given up fully. my life has succumb to hate, and thoughts that i once thought could never affect me, everyday i wake up, i wake up with a feeling of misery in my gut, i wake up to nothing on my phone, but just a few snapchats, which are all streaks. no goodmornings from anyone, not even a good morning from anyone in my family. I mean nothing to no one. if i was gone it would take a solid 3 months just for anybody to notice. I get ready, i get dressed and i walk to school with the same friend, and i must fake a smile on my face, just so i get through the day without being sent to the guidance counsellor. I sit in class, to learn shit i already know, sitting around the same people that told me im not good enough, and its true. I'm not good enough for anyone. I told my crush i liked her and i got hard friendzoned. but thats not why im considering suicide. I feel worthless. I have no point in being here, in this society. I'm no ones 1st choice, i'm nothing important to anyone. I care so much for everyone, just to be ignored and left on open by people i want to talk to, who i once helped. my life consists of people reminding me i'm not good enough, feeling worthless, and slit wrists with blood dripping down on the butcher knife. I deserve the pain i've been through. multiple heartbreaks and multiple years of bullying and being left out have lead me to the thought of suicide. reddit truly made my life just a tad better. i dont know where im going with this. goodbye.",2.6616831683168307,4.26832194059406,3.662872607260727,90.38864554455448,75.46864686468645,6.4321584158415845,26.3114191419142,7.087006719466742,1.1035762112211225,1160,43,246,12,25,373,159,303,0.232,0.662,0.107,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,0,2,11,17,2,0,13,0,15,12,8,3,4,53,43,14,2,5,14,0,4,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,9,16,0,1,10,0,0,5,12,8,0,2,12,4,37,9,45,24,8,33,0,3,0,0,9,21,1,1,6,161,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360029044679682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26257580268924263,0.0,0.0,0.08357421371114387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303033369446998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571818806016877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495653645405947,0.0,0.0,0.060545637641450385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002812216254074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29101327222567386,0.0,0.0620076781548748,0.0,0.0,0.08970755459462447,0.0,0.0,0.08850288434968175,0.0,0.1424075377283595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253241846372539,0.0,0.14714723008136096,0.0,0.053354876101044835,0.3149725428986853,0.07508540935202962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409915705614146,0.09268829500803746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292662085775913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30422357022801244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318935616665756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040044988748373,0.0,0.19893330322746444,0.045865635104880335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883270575969532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226420009243016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493511558723834,0.0,0.0690135185779254,0.0,0.07240700519587047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27024476514288026,0.10688442182352592,0.0,0.19996092796809714,0.1272327251151302,0.0,0.09989626580966113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525630752379272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874812341053709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501283393195156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636775082150532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538169310661228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058701399498639,0.07545819009072798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235936701778212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941510918924894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537359179420264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471322302322926,0.0,0.0,0.0904981718406212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666905442051864,0.0,0.0,0.060456444978751675
suicidewatch,YuaStar,2019/01/19,"Hey. I’m a 13 years old girl. Hi. I’d like to tell my “friends” about my suicidal thoughts, but I feel that if I do so, I’ll feel bad because I’ve needed to tell them directly for them to understand. My life is completely fucked up for my age, I know that. I’m one of the smartest kids of my school and one of the most “mature” ones. Adults I’ve talked to about it just don’t understand why I’m interested in so many things in life and so “mature” : I’m trying to make my life better when I know completely nothing will help it. I’m running away from my “true self”.

I’m pretty sure something’s wrong with me : I’m 99% sure I have a mental illness. I’d really like people to understand how I feel and to talk to me without having to tell them all of my story.

Sorry if I made mistakes, English isn’t my mother tongue.",1.450517241379309,2.971476350574715,3.378827586206896,91.49893103448277,78.59770114942529,6.708965517241379,22.51954022988506,7.554174236665415,0.7566464367816099,631,19,145,9,15,213,97,174,0.149,0.643,0.208,0.9003,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,8,12,1,0,4,0,7,5,0,3,4,28,27,11,1,4,5,1,3,2,1,1,4,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,2,3,21,8,24,24,2,9,0,0,0,1,17,4,1,3,6,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855093645980247,0.0,0.10535562743249864,0.07691859341205373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159658948796672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645961604378052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914022842102865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748690831053332,0.11665203885305392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457627427548177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869124339584624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673755143204868,0.12329104857602435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939524456506327,0.08422660785485961,0.12792744135299264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271604838813047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356140221230068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107380028081875,0.0,0.13240543574254654,0.0,0.25650995658447234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747782096059087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837115113434625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083459782238035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277016212341026,0.0,0.0,0.1316340059601958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714007994208353,0.0,0.1412489811883913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380212235344099,0.0,0.2378476634114087,0.0,0.0,0.20283856003870976,0.3308625227264385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382886104541908,0.0,0.0,0.10017339411866863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566842356178937,0.0,0.0,0.3940757266144607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385847019130466,0.0,0.0,0.1216337076215064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795880495460636,0.0,0.08125624421818921
suicidewatch,Wild-King,2019/01/19,"I want to fucking kill myself I hate this sub and all others or any other forum or chat that tries to talk about any of this shit but I just want to fucking yell it so whatever the fuck. That's it. No one fucking understands how much I want to, and it's not for some stupid reason like I always hear. I don't give a fuck. I WANT TO MURDER EVERYONE AND KILL MYSELF. It's impossible to talk about or explain why. It never works. That's it. I hope to do it eventually but for other reasons that's also going to be impossible. What a fucking joke. Here's to killing myself, hopefully soon.",0.4701928374655608,2.835910123966946,2.8667438016528948,88.87708539944904,88.25619834710743,5.540716253443526,19.63691460055097,7.03164865440522,0.5264739393939397,459,14,95,7,15,157,68,121,0.294,0.565,0.142,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,17,13,0,3,0,3,7,1,3,2,24,21,11,4,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,17,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,13,0,1,0,2,11,4,14,20,3,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,7,6,3,69,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459569437246718,0.09842594870737516,0.0,0.0,0.16088119309802212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303023711268753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6561378116442015,0.0,0.11347361597102246,0.06722638159150689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678592744692864,0.0,0.0,0.13332033353849762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349753937478517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926078563965473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057790044937188374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869560473930387,0.0,0.09123179204797158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015570791803925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432416472325609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142198920249955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015248284474615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031048651972683,0.0,0.0,0.1231430516799281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790797380917545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067374506881202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611582248996907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontTalkToMeOrMyself,2019/01/19,"How to make my funeral less miserable? Where I live (Greece) you are legally obligated to bury your relative's dead body and hold a funeral. This seems extremely unnecessary to me. I just want to stop existing. I want my death to have the least impact that it can (as does my life). 

​

I'm male. My mom is 62, she had me when she was 40. She's really good to me and I don't want her to have to deal with the aftermath.  I want her to have an easy time forgetting about me. I've avoided making new memories with my family or even taking photographs. I also thought about throwing my childhood albums in the trash but I can't bring myself to do that. I don't feel like those belong to me. 

​

I know nothing matters after I'm dead but as long as I'm alive I'll keep worrying about this. What can I do?",0.7388922155688641,3.118952514970061,2.8581167664670666,89.44358233532938,86.7245508982036,6.932814371257485,21.523652694610767,8.07648339933343,1.3047726946107785,638,22,136,15,20,215,103,167,0.162,0.759,0.079,-0.9412,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,2,5,0,14,2,1,3,0,25,30,11,5,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,1,29,2,21,27,2,12,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,2,9,89,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417386438580855,0.0,0.33648215822573146,0.3773537699202028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247621939811245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160082355335554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358827492934997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025580884937311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463800438135182,0.0,0.07851202351661915,0.11092894035995401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023783057566132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801611351054968,0.0,0.0,0.08533542487205045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109675768785679,0.07585982903857037,0.0,0.1371112251597427,0.13741404539719254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729537614171506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818569399793355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499661700405453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899115380123393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947354397632784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413571008672797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298173785992844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167479486931398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327150494416815,0.09054246794450796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36634235607153537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768993847494012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773537699202028,0.0
suicidewatch,kindofsad2314,2019/01/19,"I planned a get together to see my friends one last time and no one came I didn’t tell them why I wanted to hang out and I planned it a while ago so it wasn’t last minute. Everyone flaked. I try not to be a downer when they’re around. I honestly don’t think anyone knows how depressed I’ve been these past few months and I don’t know how to tell anyone. I had a therapist who I’d get all this stuff out to but she left so I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about how hopeless and useless I’ve felt in almost 7 months. I don’t feel like it’s fair to dump it all on my friends and even if I felt I could go to them I don’t know how to tell them.
I’ve planned to jump from a bridge on Monday January 21st. It’ll been cold enough that if I manage to survive the fall I’ll freeze to death in the river. Tomorrow I’m gonna watch the lunar eclipse alone. I’ve always liked stargazing.
Sorry, I have no one to talk to so I’m just shouting into the internet void again. If you’re reading, thank you for giving me a couple minutes of your time ",0.7154948240165666,2.307308321739132,2.37968944099379,97.50876811594203,81.0,5.598343685300208,20.082815734989648,6.42735559955562,-0.11410973084886145,814,21,200,7,21,267,128,230,0.121,0.763,0.116,-0.29600000000000004,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,3,4,13,10,1,0,10,0,15,0,0,4,2,32,33,18,1,5,6,0,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,0,7,1,0,5,10,4,0,3,9,8,24,6,27,20,4,27,0,3,2,0,15,9,0,4,15,116,34,2,0.12952859734921773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481928624173,0.0,0.12970417987811966,0.13415256307272375,0.0,0.0,0.10777816931413996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717082208694116,0.0,0.0,0.11530791329816215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481462085554438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341804514545784,0.14332092929361326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156279109676827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383766623834453,0.0,0.08555241693586238,0.0,0.0,0.12377012559327047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549355071865058,0.09253525582731867,0.2487355325036242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014694600485494,0.0,0.1353466920385265,0.12425563335104688,0.07361408686125773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355658891299076,0.21116618958241284,0.0,0.0,0.14073320001548592,0.0,0.0,0.12656225984531125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677698125848806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633157893708324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364970263611808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956364962721562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321752196329448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499666006999185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827925451944932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082203601864748,0.33964110986174073,0.11925252972327267,0.0,0.15039268493821029,0.0,0.08299669504584996,0.0,0.0,0.15105833351143208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794141511968473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639932268680567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687941222314968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Epps1502,2019/01/19,"My sister took 30+ pills and is in the ICU As the title says, my sister took 30+ pills early this morning and is currently in the ICU. My mum is over at the hospital with a bunch of her church friends with my sister. I'm at home and have been all day, but I cannot shake this feeling of nausea and gloom. I'm not the most emotional person, so I decided not to go over to be with my sister, she's hallucinating anyway. I feel like I would be getting in the way. I don't have any suicidal urges, but I can shake this dread. I tell myself that everything is going to be alright, and it probably will be, but it doesn't feel that way. I hate this, useless feeling. When my dad died a couple of years ago, I was sitting at home, unable to do anything about it. fuck man.",3.1454882154882178,3.6770460740740765,4.794377104377105,86.92015151515155,72.82716049382717,7.8662177328844,25.221099887766556,8.00094639256281,1.2193753086419754,592,17,133,8,11,201,91,162,0.172,0.716,0.112,-0.9485,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,2,3,8,1,19,3,0,0,1,21,32,11,2,1,5,6,4,1,1,2,2,1,2,2,9,8,0,0,5,0,0,6,5,7,0,0,4,5,18,3,20,22,3,23,1,2,0,1,13,8,1,1,7,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557276380542254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934801494893847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442396277110475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941906609176028,0.0,0.11318487492998665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821443395587383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741718130927333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577307226687164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549582315040725,0.1253793327733274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559313324608252,0.1622496366101325,0.09169304061002884,0.0,0.19948472635350809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732728151297262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35208750952512513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857418696896546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532423945297893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922184893139565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395669791328129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919717270535954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339730194771745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899804396814545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27861212372126104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467225053566955,0.0,0.0,0.11301813689954406
suicidewatch,sadman7706,2019/01/19,"I’m going to take my life in less than 24 hours Hi all my name is Mike. This is my suicide note I guess. 

I don’t really want to kill myself to be totally honest but it’s my only option at this point and it’s just a lot better choice than the alternative. 

I’m losing my only place to live tomorrow and I’ll be on the streets of NYC with no money and no future and not a soul who cares at all. 

You all might say you care of whatever but you don’t really, just for a few minutes as you read this maybe. But not enough for anyone in my life to actually help me. I have no family or friends and without a place to live there’s just no point in keeping this going. 

I don’t know how yet. I will probably jump off a bridge I just hope it’s high enough. 

I tried my best but just don’t have what it takes I guess. Thanks for the fun Reddit. ",0.5179603580562642,2.108978532608699,2.8040025575447594,94.23716112531972,81.6086956521739,6.2859335038363175,17.345268542199488,7.285733465282438,-0.08090370843989714,646,12,158,9,17,221,102,184,0.116,0.7,0.184,0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,4,0,3,8,11,1,0,8,0,12,2,0,1,4,34,27,12,2,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,1,1,1,3,11,2,0,0,0,1,21,9,23,23,10,20,1,1,0,0,10,13,0,7,4,108,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.13136754958578314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412789265348367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127307114964238,0.11905850054623007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745036286950335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27819233677284544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269056769476926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400537489177876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301279093482356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965933574391835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023147072170457,0.14223109200617026,0.0,0.13370584563378538,0.1325714119060894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965448198020265,0.14893464546703006,0.0,0.07398241986320826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016906020655028,0.0,0.0,0.23773995952879665,0.0,0.0,0.15060287929835967,0.0,0.11444723578078055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524166947033642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280820758237878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476579921990065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28129388878100964,0.0,0.2545146581833877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514075207708876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346542250162414,0.0,0.1724792138029972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705347416728897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725001895631218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024316576927972,0.0,0.0,0.12393797965182145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139664661997374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940106362978386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976675104266186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JessicaStrater,2019/01/19,"My Girlfriend says she's lost hope. I want to help her so badly. She's been struggling for a long time, crying most nights as I hold her in my arms. She said she no longer sees a future, that everything is just waiting until she gives up. 

She says she's never had any passions, and that she's only really alive for me and her mom. I'm trying everything I can to help her, but no matter what I cook her or give her or tell her or do for her she only feels happiness for but fleeting moments.

She's not been happy for months, she finds every day monotonous even when I change things around. She doesn't get any pleasure from going out or staying in or playing games.

She always tells me that she doesn't see why she should finish Uni, and I tell her that's fine - if she wants to leave, sure. But she finds that pointless, too. I don't want to ever come home to her corpse.

The scariest thing she told me is that the reason she doesn't do spontaneous suicide is solely that she doesn't have a suicide note written. I'm trying to do new things with her all the time but nothing seems to work.

Please help me save her.",3.722974890829693,4.598642048034937,4.162180676855893,90.71392603711791,71.75109170305676,6.773034934497818,23.04612445414847,6.6274283507984215,0.44468755458515297,875,20,190,6,16,275,124,229,0.113,0.7120000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9414,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,2,7,12,0,1,6,0,17,3,1,1,4,38,37,17,2,6,12,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,11,7,1,2,5,3,0,2,9,3,0,0,7,6,45,9,21,29,2,22,0,1,2,1,47,5,0,9,14,125,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378263841458263,0.0,0.0,0.15329151466830526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033460772248297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410702766339832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923082322889125,0.09708853523011282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380517641716247,0.07268776494935184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444301043566691,0.10195144043720664,0.09496191158195376,0.0,0.2025905617111312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056988887681250634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602735634970915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058885625729373565,0.2162408437198676,0.06405493184994447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399609399960149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22663872761830595,0.0,0.11305598097712186,0.11194513579795312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934220268331387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997436220365563,0.0,0.0,0.12303482225682133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200302657266896,0.08996298132185647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692787093154232,0.1088547312580588,0.0,0.10576944726943376,0.0,0.10814700410416944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714400375824407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372026869876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220405704768165,0.11588327950792415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721175070443628,0.17926090884797685,0.0,0.0,0.17962842757365186,0.1026057358280595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013244082171383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782756862386935,0.0,0.2465699729159831,0.0,0.10622658317265952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955370238665975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246358871655006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314426582058624,0.0,0.0,0.10769795969728277,0.0,0.15304357066592122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994354728861324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017020397023438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820532506764245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IversonsCrossover,2019/01/19,"I'll be dead in 11 days, on January 31st. This is just me being informative with the post. I won't change my mind. The decision is made. Nothing will ever change my mind. Even my last days are shit.  I can't handle this bullshit.",-0.3351975683890593,1.9358484893617032,1.841337386018239,93.82000000000002,96.02127659574468,5.238905775075988,17.352583586626142,6.868970318607317,0.14911793313069888,177,5,39,3,7,59,36,47,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,8,1,1,1,1,8,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,3,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530195120659777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232276458733086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551643204058458,0.2266786171570473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426935625611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371201912952121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060614665246007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404538203176203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400018961982787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572334064809313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lxomarr21,2019/01/19,Panic Attacks and Perception of Reality I'm having massive panic attacks at the moment and it's triggering me to have an altered state of consciousness; everything seems surreal and like a movie and like I'm a character just repeating some scripted lines and that everything I come into contact with is a part of this surreal reality. I just want to escape and not talk to anyone right now until I can get myself better again. My dad is going to pick me up from school right now and honestly I don't even trust them; it just feels like I am constantly feeling helpless and like I cannot trust people and I just want a safe place to go to.....so triggered right now.,5.197364341085272,6.429235248062018,6.282170542635658,75.55178294573646,68.6124031007752,9.76434108527132,31.38759689922481,9.994966539143718,3.2753317829457367,533,22,95,13,9,178,80,129,0.149,0.674,0.17600000000000002,-0.0526,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,9,14,2,2,6,0,8,0,0,3,0,29,19,10,0,2,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,0,2,12,9,14,19,2,19,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,12,65,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395876436631545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708244709349601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414175466035498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403920489491657,0.0,0.17612248946710835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764614730499997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929501819033165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481424279276047,0.11643228954199028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514984421390635,0.0,0.18524953757719653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31849339047372005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824416764601838,0.0,0.1764904648176458,0.0,0.11298917525148545,0.0,0.17027845352539733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417549739432434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494353315018112,0.0,0.14837003620145514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099641346975044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225857172712288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,homemade__cookies,2019/01/19,"Guns vs overdose Guns seem like the best method: painless, efficient, low failure rate. But it seems difficult to gain access to one. Could an overdose be just as efficient? Seems like the right dose=more suffering ",3.8128947368421073,7.074928184210527,3.2108421052631577,85.57889473684213,82.94736842105263,7.2505263157894735,28.65263157894737,8.238735603445708,2.6675621052631584,173,8,29,4,5,51,31,38,0.195,0.443,0.362,0.8555,0,0,1,2,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116264831526885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370872002263611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901456104574603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121827929712696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535902421999629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8109853958960344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXNomad121Xx,2019/01/19,"Guess i hurt my best friend... might be just the kick i need to go. First of all this is not my first post here. Im having suicidal phases frequently over the last decade and these phases are very easy to trigger... 
So here i am seeing another phase approaching at full speed...

Today i was hanging out with my best friend at a restaurant and we did some real talk about appointments and why some people, including me often cancel those without ""valid"" reasons.
I did not think that it would be such a big topic, as you people may too, but after talking honestly to my best friend about how i would evaluate his mindset about ""valid reasons"", he seemed very very angry... he didnt talk much afterwards and said things about how he ""might have interpreted our friendship wrong"" and that im ""uncaring about our friendship"" and stuff like that. 
I think he doesnt understand my point or maybe im just the heartless shit he has seen in me today.
I cant imagine losing my best friend, but on the other hand it could be just what i need to drop down into depression far enough to finally go. I know i will be taking my own life some day. Maybe this day comes sooner than expected. ",5.835720606826802,6.328049323008852,5.7428824273072046,82.64115044247791,66.83185840707965,9.112010113780023,28.0897597977244,9.04235418022936,2.0534662452591657,921,27,180,15,14,288,139,226,0.104,0.7,0.195,0.9779,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,3,1,0,7,16,16,2,0,6,0,23,3,2,5,1,48,38,13,1,6,9,0,1,1,4,6,1,1,0,0,13,11,0,0,9,0,0,5,6,6,0,2,6,4,25,10,24,21,12,31,0,3,2,0,18,12,1,10,13,127,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232358677430907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096265615890972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405854120865926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791155427724457,0.0,0.0,0.1258650667842263,0.0,0.08404752228328613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082863762124113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068966783793613,0.0,0.1660069688718535,0.0,0.0,0.3015674803202733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091657971283124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749794370691568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446390803311743,0.0,0.3162170015521474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362869940462047,0.07954262729501838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892528917500318,0.04767379988434148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916967244780017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606914324819405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070388735893916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173424430894257,0.14471213011761175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530260887421644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224684812299898,0.0,0.09345690283305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110700609024129,0.0,0.2006617857159755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282314686570936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776048709386288,0.08883529299217054,0.0,0.0,0.10016686474444307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111708427387431,0.10673923640959268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733697717677984,0.2352989539419145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482936745480386,0.12505364033523625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849932874547376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158665232596437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24154693846410386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880528795193178,0.0,0.0,0.09406588885911774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863938224536146,0.10669096476429503,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkplsthrowaway,2019/01/19,i don’t think i can keep this up. i’ve tried for years to get better and i really don’t think i can anymore. this feels like the end for me. ,-1.8904545454545456,-0.1439922424242397,0.8578030303030317,103.60670454545456,92.63636363636364,4.512121212121213,11.280303030303033,5.985473137389443,-1.4889333333333332,108,1,30,1,4,37,23,33,0.0,0.816,0.184,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610174913937362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219527667859257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322420341367444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406325633363102,0.26006133926697583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018935908373366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235643935974527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778454628009449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332053563675361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665082832566034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471507966189299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344217933962915
suicidewatch,Whatterson,2019/01/19,"She broke up with me over the phone I just feel so lost. I never expected this person to do this to me, ever. They kept comforting me that they wanted me. That we were stuck together. 

I feel like I won’t make it through another breakup process.

I wonder how painful hanging is going to be.

I have nothing and no one.
She thinks I have support, but I don’t.
I hope she doesn’t blame herself for what I do.
But that isn’t the way to break up with someone you love and care about. It is cruel. 

I’m breaking down. I have no friends... I have no purpose in life... I truly wanted to be a mother and I saw her with me in that. I feel so pathetic... I can’t move ",-0.9916466165413524,1.0992494142857154,1.3593984962406047,98.4403383458647,94.14285714285714,4.37593984962406,19.51127819548872,6.05967700443912,-0.133142857142857,498,17,118,5,19,167,82,140,0.107,0.6920000000000001,0.201,0.9289,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,2,1,6,11,1,0,3,0,16,3,0,2,2,24,34,8,0,4,3,1,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,5,4,30,7,17,26,0,14,0,2,1,1,14,6,0,2,3,90,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226263862771621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200018173388719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518512086155876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32731414726842684,0.1541530833750699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671088537501716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263259411828352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431796124592112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524116057990142,0.10541907740807104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355490667850739,0.0,0.1947496323787626,0.0,0.14403464640493535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293397059605296,0.0,0.0,0.16642263141403388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070464720887288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462179305604399,0.0,0.2296048480324076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841053862723506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282946635915265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448642823224333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382629392102572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25454495272408617,0.17127590723008532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400391438100104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovedespot,2019/01/19,Please help me. The suicide hotline/chat is a joke. I'm having a really rough day and don't want to feel anything anymore. I have no support. I have nothing but a terrible life to look forward to every day. I'm stuck. Tell me what you do to make it when you have nothing. Tell me it will be ok. Tell me I'm still worth something.,-0.7721428571428568,1.3918989285714325,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,95.42857142857142,3.942857142857144,21.285714285714285,5.6839178017228535,0.03840000000000021,255,10,57,2,10,85,47,70,0.11,0.677,0.213,0.7558,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,1,9,1,0,1,0,5,18,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,3,4,15,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,5,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849652204891475,0.0,0.0,0.17300540376009735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711682273644993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713196470386405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630107874940983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091601721239802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849512230595696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654436110398686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033342357406278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034520997879487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23077478015370906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468185582393266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184909177419998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789385711633434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299628504313227,0.2385720651731713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.551263688863772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400198688600032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yellowkanken,2019/01/19,"Struggling so hard right now It’s been about an hour. I’m having a suicidal episode again. The thought lingers in my mind at all times, but sometimes, there are these flare ups that are unbearable.

I went batshit insane. Spammed my boyfriend to the point of him turning off his phone. If only he knew that my insanity is a fucking cry for help. He knows I’m suicidal. I’ve been lying about it for months. My several attempts are far behind me and everyone comments on my apparent improvement. They all think I’m feeling great. Well, better, at least. How fucking gullible of them. How can they not see past the manipulation? The false reassuring, just in hopes of them not stopping me?

They don’t know about how the thought of getting in my car right now and crashing it thrills me. They have no idea how many times my fall from my building’s window has played in my mind. They don’t know I’ve spent the past hour looking through all of my stuff, desperately looking for some medication to overdose on. I’m so tired. So fucking exhausted of physically fighting against my urges. I’m tired of becoming crazy with no warning. I’m tired of craving hurt and pain. Tired of my hands shaking with impatience because I want to beat my face up til it’s blue.
I hit myself a lot. Punch myself. I’m my own abuser. I feel so fucking insane. I literally can’t calm down from this hysteria. I locked myself up to be sure I wouldn’t run and throw myself out of the window. I really don’t know how to stop myself any longer. Every second is fucking torture.

Do you know the feeling of fighting against your own body, with every last bit of strength? Having to literally restrain yourself to avoid beating yourself up? I want to fucking stab myself. I don’t know what to fo anymore. I’ve never been this insane. I don’t know whats happening to me pleade help me",2.29109331476323,4.913319582172704,3.194372562674093,88.14598781337048,81.59052924791087,5.929832869080781,27.080849582172704,7.268377926160553,1.5280991086350977,1466,65,283,21,40,465,187,359,0.292,0.5870000000000001,0.121,-0.9981,1,1,0,0,5,0,42.0,0,2,7,5,18,25,9,3,12,0,22,16,3,6,5,51,61,16,2,5,5,0,5,0,0,1,7,0,2,0,12,8,0,4,15,1,1,6,12,15,1,1,8,9,47,10,53,50,9,40,0,1,4,6,20,19,6,4,15,181,59,0,0.0,0.10115209354414434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805602164896102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466627945140598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052042099030997116,0.0942868844798112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550477074564113,0.09320432816218883,0.09482926533045444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377734987981498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385951646594378,0.08157679299162357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295002441902406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735513239799064,0.04460344944147096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412314882858576,0.0,0.0,0.07549435205820444,0.0,0.0764767199032532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444636845966155,0.0,0.0,0.08479385491681896,0.1681488346900265,0.0,0.09139270283690164,0.09637481912509953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284282884250828,0.06958973521204474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433822882598811,0.0,0.0,0.07258038914025106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655400828782216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600350709140317,0.0,0.0,0.17240316463479252,0.0,0.06814327332505207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658443015273196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492940300656311,0.09084203703262304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299484462946773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807043211084284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469161562104054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581477992520167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803058801102037,0.0,0.0,0.09644628263206664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443528601488429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274995918457992,0.0,0.0892495568286817,0.09773074070099402,0.18676665458709585,0.0,0.08046228554413518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470305680220088,0.0,0.13555197685603815,0.09956242949140012,0.392491127800716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286043533495623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007094676788574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675985809210527,0.07914088213307753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10293847097,2019/01/19,"The only thing which could prevent me from suicide is the Euro Jackpot Srsly i can’t do this anymore i have a hard time breathing air when i think about going to work again after Vacation

I never asked for this life and i hate my parents for giving me birth to this cruel world 


I don’t need fancy cars , a big house, delicious food and a girlfriend , none of this i just simply want to be alone in a small apartment with my PC 

Pls god pls let me win this Jackpot or take my life once and for all 

",3.76112343966713,4.451923475728158,4.468959778085992,89.23009708737865,71.52427184466019,6.662413314840499,25.393897364771146,6.18269132825596,0.7110538141470178,390,11,83,2,7,125,74,103,0.146,0.6990000000000001,0.154,-0.4767,1,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,6,0,8,4,1,0,2,13,16,5,1,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,1,1,1,0,3,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,13,1,12,13,2,14,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,6,56,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296186379864985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987094413254094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726345334625226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701272436109336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680855394472835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126788235626204,0.12599957820066865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860337218359886,0.21888694958328575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558168237117027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267075153370511,0.3131923968767981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643908187806301,0.17099190889648874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610768519900224,0.0,0.1686159972248338,0.0,0.0,0.2461762227939369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425083571796127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669393014744174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729038662154997,0.1420590679544286,0.0,0.0,0.12927747335920145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076685242998642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140326242860845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Havetothrowaway22,2019/01/19,"I can't do this anymore I'm a 26 year old man who lives at home with his parents. I've never had a girlfriend and I've never even kissed or gone on a date. I have seen a psychiatrist since I was 13 and am diagnosed with bipolar unspecified, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder with OCD features. I take meds for all of that. I am super morbidly obese, I am 6'4 and weight almost 500 pounds. The weight has put my spine into bad shape with degeneration. I am in pain everyday. I've seen a therapist. I've tried almost every psychotropic med out there for my mental illnesses. 

My father is disabled so he doesn't get much money every month so we have to budget. My mom works about 32 hours every week at a low paying job. They are behind on every bill. My mom is addicted to gambling and just went the other day and spent 500 dollars. I ate old Graham crackers for dinner tonight. My father steals my pain medication every month and I've confronted him about it and he apologized but he still doesn't and I pretend it never happened.

I ask my dad why he doesn't move the money that he and my mom get into an account that he's only on or even mine but literally whenever I bring it up he goes quiet and pretends I'm not in the room. He ignores everything in his life from health to finance. I feel so helpless that I can't help either of them.

I'm trapped in this fuckin house because I have never been able to hold down a job as my mental illness has always gotten in the way. Last February I lost the best job I had ever had but I took so many mental health days that I was fired. It was great money and in my field. It was such an easy job too. I will never get over that.

My parents manipulate my brother for money when they lose it and he is frustrated to say the least. Whenever my mom goes to the casino, she would go to him or my grandma to ask for money and they would ask her why she does it and she would blame me and my dad. So then I would get put down and made to feel like shit because of it. They recently took out a loan for $2500 and put their only working car up for collateral. The money is all gone now and they didn't pay a single bill with it. I have no idea where it could've gone and when I ask my dad he'll say he doesn't know and to drop it or he'll leave and go back into his bed.

All of this is just scratching the surface. I can't handle this anymore. I've tried so hard in all aspects of my life but have failed.

I think I will ask a friend of a friend where I can find some heroin. It shouldn't be that hard to find here.",1.9358744140940656,3.5385398122676612,3.6445385485695816,89.76428479069021,77.45724907063197,6.536996929044772,21.732826895102633,7.34059242885,0.6010706642961048,2001,54,441,25,46,669,244,538,0.147,0.7909999999999999,0.062,-0.9908,6,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,7,7,24,21,4,0,23,0,43,21,2,2,10,75,79,40,0,5,12,12,8,1,3,9,13,3,3,1,25,33,5,2,7,3,18,14,16,14,0,0,22,13,63,7,56,47,10,70,0,5,2,2,55,28,2,7,27,280,88,10,0.06504907750879603,0.0,0.0,0.07091309608904926,0.07817635021402859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027450961056178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412604346027046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049762366247074204,0.0,0.12902241136036302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040605324536354,0.0,0.0,0.05001872536433643,0.054313262618061964,0.0793066277713064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826499363632185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193639529916273,0.0,0.0,0.08390254723451629,0.0,0.0,0.06602344439910343,0.0,0.0,0.07455187841286323,0.0,0.056924886085945176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592860440419729,0.05884061473667571,0.274033266724343,0.0,0.058461916476174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578153618907376,0.04647107396970414,0.0,0.0,0.11890735675927627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005135118441646,0.0,0.13594183278672595,0.0,0.07393777960965647,0.0,0.0,0.07171683759686454,0.0,0.0,0.057522684413150824,0.0,0.1165423930138806,0.0,0.0,0.138288255119703,0.0,0.0,0.0436010254784407,0.0,0.06524952851891291,0.0,0.06406023820733159,0.07505790178882457,0.0,0.07343249070650336,0.0,0.0,0.25820468876064484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03574927181849113,0.05302368015439042,0.0,0.06887758073648988,0.0,0.0,0.0918921743484609,0.03177969351497712,0.0,0.05743952719461282,0.0,0.0,0.07277327882271564,0.07100875225071368,0.0,0.0,0.06155100995971756,0.0,0.06594955473748655,0.0,0.0,0.14450972169491888,0.06553010208007111,0.1966625112676624,0.0,0.0,0.3047387735702067,0.10384310612624327,0.06913687489435945,0.04781855661175132,0.0,0.25084929361604696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651612882570266,0.0,0.0,0.09894550933826894,0.13843360954066095,0.0,0.14445860506840333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961768687163157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422811646075273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345927462757827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677194328241744,0.05380926911389538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194827732584343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890881082903345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552699264492317,0.0,0.04168082230100677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454383715646932,0.08832810738976361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163292994115155,0.05217844627768696,0.1584245041644044,0.0,0.06030114654947419,0.11739334942982922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094713006314355,0.0,0.0,0.18483599325215425,0.0,0.0,0.04188947319788385
suicidewatch,ZNQRCH,2019/01/19,I Think I'm Either Going to Commit Suicide or Leave Without a Trace. I'm stuck going down a path in life that I don't want to be in. I want to change majors or do something different but I'm stuck with what I'm doing because I don't have enough money to afford going to college for any longer. My grades are failing anyway and as far as I can tell I've become toxic to the people I love. I'm scared shitless and I feel like my only options are to end it or go off the grid. I just don't feel like I have any purpose left anyway. I don't know what to do or where to go. I'm not even sure why I'm posting here or what help I expect. I just feel incredibly alone. ,1.1580180180180193,2.3002484054054086,3.491621621621622,91.9963963963964,78.45945945945945,5.473873873873874,20.44144144144144,5.46131890053228,-0.15110990990990958,516,12,120,2,12,179,82,148,0.134,0.725,0.142,0.4897,3,1,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,4,0,13,2,0,0,2,25,35,10,1,3,11,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,1,5,6,2,0,0,2,3,14,4,18,32,3,14,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,6,3,72,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092307811541071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244544406937113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006017971844462,0.18226455516218887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458166421800556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172423009234269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616910892823434,0.17052186970769864,0.0,0.10900188641914774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503349700326879,0.2357973697696445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46895661293331103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061727488564244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069711054532308,0.0,0.0,0.17474474965167291,0.17930743318440145,0.0,0.11656677564578476,0.16125231252030695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489475593776672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255140502438777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441220662045502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805475690395668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652255293224487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704947123074872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051790238511964,0.0,0.15554043134360854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442449865099558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574565454222824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946799539339763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891544706955026,0.0,0.0,0.1590846769568391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jabberjay224,2019/01/19,"I need a hotline that does not call the police My father is a police officer in our county, and I know that the National Suicide hotline will send police to my house if I call. I don't want my family to know I'm feeling this way. They don't know my treatment isn't working. Please let me know if there's one I can call that will actually respect my privacy.",3.842400000000002,4.41334844,5.678666666666667,81.06600000000002,71.26666666666667,8.666666666666668,29.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.296466666666667,283,11,58,5,5,98,47,75,0.109,0.825,0.065,-0.4738,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,16,3,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,13,1,3,13,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,38,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.19765995627846744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6204797648432037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772532057669618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094647526016487,0.0,0.1024155599730537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371594789182665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44526557499614144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712149057449125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018854303080326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725338206204424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223394965992448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155724454540646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946946422471265,0.16077506666227173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474590917204395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herbyx21,2019/01/19,"I’m close now. I can sense it now. The birds outside are squawking and the dimly lit room casts elongated shadows over the walls. Freedom is close. I remember a few standout memories. Old schools, old classrooms, old times playing in fields and hide’n’seek. Kissing her. Rusted tractors, sidelong glances, taunting cattle. One stands out. Making love with her by her fireplace, flickers of flame glinting along her beautiful body under the firelight. I close my eyes one last time. I’m free. I’m free.",3.57132625994695,6.8119058850574685,2.617701149425286,88.21472148541115,87.85057471264368,4.5160035366931925,31.97966401414677,6.297961479604792,2.0454480990274098,400,22,63,4,13,115,66,87,0.0,0.7490000000000001,0.251,0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,0,3,4,2,1,0,10,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,8,7,8,8,1,18,0,0,3,2,5,9,0,0,8,32,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577449644707928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891441820967063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942583721477312,0.0,0.15488900308998396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7304632040221022,0.0,0.314473636221056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26285693719361963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348376280332849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270609655811026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ladnumbers,2019/01/19,"Running away as a 25-year-old NEET  So I live in rural Alabama with an abusive family who has pressured me into things I do not want to do my entire life, and, unlike my brother who is independent and got the hell out, I've played the diplomatic yes-man and I've payed for it and essentially ruined my life. I was in and out of community college since 2011 when I was 18, but I never knew what I wanted to do. Also for about a year and a half I worked at a supermarket. The first time I really broke was in 2012 where I had my first panic attack and got depersonalization disorder, 24/7. I was able to soldier through it with the help of Lexapro but in 2017 I had another one and decided, because I couldn't feel love anymore, I would just kill myself. Well, after 2 years and a lot of covering up (pretending to go to a job, though I do have some work history, for the last year I've had to pretend because I told myself I couldn't take it) I've finally decided that instead of killing myself (or at least deter it for some time) I'm going to just get in my car and drive to somewhere in the US where I can be homeless for a while. I figured that abandoning my family and making it appear as if I am just missing is better on them than just outright killing myself. I don't really care what they think, because of the pain that's been inflicted upon me (though they would never see it that way obviously), but I can't help but feel bad about this. I still have a bit of fight in me, and I want to salvage what's left of me because I don't believe in an afterlife. I want out guys. I want freedom. So my question is this: What steps do I need to take to go from a 25 year old manchild to an adult man in the US that works full-time and lives in an apartment? 

​

 Here are my stats:  


Resides in rural Alabama  
25 years old  
Has a car that's in my dickhead grandfather's name still  
$250 dollars to my name  
Creature of comfort with very little life experience but is desperate  
300 lbs, 6""2 (complete out-of-shape fatass but I figure this won't be a problem for long)  
Plethora of mental health issues  
No insurance of any kind (health is the big one)  
One shitty pair of glasses that I can't see shit without  
Laptop  
Plenty of clothing  
Phone  
Backpack  
Knife  
Hygiene products (enough for a few weeks)  
9mm handgun (for suicide in case things go south, or possibly protection if the need arises)  


Anyone made it work that was as fucked as I am? I'm thinking of just driving to a good city up north or out west, ditching the car, and working my way up as a homeless man to getting a job and shitty apartment. Please give me tips or a general strategy or something. My life hangs in the balance here. ",4.835565610859732,5.122341593406596,5.8659814695108805,81.60892049127347,68.96336996336997,8.767851756087051,31.260288730876965,8.671277953709913,2.3404565395388923,2114,83,430,32,34,703,264,546,0.188,0.7390000000000001,0.073,-0.997,2,0,1,1,1,4,62.0,2,0,3,8,21,25,8,2,32,0,38,10,1,3,3,79,73,40,4,14,20,1,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,26,23,0,2,10,3,2,13,12,17,1,6,14,4,56,8,78,52,7,74,1,4,2,2,22,37,3,12,22,294,82,10,0.07276417891950393,0.08621365353302317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058189487592953525,0.0,0.07883995745872965,0.08841644182346713,0.049482136855277865,0.0762995860227349,0.0,0.0,0.07216251317001232,0.050878405751946375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277975809887135,0.06836434134517266,0.0,0.06075505003600184,0.17742547238655362,0.0,0.0,0.0819803122022629,0.0,0.06435400313602192,0.07943963762298535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418792988674569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629185720066275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339405303457449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518484791493471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117732933452073,0.13719118407844574,0.0,0.07358351036130133,0.0,0.0,0.07970960132134967,0.0,0.12378634683466402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726931090472306,0.07603256050941724,0.06980203076341318,0.16541423892446125,0.0610311410045941,0.1163923220323473,0.0,0.0,0.07204797709822207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546898391700546,0.0,0.0,0.09754459065336032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594689806477882,0.14441443976122365,0.0,0.2415083491932417,0.07577269509113209,0.0,0.05931251752498565,0.0,0.0,0.07905849330115512,0.0,0.2055819658530748,0.0,0.07292882311303421,0.12850420617495634,0.06439400858858453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186150284570004,0.06567251237807081,0.06885122545787739,0.0485706544518781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332917803332993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790743335449776,0.11224044110412508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290612965709219,0.0,0.147920672362823,0.0,0.07742621662641806,0.08537308604386437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987321778078267,0.0,0.08203067871295712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962549220895144,0.0,0.0,0.08151253325449648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932291924982432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596725957768345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469138401152273,0.0601912807264911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601741986837632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621913455687505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795922016338031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941921386733684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668257446501534,0.09324869552569433,0.1429808726889944,0.0,0.08485875576397818,0.0,0.0,0.06952929119796877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750526960462344,0.0,0.0,0.06003806808988004,0.21459098990796016,0.1155136366651205,0.058367035261613666,0.0,0.06542373547521982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014207188262178,0.0,0.2648659443529359,0.0,0.0,0.10337916999626412,0.0,0.08841644182346713,0.2811464733410637
suicidewatch,ccx8,2019/01/19,"Planning on ending it all. I lost my job, my house, my car and everything else. I don't see anything good happening in the future so I might as well end it now.",-0.14088235294117624,1.9895652058823536,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.11764705882355,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.5173764705882355,123,4,28,2,4,42,29,34,0.138,0.792,0.069,-0.3275,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,6,2,3,3,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,19,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292720468937973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327426568564457,0.0,0.4935310031164418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503964366467983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368460074644404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24637364068078674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214781909820944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764771405394716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041354031142662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955608670852377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201586196815706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505035831251602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lexie31,2019/01/19,Children...a saving grace Who else feels as though their children save them from the plunge?,8.353750000000002,9.544301875000002,4.662500000000001,90.1325,61.5,6.4,28.5,3.1291,0.7645750000000002,74,2,13,0,1,19,15,16,0.0,0.684,0.316,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6030654625511722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365020773666325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7092756041694781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway37228,2019/01/19,"I have no reason not to kill my self anymore Nothing feels like anything anymore. It’s bland and tasteless and empty. I don’t know how else to portray what I’m feeling except those words. All I do is lay in bed and sleep, if I’m on my phone it’s only to reply to someone. 

My parents love me but they treat me like absolute shit. I’m sick of it. I can’t say anything to them. My therapist told me to “tell them how it makes me feel”. If I do that it will get worse. It’s not her who knows my parents, it’s me. My best friend isn’t speaking to me since she wanted “space”. I’m respecting that but I was already feeling shitty before and now I’m feeling shitty and alone. 

I can’t drive. I can’t get out. I can hardly move. My emotions are muted and hardly there. I’m upset and I can tell but I can’t cry. I just sleep. Even sleeping feels terrible. 

I tried to kill myself in October and was landed in the hospital. In December I did it again but I tried to overdose on Tylenol and some instinct made me vomit it up. So I’m here still. I don’t even have a good way to kill myself. I just don’t want to be alive. I want to die. I want to be dead. I can’t even speak to the one adult I trust, my best friends mom, because my friend isn’t talking to me. It seems disrespectful to reach out like that when I don’t even know what she could do for me. 

I’m at a loss. I know none of you can fix this and that’s alright but is there some advice I could get? Maybe if I should talk to my friends mom or not? If I were to are there any benefits? Is there something else I can do for now? If you have no answers I understand. Thank you for reading anyways.

Throwaway because talking about my suicidal ideation isn’t the most fun topic

Tdlr; life feels like nothing and I want to die",-0.1889584824624216,1.8941982257217875,1.8169667143879769,97.45862115246959,87.74015748031496,4.618492006680984,20.470114531138147,5.985473137389443,-0.0916881889763781,1368,45,321,11,44,453,169,381,0.177,0.624,0.199,0.7208,2,1,1,0,0,5,40.0,0,3,3,3,21,26,4,1,5,1,38,9,4,5,1,62,72,26,7,13,17,4,9,4,4,2,4,3,1,2,19,13,0,0,15,1,0,2,18,7,0,1,6,12,60,19,36,60,7,20,0,1,0,1,31,12,1,10,9,213,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980505229194887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458344777119038,0.09012270029005373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553705991829007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198547890115625,0.0,0.0,0.13441165783088005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956814435664303,0.0,0.06949347714683532,0.0,0.1714111148562999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041055079085548,0.0,0.08970849450802733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951703979624494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644631685313768,0.09186553988320492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576385046540866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890566635309401,0.1166873118036631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523860650323569,0.0,0.1280045225543486,0.0,0.0,0.06849926761989103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631702465948315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710607203391573,0.0,0.1795304507125312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057684543763211936,0.15959549411853605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737085842835128,0.07727626324799634,0.05451404320823704,0.0,0.08204651159024606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912972159489721,0.0,0.08680018976092893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672535195214332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534036971897409,0.0621122158014565,0.0,0.0,0.1813653618520657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169012906110179,0.0,0.0,0.08396833512259914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494569420387927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434750593956256,0.08519756489484955,0.0,0.08383105768775022,0.06755663713640125,0.0,0.2451810246187252,0.0,0.06919705555301904,0.0628720383033781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652201930811375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893315679574106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692500341402785,0.14276291320336185,0.07518894822727121,0.0,0.0948228756892578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803730106950624,0.0,0.11089446108708474,0.0,0.0,0.08501929788029818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084959587133084,0.06482427971545976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322669816973086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greendalesfinest,2019/01/19,"I don’t feel like a suicidal person but the thoughts grow stronger than I can handle, what do I do? I used to be grateful and content. I’m still grateful. Who would I be without the people I have around me. 

But ever since the last year my brain keeps screaming. Screaming louder and louder every fucking day and it keeps getting harder to say no. I thought it was the alcohol so I stopped drinking but my brain screamed even louder. Even at happy moments it screamed. You don’t deserve this. Why do you even try. Don’t get peoples hopes up.

I ride trains, I think about how it would feel to be torn up by the rails. I drive my car I think how easy it would be to drive against a tree and just be done with it. 

It scares me lately because my brain has started the thought of „just do it. Don’t think about anyone else, once your dead it doesn’t matter“ I write suicide letters in my head. It’s gotten so much worse. I’m not even that unhappy I’m studying and working towards my dream. I have found the best friend, my family is so lovely. I’m just not worth it. I can’t even fucking cry anymore. So much Shit happened and i can’t comprehend. 

I feel dead inside, i am trying so hard to be grateful and good and appreciate the things around me but my brain is screaming so so so loudly. Train tracks make me feel uneasy, every noise makes me jump and scared, I cannot relax. I cannot feel happy nothing helps. 
I don’t know what to do anymore and if it doesn’t stop soon I don’t know what I’ll do.

Therapy is not an option here my family will know and I don’t want them to I am supposed to be the strong college educated one who will make a difference. 
 
Also any of my emotions feel worthless and meaningless. Wether I’m happy or sad, it feels like I am just following a scheme. I’m paranoid, scared, I feel helpless, I don’t think anyone is on to me but I feel paranoid from myself almost. As if I have done something wrong all the time. I hear someone smashing their car door and I feel uneasy and uncomfortable for the longest time because I think it’s because of something I’ve done even though I rationally know that can’t be. 

I can’t rest. Lately everything feels like terror and the suicidal thoughts make more and more sense but I want to be stronger so I’m posting here. What do I do? I’m not in the us. ",1.15288218111003,3.455548645569621,2.453607594936709,93.70693524829602,83.64135021097047,4.996364816617981,22.828464784160985,6.297961479604792,0.4179319701395654,1814,65,386,16,52,582,204,474,0.23,0.614,0.156,-0.9924,0,0,4,0,0,1,46.0,1,3,2,3,31,29,3,4,18,0,54,11,6,7,2,84,107,39,5,8,17,0,12,3,1,5,1,8,1,1,24,19,2,4,25,3,1,8,22,16,0,1,10,20,59,13,32,83,7,32,0,3,0,3,16,9,3,6,17,252,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968036799561841,0.06528969046032047,0.0,0.0,0.052141461498863215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433912447844593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932435248221869,0.09118053945399934,0.06680644396015221,0.0,0.11608597308023193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923833436301022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842474889546403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911448870642429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162057391258232,0.04204944892250717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812148822503278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017072282855672,0.0,0.06387245827642524,0.0,0.0,0.05446732539026903,0.07334269430455788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25838908931648125,0.058978314854329285,0.10986982619238214,0.0,0.05859873035572138,0.0,0.12293197858432375,0.0,0.3626451378316974,0.13973947983733528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714898675318943,0.05037436790207822,0.12055511501078832,0.06812998344638874,0.0,0.0,0.054687762696643695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765730028089605,0.20822401053581746,0.05840756405936525,0.0,0.066915351363875,0.0,0.07348661146079044,0.0,0.04370306156975392,0.0,0.0,0.06475960944925346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159078346224926,0.0,0.0,0.1433317322437675,0.05314776735212552,0.14709982809996908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556219518550356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058846725024426214,0.0,0.17408951436677508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586092532678978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256241237255153,0.0,0.0,0.06943726381151558,0.04418209291710666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040475306292596,0.056931266174292436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244482861747538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185069616363567,0.1958336477283275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692820447185427,0.053935194764417466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524485567333422,0.10039030285897543,0.0,0.0,0.04614982054895063,0.0,0.05206984784191777,0.10902242402776552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139589411473656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456337668673847,0.0,0.0433168510551469,0.20889182345029747,0.06405995289508147,0.2070502181999533,0.07603881267111742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853481479474433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842914406649829,0.05631299470542205,0.0,0.0,0.0769148401275408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883403798092208,0.0,0.0,0.06285173305016528,0.0,0.04746732790103152,0.0,0.06644570194221693,0.13895141292146518,0.07128739352341835,0.0,0.041987503876414464
suicidewatch,ThrowAway__1801,2019/01/19,"I'm still alive. I made a post about a year ago, just wanted the few users who commented to know that I'm still alive.

About a month after that post I started hearing people tell me I should just kill myself. I still think about it daily, but I'm still here.

I just got fired from my job, and I also broke my ankle recently. I have multiple physical disabilities and somehow I'm still around.

I'm doing okay though. There's all these people telling me nasty things about how I'm worthless, and they don't really care about whether I'm alive or dead, but I only hear them, I don't think they actually exist. It's easy to tell them to screw off most of the time, but ever since I broke my ankle it's been hard to make them go away.

But hey, I'm still alive.",4.147405063291139,4.394631715189874,4.836556962025316,88.52837974683545,70.45569620253164,8.092151898734178,23.394936708860758,7.908726449838941,0.8358106329113921,593,12,134,7,10,191,90,158,0.217,0.685,0.098,-0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,5,0,22,7,2,0,5,1,6,1,0,3,2,25,26,12,2,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,4,21,2,15,22,3,20,0,3,0,1,13,3,1,3,14,83,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.12601106371750678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446487363686712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326423993241804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495199244853005,0.0,0.0,0.12132074090208207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316553987466633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680437565141773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338686231446709,0.0,0.10327608272404723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567402476867407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910750431448067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814039076548428,0.0,0.14286186473650453,0.0,0.07096580131663645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218477528206025,0.08619446436920808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306936145263856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820825711533833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790432765588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24733935641732205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272320397619368,0.0,0.12749909354343725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681666245730244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139801618542613,0.0,0.6187344703687897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338592739902262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578742466919588,0.16548101841880375,0.12686837222545658,0.0,0.07529603093324924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616350095467797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315470164855131
suicidewatch,Needyourwarm5,2019/01/19,"Who wants to chat? I'm 21 years old guy suffering from chronic illness, depression and anxiety. My life is awful. I'd love to chat to a female(s) similar my age who is not feeling well. I am from europe. 

P.S I got a lot of suicide memes, but I have nobody to share with haha",0.8378947368421059,2.953664982456143,3.434298245614034,87.36092105263157,83.3859649122807,6.60701754385965,25.28947368421053,7.793537801064563,1.5949789473684208,212,9,44,4,6,74,44,57,0.236,0.616,0.14800000000000002,-0.1386,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,4,4,0,0,0,7,9,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,5,4,8,8,1,3,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348779100078084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853979661676589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754444728788026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650170828723932,0.0,0.0,0.3280962933641153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23404779598095904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28170853094095705,0.2990633291171992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477042446111574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624516244382453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954434009497692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979304343020021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133835431859575
suicidewatch,TRIGGEREDBenson,2019/01/19,"Disaster I go to an A+ school named Suncoast because of my Mom. I failed the first semester but the school gave me a another chance. In the first two weeks of the third quarter, my French teacher called my parents because I threw a paper ball into the garbage and I was talking in class. My parents and my Aunt yelled at me saying that I was the worst kid at the school. I know this isn't true but they wont let me defend myself. They're going to schedule a meeting at school in Tuesday. Depression is consuming my entire body. PLEASE is there anyone who could help me get out of this situation with the least trouble?",5.214916666666666,6.920517991666671,5.146666666666668,81.91166666666669,69.08333333333334,8.0,30.833333333333336,8.515128840125781,2.407083333333334,509,21,92,8,9,158,80,120,0.116,0.759,0.125,0.0738,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,1,5,0,0,13,0,7,1,1,0,1,11,13,4,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,0,5,4,2,18,1,14,6,2,16,0,2,0,0,14,8,0,0,5,68,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32048865073887084,0.0,0.0,0.15508095237850175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341172253753292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031101260309326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427816301142414,0.0,0.0,0.15101747640634286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808223714102704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273818697295502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25159906572566665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772691079350226,0.0,0.16810443572869985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913099668317174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127930265807566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123280365468833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321300371111334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284401076064701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234445465127914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176121535836478,0.0,0.5987111207930479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624033700393698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887251356640666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447206445276514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863256260897065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsgameover2,2019/01/19,"I'm about to take my own life. Goodbye. I'm struggling.

I'm almost 20 years old, and I'm a complete failure in everything. From university to my looks. I do try, I exercise, not overweight but really ugly. I'm so lonely. I never get a text off anyone or get asked how I am. I don't have a single friend, I've never been to a nightclub, never had a relationship, never travelled with friends.. all I do every weekend is read, alone. I'm not a normal 19/20 year old male.

Please do one thing for me, when you see a stranger just smile or be a polite as you can, you may save a life. If you have a friend, text them now asking how they are.

Life is sort of a game, I've lost.

I have got some rope, hopefully this works.

Thank you - AJ.",-0.11670274170274195,2.00767630519481,2.2284848484848503,94.32383838383836,87.8961038961039,4.9806637806637815,18.295815295815295,6.42735559955562,-0.12399163059163065,557,15,127,6,18,189,99,154,0.159,0.721,0.12,-0.7276,0,3,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,5,2,2,7,9,0,1,11,0,16,5,0,2,5,23,33,10,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,5,0,1,7,3,0,1,4,2,17,6,11,27,4,14,0,2,2,0,15,2,0,8,11,79,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379255909248953,0.14872412262403656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004069939303241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684893135962404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055967123315478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098742821311972,0.0,0.12905653768631095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328301553692571,0.0,0.15004795706052576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484836247439953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262512048816678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042823407964799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205860740674873,0.0,0.15675407621364626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.443006227185004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069545808924774,0.0,0.0,0.3013636908698261,0.0,0.09730565670967553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762737794911544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363676454194854,0.0,0.09199249491953684,0.0,0.0,0.15417040985710626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442893852945987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011970865923396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796775351218853,0.0,0.0,0.13220565785370852,0.0,0.0,0.09540006731741524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749355141952222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454098501691914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494468543895815
suicidewatch,urinaryinfection,2019/01/19,"Are you lonely too? I've been without friends for 5 years, I've soon been suicidal & depressed for 6 years but I know I'll never kill myself. But does any fellow depressed teens want to be friends or somethin'?",1.134285714285717,3.771838619047621,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,91.38095238095238,3.752380952380953,23.66666666666667,5.46131890053228,0.3484952380952384,170,7,33,1,6,52,32,42,0.324,0.5479999999999999,0.128,-0.8406,0,2,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,6,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,4,3,0,4,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28946926176711296,0.0,0.18167891114926704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602114391023613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337947386707359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128164648235712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955745022573407,0.0,0.1468249167833967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605133915650464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29223120600257385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157578713720255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575340527968552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34408636056180314
suicidewatch,leafishily,2019/01/19,"tired, tired, tired i think I'm really considering doing it. I've already attempted 3 times, and two of them landed me in the hospital. im just so tired, and what's the point anymore ?? my lifes not gonna result in anything, so i might as well end my life now. my family wouldn't care. people always say ""it gets better"", but does it ?? i dont think so. might as well just end my life here so i dont screw up anything else.",-0.2909499489274765,1.8815756966292163,2.1497242083758934,94.06092951991829,89.7865168539326,5.483554647599592,15.95607763023493,6.980632752743323,-0.13388539325842694,323,7,74,5,11,110,59,89,0.121,0.8029999999999999,0.076,-0.4561,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,10,5,1,0,2,0,6,8,0,1,0,12,12,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,1,10,4,6,8,0,9,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,2,4,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420110435369413,0.0,0.10873055439545116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959268237431346,0.0,0.0,0.21506578736370674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556980933124887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323001668705914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435298106660825,0.0,0.3062959892752328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916067490150427,0.0,0.2314753045817316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318704519718815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827134360598512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411494588419512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27689499608942103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772471893315059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059233024517058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352839311478075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837125856673964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391655817097488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746019574748006,0.0,0.0,0.07619658254204609,0.6007583938893586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276487100383641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349817654273311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllustriousBison,2019/01/19,"Anyone else feel suicidal but also kind of okay? I have a lot of good things in my life, I'm not feeling relentless pain, don't even feel that hopeless, I'm just kind of sick of myself and my life and not having any energy to do things or enjoy things, and I want to kill myself. I feel kind of stupid about it, like, I'm not even crying and I was keeping up with my emails? Is this a thing? Do people feel like this and actually manage to go through with it? I'm planning out methods and I can't find it in myself to even be that concerned about what my wife or parents would think. Objectively speaking they'd be sad, I guess? There would be some drama? I'm sure it would be upsetting to find me dead and have to tell people but I just can't get to the point where that feels any more important than being mad that I didn't feed the cats",2.400920096852296,3.71738830508475,3.6073809523809537,91.71775423728815,75.5536723163842,6.63906376109766,21.117433414043575,7.1686216300943375,0.3505806295399512,658,15,149,7,14,214,97,177,0.224,0.633,0.14300000000000002,-0.9692,1,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,1,10,16,3,1,4,1,20,5,0,0,1,37,37,12,3,4,9,2,6,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,15,10,1,1,9,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,2,7,17,9,22,26,3,7,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,5,2,102,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.12371595762824099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138343376444844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724252662090096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864534975244953,0.12989790641791074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392584615526433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590582460277592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120482212360656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38461323122773056,0.09056943611420018,0.0,0.0,0.2317435628567257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066235692916476,0.0,0.072050228612623,0.10633444110886554,0.0,0.0,0.13965903816224787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268512558366164,0.1402598461041115,0.3960558684240314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790925344112692,0.12387357018733892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778117896823937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348995502398419,0.0,0.14077073419283112,0.0,0.0,0.17578226675418945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984513971245557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867334180623475,0.0,0.11948571923013553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080859047129993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368997318903084,0.08123351259407954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747762948660701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701759974393319,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ResidentProposal,2019/01/19,"What other option do I have.... Im gonna keep this short cause I'm sick of listing off problems to therapists.

-Meet and then systematically bullied by 80+ people
-Have recieved death threats from former friends
-My friends never respond to me via anything (text, call, written letter), but in the off chance I do bump into them they never get off their phone
-I'm a fat piece of shit that can lose weight.
-Every time I excersize, I end up hurting myself even more than it helps
-My teachers hate me
-My classmates hate and ridicule me right infront of my face
-My ex left me, and then stole the friends I had worked so hard to make in college
-My friends from K-12 don't respond ever.
-My college friends ditch me at any chance they get and then post a snapchat of them out at a party, when they are ""super busy with homework""
-I'm failing my major
-I have never held a real paying job
-My parents are 200,000 dollars in debt because I exist
-I have medical problems, (on 6 different meds and I'm 20) that put me in colossal pain every day
-My parents and brother hate me to the point that they go weeks without talking to me.

What else is there to say. I've appearently failed at this game we all call ""life"" while so many others, even those with such a less fortunate life then I do can have these simple human pleasures, that I will never had. I could end it all really simply since I work with N2 gas every day, just steal a small canister from my lab and never turn back and be dead by morning. So why shouldn't I?",3.4687625418060217,5.343072424749163,3.8342662207357847,88.87486421404684,73.91638795986624,5.988013377926422,26.675719063545152,6.55674776486733,1.0238424347826092,1201,44,237,9,25,374,184,299,0.209,0.675,0.116,-0.9884,6,0,0,0,0,2,48.0,1,0,7,6,11,21,6,0,9,0,20,9,3,2,8,36,37,18,2,4,3,4,2,0,5,3,6,1,1,1,14,14,2,2,0,1,3,3,8,14,0,0,4,3,41,7,34,28,6,43,0,4,0,0,29,19,1,2,20,153,55,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658029573426087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056933461799116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528464123956995,0.0,0.059683358344232815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994852295442908,0.0,0.0,0.10057772815936583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817098214505501,0.0,0.0,0.12628416901123946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022922505852696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178895445040221,0.0,0.1734335479320798,0.0,0.0,0.12933364670262915,0.08856272402984595,0.2474732735323861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782145398447413,0.0,0.10230500713734096,0.0,0.05564295342811984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770567605773855,0.2899894550985413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562517411053789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048117492381297,0.0,0.10575664423419738,0.0,0.0971578504756338,0.08702447328244856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637652694124804,0.0,0.13830958962182002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095331827848153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535385783501604,0.09926259680061966,0.0,0.0,0.10875289678202296,0.09863126638185173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37756058231241535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418023004238974,0.0,0.21742885643978754,0.0,0.0,0.06787656799175712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925540092795538,0.0,0.09376809319831816,0.0,0.0,0.18736805467692771,0.0,0.09842384075984788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143989910349604,0.0627218992760343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361226703190601,0.0,0.07785978467572953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050039776643152,0.08098989910469558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869414876040481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367787770999133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057090511985482775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064949865837774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853530012691379,0.11922466908840795,0.0,0.0,0.08834607570825502,0.0,0.0,0.09437910701022244,0.0,0.14255530602108005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DueOrganization0,2019/01/19,"Words of Encouragement I want to offer those suffering some hope.  Don’t give up!  Tomorrow may be a better day, it may even be your best day.  Your fortunes can change in an instant.  It’s possible to become wealthy overnight.  Many people have found money, minerals, art, antiques and other valuables and become rich unexpectedly. I read a story in the news of a man who had a rock he used as a doorstop.  That rock turned out to be a meteorite worth over $100,000.  We all face challenging times and difficulties, take Albert Einstein for example.  In frustration he dropped out of high school because of the troubles he was facing, yet he went on to a different school and eventually achieved greatness.  Michael Jordan is another example, he was rejected for the varsity team his sophomore year of high school because he was too short.  He proved his athletic abilities on a different team, and over time became the champion we all know.  Had they ended their lives at those points of failure they would have perished in obscurity, but because they pressed on and overcame their challenges they are the heroes of many today.  You too are a hero to someone!  Be encouraged and persevere!",6.302944312796207,8.345273805687206,6.106679502369668,74.76911877962088,66.86729857819904,9.824763033175355,35.93631516587678,10.125756701596842,4.0637888625592415,947,48,156,24,16,296,136,211,0.054000000000000006,0.7809999999999999,0.165,0.9681,2,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,3,6,10,4,16,1,0,15,0,19,2,2,1,3,27,28,9,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,3,6,3,1,1,4,0,0,7,1,15,12,28,14,4,28,0,2,0,0,28,17,0,5,9,100,22,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266746516201725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488169699212456,0.3005281920650161,0.0,0.0,0.14278326495202176,0.1203312229991528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439301016822804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549081884864207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28430088993152824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050598099797075,0.0,0.0,0.08986426304355426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917930810072846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051812350869094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000315210848905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875030538951202,0.0,0.1351351466164486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477328390441043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014068695061784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758805720459383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432468527744622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861769613218996,0.1533836499979211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360936640716034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130903730816368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528052338040505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229781507479037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158671681102465,0.0,0.1289659804995339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147990777824249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175094300389767,0.0,0.0,0.08024985238492471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612605855577394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665087913796527,0.0,0.0,0.08761614748223875
suicidewatch,Kiana3746,2019/01/19,"Nothing fancy Nothing big, nothing fancy. Got cheated on a while ago, friends don’t care, they still adore him. It must have been my fault. I know I’m a burden. Hopefully enough liquid courage will help me do it tonight.",2.1707142857142863,4.896287023809523,2.295523809523811,93.56614285714286,83.52380952380952,4.312380952380953,27.447619047619053,5.6839178017228535,0.8913847619047615,173,8,33,1,5,52,35,42,0.102,0.511,0.387,0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,11,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,5,1,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048676985736385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651016563183285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686640231465979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088621254949626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079569911211676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428193903358358,0.0,0.0,0.258252623511498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289692371217366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7484714901383283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764755880063127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kcx829,2019/01/19,"I have very intrusive thoughts and they get worse Suicide has been on my mind for quite some time now, but recently all those thoughts became so intrusive and so present that I can’t think of anything else. 

All day and night I feel the urge to just slit my wrists and I’m kinda scared. I feel miserable and trust me when I say no one cares and will care about me, ever. I feel like I failed at life and I’m just scared, I can’t live with those thoughts much longer. I can’t sleep at night and I’m afraid of being alone cause then the chances that I might actually kill myself get higher. I’m depressed, I want to hurt myself and eventually, kill myself. 

I wanna kill myself, yet I don’t cause I’m so fucking young. I’m 17 years old, I have a whole life ahead of me and yet I don’t really wanna live. I don’t know what to do, please help me guys. Please. ",1.3434509803921555,3.225622155555558,2.3716339869281065,96.91794117647059,80.2222222222222,5.790849673202615,18.92156862745098,6.794906146795322,-0.14164705882352902,668,15,158,7,17,211,99,180,0.255,0.608,0.13699999999999998,-0.9832,0,2,0,0,0,6,18.0,0,0,1,3,11,15,4,4,3,0,14,5,2,2,3,34,34,16,4,3,3,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,11,0,0,8,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,4,4,27,4,15,27,5,19,0,4,0,1,4,3,1,3,17,93,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.11675743152216535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391737925701472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845862765638154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439745487451402,0.2458192098599378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716190058243769,0.0,0.10305109629411313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999490470017944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822683730519912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149014027168464,0.08547526881601691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106109834674636,0.1250204020286106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846854823536035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019632547879868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808373112649074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971123780010729,0.0,0.06575442221659164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690192981045279,0.05845308950368105,0.0,0.2112995723242892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269257101177386,0.12080855417880705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879537232870495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455970631509173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255485596987293,0.0,0.08107536123663754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262671195902587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725846069036412,0.0,0.0,0.07664841910387495,0.0,0.118136187762915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514746007449193,0.2395734362584579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973260653585538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087352286876924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766644535259461,0.0,0.2849571533343934,0.06976666108690505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872064493590507,0.07057042838031953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335807089089699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192969893242375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704822971134045
suicidewatch,jereminam,2019/01/19,Thinking of ending it all I just constantly feel alone. Girls keep playing with me and my friends barely speak to me. I don’t think I’ll do it but I know I don’t have a desire to live and I’m sad constantly.,-0.14021739130434696,1.818311500000004,2.1066956521739115,96.34482608695652,86.17391304347827,5.419130434782609,20.069565217391304,6.742157984588678,0.14193565217391324,163,5,39,2,5,55,33,46,0.127,0.7170000000000001,0.157,0.09,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,10,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,4,10,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31377635849658586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6547866971217899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268333634228279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318624839369901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406701461071494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26928576923106196,0.0,0.0,0.16649951186730882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675202249810665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882505133296769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chikorita9090,2019/01/19,"Is this OK? My school sent out an email notifying everyone that someone was suicidal and said to keep away from that person because he was armed. They described the individual, but kept the name confidential. Do you think this is okay for the school to publicize such a sensitive topic? ",6.278529411764705,8.510891313725494,6.50406862745098,71.14080882352944,67.23529411764707,10.590196078431372,32.357843137254896,10.686352973137794,3.9552313725490214,231,10,39,7,4,74,43,51,0.051,0.8640000000000001,0.086,0.2327,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,5,1,1,0,0,7,10,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,2,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,26,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826810102191041,0.0,0.0,0.18340998679267706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874979834358914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26743061949220703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627115557987005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862000562944239,0.0,0.0,0.6090010652815667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25492954854339633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291073024430564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192787898882304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ketysk,2019/01/19,"I'm tired of life. I'm not depressed, at least...I don't think so. It's moreso, I've just frankly decided life isn't for me. I'm not particularly into the concept of inevitability. If I'm gonna die, might as well get it over with, right?

I dunno what the point of this post is. It's nice to rant though.",-1.257927031509119,0.7603842686567184,1.5790049751243806,97.00127694859043,94.3731343283582,4.768822553897182,16.39966832504146,6.42735559955562,-0.4819306799336651,234,6,59,3,9,81,48,67,0.14,0.745,0.116,-0.3814,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,10,11,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,10,9,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,3,0,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566940070865617,0.0,0.3093095388765775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557091050865911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42101678163212175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161642166274644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817360041380658,0.0,0.28543169657347195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254517186169028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190966486377892,0.29281433614412644,0.0,0.0,0.3425432507438201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679660196635517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymous1709,2019/01/19,I’ve taken some pills but not sure it’s enough to kill me I took 33mg of diazepam and 11 8/500mg of cocodomol. Is that enough to kill me?,-0.2004166666666656,1.2698856250000006,1.1075000000000017,106.12083333333337,83.375,4.266666666666667,16.916666666666664,3.1291,-1.3465333333333334,108,2,30,0,3,34,25,32,0.393,0.607,0.0,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6150479786553419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6585512290444093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805060373225177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306699649222687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Loafhurst,2019/01/19,Any Denver locals want my cat after I hang myself tonight? What it says on the tin. Anybody in the Denver/Boulder area interested in adopting a Garfield-sized one eyed pirate cat after tonight when I'm gone? ,5.238461538461539,7.1010748974359,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,69.25641025641025,6.2256410256410275,30.948717948717945,6.42735559955562,1.7750102564102566,167,7,28,1,3,52,32,39,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,5,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,5,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930990038989404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913526431534834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5766358025897468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276880914774654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Harry_5796,2019/01/19,"I need your approval Okay, I need your guys help, more so of approval! Like 3 months ago my brother and I attempted suicide. He died but I escaped pretty much unharmed. This has been seriously haunting me and I know it will haunt me the rest of my life. I feel like suicide is my only option at this point. I don’t really wanna die but I don’t see my life ever getting better and I feel like I owe it to my brother to finish our suicide pact. Therapy and medication don’t help at all. Should I kill myself? I’ve been drinking to work up the courage. Should I just send it?",0.6264043583535113,2.9625136016949187,2.6971428571428566,90.73762711864408,86.71186440677965,5.06634382566586,22.83535108958838,6.5431188927421005,0.6455283292978216,447,17,93,5,14,150,72,118,0.256,0.534,0.21,-0.9184,1,0,1,0,0,5,12.0,1,2,0,5,3,8,1,0,2,1,10,4,0,0,2,18,18,7,6,5,3,2,2,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,3,23,6,9,13,4,9,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,1,7,62,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017795713677556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985837588059102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282402497561229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491300462971322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430429986355105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991655140663258,0.2259446744459573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826194945822852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657942896172472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119903558428326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495397247408054,0.0,0.08690736938826596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233921625184504,0.231771677256102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930530883087188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622258753072466,0.0,0.11624810105702965,0.2345115709819085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026949769817714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948956423951665,0.0,0.0,0.16088108776395427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130592357948284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260138591967342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189251100542646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084221321011973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512483761105925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpreadRespect,2019/01/19,"I'm a burden to everyone I Express my feelings to. I need help. I ask for help. I get help, but I feel like all I do is annoy people with my feelings. 

I just got dumped by the love of my life 2 months ago. We were together for 8 years. She was my first and only love and we were engaged. She told me she loved me every day until the day she decided she had enough. I feel cheated. I feel worthless, that even the person who shared all our life moments together, cant love me anymore. Not only did she break up with me, but I had to leave our house and go live with my family. To add insult to injury, she has ghosted me all 2 months long. She promised me she would keep in touch. She told me she just wanted time to think. 

I had to move in with my family. Now I feel like I'm a burden to them; eating their food, using extra energy, just the little things make me scared that I'm nothing but a nuscence. I dont have a job, because I fucked up when I got one and quit because my fucking thoughts are all over the place. 

I keep asking myself, why go on? I hate this life now. I dont want to do anything at all. I just want to be back with her. She was the only thing keeping me motivated in life. I know I'll never find anyone to love me the way I thought she loved me. I dont know what to do. I think about killing myself every day. I've researched the least painful ways to do so but I'm too much of a coward to do it. It's a lose lose. 

Anyway, I guess this post is to ask other people for help. Anonymous people that maybe wont be annoyed by me. Please help before it's all over. ",0.6386528592375349,2.321150404692084,2.61520436217009,95.29280654325515,81.6099706744868,5.2009164222873885,19.160648826979468,5.985473137389443,-0.2692867302052786,1212,29,285,8,32,406,163,341,0.16399999999999998,0.64,0.196,0.9276,1,0,0,0,0,3,41.0,4,0,2,5,13,27,9,1,14,0,26,15,0,3,7,54,71,11,2,5,9,0,7,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,13,12,2,3,15,0,0,3,7,16,0,2,14,7,65,11,38,53,10,35,0,3,0,8,41,11,2,1,19,190,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669785456243513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462025020422249,0.052611240939705525,0.0,0.0619180904717072,0.0,0.2110244826742374,0.0,0.0,0.0578567670876706,0.0,0.09173414672307163,0.0,0.06402574709085547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557538495985492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26455062435837795,0.0,0.0,0.07699176736879505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777455207215573,0.0,0.049696900660397135,0.0,0.12678994733798862,0.07189734500364807,0.0,0.0,0.14186369116092995,0.0,0.22826893269899534,0.10750638219566126,0.0,0.0,0.06877019751024267,0.06400115355536,0.0909834180619665,0.0,0.0,0.1391207869645544,0.03931105250944957,0.0,0.08552398852021738,0.0,0.12035645393117217,0.0,0.08288799498992913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742863001238483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521669992102967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681963625129831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466647955217888,0.20063672744116545,0.08324457603423825,0.0,0.08270251903024307,0.0,0.0,0.07967084561244475,0.0,0.0,0.2125837509745608,0.0735192795266457,0.07541265940908981,0.06644042450738136,0.0665871630774886,0.0,0.1683540159163681,0.0,0.0,0.4074552636751556,0.0,0.05022489140924356,0.0,0.07559111180556691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011554394966785,0.07997077172191233,0.055311827164778254,0.055791291919376984,0.058031583368569374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219711949087733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098620274899897,0.17167572483474985,0.08006322678116701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156490834797739,0.06569876817211197,0.07861230152047129,0.0825935687879444,0.0,0.0,0.07206142765781842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002956236416167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533077625578463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997542463592922,0.0964245934028282,0.0,0.11946813411684146,0.04387445301557517,0.0,0.0,0.14379469000729614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498528195214295,0.0,0.0,0.13313976458201868,0.11944784197916355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789456974493277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053450047622730014,0.0,0.0,0.04845364364209121
suicidewatch,itsamberbitch,2019/01/19,"Suicide tourism I’ve been really considering going to Switzerland for their assisted suicide program, but I’m not sure what the requirements/logistics are.

Anyone else considering this?",8.739885057471263,12.767986206896556,8.117931034482758,54.078505747126464,66.24137931034483,12.142528735632188,44.14942528735632,11.20814326018867,7.3002321839080455,156,10,17,6,3,49,26,29,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.7872,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23782276716918715,0.3484974636578496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28413014711660906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933004358567952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789228861630372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7440813979087706,0.0,0.3205630578915524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notaspotifyad,2019/01/19,"Committing suicide on my birthday My birthday is less than a few days away and I’m most certainly going to jump off the top floor of a building. Ever since I became depressed last October my friends have treated me as a pariah. I’ve been completely disregarded by my teachers who are unsympathetic. There’s this rumor that I look like I’m gonna shoot up the school, but I don’t even own a gun, yet alone know where to get one, and would never enact violence on another person. But no matter how well I fake a smile or shower and groom in the morning  people still won’t even give a simple “How are you doing?” I’ve been cutting myself for around four months now. My parents can’t accept the fact that I’ve been depressed and get angry when I look sad. If I pussy out from jumping from my balcony I’ll probably just use a knife to kill myself or use a noose. 

",4.91305642633229,5.341256063218392,5.837711598746082,81.38299373040752,68.82758620689654,8.396238244514107,29.036572622779516,8.296473431620573,1.9480183908045985,681,23,135,9,11,225,122,174,0.222,0.6579999999999999,0.121,-0.9731,2,1,0,2,0,3,11.0,0,1,0,1,14,12,2,0,12,0,12,0,0,4,5,27,24,13,2,2,6,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,6,1,2,3,2,16,6,18,18,4,23,0,3,2,0,7,11,0,4,10,92,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823927023034726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846624930230536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677167414256027,0.0,0.0,0.16545738141904132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464378750148566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135737993047171,0.0,0.3033596746657256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326327005033269,0.15929795672091826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605905658255393,0.0,0.1840162300541391,0.16893691946117498,0.10008509656985673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483519362135426,0.0,0.09678325048831868,0.14354989226774856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603649477165339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29576936842902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056612681132727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358238016266502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193339813579332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554486914467292,0.0,0.0,0.12208972464161677,0.1537689640251531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987205055353384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782286710111751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456767007083417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406384768448119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263137777067604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041980773972941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834044095776656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510064767897885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,borednangsty,2019/01/19,"How many more years It's been 7 years. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I've tried every medication, and yet I've been hospitalized at least once a year for the past 3 years.

I am so tired.

I don't leave the house a lot of the time due to my body dysmorphia. I don't leave the bed all day if I can help it. I spend money I don't have to buy things I don't need. As a result, I fail to see my pdoc consistently, and have yet to find a therapist. 

I had a panic attack at work yesterday after being cornered by a customer, and it was beyond humiliating.

I can't kill myself or my family will feel they've failed, besides I'm all my mom and grandma have.

I want so badly to make a difference in this world but I don't know if I can live to do so. 

Bipolar disorder, panic disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, EDNOS, hashimotos disease, fuck.

I'm a pathetic excuse of a human being.

I think I should break up with my SO so he doesnt have to deal with this bs anymore.

I'm terrified that consciousness exists after death.

​",2.126014271151888,3.603362376146791,4.343425076452601,85.49359836901122,76.61467889908258,7.780224260958207,23.120285423037714,8.515128840125781,1.3580511722731905,810,24,176,16,18,281,126,218,0.248,0.7090000000000001,0.043,-0.9937,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,3,2,13,0,25,6,2,4,2,26,38,16,2,5,4,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,8,6,0,0,6,0,3,0,8,8,0,0,4,2,23,0,21,30,6,21,0,2,1,1,6,7,1,4,13,113,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336627578894183,0.14989842508578574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234203108981145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034217066524954,0.0,0.0,0.10300218068702716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740549130646789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955833357981261,0.12718088362491792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888711322110932,0.4241508803202713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393786965767912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629478638188614,0.0,0.062375572280240286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275070264203554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140462515032778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268699923352671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234327288360413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648185956715886,0.0,0.1355931416299537,0.0,0.0,0.2612452529760542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089309732740934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487802561117207,0.0,0.0,0.08234514370369099,0.12506978269872107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242743132990538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448017254253068,0.0,0.0,0.09068532013907213,0.09147141629598726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137658491950158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894776328647042,0.0,0.0,0.11776306032546577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830360289162557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275292861019244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323287845670832,0.08195628181057636,0.07904543720789949,0.0,0.0,0.07193341861209987,0.14178655915614635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375475195701118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276214867145983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898090606193715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989842508578574,0.3177645296364835
suicidewatch,BuzzJump123,2019/01/19,I think today is the day I would tell my story but when I have told it people think I am lying and making stuff up. Things where ok I started using melatonin so I could fall asleep and yesterday I spend the day playing with friends but today I woke up and cant get the thought of killing myself out of my head. I have gone to counseling and it hasn't helped at all. Any tips on how to make it through today? ,1.4705813953488374,3.3254062325581444,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,79.69767441860466,5.230232558139536,21.21511627906977,5.985473137389443,-0.007948837209302617,320,9,72,2,8,102,61,86,0.119,0.779,0.102,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,1,8,2,2,4,1,18,19,9,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,12,3,11,13,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834465151450626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624284957604864,0.0,0.0,0.26240104765213346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717550706406733,0.0,0.10628783189169193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087858313464491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636004080152125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250737372471885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715925661670313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410381260891312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399429209309794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328875606786527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781356724116348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515500665429714,0.26070940154453914,0.0,0.16150685551312327,0.0,0.0,0.5785056212612942,0.1943934957571993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570490441341494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445163462606868,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neon_Yellow_Pepsi,2019/01/19,Aftermath of a death Is it weird that i keep picturing the reaction of my friends and family if i kill myself? And to mane it Even worse it makes me kinda want to do it more,5.132432432432432,4.212308864864866,6.614189189189191,80.59263513513514,68.45945945945945,11.724324324324325,29.31081081081081,11.20814326018867,2.9725243243243233,136,4,31,4,2,47,30,37,0.294,0.615,0.09,-0.8832,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750154766509406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925265974903675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216946389546232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37009823213440896,0.4606634710100763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779373012623695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455920814051645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42432743052853533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snooZygal,2019/01/19,"Will 7 30mg of Codeine kill me? If not can I mix it with another drug? I have paracetamol, ibuprofen, and cough syrup. ( I know) I just need an answer, I don’t care if I end up in hospital or if it will lead to slow death. This is all I have right now ",-0.9511904761904759,0.7686300714285714,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,87.57142857142858,5.8761904761904775,18.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.0978595238095239,188,5,51,3,6,64,45,56,0.162,0.78,0.058,-0.7757,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,1,13,10,5,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,5,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942630846372076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833515174155962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360343246551471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33301958320726993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159822775892712,0.0,0.20663677964087887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787952055005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210973038374881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,damnifuckonyohoe,2019/01/19,"I'm getting much better but I'm still plagued with those horrible thoughts. Last four years of my life were hellish. Lots of verbal and emotional abuse delivered from my parents to I, but mostly from me to my parents. I said some horrible things. I couldn't begin to describe the things I said. I would say the things that I knew would be the most hurtful.

Now things have resolved greatly. Things are peaceful. But it doesn't change the fact that I said those things. I regret every nasty comment. My father seems to have aged 8 years in 4. He's quieter so it was easier for me to dish out verbal venom onto him. 

I've apologized profusely. He knows that I didn't mean the things I said. I just didn't know what else to say. I felt trapped so I lashed out. It's been a long time and I've been forgiven. But I think about those times every day. It's incredibly painful for me to think about how much pain I inflicted on my parents. It was completely unjustified. I was abusive. 

Thinking about those things I said is like the ultimate form of remembering some awkward convo from a long time ago, and not being able to stop thinking about it. When I do think about those Things, I tell myself that I don't deserve such good parents. I don't deserve to live. I wish I was dead. All the usual bullshit. I wish I could move past it. The regret is eating me up, especially since my dad is older, now 75. He never deserved to hear his son say such things. His father was abusive and his son was too.
I don't truly want to die, but I can't seem to stop thinking about how much I want to die. 

Idk why I wrote this. I dont know what I hope for this post to achieve. I guess I just wanted to share my feelings. Love you all.",1.1677453580901869,3.5241857126436784,2.3687356321839097,93.9729045092838,84.11494252873564,5.293368700265252,21.27939876215739,6.67199483983844,0.3473982316534041,1340,43,288,15,39,427,169,348,0.264,0.638,0.098,-0.9974,4,1,0,0,1,2,41.0,0,1,0,3,19,15,1,1,10,0,30,6,0,2,4,60,65,14,3,12,8,9,2,1,0,2,3,9,0,0,30,7,2,2,18,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,20,11,50,8,37,39,11,30,1,3,0,1,32,6,0,9,23,193,80,1,0.07143823987490001,0.253927897752974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332568931235362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631813178023633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557218541507425,0.0,0.07490163533944155,0.0,0.0,0.05703762155762336,0.0,0.0,0.04607175478118047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828322869325364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372508508913461,0.0,0.0,0.073099153968159,0.05967748266075535,0.08035840453504806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120379596401249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036121320559688336,0.0,0.06859191329192685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03732353183001896,0.0,0.0,0.05991900624273223,0.0,0.07876091166121878,0.07869727524058066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051608831214037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095429126240088,0.0,0.0,0.07647611330690099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778176509161264,0.05823170023290662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504589415033888,0.03490111551799868,0.0,0.0630812746187635,0.12644118851795694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073423688600675,0.06447580062219918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781718606141927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592754335734188,0.15754597829184513,0.0,0.05509757461931476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203064799461175,0.0,0.31729484494148524,0.0,0.06819588336592458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841808644672318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092559972567809,0.0,0.3397706265667676,0.17043166700854473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006938109891886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909445024691873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705067064463156,0.11945113465609733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062440170418543835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4746039224874234,0.2746484373728222,0.0,0.0567139827318419,0.12496863648648365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867912850369377,0.0,0.12640837433756574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446189997968903,0.0,0.1643009005429829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014953518877903,0.0,0.0,0.0920077685694765
suicidewatch,tttrrrxxx,2019/01/19,"Why do they say they never suspected? I'm in a terrible place today.  I send my brother a text and all he responds with is that he hopes I get help and can be at peace.  

How can I be at peace if even my own family doesn't care?  Will he tell people he never suspected?",1.0174137931034473,2.4308003965517244,3.5822758620689648,90.04031034482759,79.51724137931033,7.398620689655173,20.220689655172414,8.238735603445708,0.8108993103448272,205,5,48,4,5,72,42,58,0.08800000000000001,0.6609999999999999,0.251,0.8639,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,3,11,12,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,2,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055573939419144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794466365663368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825242646803161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657743166209506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008781681782484,0.0,0.0,0.29766316708365265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622840498585558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776966804604705,0.0,0.3131158156135045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383282198088969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619452403701997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840743001559538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704266783981209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shiprim,2019/01/19,"Every night I make plans of suicide and every morning I get up for false hopes. When will I stop hoping, no one knows.

But for sure, I tired of being all alone.",1.6254545454545486,3.4252515454545467,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,79.0,4.4,17.060606060606062,3.1291,-0.9251939393939392,123,2,27,0,3,39,27,33,0.32299999999999995,0.4920000000000001,0.185,-0.7096,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,9,7,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736601234424809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4452463252849547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804802384101994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248752843875555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521258768198853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637398553521902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479597184787804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904747096163262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090611842337846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28902212618083856,0.0,0.2490314012075523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036907753015884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acidbetty_,2019/01/19,"I just want this to end I want this to end so I don’t have to deal with the feelings anymore. 
I want to end it so I don’t have to struggle to keep my head above water every single day. Why is everything so hard? I just want to be loved and have motivation and live a simple life. Why can’t I do that? I have lost so many people in my life due to how shit of a person I am so why not just end it. It would be so much easier ",-1.4997402597402605,0.19768520408163506,1.6110760667903534,99.38002782931356,89.81632653061226,4.788126159554731,14.01113172541744,6.11248444174946,-1.000910204081633,322,5,86,3,11,114,53,98,0.103,0.745,0.152,0.4352,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,10,4,1,1,3,0,13,6,2,2,0,16,21,9,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,11,1,11,17,2,7,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,6,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199723773670915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988429473938516,0.15800900828359118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429875554093841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913198304356913,0.0,0.13774428370205888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749515521679558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729492132851082,0.0,0.15729363223974038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136228562962142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651055073796352,0.0,0.0,0.13533539450132895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730634753203144,0.0,0.13832722889208793,0.0,0.0,0.15538618514989833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266706986652307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062543324601094,0.1338246824090704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732384521775544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160225371837333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615975805316084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148922188136072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088747300272493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Influenza,2019/01/19,"I don't know who to reach out to without upsetting or worrying anyone. I think about suicide a lot but not enough to make plans, but now it's been in my head for so long it's making me physically ill and I'm planning a lot more.

I'm scared it won't work and I will have to face life with everyone knowing what I did and being concerned.

But from this I can't commit to it and have no idea who to tell to ask for help. I can't use the phone and I hate talking about anything. Opening up is not possible for me. But I want help. ",1.0580172413793107,2.4814887672413803,3.073655172413794,93.68686206896551,79.43103448275863,6.364137931034484,22.806896551724137,7.1686216300943375,0.5613303448275873,411,13,99,5,10,139,75,116,0.174,0.718,0.108,-0.9002,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,2,3,0,11,4,2,3,1,27,22,11,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,11,0,18,17,4,6,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,2,70,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394033115217597,0.0,0.16406354803058198,0.0,0.18638292990572414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060012813039216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050544720314447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683543009053614,0.2046099228546979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672654293534486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506312571559992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913577437224696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082009059401193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643512815976764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389924752928581,0.0,0.0,0.2661604652622938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475838403262627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996029647275585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807712555213668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024510213586204,0.1742571324936407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774748696669605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219064486021374,0.0,0.0,0.11759289299176895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218442388125972,0.0,0.14514287233036927,0.20246870997730165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gxhsvj,2019/01/19,"I just wanna talk to someone. Hey. Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm a little high on Valium.

Actually, things aren't really that bad right now.

But that's just the Valium.

Life's been... bad, to say the least. Had a rough breakup in December that triggered some kind of crisis in me. I have Pure OCD and I constantly struggle with thoughts of being worthless, abusive and bad in every way. I also have symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder.

Anyway, it sucks. Although it could be worse, it's crippling.

I'm on meds right now. They've been helping me a lot, really. Did a couple of years of CBT. Didn't help much. Talk therapy is making me grow emotionally and understand the roots of my problems so I can deconstruct them.

I'm looking for a job, but I get around doing freelance stuff. My parents pays for my therapy and my meds, which is great, but at the same time they're the kind of people who think being depressed is your fault. My mother also abused me when I was a child. It fucked me up in a way that I don't even want to think about.

Yay.

I have friends. Really good ones. I can rely on them. I just don't wanna exhaust them, you know? I don't want them to think like my mental health is their problem and be a burden to them. We talk a lot. Really open up. But still there's some hole that they can't fill, that nothing can.

My brain's acting weird this week. Dissociation symptoms. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a dream or that other people aren't real, and recent memories seem distant and I can't recognize myself. Sometimes it's like the pain in my chest is felt by someone else inside my head. Not by me.

I've tried suicide before, 7 years ago, when I was a teenager. The idea of suicide as a valid option never left me since then, but now I think about it everyday. I don't know if I'd do it, though. Not right now. I'm pretty sure that when I die it's gonna be by my own hands, but it's gona take a while until then. Now, thinking about it is less like planning and more like a worst case scenario. ""If things really go south, I can just take my life, then there will be no more pain"". But I have plans for then. Just in case.

I don't know how to wrap this up. I just wanted to take these things off my chest. I thought this would be the best place. Sorry if my English is bad, and sorry if I don't make much sense.

Thanks for being here.",1.1157127390833637,3.2740714867075664,2.7727246481414656,92.26122338505957,82.59918200408998,5.716684710694094,19.813184169373272,6.965498970235437,0.29629200048117404,1843,50,399,23,51,606,230,489,0.165,0.7,0.135,-0.8972,2,0,0,0,1,2,75.0,1,2,7,3,29,32,2,1,22,1,45,15,6,5,3,74,80,39,3,14,21,2,4,5,1,3,8,1,0,1,29,14,0,0,15,1,1,4,15,18,0,1,10,6,55,14,46,58,14,55,0,2,1,1,23,25,2,12,29,270,84,2,0.0,0.1681606390325868,0.069250284393504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062904992772617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349920827635195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428699693454949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317269241140991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370067296729861,0.0,0.0,0.06038483822956455,0.0,0.07447197108497497,0.0,0.0,0.07882461597297848,0.0,0.07921890091299973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668649382670263,0.0,0.05665869903368932,0.07851992741357817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112088654566654,0.0,0.07364906352018002,0.0,0.16266097857040587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928102253962289,0.07982455321666919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046870820618935535,0.0,0.059789934573312865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03588135294567275,0.050696444731200434,0.06813623123162595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054826338866932285,0.06560474962754614,0.0370755774711775,0.0,0.04033027685106125,0.0595209415889637,0.0,0.07823767309307716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282917646544394,0.07543104004031265,0.0,0.0,0.09513087559940908,0.07497699090896234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010932153200544,0.0,0.0,0.0704204713539902,0.0,0.0,0.14779543965000214,0.11699929621435012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710221182879927,0.0,0.1002474472856742,0.17334627094123767,0.0711242187055953,0.0,0.0,0.05959159216317567,0.0,0.0,0.1206615126925862,0.0,0.0,0.09473757294986043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764923194595695,0.0,0.07151466694945137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433289378996737,0.0,0.054731540562016234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068091534721347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480868048375778,0.0,0.15102065081590324,0.0,0.07879673377648913,0.0,0.0,0.09839451754996267,0.0,0.07414190893284245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721955425072126,0.0,0.13580525569921412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077216801412677,0.22730565207098455,0.0,0.07006804186329818,0.0,0.0,0.1818077044686936,0.0,0.05643314163028049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646026404671927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587018634309444,0.0,0.0,0.07233850307350846,0.12025453832745885,0.0,0.14036972598066544,0.23831398414776495,0.0,0.0,0.05667166143066999,0.0,0.0,0.07418661336523127,0.08123639973024847,0.15524542738029454,0.0,0.06688239897486295,0.14751680475948492,0.1600674966117176,0.17111367804185398,0.0,0.06533379335389375,0.1623062334096777,0.0,0.14143528465991567,0.2273532031464937,0.06972142443658456,0.112674420526422,0.04137947416680018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817965921570885,0.0,0.0,0.07387566084864929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556859562761385,0.11265528232801456,0.056922758436811514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231802050631535,0.0504105399110923,0.0,0.0,0.09139652611343084
suicidewatch,sossone,2019/01/19,"Why shoud i live I do not have a sad life, you can actually fighting say I have great one. Everyone thinks I am intelligent, I have a lot of friends, but... Why should I live, that's my question... Where is the point in all of this? I don't care about having a son, I don't care about going to university I don't care about studying I don't care about having fun. The only purpose I can see is helping other humans becoming an interstellar society, but why should I do this, when I will die it will be as nothing changed, I don't care to be forgotten, I won't be there to see it.

So again why should I live.",0.3255691964285745,2.415356132812501,2.725714285714286,91.805,85.328125,6.1571428571428575,21.642857142857146,7.447530270364453,0.7252482142857137,467,16,108,8,14,160,70,128,0.168,0.732,0.101,-0.841,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,9,10,1,0,6,0,26,1,0,0,1,10,35,5,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,0,3,18,8,11,26,2,6,0,1,2,0,8,3,0,2,2,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.12313158305477688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935375158521499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6432346965075394,0.0,0.1334796545884659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095290309872365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056854151446013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748485449420444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170989804880021,0.0,0.0,0.13911175422373254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457449245537738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891232937856588,0.0,0.0,0.3342526103036253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727207261127053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107124954500895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550151751077104,0.09596409879351044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927904901773967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134830199348675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034185601615647,0.0,0.0,0.20109515155130145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084980462153321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554242858610693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itspiguy,2019/01/19,Im empty right now Im gf just dumped me and told me I need to focus on my happiness. She was my only source of happiness. I feel completely empty inside and i have no more reasons to wake up in the morning,1.0463333333333331,2.606015800000001,4.0063888888888926,86.37625000000004,79.8888888888889,7.166666666666668,22.36111111111111,8.07648339933343,1.193777777777778,161,5,35,3,4,58,34,45,0.171,0.684,0.145,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,6,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,8,2,6,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764662353658749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332586753713285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613901551989806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696450071802088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551733934753973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005425326874528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711096742203159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22518353716041165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519600661260755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GlassSun6,2019/01/19,"I hate myself so much I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to puke. Any time I sit silently I hear in my thoughts: 'you're stupid/selfish', 'a first grader can do that', 'you're not gonna make it', 'it's too late', 'you're just gonna go insane', 'waste of life'...

Why should I not believe that? I feel like I've got brain cancer and can't even think clearly anymore. There hasn't been anyone. No one in my life to be there. Do I even exist? 

​",0.4148453608247422,2.364918164948456,1.81774226804124,99.30702577319592,83.84536082474227,3.88,18.978350515463926,3.1291,-0.8140878350515464,350,9,82,0,10,112,69,97,0.146,0.777,0.077,-0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,0,2,0,9,4,1,1,1,12,21,2,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,1,0,2,3,3,10,1,7,14,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115534915393072,0.2368038396514278,0.13252693458172166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932712948534434,0.1362665313026248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956609319428716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175535706649007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861546020504121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853856041491336,0.13922425638549307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165767144788514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075634266231732,0.0,0.15586551660966005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924063424541458,0.0,0.0,0.21964699267868626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983620025090744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753028615101749,0.09520985464347198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365240501055656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008573101767493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326122503729746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205757683725394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487297999991735,0.0,0.15471511360049164,0.11363768309673858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149468793740089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585134560937254,0.0,0.0,0.18785999074781534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368038396514278,0.0
suicidewatch,a0e0l,2019/01/19,"I need help, please **I don't know I just dont see the point anymore. Fed up sharing my problems knowing that no one cares, no one cares bro get a life and stop crying on the internet these people have never helped you and will never help you just get through it or kill yourself it's all the same anyway NO ONE CARES BRO she doesn't care either she doesn't even want to talk to you she blocked you from everything, fail your exams let your family, quit the course and continue being a fucking loser watch her get married to someone else while youre still sat at home, nice, fucking braindead moron who can't even speak without stuttering**",1.871666666666666,4.52296315079365,2.389174603174606,92.89471428571429,84.15873015873015,4.947301587301588,21.89206349206349,6.42735559955562,0.4520196825396825,511,17,100,5,15,157,89,126,0.238,0.612,0.15,-0.9122,0,3,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,7,0,3,6,14,4,0,6,0,9,4,0,0,3,19,25,5,1,3,5,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,2,3,15,6,9,20,3,10,0,2,2,2,20,4,2,1,6,66,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307626171900902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472454846876212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739680586866868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726476404948947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209502169773423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772569172793358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059754914747102,0.0,0.1264984346855507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24810522888868464,0.21031963433035472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698257496481112,0.0,0.1345993032167488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845671190731788,0.0,0.14749001828818814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372140769381205,0.09477940238901286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949707411574077,0.20698473015538707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727833225906405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302754159081113,0.0,0.0,0.14729571860520926,0.12684895837243287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283976931579982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272312083226285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692871345845216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369519709328264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716095717599293,0.11218534138923683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785346715896213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914626439978256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935032754990353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreeCalendar,2019/01/19,"I overdosed yesterday It wasn't enough and I couldn't force myself to swallow more, I'm such a failure... My husband knew but he didn't care, I feel so alone and stupid. I just hope this will fuck up my liver enough that either I'll die soon or next time it'll just be too fucked up to deal with another overdose. I still feel nauseous and achy 30 something hours later so fingers crossed I guess? ",2.6723809523809514,4.5083577901234575,3.053721340388009,93.77888888888893,76.03703703703705,5.616225749559083,25.151675485008816,6.18269132825596,0.5940638447971778,315,11,67,2,7,97,61,81,0.298,0.66,0.042,-0.9793,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,0,15,15,7,1,2,5,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,3,9,2,5,8,4,10,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,3,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319665629720159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348532768878553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283535120916264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309044188568753,0.0,0.0,0.23244669094772216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628441339085666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22649308383028155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141154342634236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467294700483864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224538858214966,0.22056646504541375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381958565982253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242393182803106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788636479601593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059937741902114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joyvibe,2019/01/19,"Title I'm a felon and a drop of I'm 22 and homeless. My family is all gone and my foster mom who I'm not close to has her mind slipping. I attempted and woke up three days later, years ago before I sat a year in jail for possesing a tiny amount of weed in jail. Murder and suicide in my family is tough but it's life. I do see the value in life and I'm crazy to say j love it. But I really can't ask for more then the knowledge of how things work in life. I know it will get better but my line of life is so off and on. I'm weak and tired from the emotional and physical abuse I suffered. Mmmmmmm what does it take to have a random act of kindness like a bus hitting me. I am so kind j know this because I know pain. This world is so artificial that it has me feeling fake that I know a lot of stuff is theatrical. Imagine a force wrapping around every bend and turn zooming towards your location when it hits you, you realize you need to just fucking crawl in that hole and never ever think you are gonna try and challenge it. And too it I say why do I feel pain.",1.2072077922077966,2.6879023939393996,3.4218593073593087,91.1013603896104,79.17316017316017,6.69792207792208,21.93961038961039,7.554174236665415,0.6768093506493504,827,24,193,12,20,284,139,231,0.166,0.711,0.122,-0.9042,0,0,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,5,0,4,9,14,2,0,11,0,14,10,0,1,3,38,40,22,2,1,5,1,2,1,0,2,8,2,0,0,17,15,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,3,5,23,6,24,33,4,26,0,1,1,2,12,14,1,2,10,120,40,2,0.0,0.15850754220302452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858798651156816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909265171785913,0.12506633418799362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155110704544873,0.0,0.11383701143334406,0.0,0.0,0.11831762661710354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627709692358722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170718667330474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048460579858836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210117591898613,0.1127155038446178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25223194365458185,0.0,0.1352864760518828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367754642383345,0.0698945804978221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27862277430091803,0.2940881764660199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779713629251911,0.06535819919578355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373505670191122,0.12074176305912415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507976422830215,0.15668163583998845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919624876996168,0.1031794601326318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847029164546792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570295747186267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277460956550084,0.0,0.0,0.1066054188542065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314620749233546,0.1463337156297323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058598579896233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887755375336483,0.08572088605289431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537605447015144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082790610686743,0.1455143324979544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071573177191047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739350585945347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229999604517585
suicidewatch,tobiashraje,2019/01/19,I hate my parents I want them to die because they don't give a shit about me. I will probably be homeless bad grades and stuff my mum never studied with me even when I started going to school...,3.1346666666666683,4.323583800000005,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,73.5,6.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.1675833333333334,152,6,32,1,3,49,34,40,0.25,0.654,0.095,-0.8349,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,4,8,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,0,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,23,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407547355461034,0.17577149001710474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992549761854315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044812843096007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766053101276061,0.16387222677053112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28467945965736313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238824344304595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201712766288192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108830064821607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918189640009805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295980406478322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040909770816325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300842631896412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007243676123351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paranoidcentral,2019/01/19,"Please talk? Feel terrible, I don’t want to commit or go into this shitty state again, would appreciate a chat ? :/ ",3.5571428571428565,6.0207354285714345,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,75.66666666666667,8.009523809523811,20.02380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.4672666666666667,88,2,16,2,2,29,21,21,0.33,0.392,0.278,-0.5588,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27909590308267923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137009648539152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6059044407963147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436578016367647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32557004050334665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921082681211581,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notusing266337,2019/01/19,"meaningless i was forced to move to a different country. my dad said we were “visiting”, and then he says we’re moving here. i didn’t get to say bye to my friends, cats, or anything else. i couldn’t bring my instruments, and i have to go to a different school in the middle of the year. my parents hate me, and i feel like a burden to everyone i know. i annoy everyone, and if i ever try to talk to someone they play it off as a joke, say “it be like that sometimes”, or “it will get better eventually”. well, news flash: it doesn’t get better. everything’s getting worse, and i’m tired of my struggles being fucking undermined and unreal because i’m young and i have to be strong for my family. i feel so weak and useless. my whole life feels like some joke. my parents say they love me, but my mom was physically abusive, and my dad let her move back in after the court made her leave. my dad also said that if i went against the religion, he would disown me, and that he wouldn’t love me if i did stuff he didn’t like. my mom said that if i was gay or trans, she would send me to conversion therapy. i am bi and trans. i go to a school that has a uniform, and i have to wear the girls uniform. i hate it. i’m not a girl, and it fucking sucks to be labeled as one over and over and over again. everything i do feels meaningless. i just go to school, come home, eat and shower, do homework if i have any, and just lay in bed on my phone for the rest of the day. i’m so tired of living like this. it’s so hard to get up in the mornings, because everything i do or say seems pointless. i’m so tired of my struggles being constantly undermined because i’m young, but obviously, i’m just a teen, so it’s just “teen angst”. i’m so tired of everything, and it hurts so fucking much. it’s becoming unbearable to even be awake. i wish i could just go to sleep forever. it’s not like i’d miss anything or that anyone would miss me. ",2.3672704714640207,3.516748853598017,4.032357320099255,89.30699751861044,75.35235732009927,7.780645161290322,25.40694789081886,8.360895534625662,1.4135875930521098,1480,50,338,26,31,497,171,403,0.159,0.735,0.106,-0.9777,5,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,2,3,19,31,7,2,16,0,31,16,2,1,2,57,72,41,0,12,19,7,5,6,1,5,6,8,4,2,19,20,1,0,6,3,0,12,7,15,1,1,12,13,49,16,40,46,4,33,0,4,0,7,36,11,4,12,17,212,68,4,0.0,0.08611837376695394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058125178976645764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049427451243069465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082217704107096,0.0,0.11962508771099005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558893272128559,0.0,0.1329220418165341,0.08027350571256706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285657635039173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261062592709378,0.0,0.07854532637647044,0.0,0.05803207038939796,0.0,0.0,0.0468750141294628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187812467902628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437363502613767,0.06071795737366535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800693993608273,0.06574662481840089,0.0,0.13890490059894084,0.2612939178779842,0.0,0.06851978302643844,0.0,0.14700437781474598,0.10385058955850428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056155294960566704,0.20158490292907189,0.18987133116625413,0.0,0.1652314299453335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651103750633174,0.14352033630786593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290774051747922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780947152661352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03994509527644948,0.0,0.0,0.07696161026438929,0.0,0.07432407209894888,0.0513386912906399,0.21305769109213216,0.0,0.0641810943191363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119986766419295,0.06877513392960577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702526894323193,0.0,0.2317540118405454,0.0534309288742128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925239885010909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141343444024062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074167089585153,0.2890052280794537,0.0,0.2206795455396169,0.0,0.0661685679846606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273625430116801,0.0,0.061584716485584584,0.0,0.07188610008329782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519697007586522,0.08320551914762306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842045545268176,0.0,0.0,0.08312021739387224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33415717322157257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934750396017279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535143186719483,0.06737857644842946,0.0,0.0811488256544679,0.08358274034725678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407096400058563,0.15489737941645645,0.0,0.0,0.04680596031341406
suicidewatch,uhshurr,2019/01/19,"i don't know what it feels like to be happy i feel dumb posting here but it's not a lot of options i have. i have wanted to kill myself since i was like 6 years old & i'm not even exaggerating. for some background i'm 17, in college, live with my parents, and have 2 sisters that go to college out of state. i have been depressed as long as i can remember, in middle school i was cutting myself and crying all the time but for a year or two now i just don't care about anything and am just numb. drinking helps with that. maybe not a good habit but god does it feel better in the moment. as happy as i am to not feel sad, i can't feel anything else either. i started therapy but i just feel so dumb telling someone about my problems, it doesn't do anything for me. i've tried to kill myself a couple times but i was too afraid and felt too guilty to fully commit to the pills/the liquor so i ended up just having a bad couple days. on paper my life isn't even that bad, but i've had to deal with emotional neglect/borderline abuse from my family as much as they'll deny that. 

since i was young i've felt like no one liked me, i always felt like an outsider that was invited in for a little, then cast back out when they were either bored or tired of me. my sisters used to make me feel so bad about myself and would always say things about how skinny i was and how annoying and whiny. my parents used to yell and hit me and make me feel worthless. they're aware of the issues i have and still call me lazy and disrespectful and whiny. i pushed myself away from everyone, and since middle school i've been bouncing between friend groups, never quite fitting in, but fitting in well enough until i was pushed away. everyone seems to hate me and i don't know what i do to them. 

in high school i got straight a's until senior year where grades plummeted and i got b's and c's and d's. however, my gpa was still good and my sat was good. i desperately wanted to move 2000 miles from home; i always seem to get along better with my family the less time i'm with them. but i got $0 in scholarships (i hardly qualified for any, the ones i did didn't want me, but maybe i didn't look hard enough because it didn't seem to matter) and now i'm stuck living at home, going to a college where i see so many people that hate me from high school. i hate it. i do. 

nothing i ever do is good enough for anyone. no matter who it is. i just want to be happy but i don't even know what that's like. i just feel so isolated. i want to matter to someone. and i can't stop thinking every day about how much easier it'd be to die. i never even made plans for my future because i never thought i'd be alive this long. and still, i don't really want to be. i have nothing to offer, everyone has made that crystal clear. what is it like to be happy? how can i achieve that??? what's the purpose of waking up every day just to survive? i just don't have the energy to do any more than that. i can barely get through the day. 

(i might delete this later lmao)",2.217387048423113,3.520782010920442,3.652170322107004,91.26442660059344,76.0046801872075,6.4003058945887235,21.46098314520816,6.881172211772175,0.3452888623780241,2363,57,529,22,51,779,257,641,0.198,0.677,0.125,-0.9958,3,0,1,0,2,3,66.0,0,0,4,6,42,39,9,1,18,0,59,7,2,10,7,109,112,52,3,8,26,4,14,7,1,3,3,2,2,0,28,29,3,1,21,2,1,5,22,19,1,3,28,18,77,20,79,73,12,69,0,3,2,0,17,27,2,9,42,352,105,14,0.0,0.06702544358368838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121072238152035,0.061292880004979615,0.0,0.0769382119022111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039554613157054865,0.0,0.13965529451236766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629755534514594,0.043498347497511865,0.14169916289601692,0.06896831593617073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000620071141228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057763643353291136,0.0,0.057676234626920765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518584599418034,0.06213878777560119,0.14593023428524188,0.05832052818630715,0.0487231085290741,0.0,0.05871006652165161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950422982965933,0.0,0.0,0.055416438499768315,0.0,0.0,0.04725644306148105,0.06363291813109957,0.05010366398419383,0.17535381841834602,0.0,0.1494541201169847,0.0511702265129701,0.0953242544669308,0.16216334862151202,0.0,0.0,0.10665711974620257,0.0,0.2574285219492417,0.04041316345814056,0.1629463761089362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04370534869237317,0.0,0.059110313576901226,0.0,0.06429934404023076,0.18979078745037425,0.13573105930893073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24087655066382385,0.10135007384902063,0.16755159991199453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791725086344057,0.1195372734821622,0.11348736477751857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904371666196876,0.0,0.0,0.125171235030586,0.0,0.09326712568244383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039956613278287284,0.19345852963401816,0.0566973619476077,0.09990356594674484,0.10012421032890123,0.04750401665423138,0.0,0.0,0.04809324856414366,0.0,0.1070545960757162,0.07552097669866656,0.05735245407358507,0.11366305497365133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060011153414091876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012427920026722,0.08316997992957541,0.0,0.13088933790779286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108559656891123,0.0,0.05936002934322565,0.0,0.07666572732603212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562716375718666,0.0,0.0,0.039218072807818416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054177811502616406,0.0,0.0,0.05412923949743168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016847966142137,0.0,0.0,0.03623978178671152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640820595163541,0.0,0.0,0.04498622712604799,0.0,0.2290048574251389,0.045078457389592576,0.1544958674836639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038428225355512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586207355917176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040040085527289035,0.0,0.1355290965067937,0.047294519572767466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049444115712902005,0.0,0.06469199542333569,0.0,0.037582170426453794,0.03624736294707632,0.0,0.044909754504768584,0.09895814956145957,0.06501815983676201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840688343266877,0.0,0.05526004674524352,0.0,0.0,0.09771553160911016,0.0,0.0,0.20019645192929286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050862650072576385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018525165308672,0.0,0.0,0.109286443129663
suicidewatch,N00SH3WASNTREADY,2019/01/19,"I don't know if I can do it anymore I have been feeling much more down than usual, probably because of stress from school and financial stress. I really feel like I can't go on anymore, I try really hard to keep going but it's getting harder than ever. I try to hint at how I'm feeling to others but no one gets my hints to them, and it makes me feel more alone. I just want everything to stop. I don't want to abandon my family and they are the main reason I'm trying so hard, I just want to sleep for a while, reset my life as if it was brand new.",1.9571666666666687,2.853621050000001,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,76.0,7.333333333333335,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,0.7049166666666666,426,10,99,6,9,147,77,120,0.133,0.753,0.114,-0.4923,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,9,2,1,3,1,24,25,11,0,5,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,2,6,16,1,16,23,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864067238468627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30381222291801097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933726265897937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855343248144847,0.0,0.0,0.13766170243916473,0.0,0.1443975437129982,0.0,0.30979477946269035,0.10942657275788968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005277676577276,0.0,0.17410309529940038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744252189399781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361468904130582,0.0,0.0,0.08417968339268403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819037352975726,0.07483242041936003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224393420751726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259952304232028,0.0,0.0,0.14793510119103231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037937527207946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514602495857786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962526453798227,0.1574869964973092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501890070359214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532832708463203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805919517880265,0.35091750930024873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119825273293828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869803543617176,0.0,0.2710355950679651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aussiewolf82,2019/01/19,"36 such is life Last year I made an attempt and failed. This time I won't fail. May be now, may be next week, but I'm done with this fucking world. ",-1.3195454545454552,0.5687169696969718,0.14265151515151686,108.73397727272727,91.42424242424244,3.3000000000000003,14.31060606060606,3.1291,-1.7813575757575757,112,2,31,0,4,35,28,33,0.069,0.8690000000000001,0.062,-0.058,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,6,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,7,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,6,17,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401705491087346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628976130538664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319973116188435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772631519916616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714315642371625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174715581541503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889367751280584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31487252496863744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527833834918944
suicidewatch,thechelle218,2019/01/19,"Everyone thinks I’m fine but I’m not I feel like I’ve been screaming for help for months but no one is listening. My health has been shit. Migraines, stomach issues... I got written up for too many call ins because a lot of the time I can’t stand the idea of getting up. 

I’ve changed meds 3 times this year and nothing is working. I’ve told my doctors I think about suicide and they just keep upping my meds. 

I found a therapist and it was going okay and then she left the practice like 2 months into our sessions. Leaving my feeling abandoned. She didn’t even help me find someone else. It was like she didn’t think I needed to talk to anyone. 

I went to the ER and told them I was thinking about suicide. They sent me home. 

It’s like because I can still speak in full sentences and I haven’t attempted anything no one believes me that I want to die. 

I have 4 kids and a husband and my kids are the only reason I’m still here. I don’t want to mess them up for life like my parents did me. I want them to be happy and if mom offs herself that’s not going to happen. They will blame themselves. My youngest wouldn’t even remember me. And my ex is the worst so I don’t want them to have to uproot their lives and move out of state to live with him. 

But staying alive for someone else is getting harder and harder and I feel like I’m just surviving. I’m trying to think of ways to kill myself that would look like an accident. That way they at least won’t harbor guilt and maybe my husband can get insurance money to help them. I think if that were the case their dad would let him raise them here. 

I’ve called the suicide hotline before. It’s a joke. 

And I don’t want to go back to the ER just to be sent home again. 

I looked into residential treatment but it’s way too expensive. ",1.1652207130730048,3.273698844086024,2.3752065647990968,95.4696519524618,82.06451612903227,4.991058290888511,21.886247877758912,6.05967700443912,0.13470322580645133,1398,45,309,10,38,446,182,372,0.209,0.696,0.094,-0.9956,1,0,0,0,0,5,30.0,1,0,12,3,16,18,2,1,14,1,32,6,2,1,0,56,71,23,5,11,11,6,3,7,0,5,4,3,2,2,11,19,0,2,14,1,2,7,13,7,2,2,17,8,53,11,39,46,4,36,0,1,2,0,39,13,1,3,17,195,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057773311728473324,0.0,0.0679933238327029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353351452759667,0.0,0.10073484981757573,0.0,0.07030777794364439,0.09309006566656644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873869860748886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740628009686402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575169124488881,0.0,0.0,0.08457017486329214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804514812618518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914604873443484,0.0,0.0,0.07895171547285318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533302742144722,0.11805461381358358,0.0,0.0,0.07551774083681533,0.0,0.0,0.09059403304870962,0.0,0.0,0.12950443576909434,0.0,0.1408730518646235,0.0,0.06608274968716381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730650027406543,0.08795583459712354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782649699334459,0.0,0.0,0.16614536049099746,0.0,0.16575919669600253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327355267684824,0.0,0.08623901932185052,0.0,0.07344088444218876,0.09141230571699124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748793065941708,0.08977228965348084,0.0844896467703859,0.05836047151756363,0.28256476418313226,0.0,0.14591875378252686,0.0,0.13876835814939592,0.0,0.0,0.07024480887473063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376876786608654,0.0830079045512311,0.0,0.1835554671936787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676938564866593,0.13190095196561125,0.0878172846968487,0.0,0.061265380595876565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792809030112879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119776584872757,0.06284002550238478,0.0,0.0,0.09174526956552237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495224735442762,0.0,0.0,0.09359800299249256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481336134954923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400157659659498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880672420673037,0.13196884199365602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113497415173826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641083441702263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593397771493917,0.0,0.31765653081651496,0.0,0.0,0.09635858822984336,0.0,0.0,0.15790343094570636,0.0,0.056096942226799534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367178905954576,0.19675160536122868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659419032423757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015197427357773,0.0,0.0,0.11738883964925576,0.0,0.0,0.05320778237721157
suicidewatch,mrthroawayacc123,2019/01/19,"I’m losing my fucking mind right now Can’t sleep at the moment and I’m just losing my fucking mind. I overthink every aspect of every part of my life. 

I wish I was born different looking, I wish I was born to a different cultural family, I wish I had a normal childhood, I wish I had a job I enjoy. HOLY FUCK I WISH COULD JUST BE NORMAL. 

Every day I wake up and do the same fucking thing over and over. I try so hard to improve my life. I started exercising, eating healthy, reading books, and picking up new hobbies. No matter what the fuck I do I always lay in my bed at night obsessing over everything. I just want my anger and my hate to go away. 

I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. I see others and I see them smile and I wish I could. I just want to love someone and I just want to be normal. ",0.03959302325581504,2.1929226104651214,2.719813953488373,90.88041860465117,87.43023255813951,5.300465116279072,20.227906976744187,6.742157984588678,0.40448976744186016,627,20,135,8,20,218,86,172,0.145,0.616,0.239,0.926,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,7,13,7,1,7,0,13,12,2,1,0,33,36,9,0,14,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,8,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,10,0,0,5,4,33,3,16,27,2,22,0,2,3,6,3,10,5,0,11,90,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346946309467747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295713159498698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099456874224486,0.0,0.0,0.05694370679542118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845013502603931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034899604597912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317992252024954,0.0,0.079354878731219,0.0,0.08323774417576056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408141800770911,0.0,0.0,0.050180732075136514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399288462788656,0.07909599977304453,0.08717415985543743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762029625210523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197314015953207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473235212434244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414652101978901,0.1975615944168798,0.0,0.0,0.07969071513486796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783078652964774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527696379675988,0.0,0.08285994757743756,0.2595344152617033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561611699181677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832003582240842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002231616550022,0.07540442251224007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407211862822285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835990805002387,0.0,0.07481303427341407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249646350523583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866003310366675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051486190244677016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994728425751555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156238056026998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6092172319795165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D-B0IIIIII,2019/01/19,I want to jump of a bridge I can’t go on anymore ,-1.5246153846153838,-1.3417880769230752,2.187692307692309,102.53230769230773,83.61538461538461,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.7221692307692305,37,1,12,0,1,14,12,13,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7710305242944295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418479268564727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585655243679949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elbananios,2019/01/19,"Would this likely kill me? When I drive 110 MPH on the freeway, nobody else is arround me and I suddenly turn the steering wheel with brutal force, will it be enough to kill me?",3.108761904761902,5.014551685714288,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,75.0,5.80952380952381,23.095238095238088,6.42735559955562,0.4948095238095234,139,4,28,1,3,43,30,35,0.315,0.6579999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9399,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28505879190140565,0.0,0.0,0.35258788287415643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7550538874075698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667106148248208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711666498626906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24240417912070955,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,azreal2716,2019/01/19,Hope this helps I’ve wanted to end it for a long time. Something keeps stopping me. Maybe god ? Or perhaps some other force? I know this might not help any if you but consider this. If you can suffer than you can still feel. If you cannot suffer you got some shit yo worry about. I’m not sure about the afterlife.  Death is so permanent . When I feel like I can’t take it I do a couple of things to help me . Hopefully this might be able to help all of you as well. I watch rocky . No I am not joking. It is pure inspiration for me. It’s not about how many times you fall it’s about how many times you get up. Life hits you sometime . Are you going to hit back. I’m angry which means I got fire inside me. You all have that same fire. When your pressed against the wall shout your battle cry. Let the world know you are a force to be reckoned with. Don’t give up finish your story and kick ass. You deserve this life. Fight for your right to feel.I know what it’s like I know it it never really goes away but keep on fighting. This probably isn’t the most articulate but that’s all I got this probably isn’t the most articulate but that’s all I got. Listen to David Bowie. Shit listen to Stevie wonder. Don’t feed the darkness. You got a whole universe inside if you please don’t put the light out. You are as perfect as you are not. The fact that you feel so strongly means you are an exceptional person. Most people cannot feel or understand what you have seen or been through. Than share your story to inspire others. You are here for a reason. Even if you don’t know what that reason is. Let’s find out why we are all here together. It’s a bad day when you feel like you’re all alone. Just know you never really are there is always someone who is thinking about you. Even if it isn’t yourself. Find your meaning through your struggle  ,0.270724247482633,2.6366879920844326,1.5927575251736563,97.41964191481344,89.92348284960423,4.571450110387163,16.44181788810511,6.18269132825596,-0.5072473103225459,1435,33,321,14,49,455,173,379,0.201,0.695,0.104,-0.9922,0,1,1,0,3,0,40.0,1,32,0,2,21,22,5,1,15,0,36,6,3,4,12,77,74,24,1,9,20,0,8,3,0,2,2,3,0,1,30,5,1,3,24,1,0,3,18,9,1,0,7,14,47,13,36,59,13,27,0,2,2,1,45,9,3,19,18,215,77,0,0.08595744907951353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902599383609802,0.0,0.0,0.07152348354183212,0.0,0.0,0.05845401298059566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075985295639784,0.0660959725054631,0.07177087953634713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511028246967056,0.09442022156298864,0.055435443573947606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613278636186503,0.0,0.0,0.1135481688660178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260776013921791,0.1228160375950298,0.0,0.0,0.15712710241637087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490921938116897,0.0824582176846974,0.04885159920207892,0.0,0.34374012195649617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304618648509413,0.0,0.0,0.17075028412909454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280586049617434,0.0,0.0,0.2834397961956139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579463095831233,0.12142857669727168,0.12598340322536355,0.0,0.0,0.0760696375121929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429472362302265,0.08635581106678969,0.280898584011824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237453946064644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259136767753613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959207213954713,0.07505472900286002,0.0,0.09435546655180108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853533369345158,0.0,0.0,0.08641097793165424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013308589322757,0.17675714769333575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340719185038211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646817247677196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283146766260634,0.06617424380241346,0.08501411506592065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864572987066303,0.0718642763502575,0.0,0.08986138914100969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101387849281683,0.0,0.06462930417126549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710630969014643,0.055078062560480937,0.0,0.0,0.15036743942927652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948473594403218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069993054780874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728606979711812,0.0,0.07756322796832582,0.0959684221797998,0.0,0.0,0.09321718682744487,0.0,0.08729396201411715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RandyRocketeer,2019/01/19,I wish i was dead. I’m destroying my marriage with my adhd and disordered eating and body dysphoria. I feel like a living walking trash can. ,2.607777777777777,5.3022134814814805,4.527407407407409,78.63333333333334,80.85185185185185,8.044444444444443,27.51851851851852,8.841846274778883,2.8805407407407406,112,5,19,3,3,38,22,27,0.254,0.579,0.16699999999999998,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210896766803614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891941221295511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015667946999242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35852706885659713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771630789206623,0.2503121399159454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171178378506871,0.0,0.3093926982883373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029206706539568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idonthaveaname333,2019/01/19,"heartbroken Hello so I'm 15 and I have been depressed for over 2 years now. At the start of the year, I slowly got motivated 

I was being nice to everyone and doing positive things. My life goal was to become a navy seal or a marine. 

But now I have realized that I probably have diabetes (not diagnosed yet) (I'm pretty sure that I have em) 

and there's no way for me to become a seal or a marine when I have diabetes. 

I'm heartbroken and there's no point of living now. 

All my dreams are crushed. That's all I ever wanted and now I just can't have it. :( I have no motivation to live.",-0.2779573170731702,1.957701463414633,2.7577184959349594,88.98340701219514,91.27642276422763,6.652235772357725,18.256605691056908,7.8658589789855275,0.8796995934959355,452,13,99,11,16,160,71,123,0.163,0.6659999999999999,0.171,0.0274,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,11,3,0,0,6,0,14,4,0,2,4,18,20,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,13,2,10,15,2,14,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,10,73,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4914829496422968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916449334112008,0.2258398981129186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012702996333344,0.0,0.21261495203220487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795915605815507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716325830247646,0.0,0.0,0.39295547475138204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034101405557915,0.0,0.0,0.2263695885046229,0.23990015498979145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749158369230826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971019273979666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782374865364542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124038010373734,0.17661568164625294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28657439626528763
suicidewatch,throwawayforwhen,2019/01/19,"Gonna fucking do it Fucked it all up
Did it wrong she says doesn’t feel the same and she’s worse than me and I’m worried I’m pushing her over the edge and I’m there too don’t need this fucking stress can’t do it because she’s feel guilty fucking love her so much she doesn’t believe me when I tell her she deserves the best in life god oh my fuck",-1.4852613636363614,0.489929087500002,0.2263636363636365,106.39318181818184,95.625,2.9090909090909087,17.272727272727273,3.1291,-1.3050000000000002,277,8,72,0,11,88,51,80,0.243,0.64,0.117,-0.8925,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,5,1,3,0,7,7,0,0,1,8,20,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,3,12,2,4,18,4,5,0,0,0,6,11,3,5,0,1,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530684118261664,0.0,0.0,0.1946301757253046,0.18129054393593624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746952550847877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7985232948371844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201848549081595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591368562894234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699118064171622,0.1280919903307759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737779184726562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788462512909555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099117819876362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543608476957,0.17604708298912222,0.0,0.1888750862261825,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nestamahn,2019/01/19,I called the suicide hotline AMA After almost a year of the worst life crushing depression I wanted to talk a professional into letting me have the authority to let go. She didn't care about my situation and just tried to push a case worker on me. Last time I reach out.,6.598805031446545,6.487610641509434,7.552830188679247,72.37880503144656,65.22641509433961,10.085534591194973,32.76100628930818,9.725611199111238,3.0290553459119502,216,8,40,4,3,73,44,53,0.29600000000000004,0.6629999999999999,0.041,-0.9519,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,9,4,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660585018168557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27130770623643397,0.0,0.27089715974594425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288455860528535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100248643741745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657960478785068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433890969924214,0.187670591191868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29865606014467605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906308532053524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135582566846985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493083545483502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039172813384816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671576161211312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110101606588962
suicidewatch,Depressed_Bitch123,2019/01/19,"Really liking the idea of killing my self and leaving my phone logged into this account so my parents can see my post history. Then they can see that I was deeply, deeply troubled by myself. They think I’m lazy. They think I’m apathetic and stupid. But I’m constantly obsessing.

They can look over my post history and see my deep self-hatred and flaws. And then they’ll understand.",2.8112671232876707,5.5232551095890425,3.4865582191780864,86.31833047945206,80.09589041095892,7.485616438356162,24.19349315068493,8.472884824447931,1.8624808219178075,305,11,58,7,8,96,45,73,0.227,0.737,0.037000000000000005,-0.938,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,15,9,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,13,1,4,13,0,8,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,4,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133497997303628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23121405337697065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22660024333571424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687218390200916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000634961715242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719951349947507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274256211500835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923171411351653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121135010444535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896391448650781,0.0,0.427338691772693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624775975751429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132222650755356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trans_Vegan_Panic,2019/01/19,"uhm hello So i, uh, just woke up from a scuicide attempt and idk what i should do.",-2.206666666666667,-0.4791972222222203,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.55555555555556,2.4000000000000004,17.11111111111111,3.1291,-1.1556888888888883,62,2,15,0,3,21,17,18,0.085,0.915,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Togezzo,2019/01/19,"I’m Worthless I cheated on my girlfriend of 5 years. Nothing physically happened with this other girl, but things were sent back and forth over the phone. I had a bad habit of cutting myself back in middle school, so now at times I find myself desperately searching for something to just slice my neck open for doing something so disgusting. I’ve already told my girlfriend about what happened, and we’ve already discussed the situation at length. That still doesn’t change what a pile of garbage I am. All that has been running through my head since we talked a week ago is how I don’t deserve to live anymore. Airing out my thoughts on posts like this is helping in the short term, but I feel like these feelings will only keep bubbling up and getting worse as time goes on.",6.730136054421768,7.347097387755108,5.710612244897963,83.211768707483,64.91836734693878,7.6217687074829925,35.38095238095238,6.937597516519254,2.294776870748299,624,28,115,4,9,186,106,147,0.156,0.785,0.06,-0.9423,0,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,0,0,9,7,3,0,6,0,11,2,2,1,1,17,21,9,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,6,2,14,2,21,14,2,27,0,1,0,0,10,14,0,0,12,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961736681272586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725160133432594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673889725495081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595698827419199,0.14092809349309648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785517300935362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068513352557074,0.12057975421548625,0.0,0.0,0.1542660694886664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818298881855229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985113342925768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322169719161618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313276166505185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002351046424106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491926291945,0.0,0.14903989685918267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195337886883918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836829642147524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616489934445485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081902936822355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962036789806878,0.18972096573883207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598772671497941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479160210396138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566267056524905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121329904698042,0.0,0.0,0.13399612147838474,0.19683931885377728,0.0,0.0,0.16128092141558048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538882771702604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720059302824314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869175060834496
suicidewatch,somegirlusingreddit,2019/01/19,"How do I cope? I have very bad depression and am living in a state of self-hate. I have never talked to anybody about just how bad my depression gets sometimes (this is really my first time opening up, to anybody I guess.) 

What I’m really looking for here is just how anyone copes with something like this. I have tried so many things to distract myself from just how empty I am like new hobbies or doing things I have never tried before. But nothing ever works and I end up being more and more disappointed in myself. I even did some terrible things to myself (which I am ashamed of and I am stupid for doing) but now I have realized they don’t help either. I am too afraid of opening up to a real person face to face, which is why I am too afraid to get real help. What are ways that you guys have helped yourself or at least numbed the pain?",3.994627450980392,5.007513658823534,4.71970588235294,86.45700980392158,71.23529411764707,7.313725490196076,24.166666666666664,7.492282038375204,0.9906666666666668,662,17,135,7,12,213,97,170,0.16399999999999998,0.775,0.061,-0.932,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,2,15,15,1,4,3,0,22,4,2,4,3,27,27,13,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,13,0,1,1,1,21,2,21,25,5,18,0,3,1,0,8,8,0,4,10,107,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035507338996947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473045264041116,0.0,0.0,0.12601704467173586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551062059956073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116728397839494,0.0,0.0,0.09781465793255152,0.13395945722418484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259686390723951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474595409707598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314218329345148,0.14663629479435647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29779276101966945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470244789484668,0.0,0.13076967194579747,0.0,0.12436162043090605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501440220559716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228438369437568,0.14303006071400634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421001401067911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758240527093598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930992576899628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33712667627502785,0.18974555435435744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544942889904926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400995870071658,0.1464687042980623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903230811995412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951611216939877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635477377196248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109214318247165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219301923368707,0.0,0.11755008510303327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363175624291118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781416012325808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strugglingrapper,2019/01/19,"I don’t want to wake up tomorrow... I can’t take this weight on my shoulders anymore. Last year I tried to kill myself but I failed and now people act like I’m some sort of success story because I did a shitty job mixing alcohol and pills. They expect me to be this fun, happy, social person but I can’t keep up the facade any longer. I can’t keep up an intimate relationship so all i do is fuck people and cut them off and my friends think I’m “living the life” or something. I hate this. I hate me. I don’t think my ex ever loved me, she plays with my emotions, and because she’s AWOL I have no one to open up to anymore. I’m suffocating and I can’t say anything because everyone thinks I’m “better now” but I’m fucking not and the second they hear that they’ll give up on me. ",1.6256629597946954,3.0552905269461093,3.68849016253208,89.86402694610783,77.8622754491018,6.208554319931565,22.707014542343888,6.868970318607317,0.5692176218990586,606,18,135,6,14,207,98,167,0.189,0.63,0.182,-0.324,1,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,4,3,4,15,6,0,5,0,12,9,2,0,2,25,31,12,1,2,5,1,1,1,1,1,3,2,0,1,4,9,2,2,3,1,0,1,8,7,0,2,1,3,28,8,15,28,2,16,0,1,0,3,15,9,2,3,7,84,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677086559180178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997566907870766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909613032183121,0.0,0.0,0.12071634876009725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682692044764924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973858446183806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501057617381493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269277612656158,0.0,0.14017203870896627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333512561450974,0.27123177267015763,0.0,0.14072188554712958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615808444424026,0.0,0.2896591560085453,0.0,0.0,0.16533436919909728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557078097277726,0.2607760562312499,0.1622947541886375,0.0,0.0,0.1195748778563906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036140408557208,0.07166709212378705,0.0,0.12953315251649786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239671782304804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940339222530756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033977689695783,0.12808720926879022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574940475072968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665665312820707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495356703007299,0.0,0.11293191417426465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102953447205936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28198604214672524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959533760825356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652369677789189,0.0,0.0,0.1786333076067085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446588065032233
suicidewatch,ugotthisibelieveinu,2019/01/19,"does this count F / 21 

I feel like I get weirdly suicidal for a few days every couple months 

tonight I wrote out notes on my phones and tied up tights and put them over my doorknob and put all my weight down 

​

it felt kind of good but I stopped when my vision got funny bc I wasn't sure yet 

​

does that count? what should I do from here? I don't want to admit to my loved ones. ",0.7726773761713517,2.951826000000004,1.3705220883534146,101.66239625167336,84.18072289156626,4.1708165997322615,17.655957161981252,5.033348758259628,-0.8820805890227579,310,7,73,1,9,94,64,83,0.139,0.6859999999999999,0.175,0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,15,12,5,1,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,4,4,13,5,10,7,2,13,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556953924033929,0.3989007856298334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816199067927348,0.0,0.1058579559799424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872833916999473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829664267456995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299508407929808,0.11726301679198235,0.15760197918058927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575737582046777,0.0,0.0,0.13767445054634667,0.13127928398397987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092854551584094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019144848514333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814448671324135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101651045714788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122680955320204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300159215239573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722999063348604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954461357494578,0.0,0.1547018122407044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681515417039686,0.0,0.0,0.19988063224236155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989007856298334,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaytoday4000,2019/01/19,"Feeling some type of way I am a 25 yo M, and i just noticed that my hair is receding ever so slightly. Thing is, it makes me unbelievably distraught. I've been running around for ten years in the street, and i finnaly try to get my life on track, and my looks start to deteriorate? You have got to be fucking kidding me. Im glad i already have a few kids when i looked prime. Now i straight up want to murk my fucking self because i have to work a normal job and try to be a good citizen and my biggest anxiety in life was being average , mediocre or ugly. I've always showed kindness to others, but judge myself very harshly for perceived shortcomings. I cant sleep and i keep thinking how being a square is ruining my appeal. I dont want to get any older. id rather die a handsome corpse. Ughh. If im being foolish please feel free to say it. Loosing my youthful appearance is frightening when i dont have a pile of money to fall back on. Im fucked",2.6583653846153834,4.235567871794873,4.291330128205129,86.00314903846153,75.41025641025641,6.926282051282049,28.59775641025641,7.6454224807358475,1.7177756410256406,745,32,153,10,16,250,125,195,0.155,0.713,0.132,-0.8922,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,10,10,3,1,8,0,19,7,2,2,1,25,36,13,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,7,0,1,4,1,2,3,3,5,0,1,3,7,22,6,20,28,2,22,0,1,3,3,6,9,3,4,9,95,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489325523505651,0.0,0.1122981620507378,0.0,0.0,0.091777943371167,0.0,0.10324461038693812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014368787010572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377649219194443,0.0,0.08227082535320426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400679591407748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163460062387041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220797321665385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364804286189768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743071378397385,0.14102285140205748,0.0,0.0,0.11319868055374607,0.10794044698964947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373423337314608,0.0,0.1339277274256466,0.11995932269060633,0.0,0.1405408610281726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065354913208635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266660917951344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008735388333414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223288785638646,0.0,0.153653717378978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481463842153305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732621160742714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079350433359372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505822494174075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552591907830932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966193062944053,0.08647740418348096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832589911097315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113567594985452,0.1592067034399688,0.10712556771199948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825303912347748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691030322304835
suicidewatch,HadoukenAnAuppercut,2019/01/19,"Am i being irrational I am a 25 yo M, and i just noticed that my hair is receding ever so slightly. Thing is, it makes me unbelievably angry. I've been running around for ten years in the street, and i finnaly try to get my life on track, and my looks start to deteriorate? You have got to be fucking kidding me. Im glad i already have a few kids when i looked prime. Now i straight up want to murk my fucking self because i have to work a normal job and try to be a good citizen and my biggest anxiety in life was being average , mediocre or ugly. I've always showed kindness to others, but judge myself very harshly for perceived shortcomings. I cant sleep and i keep thinking how being a square is ruining my appeal. I dont want to get any older. id rather die a handsome corpse",2.739596153846154,4.285659575,4.550000000000002,84.36269230769233,75.125,7.1730769230769225,28.55769230769231,7.882392219407189,1.8446586538461531,612,26,124,9,13,208,105,160,0.129,0.772,0.099,-0.8294,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,8,7,2,0,7,0,17,6,2,2,1,20,30,11,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,4,21,4,15,22,1,15,0,1,3,2,5,8,2,1,6,81,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918315999386899,0.0,0.14464491312590844,0.0,0.0,0.11821397967135988,0.0,0.13298354512151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475029134266696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596839849110276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041361863506614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373370211282466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724400053568927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214159071203945,0.1816435613665904,0.0,0.0,0.14580482009372733,0.13903198674378478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777197748581667,0.0,0.17250473333553304,0.15451282097908184,0.0,0.1810227368180407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455700569604787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29195577699199754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160364269391195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032170631370855,0.0,0.1979126656740251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813481523751357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739608632669438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230415352667282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154884632994886,0.11138665483965944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360455448650381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343234572594618,0.20506515304971776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655418440375546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194424761613092
suicidewatch,Ghettosaurusrex,2019/01/19,Does anyone want to chat? Basically the title. I feel really depressed right now. ,2.7711904761904727,5.158372785714286,4.772857142857145,69.15547619047621,106.85714285714286,7.580952380952381,18.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,2.420266666666667,65,2,9,2,3,22,14,14,0.226,0.6920000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.5095,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36156822844618985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453773309651669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525175510889937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261461214153411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312673959892018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441600434491252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049988808211317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nofaplul,2019/01/19,I need advice. I have been depressed for a while since I have been a basement dweller for the past year. I very rarely go out and it has got me extremely depressed. I don't have any money and I can't get any because I'm in college and I don't have time to work. I want to start doing new activities with some high school friends that wouldn't cost me any money but I'm not really inspired at the moment. Thank you for your help and advices.,1.3611827956989266,3.3379339354838757,2.6507526881720445,94.46279569892474,80.61290322580646,5.423655913978496,22.161290322580648,6.42735559955562,0.2684322580645162,348,11,78,3,9,112,62,93,0.091,0.782,0.126,0.2692,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,0,0,13,21,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,12,3,9,17,1,12,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,47,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084627262425176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263793754322376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274038250800255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36002099295208106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147207668570462,0.0,0.10919332956232701,0.0,0.11877892434612312,0.0,0.16715555931630696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008759619394134,0.2208188742111562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497007931283754,0.0,0.20185249621539852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995131543574941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389008436759692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151810365263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728860979851449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479305383483379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924181608444174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186897327017435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244602868298026,0.12327300054151748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215373075846853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458847680139352
suicidewatch,Ghost_1335,2019/01/19,I think I’m going to do it tonight I need to talk to someone I think. I don’t think I deserve to live anymore. Please help,-1.9496428571428552,-0.07806382142856805,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,97.92857142857142,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.6545999999999994,95,4,24,0,4,32,17,28,0.0,0.792,0.208,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243417978145908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858678047648256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921207085084266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887876504475894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425004991809237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589983485084735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710505353677234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26286722355289793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6286737023573632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jay1313,2019/01/19,"I've just lost the only person I could count on, and I'd rather die than admit that to others. I have no one left. My family are on the other side of the country, and my mentally ill husband is leaving me because he believes his delusions about my infidelity are true, when they're not. At this point, I can either move back home and admit that I am an unlivable sack of shit... Or I can just kill myself. No one at home ever initiates conversation with me anyway, they'd probably never even know or care. I have never felt so alone or hated. I have never felt more worthless then I do right now.",2.860500000000002,4.5670107166666725,4.528333333333336,83.97000000000001,75.16666666666666,7.133333333333333,22.833333333333336,7.908726449838941,1.158233333333333,466,13,92,7,10,157,84,120,0.19,0.718,0.092,-0.932,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,3,0,4,0,12,2,1,0,5,23,20,9,2,2,8,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,3,2,16,2,10,15,2,17,0,2,0,0,8,8,1,3,8,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160879471189525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740829602930984,0.0,0.10100539582499354,0.0,0.0,0.1866801597868797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893586073868638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322930078439988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196399324638553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943918490095522,0.1498795182466243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562013578450885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181840432808492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358831288930362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324087603095137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833156278872829,0.0,0.09106097313567574,0.0,0.0,0.1754457981952978,0.1800267864991397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808743437888858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669803676586233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610627537827034,0.0,0.0,0.38337979419081003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455679915233973,0.1260175929385986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467742539692005,0.0,0.0,0.1566341875159375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786459289953051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150159042112265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008229326539914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,welp-shit,2019/01/19,"I’m done trying I’m not gonna kms yet bet I’m definitely inching closer and closer, I’m drifting away from my two friends that I worked so hard to get and idrc anymore it’s just what it is. Life isn’t worth waking up everyday completely alone just to relive this inescapable pattern of sadness. I just want it to end but I can’t end it just yet. My time hasn’t come but it will as soon as it can",-0.08068965517241368,2.019890413793106,2.0443793103448265,95.90105172413791,87.39080459770115,4.859310344827586,20.19425287356321,6.2581,-0.006107126436782018,314,10,73,3,10,105,58,87,0.063,0.855,0.08199999999999999,0.1206,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,0,12,15,7,0,1,7,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,1,1,5,1,9,12,0,14,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,7,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791069193693377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672583654958777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531915993982556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321389060348561,0.2825516485000568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27577842933407304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773704072000601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820473437512105,0.0,0.14079566352088707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140712562621175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903464061730956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713984565686676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829637607872574,0.0,0.2632493206983144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895022136445372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961895068607563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,truespirit89,2019/01/19,"Reading these when suicidal vs. not Honestly reading these posts when you are not suicidal, in my opinpm, makes everyone look like they come off as attention seeking.  Like I see these posts when I’m not suicidal as people needing to grow up.

But when I am suicidal it’s like the last cry for help. I get satisfaction in researching ways to kill myself. I’m really looking for someone to listen because I’m so low.

The fucked up part is a lot of people turn their back when you are this low, which is why I think we post here.

I have had a great 6 months and this thread was in my rear view.  I’ve had a hard few weeks and I’m remembering why I joined.  Just happy to be here for y’all.

Tldr:when I’m not suicidal or depressed these posts look like weak attention seekers.  When I am depressed or suicidal this is a lifesaving thread for people who will listen.",3.806314847942758,5.208870651162794,4.8002325581395375,84.2127459749553,72.13953488372094,8.780679785330948,27.18425760286225,9.265573868473778,2.1918357781753133,680,24,139,15,13,222,98,172,0.249,0.612,0.139,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,3,2,0,11,14,2,0,6,0,13,2,0,1,0,20,31,14,7,1,9,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,4,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,7,0,0,3,8,16,7,17,26,3,25,0,4,5,1,10,8,1,3,14,85,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600617477149478,0.0,0.0602553680348444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514674293078148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857726409103982,0.0,0.0,0.17027116271408438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445121884658952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138117614101156,0.05164275292045063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089776369298032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522299271918688,0.08854625369978933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625413059992967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093580252289212,0.0,0.0,0.08057236707826898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316389387292293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490162592298044,0.0,0.0,0.08403500514368582,0.0,0.0,0.06598021400929277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889762499499507,0.0,0.0,0.07329276933026746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704016609233713,0.0,0.20558130601647048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786670939663173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774472340308188,0.0,0.06332303056614244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197281036011636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787671557173232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375156685335078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6487263418456221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333627739120147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751564235814128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845904645682236,0.07928798821240292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783855819751981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,summertimesadsong,2019/01/19,"I just need someone to hear me I’m normally a fun loving guy who is always down for anything when it involves other people.  But I have NOTHING going for me. 

I went to college to be a youth minister, graduated, and now I don’t even know if I believe in the existence of a God anymore. 

I was dating this fantastic girl, but I thought if I were to marry her, it would be to make her happy and not myself, so I broke up with her in the WORST way possible. 

I thrive off being intelligent, but I’m not. I’m literally one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met sometimes. I forget things. I don’t think things through before making a decision. it just seems like everyone is ten times smarter than me and I fucking HATE that. I want to be smart.

I try all these new games and activities bc my friends do them and I ALWAYS lose. and idk why but when I lose, I FUCKING lose it. I spiral out of control mentally and emotionally. I am so extremely  pessimistic that  everything becomes shit.

I worked as a telemarketer and now I’m a car salesman. I got my real estate license but I failed at that hard. tried to start a business, failed hard at that. I also made music and it’s just so fucking bad. I’m a white guy who used to rap about is faith. No one takes me seriously. 

Everything I do turns out being wrong in some way. I’m like, not good at ANYTHING. I’m literally a jack of all trades, master of none. 

people outsmart me all the time in conversation. I’m always fumbling over my words. I haven’t felt a genuine proud moment for myself in a couple years. I can’t finish anything 100%. I ALWAYS quit before it gets better. 


I’m honestly over it. I hate the feeling of being worthless. I’m not contributing at all. sometimes I wish I could get into a car accident and die bc I don’t have the guts to kill myself. 


thing is, people are going through real pain. Shit that they can’t help. i feel like a sensitive sally when I complain about my stuff. I don’t think I get to play the victim here. things are way worse for others. idk....just wanted to vent and maybe here something useful..

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suicidewatch,010918,2019/01/19,"its time *hello, its me again. i did not end my life on the date previously mentioned. thank you all for your words of comfort and wisdom. however it is now my time. my time to move on from what i consider my life now. im ready to transition my state to whatever lies ahead. this might come as sadness to those who were rooting for me, but please find solace in the fact that i will be free. i will be able to take a deep breath and never suffer again. the date is set and my plan is drafted, this is well thought out and meticulous to the last second. i hope you can all understand my choice and accept my movement to a new state. have a good day.* ",1.4629786003470215,3.5003280451127843,2.684210526315791,94.0402429149798,80.57894736842105,6.197570850202429,20.757085020242915,7.321109707123232,0.4409981492192019,502,14,113,7,13,161,87,133,0.026,0.754,0.22,0.9809,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,3,0,2,5,10,0,0,7,0,13,3,1,1,4,21,19,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,2,1,1,3,0,18,9,17,11,2,26,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,2,15,80,27,0,0.2167892122968448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674471056501826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981110740740355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201089564774335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981414125715902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181832505780082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532060334623845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341695504961983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671214249265527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30624926372788897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299790953318105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041262417575364,0.0,0.0,0.16720120515433667,0.20937637213537985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379694545233008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299850789686932,0.0,0.0,0.19959038013369246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721064189736949,0.37923459918886254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256852154832196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491953719261101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whiterosesxx,2019/01/19,"Im heavy... Its like the sadness and my general emotions are too concise and concentrated every time. My parents didnt raise a kind and gentle soul. They raised a fragile and erratic one...i feel like i am destined to die by suicide...i can just feel it. I dont know when, or how...but i can feel it in my chest that i will most likely take my life one day.
My best friend who is suicidal as well told me that she felt this too. I also told her that she was the master of her fate and that it was up to her whether to end her life or not. But im beginning to understand a lot more very quickly, what she means...most likely by shotgun or bleeding out by cutting myself one final time.
I just dont understand why my heart and mind carry such a huge burden. I feel so heavy...i dont want to walk anymore. I just want to lay down and let nature take its course and maybe just starve away.
Im sorry to everyone who says they love me...im just broken and being crushed by every emotion that manifests within me. I dont know what my existence was meant for...but it’s not this society, this world, this way...",1.4843460178831371,3.2850502314410486,3.142333125389893,91.95618631732172,79.43668122270742,6.283302141817424,22.25847369515492,7.2636822038024595,0.6515076315242254,849,26,189,11,21,281,128,229,0.134,0.765,0.102,-0.6856,1,0,0,1,0,2,42.0,0,0,2,2,13,12,1,0,6,0,16,6,2,0,0,38,34,18,2,2,12,1,6,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,19,10,0,0,10,0,0,1,7,3,1,2,8,7,28,9,19,23,4,18,1,1,0,1,17,8,0,5,12,123,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950703339504636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985990353552008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340941457300612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433633118622744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411839721443104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318342553642088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466083246714105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367075558410626,0.08805760218153268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675331624598999,0.09500114034137376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010812212867529,0.07102646768142247,0.09545986609448806,0.10891097681585048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681251034998711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781450537673978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295674795132887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353179669127792,0.1092784944503667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166483074058606,0.14044815395898952,0.19428854825593814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452428051998223,0.08973144206569987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988187770823473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038698898379507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211097096501754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103953875789848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906366474841643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129380362435956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087505681017606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950461760147118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159465086818484,0.0,0.0,0.19000228068274755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700178347934692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203283586181985,0.11728230446184106,0.07891585703728679,0.0,0.0,0.08939152648401869,0.0,0.08971209644011574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoveMyPetGator,2019/01/19,"Suicide hotline is a joke I waited over half an hour to speak to someone online. I am autistic and have trouble speaking over the phone. After waiting a long long long time, it was finally my turn and clicked on the “start chat” button as it said, and to my shock it disconnects me and says “thanks for the chat, click here to start a new one.” I am livid and not to mention the duration i had to wait made me want to kill myself even more. I have been suffering bad depression and terrible ptsd. I’m finally getting to my last straw and to not be able to speak to a counselor online about it, i don’t know where to turn. ",7.162380952380952,5.376372222222222,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714288,64.87301587301587,10.622222222222225,35.285714285714285,9.2995712137729,2.8909619047619053,484,18,103,7,6,156,79,126,0.226,0.728,0.046,-0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,15,24,8,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,7,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,7,0,2,5,7,12,2,19,18,1,16,0,2,2,0,9,4,0,0,12,69,16,0,0.17268497033163605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441847371708866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873331190887235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140567942733024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783358884472835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022076968896932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005991103831938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105033426504064,0.0,0.0949031435921434,0.14076129877624982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584622939931601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339869427569978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667802204144541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701580501887557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185948932971404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642629512456917,0.1373260194749118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631541497808562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445462161079304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888932963797656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898511972391288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069399489612234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756633199665924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185406961490427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bpsoooolost,2019/01/19,"I can’t do it myself but I wish someone would just put me out of my misery, I don’t want to see it coming, I just want to go. ",0.6019354838709674,0.11956483870967816,3.77758064516129,95.58637096774193,78.03225806451613,6.2,18.725806451612907,3.1291,-0.7130774193548391,94,1,27,0,2,35,22,31,0.155,0.6459999999999999,0.198,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,10,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,9,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341136991350192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043416534714194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899141913123675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090803577589928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32863906294659795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575488645615794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44602873949514665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27553010188939514,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,undecided9,2019/01/19,"life feels dull I always feel empty. Nothing really ""fulfills"" me . I'm never satisfied. I feel like offing my self sometimes. Only to relieve my self from this inner trouble that I self impose on myself. College doesn't excite me. I'm just there kind of wasting my fucking time. I'm not excited for careers. Nothing. ",1.8852354048964242,4.7001634745762715,3.766666666666669,79.73365348399247,92.22033898305084,4.656120527306968,26.894538606403014,6.42735559955562,1.7922753295668548,251,12,37,3,9,84,45,59,0.325,0.637,0.038,-0.9425,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,9,5,6,8,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,22,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518563072629656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31936511069444073,0.15040937566195278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946402648993862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924436635849148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871019099947985,0.10285890667024647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238094976082912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040364281797034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601246863137398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487691846520655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.658915473105487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082288310209416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276720601707065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingKirbyTheGreat,2019/01/19,"How would I do it? Hello, this is a throwaway account and I want to commit die but my options are running out. I do not have access to a gun, pills, I don't want to hurt anyone like gassing myself in my house, I doubt cutting myself like they do in the movies would work and I don't have any tall places to jump off of(my preferred method). My main plan was to ditch school and drive somewhere and jump(I had it all planned out and everything) but I recently got into a car accident so that ain't gonna work out(it was a 7 hour drive). I was supposed to get a new car but my report card came in and 4 F's didn't exactly make my parents happy, so that's also a no. 

I live in the Riverside County(Jurupa Valley) in Southern California which is essentially the middle of fucking nowhere(nowhere to jump from either) and I'm not sure how to kill myself. It can't possibly be that difficult can it? Humans are so delicate yet I can't seem to find a way to do it.

Please help me. This is literally my only option. I'm 17 btw and as you could imagine this makes it only a million times more difficult because I have so many restrictions, can't even ride the public bus like wtf. As of right now, my plan is to find and tie something heavy to my neck and push it into water to stop myself from bringing my head up but that's not very painless like jumping cause that would be more of an instant death(or a lot of pain but I don't think I would even live long enough to really feel it). The only other thing I can think of is getting some kind of gay app and *persuading* men to help me out. Thanks for reading this super long and boring post.

**Telling me not to kill myself is not a solution and kinda a waste of time, thank you very much.**",1.7720918704560482,3.8027638033707873,3.177237276933248,90.93263384005293,79.50561797752809,5.985988103106411,22.268341044282884,7.048011613610866,0.6209351619299399,1358,42,289,16,34,443,190,356,0.162,0.7090000000000001,0.13,-0.9396,1,0,2,1,0,3,41.0,0,2,1,6,12,20,4,1,17,0,36,7,2,5,4,62,55,27,3,8,11,1,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,2,20,19,1,2,8,1,1,12,14,10,0,1,7,1,34,10,40,40,9,40,0,1,0,2,11,16,1,7,14,192,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619733610359709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329895068804618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536727375387273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570603948098362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232797721769643,0.0,0.11072708307114748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605925975991212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186603287147044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137292788957716,0.0,0.1423847774692742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687213036455253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054500416111789934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703098460658988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964747313248287,0.11262866273874796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620722158855428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147414137428561,0.0,0.0,0.1106207011885921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449489441205654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106148619834143,0.12437188660997732,0.11538836158969215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850099858650564,0.1122437185206734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106374062768196,0.0,0.19035603695073586,0.19077645227590176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091636771060176,0.0,0.0,0.14389750450619868,0.10927924106999767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792359493008771,0.0,0.0,0.10410149049554282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593092881696885,0.11469311543801007,0.0,0.11968486209454643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261461891585835,0.1183179107347846,0.0,0.12151380388995205,0.10323028403009753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078163077152354,0.0,0.06905120128099526,0.0,0.1064267962099964,0.0,0.0,0.09204962775396217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908633913316812,0.0,0.09812536312979177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297980559353586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011487457975327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158810288463163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421071038303916,0.1984718318364483,0.0,0.0,0.07160898567124659,0.13813129281488298,0.0,0.0,0.12570309508630986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778713560894363,0.1271512944832322,0.08555641384766145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694064183889705,0.0,0.0,0.30627556388236554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkestDark2134,2019/01/19,"Razor sharp night No one cares about me, but, why would they I’m a big failure and stupid imbecile 
It doesn’t matter if I try to stay positive and try to make everything better, I always end up here, alone, crying and harming myself 
I want everything to just stop
Well not everything, only myself, my life.
I want it to end 
Might do it soon ",1.3136764705882342,3.8054015441176468,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,85.02941176470588,6.341176470588236,18.794117647058822,7.6454224807358475,0.7554647058823538,267,7,53,5,8,88,51,68,0.316,0.496,0.188,-0.9418,0,3,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,14,9,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,9,3,6,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016238443799352,0.0,0.0,0.1619845967875271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217358146862285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848340379612428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138405564310117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34484726107963704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248820731615303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750420184222906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994659420920834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651864797360955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826886250804686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319163309862969,0.14805856302669335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749688126262955,0.0,0.1627564158171272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643421160284595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296478694900004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503555802139792,0.0,0.17566325891607248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829102371370094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AllogamousBale,2019/01/19,"I just want to die right now I'm a loser, all my friends have abandoned me, I just got a new girlfriend and now I have to break up with her, I basically can't go on anymore.  I'm done with life.  I know this sounds redundant...but please!  Someone help!",-0.5816442048517523,1.5920343396226393,1.3892722371967672,98.58773584905664,92.39622641509432,4.538005390835579,20.77897574123989,6.18269132825596,-0.003962803234501156,192,7,46,2,7,63,40,53,0.197,0.633,0.17,-0.5399,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,10,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,8,1,6,8,1,8,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159838926594972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33067565358508216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260573020822675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24616382845835416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810782109040371,0.0,0.2548282853232326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356323462508328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751043706259484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250496378840131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077236898920554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497473849635768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272098420212842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699643835057657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879294202545872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tanithrowaway,2019/01/19,"Want to stab myself sober, sick of this life. I'm too behind.  I'm 24 and skirted so many opportunities to grow.  I'll just get older.
I'm sick of taking naps and thinking into an abyss.
I can't socialize;too ugly and slow to pick up on suggestions and inuendos.
No one will ever love me. I'll never know intimacy. I'll never know what it's like to protect someone who genuinely cares about me for me in a relationship setting.  Too many temporamental people that don't want to talk.  poor, broke most of the time.
I shrug off and push people away.  I feel dirty and desperate at work.
Sorry for the emo poetry, just dumping my mid.",1.685885714285714,4.169630600000001,4.03454285714286,82.03970000000002,83.0,6.771428571428572,20.92857142857143,7.957251820313856,1.1847371428571432,495,15,97,10,14,171,89,125,0.201,0.6629999999999999,0.135,-0.8096,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,1,3,20,16,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,4,1,1,2,5,2,0,1,0,1,8,4,19,15,1,17,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,7,56,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072395973527687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782254839908854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932516783266443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802395869191764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161927632130926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348244255705453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509018642768854,0.10437482912033008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928205036560506,0.0,0.0,0.4331994896705327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295482021409829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447695416409114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962253211416371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229371861043978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101841505906294,0.0,0.0,0.2391550472679815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606324104527032,0.17171757631698156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689334993781976,0.0,0.0,0.12457653463779912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520235103289274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553412818274412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,penalpie,2019/01/19,I am only thinking about it right nowi I want it to be bloody though. I also want to call attention to it before the rights crowd tries to shut me down,1.4186458333333327,3.2910844062500004,2.5825,95.54583333333336,79.9375,5.516666666666668,16.916666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.4352833333333339,119,2,27,1,3,38,24,32,0.092,0.825,0.083,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646573227950871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28161059210808165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379327737003073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25169927577569284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.56525199378247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205677462395275,0.3251526739802122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469054744703265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904009417114418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deleteme_please,2019/01/19,DAE not necessarily want to die but think they should die? I don't really know how to explain it but sometimes I feel like I don't actually want to die. If I truly wanted to do it I would stop hesitating and do it. I think a more accurate description of how I feel is that I should be dead. The world shouldn't be making room for someone like me. People around me shouldn't have to deal with me. I contribute nothing good and I'm only dragging everyone down. ,2.6336170212765957,4.387362734042554,4.558457446808512,83.30875,75.91489361702128,8.104255319148937,24.51595744680851,8.841846274778883,1.7483234042553193,363,12,76,8,8,124,58,94,0.28300000000000003,0.621,0.096,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,13,0,0,3,0,26,24,7,4,9,4,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,13,3,10,17,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1863706420306502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001425115625465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968938019452443,0.0,0.0,0.5946267242116766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249124987496293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313222592456772,0.13643740290706294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018643382271175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495857715518682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660807586210013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748180350250876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832521433523551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452502295538825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240270107686955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234780170127026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181822003672722,0.0,0.1888858376669502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596692975774915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447467923589441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379379592584133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566795819864227,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mydamndogs,2019/01/19,How do you keep going? How do you keep going from Day to day when all you want to do is kill yourself?,0.29304347826086996,1.5667533043478308,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,81.17391304347827,4.6000000000000005,15.847826086956525,3.1291,-1.2317652173913043,78,1,20,0,2,26,14,23,0.185,0.768,0.048,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,6,9,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651947481915774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099454414800972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6411465229902293,0.39901944546368057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272799407708265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teriyakibullet,2019/01/19,"Indifferent Carbon monoxide. I wake up, cool. I dont, cooler. Wish me luck :)",-0.5035714285714299,-0.3149192142857125,2.632142857142856,82.42535714285714,134.0,4.257142857142857,17.785714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.6094857142857149,57,2,10,1,4,20,13,14,0.21,0.362,0.429,0.6419,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7137870930289668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7003627530253571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,devout_taco,2019/01/19,"I just tried to hang myself and failed The title says it all. The knot failed and I fell on the floor. I started crying; I feel worthless and just don't want to be here any more. Things have gotten worse and I feel like they aren't going to get better. I'm cutting myself off from people on purpose and just haven't been doing myself any favors and I don't really care to take care of myself either. My residence is a miss, my grades are slipping, I can't focus at work, my ex and I aren't talking. I just don't want to be here anymore. ",1.6226315789473666,3.2664295087719317,3.243719298245612,92.11136842105265,78.47368421052632,5.261754385964913,18.417543859649122,5.6839178017228535,-0.3295340350877192,420,8,91,2,10,139,66,114,0.232,0.705,0.064,-0.948,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,4,6,10,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,1,17,27,7,0,2,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,2,3,17,5,11,23,3,9,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,64,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166717068959029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23090985628087776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592372635676376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747818077667252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557584261816772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354568467167989,0.1663374432150627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164673075155928,0.0,0.13232555401330826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375146976129286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614185428822364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916012826655234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851598182307507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480188341653107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506301983238606,0.18714403515223546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546852956879782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807975039286903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27466435112689364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950672712892975,0.0,0.2372788603456401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XxSkankhunt420xX,2019/01/20,"Hey, person! Give Life another chance. Even if things may seem to be taking you to an endless path of suffering and loneliness, trust me, everything will be fine. You can be happy again, just believe in yourself.",4.019210526315792,6.925143289473687,4.262368421052631,81.4240789473684,76.63157894736842,8.010526315789475,27.921052631578952,8.841846274778883,2.729978947368421,167,7,28,4,4,52,34,38,0.12,0.653,0.226,0.636,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,3,1,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354222872087363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805957955558429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312008780104672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30360153123921696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32405779773404353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596046538647273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23860494594342785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29496235636810225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30752921802688177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539908157960422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244257209835548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corvair1965,2019/01/20,"Lots of pain I have a lot of pain

I was about to do it  last week and my Dad randomly showed up at my apartment and he talked me through it.

I still feel hopeless. I have 1 fiend. I live with my cat in my apartment.  Just lost my job.  The brakes have gone out in my car so I cannot drive anywhere.  My back has gone out so I cannot walk anywhere right now. I broke my leg 3years ago and have a lot of hardware in it.  I have constant nerve pain.  The doctor told me to never lift over 35lbs.  I am stuck here alone in my apartment and the only thing that really makes me feel better is my cat. I also had no phone or internet as I could not pay the bill.  My Dad paid for it that day last week.

I am trying to get my hopes up but sometimes I just burst out cryin

I keep telling myself Life is precous. I would hate to waste it. I don't see a good future for me.",-0.7724854932301709,1.1912300106383,1.0491102514506778,102.76136363636364,89.3191489361702,4.056479690522243,15.992263056092842,5.238671369647483,-1.0763063829787236,654,14,167,3,22,212,109,188,0.156,0.8170000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.966,2,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,0,7,0,18,6,1,1,1,26,32,10,0,3,5,2,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,2,1,3,5,6,7,0,0,8,3,34,3,24,22,3,32,0,3,1,0,7,15,0,6,12,112,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306815608280396,0.0,0.0,0.15268572820176615,0.0,0.11789408945578175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335915790819855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303836296966219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931184896448725,0.0,0.1177052392482236,0.0,0.0,0.09507561449815646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508936484615177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149082958311807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702241299109537,0.0,0.0,0.12365138609770733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554965391333954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146424265259581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629454205726694,0.13103630230913282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24033878063518305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412919788158108,0.0,0.0,0.1301771763674123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092957788548778,0.3760011912139549,0.0,0.0,0.0984059718987626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370167663831185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212180574058864,0.4706052770062389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444292444335907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258984040499154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747701380557328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580507902182566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773216789402488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849299257991601,0.1288541667255453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979412652894204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086895787140524,0.0,0.10009051410642007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365076154145313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472504243945184,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BecometheOcean,2019/01/20,"Screaming into the abyss I'm back in the same room I lived in as a child, doing the same thing I did back then. Rocking back and forth with my head on my knees, hyperventilating, trying not to wake my mother. 

My babysitter is the most deranged person I've ever met. Memories keep resurfacing, the look of pure evil in that cunt's eyes. I still hear the screams of tortured animals, I hear my own childhood screams echoing in my brain. On fucking loop. I was her whacked out experiment for four years and in the end she was such a coward that she chose to end her life rather than face the consequences. It's time that I join her. 

I'm a shell of the man I should be. I'm beyond help or hope. I can see the look of suspicion and disbelief when I talk about my trauma with my therapist. All I do is destroy everything around me. It's time to destroy myself. I don't have the strength to fight this anymore. I'm sorry for wasting your time",2.8427579365079367,4.622760587301588,3.7512665343915375,89.20721726190477,75.4021164021164,6.841402116402117,25.56911375661376,7.6454224807358475,1.2090447089947092,737,26,156,10,16,236,116,189,0.202,0.759,0.04,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,11,13,7,0,14,0,12,8,6,0,3,20,25,7,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,3,7,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,1,4,9,27,2,26,19,5,26,0,0,4,1,16,12,2,3,14,106,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295573726511706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627465721917055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790429050054573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834292181321618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910675836451405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863178659352447,0.0,0.0,0.14767519225320386,0.16073101765375902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190601979132334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863398434341856,0.0,0.3703885531181702,0.0,0.110136482142004,0.0,0.0,0.16320127957733413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605019304704042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606012367901225,0.0,0.0,0.14509263008602227,0.0,0.2759654332934133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143473000634494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093730700990625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839365238951098,0.0,0.0,0.1312216961693865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206969470331345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078168885706526,0.10916318951862153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874391529922351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115586951845888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581308962739756
suicidewatch,throwaway94973773,2019/01/20,"I feel like it’s all going to end I’ve been in a serious relationship for almost a year. I moved in with them to escape my bad home with my parents, and the idea the relationship might end terrifies me, but I know it will. They keep bringing up fear that our relationship will end but I don’t feel like it’s warranted. I stopped taking my antidepressants because my doctor refused to let me try a new one and I’m not sure if it’s the withdrawals or my base mindset, but all I want is to get high and end it all.
I would now, but I love my partner.
If my relationship ends, I’ll set a date, but things just seem to be spiraling down and nothing stops it",2.399608493696085,3.79790864233577,4.168002654280027,87.36297942932985,75.71532846715328,7.609555408095554,25.593231585932315,8.296473431620573,1.4377649635036498,512,18,115,9,11,173,83,137,0.128,0.762,0.111,-0.3241,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,2,0,2,7,0,1,7,0,9,2,0,0,4,33,21,12,0,4,10,1,2,2,1,4,1,0,1,1,8,6,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,1,2,20,4,12,14,3,20,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,6,13,75,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283824669186587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242596148796697,0.07477968741232484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555994776654214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432547221274372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804005835136368,0.1240532563786866,0.1752737435862484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409103531273777,0.0,0.06971730109512883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960965950496114,0.12304997661774884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384817096693535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903647331220516,0.0,0.0,0.06741730034251242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544038903138055,0.0,0.11986264522367188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107162321431441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013556247225436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303808783339986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847734211201096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770705283598007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312569397787045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621269286832693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5268150997001748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167594394713692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511850068896967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156168692943738,0.0,0.09223404621490948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149779847801145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328620754592926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235509955124013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714263981694319,0.0,0.0,0.07899671943277517
suicidewatch,ingravitas,2019/01/20,"I Can See The End From Here It's nearly here. This must be what it's like on death row.

I am out of options. At the end of the month I will pay my rent, make a minimum payment on the credit card, ...And I will be out of money. February is the end. I managed to save myself six months ago, but that was a one time thing. There's no rescue coming this time.

No one will hire me. I've been out of work long enough now that THAT had become the problem. A gap in my work history means they don't want me. But it doesn't matter. I'm done.

I am planning a trip in February. I will charge it all to the card that I will not be around to pay. I'm going to go see some things and some places. ...It's a one-way trip because it just digs the hole deeper, nothing will be solved.

And in the end, I will watch the sun set over the water and I will listen to the trees around me. I will hide myself in the rocks and I will pull the trigger with the stars as witness. Let the wind and the rain dismantle me. Let my blood flow into the ocean.

I have about 30 days to live

What a thought...",-0.3455128205128197,1.5171300384615447,1.5245025641025656,100.8038307692308,86.22222222222223,4.598700854700853,15.77025641025641,5.6839178017228535,-0.9438541538461536,815,15,206,5,25,267,126,234,0.095,0.86,0.045,-0.7915,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,3,8,4,0,0,24,0,28,2,1,2,2,31,40,9,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,11,0,1,1,0,16,14,1,0,2,1,5,7,5,1,0,3,5,4,23,3,29,18,4,36,0,0,3,0,2,16,0,3,13,143,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627107640036697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25361687580927345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868346480211623,0.1573220254229151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270587158752705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918668257865852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577320585544407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046646672555676,0.14718630233643396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191234574706534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29132435307244503,0.0,0.06959263249853838,0.0,0.12578371484484627,0.12606151744162314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508478409002044,0.0,0.0,0.15516704126118644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740040330296346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668217742424124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895782515758509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882727482647987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363029790016255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270243619916678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892715225276903,0.0,0.0,0.11308736982203625,0.16612451615120544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401920119597305,0.11306816148254872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074068913899467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CarsonAnaDaily,2019/01/20,"Worthless person whose just a waste of space. I am such a worthless human being... I can’t do anything right; somehow every decision I make is wrong and I just destroy everyone’s life around me by being here. Everyone would be better of with me gone. I’m a waste of time, money, emotion.. I’m a drain... and I deserve to be dead.. I should have been a long time ago..",0.5027327327327313,2.8488278918918937,2.6058558558558573,91.02457957957958,87.64864864864866,4.910510510510512,21.735735735735737,6.42735559955562,0.5181339339339335,280,10,57,3,9,94,51,74,0.247,0.713,0.04,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,0,11,16,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,8,1,7,8,0,8,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293021177844231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128696547658729,0.23027794007451094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287793490100442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29097752494688245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794706613209847,0.4943551357257302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271166525826066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289215689334075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266933158774386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22586733526175226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090928889586975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016740211242335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837571717407695,0.2828233885330501,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peachybiatch,2019/01/20,"How did you get better? I have been suicidal for a lot of years now. I’m very exhausted. I have come to realize that I either need to make significant changes in my life, or else I am sure I will finally kill myself. 

To anyone on this sub that has experienced being suicidal for a long period of time, and have recovered from that. How did you get better? ",2.9286384976525817,4.721377661971836,5.14612676056338,79.24388497652583,75.19718309859155,9.8037558685446,24.509389671361504,10.125756701596842,2.621279812206573,278,9,56,9,6,97,51,71,0.206,0.6729999999999999,0.121,-0.8736,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,2,3,5,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,3,1,11,16,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,9,3,10,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712893011954188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39749184402406057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377231781674112,0.1935757426937605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772410464545772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461689628590565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348130746340657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486185639586992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872585760575875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19886947175513264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910482770455124,0.0,0.0,0.15000184963416646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662648233911462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916127895025446,0.0,0.2117952411449126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103560643661982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854169222872351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144711834389169
suicidewatch,LittleMsNOitAll,2019/01/20,Help? Is anyone out there? I’m so alone? Does anyone care?,-2.9600000000000013,-6.569383666666663,-0.8873333333333324,105.699,177.33333333333337,0.96,2.4,3.1291,-3.19872,44,0,10,0,5,14,11,12,0.15,0.458,0.393,0.6421,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450605059966444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6084271834690496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435865526964279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807358576036543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29162067716515955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xe6bf3c869XMEAP,2019/01/20,"Some thoughts It’s 6°F outside right now where I live and I am absolutely drunk as hell. The high for the next day is 10°F. I really could do it and my body would be frozen completely solid within hours and stay that way for at least a day. It could even look like an accident, ease everyone’s emotions. I don’t think I’m in any immediate danger I just have nobody to talk to, venting here. FRE EZIN G",0.5109195402298816,2.495143080459769,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,83.71264367816093,6.625287356321839,20.011494252873558,7.793537801064563,0.6360942528735625,316,9,74,6,9,108,69,87,0.16399999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.08,-0.8467,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,4,0,9,2,1,0,0,10,13,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,8,8,2,13,1,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,6,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336225470537082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25050338500748115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236454849760714,0.0,0.0,0.3601209019001065,0.0,0.0,0.2908852338304021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536811697800126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895472788788186,0.0,0.0,0.2154953189950896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382756933038377,0.0,0.0,0.22209310663818652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017834242057058,0.0,0.1991394880111475,0.0,0.18938113900837975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398445192896917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447475467469206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259400475210284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24037575762159116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812655223729388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450497798812975,0.0,0.17903876471342992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790083542672461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020389991005224,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Towhitherward,2019/01/20,"Tried to reach out, felt unwanted, can't express I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. I'm ready to flounder the only good opportunity I worked really hard for the past four years. I'm perfectly ambivalent about it. I feel like I don't want to live and I'm looking for excuses to end it. 
  
I just don't feel connected to anyone anymore.   
I can't see myself in the past or future any longer,   
I feel guilty about any interaction with others.  
I hate everything I stand for and can't even recognize what I stand for at all.  
Days are just timeless and moments just steps of fear I have to climb often to the same mistakes I make over and over again.  
I fear no one cares or that I can't care, I feel like I can't express any of this to anyone, even myself.   
I'm on a waiting list for help but shit what I might do before then. is sinking in hard.   
  
  
I want help but I don't want to call for help.   
  
I...I'm... I don't know anymore. 
  

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suicidewatch,tomiomi,2019/01/20,"I think i have made too much misktakes Like, ""what if i didnt do that?"", i really wish to change the reality, im really sad and regretful, for doing the wrong things. 
First i ruined a good friendship with a girl, who i loved and now she hates me for being an asshole with her, its my fault i get it but i regret.
Then there is my mother who died a couple
Of years ago, and i was so angry and bad with her, i didnt call her even his last day or week or even month, i wish i could talk with her, make things right.
Then grandpa died last year, it was also my fault if i were there for him when hes having a stroke, but i was so angry with him and my family for making me take care of grandpa, and i was wasting my time with games, parties, and friends.
I also regret to take care of grandma last month, who is having bad times, and nearly to her death, just for being annoyed.
I regret a bunch if things in my life and i wish to make things different, i wish talk to my old me and kickme, i wishi could done things diffrentley, i need to change, but im not strong enough. I need to love but im scared that im just an asshole. I wish i had parents. I wish i had brothers. I regret my life and nothing seems to change.",2.640429000429002,3.2105113976833977,3.8718597168597166,92.9314360789361,74.01930501930502,6.682196482196482,21.33869583869584,6.42735559955562,0.09024307164307156,928,18,221,6,18,304,122,259,0.259,0.5770000000000001,0.16399999999999998,-0.986,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,13,23,2,1,9,0,22,5,0,4,0,50,44,27,3,18,12,5,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,14,17,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,15,0,1,11,1,48,8,24,29,3,21,0,7,0,2,26,3,0,6,19,156,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710722207160694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823530257565635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338891704780931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186985160286324,0.0,0.16349193007227056,0.0,0.25445043394583705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280298871589931,0.08871451002179982,0.0,0.0517076396663227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664224815018697,0.08376807442031084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204907850945531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284444596693682,0.0,0.10591252494738014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558389723276435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819865708441349,0.0,0.0,0.061944680147882576,0.0,0.04188926043966276,0.0,0.0,0.06724880349530184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915835304177678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464203942709346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606527603092785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326300800103503,0.039170513772020465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472604664635774,0.07586557378763385,0.16055664418726925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799329914023322,0.0,0.05893944286895034,0.11890070645726185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693215389284824,0.0,0.08413244925961894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890272553549331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272709215559456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847086232931322,0.0,0.0,0.08027133094291987,0.0,0.0,0.07299028137117741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056650245849156,0.12888673916328672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266330734793582,0.051374291045358414,0.0,0.0,0.09350390140662804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643132869597858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531987094356908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766114542555298,0.0,0.10326293335881928
suicidewatch,angelsgirl2002,2019/01/20,I called the hotline And got disconnected. I'm cutting now but don't want to go all the way please help me,-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,91.17391304347824,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.0964318840579712,85,3,20,1,3,28,21,23,0.103,0.638,0.259,0.7111,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741678177479364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26390890425407065,0.0,0.37139451078538704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112535680437528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5097324999548376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27389406560226354,0.3685907268553372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon182738,2019/01/20,"Just leaving this here. Need a place to rant I want to fucking kill myself. Ive not ever typed those words, written those words or even said them aloud unless I knew I was alone. I have loving family and friends and a boyfriend who all have no idea. Only one friend, my best friend, ubderstands that I have depression. I have no job and five pounds to my name. I feel like shit, a waste of space just going from one day to the next of doing fuck all. The only times I get out are to drink and that just makes things worse. Drunk me is horrid and embarrassing and hungover me is myself at my darkest.

I cant push myself to seek help. I cant see the point in doing so. It would all just be easier to swallow pills or run a knife across my throat than to have to live with my mind anymore. The only thing that has stopped me until now is I cant do it to my family. Ive started to stop caring. Im scared for what the future holds - if there is one.",1.8062566844919767,3.3965049494949504,2.9574034462269765,94.60414438502676,77.78787878787878,5.870944741532978,18.717765894236482,6.522977012572876,-0.1987228758169937,732,14,168,6,17,235,122,198,0.215,0.654,0.131,-0.9524,1,1,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,1,11,14,4,2,9,0,22,9,2,1,4,35,37,12,1,4,9,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,12,8,3,3,3,2,0,3,6,7,0,4,4,3,26,7,23,31,4,20,0,1,1,3,9,7,3,3,11,120,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400503387519074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410496847069828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419082889976705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378689510844638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872077054897823,0.0,0.11646744816005285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246714696651918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893135747724531,0.12231702540451107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549525869748002,0.0,0.06837285665008062,0.0966034015919996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313419068701777,0.25002313310984553,0.07064848272287602,0.0,0.07685039753018083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906371859807403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265040774064742,0.14606414020339684,0.0,0.13418805027802466,0.0,0.14960431268825286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431817262693417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606317076079285,0.0,0.11940446473118367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204411702103175,0.0,0.09026246173722584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365367718258318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100266206871606,0.0,0.0,0.14381128891368122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748919935291866,0.3085297570450338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127934693276165,0.0,0.12782952679415485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862812313724625,0.0,0.1353819016554782,0.0,0.1077552943081338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880455735098346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571159817709267,0.0,0.0,0.2261051140983337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179672423128478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884967046103389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975808122952605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780387982533426,0.0960586024783648,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okewp,2019/01/20,"How do I give support for someone I'm growing to despise? Little background: Few years ago my parents got a divorce and my mom began a (somewhat abusive) relationship with someone. Last year my dad died.

Shortly before my dad's funeral it became evident to my mom that she was being cheated on and the dude was going to leave her. So at our dad's funeral my mom was crying, not because her ex-husband had died but, because her boyfriend had left her (I know that my parents marriage had ended and she didn't need to feel bad about it, but to me it was extremelly disrespectful to me and my siblings --- at the moment nobody knew why she was so sad). Few days later, we were stil mourning our dad's death and the reason for her sadness showed up...

Now because her boyfriend have left her she is treatning to kill herself. Jesus Christ, My 50 years old mother is treatning to kill herself because her 36 years old boyfriend have left her!

She became insuferable, her facebook is filled with disgusting messages, posts and whatnot about how everyone is garbage and life have no meaning; she have turned away any attempt of help from any relative. She treats her 73 yo mother like shit (I believe that in her head my grandma have something to do with her being dump). She spent her new years eve on a psych clinic but isn't taking any medicine because of no apparent reason and I think that she is straight up lying to her doctors.

She is just making the lives of everyone miserable (and for me, because of the most retarded reason possible) and I don't know how to deal with it... before I try to help and just making everything worse: how do I give support if I can't stand her reasons and am in fact disgusted by it and by her actions? What should I do?

---
I am aware that I am the asshole in the situation for not respecting her reasons and being in general pissed at my own mother; don't need to bring that up. Or bring it, I don't know.

If the text seems off it's my fault as my English is not so great as I think.
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suicidewatch,Tiredderit,2019/01/20,"Feeling sad and empty even after happy days Idk, I'm getting real tired of this feeling, every day when I go to sleep i have this feeling of emptyness and at a lot of thoughs telling me I'm worthless how I'm a mess, making me feel lonely even thought I have friends.

It doesn't matter if I layed all day on bed or if I met with friends, laughed and had a good time. At the end of the day I still feel like something is missing and a hard desire to cry, to just stop trying.

I really want to kill myself, I want to jump in front of a train, I just want to stop talking to people who doesn't care, talking to so much people online telling me that they'll offer and ear for me, to listen. Only to get ignored after telling them all my problems over and over again with different people. I've tried talking with over 50 people in a week i think and everyone ghosts me after a ""tell me your problems"" or just ignore what i said. I feel used. I just don't care anymore, it doesn't seem to matter if I tell anyone my problems no one cares and no one will care when I die, It'll be just another sad moment in their lives that will fade with time. To me, it will be finally my way out of this mísery thoughs.",5.7379029304029325,4.488981892857146,6.2049206349206365,85.10247252747254,67.37301587301587,8.706227106227105,30.89255189255189,7.010146845296331,1.6463061050061047,935,29,206,6,13,304,130,252,0.241,0.64,0.119,-0.9837,1,3,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,3,0,15,22,1,0,9,0,15,3,2,3,2,52,43,19,3,10,10,0,7,1,2,5,1,3,1,0,11,13,0,4,9,0,0,3,6,12,0,2,4,10,30,10,36,32,4,34,0,5,0,0,19,10,0,7,21,135,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532731671218707,0.0,0.0,0.0901585330444046,0.06356655588513642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707562075856118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986063345099062,0.23451834445179975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435047967099172,0.09498185499154288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051949197569896,0.0,0.0,0.1200907166119732,0.0,0.07659580090850135,0.08686863334786248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758017033637442,0.06494629597960963,0.0,0.0995877278796552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047405692489254,0.0,0.09499369988665564,0.0,0.05166638629585416,0.07625119887436252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967756444639878,0.08143772140693292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005787147404342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441415282355104,0.0,0.08027541038845311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728863787421811,0.0,0.0,0.06068329333363296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682948909356337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320626727392607,0.06914133660355938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521028641536242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260966475430166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347575966272336,0.058239429749024775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647645961635693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276127115210538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097589759238817,0.0,0.0,0.06998714676644667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726010377344535,0.15201006818325044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921062984178868,0.3972977983852134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582516131131267,0.17863770493521888,0.0721725784089981,0.10602098790030792,0.10448795123850474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344417539379825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851726139013525,0.0,0.0,0.16086365070795403,0.07216031960954107,0.07292271355544899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cap-size,2019/01/20,i don’t miss you anymore. i just miss the way it felt. i hope he treats you better than i ever could. ,-1.8284057971014496,0.024704130434782808,0.7391304347826093,103.4185507246377,94.65217391304348,3.066666666666667,12.014492753623188,3.1291,-1.8726985507246376,77,1,20,0,3,26,18,23,0.139,0.609,0.252,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,3,1,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132261634280281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685120798728563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332678286593358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769032251842233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000699812678027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138488141510992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307344409575168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrozenO-Ring,2019/01/20,"How do you change your outlook when everything just seems terrible I don’t see any merit in this life, 
I wouldn’t pay €20 a week because someone said ‘if you do, you might get rich’.. 
Why should I continue just because it might get better?

What might get better? It looks like everything’s going in the opposite direction.

How do you change your outlook?

I just see shit music, people obsessed with fucking gossip and reality tv.
Idiots in power..
The need for a college degree without guarantee of work. I fucking hate college.

How is everyone so smiley and happy, it’s like staring at a pretty picture in a burning fucking house.

I currently commute 1.5hrs+ a day to college, so I can study a degree I have a distain for and an inability to change.
I have no real friends, despite my best efforts.
I’m balding at 21 and short.
I unfortunately have zero interest in techno, unlike seemingly every other idiot in my college.
No one cares for James Taylor.. acoustic guitar or actual songwriting. 
I see no future in this world.
It’s fake news and rehashed shit stolen from Reddit.
Everything is clickbait, news is covered to make money not for people actually know what’s going on, it’s all sensationalized.
I hate driving and I have to drive that cunt of a car everyday.

Jesus Christ, what’s the point!?
No professional can tell me anything other than some frivolous bullshit answer.
Some dipshite with a degree and good intentions saying ‘well, you have to look at it in a better light’.
If you’re wearing rose tinted glasses and looking at dump, you can still smell the shit.

What’s the point?
And if there’s no point, which is my belief..
How can you change everything ingrained in you to look at it in a better light?

I spend my day absorbed by one thing or another..
Acoustic guitars today, they’re great.. but the worlds still shit.",4.266404275996116,6.553612341107876,5.244510204081632,77.8260850340136,72.8192419825073,7.488785228377067,29.80068027210885,8.344100000000001,2.5126008551992234,1455,63,243,25,30,476,184,343,0.15,0.768,0.081,-0.9573,2,1,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,10,0,8,14,33,13,1,18,0,22,11,7,6,1,45,47,22,0,6,11,0,0,2,1,5,1,2,0,0,18,11,0,0,5,4,4,5,9,17,1,3,1,13,29,16,34,41,4,38,3,0,8,3,15,22,8,12,13,163,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.1585942706122286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525895740084979,0.08520722510558007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686929489229328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906955563690924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527638578466615,0.2874681930789158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284904245867555,0.0,0.3438453065549003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048107617852302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846427524922129,0.07764652831499591,0.2921216674943407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278055966912137,0.22536811596519346,0.12736353831754382,0.0,0.09236280972419074,0.06815625668636423,0.0,0.08958841690878665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650179620052588,0.0,0.16045302662261032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376206234238592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465786243760062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057395687693741475,0.07939815884959514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729486290637322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054241063459680584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586091115010586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025257438266045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012650426030046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266962207986445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304482730057145,0.0,0.0,0.08266969230280571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249061707225607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729598833785821,0.06462047783337678,0.0,0.0,0.19425888605939365,0.14795041976000253,0.0,0.0,0.3336450905000085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885055043774893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978720430819446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102401307102431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053984918632277286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770241015981212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518112838514954,0.0,0.07306166712652845,0.0,0.07332367602540675,0.0,0.0,0.07833084843335178,0.0,0.059157574292887885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CybermanFord,2019/01/20,"Life isn't even worth it. Without any of your consent or wishes, you are forced to live a long time in a shitty world of anger, war, hatred, oppression, stupidity, etc. You are forced to go to school as a child, so you can learn useless bullshit, which won't even matter, because eventually, you'll die, which will just make having learned the information not even worth it in the first place. You are then encouraged highly to go to a good college, so you can learn some more useless bullshit, so you can get a good job, then retire and become old and disabled, and then you finally die. What the fuck is life even worth? We will all die. We will all just disappear, with no one to remember us. We are forced to be slaves to a corrupt world, ruled by corrupt assholes who don't care about anyone else's lives or the rest of the world. No one will care about us when we die. We will just live for many years, just wandering on some planet that we won't even change of do anything good on. Life will suck, then we die.

I don't know whether to end my life or wait patiently for the world to end so I can finally leave this shifty planet.",5.106295828065741,5.417452929203543,5.064121365360304,87.50752212389379,68.38053097345133,8.404045512010113,27.647281921618198,8.192908349453996,1.4944396965865991,886,26,191,11,14,275,117,226,0.32,0.627,0.053,-0.9971,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,9,9,0,1,16,13,5,0,12,0,24,5,0,1,2,35,35,17,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,6,0,3,3,9,7,0,3,0,0,21,6,26,25,7,27,0,2,0,1,22,10,2,5,14,128,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712091788728637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901491147604268,0.10113212410341536,0.08122354569754027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016797838582341,0.10900888574976476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126705379437893,0.0,0.10441389809340376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121867868680802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245306866258839,0.0,0.17484180268757266,0.0,0.11007910482989644,0.3259595419581252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162469911421371,0.0,0.08395608748422932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091248644066766,0.05156785433133927,0.0,0.1121895319588698,0.24836030520980734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428435129301103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794675785022867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542441779339439,0.0,0.0,0.10451143631958423,0.0,0.0,0.2788652860625061,0.0,0.0,0.2614676978098259,0.08734838949152178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588452149371031,0.10006859440404632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357141287342694,0.0,0.13376640453147326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312284852929128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181041379834276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989195128786668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057554078498165566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23745331919743376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350272187925599,0.09514545139890072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356101599053747
suicidewatch,throwmylifeaway72819,2019/01/20,"it’s freezing out tonight in the province i live in, extreme cold temperatures. all i want to do is lay down in the snow & let what happens, happen . i cant pay back my debts. i’m jobless. fell out of love with my ex. pretty sure the new guy i’m seeing just wants me for sex or something.
adhd. depression. anxiety. self medicating with weed can only get you so far if you have no other help.
this is just rambling at this point, i want to kill myself so fucking badly ",0.4778125000000024,2.85646948958334,2.5258333333333347,91.2025,88.47916666666666,4.866666666666667,21.541666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.4364541666666666,365,13,76,4,12,122,76,96,0.16,0.69,0.15,-0.4723,2,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,0,5,6,2,0,3,0,7,4,0,0,2,13,18,4,1,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,3,10,2,13,17,1,13,0,1,1,3,7,9,1,2,3,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376530386071444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425840662151396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512756417320772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205496339425786,0.16511018821564258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031889508599354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281358632794767,0.1033144600225668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958002676681952,0.3497334092010855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254540744061916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187773634582152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022093416740624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461390991757833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847406714194114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992089402604348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909849414271921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503952338935844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693449634979947,0.0,0.0,0.2011794285865792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757847326582206,0.0,0.20629287708045774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223502790865204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863738721392432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499082829699469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needSomeHelpPleaseee,2019/01/20,"I really need help, really badly ok so here goes, sorry if this is a bit long
it all started about 5 years ago when my brother was diagnosed with ADHD that turned out to be asperger's. He started getting more and more attention and I started getting less and less. He would get away with doing worse and worse and I'd get in trouble for the smallest things. My mom paints him as a perfect angel and let's him get away with murder. I now get neglected by my parents. I never get noticed by mom except for when she needs something from me. My dad is never home but when he is, my mom is too and she corrupts him. It's like he's afraid of her. He will take her side in everything. Earlier today we were putting away Christmas decorations and I hit my head while getting the box for the tree out and I groaned in pain and got a little angry and I got screamed at to go to my room. Meanwhile my brother was running around making a bigger mess and yelling which was apparently totally acceptable. I'm also pretty sure I have ADHD but my parents refuse to get me tested. They claim that I act like a complete and utter spaz for attention. I dont do good in school because I cant sit still and they yell at me for it. I try to explain to them my problems and I get yelled at even more. I cut myself with a pencil twice during school. I've thought about doing worse with a knife but I dont for the mental health of my girlfriend. I want out of this house but have nowhere to go. I cant call CPS because if I do, I will get taken away from my girlfriend who is my entire world. She is the only reason I dont kill myself right now. I recently got told I probably have brittle bone disease and that threw my entire lifes goals out the window and my parents acted like it was nothing. I'm also bisexual and my parents are super mormon so they wont accept me for who I am. I cant take them anymore. I cant take my brother anymore. I cant take life anymore. Somebody please help me get out of this hell hole of a house.",2.0352754677754668,3.8432244038461536,3.6299610187110223,89.06301195426201,77.79807692307692,6.035758835758838,24.704781704781706,6.885778809224403,0.9167933471933476,1576,56,328,16,37,523,197,416,0.128,0.767,0.105,-0.8506,5,0,1,0,1,3,30.0,1,0,5,3,16,22,4,1,14,1,34,7,2,2,6,58,71,33,2,7,7,11,0,3,2,4,5,4,3,0,14,30,0,2,7,0,0,7,11,12,0,1,12,4,64,10,49,52,8,48,3,1,0,0,40,23,1,2,20,223,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672443507365208,0.0,0.061678867729736485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128691612781323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701531882098573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194134944835125,0.0,0.0,0.26149248038179057,0.0,0.05809676659290936,0.08483118893631174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759638265868112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104941561118877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295377451092551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706226887139543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446432958701133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595722879723431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253441889460352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362349387014901,0.0,0.07908834265006379,0.05836077744552508,0.16694951849220013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140961224357956,0.07396076108267463,0.0,0.0,0.09327661342112356,0.0,0.06979486125364957,0.0,0.0,0.16057298681698873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698045504038648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115072094037429,0.09829345444370514,0.10198047479768774,0.06973788700334918,0.0,0.06157650573468261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644548845377451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012072474844132,0.0,0.0,0.2444753345663056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318603911150252,0.10732945994197167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676431517564578,0.07921779971078813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052919065108144515,0.07403850104397125,0.0,0.3090434069488338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637843582854405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707883288863095,0.07501948995656355,0.06657909041936286,0.0,0.06994756715246836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915003169294218,0.0715402877845991,0.06870229683977137,0.0,0.0,0.059421321275751865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083825350719234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053566427240230606,0.0,0.07788961341287505,0.14774819484653318,0.0,0.05556703459201882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557874753645593,0.0,0.2092633460120061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622615699408626,0.0,0.0,0.05523910244529201,0.0,0.0,0.06595412761582606,0.06648709859847307,0.0,0.04724055590899096,0.07568354544957813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104035021364146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272525874418727,0.04942795295438536,0.0,0.0,0.04480752637143325
suicidewatch,pennydreadful__,2019/01/20,"Numbness I'm so numb to everything. Everyday i use the train, i go to uni, then I come back home,i don't talk to anyone, I don't have any friends, my family thinks I'm a burden. I only have short flings with people I have no feelings for whatsoever , I can never find anyone with similar interests . I never met anyone i really cared for. What's the point of living if you can't even experience love. I feel like i am incapable of love ,maybe because i never felt loved, not once. I have lost all my motivation and will to experience things. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I thought it could make me feel better.",1.5085347985348,3.7326344444444466,3.829682539682541,84.8687362637363,81.53968253968254,7.368986568986569,20.8034188034188,8.384062270229773,1.2807125763125762,484,14,100,11,13,167,85,126,0.195,0.6890000000000001,0.116,-0.8771,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,3,4,12,0,0,3,0,11,6,1,3,4,23,31,4,0,3,3,0,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,4,4,20,8,12,25,1,11,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,1,7,63,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157293824270396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133172591420817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485203138435493,0.0,0.09105117368976236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210070545909985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522869968768683,0.0,0.0,0.12866423577771366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925534806096386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865380113105984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423912378820085,0.29221415792615435,0.14080749694176833,0.0,0.2265694398607795,0.10670598275258443,0.14341328180264729,0.0,0.13651638832128668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539859255498718,0.0,0.0780367528957468,0.0,0.08488725094814739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982470750067994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297191862409537,0.0,0.1318915332608996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304892583044026,0.0,0.4044217045555604,0.0,0.09970192070478692,0.0,0.1500566516673097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34559718265442496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906824935837385,0.0,0.11359838401602387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355049302080097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119767064701114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568668224390932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200534756409864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923109418255824,0.09570669936451827,0.0,0.11857867782541386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900291561363794,0.0,0.0,0.08809901411134015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skywlkr64,2019/01/20,It's cruel how the people you thought would care don't even blink an eye I was told talking to me about it would be a waste of time. I'm being ignored. I'm doing living in misery.,1.8394166666666685,2.7066247750000048,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,76.25,5.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.2889166666666667,141,3,32,0,3,48,35,40,0.281,0.647,0.071,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,7,1,1,1,0,5,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,3,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777729481378992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472698301631185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271786454275141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568740327923747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978123960495921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29415391745245584,0.2160549727510277,0.0,0.0,0.3540506569989608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264178941932582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notyerd,2019/01/20,"I think suicide is a good option A few months ago I wound up living in my car. I lost my job with my father due to us arguing. I then lost my girlfriend (when the money left, she left) which I’m really not too awfully concerned with and then I lost my apartment. I didn’t have a penny left by the time I was evicted. I applied to a few places and actually got offered to be hired at almost every place I applied and interviewed. Well, I lost my ID and nowhere could hire me. I don’t even have the $13 to get one from the DMV. I’ve been eating out of dumpsters and sneaking WiFi and electricity for my phone from businesses. I have no gas, a flat tire and my battery is dead. I don’t have a single friend. I have absolutely no one to talk to. Even my family members give me the cold shoulder. I think a waste of space like myself should commit suicide.",1.7437923728813551,3.5491662429378583,3.5910416666666656,89.0201218220339,78.66101694915254,6.4588983050847455,23.49187853107345,7.413659706084162,0.928774293785311,663,22,143,9,16,223,107,177,0.193,0.735,0.07200000000000001,-0.9674,2,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,1,0,0,4,5,9,1,0,12,1,15,4,1,0,1,18,25,10,3,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,2,0,1,1,6,5,1,2,8,1,29,4,18,14,3,19,0,4,0,0,11,11,0,2,8,97,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.12511287313180192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364898280267008,0.0,0.12838216114119566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236394963714948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311891679732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936083613341554,0.0,0.10802107983157012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086343933281675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905346727475868,0.0,0.06698358080497427,0.12298914929777426,0.0,0.10753509648263564,0.102539944146254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722702261162028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178963017062831,0.0,0.0,0.06263613267175681,0.0,0.11321033805027693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.559818316024413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233469635736636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375461676867698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679009141205627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213356366336108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28047829160893883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304902995206904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430149109420444,0.0,0.0,0.07475933055052092,0.14735665908963674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421888112382096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152747202621136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lazy_Lifeguard,2019/01/20,"I'm filled with hate, and cannot dance. Do not respond to me, I'm venting for myself and leaving a note. Please, fuck off. I had so much text dumped on here. But I wiped it. It doesn't matter. If I decide to learn to fly then I just want this here so that everyone knows how angry I was. And I don't know why. So angry all the time. So angry my head hurts. I don't know why. And to number 4, I'm so sorry. I fucked this one up. I hope we have better luck next time. I hope I don't worry so much.




I doubt you remember. But we talked for hours about it a few times. And this time I fucked it up. And I'm sure that the countless other times we found each other I didn't. I don't believe that this run ends well. I don't believe we'll live our lives to the fullest because of my fuckups. You might think you're okay, and however you end up you'll be okay. And I know thats true, but I don't *believe* it. Does that make sense? I don't believe.",-1.772881773399014,0.13282621428571595,0.6074712643678168,103.60500000000002,96.38095238095238,3.4679802955665027,13.908045977011492,4.966512066861506,-1.4038604269293926,715,14,185,3,29,238,107,210,0.13,0.758,0.112,-0.7618,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,5,4,0,1,12,16,5,1,5,2,18,4,1,2,3,40,36,20,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,16,13,0,0,9,1,0,3,11,7,1,1,4,0,32,9,15,28,5,18,0,1,0,3,11,5,3,6,10,115,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693385094045692,0.0,0.0,0.5126111891074259,0.0,0.10059909868966267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953989622674182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149039913264785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868918305303624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471662436428853,0.0,0.3154690485463477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230063185343013,0.11673621770986715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259508980641851,0.11201690335911847,0.0,0.12176745179688203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500473203668148,0.0,0.0,0.12044059655223455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008796141509202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592634214686446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066653705835252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672328041433365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097016762549165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707723732335298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485895712200408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885205115204346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732934100927407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720426437050756,0.0,0.0,0.0914247308677991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288384767645324,0.0,0.0,0.3316310536167729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709034129868971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227131959152384,0.0,0.2052761564127216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155145902876409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dreamsquishy,2019/01/20,"Hi I'm a piece of shit After years of fuck ups stealing lieing minlipulateing faimly friends room mates I just keep it going more lies stealing minlipulateing now it's to the point where when the step dad hits me spits on me gets in my space it's what I deserve i caused it I'm wrong no matter how I try to change it have I just caused my own 
Mother to be so tired of being used how I feel doesn't matter  dose she feel the need to self preserve to the point of being selfish how do fix it is wish to cut. My self but will it help or do I deserve to be where I am ",0.1660856079404489,2.1035456209677434,2.023548387096774,97.54378411910672,84.7258064516129,4.460545905707196,16.796526054590572,5.369823440869387,-0.8747660049627792,443,9,108,2,13,146,77,124,0.16699999999999998,0.757,0.076,-0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,3,0,5,0,11,5,2,6,0,17,23,7,0,2,4,2,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,0,2,14,1,15,17,3,15,0,0,0,1,9,9,2,1,4,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138894630416794,0.21310748091486625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371843395858968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563983764164874,0.18623735948034895,0.10524935600915697,0.0,0.11448872696710008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350277470554397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905809356364724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937268708391366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808708936273777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203127511338065,0.0,0.2067856195812776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23153724071576398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677138566853328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398819514925026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165765839937544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202540461738165,0.0,0.1297272513474783
suicidewatch,threebeansauce,2019/01/20,"I feel like one day I’ll kill myself. It feels like my loneliness will never go away. I should be so happy with my life; I have a house, a family, education, I can draw, I teach children, one of the most fulfilling things in my life right now. I’m only 22. I’ve suffered from social anxiety all my life. I’m sure there’s a lot of things that I have but could never bring myself to get help. It’s too scary. I have so many regrets and so much doubt in myself. I can’t even put all my thoughts into words. I don’t have plans but I’ve never been able to shake the feeling that I will kill myself one day. 

",0.4173076923076948,2.272242730769232,2.4700000000000024,95.16500000000002,83.23076923076924,5.538461538461538,16.923076923076927,6.67199483983844,-0.3277692307692304,465,9,110,5,13,156,79,130,0.211,0.69,0.099,-0.9525,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,2,5,0,13,3,0,0,6,22,22,6,2,3,2,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,6,0,3,2,3,19,4,10,15,5,15,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,3,8,74,25,1,0.15302278470098696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706201145447474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376994342862098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217624200642145,0.0,0.0,0.1973740737460215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107010610274783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425626273700964,0.0,0.2321187532951486,0.2186390159315664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799480892237397,0.0,0.08696637495702816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289559976132004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256794700320672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176567748312588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33859407811977965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242535547670602,0.14951840625097598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009449940621398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514108581102834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248935378249628,0.0,0.3540618153505325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110765975225521,0.11638072323586793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383016380122774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068062203235215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598745838897782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442221636304099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332307732165697,0.0,0.0,0.12148299824166517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sojeee,2019/01/20,"I want silence I'm in the middle of exams and they're going shit because I keep procrastinating into oblivion. I'll probably fail them all but I can retake them so no big deal. Can't concentrate on studying or anything because my mind is never quiet. It keeps telling me to kill myself over and over and over again. I have nothing to complain about though: loving parents and family, great friends, love my uni and my studies and I have 2 amazing dogs. 

Despite all that I've been having daily suicidal thoughts and self-harm at least weekly. If it wouldn't ruin other people's commute I'd have already jumped in front of the train I take to uni every day. I want to kill myself so badly but I can't bring myself to it because it would hurt others and I only want myself to hurt.

I've been to a psychologist and a psychiatrist but I was too scared to bring up my feelings on this front because I was only there because of my crippling anxiety. I probably wouldn't even be able to justify why I want to end it, best explanation is that I want my mind to be quiet for just one time.

I had an MRI scan recently to check if there was any residue from a dangerous growth near my brain which I had removed 2 years ago. If it turns out there is, I plan on not having it taken out. That'd give me the pain I deserve and I wouldn't have to actively off myself because I'm way too big of a pussy for that.

I don't expect any sympathy or response, just needed to write everything down and scream into the void. If you've read this far down I just hope you stay mentally healthy yourself, you deserve to be ",3.7093518518518485,4.964371293209876,4.898456790123458,83.98805555555559,72.17901234567901,7.498765432098766,27.69753086419753,7.9370924344782425,1.6955641975308646,1265,46,252,17,24,418,172,324,0.175,0.672,0.153,-0.9037,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,2,2,3,14,20,4,1,9,0,28,6,2,0,3,50,50,23,3,16,13,1,1,0,1,4,2,3,0,0,16,15,0,2,2,1,1,8,9,13,0,1,9,5,39,7,41,33,4,41,0,4,1,2,13,22,1,7,9,173,55,4,0.1060757996105165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402979610721338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170572826120589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427036245862698,0.0,0.0811476963598138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729134483557599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856886188567151,0.3879769372955689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132000733446967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184156737385316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841011531683112,0.10935949162571193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395167348953118,0.0,0.0,0.07006206521805358,0.0,0.08937343618358301,0.0,0.0953340888828888,0.0,0.09999882336838926,0.0,0.05363511150423752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195389964668709,0.0,0.0,0.10175757271799916,0.06028532143641783,0.0,0.0,0.11694894355106375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535720357384,0.0,0.0,0.22711267478985706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857008916482448,0.2347143116636124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147510124842884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689945671306728,0.0,0.21421263759054854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865386132962156,0.08181219602524664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178259060642658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187970707935737,0.16135085112479047,0.11287212968554385,0.0,0.11778462224294127,0.0,0.0,0.0735396032611746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287353060886985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610450522837143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473705503556838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106200380482987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066019326604984,0.0,0.10888528394999494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306268855057315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602970797495092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975580001096368,0.0,0.09271492433971763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421893454108078,0.0842123361089539,0.061853651791875935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153800095435904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31283127469741445,0.08419803230877211,0.08508760805395879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571691011330674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535320457993834,0.0,0.0,0.0683093371174707
suicidewatch,AWESOME_ADAM997,2019/01/20,"Plans for the weekend. I wanted to end it all this weekend seeing as my parents were in Liverpool and it was just my siblings and I, but my sister had friends over, so there was no way I could.

I'm planning to end it next Saturday. I know how I will and I have easy access to what I'm going to use. The thought of dying still scares me, the thought of doing it myself more so, but it'll only be a few seconds of pain.

I'm not writing a note. I don't even want to. Who would actually care what I went through? Who would care to read it and actually take it to heart.

The only defense I have against it is, ""people would be sad."" but the only reason they would be sad is because they wouldn't know what to do after someone nearby died.

I don't know if I'll make another post. I've said everything I've had to. I wish you all the best in dealing with any depression issues you may be facing. Please, try to avoid a fate like mine. You don't deserve it.",1.3189823982398217,2.9572130544554485,3.215379537953797,91.99790979097912,79.34653465346534,5.8750275027502745,23.103410341034106,6.691623216298621,0.5256624862486241,735,24,166,7,18,247,113,202,0.129,0.7190000000000001,0.151,0.7115,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,2,3,7,12,1,2,9,0,27,3,2,4,2,35,47,12,2,10,6,2,0,1,1,8,1,1,0,0,15,5,0,2,6,3,0,2,6,7,0,1,9,2,22,5,22,25,5,15,0,3,1,0,13,3,0,2,9,117,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.2463194871655319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582503009556873,0.13233895467839302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693456404193395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324463710619656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735272241294704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076595216664354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301137877532459,0.10870183105301076,0.0,0.2619657047677649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356373318408865,0.0,0.0,0.0833584771455959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134266374336442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750714954560707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172629829755035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955580207011712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172722979079454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808005984846364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616583237661163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424409584990017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422248600766118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879581381318426,0.1342930559281126,0.0,0.1401378436502451,0.0,0.0,0.08749598400595245,0.0,0.0,0.13853729356747468,0.0,0.0,0.12087133786353235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624106849543534,0.0,0.0,0.12976172846698575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005167736410086,0.0,0.1263551390012908,0.0,0.10057057127974167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693470961732993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078900543642197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489189351971164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038838629914127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568621092144375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090022530263062,0.0,0.0,0.14888021688274475,0.1001771747674142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699507472163813,0.0,0.0,0.14513172387741238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586150857685897,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontwanttolive911,2019/01/20,"It’s hard to live I can’t get out of bed.  I’m afraid of everything.  I’m afraid of going to work, I’m afraid of people judging me, I’m afraid of not being good enough, I’ve gained fifty pounds in a year so I’m afraid of my friends and family seeing how disgusting I am, I’m afraid to file my taxes, and I’m afraid to put this all in writing.  I’ve been fired by my hair stylist and my counselor because I can’t make it to my appointments and now my dr has almost fired me for the same thing.  I’m staying alive to live in my bed.  This isn’t a life.  I just want to die.",-0.026395348837208843,1.4566163798449594,2.1404844961240315,98.86328488372095,82.87596899224806,5.54031007751938,18.501937984496127,6.42735559955562,-0.3619410852713174,439,10,114,4,12,148,70,129,0.14400000000000002,0.78,0.076,-0.866,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,1,7,3,0,7,3,1,2,1,14,20,6,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,8,0,0,1,5,13,2,19,18,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,59,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24305084485471956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796097056911933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519069316629581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507965270138617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814272391179093,0.0,0.2288165332376697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752627851809966,0.0,0.1268121346558269,0.0,0.13794440565947924,0.20358354945351995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743107817554191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714416018735862,0.0,0.0,0.4286556335369063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201870176160435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827275068933287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440024725481077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341786780166326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25870916838058017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612535941152603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316362003757546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670437810320538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630489620264704
suicidewatch,Darkinightstorm,2019/01/20,I just don’t know I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for some time now but today it’s been bad and idk why I have thoughts of just ending it all but idk if I really want to ,5.707073170731706,3.837331048780492,6.795243902439027,82.85676829268293,67.78048780487805,11.126829268292685,30.256097560975608,10.125756701596842,2.4423560975609764,147,4,35,3,2,50,31,41,0.274,0.682,0.044,-0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,8,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,4,5,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772227749786149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025755107054757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736020010266626,0.3121208159252432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32096467068103923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915677417308505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321524755234273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876924244409886,0.2113090298493862,0.0,0.3434976680600381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137434775404476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269952028746713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OtherAardvark,2019/01/20,"SO hit me in the face with a door today. He came home this morning from staying at his friend's house for a party and nothing I did was right. Wasn't appreciative enough of the food he brought me. Didn't clean the house while he was gone. Didn't leave him alone while he was trying to nap. I didn't even know he was trying to nap. Then we started fighting and I tried to follow him into a room after he closed the door and he slammed the door into my face as I tried to walk through it. I have a slight black eye. He makes me feel like shit every day, but today is the first time he's hurt me.
I'm just feeling so tired. I could leave, but it's winter and my parents are out of town and I lost the spare key to their house. I could kill myself, but he just went to pick up his 4yo daughter, who means the world to me.

So, I'm getting drunk and fantasizing about being dead. Cheers.",1.2357947434292882,2.9163998510638334,2.2803879849812283,98.41029411764707,79.74468085106382,4.8490613266583225,18.505632040050067,5.0885558068054335,-0.70681576971214,684,14,164,2,17,216,109,188,0.177,0.757,0.066,-0.9795,1,1,0,0,3,1,19.0,1,0,1,2,7,8,3,0,12,0,15,7,4,2,0,26,31,16,2,2,5,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,4,13,2,0,4,3,0,6,4,5,0,1,14,4,22,3,22,13,1,29,0,2,2,0,21,11,1,0,12,95,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039553051305953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504038884717222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164614820657455,0.0,0.0,0.08742265235611855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006597953686542,0.0,0.0895337121205327,0.0,0.11421209868106748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708275992228836,0.0968415066806842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530418963076275,0.16391531568876486,0.0,0.10473052478947978,0.0,0.07082261492699041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359741041512243,0.0,0.0,0.469241595465985,0.1451159110159909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997305279008366,0.0,0.0744982426680518,0.0,0.0,0.2870692723559888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622600122921897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797580447479206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904849378726688,0.0,0.0,0.14766064016206645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007000490030665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505193206523947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576440991248413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391466785485109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594750517618936,0.14448506730075655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904401670007387,0.15580212043334274,0.2569832006699069,0.0,0.0,0.3681355420128433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566212457734166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jim-Dread,2019/01/20,"I'm sorry I don't even know where to start.  What I did was selfish,and I'm sorry if anyone feels responsible.  I just wanted to stop hurting so much.  I was facing a life without her and I couldn't bear it.  I have nothing to offer anyone anymore.  I believed in love for the longest time.  I believed that love I would get through this period in my life and find a new path.  Now I'm starting down a life alone and I just can't do it.  I can't walk life without her with me.  I don't know how I can love someone so much and she could feel nothing for me.  I spent my life believing in a lie and I just can't do it anymore.

Layla, I hope you grow up okay without me around.  You're young enough that you don't have the burden of remembering me I hope.  I want you to know that I loved you so much.  I am going to miss all your firsts.  I can only hope that you turn out to be as awesome as I imagined you would be.  I hope that you lives life filled with love for yourself and everyone.  I hope that you are successful.  I hope that you don't feel a longing for me, I'm not worth a second thought.  I used to say I'd do anything for you, but I can't face this darkness any longer and I'm so sorry for that 

You.  I loved you.  I loved every second with you.  I know we were having issues, and I was really trying my best.  I was too late and I'm so sorry.  I never wanted this.  I wanted to be with you forever.  I don't know what happened really, I don't know what made you fall in love with me in the first place and why it isn't there anymore but I know why I fell in live with you and I never stopped. I hope you find someone who can take care of you.  I hope you find someone who can make your coffee how you like it.  I hope they find your quirks cute and not annoying.  I hope they respect you.  I hope you get to do all the things we talked about.

To anyone else who cared about me, I'm sorry.  I know it seems like I'm turning her into the villoan, but it isn't her fault.  I did this.  We grew apart, no one cheated or hurt the other one.  I was depressed for a long time and kept it to myself.  No one is to blame but me.  I didn't know how to go on living with this much pain.  I tried to seek help, but I just kept feeling worse.  

To every stranger out there who reached out to me on here or my throwaway account, thank you and I'm sorry.  The people here are friendly and give good advice.  It just didn't work for me.

I'm sorry, Layla.  I'm sorry everyone.",-0.18979949874686491,1.7191323007518804,1.934962406015039,97.8135463659148,85.95488721804512,4.560401002506267,17.979949874686717,5.6386962141138826,-0.565030576441103,1872,46,451,11,57,626,196,532,0.093,0.6809999999999999,0.227,0.9975,0,1,0,0,0,0,57.0,3,26,2,5,24,40,2,0,14,1,44,17,2,6,4,102,114,33,0,20,18,0,4,2,1,2,7,1,0,0,31,30,0,4,21,0,3,8,24,9,0,7,15,5,101,31,56,92,8,43,0,4,0,8,54,18,0,15,19,311,132,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045760634816647536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850059180251811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031845240930536124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393249825552096,0.09823151498515907,0.04798171656857159,0.03853617416725637,0.0416876271789353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828031848809526,0.049144015354807925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549031838665006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037389046304655164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033364154511715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911951623533319,0.0,0.0,0.04838674617426982,0.0,0.03093003038097565,0.0,0.07891069404839926,0.0894939940206948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471234529841456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120297403113774,0.07966523455504974,0.0,0.0,0.036179872774550835,0.0,0.048932308947561134,0.04492252413437338,0.053227857835820964,0.03927783869239911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041410619637786715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03138840790073371,0.0,0.0,0.5116280325132619,0.0,0.0,0.10026255876546476,0.0,0.0,0.04887717912978088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316233258993111,0.0,0.052825010888083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845971646430985,0.04575644595798061,0.0,0.12405226409878507,0.08288416177272508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338119105132415,0.04431061393895526,0.031258637792819885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769844573001136,0.0,0.07223463084394399,0.045227619426196235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986713737065145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951973732213336,0.0356154697392511,0.04982922483763295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03246524572168781,0.0,0.048926207510646885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059999553082138474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304798679795166,0.0,0.0,0.03724020109034135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263124916430995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903386183991375,0.0,0.0,0.4193687343250173,0.06629143771193609,0.0,0.0,0.07830207296228846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035209486185149845,0.03763927599692213,0.0,0.04311373657759124,0.0,0.0,0.03111102382894073,0.0,0.0,0.03717689603063115,0.054612587372147164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358746459347872,0.10187273781992166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040445112640551284,0.0,0.0,0.11048353542415522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451155210922401,0.0,0.0,0.1354240936483015,0.0,0.034091978836251695,0.0,0.04772262447755609,0.06653177863677356,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hubbaluna,2019/01/20,"I'm supposed to end it. i feel it. i dont think im cut out for living and being on this earth. maybe my purpose is to end it or live a horrible life because of myself.

i cant do anything right. no matter how hard i try, it is always one step forward and 3 steps back for me. im in my early 20s and i have nothing. i have nothing and no experiences and i sit in my chair all day under this dark cloud that sucks all my energy. 

i have 0 friends. my family (6 aunts 3 uncles 6 cousins) thinks im a lazy, stupid, under achiever that loves being a burden.

i have lived with my grandparents for a few years now but they are so toxic and mean to me no matter what i do. last night the family  got together for whatever reason and towards the end i of course snapped at my grandmother for calling me stupid in front of everyone. my mom starts yelling at me for being disrespectful, even after telling her 100 times before that i deal with name calling and belittling from them on a daily basis and that she agreed that was fucked up and shed talk to my grandparents. AND EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THEY TREAT ME. and theyve all agreed to others and myself that it was fucked up but when were all together they laugh or join in. so i dont know.. i just snapped. i said some choice words to my grandparents and my mom. in front of the whole family. great. another reason for them to think the way they think about me.

i grew up with anger issues but i can say for a fucking fact that i have been getting SO much better at it the past few years. i used to break EVERY TIME someone said anything at me but now i can go a month or two. but god damn people have their breaking points when you are just pelted with negativity every second of every day from people that are supposed to be there for you and love you. right...?

they never do this to my other cousins by the way. in fact growing up since my grandparents favorited me for whatever reason when i was a baby my aunts had this resentment for me, my mom and grandparents. so ive been dealing with this family hate for since i can remember. i believe this really stunted my growth as a person.

but look at me now.. im 20 im incredibly unhealthy, mentally and physically, i have nothing to my name because im too scared to work because every job experience ive had it was traumatizing to my stupid little brain and i cant connect with other people or make friends for whatever reason.

the one thing i can say i did was get myself into my ""dream"" school (albeit it be a pay to play kind of school. .\_.) and feed myself and my pet for a year. but my money i saved up from my last job is gone and now i can just see myself sinking back into this hole of no escape. my school is so demanding, 60 hours of in class work (i have to attend class or i fail the month and have to pay and retake the class) and homework and graded assignments due every other day, no one will even hire me. and when i do have down time i have no energy or motivation to do anything. i just lay there, im numb and i have no one. i blew one of my last 100$ to re motivate myself and bought a piano to learn but my grandparents scolded me and said i was going to be nothing but a homeless musician and laughed in my face. 

my chest hurts. eveything hurts. instead of doing my assignment im writing this because honestly i just want to be gone. no one would miss me and i can guarantee you that my family would be like ""well its sad that there was a death in the family but she did it to herself"" i see nothing for myself in the future. i cant escape my family. i thought i was doing something good for myself like going to school for my passion but honestly i think that just put me in a bigger hole. see what i mean! i cant do anything right. 

im sorry my brain is scrambled.",1.8398940435280653,3.7762022963917588,3.637044673539522,88.18318442153497,78.87113402061857,6.733791523482245,22.24684994272624,7.744694174462626,0.9697119702176402,2946,89,621,47,72,988,293,776,0.14300000000000002,0.725,0.132,-0.8994,8,0,1,0,1,0,76.0,0,4,8,7,32,39,12,1,26,0,68,13,4,10,7,104,108,60,1,3,23,7,2,2,2,3,2,6,2,1,36,40,1,0,19,2,4,15,16,20,1,8,23,12,118,19,93,74,9,92,0,5,4,6,42,37,5,7,39,445,154,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982664837069143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018953457490987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755184064910055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736088603445709,0.0,0.11670970112683528,0.0,0.04072870394681903,0.05392629145473176,0.0,0.042331782304386584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686401609661893,0.09774890774481078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260488202598373,0.09869128050745032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219240746121052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717978327250676,0.0,0.0,0.06322738729466172,0.0,0.2016372499813932,0.0914721283942386,0.0,0.09364027297658532,0.31585316676806124,0.0,0.0242014559313686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395915231933099,0.13274837708072046,0.0500138863580369,0.0,0.08160657314583493,0.04014601810137685,0.038281180642028005,0.052770184011784314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428767060190691,0.04725575042108169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713635836875521,0.0,0.10247871657631806,0.0,0.4653116050627126,0.04995753797594121,0.09499518798637344,0.0,0.0,0.04984294802041656,0.0526095604704006,0.11704654523911315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03380772990067854,0.046767825543293916,0.0479722614490788,0.12679425869199765,0.0,0.04019367089643465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639818385484438,0.0,0.031949564447337445,0.0,0.04808578038723976,0.10427576677638492,0.0,0.0,0.048235613167768726,0.0,0.0,0.1681730716490246,0.07640911119701523,0.0,0.035185517322509005,0.0,0.03691563606793406,0.0,0.0,0.044917083331994616,0.0,0.2296337988359872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460314496819625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045691564992866834,0.0995485280604871,0.04179296298964736,0.0,0.0,0.04524691245927037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811649912771314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03066287790137728,0.19684848722648024,0.0,0.0,0.05422053527207677,0.12262667894224458,0.13658875785631142,0.07612668297663093,0.04792017311179683,0.19376352825127025,0.11442413558569133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918712335425189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040554977320469934,0.036848014227015335,0.0,0.053579783663801984,0.033878356688509616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03847123736438101,0.041835210045392986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03179868769181333,0.15334646202266264,0.0,0.03799863716247572,0.08372957859425921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032496486435803565,0.0,0.0467561332500937,0.0,0.0,0.04133909293980606,0.0,0.0,0.028231403258834224,0.07598436588568312,0.0,0.0,0.043035447566843896,0.0,0.0,0.053438401145681186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969106473451524,0.0,0.0,0.06800236668789994,0.0,0.0,0.0924684613633472
suicidewatch,Donathan513,2019/01/20,"I don't know what to title this I've typed here before but I don't even know what to type rn. I just think I'm done with life. I've tried to kill myself a few times before and failed every time. I even failed with fentanyl like how tf can I be so stupid to fail with fentanyl? But In a few days I'll have enough oxycodone I can overdose with. I've been thinking about doing it with them for a few weeks now. The way my life is I just can't take it anymore. I'm only 18 but my life is so bad. I came from meth addicted parents and an abusive dad. I've never had a friend irl. I still don't, only a few online friends. I sit in my room alone all day every day. Just getting high to feel numb and not feel as much. But that still doesn't work. I've been trying to hold on and see what can happen in college in August. And I've been trying to get a job to just try to get out of my room and try to change my life. But I just don't even wanna try to hold on and try anything anymore. Everything is so bad. And my mom is so depressed as well and I need to be here for her to help her but I can't even do it. I don't know how to explain anything and I'm gonna stop typing here now. I just think in a few days I'm gonna try again and hopefully actually die and have all this pain just end for me finally. Idk. I hate living ",-0.2338139319601957,1.3666372617449696,1.9598680860911841,99.31372483221477,84.1006711409396,4.781485767183523,17.32284193473733,5.501188778358388,-0.7712382781763485,1016,21,260,5,29,342,135,298,0.243,0.7040000000000001,0.053,-0.9971,2,1,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,1,4,27,16,3,0,9,0,26,7,0,2,3,53,51,26,2,3,14,3,2,1,2,2,7,0,2,0,9,19,0,3,9,0,0,1,10,11,1,0,6,3,27,5,36,41,9,31,0,4,1,0,10,11,0,1,18,162,36,9,0.0,0.10999504553218624,0.0905941869488761,0.10120454396463688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614971891954972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413600622579152,0.0,0.0,0.1527916331208206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502775305678285,0.0,0.0,0.15799257349937962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061792334439496,0.0,0.0,0.09820779106104216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394852149644584,0.0,0.07995919541261227,0.0,0.09634873109319277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500308528524083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222481652642104,0.09592402630942934,0.0,0.2452682424505623,0.0,0.15643605099487154,0.0,0.0834346816396252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388097175941153,0.0,0.0,0.10169689912672493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344916086725035,0.0,0.14550836113142954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209424443045363,0.0,0.0,0.0916559686188369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222576848703582,0.09808594420599788,0.0,0.09220673152310674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212504183549326,0.0,0.10270887412567598,0.0,0.1530601095282151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622902146925447,0.045354801396351056,0.0,0.08197556552847851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872797236488917,0.0,0.0,0.06824487269406923,0.06883644619319454,0.07160056397025298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121136577302254,0.0987836598288416,0.0,0.10308298504803977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739779807185887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827731424696164,0.07761474681378241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698008431276123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845597692197784,0.0,0.0,0.10826640933953867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042344120141123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736886050171942,0.0744671457255987,0.0,0.0834703839540457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758544711915558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PotatoMagesty,2019/01/20,"Need Help I’m a 15 year old male and need help.

I am diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression.

My view on life is plummeting by the day and I’m realizing it.

I am considering suicide as my final resort.

I am an A and B student but still not good enough for my parents in that aspect.

My parents fight all the time and  never get along anymore.

My sister is becoming distant due to my dad and she was my only vent that I felt comfortable with.

My mom and dad work 12 hours a week and don’t have much time to help me.

I’m in a kinda rich family, I’m successful in school, and I have friends, but nothing makes a difference.

I can’t open up to anyone without being anonymous.

I don’t think I can last till summer.

I need support, anything that might hold me off. 

I can’t call hotlines due to my irrational fear of cranking up my parents phone bill and them getting pissed at me.

My councilor isn’t helping all that much.

I’m too scared to open up.

My only escape is videogames, but even that is failing.

Anything helps.

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suicidewatch,TheRegretRat,2019/01/20,"I feel like I am regressing at an alarming rate Because I am sure I am, even more than I think. So last month, I have hit a peak pit of depression again, and ended up trying to kill myself. Thank fuck for a close friend I was texting, and I was admitted for about 10 days into a facility. The reason I did what became my second suicide attempt is because I have no one. The friend, she's online only. All my friends are. I hardly get to see any of them maybe once every 2-3 months. And for the past 2 weeks I have been spiraling horrifically back to an even scarier place than last time. I really don't want to be admitted into another facility, for the 11th time in my 22 years of living. But I feel like there's no hope anywhere. I have no one irl, and constantly alone with my thoughts, which have become very horrific to the point of me questioning my sanity and if something might be a bit (very) fucked up with my head. I've become so drained I can't even cry. I haven't showered in a week. I feel like I belong no where in this world. I just give up. There isn't nothing left for me being alive unless I want to keep doing this for the next 40+ years. I don't know what to do. I can't drive, I'm on disability, and no one is close at all like I said. Please help. I'd hate to find out that a third attempt would be the one that does it",2.5797920858484247,3.5432529014084517,4.226539235412473,88.84776995305167,74.56338028169014,7.522199865861838,23.38296445338699,7.957251820313856,0.9465682763246144,1040,28,238,15,21,350,158,284,0.184,0.682,0.134,-0.9523,1,1,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,1,2,12,16,4,1,15,0,29,3,1,1,3,37,51,11,2,5,4,0,4,4,3,2,0,1,1,0,8,13,0,1,11,0,0,1,11,6,0,6,6,6,35,10,36,38,4,37,0,1,1,2,11,19,2,4,21,156,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761038033261502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065642626119112,0.10894954050473177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989366288751215,0.0,0.12667449915514695,0.2295015783522758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343327622128595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228036084620968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413066583889228,0.06700772336091435,0.0,0.08949001126712176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092470121406243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202568534382458,0.0,0.0,0.20587742598369613,0.0,0.0875413008714874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760681139607033,0.22268126330964366,0.0,0.0,0.09496387809338562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408215894874648,0.19211009902349188,0.054284125004498286,0.0996715653962394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930751292814202,0.10258099299364502,0.1066326781369284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964283087485636,0.0,0.0,0.10319740463028396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235222240438708,0.11495136056972301,0.0,0.05710142052474231,0.1693868044998446,0.0,0.0,0.11288903344234062,0.0,0.0,0.20304364830250984,0.0,0.09174672462518407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043827906031269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022282767478647,0.0,0.0,0.16586600425363104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050017896450147,0.0,0.0,0.09969607042358886,0.0,0.0,0.11065146116410607,0.2816247570950736,0.0790215975089724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918551851651372,0.0,0.0,0.1085547124845558,0.1140523930661652,0.0982202836397628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639320088588515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656181385626543,0.10682780989115744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883390055049752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279585973649223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998827350258109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365112509495084,0.0,0.0979257169864624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956583294811238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657573821673718,0.0,0.0824860021859485,0.12117133172300387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054214180676938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714588576990491,0.12256732161016655,0.0,0.1666866625064383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380848085792675,0.0,0.0,0.13381802218388486
suicidewatch,nviix,2019/01/20,"Need advices I'm a boy 20 i think i'm not ugly and i'm pretty athletic, i won't kill myself bc i have two sisters how loves me and i don't wan't to ruin their life. I was depressed for about 5 years i guess. It started gently then when i was 19 i started to cut myself, i have no reasons to be depressed my life is great and my family love me, i knew they would not judge me so i told them what i've done. They were so sad but glad i tell them. So i went to a therapist for around 6 month. I don't think i'm depressed anymore but life don't seems attractive i don't like to live, i don't believe in anything after life i just wish i was never born. But i will endure life for my sisters. I think i'm just a kid how likes to complain about nothing and i hope it will pass. I don't relly know what advice i want in reallity. 
I thank every one how reads this, if you are in the same case maybe it will help.
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suicidewatch,thisguy4675,2019/01/20,"An interesting title I'm buying a load of hydrocodone right now, I've got beer and xanax at home and I'm about to go out with a relaxation known only to the dead. 

I'm tired of being a constant disappointment to everyone in my vicinity. I'm too cowardly to tell them that I'm going so I figured I'd tell some strangers goodbye. 

My life is just trash and Joel is always hounding me to do this so I might as well. Fuck life ",1.1901747815230976,3.2731815505618016,3.3812734082397,88.43373283395756,81.80898876404493,6.652184769038702,23.372034956304606,7.793537801064563,1.1862873907615483,334,12,72,6,9,114,63,89,0.17600000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.09,-0.8456,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,5,0,5,6,0,0,0,10,14,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,3,13,11,1,8,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,2,2,41,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686190549312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686571023173581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375557516543165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298342387777174,0.0,0.0,0.28257949408791805,0.0,0.1988346570976786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24937425570109376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511985925884567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637339715437268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890777091135948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231001107751826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345889810332873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857385092716362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235285933319432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlbusSilver,2019/01/20,"I just need a hug That's all i need, a 20 min hug from someone who needs it back. ",-2.064499999999999,-0.8259864499999985,0.6999999999999993,107.855,88.5,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.661,61,1,19,0,2,21,16,20,0.0,0.677,0.32299999999999995,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073931655625985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8892578706274957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387179967058982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirbubbles1,2019/01/20,Cant do it but want to. I cant do anything stupid cuz of my job. But in 2 years I can right when I go home. I'm divorced with really no friends anymore cuz of my ex and us moving around. If I knew it wouldnt be a hassle to more people then it had to I'd go tomorrow. It just hurts being like this for years. I feel like I'm a terrible person anyway so what's the point. I cant do this for another two years. I just need to get everything in order and I should be good to go. I dont know how to not feel like my chest is going to cave in. I make jokes about killing myself every day but people just think I'm playing and the ones I'm serious about it dont care they have there own lives to live. One 3 people on earth will care I'm gone but I know they will get over it. ,-0.9656645851917922,0.7555416158192116,1.709824561403508,99.39642283675288,87.64406779661016,5.082247992863515,15.530478739220936,6.339386263674448,-0.7189819209039552,594,11,155,6,19,205,101,177,0.139,0.711,0.15,0.0021,1,0,0,0,1,1,12.0,1,0,2,0,11,14,2,0,4,0,19,1,1,4,0,28,42,14,1,5,9,1,2,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,0,6,2,0,6,8,5,0,3,3,2,18,9,21,32,2,22,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,10,97,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419423591754803,0.0,0.0,0.1342460411296484,0.0,0.0,0.11139413895537614,0.12050384956574045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276027966582468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729944424513697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172943349943303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140511351716053,0.0,0.12165763701095605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136889563909093,0.1934100484310862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045829240272785,0.0,0.14144560377619073,0.0,0.3077249633721275,0.11353802279847497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578247060930612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491139357356855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343292103354627,0.0,0.14976168999069,0.0,0.1487864988508346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839799912512973,0.0,0.2390601461849428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903574139647672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387193128363526,0.0,0.10037168260876568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834541120554804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28153584298061624,0.1181957914917511,0.0,0.0,0.1279639979583692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671850148231837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156012586710174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673664250949678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223226546434524,0.0,0.16282783401620968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984198330056876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615125178268067
suicidewatch,wsad1984,2019/01/20,"Why does it matter, anyway? Three months ago today I was about to do it. Jumping out a window, literally. It was the only option left to me. I sent off my notes to a friend, which was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Three months later, with nothing that even matters and nothing to stop me, I see no reason to continue living. I've had a massive crush on my best friend, and have been rejected twice by them. All I am is a burden, I do so little for anyone. The best I do is tell people how to fix their computer from time to time. School has no meaning to me anymore, all joy for learning is gone. Therapy has taken me nowhere. I see no reason to continue living. Tonight. At 23:00, this burden will be lifted from the world. I literally can't wait.",1.7639692982456123,3.90908833552632,3.5777894736842093,87.46019298245615,80.11842105263158,5.895438596491228,22.63333333333333,7.03164865440522,0.8146222807017542,585,19,117,7,15,196,97,152,0.127,0.742,0.131,0.5739,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,5,9,0,0,8,0,18,1,0,3,2,17,25,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,4,0,0,3,4,4,0,4,8,2,17,5,22,15,4,22,0,1,2,0,6,8,0,1,11,88,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426253456848513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956643658612404,0.11250281549776647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33770262587011884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080191386960525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627084907985794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486170076132639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481489354746552,0.0,0.11364620034871968,0.0,0.16126090843247504,0.2841497249043617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526383341029295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685265426204523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087697255748416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902786663740023,0.12236930138601475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115456139529715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33085750926497376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283619764334353,0.2564279091537888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451696742486194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406309348902506,0.0,0.1839995652693117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764048916213627,0.0,0.1525113964764764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518437727154598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mydogdeserveslove,2019/01/20,"i have ruined my life My parents are ok I guess. One second they tell me I should hate myself and that there's nothing to like about me, and the next second they say they only want to help and for me to be happy.  Around my friends I keep up a smile, I guess I'm the funny guy around them. They're the only people keeping me going tbh. With my parents I'm mostly silent and moody because talking to them is a chore.  I've made a shit ton of mistakes in the past year, and they never hesitate to remind me that I'm a failure because of it. 

The only time I don't completely  hate myself and my life is when I'm making beats/tracks or whatever you call them. I made an entire album in the past like 2 weeks and they keep getting more and more depressing (this is not a plug, in fact don't listen to it it isn't very good lmao). It's getting to the point where even that isn't helping anymore.

I've thought about suicide a lot in the past couple months. I don't think I have the balls to do it, but it's a nice fantasy i guess",1.7655656565656557,3.1062417181818205,3.3366666666666696,92.90944444444445,77.27272727272728,5.7979797979797985,21.767676767676765,6.139981653823899,0.15605555555555606,798,21,181,5,18,264,114,220,0.125,0.79,0.086,-0.7258,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,8,0,8,14,3,0,17,1,14,3,1,3,2,32,36,11,1,3,3,2,0,2,1,1,2,2,1,1,10,11,0,3,2,2,0,1,7,7,0,3,3,2,31,7,21,31,5,20,0,2,0,0,20,9,1,6,12,117,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125383365318541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203653920366055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834861511626695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158723386749625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897809989045972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555974573514234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773726525953562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495025165157405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767177192436308,0.0,0.1185737234764588,0.0,0.0644913905762408,0.09517882323633156,0.0,0.0,0.3750219430689916,0.11235971610379612,0.0,0.12079799523148113,0.0,0.22406938117103475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212200195892847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30258975936998506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030381594073795,0.11087791046405424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647378285196236,0.0,0.2147486843467939,0.07574653952807894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057597281380812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752018172995693,0.0,0.12068369586458536,0.0,0.0,0.10888389824020013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689470924775195,0.25891229851048936,0.0,0.0,0.25200476321440896,0.0,0.3249788840974701,0.07867041534712954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727210534493743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902411801377695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164821420522771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412502806925994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912082262191227,0.09918358657414897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271125004684477,0.0,0.09008777808488903,0.06616914235887164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363011367831683,0.06693146338201904,0.0,0.09102411720560302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307523680856852
suicidewatch,tiburonsol,2019/01/20,"classmate from last year killed themselves a friend of mine who graduated from my high school last year killed himself by jumping out of his dorm room window. apparently, two students were there when he did it.

im freaking out because i want to know why they were there, how that happened, was he drunk? was he about to jump off and his friends tried to talk him out of it and then he slipped and fell to his death? like i dont know and im freaking out. im so mortified that this happened, it just seems like something out of a movie. 

​

ive been feeling suicidal lately and this scares me because i wonder if things will ever get better, if ill be trappe in this depressive state of mind for the rest of my life. i live in a city where it's always raining, grey skies, people who arent warm and dont really give a fuck about helping anyone or strangers, and if i dont get accepted to any colleges out of state i might off myself because this city is full of horrors that remain untalked about. i mean fuck, i saw the warning signs in him now that i take time to reflect, but we all passed him off as the clumsy asian kid who was always late to everything because that was just his nature. now when i think about it, was he late to almost everything because he really struggled to get out of bed? because he didnt want to live another day but he forced himself up? he was always unkempt and greasy hair but i just thought that was him being a typical teenage boy, but the lack of self care i can see it now.

​

anyways, im scared, i dont want to do anything right now. i wasnt super close to him, but i broke the news to his best friend and her sobs and disbelief are tattood in me. 

​

what do i do.",4.828981505600417,5.213286252148997,5.0002565772336585,87.46807957801512,69.0,7.835425892159418,29.903750976816877,7.520522993642371,1.6300934097421202,1358,49,287,13,22,426,176,349,0.153,0.75,0.097,-0.9708,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,1,3,20,23,4,3,10,0,29,6,1,1,2,53,52,25,4,7,12,0,3,2,3,2,2,0,4,3,21,19,1,0,10,1,0,4,7,12,0,1,15,6,38,11,47,33,5,45,0,3,3,2,36,22,3,8,19,186,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483628093100564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865564555730199,0.2429259390380644,0.2724335203708547,0.05082234503348449,0.07836613641203041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052256431435887714,0.0,0.061500515699373086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733464786008916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842974434204918,0.06609701115435958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619728673099907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819787550488063,0.0,0.0643691235225432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503553313241742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760206256389446,0.0,0.0,0.1343339512312795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778824834601049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732201663752498,0.13818255824171916,0.1171378178944812,0.07169259690363793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217578123354168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009327766941731,0.0789616031757277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32290638565536345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536635145816278,0.0,0.08214477435025666,0.12183795696922875,0.2529129174065138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052787522251742484,0.07302346649080063,0.0,0.13198470234983514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140829590151588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928199705355247,0.075461019107661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181182090170158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575427597633106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382325937823564,0.0,0.0,0.14964549302055075,0.07563578351155999,0.05955409824036378,0.06803591340266654,0.07796487688525887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753463414004785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812922143820403,0.0,0.08174793148562971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619139950162925,0.06006914112217781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496505958560121,0.04788715361858604,0.0,0.0593312213107162,0.04357856429242996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074014155558548,0.0,0.07300521009827463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224187179397545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743668967647498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104689122999734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724335203708547,0.09625374583745937
suicidewatch,29824483,2019/01/20,"Now it's my turn. Couple of days ago I really started thinking about suicide. I tried to hang myself to see what it felt like and it felt like peaceful. But now I'm scared. I think I don't want to die. But I don't want to live this life either. I was so optimistic about everything. Tried to help people. Talked to them. But all I got in the end are just bunch of dissapointments. Every single fucking day is another dissapointment. I'm fucking tired. I really am. I began thinking about suicide years ago but these days I just can not take it. I can't cry man. How fucked up is that? I can't fucking shed a fucking tear. I miss my emotions. I miss when I was in love. But nobody fell in love with me? Why though? Why would someone fall in love with a monstrous looking motherfucker who they have never met before. To them I'm just a stranger. To all of them. I feel so fucking lonely. I fucked up everything. And I wish there was a way to delete everything. I'm so sick and tired of everything. Why me? Why 

I can't even change man. I don't want to be handsome. I don't want to be a better man. I just wanna fucking die. I don't even know why am I writing all of this and what to get from strangers from the internet. Rejection sucks man. And I feel stupid to tell people I want to die because some worthless whores didn't love me. I AM stupid. I don't want to live anymore. I don't know. I just don't fucking now. I hate my stupid fucking life. ",-0.30543743078627017,1.968788063122925,1.6707807308970108,95.84854097452936,93.61794019933555,4.594241417497232,19.126799557032115,6.307378622147532,-0.016600442967884543,1121,36,251,13,42,369,132,301,0.244,0.58,0.17600000000000002,-0.9726,0,3,0,0,0,6,41.0,0,0,4,1,20,30,15,1,7,0,26,20,0,1,4,44,73,16,5,9,12,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,4,11,7,0,0,9,0,0,3,14,22,0,0,9,6,42,8,34,61,7,24,0,5,2,15,18,6,11,1,16,156,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019900295934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109290126757678,0.0,0.0,0.06723814232081472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132948895349164,0.0,0.05769174296936125,0.0,0.0,0.05996248511439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172208812086507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501802775550337,0.07447374372115663,0.13117375545578425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109319659285408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762644687282685,0.06004956911172533,0.0,0.0,0.08956087041686413,0.0,0.057123371341080524,0.0,0.24373258065336306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856217064505378,0.0,0.13019486527965402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6267885224255877,0.035422048789402506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422485422190938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693722959309277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045444073251191736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452084024948376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577652489773696,0.06624608958838149,0.0,0.1197350774530066,0.0,0.0569338747773561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447640770735889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052290575962412086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940062337255298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686723117421104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787837672966263,0.0,0.054026826128329895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057445661191572475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798830448545335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832165749195514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050976222635916835,0.05449406739377721,0.059259096193178866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032810497221806,0.0666119280267249,0.0,0.0,0.1558493799521941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920618021781239,0.07374557152482644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993675751623186,0.05381549228881249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30588913403710016,0.0,0.07796521698002115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816228703703918,0.0,0.0,0.04366017238286631
suicidewatch,heartmadefullmetal7,2019/01/20,"I just want this nightmare to end I'm really scared and want to live. But my circumstances don't look like they'll improve. I would like to kill myself in a way that is foolproof, and won't make me feel any regret if it ends up being slow.


Personally I would like to fight it, but I'm too depressed to make it out. I live in India, and there's no real concept or understanding of mental health here. The one time my dad saw me depressed, he suggested that I be put in a mental asylum in a straight jacket. I have to live with him, and he's utterly putting down any fighting spirit I have left.


I genuinely want to die, there is no hope here. I'm fucked, just help me kill myself",3.357659574468084,4.2440760070922,4.554390070921986,87.52350000000004,72.61702127659575,7.625815602836879,24.738297872340425,7.908726449838941,1.1327327659574469,531,15,116,7,10,175,86,141,0.295,0.589,0.116,-0.987,0,0,0,0,3,3,15.0,0,0,1,0,7,13,5,1,4,0,11,2,0,2,0,24,25,8,3,8,6,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,1,3,17,4,16,18,0,16,1,3,2,1,10,9,1,3,7,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296967658632205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440605682611385,0.0,0.14725144072030322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513312330967176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173996061465591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116791224512953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508142641613288,0.0,0.0,0.09510072375298197,0.0,0.0,0.14092115077005876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31394351577162816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541555483784507,0.0,0.0,0.20794959435644608,0.0,0.3758540457451731,0.0,0.1191454090714947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894150915223705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859680011560213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961431273328982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388616318578335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852618257452135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149313435497553,0.09089344290752398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204894703181564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273271778452887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770449173664546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510575930177979,0.11261957609961548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015782489172523,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9year0ld,2019/01/20,"is their any point My parents hate me, I am failing school, I have no friends, I have been kicked out of my house twice, All my friends have left me, Nothing to live for and its not going to get better, I their any point in living or should i just end it now",2.401,3.214857418181822,2.859772727272727,99.0496590909091,74.81818181818181,5.5,22.84090909090909,3.1291,-0.31018181818181834,198,5,49,0,4,61,41,55,0.14800000000000002,0.706,0.146,-0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,12,3,6,8,1,8,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,35,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30597739162918514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896947941079185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925844437916024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476256664278427,0.0,0.1175386009076438,0.0,0.1278567897958387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221133046759199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595875186459372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444327701244038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973088504018221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586673143589466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24980481696827544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42534257368293216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276837062265536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,draufre,2019/01/20,"im ready to give up soon hi everyone. i thought to pour my sad little heart out somewhere. 

im 22 years old girl in europe. i have been suffering from depression and anxiety for long long time. first time i tried to kill myself back in 2011, so this has been going on for awhile, with ups and downs. last year was worst for me, not only did i lose my gf of 3 yrs, i moved to another city for studies and had a burnout to the point i couldnt study longer than a month after starting before being on a sick leave.  

i have lost all my friends due my depression and im incredibly lonely, i feel like im going insane from how much im forced to spend time alone. i feel like im just more trouble than worth being around.  im annoying and whiny to my friends and i cant blame them for backing away, but im bitter, seeing everyone having fun with their loved ones. i spent my new years alone, thinking i shouldnt be here, crying. 

im struggling financially and i honestly dont know how im going to pay my next months rent. i keep fighting with the healthcare because they refuse to believe that i need help or give me any support i may need. im so tired, this has been going on almost a year now. i have tried to return back to school but health care and my financial situation is making it really hard for me. 

i keep thinking i should kill myself everyday and i have tried several times. i have started self-harming again due all the bad things piling up, its hard to find any reason to keep going. life keeps pushing me down every time i try to get up and i feel like it would be good for everyone if i was gone, just in case for causing more trouble. it is all my fault that im in this position but im all alone trying to fix it and i got no strength left in me to help myself. it feels like i deserve all these bad things happening to me because im a bad person. i honestly dont know how long i will last, i feel like im at my end. i feel so unlovable and worthless. im sorry and thank you if anyone read this. ",1.4697587799246534,3.2983016800947915,3.114360189573464,92.00668185684772,79.59241706161137,6.223939725361527,21.720986754162112,7.2200825789825185,0.5607063312674683,1567,46,349,20,39,518,209,422,0.215,0.632,0.153,-0.9762,1,5,0,0,2,2,36.0,0,1,3,5,17,38,5,1,8,0,30,6,1,6,5,63,68,25,2,8,9,0,8,5,3,5,4,0,1,2,15,18,0,5,13,1,5,8,7,22,0,2,12,10,53,16,52,46,9,63,0,8,1,1,17,21,0,5,39,205,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477435896880698,0.1389298715256809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060813762839543116,0.04688626263971661,0.03420589424814243,0.0,0.0,0.03126489171337079,0.0,0.0,0.0398047149043878,0.0,0.0,0.042010037414172974,0.1031463348272732,0.11200233374116812,0.05451417059335677,0.0,0.038048105574193775,0.05037708131281269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455886453214882,0.04593333537925605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911595174222539,0.0,0.0,0.07702376994824021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048083574984589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960310830721756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03767326053389596,0.1281777049467843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565168459987215,0.15971754979585245,0.0,0.0,0.0408675549152879,0.03803349055636904,0.0,0.0,0.06909146039358716,0.0,0.02336108743861636,0.08578700141790517,0.12705926491282307,0.037503769751651504,0.03576166834266331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954021901081109,0.0,0.08010946969573893,0.0,0.0,0.047528622402103114,0.0,0.05298600576220097,0.059941364493043735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7727763189078075,0.0,0.0,0.1589745320614934,0.09893827284623967,0.0,0.049147012230082734,0.07289534372232734,0.0,0.047345402166818935,0.04858161720187757,0.0,0.03158264201493964,0.10922439160292127,0.04481492145271004,0.0,0.11871077773117597,0.0,0.050023245822775786,0.04881033707522433,0.0,0.04035590262115945,0.0,0.02984677348754047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138017289846528,0.047523637030073035,0.032869749047686164,0.06630935401837124,0.0,0.043184815708905776,0.047553577451208175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691955606162848,0.0,0.030299192327554007,0.03400681965110944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904231939628583,0.0,0.0,0.042268943897761285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472584741038331,0.0,0.028644771439905688,0.04597317922203618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045252699355219715,0.035631067438212045,0.0,0.04664619007240281,0.05051380711381392,0.0,0.0,0.05026012532511436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005337926158141,0.06329724086716394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674451700576444,0.0,0.0,0.05074063048080912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041166410972919405,0.0,0.0,0.05941165365825118,0.05730152753287453,0.0,0.03549772073084285,0.13036472795684353,0.05139187478910878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178849642677827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03176336313591844,0.0,0.0,0.11517674888713375
suicidewatch,scdthrwwy,2019/01/20,"My life is amazing so why do I still feel this way? Hello Reddit

​

As the title says, my life is pretty amazing objectively. Social life, professional life, financially, ... Everything is what it should be for a guy that's nearly 30.

Yet I still feel every day like I don't want to live. I understand people who deal with difficult times wanting to end it, but why is this happening to me? I thought that if I ""checked all the boxes"", it would be alright. It's not even like I dislike this life. I wouldn't want a different job or different friends. I've just never really had a will to live. In every stage of life I just thought ""it will get better"". But now that I'm graduated, found a job, live by myself etc., I don't have that hope anymore.

​

I'm seeing a therapist and she told me that it isn't that abnormal and that I should just ""try to find joys in life"". 

But I just have no idea what to do. My life is perfect, so I guess it's all in my head. 

These feelings have been with me my entire life, but the last few months it's been going worse and worse to the point where I'm seriously contemplating ending my life. I could ramble on and turn this into a book but I don't think that would help.

What do I do?

​

Whoever, wherever and whenever you are

Thank you sincerely for reading this.",2.61988843314192,4.462815769811325,4.043100902378998,86.59703855619362,76.20754716981132,7.4766201804758,24.35192780968007,8.321376580360154,1.4498498769483184,1029,34,215,19,23,340,135,265,0.075,0.77,0.155,0.9742,4,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,0,2,12,14,0,0,10,1,30,11,1,0,4,45,53,15,0,11,12,0,3,2,1,7,10,1,0,1,26,8,0,0,10,2,1,1,8,2,0,0,7,5,29,12,20,36,4,22,0,0,1,0,12,8,0,4,13,146,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563334506359545,0.2874696074947329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820766103750855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974502193141821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296307682116077,0.0,0.0,0.050858001374453135,0.08130091799511363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647832649680271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969262637062554,0.0,0.08794944358754674,0.05208610733448253,0.0,0.1328854459377284,0.0,0.07087403962094048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962154552589987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207636374367493,0.0,0.0,0.08646562260297437,0.06092683109171049,0.0,0.041200953645593126,0.0,0.044817801377369584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687288234104934,0.07808353012956698,0.0697353980152525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093283310103976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052858014131849186,0.0,0.0,0.0783255046326254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902303532793085,0.0,0.0,0.15651222577515378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428120449390068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5570095883087708,0.07705376057043012,0.0,0.20890375674862424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294508341128567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082148463906081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546714068001779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454793372765127,0.0,0.0,0.08022869509100719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888106967439255,0.0,0.05051956178774805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271242178741268,0.0,0.0,0.06284099409850613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038756278955299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595496307179305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260344342733838,0.0,0.09156222361181474,0.0,0.050530130198499695,0.0,0.1252116323949935,0.045983742218195234,0.0,0.0,0.0753538506257104,0.0,0.053540579578297005,0.08577674013229762,0.0,0.08209575914303596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395405342456892,0.06259518235064622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231727935425015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072960227999505,0.1120393779296284,0.0,0.2874696074947329,0.0
suicidewatch,MinetteV,2019/01/20,"struggling with finding a point idk why i should be alive. like im not even that sad, id just rather not be alive. im not sure what to do with my life and i don't want find out what ill do. i just can't find a purpose, i guess.",-0.9405555555555551,0.29693346296296497,1.0775555555555556,106.57300000000002,84.74074074074073,4.32,16.355555555555554,3.1291,-1.4370177777777775,173,3,51,0,5,57,35,54,0.187,0.625,0.188,0.2663,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,17,9,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310780440682206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6356082859996572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553639916363005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007874752766001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373370839913814,0.11325027637856515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191346414660872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423373292538337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184774477015528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672708467739111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917176658214232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrsf16,2019/01/20,"Today is one of those days, I often contemplate how it would feel.. * To overdose, or slit my wrists in the bathtub, but worse than I did when I was a teenager.  
I contemplate walking into traffic. I wonder how quick and painless jumping off a bridge could be.  
I live, being in debt, living paycheck to paycheck. Being grossly overweight but wanting to change.  
Being on antidepressant/ anti anxiety meds, but having no motivation to take care of myself.    

* I went to the doctor for medication and therapy, but I have bills racking up and can't afford the care I need..   
I'm upsetting my husband often by being sad, and not being the skinny, better partner I used to be.  
.. He says he thinks I'm perfect and beautiful.. but I feel physically revolting.. We haven't had sex in two months.   
I used to starve myself and sleep the hunger pains away, and I now want to, but I eat too much instead.  

*  I feel like a failure as a daughter, sister, employee, friend and wife.. as a person.   
I sometimes feel my life is meaningless. I don't cut anymore but I want to.  
I've been wanting to talk to my parents and sister about how I feel, but I know I can't as they ruined part of my life and can't be trusted.  

* I can't seem to find the strength to get out of bed most days. Smoking weed is nice but I've been abusing it.  
That, taking care of my pets and hoping that one day.. I'll be able to afford a real home, babies, and peace..   


*Knowing one day that I may be able to love myself is what has kept me going. But sometimes, I just want to die.*   


and I don't know how else to explain this, or to who in person.  
But I just found this subreddit to vent to, and today is one of those days..

..where I wonder how the world would go on. ",1.3114987080103369,3.5283309767441864,3.1953875968992267,89.17273901808788,82.25581395348838,5.450129198966407,22.34625322997416,6.691623216298621,0.6215842377260983,1312,44,268,14,36,439,175,344,0.14300000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.163,0.8347,5,0,0,0,0,1,67.0,1,0,1,4,16,17,1,1,13,0,34,13,3,8,1,73,70,36,1,10,16,6,5,1,2,3,6,1,3,3,11,17,4,1,16,0,2,5,9,5,0,5,8,6,39,12,44,48,3,29,0,2,0,2,19,13,0,10,12,193,50,2,0.18978542077329227,0.11243234483734343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259266371301422,0.0,0.09410807027163526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915482508526484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392489096267368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29024832752042945,0.0,0.10038390526469562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757641077536172,0.0,0.0,0.30598973960661685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984836517544829,0.0,0.0,0.09712671002915783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709893271665766,0.07927068316139807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399030278920705,0.06779137126068006,0.0,0.0,0.08673021816699747,0.0,0.0,0.10404495902388428,0.07331387265317711,0.0,0.049577524624835466,0.0,0.10785942823220003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518512559648766,0.094249872662644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645165590919494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405105531386788,0.04635978507897085,0.0,0.1675840035729098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856443759827173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540440920931192,0.09559442249508757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574245610135592,0.0,0.06975706062938057,0.07036174237053072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25720702560255554,0.0,0.10097253428493032,0.0,0.10536712508921643,0.1027595581216164,0.0,0.0,0.1657133090543062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800867907815592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546249201397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638675961504634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496124076722548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770263394542966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269501733447826,0.07627116613680224,0.0,0.0,0.1085180843088434,0.0,0.0,0.06080341721605305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989438786629608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269638959765072,0.0,0.0,0.16391366857754755,0.0,0.0,0.27985089585696643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796649321780474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205814193124603,0.0,0.0,0.09670377879504237,0.13481811770761104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greenbeanz17,2019/01/20,What are the odds of surviving a jump from a 20 after building? 20 story I meant,-1.1419607843137245,0.7679473529411779,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,104.88235294117644,4.619607843137255,17.43137254901961,6.42735559955562,0.23599607843137305,63,2,13,1,3,22,15,17,0.0,0.855,0.145,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Screeboe,2019/01/20,"I'm Trying To Keep Going But it is just so difficult. I thought I was getting better but now I'm just starting to feel worse every day. I just feel so drained and tired and I don't know what to do. People have started to notice my decline and I don't want them to worry. My suicidal thoughts are just getting worse and I don't know how long I'll be able to take it, but I'm going to try to keep pushing on.",-0.28800000000000026,1.6871939777777811,2.0800000000000023,96.18000000000002,87.0,4.488888888888889,21.222222222222214,5.6839178017228535,-0.043644444444444375,318,11,74,2,10,108,50,90,0.303,0.677,0.019,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,0,21,28,10,1,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,2,9,1,9,24,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,45,12,0,0.18821832480623465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646381289118786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138524858650927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858205643903706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033768069983692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966726125727682,0.0,0.21393762296076085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345941903948353,0.0,0.0,0.20687973795813705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656729456824734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428781029455532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304868875234114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664437981045082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588029826773727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151675619475032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988486514105045,0.0,0.2163292763306665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555757751362185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101604453935952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911448451756358,0.3836211058377981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,actual_cannibal_,2019/01/20,"I don't know how to go on from here... Hey, everyone. So I suffer from borderline personality disorder, and one of the many difficulties that come with this is a difficulty in maintaining a long term relationship. I have only been dating my significant other for just over a month, yet he is genuinely the only person I have ever been with to put the effort into trying to understand and adapt to my disorder. I know this is dramatic, but since he has expressed to me that he feels unsure of his ability to provide for me as a boyfriend, I am so terrified that he has the intention of breaking up with me.

​

I have expressed to him that I genuinely want him to be happy and, should our relationship be one that drags him down, I would much rather he finds someone who can build him up, despite my efforts to do so. I don't dare say this to him as the last thing I want is for him to feel held hostage by me, but I genuinely don't think I will feel the need to carry on should things between us not work out.

​

I have struggled in the past with being clingy and dragging my s/o's down, and I feel as though I am mature enough to do a better job, but I don't want him to feel as though he is my only hope despite that being the case. Again, I know that I am being dramatic, but should he feel he would be better off without me-which would be understandable-I would feel no reason to keep going. I recently was let go from my job because I missed work as a result of being sexually assaulted, and I will barely be able to afford going on tour with my band as a result of this because I need to pay rent.

​

I feel like I will have nothing to live for should I be left alone and jobless. I don't know what I can do to rectify this, and I just feel like my best option, should my boyfriend break up with me, is to end my life after I return from tour (I would do so beforehand, but I don't want to let my bandmates down). I'm not entirely sure what I am looking for in posting this except to get it off my chest. I just don't know what to do anymore.",8.999623032311519,5.36467724178404,9.251485777409561,73.36649130074566,62.967136150234744,12.55874067937034,37.500138083402376,10.328600350310266,3.514318862192765,1619,53,344,27,17,544,178,426,0.095,0.805,0.1,0.6323,5,1,0,0,0,1,51.0,2,0,0,7,15,12,1,1,15,0,59,2,1,5,2,74,93,26,0,18,13,0,9,2,0,13,1,1,1,2,21,17,0,2,18,1,2,6,11,4,0,2,4,11,61,8,71,64,4,40,0,2,1,0,28,18,0,2,15,263,82,5,0.07718730140581741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799427657842988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508972264740678,0.2813730593376593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654906214796857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410532502071292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100331074734267,0.1365317910678599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649002553036164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769266692105019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836503864071206,0.07975511581846588,0.0,0.0,0.06982033317796442,0.0,0.07375577428239125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512539692872218,0.11028524709413606,0.0,0.0,0.07054779511904867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04032717919615913,0.0,0.17546928868393985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216731763853015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666440656009735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531929728985641,0.06860762003176146,0.0,0.0,0.2121006111515756,0.06291795269762533,0.0,0.0,0.08386422882441645,0.15785849057423526,0.05451967368262419,0.07541963317138027,0.0,0.06815780127825348,0.06830833280142448,0.06481789306227344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825580859949148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616101675723132,0.0,0.0567415478180039,0.11446681191133762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740632974519127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460822611128673,0.176113262736409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736840131170569,0.0,0.13479394866910793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392409820595239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775945571885482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936140137207585,0.07621314819281935,0.16574055033738122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061382440149334014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638501333544562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540054999888853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069292658925213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274811810079265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255962654614947,0.049458506054218636,0.15167226345976142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052405110947016734,0.0,0.0,0.08035470291984476,0.09284681976944482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182108280892687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440580411993399,0.0,0.11238654943951593,0.0,0.0,0.2741582215341267,0.0,0.2813730593376593,0.0
suicidewatch,awhite025600,2019/01/20,What do you do when your just too tired of it all. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression and may be showing signs of manifesting bipolar disorder after a suicide attempt. I've had many more thoughts since then and have even picked up SH again to deal with the grief and anger. I just want to be done. ,5.381,6.3340997666666645,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,68.0,9.333333333333334,31.66666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.682166666666668,246,10,50,5,4,76,49,60,0.292,0.69,0.018000000000000002,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,2,0,1,6,3,1,0,2,0,9,4,0,1,1,13,11,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,3,0,8,4,2,5,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,36,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131350812196197,0.2616045331034241,0.3082823012867708,0.0,0.0,0.3481039932336689,0.0,0.0,0.3108240101864508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006125865833064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079372893727172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512508316396788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322342806326893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411298398992492,0.0,0.3490960626453107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914941840746573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,horroresque,2019/01/20,"I'm terrified but I have to do it I don't post to reddit much but I really don't know where else to put this. I can't talk about it to anyone. I go to say something and the words just get stuck and don't come out. Texting doesn't work either, I just can't make my fingers move. 
I'm a disappointment to everyone I know. I upset my family with everything I do because I have mental health problems. They don't believe in anxiety disorders or depressive disorders so they think I make it up. I just want to be out of their hair for good.
I think I am going to start starving myself. 
I'm terrified to do this and I hope I don't change my mind. It'll be over soon enough.",0.17645833333333272,2.26701261805556,2.7519444444444474,91.36250000000004,86.01388888888891,6.6555555555555586,20.11111111111111,7.8658589789855275,0.8467444444444441,523,16,119,11,16,181,81,144,0.203,0.721,0.076,-0.9642,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,7,6,0,1,2,0,17,3,2,2,0,25,34,7,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,5,8,4,0,0,1,3,23,2,18,30,3,14,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,2,2,80,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086248069653333,0.0,0.0,0.11961100208752402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042782209581918,0.0,0.0,0.19272905958901074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096163156207185,0.14735535044897374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733603417740182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921052990629129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290091745386274,0.0,0.0,0.17675347464202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634577198658816,0.15374010508986996,0.0,0.16126266893267496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937318907111977,0.0,0.19443772446174806,0.1434792585619728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183162780390708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990383753826638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802314865955466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22837133220565786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239094537637925,0.0,0.17272454061634301,0.0,0.0,0.18181255512168693,0.12575075129007385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383075973986946,0.0,0.0,0.1636838806339994,0.0,0.17196523954153556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958713204274242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603590775413366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131692407137929,0.0,0.0,0.12107904417047785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749370109544548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192201141199483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089719975497838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453566716445738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jellelliott,2019/01/20,"If you were me, you’d definitely kill yourself Here’s why: Imagine you’ve been born into a low density populated rural as fuck area in the US where nobody has heard of. You treasure people’s company, a LOT. Not a good mix for sure. You’re constantly told by your parents, the only people you’ve ever lived with for your entire life, that you will be successful and people will admire you, etc. Well, the time has come and you’re an adult, 18, still living with them and you haven’t done jack shit with your life because you can’t. Nobody admires you, in fact, most of your friends are only friends with you out of pity and maybe because you let them play games that they don’t have. 

You’re now just figuring out how much of a failure you are. Never had a real girlfriend, virgin, constantly rejected by new girls you approach for seemingly no reason. You don’t think it’s your looks, you’re not only above average height, 6’ 3”, but you’ve been told you’re decent looking many times. You’ve consulted every fucking source of advice you could possibly think of to no avail. They all tell you the same things, or they contradict them self. You get some hobbies to distract you, but it in fact makes you less attractive as you chose the wrong hobby, Music. Now you have the label “nerd” attached to you no matter who you approach. Working on music was supposed to be a ticket to attraction, right? Not only have you wasted your time and effort for something you’re not even that good at, but it was COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. 

In the turmoil, you realize that you’re completely alone, nobody will ever love you. You’ve tried time and time again, no success. Slowly your life deteriorated as you cannot find success in anything you do. You lose interest in things you used to like doing, and people around you say that it can’t possibly be anybody or anything’s fault but your own. You have nothing you can succeed at. Everything you try to do either blows up in your face or works against you. Nobody admires your failures, it’s only natural, right? There’s nothing left for you to live for. All the people that “care” about you only do so cause they’re forced to care (your parents), or they “care” out of fear of being rude if they don’t. You conclude that if nobody cares and trust me, nobody will, dying would just be a good fit so you don’t have to live the fucking tragedies that is this world. This world is based on who is lucky and succeeds in life. Your dice roll was unfavorable in this life. That is why you definitely would want to end yourself if you were me. ",5.55883064516129,6.307633834677421,5.585645161290324,82.62346774193551,67.50806451612904,8.296774193548387,28.60483870967742,8.278499904357787,1.8528500000000008,2026,65,391,26,32,636,229,496,0.14800000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.163,0.8978,2,2,1,0,0,0,60.0,1,52,8,10,18,44,6,3,17,0,49,12,2,6,8,70,70,27,2,8,19,2,0,1,3,6,5,2,0,3,21,19,0,0,9,3,0,3,17,16,1,0,12,4,64,28,55,44,11,49,0,4,2,5,79,29,4,13,18,262,85,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156393261479327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584888403406292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053155216868608,0.06519425602939029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928617635950936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986699261392817,0.07523203304412983,0.0,0.0630850607481083,0.07678500865954711,0.1582810142070602,0.0,0.05847181100084555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600587722603105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494434804024458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486405413886796,0.0,0.08167585675152769,0.048370714672699364,0.13248964562282334,0.0617032479345304,0.0,0.06581847105968147,0.0,0.0,0.08240920376330338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693503131079452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316162844435973,0.20311242155589013,0.03826201793572556,0.0,0.0,0.18427694104551529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102315399742249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956952832821075,0.07488726608273681,0.2586385626115341,0.03577869088081466,0.0,0.25866971773880304,0.0,0.12299711689930724,0.08193070352154884,0.0,0.06226137632494825,0.06609702026759125,0.0,0.04888461573137497,0.0742483161949901,0.07357392618757272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053835804129837864,0.0,0.05648298231529199,0.07073036293994629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054100842014566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341889490838188,0.0,0.0,0.16263655196612462,0.0,0.0,0.2538580011464734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512185196268164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335692528771839,0.0,0.07529729138585246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508377254797245,0.0,0.0582390356267742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666996327090394,0.07639958396085902,0.0,0.07517418999295918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056379517126781874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058485188202216175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902267540269509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401020491159856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730753175922187,0.09385145618620112,0.0,0.0,0.21351820938889315,0.0,0.0,0.1399574587019446,0.0,0.0994428737613969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880921193623165,0.06325111806694518,0.0,0.0,0.04319562171623309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584663526792521,0.0,0.13216554019735466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663121636830533,0.0,0.0,0.1040474141624511,0.08007045919013027,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AuntKittysPussPuss,2019/01/20,"I dont think anyone cares I'm not there yet, but I'm close. I'm thinking about the gas oven in the kitchen. I'm in a really emotionally abusive relationship and I'm in therapy to deal with my childhood trauma. All of my friends are ducking me. I am alone and I feel worthless. My boyfriend told me that sometimes I need to kick myself in the face like this. Sometimes I need to be cruel to myself. I feel like a child. I feel like I'll never learn how to live and everyone would be better off without me. I should just die. I lie on the couch saying it over and over. I should just die. No one will miss me.",0.5463504464285691,2.690974148437501,2.3569642857142874,94.44875000000002,84.859375,5.2196428571428575,20.861607142857142,6.5431188927421005,0.19595133928571412,473,15,107,5,14,156,78,128,0.257,0.625,0.118,-0.9714,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,6,0,9,2,1,1,2,25,24,6,2,5,5,0,3,3,1,4,0,1,3,1,3,6,1,0,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,4,19,6,17,17,1,12,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,6,69,22,1,0.0,0.19682863281352767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205336502908394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615708920225325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692232534245667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693735065441897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126555549819986,0.0,0.0,0.3448189674841699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946949607678265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686605575449794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587376797776911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519903950565204,0.2373566599735644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834624539287415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434779723172343,0.0,0.1466896841491355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24635625225472185,0.12812432638903345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256926837340614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642267057334236,0.0,0.0,0.17835397066609532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210770577897007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32859986037315064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899761692327386,0.0,0.0,0.2128898672057441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587376797776911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013667842154966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180090383477825,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,masterflasher88,2019/01/20,"Questions from next of kin - please help Soo stupid question here.. I've read a lot of articles and saw a lot of youtube videos about next of kin saying '..left us with so many unanswered questions'
So i was typing a note and wanted to answer the most frequent questions next of kin could have after a suicide. Could anyone point me to a list of WHY-questions? ",9.387826086956524,7.0287031449275394,7.916231884057975,79.2726086956522,61.02898550724638,9.779710144927538,37.492753623188406,6.42735559955562,2.5716144927536218,283,10,54,1,3,85,47,69,0.113,0.815,0.07200000000000001,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,6,4,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,12,2,3,7,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,7,5,33,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035818243567396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655294094445584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929405714152027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095282165391847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518839663902841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501891018549502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726406557466949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261149485133267,0.14003868501135294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6637957127512513,0.0,0.14817850364367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780561367496516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620393824836661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819227378543714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737587546887662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herocheese,2019/01/20,"Least painful, but highest success rate for suicide? Exactly as the title says. I'm just asking for something I'm writing.",3.4316666666666684,6.623896409090911,3.897272727272728,80.18257575757578,84.9090909090909,4.751515151515153,39.15151515151515,6.42735559955562,3.2765878787878786,99,7,14,1,3,31,19,22,0.208,0.5670000000000001,0.225,-0.1273,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442794228421593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056822374510247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779249681658197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365858173749494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198286105084177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacc4000,2019/01/20,"I'm sitting in my church bathroom and I want to die I think the title's pretty self explanatory. I've been thinking like this for so long and I'm just hoping it'll get better but it never does and fuck man I'm just so depressed and I feel so hopeless. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I just don't know what else to do.",-1.6450122850122852,0.3011078648648677,1.066068796068798,99.40141277641277,98.72972972972971,3.231449631449632,16.186732186732186,4.851557810540192,-1.0015513513513512,258,7,62,1,11,88,48,74,0.17600000000000002,0.66,0.163,-0.7172,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,16,18,8,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,6,3,4,16,0,5,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,3,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434868784721373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218483833806535,0.0,0.2632672833062957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219865326607752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190702243416187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754528870964938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826213749171814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345119324117588,0.13253103422251286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25194951127235315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27881854288308483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392934720608426,0.0,0.0,0.22448815346476336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564436132962149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429437759964771,0.25807150063069256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646309949859769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250803596543298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961992933967946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288958695325063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a-very-funny-guy,2019/01/20,"Car crash last week, evicted tomorrow, exam in a few days. I'm very worried about myself, I can't function, I have a uni exam in a few days and I'm so stressed I can't even study, I can't eat, these are the darkest days of my life. 

I had psychosis this morning, talking to people who weren't there, having phone calls I never had. I had dark thoughts earlier, now that I'm lucid I won't do anything but I'm worried.
",2.0207383627608344,3.2113410898876427,3.820256821829858,90.31876404494385,76.30337078651688,5.984590690208668,27.32102728731942,6.18269132825596,0.971502728731942,323,13,71,2,7,109,59,89,0.147,0.853,0.0,-0.8399,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,12,2,0,0,1,4,17,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,0,10,0,5,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,44,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828832487838569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460455821468823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661949198902658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24656071375393301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915082504200465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641334807766064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019612344299784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858420595423885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705029313440478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760171620756418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936733250859782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129414368163772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988160081163365,0.0,0.0,0.19328238441862008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894101319106333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peonies1234,2019/01/20,Everything is so overwhelming The last year and a half has been hell for me. My inner dialog keeps going in the direction that this is all happening to me to keep pushing me closer to the edge. ,3.9912280701754383,5.692227947368423,5.4973684210526335,78.20991228070176,72.15789473684211,10.329824561403509,25.824561403508767,10.504223727775694,2.9999719298245617,154,5,29,5,3,52,31,38,0.113,0.887,0.0,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,5,7,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623455760552785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291323049239019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565242379357053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7167167419951859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32863951591363405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596299644525864
suicidewatch,imveagan,2019/01/20,I got everything planned. Well almost. The only thing left is if i should write a suicide note. I don't have any close family that i care about. Most of Them have abused me mentally and i've never really been loved by them. I have some friends but i don't know if it's neccesary to say anything. I know when i'm going to commit suicide and how. There is no talking med out of it.,0.055875000000000334,2.3297328375000035,1.9850000000000032,95.08,89.375,5.2,19.25,6.742157984588678,0.1914749999999996,297,9,66,4,10,98,59,80,0.195,0.7020000000000001,0.103,-0.8633,0,0,0,0,1,3,8.0,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,2,17,16,7,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,1,10,4,7,13,2,6,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,5,2,45,14,0,0.0,0.25151217654152125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256360557444004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435486063271066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468494156996492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642938159183794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907798508260133,0.0,0.2001147840037978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640037989811987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206412602816868,0.0,0.16977639299246386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333225168028764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230638337541865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158724691828266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357906207120389,0.0,0.2139241340015716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637202257486153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144535322539202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598934833135226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881028000562348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643906631559608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061929136299211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102664566940906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086148692847613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_away_yawa,2019/01/20,"What are the chances of me surviving after I jump off a 10 storey building? What are the chances of me surviving after I jump off a 10 storey building? Is it not enough?

​

Even though I have been suicidal my whole life, I might be soon in a situation where I have no other option, so I am planning ahead. ",3.4580645161290358,5.142856419354839,4.281483870967743,86.45222580645166,73.51612903225806,7.540645161290323,28.529032258064518,8.238735603445708,1.9015058064516133,246,10,50,4,5,79,41,62,0.108,0.755,0.13699999999999998,-0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,3,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,9,0,8,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313736837710216,0.35184563454140183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991916432844714,0.0,0.1912508558272027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452394298524446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30717612711215725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32547622208308064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167303287809971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28449004982006804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232820583118348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35184563454140183,0.0
suicidewatch,TacoTownBurritos,2019/01/20,"Time to die I burned through all of my money and now it's time to die. Before I go, here are answers/rants to some popular arguments

* People don't really care. Like misery loves company, the only benefit in my company was in commiseration. 
* ""Life is a struggle. Life sucks. Life can be hard. It's only a bad day, week, month, year, decade etc. But you have to stick through it.""  Results have not changed for 5+ years. It would be insane to think that something would change now.  
* ""Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"" I'm tired of banging my head on a wall and having it not work. And I don't have any money anymore to fund it anymore.
* I opened up to my family. My mom turned it around and started complaining about her life. My brother didn't care. My dad said he was disappointed. 
* I tried therapy. I felt like I wasted 2 years of money on ""help"" that could be found in /r/GetMotivated 
* ""life is about the journey, not the destination."" So why is everyone focusing on the destination of long life? Why struggle for 30+ years to have maybe one day worth living? 

It's just not worth starting over from scratch again. Goodbye.",1.0810772150051091,3.701376357466067,2.7812728068895085,87.81984673770252,90.8552036199095,6.290526930375128,22.966136330462714,7.601502580125103,1.4304583564443147,889,35,176,19,31,292,131,221,0.226,0.7,0.07400000000000001,-0.9882,0,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,0,1,9,14,1,2,9,0,22,9,1,1,1,22,35,6,3,4,6,3,3,2,0,2,7,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,0,6,2,7,7,0,1,6,4,16,7,29,23,3,29,0,1,0,1,10,11,1,1,18,105,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352573124742129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445321025625416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962502773644266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027620399530578,0.0,0.0,0.09200268670441973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047236200041284,0.0,0.22875456568109265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863255196024414,0.0,0.0,0.13945771446530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442427323763295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058307502991895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331388867456053,0.0,0.0,0.10192650086605337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381275364838193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854868243099875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144744168601635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685484114448513,0.0,0.11096295198834476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247097450535535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582127611476864,0.10564455001870196,0.0,0.09547249096191032,0.09568334898866436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758308355953613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862169819303252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662956689585134,0.08630084973979636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326533232181763,0.16446121177169915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495722632531282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345683419245376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926483967424693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284747183713194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323653787350299,0.0,0.0,0.1530566668923903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22606230130667385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236453551949234,0.0,0.0,0.06927932949265429,0.0,0.0,0.1260920094971065,0.12426875094096795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340680578619703,0.11760419019477755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672784202722701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951240903229252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871310124720783,0.0,0.0,0.15361157687991098,0.0,0.0,0.2785045453270541
suicidewatch,makelovetogod,2019/01/20,"Anyone who just hasn't put the thought into action due to the fear of immense physical pain while you were thinking of it long enough to make up your mind that its your only destiny. I hate this human survival instinct or I just a coward.I don't care what's behind the death which is just a last place we all go there. Is die by nature painful?if not,how many of people got blessed to die naturally.every nights I pray for die in the sleep.if dying is generally painful why I fear the pain .",5.6247278911564615,5.967132357142859,5.5902040816326535,84.07503401360547,67.26530612244898,7.757823129251701,29.59863945578231,7.1686216300943375,1.5327700680272107,393,13,79,3,6,123,75,98,0.321,0.627,0.053,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,3,0,1,4,8,1,2,7,0,6,3,0,1,1,12,13,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,3,0,8,2,12,10,2,12,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032879783055244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462936133526504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5956635572474043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825946872538842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089320424885848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229234452330181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154644141297651,0.0,0.11475891956151946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141662790186736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169602995934623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698065856624846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577806731520236,0.14547235608113826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488002954102527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346519586539419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912762356304896,0.4580378917080721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099475175813664,0.0,0.14991240589213026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424313358080976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358969602652338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194008128883073,0.0,0.11391191369861838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947386224054785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drilled-swiss,2019/01/20,"Not going to do it. I just want to vent and this seems like the most reasonable place to do so. I lost three members of my immediate family to heroin. Several years ago I was diagnosed with a psychotic condition. I was taken to the hospital in handcuffs after being held at gun point by the police. They had shotguns and AR-15s. I was hearing voices, seeing things that weren’t there and thinking secret cults were out to get me. I’m lucky the police did not kill me. My father did something extremely horrible to me that I have never told anyone. My mom allowed it to happen and it tortures my mind every single day.  This is the first time I have ever brought it up. I have been through 4 psychiatrists, three therapists, and countless medications. The disease always persists. The medications work for months, then the disease finds a way around them. I have had two attempts which one was very close to successful. It wasn’t a cry for help. It was a serious attempt to die. I haven’t had an attempt in several years. I don’t want to die. I want to find hope, I want to find purpose, I want to be free from the grips of hell. ",3.1430821917808203,5.3387489132420125,4.3599520547945225,83.30705136986303,75.84931506849315,7.485022831050228,26.47511415525114,8.395991825355821,1.9630089497716896,888,34,168,17,20,291,130,219,0.14,0.7390000000000001,0.122,-0.8475,2,0,1,2,0,2,27.0,0,0,2,8,5,10,3,0,14,0,25,3,0,2,2,32,44,7,3,6,3,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,12,9,0,1,7,0,1,2,7,5,0,5,19,4,23,6,29,23,2,23,1,1,1,0,8,9,1,4,12,123,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251675141983923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105616833914763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875316841204839,0.0,0.0,0.11299557976693272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942784055226748,0.08186005137063078,0.0,0.0,0.12883238300429528,0.2634688601700731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481643653942007,0.10694491660004396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196593337115012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34803814616450457,0.10796751908159856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631625488219445,0.0,0.07213786275355086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122447424123012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306056187133526,0.0,0.08507923306550165,0.0,0.0,0.12607121120725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043044308009187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062012118330746324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385602773360502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573943578153985,0.0,0.0,0.12816421545401427,0.14866015682070818,0.10131518389090233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978970805465531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601179060685503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261597163429628,0.0,0.11999090643749327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050629937687228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011476437544245,0.11555329582164045,0.0,0.2867920011370925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771775326109218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737677702445753,0.08432737511312105,0.0813323162929409,0.0,0.0,0.07401453848884718,0.0,0.0,0.12128809462603107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239932297091246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473144135636177,0.3743362235024584,0.1007519899386333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240734420957386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347891885965346
suicidewatch,mollie01,2019/01/20,"just wish i had the energy to actually kill myself i want to die, so bad, but i just don’t have the energy to do it, this sucks. ",-0.8425287356321824,0.8055307241379309,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,86.58620689655174,8.004597701149425,13.114942528735632,8.841846274778883,0.3712666666666665,97,1,25,3,3,37,21,29,0.329,0.471,0.2,-0.7689,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.4116083580317401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521788816376374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377537272462129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666505926921686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487839769385937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850402317000017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CloPRelf,2019/01/20,"No one is taking me seriously I feel like I need to self harm or something to get help, I’m trying but no one can see that I’m so close to actually doing something ",-0.05249999999999844,1.98118652777778,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,86.5,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.5117444444444446,129,4,29,2,4,47,27,36,0.213,0.691,0.096,-0.5267,0,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,3,1,3,10,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.3057622476790193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842769777075807,0.22384108637395125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370058261664322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100166851421409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307589245002726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232328223466971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42463737613817937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24968129220074034,0.0,0.32686870899154025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824293280507654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558313621858865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272866997187667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trasyh,2019/01/20,"I had a dream Last night I had a dream where I found out I had a terminal illness and had less than a year to live. It wasn’t my first dream of this kind, but it’s increasingly  shows how okay I am with the concept of death. I used to wake up in fear and sadness, but now I when I think of inevitable death I feel like a big weight has lifted off my shoulder. Like - oh thank god it’s finally happening. You can’t worry about the future when you have none. And knowing whatever I do today won’t have a consequence for tomorrow. 

To be honest I don’t have anyone I’ll be sad to leave behind, not even my loving family and great friends. I know they’ll get by fine without me, maybe they’ll shed tears for a week or two but they’ll eventually get on with their lives. Death has that effect on people. Besides, you can’t feel guilt when you’re dead - not like I’m feeling anything now anyway. 

I don’t like living. I have nothing to live for. The cons outweigh the pros in any situation, and the struggle is just not worth it. Why is it so hard to die? Why do I have to plan and find workarounds if I don’t want to suffer to death. Why do people insist of not letting painless means of offing yourself be available to someone who has decided they don’t want to live? The worlds already overpopulated and now the people who willingly decide they don’t need a space in this world can’t leave - not painlessly. Even animals are allowed more humane ways of dying. So now I’m just stuck here not being able to do anything and not getting anywhere. ",3.5610869565217413,4.708725047770702,4.540717252838551,86.82390335087238,72.40764331210191,7.3716975906950974,26.07255607864857,7.7425588080867325,1.2977708667959016,1211,39,254,15,23,394,168,314,0.232,0.637,0.131,-0.9915,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,6,3,18,18,0,3,15,1,39,5,2,4,0,44,60,19,7,4,15,0,5,4,1,5,1,0,0,1,10,11,1,0,12,4,1,1,19,6,0,2,7,5,29,12,37,43,4,31,0,3,0,1,14,13,0,2,20,169,39,0,0.1060110593651403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169858401414181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209115564242008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412539758800943,0.0,0.1744761382597156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004548526647455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400386097931248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993779202678288,0.11929191461465882,0.16080713067284574,0.07573432199246746,0.0,0.1161299337548668,0.09689218770746612,0.09017295294021356,0.0,0.11623565480196026,0.08190388149370458,0.0,0.1661592092195027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687756720198335,0.0,0.0,0.09374522968969357,0.0,0.09496508649703278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039420490745837,0.11652181159673285,0.08641316249020138,0.0,0.22450081015817372,0.0,0.10840349066987487,0.0,0.20716659512145386,0.0,0.4680485381603066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567912002513447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650235798712343,0.11547712185562625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860585725799578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994841978280753,0.0,0.10172047059493404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204841615797636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191608724156882,0.0,0.0,0.08982282658119284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082577671714527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760074042840987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792760630221696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048608873033753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355740099034642,0.0,0.0,0.09155951800475537,0.0,0.0,0.1250561389307962,0.08414664451540288,0.08503567733418943,0.1290929107610679,0.0,0.0,0.28697547633466725,0.0,0.0,0.10219087821451983,0.0,0.0,0.10765937668457913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826764652204076
suicidewatch,billynofun,2019/01/20,"Everyone I've ever talked to has told me I am worthless, stupid, need professional therapy, or should kill myself. The last option seems great at this point. I have every disorder in the book. OCD, ADHD, BPD, Bipolar, severe anger explosions, and extreme bouts of self-harm.

I am not worth listening to. I am not worth being around. I am not worth looking at. I should have been allowed to die during birth (was almost stillborn). If time travel existed I would murder my mother on the operating table.

I am a failed experiment. I have nothing to offer anyone but misery. I've never felt happiness once in my life, even as a kid. I dont smile. I dont find things funny. I sent find things entertaining. I just shouldn't exist anymore.",2.5075000000000003,5.268165891304347,4.1056340579710175,80.98932065217392,82.1159420289855,6.63840579710145,22.393115942028984,7.8658589789855275,1.5256507246376816,575,19,100,11,16,191,98,138,0.271,0.685,0.044,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,4,0,5,0,18,2,0,1,2,23,25,5,3,6,7,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,3,3,2,7,6,0,0,5,3,17,3,12,15,0,14,0,2,1,0,7,7,0,5,5,66,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887947500175264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737611767489595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586353964138147,0.10989207641820592,0.0,0.0,0.13990845745380265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794139148688988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311045923007772,0.0,0.18012250017383438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683879073395816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380472894336787,0.1421629992934788,0.13241666926175089,0.15017605344952414,0.0,0.1537356447960977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509011986737901,0.0,0.2872884070060865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732728452658174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673030160085233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738776570854796,0.0,0.0,0.1281088825815371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100892789308177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197740065389665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653442887045737,0.12121385240688085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508022093863624,0.0,0.0,0.16737354586272962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485699056793197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307536104912102,0.16395536344885006,0.17754954030919531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632172663135513,0.0,0.0,0.17972967341331378,0.0,0.20882432742130289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164305303347893,0.0,0.0,0.15017605344952414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164413940825528,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigsmellyarse,2019/01/20,"I just want to say. Visited my uncle on December 21st as his phone wasn't on for a day or two, well turns out he hung himself, whatever about coming across the scene what really gets me is what it does to a family, life just seems bleak at the moment, please if you do have those thoughts get help! I've never seen my parents so down and it kills me, don't do this to your loved ones, it has more of an impact than you'll ever know
Seek help, don't hurt your family. ",4.09,3.9654811818181814,5.028838383838384,88.39659090909092,70.51515151515152,9.024242424242424,22.560606060606066,8.841846274778883,1.0350121212121213,363,6,85,6,6,119,78,99,0.033,0.794,0.173,0.9112,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,0,6,4,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,2,13,19,5,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,1,2,3,2,11,2,14,15,1,12,0,1,1,1,14,6,0,3,4,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176837199275087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608544682768586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465824492713628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087266386978352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39784714577091135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049038637227028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282874130998396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258929815120815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334537943085211,0.0,0.11596681601538768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904419494231352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904467971519261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627456583063341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298736393638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343041357718227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316280884306134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517985279850178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780541330657275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209763041929226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752015889338373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22952073799324624,0.2061283102813681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446049418775974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972535734952312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awaythrownaway123,2019/01/20,"I've never been hugged for real People say you gotta love yourself first but that's just not true.
I'm so tired. I always wanted to offer that to others because I know how important this is but why do people always stop caring?

I have an exam tomorrow, 180€ in debt and no real support system. I don't want to die but there's just nothing, only moodswings are keeping me going, if only these happy feelings were based on reality
",2.522672413793103,4.592423609195407,4.5202155172413825,82.02446120689656,77.27586206896551,5.729310344827588,22.36925287356322,6.6274283507984215,0.8085873563218393,342,10,61,3,8,117,70,87,0.184,0.606,0.211,0.7022,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,2,19,18,7,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,6,6,6,15,0,8,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,4,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32218533322614323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180181972579212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197390501504886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092867623998595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789116662832106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646780623104937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002867861117477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609330447738047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720826665764719,0.0,0.0,0.1063987899086591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473368205828865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931806961384889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857666789063858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29448662657912805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684389891144911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407237246585035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396036150179934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186023580228334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969765555986176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222517424379728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22838336738078924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746960103981412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,golden8385,2019/01/20,Idk tbh... Im so tired of living in general i honestly hate myself every day i see people happy with someone they lovw and it hurts cuz i most likely wont ever have that.....,-0.4291666666666672,1.8126344166666684,2.951333333333338,86.72700000000002,93.72222222222223,5.102222222222223,15.533333333333335,6.742157984588678,0.12300666666666647,133,3,26,2,5,48,33,36,0.274,0.573,0.154,-0.6418,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,3,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866934867919056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27865248412409394,0.25954878563762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32792921677171283,0.0,0.3041395535130143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32977818388641605,0.0,0.3327511879439916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049962652975227,0.0,0.2720173303987574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135658595861054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454791582544236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610131589292369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540627623975613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morepastaplz,2019/01/20,"Ive been telling myself im ready to go for about 6 years now. At yet im still here. I dont want to be here anymore. I guess i always found a reason. I dont have one anymore. 

Id need like $10,000 to erase all the problems in my life and thatd still leave me with all my debt and a 400 credit score. I mean it wouldnt erase everything. I just have this dumb ass ""fresh start"" mentality....but really nothing will probably help and fresh starts dont fucking matter.

Im disabled. My living situation is abusive and shitty. I no longer have a car because the transmission blew so ive been borrowing my abusive familys car which makes the situation worse. My income (social security) is the saddest thing you could ever see.

Apparently having a disability thats out of your control means you will be punished for entire life and will live in poverty. 

I have schizoaffectice disorder. I have failed literally everything ive tried to do. Work. School. Socializing. Money. Thats why my family hates me. Im the fuck up. 
I also have no friends because they all abondoned me. 

Im literally a grown ass adult. I have watched everyone i knew grow up. Go to school. Get a job. Buy a house/car. And then just go be a person. I will never have that opportunity. 

I have a kid. Im a good mom. Its the only thing im good at. But if i cant support him with out help , am i really a good parent? Will i get in the way of his life being sick?
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suicidewatch,MsTowler,2019/01/20,"I never thought I would live this long... Sorry for the wall of text, spelling and etc..

My story started back when I was 13, I’m 21(F) now and this depression seems endless. Sure I can start a new medication regime again and feel nothing for few months, but it’s worse that way. Feeling nothing but numb and medicated is sometimes more devastating than the sadness. Birthdays, holidays, they just feel... false when you’re not really feeling anything.

I won’t discuss the start of my depression but it finally came to a head when I was assaulted at 13. It was followed by 2 years of silence, multiple suicide attempts, 3 hospitalizations(13-16) and a stint in a clinic (14). All by the age of 16. Worked my ass off so I wouldn’t fall a year behind and graduate with a different class but it was just a distraction. Not an much of an academic but still managed to pass so I played in 4 First team sports to fill the void on top of that. Which fell apart again when I tore my ACL in a netball match at the beginning of my final year. So I started theatre, which I hated but it was at least a distraction.


From there I just put every waking moment into everyone else because as cliche as it is. It is easier to deal with someone else’s problems than your own. I think that’s why I majored in Psychology. Now I’m aware of MY depression because of my 8 (going on 9) years of experience. I know I get seasonally depressed, due to stresses in my life but it always comes back to this point. Where I sit and just try to remember happy moments and force some positive thinking. The last time I tried to commit suicide I was 17, I woke up in a ICU bed to my parents crying. They didn’t know if I was going to, they didn’t know if i had possibly had toxicity trauma due to the amount and variety of pills I took. I couldn’t have my stomach pumped because it was too late for that. My father said something to me that has kept me in check for the past years. When I woke up and was able to stay awake for longer periods he said to me (16),

“I won’t keep you on life support if you do this again. I’m done.” 

I know he meant that he was at his wits end and I was doing nothing but fight, angry that I was alive, angry that I even managed to fuck up killing myself again. I know he was just trying to help, be a good parent, goes for my mom too so I made a promise to him that I wouldn’t do it again. That’s when I switched to having purpose for others. The mentality of ‘if I do this I will make others sad, make their lives difficult and put them through trauma. So I must keep it together. For them.’

I’ve sat on my bed multiple times counting out my medication, reading the pill inserts on advice on overdosages. Grouping round pills and capsule pills into neat piles, until I’m ready to talk myself down and through them back into a drawer. I just hate myself, I hate that my life is good, great actually, love and support, good friends, great parents and a loving SO. I just can’t understand why I’m so unhappy when my life is good, great. So I start to invalidate my feelings, inducing the spiral of; 

‘so many others have it so much worse, I should be grateful and enjoy the easy life given to me.’

Ive considered writing letters to my loved ones if I do take the plunge. But also, I don’t want to comfort them in death. I just want it to be over, for me. No one else. The classic ‘disappear and everyone lives on happily’.

I hate my old hobbies, it’s hard to find new ones in a small town. I have no desire for anything permanent, I never thought I would live this long. So I’m kind of winging how to be fore-thinking. The best part about it all is that no one is aware. My parents think it’s exam stress. My friends and SO have no idea. They know my past everyone assumes I have it under control. Whenever I think of the future my brain takes me back to ‘don’t worry I won’t live that long anyway.’

I have so much more to talk about but I’m going to end it there so the wall of text isn’t too long. But I am probably going to sit on my bed again tonight and start counting and talk myself down. Like most nights.",2.299992453449267,4.0967921712574835,3.8082044130916266,88.13261340333034,76.98802395209582,6.826839471741447,25.21081125420392,7.7129715018208636,1.2695290788286444,3193,115,675,47,73,1057,350,835,0.16399999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.16,-0.8634,6,0,1,0,1,4,102.0,0,3,8,7,53,47,8,4,35,0,60,23,5,6,7,108,129,63,4,16,26,6,7,1,2,10,14,2,3,0,42,29,0,4,25,5,1,15,20,23,0,5,31,9,101,24,104,83,17,124,0,6,1,5,41,41,2,9,65,457,143,9,0.05178717019274536,0.0,0.050536807719008814,0.0,0.0,0.05060582335016667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141418129294922,0.04309107418407168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523285703151885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928454898791222,0.0,0.09470693483508634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434744010278758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781160898058381,0.0,0.059230726440944126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044610061571621513,0.0,0.0,0.0580837149236258,0.0,0.0,0.05688577471855905,0.0,0.05339029850170817,0.17841685521011094,0.0,0.0,0.054106570514110365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299625522862948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297846065345044,0.0,0.09173612308859226,0.0,0.05775638408511554,0.03420493749587394,0.0,0.04363292444972353,0.1484545812287732,0.0,0.05065778962736135,0.0,0.0,0.13092574639906115,0.0,0.0,0.11346062721854346,0.0473325353524764,0.04405014051046105,0.0,0.0,0.08002127845457008,0.04787640435585012,0.027056658989083836,0.0,0.11772736902537045,0.17374648532810807,0.0,0.171286613886819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055128405648694236,0.046391132455825664,0.2045164361375012,0.05314857721671906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034711848553500374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846141159158873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920616326881006,0.0572948309106665,0.053928368531286255,0.1707652463185729,0.04221345564861855,0.05841818366777659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289404917854826,0.025300595485168283,0.0,0.22864510032567384,0.1833200638934864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021982901521002,0.0490022725977664,0.06913667647524895,0.052504062257672526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565103770476866,0.052189287081865016,0.0,0.0,0.06065250782793492,0.04133602516942607,0.0,0.11420858639952275,0.0,0.07988291646083713,0.10003274335687334,0.0,0.0485987510667724,0.0,0.14907355952292894,0.0,0.05434192357758977,0.0,0.14036930714041265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300140956025821,0.056080458695848864,0.09887342757885076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895561492484102,0.05838225322701528,0.0,0.0,0.055835328458512745,0.04955332786435319,0.0,0.1041208195121899,0.0,0.0,0.05180118453647693,0.0,0.03317618731175298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586647685228897,0.0,0.0985229159918943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714509475338746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043879101248593864,0.03986829370659595,0.05121883551513818,0.05797149715270705,0.21993135365716399,0.05519823292321807,0.04135730101214132,0.0,0.11864405697041196,0.0,0.0,0.11329351758603386,0.11753493405799074,0.04880879503067778,0.0,0.07787501398418592,0.12487369721336095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591563792614386,0.0,0.08222645689999031,0.0603950308015612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057537451581249136,0.10548026748522853,0.0,0.0,0.053912270543297725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061090829477988974,0.04110624520464478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345973223981413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377016766825388,0.05259238513979548,0.10555110145626563,0.07357623971685139,0.0,0.0,0.16674619847529087
suicidewatch,Friendlyseaotter,2019/01/20,"Anyone awake that can help? Hey guys, 

So I just woke up from a dream that I had about my recent ex. I still feel very scared to my core.

My ex and I recently broke up. Long before the start of our relationship she’s dealt with depression. She has attempted suicide in high school. She is close to my age now. I’m 24 years old. We dated for 2 years.

So I need to let you know that I’m a horrible writer and I’m still a little shaken up from the dream. At this point I want to get as much out there as possible before it’s too late.

About a month before our breakup our relationship was going strong as ever. Something changed and an argument caused a breakup in our relationship. We spent about two weeks apart and then eventually we worked things out. Another week later she reaches out to me explaining to me that I’m not what she’s looking for and that I’m too good for her.  I try to accept this and I give her as much space as my heart can handle. I eventually contact her and we decide to meet to talk about things and try to keep a friendship.

So when the time comes we finally meet and she asks about my feelings regarding the breakup. I break down and let her know that I’m confused as to why everything ended. Especially when a week before our breakup she mentioned marriage and moving in together. I let her know that it’s been hard for me to keep my distance and to understand what’s been going on.

She begins to cry and to say that I should just get over her. She tells me that I’m too good for her and that she’s a shitty person. She repeats. And I want this to be clear she repeats it over and over. “The world is going to end why does any of this matter” “we don’t matter” “fuck me” 

Reddit she tells me that she’s going to kill herself soon and that it doesn’t matter since the world is going to end. I’ve only experienced her break down like this once during our relationship and it was about 3 months into our relationship. I remember I made the decision to ride things out and stay with her at her side. 

Now I’m here and I feel so scared. I’m scared of losing the love of my life. I’m scared of her fear for the future. I’m scared of the pain she’s going through. I’m scared of leaving her. I’m scared of being left. I’m so fucking scared and lonely. 

I’m begging someone to help me please 

There’s so much to type. 2 months ago her doctor switched her onto lithium and she mentioned that she liked the feeling. Then she was on something was harder and every time we talked she seemed so wired. You could tell her heart was beating 1000x faster than normal. She looked so lost and anxious on that stuff. 

I randomly text her and she always calls me back when she’s drunk. I asked her if she was awake and she calls me. She asks how I am and I answer. She starts to cry and says how the world is ending and how she’s a shitty person. That I have no idea how shitty she is and that I’m too good for her. She lets me know that it’s all for nothing and that nothing matters. All these things she’s saying are stabbing my heart and making me panic. I don’t know what to do anymore ",1.4707988429016474,3.5238061822429962,2.7391143747218543,93.57484423676014,80.6355140186916,5.633822874944371,19.692033822874944,6.7277918919703765,0.07951740097908289,2427,61,537,25,63,781,252,642,0.151,0.774,0.075,-0.9952,0,2,2,0,0,1,48.0,14,2,0,6,37,28,3,11,22,0,32,10,3,7,4,95,91,56,2,7,4,2,5,2,0,1,3,3,0,3,38,48,1,2,18,3,1,9,5,20,0,1,13,11,107,8,80,70,5,88,0,5,2,3,100,33,2,4,45,353,145,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889479120160699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045896392994568734,0.0,0.0,0.03750975510439069,0.057838625576128726,0.0,0.062313543703220835,0.054702532444004935,0.038568191697925296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469759989244342,0.0,0.0,0.042413576342302944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774370216684105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264624235734536,0.0,0.0,0.056663099954848424,0.05835050935321352,0.0475142696294137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403967216117175,0.0,0.1211783146147966,0.0,0.0,0.047508041158354414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056457187903372175,0.04826968268776805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541667209718766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049894132387096654,0.04647351884272784,0.0,0.04957301369673715,0.0,0.0,0.06206878587609677,0.11155942846390676,0.0,0.0,0.060423575355629276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198651628393224,0.05763620785030449,0.05291317728218732,0.1880874994641802,0.13879330794783676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054615708788510096,0.0,0.0,0.049411291943209576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960897014720812,0.07394332459543569,0.058278113609677225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226737142738965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980550370019913,0.06102484391083799,0.0,0.1515686833691697,0.0,0.06222132927557077,0.058405017472180125,0.059930005272845005,0.22561371648177436,0.038960166653582665,0.053895434048526314,0.055283430928257535,0.0,0.04881364560734819,0.0926387025183208,0.061708390098794676,0.060212152801172765,0.0,0.04978281078677295,0.052192422754812895,0.036818809160938784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320812598849514,0.05862488698064535,0.12164380359504327,0.04089942003625139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404373924767699,0.10585237279437418,0.0,0.05787969615108383,0.05874213330385114,0.0,0.0419506183282205,0.05869266383564985,0.06471675949196322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632476405882512,0.0,0.06054760422168914,0.05214272757005961,0.06218305968817073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089249716376334,0.2960985927754581,0.06248396731908847,0.0,0.0,0.13159305272495395,0.4417872329172067,0.055823471246321005,0.0,0.050214338758987856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562778293252901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673572226469019,0.08492760557160565,0.0,0.0,0.07808311450733403,0.05879175302123736,0.0880994951455423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314342674099849,0.060334580946554264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866882357905598,0.14463320312939146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465797526752496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432687328115286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489816860903073,0.0,0.053881959801867885,0.0574220718080716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551164064677876,0.06506796990274125,0.0,0.1327347607421856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954415575073426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015613447426171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104068952081223
suicidewatch,tinglesangreenery,2019/01/20,"Why does it have to be this hard. I want so bad to just give up on life. Ive hit an all time low. The only thing that saves me is my three boys. Their love and need for me out weighs my selfish need to end it all. There are times they are fighting or having bad days and I think ""I dont even want to be alive, why did I have kids?"" Its not their fault I feel like this at all. Right now I'm just lost. I feel like I'm worthless, cant do anything right and I just want to be alone. I want to just give up. ",-1.8578325123152688,-0.1101017586206865,0.05177339901477929,109.44913793103451,92.44827586206895,3.3142857142857145,11.733990147783251,3.1291,-2.1432492610837444,380,4,110,0,14,122,71,116,0.18600000000000005,0.665,0.149,-0.7736,0,1,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,8,12,1,0,2,0,14,3,0,0,3,23,30,5,0,6,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,2,3,16,4,12,24,3,13,0,3,0,1,9,8,0,1,7,67,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249198522592293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705360982372305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278118804614014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740873875055368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574599745870429,0.0,0.1951913017838892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751079875071635,0.0,0.0,0.11000241739804092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684218672263544,0.23796175958844876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195332296500014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919298468500686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763674492773665,0.1627324514371174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180521976720332,0.0,0.15031475266471578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469842947683816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266661467779914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844596663631602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064611921676308,0.10671629648915744,0.0,0.0,0.19422925090280527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929338519762488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30056469119387585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadddddddd,2019/01/20,Mellow All I wanna do is get high. 3 overdoses and I’m still here. Unfortunately. Maybe I’m being a crybaby? I thought I was getting better but I’ve came to the realisation that I’m always going to be in this mindset. It always comes back . Fuck this I’m going to relapse. ,-0.3199603174603176,1.9135280357142896,3.4830952380952382,81.17301587301587,99.0,5.346031746031747,20.50793650793651,6.937597516519254,1.006248412698414,214,8,41,4,9,79,41,56,0.125,0.8370000000000001,0.038,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,17,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,5,12,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646905049464875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471389058202772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469599890909509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31936957594298776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24053556832743514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581475506981666,0.29177672559506074,0.0,0.3173905013642179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950263002564756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805283206474401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229968207390355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216807917899451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThinDrop,2019/01/20,"The time is coming to leave to place I think I'm going to kill myself soon. I seriously don't see any other way out, and I don't feel like looking any more. It's been 30 years, and I've struggled for 2/3s of it, never feeling like I belong anywhere, never making progress, never getting a good amount of success. I just drift through life, and whatever I touch feels wrong after a few weeks, and I'm seriously over it. I have no intention to continue living this way, and since nothing else works, the only logical conclusion is not to live at all.",6.32048929663609,5.87416803669725,7.083990825688073,76.63069571865445,65.88073394495413,9.835474006116213,32.84556574923548,9.2995712137729,2.8189804281345565,432,16,83,7,6,144,77,109,0.244,0.723,0.033,-0.956,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,4,2,9,1,1,4,0,6,1,0,2,4,21,18,5,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,1,6,8,4,13,17,4,18,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,11,51,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352976817280774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902786570706206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452287392920066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242848179839795,0.2471885799759546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038759419404213,0.0,0.09832231744956607,0.1451077793346012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140359967795645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318654939556256,0.0,0.0,0.12219803712147513,0.1690423018232703,0.0,0.305531892182714,0.0,0.14528002035866647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154816982335257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002946911707669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600226964036482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157754845664466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075264728116866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378620097531046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311092563170724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086163347555972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085415503343872,0.0,0.0,0.1008801851261576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27464548464001115,0.13877359547512938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594917405697353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891530181279463,0.0,0.11140908215803434
suicidewatch,Jesus-slaves,2019/01/20,"I'm not going to kill myself. But I don't understand why I'm alive. Is there shit I still want to do in life? Kinda. I have interests and goals, or at least I say I do. I also have chronic apathy. Why wouldn't I kill myself? I know exactly how I'd do it. Nearly foolproof. I'm not sure I would care if I was a vegetable anyway, and I do have an agreement with at least half a dozen people to pull the plug if that happens. Why shouldn't I die? I don't believe in an afterlife. I don't believe in purpose. The universe is chaos in my mind. I don't care about life. I don't care if anyone wants me to be here. ""Better"" is subjective. None of the normal platitudes phase me. Really, what is the point? Tobacco isn't working fast enough. Maybe needles will.",-0.6056089193825045,1.5908517924528311,1.997189822755864,93.61629931389366,93.96855345911949,5.155060034305318,18.54802744425385,6.7829847944221076,0.26453207547169866,581,18,128,9,22,199,90,159,0.124,0.7290000000000001,0.147,0.5658,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,3,0,8,0,23,5,1,1,2,23,35,9,3,9,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,11,3,0,2,1,1,21,7,14,29,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,5,2,90,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841138966127444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353386802408786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336479867511534,0.0,0.13095573198560256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529011804726668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367310646682322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529957160880219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415149673520847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093766177856633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276346573435609,0.0,0.081375306280551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917219993622269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875604630654507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950831847063775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507699532872315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265297648397148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139973849874453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485732472794844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775107200964187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199155281098067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182487576138812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395540625659749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414591513157172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467084433901847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008299727189506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779659984005376,0.0,0.0,0.1051845589955764,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iam_the_1,2019/01/20,"I'm sick of life I'm a 20 year old guy, unemployed, no friends, never had a girlfriend, no family I live with a grandma who dosent understand anything. Literally been to thousands of job interviews no one will hire me. I thought about volunteering but idk if anything is worth it anymore. I just got a driving fine now I'm fucking done. I just want this shit to end. ",2.61827380952381,4.9237234861111165,3.9908730158730172,84.77000000000002,78.0277777777778,7.447619047619049,31.119047619047624,8.418075326091056,2.570604761904762,289,15,57,6,7,95,55,72,0.195,0.69,0.114,-0.7166,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,4,0,5,4,1,0,1,9,13,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,5,0,5,2,6,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,5,34,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752342986908864,0.0,0.0,0.39418246868735946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450955587407028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212929336333652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257828833742403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504005489969996,0.2214174195038942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155308154538533,0.0,0.0,0.2371464335669884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23767058232780006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691686289168213,0.0,0.0,0.21148625832480086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847201086127768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251318967063522,0.0,0.16229398480705853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458472263887073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901392778624504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493319200533106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126555659683654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423260570724834
suicidewatch,Roxa18,2019/01/20,"This is goodbye I'm writing this as I'm staring at my selfharm scars. It's been 4 years since I harmed myself. It's funny how life turned out to be so good that I actually forgot about them for quite a while. Not anymore. 

I'm ill. Just been diagnosed a week ago. Spent the week at my parent's, with my mom trying to make me eat, come out of bed and function. Came back to Uni again. It's exam week. Told them I'm ok, I've accepted it. A few weeks ago exams seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. Now they're just child's play. My boyfriend said he cared, he loves me, he always will. Took him 2 days dealing with the thoughts in my head to give up. 2 days until he told me I should let him focus on exams and just ""keep my head up"". He screamed at me. ""Why are you like this"". They always say they'll be there and then when you need them, they go. It's not the first time I lose friends over depression, I'm used to it.

​

3 years ago my brother told me he would kill himself if he weren't so damn afraid that hell is real. He's good now. I'm braver. I'll probably jump off a bridge. I wonder if I'll regret it in those few seconds while I'm falling. But I'm ill. They don't get it. I'm not even 20. How can I be ill? How can I live like this?

​

I wish I could hug my mom once more and see her smile. I'll miss my brother. And hell, I'll miss the Disturbed concert I saved so much for. I guess there won't be anyone else to pet my dogs. I'll go to church tonight to apologize to God. I'm not even going to ask again why he abandoned me. And then I'll jump. I hope my mom will recover

​

20 January.",-0.30662256267409305,1.6703934038997232,1.5180494428969382,100.16437221448471,87.1058495821727,4.4813649025069635,17.61009749303621,5.6839178017228535,-0.67421286908078,1268,31,313,8,40,414,182,359,0.113,0.715,0.172,0.9537,1,0,0,0,0,1,61.0,0,2,7,3,21,29,4,2,9,1,22,10,2,5,1,47,64,22,1,10,10,6,0,3,1,6,5,4,2,1,17,12,1,3,4,2,1,9,7,15,0,2,12,6,43,14,31,39,5,47,3,6,2,2,41,12,3,6,29,165,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.08053961215241516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947969303208956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734695793658855,0.268271113655254,0.300857307360078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184985717179029,0.11541699591626052,0.08456408698501701,0.0,0.0,0.07715655254155075,0.0,0.0,0.06346223859591678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943949558821284,0.08414717279586523,0.0,0.0,0.07109426216730226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179063985654374,0.0,0.0,0.10645300200309672,0.08508716969101005,0.07108494268164364,0.08376853969908701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445113954044321,0.06894514015580963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902360176497992,0.07465518372069116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020192592492283,0.0,0.0,0.06376424453346828,0.0,0.04311971648936019,0.07917249548704021,0.14071501152804056,0.13844834263153946,0.0,0.0,0.0909186250731422,0.0,0.07298303378014179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940388555160596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197318884161607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733584937937108,0.09130975358674263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439486091860922,0.058294999034078,0.1209633278934322,0.0,0.07287752642853716,0.0,0.0,0.09233252447786816,0.0,0.0,0.07448861634840437,0.0,0.05509094618504296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899824708177479,0.0,0.0,0.06067073134916491,0.06119664920089294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789419805761503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916423438952816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898377047190993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778325228205751,0.0,0.09393981759846344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850710996855759,0.06563299168012451,0.0,0.0,0.06576755171119616,0.07513429948798439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827156530487544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483078792113757,0.0,0.0,0.06552142137879371,0.04812524352286402,0.0,0.0,0.2365894272723784,0.09169641383678323,0.056034009114231495,0.08977143460566014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128140191830176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648097074140806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894511399128071,0.0,0.09490806339851664,0.0,0.08950275073408588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862857269672196,0.0,0.300857307360078,0.106296181015313
suicidewatch,ninimben,2019/01/20,"i'm sick of life any way i try to look at it, life fucking sucks, and everyone always laughs and goes what can you do but legitimately the way i look at it -- if something fucking sucks, get rid of it

underwent severe and horrible neglect and abuse growing up. nobody cared or did anything. lots of it was public. people knew my dad broke my bones. didn't get me medical care or out of his custody. people knew how bad my mom's mental health was and how abusive she was. didn't matter. she ""loved"" me and needed social security money to fund a prescription amphetamine habit (thanks, GW Bush, for slashing prescriptions for disabled people on Medicare) so I had to live part-time at her house and still lie to Social Security about how much time I spent there.

When I turned 18 I stopped going to my mom's house. her mental health continued declining. she was eventually evicted and spent time on the streets homeless. she cared so much that she would pick up food bank food for me and drop it off. but by the time she got it to me it was all rotten, and i didn't need it anyways. i begged her to stop. she didn't listen. it was agony watching her do this while she was living on the street.

agony is the watchword of my life.

​

Abuse, abuse, abuse until I was 20. Then my dad kicked me out. I managed to hold it together and get into university. My mental health got worse and worse. I dropped out.

I've been floating for years since, bouncing around from situation to situation.

got raped a few times. watched as a whole community of feminists turned out to have been harboring a lady rapist who targets men, because they believe women but not survivors. this person had raped over 20 people and it wasn't even a secret. had to watch a coalition of male survivors organize a me too situation against a community of feminists and watch folks who certainly knew better step up and indulge in rape apology and equivocation about 4 years before me too hit the national scene.

that last one did a lot of damage and definitely cost me my faith in humanity.

worked a few jobs. got poisoned and repeatedly injured.

got used and betrayed by a lot of ""friends""

dated someone for a while. love them to pieces. can't actually deal with them as a person

at this point i'm just broken, exhausted, and alone, with no hope for the future.

been following the climate disaster my whole life. this civilization is entirely doomed and billions are gonna die in the coming decades. and donald trump is the president.

life really seems like it ain't worth it. i think the main thing keeping me from offing myself so far is that suicide is risky and then creates a lot of extra fucking drama and attention if you fail AND THEN they confiscate your freedom until you can convince them you aren't suicidal anymore.

i've been in therapy. doesn't help. i'm on antidepressants. doesn't help. the problem is life itself.

i only found this sub because i decided to google the LD100 of sertraline, which i thought would be my preferred way to go, until i fond someone on here who tried to kill themselves with it, took 4 times as much as i even have, and barely even induced serotonin syndrome and had a horrible time.",4.472938506539356,6.415085324546955,5.026397471674009,81.08976465050603,71.37232289950578,8.052301381837745,29.191708973539985,8.724045039944539,2.352789489964025,2540,102,468,47,49,812,302,607,0.258,0.6459999999999999,0.096,-0.9992,2,1,1,0,4,1,74.0,0,5,5,3,20,37,11,0,28,0,44,26,1,6,2,81,92,53,4,9,9,4,0,1,1,3,14,1,0,6,29,37,2,7,12,1,7,7,12,20,0,2,36,8,60,17,75,51,15,66,2,5,6,9,48,29,5,10,26,311,89,4,0.0,0.3577606611033123,0.05893181107955087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254570256164893,0.0,0.0,0.05024921750400641,0.06543240924359668,0.07338031363454489,0.041067188939784206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989053325223297,0.0,0.0,0.04969572530461322,0.05375979618251228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050423026923268464,0.07362622008968357,0.0,0.051387339557954964,0.06803871426166445,0.0,0.05340994091560916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471452087575813,0.0,0.0,0.052020533932480316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225931408801705,0.0,0.0,0.06267516062308373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966083764347972,0.0,0.0,0.057705117845404816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604736408492175,0.06621438586681244,0.046657071123776865,0.16748841155666588,0.09465365866721154,0.0,0.0686419204480747,0.0,0.2414965169159211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925748539571369,0.0,0.0,0.08095612657415342,0.0,0.0,0.05998077653093841,0.0,0.13936362576176195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992763712542332,0.053677299676464,0.06681245419845118,0.0,0.0,0.04922581194940938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559309471312769,0.029503444729280938,0.0,0.1066507400433946,0.0,0.1014245784561526,0.0,0.0,0.2053652640663912,0.1090084481140545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060836450292145225,0.1825763841546363,0.0,0.0,0.1414557940695723,0.0,0.0,0.133180530016494,0.08955666095296495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092174527406266,0.045929224657191764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539635458365556,0.0,0.16746695469345646,0.10546022692429848,0.0,0.0,0.057087955892963886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778495888189397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03868730320021024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497667824177018,0.0,0.06822337457671439,0.0,0.049955132401658685,0.2036422644962462,0.0,0.12311975421447954,0.10233629791182763,0.04649107964722946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822743580400081,0.1009772867391188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211345307049546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559888743797351,0.06906109027640221,0.0,0.040120352566342735,0.038695396368413314,0.0,0.04794281873435774,0.21128294639013268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709537819322088,0.0820015282144787,0.13137369508334226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521574663581109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380402636781345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484628770377555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043964551540163294,0.0,0.12308489299215185,0.08579847550019085,0.0,0.07338031363454489,0.07777820491881174
suicidewatch,Laylawilson40,2019/01/20,"thoughts about Overdosing Hi I’m Layla, I’m 14, I have been with my boyfriend for two years, last night we were drunk and I told him I done Sexual stuff with someone while we were on a 3 month break, he flipped and has been threatening to send my nudes to everyone, expose me for stuff I have done, and a lot more, he hit me a couple times to, and was calling me a slut and asked if I wanted to come “watch him kill himself” my friend that was with me told him to leave me alone as we tried to walk away he striked her too, we then went into mine and locked the door and he stood there for 10 minutes repedetly chapping and trying to kick the door down, he threatened to smash my windows and I was honestly so scared, I never knew someone so fucking perfect could be so twisted. He plays mind games constantly, but I love that boy til the death of me, there is nobody else for me out there except him, he knows me inside and out and has helped me through really rough times, but with everything that has happened, and with me getting constantly bullied on top of that I’ve been having suicidal thoughts really badly, I can’t stop crying and I just hate myself and wonder why me. I want to be happy so badly but I don’t think that’s what this life has to offer me, I plan to go steal pharmacy pills from a shop,and over dose, or I have thoughts of jumping off a bridge and ending everything.  I’ve already wrote my suicide note and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even know why I’m writing on this. Can anyone help? ",3.377416387959869,4.519819891025644,4.0344091415830565,90.29899665551842,72.84615384615384,7.220958751393534,25.424191750278712,7.586124646067393,1.084963322185061,1194,37,259,14,23,379,172,312,0.195,0.728,0.077,-0.992,0,1,0,0,1,1,26.0,4,0,0,3,11,14,3,1,9,0,28,8,1,0,2,55,56,29,4,4,7,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,3,1,11,29,1,1,9,3,0,6,5,8,0,1,19,2,45,6,40,33,2,32,0,0,1,4,32,11,1,4,14,170,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137175974951415,0.12116480501579073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088900959651682,0.0767733029451427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264629286960594,0.0,0.10315881976190457,0.0,0.18335345979990084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211601723341433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458124054782686,0.0,0.23730522728110195,0.0,0.08766475542632933,0.12148938027524366,0.1206079290827115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472291619080295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172212618699027,0.0,0.0972484235516806,0.0,0.0,0.07252053252664996,0.0,0.0,0.10491667845741202,0.19735869538566106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482964963302138,0.1015064664207118,0.05736491459798813,0.0,0.062400724279288465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709399413451564,0.11688199504737425,0.0,0.10840277709127004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719054770311624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214752007416214,0.0,0.18102630068482525,0.08950001103779885,0.0,0.11626021087603243,0.0,0.0,0.0775535628093668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334631909988747,0.09909696684584864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086466337850577,0.0,0.08763970284066128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468297365286245,0.0,0.0,0.10303796953049756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067879944773695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992693582738533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860629501061168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179603057646006,0.0,0.0,0.2513848441819416,0.24020234587908976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703541143342491,0.0,0.2615020028710582,0.12804817422107495,0.0,0.0,0.20983335691482405,0.0,0.149091246841288,0.0,0.10725667554098292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952339079037778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178383065934724,0.1981512041250484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907122936239042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070630146119257
suicidewatch,alligatorcheese,2019/01/20,Everything is falling apart As the title says everything is falling apart and It’s getting increasingly difficult to keep it together and I’m starting to think ending it is the answer. I have very few friends and they’re amazing but I can’t help but feel extremely alone I keep up a great front of happiness but deep down I want to die.....,2.177272727272726,4.934060893939397,3.539621212121212,84.37943181818183,84.0,7.542424242424243,27.946969696969692,8.472884824447931,2.5845515151515155,273,13,51,7,8,89,47,66,0.098,0.631,0.271,0.9418,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,13,7,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,4,7,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603808854698275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609198258492145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267117132872305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518951595146382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711847122474107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423571876362436,0.0,0.1313493037747596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771760978698669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676264539199007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851220034508613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469225621252182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999282106589486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794652198043548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109086887436153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743635070952568,0.1482858235045546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purposelessperson,2019/01/20,"I’m so alone There is no one on the earth right now that cares about me or would notice if I was gone. I tried to drown myself in the shower tonight but it didn’t work, just kinda hoping I don’t wake up tomorrow ",-0.09468085106383127,1.8187463404255344,1.6334468085106373,100.09400000000002,85.59574468085106,4.611063829787233,13.655319148936169,5.6839178017228535,-1.192256170212766,166,2,41,1,5,54,42,47,0.119,0.768,0.112,0.16899999999999998,1,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,7,9,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,5,2,5,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892682775072504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832051360150648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733048412196163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427908846091289,0.0,0.0,0.2546863596219691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209746939848927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551781524042311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736239989078301,0.0,0.0,0.2669937613842258,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,56789717,2019/01/20,"6 months pregnant and I want to die. I really just want everything to stop. I have started self harming which is something I haven't done in 10 years. Currently sitting on the floor in my bathroom bawling my eyes out with a straight razor by my feet, I didn't put it there, it must've fallen out earlier when my fiancé was rummaging through the bathroom and of course not cleaning up after himself. It's like some kind of sign. All I do these days is think of how I want to do it. I don't like blood, my roofs probably not tall enough to jump off, I've thought about a belt, I've also thought about smashing the mirror and using the pieces. I routinely look up how long it will be before my baby is viable, I don't want her to die for my choices. I just can't handle it anymore. I have no job, I was supposed to graduate university in April but nothing works out for me, so I'm now going to need two years more, I feel like I'm going no where. My fiancé can be great, but other times he is very condescending and makes me feel like the biggest fuck up in the universe and everything is always my fault. All of my family is on the other side of he world and I have no friends, so there's no one to turn to. I actually volunteer on a suicide crisis line, every time I hear so much awfulness and it's getting really hard to find the good. The only thing I'm struggling with at the moment is how to make sure my baby grows up back home with my loving warm family and not my fiancé and his equally cold and indifferent family, who undoubtably hear me up here hysterical and do nothing. I tried confiding in my fiancé about by suicidal ideations but he does not believe me, he thinks it is an attention ploy. The only time I ever made a legitimate attempt previously was after someone said something similar. I won't tell him this time. ",4.364459459459463,5.163257337837841,5.617675675675677,81.14705405405408,70.21621621621621,8.730810810810812,29.394594594594594,8.954980946260402,2.298073513513513,1445,54,289,26,25,484,194,370,0.14300000000000002,0.755,0.103,-0.9568,3,0,2,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,2,20,15,1,1,16,1,28,5,3,7,5,54,57,22,4,5,9,0,4,4,1,2,0,3,2,1,15,17,0,1,8,0,0,6,14,4,0,2,9,10,42,11,47,44,8,52,0,0,2,2,16,25,1,1,24,197,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.09736983816771404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979317080659334,0.08302405927784456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895388286431844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672383485223888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490451667730381,0.112416680828878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434915255050702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071095435627211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731721024931619,0.1021084834601763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309830280187256,0.0,0.0,0.09025575071690578,0.08406804830404119,0.0,0.1793497292140737,0.0,0.2821880730650006,0.0,0.10090244567678673,0.14256416886624348,0.0,0.0,0.09119613041178898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770889504578297,0.09224400896275284,0.05213037043760843,0.0,0.11341332572535408,0.08368982887023357,0.0,0.11000661779817963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938231881911447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491620187579334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100086397920107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901518758348046,0.0,0.0,0.10390439668719097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498777221031402,0.0,0.0,0.08830120935542275,0.08378916759552146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005437604362211,0.09441323201940274,0.13320641535726638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964258652074813,0.0,0.07334899107541694,0.07398480908774313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914811404595696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761278233070493,0.15177273836035746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757855791515704,0.0,0.0,0.10030537941930907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784186953510696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491260745317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104091180445557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454235992261286,0.1536293834710887,0.0,0.0,0.07062403714626092,0.0,0.0,0.08341964966196817,0.0,0.10431059743432536,0.0,0.21828389980900725,0.0,0.09404045660586162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721117896694065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628868458400339,0.127868613341678,0.0,0.15842664313054874,0.23272757582866405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774334086704839,0.1085308188856796,0.09746951193149536,0.0,0.0,0.08617695545911183,0.0,0.08232806336953896,0.23540878216436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264024624668718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285087134976561
suicidewatch,8669644873,2019/01/20,"Where to find free online counseling? Where can I talk to a therapist for free online, without having to give my credit card number or paying 65$ every week? 

Please don't respond with r/suicidewatch.

Any help is appreciated",4.487926829268293,7.270023097560973,5.675792682926829,72.62637195121951,74.12195121951221,8.002439024390245,24.88414634146341,8.841846274778883,2.3914829268292683,181,6,28,4,4,60,36,41,0.0,0.602,0.398,0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,16,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382211856195421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951492679121984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201748068436008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360469774323909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348038051002023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845325575699432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28156398544468514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40673413219539656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099563245996256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376840328169267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cyneadrift5,2019/01/20,"The longer I stay alive the more of a burden I am to people around me. My whole family is disappointed in me. I'm just pulling everyone down by staying alive. Therapist don't know how to help me so they send me to the next therapist who just sends me to the next person, because I burden them too much too. I also disappointed the only person who ever helped me too. 

The medication doesn't help with my suicidality, even though the doctors tell me they should.. I just want to die finally. It will be better for everyone",3.261372549019608,5.33854003921569,4.910392156862745,80.04343137254905,75.07843137254902,8.454901960784316,24.07843137254902,9.150863307647796,2.005325490196079,412,13,80,10,9,139,65,102,0.145,0.7240000000000001,0.131,-0.5657,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,1,13,5,0,0,8,0,7,2,0,1,1,10,10,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,17,1,12,7,3,12,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,0,4,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535700615808273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954528338837344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555646111779513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863715769163226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268705745958667,0.0,0.0,0.16044549906380734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353527285681507,0.14179397289331233,0.0,0.2995724535620885,0.0,0.0,0.14777476842259535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717175626909757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152089412633449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614850986638703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579142835203245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523304354224792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334216791904879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921932607104953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867425711375807,0.2737450343448397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341601841902971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714646497686678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701087684948945,0.0,0.0,0.36400953306602624,0.0,0.0,0.15401110131388046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245822624022816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501148411733192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salbo85,2019/01/20,"Feel like I'm at the end For the past 7 years I've tried to be positive and I feel like it for nothing. Everything is getting worse in my life and there's nothing pushing me to keep goin. I lost my family, my daughter doesn't want to see me and I feel like I'm living for nothing. I'm at the end of of the tunnel with no light there. I've failed everything I've loved and it hurts to keep goin. I dont need to be here anymore. It hurts to much. I feel hopeless and I'm ready to give up",0.2552727272727253,1.7147494363636362,2.4309090909090934,97.22636363636366,81.9090909090909,5.854545454545455,21.0,6.742157984588678,0.1110181818181819,378,11,96,4,10,128,58,110,0.179,0.6729999999999999,0.147,-0.4257,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,14,22,5,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,6,10,4,17,19,1,9,0,5,1,1,3,4,0,0,7,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645592356577902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307636963724754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26159601679721856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654451697396812,0.0,0.13921675317733492,0.0,0.2986797575574132,0.3165014815131961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715514871442344,0.14166525572824434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161826122012015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26252424454212125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430864778276737,0.2164426001017941,0.0,0.13040151576415296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120691409317034,0.0,0.1332842778154836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855960291419596,0.10950064041085156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251002556901243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097442725335765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767946651766507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026300398660247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710373360146573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504955015531489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950991602186835
suicidewatch,Jlowe77705,2019/01/20,"Have to wonder Came here originally because I was suicidal due to my son committing suicide. Always have had suicidal ideation, but better with age....until I found my son in my bathtub with gunshot to head....now PTSD is kicking my ass and I hate life. Yet a part of me find comfort in hearing you all say no one could help...and you also hide it from parents etc....then today another kid I personally know took his life. So I have personally known 4 kids...I’m shocked ...A) that these kids have the courage to do what I fear...B) see no hope in the future of mankind.  I know we all have it ruff blah freaking blah blah....shit as I said...my biggest fear...losing my son happened....and yet....I refuse to feel bad for myself anymore. I allow myself 15 min pity party then I’m like shut the fuck up and move forward. I may not know what forward looks like...or really even care about it... but I refuse to be a victim and instead a fighter...I really feel connected to you all...only y’all understand what it feels like to want to be at peace...but fuck it...let’s all be at peace here! Can’t we figure out why we all have these feelings...what is making this even an option for us! Uuggghhh life sux...but even when we do die...regardless what religion u are or are not...we all have a life review. So we have to feel all the pain we have left behind...and trust me, it’s a whole freaking lot. So let’s say fuck it..and live life the way we want. So many fear letting others down...don’t...live YOUR life...we fear rejection or have sad stories...fuck it...let’s make our own and make it amazing. Happiness isn’t what social media makes it look like. I found happiness today laying on my back looking at the clouds and thinking how cool it is that I can see so many things in something that everyone else just sees as a cloud. Omg I am rambling in a drunken state....but in all real, as crazy as I sound...u all actually mean something to me....u get me...yet u don’t know me from the stranger u see on the side of the rode. Yet we are connected i this freaking feeling of wanting the madness to end. I choose to say fuck it...and live my life as I want. Ok...I’m done.  ",0.8898047914818115,2.992440015873015,2.597892635314995,93.51240239574093,83.08163265306122,5.558138617765947,21.831854480922804,6.800593979768761,0.4433132800946469,1641,54,365,19,46,540,216,441,0.217,0.642,0.141,-0.9912,1,0,2,1,1,1,135.0,10,5,0,1,19,31,7,2,19,1,33,12,1,7,9,70,75,23,3,6,6,4,5,5,0,1,7,4,0,4,22,17,0,2,19,0,0,6,6,18,0,1,7,17,46,13,42,61,12,36,0,3,7,5,31,19,5,7,17,206,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.06595229454531303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404694926858649,0.05623535290680544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086778085814029,0.0,0.0,0.06702522826246113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196797129420153,0.056429868055821425,0.04119861637255711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059772609909426636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729816133393526,0.06890645456407049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396037344757313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014158530625503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916195922130773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645781087719691,0.0,0.05985941814947895,0.0,0.07537409320021213,0.1339159049286391,0.0,0.0,0.06457946666147396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042034330368659,0.17086265990694824,0.048282066775540255,0.0,0.0,0.06177060748474581,0.0,0.0,0.1482048693168487,0.0,0.31240187740032666,0.035309882511414536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438889795877867,0.0,0.0667252683949441,0.06936074472196832,0.0,0.07617214875398648,0.0,0.04530017156488601,0.0,0.0,0.06712622212619768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856973008565202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343028016654747,0.2764371258645517,0.3341563475221269,0.13207263386222945,0.0,0.11935592835120415,0.0,0.17026076960654046,0.0,0.0,0.057457551944226824,0.0,0.0,0.18045154241369105,0.13703926049689896,0.0,0.07361885551751665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183116130429484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045796708911254806,0.0,0.07191420607342393,0.0,0.0750441018509826,0.07318695218561834,0.0,0.0,0.11802359068072772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900215079763155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769254576004443,0.08659216029793676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428791872934696,0.16123667410960507,0.0,0.0,0.2154229863323644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693740675413702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889343926100314,0.0,0.10405902423343796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177798061920964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044899847149537285,0.04330513744762178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812357510967265,0.0,0.07508837865605605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035739111674766,0.0812953041339877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945132118957844,0.05364508194625963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098410314199406,0.0754551906862015,0.0,0.0,0.0732920313529614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gt181,2019/01/20,"My Will I posted about an hour ago about how I've been feeling. It's 3:18 AM where I am, and I just finished writing out my will and letters to the 6 most important people in my life. I cried the entire time, knowing that if they ever read these letters there will likely be a lot of pain to go along with them. I don't want to hurt anyone else. I just don't want to be alive anymore. I'm not sure when it'll actually happen as of yet. I'm not waiting for anything in particular, I just know there will be a day sometime soon when it'll just hit me that today's the day. Today is the day I'm going to die. 

Frankly, I wish that day would come already. I really just can't go on anymore.",2.2228615009151937,3.087654751677853,4.026955460646737,90.31723611958513,75.30872483221476,6.492007321537522,24.28370957901159,6.574015621080383,0.6026187919463082,534,16,123,4,11,181,91,149,0.101,0.816,0.083,-0.3689,0,0,0,0,1,3,15.0,0,0,2,0,16,4,0,0,7,0,17,2,0,1,2,28,33,7,1,5,8,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,1,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,1,15,2,17,21,2,25,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,16,82,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.1505933226447739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679469991407722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029512463704596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060864491419196,0.10790360445128347,0.15811830346781114,0.12699159007282812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293236551092133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695124447456474,0.398092586957569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015901280862194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289139276785262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395905923644032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802844722447923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631095502658171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646399901762804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197337142693818,0.0,0.16520194385585069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961964289706108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900024675438467,0.07539258831280975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119670388982274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420655737030032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698553412199674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779517926777755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543610063314095,0.0,0.09886086014259747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526256795860016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544406245099606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998479296724114,0.0,0.2925532010358849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182042978364762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774595162677957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096239642626001,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simplemeaning,2019/01/20,"Robbed at gunpoint Last night someone broke into my apartment and took everything I had. My PC, my food and my last twenty dollars. Last year was a nightmare. This one started fine but all hope is drained. I can't handle this anymore. I gave my cat, love of my life because she deserves better. ",2.7495238095238115,5.388513,3.010714285714286,90.10095238095242,79.71428571428572,4.447619047619049,28.97619047619048,5.46131890053228,1.1262476190476192,232,11,42,1,6,71,45,56,0.079,0.6920000000000001,0.229,0.8945,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,6,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,10,4,3,5,1,10,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,6,25,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412763345404941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830611404389368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516847609070291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186515779524076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29418482990712985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416398906205721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949366031812878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718415178106332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957692949683405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283093185514869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485825332599627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613714313262685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220050714397905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703019331434147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666950326619986
suicidewatch,pkok420,2019/01/20,Suicidal thoughts I think about dying almost every day but not that I wish I could kill my self but that I just want to die. I’m not tough enough to actually go through but I’m constantly wishing for something to end it for me. Am I suicidal or crazy or what. Are things like this normal. Half the time I’m fine then I just get hit with these feelings. What do I do,-0.024545454545453538,2.272500376623377,1.6649480519480555,96.84027922077922,90.68831168831169,5.157922077922079,19.388311688311685,6.742157984588678,0.1307516883116886,287,9,66,4,10,93,54,77,0.287,0.598,0.115,-0.9686,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,19,17,6,5,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,9,2,8,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1836097251891312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884075773840571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033260394604196,0.0,0.1502244828344019,0.0,0.0,0.12134281455414545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390545235497852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666472924434165,0.19441185690698246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852661909229498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951355710878091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983019297369097,0.0,0.10693141716714108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816289419698128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192182082379133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434952806205296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628412037926352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448490077158998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411616652665169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125000178583573,0.12056054214417708,0.0,0.14937208973138594,0.10971325167510264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097723538848044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327322412692231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smoochmcsmooch,2019/01/20,"Give me a sign I feel as though I have nothing to look forward to. I recently graduated high school with an impressive score but I did not apply to university because

​

1) my family does not have the money to support me if I move interstate to begin my preferred degree, which is not offered in my state. 

​

2) thinking of the future gave me much anxiety about the future of my relationship, which has been the most fulfilling part of my life recently. 

​

Today, my partner told me that he did not want to continue our relationship when he moves interstate for university next month, although he wanted me to forget that so we could share more wonderful times before he goes. That conversation devolved into a fight, in which he said he is no longer sure he even wants to see me again. 

​

That left me in a suicidal place. He has been the most important person in my life, recently he has been the only present person in my life. Now, I feel alone. Normally, I would confide my hopelessness and suicidal thoughts to him but I ruined any chance of that when I hurt him during our fight. 

​

A few times he has expressed nostalgia for how our relationship was when it was new and carefree. That was before I told him how much I struggle. I have recently felt that his longing for that time means that my mental health has burdened him. That makes me want to talk to him about how I feel now less.

​

For many years, I have contemplated whether I should commit suicide. Many years ago, I told myself that I would do so when I felt as though there is nothing left for me. Give me a sign that there is something out there for me. Give me a sign that I should reach out to my boyfriend. Please. ",5.5557598723574015,6.932183584097864,5.543773434383726,80.63921021140806,67.89908256880734,8.867384656295705,30.73115277223773,9.20300075937882,2.622514798564022,1380,54,256,26,23,432,155,327,0.163,0.747,0.09,-0.9835,0,1,1,0,2,3,54.0,4,0,0,0,20,11,2,1,13,0,27,4,0,4,2,47,53,20,3,12,8,0,5,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,17,7,0,0,10,0,1,3,5,7,0,0,16,8,53,4,35,32,8,43,0,3,2,0,41,13,0,4,28,183,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525056831185613,0.0,0.0,0.06134659251765363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850677360311471,0.4318409113641942,0.04027985940762634,0.0,0.04531239465851356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036107338613751636,0.0,0.10080430953096824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729201238646075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051834410192841886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912224366387723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055838752707949815,0.0,0.08984858901935318,0.0,0.1137442103800098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046248389031718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296095287660895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625819661100559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340918851471546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871170072800264,0.0,0.12551215258030093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052418544902937216,0.04974004632605688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039537886942515386,0.12010410586108065,0.0,0.06452112178938314,0.0,0.0,0.05969202563539421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472784974090224,0.12590869755329145,0.08708481821117357,0.0,0.0,0.057206731637000824,0.0629940107182069,0.0,0.05803488219799211,0.11366959560932872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504868143289797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414259257587178,0.0,0.0,0.10343837071087912,0.061884937977890526,0.06501905914157151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339382132105675,0.19077932641147047,0.0,0.0,0.05634329146743139,0.0,0.0,0.059946047826483335,0.04720031518989023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455997646842833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061922251975675836,0.0,0.1943709121412618,0.06721588556899323,0.05582555361666005,0.0,0.0,0.04760851860621625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037953538230422,0.11639047575363798,0.047023671404848574,0.1036161421749886,0.0,0.056145105324106936,0.16979643072148606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974650979874234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423468618023452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415356930331255,0.0,0.4318409113641942,0.07628706127660638
suicidewatch,adolan1914,2019/01/20,"Suicide is my status quo I tried to commit suicide as a teen. Now I’m 27, in medical school, in a relationship and happy for the most part. But every time I get a little bit sad, suicide is my 1st thought. I don’t go through the normal process where death is ranked at a 10/10. I think  it is somewhere like a 3/10. Like... no biggie... if I’m dead I don’t have to deal with any of the repercussions. I’m just wondering if anyone else feels that same thing... that their threshold for wanting to die is so much lower than “normal”. I’m at peace with dying... and it honestly doesn’t sound that bad compared to being alive for 40 more years and hating half of those hours. Just looking for some insight from the unbiased internet ",2.1013300492610867,4.253636655172413,3.2603201970443334,90.13491379310348,79.0,6.0738916256157625,23.46059113300493,7.1686216300943375,0.8743694581280788,565,19,116,7,14,182,98,145,0.245,0.652,0.104,-0.977,1,0,0,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,1,0,9,0,10,1,0,0,1,22,23,8,7,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,3,8,4,20,21,7,11,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,5,6,73,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620604611948622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920292960631894,0.16002229073692986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304016773767736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050536523468976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101213046490692,0.0,0.0,0.32417514670612924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046624940048274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158626794041134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896802959341574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159629051250729,0.0,0.08875926447665733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625383808906552,0.0,0.15419293402403245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380336427467226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526008617826857,0.15653087039543673,0.0,0.0,0.13114975404036253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573323865664948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480842231405405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060415535656965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691249980889121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767617230614335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805995387697394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124984635684445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375738210956874,0.1000722269386744,0.0,0.1239874787890978,0.0910683481058073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603426131972593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211752773591103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936782161749692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057318058475292
suicidewatch,ISaidPutItDown,2019/01/20,"It want to die... nothing helps A few days ago my niece reached out to me about her friend cutting herself. I helped, got the school involved, they should be helping I don’t know her mom. Today I struggle not to cut it kill my self . I’ve reached out to my support system.... they are too busy or have told me to focus on the good, I want to die. Only thing keeping me here is my kids but I can’t get past the fact they are better off without me",-0.12110251450676655,2.0044008936170243,1.3001740812379126,100.96136363636364,87.93617021276596,3.418181818181818,20.247582205029012,3.1291,-0.7114127659574465,340,11,80,0,11,108,66,94,0.101,0.72,0.18,0.5669,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,3,1,3,8,3,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,12,16,2,3,3,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,19,4,12,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,4,52,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683836424603019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799975716850893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250525764240852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942865910229126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467587584748213,0.0,0.09924364515043016,0.0,0.0,0.15932523804023674,0.1519243627811556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38196848861667737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884072808385694,0.210157058569064,0.0,0.10439429788494188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247299516129512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822669414896355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446933393051298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181333537252348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224459686259024,0.0,0.0,0.1981644881613118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858220515795896,0.0,0.0,0.21555867805290724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261976585840166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180055125069849,0.1815101387347721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240807560573195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310983729589606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HopelessAnhedonic,2019/01/20,"You are going to make fun of me, or think I am trolling, or not take me seriously in my time of serious pain I just searched for the tag ""amwf"" on Instagram then search for ""imwf""

AMWF: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/amwf/

IMWF: https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/imwf/

If you don't know, AMWF refers to a couple which is Asian Male White Female and IMWF refers to a couple which is Indian Male White Female.

The AMWF tag produces **62,000** results. Every single one of the pictures are of a couple which is Asian Male White Female. I should also add, all the females are quite attractive.

The IMWF tag produces **1,900** results. Let that sink in. That is 3% of the size of the AWMF results. And it does not end there - literally *NONE* of the photos are of Indian Male White Female couples. They are all pictures of IMWF Mas-Wrestling World Cup and International Mice & Wedding Forum. So there is literally close to 0 pictures of IMWF couples. So, 0 vs. 62,000. If ever anyone needed evidence, this proves it well beyond any doubt.

IT IS OVER FOR CURRYCELS! **OVER!!!! OVER!!!! OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

#OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST KILL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I don't want to live if Indians men are seen as this ugly by whtie women. There is literally one thing I want in live or I want to be dead. I don't want to live anymore. If Indian men are seen as this ugly by White women, what is the point of living. All I want from life is to be loved by a White women. That's it. Outside of that I just want death!",1.7116788321167888,4.493713872262777,2.4990182481751866,89.34648357664234,90.93430656934306,4.929781021897808,17.79890510948905,6.6274283507984215,0.11221781021897792,1147,30,221,15,40,358,129,274,0.129,0.8220000000000001,0.049,-0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,3,160.0,0,2,1,3,13,9,1,1,13,0,24,3,0,6,5,42,39,16,3,12,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,16,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,5,1,2,2,8,16,4,39,33,5,19,0,0,8,1,14,13,0,8,5,140,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222024951692838,0.0,0.12494766407993785,0.0,0.07842060819207337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436507255157607,0.08063345232199982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6379892342949499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091609137618904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213805871354917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431228346126796,0.09716090127301033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655382227025912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275829543806881,0.0,0.06337609136398098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792109021863308,0.0814529435272387,0.0,0.0,0.4073137759977231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407954646850424,0.0,0.07697606660648988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550728697160888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628574711449247,0.0,0.1227071299611285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901335925701693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265553493856175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670524197925644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661255932920794,0.07389150793578189,0.0,0.0,0.06724320795701427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081074184085411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036852782079646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UmbralApocrypha,2019/01/20,"My body is awful I just hate the way I look, it's nothing like how I wish I could, and honestly it just makes me feel so entirely worthless... Idk... This isn't the place for this probably",-0.13923076923077105,2.1161740512820515,1.9750769230769265,94.79492307692308,90.53846153846158,6.196923076923077,20.620512820512825,7.554174236665415,0.8135189743589741,144,5,33,3,5,48,31,39,0.263,0.6659999999999999,0.071,-0.7946,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,0,8,8,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,7,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35816015641526466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574435442241557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303626506495073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183445274260797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752877891748912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707699074298601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152324088566215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093916085136818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368830583255395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476468021348605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559392966369746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707921631363384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cryptogod365,2019/01/20,"I'm not suicidal So I was looking up ways to off oneself and eventually came across Terminal Dehydration.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminal_dehydration

Apparently you go into a state of euphoria after the initial thirst period passes and it is more peaceful than assisted suicide by a doctor. It takes at least 3 days but whatever.

I'm not really suicidal... but going out and hiding in the forest somewhere and dying peacefully from dehydration sounds kind of relieving even if it is just the fact that I could do it if I wanted.",8.603870967741937,10.108989118279574,9.233494623655918,56.47024193548389,61.043010752688176,13.081720430107527,37.00537634408602,12.45797560212912,5.690040860215053,440,20,61,16,6,148,72,93,0.058,0.79,0.152,0.8423,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,1,0,1,17,13,9,4,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,14,10,2,16,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,2,3,49,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512271803690085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175376907276332,0.0,0.0,0.14165951604686208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279675531604992,0.0,0.0,0.22482653757676646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450802736710384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24967037169461845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287372244458979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844551553687472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071682882424094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7208018376814361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515347151744547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295584045509002,0.1743521766294139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MonzterAssassin,2019/01/20,"I'm not sure how to title this Excuse the title I really don't fucking care at this point.

Just getting this out there so that someone knows what happened to me, Nathan L, in case I stop appearing in the next few days.

I really want to kill myself please fucking help me I can't make the feeling go away",1.7628571428571431,3.7807921904761934,3.301825396825397,90.09178571428572,79.47619047619048,6.104761904761905,21.61111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6479015873015874,240,7,50,3,6,79,47,63,0.198,0.682,0.12,-0.7464,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,11,14,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,8,14,1,11,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,1,3,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256535966294935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448758062469501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489388310261448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144038426272148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440783499045655,0.12548223534600828,0.0,0.1364977604281078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238716222369367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098515161249846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571955758996857,0.0,0.13199464646954062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031958550403752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25543028392648137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636415200082537,0.22704429234910006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077262529580046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035006506852463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079819160105072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263633772176235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166224006320752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Youbo_,2019/01/20,:) I tried ,-6.3000000000000025,-12.954891,-3.01,120.205,209.0,0.8,2.0,3.1291,-3.8106,6,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0.0,0.25,0.75,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rogergold2,2019/01/20,i’ve given up every time i get close to my dream the universe tears it away from. i feel like my life is just a toy for some sadistic more powerful being. this last time was the last straw. i have no energy to fight anymore. 3 weeks ago i was living with my best friends doing what i love. today i’m working at a chain restaurant on the opposite side of the country making minimum wage.  why even keep trying anymore if it’s all for nothing. ,2.3546666666666667,4.239307744444447,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,77.1111111111111,6.277777777777778,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.0520000000000005,347,12,70,4,8,114,71,90,0.069,0.7120000000000001,0.219,0.9381,2,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,6,0,6,2,0,1,1,9,13,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,8,4,11,9,4,13,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,8,43,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189400276817892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293744856769644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338748343320015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271794971376705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298116866666402,0.0,0.18239140273003826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945739182216713,0.1546513762548372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724977078258274,0.0,0.11310041782538754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241490841334846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529156703078873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529042694311698,0.10575983981459566,0.0,0.19115335999906474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953791517696626,0.0,0.14450023189419053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771574045861102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25245922717175123,0.0,0.2051951018741281,0.0,0.0,0.14697382912559107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364497607574333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953370290551484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759800155788545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glumplums,2019/01/20,"I learned how to tie a noose today It wasn't the way i planned on going out, i wanted it to be as painless as possible but at least now i have this as an option. i think i'm going to try and go out from carbon monoxide poisoning from sleeping in a car (i beard that's the most peaceful way)",1.6021874999999994,2.650913593750001,3.7832500000000016,90.73675000000004,77.125,6.370000000000001,25.3,6.742157984588678,0.8342224999999996,226,8,52,2,5,78,47,64,0.083,0.815,0.101,0.036000000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,1,0,10,9,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,13,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,2,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5441506090553858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35980009196400103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31938618531581464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045020823433004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025222808597186,0.0,0.0,0.21668576690020114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824629788497516,0.5066618702575927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4bies_earpods,2019/01/20,"Thinking of flying to Thailand and killing myself there Currently in Taiwan. My family doesn't give a fuck about me and my dad has blocked me. My flight leaves in two days to the USA, but I'm thinking of just going to Thailand and just ending it there. I have 1.5k USD in my bank account. Flight should be around 160 USD and I'll have enough money for a shitload of cheap hookers. I'm traveling with someone so it shouldn't be hard to leave in the middle of the night and sleep in the airport until the flight leaves.",4.65741758241758,5.501000346153848,4.613901098901097,88.44538461538461,69.57692307692308,7.096703296703296,27.357142857142854,6.868970318607317,1.1473835164835164,412,13,84,3,7,127,64,104,0.056,0.911,0.034,-0.2917,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,7,0,8,2,1,0,0,15,15,8,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,2,1,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,18,11,1,14,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,5,56,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841833533283083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334322882025036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832504844656844,0.21378125285878452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504530518338908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127414582828686,0.0,0.19847570358289854,0.11758507271958335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534023918215803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22890231608370065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6572262826181533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416004028887726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207047720985834,0.0,0.175304259456405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651441548366878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210957707318208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadAngryTires,2019/01/20,I've always thought about it. I don't feel as scared. I cut myself again. Ive never done it to attempt suicide. I've thought of suicide for a long time. Honestly before I was a teenager.  But never thought I'd have the balls to do it with a knife. Always thought it was gonna be a gun. But the knife feels sharp and the thoughts of it sliding across my wrists are easy. Could I even do it here though? ,0.10847058823529564,2.3008514352941205,1.3297058823529433,100.66867647058822,87.58823529411768,3.8705882352941177,21.44117647058824,4.935628992294339,-0.35603529411764706,312,11,73,1,10,98,54,85,0.157,0.746,0.097,-0.7347,0,0,0,1,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,7,0,11,1,1,0,2,14,19,5,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,8,3,7,1,9,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912429846495554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891975327641369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973043115529166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790949499437289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559178176314967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769795990039547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548774414581131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26995543106192943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752145210927874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38286284141183136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194543580134666,0.6946879132791314,0.10204914452533187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathinherroom,2019/01/20,"Don’t think I’m happy I lived through past attempt. Don’t want to do this anymore I don’t want to live. I will never have a successful, happy life and I will never have a spouse. I’m worthless, uneducated, fat, hideous, over-sensitive trash with art skills going to waste with nothing to fucking say with them. Nobody wants to be around me and good! Because I am purposely pushing my friends away so they won’t even know when I do kill my self! Maybe they’ll look it up someday and think, oh, so that’s what happened. The coward finally did it. And next time I’m using a gun, I’m not repeating the overdosing bullshit. My resolution is not to kill myself, but that’s only half-hearted because all I want is to die. I just don’t give a fucking shit about anything. I can’t stand this agonizing sense of doom following me everywhere and just feeling so lonely and replaced and just replaceable because who even gives a shit about anything I feel. Everything I feel is wrong. I hate fucking being alive. I want to die!!!!! I wish I was dead!!!!! I wish we were back together and things could be better but they can’t because of me. Nothing I touch will ever be good. I should just fucking die!!!!! All I spend my day doing is crying and thinking about blowing my brains out. I don’t want to do anything. I can’t motivate myself to do much at all. I’m fucking trash. I’m just trash.",1.7574520376175542,4.10671748,3.2551849529780585,88.61436363636366,81.47272727272727,5.9749216300940455,25.48275862068965,7.237678284180719,1.2608445141065832,1077,44,217,15,29,353,141,275,0.209,0.659,0.132,-0.985,0,2,0,1,0,2,47.0,1,0,4,5,18,21,10,0,7,0,34,10,4,2,6,49,68,15,6,10,9,1,4,0,1,6,2,1,0,1,9,15,1,0,8,1,1,3,13,14,0,0,3,6,36,7,24,54,4,20,1,3,1,5,12,5,7,0,11,141,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958881078843041,0.0,0.0,0.22301592703598835,0.08041798839785927,0.0,0.0,0.08487343043359387,0.06946263172881058,0.0,0.22027138990070907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989464830372592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084459615911744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212576237618265,0.0,0.09922960249416828,0.05825909893953229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28126280405025017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933184940684648,0.08171387660079675,0.0,0.0,0.08118796600203802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702944016187474,0.0,0.0,0.09895842144487774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979319251084709,0.4175698227355892,0.0,0.1733166058665014,0.051339900391918575,0.1515387173609343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988362386963628,0.19232821582273274,0.0,0.08918787149270918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704832346792854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988629228885835,0.0,0.04964617720289921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380682653378801,0.0,0.0,0.15953628146794832,0.0,0.07585929591189428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075442382331778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640718577954166,0.0,0.139345031085559,0.0,0.09607311719060728,0.0,0.0,0.17335921709820012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870442445624828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623571503091783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183863083313784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942399105497254,0.0,0.18545674134073853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060015072159959215,0.17365054318516246,0.0,0.0,0.05267551447362772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802110168365388,0.0,0.0,0.3196942691805578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776335666072585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987679843337784,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zahavavillegas,2019/01/20,"A cry for help without anyone listening. Whoever reads this; please tell my family I'm sorry.
Hey! I'm 24 years old. I have 2 daughters, a son, and an unborn child inside my tummy.
Well you see my life is a wreck.
My eldest daughter's father cheated on me. He did that when I was only a month pregnant with our daughter, turns out he had another girl pregnant as well and chose her than me.
My second child's father left me. He chose his friends and stayed single, leaving me with his daughter and a daughter of my own.
The father of my son and this unborn child abuses me mentally, over and over again. Accusing me of things I did not do and destroying my morality every passing day.
I'm fed up with everything. 
I have $400 debt in electricity due today, $300 debt in my eldest tuition fees, and $800 debt on our rent.
I just can't take anything anymore. I tried to be alive for my kids but I don't know where to go. Where to search for the money needed. I tried asking for help but no one cares to listen. I'm tired. I'm so tired.
Sorry, I love my children so much but I just can't take it anymore. I'll end my life.",0.7964806866952792,2.9541681845493564,2.832782832618026,91.3528824034335,83.89270386266094,5.444738197424893,20.47879828326181,6.742157984588678,0.3647203090128753,869,26,185,10,25,292,132,233,0.123,0.765,0.112,0.2604,4,1,0,0,1,2,34.0,2,1,0,0,10,7,2,0,8,0,12,6,0,0,0,21,30,15,0,1,7,10,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,6,5,12,1,0,1,1,7,2,6,2,2,2,5,3,34,5,25,24,3,23,1,0,1,1,34,11,0,0,9,112,39,1,0.0,0.16185832147971746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324555818188073,0.0,0.0,0.2709571576381985,0.09551959599322256,0.0,0.11241686911181953,0.0,0.12771018113044585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928111515334535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500576400600037,0.08810095656084342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099427499259398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509825970087095,0.0,0.12277459823799683,0.0,0.12878200764480174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554311916191277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763756076902274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313112906798995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507626758361381,0.0,0.0,0.14464830803098955,0.14842515657382482,0.0,0.1929807551116807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232941904822412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766888637210908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903932339979758,0.0,0.10042270986311666,0.10129321355841528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334727528486665,0.0,0.09256921906469244,0.10389665519612773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995472795071169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664511984435504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108859010218473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058432831940447,0.0,0.14560611346017566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542465802604667,0.0,0.11940154586737975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907563858968756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140219491046944,0.1294885546760777,0.0,0.0,0.18549593567156356,0.14859044107309982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456542687846069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316853834025509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797117084533904
suicidewatch,zeldahax,2019/01/20,I think I am going to blow my brains out I hate everything. My gf wrote in her journal that she wants to break up with me and I’ve been losing my friends... I’m feeling ready to buy a shotgun and kill myself in the woods,0.14937499999999915,2.0641568541666686,1.9206666666666656,98.39100000000002,84.625,4.673333333333334,20.016666666666666,5.6839178017228535,-0.30883833333333355,171,5,41,1,5,56,38,48,0.212,0.7120000000000001,0.077,-0.8402,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,9,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,10,1,8,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093135340993826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295301340510176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853941826154588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832804073866143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838118124415306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620005857515832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056546797295976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41019846373928864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349407578146174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626541585355727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Halmuho,2019/01/20,"I'm losing one of my dogs and I want to die with her. In the past year, I've lost two of my family's dogs to cancer. Now, I might lose a third. But this time, it's my own dog. And I'm fucking devastated. I can't live without her or my two cats. I can't live without any of them. My dog, her name is Daisy.. A chihuahua-Rat Terrier mix (with the personality of a golden retriever), has a lump on her chest, right under her frontal right leg. I've known about it for months, but haven't had the money to afford a visit to the vet. I finally can this week and I feel it's too late. In the past month alone, her tumor has nearly doubled in size and she's been throwing up quite often and I'm just so scared. It's caused me to relapse back into alcohol and even my suicidal thoughts and the possibility of losing her or any of my pets is just tearing me apart. I know they're going to go eventually but they're all so young. Daisy is only five. It's too soon. I can't live without them. I just fucking can't. They're the only reason I'm still here. I got them to keep me from killing myself. To keep me from being alone. To finally have someone to love who loves me back. The second my dog goes, I'm gone. I want to die. I won't live without her or my cats. I'm terrified. I can't lose her or any of my pets. I can't. I can't. Please, I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, so I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.",-0.9003319256756726,1.0085290968750016,1.906097972972976,96.80099662162162,89.28125,4.95945945945946,16.77364864864865,6.382479282647008,-0.4596646959459458,1101,26,275,12,37,383,142,320,0.185,0.767,0.049,-0.9919,1,2,1,0,0,3,47.0,0,0,3,6,18,11,3,1,14,0,24,9,2,2,1,41,50,19,4,3,15,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,11,10,1,2,7,0,1,5,15,9,0,6,6,1,46,2,38,41,3,35,0,5,0,4,19,13,2,7,16,174,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094041283751944,0.0,0.18227525785327914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952150539672074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532744665200785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039644021517076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265253399796635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058120726506365884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295508055413285,0.0,0.04449357347908951,0.0,0.0,0.19279129174275406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270232354672245,0.0,0.0,0.10002065079439117,0.0,0.07037868005100847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643030997615626,0.09735486866447332,0.0,0.14508139620590174,0.0,0.09926365970886694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108093817075878,0.0,0.0,0.3937814062968733,0.09605835676578103,0.0,0.15884019344566822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335016879245256,0.0,0.0,0.14047561490339078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962857051836538,0.13385030345033036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800485145603788,0.0,0.07683497534041073,0.0919374048681524,0.09659351305451154,0.0,0.09920260702251156,0.08427613136639546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359489716223328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904748525821822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544507923350104,0.0,0.0,0.08809964778676226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455897977659795,0.0,0.0,0.19700930788623672,0.0,0.0,0.07027395917498956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962536702684565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985923324152116,0.0513113504151924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191919827143226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038049957718981,0.0,0.07058532433198497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33930117375061497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666673239047808
suicidewatch,ItIsWednsday,2019/01/20,"It’s my birthday Wooo.

It’s nearing the end of my birthday (10pm here) and I had one person say happy birthday to me. The person I considered to be my best friend didn’t even say it. My family didn’t say it. I’ve done nothing but sit in my fucking room doing nothing as well as cry. I fucking hate my life and more than that I hate my self. Maybe this’ll be the year that I die. ",-0.19202141900937164,1.7475191686746996,2.0813654618473905,96.56601070950472,86.22891566265058,4.6527443105756365,21.27041499330656,5.82211442006289,-0.02256251673360099,293,10,69,2,9,99,51,83,0.242,0.6829999999999999,0.075,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,4,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,0,3,11,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,4,3,13,4,8,5,2,6,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,0,2,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846746158741543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329997098271293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826339805020216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008323958967465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558613732415794,0.0,0.0,0.11622964542769655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658933082706185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595763510118375,0.3253715931101898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732836574587755,0.0,0.3474772152304815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429615162677975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767902626903212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377049871447114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924502712385925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30730868236079606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198264904759488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358001560820492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822241043127236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133219525838177
suicidewatch,NovaK2K,2019/01/20,"I need help I’m a 17yo guy form London. I love girl [19] from my class (let’s call her C for her first name) and need serious help.

[Backstory] I’m in love with this girl that I’ve knows for 2 years. I only confessed me feeling to her about 2 months ago (I fell in love around half a year ago but since I’m shy I take things slowly) after she found a boyfriend [18]. I was pissed because this guy just walks into her life and they go out within the first week of them knowing each other. Anyways back to what I want to get off my chest:

C is the most beautiful girl in the world. A failure like myself could never be with such a perfect person. The thing I hate about myself is the fact that I’ll never be happy. The only way to me to be happy is to be with her, but since she doesn’t feel affection towards me then there’s nothing to live for, right? That one night the 4 of us (me and her are a pack of 4 best friends) went drinking (I don’t drink) and C got drunk, she really hurt me. She kept on making fun of my feelings in a cuntish way (as she refers to it). She made these jokes about kissing me and doing other sexual things with me. I did like when she was saying these things. As a guy I was getting turned on by these things which is normal. On one side I wanted to kiss her, but on the other I knew it was wrong. At the time I didn’t know if she was serious or not (the next morning when I mentioned this since she got wasted she said that it was a joke). Even though I could of, I didn’t take advantage of her not being sober. Why? Because I respect her and she knows this. Even though I don’t like her bf I knew that if anything happened, he would have been sad which was another reason for this. I want to move away form her but she’s like a drug. The more I have of her and the close I get, the more addicted I become. I don’t think she understands why I love her. She doesn’t understand that in my eyes she’s perfect, that her looks are phenomenal, that’s her personality is beautiful.

I’ve decided I’m going to spend my time with her well. Since I can’t have her the best thing to do is to spend my remaining time with her well. I know that soon she’ll move away from me the more her love for her bf will grow. I want to do many things with her (drugs, alcohol etc). After these things will hopefully happen and she goes into a deep relationship, I’m going to kill my self. I don’t see another way out.",1.0506063553826197,2.8164179435797685,2.6360554474708167,95.2360805771725,80.65369649805447,5.91757457846952,18.87953955901427,6.9077264865688965,-0.03978067444876787,1869,42,441,21,48,612,219,514,0.098,0.706,0.196,0.995,0,0,5,0,0,0,62.0,1,0,2,7,18,34,3,0,26,0,44,18,3,4,5,72,96,22,1,13,10,0,3,4,3,4,5,2,0,9,35,22,4,1,18,5,2,9,13,8,2,5,20,8,88,26,64,64,10,59,1,2,3,7,68,25,1,5,26,305,123,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369635048016678,0.0,0.0,0.11985050058379147,0.0722461671900548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177355211100046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563083090836124,0.06018026928404,0.0,0.0,0.12702893967663292,0.05198190064064324,0.0,0.08241931826379355,0.07466129234540025,0.0,0.0,0.1418886263330314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902938024494118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794967366358292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244879245668115,0.15679412417108513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539429625664802,0.08930119957660741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025450744674731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150047530294946,0.0,0.07412229686314056,0.05222927361370595,0.0,0.10595804061410044,0.0,0.11525962382877875,0.0,0.10813527171730948,0.0,0.0,0.2008103484188633,0.11956076225322868,0.14392754717847592,0.0,0.06674315324510742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062462738670496,0.0,0.0,0.06714421444685276,0.0,0.0,0.0723695277703577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479179183529566,0.0,0.1857619403641521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912780532034862,0.04774941626201645,0.132108034233395,0.0,0.059693960086491714,0.0,0.05676880193880849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30506801678840256,0.06396681364332737,0.045124977532295586,0.06853799605423369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395941205569905,0.14370082944679022,0.0,0.10025231409047056,0.10427793160696737,0.0,0.07189568128567846,0.06344006283758331,0.06623577934453992,0.06486611127491071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161796826034384,0.10282900249447346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805522538652714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043307685106501716,0.06950629622825387,0.0,0.07257943779730985,0.0,0.057731889076294375,0.06430515027927466,0.053759963842244775,0.0,0.0,0.05387018192342381,0.0,0.07052381323103686,0.0,0.0,0.22368487483437496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165684656888742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592950558095364,0.04331674483284755,0.1328375897020553,0.0,0.11825811769929755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735317552182862,0.0,0.14075249902140116,0.08131709429487266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949406006581554,0.16097838246193627,0.05422638802234996,0.0,0.12156495014178212,0.06266789458586634,0.12200089829327565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048022646349254634,0.07391236727337556,0.0,0.08706717005683035
suicidewatch,460000s,2019/01/20,"Life isn’t meant for me. I don’t see a future for myself,  there’s no use in applying for college. 
I’m shaking to the point where I can’t breathe. 
I’m ready to succeed this time. ",-0.0627500000000012,1.6729502250000008,2.1750000000000007,97.28,84.25,5.0,22.5,5.985473137389443,0.12250000000000005,139,5,34,1,4,47,31,40,0.107,0.738,0.156,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,19,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400297803344288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357425570651433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516100337515011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304645267486808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894723231836279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jozzey07,2019/01/20,"That scary moment One thing that scares me is on this sub someone says there sucidle, so you try and convince not to die then you never hear from them again. It makes me very sad",3.017500000000002,4.763005750000005,2.8566666666666687,95.955,74.83333333333334,5.911111111111111,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.06610000000000005,141,3,31,1,3,42,33,36,0.199,0.687,0.114,-0.5923,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,5,1,3,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37201787132464903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040028537985656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392703215677261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764612371292537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428971927060261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28505640422307515,0.3588742265623046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30371626757651604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814040538777775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433662209114699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957614637950419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suwatchthrowaway13,2019/01/20,"These feelings are never going away When I was 13 years old I was forced to stay in a hospital overnight for psychiatric evaluation because my counselor had been told by another student that I had suicidal ideations and was self harming. 

Soon I will be 23 and just a few months ago I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance and again kept for treatment due to an intentional overdose attempt. 

10 years. 10 fucking years of “it gets better” and “it’s just a phase” and “you’ll never get to live your life if you do it” and here I still am, and for what? To not only still think of dying every single day, but to have dug myself deeper into a hole of guilt and regret. The only thing that’s changed in 10 years is there are more people to be hurt by my passing. I did everything people told me to do. I talked to therapists, tried half a dozen medications, played sports, got good grades, sort of made friends, got a boyfriend, graduated high school, went to parties, graduated college, moved in with my bf, adopted dogs, got into graduate school, tried desperately to move on with my life. To reach the point everyone talks about where I could maybe finally be happy. Maybe I wouldn’t have to devastate my parents or hurt my friends or abandon my dogs.

But my life is no less of a painful slog than it always was. Every day I wake up and accomplish nothing, the only thing I have motivation for is taking care of my wonderful dogs, the only beings that bring me any comfort and joy. My house is a disaster. I haven’t showered in days or brushed my teeth or hair in weeks. I wake up every day just thinking of when I’ll get to go back to sleep. And hoping that one day I’ll never wake up.

How much longer must I wait?",4.750063217649334,5.7167377181008945,5.320786995226424,83.0123016384983,69.44510385756676,8.472145529609081,29.19223326022449,8.716276077567194,2.113715881821701,1349,49,269,22,23,434,187,337,0.124,0.732,0.14400000000000002,0.8099,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,4,15,18,1,1,15,0,31,12,6,4,4,46,55,21,2,6,11,1,2,0,3,4,5,0,1,1,12,15,0,3,5,2,0,7,7,8,0,3,18,3,32,10,45,28,5,49,0,4,0,1,12,16,1,8,25,179,44,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926117546044414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440060523306727,0.0,0.0,0.060805398852172364,0.0937596283268268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400851917363983,0.06875476576862298,0.0,0.05450667301693525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908047382562436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091164750624536,0.0,0.09458942039411636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139075751431673,0.0,0.0,0.2883270185555899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279885568497348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260084749765724,0.08544005073116373,0.08036061183938435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045211009273386386,0.0,0.0,0.09794997566228478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816391587528673,0.08266290706150435,0.1401472469059486,0.0,0.10163343190945466,0.07499722338267795,0.2145404992878502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518413786289456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944720628680895,0.0,0.08880946406569151,0.0,0.10317313004250332,0.19144163138761405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946978988201116,0.0,0.0,0.0789552554440318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460681958161098,0.0,0.0,0.179659163413197,0.0,0.0,0.09007640211722966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137035566570794,0.19006840357133664,0.06573045664971668,0.0,0.2068875322212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857962912487444,0.0,0.09382620601266564,0.0,0.060590050289657214,0.27201714033522056,0.09514407183653976,0.0,0.09928499259421153,0.0,0.0,0.1239784757318698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452626092369528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098590220057167,0.0,0.0,0.09327954922869576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947976969408677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953047009164902,0.1428141806335779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978057107764075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722909886403695,0.1437370936832989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381793319772842,0.11880696501838856,0.11458729319770368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088010146232746,0.0,0.12141409622363215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172347607544115,0.0,0.0,0.08288878167904326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696696489943014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032181623284945
suicidewatch,kxngdomhearts,2019/01/20,"Endgame It’s apt that they are calling the second infinity was film Endgame, because that is the part of life I am in now. I told myself 5 years ago that I would refuse to fully commit until I had seen the last Avengers film. It didn’t stop me then, and now I’m at my worst it’s getting harder and harder to not think about it. I know I need help but what is the point of that. I had a relationship, that ended. People care about me, but I know they don’t care enough. They’d miss me, but maybe they should have treated me better. The only other thing keeping me alive is the thought of the dog missing me, that devastates me. But I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. The wounds make me happy for a bit, but then the memories come back. I’m on a mental break, my mind is about to snap.",1.8119642857142857,3.258043886904762,2.9971428571428578,94.94785714285715,77.39285714285714,5.752380952380952,20.333333333333336,6.18269132825596,-0.12990952380952334,615,14,144,4,14,198,100,168,0.087,0.7709999999999999,0.142,0.909,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,1,7,8,0,0,12,0,17,2,0,2,1,26,35,11,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,4,5,2,0,1,4,3,0,1,7,1,25,5,15,25,5,18,0,2,1,0,9,5,0,0,11,100,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942414359688006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829178771562695,0.0,0.10963349477925316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906068439746307,0.19634711925986945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364462017209865,0.0,0.3667334532981539,0.0,0.0,0.15492287743017433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929168950322944,0.1858307608369231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396300557680437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145123163575012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205481290402362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985690822306925,0.0,0.0,0.29651879410961524,0.14659988767007925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703175635884506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004974301938948,0.0,0.18068119795154225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812441911287428,0.0,0.18159491836270292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220876045224134,0.1333547981829638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678228776476142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475754398626235,0.0,0.12468375723158348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001421794370947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308913450035256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150360738675046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194828271305008,0.11523915068762305,0.0,0.14277899262011345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185219418664216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775865315861934,0.0,0.0,0.1158160287533359
suicidewatch,Zalianthx,2019/01/20,"Venting... First of all, sorry to anyone who reads this, I'm absolutely TERRIBLE with writing, I like to segment things into categories so it helps me formulate thoughts.


- PTSD

I know i don't have anything ""real"" to complain about, but my father drinks often, daily, and he's not the great kind of drunk either. It escalated to a point a couple years ago where he held my throat and threatened to kill me, I called the police on him and they expressed no interest in helping me at all, in fact my dad convinced them he wasn't drunk and tried to get them to arrest me, I wasn't, but the dispute was just threw out the window by the cops and they left. 

As a result every time someone tries to extend an arm towards me I jump, I can't sleep facing away from the door to the entrance of my room, I live in constant fear about someone harming me.

- Apathy

I live my live in fear, but I'm fairly good at distracting myself, I laugh at funny things on the internet that I find hilarious, but none of it is genuine happiness. I can't remember the last time I was just actually happy in general, not at a joke or something like that. I feel jaded from the world, everything is grey and it's like I'm not really living, I feel like I'm living life in third person I guess, like I'm a disconnected ghost living right over the shoulder of myself. Everything is mundane.

- Possible autism / sociopathy (maybe ties into apathy?)

I find myself not being able to care about others, only about myself. I live my life wanting things from people but can't find it in me to put out the effort to give back to people or find it impossible to care what they want. I really became aware of this when my aunt died and I couldn't bring myself to the sympathy/empathy that my family was going through, the only emotion being depressed that I couldn't feel these emotions. I also was trying to really put myself out there and meet girls but I couldn't find myself able to care about any of their interests or even talk about them. I only turned it into what I wanted to talk about. I realized then that I never really knew how to talk to people, or recognize conversations and interests. On top of that, I've never been able to read sarcasm or get it unless I've known someone for years. Along with my extreme monotone voice, I just find it really hard to talk to people in general, and it's left me feeling really alone and helpless, cause I want to talk to people, I just don't know how. 

- Depressive anxiety

I was diagnosed at 12 with depressive anxiety disorder, I assume it will be chronic, it was never told, but these feelings do not waiver every day that I am alive, my mom deals with the same issues and just about everyone in our family deals with it. I actually never planned to live this long I thought I would be dead by now. I never actually planned on offing myself because I didn't really believe in it I guess, but the more time goes on the more I could see it being a legitimate option, though I think my mom is what keeps me here, so perhaps I do have some sort of empathy.

I was recently helped by someone to get out there and talk to some girls and meet people, I posted on subreddits which I probably can't name but are obvious given my post history. Over the past 2 months I've been ghosted countless times and it makes me feel like miserable shit. how I'm not good enough to hold a conversation or be someone that is liked. I've settled in for destroying my life slowly. I eat pizza and drink soda every day pretty much, my hair is falling out from lack of nourishment and vitamins. I know I'm destroying my body and I don't care, and it's only a matter of time before it gives out.

I've asked so many people so many times. ""How do you help someone that doesn't want to be helped?"". You can't. I have given up, I don't want to improve my life, I'm okay withering away, I wish there was something to live for but the world is so pale that I can't find a reason, I've thought about moving somewhere like Switzerland would help, being so beautiful and green, but  it's an investment I don't have the resources to make, and who knows if it would really help anyway? I will probably feel like this for the rest of my life, even if I do have a reason to keep living, and I don't know if the reason to live will be good enough to keep me going for many more years. I have no immediate plans to end things, but I feel like those thoughts grow stronger over time, they become welcoming, my thoughts have changed since I was a teenager, and I'm nearing the 30 mark in the next couple years, who knows what my views will be, but I'm more of a person for statistics. And based on what I've been feeling for the majority of my life, I feel this feeling will persist and possibly even strengthen. After all, how do you help someone that doesn't want to be helped?

",6.2842945036915525,5.797028013457558,6.934036876440487,77.81220731278566,65.96687370600414,10.18911676237353,30.85581468026095,9.694421846139473,2.663688487831556,3815,122,753,70,53,1262,357,966,0.121,0.718,0.16,0.9874,0,1,4,0,0,2,104.0,1,3,8,7,40,44,4,4,39,1,73,24,8,12,10,167,142,64,5,19,35,5,13,10,0,8,9,1,3,4,53,40,7,5,38,7,1,10,34,15,0,2,26,18,112,29,127,93,19,96,0,5,4,0,59,51,1,17,43,515,165,2,0.11338716721283462,0.0,0.1106495189042178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033503627447996884,0.0,0.0,0.039144969817352174,0.0,0.03022522555148288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025702387305455997,0.0,0.05782724837566267,0.0,0.0,0.026427647899389048,0.0,0.031102659134463525,0.0,0.03533389840051348,0.0,0.07102065071583936,0.029062577538177287,0.0,0.023039921570435783,0.04174240593642648,0.032161375979548074,0.042582836343697916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041982527155455016,0.0,0.0,0.03859365838986571,0.0,0.15414103177605734,0.03882661822009082,0.0399828627697805,0.0,0.0,0.04084374874264958,0.0,0.03017680887389338,0.08364049590840883,0.0,0.04875022837731726,0.07793146038841857,0.09766020097257078,0.038361862646635964,0.03922599268063336,0.0,0.04331717234312909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405083794878756,0.0,0.038674459732018926,0.0,0.08503020107931006,0.03347579168543601,0.07810616935413695,0.0,0.07489115456423458,0.0,0.09553357872523502,0.03611543245738817,0.0679367164294319,0.0,0.07126088669920112,0.08506139108224232,0.210217181701948,0.1080050865502351,0.0,0.0,0.24181223885186215,0.0321490221691253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924011498596344,0.07251420182745155,0.04296036009023183,0.09510377624041466,0.0,0.04166991738133818,0.08327249871146762,0.0,0.0,0.08046849861591297,0.03385754343777818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800308425157195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039448914553105535,0.0,0.10078372404440164,0.041815366938179686,0.039358428721591725,0.12462924353914807,0.030808558287357464,0.0,0.0,0.08213032596207899,0.0,0.16017741891867665,0.18465080831049388,0.0,0.3671174686598308,0.03344802496576347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045787638690006,0.11495679073419934,0.03797088324547045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853178655855856,0.03016818503086975,0.04017087146321447,0.027784204798701792,0.0,0.14575195575278302,0.0,0.0401961795600719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498140011573385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360802937100167,0.183419564929038,0.06600353390888412,0.0,0.0,0.03572917432915136,0.08521799619835793,0.07239570872128454,0.03845183749262904,0.08150036261549856,0.0,0.04418117690684464,0.07599028052975107,0.0,0.0,0.0756119009270655,0.04301980663274671,0.19370326069571697,0.11658089250082587,0.037318716164299263,0.0,0.042815185648297616,0.0322773404209349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030118297327533964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038796765908866285,0.03126501214303743,0.0,0.0378230180229836,0.0,0.22416935058972887,0.058193987277482886,0.0,0.04230921685022013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227261995223834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043919412196367,0.02421797279227946,0.037134105362839134,0.1500279088291804,0.1542729277535796,0.0,0.0,0.03611543245738817,0.0,0.07698244360838216,0.041110892660951213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560502742921098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346321548914138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805469903512406,0.0,0.0,0.09735682418768088
suicidewatch,Lotrfanatic8,2019/01/20,"I will kill myself if I don't pass my black belt examination next Saturday. I already have it all planned out. I'm going to jump out of my bedroom window and, if I am able(which I should because it's not that high), get up and run as far as I can. Eventually I will have ran far enough to be completely lost. I WILL NOT bring my phone. That might encourage me to call my parents or something. Then as I am lost I can do anything I want. There's a lot of highways near where I live so I could run in front of a car, lots of potential for suicide options there.

Basically, I've been preparing for this test for the past six years. An unusual amount, but that is because I almost never got tested because of how nervous I was. I went months, sometimes years without getting tested for my next belt. Eventually, I got to red stripe, my Taekwondo belt right now. I shouldn't be worrying about this, because my examiner said nobody has ever failed under her instructions before. But I have been fucking punching the walls in my room to the point where the cockroaches and rats come out, I've been doing pushups left and motherfucking right. But then I just stop, because I think about the humiliation I would bring my family name if I become the first to fail an exam. This has happened before. I practice for ages for how to break a board and then I stand in front of a real one, during the actual test and I shiver. I stutter, and I fall to my knees, tapping the board with a mere ""clink!"" 

And I failed. 

But then I tried again.

And I passed.

But now I'm not so sure. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. I am certain it will all end on Saturday, one way or another.

Way 1: I pass. The struggle I have fought for the past six years, ever since my mother put me in this godforsaken hellhole people call Taekwondo is finally over. My suffering is over.

Way 2: I fail. I have brought everyone extreme shame, I cry like the little girl trapped in the body of a man that I am. I go home, pretend everything is alright and I can just try again later, but then commit suicide. The struggle I have fought for the past 15 years, ever since my mother put me in this godforsaken hellhole that people call life is finally over. My suffering is over.

I have made it as though it is a ""win/win situation,"" though the first way is without consideration better than the second. 

I can hardly wait.


**TLDR** I have a Taekwondo belt test this Saturday, if I don't walk out of there with my black belt, I kill myself.",2.5011905811799977,4.623973817444219,3.932176117823442,85.95968758267927,77.55983772819474,7.045577211394303,25.11901402240057,8.04050195162591,1.5126070552958812,1944,71,393,34,46,641,220,493,0.204,0.76,0.036000000000000004,-0.9983,1,1,1,0,0,5,71.0,0,0,0,10,22,25,5,4,26,1,46,5,2,3,9,68,73,37,4,10,19,3,2,1,0,8,2,1,4,2,17,17,0,2,5,1,0,21,10,19,0,7,15,6,68,6,54,47,6,91,0,8,3,1,15,30,1,11,35,274,85,11,0.0,0.0,0.07744694665489565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794706902371909,0.0,0.08757916487747941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321914016047334,0.0,0.0,0.07870687917019452,0.0,0.0,0.06530907698470924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189507480052436,0.08765031925544657,0.13506432171615107,0.0,0.0,0.07019022102254109,0.0,0.08815452357802234,0.0,0.0,0.2431158245353144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836429158760375,0.08321071041713103,0.0,0.0,0.06336498514090644,0.0,0.08717664923646395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029215884264099,0.08200330726188328,0.0,0.0,0.2153654286360165,0.0,0.0758348522066428,0.07132644550095407,0.0,0.07481647654814003,0.0,0.040128372783255664,0.0,0.0,0.173876814548386,0.0,0.13501244088162387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733699159391317,0.08292789829695152,0.0,0.09020776816201227,0.0,0.12694785733079486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018053567462568,0.0,0.07109375765369368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838514825769539,0.07960766975136452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560704418892747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622825073971281,0.0,0.05605651132135539,0.038772806540764086,0.07954268520635968,0.07007907973247439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732684182382336,0.13494335537600088,0.0,0.07509529317619319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419171758464995,0.0,0.0,0.06334687687480932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120972266569274,0.0,0.16880713472315853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755699392938843,0.0,0.08444794407677574,0.0,0.08812334116479406,0.0,0.22728320456633305,0.11004077482952518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502379094902077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595636906719669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033259346408036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555132384656562,0.075492491151543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129996867148702,0.08920746031846499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061097599062535486,0.07849214465469176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635111322884732,0.0,0.16593510736089895,0.0,0.17362072138819967,0.0,0.0747987915273248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085267605791334,0.15594770436928404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776468370662966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362083648005172,0.25197896924935603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357039765808797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300641105461846,0.0,0.0,0.08059709012533083,0.0,0.056377275985672076,0.0,0.0,0.20442896211451927
suicidewatch,Vox44,2019/01/21,"One last try I am a 19 years old transgender person. I recently came to terms with this and I'm going to start my treatment next week. I literally had 0 friends trough high school and I suffer from social anxiety disorder and major depression. I've been to a behavioral center before. Basically I decided if I don't pass well as a female, then I'm going to end it all. My life has been nothing but pain and I wake up everyday hating myself, life, and people. I HATE people. People caused me to be this way. I've been taunted by people in school and my father when I growing up for being gay, before I even knew I was gay. I guess I was just feminine. I hate my 9 tp 5 job, I hate my family, I hate myself, I HATE my life. This is my last effort to try to be happy, and if I can't then I don't want to live this terrible life anymore.",1.3310795454545463,3.0577608579545483,4.120454545454546,85.11318181818183,79.625,7.354545454545455,21.227272727272727,8.278499904357787,1.1745409090909091,645,18,137,13,16,230,101,176,0.246,0.679,0.075,-0.9883,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,1,4,13,6,0,3,0,15,8,1,1,1,19,30,14,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,10,1,1,8,0,29,3,16,19,3,25,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,3,14,86,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813929059738787,0.0,0.10551657596260874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107089129252865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216890643061075,0.0,0.10929834549767553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163900846549616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219394190321684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942355737680427,0.0,0.0,0.07027377661274962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030099673849184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220154542105845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209349795346592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720755955396517,0.0,0.0,0.1132608783173688,0.0,0.6302661281794235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241357076014087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558194645509557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345442906662678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30060351508784205,0.0,0.0,0.09394991413636904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315371058945305,0.0,0.0,0.10209015410952914,0.0,0.11164505705234253,0.0,0.07209691096834854,0.0,0.1132132032169002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950472918936654,0.09290117687236328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505354624845123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153575449285978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084576659499478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530787438172014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444722564825459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275531572512948,0.08445245933422843,0.08534472317205287,0.0,0.09566308393063792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685157521722781
suicidewatch,ProbablyDidNotHappen,2019/01/21,"For any and all here, please read this. There is more than hope. It’s cliché for me to say I’ve been to the breaking point, just like everyone browsing this sub right now. Regardless, I know the pain. I know the nights and mornings that bookend your struggle. Your bed is your home and your home your prison. You hate the taste of everything you eat. The sunlight that used to come into your windows to illuminate your room has been replaced by darkness and the dim glow of a TV or computer screen. You get invited to hangout with your family and friends, giving you a jolt of anxious energy to find any suitable excuse to not go. You sit and listen to sad music and replay reasons to leave this world behind over and over, hours past midnight as the only feeling left in your chest is your slow-beating heart.

But let me tell you, time will help, friends will help, exercise will help. But, none are the cure for what you are going through. Trust me. No amount of sex or alcohol or cigarettes will ever patch up the scars you now have. You must go get help, step by step. I implore you to go talk to your closest friend or family member. Mom, Dad, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, anyone you can. Forget your comfort and the mask you wear right now. Forget the fear you have. The world may seem like a messed up place, but I have now started to see the beauty. Start by talking to someone. Be honest, don’t hold back. Cry if you feel the urge.

Then, go get professional help. None of what you feel is your fault. Our brains are the most complicated machines we know of. They are chemicals and electric circuits sending and receiving signals. Right now, yours may be a little off in terms of chemistry. Please go see a doctor and get the help you need. Start therapy. Tackle your problems head on. I have had to do that, and I swear to each and every one of you it works. BUT, it only works if you cast aside your worries, fears, and doubts when you get help. Be honest, be open, and listen.

I have lost too many friends and family members at too young an age, and I thought I’d join them at a young age. Now that I’m getting the help I need, I’m moving forward and into a better direction. You all have such bright futures, so many laughs, so much love, and too many memories ahead of you to just throw them away. I swear to you all, if you get help, you’ll see the current struggle as a bump in your past that made you stronger.

I know hard it is to go and talk to someone face to face about your problems and thoughts and fears. I know how much the pain and empty feeling destroys you. I can’t say I know your situation, your name, your past, or your struggle. But I know you can and will move forward. There’s too much love out there for everyone. Forgive others and forgive yourself. I hope you all find the strength and courage to get what you need.

Much love.",3.4490560334805878,5.219181395721925,3.532436255134467,91.45855208091145,73.72370766488413,6.44688832054561,25.386383011702705,7.079830092131019,0.9233465550647132,2237,74,465,22,46,683,260,561,0.116,0.691,0.194,0.9949,1,0,2,0,0,0,82.0,2,51,3,7,24,41,2,7,29,0,38,18,7,4,6,95,91,47,0,12,16,2,5,2,6,9,5,4,5,0,16,35,3,1,19,4,0,17,6,17,0,1,7,16,75,24,60,70,16,73,0,2,6,4,91,29,0,15,31,298,91,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376950866454338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115583381489376,0.0,0.0,0.0674105653732161,0.0,0.04172292977209288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606230326410937,0.04588285292121692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262040145701976,0.05277361807459091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661189848856784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140076440314298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554513042992509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107518092814713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061057714009045916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397529129524424,0.05027488398014456,0.1140352450467758,0.05362790626170904,0.0,0.1687558224572401,0.2014373617329923,0.12068458473941845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907532572444474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305060078474664,0.0,0.24940256170707234,0.05724128310329263,0.2373844364993604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345295625581043,0.05891216454384749,0.061239043382461965,0.0,0.0,0.07070970907519808,0.35996229056271145,0.0,0.11970854908456532,0.11853233829494968,0.0587633224628476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295530320411906,0.0,0.0,0.06318233588485077,0.06483206215173876,0.061017024871925174,0.0,0.05830388490741944,0.059805414893333325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513728832365759,0.0,0.16156459197637066,0.05646157347199615,0.0,0.1814892541662422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698852491005461,0.0,0.12684037984191654,0.17545843353187396,0.13273453237764635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055996626452971786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043420604885811,0.09076405324434077,0.1269870213533296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088644055844773,0.0,0.0,0.06234286583964335,0.13100035690529424,0.05640781340152895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419302467708906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968654577820619,0.0,0.0,0.0613511073592026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287458188555644,0.0,0.09490459116052563,0.0,0.0,0.14264874524994287,0.054321689385972254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707202757972539,0.0,0.0,0.10111706938039307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670504473577773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714136784563065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388241720555134,0.05215455803704912,0.0,0.06823830057817105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947432617199135,0.03479428900100901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153606542404607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688152100625789,0.06059818576196877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NatalCockcroft,2019/01/21,I’m so ducking lonely The only person I can really trust moved away recently and I’m noticing that I’m isolating myself from my friends. I don’t want to do this but I can’t stop. I’m starting to log out of social media just so I can stop seeing that in left on read and see my friends at parties I was invited to but turned down out of shear anxiety and terror that I’ll fuck my life up even worse meeting someone who ghosts me. I’m so scared and tired. I want to change but my body doesn’t let me. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I don’t even know if I’m consciously thinking anymore or if I’m just going through the motions of everyday life. Anytime I make an effort to make plans with anyone they always find an excuse. I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to stay far away from everyone. I’m breaking. I don’t know if I can keep going on like this. Can someone please fucking help me out of this. I’m at my last resort. ,1.0237151702786385,2.7723892352941206,3.115995872033025,91.8459287925697,80.66666666666667,5.863364293085656,22.5015479876161,6.8360192770164,0.5600529411764708,740,24,165,8,19,251,109,204,0.152,0.718,0.13,-0.8645,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,7,9,2,2,4,0,15,7,2,2,1,34,43,16,1,7,9,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,3,6,1,0,4,8,5,0,0,1,2,23,4,30,40,1,27,0,1,2,2,9,14,2,4,8,99,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376617056729437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540047366691952,0.0,0.12367578238053008,0.08719799742591137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234332564966914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852130574659466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192341513527153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473552565800167,0.0,0.0,0.11916283274410555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139798909580923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926965569170984,0.2305791273300059,0.0,0.0,0.14174766452261012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358843834624186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084526507055843,0.0,0.0,0.1370713541955828,0.10165280680537377,0.0,0.0,0.13549446358402914,0.12752130319663352,0.17616841039269826,0.0609255154641406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648571193517306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254374962847035,0.0916739555385934,0.0,0.09618168602016627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197968652988405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484525325039644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888929657680554,0.0,0.1368907798016353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247406951898838,0.0,0.07989046401253062,0.0,0.1231330661139962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485340996939773,0.0,0.1987505829377917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479700958497215,0.1271230284830249,0.31699137633827296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826821945847045,0.13292101348081728,0.0,0.20852118460070687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981435330465382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333229126960326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356453486164925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29422155524049226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270870337380127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Huicolochi,2019/01/21,"I swear to god I am literally going to kill myself if I cannot improve. I always feel like I have to get back/even at someone if they do something to me. And when my parents yell at me or get on me/make me mad, I get all defensive and end up circular arguing and pointing out their shortcomings and being disrespectful and belligerent and calling them names and turning everything into an argument and debate. I’m hard-headed and don’t listen to what they tell me, everything goes in one ear and out the other, and I always feel like I have to be in the right. And I always end up getting something taken away. They continually point out that I don’t do this with any of my teachers or anyone else, only them because they’re my parents. And I do this at home and sometimes even in public. I can’t seem to learn or listen or take in what people are telling me/trying to teach me. I don’t know why I do this, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, And I don’t know what to do, and if I can even control this. It feels like a subconscious/instinctive/uncontrollable thing, or maybe it's an autonomous part of my brain that intentionally wants to make me this way (Idk wtf else it is), and I want to kill myself because if my brain is gonna constantly be like this and if I can't control it, I don't want to live like this anymore.

I’m fucking stupid.",6.484821428571429,5.084265267857145,7.3392857142857135,78.0657142857143,65.96428571428572,10.428571428571429,32.85714285714286,9.424239791934726,2.6720357142857143,1065,36,226,17,14,359,132,280,0.135,0.799,0.067,-0.9738,3,0,2,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,6,2,3,14,8,0,6,0,25,4,3,4,1,52,50,29,2,8,10,2,3,5,0,1,0,4,1,0,19,24,0,3,8,0,0,1,9,9,0,1,1,7,40,5,31,45,2,25,1,0,0,1,16,18,2,11,10,155,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357728755106473,0.0,0.0,0.06908038835209902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007437178557538,0.07102967356401138,0.10408448852961676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544121474326064,0.07811158235967057,0.0,0.12384894140551275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268019734456295,0.10372829876912744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977587378814622,0.22786947815543504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972026555413874,0.0,0.1799459842030312,0.0,0.0,0.20128519502685213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825937294671204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409128814312356,0.21771421174489045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391247866007832,0.21229312803352726,0.0,0.05773234842954171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909990275040828,0.0,0.104254166344235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189671735355216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477459022351526,0.0,0.1674832077152052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481432832682857,0.0,0.08970025378458703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678078976634467,0.0,0.1020544640268688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883573306473252,0.07725896897111266,0.0,0.0,0.2255933182057689,0.11000523016256478,0.0,0.07042533568179096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205883164274687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675191081482803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924779704015902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607152552650832,0.15640816524589005,0.10046886064286743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637828787835359,0.0,0.17757723402850392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748768561125315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689686530873564,0.11049387734956097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975006572241942,0.08063239977012689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166347418564752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106581122504053,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dln6,2019/01/21,"Hanging Out is a Chore Does anyone feel like hanging out with friends/ family is a chore? like getting out of bed is a hard thing to do for any purpose. Im not depressed(i dont think) but some times i feel okay enough to be productive. but most days i feel like getting out of bed is so hard knowing i have to talk to people. like i love my friends and hanging out with them is fun but all i think about is going home and laying in bed. idk whats wrong with me, someone explain.",0.3520666666666692,2.6393651400000024,1.7020000000000015,97.70266666666667,87.6,4.133333333333334,21.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.12266666666666648,374,13,83,2,12,119,61,100,0.076,0.6859999999999999,0.238,0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,10,0,0,3,1,10,1,0,0,1,24,21,6,0,0,4,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,6,0,2,10,0,0,7,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,5,8,9,17,20,4,12,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,6,51,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543887984526453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897846842190858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896120712789587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614218730564633,0.0,0.216185323011785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059611615742172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389213107123688,0.0,0.2798050074656245,0.2635560057795957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850261188906279,0.0,0.19274509607301465,0.0,0.1048326636631912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304792097849787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502805774036635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924806344928053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137419350533004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604706486089594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648202589599362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278810879814947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629205344920782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826167054410092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254678771167828,0.23638857691182344,0.0,0.0,0.10755989883004548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016776581822931,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kosowen,2019/01/21,"8 months of falling in love built up to several rejections that were never said to my face. [Very long post] *For the sake of the story and the paranoid thoughts telling me that he will see this, I will nickname him ""X"".* Honestly, I don't know where to post this, but because I've been feeling so fucking suicidal recently, here seemed like the best place (however, feel free to tell me to fuck off to another sub). I'm a 15-year-old freshman who is in love with a 17-year-old senior, X.

Two weeks after I graduated grade 8, I attended the summer school at my school (it goes from JK-12). There, I met X. He's a charismatic guy who could strike up a conversation with anyone and would light up the room with his jokes and witty comments, yet he could keep a serious conversation if necessary. He and I had nearly identical interests; the sports we played, debate, music, our sense of humour, I could go on. At the time I met him, I was still getting over my deep infatuation with my music teacher. X was like a breath of fresh air. He was someone new, who doesn't know my problems and saw me as a new face. I knew myself well enough that I would like him romantically to some extent. Maybe it's something only I do, but I can't imagine not liking someone. I always have to have a romantic interest. X came in as someone more legal, and available than my past music teacher. It was like finding my escape from hell. Since there were significantly fewer people attending summer school than the regular school year, the kids were picked up by teachers in vans ( sounds suspicious but it was fine). Nearly everyday X, another friend of mine, and I would talk the whole ride until I got dropped off before them. I felt overjoyed to see his face in the front seat and disappointed to leave. However, this is barely scratching the surface of how exaggerated my emotions get when he is involved.

Summer school ends, and in a month or so school starts again. In that period of time, I didn't think of X much. Clubs began to open up and I joined all those that interested me. By this time it is mid-September, and I was reminded of him again. My crush on my music teacher vanished, I still regularly talk to my music teacher though, and I consider him closer of a friend than some of my classmates. I joined the debate team, several bands, because I love playing the drums, and eventually the ping pong team. We were together in debate, ping pong, wind ensemble, and I was the drummer for the musical's pit band while he was an actor. Every day when I had practiced with him in some club, my whole day would be better. As time went on, I liked him more and more. I gushed about him to my mom, the only person who truly knows everything about me, every day. I would overanalyze everything he did around me. If he looked at me when I stared at him, I would think that he was interested in something I was doing, or even me.

When it was time to perform the musical, I was in love with X. As always, I stayed after school. This time I decided to hang out around the stage and backstage to waste time with friends. I witnessed two guys hook up in the darkness of the curtains, and I joked around with them as they held each other. One of them was best friends with X. The other guy knew that I liked X, and he pushed me to tell him about my crush on X. We talked back and forth about it and how happy he makes me. Since they were best friends, he said he could ask X what he thought of me during the show when he wasn't on. I aggressively refused, but he said he would do it so he wouldn't know what was going on. So, he asked him in the form of ""Smash or Pass"". After the show was over, and the main actors got their acknowledgements, I asked him what X said about me. *In his words* ""I started off asking some names of some random girls he knows and said pass to all of them. Then I asked about you and he started going ""uhh"" and making weird noises, then he left."" This made me go crazy. Does he like me? Did he get uncomfortable because he was nervous about me? Or did he get uncomfortable because he doesn't like me? Those thoughts were all I could think of after I heard what he had asked. X's best friend reassured me that he was probably busy or had to do something, and said he would ask him the following day at lunch.

Here comes the first indirect rejection. I texted X's friend on Friday, December 14. ""Hey did you talk to him yet lol?"" He responded that he talked with him, and I asked him to tell me. *In his words* ""He literally said that you're really nice, but he feels that you try to do what he does too much. Like table tennis and stuff. We went to lunch, when we sat down I asked him about you. He literally just said that he feels you're too clingy."" I remember that night so vividly. I sat on the red, worn down rolling chair that I always sat on when I talked to my music teacher about X or my day. I remember slouching over, and my music teacher was walking back into the room and I was so empty and destroyed I couldn't cry but only explain what news I had just received. When my teacher had to leave, I finally broke down in the middle of the music hallway on my way to the lobby. Once I finally got to the lobby, my music teacher passed by. He sat down beside me, and I finally cried for so long on his shoulder.

Over the 3-week winter break, I became a slight alcoholic. I started to play Overwatch with one of X's other close friends over the break. The thought that X thinks I'm clingy made me crash into a horrible depression. My therapist told me that I was in love with a fantasy of him, and essentially, get over him. I really couldn't though. More than half the nights I played and talked with X's other close friend, I was drunk or on the verge of passing out. And we talked every night. On new years at 3 am he confessed that he fell hard for me. I find it funny now that he told me this, despite the several times I've mentioned how I didn't want to date and knows very well that I love X. But, I was drunk and I accepted his confession despite not liking him ever more than a friend who gives good support to me when I break down over the thought of X. When I went back to school again, I realized the mistake I made. I did not like this person romantically at all. The whole time we were together I felt an immense amount of guilt because I still loved X. I kept on going with my regular life as if nothing had changed, and I saw coming back to school after a 3-week break as a fresh start to how I dealt with X. I stopped trying to talk to him as much as I did before, and treated him more as I would my other friends.

One debate team meeting, X and I had to go against each other. He was flawless with how he spoke and the points he brought. When it was my turn to go, I couldn't talk for more than 2 minutes. I blanked and stopped. He showed me that I had 2 and a half more minutes to talk, so I improvised. ""Mario sucks"" was the first thing I could say. I like Mario, but for the sake of our debate topic, ""Fantasy vs Reality: which should people spend their free time on"", I had to say something negative about fantasy. I went on a ramble and ended up on the conclusion that trees are fake and the government is controlled by Nintendo. The whole time I could feel my face burning, and X's face was a bit red, and he was hiding back some laughs. I wanted to die of the embarrassment but wanted to live another day to see his beautiful smile. I couldn't stop thinking about that event, and before I was dismissed from my English class the next day, I drew a small cartoon of me and the words ""Mario sucks?"" over it. I told my English teacher to not erase it because I knew he had his class later today.

Before I talk about the biggest factor to my suicidal thoughts and drinking, I feel it is necessary to mention some things I have forgotten to mention throughout my story:

* X and I used to talk frequently after school and we were friends, however sometime during November he drifted from me. Nothing has been the same since
* Every time he talks to me now, it's a deadpan face. Every conversation interaction I try to initiate is faced with dry responses and no eye contact.
* He is well aware that I like him
* I drink several times because the thought of him makes me so fucking sad now, and every time I drink I text one of his friends, who has to comfort me. When I drink I usually also end up self-harming.
* The guy that confessed to me on new years, I broke up with him 2 days before his birthday telling him that ""I'm not ready to keep up a relationship."" We're still friends, and in fact, he is the bearer of news in the next paragraph
* I've been helping a couple deal with relationship problems that I got dragged into the middle of for a month, and midterms are soon. The stress has been piling up and it feels like too much.

 January 20, 2019, was one of the worst days I have been through. I got drunk again. I texted X's friend. Since I was drunk I don't remember much, but eventually, we got to the topic of X. I was desperate for pain and fuel to cry. I desperately asked him to tell me that X and I will never belong together and that he doesn't like me. He told me what I wanted, and there I went. He said that it was best for me to step back from him, which lead me to think that X talked about me to him. I asked, and I don't know anymore if that's a good thing or not. He told me that he got annoyed by my ""Mario sucks?"" drawing. Apparently, the teacher took 20 minutes of the class for him to figure out who did it, and why. X also got creeped out by my sketches of him in my sketchbook. I only showed him one drawing of him a very long time ago, early October. So, X saw my sketches when I wasn't hiding them all that well. 

​

i stopped writing that yesterday. im desperate to kill myself

my best friend is in the hospital becasue of a suicide attempt

and i want to join her.

ive never hit so low",4.078338707928129,5.040328102010051,4.829433136907562,85.93727287516722,70.99497487437186,8.058276996493259,27.482375908318573,8.347850449963364,1.6774753624236296,7753,262,1629,116,139,2502,590,1990,0.101,0.7340000000000001,0.165,0.9994,6,0,9,0,0,2,273.0,11,4,9,17,87,107,11,4,96,1,126,33,10,15,10,270,274,132,5,34,31,1,11,16,16,14,3,14,3,8,87,109,11,10,49,33,3,35,27,31,4,12,127,38,272,78,261,120,45,275,4,8,12,10,248,104,7,22,142,1064,359,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021575830189265857,0.026011923646962896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892917774012821,0.060758176313763276,0.026372243887113175,0.029575611689286168,0.0,0.07656744204094698,0.0,0.0,0.024138615217071755,0.017019006203551186,0.0,0.0,0.0650029460615706,0.25029946751208115,0.0,0.0,0.11229516662923178,0.0,0.10386153120420187,0.0,0.10355720255439843,0.0,0.15325918002700598,0.02152664106526983,0.02657283901749861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02783833224887377,0.0,0.0,0.025748359903431328,0.041933293420323633,0.0,0.0,0.027299238949988952,0.13603386482534072,0.026931608218645438,0.08020862778521351,0.14127484937423282,0.025093341882933152,0.02096389826946677,0.0,0.02526094699436289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259997645421177,0.0,0.0,0.09537524302022457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02737908279176516,0.06467371313544633,0.025149596850887492,0.0,0.016076257574039656,0.02201680999896297,0.1230443643839986,0.0,0.04375021957168306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614880326602084,0.017388411229514185,0.046740193106899385,0.07998942848078994,0.04449240873780505,0.041406969687007,0.0,0.0,0.3008788269809993,0.06750546539396815,0.06358289926036798,0.023349025525186657,0.09683038126702632,0.04083026392104508,0.15573456922938014,0.0,0.0,0.09640120998807414,0.0,0.025910249038211472,0.021803746742738758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016314504836748858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02629124123878077,0.0,0.0,0.043268797668730236,0.026928464918026303,0.0,0.09363590950331864,0.0,0.0,0.05154482545942227,0.02644534489731523,0.0,0.01719197319806881,0.19025973187418996,0.0,0.02149255513956761,0.0646200690908278,0.020439364453442164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537738094055149,0.06909293338922416,0.04874116575844743,0.0,0.024452675469613726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028506566880028887,0.05828356690821379,0.0,0.08946304181704606,0.0,0.05631723523591393,0.09403040998024847,0.05177146539081414,0.06852397026192306,0.0,0.046709532128387965,0.0,0.05108120782898632,0.02592117200977955,0.09895997342566264,0.07404628551555338,0.025899342591568862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023235164355694272,0.03374840864995484,0.04250527921849484,0.02542998840847767,0.0,0.02300904877613593,0.0,0.04662174327918566,0.0,0.02624250145577479,0.04657994551191764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03118549376753948,0.0,0.02403268971672117,0.05226383260876997,0.08271699921180857,0.0,0.2083751501022332,0.03871209031890225,0.0,0.24633252470999445,0.0581871861252037,0.022158107632834826,0.025391797467020902,0.10998852060854304,0.0,0.08053678293916702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186929011709365,0.07495209821588067,0.02407275828184329,0.0,0.08613944235454013,0.025943067728526982,0.077751420971721,0.08139689990716965,0.02788124404138229,0.0,0.027863333076005782,0.07987161665191357,0.0276206011791712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934520375701299,0.12764473898997988,0.0,0.0,0.028260470328157095,0.04851099332645015,0.0935760527970633,0.04782760629621473,0.1352619911202966,0.21289164864175167,0.0,0.023071355070193214,0.116288965892124,0.027042496185984127,0.049575531289179686,0.02647479412068414,0.047553041392750316,0.0,0.0,0.02102183672022761,0.026806933086221632,0.060248836702109586,0.0717814431190201,0.01931985947617115,0.058571937574653225,0.0,0.08753788122534974,0.1128165377130118,0.02196295094047857,0.10869840275501744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561313670636942,0.0,0.029575611689286168,0.07837040592470243
suicidewatch,-EternalSadness-,2019/01/21,"Truly, I think there's only one option. My life isn't worth living. There's too much problems, and some I don't have answers, like I think I could be trans, but I'm not sure, and I'm scared to do anything. I don't know what to do. The more negative trans stuff I see, the more scared I get, especially detransition stories, and r/gendercritical post. There's just too much wrong with me, that I just can't fix. There's one way I can fix it... Suicide...

",1.2793498817966906,3.1968819468085137,2.9195035460992886,92.73388888888887,80.59574468085106,5.879905437352246,20.01891252955083,6.937597516519254,0.11875791962174942,349,9,81,4,9,115,58,94,0.268,0.711,0.021,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,17,17,4,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,0,1,11,2,3,15,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820577741925625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290102631275345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314070928619373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190126067037686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529587408159563,0.10579751623102884,0.0,0.19122145743195185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183847268314207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934856624072717,0.16469934055955385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073992049798585,0.0,0.0,0.2072132654784244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336173626798868,0.0,0.17256577859126748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24790291917859544,0.2368753093717756,0.0,0.20409991090930035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775185652331844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718907622859902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367681851192665,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Veidro6,2019/01/21,"Young and Depressed Sorry for the wall of text. I’m hoping some of you read through this and can relate to a part of it. 

I’m a 17 year old normal guy in highschool with friends, a great family, and I live in a nice house. 
Yet I’m ending my life at the end on Friday January 25th. 

Before October 2018, my life was alright, but there were some problems. I couldn’t get a girlfriend or build relationships with girls which is obviously an important skill. I just over analyze myself when I talk to them and it really made me depressed because I felt alone.

I had friends at school, like a normal kid would, but outside of school I wouldn’t hang out with them or anything because we were just school friends and didn’t connect enough to talk outside of being at school. 

    When it comes to my academic performance, I am a straight F student. And I don’t mean just this year, I have been getting failing grades since I started school. My parents are so hard on me for grades and I want them to be better so I can set up a good future but I’m already in my junior year and its basically impossible for me to get into even the lowest standard college in my state. (I have a GPA of 1.7)
   My parents have always been disappointed in my grades and took away one of my only ways to help me deal problems, being my PC.

After October however, my life changed. I started getting into drugs as a way to forget or ignore my feelings of being alone. 
I started with nicotine, but in October I started vaping more and more. This opened me up to the groups at school who are popular yet use drugs frequently.
I tried Oxycontin 4 times, and then started snorting it when crushed up. My friend group expanded to more people, but they weren’t good people.

Last week I just got my birthday money from my mom, 200$. Can you guess what I spent it on? Drugs, drugs, and more drugs. 
My mom doesn’t even know.

So while I am a normal high school kid with below average grades, underneath I have been thinking of suicide since 9 and now I am addicted to prescription painkillers.
I still have all of the problems from before; grades, friends, relationships,
but now I am broke and even more depressed.

I just want it all to end so I don’t have to be a burden on my family. I literally have no value whatsoever in this world, being a dumb student and an addict. I’m not even an adult yet.",4.182775101419878,5.487206088362073,4.965542596348887,83.76901115618664,71.0905172413793,7.9588235294117675,28.73326572008113,8.405096225971981,1.9934908215010143,1851,70,366,29,34,599,215,464,0.147,0.737,0.117,-0.9635,5,2,6,0,0,1,53.0,1,2,4,4,23,26,1,0,21,1,38,10,0,2,3,69,67,34,1,12,15,4,3,1,6,2,10,0,0,5,14,26,0,1,5,1,2,3,9,12,0,1,14,4,58,14,61,44,11,67,0,6,0,0,31,30,1,7,31,255,72,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402133627480869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321017899852544,0.07096696430455499,0.0,0.05351052897396747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052921113618989386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042074906808966,0.0,0.0,0.07840476288090648,0.0,0.1094450365159144,0.0,0.0,0.05687639196838685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803076271724415,0.05539680867693718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663001136314322,0.16616864073837334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37289213213966177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087698202378826,0.06644874711297903,0.0,0.16990287047448682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125025919149275,0.0,0.032516738460490566,0.0,0.06174705881344102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484262124092045,0.0,0.13439591954375582,0.0,0.0,0.10787925937468752,0.05143406010058282,0.07090128283559494,0.07084399675595031,0.0636763648922734,0.0,0.0,0.057608543867078366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043105200158798686,0.06794635663913362,0.0,0.06387369276315484,0.0,0.07420435287024456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035342735643438615,0.0524207016034812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362707823331897,0.031418298879821574,0.0,0.056786332192457725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085105969816565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005173254142888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063666148615967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902851964096068,0.0,0.0,0.06748184238058785,0.0,0.0435776783186416,0.048910156791487684,0.0,0.0,0.14281584017360752,0.06964075662395222,0.0,0.08916800874154718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846060816526687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432675069050846,0.0,0.04119821485089708,0.0,0.0,0.13808834458722827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555914520635714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639471389038876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198904963016373,0.2275924363880165,0.0,0.051357528119206665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034398851898523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337883532102757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120683328782273,0.0,0.0,0.03749929778711805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145005150660091,0.04366182568992859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055542628391017236,0.0,0.0,0.07586263890432324,0.1020915336497798,0.05158507961898647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568351545781928,0.0,0.0,0.12423933429966602
suicidewatch,JustLatios,2019/01/21,"My Post Hello. Please just call me Latios.
Ive been depressed for about 4 years now from many reasons.
Ive been having suicidal thoughts for about 2 years now and ive almost decided to just go through with it.
My depression was just something to hold behind me for a while.
It recently spiked around 3 years ago and ever since ive held it behind.
Alot of it is loneliness.My siblings moved out and left.My mom ditched me and my brother and I just feel alone.I haven't talked to anyone about all of this and could really use some help.

Thanks.
",1.0868020969855827,3.6486809633027564,1.952850589777196,94.92883027522936,87.99082568807339,5.316120576671036,19.712319790301443,6.868970318607317,0.3387897771952821,431,13,90,6,14,134,72,109,0.105,0.821,0.07400000000000001,-0.6527,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,2,26,17,7,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,1,11,1,18,11,3,14,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,3,9,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778118056070998,0.0,0.18953192565397112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234572796287966,0.0,0.0,0.16849519322413564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327129806642968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112096820786056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260451690573341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121039336157956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570330576305422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756954518492376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686727962546482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564822527265508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189550039809816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216770063032659,0.0,0.20116974643155028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077674997025808,0.0,0.0,0.18127346800939664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125463805535434,0.19460658705260345,0.18688657712586096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565705282434241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457134141983002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070365159779205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213235943355846,0.0,0.17425931545766749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502634883311385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347313412899478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656613658447424
suicidewatch,lqxxr,2019/01/21,"i fucking hate myself i’m not looking for pity or karma or anything. my life has sunken so low i have to ask random ass strangers to save me from dying. i’m pathetic as fuck, failing school, don’t trust anyone and have no friends, get fucking made fun of for literally everything in my life. i’m reading to fucking die. in the past week or so i’m been on the verge of fucking wasting myself. it’s pity as fuck to ask for help from random ass people but i don’t wanna let down the fucking 3 people who semi care for me",2.255647298674824,3.765193137614681,3.9645259938837927,88.21011213047913,76.33944954128441,5.945361875637107,25.87257900101937,6.42735559955562,0.9174089704383279,408,15,85,3,9,137,68,109,0.199,0.655,0.146,-0.6633,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,17,8,0,3,0,7,11,2,1,0,11,25,9,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,12,0,0,2,1,9,5,19,22,0,8,1,4,1,9,5,6,9,5,2,49,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663855621234469,0.0,0.10196478672764936,0.0,0.2316723723903506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633129986633698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25719151282658337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113594945653398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573013126002307,0.8018492564054267,0.06473621932829178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233236992951955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830521551887267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670315742813068,0.17503815657711094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405055412546037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724366514555988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828311647914205,0.17180282825716273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394038912829705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254003555422786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993906076797182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,realweirdtaco,2019/01/21,"Smile and wave My boyfriend always asks if I'm ok. I nod and put a fake smile on. I want to tell him how I actually feel but I don't want him to pitty me or have to hear him say ""you'll be ok"". ",-2.199148936170211,-0.8084211276595727,1.1313191489361714,103.69400000000002,90.06382978723404,4.611063829787233,13.655319148936169,5.6839178017228535,-1.4009795744680855,145,2,44,1,5,52,35,47,0.048,0.772,0.18,0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,10,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,10,2,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.3484510827380762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29711278043663963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338144244171706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805464972964004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024464636264675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35895631255861576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28395824617331145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31209695229801626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212210196443716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AliceInDepression,2019/01/21,"I often wish my girlfriend would leave me so I can do it. Title. I love her, and i know she loves me. I could never pull the trigger while she's with me. I wont let myself hurt her like that. but a large part of me wants her to hate me, wants her to leave me. just so that i could kill myself in peace...",-0.7805042016806745,0.8682411176470595,1.2132773109243722,103.66617647058823,86.35294117647058,3.8857142857142857,12.655462184873947,3.1291,-1.802683193277311,228,2,61,0,7,75,46,68,0.195,0.664,0.141,-0.7879999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,14,14,5,1,6,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,22,3,5,9,1,4,0,1,0,2,9,1,0,1,3,48,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552024429734789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961466190530188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381279367363201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460982629466076,0.0,0.12224788235019945,0.0,0.0,0.4710662879620112,0.0,0.22746122793946305,0.0,0.10867354875560913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015237884794854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156038919787686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408821747256088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624032007344937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557964360270997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801586723148328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iweld416,2019/01/21,"Nothing I feel nothing 
I know what I should feel
But nothing 
I should feel regret, remorse
Ashamed and angry
I should feel bad for the pain I've caused
The anguish and worry 
But nothing
I drank vodka
I smoked weed
I popped pills
I even went as far as coke
I used men to feel some type of worth
Did as much as I could as much as I could
Without any pity 
The past year of my life gone in a flash
Just a blur of memories 
Reckless and dangerous 
But still nothing
Now I sit here and nothing
No emotion
No idea how I became nothing
Knowing every step that brought me here
Still nothing 
Two words for the past two months
Self destruction 
How far can I push it today?
When will I reach my limit?
When will I finally accomplish what I set out to do?
To be nothing
Yet I am here
The wrong type of nothing
I want to be the nothing that doesn't exist
The nothing without thoughts
Words or reason 
I am the nothing with nothing 
",2.3306951871657766,4.305657042780752,3.087165775401072,92.52133689839577,77.50267379679144,5.469518716577539,26.508021390374328,6.2272716619740125,0.8524887700534762,725,29,151,5,17,228,102,187,0.189,0.74,0.071,-0.9768,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,14,9,2,2,10,0,15,5,0,5,0,39,29,18,0,7,7,0,5,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,5,6,2,1,10,1,1,5,5,9,0,2,6,5,24,0,21,14,3,23,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,3,12,103,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542305457597519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055771236428668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861711238929792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666112996567134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513565604491078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04411762690369368,0.0,0.05627787163248472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886840481489432,0.0,0.0,0.07317092189527591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540369705900223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734178355206655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717945428515005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053315324324928616,0.0,0.0982043757976989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8972856967841841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107484613526631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752723167932412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867663276628541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968200415457086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066855319362884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530279604744785,0.0,0.0,0.06331407856969654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049849000236513,0.0,0.0,0.05768964231768795,0.0,0.0,0.039397563911236534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061919857858292175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287764579979521,0.0,0.0,0.06783380983674499,0.0,0.0,0.07303011064567476,0.0,0.04301394541550927
suicidewatch,theend5249,2019/01/21,"I give up I’m a 21 year old psych major and I want to die. I really want to die, but I’m so good at making myself feel guilty that I can’t justify doing it. My alcoholic father would be left here unsupervised around my younger brother, my mom, and our poor angel of a dog. I can’t leave them knowing they’ll be stuck with that piece of shit. 
I keep thinking everything is my fault. It has to be. I must deserve to live like this because it doesn’t make sense any other way. Everything that I’ve gone through must be because I’m a horrible person too blind to see it. 
My scoliosis, my disc issues, my mental health, my father. All my fault. If I wasn’t so shitty things might’ve been different. I think everyone is just being too nice to tell me that I’m actually the worst. I don’t know. I just don’t want to hurt anyone or inconvenience anyone any more than I already have. 
I’m tired of being called bitch, stupid, brainless creature, broken piece of shit. I’m tired of being unable to walk every 6 months to 2 years. I’m so tired of all of this. I just want it all to stop. 
I have a therapist. She wants me to get antidepressants to survive but those cause weight gain & I really don’t need any more weight put on. I’m already a fat, ugly person. I don’t want to make it worse. It helped me cope, sort of, but I’m too ashamed to tell her that I want to die. I tried to kill myself in the past, failed, and only tried once more after that. Failed again. Haven’t tried since. 
And I can’t leave. I cant drop out of school for a job. All of that money and time would be a waste. I couldn’t survive on minimum wage anyway. I’m not qualified for anything above that either. I can’t afford a place for me & my dog. I’m stuck here, in this bed, wanting to not wake up in the morning, but hoping I do so that my family doesn’t suffer because of my dad, because of me. Everything is already my fault, so I should at least spare them this trouble. I don’t want to make it worse. 
I’m trapped and I hate this and I hate myself and I’m only existing for existing’s sake. I don’t know what to do anymore. ",0.8580091930541371,2.784717591011237,2.8060035750766086,92.95842313585293,82.07865168539325,5.933094994892747,19.55183861082737,7.075746649084167,0.2270561797752806,1628,42,371,21,44,545,200,445,0.315,0.622,0.062,-0.9993,4,1,1,0,0,4,60.0,1,0,3,5,16,21,7,1,11,0,40,12,4,5,6,58,83,19,4,18,12,5,3,1,0,6,7,0,1,2,26,11,4,2,6,0,3,3,18,17,0,0,5,5,55,4,50,63,13,27,1,4,2,0,18,13,3,4,10,224,81,7,0.0,0.0,0.07377583555938821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079465811294859,0.0,0.0,0.25028331053078523,0.0,0.0,0.1638276705290413,0.0,0.15423416263338785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497604522651445,0.1057241906673532,0.0,0.06221332063134032,0.06730106898485426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434308420840806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719724649152726,0.0,0.0,0.07766322608990693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353862332965709,0.07898713094673761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636972457199192,0.07224015700706934,0.20383636831141927,0.0,0.0712700540092821,0.0,0.03822622271882886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394984905944954,0.07252353036943608,0.0,0.06341067386893293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928100569356995,0.0,0.08036050761128362,0.0,0.0,0.05067387012421407,0.0,0.0,0.07508901941088365,0.0,0.0,0.08093261527106284,0.0,0.0,0.07890797886574448,0.07502249499951419,0.0671977928670335,0.08364149249732605,0.0,0.12464527638652907,0.0,0.0,0.16010144451473027,0.08214089156405255,0.0,0.0,0.03693491251855004,0.0,0.06675721749928362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20185747002939625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618819698944163,0.0802008933891902,0.0,0.08854317567223646,0.06034413199453514,0.0,0.0,0.0560573090380254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933070961134575,0.08051277786453126,0.0,0.11499619182261868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216987047152414,0.0,0.1320240497805198,0.07898713094673761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600005624960281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686408976238972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765124194048879,0.06024434375232174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520702757359167,0.06253806842008096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320596266456363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215750831018236,0.0,0.0,0.08777878442454884,0.05022605752814307,0.09688435319008916,0.0,0.0,0.04408364974094129,0.2606772679129177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539846939288062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40132375528475744,0.0600086891824208,0.0,0.18412371407387235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408810044843266,0.10740980302138917,0.0,0.0,0.09736934859254262
suicidewatch,perfidiia,2019/01/21,"this is it i guess just took literally every pill in my possession and now i’m just waiting for it all to be over haha. i don’t wanna leave a suicide note in case i don’t die but i’m sure if i die someone will eventually think to scour my reddit. to my family, i love you and am eternally grateful for all you’ve done. there’s nothing that needs to be forgiven but if there was, it is most definitely forgiven. the friends i’ve made over the years, i love you. you’ve kept me going this long. to my beautiful girlfriend (and  my two dogs and albert). u guys are the light of my life. you’ve made me happier than i’ve ever been in these short eighteen years. i’ve been so lucky to see so many beautiful smiles, to share so many good laughs, and to have learned so much from the intelligent, kind, gentle people around me. i have lived a short life full of joy and wonder and enrichment and a million reasons to feel gratitude every day. i’ll see you all on the flip side. i’m intensely looking forward to seeing grammie, gramps, grandma, grandpa, grandma bev, grandpa dan, uncle brett, scallywag, abby, and of course demirhan. know i’m resting easy. this is nobody’s fault. love you all. take good care of minou, zig, n bert for me. ",2.5988359201773825,4.570644589430894,3.880665188470065,87.15618625277162,76.6829268292683,7.074353288987436,25.409460458240947,8.00094639256281,1.4798032520325202,963,35,197,16,22,315,142,246,0.048,0.596,0.35600000000000004,0.9987,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,4,0,0,11,15,0,0,8,1,16,6,0,3,6,37,41,17,3,4,6,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,8,10,0,2,6,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,8,6,21,14,27,30,8,21,0,0,4,3,13,12,0,6,8,113,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669490686445708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365157199710018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845400421000445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720944851351501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414715110225622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857537609977765,0.22089230584082392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357682337422699,0.0,0.06628134689744092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127721747443304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449956177746081,0.2198985184919679,0.0,0.0,0.1444067193358814,0.1297963888881716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650656958411858,0.07204179239358938,0.0,0.0,0.13880183062705884,0.0,0.0,0.1851807494323042,0.0,0.0,0.1157519099787606,0.11600755659576226,0.1100797675694838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354932447760467,0.24807470785125946,0.0,0.265802568229665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636376778457943,0.09719908696749847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578117220044882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087897494291572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477890447061394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133772548933643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106928970797288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433875144286571,0.0,0.12354761244644095,0.0,0.09856084380829436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399502966799052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564208693634118,0.0,0.0,0.1280526054432784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215787573391864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883100427448913
suicidewatch,EnoughRoom,2019/01/21,"this person I met says he wants to die and I don't want to call the police myself [u/originalsand](https://www.reddit.com/u/originalsand) is someone that needs help, call someone, talk to him, he lost someone he loves, what should I do, I only got like 15 min to do somehting",5.1702941176470585,7.127396960784317,5.347205882352942,79.43492647058825,69.58823529411765,7.452941176470588,24.514705882352942,8.07648339933343,1.2920941176470588,219,6,41,3,4,69,37,51,0.139,0.6940000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.3565,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,12,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,6,2,4,8,0,1,0,1,0,1,12,0,0,0,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46125024013303706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344037764006057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063837408606698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138710138987532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034225987803672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24654945746316825,0.0,0.2038446462959113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674700098133613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717743297307542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972095101581259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961045096878167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.574103387727614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153519954270625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26643247137707643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redd1t1sg4y,2019/01/21,"Pressure cooked When the rubber meets the road and I realize that every idle second reduces the ""opportunities"" granted to me by 7-eleven and cleaning companies I want to use the thicc rope in the corner of my room. I call it the electro magnetic pulse, cuz it makes the lights go out. ",7.665220125786162,7.8188976603773614,7.330188679245285,73.97503144654087,62.96226415094339,10.085534591194973,36.53459119496856,9.725611199111238,3.5184893081761004,228,10,40,4,3,72,42,53,0.042,0.895,0.063,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,8,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,1,6,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370597936362871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431405418753411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989128666104769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35107965673953456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542570395021554,0.0,0.0,0.3102224251514916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zillakazi,2019/01/21,"Non Dramatic Ending I’ve been saying I was going to end my life for a really long time. I’m in my senior year, and I realized that this week is my last.

For a long time I always thought my sadness came from being romantically lonely- but after having “encounters” with a girl who was a serious 10 I’ve realized it wasn’t the root of my emotions.

My family no longer cares, nor do my friends. I feel like some side character in a movie. 

Suicide by overdose lets me end my life without anyone knowing I wanted to die.  I know kids at school will be shocked and sad- but only because someone they know is dead. I don’t think anyone really cares.

Thank you Reddit, you really helped me in my moments of pain. I’m seriously blessed to be able to interact with all of you.",1.8249025974025983,4.148245824675328,3.9481655844155874,83.89939123376625,81.01298701298701,7.226623376623378,24.560064935064936,8.278499904357787,1.7992350649350648,603,23,118,13,16,206,100,154,0.232,0.6459999999999999,0.121,-0.9651,0,2,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,3,1,0,0,13,0,0,6,0,14,3,0,1,1,20,28,5,3,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,6,2,22,6,19,17,2,20,1,3,0,0,11,5,0,1,14,73,26,2,0.14701621299359408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232926643394194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559430884466975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896197188857403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814738209864566,0.29978565452788003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257961822072194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537345177650284,0.3906381839653502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385938015024719,0.0,0.07433581463250548,0.10502841193785194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358436146936644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355270183421748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854186860083884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423887975654611,0.11983783558234125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033403843912546,0.20768379804665207,0.07182469559291205,0.0,0.0,0.2602094443378132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181245478590827,0.15643561603890405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28254705182693923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691319337122072,0.0,0.14878825637053458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456636018382865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608118753180601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353527766733548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420205303179516,0.0,0.1167144512465657,0.1714526721392632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671397148235684,0.0,0.11792753818219695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171838304002968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467362105199403
suicidewatch,Sdcghfxz,2019/01/21,"Life advice? Cant stop being bad and hating myself. Suicide the only option? I am 22. Life long issues of self hatred. Left home at 18, travelled the country working rough jobs, long hours. Very isolated, no friends, remote work locations weeks straight etc. Suicidal on and off my whole life. It reached a climax, got close to doing it. I instead opened up to family for the first time about everything except the suicidal ideation, I moved home to be with them two months ago. 

I find myself very selfish and uncaring and judgemental. The guilt eats me alive, I am always punishing myself, I cant take it anymore and I am pretty hopeless I can ever change. 

If I live, I want to go to school for a 1 year program that excites me this september, but its far away. But if I do that, I need to be mentally healthy and I need a job between now and then. I fear that I will never feel better or that I cant get a decent job in the meantime. And what is the point if I graduate and I go back to isolation, no friends, unhappy, self hatred etc. 

I just started today the beginning of a 6 week mental health program at my hospital. I am ashamed of it and guilty for using it. It teaches coping skills etc but does not help me change my core self hatred. If that cant be fixed then I am hopeless and may turn my shotgun on myself. 

I like life, but not me in it. If i could fix myself but i dont think its possible. I cant try to improve, i am stubborn and purposely make it worse, i cant stop. 

So do I 1. Die or 2. Other solution (Actually need one, not empty hope). Any advice? Thank you.",1.2743426147888606,3.532897253918496,3.2352618476857837,88.57836944495666,82.73040752351095,6.2607781670662,23.48893601327679,7.5105763829236425,1.1840742393509132,1220,45,249,20,34,410,177,319,0.24,0.657,0.104,-0.9951,3,1,0,1,0,4,48.0,0,1,1,5,7,17,3,3,13,0,25,6,0,2,2,50,44,27,4,11,17,0,2,1,2,2,5,0,2,3,18,15,1,3,3,1,0,4,13,10,0,3,1,2,43,7,27,36,4,40,0,2,0,0,8,15,0,10,22,171,61,10,0.0,0.0,0.08525452862868531,0.0,0.0,0.17074191308534808,0.07744279397823509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269373321110903,0.0,0.0,0.059410423182825835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664147746702236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208122583329079,0.06717741857233167,0.07294517703811798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726623793556242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483876761979007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975293634006861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066989759461612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645270590010708,0.0,0.10238979765993908,0.0,0.0,0.08939504302616523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29230140501860746,0.0,0.07902561643518627,0.0,0.0,0.0785170074817799,0.0,0.08235887555636212,0.09830863531581599,0.0441737945011208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984898873535545,0.07431165787375478,0.0,0.0,0.13499420883173566,0.0,0.04564401299755594,0.0,0.09930179413744436,0.0,0.06987286267969585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625372845405788,0.0,0.0928637018451232,0.0,0.0,0.05855815631872342,0.0,0.17526615710553928,0.08677202916816648,0.08603580768104764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118517590798388,0.2600854629121542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492109358485082,0.0,0.2468307224849705,0.042681570907806665,0.0,0.07714389226920527,0.15462854047210667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583160574429618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608445291481914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697330025433591,0.09285396118616043,0.0,0.194337593955772,0.06738039753341674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059200015069856414,0.0664441551464316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258708973766203,0.09848962971354358,0.0,0.08888045730714705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884168942465324,0.0,0.0,0.27341868971798033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061836592419804284,0.0,0.0,0.1460802039755127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866856616326188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568675297111015,0.0,0.0,0.08043290803340927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055979236291177625,0.0,0.0,0.0509425715127364,0.0,0.08281072764414807,0.0,0.0,0.05931432876990839,0.09502679659225174,0.08534180041538772,0.0,0.0,0.07545432810175813,0.0,0.14416867415129153,0.05152947035792207,0.0,0.1401560435824033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975386339306194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720386661351954,0.0,0.08903124086236762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625946391659005
suicidewatch,Useless_P0tetial,2019/01/21,"I'm stuck and at the end of my rope. Keeping it short and sweet because I can't think straight at the moment.   

I live with my dad who is mentally/ emotionally destroying me. I work for him as well because he is controlling and I’m too afraid to stand up to him, plus he could kick me out. I need a therapist or I will eventually kill myself. I’m too mentally unstable to move out. I can’t live here and have a therapist because they are all too far away, I don’t have a car, and I don’t have time. My father works me all the time because he thinks its therapeutic for me like it is him and that therapists are the crazy ones (he actually said that). I’m so close to losing this. I’m trying to hang on but I can’t keep going for much longer. Please help me. Thanks. ",0.9315740740740744,2.8727445493827166,2.999490740740743,91.59145833333336,81.90123456790123,7.0129629629629635,21.23611111111111,8.07648339933343,0.8866037037037033,595,18,139,12,16,201,95,162,0.086,0.8140000000000001,0.1,0.6469,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,4,6,8,2,1,7,0,15,0,0,1,2,22,29,11,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,3,2,0,0,4,5,4,1,1,2,2,22,4,19,25,3,20,0,1,0,0,13,11,0,1,5,88,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.13840203534170495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332505017785911,0.0,0.0,0.3458240474290949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590702841844408,0.11323678068261163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953552728608866,0.1256160284243945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060316937275888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506319665043723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25212350989318605,0.15690981624097333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928917888866447,0.0,0.250470488218659,0.0,0.0,0.15866738086336235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28585515710941056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073893931987895,0.10425866825014757,0.10516242354715537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610518889398828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568271614323845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349093137906003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057462588011354,0.0,0.4940138867447502,0.0,0.18175316582458692,0.0,0.0,0.16540014228712294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629076553148916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275188996012821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650250873268294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imightbegonetomorrow,2019/01/21,"Pointless I'm worthless. Good for nothing. Can't do anything, I'm stuck.

I'm a shut in. Last month I tried to get a job, get my life together. Told myself if I couldn't do that, then I'd shoot myself.

Told my only friend today that I'm struggling. She doesn't know what to say, even though I know she's trying. I shouldn't have said anything. She has enough to worry about without me adding to it.

Told my mom that I'm struggling. She doesn't know how to handle it. She plays it off with humor, to try to get me to laugh. I laugh, but only to put her at ease.

I have people. Who care. I feel like I don't deserve them. I don't deserve anything, because what do I ever give back to them? I'm just a waste of space and time. I'm pointless. I'm nothing.

I've just been sleeping. That's it. Yesterday I couldn't get out of bed. Today was almost the same.

I haven't eaten today. What's the point of eating? It costs money. Money that someone else has earned. Money that isn't mine. I don't deserve to eat. I'm not hungry. Even if I were, it wouldn't taste like anything, anyway.

I need help. I need help but I don't know what to ask. I don't know how to ask. I don't know what to do.

I'm too afraid to talk to anyone, anyway. I'm almost too afraid to post this. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm going to burst. Like my heart is going to explode from my chest and I'll die on the spot.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression a few years ago. Had to quit going to therapy because I can't afford it anymore.

I'm at war with myself and right now I just want it to stop. I want it all to fucking stop.

I don't know what to do. I can't afford help. I'd be homeless if it weren't for my family. I don't know how to get better. I want to be better.

I don't know what to do.

I don't want to hurt myself. But I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't know what to do.",-1.3291628515369496,0.6577198465227845,1.2892112491824719,99.32362720732506,93.94004796163073,3.800113363854372,15.255679093089164,5.307855941941513,-0.9932432613908873,1444,32,351,8,55,492,159,417,0.1,0.75,0.15,0.954,3,0,0,1,0,2,64.0,0,0,2,4,20,22,2,4,7,0,43,10,3,4,2,57,96,15,2,13,12,1,2,4,1,2,2,2,1,0,28,8,4,3,14,1,4,4,26,9,0,0,12,5,53,13,48,78,4,31,0,3,0,1,23,10,1,5,20,212,81,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978600817077213,0.0,0.157665793840618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602253119292989,0.0,0.07807521583145219,0.0550471752679222,0.0,0.2591397517011472,0.0,0.14719670139066646,0.0,0.0,0.06053557265376645,0.0,0.0959814967775683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925381652452792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026658695145503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780674315151455,0.07990541514525573,0.08170534518885336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111307153519788,0.06576562115309087,0.0,0.0,0.0813451883858833,0.0,0.10399579831468282,0.07121233662871386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421603569890824,0.0,0.07961264374980083,0.1124839969071811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082365108873825,0.07278108448559202,0.20565589775140888,0.07552132510251677,0.1342257063774513,0.06603178433028323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329090190616714,0.1583054961758851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842780035410234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781235856279828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326584945386334,0.0641723438367502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055606628878133016,0.15384653900533074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255033621779583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220315008782744,0.06283848548427896,0.0,0.0,0.1167489293107309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510797852119886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974961428308215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457882040080243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442168629469327,0.0,0.07539791815370225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914155483879606,0.0,0.08373498262707535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723172724632329,0.07488662493611797,0.06260621787444891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878303472936353,0.0,0.06670443651927105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745583387180465,0.0,0.16460339245827266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632771210870554,0.0,0.0,0.09003024745458367,0.0,0.0,0.10088911415844903,0.07734807176589302,0.0,0.04590586843789626,0.0,0.22386963921883826,0.22567871510100734,0.0,0.16034972472754624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573896186876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588922780722487,0.0,0.0,0.0799502568678287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069707853864144
suicidewatch,Edward01986,2019/01/21,Help line other than the National one? My call is routed to a local number and it's the same guy. I'm not comfortable talking to guys about stuff. I don't even want to ask him if anyone else is there. I don't think anyone is. ,0.3875510204081678,2.2995506122449045,2.680979591836735,93.29616326530613,83.6938775510204,5.5526530612244915,15.922448979591836,6.742157984588678,-0.32195020408163266,176,3,40,2,5,60,39,49,0.085,0.8270000000000001,0.087,0.0196,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791888613546164,0.2778252856157015,0.0,0.0,0.2534887091109638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768745337472982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651108689905436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909206129414434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5369623909203006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174617361971326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837383021182236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104019534475068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794015204246825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737420137119699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993133416340688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xperiencewindows,2019/01/21,"Need help So, I’m not one to post much, but I just found this thread and I need to get a few things off my chest. 

My girlfriend of 4 years left me, out of the blue 2 weeks ago. We have lived together for two years, and going from seeing each other everyday, talking everyday, to the exact opposite is very hard to deal with. 

I have depression, and was most recently in the hospital in December. She mentions she couldn’t live with someone with the depression I have and “some days you just lay in bed”. It breaks my heart. I think of the things we planned to do, the good memories and laughs we had, and it breaks my heart. I didn’t take the break up well. I’m 27 and I really thought she was the one. I don’t know what to do, she is so engrained into my memory. It’s horrible. ",0.8580891487029589,2.9875614658385103,2.5420387285348944,93.70558275484107,83.40993788819874,7.018048958713921,20.65071245889661,8.124751697461798,0.9181096821337232,600,18,138,13,17,197,98,161,0.102,0.8220000000000001,0.076,-0.7383,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,9,0,13,3,3,0,1,30,25,10,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,16,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,1,3,6,3,22,3,21,18,5,21,0,2,2,0,13,8,0,2,8,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733379220427936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719072179278692,0.17135364833054478,0.28631024663532223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182239023292236,0.0,0.0,0.08683707264282503,0.0,0.09446011146673107,0.1394077902777986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889015457062751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939157064940047,0.11140604298643007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134383582133188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805860036760012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29353027207708265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218235958858292,0.24648296903652814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252543399000752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918178295438565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647741056148097,0.0,0.16411082594610465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244664228938285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082790872898682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496809471439385,0.1335920831968414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084306212662694,0.10649968504231104,0.0,0.13195097025592434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623615373726522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713940567370608,0.0,0.0,0.13332241994747265,0.0,0.14944138753088473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406562806968435
suicidewatch,Save_steve4077,2019/01/21,"Someday I realize today that no matter what I do or how hard I try it’s never enough. I can sense the disappointment from my parents whenever they talk about me or my future. My older sibling is the successful one and I know deep in my heart that I can never measure up. I’m in my late 20’s and have nothing to show for it. I thought I could get better but now I know I was wrong. Going to therapy, getting a mediocre job, going to school... it doesn’t matter. I’ll always be lazy, stupid, and weak. 

Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even next week but I know I will eventually take my own life. I’ve actually come to terms with this and I’m not really scared. I have no friends to mourn for me and most of my family is somewhat estranged and/or hates each other. The biggest deterrence is that my parents would be devastated and I don’t think I can bring myself to do that to them. So that means my entire existence is simply biding my time until my parents pass away so I can finally put an end to my pathetic life. I definitely don’t deserve any inheritance so I know what I must do so that my sibling gets everything. I wish more than anything I could just die now but for now I’m trapped.",1.9560654857756319,3.9986749876543217,3.9724100912506737,85.40019323671498,78.95884773662551,7.189049919484702,24.55698693862945,8.18289091462,1.5558664877437829,934,34,192,18,23,318,140,243,0.196,0.723,0.081,-0.9872,4,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,3,11,10,2,1,5,0,24,4,1,1,3,38,44,18,2,5,9,3,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,8,1,1,6,9,7,0,1,2,1,39,3,21,35,7,30,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,5,18,137,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.12210953924720493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411878889423687,0.0,0.0,0.08509318528910849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297192650859613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756443708699996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066795940857374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778904149601053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998134070911874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986593905282098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082868337229217,0.1292934905634858,0.0,0.08264766506075877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245942896977734,0.0,0.11796211308499906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707459510886327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667568929551182,0.0,0.196126920863052,0.0,0.14222935160847552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209255323038893,0.12354068703788168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828051399973566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417293857948924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750743004760223,0.0,0.14115291038946334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676706609901546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571063400449364,0.13630404505447735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301706148500464,0.0,0.1330779477629847,0.0,0.0,0.1200663073701209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479181903746373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168285923978528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257909419938749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016194788443946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252776869789066,0.1266389761549891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408273400796724,0.10057533851103033,0.0,0.0,0.1430978915984363,0.0,0.0,0.08017871731714861,0.0,0.09933982001608806,0.07296473320004976,0.0,0.2372185961262908,0.0,0.0,0.08495554984997909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003723214463942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389416068338806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888927829910458,0.13681080664582496,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1888888887,2019/01/21,"I finally did it I pushed my girlfriend away. She broke up with me. She’s tired of being my support and can’t take me not loving myself. Almost a year gone. 


On the bright side I can finally end it. So that’s cool. ",-1.2497204968944118,0.7875537173913045,1.3380745341614926,97.17369565217396,98.78260869565216,4.367701863354037,15.267080745341616,6.18269132825596,-0.5084310559006209,165,4,38,2,7,56,38,46,0.177,0.66,0.163,-0.1699,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,10,4,5,5,0,10,0,1,1,1,4,4,0,1,4,27,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906046531806645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726630293324279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570410346357641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6358244937495905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619269902487047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293282955388938,0.0,0.0,0.21820274819591706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335551483785101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688653470248567
suicidewatch,VoidNomad,2019/01/21,How do I tell my therapist I want to die It just sort of seems like the sort of thing that doesn’t come up in normal conversation. ,9.896071428571428,4.771959321428575,9.658571428571431,75.68642857142859,62.92857142857143,14.057142857142859,35.142857142857146,11.20814326018867,3.1955285714285715,103,2,25,2,1,34,25,28,0.133,0.748,0.119,-0.3384,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316093504415594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39952818112203947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807223615128366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771795169563321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504535456104801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364724107522211,0.0,0.0,0.4469687660712633,0.2557506247682784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270596538922871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bhumi333,2019/01/21,"How can I stop escapism? Hello, I'm now struggling against depression and suicidal thoughts. Recently, I realized that all of them are because of my escapism. So, I'm trying to face reality and solve my life problems. But I can't stop escapism. I lose the will easily, and feel depressed. How can I stop escapism and get motivated in my life? Thank you.",2.605454545454545,5.468592803030305,4.0759848484848495,80.53397727272728,83.0909090909091,7.542424242424243,32.49242424242424,8.472884824447931,3.2731878787878785,279,16,49,7,8,92,45,66,0.29600000000000004,0.556,0.14800000000000002,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,2,4,6,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,3,1,16,11,8,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,10,1,5,9,1,6,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795946158563618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898493810213102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443161271578002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824019369669107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31970581156481426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318848238395714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655279343102507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345865949909674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5676281667293903,0.0,0.2365934702116425,0.0,0.2475517666345418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836035223212507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966874984029002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365296042481455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrizlyInsertion,2019/01/21,"I’ve lost the will to go on... So I’ve dealt with a lot over the last 5 years. Almost a year ago now I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depression, Anxiety. I also have had 2 back surgeries this past year relating to an injury from when I was deployed to Afghanistan. This past year I sought help for suicidal ideations that plagued me for about 4 years. I saw a therapist, then did outpatient treatment, then inpatient treatment. I felt better. But after my second back surgery I fell going down my stairs onto my back. I’ve had spasms in my back constantly since the fall at the beginning of the month. I then had a fight with my wife a couple of weeks ago. Long story made short, my desire to die has come back with a vengeance. I feel useless, like a failure, and am pretty much dead inside. I feel like the only thing left to do is actually die. I feel calm about as well. I guess the only thing keeping me from doing it is my wife and 4 kids. But even that’s becoming numb to me. ",3.040260152284265,4.658939076142133,3.9469003807106624,88.69517290609139,74.48223350253807,7.361548223350255,24.495241116751266,8.07648339933343,1.2699951776649745,766,24,161,12,16,246,121,197,0.183,0.7170000000000001,0.1,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,10,1,0,15,0,14,2,0,1,0,19,27,11,4,1,2,2,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,5,0,5,1,1,10,5,22,5,26,16,3,40,0,3,1,0,5,9,0,3,28,105,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.11423149763970432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752930031590952,0.0,0.1172164475987317,0.0,0.0,0.09361105630018612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895488735751291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500509975551472,0.0,0.0,0.12928111009673948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352808488105694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008349037687435,0.0,0.1264978637312847,0.0,0.0,0.12952219592408326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082168569163133,0.1188111724055625,0.24297496824319356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731555302327654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756377696728268,0.0836260942084558,0.11239381621722172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305325646728408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895233075860255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846135569456428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040463243700541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541770596394747,0.0,0.0,0.1271836095067886,0.0,0.0,0.1143770271172086,0.0,0.0,0.1035924427715809,0.0,0.0,0.1277823837085056,0.09951832994666557,0.0,0.11076289222135473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343439514087028,0.0,0.08605092971885436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805541767379993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348977347167684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908983501999072,0.0,0.0,0.13683426883913552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683139690596254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804220102979486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591309308502958,0.15553596183561288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938966822009188,0.0,0.10524899321644693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769068296412262
suicidewatch,Liftbestestvayneworl,2019/01/21,"No purpose.. I am 25 years old just finished my Master's degree and instead of being happy i feel my life is over..  My youth is slowly fainting away and i didnt accomplish half the things i was supposed to do.. I never had sex, never kissed a girl, i almost lost all my friends and i am slowly becoming a toxic person. My whole life i was a humble guy helping friends/random people but never took care of myself. I am sad depressed and angry that no one gives a shit about me.. I used to be ""normal"" until middle school i even had a girlfriend but after getting bullied and having to deal with an alcoholic father that never gave 2 shits about me i slowly started changing.. I started feeling insecure, becoming worse at classes, i didnt attend parties, clubs and had the impression i was too low to be loved..even though many girls that i liked showed their interest but i never took the step further.. I thought the situation would change at college when i got a part time job that helped me pay my tuition and i met a girl i had very strong feelings for.. but she never felt anything except being friends..(she didnt even really meant being friends..) Now for the last 2 weeks i am home doing nothing productive, i feel i am a loser that will never succeed at anything.. i didnt even send cvs to find a job .. i have no motivation and i feel the only thing that keeps me alive is gym... 

Anyways just wanted to share this post.. hope everyone of you have a great day.",3.873683712121213,5.3563798090277785,4.880037878787878,83.3914772727273,72.0902777777778,6.903030303030302,27.327020202020197,7.348242739294969,1.5253277777777776,1147,41,215,12,22,375,166,288,0.196,0.662,0.142,-0.9532,3,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,1,7,13,21,2,1,17,0,31,8,2,2,8,41,54,15,0,4,7,1,6,1,3,2,4,0,1,5,9,9,1,1,10,3,2,5,14,8,0,2,20,6,41,13,22,27,3,35,0,5,0,2,20,8,2,2,22,158,50,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954488546418463,0.09327239430298864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330265691416653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875138553543082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574516501559026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496868743843558,0.0,0.197072509689374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060071548087780875,0.09602957003688807,0.08022662531383161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608856163351955,0.0,0.0,0.0890051189415324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23548741037771564,0.0,0.08943489210078888,0.0,0.08513387537079775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392893801761766,0.0,0.04866500848039452,0.08935425550030045,0.0,0.0,0.07449746925273458,0.10269393720221433,0.0,0.09222931315185616,0.0,0.09915578747127407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486777505735686,0.0,0.0934331630998784,0.0925151242848865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486632275920545,0.08279256018440664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592652802977656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158373260909587,0.04550649414406642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168000414955833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443555599587036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028802643374417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126343064176927,0.08937622393699671,0.0,0.09774119460984876,0.0,0.06311822835490627,0.07084182921968067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086818180762797,0.0,0.0645757983771896,0.08133160793592982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920824460841108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059671796045661175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094268856433549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912263278774073,0.0,0.10470015283317856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318586205235552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376429978742033,0.0,0.09151559983413024,0.07394762272690933,0.05431425748680705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697755552682828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044834964776544,0.0,0.07685531233368455,0.054940000829742826,0.0,0.07471620702896371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039943277479537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949238642057868,0.06616833828634795,0.0,0.0,0.05998305382898534
suicidewatch,SomeTruthatYa,2019/01/21,"These clips helped me when I was on the brink... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKFwtgUJHs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKFwtgUJHs)

​

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1g7jNePGTU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1g7jNePGTU)

​

I think we can all take inspiration from Guile.",37.69463768115943,49.36432339130435,12.53913043478261,18.818550724637703,10.739130434782595,8.284057971014493,29.40579710144928,8.841846274778883,3.191214492753624,270,5,18,3,3,49,21,23,0.0,0.821,0.179,0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117201869656097,0.5738775057612464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828121226711306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754962833133747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513104568000498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738775057612464,0.0
suicidewatch,annie_M4E,2019/01/21,"I wish it would've been me You've seen me at my worse but never at my best. You believed in me when no one else did. You were the light in our lives. You were and still are my biggest inspiration. 

I wish it was me and not you. Going through all that suffering while we tried our best to be there for you. You were still the one taking care of us no matter what. 

You're the one who lost your life when I was the one asking for it. Maybe it's selfish for me to say but you were the strong one between us two. 

All I wanted is for you too finally see me happy after all I put you through but I think I just will never be. 

I think maybe it's my turn to follow you and be with you again. I just want to talk to you again. Listen to your life stories. See the light in your eyes when you tell me your biggest dreams. 

I wish it would've been me. So you could keep making people happy instead of me bringing them down with me.

I wish it would've been me. I miss you and love you always.",0.08386683738796563,1.957353248826294,1.647880921895009,100.49246158770808,84.5868544600939,4.436107554417414,15.785104566794708,5.238671369647483,-1.0629136150234744,754,13,187,3,22,243,99,213,0.12,0.6890000000000001,0.192,0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,5,20,1,4,13,12,0,0,6,0,17,4,1,1,5,31,41,12,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,10,7,0,1,3,1,0,4,5,4,0,6,12,8,53,8,24,24,5,24,0,3,4,1,33,8,0,0,12,147,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924277034777757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002667201769533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083697325491005,0.22511001212754556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935119248441187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563248857782695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959580032869686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174900010049194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060954134681694624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283448133100436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953310552056572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151139244377088,0.0,0.0,0.09470602701777722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707890258862474,0.0,0.0967996755395699,0.0,0.0715919556209383,0.0,0.21549934185524355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543966246866884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633857497813028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435546124354181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781850487709004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529158696694514,0.0,0.0,0.17093290166375996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130415921702552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064062129355798,0.08620559202342665,0.0937435158435158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744629441631415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281748765568392,0.1166600504687152,0.1047702237745636,0.0,0.25802338856858903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652074631907584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933408723875236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929958101042657,0.22856754867802054,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drowning-My-Sorrows,2019/01/21,"Loneliness is a bitch Honestly sad my first and only attempt so far failed

I built up so much courage to OD and I just fucked everything up for myself and now I’m too scared to do anything again 

I really want to die but I’m scared of failing again 

And now I have no one to talk about things with because I’m alone ",0.930341151385928,3.04773017910448,2.4085287846481904,94.8423880597015,83.02985074626865,6.216631130063965,21.51172707889127,7.447530270364453,0.6472831556503191,250,8,57,4,7,81,48,67,0.368,0.562,0.069,-0.9717,0,1,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,4,9,9,2,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,8,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,6,2,10,8,1,8,0,3,0,1,1,3,2,0,5,38,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28705690570088577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280812357722342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895577195383707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876510605190666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24909590801455336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235754398796022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562323932371619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037464301055507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781257693402406,0.21079467607449173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755748343570207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5549763052835731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227728301644584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841345414894212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347770527670952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon0670143,2019/01/21,"I wish someone would kill me I just ruined the best relationship I had by cheating on him. I miss my boyfriend so much, I cheated in him because i was scared of missing out but he is so kind so loyal, and an amazing person. I hurt him in an unimaginable way and it’s literally making me cry at night and making me want to walk in front a car. I fucked up. I just want to hug him, i just want to hug him so tight and not let go. I won't to take up next to him and sleep next to him. I want him back so bad I'm letting it kill me",-0.07023682200152948,1.3766739243697472,2.412284186401834,97.03605805958748,82.86554621848741,5.335676088617267,20.06187929717341,6.11248444174946,-0.23729243697479066,403,11,104,3,11,139,70,119,0.266,0.507,0.227,-0.8017,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,9,17,5,1,4,0,7,4,1,2,0,20,20,11,2,6,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,11,0,0,2,1,25,6,16,14,2,17,0,4,0,3,11,8,1,0,4,72,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572195021220486,0.1365162596406155,0.09966851249743276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158390320160838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795978475600196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115376759417773,0.0,0.0,0.0929212187953315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750308868104731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617786119211925,0.1702608245833141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343810977149494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182759810135302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019183115466928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34776971029040715,0.15343433624452216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276250950249908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553856924671107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369272910678642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361878372674787,0.0,0.13853361716711526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293218260156005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857478089798593,0.12977924967276572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801774228766036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614621010334422,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stanimirovadoisa,2019/01/21,"I'm neutral Streee free, neither happy and neither sad. Just lost middle of nowhere in life not knowing what to do. I'm agnostic and I seem to be accepting things without judging when I smoke weed. But when I'm sober I don't accept anything and think too deeply about everything. Suicide is an option for me at the moment.",4.158571428571431,5.930388984126985,4.682730158730159,83.93171428571429,71.85714285714286,6.9447619047619025,31.647619047619052,7.554174236665415,2.184100952380952,258,12,47,3,5,82,50,63,0.14300000000000002,0.706,0.15,-0.1355,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,11,6,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,8,9,2,6,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836442485393881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097783182549109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36692082696737416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942843427452485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24345937446349505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37626155931049854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31378591400961137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37702660428467255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289916725243813,0.22085856595463532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33226153613728954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kakarrott,2019/01/21,The only thing that keeps me alive is my brother. I would end it all if I wouldnt be sure that I would be seen dead by my lil bro and that is the only thing that keeps me from doing that. Even now.,1.8746666666666696,1.9568773555555552,3.108888888888892,99.49000000000002,75.44444444444444,6.0,17.22222222222222,3.1291,-1.0581111111111112,151,1,41,0,3,49,29,45,0.134,0.8109999999999999,0.055,-0.5664,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,2,9,11,2,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,2,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627044375658391,0.0,0.0,0.1959051366962697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272731966962277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511636996038253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795471754222199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941030319658732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42140007713991584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlbatrossNeckguard,2019/01/21,"Pulling out of a Tail-Spin I don't understand why, but after years of battling my depression to a stand-still I've been in a freefall the last few months.

​

Not much has actually changed (and the things that have changed should have, in theory, helped with my depression instead of getting much worse), and aside from a few instances which triggered periods of really deep depression I can't really think of any inciting incidents that might have caused a decline this sharp. Later this week I'm going to be asking my doctor to up my medication for the second time in about three months, despite not feeling the need to change the dosage for about five years before that.

​

As I've said in previous posts, I really don't care about my own well-being anymore (and this isn't a recent development; to be blunt I've been perfectly okay with the prospect of randomly dropping dead for most of my life), but I haven't pulled the trigger on actually doing myself in yet because I'm worried about what the trauma of having their brother/close friend suddenly up and kill himself will do to them (in particular, the chain reaction that might happen because I have one younger sibling who I am convinced will follow me to the grave if I go through with it, meaning the other people I care about will have to deal with TWO sudden deaths). Honestly, I'm only living for their sake and while we're starting to drift apart as time goes on, the last thing I want is for them to hurt because I finally ended my own pain, especially since they're in the middle of, or approaching, critical moments of their own lives.

​

I just don't know. Does anyone have any ideas about how I might be able to pull myself out of this tail-spin, or at least slow down a bit? Any tips or tricks or anything? Because I'm getting really desperate here.",10.973114285714278,7.862275168571433,9.803428571428572,69.30457142857145,58.74285714285714,13.2,41.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,4.479742857142859,1479,58,270,28,14,464,193,350,0.173,0.759,0.068,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,5,1,11,17,3,0,20,1,30,4,0,4,1,40,52,16,4,4,10,0,2,0,1,7,4,1,0,0,15,11,0,0,6,0,0,8,8,10,0,5,3,3,28,7,57,39,10,50,0,5,0,0,12,18,0,10,22,184,43,1,0.08415058627503412,0.0,0.16423766667285494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27353137521376764,0.3067565191944832,0.17167585294075194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345476964777117,0.05884004652209088,0.0,0.06924876240972155,0.0,0.07866943867301597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518966534302996,0.0,0.07160595093651194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918706454015746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159426209995735,0.08644583245028098,0.2670604869283105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675555940971648,0.21743632995487475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613169081815011,0.07364074513007618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745324422223899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04254906486286762,0.0,0.0,0.09218285401613846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501453421153665,0.0,0.08793041628268107,0.0,0.0956494348622472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441408553143371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640436416192605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008494305124652,0.09499576905994812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310015576670652,0.0,0.046246961488805034,0.13718791848657627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594380477145506,0.0,0.0,0.14861301878212904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166465804321457,0.0,0.0847728625814125,0.0,0.2678114214927956,0.0,0.0,0.13433639024261848,0.0,0.12372072680540805,0.0623965934547308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057022615094253465,0.06400031283280917,0.08954215685411178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058339420976165124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059300028094063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156360814667917,0.0,0.08308855194422493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004647783791494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961023455487264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059562218086159725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181182065987574,0.0539202978332929,0.0,0.0,0.09813776715612224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822028952322876,0.08760372804212982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963419605152576,0.0,0.06750052442471599,0.0,0.07566148314039177,0.0,0.07593281532681426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545900512896061,0.08575663659997229,0.0,0.0,0.3067565191944832,0.1083804371515521
suicidewatch,DlrsBrwnMmmth,2019/01/21,"I thought it was a new beginning... Or was it? I'm at a point in life when there's no propensity for any sort of bullshit, or lemons for that matter. Ever since my mother died ten years ago I thought my life couldn't be worse. I persevered over time. Carried myself to a respectable qualification by borrowing loans to finish a bachelor's degree. Stayed unemployed and on less than a dollar a day for nearly three years. But I was still dangerously optimistic. Never had any sort of relationship because I felt I might get myself into hot waters, but who was I kidding. I was single because no girl would like to date a guy who's broke.

Things started to change with my first job 4 years ago. I had money, friends, etc. Found myself a decent woman back in 2017 and tied the knot despite my father's disapproval. I love her, and she loves me. Or does she? I can't be sure. On one end she's this extremely caring partner, on the other she's this absolutely apathtic woman who wouldn't bat an eye if I was laying bleeding. But what's the difference between these two faces you ask? A disagreement. I could do as little as make a bad joke and she'd flip out and stop talking to me.

But this time it was her fault. She humiliated and degraded me all because of my present unemployment. (I was fired two months ago). I've stopped talking to her and she gives zero fucks. Sex has become a rare commodity as well. 

It's the same feeling I had when my mother died. The feeling of being alone. And I quite literally am. I moved to a new town because of her; she was pursuing PhD and couldn't switch towns so I relocated to facilitate her. But to what end? So she could treat me like I'm worthless? I have no friend in this new town and she doesn't seem to care.

Then there's tinnitus. It's like two college bells are constantly ringing right next to my ear. It's has already debilitated my productivity, and anxiety only helps to intensify it. I've told my wife about it. I thought she understood. But she still does things to agitate me. I want to go away from her for the time being, but I don't know where. All my friends are friends for benefits. My family, or what's left of it, thinks I'll be a burden on them. I've never been this depressed and anxious for happiness.

I have never had the courage to kill myself. Not when my mother died. Not when I was broke and jobless. But now I think I'm starting to develop some.

What is the most painless way to exit this world of pain and suffering? A few hundred sleeping pills? Slashing the wrist won't work. I've extensively Googled each method. Most result in a condition worst than death.",1.9803956043956068,4.441818292307693,3.462197802197803,86.77923076923078,81.46153846153845,6.637362637362639,24.09340659340659,7.83500028581142,1.3961675824175823,2072,77,416,38,56,680,262,520,0.215,0.652,0.132,-0.995,6,1,1,0,0,1,66.0,0,1,1,3,16,33,3,0,25,0,41,15,5,2,7,71,71,37,5,8,15,5,5,3,5,4,5,2,0,6,27,18,1,2,12,1,4,2,15,14,1,8,22,8,66,19,54,35,12,68,0,5,1,4,47,24,1,12,43,283,93,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158214781937662,0.0,0.0,0.08405383628926445,0.08955840528773958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037863944697243,0.0,0.062084631699881626,0.09168393867060813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587053267573972,0.0,0.07624936455794648,0.062404471019802774,0.06776243093664347,0.1978894151493712,0.08963116771506913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654892711734809,0.0,0.08585299764715927,0.0,0.0,0.08770153065063052,0.0,0.12959399711654845,0.0,0.0,0.05233933930988595,0.0,0.06990012239824125,0.0,0.25268343665450776,0.08479144858890114,0.0,0.0,0.14204150058525056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437614450648457,0.0,0.09051114172088873,0.0,0.07341085584200739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765072873014113,0.0,0.0820705033734444,0.0,0.07792313187877342,0.0,0.0,0.0690318234723926,0.0,0.08898410157208587,0.2508057728896102,0.07502803522728972,0.042401011334881,0.077852874551834,0.04612320677217025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035786439728243,0.0,0.08639278610590022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439760631811398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053547396286506,0.0,0.08978783285302888,0.0,0.04460158432519222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817696124190637,0.0,0.11464671459148988,0.11894715120355492,0.08134030564634988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649412951903945,0.0,0.05417270853851077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609440357036206,0.0,0.0,0.06477848105543607,0.08625669835283341,0.0,0.0,0.18777908504996085,0.2351448576843107,0.08631104103440837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499386108177028,0.06172330587258604,0.08635642063868372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671928689243318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632011010421807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713189334817201,0.0,0.06930735418249033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388198586636023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713363746388225,0.0,0.08121528205804111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488621985288335,0.0865022137724781,0.12962364567653278,0.13570122295993353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648920260896296,0.0,0.0,0.13046131707314448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783377301278296,0.1040038364999721,0.0,0.1932879960779841,0.14196932370441548,0.0,0.0,0.07754867768332406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378348271182314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047868307653923005,0.064418388447729,0.0,0.0,0.07296959436507379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590830235545825,0.0,0.08270558185069986,0.0576513710630496,0.0,0.0,0.15678670720841714
suicidewatch,margotmontana,2019/01/21,"I’m getting pretty close I opened up about my mental health/suicidal ideations to my roommates, a few friends, and a few managers at work. Ever since, our relationships haven’t been the same. I feel like they feel very awkward around me.  Only one of my friends has been truly supportive—texting me to see how I am, inviting me to do things, not acting any different than before around me. (Her close friend killed himself about 7 years back.) No one knows what to say to me so I’ve felt the distance widening. I thought I was doing the right thing but I want to go back to before, where I just used dark humor to express my pain, and keep my friendships the same. 
My boyfriend, who has anxiety-under control, has been so supportive of me. He just told me last week that he accepted a job offer in Pacific Northwest US, and I live in a south eastern state.  This news has definitely “triggered” me. I was not great but “ok” before and now I feel myself spiraling. I’ve been researching gun ownership, drug combinations, carbon monoxide, and flights to a tropical place so I can do it somewhere wan and sunny, without scaring the shit out of my roommates. 
My mom is definitely on Suicide watch for me, which makes me feel guilty but the pain of being alive that’s been building (for a long time) is getting to be too much. Thanks for reading/listening",4.5091406250000015,6.2798841328125015,4.75121875,83.79690625000002,70.953125,7.620000000000001,30.76875,8.238735603445708,2.2631678125,1062,46,199,16,20,333,160,256,0.12,0.698,0.182,0.9107,2,0,1,1,0,1,35.0,2,0,1,2,16,16,2,2,12,1,21,4,1,5,1,39,40,13,2,1,8,1,5,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,9,12,0,2,8,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,10,8,35,10,29,28,5,27,1,0,2,0,17,15,1,0,10,137,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009195373568972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096918352509232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811254797435475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006569864212528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320961863241054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305121374189318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658316938902199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653544742450104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820503648837,0.08413944483441366,0.11308376158003013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729811373771586,0.0,0.12306655908043602,0.0,0.06693501136536496,0.0,0.0,0.1298488368186599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251907479099482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687484982661753,0.10468502747163433,0.13030207639671865,0.0,0.06472679942803447,0.09600344106909244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057539573350536326,0.0,0.1039986709335932,0.10422835965667104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861662524093409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869085507965853,0.0,0.0,0.1379382325252108,0.0,0.0,0.0865791655411004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596165997180682,0.08957421803945931,0.2506446711511057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305121374189318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198208848427929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644771861493095,0.0,0.1005803556292944,0.0,0.09366047722299924,0.1179146682021442,0.0,0.0938524988938494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089572627394407,0.09742581015322173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576564124391207,0.13365120128189795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843263528378706,0.0,0.0,0.15649074137091246,0.0,0.0,0.09350126266643163,0.06867633425568002,0.0,0.0,0.11254034542182548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167044234617895,0.1017209478021449,0.0,0.09717781966244997,0.06946754011885807,0.0,0.09447308028622282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353219430638145,0.0,0.08574258231134745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758441051216884
suicidewatch,thesunsethm,2019/01/21,"I have never been this close to the edge and I am desperate. I feel like I guess I kind of need to vent and I’m suicidal so this feels like a safe place? I’m tired of going to the hospital and seeing therapist and talking to my friends and family.... I KNOW I’m emotionally draining. I’m just SO sad. I have fear and anxiety that is all consuming. I feel like I’m sinking into darkness and I want out. I just want a hug, I want to cuddle, I want someone to tell me it’ll be okay but in the end, when people say that I don’t believe it. I know my mind is poisoned with negative thoughts. If only I could switch up my thoughts. If only I could find the motivation to live. I strongly believe in the healing power of thought but I feel like I can’t grasp it. Or maybe I’m scared to feel better. I keep telling myself I want to kill myself so hopefully the thoughts turn into actions... that’s so bad but I need to stop I want to. I feel like a drug addict and my drug is negative thoughts. I don’t know why but I feel like I deserve it. If you got this far thanks for reading.",-0.4105450986297257,1.763585563318781,2.0206595392260205,94.64008733624458,90.7467248908297,5.254690558650807,21.43366962806806,6.8039241337230125,0.5019410028610151,830,31,190,12,29,282,112,229,0.194,0.615,0.191,-0.8939,1,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,0,4,7,21,2,2,9,1,14,8,0,1,2,59,51,21,2,14,10,0,7,6,1,1,6,1,0,0,10,13,0,3,18,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,7,9,35,15,22,40,1,15,0,1,1,2,6,9,0,6,10,116,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982002668793569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891079244198467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521286163397285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029781516013863,0.0,0.07966825359527592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384276418350178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892791486139192,0.0,0.0,0.10132763882887087,0.07978395643798475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491920868617954,0.10136480690929496,0.318829337318207,0.3861181178944459,0.0,0.0,0.08233129571029273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959542194916665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119442028745782,0.0,0.07204503664377067,0.0,0.0992330438680608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946955629587358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006705586308514,0.09965994069934192,0.09380423895866116,0.1485164896302119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26405061039185224,0.0,0.0795421045056599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904972561436514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095490857804957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358604510011338,0.06947508693926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701947819808105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062449983966597615,0.0,0.09411420756766964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010416641442366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163506418345326,0.09018558387995268,0.0,0.07178192959695329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632431336072187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531073756481102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853266921974622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240272267373822,0.1574674129779143,0.08293336761076914,0.0,0.10458957855983407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575664544392798,0.0,0.10353346680854753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798094396121457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31878836255976484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812829990485428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Savage_Slaps,2019/01/21,"I remember everything. Everything I've done wrong, every person I've hurt  every time I've been hurt, I remember it. I remember breaking that kid's leg playing rugby. I remember every time I've made people cry. If I've done all these things, what other things will I end up doing. It can only get worse. But its not guilt that makes me feel this way, it's a complete loss of hope for the future. I cannot see myself ever getting lucky enough to be I  a relationship because who wants a depressed autist anyway? My life is going to be shit. I will end up in a job I hate, taking to people I hate and going home and hating myself.
I have no future, I hate myself and I want to get away from the empty, numbing pain that I feel every day.
Every time I think about my life I only come back to my inevitable and depressing conclusions. This is meant to be the best time of my life and I want to die more than ever. Music doesn't even help me anymore, it used to. Now I just dont want to interact with anyone ever again and I want the pain to end.
Maybe someone can show me some purpose because I need it and i can't find it and I am so close to the limits of what I can take. ",1.8503135888501767,3.424120918699188,3.800522648083625,88.67914634146345,77.6178861788618,6.311730545876888,20.657375145180023,7.07126945348624,0.4513521486643439,910,22,194,10,21,309,129,246,0.236,0.691,0.07200000000000001,-0.9925,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,4,11,19,5,1,9,0,20,8,2,3,4,42,47,11,1,8,4,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,19,11,0,1,10,2,0,3,6,15,0,0,5,3,33,4,23,37,5,26,0,5,1,0,6,5,1,4,16,131,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154236012497547,0.05749169620292378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725049332111374,0.06322382094160682,0.0,0.10024381863338708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628715951486543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708271722001684,0.08620844564827096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031726072071676,0.05302653740434977,0.0,0.1416357754527048,0.0,0.08533369534203683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828378006230033,0.09636384325380386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847347744207776,0.08495754478751713,0.0,0.05430700861568438,0.22312414779314585,0.3463788823330664,0.0,0.14779208035669994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314806175063362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514963023976272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887316747844282,0.0,0.09345757823316986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247097253344818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055111828772927036,0.0,0.08247560243799001,0.08166522845710512,0.0,0.0,0.17604119930175452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815928779151073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422798165957676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780066373388418,0.0548839781603758,0.0,0.08260328321370371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060966743009795474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506742464571385,0.17498050336443588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400508550437426,0.0717932813062919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827590609012458,0.3725670412342089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552047335790119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439993932793599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966663014201745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364177118861512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092495945403434,0.05268468611830539,0.0,0.0,0.191777778192435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101360889654126,0.0,0.0,0.24248401295870325,0.06526418043466277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379147859679399,0.0,0.08989710295834137,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LucasArsenault,2019/01/21,How high of a 100% do I have of dying if I run into a snow pole while it drives down the road I’m thinking about this as my first attempt didn’t work so well so I’m going for this please reply,-1.2300000000000004,0.5112237777777793,1.2933333333333366,101.82000000000004,89.0,3.6,13.444444444444445,3.1291,-1.6277555555555554,150,2,39,0,5,51,37,45,0.0,0.87,0.13,0.6559999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,7,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,7,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170135981187175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34177795116360304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283569275551864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245325501863805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410648738575688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574625467218793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612739343225945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925212419908313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvennowI,2019/01/21,"I feel nothing but pain After nearly 11 years of this anxiety I am a complete and utter mess. At first it started out as pain, and then fear of pain. Then it grew to constant anxiety, depression, and more pain. Sickness. Disorders. One after the other. Panick attacks, PTSD, blinding rage, manic episodes, maybe even bi polar as I'm about to find out from a psychiatrist.

I am 10 years into this, nearly 11, and I am suffering more than I can imagine another person enduring. Every year it gets worse, and I become more and more alone. I cut off and ran from every positive source in my life.

There isnt a way out of this other than killing myself. It doesnt matter anymore. This body is a failed piece of genetics and should be disposed of. I dont feel anything anymore. I'm completely empty. I dont love anyone. I dont love myself. I dont love my dog. I dont want to do anything except pass the time until I can sleep, only to lay there panick stricken for hours before falling asleep to nightmares. Its pain. It's just pain.

I am 22 years old, nearly 23. It's been 11 years since I had my first attack. Those numbers have always stuck out to me and always been my favourites 

I think its fitting they line up this way. This year, and not a second longer, either the pain disappears or I do. 

I promise myself.


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suicidewatch,notnotathrowawayok,2019/01/21,"crashing It's getting to the point where I can't hold it together anymore. I've been 'high functioning' for years but it's all becoming too much. The only reason I've lived as long as I have is because I don't want to hurt my loved ones, but it's getting to the point where I cant even take care of myself anymore. I've become an adult infant, my brain is so fucked up. Sure, I'm really lucky to have people who love me, but it honestly makes me feel shittier in the long run for feeling as miserable as I do. I've been really good at putting on a mask for so long but it's all starting to crumble. My only motivation to get better at this point is honestly so I can get to a point where I have enough freedom to make my death look like an accident. I don't want anyone to think there was anything they could have done to save me. I just want to spend the last of my time making everyone feel loved and special. I want to donate all of my things to those in need and create an inspiring story of travel and healing and helping others and gathering as community. I don't want my death to be traumatic for others. I want their hearts to be full of happy memories, I want them to feel loved and cared for.
I am just so tired of being confined to this physical body.  I am so tired of hurting so badly. I feel defected. Maybe it's all of the trauma maybe it's all of the drugs I've done to cope with it or maybe it just is what it is. 

I feel completely drained and deteriorated. I don't know how to keep going anymore. I can't even think about work without having a panic attack. The physical symptoms of anxiety are causing me to basically be bedridden.  I'm broke as fuck and taking up my parents resources. They love me and want to help, but I feel far past the level of being able to ever get better- which only continues the cycle of feeling shitty.   i feel powerless. 
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suicidewatch,scorpiusinvirgo,2019/01/21,"fell on black days I need a distraction. I'm not  having the best of days and the thing that I always do when *intrusive thoughts* come is I make things worse by obsessing over them, by intentionally seeking out things that would continue the cycle of these thoughts. So I need a distraction right now, and there's no one irl to help out so here I am. Pathetic, I know. But still, any suggestions? ",2.1280116959064337,4.833774842105264,2.919122807017544,89.17441520467838,83.47368421052632,7.588304093567253,22.91812865497076,8.515128840125781,1.6973058479532168,312,11,64,8,9,98,56,76,0.25,0.7170000000000001,0.033,-0.948,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,2,0,15,13,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,1,7,1,9,10,1,13,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,6,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965567607368319,0.0,0.0,0.1606399866809437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479018447140865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034855098142281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046890525831749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833554024943608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298221820425671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768092851475546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35031325966256105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600710636762892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017334605418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886482821254302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708089159456793,0.0,0.0,0.3750699262239104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407317871193517,0.16780629886556284,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoMyRuby,2019/01/21,"No one cares anymore The last person who cared about me was my ex and just told me he doesn't want to talk to me ever again because he needs to move on
The thing is he has people who love him but I have no one
My father pays for an apartment because he doesn't want to live with me
I can't seem to make friends past a shallow point
No one really cares, I just can't get out of my room for days or even eat because I feel so lonely
I started going to college and doing a lot of extracurricular activities and still nothing
I tried therapy for years for bpd and depression and it didn't get better even with medication

It doesn't get better, it never does
I'm now 24 and been depressed since 13
At least when I was at home or had and abusive boyfriend they cared enough to abuse me
No one talks to me now

Do you think if I cut my arm deep enough in the bathtub I'll die or will I just wake up in the er?

Thank you at least for caring enough for reading this",4.415711974110033,4.025604470873788,5.196262135922332,88.38364886731395,69.8252427184466,8.031715210355989,26.875404530744337,7.1686216300943375,1.0242957928802592,755,20,176,6,12,246,121,206,0.215,0.6779999999999999,0.107,-0.9803,0,3,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,2,1,2,13,14,1,0,7,0,16,5,2,1,2,28,37,14,1,4,8,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,7,10,1,0,3,1,1,2,11,4,1,4,6,1,23,10,27,30,6,26,0,3,0,1,18,12,0,6,12,119,30,3,0.0,0.24364186396334936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196650122411892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880282488707528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186596478663114,0.0,0.0,0.12949398675142826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241421973337859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663082412977073,0.0,0.17711168095873905,0.0,0.10670746268830797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899755539454836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520711362092276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31871128998342,0.0,0.13581887136949197,0.0930035573093985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051987193694693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943589815472245,0.0,0.16115238716792876,0.0,0.05843307852943123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313349532763216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380930243613344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078899639604167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741104942923697,0.09279605185053699,0.0,0.06863092039152772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357697028776736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927784040336393,0.0,0.07623725222339738,0.07929854832159157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865536034517118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786849248449608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981501380013676,0.07128012773251242,0.08977554359454139,0.0,0.0,0.09719497904496144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284448583184468,0.0,0.06586698656544386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936004277275064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505100543573534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277416268748693,0.0,0.08210951923293182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528027687328511,0.0,0.09465976868376612,0.1175798137670648,0.0,0.06830682174491312,0.06588076557191905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824572682698593,0.0,0.06980576455920533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212878624866284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621055946908018
suicidewatch,sadmaddie,2019/01/21,"Life will always be like this and it’s not worth the pain. When you’re in distress and feeling so depressed, everyone likes to tell you that you’re not alone and that most people feel that way. I absolutely can’t stand to hear that. It only confirms my thoughts that this is just how life goes and I will continue to feel so fucking shitty regardless. This is just life and man do I fucking hate life. And I have to experience it year after year after year? Why would I not just cut to the point and end my suffering now? I’ve tried talking, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried positivity, I’ve tried productivity, I’m successful in school and make decent money, I always can keep myself distracted, I’ve got hobbies to use as an outlet. All that and I’m still here thinking about how badly I want to kill myself every single day. It’s soul crushing to always wish that something terrible would happen to me so that I could die and finally end it. I have no will to live, no want to exist. There is no point in trying to get better because life will be shitty either way and I don’t want to.  It’s so fucked up but it really feels like the only thing I want is to put this gun to my head and pull the trigger. Nobody can help me, I am the only one responsible for helping myself and I’ve already proven to be a failure at that. 

why.",2.1869372693726916,4.18636204059041,3.8774523985239853,86.57040738007382,78.04059040590407,6.550022140221403,22.279114391143914,7.554174236665415,0.9099203247232476,1047,31,214,15,25,350,138,271,0.158,0.718,0.124,-0.9175,0,1,1,1,0,2,24.0,0,1,0,2,15,18,6,2,7,0,22,10,1,5,1,44,46,22,2,9,8,0,4,3,0,6,6,1,0,1,21,13,0,1,6,0,2,2,8,13,0,1,2,5,21,5,26,34,4,25,1,2,0,3,7,7,3,1,16,136,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003500694923253,0.1069218561698696,0.0,0.2418637378079717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809001106155291,0.059063980416356514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569239872522852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735974460272696,0.0,0.0,0.062486812842833674,0.0,0.08345225452941593,0.0,0.10055777561647536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716337009643063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816350206992047,0.09258370037720033,0.0,0.0947781923160047,0.0,0.0,0.19596442186059165,0.06921909757123056,0.0,0.10613958115738023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26872307849294863,0.050621656569691066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749274934046979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568057427613479,0.0,0.0,0.09566000736811874,0.09943833139627273,0.0,0.1092034320180255,0.0,0.1298882672160938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612135657736425,0.10719576481148124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421856242447381,0.14200844858660425,0.0,0.08555671082448559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467563298025658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565598936156808,0.22107038680402846,0.10309907548273572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717216312580421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318701705803325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974024244683608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620709881831633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805907416042317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745915847499549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737744299215285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778774819348873,0.08468718548597505,0.0,0.11080353924591052,0.0,0.0643702125517054,0.062083973087934174,0.0,0.0769207954280899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32891384690614583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368289361560992,0.0,0.0,0.2285957767838233,0.15381546025017914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748584875334364,0.0,0.11142010621149763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765746687861227,0.0,0.0,0.1871842816274532
suicidewatch,Sc0rch3d_P0tat03s,2019/01/21,"My post I guess I don't even know how to begin or what to say. I never really thought I'd get to this point. I've always been afraid of dying and that's what has kept me from considering suicide in the past, that and my loved ones would most likely miss me. But today I've reached an all time low. I woke up at 2:45pm and stayed in bed til 5:30pm. I haven't been to school in two months. None of my friends from school talk to me anymore (I feel like they're ignoring me or that they feel like I've abandoned them, but hey I dont blame them) I tried messaging the group chat but all my closest friends immediately stopped typing and sending messages. I just feel so depressed. I can't see an end to this sadness. I don't know what to do anymore. Please somebody tell me I shouldn't do it. I don't want to die but right now my options are thinning.",1.3590634242523834,3.2662183798882687,2.4259677949392042,96.4236247124548,80.28491620111733,5.329083141636542,22.26125534012488,6.2272716619740125,0.11607630627670094,666,21,155,5,17,211,107,179,0.159,0.7490000000000001,0.093,-0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,3,0,5,13,0,1,4,0,14,1,0,1,3,31,29,13,3,3,7,0,4,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,9,4,0,4,6,1,0,1,9,7,0,2,5,6,26,6,18,22,4,23,0,5,1,1,15,10,0,5,13,93,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235476092603896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945053701603729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788597366362667,0.0,0.3081984810758702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401795388336633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150958644008293,0.0,0.0,0.09806992126639467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252284947338155,0.21214889253577007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294312181866311,0.0,0.07757489447572358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356792947994486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320191847077714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762010886784916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340093818635371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851565974416198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145172583459521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061417961324444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417413678824313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298692032115006,0.14036199603657332,0.0,0.14220320468350456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512036319245576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268014728383453,0.0,0.11807759461887987,0.0,0.300540236960025,0.11831967599280566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826037856309788,0.0,0.12413628496030099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241348710249065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934294237915374,0.12977843718875826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787687311472765,0.08658013066542013,0.0,0.14074208284001355,0.0,0.0,0.10080846299536372,0.0,0.14504380151557802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757760246934851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547623478305436,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KawasakiCodone,2019/01/21,"Life is a curse, not a gift Life seems like it’s just endless pain, and there’s no breaks. I’m either in a state of limbo feeling nothing, completely numb. Or wishing I could just end it all.

Are some of us cursed with feeling miserable our entire lives? I think back to my childhood and I remember being able to make anyone smile, but not having anyone there to do the same for me

Now I’m 19 and know I have so much potential and cool talents, but I don’t care about none of it because I just want to fucking die.

Only reason I’m alive is because killing myself might hurt too much. And because it would leave such an impact on my siblings. If I had some fentanyl I’d totally OD on that. Then everyone would just think it was an accident.

Idk what I’m doing here, but this is my first post. And I just needed to get this out. FUCK",0.6968023255813982,3.0133669360465127,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,86.0348837209302,5.067906976744187,20.809302325581395,6.508806274219699,0.2913502325581394,651,21,139,7,20,212,114,172,0.202,0.6679999999999999,0.13,-0.9577,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,2,0,0,1,14,11,3,1,6,1,16,6,0,2,2,42,34,13,3,7,13,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,8,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,3,15,4,15,27,9,13,0,2,0,2,2,4,2,6,7,99,24,0,0.1534554892033557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459929213765905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799779895532925,0.0,0.2806351256880302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564580985150547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089516081685862,0.0,0.0,0.12252172134207708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926257029585136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135916015431861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663329612432344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518341232552552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052916072360138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837342540393854,0.08017415946700764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427727503411108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977576248125514,0.0,0.08433512365841746,0.0,0.0,0.1624872058428875,0.0,0.0,0.2167803004846044,0.07497060068859672,0.0,0.13550400840145455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243273064464224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279202367488746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256148827587109,0.11378530081684488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472446806080505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670981450833098,0.16328745992881988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696793964164112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777780087668547,0.0,0.0,0.17383515490759088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970011398562776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665616244086584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845880590356036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051202342676802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646623932453528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802075335397375,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicholastheredditor,2019/01/21,"title I keep hearing from everyone that I need to get my drivers license, and apply to schools because senior year is almost over, but I keep thinking I won’t need to do any of that if I’m gone before I graduate. Nothing matters. ",4.871884057971017,5.533349086956524,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,69.0,7.872463768115942,37.072463768115945,7.793537801064563,3.074820289855073,182,10,32,2,3,62,36,46,0.028,0.972,0.0,-0.0286,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,12,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,6,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,20,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761714773533961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755183897234906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812366917358848,0.0,0.2346834610014979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635364447732433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440928732223556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108439618833182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902831932398438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090008809363615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646352545080688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791219153772085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671997855273724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760462477576142
suicidewatch,whodatitsmethrowaway,2019/01/21,"So tired. I can fight it and can pretend like everything's ok but it's always there. I feel incapable of reaching out to people and if I do,I certainly cant connect with them. Maybe I'm retarded or broken. Everytime I try to push myself to be better, things get worse. I have no interests, all I do is work and come home. I never wanted this life. Is there really any point in fighting to survive when truthfully there's too many people on earth as it is?",1.3509677419354844,3.652033182795705,3.516569892473118,86.41485483870967,82.76344086021507,7.160860215053764,22.203225806451613,8.238735603445708,1.4864116129032257,358,12,72,8,10,122,69,93,0.253,0.5770000000000001,0.17,-0.8801,0,0,0,0,3,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,7,8,2,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,4,15,14,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,9,6,10,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096148165688908,0.0,0.0,0.17131194681641562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279978722232005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700387030311893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264064231373987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737661724723864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316160415666839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526929196614549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779361656492388,0.12307374049328325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554039226836402,0.253084114475994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429363502750574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492945436077764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381426417603907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138424370907986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736221500767925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28954110745941264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171034855355471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858695515884268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339830676746569,0.0,0.2567245675506726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onemellocello,2019/01/21,"Living after an attempt Does anyone have advice on trying to feel more human after a suicide attempt? I realized that I do have something to live for, but everything still feels so dull and gray. I feel like physically I’m living, but there’s nothing alive inside of me. No passion, no motivation. ",5.8264545454545456,7.491112690909091,6.936136363636365,69.82420454545455,67.54545454545455,8.40909090909091,31.931818181818183,8.841846274778883,3.049090909090909,238,10,36,4,4,80,44,55,0.238,0.609,0.154,-0.6853,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,7,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,2,7,7,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377495935721872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012076615106686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291315561350824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186620294920364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690588268364913,0.17381331231300234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886391516863368,0.0,0.6445141220039676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23345256759413965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730395036895608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429940777451693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661303183831539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518448579176595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polarpug,2019/01/21,if no one in my real life replies to me by the end of work  I will literally just off myself this weekend. i can't take it . i've been trying numerous therapies and it seems like spiritual healing has been helping a lot. i feel more alive and awake and present but now that i have to deal with everything i ignored for the past 2 years i am so frustrated and so damn annoyed i want to end it all.,2.090137693631668,3.6647725060241,3.9619965576592087,87.77590361445783,76.95180722891565,7.634423407917385,27.5197934595525,8.418075326091056,1.8193215146299488,310,13,69,6,7,105,65,83,0.208,0.711,0.081,-0.9356,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,15,11,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,1,10,1,9,8,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,8,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726749384613217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685147380672881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23770425806639406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337327973216873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728035680305496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868153016717336,0.12921520408304765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485776450344053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792235352699227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524831901778983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301044611963808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407794331815136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198861640051826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024644395305693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956961128745286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600154556102347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255000735706707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032124068927834
suicidewatch,badbatalie,2019/01/21,"There are so many beautiful people, place and things in this world, and so many reasons for me to live, but I’m afraid that I can’t do this anymore and I’m sorry. I was having so many good days and now the feelings are back. There are so many things to live for and I don’t want to disappoint or hurt anyone but at the same time, I can’t do this. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just die in a freak accident. I just feel so sad thinking of all the beautiful things I would leave behind. 

Take care. ",2.633611111111112,3.621442361111111,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,74.46296296296295,7.251851851851853,21.833333333333336,7.6454224807358475,0.5430333333333333,397,9,93,5,8,128,63,108,0.22,0.5920000000000001,0.188,-0.6611,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,4,0,13,0,0,1,1,20,22,13,1,3,5,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,8,3,11,18,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,1,5,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177307728040335,0.107008083128995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767716616279095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560329584066269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869717711196796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882980965867952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321426038402601,0.10933074070686633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836143966297886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638308880513784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204568297532226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476688474414799,0.0,0.2702716127513329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6206281071479471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609763211473876,0.0,0.1598926682931668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734907477040622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135899761468952,0.17131408027937658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150659121524984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050159536027275,0.0980608965140591,0.0,0.0,0.08923798472859461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026607712025596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742833041390144,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happyxpills,2019/01/21,"i'm lonely and confused. i just... want to die. i don't know why do i feel so empty. i'm so young, everyone my age is happy and has a lot of friends, has no problem socializing and definitely doesn't want to kill themselves.
... and then there's me. i have 3 friends, that i've known since I was 9-10 years old. everything was so simple back then. and despite having 3 friends i feel so alone and lost.

i've joked with them about suicide and dark topics like that a lot, they think i'm only joking but there really is some truth behind the jokes.

i have no idea what to do. i look at the road and the cars passing by, and i just wonder what would it be like if i jumped. everyday i fantasize about my death and how would my close friends and relatives react.

i laugh at some things, i'm able to be happy for a second, even a minute, it's not like I'm always empty... but the sadness always comes back. there's not a day I don't think about death and suicide. even hurting others!

what is wrong with me? i'm worried i'll snap one day and do things i'll regret. i mean, everyone dies anyways and nothing really matters, i can't even imagine my future and living a long, happy life.
i just don't want to ruin other people's lifes.

i think i'm a bad influence on my friends. i think i'm making them kind of... depressed, just by being myself. i'll be completely alone if i isolate myself from them, but i want to do it for their sake. just so they won't be sad if when i die.



i'm sorry if this whole post is all over the place, i'm just tired right now.",0.7139652623798938,2.66237147560976,2.6406319290465667,93.83371027346641,82.71951219512195,5.4391722099039175,19.390613451589054,6.574015621080383,0.01887886178861775,1196,31,271,12,33,399,157,328,0.219,0.593,0.188,-0.9395,0,4,0,0,0,4,51.0,0,0,6,1,26,30,1,1,12,0,28,3,0,4,2,66,55,31,8,12,15,0,2,3,5,3,3,0,0,0,13,19,0,0,12,3,0,4,10,13,0,2,3,3,36,17,23,44,6,28,0,8,1,0,12,8,0,10,18,171,49,0,0.09266114177004238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193799547110252,0.0,0.0,0.15420298576395364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250139678044996,0.07736818291950796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981936885667874,0.09715344419389256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951754155335888,0.0,0.0798089056288364,0.0,0.28850290754908714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360543069321505,0.0,0.0,0.1770833837345379,0.08327785939800157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937045148694493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579488413781717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959185253234201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991956687281483,0.10460315030543724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251582447823322,0.09649232007283197,0.05092414021860737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089860949540447,0.1358086601213491,0.0,0.08182148581376147,0.08200219459040432,0.07781202178194173,0.0,0.1011505821635591,0.15755437827820598,0.0,0.0,0.06185203165706112,0.0,0.0,0.10093514793211483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891086461316901,0.0,0.09723228100587043,0.0,0.06278958775257844,0.07047297378708119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642395685775325,0.0,0.09681117123099932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874375991033198,0.0,0.0,0.08866419851338872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872220028405675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913210877973917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665025400599731,0.0,0.0,0.09445636494181793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372656193215003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271249916908726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311989047668816,0.2374940726132992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650035146005388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861576873348487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361226792883125,0.10345285566610764,0.0,0.0,0.10048705558993866,0.0,0.09410188734633612,0.0,0.1316476330708034,0.10131041233581277,0.0,0.05967073728503899
suicidewatch,Hatefulsoul1234,2019/01/21,"Do I need help? Lately iv been thinking about just throwing myself off a bridge Iv been seeing myself dying. Iv seen myself getting hung, falling off the cliff and seeing the impact my skull cracked open like an egg I'm pushing everyone away i want to got through with it it's just weird. I dont want to die, but I do at the same time my mother always used to hurt me and my sister now are separated. I feel nothing but this strange feeling in my chest no pain just numbness and sadness. I think it's over this feeling has just got to me the only time it dosent is when I'm asleep. I want to go to sleep forever. ",2.218475304223336,3.952173181102364,3.407215461703654,91.1982534001432,77.03149606299212,5.563063707945597,24.14387974230494,6.11248444174946,0.5202031496062989,482,16,102,3,11,156,81,127,0.175,0.7290000000000001,0.096,-0.939,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,8,10,4,1,0,22,27,6,2,4,6,2,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,5,6,16,1,15,22,1,16,0,2,3,0,3,7,0,0,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107725594112134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058700682168296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37687318342219184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279371664552668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349386300687578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754153087043463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486061492791542,0.0,0.10318800469875024,0.0,0.2904294467239177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169970063185595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436989962870505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481408395371276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870385832684699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346287092624334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421724206652905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808894095034574,0.1931987683043847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893688041370568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169688304656326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326800133923602,0.0,0.0,0.21174490770416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568145194220484,0.0,0.0,0.321276565580946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TooFarAway1011,2019/01/21,"Suicidal thoughts and homesick I am at the point that I either want to end it all or go home to my loved ones. But I am so afraid that if I go home I will disappoint them and they leave me anyway. So that’s why I carry on, but at the cost of slowly losing my mind. My loved ones already feel terrible when they see me over videochat, even when I try to do my best to just be happy for/too them. I am so afraid of being alone and losing everything that the option to just simply give up feels like the best option. The only thing that is holding me back is that in the end I leave my loved ones forever, which is also unbearable to think of.",4.3821666666666665,4.135992725925924,5.238657407407409,87.56020833333336,69.8888888888889,8.527777777777779,25.02314814814815,8.07648339933343,1.1262037037037032,498,11,113,6,8,163,78,135,0.134,0.6559999999999999,0.21,0.9607,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,4,11,14,0,2,6,0,10,3,0,0,1,20,22,13,1,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,7,0,3,1,3,21,7,15,18,4,14,0,4,1,3,8,7,0,4,6,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671460563468738,0.15632274138973978,0.11328357302857267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089259902903566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29732193212996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509332666932124,0.0,0.0,0.09356354306130628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273127633712133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432527302529923,0.1012002548072846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589092766796151,0.16101461613002882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079720453910966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841883497882591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999899991804072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920677330396481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169573556583452,0.0,0.0,0.3835546845158298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430338463411063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879726731272784,0.10773702759266277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391226882568116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112882808069982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549504791889535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411104941852316,0.09076850343912744,0.0,0.11246035227909604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961762469737278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355335330175992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782399738302144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deook,2019/01/21,"goodbye guys i hate my life  
my mom hates me

my dad hates me

and i an abused in home, police don't care about that problem, and i am fully depressed, good bye guys.  
",-1.5573333333333323,0.29455445714285844,0.17071428571428626,104.22845238095242,104.42857142857143,2.333333333333333,14.404761904761903,3.1291,-1.590809523809524,126,3,30,0,6,40,27,35,0.453,0.48,0.066,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,16,9,0,0.0,0.2624854376200871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22587201034221066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080972509337374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581495040003054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387134525281421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.656166564148615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222199437649597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647832466893566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594617718430924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198124708843574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AugustusRomae,2019/01/21,"Shame Hi. Two years ago I said my parents that for the previous 3 years I lied to them and that I didn't go to university and that I never passed one exam. Next day I remember that I left home to have a walk wanting to end it, I wasn't really desperate, but life seemed so overwhelming and my issues so big. I turned off the phone and for all day I walked, when it got late I thought that clearly my parents, even if mad at me, that had tried to call me and maybe called the police since they knew I was depressed even before I told them. They didn't call, I felt so alone. A month prior I started going to a psychologist, so I called and talked a little.
After that day I really put everything into recovering. I dropped uni, I started learning programming a got a nice job through a friend. No friend of mine knows anything about this.
Now I started again uni. I just failed again the first two exams. I told my parents that I never had any girlfriend. I have a lot of friends and girls like me generally, but I have deep self confidence issues. I feel like I didn't progress much. My father is so sad.
I don't think I really am going to kill myself but I am so alone, sorry.",2.5661249999999995,4.199520029166667,3.889166666666668,88.55250000000002,75.79166666666666,7.133333333333333,23.666666666666664,7.908726449838941,1.0891916666666663,917,28,197,14,20,301,131,240,0.173,0.698,0.129,-0.9014,4,2,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,4,3,14,13,2,2,12,0,14,1,0,0,4,29,34,18,1,2,5,4,2,2,4,0,1,1,1,2,11,8,0,0,9,0,0,7,8,7,0,4,15,3,43,6,17,19,3,37,0,4,0,0,24,7,0,3,24,131,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712461303944068,0.0,0.0,0.20358931898171528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683785365192063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088100746087347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363415100001713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40144399984300205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015902634202975,0.0,0.08465359193613678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705222744341717,0.0,0.0,0.12983395845944418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833312361880312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969635720368714,0.07021554148566632,0.09436997793608197,0.0,0.0,0.08360202549497091,0.0,0.0,0.2278065705571497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757460463226326,0.0,0.1572165933124102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858887659077413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051701070637813,0.09753369400977308,0.0,0.10873890205608006,0.0,0.05401541785089945,0.0,0.11087089447997392,0.0,0.10678803182365676,0.0,0.06942231187059349,0.09603515467954843,0.09850839749488044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355924656167624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874150238395113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845095134837171,0.0,0.07225152247925301,0.0,0.15160845212254326,0.0,0.10452828116212004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660114053142073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32740493098205464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880458162611498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888935943442288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133888375548928,0.0,0.09349249785749453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947588742877009,0.10253373841395258,0.0,0.0,0.08130319885103697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002313560818927,0.2087020202719127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899856767088298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297770327711794,0.0,0.07802810917801277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783297912955552,0.0,0.06672974561357896,0.10690694971315724,0.19202229039849747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579716321485384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658592934849044
suicidewatch,Kuiper08,2019/01/21,the only reason im still here is bc of the people around me and im pushing them away so whats gonna happen,-1.6985897435897428,0.007868884615385595,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,90.92307692307692,3.466666666666667,12.512820512820511,3.1291,-1.5682410256410255,85,1,21,0,3,31,23,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832398120338637,0.0,0.0,0.2989323031029743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813577292866226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6873589593513849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419835245393998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205798391060861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32713297087359017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409192039392264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vilisbon,2019/01/21,"i'm giving everybody a warning; i feel failed by the health system. at this point i'm exhausted of talking about it and i just feel like i need a plan and just get it over with. i've told them all, and nothing is done, so... guess that's it. it's no longer a secret and i did what everybody says: ask for help. i've asked. ",-0.4354285714285737,1.5652668142857171,1.6453571428571436,98.85089285714287,88.0,5.214285714285714,17.32142857142857,6.6274283507984215,-0.32057142857142873,247,6,61,3,8,82,49,70,0.153,0.735,0.112,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,13,14,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,5,1,7,11,1,4,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,1,35,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850904852756962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655014258674823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623654988583923,0.18534694096383567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554885170322936,0.2488824538629671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858069632749509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757769819820953,0.0,0.0,0.173899933980086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267512987027004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923745377433828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489436435444421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452585661136122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063203884534745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853136710925665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479099879967032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rugmouse,2019/01/21,"About to start my last semester of college I feel like I’m hanging on to the edge of a cliff with my fingernails, and everything is going to come crashing down when I graduate this May. I was a smart kid with a lot of potential, and I had one chance to make something out of myself. I blew it by choosing a bad major and by my anxiety and depression making me not ambitious/motivated/charismatic enough to forge a useful path for myself. All I have to my name is good grades and one semi-prestigious grant that I got last spring. I can’t cope with the massive amount of work and effort required to make it to the end of this semester, and I definitely can’t cope with the bleak prospects that face me afterwards (failure, debt, loneliness, dealing with the knowledge that I wasted all my potential, etc). The mere idea of my parents watching watching me walk at graduation is a punch in the gut because it feels like them watching me flush their money and efforts down the drain. 

I’m crippled with anxiety over the millions of tasks I need to be doing right now, but I can’t make myself get up and move. These are things that I’ve had on my plate for over a year, but instead I’ve chosen to do nothing about them because they make me anxious. In fact the only thing I’ve done today is write this post and one email to a professor. People have suggested making lists, but seeing it all written out makes my anxiety that much worse. The more time I waste, the worse I make things for myself, but I can’t stop wasting time. Every task is like a pandora’s box of more tasks and responsibilities, and it’s like I avoid them to protect myself, when in the end I’m only hurting myself more. I’m at the point where anything meant to cheer me up or motivate me just makes me feel worse. Therapy hasn’t helped. Meds helped a little but ruined my sex life, which was one of the last good things I had going for me. Even seeing other people lead normal and reasonable lives makes me upset, and I’ve cut off my social circle to approximately 3 people whose presence doesn’t make me feel worse about myself. 

I have no more hope for myself and no more belief in myself or my abilities. I dug myself into this shit hole with my anxiety and incompetence. If I kill myself I can finally end the cycle and stop suffering at my own hand. I’ve been in this mindset for the past year and a half, and the future just seems worse. Of course I would much rather be normal and have a happy, successful life, but since that doesn’t seem possible for me, suicide seems like a good way to opt out. The only thing keeping me from doing it is that I’m my dad’s only child, and he loves me too much for me to do something so shitty to him. I also don’t want my roommates to find me dead, and I guess I’m also kind of afraid of failing and permanently fucking up my body. 

I’m so ashamed of myself and so aware of how unreasonable I am that I can’t share this with anybody I know in real life. I spent half an afternoon writing this all out, but I don’t even know if I actually want any sort of response at all. I think honestly I just wanted to get all this shit of my head and out there for somebody else to read to the end.


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suicidewatch,iflexon9yearolds,2019/01/21,"I really don't want to live but I am afraid I'm not afraid of pain or the concept of being dead. I'm also an atheist so I don't believe in afterlife amd consequences. Only thing I am afraid of is letting people I love down. I am afraid of hurting them. It terrifies me. 

It's like I'm drowning, but rather than trying to save myself, I'm trying my hardest to not drag anyone down with me. Because they matter more than me.",1.031410736579275,3.0749843258426988,3.3812734082397,88.43373283395756,82.14606741573033,5.7533083645443215,22.24843945068665,6.937597516519254,0.7526918851435709,331,11,68,4,9,114,57,89,0.154,0.649,0.197,0.527,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,4,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,10,14,5,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,13,3,13,12,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305768349383485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160654871299255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757628635025432,0.0,0.0,0.3248483823587491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086624762057193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948362414710315,0.0,0.14086313062088152,0.0,0.2546000520175957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602284480061099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192874232675913,0.3068027011314032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989123075392606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471113099048894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915531733994336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915133329676631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700640899448522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bad_guy_69,2019/01/21,"God I just want to end it all. Now I can't be sure but the test I've taken tell me I've got clinical deppresion and the symptoms check out. I don't remember the last time I've felt happiness. I'm fat, so the logical step I tought up of was: ""Starve yourself"". I find no joy in anything anymore. I just want to sleep all day and never wake up.  My grades have been deteriorating super fast. I give myself an simple job, that practicly no one could fail, I fail it and I feel like shit. I've literally held up a knife up to my throath and my heart a few minutes ago, but I didn't do it, I just gave myself a death stare, returned the knife to it's position and started writing this. Everyday I was telling myself this one is going to be it, but have never done anything. And the best part is i consider that a failure and feel even shittier about myself. Well I just wanted to vent a bit.",2.6932509652509644,3.82684771891892,4.425193050193052,86.87222972972975,74.51351351351352,7.664092664092664,26.18725868725869,8.192908349453996,1.4808610038610042,688,24,152,11,14,233,109,185,0.188,0.662,0.15,-0.8744,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,9,10,1,0,12,0,15,7,5,0,5,32,29,11,1,4,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,8,1,1,6,0,1,2,7,3,1,2,10,4,22,7,14,16,6,20,0,2,1,0,5,6,1,0,13,101,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337917571745926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040980682664666,0.0,0.0,0.2662084060146813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974375733282435,0.0,0.17658610219768928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291420157067449,0.0,0.0,0.10431359367917556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552359172875736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432600522375424,0.0,0.0,0.10683253155811924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356853668433405,0.11555226599643477,0.1553027230413638,0.0,0.1478340539981751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516269845656822,0.09192468827179108,0.0,0.1293640497894434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721829527366733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916712671759715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050918522265992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184559490285028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902153500308245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24949889748479834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920824203637854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515650698501598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322810077718715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660312252800272,0.0,0.0,0.1618640595171204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144855343522316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524448666528818,0.16811732216028033,0.0,0.0,0.2827484473831701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431612080623857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862081520645761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543020064632056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DumbestPersonAlive01,2019/01/21,Im the most worthless person alive It has recently came to my knowledge that I'm dumb I also not the prettiest person. I have Pectus excavatum also had high blood pressure (Im quite young for that) I don't think I have any purpose in live and this is just hell and a really sick joke. I was too blind to notice that I'm so worthless and fucked up because too much people said shit like I'm smart and good looking. Why do people have to lie like that and why am I this sick joke?,1.2475247524752469,3.2755413267326747,2.952960396039604,91.88052970297028,81.27722772277228,5.624158415841586,20.000990099009897,6.742157984588678,0.20936356435643555,378,10,82,4,10,125,65,101,0.299,0.555,0.146,-0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,4,1,3,0,10,6,2,0,0,11,18,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,4,3,7,6,6,14,2,6,1,2,2,1,3,3,4,1,4,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948093072509879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253473358422352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236282266492506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081872060332613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704055128118558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460308334525155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474950605660085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982053085279492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801037904204521,0.0,0.16276237155706025,0.0,0.15478659517019394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355000999954984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985525942566946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555755233602236,0.3218909992028259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605235008119906,0.0,0.0,0.1180833291067868,0.0,0.1819987222453257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533530607825054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892069864241339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810803148109016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332649325150046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustAOneBoi,2019/01/21,"Sometimes I just want to end it I'm a 14 year old Finnish boy and sometimes I have suicidal thoughts. Most of the time I'm positive about life but sometimes I just want to end it all. (I think about suicide almost every day sometimes more sometimes less.) I have not commited suicide because I don't want my family to spend thousands of euros for my funeral. Also I like LEGO so I get good mood watching LEGO videos or 'playing' with them. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just wrote this because I wanted to. (Sorry I'm not good at writing so I hope you understand.)",2.2766927899686533,4.4060259482758655,3.679623824451412,87.4641222570533,78.3103448275862,6.287147335423198,27.78683385579937,7.348242739294969,1.6163896551724142,454,20,89,6,11,149,71,116,0.154,0.6559999999999999,0.19,0.1894,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,1,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,25,19,6,4,6,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,17,5,13,17,4,7,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,4,7,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257206729045005,0.0,0.0,0.0978881456230096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923529314863218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894183364199384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683101525697146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313245195600376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539361455805508,0.0,0.06189222208043248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639521558197859,0.0,0.0,0.20533692477194426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157691591356637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645907638705215,0.059801456841129426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844465259302862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486100483613081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053140099621396,0.2740473035131181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016773482430079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843291171960931,0.0,0.0971768019528702,0.07137600437142877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742910821969802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609915628822259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882554066672541
suicidewatch,Leoram425,2019/01/21,"Depressed, feel hopeless and empty yet I have no real intention of killing myself-advice? My friend is going through a rough patch at the moment, she is kinda going through a phase I saw myself going through before I actually tried to kill myself. It’s kinda complicated, but more or less she has an inexplicably day of just absolute sadness, like she feels just so empty and sad for no reason, and she gets anxious because she is sad, essentially a bunch of problems start to stem of the reason of her just feeling empty that day for no particular reason. This is starting to create other problems with people, and I’ve seen the situation she’s in, it’s pretty easy to solve her problems in my opinion as some of the problems she has kinda causes herself, but unintentionally because of her uncontrollable emotions. That’s not the point however, my question is has anyone experienced this, if so what can you do to try and help with this random phase of just sadness that causes other problems?",9.378306010928961,8.512611202185795,9.427431693989071,63.688469945355216,59.92896174863388,10.756284153005463,38.912568306010925,9.725611199111238,3.9697060109289617,802,34,125,12,9,265,102,183,0.269,0.631,0.1,-0.9883,1,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,1,0,0,7,16,2,1,9,0,11,0,0,6,0,38,22,12,2,6,9,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,14,0,0,2,7,20,2,24,20,4,13,0,6,2,0,15,4,0,9,7,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.11841699265549065,0.0,0.0,0.11857870891452656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708736755566794,0.0,0.08484851858902806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794379137343225,0.0,0.10325720692352992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24931322305626985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651732134617213,0.0,0.1045158389826657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649884061519946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406979604990772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375225277113776,0.0,0.06339870548624546,0.0,0.20689258417460085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133621613128234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26850455647573473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928392720024924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841266065843583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471196845738615,0.0,0.0,0.12345334176905864,0.0,0.5805625965133004,0.0,0.0,0.13593621087111854,0.0,0.0,0.13811924832173153,0.0,0.3742942263397752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639891086240624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177980872567408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477305187863808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Thincel,2019/01/21,I'm so fucking fat and worthless No girl will ever want a loser like me. And I can't even improve myself for me it always has to be for somebody else because I'll never love myself. Nobody will ever love me and I deserve it. ,-0.061875000000000575,2.182736562500004,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,89.625,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.2323999999999997,177,6,34,0,6,62,35,48,0.321,0.61,0.068,-0.9338,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,7,10,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,3,7,0,3,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,4,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536011278941477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857908777966324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546043329828366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130411907227164,0.5513813798032009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817639238301445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488999676365456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.550151161846665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350648956603483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797669651193544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CarefulSeaworthiness,2019/01/21,"i feel hopeless i am not currently actively suicidal but i have been before and can feel myself slipping to that point.

to make a very long story short, the reason i see no point in keeping on living is because of my bipolar disorder. i am feeling the best i have in years and still do not function at the expected ""normal"" level of ""normal"" people. i haven't been able to get through college, and i struggle to hold down a job, but because i didn't finish college no job i've ever had has been enough to live independently anyway.

my parents see this is all as a lack of effort on my part rather than me trying very hard but still coming up short. one of my parents has their own mental health issues and uses that against for me- because they're mentally ill and can function than i must also be able to function like they can and i'm just using mine as an excuse. and i don't mean this in a woe is me comparing struggle sort of way, but it's just an objective fact that their struggles with mental health aren't as disabling as mine. it's very frustrating.

the problem isn't that i can't make peace with my limitations. it's that at some point my parents will stop supporting me, which is their right, but then i'm essentially fucked. the sentiment to not compare yourself to others because we all have our own challenges and limitations is nice and also true, but it doesn't make the fact that you need to be able to hold down a job and function at a certain level to not be poor and homeless any less true.

i don't know. everything feels pointless.",6.498235294117649,6.090820841423953,6.773904435560629,78.87131924614508,65.50485436893204,9.341785646297351,33.38682657529031,8.671277953709913,2.6096075004759185,1236,47,239,16,17,400,155,309,0.162,0.72,0.118,-0.9415,7,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,2,1,4,5,9,16,2,3,14,0,33,5,0,7,9,64,54,24,1,8,13,3,5,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,14,15,0,6,7,0,1,1,14,8,0,1,5,7,33,8,38,44,10,30,0,2,2,1,11,19,1,2,10,176,47,6,0.27197171594816194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499712198871367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165003105076133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210552449223972,0.0,0.07714263286949452,0.0,0.09513917885538176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809318375594293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390104966701692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367316173226456,0.0,0.0,0.08200466258323419,0.0,0.0,0.08147688048557593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833560952254785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381115630007699,0.04736466545476696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121107893345138,0.0,0.0,0.1927288107213976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462260365991476,0.2698899621543357,0.08058031916007774,0.0,0.0,0.049822847470089394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429054753008736,0.0,0.16010400529003194,0.08022880338777831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154323229038336,0.0,0.0,0.0987523099693914,0.0,0.0,0.27408352124546953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722119374482081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764969104415892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143169113660218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30199240487783113,0.0981729549738728,0.0,0.06285031446860384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571011805984262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674673385994967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321074027334564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742078646384037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444841635426121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479797578425982,0.07579351087331831,0.0,0.2843238888994755,0.0,0.09916430481718456,0.10287676008244158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155031414549818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659749320662766,0.0,0.22440514883952709,0.0,0.07195949629276625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583802893758817
suicidewatch,Navikats,2019/01/21,"Nothing good ever happens to me. I swear I have the worst luck in life. Every year is just one more thing outside of my control to ruin everything I’ve built up from the last fall. 

I feel like I’m in quicksand, I reach for a branch to help me get out, but that branch snaps and I sink lower and try looking for a new branch to grab, only to find that one snaps as well. I now feel I’m sunk so deep, there’s nothing I can do to pull myself out.

Even with all my troubles, a part of me believes life has a way of balancing out. Everyone goes through bad times and then they bask in good times. But I’ve never had ‘good times.’ I don’t dwell on things as much as I like, because there’s always someone who has it worse. 

But I’m breaking. I’m sinking.

I just wish that I could have some luck, some opportunity. But I’m all alone and I’ve never asked anyone for help. I can’t rely on anyone, I’ll probably just drag them down with me. 

I feel like my head is barely sticking out of the quicksand and soon it will be too late for me.",1.3797009569377998,2.8915742954545465,2.871244019138757,95.10055023923448,78.77272727272728,5.540669856459331,21.1244019138756,6.05967700443912,-0.040681818181818034,795,21,187,5,19,260,122,220,0.136,0.7240000000000001,0.14,-0.016,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,12,15,0,1,7,0,14,3,1,1,5,34,27,14,0,2,7,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,5,1,2,1,5,24,10,32,23,8,28,0,1,1,0,6,12,0,4,15,119,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390006751947635,0.0,0.0,0.1116731425981008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768495257320034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546786363231294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120594141666202,0.08181292946879057,0.0,0.0,0.15120826586659758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052748398857854,0.107155448791153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864417828664406,0.12140027129217153,0.113077380555235,0.1282430289243073,0.12061893901397534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358122638014425,0.19175873713787725,0.0,0.0,0.12266514748199513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011897927188418,0.0,0.0,0.33770594721801045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868111039393613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377377741166353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991573831740795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939874072457728,0.1513942801051155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895924260046393,0.1967041013201141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270226657741612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865950196893956,0.0,0.2070214421431328,0.12962047274166827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25755547114154104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188780332705476,0.1020724522556762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533592349441568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470065355818232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371536271941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832579593383915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565173998241263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111951198869456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106529337440087,0.0,0.0,0.12067055274583262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433442220839616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677105325758188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864265853317044
suicidewatch,4455661122,2019/01/21,"I feel choked at every corner of my life. To start it off positively, I really enjoy school and learning. I'm in my senior year of college and while I am disappointed in the lack of participation of my fellow classmates, my professors made it an enjoyable journey of curiosity, exploration and seeking. Last year however, I became an RA (resident assistant) so that I could have the opportunity to not pay for housing. It lead me to a downward spiral that I hadn't had since high school. Rampant tales of sexual harassment by upper management that the school did nothing about, I would report shit that would lay at a desk somewhere unattended. It was taking a lot of energy out of my life and my grades were definitely taking the brunt of the damage. 

This year I decided to move into an apartment and work part time while trying to go to school. I feel even more claustrophobic then before, like there is never a moment to breathe and let me rest. Every month I come this close to not being able to pay rent, leaving little money for anything else. My job is so unfulfilling that it makes me wonder what am I even trying to get out of living this tireless life of mine. I host at a restaurant, it is one of the most un-engaging jobs where the seconds seem to tick as hours or something. By the time I get home I'm too tired to do anything but lay in bed because the hours are so long and late. I'm five months out from graduating but it is literally not giving me any sort of satisfaction to have said that I graduated. I loved the pursuit of knowledge but what does that mean when the degree isn't offering anything in a particular field. And to know it was my own naivete that brought me here is so depressing. 

What is this pathetic life supposed to add up to? I don't want to be pursuing happiness, I just want to be content that things are *okay* for the smallest moment. 

This was very poorly articulated and I am frustrated I can't get all my feelings out in words so I apologize for that and the dumb length of this post.",4.895261723009813,6.194097071246822,5.917516357688117,77.63607824427483,69.38167938931298,9.176626681206836,29.55734278444202,9.516144504307137,2.678743438749546,1611,61,304,35,28,534,211,393,0.097,0.821,0.08199999999999999,-0.8434,4,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,3,14,14,4,0,22,1,31,8,2,3,2,52,57,24,0,6,8,0,3,1,1,2,5,1,3,0,28,18,0,0,11,0,5,7,8,7,0,3,10,4,35,7,57,40,8,52,0,3,0,1,6,23,2,6,22,218,63,20,0.0998250992432919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788449063395191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464426530826137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060852453955637965,0.0,0.08494380699006837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599048387973726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970221890351475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859792117030965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735761705727746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339106114081134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318670731545218,0.0,0.16821390306740008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142370875811118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646348267677088,0.0957613313557684,0.0567329043702776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626567438466207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547069812880304,0.10013271378210883,0.0,0.19661522903936893,0.11518476175237845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812201546693184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486126389223175,0.08137077936179574,0.11260706002170352,0.10570036649217984,0.0,0.10207792733366394,0.28203767909780386,0.04876950112974336,0.10005097443632026,0.08814739151242604,0.08834207151763551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486772959731616,0.09009604949915828,0.09445692257392592,0.06663402889949664,0.0,0.0,0.10873879780658248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159358883657992,0.10609828243555404,0.0,0.0,0.07699127055858855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578487502175342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764407074112899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810085459557854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956048508689524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395051474300716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495652909808064,0.0,0.0,0.4041133193676306,0.0,0.09087702118256663,0.0,0.0,0.1024690298480168,0.08257635365816318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685023841057782,0.0,0.0,0.07065671904136807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011210248813933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663193602565351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641763628189294,0.11473426671483675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355493793891697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236616140584703,0.11775885982566335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825606187571186,0.07267386116031037,0.0,0.0,0.14182577276083372,0.0,0.0,0.19285227305471905
suicidewatch,Kpheg5953,2019/01/21,"Guts I don't have the guts to do it myself, so I'm mad at the fucking world that it won't do it for me. I feel like every little thing that doesn't go my way is evidence that the world wants me dead. I hate my job, but I'm scared I'd be more miserable if I got a new one. I'm at least comfortable where I'm at. I feel like I fail my kids. One turned seven yesterday, the other is four. I have no idea what I'm doing with them. I love them, but I find myself begging for peace around them. I have no savings for them to go to college and no prospect of having that anytime soon, so I can't even promise I'll provide a better upbringing than I had. My wife is extremely dedicated to me, and knows about my feelings, but she doesn't know how to help, nor do I know what I want her to do. I've tried medicine/doctor help once before but that didn't help at all. Admittedly, I wasn't completely honest with her because I was ashamed and still going on the mindset that I could fix if myself. I fucking hate everyone and everything. I find small moments of joy when I have my headphones on, and a song really speaks to me, where I'm shut off from the whole world.",3.948400537634413,3.7715208024193565,5.179774193548386,87.37382795698927,70.81451612903227,8.548817204301077,27.42043010752689,8.238735603445708,1.4819539784946238,901,27,209,12,15,301,130,248,0.163,0.6609999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.6698,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,4,2,11,18,5,3,9,0,24,5,2,1,1,30,49,16,1,5,6,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,13,8,0,0,10,1,0,3,11,9,0,4,5,5,40,9,25,41,4,26,0,2,0,3,15,16,2,2,8,143,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592996375197776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623309504012804,0.0,0.12037258820465695,0.0,0.0,0.12511044313977202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483187928831174,0.0,0.0,0.11294481275358817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479096240781042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343342061675268,0.0,0.11918669295454153,0.1351717066393804,0.12713570457832554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145802546958268,0.20211902338362686,0.0,0.0,0.2585849300253049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26155617014867943,0.0,0.0,0.2411860302970433,0.0,0.11313899895827187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793261967366469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844542616113926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969184740492245,0.0,0.0,0.1403778605358836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332292097877863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822104952568304,0.1417807274249664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767375338494752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662357059763455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065096811958778,0.19171478558197008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062331027305948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162678174621132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129706523073511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398016553566488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604249094061122,0.15386855824046344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668743048319206,0.11228487403738842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793575616409322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darudayu,2019/01/21,"I feel like a waste of a person Just a few months ago I was in a dead end factory job that left me physically and mentally exhausted in miserable. I was in (another) abusive relationship. Through therapy and just stubbornness I worked through and after almost 5 months of job searching I finally got a job in my field that I loved and I ended that relationship and began to move on with my life.

I just got laid off. A new relationship I was pursuing is falling apart because of me. I’m mentally ill (depression, anxiety, bpd and ptsd from a slew of abusive and toxic relationships.) 

I want to end it. I feel like I’m just a drain to everyone around me and any effort I make to improve my life only gives me temporary happiness. I don’t know what to do. My previous relationship kept me so isolated I lost all my friends. 

I’m alone and I’m tired of trying so hard for a life that clearly doesn’t want me to be happy. I’m always getting kicked back down to nothing again.",2.9644498628466915,4.960138782383421,5.039719597683632,79.1511429442243,75.6839378238342,9.308015848826576,29.487656202377323,9.773937934552695,3.139792075586711,767,35,150,23,17,265,106,193,0.202,0.664,0.133,-0.9222,3,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,9,11,1,1,9,0,8,7,0,1,2,26,27,11,1,2,4,0,3,2,1,0,6,0,0,1,6,11,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,8,3,25,6,26,18,2,24,0,3,0,1,9,10,0,1,14,93,31,4,0.0,0.23498745774668064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790335488881022,0.0,0.09929893250150412,0.10270452592954088,0.0,0.0,0.08251281624013321,0.0,0.0,0.0674352673097262,0.1039826350691597,0.07586057874030543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827743801504917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625138714568365,0.0,0.060449764896650285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248942289522868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541024717327715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634909668760091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475593892608353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028111165278206,0.14168629154497134,0.0,0.10862987360424764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661425445345645,0.0,0.05180936362137519,0.09512763397950197,0.0,0.0,0.15862183502719704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112492974629354,0.08883192308336944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952164245806128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054498221331158635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774253028846192,0.0,0.21012847821085545,0.0968935412060491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824977684180807,0.0,0.08949984193425428,0.0,0.06619308046356903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998690047175141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830433162713475,0.10539618063460894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577370171074924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515102184607244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541907839437498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658662519623897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591800556747983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323278623994401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340325948091998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397501657957156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732619297436727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697959454763153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219294433836952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrSeeYaLater,2019/01/21,Feeling low no confidence Feeling pritty low have no confidence and just feel like I let down everyone around me not matter how hard I try it’s just making everyone anyoyed so what’s the point in being here anymore ,9.038536585365854,7.996250048780492,8.80987804878049,68.41286585365854,60.70731707317073,12.102439024390245,40.012195121951216,11.20814326018867,4.658209756097562,176,8,29,4,2,57,33,41,0.197,0.53,0.273,0.575,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,11,7,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,3,5,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28479072865385346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556379229855912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487973362680518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355980815828577,0.20515088623161395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257243626712151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936458873129837,0.0,0.14029441826580058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168501019298045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714639471925233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949663302593837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sendnubes,2019/01/21,I could be better. I feel like killing myself constantly. I’ve never voiced it because I don’t want to end up in a psych ward. I feel like I keep screwing up with my friends and most importantly with my wife. I can’t seem to be the husband she deserves. I always wonder what her life would be like without me in it. I feel she’d be a happier person and end up with someone who’d make her happy rather than someone that keeps screwing up and making her mad. Just wanted to post here to get that off my chest. ,2.924150943396228,4.098840424528305,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,74.0,6.432075471698113,25.514150943396224,6.6274283507984215,0.8256830188679243,399,13,86,3,8,130,67,106,0.1,0.685,0.215,0.902,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,4,0,3,0,10,4,1,2,1,24,22,3,1,5,3,2,3,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,4,18,6,16,14,1,12,0,0,0,2,10,7,2,3,7,59,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726580931970185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788849485858412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156528968317318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125805453613373,0.0,0.14130822794193834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135125931830925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684670043993124,0.2528764299251817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367382753568662,0.0,0.09246742762767952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840396597401926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146250378255296,0.19580782804002744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500983408759972,0.2593979895565676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362779022706619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650184598753634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453659221467433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950283498756127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112061873078148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999178590903593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087808349046326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060735327093182,0.1919328279448325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572516111245716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Benjaminthomasen,2019/01/21,"Im scared! Im scared how my life will be in downfall!

I got bullied my entire life from kindergarden to college! I have always been full of stress and sadness and i always had anxiety from people to talk to or look at them! Because of getting constantly bullied and im afraid that will happen more if i meet new people and they will find about me how i was treated or getting treated!

I dropped out of college from MBA because of stressful, loneliness and trash talk from people im surrounded!

I just got text message that i thought my life would be atleast happy because i have a girlfriend... well thats gone since she told me she have no feelings for me! I guess a nice, lovely, calm, mooost carring, helpful and supportive person in the world gets this text....

I am shaking in my hands and my heart is like isolated that i get heavy breathing! I lost sooooo much feelings of how i will do in my life im in a point where i feel like i got ptsd or somethig! Im crying every single day because how failure i am as physical and mental! I really dont know why i keep getting negative towards me? I really dont know anything anymore! I dont want to go to school because of i dont want to be alone and im afraid to talk to people that will bully me again and ill break!

I am scared! I really dont know what to do or were to begin!

I thought my girlfriend was a miracle but it wasnt i was only a temporary get away for her! I opened my heart to her and now she told me that she have no feelings for me anymore and my heart shattered! 

I cant suicide because im scared! I tried to suicide with taking 10 pills and it got my high blood preassure! My mom and dad brought me to hospital to save me! I wish they didnt do it! Because im scared to do it now again!",1.9448155737704909,3.6537386557377083,3.5400239071038264,90.05380635245903,77.74316939890709,6.323633879781423,26.73804644808743,7.1686216300943375,1.2499456284153014,1372,56,293,16,32,455,161,366,0.154,0.745,0.101,-0.8927,0,1,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,3,1,12,23,0,10,6,0,35,13,6,4,0,45,71,25,2,5,7,2,5,2,2,6,6,0,0,1,12,17,0,1,10,0,0,5,11,12,1,0,19,6,59,11,40,43,4,31,0,2,1,1,23,16,0,6,10,190,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060446633550344624,0.0,0.0,0.09712565091622058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04464765853822392,0.0,0.11576114643733296,0.0,0.0,0.04802790876872276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483411110492645,0.0,0.0,0.2490434893388586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306984331802676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410919200821218,0.03763941068250686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34200595105019177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917348045740034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804067159134607,0.04169465399218001,0.0,0.0,0.05334287195982245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295405712380886,0.0,0.03316912946518585,0.0,0.1867134062144453,0.0,0.06429360193557182,0.0,0.05161035066396937,0.06212867031035965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748188093666795,0.03911959668100143,0.0616638841224318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673800629661511,0.0,0.0,0.051875859261748,0.0,0.0,0.0962246011303364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489450691610735,0.05702658500848647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901035623426215,0.0,0.06371028475563313,0.0,0.05267503159427532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588163392844049,0.0,0.0,0.06835422896775778,0.0,0.0,0.042903638801897404,0.0,0.0,0.056367504729453476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438781400477933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618466693562176,0.05096046115035596,0.0,0.0,0.05517205193432638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822341217203243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216680653427126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921585292704632,0.0590666349515033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482786100174618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370960783395786,0.0,0.0,0.1276796511631087,0.06622982364638484,0.0,0.0,0.04388183380515317,0.1407302945425983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266766146082983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153700316796564,0.0,0.03962475536719083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884820917570428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247549101415922,0.0,0.05266367513531961,0.0,0.06711475502089173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145951516514175,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DocLeo97,2019/01/21,"I don't have the will to live anymore So i don't really know what to write about myself and English not being my primary language doesnt make it any easier . I'm a 22 year old male and I just don't want to try anymore. My life had been going pretty well until I started attending college. Ever since then I've felt that I just don't have what it takes to be a normal functional human being.

Right now I have really difficult exams that I'm not prepared for all at all even though I tried and studied as much as I could. I sacrificed all my hobbies and friends and I'm still among the worst students and it kills me when I see the majority of my classmates having fun, enjoying their lives and doing much better than I do. I became so envious of other people I can barely talk to them.

College in my country works a little different and if I fail I will be kicked out and I can't really transfer any credits or anything so I will be a 22 year old with no qualifications or work experience. 

Ive always been told that I was smart while growing up and I guess that I really believed it and though that I could finish this school but I'm just really bad at college and I can't handle the volume of everything I need to study because I think I've never learnt how to study properly. Everything I learn I forget in a week or two and I don't really have any interest in my field of study and went into it only for the money.

I have supportive family, girlfriend I went to several psychologists and I take antidepressants but it doesn't really make any difference. I just don't want to try anymore, everything takes just so much effort and the thought of being stuck in a minimum wage job (which is really really low in my country) just makes me want to kill myself that much more. I'm envious of people who used to be my friends and I grew to despise them even though they've done nothing wrong to me.

Sorry for the long rant, I don't even know why I wrote this, I'll probably be too scared to kill myself again, but I feel like I will do it once, because I can't really see myself living like this any longer.",3.5920290697674417,4.846726374418608,5.265043604651165,81.24849563953491,72.46511627906976,8.723837209302326,25.76308139534884,9.188382445141503,2.0580290697674424,1671,53,333,36,32,569,202,430,0.139,0.77,0.091,-0.9695,3,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,3,5,25,25,6,1,13,0,43,1,0,5,5,63,76,38,3,8,15,0,2,2,3,4,1,0,0,2,21,20,0,0,7,0,3,6,16,13,1,1,12,4,56,12,40,50,10,37,0,2,2,0,13,14,0,5,19,236,77,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060231133376141985,0.0,0.0,0.2461255574992933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536303700625187,0.0,0.0,0.059567690955737176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043946972113616,0.08825193510424996,0.0,0.0,0.08155448138289488,0.0,0.06401972875783446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558901232587054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512563855447188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407623452310116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343124589812076,0.06547747974115807,0.0,0.0,0.1951681998307901,0.07080761251280178,0.06823928555076952,0.0,0.036600647549639084,0.051712729685411664,0.06950212241008058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185082727197836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113875669181193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797415816910068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183215349235282,0.0,0.2402538809500927,0.0,0.07956314636520576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051128527558720126,0.07072850097230945,0.07255000849684748,0.19175507402794226,0.06405952640983878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495509084465424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128488008365944,0.05367346456837743,0.055828714959331456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092312607566947,0.06945652989237659,0.0,0.15191432141776565,0.07708896135350025,0.0,0.05505298178960779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036698067421326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364280856305187,0.07804458763593544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637246577679186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181743595475817,0.0,0.0,0.0724712336132326,0.07325871866563184,0.1153648901570353,0.0,0.0,0.08177582413443454,0.0,0.059878628801876124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103044640066115,0.05123533874298518,0.0,0.05780772841026821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821430240908185,0.0,0.0,0.16327628549873455,0.058181301305395824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638216663817215,0.21335727944756688,0.057466572676222565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916813479046617,0.0,0.14743647448460095,0.0,0.07071081833769105,0.0,0.0,0.06251845240229942,0.0,0.0,0.12808580319777782,0.0,0.05806385902598023,0.0,0.06508390458003127,0.1342055013949662,0.06531730415664078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539605984617426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914296766122263,0.0,0.09322870418526097
suicidewatch,zeldank,2019/01/21,This is the first time that suicide feels like the only answer. I’m hurting so badly. I had an abortion on Saturday and I regret it so much. I just want to die so I don’t have to live with the pain and the guilt anymore. I’ve never hurt so much in my fucking life. ,-0.6397290640394111,1.4105493620689664,1.8828078817733989,96.32155172413796,89.86206896551724,4.0039408866995085,18.630541871921178,5.288315135182226,-0.4641113300492608,205,6,47,1,7,70,44,58,0.327,0.5760000000000001,0.096,-0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,5,0,4,3,0,0,1,9,8,6,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,1,5,1,5,7,2,6,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,5,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366983388473177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992810226305045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24770369540698026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067965695734822,0.17050721494202353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030141508425094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064827632927336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110062963538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858098366026075,0.11660300849690765,0.0,0.2107516132707619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35090253845790825,0.0,0.18407844179598765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152069434942336,0.25396367246147283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106826223661506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917147313496522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407748389337506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamesonsfriend1,2019/01/21,"depressed I'm depressed and have considered suicide a bunch of times, and my parents are no support. What do I do?",1.718939393939397,4.4857687727272735,2.824545454545458,87.87348484848488,88.54545454545455,4.751515151515153,34.60606060606061,6.42735559955562,2.3897696969696978,91,6,16,1,3,29,18,22,0.443,0.467,0.09,-0.8909999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6499427838820052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189514534711177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127093492873025,0.42816012060675146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200090031044423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_random_person18,2019/01/21,"Cant give mom a heartbreak, but want it so bad I've had a deathwish since like 2016, which made me overcome my fear of death and made me desire it. I have a loving family and 2 amazing sisters whom i cant just leave and die cuz they really need me. I cant give my mom a heartbreak for -in return- i make my everyday fantasy come true. 
Im no one
Im nothing
Im garbage
The worst part of my day is waking up to live shitty day in this shitty life. I have social anxiety although i have many friends but no close ones. Been 2 years single cuz I have no balls to talk to a girl.
The reason i cant commit suicide is first I cant leave my sisters and my mom and second Im just a fucking pussy who cant do shit. Any ideas how i can be satisfied without my family-drama shit?",0.8973570019723844,2.4135246923076963,3.2572544378698254,91.77684812623276,80.18343195266272,6.163471400394478,22.509270216962527,7.03164865440522,0.5982541222879685,599,19,138,7,15,207,99,169,0.229,0.529,0.243,0.0066,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,13,3,1,8,0,17,6,3,7,2,25,27,12,3,3,5,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,2,0,1,10,8,0,4,4,0,21,5,10,22,3,11,0,2,0,2,15,4,3,0,7,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796915641719285,0.0,0.08964816808742375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784672361408628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009467125742847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115257220882594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162219313583846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104740088507736,0.1318685930887259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996796847237513,0.0,0.0,0.09053882365765437,0.10833801746363657,0.0,0.22483398524937168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229049915450616,0.5063307278919472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481694260542922,0.0,0.0,0.08277304430226955,0.05725192592032311,0.0,0.1034787687393695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057663546304706,0.2217714189643818,0.07822361102644164,0.11880979973986988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117459868186558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689309613839802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124446312141658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881865663203645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690271534180547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507335625379695,0.12048833655720526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24058270722839795,0.09693876650143288,0.0,0.0,0.11945796689666018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818417811333369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419092746186204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912026331030945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296463285194125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546495107752876
suicidewatch,Itotsight,2019/01/21,"Falling to serious selfharm again I don't know if i kill myself. I just need to die. I don't know. I have promised myself i can cut again tomorrow if i feel like this, but not now. I need sleep. I don't want to exist. This is too much again. I can't handle this feeling from years ago. I'm falling again. I just want to slice my skin open to see inside of my flesh as much as i can. I want to see the real ugly me what i am inside and the pain i deserve to feel. I haven't cared if i die or do some nerve damage to myself. It hasn't been in my mind anymore. I'm just addicted to it. Been 12 years. I just can't never completely stop it, but atleast i have still little bit of room in my body that i haven't cut.

But i want to stop existing. I just don't know when i will do it. The sooner the better. I want to die first from my family, expecially before my mom.

Oh how the life sucks",-0.790493770189201,1.071577299492386,1.8586179049377023,97.68623788647899,88.18781725888327,5.0031379787724966,16.06114443931703,6.351523495107088,-0.5737390862944163,676,14,169,7,22,233,94,197,0.268,0.6829999999999999,0.049,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,2,14,11,4,0,5,0,20,7,4,1,1,35,39,12,4,10,13,1,4,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,9,2,0,2,6,0,0,2,11,7,0,1,2,6,34,4,19,36,4,22,0,1,2,0,1,5,1,5,16,115,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575986701329502,0.0,0.0,0.11852278242239185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326009620141611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377441960711092,0.0,0.0,0.11825257118186078,0.14597291458027534,0.1485178265938977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632273102303225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018876580449835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162988443271096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604662857157434,0.0,0.20281813576738572,0.09551998058698616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373071663831752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479264788631914,0.0,0.22044485687983156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444088505016336,0.06532226282504207,0.13400908142660894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500549234586487,0.1565954864444541,0.0,0.0,0.1965793862319582,0.198283413960026,0.1031227282248091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422731880968679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218731730767435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309360645350892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338031036386872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677821745473057,0.2235693128126844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943179145428008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220525909383955
suicidewatch,floatyz,2019/01/21,Death by sliced jugular ? How long of a death would a quick slice to the jugular take y’all think ?,1.7035000000000018,3.877894350000002,1.2900000000000027,103.625,80.5,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.8489999999999998,77,2,18,0,2,22,17,20,0.35200000000000004,0.648,0.0,-0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5881927867038476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49973276811177203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258797617972799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721470476836641,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackJackBob,2019/01/21,"This is the week. Shit just keeps unraveling. I'm tired. I dont sleep well and when I do I have horrible dreams.  I'm nearing the end of my ability to push on. 

No job. No money. Burned bridges with friends and family. Even have to give my cat away. I'll be homeless soon. 

I'm okay with it. ",-2.057795698924732,-0.5685505967741911,0.5088709677419345,100.61663978494623,111.41935483870968,4.6473118279569885,16.456989247311828,6.42735559955562,-0.1991978494623652,221,7,55,4,12,74,46,62,0.231,0.627,0.142,-0.7363,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,2,1,6,3,2,0,0,6,11,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,8,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26589293075235504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316802728340824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506588230544264,0.0,0.0,0.18692242677589588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667923459089946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186493041281288,0.0,0.0,0.2714846097681379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28083923486657425,0.2515482420788916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905010215267103,0.0,0.0,0.2832098273013239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252731262725349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270098966752111,0.0,0.2544558818820737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4644646556,2019/01/21,Is it smarter to create a new life instead if running away I'm thinking about just randomy moving to another country and not telling anyone. So I can start over and never have to deal with this life again. So I can get away from all my problems a d still exist in this planet. Is this a good idea?,1.7212021857923503,3.8444657377049225,2.8831967213114744,92.4994398907104,80.14754098360656,4.722404371584699,24.92076502732241,5.46131890053228,0.4825715846994538,234,9,48,1,6,75,47,61,0.044,0.8170000000000001,0.139,0.698,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,2,11,9,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,10,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596055645357565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731112570385068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652125746459602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552405178479318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934851172236295,0.0,0.0,0.20765543616498766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794837524326781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497412311500316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631346566218669,0.0,0.0,0.19094627242077325,0.2391109427430971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368972907087454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523593291221615,0.0,0.19771492618259126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639278812391144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863703531076534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ASwingAndAMistake,2019/01/21,Oh god I need to die so bad I can't do this. I can't keep living. Everything hurts so bad. I just need to make it stop. I need everything to stop. How can I stop the voices in my head that are ripping me apart inside. Death is the only way I can silence them. I need to end it. I wish I never existed. ,-2.3069117647058803,-0.5235484558823522,1.1178823529411763,99.15947058823532,99.73529411764706,4.484705882352942,14.152941176470588,6.2581,-0.7198047058823529,227,5,58,3,10,81,43,68,0.343,0.595,0.062,-0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,1,2,1,13,14,3,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,13,0,5,14,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,36,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033253897229877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851473901872032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088006196311572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32649453824545954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641612721347925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944505075626592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145091674502007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039238053447455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212468155485534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5387381667345315,0.14009278043724102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381462083783436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555801692536664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417821579854084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887825048963415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ruinedlife84,2019/01/21,"Thinking about ending it I am a 24 year old male and I am a complete and utter failure. I have no girlfriend and no job,in fact I have never had a job in my entire life. I also have never been in a real relationship(Ive had a few flings but not a live in girlfriend) . My parents make around 180k combined(most of that made by my dad) and I have an IQ of 103 which isn't really enough to go to college/university for anything worthwhile. My entire life I thought that I was somehow going to become successful as that is pretty much the norm in the community I am in. My depression has quickly spiraled out of control and I don't know what else to do besides calling it quits. I feel like a complete and utter embarrassment with no power over my situation.Outside of STEM,there really aren't many careers that guarantee a middle class income and I have no idea where to start as my entire life I have been living off my parents. I am desperately searching for answers and will take any advice seriously. ",5.937125850340138,6.357122474489795,6.914693877551024,74.57911564625853,66.60204081632654,9.186394557823132,33.17006802721089,9.075114841892004,2.9206272108843527,799,33,144,13,12,268,115,196,0.129,0.778,0.093,-0.6059,6,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,6,5,0,1,11,0,22,3,0,3,3,27,32,12,0,0,2,3,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,7,1,22,2,25,24,3,20,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,1,8,111,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784231122576504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128057225241087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959257149511725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160804550526206,0.1255734082992217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578981382728554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403814827128195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29579769234019004,0.0,0.15821091288745276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214948698375114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783762514479933,0.0,0.12493739250051328,0.14575280592325549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132423222413806,0.10077337391432983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603354274931697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923969926434922,0.0,0.0,0.27996079522363665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752294983495422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29890479133714315,0.06891484667549166,0.0,0.2491173307171101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347449093857788,0.09415872171344594,0.14301281574376765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369541467066387,0.0,0.21758851261492684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480188612001745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132611274099503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435088483739313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003479509980802,0.0,0.1605572921792919,0.1807334426738804,0.0,0.0,0.1514457725942185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984307500655376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605965088288212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038562555137857,0.0,0.11198597426795044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083808883772873
suicidewatch,Throwaawwaayy12,2019/01/21,"i don’t know why i should stay alive anymore there’s no way my life’s going to change at all, it’s getting worse and worse every day and i don’t think the future is bright. i believe i was born to kill myself ",-1.5377507598784206,0.4346099361702116,0.5860182370820688,102.82000000000002,98.57446808510643,2.685714285714286,13.097264437689967,3.1291,-1.707477811550152,165,3,40,0,7,54,36,47,0.264,0.625,0.111,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,9,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,3,7,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625895995885395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983152388916723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801010520405421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707605372622774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230877101873512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833608852300913,0.0,0.1504799959747919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929387107242831,0.0,0.14551560265263105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702122377861224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822191623533683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965967885955718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016922960711826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892184540744446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396648019493521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Royallyscrew-ed,2019/01/21,"Chronic depression & anxiety: after 13 years of this, 7 years of treatment, a myriad of self-help books, countless medications, I’m getting very tired and need hope I’m getting close and am in desperate need of some hope. 

If someone suffering from depression were suicidal, we would tell them to seek help. We would tell them that medication and therapy can help and that there’s always hope. We would even tell them that it’s the depression that is colouring their view of reality and making life unbearably painful, and once the depression lifts, which it will with the help of medication and therapy, they will see how irrational they were. 

I’m all for that. Suicide is a permanent solution to what is often seen as a temporary problem. After all, this too shall pass, right? But what if it doesn’t pass? What if you don’t get better and there’s a real possibility you never may? 

I see my doctor this Friday to start on another antidepressant and a part of me is wondering, “what’s the point?” What are the odds that I’ll find a medication that works for me now after so many years?

I’m not pessimistic. I’ve explored every possible method that I know of to get better, from CBT to transactional analysis to even rogerian therapy.  At some point over the years, I thought maybe I needed some tough love, so I decided to push myself, only to end up aggressive and self-destructive. Then I thought I needed compassion. I practiced being kind to myself, only to end up feeling helpless and pathetic. They told me to fight depression, so I hated it and fought it like an enemy I needed to kill. When that didn’t work, I thought maybe the answer lied in acceptance. Accepting my demons. That didn’t work either. 

For nearly 2-3 years, I gave up most of my negative coping mechanisms. I didn’t cut, hardly drank, ate properly, exercised, came up with goals. And I was so miserable. Not only was I uncomfortable, I was not getting better in the slightest. 

It’s dark in here. I know there’s a whole world out there, a world that is beautiful and filled with colours, I only normal people don’t experience reality the way I do. I know my eyes have adjusted to the darkness in the tunnel. It’s all I see now. I’m aware that the problem isn’t with the external world; the problem is with me. The world is the same as it was when I was 4 and everything was so big and colourful. Or when I was 11, and my best friend and I would sneak off after school to the second hand bookshop near my place. The smell of the old books. The collection of Enid Blyton books. It’s that same world, it has not changed and it it still out there. I might have lost the emotional memory of what “okay” feels like, but intellectually I know I was okay once. What I don’t know is if I will ever be okay again. 

So what is the point? Therapy hasn’t worked. Medication hasn’t worked so far and there is a very low chance that I will find a combination that work. My own efforts have failed. I’m finding it increasingly hard to live with myself. Every single day is filled with dread, anxiety, pain, self-loathing, emptiness, helplessness, worthlessness, depression. I’m losing energy. 

I need hope. Dealing with chronic depression requires a radically different approach from dealing with any other kind of depression, but I don’t know what that approach is.  I need to know that there’s a way. I need to know that there are people who have recovered even after years and years of this, even after everyone else has given up hope that they will ever get better. ",4.241010551948055,6.198249186011907,5.136698051948052,79.99693831168833,72.02083333333333,9.053939393939393,27.545562770562768,9.573946990214177,2.6216448809523807,2791,103,524,70,55,909,276,672,0.157,0.732,0.111,-0.9872,1,0,1,0,1,1,93.0,3,2,8,17,33,51,6,2,35,3,58,18,2,2,6,113,114,43,3,25,13,0,5,2,1,12,13,0,0,0,48,37,2,1,23,4,0,11,17,30,0,1,25,15,61,21,72,75,16,74,1,17,9,1,29,32,0,18,31,358,109,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04096216287412858,0.053339198853577074,0.0,0.03347715577859355,0.05162050973255106,0.07531953273883385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166240887318672,0.17415488698571932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563044368135929,0.0,0.0,0.05207736190069537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031748393062363975,0.10150510956321047,0.33920436753966365,0.0,0.0,0.05143343942859424,0.0,0.0503875876822582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041124202572375416,0.05537558152843138,0.08720390676139225,0.0,0.0,0.13006018042811154,0.0890602264777296,0.08295448613554338,0.047040064567488916,0.04424351738158274,0.04815504530463402,0.0,0.0,0.04978294786067408,0.03516894232773441,0.0,0.0,0.13498222490844294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803391657690131,0.0,0.15431956060407734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819836402561666,0.048603079211455937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198764904646101,0.0,0.0,0.2444756813756467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446418405777178,0.10252808300291237,0.21643813606075266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034771636460758475,0.04810124290004315,0.0,0.04346978123545468,0.0,0.0,0.0550742435516929,0.05373886375636156,0.0,0.04443075960285232,0.0,0.032860492062204226,0.04991010297318495,0.09891354902970947,0.0,0.0,0.2479633225484548,0.0,0.05222379573494855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29201923648868555,0.037968153462031286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048233604101573936,0.0,0.0,0.05165716489150536,0.10485376627530914,0.0,0.14976236244397867,0.10476546406759546,0.0,0.0,0.053309807811761104,0.0,0.06825786564378576,0.0,0.05143343942859424,0.0,0.13961089924945852,0.11099576471118032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413154481782472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603295721497895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042040980106192574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982200064527143,0.11768653076118965,0.0,0.15406858894608516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171125752023305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03484427691896338,0.0,0.03931404663659793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769625978963156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908397451394807,0.0,0.2251889098922852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172460973836064,0.0,0.056581067105101863,0.0,0.047040064567488916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812375489752658,0.0,0.07815078844513614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054962006119331656,0.0,0.0,0.053386348097273634,0.21503416892801605,0.0,0.0,0.13988242214958013,0.0,0.0,0.22191136094620648
suicidewatch,sk8200,2019/01/21,"I wish my husband would leave me I wish my husband would leave me. He’s the only reason I haven’t killed myself. I know he would be so mad at me and so upset. If he left, I could kill myself without a second thought. I love my dogs but I know they’ll be fine. Everyone else will also be fine. I just really hate life. Happiness is never happy enough or lasts long enough to negate the shitty feelings and hopelessness I have on a regular basis. I find little to no joy in life. I have, so, and mean nothing. I’m just tired of trying. I’m just living each day to get through it and to get to the end. I just want it to end. ",-0.3106672932330809,1.8161294511278208,2.0248073308270698,95.35119595864664,89.07518796992481,4.828759398496241,16.58317669172932,6.322622252153567,-0.364924436090226,479,11,109,5,16,162,80,133,0.241,0.611,0.14800000000000002,-0.937,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,12,4,1,5,0,13,4,0,1,1,28,27,11,2,8,8,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,1,21,6,12,17,3,11,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,2,6,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834218836776843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081686389993904,0.0,0.0,0.08737248985670365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317498700050285,0.0,0.2399876568243341,0.2799712213375216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945560917707688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850205140224629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382498702093432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156395482321724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884389802109859,0.0,0.1337570703835585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997739986268758,0.0,0.14891099220695386,0.11043314199997743,0.0,0.28690455403849896,0.14719789652079585,0.0,0.1913850850971159,0.0,0.1357851498267674,0.11963008687108295,0.119894298727335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222747269476069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757591353142654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448944917378084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299953716517279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303758105055247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679106100465774,0.13929456587945266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075548761818652,0.0,0.15571272227892344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198107711084016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990878906948648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115874104279392,0.1305965369135302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887203334918636,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UniqueUserName_90,2019/01/21,"How much Abilify, Tramadol, Lyrica, and/or Vybrd does it take to OD? Those are the only 3 medications I can think of that might do the job. Don't try to talk me out of it, I've decided I'm doing it. If I survive my parents might actually kill me, so this needs to be thorough.

Mods, sorry if this breaks rules, I understand ",1.9109090909090904,3.781606151515156,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,78.3939393939394,7.4303030303030315,24.63636363636364,8.344100000000001,1.6223818181818181,250,9,52,5,6,87,51,66,0.095,0.905,0.0,-0.7184,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,10,13,4,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,34,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.2383359586642166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137297483930317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423633447390384,0.0,0.2702073808762078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460388275278659,0.0,0.5181847597307725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953919236161536,0.1810955089618619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575003192417416,0.0,0.0,0.27119159507726515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733985974324484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363265263121234,0.19630505421428987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564945013637602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658180232450913,0.0,0.0,0.2542549334565188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mymemission,2019/01/21,"Help others in your situation by sharing your story in a blog I work for My Me Mission Services LLC, a company dedicated to helping people overcome their insecurities and actualize their potential to become the best version of themselves possible - the ""Me"" the want to be.

My Me Mission Services LLC has always been a very personal company that helped individuals one-on-one to improve their lives. Lately, we've decided to open a blog in order to reach and help people on a much more grand scale.

Suicidal thoughts is a real problem that many people face. Over the last two years, we've helped dozens of suicidal men and women improve their lives and reduce their suicidal tendencies.

A huge component of the mentality of many suicidal people is the feeling that they are alone. Many feel that the problems they're dealing with are unique when most are very common. In order to show this, we would like to interview (formerly) suicidal men and women and share their stories in the Stories section of our blog. We not only want to help people know that they are not alone, we want to share real world examples of how others in their situation have curved those thoughts and improved their lives.

You can choose to make your identity confidential in the way you want. If you're in Las Vegas, we can interview you in person and you have the option to have your video interview posted.

Just send me a DM/PM and we can set something up.

Thank you.",8.002918238993715,8.24047188301887,7.909056603773589,69.82484276729559,62.24528301886792,11.142138364779878,36.15723270440253,10.793553405168565,4.054715723270442,1159,49,194,27,15,373,135,265,0.115,0.7140000000000001,0.171,0.7923,0,2,1,0,0,0,27.0,6,9,10,2,3,10,0,1,18,0,16,1,1,2,0,40,27,12,5,8,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,16,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,2,32,7,33,22,6,28,0,0,0,0,45,16,0,3,7,130,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.08740586880383236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553176534715354,0.0,0.0,0.07452811023780766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892129562697616,0.0,0.0,0.09399654299220064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234112000474573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905769804569256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36021498993074025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922446757013605,0.07301022626309876,0.1010370921292535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375861138541312,0.0,0.2372716981194028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978762357852325,0.2724249938507422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902639122954976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584310307457379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060693887276267774,0.06812082831171054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31047736364224826,0.15641539925057865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097494868306063,0.08578179843597836,0.0,0.0,0.17140978504963214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389696828757364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135733969380307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895415453478762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898666329256902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246257788484705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221465954014342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874953428348485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780667280881976,0.21131912629542435,0.07109525190733226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520688493268219,0.0,0.0,0.06362684393845766,0.0,0.0,0.0576791333101438
suicidewatch,14Kevin01,2019/01/21,"I've set the date. Finally, after 17 years of being a burden to everyone, I've finally built up the courage to do this.

As you could figure out, I'm 17 years old and I've dealt with depression since I was 9 years old. It was at 9 that I confessed to my mother and friends that I did not want to live anymore. I had no particular reason to feel this way (I was bullied for a while but I don't think it had a significant impact on me) yet I did, and this thought has never left my mind. At times it got better but in recent times, it has just been getting worse and worse and I can't take it. So yesterday I decided that I will commit suicide on Friday by jumping in front of a train.

​

There's train station very close to my school so there is constantly trains passing by, I'm not sure exactly what time schedule they follow though, but I'll figure that out on Thursday. Then on Friday, I'm going to wake up as early as I can (to avoid being recognized by classmates) and drop off my school material in my locker (because I don't want to make my parents go to school to drop off their dead son's school material) and then, there won't be any more struggling or suffering.

​

It feels strange knowing that I'm going to die soon. As I walked home from school, the only thing that was in my mind, was the fact that I'm going to be dead soon. It's in a way a sad feeling but also a very peaceful one. It's comforting knowing that there is nothing I have to worry about. I don't have to worry about turning in my assignments in time, or studying for the biology test, or fighting with my parents,  I don't have to do anything or worry about anything. All there is to do, is just wait. Honestly, I'm extremely eager for this to be over with. I  could just do it tomorrow but not only do I want to get rid of some stuff and write my letter, perhaps (speaking optimistically), a reason to live will show up. Not very likely at all but one last chance I guess.

​

You could very well make the argument that what I'm about to do, is extremely selfish, which objectively speaking maybe it is. However, it's about damn time I do something that makes me happy. I don't know why I'm such an ungrateful asshole, I have more than anyone could ask for, except for what's ultimately important, inner peace and happiness. It just goes to show, materialistic things do not have to equate to hapiness and should not be expected to. I want to feel happy for once, I want to feel peace and not have to wake up everyday anxious for what the day has in store. I can't go on with my life feeling worthless every single second I spend awake. My existence has been simply a slow, torturous death that is about to be complete. I just want to be happy, and this is going to be the only way.

​

Since it's happening on Friday, I guess I could speak to some people for a bit but I doubt any of it will change my mind. I don't even know why I'm making this, I guess the feeling of knowing you're about to die soon is just strange but exhilarating.",4.723368185212845,5.090295792880261,5.731423948220067,82.1948431665422,69.22653721682848,8.73328354493403,29.276574558127948,8.69343788997812,2.0610141399054016,2392,83,494,37,39,793,247,618,0.174,0.703,0.123,-0.9876,3,1,1,0,3,4,82.0,0,2,2,1,29,25,3,3,20,0,66,3,2,6,7,101,117,35,6,13,26,4,7,1,1,5,1,3,1,0,39,19,0,2,20,2,2,11,18,12,1,3,13,10,51,13,94,85,8,79,1,4,0,0,17,29,1,10,34,338,90,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475946947411413,0.0,0.24257540770245875,0.2720404109065567,0.07612351597184193,0.0,0.0,0.06323056530431666,0.05550754851121352,0.03913577079550715,0.0,0.09211765978199607,0.0,0.05232472274410014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034119006472304376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950122707821588,0.06110512709947419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920920995555265,0.0,0.058683848144248874,0.060484065600804764,0.0,0.22343885462766053,0.0,0.0,0.036096246084151566,0.0,0.04820718130315905,0.0,0.11617677552083608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0369678889673283,0.0,0.04715743469993999,0.0534820689383272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198102038309542,0.0,0.0,0.12262556742530235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324255434305428,0.0,0.05848439661414213,0.0,0.1908554418672992,0.0,0.044764602684514584,0.0,0.1849729553429063,0.0,0.049494396545422176,0.23832591762082295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056142825597662566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537992057955808,0.045623306329199184,0.0,0.0,0.060811950129820685,0.0,0.03953351415206206,0.027344286327545923,0.0,0.0988456907168184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944257564074814,0.0,0.05622974050717725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695422974729563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316778515480133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370506131434793,0.0,0.11746293629858018,0.05960659714161065,0.0758539167249397,0.1277039221710274,0.0,0.0,0.1242969022846834,0.0,0.0,0.038802794059800964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150936853560208,0.05526396930021031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832249166381224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925985054596514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043088710664653584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851236333250843,0.06407266110719799,0.06122247963972704,0.0,0.052751393436717635,0.0,0.04208273835676204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436842837862788,0.03586354093783686,0.0549905856816672,0.04443420674606297,0.16318380885214376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087966959840109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472560506129546,0.1980765789737264,0.13327997825802668,0.0,0.0,0.05032406731899503,0.0,0.10100907229473674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052182492157344,0.11407713870212807,0.0,0.0,0.2720404109065567,0.1081292129541629
suicidewatch,ImAdriax,2019/01/21,"I don't wanna die, I just want to take a break... Hi, I'm a 19y/o Boy. 

I don't know how to explain, I am currently searching on the internet on how to slit my wrists, and at the same time I'm thinking that I'm ovbiously not going to do it. But at the same time I just can't see any good reason to be alive.

and it's just because I wanna take a break. 

I just don't know... ",-0.1112315270935973,0.6746841494252891,2.955993431855504,96.00620689655176,81.06896551724137,6.3507389162561605,20.47454844006568,6.868970318607317,0.05731001642036127,279,7,76,3,7,101,48,87,0.033,0.871,0.096,0.5632,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,0,7,1,1,3,0,20,19,5,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,11,18,2,10,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,3,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274238401649928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070476933507224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246792252842693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779456272264435,0.2623959121761246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438581025385009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216523132870246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492935111368892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704345021200421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045566999850492,0.0,0.0,0.3648398220695877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452153315448652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gunner_vin,2019/01/21,"I'm in big trouble Hi,

I met a girl three months ago. I fell in love with her and asked her to marry me. We decided to get married and our families came together and we planned our wedding which is scheduled for March 8th. Now, here is when the hard part. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 5 years which I have been managing. Being in a relationship has triggered my anxiety again and made me depressed again. This has affected my relationship badly and also started affecting my mental health. I no longer think its right for me to get married, but the whole world knows and everyone in mine and her family is pumped for the wedding. I've been thinking about this for a month now about how its going to hurt my girlfriend, her family, my family and everyone else to call off the wedding. Moreover, I don't have such a great life and to add all this shame it will make things more hellish for me to face anyone. I think about killing myself everyday for spoiling mine and her life for wanting to get married.",6.383409475465312,6.871431837563453,6.3262055837563445,78.94670262267346,65.6497461928934,10.221489001692053,33.67554991539763,10.125756701596842,3.3035214890016924,820,34,155,18,12,259,115,197,0.205,0.782,0.012,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,4,0,0,1,12,11,2,1,8,0,14,5,1,6,1,30,31,15,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,9,16,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,9,0,1,6,1,28,2,25,23,4,24,1,4,0,1,21,8,0,0,13,111,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145611924969452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335113378518787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773257516714168,0.0,0.0,0.09036582271405398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081956028826205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790786384510076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196587548095765,0.14781320169750842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262403477105586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796129743033353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698382384314854,0.0,0.0,0.4873342250072255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025636843945352,0.0,0.07344861522344477,0.0,0.0,0.14248473344759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577136109424163,0.0,0.0,0.13737335491857386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835135208328375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298207883820094,0.0,0.0710255169732407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256845124097626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166418350385563,0.12228759021471285,0.08626699450259574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024094218348609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063121826416778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399515530298832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775052888161958,0.0,0.1103680673082829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690654557024654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147492495623656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585961229052139,0.2484303988201124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622759032426732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428898601921825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322467391007088
suicidewatch,snakeshedsmoon,2019/01/21,"suffering, same as I always am. The only thing that has kept me alive for years now, is the fact that I don't want to hurt the people that love me. I don't want to pass my pain on to other people. I wanted to help the people who hurt. I wanted to make good memories in the brains of those I love to look back on and cherish. I wanted to make people feel loved and whole. And I do. Everyone tells me all of the time how much of a beautiful presence I am and that they feel loved and understood... I wanted to dedicate the time and energy I had to healing the planet and the ones on it. I wanted others to realize that the loving awareness and the beauty they see within me is merely a reflection. I wanted to override my brain with acts of service. The world is suffering, so many are hurting. I don't really know how to explain it, I am so fucking tired. It's ironic, isn't it? We tell others not to let what others may think or feel influence are choices, yet I have been here much longer then I have wanted because I don't want to hurt others- which is inevitable. I am at my peak of suffering. I can't take care of myself, I merely just take up other people's resources. They want to help me. They want me to get better... they have hope. I know I have potential, I know I can do it, I know it will override and I will make a of pleasant memories and find the joy in life. I just don't want to. It's selfish. It's fucked but I really don't care anymore. The only reason I would get better is to make those around me happy... my only motivation for getting out of the place I am now is do that I can become independent and properly off myself. I had to move back in with my parents because I became homeless and can't fucking take care of myself properly. I want Make sure my last moments  with others is absolutely amazing so that they have memories to look back on, so that hopefully the love and light overtake the pain of me being gone.... properly clean my stuff up, give everything away to those I love and those in need, volunteer my last energy for those that need it, finish writing the book I'm writing, and make it look accidental. We have such a weird view of death in our society. I am not afraid not have I been for a very long time. It's merely just a transformation of energy. My physical body will die and my spirit will probably always be swimming in this fishbowl somehow. Even if not, it's a chance I'm willing to take. I just don't want anyone to feel as if they could have saved me. No one fucking saves you, but yourself. I know I am so fucking blessed to have so many people that support me and love me, I know I could call any one of them and they would do anything they could for me to help. I am just so far past that point, now. Nothing anyone could say or do would help, more then temporarily.  I love these people dearly and I love the earth dearly and I have so much hope and joy for everyone and everything, yet I am done being here just for others. Sure I get joy and pleasure out of things, sure I have moments where I'm glad I didn't kill myself earlier, but temperance and time rips me to shreds, even in its illusionary matter. I'm going to die eventually, so why not go out the way I desire? 



",3.125090909090908,4.372440115151516,4.647696969696971,85.2515454545455,73.6060606060606,7.764848484848485,24.715151515151515,8.302211771458257,1.4264642424242422,2516,76,525,41,50,844,241,660,0.09,0.685,0.225,0.9988,1,0,0,0,0,1,76.0,3,1,10,4,33,56,7,1,27,0,70,23,3,12,5,121,149,46,4,30,18,1,4,0,0,9,5,1,1,0,45,33,0,1,18,2,0,7,17,19,0,3,9,11,93,37,74,123,7,56,2,7,5,15,38,26,5,9,22,390,138,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037868833573586,0.0,0.0,0.03284555406611563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047900472342265236,0.06754475587062594,0.0,0.0397466608864045,0.042997106392774265,0.0,0.0,0.045379298723792816,0.1114188091346962,0.0,0.05888628014411493,0.053343389263440164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543458402200052,0.0,0.05365024459124658,0.0,0.10783721196153054,0.049319546787175074,0.0,0.1477347473458026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425399915281812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025523684450144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049427515589269236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380319039576075,0.0,0.0,0.0923051524593968,0.08681758103005457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768742101884034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414518759714765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326216375554056,0.1009387118547974,0.04633361695898165,0.054899835306114635,0.04051162235467015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051416088134098516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949748453801174,0.0,0.0,0.14391794685752038,0.0,0.0,0.20682395224589856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343662747121142,0.0,0.15926600545838118,0.07874164799560604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938986872972133,0.03411561223697069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274384707386927,0.12167912735149285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359250010322659,0.0,0.19344314836180573,0.09793693326237624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133509641915281,0.10651784093683027,0.07162745308972818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046345008438048584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818768449307697,0.11020263650657047,0.10278889093960146,0.0,0.05363126718624523,0.0,0.04610767177732639,0.2343952398297751,0.0,0.05046306283398217,0.0,0.045658969854395465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207540713790312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188424100796956,0.04966028981672393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038409979092760865,0.0,0.0,0.03848872680557842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529177226482368,0.0,0.054810097056600164,0.13656611020144313,0.0,0.14526190392556354,0.0,0.08443239507377885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417654791525433,0.03094859342313612,0.0,0.0,0.1126561231007854,0.055513572031333926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03985243436917075,0.4273275413552428,0.038338172516221534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358310179015082,0.05392505729919357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029324823022556,0.0,0.0,0.031103519631841593
suicidewatch,RantDep09,2019/01/21,"Tonight. Lately I've been thinking a lot about killing myself.

 I've had a lot of suicide ideation. A few weeks ago I put a blade to my wrist and tried to cut but I could't. The pain associated with it and the statistics of success puts me off it, but at the same time I keep telling myself to fight through the initial fear as once I'm unconscious or dead I won't remember it .

Ive spent these past few days looking at ways to do it, and the stats about it and I've been planning to do it tonight, its a scary thought but I might or might not do it tonight. I hate feeling like shit everyday, avoiding doing college work, avoiding looking after myself, sleeping to much. It all is too much.

On the other hand there is a part of me that doesn't want to go through with it, its almost like a call for help. I am currently going to CBT and I'm not too sure on it. I don't want to leave my family, boyfriend and my only close friend alone. 

But it all comes back to the same thought. 

Does it matter when I'm dead. I won't be around and I won't be aware of it, as selfish as it could be seen as, I'm tired of fighting this horrible mental battle just to try to make others happy of my existence. I feel like I have so much left to live for, but at the same time I'm stunting and not letting the knowledge and aspirations grow to aid me in the life I would like to have, due to the depression killing all forms of motivation and goals.

 I'm still young.

I'm only 17 but Ive been avoiding college and my attendance is going to shit and everything is piling up, I deal with bad social anxiety as well as depression and its a constant and blurred battle between the two. I just need someone to talk to, I wish I could talk to my boyfriend, but I don't want those close to me think I'm constantly at risk.

I just wish I could fall asleep forever, not exist and have no thoughts, no worries, no problems. But each time I think about this suicide becomes more and more of a possibility. 

I Just wish I had someone to talk to, without the judgement and the worrying about me.

I'm sorry.

<3 

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suicidewatch,DepressedSendHelp,2019/01/21,"I want to live, but I don't want to live. Can I be depressed even if I don't want to commit suicide? I just feel hopeless.  I haven't been able to eat or sleep recently, my body is numb, I can't think properly, I feel nauseous, I've got a bad headache and my heart keeps beating rapidly. I never thought I'd be emotional or cry, but I actually cried yesterday. I have lost my appetite and sexual desire and I don't feel like playing video games, watching movies or having fun anymore. Yet, I don't feel too suicidal though. I want to live, I want to survive, I want to enjoy things, but life isn't easy. All that matters to me now is money, survival, my family and the future. I used to think I was depressed in high school, but I've never experienced these symptoms before. Even if you don't want to commit suicide, can you still be depressed?

The only time I feel good is whenever I hug my family or see a ray of hope. A promise of a decent future where I could settle down. Hope is keeping me alive. 

I'm 18 and I study at a prestigious public university in my country for free, and my parents are happy about that, but I'm studying geography and environment science and I can't change my major there. I like the classes, campus, peers and teachers, but there are no jobs nor internships in this sector, even from my university. I've been really concerned about money and I don't want to end up being broke my entire life.

Some of my classmates have decided to pay about $15,000 for a 4-year degree in Computer Science at a lesser-known private university but I can't afford it. I can't afford to go abroad either.

I don't know what to do now. Should I stick to this degree? Should I do some work on the side? Should I somehow save up money and study CS? Should I give up on higher education? Should I just kill myself? 

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suicidewatch,UnterMensch88,2019/01/21,"Dear mother, dear father; I am sorry, I have been a mistake. Ever since the inception of my life - or much rather ever since I can remember I have been cursed with the burden of my own consciousness - my life has been a downward spiral. 

***

Mother, remember my question I had addressed you on that winter afternoon in 2001 (20-something of January it was) - as it could have been formulated by a 3 year old - when you took me out to the park? I do remember it as it has been yesterday, despite 18 years having passed since then; hell, I do remember the scenery exactly, the clothing I had on myself, and the sheer terror I experienced as I looked down to my hands having the fatalistic revelation of the self.

> Mother, what is the reason I am? Why do I have to be?

I cried out in what was probably one of the many anxiety attacks I would so much experience later in life.

Well, you did not give me an answer then, as I remember the shocked expression on your face when I addressed myself to you like that. Truth is that that very question has plagued me ever since, lingering in the depths of my subconscious mind, and like a parasitic worm eroding all semblances of normality and happiness (however delusional that concepts seems to be at this very moment), ever slightly with each passing year.

At moments I had behaved - or much rather presented an illusion - like any average child, as I grew up. I had hobbies, I had passions - however autistic they really were... Unfortunately I never had the chance of having some if any real friends in life. Maybe it was my fault, maybe it was genetics, maybe it was the entourage that surrounded me... I don't know. 

Remember the days when I came from school beaten up and crying? It was my fault, for I never stood up for myself... Remember the day they have announced who the school valedictorian was? It was my fault, for I ended up in second place... Remember the day I got accepted - at what I thought it was my dream college? It was my fault for not realizing what a failure it will become for me; I did not even like what I did with that, but I guess the promise of a stable workplace was more appealing than my own comfort.

Looking in retrospect, all my life was a bad decision after another, failure that lead to more failure... And as a reaction I became ever more so reclusive and isolated from existence.

You asked me, why I spent all my change and all my savings on philosophy books, and fanatically began reading them in my spare time. Well, I guess, I tried to find meaning in what the wisdom of those who came before us. Well, I found only empty words and talking for talking's sake... the more I read, the more disconnected from any sort of sense and purpose I have become; all became only repeating patterns in the great canvass of nothingness; conclusions that were sometimes so evident...

As Sisyphus, with my own consciousness I have also been cursed by the gods. Oh, but Camus' nativity, so intoxicating. As if purpose has not turned itself into anything else than mere delusion.

***

Mother, Father; thank you for the beautiful moments we have spent together, thank you for all the occasions - however ephemeral they were - you were the only people in my life whom I had a connection with, who have accepted me for everything that I was; perhaps were sometimes even proud... despite me being at an impossibility to understand pride for an individual as mediocre as myself.

Perhaps that is the reason I became so sad and alienated from existence itself, my own mediocrity; my own incapacity to excel in anything, no matter the effort I had put into it. There was always someone, somewhere who was better. And honestly, at one point my drive to ever improve on anything that I did faded and faded, and look at me now. A wreck, a shell, a ghost. I cannot fight my own fate.

I'm sorry I cannot be right now with you; but soon enough I will be finally free. And maybe, if the delusion of religion is in fact no delusion at all, maybe who knows, we will meet again?",6.3913305726117375,7.170053633557045,7.096075967442527,72.41972725974584,65.68456375838926,10.313579894331003,34.106097386834215,10.297328927527833,3.6640629730115664,3147,136,547,74,47,1042,314,745,0.079,0.8,0.12,0.9889,3,0,1,0,1,0,130.0,3,10,4,10,27,42,4,1,46,0,77,10,2,3,18,104,103,44,1,9,14,6,1,4,1,4,7,0,2,2,41,30,0,0,28,4,3,9,12,14,3,3,48,5,98,29,92,45,24,89,1,1,3,1,41,40,1,12,44,442,139,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471577433310328,0.046526351332556934,0.0,0.0,0.11407380387767553,0.0586324989518376,0.042775366295712935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380415988605787,0.0,0.0522736422428002,0.06361219415422814,0.0,0.0,0.0466872835521452,0.0,0.12350902068834765,0.04758015215118897,0.0,0.0,0.04945290293311752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790535581926127,0.0,0.0,0.05915140867219192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044644145778161205,0.0,0.12284156709923436,0.1081830244952672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671040206136294,0.0,0.049524723780084164,0.05777587725381564,0.0,0.07386360026408635,0.303473774047979,0.0,0.0,0.05025343608463935,0.054696295289955725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125292887608655,0.051105947367727035,0.0,0.0,0.061308691620186526,0.04320034004668551,0.0,0.0,0.053639445623629885,0.0,0.0,0.04472090253235514,0.06164726939520094,0.1231949205538,0.0,0.0,0.05952331470453271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145962550287186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369695241951667,0.1092703690270006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086534493689967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056689755204336174,0.2808742392246214,0.06090860214187821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645892889846878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331344522349025,0.0,0.08625128769939182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478552529956046,0.0,0.0,0.05867413324758752,0.0,0.07577986652670314,0.1275792549005601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03876491395134618,0.0,0.05842001752812642,0.0,0.05285842097982479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060286594331169924,0.0,0.0,0.056210734141417404,0.12527678771892195,0.0,0.11186168629222176,0.06364432126294801,0.03582103662924944,0.11498132846550856,0.0,0.0,0.5067328086516847,0.0477517121543686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317937059309101,0.0,0.05090356375737785,0.05833228192111468,0.0,0.0,0.1850162176793028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737720095182854,0.04304664655373832,0.1106041369886589,0.12518612241038884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898858618055641,0.0,0.10295934938418463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439082913340835,0.03260490107314052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212441294950865,0.037963097745842736,0.06082023757699755,0.0,0.05821022770791175,0.0672597162872476,0.0,0.0,0.09227263600883344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150824819699538,0.0,0.10091046510146233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039720917192405836,0.0,0.0,0.10802365492894644
suicidewatch,Elephants_Foot,2019/01/21,"I don’t know how to do this Lately I’ve just felt like nothing really matters. I attempted at the end of November, and I just haven’t been able to come out of this low dark place I sunk to since. I went through the whole depressed and recluse thing where everything is a mess phase and have moved on in all ways but mentally/emotionally.

Like, my living space is super clean, I’m on top of all my work stuff, and am planning out stuff (things I’ve never really done or been good at) and everything is good. My job pays well, I’m well housed, I am not starving, and I’m living my life how I want to with full support from my family (I’m trans and that’s usually not the case for trans people). At the end of the day, though, I still don’t understand why killing myself is a bad thing. 

Right now I’m doing things because I’m supposed to, like I’m just going through the motions. I don’t see why living is a good thing. Like, I don’t want to get old, I don’t want to save money, get married, buy a house, have kids, and all of that. I don’t have reasons to live besides “don’t kill yourself”. How do I find something to live for? Right now my insides just feel like a vacuum.",2.0976315789473716,3.466073773279355,3.4629372469635618,92.23173380566804,76.44939271255059,6.88331983805668,23.281174089068827,7.554174236665415,0.7808511740890687,910,27,209,12,20,298,122,247,0.091,0.6920000000000001,0.218,0.9845,1,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,5,14,19,2,0,11,0,24,1,0,4,4,38,45,14,2,3,8,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,11,12,0,0,6,0,3,5,11,6,2,0,5,3,20,13,28,40,5,32,0,2,1,0,1,16,0,1,15,126,31,3,0.09545665012518724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797023156275919,0.05818948791972015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822274517734098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156164239911183,0.0,0.08221667287882414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768529491910877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073758832769825,0.16909251795216967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158056410437292,0.0,0.0899880343137227,0.0,0.0482657504547137,0.06819424992257431,0.09165335372190683,0.0,0.08724564887139424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974431972493768,0.0,0.05425021406550929,0.2401935276447517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202883159785828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472599604650384,0.0,0.2112172805683601,0.0,0.05246047850173556,0.0,0.10767925914023103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742385497194495,0.2331764877476277,0.0,0.4214498545372083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014553123623822,0.0,0.0,0.07362205329236055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159323027520776,0.0,0.10016569676947353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617762208366201,0.0,0.09973188246850227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230394875483333,0.0981453346113205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303891528126946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760665913356201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896272740535938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348719285634682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623180409635627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218550053179776,0.0,0.10832307534958018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31708578386210456,0.0,0.09378567408811164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937373923989633,0.0,0.0,0.10513201409894417,0.0,0.16890841632107892,0.07576904572804037,0.0,0.0,0.17165398469072524,0.08848927100530281,0.17226955881167982,0.10657394091126808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949357817435227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emotethrowaway73,2019/01/21,"I want a reason to live, but can’t find one I don’t know. I think I desperately want to be saved but I’m not patient enough to wait for that. I’ve endured a decade of shit piled on shit and I’ve had enough of it. I really seriously think if I can’t find someone to be there for me then I will die in the next two weeks. It’s my 19th birthday on Saturday and I’ll be disgusted with myself if I make it to my 20th. 

I’m really sick of people telling me that ‘it gets better’ and ‘hang in there’ because it doesn’t. I want someone to make an actual difference in my life or someone to tell me it’s okay and that I’m not a bad person for wanting to die. 

If anyone has a miracle cure, or they’re as ready as I am, please get in touch. I’d love to chat. ",-0.09573224852070794,1.4382356213017786,2.7033394970414237,94.49394415680477,83.31952662721893,6.355177514792899,19.438239644970416,7.413659706084162,0.24773639053254426,576,15,146,9,16,203,92,169,0.189,0.648,0.16399999999999998,-0.8691,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,3,0,6,1,11,5,2,3,0,28,27,14,2,7,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,5,0,2,1,1,17,4,24,22,2,11,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,5,4,87,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.13685053956467222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805658199708736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709157269269302,0.08548683436675145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402773813538265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910865758730343,0.14651723571500674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898034675242278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563471376334636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653550742900326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707028188090577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990531473709908,0.0,0.0,0.1238313489144968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656886550948354,0.0,0.18721783006066708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914304867414846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950278435041476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722229254975534,0.12244905334506995,0.0,0.1539375028155813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967811340819195,0.1441864203266854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28790138812561505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35646565063255603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451456656863255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971570106806828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699062820619198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308603512513333,0.0,0.11248921609219964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confessionscatfish,2019/01/21,"it’s time i had an extended family member die of suicide at the beginning of this month and it put a few things in perspective for me. 
her parents will never know why she did it, and they will constantly think they did something wrong. same with her husband. which is very sad and unfair. 
but i also was extremely jealous. 
she doesn’t have to feel suffering or pain anymore. 

i know what i need to do, which is end my life. it’ll make up for every bad thing i have done. but i need to make sure those in my life know it’s not about them. they didn’t do anything wrong. i did. 

i miss my parents. i need to see them again. 
and i also can’t live with the guilt anymore of how i hurt people emotionally. 

if anyone in my life ever reads this. i’m sorry but i need this. i need the pain to end. it’s no ones fault but my bad decisions. i could have had a good life but i chose a life of lying and deceit. all the money and freedom in the world isn’t changing my pain. 

until we meet again ",-0.2203846153846172,1.9848569615384648,1.8261538461538471,96.21884615384614,89.96153846153845,4.930769230769231,17.134615384615387,6.490185161304077,-0.2508615384615385,760,19,174,9,26,252,113,208,0.3,0.648,0.052000000000000005,-0.9958,2,1,1,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,5,0,7,16,1,1,9,0,22,8,0,3,4,37,38,17,2,7,8,3,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,6,1,1,1,7,14,0,1,8,2,32,2,21,26,3,19,0,4,1,0,14,7,0,2,11,124,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699356977714848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107423099215432,0.07429226257703574,0.0,0.08743445228491266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774281274520054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239809727988652,0.0,0.0,0.11481818275206945,0.0,0.08483174201242999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027041676841264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087303350010461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951661475155888,0.1882114000713666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610893902902286,0.08951995706162398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001627637518932,0.0,0.053723042146350056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911720966642006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137425042804452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751761738509043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752365360739399,0.0,0.0,0.09382043409485342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184500322867746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480749903731644,0.0,0.0,0.39391404144378334,0.08194632083131828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199754833336221,0.0,0.3391715245953583,0.0,0.23595544215283384,0.0,0.0,0.07366016578736502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681029760785836,0.0,0.0,0.1062784554079106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466725687994785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179621205191293,0.0,0.11893784341428147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162199297613932,0.0,0.10013908740887904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117516267702532,0.06808051933403908,0.0,0.0,0.06195505609898985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766713212079537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587383062920099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323347411536717,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jtv1224,2019/01/21,"it’s time i had an extended family member die of suicide at the beginning of this month and it put a few things in perspective for me. 
her parents will never know why she did it, and they will constantly think they did something wrong. same with her husband. which is very sad and unfair. 
but i also was extremely jealous. 
she doesn’t have to feel suffering or pain anymore. 

i know what i need to do, which is end my life. it’ll make up for every bad thing i have done. but i need to make sure those in my life know it’s not about them. they didn’t do anything wrong. i did. 

i miss my parents. i need to see them again. 
and i also can’t live with the guilt anymore of how i hurt people emotionally. 

if anyone in my life ever reads this. i’m sorry but i need this. i need the pain to end. it’s no ones fault but my bad decisions. i could have had a good life but i chose a life of lying and deceit. all the money and freedom in the world isn’t changing my pain. 

until we meet again ",-0.2203846153846172,1.9848569615384648,1.8261538461538471,96.21884615384614,89.96153846153845,4.930769230769231,17.134615384615387,6.490185161304077,-0.2508615384615385,760,19,174,9,26,252,113,208,0.3,0.648,0.052000000000000005,-0.9958,2,1,1,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,5,0,7,16,1,1,9,0,22,8,0,3,4,37,38,17,2,7,8,3,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,6,1,1,1,7,14,0,1,8,2,32,2,21,26,3,19,0,4,1,0,14,7,0,2,11,124,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699356977714848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107423099215432,0.07429226257703574,0.0,0.08743445228491266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774281274520054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239809727988652,0.0,0.0,0.11481818275206945,0.0,0.08483174201242999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027041676841264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087303350010461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951661475155888,0.1882114000713666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610893902902286,0.08951995706162398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001627637518932,0.0,0.053723042146350056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911720966642006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137425042804452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751761738509043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752365360739399,0.0,0.0,0.09382043409485342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184500322867746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480749903731644,0.0,0.0,0.39391404144378334,0.08194632083131828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199754833336221,0.0,0.3391715245953583,0.0,0.23595544215283384,0.0,0.0,0.07366016578736502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681029760785836,0.0,0.0,0.1062784554079106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466725687994785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179621205191293,0.0,0.11893784341428147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162199297613932,0.0,0.10013908740887904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117516267702532,0.06808051933403908,0.0,0.0,0.06195505609898985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766713212079537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587383062920099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323347411536717,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Treach666,2019/01/21,"I just want to die I just want to die already, not really die just disappear or fall into sleep/coma forever. There's so much things you should do and i fail even if I try and even if I did everything perfectly got perfect grades and perfect well paying job or won lottery or anything I still would not be happy so what's the point of being alive if you can't be happy whatsoever. Just kill me already. ",2.8076306620209093,4.619212585365859,4.376132404181185,84.55231707317077,75.58536585365854,7.612543554006969,25.12891986062717,8.418075326091056,1.6871651567944252,320,11,64,6,7,107,55,82,0.263,0.525,0.212,-0.8156,1,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,2,0,5,11,9,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,3,23,12,11,4,7,12,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,3,0,9,7,4,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,6,1,47,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885383982936546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486941158422142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481183895450564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325511236339241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158217213704253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079866262461327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748047392075217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469674654666734,0.0,0.19476687113225133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941277410147248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641871163095667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277844957571335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617137948367725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405891594159476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695597223325035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952248476727324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767091067698212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158284916014604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250567788713012,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crayfishhat,2019/01/21,"Leaving I'm going to kill myself. I'm 14. I have Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My whole life has been a series of wrong-place-wrong-time events. My parents divorced when I was 3. I don't remember that day too well, but I do remember how it felt to see my dad taken away in a police car. After that it became this cold war between my parents. My mom wouldn't say outright that my dad was a shitty guy (though he is) but she'd explain things about him and let me decide for myself. She ended up having to go to nursing school in order to support her family as a single mother, meaning my siblings and I spent a lot of time alone or in daycare. My dad was abusive to me and my siblings, physically and verbally. The really messed up thing was, about an hour after something happened, he'd come see me and try to apologize. And I accepted it, because in my eyes, he was my dad, and if I couldn't trust him, who could I trust? I've since learned better. My mom isn't abusive, but she did some things that weren't good for me as a kid. When I was younger, first learning I had my anxiety disorder, she was very supportive, and that meant so much to me. But around the time I was in fourth grade, we experienced some loss that threw any chance of our family ever being normal out the window. It was mental torture, and I don't think anyone's really ever recovered. My mom and stepdad especially. They became so easy to upset, and I always felt like I was a bad kid because of it. My mom would spend her time either at work or asleep, as she worked shifts. When I did see her, there was always a chance it would end in tears for me. This allowed for a lot of time with just our stepdad around. His intentions were never bad and he sincerely wanted to be a parent to us, but after the loss, my his patience was non-existent. As our issues grew more complex, it became too difficult for him to deal with. My little sister has severe ADD, and my brother has ADHD, and depression. I would be yelled at for one thing or another every day. It always ended the same way, with me in tears, alone. With everyone having issues, I was so easily swept under the rug. My depression festered, unchecked, and unknown by my parents who never had time to care. So many times I thought someone might come to my room to comfort me, but it never happened. Not once. Eventually I stopped crying, instead arguing back. I had always had some of my dads anger in me, but I seriously started to let it out. This drove a wedge between my family and I. I felt so often like I was a horrible kid because I had no one to tell me otherwise. When I did see my mom, I often ended up fighting with her. This continued into junior high. Junior high was a roller coaster for me. I ended up kicking my bad eating habits, opting to exercise instead. I was put on medication. But even with that added help, my depression worsened. The fights became more intense and frequent. The tears came back. Birthdays, holidays, it didn't matter. I was never stable. I felt so alone. My stepdad moved out a few times. I ended up moving to my dads for 8th grade because my mom almost called the police on me. I left all of my friends behind and dropped into the deep end of a new social situation. I didn't speak to my mom for 3 months after I left. I moved back in with my mom after the school year ended, another set of friends cut off. I was stupid for thinking this year might be better. Like maybe my family had put in some effort to make things a little easier for me. It was even worse. My house didn't feel like a home. The gym was an escape, but I couldn't stay there all day. I kept getting caught in all these moving parts. I couldn't take the hurt anymore. I attempted, but I couldn't even do that right. So I'm going to try again, and for the first time in my life, I can forget everything that's happened. For the first time, I'll be free. I have a tank of helium. I don't want to risk interruption, and in turn, brain damage, so I'm just waiting to get the house to myself. I honestly don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just want someone to know how I was feeling before I go. ",2.9462568178276456,4.619163543608128,4.451263830450369,84.75486676016834,74.8542413381123,7.289449898706561,24.555763336969505,8.04050195162591,1.4121931639914815,3254,104,648,51,69,1086,336,837,0.189,0.7040000000000001,0.107,-0.9976,5,3,1,0,4,1,116.0,5,0,1,11,40,45,9,2,36,0,72,8,3,5,9,126,124,54,2,14,19,21,6,4,2,6,4,3,4,4,35,40,1,3,21,4,3,18,20,25,1,5,49,16,121,21,103,55,19,116,0,8,5,0,67,41,0,15,56,465,156,10,0.0,0.10308388570424552,0.0,0.0,0.05228012497896669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043560281500527175,0.1351627237523795,0.0,0.0,0.1447863098736546,0.0,0.0,0.029582384755550868,0.0912298398517139,0.06655677118524021,0.0,0.043141613624455184,0.030417129702889387,0.0,0.0,0.07745078327045726,0.0,0.0,0.0408709158043768,0.1003494742147811,0.1089653386189232,0.10607198724916346,0.0,0.0370164135801098,0.0,0.0,0.07694675300291404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048561852371107724,0.044419704599617006,0.04975391351284873,0.044352488101844285,0.0,0.0,0.07494505904634773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03473225892182929,0.0,0.04778414997628838,0.08416424487965601,0.044847943857783006,0.14987046954774472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956882139562222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451270360254752,0.0,0.0,0.3082340135540713,0.0,0.0,0.08619662145688424,0.0786988567220325,0.0366517326365853,0.041567369049052325,0.03909617539724786,0.0,0.16403666657921645,0.0,0.04399114212748273,0.031077346900840182,0.16707233067157612,0.0,0.0,0.11100658456577484,0.0,0.0,0.0672180134644454,0.0,0.04545528147900461,0.0,0.09889119530592982,0.0364868376753541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307313941619698,0.11540420301070275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02915801332478866,0.09192305174113892,0.04363536410241976,0.0,0.04284003091078928,0.1003893498592774,0.04656905558425107,0.0,0.0,0.0908081381414009,0.0,0.0,0.04812775789108074,0.0,0.047814368244640415,0.0,0.0,0.046061609672158624,0.09452860832866222,0.08896608027057437,0.06145252811590635,0.08501017733407144,0.08719948822780782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396652186183471,0.0,0.0,0.02903746440916105,0.04410350386713617,0.08740583233193783,0.047385683011393766,0.0,0.04382299656163517,0.04383909217046834,0.09229603787394686,0.0,0.4075856988608432,0.034722333235185296,0.18494004645838194,0.03197847058773971,0.0,0.1342035782967938,0.042013839441874784,0.0,0.0,0.04262205081329112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632747891635723,0.05895523140583035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932122414665521,0.047107683112685365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544961359742843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746166998410114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360416561026646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855701574922704,0.037149883855936636,0.0,0.0345939903369422,0.0,0.08805130293190297,0.13865965820786735,0.0,0.0,0.04914410185244682,0.0,0.0359847358772767,0.04889729876287029,0.0,0.04434411064173422,0.07371704315397122,0.0334894362465835,0.0,0.0,0.030790453441234388,0.04636661192501314,0.0,0.03636904576386004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872954959771107,0.0,0.0,0.03270757378304503,0.0,0.03802206520671714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450169792314746,0.05574777009049227,0.042739819431616935,0.03453518360229055,0.22829369042877234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906907243494947,0.047316937134561435,0.0,0.0,0.052326723703160535,0.0,0.0,0.035893139283966737,0.0769746049621708,0.03452931766401697,0.0,0.0,0.03911290493847989,0.0,0.03925316904081847,0.048567662758216515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333894833529315,0.0,0.04433155465581736,0.09270625452625712,0.09512371424723458,0.0,0.05602683901442752
suicidewatch,nomijden,2019/01/21,"I hate life I think I’m too fucked up to ever be happy again.

I don’t remember ever being happy, even when I was a little kid. 

My dad was emotionally abusive to my mom. My mom is an immigrant, her parents were wealthy and put my dad through medical school. Sometimes I wonder if it was a trade, to have him take care of her as long as they paid for his school.

He was never around, always cold to me.

My mom had insane mental problems, sobbing hysterically all the time. As a toddler I’d try to comfort her. She never hugged me or said I love you. One day I lost my mind over it and started to hate her and yelled at her for it. She started to try to say I love you when I was 13. That year she also told me she attempted suicide because of me and our relationship. 

My dad moved us around a lot growing up.. by the time I was 8 we had moved to 7 different cities. 

I was constantly just trying to make people like me, so that they wouldn’t leave me. 

I was good at making friends but never good at being myself, I just faked it all so well. 

I had my first boyfriend when I was 13, he died a year later in an accident. 

I dated someone shortly after that, he adored me and I lost my mind.

I cheated on him and it broke my own heart and I was 15 then.

I began drinking and smoking and sneaking out and met a guy. He was in my neighborhood and we started to hook up. 

He was really dangerous, he owned a gun, and started being violent and manipulative towards me, physically forcing his dic down my throat and threatening to hurt me.

When I tried to end things with him he manipulated me to smoke something laced and he raped me on his bathroom sink. 

I was 15.

My mom kicked me out when I was 12 and sent me to my dad who got a new girlfriend and knocked her up. 

She had two kids and was very conservative and had an agenda against me. 

I was always isolated and sad in the family. I decided to tell my dad and he told me to get out. I was 14. 

Moved back in with my mom, who continues to be manipulative and told me lies about my dad. 

And speaking of lies, whenever I tried to see my dad or my new little brother, they would lie to me to say they couldn’t see me. Even on thanksgiving. Or Christmas or my birthday. 

Still, I did my best growing up, I partied a lot, and made friends but they were always shitty to me. 

I could only manage to date rapey guys. 

The last guy I dated is a serial rapist, this was publicized as he was about to do a musical performance for a major company, and they put up billboards. They took everything down when all the allegations came up. 

9 girls. 

Including me, because I don’t know how to recognize abuse anymore I guess. 

The last time he raped me I was horribly drunk and he was decently sober, and I was sobbing and saying no. 

Now I’m 18. I’m about to move out the house.

I have sleep apnea, and insomnia and I can barely function I’m so tired. I’ve lost my job and can barely manage the community college classes I’m taking. 

I think it’s over for me. 

My health won’t improve, I’ve tried so many things but I’m still delirious and tired and the doctors don’t have any answers or don’t take me seriously. 
 

I think I just want to die. 

It doesn’t even make me sad. I want to visit my first boyfriend. I’m even excited. I know it sounds delusional but I feel like I will finally be at peace.

Tired of pretending",1.5367792642140472,3.457168952173916,3.5137681159420318,88.77777591973246,79.76811594202898,6.7968784838350045,23.803790412486066,7.8292811421721575,1.171472017837235,2587,91,564,44,65,875,291,690,0.201,0.71,0.08900000000000001,-0.9984,3,0,3,1,1,2,76.0,4,2,7,8,33,38,9,0,24,0,55,20,3,8,8,96,106,60,3,8,13,14,1,2,3,4,8,7,0,6,16,44,2,1,10,3,2,12,12,21,1,4,45,11,123,17,78,49,9,88,0,9,2,7,83,32,3,10,46,384,139,9,0.0,0.14063125841298396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047459193128088835,0.14814255996026424,0.0,0.0,0.04035750075395978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885555606024263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566153033506674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563362075942369,0.0,0.07235387445528495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062280252206616975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787632635771426,0.060507480610544874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413223803246164,0.0,0.04738316999144005,0.0,0.0,0.038273436531626265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318412374460135,0.062004224141572,0.0,0.060743425197945004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813675424062961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675656940705971,0.05256318302765595,0.0,0.0,0.15679061460304786,0.10736420324934197,0.0,0.0,0.05333660356017477,0.0,0.05594638456172445,0.0,0.030007258817163193,0.04239698933489082,0.0,0.0650109413187374,0.0,0.10095981910241668,0.0,0.0,0.09170156670895203,0.05486467315459411,0.031005978248865862,0.0,0.0,0.09955367636251207,0.04746463595452589,0.0,0.06537661053801762,0.17628642222345547,0.0,0.1263504224322521,0.0,0.11718431630774022,0.0,0.06308231311022611,0.0,0.07032561932204254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847763113274866,0.06353141274386112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058892018735894724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523031927373944,0.0967502667774762,0.0,0.06283913424944318,0.0,0.0,0.04191802774293005,0.05798718264608947,0.11896111287100758,0.0,0.05251958414336548,0.0,0.0,0.1943504026065817,0.10090815823246464,0.1071246569469738,0.05615487850603936,0.11884229430481308,0.0601678061210475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978512656742822,0.05980708485615267,0.0,0.11984563614786042,0.3475281887558348,0.0,0.2523027851221834,0.0,0.0,0.13731451310599635,0.1146340006705543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040214570521807234,0.045135514910681504,0.0,0.0,0.0658970130796968,0.0,0.0,0.04114323334995248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056786368433033176,0.0,0.11931879195992202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380187421729908,0.0,0.0,0.06371568754808106,0.06722775851701934,0.0,0.05645189584368102,0.1415836149765091,0.0,0.1201231933742132,0.09458259208831668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938913223269219,0.0,0.0502839045812194,0.0456876604012655,0.058694981540601036,0.0,0.16802239011325312,0.0,0.09478802065928482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491519044216283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386303482802372,0.0,0.051871258450834117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885405360076819,0.11408008644585975,0.0,0.0,0.10381586722116934,0.20462943209298504,0.0,0.17012372142402835,0.06593589300671418,0.2417533429128155,0.0,0.05797268543281355,0.0,0.07138625938215784,0.0,0.0,0.04896689052233566,0.07000793892416346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533594266854388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435850159542426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421578896569314,0.0,0.0,0.07643410821848858
suicidewatch,CIoverload,2019/01/21,Should I tell my friends before I kill myself On one hand ai don't want to make them sad but I don't want them to wonder why I'm not talking with them,0.4173333333333318,1.6546368285714266,2.1085714285714303,100.72476190476192,80.71428571428572,4.666666666666667,17.38095238095238,3.1291,-1.079476190476191,119,2,31,0,3,39,26,35,0.213,0.667,0.12,-0.2946,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,8,8,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,8,1,4,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964058468550729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26912132048835746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853790104238237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23251507632133744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603955112458114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799769839335257,0.3044585184457615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109118228641976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31431647979913824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777524322781676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saltybread18,2019/01/21,"I'm lost and don't know what to do anymore. I have been to a lot of counsellors, seen OT's, psychologist and others idk the name of I have been trying to get on tablets for about 3 years now, I have been trying to fix my mental health for about 5. It's not that people don't believe me its more the process time to get me in places is slow and all my past counsellors have given up on me I get told a lot even by my last OT that I am a fucked up person, I hate it I just want to be happy tbh I hate that it takes long and that people don't want to try to work with me, I understand I can be quite a toxic and hard to work with, which I have bettered over the years but most them don't understand that I cant just change instantly to do things my brain wont let me I get to panicked. Right now I am being made to go back to the doctors weekly to get checked up on also getting recommended to another counsellor and psychologist I would probably get put on tablets instantly and be put as inpatient if I told them the truth and I think most of them in the past have know but wont say that I self harm and am suicidal but because I cant face my mum and am scared of what she'd do to me idk what to do anymore I'm in a shitty cycle I cant get out but I cant tell the truth I'm stuck and its hurts each time more and more I cant put other people or me through this anymore, I have got a plan to end it if all else fails I'm done with shit tbh, what should I do...

Don't say tell them cause that's no help.

(if you don't have the mental space to deal with my shit don't stress yourself)",2.9706043533930853,2.7546225380281726,4.4643085787452,91.79630921895009,72.91549295774648,8.03201024327785,24.30537772087068,7.686295010490155,0.7624929577464794,1231,29,313,14,22,414,152,355,0.16899999999999998,0.777,0.054000000000000006,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,7,9,15,5,2,14,0,45,7,4,2,4,49,77,22,1,7,11,1,1,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,22,18,0,0,5,0,1,4,16,11,0,0,12,4,43,4,46,55,10,33,0,3,1,1,18,15,3,8,14,208,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292183958743577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561703329402392,0.0,0.0,0.2712976223344725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011681727987644,0.0,0.05558646574877225,0.0,0.0,0.10273599962865533,0.0,0.08064708055725525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017943309455552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367369056503752,0.0964632637787329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400931423289333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333328310746868,0.0,0.09331548522425746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617464970659596,0.0,0.08076420495819978,0.0,0.0,0.060227846773758136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430048281685812,0.3811296101917304,0.0,0.05182340958518779,0.0,0.07293020258078192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970697627701163,0.08168522505113843,0.1800556510283107,0.0,0.09692702328531026,0.0,0.0,0.06112041269381958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761707234186123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002274704814055,0.07432919703193493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324441074430433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806972145473464,0.0,0.0,0.09954087535355888,0.15504706343893315,0.0,0.08628290479818039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183789161197994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740957324343489,0.18965178702193144,0.07962056567136831,0.09527052165408784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831450817202676,0.0,0.0,0.2750029625530563,0.0,0.0969881050002914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787280318141396,0.0,0.14503038616299413,0.09129362977150693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512744369209264,0.0,0.1872033368484718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445386846113912,0.0,0.0,0.09974326979043324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856092647895637,0.0,0.1594021026755062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605802824331101,0.058428650071888175,0.0,0.0,0.1063432044409264,0.0,0.0,0.17426528498870528,0.0,0.18572901612586476,0.0,0.0,0.1898567988845944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756836253613797,0.0,0.07314433858422577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276976790988876,0.0,0.0,0.0647762986321838,0.0,0.0,0.11744227853756982
suicidewatch,TheatrePlode,2019/01/21,"Crisis I’m currently sat at my desk at work. I was 2 hours late, but I’m late everyday. I have research to write and experiments to plan. And I can’t do any of that because I just want to die. 

I can’t focus, I want to cry and run away. But I can’t get passed the feeling that my supervisor and colleagues will think I’m lazy and ditching work. 

I want to run away home, but I’m too scared to leave. 

It feels like I’m spiralling, I’ve made plans and even written instructions for caring for my pets. 

I’m really scared, my nephew committed suicide just over a year ago, and I know the aftermath of it. I’m scared to live and I’m scared to die. ",0.9087792642140472,2.6731888188405826,2.829710144927539,93.6821237458194,81.10144927536231,6.564994425863991,21.48494983277592,7.61054688173877,0.6116314381270911,499,15,119,8,13,167,74,138,0.278,0.618,0.104,-0.9865,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,4,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,23,27,11,3,3,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,4,2,13,2,17,22,0,16,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,9,59,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659798796125235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971199468989471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683611348735225,0.0,0.0,0.08705945999816263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145610684361038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687694371690733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29644143798213696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432878572768906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970169610086666,0.0,0.0,0.14442437358413018,0.10202795703288974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461559573369518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325634256879954,0.0,0.14064523741360652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848807564533526,0.0,0.3222058996870381,0.15122178696565905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977280547848576,0.0,0.1261093646430907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513618823604331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149174631789707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5719359201645321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621779671426514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151088588129104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527101722281094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079438608411905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196898213177426
suicidewatch,nirraxhris,2019/01/21,"Pressure is driving me insane Pressure from everyone, about everything. By my family, my boyfriend, I'd say my friends but I don't really have any hah.

I always have to be the strong one, the one who gives up my need for others. I'm sick of this. I want to be selfish too.

But I fucking can't, I just can't.

Wish I could just end this but I'm scared, I'm a coward.",-0.3474402250351609,1.6684714430379763,2.1725738396624514,95.12049226441636,87.73417721518987,5.536427566807316,20.17018284106892,6.937597516519254,0.31808748241912843,280,9,66,4,9,96,52,79,0.25,0.629,0.121,-0.9033,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,3,3,1,9,2,0,0,0,9,17,3,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,0,1,11,2,8,14,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251332850163695,0.0,0.0,0.1839947289062636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602560501566745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396419111923065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585382099085802,0.24316802897841286,0.0,0.2550663363293144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903926892992475,0.25013468314486303,0.0,0.2595523666446307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006218830554991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666861853686885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333204556256415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516561042757806,0.2708846069796615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958733200759284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111385123988664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SchnickFitzel147,2019/01/21,"I wish... ...I could donate my lifetime to somebody that is in need of it. Like young people suffering from deadly diseases or something. They want to live but can't, I don't want to live but can. Would be the perfect swap.",1.2747727272727258,3.6882442045454593,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,84.22727272727272,4.42909090909091,22.43636363636364,5.6839178017228535,0.2036327272727277,171,6,35,1,5,54,36,44,0.044,0.753,0.202,0.7469,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,11,3,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685869213284734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434737129489926,0.0,0.5940922808715949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494353107683208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332164433270089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589760890226113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968332382065137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868418058399686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23896792457546104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e_e_e_e_e_End_Me,2019/01/21,I desperately want to die but wont kill myself I want to die so much but could never kill myself. I stuck at home from school because I'm too depressed to go in. My parents just get more and more mad. It feels like that care more about my education than keep me alive. But I can't communicate that to them. If I got to school I will die. ,0.9174404761904746,2.80044395833334,2.6797619047619072,94.17000000000002,81.6388888888889,5.780952380952384,18.61904761904762,6.868970318607317,-0.1293952380952379,263,6,63,3,7,87,50,72,0.247,0.493,0.26,-0.1682,1,0,0,0,0,4,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,14,6,5,4,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,1,12,2,10,9,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,42,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266743697046401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844112521280987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756750370764452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918926494551502,0.0,0.5754566539349834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345293439754937,0.1320388205770047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965632905317486,0.0,0.10504015059030172,0.0,0.14782121676255172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539426901258127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642807078966182,0.4089623486348592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029602485089668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358674391908092,0.0,0.1425482221186913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522598474769796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741049783462276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802882307414967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Baconbacongrinder,2019/01/21,"It’s been a journey. High school was miserable for me. I was overweight and an outcast. Didn’t have many friends - and the ones I did were mostly just online gaming friends that I never met. 

My parents had nicnames for me based around my weight which were all hurtful. I’d shut myself in my room to hide from them - and from their arguing. 

18 I joined the military. Never saw much of anything too intense, but had my moments. It was an escape from my reality. I finally felt I could belong to something. I made great friends, and had a great time. 

Fast forward to now. I’m 30. I’m an 6’0 310 pound EMT. Out of shape. Can hardly climb up steps. Work 24 hour shifts in which I can barely ever sleep - and can never sleep on my off days. 

Have terrible dating luck. Can’t seem to meet ANYONE. I’ve sent probably 300 messages on tinder okcupid and all the apps - nothing. 

I’m bisexual but too afraid to do anything about it. 

I don’t see much point of going forward. 

I work to pay the bills. Short of that I have some savings, but not enough to live off of. 

I don’t really know where I’m going - it just sounds like a fix.
",0.7615568666011114,3.1431548672566407,2.293913470993118,93.52491478203869,86.61061946902655,4.94106850213045,20.75975090134382,6.42735559955562,0.2541719436250416,864,28,183,9,27,280,136,226,0.066,0.8029999999999999,0.131,0.9575,3,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,3,9,13,1,2,10,0,22,4,2,1,6,29,36,9,0,1,6,1,3,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,8,8,2,0,3,1,2,8,8,5,0,1,16,6,23,8,27,19,7,36,0,2,2,0,12,18,0,4,15,118,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745369395732884,0.0,0.229386212203864,0.12407260322261045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127897222640072,0.0,0.0,0.08988484057907391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440108244478565,0.0,0.0,0.12607195966048182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382110624049762,0.15267764344865187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304052567925634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841916013369026,0.0,0.0,0.3073211351360549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248519235950802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725651367350573,0.0,0.0,0.13725553010039546,0.0,0.1492029831584778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659642535622907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809120293478813,0.0,0.12306998809926943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187925516125956,0.0,0.14130358157710973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049121739179087,0.0,0.32248196760504483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373332127877466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444357726596282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475857545248806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317536859003507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026898016008713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892866930413314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410541496237004,0.11106320704163704,0.12688105369356167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789497451295762,0.0,0.0,0.10729708235645924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127022743343408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697202500996085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029321815352082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Veiam,2019/01/21,"I just had a fucking panic attack because of a fucking maths tutor session I’m in year 11 and 15 mins before my maths tutor session I was on the floor in the foetal position hyperventilating, thinking and hoping I would have a heart attack. I think if I stay in high school I won’t survive until graduation. Fuck sake ",8.275107526881719,6.950811564516133,9.028064516129033,67.1454301075269,62.38709677419354,10.20215053763441,36.79569892473119,8.841846274778883,3.2880473118279583,255,10,44,3,3,87,45,62,0.238,0.7170000000000001,0.045,-0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,5,1,5,0,5,4,1,0,0,8,12,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,7,1,6,8,0,10,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,2,3,27,7,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686565072135915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556149608471956,0.0,0.17527101695159286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712664729030389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440834037330571,0.0,0.21762571251122687,0.0,0.2045813577927556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24166929956218616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845943618211568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195437763604325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639631290967218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631995140412785,0.0,0.0,0.1326422538124878
suicidewatch,itsmeim23,2019/01/21,"I view suicide through a very romantic lense I don't know why, but I have a very romanticized view of suicide. When I consider it, I think of it as a very classy and honorable thing to do -- at least in my circumstance. ",7.7677272727272735,5.571925772727276,8.276363636363637,74.90954545454545,64.0,13.345454545454546,40.18181818181819,12.161744961471696,4.610672727272728,170,8,37,5,2,57,31,44,0.16899999999999998,0.564,0.267,0.6394,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,7,5,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531250261195942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095411055893045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851060848956246,0.17853166453104016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6896844725314604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514157461580983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,patty-patty,2019/01/21,"Just very sad I don’t really know what to say. I’ve just given up and I have no one to talk to.

Idk if this post is against the rules but I don’t really care at this point. I just really want to die. In the morning I want to travel to a nearby city that I know has tall buildings since I can’t think of another way that’ll be effective.

I just feel really lonely. I have felt this way before and I thought it’d get better but this feeling never leaves me. I feel broken. I’m sure it won’t get better. Of course I don’t want to be miserable but I just want this to end as well. My chest and head hurt so much from crying all day. I just want this to end really badly.",-0.38364864864864856,1.5005921891891916,2.2093918918918938,95.69760135135138,86.56756756756758,5.8621621621621625,14.655405405405405,7.1686216300943375,-0.3652918918918915,516,8,126,8,16,178,85,148,0.213,0.593,0.194,-0.8036,0,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,0,1,3,0,13,2,2,1,3,30,31,9,1,6,10,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,0,9,1,0,1,7,5,1,1,3,5,16,5,17,23,2,13,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459276484113382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161977678125959,0.0,0.0,0.11841998616125965,0.0,0.0,0.2461619736887519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141888976247554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286727782726595,0.08975053451493027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443230020246006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651947669449484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109948012712332,0.0,0.13362115054204254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541694570303432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428244294765912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489800438363696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296394972424274,0.0,0.0,0.14735666296081482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230299691953987,0.0,0.10733337152114987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094302459530597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155681934448107,0.0,0.13328252544855154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457664036506968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067036108448663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511952435320318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311622750552864,0.0,0.0,0.1118563311576318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917193109956599,0.0,0.11048223122451067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482649576768908,0.4104184591276683,0.22092693075634803,0.0,0.0,0.1251269156996412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,overaffirmation,2019/01/21,"Depression rears its ugly head once more Everyone eventually leaves me, they treat me and my friendship like it's a disposable thing and I'm not a person who cares deeply. I don't know who I can trust, my only friends  online and constantly abandoning me. I don't know if I can ever speak to a human again, I'm just so depressed. I just can't keep doing this over and over and over again. I'm done with this world. I hope all those people who gaslighted and abandoned me are happy with their lives and what they did to me. Everyone is fake, nobody can be trusted.",2.809911504424776,4.7880521592920395,3.7497433628318615,88.30532300884957,76.07964601769913,6.99787610619469,22.804424778761053,7.908726449838941,1.0717936283185838,446,13,91,7,10,143,73,113,0.174,0.638,0.188,0.1971,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,0,6,13,0,0,3,0,12,1,1,0,2,21,20,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,10,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,16,8,7,17,2,8,0,4,0,0,10,4,0,2,5,65,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738727966053176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304100687013051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672841713143488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819335019091665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192865508874182,0.0,0.407472846144256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472966587203894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269717259696939,0.0,0.0,0.2188204821410068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177097144556234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951561741112236,0.0,0.0,0.2343551824538357,0.0,0.0,0.2257642908425565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416625980304776,0.0,0.1882730778979501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706741033404984,0.0,0.16215989665252176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781669116175244,0.18617143688618676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165081763038548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lordfrank18,2019/01/21,"Set myself free (I'm drunk rn so this may not even make sense, but whatever)
Alright, I'm done
I'm going to rid the world of my worthless existence for good. I know it may hurt some people close to me on the short-term, but they will all move on and live a better life than if i was around. The end is near for me, but at least eternal sleep is better than my miserable life.",1.3580357142857158,2.9247688750000016,2.7321428571428577,95.83,79.0,6.071428571428572,18.92857142857143,6.868970318607317,-0.08614285714285685,290,6,69,3,7,94,60,80,0.153,0.6759999999999999,0.171,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,3,8,0,1,4,1,7,4,1,1,1,14,13,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,8,6,12,8,3,12,0,3,0,0,1,7,0,4,2,44,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338104447131999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645777299894791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26877784043015923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326262199736253,0.0,0.0,0.17347507276746368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926765990189092,0.2202948345470622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811677593499742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434326201610373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710289895289177,0.0,0.0,0.2319210518756534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531810990578706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791509180528061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208552641601805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628354780481236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leturtlewhisperer,2019/01/21,"[Trigger warning] I was sexually assaulted and have no friends or family to support me. I don't see why I should keep going. I already have PTSD from my parents' abuse & neglect AND grade school bullying: I'm so damaged that I can't see anybody wanting to be my friend or partner. I can't stop thinking about killing myself. Everyone in my life is paid to care about me except for my one friend (who I can't rely on very much for support because he isn't very good with emotions). I'm obsessed with hating and punishing myself. I stay up researching suicide methods and I haven't fallen asleep until 2 AM or 3 AM since the assault. I woke myself up shrieking from a nightmare which probably woke up the neighbors too. I was screaming for my dad to save me from my rapist even though his alcoholism and anger issues left me perpetually fearful of him as a child. The first time I was in the psych ward, he called to tell me that I was selfish for being there and for costing him so much money. I'm sure he'll say that I was asking for it if I told him I was sexually assaulted. My assailant lied to me with promises of friendship to get me alone and then physically intimidated and overpowered me. I still had bruises and genital trauma even though I froze up with fear before and while he was fucking me. I hate myself for being so weak and sensitive. I've been cutting to punish myself because I'm so fucking worthless and stupid. I can barely remember my train of thought since I was assaulted. I have trouble talking and even reading because I can't stay focused. My already fucked-up brain is in complete disarray. I've been in therapy for 4 years for my PTSD along with multiple stints in the psych ward. I tried to kill myself last September but chickened out and called 911 when I started feeling the effects of my method. I also deal with chronic migraines (25+ headache days/month), gluten intolerance, and asthma. I'm graduating university in the spring and I have no idea how I'll be able to get and work a job to support myself with all of my medical and emotional baggage. I wish I wasn't me. I wish my parents knew and loved me for who I really am. I wish my rapist had actually wanted to get to know me like he said instead of using my body for his pleasure. I wish I had friends that I could call when I feel so alone. I'm barely hanging on and at this point I can't see why I shouldn't let it all go.",5.6519423379596505,5.8530604211618265,6.3887494634425535,78.8616804979253,67.19502074688796,9.137902418085565,34.463013306624696,8.939507131559953,2.8987510945771926,1921,86,372,30,29,633,234,482,0.165,0.711,0.124,-0.8651,4,2,3,0,1,3,42.0,0,0,0,3,20,43,17,3,10,0,40,15,3,4,3,63,85,40,3,10,6,3,3,1,6,3,7,3,1,2,10,29,1,3,9,1,3,4,12,28,0,2,21,9,77,15,60,55,4,35,0,3,3,5,33,16,2,4,14,250,87,9,0.07477186981301172,0.08859243894178549,0.07296655896560801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990838925245362,0.0,0.15488221422041246,0.16502523531797245,0.05979503727513296,0.0,0.08101528970304095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990160481468463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367407134918228,0.0,0.06362535400243834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305469125081694,0.0,0.08347013525335464,0.2290513172259073,0.0,0.07623490455826074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839688290458792,0.0,0.0,0.05969925380326866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708651455542928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821657904220172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815834446358495,0.0,0.0,0.07144772588441853,0.0,0.0,0.07048826433370826,0.16827828271368533,0.07561380804153972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360091426572037,0.0,0.0,0.2310742445515609,0.13825077756854193,0.117195647646542,0.0,0.08498915346630118,0.06271509687181917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764348274465636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440833975561612,0.0,0.07804240574313111,0.07419954330063136,0.06646067344969794,0.16544799114785413,0.0,0.04109266419590248,0.0609490535661285,0.0,0.0,0.08123985533137561,0.07645930283297651,0.052813582915826864,0.03652975871760772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674845317949475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532479243693943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059682193119497275,0.0,0.1099318553483412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066735409649726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660506255462784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068358537746343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061672215199564,0.0,0.17480862900455071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479210414288746,0.0,0.04790077444536616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470195259324012,0.0,0.07112517077807222,0.05946159199840964,0.0,0.07567312413037995,0.17875049848305355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370412676101195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292391430235156,0.15939372901365173,0.0597129118194329,0.06251263122637749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178828960988263,0.25455069533118024,0.07047160241003203,0.0,0.0,0.06009879664760968,0.06535390992014077,0.0,0.08550814956424863,0.0,0.0,0.04791079502040177,0.14692596490753032,0.05936051253262504,0.043600078587415964,0.0,0.0,0.07144772588441853,0.0,0.050765191448595565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645788882913934,0.0,0.12338924667884778,0.08820477217612062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493996497173458,0.0,0.34393584072266303,0.0,0.0,0.05443481175254399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815063266753138
suicidewatch,Innocenttotheend,2019/01/21,"After false rape charges were pressed against me my mom saved my life and she has little idea. 2 weeks ago I was falsely accused of rape. Long story short I hooked up with with girl, she was flirty for weeks wanting to date, but I wasn’t interested. After I told her I just wanted to be friends she filed title IX charges as soon as she could. I’m pretty sure she filed criminal charges too. 

I never thought this would happen to me. I always read stories of false accusations and the counterpoint of “its so uncommon” and dismissed it. But it’s very real. Now my life’s turned upside down. 

The first night after learning what I was accused of I was so ready to just end it all. I knew the damage to my life was irreparable. Nothing was the same anymore. I was being proceeded in an unfair system and just hearing someone was accused of rape is enough to condemn them. 

I sat there rocking back and fourth with a framed photo. It was a note my mom left in my lunchbox in middle school saying “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when times are sad -mom”.

I was broken. I was so ready to end it all but just that note gave me a reason. My mom believed me, I knew it in my heart but I had to do something. 

I’m alive right now to prove my good name to my mom. This girl isn’t going to take my life, not while my mom has any sort of doubt. I breathe right now to clear my name. My heart beats for my mom. My mind thinks for my father. Nothing’s for myself anymore. 

Thank god I’m here. ",1.6326470588235296,3.72261991176471,2.6945359477124207,93.91141176470587,80.27450980392156,4.995032679738562,21.964705882352945,5.888618617440367,0.12740078431372615,1167,36,250,7,30,371,160,306,0.161,0.68,0.159,0.0987,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,1,2,16,15,3,1,8,0,25,10,3,2,6,43,44,16,0,4,9,8,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,11,8,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,6,0,1,20,5,51,9,37,20,4,36,0,2,2,3,26,12,0,2,22,165,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728109562205325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254195075904175,0.0,0.0,0.059286375905148465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292114504150596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703715402869011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982236401847382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960729418841516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443377659816898,0.09008174341567056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741564972409048,0.0,0.0,0.06735617237725687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049547227404618616,0.0731236643660135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709426873755525,0.09280627516754512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825983084483124,0.20662087716023392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841724582834196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947229010350835,0.0,0.2463153469408984,0.0,0.08737871676894349,0.0,0.07715284023379798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058194295169893724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802841234608111,0.7147410278588452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672397091754645,0.0,0.0,0.0818138854412659,0.0,0.16730590606294274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630542163601501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869487743450849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720504301779912,0.09923157709379056,0.0,0.08963705114264478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890496471569215,0.0,0.06933018862822361,0.0,0.08823228228040958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386856007648808,0.06711653987915556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216748532651755,0.0,0.06554960089494234,0.0,0.0,0.08026496640393264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586235323436098,0.0,0.06921233341793134,0.05083620486904841,0.0,0.0,0.08330561201181493,0.0,0.0,0.09482838333760456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719338270254161,0.1028437565722003,0.0,0.13986340174070278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061931201062379225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,impracticalmickey,2019/01/21,"i'm numb i just can't see anything coming out of my life. i've tried, i really have, but things are moving so slow and i am never happy for longer than an hour or so. i wish i was someone else and that can't happen. i really think that i won't last more than another few months. maybe less.",-0.2999776785714303,1.6344384218750037,2.1725892857142846,95.770625,86.65625,5.5321428571428575,13.830357142857142,6.868970318607317,-0.5903767857142861,225,3,54,3,7,77,48,64,0.096,0.8240000000000001,0.08,0.0103,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,10,13,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,8,1,5,11,3,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599974895488859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404195510835646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135872126687435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071306440776024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926161524155446,0.26394768548956343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441810816966513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211257307117708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751346167277944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249099384753636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979115492716372,0.2635319094848235,0.0,0.0,0.19123454289933306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176865991774908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758427228607486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008746905784834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647271496108583,0.15887652872169494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834196539236432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28513058723887696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccount8817,2019/01/21,"Note Nobody would care if I killed myself, so noone would find my suicide note. I want someone to find it and read it, but I have noone who cares about me. I know it's silly but I want someone to know how I got to the point of suicide.",1.6608823529411758,2.746331509803923,2.8021078431372572,97.68198529411768,77.0392156862745,5.1000000000000005,20.59313725490196,3.1291,-0.5471215686274515,181,4,44,0,4,58,33,51,0.204,0.625,0.171,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,10,6,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,3,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,28,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203446324274983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37681438498415376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486808533665154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280621174378348,0.0,0.22657706370830044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486786194794325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061946539225684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493215908997625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509649317743468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317209258383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29287027740952704,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,momentumless30,2019/01/21,The phone rings sound like urging me to die. The phone rings are the reminder of reality that I can't simply escape from the duties by locking myself in the room. They're the warnings that they'll get me someday. I have to off myself right away to make sure they can catch me nowhere.,4.452368421052633,5.53914436842105,4.45872807017544,88.47651315789473,70.2280701754386,6.401754385964912,24.77631578947368,5.985473137389443,0.5733894736842098,227,6,46,1,4,70,41,57,0.128,0.7909999999999999,0.081,-0.4249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,9,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,30,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412052038379355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873712623572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453469213467845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942312326997996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31346203410026696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010363300315111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44259298977950096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roderickstjames,2019/01/21,"I can’t stop crying i tell everyone im fine, even though i spend each and everyday crying. im at school and during my breaks im just silently crying because im in so much pain. i regret something that happened a few months ago and can’t let go of that. i hate myself so much, so so much. ive attempted to kill myself a few times. i can be in a room with people yet feel so lonely. it pains me to the core when i see my close friends have so much fun without me and smiling, yet, when they’re around me, it’s not nearly the same. im so worthless. everyone ends up leaving me. i keep on trying my best to be more happy or be more social but im just in so much pain living each and everyday. i know i shouldn’t be so depressed about something that happened in the past, but it just crosses my mind each and everyday. it hurts to know that i can’t change things that happened in the past and that i have to continue my life knowing that everyone is happy without me. ive been suffering with suicidal thoughts for about 2-3 years. im at the lowest ive ever been. im tired and can’t take this anymore. ",1.9507211646136609,3.2747442468085097,3.6949608062709984,90.60105263157897,76.74468085106382,6.649496080627098,24.283314669652853,7.273561745256523,0.8901063829787232,858,28,192,10,19,288,115,235,0.232,0.703,0.065,-0.991,1,2,2,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,2,22,17,2,0,8,0,19,5,0,0,1,36,32,23,2,2,9,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,13,15,0,2,5,0,1,2,8,11,0,0,3,2,27,6,24,23,14,33,0,6,1,0,3,13,0,1,17,133,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782814221808083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588479384240016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811679290177787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664435453738849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030038989546393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094536349665697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521526247105529,0.0,0.0,0.06590440603181046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777178867652306,0.0,0.0,0.05053908357180872,0.06921445463271593,0.0,0.2193472357095778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386895443955234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591172265674559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348665556383546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202992503485068,0.1629085918134489,0.0,0.07554518451472447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191356061014267,0.0,0.6612161976399284,0.0,0.0,0.06801226502376037,0.08465527083556627,0.0,0.12615604188570606,0.0,0.0,0.08102097859500276,0.0,0.07824432251268416,0.05404656937225009,0.0,0.0,0.06756634965368807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726085692473023,0.0,0.06107553422122215,0.0,0.2812458139686159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24426002762058796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608921358331647,0.053047596348850735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743978967391442,0.060974536493676214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799994973449678,0.0,0.11781381139761606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397205176560405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369771987034666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753163326752614,0.0,0.06687966298132328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083482343627015,0.0,0.07517805000671479,0.06074634367602081,0.044617966475896303,0.08794560393793788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195035613650567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752026864561754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927475783892711
suicidewatch,onewayplane,2019/01/21,"One way plane ticket I've been wanting to kill myself every single day this year. 

So many things have gone wrong in the span of a few weeks. I fucked up my grades last semester for a cool program abroad this semester, and now I can't go. So much time preparing for it wasted. so much damn money wasted, money that my family put aside specifically for this and now it's just...gone. 

I don't have the guts to tell them I failed at the one thing I ever hoped to accomplish in college. I always did well in high school, and now I'm a total fuck up. What's worse is my dad is telling all his friends how he's so proud of me. If only he knew.

I still have my plane ticket to go abroad. Thinking about cancelling the return flight. I also have a thousand or so bucks in the currency for that place. I want to get on that plane, land, travel for a few days, and then die. All I need to do now is write a few notes. I've already started sending messages. 

I hate how much of a mess I have become. I am. a burden to my parents, a terrible girlfriend, and I hate everything about myself. I used to have so many dreams and goals, but I realised I'm never going anywhere. I care about six things in this world, and three of those are animals. But I know they're in good hands, and they'll be fine without me. 

My boyfriend is the only one who knows about the program. I told him I dont want to let the ticket go to waste, so I will go traveling and explore, and then I'll come back in a few weeks. He keeps asking me not to go, though. I think he knows what I plan on doing. I feel bad - he deserves so much better.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. I made up my mind a week ago. I know I want to die somewhere beautiful. A forest maybe, or by the ocean. I love nature, and one of the rare times I felt true happiness was when I was all alone at the top of a cliff, as I peered down into the valley and watched the sun slowly set. Maybe I can find a place like that again and die in peace. ",1.8482563025210084,3.153494226190478,3.275266106442576,93.58247899159666,76.97619047619048,6.2745098039215685,20.92436974789916,6.794906146795322,0.18319747899159688,1525,36,355,14,34,500,215,420,0.138,0.73,0.132,-0.1726,1,1,0,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,2,7,26,25,6,0,27,1,27,5,2,4,7,55,67,34,4,7,7,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,18,15,0,1,12,6,4,13,7,12,1,7,9,5,49,13,47,54,13,63,0,1,1,3,23,24,3,4,25,231,67,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687955522109079,0.0,0.0,0.08982453835401003,0.09570702261593272,0.06935672563998985,0.07216503420836498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107941140030495,0.0,0.0,0.06668883953481043,0.07241464929313285,0.0,0.0957847805355344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670428326439868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842545469633782,0.0,0.0,0.07470889691915181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118653757833267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700313757136012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164512020945286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784508658651587,0.07307247603238505,0.0,0.07794595600704672,0.0,0.08175988230824656,0.0,0.04385252002437411,0.0,0.08327293145813792,0.0,0.07926824980711933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670062003142839,0.16035814486103278,0.04531204567262901,0.0,0.2957387268887259,0.07274372532305569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232406837890357,0.0,0.17125281615155474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916333896378093,0.0,0.08614093920675182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708824852955841,0.0959522014923242,0.0,0.2383184931667145,0.0706952780504579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868573598861193,0.0,0.042371149321547306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827582973331189,0.08206457474695743,0.0,0.17585811078729732,0.17426080920907974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757103058013926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502161643975657,0.06430806112296546,0.06689034223694491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350778216463391,0.1319218182167974,0.0,0.0,0.09630170163930474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122558260529026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718606630462739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556047830296983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777384123839878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138685702582615,0.0,0.06926146768952082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160900992420148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285562398086762,0.11114420249072113,0.08521028083479606,0.0,0.10114413591065634,0.0,0.0,0.08287276917256171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749055513880314,0.0,0.0,0.20461879322219745,0.068841022126739,0.20870504030093384,0.0,0.07797930965536758,0.0,0.07825895387731929,0.0,0.0,0.08360314958285615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838371973258469,0.0,0.09482396641876853,0.0,0.05585029078496349
suicidewatch,Pau_Bau,2019/01/21,"I need an advice Sorry, for my english. 

So I kind feel that I need to share it with some people. I feel urge to do so. And I don't know, what the hell is going on. I think it maybe not the right place to share it, so if it isn't just tell me, where I can go. And it certainly not a depression, and I think my problems are not even close, to some other people problems on this subreddit, but I am sure some people over here can help me with some advice. 
I don't know, suicide ideas were usually strange to me. But now, if there is a scale from 0 to 1000 I feel like I made a step in wrong direction and suicide thoughts are not so strange.

So my main concern is that I can't understand what is going on with me, everything feels wrong.  I am usual guy, 25 years old. And usually, if there is someone with same complains, my greatest advice would be ""go out to the sun, workout, get a girl, have fun, go to beach"". But I know it will not work for me now. And I don't know, why I thought it would work for anyone else. 

I feel miserable, weak, crushed. And I don't know why. Nothing bad had happened to me. I have a work, girlfriend, friends, food, shelter, I go to the gym and so on. 

I usually feel sad. Like, I don't know, how should I say it in english, but if psychologist would ask me -Do you feel depressive? I would answer ""no"". I am pessimist, I think, and I am pretty ok with that. That's why, I don't understand why I feel so bad now

I feel, like I am a teenager. Like 16 years old. I feel, that all my new beginnings, which were supposed  to become my best achievements in life, are now going in wrong direction. I used to tell myself, that I will get over all, but this week I suddenly realize, that I will not. I used to tell myself, that I am leaving my ""comfort zone"", and it is great. I used to tell myself, that bad experience is the best experience.  Now all this words are not working. 

Some missed opportunities come up to me. All my mistakes, all my bad deeds. 

I am afraid I am wouldn't be able to do, what I should do. I wouldn't be able to take care about people I should care. 

I can't even sleep at night. My sleep was always so great, and I don't even have it now. Go to bed, can't fall asleep until 3 a.m., fall asleep, wake up at 4.30 after nightmare, repeat.

I feel crushed. Today I found myself in front of computer, head down, headphones on. It is not how I usually do it. Usually I am passionate about my work, singing and working with Excel sheet  and so on. Not now. 

What's wrong? I feltl a pressure for some time before this week, but it was just making me do everything better. 

I just don't know. And yeah, I just wanted to write it for some people to read. I don't even know why. I used to do it in school, but not now, when I am older.  

I even get more emotional now. More agressive. 

I just need advice",1.1373933209647475,2.9311335000000014,2.7675497835497858,94.26229870129872,80.49659863945578,6.045071119356834,21.235126777983922,7.056908132695986,0.3551050340136053,2150,62,500,26,55,707,211,588,0.101,0.695,0.203,0.9972,0,0,0,0,0,2,113.0,0,1,0,12,37,44,1,3,13,2,67,10,6,8,7,120,123,38,2,20,26,0,11,4,2,12,2,1,1,2,34,23,1,0,30,5,0,13,26,21,0,0,9,12,84,23,58,99,19,69,1,5,0,1,16,24,1,11,36,346,118,11,0.10515228907408868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550719979267884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374756404194538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03676246271655115,0.05387047323951178,0.0,0.0,0.049151597884324494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559553832563032,0.0,0.058066220943275765,0.04473842658500278,0.0,0.11035084000256097,0.04649932728794901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720976674373348,0.0,0.0,0.04528969310867231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056751249835404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04392062233718663,0.059141086048585666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363023804644576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450409716105064,0.10285911585678566,0.0,0.0,0.2924248625574802,0.07512081632494977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357528266935708,0.05764702875175126,0.04062019884855495,0.0,0.0824065965607946,0.0,0.2390418764650289,0.0,0.0,0.11593076992437347,0.0,0.052058649101342856,0.046492910978724517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395829251307365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524068142561857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935206759201502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474996390023047,0.23115579242075115,0.0,0.0,0.05567054566875223,0.0,0.0,0.03713608574783138,0.10274419398863713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974881919894366,0.03509498473893023,0.0,0.05281980390159483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695363495292978,0.0,0.050778368016570936,0.0,0.04933915004230915,0.0,0.05044822866975359,0.0,0.11033963886432298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224839334009085,0.0,0.05493088077927362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053488840459325865,0.0,0.10061653951706936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259037238843842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489974016346269,0.0,0.04181066038778016,0.0,0.053209865177882745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522822879969744,0.0,0.04454759665019986,0.0,0.0,0.0588546893368688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501953733992433,0.0,0.04955239401305173,0.0,0.03953071750993715,0.0,0.18381547085101027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106601146300344,0.0,0.08347917190015816,0.03065757268570493,0.0,0.04983603745389754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094672413207753,0.0,0.18163563240244615,0.347431171834818,0.0,0.031010772248882417,0.0,0.08434682360693323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372089637426393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296563564109653,0.0,0.0,0.1493943383833435,0.2299350420392652,0.0,0.06771462661049349
suicidewatch,NosferatuFangirl,2019/01/21,"People keep telling me it gets better, but it keeps getting worse. I posted in here back in november, and... things just... god everything is so much worse than before...

My partner is still not talking to me. She's told friends we're still dating and that she'll talk to me, but it's been 58 days now of no contact.

I've lost several friends over the last couple of months...

My HRT hasn't been particularly effective lately, my doctor thinks my high stress and depression levels have been leaving my body fighting hormone treatment, so my hormone levels have dropped massively...

I got a really bad infection on one of my self-harming marks that spread, and caused several areas to painfully swell, so I've been on antibiotics for a little over a week. Had to run IV antibiotics for a bit.

I've... isolated myself so much during these two months, i've lost everything... I feel so fucking alone...

I don't honestly know why I'm still alive.

I can't really think of any actual reason anymore. Up until a couple of weeks ago it was due to fear of upsetting my partner and also an intense fear of death but...

...I don't think she'd even know, and frankly.... the fear of death has been eerily absent for a couple of weeks.

I just.. I don't know what to do, things are getting so much worse, and I'm fucking terrified.",4.242556983008703,5.690570425196853,5.047306257770412,82.68652507252384,71.1259842519685,8.3394944053046,28.32905097389142,8.841846274778883,2.211853543307086,1024,38,197,19,19,332,141,254,0.28800000000000003,0.653,0.059,-0.9974,0,1,0,0,2,0,57.0,0,0,0,4,16,17,3,5,9,0,21,7,1,3,0,25,41,18,2,0,6,0,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,2,10,7,0,2,9,0,0,1,7,13,0,2,11,1,23,4,27,28,4,32,0,3,0,2,13,12,2,0,17,121,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.09005833178487105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180643241622085,0.0,0.0,0.09558100336355327,0.0,0.0738014973208595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275799876604199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915234304800455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096263796833216,0.07705539003583944,0.0,0.0,0.07852903195534046,0.0,0.0,0.08161992804014377,0.10075297868601196,0.1025095200731832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480367832714102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063398397566441,0.0,0.0595171712259291,0.0,0.07948624511398311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445916452702437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095437659639751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658823484051296,0.0,0.0,0.31154397915270643,0.04666283780308313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426006740469394,0.1706348027409738,0.14464769435639474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738099611971759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750577607944076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405699994705772,0.0,0.0,0.15215477494929608,0.0752258317487528,0.1041032151511082,0.09771810037812513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249533835458272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014832781861808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732444083426832,0.0,0.20352363417645372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253573487047161,0.0,0.09819936478716887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397985354813998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838497655104308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824221667863904,0.09488591365412212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627496810971578,0.20851500032196554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211004041047049,0.0,0.10571389774314448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835281929391794,0.08066248684963694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226221273895129,0.1774004284370053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818372545163186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015052104037134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220800409836288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327423074857677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821435467806017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Failedd4,2019/01/21,Passion I dont think i will ever find a passion or reason to genuinely live i am so lost in life and living another 70 years seems pointless.,1.7560919540229882,4.049586448275863,4.048965517241381,83.2509195402299,81.06896551724137,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.9440252873563213,113,5,21,2,3,39,26,29,0.1,0.7,0.2,0.4604,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,7,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,4,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30725056893272845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434100486719977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26504780170065706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678093495124359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696434693579047,0.0,0.0,0.5174731937043442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31985922937387634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012670380695177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26674880321926964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775144300237315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869131186315294
suicidewatch,flippedcat,2019/01/21,"Too big of a coward to go through with suicide. I need to die. I wish I had a gun so I could go through with it with minimal pain. Or even some explosives. But damn they make lethal things hard to get. Plus I don’t think I’d pass a background check for a gun. So that sucks. Don’t live near any tall buildings or trains. I mean I have a noose pre tied. But that would be painful. And I’m a little bitch about it. I’m a fucking shitty worthless person. I need to die. Existing is pain. I thought I could get better but boy was I wrong. I just get a little glimpse of happiness before I get reminded of how fucking awful a person I am. There’s nothing for me here. I ruin people’s lives. I’m lazy, apathetic, mean and stupid. Maybe I’m rattling on because I don’t really want to die. I want the pain to end. Fuck it’d solve so many problems though. I can only talk to people when I’m fucking drunk. I have no money. I’m a waste of space. Waste of other people’s resources. Emotionally abusive. Fuck what don’t I have going for me. No one is going to fucking respond. It’s impossible with this many fucking people. Maybe I’ll get a sentence or two but who am I fucking kidding. This is a fucking vent into oblivion. I want to die. No one would take me seriously in my life if I asked for help anyways. They never did. Part of me wants to make everyone regret everything they never did. Feel guilty for the rest of their lives. It’d be so cool to blow myself up too. Plus super lethal. Like 97% or some shit. I wish I was the pitiable romanticized kind of suicidal. But no I’m the fucking piece of shit who’s an asshole and pissed off at the world. No one likes that type of suicidal.  Whenever I open up I just get told I’m being dramatic. I have no future. I’m lucky I haven’t been kicked out yet. Although as the end of my senior year approaches idk. Damn I asked to go to therapy and got ignored too. I wish I lived near taller buildings. My life is pretty good but I’m still miserable. Nothing will make me happy. I’d do drugs if I was social enough to get some. ",-0.14252330361867396,2.1412988816705365,2.006279154963977,94.1462543249074,91.50580046403714,4.880709895388122,19.858387267472626,6.513038844787706,0.2114708430007739,1602,53,352,20,57,535,205,431,0.318,0.551,0.131,-0.9985,0,0,1,2,0,3,55.0,0,0,4,2,19,41,18,1,19,2,34,21,3,4,2,58,89,27,9,17,14,0,2,2,0,3,7,0,0,4,15,13,1,1,5,1,2,7,13,30,0,4,10,3,46,11,50,69,7,35,0,4,0,10,17,18,17,10,12,216,61,2,0.0,0.07110241064212063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080907222875009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220308797103702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658173119634928,0.0,0.05106435833089944,0.0,0.0,0.0530742471746551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958267073274152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491249313963272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959291370544325,0.0,0.0,0.06750352751734681,0.10630265465772952,0.06200669744804884,0.0,0.03963624726871928,0.0,0.0,0.05734242793132446,0.053933401882172216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0303430185115281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547856947888218,0.21947039027926166,0.0,0.17052622554668562,0.050333805282983785,0.047995731172464216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127764192996142,0.053757455259692284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022364936602624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249150872333931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477412078993217,0.05863601761102125,0.12029220236312847,0.21196083131291188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201720543024369,0.1216820813959022,0.12057685525771428,0.13073765192360093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889937767777108,0.09256730931813936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516303198803216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199362812957933,0.04564054893540705,0.2554208259798971,0.0,0.0,0.06498532348085705,0.0,0.1664143864347486,0.10479738518564127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105206473298142,0.0,0.05742176714856871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844414461744335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231994525178403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061172959146191024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792431529751593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692463452935927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512028871130819,0.04823401826812291,0.0,0.0,0.06862702546839422,0.0,0.039868186939298285,0.03845218691822617,0.05895983006918716,0.047641487111500326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734242793132446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586213581843313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158255505263387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070267029024485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525921238334293,0.06561185917666719,0.0,0.03864467552196418
suicidewatch,boogitybooletmefucku,2019/01/21,"I'm not depressed anymore but I think about suicide everyday I just don't see the point in living. Eventually, everyone and everything will be dead and gone. On top of that, I am completely insignificant in the universe. I really wish I had the balls to hang myself. Maybe when I go through another depressive slump, I will. I kinda hope I do.",2.3420384615384613,5.162599569230772,4.280288461538461,78.84658653846157,84.07692307692307,8.788461538461537,28.125,9.188382445141503,3.2916538461538467,272,13,49,9,8,92,50,65,0.25,0.601,0.15,-0.8931,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,14,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,1,10,1,7,9,0,10,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,2,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26348834901682633,0.0,0.0,0.2492016332881014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634616587728317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328531394080917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010822471047366,0.22583371241333106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428078676111501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495771312378685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188430430453493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524439206844795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23754024345868174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609760110901155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023713993038444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748588674761123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100968637442434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28895889654982165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pubecube808,2019/01/21,"How to make things easier for friends and family I’m planning to commit suicide in the coming weeks. I wish I could do it right now but I want to plan things to minimise stress and inconvenience on my loved ones. I’ve had many friends commit suicide. I know the kind of devastating effect it has on people, individually and as a community. Apologies if this post is rambling and ineloquent, I’m not feeling good and it makes expressing myself hard. 

It’s difficult to plan to die when I’m very depressed and not functioning too well. I cry constantly from the despair I’m in. I’m supposed to go on stage and perform in a few hours and I have no idea how I’m going to do it. I’ve told my manager and my bandmate that I’m feeling bleak (I didn’t use the S word because I know it puts people on edge) and they ignored what I wrote and changed the topic since they’re probably feeling moody from their own stresses. 

The level of planning involved with the act of dying is on par with say planning a long overseas trip or a move overseas. I have no money due to chronic health issues (half the reason I’m ending things) so financially there’s not a whole lot to sort out. It’s more to do with getting rid of my possessions. I still need a lot of my things up until I die, and a few things I’d like to give to friends. The rest I’ll try to donate as much as possible, incrementally day by day. Starting with stuff I don’t want family to find. Ideally I would like to sell everything and give the money to my family but it’s such a futile gesture. They have enough money, and I don’t think I can hang on long enough to sell everything bit by bit. At least donating things will benefit the community. 

The hardest part for my family will be finding out that I have a double life. I work as a sex worker partly in order to fund treatment for my health issues. I’m also a recovering heroin addict.  My family gives me money despite me being in my early thirties due to my poor health, and I can no longer handle the shame and embarrassment of this. I come from a culture where shame factors into everything, and even though I’ve surrounded myself with a progressive community, I can’t escape my roots. I was massively high achieving growing up with a lot of pressure placed on me, and I’ve failed at simply being human. I’m not ok with any part of me, right down to my appearance, even though logically I know I’m relatively attractive. A lot of my sadness is petty and superficial like that. If I can’t handle basic life shit like gaining 1kg how am I going to handle the rest of my life? The strange thing is despite how weak I sound right now, I’ve survived so much so far. Traumas that would have ended others earlier. I really should have been more mature and followed a normal life script. Found a normal job, married someone etc. But I’ve had chronic illnesses for my whole adulthood and when I wasn’t dealing with those I was mindlessly chasing my creative dreams. I should have made provisions for my future along the way but life was hard and I was living minute by minute. 

I know I’m too hard on myself but I can’t escape my feelings. My life looks perfect on the outside. People think of me as a dynamic go-getter and a survivor. They romanticise my suffering. Most of my anguish is to do with feeling like I take more than I give and not being ok with it. Feeling like I don’t deserve the air I breathe. My life has never been more stable but my self-esteem has never been lower? I had to give up a fulfilling job as a disability carer because of my own health issues. I don’t want my family to think I spent their money on my addiction in the past. I did sex work to fund it. I guess my friends will tell my family everything after I pass. I come from a conservative family. Even though they’ve done things that have hurt me, they have no idea because it was mostly unintentional - I don’t want them to suffer. They were doing the right thing according to their values. Although I want to somehow explain my humanity and clear conscience to them, if them believing I’m a bad person makes them distance themselves from my death better, then it may be for the best in the long run. 

I have a small profile as a musician. There will be articles written about my passing in local and national press, perhaps internationally here and there on the Internet also. I am a popular and well-liked person and I know my funeral or memorial will be weird for my friends - since my family don’t really know me so it will be a weird, stilted, probably even cringey affair. I won’t be spoken of in my family again after I die. That’s how my family operates - with stoicism. Maybe I should request no funeral and my friends will probably come up with some sort of memorial of their own. I know funerals are more for closure for the living. In an ideal world I would prefer not to be remembered. I used to have pride in myself, in my prolific body of work, my intelligence, charisma, originality etc. Even though I know I’m a person of decency and integrity, I haven’t been able to escape society’s judgements on someone like me. The way people treat me because of my work. I’ve lost the fight. Hopefully it will get easier for women like me in future generations. 

The way I go depends on so many things. I always told myself if i committed suicide it would be by heroin OD. I’ve OD’d before and it was painless. But I’m clean and I don’t want to disappoint and horrify my loved ones by dying that way. The second method I have in mind is burning charcoal. I’ll need to rent a hotel room or apartment to do this as I don’t want to kill my cat. Luckily have friends who will look after him after I die. He is one of the few things keeping me hanging on right now. I don’t want him to go to through the pound system because he has a disability and is older and most likely won’t be adopted. 

When I’m very distressed by living, imagining my death is the only thing that brings me peace. It’s hard to know whether to continue living life as usual so no one suspects and intervenes, or to slowly dial back on...life. People care about me though, and they’ll notice. But like, what’s the point in getting my aircon fixed or going to my medical appointments? I’ve been to psych wards several times, I know not to mention feeling suicidal to my psych or medical professionals or friends because it’ll be straight to the psych ward for a week where I’ll sit around doing nothing, feeling like even more of a waste of the world’s resources, before I’m ejected back into the real world, scrambling to clean up the mess I made. 

Every other time I’ve been genuinely suicidal in the past was because I was spun out on hard drugs, or having a bad reaction to SSRIs. Right now I’m clean, not on any meds except Suboxone, living a healthy lifestyle. Suboxone has made my world kind of flat. It’s taken away my sex drive and my desire to connect with people. But it’s also given me stability and reigned in my anxiety. I’m twice as depressed without Suboxone. At least I can get out of bed right now. 

My biggest fear is failing at committing suicide and ending up even more reliant on others. I feel like I have to earn my place in this world - obviously a solution to this would be to devote myself to service to others more, but it’s so hard even I’m not feeling ok physically or mentally. 



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suicidewatch,vicodin-zombie,2019/01/21,"Losing hope day by day Backstory: I've been suicidal as far back as I can remember, I have 3 attempts in my past, I'm 30 yo, last year in January I almost died of sepsis caused by a kidney infection which was a symptom of multiple sclerosis, it changed everything for me my whole outlook on dying was different I spent 6-7 months wanting to live it was so nice to feel so different about life... that's over now I have ptsd from my near death experience and the only thing that brings me comfort is thinking about killing myself, I have panic attacks and anxiety just about constantly the last 2 months and its driving me crazy, small pains cause panic and I have MS my life is constant small pain, I'm so scared to die now that I can't take it and want to end it myself, I see a psychiatrist twice a week and am working on changing my medication I have a safety plan, but honestly feel like my life will end this year, I'm working so hard doing everything the doctors say what my friends say but it's hard to stay this way every day, I feel so scared like so many bad things are gonna happen I can't read or watch tv, play games, lay down, go for a run, nothing staying in bed all day crying over panic is killing my soul, I wish I could will my anxiety and panic attacks away, I'm losing this battle",5.6390314465408835,5.2894523245283045,6.395094339622641,80.67918238993711,67.26415094339623,9.783647798742141,32.0062893081761,9.3871,2.6370553459119503,1026,38,212,18,15,339,153,265,0.251,0.648,0.101,-0.9919,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,6,13,24,5,6,9,0,21,10,1,2,1,25,40,18,7,5,4,0,5,2,1,3,9,2,1,0,16,7,0,0,5,4,1,4,2,16,0,1,5,9,28,8,27,31,2,39,1,2,2,0,4,13,0,3,21,124,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282953989167856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265571879713968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820599588077613,0.07771573172655216,0.0636045842011802,0.06906558414410256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994713594021615,0.1750081085068294,0.0,0.0,0.17877627354842193,0.0,0.06604312292745287,0.0,0.09086119327771172,0.2133835515159409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575428436503397,0.17284418065498566,0.0,0.08466477650412893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146526150900449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969298741755005,0.0,0.1486821530131394,0.08091350143556472,0.0,0.0,0.12547322708479516,0.059093335859629885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390726753711735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047010211621504094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314673449961284,0.0,0.1481971080923154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215705445113751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302912216433107,0.0,0.0,0.13485146230619527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752772636108663,0.08082309884298983,0.0,0.07304099049534428,0.0,0.0,0.1850792520904851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838624730393798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332909055766602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204849862143936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793695879823668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291031942730994,0.17603431735148306,0.3882042433878472,0.0,0.0,0.07896312969031984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669222845039092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273979678521752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937027033159393,0.0,0.0,0.13156041255570944,0.16562911972046135,0.0,0.06591506812666068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633151117438833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047942345362862,0.0,0.0,0.08597506328907098,0.06219319972461521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990754641836532,0.05300197780547712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975777457924702,0.06565723168821859,0.06635091869258647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235103680008587,0.0951209418917394,0.0,0.0,0.12043852259705068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653460302119523
suicidewatch,Arctxc,2019/01/21,"My book of depression My book about Depression:

Experience

Part 1:

I think want to die because right now everything hurts so much. Not because of this or anything but mentally through socializing and family issues. I have been stressing out and trying to forget everything that happens throughout the whole of yr9. A lot of my friends seem right now to not care for me and only for themselves which I feel sad about but I realize that this isn't true. I guess it's just me falling in depression whenever something happens where it feels like every action you do, the whole world is against you. I tend to release my anger through cursing and throwing stuff everywhere, also kicking relieves it as well. I feel like I am also ugly that's why I try to make up for it by building my body but that does not seem to work as well. But deep inside I know it's just me being selfish and greedy and all round bad. But to be honest I can’t help myself. I also tend to cry whenever something like this happens. I feel like people will criticize me for doing this but again I just can't help it. I know this happens and it just makes me think like I am just some worthless being who craves attention and will do basically anything non life threatening to get it. I tried to change my attitude the following year but it seems like everybody's likes and hates about me have not changed. Sometimes I like to bang my head against some rough surface because I want people to worry and this feels like it is wrong because it is. The actions I take to relieve my mental pain sometimes harm me even more as I do not like to damage property, especially my own which makes me fall into a deeper state of depression. As my personality shows a lot of bad things from me like a snobby king or boy. I do not like when people tend to think they are better than me when they are not, this makes sense but when those people do something less skillful than I do and gets more attention from it I tend to flip out. Some people even called my passion sad and just a waste of time. In conclusion, I feel like I am just a piece of trash.

Part 2:

I loathe my personality, people says it's what makes what you are but I don't really like the position I am in. Sometimes I enjoy other people suffer and that's wrong. Writing all of this down kind of really allow me to be distracted of what I am going through. To put it simply, I am mentally suffering from my own personality. I can’t change it therefore catching myself in a catch-22. 

Part 3:

Right now I do not think much about love or any kind of relationship. I see other people doing it but I do not feel a lot of that. However I did have some in the past which caused a majority of major breakdowns which includes the other side ruining the relationship with things like cheating and such. I actually do respect other people's true perspective of crushes but it seems like it does not really change anything as in my society, I do not of that much power.

Part 3.5:

To get people to understand you and listen to you; there are certain times where I try to express my feelings or ideas or basically anything to others but they always ignore me. I feel like to get them to finally listen, i must be known for something, to do something. Thats why to get someone to look or stop, I be loud and shout. This always end me up in a bad place.

Part 4: 

I don’t get what’s wrong with my internal body as ever since I was 6, my digestive tract was starting to get weaker. I get stomach aches and cramps more easily which ends up making me develop a bad posture due to hours of it in the toilet. A lot of people just get by after a few minutes but there were times where I had to try to sleep up straight sitting down, on the toilet and waking up to throw up. Diarrhea is such a joke to everybody and my sister and cousins often joke about me suffering about it.

Part 5:

Part of my true personality changes, especially when my sister starts to judge my tastes. Older siblings tend to think themselves as better than the younger and me and my sister used to have a smooth relationship until I craved her attention as her schoolwork became more stressful. When I was 7 yrs to 11, entering a foot into her room would make me end up in a beating. I was shorter and weaker than her back then and my parents always believe her because I do tend to lie more but even in the situations where I was right, I get scolded. Her friends do not help as she tends to push me away and forget about my existence which I do make sense about, I also tend to get used to this abuse until I stopped talking to her for quite a while just to make sure I wasn’t “annoying her”. Fortunately and eventually as I grew taller and bigger we started to respect each other and right now, she even helps me with some things. I feel like life would be harder without an older sibling.

What to do when you have depression:

Just like this book, try to write out or at least tell your feelings to a trusted friend. To be honest I do not really know what true depression feels like because I always recover fast. But I do have an idea of what might relieve:

1. Spend more time socializing with family or friends
2. Drink more water, people with depression tend to reject consuming food or liquid
3. Sleep more early
4. Go to a therapist 
5. Consult your fears and push on

And if truly necessary, nobody will stop you. If you feel like truly nothing can relieve your suffering then,

  6. Commit suicide. (But it is highly encouraged not to do this. Call these numbers if you feel like it:)

📷

​

(I have to put this out because people will not publish this)

They always say it's never too late but people who gets saved from suicide still suffer. 

END

Reference: 

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_suicide\_crisis\_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines)

References

List of suicide crisis lines. (2019, January 03). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List\_of\_suicide\_crisis\_lines",5.6006543433125735,6.922558134038803,5.7727781126515305,79.24144364074748,67.74779541446208,8.56364164043489,29.521978880628676,8.877889195577609,2.33710661487286,4780,172,874,80,79,1515,409,1134,0.195,0.654,0.151,-0.9975,3,0,6,0,1,8,137.0,1,12,5,9,55,93,4,4,34,0,75,19,8,14,12,186,155,85,4,8,55,5,17,22,4,8,5,6,1,5,72,43,5,4,37,7,1,16,24,38,2,0,10,26,136,55,152,129,40,111,0,19,3,2,67,48,0,28,67,630,208,6,0.0,0.038803566329662816,0.03195941712960093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047611160864388,0.13625372046336445,0.03548476828563809,0.0397950107011243,0.022271221563087588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078023149449289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030769839175821486,0.02518283986055107,0.10938001197367013,0.13974929036560282,0.0,0.0,0.03689819827724247,0.0,0.057929683453478625,0.0,0.07275605592162263,0.0,0.0,0.06688311919946491,0.0,0.033390955379452004,0.03364342022585185,0.17322655380017615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03597449631325058,0.0,0.0,0.1974535625212602,0.0,0.03398947979579278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057319744953140385,0.0,0.0,0.032082673863911004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602763039336025,0.0,0.0,0.08652464725518308,0.029624381017645782,0.02759340955658661,0.0,0.058867436938332574,0.032035925944634766,0.06174784379360331,0.03685301806293538,0.23183240190445556,0.23396710040142146,0.0,0.035876182892530195,0.0,0.0,0.039601605176939385,0.0,0.10121072275056286,0.0,0.20532718779708234,0.0,0.03722532411596168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036077976860175526,0.0,0.1158433798041756,0.0,0.0,0.03233398777738423,0.03361109705540466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878069270563425,0.03460232616469371,0.0,0.0,0.03225229568433223,0.0,0.035059707439779174,0.07394185439766501,0.0,0.03418264249130755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820847231163517,0.05399586939364125,0.0,0.036943589911197706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046264791719484666,0.3520014632333074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02750187335748532,0.0,0.0,0.11137200805467698,0.029558284397748723,0.0,0.19674878409821697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901332934322496,0.034742728246411725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222537428203042,0.0,0.025258930707456155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03142464728070299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024907960952988428,0.034848463200405355,0.0,0.03636516016169832,0.24825650792424045,0.03126371903618784,0.3178675755673943,0.1143846530800259,0.0342169308779311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584588249356947,0.0,0.03483381036608505,0.0,0.0,0.08392232568083413,0.0,0.0,0.105484197577959,0.0,0.13984222388346942,0.0,0.05208845939310438,0.0,0.0,0.026097625287207042,0.1192580075271618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02709125826854227,0.03681253501308853,0.06554759326933877,0.06676929674743813,0.0277490914715677,0.12606330774779834,0.09717219209148882,0.0,0.0695421633128131,0.0,0.02615430799963902,0.08214176270150224,0.07503036059872248,0.0,0.03749108047460313,0.10747002877815083,0.0,0.03086662395954793,0.0,0.02462403313771199,0.02632332589444613,0.028625070138947026,0.0,0.0,0.03802544241325753,0.0652732230470682,0.10492485220452442,0.0,0.0,0.07638749137754394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334111915515513,0.0,0.0,0.034094055807348936,0.0,0.05657121996511694,0.0,0.0,0.03863376794466557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889262674791055,0.0,0.059103823575099676,0.07312873434834176,0.0,0.03156997096468892,0.0,0.023842495518952005,0.033259361847090475,0.0,0.04652952653861225,0.10742142664004484,0.0397950107011243,0.021090019541707486
suicidewatch,portulas,2019/01/21,"When do suicidal thoughts become dangerous I have contemplated suicide before, but never to the point of actually come up with a specific plan or preparing.  I suspect most people have had the thought at least cross their mind in their life.  My question is, when does it cross the line?  How frequent do the thoughts have to be before you would say that is has become a problem?",6.0847826086956545,7.790190231884061,5.8673623188405815,77.57582608695652,66.97101449275362,8.998260869565216,34.08985507246377,9.3871,3.2822150724637686,302,14,52,6,5,94,53,69,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,2,1,3,2,1,0,6,0,11,1,0,1,1,15,15,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,4,1,6,0,7,9,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,4,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.1861264671832459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212959961661354,0.32459698063434816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429833097728244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691045372807034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471932549327906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925844813616717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710391989755056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322292327184462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030295275886016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825043224702135,0.0,0.0,0.21366297289213326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167737397308315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172586899492631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542586074159771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549021183993545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mlisse,2019/01/21,"I just need someone to talk to ;( I need a hug. Idk anymore. I feel like everything I do is wrong. My life choice are wrong. My mom says I act like a victim. Maybe I do, do I do it on purpose? NO. I just wish she’d understand sometimes. Today we argued how I don’t have any responsibilities around the house! I clean but I feel like she doesn’t notice what I do and when she gets home I’m in bed watching Netflix or in my room.  I too work but she says its a waste of time. She’s basically saying I’m making nothing out of it. I won’t tell her, but, that job has mentally helped me. It makes me happy. I forget about all the bull crap in my life when I’m there. I have attitude. I’m not perfect but she says I don’t do anything. I Don’t pay anything in the house (she says not to pay anything in the first place) I don’t clean (she doesn’t notice) I don’t cook (least fav thing to do) and what I keep saying is “I’ll move out” and she’ll say “I hate you acting like the victim” that’s so much easier to do. I don’t feel like enough for her. So I’d rather leave. But I feel like I’d probably hardly come back. I use people away so I don’t get hurt. My sister is perfect she does everything my mom wants her to do. She loves cooking for the family. I just want to feel as important. I remember when I was 15~16 thinking “if only I got hit by a car/bus my mom would probably care”. I know that’s so bad but I never had no one by me. My dad wasn’t in the picture, my mom worked. I’m the oldest so I had to carry my self tough because I wanted to protect my sister. so growing up I felt like I watched myself. I hardly cried acted like everything was cool. I did my homework on my own, I skipped a grade, I learned a lot but I was always lonely. When I was in 8th grade I met a boy who was older than me. He listened to me and understood me. I loved him so much and I ended up sleeping with him. I never felt so loved. My mom found out and beat the crap out of me. I know I was stupid. But I feel like my mom hated me even more. I regret it everyday because I never wanted my mom to hate me. I literally stop dating because I didn’t want her to hate me again. I know that’s dumb but I stopped caring about me. I didn’t want to disappoint her anymore. I’m a big cry baby now. And if she sees me cry, she doesn’t have no sympathy. I feel like I’m stupid and not good enough. I wish she’d hug me more as a kid or told me she loved me. I’m just a mess. ",-1.344167667547442,0.6020693738489875,1.5174361438065491,98.19987749219317,92.83057090239409,4.547457762831292,16.15685803507086,6.126862281377924,-0.6015291376411245,1862,45,464,19,69,646,217,543,0.199,0.614,0.187,-0.8589,1,2,0,0,0,0,65.0,1,1,0,6,27,44,12,0,19,1,44,13,3,4,6,82,101,36,0,15,21,10,11,10,0,3,2,8,6,3,13,16,2,4,18,3,2,6,23,21,0,2,19,23,114,23,43,76,10,46,0,4,3,6,57,20,3,5,30,296,127,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046092063553455805,0.0,0.0,0.03766967082469275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098714926134794,0.0,0.0,0.13675308648692994,0.04931220952978265,0.0,0.0,0.05204428099278627,0.04259439857354625,0.046251493594295284,0.10130260482077694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295530369566137,0.0,0.0,0.04771683769820721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254240303328928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484754713167336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049062448495540215,0.11447316756928175,0.0,0.036587070124248035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935307649013305,0.0,0.052220327099047434,0.0,0.19606132159164785,0.2374399706176025,0.10637343392559928,0.0,0.0,0.04711792208460048,0.0,0.060736422040459224,0.0,0.0,0.0578819288812259,0.0,0.0,0.046461675622912174,0.04430346723205933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896771024797435,0.09924389521304144,0.2187595633357514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037129283961486376,0.0,0.05556447918707216,0.0,0.0,0.12783397264124574,0.059300188574093575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054969780549781064,0.04923653801908874,0.0,0.0,0.09132892060679504,0.0,0.0,0.05865401617697905,0.0,0.0,0.07825253185637776,0.27062603500232885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047093811969637266,0.19998020140058848,0.0,0.0739515583287504,0.0,0.05565049875643592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558239028043551,0.0,0.0,0.4541356902540429,0.0,0.05887482305735516,0.08144160590645,0.08214757389904105,0.12816929719435907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315182714576016,0.1261323743385355,0.0,0.0,0.03753625981817608,0.042129466825855416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840307323302628,0.0,0.05787471150389097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944773049028096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275035585224081,0.0,0.0,0.3083595076906313,0.0,0.0,0.04414167184725254,0.0,0.05778779484143055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543378603666778,0.0,0.04693497114458809,0.0,0.054785866131190464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262336308946316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044523423138062776,0.048416606444931176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03680116690628033,0.03549409836077278,0.0,0.0,0.032300559347015145,0.0,0.05250682765730751,0.05293113189032229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766687991062702,0.0,0.047842441605654935,0.0,0.0,0.1960361245211409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274002294807141,0.0,0.0,0.0806546650612747,0.0,0.0,0.03935015291759629,0.12112880800264395,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omuzak,2019/01/21,"How to feel alive and not kill yourself? My girlfriend is facing a crisis and I don't know what to do.

She says that nothing in this world means anything. Having goals in life is nonsense to her; there is nothing she wants to achieve in her life. Going to school means nothing, money means nothing,

Thankfully, however, she loves music and nature. She likes to watch trees, flowers, birds, and the moon. She likes to play piano and feel the beauty of music (she plays classical piano). She says this is the only reason she has not killed herself.

She says she's so close to be ""awakened"" but I have no idea what that means.

Could someone with similar experience give me some clue and hopefully how she can stop having suicidal thoughts. Thank you.",3.9805183946488287,6.507874253623192,3.855797101449277,86.32560200668898,74.57971014492753,6.275139353400222,25.83277591973244,7.321109707123232,1.3670662207357864,589,21,105,7,13,179,87,138,0.113,0.73,0.157,0.4763,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,4,10,2,0,4,0,13,4,1,3,0,28,28,10,3,3,3,0,2,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,6,8,0,1,10,2,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,6,19,8,13,25,1,7,0,0,1,1,21,5,0,2,3,70,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221891983934282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917611204727242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150676904430567,0.0,0.0,0.1256143589894938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915899781702133,0.07059463284711287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337419668464675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022438184761493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748524891474827,0.0,0.06826568858035921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547441494456914,0.12137101262860105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210949987430133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412291574068462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767531759230601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447162114526647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771440595933373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963438804433057,0.0,0.12571289856408227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524754160226688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038498695361848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358717916514455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287222163815078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861337398821568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326562570840807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,F_off_im_depressed,2019/01/21,"Welp, bye Welp, in an hour's time I'll finally be wiped off of the face this miserible planet, I've already made up my mind so there's no use talking me out of it but feel free to give it a shot because this account along with all my others are going to be deleted


(And Chloe if you see this somehow I'm sorry but this is goodbye)👋",0.5596281800391374,2.3039946301369882,2.7018003913894333,94.2664383561644,82.15068493150685,5.267318982387477,22.757338551859107,6.18269132825596,0.3101639921722117,260,9,60,2,7,88,60,73,0.045,0.892,0.063,0.5041,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,2,1,13,11,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,2,10,8,1,8,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,2,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358999344740292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855522141339355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390781365981132,0.0,0.0,0.3334423815017128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29199688601596685,0.1729908218299308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997610507811384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28801946321913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073452984921834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425579765097445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34073765576115506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446556954395879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749120020773654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628936635501621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,remercm,2019/01/21,I started writing the letters. Idk why I'm telling this to all of you. I think I just want someone to know that I'll go away soon. I'm writing the letters and already talked with someone of trust to send them when I die. I already found the place. Tomorrow I'll go there with a friend (of course she doesn't know) to see if the building is high enough and if I can jump easily. I think this will be my last post. I wish you luck in your lifes. Wish me luck! ,1.0281179138321974,2.721458591836736,2.142380952380954,99.09706349206353,80.42857142857143,5.171882086167801,23.133786848072557,5.82211442006289,0.05909160997732421,354,12,86,2,9,112,63,98,0.052000000000000005,0.731,0.21600000000000005,0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,20,19,5,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,15,4,11,16,2,14,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,4,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029651282489911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715407664377165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949014915785334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886548774120787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019053369089898,0.1410615509975546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752986693418407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929067460152216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068337628349595,0.1488278028484944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896228974894924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907581809058956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486203288307978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549333905812675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30940040939332863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923170128007144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675161197044256,0.15958375482270518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23398093779666584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769094576244047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475086427229424,0.0,0.4199180504096472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hp710,2019/01/21,"clout or naw? some people i follow on social media, whether it is influencers or friends from growing up share some pretty personal stories about their “mental illnesses” ( i don’t believe all these people have been doctor diagnosed). i personally have a check list of things wrong with me but have never wanted to post about it on my facebook or instagram. 

i’m just wondering your own personal thoughts, what do you think about when people share their mental illness stories? ",7.334257028112449,9.334364132530123,6.580903614457832,72.51946787148597,64.3012048192771,9.388755020080325,34.315261044176715,9.725611199111238,3.7138369477911652,385,17,57,8,6,118,63,83,0.08900000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.118,0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,2,16,13,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,3,10,11,4,8,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,6,2,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689939789823634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539949953431426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704809397921227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873724091144844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880213221086711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848006455045673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003986778156381,0.5042921512476299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843769342338164,0.19585779427457933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962456290384798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789895296430928,0.12335636063704072,0.0,0.15283605267781392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355081544599994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877518890991806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104858217785095,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hellawanderlustt,2019/01/21,It’s never gonna get better Every year I wait for it “to get better” and I’m only 16 and life still isn’t getting better it’s like each year the universe is like fuck you and it just keeps getting worse I’m at my lowest. There’s no getting better . There’s actually nothing to live for. What’s the point of breathing. I wish I had the guts to kill myself.,-0.8027272727272745,1.3537180779220819,1.6984415584415586,95.35337662337663,95.49350649350649,3.31948051948052,16.090909090909093,4.851557810540192,-0.86472987012987,280,7,61,1,11,95,48,77,0.298,0.613,0.08900000000000001,-0.9518,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,4,4,8,2,0,3,0,3,4,2,0,1,9,15,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,7,13,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,6,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.16798022721548042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6089623818591653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503228229003393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913726341149384,0.4496706390665564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530026793813338,0.1904433451388381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215849806271632,0.16819423189197366,0.0,0.1519995331638898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276214964285685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516945127543167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309174358027335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627244713253853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746829557707516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979482844304456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542162639210998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170030574892294
suicidewatch,throwawayfailure7773,2019/01/21,"Just done with it all I know I’ve had times that are worse in the past, but at least I experienced emotion along with it. I had dreams in the military but was kicked out due to a condition during bootcamp, didn’t even make it to be a soldier. I came home 8 months ago and now I just have a minimum wage job and I’ve just been completely numb since I’ve been here. I no longer cry but I don’t feel happy either. I’m just existing, not living. I feel like nobody appreciates my existence or love, for the last few days I’ve been writing appreciation messages to people who I thought were friends as my way of a goodbye - sent them and got left on read or ignored. I feel like I only matter when I’m only saying negative things. I go by days where I come home from work, hoping someone reaches out to me, for anything - just to get nothing. I used to pass the time by playing video games, but now I don’t even have enough motivation for that. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I matter to absolutely nobody and spending everyday for the last 3 days just trying to call the suicide hotline is more than a pain in the ass. I feel like a part of me wants to still be here and see if it gets better, but a majority knows it’s just getting worse and worse and I just wanna end it. ",4.607061320754717,4.578723052830188,5.697299528301888,83.715383254717,69.41509433962264,8.738207547169813,29.01533018867925,8.472884824447931,1.8416084905660384,999,33,218,14,16,333,151,265,0.17800000000000002,0.669,0.153,-0.8847,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,3,19,12,0,0,14,0,19,4,1,3,1,52,43,17,1,5,19,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,10,14,0,1,8,5,2,5,7,3,0,0,13,7,24,9,32,27,8,32,0,0,1,2,10,9,1,4,20,143,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171255131481023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137940054865815,0.0,0.0,0.09442353124751916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148066446481706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716520742413425,0.1312351725307426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884074497711802,0.12030562179036465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603955595882196,0.2219988020610464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742170181462992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290701835795551,0.10162804564651344,0.11855996445111636,0.0,0.15157304809185218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206958887500234,0.2459167949437541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886499872206253,0.0,0.17984510019870448,0.0,0.06521096614034969,0.0,0.09177028314369216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214582297694053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301927278522115,0.11396547071813795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386450407993373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611926224483572,0.18706136048116315,0.0,0.0,0.12466836623715355,0.0,0.0,0.16817257932521454,0.0,0.1013199769530649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355983883573086,0.0,0.07659169666336785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158659231123012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100987920701904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453410944341688,0.12209440792110872,0.0,0.0,0.12425524917191268,0.10953496695632907,0.07954819621053283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477383105742345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912480641190774,0.0,0.0,0.09143513988735764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491641336129378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722118516636157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163373235251014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550997784774828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623000451223684,0.0,0.0,0.09109295045216982,0.1338148755468152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790281572754695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991009211409847,0.0,0.0,0.13535652909109014,0.09107747795227918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353411044290389,0.0,0.3507980868063655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Piper_27,2019/01/21,I’ve made my decision The best is yet to come ,-0.5154545454545456,0.7525920000000035,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,83.54545454545455,8.036363636363637,20.090909090909093,8.841846274778883,0.9296545454545456,36,1,10,1,1,13,11,11,0.0,0.682,0.318,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341404009224293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205220756800895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.571771563342942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JakaylaDanyellBitch,2019/01/21,Car crash I am a mom of three. I love my life and my kids. I have high high blood pressure and deep deep deeep depression. I can not convince myself to take my Paxil or my blood pressure medicine. All I want to do is get on my car alone and drive. Fast. Very fast and hit a tree. I feel like it’s about to happen. I don’t want to die. But I feel like it’d be best. ,-1.4768292682926831,0.3817091219512214,0.5592195121951207,105.65834146341464,91.92682926829269,3.76780487804878,14.297560975609755,4.935628992294339,-1.4679843902439031,276,5,75,1,10,90,53,82,0.204,0.619,0.177,-0.3485,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,2,2,0,8,4,2,0,1,12,17,6,1,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,0,2,14,5,7,14,2,10,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851857281263744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416828324990159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835474702760975,0.0,0.23901226223953426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328904925562441,0.3290489074415895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032084620865773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365116235095196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866435323554072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266581008815034,0.22502327871202335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785232560987685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697214415674415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315492620261574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900194103396701,0.2716706560608997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anoncello,2019/01/21,"How do people keep on going? For the past four years or so I've struggled with suicidal thoughts. I'm graduating next May and I have no real plans, unlike most of my friends. I really don't know what I'm doing. I argue with my parents every single freaking day about my future and it goes nowhere. Usually I'm reminded that I chose the wrong major (I'm a Biology major) and since my grades are so shitty I can't do anything with them. I know this is not as profound of a reason to have suicidal thoughts but it happened. Right now, man, I'm just tired. When I had better days, I used to think, like, I can have a new start, I can do this, all sorts of encouragement stuff and motivational things to keep me going. But now, I'm just tired. I really want to end it.   

But then I think about my high school classmate. He killed himself a few months ago and everyone was shocked, including me, because he was the smartest and most successful person in our school. Went to a top school and everything. I even thought he was gonna be fine. I wasn't close with him at all but I was seriously affected when I heard about the news. And basically, this is pretty much the only reason I'm alive right now. So I don't disrupt the equilibrium of my friends' lives and my family members' lives and whoever I know. But the stupid thing is that it's for them and not for me. I kinda wanna do something for myself. I'm really losing hope. 

And so I ask whoever is on this sub: how do you keep on going? ",2.710199335548176,4.362602837209305,4.355433887043192,85.28084518272429,75.44518272425248,7.73958803986711,24.66458471760797,8.488131031819089,1.5498820199335548,1158,38,243,22,25,389,156,301,0.14,0.715,0.146,0.7844,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,2,6,17,17,3,1,12,0,27,2,0,7,2,57,58,28,3,3,10,1,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,2,14,17,0,3,11,0,0,4,7,9,0,1,11,1,37,8,27,44,9,32,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,7,19,161,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280256271103432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615205858786944,0.0,0.097872277478868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381887363439856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259098907867358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503451628291438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272545971361493,0.0,0.0,0.06914764755683869,0.0,0.08820697544287577,0.10003706884172857,0.09408983246082893,0.0,0.09869368498995047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176855052846478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784955159355762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257821271282098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106121564287425,0.0,0.10398213009599876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791634394036746,0.11582546452883705,0.0,0.17260687976432934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114690415082898,0.0,0.1848887554882961,0.0,0.0,0.11712283867472875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356363464078473,0.0,0.07696018624281548,0.0,0.0,0.10111155564337987,0.11134043560380498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962248723220637,0.0,0.0,0.11624735184614007,0.0,0.09993973711812372,0.0725797983822938,0.09141244637221098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650873747336748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191616731367022,0.2012038736620541,0.21528028278946051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881167722561372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178596981664211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660176437817199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059651394623286,0.0,0.0,0.07410107449749763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944612717836756,0.11984654552995665,0.2290306838145391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910455853798265,0.1341639762606668,0.0,0.2493397069759583,0.0,0.2406546061181859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904197105472505,0.11530272842350513,0.0,0.06174966912610906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704992785086236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446355360381501,0.0,0.06741779525253007
suicidewatch,poopydoopyloops,2019/01/22,"Everything is falling apart I'm divorced for over a year now, I hardly get to see my kids, I lost my job for self medicating with marijuana, so I had to move in with my girlfriend and now I dont think she wants me here anymore. I sold all my furniture to move here. I'm just always a problem. I have aspergers so it's hard for me to connect with people. I just dont feel normal. I've never really been able to connect with someone, and I never will. My life has come so off course. I just never make the right choices. I'm tired of being a burden. I'm tired of this weight on my chest. I'm tired of not being normal. I'm tired of trying

~JAB",-0.08641304347825951,2.0299870797101462,2.5665036231884057,92.02410326086957,87.6231884057971,5.189130434782608,18.769927536231886,6.6274283507984215,0.0939840579710145,499,14,111,6,16,173,80,138,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.9627,1,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,4,0,10,8,1,1,4,22,25,5,0,4,4,0,4,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,2,0,1,4,6,3,0,0,4,5,18,0,20,18,1,16,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,0,6,71,20,1,0.12852613700231266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694404200009087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746339190304745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071388654557182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012633507079799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551100452452352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498667664669212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714960186303033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302683472959925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754235906651662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078181153417317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030146113762193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579219447085366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947656139443134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732058868439027,0.0,0.0,0.2973818407235962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518566511590345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910384044754714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298215527726528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233713446350996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976061874509332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241869085578977,0.0,0.13408079140234602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088997787989804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235435893312787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5908875501024627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726081034736154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580804560134906,0.0,0.0,0.15651020972591312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276661833456295
suicidewatch,throwaway567808,2019/01/22,"I struggle kill me Sometimes i spend time out in the “streets”. There people looking to kill me. It seems so easy, all i gotta do is tell em what corner I’m on.That’s my life with a flash. The Cowards way out by my enemy. ",-1.1019727891156457,0.8557498571428575,1.321530612244899,100.13358843537416,91.24489795918369,4.082993197278912,18.37074829931973,5.46131890053228,-0.5940231292517009,169,5,42,1,6,57,41,49,0.277,0.655,0.068,-0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,0,6,5,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.660740991168671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091884453155435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507592981801304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702031335259355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184561103482424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953354046680426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121746277710918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610004927699113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412335405835366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23702470858224464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slh2031,2019/01/22,"pills i took 5g of acetaminophen a few hours ago and im pretty small so i thought it would at least do st, not kill me but at least make me feel shitty n nothing has even happened n i wasted some of my pills",-1.2788652482269498,0.6888168936170231,0.7713829787234054,103.4841666666667,92.82978723404257,3.1333333333333333,16.343971631205672,3.1291,-1.3139900709219858,162,4,41,0,6,53,38,47,0.189,0.7190000000000001,0.092,-0.7738,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,8,8,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,4,5,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749943145786154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048996211863834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685826552934454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27432951640729225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055075462426706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33509449233042704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34321621406118896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707651960441206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29766770639315365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31560871168312943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462827168203253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34466959731909913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203737932297046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisIsNotMyReallName,2019/01/22,"I’m dead now Congratulations world, you killed me",4.526666666666664,7.697708333333335,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,76.77777777777777,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.314244444444444,41,1,8,1,1,13,9,9,0.4970000000000001,0.282,0.22,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway19293837,2019/01/22,"is it reasonable to kill myself cause i'm failing eighth grade? before you say it let me say it for you: ""haha, you havent even experienced pain yet, kiddo. *its not a phase mum!!!!!!* hahaha fucking loser""

i have goals in life. i need to live to get there, but it's not gonna happen anyway. everyone actively avoids me. i've asked for help but no one cared. i want a job and a husband but i wont get either cause i'm failing almost all of my classes. i'm almost certain i'm retaking 8th grade and honestly, if i have to, i'm killing myself the day i get told i am. i'm too dumb to learn, everyone knows that and so do i. why should i live to watch myself fail when i can just go through a few seconds of pain to have an eternity of peace? ",-0.5776582278481008,1.554448639240512,2.128974683544307,93.86966455696205,91.08860759493672,5.438481012658229,18.65949367088608,6.961326702584282,0.25309518987341795,567,17,130,9,20,196,99,158,0.199,0.644,0.157,-0.8563,1,1,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,3,0,5,8,15,4,1,6,1,11,4,0,3,2,24,30,9,2,4,8,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,11,0,2,1,4,19,4,14,25,3,6,0,4,1,1,10,1,2,3,4,79,25,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30797907146687376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376454877432418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308563706515306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679005773512114,0.3159510555882049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991760731559756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157095150831973,0.0,0.0,0.2938888198620358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421681283822651,0.2410327981294118,0.0,0.08739733037021621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598809918228186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307621484813484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260399085480314,0.0,0.34027195593072945,0.0,0.08451405860738821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725157098357626,0.10862012305980932,0.0,0.0,0.27158301810193736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402672059679032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420603816726118,0.0,0.32726781819091944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811256012673336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445857706905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469444099310179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907040639857966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876350355055905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ninrea33,2019/01/22,I feel like the worlds biggest fuck up I moved back home with my parents after failing out of university because I was too depressed to go and was too scared to tell anyone. I've been back for 4 days and tonight my father blew up on me and basically told me fine go kill yourself and picked through my finances to yell at me about my choices of how I spend money. He yelled at me for failing and dis everything that made me not want to tell him I was failing. He feels like I'm a burden and if my own fucking father tells me to kill myself I probably should. ,6.256115942028991,5.254591321739131,6.558043478260871,82.18257246376811,66.21739130434783,9.057971014492756,33.94927536231884,7.793537801064563,2.275579710144928,442,17,93,4,6,143,74,115,0.251,0.6970000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9805,1,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,3,6,13,4,1,2,0,5,2,0,3,0,17,15,8,2,3,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,10,0,0,6,4,19,3,19,8,1,16,0,4,0,2,10,8,2,1,7,60,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102065812544092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617368854631834,0.0,0.105507174994455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162144933308407,0.0,0.149072439077922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555198412798166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502759214825084,0.24729492963138106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200169563891278,0.0,0.0,0.19672923868287095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361205783714848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829718971495984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691150300640052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377126001705888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395527746012907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218342467363525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660812265131124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328198226731326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538352631775347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538412427460364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208630731499564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,that_aidan,2019/01/22,"see ya, reddit. it’s been fun (not really). i hope you all don’t go the same way i’m going.",-3.419242424242423,-1.9286141363636384,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,99.45454545454544,4.751515151515153,7.333333333333332,6.42735559955562,-1.5934121212121206,67,0,19,1,3,26,21,22,0.0,0.721,0.279,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,6,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5716258769306858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994989032892487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221743137946221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007507871291176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991831917583947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MikeBlade,2019/01/22,"Pushing the off button Thats it.  I loved reddit.  If there is an afterlife, you all involved in this amazing media platform will have a spot in my heart.  Topping it all off with me being a lonely, depressed virgin.  My family doubts me and there is nobody to turn to.  My mother abandoned me and my father and his side of the family just dont have faith in me due to my quirkiness and personality.  They all get to experience love and the joys of life.  All the while im alone in my thoughts.  I always dreamed and aspired to be a scientist studying in the field of Biomedical Engineering (like my “father”) or even study Artificial Intelligence and it’s practical usage/possible detriment in modern society.  But now....i quit, an ADHD/Depression/Social Anxiety inflicted son of a bitch who is unwanted by all but...I digress,

Working out is my only and final release, without that....im useless and unneeded.

not sure if this is the right community as i saw it says “suicide” so....to be blunt do the fuckin math...  ANY advice on death methods would be helpful to end this shitstorm of a so called “life” i live.  Preferably painless and quick with a high success rate and or chance.  JUST GET ME OUT.",4.042785964912284,6.108629395555559,5.443532163742692,77.12726315789476,72.82222222222222,8.292397660818713,30.508771929824558,8.99025400887824,2.848066666666668,934,42,165,20,19,313,140,225,0.134,0.737,0.129,0.2115,0,3,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,1,1,4,8,15,2,1,15,0,15,7,1,0,6,37,22,19,2,6,9,4,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,9,15,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,2,20,8,27,14,5,23,1,4,1,4,15,16,2,5,7,116,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002377151544494,0.15450836588883765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375968589759232,0.0,0.0,0.13156453182287106,0.0,0.0,0.1075237735933562,0.0,0.12095771275985015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145332095164425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618440981974858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853098636913831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004315643002951,0.0,0.0,0.10443361352404333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546670279565432,0.2981139205648887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732074981070532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652173560298809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736730046530264,0.1059813010030691,0.16705741415201425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415831469423616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233629159540362,0.0772471112144247,0.0,0.13961863865097202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854103238467314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025375198189132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806011387264708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817500237187613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502953645397636,0.0,0.12573957155303925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295239074455976,0.0,0.1490217263932414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255258253633828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198395861689253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241743254811566,0.0,0.11510976543511132,0.0,0.0,0.11232051782098576,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,desuetude25,2019/01/22,"I feel absolutely worthless I've been on the brink before, and my friends did reach out, talking to me and reassuring me that they cared. But once it seemed like I was better it felt like they cared less? I can't help but think that all of that was fucking fake and that they did all that just out of pity. There's also the fact that when I speak addressing the group, like asking a question or starting a story, I tend to get ignored or spoken over until I speak a second time. I know these fuckers can hear me, I have a loud voice even when whispering and these same people have told me so. What I say seems to not fucking matter, hence I don't fucking matter, hence there's nothing wrong with taking my leave from here right? It's not like they'll fucking notice. It's not like they'll give a shit. Fuck this.",4.367636363636365,5.069040915151515,4.491515151515152,89.57727272727276,70.15151515151516,6.969696969696972,24.696969696969692,6.574015621080383,0.6446969696969695,641,16,137,4,11,199,99,165,0.187,0.66,0.153,-0.88,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,5,1,9,22,7,0,8,0,12,7,1,0,3,29,33,13,0,0,8,0,2,5,1,2,0,7,1,0,14,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,12,0,1,7,9,21,10,12,24,4,11,0,2,0,6,18,6,7,5,10,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644067708596557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244312987319578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325899386419815,0.0,0.0,0.11771685832511115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714103119102769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791183582720735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729977345742713,0.0,0.12779765949946734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028333628007653,0.6152478133070993,0.06953968453729809,0.12768243412634564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001429679546566,0.0,0.08921467351496594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314872938622728,0.0,0.0,0.14093454937075053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251316855777035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771382584300894,0.15153616493052124,0.0,0.14174802858672594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227534912899547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910337914114133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366737241006165,0.0,0.1058471137629386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423399739010129,0.0,0.0,0.13662607827529785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942094449487805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007525149322467,0.10698139676356787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528563061569112,0.0,0.0,0.07761215808750482,0.0,0.0,0.1271835367272637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455248513602128,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soupjan,2019/01/22,"The noose is tied. I have an eye bolt in the ceiling. I wrote a note and everything, even rewrote it so my handwriting wouldn't be so shit. I'm so fucking done. I'm running a bath. In 40 minutes this shit will all be over. ",-1.2220535714285743,0.8313535208333356,0.8509523809523821,101.175,97.125,4.40952380952381,21.44047619047619,6.18269132825596,0.10797261904761912,171,7,42,2,7,56,37,48,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.8816,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,5,0,7,4,3,0,1,4,11,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,3,5,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771960650518638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24345055651816586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33126538479072765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34075598839864657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7567057263231846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thegratewall22,2019/01/22,"I really wish I could drift off to sleep right now and not wake up...I don’t know how to do that It seems like everything in life is going wrong. The people I love are leaving, and I can’t handle my emotions. Just wish I could happily and peacefully drift off to sleep and never wake up again. End it feeling good. It’s the most happy thought I can think of",2.3412000000000006,3.70525932,3.6023333333333305,91.4995,75.8,7.133333333333333,21.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.7107333333333332,279,7,63,4,6,91,52,75,0.036000000000000004,0.638,0.326,0.975,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,8,6,4,1,1,18,17,5,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,1,7,4,8,14,1,12,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,5,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170073793042916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331056705260646,0.17583159698368908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841880269574056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003787049225809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282464642869308,0.16651086266225354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113303958793509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910251766548128,0.0,0.0,0.21020616887562868,0.0,0.0,0.14022198306689307,0.09698783770269573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917388581096574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311243052487666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763018158904924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717829793661592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953673167551386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072700308971967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973308069435396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720490292770706,0.0,0.1576043192611623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565810817150449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217052678830038,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifeisuselesslol,2019/01/22,"I've fucked everything up. I've been applying to jobs nonstop. I average three rejection letters a day. Yes I've been fixing up my resume, yes I've been constantly keeping up to date.

I'm just sick and tired of constantly being reminded that I'm completely worthless and that everyone around me has done what I am incapable of.",3.6319047619047637,6.1140663968254,5.362142857142857,75.32035714285716,75.50793650793649,10.549206349206347,32.72222222222222,10.504223727775694,4.446631746031747,265,14,46,10,6,90,42,63,0.279,0.645,0.076,-0.9381,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,7,3,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,8,6,0,8,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,4,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24053295430756394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832968133126111,0.583974759077832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425495790684814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765057313430762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25818517664946844,0.2428359836617365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979312487988264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26812920855415545,0.2401638470986661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105521418787026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoApplause,2019/01/22,"I Feel Trapped Its embarrassing that I'm taking this to reddit but it seems to be the only place I can get this off my chest and have people relate or help me without spending a ton of money or getting arrested and locked up. 

I've been suicidal for about 5 years now and I'm starting to go crazy I just dont know what to do. I have a loving girlfriend (who btw is my only friend)  and a loving mom and dad, but I just dont want to be here anymore. I'm tired of feeling like this and I just want it all to end. 

I feel trapped. 

I cant leave because of how heartbroken the people around me will be if I do..but being here is only making it worse. I cant seem to be happy no matter what I do or how hard I try. People tell me not to look so hard for happiness, and I've tried that, but it just doesnt work. The feeling of not being able to leave and not being able to live is literally killing me. It's like 2 walls are closing in on me. One wall being the people around me, and the other wall being the reasons I don't want to live. It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly why I dont want to live but I guess thats just what depression is. 

When I'm alone I want to be with my girlfriend, when I'm with my girlfriend I want to be alone. Its driving me absolutely crazy not wanting what I already have. Everything I do I want the opposite, and when i get the opposite i want to go back to what i was doing and it goes on forever. 

I have no hobbies or anything to do because I just dont enjoy anything anymore I dont know why. I stopped smoking weed 3 months ago because I thought that had something to do with it but I still feel the exact same way. 

I'm gonna lose my girlfriend, my only friend to this, and once that happens I'm gonna be so fucking sad. I already dont want to do anything as is, and if that happens its gonna make it so much worse. If she leaves me I'm gonna want to kill myself so fucking bad but again, I cant leave my mom and dad. So I really dread that day and how its gonna play out. 

I dont know what else to do I just wish I could disappear without hurting anyone I wish that more then anything. I'm tired of trying and not seeing any results I'm just so fucking tired and I want to be at peace. ",1.1439319877798368,2.474894644763861,3.2654369710021562,92.80711724345171,78.93839835728953,5.983252366404568,23.37702208644263,6.584502450881947,0.4790179696499228,1720,56,405,15,41,587,184,487,0.228,0.654,0.118,-0.9951,0,4,1,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,2,29,22,5,2,12,0,49,9,1,7,3,92,108,44,3,18,28,4,8,2,6,6,3,0,0,0,33,24,0,1,12,1,2,4,21,12,0,1,4,10,55,10,48,84,5,34,0,4,2,5,16,14,3,10,17,267,88,1,0.11373366661958426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040901658074815,0.0,0.0,0.11779377833869566,0.12550792928149146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03867139669746434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279323613874558,0.03976261206993949,0.0,0.18718623378296545,0.10124707622901084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437270846350952,0.04748143048446222,0.10399648130035606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454035391015282,0.0,0.0,0.03667440300907435,0.0,0.048979320201936835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665325358190106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047504942237659435,0.0,0.05036713534210776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110824298426185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376789789295172,0.04062567707904606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878703487017324,0.1577174131648766,0.08913171993713176,0.0,0.06463746373328551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264522811421235,0.0,0.10057430578049624,0.12107160298548475,0.15282453858354406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811663966615378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060877121205954135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582945106994942,0.0,0.09375757317267196,0.0,0.0,0.2408550622101645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556452460092497,0.0,0.15064336698368852,0.0,0.047753817702278566,0.06361944050104011,0.0,0.0,0.1026490745829878,0.0,0.07591810562496748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320349575521734,0.04539056380663982,0.0,0.04180366566439953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056132154226336,0.0385344379759288,0.1729991569989895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769720805976772,0.0,0.05941373732024177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03643034957674105,0.05846857580017961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045315503574175964,0.10353885855268488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437788665439848,0.0,0.0,0.04025063730865562,0.0,0.045413926539083216,0.047543218975223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062203085780380335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275678148423721,0.0,0.04970411881989716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514591356105407,0.0,0.19608017832145444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582654094112013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024983798595426,0.045138245348100486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262694398397224,0.0,0.13078810368491905,0.10963519602592127,0.0,0.04139973193024458,0.0,0.11590432282432878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662037619913906
suicidewatch,usernamethatisnttook,2019/01/22,"I want to get this off my chest. Throw away because my friend knows my main account and he babysits me enough as is. At the ripe old age of 24, I feel like a complete and total failure. To make a long drawn out story short, I have decided to honor my mother's wish and let her die first. After that, if I have not found a new reason to live I am very dead set determined on killing myself.   I hate my life and I have no ambition to change it or anything about me. I have been in community college long enough to have already graduated but I keep switching from major to major with no idea what I want to do because I kept being told when I was growing up the world was going to end so I just held out hope for the end of the world before I graduated high school. ",2.790849056603772,3.9324295471698143,4.123411949685536,89.09945754716982,74.28301886792453,6.809433962264151,24.57075471698113,7.1686216300943375,0.8447396226415096,594,18,131,6,12,196,109,159,0.105,0.7809999999999999,0.113,-0.1815,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,0,7,0,13,2,1,2,1,27,28,10,3,5,5,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,6,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,7,1,23,4,25,19,6,26,0,0,0,0,5,12,0,3,11,90,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274444587268165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881808510006654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707334489027282,0.0,0.0,0.1908491852563556,0.0,0.1332029795252463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655972821023139,0.0,0.16412794163758615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624625483442791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772938071618664,0.3234928282885214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915071501210923,0.1118313418984474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315181366847914,0.0,0.17163670197299427,0.12094147980942367,0.0,0.0817850561759392,0.0,0.08896460103472177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454964547874128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539182479785716,0.0,0.15547833798922828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671323843316422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391388678861406,0.17318697650402198,0.0,0.08602962440593806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007151723486313,0.11056797583432196,0.07647694506088266,0.0,0.1382266183125789,0.27706380395588565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449085697586034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118613754521468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426112604275628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094794624352654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842561133355934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495795208894694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291608947147724,0.18466126666665844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001188153712874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,radstr,2019/01/22,I called and messaged 7 people None of them answered and im just sitting in a tub crying,0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,83.21052631578947,3.8,25.28947368421053,3.1291,0.3518210526315784,71,3,14,0,2,24,17,19,0.181,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172810775510542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564610753806939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471999500603194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512030367860817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaddisonBeth,2019/01/22,"2 steps forward 56 back This past year has been beyond trying.. I thought i had finally hit the right path in life, was enjoying my job was on meds that managed the depression.... But then like always all good things end abruptly in fire. I was put on a med that triggered  my first ever manic phase.... I'm tired of the fight... I'm tired of everything. I got fired for shit I said while manic, and while I""m getting more interviews than I can manage, I dont see the point. It feels like I'm doomed to fail, and if that is true then death feels like what my goal should become.... I feel overwhelmed, broken, and like I am a waste of space that should commit suicide.",2.3747727272727275,4.360682386363642,2.913636363636364,93.76545454545456,77.4090909090909,5.915151515151516,20.848484848484848,6.816661863887847,0.24950303030303056,513,13,110,5,12,159,93,132,0.24,0.616,0.14400000000000002,-0.9578,1,0,0,0,1,2,28.0,0,0,0,3,3,13,2,1,6,0,12,4,1,1,4,16,24,9,2,3,2,0,5,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,1,8,7,12,7,11,13,2,23,1,4,1,0,3,9,1,1,17,63,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203424884653842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201491942763296,0.0,0.0,0.17524929749806534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366706209190785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597146447712154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054314418289787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353490245648776,0.0,0.0,0.14261111166802168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24069972133851786,0.2267216649295855,0.0,0.17382589053668804,0.0,0.1349728992375198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290361086522045,0.0,0.0,0.13309303094898625,0.1269106775941604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746514962889374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208018764460376,0.31009160792646234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525148216129299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147775947160946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000363685087886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951695860322354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355116243776102,0.15094076271564422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264472023133233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162882464922619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356987237954982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541976328552777,0.0,0.0,0.12597398275250696,0.0,0.3647580191072435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773312222427817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218454508539024
suicidewatch,JaCrispy316,2019/01/22,"I’m so tired of this. 2019 is the year that I kill myself. I can’t keep doing this. It will not get better; over the past 7 years it has only gotten worse. I don’t have any friends or anyone I can talk to, I never have. I’m tired of waking up everyday and wishing it would be my last. I do nothing but sit in bed all day, thinking about how much I want to get out of my own mind. I don’t know when exactly I’ll do it, but my walls are closing in and I feel so trapped and alone and I’m starting to break.",0.08826086956521806,1.3111076086956537,2.4393478260869585,98.05641304347827,81.6086956521739,5.295652173913044,19.32608695652174,5.6839178017228535,-0.4441130434782608,385,9,100,2,10,132,76,115,0.175,0.7809999999999999,0.044,-0.9412,0,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,0,15,3,1,1,3,22,28,11,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,13,2,12,24,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,9,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955882000012596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759525119189128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147786382299948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894953188061888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048982258965358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230703679346524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563241017194333,0.0,0.2114241608573553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984531503032786,0.2238545334004282,0.0,0.11119843892856524,0.1649306450031244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20430143222383365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487400603302246,0.0,0.15605380718277834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941466131059165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388545860836594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931523720776367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321428818425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262981482144606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964858128196985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651103691437208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934287012001987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267613166681325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061974194778084,0.14373351443216806,0.0,0.0,0.2605951836331004
suicidewatch,mommadontloveme,2019/01/22,I think I'm having a nervous breakdown I can't kill myself. I am thinking very horrible ways of self harm. I'm in a bad situation in my life that I can't get out of right now and I can't deal with it. I feel trapped. I feel so trapped I want to claw at myself. I'm just crying hysterially and not moving waiting for it to pass,0.2370254403131113,1.901265109589044,3.1867318982387483,90.78972602739726,82.83561643835617,5.815264187866927,22.757338551859107,6.868970318607317,0.5304379647749515,255,9,61,3,7,91,48,73,0.299,0.631,0.07,-0.955,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,15,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,2,11,0,10,15,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272730039746036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989954634692814,0.0,0.28062300503527143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752618166374547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221162205130533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011454903670296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226068826684256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28930217934343105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23245462662509694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28396068334320645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059606692439888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488255072834171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245909118589013,0.16054875725841952,0.21605719351194624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pontiff117,2019/01/22,"The only thing I'm still debating is if I should bring down someone with me I know I will die by my own hand sooner or later, don't see any way that can change. I have been in therapy for 4 and a half years now.. changed a lot of doctors, 3 month part-time hospitalization, and 5 months ago - a 1 month in a psych ward (full time).

Little things to point out: 

°free therapy sucks ass in my country, anything good is really pricey

°there is only 1 serious psych ward in my city, and it is litterally a jail (read my other post for info)

°I always abuse any meds they gave me since I feel the low dosage doesn't do shit (this got me into the before mentioned psych ward)

°Cutting helps a lot, the only downsides are that you have to hide it (if you have people from whom to hide it) and that it's addictive. It also slowly prepares you for the real deal by uping your bravery

°""Spirit healers"" & ""Special herbal medication"" doesn't work shit, tried it a couple of times

°Opening up to people around you is so risky that it isn't worth it

So, as you can see, I have tried *a lot* and no progress what so ever, some things made stuff much worse even (ward).

The only thing I'm debating now is: *Since I'm gonna suicide anyway, and by doing so will totally destroy my family, why shouldn't I kill the person who I view as the one who pushed me over the edge? I know where she lives, I have some stupidly big knives in my home, all in my hands as some can say.* The bridge is not far from her so I would make it there before the cops arrive so I would jump and it's certian death. In the event I somehow don't make it to the bridge, I can just stab myself or cut my throat (not a pleasant death but better than jail).

By the stuff I wrote here, you can't say I'm a good person, I would really love to do it and would do it in a blink of an eye if there wasn't jail. I suck at life, I am a horrible person and I deserve to die. Just a rage filled loser, lazy crybaby and a manipulative bastard. The world is most certanly better off without people who think like I do.

If I commit suicide, don't feel sorry for me or my family, they raised a moron, and I just might die as a killer so no empathy there.

Thanks everyone that read all of this, I honestly think noone would but hey, needed to get this out of me somehow.

*Sorry if I offended anyone with this post.*",3.8808391014757753,3.99321075506073,5.100142353402116,86.87991706934834,71.00404858299595,8.155570066605721,24.63993731226329,7.941651935203635,1.0661537939140655,1819,43,410,22,31,606,239,494,0.174,0.718,0.109,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,1,3,69.0,0,7,2,5,26,25,12,0,32,0,43,13,7,4,5,69,69,33,8,13,16,0,4,1,0,11,5,2,1,3,34,17,0,0,7,2,1,4,14,15,0,2,6,10,51,10,48,52,13,46,0,2,4,2,27,25,6,18,15,272,85,7,0.0,0.09161642175506234,0.0,0.08429468926107034,0.0,0.0,0.06854315470623809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618360598183555,0.06433985069112297,0.08378063679813136,0.0,0.10516608759048572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406681295335721,0.0,0.06363115098918594,0.06883484821016889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159423843005116,0.0,0.0,0.13677377657305834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635973031685084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555765281916222,0.0,0.0,0.07971775823644148,0.0,0.0,0.24075064310463196,0.0,0.0,0.07914449923272827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107184290609334,0.06994408097666427,0.0,0.0738864971577116,0.0,0.0,0.14578857137509985,0.0,0.07819478288200304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040398654072117963,0.0,0.0,0.12971158338227315,0.061843151446319626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182871848598826,0.0,0.07756238317427627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554766702771248,0.0,0.08499061317150991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461630297808834,0.03777665251412892,0.07749906821736552,0.06827860244731848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721456995008665,0.06978802481023802,0.07316593893663963,0.1032288826845318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588965055326397,0.07789590212150997,0.0,0.08202865728636836,0.0,0.0,0.18515809164129365,0.0,0.056842115107183164,0.05733484500181395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239681554729556,0.2352338685924533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373447187154028,0.0,0.16082039774771062,0.20254928109936185,0.0,0.0,0.07309627375036949,0.0,0.1481102388287045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469006246923456,0.0880117612947342,0.09907160489992786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229824656782148,0.0,0.0,0.12323460296434645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874416774247638,0.12792659944293608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551646428528263,0.0,0.0,0.1731160126207648,0.0,0.0,0.06175113112154891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703520401363426,0.16916004401793192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711896481983337,0.17685370868096045,0.0,0.20548280128643934,0.09909233012749033,0.0,0.0,0.0901766163372781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499598488957188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137627638712141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977297888021444,0.0,0.0,0.07453767909175436,0.0,0.056292870263517134,0.0,0.07879987023495927,0.2746441326558029,0.0,0.0,0.04979418924385163
suicidewatch,oworanges,2019/01/22,"My rat just died I knew it was gonna happen soon, she was just over 2 years old with a large tumor.

She was just fine yesterday

I'm the worst

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suicidewatch,xShadowLord,2019/01/22,"It is my Birthday and i want to die so badly Well today is my 20th birthday and I just don't feel like myself anymore. I don't have any friends to celebrate and my family barely cares about me. I spent the whole day alone crying and listening to music in my corner in the house and I just wanna leave this life. Woke up just to go to work and they didn't even remember it was my birthday. I am not surprised, I just feel so alone in this world, nobody ever gives a damn or wants to talk to me, I'm more than used to this and I'm so tired of it and everything. ",1.0415702479338833,2.6963443966942187,2.9380165289256226,93.59066115702484,80.2396694214876,6.052892561983472,19.264462809917354,6.980632752743323,0.10618347107438007,436,10,101,5,11,146,73,121,0.219,0.7040000000000001,0.076,-0.9507,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,1,0,3,0,8,2,0,1,1,22,21,12,1,3,6,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,4,3,16,5,16,17,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,4,71,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38761131685139694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725180573873165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855782852382943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624203634212294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907869918738131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554865405271605,0.1206805133986973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942068003716244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235946754530244,0.16926579297453714,0.0,0.0,0.16817639814668556,0.0,0.17640533548981993,0.0,0.18923262334964255,0.13368254599416074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445727527074376,0.0,0.0,0.1795078996861754,0.10634777485256544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159177860759395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198138961900797,0.0,0.0,0.13217232543248422,0.09142010237951273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197679507492115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040444654680166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507331767869356,0.17737316219458246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161641320419132,0.0,0.0,0.22074302119098754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824836206536714,0.0,0.0,0.20891901844840674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362296450380982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anthony2233,2019/01/22,I hate being a POC I hate being a person of color. I hate the politicization of being a POC. POC in America are just political props to be use for further agendas on the left and right. Fucking being a POC! I want to be white!,0.8072340425531905,2.9446752553191518,3.8930212765957455,83.89400000000002,83.68085106382979,6.313191489361702,22.16595744680852,7.554174236665415,1.152424680851064,175,6,35,3,5,63,29,47,0.242,0.725,0.032,-0.9026,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,6,0,7,1,0,1,0,4,13,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,7,7,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,5,1,0,0,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526116008222072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8093218103298422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968826688247573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385879401937645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333506619992429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359968838876083,0.0,0.0,0.16116761939021407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway283635252,2019/01/22,"Hospital? I honestly don’t feel like I can cope with anything in my life right now. If I go to the hospital, will they sedate me? What if they force me to stay overnight?",0.7084285714285734,2.993230628571432,2.31964285714286,94.01660714285715,85.57142857142857,6.928571428571428,23.035714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.2965714285714292,132,5,30,3,4,43,28,35,0.0,0.828,0.172,0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936909060757577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418986176161165,0.3417764072914701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718915931937713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379153366187882,0.23372710261557275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085597742976621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099217154080936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jandrews26,2019/01/22,I'm done. I just can't do it anymore.,-5.742000000000001,-5.254677199999998,-0.6600000000000001,108.70000000000003,121.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.685,28,1,9,0,2,11,9,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6959268633751411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7181126658351306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,holliehavocc,2019/01/22,I need help I’m so alone and I’m afraid of how far I will go. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t want to be alive anymore,-5.074895833333333,-4.26010203125,-1.3412499999999987,114.17791666666668,116.1875,2.1333333333333333,8.458333333333332,3.1291,-2.745766666666667,93,1,31,0,6,33,23,32,0.079,0.6920000000000001,0.228,0.5118,0,1,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,11,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536904281767313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43443051340187866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24895541183076866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936174527159154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407422764169724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32481048409185737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764754853842476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583747982764902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flubergard,2019/01/22,"I need help. I need some fucking help. In the past there have been a couple incidents where I got caught with vapes or weed and my trust with my parents was destroyed. Over the break I tried to build it back with them and I was doing well but today I was falsely accused of vaping and my parents are in a rage. I dont know what they will do but they wont believe me when I say what actually happened and I dont know what to do. I made a suicide note telling them I wasnt lying and to me that seems to be the only way of convincing them.  
I just want them to believe me but im so fucking alone  
and i dont want to live like this anymore",0.30730729701952697,2.15821992086331,2.2893371017471758,96.33303956834536,83.60431654676259,5.122507708119219,21.439362795477905,6.18269132825596,0.05887009249743036,495,16,118,4,14,165,78,139,0.136,0.7190000000000001,0.145,-0.5637,2,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,6,0,7,8,4,0,6,0,16,2,0,1,0,23,29,12,1,4,5,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,8,1,25,4,14,18,1,11,0,0,0,2,12,4,2,3,5,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.13881228341953888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732470683688953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107052750735927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093789504938736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205266939732125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573932946799228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001363038652182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630096086600643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376769977665445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257883083759427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068996151144746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536508717266826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563501590232355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949456425300239,0.0,0.12560646349238316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459728975884874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109482870894533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818504358787756,0.0,0.0,0.3158963067750806,0.0,0.1357905937396027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312030439794557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949607523956586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559482862659826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432990667252855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483326200750342,0.0,0.0,0.09657618836775686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780160676123626,0.1129088285786985,0.0,0.0,0.12789688814256162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PolicyTrust,2019/01/22,"I lost my 12-year-old brother to an idiot with a gun. I lost my younger brother back in 2004. We played a stupid game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, of which he won, and I felt it was only right not to be a bully since it was Christmas Day. He climbed into the passenger seat and I climbed into the driver’s seat to control the radio until our father finished talking to the other adults. Gun fire erupted and the car was suddenly under fire. I remember looking at him as he clutched his chest; him voicing the words “Oh, God” as he began bleeding from the mouth; the fear that filled my heart as my 14-year-old mind was trying to process what I had just witnessed. The rest I prefer not to remember, because it is something that still makes me cry to this very day, 14+ years later. 

I wish I was a bully that day. I wish I forced him to sit in the other seat like I usually did. He was such a great kid. I looked up to him as a role model despite him being 2 years younger than me. I just know he would have lived such a great life, a life that pales my life in comparison. I think about the amazing chance at life I received that day, but all I ever think next is my life is shit in comparison to what he would’ve done with his life. I just miss him so effing much. I think about ending it all the time, but every single time I have my piece and I’m about to put it against my skull, I picture him looking at me. Life is shit. 

I have an amazing job as an engineer, I date beautiful women and I have a great family. I just fake my personality on a daily basis. Nobody knows that I’m never happy and haven’t been since childhood. Nobody knows about the scars that cover my body, because they’re easily hidden with clothing. Nobody knows about the piece I keep in my nightstand. Nobody knows I fake my laughs, my smiles, my everything, because I want people to think I’m normal like them. I want people to say “PolicyTrust killed himself?!? He was always so happy and such a nice person. I can’t believe it.” Because that will be better than people saying “PolicyTrust killed himself? It’s about time. He was always such an expressionless, moody, unhappy person.” 

Anyways, have a good time, guys. I know this account is new to Reddit, but only because I lost my info for my other account. See ya on the other side; gotta setup my livestream for my best video ever. Peace! ",3.5316666666666663,4.932833923566882,4.469187898089174,86.32356953290872,72.82165605095541,6.677070063694267,25.39755838641189,7.054809383877858,1.0601341825902335,1842,58,367,17,36,597,221,471,0.139,0.7070000000000001,0.155,0.8052,1,0,1,2,0,0,63.0,2,1,1,9,21,30,6,1,31,0,29,15,7,2,5,53,60,18,2,7,9,3,3,2,0,3,8,3,0,7,24,13,0,2,15,4,2,6,5,14,0,0,18,10,68,16,51,36,8,49,0,4,4,0,40,16,2,0,28,239,92,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159586103667795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618432079834144,0.0,0.22270604576994726,0.0,0.0,0.0823219390811007,0.07667972891797271,0.06462217797753553,0.0,0.08116141008238661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195130270108135,0.0,0.0,0.08026110846174409,0.18848971441336115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477331916486285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471602928413027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218729386871342,0.061562436287253476,0.0,0.0656682681507358,0.0,0.06888144235353462,0.08222113950216428,0.0,0.0,0.07015616297266881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128546887494753,0.0,0.24167120098532602,0.0,0.07234821412930237,0.0,0.15556321301709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865852213910886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250812050534362,0.06494566280323705,0.16167650562093902,0.0,0.2409355946030544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612676608001445,0.07139408220872136,0.0,0.06451985329294682,0.0,0.1840746417594662,0.0,0.2392850969442317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048773057207341715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377724532434989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371294660587018,0.0,0.05635408372325404,0.07056895070880027,0.07770800935684845,0.0,0.07159053880596503,0.0,0.0,0.15334389111722094,0.0,0.0,0.111142101237556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196720637628033,0.191398907310762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345291884780397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554224224224576,0.0623991607882972,0.0,0.11621225916692607,0.0,0.0,0.05822525812540595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000527320045876,0.12088421749247392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056250854650412345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835172041943765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872880877305811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727455961667894,0.0,0.0,0.1704247552818514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960796866522338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047341875944386,0.06028825764468916,0.08619409184474207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804780916362674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380996980946236,0.0,0.0,0.18821204123698124
suicidewatch,greenhouselimpbizkit,2019/01/22,"Nah, I'm done, tap out I'm so done. I have £10,000 of debt. After my dad died I stopped paying everything and quit my job and let everything go to shit. Every day I just lie in bed and cry. I have no friends. I have BPD and it's so bad. There's just no silver lining. I just can't.",-2.3845811965811947,-0.6296848769230756,0.6605128205128211,103.19059829059832,97.76923076923076,4.11965811965812,13.376068376068375,5.82211442006289,-1.1917521367521364,213,4,58,2,9,74,44,65,0.35200000000000004,0.605,0.044,-0.9633,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,0,9,10,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,33,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182022793724973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893448479567978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523545557627693,0.1481609183397558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384300255321594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702000284421861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356275484718174,0.0,0.41294437504032544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749370801294248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056444277370607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22797784493645304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349209484293053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443528510841199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358210271829083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920698472570719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeroechozero,2019/01/22,It's more logical for me than moving forward I don't have any future to look forward to. What's the point?,1.7265217391304368,3.3562731739130456,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,78.13043478260869,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,1.0217130434782602,85,3,18,1,2,29,20,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806928758488847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47010296359520504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949939358139207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292053989157434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tommydlbass,2019/01/22,"My life is a joke First if all, I don't wnna kill myself yet. Just think about it sometimes.

Well, I feel that I lost all my interest in things. I just don't enjoy creating music like I used to do with my band after we break out. I don't feel like reading nether, or watching TV shows/film or play videogames. I don't have enthusiasm. I can't even masturbate now, I don't wanna.

I only have one friend and he's tired of hear me complain almost every night. I can't sleep, I just think about all the things that went wrong. I'm 18 but I had a difficulted childhood. I was born in a poor country and had to inmigrate to another, living with garbage clothes and in a comunity of other poor people for years and had 0 friends (was 6-8 years old) . I was born with little grown hormones and had to injected me for 4-5 years to be 1.65m tall. One I almost die drowned in my own blood because of a bad surgery. I had phimosis and was peeing blood and having bandages in my dick for week at age of 9 I think. I have gained 10 kilos in the last 3 years because of depression. My brain makes me forget details of my life so as not to suffer, I don't remember a lot of things before 2016-17. I wish I was born with a brother or sister. I'm also insecure about my relationship of 4 years with my girlfriend.
I don't know, just throw me good vibrations.",2.4386768036234234,3.7072544804270464,4.088872533160789,88.4970163377548,75.37010676156585,7.244322225816887,24.872371400841153,7.84624498591911,1.1746925266903916,1043,34,231,15,22,350,154,281,0.17800000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.118,-0.965,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,1,0,0,3,13,19,1,1,9,0,26,9,6,2,3,42,40,15,3,3,10,2,2,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,7,14,0,0,7,5,2,3,10,9,1,3,12,4,38,10,36,27,5,32,0,3,1,1,11,10,1,7,20,147,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034639922140084,0.0,0.0,0.09996545430334726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107733192762555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437291045688774,0.15240225241522512,0.0,0.10636898491758487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954552704716722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766554734168908,0.0,0.12973415772002095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256379842464193,0.0,0.10532105136514767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641130463216696,0.08930270450485431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632812652037668,0.0,0.0,0.1931551754714429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484721535706903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088831207870234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829812934617522,0.0,0.0686987922756362,0.1018947408806266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765876918940809,0.12214103685544347,0.12528659790408167,0.11038060207739396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645636043698828,0.10627371870184796,0.0,0.0,0.08344097428829833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730755208222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117040850633438,0.0,0.16941155324645288,0.09507098532173204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666186132234087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503757852921885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420724694588884,0.1416048815623889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509402695278635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363190581847645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24914081252666426,0.24029206812991455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367342267986108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796310531173424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027046873279652,0.0,0.11239338426128956,0.11587972929401814,0.0,0.0,0.1437481442266073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366719780155257,0.0,0.4024915853347184
suicidewatch,dingdongdillycakes,2019/01/22,"what is the purpose nothing matters, i don't contribute anything to the universe. nothing would happen if i died. nothing would happen if people mourned. nothing matters.",5.4517857142857125,9.161702035714287,4.84,72.83000000000003,82.21428571428571,4.228571428571429,46.28571428571429,5.985473137389443,4.330042857142858,139,11,15,1,4,42,19,28,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.7226,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499939748324986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070540834198055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37610549789232783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8162042669389427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743026683921376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021322543434328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madeofstone1989,2019/01/22,"no idea why i’m like this hi everyone 

i turn eighteen in a few months and can’t for the life of me figure out why i dont shower as much as i should, why i can’t brush my teeth and why i cry at least once a week. 

it’s not even like i’m some movie style loner who gets punched and bullied or whatever. i have a decent group of friends and don’t even take the brunt of the jokes. i don’t speak to a single girl and have never really been friends with any but that doesn’t really matter. 

i think that everyone thinks that every teenager goes through this and i’m just being edgy but it’s really fucked up man like i’ve thought really hard about how i’d kill myself and what i’d write on the note but i just can’t do it. it’d ruin my mum and dad.


it’s just so pathetic that there are people on here with actual real problems who justifiably think that life is no longer worth living yet i’m here at seventeen moaning and bitching about how hard i find it that people take the piss out of my teeth and my hair and how quiet i am.

it hurts me to think about the fact that i do it to other people as well. sometimes i rip the fuck into kids younger than me and it makes me sad as shit when i get home because i realise that what i’m doing to them is what other people do to me and then i think about how it makes me feel.

what is the point anyway? the economy is fucked, i’m probably never going to retire and i know that once i move on from school i’ll just work for 60 years until i either die or retire. maybe if my parents die i can go sooner. 

again this is pretty pathetic cuz i’ve got my whole life ahead of me and shit. i don’t even have the guts to cut myself so i just punch myself instead

just really fed up. sick of how i feel when there are people with actual problems out there and i’m basically a bully.",1.3751074947745572,2.882090550761422,3.2151985667363405,92.65111376530312,78.77157360406093,6.361182442520155,18.69483427888922,7.1686216300943375,0.08034481934905946,1423,28,330,17,34,477,183,394,0.256,0.6859999999999999,0.058,-0.9985,3,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,2,32,21,9,0,15,0,28,15,7,8,3,67,58,38,3,4,14,3,5,3,2,1,4,2,2,3,30,23,1,0,12,1,1,3,13,14,1,0,4,8,40,7,43,51,7,28,0,3,0,3,15,13,7,4,15,219,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.1704171948624255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937841559421991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053227508480395466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591340047648396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124209769355146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233463477192432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301576103407745,0.0,0.07356816668862465,0.16686988117750082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829999140687679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980596979280095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492148019475605,0.242168913075834,0.09123884422827433,0.0,0.09924829492292438,0.0,0.06983521841251925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564373971456718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758586590259282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347443619443573,0.09857003460260944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660309786682622,0.0,0.04798702762583381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502330612969314,0.1279757281535676,0.0,0.07710233070753092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656927889601625,0.0,0.08772145789549042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969543362635619,0.09280393576585784,0.06418789196060498,0.0,0.1346881921823963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859790763496001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695496886486613,0.0,0.0,0.3026723611599937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254259563290961,0.0,0.0,0.08883257262698177,0.09414227450839592,0.16710076302593108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938563008425157,0.2796868774010794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836925931270695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792588729187275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635854406496947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130272797252002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797453863369771,0.0,0.06931978275262989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094975600548714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004026699378324,0.0,0.0785082860535267,0.0,0.31515930902204004,0.0974860846252824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356766752633336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622915391912226
suicidewatch,killmepleassseee,2019/01/22,"Tried overdosing, hanging, myself and cutting my brachial artery, in less than a span of 2 days. So I tried drinking sleeping pills with alcohol, and I just got really high. So that was attempt one fail, then I tried hanging myself today from my ceiling fan, finally got the courage to jump, and the belt broke. Then I tried cutting my brachial artery with a razor but I couldn’t get deep enough because it hurt too much. So now I’m debating wether I should jump off of a 5 story parking deck.",5.7728771929824605,6.406968200000005,5.490263157894738,83.90100877192985,67.0,8.438596491228072,33.7280701754386,8.344100000000001,2.5301228070175443,389,17,75,5,6,120,67,95,0.125,0.833,0.042,-0.7579,0,0,2,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,2,0,5,0,3,4,1,0,0,9,7,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,5,0,1,3,0,11,1,9,2,3,15,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,6,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335646374406809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332267090221567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409473654442151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409685380416416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258216866226528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23941202395956254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418391822712524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495905252213802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309112138717275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396344986677295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606601896109944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480958670339311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400094172980248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187089136168668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716086804537667,0.0,0.0,0.5935273453123148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mertajvaz,2019/01/22,"I need something, someone  

Hi all,

I hope this message finds you well all of you. I don't know how to start but I think I have come to an end.  
I have had an OK life, much better than most of people had luck to have. I mean,I grew up in a 3rd world country, I saw a civil war as a kid, and then my father got sick like very sick and I am lucky he survived, only 1 out of 10000 people that have his condition survive it. He lost so much fucking weight I still remember looking at him and not going to him to give him a hug.He was like a walking zombie, Imagine a grown man 6'0 with only like 70 lbs on him. He was just like a zombie. I always regret not giving him a hug. I wish I had. During school life was not easy as well, I was the only muslim kid there and I had my fair share of beatings, bullying and all that bulshit that comes with it. My father was there always to support me and I finished as the best student of the whole generation. In highschool it was a bit better, I formed a team and competed for NASA Space Apps Challenge and actually my team won the 3rd place in the world. That feeling was so good. Then I applied to the most prestigious international chain of highschools UWC and got awarded a full ride to go and finish my last 2 years in Hong Kong and it was the very first time ever a minority was given a scholarship from the country I came from. My father was super proud he even borrowed money to come and see my graduation. He could not believe it. I did something no one had ever done as a minority from my country. I got a full ride to University of Oklahoma, and there my struggles with suicidal thoughts started. I was even put in a state hospital because I seeked helped from a therapist and he put me 3 days in a hospital, the most stressful and fearful time of my life, being around mentally ill people was so so frightening. I can't help it guys and I can not tell my father as well, he would be heartbroken. He always wanted the best for me. It made me miss classes and struggle with school. I decided to stay a year at home so I recover but I just made up a reason to my father, he was not happy but made me comeback this semester and I just can't I think I can not, I lied that I am coming back and I am actually just staying in Copengagen in a hostel and he thinks I am in the states. I think this is the end. I am just now thinking what should I write as my last words to my father. He is such a great and successful guy and I failed in every possible way. I am so sorry guys to waste your time, I just wanted to share my story because I don't really have any other person to share it with. Not anyone I trust enough anyway.",2.38289855072464,3.857934536231888,4.1791449275362345,86.94846376811594,75.92028985507247,7.0081159420289865,24.22318840579711,7.715138304826218,1.1308779710144927,2072,66,441,29,45,701,247,552,0.156,0.6629999999999999,0.181,0.9169,1,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,3,0,19,29,40,2,4,36,1,44,9,0,5,5,89,83,40,2,9,17,6,2,4,0,2,6,0,1,7,18,34,1,0,13,2,3,14,13,10,3,2,32,5,72,30,59,46,16,64,0,4,3,2,46,23,1,6,26,310,90,14,0.0,0.0,0.1438121951185681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839358948892653,0.0,0.0,0.05010844296645668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152238474062014,0.0,0.0,0.06559542424122654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665934808790499,0.0,0.08983559248745311,0.0,0.0,0.08301795474948744,0.15465608163684927,0.13033709135221294,0.08044512230240858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427620552629017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538930007079283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058831613125920224,0.0,0.0,0.04752083939159988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540551274894199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052638095377073,0.07613647880053884,0.0,0.09733672084168454,0.1333049112222554,0.06208293447665806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291630293010221,0.03725743638552729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734691125936007,0.06267656870328943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812075312593589,0.0,0.14137106033561578,0.08375396136618257,0.06180362535981077,0.17679828724906574,0.08123816102002755,0.0,0.2188797117937984,0.0,0.07843923456549784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877923364012774,0.0,0.07391223430816861,0.0731860007338526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04049544287862309,0.12012649778202532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613804595297207,0.1439954100290507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187698544961252,0.0,0.08043606832751543,0.0,0.0,0.20916807094146614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026475262977167,0.0,0.0,0.0742573213037856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833415783354608,0.054636620541619205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499309787713951,0.1681226784918015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325205896721172,0.06433904903759352,0.07698532047410075,0.0,0.0,0.08306895876000385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148147897418143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047204607278482455,0.07576062790629312,0.0,0.0,0.0834709345345737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914665357591106,0.05871754113529981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062433206164074974,0.1134528889409996,0.0,0.08248451609958693,0.1043094864001408,0.15707717605534782,0.05884507264294685,0.0,0.08440611427989721,0.1540634787265539,0.0,0.08059961734891705,0.08361705869897061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440408714920062,0.0,0.0,0.08555416266869745,0.0,0.2360724110961345,0.0,0.05849779496045435,0.12889924709113187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215959658127461,0.08692284579679854,0.058487858877347636,0.0,0.0897286872238535,0.1987554535468449,0.0,0.0,0.08226686183160202,0.08473431003096539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052343831258015915,0.0,0.0,0.0949016683591915
suicidewatch,depwessed-deadass,2019/01/22,"I guess that's it Alright so I guess that's it. The girl I had a thing with for about 5 years cut me off out of nowhere for no reason. I got into a huge fight with my dad and haven't talked to him in about 5 months because he said some extremely awful stuff, I'm 19 and I cant find a job despite applying to about 130 places online and about 23 in person. I actually just got into a fight with my mom over that, she doesnt believe I haven't had any callbacks. I tried to kill myself about 9 years ago but my mom stopped me, after that I got put in the looney bin and i remember my mom telling me to fake smile and to seem happy so they would let me out earlier so I could go home. I remember not wanting to be there at all so I listened. When I finally got out I remember my mom telling me to never act out again so I didnt I  never showed my emotions again, I told her I was feeling depressed in like 2013 and I got sent right back lmao I so I really learned my lesson positive emotions only Haha!! My grandma has gotten very sick and cant walk anymore meaning ontop of every single house chore I gotta do because I dont have a job I have to do hers too. I've always been underweight and recently I really wanted take control of my life. So for Christmas I asked my mom for some protein powder that to be one of my like 3 gifts and she did get me some but they sent the wrong flavour. The pullup bar I bought with the last 50 dollars I had didnt fit my door despite me measuring and making sure it did. After eating right I actually gained like 10 pounds it made me super happy, but I got sick and lost literally 4. Everyone else seems to be living just fine, everyone else seems to have everything figured out. I feel I'm so behind my peers I'll never catch up and  accomplish my dreams which looks nearly impossible ontop of that. Nobody really cared that much about me it seems. Nothing that special I just kinda fell between the cracks. I just wish I could go back in time and have another shot but you cant. That's it  I didnt want things to be this way. I wanted to live something special and be happy but the universe stacked up every thing it could in my way from the start. I feel like even posting this is just some attention seeking attempt but idc ",1.5567749529190174,3.527474555084748,3.2506666666666675,90.43877777777777,79.9322033898305,6.229453860640303,22.777024482109226,7.3011,0.8099286629001883,1778,58,382,24,45,590,230,472,0.096,0.741,0.163,0.9892,3,0,1,0,2,1,26.0,0,1,2,7,27,23,4,0,13,3,35,5,0,4,5,79,77,29,1,9,12,6,3,4,0,2,3,2,3,2,23,25,2,2,17,3,2,9,15,8,0,1,24,7,71,15,56,42,7,56,0,2,1,0,28,24,0,11,24,252,94,4,0.0,0.0,0.13326341606427428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052635233050236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056814666446457135,0.0,0.0,0.04643293482772033,0.07159783166877941,0.0,0.0,0.06771569467235522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383284876000847,0.0,0.0,0.10500664803765504,0.0,0.08324605524007007,0.0,0.0,0.07692849855650123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696163005957032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658214495327502,0.16354875324588508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058809708907971776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002398480039387,0.0,0.0,0.06986777714041104,0.11407883217522848,0.15361225936648507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045098483884357096,0.0,0.11505816903542633,0.1304894756770602,0.06136591688717384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357369016805372,0.048779448823658485,0.0,0.07479771405431994,0.06240694294667004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0356736304380306,0.0,0.07761051829694005,0.0,0.3276598857794823,0.0,0.15043686252405894,0.0,0.0,0.2180568972550682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849069249467188,0.0,0.0,0.07878628071961605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355152929071496,0.0,0.07554201813095987,0.0,0.0,0.055657545040153716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982121693732245,0.04822838416482146,0.133433191964188,0.0,0.1205854841689855,0.0,0.057338242073116774,0.0,0.07453599627810763,0.0,0.0,0.06460845605444593,0.045577620047005454,0.0,0.0,0.07437724677089133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39984521929822603,0.05450067158203736,0.0,0.05019386546962108,0.0,0.1579858940428884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551677441830865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046268487822071734,0.051930233119245904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059619710651155663,0.07133836448795684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539363804833133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864054497048827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312262958238693,0.07020350443606756,0.06741854345737237,0.0,0.2320447553627213,0.11662197961348665,0.06495018649919022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486392259852669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052565498809656386,0.0,0.0,0.04832913674021919,0.0,0.0,0.057085375153293476,0.0,0.0,0.07816458973149946,0.0,0.0,0.06435335998995574,0.0,0.05133827628808769,0.05488110619542549,0.11935995629477125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608716087504946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981478293342905,0.0,0.0,0.0652447378385301,0.0,0.04635783107701025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633838552593326,0.1610939232984966,0.10839542315384887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851895733366633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850435498591805,0.07465377218082035,0.0,0.08794052900254924
suicidewatch,yuirini,2019/01/22,"Dead inside. I don't know why I'm posting this here but I guess I just needed to type this out. 

I'm 20 years old, and have been suicidal for 8 years. At the time, most of it was due to trauma from growing up in a violent and abusive family, and a vicious circle of depression, bullying, self-hatred and self-harm. I have successfully managed to close those chapters behind me so it's fine. But truly, the things that are really killing me right now are stress, and fear of failure. 

Despite coming from the kind of background I did, I think I did good enough in public to maintain a completely different image for myself. Shy and introverted, for sure. But I still made friends, and the only thing people have told me is that I'll be successful in life — that they expect great things from me. I'm grateful, yes. But terrified. 

Terrified of not being good enough. Of failing and letting down so many people. Of not being able to do the things I want to. I'm scared, everyday. Yet, I somehow close those doors shut, and as with ghosts — I tell myself that it's not real. All my bad thoughts are not what control me. It's difficult to talk to anyone about this, cause they'll take one look and say that there's nothing wrong with you. 

Well honestly, if there's nothing wrong, then why do I still feel this way. Why does it still hurt so much, and why won't it stop.

Every time there's a setback or a sense of rejection, this just hits me. I feel like I have friends but no one to talk to, and no one to truly care. And my future has always been a bleak void of nothingness for me, with suicide always in the back of my head — telling me that it's okay, if it doesn't work out, I can always go. Cause I know if I had the choice to take someone's hand and go peacefully, I would. 

I feel like the only thing that's keeping me from doing something stupid (not necessarily just dying; but getting with bad people or harmful habits) is my girlfriend. But she has her own issues and depression to deal with, so I try keep this to myself. 

Anyhow I don't know what else I'm holding onto, living just makes no sense to me. I'm always hopeless and tired. Very, very tired. I guess I'm also scared to go. Still strangely curious of the future and hoping that I have enough fire to keep burning, wondering if it could ever get better. ",3.2394997373183148,4.820796323974083,4.1485856050434915,87.6072179090538,73.88120950323975,6.992446442122469,24.392563189539427,7.63319966405982,1.1060283579475807,1810,55,370,23,37,583,222,463,0.245,0.581,0.174,-0.9947,1,0,1,0,0,2,64.0,0,1,2,6,24,39,4,4,15,2,33,5,2,5,3,83,71,37,6,10,22,0,5,2,3,3,3,1,1,0,32,27,0,6,9,0,0,5,13,21,1,3,9,7,45,18,54,53,7,40,0,6,1,0,16,14,0,13,21,251,77,6,0.07189260176678364,0.08518097712840035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749248765881526,0.2392816154648567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026897874158616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528097309318654,0.12005463903856475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358316397240686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329929889197513,0.14770701148614504,0.0,0.06192911061607991,0.07537802513848478,0.0,0.08063366603345679,0.05740039255652879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411811562800376,0.12384198511293885,0.0,0.07461317025591058,0.07511246728600451,0.0,0.0,0.06291370028180628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060057043718979575,0.0,0.0,0.2228528271867475,0.0,0.0,0.06503097422718337,0.060572617691004166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777394666801835,0.08089916432067035,0.10905317875281603,0.10272017813402258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108809157541524,0.0,0.07512183433086528,0.0,0.12257466704916305,0.1206002068811805,0.0,0.07926184725105885,0.1583956121794062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378255042883188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714055751416188,0.0,0.0,0.07696251710949857,0.0,0.0,0.07503719796019212,0.0,0.1917043431475048,0.07953851207982736,0.07486508160847971,0.11853088133118032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351505617932984,0.05077987074470371,0.07024618757533473,0.0,0.06348248449359248,0.0,0.06037167886966425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802651808211953,0.047988869934529804,0.07288781420148037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052849334367365504,0.053307453262220784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796578069884172,0.0,0.07543919191691875,0.0,0.14614886265699115,0.10935512649669553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495238338269967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688532395419202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182952010415903,0.04605624160708048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139588909433087,0.0,0.05717188248269175,0.1439540722686636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499993256731991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060914368176684976,0.0553464371948052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229654098553652,0.060105434214642116,0.0823527324241043,0.0,0.0,0.15727767538284654,0.0,0.06775792635119972,0.0,0.1081085787678755,0.1155691001135734,0.12567460547772233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881125050177845,0.046065876316126964,0.0,0.05707469532128166,0.08384230847040018,0.1652599398039264,0.0,0.06869646187792622,0.0,0.04881035744532503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863785131988434,0.04240411919513224,0.057065000957308015,0.0,0.0,0.06464008294271617,0.0,0.2594875636625703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796445988300718,0.05233867032297302,0.0,0.0,0.05107044159560973,0.15720654828455824,0.0,0.09259295689254304
suicidewatch,postapocalypticrat,2019/01/22,"I'm not sure what to do So uuh I guess I might as well put my whole situation down?

I'm fifteen and live in iowa if that helps with any information you might give me

So I'm not doing great, my guardian is somewhat abusive, she shames me or just says unhelpful things whenever I try to talk to her about important things ""you have no right to feel that way"" ""I dont want to hear about that"" probably more things shes gaslit me into forgetting about. Also when I tried to ask for help for my disordered eating she encouraged it and even gave me tips? I could talk to my dad but I dont really trust him because he tells my guardian everything, he also abused me for 14ish years so even his presence is triggering now that I've healed slightly from the wounds he gave me.

Really the reason I'm suicidal in the first place is because of my guardian, I'm not sure of how to get away because the abuse isnt that severe but at the same time its driving me to the point of suicide. I'm used to being abused so I dont know why its affecting me so much? People have told me I should talk to my therapist about it, will that actually help in any way? I dont really have anywhere to go, my dad was abusive (still might be I'm unsure) my mom is an alcoholic and smokes weed I'm not sure if that's a good influence for me, plus I asked if I could move in and it doesnt seem like that seems to even be an option anymore.

I could potentially go to the hospital but that would involve me telling my grandma about my suicidal thoughts which would lead to more shaming and I just relapsed a week ago so I dont want that held against me if she finds out. I also have trauma associated with the hospital, specifically the er and it causes me to be even more suicidal for some reason, my chronic pain to get really bad, and my anxiety/hypervigilance to go through the roof. I also have an appointment with my therapist and the first appointment with my new psychiatrist this next week so I dont think it'd be good to miss those.

I have 11,000 mg of tylenol that's expired (I'm scared of my death being painful though so I'm unlikely to go with that) and I think I know where my other meds are I'd just have to wait till everyone's asleep. I'm probably not going to go through with anything until I talk to my therapist unless something triggers me super bad but idk.",2.9303880803880813,4.512832669438673,4.2091891891891935,86.8518018018018,74.69646569646571,8.093416493416495,26.054747054747054,8.768130331264683,1.7829545391545385,1858,66,399,38,39,611,218,481,0.198,0.7490000000000001,0.053,-0.9978,0,0,3,0,3,1,33.0,0,2,0,4,31,20,0,3,16,0,41,9,1,10,3,78,82,38,5,12,18,3,1,1,0,7,7,2,0,0,27,18,2,2,12,0,0,10,14,9,2,2,6,3,63,11,62,59,8,39,0,1,0,0,35,13,0,14,15,267,90,1,0.0,0.3510337133082833,0.05782372050476245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252542646278451,0.06332490433456664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954280272960825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805900111220017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876441589388015,0.0,0.0,0.04876130018160145,0.0,0.11078968001064213,0.0,0.05567143397090512,0.0,0.09894985280121173,0.10836274741008099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087056344222575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192938581180026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679106450194492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41667410313512143,0.0,0.0,0.06063201645240161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654781810845064,0.0,0.0,0.05662009269463806,0.053254009710977115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02996079138496565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054157423441170686,0.1008034788123088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191592851991633,0.0568421939013509,0.2020537541706512,0.09939951354029036,0.0,0.06532815542200776,0.06527537225977333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678398485092159,0.0,0.11915087158579725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512930753332871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02894869359522575,0.0,0.05232269695199673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581825046402694,0.0,0.0,0.188578577595465,0.0,0.0693980055102739,0.0,0.06297802105942392,0.04355878205267021,0.0,0.0,0.05722824268356781,0.06301769791478716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126101661238019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107952141885855,0.0,0.061908208137617236,0.0,0.056014535193682505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777247209709486,0.0,0.0,0.059567011035553515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183947456236965,0.12184672849773324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060291078408115,0.0,0.04712145570829041,0.05932396438484825,0.0,0.0,0.1078859114864522,0.0,0.06694057540655705,0.0,0.0,0.06660439791616415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456169112443733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732061882210816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592586667650601,0.0,0.16753963592559334,0.0,0.0,0.1905056820158892,0.1035818674934866,0.0,0.0,0.20639668226029367,0.118097917449905,0.07593561926708002,0.058217120624462874,0.047041353386608316,0.0345517014090348,0.0,0.0,0.05662009269463806,0.0,0.08045965941954122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051176753296395386,0.0,0.0,0.0698995288499521,0.09406672645132524,0.09506056770848596,0.0,0.05327679749372512,0.0,0.05346785520697055,0.06615539136208172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418521298048584,0.0,0.0,0.03815787348293544
suicidewatch,meshuggah_meshuggah,2019/01/22,"Reason to live I have a 2 year old son, so suicide really doesnt feel like an option.  But the thoughts still linger every day, I can barely go an hour without thinking about running the tractor in my garage and doing the classic carbon monoxide exit.

I'd be setting a terrible example for my son, not to mention I wouldnt be there for him ever again.  I feel like a bad father for having these thoughts and I just want to be a good father.  

I cant give up on myself or else when hes older, he will think that giving up is acceptable or even (worst case) inevitable.  He does have a good mom who has grit and is smart, shes good with people and doesnt suffer from social anxiety (mine is severe) or mental illness (I am bipolar with psychosis).  So I'm hoping he will get her genes.  But hes already got hot clammy hands.... my palms sweat in any social situation.... So he may have to deal with the same severe anxiety and I need to be there for him.  He may be bipolar like me and if so, I need to be there for him.  So getting to the point of this post...

Can anyone help me imagine specific ways that my suicide would fuck my son up?  Tell me I'm a piece of shit for even considering it.  Please help me reinforce what I already know in my heart, but the thoughts keep creeping in anyway.  Help me bury this thing... Dont hold back!

Thanks in advance for any input.",2.753252379389565,4.180001386281592,4.05980472595996,88.381581063341,74.84837545126354,6.480406957663276,24.504266491631107,6.980632752743323,0.8768064981949464,1052,33,220,10,22,346,156,277,0.109,0.8009999999999999,0.09,-0.746,0,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,0,1,18,16,2,0,14,0,31,9,5,1,1,43,54,19,2,7,10,6,4,3,0,6,3,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,11,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,4,4,30,10,31,38,3,27,0,1,0,1,29,11,2,8,13,146,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384281025464084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692852937946738,0.0,0.16528566901047584,0.0,0.0,0.07553725252578661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306858283072187,0.09020073425965608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967056481239696,0.11137442926200404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453798713414048,0.0,0.12661063149929674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024539966633152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427059034488671,0.09771953290415447,0.09102013275810064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924666608058606,0.15435364372708993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998722119914563,0.11288267858436757,0.20726489152569247,0.061396072421745614,0.271831908362688,0.08640164812046765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280163492739839,0.2172311691318715,0.0,0.0,0.10729839945523624,0.10638802098455062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602223704777947,0.0,0.0,0.059370592224440986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833434881765826,0.0,0.09539267719775284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886906845346872,0.0,0.0,0.12652370622032313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020610163077614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335955956979454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489456305630672,0.0,0.0,0.11858475776480712,0.10212349105428152,0.0,0.10346310334317313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920693516665036,0.11107307455739752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440868331786495,0.11089148435754706,0.0,0.12143051104946655,0.0,0.22024644115305272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627308565987453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633508735347555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442318749750056,0.0994597265760518,0.0,0.0,0.07177048822847253,0.13844282574351496,0.0,0.2572918198007507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637190318952398,0.08574937258732178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104137292003824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674157979699757,0.0,0.0,0.06956792978484733
suicidewatch,Megutoes667,2019/01/22,"Not Gonna Live Much Longer Why are you such a lazy pervert? You jerk off all day to the wireless fucking porn imaginable. You don’t deserve any praise from anyone. You spend all of your day on reddit and jerking off. Why are you such a lazy fuck? Why don’t you do anything useful ever? You are a fat lazy piece of shit that hurts people on a daily basis. Fucking kill yourself you stupid worthless dumb shit excuse for a human being. 

I just sat in my room and these are my thoughts. I won’t live past eighteen. I don’t see it. I want to sleep forever. Please just let me die a quick death. I can’t live with myself anymore. ",0.7935416666666661,3.1488685625000024,1.9348750000000017,96.38929166666668,86.03125,4.038333333333333,19.470833333333328,5.2151,-0.3841641666666669,488,14,104,2,15,154,84,128,0.328,0.597,0.075,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,9,0,1,6,13,10,0,7,0,12,8,4,1,3,13,21,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,6,12,0,0,2,1,18,1,12,15,4,11,1,2,1,4,12,6,6,0,5,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451334539298283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241754181759293,0.10746246486787127,0.0,0.12647241355943492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982325375395692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950423875775138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901990766784428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426247197781438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452655291722496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003338388790792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571567463612558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071288753260998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297861782588893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671291633656056,0.10654814786234668,0.0,0.0,0.168703652026731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246971356520316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155177569597446,0.0,0.0,0.15379933776042554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201137946997324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327373856608743,0.0,0.0,0.09064936832484652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41603948237767496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manicpanicpixiedust,2019/01/22,"Just another day that I wish I was dead Meanwhile, people who want to live are dying in hospitals. Why can’t I just donate my healthy organs to people in need who want the life they were given?",6.797692307692309,5.74900735897436,7.143205128205127,78.58096153846154,65.15384615384616,9.851282051282054,29.756410256410252,8.841846274778883,2.192579487179488,153,4,30,2,2,50,31,39,0.102,0.7090000000000001,0.189,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337402028459476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052617301836665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303203038755373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480779569639445,0.0,0.0,0.2810435945393492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599766770415304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413050945024579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37545493617464976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871946420014003,0.0,0.3660017648162508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watcherintgeweb,2019/01/22,"Conflict Jobs are disappearing, I fucked up my applications to graduate school because I’m a lazy, STUPID piece of shit, and there’s nothing in life that I want to do that could be considered a career.  

I hate myself, and no woman has ever loved me besides my mother.  I don’t blame any of them though, because I don’t love me either.  Not their fault.  

The only things keeping me from ending it all tonight are the fact that I don’t want to hurt my mother, and that I’m terrified of the act of being dead.  Like, just ceasing to exist.  Forever.  That’s scary.  

By my mistake of an existence is one of the only things that is within my power to correct.  It’s too late for everything else.  I am a fat stupid nobody, and I have no passion for anything.  Not to mention that certain things about my body are just pitiful.  

I know in my head that I CAN’T go through with it because of what effects it might have on others, but at the same time I’m disgusted with myself and want to have that extinguished.  

So yeah, 23 year old white man acting like he’s got it terrible enough to justify killing himself and wasting everything he’s already been given.  Nothing new.  

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suicidewatch,Zipsi,2019/01/22,"Do you guys ever wish that there was a simple button that would give you instant and painless death when you press it? If there was such a button, I would have pressed it long time ago...",6.4054054054054035,5.801457783783783,5.338513513513514,89.73858108108108,65.75675675675676,7.4,26.60810810810811,3.1291,0.530091891891892,146,3,31,0,2,43,28,37,0.098,0.779,0.123,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140180537457758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204361438200647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398254198314598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507596240057231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134969106760748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656392076621524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073658698186557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032929480931693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IndividualGazelle8,2019/01/22,"Death seems so much better than this life. I want to be held deep in the earth, gentle winds blowing through the grass above me, soul at ease. Never another yesterday, never another tomorrow. I am in Papa's arms again, and my love for you is everlasting.

Goodbye.",3.367346938775512,6.019456346938777,4.366693877551022,81.21044897959185,77.36734693877553,8.001632653061224,26.126530612244892,8.841846274778883,2.3864171428571432,207,8,37,5,5,67,44,49,0.067,0.69,0.243,0.8473,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,2,6,7,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,7,5,1,9,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,5,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6444386918791616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27177217964071265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170473328466448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27734035120931977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258927976565123,0.0,0.474000494704714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797443962497522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124703426848726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mikehill30,2019/01/22,"Thought i was over it.... It's just too much to handle. My girlfriend broke up with me 7 months ago. My problem is the way the breakup went triggered me to become bipolar. And it's rare that I can go more than 10 minutes at a time without thinking about it. There are certain very painful images associated with it I can't get out of my head. And they just won't go away. I still have nightmares almost everynight, can't sleep unless I'm medicated, and it just hurts all the time.

I recently looked at a bunch of pictures with my friend, and I looked happy a few days after my breakup, because I thought it'd be like normal and the pain would go away, I just had to make it through. But here we are 7 months later and it's like the pain gets worse. ",2.8785497835497837,4.229491292207797,3.5137012987012994,92.7286471861472,74.38961038961041,5.912554112554113,26.46969696969697,5.985473137389443,0.655928138528139,585,21,130,3,12,184,96,154,0.13699999999999998,0.773,0.08900000000000001,-0.8173,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,0,9,11,0,0,8,0,13,7,2,2,2,29,26,8,0,3,7,0,0,2,2,2,5,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,6,0,0,5,2,17,5,21,17,5,22,0,2,2,0,4,7,0,1,12,88,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903498324522455,0.0,0.14576276534391205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735270528365186,0.0,0.0,0.08873534361098613,0.16076559647108254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938776690916807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246350099210564,0.0,0.15210387306118384,0.0,0.24818458925333356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495712198312278,0.0,0.0,0.14939214123990593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583081852518876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422318463488424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444766228374444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716606424601544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466418706316989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323778973509242,0.0,0.10700735036070616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262322871120248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646756868286882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928647092532287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372831486584453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567056968547182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624875166298053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327245888032704,0.0,0.23112540553571376,0.16976076207844484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010673619824695,0.0,0.11554307398322465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494062500385345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031989356140798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834362350363864,0.10340551498548256,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,let-me-die1991,2019/01/22,"Slowly cutting off people who care about me.    I've tried to off myself so many times. It's kind of stupid how many dead-set attempts went wrong, mostly because of my carelessness in planning. The one thing I've learned after all of it is that I need to limit my impact as much as possible. So, I've been slowly cutting people out of my life. Most resent me for it, but that helps. I need them to hate me. I need to know that the inevitable sadness will lessened at least a bit. So, I start arguments, steal to get caught, act selfishly, and generally push everyone away. It's working. I give it a few more months tops before I'm alone. They don't get it, they don't understand the relentless pain, the constant, unprovoked breakdowns, the feeling of being totally and completely lost in agony. I push to lessen the blow. Hopefully this will all be over soon. ",3.6506798623063688,5.612915909638557,4.317418244406198,85.2277108433735,73.63855421686746,7.634423407917385,26.917383820998282,8.418075326091056,1.89877934595525,675,25,130,12,14,215,109,166,0.246,0.672,0.08199999999999999,-0.982,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,6,8,15,5,0,8,0,8,2,0,1,3,20,25,9,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,4,0,0,5,2,12,0,1,4,1,16,3,24,17,10,20,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,3,6,86,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107461482739122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551901881990612,0.0,0.0,0.10069098856651557,0.0,0.14055433006314838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033161836418166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684100011011924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318601253316662,0.17849876029686398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783467775810034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351897053802503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259739715968395,0.15845380907214224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307909897499276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071534577407506,0.0,0.0,0.1640590451752309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200749074975485,0.0907775206459936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166701212331817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031132231765476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33492917546251444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184352059226115,0.0,0.12142485117248138,0.3674322291604578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192890197251508,0.0,0.17576106042077091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290272840269135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621340039370474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169138535370888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973693764589272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631663245944408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214503379126772,0.0,0.0,0.17195614533368833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312168045449767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202515666584614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805962360481434,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bugsy219,2019/01/22,"Psychotic episode getting bad, I need a way out I tried to commit suicide with heroin, and of course I didn’t even overdose. Now I’m going through another psychotic episode and everything is scary as fuck. I wish I could just get heroin again but the process takes so fucking long and I need money to buy it. I need another way to stop this pain and end it. If anyone has any advice, please help.",3.0418131868131866,5.1387139871794885,3.7326373626373615,88.14807692307693,75.7948717948718,7.021245421245422,27.809523809523807,7.957251820313856,1.7909062271062277,313,13,62,5,7,99,58,78,0.247,0.639,0.114,-0.8937,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,16,15,8,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,8,13,0,9,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,5,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790577177428199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460789027160996,0.3842813203761681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812403028744224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152995789783173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630035895954455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229417631601126,0.0,0.0,0.12102674431690323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646821909117976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388005225553825,0.19146822589203646,0.0,0.1041381832071316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282033902732087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215956032423434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076052026892448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949777863019175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011399221900536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319488612140605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004322561224018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777191388343052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440634109186953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908910462888927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107142625374964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spun809,2019/01/22,"Suicide; the answer to everything A lot of talk between my loved ones this week seems to be about who’s to blame for my actions. The truth is one person is to blame, me. I am not a good person, I am a waste of space on this Earth. I am not just a depressed person saying everyone would be better off without me. Rather, I am a practical person saying that others resources are being wasted trying to keep me alive. I will never discover a cure for cancer, I will never make a positive impact on this world, instead I am destined to cause pain wherever I go and to whoever I touch. I do understand people will be hurt by the loss of my life but honestly this keeping me here out of obligation to you all is selfish and unfair. I want to die, I have nothing to live for, my life is pointless and anyone who tries to convince people all I need is some pathetic job at McDonald’s to feel fulfilled is delusional. I am not meant to be here. The world just isn’t made for me. I’m sorry if reading this hurts people, it’s just my truth. 
Love 
Ashley ",4.32069058903182,4.9751983507109045,5.667004062288424,81.27683649289102,70.23222748815165,8.493026404874746,28.34157075152336,8.634040054169528,2.0786395396073125,816,28,160,13,14,275,119,211,0.203,0.669,0.128,-0.9477,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,2,8,14,0,0,11,0,25,6,0,3,6,35,39,5,2,5,10,0,2,0,0,4,4,2,0,4,10,4,0,2,5,1,0,2,7,6,0,2,2,4,25,8,30,28,4,13,0,4,0,2,12,8,0,4,3,124,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017547977199104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140592560295974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324828051005462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107755421970064,0.0,0.13384553642363664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323179351474572,0.11590562318448612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652086897385123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329390600825487,0.10816990705159366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761198686961873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279780802779326,0.2292604246257816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821838963828077,0.0,0.0,0.11387865120068387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964161742261323,0.232792290717482,0.12203000854279125,0.08608528516776777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562607583605087,0.1989318548173492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374560591921414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478034019049787,0.0,0.13722808582598442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682247340255284,0.4504298195238253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900011890063076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051166369958342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740509185626652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436600422294898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106701777232225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036573579814674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751178365130907,0.0,0.0,0.134257341265837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606702758746138,0.0,0.10344811968451627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431786905930975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161319144209534,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,izgubbljenslucajj,2019/01/22,I feel like everything is going to shit Ill fail uni if it continues like this and if that happens im dead.,1.7265217391304368,3.3562731739130456,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,78.13043478260869,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,1.7208434782608697,85,3,19,2,2,29,20,23,0.415,0.439,0.146,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,4,3,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,9,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714578448400925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898278003785556,0.2952699128709824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348945255434577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654901116735305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44644748777670057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40384637296530973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242584513557585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xoxoplainjane,2019/01/22,"I said it out loud to another person for the first time Today was the start of my second attempt at therapy. And for the first time I said it out loud. Suicidal thoughts. I answered her questions. Have you thought about methods? When was the last time? On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being you walk out of my office and kill you self, how are you feeling? Answering those questions was the calmest I felt during the whole hour. I was 95% honest too. I didn’t tell her about the google doc I created a month ago where I kept notes about methods and written a draft of my suicide note.  I was worried she’d report me. But I also felt like that one night of darkness doesn’t represent my depression and journey as a whole. Anyway, after 6 months of pretty constant suicidal thoughts, l finally said it out loud. I don’t know what I feel right now but I don’t feel more broken or any worse. I almost feel hopeful. I didn’t expect that.",2.4062566844919786,4.3999862032085595,3.4657754010695214,89.80689839572193,77.34224598930481,6.325133689839571,25.438502673796787,7.285733465282438,1.1626491978609632,728,27,149,9,17,234,112,187,0.142,0.778,0.08,-0.9224,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,4,0,3,10,5,1,0,11,0,14,0,0,1,0,31,31,11,4,2,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,0,2,7,9,0,1,14,0,0,2,5,2,0,4,17,12,27,3,22,12,3,28,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,5,19,101,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385543791451247,0.0,0.11731900485973487,0.0,0.0,0.0936929602797934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967294565938511,0.12285267285045585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266085416667861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009098985333108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23695884596048694,0.0,0.22498430793828392,0.1283432595722625,0.0,0.1993127926867216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163665026151237,0.1153791853836678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962038966262218,0.0,0.0643881755032992,0.09550119065210633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057238550029010675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703228910542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994690010018104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939077574284845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229975737183007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919403138102345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624924485997261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005416068260424,0.3343385055489268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222362811726385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292658432112981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844626904994565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240316864596068,0.0,0.13398288596859087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790363078452508,0.20495114397991068,0.0,0.11105415935689908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26161033248089594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898185834139308,0.11939624118458685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,advicethrowaway2505,2019/01/22,"every day it gets harder, these relapses fuck me up i am feeling too weak to write anything
im just done
i dont know what to think, even though it feels like i am thinking one million things at a time

i'm low on energy but there doesn't seem to be a charger anywhere..
i been looking so long..
i don't know when i'll hit that 0%
but i can feel it coming closer and closer...

i will try to post daily to make this account like a diary - i mean there's nothing else i could do with my life so lets give you strangers some insight

and maybe if i'll actually be dead one day, no matter if suicide, accident or natural death
maybe people will find this
they might cry
but that'd mean they care(d), right?
that's all i could ever want, right?",1.148473118279572,3.072392277419361,2.676129032258064,94.28086021505376,81.06451612903227,5.423655913978496,20.655913978494624,6.42735559955562,0.09428172043010807,573,16,129,5,15,187,107,155,0.211,0.706,0.083,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,2,0,10,5,1,0,3,0,18,3,0,1,2,33,37,12,3,5,7,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,12,0,1,1,4,3,0,3,2,4,15,2,9,25,2,16,0,1,1,1,5,8,1,6,8,79,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.13853265423997255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682112944968577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473786106817324,0.0,0.0,0.12228612202192615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22668729902449414,0.0,0.15593658792371534,0.183105139510656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527454805657558,0.1663762695668994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858951151461201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937633577047932,0.12841110699699346,0.11960757137413724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533799195855352,0.10141637844020276,0.0,0.0,0.12974902947460049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123989563724234,0.07416833301905901,0.13618113682824615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334135108382474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603520082489947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516389854402434,0.1002706709069407,0.1387091430824144,0.0,0.0,0.12563028895597267,0.11921079465667965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475952013727984,0.0,0.2852361560316163,0.30927249847065125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059731346150435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621461801687998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239177907821253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841731191602536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359586076477895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424664301083817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292352130133689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528139199691526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431203331858157,0.18192469797162544,0.13947515261753604,0.0,0.08277812051727737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963816413172102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837317901475214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AltMyProblems,2019/01/22,"Do you think starting opiates would be better than killing myself right now Hey so I definitely want to die, and have for years. But like the memes say, mom would be sad lol. She don't know about all the shit that's happened to me. 

​

I am pretty much on the brink of doing it tonight, I was thinking I'd go jump off a bridge or something (don't want to do it in the house where my sibling would find my body.) But then I thought maybe if I just started doing loads of painkillers I wouldn't care as much and could maybe last out a few more years. Would that even be worth it though? Plus all I have in the house right now is cocodamol, so I might OD anyway, and I don't know anyone selling heroin in the area. And is a junkie kid even better than a dead one?

​

What y'all think",3.2288181818181805,4.24828577575758,3.217348484848486,96.48602272727273,73.06060606060606,5.742424242424242,23.446969696969692,4.7782277997778095,-0.054848484848485146,623,16,144,1,12,188,103,165,0.121,0.726,0.153,0.3979,0,0,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,2,0,2,11,7,2,0,10,1,23,2,2,0,2,29,36,14,4,9,5,1,0,1,0,6,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,7,0,2,2,4,3,0,1,2,1,16,4,17,24,6,22,0,1,0,0,7,11,1,3,10,98,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585176520226484,0.2899191181370801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341560813584893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101794477364247,0.0,0.13251266427811878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163178457308232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524937192285247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238120034989203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758978944460927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109035782933035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779953661227238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549441350538626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753066693231957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198504368799946,0.0,0.13112560730472972,0.09724341095781294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582827481531264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970081101689394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655582895208692,0.0,0.13971982756940815,0.0,0.0,0.1753948250467088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083909508463398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136847821643025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375888088643304,0.0,0.09487018564830588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224572021813212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184106843487408,0.0,0.0,0.16887881425150586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22932312432527946,0.1172092194210566,0.0947089146940322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407295504573591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389821754974225,0.0,0.2899191181370801,0.15364739848789322
suicidewatch,AkemiTanaka,2019/01/22,"Miscarriage and dark thoughts I recently suffered a miscarriage. I wish I would have hemorrhaged and that this baby would have taken me with them. The pain is too much to handle, to lose a child.",3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,79.0,8.044444444444443,25.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.398133333333334,156,6,28,4,4,48,28,36,0.237,0.6940000000000001,0.069,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,3,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987816035954824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620352002238389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792929059759768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519559884134486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829851954665624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099052845162285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064303476748807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coloredstripes,2019/01/22,"I guess I’ll never succeed. In anything. I can’t do my job correctly and I frankly don’t want it anymore. I can’t be a good girlfriend or stepmom. I can’t keep myself up and take care of myself or my household. I can’t even succeed with suicide, I’ve tried multiple times and I keep fucking failing. It never works. I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know where to go. I can’t say these things the way I want to and I can’t get help. I’m sorry. I can’t keep going on like this. I’m done. ",-1.3655357142857127,0.5552778035714319,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,92.39285714285714,3.9142857142857146,20.5,5.288315135182226,-0.2858821428571434,382,14,93,2,14,133,60,112,0.14400000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.4116,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,4,2,7,1,0,2,0,14,1,0,0,3,18,30,6,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,12,2,0,0,1,1,17,5,8,28,0,10,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,3,4,57,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354626153412685,0.0,0.0,0.14713013016269433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228980013073806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829657294496227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180900671700756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528981545211235,0.09341115380796004,0.0,0.2032226037197012,0.1499617864046371,0.0,0.0,0.1969589404144423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119840140850274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742292715441574,0.4767541698871415,0.0,0.0,0.19651821134991912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734847185868529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757899783251971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421821380069014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001423915345211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556882837869152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134428920289248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187810955384372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425473288696216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138765905702685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091166026546865,0.14191633175507648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016230573152016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smelIbeforerain,2019/01/22,"i dont know what is wrong with me i barely understand myself. it feels like i feel everything so much more than everyone else, i dont get why though.

its like something happens and everyone else is unaffected but it breaks my heart. i dont feel sad, i feel like 

myself. i dont get angry, i get overwhelmed with hurt and rage. im not happy, im manic. its like there's no in between

for me. i am unloveable. no matter how many times you tell me you love me, i wont believe you. its more likely

that this is all a practical joke, and that any day now youll up and leave. im not sure why im like this. i hate it 

though. i doubt everything people tell me. i feel like no one could ever want to be around me, so why should i believe

my friends, family, and loved ones when they say they care? i have no redeeming qualities, i dont understand

how anyone could ever care about me. i wouldnt care about me. i dont deserve that.

its really kind of funny because it seems like i hurt everyone around me, even though im just scared theyre going to 

leave me, or im scared they hate me. its like im fucking myself over and i dont know how to stop. the thoughts in my 

head are so loud, i cant shut them down. when i get upset, i literally cannot calm myself down. i cry and wail and sob for hours begging for help but no one cares or shows up. its so fucking tiring. i wish it would stop. no one wants to deal with me. i dont want to deal with me either. 

im scared to tell anyone anything. i dont feel like i can trust anyone. i know no one actually wants to talk to me.

at most, people keep me around cus im nice. but its not like anyone is sitting there wishing i was there.

its the opposite, actually. people dread when i come around. its ok. i dread myself too.

the only person who cant hurt or leave me is me. you cant abandon yourself, so i keep everything in. 

if i talk, it drives people away.

im so embarrassing. if i came across me, i'd wanna puke. 

​

i wonder if i could ever love myself. in another universe, where im mentally stable and ok. maybe in that place people

like me. in that place people can handle me, and i can handle myself. but thats not real, none of this is, and i cant 

handle myself anymore. why cant i be normal? why cant i just function? i cant. im not gonna make it anywhere like this.

​

i promise myself that if it stays like this for too long, i will kill myself. wow isnt that 

sentence familiar!! but i mean it. i refuse to be a useless piece of shit for the rest of my life, and i refuse

to keep feeling like this. no one around me deserves to keep dealing with me. i dont want to deal with me either.

i feel so pathetic its laughable. 

​

​

i love my boyfriend so much. i think im slowly destroying what we have, too. fantastic!!!! so sick!!!! i love my life!!! 

and i know how it is. i know hes out with his friends right now. he talks bad about me like he did with her. the way it used to be with his ex. i know he does. and theres nothing i can do about it. i cant wait until i die. 

​

i dont think anyone understands. i dont anyone could ever understand. im such a stupid, crazy bitch. i hate myself.

its more than that, honestly. i fucking despise every part of me. im hideous on the inside and out. i fucking

hate myself. ",-0.6979663957629434,1.4601680386266125,1.6760577420631328,96.29072071043743,93.2203147353362,4.5767570693696165,17.164353331507016,6.246984511938701,-0.3081244148175206,2525,68,580,28,94,851,248,699,0.219,0.579,0.202,-0.9696,0,1,1,0,0,1,133.0,1,5,4,0,46,73,15,9,9,2,55,16,3,6,6,121,119,47,2,20,21,1,8,16,2,7,4,2,0,1,41,34,0,10,24,2,0,4,38,34,0,6,4,10,120,39,63,100,13,51,0,8,0,9,41,27,7,11,32,382,161,0,0.0,0.0,0.06024469361118096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672252801547504,0.18753769954727875,0.020991041763590703,0.032367393539050014,0.0,0.0,0.030612387095320524,0.12950015596063802,0.0,0.025401423186540338,0.13739364149368646,0.0,0.0,0.029001147394139375,0.0,0.025773175406403854,0.018816616144143487,0.0,0.0,0.06955448032743376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03530433685723453,0.12588639323816225,0.0,0.0,0.02658972353676564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985811392281566,0.0,0.033906633832207864,0.019907062867184046,0.12729265342318258,0.0,0.0,0.032035718736628464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02701246442143811,0.0,0.4341194834915808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051571875424559335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020387773510409383,0.11168612685216647,0.026007303225888817,0.08848600816884987,0.08322548611362096,0.0,0.029099247300189608,0.0,0.1248607790421998,0.11025917823861807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047696497072739166,0.1141464782524562,0.06450823486923367,0.0,0.017542781184406258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027296136592875702,0.03285915808181583,0.0,0.1219015465129984,0.03167908594557972,0.0,0.0,0.03657828122804493,0.020689916668368863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03039839030668941,0.0,0.09913328476432913,0.0,0.5001349373899455,0.0,0.0,0.10974624446952468,0.03415045082496579,0.03214387874658098,0.10178422825103256,0.0,0.0,0.0980530657331541,0.0,0.0,0.04360542920452597,0.2412857783434662,0.0,0.0,0.02731687452304965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392961720792151,0.0,0.02060437767807432,0.031294924301936984,0.031010675644005357,0.03362389000439848,0.0,0.0,0.03110730328985835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538250835352583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030243716186667473,0.029618316247575167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255001990050576,0.02347621782348169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033426627088231214,0.0,0.12839833687470434,0.02695241730584025,0.06450019124868991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513411213354065,0.01977458935373084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026360780916629276,0.0,0.02454717230989124,0.09271162492574576,0.0,0.0,0.02810072417395292,0.0,0.0,0.03168517086785904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023763403819539432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03290077846653406,0.0,0.05161342906189319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029092368858194544,0.0,0.0,0.07443067704773759,0.08093898770710915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039557452175217125,0.0909818470083674,0.024505444280415126,0.017999158882909226,0.03547779119847376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853713431299302,0.0,0.026659715039456897,0.0,0.0,0.09103261737508823,0.02450128193325141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926614055928951,0.0,0.07099248491355835,0.0,0.03347461982514161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02192747335491699,0.033748899471279056,0.18753769954727875,0.0
suicidewatch,redruiner,2019/01/22,"Can’t stop fucking up I can’t stop hurting the only person in my life who loves and takes care of me. I get an itch in my brain to say something that I know will hurt him or point out one of his flaws and I just keep opening my mouth, as if putting him down will make me feel better. I can’t sleep through the night despite various medications and  at work I feel despised and like I’m being forced out after getting a raise I didn’t even want because I think everyone around me knows I am not worth what they are paying me. I also keep making major mistakes at work even though I have been here a very long time and should know what I’m doing.
The planet is a disaster. America is a disaster. I feel like I’m drowning and each day is worse than the one before.",3.505227272727275,4.21451175,4.4639772727272735,88.96511363636365,72.125,7.3181818181818175,25.79545454545455,7.348242739294969,1.0439999999999996,600,18,132,6,11,195,104,160,0.189,0.715,0.096,-0.9389,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,7,10,2,0,9,0,16,8,4,2,0,31,37,11,1,4,4,0,3,2,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,11,0,4,7,0,2,1,5,5,0,2,2,4,23,5,16,31,3,19,0,2,0,2,8,11,1,2,9,87,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164110640980122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958681311049966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873719675576043,0.0,0.12386805829648335,0.0,0.0,0.12874349464005788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625025705818729,0.0,0.0,0.1484167711143516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387962962854032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229322164476015,0.0,0.0,0.13909692470494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208113981295005,0.10399415408741199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345757178399198,0.1521070495913695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311668145777459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587759141733102,0.0,0.0,0.24000189565848834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281932525221144,0.14223481671208293,0.0,0.0,0.12882352760640933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138124022330927,0.0,0.19433618691513194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664493309368073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660616119629926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728194426118145,0.11071139168302413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710478542955767,0.0,0.0,0.13760926931431394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633653274989014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157619012033858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567361186285002,0.0,0.0,0.11206573085019718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340354157302585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944938378016512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327440677800483,0.1430202964822449,0.0,0.08488215367713829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201092445017198,0.0858600634388693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195118019347484,0.0,0.148346721504948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlamingBrad1234,2019/01/22,i need help I want to tell my mom that I'm suicidal and I harm myself. but I just can't bring myself to bring it up when I talk to her. this pain sucks and makes me want to hurt my self more. any help?,-1.3974468085106366,0.19240457446808712,0.8802553191489402,105.49400000000004,88.36170212765957,4.611063829787233,11.527659574468085,5.6839178017228535,-1.6769370212765955,153,1,44,1,5,51,33,47,0.318,0.542,0.14,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,9,4,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,5,9,1,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,1,0,1,26,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638098042070207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871276295781019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091460295872654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276355766187128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33821681301712103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412744985948973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072833409727705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012615602648576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315879539244702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321112262496087,0.2524073195793959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34066102772260776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sentenobeast,2019/01/22,"I dont want to do this anymore at this moment im struggling so hard to get my mind right. its hard to type. ok, um, these thought are nothing new to me. in hindsight as a teen i can see all those thought were for petty things and i was just looking for excuses even though i had friends and family there for me, but as i grew older i noticed the idea began to grow to an urge. the thoughts would come and go and the urge would grow bit by bit but stayed right as i left it last time i though about it. along the way i gave up friends for a better life for me and my kid. her mom was and still is toxic and a relentless bitch with her mom to back her up. worse thing is i took them to court to get custody and i had EVERYTHING going for me but i still lost the case. but i digress, the urge, i lived in each day and night just working, spend anytime i was allowed with my kid. it was hell trying to get time with her. i was groomed to the idea that if i went to court i would lose because courts always side with the mother. later i would hate myself for being right. when i wasnt with my kid i would drink or get high or mess around with different women. nothing special, just notches on my belt. It got stale and if i wasnt keeping occupied with any of those things the thoughts would come, at without a doubt i could feel that urge grow bit by bit.

​

i decided a while back to settle down and i found someone. when i first met her i knew she was perfect. as a person she had her flaws like anyone. one of them being she has borderline personality disorder. there are others but i tried to look past them. we had a son. he was perfect. our relationship started to chip away. i could say it was a lot of things that did it. her disorder, my inability to control my emotions, the custody case, the struggle to keep the family afloat, lots of things but it didnt matter cause we found a way and the thought were not there.

​

this time, this fight, they came back and its really strong.

​

i cant do this anymore.

​

i cant talk to anyone. im gonna be 34 this fucking thursday and i dont have friends and im too old to make them that easy. at work most days its easy to hide, especially since most of the time im here by myself.ive kept most of my family away. some because they are just people i dont want to associate with, some because life too busy to keep up, others so my relationship can be stable. my mom is not right in the head and calls me usually to ask for money even though shes able to get a job but lives in a section 8 apartment and is on pills most of the time. my dad, i dont really hear from him. my son is 2 and hes never seen him, i havent seen him in years. hes usually in and out of jail. my aunt i talk to but as much as she tries the talks never get anywhere but i appreciate it.

​

I cant do these fights with the ex, i cant do this alone all the time anymore. whatever happens in this relationship whether it works out or not i cant keep this going on any longer. i can do another deal where im away from my son evry other weekend.i now where im replaceable. i know how this will end. im convinced of it. I know its selfish and weak but i dont know anyone who thinks of me otherwise and i cant say theyll tell my kids any different. i dont know if anything ive said to anyone has gotten through but i hope i gave them the best advice. and i hope my face dosnt end up on a t shirt. theres now only a where, a how and a when. nowhere near here. itll get done and it wont make a difference. people will still be themselves and things will move on. amongst a tower of falling nails. just a pin drop.",0.961448724905047,2.8811320412371124,2.5034454693434647,95.30018176885515,81.68041237113404,5.630602278893111,21.164134563212155,6.7183091564049375,0.21133659793814447,2848,85,662,30,76,928,308,776,0.101,0.807,0.093,-0.0623,5,1,1,0,2,0,93.0,3,0,8,12,38,28,6,3,39,1,74,9,3,7,6,129,134,60,0,15,27,10,3,1,3,13,4,4,0,7,44,44,1,6,17,1,2,14,23,14,1,2,41,12,101,14,96,73,18,96,1,2,5,1,70,39,3,17,40,449,145,5,0.04169176032069953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074070566308656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043180090115206536,0.0,0.0,0.034690884444106375,0.2258650244442223,0.2533002609011091,0.08505548006836612,0.04371744586780182,0.0,0.0,0.12404106998383435,0.11660739279177786,0.0,0.03430876637573382,0.037114505851908015,0.03897616792590816,0.0,0.11751234369036948,0.09617517062351064,0.0,0.07624473036770903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437529302793688,0.03687297395869335,0.18206641679580488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042571948705684856,0.047684266995200585,0.0,0.042828922373292194,0.0,0.07182751975106892,0.0,0.0,0.04676085432200113,0.06657495625333043,0.0,0.0,0.05377547266715064,0.042982374211588834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067704768884952,0.09556473866448703,0.0,0.0,0.0426651458780839,0.2931745955509875,0.04084205289536085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046897618803261786,0.07385304974813155,0.0,0.0,0.055074028974931535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037469865876020365,0.0,0.11790984347612267,0.0,0.02108060671537913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546299003054139,0.0,0.09142572651842457,0.09663285180866817,0.038543360604411166,0.1524755680253145,0.0,0.0710831645317415,0.0,0.03334470934325071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036867885962441685,0.0,0.07469525630211213,0.041161981844891435,0.042787774162181436,0.0,0.046989643946273536,0.0,0.0,0.04404963381529919,0.0,0.08281865035357612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412984532712396,0.3152397884184238,0.0,0.04137263897414212,0.14823020877484613,0.0,0.0,0.09165080455411714,0.033984349186494615,0.0,0.0,0.04529821957688435,0.0,0.05889624657268834,0.020368488160536227,0.0,0.07362917638327088,0.0,0.07002115666247055,0.04664241545958636,0.0455114813750951,0.07088968742640163,0.0,0.0,0.05565914751178298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042096792939021126,0.14648665739796596,0.0,0.044311743191562634,0.030648240951139626,0.0,0.06431051154963925,0.040266161915534095,0.0,0.03912489278367738,0.0,0.0800087369214102,0.04746634545624325,0.043748489147607886,0.0,0.02825141578454385,0.03170846242656422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979950274712009,0.05780763424837305,0.07280727397174651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534176184799532,0.0,0.0,0.1342840436360846,0.0,0.1424181420558768,0.039658411382032674,0.0663099223834982,0.0,0.0,0.033222935125192275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034487854968046086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03532529322485272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029509642541303845,0.04443786923664221,0.09988528094265883,0.0,0.0,0.08717056027771293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053077306989762,0.03644043615901316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618891802143973,0.02671439657400617,0.1228858285033744,0.16549300339908138,0.14586480431553028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632107975510382,0.08491790561619587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183516765143733,0.0,0.04918176086682252,0.06618595750173012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03864867950916138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018936917521782,0.0,0.09105629417981448,0.0,0.04248746559352386,0.17769978202070308,0.0,0.2533002609011091,0.026848126728474874
suicidewatch,DreyaNova,2019/01/22,"The double whammy of loss. Please help me. I think this might be it. I'm holding onto the fact that I'll probably chicken out of actually going through with the whole not being here anymore thing... Right now it feels very very appealing.

I had a medical abortion last week. I'm entirely sure it was twins. This is my second abortion. 

The first time it happened, my ex left me immediately afterwards and went to go bang his side chick. 

Last week, my now ex didn't even stay through the whole procedure. 

I never thought this could happen twice. 

I wanted to have my baby(ies) ... But he didn't. And Im not one to force someone into a shotgun marriage or force him to pay child support for the next 18 years, he told me he'd be there for me, just like the last guy, and he left immediately. He turned cold immediately. 

Now I'm just sitting alone in a pool of my own blood. 

I work in a kitchen. I can't get the time off I need to grieve. My boss and my coworkers are dysfunctional and I love them for it... I just don't have the strength right now to mask this pain under humour like I usually do. 

I passed a whole amniotic sac. Intact. It messed me up. I didn't look inside but the thing was about the size of a coffee cup. I didn't know what to do with it so I flushed it. I can't even give my babies a proper burial because the earth is frozen. Plus I'm pretty sure my roommates would look down on my burying a fetus in the garden. 

I don't know what to do anymore. 

I hurt more than I thought I ever could. 

I just feel numb. Like my whole heart has stopped beating. 

I just want to die and go meet my kids. I want to hold them and tell them I love them. 

I don't want to wake up anymore. 

",0.8343868725868724,2.961243122857141,2.4614749034749046,94.26336293436295,83.4857142857143,5.383783783783784,20.88803088803089,6.643151254067905,0.1880787644787647,1303,40,297,14,37,426,180,350,0.091,0.799,0.11,0.5081,0,1,0,1,0,3,47.0,0,0,4,5,16,16,0,0,21,0,29,9,3,1,5,47,60,12,3,8,10,2,2,3,0,2,3,0,2,4,17,12,1,3,7,2,1,5,12,6,0,4,11,5,48,10,37,41,7,43,0,3,2,2,25,17,0,2,22,190,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.09113242508527794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672096357960748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27784499245537514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056927963554165475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491241426757623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692115812427307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233627150025488,0.08447405886159992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443873734002096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943509515650693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048790951776978515,0.08958550110885817,0.15922227465145086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924679993065026,0.16516396542556808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066426846743448,0.06259546419042059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997291717839704,0.0,0.1008741893150688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264631344758003,0.2283690694836721,0.0,0.0,0.2029309079359218,0.0,0.0,0.13687278995648294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684343699337847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857116809131312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940777679684609,0.0,0.09906904954914683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924541725153031,0.07202595720368878,0.0,0.09931833483099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328157606616293,0.0,0.09937055325726027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251108974638792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500834439384233,0.10068718459918387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950429809328726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791266620871801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953831778778516,0.0,0.0780758715072015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059746752554972,0.1760326406593681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162451929019239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408459735648204,0.05983873982642988,0.0,0.14827799304481226,0.10890964167442034,0.0,0.0,0.08923546099719777,0.0,0.0,0.10157844469769924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028527949113027,0.1541084222511996,0.22032873432590105,0.0,0.14981913978613812,0.0,0.0,0.08657085970019954,0.0,0.4170538453536974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798698574244304,0.0,0.0,0.06633957957271544,0.0,0.0,0.06013828782101147
suicidewatch,TeenagersDepression,2019/01/22,"Does anyone else feel like suicide is the way they're ""meant to go""? I don't think that's the right way to phrase it but I really don't care about anything right now. 

The way I feel right now, and have for the longest time, is not something I can deal with forever. I don't know when I'll die, this year, next year, whenever, but I'm almost 100% sure that it'll be by my own hand. It feels like it's inevitable.",1.7561316211878015,2.881012382022476,2.8921669341894085,96.9726966292135,76.86516853932585,6.434028892455858,20.579454253611555,6.868970318607317,0.020603852327447214,318,7,79,3,7,102,59,89,0.13,0.741,0.129,-0.2794,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,9,1,1,0,1,13,18,4,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,6,4,6,15,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,9,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525509150744514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237654730053098,0.17932646589340276,0.14402477478250952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844235833915634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043571423250335,0.0,0.0,0.18164089240808992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315929647121693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620495254513013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654828449275187,0.2500655683251013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946667517754458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618523105714692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100975813903466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861334647699576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121209137445812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483928526438248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347372884598258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144111699333047,0.0,0.16495224861697372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214436881482273,0.0,0.0,0.10205431346694084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167630592669864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254115092949425
suicidewatch,stinkybeast,2019/01/22,"Life has taken a turn for the worst I was diagnosed with major clinical depression and generalized anxiety when I was 17. Once I was diagnosed, I began taking Zoloft to treat these illnesses and things got better for a while.  For once in my life, my future seemed to be looking bright, and I felt that I was finally getting somewhere.

However, everything changed the summer before my last year of grad school. I started experiencing vision problems, which the doctors were unsure about, but they believed was caused by a condition called keratoconus. I spent the whole summer depressed and miserable, unable to see clearly.I struggled to make it through my last year of school with my vision giving me problems on and off. As I came closer to the end of my school year,  I decided to do something that would push me out of my comfort zone and force me to start building a life of my own: I moved to Arkansas to become a teacher. I was diagnosed with keratoconus right before I left for Arkansas, but I left anyway since the doctors told me that there was nothing that they could do at the time.

Moving to Arkansas turned out to be the worst decision I had ever made. Everything that I was afraid of happening became a reality. The stress of teaching took a toll on my mental health, I struggled personally, professionally, and financially, and my vision problems got worse. i barely made it through my first year of teaching with my sanity intact, and I went into my second year of teaching with the faintest hope that I could turn things around.  This year however, my physical health has started to fail me. My vision is the worst it has ever been, I have experienced multiple infections, I have felt sick every day of my life for over three months, and my anxiety has gotten out of control. I have spent a majority of this school year in a mental fog, unable to engage with and appreciate life the way that I once could. I have been to countless doctors, but no one has been able to figure out what is wrong with me. At this point, I'm just suffering through each day, waiting for healing that never comes. I don't want to live like this anymore.

Suicide seems like my only option right now. With each passing year, my physical and mental health gets worse, and I'm tired of living in persistent pain. I'm barely functional at work, and I don't really find much enjoyment in my personal life, even when I am among friends and family. I would rather just end my life than prolong my misery.

TL;DR: Everything in my life has gone wrong at once, I am in constant pain, and I want to kill myself.",8.285072164948453,7.660414373195878,8.155381443298971,71.14606185567013,61.969072164948464,11.471340206185568,36.101030927835055,10.793553405168565,3.882721237113402,2061,81,363,45,25,665,221,485,0.205,0.701,0.094,-0.9971,2,0,1,0,0,3,55.0,0,0,2,6,14,30,1,5,21,0,38,26,0,5,3,70,78,23,2,12,6,0,2,2,1,2,26,0,0,2,20,34,0,2,8,0,2,9,4,20,0,4,29,7,63,10,72,42,10,70,0,5,3,0,8,27,0,4,35,259,83,14,0.0593211600234063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076105009750132,0.0,0.058830650672016815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280840923710231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551556061900939,0.10095587594006417,0.06683463334753177,0.0,0.052464745357766684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060573536887199575,0.06784760372942833,0.0,0.06093917210961947,0.0627539215996456,0.05109992670568587,0.0,0.06410509975711592,0.06653372514687039,0.1420893578159004,0.0,0.0,0.07651448139594483,0.0,0.10218645640802514,0.18062918616944607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215316281020053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508188065521314,0.0,0.0,0.03918106672427513,0.10731877088335187,0.049980635820372335,0.0,0.1599421007356746,0.0,0.055922710222025517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391523284524925,0.0649834312102472,0.05421846556796656,0.050458548411680765,0.0,0.0,0.04583138108158386,0.0,0.06198571544328246,0.056906262097121886,0.0,0.0,0.0948891015236345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245750589755868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916685736713776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589192969157004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656300744048335,0.0,0.0,0.09670932581766983,0.0,0.0,0.12890522787360525,0.0,0.33520231727723976,0.05796264471980697,0.0,0.10476334222940134,0.0,0.04981483400373635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226223187958198,0.039597334951980465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934533045355516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734958397380397,0.12609801018536929,0.043607878197357015,0.0,0.04575213564356473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692025294299154,0.0,0.0,0.25270039756681506,0.040197553275548366,0.04511641531164838,0.1262437934353312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359389761726166,0.0,0.0,0.05607767051553582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702870159342325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800265411610955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131989306935464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401447237970868,0.04727128420217565,0.10800751227670394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049071076579314934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04566832715567934,0.0,0.0,0.12596346716670598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795218838153354,0.1240307129223521,0.0,0.06488772085172928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460212972814686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882068562415617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459064545778029,0.06818094695173946,0.0,0.05668391055482881,0.06590799149454996,0.0,0.193573162816646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997831428012798,0.047086375653862346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054991309654968255,0.0,0.06622995668537746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318651100864578,0.0,0.12090666002466885,0.08428010014679785,0.12971675218776613,0.0,0.3056070570755555
suicidewatch,arcadiumss,2019/01/22,"In 10 years Does anyone else have a long-term plan for suicide?

I've been staunchly decided for several months now that I'll kill myself in approximately a decade. I've never seen it any other way, for as long as I can remember. It's not even an emotion-based thing at this point, just a logical decision given how I am and will be. I just need a few years to finish getting my education and repay some debts to people (namely my parents), and then I'll be ready.

Just wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts. If you're reading this, I really hope you have a wonderful day!",5.5739039408867015,5.781095577586207,6.843546798029558,75.513275862069,67.36206896551724,10.421674876847293,31.226600985221683,10.290406445055957,3.122553201970444,461,17,89,11,7,157,83,116,0.081,0.833,0.086,-0.273,2,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,1,1,22,18,9,2,4,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,8,1,10,10,2,14,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,6,9,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617558111411258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238907562609092,0.3500870863163291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017626580505016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495013342752765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854261672226754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283677398532115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925571390146336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968051013608312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900674461907505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023722031215401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636112418146387,0.0,0.0,0.12667408456061868,0.13176066453954308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969519036599167,0.0,0.0,0.11843743923799048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149696684149908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088405884148858,0.0,0.10944308697662493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352595593887545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299811824561705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686885540134926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349706162582154,0.0,0.0,0.1356261524225437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560311578119974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705326733716701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002791980002914
suicidewatch,Leqxsthrow12,2019/01/22,"I've decided to take my life. I've no idea how to handle this with my crush. I want her to know. I want her to know that I love her. I want her to know that every good thing I did was with her in my mind. I want her to know that she was the strength that kept me going.

But I don't want her to be sad. I really fucking don't. I've seen her cry. It's horribad. I don't care about anyone else. Fuck my family. And I got no friends. Even she doesn't necessarily care about me much. But I love her. And I want her to know. But I don't want it to be a negative emotion for her either.

How do I tackle this? Is it best to tell her now and then just go? Or leave a note for her? Or what?",-2.50181818181818,-0.7717367898089158,0.6466850028951967,103.1368138390272,98.42675159235668,4.383207874927621,12.23190503763752,6.11248444174946,-1.259825477707006,512,8,143,6,22,179,74,157,0.155,0.654,0.191,0.6129,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,2,0,3,0,12,5,0,2,0,30,36,11,0,7,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,7,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,6,1,35,8,17,28,3,5,0,1,1,4,19,1,2,2,2,98,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591477321902704,0.1405502744418471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395493407205187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797146791653972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067844840087946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459070529606225,0.15430151946058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060168267069177,0.0,0.11557443645277785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931479587516878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597976503127042,0.2536290437826821,0.0,0.0,0.15591751529115774,0.11505447079638825,0.10971003323685592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485197896183125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769343402543411,0.0,0.0,0.14524673724847753,0.0,0.0,0.0968895710336064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24760854977164604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850594722427426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083817192070628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787673988310778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313726352843064,0.0,0.11989552588438047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113185709134457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5663586379868748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mochimeggie,2019/01/22,"Holding on Hey, I don't really know why I'm posting here, maybe it's the only place I feel like I can post this. 
I've been feeling very suicidal recently, in November I was raped. I am a lesbian with a girlfriend of 4 years, I had never had sex with a man before and yeah I can't get over it. 
I've had suicidal feelings in the past but reached out but I feel like this time I can't. I have a date, an idea of how I want to spend my day. The only thing I don't have is how. I know suicide isn't pretty, I don't expect it to be. 
The only thing that is keeping me holding on at the moment is my mum. She's gone through so much in life and I know how much this would hurt her. She's like my best friend. But, I'm in so much pain. 
I can't sleep anymore, I'm so tired, I just want to go to sleep. I just want these feelings to stop, I don't want flashbacks anymore. I want to wake up happy but i can't and when I'm with my family and girlfriend and friends and I have to try and be happy it drains so much energy from me. 
Im also at uni, my mum isn't just downstairs she's a whole train ride away and all I want is a hug from her but I'm alone. I feel so alone. 
I so want there to be a light at the end of the tunnel but I feel like I'm stuck in darkness.  ",-1.1882252483536109,0.4757768858131541,1.5606853443464672,100.47777095658002,88.10034602076124,4.697890389552407,17.28105815381181,5.843745405466311,-0.689344100904119,956,23,254,7,31,331,126,289,0.152,0.657,0.191,0.7187,0,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,16,13,1,0,15,1,28,10,3,3,2,50,56,25,3,9,9,2,7,4,4,1,3,0,0,1,11,12,0,4,11,0,1,3,11,3,0,0,7,8,38,10,31,45,7,31,0,1,0,4,13,15,0,0,15,161,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361316307516868,0.0,0.07474780988448912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539396163619806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781800632948163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953596287472177,0.0,0.09809084699214962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060280324399338676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278654888360196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811506140986723,0.0,0.3308281727033248,0.2003246509012078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444291574020397,0.0,0.04883414181049648,0.0,0.05312107304417283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900079905069373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006141378456204,0.10551608996725273,0.1009634837325569,0.0,0.0,0.08308030248321456,0.0,0.0,0.15410576483944374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602052335792527,0.18265860072541806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390303331712643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748443950630081,0.0,0.0720897149987818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132641116638811,0.0994585166473884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922755366106913,0.0,0.0,0.09765610522835518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903656873408966,0.09509244633138214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987918303466034,0.0,0.09229020627921823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707471715134175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814498472152767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30672255430198403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419443776179707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450302456047272,0.10742984922911022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345989654106919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771224199602302,0.3859165985491458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434200652067751,0.10435575595916652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639830375334653,0.0,0.0,0.060191522582214226
suicidewatch,thatguy143rd,2019/01/22,"Scared and confused Please help me ,I'm scared alone and can't face Tommrow. I want it to be over ,I can't do it anymore can't hold it together ",-1.5978125,0.33940734375000403,0.5497499999999995,102.52025,100.5625,3.8100000000000014,18.9,5.6839178017228535,-0.4402325,113,4,28,1,5,37,22,32,0.312,0.551,0.138,-0.6511,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646347047868915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491553538859433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23598274625631144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864632812129848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7049599477382336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076579368723666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneAct8,2019/01/22,"These thoughts are relieving I don’t have what it takes to kill myself, but every day I imagine myself just not existing anymore. In all kinds of different ways, from me dying to never having had existed, and the occasional being in a new city where I know no one and no one knows me.

These thoughts are like a forbidden fruit to me, I want them but can never have them, and so once the thoughts come to an end with this realization, I suffer.

Life is unbearable, and it’s hard for me to enjoy today when all I look forward to is the tomorrow where my pain no longer exists. 

Just have to stick through it. I still have fight left in me. I hope I can last a few more rounds.",5.286617647058826,5.199956191176471,5.876764705882355,83.20794117647061,67.97058823529412,9.447058823529412,28.764705882352942,9.188382445141503,2.0808558823529406,526,16,112,9,8,171,88,136,0.192,0.7120000000000001,0.096,-0.9387,1,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,7,9,2,0,7,0,14,3,0,0,4,23,24,8,2,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,6,0,0,2,7,4,0,2,4,4,19,5,15,19,4,19,0,1,2,0,3,7,0,1,12,87,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793837594444823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581158554419208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665224817306062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772425833988307,0.18898047308513802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602054591110843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523986943960242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203241261005252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965405556174344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011625479029446,0.18835805893656385,0.19881317388472594,0.14744085132791734,0.0,0.0,0.19652599558119305,0.0,0.12776046831208718,0.0883685374750539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151893138995036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790106857771112,0.17469445008214035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263065600518786,0.24513712307001856,0.0,0.19246843281757314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444505211942914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359987968596643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307941136563748,0.0,0.0,0.17145251998726013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066873555856128,0.14357364718766605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cdeeter,2019/01/22,Excruciating mental and physical pain I feel like I have lost all will to go on. No one has given a shit about me ever since my illness progressed to unbearable levels last summer. I quit my job had massive surgery and can’t take the pain anymore. I’m useless. I can’t do anything all day and I’m just tired of trying. The only reason I’m still here is because I can’t think of the best way to finish me off. I don’t know what to do. ,1.0066666666666677,2.8953645053763424,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,81.36559139784947,5.423655913978496,22.161290322580648,6.42735559955562,0.4090774193548392,341,11,74,3,9,117,64,93,0.268,0.6659999999999999,0.066,-0.9623,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,5,7,1,0,4,0,11,5,1,1,3,11,21,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,1,10,2,9,17,3,11,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,7,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051355646133828,0.0,0.0,0.17021656204494254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609134873484626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707202439122766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339850199653788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710397052638905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045875086739144,0.14777076162900066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175552991652292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052626518768104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367710433687304,0.16860702651061807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105446493674568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257967485161561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845202969945054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016414391245866,0.15731563772571105,0.440197270461434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200060897196678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267204877704832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123243573136228,0.1711050767805357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651874133737241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552238433927032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253850902516634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377389488141913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043479725412322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418465791246642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mynameismoose,2019/01/22,"My medicines are making me hurt myself. Making me attempt suicide. I cant tell anyone and I dont know why. I cant tell my doctor. I cant tell my family. I just told my boyfriend that I've been using opioids again and had to force myself from committing suicide twice in the past week but he hasn't responded. 

every time my doctor and I talk (monthly) she asks about my medicines, asks if I've seen a change, and if I'm becoming depressed or suicidal. I say no every time, and it's a lie. I have no idea why I cant tell her. I want safely stop taking the medicine but I need her help.

I dont even know what I expect to get from saying this here. I'm just so unable to speak about this to anyone. I dont know whether to go back on the medicine or keep off it. I accidently stopped last weekend and I immediately felt like shit. 

I just took my third painkiller of today, so rn I can think clearly. I dont think I can tell anyone in person.  I'm going to write a letter to her because if I dont I'm just gonna keep having these suicidal urges.

Btw the painkillers are a separate medicine. I need to stop these too, but the one I'm talking about is more important rn",0.6344939271255079,2.6997442914979786,2.5425303643724706,93.75444331983806,83.8178137651822,5.419433198380567,21.24089068825911,6.67199483983844,0.3056267206477732,908,29,205,10,26,302,127,247,0.177,0.748,0.075,-0.9771,0,0,1,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,0,1,14,5,1,0,9,0,19,3,1,3,2,42,48,17,4,7,13,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,8,6,0,6,7,1,0,3,12,3,0,3,6,5,37,2,18,41,1,20,0,2,1,0,23,4,1,5,14,123,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998500337648266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604272375943007,0.0,0.0,0.06597671418775856,0.0,0.052304318788110864,0.09476195916756698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076751385540126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390144202479737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564469075107078,0.0,0.0,0.502798601041701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667164578898809,0.0,0.14458436823342785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088682341308782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238371572686555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482818875630934,0.0,0.0975269105210335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751150944632681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185319487673244,0.09686041409788898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525301497506117,0.0,0.0,0.14146418998138569,0.06994037063614712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041918696263043516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454747551302512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848662059414641,0.0,0.0,0.12724271702056272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058141895851050236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190805591104666,0.0,0.07491930621721432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646695197561853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807488366839403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152038304911457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754153972419157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451269219329295,0.13792936448995802,0.37497519771793575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995736816696304,0.0,0.0,0.10006408558454384,0.0,0.08133059926343397,0.08198782650569532,0.09532957269712714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410568529123915,0.0,0.0,0.05060845162412138,0.0,0.06882547309529861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484655809317951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thepainbehind_thesea,2019/01/22,"I don't know how much longer I can hold on.  I know I basically can't do it because my parents hate the idea of giving up so ""easily,"" but I really don't know how much longer I can do this. At one point, I had a desire to see some good things happen, but now I feel like there is no hope for the things I desperately want to happen to actually happen. I try to make things better, but Im sure my efforts will never come to fruition. I feel so hopeless and so alone. Nobody wants to hear me complain, and all my friendly aquaintances have proved that they don't have the time of day for me at all anymore, and my family has proved the same notion years ago. I'm trying to find motivation, but I'm just so exhausted - more exhausted than ever, and I just feel like I'm falling apart completely. I was forcing myself to keep going and to be somewhat happy, but it feels like nothing is working. My chest just feels so hallow, and my body is shrinking. I can't keep any food in my body for longer than 30 minutes. I feel sick constantly. I feel like the walking dead. Nobody loves me, and it's understandable. I'm more miserable now than Ive ever been in all my years of living. I'm a waste of space at this point, and I just don't know anymore.",3.9090992647058798,4.467602281250001,5.125128676470592,85.13935661764708,71.109375,8.054779411764706,25.996323529411764,8.124751697461798,1.3871712316176477,968,28,208,13,17,322,129,256,0.16699999999999998,0.659,0.173,-0.0623,1,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,4,16,17,1,1,7,0,22,8,3,4,9,55,55,20,1,4,9,1,7,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,9,9,1,3,17,0,0,4,8,6,0,1,3,9,31,11,26,50,10,26,0,2,1,1,7,11,0,3,15,136,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.09969636356732772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905613469256342,0.0,0.0,0.10581007079084688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947435220855712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263651389555268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062277624526426836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035488287377172,0.0,0.2269601530426124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880043896308946,0.1071159754742573,0.11040192305647407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588669169681333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482458853461167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631019644979527,0.0,0.3615968234531135,0.2919411078096197,0.0,0.0,0.09337514310958207,0.0,0.12353592093246088,0.0,0.07893089047380036,0.0,0.0,0.0980040713341314,0.058061594676881226,0.08568948827421193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27102724518546306,0.10875442712959588,0.0,0.10086482453554936,0.0,0.0,0.11514514071476968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147092367493972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532960643459753,0.11035358537977913,0.0,0.0,0.18161436025216893,0.0,0.0,0.22458448076499152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964675093717604,0.0,0.09021181225652447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220610800861698,0.0,0.06819460453494905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020313927103082,0.0,0.07879441383178729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802816639513354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922830165774736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134399358399703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315413871593756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544824220795008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141069432919808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962874307715982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361769896249174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059572074495987726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872395944036978,0.0,0.0,0.10635529958104288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051678412556972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437589027267412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315792617459648
suicidewatch,bassmentparty,2019/01/22,My suicide attempt should have worked but I’m going to succeed this time I don’t give a fuck anymore. Year later and life’s still shit. I thought about reaching out for help but realistically where has that gotten me?? Right fucking here. Regretting not taking more heroin. Not buying more Valium. Not buying a 26 of vodka instead of wine. I feel nothing now. I’m numb to this bullshit. Realistically it’s stupid that I haven’t tried and succeeded already. It’s my own fault. I’ve depressed the people around me. Everyone looks down on me including family. My biggest regret wasn’t ODing; it was surviving. I’m constantly reminded of the toll this had on everyone. Right. Maybe I’ll wait till the 26th so I can do it on the anniversary of the OD. One thing will be different: this time I will cease to be. ,1.923129032258064,4.697511425806454,3.495725806451617,83.80358870967744,86.35483870967742,6.712903225806452,23.87903225806452,7.908726449838941,1.7499612903225803,641,25,119,14,20,211,101,155,0.211,0.6629999999999999,0.126,-0.9604,1,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,5,8,11,4,0,7,0,14,6,1,0,0,15,27,6,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,4,1,1,2,2,2,1,6,9,0,1,5,2,12,2,16,17,3,19,0,3,1,2,2,10,3,0,8,77,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008586404228454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805104760266519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620323926509581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669410317090252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676969130024565,0.0,0.0,0.19016746701028864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34784723814626256,0.0,0.0,0.17158802303847231,0.0,0.09203251036821054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365408104562092,0.0,0.17460586178651466,0.10344360838533327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200115904486016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856293693376605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284718588843088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285904346424486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464878999178002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333841958214713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618663613803474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31088050055543753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683630448464225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535782070700468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990954246712332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685301075311504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092301649088452,0.0,0.0,0.14449998291634408,0.21226941420258846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357658288471317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250945843794534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721202026423536
suicidewatch,Sayble_XIII,2019/01/22,"Confessed to my boss that I wanted to kill myself and he laughed... I have been stand in my in the back of the store for nearly 2 hours before my shift starts. I came in in a very upset mood, seeing how yesterday was the day I had a breakdown after I got home from work and passed out. I never showered, never changed from my previous clothes, have not eaten, and I feel like my whole body is vibrating.

I came in and went to get a drink, then went to the back. My assistant manager asked me if I was okay, but I ignored her, to avoid conversation. I walk into the back and shortly after, she comes in asking me what's wrong and why I didn't say anything. Naturally, I stare at her blankly and say, ""I want to kill myself, and this is not a joke"".

She and I go into VERY little conversation, and my manager comes in the back and is staring at me. I look at him and he says ""What's wrong with you this time?"". So I proceed to reply with exactly what I said to the AM.

He scoffs, tries to play it off by saying some dumb shit, then carries that into his life experiences. As soon as he laughed, I drown him out and stared blankly at the boxes on the floor. At this point, after about 10 minutes of rambling, ""Well I cant have you being a liability so I'll be back."".

I haven't seen him since, and I'm supposed to clock in to work in less than 20 minutes. I've yet to make progress and I still want to die. I really hate putting myself out here, being this low and weak, but I'm at my wits  end with everything and done want to go on anymore.",3.95284375,4.050316096875001,5.105,86.96000000000002,70.84375,8.15,26.9375,7.908726449838941,1.32673125,1181,35,268,14,20,392,168,320,0.17600000000000002,0.762,0.062,-0.9931,1,1,1,0,0,3,47.0,0,2,0,3,14,20,5,2,14,1,18,6,2,3,3,50,45,27,4,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,10,30,2,2,2,3,1,11,7,12,1,0,14,12,47,7,55,28,3,65,1,1,6,0,24,30,2,2,24,186,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103113760869721,0.0,0.0,0.08556132091403902,0.0,0.19440235043057705,0.0,0.0,0.3997459690798266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847377966387637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549110522032545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23783594118456916,0.0,0.0,0.10999016314706424,0.17912790569547946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705429778192948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790806449730604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064009763085207,0.0,0.10185443441183432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208964876174767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344466611576344,0.1017060215052914,0.0,0.0,0.05257211922119485,0.074278680085858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054321855755008634,0.0,0.1181810577793994,0.0,0.08315709593455785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265229298887248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429388521920267,0.0,0.10239294110414414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300625174373921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343954892534918,0.050796193980034036,0.10420874906713434,0.0,0.0,0.08731154292110134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940311012502327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603815263010023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828855267821117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452207238366773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660807834320187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989025960898164,0.330735561092768,0.0,0.0,0.08285340786730855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672729055108852,0.08600794310823459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359296944354421,0.0,0.0830333612477586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062777656408644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059117286240041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157803197665045,0.2453050266255004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348465177622288,0.19276892874388413,0.09381990022643263,0.11608268543792175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138787411240487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273573726127145,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frick9099,2019/01/22,"Frick it I want to kill myself. Everything I do is a cry for help. I pray that someone will see my depression meme on facebook and maybe message me. Get a look into my brain then call the police on me or something. I want help. I want to be thrown in a hospital but ive put myself there too many times, the hospital people wont take me seriously. When I tell one of my best friends that I want to kill myself I pray that something happens, that im forced to get healthy against my will. I frequently self harm. I havnt done it in about 3 months and i just started again. i missed it greatly. I have legit tried to kill myself approximatly 6 times, obviouslt=y each time ending in failure. After every attempt i woke up in my room or bathroom floor, cold, tired, and upset that I even woke up in the first place. I think I might give myself five months to live or a week. IM not too sure yet, i guess what happens will happen when it happens.  I want my cries to be taken seriously. MY cries for help are far different from attention seeking because i hate that shit. but ive suffered too long. existence is pain. i deserve to suffer but at the same time i dont want to put up with it. hence death.  I am giving myself sometime between a week and or 5 months. I have recognised why all my previous attempts have failed so my next try will be THE successful one. ",1.8517562289562264,4.001178552727275,3.2287676767676783,90.05485521885521,79.83636363636364,6.110437710437712,24.003367003367003,7.2427474758485975,0.9654902356902352,1062,38,222,14,27,346,154,275,0.263,0.6,0.13699999999999998,-0.9949,1,0,2,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,0,6,12,20,5,1,10,0,21,4,2,0,2,30,46,15,4,6,9,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,12,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,15,0,4,4,3,44,5,30,33,4,39,2,5,2,0,10,16,1,7,21,147,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055947344215356895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631591215412318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245520012591773,0.09371614759480597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30244323947454593,0.0,0.0,0.07904871931746489,0.0,0.0,0.09588903695816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392130804034604,0.10756376167496956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128854234946281,0.0,0.0,0.060618858015372985,0.0,0.07732737568464626,0.0,0.08248463102009222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806677657232898,0.0,0.0,0.07090786991543765,0.0,0.09590099498515296,0.17608467102371128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118616090042164,0.10110440556059634,0.0,0.3246378281859839,0.0,0.0,0.09061230418506663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455165595635956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827313818051656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046180587589836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104212951258666,0.08122111702344763,0.07707085595147829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304903117019524,0.09220387615474344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736252397190844,0.0,0.0,0.2197702575221123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976075151607862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243830236539298,0.0,0.09765883409239924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636276814667361,0.0,0.09588903695816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452555790271746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313561127422427,0.0,0.09574503010539104,0.0,0.09420934919896563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776365645315225,0.14131120314468387,0.09077131973065096,0.0,0.06496132077462312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650018484094596,0.0,0.06900603774267969,0.0,0.08021848652282039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058807980568233324,0.0,0.0,0.2140672116378253,0.10548592695819807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246232040599779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248001536574325,0.0,0.14723841255428893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281585428249177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Russianhacker9456,2019/01/22,"Life is but an illusion Hi people i'm 13 years old and live in the Netherlands.
I feel fucked up because my life is nothing but setbacks my parents are divorced, my mother is in a shit ton of debt and has a relationship with a guy that has murdered 2 children.
I haven't seen her for 1.5 years back when i was 11 and my sisters all lived in a small village 200km away from my home.
My father will never be able to work anymore because he was almost dead 1 year ago.
He has a relationship with my stepmother who is only complaining about what i do or even when i do nothing. She and my father always say that refugees should return to their own country although some of them have lived here for 20 years. I despise my stepmother, my parents and my life.
My question is should i just end it or not? And if not what should i do to help me out of this fucked up shit!",4.601246169560781,4.7670549775280895,5.238886618998979,86.323937691522,69.4494382022472,7.821041879468847,30.226762002042904,7.348242739294969,1.640712359550562,678,25,145,6,11,219,109,178,0.217,0.765,0.018000000000000002,-0.9922,3,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,7,7,6,0,7,0,21,7,2,0,2,26,26,14,2,4,8,6,1,0,0,4,3,1,1,2,7,9,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,3,3,25,0,19,18,4,20,0,0,1,2,23,8,4,6,12,104,32,1,0.1342183325210118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897645350909698,0.0,0.13440027222182935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168040466392427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331085203190339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610254160082116,0.1032056129054232,0.0,0.16363649947057218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887760450191552,0.0,0.0,0.08864994278688654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786482173228507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816537130055746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289725097198055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996371908780931,0.0,0.13463193101249546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844071327017531,0.0,0.0,0.3555517398296892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351745233794224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575722198847133,0.0,0.14083956202708472,0.0,0.0,0.1020790899919286,0.0,0.0,0.2980671491916341,0.0,0.0,0.09305009210595716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035524973194636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882005186376621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067358051501136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755463791271071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977125446079218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457288224905773
suicidewatch,GloomShakes,2019/01/22,"Alone, in need, but not an emergency yet I would like to talk to a text service of some kind but I don't feel my situation is dire enough that I want to occupy the time of the suicide hotline workers.

Is there a chat service of some type for people who are only a little suicidal?

​

I'm sorry if this makes no sense.",3.2664179104477604,4.457486388059703,4.782268656716422,84.64295522388062,73.17910447761193,7.748059701492537,26.832835820895525,8.238735603445708,1.6762262686567169,256,9,53,4,5,86,53,67,0.263,0.591,0.146,-0.8942,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,10,3,2,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,8,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,3,36,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132316638780426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419995534576081,0.2713946091458786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078018061738245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293243441055713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23258457979169134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911749288287016,0.22385530378782556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908781114768094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561114140767216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698676846257543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484271755853152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510546768432926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500219582451368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886171397078938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952021162142712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023713903321682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173757421403154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586613804872364,0.0,0.2713946091458786,0.0
suicidewatch,0000dreamer,2019/01/22,"I think I will try to guarantee my death this time I'm not sure why I keep holding on. I'm a 17 year old girl, and I will be turning 18 in February. If I'm going to die, I would like to die before I become an adult. I have no reasons to make it to that age when I know that I'll just keep failing. I will never change.

I've tried to kill myself five times in the past few months. I talked to somebody on the suicide hotline on Christmas day. He was an absolute angel to me in that moment. I wish I could thank him. We talked for over an hour and I felt understood for once. He didn't even know the whole thing, just a small portion of my life, yet I felt so understood. It was surreal to have someone be patient with me and not berate me, even if I'd just sit there crying for minutes in silence. 

Unfortunately, I don't think it was enough. I feel horrible for that. I feel horrible in general. I feel dirty and disgusting. I feel dumb. Clearly I'm too dumb to kill myself, something millions of people have done before. I'm thinking I should put myself in a dangerous situation and allow myself to die. I don't want anyone else to get hurt. It has to be me. I deserve the worst any human could possibly get. I'm absolutely worthless.

I have nothing left to live for. I keep making excuses. I have been making excuses for five years about why I should keep going on. I've fallen out with a lot of my family because they know that I will always let them down. I will always be known as the dirty and disgusting failure. Funny, I did have some grand dreams and ideas for the future. But they're too grand. They will never happen. 

My parents will be relieved when I die. I just have to work up the courage to get out there and kill myself or get killed. I can't take this anymore. It's too painful. maybe they'll think I'm brave if I can accomplish something for once. My father said I'm too sensitive and weak to kill myself. maybe I will prove him wrong. 

If I go through with it, I just wonder how my one best friend will take it. She has been with me since 2009, and I'd say that's a pretty damn large chunk of time for a teenager. I've had suspicions that she has only been putting up with me, though. I don't think I'm a good person or a good friend. But I know her. I don't want her to end up like me. I don't want her to think that it's her fault. 

I wish I could make up my fucking mind. I wanna live in a dream where I don't have to feel anything forever, and that sounds pretty close to death. ",1.4475126742712303,3.218893819391635,3.0635979087452485,92.61609394803551,79.43726235741445,6.132382762991128,21.41460709759189,7.083569544072883,0.4365869455006335,1943,55,438,23,48,641,227,526,0.234,0.659,0.107,-0.9974,1,0,2,0,0,5,59.0,1,0,4,4,21,34,12,0,19,0,51,4,0,7,5,90,107,25,12,16,15,2,7,2,2,13,3,3,0,4,20,20,0,5,24,2,0,6,13,20,0,4,15,10,77,14,62,70,8,49,1,3,0,1,29,23,4,9,21,283,97,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230395669415323,0.0,0.0,0.04589133958032695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692585662863558,0.04718628466869025,0.06914519043829538,0.055533467581349284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113753528523486,0.07453062250453928,0.11484759052982654,0.0,0.07082014866547044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138897686644505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616411153202676,0.0,0.07412785247841278,0.043521507525626835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28015037344025084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905941966919332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637410650118028,0.0,0.059770670548977424,0.06972886795594167,0.0,0.08914490743149711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361777821342779,0.0,0.17060933884986434,0.0,0.12959017882909687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427572717013738,0.062387742047036565,0.14103012825434413,0.0,0.11505790006763987,0.1132045216643834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059675755387586335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645800946760501,0.0,0.07224286890362942,0.07618106487222036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399310253077699,0.3733044679917012,0.0,0.1483494605364336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332141239986349,0.06900682001408724,0.04766584673853033,0.0659384114576776,0.0,0.11917897119768905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737236535165071,0.0,0.0,0.18018400487505296,0.0,0.13559321758511775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813946209419491,0.0,0.053864973993287116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409542765745956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475258465125742,0.0,0.07081296008153923,0.14373621899783154,0.045728810689848916,0.05132451720751716,0.07180758603887813,0.0,0.07493284143153722,0.0,0.06442098125464127,0.04678481218661799,0.05892430442582361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607791360812025,0.0,0.1373106949864695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356798388862052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938464849913388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419260543187688,0.05366587484781028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558233471540056,0.07585468719409183,0.0,0.0,0.05717885640713472,0.10390474627690674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738163908281806,0.0,0.06360274032626935,0.0,0.10147892995980794,0.10848194241018247,0.0,0.06213007243923192,0.0,0.0,0.04483327861578615,0.2594455993871885,0.06630255076951334,0.0,0.11805114606868612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163422368436834,0.07340306225770696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941118894133998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217873761660249,0.07534332078626255,0.15520621937260368,0.0,0.07318336855403115,0.04912905451563205,0.0,0.0,0.04793859862708088,0.07378300817757275,0.0,0.08691478783977857
suicidewatch,throwaway_yeet04,2019/01/22,"i'm 14 and have already lost any sorta purpose in life hi, i'm a 14 year old girl and lately haven't been feeling the best.

back in september i went through a bit of a breakdown and for a while i was doing better. i didn't feel depressed, i started making friends, my grades went up and i had a generally optimistic attitude. 

lately though i've been kiiinda miserable. 

for one, i'm fuckin ugly. i look like what many would describe as a school shooter, i'm overweight, disgustingly pale and my face is pocked with acne. 

everything's been going downhill for me. a guy i've been 'chatting' with just suddenly cut me off, and none of my friends talk to me anymore. i'm homeschooled so there's not much for me to do. i'm also broke, so i can't go spend away the sadness or whatever. 

my parents blame my feelings on teenage angst. i don't think it's that tho.

I've been trying to numb it with cheap weed i bum off of my parents but it's not enough. 

I'm not really scared of death anymore. i feel like i'd be perfectly fine if a car just kinda plowed into me while i was crossing the street or if i took too much of my allergy medication. 

not really sure where i'm going with this or why i'm even posting. i can't get a job because i've never had any sorta work experience and i'm a stoner. i don't have purpose. i just feel alone.

​",1.2829642857142858,3.3529076535714317,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,81.39285714285714,6.2857142857142865,24.642857142857146,7.447530270364453,1.1858928571428566,1053,41,224,16,28,357,152,280,0.117,0.775,0.108,0.1246,4,1,0,1,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,5,13,19,3,2,13,0,22,6,1,1,3,40,49,21,1,3,13,2,5,2,2,1,4,0,0,2,6,12,1,0,6,1,2,8,12,10,0,1,14,6,27,9,26,33,6,29,0,5,1,1,9,10,1,8,12,133,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224789309327115,0.13025373782514413,0.0943919527637439,0.0,0.12789006826107818,0.14342454187807038,0.1605346847995995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341165325979498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089707000202964,0.09076105789528796,0.0,0.07195258757796902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386967069867212,0.10439170845884543,0.12886283815611044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166273268883703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196094013715254,0.0,0.07796051361148187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608157939480102,0.1154601524486892,0.0,0.0,0.29840833462913596,0.08432369686149202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238594848823295,0.0,0.061668027654023336,0.0,0.2012447652430327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687247185524655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713078719389412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26629556645376834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337108648225547,0.11533115176357155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911904828246726,0.0,0.12884833484170266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787887831698485,0.11966821049712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890709620149807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735375203384431,0.0,0.09103529566193763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385709733443707,0.0,0.0799830673661842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26212614820917146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304419062609755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123153508507278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817288260659235,0.11945696974036828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354525469921434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124589044514968,0.0,0.0,0.0948714648042906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563158593965646,0.11596805831482156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114040268926222,0.08013751260342519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218837877745335,0.10650755798466807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593034495500275,0.0,0.0,0.0838481496804251,0.0,0.14342454187807038,0.07601019167167831
suicidewatch,FuckIt0461,2019/01/22,"I don't want to exist anymore Last year I tried to kill myself. I took my Uncle's gun, walked to a park, sat there for two hours and didn't pull the trigger because I'm a coward. I thought I was doing better since then, but I'm not. I can't get a job, every place I apply to never sends a reply back. My grades are slipping. My Dad is dying of end stage liver cirrhosis but still gets drunk and yells at me everyday. I've never met my Mom because she never even wanted me and left when I was 2. Yesterday my girlfriend said she never truly loved me, she just kept on with the relationship because she didn't have the courage to break up with me sooner. I'm never going to have enough money for college, and even though I don't need college for my dream job I'm never going to be talented enough to be successful. Nothing in my life ever goes the way I want, it seems I can never be happy. The moments where I am happy always end too soon and leave me worse off than before. It sucks. I just want to stop existing, I was to die through some way that isn't my fault (medical condition, getting shot in the head by a crazy person, etc). I don't want to take my Uncle's gun again and do it myself, I think that would hurt some of the people around me more. They'd know that in the end I'm just a stupid fucking coward that can't deal with life like everyone else. I want to fucking blow my brains out without doing it myself.",4.423348247576435,4.352965369127517,5.517673378076067,84.9908426547353,69.80536912751677,7.9645041014168525,25.95152870991797,7.3871296695380915,1.1604378821774786,1112,28,237,10,18,370,162,298,0.223,0.7140000000000001,0.063,-0.9931,3,0,0,2,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,2,16,15,5,0,14,0,25,10,3,1,8,43,56,11,3,8,7,2,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,1,8,11,1,2,4,2,1,6,17,7,0,1,11,2,41,8,33,40,6,46,0,1,0,3,15,12,3,3,25,159,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541509551228752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988498746550361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068384673854911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696922721411025,0.0,0.16574969808722334,0.0,0.07712321332320322,0.0,0.0,0.08015877650503013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117798396869256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934401041787955,0.0,0.0,0.18812843102525767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571342544563647,0.0,0.24082557521426726,0.18729916172703465,0.10108133307647753,0.11972635526438916,0.08198401909101853,0.07636340534933024,0.08660506949211767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675801160981951,0.14205822624812167,0.0,0.10301925569936801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929640444643732,0.0,0.0,0.09301705986764802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925664382788162,0.0,0.09702601793962476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798813474967712,0.0,0.10027355379981376,0.0,0.04981030528612677,0.07387914666608733,0.0,0.09596876102186323,0.0984745592586838,0.0,0.12803553820459368,0.04427939802292077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180109994262301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130463989901652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614993377431907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720427177787301,0.4893199487522511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869661675312335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283449280753467,0.07913847698831691,0.09469367520831642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730744486982937,0.0,0.0,0.08621408563567765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251016924235342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749737263291649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238076249011137,0.07577443094905031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814580198848935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580748747535629,0.08904785452232354,0.07195360313206073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069817215504633,0.06153481974077887,0.0,0.08853665570904383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207511644054409,0.1438827630528506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736834368725792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923642140336088,0.0643840894053689,0.0,0.0,0.05836559297922185
suicidewatch,uhgageuh,2019/01/22,"residential was feeling unsafe and wanted to go to a hospital. Told I’d have to go to residential because it’d be my 5th hospitalization in 3 months.
I don’t want to end up in residential, but still feeling unsafe. I’m afraid I will kill myself. ",3.535,5.3033118367346965,6.285459183673472,71.81757653061227,73.48979591836735,8.981632653061224,28.5765306122449,9.516144504307137,2.7960571428571432,196,8,37,5,4,71,35,49,0.13699999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.087,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,14,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,8,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192153721105395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079108238995813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35156013213656906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951500234768438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846183596368776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774874092806428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776302333294263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321902785134754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101007760947242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foxtrotwhat,2019/01/22,"I just can't First of all, to the person who is following me and down voting all my posts, fuck you, get a fucking life lol. 

Now to the post: I went to try to get therapy and I'm apparently starting a long term plan now. I had a ""crisis plan"" meeting which is supposed to be a plan for when you're feeling suicidal and I just...can't. Nobody understands, definitely not the person handling the crisis stuff. I can't communicate my feelings to anyone, absolutely no one in the world. A lot of people are well intentioned and want to help, but I am TRAPPED within myself. Killing myself is the ONLY WAY I can escape. Nobody seems to understand this. 

When I kill myself it's going to be 100%, I'm not going to try to explain to someone why I need to fucking die. And I don't want to stop myself from self harming, that shit feels good sometimes and helps me more than any human being ever could.

I don't even know why I'm posting this I just wish someone understood. I was made to believe that therapy would give me that, but nope, they're just regular people trying to help, they don't have special abilities to fix the fact that I am not meant to live. ",4.200568181818183,5.1347326796536805,5.4674648268398265,81.57834009740259,70.68831168831169,8.199242424242426,28.29031385281385,8.472884824447931,1.9886469696969693,903,32,178,14,16,302,132,231,0.206,0.684,0.11,-0.9854,1,1,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,1,4,10,10,6,0,12,1,20,5,1,2,4,38,49,10,4,6,8,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,10,6,0,1,10,0,0,4,10,7,1,2,6,3,25,3,26,38,5,22,0,0,0,3,13,4,4,2,10,122,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571585794217839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785238041570124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254434441850483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889691633270806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555462355114768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353983571930185,0.10071452158127916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688924217348803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470679772305493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30879953324733844,0.11634239983104284,0.10680865826016636,0.12655557956853045,0.09338774547809403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388904880580154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24636516019032936,0.0,0.06119023100270645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864360712397615,0.0,0.0,0.0983163504859592,0.09853348938589004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465833650745206,0.0,0.10535376879863864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255811504937839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544770245803972,0.08468002654472903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437998654072962,0.19443774376810413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199023770838895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136087877819557,0.11615319086190055,0.0,0.11429017784461225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886781344197138,0.0,0.11011932853178186,0.0,0.07880789929535036,0.0,0.0,0.093086258099334,0.0,0.0,0.12745907606696574,0.12178923981872188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546568117124943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678017006835435,0.0,0.0,0.23182030486019306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313438904634492,0.08837748993845021,0.0,0.0,0.10010914192684137,0.1032144404458003,0.20093629336743996,0.0,0.1280369255422257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909361890039872,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydaysleeper,2019/01/22,"I'm tempted to walk out of my joh right now and kill myself. It's not a terrible job, I just don't feel like I can be here today. But they're assholes about attendance so if I try to go home I'll probably be fired. Nobody believes me, they just believe my abuser because they made me seem crazy for so long when I was trying to protect myself from them. It's not fair and I hear that thing people say in my head: ""who says life is fair?"" But why should I want to live in a world where life is never fair when you need it to be?",1.6691497584541075,2.7443585043478294,3.2455072463768104,94.55251207729471,77.0,6.154589371980678,20.60386473429952,6.42735559955562,-0.005338164251207811,408,9,98,3,9,135,81,115,0.203,0.7440000000000001,0.053,-0.9586,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,1,3,0,10,3,1,0,2,0,9,3,1,1,1,17,17,9,1,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,5,17,1,12,11,0,15,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,7,63,23,1,0.0,0.21853868593629108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243674289980952,0.0,0.0,0.4156156007114801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326158329886032,0.13176846231003433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048250738957978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892951003771592,0.0,0.2078843674780052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501466191629365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303447657252292,0.0,0.20406248551306927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26055973055660725,0.09011113773446897,0.0,0.16286944819015378,0.16322915735996685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745275338656699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676458264825211,0.14225634515308905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787182953400436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988642906102292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751611893745016,0.0,0.2933581767074089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791296984758822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253791546155085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483351071477451,0.0,0.0,0.25045383924400894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879119727895617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643408273582905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamnotagarlicbread,2019/01/22,"Hello, guys! I'm 13, and I have been through a lot of tough shit. First, it started when my dad abused me and my mom. I got adopted shortly after when my dad and mom started picking up an addiction to crack/cocaine. When my mom died in 2016, I attempted suicide 9 months later twice. Since then, I've attempted suicide 7 times, and when I was in boy scout camp when I was ten, I was raped in a bathroom.

My point is that I've been through a lot of shit, and if ANYONE wants to talk, just talk to me. I know how it works. People tell you to talk to them if you feel sad, but you don't. I've been through so much. To everyone battling depression who's reading this, bookmark this page, and if you feel sad, or depressed, i'm here. I can understand whatever you may throw to me, and i'll try my hardest to cope with you.
 
                          -Mark",3.070562015503878,3.774186250000003,4.0639534883720945,91.45527131782947,73.12790697674419,7.36124031007752,28.286821705426355,7.492282038375204,1.3431031007751937,633,24,146,7,12,205,100,172,0.214,0.7859999999999999,0.0,-0.9875,0,0,1,0,1,2,29.0,0,6,1,4,9,9,4,0,4,0,11,4,2,2,0,24,21,20,3,4,6,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,9,0,3,7,2,24,0,19,13,4,20,0,4,0,1,20,6,2,7,13,92,30,2,0.0,0.16506249700605666,0.0,0.15187115614470145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741051855419604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399792534208097,0.0,0.14458434978286233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311903567341507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088114191860684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849911624474295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142090910016568,0.0,0.0,0.13794124847652414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656249045433877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368769611265184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894832451622355,0.11119788483953176,0.0,0.10241069532033878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658172597307874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316953143982353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935017043919787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860044980011851,0.1152407152180546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721216732324093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047704628096484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359222601908113,0.12176523966809215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123422187336089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458402276295676,0.0,0.0,0.1450291949150789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217010456619105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014211377320104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ithinkmylifeisover,2019/01/22,"Paycheck= Gun= Blow My Brains So I want to kill myself. I'm depressed. I've always been depressed but I managed my thoughts and emotions really well. I like to think I'm logical and rational, so hear me out. I think I should kill myself.

3yrs ago ish, I got a traffic ticket. It was my fault and I payed for it in full and didn't contest it. 2yrs after that I get a new car, find out insurance went up thru the roof because of the ticket giving me a point on my license. I didn't know, my belief was if I payed it would've gone away. Fast forward, I couldn't pay the insurance for the car, so I didn't get plates, I got two tickets for that, couldn't pay for tickets, and now car got repossed. It became a cycle of I can't afford this because of that because of this and that, and this and that. 

Can't afford any of this. I'm losing my job because I can't get there anymore. Warrants out for me because I can't pay tickets and can't drive anything because I can't afford insurance and warrants aren't payed off.

I don't want to deal with this, if this was a video game I would've delete game save and started new. I think that's what I should do. I get my last pay check on the 25th. I think I'll buy a shotgun and some ammo or if I can get suggestion on less messy or painful ways. ",1.947272727272729,3.2134899636363663,3.402090909090912,92.93513636363636,76.63636363636363,6.0181818181818185,24.5,6.351523495107088,0.5528181818181817,1000,33,228,7,22,329,122,275,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.09,-0.8528,4,0,0,2,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,2,0,11,0,21,2,1,0,0,39,45,21,2,9,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,18,16,0,0,9,8,9,7,13,7,1,1,13,1,36,3,26,28,3,28,1,3,0,0,6,13,0,6,10,140,54,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068093679850972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002594470305134,0.0,0.0,0.08193906012311733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949622391140124,0.0,0.0,0.09915509507035723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320670916340847,0.0,0.0,0.44070680976574417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450952565206895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422251953407942,0.20756009896477665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553789139733635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012800007537676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147618990827387,0.11558742525948415,0.0,0.0,0.28910667805549184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580385146434265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957025518976812,0.0,0.2666142895520367,0.0,0.06621954968676604,0.09821750329310748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886656949070259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480033320223006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327448949419001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821255957099773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139043984013194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719060750837828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528524108476218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088270214129669,0.0,0.09565761884764876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770370484876462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213924572719522,0.09564137102067848,0.0,0.0,0.108337265430993,0.11169779318515932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118888884238515,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway75901246,2019/01/22,"I just want to die The thoughts are consuming me more and more. I feel less and less bad about it (hurting those I love) everyday.

Its getting scary, but I'm so stuck i don't know what else to do",-0.2964285714285708,1.8163650714285708,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,88.76190476190477,5.2647619047619045,20.304761904761907,6.742157984588678,0.03638476190476192,151,5,38,2,5,48,33,42,0.236,0.736,0.027000000000000003,-0.8315,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,11,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,3,9,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342101471587507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154188261429619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33437564062463465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238939653358196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912544077941794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284991296439765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997885634848333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612608336780872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317771016182707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360906172362063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garbagethrowawwwayyy,2019/01/22,"honestly i dont know what to do anymore throwaway or whatever. sorry about that. ive been suicidal ever since i can remember. never had any friends. haven't opened my mouth to anyone on my uni course. i have a partner who i love and im so terrified of worrying or hurting him. he's the only reason why im alive. last year i attempted suicide and honestly i sometimes wish i had managed to do it. ive been failing my course at uni and the fact i live a long way away (2h 30m one way) and have no car isnt helping. im on a waiting list for a therapist but of course thats been taking fucking months. i feel like everything is up against me. i hate my existence and would kill myself in a heart beat if i didnt have some sliver of hope for a good future with my partner. he's the only good thing in my life, and i feel so bad for the fact that im incapable of being happy. i just want to be ok. im so tired of never feeling happy and having a family which insults and disregards my feelings all the time. i just dont know what to say or do. ",1.7759999999999998,2.9996772000000007,4.179222222222227,87.36350000000002,77.0,7.488888888888887,25.833333333333336,8.167268648758528,1.532333333333333,810,30,180,14,18,284,127,225,0.21600000000000005,0.625,0.159,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,3,7,18,4,0,12,1,24,6,2,1,6,38,38,16,3,5,7,0,4,1,3,1,2,1,0,2,9,10,0,2,8,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,6,5,26,11,23,29,2,20,0,2,0,2,11,8,1,6,10,117,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706304746441678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300429368321301,0.0726234996259106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975828083590618,0.0,0.08672135630729677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434535766623643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395012691104122,0.0,0.0,0.09334546379196502,0.0,0.09791289406919053,0.0,0.21006523133806027,0.07419982467356441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024437912736207,0.09601976915594547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423089345705284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211284182905071,0.0,0.10254331570390776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230782823407012,0.06961725154441296,0.0,0.0,0.10315950093681288,0.0,0.0,0.11118760461085199,0.0,0.5609498949095255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490913972947292,0.0,0.11416089513528095,0.08466229494863499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336158434786247,0.0507422679434565,0.0,0.0917130266873374,0.09191558166039923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374050950759164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290254140832641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021126275611802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038032956706103,0.15798514684473144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678857277492562,0.0,0.0,0.11765665377221547,0.0,0.0,0.08259611175787651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591663572627135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272326898331427,0.11626624532732499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22721876364440816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780921308354672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059307293023525,0.0690020334434664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060563413165169284,0.11937536306660365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061261151740032035,0.16488340043587207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937202995482145,0.0,0.11943744769997112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547802719162806,0.0,0.0737813715130355,0.0,0.0,0.06688443587461049
suicidewatch,MarkDonReddit,2019/01/22,"Quadruple depression? I've heard (and been diagnosed) with double depression, but there are times when I think I may have something more. For example when it rains or when it's really cloudy, I add Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD) to my already existential depression and chronic depression/dysthymia. Then when there's a pile of challenges (like with what I'm faced with currently) an additional situational depression pretty much breaks me. 

Anyone else think/experience more than Double Depression? ",10.452592592592588,12.062438703703707,9.520592592592596,55.658666666666676,57.02469135802468,14.381234567901235,42.125925925925934,13.348371206891418,6.838454814814815,409,21,54,16,5,129,60,81,0.26,0.6779999999999999,0.062,-0.9657,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,1,0,12,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,5,2,7,4,5,9,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,37,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970462491778908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248538416775957,0.1829566095395186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7689706449883881,0.1812354222205104,0.0,0.0,0.20464611146023312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916461037850234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746666955543585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872357724539362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126271094126402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166049618923255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143906011585323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007097861578167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374648039392646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288290620694612,0.0,0.0,0.10412022055848497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LookinForLuve,2019/01/22,"My best friend just mentioned in front of me (without me knowing) to my other friends that I'm no longer their friend And that I'm no longer a part of their squad...

Did I do something wrong?

I have no idea what to do other than feel so hurt and cry

I give up

I'm ending things tonight",1.8113114754098376,3.1728111147541043,2.3220983606557404,100.14380327868857,77.19672131147541,4.88,22.036065573770493,3.1291,-0.4541763934426229,222,6,54,0,5,68,41,61,0.232,0.586,0.182,-0.4078,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,9,4,8,9,2,5,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568467277065425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688429309987691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677307140158175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375136518494705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5672724459260088,0.0,0.0,0.2347834876928338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26200657337898137,0.2762894119024885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450647242989913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650369967208793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841808847694524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259893719250054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359272372235225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675922681308133,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nogorth87,2019/01/22,"Worthless me again I'm starting to feel like shit again. It's almost funny how they only last for just a couple days, these comfortable periods of inner peace. I remember now that life really is not worth living. I mean what's the point really? What's the point when you live a life of loneliness, hatred, shame, guilt, stress, while people shit on you for not living up to their expectations and being yourself (terrible mistake), while also being the laughing stock of society (out of several reasons). It doesn't get better. It will never get better unless you're willing to make a fucking change, which is not only a hard thing to do, but also impossible to achieve since I have 0 motivation to continue living in this world. Let's not say anymore pleasant lies and admit that such a person is no longer truly human, it's a disgusting, hopeless, toxic, unworthy abomination.

 IT FUCKING HURTS AND I'M TIRED.

I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time, i'm tired of being alone, i'm tired of not having a purpose or at a talent that would help me have a decent life, i'm tired of being inferior to literally EVERYONE I see, I'm tired of stupid assed college, of my asshole mother that doesn't even try to understand me and manipulates me like a stupid animal, tired of people looking at me like i'm a fucking ghost, i'm tired of seeing all my crushes everyday and knowing deep inside that i'll never be good enough for them.

It burns me from the inside all the time, but it's even more painful when i hear people talking about ""dreams""...

""What are your dreams, your goals in life?""

Well since my dreams are too fucking simple and apparently, too boring for this world, I have only one option left. This is my dream: to get up on high fucking building, to make thousands of cuts all over my ugly ass body and jump off, so hopefully when i hit the ground i'll be too messed up for my heart to continue beating.

Sorry for writing this boring mess of a post, but today everything went crashing down on me, and I couldn't stand it anymore. Sorry for being a bitch and for my poor English, it's not my first language and i'm too fuckin lazy to learn it properly. Good luck to you all.",7.81627583108715,6.64148431132076,8.008342318059299,73.60817610062894,63.198113207547166,10.71769991015274,33.86972147349506,9.725611199111238,3.0926636567834684,1724,58,319,28,21,565,213,424,0.299,0.583,0.118,-0.9985,1,1,0,0,0,1,57.0,0,5,3,7,20,43,14,3,20,0,25,26,7,6,7,53,59,24,1,5,12,1,3,4,0,3,13,2,0,2,25,11,0,0,10,4,2,2,12,28,1,3,1,8,31,15,52,45,7,48,0,4,3,8,17,23,12,5,25,207,56,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664905395362638,0.06877092401540094,0.0,0.1062009601462498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170296736123427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745174609731257,0.0,0.07375602021035348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024295663755782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347092379386479,0.0,0.04282284885022174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860949775731265,0.0,0.08771384802004344,0.0,0.0,0.06344855221243309,0.05967651508257477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714820644208627,0.09487310419550396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648025713337763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30693110138863355,0.1040746094676355,0.0,0.0,0.11138722889001583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059481832735388686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483822346637234,0.07868494808501324,0.04450687578195068,0.07015580588034366,0.0,0.06595070894164343,0.0,0.0,0.07108314099057507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649199491666811,0.054125294536942516,0.0,0.0,0.07214437043191338,0.067899040982385,0.18760263292809914,0.12975978029314314,0.0,0.2345315389968243,0.0,0.05575972203227782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864573913769637,0.0,0.0,0.07232964345475615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242436482582247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499471777531446,0.15150178619575216,0.07065484580081491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810130126401438,0.057978381850529725,0.0,0.0,0.12553992732082206,0.0,0.06359335320403789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507575995712964,0.0682708041180469,0.0,0.0,0.07521885679470239,0.0,0.0,0.05280436679886346,0.0,0.0,0.10582525145118096,0.0,0.0,0.07501369905414282,0.20447757038600886,0.10985440961951176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865991470852147,0.04699863709212045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076061583088987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053370231029730326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04411356184050374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743736636754568,0.6105411331317611,0.06293993869292289,0.0,0.0,0.04508160141319227,0.0,0.0,0.06912529375942746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970205110264613,0.06155395680575705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716903158490405,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JohnTheSuicidal,2019/01/22,"I have never thought of life being ""fun"", I just wanna die This is the first time in my life that I have ever talk about this thing.

At this point of my life, I can't take it anymore. I just want to end this tiring life already. I feel no joy in my accomplishment,   I lose interest very quickly, many mental problems that made me to this decision.

And in my life, I have never thought of life being fun, they always said, ""Live your life to the fullest"". But, how can I live something I don't even enjoy? I tried to do that but it only ended up on me being even more suicidal. 

I realized how worthless this life is, I can still remember my mom saying, ""Son, before you were born, we thought that we should just abort you but ended up not doing it"". And that's the end of it, I never questioned it because my age didn't even hit two digit before. But now I think to myself, why didn't I just die back then?, why bring me to this world when I will just ended up nothing but an empty shell.

My head is just filled with suicidal thoughts. I just want to stab myself, get run over by a car, shoot myself, and hang myself to death.

The only thing that keeping me alive is by reading books for some unknown reasons. But even then, I still want to kill myself.

I think I'm already beyond help.",3.2858923169993943,4.325687643678162,4.189590643274855,89.4921052631579,72.9463601532567,6.567533776971164,23.69852792901795,6.5966054737557815,0.5892329501915703,989,26,211,7,19,319,134,261,0.185,0.741,0.073,-0.9911,0,0,1,1,0,4,41.0,2,3,1,3,22,9,1,0,6,0,21,10,1,4,4,47,39,14,6,6,14,2,1,0,0,2,9,2,0,0,20,6,0,1,12,2,0,5,9,4,0,2,9,3,42,5,29,24,2,38,0,2,0,0,13,12,0,2,21,158,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869041287082286,0.0,0.07113819721598254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478748083048289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573992337112262,0.0,0.05211659827926319,0.0,0.1454988904289702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745939771471364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37861335204995855,0.0,0.0,0.2258730036710276,0.07733458771136215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043228542079041136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272150073676396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044667300122272366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774192891179812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730510029947228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599135907143705,0.0945868966591224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830978363459784,0.0,0.0,0.1509862591956298,0.0,0.0,0.0956463752009514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089687709339569,0.0,0.08667791198640314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861582559100743,0.0,0.0,0.10013001869195597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978156766678888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203419136354563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004470134803467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081985086926337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180660327158057,0.0,0.0,0.09577330454770994,0.0,0.08551754513791053,0.0,0.0,0.08790249166617267,0.0,0.0,0.09684849941276066,0.0,0.08132476111161542,0.06798858563975281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658177730322839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655189114825936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870340145826952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428115576023627,0.06871716759334974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359737305408515,0.1095627305236076,0.0,0.2714920441451981,0.049852477495385024,0.09826324656688692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804509180335433,0.0,0.08351561490295145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054184123655655,0.1512804527776045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429081288222826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stinkyratsxx,2019/01/22,"Life is so hard I recently got kicked out by the love of my life and am now  back to living with my dysfunctional family including a relative that abused me as a child. I'm stressed out everyday to the point that it makes my ulcers act up. I don't have insurance so I can't see a doctor until it's sorted out. I'm bipolar and trying to be strong during a mixed episode. My pet rats are with my (ex)?fiance and i have no idea if they're being cared for or safe. I can barely sleep from the pain, it wakes me up several times a night. I feel completely lost in life, I'm scared at the idea of losing this man that I care so much about.   
My family couldn't help me with my mental health even if they wanted to. I'm helping them with their debts and I have no idea if I'll have any resources left after. The fact that I most likely lost the love of my life over my mental illness hurts so much. I can barely force myself to eat, I feel nauseous all the time.   


I'm trying to stay strong until I can get insurance sorted out and get into a mental hospital but it feels like any sense of stability I had is slipping away. I lost so many of my friends and I feel so alone",2.4668549422336348,3.664667910569108,4.0415875053487405,89.14707958921696,75.17886178861791,7.455370132648696,21.48395378690629,8.032893268588372,0.7865073170731711,910,21,204,14,19,304,134,246,0.124,0.775,0.1,-0.2189,1,1,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,3,6,10,18,0,2,13,0,17,15,2,1,2,36,39,20,0,5,5,0,5,2,1,0,10,0,1,2,9,15,1,1,7,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,5,6,32,10,34,31,4,25,0,5,1,2,10,13,0,7,12,131,41,1,0.0,0.1227817849233896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732696233459046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094067090167575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736156062864212,0.07968324357740063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113105309422212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865158844741113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606726061231776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603692638764176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844506597410961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538179588286156,0.0,0.2095889542513974,0.07403159275769086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800624425028745,0.0,0.10828230922919936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082880474639876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282999338723152,0.0,0.0,0.11015131469597376,0.0,0.0,0.13891881922685745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093551097279604,0.3509489096837449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259171283295087,0.0,0.29278101183626665,0.10125444184047956,0.0,0.09150508740637482,0.0,0.0,0.11593280036862193,0.3393653673003376,0.0,0.1870559467032525,0.0,0.06917224133430891,0.1050621421415738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132968038217488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523564491601655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972475018679925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102670944529136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796159673550184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231977346845594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374932605841232,0.0,0.0825777967881158,0.0,0.0,0.11706971468289865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370245908157104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104532553096952,0.0,0.0,0.11870508910819436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208521976752591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071270398440924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112225544248436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KitchenAmbassador,2019/01/22,"shame I am uncomfortable with myself. I do not like what i have gone through, i am tired of being constantly reminded everyday, and every hour of things that i wish to 'get over it'. The past is the past, I have accepted that, but apparently not, because i lie awake with these thoughts and with the shame, with the guilt that i have for having people to deal with my nonsense. I want to move on, i have tried so much. I am just tired, of being chained, being beaten by myself, being reminded of myself.",5.590446735395192,6.0096930103092845,6.042835051546394,80.53304982817872,67.35051546391753,9.353264604810995,28.537800687285234,9.2995712137729,2.233221305841925,390,12,77,7,6,126,57,97,0.243,0.711,0.047,-0.9657,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,3,4,0,14,2,0,0,0,15,19,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,15,2,17,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956965289819914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474204531315615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604392148231626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929055817607924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962023193762025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547586405907136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185649718676577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433443434084126,0.16830924566962152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371294454434084,0.15872949005132486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210841124308755,0.0,0.0,0.18176575034179104,0.0,0.5263032380778963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544631811976356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504437473907965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632884787005097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grubgirl,2019/01/22,"I really wish I could let ppl inside my mind to show them why I deserve to die No one close to me ever believes me no matter what I say. No one really listens, they just look for ways to help. And I understand, but it makes it harder. The worse part is I’m too cowardly to admit to everything. I wish I could just show ppl so they would understand and let me go. Well, I’ve been working on isolating myself from everyone. The hardest one is my girlfriend. I love her more than anyone (besides my sister) and she’s closer to me than anyone. She doesn’t want to believe I should go but I know she’s in denial, and some time apart will help her see that it really will be for the best. Tomorrow instead of having her take me to work I’m just going to take the bus. Then when I come home I’ll move some of my stuff into the small room under the stairs. Then I think the strength to do it will come soonish. I know its not necessarily strong to kill yourself but it is for me. 
 I just want to talk to someone about why without them treating me like I’m wrong.",2.2793838383838363,3.74768000909091,3.81939393939394,89.44853535353535,76.18181818181819,6.8888888888888875,22.676767676767675,7.594959193182576,0.816555555555555,822,23,180,11,18,273,123,220,0.119,0.72,0.161,0.8513,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,5,11,9,1,0,7,0,17,1,0,1,1,37,42,11,2,8,9,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,2,0,9,8,0,0,6,2,0,6,6,2,1,3,1,4,36,7,28,31,5,23,0,0,2,1,19,10,0,2,7,128,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550129837392205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667203718455645,0.12419738741315567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038901221127148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889801570092246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282501914975308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705121666034777,0.0,0.11308518612380195,0.1063622349133828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177718995119956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865037596884893,0.0,0.1187112243086384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093290682919045,0.0,0.13008032156079988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420347011674143,0.0,0.05781813924100189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938128332888864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681236867993248,0.0,0.07899723129934577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949626386428235,0.0,0.0,0.12578363782664945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405840254876127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281577649615656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274474628790029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411391496540493,0.0,0.0,0.0943068662692818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027463532423436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547846877633152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796373229919193,0.09512246219992862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583168120684758,0.0,0.0,0.06900881646039324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464058339574073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396077055647679,0.09393797115606152,0.0,0.0,0.10640774809661452,0.0,0.2135786809933413,0.0,0.27218535006759914,0.11408183683867475,0.0,0.17231537442097988,0.0,0.12060523011438705,0.08406998316051596,0.12939335801770113,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PossibleEffort5,2019/01/22,I'm almost there No one treats me as a human. No future out there. Subdued emotions. I can't live on empty hope anymore. I'm doing it tonight.,-1.5030000000000001,0.03718870000000152,1.3066666666666684,94.60000000000002,112.0,2.0,18.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.7076666666666658,111,4,22,0,6,38,25,30,0.131,0.716,0.153,0.1652,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278765332141377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423764113523286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806519613489445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244026428688336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37731135337158217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895477159446118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lightlagon,2019/01/22,"Do you hate your life but you don't really have enough reason to hate it? Have you ever think about committing suicide, but you don't really have enough reason to do it? like... your life doesn't suck as others... but for some reason you just want to quit it... you're tired not with problems but tired of being alive at all?",1.4731648351648374,3.808603569230773,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,82.53846153846155,5.560439560439562,13.9010989010989,6.868970318607317,-0.5473516483516487,252,3,54,3,7,79,38,65,0.257,0.599,0.14400000000000002,-0.9273,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,7,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,0,9,4,0,3,3,17,14,5,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,9,13,4,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,1,2,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672501061349309,0.0,0.0,0.1607515988588586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509096260678843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25104792013542176,0.08682160386391795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004735736357726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901966955390745,0.0,0.0,0.2276950196041601,0.5481557410671503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943891974789824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387132606659353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085099426312334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481974228166753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neuroso,2019/01/22,I fought i succeeded now I’m back to who I was 4 years ago I’ve become a shut in I don’t socialize with anyone anymore. I’m about to get my associates degree from only taking online classes and I feel like I’m going down the same path I took sophomore year when I was at the peak of my depression. I’ve been thinking of self harm again but decided to use a rubber band to flick at me when I feel this way I’m just unsure of the future and if I will make something of it or if I’m just destined to live a life of a shut in and work from home. I’m just wondering if this is a sort of relapse .,0.5081328320802037,1.9986219624060202,3.105432330827071,92.5388001253133,81.25563909774436,6.237844611528822,20.8577694235589,7.1686216300943375,0.4142987468671677,463,13,110,6,12,162,81,133,0.076,0.893,0.032,-0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,8,0,6,1,0,2,0,21,23,10,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,2,12,2,20,17,1,19,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,6,10,67,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974321468051317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208832096565392,0.15573439824941898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712616666347274,0.0,0.0,0.2459821053595403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918325925092036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523275912116725,0.1591146819593253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636454487219905,0.0,0.12657966862395792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341119090665276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731715287598413,0.10881211460051414,0.0,0.1966701287648985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486705711755587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693922897061286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23235059977664854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703994276094136,0.0,0.17146447585679114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746137360939511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271309478561786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745551064007984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923627650502337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678862407118925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415356060272724,0.16214634814492224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868550104811535
suicidewatch,Glocklick,2019/01/22,"School bathroom floor breakdowns are great I'm not gonna kill myself but fuck I really want to. I can't do that to my family. But I want to so badly. I can't do anything else right now but think of how badly I want to die. Well type on Reddit I can do because I'm so lonely and I need to know I'm real and that I exist and I'm scared. I was supposed to go to class but I suddenly got so sad and self hating and scared I just slumped down on the bathroom floor crying. I'm not crying anymore but my head hurts. I wanna go home and skip school and cut. I'm such a failure. 

I'm so scared and frozen I can't leave this stupid bathroom. I feel scared to step out. I can't go to class because it already started. I don't know what to do I just wanna stop existing right this second ",-0.9537579281183924,1.0968105058139557,1.523044397463,98.06815010570827,92.19767441860463,4.057505285412264,16.53911205073996,5.565023196281405,-0.7053581395348836,605,15,143,4,22,205,85,172,0.371,0.56,0.07,-0.9972,0,2,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,10,16,5,4,2,0,12,2,1,1,0,31,35,18,2,6,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,1,4,0,0,4,7,14,1,1,2,1,20,2,17,32,0,16,0,3,0,1,1,8,1,0,4,83,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223301617330067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782397312905835,0.0,0.0,0.10606526125277244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523507267437286,0.15713995964440605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831586206178265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376718510092364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767082615866476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150576148776855,0.0,0.06517051747494704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915647351745533,0.0,0.0,0.21975300231329611,0.0,0.1030848870856262,0.1421013764233349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725191894827806,0.13227804215503022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928690282791475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797911597522236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142597383699716,0.0,0.14166884379635908,0.0,0.0,0.13647560817423027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557009765606962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670472417871402,0.08257005800687257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201422411820533,0.0,0.0,0.5161643973885066,0.2608865648355376,0.0,0.0,0.13446009259170352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122881048364057,0.0,0.0,0.10775758108903716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258733120279756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22806749701005555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588734147444177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anontheone,2019/01/22,"What’s the point in living when you have nothing to live for? Seriously,I accepted i’d off myself a long time ago but just haven’t found the balls to go through with it.The urge is always there and I think I’m ready to go.I’m just tired and want out of this life,prolonging something that’s inevitable,man I just want to leave peacefully :/",2.7050476190476154,4.510564457142864,3.2885714285714305,92.26476190476193,75.85714285714286,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,0.8608095238095244,272,8,60,4,6,85,54,70,0.117,0.7090000000000001,0.174,0.4678,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,9,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,11,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261458053438144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122777600856555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797225950062515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899777119819483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701320404029381,0.0,0.0,0.18019666405517035,0.0,0.0,0.4505459255377312,0.22577049469593585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24479161792954604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411680023447301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640151114175686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634686563240206,0.0,0.0,0.1487607596424064,0.2932194333886893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300949203261121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WanderingWanderer50,2019/01/22,"From time to time chances are there, but I'm too much a pussy to go for it. Saw a truck speeding from afar towards here just a moment ago. Was hesitating whether to rush in front of it or not. Ten seconds later it passed by and gone. Sine then have been regretting haven't done it decisively.",2.831016949152541,4.613252440677968,3.4120000000000026,91.61732203389832,75.4406779661017,6.753898305084746,25.359322033898305,7.554174236665415,1.0138922033898303,230,8,51,3,5,72,49,59,0.113,0.8640000000000001,0.024,-0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,10,5,1,14,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,7,36,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401245400813873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081002475966082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821770382295505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649906380297582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5790358200120626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dragoncatcher,2019/01/22,"I've been wanting to die lately, but I won't do it. I just want a place to freely post how I'm feeling lately. No need to respond or anything. 

I've been feeling really depressed and having suicidal thoughts for awhile now. I keep thinking of ways that would be the least painful, but death would hurt no matter what. I've even thought about ways I would want to say my last farewells to everyone or secretly cry out for help for someone to notice and ask how I'm doing. I don't tell anyone I feel because I don't want to feel like I'm being a burden to them. I don't want to seek help either out of fear of being told something is wrong with me, I don't want to be diagnosed. Everything to me these days I feel is useless to do and doesn't matter. Watching my favorite TV shows or youtubers are the only things that make me feel like my usual self. Although I don't really know what my usual self is anymore. Life only seems worth living because of my cat and wanting to know what happens in my TV shows. Is that good enough reason to go through life still. I don't know, but it'll have to do. There's more I want to write, but I'll end it here. If you read this post, thanks for caring. ",3.15389558232932,4.11570119678715,4.0692570281124505,90.52669678714862,73.17670682730923,6.657831325301206,25.479919678714857,6.691623216298621,0.8134353413654618,934,29,204,7,18,301,129,249,0.172,0.642,0.18600000000000005,-0.7833,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,9,12,0,1,4,0,29,4,0,4,0,51,62,15,3,13,10,0,6,2,0,5,4,1,0,2,12,7,0,1,15,5,1,1,10,7,0,0,5,8,24,5,30,48,4,18,0,3,1,0,13,4,0,5,11,125,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511515096895007,0.06706123486518051,0.0,0.07892426662745608,0.0,0.08966120891121904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169294821538811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778478937709778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053506407637301,0.06185284682520002,0.0,0.08260558159060513,0.09734479173499667,0.0995375569551393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494618730586233,0.09909879584097288,0.0,0.0633464534903839,0.0,0.0,0.0916443834692705,0.08619609497197485,0.0,0.0,0.10792337530456304,0.2909643687305334,0.13703365701241438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545068333147114,0.0804432375682774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481129370330376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857047320871767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267169862804144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524760400496338,0.0,0.0,0.15812589534768634,0.07817797372780365,0.21637722654221525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354855787279769,0.09371179206940868,0.0,0.0846886869203115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401946007571821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111470598317593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919210745126516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588499717499978,0.10205307381723397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020364320238022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837070648236348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593414188763127,0.0,0.12288248190985494,0.0986095905136149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627004038744299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731121208613384,0.20010631328516432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126269626363714,0.07383480859541089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659240264273079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490799089154013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382798343542107,0.08829937362715573,0.0,0.0,0.06371713831973462,0.06145409412008816,0.0,0.15228077608159968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916443834692705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112586380437628,0.0,0.4525530723373744,0.15225491058619556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204391274554284,0.10486054740688024,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Freshgrapefruitsoda,2019/01/22,"Gonna do it tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked I left a had job to join another bad job. Ridden with debt and outcasted by my family. Living on my car. I've done all I could and it's dead end after dead end after dead end. Even psychologists have a grim outlook on my future happiness. I have done all I could with optimism and patience and perseverance. But, my circumstances have proven themselves too strong for my will to continue. I'm pretty stoked because I know I put my all into my life. Now that I have exhausted all avenues and am yet at another dead end. I'm like fuck it, I don't feel like living anymore. Don't want to find a good job anymore (already landed it and it's with shitty people), don't want to eat good food anymore (had my fair share of delish foods), don't want to live in my car anymore (it's not as terrible as everyone makes it out to be). I'm just done. I'm ready to go home.",1.471021984551399,3.4556891176470605,3.606051693404634,87.71273767082592,80.28342245989305,7.1502079619726695,22.6883541295306,8.167268648758528,1.2829313131313125,703,23,150,14,18,240,99,187,0.187,0.629,0.183,-0.4238,4,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,1,0,3,0,19,6,0,1,4,27,33,9,4,5,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,11,3,0,3,0,1,5,5,5,0,0,5,1,17,7,23,23,4,24,0,1,0,1,1,8,1,0,13,87,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515171056821084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883803881665875,0.0,0.0,0.4139446537364255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712705200081272,0.06361017870009031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666283627918202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203557526446135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677507243947792,0.0,0.0,0.3696889478946791,0.0,0.0,0.06892152692915236,0.0,0.0,0.09970993631303628,0.0,0.0,0.09837094547838197,0.0,0.05276198710932167,0.07454694273780496,0.0,0.0,0.09537309080931004,0.0,0.2523584374371744,0.0,0.0,0.0964689642388836,0.0,0.0,0.05930393847057237,0.17504597207393344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108144533040132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467054988527394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106508280864316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734747858223966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133754881754508,0.0,0.07370478099637857,0.10195929597970828,0.0,0.27642622252209514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965376431481211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234245423325299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232088371268729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489956116365444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464322217367185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,merokuma,2019/01/22,can someone tell me it'll be ok? or anything reassuring / supportive. I appreciate it thanks.,3.0204166666666694,5.845891875000002,5.665000000000003,63.94666666666669,99.0,9.633333333333333,36.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,5.449858333333332,74,5,11,3,3,26,15,16,0.0,0.415,0.585,0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397102353934854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088680117321161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475986680435491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217750885788702,0.4442725997547466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beitsilkorslime,2019/01/22,"stuck and tired hello everyone, i'm sorry in advance for what is going to be a long stream of consciousness that's probably gonna be pretty hard to read. I'm 18 and I've had intrusive thoughts since I was around 15-16 I think, but they've gotten pretty bad over the last 7 months. I spent 2 of those months sitting in bed all day with nothing on my mind but ending it.  I'm in my first year of undergrad i absolutely hate it. I'm not smart enough for it and no matter how much work I put it in I cannot grasp most things. I hate where I'm at and I feel so stuck here. I'm tired all the time and I cannot remember simple 3-digit numbers anymore or what I wanted to do 5 minutes ago. Every thought on my mind is praying I would get ran over by a car or jumping off a bridge or driving into a tree as fast as I can. I'm sorry you had to read this horrible mess but I just needed to vent, thank you.",1.0762496267542545,2.5090035583756354,3.1852493281576604,92.86583457748584,79.40609137055837,6.259659599880563,21.74051955807704,7.048011613610866,0.4262585249328161,699,20,165,8,17,238,122,197,0.218,0.713,0.07,-0.9833,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,3,6,6,2,0,6,0,12,2,0,1,2,33,36,15,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,8,0,0,7,2,1,7,4,4,0,1,10,2,18,2,26,22,5,32,1,0,0,0,3,13,0,4,11,96,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240023084425015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369389751825186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229211195073109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529163721739752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890506440885449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229853726589172,0.14267429958361194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633896565872935,0.13194204945973792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981776310554126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745139361478672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214147941419773,0.0,0.07847445773384272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123693207221687,0.27265225675925586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255421975439113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219709592486135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788443384578118,0.0,0.22042943365831172,0.0,0.1015052201873845,0.10238510750954162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249217909552294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809554752116719,0.14887437507343027,0.0,0.0,0.13880926614883554,0.0,0.0,0.2762361819600142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641854348832251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142218020898172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091401322047597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712617927409134,0.0,0.0,0.09173469772355823,0.08847655272420378,0.0,0.2192413427742997,0.08051598079882137,0.3174069603478275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144358878457071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052441187847518,0.0,0.0,0.0980885848664614,0.0,0.0,0.08891945934310827
suicidewatch,CarrotOrVeganDildo,2019/01/22,"My girlfriend just told me she was considering suicide. Please help. I don’t know where else to go. Hey Reddit. I’m going to cut right to the chase. 

My girlfriend today told me that she has been contemplating suicide for some time. Telling her parents isn’t an option as they are not emotionally supportive of her. 

A lot of her insecurities come from family in the first place. 

She told me that in the summer she decided to drive her truck into oncoming traffic into a semi. She pulled away just in time, but she knows the impact would have instantly killed her. 

She doesn’t know, but after she hung up the phone tonight I wept for her. She is such a sweet, compassionate person. She makes me feel complete. 

I have trouble connecting with people on a deep emotional level because of past abuse and hurt. And she’s the first person that I’ve been able to trust and connect with in two years. 

If anyone doesn’t deserve something like this, it’s her.

I have no real options besides finding her a therapist. 

I have no money. I’m a music major and because of this, my course load is around 12 classes. All my money for what little work I have time for goes into gas, and food. 

The thing is she has had a hard time finding a therapist. 

She’s saved up $600 of her own money, but she has nothing left. Is there any free counseling services in the Atlanta area that is available to her? 

Please. I’m begging. I have nowhere left to turn. And if I lose her I don’t know how I’ll be able to live with myself. ",2.5867027417027444,4.7708469764309775,3.644428811928812,87.8263257575758,77.55218855218855,6.2630591630591645,24.075156325156325,7.310402129719878,1.035214622414622,1180,40,235,15,28,380,162,297,0.142,0.757,0.102,-0.916,1,0,1,0,1,2,35.0,0,0,1,4,7,14,2,1,17,0,26,1,0,2,1,40,43,13,3,3,8,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,9,14,1,0,8,0,4,5,8,7,0,3,7,3,44,8,36,34,5,39,0,3,0,0,39,22,0,6,13,159,53,3,0.20987753311799795,0.1243352786583195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136195976375688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337562552590582,0.0,0.0,0.09341775054799673,0.0,0.0,0.09859342555513724,0.0,0.0,0.12793939617589795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039545547717044,0.1100263001935268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766287401162652,0.2360839760140805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989269298007687,0.0,0.053060193429369684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182426301775013,0.17852172245418158,0.1268923730659138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927823870060696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400452276250187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033824321023396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123391199966021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609919722576402,0.0,0.2306864068599627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280325538260788,0.0,0.0,0.051267780678884566,0.105176212495265,0.09266285343892364,0.0,0.0,0.11739963748259535,0.0,0.0892151866826566,0.0,0.0,0.07004744154100859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069157672754454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652208159802067,0.0,0.100175926749504,0.07275132770906506,0.1832569665648024,0.1096386759762292,0.2303825063232304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944329036388733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961713326570599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078698934139021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295719567290455,0.11908326871050624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172110733593092,0.0,0.0,0.2436839922594475,0.06971665359772089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244762554703034,0.0,0.09946968053002242,0.30082046549750513,0.0,0.0,0.1141432440907994,0.102509926728985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639667186962891,0.0,0.0,0.07454548892321228,0.0,0.0,0.06757712511138637
suicidewatch,shyhearted,2019/01/22,"I just want to die without having to kill myself There's a free counselling service available for people under the age of 25. I have roughly 10 months to start seeing someone, I won't be able to afford it afterwards. I'm too afraid to truly open up in case I'm sent somewhere involuntarly. I don't want to start medication because I just got my drivers lisence, and I'm worried it may effect my driving, and I can't tell anyone why I wouldn't be able to drive as I can't tell anyone I'm struggling. Most of all I'm worried I won't be taken seriously, because as my last hope I don't know how I'd cope.

I really wish I wasn't too much of a pussy to just end it. I'm never going to get better. Every one dies eventually, there's no avoiding that. Why is it such a taboo to just get it over with. If someone truly isn't happy, why prolong it? ",3.392333333333333,3.8514960111111134,5.403333333333336,83.04000000000002,72.22222222222223,7.333333333333332,27.777777777777786,7.1686216300943375,1.391944444444445,662,23,140,6,12,231,103,180,0.107,0.745,0.14800000000000002,0.7228,1,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,9,1,3,4,0,16,1,0,2,2,24,36,6,3,6,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,2,0,1,4,12,5,0,1,4,2,16,5,22,25,3,17,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,4,8,84,23,1,0.2848868493254055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919950899750236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366437912463148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597963357203742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956675717668549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616259480276493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001472881285677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884162050143834,0.0,0.08095388084582349,0.0,0.11392501915724725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163367427816593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414784611103272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759254464012196,0.0,0.07828318097724203,0.11611040277073642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349676453935306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369698257622808,0.0,0.10471230687758996,0.0,0.1098611504584608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652335101625284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875233536132257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125290531127354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350896724381306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413837029406469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016443782570884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891279524073178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24900366320657805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803364489587355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855991053020481,0.0,0.16380290856474125,0.13731037826938255,0.0,0.0,0.2893164242266996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway23567892,2019/01/22,"Why? im too scared to die, but i dont wanna live.. Im afraid of whats after death.. a new world? Reincarnation? Blackness? An empty void? Is it just... like pulling the cord on a computer?.. i always feel like theres nothing for me.. that none of my wishes will come true.. I wanted a normal fucking family! To be praised for one thing atleast! But no! Im made fun of by my family for my disabilities! Im beat by my own parents! Threatened to be raped by my own step dad to turn me straight! Disowned because im trans! My guardian says she will send me right back to my parents if i come as trans (asked what her thoughts were on it) and i just... want to give up. I dont do anything right. Im a failure, a disappointment.. i feel like the only good things i have are my few friends and my cats... why..",-1.38468349016253,0.5397110598802435,0.8678079555175379,99.46388473053892,103.07185628742515,3.82284003421728,18.53913601368691,5.773587663045528,-0.3516636441402907,605,21,143,6,28,200,101,167,0.14,0.685,0.175,0.8182,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,2,5,13,2,2,8,0,11,2,0,1,1,19,24,6,2,6,5,3,2,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,5,0,1,3,4,22,8,21,17,4,15,1,1,1,2,11,7,1,1,6,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715311635615101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619312986378244,0.0,0.09791893613541618,0.0,0.0,0.08053956123477185,0.0,0.06384929800974674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045063672345066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087048881107164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24551194593967365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974814704722986,0.0,0.10592065318391293,0.14965434966070534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092283522949442,0.09683160419059372,0.0,0.10047735770856407,0.0,0.08785199684039338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.678831186603881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351386225227956,0.0,0.09248844875773926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910870978026352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115975856119623,0.0,0.0,0.10262419305002153,0.1005020608462028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097538637457985,0.07966044566518635,0.0,0.0,0.23260554090592514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889692212692168,0.0,0.08329445146271232,0.10486427037864303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917087386228386,0.0,0.0,0.08315285823633357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392841025656912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355821409894276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890253857148471,0.0,0.1204472762524052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LitJayc132,2019/01/22,"Is there actually any hope? Anytime someone is suicidal the first thing someone says to them is “there’s still hope” or “you’ll get through it” but is that actually true.  I’ve been suicidal since age 8 and nothing has gotten better, in-fact it’s gotten worse yet every time I talk or attempt suicide every says there’s still hope.  Is that true?",2.6175053304904026,5.153945462686568,3.641364605543711,86.00358208955225,79.44776119402985,6.216631130063965,25.989339019189767,7.447530270364453,1.4720592750533048,274,11,52,4,7,88,45,67,0.263,0.563,0.174,-0.8938,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,1,3,6,6,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,9,14,4,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,6,2,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,6,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.30645543260510466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067781807641084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887038467739915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645902529580698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335601265270595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203585178402227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678653468234527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506637908604266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24973533297424305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988758898254674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660830701897124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25079086204901035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5152593056959565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620577828242094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431632573951424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155893559007562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001559021385495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SchweddySalami,2019/01/22,"Terrible Month. So my girl and I had lived together for about a year and a half and I was afraid of getting another place together. I wanted time to myself and I thought we could maybe restart a rocky and rushed relationship. 

Two weeks go by and she is sleeping with someone new. A guy I've known for years and that is friends with some of my friends. About a week after that I lost my job of the last 3 1/2 years. 

Naturally my ex and I were still communicating slightly. Occasionally getting lunch or hanging out for an hour or so. Everytime she would tell me she wasn't happy with how it turned out and she never wanted it to be this way. She spoke poorly of the new guy she was seeing basically saying it was just a thing. 

This past Friday I saw them out and they seemed so happy. I saw them kiss and destroyed me instantly. 

That night I went home. Unfortunately for me she lives in the neighborhood across the street and I could always see if she was home or not. (Or at least if her car was there) I decided that I needed release. I took a rock and scratched her car up bad. 

I woke up to a call from the police. I confessed after a brief interrogation. 

I love her and now she thinks I am a monster. 

Honestly, this has been pretty vague and I left out a lot. I just don't see the point anymore. I screw up everything good in my life. Thinking about death a lot.",1.4452606060606037,3.806695883636365,2.9173636363636386,90.4733787878788,82.89090909090909,6.13939393939394,21.53030303030303,7.42949916751922,0.72250303030303,1068,34,230,17,30,348,154,275,0.1,0.818,0.08199999999999999,-0.4397,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,3,1,12,14,2,1,19,0,18,6,1,1,1,50,40,25,1,8,9,1,1,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,11,23,1,0,7,1,1,8,4,6,0,2,17,8,45,8,32,19,4,42,1,1,5,3,29,15,1,10,18,163,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539961519696552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022257662245946,0.0,0.0,0.11370393630007372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572959748403073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707246989481905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308052129819788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304178873887264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771596395932286,0.0,0.11980183390407274,0.0,0.06515935095511623,0.09616462432174464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270469316728209,0.0,0.24409828647305756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300105278176051,0.0,0.1129090856029632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377437909302655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345664969523987,0.0,0.0,0.12456968987645932,0.0,0.08098206992434613,0.0,0.0,0.2024795621902019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515615787263562,0.19494599259376394,0.10347787010285316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518330397002033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151410053251806,0.0,0.0,0.08501297550112866,0.08842665952839232,0.22146315458689733,0.0,0.10759309761038592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944826884489756,0.0,0.0,0.11978689564860312,0.0,0.108383160874811,0.0,0.0,0.11664226132131525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309329761266626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117584028909204,0.0,0.0,0.2740883039546331,0.10437483824806017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473476015400763,0.0,0.09714423354644262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915612032619454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021086642459616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616966763891436,0.14692869289542107,0.0,0.09102084939633004,0.06685447981252203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273825460191056,0.0,0.1247084092101043,0.11199830522117184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352493929338592,0.09100538914309043,0.18393377303185585,0.0,0.0,0.106283515457365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144546277314542,0.0,0.0,0.2214963094512
suicidewatch,steeleyogirl,2019/01/22,"Next time a relapse I’m ending my life. I can’t stand hurting people around me while I destroy my life. I grew up around addiction and I’ve seen what addicts do to everyone they touch...I know I lot of people wanting to die say everyone’s better off without them but for me it’s true... I feel like my options are sober up, live a good life. Or fail and kill myself and die the person some people still love. I can still die that person....and not die the “addict” who destroyed everyone’s lives around them. 

Fuck addiction, fuck depression, fuck my fucking life I just want out. ",1.5054247491638792,3.964917843478265,2.7382608695652166,91.18658862876256,83.6086956521739,5.625418060200667,21.88963210702341,7.010146845296331,0.7178160535117053,452,15,91,6,13,145,75,115,0.373,0.519,0.108,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,3,2,6,15,7,0,4,0,4,13,0,0,1,20,15,6,5,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,1,3,17,5,12,14,2,15,0,3,1,5,7,7,4,4,7,53,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383637055741056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684750907668651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890930740938792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658506778125598,0.0,0.4173309333238352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903843110855672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881779294449275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050830240732241384,0.07181759544734394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717479908626194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431855382258018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761786084848184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121991388254274,0.0,0.05524784606164495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840250692909294,0.04911315744041405,0.0,0.17753705151891838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546575357075853,0.0907309150454454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691322249276992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908145609935197,0.175555253841069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799443147722714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056441336415306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861898899009259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858865251123572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690590681922426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsnotaword,2019/01/22,"Maybe not tonight. I have finally done it.  I have destroyed the friendship I had waited for my entire life.  I am entirely at fault.  I have become an obstacle to her enjoyment in life.

The friend was a girl.  Caring, understanding, patient.  I told her most everything that had occurred in my life, and she told me more than she had told anyone else.  She was hurt very badly, and I accidentally forced her to tell me what happened.  I dare not say it here.  But I can never express how sorry I am.  I cannot see anything she does with me as anything but a forced interaction, now.  And I cannot speak to her.  She ignores me.  I hurt the girl, and can never fix it.  I cannot even deal with the stress of this predicament, and it has caused my anger to reach a boiling point.  Now I cannot speak to her whatsoever, and am an active barrier to her being a part of our friend group.  I had waited my entire life to be understood, and I destroyed it with my arrogance.

I am going to cut myself, tonight.  Something I had not done for over ten years until a mere two months ago.  Now it is a pasttime.  I have removed myself from the friend group.  I cannot hurt her anymore.  I should not make more friends.  I will hurt them, too.  I believe I may kill myself, but it's hard to do.

I am not angry.  Not even at myself.  I feel very little at the present moment, aside from immense shame.  I hope she finds someone as amazing as she is.  I hope she is protected.  If there is a God, I would only ask him for this.",1.205550249169434,3.440113893687709,2.779434177740864,91.88898515365447,82.82059800664452,5.490074750830567,21.698608803986712,6.770275591412753,0.4661303156146182,1146,37,245,13,32,375,145,301,0.212,0.6559999999999999,0.133,-0.9812,0,0,1,0,0,2,46.0,1,0,1,0,9,23,5,2,15,0,37,5,0,3,2,39,53,16,1,5,10,0,2,0,4,4,4,3,0,2,11,10,1,5,4,0,0,2,13,14,0,2,13,6,61,9,30,34,4,24,0,4,1,0,37,8,0,5,14,188,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113713279719904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196243487646826,0.07188893381359039,0.10534361952520924,0.16921195654311724,0.0,0.09611586673021187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584419472916413,0.0,0.11354839708051195,0.0,0.11583455005762434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482425898715424,0.10561682212718518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599523686686056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997196578782386,0.21042589322985167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588670287391235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581345501469042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240130127170708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198512048437042,0.0,0.0,0.1126261361575578,0.09396881899872264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31773092124254715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058430748262051774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091680897226448,0.0,0.09209986104535116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423214450667065,0.0,0.0,0.4402518958703224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374686682878388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904782120834066,0.0,0.1030451968844443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862818344185752,0.0,0.10328903740768763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206400604461213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585907719098286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819358626032924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113359855607196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971911029820393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176067584194789,0.0,0.0,0.0819283006720844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711275008512752,0.07915013314212882,0.0,0.115090245693815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177714423250674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986271077517413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29472542658308915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100432933757467,0.10703150285035927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696622619919299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303509415957903,0.0,0.0,0.06620791904158964
suicidewatch,imsofuckinglost888,2019/01/22,"I don't know what to do. I am using a throw away account because my normal Reddit name is the name I use for everything and well I am super embarrassed I feel this way and that my situation is what it is.

So I feel a little about myself is required. I have tumor in my brain that had made me very tall, so tall in fact that my body just hurts all the time. I found a job working from home that Ive actually been able to keep because when I sit the pain's not so bad. Things have been tight for me for a while but at the beginning of the year I found out I had caught a highly contagious infection that had me on quarantine for near 4 months. Thankfully my roommate was able to scrape by during this time and we didn't lose our place. 

I've been out and back to work for a while now but with the short hours the job offers I've not been able to get anything caught up, I've just been scraping by but at least I wasn't under. Cut to about a week ago and I start feeling this shortness of breath and coughing up some stuff that looks a lot like infection. Problem is my insurance has been cancelled and I can't afford to miss work anyway so I just been putting it off.

Yesterday's windstorm destroyed my power supply. I go to Fry's to buy a new one so I can work today and it does fine but my fans aren't working. I figure I'll just shut my PC off and have my budy fix the fans when he's home. I was sitting here bored and decided I'll turn on my plans watch Netflix or a podcast and when I go to turn it on it won't power up.

I figure we'll just go back to Fry's tomorrow and switch it out, but I can't shake the feeling it's something else. Maybe the Mobo, IDK. If it's anything else I have no idea what I'll do. I spent all the money I was gonna spend on groceries on the power supply so I'm already in a shit spot.

My job just recently gave me a written notice after I overslept last Sunday, alarm didn't go off. That was the last allowed attendance issue I was allowed after having missed a fair amount of days after getting out of the hospital.

So now., IDK it is just the world keeps kicking me when I am down, I can't remember the last time I felt up tbh. 2018 was just terrible and now 2019 is looking like I'll lose the only job my shit body can handle.

I am way too disgusted and sad to tell any rl people how I really feel, but taking this gun and putting one in my head is looking like my only option. What do I do",2.9366091954023013,3.5266581973180102,4.374195402298852,89.52784482758621,73.3486590038314,7.409195402298851,24.84482758620689,7.492282038375204,0.9508367816091948,1897,54,434,21,36,633,234,522,0.121,0.8009999999999999,0.077,-0.9813,10,1,1,1,0,0,32.0,3,0,0,13,31,26,5,3,30,0,51,13,7,6,3,73,89,37,0,3,18,0,7,3,0,3,6,0,2,0,26,21,0,4,14,1,5,11,12,19,1,2,28,11,58,7,56,58,6,84,0,6,4,0,9,35,2,5,37,283,84,11,0.2359148805493366,0.0,0.07673963076183496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970810243920601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677931236044144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053476736213170714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294252302943703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388326537302747,0.12093598732394903,0.06565969036251744,0.095874347666747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746988327250026,0.0,0.08778634280947804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071519373440109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881690059034991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138440717512528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067502758614383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880942009129848,0.0,0.0755050939070001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244565980440513,0.0,0.0,0.08217052537294295,0.0,0.17876781770232494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070557629610188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308567464203731,0.1577612403430662,0.0,0.07744287863575576,0.0,0.08418391964522688,0.08877306149408222,0.0,0.08207794756110143,0.3121454889092995,0.13979465697749613,0.0,0.0,0.04321754954759439,0.19230211478737344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152560941155016,0.07881622912444483,0.0,0.0,0.1981090829804996,0.1759522710968807,0.0,0.06685546501569396,0.0,0.07440945471965263,0.0,0.0,0.07900273554231625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276833563174435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594935390440627,0.0,0.0,0.07704883115547469,0.0,0.08953021837957327,0.0,0.0,0.10657468572355187,0.11961593159295532,0.08367668871343692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451789123974575,0.0,0.08216027941709993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524622656171989,0.0,0.15810641005287915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050377704475223065,0.0,0.07764582785307209,0.0,0.08908185693497482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144215646397664,0.0,0.08839273672782436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605396002683758,0.0,0.0,0.0556605889000156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002203202944363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059126210067987,0.0,0.06873333465646506,0.07239957528200623,0.0,0.0,0.05224378795723317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137563864025532,0.0,0.07453990731927644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710717635829089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358364739339609,0.0,0.06488482781940412,0.0,0.12483883416416787,0.06307889567014979,0.0,0.07070526995067343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862480712876393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506404827668622
suicidewatch,TwoPercentWeeb,2019/01/22,I just want someone to talk to I'm gonna kill myself in a couple hours. I just want someone to talk to before I do.,-1.4044444444444435,0.2934515185185198,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,89.37037037037037,3.6,16.407407407407412,3.1291,-1.0739037037037038,89,2,22,0,3,32,17,27,0.18600000000000005,0.711,0.103,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566855726557387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337747210056025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29706870016262865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337357647621183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111813816191099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849165643250106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558470174661632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pottymouthoftheyear,2019/01/22,"Just something I came up with earlier. what's the matter was it something I said
got all these nasty feelings dwelling inside of my head
these thoughts of suicide wont subside
I wanna jump more now because its do or die i dont wanna be alive
I've tried all I can do dont try to be a guide
I've tried to put myself out there more  to try to realize 
that life is what you make it, heh there's no surprise
but what kind of life can you make when you gotta eat the lies
gotta swallow your pride because its Ill advised
to try to do what you want but still other people find
you dont have what takes to be on the winning side
so you just sit there with the noose they all helped you tie
then hopefully you can find a place to hang the guy
tell em that ain't you no more, go find a better prize
I wonder what would happen if I had really died
on second thought nope I hope I dont survive",1.6109391191709823,2.9808523056994822,2.8097117875647686,96.4029614637306,77.75647668393782,5.654015544041451,21.38892487046632,5.985473137389443,-0.060015284974093135,697,18,166,4,16,224,111,193,0.15,0.728,0.122,-0.6803,0,0,2,0,0,1,3.0,0,10,1,5,9,10,0,1,8,1,20,6,1,2,3,30,37,7,3,7,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,15,4,2,0,8,0,0,5,9,1,0,1,7,2,22,9,19,23,6,16,0,0,0,0,16,6,0,5,4,108,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387363473227913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064213678675572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015078542032574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236201799905636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334660155320952,0.0,0.0,0.1164403546578826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057538003497458315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120187960991321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467213245897621,0.0,0.09101199167166313,0.0,0.0,0.11267461250238142,0.10062824946605023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678615955564425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627416754940376,0.0,0.0,0.2260475639072772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184996359580662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075307921826873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519176495931759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889089499345703,0.0,0.11889120853233034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439507205462772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289977846517982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824478837880536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520939049954976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087656919017903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447289762312393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555942872628976,0.0,0.0994615558970878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068051146619898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862955508752807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711904374891467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234054637396824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808364675129395,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rickardosmastablasta,2019/01/22,"Is this a universal truth? ""life is meant to be endured, not enjoyed"" When I was younger I thought that life was meant to be enjoyed. As I have grown just a little bit older, (really not that much), I have reached such a dark place that I question whether or not ""happiness"" exists, or is just a insidious holographic carrot projected before our eyes by evolutionary psychology. The carrot disappears once you reach it. People say that happiness is ""fleeting"". How well can you judge something that is ""fleeting""?. Is it possible that happiness is just an installed memory? We all know that the good old days never really existed. But it would be great for the DNA molecule if it could rope a dope you into believing in a ""return to the promise land"". Lately I feel sick to my stomach. I fear death way more than I love life. I feel like I'm edging closer to suicide with no way out, and it terrifies me. I wonder if I am depressed, but then for a long time now I have thorized that I am just honest. In my theory, other people are just puppets, enduring in the hopes of some eventual award, one which would finally releive them of all their striving. Above all else, I hope that I am wrong. I don't want to die. I wonder if their is something wrong with me. I wish I could beleive in a god. The thought that returns to me incessantly, obsessively, is ""life is suffering"", ""there is no superior state of mind"", ""there can be no satisfaction, even temporary, even fleeting"". Even when I've felt ""better"", it was drenched in anxiety, of the inevitable return to despair, it felt like an act. It would make sense to me that life is driving us like slaves. It wouldnt give a good fuck about how we feel as long as were spitting out new copies. I apologize for this rant, but I have been feeling very very very bad lately. I needed to post this somewhere. I want to know if their are better and lesser states of minds. Ones that are free of anxious despair filled thoghts, even temporarily. I want some releif from pessimism. I guess I am a case study in why one should not act liberally when considering the creation of new life. Every single depressed person talks about it getting ""better"" as in ""managing"", and they delight at the thought of relating to others. Every other sad sack I discover in life is to me another vicious nail in the coffin of our human condition. I don't want to relate to otrher sorry sons of bitches, I want to know that their are people out their who are better than me. Something better than just ""coping"", ""managing"", ""treating"".

Thanks all.",4.873923538923542,6.482105197505199,5.395053707553711,80.18033292908295,69.79002079002079,8.587687687687689,29.99312774312775,9.075114841892004,2.583281312081312,2004,80,368,39,36,643,237,481,0.14800000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.184,0.9794,0,0,3,0,0,2,89.0,5,3,7,6,22,42,3,2,22,0,46,13,3,3,6,78,79,23,4,20,20,1,6,3,0,5,8,1,0,2,31,11,0,0,17,0,1,6,11,14,1,3,12,8,52,29,56,56,10,49,0,6,1,2,25,18,2,14,23,261,83,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514312997436681,0.05482070467267997,0.08095688075248894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983419910160615,0.0,0.0,0.060978495223848676,0.08073775463628657,0.0,0.3168930183041884,0.07823558850295613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443144702253245,0.0,0.0,0.04621561543508227,0.0,0.1234435595946516,0.0,0.07437312411159888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059863827672347936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932647300529096,0.0,0.12075548587055555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806388948212427,0.1449364425490297,0.05119485293899589,0.13761218784534324,0.07850146042090474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624972475071511,0.03744007585402008,0.06874405673140897,0.0,0.12021221084019032,0.0,0.07900684534243628,0.07894301021486527,0.0,0.0,0.2288543855356685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235169700075906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814954274245895,0.0,0.16167415412657293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543155091010676,0.10503028638887983,0.07182345697691515,0.0,0.12683600551910462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467712854822254,0.0,0.04783447972221006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447149859983312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267930702633692,0.053135952057074526,0.055269618709034914,0.13842187613326898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519648828849049,0.07631695452397902,0.14567867125705436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904278444027627,0.06257189026644032,0.07487081479891809,0.0,0.0,0.08078735775285295,0.0686317242971086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027706571117484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181613812705776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569879486020385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550512845812165,0.0,0.08021896759848082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838584013460811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057598645096652426,0.0,0.06597610464468831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067322233604387,0.041786285130928816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619973041168294,0.0,0.0,0.1773842528795688,0.2113384814588264,0.11376282187366715,0.0,0.0,0.06443212230218627,0.0,0.06466318450047354,0.0,0.0824069679047033,0.0,0.1554272638807579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271841197192235,0.156700782001651,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,philbymouth,2019/01/22,"Tabloid trivialises my son's suicide The Daily Mail wrote this awful article about my son's suicide https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6614555/Student-vlogger-hanged-sobbing-uncontrollably-losing-iPhone.html?ito=social-facebook … … with a headline trivialising his mental health. [Twitter] #friendsofarchie
My family is devastated yet powerless. Please don't believe the headlines you see.",12.463888888888887,17.606346129629628,9.553333333333336,42.60000000000002,59.92592592592593,11.748148148148148,47.88888888888889,10.864195022040775,7.9198,337,21,28,11,6,99,48,54,0.428,0.531,0.041,-0.9716,1,0,0,1,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256655337437736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249493803839203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072515076166285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29129903585018796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31729513344904353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033908064408756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29465474844556394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6323576022243802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeux_x,2019/01/22,"Should I go to the hospital right now It's 1:20am, my sister and mom are asleep. I don't feel like I can face another day. Tomorrow my mom will make me go to my school. I can't do it. I am lifeless. I don't even want to think about it. But I don't want her to know I went because she has too much to worry about. If she knew I went it would be too hard. The only other option is I try to make it look like an accident somehow, so she doesn't feel sorry for me. I don't want her to suffer but I don't want to either. I don't know. Right now my plan is to OD then go for a walk, and if I have a change of heart to call an Uber to the hospital. If it happens as so I will tell my mom I went to my other sister's apartment, not sure how long that will hold up tho. Anyone have any alternatives?",-0.7369183548189078,0.8130040773480687,2.0222744014732967,98.47391497851444,85.5745856353591,5.348189073050952,16.1329036218539,6.42735559955562,-0.6365840392879067,602,11,159,6,18,210,93,181,0.111,0.882,0.006999999999999999,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0,7,0,23,3,3,3,1,28,43,13,1,9,7,5,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,6,0,0,7,9,1,0,0,4,4,29,3,19,33,2,17,0,1,1,0,12,4,0,5,8,108,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227035001618047,0.1422773945474123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487400111130426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271222444765584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854940110103645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353657886220647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750550254895854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961856295855862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372126728543318,0.09693328309431584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313384792959711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998566368834095,0.0,0.12154697330503104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078719912587375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913768887099854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257752683512952,0.0,0.0,0.12007682143540807,0.11394109989016858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114138036913524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767373650685319,0.0,0.0,0.09974397596729287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319444170636577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174823901271344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732031085463672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188807955016664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788136423040758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859453840358578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694137239740414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212110574826464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201217571833976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773436426196643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377945502563796,0.0,0.09638662359950287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Allen-Morgaine,2019/01/22,"I just have to say something to get it off my chest but I’M NOT GOING TO HURT MYSELF School has been rough, I had problems before and it was better and I don’t know what’s happening it has been a long melancholic streak. I couldn’t  and would never kill myself but I have to say I have thought about how nice it would be to cut my throat.",1.1136904761904738,3.045437750000005,2.024206349206352,98.87000000000002,81.22222222222223,4.669841269841268,17.23015873015873,5.288315135182226,-0.8016174603174604,266,5,62,1,7,83,48,72,0.096,0.6890000000000001,0.215,0.9097,0,0,1,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,1,0,14,2,2,1,1,15,20,6,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,3,10,2,7,11,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235377846213694,0.0,0.0,0.23110560445791264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365225937683438,0.0,0.14850730261403552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310737148563161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797355137110177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890984777018743,0.0,0.14360798920952994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231249270490258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015367632310668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500363719195367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156050637836502,0.0,0.2644575475018883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011675893959633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744928590216385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712512727428255,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bpproblemsthrowaway,2019/01/22,"I loved you so much! I met you and I knew it was ordained by somebody up above. How beautiful you were, how wonderful you are. Every part of you I loved, all of you I accepted... the joy I felt when I was beside you, who on this earth will make me feel anything like it? 

You are different now, but I'm still the same; I love you the same. But your eyes are hard when you look at me and your words are cold and uncaring. 

Don't you remember when we were just kids and filled with wonder, enticed by adventure? 
I fell so hard, so deep... I wondered how a human being can hold a light within them as bright as yours; I prayed that it wouldn't go out, prayed that I wouldn't have to go on without it to guide my steps. But tonight I am without you, and the air around me feels so heavy, and this house is so lonely... 

You have become my curse, because I'm trying to move on, but you refuse to leave me, although you are no longer here. And I never have peace. 
I cannot see ahead. My future is clouded, all I feel is the destruction within me, the weight of your careless words, and the way that your eyes evaded mine. 
When I met you, I was naive. I did not understand that anyone can throw your love away. Even if you give your entire heart to someone, even if you give away your whole self. 

I'm empty now, missing what I had before I met you. But you're still whole, and you don't think of me anymore.",2.8530377668308686,3.7512914827586235,3.5895073891625637,93.92385057471265,73.82758620689657,6.765188834154352,22.085385878489326,6.868970318607317,0.2888834154351394,1070,24,250,9,21,339,146,290,0.12,0.774,0.106,-0.3131,1,2,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,28,1,1,21,13,1,0,9,0,28,8,3,4,3,51,56,31,0,4,11,0,7,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,12,13,1,2,12,0,0,7,10,4,0,0,12,14,61,9,28,40,8,33,2,2,5,4,44,13,0,5,13,186,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444772496427913,0.08069172666424697,0.0,0.09496597196103083,0.10273220212816304,0.0,0.0,0.21684786163705286,0.0,0.0,0.0703479575936938,0.12745238709677348,0.09819855968899018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057047568991901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524437991776229,0.0,0.09723112011458013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175052080071596,0.0,0.11080396943592022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140813194624206,0.1311711752402585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675495988178536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675186638069356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331583561297827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219400231666147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563795635890362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969085732705086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166190618473097,0.0,0.07703169773130332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226540096309228,0.08483371156356798,0.0,0.08900509813932304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496906600472844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072791307664158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196041300376466,0.0,0.12038940207303316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777969773577448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432029267072594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394490982914759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835034886245001,0.0,0.0,0.12013749981129986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160069638599536,0.0,0.1405284856254064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576843118524137,0.0,0.222486723330554,0.3754454761501341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinklaemonade,2019/01/22,"a hug. i want to hold the person i fell in love with not that long ago and have him tell me that it is OKAY. he was my light, the person that made me the happiest i couldve ever been. he had me at my peak of happiness and i've lost him.. he does not talk to me anymore... what can i help to do to help get over my depression over losing him?",-0.8971103896103898,0.7501501168831197,1.6494642857142878,100.37991071428571,86.79220779220779,5.40844155844156,14.819805194805195,6.6274283507984215,-0.7682974025974021,257,4,69,3,8,88,52,77,0.093,0.6409999999999999,0.265,0.9416,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,4,1,7,2,0,1,1,9,12,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,1,14,4,10,7,0,8,0,3,0,2,13,4,0,0,3,45,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147264396503489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023172495259226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208636386044336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198121214711035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191151479254566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655762917172064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578633349272914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32472961712465903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437008053478052,0.0,0.2709986601197211,0.26442778212035145,0.0,0.21862626781560754,0.22920832341131855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230199808242892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946990704655043,0.2117237985204118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287629795658568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daexn,2019/01/22,Someone please talk to me right now I’m 18 and I can’t drive and I live with abusive parents and I’m so close to killing myself right now. I’m extremely upset to the point where I can’t breathe. Please someone,-0.6317142857142848,1.5481739555555585,0.8149206349206359,100.67000000000002,98.33333333333331,3.4603174603174613,21.984126984126984,5.288315135182226,-0.11392063492063498,168,7,38,1,7,53,28,45,0.243,0.662,0.095,-0.8464,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.28916653957614097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700118861807507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550598482848016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709953883040888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358005616043983,0.23071187600859025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168451077250889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135758393465563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616302775792188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,majestyalphaq,2019/01/22,"How would you honestly rate your life /10? Overall 6/10.

21 years old. My life was absolutely great in all aspects up until 14, then I got an illness that build up slowly which affected me physically, mentally, psychologically and I became a 6.5/10 functioning person. My studies gone to shit, started stuttering, trouble breathing which affected my school team sports and my split personality got me into several bad situations with people which i wouldn’t of gotten otherwise. 

There’s a chance to recover tho(slim chance and long process) but that’s whats keeping me going. If i didn’t have the illness life would of probably been a strong 8.5/9. Sucks how life could of been so different. ",5.7737332339791365,8.569165926229509,6.145290611028316,70.75805514157976,70.0655737704918,9.6822652757079,33.2220566318927,10.018931242160765,4.028826229508197,561,27,88,16,11,180,90,122,0.151,0.753,0.095,-0.6314,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,2,4,8,2,0,5,0,9,8,2,4,1,17,17,10,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,5,0,0,8,0,13,3,11,5,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,6,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133539201085575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471262383003605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893666879124701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300801611132238,0.0,0.2899228569704294,0.19982772546407648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110248995926998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120862771786276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603997120754434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265641945701386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901903961922164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565527490032155,0.3165193713465385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541713914275968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343372234451133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475984417956625,0.18604955263009465,0.0,0.20373153436699795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828901559285372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575082599367585,0.0,0.0,0.11671845037388393
suicidewatch,ITrojan580,2019/01/22,"I’m surprised I’ve lived so long I’m fourteen, and to be completely honest I feel like weed and alcohol are the only things keeping me sain at this point. I have friends, matter a fact I have a lot of them. I just can’t talk to most of them, due to me just not connecting with them. I started smoking weed this year and I’ve been drinking on and off since I was around 12. I noticed drugs just help me calm down and people think I’m better when I’m on them because they relieve my stress and anxiety. And the stress on me recently has really taken a toll on me. I had built it up for just a couple weeks with my grandma saying I’m the reason she’s depressed and that I cause her all this stress. Then I snapped when my younger sister pushed me into a burning pot and I knew I couldn’t yell at her or hit her because she’s my sister, and so I proceeded to get to a metal door frame and start punching it out of pure anger. I’ve tried committing suicide since I first started 6th grade which would make me maybe 10 or 11. I don’t like my life but I’ve gotten to deal with it because I know others can have it worse. I’ve debated committing suicide recently just because of how I stress everyone out and I don’t wanna see myself as someone people have to deal with. I feel like it’s just gonna suck because my birthday is in a couple weeks, maybe like 2 or 3 and I don’t wanna disappoint my family anymore then I already have. ",3.014729688915736,4.012857843853826,4.368500453035338,88.11140969495622,73.5514950166113,7.333192389006343,26.63862881304743,7.686295010490155,1.3531980066445182,1125,39,243,14,22,373,156,301,0.124,0.7809999999999999,0.096,-0.9337,0,0,3,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,5,2,13,18,2,4,10,0,19,4,0,4,5,54,41,25,2,4,11,2,2,4,1,2,3,2,1,0,12,21,2,1,6,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,6,5,46,10,33,30,3,32,0,2,1,0,18,15,1,5,20,155,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698192438300867,0.0,0.0,0.11046848404301582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658013923115034,0.0,0.09927737536492533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911477616463133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051157458291456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853483955746409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102835528671658,0.0,0.0,0.10495830884871307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152881217582254,0.0,0.0,0.20640795661803196,0.08622038915215102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098064902612384,0.11609015251732398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565472761259662,0.0,0.0,0.09437019361026296,0.0,0.10123230827059812,0.1430302287938435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514935996481231,0.0,0.0,0.07734096378596718,0.0,0.05230079107601378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709834868345389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897802606152644,0.0,0.0,0.05501515341291177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070720342073793,0.19562521139101366,0.0,0.0883946508511042,0.08858987694677098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510578926459958,0.0,0.0,0.0668209418147453,0.0,0.20113808679104786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397033730057668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613445112115452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388005651269046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463169082387103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412990022126325,0.10292473104729162,0.1976834492434601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960760563912687,0.0,0.0,0.07977081626863082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656159717248504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481873936955253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256474761590147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586802855832057,0.0,0.0,0.21899749691654327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046069979150497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650539050515883,0.06414331583895701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796480223978295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059657054774004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020156647451284,0.07111180177756403,0.0,0.0,0.06446441220029595
suicidewatch,whapthrow,2019/01/22,"some thought from a teen hi guys, just looking for a place to talk since i think my friends are just about done with me for now (theyre great friends don't get me wrong)

so im about two weeks from 16, and i think my first thought of suicide was around 11 or 12, which is kinda fucked if you think about it? like what could make a 12 year old want to kill themself? ive always set dates, written notes, etc... but never went through with anything. id like to die but im really afraid of the pain of dying? and it's hard to get things that would allow me to just die peacefully so im waiting, but i might honestly just say fuck it and end it all and just suffer through it knowing that I'll just be dead after.

all my ""problems"" seem incredibly trivial to some others, and im kinda sick of feeling that way/being talked to like that? i was raised by asian parents and considered ""gifted"" which we all know leads to burning out and ive never considered myself a good student... but now that im so close to failing classes is a major stressor in my life. it's all my doing-- I don't do any work, and im currently sitting here writing this instead of doing some homework. time to sign up for next years classes is coming up, and im really looking at a full set of APs... my friends are incredibly competitive and I know I'd hate the ""regular"" classes, but I really can not think of taking either. A lot of people are disappointed but I can't just make myself a better student overnight. 

Sorry if this post jumps around a bit but my boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. It wasn't hostile or anything but I didn't realize how much I depended on him and talked to him. He also had some problems and I thought it might not work out because two unstable people trying to help each other out? Lol. But I don't really know how to cope right now? I've never been in a situation where I've been broken up with. I thought I was feeling better over the week but honestly now it's hitting me so hard.  

ive tried talking to my mom about depression through a shitty counselor (mandatory depression screening, made the mistake of being honest, talked to a counselor who just has to call home) and obviously mental illness is a weak and fake thing, so no help there. it doesn't help that she tells absolutely everyone about it which is horrendous enough and then laughs and jokes like haha yeah mom ya girl isn't thinking of dates to kill herself rn!! 

there's not much else I can say without revealing too much of myself, so I guess this is most of it.

im just worried about when i die... 
i thought about this for a while and im not too worried about anything? 

right now ive just been living til the next thing like oh my birthdays in two weeks! or i have a concert i might go to! but it's not working too well anymore as I've lost interest in a lot of activities.

please dont say things like ""live for your parents!"" or ""think of the future!"" 

more school? and working for the rest of my life? doesn't sound ideal, but if that's what works for you.

thanks for reading; not really looking for sympathy or karma, just would like to get my thoughts to an anonymous audience.


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suicidewatch,Levuwu,2019/01/22,"Im so tired School is boring, i could sleep all day and still make straight As. My boyfriend hardly cares about me and just says “sorry” anytime i bring anything up. He knows im suicidal and i feel like a weight would be lifted off his shoulders if i did it because he wouldnt have to break up with me.

On top of that, i came out to my family to be open with my boyfriend and he doesnt even seem to appreciate that they all fucking hate me now because of it. He also told his family, but they hate ME because i turned him gay or whatever. 

I feel like i cant even exist without someone making me feel like a complete dumbass despite my apparently good grades. Im fucking stupid, i KNOW, dont make me feel worse about it. 

My best friend told me to my face that im “not fucking funny” and that i should “shut up because (my) opinions dont ever fucking matter”. 

Literally no one would care. I wish i had someone to talk to. Anyone. Anyone who would just talk to me and not make me feel like a waste of space. 

I want to hurt myself. I want to stop existing.",2.2772528032619803,3.7921649311926577,3.6938837920489327,90.15047910295618,76.29357798165137,6.4958205912334375,24.49643221202855,7.1686216300943375,0.8702071355759426,817,27,179,9,18,269,116,218,0.206,0.6409999999999999,0.154,-0.9441,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,2,2,11,18,7,0,3,0,16,10,3,4,3,46,44,12,1,10,8,0,7,4,1,5,1,1,0,0,8,11,1,1,8,0,0,2,9,9,0,1,5,8,36,9,25,31,3,19,0,1,0,5,16,11,4,4,9,113,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712979034973332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467969090140985,0.0,0.07336767051422828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173943220925891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356356732893673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197054453379596,0.1818006682833427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347821569378917,0.0,0.0,0.07118369400696699,0.0,0.0,0.057498149557206425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089799916243411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777320022155455,0.08064657338020685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809640723308908,0.0,0.2253993907556933,0.254771837019492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068881590929319,0.3296925981384886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477969959310346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986613236588548,0.17604589384738836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544318468786116,0.0,0.3852144821924563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799545045207964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422818551612448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380488969510481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041431341894316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090031282351071,0.0,0.09023048312126918,0.0,0.08116414018479992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922024037131712,0.0,0.15108292998681513,0.0,0.0,0.09980267822639104,0.0,0.0,0.0711999794373776,0.07453828531011195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752203268953284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332019508478844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247153776019302,0.0,0.17038447661708095,0.0,0.0,0.09697596640386093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517286419073188,0.0,0.0,0.10856781032535613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252483106702796,0.08594306083554122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085743108662256,0.19000128006593586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EternalDread666,2019/01/22,"I just had the knife pressed firmly against my wrist. I've lost all will to live. I have great friends, I'm doing well in school, etc. But everyday I have a death wish. I've already attempted once in the past and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it much longer. I'm just not sure.",-0.44046082949309096,1.5330114516129072,1.1868663594470057,102.32887096774193,87.70967741935482,4.833179723502305,18.534562211981566,6.18269132825596,-0.468279262672811,218,6,56,2,7,70,43,62,0.153,0.665,0.181,0.4359,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,3,12,13,3,1,2,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,1,4,5,5,10,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,29,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732641028639227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761711294666609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131709162745272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073292930250236,0.0,0.0,0.2730111909933638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866041859858248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703156563022741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652938833705593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203537034835154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26371616987454594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363893325493725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506131663627626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667736827729446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264767529582166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28476044520323074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,school_bus_lunchbox,2019/01/23,"One foot in front of the other: noose around neck, tightened for first time. For years, I studied methods and eventually settled on hanging because it's clean; you can hang yourself from anywhere, drop or no drop. 

I've studied hanging methods. Knots. Ropes. Places to hang from. High places. Low places. You name it. I studied it.

That said...

Tonight I put my head in the noose and tightened it. I felt the constriction. My neck in the rope, constricted. It's weird. The prelude to the moment of death. The moment of no return. The binary moment. On/Off.

I couldn't do it. 

I pulled the noose from my neck.

I've been doing this for years, only getting to this point tonight. I'll be back, I'm afraid, putting the next foot forward, stepping irrevocably into the void.

 ",1.0641666666666652,3.6040326388888886,1.663888888888888,93.82,97.61111111111113,3.7888888888888888,22.66666666666667,5.7366,0.3729916666666666,596,24,114,5,24,182,83,144,0.116,0.865,0.019,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,11,0,6,6,6,0,0,10,10,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,2,1,0,0,10,3,3,0,2,3,2,11,0,18,5,0,36,0,1,0,0,4,13,0,1,13,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756837913167505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517503576013536,0.0,0.12030303688060452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948743471071047,0.0,0.0,0.16786623981613233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310749418395718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253855505476132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851164516820467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098845023101034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337298105193389,0.15009395297222186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6185678254120325,0.0,0.1865600177454139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39678353475251066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877255242733264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507666725637257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541745112938675
suicidewatch,InsaneKing74,2019/01/23,"I've been looking into nitrogen suicide. I have dyspraxia which falls into autism range. I'm just tired everybody expects so much from me, I feel like a man trapped in a boys mind. I can talk like I'm intelligent and act normal most of the time but I get sick often and easy. I get sick by just talking to my parents. I've tried I held a job for a yr but I left that to stick with my family. Now I've been sick on and off for 2 months or longer idk I dont have a sense of time. No one believes me cause I play video games and play with my phone. So I tried to stop that only got me more sick and stuck in chronic depression. I finally admitted to my mother that she makes me sick of course being a bad talker I exploded on her. Now she says leave if I get sick from her. I cant live with my father he will drive me to suicide or worse. She finally said 2 days later after wanting to kick me out to my father's I refused she cant kick me I'm on the lease. That stay but we wont talk anymore. I just cant take it I do such stupid shit every day cause I can't follow basic instructions. Now I can just stand it here. She argued with me to the point where i took out my knife after and wanted to slit my throat. I'm a coward though I started to research nitrogen and helium suicide. Pretty easy out I've been researching it all day. Especially when my other option would be homeless in co and prolly freeze to death since I'm a idiot. How bad is being homeless? After a few hrs of research I started to breakdown I dont know about this anymore especially after typing this. I just want it to end I dont wanna go homeless but theres no way I could stay with either of my parents. I'm 24 and I can barely fill out a job application with everything shit in America right now I see no future. The world is just full of cowards who let shit like trump happen, nations gonna copy China and its horrific government. I dont know maybe I get 200 to 300 cash by selling some of my stuff leave to co should've listened to myself and stay there fuck my family. I dont know what's the point of living alone. Can someone help motivate me to go co alone even if I do wind up homeless I just cant stay here anymore.",1.084586590855249,2.9615748336887013,3.1932167732764762,90.73192418858092,81.04690831556503,6.2157972044539225,21.083203032456765,7.3011,0.5840774318881778,1723,50,381,24,45,585,225,469,0.262,0.665,0.073,-0.9987,4,3,0,0,0,4,30.0,1,0,0,1,25,15,7,0,15,0,31,13,4,5,1,67,67,24,4,10,16,5,2,3,0,4,8,4,0,2,16,24,0,3,6,4,2,8,14,10,0,1,8,8,63,5,58,50,8,60,0,1,2,1,30,23,4,8,26,238,79,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154045390240984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125886005087106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418814628983448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378713373314603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279259591612476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937670051728928,0.0,0.0,0.14388339018578086,0.0,0.06405294575534387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357930053324309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586786779846969,0.0,0.0,0.049119283117237234,0.0,0.06265814605091807,0.0,0.06683705494533193,0.0,0.14021483669187707,0.0,0.037602634447069766,0.05312842806902315,0.0,0.16293275412882188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875190637240622,0.155416590748241,0.0,0.0845299596074717,0.0,0.05947878697738415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657632703555239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984722211019153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759729076680694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261192527421727,0.0,0.0,0.15748969331384854,0.08080091881843393,0.07604619550246043,0.0,0.10899716856555444,0.0,0.13133640039682154,0.0,0.06245028886239366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049641137130892785,0.0,0.07471253081347998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509035852963261,0.0,0.05935973201188295,0.0,0.05466894840795339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286473224414686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050393599894986416,0.05656012360568807,0.0,0.0,0.16515345897388892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060336815185118,0.0,0.0,0.07565886932181576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350976286715565,0.07074088360379842,0.0591403227920665,0.0,0.0,0.05926157162544701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290126792435346,0.06151787852865283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301166307991615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527593594683607,0.3170650589089732,0.0,0.062174877346174336,0.0,0.0,0.08513342982015303,0.24403916976872303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591539028699378,0.1793222539307119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306606415280288,0.0,0.08672901732897471,0.08547493768077805,0.0,0.0,0.08262545062111643,0.10098181726958452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159230663810634,0.0590297613125907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578722277144856,0.05282880797238247,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justausername72,2019/01/23,"Trouble deciding how to do it I was thinking either jumping off a bridge or bleeding out in the tub. But that might be rather selfish. There are probably people out there who want to live and need my organs to survive. Do you think that I could just ask the hospital to help? If I died there they could immediately use my organs to help others. They’d probably just turn me away if I asked or lock me up in a loony bin. 

Did you know that sleeping with nothing on at 0 degrees C all night doesn’t kill you? God damn it Vsauce! I wasted a whole night on that. ",1.8068181818181799,3.8837118508771935,3.0465550239234465,91.67906698564596,79.6140350877193,5.899840510366826,22.64433811802233,6.980632752743323,0.6029754385964914,437,14,94,5,11,141,80,114,0.17,0.758,0.07200000000000001,-0.9307,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,2,1,7,4,2,0,5,0,11,2,1,2,1,25,20,7,2,7,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,14,0,16,13,3,13,0,0,0,0,10,10,1,5,2,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441018162024546,0.0,0.17290998167106675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29387911356393553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910026339402444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24671390157663264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036110415202672,0.0,0.10114260194665188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250913485861926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523548595633894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646202067019228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454148363477425,0.0,0.17658965177808816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758894084357894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968486929925646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841711470446988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358485420460679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018075376211386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894994691692446,0.0,0.0,0.1085505203492508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547211903752985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohlookathrowawayac,2019/01/23,"Too scared to attempt Throw away for obvious reasons. 
Ending it would just be great but what if the attempt fails. I’d have to live knowing people would be judging me and potentially risk just serious injury. It’s like a one shot make or break. How do you ensure an attempt is successful ",3.852,6.204817472727277,4.576363636363637,81.84454545454548,74.27272727272728,7.309090909090909,29.181818181818183,8.238735603445708,2.292018181818181,231,10,41,4,5,74,48,55,0.19,0.607,0.203,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,5,4,7,0,2,3,0,7,0,0,3,1,13,9,5,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,28,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021881360029293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848745256114121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35460544317581955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676304200233053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713537685831916,0.0,0.2840109753744319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146949015298577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179492572593809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298229307233075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306959524522768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220143067830878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569627684258663,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mysterado,2019/01/23,"(M/15) First Post A bit of background to whats going on. Within the start of 2019, i've already seriously screwed up. I've lost the trust of my mum and step dad, i'm terrified of my dad and am planning on getting an intervention order on him, I've lost one of my closest friends because my mum didn't like the way she acted and my health has been very slowly decreasing. Now everything is getting to me and i nearly jumped in front of a moving bus 2 days ago. My friend is the main cause, she made me happy. Something my family can barely do, i miss her so much. She used to soothe me and i used to soothe her with each others voices. Just talking to her for 5 minutes made me happy. I can't stop thinking back to the last conversation we had before my parents forcefully stopped me from contacting her, now everything is back and i want to kill myself.  

​

I hate myself so much and she was the only one that made me like myself for who i was. ",2.50077110637001,4.381293347150262,3.878061566595552,87.47964035355076,76.66839378238342,6.613715330691862,24.306309052118262,7.5105763829236425,1.1135744590064005,748,25,153,10,17,246,115,193,0.14,0.74,0.12,-0.486,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,4,7,14,3,0,9,0,13,2,0,6,0,21,29,9,1,1,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,10,0,2,1,0,0,6,2,7,0,3,10,1,34,7,24,19,5,28,0,3,0,1,21,8,1,0,13,105,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382370341066987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416986313880971,0.0,0.0,0.13912727529594826,0.15602670319426518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747176398673028,0.0,0.0782747839322447,0.0,0.10926359918660064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018551872975016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190779068871114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281090673890512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308051172536773,0.0,0.121049251234379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922162891171816,0.0,0.0,0.1984114983317869,0.0,0.1341731187892498,0.0,0.07297578885922225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27338002532938244,0.0,0.12677381976144045,0.0,0.1364890122560254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206162994640942,0.0,0.0,0.10466759775351353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254648552446862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28033948213008725,0.0,0.0,0.3645010870441884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136474695651215,0.1887855929282561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402174201288007,0.09765814765006392,0.0,0.0,0.1425790809248587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297694765271475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885280569153024,0.0,0.0,0.09088605400131106,0.0,0.0,0.2147054484649916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320745450390402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227704169032903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180220061067646,0.0,0.10594796213265506,0.0757368742736404,0.10192228691369536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602670319426518,0.0
suicidewatch,tonton8272,2019/01/23,"Can someone please just tell me I don’t need to die? I have so much guilt and hate towards myself. 
I have so many mental issues I’m very scared that I won’t be able to fix ever. 
I’m nothing but a burden.
Someone please just tell me that it’s okay. That I should still live even though I’m worthless. ",-0.3390384615384612,1.8156074615384623,1.1941346153846162,100.9727403846154,89.76923076923076,3.25,15.817307692307693,3.1291,-1.2857307692307691,235,5,55,0,8,75,45,65,0.187,0.662,0.151,-0.3349,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,2,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,7,12,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,3,9,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,34,12,0,0.20301376227985016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106962335069918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340886753174486,0.18363757073936135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004340601823284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118936231888444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926487147765166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582409068180293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045901230316081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923847433856285,0.1505321323524675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479718021896308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456962941892855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325219207930686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440258039503151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212705280025586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35488595285274954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994599906827817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750761520203603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uselessjuice,2019/01/23,Friend warned me beforehand Today before I left she told me to promise her I wouldnt kill myself. I asked her why she thought that she said she didnt know. I entertained the thought for a bit on what if she was right and id try something but then forgot about. A couple minutes ago I was crying telling myself to kill myself. How did she know,1.8717142857142832,4.087889028571432,2.6385714285714315,93.95642857142859,80.14285714285714,5.142857142857143,21.42857142857143,6.18269132825596,0.16942857142857148,272,8,57,2,7,85,48,70,0.102,0.741,0.157,0.599,0,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,13,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,9,1,18,3,5,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,3,38,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869330643150948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714503787562615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944398927484653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23022716537526414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333355429238426,0.2316426057131631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292594717592648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666166187137077,0.0,0.2317890944217553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912255589516675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009101140442565,0.20059588795031147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623463068794349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431907365622827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348315256162047,0.0,0.0,0.19989029684329215,0.20150559723132444,0.0,0.14317418916817665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028707978747075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rorrofighter,2019/01/23,"Tomorrow I'll either be on the streets or causing a breakdown on my parents and I can't handle it Learned so little in class and felt like an impostor so I dropped out from uni, I'm not actually graduating and tomorrow will tell my parents about it. Been trying to kill myself but I'm just a giant coward, as have always been, and knowing either way my parents will be sad, I'm the biggest asshole and disappointment I've ever seen. Sorry.",3.0640517241379333,5.268268551724142,5.062744252873569,78.13480603448278,76.12643678160919,7.108620689655173,30.415229885057467,8.07648339933343,2.481805747126436,352,17,62,6,8,121,61,87,0.189,0.792,0.02,-0.9446,3,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,1,17,14,10,1,0,6,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,6,1,8,6,2,13,0,2,1,0,4,8,0,1,4,43,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.21088113083784246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798114060444779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199286281442185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547362031161888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207488613498053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390811624031345,0.0,0.11876217842280468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557489536040178,0.21658764006463666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7198560036530265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419047705565168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887976388100927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671681290226782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152906692190156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liesatemymoment,2019/01/23,"Basically I feel like my life is in shambles I'm 21 and in law school. I have relapsed to my eating disorder and self harm. My anxiety and depression has got worse. And I really feel like the world would be a better place without me. I genuinely feel a financial burden would be off my father if I just get done with my life. I'm not an amazing student and the prospect of not getting a job scares me. Also, my friends have been really cold towards me and behaving disant. I've tried talking to them but it's hopeless. At this point of time I think it's better to just kill myself.  ",2.2547380585516166,4.3126835338983085,3.9936363636363663,85.53664869029278,78.0677966101695,7.3417565485362095,25.981510015408322,8.296473431620573,1.8234305084745768,459,18,92,9,11,154,77,118,0.192,0.6940000000000001,0.114,-0.8983,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,2,3,12,1,1,6,0,10,3,0,0,0,21,19,9,1,3,7,1,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,4,17,6,12,12,0,9,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,1,3,61,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938169583447035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333332997486186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30829520801354354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011792499730173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975437171363436,0.0,0.0,0.17836180013777994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834479923893468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643826630169573,0.24902927682837345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465799812562312,0.0,0.18212133601470087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393976807328415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295847024559305,0.0,0.19282889207416312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462159766213137,0.17030108017347562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182098627054786,0.0,0.1647628038467431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331255161726127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744972563559594,0.1763933739492979,0.0,0.0,0.1818251500128976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400897562085547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167963367920564,0.0,0.0,0.10163139231886534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833320616407406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801180647493855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761900705103698,0.24762486531646605,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unusedwings,2019/01/23,"Man, all the little things keep adding up. When I say little, they are little to most, but bigger to me. But it just adds up on top of my already out of control mental instability. I've been on top of my meds, but I just seem to be getting worse. I'm just fucking tired.",1.3747368421052641,2.9569636666666668,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,79.0,5.261754385964913,20.171929824561406,5.6839178017228535,-0.18804280701754367,207,5,47,1,5,70,40,57,0.136,0.792,0.071,-0.7218,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,13,8,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,11,6,2,12,0,0,0,1,3,11,1,2,1,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470915152662308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113538750527176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070022445374772,0.11698433112889127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902251284972486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6732533694565371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487148037885368,0.0,0.22564976865136585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806312881444872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038402959492666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487566146639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735292132529697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281845849622597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madangles100,2019/01/23,"Thought not immediately, I think eventually, I'll die by Suicide I'm not the person I wanted to be. I do no want an average 9-5 shit job. I wanted to excel and be a forefront in my field. I'm 22 and nowhere getting the best colleges to pursue my Masters. This feeling of average-ness is killing me. I cant have a normal social life. This is not who I am. I love talking to people and going to parties and talking to women and I know people enjoy that out of me but I can't be the confident version of myself unless I'm successful in my field - confident like many of my peers are in theirs.

I cant do it. I dont want an average college leding an avergae life with average proffs. 

Whats the point of living when you're not, nevermind the best, but not even in the top tier professionals. Maybe Im just not smart enough - but deep inside I know I am. But I cant. I dont have time too. 22 - I nee to earn and move on...but",0.02239963082602614,2.086373918781728,2.9966889709275537,89.52684702353486,86.46192893401016,5.8153207198892485,22.152514997692666,7.1686216300943375,0.8083928934010154,710,26,157,11,22,252,107,197,0.157,0.737,0.105,-0.9009,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,7,4,10,2,0,11,0,18,4,1,0,0,30,33,12,3,5,12,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,13,2,0,0,1,1,24,8,20,29,4,12,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,0,3,103,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228264165767432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962960906005572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605263445927791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589259624439678,0.0,0.10158948958902377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777052510238923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035892996491703,0.0,0.08741328157220518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661402702593351,0.0,0.15263184315958336,0.0,0.1701670300963465,0.0,0.16905896714609686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727989542047613,0.07514337899160467,0.0,0.13581629284905591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881875837013,0.0,0.0,0.15593833161515613,0.15452195939280944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634747795800368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070030521528735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326378937390925,0.1343002126197203,0.0,0.0,0.14539935742701826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578828769293195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567890535695649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682422402715781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472519289460263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985546895022828,0.0,0.12210728039177855,0.08968734928377052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36288247484665775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lololi59,2019/01/23,"Why is making new friends impossibly hard I can’t make friends in my college and I feel very lonely. I want to date people but nowadays, dating is just impossible if you’re an average 18 yo man. Girls expect too much from men. When you’re shy, it gets 10 times harder (if you’re a guy). Because of course, you’re the guy so you have to make the first move. And if you just say « hey » you’re not original enough. And people tell me ask advice on r/tinder. Why is dating so complicated that it needs advice? Do women even want men in the first place? Don’t care about me I’m probably just mad that I’ve never been loved by any woman.",0.9380370774263938,3.120301129770993,2.741728462377317,92.07185114503818,83.50381679389312,5.574918211559434,17.754089422028354,6.868970318607317,-0.031020065430752638,492,11,108,6,14,163,89,131,0.126,0.7879999999999999,0.086,-0.7478,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,2,9,6,1,0,5,0,8,1,0,4,1,21,20,10,0,7,8,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,1,3,8,4,9,19,2,15,0,1,0,1,17,4,0,3,10,55,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153049920043368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097118022642248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508243428313154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834694689945464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644894907819378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669985760385184,0.0,0.10655875974014613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815746858535834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274459109287372,0.0,0.0,0.24929056473114306,0.0,0.08428970305636821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194895741894147,0.0,0.0,0.1445224549242322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560910563120222,0.0,0.3230725899724394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147118103765524,0.1185981343568356,0.11962618980718015,0.12442976256745558,0.15581617517644314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236956301788808,0.0,0.16855838571468934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394399130068594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829827813881498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101193443689738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407442386729398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133116414795664,0.1903164717507968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911554261522059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somethingransom122,2019/01/23,"It’s time I fought it for so long. I realize my life is over and can’t be fixed. I tried, I really did.",-3.798200000000002,-2.424827719999996,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,106.2,5.7,10.25,7.1686216300943375,-0.7715999999999998,77,1,23,2,4,29,21,25,0.113,0.887,0.0,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473094102473093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604391588667963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056999352173314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692748032406056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299603737196573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brodyhyde9,2019/01/23,Wish I could go I have a 12 year old daughter. For this reason I have not killed myself yet. I am worried i will not have the strength much longer. I stay in my one room apartment until I have my weekend with her and I pretend everything is fine so she doesnt worry. I know she doesnt have much fun around me but i try my best to make her happy.  I dont have any friends or anyone to talk to so it is usually just me and her. Poor kid. I have been in and out of psych wards since my wife left me.  I tell myself to just wait another day. Maybe it will get better. I dont want to ruin my little girls life but I am so tired. Every day feels like torture. It would be so easy to just let go. I dont know why I posted this. Maybe  I feel guilty for being so weak and want to confess. Maybe to not feel so alone. Idk ,-1.2247291717269881,0.7634428156424597,0.9591838717512752,102.04738401748844,92.91061452513964,3.783434539713384,14.486519310177314,5.192301501255418,-1.2297813456400295,620,12,156,3,23,205,103,179,0.2,0.633,0.16699999999999998,-0.5828,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,2,0,2,0,24,3,0,2,0,30,37,14,1,5,9,2,3,1,1,3,3,0,1,2,5,7,0,1,7,2,1,2,8,4,0,1,1,3,33,8,17,29,3,20,1,1,0,0,13,8,0,1,9,105,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894883670201987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466714775787501,0.13055354384847154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705625446379017,0.0,0.0,0.11083516365076844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130659511056516,0.11011387621080783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940649891478068,0.0,0.0,0.16058986039698708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377541008601503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490018598455317,0.0,0.11189637639019144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885924316056213,0.08894584881235604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619166143995768,0.0,0.06504832293205387,0.0,0.141517249439279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253707099654552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377454867919247,0.0,0.1368485405950508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527421326651762,0.12731401349065138,0.08794102167689695,0.060826479210034125,0.12478594973330445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083107542206622,0.0,0.3752437091583501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830498735444224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306462484909984,0.0,0.08436729036188548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924063890438545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801108750206874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029911879899338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270494638369235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007178621390296,0.10882218724143324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430993003279313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453020142049325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371238226390066,0.0,0.14687164463559746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234570473633657,0.0,0.1431737232856319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528801840405062,0.0,0.08844423480295371,0.0,0.0,0.0801766439122375
suicidewatch,ohhml,2019/01/23,Can someone help me? I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t have anyone anymore. Can someone just talk to me? I know it sounds pathetic I’m sorry.,-1.8381818181818201,-0.15538769696969368,1.21560606060606,96.14340909090907,107.78787878787878,3.412121212121213,20.651515151515152,5.46131890053228,0.01975151515151552,118,5,26,1,6,41,21,33,0.16699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.084,-0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6021224855238678,0.21226417141735876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347750096797085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336697892414538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144301003170918,0.0,0.0,0.3398233127752904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439991809179471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Boop012,2019/01/23,"Can one mistake end your future? A while back, a somewhat well known internet personality (lets call him Max) was giving mean people room to vent on me. I tried to stay away and block people, but it became overwhelming. Eventually, I told him to stay out of my life and to ""kill the connection with me"". He didn't take that kindly, as he threatened to call the authorities on me. I realized later that it was a lie, as no one came. I felt so guilty, nonetheless, that I almost turned to self injury to cope with the guilt. Even though it has been months since that confrontation, I just feel like that person ruined any chance I have at a successful career knowing mob mentality, even though that situation has since been a dead topic. Is it worth trying to be successful anymore?",6.4889193302891925,7.102915136986304,6.658584474885849,76.21738964992393,65.43835616438356,10.050532724505327,28.55098934550989,9.994966539143718,2.6060541856925417,614,18,114,13,9,197,100,146,0.25,0.631,0.12,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,8,11,2,2,8,0,12,1,0,0,0,18,21,9,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,10,6,0,1,6,0,1,1,2,6,1,2,8,2,14,5,18,11,1,15,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,2,7,78,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546200739715925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987852447667372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406393861550085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648133694895842,0.11169989003518316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29666380365199985,0.1661445676230544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866175566127766,0.0,0.0,0.19189244813641665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345039587818014,0.1037774116477964,0.13947727013492398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393515141503759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607143028741986,0.15127124063184916,0.07983389624339557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854339986597578,0.10260503136626796,0.07096918694185242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582362724777016,0.0,0.0,0.14639304728800331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594921152752485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687077336156206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141705016613332,0.25367975259149106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515431734061953,0.0,0.0,0.2403295725396952,0.16328405118914727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30966652255155186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922127166498796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854444331467359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880702180541513,0.0,0.19725092574004527,0.1580067075414836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061076447397826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Swervy420,2019/01/23,"What's the point anymore About a month ago my wife decided she wants a divorce. We have been married almost 4 years, been together for 12 and known each other for 18 years. She refuses to discuss anything that doesnt involve me moving out and letting her move on. She spent 3 days last week with some guy she met online and says she is starting to really like... I almost put a bullet in my head while she was gone but my kids were home with me. She intends to take them to meet his kids this weekend. I am scared I will hit another low point while they are gone and try to kill myself, even more scared that when I try my .22 rifle fails to do the job and I end up even worse off but with no ability to finish the job.",3.7852348993288594,4.391165543624162,4.4760335570469785,89.51015771812081,71.41610738255035,7.570738255033557,24.967114093959733,7.554174236665415,0.9798370469798656,562,15,124,6,10,180,105,149,0.173,0.809,0.018000000000000002,-0.979,2,0,0,1,1,1,12.0,1,0,2,1,4,6,1,2,6,0,12,1,1,1,0,21,20,10,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,5,11,0,1,2,1,1,5,2,5,0,0,8,1,24,1,18,9,3,27,0,2,0,0,23,8,0,3,15,81,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670639699962106,0.0,0.308857365122414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171272881236515,0.0,0.0,0.15294443300391902,0.0,0.0,0.12690961520448965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945890313990734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659281745324686,0.0,0.0,0.20372122239618068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270168017022562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827383284231847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469486328580578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30607837278091843,0.0,0.17062117116149453,0.0,0.0,0.12570958194764864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577000204722405,0.0,0.07534392133023952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309663740111468,0.3278221207894478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291574797259851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503332399360575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879704405848223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264163977462945,0.3088015071151319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091574479456581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595396896202308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941001118487626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096273352314864,0.0,0.12370568487790548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571629784188875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198624770984599
suicidewatch,throwaway48051,2019/01/23,"I want to die I want to die so bad. I'm so scared right now, I don't want to be feeling this way but I feel like it's the only option. I have nothing going for me. I don't know what to do. ",-3.3833333333333333,-1.9383505744680816,0.5203191489361707,105.28416666666668,97.29787234042551,3.1333333333333333,12.088652482269502,3.1291,-1.9354794326241136,141,2,42,0,6,52,31,47,0.213,0.613,0.174,-0.5848,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,13,3,2,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,5,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200750484425288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471007931062276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665440090616111,0.1882988309315436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979638162923514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485454100898015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876997721494765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529083933271045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046151447315894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509256409936254,0.0,0.0,0.26388567473722313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663920691827881,0.20921445352925272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iDaisukekun,2019/01/23,"I'm tired of everything. I don't feel like fighting to live anymore.

I left my house because my brother tried to kill me.
I'm living with my girlfriend who i don't really know why i love, if i do at all.
No friends, no care from my family.

I haven't accomplished anything meaningfull in my life, i have been fighting all my life alone.
Just want it to end here.",0.9671000000000021,3.1514592266666703,2.6982500000000016,92.415375,83.4,6.416666666666668,24.041666666666664,7.6454224807358475,1.1815666666666664,282,11,62,5,8,93,50,75,0.218,0.59,0.192,-0.3032,0,1,0,0,4,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,8,13,1,1,2,2,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,14,4,8,12,2,4,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,2,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223112860989024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136413482108257,0.0,0.0,0.17727445687748267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313196265708697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963771306902025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908004959937255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360795575389028,0.0,0.20308126921872915,0.0,0.10892414682562944,0.15389795913770413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643497790329706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485687744162947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23833320588607315,0.0,0.11839063536839226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340573014216216,0.0,0.3043187274340554,0.10524460823016883,0.0,0.3804442313878312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442732061989232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800524332492475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475966058962687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625781481446498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270618396834986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438540311515315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blame21forwhat,2019/01/23,"Why. Why are we here? What purpose do we serve? Why do some of us cling on to the pain? Why don’t we kill our selves? The way I see it, if life is going to be as hellish as it is, with no end and no reward, then there’s no reason to keep living. I do the same thing every single goddamn day and get nothing but negative emotion out of it. Then I’m forced to keep doing it.

I don’t see why I keep putting up with this. ",-0.3741607565011833,1.1326789361702119,1.9152482269503568,99.93388888888893,84.1063829787234,4.6033096926713934,17.891252955082738,5.033348758259628,-0.8095399527186764,316,7,82,1,9,107,60,94,0.191,0.747,0.062,-0.8768,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,5,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,0,10,2,0,1,0,16,18,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,0,2,9,1,13,17,3,10,1,0,2,0,5,3,0,2,4,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984414671024496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170171342537222,0.13519551212866146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860747474481246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974914887098862,0.0,0.08674997051910575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070256893235624,0.1688757655435706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078155640830793,0.0,0.0,0.13478568918543127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646412300842127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242185807994314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534473775789739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569414062373782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327183475757816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140856723200796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836095407510309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116012068138872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6886783492783387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onlyhoomanbeing,2019/01/23,"exhausting newbie here, there are days, i feel like i'm on a loop, home-office-home for 6 days, 7th day i go to a car wash spending almost half the day, spending time with family, at 33, being single and have limited funds, stuck without my own place, no kids, no SO. it made me wanna die, inside im somehow half dead, smoking kills but didnt kill me fast enough, the depression and anxiety is always a part of my life. pressure ofcourse from parents, spent my working years to help fund my 2 sister's doctorate degree. i managed to travel once a year, saved up money for a 2nd hand car, 

but my life didnt go as planned, infinite times i quarreled years ago with my parents, why did this shit happend to me. i should be enjoying my life, due to the fact that i endured the years of helping them, i dont feel so happy for myself even if others say i did was a good thing.  

maybe im a fool for helping them? maybe. the family business wasnt doing very good, parents asked for my help.

i told myself after 2 of my sisters graduate from medicine, i wanna die, there are a few people who knows i wanna commit suicide, i tried to do good, maybe the good karma forgot about me, maybe in the next life i will find a better. 

im on the verge of doing, one step closer as my depression, who knows when rhat day will come  ",4.365897832817336,4.744553161654135,5.37325519681557,84.4081225121628,70.01503759398497,7.91295886775763,27.30119416187528,7.724431198458867,1.4959250773993809,1015,31,208,11,17,335,155,266,0.166,0.638,0.196,0.9231,3,0,0,0,0,5,39.0,0,0,2,4,9,17,3,1,17,0,19,9,2,1,2,26,33,10,6,5,4,5,3,1,0,3,7,1,0,1,7,5,0,2,5,1,6,7,7,8,0,4,11,4,31,9,32,17,5,33,1,2,0,0,17,8,1,3,19,130,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780631541323592,0.0,0.08818307199820423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327605072862234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736848733777137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232766918202218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788518377689878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585907746847052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839689969178068,0.0,0.1516982667613558,0.0,0.18279242851395505,0.0,0.0,0.09013692569026983,0.0,0.0,0.10320999728593536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909933401456905,0.0,0.05816524146997221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660372325546772,0.0,0.08905530267209355,0.06291272289497929,0.0,0.0,0.08048862385715183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009725712568857,0.2954546043210122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374544323601466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361089597929545,0.0,0.08833506859373648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853717144346625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485886651903075,0.0,0.09679500986270596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488079748176585,0.04302347419598177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332799960737544,0.0,0.0,0.35388728172002104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365674106185434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378496345867228,0.059674240347462076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293352942404192,0.09536440235227242,0.0,0.06105227940369026,0.0,0.09200782019978658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070031786652959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039611969425604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632739144997864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058505607369252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270130008519876,0.0,0.0,0.08414863658730365,0.0,0.05978946976427658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266177298880187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946378931555541,0.0,0.0,0.08489026156653387,0.0,0.06411142041488069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268405349300265
suicidewatch,pothos_dreamcatcher,2019/01/23,"Can’t shake this unsatisfied feeling I’m 29. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 12. It’s been a nearly every day battle against myself since then. I used to cut, but stopped after high school. I have felt continuously unsatisfied my whole life. What am I looking for? I don’t even know. 

A couple days ago I went out with a girlfriend. We had lunch, a couple glasses of wine, and an overall good time. Maybe got a little bit too tipsy off red wine. On the way home I started crying and could not stop. Apparently I wouldn’t tell my friend why. When I got home, I self injured. 

Every time I get drunk lately all I do is cry and self injure. I’m scared I will actually kill myself one of these times. Obviously drinking isn’t helping, but that’s not the underlying cause. I’ve had therapists before, but my last one told me that it didn’t really seem to be going anywhere; she basically implied I was using her to just talk to about my life, like a friend. Apparently that’s not what therapists are for. She did get me on antidepressants though, and without them, I know I would not still be here. Another fun tidbit; whenever I masturbate, after I climax I can’t stop sobbing. That’s just weird to me and makes me feel like something is deeply wrong.

I don’t feel satisfied with my job. I’ve been heartbroken multiple times in my life and recently extremely hurt by a good friend. I don’t feel like I’ll ever connect with anyone on that level. I keep trying to make myself better but nothing sticks. I don’t even know how to figure out what the hell it is that I want so badly. I’m living paycheck to paycheck and don’t see myself ever getting out of that rut. I can’t believe all there is to life is working to pay bills and then dying. If that’s the case, I’ll cut out the middle part. 

I guess I’m part venting, to save my friends from having to deal with this, and part desperately asking for any sort of advice on how to feel fulfilled. A tall order, I know. Sorry. I’m new to reddit so please be nice if I broke any rules or anything. ",2.180271310610294,4.269745118644067,3.797142857142859,86.70045383994537,78.44309927360773,6.4635003414664425,22.696281120009928,7.516190064127842,0.9543460483019804,1606,50,327,23,39,534,215,413,0.187,0.6559999999999999,0.156,-0.9368,3,0,4,0,0,1,49.0,1,0,1,2,17,26,5,2,14,0,35,11,0,7,5,68,71,24,3,6,14,0,6,3,5,3,6,0,2,2,17,18,5,4,13,4,2,3,16,13,0,2,15,9,48,13,44,49,7,46,1,3,3,0,18,17,2,6,27,204,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.07721777041513295,0.0,0.0,0.07732322292395452,0.07014243092895056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076198646895992,0.08297288320081234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532832139668361,0.0,0.06511581838211483,0.0,0.07397424448607738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606879451475166,0.0,0.0,0.06733232384245412,0.08915045577177395,0.0,0.06998251843881319,0.08638756928566832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081286523106628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631774793752896,0.17510783619549536,0.17383736291884722,0.102062367187974,0.08157776476549433,0.0,0.0,0.08212264437608971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751557341239909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452694302758264,0.14315208833970114,0.1333379489038163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004813685669245,0.1130584939658248,0.07597554156311365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445371991989212,0.0,0.1240237547434424,0.0,0.044970415442165686,0.1327380657786951,0.12657220104161093,0.0,0.08716870282503487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303800681658148,0.08360335442851773,0.15874419926549838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470844223873995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852259145448283,0.07033283598439641,0.08754369931382919,0.0,0.1739472961097672,0.06450009555071984,0.08926012738297108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235625293673008,0.11597421731121905,0.07930730738601185,0.06987170603121429,0.0,0.06644781205779395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105637460146163,0.0,0.07949497586464761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642256959991517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592570256390514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723871789019536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570645938953465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685907113340295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050691591549119584,0.0,0.07812961372539305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922119541940316,0.0800820267329547,0.06305498093521973,0.07203539889397198,0.16509607133249482,0.0,0.0,0.1309114338821792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091680280630508,0.0,0.08857761223559657,0.05600739190668645,0.0,0.06319193314111668,0.19846431329012576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655347681557883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636003005698573,0.0691615896855341,0.0,0.0,0.18374802458341602,0.0,0.0,0.07774311675845258,0.06281900220386345,0.18456130622970432,0.0,0.0,0.07561044637759026,0.0,0.05372289654231275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668282677547475,0.0,0.0,0.04667189973029336,0.06280833214652197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733526926636192,0.07140094985104563,0.08834387993937129,0.0,0.07627682194822938,0.0,0.05760631796382393,0.0,0.0,0.05621044781908167,0.08651433395796941,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bakinreeder,2019/01/23,"If things don’t go well with this new psychiatrist and therapist tomorrow, I’m not sure what’s left for me My motivation to fucking live is so low these days, but I gotta go and do this. I know which meds work for me and I can get myself back on them. I can melt to this new therapist. I’ve got a new mindset and I’m ready. 

But what if I choke? What if I fuck this up? What if the shit doesn’t work?

At this point I’m getting really fucking fed up with everything. I’ve never felt this impatient or on edge before. I don’t want to have to sit through any more of this. I just want it to be done. It’s so frustrating to keep hitting walls and thinking “ok ok, trial and error” because fuck that noise. ",0.2572268211920523,2.2471593377483465,2.39128725165563,94.72746067880794,84.76158940397352,6.159105960264903,20.033526490066226,7.413659706084162,0.4153341059602651,544,16,130,9,16,183,90,151,0.182,0.695,0.124,-0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,5,11,6,0,2,2,10,6,1,1,2,26,31,15,0,6,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,17,8,1,1,4,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,4,1,13,4,17,24,1,19,0,1,0,4,1,9,5,5,7,80,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702239302055768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970657264591567,0.0,0.08697201155688469,0.0,0.12140404014950225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201214971307324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600380416414008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282251085007837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698825722828695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527594799707926,0.1490812935116237,0.0,0.16216847452510227,0.0,0.1141084675246115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681413556521626,0.0,0.0,0.07840923688531727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501440916167009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598269182236768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584773119035577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003805495966214,0.4133828232222528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348719071448699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139984578686383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464515737469087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446742077159068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33130822286949435,0.09478546536317904,0.09141896612517897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830422196530434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827997696855192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773498788810454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itbewhatitis,2019/01/23,I can’t wait. I want to rip my skin off. I want to be dead. I know what it’s like being on the edge and I almost welcomed it with open arms. I don’t want to do this cycle that we call life. I don’t want to be anything. I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to be you. I want to be nothing. I am broken. I’m tired of feeling tired. I’m tired of the countless nights in which all hell breaks loose. I want nothing more than to sleep for eternity and forget everything. Let me rest.,-2.3381536697247682,-0.562368834862383,0.4907282110091735,103.67811066513764,99.73394495412843,3.4589449541284405,14.151949541284404,5.148860815047168,-1.3089775229357796,363,8,96,2,16,124,61,109,0.197,0.631,0.172,-0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,14,7,3,0,1,19,27,2,1,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,17,2,16,20,3,7,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,3,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830349295410575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187592947202434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122944850650324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331051860279659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488519141534064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139338842413392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144507799383547,0.10460933970707936,0.07235551401991151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389843814634093,0.0,0.2842171318953749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820969027308753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5106669117917215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6988386295293166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prince_34zy,2019/01/23,Shot in the dark but here goes My ex texted me multiple times teasing me with how much better she’s doing when I’m not around. I can’t anymore. Saw her name pop up and  an instant wave of idk what hit me . Used to abuse me emotionally and kept me around for sex and shit like that. 17m . I wrote a suicide note a week ago already.,1.4028638497652608,2.8166371971830984,2.819366197183101,95.92557511737093,78.43661971830986,5.860093896713615,21.6924882629108,6.42735559955562,0.07184319248826299,255,7,62,2,6,83,61,71,0.241,0.674,0.085,-0.9313,0,0,0,0,2,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,4,0,2,2,1,2,0,13,8,6,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,10,2,8,4,1,8,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,0,5,35,12,0,0.0,0.3125907314661649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338658774941465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911386097650951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616445522472908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697222428072002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333327041448205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967687994349624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889208305149946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394250505594016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27081365196336304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28858288111155234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538390930469619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278610022413225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162534585024528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhomstThrowItAway,2019/01/23,"I’ve pushed away everyone who makes life worth living 20/F. I yelled and cursed at my mom. I kicked my boyfriend out of the house and blew off plans for the millionth time because I can’t bear to be around other people. I’m alone in my room feeling like swallowing all the pills in my nightstand is the smoothest way out. Right now I hate myself more than I love my family. I’ve worked my ass off for three years in college and have no idea what’s next. Semester starts on Monday and every time I think about the pile of work ahead of me I get sick to my stomach. Nothing makes me excited, everything makes me anxious. Fucking everything. Biochem? Yup. Buying bandaids at CVS? Yup. Every single thing I do feels like a battle. I’m so so exhausted. I don’t want to go on. 
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suicidewatch,GoldRequiem,2019/01/23,"I want to commit suicide after I graduate from university I have been struggling with depression for along time. At the time I have always been able to temporarily suppress those feelings and thoughts.  A lot of personal things had kept hitting me and I can no longer just brush those feelings of being sad. Ever since I was a kid I never have been able to have many friends, now I have no friends and my family aren’t people who take mental health seriously. They once saw me have a mental break down, then told me to just “stop that”. I have recently been getting seizures, apparently related to stress, but will be confirmed by another neurologist (which keeps being deferred). This mental thing has really been a detriment to my schooling. For four years, everyday I have struggled to wake up, but still did, went to school, did the minimum, went home and just sat in my room being depressed. I’m about to graduate this April with a pointless degree I lost interest long ago (got by with Cs). This year for the first time I don’t see anything ahead of me... i have been planning on dying in April, just after I graduate, because then it wouldn’t be noticed by the school.  

I have heard everything already online. From distract yourself, make friends, things will get better, etc. But it hasn’t, never has, every year is the same. I am too weak. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it will be April 2019. ",5.6351218504750085,6.6786838401487,5.723091697645604,80.64854502271788,67.47583643122678,8.803056588186701,30.92957455596861,8.998388855275968,2.5230791408508884,1119,43,209,19,18,353,153,269,0.126,0.804,0.07,-0.9081,2,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,1,5,9,15,0,4,13,0,39,3,1,1,4,32,62,9,2,2,7,0,2,0,3,4,2,1,2,2,14,8,0,4,4,0,0,2,9,10,0,2,20,8,26,5,36,31,3,37,0,4,3,0,9,8,0,1,26,154,40,6,0.21191717842226893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392589616023203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692793802171962,0.0,0.08816603438927012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110681948746026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719489066385785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459137251103914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937117615238294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825239552498168,0.0,0.1099682868973482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938478598655684,0.0,0.11817183585853773,0.0,0.09584561018518653,0.08927468136686058,0.0,0.09522874773369444,0.0,0.09988832783531028,0.0,0.10715169280906303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901283218540206,0.0,0.0,0.2455900295486325,0.0,0.11071797916665052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474476329347992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262902548442595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628510431405902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418086259394896,0.0,0.0,0.058232069573937874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377001712950284,0.0,0.0,0.11566631685301282,0.09008220343229904,0.0,0.0,0.0707281810803617,0.10742537860189713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203440085960111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344359227890262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063455610567728,0.0,0.1128424393956036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345834432840873,0.09251895308585248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787978547339373,0.0,0.10462132390654656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217072474222971,0.16887055419296595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765003994129902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461866621630149,0.08858612509206253,0.12137520594465095,0.2215418470393731,0.0,0.1159014988220446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966767237764258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118253535739864,0.0,0.0,0.08411928414437324,0.18535591639624568,0.0,0.0,0.10124797274682347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249712120911065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644934750480256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470157238948766
suicidewatch,Bottom-layer-of-hell,2019/01/23,"I want to kill myself even more now. Basically I want to kill myself because of my parents. My mom was always a bitch and never validated anything I was feeling, when I told her about my problems to get some emotional support to feel better it always turned into “just fix your karma” even though I wasn’t a bad kid. So basically being bullied was MY FAULT, falling down the stairs was MY FAULT. And when my parents got separated she blamed their separation on me. She also always told me I needed to lose weight even though I was either underweight or normal weight. When I would cry as a child she would stick a camera into my face and laugh at me and threaten to show the picture to all of her friends if I didn’t stop which of course made me cry more and pretty much traumatized me to the point where I fucking hate any type of camera and hate getting my picture taken, panic attacks are triggered by crying so when I start crying I can’t stop and it gets worse and worse because my response to fear is my own fear. My dad would always accuse me of things on a whim and/or slap me in the face for basically no reason. Recently I decided to live with my dad and just be on the best best behavior not to anger him but recently I went to a concert and I didn’t know where to find him to go home. He literally screamed at me through the phone to the point where I had no idea what he was saying. I told him to meet at a certain store but when he got there and I tried to explain why I couldn’t find him he said “shut the hell up” and “bullshit”. I was scared to come home because I felt like I knew what awaited me as soon as I’m out of public so I refused to go. The people in this store laughed at me and took his side because they thought I was a just spoiled teen that was arguing with her dad and the cop inside the store forced me to go home. As I was walking down the street my friend let me use her jacket because I was freezing and I didn’t have one but when I tried to toss it back to her in the car my dad accused me of throwing it at him and hit me with my own phone. When I tried to explain that I didn’t, he just said “bullshit” and drive aggressively so I had to get out of the car and run away on the streets of DC in the middle of the night on the coldest day of the year so far with no jacket. I successfully ditched his car by luring him to a one way street and then hiding behind some hedges Incase he tried to make an illegal turn. I took an Uber to my friends house and then called the last person I would call for help, my mom and ran away to her place. I have almost nothing except what I escaped with now and all of my stuff is at my dads house. My writing is shit I’m sorry for anyone that had to read this mess but I’m really upset right now because I now have no better parent to run to. I’m stuck with the lesser of 2 evils until I turn 18 and my runaway plan was foiled. I want to die I literally have nowhere to go.",5.2117941651620265,4.469129820678519,5.88379977192816,85.30530243276634,68.24071082390952,8.574760049415566,29.19134277297349,7.5105763829236425,1.5037246602679843,2305,68,514,20,34,754,265,619,0.215,0.7040000000000001,0.08,-0.998,3,0,0,0,1,3,27.0,0,1,2,7,33,38,13,5,32,0,37,6,3,5,4,86,87,51,3,12,13,10,6,1,3,4,0,5,3,3,15,34,2,3,13,3,3,18,13,25,0,2,37,11,97,13,90,41,12,84,2,1,0,1,60,39,4,5,27,354,112,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397514390851937,0.0,0.0,0.0510916421792134,0.21264153240236605,0.0,0.0,0.04344639788130509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044672352496227516,0.0,0.05257482458198205,0.0,0.0,0.07268243724802162,0.12005077240955575,0.049126343486073684,0.05334426208962701,0.233675165144849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409416177740985,0.11300844317535336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304746845632771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503431994194703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807142438914061,0.041202822790624816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630621759132048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186600808935133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265933339311777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378473864612212,0.06460793069649419,0.0,0.06134301724907625,0.0,0.11678593583958688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808038205333846,0.059063925539749235,0.1335165005297949,0.0,0.14523731787421512,0.0,0.10219500318137496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615341229363047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282314150144565,0.0,0.19225624365530056,0.0,0.0,0.14743759413153118,0.0,0.0721223848710415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136640678224302,0.0,0.03511147063304435,0.05207768700994465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653303605053379,0.0,0.031212713401370894,0.0,0.05641475111743194,0.0,0.0,0.07147493395746528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045288109944105,0.04264609640532526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496509712601451,0.0,0.0,0.04696542784738992,0.04737254271760365,0.04927478048134128,0.0,0.0,0.0599550666544972,0.06259720416231758,0.06130277700168577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658505600571963,0.0,0.0,0.07495943587612063,0.21282198817793468,0.0,0.0,0.044292269165603096,0.05578500863942835,0.06674992608683887,0.0,0.12079064138491954,0.0,0.0,0.06499761330020186,0.0,0.061132704233025886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390582892550549,0.0,0.04092863454217848,0.06568805951439588,0.1261644509223827,0.0,0.0,0.05456046389047245,0.12154526331702604,0.05080673113072106,0.06396357376495848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558066798046616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151798965113565,0.045220637288298914,0.0,0.0,0.10682735998987128,0.0,0.0,0.07313709284807722,0.0,0.07249995782810115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244470697255194,0.0,0.12554033190665842,0.05072036416562042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314471292703705,0.1419650369180897,0.17350449902500814,0.2084771556715467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055179185485471856,0.0,0.0,0.11304934817045915,0.05071174911006331,0.0,0.15559805955672398,0.0,0.05922531644730239,0.05764946992414199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021576037152033,0.1815383424298379,0.0,0.0,0.04114212494981318
suicidewatch,throwa55363way,2019/01/23,16/M I've been so fucking depressed for so long. I have fucking horrible brain fog and I'm dog shit at fucking everything because I was fucking babysat my whole life. Now I'm 16 with no life skills and have failed 4 classes since grade 10(currently 11). I have no motivation to live and I'd rather off myself than have no future. ,1.4636363636363647,4.0431743787878816,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,85.51515151515152,5.724242424242425,26.431818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.4094000000000009,263,12,53,4,8,84,46,66,0.292,0.675,0.033,-0.9569,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,5,0,0,0,6,8,2,1,0,6,12,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,6,10,1,5,0,2,0,4,0,2,5,0,3,28,5,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260577223763731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308468677936565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810857072271247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585019294971786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7646988680410163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921248457564758,0.0,0.0,0.1826000216125282,0.1830033072066772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226773411922256,0.17105944604768905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308744884382415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acquaintedwithpaint,2019/01/23,This life feels like purgatory I've thought about offing myself multiple times but I know I'm too scared to actually go through it. At the same time I hate my life so it feels like I'm dead on Earth anyway ,2.018255813953488,4.0091098372093015,3.4211046511627927,89.68188953488372,78.53488372093022,7.090697674418602,22.377906976744185,8.07648339933343,0.9668186046511632,165,5,37,3,4,54,34,43,0.281,0.624,0.095,-0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,2,6,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2870265885788873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974400009989719,0.4202503343261227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715977244546956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29039059658876576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164510684033995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155027385107463,0.2873922568081307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944735304079229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335048500308799,0.3430169106539864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stonmands,2019/01/23,"I am getting bad again, and I dunno if I can make it through this time. I know I'm getting bad again, I can tell. I can't sleep, I don't wanna eat, I am irritated and the suicidal thoughts are back.


Everytime I've gone through this before I've had a support system, and a good one at that. When I was 12, I had a massive friend group who got me through it. When I was 16, I had three amazing friends who made sure I was okay and helped me in school. When I was at University, I had my friends who made sure I ate, slept and stopped me when I tried to kill myself. Now I have no one.  I have nothing.


I moved away from my town, my friends are dropping out my life, I'm not close to my family, I have dropped out of university. I am going to go back to school but I'm 3 years behind my peers. I'll be 21 when I graduate from the place most people leave when they are 18. 


My life is unrecognisable from what I want it to be. I've tried so hard to stay positive, to move forward and better myself but I can't do it anymore. For the first time in my life, I feel like a failure, I know I am a failure. There's very few things I have left. 



I want to be okay, I really do. I have a niece/nephew on the way and I want to meet them. I'm talking to some people online who I want to keep talking to. I want to get a tattoo because I've wanted one for years. I want to be around for the people I love. I want a family with two kids. I want to go to Greece with my friend.  I want to go back to  university  and get a degree. I want to be a paramedic and be there for people when they need it.



 I want a life, but I don't know if I am good enough for one.  I'm close to giving up. There's too many mountains to climb and the view at the top doesn't seem worth it. ",0.4088462704669524,1.746501306701031,2.5765676167374174,96.91546088538507,81.0360824742268,5.8018192844147976,20.174651303820497,6.522977012572876,-0.11427252880533655,1329,34,342,12,34,451,161,388,0.081,0.736,0.182,0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,0,3,4,19,19,1,0,18,2,37,9,2,3,2,53,80,23,2,16,6,0,2,1,5,0,4,0,0,1,15,17,2,2,6,0,1,9,7,3,0,7,15,3,61,16,48,59,4,50,0,0,1,1,21,18,0,6,21,225,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762902839652247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848077473952946,0.0,0.0,0.07227485276228059,0.17745488034473875,0.1284606041546273,0.046893598478008766,0.0,0.0654586712491434,0.0,0.0,0.06803511903721071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871487671878008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948549940048634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503866247301675,0.0,0.038896281836776105,0.054956210970442926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543352729959183,0.0,0.0,0.2971655962744254,0.0,0.16076340407382134,0.07379477951029947,0.17487610540541434,0.12904437147283346,0.0615250419445594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891091371856961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156212133773717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837568831717193,0.08510762597064317,0.0,0.12683015624154834,0.0,0.0,0.08145391390257023,0.08358072133100725,0.0,0.217341468084814,0.03758233654173107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942904837902421,0.14557917430508685,0.05134894639520983,0.07799126066944131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352110497848804,0.0,0.05703992537772496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381292252915303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850918485982484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133242239561937,0.0,0.08037167913191012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928099962914828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570717782273802,0.0,0.07003087410935785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698192092251704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199327037362986,0.0,0.06431388619400939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414495833528664,0.08729512808833001,0.1450043784237913,0.0,0.0,0.12366099753485815,0.06723703421979672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110645913237215,0.0,0.0,0.061070941544857225,0.08971276483840397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445590535515424,0.0,0.07514588137386735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347230801828325,0.5444779624419221,0.06106056840257031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907611466024724
suicidewatch,Eternium_Ore,2019/01/23,"I lost my job and am scared that I won't be able to continue school anymore. I lost my job two weeks ago. They didn't state a reason as to why. Since then, I've been more depressed than usual. It is hard to get out of my bed at all... Except to play WoW maybe... sometimes.

I live on my own and my goal is to get a good degree. Well, that dream is gone. I don't want to live anymore. I have only 500€ or something and next month's rent will take most of that. How am I gonna eat? Why do I even try anymore?",-1.3040688259109317,0.4762889035087703,0.9756140350877196,103.68686234817814,89.78947368421049,3.858569500674765,14.909581646423753,4.713530739802397,-1.3684337381916327,381,7,102,1,13,127,78,114,0.124,0.759,0.117,0.2132,3,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,3,3,8,0,1,2,0,13,1,0,2,1,11,21,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,1,2,1,1,3,4,1,1,5,1,14,4,14,12,4,12,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,60,18,4,0.15036356451826882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328822752710992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473607563211769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295079177896955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385946480722312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931371625176534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711751286706993,0.0,0.0,0.12611782396692522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469621939439874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984252726115203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655475645156733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282791857876286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106041079531474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001876264639913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599133567026264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435826645786006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459878734108706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505401592187023,0.15217595482007434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124382294383714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575721806527302,0.1487134100949571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130546875412452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208699018430643,0.0,0.14688335385389514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560422311248718,0.0,0.08868832613849749,0.0,0.1206125816661596,0.0,0.13519490244007326,0.0,0.2713594588427625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatCrAzYSmileGirl,2019/01/23,"It's so hard to deal with (F/13) I don't want to do this anymore. I feel so fucking worthless. People will probably tell me ""You are so young and have so much to live for!"" Live for what? Everyone hating me? I am quite annoying, and I feel like everyone will hate me. Most of my friends are depressed too, plus my boyfriend. I SEEM like I talk about how I feel a bit, but it's only about a 6th at most. I really want to help them, but I don't have people skills. I always end up embarrassing myself or making someone uncomfortable. I have been cutting to deal with everything. I haven't gone below the skin... yet. I am planning to go below the skin tonight actually. I recently got a razor blade out of a pencil sharpener, and I will cut with that now. Before you say ""You don't want to live with scars!"" Don't worry, I won't. I'm gonna kill myself when I get the guts to. I don't want to live anymore. I am so useless. I procrastinate on everything, and never finish things. I am a waste of everything. I want to rid the world of the biggest burden, me. Honestly, I love being alone, but I crave attention and affection. Whenever I want to be alone, everyone wants to talk to me, but when I want attention, everyone ignores me. One more thing, No, I don't want to talk about it one on one, but thank you if you want to offer.",1.4918336644904926,3.4696716051660523,3.5842250922509216,87.93011566846441,80.18081180811808,7.268861765540732,22.969202384331545,8.263242389622931,1.3398048822026687,1019,34,220,21,26,347,132,271,0.208,0.6679999999999999,0.124,-0.9,0,2,0,0,0,2,51.0,0,5,1,3,14,19,7,1,10,0,24,5,3,3,1,41,50,21,1,11,7,0,6,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,10,13,0,3,3,7,43,6,36,40,5,21,0,3,0,2,17,9,1,5,12,153,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.08740757924423208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553539600755686,0.0,0.0,0.07452956867409356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765910924262626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621762970255626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778744280570204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468585404558244,0.07714666850839982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793325974704247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423525982638721,0.2414997184504217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586812942893922,0.06398895757688622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920170221903146,0.08280619209133029,0.04679672443542491,0.0,0.05090479989612335,0.0,0.07163745879467474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023729177569387,0.17686402649165173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600370064928465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990961380258544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875189353903053,0.0,0.31636845503408395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084058840443663,0.0,0.05978879355907686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584439155445601,0.0,0.06908204797613934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208522497433005,0.06812216136426641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419337574234005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657180809680356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526891643878208,0.0,0.0,0.05738095365257492,0.0,0.08843975119081114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122980565712192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154133178624856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589252651012865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159793639001773,0.0782882890634544,0.08246419159027221,0.0,0.0,0.11901290091069297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283081539680126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909628700196026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hhjkkh10,2019/01/23,"How do i stop myself from going insane? I have came back to uni after the Christmas break and I'm already getting annoyed. Certain people have pissed me off and I tried to sleep last night but my mind was just thinking about how I wanted to hurt someone, it didn't matter who. I had a short dream where my mind just went full overload and my life rushed before me, but nothing about what happened in the dream was clear to me. I want to increase my computing skills but my body is so fucking lazy I hate it. It's like two parts of me are fighting constantly. My soul genuinely feels like it is dying as I become more heartless by the day and death just feels normal and murder more like human nature. For example a family member of mine died and I have to carry his coffin down the alter in two days and I'm not even sad about it... Please someone give me advice to save myself from the boredom and being so dam lazy :(
Sorry if this post doesn't fit in this subreddit completely but I just desperately need help",2.3881343283582126,4.716086059701492,3.3583557213930355,88.88499626865674,78.95024875621891,5.612039800995025,21.492786069651746,6.742157984588678,0.5379968159203985,802,23,155,8,20,256,128,201,0.271,0.5820000000000001,0.146,-0.9887,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,14,14,7,0,7,0,13,5,3,2,2,35,29,18,5,5,10,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,9,0,1,3,2,0,5,3,9,0,2,6,2,25,5,23,22,5,24,1,2,0,1,6,9,2,1,11,108,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641901322308028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405603391614928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073465441134,0.0,0.0,0.15418119794666646,0.11879237348445885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506811800725467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966931705959878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637170888923134,0.15086188657561295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006553390419686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897729733814656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220685509366174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160584100923406,0.0,0.14117554025881773,0.09973283316497204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906127015662408,0.07293711426971666,0.13392048511686686,0.07933993782030606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345099430063015,0.0,0.0,0.1378296436989358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357334419897216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944853130654012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379555914886308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860614475400643,0.20460978845223804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819196604049452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351429367098612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100851296358518,0.1367818783396855,0.133953410506745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511770845708455,0.0,0.09678355213259132,0.0,0.0,0.15324282053201005,0.0,0.0,0.13370164999407735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397044108483701,0.0,0.23657133891604154,0.0,0.0,0.15627479039150655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671485294770205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945234404169762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478167433599677,0.0,0.27274484604207744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646836297218208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941392730445492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jameshomies,2019/01/23,"I only want one thing, and if I don't get it I will kill myself by my next birthday. I've tried so hard to be there for people. I go out of my way to help others. I travel long distances to support their events, joined many clubs to be around other people, and have always lended a helping hand. I was nice to them, I was generous. I tried to be there for other people but no one could *ever* be there for me. The only people who ""attempt"" to talk to me are the same three people who would only ever text me to ask me to write their essays for them. 

I swear its nothing huge, or unmanageable. I just want someone to *want* to be with me. Just once. You don't even have to pretend to be interested. I just want someone to be the one to start a conversation with me. Be the one who asks me if I want to hang out with them. Be the one person to go out of their way to text a message saying ""Hey, what's up."" One person to make me feel like I have some acknowledgement in their life. At least once in my life. 

But no. Apparently, that's too much to ask for. Its too much to fathom the notion of remembering little old me. I'm not meaningful enough to be given a single thought. My feelings are too negligible to be considered as my ""friends"" openly make plans in front of me to hang out but do not include me. 

I've known them for years --we've spent so much time together but still, they never interact with me. I ask people why this is, and I just get false promises that they will invite me to hang out over the weekend. This has been going on for practically my entire life. No one has ever called me, asked me to hang out, texted me etc. Is this really so much of me to ask? If they give something as simple and decent as this, then they deserve to face the eternal preponderance of ""why"" that follows after my death.

​",2.6604032258064514,4.147075201612903,4.027720430107529,88.27158064516131,75.20967741935483,6.572903225806452,22.07741935483871,7.1686216300943375,0.5790058064516129,1413,36,302,15,30,466,172,372,0.069,0.856,0.076,-0.3333,1,0,1,0,0,1,57.0,0,1,12,2,19,7,1,0,12,0,30,5,2,2,4,53,58,19,2,10,14,0,4,1,1,3,3,1,0,2,18,16,0,0,7,4,1,10,8,1,0,8,6,5,53,6,65,37,10,45,0,0,0,0,36,17,0,5,17,233,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546206232209707,0.08524193339822203,0.0955960491121401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003546130528826,0.4412906228354961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033371313535705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281381990084726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812900210134586,0.08774095531543688,0.05196263477938575,0.21349212371989196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955865136924814,0.05620385577624031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078240118719614,0.0,0.08220656971349488,0.07547010740727741,0.13413467604511542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047536552566318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546542347112713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703978405798159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667067513033928,0.038435550512418364,0.07885080209316674,0.0,0.06962294207510222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502939436674223,0.07976185928884306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313342068218153,0.0,0.06067730446324274,0.0,0.08366940302202727,0.0,0.0,0.07548866231848735,0.0,0.0825538572731557,0.16756790415859868,0.37317502257070173,0.17950260220519634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327250834030225,0.13738808861790722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039980280218505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912093295126887,0.0,0.0,0.06256375905658748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331839667319445,0.060566156140558026,0.0,0.0,0.05568500457963463,0.0,0.0628281904685326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927694799926597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323420727034122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226670484715575,0.0,0.0,0.06245740618021165,0.04587473560520088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068273182573522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201624479780145,0.12489359508278552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419799095830087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558868916703688,0.0,0.0955960491121401,0.050662696362288026
suicidewatch,freshsqueezedunicorn,2019/01/23,"Tonight might be the night Hey Reddit. I never come on here, but it's important I put this out into the universe or whatever. After work tonight, I bought a shit ton of my favourite snacks and lots of alcohol. I've started with a nice white wine, whiskey is next. That is the opposite of the old saying, right? ""Wine before liquor, never been sicker"" or something like that. Anyway. Join me while I stuff myself  with food and liquor and descend further into madness. Here's a little about myself, so as to not be impolite. My life is objectively okay. I did what you're supposed to do... Go to college straight out of high school. Get a good paying job. Get married. Get into a shit ton of debt. The usual. To sum things up, life the way you're supposed to live it is not good. Settling on a job because it pays well and you have responsibilities is not good. Spending every evening alone in your room because people hate you is not good. My intention tonight is to either drink enough to pass out or kill myself. If I kill myself, it'll be a long time coming. Peace.",1.6637681159420303,4.287282391304352,2.6314705314009683,90.94384347826087,84.9903381642512,4.857893719806763,22.289661835748788,6.360717304075467,0.4993676908212557,833,29,163,8,25,263,126,207,0.152,0.677,0.171,-0.0834,3,1,6,0,0,2,34.0,0,3,0,1,7,14,6,0,13,1,16,14,2,1,2,29,25,12,2,1,10,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,0,10,14,9,0,0,6,5,5,6,6,1,0,3,2,17,8,27,17,5,36,0,0,1,0,5,16,2,6,15,109,27,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401511750224254,0.0,0.12987721522067056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528860983382036,0.0,0.10670668464884284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604304707532965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284485928103114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957235392697458,0.0,0.08282592156665784,0.0,0.10565542412210664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163491783446473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965499322040268,0.0,0.0712680576767648,0.4207203351271805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380714261398962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249263158454094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888151562237915,0.0,0.2774743951369141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714832163161487,0.06126440480989233,0.12568435718020166,0.11073103787112193,0.11097559552234364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066111159823918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330302324729387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343336540519315,0.0,0.1333649735363445,0.11767997952282692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158684767547668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693699497433112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606225097492227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709143749913794,0.0,0.09972359990090264,0.0,0.1269121141968615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574438523939388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653951766283224,0.0,0.0,0.08875919863058031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355369894456166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331059451849741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312210532162798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811105768966084,0.0,0.0,0.09953716891400284,0.0,0.0,0.11275021022601622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129313907432612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RUSSDIGITY117,2019/01/23,"I just want one of my friends to genuinely ask me if I’m alright. I talk to my therapist about suicidal thoughts and I do what I can to cope and let them pass. But I want to tell a friend about it. I don’t have very many though and while I wouldn’t say they’re super close they are definitely my friends. I don’t really know how to approach the subject with them. I don’t want to scare them off or seem needy. I also don’t want to change how they look at me.
I try to keep myself level even when I’m really happy or angry or sad. I feel like that helps me avoid the massive lows if I don’t let myself go on those massive highs. Because if this though I kind of hide when I’m really down. It’s not other people’s issue. They have shit going on too so why would I make a shift at work or a hangout with friends about me?
But I want someone to ask me. More than once a week I’m on the verge of tears. I try to breathe and go through my thought exercises so I don’t get trapped in a negative feedback loop. I just want someone to ask me so I can get it off my chest. I’m tired of carrying all these suicidal thoughts.",0.2052459016393442,2.0845593934426283,2.1926295081967204,96.72614098360658,84.1639344262295,5.707278688524591,20.8255737704918,6.918507183188421,0.22326544262295034,868,27,212,11,25,289,123,244,0.16899999999999998,0.682,0.149,-0.8758,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,6,2,17,14,1,2,8,1,16,5,3,3,1,39,44,24,2,11,12,0,1,1,4,2,2,1,0,0,9,7,0,2,6,2,0,5,9,5,0,1,3,3,39,9,31,37,2,23,0,2,1,0,17,14,1,8,5,136,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865321295736694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034734152300905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596124403784033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446737613348087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146890246400063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471209763531778,0.07730223657108326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33439809358541744,0.0,0.11306611640648764,0.0,0.18448752877927094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518707340943565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252805881941854,0.1143253559369532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293872993058494,0.0,0.0961782761342012,0.0,0.11267967705159825,0.059467071261545774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129549880244104,0.0,0.052863882333617655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908656095998438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222820372483901,0.10970368546675632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152356327700966,0.07332304233977653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501626902313861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795819569006124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604958568364075,0.1083328704450259,0.0,0.0,0.09850648547427868,0.0,0.0,0.11107168642784968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183364826070625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367191391341239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697171363576182,0.09457662807925668,0.0,0.0,0.12563525983381715,0.0,0.0,0.2126232746476124,0.2577099269157257,0.0,0.12436663559693364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692925448142005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928110733072346,0.38293546368274695,0.0,0.08679615626483865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976388933405392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877510239212346,0.0,0.0,0.07686628722280067,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bazzom,2019/01/23,Best place to shoot oneself? Living at a house that's not owned by me. Don't know where to kill myself where it won't make a huge mess that someone will need to get cleaned. Outside in the yard? Any gore may be eaten by the wildlife - easy cleanup. Or should I go off the property entirely? Find a wooded area?,1.1623809523809534,3.497814761904764,1.7803174603174623,98.32857142857144,83.92063492063492,4.8698412698412685,21.698412698412696,6.18269132825596,0.08821269841269874,242,8,54,2,7,74,53,63,0.131,0.722,0.147,0.2751,0,0,0,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,12,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,8,6,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,2,0,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136608154939044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34161519250009204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975211554651362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700717780172158,0.0,0.18500161992942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756086128835367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601417960770454,0.0,0.17889834486872416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874418365031754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172884224007576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24137039353818165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401011430665261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758136830625177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beneverett33,2019/01/23,I’m so tired I’m in so much pain physically and emotionally I died in a motorcycle wreck ast year was brought back but I wish I would’ve just stayed dead all of my pain stopped,-0.6628070175438552,1.4995949999999991,1.474736842105262,95.76982456140352,99.0,5.691228070175438,19.491228070175442,7.1686216300943375,0.4063017543859644,142,5,35,3,6,47,30,38,0.451,0.476,0.073,-0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,5,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100513000001672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835079147931912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072801139630931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081179412843694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5813454748381941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911634720857668,0.0,0.2283828212028377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139693754598773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141326643753059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940525292609693,0.0,0.0,0.17591288537335156
suicidewatch,AustralianShitlord,2019/01/23,"My wife killed herself and I can't cope. We had been married 7 weeks. Just got back from our honeymoon and we're having marriage difficulties due to the nature of our relationship which I don't want to go into.

She was 23 years old and all I can do is blame myself.

I am a widower at 24 and think I'm going to lose my job due to mental health reasons because of this.

I just feel lost",1.7737282229965174,3.328513585365858,3.800522648083625,88.67914634146345,77.78048780487805,6.636933797909408,22.68989547038328,7.447530270364453,0.7792383275261319,302,9,67,4,7,103,63,82,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.9235,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,3,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,1,1,13,18,4,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,1,13,0,9,13,1,10,0,2,0,0,8,2,0,0,6,44,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804394287957036,0.0,0.15700317377050296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022757677915633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927489514176533,0.0,0.20599030923568645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273768984498844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555836552195035,0.0,0.2849465134506617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28813823161917235,0.2811517721064675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595549224438771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702607095879181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648094969662592,0.0,0.2765177466812974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503088255103152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519126471522679,0.0,0.20659513330043566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585701408481024
suicidewatch,xsvg3x,2019/01/23,I cant carry on anymore I cant i just cant. I dont want to die but every single motivation for living is fading,-2.7038888888888906,-1.0201459259259202,2.7758333333333347,87.18375000000002,100.85185185185185,4.181481481481482,14.157407407407408,5.985473137389443,-0.4912148148148154,88,2,20,1,4,36,19,27,0.0,0.7190000000000001,0.281,0.6434,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319349204168423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520178573436751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51044523243011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669580687762877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845864814646933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568905601435842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3sidedorchid,2019/01/23,"No plot, no peak, no meaning Have been having suicidal thoughts for 2 weeks now. I've had them off and on for decades, they're just bad again lately. Thing is, my life is fine - good even. Aside from work stress, I don't have any kind of real struggle : I'm fine financially, have a job, a few friends. There's just no point to me being alive. Sure, i work and pay taxes, but I'm not really contributing anything of real worth to society. I'm selfish, and though my friends wouldn't say they agree, I take from them more than I give. I just fake it through most days. I have no dream job or goals to strive for. I've tried any number of hobbies to find something I love, but there's nothing. At most I'm interested in something for a week before I'm done with it. 

I love my cats, so that has kept me from doing anything so far, that, and I know my mother would think it was somehow her fault.but it doesn't stop me picturing it or planning in every spare moment. I just... don't see any point to existing.  ",2.439940034266133,3.9924977912621378,3.3417075956596243,92.68704454597376,75.94174757281553,6.400456881781839,23.768132495716728,7.048011613610866,0.6515560251284982,779,24,174,8,17,248,123,206,0.136,0.688,0.17600000000000002,0.893,2,0,2,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,3,4,13,15,0,2,3,0,19,3,0,0,1,29,34,11,1,2,9,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,5,1,3,0,10,5,0,0,6,2,21,10,23,25,4,16,0,0,1,2,11,8,0,5,8,105,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753967861203118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217319773012045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271236169818588,0.0,0.0,0.1148679235734441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705842546964795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814329241025095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916068997671832,0.0,0.11373625957096566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337989247556096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085883770636688,0.0,0.0,0.12949625971851922,0.0,0.11322456381299173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791670090243397,0.0,0.0,0.1405729961689958,0.07418786243771992,0.0,0.15227642394124888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534857135384206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436704097650949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470454452009092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295280973782714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552214226650691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073000274352149,0.08647908659004455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735075210688612,0.0,0.0,0.10757084142735272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784628391753945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285903644341586,0.15463244133094906,0.14112254804448254,0.0,0.14765891911187898,0.0,0.1272280015828827,0.0,0.10149689616614813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968243213160992,0.08649717753296189,0.13262857843828998,0.10716826528960027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165044694737662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656426538236453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965510100230298,0.0,0.0,0.09589417170895616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,logicking78,2019/01/23,I thought i was improving So im suicidal at least during my depressive episodes. For the longest time (the end of the summer of 2017) to a little over id say 3 months ago id gotten really good at being ok with being alone and self care and feeling good. But when i got friends again and i got close to someone and all of that feel apart...and now i feel like im slipping back and i hate thinking about killing myself and im tierd of being alone...and i just i need people in my life and i go to a therapist it helps but now its only every 6 weeks so idk if it will keep working. I feel like a dam failure...,1.4230187369882008,2.8104165343511447,3.376682859125605,92.06482997918111,78.31297709923662,6.290353920888273,23.359472588480223,6.980632752743323,0.6439862595419847,470,15,108,5,11,159,83,131,0.107,0.736,0.157,0.5195,0,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,0,6,1,5,1,0,0,1,22,19,13,2,2,4,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,4,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,5,13,7,14,10,2,18,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,13,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325244298730179,0.0,0.0,0.15483889962342728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495774673549855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242716917643842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876578290179633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241432482337262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596181387564742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023706470732012,0.2136084001750627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550481098740308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496538526961679,0.25079023148751745,0.23914068216146234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760219254239032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020798426687576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844631782776309,0.0,0.0,0.13288417391216392,0.16540172170952872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559762597685687,0.14607817099758966,0.14984019739409182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933100461212184,0.0,0.0,0.11085377786137596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370294544964285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364580589075058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577475688300152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888992575724062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596310562558172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667248996511138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353083314336272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358324965153024,0.0,0.09579479242833404,0.0,0.11868782336174752,0.08717577064546776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992142079891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088391768596175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azileo,2019/01/23,Run away or end my life I’ve been wanting to kill myself for a few days but I’m trying to wait till I have money to move away I get my final pay check on Monday so I’m going to leave and start fresh but I’m finding it so difficult to make it too Monday,0.2764406779661037,1.4241807118644123,3.0120000000000005,94.4851186440678,80.86440677966101,5.397966101694917,16.884745762711866,5.6839178017228535,-0.6303450847457629,198,3,49,1,5,70,42,59,0.168,0.7829999999999999,0.049,-0.7321,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,11,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,10,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,7,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193300402333567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824011614505722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447877352236604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027571804736212,0.25260330917052576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439542578577394,0.0,0.1570712553970149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057698848925674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926430339700589,0.0,0.0,0.1952130461892996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448360237464245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937447078128143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562086033226556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187641646635823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630141463075561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlecChang,2019/01/23,"advice would be great Hello there! Lemme start off by saying I'm currently living a great life, and I mean seriously great. However,  I am moving in 5 months, leaving behind everything that's so great about my life. Not sure what to do, I just want to fucking end it all.",2.7100000000000013,4.927347169811323,4.12890566037736,84.34015094339625,77.30188679245283,7.258867924528303,21.92075471698113,8.238735603445708,1.2963766037735849,212,6,41,4,5,70,45,53,0.06,0.643,0.297,0.9462,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,8,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,7,7,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121540039020325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155186063629242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746948866285299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198091836802714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7726885757840299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552449308310945,0.0,0.0,0.2475152129620476,0.0,0.0,0.15471564261937654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908575250117556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985276063885035,0.18622291217222064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933582796309632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401614505315195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513548897161331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334473521819564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446576805162085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BaneOfBeagles,2019/01/23,"I want to die I'm thinking about ending it all. 

I don't know if this is the right place to post this or not, but I am so depressed I just want things to stop. I have a good life, which makes me feel even worse about the fact that I'm depressed. I don't know if I'll do it or not, or even when, but I'm thinking about it, and that scares me a lot. I used to love life, now I can barely stand going through the motions. ",2.252771929824561,2.0125532421052656,3.3786842105263197,99.03995614035091,74.47368421052632,6.333333333333334,22.149122807017545,3.1291,-0.4031403508771931,318,6,87,0,6,103,55,95,0.23,0.654,0.116,-0.9322,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,5,0,7,3,0,2,2,24,21,10,1,4,10,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,10,2,8,21,2,10,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,6,4,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612188819682284,0.0,0.21762963437130184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857269582469538,0.0,0.0,0.27700228805181915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602776666908673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917413454666535,0.17588167637586444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304850674247597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29622664914754515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827464216690656,0.1892573427064117,0.0,0.13997261049119358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908597015933132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082922753976856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907783370780675,0.0,0.0,0.20994063116898248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753138705539012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393116120175536,0.2687273516267233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811085958201516,0.0,0.0,0.2473663275430304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369646277896415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NarrowArt,2019/01/23,"I really don't want to do this anymore I don't want to be a part of society. I don't want to be trapped in the monotonous cycle of working a terrible 9-5 job endlessly and having to live a miserable life forever. Fuck college and fuck adult life. I have decided that I will not graduate from college. Instead, I will consume large amounts of alcohol in the hopes that can kill myself with it. 

There's nothing in life that makes me want to stay alive. I don't give a shit about ""finding my passion"" or ""trying new hobbies."" I really don't. The only thing I want to do is die and be completely done with everything. 

Once I'm old enough to purchase alcohol, I can finally escape and be at peace forever. 
",3.384835589941975,4.868258560283688,5.393488072211479,79.22454545454549,73.32624113475177,9.66627981947131,31.967117988394584,10.018931242160765,3.4428808510638302,551,27,108,16,11,191,84,141,0.218,0.672,0.11,-0.9358,1,1,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,4,1,7,0,19,9,1,1,0,17,30,5,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,2,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,13,2,18,23,3,8,0,1,0,3,2,4,3,2,3,73,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31604655319798786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664286736092216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550341888708543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346106917043825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131776907639466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278461345110872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289199873247368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197945415814666,0.13514641031461294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733985889105989,0.0,0.14184608447112454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468638293799725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673371674995522,0.0,0.16359129443409767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133253779496756,0.0,0.0,0.13056796689604191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987013856022377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280944468673035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418809584310705,0.0,0.15515999399592798,0.15747195747092516,0.0,0.11245839423450868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012395332514895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945288223923729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178183571296425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760497466976514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823528394849072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003909847880706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436074586202173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076478626919926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,checknum,2019/01/23,"Tomorrow's the day I'm tired of all of it. I've been dealing with these thoughts for so long and I just don't have the strength anymore. No matter where I am they flood my head, yesterday was my first day back to classes but all I could think about was how much I hate my self and how I should die. after classes tomorrow I'm going to take my dads meds and overdose on them. I have enough money saved to cover the cost for them and everything's been organized so my parents won't have to clean my room or car. I'm ready for it to just finally end.",3.2732692307692304,3.886353196581197,4.233408119658119,90.75985576923081,72.58974358974359,7.901282051282053,26.59081196581197,8.07648339933343,1.31970170940171,432,14,100,6,8,140,74,117,0.155,0.779,0.066,-0.8922,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,2,9,3,1,0,3,0,12,2,1,2,2,19,20,10,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,5,0,15,2,14,12,4,16,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,11,67,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768130388741608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687790708807086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752498985057289,0.0,0.0,0.2831138511351046,0.2262910001608714,0.0,0.0,0.2278024579999449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944085313920298,0.2267983057649553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972690801871116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404474177208668,0.0,0.18670340179911574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474477962605288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167071086960276,0.2252664816083369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424727793329646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438108566665767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135500249157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372461479748656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289824636152768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503386660649094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064433690115022,0.0,0.17425550796450665,0.0,0.2522786551431591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaynuc,2019/01/23,"I tried to kill myself last night. I'm 52.  This past summer I walked away from a 20 year long abusive relationship.  Was on the streets for a few days.  Built myself back up.  Got a job at Walmart, a cheap car, rented a place, started saving every cent I could because I was afraid something would happen. 

It did.

Job has cut down on shifts.  I can afford to get to work, and have a roof over my head.  That's it.  In my spare time I write fanfictions for money.  

Then two weeks ago, the car died. Fixed it. Died again.  Fixed it again.  Last night I went out to start the car to go out to my shift.  It wouldn't start.  I had to miss my shift.  Walked back to my place through the wind and the wet, and just sat down and cried.

And then I tried to, well, the details aren't important.  

After I recovered and realized how close I'd come I went online to talk to friends and ran into someone who commissioned a big story from me.  So today, I went out and spent the last of my savings on what I hope will be ""the"" fix.  

I'm scared of what I might do if I go out to the car tonight and it doesn't start again.  ",0.4814927536231899,2.483807808695655,1.7431521739130424,99.63400362318842,83.95652173913044,4.8768115942028984,17.409420289855074,5.985473137389443,-0.6247536231884054,836,18,202,6,24,265,132,230,0.12,0.8440000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9571,4,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,2,16,0,16,1,1,1,0,28,36,14,3,5,2,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,11,16,0,0,1,0,5,13,3,5,1,1,11,1,24,5,35,19,1,60,0,1,0,0,5,20,0,3,27,125,35,3,0.0,0.1435731157103502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741474173812496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384834174383662,0.18635291150804567,0.0,0.07386744104041726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438193671949594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096748751659839,0.0,0.13310556246103608,0.07814815274781874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152201084803594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209555867761697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361986656808023,0.0,0.06330918108923096,0.0,0.1377336227616452,0.0,0.0969150919497087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715506682815427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436099006184714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035458206493888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049591010711105,0.0,0.1340627025333654,0.0,0.0,0.2963225403186898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723647667478607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854802314400224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274299375424055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567569621267534,0.0,0.0,0.25320514792140986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300971047850706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131778345093686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267158144324874,0.0932867959420956,0.0,0.0,0.3430744818739737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973962517366741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065839029586686,0.0,0.11486017570004375,0.0,0.0,0.16454037823016945,0.0,0.1183708254852196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719965184024948,0.0,0.1089512989956882,0.3369926206110431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882171844434111,0.0,0.0,0.08607957630648577,0.0,0.0,0.07803302898167988
suicidewatch,LuckyRegion,2019/01/23,"I think I finally captured my suicidal feelings in words. Ready to go I want to die because I want the peace, rather than living this life where the one person who I truly loved beyond imagination is already separated from me by 6 feet of dirt. I don't want to hurt the people I love but all I feel is peace when I think about suicide.

I want to rest deep in the earth,
gentle wind blowing through the grass above me,
soul at ease.
Never another yesterday, never another tomorrow.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry.
I am in my soulmate's arms again,
and my love for you is everlasting.",3.6514272030651327,5.169593318965519,4.898735632183911,82.8976053639847,72.70689655172413,8.259003831417624,27.54406130268199,8.841846274778883,2.0886429118773946,459,17,92,9,9,152,81,116,0.119,0.593,0.28800000000000003,0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,6,6,2,0,3,18,19,4,3,7,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,2,19,3,16,18,3,15,1,1,0,3,7,7,0,0,7,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782233265675373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379393180039332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822963377050906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770050575626565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723819495321327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295475902335824,0.0,0.0,0.17652132674006862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157974833837178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250402839475562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138181623187228,0.0,0.0,0.14228984080746446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363062475470809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845666460442188,0.0,0.2485626731178237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919284044800434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171439745353468,0.1407014981281126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525226772599315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065044007009412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801789055981333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853033972765525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadowRavenOne,2019/01/23,"I hate this So, I am in high school, last year, 18 yrs old, Have huge social anxiety, even just a stranger saying good morning to me I completely trip all over my head, i try to answer the person with another good morning and im not able to do it, the only people that i feel confortable talking to are my classmates or ex classmates (those are the only way im able to do friends even if kinda forcefully), and family.  
I never had gf's or anyone that really liked me outside my family, I feel like i am a nobody and almost no one would care if i just disappeared, since i was 16 years old my life just went on a spiral of doom, started losing interest in almost everything i do, i spend my free days locked up in my bedroom, playing some games or just hearing music and trying to escape the real world. Even on the days i have classes and something to do, i sometimes just try to skip it because i get too stressed out or because i just feeling so depressed that i cant get off bed and i lie to my family that i just got a cold.  


I resorted to cutting some times already in my life, as it gives a temporary pain that makes me forget about what is in my mind.  
The thing is, Im constantly thinking about suicide, after all almost no one would care right?  
But the only thing that it keeping me in, is my mother, she already had mental issues, and i feel like it would just trigger everything again, it makes me so terrible, and it ends up on a loop (think about suicide, then stops because of family, then makes me feel even worse).  


I just can't place myself in therapy, as going to one would trigger the goddamn anxiety and make me go crazy.  
I just feel like wanting to end it, but i feel i just cant because of them.  
It's a fucking cycle that i can't break, and everyday it feels like im on the pits of hell.  
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suicidewatch,BckByUnpopularDemand,2019/01/23,"Life would go on. I feel like I'm fading. I feel like I just wasn't meant to be here. I'm so alienated, I don't mean anything to anyone. I feel so sad, lonely, and desperate just to mean something to somebody. Even just a friend. I wish I meant something. I'm easily forgettable. Everyone who comes into my life leaves; whether it be months down the line or years, they all leave in the end. 


I have no friends. Not one. Not a close best friend, nor a fake one. I'm losing the only person who ever meant something to me; the light of my life, my reason to get up in the morning, the reason why I'm still here. I'm losing them. I'm losing all sense of myself. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. 


When is enough, enough? When is it time to put your hands up and say ""this isn't working"" and call it quits? I feel like if I were gone, no one would bat an eyelid. No one would notice that I was no longer around. 


I'm like an annoying buzzing in your ear, at first you instantly hear it loud and clear - it's recognised - then it just fades; it's still there, just not as noticeable unless you really focus on it. Then once it's gone, you don't even realise it's not there anymore. 


If I were no longer here, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't impact people. Life would go on. The world would keep on turning. The world, nor anyone's world, would come to a standstill, not for me. I have no meaning nor impact. I'm just here, for the time being. 


I feel so defeated. 


I feel like I'm fading. ",0.7495887096774183,2.7866702935483905,2.271995967741937,96.02799395161293,83.16129032258064,5.165322580645162,17.752016129032253,6.322622252153567,-0.3276693548387102,1141,25,260,10,32,370,137,310,0.158,0.733,0.109,-0.9137,0,2,3,0,2,0,55.0,0,5,2,9,23,21,3,0,16,0,22,6,2,2,4,55,57,20,0,11,16,0,8,6,3,8,4,4,0,1,16,9,0,1,15,0,0,7,20,11,0,5,9,13,29,10,27,37,5,40,0,7,0,0,17,17,0,3,22,166,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839403440695608,0.11054391860472604,0.0,0.06504948591793068,0.07036917326972843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295563853584136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071649523918747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361851132564107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700127609803132,0.1633547196572546,0.0,0.10442046306807466,0.07150313077485215,0.0,0.0755334232002594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797820913346412,0.28235830762254466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723789614980225,0.0,0.0,0.18321606973847346,0.0,0.0412991378957486,0.0,0.08984920956878073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909245376813171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026118902610239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740010908781053,0.0,0.0,0.22333478972061224,0.23171215238542656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537364316033925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583182142927481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309508517747954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999256146472195,0.0,0.08418317422642085,0.21425895097622644,0.06011930471376229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548016919175515,0.06902136455564625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946472778821624,0.0,0.08407691274659802,0.0,0.0,0.05063995281886301,0.16254831228946334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286186910753044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256424344053854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625512101738193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218664825904722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598115105402325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132821482188703,0.0,0.09090090373578773,0.0,0.0,0.05754763531008389,0.0,0.0,0.3369191226983555,0.0,0.0,0.05090409904047126
suicidewatch,ThatBoyInTheShirt,2019/01/23,"any help would be highly appreciated...  i just want to add a disclaimer saying that if you aren’t willing to hear someone pour their heart out on the internet, you should avoid this post.

i was always a happy kid, but over the past couple years i’ve definitely lost all hope of gaining my happiness back. there are a lot of underlying causes for how i feel, but the main reasons of why i’m on this sub today come from two circumstances. my depression, and the constant feeling of invisibility. i’ve been completely overlooked by all the people in my life, including my parents. this is what caused my attempted suicides at twelve, thirteen, and fifteen. i’ve gone to countless therapists, ran away from home many times, and even physically hurt myself so that i could at least try to find someone who would care. each attempt of gaining attention to myself has failed miserably, and at this point i’ve ran out of reasons to continue this meaningless cycle of disappointment. i guess you can consider this post to be my “last hoorah” before i make and brash decisions. if this post goes unnoticed, and is sucked into the deep abyss of the internet, that will be my signal. if anyone could do me the favor of just interacting with me in any way, it would help me more than you could ever imagine.




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suicidewatch,throwaway_6101,2019/01/23,"Just curious I’ve never posted here. Never posted on Reddit at all with my main account. If you would indulge me for just a second I’d love to know what you all think about my situation. I don’t think I’m depressed seeing as how I get up in the morning and am able to function day to day. But I really have been warming up to the idea of ending it all. It used to be a taboo topic for me, but I’m really thinking hard on it recently. And when the thought pops up in my mind I feel like I’m free? Sounds dramatic as fuck, probably is. Idk. I just used to feel gross inside when I thought about it, but now I feel warm and embraced. like I’m being guided to a place where I don’t torture myself mentally about where I am in my life. And honestly, I’m not afraid to admit I’m rather curious about what’s next. ",2.9031310211946035,3.525085705202315,4.833656069364164,86.08532032755302,73.4508670520231,8.078805394990367,25.399325626204238,8.344100000000001,1.4321718689788057,629,19,140,10,12,217,97,173,0.12,0.737,0.14300000000000002,0.4636,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,15,12,2,1,6,0,10,3,0,3,5,36,32,13,0,3,9,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,11,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,3,8,18,8,27,26,4,24,0,1,1,2,4,12,1,1,12,94,24,0,0.16123980354346068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079726684987962,0.0,0.1388756065249841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281060743028806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445830681567866,0.1151897478686844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906360019234954,0.08424114242398642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443919324991125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202011202422586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861317924233192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388844167024308,0.1575472469485338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552521792020542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624917979652807,0.0,0.16280623727771687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487161532226065,0.0,0.17148036029415947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684612765601099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088463219924648,0.0,0.173843779413465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658869386215145,0.0,0.15920485388432928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848724763639965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812402948657914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099478665982061,0.0,0.2560127867053557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785188410347165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145401302413081,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LastRomancer,2019/01/23,"Life is unbearable. For the past year my life is hell. I'm in a constant state of emotional distress and it doesn't seem to go away. 

Due to a lot of issues in my late teens/early twenties, I fucked up my education, my work life and my social life. I'm a complete failure and now I drift aimlessly waiting to turn thirty in a few years. 

My SO is far too emotionally weak to support me. (And they shouldn't have too anyway) One of my best friend is no longer able to have serious talks about anything with anyone and dodge any addempt to ask them for help with a dumb pun. My other best friend is also dealing with a shitload of stuff right now and I can't possibly ask that of them. I'm alone in that battle and I'm loosing it. 

Everyday the pain is getting worse. It's getting harder to breath. I used to daydream about getting on a train to a new life. Now I only daydream about jumping under the train. 

I just want everything to end and no longer feel that pain. ",2.462950134368466,4.240127203045688,3.7243356225739066,89.0008599581965,76.46192893401015,6.462705285159749,25.293819050462822,7.285733465282438,1.101537712750075,757,27,158,9,17,247,111,197,0.193,0.7,0.106,-0.9571,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,3,12,14,4,1,11,0,11,10,1,1,0,19,29,10,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,8,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,0,1,18,5,31,28,4,26,1,0,0,1,11,10,3,2,12,103,26,1,0.12363644288298717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805006802652075,0.0,0.09887201870490836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407702083471028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086449475554267,0.0,0.1017422579850424,0.0,0.2311667688052375,0.0,0.11616050795139107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594976380866682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963045808104973,0.13360707210549508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274637437543707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27814871446619194,0.10950519115387253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111646273937067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251430038109164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104241815587772,0.11429989919422295,0.1937848155010952,0.0,0.07026543969334595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287090152010176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904432461353876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946729279640574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366403798612942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511128245807856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940884696382892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837792534338035,0.09403108608400143,0.2631157844897233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802497448692625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938151263366638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558484668402417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255397414062117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260317836148149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153414734122058,0.0,0.14030117022547905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937428952412562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448094675838168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678219032976824,0.0,0.0,0.07292397732216471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000880292174257,0.0,0.12599609785458102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592356312732727
suicidewatch,throwdedway,2019/01/23,All these whiny bitches That don't know shit about what a hard life is. You get everything yet you still complain and cry about how hard you have it. Go fuck yourselves.,3.33818181818182,5.563379181818185,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,75.36363636363637,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.2490484848484851,135,4,29,1,3,38,29,33,0.37,0.562,0.068,-0.8974,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,1,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,0,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36279703739919983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29683433972979395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053385094527292,0.17255765209711627,0.0,0.18770571779376752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917319575882096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151323349769607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328650977578397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33902764211961794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637620100326528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicidalSlytherin,2019/01/23,Anyone out there? Anyone wanna exchange shitty life stories and send each other depression memes and be suicidal buddies? I’m tired of having to hide my dark thoughts from my friends in fear of them narc-ing to my family or sending me self-help articles.,7.047163120567375,8.081908042553195,6.8391489361702105,73.93333333333334,64.31914893617022,9.670921985815603,34.815602836879435,9.725611199111238,3.5789347517730485,206,9,33,4,3,65,41,47,0.332,0.616,0.052000000000000005,-0.9506,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,4,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288506775063766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412770136248165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890938275797525,0.34508022936935107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23692645309101826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554920683209227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660457918291576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31991555254749393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354386707918301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434555303264288,0.0,0.3524630842109515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flamingputo,2019/01/23,I don’t want to live with this mental pain and anguish anymore . I just want it to end but I’m scared I’d fail in doing it ending up maimed or disfigured So I have a chronic disease and I am poor and ugly and feel no reason to live on at all. Yes I feel sorry for my parents and others who would miss me but they need to understand that’ it is not their fault at all that my life sucks,-0.08424836601307106,1.8188404705882348,2.114509803921571,96.72418300653601,85.47058823529412,4.718954248366012,17.6797385620915,5.82211442006289,-0.5038888888888886,300,7,71,2,9,101,62,85,0.306,0.608,0.086,-0.9734,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,2,1,2,7,1,2,1,1,6,3,0,1,2,21,15,9,0,4,5,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,10,0,11,14,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227608828783696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065493668540662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23209081662206604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621072646008988,0.0,0.0,0.4053169793622836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312886233398695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017619982973614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24421115215281985,0.0,0.25483986511080553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359709591479345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297760957383599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569137943648957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892441403781545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27073782070429186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303486928209118,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lallxna,2019/01/23,"My mental health is so fucked up Hi everyone I'm posting this because I've gone pretty close to kms couple times and now It's really getting peak. I feel like I'm useless. Used to get really good marks in college. Started uni and failed one year bc I wasn't even  motivated to go attend lessons or study. Even tho studying science had been my passion and my life for the last years. Started a new year and all that stuff gone good. Started attending lecture again and passing. Started a relationship n I'm living with her. Helped her all I could bc she's in a shitty financial situation but now it just seems to be all tucked up when I'm a few days off home. Tells me not to worry and things but obviously if she can't send one message and replies just edgy I'll be like wtf's wrong now and can't concentrate on other things n turns me sad and so impotent bc she will tweet shit not explain things to me even tho I'm not the matter, or maybe yes... So yeah I spend all day smoking trees so I can carry on breathing but lately I just feel like I'm more prepared to go and die honestly... I'm stressing out so much and my nightmares are fucking horrible.. ",0.6177227993439018,3.084696567796609,2.3290322580645197,91.92400492072173,89.67796610169492,5.248551120831057,22.44341170038273,6.828538100315305,0.7546570803717878,914,35,190,13,31,299,142,236,0.15,0.748,0.103,-0.9289,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,18,15,3,1,6,2,12,7,2,2,5,40,37,25,1,2,12,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,9,14,0,0,6,0,1,8,6,8,0,2,5,2,18,7,17,28,7,36,0,3,0,3,12,9,3,4,21,109,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488069144860132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807586832626032,0.13591752358137696,0.0,0.15844024459939585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748608738549816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433993284226223,0.0,0.0,0.11737663889640287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242208136397701,0.17551048375150058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271228565351521,0.12835520462695998,0.0,0.1396229348525777,0.2060607860573435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057067805788716,0.0,0.0,0.08233548764949437,0.0,0.12321617876076653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012907986857478,0.13856621990242807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676386510558133,0.1800368134140059,0.0,0.10846789565220967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340693016869325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379145971848557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029980680776188,0.0,0.0,0.11863736805187135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664759417323234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764451346738652,0.12497005122673492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573858883633954,0.0,0.0,0.13188166565072876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182678331921736,0.0,0.0,0.12609108274713987,0.0,0.13807466556582088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477804843278307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071011332509667,0.0,0.14061972087474006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073655205985684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482362976151445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162762168929962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361208974215402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609228995716848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474759650040068,0.0,0.0,0.13430368716031138,0.0,0.23731025809245745
suicidewatch,__JMar1,2019/01/23,"Please help, emergency - Peru I have a friend in Peru who I think is suicidal. This is an emergency. I dialed the only number listed as a Peruvian Suicide Hotline and got nothing. I have her address. Can somebody help here? Anyone? What thr hell should I do?",0.9597916666666676,3.2734570625000043,3.206666666666667,81.5716666666667,103.375,5.466666666666668,24.08333333333333,6.937597516519254,1.8811083333333327,201,9,32,4,9,68,38,48,0.309,0.496,0.195,-0.879,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688216109934865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285917183206245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366376733070313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966365576843277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28389933099160625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250257063429568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247810866757572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6472768333558238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958427809339126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CraftyDraw9,2019/01/23,"I'm only alive for one reason and I'm about to lose that. I am very suicidal. I think about death all the time. The only reason I'm alive right now is because I couldn't bear to abandon my dog. When I contemplated suicide I would imagine my dog running to chase a ball, and wanting me to throw it again for him, but he couldn't find me because I was dead. I couldn't bear that thought, it always kept me alive.

But he's dying.

He's not suffering right now, but I am going to get him put to sleep once the time comes. I don't have many friends or family. Not only does him dying take away my last reason to live, but it gives me another reason to go because I'll miss him so much.

I just don't know what to do now. I need something to keep me alive until I'm strong enough to help myself. And I'm definitely not getting  a new pet for just that reason, that's not why you should adopt a pet.",1.57015625,2.9561765364583366,3.2254166666666637,93.31125,77.90625,6.0500000000000025,20.854166666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.12541041666666652,693,17,162,6,16,230,100,192,0.107,0.746,0.147,0.7849,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,6,0,13,1,1,5,1,36,33,11,6,7,11,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,3,10,1,0,6,9,4,0,1,3,0,25,2,18,25,3,19,0,4,0,0,11,3,0,1,10,94,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629569314381367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135181387779033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087310857011089,0.0,0.0,0.21164174038719435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969017671449454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402165977855675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012751166044926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957886203844563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909888181438178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577409327395193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941184016579133,0.0,0.12092711916996987,0.11101768026591302,0.13154277094449987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757062408061237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286513970135326,0.0,0.0,0.06360156200360495,0.09433447758380434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021907150689514,0.0,0.0,0.1294710065354258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733091280972073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507403755541895,0.08581149289960266,0.0,0.11177166665049174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324747271337935,0.07842087939988834,0.2640510684710415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633948184719925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949427800625136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976636503404958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581245096123625,0.0,0.0,0.08909374040057963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531772069093757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701370982489143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415438886135642,0.0,0.09187579808432043,0.13496487297195472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954884402944769,0.06825988769952739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442730736560328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221047092240445,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dark-_-Legacy,2019/01/23,"Just looking for a place to get this off my chest Ive been sucidial for 2 years now and it's a miracle I've made it this far. My dad is verbally abusive. He's told me he wishes I would leave his life and his life would be better off without me. Ive went through therapy for depression for many years and have gone to 2 different suicide hotlines, all of them have up on me. If a suicide prevention gives up on you, who really cares about me?",1.956370967741936,3.592852526881721,3.788911290322584,88.60336693548389,77.49462365591398,8.090860215053763,26.678763440860216,8.841846274778883,1.9782698924731184,347,14,77,8,8,117,63,93,0.17600000000000002,0.711,0.113,-0.818,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,3,1,1,1,12,18,4,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,13,2,16,10,1,13,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,1,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.2267890330829312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928620407722272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515480664550092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486077646478392,0.0,0.0,0.19998225428417515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000359672812917,0.1836174946233529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026750902612127,0.0,0.0,0.27039647053844146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073582550956006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111635696062772,0.0,0.1940592543492991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998225428417515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262186762378832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187419906188712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218893517234912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829000404870785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743858290444547,0.0,0.0,0.22011155153802836,0.18451198863298468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719437240342479,0.0,0.0,0.24652296641650084
suicidewatch,Kentuckyfriedcooch,2019/01/23,"I’m not really sure what to do I just turned 20 about a month ago. I thought this would be the year I could move out, the year I could finally go into wherever I lived and have silence. No request, no yelling, no arguing, no one to tell me that I’m not living up to their expectation, no one to tell me I’m worthless or make me feel that way. The time I can finally stop living under someone else’s thumb. But I know it isn’t going to happen anytime this year, or anytime soon. I know it may seem stupid and selfish and I’m much better off than most people my age because I have an actual home to go to, but I just keep thinking, it would be so much easier to just end it, to go to sleep and never wake up, so that I can have the quiet that I’ve been wanting and hoping for, for the last 9 years, and so I won’t have to be berated anymore, and the more I try to push those feeling deep down the sicker I feel and the more I want to do it. I just don’t really know about anything really. ",7.230010384215991,3.89153685046729,8.130062305295954,79.12485462097615,66.00934579439252,11.567185877466251,33.59086188992731,9.444778638647367,2.648121079958464,762,21,178,11,9,262,112,214,0.095,0.8390000000000001,0.066,0.0045,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,2,0,10,0,20,3,2,1,2,44,44,15,0,8,10,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,13,10,0,2,9,0,0,6,11,4,0,2,2,5,21,3,25,33,5,30,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,6,15,124,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.11949689694091778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085475894323362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121440911940038,0.0,0.0,0.1007687504650635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464648271482666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830011988936987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955382213526436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229413933835113,0.0,0.10845740502079207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574842136469089,0.0,0.0,0.26828352421806073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783724560081099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828517586547128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283078828626855,0.12162389955873712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884224716675824,0.0,0.0,0.20189163068906613,0.09981590026838187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243859027453276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173862454407553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774117049661107,0.1301486315025527,0.18003474160370314,0.0,0.09444364480574496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659552451580425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489379954316953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353404349238673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147701612534383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254187812418932,0.0,0.1037544054804053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102376562045155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541092152121547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140594143159211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846322227705563,0.0,0.0972143561246262,0.07140358777275042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313785022503335,0.13319418336669034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444524275208733,0.0971978438796386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397482610358464,0.0,0.0,0.3154240118256913
suicidewatch,Tleaf4,2019/01/23,"Pointless venting I need to get some things off my chest since I’m on a waiting list to receive another ten sessions of therapy and I have nobody who understands me to talk to. Sorry for the inevitable nonsensical ramblings that are about to ensue. 

I’m in the first year of college and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get basic coursework done let alone pass my A-Levels. I’m exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m numb and lonely. It’s pathetic but I have not made one single friend since I started. I do have a friend from secondary who’s come to the same college but it feels like I’m merely an option to her. Besides, these past few weeks she’s been avoiding me and hanging out with her new friend instead. Do I really appear that fragile that she can’t even tell me she wants to hang out with other people now, and so resolves to just ignore my existence because it’s easier? 

In all my classes I never speak unless another student takes pity on me and makes the effort to say something first. Though now they don’t even do that because I barely reciprocate out of fear. It’s not their fault and I don’t blame them, of course, I know I should try to make conversation but I can’t no matter how hard I try. I’ve got crippling social anxiety, OCD, depression and a f*cking neck tic that makes me look like a lunatic. On top of that, I seem to have a repellent effect on others. It’s probably because I look sad and/or angry (I’ve been asked if I’m okay numerous times per day for years) but honestly, I feel like people can sense there’s something defective or ‘off’ about me. Hell, I can. Hopefully I’m imagining that but it’s unlikely. Feeling like a freak of a social outcast has been my norm ever since primary school (to a lesser degree) and secondary school and now college, too?? I hate these cycles and I just know that when or if I ever get a job that I’ll be mocked and treated as an outcast there as well. I’m near the end of my tether and the suicidal thoughts are popping into my head again after a relatively ‘stable’ period. I had hope, but now the depression is starting to drag me down into the depths again. This is so pathetic but I ache so hard for even a little bit of physical affection but guys barely look my way in college and avoid me like the plague so it probably comes as no surprise that I’ve never had a boyfriend with all of my aforementioned issues. I’m 17, so surely shouldn’t I have at least held hands or went on a date by now?? I feel so overwhelmed with a melancholic type of happiness by something as small as a hug from a friend/family member or when someone sits close to me on the bus. Most of my days are spent commuting to and from college and then sitting alone reading in between lessons with nobody to talk to. Then I commute back and lay in bed listening to music, scrolling through Twitter and fantasising about the social life I could have had if I wasn’t so screwed up and cowardly. I’m a burden to my mum (who is arguably as mentally ill but much better at coping with it) because I need so much emotional support, and my dad is not the same anymore since his MS diagnosis and subsequent medications he has to take daily. I have three brothers that are significantly older than me and busy with their own lives so I practically feel like an only child. I’m alone and I feel like I’ll always be alone so what’s the point in carrying on with my sad and monotonous life where every day is a carbon copy of the last?",4.13202079107505,5.4238456249999984,5.24528397565923,81.76340770791077,71.19827586206897,8.33238674780257,28.73326572008113,8.78556168762146,2.216486511156186,2769,105,540,50,51,915,325,696,0.175,0.696,0.129,-0.988,1,9,3,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,4,8,38,45,4,4,35,1,43,12,4,7,7,113,99,65,1,12,23,3,10,7,3,2,6,3,1,2,29,41,0,5,16,1,1,9,14,22,1,5,14,16,65,23,90,78,13,79,1,8,3,2,34,32,2,15,42,365,94,13,0.06694695432465933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27734741814124514,0.0,0.0,0.05570522900681055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403994376437684,0.05121423681649235,0.0,0.06639338950680458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625863651190213,0.0,0.0,0.051478075486790835,0.0,0.16324096790859094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592091407136243,0.07308873501337583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533774652448388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053451695504987545,0.0,0.0,0.12952574146817514,0.0,0.1153226273229919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850997776020712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061262560307132,0.05929513062285108,0.0,0.0,0.13265349581902144,0.12111470594424467,0.05640569641698932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311163041093418,0.07533393597644628,0.20310234982473108,0.23913458773085305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389009029737553,0.0,0.0,0.2068922033685252,0.0,0.1049310615029796,0.0,0.03804749693587173,0.0,0.05354359509409632,0.0,0.0,0.06628801016657797,0.0,0.07126627775215713,0.11994264270591296,0.06609625732483748,0.06870688933389074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329868626270987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987522695015891,0.06643452208270874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103768858481689,0.05457070306556332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845779659189186,0.09457322739232044,0.22894830183222944,0.06709843582926459,0.05911538719373525,0.0,0.16865574183425047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334682689162906,0.13406283558999016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744201330528572,0.13493356773510665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842742888783217,0.09928063669991362,0.1032672366479952,0.06465778565963337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536498885118514,0.050916175509203215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639084431086669,0.09282517744210013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328651100476741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436027958670136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696507112127509,0.0,0.042887933215115234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053238905132961235,0.0,0.1355077838077343,0.0,0.060945992865408735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151684971238148,0.0,0.0,0.20473196731569948,0.05672393714820561,0.15461710851415544,0.0,0.0749416343385774,0.09477079769015352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322910210080083,0.07597061041032159,0.06309671216633089,0.0,0.10067155600175733,0.10761885196120537,0.058514588886209584,0.0,0.07655967675517082,0.0,0.044476581697295285,0.0,0.06577504271572489,0.05314840368641503,0.039037307439854216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909051749458938,0.0,0.0,0.06969414046312257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948704819646052,0.05313937621868954,0.05370080858120772,0.0,0.06019335194386601,0.06206049737179365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622328728592839
suicidewatch,twixieshores,2019/01/23,What's my birthday wish? The same wish as every year for the past 16 years... to die in the most brutal way possible. I'm 27 today and I can't take it. Everyone tells me this shit is temporary but it's been going on for over half my life. I need to die,-1.1132142857142853,0.8702698214285718,1.6478571428571451,97.49714285714286,91.85714285714286,5.342857142857143,15.142857142857142,6.868970318607317,-0.37722142857142815,194,4,48,3,7,67,45,56,0.21600000000000005,0.723,0.061,-0.8865,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,9,3,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,4,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460183890743325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679371742246895,0.2118460118961392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599850445478855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659486395359112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643894178714611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163989492654586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499359886899173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275741856880371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669250961156945,0.0,0.19377754864862248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014782112664865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597693594667568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098933192297145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855379754813731
suicidewatch,hl4hf,2019/01/23,Is it just me? only I want to kill myself and be reborn as a woman (I am a man) with hope for a better life? sorry for english by the way,-1.0835416666666653,0.16741356250000194,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,85.25,4.266666666666667,13.791666666666664,3.1291,-1.2409083333333335,102,1,25,0,3,39,28,32,0.165,0.631,0.205,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523308164761935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956768273047359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407435420255061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813844452251748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029825711501132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459488331756109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349722317130741,0.3162119832260687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrimsonFireball21,2019/01/23,"I Need someone to talk to. I usually don't even use Reddit much but I really just need someone to talk to because I just feel like I can't do anything and would welcome death. For me it is the end of the second quarter of middle school and my mother is very, ""expecting"", of me. I'm in all AP class, in NJHS and get only B's and A's. I just need someone who can understand me. ",0.3523170731707346,2.107227097560976,3.085548780487805,91.19710365853659,82.90243902439025,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.7324585365853657,290,10,66,4,8,102,53,82,0.066,0.8440000000000001,0.09,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,17,15,5,1,5,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,10,2,10,14,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685998139356642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236048939716631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795913961445632,0.0,0.0,0.13392570501347936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252509827287597,0.1448568003001844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593739955991588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906172429114216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905709108998286,0.45104753040684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542134564843252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989774578368204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052110504425472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154115166079151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259529015648978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110876197993212,0.0,0.17512560311182454,0.22331922689636685,0.16730402778570866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440398740314716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,12072015,2019/01/23,Is anyone still here who thought they wouldn't make it to 2019? How are you guys doing?,1.125,3.451149277777777,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,84.0,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.5563111111111108,69,1,16,0,2,20,18,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919254146682664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5549983904350269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741483956783212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476283388837101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44498663372194186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AncientDagothBhangra,2019/01/23,"I just want to take their toy away. I'm approaching thirty and I still live with my father. He had a stroke last year, so I've been taking care of him. He's doing better these days but my two jobs do not pay me enough to live on my own. I should not be surprised, considering the employment/salary prospects of music majors - even those who end up going to one of the best conservatories in the world, apparently. Nobody cares. 

I was supposed to get paid on the 10th. As of this afternoon (the 23rd), I'm still waiting for my paycheck.

The parents of my students have no respect for my time. I know, I know: respect your own time so that you train others to do the same. I've heard it thousands of times over. It does not prevent me from questioning why this tactic is even necessary. I was always taught to treat others as you would want to be treated. Does this no longer apply?

Due to the stroke, my father has anger management issues. Whenever I am home, he storms into my room about once an hour to rant about whatever is troubling him that second. Every morning, I am woken up by his cursing. I can't help but think that he would find some way to control himself if only he did not have an outlet for his frustrations right there, ready to be used.

I am just. so. tired. Tired of fighting for the absolute most basic human levels of respect. 

I didn't ask to be alive, particularly if all it means for me is to be used in this manner. I have yet to see evidence to the contrary.

I just want to take their chew toy away.",2.879398324447827,4.733432168316835,3.9094554455445554,87.79050456968773,75.5016501650165,6.641736481340443,23.205001269357705,7.468242284971852,0.9071534399593808,1189,35,243,15,26,384,175,303,0.126,0.742,0.132,0.0175,5,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,3,2,3,14,14,3,0,13,0,28,5,0,3,1,35,53,10,0,8,11,3,2,0,0,3,4,1,2,1,15,3,1,3,6,2,2,2,8,4,0,4,10,4,35,10,46,35,9,30,0,0,1,0,25,14,0,5,13,172,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026901205216241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537518993588375,0.0,0.2319025478827705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951510910024985,0.10914942644110684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516570718646951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841900669200705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795916543752918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160003960805386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930794502723568,0.12751938693901513,0.0,0.163027226421953,0.0,0.1039814011438424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279792513820686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447858692574758,0.0,0.07013887413357743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272163038360582,0.0,0.12379404662202212,0.0,0.12153767690378972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881188364040969,0.12246909672762996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564993104644013,0.10059867223716694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795319196569346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443374594423388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314316083484735,0.08362834612924364,0.09386171267514212,0.0,0.0,0.13703635640529332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825163655607695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539466207432192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834477462184453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711674892317946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783753267845636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790785431909971,0.0,0.0,0.21589063777198794,0.2836918850266457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055729404813788,0.0,0.0,0.21317969801181166,0.0,0.0,0.2183778692216822,0.09796008463898412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136170714413103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533916401750396,0.0,0.0,0.0794744041181491
suicidewatch,JMTZ3N,2019/01/23,"What's after death? So I have a plan on how I want to do this. Im 25, in the military and honestly my life is in the gutter. I've lost my job due to circumstances I cant control. The one person I truly cared about in this world is no longer speaking to me. And it feels as if my life is just repeating itself no matter how many changes I make. I look in the mirror and I have no idea who it is looking back. I plan to go live on instagram at some point, say my goodbyes and just jump. Off of what? I have a few ideas but nothing solid. Do you all believe theres something after death? I believe it's just darkness. I'll be forgotten in a few weeks and after that life will go on. What's the point of living if that's the reality. ",0.5771698113207577,2.2647731320754763,2.9414842767295646,92.85335849056608,81.83018867924528,6.001006289308176,21.291823899371067,7.03164865440522,0.4212193710691817,564,17,132,7,15,194,92,159,0.14,0.807,0.053,-0.9225,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,4,9,3,0,0,9,0,12,3,0,4,1,22,21,12,2,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,12,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,5,16,2,21,18,4,23,0,1,2,0,5,13,0,3,7,94,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327120501127675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612368890536368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345032287445713,0.0,0.16959045242827664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980524980386373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105933502357664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221974114596626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619489121497785,0.17316611672775342,0.0,0.15908643658571076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397025508106345,0.0,0.0,0.28311955896446944,0.0,0.26924596968552983,0.0,0.1750011499200228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701052266187462,0.16253275194900552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382515072951866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863259335410999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399795862783115,0.0,0.0,0.30309619770144397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748774943820862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341718360463312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455707050985368,0.0,0.12859383963536095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sufferingforever1,2019/01/23,"Changed feelings. I was feeling at my worst last night, After reading everyone's posts I feel just a little bit better so I can at least function.",2.9177380952381005,5.598507678571429,3.6428571428571423,85.56880952380955,79.35714285714286,5.161904761904762,30.76190476190476,6.42735559955562,1.8201761904761908,117,6,20,1,3,37,25,28,0.145,0.7090000000000001,0.146,-0.2449,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,3,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694370735568421,0.3325975454908785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32227799591370715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911049481609645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621187042214705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483294024995276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053380942905425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28589222628661565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917693019355572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047312049453609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lcc257,2019/01/23,"My best friend committed suicide and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it. Help? This is my first time posting text, but I read enough posts that apologize for posting on a mobile phone; apologies if it’s hard to read. 


Recently, my best friend committed suicide and I’m struggling, a lot. I have so many questions that I know I’ll never receive answers to. It didn’t seem thought out, nothing was left behind to read. Every time I close my eyes I see her and I picture how it happened and I want to cry all over again. I miss her so much it hurts; yet at the same time I am angry with her. Am I a monster? She was such a beautiful, beautiful soul and the world is darker without her. I don’t think she realized how many people would hurt with her gone. I honestly think she thought the world would be better without her in it and I wish so much that I told her one more time how important she was to me. 


People that have gone through this:  first off, I’m so sorry! This is one of the hardest things I’ve gone through and I commend you all for being so strong! Secondly, do you have any advice or coping mechanisms that you’d like to share? Thanks in advance to whoever reads this:)",2.2814221048660883,4.26135709128631,3.273144096567332,91.10700773293098,77.67219917012449,6.3735194266314625,25.062429271972842,7.348242739294969,1.0904589211618259,933,34,196,12,22,298,128,241,0.13,0.632,0.238,0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,3,0,7,11,14,0,1,9,0,20,1,1,3,5,41,40,18,2,5,5,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,16,13,0,0,9,4,0,6,5,4,0,5,10,4,34,10,26,25,11,32,1,3,2,0,24,11,0,5,13,141,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973885726735657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940917564936906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422639579443925,0.0902701174864836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792182933162952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121159935673426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546267091014247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599599286697496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736365653643853,0.0,0.0,0.15771368474544292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902576613710663,0.0,0.18286427261408794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841347258412442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185300330302815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609344735861983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089627887662752,0.0,0.0,0.04986486366229656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677385799868012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069601806590172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500622279348943,0.0,0.07872049376469002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793620240574696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832671185606982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152104848017055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932564047365473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433858959716528,0.0,0.4083791634028737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007790169245075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133431982884205,0.09291811821590737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425584048065432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670276726860728,0.0,0.223289835670522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939697370022152,0.0,0.0,0.0678088924585285,0.1308010425206021,0.0,0.1620598639725831,0.29758093821996257,0.0,0.0,0.09752955495132777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060201861349910166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737220836026427,0.19677821925720984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501117827112048,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thenooseiswaiting,2019/01/23,"Looking for a partner Anyone wanna leave with me tomororrow? Íve tried two months ago and ive been hospitalized and out. Since then i live from day to day hoping to build up the mindset to do it again. Closing the reality out has been a bad coping strategy with mobile games and movies, but i dont éven fking brush my teeth. Tomorrow i will finally do it. I find myself fantasizing about hurting others and i have crazy rage in me. My connections are fucked thx to my abusive ex who still loves me and i only really care about her but i also kind of wanna murder her. My family is full of paychologists so ive been analyzed a lot by them and myself.
So. Tomorrow afternoon, somewhere beetween 2 and 7 depending on when the house will be empty. If anyone feels like, hop on board, we can do it sync.
Much love",2.4379952830188683,4.815224037735852,4.241599842767297,82.35221108490569,79.062893081761,7.748584905660378,23.14504716981132,8.660442795831766,1.8159839622641512,638,21,122,15,16,215,111,159,0.189,0.684,0.127,-0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,0,8,11,3,0,6,0,17,4,1,1,0,23,24,15,1,4,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,13,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,3,22,6,21,18,3,20,0,1,1,3,10,8,1,4,13,90,27,0,0.0,0.2149591390155952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082245124631867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508562901755184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537133701388792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514824243190892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497503446708394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400842904629285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262892770777145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103148748206526,0.0,0.09173400838970223,0.12961016529508745,0.0,0.1987423867235898,0.16581930271741738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677246301679218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801961126862694,0.0,0.20934026753705184,0.19421937822329727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892637801786252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210304091965055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863516544052072,0.0,0.1602017336422844,0.0,0.1523514351236785,0.0,0.0,0.1542411769480218,0.3274865671334482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481182593877748,0.0,0.1333683622345826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798200391172605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622559843647773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007676105799764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488636125317586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317576958144895,0.0,0.17722601202164867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BenRizzo_,2019/01/23,"Given up I’m going to fucking OD I swear I can’t live like this any more, this world is so horrible and I hate every single fucking human being on this planet, my entire life is just borrowed time before I kill myself, so if anyone finds this I’m putting this out there, Ayanna I hope you never find love, lauren I hope you get ovarian Cancer, Allen I hope you and livvy break up. Thanks for ruining my life ayanna",2.155357142857145,4.270779773809527,3.8169047619047625,86.39892857142858,78.64285714285714,5.628571428571429,18.833333333333336,6.6274283507984215,0.2389333333333332,327,7,62,3,8,109,59,84,0.243,0.617,0.14,-0.9062,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,3,0,0,4,11,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,11,17,5,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,13,6,6,15,2,10,0,1,0,3,5,5,2,4,3,38,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981846883133427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334816390531956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244174268930667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084138754243385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489580750318855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529677372879529,0.0997373114213591,0.0,0.10849280459976543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847411546693654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5688199827832022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120243987540285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26967647036382153,0.09326404165673767,0.0,0.16856809693576885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229460049720247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472337608186469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190711250277034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757549669763531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113152588016901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,celsius13,2019/01/23,I'm gonna kill myself later so yeah everything in my life is falling aprt now my parents has given up and now we're on debt my mom is abusive my dad is an addict i don't know anymore i am just a product of unexpected pregnancy I'm just a mistake in this world i think it's time for me to go :),-1.539121061359868,0.4093483880597013,2.1073631840796025,93.21321724709786,94.97014925373136,4.768822553897182,20.87728026533997,6.42735559955562,0.34284543946932056,230,9,54,3,9,84,53,67,0.21600000000000005,0.7020000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.8602,2,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,1,6,2,0,0,0,6,13,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,7,11,0,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,33,11,0,0.0,0.3730649930104837,0.0,0.3432506646469682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122626912114063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829814631388157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789457335332367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34835283009722284,0.0,0.1730422445091514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239932861875966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687675208833129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349621684416629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017535652354925,0.0,0.0,0.18360102970140735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,junchurikimo,2019/01/23,"Need Guidance So a couple months back my girl had left me and to this day I still cant get over her. Ive tried a new occupation ive moved and everything but nothing helps my depression which only seems to be getting worse by the week. And the worst part is she had cheated on me 3 times and i took her back each and everytime so you would think i would be able to get past it but i cant. I genuinely dont think i can make it through this week knowing how weak i am. I have nothing to offer those close to me if anything i just worry them constantly, i cant hold any work because im too busy thinking about her i just break down or go hide somewhere to be alone. Im not myself anymore and i hate it idk what to do with myself and im getting even more concerned cause when im not tthinking about harming myself im thinking of all the terrible things i can do to others and im afraid that soon im gonna do something drastic and take a lot of others with me",1.4215277777777793,2.9532181826923107,3.0993589743589745,93.42341880341878,78.71153846153845,5.9683760683760685,24.055555555555557,6.691623216298621,0.5940600427350424,754,26,174,7,18,250,122,208,0.189,0.774,0.037000000000000005,-0.9863,0,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,14,8,2,1,6,0,21,1,0,3,1,36,38,17,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,13,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,3,0,30,0,19,29,6,22,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,4,13,119,42,1,0.09598129884333556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940767915650006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527057455244947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518765750822698,0.0,0.0,0.07898443081139342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760738847704408,0.0,0.05850930890869002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859923317768908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372168606854347,0.0,0.0,0.10620148157667003,0.0,0.06189999741921196,0.0,0.08266855205099001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124893674129758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339474266483469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626180249051353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058506865449616,0.0,0.05454838402256743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476166153811827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433424141574058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7257339125706395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274881171648055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428396203077424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159986795287634,0.0,0.0,0.06406826228492651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661135702174574,0.10201293092023493,0.0,0.07116891691771167,0.0,0.0926993365202232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419328974025048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299810285332835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393839333804034,0.0916250102563046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737776966149324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389109307159465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665078924038589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216599171016455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376571006824291,0.24600376297529705,0.0,0.0,0.055967467216707936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663875462493312,0.06516500153669935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539808168588522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987552868970033,0.0974736680185249,0.09781314343312256,0.13636472172061806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TDreamVIII,2019/01/23,15 Year old wanting help Im constantly Anxious and Scared in my school because of certain people I've had a shit life being abused mentally and physically I want to kill my self but I'm scared it will hurt and don't want people to get upset about me I tried to kill myself twice when I was 10 but didn't keep taking tablets as I was scared of the pain I really wish I could do it without pain and anyone knowing I don't want leave my mom and sisters behind but every day is a chore every one I speak to I hide my self all I do is stay in my room I have no friends I constantly have pictures in my head of things happening to people I love and it upsets me I learnt this is due to OCD and BPD which runs in my family can someone please talk to me I just want to die without knowing I did it,1.8002990033222588,3.122481488372096,3.6084053156146174,91.0743023255814,77.13953488372094,6.542192691029903,22.75083056478405,7.1686216300943375,0.6243458471760803,624,18,142,7,14,210,98,172,0.272,0.595,0.133,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,1,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,14,3,5,3,0,18,6,2,0,2,25,32,12,3,7,6,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,2,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,11,0,2,5,1,27,3,20,24,1,14,0,1,0,1,9,5,1,0,7,91,34,1,0.0,0.13377810289081188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755446050909586,0.0,0.07894824451439393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882797018713398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220429610553248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440279418656636,0.0,0.09014824530393956,0.0,0.0,0.07281663817978222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718119120022258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902605524146126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644007989018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723282266601838,0.0,0.058990028180308025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984460868237073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158766893215627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568018376502837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208708784484886,0.0,0.1219605491108568,0.0,0.0,0.10035825762499492,0.249833040462964,0.0,0.12410311138333875,0.0,0.0,0.11955379283465772,0.0,0.0,0.07975060867201715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190432440780936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137852059602592,0.0,0.0,0.1322370639856072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847847158466593,0.0,0.0765097178776214,0.0,0.2402851972936689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348296004656581,0.0,0.0,0.12393962103003657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233207267848829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391232997212444,0.11426942419584232,0.0,0.0,0.2355763681040373,0.0,0.11589894692867035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566700087492166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034543204161127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489313612819721,0.0907515708741348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501138662204572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665745616671141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329817766782397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298391963174995,0.2176795188408032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727093685217024
suicidewatch,throw-away-away_,2019/01/23,"Where can I find real and practical resources for researching commiting suicide? Obviously it’s not the kind of information that you can find easily on google.  I really want to research it and have all of the information ready for when I am ready.  I understand that this post may be deleted quickly but I’d really appreciate the help.
It’s my life and I am not convinced that going on living for the sake of being alive is a good enough reason to go on.  I want to give myself a few months to be sure of my decision and if I decide to go I want to have the information so that I don’t just end up with more problems.",4.808019999999999,5.307587192,6.551750000000002,75.91962500000002,69.08,10.41,29.225,10.411451182825502,2.9501400000000007,489,17,98,13,8,170,76,125,0.07200000000000001,0.716,0.212,0.9411,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,4,29,20,8,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,13,4,18,16,4,13,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,4,75,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608620750954318,0.2054233589739365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36341656313424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071618843793775,0.338964061818934,0.16675197642695871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332578173491962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070295009672599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042502958104308,0.0,0.0,0.17555243115345287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586878464129992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040454529776893,0.0,0.0,0.19023384200974572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22628873631836846,0.2547249134437977,0.2044092780184516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174653252773141,0.0,0.18737560125061475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069677012408708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35178898281986554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donewithlife2018,2019/01/23,"The Noose is Tied I sat on my living room floor 2 days ago and did it. It’s now in a box hidden in my closet. 

While I was doing it I was chatting with a friend via messenger. I can’t tell her how I feel. I can’t say how empty and broken I am. I can’t express my utter hopelessness because everything I have done for the past year to make it better has failed. 

I want to use what is in the box. I want to stop feeling this way. I don’t want to devastate my kids. But I don’t know how much longer I can go on. 

This sucks. ",-1.0451825293350725,0.7217909745762725,1.75,98.68294002607566,88.40677966101696,4.986701434159062,15.856584093872227,6.297961479604792,-0.6486943937418511,397,8,102,4,13,138,74,118,0.184,0.716,0.1,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,5,0,16,0,0,5,0,16,27,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,7,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,3,19,2,11,22,1,16,0,2,0,0,7,7,1,0,7,67,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205847690387462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169270211632752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008187429677334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604834862118728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546533209529785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236445132112554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25164552457477946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225588881184696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141423508887718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675789258057536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973339009094947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610498409860114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829286219219014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375493002131625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197890357568964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804432794694586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175002075789095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149209071921893,0.0,0.0,0.4403230720518305,0.1975204060760757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602470703442396
suicidewatch,PerrymanArts,2019/01/23,"Can someone just convince me to get it over with already? I’m done, and life wasn’t made for me.  I know you don’t like sob stories, and don’t give me the reasons to live.

Just give me enough so I can get it over with.",0.7474489795918373,1.8234000204081653,2.1915816326530617,101.16859693877552,79.40816326530611,4.9,22.45408163265306,3.1291,-0.43965714285714297,167,5,44,0,4,54,32,49,0.043,0.86,0.097,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,9,13,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,7,2,7,10,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109424961019089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883506661961856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911458802363912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944285633348173,0.5406029074340845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485456575088913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902395252811209,0.13765960503879826,0.0,0.2488099082358757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666195543012604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28970862648934737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387445683197402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Plz_Can_You_Not,2019/01/23,"I just want the constant pain and feeling of sadness to go away I have been depressed for years but it just gets worse. I saw it as an illness that gets better but here I am with a boyfriend, in uni, nice friends, etc. and I just can't.

I can't find anything to live for and I just want peace. ",-0.03380952380952351,2.004519269841272,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,86.46031746031748,3.6,21.698412698412696,3.1291,-0.6298825396825398,226,8,56,0,7,70,44,63,0.185,0.545,0.27,0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,14,12,6,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,7,3,9,10,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251807694573368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570919210864655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24201058578636575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29570548066743624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568401986990806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051787177461471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383596014152824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25010018676473084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114120502694921,0.0,0.2859291358896313,0.0,0.15551478893589982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416273790045342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911701390413269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227975798946504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886051307891696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621390897581507
suicidewatch,Hanzomain94,2019/01/23,"I miss Overwatch and my Xbox in general. Just a little rant to air out my frustration. 
I've been living in the UK for the past 6 years. Life was great for the first year and a half and then it all turn to shit. I just took comfort in the fact that it's way better than Nigeria where I'm from. Constant electricity, steady wi fi, everything is relatively easy and things like Xbox are easy to get. I could just walk from my house to a game stop and pick one up. 'Walking' even felt fun for me cos I see others walking minding their business and no one is in your face about it. It's nice. It free. 
About a year ago I moved back to mY country Nigeria. It's a night mare here but surprisingly if you've got a little bit of money, you can afford a few things like good internet and live in an area with decent electricity. I've always been kinda broke. That's not a problem. But all went to shit when my pops got broke as well. For the first 4 months when I arrived, my xbox was in decent condition and we had good wi fi. I was still able to play my favourite games, fifa and overwatch, online and with decent latency too. Then the following 6-8 months there was no electricity at all. Total blackout. Electricity came back and then suddenly my xbox packed up. Pops still broke but I can't be asking him for money cos mans a man now so i got a job. The pay is complete shit. I can't even take care myself with it. It's about £30 a month if you do the conversion. I can't 'live' and save with that. So I've been completely bored of out my mind since then. Things ain't looking bright at all. I'm alright with life. I'm broke. No worries. I've got a roof over my head and a small bed, I eat whatever I can find and I feel suicidal but it's okay. All I want in life is an Xbox. I have to wait another year before I can start earning £100 (I'm doing a programme now basically) and I gotta move into my own place soon. Things are terrible. My only consolation is knowing I'm not alone. Everyone has problems. But you'd think a problem as small as mine wouldn't last so long. The only thing stopping me from committing suicide is the fact I know I'm going to hell. If there's no heaven or hell then I'm kinda scared to cease being alive. It's a scary thought. I'm 25 btw. Life has never been good for me but this is just on another level. Wow. 
To anyone having problems right now I wish I can tell you to hold on and be strong. I can't. If you wanna commit suicide, let me know. At least if we go in together to the other side, we might meet and become friends. I will look for you",0.3840067146573105,2.555280998154984,2.331334462524953,94.1736709817918,85.8819188191882,5.4729175488476205,19.217349222672556,6.858738096098447,0.13983820700502125,1999,56,454,26,61,664,260,542,0.185,0.675,0.14,-0.9888,2,1,0,0,0,3,59.0,3,7,1,5,28,41,6,1,29,2,42,10,5,3,11,89,81,42,3,14,18,0,2,2,1,4,4,0,1,2,21,29,1,4,8,8,4,11,13,18,1,5,18,6,53,24,57,53,10,77,3,5,4,0,21,30,5,9,37,281,74,3,0.07469686685271353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621426551388425,0.0,0.0,0.07736342666304663,0.0,0.0,0.06215377706270011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665235566974076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222978609207925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983148717146123,0.0,0.0,0.11487455969462634,0.0,0.0,0.08249682080404498,0.06356153200745362,0.0,0.0,0.06606330855472684,0.08154963228426414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085433316207119,0.07615843404155145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663648745541264,0.0807207765196741,0.0,0.05963937004251699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643354288357906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986731521465756,0.0,0.0,0.07137605734167236,0.0671327274454399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377689802704563,0.0,0.07172070621157785,0.0,0.0682715830555378,0.127074233572012,0.0,0.0,0.057710614036816724,0.0,0.03902602993105789,0.0,0.08490390164473845,0.1879565638416372,0.23896763244305635,0.08235355940822198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666053543749281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861901553547127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412511443568204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315433359125835,0.06088791614297372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638260722446559,0.2110424244274688,0.07298623211950378,0.14973176831489635,0.1978761058229598,0.06610437659133256,0.1254531105392721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924157148274201,0.15084508367621507,0.0,0.17886697941647173,0.158781896265888,0.0,0.0,0.05761082863258553,0.0,0.0,0.07009794943673911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123306029901467,0.11362066642244367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130661153757574,0.0,0.0,0.0780423274434027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28589925418330525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379071615547087,0.0,0.0,0.07478459469334724,0.0,0.059523731845659525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300257812044715,0.0617900201566881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052870826821014384,0.0,0.119306028716907,0.12489985078631592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451187456343684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616274773346104,0.0,0.06528835402695086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481263960863247,0.047862736151929486,0.0,0.05930096856006024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299096752753421,0.0,0.08124874139047204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405814739881675,0.05929089605472359,0.0,0.0,0.0671614540336651,0.06924474392835102,0.0,0.0,0.08589771047783179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585829416113292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192409332880672
suicidewatch,castiel_cringe,2019/01/23,A cry for help I don’t want to die but I can’t bare the pain anymore. I’m probably gonna do it tonight. Somebody just please help me (14F),-1.6809374999999989,0.1615377812500043,0.8049999999999997,103.54,93.0625,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,-0.2749000000000001,107,4,29,1,4,36,27,32,0.246,0.494,0.261,-0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322075196871325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679568891920692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476536027638555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44905651281163594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564395176152175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36770453803167424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361162239035288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757831974775106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Letsgetlit1011,2019/01/23,My mind is fucked up I have been batteling depression for years and it feels like the depression is finally winning. I have tried talking to people but everytime i try nothing comes out. I always feel like there is people with worst problems than mine and if they can cope why cant I. I have taking depresion pills in the past but they make want to sleep all the time and not want to leave the house. And also tried taking my own life once or twice with sleeping pills but kept vomiting them out. The best part is im 21 and finally sorting out my life but still cant seem to find happyness. I have tried everything from exercising to going out more but doesnt seem to work. I always feel very anxious when im around alot of people. I dont have any confidence unless im drunk. And i also tried hanging myself last week but could not work up courage to do so. I just dont want to feel like this anymore . I dont know what to do.,3.5511879699248112,4.733873442105266,4.359699248120304,87.97789473684212,72.47368421052632,7.954887218045112,25.150375939849624,8.418075326091056,1.4159849624060152,734,22,157,12,14,236,107,190,0.138,0.753,0.108,-0.8447,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,4,8,12,1,0,6,0,20,10,2,1,1,45,37,19,0,6,12,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,14,1,1,8,2,0,3,8,5,0,1,2,4,20,7,24,34,7,20,0,2,0,1,4,8,1,6,12,103,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580545540905877,0.16445430774717298,0.0,0.0,0.06720180396516716,0.0,0.0,0.1116398264042131,0.09800407524574614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797181831855656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037067514464356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512571261256233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890068615560929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702291075912204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34745312733433426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881412153023419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986786960440567,0.21179365268676087,0.0,0.21650758607315967,0.09032078548400883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135860598568517,0.0,0.0,0.05616236466182087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402639552526014,0.0,0.0,0.3202315577963101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430954650962864,0.08055246658106847,0.0,0.10463738096461687,0.0,0.0,0.13960067052519004,0.14483713837108084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596391761498546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978124011679593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948216055527201,0.0,0.0,0.10524135163759143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701372833702588,0.09433601618755076,0.2055305296727535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945585412386078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992621600064762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977851327461688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891873708218257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860248622329178,0.07942873638335507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057623435768928415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354655362455932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153783847338293,0.17486191041421534,0.0,0.07926840494279486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917076133957308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438860194862934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363761210172633
suicidewatch,alonemusky,2019/01/23,"Apparently my Social Darwinist Father wants me to kill myself I will never be enough for him. I was born a female, I didn’t graduate with honor, I’m still jobless despite I’ve been trying my best in every interviews but no phone calls returned. 

And now my social darwinist father, shouted to my face that I’m his biggest failure. He wanted a boy, he wanted his child to be CEO of top ten multinational companies, all money that he had spent for my education, wasted to a big loser. 

I’m done. With everything I’ve been trying for the past 24 years to please him. I’m going to kill myself.",3.2912068965517283,5.269349155172417,5.3115862068965525,77.64203448275866,74.6896551724138,7.743448275862068,24.53103448275862,8.548686976883017,1.903226896551724,466,15,83,9,10,161,76,116,0.199,0.7240000000000001,0.077,-0.9623,2,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,2,0,4,0,9,1,1,0,2,9,18,2,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,7,1,15,2,13,8,3,12,0,1,0,0,16,4,0,0,7,53,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470645919711448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891109028253735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093684318769224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113980078376036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237740536255414,0.0,0.18387390690092045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162742279407418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452701001256382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779379959025433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530601169059034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458034546456104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171111260318485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338726617982224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778087885904101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620206120608322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175040366757834
suicidewatch,ElectricalDeer87,2019/01/23,"My apologies I... I'm not sure if I've interpreted the rules right. I am not able to think straight. 

My doctor has refused my wellbutrin refill or re-prescription. It's got me very down about going forward.

Recently (past days) I've gotten officially diagnosed as having DID, CPTSD and schizophrenia. I'm.. happy there's a result. But I'm so heartbroken that those things really happened. That someone had to convey such kind of abuse ...

I'm not sure if I want to carry on with this and I don't feel like I can tell the hospital's staff I'm in.",1.1363095238095229,3.7198826574074064,2.933386243386245,87.77166666666668,88.16666666666666,6.048677248677249,21.603174603174605,7.447530270364453,1.1062174603174606,429,15,84,8,14,142,79,108,0.18,0.768,0.052000000000000005,-0.916,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,2,18,19,8,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,1,9,5,10,15,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,5,47,15,2,0.22469883137097904,0.26623137214979603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491215736376029,0.0,0.0,0.2280645839683013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299887752129267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361448058563113,0.16052489002837686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770152405472834,0.0,0.17971218207626136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987004345020703,0.23919608425219874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339892552851056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977649903148347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450045974633256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439478251186601,0.0,0.2218629881098432,0.0,0.0,0.19189157425726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038659064536206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42355197873141576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963966826201317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492799191773984,0.14397793820137156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540006824637284,0.13253319248857934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im_ugly2,2019/01/23,"ill never be pretty and it makes me want to die i'm so tired of hearing sugar coated ''youre beautiful noo'' from my friends when i know its not true. i've been bullied all my life, everyone's like 'oh she will never have a bf!', no friends at school, no one wanted to sit next to me bc im gross, everyday ive heard im ugly, my ex called me ugly and didnt want me at first until he 'got used' to me.  and none one has ever genuinely complimented me without me saying 'im fuckin ugly' 435435 times. my bf rn says 'i think other girls are prettier but i dont want a model so its fine'.  BUT I WANT TO BE A FUCKING MODEL, EVERYONE ELSE IS. he's going to find someone else with a better look and personality than me and then leave me and be alone and end it all. and i dont think i DESERVE anything from him anymore like. if theres something he does that annoys me??????? im not allowed to call him out because then he'll hate me leave me and i'll die alone. HE KNOWS I'M UGLY SO HE KNOWS IM NEVER GONNA FIND ANYTHING ANYWAY SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF ME GOING TO SOMEONE ELSE. he's said this fact. my ex has said this fact and GUESS WHAT HE USED IT AGAINST ME. he also cheated on me and when i dumped him didnt miss me the next day. my nose is fucking crooked weird as hell i have genetic dark ass circles under my eyes which i will never get rid of (if i use makeup ill still be ugly when im swimming) im also fucking fat my teeth are crooked as hell and the dentist will never be able to get them perfect again and i have acne scars and my hair is always knotted and my skin is horrible and i want to die because ive done everything to look better but theres no use. ill never have natural beauty. ill always be fucking ugly. and i wanna kms so everyone can stop feeling like they have to sugarcoat me. i dont have any real fucking skills anyway so im useless waste of space. and my bf can get an actual pretty girl lol he thinks there are none like my personality but there are and as soon as he finds one i'll kms cuz i cant live without him and im tired of being FUCKING UGLY

​",-0.20539882867277007,1.9470901135857481,2.3173657510517205,93.25782376474471,88.84409799554565,4.751315680937061,19.227955126618824,6.238725200709706,-0.008905501938464509,1627,49,361,16,54,558,202,449,0.26,0.639,0.102,-0.9984,1,2,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,2,5,21,30,13,1,7,1,41,23,7,7,13,72,84,45,3,9,10,2,3,4,5,5,9,6,0,4,11,22,2,1,10,1,0,3,22,18,0,4,8,14,54,12,36,63,4,34,2,2,3,8,39,6,10,3,28,216,65,1,0.05608219185465859,0.0,0.054728129296712884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161684745146222,0.0,0.08969781712846528,0.09332975254759028,0.060765031443630324,0.06814600160520508,0.03813781360147155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561846458532881,0.0,0.0,0.09230173076790248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837436723702928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920028244893132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145323764971142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03616837418228123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461338272680055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907790402323341,0.05739155358843698,0.19718373352586888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405484249546634,0.0,0.04967217590678197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050729553298616434,0.0,0.1607668129999766,0.050403057838360917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028356841283037008,0.040065129066719884,0.0,0.0,0.15377432202176114,0.047703483741971614,0.0,0.0,0.08665792461803462,0.3110824960393913,0.08790189161085528,0.0,0.06374560409124187,0.0,0.044854052031896484,0.0,0.06178085709012291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536955372443346,0.0,0.0,0.06320870614975255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452055185992428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924639179018882,0.0,0.0,0.11876588708967405,0.0,0.0,0.0396125106543998,0.10959570447702012,0.0,0.049521602881048746,0.0,0.0941898329939332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037435298548341336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595242622946359,0.0,0.1192880945520485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400823385774955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793761347301318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411150205620516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383381228492993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669401429298128,0.08919761987436442,0.0,0.05675817224224133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503651832972168,0.04317481121770985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04478731085945088,0.04688722358481318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780561212242742,0.0,0.0,0.032701977071491466,0.12891645902645948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937480291438822,0.0,0.0,0.1984723787721901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812246330041506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814600160520508,0.0
suicidewatch,iguessilldie,2019/01/23,"Going to off myself after I graduate Like the title says I’m probably going to kill myself soon after I graduate. I want to feel like I’ve accomplished at least one major thing before I die, something that wasn’t given to me out of pity or whatever. I guess I just want to prove that I’m not completely useless, but other than that I have no desire to live. I feel bad though bc my parents are paying my tuition (so technically I’m not even doing everything myself anyway lmao) so I’m just wasting their money at this point. I’ve been trying to get them to stop paying for all my shit so I can die knowing I don’t need them. I love them a lot so I want them to stop wasting their money. ",3.5718881118881143,4.4160242657342685,5.417769230769231,81.68973076923079,72.07692307692308,7.957762237762238,24.789510489510487,8.238735603445708,1.4893166433566436,542,15,108,8,10,187,85,143,0.238,0.635,0.127,-0.9715,1,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,6,1,10,8,2,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,2,21,24,7,3,5,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,0,5,2,5,5,0,1,3,3,25,3,18,21,4,12,0,2,0,1,9,5,1,3,7,77,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864150088142355,0.0,0.0,0.1514841877664621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665339181875232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695188691141584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758230045122033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999530483983926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002723088444994,0.12717943738720214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300950211776968,0.0,0.20234878192282332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611205127871664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969557179647677,0.0,0.0978366086362004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394577728965013,0.0,0.15719728700826205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151348515461949,0.16067241818985928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320015606980007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063277449567465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976731173710007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828897358930342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919385576247105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415707795800185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273772165119787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705055562963508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29766986180098143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827035751796745,0.0,0.17490637816308247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208657132674615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150071652971882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,staanwithtwoas,2019/01/23,"My Birthday Sucks Not sure if this is the place to post this. 

I don't know if anyone feels the same but anyways. I hate my birthday. Not because i am all alone but because now one knows how i feel. They try and get me to celebrate and think that it is a fun joyous occasion. However, the way i see it, it is the fucking day that I was brought into this world and i fucking hate this life and if i wasn't born then i wouldn't have to go through this. My birthday just reminds me even more about this. 
 ",1.6992662473794553,3.2095419245283026,2.807106918238997,95.9145178197065,77.86792452830188,5.843186582809224,24.985324947589106,6.42735559955562,0.5476406708595389,388,14,91,3,9,124,65,106,0.136,0.733,0.131,0.3224,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,5,0,5,0,9,3,0,1,2,23,23,11,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,3,15,2,6,19,3,11,0,0,1,2,1,3,3,3,4,67,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137931916178064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620937266114146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723701865850027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407719182765702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755633086587971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259196966151747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130670645226371,0.11671944515028347,0.0,0.12696572401259726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44113068357245133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455541512509835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577969545317587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138443046653358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340978248421546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395941639914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802417941494436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055576288015035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431483555180113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167674989173086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773278117757769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tricktrackle,2019/01/23,"i’m trying to understand what happens before suicide... should i be concerned? for context, a kid i was friends with years ago killed himself. that morning, he was making plans with friends for the weekend. he was supposed to meet someone to look at basketball shoes. based off of what his close friends said that he seemed fine for several weeks before that day. they said not like the kind where someone is at peace because they’ve planned their suicide, but he seemed genuinely happy.

after this, i made myself aware of warning signs.

i am depressed and i have passive suicidal ideation. after not being able to clean my room for months, i have a sudden urge to deep clean everything. vacuum, sanitize, the whole shabang. organize my closet and drawers, declutter etc.
i have also given a teammate my sports hoodie, and i plan on giving her my vintage team jacket.

should i be concerned about this change? are suicidal thoughts something that can sneak up on you, or is it something you are always cognizant about? ",5.356194751381216,7.961861922651937,4.6638639502762445,81.77380697513811,70.65745856353591,6.955939226519338,32.85946132596685,7.8658589789855275,2.6384389502762438,812,39,130,11,16,243,120,181,0.14400000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.132,-0.7417,0,0,2,0,0,2,27.0,0,2,2,4,4,9,1,0,6,0,17,1,1,2,0,19,30,6,5,2,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,5,1,9,6,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,3,21,7,23,17,2,19,0,1,1,0,20,10,0,3,10,87,30,1,0.1277982295606293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132854196015644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220019800740664,0.10633836469716096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790461455987821,0.0,0.2174937611434437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519358143463245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241928558286113,0.0,0.11007242785598982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425288078964289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485680825168132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29620978542398085,0.0,0.0,0.12259570689541152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301155234032995,0.1360435917657124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138980612585256,0.13308218996598126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624357596254044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731832602434302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092577484218585,0.08530631060123611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020073275690644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431307636245112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326854168523406,0.0,0.14437562308370766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165660503715821,0.19677064154472346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5591620825893054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145751907037226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676660897555792,0.0,0.0,0.1330424640192503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251203108316337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426821593665522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229786980750181
suicidewatch,lvl505,2019/01/23,"Misled & Hurt. Im fucking heart broken.
I was led to belive this ""relationship"" I was in was suppose to be exclusive, after I manifested some insecurities it was finally made clear for me that this person still wants to pursue others sexually, and here I was thinking it was just gonna be us. 
Failed relationship after failed relationship and here I thought this one was gonna be different this time.
People always favor others over me, always. I will never be enough for anyone. 
I wanna blow by brains out so bad.
",4.117083333333333,6.659749041666673,5.778333333333332,72.63333333333334,74.20833333333334,8.016666666666666,24.20833333333333,8.841846274778883,2.1626333333333343,412,13,68,9,9,140,62,96,0.198,0.737,0.065,-0.942,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,0,0,12,3,2,2,2,13,19,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,9,0,10,1,12,3,2,10,0,3,0,1,5,3,1,1,6,54,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956366520434185,0.1924827824669053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421641794696925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832962189213894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831520624497084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560555362362613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355906310062745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460596309545897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642337788468546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051510100971574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017709193315105,0.0,0.19189156940195148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809592343230073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701397809825072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203796633015518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231595541998562,0.15511638767883776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721861192006721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187084263149874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138304037365225,0.0,0.1410335834485376,0.1035886494147358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369005704341454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478207285039122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredofpplfaking,2019/01/23,"Suicide & Cyberbullying I’m on the edge of killing myself or getting professional help. I’ve been getting bullied online for the past 5 months & I’ve attempted to kill myself 2 times in that period of time. I’m scared because I think I’m going to kill myself soon, if not today. I hate myself & I’m hurting so bad. I feel like everyone hates me. The only reason I haven’t ended my life is because I’m not fully certain if I want to die. I just want the pain and flashbacks and bullying and thoughts to stop. I’m at a loss of what to do. I don’t want to go to the hospital and I don’t want to see my therapist or psychiatrist. I don’t know. I just feel like I’m going to crash my car or overdose or jump in front of a train or run across the highway or cut myself. I’ve tried contacting the suicide hotline and the chat line and the text line but they won’t answer. If I called 911, I would be taken straight to hospital. ",2.589966159052455,3.7346377766497483,4.566517766497462,85.71481895093065,74.78680203045685,7.4868358714043985,26.331302876480546,8.021203637495839,1.4904872419627746,730,26,158,11,15,251,105,197,0.207,0.716,0.078,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,7,21.0,0,0,1,2,4,14,6,1,11,0,10,2,0,1,1,34,35,17,6,8,14,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,7,1,0,7,7,11,0,0,3,3,22,3,20,29,0,22,0,2,1,0,5,6,0,9,11,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046924499487449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395367543037544,0.15179009776655106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271301024670933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921305408486106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102715058558448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189666598219356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590354791237318,0.17788800405229535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009394466225804,0.0,0.21227146666647226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458392029863037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345083010185564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332815889161192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132278803306567,0.0,0.06842284960167068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879391957539545,0.12165043253483787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937602741562863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468911336973386,0.13247853122028758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188509104283753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800842960275055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464786888152195,0.0,0.0992116939706658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040889523301737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723691903973898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445560089964423,0.0,0.07977562871925703,0.0,0.09884040134109608,0.14519582403251702,0.0,0.11801300446737653,0.0,0.0,0.08452844631654789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937371902675576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844239843177704,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NegativeGlove0,2019/01/23,"Wish I wasn't at work The plan has been ready, everything prepared at home, for a while. Just when I get 100% motivated to just do it and do it fast... I'm at fucking work. FML Then when I get home I'm too tired to fuck with it.",-1.9024369747899144,-0.03171749019607795,0.6710364145658296,103.22823529411764,96.45098039215686,4.4829131652661065,15.128851540616246,6.18269132825596,-0.8942795518207287,172,4,47,2,7,58,35,51,0.117,0.6970000000000001,0.185,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,5,2,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,6,12,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,7,10,0,8,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,5,28,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23928998164572415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922910630164042,0.2782111897210773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341445995204704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30601731757229844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061764707884857,0.0,0.0,0.3876690144396756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AWOM_Guitars,2019/01/23,"I'm glad you all are here and alive. The world is better with all of you in it. For most of my life, I've dealt with issues and depressed thoughts and even attempted to kill myself a while ago. These past two weeks have been really rough and I've finally opened up to the people I hold near and dear to my heart. The consensus has been unanimous, they're all happy I'm alive and ok and happy that I approached them to talk about my problems. I know lots of you simply can't do that, and that's ok. Just know that there's someone out there who is happy you're alive. :) Blessings, everyone.",2.6425619834710763,4.252900239669426,3.367016528925621,92.47416115702481,75.5289256198347,6.823471074380167,21.19090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.5301861157024792,463,11,102,6,10,146,77,121,0.075,0.655,0.27,0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,3,1,2,6,12,1,0,4,2,9,2,1,0,3,23,14,9,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,11,9,15,11,5,12,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899082733218845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860555776494976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419792339798575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259158995974079,0.0,0.0,0.18216465724217265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883676438280865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6088193663382809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225909277646462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897859472182894,0.0,0.0,0.21091487675626347,0.0,0.20954147933340325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346546459037233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207528177278252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198741894166506,0.13216574863798347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241670100516905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212884385698405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615286245709093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322918338491698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513468383404984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862275457451613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291988152734498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aliensdid9ll,2019/01/23,"I wish I had killed myself when I had the courage to. Last March, I was involuntarily admitted to a hospital for having a suicide plan and my therapist found out. Upon my release, I realized people actually cared about me and they were really sad finding out that I was serious about suicide. I had fully intended on acting on it when I had the chance. My dad, whom I have never seen cry, was bawling as I got admitted. Now I’m in a serious relationship with a guy friend who helped me through a lot of my mental illness and we love each other dearly and we have planned a future together. A lot of my friends have told me that they’re so proud of me for still being here and how much they would’ve missed me. It’s like everyone thinks I’m cured and I’m better now, but I feel worse than ever, but it’s like now I have an obligation to stay here. I wish I had acted on my plan sooner when I thought I didn’t matter to anyone. Now I’m trapped in my life that I don’t want to live or else I’ll hurt the only things that matter in my life. ",2.969380733944956,3.982692486238534,4.825584862385323,84.73314793577985,73.6788990825688,8.202293577981653,25.551605504587158,8.660442795831766,1.626402752293579,814,26,177,15,16,279,122,218,0.135,0.6970000000000001,0.168,-0.159,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,2,0,2,5,15,16,1,0,11,0,17,4,0,2,2,34,36,15,3,3,3,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,15,2,35,10,25,20,4,25,0,3,1,1,16,9,0,3,15,126,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.14329800208085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026763382574747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987107784846416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497166601644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130060903955798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266884050565695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282828643263406,0.0,0.14031518708842394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742484487118618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342122317488629,0.0,0.0,0.16100623805565514,0.2269017344794134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174441027675974,0.0,0.0,0.1453980791648693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842605361831903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719892541489527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624604950259012,0.0,0.0,0.11969699172550916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743970996732156,0.14348056191593722,0.0,0.12966543610914275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24968206049018524,0.13253192578446776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479836362129868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794681467632262,0.0,0.1132547033132464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168104305523588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180274279091593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407165931152082,0.0,0.0,0.1576548857021504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651555476694026,0.11726935028124552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32124575040548964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049653640314907,0.09755624780945144,0.09409133857833377,0.0,0.11657727826291055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031518708842394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661205767420557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377253876175459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964599703462636,0.10431335721351026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,walker4hire,2019/01/23,"Can't cope There are good parts to my life. I'm 18 and in my second semester of my freshmen year of college. I have a job and supportive friends. a family who loves me. And I have a date tonight. but i just dont want to be here anymore. 

I am always thinking about what other people think about me. Am I saying the right things? what if they hate me? 

I just don't want to struggle anymore. I feel like I'm close to doing something stupid. ",0.15833992094862026,2.391470565217393,1.9087747035573168,96.27416996047432,87.91304347826087,4.649802371541502,20.3201581027668,6.11248444174946,0.003834782608695964,340,11,76,3,11,111,62,92,0.132,0.718,0.15,-0.2577,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,2,1,4,0,10,2,0,0,0,13,20,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,14,5,9,19,1,6,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,53,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760248092556037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195973675052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24793257694538576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942854383628206,0.0,0.10696498044163937,0.15112987036313755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344139178551673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774363514823728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885976587029856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099286599497916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942254622438358,0.10335162394202167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093024966006614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22908577314028786,0.0,0.14666068558272655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066076068422476,0.0,0.16823139026788556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285991769599525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115580924883774,0.0,0.0,0.24006206320188875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054303247995809,0.2711027197299882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495528786354688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622991924188182
suicidewatch,RepulsiveStart9,2019/01/23,"I don't know. I feel like my killing myself to stop being a burden, the thing that's stopping me is my dog whose alone with me at home since my mom is gone for a month and a girl who I asked out, who politely told me that's she not ready for it yet, so I don't want her to feel guilty and blame herself if I die.

I feel like I'm being a burden to my single mom whose struggling to earn for herself and here I am, a graduate whose just recently got a job from a family friend but hasn't received their appointment letter yet nor has the salary being discussed but I'm supposed to start next week but to get to the place, I need to spend money daily since I haven't gotten a vehicle yet, I need 6$ daily when converted to U.S dollars which isn't a lot for you folks, but over here, it is.

I've been buying groceries and food for me and my dog using my mom's money which has been almost depleted by now and I don't even have enough money to feed myself and can feed only my dog and I don't want my mom to know because it would hurt her deeply and she'll feel guilty since she's struggling to support us and would blame herself for being out of town for months.  I've been lying to her telling that her that I'm doing fine and eating well. I also had a serious eye infection which has also depleted a lot of money from her account, I'm even afraid to refill the medicines again because even that would cost money.

I don't want to tell my best friends too, because I don't want them to pity me or feel sad for me and lend me money because they have problems themselves and I don't want to add another one to the list.

I don't know what to do, everyday I get scared of the future, am I going to survive? Am I going to have enough money and security to care for my mom like she did for me? Will I ever pay her back for what she has done for me, as a single mother? Why am I being a burden to her? Why am I so confused, should I just kill myself to stop being a burden and to not go to sleep every night, with these thoughts in my head?

I reside in India and I'm not from the States or Europe.",6.355419047619042,4.129649557777782,7.058253968253967,82.62500000000001,66.75555555555556,9.815873015873017,30.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,1.7452571428571422,1631,39,370,14,21,545,189,450,0.198,0.7440000000000001,0.058,-0.9948,4,1,0,0,1,2,30.0,1,1,3,3,21,27,2,5,21,0,47,8,3,1,1,63,82,30,3,13,12,6,5,3,2,6,1,0,1,1,20,21,4,4,9,0,13,5,15,16,1,1,11,6,68,11,54,59,7,34,0,3,1,0,41,8,0,7,23,265,88,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077017047043276,0.08354029452721805,0.0,0.12900887426936702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457991389155779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540698825281045,0.0,0.0,0.0620231998795208,0.0,0.19668037480769768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846485653970438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223909261767398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371320751945002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254403460465783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253616676086217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668840013627925,0.0,0.15982715375619522,0.0729623392492287,0.06796022870187128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603985251360526,0.0,0.20392269783557385,0.11524822707673545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097535396605005,0.0,0.12463671535596932,0.0,0.0842839097308468,0.0,0.13752422667633846,0.0,0.06451183478375007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278128290459287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090938983140394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634908748561455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004342825701767,0.0,0.1784785164519776,0.0,0.13298724919886876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822042256966775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371499075324635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723449499790074,0.12876541096288135,0.0,0.0,0.11961796776542052,0.0,0.0,0.08578370848120605,0.07569472545735102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054657866372088304,0.061346196431107926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427340025420099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718152145590577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796428392789624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075556288363125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001704179372185,0.0,0.08071908294453903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057092151098250526,0.0,0.0,0.20230819854722906,0.0,0.16864842709390718,0.0,0.0,0.09153295475580964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100224252900145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358747176313978,0.0,0.0,0.06403568963967654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707488033700415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702504777459628,0.06966505967464792,0.0,0.0,0.2378792388586651,0.0,0.06470125296697972,0.0,0.07252377373724317,0.0,0.14556770735713692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718974194799567,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrinceYrielofIyanden,2019/01/23,"Why is this place so horrible at giving advice Jesus fucking christ I just came on here so that someone would listen to me and I could discuss what I’m going through, but literally every comment I have read here so far is just people agreeing with others that they should kill themselves, what the fuck I thought this place wasn’t supposed to be like this this really isnt helping me. bad mods",5.877631578947367,6.8551988684210565,5.70905263157895,81.20436842105265,66.89473684210526,7.658947368421052,30.989473684210523,7.554174236665415,2.0256505263157893,318,12,57,3,5,99,58,76,0.187,0.68,0.133,-0.7807,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,10,17,5,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,1,7,1,6,10,0,7,2,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,1,41,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195716885587561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876129346925001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569939536248457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794025817956538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931724184961568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41545823190331216,0.0,0.2155502107439614,0.12770070465810954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060992382535346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485943698948241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097757946507582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557768779027651,0.0,0.4695218954427896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475819589605606,0.0,0.14394690147767727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038536903011669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838462839351465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027544446629147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961857868260204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yuno79,2019/01/23,"Now way out. As far back as I can remember I've had trouble with forming relationships and keeping them. I'm completely alone because of everyone whose hurt me and my own problems. I have psychological issues that only hurt the people that are around me and I'm sick tired, so sick and tired of being like this. I got back in contact with a friend of mine recently and she wants to apologise face to face for what happened the last time we were friends. For what I don't know cause last I remember I was the one being toxic and why she came back is a mystery to me as well. I just want to die cause nothing that's going to happen with her will help me. I'm a lost cause. Always have been. Probably going to do it today or tommorow. Even if I break things off with her nothing will change how fucked up I am. I have no one, I'm alone.",2.239670542635661,4.010203005813956,3.6320000000000014,89.44633333333334,77.0813953488372,6.6796899224806205,23.675968992248073,7.554174236665415,0.9576336434108526,655,21,141,9,15,215,106,172,0.22,0.688,0.092,-0.9763,0,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,1,1,10,10,1,0,6,0,17,7,2,4,0,28,33,13,1,4,3,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,0,9,14,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,6,1,2,7,0,22,4,23,22,2,20,0,3,0,1,12,6,1,2,10,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24235702904276285,0.0,0.0,0.09735481869430557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415635248397667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26990134293149964,0.0,0.07132317341465748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338188184670884,0.0,0.3605790431122365,0.12377232475490448,0.0,0.1226740960710337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142933168283268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727854437176641,0.0,0.0,0.11180017450271748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079050483524267,0.10816622128955783,0.0,0.0,0.13298956783791602,0.0,0.09357697806052903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069285007304346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842379858145615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505055604843347,0.0,0.0,0.12211941629616987,0.0,0.10399652049477996,0.0,0.0,0.06430109525550866,0.1907440647024058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716113912117338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772121808887432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245326460181269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856681117445398,0.08898509392538148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111427312360152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614766240440645,0.1119548616803068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552510091935846,0.12561607975905648,0.2650803216876164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777307557025439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822465423589276,0.2689525719857249,0.11090396681549876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380213127736974,0.09287053351250947,0.0,0.0,0.10519861365943116,0.0,0.10557586994186308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imjustkiddinglol,2019/01/23,"I hope you're doing okay Ignore the username, this isn't a joke. Whatever life is putting you trough i hope you pull out victorious, never ever give up. ",0.5670000000000002,2.9833817000000025,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,98.66666666666666,5.066666666666666,19.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.6405333333333334,121,4,23,2,5,40,25,30,0.13699999999999998,0.623,0.24,0.5126,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241166875406194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437286696338537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7117758502581389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530886811262681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763548357969817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602058269047439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catkjs03,2019/01/23,"I need money for mom before I commit suicide I am not sure where to post this question (I just made this account for the first time), and I know it's kind of an unrealistic one. 

So, I have dealt with mental health issues for my entire life. I have had a rough year, and some events at work this week and my possible termination are the last straw. I have to go, and I need to be at peace. This world isn't for me.

My problem is that my mom relies on me somewhat for financial support, and I have some debt that I would be leaving behind. Does anyone know of a way (insurance, fundraiser, etc.) to get money for the family you're leaving behind? I just can't do it if I don't find a safety net for my mom. ",2.649981447124304,3.7046314625850334,4.31161410018553,87.95254174397034,74.51020408163265,6.978107606679036,22.88744588744589,7.348242739294969,0.7150462585034009,543,14,120,6,11,183,89,147,0.099,0.843,0.058,-0.7057,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,7,0,15,2,0,1,2,24,23,7,1,5,4,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,4,1,4,1,0,2,2,1,20,3,19,18,4,14,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,5,6,86,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525122704234584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808647587952451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317262518197232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678761967128145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190244613842254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757796893999724,0.12803727537138265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864358336818987,0.0,0.08554735235787769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000201994348587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710995840454645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674958790040494,0.1654502241717084,0.12269871974588285,0.0,0.3187704418461125,0.0,0.0,0.10632091279209352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243127031419553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169472887265836,0.0,0.0,0.5288824342037698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232261329673555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200026279007599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696953641147627,0.14416222746201354,0.0,0.0,0.14403298177516274,0.0,0.0,0.16862348608550046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465093119862756,0.1708150364942247,0.14186890342390995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777287768203865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948047329158434,0.12074281788740393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095846665510337,0.0,0.0,0.10692929870655207,0.0,0.0,0.09693376086390416
suicidewatch,PsychologicalWalk0,2019/01/23,"my parents hate me i am lonely i am a class 8 student and i shifted schools last year all my friends hear are fake . At my old school i had tons of friends and was very happy,i dont abuse or anything and people say that i am boring .My mother gets angry at everything i say and does not  want to talk to me we recenttly went to  singapore and there every thing was fine but as soon as i came my mum and dad started scolding me. I sometimes because of this become very angry or really very sad but a few days when everything goes well i feel very happy.Sometimes i think i am completely alone . WHAT SHOULD I DO?",1.3216300366300402,3.499307023809525,2.8931746031746037,91.583021978022,81.93650793650794,5.781684981684983,23.184371184371184,7.010146845296331,0.7957125763125759,479,17,101,6,13,157,82,126,0.183,0.735,0.08199999999999999,-0.9184,1,3,0,0,1,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,1,18,20,13,0,2,5,4,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,5,4,21,4,9,14,3,11,0,2,0,0,11,2,0,2,7,65,25,4,0.0,0.17002610822734884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486245351865495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808971314818124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747733489432025,0.15848640856837667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412777275277599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045885469053574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254675717753573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557934850844632,0.0,0.16818298231127465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209064135953744,0.0,0.257940239794205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255879656954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217381922315816,0.0,0.07497374158389472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167826891356447,0.0,0.0,0.1617369016938875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697307921275965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505809470829986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159341711141413,0.0,0.0,0.09948604492806312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193089565322117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22823670275372826,0.0,0.2904628644832357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838538002559205,0.0,0.10157127728360073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534127093909728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533618630018273,0.0919501270842085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736158900353669,0.0846410501805939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902530716073113,0.1330275599772345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241042214138202
suicidewatch,notanywherebuthere,2019/01/23,"Alone My best friend left weeks ago and before then didn’t speak to me much. My girlfriend and only friend left me. Remained my friend for a few days, asked me how I was and when I told them I was depressed they said I was guilting them and blocked me on everything. I’m now completely alone. I have no friends. Nobody would miss me if I disappeared",1.0297460317460327,3.578529657142856,1.4347619047619062,98.62912698412701,88.14285714285714,4.825396825396826,20.63492063492064,6.42735559955562,0.11944444444444492,276,9,60,3,9,83,48,70,0.192,0.601,0.207,0.642,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,11,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,2,17,5,3,4,3,10,0,2,0,0,12,3,0,1,6,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404902287542353,0.0,0.0,0.38334321016386014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730108632559514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747674821072022,0.0,0.19421437869419972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403721021651185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193516633783306,0.0,0.15939627799243564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632455642171626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5719232717484606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021474911465039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604412404813185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075032895402206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760392658818639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683761003354018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844804028016118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146491956417702,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,170cm_bullied,2019/01/23,"My parents do not want to understand me I'm depressed. 19. I've been diagnosed with clinic depression and was discharged from mandatory military service because of it.

I tried talking to my parents about it. All they tell me is ""go to work"". I CANNOT work because I barely have the motivation to get out of bed in the morning, let alone leave the house or do anything even remotely social.

Today my parents cancelled my phone plan. I can only call emergency numbers.

My mom tells me ""oh and you aren't depressed enough to stop using your computer all day long right?"" like a fucking spit in my face. No one fucking understands me. NO ONE.

I only have my family and even they treat me like shit because I don't work and they think I'm just a lazy bum and no more than that.

My parents straight up ignore me when I try to talk about my depression. As if they press a block button in social media so they don't see my content. My own parents fucking ignore me.

After ""annoying"" them for long enough. ""go visit a psychiatrist and get hospitalized you dumb ass"". I don't even have money to fucking do that

I don't know what to do. I need help. My parents won't help. I don't have the financial ability to visit a therapist.

In my country as long as I don't work I start having multiple debts to the government. Health insurance, social security, income tax (? i dont even have an income)

Help me. Who do I contact? ",1.9756558363417585,4.450520747292423,3.8153321299638985,84.15414139590855,81.59927797833936,6.87022864019254,26.20084235860409,8.021203637495839,1.9390660409145608,1105,47,209,22,30,371,146,277,0.173,0.738,0.08800000000000001,-0.9745,9,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,3,6,6,9,17,7,0,11,0,26,11,4,2,2,26,45,13,0,3,4,7,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,8,0,5,5,0,3,4,14,13,0,2,2,2,45,4,28,41,6,21,0,4,1,5,32,8,7,2,11,143,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360064591949545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642494311753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476168458586311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242322793563392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520571429749836,0.0,0.27809297661247284,0.08192818926410564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946021862153624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680881959471722,0.0,0.2132568219940715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609478541746602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984940359169878,0.08434479832751295,0.0,0.09174905151888632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580063068175679,0.0,0.0,0.16231293747325112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313900599231656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436110739534626,0.0,0.0,0.08546987395146398,0.0,0.08254075053827215,0.0,0.07887055177889728,0.0,0.0,0.21430159519216466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453723652408524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985219124112867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093947048941585,0.12278102861305905,0.0,0.0,0.5377740609228299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893367194671965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432267344503392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285699809457851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24684887745008616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057133395755411376,0.0,0.0,0.06748478351704265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975791297958875,0.14110410572806031,0.0,0.0,0.09372109868363683,0.0,0.051721541177376235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765122703263873,0.0,0.0,0.10960594324380736,0.0,0.0,0.1680628634964637,0.0,0.06971538728443487,0.0,0.0,0.04761021763681491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23505787005563386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayacc59739,2019/01/23,"A lethal prescription drugs combination...? I want out but I don’t have access to illegal drugs or even alcohol. Is there a lethal prescription drugs combination that effectively gets the job done? 

I need your help please! ",4.556578947368422,8.003325710526319,4.7634736842105285,74.4473157894737,81.36842105263158,10.40842105263158,26.02105263157895,9.888512548439397,3.7678252631578966,179,7,30,7,5,56,30,38,0.111,0.613,0.276,0.7393,1,0,4,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,1,0,6,7,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482052630138837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23767300286772924,0.0,0.0,0.8080108954404078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339933307505854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134135443648772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567268376244536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047288692379397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221087951362676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254941418881199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698742323467294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ganbattedeku,2019/01/23,"Is there beauty in dying young? I'm 23. I had a happy childhood (parents arguing), though adolesence and beyond has been majority social anxiety and depression. Added to some physical health issues occuring 16+, I made a desparate attempt just before my 20th birthday to recover.

​

I went to the gym, done martial arts, tried to get more involved in hobbies. I'm now able to talk to people without being nervous and I'm in a good university for Zoology! However, despite my improvements I'm still a failure. I've not managed to make close friends, I know something is intrinsically wrong with my social ability (my lack of social development) and I know that DESPITE my efforts it's still unlikely for me to ever become happy. Every day I'm wanting to die and perhaps feeling an intense depression on par with my eyesight declining when I was 16, despite having more social experiences in the past 3 months than the past 7 years outside of that.

​

So if I somehow managed to get the guts to finally commit suicide (which I figured at 13 would be the outcome of an incapability to deal with adulthood) sooner rather than later, I'll lose all my potential and efforts. But what I get in return is dying with some shred of dignity that maybe things weren't over. If I continue failing until my late 20s or 30s and my mental health causes me to wilt and falter more and more, then I feel it'll be a pathetic death of someone with no hopes of improvement. 

​

Anyway I have exams to study for next week, I'm not going to literally top myself anytime soon but oh boy :( ",6.182979797979798,7.408976212121214,7.126752525252522,70.41679545454545,66.34006734006735,9.441683501683503,36.398821548821545,9.642632912329526,3.8396708417508414,1273,64,205,26,20,426,184,297,0.112,0.8029999999999999,0.085,-0.8694,2,1,1,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,0,6,14,12,1,1,12,0,16,3,1,3,3,43,35,19,5,7,10,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,8,15,0,0,5,2,0,2,5,7,0,0,7,2,24,5,42,23,9,35,0,4,0,0,11,11,0,7,22,140,32,4,0.09123106965339488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965464775605452,0.3325672061011855,0.0,0.0,0.06979151857442845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007575487710574,0.07763092078925446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371943928876793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883649256835623,0.0940552268698246,0.15715437322054626,0.0,0.28405034031565524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336105900626117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252372557880402,0.07686611094675493,0.0,0.0,0.08924149199077581,0.0,0.0,0.09225834000737672,0.0,0.0,0.09993917746583936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048489810575975,0.0,0.14299340541107894,0.0,0.05184871930484952,0.07652029279648538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423434016177168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394872176882275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061303721512527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952215341421234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027641996582948,0.0,0.1029126203147191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206423093829944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632504398102306,0.06089744741450695,0.0,0.09165387175603568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193946043403696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281976940216509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702527757030496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130130638090656,0.0,0.1741807579897395,0.06324813663472112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719943460484963,0.07729978926131041,0.07023413456597757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571450014635615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979198279902812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733280780159007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060609868868616426,0.0,0.08963406272901955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193990772996296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538104485970816,0.0,0.07318006110266342,0.0,0.0,0.08457211557367211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794349555756006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480793433450882,0.09974685297274062,0.3325672061011855,0.0587498177286741
suicidewatch,natisnotcool,2019/01/23,Any tips in distraction? I'm constantly wanting to cut or overdose. Do any of you have good alternatives/ things to distract me with? I just feel like the only way to get rid of my feelings is to do one of the above things. I've ended up in hospital twice now and can't bare the thought of what it's doing to my parents but I just can't help myself.,2.303693693693696,3.730482432432435,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,76.02702702702703,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.2902414414414407,276,10,61,4,6,92,54,74,0.112,0.8370000000000001,0.051,-0.5419,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,2,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,13,3,0,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,2,7,2,13,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824930193515829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30391046155656504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249086913304528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843973688414045,0.2009112576244965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693142559372407,0.0,0.0,0.23588295575830084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850300013083607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739510722686574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905691905277854,0.21388860875485527,0.0,0.0,0.3122733943903961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736743416514717,0.0,0.0,0.2232657501931576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587714450489816,0.22322782761760915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SopranoCastMember,2019/01/23,"My mother So last year I saved my mom from attempting suicide, a year later I don't know anymore.  She's still depressed, she's bipolar, she's a liar, she loves playing the victim card, makes everything about her with her constant guilt trip. She's become this new person that I don't know how to stay around.  We live in the same house , but it's not the same anymore.  I used to have so much communication with but now it's just hard to be around.  Maybe I'm being a selfish kid maybe not, but things in the house are different.  Her new ""self"" is creating distance between everyone in the family.  My dad, me, my sister and her.  Crazy how things change within some time.",1.9815584415584409,4.402377848484849,2.9265367965367983,90.87409090909094,81.12121212121212,5.892640692640692,21.549783549783545,7.1686216300943375,0.6490329004329003,524,16,107,7,14,166,85,132,0.14400000000000002,0.79,0.065,-0.8562,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,1,10,8,2,1,8,0,7,2,0,4,0,22,13,8,1,0,6,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,19,3,14,11,4,18,0,1,0,1,18,6,0,1,10,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29865976916161163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26808724928903144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629819649669475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928832610932533,0.0,0.0,0.16271802263653246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968997934600626,0.0,0.0,0.1573187691083245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388081253650914,0.13532705128842276,0.0,0.14194865716270405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488557463808304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34748653951900826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655041036116662,0.12273867700998775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296043494940704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589976655114855,0.0,0.100509944910389,0.0,0.3025455414680812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635155553492998,0.0,0.0,0.11068990982828987,0.0,0.0,0.29085244002534233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147623388278915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708250663723886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049285655927215,0.12024934545012002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470455034605347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000706052437702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780146122441017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004840679045998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939306553593824
suicidewatch,dazedandhalfdead,2019/01/23,"My suicide note is my best work Although I'm not quite ready to end it yet, I have already written my suicide note. I keep re-reading it because funnily enough, it's the best writing I've ever done. I guess suicide is the only topic which inspires me. That's fucking sad. Hopefully I'll be ready very soon.",3.230161290322581,4.858347500000002,4.471806451612904,85.08770967741938,74.0,6.250322580645161,33.36774193548387,6.742157984588678,2.115860645161291,243,13,46,2,5,80,45,62,0.267,0.52,0.213,-0.6562,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,4,3,6,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,11,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,4,1,8,3,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,28,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763506848203547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469828581247254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949166908805753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925491403492917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666505639264773,0.1944156734412169,0.0,0.0,0.17019807388382271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739473942444522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072752901594624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688158217057774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672418943260535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310128458201238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012730145519692,0.18820713857128124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174370997788985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524858749478254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697996969091727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,22ndCenturySquirrel,2019/01/23,"Who else feels like people would just be better off if you/I wasn’t here? I’ve made so many mistakes, I can’t see how I can ever come back from what happened in my 20s. I’ve made a real fool of myself. It feels like I’m never going to get better. I would love a painless was to die and I genuinely feel like my friends and family would be better without me here. ",-0.16857946554149095,1.8917569240506324,2.1725738396624514,95.12049226441636,87.35443037974684,4.523769338959212,16.372714486638532,5.82211442006289,-0.581532770745429,283,6,64,2,9,96,55,79,0.106,0.609,0.285,0.934,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,3,2,19,21,5,1,5,3,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,4,8,8,7,12,0,7,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680243019321644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43753750666530905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205179985862654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711462512955615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775768890590429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491667948018741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545857209864106,0.0,0.2501440787383076,0.3534263460409183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740586126753056,0.0,0.08615650757149901,0.0,0.09371980262695433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582571070524808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416940259358103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883398039027812,0.3120758310768121,0.0,0.1671886628449831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718556824898988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432496234047355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769897543700995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140862297558908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896336797672975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514331826855378,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dabo0sh,2019/01/23,"I miss my brother. Today would have been my older brothers 39th birthday. I still can't believe that we will never talk again, listen to music or share a laugh together. He committed suicide about 4 weeks ago.

I'm not sure if I'll ever truly get over it. More people cared than he knew. The amount of tears that I and others shed seem to go on. Seeing your cold, lifeless body is something that will vividly stick with me the rest of my life. It felt like you were just gonna get up and talk, but thats never going to happen again. I am so hurt that you just arent here anymore. It hurts. Its painful. I just want you back bro. I wish none of this happened. Im so sorry. 

I never got to tell you how much you meant to me... you were the most significant influence on my life as a kid. I'll never get to introduce you to my future kids. I will always make sure that they will know about you. I will always spend your birthday every year watching our favorite movie and listening to your favorite songs. 

I love you bro. Your light will never go out.



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suicidewatch,go2rehab,2019/01/23,Alone and sad Are there any communities for us ,2.956666666666667,5.737758000000002,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,80.1111111111111,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.314244444444444,38,1,8,1,1,12,9,9,0.421,0.579,0.0,-0.6249,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.599759675412035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937991404658441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6965705769827011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mangobernt,2019/01/23,"Im so fucking tired of this I only see one way out of this everlasting nightmare. I feel like im not made for this world we live in. Too weak. I’ve saved up some meds, and i feel the time has come

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suicidewatch,nahgemo,2019/01/23,"I have no future. In 2 weeks, I’m gone. I got lucky and got a job I love but I keep screwing up. Today I got properly told off for the first time over something kinda minor. My probation period ends in 2 weeks and if I don’t pass I’m taking action. I wrote my note last night. I can’t wait for everything to be over. I can’t live being a failure. ",-0.8813131313131315,1.053155038961041,2.305108225108224,93.77448773448776,89.51948051948051,5.500144300144299,16.347763347763347,6.937597516519254,-0.10412150072150084,266,6,63,4,9,95,53,77,0.126,0.807,0.067,-0.5994,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,18,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,6,0,11,2,9,10,0,19,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,3,10,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038921090951283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689220030934888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581111021971095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5523446740530651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844160526986385,0.2046155846088076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764670262069985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327404372494606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776778519594735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160305345545075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772220193349926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308449836837267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423360170893087,0.0,0.21820614668091826,0.21996945625107228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693109706218146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zerximus,2019/01/23,"My life has no meaning and it's full of pain and suffering I should have not been born. My Mom and Dad don't love me. My Mom uses me as a therapist to talk to about things that don't matter to me. My Dad thinks I'm a disgrace. I am broken and have severe anxiety and depression.

I don't know how much longer I can go on. I don't see myself living a normal life. I can't relate to anyone. This world sucks. Oh and my Mom is being nosy and trying to see what I'm writing. She is such a helicopter parent. So annoying.

I don't want to be here any longer. I don't see a good future ahead of me. Life is just too painful and hard. Really wish I would die in my sleep.",-0.495433673469389,1.378294843537418,2.201288265306122,95.64438137755104,86.95918367346941,5.579761904761906,15.990221088435373,6.9077264865688965,-0.2934758503401365,510,10,124,7,16,177,89,147,0.295,0.685,0.02,-0.9892,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,0,5,0,20,7,1,2,0,22,34,11,1,5,2,6,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,1,4,21,2,13,29,2,8,0,2,3,1,10,4,1,0,3,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919748271023184,0.0,0.11159114137439284,0.0,0.0,0.10199660111009404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563873259868874,0.0,0.15139137405741362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290201852906245,0.12234992139275805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067202823867569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016704884413317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090996286633285,0.0,0.0,0.12880702593255774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165453889379294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588966038430436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125280929400855,0.0,0.0,0.10723218595930592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429228976488355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104346850493201,0.0,0.16197281034524338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344888679708396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34872160818020176,0.0,0.0,0.16479304268744666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597664146113212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724582137954855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936781647351598,0.0969104066475971,0.09346843578335792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903703403215064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598596351102945,0.0,0.0,0.08603866916024629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774479023199407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362278268514906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Woffo2020,2019/01/23,i cut for the first time just now Should i cut until i bleed out,-1.9800000000000004,-0.1462713333333312,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,95.66666666666666,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.673,50,0,14,0,2,16,12,15,0.29600000000000004,0.7040000000000001,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8248012880579004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5654227049014113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkbicyclee,2019/01/23,For life begins and ends with purpose I was born. Then my creator(my mom) died almost three years ago. February third is the anniversary of her death. The days leading up to it have been unbearably miserable. I’ve realized i have no purpose on this earth. My life ended when my mom died. My drive and passion for life depleted. It’s a waste of time trying to help me and if I wasn’t so much of a coward I’d be gone already. I have two options: let my therapist know my plan or to follow through with said plan. ,2.0569902912621387,4.218103291262138,3.3202038834951466,89.60380097087379,79.19417475728156,6.838446601941747,24.863106796116504,7.908726449838941,1.4159949514563106,401,15,83,7,10,130,73,103,0.201,0.748,0.051,-0.9506,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,4,0,9,4,0,1,0,12,14,8,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,5,1,12,1,13,7,1,16,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,4,10,54,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871396406282432,0.0,0.1905856329457136,0.0,0.2100312772069038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274557868803147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950600710159618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371475834464557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275726013128989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459909029391763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462290112681413,0.4033021102128048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458188498855014,0.0,0.0,0.1399127105624077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810451647748779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098505288177947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109815741137022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921997023130818,0.0,0.1859224429891442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256475632949075
suicidewatch,waitingfornothin,2019/01/23,"never fit in  I never fit in and been alone all my life... i come to the point where i know that i can never be loved. so many times ive tried only to be rejected and go in a deep depression. i am ready to end it. i never thought i'd be like this. i've always been strong and liked living despite things ive gone thru. but i dont fit in anywhere and being rejected hurts too much. i dont even know how to explain it how worthless I feel. I feel it in my soul that i am so unwanted. not once has anyone ever liked me or thought im worth it to give a damn about. i never even had real friends before. i feel deeply alone in this world. i never belonged anyways. when i was five years old i was already sitting alone and feeling worthless, in elementary school always chosen last, it will never change for me. I had hope before that my life would change but i am twenty five and still the same always unwanted. i know everything just goes down hill from here. ",1.4160883364189338,3.3572403417085432,2.963078550647978,92.47355725998415,80.25628140703517,5.596508860089923,20.523935466807718,6.5966054737557815,0.19836080402009992,744,20,162,7,19,244,110,199,0.211,0.6829999999999999,0.105,-0.971,0,5,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,15,14,1,0,4,0,21,3,0,2,9,39,37,14,0,4,5,0,4,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,10,0,1,3,10,7,0,2,9,4,26,7,17,22,3,34,1,6,0,1,4,15,1,2,18,113,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162741436392813,0.11232883268052672,0.0,0.2540946473334271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117459149736118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323318412988972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536263350927767,0.08768388099852016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767238684067187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23859644545872455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015655904499732,0.0,0.0,0.1344639107540695,0.0920757322142716,0.0,0.0,0.09148313270150434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587422948908385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864342717948107,0.0,0.0,0.09764714424217412,0.05785013656233243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110137043891104,0.0,0.0,0.10896930578272553,0.0,0.1099516818284218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782491448527795,0.08297320136371278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379590144938148,0.14918973381048534,0.0,0.08988326427509279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187029687807724,0.0,0.0,0.10320003570381334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482805258171832,0.0,0.5495521330613707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681246768866227,0.10840402822956426,0.0,0.07741659619300803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622533935281244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586037376606645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030178649038222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129037559265495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762537702154141,0.0,0.0,0.16162127125005504,0.0593551152715161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910936603407059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230936273527865,0.0,0.0,0.06555002754519433
suicidewatch,randomchovek,2019/01/23,Feeling hopeless I don't understand how people can go on for years like this. I want the fucking pain to end right now.,3.213750000000001,5.007999541666671,3.84,88.905,74.41666666666666,6.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.5105666666666666,95,4,19,1,2,30,23,24,0.236,0.5720000000000001,0.192,-0.4970000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,7,0,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435901957205407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961486983123024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586343653772282,0.0,0.0,0.2204691478297357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895226495717522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127841015452655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26894131567048024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33128948276352305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038480581923329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881073834787574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498137354876112
suicidewatch,ChristianShorty,2019/01/23,"I've rediscovered self-harm It feels nice. I feel this strange calm rise through my chest, and all the pain just goes away. I'm not using a razor, for now. Just deep scratches, I don't want anyone to know. 

​

I like it a lot. It feels the way suicide feels, I guess. Whenever I attempt, it just brings me such peace, like everything is going to be okay. When I fail, it just makes it worse. I've failed eight times now, I think. 

​

It feels good. I want to see blood, but I don't want people knowing.",0.5948076923076933,3.0025234807692343,1.3723076923076931,99.47269230769231,88.23076923076924,4.3538461538461535,18.576923076923077,5.873414542411696,-0.4372076923076924,398,11,90,3,13,122,69,104,0.163,0.71,0.127,-0.3828,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,4,1,4,3,2,2,1,23,22,3,1,3,6,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,0,7,11,6,6,21,2,10,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,6,47,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364695338995939,0.377339612150038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856825663479784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588109132227844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139546487305943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925453892926594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824340738071207,0.13023294423976373,0.0,0.0,0.17104719355172907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066444641953618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171396577400306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200483422201786,0.0,0.0,0.1036437993588244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521801799257108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764453128173243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372993034065835,0.0,0.1619802678750486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983996344611754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949062040241323,0.0,0.0,0.0905390709214662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410325706916204,0.0,0.0,0.2747464585753236,0.1232459426050101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823319458164226,0.0,0.0,0.377339612150038,0.0
suicidewatch,xLionLeonx,2019/01/23,"What's your story? I don't know if this will help anyone but, there are so many people here tonight. If anyone would like to share their stories. I'm all ears.",-0.2890909090909091,1.9884376666666697,0.5718787878787914,102.7178181818182,96.57575757575758,2.64,12.66060606060606,3.1291,-1.7599648484848485,125,2,28,0,5,38,30,33,0.0,0.767,0.233,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,6,6,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6279987266383602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30100136696218577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467964816696648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193923442093666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552853036987991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113277797298811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190056083670665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OpenProfile,2019/01/23,23 years old & burnt the fuck out i’m just so tired of living this life. i wish i could have a do-over. i wish i was born to a different family that loved me the way i needed to be loved- unconditionally. to parents who actually wanted children to raise & love & not just cross off their to-do list. i wish i had friends that gave a shit- not friends that only cared about me when they needed something from me. i wish i didn’t get into drugs. i wish i didn’t black out so much in college. i wish those guys didn’t rape me. i wish that one guy didn’t use me to cheat on his fiance. i wish that other guy didn’t abuse me. i wish i didn’t get pregnant. i wish i got my degree. i wish i never lived in the midwest. i wish i wasn’t stuck in food service. i wish i knew what i wanted. i wish i followed my dreams when i had them. i wish my friends would talk to me. i wish i was thinner & prettier. i wish my hair was straighter & my boobs were bigger. i wish i was better at singing & more athletic. i wish i didn’t have such bad anxiety & i wasn’t so shy. i wish i could be more than just the “comedic relief” to my friends & family who actually stuck around. i wish i could just disappear but not die because i know if i kill myself those bitches will make it about themselves & they don’t deserve that. i don’t hate myself i hate what i been through. & yeah a lot of it was my fault but a lot of it wasn’t. i wish i had been dealt a different hand & life was kinder to me. i wish i was tough enough to handle all this. i wish i knew where to go from here.,0.27812585499315995,2.0594613953488405,2.111114911080712,97.94756497948015,83.30232558139534,5.3261285909712734,18.838577291381668,6.37848985222837,-0.3137363885088917,1216,30,303,11,34,401,147,344,0.14400000000000002,0.596,0.26,0.9786,4,0,2,0,1,1,54.0,0,0,4,1,15,22,8,0,10,1,34,14,4,2,2,55,83,8,2,33,10,1,2,0,4,2,4,0,0,4,18,4,1,0,3,3,0,4,16,11,0,1,29,3,74,11,29,47,7,23,0,0,1,6,21,12,4,3,6,192,92,2,0.0,0.03768830603546418,0.06208173152242949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791138358065737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024333696232197697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028316635550178763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026559075333464563,0.019390390117355084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028132357989777056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032431259912192985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619037609648267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03301258203040009,0.06646699179997753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036888187136606604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032867062713709434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997313788512234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846340830438518,0.0,0.09830180712482144,0.029406785030875474,0.03323764034708554,0.0,0.01807771218285208,0.0,0.025440456779001686,0.0,0.0,0.09448733810151602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280934161298797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519179852035929,0.0,0.017481321459559326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044935087001476096,0.0,0.0,0.056175624749634834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408552254822245,0.08612623325403397,0.0,0.021232665758956524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023383177260404484,0.047171743744835085,0.02453295922708719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337805514659917,0.0,0.021554511536258796,0.024192076757594688,0.0,0.0,0.03531998253869428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032651344926014465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024488019899397792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025566762440151332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03655961340607911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0274726481675868,0.0,0.0,0.03752338785645618,0.025248398087182974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8778870551405418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022596106514724417,0.0,0.0,0.020483867488596853
suicidewatch,fwowawayOwO,2019/01/23,"i'm so scared throwaway because i have people IRL who know my username.

everything is terrifying right now. i suffer from psychosis and it's out of control. my docs know, my supports know, but it's nights when i'm alone like htis that everything seems. terrifying and uncontrollable. i feel like nobody i love is safe. that i'm not safe. that something is going to happen. just a constant weight of dread. it's getting in the way of my quality of life, but i can never sstop and use the skills i learned through 15 years of intense psychotherapy. i'm in withdrawl from one of my major medications, and i can't get it until thursday because pharmacies are fucking stupid. 

it's hard. it's s o fucking hard. i know this is going to go away eventually, but it always fucking comes back. it's a goddamn cycle and i'm sick of it. i want to kill myself so badly, so that i'll never have to deal with the fear and paranoia and dread ever again. fuck this",2.5821158392434995,4.823223712765955,3.98652482269504,85.08388888888891,77.82978723404256,6.305437352245864,26.401891252955078,7.3871296695380915,1.4481728132387706,750,30,145,10,18,247,107,188,0.29100000000000004,0.601,0.109,-0.9924,0,1,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,2,9,19,6,5,5,0,9,9,0,2,3,30,35,15,1,1,5,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,16,10,1,3,7,0,0,4,4,13,0,1,0,4,15,6,20,35,1,22,0,1,0,5,3,5,4,1,14,88,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483458070405996,0.0,0.0,0.10832610227987492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122315072731961,0.10010584948266617,0.10870079661072066,0.158721704418178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112144665316913,0.0,0.14068601308911788,0.1460159107831564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342171910485106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776169183425475,0.0,0.0,0.2340075549148216,0.0,0.0,0.14649668979428027,0.06582651309600536,0.09300569541154208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814235312761394,0.13603478049691298,0.0,0.2219649995908589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512402896631023,0.0,0.23324415343289764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403274531576188,0.0,0.2861897177674527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195500392060002,0.12720568916711605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749894711128593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114981414717572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081664573936325,0.0,0.0,0.12217178101072627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821815312199957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025534806176902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117907823675892,0.0,0.0,0.1303400056530465,0.0,0.0,0.11851745292851455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022439550558274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477347864877617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124398610767894,0.0,0.0,0.07678772887078816,0.10333646600125704,0.0,0.1585328239847109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383622869857132
suicidewatch,Schauma7,2019/01/23,"And I'm back to zero. All the work I put into improving my life for the last 1 year and 4 month was completly worthless. 
I don't gonna fight any thought about killing myself any longer, I really just cant wait to be one in a thousand who kill themself.",2.677222222222224,3.6758854259259266,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,74.37037037037038,7.622222222222224,26.462962962962962,8.07648339933343,1.4134962962962965,199,7,45,3,4,66,47,54,0.214,0.6970000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.8408,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,3,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,8,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,2,0,5,0,6,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36755943610535613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078060781815598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28335267830207866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5979846350332323,0.0,0.0,0.22029036012768166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088603545808414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571150077399026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312884331377047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716765599345131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731294948085743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145488390396077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967457012509632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403256638263775
suicidewatch,PMinisterOfMalaysia,2019/01/23,"I've dealt with suicidal ideation from early childhood. Sometimes it goes away (for years even) , but it's still the most active thought I have whenever things go wrong in life. It just seems fucked up that my mind is always planning a way out of life. I've already had a single attempt in the past (tricyclic oversose), but somehow managed to live and woke up very very displeased in the hospital. The second chance at life was the worst thing that could have happened to me. 

I think that kinda helped me out going forward though.  I refuse to be a person that has multiple attempts, so if I get to the point of choosing to opt out again (which is my fucking right), I'm going to make it count.  I'd honestly do it today, but I dont think I'm setting up my family (no kids/wife, just bro/parents/sis) for handling my loss in the best way possible. 

I feel like I'd need a higher life insurance policy in place first, and anything shameful in my possession (letters from court, sex toys,  ect) would need to be removed from my property first. I don't want anyone getting an inside perspective as to what my life was like. The only things they should know is what I let them know, nobody is entitled to anything else. 

I know people wont really be able to give any advice here, but I'm curious as to best plan to clean up loose ends and what I should leave behind if I do decide to go through with it. Do I pay off any debts, or do I just leave them be? Do I throw away important documents or let my family see them? Shit like that is what confuses me as I dont know if it even matters or not.",6.850687499999999,5.541003693750002,7.033750000000001,80.25625000000005,65.1875,10.375,33.4375,9.354420925462401,2.7345312499999994,1242,43,257,19,16,402,177,320,0.142,0.732,0.126,-0.6966,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,4,9,11,14,3,2,13,0,30,9,1,1,0,48,58,18,1,10,14,0,1,3,0,4,5,0,1,1,20,8,0,1,11,1,2,7,6,8,0,3,5,2,30,6,44,42,5,40,0,1,1,3,9,21,3,11,14,171,50,2,0.09708735611525822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948726407489967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071383117032348,0.0,0.08078445779383481,0.0,0.0,0.13204546285135374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788573678925662,0.0,0.1597892434079971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824335339812311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377438085818245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775163537879657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275713165963689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110402805686442,0.0,0.08599058046410672,0.0,0.0,0.1282505661229301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305063758409015,0.0,0.0490902844005263,0.06935922660771149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516491102907954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795113925674844,0.1014482728747465,0.09313503868150164,0.2207079274372037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585402837680539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507560829042368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342668746893065,0.0,0.0,0.20560298363698692,0.0,0.1985567989949552,0.342878354192188,0.14229593437839913,0.0,0.08572991417259304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480656410261038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980305531822758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397808874008305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383930924947506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926808670753438,0.06730814829214465,0.08477293452594523,0.10143562315004888,0.0,0.09177893293569676,0.10945140637664047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219664639126945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291207164612921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736605288149041,0.08838468266124569,0.0,0.0,0.09965877586951613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602187771525814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753408800649576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619780967455134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350157611774185,0.1244193151660742,0.09538783444380984,0.07707651599260018,0.0,0.0,0.0920274614706828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602144732111283,0.05726463808343885,0.15412684847968544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896807221194945,0.1061497828835377,0.0,0.0625210742042203
suicidewatch,abusedthrowaway69,2019/01/23,"My entire life is a mess. I don’t even care anymore. I’ll never make it anywhere in life. Everything I’ve tried to do, has led up to this point of failure. My grades are complete garbage. I have terrible anger issues, I’ve never even connected with someone. Everyday I try and try to atleast become a little successful. Nothing ever works. Nothing ever worked. I don’t even care if my family gets sad, they’re the reason I’m like this.

I’m so fucking done with everyone and everything.",1.9760765550239228,4.602170263157895,3.6771291866028726,84.08172248803828,83.21052631578948,6.822966507177035,26.5311004784689,8.00094639256281,2.109947368421053,385,17,70,8,11,128,65,95,0.157,0.7190000000000001,0.124,-0.5095,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,2,0,3,0,8,3,0,3,4,12,15,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,7,4,8,14,0,10,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,6,40,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368663269021998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115000064306374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160004448207089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248101846493615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585860861429432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30706474301816056,0.2803548887036328,0.0,0.14807858219098313,0.27855052433473404,0.0,0.14609005555367946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326543550363185,0.08096439332689151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174634881887176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189169880998856,0.07570954584940433,0.1553186655777471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344235534983258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904177788705736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29739198552991497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649486708369394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593329323731632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130389874651502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156393355271742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256371255031829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hi_I_am_Chad,2019/01/23,"My gf tried to kill herself last year. Last December my gf failed an attempt. She and i got in an argument that day. She kept the fact that she had an attempt from me until after New Year’s Eve. 
I stayed strong for her until now. She needed me to keep going and help her find some sense of direction again. 
But I could only delay confronting what actually happened. I’m crying, unable to sleep, I don’t know what to do. I just need some support or advice or anything. I’m trying to keep it together but I’ve already lost a friend to suicide, I couldn’t handle seeing her lifeless body in a coffin like him. 


Guys if any of you are considering suicide, it’s never worth it. You have no idea who you’ve been able to guide and influence in your lives. Please keep fighting for everyone who loves you, or for those who will love you. 
I know I wouldn’t be the same if my closest friends hadn’t made it before I met them. ",2.912905525846704,4.433440219251342,4.0377754010695215,88.31823172905528,74.6149732620321,6.697896613190732,24.231372549019607,7.3011,0.9401218538324424,719,22,150,8,15,234,117,187,0.16699999999999998,0.685,0.14800000000000002,-0.2261,0,0,0,0,2,2,19.0,0,5,1,5,3,12,3,0,7,0,12,4,2,2,2,32,32,12,4,7,8,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,5,4,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,8,1,29,7,19,19,3,20,0,2,1,2,28,4,0,7,15,97,41,1,0.13546924918283512,0.0,0.13219844552831894,0.0,0.0,0.13237898243929586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949368512953834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212373488282452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147964934937957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527435327292695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047579648599893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816117223936213,0.0,0.14880660908146393,0.0873664586315642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944667300133333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381643952073333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932641174531247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699029620067772,0.0,0.10834713392294226,0.0,0.0,0.1341358551360231,0.1197950096583152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080218215803797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529282929537374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36123387932915146,0.14987665278171128,0.0,0.1489007130479049,0.2208510378476854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618343233464631,0.0,0.11962182894014205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788068826207987,0.0,0.2445325729202457,0.128184279086212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008974634888973,0.10448223638410643,0.13083704502310514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030304684817089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487045549507243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795145233590182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556708345446114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439219487175448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963627421143073,0.15372889858944774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839494555201661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447550987988955
suicidewatch,GatewayAssassin,2019/01/23,"I'm so done I've been dealing with depression since I was 4 fucking years old.  I've gone numb at this point, and only recently have I been diagnosed with PTSD. I reached out to a fucking hotline and the best they could recommend was breathing exercises, somethig you tell to someone who is fucking upset. 

I'm so tired of thinking so much, I'm so tired of bring scared 24/7, I'm so tired of living.  I can't even pass highschool, and all my parents do is tell of try and push me in the right direction.  I'm going to kill myself soon. I want to stop everything, fuck other people, fuck feelings, fuck everything. I'm done with life.",4.148333333333333,5.278564468253972,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,70.98412698412699,8.13968253968254,30.66666666666667,8.515128840125781,2.286752380952381,497,21,99,8,9,162,80,126,0.273,0.6609999999999999,0.066,-0.9841,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,1,1,8,12,7,2,3,0,12,14,1,0,1,14,30,9,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,2,1,0,5,1,11,0,0,7,1,10,1,14,22,3,15,0,1,0,6,7,5,6,0,5,56,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211065953686205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290248407162456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199601039273076,0.1002190711328554,0.1181010340881393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814949394902185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768534353989577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915033601925948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883415746135678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6454271959550664,0.0,0.0,0.06612899637056764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873301074203902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218717543391446,0.0,0.0,0.10274634443806288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553660045834796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122098264720676,0.0,0.0,0.08849558726889059,0.0,0.0,0.1292019130233399,0.0,0.0,0.08066806382180859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099960258514248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601640587665614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488959778734817,0.0,0.0,0.099369191648508,0.0,0.0,0.11649476867962527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625263243558248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985898504734856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728059157861528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340423668886246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455757966271333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40120959739583595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899951991841976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863102903377208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493080900433391
suicidewatch,Mayaal31,2019/01/23,"Codeine I was prescribed codeine. I read it’s a good way to go. Painless and in your sleep?  

My mother though, the pain she will go through when she finds out. 

It is like sophies choice",0.6008108108108097,3.0846593513513523,0.3716756756756752,105.57805405405406,90.62162162162159,2.9600000000000004,23.616216216216216,3.1291,-0.4509632432432431,144,6,33,0,5,41,32,37,0.083,0.727,0.19,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,20,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272771710805254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070084140481233,0.30033917357224443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749390193315594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810206647234979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581753017764649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583370006143977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35181021060067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842259672788625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BruceDeschain298,2019/01/23,"Anyone else feel like there's something keeping you from committing suicide? It seems sometimes like there's some kind of external source that keeps me from going through with it.  

I tried to buy a gun once, only to miss out on the opportunity because of a simple mistake and some miscommunication.  Whenever I've attempted suicide there's always some tiny mistake or coincidence that keeps me alive.  Yet not a day goes by where I don't want to die.

Maybe I'm just trying to find hope in a hopeless situation.  Just wish I knew.",5.8611255411255385,7.348950696969702,6.255007215007215,75.40727272727275,67.28282828282829,8.889466089466088,32.324675324675326,9.23628265651192,2.9012008658008654,425,18,76,8,7,137,73,99,0.196,0.622,0.182,-0.3769,0,0,1,1,0,4,8.0,0,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,23,13,2,3,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,6,5,14,12,3,7,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,6,4,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816353436538113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450650744432988,0.18244763766615468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854617775472013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483656614998172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848023467050736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487496453691757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003452196641211,0.12720897602944842,0.0,0.0,0.16274729421550474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119788968259248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685775592615693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748144646006,0.0,0.1854262822509934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398617786218895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888924793716654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896323767205604,0.0,0.13542571593932926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210280200521662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015142624876325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708238693362232,0.17610987518169402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38954628781192135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178757097363726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050267762426477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476484261690184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KlatyR,2019/01/23,"i could do it but im scared been diagnosed with moderate depression and a couple other mental illnesses, primarily mood imbalance and schizoidism. suicidality has been kimda swingy, i know ppl say to wait it out since a lot of suicide attempts happen from impulse, but ive been trying to hold off for the past 5ish days and i just cant. the mental agony is just too much. yes i have a therapist and a support person, we meet weekly and biweekly respectively. i have trouble telling them though, i just lock up every time and lie and say life's getting better and i'm great. i've been on 150mg Sertraline and 25mgx2 (day/night) Quetiapine for almost a year, it was okay for the first few months and depression tests still show them working at least somewhat, but i feel just as awful as before i got all this help (around Winter 2018).

thing is, i have every reason NOT to die. i have a loving bf (been dating 1+ years), a happy puppy that we got over a week ago, i should be moving out in 2 months, i got funded from the SII for my conditions so i can pay rent and food and stuff that's been on my wishlist for ages (i'm thinking of saving some of it so i can meet up and live with my bf), and if i actually had any motivation i could continue growing my community and make at least some kind of living via Patreon and commissioning.

ive been off school for the past 7 school days, it's quarter past 8 rn and im going to skip school again. i'm doing bad there but idfc since im not gonna get employed anyway. i'm mainly worried that the SII will stop funding me since it's a contract until i graduate in mid-2021, and if the school secretary notices i have too many consecutive absences, the contract ends. then we cant even afford food.

ive tried killing myself many times but someone was always there to stop me. even during the last summer i went to hang myself near the beach's forest and mom called me right before i got the rope out. after that she got rid of it and i think i'm gonna try blocking her car's tailpipe and hope the car fills up with CO, gonna sit there for as long as it takes me. i already stole her keys so i could do it rn but i dont know if she's asleep anymore.

i dont think anyone's gonna comment on this but if someone does i can try to tell what's wrong. usually there's so many things on my mind that i forget ones and remember others constantly, it's all just so cluttered that i couldnt put it in this post.",3.516256038647345,4.463170496047431,4.7466073781291165,86.06623956960917,72.300395256917,7.677558190601668,25.32037768994291,7.984000788550335,1.274337900746596,1925,57,411,26,36,637,257,506,0.122,0.7759999999999999,0.102,-0.9074,3,0,0,0,0,3,46.0,3,0,2,5,23,18,1,1,21,3,38,7,1,3,2,81,69,45,4,10,18,1,1,0,2,6,3,2,1,1,26,32,2,5,9,2,4,9,7,7,0,3,16,3,51,10,50,42,11,65,0,2,0,1,23,21,0,10,33,255,77,10,0.0,0.0,0.06957631824918997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320115267311667,0.0,0.07139439673540787,0.0,0.07867883900789786,0.0,0.059325438753479474,0.0,0.0,0.048484914258226736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070820878126682,0.049853043891237535,0.0,0.0,0.06347011265540371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595306423480705,0.0,0.0,0.12133826622898733,0.0,0.0,0.06305706508490995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280297334663227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704753773403572,0.0,0.17077635319817527,0.07888960321934617,0.0,0.13794344946557474,0.0,0.1228172935668937,0.07236571448027278,0.07399580705137912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062393140661008914,0.0,0.16712086177815386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314864336551672,0.0,0.0,0.09418298164533344,0.0,0.12014285724323424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03605028417751624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060645828919751274,0.17242704232033718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450026234546757,0.0,0.04052015384258257,0.0,0.2851166154444455,0.07860602003117043,0.0,0.0,0.0630483640207877,0.07589777964034848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047789378296397775,0.0,0.0,0.07081475217377489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310414111886089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888039568385001,0.07424563404271088,0.07836675656169559,0.05811718145983352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035970867919813,0.0,0.0,0.12591443729354,0.06309626430023553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606147966109693,0.06434900216791005,0.0,0.04759180112719981,0.2168541807385112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370272326640732,0.0,0.0719904018372783,0.08350306198031959,0.11381836614356387,0.07577822384455142,0.05241204917615215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690810764177085,0.0,0.0,0.08117295985211642,0.0,0.0,0.048313199956762115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041853069310553,0.0,0.06225444438837961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682835350720501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167393036602232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330596064709033,0.0,0.0,0.08076645100850648,0.0608878881247121,0.0,0.11339766345387955,0.0713814847922811,0.2886285137764219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769347043551635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208207028008327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693847449066234,0.11921622141591555,0.0,0.0,0.08161886482563492,0.1559763307362837,0.08090784070577928,0.0,0.0,0.0536070341715097,0.0,0.1246347504909976,0.0,0.0,0.08278218192097825,0.09473411277510133,0.13705415614359867,0.07004967644351942,0.0,0.08314858166513152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362596599208345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852439770884036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438150734852065,0.0,0.0,0.06609372767125117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051905610460743865,0.07240632503572286,0.0,0.0,0.07795289607839707,0.0,0.09182682559979458
suicidewatch,Original_Shock,2019/01/23,"finally able to put it into words I want to rest deeply in the earth, with gentle wind blowing the grass above me. Soul at ease. Never another yesterday, never another tomorrow. I wish so much you wouldn't cry. I am in my soulmate's arms again. My love for you is everlasting.",1.99722222222222,4.5400105740740795,3.8718518518518543,83.33333333333336,82.14814814814815,8.044444444444443,23.814814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.157948148148148,217,8,42,6,6,73,45,54,0.038,0.732,0.229,0.8806,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,2,8,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,8,5,2,11,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,28,9,0,0.2651861066297171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561415096076835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29129448595248986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29049841761836764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393408147901799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494230107734165,0.0,0.4090557472754881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665852820569937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641363642531386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049509352907401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rmnviii,2019/01/23,"I either want foresight to know when things will get better or do something harmless but bad enough so everyone can hate me and I can die without hurting anyone. Every time I try to reach out to people I either scare them away or just get hollow answers. Not that I'm expecting an answer that will fix everything.

But lately my heart has been in constant pain (real heartache) because I'm feeling so alone in the world. No significant other, my family doesn't feel ""real"" (dissociation), and the older I get and see people moving on with their lives and grasping adult concepts and being in good relationships I just get angry and sad all over again. And I can never dig out of this hole.

Today I ate nothing. I just didn't care or make time for it. I mustered the willpower to get in a hot shower only cause it's cold in my apartment. Otherwise didn't use soap, didn't brush teeth, just feels like too much for me to handle.

And now I'm laying here in bed just hoping either I can have the foresight to know when things will get better or do something so bad everyone I know will hate me and won't feel bad when I die so I can just kill myself. I don't want to hurt anybody, I just want to leave. I'm tired of crying progressively more and more every day until my face is numb and just go into work like nothing's happening.

I can hardly afford my one bedroom apartment, my job is kinda shit and has nothing to do with what I want to do, and did I mention how lonely I am?

I'm a failure of a modern human being. I contribute nothing and I regret touching so many people's lives. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. That's all I ask. I just want to give up. Please.",3.5707988165680504,4.782163334319527,4.86919053254438,84.23350177514793,72.46153846153845,6.946461538461539,25.058461538461536,7.24861992348623,1.1206031715976337,1309,39,259,13,25,435,172,338,0.232,0.642,0.126,-0.9956,4,3,2,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,2,4,22,23,4,1,8,0,31,9,5,4,3,68,67,30,3,9,20,0,7,2,0,5,3,0,3,2,10,19,1,0,10,0,0,2,11,15,0,1,6,10,37,8,35,54,9,35,0,5,1,0,8,17,1,6,18,176,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088181946683707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135635655186392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203375786156734,0.0,0.0824433635648515,0.0,0.2198010211154852,0.053491163806345374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552142644250396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946626787341339,0.09014271115932576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948258286287629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638849464466026,0.05659104445637445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821398561216176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066849221764232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478651534750365,0.16769644875823358,0.0788634200833185,0.0,0.08272223826281642,0.0,0.17747474714822653,0.06268812329628799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750723508266673,0.08417713220898855,0.04986995402178159,0.07359995646289891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759642342623528,0.0,0.0786061444078254,0.17326855006294867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398335268867667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715486245905447,0.0,0.0,0.18787489856016606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707764842738162,0.0,0.09708160835854364,0.0,0.14467417479770933,0.0,0.0989850417168564,0.09291384736178064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857397591750907,0.0,0.1549684935279881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058573344594092434,0.08896402569508277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326362761754,0.06450583807643985,0.0,0.06767767604097667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367913112390911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946120219210165,0.06673730300546901,0.09337145068879496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250296486929152,0.0,0.0,0.09632238975795544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997558469523933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942099177225022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878523654778571,0.0,0.06992483767751216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007340385440166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510740895917633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659348251100972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233465452095072,0.1008549213071733,0.08317608389648831,0.0,0.0,0.0595760202377406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757872283348846,0.0,0.0,0.3105408928212704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458720174328524,0.0,0.06388254144359934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pudwonker-Was-Taken,2019/01/23,"I’m telling everybody except my family that I’m suicidal. I just don’t know what they would think, my mom put me through therapy before after my parents divorce but it never helped.

I’m just afraid that my parents will think less of me.",3.4854255319148923,5.450740042553196,4.558457446808512,83.30875,74.1063829787234,8.104255319148937,28.77127659574468,8.841846274778883,2.4393872340425533,190,8,36,4,4,62,34,47,0.063,0.937,0.0,-0.4118,2,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,24,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483569925184254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23800882202715265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922715021726134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875241065549968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956930120685413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472253520113691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.56068218102289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25380482887819145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761641905878899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067229576431596,0.0,0.28872457201043605,0.0,0.0,0.3235486642486972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934938486197766,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oujiaboard_,2019/01/23,yet another suicidal teen i’m a trans male and i have a lot of trans friends that i can relate too a lot but today i’ve seen them all hanging out without me as i was supposed their best friends and i know this is a dumb thing to be upset about but i’m really fucking suicidal this incident has caused me to spiral and i’m about ready to jump from the train platform that i’m @ rn,-0.04085365853658374,2.174346621951223,2.142146341463416,94.30956097560976,88.8780487804878,5.719024390243902,21.614634146341466,7.1686216300943375,0.7040887804878051,301,11,68,5,10,101,55,82,0.181,0.655,0.16399999999999998,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,4,6,2,1,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,12,13,6,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,1,8,3,10,10,4,6,0,0,1,1,5,2,2,2,2,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531534642462563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533589428952625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24800831461012515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730462093528749,0.2231920247629504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267997599854942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104990489516491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466199936379013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281559867069267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039096628107735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288411355475891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327235233124946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SullenSparrow,2019/01/23,"I just want to vent. I'm not particularly suicidal at this time but my emotions are going really crazy right now. I don't really know what's happening but I feel the need to vent and I browse this sub very often and know its a judgemental free zone... I just feel really awful and crazy right now for what feels like absolutely no reason. I can't make sense of anything. Nothing even went wrong. Im sorry I just wanted to put my thoughts into writing but I can't make sense of anything. Nothing even happened, im so tired of being crazy.",1.3021794871794867,3.8305097592592574,3.1648148148148145,87.169358974359,85.66666666666667,6.286039886039887,20.344729344729345,7.61054688173877,0.9349720797720796,426,13,85,8,13,142,67,108,0.208,0.67,0.122,-0.9057,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,3,0,25,21,7,1,3,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,2,3,10,3,9,18,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550017442954853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428453222665194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046703355664921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23502410831496226,0.11068782472917753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805490481706542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740225377371525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347195167792216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029987883734138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569493978180944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068447980039156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148846536412534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29733461195312105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575560598224086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977719835359601,0.15930219348080527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646326178406206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344054169032974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947715709639086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300356146093527,0.09034566443949243,0.1780785779781737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784017640631534,0.182773036360666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362919059258275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940051291671898,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dcap1325,2019/01/23,"Done no one will even notice when I’m gone, wouldn’t want it any other way.  I’m tired of bringing others down into my bullshit ",2.93888888888889,4.002543814814814,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,73.81481481481481,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.20039259259259268,101,2,21,0,2,33,25,27,0.295,0.662,0.043,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776168380671611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177707145322336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963831909508273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647833412817374,0.0,0.0,0.2766336295340979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4692112151961363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079021595283295,0.3240414885315239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fergtq,2019/01/23,"I've been through enough, I can't do this anymore Not that reddit needs to know all this. I just figured that writing out the words might make me not want to do anything. I don't think it will change anything. 

When I graduated college I moved and left a horrible family. I could go into detail but the reality is that the world isn't a suffering contest, thankfully, and the details aren't needed for this. Suffice to say, I moved. I've been on my own ever since. I was able to build a life and foundation without having holidays with friends or family. I was able to find ways to afford expensive car repairs when I didn't have anyone to rely on. I put my head down and kept moving forward. I was in one relationship for a long time and never realized that I was only being used for my paychecks so that she didn't have to work. I left and learned what Gaslighting was and tried to make myself better. But I was broken. I then met my most recent girlfriend through reddit. Without realizing it at the time, she was by far the best thing to happen in my life. She was kind and compassionate. She didn't put up with my bullshit which kept me honest and happy. I found out after a medical scare that I have cancer. Bad cancer. Less than 40% chance to survive bad.

We ran into some issues, mostly from my lack of understanding what she needed, and I didn't want to tell her about the diagnostic over the phone. I pushed for us to see each other, since it was a LDR, but she said it would be awkward with the fighting we had. Rather than let things cool off, and after she told me essentially what she thought I was doing to push her away, I kept pushing and pushing until she couldn't take it and permanently left. At the time I was between taking treatment and suicide. I took time to think and I am at the door of suicide. 

Even assuming I had a chance of remission, the reality is that I have zero friends or family in my life to come back to. Taking cancer treatment literally is taking a spot away from someone else who matters to their friends and family. I have a few things I am waiting to clear up financially to make sure that everything is taken care of when they find me but I know that there's not a 2020 in my future. Not anymore. ",4.439239579557813,5.4724795640449475,5.414679231605653,81.80955781080105,70.21348314606742,8.1689017760058,28.062703878216748,8.460557738077197,1.9198706052917718,1766,61,348,27,31,581,216,445,0.147,0.726,0.127,-0.9141,1,0,0,0,2,2,42.0,3,0,2,4,15,19,1,2,22,1,46,8,1,4,5,84,82,28,2,10,14,0,0,0,4,3,7,2,1,0,26,27,0,4,14,1,1,15,16,6,0,2,30,4,60,13,65,44,11,58,0,1,1,0,31,26,0,7,18,270,86,4,0.1625344889542461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611905387225933,0.056823946895955414,0.0,0.13375203557336754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527065026807153,0.062489494675277216,0.13570950920665634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528495928819356,0.07187427362744289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285737192235093,0.0,0.08596996900472567,0.07000453522344295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648852819391148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678883547755895,0.0,0.0,0.08397078764865379,0.0,0.053676248527503086,0.07351087526710938,0.0,0.0,0.07303775919386428,0.0,0.3064461019739643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855357834364236,0.0,0.0,0.08910533893651071,0.1883606144727274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618604784073293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186435590192347,0.08651049290416814,0.0,0.0,0.08340363843412751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482188934114618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462732938241083,0.08932470448515101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26489129672742706,0.0831012635021279,0.1722043743964158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191895403120886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273955021692504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186819906295907,0.0,0.08621170383407425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25912265921055205,0.0,0.18077589613881295,0.06267830890746241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506878807051666,0.061807401467140276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339205372609625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024159976773408,0.08725060715120256,0.0,0.0,0.07730375950947356,0.06462697463656034,0.08136268890702514,0.0,0.06475947214265522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344502088480172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885747252329011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778635050090513,0.0,0.07659341616135529,0.0,0.24441141605373035,0.0,0.07103115367180132,0.07481996011589724,0.0,0.0,0.16197103847797303,0.10414553766686103,0.0,0.06451711447553887,0.18955033515391465,0.0,0.0,0.07765433472914299,0.09029089882379847,0.05517512447793633,0.0,0.0,0.08460206754399438,0.09775448893408492,0.07018880651188704,0.0,0.0,0.09586705270861558,0.06450615598707503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667744729512914,0.0,0.05916352186755593,0.0,0.0,0.05772991880539545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uwueden,2019/01/23,"sometimes i think i can do it most nights, when i feel really lonely or stressed or sad and sometimes anxious the thoughts about ending my life are the strongest. they were just there whenever i felt these emotions strongly, more recently though, instead of the thought or feeling of wanting to be done being more of a thought that could just be there, its like a thought thats in the back of my head more and more and it’s just invading my other thoughts.

i guess this sounds kind of selfish, but the only thing stopping me from doing anything is my own fear of like the attempt not going well on the first try.

i don’t know, i just don’t really see a future for myself. i don’t really know if i want to have a future for myself. i don’t see a point in existing.

i dont know",5.621385372714489,5.32617791772152,5.894641350210973,84.06927566807316,67.29113924050633,8.7943741209564,32.11251758087201,8.167268648758528,2.177187623066104,613,23,127,7,9,196,93,158,0.119,0.804,0.077,-0.7431,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,12,10,0,2,12,0,17,2,1,0,0,31,35,10,0,4,10,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,12,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,8,6,19,5,15,23,6,14,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,6,11,99,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521194230655574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080784421857688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353975042835854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075093651078532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779664317412987,0.1578121684551692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146636231868552,0.11926248151763713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152192182842314,0.13616908048334653,0.0,0.12928787786317442,0.0,0.0,0.1145356679920884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765263328108438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833532440137293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819269867936895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022024996691074,0.22200509839788649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510930885438684,0.13156918778968202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636260299083746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024095802948606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729049198034967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587862420742937,0.0,0.13295347093293744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146018180612856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663502759138805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125758341388386,0.15424441512474188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945738793257939,0.08628012623792408,0.1322957675243375,0.5344967154773602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142046431941003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588435106305861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106910716414522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway69ymypphard,2019/01/23,"Ay i want to end my life right now so ill just put this out there on my throwaway i never use.
i don’t expect someone to talk to cause it looks like this sub is pretty dry. 
also I’m not even really like gonna kms atm but i feel pretty awful. so hey who wants to talk about why the good is worth the bad. no hope in my future that i see.",-1.7984415584415565,0.0580110389610411,0.8987142857142878,102.33378571428574,94.45454545454544,3.5994805194805197,10.297402597402598,4.935628992294339,-1.8447028571428568,258,2,67,1,10,88,60,77,0.151,0.62,0.229,0.6419,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,2,1,12,12,4,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,8,4,8,11,0,9,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,6,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250312242142135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010874932243148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159347875243626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910549379170292,0.0,0.0,0.14247434902865902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906940257702663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092722283241802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424859441332614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236227577420652,0.21076991426875755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114198106443588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636876653613844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389090178348833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168480205835665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381892801606505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842150688532167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189285559397458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277029119290603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467588799311327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630408777088195,0.0,0.0,0.2544625658955588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946446256898807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thee0verseer,2019/01/23,"I tried to hang myself today Obviously, I was unsuccessful. I was drunk. I tied a silk sash from my robe around my neck and tried to hang myself from my shower curtain rod. Idk what I was thinking but it was all I had. The shower rod broke.

I told a friend what I was doing so they could make sure my pets went to a good home and they called the cops. I spent the day in a crisis center. It didn't help. I came out feeling even more dejected and lower than ever. I'm humiliated and ashamed. My friend is staying over to make sure I won't try it again but all I can think about it ending this.

I guess I just want to talk to other people who've tried and failed. Has anyone else felt embarrassed? Shame? How did you get over that? I'm afraid of more people finding out and viewing me differently. ",0.28085946573751386,2.6392858780487813,1.989860627177702,94.7058943089431,89.60975609756098,4.587224157955865,15.73635307781649,6.18269132825596,-0.5648573751451798,620,13,137,6,21,202,102,164,0.238,0.647,0.115,-0.9748,4,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,2,1,8,11,0,4,7,0,14,2,1,3,6,30,29,10,0,2,3,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,9,10,1,0,5,1,1,4,2,6,0,0,13,4,25,5,17,14,4,17,0,2,1,0,9,7,0,1,5,90,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241859912697627,0.1647344244205553,0.0,0.1431250851345906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417068321369904,0.18388537356527346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836687519981774,0.0,0.0,0.10368747915369472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797712149019525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430805422370548,0.0,0.14240017198163882,0.0,0.0,0.10619129777982424,0.14543146102219334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129338008341963,0.0,0.15437055986575712,0.0,0.14694671951659585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843090007448565,0.0,0.083999034700284,0.0,0.0,0.13485161874583612,0.0,0.0,0.17711333385750425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776503382523547,0.0,0.16127184098911215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146389947350772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229242282314349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136625348245751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030597139961055,0.0,0.0,0.12922598252811898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603805418992455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239723083307835,0.15362874286736533,0.0,0.4366264956444012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483008798797164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904133621393365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ceveo,2019/01/23,"I’m really tired of fighting I can’t pay for school, my jobs are stressful and I feel like I’m out of control. I can’t manage people anymore, let alone myself.

I feel like a lot of people don’t understand me, I have been working on being more personable and it all went down the drain today, I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t think I can. When I try to explain how I feel, what I feel, I lose the words to say it. 

I’m really tired of trying. I’ve been struggling with this for years and I’m exhausted. I’m not sad but I feel empty, tired and broken. I don’t know if there ever will be a way to fix this.",0.3753431372549052,1.7356901617647085,2.9726470588235294,93.93607843137256,81.20588235294117,6.003921568627452,18.686274509803926,6.816661863887847,-0.05602254901960802,466,10,114,5,12,163,76,136,0.21600000000000005,0.742,0.042,-0.9571,1,1,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,1,2,4,0,15,4,0,3,2,26,31,9,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,10,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,3,6,17,2,14,24,3,9,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,2,6,71,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532375479267467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467323586388941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659449676030162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338344570225153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740543932694564,0.2113992513443912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682326347029592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262523442998195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129479057731254,0.0,0.1445674231974962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655246516470455,0.0,0.12578669759063044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514779149447213,0.12918926413648496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956849904932965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766036015846278,0.0,0.14973912975176826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694828250580533,0.1546754866967408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480407786137864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101601484693769,0.14024476201313466,0.0,0.0,0.20090450015246225,0.0,0.0,0.15402716579812925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744039680891337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715647333734754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771355661203537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527865957021656
suicidewatch,r_prab,2019/01/23,"Bored What do you do wen you are utterly bored in a class? You see people enjoying class but nothing interests you. All classmates are too different and you have no interest in them nor they have in you. You don't hate them but rather appreciate for what they are, it's just that 'i don't seem to belong here.' What do you do? Will not that boredom overwhelm you after some time? 'Gosh! Why am I even here?' 'I just wanna get out of here.' *Are you even aware what will be out of here* 'I don't know..but it's fukin boring here. I just wanna get out.It's a damn boring place I've been put into.' 

And so, all you want to do is just quietly, without disturbing anyone, exit. ",-0.402826086956523,1.8541066159420296,1.6372318840579716,95.61410869565219,95.15942028985506,5.0788405797101435,16.320289855072463,6.742157984588678,-0.1027692753623186,515,13,115,8,20,170,75,138,0.116,0.723,0.162,0.8406,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,11,4,0,14,11,2,2,2,0,20,0,0,0,2,21,26,6,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,1,2,20,3,15,22,3,11,0,1,1,0,15,8,1,2,2,89,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193241717267722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887439237860496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650746211253417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887799321530372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27285446891187104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518836708117769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651808834577576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915975693460091,0.0,0.2887439237860496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782442768136983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022813074057387,0.25159346669011523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115139071949028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300798260923596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249377566777032,0.0,0.0,0.2664072158510057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oneexpresspurpose,2019/01/24,"I dont even know why I'm here. In my head this weekend is the last stop. Since this past November I've just been becoming more and more emotionally drained I didnt even think I'd make it past new years but somehow I did And somehow it's only been getting worse. I feel guilty for the few people I know it would really hurt,but I'm not sure how much longer I can force myself to do this anymore. If someone wants to talk about anything before this sunday cool, if not no worries. Best wishes",2.2454901960784355,4.070336882352944,3.290784313725492,91.65519607843142,77.23529411764707,6.101960784313726,23.098039215686285,6.937597516519254,0.6116980392156863,390,12,84,4,9,125,72,102,0.172,0.732,0.096,-0.8463,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,1,9,1,1,2,1,21,19,6,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,8,3,5,14,5,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,8,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033470295926102,0.0,0.0,0.14963740301675005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008260834867541,0.1547309751947313,0.0,0.1908280463854959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131130987937263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454357957775748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020492544747565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194289320579876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500299125111147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866185259002652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946616294648457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998671159971208,0.14822246010798718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137845757229257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336720514149367,0.0,0.0,0.1756205347783687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829619868003148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34717040928928944,0.12606376120808085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649025233290375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041849644255412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407097652776205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202493633709782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138041800163106,0.0,0.0,0.14615471393617893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651462144442512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725292322237774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408075601449074,0.0,0.20910503711066955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466559035714336,0.18530873254233846,0.12917269018561853,0.0,0.0,0.11709788441577698
suicidewatch,NaomiIsBroken,2019/01/24,"I'm done. I am so tired of fighting. What am I even fighting for? For another day of being a useless crap person. For another day of being a terrible wife to a husband who deserves so much better. For another day of being a terrible mother. For another day of lying in bed, eating my depression, while my family tries to cover for me.

They tried all of the usual drugs, and without fail, things got worse. The voices telling me how useless and stupid I am, how everyone would be so much better off without me, how I need to just due so I don't cause any more harm, those voices just got louder, and much more insistent. So I do the best I can without medicine, and struggle along from day to day, fighting to stay alive, because when I am more lucid, I am pretty sure it would hurt my family if I killed myself. But it is exhausting, and tonight I am so tired of it all, and I just want to quit. My husband doesn't get home from work for another three hours, and if I die right now, it leaves my children alone. That's honestly all that's stopping me, and I'm not sure it's enough. Also, if I wait til he is home, he will try to stop me.",3.619876609442063,4.349378613733908,4.9786453862660975,85.30556464592277,71.87553648068668,8.22843347639485,27.438036480686694,8.472884824447931,1.7820817596566532,879,30,186,14,16,294,119,233,0.248,0.64,0.112,-0.9891,0,1,1,0,6,0,33.0,0,0,1,6,16,22,6,1,7,0,20,6,1,4,5,36,28,25,2,7,11,4,0,0,0,3,4,2,3,2,11,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,16,0,1,3,2,26,6,30,18,11,20,0,5,0,0,14,3,1,3,16,136,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673150118583301,0.0,0.07468983767051739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351340976163837,0.4896763943197057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693416577177119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801477060169367,0.16520475592775286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594481957510027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614014364624489,0.0,0.08044301213553229,0.0,0.0969317175413988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557792950613136,0.0,0.0,0.10831128970303316,0.09556881931151502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650444295593054,0.0,0.061688077594134826,0.0,0.0,0.08924518306896527,0.0,0.0,0.17609344389356713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048796267479161035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493968068511283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187370341048332,0.0,0.09197758936346936,0.0,0.09998380908016738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333034449738074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889432219758776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059734253448079,0.06925296143753626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155097511080746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501869541273532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933959235568966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976083792557111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954916234059336,0.0,0.15616875551633036,0.0,0.09763920284066063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605181915575044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163341216109438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204905809510994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146930595636204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023203670709185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286400057150147,0.0,0.05508818470407726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27009517592424315,0.0,0.06799439282419348,0.0,0.09517989234106844,0.13269361434399038,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mfdanger33,2019/01/24,I want to die ugh fuck everything life sucks,-0.33999999999999986,1.1436488888888905,0.5872222222222234,98.86750000000002,115.66666666666669,6.2444444444444445,15.611111111111107,7.1686216300943375,0.5618444444444441,36,1,8,1,2,11,9,9,0.747,0.17600000000000002,0.076,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5480339712048894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745785377386256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881749984293448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37297831101455503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114583894270717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,t1nted,2019/01/24,"Bored with my life This part of 2019 is the worst for me. I know my family hates me because everyone looks at me suspiciously and with malice. I have dreams of killing myself and dying, yet those are my best ones this year. My grandma posted a picture on Facebook without me, because I took the picture. She didnt put the 9 other ones with me in them. My brother has become what you would call a neet. He leeches off my parent's abilities and plays video games all day. He's taken offers to receive money from strangers of the internet, and he trusts them too much. He's gotten viruses twice onto my PC now, because he looks at porn and he's only 11. I am hated and bullied at school because of my reckless actions, and I believe I'm retarded. I still haven't gotten over my ex, who I dated a year ago, and I still speculate if she still likes me or not. I nearly got over her, when I saw a girl at the mall, but I didn't talk to her. My anxiety convinced me to go back to my ex, because that was my only chance at a relationship. A few days ago, I broke up with another girl, only because she wasn't satisfying for my needs, as she bored me me in life. I feel l like I can't go on because of boredom and past feelings. I hope you understand Reddit.",3.499573643410855,4.309754073643415,5.0015503875969,84.73317829457369,72.2170542635659,7.593798449612403,28.286821705426355,7.793537801064563,1.658393798449612,973,36,203,12,18,328,146,258,0.133,0.773,0.094,-0.8389,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,2,1,8,14,3,0,11,0,12,3,0,0,1,26,31,14,2,4,5,4,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,13,0,0,4,5,1,6,7,7,0,3,10,5,48,7,33,20,6,37,0,1,3,1,29,15,0,3,17,141,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362925089292186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043855500047823,0.08786600261577905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831865896166305,0.0,0.4901142994308828,0.12685156054364755,0.0,0.1294055558464838,0.12053631211252662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728278914490416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481477267012395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920439835188902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975167492515142,0.0,0.0,0.10827783498254663,0.0,0.1161512417267528,0.08205452865136131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055281785296818,0.0,0.09186237966316926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226796854937304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407984132738275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707328271618645,0.0,0.06312291492570297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622551064308807,0.11222756649679268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290346818045015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443379479724712,0.0851657002644395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556614127960376,0.2620638960123935,0.0,0.0,0.12753613953756074,0.12437994613898615,0.10964489131171024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100021479588976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546394434031168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331443320558284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624235785423816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751770755073054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231845396635212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761138719395004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195711565551474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071894649291356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159177854378452,0.0,0.0,0.14792948322851407
suicidewatch,marvinthedeafmartian,2019/01/24,"I finally found the perfect method. I figured it out. I bought it, I’ve picked my date, I’m ready. I’m coming for you, Death. I hope you have something fun planned for when I get there. ",-1.0307692307692309,1.0559950256410282,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,98.74358974358977,3.6256410256410256,19.320512820512818,5.46131890053228,-0.4799948717948714,142,5,34,1,6,45,28,39,0.092,0.615,0.293,0.8176,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,8,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,17,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853748509438413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490078591711206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905247438805782,0.0,0.0,0.2337355196924809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44434535879828335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444119376499267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TimDjoker,2019/01/24,"Suicidal every other night I still keep a noose in a stack of tires in my backyard behind the fense. I've essentially been repeating the same uneventful day for almost two years of my life. Every attempt to change this has just blown up in my face. After a bunch of stupid arguments with my parents (im a 19yo jobless loser virgin male btw) they finally took me to go see an army recruiter. Got a good way through all the bs paper work only for her CO. to disqualify  me for having self harm marks. Guess I should have done drugs like everyone else instead of attempting suicide when i was 17. Honestly I just dont know what to do now. I live too far away from any area with job oppertunities to use public trasnportation so I'll need to get my license. Which will take another year. I was never really allowed to hang out with freinds, so they eventually all just moved on with their lives and forgot about me. No chance to get new friends or meet a girl because well, no transportation. Honestly getting rejected by the military just shook me. I've never been good enough for anyone in my life. Never been anyone's first choice. And once again I got rejected for not being good enough. Why even keep trying at this point? Young adulthood is supposed to be the easy part. If I cant even do this why keep trying? I really just dont wanna be alone anymore, but its gonna take such a long time to even have a chance at normalcy. Im so tired of living.",3.479710526315788,5.392088028070177,4.401951754385966,84.65345394736845,73.98245614035088,7.837719298245614,24.85745614035088,8.59863814320734,1.6949561403508775,1148,37,226,22,24,371,184,285,0.099,0.825,0.076,-0.8642,4,3,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,3,5,20,14,1,1,14,0,21,7,1,2,5,34,40,9,2,4,9,1,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,3,7,7,0,4,1,0,0,6,9,6,1,2,10,1,23,8,41,24,7,39,0,3,1,1,11,13,0,4,20,145,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521731853946183,0.09848292740437448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466338727384299,0.09970850075153448,0.0,0.0,0.09430216300912617,0.13297607031952235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933870202601363,0.0,0.0,0.05796501910745861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059094156792243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061324165335054075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730846908836484,0.2228858434016004,0.0,0.11027238024979827,0.0,0.0794341746011137,0.0,0.0,0.1965035160897604,0.0,0.18841501660603893,0.0,0.16023219232128685,0.09086106157378902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416471775988577,0.0,0.08088216266806551,0.0,0.0,0.07346507849767313,0.0,0.14903932665706845,0.0,0.05404094119593154,0.2392669692956266,0.1521017941745729,0.0,0.10475061653703244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542362473703896,0.0,0.09436058585674267,0.2535568739717755,0.0,0.0,0.05225810962514047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432752826899605,0.046455399595021325,0.0,0.2518944545941529,0.08415026068209662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106394350388616,0.0,0.07050685960810563,0.22001415779992334,0.09183698992290452,0.0,0.0892340420188677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126606544210703,0.0,0.07231902932411755,0.0,0.0,0.10558443901023383,0.10297149407866672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988929351827676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183215525581215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577316071747395,0.0,0.09919796153576524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075937736161858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802259907558746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298931798755524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544682319996954,0.21858030465802086,0.0,0.0,0.10564673493369132,0.1291175927272431,0.0,0.09288757082111647,0.0,0.0,0.08212586576797933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547676290671311,0.0,0.0,0.08549591050016192,0.0,0.1716050205138239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922550327783278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224676515722547
suicidewatch,LiterallyAHouse,2019/01/24,"I can’t do this I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s too much stress. There’s no point to go on if this is what my life is like, but maybe I’ll post here to see. 

To preface, I tried to commit suicide about a year ago, but chickened out. The only reason I don’t is because of my Mom. She is the most amazing person and I wouldn’t want to put this on her, but it’s so hard and I just need to let out what has been buried in me for years.

My Dad. He is the most condescending and rude person. He talks down to me, not just as a Father-Son thing, but in a way that screams that he doesn’t care the slightest.

Last night we had a falling out. I was sitting at the bar he he asked me something about politics and Trumps wall. He kept asking me these cornering questions. I know what his views are and If I were to state mine he would be pissed. I tried to say the least possible and leave the conversation. One thing you should know though is that I am very adamant of politics. I read every news article about what’s happening and stay up to date with everything. I love it. Once I left the room he started talking to my Mom again, but I had to go back to get an ice pack for a jammed finger. 

When I walk by him he says, “That was the stupidest fucking argument I’ve ever had.”

I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t. I went to my room and he then called me out to make the weakest apology ever. Now, just an hour ago, I was talking to my Mom when I got back from an game and my Dad asked if he should leave. At the time I was so angered and frustrated so I just screamed that he should. 

I’ve never done anything like that in my life. I’m the last and youngest child so I never get to say things like that or even get respect from my father. All his attention is on my other brothers. When he talks to me he doesn’t care. He speaks to me as if I’m incompetent or dumb. I just can’t take it anymore.

Politics is such a huge part of my life. It’s an important reason I’m still here today also because it’s so interesting. To have my own father say that about my views crushed me. I just can’t keep on like this. 

I’m not saying I’m going to commit suicide because my Mom still would be beyond sad. It’s just that, I have nowhere to go,  no one to speak to that will actually treat me like a human. I’ve tried talking to my Mom about it and she just said that’s how he is. I just need to vent. Thank you so much if you actually read this, it means a lot.",0.643270321361058,2.3544987126654067,2.455292627599245,96.30348336483934,81.72211720226844,5.744287334593572,20.220831758034027,6.742157984588678,0.032482616257088814,1885,51,460,20,50,624,221,529,0.14300000000000002,0.745,0.112,-0.9658,0,0,1,0,0,6,52.0,1,3,0,0,41,23,6,1,24,0,43,8,2,4,7,76,79,40,2,15,24,10,2,5,0,7,3,10,2,4,36,19,1,3,7,4,0,8,15,10,0,2,14,15,63,13,61,54,9,63,0,1,3,2,63,24,3,11,31,305,99,2,0.0,0.0,0.1363821422551821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388566701223565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055881594222189225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386008520036646,0.0,0.0,0.0575038281855894,0.0,0.19598013282074744,0.0,0.0,0.10746408904529456,0.0,0.12779135883540071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135348432781027,0.0,0.1424910225405517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204138541746236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150968913361197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615391100017215,0.12641771687469866,0.05887542147892244,0.0,0.0628020461556356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460129640390981,0.10952547108979394,0.0,0.1588536307934143,0.0,0.055888002966171794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061793086837702,0.0,0.06259716740665452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881597934404693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211098035378201,0.0,0.0,0.07680649400846118,0.11392016578022257,0.0,0.14798190908655534,0.07592289991238563,0.07145522321132086,0.1480711783659785,0.17069486421582755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940797114729759,0.0630678296041132,0.0,0.04664426025148052,0.0,0.0702020729726995,0.07611787652782415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409202684344246,0.0,0.0,0.10273707673100108,0.10362764227200688,0.10778879561503092,0.0,0.0,0.06557598392705455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441803295634157,0.09470259242099087,0.053145541738160704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567131206742488,0.0,0.0,0.1220299478938318,0.0,0.0,0.06605751273401303,0.07877720343018363,0.06692402694067154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024692031099733,0.07827960849584922,0.0,0.13979427742491565,0.0,0.0,0.14369291455344646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647019741982935,0.2778498607310311,0.0,0.0,0.05568390108632047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379567437259365,0.0,0.0,0.049460169914867735,0.07448089416951258,0.11160968736469433,0.0,0.08004527484916896,0.0,0.0,0.152870880942057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052539731508014664,0.2808273663289661,0.0,0.06433448452449418,0.0,0.0,0.13927197037042216,0.0,0.0686550048784794,0.0,0.04074655708410748,0.0,0.06623639013364578,0.0,0.0,0.18977092136185872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765685689401261,0.041215989752852435,0.055466085355521715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477781805837926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927897748763674,0.0,0.0,0.08999857643328793
suicidewatch,Really_JustALaugh,2019/01/24,"Just a bit lost, I hope. What a strange feeling, to say any of this openly. 

I've read writing helps, I hope it does.

\-----------

I'm actually not even sure when it started. At least a year or two now.

I remember reading somewhere that almost everyone will briefly think about suicide, in passing. So I didn't think much of it. But, it stopped being ""in passing"" long ago. I think about it a lot. Multiple times a day.

I remember reading somewhere, maybe the same place, that simply thinking of suicide, in passing, isn't a big deal. But if you start to plan, you should reach out and find support. I haven't planned anything yet, which is part of the reason I haven't reached out. I almost feel guilty, posting in a place like this, when I haven't made a specific plan which means I haven't hit the ""seek help"" stage yet. But, somethings wrong with me. I can feel it.

\-----------

What I don't understand is why, despite a decent job and a decent support structure, that I still feel like this. I don't have an excuse. I see all this suffering in the world, people in situations so much worse than mine, and they fight. They keep going. People in this sub, fighting tooth and nail against all odds. And here I am... A roof over my head, a best friend, a goddaughter, a decent job... It makes me feel pathetic, thinking about suicide when I've been dealt a decent hand in life. Why, why do I want to leave forever? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Why do I want to die?

\-----------

I think one of the bigger contributors is loneliness, with some jealousy mixed in.

I don't know how to explain it really. I don't want to dump my life story on you. I've had one best friend since I was 14. We're turning 26 this year. His wife has been a friend of mine since I was 16. They have a beautiful life together, with an amazing 2 year old daughter. They gave me the honor of being her godfather. I think it might be one of the few reasons I'm still here, honestly. I want the world for her.

Seeing them, together, happy, a world to explore together with their child... It puts me in such a crippling depression realizing that I'm not going to have a lot of that. Most of that. All of that? I'm the perpetual third wheel. I often wonder when they finally will be ""too busy"" to hang out. What will I do then?

When we were 16, me and my friend often talked about the future. We'd go camping together with our girlfriends. Our kids could grow up together, go to the same school. We'd go on road trips. Too late for most of that now... For ever...

I'm jealous of the life they have together. And knowing that I'm jealous of them, instead of happy for them? What a betrayal. How can i call myself their best friend? How can I let their daughter call me Uncle when I sit in sadness and jealousy at the life they have? The life I can't?

\-----------

I feel like that is just a sliver of my loneliness. I haven't been in any sort of relationship for the better part of a decade now. I know this isn't /relationshipadvice, but... It's a big part of how I feel, I think. Maybe if I just had someone close, someone to share the bad with? Someone to share the good with? Someone, at all?

I've been thinking about talking to my friend & wife about how I've been feeling. But, every time I do... I think about the burden I would be putting on their already-full lives. They have a daughter to care for. They're going through a possible breast cancer scenario, just beginning testing. They already have full hands.. They have a life that doesn't deserve to be soiled by how pathetic I am.

How would I even explain it to them? ""Hey, X, by all means I should be happy. But, I think I might kill myself."".

\-----------

There's a lot more pent up inside me. But.... I am having trouble putting it into words. Life has been de-saturated and all I'm left with is grey. My thoughts are a mess. Shadows. The only clear thought I keep having is that everything would be so much easier if I were just gone.

\-----------

I don't even know what I'm writing any more.

I'm alone.

I'm scared.

I'm going to keep fighting, but I needed to say something. 

I think I need real help.

I love you all.",0.9069957136955152,3.2373121055825287,2.3495971906630864,93.83027163809132,85.10436893203884,5.351043172898162,21.751394340012396,6.761325535456951,0.4647214831646354,3141,107,681,38,94,1014,310,824,0.093,0.792,0.115,0.9266,2,1,2,0,5,5,233.0,5,4,18,9,49,46,7,1,50,0,79,15,5,11,10,140,157,38,5,17,19,5,10,3,7,10,9,2,0,2,40,24,0,5,40,3,0,18,18,17,0,5,19,15,102,29,89,115,30,91,0,4,3,2,68,38,0,20,35,457,142,7,0.0,0.0,0.047063079776181696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275076585036402,0.0,0.09658574278382387,0.04994914181990296,0.05322024174467097,0.0,0.0,0.0522544724108728,0.0,0.09838905442669726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396871204482258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026794519250377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183534682741812,0.0426533015718685,0.05265193546905432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849133236065344,0.0,0.049171146972219366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038505731723569976,0.0,0.0,0.03110274554218556,0.04972043132662928,0.041538272148373835,0.0,0.05005252732530939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220420726918493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556141996888264,0.043624531745985434,0.040633745915713004,0.046083439739978034,0.04334376421217738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508217081839851,0.06890746640679743,0.0,0.05283086517783175,0.044079058172577186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356266541245706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918615840241265,0.04045093600536345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401720073440495,0.0,0.0,0.0494953251390304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697762312582613,0.0,0.0,0.09580157199317467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571669749041628,0.12860044467834245,0.05335657948369567,0.0,0.1060182834812944,0.0,0.054402716800453416,0.05106595539276032,0.052399316161642034,0.0493158827807089,0.2725160568095412,0.07068455631332847,0.0,0.04258576306161393,0.0426798168552933,0.0,0.0,0.05264600957462878,0.12300387891905827,0.043527198603690094,0.04563402336977121,0.03219222846945706,0.0,0.09690200509053658,0.1050677643329486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232350511728457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635827737144417,0.07152015527281785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060664493775107,0.0,0.09804059948950453,0.036679184374322486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667703722972887,0.0,0.06686974746095324,0.0,0.100774938483634,0.0,0.0,0.054369256095745964,0.04618861042612021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544586380414887,0.0,0.0,0.14472164291991446,0.05489344946719942,0.030895769254045812,0.09917179755466043,0.0,0.05177828270570408,0.10926470450588018,0.0,0.0,0.07670488200379401,0.04828413744586919,0.048808801296763946,0.07686214150151857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978856710428794,0.054209726825080566,0.0,0.0,0.16345200544140973,0.07425576612145254,0.0,0.0,0.06827134063025689,0.0,0.07702908215668125,0.08064069327464729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825916090472242,0.10945598322742586,0.04545384479130971,0.0,0.0,0.077526869875065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401729022198062,0.0,0.07657449046472754,0.0562436821989787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052457667420512485,0.04711125644346086,0.05020652478886088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378330809107536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175890718463658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230066280943313,0.0,0.0,0.04914793922006663,0.10277828959870716,0.052729196646801785,0.0,0.09317077981875613
suicidewatch,26LT,2019/01/24,"Goodbye to those memories. Goodbye to the good times I had. You are all great memories that make me happy, but at the same time I can't stand the nostalgia...knowing that I will never be able to relive you. And if I can't, there's simply no point in living anymore. If I've already reached my happiest, even if I have more to learn and people to meet, what's the point if I'm going to be miserable through it all, just constantly wishing I was as happy as I was?

I have a lot. I have all my senses, all of my limbs, a roof over my head, food, a shower, a bed. I have people in my life that care about me, them being the only reason I haven't left sooner. Nice house, a potential future ahead of me, and a lot of people that make me feel like I'm a good person.

But I cannot feel anything anymore. I cannot feel love anymore, I cannot feel euphoria (without drugs) anymore, I cannot live in the present moment anymore. It's been years since I've been myself. But I dropped the ball. I don't know how, but something happened where who I was became lost and now I'm stuck in only those memories and guilt. It has barely gotten any better. Again, it's been years. I don't know why everybody tells me I'm a good person but the voices in my head hate me, disagree with me, are telling me I should just kill myself at this point.

My mind and I used to be best friends and now it's turned on me and I still don't know why. And I don't know why I need to know why. But it's out of my control, and what I default to every single day. It does not matter how much I've learned, I feel like I'm making no progress in life. Like I'm on pause or under construction. But it's not ending and I'm not seeing any light.

Granted I didn't see this coming as fast as it did, so maybe it will leave just as fast as it came one day. But as I sit and wait for that day to come, as I fight for answers every single day, nothing works.

I am certain that I will never, never be that happy again. I just want to leave.",1.2459566809800435,2.7292004976635518,3.037239201818643,93.89018060116192,79.07009345794394,5.655064410204599,20.91336196009093,6.243973517019112,0.05629355897954014,1535,40,355,11,37,512,184,428,0.11,0.723,0.16699999999999998,0.9782,1,0,2,0,1,3,57.0,0,2,1,7,16,23,3,2,16,0,37,7,2,8,8,77,76,36,1,8,21,0,5,3,1,4,3,1,2,2,25,17,1,2,14,1,0,4,21,6,0,1,13,9,54,17,43,54,12,49,0,2,2,1,12,18,0,7,27,236,79,3,0.07477796691730934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251934596519278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170316349903694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707982487142912,0.0,0.0,0.0615358952772391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847486284577887,0.066135034971335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552607307571289,0.07624112096244287,0.0,0.0,0.12882919441113433,0.0,0.0808084168781764,0.08386984839735001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192902409739239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543870276916396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671870119081905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623108341225734,0.0,0.0,0.0493901419010804,0.0,0.12600732455020114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904993449950114,0.10684278901414014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042181441924024,0.0,0.05777327174554605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249804185803075,0.1881606325008866,0.0,0.08244297251574724,0.0,0.0,0.06612590918694845,0.23880760882236166,0.0,0.07382776100053469,0.15348753500227466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628373394055316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273074111647122,0.0,0.2465760900298284,0.0,0.0,0.15835813975874086,0.08124647985303486,0.0,0.10563577896181013,0.10959821236437273,0.0,0.13206062956769354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162898429920505,0.12714710677538785,0.06749003466962293,0.0,0.14974462073319986,0.0,0.07512451861032311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550442978431969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497040974737117,0.055446914961006524,0.1730201340061866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175147603007871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067148565216363,0.11374402692971168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552488050905938,0.1305864727831043,0.0,0.0,0.21206804733534887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688420424379715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917671619416326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185710696818671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756773225386695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971778097480094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071847811607532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720726771592703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813369549722825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458415423189111,0.0,0.0,0.04410598231814558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26990193669660795,0.0,0.08599097154970675,0.07208329165031392,0.0,0.05443925051708882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630911800559527
suicidewatch,bloodtotheliver,2019/01/24,"The end. People call me strong.

At the age of 18 I've been dealing with 13 years of trauma, illness (chronic and mental), abuse, suicidal ideation, ect.. after my 3rd attempt I feared the idea of living after.

The wards when your not an adult.. very scary. I didn't want to live. I didn't want to survive to see the reactions of those I loved.. the mere thought of my strength failing leaving them in pieces.

I used to find reason in their lives, after 2 of my closer relatives passed away I realize they won't always be alive either. I'm surviving a life of pain to live a life of maybes. I understand that action is required for these life's  maybes to become reality.. but my interest in life is clouded by the perception of pain and misery. 

I'm not as afraid of surviving, I'd rather take the chances, I'll be in this hell or another in my eyes..
Strong. To me it feels like a way to make me feel to make me feel motivated through obstacles I'm losing my strength to. 

I'm losing my battle. If anybody could relate I'm sorry.
If anyone can help/talk please do.. I don't want to hurt my loved ones.",1.5571680376028176,3.8057050810810864,3.05723070896984,90.33534077555815,81.52252252252252,6.203211907559734,22.715236976106553,7.423996415210882,0.9296092440266356,856,29,179,13,23,280,134,222,0.213,0.622,0.16399999999999998,-0.7743,0,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,1,3,13,2,19,2,2,12,0,12,11,1,5,0,30,32,8,1,7,8,0,3,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,11,0,0,2,6,11,0,1,4,5,24,8,36,24,2,18,1,4,2,2,9,8,1,3,8,102,29,3,0.0,0.13833581055091662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714967279421874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242799886808482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163794492873422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969534621498797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894693655690914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192201050288352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321952034289056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036947623236323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341044532096187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313820508576959,0.17710479950452418,0.08340993248225377,0.0,0.0,0.10671213027484977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825854409314223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249888478073298,0.13180240025927184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362689019231593,0.0,0.0,0.3298705798385238,0.05704068927090121,0.0,0.41238789430505934,0.0,0.0,0.2612383900175047,0.0,0.0,0.21075223838543566,0.0,0.15586999453666306,0.0,0.23459256662495304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766177240577792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911633973656569,0.0,0.24847151224843375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094334927213731,0.0,0.0,0.12816213987245226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004378290945235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303877166568816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306978785378776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771122989616382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778537400914246,0.09384340070877653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269058075390006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154627244847845,0.0,0.1008389989368878,0.0,0.09633526097978644,0.20659571176486904,0.09267483689014924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518651566844597
suicidewatch,killmeplzzzzzzzzzzzz,2019/01/24,"I lay in bed all day I have no money and lay in bed all day, in my sisters house. She brings me food and is sweet to me. My life is pointless and I’m getting too old to be dealing with this. I wish I would have died the last time I was in my boyfriends arms.",-0.8665536723163854,0.7233844067796618,1.0450000000000017,105.08467514124297,86.28813559322035,3.9333333333333336,18.30790960451977,3.1291,-1.124595480225989,196,5,54,0,6,64,39,59,0.095,0.804,0.101,0.0836,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,2,8,11,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,11,1,7,8,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38367422628854864,0.30666823277873423,0.0,0.0,0.3087165515545526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596898528515561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541059012460334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432289405371253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424696285006001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101048183708425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31213426665526706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345133745543134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420643580526843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130707302328933,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KariChrist,2019/01/24,"Before I kill myself.. I've decided to kill myself... But first, I have to complete my list. I'm calling it my Either/Or List, this is not a bucket list, this is a checklist of things I need to do to help out the people I leave behind. 

My theory: Either I will complete my list and by that time I'll be happy/content and continue living. Or I'll still be just as miserable and depressed and take my life. It gives me piece of mind to know that my suicide won't be impulsive. And it gives me time to think everything through. 

Now every time I think about killing myself, I think 'Not yet. Not until my list is done'. And I find something to check off of my list

My list contains things like:

Gathering paperwork: Marriage license, mortgage and credit card info, birth certificate, SS card, passport. 

Collecting digital information: Passwords for all of my online accounts. 

Cleaning: Deep cleaning everything, every room, every piece of clothing, every bit of dust and clutter, purge all notebooks containing dark thoughts. 

I know I still need to create a will and write notes to those I love.

Does anyone else have a list like this? Am I forgetting anything?",4.1632435740514095,6.471317348837212,4.6296695226438205,82.02482252141981,73.18604651162791,7.317013463892289,28.99020807833537,8.20500826718156,2.2563023255813954,910,38,158,15,19,288,121,215,0.119,0.8059999999999999,0.075,-0.9146,1,0,1,0,0,4,38.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,3,1,5,0,14,2,0,0,2,36,27,13,4,2,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,11,10,0,2,10,0,3,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,27,4,24,19,6,15,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,1,13,106,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526357624343654,0.1249423695507532,0.10034657486662883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376231526035352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312735529177358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451480158828405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557044186838827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502710423158294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671088243725964,0.12478738547938292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186557304878004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109602491278703,0.0,0.21918437172547264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145133385868364,0.1037224581356904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23395272253456176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173409248371963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047270200496938,0.0,0.1340305305655248,0.0,0.0,0.12911729694877952,0.0,0.0,0.086130124169224,0.11914785858152704,0.0,0.10767562405767324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005598904858492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312506191677675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808345512222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453813282645305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387569204102242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476355231231365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338302669059418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168401943999256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202359208148354,0.23440349033298516,0.0,0.09680707183476507,0.2133133168700453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Parzival_04,2019/01/24,"it’s not enough time i’ve been nothing but kind to her. i give and i give and i sacrifice so much and it doesn’t feel like she even notices me and when she does i feel like she just wants me away. i’m not obsessed, as much as is sounds like i am, i’m really not. idk if anyone else has ever felt so much love for a certain individual but know that they will never feel the same about you. i really don’t know what i’m doing wrong. i’m not fat, i’m not fit either, id say i’m pretty good looking for my age. i just don’t know what to do, because everyone tells me to move on and she’s not worth it, but how. how do you just move on from someone you care so much about, she honestly means everything to me, minus my dog. i want to move on, i really do, i just don’t know how. her smile gives me goosebumps and i’ve never felt this way about another human ever on this earth, and i’m nearly 18 now. i know how ridiculous this sounds, i really do. sorry to waste your time. ",-0.3148354327509111,1.5712572523364514,2.209723689557091,95.792021535961,86.28971962616819,5.590898008939456,16.31369362047948,6.8959733430537185,-0.3023036976838682,748,15,183,10,23,257,103,214,0.093,0.718,0.189,0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,4,1,0,19,12,1,1,2,0,14,3,2,4,5,45,40,21,0,3,15,0,5,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,9,7,1,0,11,0,1,3,12,3,0,0,3,9,31,9,20,36,7,20,1,0,1,1,19,7,0,1,12,118,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554805468022698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705023206963332,0.11290681195132818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353092413340156,0.0,0.0,0.06717326152620898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235016369043296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964315434373906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920529772397258,0.0,0.0,0.1138598958506909,0.0,0.0727821214750185,0.19935362847439933,0.0,0.10529512360429384,0.09903529415225808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715224659784989,0.15744528258961765,0.2116071104736196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171244807948953,0.0,0.09242552922756617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147501313185299,0.3027988016537347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615057195365976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253523711419312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945441970010327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200336096294828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513564635562941,0.3240211820227381,0.0,0.16997686753068142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573414943597947,0.12545664028117468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210695002408397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823724844161162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763072024586366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336704906053496,0.0,0.0,0.12335320151852278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963144444120905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851005702954293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999059485528905,0.08746689662061938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047987975306368,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,houseoftherisingsun9,2019/01/24,"gonna kill myself because of how i look change my mind. im 20 years old and have ugly features and look like im 13 no lie. i probably won't find a partner that i find attractive myself ever. 

Most people can look decent if they put time into themselves. But I feel like I'm always gonna look youngish (and ugly) no matter what I do. I also want someone that I find physically attractive at least. does that make me shallow? anyway, that's probably never gonna happen so i decided ill  just kill myself. 

I feel like how attractive you are determines how much people take you seriously? How is this not true ? how much is it true? especially if you look as bad as i do

keep in mind im not one of those guys that hates everyone and is emo all the time around people. Im shy tho but because im insecure as hell. 

other than that i take care of myself for the most part and all that.

can send  a picture if yall want 
",0.970105263157894,3.1187134315789504,3.2686842105263167,88.54828947368422,83.10526315789474,6.326315789473685,20.55263157894737,7.554174236665415,0.7702421052631574,712,21,151,12,20,244,106,190,0.177,0.725,0.098,-0.9475,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,4,1,0,12,16,4,1,4,0,10,1,0,6,6,41,30,21,2,5,8,0,2,3,1,4,1,0,0,2,12,7,0,1,6,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,0,7,22,9,12,26,8,12,1,0,5,0,8,4,1,5,9,95,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877356261037081,0.08196316634092217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768938773245588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224667265306443,0.12009417109396647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043132843422818,0.0,0.10420410389899128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620145883423228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910245022443343,0.0,0.09412473283406513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961310024044208,0.1407424641565008,0.0,0.0,0.270092440851705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753438412447256,0.08710670593153852,0.0,0.0,0.09725224418278054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320057751162353,0.0,0.0,0.08755482494354795,0.2179600228272721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437214357318814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135924899923436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575214265944193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892179155245104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482345500197746,0.0,0.0759723085772808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033633114470392,0.0,0.06674881682667838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667016433445403,0.0,0.2048706807681093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240780838258871,0.0,0.0,0.09902366337835827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346206592960903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812540290181167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487687530387153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620034805862878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343330567237808
suicidewatch,Propotkin,2019/01/24,Pro-suicide discussion boards or websites? I want to die more than usual but I need some encouragement to achieve my self-actualization as a dead fuck,4.526666666666667,7.697708333333335,4.9644444444444495,75.50000000000003,76.77777777777777,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222214,8.841846274778883,3.1186888888888893,123,6,21,3,3,39,25,27,0.376,0.486,0.139,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,12,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125944936868621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675288885189152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29477854396248143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147317130289187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348555531165875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378455402513369,0.0,0.23448549404274904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,transmanofsteel,2019/01/24,"Am I lucky or am I incredibly unlucky? I was unresponsive and blue when they found me hanging from my bathroom doorknob, the ambulance rushed me to the hospital....I had been raped two weeks before that. Everyone tells me how lucky I am that I survived...I'm not so sure sometimes.",3.7875000000000014,6.343631980769235,4.577538461538462,80.76746153846155,75.34615384615384,8.006153846153849,31.55384615384615,8.841846274778883,2.952726153846154,221,11,40,5,5,71,40,52,0.132,0.764,0.104,-0.3556,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,8,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,4,1,10,3,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32008222956667826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594345014988385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124371574779601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720292723543087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545238839798847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287781345363806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674511076057833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017307650021912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadallthetimes,2019/01/24,"I can’t take it anymore I’m lying to everyone I’m the worse I have ever been im so lonely, I’m so sad the pain has never felt so bad the person I love doesn’t love me my family hate me and my sister emotional abuses my past my heart can’t take this anymore my body has honestly given up I can’t eat I can’t sleep my mind is so messy I have nobody to speak too I can’t speak to anyone anymore I don’t even know what to do with myself I wanna die so bad holding a cover up is making me feel much worse I’m legitimately on the edge and I don’t want to be alive anymore ",-2.2159090909090935,-0.4169559242424228,1.5552121212121222,95.66781818181818,100.66666666666666,4.155151515151515,13.418181818181818,5.985473137389443,-0.8296618181818181,446,9,108,5,20,163,71,132,0.28800000000000003,0.6,0.113,-0.9823,0,2,0,0,1,4,1.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,5,0,17,7,3,1,2,13,32,7,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,4,20,3,10,28,1,6,0,2,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,67,23,0,0.0,0.16831680437724425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635378209765729,0.09933102608505263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23722683015451645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779563568694807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743491804513376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536192487093408,0.0,0.15979736739306027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382869606709204,0.12850058940928696,0.0,0.1357435583051155,0.0,0.0,0.13392067698400745,0.0,0.07182934959443528,0.0,0.13639901429006654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025395112463826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834071804115944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344820596826747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807196645016655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25642776905789905,0.0,0.09482555266863912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343919497419078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442978437275507,0.0,0.1095647359458109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511608988080656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561148571791293,0.0,0.1240405270527422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421616938502974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362152815581487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379013807974682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895407196484837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hannatos,2019/01/24,"Ive been so low for so long, tonight I decided to write my feelings. I quite like an analogy I thought of... So i was planning to post here about 2 hours ago, just to ramble about how i feel. Instead I decided to start writing what was on my mind. It just poured out after I started, and 12 pages later I thought of a good analogy (imo)
I was, as is usual every night when its just me and my thoughts, thinking of suicide and the pain I feel. I wrote:

'Emotional pain is a lot like Energy. It cannot be created or destroyed, it can only change forms. You feel so much emotional pain, so much so you want to kill yourself. For me its to escape the burden I believe I put on others. 
But when you commit suicide, your emotional pain doesn't die with you. You can't destroy the emotion of pain. It just gets transferred, divided between the ones you love, the ones you didnt want to burden.'

I dont know, this really helped me stop and think... I hope it might help some of you guys, even if it's only one of you. 
Take care all.",2.375327731092437,3.811477552380957,3.7809803921568665,89.95676470588238,75.85714285714286,7.036414565826331,25.68627450980393,7.724431198458867,1.2550308123249303,786,28,172,11,17,259,122,210,0.18,0.645,0.175,-0.8047,0,0,0,0,0,3,34.0,0,10,0,2,18,17,3,0,8,0,15,6,0,1,2,39,35,17,4,4,7,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,12,0,0,1,5,11,0,3,9,4,32,6,24,24,7,19,0,1,0,1,17,4,0,6,15,121,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690570710009977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045644262016033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995735074082346,0.0,0.10371232089084663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174906093094097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490104254211125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44112296563295983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064753871333782,0.0,0.08260213239900968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982859682202748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512213599312232,0.0,0.0,0.08223050807350772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707407833009843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142702425708153,0.0,0.0,0.09737490299600177,0.09654872091199364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846568888855976,0.0,0.053879700797233004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579386045726752,0.0,0.0,0.08676147874624422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083349298824509,0.08848407502173329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400394458784384,0.09899149796282453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441399721861777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920030119610624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930140323042944,0.14912623858308188,0.521602335021114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389431438732553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855632904859983,0.0,0.10427660307511813,0.0,0.0,0.06280632919705953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878509575504427,0.0,0.0,0.08196504004870138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447762802088308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371316840232117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563893586214409,0.0,0.23349617628933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107976168453633,0.0,0.11565194972710892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jerry_poppins,2019/01/24,"Will I make it past 25? Who knows. I just read a similar post about having a feeling like you were destined to die. I can relate to that so much. I’m 21 years old (yeah, yeah. Best years of my life) but I have this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like I’m not going to live a very long life. I always felt as if I was going to die of some freak accident or that I would kill myself. At every turn, I get reminded of constant failures. I can’t be a good barista, I can’t pass a philosophy exam, I can’t cook very well, I can’t keep a workout routine, I can’t be a good friend. I feel like it’s a culmination. I’m reaching peak crazy. I want to stop being a disappointment. I told my friends I wouldn’t end my life, but it’s getting really hard to commit to that. I guess in the grand scheme of things these problems seem silly but I feel like I’m drowning. They say it only gets better. When? ",-0.959493720565149,1.123824392857145,1.6785714285714306,96.45489010989012,93.33673469387756,4.443956043956044,17.742543171114598,6.093298490706669,-0.3361508634222923,695,20,164,7,26,238,114,196,0.204,0.5539999999999999,0.242,0.3438,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,1,2,5,17,1,0,11,2,16,5,1,1,1,25,39,8,4,5,7,0,7,4,2,3,3,1,0,0,11,0,1,2,8,3,0,3,7,4,1,0,4,8,27,13,17,29,3,16,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,5,13,95,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262336221200499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943091200602358,0.10907846897053336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327971168117705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25600142767618184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092368845045594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391380337945254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311805647689203,0.3524379431039976,0.11841951301248572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190574331204456,0.0,0.19331000920207875,0.0,0.14018655443756428,0.20689259706921104,0.0,0.0,0.13586576845780998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048260178204376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962449249723943,0.13645025789573687,0.0,0.06778087286829568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134232126719625,0.2410180970251697,0.0,0.10890575086844913,0.1091462772389138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232607710991237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066432242040884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294177741491879,0.0,0.0,0.09380069366723448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177357928955681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811941217888006,0.0,0.0,0.118013514643678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336688802394286,0.0,0.07901060606574196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807975916520292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227819744592446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311233872833797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193730525576565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785045627154801,0.0,0.0,0.13415144519009078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035261282301504,0.07274530097080889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089163924871083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761258847256577,0.0,0.0,0.15884547644839178
suicidewatch,Bipolarbear2019,2019/01/24,"I lied to my psychiatrist Hi all,

This is my first Reddit post, I never really talk about anything to anyone but I need to get this off my chest, sorry to seem like a pain.

I have severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), anxiety and bipolar, having been diagnosed in 2017 (although I can’t remember a day I never was like this, I just never had a crisis enough to attend a psychiatrist unit, more of that some other time maybe).

I was offered to be put on a mood stabiliser for my bipolar, and an anti-depressive for my OCD (I could react badly without the mood stabiliser), but I was too scared to actually take more medication than I already am for my other conditions, specially as I know people who medication made them worse, and pressure from my family not to take meds.

I convinced my psychiatrist that I was getting better and, in our last appointment, totally fine and happy in life for a year and that I had no manic or depressive episodes, even though it was not true.

She referred me to get CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therspy) for my OCD and as I was ‘fine’ as far as she was aware, she didn’t continue with medication for my bipolar and discharged me.

Don’t get me wrong, she was an amazing professional and I couldn’t have had a better psychiatrist.

I got offered an appointment for my CBT but as I was abroad I couldn’t open the letter (I was unaware) and as I had missed my appointment as I was in another country, I got discharged from the CBT sevice automstically.

In the past weeks since I got discharged, my life and disorders have had a turn for the worst with me contemplating suicide every minute of the day, even though I know I won’t do anything as my girlfriend and my family love me so much and I couldn’t hurt them like that. But I feel sometimes that it’s the best way out. I’ve had a business failure, I’m tens of thousands of pounds in debt, I’m just 18 with no future right now and my mother is moving to another country whilst my girlfriend is here, and I don’t know what to do as I’ve never been away from my mum, and my girl is two hours away by car, longer by train, and my heart is split in three places, I feel like death is an option to get out of everything.

I’d like to go see my psychiatrist again and sort everything out but I’m too embarrassed to go back, and my family thinks I’m well so it’d be out of the blue and bizarre, so I’m terrified of going back if I had to...

I don’t know why the heck I wrote this, sorry for wasting your time, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve had so many business failures ever since I was 15, some were successful but they weren’t what I wanted to do (yes, I know I’m still young), and I know my mental health affected my decisions and that’s why I stopped doing a few businesses. I still have my ambition but I want stability and I know life’s not easy. I’m very grateful for each opportunity I’ve had but I’m just scared I’m a failure already...

Sorry,

Thanks for taking your time,

Bipolarbear2019.

TL;DR - I basically lied to my psychiatrist that I was ok when I wasn’t and now I’m too scared to go back because I’m feeling suicidal.",4.795000000000002,5.253565028662422,6.034592356687899,79.76096496815289,69.09554140127389,9.592101910828026,29.871974522292994,9.642632912329526,2.5816642038216564,2450,89,501,52,40,825,255,628,0.193,0.688,0.119,-0.9942,2,0,0,0,0,1,71.0,1,2,3,6,28,36,0,6,24,2,58,15,2,3,8,91,107,51,3,8,18,2,3,5,2,1,12,0,0,1,20,33,0,1,16,0,1,8,22,13,1,5,33,5,87,21,72,66,12,59,0,3,2,1,23,19,1,7,35,348,107,2,0.0,0.0,0.06742707072399867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524968200607366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490494697471434,0.05285773500798405,0.0,0.0,0.048313058248094606,0.0,0.11371913143043705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983466587396345,0.15939012129878405,0.05769171081275418,0.04211986920295425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725112814377586,0.12221840114908665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551669952020109,0.0,0.0,0.08912153787457157,0.0,0.11902340548986234,0.07013030110012833,0.0,0.0,0.15837845869020598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139394175198611,0.0,0.09127362189031757,0.06250067784188118,0.05821579192584787,0.0,0.12419684682250165,0.0,0.19541077111835767,0.0,0.104810018208427,0.049361714457689575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587724487093739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049727926580755,0.0,0.15707386350084307,0.0,0.1657855317262371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355325898785715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734451001339142,0.0,0.0818782935885978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680449775820408,0.0,0.07396797518297578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037838718726599,0.05632191244349555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641221571645008,0.16878242988981396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236122907013592,0.06537966779495387,0.0,0.07005181527945448,0.06941554166886046,0.0,0.07674933038254235,0.2088188142177541,0.06963183687165038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734373963308278,0.05079301457046055,0.05123330847349514,0.2131622989640543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352229808534487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595930664191632,0.047901998900075314,0.0,0.07218990912470508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617422227054058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945988654570706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044264234904983615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827153464448143,0.05900703058353735,0.0,0.0,0.20752942428924254,0.0,0.05506002874936969,0.0629017894422838,0.0,0.07805805079372816,0.0,0.11431273479535592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833704384103928,0.23203968047756604,0.0,0.0,0.11035923265293447,0.05776678613597384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511581432946497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585325763173505,0.05553620548141227,0.0,0.06361369261832725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044273494736215904,0.13577161329042867,0.0,0.12087012012741005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515587309628177,0.06749609322671901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701087991772383,0.08150842654532622,0.054844653386547065,0.05542410247897864,0.0,0.062124995783723234,0.0,0.12469556863619645,0.0,0.0,0.06660542826418074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041403982676381,0.0,0.07554489184370992,0.0,0.04449512434606098
suicidewatch,IAmThe11,2019/01/24,"I'm in a bad way I'm addition to being Autistic, I have a mental illness and I'm just done trying to fight an uphill battle. My thoughts are turning to suicide. The world sees me as nothing more than a burden. I have to take three medicines just to keep my mood stable and to sleep. They have severe sexual side effects and I cannot concentrate on tasks that I even enjoy doing. I feel like there is no hope for a better future and that the best of my years were in the past. Nobody cares about a mentally ill disabled person .... nobody. 

Between medicines and dashed hopes what is really left? Some nights I go to sleep longing for a heart attack or stroke so I won't wake up. I never want to wake up. I take my medicine at night and the absolutely sick thing is I wake up and I feel positive. As the day progresses, my mental state slips and nobody knows why. It feels like I'm caught in some evil and hellish ground hog day that never ends.

Well, thanks for reading. I guess I'm not so alone.",1.8491791044776136,4.043267288557214,2.888703980099504,92.25216044776121,80.09452736318408,5.612039800995025,20.497761194029852,6.742157984588678,0.27879283582089576,779,21,163,8,20,248,124,201,0.198,0.6509999999999999,0.151,-0.8666,0,1,0,0,1,2,22.0,0,0,1,4,8,18,5,0,12,0,13,10,6,1,2,29,36,14,1,3,4,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,6,1,0,2,6,7,1,1,4,5,19,10,25,30,4,27,1,0,1,0,3,12,0,6,13,101,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353083237639202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667454989846124,0.0,0.0,0.1076497421923556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530229287439305,0.11402660095800493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145099084537415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662961704693097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193841021083014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141922027037428,0.0,0.0,0.08515592384966196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955700616321284,0.18421280148163724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327292202298874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202905403793767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278065205190558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561097785691709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114597393776982,0.0,0.0,0.07085561995948339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008097132571282,0.0,0.0,0.1259757064456547,0.0,0.0,0.1140974852162205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897881956703656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887490079023015,0.0,0.0,0.2419809447410897,0.0,0.12371017765358093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230766474968026,0.0,0.11257521545884376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896318627223413,0.0,0.08259476809985544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273915986320482,0.0,0.0,0.14565227700137745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804281383594146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102663040066082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938760672031236,0.0,0.0,0.11869985330289015,0.0,0.0,0.08565423129011254,0.0,0.0,0.10235466594622092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753385020995487,0.14023696383896314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604524965975816,0.10233728059916827,0.0,0.0,0.1159220221692662,0.0,0.11633773402719187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302559582981454
suicidewatch,Tarnthelos,2019/01/24,"Tried to kill myself again and chickened out Previous method was cutting my wrists. Probably waaaaaay too drunk to manage that effectively right now. Tried suspension hanging instead. But I kept pussying out. Face and head would go numb and would start to hurt and then I'd just back off. Fucking christ I can't even succed in killing myself. Fucking failure at everything. Why can't I just die. I don't want to be alive anymore I'm so god damn sick of crawling out of bed wishing that I'd just die in my sleep. But no, I'm not that lucky. Going to have to do it myself instead. Well I would, if my fucking self preservation instinct would stop kicking in. Just want this to be over. Why can't I just fucking kill myself already. Ignore me btw, I'm worthless. Just wanted to vent my frustration at failing into the void that is the internet. Should just buy a gun and be done with it. So fucking scared of what comes after though. god what I wouldn't fucking give just to have not been born. Would make everything so much easier. Might as well get more drunk. Nothing left to loose I guess. I'll either end up cutting myself or actually fucking going through with it. Can't really lose either way. Its knob creek btw, its pretty good shit. Would enjoy drinking it if I didn't fucking hate existing so much.",2.2374839852800856,4.908185592885378,2.8772359274908013,89.9728853754941,82.399209486166,5.54499114079324,24.53441461087638,6.953978226594392,1.0694070873654082,1037,40,198,13,29,323,145,253,0.226,0.63,0.14400000000000002,-0.9738,0,0,2,1,0,7,30.0,0,0,0,3,22,29,17,1,3,0,25,18,5,2,0,49,51,17,5,14,17,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,13,12,3,3,1,3,1,5,10,24,2,0,5,0,19,5,30,34,5,29,1,4,0,8,2,14,10,6,9,131,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.08292684356742963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377598497101974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427592485616373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653432887474449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732015290331009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638871588514568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696259944711694,0.0,0.08324666454173947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526580597599493,0.0,0.0,0.0561275559138083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527465508649466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6284906821441721,0.044397804861764034,0.08151920493076187,0.14488586965743108,0.07127600782238981,0.0,0.0,0.0936134952393132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389876246656708,0.08721254759873781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909713360099293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820486509497534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232948449276596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506930327739888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567238673514241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901488528001787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249380798654088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153924705951136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645377433746597,0.09162129065135878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443945946610818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257124982648734,0.0,0.0,0.08507839121034931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865120041269603,0.0,0.0872292993943809,0.0,0.0,0.08503995850777636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060148281960175465,0.0,0.0,0.07104590464710872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349103123818177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538976620543505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036771874354568,0.06745204771705038,0.0,0.0,0.15281191223840015,0.0,0.15335991617036265,0.0,0.09772118236480072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621981045105102,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,t1234n,2019/01/24,"Feel like the world is caving in and it's time to go Background- sexual assault/stalker survivor and just witnessed dad pass away tragically two months ago.

​

It's been really rough these past two months. My dad was my only support when it came to coping with the assault and handling the depression/PTSD that followed. He died so suddenly and horribly. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I wanted to be a tough girl after his death. I went back to work after his funeral and honestly it didn't hit me he was dead until before Christmas. I went into a spiral. Tried to kill myself with a drug overdose, but stopped because I picked up a phonecall. Checked myself into the doctor after that and finally admitted to a counselor that I've been suicidal before (2 prior attempts, 1 almost to completion) But this time it feels different. This time I'm not sad to die or overwhelmed with grief. It feels like the most logical thing to do - die. It would solve all my problems. I'm at home with family on short disability to take my medicine again and not be alone. But here I am again...work called and said I'm on paper to come back Monday but my doctor says I'm not ready, but insurance won't pick up to see what my options are. I don't know what to do. If I don't go back to work, I'll be that weenie who couldn't handle grief after a month off. I feel like dying is my solution. If I die, I won't have to deal with this and be so nervous. It probably sounds cowardly, but I guess that's how I feel. I don't know if I can handle another tragic event in my life. I feel like the world is caving in and there are all these signs everywhere to go. I won't mess up this time. I won't pick up the phone this time. This time, I really feel like it's my time...",2.844979885057473,4.3715379750000025,4.198045977011496,87.07500000000002,74.80555555555556,7.521072796934866,24.358237547892717,8.216663640201805,1.3609473180076628,1381,43,289,23,29,456,176,360,0.145,0.726,0.13,-0.8223,2,1,1,0,1,1,47.0,0,0,0,3,12,19,2,2,13,0,29,4,0,4,2,60,59,25,12,7,14,2,8,5,0,5,4,4,1,1,26,19,0,1,11,0,1,9,13,12,0,2,10,13,33,7,41,38,3,54,0,6,1,0,15,17,0,8,33,182,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260862982696732,0.0,0.08202143639835674,0.08483447434065433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874988713336078,0.09953010485417507,0.0,0.08589019915928532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695751968799179,0.18895213100991087,0.0,0.04993182123776724,0.0,0.1393994394696233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363967931674611,0.09368367953990556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055855910695512,0.08588149884907859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844460285382615,0.0,0.0,0.4250503302312901,0.08557893710962935,0.0,0.1676775360649361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499006233205104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054101048486057964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721783785225783,0.0,0.2899145252584869,0.2925840403747257,0.0,0.08972884243903997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279480469788125,0.0,0.1396547084879026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023354326471693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216281250162367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062172458208326,0.0,0.09003163039380081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578557398247764,0.2000864265918249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961403059586173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229655229831605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819274775858606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831326800504623,0.07837719316862625,0.09574887747089716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494780284584347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791555028726857,0.13027687978336566,0.0,0.0,0.06527198599816691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848076438517209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959668598747536,0.09295095433289456,0.0,0.0,0.061586428975628216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441763192239498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343383017546017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055611786711875374,0.0,0.16002912283534929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831287775399186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186352790706492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889524620126174,0.0,0.0,0.05818679997329866,0.0,0.09953010485417507,0.0
suicidewatch,wenena_,2019/01/24,"Im scared I never thought I would be here. I’m just so scared, all I can think about is ending it all. Everything sucks no matter how much I try to make things better. ",0.07833333333333314,2.1445157222222235,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,86.22222222222223,4.711111111111111,14.555555555555555,5.985473137389443,-0.927977777777778,130,2,31,1,4,42,29,36,0.273,0.623,0.104,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,10,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,6,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599079864124323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26028545286253696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26411532202122023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174347335441744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616341458415806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160314652573802,0.0,0.22665402010622798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.588438994250978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952370639419209,0.1883028211814778,0.0,0.2333034125589434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995213972867239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875991081647008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuckaDeezNutz,2019/01/24,"I plan on telling my therapist about how much I want to die, but I don't know what will happen once I tell him. So, I have an appointment with my therapist coming up next week. Lately I've been dealing with Depression. It's got so bad to the point where I've been thinking about ending my own life. I even have a plan on how I'm going to attempt it. I'm going to attempt it by overdosing. I plan on attempting to end my life sometime next weekend. There's even times where I've been wanting to run away from home because I no longer feel safe living at home anymore. It's mainly the envornment that's causing me not to feel safe at home. There's a lot of negativity going on inside my home. I've also been experiencing a lot of Anxiety. I would feel like I'm about to have an Anxiety Attack but it never really happens. The Anxiety usually occurs when I'm with family.

Will my therapist make me go to the nearest emergancy department to get evaluated, or will my therapist immediately admit me to a psychiatric hospital?",4.163823529411765,5.485419107843139,6.141450980392162,75.25452941176472,71.15686274509805,9.949803921568627,30.266666666666666,10.203070172399654,3.2736749019607854,814,34,154,23,15,284,108,204,0.15,0.7809999999999999,0.069,-0.9583,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,6,15,6,1,0,10,0,12,2,0,4,1,26,34,9,1,3,4,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,4,0,7,4,0,2,6,1,0,7,5,3,0,0,5,4,20,3,29,25,5,30,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,3,12,102,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211895897372555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23566640200100195,0.0,0.1018381619013736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682157448657997,0.09647805427435716,0.0,0.08573956684844979,0.06259719620546045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548809514335343,0.0,0.08845597574662288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586604866684092,0.08844438037771041,0.0,0.10657315619226383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190085359971345,0.0,0.0,0.13564792403131393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968044030195153,0.0,0.15576528128512365,0.07335979392664364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053649851334111286,0.0,0.2334381288064957,0.0,0.08212837673267646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816119970632547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120147487082992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056434228641709515,0.0,0.11583569391363152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506208696767114,0.050167804790362536,0.0,0.09067472555051577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460206041938794,0.0,0.0,0.06854453863147225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548694616342548,0.0,0.07919873983680388,0.0,0.2184181166536973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935857289519826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707264536051484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578408360863351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156031873714018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950637016281254,0.0,0.0,0.4769112605353432,0.0,0.06579784527227221,0.0,0.0,0.059877762903581364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309550142641107,0.0,0.12113520448677655,0.0,0.08236952020603219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294607815629776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Icirrus26,2019/01/24,"Please somebody kill me right now Someone has learned my deepest secret, he saw that I was keeping gay porn in my laptop so he us that to threathen me, he hinted my friends about it and I know they get it but what I'm worried the most is if he or my friends tell other people about it , I'm done for sure, I will lose the normal life I secured to have and I don't want that so please someone kill me right now because I will live in shame if I don't die. The truth is I'm confused about my identity, there are times that I do things that a straight guy was not supposed to do, I'm fighting it since I was a kid because I really don't want to be like that but sometimes I can't help it, I just want to be normal guy with a normal life, you know, the NORMAL I'm talking about, so I did everything to hide it and have a normal life, even if someone teases me, I did not mind, but my secret is out now, I don't know anymore, I will be devastated for sure if someone told me about it. I don't have anything against the other people who break through in this situation and just accept who they are. I just can't, even if someone says that they will accept me if I fall on the opposite side, I don't want it because I really want to change myself, I don't want my efforts to be wasted. Maybe this is a riduculous way of thinking for others, ""so be it, just accept who you are"", that's what I think the others would say but I just can't. What can I do right now? I don't want other people to think that I'm so affected by it but it really hurts me. I'm angry to the person that has revealed my secret but at the same time I can't blame him because it is the truth, maybe this is a punishment for me on all the bad things I've done.",3.5506486863520084,3.4150601657754045,4.9180492908625935,88.76497674959316,71.67379679144385,7.680818414322251,26.688677051848412,7.079830092131019,1.0375072308765405,1338,39,312,11,23,449,140,374,0.196,0.6970000000000001,0.108,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,2,2,32.0,1,2,3,2,22,21,5,2,17,0,47,5,0,1,5,64,71,22,3,19,20,0,0,1,2,5,3,2,0,4,38,6,0,2,14,0,0,1,14,10,0,0,9,3,51,11,31,52,3,21,0,2,1,2,31,12,0,9,7,223,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191795352684357,0.0,0.0,0.06797354932274388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896834861675044,0.20141110616806812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738085971352595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572675206590856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905891432792558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911430577047858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423641375930387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763458852234166,0.0,0.043155590657322315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635758673129992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536568013582936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842603256214784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341952561724918,0.18277144052107852,0.0,0.13618597683465658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750304955950557,0.04035465511780066,0.0,0.07293815810324694,0.0,0.0,0.09240934206298153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596752669640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340341940110592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046569987084066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717953088773312,0.07212396934028767,0.0,0.18134209175310775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587488639792117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162229714420103,0.0,0.13137519228642414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832836497333772,0.09284693619745382,0.0,0.0,0.3499376128921742,0.0,0.0816944582968583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570084833244974,0.0,0.0,0.06639152014273009,0.07219687695763154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975281062095757,0.15878207335675815,0.0,0.0,0.09633056424520514,0.0,0.0,0.0789287539319857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935878054634592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34104129073224315,0.06556479468610239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388528109479297,0.0,0.05867734971650641,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kuranes_A_Monotov,2019/01/24,"Auf Weidersehn Ii lost it all last weel.and have been drinkin myself into oblivion. I'm going to ride the lightning in a comfortable bath. I said mt.goodbyes to all the appropriate people but at this point the list is short. Been three decades with the last two and a half full of constant misert and sorrow. I've seen too many people die and lost so many loved ones through their own suicides or simply though leaving rhat I dont feel a connection to anything. Lost my career, my band, my best friend, and my girl all in one week. Of that not enoigjt to express a reason to dip then zi dont know what is. O tried. I really really fucking tried these last few year but after a divorce and numerous firings the problems is me and I accept that.",3.3442334217506655,5.512004972413795,3.8151724137931033,87.57591511936344,75.13793103448276,6.6684350132626,26.3262599469496,7.61054688173877,1.454474801061008,591,22,114,8,13,185,101,145,0.13,0.7390000000000001,0.132,0.3329,0,0,1,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,1,4,3,11,1,0,10,0,8,2,0,1,3,20,19,12,2,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,6,8,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,6,0,5,7,4,11,5,14,12,7,17,0,4,1,2,8,7,1,1,8,75,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166207456209368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872290354018056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531453761470852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707953086454886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321817671498976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165620723186547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094899488757202,0.13101477923153482,0.0,0.0,0.08054085028883151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788377645822074,0.346554005891724,0.0,0.15005749287147985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641014632368967,0.0,0.12790482903830494,0.0,0.0,0.2873569232275561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920617685613383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649699248282795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396806146613532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356037153935266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157465728155703,0.14570834120455986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480500741016732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550150371002592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923591023708218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924326348757618,0.0,0.13843659584078447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136765656783712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126089009760187
suicidewatch,afacavaca,2019/01/24,"What will actually help? I’m 20 dropped out of college and I am neet living in my parents basement. My family is the reason I’m in this shitty situation. I can’t help my depression unless I move out but can’t move out unless I fix the depression (I’ve lost two jobs from not being able to get out of bed and I’d have no safety net on my own). I have no friends no one to talk to I’m a recluse and the lonliness is making me go crazy. I don’t know what the point is anymore. To have any kind of life I’d have to work very hard just to get by. I’d be fine with it if there was something that made it worth it. I don’t enjoy anything video games, reading, going out. Something is wrong with my skin too. If I’m outside for more than two minutes I’ll get several big moles on my skin. I’m almost certain it’s gonna be skin cancer. Just great I barely go outside and now I won’t be able to enjoy the sun on my skin. I’ve tried therapy and antidepressants. I had a job for months til I COULDNT get out of bed and lost all my savings in about a month and a half.  I feel like the whole world is out to get my money so I don’t want to work or contribute I want to die. I have a plan for tomorrow and I think im going through with it this time. So basically I’ve tried all the bullshit people will tell you that will make it better nothing helps no one listens I don’t enjoy anything so why continue?",1.1551055806938209,2.5337353954248414,3.3836601307189547,91.76570135746609,79.0326797385621,6.407038712921066,22.880341880341877,7.1686216300943375,0.6202990447461034,1085,34,256,13,26,373,154,306,0.168,0.69,0.142,-0.8886,3,0,2,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,6,9,16,0,0,12,0,28,6,4,4,3,42,54,18,1,5,9,1,6,1,1,5,2,1,2,0,12,18,0,0,4,3,2,6,13,5,0,5,5,7,28,11,41,39,5,30,0,4,0,0,10,16,0,4,8,156,40,6,0.21482743530255768,0.0,0.1048202938125979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755932234838768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304501137619643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652554498313356,0.0,0.0,0.17678467477023665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499870437937867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503055523636835,0.0,0.11147848048306527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126009342556366,0.0,0.05431160306558612,0.07673638135234921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829875718061309,0.0,0.2805961706754457,0.0,0.2441827643652657,0.0,0.0,0.11842400291426985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622159281124784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599145227297756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602524734987292,0.0,0.21318308112072692,0.0,0.0,0.1118548576655992,0.059031770109744926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758694853781206,0.05247691676796402,0.0,0.09484828059661272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345095228751367,0.0,0.0,0.10163745679668014,0.14339898122683115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147320928521698,0.22832756569654125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306635905038716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557262993873796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927022189528258,0.0,0.0,0.07446714717104749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154068236225518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744278532875663,0.0,0.0,0.11043919147492698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134692684677333,0.0,0.0,0.12073751909838633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538465521479515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633507748878846,0.09388432367846868,0.0,0.12283694733255428,0.0,0.0,0.06882637309511529,0.0,0.0,0.06263380256069634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585372692722615,0.0,0.20985518864336675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862756633684822,0.12671078732837135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692417304525568,0.1199235797926506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639693148266778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744003816378458,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsSimpleNotEasy,2019/01/24,"Am I suicidal? I hate that I am mentally ill. I really want to ""start fresh"". I just want to be a normal guy again. I haven't considered ending my life but I do think about ""starting from scratch""",-0.43416666666666615,1.8105452500000008,2.055000000000004,92.20333333333336,96.5,6.666666666666668,19.166666666666668,7.793537801064563,1.0981666666666667,150,5,33,4,6,51,31,40,0.197,0.73,0.073,-0.6605,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,6,11,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,4,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716946126727113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037364967050505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302857871200421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166707123810807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091377237662125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005555799247269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965156376386031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342467062748511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355410861339773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655674761470326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618650689401305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babygothic,2019/01/24,. all ive been thinking about today is how much i want to drown myself in alcohol and drugs and do every fuckin terrible thing i can and avoid all responsibilities and all of my assignments due and say “fuck you” to everyone in my life so that maybe them being mad at me will cushion their emotions when i finally end it. its only been 8 years of constant suicidal thoughts lmao ,10.22187214611872,7.308143424657537,9.902739726027397,67.40515981735162,59.95890410958904,13.568949771689498,40.77168949771689,11.855464076750405,4.627779908675797,302,12,57,7,3,99,59,73,0.237,0.703,0.061,-0.9432,0,1,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,2,0,4,5,3,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,13,12,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,11,0,8,7,4,10,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,7,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593390602188853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262238675473698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28141867168816365,0.0,0.0,0.272969646429839,0.2149324570409815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044588618772533,0.2318803602348008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658317199860493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434332029821827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140409271561122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437933450134296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838943020167214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845604957838728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297990526711614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654401917341325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121831395881284,0.15549231652856932,0.0,0.19265185643633334,0.0,0.0,0.2300215709951433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313229772851174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627069875593716
suicidewatch,AnIllaoiPlayer,2019/01/24,Defeated Just lost $100 to add the $900 bucks I wasted on a fail investment tie that to family issues and getting deferred from my top choice university my life is cucked and honestly I feel beyond defeated. If I get rejected everywhere I might just commit. Don’t want any encouraging words or anything but i just felt like posting to idk look back either say I’ve overcome this or lose the battle and end up in a ditch. I hate money and I hate being poor and always having to want for it sorry for my language but fuck the system.,2.7988679245283024,5.038287754716984,4.574188679245285,81.14769811320755,77.11320754716981,7.636226415094339,23.807547169811322,8.548686976883017,1.8161879245283024,426,14,79,9,10,144,78,106,0.327,0.57,0.103,-0.9837,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,6,5,13,4,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,1,22,16,10,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,10,0,0,2,4,10,3,11,12,1,9,0,6,1,1,2,5,1,4,3,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980854974410646,0.0,0.0,0.14695217263315705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782796905825538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661638999054439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913962411478229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371535919525088,0.0,0.10926424569328486,0.0,0.20748531754582816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997765661959278,0.22580168658437974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266986200393961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22554728604404944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263445788862742,0.10557321830542807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146557564955204,0.2417552972413515,0.2358934802007341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22924289916254376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695950456811496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184760735390656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190092790436696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549171414056349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cactikin,2019/01/24,"Can’t see a psychiatrist for 4 months I live in a very small town. There is literally only one psychiatric facility, and they can’t schedule me in till April. I live with my parents and they won’t let me go to one that’s out of town. I already see a therapist, and they said that I definitely need medication. 
If I can’t even get it until 4 months, there’s no point. I tried to get help and it failed. I might as well just die, since I can’t go on living like this. ",2.7630571428571438,3.4131470200000003,4.7314285714285695,86.58500000000002,73.8,8.514285714285714,24.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.3201714285714283,362,10,87,7,7,125,64,100,0.102,0.79,0.108,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,3,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,10,16,8,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,2,1,3,14,2,12,12,0,16,0,1,2,0,6,8,0,2,7,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796400549469595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618101815449067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184870069960746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745027926548305,0.0,0.20390570219608176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024296325351892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834409121366609,0.0,0.08764207900153607,0.0,0.4752204024084115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071899846276568,0.0,0.19030701726663024,0.0,0.0,0.2863786495169307,0.0,0.0,0.1330172125047452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24312190424535185,0.13643602544790046,0.0,0.0,0.19919406195484546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695838294923499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706432797576873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28590507866425313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483952704727124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828843591632595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179568318148705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480175408352081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129533719835842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Madibehr,2019/01/24,"Not going to make it to my wedding. I'm 43 days away from marrying the greatest man. I'm less days away from taking his handgun to my temple. I've dealt with BPD and severe suicidal tendencies since I was little. There isn't one thing that makes me this way. I just want to cease to exist. I feel bad for everyone spending money on this wedding (at least I went the cheap route). I feel bad to leave him a widower. But I'm done. I know he is strong, and he will only grow better from mourning me. I'm surprised I made it this long. I was always the outcast. Believe me, I preferred it that way. I don't know why I'm posting on here. Maybe to have one person say something besides ""please don't do it"". Maybe to explain that sometimes suicide isn't because of a ""temporary problem"". Maybe to show that I'm not weak, in just not interested in life. Idk. ",1.0686025408348456,3.338868655172416,2.7654869933454336,91.54663339382941,83.71264367816093,5.272353297035694,23.52571082879613,6.5966054737557815,0.7047057471264364,662,25,138,7,19,218,104,174,0.147,0.7509999999999999,0.102,-0.8423,1,0,1,1,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,5,0,11,2,0,3,0,20,29,3,3,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,12,3,0,0,6,1,3,3,7,5,0,2,5,3,17,4,22,23,3,17,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,0,3,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420736871206892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25791166333024873,0.0,0.2292048120727513,0.08366953041595122,0.0,0.0,0.15463967226469671,0.0,0.12139112045978523,0.0,0.0,0.17286819073599394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770365712196895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045978142481033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311532795474493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880076350872278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800532532763048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086379889412255,0.0,0.0,0.14533349855770686,0.0,0.0,0.09694744679861693,0.0,0.1375658252804062,0.0,0.12146658284711816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987424241030165,0.18323789906018284,0.0,0.41367406059716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860154280206895,0.10438880754043824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984599580920348,0.0,0.1506650546764573,0.0,0.0,0.13145259488670413,0.0,0.0,0.13133474376013962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091508890054753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505937170948336,0.0,0.11353896654811728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566580215244062,0.13574895830381614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002699464015271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319887127386827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118629355844547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095670645520625,0.21789366783485387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723699789347004,0.1238515203177411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ha11ucinogens,2019/01/24,"Everyday is a battle and I’m sick of it. Everyday is a game of convincing myself that things are okay and when it falls through I’m put in even more despair than I would be if I never tried at all. 

I wonder when I’ll finally give up and let just let it win. I crave that peace. ",1.3480327868852484,2.594465114754101,3.482754098360658,91.8224918032787,78.18032786885246,7.50295081967213,22.036065573770493,8.238735603445708,0.9218891803278688,216,6,52,4,5,74,43,61,0.13,0.688,0.182,0.5279,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,2,1,7,1,0,0,2,9,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,7,7,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980493873919736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313848135732833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29019506518814675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6186737456022041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333142873260815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041060075993072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009741385213322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538436773562804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328059086984925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148943565685411,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,totallyworndown,2019/01/24,"one last fling I am thinking about finding a motorcycle cop hiding on the side of the road.  I am going to fly past him at twice the posted speed limit.  Then let him catch up . Then drive at max speed just to get him excited.  I want him to think this is his lucky day. And then drive into something  - a large tree or something.  obviously without a seat belt.  Might as well have go out of the shit existence with a bang.

​",1.7997516339869293,4.1707808705882385,2.808627450980392,91.74771241830068,81.47058823529412,5.660130718954249,21.20915032679739,6.937597516519254,0.4476405228758171,334,10,70,4,9,106,64,85,0.025,0.8290000000000001,0.145,0.8555,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,8,0,6,1,1,0,1,15,12,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,8,3,15,10,0,22,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,3,8,47,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471547442435845,0.27717598753456885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471106828772164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848642894104827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917692913981358,0.0,0.2592778790946417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593833091557274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23325571637149586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198636566951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457177267550856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775473973208007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846425138643225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414941493633715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512171119067756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923245805372892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345439113293355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509633858316426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988781318076372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27717598753456885,0.0
suicidewatch,420killmenow420,2019/01/24,"The tea has been spilt Everyday of my life is just 24 hours of me trying not to kill myself ....

",0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,2.4700000000000024,95.165,83.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,-0.3664999999999998,72,1,17,1,2,24,19,20,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.5773,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.554545899436013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6229932663476765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977383623697333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823119545653773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awaythrow712,2019/01/24,"Decide my life I'm a non-offending pedophile. I haven't touched kids but ive done some questionable things, i'm a freak and i deserve to die. I'll come back in 30 min. 

If this post is in the negatives from downvotes I won't do it, but if its in positive upvotes i'm going to kill myself today.",-0.8742881944444463,1.261071953125004,1.9333333333333336,93.86722222222224,95.09375,5.344444444444445,21.17361111111111,6.937597516519254,0.6903840277777777,231,9,52,4,9,80,48,64,0.267,0.662,0.071,-0.9398,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,11,5,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,6,9,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560915302305398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868893186224137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456487807111884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408213083873669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927750541586127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36846564253576414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352399763658103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189656492822033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730873244009947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126071650069049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31568831331409497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Weekndstardust,2019/01/24,"Goodbye my baby The baby was the only thing that kept me from ending it all. I wanted to keep her safe until I knew otherwise. It’s a girl. It’s a baby girl inside me and I wish I could keep her. I wish I had the strength and belief in him to keep her. 

Now that I decided to have an abortion, that means I can follow my baby and die. Or maybe we can die together. No one really wants us. I don’t see the point of pretending to be ok anymore. I loved him so I loved her. But love isn’t enough to bring her into this world. 

I needed to get this out, I wanted to write this somewhere.  Maybe this will help me change my mind. ",-0.6041388888888868,1.4244744888888905,1.948032407407407,96.12427083333334,89.29629629629629,4.856481481481481,15.104166666666668,6.322622252153567,-0.5958055555555553,476,9,112,5,16,163,81,135,0.07,0.721,0.209,0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,7,1,10,3,0,0,1,27,29,7,2,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,5,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,1,28,6,13,22,2,10,1,0,1,3,16,5,0,1,3,80,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926660852411153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922083032854492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201708990482445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124136038499154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333081970330806,0.15551824302769784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863585916074511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088444531024472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401343653613542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40752654385127307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024173428232602,0.16395075662399214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197334671254525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160210408290523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199024453867557,0.11447050517730036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422816779377912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642129111321752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993789279632112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999291432500867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104637092019876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663261120736901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461607688662037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluevelvetbunny,2019/01/24,"Chronic illness makes me want to end it I’ve been suffering from ME/CFS for almost 10 months and it’s ruining my life, my relationship with my family, my future. I can’t do anything. I’m always feeling so ill and in pain and nobody believes me. Think I’m just lazy and dramatic.

I’m not depressed but I feel very suicidal most days. I just want to get better. Feel like I only get worse and that there’s no hope of recovery for the future. :( ",1.0801098901098882,3.368816846153848,3.3897692307692324,86.96773076923077,83.83516483516482,6.716923076923077,22.286813186813184,7.908726449838941,1.2939925274725272,347,12,71,7,10,119,64,91,0.268,0.579,0.153,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,0,20,16,7,1,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,10,3,8,15,1,6,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,6,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572732582870327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925942148279894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728488941271142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427218007127572,0.0,0.19053500901181614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389379411154677,0.0,0.18555410170980988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081172453127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309322047517486,0.0,0.3267916709123221,0.15390701597481768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22511209708637847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139758554482523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521683182384535,0.10525080183584863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380473059520174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195839506383767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384824779699814,0.229238340488065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312968796876071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356512433812893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804223650838576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777566784832098,0.25413863445011603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195469681621029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeoSzlachcic,2019/01/24,"I am completely worthless There's absolutely nothing good about me. I am wholly unlikable, no matter how deep or shallow anyone looks. I am just a toxic burden to everyone. I shouldn't be allowed to live, but I am too cowardly to even end myself (and I would probably fuck it up anyways). I just hope I break someday and end this pathetic excuse of a man that I am.",3.344583333333333,5.171328736111113,5.478888888888887,77.155,74.1388888888889,8.688888888888886,30.055555555555557,9.2995712137729,2.992788888888889,287,13,52,7,6,100,54,72,0.282,0.636,0.08199999999999999,-0.9464,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,12,11,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,11,2,6,8,0,5,0,1,1,1,2,2,1,2,2,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962627585403938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29429480203001585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972104400300517,0.0,0.0,0.1853910046656287,0.0,0.0,0.2682082956058355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594904523471095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354267967598641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27878535636260826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478516142084072,0.0,0.2357062452687743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693265845257085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026278776275416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993918714552777,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vivary_arc,2019/01/24,"Getting There I'm at a point where I'm starting to think about not living, objectively.

I lost my wife to ovarian cancer in 2016; We'd been together for almost ten years.  Reflecting on everything as I've been for three years, I took caring for her on as my identity.  I still am, and at 33 I have no idea of who I am.  I failed out of college due to inattentive ADD and depression at 20 - I was alone.

I think this is why I clung to her so closely, I feared being alone.  Now I've lived in a different state for three years.  I'm still mostly alone - Everyone around it seems has someone, or something - A passion, a drive to succeed, friends and family or just to enjoy something tangible.

I'm still depressed, still incapable, and still feel wholly alone.  When others recount their stories of youth, I have none.  I've never truly known who I was, but took on qualities as best as able from those around me.  I'm exhausted.  I've tried therapy recently, along with doing things to improve my health and to get out and meet people.  Nothing is truly working, and I feel I'm becoming a burden on the few people I can talk with from time-to-time.

So what would the world lose, honestly?  Who would the world lose?  Objectively, nothing.",4.4985331036180165,5.687871100418413,5.346497661826238,81.77115185823283,70.2133891213389,8.970809746492739,29.121585035687914,9.325443323948027,2.489986758552793,959,36,187,20,17,313,136,239,0.138,0.741,0.121,0.111,1,4,2,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,1,7,15,16,0,1,8,0,17,4,0,0,1,34,35,17,0,2,5,1,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,9,16,0,0,8,0,0,3,4,9,0,3,7,2,22,7,38,24,4,37,0,6,0,1,11,18,0,5,15,125,31,4,0.10349212572979034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363241451179636,0.428746522655981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842598670086692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429892190518365,0.0,0.0,0.10860860099665877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551711957013447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782752324851421,0.0,0.0,0.10812724421151128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889116119242873,0.09301204939514572,0.0,0.09756316557472752,0.11645741396965376,0.1046574567188567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995775961551824,0.0,0.10814072842769802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000729014078924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116830012844094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277088616608755,0.0,0.0,0.2315624328622081,0.11297388060349775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981950744998823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860697167159988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434968182143185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783351042592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218598877509072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421534437199182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768854228620941,0.15934658910917815,0.0,0.0,0.07325225926259342,0.0,0.4132447264701965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318305044955783,0.0,0.0,0.1183522652002073,0.0,0.06875556971159044,0.13262715067753408,0.0,0.0,0.060347090774669564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299671193098913,0.07026435996897684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933855463007162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753435001165559,0.0,0.0,0.14703567356859107,0.0,0.0,0.19993660754207604
suicidewatch,Anonymousperson2001,2019/01/24,Need to cuddle someone to sleep It might be so peaceful to just have someone their laying beside you.,8.39736842105263,8.018169789473685,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,61.631578947368425,7.6,34.78947368421053,3.1291,2.1123263157894736,82,3,13,0,1,25,16,19,0.0,0.8140000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.6269,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503720822593206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147925905861864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248487029922309,0.0,0.7194262936529776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,X_UnderAnonymous,2019/01/24,"I’m ready to go back home Hi reddit, I’m new to this subreddit and I just needed somewhere to rant because I can’t really rant in the real world without people judging me. Long story short I’m hellishly depressed lately to the point that I’ve started cutting and doing drugs again (not the best outlet for my depression but it’s an outlet) and I’ve been doubting a lot of stuff lately. I don’t want to die, which is weird, I just want to get away from all the bullshit of my usual life, meds and therapy have stopped working completely as well which is a mega bummer. I’ve tried the usual bullshit of keep pulling through and ask my therapist for help, really, the only thing I haven’t tried is talk to my friends, but I’m pretty sure even my closest friends hate me. Even if they didn’t hate me, I doubt they’d be even willing to listen to my problems, because I’m never my “real self” with them, instead I act happy so apart from the few times I said I have depression I doubt they’ve noticed or even would believe me if I said I was a few days away from killing myself. All in all, my depression combined with recent reminders of childhood trauma as well as my oppositionality being worse lately, and voices being worse, and anxiety attacks, and my dissociation... etc. I’m really close to killing myself soon, any tips on how to keep going? Cuz I’m all out answers and I’m ready to do anything to get away from the reality I’m currently living in.",4.168589490968802,5.3935946931034495,5.2984729064039415,81.6714367816092,71.0344827586207,7.592775041050904,28.98193760262727,7.957251820313856,1.910711001642036,1151,44,221,15,21,381,154,290,0.269,0.616,0.116,-0.9956,1,0,1,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,3,2,14,24,7,3,12,0,19,2,0,2,6,45,44,20,3,7,9,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,1,1,7,13,0,3,1,0,0,4,7,17,2,0,5,4,31,7,38,33,9,36,1,4,0,0,13,14,0,7,18,146,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061603110880384414,0.0,0.06929975708593572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454640444735783,0.0,0.08468777764239098,0.10305720287971452,0.25533190568155,0.06965676632590694,0.0,0.11044350287863157,0.0,0.0,0.1020619274663734,0.09506677100083033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949800480959138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058421921833199476,0.0,0.3120940799579249,0.0,0.09401629303069647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505360071541013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102983561453986,0.2393307176100958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997650192256428,0.0,0.09465723497916356,0.0,0.1029667709325198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964328679609048,0.0,0.17887426862624686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060719389012802175,0.0,0.09086739271765157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610379833193525,0.20044493574725888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065624477542287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398515425119289,0.0,0.0,0.0799910772320178,0.08016774341651907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701488377869843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062311506944126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717003351327365,0.06986723672447033,0.08749068849707363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313531379320637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889644001092267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628024807949974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563516928235188,0.0,0.0,0.09216080905099894,0.0,0.0866807132681839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062185030950202,0.17409944217512288,0.0,0.08944496020783681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234032504973584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450329284045683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641188238565439,0.0,0.0,0.0757358264831724,0.0,0.0,0.10370186390360724,0.0,0.0,0.0853783459024395,0.0,0.0,0.07281139740011851,0.0,0.0,0.10359554943133632,0.10517993090877516,0.060182802658552616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282273233054833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300693973391902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954030043694726,0.0,0.1068625842404096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289941731807098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732383252167816,0.0,0.06594931898811593,0.0,0.18463431528789767,0.06435128792667219,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lady-Lilithh,2019/01/24,"Some wholesomeness Ive been depressed for years now and i gave up on suicide since i kept failing, i still don’t want to live but I’m trying to make do while I’m stuck here. Today for the first time in a year i worked out in a group class (kickboxing) for 60 min.
I flailed around hilariously as my muscles weren’t up for it and I’m sure i looked ridiculous BUT i did it none the less! And its the small wins that count!  So just as I’m trying to celebrate my small victory i hope it helps other celebrating their small achievements as well!

Thank you for your time 🖤",1.3687005649717534,3.5138221694915264,2.5450000000000017,94.33043785310736,81.54237288135593,5.967231638418079,20.850282485875713,7.1686216300943375,0.3553197740112992,448,13,102,6,12,143,78,118,0.097,0.6509999999999999,0.252,0.9735,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,1,5,7,8,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,1,1,14,18,10,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,6,1,14,5,18,12,3,20,0,2,1,0,6,10,0,2,10,64,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138676454533208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692137052528572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435099442868032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103015082735106,0.0,0.0,0.2386159985723021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121394078718129,0.0,0.20174402923582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603643986771837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873190197337484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191858765733342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26278739083171754,0.0,0.2264266512161516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118393280016965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280175828268218,0.0,0.22772274267105136,0.0,0.0,0.3262191267107044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170183806037218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600775441668105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749001259116473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094178686448067
suicidewatch,AnasElhadar,2019/01/24,"I am finally ready to die I've been depressed for a very very long time and ever since then I never was truly happy,  I have been suffering due to my ugliness and my unforgivingness idiocy, hatred, family and country, two days ago I had the straw that broke the camels back.

It was my mom, one of the only people I truly believed that they believed in me, told me that I am failure and that I will never amount to anything.
 

I was always trying to latch to any bit of hope in my miserable life trying my best to stay alive hoping for the ""happy ending"" trying to find someone\something to live for,or that maybe I will finally be able to ""love"" someone again or be so curious about a phenomenon that I have to wait to see it through,  give my life a meaning rather than let it just stay as the pain that it is, but I am not sure that is possible anymore.


Every day I ask myself if my life is ever going to become worthwhile, or if it's going to matter in the long run, or if it's worth all the embarrassment,the tears,the pain,and work, maybe one mistake could ruin all that I endured, and knowing me and knowing how much of an idiot I can be, and knowing that even defending what I believe in could get me into a worst situation than the one I live in right now.




So due to all of that and much more,  I am very sure that life is never going to be liveable never mind good, ever.



No matter what I do and no matter how hard I try I will always be broken and unrepairable.
So I guess, good bye cruel world.",13.57571842200507,5.74036912703583,12.972616720955484,62.810919290626146,59.6840390879479,15.729134998190375,44.534563879840746,10.746095033038511,4.6430683315237085,1170,32,239,16,9,397,151,307,0.221,0.718,0.06,-0.9949,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,2,15,20,2,1,13,0,29,6,0,2,12,51,46,24,1,9,10,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,20,11,0,1,5,0,1,4,7,10,0,4,7,2,34,10,32,28,10,36,0,5,1,1,7,8,0,9,23,179,54,1,0.08439529755782713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481133916414368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044729666887956,0.0,0.0,0.05739169637739067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369745748441862,0.0,0.0,0.06945013894470761,0.0,0.07889821068883246,0.0,0.0,0.06489477441114506,0.0,0.0,0.09320797555084062,0.0,0.2852537998063916,0.08856765801085363,0.0,0.092137806742718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476555558412254,0.0,0.0,0.1088559701520617,0.0,0.07268954612091558,0.0,0.0875889945659162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474918378478765,0.0,0.0,0.05574229808593692,0.2290211350890744,0.07110667813180613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956037554838392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849018465300904,0.07713577301812506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409305968651416,0.08095965960030681,0.1438913774775258,0.14157354296746705,0.0,0.0,0.09297093506992457,0.0,0.0,0.17968072714897665,0.07560160968599207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764714625056226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914434523022545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629990970922809,0.2384435781222389,0.0,0.0,0.14904518787417856,0.14937436514708405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617005105834784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695728397916404,0.09193122036974696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521519213845738,0.09884275249478827,0.0,0.0,0.12408050870479592,0.0,0.26036342512662786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156531337795533,0.06418642679048599,0.17960509382486367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058509072967629784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514301736997778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207312298631283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725212545757876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981266225677564,0.09486385047935107,0.0,0.0,0.07150786174765475,0.0649716232412011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990831608998878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908313834186255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921157669497373,0.0,0.0,0.08064332349752558,0.0,0.22919546875574998,0.0,0.08244194259763628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890487722734505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144078176524088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItWouldBeSoEasy,2019/01/24,"It Doesn't Matter I am so screwed over for life. Minus my already existing mental and physical problems, I am probably going to jail. I have no way out of this.

I don't have a visa. I got told I was being paranoid and ""it's fine as long as the paperwork is in saying you're here"". ""So-and-so does it all the time"". There's no way to even get around this. I could leave, only for every customs dude that got my passport to go ""why the fuck did you stay so long without a visa?"" That's assuming I even could leave. The only way to even explain it is to throw my husband under the bus. Even then, I will still be in so much shit that it's not worth it. Not to mention that we're broke and can't afford courtroom fees.

I was literally going to go back to the states when that visa expired because I didn't want to deal with this shit. No, ""you're being paranoid"". I couldn't really buy my own plane ticket out, and I just can't stand being such a burden on my parents. I had made up my mind to leave when 2 1/2 years into a 3 year visa was up and my husband just would not start the paperwork. I tried getting him to start it at the beginning of that visa. I bugged him to the point of him telling me to stop bugging him because it was annoying. They want 6 months to renew a visa. I didn't renew it. I didn't renew it because it didn't seem like my husband gave a fuck that they literally only gave me a 3 year visa on the promise that we'd start the paperwork right then. I could have tried, but if they checked my file and went ""oh well, they never put any paperwork in"", it'd probably get denied anyway. 

Other than just not being able to leave myself, the only reason I stayed was because I got so fucking pissed off. We sat there arguing over the visa when he finally decided to cram the paperwork in within a week of having to leave. What am I supposed to say when it literally doesn't matter what I say? When every conversation or argument is like talking to a brick wall, it's terrible. I just said ""fine, it's on you if this gets us in trouble"".

On top of everything else that's been eating away at me for 4 years, I just can't do this anymore. I fucking hate this. I've never been so depressed and lonely in my life. Nothing I say or do matters. The only time I can actually get my husband to listen to me for more than 2 seconds is if I completely break down crying. I do that a lot lately. I just can't help it. I sit at home either numbing myself with games and stupid videos all day, or I sit there crying like a baby because everything's gone to shit and I can't do anything about it.

I always had an escape plan for everything. When I decided to marry my husband though, I never expected to need an escape plan from this country. I fucking love him more than anything, but I can't do this anymore. I never made an escape plan for this. I shouldn't have needed one. I don't know what to do. I'm trapped in every sense of the word. Mentally, I'm such a wreck that I couldn't crawl out of that hole even if I was given an elevator out. Physically, I'm about as strong as a wet noodle, and I'm fairly certain I'm close to a heart attack judging by my stress levels and random, but frequent, pains. Financially, I've got nothing.

Even if I got out, I don't think I could start over. I've lost so much. I can't talk. I can't leave. I can't do the things that used to make me happy because they just depress me further now. I gave up almost all of my hobbies in an effort to not have to listen to how bad they are every time I did one. I still only watch twitch and youtube when my husband's asleep or at work. He was sounding jealous of a loud idiot that played video games on youtube. I don't like the guy, I just don't want to play the game myself. I'm pretty sure I lost my will to live a good year ago, if not 2. ""You hold on to things that happened like a year ago, and that's bad."" Well, when nothing's changed between then and now, how could I possibly know that it's no longer relevant? 

I hope that my husband finds someone that can make him a lot happier than me. I can't even make myself happy. I hope he finds that 5-star chef that's a lawn care specialist, perfect maid, gun enthusiast, computer tech, blacksmithing legend, gym bunny, dietitian, and nymphomaniac that holds a full-time job and always has time for everything. I am not that person. I am not even partially one of those things. I am fucking useless. I am a lazy, good for nothing idiot. Ask the neighbors.

Don't get me wrong, I have not, and will never say, that I don't love him. I love him so much, I started hating myself first. I never wanted to blame anything on him. I love him so much, I willing gave up everything I had and all that I was to love him more. That is why this kills me so much. If he was anyone else, I would never allowed anything to get to this point. I would have just hiked through the god damn forest to leave if I had to. I would have never thought twice or looked back. He's the smartest person I know. He's cared more about me than anyone in my life save for maybe my grandma and my parents. I just can't stand always being second to his own laziness and interests.

I just can't stand crying everyday anymore. I can't stand having absolutely no one to talk to anymore. I can't stand hating myself so much anymore. I don't know what else to do. I am so sorry. I just can't do it. I have no energy to even just sit here. I already feel dead.",2.344975735414721,3.7028012291483776,3.9611388435971406,88.95640575403526,75.77787532923617,6.692282607646963,24.01780046117184,7.278113599176779,0.8807937963704435,4236,131,921,48,91,1416,375,1139,0.181,0.706,0.113,-0.9966,5,3,0,1,0,0,144.0,3,3,6,11,64,71,23,1,48,0,107,25,6,10,15,145,191,65,2,30,40,9,2,5,1,9,6,10,4,3,65,31,1,3,15,9,12,8,56,40,2,8,41,14,147,31,121,126,19,124,0,7,2,12,75,47,12,21,59,635,212,3,0.03913337680875634,0.0,0.03818853070787563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937875473623678,0.0,0.03918642406940124,0.0,0.08636930884304418,0.0,0.0976863132430188,0.0,0.0,0.026612038170625175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940489717112709,0.05472593392202845,0.04009676910908675,0.1288137389352289,0.03483700211747593,0.036584424698629166,0.044519865597665936,0.03676709570381724,0.060182302413484434,0.06534947006614046,0.14313205967847809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979817151874509,0.0,0.04139792376307395,0.0,0.041030601040330135,0.0,0.0,0.1562240853496982,0.0,0.12895853058782766,0.02523779061815918,0.04034479314901844,0.06741104020536615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03424588176051529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040043214133588224,0.09807274451544418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23262503675865165,0.0,0.1318862310803169,0.0,0.1758527787050349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019787011140917188,0.0,0.0,0.04286870146964596,0.07153439488461248,0.033286830322233334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706905763717427,0.1431190194840801,0.0,0.08896159947775473,0.06564643959339557,0.15649268167984065,0.0,0.0,0.038748195581406186,0.03460551587202163,0.08331641459021208,0.0,0.11590832337186599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637323993823934,0.02623027757872944,0.0,0.03925396767969589,0.07773654617001206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03883383810359045,0.0,0.04329528334674645,0.0,0.08602672187149736,0.0,0.044144153570192315,0.2900561693884872,0.0,0.0,0.08292318405440857,0.09559295602771783,0.0,0.034555488678830834,0.06926361404039465,0.032862180526555464,0.0,0.0854374071076119,0.06653959508001378,0.17659700219470853,0.07405789468382343,0.0783654986864876,0.0,0.0393147368877408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887447910954155,0.0,0.039513554905116224,0.0,0.03123588801455677,0.0,0.17260520819088984,0.058033806092951536,0.2414565815285473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019812192404292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607115562146176,0.17857617888333055,0.041640672032730884,0.0,0.08690596764642387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683395103693935,0.0,0.0,0.07398738021899312,0.04411700245396055,0.0,0.03981271291742236,0.08438479799824035,0.03744535652800027,0.0,0.039339852404001695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025069843251071918,0.04023562901410529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03341968997353973,0.037224802798245485,0.1556021596852835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562555649984682,0.0,0.0,0.12050954679735836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033157583177451565,0.0,0.0,0.0438066114406543,0.1384940276181139,0.08342194563333721,0.06250393054023283,0.032717255288738964,0.04482715091655167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036882744517761634,0.0,0.0,0.0943617777987329,0.034204296204256905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799543003637077,0.025075087722551504,0.03844834402359654,0.0310675299455448,0.09127594687786307,0.0,0.0,0.03739361856478717,0.0,0.053137988141653686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047072633935334486,0.033798672892862466,0.0,0.0,0.0923275182105441,0.09318675900610476,0.03139043438708354,0.0,0.07037121096138473,0.03627703236224245,0.0706235715250274,0.0,0.0,0.037723178765833115,0.0,0.028489564393042958,0.0,0.0,0.11119691237403337,0.042786204279965066,0.0,0.1512036697600906
suicidewatch,MackenzieBibbles,2019/01/24,"I want to die As the title states it: I want to die.

I’ve been off my antidepressants for three years now. I thought I could handle being off them since I can’t afford them and eventually make enough money to get more meds, but I was wrong. I can’t get a job. No one wants to hire a person who has a spotty resume. I’m so unmotivated to do anything. I lost the motivation and determination to work on my art, to get up and do things like find my lost cat, and to clean my crappy apartment. 

What makes it worse is that my memory is slowly fading and I’m only 23. I can barely remember what I did last week, and now my roommates say I chose a different soup the other day even though I was so sure I chose a certain one I wanted. 

I’m useless to society. I want to just end my life or end up in a coma. I want to just stop existing as it’d be better if I wasn’t around. My roommates would be happier if I was gone, I’d cause them less trouble: I’d be less of a burden than I already am.",2.9399599465954616,3.1452933831775702,5.204138851802405,84.97700934579444,73.11214953271029,8.170360480640856,24.164218958611485,8.192908349453996,1.1223134846461948,760,19,177,11,14,269,122,214,0.19,0.662,0.14800000000000002,-0.9167,4,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,3,5,9,10,0,0,10,0,22,2,0,4,2,31,40,15,2,10,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,9,7,0,1,4,1,1,1,4,6,0,3,10,1,30,4,23,23,4,20,0,3,0,0,6,8,0,3,11,119,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834938143806384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062632518278187,0.11967324468639155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889444123224938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380989990082266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107333249450781,0.0,0.0,0.0866977095734583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790389981219858,0.14045313679924232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238134225162802,0.13890449772151325,0.0,0.08879126360567684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228686830406784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070597841716074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340331047462173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958026362875747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495350625611301,0.06567682935760841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934974626025856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794692028446106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493239751950374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821896057251098,0.1022418188118863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738109551742874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228558528751154,0.0,0.0,0.10690595744693253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120378438468648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239141888366594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670084798041614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931084398601337,0.0,0.13207904820874994,0.10672422674136688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757499069884776,0.0,0.10783347897014013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786831252356808,0.0,0.13699799443287022,0.09549684598314898,0.1469806120725173,0.0,0.08656999104793002
suicidewatch,Elevryn,2019/01/24,"I can't be alone right now I havent been like this in so long. I'm really not okay, and in constantly alone in between work and school. I'm starting to panic and have melt downs the second my room mate leaves.

Is anyone down to text or...?",-0.09470588235294032,2.047210803921569,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,88.01960784313727,4.968627450980391,14.382352941176471,6.42735559955562,-0.7532117647058825,185,3,44,2,6,60,40,51,0.145,0.787,0.068,-0.596,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,2,8,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,5,27,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821203777281853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650126758866968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036913626047408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29756800776944803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729605461832767,0.0,0.0,0.24870088057522274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297257329045564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003369240271502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399963224593793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844152753392327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891302006243333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045916849681592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1996s,2019/01/24,"This is neverending I try, but maybe I'm not trying hard enough to get a hold of myself and my life. It feels like swimming against a current you know will never change. I've been this way since I was 13-14. I don't know what I expected. Maybe that it would go away on its own, eventually? 


I'm so tired, everything just feels heavy. ",1.1781366459627378,3.268332942028988,2.4484886128364387,95.06478260869568,81.89855072463769,6.2616977225672885,20.002070393374744,7.447530270364453,0.3671722567287787,259,7,60,4,7,83,56,69,0.079,0.8490000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.3438,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,1,12,14,3,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,5,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920799636562951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24681731717140665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410777247933097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968931343280928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359430889622603,0.16668094688896729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189794357606815,0.0,0.13259881968985382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900524520827485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564486665912581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479794121040678,0.11398637807189207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687944226124346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799476285553875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930013481753076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681623391792835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168124021888173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851953251360944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657409423898665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,batistepembreton,2019/01/24,"Don't know where to go next I've always struggled with the job aspect of adulthood; my history consists of a string of part-time retail work because my bosses never thought I was worth promoting despite my best efforts. I moved to Colorado from Virginia, to New York, back to Virginia, and now I'm in Texas--all to try to find a job. In the past 12 months I've had 4 jobs, and they all made me miserable.

​

It's like no matter what I do, I'm just going to be intensely unhappy with life. I want so badly to give up and end it all, but I can't go through with it. And yet, at the same time, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make my life better. I have no money in my checking account and have tons of debt from having to live on credit cards. I'm worried about my bills, and I can't schedule appointments with therapists or psychiatrists to try to change my medication. 

​

It's like no matter what I do, I make the wrong decision. As I grow older, I accumulate more debt while also getting more depressed. I'm approaching the breaking point. I need to either change course or just go through with it, but I don't know how to do either. I'm existing in this painful limbo and I want to get out, one way or another.",4.494507874015749,4.7899794251968535,5.560305118110239,83.47305610236222,69.70866141732283,8.55472440944882,30.44192913385827,8.472884824447931,2.1217409448818896,970,37,203,14,16,322,137,254,0.16399999999999998,0.762,0.07400000000000001,-0.9755,5,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,5,10,11,0,2,7,0,15,4,0,5,3,42,38,17,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,6,0,9,7,9,6,0,1,4,0,24,5,39,33,9,32,0,2,0,0,2,10,0,3,15,130,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229095935647376,0.09602789315132562,0.2500869353030995,0.2804643442078282,0.0,0.12101433237904513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874088161233575,0.09636004861902538,0.07035105367903896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111255683590445,0.10206813865417516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417066840781554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939990492767273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221637302934146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547993368633787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059081875457175,0.11070893817194576,0.2623538964348633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435710059106535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902740548702916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303079507841967,0.1127640898222362,0.0,0.10190652091826448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920092121838612,0.15407017594973424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626044023261192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211678946117846,0.12265940775895284,0.0,0.08557284964979936,0.08900901534444766,0.11146082770731414,0.1227366845532808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820278957438773,0.0,0.1228012156040982,0.0,0.0,0.12497456602075005,0.11016906771097426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909694520675947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064848421170075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399645560775664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162028989663787,0.0672947666599029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670759428238934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614011153629266,0.09160472782604548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401769156719982,0.1172014398899452,0.0,0.0,0.12617946925868573,0.2804643442078282,0.0
suicidewatch,Croat8753,2019/01/24,"The Story of My Life 100% True PART 1 I'm writing this for circumstances that are out of completely out of my control. Let me preface this by stating I thought I would NEVER post on this subreddit. But that isn't how life work does it? Well , onto my story and decay into the depths of my own insanity that are debilitating to state lightly. I was born June 24 , 1999 to a loving mother. I was her one and only , in fact she had a hell of 9 months trying to deliver me. I wasn't even supposed to be born with the luck they had conceiving. The first 7-9 years of my life were amazing . Everything was new and beautiful. I was a star athlete and artist as well. 

**9--15 YEARS OLD**. This is  when I started getting bullied physically and emotionally. Kids would hit me and I wouldn't hit back. Looking back I should have knocked them out but my father has always stressed non violence and proving people wrong is the route to go. After 3 school changes it was time for high school where all the kids who bullied me from 3 different schools came together. It was like the Russians , Austrians , and Germans dividing Poland but this time I was Poland. I was accused of being gay , weird , a freak , and most frightening a school shooter. I played boomer games like Battlefield 1942 so that's probably why. The only way I escaped from their shit was from utilizing porn and video games which only lowers your social status. By the way it felt as if even though I did everything to join clubs or sports in high school my social status NEVER fucking changed. I even started our school's lacrosse team. But even though a clear face was enough for them to ostracize me , my genetics had a surprise tactic for the enemy: Cystic acne. Now when I say I had it bad I mean the worst you have ever seen bad. Every day I would cry about it until it got better after 3 months. Of course people called me worse names and had worse impressions of me. 

**16-18 YEARS OLD** 

This is when hell started to fume. Senior year I was all along after fucking around with a bunch of nobodies who then ostracized and bullied me. Even the goddamn incels bullied me. Its awful when the chads bully a person , that's expectd but the same team. WTF! My acne returned due to experimenting with various products which only affected my skin in horrible ways even worse than those damn cysts. Everyone hated me and laughed at me. High school was hell to say the least. Enter the summer of 2017 when I thought I found my life purpose : The Manosphere. This was a perfect organization of men who spit awful views of women. I found heaven it seemed since I had never had a girlfriend or any sexual gratification. I found my purpose right? WRONG. I went down a path of unhealthiness and sadness. I almost died in a couple car accidents to say the least which now seem like nothing.

​

**19 Years old - NOW** 

I dumped the manosphere idea last May and my life was orgasmic. I found a purpose outside of that cult and I believed in getting a girlfriend , the hottest ones from high school actually! Everyday during the summer of 2018 I would run around the block and I would continue at my university in the hopes of meeting that special someone. But then that cult showed up in my Youtube recommended since I watched a video  called how to get better with females or some shit like that. I watched it and there was the recommendation. Now I already got dumped by a girl at this party since she never called or contacted me again even though I had all the signals and signs! (I hope if she's reading this , that you realize your MARGINAL but FUCKING catastrophic outcome .) MGTOW was the way I thought , no women meant I could do anything like everything. I am a type A personality so this MGTOW idea created an OCD fandom for myself since I needed to fulfill the lack that a woman would provide. So I kept adding things that I wanted to accomplish but it never ended. I had OCD with everything too. I started doing weird shit like putting my lollipop in my mouth to see if I would die because my adrenaline was pumping due to this idea. 

​

I will stop here. Since part 2 is a story you won't want to miss. You won't believe it neither. STAY TUNED! 

Hopefully in a couple hours I'm balancing school and work but will update you guys. Cheers.",3.214720860566448,5.739985420343142,3.9131535947712415,84.95025599128542,77.14950980392156,6.774727668845316,26.25054466230937,7.879130955064827,1.7067748910675378,3397,132,631,56,81,1077,378,816,0.227,0.6659999999999999,0.107,-0.9992,3,0,0,1,1,0,101.0,1,7,4,10,37,51,14,1,50,2,60,20,8,4,14,112,104,54,2,20,16,2,2,6,2,14,6,3,0,10,43,33,0,4,17,12,0,7,12,26,2,3,44,12,94,25,82,40,17,104,4,2,6,7,50,29,10,17,66,427,137,17,0.0,0.0,0.04428899326705569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045446296037039785,0.0,0.05008322743667333,0.0,0.03776376824234396,0.09834876883471376,0.1102949377241356,0.030863203100882336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734780253819815,0.08080414321397836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979618060657759,0.07578878228923502,0.02766613740606941,0.0,0.0,0.1022661989385088,0.0,0.08027829012117589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902878784800474,0.051908091605855064,0.0,0.0,0.09602214763579524,0.0,0.047585072783218316,0.0,0.0509028839629386,0.03623604959893263,0.10043477992924683,0.049853043894457584,0.02926942508768733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420446159716236,0.04741742989637945,0.0,0.0,0.03971652217567654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105176290496826,0.040197439462408335,0.0468946043719629,0.0,0.20983350955100127,0.04105312703641256,0.03823863010739565,0.04336709714011502,0.1631556362644585,0.04439501830437608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357650098752669,0.0,0.0,0.03860426616829708,0.0,0.1990482516058343,0.0,0.1258724786470547,0.07113501476741428,0.0,0.025793213350076814,0.0,0.07259670059872285,0.0,0.0,0.0449380623293145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044808068969545464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180602503706806,0.0,0.13523196517813935,0.04469486100506726,0.0,0.0,0.1537016591209351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699464879926709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640900703525799,0.16028304276145414,0.13303625064631544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038111780293794584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04096153109954909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943732464233653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245138832649092,0.0,0.0,0.033652235365817317,0.17501768062587955,0.04383289820808419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354791535123448,0.0,0.1428710594955996,0.0,0.061507795797167336,0.13806866507853174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829457655512394,0.0,0.06292817659091479,0.07925646937759133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346606864458506,0.0,0.04893246324367192,0.0,0.0,0.04562423392446665,0.0,0.0,0.04539705645670596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038758349608877286,0.0,0.10827538333994532,0.0,0.4133863346931898,0.036165789443034425,0.08263318869355891,0.0,0.0,0.13976045707418208,0.1877137730932262,0.0,0.0,0.09252812471834512,0.038454372317475366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849430848495266,0.048374131185382384,0.0,0.037943703838301146,0.051988106070679684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03015162765461367,0.0,0.1337709321117713,0.10809132473105512,0.0529284541953341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030813282881098605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053538231984759946,0.14409728665292593,0.0,0.0,0.08161272588108691,0.042072140830198855,0.040952700009512386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608131301184693,0.0,0.1387528882231468,0.2256802925193919,0.09924225300909234,0.1102949377241356,0.14613153451719713
suicidewatch,Iwanttodie2000,2019/01/24,"I am so convinced in my genetic inferiority and the absence of free will that I don't think I'll ever recover my self-esteem or my will to live. I know it's not my fault that I am unable to be happy because I have genuinely tried to be happy and worked hard towards it and there is still no noticeable improvement. On the outside I am relatively successful and I sincerely believe I am better than most people, only because I feel compelled to follow my values. But that just makes me angry and jealous because why do I have to hold myself accountable. The hypocrisy of people disgusts me. I see it everyday. People who claim to love animals but eat meat, people who use personal contacts to get a job, people who lie, pressure and deceit to get laid, people who place their faith in God or a political party without giving it any serious thought. 

​

But I don't even blame other people because nothing compels them to care to the degree that I have too. And it's also unfair that I was born with ASD and OCD and very severe introversion and can't function properly in a social setting. People always say that you aren't entitled to friends or a partner, and I agree with them but I am very desperate for warmth and affection and I feel that society has made nearly zero effort into helping people like me. Sometimes I'm glad i'm not a girl because men would pretend to like me to have sex, and then I would hate myself even more, but sometimes I wish I could have even that option. 

​

And it's also unfair that I have learning difficulties. Having to work twice as hard to reach the same results, and being held accountable to the same degree of fuck ups that normal people have and to not even have it acknowledged is suicide fuel. 

And the worst part is that none of it is under my control. And this is the only chance of consciousness I'm ever going to get because I don't believe in life after death. 

 ",7.330403225806452,6.902382524193553,7.8731397849462414,71.74470967741938,63.81182795698925,10.128172043010752,34.997849462365586,9.516144504307137,3.3326888172043017,1537,61,265,25,20,511,192,372,0.17600000000000002,0.654,0.17,-0.8055,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,3,6,13,23,4,1,13,0,35,5,0,8,2,64,59,32,2,5,13,0,4,2,2,4,1,1,0,4,25,22,1,3,8,1,3,2,11,9,0,2,4,6,38,15,40,47,7,21,1,1,1,3,19,11,1,5,9,205,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893239963349,0.0670764871341665,0.17468833843773562,0.19590727608907385,0.054819615257415515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948456781952404,0.0,0.0,0.1816465277865826,0.0,0.07129566175586337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219034244681625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041435217271353,0.06436293378133917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248724048865437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297654730687102,0.14583817641310207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152072613788769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062281416237026675,0.0745254343646044,0.1263509211319915,0.07733135054025958,0.045814234753333835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162810917294907,0.1444268567555386,0.07958866399281793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403320541409623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999597964493596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443028054128688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693935725174031,0.07876689545023936,0.0,0.07118277007795913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275639433444757,0.07627798493507915,0.053809814188912335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898363997271061,0.0773503630525285,0.0917784530812823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261966254717235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872960407095338,0.0,0.5588691520916744,0.07038817623269436,0.084223444174551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641067059387115,0.0,0.0,0.06423813679569658,0.0,0.08409695679382198,0.09106976256256212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217481803443831,0.0,0.0,0.15945666830130195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437765875583988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881775555452863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165356567891635,0.0,0.06399773018862279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054730946325899726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962376321266309,0.0,0.1330283614513986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274070843961246,0.0,0.092700990092819,0.07770807079753621,0.0,0.11737447157293696,0.0,0.0,0.11453034741408252,0.0,0.19590727608907385,0.0
suicidewatch,Anannomiss,2019/01/24,"Sometimes venting helps Life sucks. Nothing happens the way I plan or hope it will. My fiancé cheated on me. You think I would walk away but no. I’m too scared to be alone. I’ve fought feelings of wanting to kill myself since I was probably 14. I’m almost 30. When does it stop? When does it go away? When do I get to be happy and hopeful in life. Is it a myth or do people like me just stay this way until we finally get the courage to finally off ourselves? I’m broke and have no future. I’m completely a waste of space on this shitty place we called “home”. It’s a joke. And so am I. Idk how much strength I have left. I’m getting weak. I often look up methods to kill myself. But I’m scared. I feel bad I’ll be leaving my mom, the only person to actually care about me. My father left me when I was 7 and told me he wished he had a new son. I still to this day haven’t forgiven him but honestly am starting to realize and understand why he did what he did. Is this being strong or just delaying the inevitable? I don’t know anymore ",0.3234242424242417,2.4062222818181844,2.466818181818184,93.7035606060606,85.27272727272728,5.484848484848484,21.439393939393934,6.816661863887847,0.4386666666666672,802,27,181,10,24,270,132,220,0.234,0.605,0.161,-0.9673,0,1,1,0,0,2,24.0,2,1,0,3,12,20,5,2,8,0,21,3,0,1,0,31,47,18,2,5,8,3,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,10,7,0,2,6,1,0,2,4,10,0,0,7,3,25,10,19,34,1,30,0,1,1,0,16,11,1,7,15,108,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.117306822267188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037213263740212,0.12450046044014555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192152084079536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588096902711696,0.0,0.10036964670026848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274701607965068,0.0,0.1225612736347764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603704134553895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752497840537094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103917323132528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156274965707176,0.0,0.0,0.26336656849108936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841301006726646,0.0,0.06831764894524706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063005835683123,0.12796491063032372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805736814931309,0.0,0.12057961185017226,0.2387896846565516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26598730113054186,0.0,0.06606382325889915,0.0,0.0,0.127284168007092,0.2612152582078483,0.0,0.16981460198281867,0.058728134834608925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094543830003597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407875423273834,0.0,0.0,0.08836758098273728,0.0,0.0,0.11609877805410107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534395318969097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142450053771542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333791177456817,0.1049620219491164,0.12559301105990606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296058308259381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407007257758594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943827842088238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888995577072617,0.0,0.0850846784713539,0.12812699478347234,0.0959992088589526,0.10050025963514783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702519066010767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486502584928925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514199895266398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090249067150711,0.19083290844581624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847009035427342,0.0,0.1382346279957712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853931546640436,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fml2worthless,2019/01/24,"Hopeless. Planned to kill myself tomorrow. I've been struggling with anxiety (generalized/social idk) from around puberty and it got worse every passing year. Failures at school like dropping out of college made me more and more insecure. In the same week after confessing to a girl I realized I would never get a gf because of the stress/panic I got from just talking to her (I didn't fear rejection at all, just the conversation itself) This got me into a depresion and quickly suicidal thoughts. I lost all interest in things I used to enjoy, lost all motivation to do stuff and don't see myself having a good future in any way.

I hate how skinny I am, my weak ass social skills. I feel like the most worthless person ever for not even being kissed by a girl while being 21 years old. I realize I'm just not good enough for anyone.  I'm only comfortable around my 2 best friends and am now losing that aswell. I have a horrible relationship with my parents and barely talk to them anymore. I was also abused by an older cousin when I was around 10. It wasn't forced rape or anything, I didn't think much of it at the time but I do believe it damaged my confidence over time.

At the moment I got a job and despite having somewhat of a friendship with some of them I get crushed by my insecureties every single day. After a conversation all that goes through my head is what I should've said/should not have said, focus on how awkward I was, on how that person must hate me.. I pretty much never leave a conversation with a somewhat good feeling. I have zero confidence, feel like a burden to everyone and feel ashamed for just being alive. Anxiety makes me scared of every aspect of the future, makes me overthink and stress about the smallest issues. And at the same time depression made me not care about myself at all anymore.

Back in november 2018 I wrote my suicide note and finished it a few weeks ago. First I planned to take my own life on valentines day but that's right after my dad's bday so since about 2 week I changed that to friday 25 january, after I get home from work and when I'm home alone. I'm gonna try to hang myself from a belt on the doorknob. Some moments the 'deadline' scares the shit out of me but I feel too numb to even care when I'm at my worst. I have no on to talk to so why not share my story anonimously on the internet right?

I hope my English is understandable and thanks for your interest if you are reading right untill this last sentence.",5.236342592592597,6.06082934979424,5.775100308641977,80.7085763888889,68.25925925925925,8.626440329218108,30.002314814814817,8.751876143730069,2.2969425925925924,1968,72,375,31,32,636,244,486,0.196,0.667,0.138,-0.9854,2,1,0,0,1,4,42.0,0,2,2,10,26,43,5,8,28,0,26,9,4,9,9,76,64,29,3,4,14,3,5,3,2,3,3,1,2,4,16,23,1,0,12,1,0,2,12,25,0,2,18,7,56,18,69,40,22,67,1,8,1,3,26,27,2,8,39,266,72,6,0.0,0.09092882351868517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802872561821129,0.0,0.0,0.07948340564529018,0.0,0.0613719687213545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218839829955197,0.0,0.11741755483373227,0.0,0.15221840522481692,0.05366103149495609,0.0,0.06315358740003174,0.2049546897248936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590112254612257,0.0,0.04678229261034821,0.0,0.0,0.08646395361717228,0.08053785659748927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649078556459914,0.0,0.08118473753380448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898677136537752,0.0,0.06609930050205756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929683393730264,0.0,0.10137707850668316,0.06941913767716329,0.19397981978257006,0.07333196529361465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635808232435441,0.19401979133633546,0.10965153563896254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527821536434789,0.0,0.0,0.05929204978866485,0.0,0.12028636404301772,0.0,0.0,0.19310711083918014,0.24551602850134224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515371779638504,0.07876125319141118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396052620779646,0.0762238842425498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080100561893931,0.07615635440834351,0.0,0.08490561592107028,0.0,0.0,0.06255641905272613,0.0,0.0812605762433687,0.0,0.0,0.05420639749514365,0.11247939519295144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585665334090799,0.16754979093389274,0.0,0.0,0.1452336299912519,0.10245413077524164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283100898282468,0.0,0.11837905995837555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052968161970821,0.0,0.0,0.058367098695597315,0.0,0.0,0.08521487954173104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401940745339325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807600852660826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676454243085629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239409323092921,0.0,0.19661629224384147,0.14600180734758608,0.0,0.15366781261950502,0.07766879692385856,0.06115485220705603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877638166150386,0.06348324329447802,0.0,0.0,0.07823061350643744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581946874324403,0.0802292559417408,0.08785326098735509,0.1678904665152962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770176752505535,0.1850512167628686,0.0,0.07065535668583224,0.0,0.0,0.05098515368852878,0.04917431190615118,0.0,0.060925984570811276,0.1342497361613798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210398527525379,0.0,0.0,0.07989297574364408,0.0,0.06628198079454126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060915636050042875,0.18467768031356874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924931973367977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587038183216052,0.0,0.0782084625946875,0.05451657550098972,0.0,0.0,0.09884094923757518
suicidewatch,castiel65,2019/01/24,"This isn't life I'm tired of it all. 

Of my stupid fucking face. 

Of my inability to speak when I want

Of me being afraid of everyone and everything

Of my stupid looks , my stupid hair, my stupid cold allergy, my stupid dick

Of people looking at me like I just shat infront of them

Of people making fun of me

Of people never giving me a chance

Of people only using me 

Of my friends that are long gone

Of all those happy people

Of my boring family that doesn't understand

Of every girl and guy in love

Of people who have sex

Of my virginity

Of having never experience love

Of nobody ever liking me


Why does everybody always have someone. Why am I always alone. In the millions and millions of people, why am I the only one like this



I can't go on like this, I don't want to fucking die but this isn't life",3.0139720279720272,4.460958993939396,4.878787878787882,82.69048951048953,74.21212121212122,7.258741258741258,22.389277389277392,7.882392219407189,1.0830326340326342,634,16,125,9,13,217,86,165,0.135,0.7340000000000001,0.131,-0.1978,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,18,7,1,3,0,12,12,3,2,5,15,27,5,1,2,2,0,1,4,1,0,3,1,0,2,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,9,0,3,1,5,22,9,27,25,2,11,0,0,2,7,9,4,3,0,9,87,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158172148656693,0.0,0.0,0.19535751034112184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183337321202385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027296963832672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618692284736836,0.09890702019852524,0.11217217616692747,0.10550350369632464,0.1148309696192692,0.11066583165057756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069603177226554,0.21705226282107856,0.0,0.11261218914643005,0.06671603733282039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623559280248527,0.0,0.12496495249340185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583353643541862,0.22940534380817654,0.0,0.0,0.10388738258422464,0.19715782771156545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190000648281865,0.0,0.07835943548174984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810784248718672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795472116050071,0.1785623622937343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696891979337847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946505324181416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492373969683594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220822002702345,0.0,0.10138817358309073,0.0,0.0,0.13848056212886736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177814829387614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuttholeBurfers,2019/01/24,"A quick question Was feeling suicidal a few weeks ago but I'm all good now!

Just curious, using the ""hibachi"" method, do you have to use a certain kind of charcoal or is it just normal charcoal?",3.743333333333332,5.382762105263161,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,72.6842105263158,7.171929824561403,33.719298245614034,7.793537801064563,2.5823403508771925,152,8,28,2,3,50,34,38,0.064,0.6779999999999999,0.257,0.8043,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,2,2,11,8,2,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821866560216472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609608165423629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670060790081019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314991310851732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119027954189647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35661043749226834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482091491008549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.549882137139303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255350841750738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3456sim,2019/01/24,"Checking out I’ve lost hope that things will improve. I search for a way to go but nothing seems plausible. Too many things have been lost and I still can’t find a method to leave. Ive been depressed and angry for so long. Feel too old for anything to improve. Tired of meds and the talking cure. Maybe jumping but I’m afraid I’ll live. Also the gore and shame. If I had a gun I think I would have used it. Feel abandoned. Divorced and missing my old life. Had a breakdown. I wish I had one of those pills the spies took when they got caught. Is there a way to hire a hit man, or is it just stupid. Just some thoughts. I need a way through or out.",-0.33604575163398565,1.9003317352941205,0.5449019607843155,104.61316993464054,91.94117647058823,3.3163398692810464,18.58496732026144,4.4756072100314475,-0.9482552287581698,500,15,121,1,18,152,89,136,0.249,0.675,0.076,-0.9799,0,0,1,1,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,9,9,1,2,10,0,13,3,0,1,0,27,31,13,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,6,0,1,4,1,8,0,1,11,2,11,1,12,17,1,14,0,5,0,0,4,2,0,6,5,72,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782866778976895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153951407594056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767499562179833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164572828991264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146096210243067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908440797033799,0.0,0.12784332773669602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587629952157034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925367429844956,0.0,0.0,0.11290385043613364,0.0,0.0,0.14114681328381073,0.14145854641480782,0.0,0.0,0.34898125332716423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205860220861126,0.16058664018244898,0.0,0.1775527037040199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852367172235655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337640329609434,0.0,0.3354626593687787,0.0,0.10831568420614107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551765764771882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276531015877535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847803866872148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238895896111373,0.10242276582296914,0.0,0.12689974924589542,0.0,0.18371928928800016,0.0,0.0,0.17759461986277614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380554914557459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38063458445650206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381483785367544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354990501269467,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,falester,2019/01/24,"I don't know where I should be  I have some thoughts that always mix in my head. On one hand I have this constant feeling of being such a useless, worthless person. When I am with people I understand from their words and actions that I am nothing but a burden in their lives, which makes me think that I do not belong in a world where they seem to be always pushing me out of everything or feeling bad because of me, even if I try my best. On the other hand, I feel guilty for letting them go, even if no one can stand me, there's something that tells me how selfish and disappointing it would be to commit suicide. I am afraid that they'll hate me even more for that, or that I wouldn't be able to help if I no longer exist. Every word I say is a problem, I can't keep locking myself in the bathroom to cry my lungs out.",8.439899749373431,5.028865771929826,8.152347535505433,80.12421052631579,63.7953216374269,10.473182957393485,36.124477861319974,6.868970318607317,2.388696908939014,641,20,140,3,7,206,105,171,0.23,0.645,0.125,-0.9741,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,5,1,10,10,1,1,6,0,20,4,4,2,1,31,32,10,1,7,7,0,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,1,8,0,0,3,6,9,0,2,1,6,30,1,19,21,3,17,0,3,0,0,9,11,0,7,2,110,41,0,0.17089038541010956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28438898080911945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268633372127426,0.10417319279879124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793389163889718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467179670668232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771506397870388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386144635733029,0.0,0.14398252014990362,0.0,0.15358525933094486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592219406347416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712094419904244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871887604671446,0.17538283730815682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454422312567313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518952264914191,0.0,0.0,0.09391688665172264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474699725968176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089934117412412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407065924683825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639739337401818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315994956636528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847387613718018,0.14921489299066418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163519019586807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358988935159494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557218868334954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155976763754598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692634500674568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936572914707205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949965871946722,0.0,0.1356678773743419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602335415395525,0.0,0.0,0.1779029179850585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139562671065493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thetinyowl2245,2019/01/24,"i'm a terrible person so many things have gone wrong in my family's life for the past few years and i feel like it's all because of me. i wondered if it would be better if my parents divorced, and then they did. i self harmed for the first time in months and prayed to god to give me a reason to feel bad, and my grandma died the same night. i wished for my grandad to die because living with him and caring for him was putting a strain on everyone, and then he did. i was standoffish and mean to my dad and then he got ill too. i feel like my entire life is going to be a string of bad things happening. i can't seem to cope with any minor thing going wrong anymore and i'm nearly 21, i'm a fully grown adult, why can't i deal with anything? the only reason i'm living is because i don't want to cause harm to my family, but feel if i carry on, that things will be bad anyway.

i have felt suicidal before. i've started thinking about death a lot. i'm also transgender which will make everything in my future harder. i'm struggling to see the point anymore but also worry i'm just doing it for attention. please tell my these thoughts are irrational. i need someone to push me over the edge. ",3.172811244979921,4.1393150562249055,4.400983935742972,88.14838353413656,73.13654618473895,7.3004016064257025,24.275100401606426,7.594959193182576,1.0074112449799193,935,26,201,11,18,308,138,249,0.198,0.755,0.047,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,8,14,0,2,12,0,19,3,0,4,1,40,49,20,4,7,6,2,5,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,10,12,0,0,13,0,0,6,3,10,0,1,8,6,27,4,29,35,4,25,1,0,1,0,14,8,0,6,13,125,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677435939048888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132140025239707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802381675917306,0.0,0.0,0.0863065821349622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627090612706583,0.19180002019813164,0.0,0.08924440915331862,0.0,0.0,0.09275706158228847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693125595656224,0.10773974983772354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812577081966936,0.0,0.0,0.2176959432619845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021649673900186,0.0942585933110689,0.0,0.19774140675000898,0.0,0.21212014387349595,0.1498513331776953,0.1007004055402634,0.0,0.0,0.08921012863893163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060961168811204,0.11921044533992052,0.0,0.08388141573446928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274426230056593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815845275806686,0.10247728391864834,0.0,0.185220374567212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916448005422738,0.0,0.0,0.07000762915342404,0.10633096952235843,0.0,0.11424411156219147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371351555418725,0.0,0.0,0.07776654095390094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842195244141354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976529924804371,0.0,0.0,0.11645585473558742,0.0,0.10011899043984512,0.0,0.09157640502500923,0.0,0.11512578269308232,0.09914467137751606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543248665083796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566641254028746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835750824656574,0.09547801480100876,0.10941179881209356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888637407641902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423398322959784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964243129534833,0.0,0.11472073823926787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166897643443607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787081168713129,0.06720230733015102,0.0,0.08326230873008998,0.061155860168936385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186042420337096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463709580783196,0.0,0.12060581576790776,0.0,0.11373693529526642,0.0,0.106509840590297,0.0,0.07450312001105218,0.229337714095164,0.0,0.06753871676073721
suicidewatch,sniperbullet1997,2019/01/24,"I scored under 70 IQ as a child I think I was like 10 years old don't remember, my teacher wanted to send me to some ''special school'' but my parents denied. I'm 21 year old now soon 22 and the latest IQ test I took I scored 90. The guy that was presenting the test to me was shocked becuase he said my IQ points have gone up tremendously and he has never seen anything like this. This latest test I scored 90 on was done like 4+ years ago. Anyway, is it unusual for someone to gain that many IQ points? I mean from listening to him and from reading online you only go up a few points as you get older but not 20 and I can only imagine what my IQ is now probably in the hundred. I also feel like I have ADHD and I wanna get prescribed medication to help me with that becuase I'm sure it will make me even better.",1.6372286821705444,3.2581290406976784,3.4947906976744214,90.4300542635659,78.36046511627906,6.214573643410852,22.513178294573642,7.03164865440522,0.6198429457364343,633,19,139,7,15,213,104,172,0.038,0.813,0.14800000000000002,0.962,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,6,8,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,1,2,20,28,10,0,2,3,1,1,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,8,6,0,0,5,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,4,22,7,18,18,2,26,0,0,1,0,12,8,0,1,18,84,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678955538053473,0.0,0.13039818151458554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763843941672053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105346496277805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010089643850226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505377280291086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716032870233594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437983804101933,0.1050906122205442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537107840810122,0.0,0.0836021836989615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456553741846804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860022740081403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874689274319318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819258129813194,0.14913963657377632,0.0,0.16023859610813113,0.0,0.14819107798022926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345511772931062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087202926625866,0.0,0.0,0.22375734547497605,0.0,0.0,0.16334078331244736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171804411421282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860221545168424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714308767094172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666393395286274,0.0,0.13992890505412842,0.0,0.0,0.14887637225686265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464013129656305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864309997109758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425784169146027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343715608318998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676532552494448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28418906695581914
suicidewatch,andy-moron,2019/01/24,"Hey guys I feel like plenty of people on this sub aren’t genuine with their posts. Well, here’s a genuine one. Bye guys.",0.4462666666666699,2.7569621600000005,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,87.4,3.333333333333334,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.1908666666666663,94,2,21,0,3,29,23,25,0.0,0.805,0.195,0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835101702405766,0.2592798888408845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7187227941621714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731106036698094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593324993709584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25161251156933645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34759013504574343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32632095902687824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Veest117,2019/01/24,"Hey, Tim from Slovenia Hey, it's Micha, I hope you're still out there, contact me please. Im miss and love you!",-1.7487499999999976,0.09245495833333807,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,103.58333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.7884666666666669,85,2,22,0,4,26,21,24,0.059,0.586,0.355,0.8439,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528458664170081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924875341000885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114987166556626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004792023599424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641099067876922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HispanicTortoise,2019/01/24,"Cold Water I can see him there, in a coat, by the cold water, the trees are dead, the water almost frozen, the depths urging him to join them.

He goes down the hill, to the river, a gathering of rocks lay, long abandoned in the snow.

He gathers them, by the handfulls, stuffing them into his waistline, imprisoned in there by the cheap belt.

He wonders whether its enough, whether it will make him sink, whether the cold or the water will get him first.

He dismisses the thought.

He walks back to the lake, heavier now than before, the pebbles cutting his side.

He looks down into the depths, wondering if the deep water warning sign holds true still.

He holds still. A train rattles past, reminding him of his past ventures, he holds his gase on the towering warehouses now, still, but a hive inside.

He wonders how long it will take for them to find him, if they will at all.

He thought to himself whether bodies float in the cold or whether they retreat down to the mud and rocks below. 

He wades in, up to his ankles now.

He continues, the water seeping through his trousers, enveloping them.

He sighs a sharp sigh as the cold cuts his belly.

Drop off. 

His legs slip, his instinct kicks in, his arms in a frenzy, he stops, he remembers the pain, and the stress and the emptiness.

He sinks, gulping great mouthfuls of murky water, gagging at the mud.

He is completely under now.

His body groans.

His body is still.

His body sinks now.

He is at peace in oblivion. ",4.021969960474308,6.03513471636364,3.6192252964426888,90.41040316205532,72.74545454545455,6.3826086956521735,27.22924901185771,7.079830092131019,1.2392213438735178,1137,42,222,11,23,339,141,275,0.107,0.836,0.058,-0.9127,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,7,1,13,9,2,1,31,0,9,16,7,2,2,33,19,15,1,2,10,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,8,5,7,2,1,1,0,5,2,1,2,9,28,2,38,13,2,44,0,1,2,0,47,25,0,8,17,138,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503404019514971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601330815076907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625073080392564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547864860134544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130918345869526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901869589549889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412414653474932,0.10620991783042392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523669379247382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766386043687548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100280154806096,0.10485496695438548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334821004442622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286492922836055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383951219467336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144745447241572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950106312787713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988686974693749,0.10439254690864848,0.14303218327876904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388277472508036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982573751100949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40623158164764944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pricklypointycacti,2019/01/24,"I stay alive because I’m guilted into remaining on this earth to avoid causing pain to my loved ones. I wish I had the inner strength to actually follow through on my plan - take a Greyhound bus to a different state and and kill myself there. No one would be able to identify me, I would be a Jane Doe and my loved ones would just think I got kidnapped or something. ",4.516438356164387,5.450436260273976,4.9752328767123295,85.39682191780824,69.95890410958904,8.031780821917808,31.03835616438357,8.238735603445708,2.1155720547945203,289,12,59,4,5,92,52,73,0.14800000000000002,0.657,0.195,0.5994,1,1,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,2,4,0,6,3,0,1,0,13,14,4,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,2,0,10,3,9,7,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,0,40,11,0,0.2033122227075416,0.0,0.19840340122184688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393724388669188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885765764991074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241799992862184,0.0,0.0,0.17791989618826085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260735742422794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493485121402115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669944376654046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133088716049321,0.0,0.21633853953835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651968197676516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670377785423345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286548895776214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027426292324992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379902234952246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332815090963831,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrNoFeeling,2019/01/24,"So i don't feel anything and I don't have anything to lose i just want to see what will be your reaction to my suicide lol First of all english isn't my native language.

Well i just want to post my story here, because i see, you guys like people sharing their story before suicide. So let's begin...

I'm a male medical school student/psychopath/atheist. And no I'm not that kind of person who want to kill or hurt you. I'm just a regular person who just living life like it is. I don't find joy nor sadness in anything. I just hope something will trigger the happiness/sadness in me but that's not happening any soon. So i always explore new things hoping i will change lol but that's not happening.

So i said why not try to suicide and I've done more crazy things in the past (cliff jumping, swimming in freezing water and swimming alone in open ocean). And i like this idea so why not try it, it only requires a rope and I'm out. But i won't do it until next week because i need to pass some exams for Tuesday and Wednesday.
",1.568939802336029,3.6783786792452853,3.0971428571428565,90.83833333333334,80.60377358490565,5.170170709793351,25.189577717879605,6.18269132825596,0.7732539982030548,808,32,165,6,21,265,118,212,0.141,0.7340000000000001,0.125,-0.8086,0,1,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,3,1,3,13,13,1,0,5,2,14,3,0,1,1,37,31,18,4,6,14,0,2,3,0,4,2,1,0,4,13,9,1,1,4,2,0,5,12,4,1,1,2,5,21,9,17,23,3,23,0,3,2,0,12,7,0,4,13,105,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390873343375546,0.0,0.0,0.0995482765713869,0.0,0.0,0.08135784168700907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953552743370503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458602478697155,0.0,0.10180300002035267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656098364554236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243105962527935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604924925156158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934682899678053,0.10176389550680448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846028258177756,0.21159071422954254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376547627071939,0.0,0.0,0.12807479461324014,0.1350565721572191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236155704176372,0.1245844121375044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223378090369974,0.08450375274059413,0.17534703354245754,0.0,0.10564241488473368,0.0,0.0,0.13384415383267234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205225490092665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887099510817742,0.0,0.11554698264595052,0.12723621250453726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909899772771376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142078667166147,0.08294182253217637,0.20892631484866891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457999093560454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380299372307122,0.0,0.0,0.1210798930421666,0.1906717564197334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921030631861237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39259317512797176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896414518683405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624524960875353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116965138605756,0.0,0.09596626815941443,0.0,0.1075687965726557,0.0,0.2159091052953108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nilTheSadBoi,2019/01/24,"Need help I need help. I have roommates who depend on me for rent, and I have bills to pay. If I go to a crisis center or anything I will likely lose my job and that would make my life more miserable than it already is. I have already attempted twice and I don't know if I am ready or not but i really want to die... How do I get help",0.08611969111969131,1.6620479594594606,2.565289575289576,95.49959459459463,82.91891891891892,5.850193050193052,18.679536679536678,6.868970318607317,-0.05529498069498029,255,6,63,3,7,88,51,74,0.133,0.741,0.126,0.1268,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,3,0,17,16,9,1,6,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,13,1,6,14,1,3,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,5,1,44,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138450794675579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159093318661144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416302898849668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163878403638477,0.0,0.13231690969149576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46816279697428004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310378176422882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795172361725193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644475746879543,0.11374403881329047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260465905597244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540908547058885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34526599903478483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149150384206458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373232041782172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538857101200444,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostbottlecapd,2019/01/24,i hate being alive. there is truly little joy left. i am dying i cant do it anymore.,-2.3980701754385976,-0.6666658947368411,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,102.68421052631581,2.533333333333333,11.596491228070176,3.1291,-1.542908771929825,64,1,14,0,3,24,17,19,0.156,0.464,0.38,0.6494,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43405179158834495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542331530421378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321092675376914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755305649734717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386610850991873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avalonk,2019/01/24,"An interesting title I dislike being around people. And I dislike being a human. I think humans are weird creatures who trap themselves in the cages they build with their own hands. I’m aware that there are many beautiful and good things in life and I do appreciate them but I do not wish to participate. I just don’t have a will to live. I don’t know if I ever did. I don’t know if the only reason I lived this long is because I don’t know how to kill myself in a way that ensures certain death, or never worked up the courage to.",2.621929292929291,4.175305536363638,4.08757575757576,87.52580808080809,75.45454545454545,6.343434343434343,23.131313131313128,6.937597516519254,0.6711010101010095,419,12,88,4,9,139,73,110,0.187,0.682,0.132,-0.8093,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,3,1,5,6,1,0,7,0,14,2,1,2,3,21,20,8,2,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,1,15,4,10,16,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,3,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923102180674755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327518289721575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260265566939135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713624593447449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600314557350539,0.0,0.3875073447586253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601220423297414,0.0,0.0,0.4150805043971516,0.20799862012853887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382886470535823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812735173968902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787547440319707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629437076473434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165517294713826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614684129761472,0.15060096756865854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655988001835466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702787042686122,0.0,0.0,0.1711083131862036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YonemuriShiroku,2019/01/24,"Tonight I’ll die. “Tonight I’ll die.

I look at my dad deeper in his eyes. 

I kiss my mother louder on her cheeks.

I hug my brother tighter around his hips.

I text my friends longer on the phone.

I see the night sky brighter. 

Tonight, I’ll die.”

That was what I posted on my Facebook, right after I’d reached home from an extra class at 8 p.m. I’d had bad days. The only one who messaged me was a friend I barely saw in a week, when we came across each other at the hallway and I’d give her a hug. ",-0.4013888888888886,1.5456420092592609,1.1403703703703734,102.9166666666667,87.24074074074073,3.6,19.185185185185183,3.1291,-0.92557037037037,379,11,95,0,12,121,70,108,0.133,0.6990000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,0,3,6,3,0,0,5,8,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,4,18,5,12,3,2,22,0,0,4,3,14,12,0,0,8,50,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655645644930072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749772486918878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396854726963755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515149123498446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524832702232265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238173681910728,0.0,0.0,0.20103295592466788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020985351164392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759810425006683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666168763786565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420060404271661,0.15938292195938028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070445448923688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896657456555912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699543500677505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809965983613973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxrad0nxx,2019/01/24,"I feel like the universe is trying to pull a funny cruel joke that is my life When I was a kid I used to be teased for being fat and everyone called me gay since most of the friends were girls since I didn't know any guy my age and the one friend I had moved somewhere else. Now used to tell them I wasn't and my whole life I thought of myself as straight and a normal person, I though I'd get a girlfriend get married have kids... well guess what the world pulled a funny on me, I was gay apparently and still very fat, being fat at my age is my fault but being gay isn't. Now I just feel like I'm not myself and I'm in a nightmare that won't end. Calling myself gay doesn't even feel right, I'm not homophobic I don't care what your sexual orientation is but now maybe if I stabbed myself I'd wake up as a kid again and avoid all this crap. I really want to die the only thing stopping me is if anyone gets hurt because of me dying, I'll wait til I have nothing to lose and do the deed. I'd rather have someone try to pump me with drugs and do everything they could to make me straight than be who I am to be honest.",3.0660655737704907,3.320479991803282,4.285368852459019,91.500512295082,72.85245901639344,7.247540983606559,23.44672131147541,6.9077264865688965,0.478693442622951,874,20,210,7,16,288,135,244,0.112,0.757,0.131,-0.0977,1,1,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,2,1,11,15,3,1,13,0,28,12,5,3,1,35,46,18,2,6,8,0,3,2,3,1,6,0,0,6,7,10,3,3,5,1,0,3,8,7,1,1,7,3,33,8,21,31,3,22,0,2,0,4,17,8,1,4,13,132,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054845935548764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310352276774676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116870145487892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271927760372089,0.0,0.1357581378036475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631166355570472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27638313606510884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441495662446947,0.0,0.11123206552489323,0.0,0.11793384508597875,0.0,0.0,0.08794615826348598,0.0,0.0,0.12723319157514554,0.11966913682469245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019781456691594,0.19024875147694734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574702176435866,0.0,0.2087005024191763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668280372937614,0.13184219074863213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254280956854792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317728802772984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880994987515667,0.13010344924427686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896390651452776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888051749600663,0.0,0.1337698688212748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152033734194255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130461457641296,0.1277636877257481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902277726906806,0.10126869258567378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626387534434347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530108322081982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371175029285514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029071833974734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281992207510574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633598557527428,0.1113216898961744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638140246066908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846079333572253,0.0,0.13082193456152896,0.10570843745650137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808040003785955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000250781895545,0.0,0.10986499196908972,0.07853696207407118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197203441292016,0.0,0.0,0.14866032855678424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emkill,2019/01/24,"What's the cleanest way to go? I don't wanna make a mess, so... ",-3.2360000000000007,-1.714231599999998,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,98.33333333333331,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.5903333333333332,46,1,13,0,2,17,15,15,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.2755,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805605943682438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644288599098942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6711792437503242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jyoung1224,2019/01/24,"HELP: How to Save My Best Friend’s Life My best friend (18) and I go to a university. She has been really struggling with her depression and anxiety lately. She talks about everywhere  she goes she thinks of ways to kill herself. She used to cut her arms but she knew that I would notice. Now she started cutting her leg. I took away every single thing that could be used to hurt herself (scissors, long straps, knives, etc). She drinks during the week and I can smell it strongly always. Tried to find her stash and take it away but couldn’t find it because she drank it all before I could find it. She recently just lost her grandma, the woman that practically raised her over Christmas, but she’s been struggling since we started school. She has no motivation to get up. No purpose. Doesn’t like her classes or future career. Always says she not going to live past 22 years old. However, I pushed her to go to the doctor and she got Prozac but it’ll take a little while before it kicks it. I don’t personally suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts, so I’m not sure the best ways to help her besides be there for her and talk to her even though it’s difficult. I’m the only person person she can turn to and I feel like I have her life in my hands. I don’t know what to do anymore because she’s getting worse. ",2.37376923076923,4.714642376923082,3.150769230769232,90.2842307692308,79.07692307692308,6.0,21.923076923076927,7.1686216300943375,0.6697692307692305,1038,31,210,13,26,327,145,260,0.187,0.705,0.108,-0.976,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,6,9,21,3,2,7,0,18,9,3,4,2,37,41,17,2,4,9,0,2,2,2,2,4,1,0,4,14,9,2,0,9,1,0,5,8,11,0,0,8,4,44,10,24,26,6,25,0,5,0,0,42,6,0,2,14,137,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554803409424165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610072136648666,0.0,0.0986558650388184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869265062131958,0.0,0.0,0.12128224676001433,0.0,0.16929762220624475,0.0,0.31318940305264265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885085238179056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136124005136086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018203812770046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745098278041593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094473766004594,0.06570456023641512,0.0,0.08381486190827381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029927969792325,0.07106740532013536,0.0,0.0,0.2727644294556173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371356579872367,0.0,0.10394674047036907,0.0,0.16960764094076788,0.0,0.07956198245843316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335658014144328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649370936141304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005813617578496,0.0,0.05467073973544703,0.0,0.11221599420155058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052910428599236,0.09720026532853272,0.09970351383866767,0.08784127010272487,0.08803527401625864,0.0,0.0,0.10859245002102696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325684400724748,0.10438587094325542,0.0,0.0,0.07565782341650028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496341104144804,0.0,0.2605821658972832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372842511121714,0.0,0.09822294161828324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910923479925024,0.0,0.1006774750494933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228957954770913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082267972751578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799289375455268,0.0,0.1088132488405345,0.0,0.09375723646759644,0.0,0.14959078781690033,0.159913976580893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608904401343506,0.06374175674255553,0.09773704558975728,0.07897475607233774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105241883200644,0.06753931933143076,0.1082039583552202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183483540282718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792268379190774,0.0797955905432434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101377011790911,0.0706666175757218,0.0,0.0,0.06406084293084634
suicidewatch,finallysetready,2019/01/24,"Finally have a date set In my early 20's. Was going to graduate and start working, but I have been having suicidal thoughts for far too long. It haunts me every day and night. My life has been going downhill, and will continue to as long as I live. Now I have a date to look forward to. To anyone who is suffering, I hope happiness and joy replaces all your suffering.",2.3662035225048927,4.559279945205482,4.156594911937379,83.83630136986301,78.31506849315069,8.007045009784736,26.866927592954998,8.841846274778883,2.347698238747554,288,12,56,7,7,97,53,73,0.189,0.6559999999999999,0.155,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,8,16,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,1,8,3,9,11,1,17,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,12,39,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800517099561134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606778653748322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695693178586134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208136252932897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29268916870787537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741161610097586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557580485320704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188160547153828,0.0,0.0,0.2273793932455195,0.4557631547588243,0.21623721598330245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164861863020515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226156927264975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816659011134558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442819299449114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874648605241036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leShadok,2019/01/24,"I love you all, I just want to go to the wilderness with a rope. I'm tired of being this broken, my life isn't going anywhere and I feel like everybody I know is aware of that. Anxiety doesn't let me eat or sleep well. depression and anxiety meds make my life miserable and drain me of all my energy. I fail non stop at university and my anxiety does not allow me to go to class, or live really. I know most of you guys have it worse but I'm weak and cannot take it no more. Life taught me I'm not suited for it. I don't think I have the balls to end it, but I sure hope it. I love everybody.",0.9196599583622458,2.182035511450384,3.376682859125605,92.06482997918111,79.38167938931298,7.81707147814018,19.54267869535045,8.575989854853784,0.7377267175572517,456,10,114,10,11,159,76,131,0.171,0.66,0.16899999999999998,0.57,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,2,10,0,1,3,0,9,9,1,2,3,26,26,9,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,4,1,0,3,7,4,1,0,1,1,20,6,12,23,4,6,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,4,3,69,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39108355064800704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467716315066025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491246514832126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436929770702878,0.0,0.0,0.1509303640392846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616309432236156,0.12173907031311115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905393328082985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873010314317022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925298399642208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730288516211466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425309721739046,0.3610913279578497,0.08325244098879933,0.0,0.15047284348228185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075986372835013,0.0,0.11374825311506084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928418979314865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916733473819648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053045176395162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424682046892367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606069442281697,0.0,0.12812514650141327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919017193617184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958582217943712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051069112295348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532167047479496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736596842244656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mosh17,2019/01/24,"Ive come here a few times. It's funny because I've posted my problems here before and no one seemed to care then and I assume no one will care now.  Just trying to figure out how.  I know most ways I would do it but the internet won't tell me the things I want to know.  So like Hollywood undead said "" if I survive then i'll see you tomorrow """,0.061891891891892925,2.0567943108108118,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,85.62162162162161,5.321621621621622,17.35810810810811,6.6274283507984215,-0.18785945945945934,265,6,61,3,8,90,56,74,0.071,0.7709999999999999,0.158,0.7383,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,17,14,8,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,2,9,3,4,10,2,9,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,6,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797999727367955,0.0,0.20656495358379331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950057966180762,0.0,0.0,0.20911024523945185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266821439514056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859687120390135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289914786723381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232490304848706,0.0,0.0,0.23228187043654885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309137266230192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344273993255812,0.22099324633054304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121768527787827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612743301545192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141551247153991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648133763601481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318202983775286,0.192686060336766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244479147698522,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bhurting,2019/01/24,"Dont want to live anymore I am a 48 year old that just does not want to live anymore. I have been dealing with depression for over 40 years now. My life has completely went to hell. I have tried to kill myself many many times, but this time it will work. I have weighed all of my pros and cons and to be honest way to many cons. I have access to what i need now and i am just waiting for house to be empty to carry it out. I live in so much psyical pain everyday and i cant get the past out of my head. It is a reminder that i need not be on this earth anymore.",0.5774120234604112,2.011741975806455,2.414428152492672,97.83027859237538,80.85483870967742,5.799413489736072,20.14369501466276,6.574015621080383,-0.08987741935483884,431,11,109,4,11,143,75,124,0.14,0.8240000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,3,0,15,4,1,0,1,18,22,6,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,14,1,19,16,2,16,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,9,73,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43251080336447695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242010012542434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987246726579873,0.12520895669504728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721628722159187,0.0,0.1703752634300056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759510314131997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919392890979352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774012648528952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083292116981907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268076099160364,0.0,0.0,0.3850992364796214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421541126118293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686537384120444,0.21558345018277034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254378400379778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468638624816333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387743181263028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695355248207554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869825529795967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714887085878994,0.11538977233206354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476158683299086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583277230204552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723000150961774
suicidewatch,hahhkeelial,2019/01/24,I want to swerve my whole family into oncoming traffic Suicide only leaves others to suffer? I'll take them with me,4.194545454545455,6.632443000000002,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,73.54545454545455,8.036363636363637,24.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.4110181818181826,94,3,14,2,2,32,20,22,0.304,0.6459999999999999,0.049,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866528094252722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342895075300669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119374698076709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486374044626053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083816699382028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191702894792316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579176996044338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,getbentmk2,2019/01/24,"I'm out title. fuck it, right?",-4.877142857142856,-5.7747808571428525,-0.7392857142857139,106.59678571428572,143.28571428571428,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-3.0926571428571425,22,0,6,0,2,8,7,7,0.412,0.588,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.734555970878236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785481012036891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emilyjronson,2019/01/24,"Burden not doing well in school. And don't tell me that bs ""grades don't define ur intelligence"" they define ur life. Mom says I'm useless and that there is no point of me going there after missing the metro. I'm done. I'm doing it now. 
I have to deal with the fact that I'm an attention seeker and no one seems to give a shit.
 My social anxiety is the worst.  
My deadbeat dad doesn't give a shit about me. Mom is deluding herself in lies. She thinks that by saying a million postie affirmation and thinking happy thoughts is gonna make our miserable lives any better.
It's a simple fact that I'm better off sleeping forever than I am living in pain every day. I'm just a nuisance. I went to a consuler once and they just rushed me through to get to the next person. Even though they were probably busy. I can't blame anyone. I don't want to be the type of person to put the whole blame society or me or my parents. I just don't know. I wanted to visit psychiatrists but my mother says writing 'I am happy' 200 times is gonna somehow make the universe grant me happiness. (she's not against me going) I can't do this shit anymore. 
I try so hard in school. I wanna get outta here. But what if I'm being punished for feeling that?
Not only that I have to see the face of the person who assaulted me everyday and everyone just tells me to get over it.
I had a fight with my mom once and I tried TRIED SO FUCKING HARD to tell my father how much pain I was in and he just laughed at me while I was crying.  Mocking me. Then getting mad yelling me that it was a long time ago and that I should be happy with what I have.
I need to die .
this is too much.",1.1369636178170666,3.1118005202312164,2.9753553213192814,91.85617137028223,81.36994219653178,5.689085345120707,21.159129547772864,6.794906146795322,0.3782110846650797,1284,38,281,14,34,428,178,346,0.199,0.711,0.08900000000000001,-0.9891,1,0,0,0,2,1,32.0,1,0,3,2,18,24,9,1,18,0,31,9,5,3,2,44,63,20,1,6,13,7,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,3,18,12,0,0,7,0,0,6,12,16,1,2,8,8,44,8,34,49,4,26,0,3,1,1,34,9,4,5,11,189,62,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723176186338059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059248529395106914,0.0,0.06665099596597207,0.0,0.0864053788801206,0.060920382795652074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154111373874134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095703596511403,0.056188931104048136,0.08982287066864565,0.0,0.0,0.09042282153679193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915993940680854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057545766986537725,0.0,0.0734072413851912,0.08325243239620532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044053420625181625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054639507958025,0.1820785310667908,0.16715800627689031,0.09903119610566932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709881225401179,0.15609520110168776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788205930421937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153952679213455,0.0,0.0,0.15386734932688514,0.07710358834922817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116314291617935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061220401034083,0.0,0.0,0.12809497072562678,0.06460267425145133,0.0,0.0,0.09265927316138324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557225991470772,0.05903869464560725,0.06626309439358463,0.18541598092900247,0.0,0.09674288654059134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22822465511703624,0.0,0.0,0.08236203938356564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939363447595237,0.0,0.0,0.08758548994306155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078577914163361,0.0,0.17635191527482952,0.06942797971775047,0.07931605305707518,0.0,0.0,0.2683001346997753,0.0,0.0,0.08718871786165566,0.08881377767773335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284553594997249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165338501989497,0.08560065285002283,0.06916815049678447,0.10160750535125662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745809052026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277810443532408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833655457884314,0.08076648637360168,0.0,0.09727284052182036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Salty-man2000,2019/01/24,I thought this sub was for sucidal overwatch players Like getting themselves to die for the team or something,10.62842105263158,10.803362368421057,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,56.89473684210528,9.705263157894738,55.842105263157904,8.841846274778883,5.861273684210527,91,7,13,1,1,26,18,19,0.174,0.7140000000000001,0.112,-0.34,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6189390618169232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115792929266992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29135680259242913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591156198666998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734520494770484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Azman0456,2019/01/24,Im a useless peice of shit I let myself get walked over by the girl i love because im afraid if i dont let her i will never get to see her. She says im her best friend but i just dont know. I hate everything about myself and i hate myself for thinking that way. Plenty of people have it so much worse then me but im just stuck here feeling sorry for myself,-0.706666666666667,1.164540555555554,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,87.88888888888891,4.093827160493827,15.172839506172838,5.033348758259628,-1.035508641975309,279,5,67,1,9,96,54,81,0.14800000000000002,0.653,0.199,0.6516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,1,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,10,16,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,3,16,3,8,12,2,5,0,1,1,1,8,1,1,1,2,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101913682862496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669360735667648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34998482516023777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341918910069666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549657338168549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535798891930275,0.0,0.15601859046168898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948291408160796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6451298143492468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205790498504133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053630291372787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475980217758635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976141262097812,0.0,0.11515852745545024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351405820473893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873880075537492,0.0,0.0,0.11898223772678287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326650023403016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671424264978222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956730244308166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851682128581985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216156286636662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sometimesiaskwhyme,2019/01/24,"I don't have the strength to live anymore I'm extremely ugly guy and done with life. I also have a ton of medical conditions, one of which is seb derm (a skin condition) that covers most of my head and upper body. No matter what I do whether its lifting, skincare routines, etc. - doesn't make a difference. I've tried a ton of hobbies and while I enjoy some I'm not good at any of them. At this point it's not even about women anymore as even the majority of guys don't even want to associate with me because they care about their ""image"". Despite this, I've been trying to keep my head up, but it's pretty shitty when you're with the small amount of friends you have and their other friends (which are girls) come up to talk to them and completely ignore you. When it comes to girls in general, it's not like I'm not even trying either, it's just that 70% of the time girls in general won't make eye contact with me even when I ask them a simple question with a smile and/or reply with a short answer. In general I like to view myself as a friendly person regardless of whoever I'm talking to, but I rarely get the same courtesy back. Plus, I'm not extremely smart or anything which would give me the motivation to live. I can't really talk about this to anyone in real life either because even without hearing me out they'd assume that I'm an incel or something. I don't blame anyone for the dice roll that I got in life because the truth is that some people just get terrible luck. I don't have a specific date but I need to end it soon because the suffering is getting too much to bear.",5.339462348178137,5.210932575384618,6.076129554655871,81.96608097165996,67.86153846153846,9.180566801619433,30.33603238866397,8.841846274778883,2.2363846153846154,1257,43,258,19,19,413,168,325,0.102,0.775,0.123,0.8518,0,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,2,7,2,18,15,0,0,19,0,20,9,5,3,1,54,41,19,0,4,16,0,1,2,3,2,4,1,0,7,20,15,0,2,4,0,0,2,14,3,0,1,3,4,28,12,45,35,12,25,0,1,2,0,27,14,0,8,11,175,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279159157347768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040283450100675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534462716289126,0.14477887203237416,0.0,0.08519501856234336,0.0,0.09678504069692698,0.0,0.0,0.07960691792075816,0.0,0.25243970779247243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499666844690724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055540621672192,0.0,0.0,0.17836102911609036,0.10854751507563076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816510063929344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594545590013804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169539754463353,0.0,0.11546148716816206,0.4102770297338013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399572608764653,0.0,0.16226788436465825,0.09931383590089628,0.0,0.0868346759583351,0.08280108647285714,0.0,0.0,0.205018704936443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124999292639496,0.0,0.1166839852065376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202076263666696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937542573207194,0.10115745392414388,0.0,0.1828348760781886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821196756244886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042939303156777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610525625259136,0.07676496665962809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015349563483726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177352894155117,0.09039697011495787,0.0,0.0,0.09786776291472724,0.0,0.0,0.10532556058240213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597545605716947,0.0,0.0,0.11783793818979828,0.06632291799880331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970118897050123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24963652099815464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036821889367816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086688066884451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610637086756527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979764400136697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354357611298387,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justaproletariat,2019/01/24,"Rational Suicidal Thoughts I am concerned as my suicidal thoughts I have had since I was around 13, we're mostly always abrupt, irrational and part of heightened emotional response. 10 years later, my life has fallen apart, and I have begun to rationally weigh up pros, cons of living and dying, as well as calmly considering methods. ",10.162528735632186,10.040539620689657,9.446551724137931,61.77028735632186,57.96551724137932,12.560919540229886,41.74712643678161,11.855464076750405,5.401154022988505,270,13,39,7,3,86,46,58,0.211,0.698,0.091,-0.872,0,0,1,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,8,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,2,8,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113968466728856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616573859789985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636723909059902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857813771640768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794488812528714,0.0,0.0,0.22433812167030945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751203666362455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101596400778809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5557970605202406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033878020188036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284289108666757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360520697066955
suicidewatch,heatedblanket1234,2019/01/24,"Not suicidal but, I threw my life away and I think about that a lot. 

I became a stripper to pay for school and I did what we’re shouldn’t do and I let the money get to me. I quit making payments on my loan & it became too late & I defaulted on the loan & wasn’t allowed entry back to school till 24. I’m 25 & still don’t have my degree. I could be 25 finishing up my masters degree right now. 

I’m so upset I didn’t take my life more seriously. This seriously haunts me every day. I knew I would be haunted so I don’t know why I continued with my reckless behavior. ",-0.6807900000000018,1.4383713360000032,2.1832750000000023,93.32451250000004,91.64,5.365,18.2125,6.9077264865688965,0.16925000000000034,447,13,103,7,16,156,78,125,0.181,0.799,0.02,-0.9586,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,4,0,13,2,0,2,0,15,22,7,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,21,0,11,11,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,8,66,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7015508042963216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208360139273386,0.12446919067092745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924122000640484,0.0,0.0,0.10439372528428736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638371900779794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845711770043963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896034231002675,0.0,0.18259810101595086,0.0,0.0,0.1655245744199236,0.22866925310135655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761735950675175,0.0,0.0,0.10805048224991404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721702638884307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823737533005293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276451969244191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927078785791854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706114663094233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217072217699454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372072020060127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606384996066438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498886826570505,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hotashotgarbage,2019/01/24,"I can’t deal with this anymore. I just want to leave this. All of it I don’t know how this stupid Reddit thing goes but I’m rushing this down because i still have a shit ton of homework to do and several projects. I’m in the 10th grade, currently enrolled into a prestigious private college-prep lab school, taking exclusive honors classes and several AP classes which take up my whole schedule-including my free period and my electives. I thought I could handle this. I didn’t just waltz in and just carelessly chooses rigorous classes on the fly. I’ve been planning and scheduling the majority of my high school life since middle school. Starting right at the Climax-my parents are in the middle of getting their things situated for a divorce and every single day they screaming and go for each other’s throat-hearing your name being dropped by your own dad who’s supposed to love you but hates your guts and your mother who hates you because you look like him. I thought I could keep up with my school life but I find it hard to concentrate these first few weeks of 2nd semester and now I’m failing every single class. Even though I force myself to sleep 8 hours I still wake up in the middle of the nights and still find myself extremely tired. I’m fucking done trying to overachieve  when everyone who should be caring about me and loving me-friends and family-are the ones who are hurting me. Not to mention my fucking teachers could care less or in their words,”Suck it up, this is life. If you can’t handle it then opt out of it.” At this point I’m honestly looking forward to end all of this. Suicide is the only thing that I’m working towards now. But hopefully I wait until my last volleyball season. Then I’ll execute my plan to leave this shithole",5.871478609625665,6.720693949999998,5.8466844919786105,80.67098930481286,66.85294117647058,8.652406417112301,32.80748663101604,8.710501217029153,2.6638529411764704,1413,59,259,21,22,444,195,340,0.129,0.754,0.116,-0.413,2,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,0,8,3,6,13,19,6,0,12,0,18,12,4,1,2,45,46,24,1,7,10,3,1,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,25,17,0,2,6,0,1,3,5,10,0,2,5,4,37,10,40,35,11,47,0,2,2,4,25,23,3,3,23,177,62,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955366496088474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174476500502644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964362368061509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307426662078503,0.0,0.0,0.062126945016129774,0.0993152999634094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985823105072234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853226226271454,0.0,0.0,0.0636271705340569,0.0,0.16232975284325968,0.09205050155448637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609360046599007,0.08194097131872753,0.0,0.0,0.07442679190974058,0.1781169835421919,0.050330121368820695,0.0,0.054748377967410965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629562607418602,0.1902181835693758,0.0,0.0,0.10857451849273857,0.0,0.0,0.10178131561809477,0.0,0.0956806045885255,0.09486879786147437,0.0,0.10312668377905902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562537504119216,0.0,0.0,0.052942207783660516,0.07852441600603706,0.0,0.20400590028806967,0.0,0.0,0.20412896573457728,0.047063535892798505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617912529327701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388894949417333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040218308367652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652778699292157,0.07326574008616903,0.0,0.0,0.10696661913143216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910660123205378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226802705734022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899773684422044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765819331140115,0.09888464619153586,0.07968781911359765,0.1082825538097026,0.09640277140327523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818513529232621,0.0,0.2307954555957249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537288607411288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486115625007565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199849411114733,0.0,0.0946468805948693,0.15295560169399722,0.0,0.11072084303881526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654039198100192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056819817690529024,0.0,0.07727268288673259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755257834450077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013171744544604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TearsLikeRain,2019/01/24,"Have you seen my new toy? Have you seen my new toy? 
It’s a great great kite
And it’s specially designed
to reach a great great height 

There is so much lift
with the wind just right
it would drag a little child
into the deep dark night

It will pull so hard
normal strings will fail
takes a great steel cable
to restrain this sail

Oh but look right here
for the wind grows strong
sure the sky is getting grey,
but that can’t last long

Just look how it flies!
took off just like that! 
Since there’s only me to see it,
I’ll settle for the thunder’s clap

Hear the wind roaring? 
I imagine it’s a crowd,
but at least these raindrops see it
as they’re falling from the clouds

Up and up it’s climbing
no other kite is built like mine!
There’s one more trick to show you, 
if you can spare the time

It’s getting kind of scary here, 
I understand if you must go
the seas are rising, rain is driving
Now the finale of my show

Do you feel that in the air?
The charge building just right
Shield your eyes, I feel it coming
time for me to ride the light

Have you seen my new toy?
It’s a great great kite
and it’s specially designed
to catch a lightning strike",0.7938270028726464,2.9651570788381783,1.2938796680497937,102.29561043728056,84.0207468879668,4.2056176188956265,16.73811043728056,5.069623422648166,-1.019251005426109,900,18,214,3,26,271,133,241,0.07,0.7659999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.98,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,8,0,3,13,16,1,0,20,0,15,1,1,1,2,25,32,12,0,5,9,0,3,2,0,4,0,2,0,1,19,6,0,1,4,5,0,11,2,2,0,1,4,15,18,14,20,24,3,35,0,1,9,0,11,14,0,2,12,118,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589983992499481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008427270577383,0.0,0.0,0.10923824550448977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419903466557773,0.0,0.056673101301564326,0.0,0.0,0.7695905764356717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932941833081191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239154316079053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384290137811693,0.0,0.08128500511202941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743618482542277,0.09994550909190578,0.0,0.08824894871646953,0.16747915477283878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330557983373455,0.0,0.0,0.2889302213072861,0.0,0.0935803446603196,0.0977043020240338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757276603611732,0.0758414562036731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255480677477373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892765441340653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248930859310391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398479922148884,0.0,0.07497693345097026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629491857548815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079244695922057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381190355962908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083813596416483,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greensweet,2019/01/24,"Feel stuck. Need to kill myself. Job interview I've been unemployed for more than a year now since graduating. 

I've applied for 300 jobs and this is my 4th interview. I have massive anxiety about it and it is 1 hour drive away.
I am depressed about unemployment but I know I won't get this job even though I am qualified because interviewers always find a way to trip me up and make me feel like an impostor. I hate them all.
But if I don't go to this interview then my chances of getting a job ever will be 0 if I don't go to interviews.

I'm feeling like I am stuck between two hard places and I feel like I need to kill myself to get out of it. I don't know what to do.",0.8847321428571426,2.759611659722225,3.1714285714285717,90.64500000000002,81.70833333333333,7.169841269841273,23.48015873015873,8.192908349453996,1.2637992063492067,525,19,122,11,14,180,83,144,0.17600000000000002,0.73,0.094,-0.8957,8,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,3,0,4,0,14,0,0,1,2,21,32,10,2,4,4,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,3,5,19,3,18,26,2,14,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,8,78,26,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545941798851993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061510037923996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303695675523202,0.0,0.0,0.08458679500403919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951376620309485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916496571595593,0.12551634476238804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806448577146106,0.29739046921738665,0.0,0.0,0.12682410655100504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748908506543246,0.0,0.15772098707640755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430168554855575,0.13699675125672953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665062780828455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507914708026586,0.0,0.3070347145414856,0.0,0.15251771065461722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337334945530108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926233631748673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577753175559615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449746440348242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147836881673848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633097440815015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554833643551664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014121223220837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893568767653132
suicidewatch,df6040,2019/01/24,"There's nothing left in life for me. What's the point of living if my entire life is going to be a game of catch up?

I can't enjoy life because anything not working towards a career is wasted time.

I can't be proud of my accomplishments because I'm years behind.

There's no winning move here. Either I live my mediocre life knowing that it's mediocre or I end my life right now and save everyone the time.",2.6810714285714283,4.343016392857148,4.120952380952383,86.8907142857143,75.54761904761905,5.752380952380952,26.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.9535428571428572,323,12,64,2,7,107,58,84,0.129,0.7909999999999999,0.08,-0.4556,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,6,4,4,0,0,4,0,6,5,0,0,0,7,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,9,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,5,41,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768216357163173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336124809162356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697133109234339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309558367940248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889876806928804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053061555529687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818939365531755,0.0,0.6767138961019523,0.0,0.0,0.3383977059088625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365557483343566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838589969140448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113735827191565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363748353180427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234635669256952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949742286316785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233932652671988
suicidewatch,deaththekid922,2019/01/24,"its over i tried all sorts of things , its just useless , i am sick too often to finish something like an office school , finding a job is no option either because i just feel sick all the time ,and i know every job would kick me out after 2 weeks , and i honestly dont have the motivation or energy left to even go to a job interview , im a complete loser , i have some (admitedly not really visible ) scratching scars on my arm so as soon as it gets too hot fir wearing hoodies and sweaters ,it would only get more difficult anyway , i am suffering from so severe depression at this point , i dont enjoy anything anymore 

 i even tried buying a month of some legal anime service,  i dont even watch those , for the last few years anime was the one thing i atleast still enjoyed , last summer games stopped doing that and if anime too now dont help me feel less depressed, i literally have nothing left , i used games as a way to distract me after i stopped enjoying them which made me actively hate them , dont want to do that with anime , so really all i will do all day now is just lie in bed or maybe listen to music until that annoys me as well , and then its just lying in bed from morning till evening , i really think if i kill myself its the better option , my mother also wants to kick me out , so atleast sooner or later i will starve , so thats something , i dont want to do anything , im too lazy to eat something unless i really have to , i also lost tons of weight lately , anything i eat or drink just makes me feel so sick i want to vomit , i try to eat and drink as little as possible , something defenitely is wrong with my stomach ( i hope its a tumor or some form of cancer to be honest ) 

so yeah , i live with problems every day , everyone i tried to get help from just ignored me , so for now until i decided on a suicide method , i will just stop eating  and try to starve myself

i literally am just sick of everything , and i honestly dont want to live by june anymore ( my birthday is in june ) maybe the next time i go to my grand aunts place with my mother , i jump from the balcony which is in the 11th floor , i honestly dont care much about how i do it, if i had a button that i just had to press to die painlessly and instantly , i would press it immediantly 

i just really dont want to live anymore ",9.604871794871793,5.575524957264958,9.854700854700855,70.71807692307692,62.24786324786326,12.793162393162394,38.17948717948718,10.25414643259724,3.6662384615384624,1792,57,364,28,18,607,213,468,0.222,0.693,0.085,-0.9962,3,0,7,0,0,3,43.0,0,0,2,4,38,27,3,1,17,1,36,16,3,5,4,75,61,39,3,14,21,3,8,1,0,6,6,1,2,0,20,15,7,4,9,4,1,3,11,14,1,1,5,10,57,13,59,49,14,50,0,6,1,0,12,16,0,16,31,261,77,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930054928732246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300831426706764,0.0,0.0,0.14355814173536066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03544786221311902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142918444220456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592880713491328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096944718602874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500422139434137,0.0,0.10016947720352627,0.0,0.060350795008787275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6133651044224626,0.1139302446125895,0.0,0.2380089559864759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536308081523372,0.0,0.09798821363245457,0.05556507080993887,0.05226170922153647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820756460815952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314828932940745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114334122588076,0.0,0.0660962720922887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057411348449383774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795379462949005,0.0,0.0,0.05775633461325845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562453109001118,0.0,0.17311549779349256,0.0,0.06433465327059143,0.0,0.03195786524413804,0.09480045544568556,0.06559603250813423,0.0,0.1263608675629386,0.0,0.0,0.028409282516527405,0.058281842811014235,0.1540432498115635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347788416794865,0.0,0.0,0.05502318737904504,0.038815753870111686,0.0,0.11683951555833423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641498726134439,0.0,0.042747136113052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061843467226363025,0.0,0.0,0.05579674821901511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940412494973602,0.04422589738330595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075465095819065,0.0,0.054970796872565536,0.06555568729004915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564195086861831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862627460119154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058851173339176124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569324837710197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906766187010048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643887726926254,0.14584867765679746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360695245848272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726490524604553,0.0372603422280465,0.0,0.0,0.06781577507303145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740106648632147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05022315904838276,0.0,0.0,0.20579119983479466,0.04615697420627871,0.0466446355399134,0.07081135779717695,0.052284072391600905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392484092983827,0.06357818691405108,0.0,0.03744686455161498
suicidewatch,phressh,2019/01/24,"I’m nothing I’m 35, never married, fucked up, never going to do anything, man. I am just lost in ever conceivable  way. I love everyone, and I want suffering to end, but I’m suffering.  What do I have to do to end this unimaginable suffering. 

I have ideals and dreams, but they mean nothing without people. I love people, but people scare the shit out of me. What hope do I have. 

",2.201942857142857,4.2515384133333365,4.164571428571431,84.28800000000003,78.2,7.485714285714287,25.380952380952376,8.418075326091056,1.8814952380952377,291,11,57,6,7,99,44,75,0.171,0.546,0.28300000000000003,0.8912,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,2,11,2,1,1,0,8,4,1,0,3,15,19,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,9,4,9,18,0,10,0,4,0,3,4,3,2,1,5,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636178219176636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33658436891752097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187463978350964,0.0,0.181562398226147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566089348022335,0.0,0.0,0.10798688366592844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887224918871037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741801847560729,0.0,0.34298232124785993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206976251948493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29309436805276823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646388377517493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951863766992732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023284373774252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504221277547465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207263613396476,0.1508208449948629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316255736448026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Amortusonrisa,2019/01/24,"I can't anymore. I feel so lonely and going deeper into myself even though there are so many people around me.
I've expressed to my family how I've been feeling and been told that I have nothing to be sad about. I know that's true but I can't convince the welling in my chest to accept that fact. I appear alright during the day but at night I feel like I die all over again.",1.7112857142857152,3.365757700000003,3.17464285714286,92.65750000000004,78.25,5.071428571428573,20.17857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.20339285714285715,296,7,64,1,7,97,57,80,0.14800000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.07200000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,2,1,7,1,1,1,3,16,14,8,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,3,3,12,6,9,10,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625718892123457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235693530860098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074902030441347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747802438522575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748722238090318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495932223278334,0.0,0.4016135348194624,0.18914539818778264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504698468396299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550578834136702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934891042317587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684262214224071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24846037723101266,0.0,0.2540454368422423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835520251978208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601264577269484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529905977974251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380520448696881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,porkscum,2019/01/24,"I really think I may do it soon I don't know what I really am doing. Day before New Years Eve my now ex girlfriend dumped me after I fessed up to a self harm relapsed. I've been torn about since then, had to move back to my abuse home with my mom and brother who sexually abused me, and now I feel so lost. Only thing I have going for me is the job I just got, but other than that I feel lost. My abandonment issues alongside other issues are just going wild and anything I do just feels useless. I feel useless and that everyone will eventually leave me. Everything just feels fucked. I'm tired, scared, and it feels like everything I try to do to better myself comes back to get me later. I want to give up, I want to throw in the towel, but everyone keeps telling me not to and I am just conflicted. I don't want to hurt others, but I don't want to be in pain anymore either. I'm tired of dealing with PTSD and my other special snowflake labels. I just wish I wasn't this weird complicated mess people realize is too much to deal with and just leave. I'm in therapy currently and take medication but it doesn't feel like it's working. I've been to a psych ward, but those places are awful and I never want to go again. Just, help I don't know how much longer I can really take it",3.7541896407685904,4.412275755639104,4.989874686716792,85.60848788638266,71.5187969924812,8.317126148705098,24.552213868003346,8.515128840125781,1.3475737677527149,1005,26,218,16,18,334,141,266,0.206,0.6779999999999999,0.115,-0.9828,3,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,18,17,2,1,4,1,24,5,0,1,1,52,56,18,0,6,15,3,7,2,1,2,4,0,1,1,16,14,0,3,11,0,0,6,8,13,0,0,7,7,34,4,27,46,3,27,0,6,0,1,11,6,1,1,17,143,50,3,0.0,0.23240034001837234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726181358772452,0.0,0.0,0.08070551568354656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082377986856405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834526855823006,0.0,0.0,0.08673737625923837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448098888627202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324880943254302,0.20221739470661773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742542803217332,0.17628292518593175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471196988193145,0.14012638226202825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906666756737727,0.05123896329276818,0.09408031685594,0.16721100919589335,0.0,0.07843773609908652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573609604107145,0.0,0.09837496311812173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049889056681989,0.0,0.0,0.204724938687752,0.09732207002228363,0.08717156504579986,0.0,0.0,0.10779643551368807,0.0,0.0,0.20768976016902974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582678215168727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411598036920754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879797634683582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486161774311235,0.0,0.10423581092794264,0.14418950909903758,0.0,0.07563974964365505,0.09471927164040607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458874456874118,0.104356319056954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799129530580518,0.0,0.10246514847190116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464179478538328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884837419742126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818793018726854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231126556704916,0.0,0.0,0.08112679102283782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474770031499231,0.0,0.08571990492863098,0.0,0.1121547350453422,0.0,0.06515517629384145,0.06284105724083539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254403946549885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658495857363061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892292402408541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277882074814327,0.0,0.0,0.07139812895567829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631556345987223
suicidewatch,ello_bye,2019/01/24,"I cant Take it I've been struggling with depression since i was i kid i have never really has any support my parents dont seem to care 

i tried to kill myself a few year ago when i was 18 but like every thing i do i fucked it up  i dont know how much longer i can last i wrote a note addressed to my mum today i didn't think id be writing a suicide note to her i had a plan i was gonna wait till she passed She has COPD so i would only have to wait a few more years but i cant take it any longer i think about death every day now i just  need to pluck up the courage to kill myself. ",-0.6899663110612018,0.7050230802919728,1.784233576642336,101.04065131948343,84.62043795620437,4.799326221224032,16.377877596855694,5.369823440869387,-0.985086019090399,450,8,122,2,13,154,82,137,0.241,0.69,0.069,-0.9791,1,0,0,0,0,4,1.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,3,1,6,0,18,1,0,1,1,16,32,6,4,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,25,4,12,22,4,13,0,1,0,1,8,2,1,1,11,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575492183720865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236324683678623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764463842980973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604203586180308,0.0,0.1416210327419755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38541525139308097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27707426251159495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520104324417812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638289942859891,0.0,0.09036496957866497,0.13403023335490655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033089603281918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208730190493418,0.12192079409831005,0.12681650636989356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505440651623828,0.0,0.0,0.1825771098032622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533636867432954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496884809415618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601600030387925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189516373529426,0.0,0.17985682960962776,0.1865902044394888,0.0,0.0,0.24725780290765245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923822287125444,0.21071680891111305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558578986502916,0.0,0.0,0.11163537508879427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680446941742915,0.0,0.0,0.21177164057563416
suicidewatch,CozyMicrobe,2019/01/24,"I don't want to be thinking about it, but here I am. It's like a siren's song, burrowing it's way into my mind. I have all these doubts about reality, about what is and isn't real, and these voices in my head telling me it's best to just make the choice and see what's behind the veil. 

I need medicine, and I have an appointment Friday to start the process to getting me there, but as I find myself getting closer to that point, I'm also getting more and more afraid. What if I'm not crazy, and nothing really matters? What if we're not what we think we are, and death is the only escape? 

I know I'm rambling and I sound insane, but I don't know what to do right now. I'm at work so I can't call the local mental health crisis line, and it's one in the morning and I don't know anyone who's awake except my wife. I can't dump all this on her, for one she's also at work and I don't want her to stress out the whole time at work, and for two she doesn't understand. 

I'm just lost and it's like I have these claws dug into my brain telling me I should just end it because it would be the right decision one way or the other, but I'm also terrified. ",1.8133837546622475,2.6580488464566936,3.4677786987152928,94.01093452134278,76.28346456692913,6.449730625777041,20.8487360132615,6.5966054737557815,0.05712913385826779,893,19,218,7,19,298,124,254,0.134,0.7879999999999999,0.078,-0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,5,13,8,1,3,11,0,20,3,2,1,2,51,42,25,1,7,13,1,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,21,18,0,0,8,1,0,0,10,5,0,4,1,4,29,3,24,37,6,20,1,1,1,0,11,14,0,4,6,147,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227126223789136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405538366611137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819985445240683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116424509348338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501622178330561,0.13735393178980465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913956332728702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294344699135575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083419018754804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805027001089662,0.1429821940896011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217762882591378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143358566013427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468380259420219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897892037273741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355585709086725,0.0,0.13582089149571194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997404979045984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906990316166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27345069849603604,0.10230403159149497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715929969989487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310649035014787,0.08617317445101516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229748606351222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719031906644676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520976962509853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408544271248378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351424980415543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238240279763606,0.0,0.0,0.07843625122338346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140072631715566,0.14003391803048162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867979814844493,0.21354205688314173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018018462328594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937835922492434,0.0,0.0,0.09555495453698253,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JohKneeSA,2019/01/24,"My Confession. I don't know if there is someone  out there that will read this. I've been fantasizing about killing myself for at least 5 years. I get home and I have the pills in my hand but I cant bring myself to pop them in my mouth and end it(I want to want to do it). I am a complete waste of space. My 4 and half year relationship with my girlfriend is a lie. All my friends have left me for better people. I lie a lot because of my incompetence. I am in so much debt to keep up with the status quo. I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I am not clever nor sporty. I have never been good at anything. I have 2 older brothers who have made a success of themselves. I try to start something and it goes well for a while then it always crashes and burns. I can not keep an interest in anything. I live a lie constantly and it's reached its boiling point. If people I know find this post, I am sorry I am not the person you thought I was.  ",0.2394993412384743,2.4405282727272777,2.0108256477821698,95.97899209486168,86.979797979798,4.857619675010978,20.72990777338603,6.280692351149826,0.06255573122529645,730,24,167,7,23,239,118,198,0.162,0.7340000000000001,0.104,-0.9289,1,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,1,2,5,10,1,2,10,0,21,4,2,1,2,29,32,14,1,4,6,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,9,10,1,2,5,1,1,1,7,3,1,1,5,1,31,7,23,26,4,22,1,0,0,0,9,11,0,3,9,120,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869745459474106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743394204472839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161122725002736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742165595832155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476880033220488,0.18013010255025308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763575760987618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234946673319974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878244329272764,0.0,0.08708740273202573,0.0,0.0,0.13980966891688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720127577259575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963192345851389,0.1844151569487436,0.0,0.1832143156179424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811065890554111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718822411000587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171185544289455,0.0,0.15772385830149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225345815145841,0.0,0.12855977007435485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311204183713239,0.14554520211402047,0.0,0.0,0.15757368101781152,0.0,0.15964066518882022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673273006634826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896012495753516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123388122300534,0.12832427505797436,0.0,0.18659314594433712,0.1179823568082846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233135270260296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316995369450505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663335639960636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987219058230442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468272703604285
suicidewatch,dragonxbc,2019/01/24,"i really want to die ive wanted to die for a very long time. ever since i was a kid, i felt like this. it's so tiring waking up in the morning only to get up and go to school, which feels useless.

no one wants to believe me when im physically ill and mark it off as an excuse

everyone tells me 'what about your family? do you even care about what they're going to feel after you kill yourself?' i feel like i'm burdening them. i wws born with defective kidneys and the only thing really keeping me from dying is the guilt that i wasted my father's transplanted kidney.

i hate myself and i don't think i deserved to live.

",3.400376068376069,4.132442661538462,5.2925641025641035,82.84465811965815,72.38461538461539,8.23931623931624,23.67521367521368,8.515128840125781,1.3875726495726497,486,12,101,8,9,168,93,130,0.249,0.6729999999999999,0.078,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,1,0,6,9,2,1,6,0,5,5,3,0,1,15,20,7,4,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,2,4,19,3,18,18,0,12,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,8,65,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760310175274233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072159408216194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908074638228194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411785973341332,0.14259183921953153,0.0,0.15062906504871834,0.0,0.0,0.14860628833266898,0.0,0.2391182588896283,0.11261602105113183,0.1513563977002748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235891165771157,0.0,0.17917766545320987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556340631634728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027518717646764,0.0,0.0,0.1401151538459166,0.174402165445442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402711098152685,0.0,0.1391965033545955,0.1395039290824957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681902162140236,0.23978033238090876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197280684586666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953722523673164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303990905660371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377818289762503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472712685005628,0.10100752921567452,0.0,0.0,0.09191949767998636,0.1811807299982039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300671689282821,0.27893544968563666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pure_Beyond,2019/01/24,"I'm unable to love anyone apart from my ex fiancee, I'm so lonely. In August 2017 I was living in a nice apartment with my partner of seven years. We had been engaged for two years and had a wonderful relationship, travelling all over the world together, but shortly after the engagement my sister passed away and I had a breakdown. 

​

I spent the next two years trying to get back on my feet, but I was very emotionally unstable and had to lean on my ex to support me. Although she was very accommodating for 18 months or so, she eventually started seeing a doctor with an anxiety disorder, couldn't cope with out relationship anymore and ended up leaving me for someone else. 

​

At first I committed to getting better, whatever it took, then getting our relationship back on track. I got on a good medication, went to the gym daily, went on some vacations alone just to be busy and not stuck at home. I made quite a few friends too (one of her biggest issues was that I didn't have many friends to lean on). I did this for myself, of course, but also because I missed her.

​

She is still with the person she left me for 1 1/2 years ago. She has reached out a couple of times and told me that she missed me, but then she doesn't contact me again for months. I asked her last month if she is in a relationship and she wouldn't give me a yes or no answer, even though my friend who is facebook friends with her can see that they are still together. 

​

About 6 months ago I tried to let go of her and went on lots of dates. I even got together with a girl for a little while, but I just can't feel attracted romantically to anyone but my ex. I dream about her multiple times a week, wake up thinking about her sometimes. I just want to drive to her place and pick her up for another incredible date together but those days all seem to be in the past. At this point I'm starting to have another breakdown because I can't be with her. I just want this horrible struggle to end.",5.40954314720812,5.990469314720813,5.8904101522842645,80.90154416243656,67.78172588832487,9.146639593908633,30.988426395939086,9.174902378510234,2.4876862131979682,1586,60,316,28,25,512,200,394,0.096,0.775,0.129,0.917,0,3,0,0,0,0,53.0,2,0,1,3,19,16,0,1,19,1,28,5,2,2,3,50,61,27,0,5,15,4,1,0,6,1,2,0,1,3,9,19,0,0,5,3,1,8,8,4,0,5,21,3,55,12,62,34,5,72,0,3,2,1,44,30,0,7,34,224,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419620172121015,0.0,0.0,0.07255418201137538,0.0,0.05602166833259545,0.0,0.3036112625019049,0.3404901320754926,0.0,0.14691416882652195,0.05359064936620557,0.0,0.06947413606966578,0.09796591412748283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654904604010168,0.0,0.06581746317146442,0.10773346104305437,0.0,0.08540778909520097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195652803785134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751274035943136,0.0,0.045178639289895406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028725072635885,0.07170261008527458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058520615845103076,0.07880063152887379,0.12409301599938233,0.0,0.0,0.09253920294482533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035421097372819205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958737525740763,0.0,0.0,0.21649229231028705,0.0,0.10980001019597486,0.06720159221410794,0.03981295425445984,0.05875745741629919,0.11205618628177098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026925903815688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311753566274219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057102860365424064,0.0,0.07417642199960234,0.07611321002813506,0.07163433454421174,0.0,0.0,0.07021189753215269,0.061858424222905814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955688455653944,0.06322591690011843,0.0662862086684029,0.0,0.07102313917802938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057141748582396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366378085312108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450257189036333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047469988076495086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668738846670416,0.0,0.06116791550694175,0.07319087938777465,0.0,0.06622309403964068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451040019387327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30084448387212764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116469593089818,0.06377397256993983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935600753502295,0.0,0.0692845910755537,0.0,0.09916829586598667,0.0,0.11188945081611207,0.0,0.0,0.07323501038960835,0.0,0.0,0.07949575348011588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044887381804511885,0.06882709711863724,0.0,0.08169738671323146,0.0,0.0,0.06693901342009306,0.07783189063636724,0.09512330279478387,0.0,0.1368639600298975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156027618386637,0.08263860543252392,0.0,0.05619260155470047,0.0,0.0,0.1948205749542537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596991000312152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404901320754926,0.18044833793769588
suicidewatch,teomangrbz,2019/01/24,"I dont want to live anymore I m gonna hang myself right now everything is ready at least i wish we had suicide prevention hotline in turkey at least after i hang myself i dont have to care bout my depression or my shitty life
 

Adios",1.348775510204078,3.499520204081634,3.4034285714285737,88.11657142857145,81.65306122448979,6.3689795918367365,22.044897959183675,7.554174236665415,1.0004987755102044,186,6,38,3,5,63,37,49,0.29100000000000004,0.613,0.097,-0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,4,0.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,9,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,6,7,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656062226972493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730611083419883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306736232501219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277678588651312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407000247966101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916971917353176,0.0,0.0,0.2364906327640367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871746083747616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29295243615347416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796761989160393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079806501052651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,L_Smith,2019/01/24,"I envy those of you with the courage to go through with suicide. I wish I had the strength and the ability to. Sadly not. My mind will remain a screaming husk , on and on. 

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suicidewatch,Megumin00,2019/01/24,"Self doubt How do i start. Life was great a few years ago, told my crush i liked her, and she made hints about feeling the same thing. This year, school started and she was in my class. I was sick for a few days, so i was absent for the first three days. In the meantime, my friend sort of replaced me, and when i came back to school, i felt replaced. I feel as if im not good enough for her, think that the only chance i had was gone. Everything else was also going downhill, my relationship with my mom, and stress causing me to rely on video games to escape. My grades for last year have already been shit, and i feel as if suicide is the only way out. The only thing holding me back is the tiny bit of myself that realises i would hurt everyone if i left. Im so tired and dissapointed, and i have too much regrets now. I feel isolated and depressed. I tried everything, from walks to trying to stop playing video games since i knew it was ruining me. I cant really handle this anymore. I feel selfish for thinking that she was mine. I used to be smart and social. Its all going downhill. I know that suicide is a bad option, but i feel as though its the only way out. I feel useless. It feels pointless to ask for help, to continue going forward. I’ve noticed i stopped eating lunch and lost my appetite completely. Im really tired and stressed out. I don’t know anymore.

If you finished my rant, thanks for reading. I don’t know what to say now. Hope you have a good day.",2.397916881775941,4.20980041275168,3.4518120805369144,90.72905524006195,76.75167785234899,6.195353639648943,24.213216313887447,7.010146845296331,0.8079799690242639,1145,38,243,12,26,368,161,298,0.18,0.738,0.081,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,2,0,2,12,21,1,3,12,0,22,7,1,4,1,52,51,25,2,7,6,1,9,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,13,16,2,3,15,6,0,7,4,12,0,2,17,10,45,9,30,32,7,36,0,6,0,0,18,8,1,8,22,158,58,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684298888024657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956615013378752,0.06932373739412533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194085459875513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104084747542031,0.0,0.0,0.1333142404394175,0.07238020660234787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463999091697094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914708433833874,0.0,0.089051652594185,0.0,0.0,0.09088989940735114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677182536244286,0.0,0.07466357435500699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887026661142854,0.07241604767825134,0.0,0.0,0.08957106976661786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283335227016743,0.15581776490472002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506532990637622,0.0,0.08323332422594157,0.0,0.0,0.07373610385584083,0.0,0.0,0.06697433005238762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779903211207868,0.14541825222666707,0.0,0.0955729645377969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058104615338543275,0.0,0.0,0.0860999678596282,0.0,0.0,0.09280046041757413,0.0,0.2809112150638762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292308482562366,0.07066165314685598,0.0,0.0,0.09418591665083112,0.0,0.0612297461418633,0.04235099626676445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946293393314288,0.0,0.0,0.0820255422473182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152702271757176,0.0,0.0,0.06372508002923083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869397293359976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637181440798519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671067739114598,0.0,0.11106810397480124,0.0,0.0,0.09306963098905056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893715559984501,0.0,0.17546418646315134,0.0,0.0,0.09043367477829377,0.0,0.08898318416272823,0.07170856302581771,0.0,0.0,0.08836670258248625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271531900160534,0.0,0.0,0.14494879269037314,0.19859983203847054,0.0,0.0,0.18964349448405168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980994409052727,0.0,0.0,0.11518227226342373,0.11109133880310686,0.08516975213814226,0.0,0.0,0.1992684111483172,0.0,0.08283335227016743,0.0,0.11770986226004015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486992394566001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761655833145592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061580112914686486,0.0,0.0,0.167471179876316
suicidewatch,FourAM-Throwaway,2019/01/24,Someone please help me I never thought I'd be posting here I fucked everything up with my family please please ,2.4800000000000004,5.451796047619052,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,88.5238095238095,6.609523809523811,26.04761904761905,7.793537801064563,2.1173047619047622,91,4,16,2,3,28,17,21,0.163,0.481,0.35600000000000004,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989079055938696,0.0,0.2306501334742426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619056236183302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399503368250834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870215965970108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8057121949594366,0.0,0.0,0.2343232122554246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073054299061724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423815110456602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FoolishInvalidator,2019/01/24,"I don't belong here. That I don't belong here. I suck at my job. Someone just made sure to make a fool of me in front of everyone in the office. The only person I love in my 23 years of existence doesn't like me anymore. I have no dreams. I have no talent or skill. I am extremely insecure. I've lost touch of most of my friends from the past. I know I will lose all my friends I have now. My family is poor and is expecting more money from me soon.

What point is there to being alive?",-0.3232857142857135,1.7052632666666696,2.0948809523809544,95.62803571428572,87.76190476190477,5.7857142857142865,17.32142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.033714285714285815,373,9,89,6,12,127,68,105,0.17600000000000002,0.624,0.2,0.5949,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,1,1,4,0,12,1,0,2,2,10,18,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,5,5,0,0,2,1,18,6,13,14,3,10,0,2,0,1,4,5,1,2,5,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441607159963746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354972889549639,0.0,0.0,0.23233482869115765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808193855409776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24456749424415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544463304159787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204049399429753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757189040219345,0.2690335747304625,0.0,0.22243429146806545,0.23320066488799185,0.16450991012719826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743931724651106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352681603199124,0.0,0.2151940630273342,0.0,0.0,0.23297862211790166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881961271171776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322799096884048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870824878336495
suicidewatch,throwitallawayjust,2019/01/24,"I just tried with an old chord and now I'm crying WHy am I so weak???? I want to do this so badly...I feel myself passing out and then wake up...f#ck my brain is so broken you don't understand this is the only hope for me...I have to but can't. ..no alcohol either...my life is gone I'm 29. No words will help I'm a suffering wreck...

​

I could feel the air go off and then I took it off and now I have tears drying on my face. I'm 29 and I live in room I can't afford. Never had a relationship and female I'm the saddest person on the earth. ",-2.0576185958254243,-0.226009209677418,1.2434155597722985,99.13953510436434,96.741935483871,4.207969639468692,12.939278937381404,5.900188976854957,-1.0943751423149903,414,7,106,4,17,147,77,124,0.16899999999999998,0.774,0.057,-0.9384,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,13,6,3,0,1,18,26,12,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,8,1,0,3,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,3,2,12,1,10,21,0,18,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,1,6,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357478555940844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390134627477673,0.26804580577210146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24625581339098665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612632661414115,0.0,0.2423121060062515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230778678666505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253686306649075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785948100350998,0.0,0.0,0.21909957561837087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581203719813747,0.0,0.0,0.19478850753824484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013566060507376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314762523963758,0.0,0.0,0.16777164639875816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926141365626747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23683535731284314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508800549633025,0.1497688182028031,0.0,0.0,0.2296460913041456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301120325926649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905173708060006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26804580577210146,0.0
suicidewatch,jordanfromgwc,2019/01/24,Stressed I’m 17 and I’m almost turning 18 in less than a month. I’m stressed out because I failed 3 classes and I need to make them up in order to graduate. I’m doing online school to recover my credits but it’s stressful asf because I find it really hard to focus. I feel like I’m going to fail at recovering my credits and I’m also stressed because I’m worried I’m going to be nothing in the future. I self-medicated with drugs to help numb the pain but I know by not passing these classes I’m going to dissappoint my parents and be a nobody. If this happens I’m going to end my life. ,0.8356776556776566,2.892655730158733,3.829682539682541,84.8687362637363,82.96825396825399,5.781684981684983,27.152625152625152,7.010146845296331,1.4920617826617826,466,22,94,6,13,167,72,126,0.227,0.684,0.08900000000000001,-0.9548,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,2,1,11,0,4,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,16,23,8,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,2,5,1,8,0,0,0,2,11,3,18,21,1,15,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,4,50,15,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432808784162919,0.0,0.0,0.11442655575165846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26167336937844266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593539651821151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673253792928332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234904446709542,0.10222132202580736,0.0,0.0,0.13077884981151566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252783692616685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653128806575364,0.0,0.12817777241060324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590814425749528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786368274838768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106652099163292,0.0699050399995871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551162812104548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893730804313227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421061194336743,0.0,0.0,0.10609713583602708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372957558441681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522545679628165,0.0,0.1588810880261027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166514291813556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448115989520108,0.0,0.0,0.14927086042713414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6556223194898272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556374771482222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531170971949314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,s0angelic,2019/01/24,How can I end it What is the best method without any pain,-1.8761538461538483,0.0006371538461564796,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,100.53846153846158,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.8089692307692309,45,1,12,0,2,14,13,13,0.0,0.5920000000000001,0.408,0.7847,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32383647286385564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997489147462461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42177725270817823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067168576980655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590456799443672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gold_Enigma,2019/01/24,"My compromise In 2017 I made a compromise with myself saying that I would not voluntarily kill myself as long as I have a friend that needs my help. My Brain being as messed up it is, I became more daring and more likely to do things that could get me killed, last year I could’ve died when I was skiing and I accidentally tumbled all the way down a mountain. I do however have a hidden note so when my room is eventually searched everyone knows that it was what I wanted in the end, for now, there’s always more friends to help.",6.0211635220125785,5.766496839622638,6.662264150943397,78.7637106918239,66.45283018867924,9.708176100628929,28.044025157232703,9.2995712137729,2.0496213836477994,419,11,86,7,6,138,71,106,0.115,0.72,0.165,0.6832,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,6,0,11,1,1,1,1,11,16,8,3,4,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,16,3,11,10,4,13,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,8,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342027757048908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326631550975667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33280925458379845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630473650984836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459627928171768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915210725798865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220460984995959,0.0,0.10888968077178768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27939607100154257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611667575256143,0.0,0.11454095376944105,0.16988829669275207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182239303188237,0.0,0.0,0.18444316466123087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720992981489985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453913286819904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574217304767347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846350299338095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229301984887674,0.1654323218497334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805400138998753,0.0,0.0,0.13421420825985275
suicidewatch,Centuriona1,2019/01/24,"21, bored and dont want anything in life Welp title says most of it, past 5 years since leaving school iv realized how bored and uninterested I am in life. I wouldn't say im depressed because of that, but I can definitely say iv becoming more and more depressed with continuing to wake up and have to go to college etc knowing im just pushing myself forward when id rather just go to Belgium where euthanasia is legal for people with depression etc and be put to rest : P But unfortunately im stuck in a position I cant get the stuff together to go out a way im willing to(no money and have Aspergers, so its difficult to get things without being noticed)

Iv already had to talk to a psychiatrist support workers etc, but they either look at me in awe or just dont believe me and think its mental health related, and as I said to an old friend.... I cant exactly pull motivation, hopes and dreams out my arse now can I? ",3.737088803088806,5.129949832432433,5.5733011583011605,78.64087837837842,72.29729729729729,8.745173745173744,31.05212355212356,9.23628265651192,2.7938880308880307,729,33,143,16,14,251,121,185,0.11,0.778,0.112,0.3445,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,10,9,0,0,5,0,15,7,1,2,1,33,28,17,0,4,10,0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,6,13,0,0,4,1,1,7,6,6,0,0,3,5,12,3,25,21,8,23,0,3,1,0,7,10,0,3,7,93,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481875187440705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307918711836413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895028369682886,0.12492016184629574,0.0,0.12743527088569306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922622172285768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651261462720685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784397802986174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738784325825526,0.0,0.1181897175598092,0.0,0.1928475976068643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022972972623093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234290048101454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887091360184578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216182690173181,0.0,0.0,0.11976625070547947,0.0,0.0,0.15978466539053215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498319280637477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139874125320136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287755089227419,0.11868901851265765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797547550521054,0.07841563794727352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370592961243413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759269667172132,0.2698467910100929,0.0,0.1144724912670665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356505187992513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948290754416264,0.0,0.12835491500751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091284459924626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514468862034493,0.07247577165073517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671470306451231,0.08978077287076265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090331774876911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283857962624912
suicidewatch,malstrumm,2019/01/24,"How do you convince yourself to not jump? I’m renting a tiny room in an apartment on the penthouse floor/25th floor of a building. 

I read that a critical fall is 3x the individual’s height. And 1 story is ... what, 10 feet? 

So in any case, I’m all good. I entertain the thought a lot on bad nights. It’s the simplest and fastest solution to a lot of my problems and it’s only a few steps away from my door. 🤔",0.12174418604651295,2.295478151162793,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,87.25581395348837,5.300465116279072,26.041860465116287,6.742157984588678,0.9874548837209298,315,15,72,4,10,106,62,86,0.102,0.78,0.118,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,11,0,3,1,1,1,1,10,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,10,5,4,14,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,2,2,43,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189967982419522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025651845291283,0.0,0.2688881742077565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701100906808075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475701705149268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022107303714475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449243156235659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30814675434037964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221250231588413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556621008784781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,levi-hoshi,2019/01/24,"I’m honestly just lost It’s 2 am I have tests tomorrow I can’t do this anymore. I’m doing so well hur im so lost, I can’t eat I can’t sleep well. My head is always pounding at this point. I had a (ex) close friend make a post about how she would enjoy watching me die. My house hold is just ufh and being trans and being judged and told to kill yourself is hard. I’ve debated cutting so much I’m doing so well on not doing anything but it’s getting harder I feel like I e fallen into the ocean and can no linger swim like my arms are tired my head is becoming harder to keep up and there’s no one for miles. I don’t know why I feel so bad st this point. It’s nothing in reality if I come to it, my problems aren’t even as bad as people who are going through much worse yet I take it this far? I’m sorry I’m just really lost and can’t find myself.",-1.5715985576923082,0.37394875520833537,1.3639583333333365,98.4364903846154,95.30208333333334,4.203846153846154,15.197115384615385,5.873414542411696,-0.7813860576923077,659,15,162,6,26,229,113,192,0.238,0.6709999999999999,0.09,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,16,16,2,0,3,0,23,6,4,2,0,25,41,16,2,3,6,1,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,9,1,2,4,1,0,4,9,8,3,1,5,4,19,8,13,33,2,17,0,3,1,0,5,10,0,1,4,97,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768451019465727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283459337063176,0.0,0.0,0.10649837159690763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611397058397014,0.0,0.14292984530832742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148045670834683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431341438361952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242491473297732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547807197258438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087327377941574,0.0924548427841482,0.0,0.0,0.11828391336753412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998650925620108,0.0,0.06761453795042198,0.0,0.07355011629466875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593134936811685,0.0,0.26563638124578864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932873111815434,0.0,0.0,0.13979152800376354,0.0,0.0,0.1150309201087758,0.14317967050311878,0.0,0.07112366948483115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264522773702675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238186767483519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638620971620663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902713561811193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417817799596295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769565607258707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972078514714125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446799720954011,0.0,0.1239447896735893,0.0,0.0,0.12383366951572995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290722727243814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950949984417529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487065811990765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730475389714176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874469681268135,0.0,0.12366256948005112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490816788630751,0.0,0.11677784413283845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188599815673646,0.09193343964957967,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,viscouslemondrop,2019/01/24,"Is it bad to end everything just because I'm bored with life? I feel really fuckin down... I'm just over the bullshit life hands you. I'm bored all the time and I feel like I have done everything I ever wanted. I find myself not paying attention to what people are saying all the time... I don't know if this is some undiagnosed ADD or it's just because I'm uninterested. My hobbies are too expensive to take full advantage of, so I'm just stuck working and staying home. ",2.291146198830408,4.420449178947372,4.1771929824561465,83.91479532163747,78.26315789473685,7.590643274853799,24.239766081871338,8.515128840125781,1.712625730994152,372,13,75,8,9,126,63,95,0.14800000000000002,0.804,0.048,-0.8505,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,7,6,1,0,3,0,7,4,1,0,3,21,18,5,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,9,2,7,16,4,8,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,3,5,46,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938189889550625,0.2765298757312072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23211153277388544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008916672410858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051680715513639,0.0,0.0,0.4076952192390153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293699850689393,0.16203740684820114,0.0,0.0,0.20730572911880693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275149570712559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465215040987053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204137190970582,0.1108108482914468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724566640137105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530414753464566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037319931510296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417556937739396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053741611249135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264516485378073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378196258764968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512476070577345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imlostinthewoods,2019/01/24,"A letter to 14 year old me Hi, 

You need to tell mum you weren’t joking when you said you were trans. Don’t think you’re too old it’s not too late. 

If you wait you’ll end up where I am now 20 3 months on hormones, simply out of hope and no chance of normality or relief from this hell. 

I’m gonna end it now because I hope somehow I get a second chance at this. What I’ve got now is pointless. 

I’m a drop out, who’s never had a job and has no friends and never has a relationship. Please don’t end up doing everything not to embarrass yourself and end up becoming me. ",2.055,2.6652973571428578,4.0112698412698435,91.23928571428571,75.42857142857143,7.187301587301588,22.73015873015873,7.3871296695380915,0.5631015873015874,441,11,108,5,9,151,80,126,0.104,0.7390000000000001,0.157,0.6933,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,0,8,7,1,1,5,0,11,0,0,0,2,19,22,7,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,5,1,11,5,13,15,0,24,1,0,0,0,14,8,1,5,15,66,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097532749906868,0.1829412959216948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5868473151514407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488705629856772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797650160858492,0.0,0.08654239546060809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248100937826818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290446553677472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437657067316586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186854169803703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221583043292265,0.0,0.0,0.12282327081892105,0.2555104438315787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229640458962774,0.0,0.0,0.3476320001105325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182787883461085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784016309926515,0.0,0.0,0.15756581699800434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478056218257515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613828378660146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666960363305597
suicidewatch,brokeheartboy,2019/01/24,"If at first you don’t succeed try and try again. It’s hard to hold on when you don’t see a future in sight. The things around me feel so meaningless. My focus, happiness, attention, motivation. It’s all gone. 

The thought of living the life remotely close to my parents turns me away from wanting to live at all. The thoughts of not being wanted by anyone make me feel like I’m not as special as I used to believe. 

I want to push through, but at the same time I don’t see the light on the other side. I don’t have connections to do well in life, I can’t make friends at my university, I’m too awkward to create any type of conversation or meaningful friendship. 

My mom tried her best but inevitably showed me the dark depression side of life. My dad tried to be there for me but struggled with his own life. He taught me how hard it is to trust people. 

I had a girlfriend for 3 years, she pulled me out of the mud and put me on path to actually do something. I’m so grateful for that. But I’m the end she taught me how much it hurts to have your trust smashed. 

My brother seems to be in the same boat. He’s not doing anything but he doesn’t give a fuck about life. He’s just constantly high. 

I’m fucked up. I’ve isolated from my friends, my family and everything else. I’m hardly going to class and don’t see a future at all in my life. 

My friends don’t seem to care or reach out. So what’s the point in talking to them.

There isn’t answers. There just isn’t. I just want out. 

These thoughts never go away. 

My own brain is so self destructive it’s impossible to recover. 

I’ve tried help, it’s only temporary. ",1.15965861344538,3.2371867410714286,2.662927170868347,93.57226890756304,81.88690476190476,6.214845938375351,22.382352941176467,7.39963492309942,0.7093829831932776,1259,42,286,19,34,410,168,336,0.11,0.723,0.16699999999999998,0.9577,2,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,1,4,19,19,3,2,16,0,21,9,1,6,4,51,54,21,0,5,14,4,5,1,4,0,6,0,0,1,11,10,0,1,11,1,0,6,14,7,1,1,7,10,35,12,52,44,9,41,0,2,4,2,25,25,2,5,11,177,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.09307596893633233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486086770525527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669108802198596,0.0,0.07848864136343689,0.08490737053291328,0.0,0.0,0.1792230805518739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745926756837992,0.10009418629886208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647430584762203,0.0,0.0,0.09724506279477133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030706195615272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214963717924018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967676466220458,0.0,0.08447732383897437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572033259578665,0.0,0.0899146622028943,0.0,0.09645279355642017,0.06813864746274355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112917484992979,0.0,0.0,0.22106831724795512,0.17635236279209093,0.0,0.09149605434675152,0.10841196186438136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153252655365844,0.2563220629637583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639304119811476,0.10077295909902244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210499857831834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042132839406772,0.0465972732694486,0.0,0.16844248947170662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733220483079893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170652024346438,0.0,0.0,0.07011440650735863,0.0,0.07356202525091285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253988990245011,0.0,0.0,0.10590689135065734,0.0,0.0,0.0661236638895653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016381326139132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588205705855107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801371039032356,0.17365858956367022,0.09950090972739556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734272747739057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971065074386444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666188195225741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336544933497533,0.0,0.0,0.2271603854774983,0.05561615646609739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32377978688453224,0.10374476652450396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237667618923493,0.0,0.0,0.22502759487316504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575701295707552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142083241913991
suicidewatch,Mattdoss,2019/01/24,"Thought long a hard on killing myself today. Instead I decided to write a book. I’ve been so tired recently, no amount of sleep has helped. I’ve been trying to keep up with my college classes but I failed one of my test yesterday. I’m disappointed in myself and stressed out. After weeks of depression and no longer being able to afford my counselor, I thought long and hard about killing myself. I’ve thought of killing myself last year but back then I was so afraid of dying I couldn’t do it. Now I’m no longer afraid, I’ve come to terms with my mortality and I’m not as afraid of dying as I used to be.

Well tonight when I thought about how to kill myself, I decided to instead talk to my mother. We had a long conversation over what I want to do with my life. She gave me advice on what she thought I should do to motivate myself and I decided to follow through with it. It’s always been my dream to write a book so today I took my first steps.

I won’t kill myself until this book is finished and who knows? Maybe I’ll be better by then.

Wish me luck, Reddit. I’m going to need it.",1.518836363636364,3.57125329777778,2.9257474747474776,92.3023181818182,80.46666666666667,5.8686868686868685,22.227272727272727,6.980632752743323,0.5482,852,27,186,10,22,277,115,225,0.229,0.687,0.084,-0.991,1,0,0,0,0,5,21.0,1,0,0,4,12,15,5,4,4,0,16,3,1,3,0,37,36,18,8,5,3,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,13,0,1,10,4,0,5,6,12,1,2,12,2,33,3,37,18,2,32,0,3,0,0,11,6,0,1,21,124,41,8,0.10719563971368297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047503384924994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919535950544008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242683014786853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480583216549077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233955186272456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232744741008557,0.0,0.22250430002781368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911805563795408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092175237377264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920524756280685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718509777129743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952804099196513,0.5929804649392258,0.0,0.058911920178473014,0.08737875357809666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571545048146583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28459430368964744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769242816565508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948420857667708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263853971495263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058427620389286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727305512268637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279224311576292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615979470319436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255068203175736,0.0,0.12320561873524735,0.2032178647828228,0.0,0.11909829996100225,0.07277880285899728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258261508915386,0.0,0.0,0.0632267656463871,0.0,0.08598587623700521,0.0,0.0963817537813945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326969540459932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903047742850993
suicidewatch,Someonethere123,2019/01/24,"First poat m/21 So for starters... I can't say my life is bad. Got married in October of last year, got a decent job, working on buying a house. So all in all not bad, but here lately I've been really depressed. Feeling like im just going through the motions of every day life. I've had times in the past I selfharmed. I've been clean for about three years but had an incident last year. I can't explain why I'm getting these feelings. I don't know what to do either. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated.",1.9306730769230784,4.025613798076924,3.4429230769230803,88.90207692307693,79.28846153846155,6.083076923076924,24.823076923076925,7.1686216300943375,1.05513,401,15,83,5,10,132,74,104,0.08800000000000001,0.782,0.13,0.6623,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,2,12,20,4,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,3,0,2,6,3,5,2,11,12,3,17,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,12,46,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686858354396018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308445192178614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30225057002017325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167283620306014,0.0,0.15589281219192053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249813227824527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303546732007814,0.1293045926513879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395631255887876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456368129252964,0.0,0.1028650045855137,0.0,0.28952034159631185,0.19955029396897211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884672091716736,0.0,0.0,0.19550827236646276,0.0,0.17961201048764006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947144826236017,0.29507410858250005,0.20417297288171726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556876602362221,0.08842619663188801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727825171917697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595158163155404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439364126859693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554105084954413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332201874548966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317682770603717,0.0,0.0,0.1285753737387568,0.0,0.0,0.34966921176158616
suicidewatch,nthngmttrs,2019/01/24,Don't know who to turn to. I've got so much shit going wrong. I don't feel like I can share with anybody I know who cares. It just keeps getting worse and I just want it all to stop. Today I made a noose with a sturdy chord and the fact that I made it is fucking with me. I feel like I'm letting everyone down but I have no idea what to do about it. It seems inevitable,-0.6459973226238311,1.1807865421686756,1.2283534136546201,102.68167336010711,87.19277108433735,4.1708165997322615,16.451137884872825,5.033348758259628,-1.0777432396251676,285,6,74,1,9,93,54,83,0.181,0.758,0.061,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,3,0,7,2,1,2,2,21,23,4,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,2,9,4,9,19,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,1,4,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922616056671048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608778229131846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752156553523665,0.2932053758847488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897141444174208,0.10721421084080933,0.0,0.116626067630082,0.0,0.16412588068873266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165809610716334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240085188184904,0.0,0.0,0.22555705701960305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098420200569089,0.0,0.20051133289141632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38835097770906535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085360276755344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681627066515988,0.0,0.0,0.2106460111233897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156547770610886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451591195533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321050092405156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103868912151343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912741019830755,0.0,0.2243658739628431,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-deatheather-90,2019/01/24,I'm not okay I'm not okay and I know that i need professional help. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm breaking down and my mind is so messed up right now.,-2.012631578947367,-0.1975191052631544,0.7266315789473694,103.38942105263159,95.31578947368422,4.092631578947368,15.494736842105262,5.6839178017228535,-1.082964210526316,126,3,35,1,5,43,26,38,0.17800000000000002,0.747,0.075,-0.4114,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462206582099469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015860280781491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945517118516374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543122368154177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336256168334176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842472321717307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_MUNCHKIN_CATS,2019/01/24,i want to fucking die i can’t do it i don’t have friends. when people try to talk to me and tell me they love me i laugh. i fucking laugh because i don’t even know what to say because trying to say that i love them back literally makes me bite my tongue because i can’t do it. my boyfriend told me that i’m cold and loveless. he cringes when i talk because all i can do is complain and shit on myself. he leans away when i try to kiss him because when he does kiss me there’s nothing there. i’m empty. i don’t even think im a person anymore i’m just a random collection of personality traits i adopted because i thought people would like me more. i am nothing. there is nothing in the world for me. i’m done. ,0.677683982683984,2.507690188311688,2.5893246753246757,94.7844632034632,82.18181818181819,4.885887445887446,24.552380952380954,5.6839178017228535,0.33223601731601793,555,22,129,3,15,185,80,154,0.067,0.7390000000000001,0.194,0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,11,12,3,0,3,0,15,7,1,1,1,12,29,7,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,3,29,8,11,25,2,9,0,0,0,6,18,4,3,1,6,79,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130963812575056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243983410277114,0.10181085065536223,0.0,0.4842751495879906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741491708263542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158680280965724,0.13549572411533567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749037834590069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022953510777452,0.2448115644491843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430195287466001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276602407676401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468612718055103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23900037447024186,0.0,0.08838099976619619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811369276351833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358515131437192,0.2312209206047245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058666891841174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359112671499942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128433660565905,0.11572732690410045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483942650618141,0.0,0.1051143450705918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651812783786467,0.0,0.26968179470668496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809557619889093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405632374504767,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cagey_dev,2019/01/24,"I finally get it, I really am just that pathetic. That's why I can't make friends. It's unfortunate since I only have one friend, and earlier today when I expressed my fear of losing her friendship from relying on her too heavily, I didn't get the supportive response I would have liked.",7.247976190476187,6.763551178571429,8.336428571428574,68.54190476190479,64.0,13.180952380952384,38.30952380952381,12.45797560212912,5.105530952380953,230,11,42,8,3,79,43,56,0.274,0.5820000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.7929999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,10,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,10,4,3,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060472402678105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979350767649869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42025407973944734,0.0,0.28419119373947177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287313921778726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042702096478197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154527714053467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842971492558956,0.20684907535503247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423400796926425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224980347995126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086337565690102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578002896555664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454149354001924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932030799186041,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaway090,2019/01/24,"Dying is all i can think about anymore. I'm so far into this abyss of crippling sadness and numbness with absolutely no one to turn to... the memories good and bad crowd my brain every second where peace is non existent. Ive had cycles of depression and suicide attempts or geastures more so...but nothing like this. I'm too far in this cycle of sadness I have no choice but to off myself. Nothing else matters or ever will matter. 

The only thing that matters right now is how. 
Jumping into the ocean with weights tied to me which will be assisted by a toxic dose of xannax and be at the location of some beautiful memories.... Or I could just use a helium tank and go for that method. All in all I'm done. I tell you... it's such a bittersweet feeling knowing that I'll be gone soon. ",2.101814516129032,4.474756548387099,3.794576612903228,85.11186491935486,80.29032258064517,6.713709677419356,25.81653225806452,7.8658589789855275,1.7415887096774187,615,25,117,11,16,205,105,155,0.13699999999999998,0.784,0.079,-0.4942,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,7,0,14,4,1,2,4,28,24,11,2,1,5,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,5,0,2,3,2,9,2,20,15,5,16,0,3,0,0,3,10,0,4,4,85,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107047585097143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739651217415034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371773449576869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963325230080173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299281390285407,0.0,0.2205015361614273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742192146992095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748435499964507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218362744789289,0.17900801164694144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742693886261452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207467899036894,0.17820266038474405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167633065603575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037979770643646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077251573343421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396943869999582,0.16158657578109287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144099510668035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323984419028807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570075141743425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115000718415974,0.1361367766238784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310971466933165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834985557263269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587209194125864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inkbeary,2019/01/25,"even my friends think im good for nothing i know im dumb, i know im never anyone’s first choice. but a part of me wants to believe that my friends don’t think of me like that. i am super bad with all my mental illnesses, i keep coming on here just a repeating cycle of wanting to die and having problem after problem. im well aware im not healthy but all my friends seem to do is point it out. 

i was okay with it at first, i thought they were just concerned about me even though i don’t share a lot of my problems to them. but then one of my friends decided he wanted to pick apart every aspect of my personality. he always says how he only wanted to be friends with me cuz im weird, and that talking to me is awkward and uncomfortable. i always feel defensive when he’s around, no matter how hard i try im too quiet or too awkward and annoying. then he always puts the blame on me because to him im acting “shady” and he wishes i was different. 

part of me thinks i wouldn’t still be friends with him if my best friends weren’t also friends with him. one of them always agrees with him about what he says about me, it makes me feel miserable like im the problem. honestly at this point i cant tell if im the problem or if we just don’t mix well together. 

i had a rough life, talking to my parents was hell so all i had was my friends, now i feel like i cant even talk to them without being judged. i hate it, i honestly wanted to end my entire life the other day just because of how shitty i felt. 

now i really don’t know what to do. im trying to get a promotion at my job and my manager is very confident that i’ll get it and says i’ll do well. i was happy, it was perfect, not the job i quite want yet but im slowly working towards my goal and i was satisfied with the progress. i told my friends and they seemed supportive. but then that friend found out i might get it and completely ruined my excitement. they were berating me and treating me like a child. they kept asking if i could handle it in a super condescending voice. ive been preparing for this job for months, i can basically do everything for it and the second i have a chance he brings me back down. now he’s telling my friends how unready and naive i am and keeps saying it’s because he’s worried about me. i felt awful but i would have left it alone, i didn’t want to be an asshole. 

however, today i found out that he told one of my other managers that im super unready and don’t know what im getting into and that they should “talk me out of it”. i felt so betrayed, like i see now that they all just see me as incompetent and now im worried i wont get the job. i hate being seen this way, as stupid and like i cant do anything right. it seriously hurts that someone im close to us doing this especially since ive known the guy for a while and he’s been doing all this just recently. i feel like there’s something wrong with me to make him see me as this. im supposed to hear from my managers if i got it or not by the end of the week and honestly i seriously hope i die before then ",1.5017209053167269,3.0791485648854966,3.4479148252310203,90.80987679121469,78.61832061068702,6.550689701352619,23.85764028391589,7.409481684899262,0.8847455470737913,2390,81,543,32,57,808,251,655,0.159,0.616,0.225,0.9942,8,1,1,0,0,0,45.0,2,0,9,12,38,60,7,3,21,2,52,3,0,8,7,122,104,52,2,23,24,1,9,7,12,5,3,7,0,3,35,37,0,4,21,0,0,4,18,22,3,6,26,20,96,38,67,67,9,51,1,3,4,0,59,20,2,13,33,362,131,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398372351564499,0.0,0.030759748278498183,0.12802093906686002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02689501177066009,0.0,0.03165269897286484,0.03424122769065747,0.03595876625127456,0.0,0.0,0.02957653923461988,0.03211593920241502,0.07034212399730219,0.0,0.03273013886152792,0.043335899170895344,0.040365727993447335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313343936283487,0.040328905104084316,0.0,0.0,0.030710475368603836,0.0,0.0,0.024806179706606164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983938176244959,0.04018682579897325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813559911495419,0.0,0.0,0.0762155788964472,0.0,0.03240768574499684,0.0,0.03456907695655745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779447284344122,0.05495755969502847,0.11079478102934257,0.0,0.0,0.06543513315642639,0.0,0.084347859324664,0.3566074671052709,0.0,0.10047959343615903,0.0,0.0,0.032261884613642405,0.030763275940055245,0.0,0.0,0.038085532820273216,0.0,0.04094577818051595,0.034456302458370905,0.07595072385840101,0.0,0.0,0.04335186635347756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820355678592397,0.0,0.0,0.04117664323757614,0.0,0.7063135755476947,0.0,0.15267884281467714,0.06837736637994697,0.0,0.0,0.0845555125882981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179138627636495,0.0,0.054336700509158224,0.13154140608030462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032700825086725074,0.0,0.0,0.0513502065910134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03876279292150955,0.040804360063752015,0.0,0.0,0.03070169901587991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029665905800557068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036907367015733564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819286326930333,0.02925370166588993,0.0,0.0,0.04270986085173675,0.08330580197275135,0.0,0.0,0.03358539186201355,0.0,0.0,0.0727220649977486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840248731089727,0.0,0.03866707126347528,0.0,0.04091133345916762,0.0,0.0,0.02464110453690331,0.0,0.037978684835132635,0.0,0.0,0.03284815409420963,0.0,0.12235286976703535,0.0,0.0,0.09195278719696344,0.07003259279337902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03181792313860295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03259052978848265,0.029611563972095457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030717501321899307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364863523414856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236640323988836,0.06723868433794551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393877795590048,0.03779080925508997,0.030536220167982537,0.0,0.0,0.036459494682389286,0.07350824293874365,0.0,0.05222923444578103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462676085371361,0.0,0.0,0.03173693287162881,0.15880996976647527,0.03053103346955127,0.030853602371760224,0.0,0.1037516079571308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423184751898473,0.037078045607382884,0.0,0.028002342391582096,0.07812437564913816,0.0,0.027323812065241742,0.04205448441943648,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ptbeprkr,2019/01/25,"i dont know if i want to die or not i mean,, i do want to die. really badly. but somehow im still scared of it.
i dont give a shit about how itll affect other people but im scared of the concept of physical pain or whatever from like slitting my wrists or something. even though i do self harm ive heard it takes too long to die from it.
im also scared of not existing i guess. or what comes after death. if theres an afterlife i know i will go to hell. if reincarnation or whatever exists, im scared of ending up with an even worse life. not enough karma or whatever.

i dont have a future. i cant comprehend the though of myself growing older and getting out of school into the real world. 

i dunno this is all just stream of conciousness. i feel empty but scared at the same time. im just sitting in the bathroom with a razor blade sitting on my knee deciding if i should do it. yeehaw i guess",0.12336982389338402,2.278860073298432,2.684914326511187,91.2763576868158,87.01047120418848,5.7763921941932415,18.629462160875775,7.1686216300943375,0.36178324607329815,698,19,153,11,22,241,108,191,0.29,0.667,0.043,-0.9949,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,0,13,11,2,5,10,0,13,5,3,2,1,41,27,18,4,7,18,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,1,2,19,1,24,23,3,19,2,0,0,0,3,7,2,14,8,104,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716090339405304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056291162626565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311531325422275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004159250964817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392473864035624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545915807574994,0.0996972310057489,0.0,0.12745797672779738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048786906099781716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041066091962005,0.0925594634914204,0.05483598772571407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125834004948136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211145066760984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605385452424212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815187271330059,0.04713884816975605,0.0,0.0,0.08538827340458105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510301645960812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266934919704508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689218346520392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098237344156843,0.06181227068180641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830033764332932,0.09765035505678506,0.0,0.0,0.10065735497590853,0.0,0.09904288393801093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428068026794774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705492680063931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254648339344716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895966739203402,0.0,0.056262552967013636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138214844395875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832885847714916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tacobellerina-,2019/01/25,"I just want to stop the hurt Everyone in my life leaves. I’m so tired of living this life only to hurt constantly. I’m so tired of hurting. I’m tired of being the one that’s hurt all the time. My heart can’t take it.
",-0.3814285714285717,1.3395749387755131,1.9585306122448998,98.47575510204081,85.3265306122449,5.5526530612244915,15.922448979591836,6.742157984588678,-0.5221542857142856,168,3,43,2,5,57,32,49,0.43,0.5489999999999999,0.021,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,2,6,1,0,1,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,6,1,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696045016159861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997007158123482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598355494647253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6720622218066371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661847515903347,0.0,0.0,0.2217133355136036,0.0,0.0,0.13858752668480362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635169456583894,0.11936565363167648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121514595044226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800499511295418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151735518188424,0.5411642242786837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257170772977764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Faptorquest,2019/01/25,"Not sure what to do anymore If I ever actually do commit, then at least I wouldn’t have to worry about how my family would feel. I’m sure my family genuinely hates me as I, the only child, get the blame for everything.

For example, my grandmother put something of mine worth $60+ (a lot for a poor 18 year old) somewhere and forgot where she put it. So, obviously, it was all my fault and I got yelled at for it, which turned into me being yelled at for being disgusting.

It’s a constant cycle and I don’t know what I can do to stop it; my family would hunt me down if I ever tried to leave and I’m honestly not financially stable to leave yet anyways. At this point, it feels as if the only escape I have is through death. Though I’m terrified of the idea, I think it might be the only choice I have in order to get rid of them. I don’t want to do it, but I think I might have to. 

Sorry if this is formatted oddly, this is my first real reddit post.",2.441204620462045,3.396628103960399,4.674871287128713,85.53167986798681,74.89108910891089,8.158943894389441,21.882508250825087,8.648137234880735,1.1543989438943902,735,17,164,14,15,257,111,202,0.136,0.8240000000000001,0.039,-0.9145,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,2,0,8,0,23,0,0,1,7,36,38,15,1,8,7,0,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,1,14,5,0,2,6,0,2,2,5,3,0,1,3,4,25,3,27,27,3,22,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,7,9,121,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.12754586062300372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962081882254098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124194490968695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364540728009571,0.0,0.0,0.1174661270654998,0.0,0.3696413726664361,0.0,0.13217326345602354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117467318494073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365723326069046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453397078165508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904072316827173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475461429250537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183015472373933,0.0,0.0,0.2767881430658877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111177854014202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773073837116664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371492922376682,0.0,0.0,0.2982132593248033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355521291798127,0.0,0.1251759573703382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627823191226129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487669801499623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062044006918523,0.0,0.1463096865369448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927234972578144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463693315483396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674965537812941,0.12841361102713506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873777419125023,0.14216575645376098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709116160707205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273377024858213,0.0,0.18569326476394016,0.0,0.0,0.0841675141350313
suicidewatch,MeanieBelle,2019/01/25,"I've been considering it for the last few weeks, and I've tried about a dozen times. I think I want to do something more intense and let the story end. I'm 24 years old. I turned it back on Nov 25. I've been suffering from depression since I was born, and it has slowly drained my energy. I was diagnosed with Aspergers and knew it for year beforehhand, but I don't think I ever learned how to deal with people properly. I'm a self-harming masochist that gets driven wild from bleeding myself. I have no friends as I alienate them with my needs for help and I've gradually learned that no one -really- wants to help a dysfunctional mess like me. Back in 2017, my partner of 11 years (is it weird that I've had a full lover for half my short life?) agreed to marry me after years of pestering since I was shitty teen, but I honestly don't feel anything anymore. Just that leaving this life behind would hurt him so so much, but might be ultimately best. I've been a drinker for as long as I can remember, since 2nd grade when I learned most of my classmates didn't understand that I was ""sad"" all the time.

I've been rethinking of ending it all. I get tired of life's ups and downs. While a millennial, I feel like I wasn't properly prepared for constant disappointment. That no one told me about depression, anxiety, anger, alcohol abuse, and the pain of this. No one told me how to deal with mental health issues my whole life and that I'm not able to be regular. That I need medication to finally not feel like a waste. That being in this group has gsneralised me to being ""the reason America has gotten weak,"" despite being from a small farm about 10 miles from Edenbridge.

I've downed 10(?) full shots of 95% Everclear and I just don't know what's the point anymore. My parents are sleep, and I could just drink until I end. I could take a bath with my toaster, borrow and eat someone's gun, cut some inches deeper, anything. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want keep wasting everyone's time because I'm trying to figure myself out on someone else's dime. I'm sorry to say this, but even once I sober up, I just want to die.",4.711712283044059,5.357106492990654,5.369559412550071,83.7910280373832,69.35046728971963,8.824566088117493,29.07076101468625,8.942964678507748,2.1133648865153547,1681,59,349,29,28,544,217,428,0.177,0.708,0.115,-0.9854,1,0,4,1,1,1,57.0,0,0,1,2,16,19,2,0,15,0,35,16,1,3,3,61,64,25,1,10,10,1,3,3,3,2,12,1,2,1,21,17,3,1,15,2,2,1,13,12,0,5,16,4,43,7,52,38,11,41,0,6,0,1,14,16,0,3,27,217,64,4,0.08569679063425092,0.10153668365868103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158380712977814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555781027277112,0.0,0.2549645666838268,0.0,0.0,0.14104231370441486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179108450108354,0.0,0.05223996816178605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993349469881856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260778633300036,0.0,0.13684382822026034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669925642092685,0.1476210404010858,0.08698043859049331,0.08893973889998709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395022971263247,0.0,0.0876892110460744,0.07158867220292146,0.0,0.22770576104066345,0.0,0.0,0.0566019219882413,0.07751765336253494,0.0,0.08188695590630897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999261673539128,0.12244360870427455,0.0,0.09387664531378848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662091278639418,0.0,0.08954607220359967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109168108161547,0.0,0.0,0.11488150470264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174018679714732,0.0,0.0,0.08944518469696654,0.0,0.07617124504540564,0.0,0.0,0.047096714967893236,0.0698543221651966,0.0,0.09074052764192593,0.0,0.08763077455872517,0.2421207103206433,0.12560136957539753,0.0,0.0,0.0758389629905784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633050080437465,0.08636220885905695,0.09091075231141214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299700151528212,0.1270861687904115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992436601881644,0.0912642851847919,0.1742110895524263,0.0,0.09118742730783146,0.0,0.09515614446791278,0.0,0.0,0.05941136439356105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101116680001214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054899558472037605,0.08811057355233516,0.0,0.0,0.09707775819766916,0.0,0.0,0.06814952752967293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940044240709395,0.0,0.0,0.21266781233655527,0.0,0.08575867983156295,0.0,0.14522122521560793,0.06597357619663087,0.0,0.09593054101545698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443332145977176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982208630736677,0.0,0.0,0.14991146332249958,0.09849585432690056,0.0,0.16377391181261794,0.0,0.11636499111115994,0.0932134997571554,0.0,0.08921338130989999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252730937216827,0.0,0.06874079629607051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567740633431383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087654130553116,0.0,0.0,0.2207436939552418
suicidewatch,Karma__Hunter,2019/01/25,"There are two reasons i haven't killed myself I just feel like saying this but don't wanna talk about it.

1. I want to see how Patrick roothfuss books will end

2. I wanna see how that time I reincarnated as a slime will continue to an end

After that I probably will have nothing to hold on",2.5464999999999978,4.175020650000004,3.84,88.905,75.83333333333334,6.8000000000000025,23.666666666666664,7.554174236665415,0.9415666666666662,229,7,49,3,5,75,44,60,0.0,0.897,0.103,0.5416,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,3,0,10,11,4,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,7,1,9,8,0,6,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,6,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739791176228118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529254924454498,0.19115364060279835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29602900673227744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307222664272696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25674275238095434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884880985147795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751087964224877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278416130515154,0.0,0.0,0.4264408180618687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506440729761336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602350766710274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137916983844395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782102227526787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BoopyBulby,2019/01/25,"i turn 20 today and yet, i want nothing more than to die its surreal. i didnt think id come this far. i didnt want to come this far. 

im not even celebrating it. i want to go clubbing and get royally wasted but i have no irl friends. i feel so shit. i just want to drink this pain away. ",-2.094735042735042,-0.26784789230769235,1.0235897435897456,100.5875213675214,97.15384615384615,4.735042735042735,16.45299145299145,6.42735559955562,-0.4949829059829058,217,6,58,3,9,76,43,65,0.28300000000000003,0.59,0.127,-0.9335,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,13,14,4,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,1,8,1,6,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954053492339866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842347902748899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314660709625995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184808508358859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730675683995836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276879012699854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230955339052836,0.0,0.116522028057716,0.0,0.12675097655506765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24090665768106276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139997340691928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731569016484336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893327503766844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429062370593792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140283897798345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258855283715156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261867216773028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SRT8Cookie,2019/01/25,"Tired of the sadness and emptiness. It’s gotten to the point where it’s just too much. If I’m not feeling depressed then I’m not feeling anything and honestly I don’t know which ones worse. I can’t take it anymore, self harm helped at first now it does nothing, first thought about suicide in the fifth grade now I’m about to be fresh out of high school and I just can’t take it anymore. Nothing has helped and I don’t think I’ll make it more than another week at most. My times is here. ",2.7042961165048527,3.9934105339805854,3.0642597087378647,96.02512742718449,74.72815533980581,5.926699029126214,26.46723300970873,5.985473137389443,0.5908067961165053,387,14,89,2,8,119,65,103,0.208,0.7190000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9265,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,0,17,19,6,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,2,2,5,1,11,16,3,14,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,2,7,54,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041215812412726,0.0,0.0,0.3601754762933713,0.0,0.0,0.1494324775499161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640255201613315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890997341295948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183633958460398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30891944079574496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434308885254834,0.1918590089803522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997967009654098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121223217289293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348899018167146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484795592144065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304957306664158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716605328739214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837780121521276,0.0,0.0,0.18943718735284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986291626592485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730650287737725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163550569725009,0.0,0.1441615780892237,0.10588614999780396,0.2087101261159142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565994033256388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505495589452803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,physicalbody101,2019/01/25,"I also had the intention of suiciding! I got dropped out of school from canada 
Got back took care of my ill mom
But unfortunately i lost her 
Capital problem
Fuck up with my ex girlfriend
Etc etc...
But after getting through all this, you realise that every thing that happens, happens for a better reason.
I dropped out because i was not learning, got back and i had the chance to stay with my mother for a good 9 months
I lost her but i know she did everything she could for me, so i want to succeed for her.
And now i am in germany learning again.

Anyways, the point is that don’t ever give up! To shoot an arrow  you have have to pull it backwards. 
Suicide is not an option, try living!",2.301055586749019,4.4389430583941625,3.506861313868616,88.69028635597981,78.27007299270073,5.675238629983156,26.59685569904548,6.67199483983844,1.1220672655811337,537,22,107,5,13,174,90,137,0.147,0.754,0.099,-0.7857,0,0,0,1,0,1,16.0,0,2,0,4,8,8,1,0,7,0,11,2,0,2,2,22,25,7,2,3,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,10,0,21,4,21,14,3,19,0,2,0,1,12,7,1,1,7,84,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929567421234755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941365819487766,0.0,0.0909360617628178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193369644493882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209446723723044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910457885769675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327404557759156,0.0,0.1349378715556088,0.12568687772109566,0.0,0.13406941126737976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791043932737335,0.0779380945189868,0.14310282949322226,0.0,0.12512141651808548,0.3579280666755081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26383098258276594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198300902256407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172478869379425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256855807306335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471266093180132,0.11907054148827982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410191607465936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274090353803415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533773629742295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097367230244393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900134220512974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263477905964393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910564074795353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573958157695162,0.10128044092544873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798763446772538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SvinjaPauk,2019/01/25,"Can't take it anymore, gonna hang myself I literally have no use for anyone or anything. Nobody likes me, totally depressed, anxious and lonely, therapy didn't work at all, no hopes for the future. I don't enjoy anything, anymore, I'm ready. Sorry, mom and dad, but it nothing was ever gonna change.",2.4869540229885025,4.961977120689653,4.455862068965517,80.33367816091955,79.51724137931033,5.935632183908046,26.90804597701149,7.1686216300943375,1.7231632183908046,235,10,40,3,6,80,46,58,0.206,0.6970000000000001,0.097,-0.5106,0,2,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,3,9,11,4,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,7,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591274981116773,0.4549550396330674,0.16038373726542496,0.0,0.3775107591768081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24264743430822924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755961728292248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074820484852782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782028379116004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112060622415827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686402295259653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200906809443178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676557917848103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246081308293496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623093280158092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810561774577284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669871113366591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommanderKart,2019/01/25,"I'm legitimately terrified. I didn't think I'd be back on here, I started counseling, exercising, going to school, things were looking up. Then something changed over my winter break, I don't know what it was. Before I was social, talking to girls, actually getting over my breakup. Then my mind flipped a switch, I started losing interest in EVERYTHING.

And I don't mean the things I used to do, I lost interest in the new things I had picked up to cope with the break up, I lost more motivation to do anything (saying a lot considering there wasn't much to begin with), intuition, ambition, everything. Before when I thought of suicide I thought of it as almost like a ""that won't ever happen"" kind of thought. But now I fear what's beyond death, almost like my mind subconsciously knowing it'll happen. What's stopping me from being another statistic? I feel like none of my friends know what to do in this case, when I tell them where I'm at they just say stereotypical things like ""it'll get better!"" And ""I'm glad you're not gone"" but nothing that makes me feel needed, wanted. I feel every minute go by, things move so much slower yet so fast at the same time.

I've considered who I would tell and what I would tell my friends before I go. Why would I even think that? ",4.526792114695343,5.8556450483871,5.151881720430108,82.66587813620072,70.29032258064515,8.253046594982079,28.697132616487465,8.680891452615391,2.079370250896058,1004,37,198,17,18,323,138,248,0.096,0.841,0.062,-0.8271,1,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,2,5,14,15,0,1,7,0,19,1,0,4,1,38,52,12,2,5,4,0,3,4,2,6,1,2,0,1,19,5,0,1,13,1,0,5,7,4,0,0,12,6,30,11,28,32,6,36,0,3,1,0,13,13,0,3,20,128,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0962690339791009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756922407484268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344405529012217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118127341289129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585644182416038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25183391350331114,0.0,0.0,0.08724869171059142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043595565353788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515797967200716,0.08923537407558425,0.08311762606402245,0.0,0.17732211022177932,0.0,0.0,0.11100967310342952,0.14964255596329828,0.07047621252665005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243485930941572,0.0,0.10308203233032166,0.0,0.16819671543149206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447330502615654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027297167530252,0.16264784067582436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278335901197072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284189821123135,0.11036510729049376,0.2153781906626936,0.0838694553178032,0.0,0.0,0.06585023230794985,0.0,0.0,0.10745973513399153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921854490260435,0.0,0.0,0.10485027937292396,0.14503950395828946,0.07314838181960645,0.0,0.0952776402378824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465818555386876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690228788901564,0.0,0.0998399631486797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056215467375224,0.0,0.07594627153478498,0.0,0.0,0.13965120944463194,0.0,0.0,0.08247655782276468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790805737814096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929184517662145,0.2586756672080941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276963251009758,0.12642300854446942,0.0,0.2349533517421438,0.05752412483918538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520269119703182,0.0,0.0,0.05818684840095127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901708027046712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102362765196528,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grayperegrine,2019/01/25,"Medicine I have had a diagnosed nerve disorder for 8 years. 

No one will treat me. 

I have been trying. I haven't been able to eat in three days. I cry and I swallow and i cannot. 

I've called three hospitals. No one will see me in two months. 

It is better to end this with an od than keep going. Just need to gather the drugs. ",-1.1758571428571436,0.8879117000000001,0.7942857142857136,101.83571428571432,96.28571428571428,4.514285714285714,14.142857142857142,6.2581,-0.8451714285714287,249,5,62,3,10,81,52,70,0.14800000000000002,0.77,0.081,-0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,0,0,6,14,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,1,8,2,8,9,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,4,41,10,0,0.2456698152933255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172749874811668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508563489464828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698567563339045,0.15843670710745986,0.0,0.0,0.2493496912137393,0.0,0.0,0.2815588921607993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848989907359221,0.2513815525816959,0.0,0.0,0.21759053768550304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961981749431202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836261967887885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609130274037886,0.0,0.0,0.18216105516907435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33294444965510045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957670358105709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679367839396342,0.0,0.2399837123212544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820330644761682
suicidewatch,dogaita,2019/01/25,"Should I kill myself for abusing my dog  So my Dog ruined my USB cable and also caused my camera to fall about 1-2 fall onto the carpet. The USB cable was completely ruined and broken, some of the parts were completely off. So in a fit of rage I called him into my room, and used the cable as a whip, hitting him over 50-100 times with the cable. I just did it. By the time I was done he was shaking. He didn't bark, but growled at me. He tried to bite the cable but he failed. He was in the corner of my room with his head down as I beat him. What else should I do? Overdose on drugs? Shoot myself? Hang myself ",0.4897692307692338,2.3627019769230766,2.379230769230769,95.81576923076923,83.07692307692308,4.615384615384616,15.384615384615385,5.369823440869387,-0.8983846153846153,467,7,107,2,13,155,79,130,0.173,0.813,0.014,-0.9598,0,0,1,1,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,2,1,10,0,11,2,1,2,0,14,13,10,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,0,0,8,0,20,0,21,2,2,19,0,3,0,0,10,13,0,1,2,75,22,1,0.0,0.2820604905655237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903753610202603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430844274941338,0.0,0.0,0.24455173868778504,0.0,0.0,0.4991997853317104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436165802845385,0.0,0.0,0.2760723750765933,0.0,0.19886739720954166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443167837551505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633765482904745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25779424431653986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776277457073489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162614975587902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560617959299932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zwcal,2019/01/25,"Just a joke of a person. If people knew me well, they’d probably pity me or say “im sorry.” Well you don’t have to be, because it’s all my fault anyways. Nobody forced me not to go to therapy for all these years. Nobody forced me to use alcohol to handle all my emotions. Nobody forced me to push away all the people that tried to help me. It was all me. That’s just what I naturally do. I’m just one of those people that are incompatible with life for whatever reason. Never had a serious girlfriend, don’t have many friends, don’t have a job, and I don’t belong anywhere. Everywhere I go I feel like a fraud. You don’t have to feel bad for me though, because it’s almost all my fault. It seems like I almost go out of my own away to make my life worse for myself. And the funny thing is, I felt great until recently. But I’m all too familiar with knowing that the feeling doesn’t last. It’s only a matter of time before something happens and I go back to being my true depressive self.

Could I ever really change? I doubt it. I’ve tried. I’m doomed to be a piece of shit as long as I have to be myself. ",0.9269565217391288,2.8504982136752126,3.2034671125975467,90.21617056856188,81.8205128205128,6.120847268673358,19.575622445187665,7.255503002510835,0.3966338164251213,858,22,189,12,23,294,121,234,0.168,0.706,0.125,-0.9281,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,1,0,11,17,1,1,10,0,22,4,1,3,10,38,39,10,0,2,7,0,4,2,2,0,3,1,0,2,14,6,1,0,8,1,0,5,8,9,2,1,4,5,29,8,29,29,9,17,1,3,0,0,9,3,1,6,11,131,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449385991778706,0.25203834983759504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364777687573425,0.09676979049464912,0.1050783083004786,0.1534322535883408,0.0,0.10708787310665004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313111159962945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100479851406424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839319826750313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156271468615886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113837246334636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089847139442284,0.08990625129595943,0.12083437329679407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723030137405698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860905946862653,0.0,0.0,0.1387485046577301,0.0,0.0,0.111287484413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843536509610642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593806302926711,0.0,0.12488529772651455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916308880350344,0.10258339016879736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778114886027546,0.12296651947957105,0.0,0.0,0.1113720338171947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400490493919649,0.12759070825327962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706218386070073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527825536228005,0.09571351668107084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617426804156342,0.10988612658114848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568605546392912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062182342150981,0.12939330115236652,0.12426029109099472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007984267405506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456782145220885,0.1312875163690196,0.0,0.12918175973686868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688438593398553,0.0,0.14087718287237844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391882000011802,0.0,0.08360820508664517,0.0,0.12364559170458007,0.0,0.07338331953375436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088585094154946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869276726463847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630597595954224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825045541833954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104235995147327
suicidewatch,Iveruinedmyself,2019/01/25,"I've ruined my life and it's over. So am I.  I've just found out that I've developed type 2 diabetes due to my continuous drinking and eating junk food. I have no friends, my family doesn't care about me, I don't have a career and I'm gay and haven't properly dealt with it... I'm 25 years old. What's the point in continuing anymore? There isn't.  So tonight is the night that I bow out.

​

No one is going to help me kill myself and no one really cares, otherwise why would they want me to continue this miserable existence that is my list. I want to thank anyone that reads this. This is my swan song. Goodbye all.",0.9297032967032984,3.1301592230769235,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,83.69230769230771,7.0989010989010985,20.824175824175825,8.192908349453996,1.0696483516483517,489,15,109,11,14,164,83,130,0.154,0.741,0.105,-0.8217,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,1,3,0,12,6,0,0,1,14,21,7,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,10,8,3,0,1,3,0,1,7,3,0,2,1,1,15,4,10,19,1,14,0,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,8,65,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293987703465727,0.22759045552363574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575164195008814,0.13096477648943886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819304285280251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834830605761706,0.0,0.19165504224728047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765701233520644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22648435577458384,0.20536519258690272,0.14470780437575198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644711891392136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554349260621664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072201130320484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229579332474167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576871297473576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654023525585956,0.0,0.2538391616620643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705939431248738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873510601956304,0.0,0.1199894157194204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244101983040291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209492268052704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900945487452151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330528118179734,0.0,0.22759045552363574,0.1206153000070428
suicidewatch,slapstick70,2019/01/25,"I have no escape. Death is all I have left.  I'm not looking for help. I really don't want to hear about ""it'll get better."" I'm honestly tired and just want to take my final sleep. This is for me to at least vent. Get it out so I can leave without that weight. Seemed like the best place to do it.

I've always struggled with depression since I was 16. I was the fat kid of the class and constantly bullied and mocked. It got to the point where I tried to where I contemplated suicide. The only reason I never went with is was simply because I was too much of a coward to actually do anything. I hate pain and I was completely afraid of the actual process of dying.

Fast forward and I graduated. I went to a community college to save money only for me to end up dropping out because it was clear I wasn't smart enough. Instead, I ended up in a trade school in the hopes of maybe finding a job in the field I like. I graduated at 23. That was 5 years ago and now my parents are paying thousands of dollars for my two schools. I still haven't found a job in my field after all this time. I worked at pizza hut for 3 years living pay check to pay check. Until my car completely broke down. I was forced to get a new one with my parents help again. However, there was a catch. I get a new car but I quit Pizza Hut. I did that and found a job at Amazon. I was back to living pay check to pay check only it got worse. I wasn't getting enough hours to pay my bills. This resulted in me going to banks and payday loans to not be kicked out.

When the announcement came that our pay was being bumped to $15/hour I thought things would be looking up. My paychecks were not only enough to live off of but to actually buy a few luxury items I've been looking at.

That lasted all of 1 month. I was promptly fired in December for being 1 minute late. The last time I was late was 5 months before that and it was 4 minutes. I searched desperately to find a new job that would pay my bills however, everything was the typical minimum wage. I was left jobless for 2 months straight. Savings gone and now every bill I owed was piling up. I know owe thousands from banks, my apartment, and car note. The debt is increasing every day. I have no money to even feed myself. Literally I have absolutely no food in my house. I'm about to be kicked out of my apartment because I haven't paid anything this entire month. My depression is now in full gear.

All of my friends never pick up the phone when I call and even when I do get to talk to them it's only for a small amount. The last time I talked to my family about my depression and feeling suicidal was a train wreck. As all they did was tell me how stupid I am, how selfish I am, how horrible I'll make them feel. Which only makes me feel even worse. Clearly I can't talk to them about this. I can't afford a therapist and those hotlines are a joke. There's nothing else I can do. I have no money, thousands in debt, and have put my parents in debt as well. I have nothing to show for the 28 years of being alive. I'm a clear emotional and monetary burden on everyone around me. I'm sick of the pain, the guilt, the doubt, and the feeling of uselessness.

I've been planning this out for quite sometime now. I've been cutting my arm and wrist to get use to the pain. I managed to get my hands on a numbing agent which will help with the pain. Going with it either this next weekend. Got to get a few more things in order.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. Sorry for this post. Thank you for humoring me.",1.4155437108360085,3.48622012242091,3.004587918386065,91.50543911432068,80.92572214580467,6.074652300168117,21.789106678893475,7.224341801977833,0.6292252942075498,2747,85,597,37,72,903,306,727,0.204,0.732,0.064,-0.9986,17,0,0,0,0,1,78.0,1,1,4,6,31,34,4,4,39,0,65,17,5,9,10,76,113,30,4,5,8,3,7,2,1,4,8,1,0,1,29,30,6,0,12,3,31,13,17,20,1,5,39,11,80,14,103,64,20,100,0,5,3,0,21,43,0,3,45,393,109,23,0.0,0.0,0.16526284731438226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050040026583479294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046971398570131336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290802271015007,0.050252977836649386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340700584890755,0.0,0.10323523531791323,0.0,0.048035279507445655,0.0,0.05924139322750953,0.04992594406379003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057642346184161135,0.06456441645830231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183747027227558,0.06100301455487115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03640594929217871,0.0,0.1458623864057906,0.0,0.05858678197007035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047157209833904784,0.06349929614355324,0.09999690382435808,0.23331412676918525,0.0,0.11185521242673127,0.0,0.09512408422930316,0.053940941262155935,0.050734134705260406,0.0,0.05321657588159949,0.0,0.11417242264014775,0.0,0.0,0.06183884300880661,0.10318960134894103,0.0,0.06826025647069017,0.1237902783014896,0.043613572364488144,0.0,0.2654378484813783,0.0,0.06416432263305782,0.0,0.13544603931535976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573325345129322,0.0,0.0,0.06362389803076783,0.0,0.11351288667446535,0.0,0.0,0.05606815590224973,0.11118488583200396,0.0651363815895483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240739313849037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03102375839480805,0.13804425309685792,0.1273574094291929,0.05977300557161212,0.12266742461935927,0.0,0.0,0.05515779669446208,0.0,0.14954066950331135,0.0,0.14221279064967499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536239112213956,0.0,0.056712187656418424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023323394020152,0.0,0.041497666152295866,0.0,0.0870763233239023,0.16356094436894505,0.06003582438535515,0.0,0.0,0.10833169379360713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825236895082258,0.2575992253672069,0.240269557260701,0.0,0.1880450412157078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897883348242518,0.0,0.053364037551205376,0.0,0.054064044177990885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674841722283629,0.0,0.12008426521180306,0.0,0.0,0.03616368231158437,0.05804059046961354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426198646109305,0.0,0.051390481166202484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046696497004653004,0.0,0.056491340535446265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583105974575237,0.06319179435711482,0.0,0.0,0.045081500204148035,0.0,0.0,0.05901439522222573,0.0,0.12349552826679952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244380524004048,0.13611849585552488,0.04934028861824611,0.05197210288292947,0.0,0.06554346572426037,0.07500650417163701,0.0,0.0,0.04481544905982919,0.09875034855190873,0.06488162899707785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038326233287265095,0.0,0.05514400684805085,0.0,0.0,0.048755169978909815,0.0,0.0,0.06659202061505459,0.0,0.0,0.06874158956255333,0.05075584421494515,0.10466049272159746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054416337549791576,0.0,0.04109668918098956,0.0,0.11505591238779725,0.08020173426795732,0.0,0.0,0.10905695386260206
suicidewatch,kagekoki,2019/01/25,"I don't know what to do My boyfriend of 6 years turned on me for no reason. He was abusive almost our entire relationship but he was all i had, he still is. He left me for the only friend i managed to make after a traumatic situation. It's like he doesn't understand how he's making me feel, like he just doesn't give a shit about me anymore. We planned a future together, we did everything together, he understood me more than anyone ever could. And he threw it all away for some shallow crush. He says he still wants to talk to me but even after promising me he will and saying he cares about me he never does. I've apologized so much the last couple days but i don't have anything to apologize for, i don't understand why this is happening to me. I don't have anyone else in the world, and almost no reason to live at all. Nothing makes me happy anymore, it all hurts, i feel like i'm dissociating constantly, nothing feels real anymore. What am i supposed to do, when nothing makes me happy? He's all i have, i'm only hanging on to him saying we could still be together eventually, that's all i'm hoping for anymore.

This seems so stupid, i know to anyone else i should just leave, but i can't. I'm so mentally fucked and dependent it's impossible. I want to get help but i can't bring myself to do anything.",2.32549751243781,4.235282619402984,4.2194776119403015,84.70008706467662,77.28358208955223,7.302487562189055,24.59950248756219,8.212053250817874,1.5438203980099503,1034,36,210,19,24,351,129,268,0.146,0.7290000000000001,0.125,-0.7916,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,4,0,0,1,14,13,3,0,6,0,26,2,1,8,8,49,54,14,0,6,7,0,3,3,1,2,0,3,0,0,9,7,0,0,11,0,0,3,11,4,0,0,6,6,32,9,28,43,9,23,0,1,0,1,30,7,2,6,16,134,41,1,0.0,0.10941499598335996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849425055275314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663299612106897,0.19371156421958088,0.18923892951957055,0.1519858993950208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676217544616588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415297598381954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997932983877476,0.0,0.14746165007120826,0.10217917334276456,0.0,0.059555577495858276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081267080625022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428658883260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609937102910726,0.08353230995619686,0.0,0.0,0.08299469591838317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007884761906206,0.13194410602971168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713463469384801,0.08537245645928225,0.04824701170769849,0.08858676790311182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816613273912113,0.1966082237893752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189762617151934,0.0,0.0,0.09172048714037158,0.0,0.0,0.0988583811114494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150197334322568,0.0752743747749128,0.0,0.09778115760451518,0.100334278533771,0.0,0.0,0.13534688008713275,0.0,0.08154327433236587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465668832710263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306312157281027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788498914272946,0.0,0.0712229844654152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658256429410903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046669960547395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051100482214552,0.0,0.18989428655612894,0.0,0.09914512286703192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203119112889068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406839659859497,0.0,0.0,0.09479191690306947,0.0,0.10380085521972636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212430795986268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422427548386956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044600959992166,0.0,0.19227103753944824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893621293917743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332796738488521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946784333791825
suicidewatch,SyntaxTheGr8,2019/01/25,"Its been 9 days since Ive talked to one of my friends. 9 days is the most recent. I havent talked to some of my friends in up to 12 days. They literally never try to contact me if I dont contact them or unless they want something from me. Its eating me from the inside that I go to school, go home and just sit by myself talking to no one. It sucks. I cut contact with a large portion of my friends because they were just assholes to me, now the only ones I considered true friends dont even talk to me any more. I literally have no one now.",2.8734482758620707,3.4478096206896574,4.204655172413794,90.74336206896551,73.48275862068967,6.834482758620689,27.431034482758626,6.6274283507984215,0.9644,420,15,98,3,8,139,69,116,0.106,0.758,0.136,0.5719,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,5,7,2,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,2,12,12,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,4,2,0,20,5,18,10,4,12,0,0,0,0,15,2,1,4,7,71,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989156950914688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895439750279511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841994851683979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443125647666462,0.0,0.0,0.15030714604979886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702075379051744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539534537012268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669641712690407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734461208290198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329213466550338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981511730421462,0.11171795430342893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503808869641055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486625050663422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215105467276024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308460681216788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722647710810977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997299981684102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664068347380292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cisylvania,2019/01/25,have any of you tried cutting the artery radical artery specifically. did it hurt like hell?,4.648125,8.062587562500003,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,79.625,8.200000000000001,26.75,8.841846274778883,2.656350000000001,75,3,13,2,2,22,15,16,0.396,0.5,0.104,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476144534324972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7046417161584901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32157468353231705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468904517201446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarknessGoddess,2019/01/25,"Well, it's been real. I'm simply just done with living. There's nothing left that I'm interested in doing, and living the monotony of day-to-day life is unappealing. I've done a lot to try and spice things up, and all of those options have been exhausted. It's time to call it quits and see what's on the other side, if anything. Godspeed.",2.3686190476190454,4.0905751000000015,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,76.57142857142857,6.3809523809523805,23.095238095238088,7.1686216300943375,0.7245238095238089,267,8,57,3,6,88,51,70,0.039,0.8859999999999999,0.075,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,11,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,2,8,6,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,1,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881626430837911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334811546985536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29492564551338546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679845686118217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484330864372032,0.0,0.16150498245063585,0.0,0.0,0.40381109261211606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439333387063856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939954418728716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432015242162645,0.0,0.2602581498249393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182207521415838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190746355070964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332990375467907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524096077851246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055872791357956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thepenguinspimple,2019/01/25,"In case you haven’t heard it today: I love you. I’m just a random reddit user behind a screen. But whoever you are, whatever you’re going through, I love you. ",1.6254545454545486,3.4252515454545467,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,79.0,6.824242424242425,20.090909090909093,7.793537801064563,0.8387454545454545,123,3,25,2,3,43,25,33,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,3,6,0,3,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26851398440231194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8528401462415217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478436391634191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,femmecel,2019/01/25,Where do you think you’ll go if you actually commit suicide? Afterlife or just non-existence,3.876470588235293,7.004732235294122,5.772058823529411,68.81926470588239,79.58823529411767,10.458823529411768,32.029411764705884,10.125756701596842,4.704435294117649,76,4,12,3,2,26,15,17,0.228,0.66,0.112,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.5747951192029036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347516402729228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6442884294142532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774179778415736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhyDoUKeepBanningMe,2019/01/25,Everyone hates me. Nobody likes me. Even two of my closest mates that I've been close with for years have suddenly out if nowhere excluded me from everything. I have no one. I don't have family to talk to . I have nothing. Maybe it's karma maybe I deserve this loneliness. I've felt like this for the past year and it's progressively gotten worse. I feel empty inside now. I feel as if I'm dead. I can't laugh anymore. I can't be happy. I feel anger to everyone that's it. I'm 18 don't have anything. My social anxiety has also gotten worse. The pills are making it worse don't even help. I feel as if I have nothing left to live for. Nothing left to do. My time is coming to an end. ,-0.4291666666666672,1.8126344166666684,2.0499444444444457,93.18950000000002,93.72222222222223,5.38,18.31111111111111,6.961326702584282,0.3224511111111115,532,16,117,9,20,181,81,144,0.249,0.7020000000000001,0.049,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,3,0,17,1,0,1,0,14,29,7,1,3,3,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,4,5,17,4,15,24,0,13,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,3,9,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917346302949674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443596114584164,0.0,0.1353892565404877,0.0,0.0,0.1123427516314697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759824185060384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091450234930605,0.0,0.0,0.18033781485221834,0.0,0.0,0.26089776061158376,0.12269365181114596,0.0,0.12869710047743058,0.0,0.2761105821795524,0.0,0.13107877022759873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532603972995795,0.0,0.13478334523652188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915051945113846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966545969937896,0.0,0.0,0.13339168080063096,0.0,0.12054796993671495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112688163218502,0.0,0.27430153076183256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929783526113741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250818732337787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032195921034706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916299524620168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972806528634224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796047930507093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335833191976526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41737077419372304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758263412793876
suicidewatch,JohnZumwalt,2019/01/25,Why should I exist? I was never supposed to be born in the first place and my biological mother wanted to abort me so I shouldn't be on this earth in the first place. And now 18 years later shit hasn't gotten any better and I just want out. I want the pain of being a disappointment and a failure to stop. I want to walk in front of a moving car tonight to get it to stop.,1.3580357142857158,2.9247688750000016,3.322142857142861,91.60000000000002,79.0,5.571428571428572,17.67857142857143,6.18269132825596,-0.4083928571428572,290,5,67,2,7,98,52,80,0.244,0.7090000000000001,0.047,-0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,6,0,7,2,1,0,1,15,13,5,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,2,0,8,1,13,6,0,21,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,10,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407144882673162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873721520298043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36041447412827576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106876324140546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517268857392003,0.0,0.0,0.16339879393363288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254330131127031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426953224836253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21747031541678616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35424737788672234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998399307067071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911698796930212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364303104143085
suicidewatch,borrowgloomy,2019/01/25,"I don't have anything holding me back anymore To start, I've posted on this sub twice before under different usernames, and I want to thank the people who responded. But things haven't worked since then. I finally confronted my mother about how horrible she is. I pointed how how all her kids are fucked up because of it. I pointed out that she forced her oldest child into a career and a marriage that he didn't want, and now he's an alcoholic who doesn't even care enough about himself to even brush his teeth. He and I used to be so close, but when she drove him off, he cut all of us off. I pointed out that she forced her 2nd child into a degree and a career he didn't want and now she yells at him daily because he's trying to follow a different career that he actually wants. 

I pointed out that most of us have issues with ourselves because of her 3rd child. The favourite child that can't do any wrong. He's so emotionally and physically abusive to me, and I've told her before that he makes me want to kill myself, he has for my whole life, but she just keeps saying ""I've never had a favourite"". If 4 out of 4 of your kids say that Tom is the favourite, you weren't as fair as you thought you were. 

Just today his girlfriend broke up with him, and I feel like that's part of what sent me into this spiral. She is such a good person. There's literally no other word to describe her other than ""good"". He was just as awful to her as he is to the rest of us and my parents used to yell at me whenever I would tell him to stop being horrible to her. He used to tell her that she was literally retarded and should just kill herself. I'm used to hearing that from him so I tried to protect her.

On one hand, I'm so glad she's getting away from him, and I hope she stays away. On the other hand, I know this is probably going to ruin our friendship and I don't want to lose one of the nicest people I've ever known. She actually treated me like a valid human being. I just hope she's happy and I don''t ever want her to feel bad. My brother will probably try to guilt her for breaking up with him, but I hope she knows she made my life better when she was there and she deserve to be so much happier than she was with him.

And here I am pointing out to my mom that she knows how we all feel, and she knows how depressed I've been my whole life. When she found out about it, she thought it was the cutest little thing and that I was being rebellious. She told everyone she knew because she thought it was adorable that her 10 year old wanted to die. It's been over a decade since then and I still want to die.

Tonight I confronted her with everything and her only response was ""Have a glass of wine girl"" (her exact response)

And it was at that point I realized I have nothing holding me back. I've stuck around because my parents are helping me pay for my education. But that's just financial abuse because whenever I mention doing something my parents don't like, they threaten to take away the funding. 

I used to be so scared of killing myself because I would die indebted to them, now I want to kill myself because they've spent money on me, expecting me to pay for their retirement. I want them to be fucked and out of money. It seems like sweet revenge that I can do it with my death. And it seems like I'm really going to do it now. Since I confronted her about her abuse, she's definitely going to rub my education in my face. It would be so good to kill myself after that and let her know she and her threats are the reason.

I've been considering suicide every day now for the past few months, different from before when I only thought about it a few times a year. Now I've got no guilt or shame. All my other attempts have been half-assed but my next one is going to be for real this time. I'm sick of waiting for my family to change and be better. I'm going to teach my parents a lesson the hard way. I know they're not going to use the opportunity to be nicer to my oldest two brothers, they're just going to keep sticking by fucking Tom. But maybe my older brothers will take it as a sign to get the hell out of there.

I'm going to finally kill myself on Sunday. Tomorrow I'm going to to treat myself to a rare nice day before it happens. I don't know why I'm even writing this. I don't want anyone to talk me out of it. I guess I just want this to be a good, solid suicide note that someone will actually read (because if I leave a real life one, my family will ignore it. God forbid someone point out their flaws)",4.811053113553115,4.754861356837608,5.678571428571428,84.12,68.97863247863248,8.480586080586082,28.46642246642247,8.07648339933343,1.667502503052504,3554,110,757,42,56,1170,332,936,0.192,0.674,0.134,-0.9978,8,0,3,0,2,8,82.0,5,4,5,7,49,51,15,4,31,1,68,14,4,14,8,146,151,59,12,23,19,9,7,5,1,8,6,5,0,9,50,48,2,9,22,2,6,12,15,27,0,6,32,14,146,24,125,98,13,98,1,4,0,3,120,42,4,10,45,524,196,8,0.0,0.1530209847137216,0.12603123739968392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600716327621245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02927535255744405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269385173607306,0.03010143378215987,0.0,0.03542633222409428,0.03832346521129214,0.0,0.0,0.1213401636892267,0.06620530564315219,0.035944799931561466,0.2361849259249425,0.0,0.1465288977781324,0.0,0.0,0.07614813142771346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043892158685337024,0.0,0.04554099936050519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552714251951688,0.0,0.037078745258499066,0.0,0.1340367435320874,0.13493369172152225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048425251029089136,0.0,0.04448197005163805,0.0,0.08530199655175981,0.0778820502621231,0.036271328482936974,0.04113594606560765,0.038690400650925744,0.0,0.08116707436092292,0.0,0.06530184461945877,0.03075479866109752,0.0,0.09431794296680301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720190353101292,0.0,0.11939658944753292,0.04498350629578703,0.0,0.2201958334493659,0.14443257979082186,0.03443087222003314,0.0,0.047424228129968826,0.0,0.03806881198238786,0.04582733188852429,0.03856418118248209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048520273777899185,0.0,0.02885538562937076,0.0,0.0,0.12827454897294327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044932825415228916,0.0,0.07652931271552077,0.28576947227954363,0.0,0.165613379291109,0.0,0.0,0.045583541477763716,0.0,0.04402135573411163,0.1216294386680118,0.10515983299650973,0.0431472273414123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048161734750516674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04073477879879464,0.0287360878771923,0.0,0.0432493285825136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041942667115618,0.03436195409791523,0.0,0.0316465696880056,0.0,0.033202673665211936,0.0,0.045783969951835334,0.0,0.0,0.04130746153864606,0.0,0.04517354234985056,0.0,0.11668668356343548,0.06548265314681684,0.0,0.0,0.19120691364430847,0.046618757841334686,0.041095922576524654,0.05969064680274424,0.03758944066665785,0.0,0.0,0.2848719513284955,0.0,0.04122982568260755,0.0,0.0928299702581236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430614680043454,0.09800023563253872,0.027578815836252355,0.04426238295639665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684698865119562,0.04310037803177684,0.0,0.0,0.07838187514245976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683376322080736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295194236900991,0.03314185320657124,0.0,0.0,0.030470882835994587,0.04588537814701518,0.03437964035409925,0.03599157558502903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417902749299832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473621120877254,0.034601813100438236,0.07525487705516411,0.03963448859221759,0.0,0.0,0.057200772511156475,0.0,0.0,0.1367069874788787,0.050205390277350576,0.0,0.04080619388723232,0.08227189213121529,0.0,0.08768400190166536,0.0,0.04205341691236654,0.0,0.15535089181394118,0.22308732429321432,0.0,0.0,0.3300946753635312,0.03417094181335055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884576487537168,0.09612716904921187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031340780306521834,0.0,0.0,0.0917440668817973,0.04706821803199649,0.0,0.055445342841021525
suicidewatch,100hawa,2019/01/25,"Why do i keep trying After 5 years old of this and it's not getting any better. Why even try anymore. I have no one to talk to. I think when I was diagnosed with BPD, depression and anxiety it would be easy to know what is wrong with me. But that was a lie. I can't keep doing this. I just want the empty feeling to stop. Here I am 23 years old crying in my room. What is wrong with me. ",-0.8889411764705883,1.05570651764706,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,89.70588235294119,4.811764705882354,15.558823529411766,6.2581,-0.6636823529411764,294,6,73,3,10,100,62,85,0.256,0.6809999999999999,0.063,-0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,0,16,18,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,10,1,10,14,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249768270565142,0.0,0.1378024507816658,0.0,0.17864508696131007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931438611980778,0.0,0.0,0.2268731813532472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786936349194387,0.0,0.0,0.15514963868964082,0.18283279380386036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189771826801226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910814495640084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941128765297795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202237598441381,0.0,0.0,0.0989972471523631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780418525518471,0.0,0.1220638445863385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060056398775215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478534165901774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542295708278437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24459909343501604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624803480140382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250868573366941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279624281547698,0.3938977422519771,0.0,0.23200151053752166
suicidewatch,suicidathrowaway1893,2019/01/25,"Throwaway account because my friends know my actual account but I’m lost. For some reason I have this feeling that I’m meant to kill myself. I can’t envision my life 10 years from now. Not even 5 years from now. I can easily envision ways I’d kill my self though. Whether it’s taking an Uber to a nearby tall building and jumping off, using one of the several guns in my house when I visit, or finding a drug dealer and buying enough heroin to die painlessly. This is all so much easier to foresee than me living happily.

I feel like I’m failing in life. I had a bad first semester in college, and now I’m on my second. I feel like no matter what I do I’m gonna fail. I feel like things are gonna line up and I’m gonna fail, my mom is gonna be super disappointed in me, and I’m gonna kill my self before I get kicked out.

I don’t want to kill my self. I attempted it once before and failed. I saw the effects of it. My dad was extremely upset. My mom was upset but felt like it was all fake, or some scheme to get pills. Little does she know I hated the pills. I hated how they made me a zombie. I didn’t take them, I flushed them. I hated the therapy too. She thought I was just looking for attention. I hated therapy. I felt stupid, and my therapist was just funneling everything I said to my mom since she works with my mom. I wasn’t able to open up to my therapist because of this. 

Don’t get my wrong. I love my mom. She’s an awesome mom and has always been supportive of me. She doesn’t understand depression though. She thinks it’s either some scheme against her, or a scheme to get pills. She thinks that I think pills are a magical drug that fixes me. That isn’t true. I fucking hate pills. 

I think of the days when I was little. Playing halo with my dad, or playing Pokémon platinum. Not a care in the world. Just enjoying life. I was genuinely happy. I wasn’t just happy for that day. I wasn’t just happy in the moment. I was happy. I didn’t feel like I was failing at life. I hated going to sleep, and I loved waking up. Now I dread waking up and love the moments when I’m asleep. It’s hard to brush my teeth and shower every day. I force myself anyways, but it’s hard. 

I don’t want to kill my self. I don’t want to put my mom, dad, and sister through that pain. I know it’s incredibly selfish of me. I don’t know what to do though. I don’t want to kill my self, I just want to not exist. 

I’m sorry for wasting everyone’s time. I know everyone on this subreddit are really kind people with golden hearts. I’m not going to kill myself. Or at least not for a couple months. So you guys don’t have anything to worry about. I just had to get my thoughts out there, because I can’t bring myself to tell them to anyone. Not my parents, friends, or even a therapist. I just can’t. So Thankyou for listening.",0.3637878787878783,2.5008703282828293,2.6203367003367006,92.30606060606064,85.61616161616162,5.754882154882155,19.94276094276094,7.106945922332613,0.4380659932659934,2181,65,482,32,66,740,231,594,0.251,0.586,0.162,-0.9979,2,0,2,1,0,2,77.0,0,1,4,11,28,53,15,3,19,0,41,22,6,5,3,82,110,32,8,5,25,12,9,5,2,5,12,2,1,6,21,18,0,0,24,2,3,6,24,31,0,3,26,14,95,22,60,78,9,46,0,8,2,4,40,22,1,9,22,304,116,7,0.05096877462186146,0.0,0.049738171696806506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241010350879401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03563855229864325,0.0,0.041942958692743816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425567978421161,0.09321027580327304,0.0,0.08674134635114085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051966062617748575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056395979677502726,0.0,0.09861192926874064,0.0,0.043899330896532224,0.0,0.05289754112575667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044603118144102005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118215194092748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266436899665306,0.0,0.06732878987955516,0.0,0.04294339088414231,0.09740569674007962,0.045807448144569406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885671944568905,0.1456484110956022,0.09787603321640144,0.0,0.046584536627174385,0.04335401365594478,0.0,0.0,0.07875669767867627,0.047119810838018486,0.13314540540664266,0.0,0.05793345838695192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046710017497375,0.0,0.2170288333819381,0.09131602154717204,0.3019266770465149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603982433319876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881112271495485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39472578226812544,0.05307613548231418,0.14005552791782114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400301136464774,0.12450384373995722,0.10216820429727964,0.045006361782342366,0.0,0.0428009338684555,0.0,0.05563843836458445,0.0,0.1380039271501527,0.04822788692061899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41785808978534095,0.04068278963269573,0.0,0.03746791388943999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054280081531429096,0.03453776076602839,0.0,0.05423436976346534,0.0,0.05659479246976505,0.0,0.0,0.0353353307555771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051237696164983214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265190215282849,0.052404389148699576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848297639733658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658577390365365,0.057580207637800376,0.0,0.04216189706398785,0.0,0.05100558366133632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705537031413479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057838761433582624,0.0,0.0,0.07664435074674751,0.0,0.044548955559185886,0.0,0.11657447150570505,0.17753602726182582,0.03386138908555625,0.13063493099508472,0.15022968685012628,0.08092702756477141,0.029720302362035364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306029189173762,0.0,0.044020656576941916,0.0,0.0,0.15031351913694538,0.0404566408936554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03710587495989112,0.051761264711696515,0.0,0.0,0.05572635383672042,0.0,0.06564443955912345
suicidewatch,lizardfrizzler,2019/01/25,"I just relapsed really hard and it sucks I had been going to psychiatry and therapy for about 3 months, and it had actually really been helping. My company insurance changed, and my psychiatrist and therapist are no longer in network. I decided to stop going to them and try to find a new psychiatrist who is covered under my insurance. I made an appointment with a new person and had my first meeting today. Getting drilled by psychiatrists kinda sucks, and I'm terrible at actually explaining things anyways. The whole thing sucked, and I freaked out and cut myself \~30 times when I got home. I thought I might even just kill myself. I've calmed down a little bit now, but I'm still kinda hurting a lot. Idk... just needed to share somewhere.",6.636950527169503,7.792085233576647,7.3145498783455025,69.73334955393352,65.27737226277371,11.052392538523925,35.66017842660179,10.980518767755715,4.3351920519059215,595,28,100,17,9,197,92,137,0.158,0.795,0.047,-0.871,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,5,0,6,0,8,0,0,1,0,27,21,12,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,12,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,8,0,1,8,1,15,2,14,12,3,18,0,1,0,0,7,6,3,4,10,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.3282519558614909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361633875007205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791924947025348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108574264889164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371961552974675,0.14305953849448974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787061978296985,0.0,0.19116877818971234,0.0,0.1345142844912427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066226628246684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127320134921043,0.0,0.1687049937159092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800473627596299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607368723950493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856727812530195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298633531049762,0.0,0.15914234147227851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841953206784467,0.0,0.0,0.134245035666353,0.0,0.0,0.1247083221256875,0.0,0.3248715652921365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468541570306067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154894395716629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431413220508484,0.14061162919700207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233617244984208,0.19527774542999204,0.22347156753722086,0.0,0.0,0.13352146939640425,0.09807102921476477,0.0,0.1594213454272665,0.0,0.0,0.11418774311763015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777446708567613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BenTarot,2019/01/25,"Disconnection I don’t know what to say.
I feel like I need someone to talk too. 
Suicide is no longer a crazy idea for me. It seems peaceful. 

Why do I feel like this? ",-0.8394285714285736,1.3079010571428569,0.9628571428571426,100.62714285714287,95.57142857142857,3.942857142857144,18.42857142857143,5.6839178017228535,-0.5657428571428569,127,4,31,1,5,41,28,35,0.226,0.5710000000000001,0.203,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051720136745189,0.4311748263278683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406661254250433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658471039181775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948630763516736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237616047776893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399828052103725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747237250211013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556921395247724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33009178722397753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425545183796433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27230410623526863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burnerusnername,2019/01/25,"Really Just Don’t Know What Do Straight to the chase. I got rejected from my top choice college today, and I’m not suicidal bc of that. It’s just the implecation that’s getting me. I seriously feel like I put my everything I had into the last 4 years of my high school career. I don’t think I could possibly have done better and I was diagnosed with ADHD my senior year but that’s not something I lean on. Still I just feel like I couldn’t have done anything better. I had a 4.04 weighted GPA. I took 5 AP classes my senior year. That might seem like a brag but the average GPA at this college was a 4. I busted my ass and it hurt like hell. But all the suffering through depression and other shit was supposed to be so I can get into this school. I had a 31 on the ACT. I took it three times without any ADHD accommodations. That was supposed to be enough even if it was a little low, I was supposed to be in the middle 50%. But it’s not fucking good enough. I poured myself into my Application. That was fucking impossible to do with my courseload but here I fucking am. So what am I supposed to do. I’m at a damn point where doing my god damn best isn’t good enough. I mean how much longer is it going to be like this. I don’t want to keep dumping effort into my life if it’s not going to be good enough. I stayed late at school and worked harder than some of my friends who were just cool slacking off but I’m not and look where it fucking got me.  And I’m not fucking gifted either. I was at 100% and I was still steps behind some kids in my class. And I heard their was a possibility they made a decision based on my grades without seeing my updated GPA and if that’s true that’s just fucking luck. Why should I give a fuck about life if it’s just going come down to luck. Who says I won’t just die anyway in a car wreck after the next four fucking years of my life at a different college and then what. I spent my whole life working to get somewhere but it could I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I just don’t want to keep trying if It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to apply myself and give 100% effort if I’m not good enough. ",1.883705123736494,3.3805529072847698,3.5682612989427227,90.712615022656,77.32229580573951,6.357825026141512,22.075578017892408,7.0608816371341465,0.4971624724061812,1669,46,375,18,38,557,193,453,0.154,0.721,0.125,-0.9718,1,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,8,19,36,13,0,19,1,45,16,2,2,2,77,90,29,2,13,31,0,3,5,1,4,5,2,0,1,29,19,1,2,8,0,1,10,19,19,0,2,23,8,54,17,44,55,12,53,1,5,2,9,10,26,13,12,21,256,83,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467444869358352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046590008178267486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056378931895284264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189834368933626,0.1211852891955984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059016386656165286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940133735594756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900865041483866,0.06953748977477074,0.07110387444062156,0.07157968793594162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140221617263638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35395224437088785,0.0,0.04525104305371815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157350553541738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928270619244678,0.09788891992538333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293163182944155,0.5067004691998347,0.10738292162812683,0.1314444925302463,0.11680958878401593,0.2298559875738065,0.10958943125747822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060584283592013836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238591086858469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334272400460665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179191687946653,0.0,0.0,0.0753039968198807,0.05584582340582505,0.07728368878292645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356612464842335,0.16735571227431134,0.06866628406136173,0.0,0.0,0.05753220590138487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482701356548425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462885015108091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267962327753172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036366129785117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286250542342894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647652883140761,0.15447231000889414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887274223352796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043890069396660784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448290616308802,0.0,0.20801116733504915,0.0545946064125892,0.0623700807146483,0.0,0.0,0.07032582691650252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052743317400099785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302389062394879,0.10942636623216973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494020187306596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043899250954554166,0.0,0.0,0.039949468397095414,0.0,0.06494066649409834,0.0,0.15223706805594356,0.0465146503665594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122915391510213,0.0,0.0,0.08342826126892433,0.0,0.0,0.061820758594909764,0.07649037843982663,0.0,0.13208482536676916,0.0,0.09975403083047414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764760285186174
suicidewatch,LittleBigBaller,2019/01/25,"I dont want to live I am not good at anything. I have chronic depression and anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder and its all to much. I am not achieving anything in life. I have no friends and life is just a waste of time for me. I just want it to end, i dont care if it gets better i dont care if i can change, i dont care about the future. I just want to die",-0.15209302325581575,1.953626348837212,2.719813953488373,90.88041860465117,87.83720930232559,6.695813953488373,23.71627906976744,7.908726449838941,1.3608269767441863,310,13,72,7,10,109,48,86,0.381,0.556,0.063,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,0,1,16,17,7,1,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,12,6,9,17,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869856709670903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123419651252767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410611015061065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946279494817174,0.0,0.1364841445737031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112318349476724,0.0,0.13390051850206655,0.0,0.4435980920109663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6048334611464967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427182736818567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967913848409912,0.0,0.06740668258183534,0.0,0.0,0.1082143419014376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225873525713432,0.0,0.0,0.11392543113148405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948432193674112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126537126201495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523154784933876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282948249234265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_wheaty,2019/01/25,"I think about it everyday, but today, suicide is the only thing ib care about It doesn't even matter that nothing is wrong.  I just wish I wasn't so weak, I wish I could finally kill myself.",1.318846153846156,3.477883897435902,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,81.8205128205128,5.951282051282053,20.006410256410245,7.1686216300943375,0.4785333333333335,148,4,31,2,4,49,30,39,0.248,0.428,0.324,0.503,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,9,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592359654591481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300666455289856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793694738824913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785304224885186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28130204902213024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439702214102965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337689598543886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781201910480107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891966505047382,0.16292013841949987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24100963329023456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.584775046564166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779944142515488,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SMEGMAISYUMYUM,2019/01/25,"I can't do this So a bit of background. I'm at a CC right now, and I've been doing relatively well until now. I went to a university straight from high school, failed a class, transferred to a CC, and and have been doing pretty well. This quarter at CC, I'm taking business calculus (the class I failed), Calculus 1A, and the second class in our accounting sequence, as well as an intro to business class. I cannot drop any of these classes. And BOY am I dying. I'm so overwhelmed, and confused. I don't have any time to review / study as much as I'd like, each day brings an onslaught of new material, and I'm just dying. The worst part of my day is waking up, realizing whatever dream I had was just a dream, and realizing I now have to go to school. I've been close to having a panic attack multiple times, I've texted the crisis line about 4 times now, and I feel like crying. I am just not good enough I don't think.",3.0553984962406027,4.114941757894736,4.670225563909779,85.75157894736844,73.52631578947368,7.533834586466164,24.624060150375943,7.957251820313856,1.1956691729323312,714,21,154,10,14,241,100,190,0.13699999999999998,0.738,0.126,-0.7986,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,13,13,1,3,13,0,19,1,1,0,0,20,29,16,2,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,4,2,1,3,5,7,3,2,6,1,13,6,22,23,6,23,0,3,0,0,2,8,0,1,13,99,16,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191927197564552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334616764370493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759482444945394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702997714860802,0.2078735920476962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345234790306685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652445050169853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148885027183596,0.11513487242998224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915926413564672,0.13517586988777966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702775476516716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574721927492445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847334147838125,0.0,0.0,0.1556522202448123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909004454160425,0.0,0.1745238132121383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396070021584055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376323130861047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32621110041038576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211745116795447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032667366700354,0.0,0.0,0.28192630694370235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347146493708082,0.14939970657621485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gandalf_Aut,2019/01/25,Walking on train tracks right now. I cant deal with it any more. Depression is killing me. My last attempt failed. Hopefully a train will hit me soon. Im sorry :/,-0.3648958333333319,1.6197489687500024,0.8712499999999999,98.31541666666668,106.1875,4.633333333333333,20.95833333333333,6.42735559955562,0.4936083333333329,125,5,27,2,6,39,29,32,0.379,0.556,0.065,-0.9179,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361674302880966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580381954368981,0.2991182418324121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449348792966284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751301286550243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842221984666545,0.0,0.0,0.2830856898674833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29658165419241656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887599584532467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waaaaaaaaaahhhhhh,2019/01/25,"im ready I'm done being the ugliest, being the worst, having nothing to offer, everyone always being better. Nothing I ever did was impressive, everyone could always do it better. I can't look at anything anymore without getting suicidal, I'm such a burden, but also cannot change, since it's all facts how rubbish I am. I could never become those better people. I've absolutely lost it all. This is literally the only thing I can do to make everyone happy. ",3.7678448275862095,6.1468669770114985,6.147801724137932,70.35549568965517,74.63218390804597,7.5683908045976995,28.11637931034483,8.472884824447931,2.7067482758620693,365,15,54,7,8,129,61,87,0.111,0.6829999999999999,0.206,0.8274,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,4,0,16,0,0,2,5,11,22,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,5,5,4,13,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552977391063389,0.2612251470881445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567320383401578,0.0,0.0,0.12917388366609456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336230529563212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164846846780262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605466567127758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506573847617424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606359881872811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198939416869907,0.0,0.4499779890812047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820109484152728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709871066103815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955578104245952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181623387194571,0.0,0.17135255567732208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047794631684316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106582974221627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012361086426953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938363483732607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882403260487053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984815941054778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170096334291787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428465875648198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131458944338902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,timehascome13,2019/01/25,"Thanks for everything He's gone. I guess I should've take a hint when he didn't write anything for the last two nights while he's been up working like he always do. I don't want to go through a long break up process then die. I will single handedly take care of it all. Well it's time to do it. I am suprised I even lasted this long but honestly I would much prefer if I just died on my 18th birthday. I should have seen it coming once again it's my fault for not planning things enough. I will end it all on February 13th. It was the day when we shared the first intimacy and I think it's a good day in general. I will just leave the ring on a table wear my best dress and put on some make up then I will take the final step of my life. I am feeling pretty relieved now that I've arranged a date and even thought of a dress. I am still not sure about the place but it has to be somewhere in which I can see the sea one last time. If anybody is reading this, think of me as someone who just rage quitted a game. And think of this post if you see a news about a poor 3rd world country girl taking his own life. But also think that now I will be at least completly happy for the first time of my life. I had a fun time hanging around here and most of you guys are good people. Thank you for having me and don't waste your chance like me. Don't give up and be stronger. I am sorry I couldn't be. It's just one of my many flaws. That's it, I guess. I would like to say ""see you on the other side"" but since there isn't any I will just say goodbye friends.",1.1612844317486228,2.588041068047339,2.326523158539075,99.14168639053257,79.14792899408285,5.490471332381146,19.939196082432154,5.935793293072707,-0.363119077739237,1203,28,301,7,29,383,174,338,0.08,0.731,0.189,0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,5,0,6,20,19,1,0,19,0,34,5,2,1,3,47,59,21,2,9,14,0,2,3,1,9,3,3,0,2,21,10,0,0,7,2,1,6,8,2,1,5,7,9,39,17,34,38,10,50,0,0,4,0,21,16,0,7,29,198,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782036027727293,0.0809713680929403,0.0,0.0,0.06617548764655823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007947319706328,0.0866282991361722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212292593760601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921605552530656,0.0,0.0,0.08382565959564077,0.10202976618575317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551636147297626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198895637295225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618953612406571,0.10054929496991667,0.0,0.12854729834505704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745773856324354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920386416563275,0.0,0.0,0.10660052440703018,0.0,0.1655470516507442,0.0,0.0,0.07518299921388064,0.0,0.0,0.09335052441245237,0.05530464436350909,0.16324135432619605,0.0,0.0,0.2144002478948325,0.09635416579456713,0.0,0.10359041891342248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379667706494149,0.0,0.10303934273820037,0.0,0.0,0.20620300131926625,0.1426251632472001,0.0,0.0,0.17223609127186346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649565064877079,0.09865908037660684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715355067828908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132070703726823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363408947787164,0.13188224072653393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746387857087757,0.0,0.10167031387126796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319798334709978,0.0990012743462467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782542397117264,0.0,0.1035032757872594,0.0973383202942719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477279462791865,0.0,0.0,0.2326351621404257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049748065238566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082452130193139,0.0,0.0,0.10893280160061082,0.0,0.0,0.07771347795322475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917153954371079,0.0,0.2926660122521258,0.0,0.0,0.17918360539402092,0.0,0.0,0.06464975967852367,0.24941436611220505,0.0,0.07725484725893055,0.2269736070689708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505967061948314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739713077974014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749516237333461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084428499838381,0.0,0.0,0.138255286084508,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lordofraftel,2019/01/25,Continued suffering I have never attempted suicide I don't currently plan to but the constant thoughts pure despair over the last 5 years have led me to think about suicide repeatedly currently about to be homeless in mid Manhattan with that the thoughts have creeped their way back in. Talking helps just venting,6.647777777777778,9.77002674074074,5.447925925925926,75.2396666666667,68.62962962962963,9.505185185185187,42.28148148148148,9.888512548439397,5.160574814814816,260,17,39,7,5,77,42,54,0.083,0.743,0.175,0.7636,2,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,2,9,8,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,9,5,0,15,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429019194252255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30115755377227515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679548610264404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271640173758752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149376773841428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6096684150123597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399501365701008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785689528500725,0.0,0.4424866904872149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212057661815824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946285489205954
suicidewatch,NShadeX7,2019/01/25,"Life disgusts me. Life is a mistake and failure of a creation. I don't belong here. I contemplate about why I am alive, I wish I could have been aborted, or that my parents never met. I want my body chainsawed in half, and my corpse burned until no ash remains. I would rather not be a part of existence. I want to prove to everyone that I am not lying... When I say I truly hate life. I don't like it. It will solve everything. I am a waste of human life... I just want to disappear knowing everything I hate is finally gone. I just want the clarity of not being alive anymore. I just want to die
",0.6089461358313812,2.8774733606557383,2.8003747072599516,90.50639344262295,85.88524590163935,6.108665105386418,23.46838407494145,7.447530270364453,1.1645695550351287,458,18,97,8,14,155,73,122,0.294,0.574,0.131,-0.9553,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,5,0,14,5,1,0,2,22,25,5,1,10,8,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,3,1,21,1,11,17,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,71,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637726527077721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834312365929739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318493607512346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138730875710514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577965616795404,0.2968310092094512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809007513904209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32607943280361457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075559844766833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665677845409071,0.08067814969991648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736470761076382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833663524737449,0.17882850403880854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313244704879675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487013743293766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901147826694489,0.0,0.18990070164092515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730939071597893,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SinnerOG,2019/01/25,"I'm done. All I do is hurt people I feel. My grandmother committed suicide and I'm convinced I have chronic, medicinally untreatable depression and anxiety. I'm done. It's hard talking with my parents as they get scared instead of listening to what I have to say. I feel numb. I'm done crying. I wouldn't even leave a note because I don't care anymore. People can try and stop me if they will, but if I'm at the point where I want to do it - I'm going to do it.",0.7720408163265304,2.7795384489795936,3.2830204081632672,88.97983673469388,82.87755102040815,6.777142857142858,25.106122448979587,7.908726449838941,1.4948865306122452,360,15,79,7,10,125,61,98,0.209,0.726,0.065,-0.8762,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,13,2,0,0,2,14,26,7,1,4,3,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,5,13,2,8,21,1,5,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326658311389193,0.0,0.18572870840723948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141624729285094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094163703541875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571526449356226,0.0,0.0,0.16130162040178364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749489419172316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369485690864312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938600859531132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784463317567504,0.0,0.10643397658291903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776363037194467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004841687355204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982995663082704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794922257908235,0.0,0.0,0.2596689285192639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703753394472105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148930385401502,0.1874971973292837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657216613466007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485091440631573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052635905097184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714895907298585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104609738231754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trumpster15,2019/01/25,"Can't tell if I'm actually suicidal or not      So for the vast two years or so I've been really I guess ""down"" about a lot of things. Over the last year alone I've had a lot of problems mounting up, luckily debt isn't one of them I guess. Anyway, since about August, I've been been kind of waiting to die. I haven't actually attempted anything but it wouldn't take much. The last month I have been considering actually ending all. The thing is, I'm just too much of a pussy I guess. There are 3 main things that have saved me I guess. 
1. I know that it would destroy my family.
2. The few friends I have would suffer 
3. According to my beliefs, it would be a one-way   ticket to hell.
Back to my original question, am I actually suicidal, or just an average person who is being a baby about things, feeling Sorry for myself? I'm not asking for counseling because I already have plenty. And I'm not asking for someone to call the hotline.",1.894514619883044,3.925303831578951,4.052982456140352,84.80532163742694,79.10526315789474,7.380116959064328,24.239766081871338,8.344100000000001,1.6107836257309942,728,26,150,15,18,250,106,190,0.173,0.752,0.075,-0.9648,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,2,0,12,0,22,0,0,1,1,30,36,8,3,6,10,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,7,4,0,2,5,1,16,3,20,25,7,13,2,1,0,0,9,4,1,11,9,106,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.4227481846164033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216812163553876,0.11951385613416787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912324799996969,0.0,0.20249534140091213,0.0,0.0,0.08327748744104285,0.0,0.06601984207024031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058836394135983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240028894659272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592335084528447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209740669654463,0.0,0.05476070225635958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367379075822813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772270770903842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277977836810615,0.05951990006153804,0.1765610309327682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414883018388314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644555517235371,0.0,0.15922873758487455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677636075525066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456505464701244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363030601791053,0.0,0.0,0.12132293068906395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938097988162956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958846312463535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176386099900567,0.0,0.0,0.12123512686567932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369294334666067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142956162723895,0.0,0.0946606471786128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878039195282222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579523392427012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596501896836246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308037189260924,0.0,0.0,0.13948576469067536
suicidewatch,angtanaka,2019/01/25,"May be triggering to others I barely turn 18 not that long ago. My life been pretty chaotic and I don’t really know what I want to do anymore. In 2018 my only friend at the time stabbed me and tried to sexually assault me. She still trying to find my new address and harassing me online. I also got kicked out of my dad’s that year. I been abused by my father for pretty much my whole life mentally and physically. (Let me just say I hope none of you have to suffer or deal with any type of pain it really does suck) It’s been a couple months since I lived with my step grandma and she really religious. I’m your little basic goth emo girl so she hates it and so did my father. She keeps trying to make me change and repent. She will shove her religion down my throat everyday and if I don’t read the Bible it will equal a punishment. I started to just do basically whatever she wanted because I respect her as a woman that’s my family but now I don’t think I respect her. My mom went to a hospital in another state since she needs a big surgery. I have to stay here due to my job while I help pay her medical bills off plus save for schooling. Ever since my mom left I been constantly getting beaten up and it’s so embarrassing because she an old woman and I don’t want to lay my hands on her. I can’t even leave my room or get up that’s how much pain I’m in. She took my heart medication and I feel like I’m gonna die because my heart beat is really irregular and it either really slow or really fast. I been calling out of work because I’m just mentally out of this world. I use to abuse drugs and I hadn’t touched them in a while and I miss feeling that high to get rid of all this pain. She keeps telling my friends that I’m just focusing on school meanwhile she has my phone and trying to control every aspect of my life that she can. The beginning of this year however  was very shitty because my dad and I have a really bad relationship. I love this man to death and he just wants money from me. I gave him like 3000 dollars last year plus not mentioning I buy groceries, my phone bill, buy my siblings clothes, and just be the mom in the house. I did everything in the house besides pay the bills. I was accepted to the top school in my state and couldn’t go because my dad force me to be here or else he would ruin my brothers life plus mine. Anyways he been pushing me to give him another 10,000 dollars for this one medical bill I had. It was 4,000 with all the insurance taken off so I gladly paid for the 4000 even tho I was a child at the time. He wants me to pay him 10,000 still for him giving me insurance or else my bill would of been that high. He didn’t even care I was alive and healthy he just wanted a reason for money to be his. He took every single check until I could finally get my own bank account. He hasn’t had a single penny since because I don’t owe him anything. This made him angry and one day he called me saying he wants his money. I told him since I was a kid he would have to pay for it even tho I already paid it all off he didn’t want to hear it. So he got angry and he threatened to kill me and saying how I should try overdose again and do it the right way. He drove to my step grandmas with a shotgun and lucky my uncle got him to go back home before he broke into the house. Now having all this happening within a time span of 7 months I legit don’t understand life meaning anymore. I’m usually positive and always can get through these hard situations but after my dad trying to kill me it was the icing on top of the cake. I can’t even handle my step grandma beatinf me because it’s just so heart breaking. I have no family to go to because they all don’t talk to me because my dad made me seem like I’m such a shitty person. The only people I keep fighting for is my mom and my brothers. My mom use to treat me like shit and so do my brothers. My brothers are little tho it just hurts getting I hate you Letters from them. I hadn’t talk to my two closest friends because every time I talk to them it doesn’t feel like they are my friends. I don’t feel cared about besides at work because they can tell I’m not okay anymore. They use to call me sunshine and now they just ask if I’m okay and if I need to take a break. It breaks me to know I really let all of this effect me to this point. I love this world and all love all my family and everyone but I really dislike their actions. I don’t want to give up but that’s the only thing on my mind. I know the energy you put out is what you will attract and let me just say I hope I do find peace and happiness again because I truly do love myself I just dislike how I keep managing to get hurt this easily. I hope all of you have a great day and never have to worry or suffer at all. I hope you guys find peace and your bliss in life. Thank you for listening and sorry for my grammar I’m still trying to fix my horrible English skills. 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suicidewatch,Shinsei-,2019/01/25,"Meaningless life I feel no significant desire nor purpose. No matter what could happen, I could be the luckiest person on Earth but I would still feel unhappy. I don't want to be an individual, I want to feel part of something greater. There's nothing worth experiencing for me, if not shared. But we are bound to be alone, aren't we? We are still imprisoned in our selfishness. Our perceptions differ from those of the others, though we reject any perspective beside our own. When I feel the desert inside I want to turn into sand too, but would that be of any use? Even if I killed my own pain, it would continue to linger in the hearts of other people. I hope someday mankind will widen its tunnel vision and escape this cage.",4.047391304347826,6.253591057971017,4.6283333333333365,82.36250000000003,73.20289855072464,7.7884057971014515,23.818840579710145,8.59863814320734,1.6288144927536232,578,17,108,11,12,184,93,138,0.254,0.631,0.115,-0.9709,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,7,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,5,0,14,3,1,1,0,30,25,9,1,12,6,0,5,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,6,18,2,15,15,4,8,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,4,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771892392830225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268309954821234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731899313399961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874415893961784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299797281898954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460165699105082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128714762356904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027328597633112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699229160412161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927676002018906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084019624550114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415768463284894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820431898850452,0.0,0.0,0.18526501175903076,0.0,0.1186066391928768,0.14938210474902638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170719487912685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732524318280331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680870852985151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608796560141694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477598205538466,0.0,0.0,0.3027255885064561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645949917311409,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stillrobin,2019/01/25,"I hope it ends soon, somewhat at peace, mostly scared, hopeless and disappointed I have been struggling with depression for quite almost 9 years now. I am 24 now. In May, I'll be 25. I have made a terrible choice today. First a brief about how I got into this position. It maybe a bit long but not longer:

I started my life as a happy and intelligent kid. I was always good at studies and in sports. But I was always alone. This loneliness left me with my thoughts and I never got a way of thinking clearly. Basically my thought processes were not normal. I did think maybe it's ok, and that maybe I'll do things in a different way but that someday I'll reach somewhere. So I completed schooling, and started college. I wanted to take a year off to prepare for a better college and in a field of my interest. My father refused to agree and I didn't resist which I regret. And so the anxiety came. And I was already alone. Now I was almost isolated. For 3 years, somehow due to some miracle I guess, I managed to survive and pretty much nailed my exams (Without studying a single book. I just skimmed through Wikipedia before exam days.) So the bachelor was over after three years and I had a Gold Medal in mathematics. These three years sucked but they were over. I went to law school - first decision I took and I was proud of it. The pride didn't last long though. I went to a law school in Mumbai without knowing how to speak English. The year was 2013. I was bullied for not speaking English. I felt ashamed and bullying continued. It became almost unbearable after a humiliation during a Moot Court. So, long story short, I left the law school in March 2014. I went back to my parents place. I did nothing there for two months but somehow learnt some English and weirdly with an accent that was an amalgamation of British and American accents due to YouTube being my only friend or those two months, and most youtubers I watched were either Brit or American. I was weirdly surprised. I got interested in Western culture and could completely relate to it. I gave IELTS, scored an 8 and applied to Universities in Auckland and Dublin, and also at UCL London. I got accepted but didn't get scholarship. This was May 2014. That led me to the next part.

In 2014 August, I started working as an accountant. It was a clerical level job requiring a few to none skills. I stayed there for 23 months. In July 2016, I moved to a Delhi and started a masters in Statistics. I still don't know why I did that. My best guess is that I was stuck in that job and more importantly I was stuck with my parents and they reminded me of my failures. So this time around, I did some small projects in Statistics during following two summers in 2017 and 2018. Travelled to Netherlands and Israel for exchanges on scholarships. Meanwhile, everyone was going gaga about Data science and machine learning. I looked into it and thought it maybe a good idea to learn it. So I came to France. But soon after coming here, I realised that I really do not like Machine Learning. I am just not good at Programming and I have no previous exposure to almost every computer science course I have to take. I did manage to pass the first semester. But real downfall lies here - I had to do an internship during April-June 2019. Due to having no previous experience in the field (less likely since it's internship) and being from outside EU, I could not find an internship. Then I got interview at a really awesome company and I managed to get to the final round. There I got rejection. That was in December. Then I took a small break, went to Sweden for Christmas and applied to research lab in my college. I got interview and I accepted the offer. The topic seems very difficult (beyond my ability - way beyond) but I accepted as going without an internship was not an option. Meanwhile, the company that was giving me scholarship to study in France sent me an email asking me if I was interested in an internship position with them. I wasn't interested in that because the functions required were not at all what I wanted. Then the dreadful week came (This week - this bloody week), I had to choose between one of them. I couldn't decide anything. Till Friday (today) 5:30 PM, I hadn't decided. I was throwing up and my brain was all fuzzy. I decided to choose the college one. And sent emails. Now, I realise that I made a blunder and I don't think I shall be able to do that research. Really it's like asking a color blind person to see Colors. So, all backed-up stress of past two years is coming to me. I am in distress and as usual I have no one. I don't know how it can get better now. Because in this semester, I have to take courses that are literally beyond doable for me. I can't quit this education as I am not financially strong and can't go live on the streets. Since I have already sent emails to the company rejecting their offer and to the lab at college accepting their offer, the road is pretty much blocked now. 
Now all I can think of is suicide. I discovered this page and I thought maybe someone has experience in dealing with a situation like this - feeling hopeless, disappointed, regretful and utterly suicidal.

I didn't proofread so there maybe mistakes. At this point, I really don't care for it.",3.6770811260452665,5.973912430278888,4.72042686397268,80.87040300337114,74.59760956175299,7.799640996453746,29.558863447309665,8.650302837175136,2.5679889803423657,4176,186,750,85,91,1362,410,1004,0.14800000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.118,-0.9848,5,2,0,0,0,3,128.0,0,0,6,18,40,48,1,6,53,1,80,3,1,6,6,158,146,75,2,11,27,3,3,4,1,3,2,2,0,2,44,55,0,4,29,3,7,24,30,21,0,12,69,11,111,27,121,67,22,142,0,9,7,0,32,54,1,22,63,544,155,33,0.050363507279001685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172711018546585,0.10432280940392133,0.11115476530064462,0.04027567857518364,0.08381294518515754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852794521745488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144487524169012,0.044834199161916236,0.09416616146425796,0.0,0.0,0.03872642834377636,0.0,0.06140225316021077,0.0,0.04285563524684301,0.0,0.052853393707835435,0.08908485888253967,0.0549839059146461,0.0,0.0,0.05622233033525173,0.0,0.17280730600724725,0.05134895222274922,0.0,0.0,0.08676740406232146,0.10561035835241804,0.0,0.0,0.08042232489279476,0.0,0.0,0.032480295725953595,0.0519225645504672,0.04337801502103402,0.0,0.0,0.05261914578045332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446071187682594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424334270428165,0.048124489485775135,0.0,0.0985303482364499,0.0,0.0,0.02546530253433911,0.0,0.04835686504046086,0.05517076047535899,0.046031333241143016,0.12851752068992764,0.0,0.0,0.03891072079167523,0.0,0.0789385616285178,0.048313265354526805,0.08586822544241207,0.1267275612756248,0.2819620829547593,0.0,0.11096216259967394,0.0,0.0,0.05361289000410978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050022326568069486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685426945081756,0.0,0.0,0.09995601951550097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303539944311096,0.04105298036015954,0.0,0.0,0.10944019604053762,0.0,0.03557323461701818,0.09842026279001824,0.0,0.044471899629585414,0.13371035728430306,0.0422926617409289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531033665210592,0.0,0.0,0.3035814742633801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120599013042637,0.0535284378401625,0.07404594549896996,0.0,0.03884344162530475,0.0,0.05356216135275112,0.0,0.049345543948328525,0.048325143545504816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238284785019393,0.03830371675223677,0.0,0.0,0.11184542942816007,0.054538770495202615,0.04807766644744058,0.0,0.04397547194498984,0.05261914578045332,0.0,0.04760979330283288,0.0,0.0,0.10247558582088677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713557871573323,0.0,0.057324697258447875,0.1290566095769457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504226567711623,0.2038822325827125,0.04013319471609558,0.04584904550575485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332242732662819,0.0566106923298338,0.0,0.0,0.042672836281739616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259019868650702,0.053680797681545434,0.04022036197020525,0.0,0.057691227427567486,0.052650872897798386,0.0,0.11017900527044497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360126897398028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033459276357726116,0.12908360750036307,0.04948189019212584,0.15993199648469322,0.029367366106982783,0.0,0.09547743210031387,0.0,0.11191141940145577,0.0,0.0,0.1967913140310276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546828796510625,0.04155516799834847,0.05941140293326853,0.11992862354930732,0.12119570297786032,0.0,0.0,0.1867499032720903,0.04544523177685431,0.0,0.0,0.14564587137302773,0.0,0.03666523312558994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270271321866056
suicidewatch,ElusiveOne_,2019/01/25,"I have always had a deep desire to die The past 4 years have been somewhat of an experiment. 
4 serious suicide attempts (prescription med overdose)

Before and after:
Moved 6000 miles away for a fresh start
I’ve gone from incorrect diagnosis (Biploar) to another diagnosis (BPD)
Completed 13 week Psych treatment
I’m now almost 11 months sober (booze)
I don’t take any psychiatric medication
Have lost 18kg (39lbs)
Stopped smoking

I was suicidal before and I am still suicidal after all these changes. 

Basically, I’ve transformed my life and listened to the doctors. But...I still have a very deep desire to die. All the changes don’t change me. 

I don’t know where to turn. I do know that I am destined to die by suicide and I’m just biding my time until then. 

",2.4362082362082376,5.310097846153852,3.681759906759908,82.81614413364416,84.52447552447552,6.8141414141414165,27.524864024864026,7.984000788550335,2.28233209013209,604,28,108,13,18,196,94,143,0.232,0.718,0.051,-0.9826,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,0,13,4,0,0,2,14,23,6,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,1,10,0,14,18,3,21,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,14,59,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322160551561455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023914501051668,0.0,0.0,0.08368148274054436,0.12903368562166584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561403395081052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094211402979995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498321103202606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905269811349434,0.0,0.12902061506061213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831343591326647,0.0,0.0,0.12595180059074002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037120534315475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525539824043847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691724337621398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343288488922329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668614046672173,0.12396476351431727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822116618865134,0.13078777652331272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746972915343235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709881977086772,0.0,0.19654344215138345,0.10287932161410523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5384079080320161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252189414842177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175424261300864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384828474378666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153309614200796,0.0,0.0,0.09870713684307077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924325575397258
suicidewatch,coldman1,2019/01/25,"My dad called me an absolute failure and wants to disown me Please help.

I don't know if I'll. Make it through the night. I've tried the suicide helplines in my country but they are closed right now.

I just need someone to talk to",0.4287500000000009,2.7952210416666716,1.0508333333333333,101.7775,88.58333333333334,4.033333333333334,22.583333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.10406666666666677,182,7,42,1,6,55,40,48,0.103,0.823,0.07400000000000001,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,6,3,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408723614233897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375567208344446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834613350136804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228305917861441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752679888562704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132718843999768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664392952248383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850844856065741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828486006777807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651500600881167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683156636698577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266450710273757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689846806796013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icanthelpitihave2go,2019/01/25,"What's the point Every single thing I do I mess up. I can't help it I'm a fuck up. I try to change and every time I take one step forward I take a million steps back. I just want to go home but Im such an idiot that I put myself in a position where I can't even do that. I remember a few years ago when I came to college and thought that maybe I could do something with my life and maybe I was the kind of person that could live a happy life with people that loved me I was so fucking stupid. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought this year was gonna be better and I tried everything I could to make it but I just dug myself deeper into this hole. I try to fix myself but its exhausting, I just want to go home. And I can't. I just don't want to feel stressed and sad and self hating and hopeless anymore. I did last summer but now Ive just sunk back into the shit. I am trying to love myself but every time try to do something good and be a better person I get myself in a whole new load of trouble. Its not worth it. A fucking degree? A ""happy"" life? Fuck no I hate myself and I always will. I need to go. I just thought id let you guys know because reddit always has something you can't find anywhere else lol and I'm looking for any reason I should believe life will get better and I have found none.",0.20041307471264247,2.0239774201388907,2.2956034482758625,96.2925,83.8263888888889,4.5279693486590045,18.26436781609195,5.250760702829517,-0.5672393678160916,1019,24,238,4,29,342,140,288,0.174,0.679,0.147,-0.7989,0,0,3,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,0,3,15,24,9,1,13,1,28,12,1,2,0,49,60,19,0,8,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,4,15,17,0,0,10,0,1,8,9,15,0,2,9,2,43,9,22,41,4,28,0,2,1,6,9,9,5,0,13,160,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539682433347468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154645904440982,0.0,0.0,0.05784085271447995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870497359404962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080530200648166,0.0,0.05184921907335264,0.0,0.0,0.09582874679496384,0.0,0.2256747982326149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728116266642978,0.0,0.0,0.08997774600024099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373037765608967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105319698366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617854597560689,0.0,0.21498951014408346,0.0,0.07644265807297244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043006762192490784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773944956811843,0.0,0.0,0.09325928166443832,0.0,0.31453082275929506,0.08887627765131388,0.0,0.1450174937648289,0.07134075976079958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421860284455343,0.0,0.18108693645007626,0.0,0.1679499635352912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057011101981880724,0.0,0.17063578133045396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187484698389756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885725147514096,0.0934888736701732,0.0693318196892255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697530621748327,0.24030967462943384,0.0,0.0,0.07510581934138941,0.0,0.0714254403036012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535323394363351,0.0,0.056775399142798486,0.0,0.1708999431950631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306778926817241,0.0,0.08214741033247154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763600339646139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896697406760462,0.14853486713463945,0.0,0.0,0.08040521238055312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550455978305799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745151636856557,0.0,0.0,0.09635162748094624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873173714931262,0.0,0.08730854438009876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644030379255994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974311180958718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790273491917228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650728631671063,0.0,0.0,0.2025743852005835,0.09919342828774294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887364851518406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050432293281454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496175009208524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109546277971498
suicidewatch,IAmSadAndAshamed,2019/01/25,"I don't know if this fits here or not, but I'm desperate So first off. I'm suffering from a bit of anxiety according to my therapist, nothing chronic, but I do still have relatively frequent panic attacks. That is however not what this is about.

I'm am, frankly said, terrified that my friend is gonna kill herself. I haven't seen her in to days and every time I text her she says that she can't keep going. She has basically been the only way of me staying sane for what feels like an eternity; she's the only one I entrust my deepest fears. She seems to be getting worse, and I believe it's my fault for putting stress on her by always venting to her. She has promised that she would try to keep going until Wednesday, but also said that I could in no way help. I don't know what to do.

I don't want to lose her, but I'm afraid I might and I don't know what to do.",2.9766513377926422,3.7428073423913055,4.4876086956521775,88.09819397993313,73.40217391304348,7.835451505016723,27.74080267558529,8.139509932561175,1.5863056856187288,677,25,153,10,13,227,106,184,0.222,0.6829999999999999,0.095,-0.9819,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,2,4,4,0,21,1,0,0,0,22,40,12,1,4,8,0,1,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,12,3,0,2,5,0,0,3,9,9,0,2,4,5,29,3,20,31,1,19,0,2,1,0,18,5,0,4,9,104,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148989860800423,0.12640912050153555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621793408907186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283026254805586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711611534883413,0.0,0.0,0.16585665073706188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121295288405964,0.0,0.0,0.09797545253366606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279986565440112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095157421464488,0.07681501919685298,0.10853125803632774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922257393979614,0.0,0.0,0.1173725605869182,0.0,0.07937162234364327,0.0,0.17267860524764728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182837930395423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700659066962853,0.16807632025517524,0.0,0.2504728068178224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422015078536719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995896215367928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116248813307152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577077276553027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294452503802058,0.2310831166184884,0.0,0.17824469670321516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272096912938207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890202993450936,0.1208124137412579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830172667035026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619258792959519,0.12132303838446715,0.0,0.1740231727607715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639014611105985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858543063554604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314330825696576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960600508627392,0.2411731153993999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481885930783895,0.10791919125394274,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ROCKYROADHOEHOEHOE,2019/01/25,"Can’t find work. Behind on bills. Ready to end it I’m just not strong enough. I can’t take it anymore. I try and try applying to many many jobs, showing my face, and barely get interviews and nobody wants me. Am I that bad? I spent my last getting coaching on interviews and revamping my resume and I just can’t take it. I’m tired. I’m a responsible person who is in a bad position and it disgust me. 

I’m ready to end it ",-0.5670000000000002,1.6176839666666682,2.150555555555556,93.0025,92.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,19.722222222222214,7.1686216300943375,0.5655555555555556,327,11,74,6,12,113,51,90,0.18,0.741,0.08,-0.8807,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,11,15,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,10,1,7,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,41,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800574196652696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35024831330856704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715348088666028,0.21671750869238487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169857939571994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916100850196446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081346073857125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096611070932258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252869225089447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313689625170546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153967865870768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241065300088934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28479941306927314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371009853821345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269323324978612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Usedbees,2019/01/25,"My slow walk into death Lately I've been been having serious thoughts about suicide. Never had them before but been depressed as long as I remember. I'm scared. These thoughts aren't coming from a recent traumatic event or anything. That's what scares me the most. This is a rational thought. I want to die. 

I've always just shuffled through life. Faking being normal for the people around me. That's all my life is now. 24/7 pretending. I'm no longer an individual, I'm a machine putting on fake smiles so my family doesn't have to know I want to kill myself. 

I've done therapy, anti depressants, you name it. Nothing helps. And I'm tired of watching the world pass me by as I stand motionless.",1.6484444444444468,4.383391659259264,2.8935185185185186,87.67583333333332,87.96296296296295,5.962962962962964,23.055555555555557,7.3871296695380915,1.3107777777777772,554,21,104,10,18,178,99,135,0.35600000000000004,0.5920000000000001,0.053,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,1,1,0,5,8,1,2,7,0,12,3,0,0,2,19,23,7,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,1,0,4,4,8,0,0,8,1,13,0,15,14,2,16,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,2,7,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724157700490844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572986904052908,0.14682973335778174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035003666391727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207942865899795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28412160797726416,0.0,0.17117953891047424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687887754169808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548880849028696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055442284608648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824793903911552,0.0,0.09064557701780218,0.0,0.1860571778294546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330010862746655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596488450201214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721030559606167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616041592303554,0.15826239954990046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434719832456608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580818347501855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628563151415054,0.0,0.18684253059733155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33026329843266355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041533324885228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886209061555256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928268961783801,0.0,0.18957189594666696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945693380091304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CocoGrasshopper,2019/01/25,"i've tried to kill myself twice in the last six months. my life has already ended, i'm just a husk without a soul. i don't want to die, which i guess is an improvement. i'm having at least one severe panic attack a day. i was abused by my last partner, took a long time to recognize it. i don't want to die, i just want to stop hurting, and at this point i'd do anythin to make the hurting go away. if i had the means to end my life, i'd try again, but i don't and i just spend my days shivering in fear, too terrified to leave most days. too terrified of people. i'm either terrified of something or i'm busy going over past hurts in my mind and hating myself for allowing them to happened. i tried so hard to be somebody but it just didn't work out. i'm so goddamn lonely it hurts. everything hurts. nothing but hurt. i don't know how to make it stop. it's overriding my brain, and i don't know what to do. i don't know why god hates me so much. i don't know what i did to make him so mad at me. 

i don't know what to do. i can't take much more of this. i need this to stop. my mind is a nightmare. ",-0.1646341463414629,1.4618775975609744,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097557,84.0,5.5634146341463415,18.78658536585366,6.6274283507984215,-0.17741951219512142,843,21,213,9,24,288,120,246,0.311,0.64,0.048,-0.9973,0,2,1,0,1,4,30.0,0,0,1,1,12,14,5,2,9,0,21,3,1,5,0,38,47,14,3,5,11,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,12,5,0,3,6,0,1,3,11,14,0,3,5,1,30,0,30,41,6,28,1,7,0,0,3,10,0,4,15,132,42,1,0.0,0.10753301024200287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015335694334604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324996344189044,0.08526982811652159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131558648022304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755935866178111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838428653437092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076873271705985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156715088287067,0.0,0.0,0.10212762237219812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315936234870213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997981686158353,0.0,0.08025671687700056,0.0,0.08130105484215537,0.17920883917168892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5829478425525159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040992628226224,0.0,0.2493902376224675,0.1479592452731449,0.0,0.09609927896684584,0.0,0.0,0.12820966711022164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031769100734762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817443688533857,0.0,0.0,0.09886172027329093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327876980950605,0.0,0.07244191446406914,0.0,0.13343467533232026,0.06729566988860305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708444190873227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061499752936861836,0.0,0.0,0.10648458289068796,0.0,0.0,0.08663847520508819,0.06291994799928602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579534327224914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025303454895967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986969624398723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763245354395656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682384805845244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292153318381415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083512212036044,0.18485552211400866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059369371308704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189468993452116,0.0,0.0,0.08748716502613088,0.0,0.06607267211092584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depresseur,2019/01/25,"This weekend I take my life if I don't get my shit together by the 27th I can't motivate myself to do anything at all. Even with all online classes this semester. I failed math last semester, my relationship with my parents is deteriorating, I gave up looking for a job, and I can't get force myself out of bed no matter how hard I try. I cant eat properly, I can't exercise enough, I can't wake up on time, I can't dream anymore, I can't take care of myself a lot of the time. I can't think of anything else to do except ending it all. I find no help from drugs, prescribed or otherwise. I will be alone forever. I will continue to be a burden and a self pitying failure if I stay alive for others. I am so tired of being bedridden without reason and getting nothing done. I am so tired of forcing myself to do things I have no chance of succeeding in. I am tired of beating myself up in my mind over mistakes from the past, even when others no longer remember them. I will continue to be a coward until the very end.

Death is the only solution. Faith is meaningless. Perseverance is delusional. Living for others is pathetic. My life has no meaning or significance. Everything about me is a relic from the past, my mindset, my interests, my personality. I no longer wish to live as there is no meaning. Everything is pointless. The world will never be a better place, pain and suffering will continue to exist. If faith had any significance then the ultimate sin would be to bring life into this world. I hate everything, kindness and happiness only exist to convince you to stick around longer and suffer more. We all die in the end, so whether or not my death causes pain for my loved ones and close friends is irrelevant.

Im going to livestream my last words on Instagram when that day comes, for anyone I know who for whatever reason still concerns themselves with a human failure like me. I will let them know that I no longer can live for the sake of others who don't want me to die because ""we'll be sad"". I feel basically nothing anymore, but when emotions resurface, they are negative. I will end the stream with my will, to partition my belongings up to those I think they belong. I will throw myself from a bridge in the middle of the night. The water beneath will be too shallow for any chance of survival, as the height is too great. The temperature will be too cold, so in the event I don't die upon impact by some deus ex machina, I will die, paralyzed, drowning, and freezing to death. The location is desolate enough for my plan to go without confrontation. I only need to drive safely to my destination.

Im sorry for the long post. Take care, and I hope you all are more successful in your attempts to live. Goodbye reddit",4.7110150375939845,5.981002808270677,5.751203007518799,78.76484962406015,69.78947368421052,8.908270676691727,30.353383458646608,9.276330184999452,2.6978300751879694,2162,87,405,44,38,716,251,532,0.168,0.72,0.112,-0.97,2,1,1,0,0,0,63.0,2,3,4,10,17,30,3,0,28,0,59,15,2,5,6,63,86,29,8,9,12,2,3,1,1,14,10,0,1,3,14,19,2,1,12,3,0,6,24,13,0,1,3,5,69,17,76,59,11,58,3,5,1,1,21,25,1,9,26,301,83,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755801061899728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184838751294638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853108762750578,0.052361154089007815,0.0,0.1232475272652002,0.06666329855498379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564904482385405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622947053172609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269997441678065,0.07692725993311922,0.0,0.06450657611791084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048294464752537465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108741655503013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663309243322247,0.0,0.0,0.08684252858649356,0.07662578800227565,0.06255659452453287,0.08423525767187172,0.26530262448867625,0.1547519167965247,0.0,0.09892133417675412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019047376523214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786397654854591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844329926929628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785576737430442,0.0,0.11737256379529265,0.0,0.08511745135123783,0.0,0.0,0.08256069451155787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971620235330018,0.0670820216679882,0.07393318116074972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050193665330742016,0.0,0.0,0.07437744741194545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177674738820255,0.0,0.07431155341110401,0.0,0.0,0.0779809371926791,0.08230939367984991,0.12208212201751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657472423014447,0.1586799276558826,0.03658490329299843,0.0,0.26449840324861634,0.0662706418623736,0.06288432466783872,0.0,0.0,0.06366433135647889,0.0675864050616187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314287863504606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561224409396332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552608873763746,0.05775573099051427,0.0,0.0,0.07027425931459443,0.0,0.1437078628415829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074384049624114,0.1708596665058012,0.15936529454442205,0.0,0.08315064608439783,0.0,0.14297192286798388,0.0,0.06538646993064468,0.07823861896590306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171888459709916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539879775228608,0.0,0.08039819011109173,0.08482981692562258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812111963917946,0.0,0.07686811348641721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382733988713527,0.0,0.07981717326077015,0.0598030532078029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891202366496752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049750096376506216,0.09596624035007363,0.0,0.0,0.0873317927456711,0.2582069913523523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084182554160181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061787756278906,0.04416896214659232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611375980543824,0.1443724416945875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319597351535568,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ecletico,2019/01/25,"Serious health issues I'm currently waiting for some lab results. It's possible that I have a serious, chronic, progressive ilness. I feel like at the end of my life. Or at least the life worth living. Thinking about suicide if illness is certain.",3.7940000000000014,6.783064844444446,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000001,78.33333333333334,8.044444444444443,35.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,4.058466666666668,198,12,30,5,5,65,39,45,0.199,0.669,0.132,-0.5106,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,1,1,8,6,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,5,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849446408327581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626691363331899,0.2298337772289108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419687700920908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357876310799016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544746597002061,0.15717405206701346,0.0,0.2840808780530246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626861396946852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519047850545869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061424453777993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Parkerboys3,2019/01/25,Anybody ever tried hanging themselves Idk that's the way I wanna go but I just wanna get some info from people who have don't it ,0.08722222222221987,2.464210222222224,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,94.92592592592592,2.7,17.86111111111111,3.1291,-0.6063999999999998,104,3,19,0,4,35,25,27,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234864630246621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023579441729406,0.0,0.32890059786910003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40121241627892296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39291371045371737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593619558778364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrishaM8,2019/01/25,"That thought that hurts me most There's always that one thought that throws you in a corner and kicks you till you cry, I wish these thoughts away but only the power of my will to live could banish these thoughts, but my will left me long ago so now I lay here alone with thoughts to make me suffer every night

What is there for me if I just suffer my whole life? I've tried everything but whatever I do just never seems right, I've cried for help from friends and family but they never seem to try to help, why must I live in a world where being happy is no longer a choice?

It's times like these that you want it all to go away, that time for me is closer than ever ",4.010277777777779,4.346597821428574,3.962380952380951,94.36039682539685,70.78571428571428,7.079365079365081,21.26984126984127,6.42735559955562,0.008746031746031502,525,8,123,3,9,160,89,140,0.163,0.696,0.141,-0.5661,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,1,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,5,27,20,9,0,5,7,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,5,0,18,3,17,10,3,22,0,3,0,0,8,10,0,4,11,83,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734459498942144,0.0,0.0,0.13710308342641722,0.0,0.0,0.1101486173694097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487458860110267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569259764115224,0.0,0.2908207582141521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974295448305355,0.11153368512910043,0.0,0.11897228869764508,0.0,0.12479364960233225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227446575422748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523313801188654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091822436462298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745958748541604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417127652270614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382845337162944,0.0,0.09350208609817652,0.06467292041524801,0.0,0.233783372970288,0.11714985038249155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836295529248854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419525310533465,0.0,0.0,0.12422724049575527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970236525418117,0.10067899251237716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304959276153664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410228615166426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254644210092121,0.15438067545862902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975115640921793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807963166810793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945003090380198,0.1477946611485468,0.15222749913953498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidalteen78546,2019/01/25,"I'm about to attempt to take my own life for the 3rd time. I have been thinking about this for a while, and I've decided that today is gonna be the day that i finally do it. I've been suffering from severe depression since I was about 9, but I've never attempted suicide until I was 13. Over the years, there have been many attempts at treating my depression, but nothing has ever worked. It actually made me feel worse about myself. I'm sick of constantly feeling this way. I'm tired of bringing my friends down with my issues. I'm tired of everyone being so worried about me my mental health. Over time I thought that I would get better, and I did, but some shit would happen and I would relapse again. I'm really hoping that I'm successful this time, but with my terrible luck,  I probably wont. ",5.145062499999998,5.5386533812500005,6.063750000000002,80.08625,68.3125,9.65,31.0,9.642632912329526,2.7632000000000003,631,24,125,13,10,209,97,160,0.213,0.639,0.14800000000000002,-0.9086,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,6,9,11,1,0,4,0,17,6,1,1,2,23,34,10,1,4,4,0,2,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,8,2,18,6,20,19,2,19,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,3,13,83,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.1456842614470193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203374635332452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132807704617258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627887794077336,0.0,0.2571643219483373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504019963441413,0.0,0.14265177534885093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096973100952388,0.0,0.0,0.16353850218987748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534009940358148,0.0,0.07799719768539913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201552739416786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868693471364748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827738991650666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558186435459508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054470421866774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412606022193585,0.0,0.15135533640167498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504479227544904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514066887186487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432465589643707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095849651521496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563818065070892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686537670667449,0.1532427319324919,0.12349317687860842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329763573538944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224654276288094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565818762505487,0.0,0.11851857275478896,0.2611543700875452,0.3431708586239347,0.14150825640327064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849844190388464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868397056951463,0.1516099479300188,0.15213796591658818,0.3181512830053537,0.0,0.0,0.09613704493975624
suicidewatch,Vall71892,2019/01/25,"I have been thinking of death lately ... Hello suicidal people of reddit!  
/Sorry if my English is off, it's not my native tongue and also I don't have much opportunity to practice!/  


I've been really thinking of death intensively for the last 2 weeks. Also I feel as if my sanity is slipping away.   
But let me tell you how it all started ...   
Since childhood I've always had very bad vision. So in 2012 being in University I decided to heal my eyes naturally using Dr. Norbekov's method. (Though a book. That I found on the internet. Yeah.I am that stupid.) Just to get an idea of the stuff I was doing :   
 The method consist of doing eye exercises like rolling your eyes from one side to the other or up and down, pretty easy stuff. You are supposed to do this 2 times a day + gymnastics in the morning. That was the physical part, but much more important is the mental part. You should force yourself to do things, overcome your laziness by forcing yourself to do things. Sounds great. Also one more thing ... you should FORCE YOURSELF TO FEEL HAPPY and a Me being a 19-year old kid, believing in everything on the internet decided to give it a try.   
So I started doing the method, and it was pretty good at first. I was feeling confident and forcing myself to feel happiness (forcing the brain to release dopamine i guess) felt really good. It actually felt right for some reason. Sooo 3 weeks into doing this stuff some nice things started to happen - took my exams with decent grades(I had one exam left), lower my dioptre by 0.25, which was awesome, gained more confidence, become disciplined. Feeling great, I was feeling almost euphoric vibe all the time. Sooo the 3rd week passes and I start to feel a little bit down so instead of taking a rest from this CRAZINESS, I start to FORCE MYSELF TO FEEL MORE EUPHORIC! (WTF?!? What a DUMBASS you might say, and rightfully so!)   
Soo 15 minutes into doing the eye exercises a sense of anxiety starts to overcome me. It gets bigger and bigger. The next moment it felt as something EXPLODED in my head. I felt like the world ended. Like my SOUL left my body. There was no pain just the feeling of DOOM and AGONY. As if part of me was no longer there or my brain had just burned out. I got frightened, went to the doctor, they checked my blood pressure - it was a little bit high. ""Well not too bad, I'm gonna sleep it of""   
 Little did I know that I had just ENTERED HELL!    


Next day was exam time. Went there. Took it like a boss. But something was strange. The agony and the sense of doom were still there, just not as strong as before. ""Anyway no more exams, it's time to chill"". Went back to my hometown, went to my village with mom and dad. But the feeling of agony was still there, feeling as if my head going to burst. Also as if I had become super sensitive to the outside world and everything was agitating me. Also the top of my head was pulsating for some reason. My sense of self felt different, I felt like part of me was missing. So my 2 days vacation was over and I had to go back to University. There being much more busy town the pressure on me increased exponentially. I started to get insanely angry and envious with my roommates. My head felt like it was burning on the inside. Insanity started taking over. I felt into an existential crisis. Different ideas and silly questions would creep into my mind and wont let me rest for a second. Sleeping become a problem. I started to get very angry with people who question my ideals. Also lost all interest in what I was studying at the time. As if all the things calculated by my subconscious had emerged and I couldn't handle them. Life become crazy chaotic, and reality was slipping out of control. I would spend days thinking something stupid, like ""How can my roommate be so much smarter than me?"" and I would hate him for it. It was very strange because that guy was like my role model before all of this. How did I changed so much. Why?!? So pretty much I was in agony all the time. Nothing was giving me any sense of peace. So I started to drift away from my colleagues in university, stopped going to lectures and became a total outcast.   
One of the most  agonising things was the simple question ""How to treat others?"" For some reason it was driving me crazy and I was always thinking of the problems of other people and how much suffering is there is the world. It pretty much drove me INSANE.  


I'd end it here for now since it is a long as post. To be continued ...  

   


  


  


​",3.000448375611924,5.433383960280377,3.988958611481976,84.61409657320873,77.38785046728971,6.3659101023587015,25.4942145082332,7.492282038375204,1.4497938807298616,3514,131,647,49,84,1132,348,856,0.168,0.684,0.14800000000000002,-0.975,3,0,6,0,0,0,137.0,0,7,2,9,45,40,5,2,49,0,73,21,14,11,7,122,135,64,3,15,20,2,19,8,0,8,7,2,0,3,43,32,0,3,35,3,2,15,9,17,1,6,56,25,79,23,106,63,35,101,4,5,4,0,25,44,1,19,49,473,122,8,0.0,0.0,0.041226914338927514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230420281723277,0.0,0.0,0.20270915180172985,0.07030566845601846,0.04577453639145766,0.05133465014830956,0.02872936449001353,0.0,0.03231878961854827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938477218029343,0.0649705704914295,0.07054885209174762,0.02575333943698936,0.18663368201336425,0.07189806005457439,0.04759782862959969,0.0,0.0,0.09224542225815006,0.046926820864026345,0.0,0.09432310265777301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044691655456587834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738352990076779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089831122205557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827811048774804,0.0,0.043241528099640984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483648966090414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593764210928082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497451670167024,0.0,0.3245094622169785,0.0,0.0,0.035935221305231205,0.0,0.046321583608738025,0.0,0.0,0.08828911937949452,0.0810542192149221,0.07202972017656732,0.07086944932433227,0.033788733227975716,0.09315478990257756,0.046539761833098166,0.041831107675823626,0.03735882507299522,0.08994529571227697,0.0,0.04171010187477702,0.17343017408876624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463620631548329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538329453732597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023217810607751032,0.034436890625386865,0.04765638279525259,0.0,0.09180283691963947,0.0864007066523443,0.0298402595609436,0.1651177476172168,0.12702758252962987,0.0,0.03738720801660735,0.0,0.0,0.04611752008881535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042574973866512066,0.04481732177739935,0.0426573610742186,0.04947909964093091,0.0,0.0,0.2484508655918179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986018924726102,0.0,0.0,0.04053707351166359,0.0,0.044331051553601765,0.0,0.11451046598488827,0.0,0.0449537174404757,0.0,0.0,0.1829972545631832,0.0,0.08786611597293882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040460885571612384,0.17192128365476889,0.0,0.08084922238980499,0.0,0.0,0.1419787075013716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054128936675174696,0.1303106561045533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721573032653228,0.0,0.033596458357453035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407276688983711,0.0,0.0,0.0698942023530515,0.0,0.08455489040615162,0.0,0.0,0.09757126361957344,0.0,0.047291984893518886,0.29902598016883297,0.0,0.06747691368228081,0.03532032932902271,0.0,0.0,0.14508789915652642,0.04621128990423303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635288748058617,0.0,0.03692568327446517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840191823741132,0.10828052029407137,0.04150739911047515,0.0,0.147807165137756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387579844019764,0.02868289568426772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364877874664109,0.0,0.10457443742628733,0.0,0.0,0.10166382881584356,0.0,0.037985068192651,0.15665332789147968,0.0381212877217474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003303144074773,0.0,0.05133465014830956,0.027205641001724325
suicidewatch,ThingImustConfess,2019/01/25,"When people tell to forward to something all I see is death. ""Where do you see yourself in ten years?""

Dead

Fucking Dead.

I've tried so many times before. A few would have worked if it weren't for those meddling paramedics. 

If you want a tattoo when you are a kid they say,""wait until yours ten years older"". Well it's been 14 years and I still want to die. 

In those fourteen dreadful years I've made countless attempts. My dad nearly did the job for me a few times, but he never finished it. Just left me bruised and swollen, sometimes bleeding, for next time he needed his precious little stress doll. If you rely on something, don't break it. Good lesson, not so good execution, literally... 

Here's another one liner I'm sure some of you can relate to,

""You deserve better.""

Bullshit.

What have I done to deserve better than what I've gotten. All I've ever done was waste other people's time, money, and energy. Still doing it to this day. I'm a parasite. Sapping people of their well being. Eating away at all they have until it is mine. And when it is mine it's just gone. Unusable. Takes time for some people to learn that, but they always do and they always run. 

I do have a friend currently though. Guess where I met this poor chap. The mental ward. Ah yes one of my many suicide prevention methods. Not my chosen route, except that one time when I still had at least a small sliver of hope.  Why is it that people who don't care, or who don't like you, or just have nothing to do with you try to stop you from disappearing. Are they preventing my death just to spite me? So you have plenty of time to visit me in the hospital, and you said that you'd come up to see me, yet where the fuck are you? Not here that is. 

I tried to pass on to the unknown two days ago, but was stopped by my fellow mental patient friend who I now live with because I'd be on the streets in this glorious -3 degree Fahrenheit weather. Run-on.

I think he cares, maybe. I wouldn't put it past him if he didn't. I certainly don't fucking care. I look forward to death. Can't be screwed in the head if there is no head. 

I can't even afford to be better. I have 10+ prescription meds for my mental issues and I have no income and no money. It's only a matter of time before I'm off my meds again. When that happens I won't be posting here anymore.

Because I'll be dead.

Fucking dead.

Good night....",1.4306211180124182,3.6453253975155313,2.6892012422360274,92.98786397515528,81.77432712215321,5.023420289855073,20.63308488612837,6.152001189255117,0.09062819047619053,1849,53,389,14,50,594,228,483,0.192,0.705,0.103,-0.9945,4,0,3,0,0,3,78.0,0,14,6,6,30,26,6,2,15,2,48,10,2,1,7,54,76,29,9,11,18,1,0,1,3,3,2,1,0,1,28,11,1,4,3,0,3,9,17,8,3,6,14,5,52,18,49,52,8,70,0,0,4,5,38,23,5,11,41,260,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574509658169335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342675839385127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777118852958728,0.0,0.0,0.0735543232808839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968289549922653,0.0,0.0,0.09042375314339317,0.0,0.12622231865833144,0.0,0.0,0.1967856277372427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22685641361629602,0.0,0.0,0.0638888145142903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095663924093627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697425245382572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179839708662501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589196406487668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489869959860571,0.06708883445526714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460339744594017,0.2742669801153459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662477559825089,0.0,0.0,0.08170396591954254,0.0,0.06558615795036947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223469647293628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366515520932694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741169822170875,0.07359989225707121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058330730073941,0.0,0.0,0.03623453981245541,0.07433541316822738,0.06549134383441874,0.0,0.062282098916802274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017917022488412,0.0,0.15038859739934055,0.07451131642806373,0.0,0.16476695288372292,0.0,0.22423046939666827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499433077301323,0.057202620359905726,0.0,0.07887807705281827,0.0696012622073216,0.0,0.07116580623151136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507736423933492,0.056407796942590585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080136019130473,0.2570923536552492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103205271382583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455891664944415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055036558408795,0.058981047184958064,0.0,0.0,0.17730590841977015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419567388547637,0.07335364638784256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776910078190007,0.1240148582674163,0.08495872771701735,0.0,0.0,0.08112730935267465,0.0,0.06990207909429792,0.0,0.05576480000756668,0.0,0.06482574574902769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752359913005273,0.07286928400048821,0.0,0.3459817614706367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106478240255292,0.0,0.0724509618330939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749193647215822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337114737259725,0.0,0.06692471706229572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053994891367304426,0.0,0.0,0.05268653041850098,0.0,0.0,0.19104599402082675
suicidewatch,metaphoricallyjonah,2019/01/25,"Is forcing people to live a moral evil? No one asks to be born. We're forced to live and work and die, and maybe if we're lucky we find joy and love in the midst of that. But if people choose to die, why do we see that as a bad thing? Life is hard. If people don't want to live, why can't we just give them that choice? Why do we immediately assume that not wanting to live is a sign of mental illness? Why can't we rationally choose death, simply because we're uninterested in life?

I'm 25 and don't particularly want to live until I'm 80+, and I can't understand why that's a bad thing. If I decide now, or in a year, or in twenty years that I'm just…done…why does that have to be a bad thing? My life is my choice and no one else's.",1.6302727272727289,2.2526999818181817,3.717954545454546,92.8969318181818,76.45454545454545,6.712121212121213,19.204545454545453,6.816661863887847,-0.19545454545454571,567,9,147,5,12,195,79,165,0.235,0.703,0.061,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,5,0,1,1,2,7,1,0,7,0,14,5,0,0,0,32,25,16,3,7,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,0,2,10,3,16,23,0,9,1,0,1,1,9,4,0,8,5,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843117318537796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637362098204856,0.06418330874705103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854709803884412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213927364509204,0.10774738991499352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795560205093443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623240586126182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010029784652011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431842713701158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310659134263505,0.0,0.0,0.4648613882370024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502759849437928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577713623250674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610673226506513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426933507217417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898278721070602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390184707872819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984836429218767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960975280935037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630686438876948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700426662724353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665177927077435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560556372484428
suicidewatch,realitysocialcons,2019/01/25,Don't feel human. I'm just confused and need it to end. I've been strong for long enough. I can't bear existing anymore.,-0.9703846153846172,1.131377730769234,1.0142307692307675,99.36826923076923,98.6153846153846,4.138461538461539,18.03846153846154,5.985473137389443,-0.3143538461538462,95,3,22,1,4,31,23,26,0.093,0.772,0.134,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714904110474249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210823655510693,0.4912375316590522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403874118465412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207330959620727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525190425915433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neckdeepshitcreek,2019/01/25,"Going to do it, need courage. Throwaway account for reasons that will become obvious the more I type. My ex girlfriend had a tendency to just pack up and leave, not even for anything specific, and it would devastate me each time. This last time, I think she was planning it, and when we woke up that morning I asked her what was wrong, why she was tripping- and she continued to tell me nothing is wrong. We got into an argument then physical altercation, and I believe she took a video, then said some things while recording that never happened. I was set up, and now I’m neck deep up shit creek, and I’m going to end it. 
I’ve wanted to for years, since before I met my bipolar little love, but somehow she’s convinced me to stay, and no more, she’s gone, and even if she wasn’t, I wouldn’t want her back after this, there is no reason for me to stay, I think a rope may be of good use to me now. It’s funny though, I’ve never seen any use for a rope until now, the video games lied in how useful they are. ",5.7724242424242425,4.8396955265700505,6.171313131313131,84.33454545454549,67.16425120772946,9.07316644707949,30.41238471673254,8.00094639256281,1.8374869565217384,782,24,170,8,11,253,124,207,0.098,0.802,0.1,0.5112,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,1,1,12,7,1,0,7,0,15,4,2,6,3,36,37,18,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,12,13,0,0,4,3,1,5,7,3,0,0,13,2,27,4,22,19,4,34,0,0,1,1,20,8,1,4,18,118,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461143350847534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449003283879446,0.0,0.13006538028495776,0.0,0.0,0.10698041740871617,0.0,0.0,0.1536553323550477,0.11838720850588726,0.15674898761170106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232256210892084,0.0,0.0,0.1837847306093868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581386664154081,0.11669350004003805,0.11127292732999572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230299401706948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340743679780894,0.0,0.14731587587687803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944225001823535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556795104392582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316123761741257,0.21460732509477712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349653580085613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860923702823829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234206009443628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428123230152789,0.11508766023787767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965826898275004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216035192526264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243009242081007,0.1782944981192799,0.136692008360141,0.0,0.16225266406859348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457571059859546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36048432734560176,0.0,0.0,0.16412194350114725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554087925604032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988321451928128,0.3042280411112803,0.0,0.08959351313130558
suicidewatch,jesuschristreddit169,2019/01/25,"I am gonna kill myself because of Porn Addiction. 


I have been a severe porn addict for the past 3 years. Masturbated twice almost every single day. I skip college to masturbate. I watch and think about porn almost 70 percent of the day. I am failing college classes miserably because of it. Yeah, I am fucked.",2.6085467980295576,5.465619017241384,4.120738916256162,80.27672413793105,82.9655172413793,6.0729064039408875,27.25123152709359,7.447530270364453,2.049509359605911,245,11,40,4,7,81,42,58,0.28600000000000003,0.679,0.035,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,3,1,5,6,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,7,0,6,6,2,4,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,4,25,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180033877252627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758122338064103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896580753082297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064441274125238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001748172641849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964263486948665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628515611173458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268008682375343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684023619147121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223427227026928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529963449859953
suicidewatch,Robertredgreen,2019/01/25,"Im ready but unwilling to suicide Im prepared to overdose on sleeping pills if i lose the nothots challenge(avoiding prostitution)
I have a healtht mighty sex drive and sometimes wanna sex a hoe but they deserve jail not cash.
Im willing to die with honor before giving such a person any money.",3.051298701298702,6.091073818181819,3.565194805194804,83.49636363636365,83.54545454545455,5.324675324675325,29.675324675324674,6.868970318607317,2.0052597402597403,240,12,39,3,7,75,43,55,0.227,0.6,0.173,-0.7684,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,4,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,3,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565266736531484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958616972952667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388849752388149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208045242990839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7458844492716836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750658760031664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097965004825316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034090679210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276486414927909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517737382059128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yngmorgan,2019/01/25,"I can't fucking die, i'm gettin annoying Almost every day I mix depressants drugs, sometimes in large amount, and I can't find die. The last time my family found me outside my lips were blue and somewhat they belived my lie besides my history. Yesterday was the most fucked up, I mixed 3 depressants (benzo, alcohol, ketamine) and was 3AM I did a 1 gram and went to a cig and idk but i found my cellphone on my roof but I didn't die. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to my mom found me in pieces after I jump in front of a train. I went to my psych and he just said to think about how my mom would feel if I was dead, but I didn't ask to be here, I never asked to be born, why would do this to me, I know will hurt my mom but just for a few months and after she was see was for the best of us, she would spend less time, money and will dont have to worry about me. I just can't belive in this shit.",4.0269666966696676,2.9055124257425784,5.357956795679571,89.35630513051308,70.78217821782178,8.929612961296131,25.78937893789379,8.00094639256281,1.0757465346534656,698,15,176,8,11,236,108,202,0.135,0.777,0.08800000000000001,-0.8146,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,1,7,8,4,0,7,0,25,6,2,1,1,33,42,14,4,5,8,3,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,3,8,1,0,8,0,2,4,9,7,0,0,15,4,34,1,23,20,7,20,0,3,2,2,12,6,3,4,10,117,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422768788269575,0.11639989170224425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152811455932826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173417541425801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198914262008545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496667952030693,0.0,0.20023867872055487,0.0,0.36192352569858105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623513259910527,0.0,0.13480418600010874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793916757738376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095829134207206,0.0,0.05877560937519486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624337401656787,0.0,0.0,0.3823611099938169,0.0,0.21492830234714644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443980708933244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776747747647166,0.09475300495969173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084247986856863,0.09278351032180293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965324282633139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057306496452103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263007861112328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932107040826145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496662618650942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448338460687381,0.0,0.0,0.13556366246619606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982519768857402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856273171169537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551558931559084,0.10489061291456213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804971787843052,0.0,0.24772562562173586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allupinmyforeman,2019/01/25,I'm probably going to die hopefully don't have to kill myself directly I'm 360 lbs and have been laying in bed 95% of the time past few months eating nothing but junk f. For about a week I've been having. chest pains. I'm not going to the hospital I don't care.  I've been thinking and hoping everyday to commit suicide and get away from this life. This might be my chance.,2.943846153846156,4.236532102564105,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307694,74.12820512820512,7.764102564102564,23.256410256410252,8.344100000000001,1.2700102564102569,296,8,62,5,6,99,57,78,0.17800000000000002,0.674,0.14800000000000002,-0.6831,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,0,10,4,1,0,1,10,20,4,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,3,10,15,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,34,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113585110891304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936299967372656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23347427333900084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301915328498393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753297455486555,0.0,0.2557013390613506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468745855822212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488863058171955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588967923719729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864834883849564,0.0,0.0,0.17956193321568506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21585639829959072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393746439068083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475097964730094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425462893117962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460711081335437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441460932666917,0.0,0.0,0.13117672106715222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804503550658801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lunchism,2019/01/25,"Today was the closest I've ever come to doing it This morning I drove out to this mountain near my house to watch the sunrise and wait for my nearest gun shop to open at 9. My plan was to buy a handgun, hopefully something not too expensive, drive to the nearest police station, and shoot myself in the temple in the parking lot. That way at least someone more prepared for it would find me.

I always promised myself that before I did it I would call the suicide hotline just to see what they had to offer. Honestly, it was kinda disappointing, but it still helped a lot to actually talk about my insecurity and fears without just getting some cookie-cutter, fake response. After that, I decided to sleep in my car for a while since I only had 4 hours of sleep last night. 

I'm skipping all of my classes today which sucks, but it's better than killing myself I guess. I can't afford to call off work so I still have to take a shower and all that stuff.

I don't know why I'm posting this, I think I just wanna get it off my chest since I can't tell my family or they'd freak out, and I'm worried about alienating myself from the few friends I have once they find out how depressed I am.",6.169769230769234,5.527970566666667,6.655000000000001,80.23153846153849,66.25,8.884615384615385,32.21153846153846,7.882392219407189,2.1728942307692303,936,33,187,9,13,306,143,240,0.162,0.7759999999999999,0.061,-0.9797,2,0,1,3,0,2,20.0,0,0,3,3,11,13,2,2,11,0,16,3,3,1,3,37,31,11,2,4,8,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,17,10,0,1,5,1,3,4,5,8,0,0,7,2,31,5,35,21,8,31,0,2,2,0,10,15,1,7,10,136,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.13036798349426998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116049274846444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367822764283822,0.0,0.0,0.11815259310997465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728277973431867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507896982697635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506388454757102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084296781368227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259400609192486,0.15032982707600415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24420407485503204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321400558935408,0.0,0.1395941782516751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716830012077092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954490605025284,0.0,0.0,0.13268848761840002,0.1315626857140946,0.15414896072416334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478014126258163,0.0,0.0734194930331309,0.10889653180775023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271528302427637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536844852058224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227271593924154,0.0,0.10160387560346172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794564296030528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645672193849344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101984504098648,0.0,0.2673799563607055,0.0,0.11319333779700562,0.10284680197422152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133758810290023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293259387914376,0.14612960431519648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044568499612304,0.10737739370543686,0.11676660610747393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560131960397215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532620319016891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604030088617658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054735330498585,0.0,0.0,0.12877936531036288,0.0,0.09725765803776264,0.135670682563715,0.0,0.18980197677521726,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manual_dissection,2019/01/25,"Am I anything less than a diagnosis? If the same events which happened to me as a child and then again as an adult led to my diagnosis are the same that built my character then how am i any different than a diagnosis.

raped

abused

beaten

forgotten 

The first time I tried to die I was eight. I drove a bike into traffic. 

My stepmother made me sleep with her every night 

I  don't know why i am making this post.

​

I live alone and talk to no one. Making I'm just seeking attention.",1.5281168831168797,3.977589418367349,3.176382189239334,88.15757884972173,83.38775510204081,6.828942486085343,22.17439703153989,8.00094639256281,1.2453142857142856,385,13,80,8,11,127,69,98,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.9623,1,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,0,8,0,6,2,1,5,0,15,13,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,2,0,3,3,0,14,0,10,10,3,11,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,7,56,17,1,0.0,0.2560872293921841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385294724697175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341845571278361,0.2626303455590597,0.14698070215547954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786249285550118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431628153550254,0.2258173630843531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821049061005595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838461850206052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112940499749936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878334819506416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908531002689812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451423695912294,0.28854650785869435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283011306786536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464601549092786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069996840067693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629328360005665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372288772187244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260313347290246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467429656855615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503019770455268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626303455590597,0.0
suicidewatch,literallyaliter,2019/01/25,"I keep wanting to comment on everyones post saying that I'm in the same boat as them. So, ill just do it here: I'm an awful person undeserving of the love that I have and I want to die. I, however have a kid that I think would be crushed if I died, regardless of the circumstance. So, I'm stuck in an endless spiral of depression, anxiety, failed promises, lies, and deeeeeep sorrow. I dont deserve this love and I keep telling myself that I'm here for some grand reason but, everyday I feel like thats becoming a bigger and bigger lie. ",3.6366666666666654,4.873632851851851,5.080555555555558,82.68250000000003,72.33333333333334,8.733333333333334,29.240740740740733,9.188382445141503,2.4626629629629626,420,17,85,9,8,141,71,108,0.217,0.6629999999999999,0.12,-0.7805,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,7,1,6,3,0,1,0,18,19,9,2,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,11,5,10,16,2,7,0,3,0,2,8,5,0,2,2,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594955781985192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302626999291784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795735938637453,0.0,0.43276293157615103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443507171305952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922275202376624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541966691425177,0.14894651061212152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706340013514465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185851225354507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763437947618928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820469086745199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996774141245924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214364189646672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165800966384865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223093357605646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335930614649916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459476104667497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481065202430122,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fash53,2019/01/25,"Needle In The Hay I am having a rough week. Work has not been great and this leads to trouble at home with my wife. She got angry that I got depressed - she cornered me in the kitchen and assaulted me, saying that I was not supporting her when she got depressed, so I shouldn't be treating her like this. I didn't fight back and got away from her by locking myself in the toilet. She ran upstairs crying.

Getting detached to those around me. Like I am on autopilot. Caught myself staring at the wall/ceiling sometimes. Obsessed with the suicide scene from The Royal Tenenbaums with Needle In The Hay playing in the background and listening to this song on repeat.

While driving, thoughts of crashing my car on the road divider crossed my mind multiple times. ""This is it. Now."" But nothing happened. 

I am cutting my long hair tomorrow and getting a buzzcut like Richie Tenenbaum did before he cut his arms up. 








",3.9732618343195263,6.517870213017755,3.8903217455621295,85.9838849852071,74.68047337278107,5.8818047337278125,31.272559171597628,6.9077264865688965,1.9599849112426035,722,35,125,7,16,220,109,169,0.196,0.736,0.069,-0.9746,0,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,5,15,4,1,11,0,12,3,2,1,0,16,24,9,1,1,3,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,8,9,1,0,1,2,0,6,4,8,0,0,11,6,24,7,23,11,0,30,0,2,1,0,13,15,0,0,12,91,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590264939390208,0.0,0.0,0.16454020961432758,0.13466400411332316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902255870150255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237185902496914,0.0,0.0,0.3016780758279809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299618189208144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.560269189693672,0.19308121993897628,0.0,0.0,0.15486670150025514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566946604217715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566787186427818,0.0,0.0,0.15498435972016678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683117152003006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804176391946105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927024411884933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320784772447992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156357368191815,0.1987352187517644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903349697834896,0.10211959324319543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404785598390161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274965783214007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beehug,2019/01/25,"ever since I oded in september, I've been severely suicidal. Hey, reddit. Here I am again, trying not to have a mental breakdown at 7:30 in the morning. Last night I did the dumbest thing, I told someone I missed them right after I told them I was drunk. I told myself I wouldn't get any feelings for this person, as I'm trying to work on my mental health & well being. Idk. I thought talking to someone would make me feel better, but my anxiety made it much worse. Hey at least this person's in my life. I don't even think they care all that much. They're just here so I don't die. I hate absolutely everything about myself rn. What's funny is that I told myself if I wasn't happy by my birthday, I'd do it. Sadly, I didn't go through with it.
Tbh right now I'm thinking of a day when I can. I'm so sick of this shit of a life i have.",0.8201176470588223,2.5723053777777807,2.896078431372551,93.15794117647059,81.33333333333333,5.568627450980394,20.03267973856209,6.522977012572876,0.07663071895424832,648,17,148,6,17,219,110,180,0.192,0.696,0.112,-0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,2,12,8,2,0,5,0,16,6,1,2,2,16,35,6,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,10,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,11,2,29,4,19,21,4,17,0,2,0,0,12,8,1,1,8,97,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406975178730429,0.0,0.08830565184203984,0.0,0.09933849337334613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484593343638007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132395525411952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374554167179403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347686816655788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576780751145564,0.11746101437542755,0.0,0.0,0.11670503515903595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313168803983681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067843723449539,0.0,0.07379942096529253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823274738218738,0.0,0.1282046366090132,0.0,0.13802947840756974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584891549358408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344043583565847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287166097865496,0.08667902346885185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617259995950846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091629789122924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185984340111385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267682381575873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217904159426493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669885420436254,0.1332939879175432,0.1074171532912098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200509391440369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203997024971612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043722925199642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626969551527255,0.16641130244434954,0.0,0.10309013031522253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963269390979624,0.0,0.17632564068703488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675497410262416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453577130369507,0.0,0.1323330374951737,0.09224505623220106,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidalthrowawaysof,2019/01/25,"Just some thoughts i’ve had about me being suicidal for 2 years. ‪When you’re suicidal you stop caring about important matters. You believe them to be trivial and insignificant. ‬

‪Issues arise when you remain suicidal for longer periods of time as that results in your life being destroyed, since at some point you’ve convinced yourself that you’re going to die soon and you stop caring about anything and everyone. Perfect combination to mess up everything that you’ve worked so hard to attain. 

‪Once that occurs you’re even MORE suicidal than before‬ since you’ve completely fucked up your life now. 

I’m basically irreparable and the only honorable thing to do would be to end it since i’m just a useless, dumb girl who screwed up and dug herself into a hole that she can’t climb out of. ",5.361326530612242,7.583254061224494,5.322193877551023,78.72369897959184,69.61224489795919,8.70952380952381,31.97789115646259,9.2995712137729,3.1278258503401366,645,29,110,14,12,201,97,147,0.284,0.609,0.106,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,1,5,10,11,4,0,3,0,8,4,0,1,1,18,15,8,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,2,1,10,5,22,8,3,19,0,1,0,2,11,8,3,2,9,66,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654926750029215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956829808302547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28880206460116564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849616309178845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469893842238674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544197533280246,0.0,0.0,0.09354515497616528,0.0,0.0,0.1353333546230715,0.12728774253664668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309344788514757,0.0,0.0,0.08049148592760133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687249247637147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782472697813492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000746491840775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508311273100211,0.0,0.10771585398624096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388595098734346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514729317424586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368177289188044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.619680106806736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409255373171188,0.0,0.0,0.11243825039555216,0.0825854822392794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310818982068892,0.0,0.0,0.10060975477161148,0.0,0.0,0.09120495530763116
suicidewatch,whyamIh3r3huh,2019/01/25,"How do I make it stop Who knew hanging around them would make this all happen? I was just looking for friends my own age. Well, I can’t blame them because they were just being themselves. Maybe it was me; maybe it was just me. But I was just being myself too.

The move wasn’t just hard because I was an outsider who couldn’t speak their language fluently; no. It was also that I was someone they didn’t expect to be. I wasn’t stereotypical, and I grew up in a different way; a way none of the others had grown up. It wasn’t hard for me to understand how they grew up, why was it so hard for them to understand mine? I would cry every time they’d call me that. Every. Single. Time. Maybe I don’t show it anymore like I used to, but I still always cry. It’s as simple as a sentence for them, but it’s my self-confidence, my self-esteem, my anxiety, my identity and my existence. Oh, if I only knew how much worse things would get and how it wouldn’t change at all, I perhaps wouldn’t have prolonged living for so long. Perhaps I shouldn’t prolong it now as well. Why am I still here?

All of those things, which I think I had before it all started, has dissipated completely. Now, every time I breathe I hate myself more. Every time I walk, I can’t stop thinking about how stupid I probably look. Every time I talk I think about how squeaky my voice sounds. Just that one sentence.

Maybe people don’t say it anymore, but those voices definitely restate those words again and again. How do I make all the voices stop? They never go away. All those voices make it all worse.

But, hey, it “gets better”. I don’t know if I actually believe that sentence, but HOW could it get worse? Life has always found a way. But how? It’s bad enough

Maybe death is how it finally gets better? It's in a way a sad feeling but also a very peaceful one. It's comforting knowing that there is nothing I have to worry about. I don’t have to worry about that one thought that never went away or that class which I couldn’t succeed in.

I don’t know how to conclude this. Should I die or continue existing? I’m not sure, but I can’t take this much longer. I can’t meet anyone without me wondering if they’re thinking that one thing. But I’m not that, as much as I wish I were, so it could stop hurting every time; But I’m not",1.5425534266764909,3.589362754237293,2.861739130434785,92.82106484893148,80.35593220338983,5.714517317612381,21.48968312453943,6.800593979768761,0.3809351879145169,1788,53,389,19,46,578,190,472,0.153,0.748,0.1,-0.9806,1,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,10,4,38,14,2,0,11,0,50,2,1,17,10,91,86,41,2,16,26,0,4,1,1,7,1,7,0,0,46,5,0,4,16,1,0,8,26,5,2,4,21,13,62,9,34,50,15,45,0,2,2,0,19,10,0,6,24,280,108,2,0.0,0.0,0.06440711239802746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556138979882453,0.10983565379739338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050490315584074144,0.0,0.13090981716300473,0.046149188144546785,0.0,0.0,0.05875457027017444,0.0,0.0,0.12401956407589275,0.0,0.05510778479405366,0.0804667656718874,0.0,0.05616169084430642,0.07436012972608094,0.0,0.11674442053308308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739404161130261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981993492363928,0.0,0.06920042442005156,0.0,0.0,0.10539229488943884,0.0,0.14499722683389793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849825316527745,0.06895663034258734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819631316597853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336503585560988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337191106729985,0.0,0.0,0.07230048453640979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723663046284688,0.0509919374440301,0.0,0.13793045942389826,0.0,0.03750968962711624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836415565214102,0.0,0.1773708520906599,0.06516197640931247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065505946365841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881669133585004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661821002968629,0.03224458312069697,0.0,0.058279781967291916,0.05840849715741073,0.1108478443964658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622378197396582,0.0,0.3315326134170164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014824445005367,0.145554212722603,0.0,0.10180753813700297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332940245027173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788949906075135,0.050196467419893684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575653953404271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711598622493828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052486364897820256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377061415477085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592213544148335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671559883510161,0.0,0.10541640657552337,0.2207179904203222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220483028987817,0.0,0.04962427392095472,0.053048821344216686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154369481539205,0.16916220272425495,0.0,0.05239714270334909,0.2309130540306381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741800581555,0.0,0.05700336942960259,0.0,0.05445744730334814,0.0,0.2095529713611567,0.0,0.0,0.11868501903479856,0.06118326255322445,0.1191106393686024,0.0,0.07589748874404126,0.06362227008332716,0.07157488808803557,0.0,0.13405372495283496,0.20178089877664232,0.14065490150117865,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MedleysFinalThoughts,2019/01/25,"As a chronically suicidal person, is it possible for me to ever find a job that doesn’t make me want to die more? First off, yeah, I haven’t killed myself yet this month. I’m on something of an upswing, meaning that my suicidal thoughts are still there, but I’m feeling a little less like I wanna act on them. However...

No matter what, work seems to be one of the big things that makes me wanna die. I work in a school, I always feel like I’m somehow failing my students. I feel like there’s more I could do to help them, especially the students who are emotionally distressed. I have days where the stress of work is so intense that I go home and weep for hours because I feel like every problem at work is because of my own failures as a person and a teacher. 

Even before I worked with children, I always felt lime a complete useless failure at my jobs. Getting up for work and having to face my coworkers and talk to other people always makes me intensely panicked and suicidal. 

Do you think I’ll ever be able to find a job that doesn’t make me feel this way? I have several chronic mental and physical illnesses that make my life extremely difficult every single day and it sometimes feels like I was born to fail because if all these conditions. ",4.8465762304921975,5.9535977632653125,5.635486194477793,80.32787515006004,69.3265306122449,8.376950780312129,31.146458583433372,8.671277953709913,2.499626650660265,992,41,185,16,17,324,140,245,0.264,0.653,0.08199999999999999,-0.9961,4,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,1,2,9,10,14,1,2,12,1,17,5,1,5,3,38,39,12,6,6,2,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,1,3,15,8,0,0,13,0,0,2,4,9,0,2,3,7,28,5,27,33,6,23,0,4,0,0,9,10,0,3,15,127,43,14,0.0878693290946379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934296261579095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069298232739498,0.0,0.07477032717764404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212931977178228,0.0,0.0,0.07015650928968573,0.0,0.0,0.11333689603563095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238898164456205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884116834310601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803686315162869,0.15896567756025828,0.14806739907064154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665762378090735,0.2510954650493258,0.08436833568175342,0.0,0.1606219498107645,0.07474160643983144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045908097779133863,0.0,0.049938164673966334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889695908617211,0.0,0.08814010150909576,0.0,0.08653358922975911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615902519995735,0.0,0.09721439371901118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062064705744327514,0.21464257872193915,0.08806815185385351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932672974359671,0.0,0.0,0.09571545916057736,0.0,0.0,0.08855161664062777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070136460161041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059542531470637615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091752901389036,0.1534482177748334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905946594490177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407908093146407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892845216336465,0.0,0.07999293706655572,0.0,0.09926733086679576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764610244406266,0.08690501328752405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017255972041746,0.0,0.10065401959843437,0.0,0.0,0.28834435278095905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062603829524093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583764778187178,0.05630311807584117,0.0,0.06975843220183764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182760691583222,0.06974658345471442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838195085973302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,subarashidoggo,2019/01/25,"Suffocating I'm fucking dying. I've been depressed for more than a decade and I finally decided to seek help last week. But my psychiatrist appointment would be on 13th Feb and that's the earliest they could do and I can't fucking wait I just want them to give me some pills or shit and make things feel better. Meanwhile I'm fucking beating myself up over these thoughts and haven't been doing work while everything is piling up. The urge to kill myself has never been so strong. 

I'm lying on my bed, feet hanging off the bed when I typed this and my dog came over and licked my feet. I booped his nose. 

",2.8710743801652896,4.9802534628099195,3.5231404958677714,89.39561983471077,76.35537190082644,6.7140495867768575,23.396694214876035,7.686295010490155,1.0160181818181822,483,15,99,7,11,152,87,121,0.14400000000000002,0.768,0.08800000000000001,-0.8463,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,4,3,8,5,0,4,0,12,8,4,1,1,21,25,12,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,5,3,15,2,12,17,2,15,0,1,0,3,5,7,4,2,6,63,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460753702626093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238735153143545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665646111602556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978158386443294,0.0,0.21663208827799574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875959248588253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554176858923757,0.0,0.0,0.2286569981695963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789113900494974,0.0,0.20023588822327854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990945204053726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309323395759698,0.0,0.0,0.17014540264062572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933101987708113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098789801139382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426161182709305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867305121345289,0.0,0.0,0.1657108308475896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231162388801306,0.0,0.16743316807187333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196024255330493,0.0,0.0,0.14827806370095828,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RiidoDorito,2019/01/25,"just stuff I need to get out. sorry for profanity. what am i going to do with my life. there's really no point. if i do well, there's nothing i gain because i'll die anyway. if i do poorly, i'm fucked. society, capitalism. they dont care about us. they just care about profit. and yeah obviously some random person on the train isnt going to give a shit about me, i get that. but i mean as people, no one with actual power to change shit cares. they just care about their fucking money, but not about other people who cant survive.

​

i'm not even someone who is fucked by this system yet. but it makes me so mad and i cant control it. i cant deal with it. but maybe thats also because i know ill be in that category soon enough. the best salary one can really find with a non-stem degree in the biggest city in the country i live in pays like $30,000 a year. if you're lucky. my boyfriend had some offer him $1800 per month. PER FUCKING MONTH. IN ONE OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE CITIES IN THE FUCKING WORLD. i dont want to be a corporate slave. i literally cant. ill die.

​

 im college educated, projecting to finish my bachelors in june and then maybe do my schools five-year program and get a masters. but i cant fucking picture my life. and honestly idk if ill even graduate. i havent been able to focus on shit since last spring. last trimester was the first time i failed a class because i couldnt even write the fucking term paper. because im fucking lazy right? not because i cant find motivation because the world will be shit no matter what i do but BECAUSE IM A FUCKING LAZY PIECE OF SHIT, RIGHT? the fact that have life good and im privileged in my experiences and upbringing make it even worse, because it means i dont even have a real struggle.

​

i just want to be able to modify my body and appearance. but that would make me unemployable. because appearance matters so fucking much.

​

i feel like shit. recently i starting thinking about my ex and how we started ""dating"" when i was 17 and he was 28. i havent ever totally processed it. he wasnt abusive physically at least but i remember him saying he wanted to get married once i finished college. thank god i finally got away from him. ive been no contact for over two years but i still think about him sometimes. was he really a piece of shit abuser who took advantage of a young girl? its hard for me to say. because he had a shitty childhood. and he was a virgin when we got together. and i was the one who initiated sex. and he said he loved me. so maybe i was the one who took advantage of him. maybe im at fault for sending mixed messages like letting him stay at my place when he was on a trip to my city. i told him we were done. but he cried. 

​

i dont know why im writing this. im just so angry. nothing makes me happy. i have to fake being happy around my boyfriend (fucking awesome person btw) and my job and kind of my school but im just so. fucking. tired.

​

i guess there are two positives that im looking at right now. one, my cat. i love her so much. two, i have trichotillomania (pull out my hair) and its been three months since i last pulled out any of my hair. over the summer i was completely bald, like worse than george castanza bald. i had a one or two inch rim of hair from the front of my head near the sideburns to the back. it was all shaved off but still. now i have a full head of hair again, but its just like two or three inches long. so i have that going for me. but i feel like the negatives outweigh the positives.

​

i just want to cry and scream and hit my head over and over and over until it dents in because i cant take it anymore. ",1.3825763019172008,3.620435480106103,2.937053016821679,91.00482607527788,82.12997347480106,5.939737434106705,22.80690326696437,7.194107823804886,0.8003168787563375,2888,100,615,40,79,946,314,754,0.202,0.688,0.11,-0.9978,5,0,0,0,1,2,120.0,4,0,4,11,47,50,20,1,33,1,58,40,17,7,5,105,118,55,2,11,31,1,7,6,0,2,7,4,0,3,30,31,0,1,12,0,5,12,24,25,1,15,25,12,87,25,75,83,14,91,0,1,1,16,49,39,19,14,44,398,117,15,0.06972527098897174,0.08261304456124474,0.034020903246988636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02787963700941707,0.0,0.2644155569497413,0.2965334262198771,0.02370778762696136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457436654092224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0310351368980364,0.0,0.0,0.0327545936548529,0.026807214753197063,0.0,0.23377132915570295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036586185097777495,0.0,0.0,0.03872452881578767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217912143794298,0.0,0.03688004573266543,0.0,0.036552810026571333,0.0,0.03910141013713204,0.0,0.0,0.07658993613489158,0.0,0.0359418463816274,0.0,0.0,0.07236382308594254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03567658015937065,0.16343499662470648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03602242183570007,0.0,0.11513220973380912,0.0315352497283119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03410234712887337,0.0,0.0,0.03525519202200684,0.049811747526289314,0.0,0.038190313112048915,0.06372763450413098,0.029654139942024087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867593369475365,0.07285715257460988,0.03344341668407784,0.0594397174837997,0.029241124606236964,0.05576566873460441,0.0,0.03840512344545543,0.0,0.0,0.07422384750390616,0.03123007368358633,0.0,0.1073373656637785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389186591309851,0.0,0.034595786335372365,0.0,0.0,0.03630407006061722,0.03831918546217121,0.08525310294594518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035649406808932194,0.07387353138112394,0.10219273633720406,0.0,0.030784345854722013,0.03085233534945962,0.02927583343625347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292977932387843,0.0,0.09308431962148213,0.0,0.14009681284363293,0.07595126077060682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834810691282647,0.0,0.0512560968693983,0.02585020247631092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690327801487603,0.0,0.0,0.03712756900829089,0.1653667684421328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048338723673392085,0.060881417198494985,0.0364240339580163,0.0,0.03295645914192531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968131159495842,0.06700169101970678,0.0,0.03442264669112068,0.0,0.0394925699506245,0.08931750067826054,0.03316234981845394,0.055448334057888016,0.0,0.07056569669539893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505019604188915,0.05767746468314682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02953899792094958,0.0,0.034480037939327884,0.0390258661900698,0.04935190567999448,0.037158930815869434,0.05568269147959713,0.0,0.0,0.03644599610853065,0.039909376828721435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02621236318333326,0.0,0.0,0.03209683082052541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446771382666863,0.0,0.0,0.02032868311472278,0.0400694710000528,0.0,0.033312742220403466,0.07746734159418185,0.0,0.0,0.17027864569524007,0.0,0.04193545797677575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225154269754924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03134569614375033,0.0,0.03145810599770254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105600793431212,0.02476541599740501,0.0,0.2965334262198771,0.06735118272613717
suicidewatch,cutecatgirlnyaa,2019/01/25,i really want to die right now someone please talk to me,2.2324999999999977,3.783030583333337,3.84,88.905,76.5,8.133333333333335,20.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.099733333333334,45,1,10,1,1,15,11,12,0.259,0.498,0.242,-0.3117,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580574086027673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844758877320558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827436846359046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37691525183765145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739591487399221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354744895110416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260322954861531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youngdaggerdick4,2019/01/25,"My life is a living hell Mostly it's my fault but I am not doing great at school, my parents are just demotivating me even more, everyone makes fun of how ugly I am and I am too lazy to committ suicide. I dont know what to do with life anymore",2.07990566037736,3.0449048679245294,4.4944811320754745,86.43908018867926,75.79245283018868,6.809433962264151,24.57075471698113,7.1686216300943375,0.8858716981132075,190,6,43,2,4,67,43,53,0.344,0.583,0.07200000000000001,-0.9595,1,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,1,10,10,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,10,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28750633237159234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33976469536410164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914785008091226,0.0,0.0,0.2770151790255481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196195874711116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932335967248956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095347737190606,0.0,0.0,0.2559900659546161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351281030703385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219034839360648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29339777815057505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171073313813619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,G0966,2019/01/25,. I'm so sorry that I wasn't a reliable person.,-3.2654545454545456,-1.9371607272727256,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,110.8181818181818,5.836363636363638,14.590909090909092,7.1686216300943375,0.6046,36,1,8,1,2,15,10,11,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6150384937714128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7884970838115963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gooseislandfullers,2019/01/25,"Experienced suicidal ideation before, but now I'm seriously considering it I just feel like my life is going nowhere. I don't have the motivation or support to change, and, quite frankly I don't care to better myself anymore. I know what ever burst of motivation I feel will be fleeting, so what's the use? Before I started self harming, I'd just think about cutting myself and it brought me comfort; then I started doing the real thing. Now I think about taking something to kill myself and it's bringing me the same comfort as the thoughts of self harm. Maybe I'll be brave enough to try that too. It'd be easy, clean, and quick. It won't leave a scar and I won't have to answer for it later. I'd just have to suppress the urge to call 911, but I'm sure it's easier said than done. I'm sure it won't be blissful or romantic, but it's be nice just to get it over with.",2.5203333333333333,4.142354811111115,3.9711111111111137,87.96500000000002,75.8888888888889,6.5777777777777775,25.88888888888889,7.3011,1.1404555555555551,686,25,146,8,15,227,100,180,0.184,0.612,0.204,0.5185,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,4,12,15,2,0,7,0,18,1,0,3,3,31,38,13,2,0,9,0,2,1,0,4,1,1,1,2,14,6,0,1,9,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,4,4,15,10,17,24,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,9,93,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606172345916611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756259436883096,0.0,0.0,0.14323727881065929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537559712705516,0.0,0.16512534853679214,0.0,0.1713284016406655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573763218780838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734425984916634,0.0,0.0,0.14649884033374344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378004903923502,0.11570168795979327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846155370114007,0.0,0.09204355714281014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918076608939093,0.0,0.08900700456007185,0.0,0.0,0.17148844803961732,0.0,0.0,0.11439459834029132,0.07912371865829634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270697705637274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226057212798193,0.0,0.18434184544808813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405762862197234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379117032016045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468195290013125,0.0,0.0,0.2292671538252792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771540202787142,0.1837862089130986,0.3052839897244114,0.0,0.12177106069712412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759663890299664,0.20755024938406352,0.0,0.12857529471662732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099577677713245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987833393410345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Starting_Hour,2019/01/25,"There is no reason not to kill myself. I just really don't see any reason not to do that, since I am just being tortured by life and its really sucks. I am failing at something important already, like for example, soon there will be exams in my school and I am pretty sure that I will fail atleast on them, like math exam for example, because I don't understand it from the beginning. What's one less anyways? ",5.451851851851847,5.819633938271608,6.461333333333332,77.592,67.64197530864197,9.93679012345679,31.014814814814812,9.888512548439397,2.9647511111111102,323,12,61,7,5,108,59,81,0.16899999999999998,0.6579999999999999,0.173,-0.1577,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,3,0,1,0,11,1,0,2,1,10,15,2,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,9,3,9,11,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,4,48,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26762836796975426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492285140074514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783877918761254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683139688875953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130001935962935,0.2369673871777242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433876019099267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467314263658417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107308058576543,0.4987047307209621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454445790810588,0.1932581365131763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006161875326692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670480298427075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285735257988904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25247330433295684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,illkeepwalking,2019/01/25,"Alone isolated What do you do when you are alone and isolated? How to you cope when you have no love one around you? How do you cope when the person you love most distance you and look at you with contempt and hate?

Is there still a meaning in life if you are going to be alone and isolated?",3.968,4.570144466666669,4.223333333333336,91.50000000000004,71.0,8.0,25.0,8.07648339933343,1.0635000000000008,228,6,52,3,4,71,35,60,0.295,0.6,0.105,-0.9034,0,3,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,10,0,0,8,4,2,0,2,0,8,3,0,2,0,11,14,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,10,2,6,13,1,8,0,0,1,2,13,3,0,2,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7081257677575257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288469277702292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952425353746647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501002907101555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097677467805185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138367238461845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113881948256761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24825648841341305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443502965750666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989987617056061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200605640876988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,siinnamon,2019/01/25,I just need a friend Title says it all. I'm just a burden to my s/o and don't want them to feel pressured to be here for me.,-1.9813978494623647,-0.8348635483870961,1.3819354838709683,103.55956989247312,87.70967741935482,4.133333333333334,13.559139784946234,3.1291,-1.6824279569892475,94,1,28,0,3,34,26,31,0.199,0.695,0.106,-0.2076,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275673417618193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005195347111236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803651106982659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5151883269030577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38211278469887217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notapornaccountt635,2019/01/25,"I'm so alone I hate myself. I hate my body. I'm bi, and I hate it. I don't want to be my dad's gay son. I thought I could pretend to be normal, but I can't anymore. 

And the worst part is I don't have anyone who cares. No one really ever has cared. I'm alone and I want to die. I think 2019 will be my last year.",-3.5975598086124414,-2.1341546315789444,0.14665071770335025,106.31700956937802,101.89473684210527,3.289952153110048,10.85645933014354,4.851557810540192,-1.9220368421052627,232,3,69,1,11,84,47,76,0.353,0.55,0.097,-0.9545,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,11,3,1,0,1,11,23,5,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,14,2,3,17,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38481902974882104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842414103075045,0.1298999829433802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063569781985659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788251885830477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832825732081195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280776706084485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804643050991827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502506088047081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514334991624581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202255530811864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588767626737835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117898344164614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901385603934345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903875307469475,0.0,0.14748662364607992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191528253833364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963465164917092
suicidewatch,guitargasm_,2019/01/25,"Shouldn't we be working towards suicide PREVENTION on this sub rather than giving advice???? Occasionally people will post their plans to ultimately end themselves, and I'm fucking tired of seeing people give them advice on how to follow through or what to get in order before they go. Isn't this supposed to be a subreddit to prevent suicide rather than give tips? Why comment in this sub with a negative, pessimistic, and hopeless attitude? Those are the people who should be posting, not the people who should be commenting. Those people need someone to understand them and listen, someone who can come from a place of familiarity and try to help them see the possibility of recovery the future may hold.",8.08475806451613,9.460941024193552,7.679193548387103,67.61379032258068,62.145161290322584,9.748387096774195,36.467741935483865,9.827888789773867,3.9111161290322585,573,26,85,11,8,181,82,124,0.163,0.792,0.045,-0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,1,0,5,2,3,2,1,0,7,0,12,2,0,1,0,21,26,6,2,6,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,9,7,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,20,17,0,14,0,1,2,1,16,6,1,2,2,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784682087987162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124372798779592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273769220483373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619888476992194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172452972897564,0.07444221698196167,0.410052052835546,0.08097716677840694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550428834939333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056503754959976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939037046006886,0.0,0.14886586935904605,0.0,0.0,0.1606297497549407,0.2729213333804155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270832349310697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145313561731035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311709609903865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376485487728787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673755313025094,0.0,0.0,0.14833128300850446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857000691177847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373033852101457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drain_gang,2019/01/25,"what is it like to have a friend? i daydream about it often. even just one friend. they don't have to like me, i wouldn't blame them. i hate myself too. ",-1.5736363636363606,0.3848419393939402,-0.143272727272727,107.84509090909091,99.30303030303033,2.64,9.630303030303027,3.1291,-2.351176969696969,116,1,30,0,5,36,25,33,0.0,0.561,0.439,0.9375,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,7,4,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892961566088786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6767984390156685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324362450966421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279712561765709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968014564159859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ApothiconDesire,2019/01/25,"I'll just write it here. So, I haven't feeling like myself for a long time now. I anything else I had tried has fail, so I'll write something here, even if nobody sees it. I mean, what could go wrong?

​

I'm 22. 

I was abused as a child. Physically and mentally by my step-douche. Met my father with 13, went to live it him (by force) with 17.

I currently live by myself in a small house, cause' by father kicked me out because of religious divergencies. My mother is about to became a preacher herself, and it's all bout god god and god. Im sick of it.

​

I have a girlfriend, but she only gives me headache, and I can't finish it. Why is that? I wish I knew as well.

​

Thing is, I don't even know why Im writing this. Maybe to get some light? Some direction?

I feel like my mind is rotten and there is absolutely nothing willing to live for anymore. I mean, this is it, right? Doesn't matter what you do, it all comes back again. So it's pointless. 

  
Easer if I just Off myself and be done it.

​

To anyone who read this, sorry for this ridicously useless post. Someone feel free to delete it if it's innapropriate. 

​

Oh, and spelling. English is not my first tongue and my mind isn't quite working right now. ",0.9365604249667996,3.3623721713147425,2.2467051792828663,93.85677755644093,86.25099601593624,4.780929614873839,21.115670650730408,6.2581,0.20056005312085026,969,32,205,9,30,310,143,251,0.109,0.828,0.063,-0.8464,1,0,1,0,1,0,64.0,0,1,0,4,16,8,0,0,5,0,21,1,0,1,2,39,37,17,0,5,7,3,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,21,12,0,0,7,1,1,3,6,4,1,1,6,6,29,5,23,28,4,19,0,2,1,0,15,6,0,5,11,132,50,3,0.0,0.0919663569750785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205032134946157,0.4715806440153137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697763839540926,0.054273324861637016,0.0,0.06387419454398459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968456663456893,0.0,0.04731609687473577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973655740988056,0.0,0.06686228411635133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197281564880425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943164724196307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484109137656348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253383064084537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774017984473985,0.1109027025667624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602306534473107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04055295950808968,0.0744596501331958,0.04411292272824551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895624250345281,0.0,0.0,0.16768465322849194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042657620330112896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758418860698608,0.0,0.205618191787192,0.06869077156839952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797917126451308,0.169100674060224,0.0,0.0,0.07822215028990925,0.0,0.15674703732668732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447795661564836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903309013050077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433797803302727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255784047562323,0.07764045589761714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325731740489509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618526530003608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576670892380003,0.05975524550139433,0.0,0.08688862056492473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156691424237927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526052606076905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269851213530265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978920814500121,0.0719540086868974,0.14007896313758514,0.0,0.08925853798090133,0.0,0.0,0.056507884750697936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486468473215733,0.4715806440153137,0.0
suicidewatch,F00dbAby,2019/01/25,"The days keep getting harder and I don't even know what to do anymore Drinking isn't helping me anymore. Neither is smoking weed. I can't do psychedelics frequently enough 

I have no idea how to cope. I just wanna feel anything else other than feeling unbearably sad. 

I feel I only have three options left. 

Start self harming again after not doing it for years. Physical pain might be distracting enough 

Look for stronger drugs 

Or just kill myself. I've had a note ready for a while now. I keep updating it. But I have no idea how I can even do it with any assurance that it won't fail. 

Life is agony ",1.5429096045197743,4.206651313559323,2.2780000000000022,92.74185875706215,86.71186440677965,5.180564971751412,23.968361581920906,6.742157984588678,0.9076795480225988,477,19,94,6,15,148,83,118,0.207,0.6990000000000001,0.094,-0.9342,0,0,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,1,3,0,17,4,0,2,1,21,26,6,1,1,5,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,2,1,2,6,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,1,4,11,1,9,22,3,10,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,3,9,66,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571117113742327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374958901044803,0.0,0.0,0.1400229897388904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973583799273756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668702951462544,0.19732567068871865,0.0,0.14214259040443822,0.0,0.0,0.3516310069417797,0.0,0.2247714216705424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581062996090294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889891565165173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405124697456333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841683557496115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024829977121252,0.18825119326292172,0.0,0.09351268656164054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487380355040287,0.0,0.12018544239089254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428872666752164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805074662166041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941047370712494,0.18105681710524335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750867666642572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043651845441596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957418090289056
suicidewatch,longforshort33,2019/01/25,"I will do it. I've been thinking about killing myself since last year but I always end up not doing it. In two weeks, I'll get some money from my scholarship and decided to use it with all my savings to travel. There's a beautiful place I really want to go to since I was a child and I decided that I will go there to create adventures and make memories. And at the end I'll kill myself. My reason is not as serious compared to others, I just hate everything happening to me right now. ",2.8122000000000007,4.2932444200000015,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,74.8,9.0,25.5,9.516144504307137,2.2855,382,13,78,10,8,132,68,100,0.133,0.7340000000000001,0.133,-0.4547,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,3,0,7,0,0,3,1,19,16,6,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,1,2,3,2,4,0,1,2,0,13,2,14,12,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,6,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716158716772237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653511783179747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536349813457573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775670379554836,0.0,0.2344323672374749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238550235105988,0.0,0.0,0.20362840289225348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563684027615985,0.0,0.0,0.16812064040685654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767295458315418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548653492784264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212853037991618,0.21205854688851855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613570526682173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34122296894188403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215617093204396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014755168269749,0.0,0.0,0.1781331033226338,0.0,0.0,0.12165113252415866,0.0,0.16544068193865527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281773426190527
suicidewatch,fraylight,2019/01/25,"Suicidal? I don't know why I'm writing this, but yeah, maybe one of you can relate. 

Lately, I've been thinking about killing myself. I don't have a concrete plan or anything, it's just different scenarios playing out in my head. And more and more I've been feeling like living has no meaning regarding myself. I've been neglecting my studies and the fact of *failing* doesn't matter to me. I'm indifferent to that, but the thing that worries me is being a disappointment when I keep living. I don't care about having a life or having a good future and all that. I've been having these recurring thoughts of ""I can't anymore"" and ""I don't want to do this. I don't want to *live*"" 

For me, it seems that everything I have done (or in many cases HAVEN'T done) is leading me towards suicide? I'm not really sure. 

Yesterday, I've recorded myself saying goodbye to generally everyone I know, and I left a personal note to my sister. I drank vodka at night, listened to sad music, took out my razor blade and put it against my wrist. I pressed down on my skin and I just thought ""I could do it. I really could. I just need to press down.....now a little harder....and just slide it across."" Obviously, I didn't go along with this thought, but I feel like I'm simply putting it off. That maybe it's not quite the right time to do it. I'm just sorry to everyone I might hurt. 

I don't expect a comment or anything. Just needed to let this out and thanks for reading I guess. Hope your day only gets better. 
",1.3290445988120396,3.6739018903654497,3.099498640893991,89.08660424846474,83.25249169435216,5.907621061109433,23.40692640692641,7.229369725052465,1.0210633444075303,1163,43,237,17,33,386,157,301,0.16899999999999998,0.737,0.094,-0.9729,2,0,1,0,0,2,55.0,0,2,0,5,9,15,1,0,10,1,33,5,3,1,4,59,62,17,3,8,15,1,5,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,19,14,1,2,10,3,0,6,13,6,0,1,12,7,36,9,32,45,3,28,0,5,0,0,8,14,0,8,10,160,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785197984701793,0.0,0.0,0.17898596232105676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618160932046678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087910838396743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365798701396382,0.0,0.0,0.07013553488917725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362186988263134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258049470290173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783288673424366,0.09773857690499643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997576065377143,0.15538377497072714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568180196583461,0.0,0.061805819875133075,0.09121535684546153,0.0,0.0,0.11980172058854467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161011809813708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801449161219584,0.0,0.0,0.11642042154677824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666307392132778,0.12031710309529592,0.0,0.11953364390143335,0.0,0.12267610385228107,0.0,0.1181585098922952,0.11120548225126037,0.07681419709516872,0.10626069776199147,0.1089972842564784,0.2880879374721767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102566596527326,0.21851041894808204,0.11846195123042433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536784997649968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127529123152812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205564532550004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369263566272309,0.08271019714007831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495736347010487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865001041974666,0.0,0.1156703002689317,0.10878064148669013,0.0,0.1393376221083815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287294072557152,0.0,0.08648332862850679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900301887137254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173807808921185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791234948718326,0.0,0.10249673016436016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012350469852198,0.0,0.0,0.07224947285436166,0.06968338538115923,0.0,0.25900894377598804,0.06341370619214277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082659785724148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282885648085917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813105353857532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104421345576264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aqualily08,2019/01/25,"Suicide thoughts on birthday night Tomorrow is my birthday. But here i am watching videos of suicide survivors.
I don't wanna do it. But all the stress and how life is going, How time is ticking.. every bone in my body says i should leave this place. I have no space here. I don't deserve to be here or I don't belong here.. same thing.
People may get sad. But that's it. They'll move on. Because i never had any special place in anyone life. 
I really wish i leave before tomorrow comes. ",0.5544348508634229,3.0137765000000023,2.03979591836735,93.86509419152279,90.12244897959185,4.239874411302983,20.80376766091052,5.873414542411696,0.12900219780219713,379,13,77,3,13,122,67,98,0.218,0.752,0.03,-0.9499,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,14,4,2,2,2,16,19,7,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,2,12,1,7,13,2,15,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,2,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259840661977618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295390386441265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293359522696388,0.0,0.1576437578449527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578358801633276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958624292990026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560906718273884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679140539564277,0.0,0.10528829063941747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923300254570457,0.0,0.0,0.26171113093650905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969034887498209,0.0,0.0,0.14288496880687784,0.0,0.0,0.17385522056229208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843688873478598,0.0,0.3871173453686285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868316028483886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732725588785614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221624260112926,0.0,0.0,0.4052916804618196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307940436359036,0.0,0.0,0.1470768125374485,0.10802737900039193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304140165179214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IowaCorn18,2019/01/25,I just learned how to tie a noose.. It made me kinda happy for some reason and I don't know why. ,-2.1346969696969715,-0.32501840909090873,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,96.72727272727272,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-1.8834121212121209,73,1,19,0,3,25,21,22,0.0,0.833,0.16699999999999998,0.5279,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,9,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193129887651523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681031959217562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616044367616051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501579067244586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401982272799352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okay7720,2019/01/25,I can’t even articulate how I feel anymore. Nothing seems right.  I have gone from confused to heartbroken to apathetic. My heart hurts and I feel everything so strongly. I don’t feel like a human anymore I just feel like a void that is eating everything up to try to feel full and just end up with more reasons to feel empty but so heavy at the same time. My heart feels like it weighs a million pounds. I wish it wasn’t like this. I have tried. I’m so sorry. ,0.9311315280464214,3.3179846276595764,2.4299613152804653,92.86136363636363,85.70212765957447,5.545841392649903,21.31141199226305,6.980632752743323,0.5253957446808504,361,12,78,5,11,117,59,94,0.122,0.7140000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.7148,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,4,0,6,4,2,2,0,19,17,7,0,1,3,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,9,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,7,10,5,10,15,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29427269999287664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518125120113623,0.0,0.0,0.13140568898827173,0.0,0.0,0.09799244239055968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666784138788341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251179636915901,0.317971930561081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516220262261398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882578989961202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28993090787858045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235841628876364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254199856711706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670129497093324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506421352695303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608036765792653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651172915038903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201457641139946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061026758274134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,213adafy,2019/01/25,"Just pouring out some thoughts I am known by many names but none of them are or ever were important. I am just as much of a random nobody as the people I still care about. That's why im here. Because I care about them. They are not afraid to let me know that im in the center of every problem. My parents worked hard to help me get to where I am but now I'd need to put in the work and I just simply can not. My friends told me things any good friend would tell to someone, but those are not of use anymore. I know they are just lies. I have realised long ago that I am the problem dragging people down, wasting their time but not deserving it. Everyone gave me so much and I still dont do anything with my life. All the effort they have wasted on me could have gone into making their own life better, and I wished they chose that instead. I realise I need to get rid of the root of the problems. I need to get rid of myself so they can stop pretending they care and make their own lives better.

​

Farewell",2.154997367035282,3.8012370142180067,2.906785150078992,95.10092548709852,76.96208530805688,5.447182727751448,22.148762506582408,5.82211442006289,0.06102190626645587,794,22,177,4,18,249,118,211,0.127,0.721,0.151,0.7765,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,11,5,15,12,0,1,8,0,19,2,0,4,2,43,38,13,0,9,13,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,5,1,34,8,26,30,7,18,0,0,0,0,19,8,0,3,8,127,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134008081653684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386848169407133,0.1389144636613751,0.07774328349238406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337729280583353,0.0,0.0,0.09407775307876944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968999155624954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221808626843424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496785081311537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127728795373713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398522750306835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341133041208657,0.09632171525043956,0.10924013674748273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665070344204428,0.0,0.1791865089706101,0.0,0.0,0.09588836696485023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241058803437086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766280242352133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469760364753563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565741457861396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690259688045665,0.16149885663772084,0.0,0.0,0.10094894405876703,0.10117189723546403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526224370425597,0.11590516560727407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808051988364578,0.2543062622805707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694171030037202,0.0,0.0,0.15851378278447165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281738455391667,0.0,0.11492578202329405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686516201274344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825963408071967,0.09557880673013404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999229852075081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759508508837316,0.0,0.0,0.09075936884197998,0.06666242330505037,0.0,0.0,0.10924013674748273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873801441020684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315835839239447,0.0,0.1314653398964859,0.0,0.0,0.16645641848114304,0.0,0.0,0.08121148995376984,0.0,0.1389144636613751,0.0
suicidewatch,0xB3FF,2019/01/25,"7 or 8 days In 7 or 8 days I'll have been single for a year. Feb 2nds the date. Just idk whether or not January has 30 or 31 days. My life turned to shit Feb 2nd. 2 days before was the happiest day of my life. Then I found out I was being cheated on. Then I didn't get accepted to colleges. I got into a shitty job I hate. I developed many substance addictions. I lost friends as they moved on. I stopped being able to meet new people. I became a shell of what I once was. I'm not me anymore. 

In July I said if I was single for a year (Feb 2nd) I'd end it. I guess it's crunch time now. Only 7 or 8 days left. But i doubt anything will go right in that time. Guess I'll drive really fast into a tree. My neon won't save me from shit. Idk why I felt like posting. Just wanted to vent. It was great while it lasted. To bad it won't be anymore. Thanks y'all. Reddit has been fun ",-1.780735042735042,0.1241421743589779,1.0841025641025652,100.15367521367523,96.48717948717949,4.11965811965812,14.914529914529915,5.82211442006289,-0.8748290598290596,664,15,167,6,27,229,118,195,0.193,0.7190000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9473,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,1,3,14,4,1,7,0,17,5,2,0,0,24,31,12,0,2,12,0,1,1,1,3,3,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,13,2,22,7,19,12,2,34,0,1,0,0,5,10,2,9,21,90,29,2,0.1284525716516197,0.0,0.0,0.14003226341196098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547808696855189,0.0,0.0,0.10570552160086112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725253186160012,0.0,0.0,0.1093036774965824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970476925950762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377085174012785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233346128387552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408416146988474,0.09924213821766037,0.0,0.06711116700359114,0.0,0.07300255666029082,0.0,0.10273525591553816,0.14161941372332493,0.28300997909047576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682032088792533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274693568072737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470599023242726,0.0,0.0,0.13956409494663696,0.0,0.1814597003027857,0.06275543811896661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022115586717615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302307462263995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652475509642542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406029413977213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679779657055074,0.0,0.09769396903562053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905283949611813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302205607185275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822900066161076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096977943375558,0.12218781098361856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637094377746653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739210162616766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826186982953615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980345503655434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971951187246345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576465485149785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590846639615833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543848932130292
suicidewatch,bbhart1620,2019/01/25,"I’m really really really dumb high schooler Short rant kinda? 
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and half two months ago, it was along time coming and I emotionally prepared for it honestly since we hit a year. A month after the break up I started dating someone else, I’ve come to realize that I genuinely can’t feel any emotions. I’m so numb to everything I can’t enjoy the love this new guy is giving me. So yknow after months of not self harming, other then like punching myself a few times ( trust me I know I’m fucking dumb) I decided hey! Let’s fucking cut my wrist! Yknow bc why not, haven’t done it there in years but WHY NOT. I made this deck at 3 am mid non emotional breakdown?? ( like a breakdown but also not really being sad because I can’t FELL IT ) and I have to try on prom dresses tomorrow!! With several fresh cuts on my arm!! I’m so fucking dumb! Wtf!! ",0.9903631284916159,3.2959154525139667,3.128432960893857,88.57421368715086,84.41899441340783,6.485027932960894,22.357821229050284,7.7348632917899725,1.1899316201117318,682,24,141,13,20,231,116,179,0.13,0.713,0.156,-0.5495,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,0,5,18,8,0,7,0,11,7,2,1,0,21,27,10,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,12,0,2,3,1,17,6,17,21,1,29,0,2,0,4,6,9,6,1,18,78,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311703754007345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204829249224154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677800379118651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778882084480537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984646173038228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058757135168605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660034055273747,0.4306264058626602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146860905528132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452257872146375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35391538569526765,0.0,0.12241348646554867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635225612957662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482515014265695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013017143636513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048810829151056,0.0,0.12468591616166537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517145156420446,0.12074603651992928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30556712618204623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324486847481746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32699651770187776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312326256237916,0.14416103002195815,0.0,0.10555888486296623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812207844551867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903217947956148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488188242746922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663764321333302,0.0,0.12465474378465698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302932424135324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652663850012446
suicidewatch,throwawaybunnyrabbit,2019/01/25,if I killmyself I hope you see this and I hope it breaks you I hope rose sees me suffer and I hope she knows she did it I hope she sees me starve and I hope she sees me hurt myself and I hope one day if/when I kill myself I hope she knows and I hope she feels it. i hope the guilt eats her up until she kills herself. i hope all tye fucking trauma and PTSD and self hatred and suicide attempts come around and I hope they pile on her and she cant take the fucking weight and cracks beneath it. I hope she fucking feels it.,-0.855789473684208,1.2466548245614069,0.6231228070175447,104.13152631578949,92.85964912280701,3.04,14.61754385964912,3.1291,-1.562525614035088,406,8,100,0,15,128,53,114,0.221,0.519,0.261,0.4228,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,2,1,1,1,22,5,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,32,28,13,3,14,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,13,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,1,7,35,13,5,27,1,8,0,2,4,3,16,4,3,14,2,64,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263525529057533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060885000663103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045376334421884525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071995774247586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711521898508644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513986586647936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9084827273384808,0.0,0.0,0.07532176078774826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556856767500601,0.0,0.0773359554312729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767770981636616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822469935098896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427102021746706,0.0,0.07340075241175971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696234405629794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052901911312697794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567944023787534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsnotcalledchads,2019/01/25,I want to die. I think about it a lot. A relationship that I have is in shambles. I don't want to exist. If there was a potion I could drink to kill myself I absolutely would. ,-1.0210526315789463,1.0403442631578947,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,93.21052631578951,5.145263157894737,15.494736842105262,6.742157984588678,-0.3155957894736847,134,3,32,2,5,48,28,38,0.244,0.682,0.07400000000000001,-0.8402,0,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28087422688369545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651005781943342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34461847748502605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892014861379196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990777203690813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776888393846035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254116534703112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149875520062852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499002212510872,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ren_the_mistake,2019/01/25,"It’s really cold out And I want to drive back to my home which is two hours away. I want to go to the park where me and the love of my life spent our summer days. I want to lay down under that tree in the middle of the night. I want to take of my jackets and swallow a bunch of pills and alcohol. I want to lay down and slowly drift away. I want to sleep. 
I want to sleep and never wake up. 
But I can’t. No matter how much I want to. 
And I’m selfish for wanting to, aren’t I?",-0.9194912427022536,0.6330150825688108,1.5901417848206842,101.31121768140116,86.24770642201834,4.6975813177648025,14.49624687239366,5.565023196281405,-1.1782000000000004,360,5,97,2,11,123,63,109,0.051,0.7979999999999999,0.151,0.5267,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,3,8,3,1,1,21,17,9,0,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,8,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,1,1,15,1,24,16,2,19,0,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,6,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856693380465867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788049560607473,0.11409062817466492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568910692660004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432449707645154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883145547190113,0.0,0.1461187338313153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480111017809844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391354006850098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907213493549732,0.0,0.11443535706822165,0.0,0.0,0.13923916846782178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505233432592357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969627783382431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155895937202094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494006804481047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7876347127988701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jdpm1991,2019/01/25,"Do you ever wish your parents aborted you? With what you're going through now, do you hate that your mother didn't abort you?",3.66,5.351617599999997,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,73.0,5.0,24.5,3.1291,0.15539999999999976,100,3,20,0,2,30,19,25,0.146,0.7559999999999999,0.097,-0.3313,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185210968312835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629520507049973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568013090791515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137520580853222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320598625848836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,That_Introvert55,2019/01/25,"Hopeless, Lost, Confused I really screwed up my life. My stupidity and shyness has costed me so many opportunities. I failed college due to my epic stupidity. My mom called me a good for nothing loser and she's right. I crashed the family car. I flunked college. I gave my phone to a random stranger (don't ask me why). I'm single. I'm stuck at home. I think even my therapist thinks I'm dumb and crazy. I feel so lost. I'm in an existential crisis. I have nowhere to go or where to start. What happened to me? Why am I like this? Why am I so stupid? Why am I so shy? I feel as if I will always depend on my parents to live. I will never be like my mature, hard working father. I will never be like my brave mother. I just want to get rid of myself because life doesn't tolerate idiots and losers like me. I don't want to upset my family, but I feel like they and everyone on Earth will be better off without me. I'm so scared...I don't know what to do or how to get started again. I'm seriously screwed. ",-0.4070243737305361,1.8137978151658771,2.2806821259309444,92.13316943127964,92.17535545023695,5.099593771157753,19.857989167230876,6.7097532225279775,0.32634583615436785,773,26,172,11,28,267,116,211,0.196,0.675,0.13,-0.9041,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,8,10,26,7,2,4,0,17,4,0,2,2,25,42,16,0,3,6,4,4,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,7,17,0,0,4,4,37,9,20,31,1,16,0,7,0,2,10,8,3,6,11,103,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837983044443053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176773636283665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940021403266638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151970245112622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300152637633253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603000496876623,0.0,0.0,0.1244610602615297,0.0,0.0,0.2455793800676179,0.0,0.19757748625518207,0.0930518248780558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610225176116045,0.0,0.07402503032956954,0.10924892786228507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518112880321403,0.0,0.11667991956315672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065305323212106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158291592186825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400122451896053,0.3181719533275468,0.0,0.11501461810578993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843701862173565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205475780953685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254919119307853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009162478625885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249799980681763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462907431100702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344256029174492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123422143571952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438561635724526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123223745040426,0.0,0.16692003202056993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365162892554382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701275206212938,0.0,0.0,0.12555796967058072,0.0,0.09482477296504004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ingomyfriend,2019/01/25,"I’m gonna kill myself tomorrow I studied classical music, and I’m fairly good. Finished my B. Mus at a very demanding school and was on my way to apply at one of the best conservatories in the world for a master degree.

My parents let me take a gap year and stay at their house so I could study and practice for the examinations and everything was going well until last month.

To make things simple, let’s just say I had an accident.

Applying for the master this year is not even plausible, but staying another year at my parents is embarrassing at this point.

I’m worried that I’ve already spent a decade to be good, and it could take me another one to overcome this.

I’m already about 5 years older than most people at my level, and that, in music, is a huge gap.

This is what I wanted to do, and how I wanted to do it, but after effectively a decade of being in this extremely competitive, stressful, venomous environment that I wanted to be in, I broke down.

I barely go outside, most of my few friends are overseas and don’t have anyone to talk about how I’ve felt all this years. So today I took the dog’s leash and hung myself for a few seconds.

I thought it would hurt a lot, but it didn’t. It made me cry to think you could vanish so gently.

I will try to kill myself tomorrow.",5.0096538461538485,5.242014773076928,6.314423076923077,78.73432692307694,68.57692307692308,9.115384615384617,29.32692307692308,9.017664075816787,2.2627307692307688,1011,34,202,17,16,343,141,260,0.133,0.763,0.104,-0.8713,2,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,1,1,4,10,11,2,2,14,0,23,0,0,5,1,35,42,19,2,7,5,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,16,10,0,0,5,0,1,3,3,6,1,3,9,2,25,5,34,22,7,36,0,2,0,0,7,16,0,3,14,144,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24770777953244846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537594189883926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847717989326546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177834954777802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26883105915634303,0.0,0.12328465474438707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413002513537667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086939891297596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776300621862206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671232601898217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757124356717814,0.188274446139679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950388720481573,0.12014967185406684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483423485891301,0.0,0.0,0.0914863396157552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295353688526812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541801114914132,0.0,0.1061992789725515,0.07491759874586587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958474445906385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521064066819213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24924692071966464,0.0,0.0,0.07780947680074614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609816098433318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925361562436353,0.0,0.11358760684389893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392547213115137,0.0,0.0,0.12856458115791958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168773199622478,0.0902100787280638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456381225688055,0.0719155262967561,0.0,0.08910189234411743,0.0,0.0,0.10638546461350724,0.0,0.12469698950503932,0.07620006011227146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926054619892132,0.19859697413380525,0.08908675803336441,0.0,0.0,0.10091256167125136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397988471146127,0.0,0.07972837986086984,0.0,0.0,0.3613776486418924
suicidewatch,LoserJit,2019/01/25,"For the ones that care about me. They're the only reason I live. I fucking hate being in this world. I'm sitting in my dorm room, barely high off Vicodin thanks to this 5 day binge I've been on. I've got practice in the morning and that shit's the only thing I care about but I'm in so much pain but no one can trust the junkie. I don't care if I'm a D1 athlete. I don't care if I've got the world ahead of me. People that care about me. Plenty of resources. I've got fucking EVERYTHING but NOTHING makes me happy. The only thing that makes me happy will go away one day and what then? Continue on? I've been depressed since 5 years old! And now all I am is a drug addict living a double life and hating every minute of it.


I see my shrink tomorrow. Maybe. And even then I'll fake the smile and pretend shit is alright so they don't put me in a crazy house. All I wanna do is die but I'm only alive so the ones that care about me don't get transferred all this fucking pain. I only survive so they aint gotta feel what I do. But I'm getting tired of carrying this weight. I don't wanna be here no more man I'm so tired. I'm so tired I'm so tired. I just want to pop some pills and down it with the alc and never wake up ever again. But I aint got no more pills cuz my junkie ass ate em all.

I don't deserve all the shit I got because someone else could be using and utilizing this wonderful shit while I wallow in self pity and mental health issues. I'm sorry I'm such a weak minded bitch. I just wanna pull the trigger one day.",-0.5141222879684442,1.4865296390532592,1.684674556213018,98.42058185404345,88.40828402366863,4.176725838264299,16.358974358974358,5.369823440869387,-0.8323238658777119,1190,26,284,6,39,398,160,338,0.256,0.63,0.114,-0.9959,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,2,19,27,10,0,17,1,22,25,6,6,7,43,61,29,1,7,10,0,2,0,0,2,14,0,2,2,16,11,2,0,3,1,0,3,12,16,0,5,8,3,29,11,28,47,10,35,0,2,1,4,4,16,9,4,15,168,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056274480914699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943220379209439,0.0,0.0,0.04504922198567221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520805465646919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900374954069399,0.0,0.0,0.1429796442649377,0.0,0.06365062281612457,0.0,0.07669732930626386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570142843483347,0.0,0.06173460856142049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048810760002132525,0.06684747516158962,0.06226458398772235,0.0,0.06641724473867762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736644855062532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204960206379007,0.07722020182232582,0.0,0.04199950925120838,0.0,0.2955259739277682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733748250487015,0.0,0.14592341649510707,0.0,0.0785530601662115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808021836641242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527156366335666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713320131597362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219829763670353,0.0,0.0,0.13051146336994449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865867239738504,0.0,0.07424325395760822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447459205977487,0.0,0.07461870850020126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432556729178231,0.0,0.05699682778415641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090977959361411,0.0,0.07754642411259842,0.0,0.2503853633456717,0.2810243191476236,0.1572712541619742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123348725535839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429068293207547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598229721257045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888934378490127,0.0,0.07709461772912353,0.0,0.3034323036927976,0.06113147859946427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261588054101094,0.0,0.0,0.08272585894438267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680378978928629,0.0,0.0,0.0981927724499798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397522442968712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382653563675203,0.0,0.0,0.04358858741287017,0.0,0.0,0.08999122591182067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014223002886428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047589671380204514
suicidewatch,ddjsdfkfsdkjf84728,2019/01/25,"i think i'm ready to die i've been suicidal on and off for seven years now and i'm just so tired. every time anything got better, i still knew deep down that i would come back here and i'd inevitably die by suicide someday. and what do you know, here i am! i thought things were getting better because that's what i kept holding on for, but no! my life is in shambles and i am a mess and i've just been through the worst breakup of my life and i'm just realizing that it's never gonna get better. of course it won't. that's all i ever wanted and that's all i've been holding on for so of course it won't go my way. i'm so fucking tired and i just want to end this. ",-0.44590000000000174,1.3875039266666676,1.6755833333333316,99.74737500000002,86.4,4.283333333333334,19.375,5.148860815047168,-0.5865,519,15,130,2,16,173,83,150,0.198,0.73,0.07200000000000001,-0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,3,13,6,1,0,2,0,11,5,0,0,4,30,29,13,4,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,8,0,13,3,16,17,3,18,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,8,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471331892438934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587722032831264,0.0,0.0997916058910816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43434502828129606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410153234570601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397949763244942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499194368142074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480784040679072,0.13792652908081565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134044671429053,0.17105573875469302,0.0,0.09303597909301124,0.0,0.1309279504545381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996668612594194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312560224726628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262575628295507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073313450094218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581282218661144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875675558611787,0.10489403746361704,0.0,0.12996160516236965,0.0954563220004506,0.3763041909388253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311210914308505,0.12993953066690447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116289653913258,0.0,0.0,0.10541912871147643
suicidewatch,swisoncheese,2019/01/25,"Would it be easier to take myself out of the equation? I only have one reason to live on this planet right now and that's to take care of my mom. In the past few years I've realized that I took everything that she offered for me in my life for granted and I don't know what I'm going to do when she leaves me. I was a piece of shit growing up and I wish I could have known better a long long time ago. I work 7 days a week so that I can make her proud knowing that I'm working for her and that the money I make goes towards paying rent/bills and such. However outside of that lies a bigger problem. I can't go outside anywhere without being in fear of being ostracized for being a 'creep'. I honestly don't even know what I'm doing considering I'm not even talking to these girls or even trying to interact. I don't even want to enter another relationship. I just want to take care of the one girl that matters to me and that's my mom. I could give two shits about anyone else. But why is it that people look at me and feel uncomfortable? I'm not even looking at them half the time and if I do, it's completely accidental because I'm trying to see the next bus stop or something on the road. It's why when I get on the bus now, I just look straight out the window or stare on my phone and avoid contact with all girls. I look at myself in the mirror and don't really see anything wrong. I've had girls calling me cute several times and my face hasn't changed much. But I digress cause I could care less about appearances. At times I read social cues and can tell people feel uncomfortable talking with me and I don't even know why. I can't even hold a conversation with people because half of the time I'm not even interested in having a conversation. I work in customer service right now and I have to fake having a conversation with people that I really don't want to have a conversation with so I can do my job. Sometimes I have awesome conversations with people at my other workplace because I don't really give a fuck and it's cool. I've had one girl tell one of my closest friends at the time that I look like the kind of person who would rape someone. I wanted to tell her off so badly but refrained because I knew I was better than that. I would never do anything like that and anyone who does should be locked away. But that's not fair for me considering I've never done that or will ever do that. I'll be honest here. I don't hate girls. I'm terrified of them. If I make a person feel so uncomfortable I think at this point I'd rather live a life of solitude than have to try to figure out what's wrong with me. Because I've tried. I tried not giving a fuck but the looks on those faces makes me want to cut myself publicly to prove that what you're subtly doing can make someone want to hurt himself. Like I said my reason for being right now is to live for my mom and make her all the money I can make. But when she leaves me, I honestly don't know anymore. People outside of my family make it very hard for me to want to live. My old friends would talk shit right in front of me just to get the girl. They needed their 'bitch' to showcase their ego and I let them. And everytime I brought it up to them, they made me feel that I was in the wrong. That they never made me do anything I didn't want to do. They always pushed me to leave my family to go hang out with them and do shit yet they wouldn't do the same. They pushed me to go to parties I didn't want to go to especially when I have felt uncomfortable going. I feel like I never developed a sense of self and that will ultimately be my undoing. I'm sorry I just went on a long tangent. But essentially, horrible friends, creep shaming culture makes me want to end myself but I'm going to live for my mom for now and she's my only lifeline left. I don't think there's an answer to this but I think I ultimately found it might be easier to take myself out of the equation soon.",3.303777239709444,4.2242409031477015,4.641428571428573,86.72136803874093,72.7772397094431,7.585472154963683,24.77481840193705,7.891335392355504,1.1436329297820818,3110,89,677,41,59,1034,282,826,0.113,0.7879999999999999,0.099,-0.731,3,1,1,0,0,1,51.0,0,0,13,6,36,40,10,3,35,1,70,11,6,14,8,134,154,45,0,26,26,4,7,4,3,9,2,1,1,10,41,35,0,4,23,1,3,17,26,20,0,7,17,18,113,20,104,115,7,92,0,1,9,3,65,41,7,8,38,455,154,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996849228422617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03751748569113314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727952821268557,0.0,0.0,0.04471596446543338,0.06305426138088996,0.04619879422315098,0.11131269832476423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042362402915366436,0.0,0.03764725671492327,0.1374285409761199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975474220691567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04604069633861791,0.0,0.13791308080266587,0.04631860813164209,0.047697961798187034,0.0,0.04727473899848063,0.0,0.0,0.10799919093932804,0.0,0.0,0.029078539775691727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03945750442236667,0.04614148718433903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766589880298595,0.0,0.03993528532886391,0.0,0.0,0.2382457671091264,0.04078539239730489,0.0,0.0,0.04052289756743572,0.0,0.0850113977844636,0.050737424752486215,0.11399123623943895,0.03221144094874975,0.04329230975514816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049437531521903534,0.104506463098868,0.08336772054884001,0.047114064139438215,0.12975982917383772,0.17937499102469098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039069995498644,0.0445158458664422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826848278836165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447436672656092,0.0,0.0,0.04695303686503526,0.1238981004498466,0.0,0.0,0.1432275565246838,0.04898910281597877,0.04610634315440649,0.06369509234082611,0.08811242207954234,0.0,0.19907114042162907,0.11970648221674733,0.2271793687526293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532820756180053,0.2708740600641956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783208140749999,0.0,0.21122978599656472,0.0,0.0,0.03314544900679603,0.033432766844385516,0.13910101950502146,0.0,0.04795244022742851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731310088817635,0.0,0.12221332542369892,0.06858411392152099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043042352443769055,0.1875533407843152,0.07873958543335642,0.0,0.0,0.04262348101598886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431438831428832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510099217599461,0.0,0.08665510129346939,0.09271757234128086,0.0,0.04840848699780178,0.0,0.15402232293465995,0.04288976500313063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185985674047023,0.0,0.04703744200064038,0.05093749926113022,0.18513198205636824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596234375857969,0.07640717175913063,0.034711553772776536,0.04459396673072508,0.050473209501103726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037696247807861724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356046363740204,0.10872198563415997,0.11822877082109322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667322905768167,0.0,0.0,0.1577498180412509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009530528718438,0.15306164524813065,0.0,0.04404519666972545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720297425001512,0.2659453685245004,0.0,0.03616750803235042,0.0,0.0,0.04179776052704511,0.12205686096474018,0.0,0.051849883885610966,0.0434639850533722,0.0,0.09847552948622436,0.0,0.0,0.12811913246779608,0.14789254279381733,0.0,0.0290357027936891
suicidewatch,neverlandishome1,2019/01/25,"Need help This is more as a rant since I can't even think straight at the moment so enjoy my scatter thoughts.

I want to end it all. My boyfriend who lives with me knows that I'm depress and suicidal and knows of all my diagnoses and I'm honestly surprised he's even lasted this long so is my therapist and family. Typically people with my diagnoses have trouble having long term relationships. 

Everyday we fight since I'm depress and I don't do little things around the house but yet I work a full time job and he's currently unemployed and he still gets on me. Sometimes I feel more like a kid to him then his girlfriend. 

He tells me when I cut myself how nasty it is and disgusting even though I've expressed to him it hurts me. 

Tonight was the night I was going to do it he was suppose to be out and not back till later tomorrow. I was going to come home from work get drunk smoke a bunch cut myself and take a bunch of pills then climb to the roof and just jump. Yet I'm in the bathroom cutting when he gets home... my night my plan ruined. When will I get another chance. I just wanna be free and if I burn for the rest of my life just to be out of this one I'm okay with that.  ",1.4879790823211891,3.510638963562755,2.803507085020243,93.29341177462892,80.417004048583,6.383873144399461,21.627699055330638,7.492282038375204,0.6458881241565448,932,28,209,14,24,301,136,247,0.153,0.765,0.08199999999999999,-0.9554,4,0,1,0,1,2,15.0,1,0,0,4,18,16,5,0,11,1,17,5,0,1,2,37,37,25,1,4,6,0,1,1,1,1,4,0,2,1,11,20,1,0,5,1,1,5,3,10,0,1,5,1,29,7,26,28,9,38,0,4,0,0,18,9,0,1,25,137,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834542325869215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745018308357083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144992403506373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365037943470492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727096284793225,0.2678226352244494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168553105463506,0.0,0.0,0.2614256058830051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437664093641572,0.0,0.06671033498636078,0.09425443950668448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27572251209811777,0.0,0.14996348007838609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843329553920487,0.0,0.2646832626521592,0.0,0.0,0.1522353554442389,0.14123921988754298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092519786070822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501612681560516,0.107544690204318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318964087112803,0.06445681031389887,0.13223359951552938,0.11650108290560905,0.2335167682523754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978281817658806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24762424906873726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940261711969356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146716452578707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164888856117827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827610456780008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048715660599364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536351636455092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443155513299726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919875220947806,0.0,0.11531706539752418,0.0,0.0,0.15318678376173614,0.08765179723332353,0.08453866477715317,0.12962553521694115,0.10474170733043923,0.07693239960617508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781872189312397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921006028389284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway46178395,2019/01/25,I just need to make it through until I can get counseling. It’s getting hard. I hate myself and I know a lot of the stuff that’s wrong with me but I don’t know how to fix it. I asked for an appointment at a counseling center but haven’t heard back yet. I’m just getting really uncomfortable being inside my own head and I don’t know how much longer I can do it. Deep down I want to survive and be better but I can’t do that if I have to be the same person. ,0.6754901960784316,2.1103865490196085,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,80.56862745098039,6.494117647058824,19.176470588235293,7.3871296695380915,0.1966000000000001,356,8,87,5,9,123,62,102,0.104,0.838,0.058,-0.4835,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,5,0,12,1,1,3,0,20,25,10,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,14,1,11,21,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298833512462716,0.0,0.0,0.18908195876381767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174786100099507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854178785149234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027814373093774,0.24277538901283244,0.2523643918886291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054207073801224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905542773420532,0.0,0.0,0.16414019179415162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807648292424333,0.182331770147036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471043751077729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575298676759317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28149672441886203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145038219633985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26885310095786463,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoLTAJ,2019/01/25,"Can I talk to someone? Long story short, had an extremely tough year. Just need someone to talk to. Doesn't really matter what. I'll listen to you rant, just.. need someone to talk to. ",0.7483333333333348,3.2825971666666685,2.2957777777777792,91.42700000000002,91.22222222222223,5.102222222222223,18.31111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.30161777777777804,142,4,28,2,5,46,24,36,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.5398,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067060444082365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697859329449509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597426741326079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338309679276529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6012643386125693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057591787500747
suicidewatch,Madandworthless,2019/01/25,"That’s it! I’m done! Goodbye! I’m a lazy fucking shit, I have the capability to make things better, but...Jesus what’s the point of this? These are only words on a screen, you don’t care. goodbye cruel world.
",-1.5155297157622734,-0.11497516279069585,1.0919379844961234,95.74369509043927,114.5813953488372,2.841343669250646,14.080103359173124,5.033348758259628,-1.0812718346253227,160,4,35,1,9,54,36,43,0.24,0.628,0.132,-0.7157,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,4,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33107130079357194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816622627014014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830774637334214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34606919817623283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498733406807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847007109729406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538701502589755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842522991227181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486933534231625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sn2606,2019/01/25,NUMB I literally don't feel anything. I have an exam in 2 hours and I have not studied at all for it. And I feel *nothing*.,-2.956666666666667,-2.1229350000000022,1.02425925925926,95.7341666666667,121.22222222222223,3.2814814814814817,19.314814814814817,5.46131890053228,-0.14889629629629653,93,4,22,1,6,34,21,27,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.4824,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342962869860168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336962060155582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197310380444488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063938614240874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrbigglsworth1,2019/01/25,"I almost did it I've been so depressed its ruined every aspect of my life, my job, my marriage, my relationship with my kids. I alsmt did it dota.  The taste of the barrel in my mouth. I dont know what I'm more angry with. That I I couldnt do it or that I'd leave my children like that. Please someone tell me I mean something.",-0.7683724569640021,1.3180260281690188,1.6134272300469519,97.54608763693271,91.53521126760565,3.718935837245697,16.339593114240998,5.033348758259628,-0.9047101721439752,252,6,59,1,9,85,47,71,0.174,0.758,0.067,-0.8224,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,7,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,14,1,5,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,38,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821868674532644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427181188264137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302732050950903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743275440787526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796478470766177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487258494930328,0.0,0.0,0.2983906645112962,0.0,0.0,0.1990471113679718,0.13767562339592435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069681138529086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093371193131225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025529643962989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387723491328276,0.21694715418872668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24630987461955264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProudJellyfish,2019/01/25,"Mid-30s, I live in the Grand Canyon, it should be so easy... Living here for nearly a year (stable job, not affected by the govt shutdown). This has been the happiest, yet most lonely I've ever felt. I really can't put it into words.

I've never really had any luck with men. One 3 year relationship. Up here, I'm so happy with my career, but my chance of ever starting a family one day, or even dating, has gone drastically downhill.

Here, I live and work with a bunch of people, but they all sleep around. It's almost all hospitality industry up here, and people from different hotels sleep around with each other. Especially when the students from other countries come for a few months to work abroad... It's worse, because the men here know they can have someone, or a few, and they'll be gone after a short while.

STDs are high here, and I get scared at the thought of even kissing a guy. The last time I kissed someone was in 2013.

I drive along the park (Grand Canyon) almost every other day on my lunch break, and I'm so tempted. I'm literally living just to work, and working just to live. I'm not, and never will be, the type to just have a random hookup just to feel something. I did that in my teens and early 20s, and it's just not me.

People have told me just to move again, but they have no idea how happy I am with my position. I just can't do that. But I'll never find love out here. Being shrek, it won't happen.

I have nobody to live for, I have no hopes.",3.31343197071385,4.449096761744968,4.462525930445395,87.19441732763882,72.99328859060402,7.1631482611348405,21.59914582062233,7.520522993642371,0.6229879194630872,1137,24,242,13,22,373,158,298,0.067,0.8340000000000001,0.099,0.8145,2,2,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,4,4,27,11,0,1,17,0,26,6,2,2,7,60,43,21,0,2,16,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,12,21,1,0,6,1,0,6,11,2,0,2,9,2,22,9,35,26,7,41,0,1,0,3,10,14,0,8,20,169,34,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022681573722886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798838870503865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800302450306954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094558940569205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612209340237617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895492690956667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445560833887656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206889737700125,0.18087143770434852,0.0842356782862724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425025011864456,0.0,0.05055182155286996,0.0,0.09599444613254564,0.0,0.09137797364508488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223431733832104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899382249178612,0.0884101115953765,0.21285663068536093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563212236561204,0.0,0.09930059628855932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286286035364808,0.0,0.0,0.09921262185809583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549452297501553,0.08149531836826929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296938132567818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902339426418788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980139222199431,0.10626066719807824,0.0,0.0,0.23132732001442385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549520169306092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079362266731211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005053863102618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809678362852175,0.0,0.0,0.10733883047013727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009530198513146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001001713018634,0.0,0.16942187134517156,0.07696785867197847,0.0,0.0,0.0707648600430779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937127132091089,0.05829790747296627,0.0,0.0,0.09553315149220584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911403576941328,0.0,0.101886003942695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876495726439924
suicidewatch,PluckMyWings,2019/01/26,"I've been fantasizing about taking my life since I first had a grasp on what exactly ""life"" was. Suicidal tendencies is just literally a personality trait of mine at this point. I'm tired of people trying to understand my perspective when they can't. Or acting like their words mean anything to me. I dont fucking care if people can understand where I'm coming from. I dont want them to. I don't want anything. I'm going to be a useless drain on this fucked up system until I eventually kill myself. Years, maybe even decades from now. I'm going to get no where and do nothing. I wont ever have friends, and when the few (very old) family members that I'm in touch with die, ill be totally alone. And they have no fucking problem reminding me all the time that theyre going to die soon. 

I just don't understand why someone would take the time to talk me down, when thats the reality I face. Oh fuck if my life story was brutal to listen to up till now, it is gonna get a loooooooot fucking worse from here on. I've always wanted to be a mom just to get one fucking stab at my own mother by showing her i could do it a million times better than she did, but then I'd kill myself eventually and leave this theoretical child to the same fucking fate I've seen others relegated to. So even my dreams in life end up being nightmares eventually.  ",5.479008302583028,5.47272157564576,6.6038168819188225,77.88402790590406,67.56088560885611,9.579428044280442,30.22163284132841,9.354420925462401,2.454330073800738,1061,36,214,19,16,358,157,271,0.189,0.789,0.022,-0.9874,0,1,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,4,2,17,16,10,0,11,0,24,14,1,0,4,30,56,15,5,8,7,2,1,1,1,3,6,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,5,2,0,5,8,12,0,3,6,3,26,4,35,42,5,37,0,1,1,7,13,14,7,3,18,141,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386635463160456,0.0,0.0,0.07541222941004802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491631362049137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015573012224303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240431669434553,0.0,0.0,0.07807055778802148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236145682634806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881212813251371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124376495551816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027214093101585,0.0,0.0,0.1197218051411994,0.08198090334105992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543881491645328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709065890373333,0.0,0.0,0.07002126452828153,0.5865081156325229,0.1420528274165267,0.0,0.15452301077814054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053948593568466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596511379077484,0.0,0.0,0.2560613445924923,0.044277715212855034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105099349992722,0.09872369842495088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614589961430312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696286243792521,0.0,0.09510195986089648,0.0,0.06141389250929355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256642096460321,0.07913546938135725,0.0,0.0,0.08567556352509656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672160069565536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497087700087755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679132888473783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991355739053196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628642430215726,0.07284574264969071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854294668701244,0.10416697052611472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061532481149499926,0.0,0.0,0.2830501159145329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478004395004845,0.16036948723178404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178035592897533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236070379101224,0.06438164252942742,0.0,0.0,0.05836337483236929
suicidewatch,327A297,2019/01/26,I'm engaged to be married but can't shake the feeling I'd be better off dead I'm happy. I have good friends. I'm engaged to an absolutely beautiful woman. My job doesn't suck. My family rules. I have everything a 30 year old guy could wish for. Except I just want to die. No reason why. ,-1.0842622950819667,0.9404062295081984,2.0709672131147556,91.07956557377052,101.45901639344262,5.062950819672132,19.214754098360654,6.742157984588678,0.5416413114754102,224,8,48,4,10,79,46,61,0.175,0.402,0.424,0.9695,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,1,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,14,1,2,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,6,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717629291276415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141134770236188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783201403982588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410156526665992,0.0,0.2528086433975472,0.0,0.13559579324159074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071889797592067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492990443982835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655323878438738,0.0,0.28547402247738835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661192761640997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814013452830705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27572542380895826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817476147140128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198346921349195,0.0,0.3083845024799074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269394045202804
suicidewatch,tuvalu07,2019/01/26,"What is so wrong with suicide? I've been lurking in this sub for a while through my main account, but I decided to only post here on an alt, for obvious reasons. Many of the posts follow the same pattern: op lists his reasons why he/she is considering suicide, then a commenter either comforts op and/or convinces him to not take his life. But here's my question: why? What's so wrong with suicide that you're convincing other not to? I've been having more than my share recently, and I'm planning a date and time myself. And I just kept thinking of here and I told myself that I wouldn't do the act before I asked this. Thanks for your time. ",2.596145833333331,4.761047156250001,3.4121875000000017,89.59739583333338,77.4375,5.829166666666668,26.291666666666664,6.816661863887847,1.1106541666666665,508,20,101,5,12,161,85,128,0.18,0.6990000000000001,0.121,-0.8869,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,7,0,7,1,0,2,1,21,15,10,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,14,5,14,10,4,12,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,6,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424632746521552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403970225657636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165395447878845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727716244749152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548472923668902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160356682957275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848300940321851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33928088577602594,0.16291083561773878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5414271962180597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240543188915799,0.0,0.0,0.15190352957379616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057209515779706,0.0,0.0,0.19241767101435425,0.0,0.0,0.15765803020730976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29776131864718464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607882278169808,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evil_mancer,2019/01/26,"Nothing left Whenever I get depressed and people ask me are you ok, I lie and say yes. I'm at the point where I don't people care, they just don't want to feel bad to see me. Usually they just leave me alone, confirming my theory. I'm sick of people asking me if I'm ok. Nobosy cares. 
I have failed at everything I have everything I have ever tried, and my successss are useless in improving my life, college degree, eagle scout, worthless. 
I loss my insurance due to falling through the cracks of the system and they refuse to show mercy. 
I'm ready to die, I want to die, but if I try I know I'll fuck it up like I do with everything in life and rack up medical bills I cant pay.
The sucide hoteline is worthless. 
Why cant I just die. 
 ",3.0642857142857127,3.925265428571432,4.734935064935065,86.05097402597404,73.28571428571428,8.197402597402599,26.33766233766233,8.575989854853784,1.6895012987012985,572,19,124,10,11,194,89,154,0.26,0.635,0.105,-0.97,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,3,2,5,13,1,0,4,3,11,5,0,0,1,18,26,8,3,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,1,2,1,4,8,0,0,0,3,25,5,16,26,0,14,0,6,1,1,8,9,1,2,4,70,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971878138799266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702849553797333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207001254387488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947736011431185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450783457783555,0.0,0.45008601490417455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076124020669766,0.0,0.0,0.3897589821671309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309300976272406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364180030412148,0.07552573477824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944545005847001,0.0,0.0,0.15306634575193426,0.15706299398639864,0.0,0.20421157625338726,0.0706238735948653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562725860715064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870756823695815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30065552890802955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665429978664698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495854625015572,0.0,0.0,0.11519423298573472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962911658738457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592105221718043,0.0,0.17052843761674286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044136292728625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AM_Woody,2019/01/26,What is the chemical/cocktail they use for medically assisted suicide? been trying to find out through google and it's been too much of a faf. it'll make finding this on dmn's easier; cheers,2.7987837837837866,5.473464486486488,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,79.81081081081079,8.024324324324324,28.16891891891892,8.841846274778883,2.6543027027027035,154,7,29,4,4,50,34,37,0.114,0.736,0.15,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,6,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6568091462478478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398434877403315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36196894434278215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26413559428919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930289071088458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439491987102513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310330121934763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smtownlibrarianwitch,2019/01/26,"Okay As I Pretend To Be I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm stuck in a pattern where everything is amazing and I'm so grateful and happy and thinking of the future with the man I love.

But then somedays, I pick fights and only see the negative in everything. I try so hard to avoid it, but I can't seem to prevent any of it, and I just feel worse after we fight. So I end up alone drinking, in an attempt to just sleep it all away.

And most times I wake up and the next day is fine. My guy is so sweet and patient, but I know it wears on him. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. Like I'm broken and a burden. He's the only steady thing in my life and goddess help me he takes it in stride.

But in the moments I can't handle everything, anything I just wish... I wish I was as okay as I try to convince myself I am, as okay as I pretend to be.",0.760625000000001,1.9455771458333369,2.9795833333333337,95.07375,79.625,5.633333333333334,22.9375,5.985473137389443,0.1940562499999996,660,21,162,4,16,226,98,192,0.157,0.644,0.199,0.897,0,2,1,0,2,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,9,16,2,1,9,3,12,6,3,1,1,35,29,24,0,3,8,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,12,1,2,7,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,6,25,12,27,25,2,19,0,0,1,1,10,11,0,2,11,108,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435291015061875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134733266946744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956007437551069,0.0,0.0,0.1226411968952159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002110833051518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611374916951182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599528866440156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199871887377138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018228881982111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260662021949011,0.2129379521543068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475657836784963,0.0,0.1586480586748521,0.1335040079110104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989346365504306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380892632263902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052661890142904,0.2184295179485976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450781195416675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849794548273305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266921369957093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875975030706833,0.13567375422263886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914030920874316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205402770577576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901069012343326,0.09549412340534776,0.0,0.0,0.0869021539579254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236681335903392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790333572569899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427604530827152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187703272011396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ResidentMist,2019/01/26,"I’m tired and broken. I won’t get too much into my reasons as I really have given up on any genuine connection with people.

I’ll just say this. I’m a composer for jazz and classical, and it’s my passion. Everything in my life cuts me and my music down. I’m absolutely alone, and have been for some time now. I’m tired of being alive. I’d kill myself if it wouldn’t destroy my family. So I just have to continue through my daily life as a zombie while no one knows what’s going on in my head. I’m on 4 different medications and go to therapy. I’m tired of trying.

I won’t be taking action tonight or anything. I just need anybody to know that I’m not okay.",0.7755015197568369,2.6958023404255336,3.736438703140834,86.21250000000002,82.33333333333333,7.149138804457954,22.128166160081054,8.192908349453996,1.3080208713272543,514,17,111,11,14,184,90,141,0.201,0.759,0.04,-0.9673,1,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,2,1,9,8,1,1,0,20,24,12,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,3,0,1,2,1,14,2,19,17,2,16,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,3,5,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837945207992437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067854389068434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603404621011962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540740493555846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948915402262714,0.0,0.16729302109211328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271526326149497,0.0,0.2017086443798209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212464187134506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963326415707307,0.0,0.19505419811475685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506897828795689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787717744084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304531496790629,0.1315839690825002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025114843824335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302807158195354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113685098439643,0.1824579196383262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112291540144462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342745728416494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029404015521865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347806029399292,0.611890762332109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048335029997015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PowerfulFaye21,2019/01/26,"I have no strength left, please can anyone help? I can't fight these feelings anymore. I wake up wanting to kill myself and go to bed hating I made it through the day. I tried talking to the few friends I have. One committed me, and left me with bruises and a 3000 bill I can't pay. The others say they wish they could help, but my pain is more than they are capable of dealing with. I've tried counseling, and they are also unable to deal with my issues. I am screaming and no one can help me. Please help. ",1.613653846153845,3.629854596153848,2.5352307692307683,95.40976923076923,79.96153846153845,5.313846153846153,22.9,6.2581,0.30782230769230745,394,13,87,3,10,124,66,104,0.145,0.612,0.244,0.7808,0,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,0,4,1,1,7,3,0,4,0,11,2,1,1,1,15,17,7,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,5,0,2,1,3,18,2,11,15,2,5,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,1,60,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099714764308446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624534565101215,0.11453831793046358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078730812834613,0.0,0.0,0.10564256755503687,0.3377575795143073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282621457611092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655760540274585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930958252727426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617264240395771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4391880276721957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709729270761077,0.0,0.0,0.181229211580912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35595560462248643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499903023385714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200099432076265,0.0,0.17430319376251993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35962384737082537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026664588012327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166261443059074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242967250684206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661816506957106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837104281575548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OzilsEyez,2019/01/26,"This is it. Well tonight was the night I guess I found what I was looking for. It’s been ~2 months since the breakup and I have gone no contact for the majority of that time but I still check up on her social media anonymously. Today I went to pay a friend on Venmo when curiosity got the best of me and I looked her up; she paid someone for a “class”. I looked this person up on IG and found that the class is some sort of “fellatio learning class” to which was already a punch in the gut because it feels like she’s learning for someone else. It didn’t end there because I just love to make myself miserable. I watched the live feed of the class and saw her there in a room full of 20 other women and one guy, one guy who sorta looks like me sitting right next to her.  

I’m devastated but I guess I deserve it for stalking her. Reality is a punch in the gut because I haven’t wanted to let go. 

I’m afraid of myself right now, my mind keeps telling me to just end it all already because I’ll never find someone I loved as much as her. Only to be thrown out like nothing and replaced. I’ll never be as happy again. ",2.6289175011921766,3.868291836909872,3.841165951359084,90.57879232236529,74.83690987124464,6.379494515975202,25.390796375774922,6.691623216298621,0.7763068192656171,870,29,193,7,18,284,125,233,0.08800000000000001,0.799,0.113,0.7896,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,0,2,14,0,13,5,2,1,3,29,35,12,0,1,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,14,7,1,1,6,0,3,3,5,2,1,2,12,7,28,9,31,20,6,32,0,1,6,2,19,14,0,5,17,127,42,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24702315564698304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729127860320756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745796111438678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349864034530612,0.0,0.19826394689695406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056592440049901126,0.07995895565971375,0.0,0.0,0.10229705550733656,0.0,0.0,0.24543909086060406,0.08647266729825523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360932873254024,0.0,0.08951632607009415,0.0,0.2465951278710148,0.22164589890466174,0.0,0.11914581652301852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948372593037036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445048527261945,0.0,0.16404211615380015,0.0,0.09883147118706906,0.0,0.3759538958387453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020326402713704,0.0,0.07471053872683882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301193854902805,0.0,0.08933714684244577,0.0,0.08227745823828392,0.0,0.17264630086743585,0.0,0.11903308045177192,0.10503365387978826,0.0,0.10739467105541002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516860093922467,0.08512370081079071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977282424332892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116599145212404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258518462397734,0.0,0.0,0.11409303335594613,0.28450004775444176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938312908377301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978270325216355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526413356337743,0.0,0.10609143254766652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601602816710415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063365581615856,0.10375522429980123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Confused-Lemon,2019/01/26,"this isnt for me but... i'm delete this post after I get some responses.

i'm only a teenager and my mom and dad have been getting into some legal issues with divorces and such.. let me start out with a backstory.

my mom and dad have been fighting a little over time, only in certain times, not always. fast forward to a year back in jan 2018, i see them talking in the backyard. my mom was crying. my dad admitted he's been cheating on her for years. my dad admitted to her that he hasn't loved her ever since 2010 (unknown why its this year.) throughout 2018 we've shut him out of our lives with him only seeing my older sister, me, and my younger brother every once in 3 weeks. my mom only talks to him when we need money for bills (she doesnt have a job yet). recently, my mom stopped grieving and instead started hating him. she despised his name and every time i act a little aggressive towards her she says im acting like my dad. my dad's been spamming me for around a month now, and I haven't responded. his texts have been getting more desperate. he really wants to see us, but he doesn't know the full extend of the damage he's done to the entire family. he's been begging, and calling, leaving voicemails of him crying, just to see us in person. i don't want to see him and his crooked attitude, but i feel obliged i have to. my mom doesnt want us to see him, and i'm mixed about this. yesterday, he came to our door and cried saying he needs to see us. he and mom went at it again. is he gonna kill himself with these circumstances? he's renting in his friends basement, and if he kills himself we'll get evicted if so. any tips or anything you can tell me to make me calm? 
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suicidewatch,veniepenie,2019/01/26,"Why does no one care Why do I have no friends I try so hard
My family disowned me I’ll be homeless after this semester
No one responds no one messages
I’m crying out for help but I’m alone yet again ",-0.11681818181818215,1.9510155000000005,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,87.18181818181819,5.3381818181818215,22.43636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.5690872727272729,158,6,36,2,5,54,33,44,0.26,0.613,0.127,-0.51,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703851544916261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661737056174275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867682245866767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228460203456952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24610934622349226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169857987436776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23386343522156855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749867208640004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5307142760330376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724635719750026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471142067016866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VonQi,2019/01/26,"Losing control I feel like I lost control about myself and my mind.
I often dont realise what Im doing the whole day, because my mind getting into an autopilot - mode.
I dont really feeling anything anymore. I forgot how joy feels and I dont have anything I really care about.
I dont really care if gonna die today or tomorrow or in  1 week. But sometimes Im becoming conscious about  this mental state of beeing autopilot and doing nothing about it.",3.8729855537720717,5.5236420449438235,5.941605136436597,75.1097752808989,72.37078651685394,8.231781701444623,30.69181380417336,8.841846274778883,2.8999296950240763,358,16,60,7,7,125,58,89,0.117,0.733,0.15,0.5993,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,3,0,19,16,8,1,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,3,11,4,7,13,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610116623215298,0.0,0.0,0.2092714349786089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751101646960297,0.14043000555049234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592810052783873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28522480166212505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200287798505022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196427580754086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5960873832100508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287645477690527,0.09083780967746828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643196121278197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274693154689038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212031495126954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422511830824654,0.13880203256309406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281398673998884,0.0,0.2567756639765773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200630447479473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24437154523456464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257571267641842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205257532275453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199410875093033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196128518265058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway843678,2019/01/26,"I’m tired I think I’ve finally fucked up my relationship with my wonderful boyfriend that I don’t deserve. I said a horrible jealous comment on our way home today and realized I’ve become the exact kind of person I hate. Don’t think I can come back from this. This is the worst it’s ever been. On our way home I was thinking of all the ways I could just end it tonight. Jumping off the bridge seemed easiest. I’ve been crying my eyes out since we got back and I think he’s tired of it. Which is understandable, I am too. I think he turned up the TV in the living room to block out my crying sounds. Just so he didn’t have to listen to it. I think it’s my time. Just have to stop being a bitch about it and just do it.",1.1224884792626708,2.7701291612903245,2.887857142857147,94.0775,79.96774193548387,6.235023041474656,20.1036866359447,7.1686216300943375,0.21562672811059924,560,14,133,7,14,186,88,155,0.241,0.7190000000000001,0.04,-0.9862,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,0,0,0,10,6,4,0,8,0,15,4,1,0,3,28,32,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,11,8,0,2,10,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,6,4,19,1,18,24,2,23,0,0,1,1,11,9,2,2,9,85,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047778358848316,0.0,0.0,0.14706058918997827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470229755955792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631441080868474,0.0,0.2925317217147685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793689267357657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044742903925293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586613609153104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231007845548424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649719735226124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146420497538053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713310155911146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386617179231177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175793863946336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626687977741627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295995354823698,0.0,0.0,0.1266620626424616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122042643215387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014820549130347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132456661575604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119267950070219,0.0,0.0,0.0776444657333336,0.306086985611299,0.12621653194933305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448357362547132,0.0,0.13862032644901254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31707964097624536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444022461748212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mary-beth-gaskill,2019/01/26,"How to talk to a friend after you told them you'll commit suicide? Posting these here because other 3 subs deleted my post because ""it was not the place for asking this"". 


So yesterday I almost killed myself. I had everything prepared but I knew deep down that I wanted someone to stop me, so I texted a friend that I trust inmensely. In the end nothing happened and I'm still here but I scared him to death, I caused him a lot of emotional distress. Now he won't answer my texts. I don't know what can I say to him anymore.
 I apologized already but I feel like it wasn't enough. I know I'm a jerk for not thinking about how what I said would make him feel... but I wasn't thinking at all at the moment. I fucked up our friendship and I feel like shit for this.
Do you guys know if there' s anything I can do or say to him to make him feel better? ",2.400920096852296,3.71738830508475,3.540714285714288,92.19572033898304,75.5536723163842,6.187086359967716,24.50726392251816,6.5431188927421005,0.6270213075060531,658,21,146,5,14,213,104,177,0.188,0.647,0.166,-0.8479,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,3,1,1,10,12,4,2,7,0,12,2,1,5,2,33,32,12,3,3,8,0,4,2,2,3,0,3,0,1,10,2,0,1,11,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,7,7,33,6,18,22,3,16,0,0,0,1,22,7,2,4,9,101,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302193728252774,0.0,0.1576146097256519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164732057549262,0.0,0.0,0.11753554278449704,0.0,0.13352520468563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413364405828444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632004779335207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467240349854263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066264292266938,0.12650350341037936,0.1475798414882811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836489005664986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28887317315740746,0.2040731696972864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069762119998404,0.13204248616126965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142249847651572,0.12630261725112346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580183812761524,0.0,0.2354841385565617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395574113875158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142753543273148,0.0,0.0,0.19067803377351475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370476311880922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922520152602464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735801104027143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586244567088102,0.2271656355693037,0.14299607123134567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661122445086788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210179773803008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140628858836984,0.11941087621762092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562310069990406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114799998440756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303724867863105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364785865550777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424384740728938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146114506010816,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adventuretimelover,2019/01/26,"I'm useless I feel like I'm just temporary, maybe I should end it tonight? I'm so selfish, and stupid, and I have no use. I don't have any interests and few to little close people. They all hate me anyways, I can tell. I'm just a glutinous, idiotic, annoying, selfish human who disappoints everyone. Ill end it tonight. It was weird but magical to be on this earth, I trulls did love it. I'm sorry my fellow humans, I'm just temporary, but you all have so much potential. Keep going ",0.8204295532646064,3.2702966701030936,3.1336340206185582,86.99330326460483,87.4536082474227,6.944673539518901,24.578178694158076,8.07648339933343,1.8492137457044675,375,16,76,9,12,128,64,97,0.25,0.675,0.075,-0.8639,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,6,12,4,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,2,15,21,7,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,2,1,10,3,3,17,4,8,0,2,0,1,8,3,0,0,5,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803462117517137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697798802974494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534115353589053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409391938616538,0.18946010712705366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072020559191718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618317181192387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357234060482211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956412717592353,0.26580171778785394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393548374485633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664306964487134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495372248615933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385742762211715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968715275525883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179792568012605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290490709272827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snx123,2019/01/26,Lost I'm so lost. Hugs and kisses to those who feel like committing suicid! I'm not brave enough...yet.,0.012857142857143344,2.3718740952380983,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,93.76190476190477,4.704761904761905,11.761904761904766,6.42735559955562,-0.9684095238095232,80,1,18,1,3,25,18,21,0.26,0.3720000000000001,0.368,0.4941,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645106467436019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837352668325718,0.2520223708035407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723479364448489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7701906825606359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858783478036637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GDA543,2019/01/26,"Can someone tell me the best way to commit suicide using CO? I will kill my self this weekend. I don’t have a gun so CO seems to be the next best option from what I have researched. I have a car, can someone tell me a quick way to do it?",-0.04490566037735634,1.4881890377358502,2.1251320754717007,98.70618867924532,83.15094339622641,4.24,20.033962264150947,3.1291,-0.6555101886792452,181,5,45,0,5,61,35,53,0.194,0.634,0.172,-0.3313,0,0,0,1,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,1,4,11,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,4,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806625530723786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533650126968781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243554135484694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848159146174852,0.2389067890506341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388077907492624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504991555557201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003286858142517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977906257837496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635540649185121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vb1r,2019/01/26,"I am experiencing a happy depression Due to recently posting on another sub ... I discovered this one.

I, recently, been experiencing what I call happy depression, I wanna kill myself, nt because I m sad, not because I am feeling bad, in fact I m happier than I ve  ever been but I still feel like I wanna kill myself it gets worse day by day and I can't explain it",3.0829166666666694,4.844670347222227,6.462222222222222,70.10500000000002,74.69444444444444,9.8,31.44444444444445,10.125756701596842,3.755844444444445,283,14,51,9,6,106,48,72,0.297,0.5760000000000001,0.127,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,10,9,2,2,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,4,14,3,7,7,0,10,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745724668748665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722922662902547,0.2295814898604859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228341479428965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288602779501006,0.0,0.3243786279221724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033527178217006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904282593776241,0.13452719775385014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838310297198596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009145114188061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166695711780855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199772565689417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760230304186165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180346910219798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718626571921256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038292812732432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919018325131714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dragondave17,2019/01/26,"If I could, I would I wish I had zero responsibilities, it would make the decision so much easier.  


I've been thinking about it for several days anyway. Every time I make up my mind to then I remember that I can't because it leaves a mess behind.  


I really want to though, even though I'm scared of beyond the grave. I just want to end it now.  


I want to but can't :(",0.5709415584415574,2.5828309480519493,3.3351785714285747,88.29419642857144,83.67532467532467,6.966883116883117,17.41720779220779,8.07648339933343,0.5348194805194804,281,6,64,6,8,99,52,77,0.078,0.767,0.155,0.5248,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,16,15,6,1,8,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,11,0,10,10,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745547979060062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693631711432025,0.0,0.0,0.1348416861736479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851860943881132,0.0,0.0,0.1380978085924391,0.0,0.1761620306925903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138944363894336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27912997986761484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111149288276928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537005732590202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394436887241884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368510679363478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093292535802185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362050619743113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397238928783856,0.4108473374048781,0.0,0.12191838392592512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36996894134168495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404359305857655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29705411596190817,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontLookAtMeHoe,2019/01/26,"Tired of trying. I don’t hope for much in life only love 😢 Every relationship ends with me getting cheated on or him eventually deciding he doesn’t like me anymore outright. I have no motivation or hope to try anymore. I think it’s only a matter of time until I succeed in ending my life. Those who label my thoughts as selfish are the ones I feel are selfish. Keeping me here so THEY can feel better. I never asked to be born, but here I am being told to just be grateful for all the hardship life has to offer. Gifted with the burden of life. I’m not afraid I’m done trying. I’ve thought a lot about it. My plan is to show up at my ex’s work and hang myself on the business property. He never cared or loved me. I loved him. But I was just trash to throw away in his eyes. I tried moving on and got hurt even worse by others. I don’t care to be alive. And I can’t wait to end it once and for all.",0.17492721440907744,2.2143424611398963,2.4844411547002245,93.61962003454231,85.52849740932643,4.71245990624229,19.035035775968414,5.916634753146586,-0.22026947939797736,697,19,157,5,21,237,120,193,0.177,0.7020000000000001,0.121,-0.9396,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,5,7,16,1,1,6,0,17,9,1,1,4,31,37,12,0,2,8,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,7,1,0,3,8,6,0,1,6,3,25,10,29,27,4,20,0,1,1,3,15,9,0,6,9,107,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135562365316374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375809623289268,0.0,0.11432610586973475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761959277165774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481298571623685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452496047881766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233276687042909,0.0,0.0,0.08037112191189587,0.0,0.10252400229482347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305415411461265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357485782286737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732179575832343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417192992063723,0.0,0.0,0.13026521853490025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815831347559177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437959779990836,0.0594486466881371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034513693021603,0.3294736315073246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933081455866485,0.08945172727386301,0.0,0.18770037566436712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958946857516165,0.08245621482447776,0.1850923018894556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064305678224045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797018172865035,0.0,0.19320697758005134,0.07095490795752092,0.1398578358799938,0.0,0.11627425862865995,0.0,0.3304617425823321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858738751680882,0.0,0.12400637253173953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawway61,2019/01/26,Say I if sometimes you hate yourself I suck at being normal... It's like being awkward and weird is a permanent part of my nature. Man how do I fix it without offing myself...,2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,76.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,25.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,1.2390952380952385,135,5,24,1,3,47,31,35,0.265,0.6679999999999999,0.067,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40694879879985857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137348637716496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038552200679685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463577741414797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327787220792255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076629533051218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39733304319526463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kmceachern2,2019/01/26,"I just want to die I can’t take living with my paranoid and over-controlling mother anymore. I’m 18 years old and she still monitors me like I’m 12. She goes through my phone, has restrictions on it so that I can’t do anything on it that she can’t see unless it’s on an app that I can delete later that she doesn’t have my login info too. She controls who I can see, what I wear, where I work, when I go to bed, and won’t give me any respect or privacy. I’m a college student and I’m not allowed to meet up with friends unless she’s met them and there’s an adult chaperone that she knows there. I feel trapped and alone. I just want so badly to escape from her but I don’t have a way too. The only way out is suicide but she doesn’t leave me at home alone and she has all the knives and medicines in a locked cabinet. I just want to die. Why can’t it be easier to just end my life so that I don’t have to suffer being treated like this anymore?",1.7101973684210527,2.6683524928229687,3.393370215311005,93.99952900717706,76.70334928229664,6.564712918660287,23.110346889952154,6.9077264865688965,0.4597198564593308,737,21,179,7,16,246,112,209,0.14800000000000002,0.765,0.08800000000000001,-0.9457,1,3,0,0,0,4,16.0,0,0,1,2,14,7,0,0,7,0,20,2,1,2,1,31,35,17,3,3,10,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,2,1,13,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,1,3,31,5,20,31,1,17,0,1,2,0,19,8,0,1,8,118,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32359998847783583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623705005657644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309862629670701,0.0,0.0,0.12855828200282485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043974456362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504349314566257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242697807333049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836727751022024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899108213996191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069756241991213,0.0,0.0,0.14986341147618515,0.08878517530520763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567044847361692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585611800070124,0.0,0.0,0.16541768261294046,0.0,0.0,0.11034497995175478,0.15264540941148358,0.0,0.13794783988227574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392984065476773,0.0,0.0,0.11881469038750975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489791335550269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475995177372574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088269113789428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746031234234808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27643325675144875,0.2480052152254749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096702881555884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373226128371584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006025401615166
suicidewatch,94d33m,2019/01/26,"Who else wants to get some terminal illness or get in some accident without realizing and die, but would not do suicide? Am I coward then?",4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,6.272307692307695,73.24769230769233,69.76923076923077,9.815384615384616,36.07692307692308,10.125756701596842,4.1347538461538464,110,6,19,3,2,37,24,26,0.235,0.568,0.198,0.1073,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,6,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292767566192348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455300565757806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322032863934871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524378882802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396634927785854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987190984888969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29382685995089075,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hachiimachi,2019/01/26,"i guess this is a vent? (idk what this is i just needed to vent to somewhere, i have been quiet about how ive felt for years and years and i think its time i say something?) 

i have been suicidal since i was 9/10 years old. i just remember in primary school, 4th class, i started feeling worthless and that it would be better if i just disappeared.

suicide has always been something in the back of my mind, a voice telling me that i should just end it all before everything gets worse. before i end up a failure. 

i am currently in 5th year in secondary school now and i am feeling worse than ever. because of the leaving certificate, we have to study harder and harder to get the points we need for the course we have to get into. my junior certificate was shit so im not really expecting much from the lc. the costs of college and accommodation and just Living in general seems too much to me.

i am frequently absent from school maybe once or twice a week, as frequent as my parents will allow it but i was absent last friday and then only showed up 3 days this week. im not sure but all i want to do right mow is just lie in bed all alone. i dont feel motivated to do anything. i especially dont want to go to school on monday but ik that my parents will force me since its been a while.

last october or November i had planned my suicide, i was set on it too but then i made it through to 2019 and honestly that surprised me so much. i remember during the countdown having just this thought running through my head; ""hopefully i won't make it through this year.""

i am not diagnosed with depression. i haven't been able to go to my GP to be referred to a therapist because i desperately don't want to get my parents involved and i wouldn't be able to cover the costs since i am jobless and 16.

i have been contemplating talking to my year head or class tutor since september but every time i end up talking myself out of it, thinking ""you're only making it up for attention."" ""you're being overdramatic there's nothing wrong with you."" or ""there are other people more deserving of help than you.""

no matter what i do i have this distinct feeling that i am nearing the end of my life line. like i am slowly edging to the end of this tightrope. i think i won't be able to hold on anymore. 

 i don't really know what to do, i always feel so numb.  and even now im still thinking that i shouldn't really be making this post since i don't deserve any sympathy or help. 

i have nothing to offer to the world so i should just go kill myself.

",3.3993207377417884,4.735725957115015,4.6522807017543855,85.13647773279355,73.05458089668615,7.756665167191483,27.38386564702354,8.303829127061777,1.7762723946618686,1988,73,408,32,39,657,222,513,0.103,0.815,0.08199999999999999,-0.9359,6,1,2,0,0,3,48.0,3,2,0,3,24,12,2,0,17,0,57,6,3,7,6,88,89,33,4,13,22,3,6,1,0,9,3,3,1,0,28,19,0,1,18,1,2,5,14,6,0,1,14,9,65,6,61,60,7,58,0,2,0,0,16,19,1,9,33,288,93,14,0.19911665193903536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687416003228581,0.0,0.0,0.11045400354379548,0.0,0.0,0.045135383773160065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658234048276922,0.0,0.0,0.05461867956918518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510361382012324,0.0,0.08091977525872694,0.0,0.1129557367771554,0.0,0.0,0.0587008325323299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280458933035239,0.0,0.05716629351553431,0.06736640344850835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557548875273775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939304211075713,0.0,0.0,0.04383822356395447,0.06003747044077225,0.055921455696472215,0.0,0.05965106921565697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779893667725596,0.0,0.06372773717408728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387069765352109,0.0,0.11316258194199842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311648024022697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623408669661696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897579639723294,0.0,0.0,0.06592258777939825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508015268318087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343102459473135,0.0,0.03647643485179285,0.10820443138388697,0.0,0.07027859474284856,0.0,0.0,0.04688065994784083,0.03242611278894388,0.0,0.058607883882780314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280299683464857,0.13291191133544786,0.0,0.0666798133232689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701701889383523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637364983080106,0.09842831627657278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737186516086946,0.0,0.06964647706130364,0.07068424528351812,0.0,0.10095812422640724,0.0,0.0,0.22109547811123312,0.0,0.0,0.04601413844331223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274319875734108,0.0,0.06356623721041381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275592259054146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037356745027253,0.056681510933677924,0.0,0.052781851193044585,0.0,0.2686889094573408,0.0,0.06042277387561736,0.0,0.0,0.06813012727741502,0.2745189201644606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219315108141802,0.0,0.0,0.046978597030077465,0.0,0.053004938482659504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780129928095032,0.0,0.06255502933458623,0.0,0.0,0.10669494828258293,0.05801224340547041,0.0,0.0,0.07706325993860917,0.0,0.17011454744601825,0.0,0.05269212669791407,0.07740434733289986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744416024820488,0.0,0.10647957843613236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352779195582386,0.047148918867217865,0.07256760034654945,0.0,0.2564491911057378
suicidewatch,throwthisshitawayacc,2019/01/26,"I've been depressed for years, and I don't see a way out I've dealt with depression for about 2 years now, since the summer of 2016. For my last 2 years of high school between 2014-2016, I went to a boarding school that pretty much was an attempt to simulate the college experience. I loved it. The dorm situation pretty much forced me to make friends, and I had never been as happy as I was there. I constantly hung out with them, talked about serious stuff with them, had a wonderful boyfriend, etc. Then, during the summer of 2016, the depression hit.   


It was the period between leaving the boarding high school and going to college. I was coming to grips with moving to a new state, and trying to keep my previous friendships. But as I would come to find out, my friends weren't interested in maintaining those friendships after high school. So I was stuck, alone, with 3 months ahead of me before going to college. That summer was fairly uneventful, but is about where my depression started. My mental state declined, I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I just played video games to pass the time until I could fall asleep again.   


FF to freshman year of college.  At this point, I've moved out to the college campus, and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am transgender. Seeing all the signs I had, how uncomfortable I am with my body, etc. It doesn't really help that my roommates are extremely conservative so I pretty much have to stay closeted in fear of possible physical and mental harm. That semester was extremely difficult, as I had to hide who I really was and I still didn't feel like I had any friends. The roommates wanted to befriend me, but I wasn't comfortable with that for obvious reasons. For reference, one of these guys would constantly make jokes about black people, using really offensive slurs to describe them and how they're ""monkeys"". So pretty deeply conservative.  


Near the end of the first semester of my freshman year (around early November), I move to a new dorm centered around LGBT acceptance, and it's great. I make new friends, I come out, they're super accepting, etc.  I go back to my family's place for the Christmas break, and I eventually come out to them. My dad is accepting of me, but the rest of my family kind of is either uncomfortable with it (my sisters) or says I'm an abomination to God and Satan is tempting me and trying to make me sin (my mother). Needless to say, this was very disheartening.  


Near the end of the second semester, I move into a summer dorm, and again, all the friends I made that last year stopped talking to me. That summer was the worst time of my life I've ever had. The entire time, I had no friends, was motivated to do nothing because of depression, and got fired from 2 different jobs due to often missing days. I almost couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't shower. Couldn't do anything but wallow in my own self loathing and hatred, hoping I would die. My mom decides to guilt me constantly, about how I'm a horribly lazy child and I don't deserve her help and support. I somehow survived that summer, I don't even know how.  


FF to the first semester of my sophomore year, my last semester of college up to this point. The depression has gotten a little bit better, to the point I can make it to classes at least, but I don't have any friends. I decide I've had enough, and that at the end of the semester I want to come home with my family to work on proper medication levels, as well as transitioning. They've been pressuring me into doing this for about a year up to this point, so I decide I don't want to waste anymore time in college not learning anything.   


FF to now. I've been living with my family now for about a month, turned 20 in December. I regret it wholeheartedly. I don't feel welcome here at all. My mother doesn't treat me great often. She still guilts me about how I'm a letdown and bringing the mood down. How I'm a 20 year old living at their parents' house, and that's pathetic, even though she is the primary one to pressure me into doing that. One of my sisters treats me horribly. Threatens to throw away my medication, says she hopes I kill myself, says that I'm useless and just a menace to society. Constantly lets me know how much she hates me for being into men. How disgusting of a creature I am.  My entire family is mormon, besides my other sister who is atheist along with me. They have a superiority complex over me and my other sister, a holier than thou attitude. My dad believes in the religion but accepts me wholeheartedly. It's primarily my mother and my sister.   


I don't feel welcome to leave my room. I'm worried I will be antagonized further by my family. I don't feel comfortable being around them at this point. I hate myself. I hate them even more. My depression is consuming me, and I'm hoping for the day I suddenly die of some freak accident, just so that I can no longer exist. I don't really know what to do at this point. This was made as a rant, I guess, but if anyone has any concrete advice besides ""there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, you've got so much to live for"" I would love to hear that too. I hear the light at the end of the tunnel shit every day, and it's never helped me through hardships. If anyone knows specific ways to help myself besides ending it all, please tell me. Thank you.",5.4066940298507475,6.106488934615385,6.166808266360508,78.49669919632608,67.82692307692308,9.401262916188287,29.94546498277841,9.487481482313473,2.6199105912743974,4212,150,800,83,67,1384,391,1040,0.198,0.679,0.123,-0.9983,4,1,0,0,0,1,135.0,0,2,8,9,51,66,7,5,55,0,77,8,3,18,9,147,141,61,3,17,16,12,6,1,7,5,3,6,8,4,41,58,0,4,22,4,0,18,23,29,1,6,35,17,126,36,155,92,22,142,3,11,3,2,59,53,1,13,66,562,167,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04072847467920256,0.0,0.0,0.04173574212706758,0.04316712679074485,0.0,0.0,0.034680469709220174,0.0,0.0,0.08502994511041607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041334610318210535,0.08742928909974987,0.0,0.06859693271708964,0.11131009052625443,0.0,0.0,0.039159021561601184,0.03204876578804352,0.0,0.025407280177259132,0.0,0.035465966665749124,0.04695823509724917,0.0,0.036861904127110816,0.045502939417172136,0.046296243966244544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541786808827448,0.0,0.1801618229682967,0.0,0.03327748471585213,0.0,0.0,0.08063899266982882,0.0,0.2512879013765129,0.0,0.08651294955333626,0.04354593881249783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149263379406908,0.04306580042571458,0.1394501227949201,0.0825862423617589,0.037701262212986815,0.035116560525721985,0.0,0.0,0.04077029807154717,0.23574889027006474,0.046900736812123284,0.08429711197736765,0.0297756601097996,0.0,0.0,0.03809407376432787,0.07090468699546289,0.0,0.0,0.22540896267490015,0.0,0.021775684646322225,0.0,0.07106182427693586,0.0,0.06666939750149954,0.0919030268947981,0.04591438602242364,0.04126900417886123,0.0,0.044368330064137866,0.0,0.12344887316233435,0.0,0.0,0.09395107387079818,0.0,0.11174687427547983,0.1321092283214986,0.041807679864907486,0.12419068038925347,0.0,0.04809225140085542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04136021827419852,0.03704642694891558,0.046111907988284656,0.04340251865914879,0.09162328957873288,0.10192243969294523,0.0,0.0882646023860791,0.0,0.042619850656655536,0.02943928250866329,0.020362373228397027,0.041773551833497784,0.11041060766506347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752342896198761,0.07887581652062724,0.13910609445785854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397490653083314,0.08400574940679716,0.0,0.0,0.04881422661987074,0.06653594954092587,0.17719376051005348,0.1531951993987651,0.0,0.06429120454899864,0.12076222019085572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039992358536528064,0.0,0.04373535518105024,0.0,0.08472880283035658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462798678513082,0.0,0.0,0.028895139755552912,0.0,0.04354593881249783,0.045751293667557466,0.2364021439676402,0.0469870849806745,0.0,0.1696110996765315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680316338532704,0.04285320431073248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258003025819878,0.0,0.16872647956022674,0.06642592218235373,0.0,0.04348054120502925,0.0,0.04278314482992647,0.0344775011857185,0.046849216340639065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029500783294600312,0.04442452830762228,0.06657019590088767,0.034845714102871725,0.0,0.0,0.04771276249719018,0.0,0.04729711196060258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005005921919464,0.03642949618190346,0.03837264792243274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040949645431786495,0.0,0.09721400897799808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056594941306802427,0.04533504877526617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035997484577703416,0.0,0.034389741151430016,0.07375049362330631,0.06616608746348764,0.0,0.0,0.03747464566621657,0.0386370765835733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519936200055378,0.030342985895183656,0.04232729525342214,0.0,0.11843095588282132,0.0,0.0,0.241560598586274
suicidewatch,Whispers_of_Eggplant,2019/01/26,"They dont stop laughing I made a simple mistake at work and suddenly I feel it. The hateful gazes, the whispering, the smirking and the laughing

The *L A U G H I N G*

I'm tired of being laughed at. I'm tired of being a burden and only existing for others amusement. I'm a fat fucking piece of shit who cant even act like a normal human for two damn seconds. My medicine isnt working anymore because I'm not happy and I'm panicking and I cant stop acting *wrong*. I'm *WRONG*. I got a write up at work because I am all wrong. I'm not right, I'm not normal.

I'm scared of death and of the pain but it's not stopping me this time. Im tired of telling my only fucking friend all of my troubles. I want her to stop worrying. I want my whole family to stop worrying and be happy. My mom had other kids who weren't mistakes so she can afford to lose the worst one. My sister is the athletic one that she wanted. I'm just a waste of space.

I deserve this. I deserve all pain, and I deserve punishment.",-1.2403794958935137,0.7931447383177571,1.7166610025488538,94.30521523647691,99.2803738317757,4.276182384593599,20.50354007363353,6.11248444174946,0.2588928348909656,770,30,169,9,33,268,111,214,0.299,0.595,0.106,-0.9927,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,4,3,26,6,1,15,0,12,9,2,1,3,32,31,10,1,7,6,2,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,2,9,8,1,5,1,1,0,2,9,18,0,4,4,2,22,8,17,24,6,15,0,1,0,2,13,6,4,0,8,101,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038085148408568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761663898811826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267718811673907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913621216265363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986773633762541,0.0,0.05292633662430265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087089890793249,0.1935389152241734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371738703577809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285491090733398,0.0,0.10334393770824532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306591872719715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113844565612994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710346931256473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904510175409713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225929633666176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511665756939615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185966866267338,0.15921863909192602,0.22276110419821016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939105299040162,0.0,0.0,0.10479696843041916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074463915548102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375608965151617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148971929167998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610362709122099,0.3609222112617174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225132135285003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521837155054974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686482068357537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286118299435159,0.21260312477422294,0.0,0.0,0.34333387207452337,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sneaky_seagull,2019/01/26,"Everything is slowly falling apart Been in such a deep rut for weeks. Meds aren’t helping. Was fine for a bit, now it’s back to this and i cannot deal with it anymore. All i can do lie in bed and sleep. Can’t leave my apartment without having an anxiety attack. I had a plan to take my life tonight, couldn’t of course, too scared. I just feel there’s no other way out. ",0.6185126582278464,2.5639934303797496,2.003022151898737,98.29035601265824,83.0506329113924,4.9626582278481015,20.00158227848101,5.985473137389443,-0.2352924050632912,287,8,68,2,8,92,64,79,0.14800000000000002,0.778,0.07400000000000001,-0.6686,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,1,4,0,11,2,1,0,1,9,13,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,10,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985339603768877,0.0,0.2573765300625639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952442475043901,0.0,0.1995567411380776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833312946385565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26755624560166497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332420398099588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122234616466047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395242464454486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747967975819109,0.0,0.0,0.18330837816736703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882709316776203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982724188904033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597098693933242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512858096419256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059968373726984,0.20817325153686675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501703762730114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turbeauner,2019/01/26,I dont feel very good. Can someone help? I've made nooses and I'm alone ,-3.0813725490196084,-1.6531677647058842,-0.19176470588235264,106.53039215686277,109.0,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.049886274509804,56,1,15,0,3,19,15,17,0.267,0.5770000000000001,0.156,-0.2318,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176770728500002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726418532901412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039107858110012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382526291578979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27031048171085625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815938494434692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34169833903446106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327487254323843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HideYourDaughtersSir,2019/01/26,"good bye word, y'all great. keep on going its my time, keep on doing your own thing",-1.6833333333333336,0.17411955555555814,-0.13888888888888928,106.745,103.44444444444444,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.778466666666666,64,0,16,0,3,20,16,18,0.0,0.682,0.318,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854681762320556,0.3372980015071829,0.0,0.44336346288178186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7148853609912109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671655699929016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344924923443706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlowToTheDome,2019/01/26,"Pregnant Fiancée is leaving me She’s 26 weeks pregnant. Stupid fucking Homeland Security came to my house a couple days ago claiming I’m part of some child pornography ring and took all my devices, which I gave consent to because I want my shit back ASAP. Fiancée ended up telling her mom about it which her mom spread and now I’m labeled as a fucking pedophile by our entire town. I’m 20 years old and I have this bullshit label over something I never did. I’m supposed to be looking forward to getting married soon and having a daughter but now all I can think about it walking out into a field and laying there until I fucking die. 

Guarantee this post is being monitored because these fuckheads think I’m involved in that shit. They said it happened 5 years ago, I moved here late 2016... They said it was on THIS IP... thanks homeland security, now I’ve just lost my fiancée and possibly my daughter. What’s next?",4.05274621212121,6.165795903409097,4.540545454545455,83.40748484848488,72.92045454545455,6.056969696969698,33.32424242424242,6.742157984588678,2.1686315151515143,733,38,128,6,15,232,116,176,0.11,0.809,0.08,-0.8065,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,2,1,10,10,6,0,4,0,9,5,2,0,3,18,30,9,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,12,9,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,7,0,0,8,4,19,3,16,20,4,30,0,1,1,3,16,8,5,1,18,80,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440565812021039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585291586557263,0.0,0.16783390092231218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744766563857507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523194280465538,0.0,0.08878004395984583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287052473278536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219269060411815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817965045142345,0.07192226153190354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173328746774872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884246760041892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528775691291932,0.14576326576930906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560068295616853,0.0,0.150273391074323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224541161809034,0.0,0.1463120011174707,0.0,0.0,0.10617275421820424,0.0,0.14640417930929994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445220458560648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490735947398113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519224628248876,0.1318413147325964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618945278392897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28261435464303303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059782676033066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032190006539514,0.1267398781886283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764153941988356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294658672289982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119610438024788,0.0,0.11042345928643746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729851569669586
suicidewatch,mothlycrew,2019/01/26,Grief is too much My dad died Unexpectedly two weeks ago and every single day has been hard. He was my best friend and without him I just don’t know what to do. It seems like a horrible nightmare I can’t wake up from. I don’t want my mom or brother to suffer another loss but i don’t think I can do this it hurts too much. I’m trying to be strong but I can’t I honestly don’t know what to do I’m so lost. The other night my girlfriend wanted to take me to the hospital so I could be watched but I don’t think that kind of environment will help. Should I go? What should I do? I just don’t know if I’m actually strong enough to get through this. ,-0.6238379267790997,1.4052179860139908,1.8010777457836298,97.13202385849449,89.41958041958044,5.3227478403949,17.502673796791445,6.794906146795322,-0.22351797614150515,504,13,126,7,17,171,83,143,0.135,0.6990000000000001,0.166,0.7596,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,5,6,12,0,0,3,0,23,1,1,0,0,21,38,9,2,6,8,3,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,2,18,7,12,29,5,6,0,5,1,0,8,1,0,3,5,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.18279365369204276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604456667699735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964174359878594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965768633514478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955679533321029,0.0,0.0,0.12080349447057072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440470937782744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354777427217426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578220319292906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472008148149504,0.0,0.09786501713391738,0.0,0.10645614995782797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779858054473487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255541437990858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052593557332352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506106472524412,0.30883236107583145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151326524288457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044778303548884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938254535383414,0.0,0.0,0.2753980149418846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578362530848873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705256923141142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083851928911928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400493978946617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717544799719335,0.0,0.18298077253502001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096797228367104,0.0,0.15025380883302733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056619481468147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Science_blue,2019/01/26,"I am sick of failure I am sick of being a failure. I can't do anything right. Everyone in my family is so successful and brilliant and here I am, the useless black sheep of the family. I'm done with trying my best only to fail. I'm not only the most pathetic in my family but all my friends have their shit together an I struggle to act human. I couldn't even finish the job the first time I tried to end it all, the second attempt got a tad closer but I ended up being too weak to pull it off. ",1.5659643605870033,3.043131047169812,4.254276729559752,85.53904612159329,78.15094339622641,7.352620545073376,23.09853249475891,8.167268648758528,1.3107538784067092,385,12,82,7,9,137,68,106,0.23,0.6659999999999999,0.104,-0.9141,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,5,4,8,1,1,9,0,11,4,1,0,2,10,14,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,2,1,13,3,12,9,4,13,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,1,5,62,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254908505413826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072939232924192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214018627871871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499031569233965,0.0,0.0,0.13046567926808392,0.0,0.0,0.18874690028603014,0.0,0.0,0.5586367334232213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801759992238235,0.0,0.0,0.15260999162380184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798154721689986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601650895494027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004585766486216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868821828775174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027601168852462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064996255129237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518042854036813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682177048951787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluehourmorning,2019/01/26,"When I get home tommorow, Im gonna get high, and then im gonna go through with it. im a broken human, a broken person, im less than everyone else. I cant take the inadequency anymore",-0.2557142857142836,1.2608560476190505,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,83.76190476190476,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.6989333333333332,142,5,34,2,4,54,29,42,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401817350616127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342863173335814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869384184503952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442329221931813,0.0,0.11118435008085467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669999454793644,0.1962386877116888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8452810666206737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082165990427886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470937962692985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IelUzz,2019/01/26,Life is useless So i had a discussion with the only person that supposedly would understand me if i told him how i really felt with my life. His friend told him not to waste time with a useless person like deam his friend even called me that i was apathetic. Its not my fault that ive been through so much,4.780161290322583,5.335561693548389,5.490483870967744,83.30572580645162,69.16129032258064,9.425806451612903,26.79032258064516,9.516144504307137,1.9988580645161291,243,7,52,5,4,79,42,62,0.114,0.688,0.198,0.6898,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,10,10,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,1,13,3,5,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,12,0,0,1,2,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463390933254635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593406782627886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231633949552216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727720533313283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407983055060759,0.11786058797930743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773435352964217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347842000150932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212933258397839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454833645188554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067245661220135,0.0,0.0,0.4610416974072705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511455475131993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137420499486114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oneum,2019/01/26,"For the past few years, I've been having constant thoughts of suicide As the title says, I've been having recurring thoughts of suicide for the past few years, nearly every day.

The first time I remember suicidal thoughts rearing its head was in 2015. At that time I was 14 and in my second or third year of university (I was taking it from home through an online course), and the deadlines, exams and assignments were killing me. My family prioritised achievement over everything else so there was always constant pressure to do well, to the extent that I would literally measure my self-worth through my grades or how hard I worked. I couldn't really handle the amount of work that was being thrown at me, so my mental health took a nosedive and due to the stress of it all my physical health also followed suit.

During that time I would constantly and actively fantasise about suicide, and think through plans to see which would be the least painful way to go out. I tried telling my family about it and at first it wasn't met with very much sympathy, at the time they more or less dismissed it as exam stress getting to me. My parents also were reluctant to get me help, as they basically considered therapy ""paying money to have someone talk to you"" and antidepressants as ""drugging yourself"". I couldn't really seek help myself as I am a minor living at home and am not financially independent.

So I basically suffered through it without any proper mental help or support, apart from that of my family. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate them taking their time out of their day to listen to my venting, but it just wasn't adequate. I felt like I was going crazy.

This continued for a long time. The worst bout of suicidal ideation I've ever had was actually rather recently, about two months ago in fact when I was studying for my professional exams in finance (CFA level 1). Studying for that was by far one of the most mentally gruelling things I've ever done due to the sheer amount of material there was to remember in that exam. When I finished that exam I was planning to take a while off for the first time in years. I thought everything would be better, that I could actually have time to get my mental state back on track.

But I'm now taking the time off and I still feel utterly terrible, and I'm still falling back into contemplating suicide. I'm... honestly not even sure of the exact reason why. I've always thought my depressive feelings were related to how much studies or work I had to do, but it turns out that's not the only factor causing it. Despite how much my circumstances change it's as if there's this void in me that can't ever really be filled.

Nothing feels enjoyable. Nothing feels right, and I feel absolutely guilty because I finally have time off and I'm still not liking it at all. I feel bad that I'm such a downer when I'm around my family despite how much they try to accommodate me, because no matter what happens there is this constant listless, empty feeling that just claws at me as if there is something so fundamental missing from my life. I don't know what that would be, but I just know I need more.",7.687750000000001,7.267583175000006,7.711500000000004,73.17075000000003,63.08333333333334,10.966666666666667,35.91666666666667,10.411451182825502,3.683766666666667,2515,103,455,52,32,813,272,600,0.13699999999999998,0.8170000000000001,0.046,-0.9958,2,0,2,0,0,4,58.0,0,1,6,10,38,20,1,3,23,0,49,6,1,7,8,83,91,45,7,12,20,1,9,2,0,5,5,2,2,0,33,19,0,0,19,0,3,6,13,12,1,7,29,12,59,8,80,49,17,85,0,3,1,0,16,29,0,8,50,329,92,14,0.0,0.0,0.10877685686967856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04940490465232655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914105726515034,0.09275044903792748,0.0,0.0,0.037901089848679716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961515306897978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571214412249217,0.04653563399879585,0.06794996333762766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929227009969812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057254259232474826,0.058959273169274865,0.0,0.0,0.2409149893283965,0.0,0.04449913274138086,0.0,0.0,0.07188774972199327,0.0,0.04800368681337499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703532068830335,0.0,0.0,0.06463384564090115,0.0,0.0465586774145121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681183832299604,0.1512440155310891,0.04695837145138701,0.0,0.10018040592165504,0.0,0.21016454521402994,0.0,0.1972658003856221,0.0,0.053513463065410494,0.061053967218893036,0.0,0.14222215586027218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647503889012953,0.0,0.06334993120914781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928546840028043,0.0,0.049926793983779374,0.0,0.05719925176986921,0.11848545486646064,0.0,0.0,0.11207214955424948,0.0,0.11181166556325983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061661508736312425,0.0,0.061259992454054224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936663336637263,0.0544577186020519,0.0,0.049214219248605376,0.04932291247588423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246674005449405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448641590518215,0.0,0.16388386493984197,0.04132611874534488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069567178140788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03776685924793136,0.042388284062122326,0.0593049973080984,0.0,0.06188610708873382,0.0,0.10640898352502948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711404840084884,0.057303923157041074,0.05503068635496889,0.0,0.12627171000567422,0.047596605125882166,0.0,0.04432198238307272,0.0,0.0,0.044412850819417815,0.0,0.05814280710428784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722331040997976,0.04290682251116427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335279398055975,0.0,0.12768641497169753,0.0,0.0,0.3657842660513854,0.06324638059006353,0.05252871669846787,0.0,0.16762038664930842,0.044796947352678834,0.04871404795591201,0.0,0.06373678489296318,0.0,0.03702725038247175,0.035712152020922185,0.0,0.22123319459656768,0.3249899389010172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192262053926141,0.07567957215535517,0.06062268138693026,0.054444103780205616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459864580964026,0.0,0.04423912345173408,0.0,0.0,0.05011163692737895,0.0,0.050291343951988636,0.0,0.0,0.05372567026301013,0.0,0.1217252357246,0.0,0.0,0.19795947889083634,0.060936474023583785,0.0,0.1435636969074902
suicidewatch,Shelly199348,2019/01/26,"I can't leave my room IDK what to do. Idc about music anymore, dating, makeup, or working out. Idc about anything. Inwas supposed to go out tonight and I can't. I never want to do anything. I can't stop thinking about suicide lately.",0.08021739130434824,2.3173403913043487,1.7872826086956553,92.4900543478261,101.6086956521739,2.3000000000000003,23.14130434782609,3.1291,-0.003817391304348217,182,8,33,0,8,59,31,46,0.14800000000000002,0.758,0.094,-0.6633,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,8,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107105141483263,0.0,0.0,0.5156402363405125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805624058084848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534172980015967,0.3317406378982345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163713008120336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26193375627395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34270056301355384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075070045155605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847931117609917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280869391463536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,honeybee0417,2019/01/26,"I really need help please. hello guys i really need help. I am going through benzo withdrawal with broken nose.  I was prescribed by doctor for sleeping at first.( I had problem sleeping due to broken nose -medical injury while trying to fix breathing)

i do not know where to start. I have been sexually abused by my own brother from age 11 to 14 i dont remember. and after that he abused me physically until i was 17. 

​

and My mom always told me my nose had problem so she got me nose surgery (i know it might look irrelevant but it is. 

​

I coudlnt live with him anymore i had to tell my parents what happened and my dad told me everything was my fault by telling this truths. and i had to leave the house at the age of 18. 

​

I became so psychotic after. I had two abortion with my first boyfriend and I went crazy. I became so violent with my first boyfriend of 3 years.

After that I left to different country I didnt want to stay in my country for all the bullshit  and I seems like i was getting better. 

​

while being away, i had time to look back on my life and i wanted to rebuild relationship with my parents. 

I came back to my country and everything seemed go well until my first nose surgery started having problem

​

so i had to revision rhinoplasty 

​

​

​

few years later i started having breathing problem  I told my mom but she ignored. and I got kicked out of my house when i came back from abroad cuz my brother was coming home and I had to leave.

​

while i was living alone my breathing issue became bigger and bigger so i got panic attacks and anxiety. I made wrong decision by removing implants on my nose without reconstructing. now my nose collapsed. 

​

So the ER doctor gave me valium to put me on sleep. and since then I kept taking it cuz the psychiatrist told me it was ok 

​

now I am going through crazy wd with blocked nose I cant get a surgery now cuz side effects of valium is also breathing problem and i dont wanna get a surgery and get confused even tho the surgery goes well.

​

Here is real problem. because my health is really bad , i have to stay at my parents house and I have sooo much hate towards to my mom. and my dad the benzo wd made me so violent i dont know what todo 

​

i hit my mom and i cry saying sorry i am psycho please i want to stop my self and the only way to stop is killing myself I love my mom and dad even tho they made mistake but i cant help with my self.  I have feeling of betrayal towrds to them idk why my mom thought my nose was ugly as fuck idk why they didnt help me when i told them the truth from sexual abuse.  i feel abandoned. i am 29 i know i am fucking old to do this but I am so injured. before this injry happened I never complained anything to them after i left the house at the age of 18. now i am all fucked up all the anger and hate that i had is coming out i fucking wanna stop myself 

​",1.8841691529381244,4.36640512478921,3.190596964586849,88.43679699053055,82.06913996627318,5.470478661304966,25.31194707484758,6.810984321084268,1.1275959994811258,2361,96,454,27,65,765,233,593,0.248,0.6629999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9988,4,1,0,0,3,1,91.0,0,0,5,6,27,34,11,2,14,1,48,27,16,7,6,89,103,48,1,14,6,14,2,1,0,1,6,1,1,3,12,34,0,7,13,0,0,10,10,26,3,5,37,14,106,8,68,63,6,71,0,1,2,5,43,19,4,4,40,320,118,2,0.0,0.10384351187608863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030257497599693314,0.0,0.023362891677816168,0.024308873603511368,0.4431558425857284,0.4969848289837211,0.0,0.0,0.022349076229813213,0.0,0.028973016400889187,0.0,0.0,0.02404111277888747,0.0,0.0,0.03323580601204593,0.027448062657728752,0.06739263365423498,0.02439295672786259,0.01780893879513375,0.0,0.024859458598244837,0.0,0.0,0.025837924795247533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682740079054672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050331553284427316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03209084789959652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030523021499268273,0.0,0.05980472778831108,0.0,0.0,0.1027178220043952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038591913427424296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251236733316823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029543542192193576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939963838557833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080336458641507,0.061053655862871876,0.0,0.04980996275040972,0.0,0.07009671310717598,0.0,0.0,0.028927030537305783,0.051668718987758426,0.0,0.0,0.057686705310131564,0.0,0.03105373586952181,0.0,0.0,0.07832767736787373,0.0,0.02930460902096461,0.0,0.0,0.13483882662648916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03049243473607144,0.0,0.0,0.032321607876203216,0.0,0.06422228372861967,0.0,0.0,0.0618680508383354,0.06348346038468672,0.0,0.02063512413417225,0.014272769695072197,0.0,0.05159402450852337,0.0,0.04906578411461746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02636730200533174,0.08293063517810105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029430619104071614,0.0,0.03099205609619479,0.0,0.205294600950596,0.0,0.0,0.021476080168886733,0.04332448662080303,0.022532087631783198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03065579070914875,0.0,0.0,0.02221900702851609,0.0,0.03427701882161298,0.09731801219107168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413767888882453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772646398309368,0.0,0.02936872529800422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03325259163573551,0.05614683035489952,0.0,0.0,0.03136552916830727,0.033094427790554284,0.0,0.0,0.023232609195597432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053191718753174654,0.06095436360738327,0.0,0.0,0.024166605167568533,0.0,0.08770704504691793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270333412603541,0.062034697193477886,0.0622777172616262,0.0,0.07327409924257187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021965730811521644,0.0,0.05106966690765758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02319311580755736,0.01703525843616604,0.0,0.0,0.1395789313403569,0.0,0.019834784337702388,0.0,0.028538402799716457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169455439090813,0.0231891763646036,0.0,0.0,0.05253483776168369,0.027082211370094842,0.05272323470820904,0.0,0.0,0.02816181573748262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031941560612331284,0.4969848289837211,0.037626467562975566
suicidewatch,queenfool,2019/01/26,"Literally no one has any faith in me and I mind as well prove em right There is nothing for me to do. Can't find a job even though I have a masters. No friends. No one wants me around, and I can't blame em because I'm fucking miserable.  


Idk why I'm even posting this honestly.",-1.5524999999999984,0.3374487500000036,0.91,99.225,103.16666666666666,4.4,21.0,6.2581,0.20719999999999986,215,9,52,3,10,72,44,60,0.17800000000000002,0.618,0.204,0.4146,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,0,6,4,5,10,0,4,1,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556944331307345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298325678494216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738250910410978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410473940196955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23596940991712725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994671711236688,0.2386807890317809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562011708326519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26068551358345066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477281191673363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34989529221009924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726252327061496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204820362397681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536579240286651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522796832656323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213243297153516,0.0,0.23296489088755126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Garspachomapesco,2019/01/26,"I fucked up my car and realized that I am tired of everything I've been on the brink of just taking my life more than once.  I recently bought a used 4 runner in perfect shape, and just took it through a carwash and of course, it breaks the power antenna.  It was the first time I've felt real joy in a long time when I got it, and now I feel like it's ruined.  Immediately after I had a ""rage episode"" where I flip out and cuss myself out calling myself a dumbass who's capable of nothing who'd be better off dead.  I no longer get joy out of doing the things I used to love.  Everything feels like a chore full of problems, and I feel like nobody cares except me.  I don't see my friends, and the only people I really talk to and can be myself around is my dad.  I constantly feel like I'm just existing, taking up space. 

 I have a good life, with a good dog and a good father but everything else is finally getting to me.  I used to see my therapist but haven't for a long time.  I'm 18.  I have a lot of money for my age and that's the only thing that can keep me going sometimes, but money can't buy everything.  I'm always incredibly lonely, and feel like I only exist to cause problems.  Maybe this is just an episode, but i've always had these thoughts and always said that I'm gonna die at my own hands.  I like to think the future would be better, but with the way I react to problems I doubt I could make it as an adult.  I don't want to have to deal with this bullshit anymore.  I just want to be left alone and be happy.  Who knows if that'll ever happen.  

  
 And no, I can't talk to my dad about this.  He doesn't believe in mental illness and depression.  

​

I just want it to stop.",2.718577892695542,3.6203039271708697,4.374523809523812,88.1554120879121,74.15406162464988,7.397069597069597,23.53469079939668,7.748469712250963,0.939159965524671,1310,35,292,17,26,442,174,357,0.187,0.7090000000000001,0.104,-0.9844,1,3,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,5,12,27,2,1,21,0,29,7,1,6,2,66,66,23,2,9,13,3,7,6,1,3,4,1,1,1,21,22,0,2,10,1,4,4,8,9,0,1,10,10,39,18,42,46,4,40,0,3,2,2,15,18,1,3,22,188,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660992684214604,0.0,0.0,0.20874724594902735,0.09060728308403647,0.10161311385506183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829331911077387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444367596361552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942163541744231,0.0,0.14791843039207198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539012663219224,0.0,0.08526091313767849,0.08590556026126638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903685481701862,0.0,0.0667674856077873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621335147831123,0.07202579625674937,0.0,0.0867891934067664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985767210919769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564329166386498,0.0,0.0,0.3006258054254758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211415701140936,0.29870736547831417,0.08029278673379779,0.09160672638896156,0.0,0.07113109222222966,0.0,0.0,0.06460820410029118,0.07730964973190023,0.0873808656896744,0.0,0.04752582083838874,0.21042118926204606,0.06688227905699808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394900977539065,0.0890200044953435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432943923653533,0.0,0.0,0.04595792561037562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085843668148758,0.0,0.1181331394475514,0.2451287060442563,0.0,0.0,0.14801038339362305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109469463220315,0.07547451966846393,0.0,0.05582010923587764,0.0,0.0840122098794944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427398753815474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024011567608443,0.0,0.0,0.08905753261700143,0.0,0.1908009643134943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579748092212287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400525147065505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518316970508502,0.05357209788454242,0.0,0.08256926220441269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954620055931655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327605259725628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270692602393186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991395938492531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575067269538154,0.13442866651023075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709467446426068,0.11111301523000887,0.05358330486883199,0.0,0.0663886382776851,0.1462866334565962,0.09611424383148603,0.0,0.0,0.09291007309468104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667456726199985,0.0,0.0,0.14797197154794697,0.06637736190346083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940455844200275,0.0,0.10161311385506183,0.0
suicidewatch,Zenithstarr,2019/01/26,"People Slowly Begin To Hate Me I've posted here before and you guys were fantastic and I thank you for it. Maybe I just need to vent, but I'm not thinking correctly at all. It feels pretty pathetic when the only people you feel you can turn to are strangers on the internet. I say that because when I do get to know people, I push them away. I don't mean to and I don't want to, but I'm very good at making people just not want to talk to me anymore. Friendships, relationships...it doesn't matter because they end up despising me after some time. I want to be liked. I try so hard to do the right things and be a good person to other people, but it never works. My life is so stagnant right now and I don't even have the motivation to go out and change it when I can't even feel like a decent person to the people I grow to care about. I honestly don't even know if I'm going to make it through the night. I'm so fed up with my life and I'm so fed up with feeling like no one would give a shit if I were gone.",1.8467245989304784,2.893283613636364,3.7243315508021375,91.41061497326206,76.5,6.6310160427807485,20.668449197860962,7.048011613610866,0.25971925133689844,785,17,184,8,17,266,115,220,0.138,0.705,0.157,0.82,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,2,2,16,11,3,0,9,0,17,5,1,3,3,40,48,19,0,7,9,0,5,3,0,1,2,1,0,3,8,10,2,0,9,0,0,5,10,3,0,1,5,6,25,8,29,40,2,26,0,0,0,0,12,10,1,3,13,121,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559001162457193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950609483593407,0.0,0.0,0.1421001813458141,0.0,0.09917866571405716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188343268728538,0.0,0.1232984242793832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323203693755413,0.0,0.0,0.23094797897295616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23573233371185198,0.16653205977871374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608945293550397,0.11180898769909453,0.1324803763077209,0.19551952913728368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540654758918728,0.0,0.0,0.10440927604123476,0.11507270843184833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281097974065254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465073608768274,0.17082684027172268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560108056321725,0.0,0.11709391845251906,0.1269612142421216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642313666680455,0.08989344551655866,0.0,0.0,0.1093778087918329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897984464431722,0.08864438707989683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848222128417906,0.20354049620446746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162628425734143,0.11857707640362886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907254949430248,0.0,0.09268822858588607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196407603738367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368149782399564,0.0,0.10730704330519568,0.0,0.0,0.07743313955803817,0.07468294358316717,0.0,0.0,0.06796343512937046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913235268439403,0.12677702232080493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616905902481734,0.20623928348684986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485252589410018,0.0,0.0,0.08279644746749559,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeastDescription,2019/01/26,"Feels like my biggest mistake was not killing myself earlier I've wanted to kill myself for so long, but never had the balls to go through with it. Now I just look back on all these pointless years, and it just feels like a complete waste of time to have even been alive. ",6.322777777777778,5.965976092592598,5.415185185185186,88.29833333333332,65.85185185185185,7.940740740740741,30.962962962962962,6.42735559955562,1.44922962962963,215,7,45,1,3,64,46,54,0.131,0.6990000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.3417,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,12,9,3,2,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,3,4,2,8,6,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,8,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015822953121524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748662780935323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315200639957187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651085759895758,0.3745695512310284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489896755208562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800750216077915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561530113533632,0.0,0.0,0.2320004011137564,0.2201455748233752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219138339182527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286566100458054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462679471353954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882029870091514
suicidewatch,heebiejeebiecreepy,2019/01/26,Advice??? What do you do when you're tired of living but can't die? ,-1.6660000000000004,0.2457187333333373,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.0,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.455,51,0,13,0,2,17,13,15,0.108,0.607,0.28600000000000003,0.6404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48068316198160105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105189731655649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343604847041119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653715991743445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Odise98,2019/01/26,"I feel bad for other people that im alive Im extremely introverted so naturally I have a few friends and there's only 1 or 2 that i actually speak to on a regular basis. I constantly feel lonely and think that im never going to go anywhere in life. I cant talk to anyone and i feel really selfish whenever i call myself depressed, so i just take it all out on myself. But whenever i do that I feel like I have even less of a reason to live so i usually just cut myself and other shit. Overall I just feel like i should just die and the world would be a much better place without me.

Not looking for a dignosis but im unsure if im deppressed or not? What should I do I just feel terrible constantly and cant talk tk people due to severe introversion?",1.4842616033755291,3.4211111392405087,4.500278481012661,81.55885654008442,80.01265822784809,7.757637130801688,23.824472573839664,8.648137234880735,1.841046751054852,592,21,120,14,15,214,89,158,0.172,0.765,0.063,-0.9422,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,2,0,6,0,10,2,1,1,2,33,21,14,1,4,13,0,6,2,1,3,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,0,8,20,4,13,17,4,13,0,2,1,0,5,6,1,3,7,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.11592414006784645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306233195838297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991866010669074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506212787790783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130021093332208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25674452977445456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231562621070538,0.0,0.12328764322273232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846118787974353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603897099739435,0.1697304729195538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917786293858696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502479314282814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6415802959510825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390650827188995,0.11607182595031135,0.0,0.10489576937013574,0.0,0.09975560587644272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732600233571361,0.0,0.09161993816786916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034689032686796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647112345352334,0.0,0.12411266049377526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610138349514636,0.12213826002441965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420147600175308,0.12193857966862146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931701898429023,0.19096148754308934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761173034804171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083292573977018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451152945648672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438663524243091,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reaperx1,2019/01/26,"You're still young, there's plenty of time! Yes because it really makes me feel hopeful that my life MAY get better in my later years while most people had a very enjoyable youth and could make most of it.

My few friends have given up on me, their significant other always number one priority. I'm stuck in a loop of self improvement-no rewards in trying to get my life sorted out. I feel like I have everything I need except for a significant other to share my life with and of course I'm stigmatized for it, I'm not entitled to someone's love no matter how hard I work on myself and keep being praised to be this fantastic gorgeous, smart and funny person. I'm in this loop of being told to stay confident and it will happen when you expect it less. Bullshit, not for someone WHO NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP in his life. I get to be a spectator while I break my back getting what others managed to do without thinking about it.

Im tired of living, the depression never left over those 10 years, medication helped temporary but didn't remove my need for companionship at the back of my head. I was born and raised so others could feel better about themselves. I have to keep working and praying while others watch me with their smug faces believing they also had to struggle to get there.

Im sorry if this sound stubborn but i know for a fact ill never be happy alone. My doctor even asked me if i looked into finding a partner... I couldn't hold my laugh, i've been trying just that for years. Im at a point where people who used to tell me to find happiness elsewhere now telling me to write what I want from a woman in personality traits on a piece of paper, hide it and pray you'll meet that person. Maybe I should sacrifice a lamb to some god, maybe that's gonna do the trick right?!

I'm very tempted to put myself in a situation where people will have to shoot me, or If I can at least have a gun with a bullet to end my suffering.",5.6970101710070455,5.757609372750647,6.415855594053878,79.18805521403824,67.09768637532133,9.233083715211805,28.73823628031743,8.964715089967882,2.1333493014418248,1542,46,303,24,23,508,211,389,0.117,0.7390000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.5222,0,1,0,2,0,1,32.0,0,2,3,6,16,21,2,1,17,1,27,11,2,4,4,59,59,21,0,12,11,0,4,1,2,6,8,1,0,6,24,13,0,4,7,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,9,7,40,15,56,36,7,46,4,2,2,1,27,22,0,10,21,208,64,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350686438532088,0.0,0.07219998073431695,0.0751234149458045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440323396230953,0.0,0.0,0.13884545111313798,0.0,0.055036211083758974,0.0,0.0,0.10171900813083344,0.0,0.15969749790886995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416865247917887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776136764437587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240936981780208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799647139319994,0.0,0.0,0.05963164672389803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114132364377162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369507169648813,0.06449881701339888,0.0,0.0,0.1650356488460627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697530964319582,0.0,0.2358479869405772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983773085386532,0.19221772356644298,0.0808766167767755,0.0,0.09265730074342383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051537706582494,0.0,0.0,0.08967225735895279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925662273566941,0.0,0.0,0.16049690948695047,0.0,0.0,0.049617655552491126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809369233763007,0.0,0.2550806784508001,0.04410814000340732,0.0,0.07972231406308228,0.0,0.07581571486618031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148472042989917,0.0,0.12053037277830995,0.0,0.1814045711002784,0.0,0.0,0.09095150384704492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388869590643676,0.20889746637785467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117868900714357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187774409514094,0.2364971868531418,0.0,0.0,0.08534744244749631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076022908246248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783816098652324,0.0,0.0,0.0969310919599796,0.0,0.07710193436198051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418576986992634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014828561594684,0.0,0.0,0.15299446546475542,0.0,0.0,0.10106540433475984,0.0,0.09623059611957574,0.0721008177169572,0.0,0.0,0.09438430694022594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782416910069424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057850260407436536,0.0,0.0,0.05264525247374114,0.1037680308843653,0.0,0.08627010981914814,0.0,0.1225936469509245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779762786839377,0.0,0.1489873012712305,0.053251767554622416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703043192295827,0.0,0.13145546984864245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441956269437955
suicidewatch,CobaltishCrusader,2019/01/26,"How do I open up to my parents? I’m extremely introverted teenager and have never opened up to anyone in real life. I’ve been struggling with depression and have been having suicidal thoughts. I really want to talk to a therapist, but I can’t bring myself to ask my parents for help. How can I open up to my parents and get the courage to ask for help?",4.178309859154929,5.22091471830986,5.570535211267606,80.4163661971831,70.83098591549296,9.060281690140846,31.10140845070423,9.3871,2.793465352112676,279,12,55,6,5,94,45,71,0.092,0.736,0.172,0.7939,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,14,15,6,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,14,12,0,9,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,1,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724890077556798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670049437655923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690622800792431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255220460273724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631349714267391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386437842125952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138914964446115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6538626758185423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234183380375093,0.1257469057989126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052024883099881,0.0,0.21470684906688411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776859159750084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790511041301476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558304821590889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577555171363373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,247vt,2019/01/26,"sick of myself I have a great life but i'm addicted to porn. I just made a record of no orgasm for a week. but now i failed.  my sex life with my wife suffers because of this. i'm so selfish, i have no will power. i think my wife and daughter would be better off with out me",-1.4799590163934442,0.46461598360656,1.1181762295081974,100.62677254098362,94.08196721311475,3.7057377049180333,15.821721311475413,5.148860815047168,-1.0073131147540981,209,5,52,1,8,71,42,61,0.307,0.604,0.09,-0.9472,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,5,7,1,1,0,10,9,4,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,10,2,9,5,0,4,0,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852494692928408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154244980499362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125465275443099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896159545601831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992224758520538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343880782139668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264393399350073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834697657504777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510395548700482,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AegisAvenger24,2019/01/26,"I feel like an asshole I’m an asshole to my parents and to my younger brother. I get mad at my parents whenever they try to help me whenever I mess up, I constantly lie, and I shut out the people closest to me whenever I’m in a bad mood. Half the time I feel that I’m going to hell no matter what and I think that committing suicide is not a way out for me, but away to take pressure off of my parents and sibling who are trying to help me. ",7.349374999999997,3.91336185416667,8.52,76.72500000000002,65.875,11.683333333333335,40.66666666666667,9.516144504307137,3.6844666666666672,342,16,77,5,4,120,58,96,0.165,0.7390000000000001,0.096,-0.7717,3,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,11,5,1,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,0,2,16,1,16,11,0,13,1,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,3,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193910676287598,0.0,0.1723274532974032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230348176475253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871448443762344,0.1474454202007597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783052201014062,0.0,0.11729648200474295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276678414062211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083197705355272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6875167036104739,0.0,0.0,0.14308519130412153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575771728867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551799764495999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224670388490845,0.0,0.0,0.1203479650014871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802512142954126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382317861499485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chris-EE,2019/01/26,If my country wasnt so anti gun I'd be dead by now. If it was as easy to get a gun like it is in the US I wouldn't be alive anymore.,-2.2740952380952386,-1.705278028571426,1.7714285714285722,103.14190476190477,86.42857142857143,4.666666666666667,17.38095238095238,3.1291,-1.1729047619047623,99,2,32,0,3,38,29,35,0.155,0.55,0.295,0.5958,0,0,0,2,0,2,2.0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,7,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5781842110974516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045960020286884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848267495567933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7012831213730075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rektary,2019/01/26,Plz help me . I'm a 27 y.o professor. I have been diagnosed of bipolar disorder sens 2011 . And it got really bad about two years ago . The disorder didn't keep me from doing all my best to my students or helping in the community/family/friends . In April 2018 i broke up with my gf that i love who is everything to me and the nicest person that i know ( 6 years together)  cuz i didn't want her to suffer with me and sens then i didn't have a reason to live especially with all the pain that the disorder causes  . I attempted suicide last week by swallowing pills  ( it wasn't a success) she received a goodbye text ( i didnt mention ending my life ) she deduced that I'm going to end my life ( she knows about my condition) she came to my place in time ( she still have the keys ) today we sat . We kinda got back togatger by me promising to change my life ............. THE PROBLEM IS I TRIED THE LITHIUM TREATMENT AND OTHER TREATMENTS.  NOTHING WORKS FOR ME . is there anything i can do to stop the pain to be normal ( I'm going to seek professional help this Monday) .  Cuz i don't wanna hurt her nor my mom/students/friends... plllz help me i can't tolerate the pain anymore ,1.7535389610389631,4.059157173160177,3.5395075757575785,86.82926136363638,81.16450216450217,6.793722943722942,24.77651515151515,7.9370924344782425,1.5612696969696969,901,35,181,17,24,301,132,231,0.16,0.723,0.117,-0.895,0,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,2,0,0,4,5,12,0,0,14,0,18,11,0,5,2,27,32,9,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,9,10,1,2,4,0,0,4,8,8,0,1,10,0,37,4,25,21,3,24,0,3,0,1,19,5,0,2,15,119,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271218508212823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149123761196284,0.0,0.0,0.09535152832402828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909724320741998,0.09674700691833864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159891513159182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325249554358582,0.0,0.11903089607013688,0.12257559893469278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176060933214572,0.0,0.0,0.3983928095410993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052536977795727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413691178071333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790424834935261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170372263814634,0.0,0.18534440804891555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106621484533371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404174024218413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299100232636288,0.0,0.0,0.12735876584217412,0.09444990235270154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455282300922367,0.0,0.0,0.10231575248869852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457762779589368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357061001942017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352846411082003,0.11118084604358497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698830654165225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117362965318492,0.12105998485969775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087239616197417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742295934763765,0.11913414675441307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253431120832352,0.09687290564300123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674349338118154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756500592225896,0.0,0.1098316621551894,0.0,0.0,0.07866844675502341,0.0,0.11318861767785515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834340840123125,0.0,0.09294430604389407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435508599058382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492335741927426
suicidewatch,polluti,2019/01/26,"advice i’ve felt suicidal for the past three years. i’ve had maybe 2 relationships throughout it, one being the one i’m in.

so, i’ve been with this person for a while and i’m 99.9% if not 100% i genuinely love them, and they say they feel the same. recently (past month and a half) they’ve been distant, ‘too busy’, and have ignored me when i talk about my feelings. it really hurts and it makes me feel that i’m more worthless than i already feel. i can’t see being without them and it hurts incredibly to know they’re starting to not care about me. i’ve told them about feeling suicidal and they offered me support before but recently they haven’t. i know its bad to dump feelings on a loved one and i dont but i dont want to overwhelm them when i’m feeling exceedingly low, which is a lot. i know this isn’t the best subreddit to ask for ‘love’ advice but it pertains to me feeling suicidal..

how do i clear things up with my partner (who i love) when they’ve ignored me when i talk about my feelings and ignores me in general without feeling so low about it? i dont know what to do but it makes me feel worse than i already do, any advice is welcomed. i know theres no black or white answer.",2.251213517665132,3.885517193548389,3.622972350230416,90.12172043010756,76.66129032258064,6.659293394777269,25.922427035330266,7.447530270364453,1.1764475422427032,936,35,204,12,21,307,114,248,0.17,0.7170000000000001,0.113,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,8,1,14,19,1,1,8,0,17,4,0,3,1,50,51,23,3,2,10,0,12,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,15,11,0,3,18,0,0,0,11,11,0,5,5,16,33,8,25,44,4,18,0,6,3,4,23,6,0,3,12,135,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579238763905393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941798214692604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983052186160119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225094251298426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346098168745444,0.0,0.0,0.07486588252582509,0.0,0.09233128716050193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970313012022707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093414269300543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4893476833894224,0.0,0.08447615713975473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883722979895892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24176200027474226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479883112619423,0.3176274055451056,0.0,0.1174568354440582,0.0,0.08838936761489755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022609349720325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885587777809658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797683234132152,0.0,0.07682216113909669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056363281725479976,0.0,0.17374248055479485,0.09445933879833668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996651934040124,0.0,0.0,0.07010996392178348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227384685065707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887128525062654,0.099840505158792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414325946097201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058451082075167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407021283677635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051893841814236064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962229329203202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896607921204173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566572817605606
suicidewatch,Devjzz,2019/01/26,What do i do What do i do... im 18.... dyeing from a heart condition.... at the hospital all the time.... ex and me have been braking up and getting back together the last 2 months (we have been together 2 years).... she now has a new bf.... help me.... what do i do.... I need her but she just doesn’t care about my health or me like she used to... what should i do?,-2.562445887445886,-0.8632131428571412,0.3982142857142872,103.63636904761907,102.50649350649351,4.644588744588745,14.208874458874455,6.42735559955562,-0.7590164502164503,256,6,70,4,12,88,51,77,0.0,0.87,0.13,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,14,2,1,1,1,11,18,4,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,14,2,5,15,1,9,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,8,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643011302269595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134923383548402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064355227049898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268326766576786,0.0,0.3643606150026565,0.20609472365969672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33212691111357906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506340295652618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502172731280746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24542445993196915,0.0,0.0,0.2279896046419693,0.0,0.2969622975751491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929176494709398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655605961092687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800450352336288
suicidewatch,Satans_Cousin,2019/01/26,"Easy Household suicide methods? I tried asking this on whisper but they're all too pussy to even reply. I dunno if this is the right place to post this but if it gets deleted i'll just copy paste somewhere else. 

What are some easy household suicide methods? I don't mind pain as long as i don't have to slowly bleed out or some dramatic movie shit like that. I also am not in posession of a gun or rope. Any pills or chemicals i can mix that'll kill me within maybe one hour? Please don't bullshit me with the ""your life is precious"" nonsense either, as you literally do not know me and are simply trying to feel virtuous about yourself. Thanks in advance.",3.3553216783216806,5.2602905461538505,3.8144755244755264,88.76416083916084,74.30769230769229,5.9580419580419575,26.433566433566433,6.574015621080383,1.0263076923076926,521,19,102,4,11,163,94,130,0.166,0.627,0.207,0.6809,0,0,2,1,1,3,12.0,0,2,0,1,5,6,2,0,3,0,12,5,1,0,1,21,17,12,3,2,11,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,0,2,11,3,15,16,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,8,4,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103579706244592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369387440663361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882540953270409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821908910767305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300321776630122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181890004406773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520769722171726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983092329155685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227864580490467,0.0,0.11066787870301356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223383424682115,0.09837938196311144,0.0,0.0,0.17820642401333714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230358374610752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332665042828305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645376144564794,0.0,0.21427225129019176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192230785703918,0.0,0.0,0.21038915745845266,0.2210441751823958,0.0,0.0,0.19285713249641495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196917961414998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670377168692108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44053296085757226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853947643800353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734345002692055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredtyler096,2019/01/26,"I'm not okay. Idk when i started to feel that way, when i started to want to die. I've been sexually abused for years now, and it doesn't seem like it will stop anytime soon. I just want to, y' know, talk to someone. I used to have friends who i was able to talk to about my whole situation, but they gotta take care of their own lives. Now i'm all alone.

It's hard, dude. It's just so many problems to face, i'm only 14. People say life gets harder when we grow up, but i'm already at my limit. If things get even worse i don't know if i will be able to handle it.

I hate this feeling. It's like i want to cry a lot but i can't, and i'm drowning. I just want this to end, i don't wanna keep feeling like that.

Life sucks, man.",-0.20145454545454555,1.1445820666666722,2.001818181818184,100.3027272727273,82.87878787878788,4.884848484848487,18.272727272727273,5.2151,-0.7910727272727276,551,12,148,2,15,186,98,165,0.229,0.674,0.097,-0.9764,0,1,0,0,1,1,25.0,1,0,2,1,12,9,2,0,1,1,10,3,1,1,1,30,36,11,2,8,9,0,4,3,1,3,2,1,0,1,12,3,0,3,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,5,17,6,18,30,4,15,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,4,14,81,29,0,0.28263966563985593,0.16744089310154056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636472696982122,0.1559499496570486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408498803305006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523320048456732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466676749429017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251674259297941,0.0,0.0,0.09334041675847622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436666097887924,0.2019178336071886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918335227767396,0.0,0.1476675597748249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659481216262355,0.139524077374322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561156066444545,0.0,0.0,0.15533136856983648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996367544893801,0.20712519592600628,0.0,0.12478800147935612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014506821845725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327612945456492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748010097511368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979733782509492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352239943483622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123832032211627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286522681975333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588494131584847,0.0,0.0,0.11973983574813372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005381007826545,0.0,0.0,0.11814970812068876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625492681038973,0.2271750570410659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388661744614207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205496157658442,0.0,0.0,0.33341639547122953,0.11217310539569007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777854652126827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401698293459078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100533898331324
suicidewatch,thr0w4w4y_mik3,2019/01/26,"This was supposed to be my weekend off... This weekend was supposed to be my weekend off. I have had ONE day off in the past THREE weeks. Instead, my work decided to schedule me for first aid training. So, I woke up at 8:30am, showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, and drove to the office. I got there at 9:25am; there were no cars in the parking lot. I hobbled over to the side entrance on my injured foot and it was locked. I walked around the building trying all the doors; I finally found one that I was unlocked. I walked to the training room, which was on the other side of the building, and no one's there. I walked back to my car and plugged my phone in; I called my supervisor once my phone had a charge. ""I'm at the office for first aid training,"" I told her ""and no one's here."" She told me the training was happening in a building behind the main building - a building no one ever even told me about. All I was told was to be ""at the office"" for training at 9:30am. So, I drove around to this back building that I never knew about, park, and run inside. My foot is killing me by this point. Then the trainer told me that I would have to come back another day because I'm 20 minutes late. I pleaded with her to let me take the course. I went to school to become an EMT and worked as a police officer; I know first aid backwards and forwards. Hell, I could probably teach the class in a pinch. She wasn't having it. So, I apologized and left.

The thing is, I'm sick and tired of this fucking gong show. My foot's injured because I have worked over 200 hours so far this month; I have had no time to rest it because I'm working so much. Meanwhile, my supervisor is working a nice, cushy 9-to-5 job. She gets every weekend off and complains when she has to do any actual work. I hate my job and just want to quit, but I can't because I took this job out of desperation. I was unemployed for almost a year and this was the first job I was offered.

I just want to die. I hate my job. My finances are fucked. I failed at life anyway. I'm 27 years old and still live with my mom. I dropped out of college in 2011 and have no hope of going back at this point. I don't have a girlfriend or even any friends. What's the point of me staying alive?",2.7075490196078427,4.05296506535948,3.4705174291939014,92.88982843137256,74.8169934640523,6.1457516339869285,26.03976034858388,6.42735559955562,0.7435538126361649,1731,61,385,12,36,548,201,459,0.118,0.843,0.039,-0.9867,8,0,0,0,0,1,72.0,0,0,0,12,26,11,6,0,28,0,37,11,4,0,4,41,68,25,2,5,4,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,3,0,19,22,0,0,4,5,1,13,10,8,0,10,29,1,61,3,60,33,6,80,1,1,0,2,20,36,3,4,31,268,80,18,0.0,0.0,0.07421874362462301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761581319747621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344006442264006,0.0797503361333782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541021248425114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392651095868286,0.0,0.18544977501234255,0.0839968114227151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766069475782975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551467875200727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072375723095984,0.0,0.0,0.0980984121054324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893311935785445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046726737540412,0.06879613388663372,0.06407964767644986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833145739026822,0.0,0.25876949753949763,0.0,0.08339042087603643,0.05875993180214659,0.14062330966026107,0.03973561701829334,0.0,0.043223829391230116,0.0,0.060828159687906135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725521675998178,0.0,0.0,0.1501772037631238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553981108346161,0.07489888989508234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773644364872225,0.0,0.08414362834349375,0.0,0.04179785852647817,0.0,0.08579339282295069,0.0,0.08263401865754387,0.0777714267347157,0.05371992082256556,0.0,0.0,0.06715798978222531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064659271469579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907473843027756,0.06070640376749877,0.0,0.055909202132742315,0.0,0.05865833205926853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798069659741677,0.08099613069137865,0.2576843020374839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260313723775491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156897752601343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820001918423559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089389210526833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697175635970656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106454845028936,0.06073764963337658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718392156655981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052758614920835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434830284676117,0.08741407521537277,0.0,0.3633692286679847,0.08449994292212973,0.05163637675382357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897184609691321,0.0,0.061006761948032666,0.0,0.0,0.070503779916313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33221383014273104,0.0,0.0,0.05402731512812599,0.0,0.0,0.09795389866196992
suicidewatch,BlawkGame,2019/01/26,"I was supposed to be dead by now It's been about 4 hours since I downed 80mg of aderall at once. I expected that 4x my normal dosage would be enough. As you can see though, im still breathing.

Im so fucking lost. I wouldve finally been free.",-0.30616352201257513,1.7065225660377372,1.6587735849056635,98.90312893081764,87.49056603773585,5.0427672955974865,20.154088050314463,6.42735559955562,-0.0376893081761005,188,6,46,2,6,62,44,53,0.142,0.7929999999999999,0.065,-0.5956,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,0,3,10,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,6,2,7,3,1,6,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626877659598374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784967673319637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350317316490747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503655451313733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5492245037782983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277522305003135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490916266775897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27074687545416354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258856131100195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103018560627103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302857334414384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977988958729466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805978462829777,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mystwave,2019/01/26,"I'm tired So my dad and siblings have become aware of my desire of not wanting to live in this world anymore. I was drunk, made a post on social media, and an overreaction by one of them spread to the others. I'm just making a point that I just can't give any guarantees anymore once we enter the second half of this year. I'll no longer have anything that I've personally been holding onto in life soon. 

Now, they just want to spend more time with me which is really just cutting into my free time I like to enjoy. Why they think spending more time with me is going to fix my outlook on the pointlessness of my life is beyond me. I just want to be left alone and never have to worry or stress about anything. I'm just so tired. I just don't care about this life and this world. Just let me fade away.",3.9907557502738236,4.553690277108436,4.725575027382259,88.06110076670319,70.92771084337348,7.241182913472071,23.52464403066813,6.980632752743323,0.6458506024096384,630,14,136,5,11,203,100,166,0.122,0.782,0.096,-0.5574,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,3,0,15,6,1,1,6,0,12,6,0,2,1,27,24,7,0,4,10,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,8,1,1,1,1,3,2,5,2,0,3,3,0,18,5,25,19,2,23,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,9,94,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737993271387615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333486022833936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013977845766194,0.0,0.0,0.2500926389594339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276706921868493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782276415699302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492862379606412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576943420385433,0.08635973679263788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509995069597708,0.15538465789337658,0.32199170837691105,0.0742377166799769,0.0,0.13417937287834056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378384223883345,0.10143138732393787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171973466645551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182750640665738,0.10296888921214756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326815651401218,0.0,0.0,0.14364693798669392,0.0,0.14553123709752575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734649904250586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489936031116608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406435932102526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736686338753796,0.0,0.0,0.2658191892056345,0.3493006813090516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688816371846096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711608343513415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431805112338826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785427419784312
suicidewatch,massiveattackfan,2019/01/26,"Would suicide by freezing to death be a bad way to go? With wind chills and temperatures far below zero, its a good time to outside and get hypothermia. No need to tie a noose or buy a gun, just go outside and lay in the cold for a while. How painful would it be? Not implying that I'm actually going to do this, but I would wanna know. ",3.0642857142857127,3.9252654285714286,4.704285714285717,86.2707142857143,73.28571428571428,7.885714285714287,26.857142857142854,8.238735603445708,1.5296571428571428,260,9,58,4,5,88,54,70,0.2,0.772,0.027000000000000003,-0.8523,0,0,0,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,1,0,15,13,7,2,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,11,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,39,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2587365983708069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137928949909894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852374588118865,0.0,0.4520523808033053,0.22238530994394845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571299925289086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965965867325795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821256967972655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900181143282602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546041937886232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104543309340372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5650396268923622,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anto482c,2019/01/26,Want to end it Just got kicked out of school for drugs. Probably would spend the rest of my life working at a grocery store. My parents always thought I was the golden child and now that facade has all come crumbling down. Now I’m the big family disappointment. Just trying to figure out the easiest way to kill myself ,4.359344262295083,6.353714114754107,4.6434098360655724,83.50118032786884,71.78688524590163,7.50295081967213,25.31475409836065,8.238735603445708,1.6151678688524598,255,8,47,4,5,80,50,61,0.121,0.8170000000000001,0.062,-0.7096,1,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,8,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,10,4,2,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,31,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22783095408019274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23586213808509696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317531416202995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425134304799674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581226794404109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899000457712955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029289995064829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339933621492764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040324002435744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952123240127101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710924289023264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173736960714179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858982819747288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614995939305851,0.21733677428469347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933615329043847,0.0,0.0,0.19450599932502413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pzksk9,2019/01/26,"Who else here just misses the wonderful past? I was alive at 1-13 years old, but now i'm 16 and been feeling dead for 3 years. And over those 3 years i finally found 1 possible solution called ""psychedelics""
If i get caught ordering them online i will kill myself then, since i'm still going to prison for ordering LSD/Shrooms. I honestly don't mind! Either death or illegal medication. I don't understand why the government doesn't let people feel alive, while religion and alcohol rules America.

The past is like a natural high, were you can't feel bad at all. Now that the past is dead i am dead as well.

I really miss the past, and i believe once i die i will re-live this life all the time, until earth dies. ",4.27781690140845,5.345136922535211,5.238140845070426,82.79946478873241,70.61971830985915,10.187042253521126,27.580281690140843,10.355215969177356,2.7206484507042257,561,19,117,16,10,184,99,142,0.247,0.561,0.191,-0.95,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,1,0,6,7,1,0,7,0,13,3,0,0,2,18,26,11,7,1,5,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,6,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,5,3,14,3,8,18,3,24,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,3,17,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528750664285023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194393065337687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116638259795446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606824833631318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969229805701813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949845023412935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698846708214936,0.0,0.0,0.15670235643396896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568450133413532,0.0,0.0,0.07473680209176256,0.0,0.08129761219948517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113832105124148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826168487318015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627651876125575,0.10103920341926216,0.06988614515715529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410605388540826,0.0,0.0,0.14443794545769018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010506616292071,0.1523417086210908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.546222931077789,0.0991716392113214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161265398911928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164036647237518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833098359875205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423851045470555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341257998933413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891826428154412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861754852277316,0.0,0.1290787882342421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512971589069433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763551325393754
suicidewatch,0583029728282,2019/01/26,"Being a man without confidence in this society is a death sentence Ok, so you are a man without confidence. 


Want to find a girlfriend? Impossible. Girls are attracted to confidence, and confidence only. (98,7% of them). That's why you'll see so many jerks in relationships-and when you complain about it you will get shamed for it and called entitled


Want to find a decent job? Impossible. Confidence is almost as important as experience when finding a job-someting you will never get

Want to have friends? Impossible. Everyone will avoid you, think you are weird and talk shit about you behind your back.

Having no confidence as a woman is not nearly as bad as having no confidence as a man.",4.214732307692309,7.134579704000004,5.246400000000001,74.57458461538464,75.96,9.286153846153846,29.615384615384606,9.661875296680813,3.577732307692308,553,25,91,17,13,181,71,125,0.29600000000000004,0.5770000000000001,0.127,-0.9703,2,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,9,1,0,7,10,2,2,8,1,14,1,1,0,1,16,21,13,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,1,10,3,20,16,0,7,0,0,1,0,20,3,1,1,4,67,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996965046770813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819821771073632,0.15006372188010875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835203638565828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173591677844507,0.0,0.1758065370219441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927989864934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885587938846924,0.0,0.1877988579938067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567006909048401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221397800823788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861578854407414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668973910698126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321837096794104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448617967566003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445696922887566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151611783938842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180211943709349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217478098575805,0.0,0.0,0.3464989448893895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vex-milk,2019/01/26,"will they check my phone if i kill myself? i’m only worried about people i talk to online getting in trouble or something, even though they don’t push me to kill myself. i’ve told my friend multiple times that i want to kill myself and even tried, but they talked me out of it.

the last thing i told my friend was “when i kill myself...” and they just told me to stop. will they get in trouble? they live in a different state though. ",2.8393506493506493,4.296002545454545,3.2583116883116894,94.09318181818183,74.68181818181819,5.9376623376623385,20.525974025974023,6.18269132825596,-0.051352597402597684,336,7,74,2,7,104,54,88,0.251,0.675,0.075,-0.9566,1,0,1,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,6,0,8,8,4,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,11,8,4,2,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,4,0,21,2,10,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,2,4,51,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243097285476284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272675571158948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22543881839139976,0.0,0.1524499820527361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6456522180044242,0.0,0.0,0.11892526269803462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882943697948168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096099569646846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011463843431745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231838828467212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197615312395632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345324418006952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692726802340383,0.0,0.28668548486699924,0.0,0.08507352446478292,0.0,0.0,0.4182315756927694,0.0,0.09905426541841107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605363896983442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816515545964484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_qlysine,2019/01/26,"On hold for help too long I've been on hold with the national suicide prevention line for a long time. It hung up on me suddenly after waiting 10 min before, and now it's been 10 again. Our friend needs someone NOW. She has been talking about killing herself for two days, and now is going crazy because her girlfriend is trying to break up with her and just kick her out today (she is disabled and can't get around easily) and she is trying to isolate herself in a room. The police said they won't do anything until something happens. I can't seem to get through to someone on this number. What else can we do? In Oakland, CA.",4.166044444444445,5.353121800000004,4.64746666666667,86.48017777777778,71.0,6.835555555555558,29.88888888888889,6.937597516519254,1.6041022222222232,495,20,97,4,9,157,83,125,0.1,0.8440000000000001,0.056,-0.7798,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,2,0,1,0,8,2,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,0,17,22,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,1,13,1,23,17,0,27,0,0,0,0,16,12,0,1,13,70,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194288329530152,0.18600421473536327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737015599186227,0.0,0.17779572134847724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475141775277244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454567195556756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142940435948194,0.0,0.21832894594630065,0.0,0.11874753456584584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476824680785425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005057515769018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311652751720791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698172447753186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492912527350813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875333100757847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021452072479425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540746818940816,0.16085508830100692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285505232472257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794105226868694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218367668807444,0.0,0.19805422104933176,0.0,0.0,0.2837181489835229,0.0,0.204107659539586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,opressedbutter,2019/01/26,It’s been a while... Imma be straight up I’m not really what I’d call suicidal right now but I still have the urge to cut everyday and it’s getting progress hard not to. Has anyone experienced withdrawals and how do you deal with it?,0.15169642857142662,2.5463100625000017,2.0801190476190503,92.3625,94.20833333333334,6.076190476190478,21.44047619047619,7.447530270364453,1.0504726190476197,185,7,40,4,7,61,40,48,0.142,0.753,0.105,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,4,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27127296356301434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961539114647995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999731322069092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269481435043574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475389176628884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24853922765276185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33131854280992223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309827996652255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243688868509952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aphantasiac_,2019/01/26,I'm going to do it tonight. Can someone tell me how many dolipranes 500 can kill me? I don't have dolipranes 1000 at home. ,0.2941025641025625,2.495498153846153,0.4976923076923079,106.93064102564104,86.69230769230771,3.466666666666667,24.051282051282055,3.1291,-0.4490102564102565,96,4,24,0,3,28,21,26,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525775281005535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457954975126462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916915033151458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505781916326577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765606934188896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38844789825752346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrownawaytodayyy,2019/01/26,"Venting about first therapy attempt I’ve always been against therapy. I share my feelings with my mom, which I always thought was  
better than therapy. Picture the most amazing person in the entire world, and then double it. That’s my mom, she is an angel on earth. But I’ve been suicidal for 6+ years and things have been really bad for me lately, so I finally agreed to give therapy a shot. After a lot of research we found a “good” therapist. 

She spent 2/3 of the time talking about her kids future plans, and how she curses god for giving her a quirky but genius son with Aspergers. Her kid is 13, and she’s still saying this shit. My brother has severe autism and I love him to death, so this therapist disgusted me. She talks about how she pushes her 17 year old daughter to sneak alcohol because she feels her daughter is too perfect. What the fuck? That’s a crime, and it’s way to easy to get addicted, as I was briefly addicted in the past. I’ve been clean for a long time but tbh I was much happier when I had an outlet that was able to shut down my mind, make me laugh, and give me peaceful sleep (alcohol, weed). 

My therapist asked if I’d considered suicide and how I’d do it. I told her I wanted to buy a shotgun and go somewhere secluded and shoot myself, so my family wouldn’t have to clean it (I’m divorced and living with my parents). Instantly she started talking about putting me in inpatient care, which is useless and expensive.  So I just spent the rest of the time convincing her that I wasn’t as suicidal  as I was letting on, so that I wouldn’t get stuck in a hospital against my will. These aren’t urges I’m having, this is a constant want to kill myself, so being held in a hospital wouldn’t save me from anything. 

I asked her what makes her want to live rather than just feeling like you have to. Guys I’ve always wanted to hear a therapists answer to this question. I thought it would be something a little more profound, meaningful, or inspirational. Nope. She didn’t have an answer. I shit you not she just looked up at the lights for 20 seconds and then changed the subject. 

I know people say things like “2/10 therapists are good.” But this shit is expensive, and I came out of there feeling awful. It took all I had to go confess my feelings to a total stranger, am I supposed to try this with 9 more strangers?

It’s just too much. I had the most perfect life I ever could’ve asked for, and I fucked it up because it still wasn’t enough to make me happy. I drove the love of my life away with my depression, and now my kid is gone most days as well. I just don’t have the energy to keep trying. I want to feel peace, for once in my life. I keep asking God for a sign that I should keep trying, and I’ve gotten nothing in return. I might go to work today, or I might go to cabelas and finally get that shotgun.",3.8668510148388218,4.950227459790213,4.724751833532324,86.03709960770937,71.60489510489509,8.028040252430497,27.93723349820911,8.407314429234152,1.83162991642504,2225,80,459,35,41,721,261,572,0.13699999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.177,0.9348,2,0,3,3,1,2,67.0,1,2,0,7,29,28,7,0,29,1,45,15,4,6,5,90,100,41,5,12,14,7,6,2,0,8,7,3,2,5,29,26,2,4,16,0,5,10,10,10,1,2,28,11,76,18,68,61,13,55,2,2,1,4,55,18,5,10,28,315,105,2,0.06260570245488631,0.0,0.0,0.13649891324916807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381291262874848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156278879042169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151915876881258,0.0,0.2341115225868349,0.0,0.05882011831006779,0.0,0.05227314650789152,0.07632771026275431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536965622290122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160424525895369,0.06383068610410195,0.0,0.0662285319773671,0.0,0.0,0.06765452327046978,0.0,0.04998555913785347,0.0,0.0,0.040375498842861235,0.0,0.05392219978735912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468842619505741,0.0,0.0,0.056630442114552586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059019084509634334,0.0,0.18993194551244505,0.04472552634298162,0.0,0.1371629737935357,0.0,0.05325237852598837,0.0,0.06864392133009195,0.0,0.11575592620938607,0.0981266867328,0.18017128346444036,0.1423210538163645,0.10502138582344847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198948828485599,0.0,0.06664493441153325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056117671051823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694047470051732,0.06926393395981878,0.0,0.03440645678864036,0.0,0.07062195928156847,0.0,0.0,0.06401857242623593,0.1326607773434071,0.06117196776655603,0.06274736096796435,0.1105639645146088,0.05540407658600981,0.05257302241302986,0.0,0.0,0.053225129426038235,0.1130081815107045,0.0,0.12536937758964994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282951361502607,0.06321391259981933,0.1466460841202823,0.0,0.0,0.09204478961758143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007185999059585,0.0,0.06569415331369742,0.0666730298853614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695162236907776,0.0,0.05976422697608043,0.043402911289136654,0.05466488456909165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629360227782077,0.07013271473756942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04010681610323133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957313480205288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707266237693012,0.19279156170546632,0.0,0.0,0.06265091554447125,0.0,0.0,0.04819692838765717,0.0,0.0,0.044312638427350656,0.0,0.0999939897031098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054414315068793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096027651413174,0.0,0.0,0.28638030759293337,0.3634502294210908,0.08318489371295175,0.0,0.0,0.0994038692487095,0.10951766568950047,0.0,0.059342885634585875,0.05982243160408157,0.06955723898991345,0.12751548726188391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846323268285545,0.049693492553105297,0.0,0.0,0.05629004514954988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557769701747478,0.0,0.0,0.04447329477859616,0.0,0.0,0.08063203954472778
suicidewatch,PerkeleKunOnKaikki,2019/01/26,"If I can't fix these problems, then I probblably have to shoot myself. So at the time I am serving in the military. The 2 main problems I have is that I am inferior and I have no social life. Every time we are told to do something, everyone else does it better and I always feel like shit. It's so tiring to see people do things successfully without any effort and I'm just too fucking retarded to do the most basic tasks. How the fuck do I fix this? Can this even be fixed? If i'm stuck like this for the rest of my life, than I don't really see any point in living my life as a parasitic burden. 

Then there is my social life: I have become the master of small talk. I can easily talk to people for 10 seconds which is an improvement over my never make any talk attitude. The problem is that I can only hold a conversation for 10 seconds. After that I don't know what to say and I always fear and feel that i'll say something stupid which I often do. I desperately want to have a deeper connection with someone, but when the conversations last for 10 seconds, I don't see how that can happen. How the fuck do I get over this obstacle? Certainly there is something that I can do, but considering how shitty I am at everything, maybe I truly am stuck like this for the rest of my life and if that's the case, well then I hope it is a short live.",4.621860267572735,4.73529471119134,5.9726481206200885,81.26325759184543,69.3971119133574,9.116925037162881,27.12444255680612,9.007467420416297,1.9025533658950944,1053,30,221,18,17,357,133,277,0.142,0.747,0.111,-0.8702,0,0,3,1,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,4,14,19,5,1,17,0,33,10,1,5,2,33,52,22,0,8,7,0,2,3,0,0,6,2,0,0,20,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,11,1,3,3,7,29,8,26,48,4,18,0,1,3,3,11,9,4,6,12,162,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753791130349726,0.0,0.0,0.21499818889293384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639050709841085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093205312742263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922239590512278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803644223543912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960642909269217,0.0,0.08879221200690217,0.1007007958332761,0.0947141006661803,0.0,0.0,0.1185884979610016,0.1065726102757342,0.07528774702118779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922828505747628,0.055059811632048636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931924516076445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467203182125336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791736456568434,0.08590361867252402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37218608182393664,0.15445876249769694,0.0,0.18611545733864085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703459430288291,0.0,0.10587435622770912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128014502320675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801507673439895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461227031767441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962379084499552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30252037759575795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751294107641538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761428195601255,0.0,0.0,0.2519368843447521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817716795693304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148554182908187,0.08929317733966738,0.2433937696219632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541157150681133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001374545956432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229027952337856,0.12112565190902573,0.0,0.1007007958332761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062159366477227675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475462952702793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015882995249234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pol-der,2019/01/26,"How Can I Have a Heart Attack? Hi there,

​

Title says.

​

Thank you.",2.1080000000000005,4.545074466666667,1.3066666666666684,94.60000000000002,104.33333333333334,2.0,18.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.7076666666666658,67,2,11,0,3,19,14,15,0.187,0.6629999999999999,0.151,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764498134486074,0.5343229318031056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501295128436235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605424737701902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748464056528337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024232322636428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343229318031056,0.0
suicidewatch,Secret-Profile,2019/01/26,"I am trying my best, but I don't know how long I can do it... I keep going back and forth with everything.  I've slipped so far into the dark that I can't see anything else.  I used to believe in love.  I used to have it, I used to have someone who I felt completely myself with, someone I felt like I could rely on wholeheartedly.  

​

I'm far from perfect, I know that, but I was not horrible.  I should have showed her more affection but the combination of just time, comfortability, confidence in the relationship, and my own depression just made me become complacent in the marriage.  Like I didn't' feel the need to prove my love for her anymore.  I thought we were beyond that because of how long we were together.  And my depression kept me from being intimate at the end.  I was begging to try again, though.  I sort of caught myself and saw that I was so down and that it was affecting us.  I didn't want that.  I wanted more for us.  I started to work out and eat better.  I tried to do this grand romantic gesture of leaving her notes for her to find, which she never found.  There were some just sappy ""I love you"" stuff, some really naughty descriptive letters and poems, and a letter talking about kid names for our next kid.  I was sooooooo into the idea of having another kid.  My first kid is the best thing I ever did, and I wanted another one, and she was talking about another kid too so I was super thrilled.  I wanted to be a stay at home dad or work nights he way I have been...  we were going to work it out after we started to talk about it...

​

But she never found the letters.  She ended things.  I tried.  I fought, I know it was too late but I fucking fought.  I told her I wanted to try to make it work three or four separate times, practically every week after the breakup.  She doesn't love me anymore.  I lost my job before all of this.  Then I lost my first love, my wife, my best friend.  For a long time I was raging about that, but there was something else I didn't realize for a while until about two weeks or so when I found the list of names for the new kid.  I realized that I was mourning the loss of this kid that never happened.  I felt so pathetic for that one.  There are people who have lost real kids and here I am crying every night for a kid that I never met and never will.  I can't help it.  I mourn for the loss of my family, because this is that.  My family doesn't exist anymore.  We will never be us after this.  Now it's her and my kid, who I will see whenever it's convenient for everyone.  And I'll never get to meet Lincoln/Gwen.  My heart isn't even broken.  It's been obliterated.  I have never felt more lost or alone in my entire life.  I feel like I'm going through this by myself.  I can't tell her I wanted another kid.  It would change nothing, and nothing will come of it...

​

I see my wife and it tears me up inside.  I want her, and its selfish but I fucking love her.  I see her and those feelings are still there but not reciprocated.  It's like being punched in the gut by a body builder...  That is not going to go away.  I'm always going to love her, and I'm always going to have to see her.  I try.  I try so hard not to feel this way.  I try not to feel jealous when she stays out all night.  I try not to think about someone else touching her.  I try so hard to stay around.  I think about my kid.  She is so young, she can either forget me easily or hasn't formed enough memories to miss me if I just end it now.  But I don't.  I don't because for now they still need me.  And that scares me.    Right now I feel like they still need me, but eventually when I'm on my own, truly on my own away from them there will be absolutely nothing to stop me.  I can just end it finally.  I feel a sense of relief about it.  I don't know how long I can go on living with this feeling of failure or with the sense of loss in the kid that could have been.  That's the worse one.  I can see their face sometimes and it breaks my heart.  

​

Today is not a good day.  I am flooded with remorse and a feeling of emptiness.  I try to fill it with busy bullshit but it isn't working.  I just want it all to stop.  I just want to have my own space so I can finally end everything.  I see no reason why I should be here anymore.  I have nothing left.",1.2394682887181787,3.1927050394588505,2.972915366665795,92.11853563094836,80.9052987598647,5.974510369418738,21.136952360976373,7.073560746590762,0.4417027188589704,3298,96,734,41,86,1093,302,887,0.121,0.725,0.154,0.9929,2,1,1,0,0,0,130.0,9,1,4,20,53,44,6,1,27,0,79,16,5,11,14,153,166,59,2,18,33,3,16,5,1,8,1,0,1,13,55,40,1,4,29,1,0,11,31,20,0,8,42,24,148,24,100,108,18,103,0,12,8,9,80,28,2,10,63,536,203,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040833435017036686,0.0,0.0,0.06561116347152257,0.1708721732383154,0.19162757123865076,0.0,0.1653663510373307,0.0,0.0,0.15639995059806114,0.0,0.0,0.032444230166737316,0.0350974895802638,0.0,0.0,0.07408403019351334,0.03031615241677109,0.0,0.07210115204842801,0.043542908021461116,0.03354861332750906,0.04441958925488099,0.12412543123005453,0.03486908392293865,0.0,0.04379338654371218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04170746934593912,0.03396199906444038,0.04133740003312565,0.0,0.0,0.06295688922092063,0.0,0.04330759832442538,0.025426501691010017,0.0,0.0679150942214888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04034263011709782,0.0988060659505471,0.0,0.17459862286382136,0.04073758653580622,0.0,0.02604049432590566,0.03566306481543091,0.06643619341171175,0.037673222670546666,0.07086707458290997,0.0,0.07433462843030154,0.0,0.17941468485173426,0.05633186976176295,0.15142053152437826,0.08637848906037561,0.0360346402745385,0.0670714533044464,0.0,0.12968568798889826,0.0304604218002052,0.07289738425183029,0.02059845234239041,0.0,0.17925358790547516,0.033068649561765924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034864272437743635,0.0,0.07063588533871698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343997511880923,0.026426409795608025,0.0,0.039547482213775485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044507143362528916,0.0,0.0,0.03912421119378367,0.03504363111228137,0.0,0.0,0.08666997132323541,0.0,0.04447423359606942,0.041746430371748536,0.04283645310941053,0.0,0.027847742452097184,0.09630773528719842,0.0,0.03481387117514869,0.1395630406931409,0.0,0.0,0.1721525001268638,0.0,0.2490844646432841,0.03730582468371838,0.02631715423661962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770161527311666,0.24326203000209004,0.038077866479125436,0.041929987266761365,0.11099586147933004,0.0,0.15132120156113574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014821281055155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027333017025574526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487540766489647,0.02525729852747429,0.04053648374552606,0.0,0.04232875811521259,0.0,0.033669579737848634,0.0,0.0,0.039472293555280896,0.0,0.21992186473515715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002165392549846,0.030352053009171168,0.0389933118799688,0.0,0.055811836791973685,0.12606857750380054,0.09445693878008256,0.06592378544624003,0.0,0.0,0.0451333255594402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950673511428472,0.03446005272155556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052385751291660516,0.0505251644271058,0.03873583465064098,0.031299831853249464,0.06896883485420778,0.0,0.03737122822456461,0.037673222670546666,0.0,0.2944442487777273,0.0,0.038513463063913504,0.0,0.14227383345068476,0.1021541893028366,0.0,0.0,0.20929023166911312,0.06258903090467348,0.06325030151018306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03557582333522929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351295011827025,0.0,0.0401784517059348,0.028007091857707115,0.0,0.19162757123865076,0.0
suicidewatch,latenightpeachpie,2019/01/26,"Suicidal thoughts I'm having suicidal thoughts and this is the first time in my entire life it's happening.  
I know that I won't kill myself but during the last few hours I've thought about it vividly and I felt a sense of relief from it.  
I've been through a lot lately. Actually, everything started years ago, in 2013.  
I feel so tired and helpless. I have friends who care about me but I don't want to scare them right now so I prefer to talk with strangers on this platform. I'm scared and I don't know what my next step should be in order to feel better.  
Even talking with someone would make me feel a little better, I hope.  
Thank you ",1.830307692307695,4.036198030769235,2.6515384615384607,93.86346153846156,80.23076923076924,5.538461538461538,23.07692307692308,6.67199483983844,0.5206923076923076,504,17,108,5,13,158,88,130,0.13699999999999998,0.644,0.22,0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,1,3,6,11,1,2,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,24,28,8,3,5,2,0,4,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,5,5,16,7,14,19,2,19,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,2,10,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.14486212086050831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158863888522954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625772795485771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513508395416226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804734436539526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341391255553806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517664436662654,0.0,0.14253167405881764,0.0,0.0,0.12626829961300806,0.0,0.0,0.11468920015042927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127052363025835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744061551753282,0.14618964846906535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423377523589544,0.0,0.16316434738365224,0.12100350200413935,0.16745382949366086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485197246364672,0.0,0.14878213506955154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620368846113228,0.0,0.0,0.09908902080972012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787426495552168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267722815811088,0.0,0.0,0.29724117450846416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577802111417088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050710158018009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247521950439107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23863093633456495,0.0,0.13666935741848066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535492092300502,0.08656019885540839,0.17061712055925707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755744102907015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545195285767156,0.0,0.0,0.09559451436214167
suicidewatch,tomatoina,2019/01/26,Just feeling a bit sad Title says it all. Several things happened recently that made me lose hope in my future. I've been feeling defeated for some months now and I'm trying hard to not become bitter but my negativity is having an effect on my surroundings. I found a website just now which appearantly sells pills and powders to commit suicide. I'm looking into the substances and how to verify the quality. My parents and brother see what I'm going through and are worried. They don't know how to help me. They're wonderful people but I hope they can respect my decision. I feel like calling my mother now to tell her I love her.,3.2268579234972674,5.724090237704921,4.8176229508196755,78.63058743169401,76.95081967213116,7.3453551912568305,29.019125683060107,8.344100000000001,2.5242109289617485,507,23,87,10,12,170,87,122,0.14,0.625,0.235,0.9315,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,3,7,9,1,0,5,0,6,2,0,4,2,28,24,9,1,2,5,3,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,8,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,3,8,16,5,10,21,3,12,0,3,2,1,12,4,0,5,7,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537882427015056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302076413330186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898865196334444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208173428600136,0.1328502585875511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389615158989072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056856696160702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444430580449168,0.0,0.16658413208181572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464544101712585,0.0,0.0,0.3694015837776227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219905846160146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085093458460283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616003194104675,0.2080422956474935,0.0,0.0,0.16783666245843842,0.17596037472265608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843194188281164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648719083881853,0.0,0.0,0.1289216351306096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361361491161315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478832982912633,0.0,0.0,0.14818648698803996,0.0,0.0,0.21008249706714832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341066598812216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625377227619305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235439305464736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262550109658439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016662907765276,0.0,0.18885197167729892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aphyrodite,2019/01/26,"Anyone here thinks 2019 is the end I’ve been consuming enough antidepressants and consulted doctors to know after 5 years, things does not heal. I’ve been holding myself back for years. I don’t think I’m going to make it past 2019. I have chosen my endgame ",4.319400000000002,6.1747967400000014,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,71.6,7.4,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.3163999999999991,207,6,40,3,4,64,41,50,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,7,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,4,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,21,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160933712690203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376386419972404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632346577100545,0.2704497670977601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27372457468576084,0.31932893757515746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563895731795115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984456012135232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629177172768368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29502104515151273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531759152372825,0.3960506365082958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39803323464226303
suicidewatch,pavlerockyofficial,2019/01/26,"Today I see 4 suicide. One word Sorry. For people who died on that horrible way.

Group of teenagers, was in some park, I see that from window.

One teenager have knife and magnum 357.
One I think oldest slaughter 3 teenagers than shoot himself in head.

It's horrible view I can still see blood, and that remember is awwwwwhh.

Before I wanted to suicide, many problems but I save myself

I am really sorry, for that teenagers and there family, I know one of them, but when you have problems with drugs and money.

They do that,
Bye. GOODBYE. ",2.0407539984767697,4.841797782178219,2.628118811881187,90.05814166031988,86.02970297029701,5.087890327494288,22.62071591774562,6.67199483983844,0.8152035034272656,420,15,77,5,13,130,71,101,0.212,0.747,0.041,-0.9207,0,0,1,1,0,2,18.0,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,0,16,13,7,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,4,13,1,11,12,1,8,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,1,5,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796679497904685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827279073693974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802764924558815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284849988237226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663995193578444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910635178613897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438164823089071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394733869453558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112405503002834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102867610392473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038692268335062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836698138812502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876070123817112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629985887799307,0.0,0.0,0.12948295835458734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547035096688386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389095569683728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368708483536295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563270735224516,0.1286969436033538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmilingCubchoo,2019/01/26,Did I stop being depressed or did I just get used to it? Í am so confused...,-1.6647058823529406,0.08726047058823383,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,91.35294117647058,3.4000000000000004,20.264705882352946,3.1291,-0.6208588235294119,56,2,14,0,2,20,15,17,0.314,0.6859999999999999,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491762101379536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331271235584024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330740546607172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5506939821859341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Angel_Ghost,2019/01/26,"Scars that will never heal. The only way I can ever be happy again is to permanently forget you, every last trace of a memory of you, and what you fucking did to me. And that's too much to ask the universe, and no prayer has ever been answered. I don't kill myself because I believe even in the after life, I will still have to live with these memories that will never go away or be answered. No matter how much good I do, I will be ignored by this heartless and unsympathetic universe. I ask, ""How do I do it?"" for over 5 years, and I only get silence. A void of silence. A nothing. Emptiness. I was only given one shot, I completely blew it, and never a second one on the same person in her youth the way she was. There's no one who can or has made me forget that, and I can never be happy again unless I do. I wish I was dead and forgot it all.

I just want to forget... forget... it all...",1.5873040540540548,3.157372470270275,3.908564189189189,87.63419763513514,78.35135135135134,5.706081081081082,20.75168918918919,6.322622252153567,0.2454391891891889,677,17,143,5,16,235,100,185,0.108,0.7759999999999999,0.115,0.3278,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,3,0,0,11,7,3,0,9,0,25,3,0,3,8,36,35,13,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,12,9,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,4,8,0,24,3,18,19,5,21,0,0,0,1,9,5,1,2,13,125,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638115412502231,0.0,0.13256439406688186,0.0,0.0,0.08601084928252065,0.0,0.0,0.15896694385799373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793653567112258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319261769368517,0.25525893045918424,0.11887951695836425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044103495938947,0.07371686843579997,0.0,0.08018814312252573,0.1183446818515386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003987615706585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610188656319476,0.0,0.0,0.11501212169341316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966032071014616,0.0,0.0,0.12459040701217568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350850463843866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744367936063474,0.0,0.4352879226801333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538547607376827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868310279292703,0.32192973765385074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319963828425905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267949671102505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322211255055062,0.22399097175028848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225350704175806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908612373769584
suicidewatch,LeadChops,2019/01/26,"Life is Pretty (Terrible) I’ve been told all my life that life is all about peaks and valleys, and that everyone has their moments of darkness. I doubt that. It feels like the longer I try to stay around, the more I fuck up my life. I went from college student with prospects to a broke low-life dropout who can’t even feed himself. People tell me I should love myself more, but why? I know I’m a selfish, unskilled lazy asshole who has yet to amount to anything, who would love that? I hate myself more than anything else, but yet I’m still not responsible enough to end the life I’ve created. What’s the point of me sticking around if I have nothing left to live for? 
",3.149416553595657,4.850998582089557,3.250461329715062,93.4555291723202,74.3731343283582,6.066757123473543,26.360922659430127,6.574015621080383,0.8209044776119403,526,19,113,4,11,160,87,134,0.161,0.7240000000000001,0.115,-0.767,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,2,1,6,0,9,9,0,0,2,16,19,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,1,16,3,16,14,7,12,0,1,0,3,9,5,1,2,6,72,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601468141162569,0.2814213821952533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204239572695067,0.0,0.1399980065906328,0.16332262004078013,0.0,0.10439994418240302,0.0,0.0,0.15103716138228584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799220324127197,0.11292112939975672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461278490278733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605571943900426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686797622957139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717372664905833,0.0,0.5582272596708411,0.07722220678671755,0.0,0.13957362567588222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853183077096181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166690769077104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958184649236327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942180397742702,0.0,0.0,0.1608081639800928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847545582699536,0.12623031156607806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815511854834744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103716138228584,0.0,0.10731524787545818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652714023579558,0.14262839729375204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228430574558093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canidieyetplease,2019/01/26,My fault Why is it my fault that I want to kill myself? Why am I the one responsible? Why do I have to be obligated to stay alive? If I want to die why can’t I just make that choice?,-2.4542857142857137,-0.7080478571428549,0.9066666666666664,101.03000000000004,99.0,4.704761904761905,11.761904761904766,6.42735559955562,-1.2019809523809522,138,2,39,2,6,49,28,42,0.29600000000000004,0.555,0.149,-0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,8,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396082450628335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554251914104495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410856914567828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644455431064555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24607838064684395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723480733745121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8333027471097632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mousey_122,2019/01/26,"I want to just end it all So me (14 f) and my boyfriend (15 m) have been together for around a year and a half and we've had sexual intercourse before. One day my mom went through my phone and found a picture and video of me in a bra while next to my boyfriend in his house. She sent it to my father and I found out she sent to him. She wants to take me to a gynecologist to see if my hymen broke but I have been doing sports and working out so i know that's a ""excuse"" to say. But I'm worried if I actually confess to having sex if it will make it better or worse. She said that if I did my bf better run but she also said she'll make us move if she finds out on her own. Please help. I've never considered suicide and running away more.

If I kill myself it seems easier than just dealing with the consequences. ",2.2029406593406584,3.101549074285714,3.954857142857147,90.68468131868131,75.4,7.213186813186812,22.60439560439561,7.61054688173877,0.6619978021978024,628,16,149,8,13,212,107,175,0.085,0.7859999999999999,0.129,0.7974,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,3,6,4,1,0,7,0,10,1,0,2,2,37,26,22,2,8,12,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,7,13,0,0,6,2,0,6,1,2,0,2,11,4,29,2,22,13,3,20,1,1,1,1,24,8,0,8,6,104,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.15391712838736316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613285537477195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040894551726169,0.0,0.0,0.14818809954130632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342126025882702,0.0,0.0,0.27899039864810304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171976210615216,0.16260784564823388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969778931915822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415805527831635,0.0,0.0,0.3458752732643915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571993545928336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819938050940435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449966159798194,0.0,0.08668169309999499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056570823554172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472595036619988,0.0,0.1676370193472253,0.0,0.0,0.12164746512307825,0.0,0.16774263253827632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068787367264274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313500158542586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000657341503963,0.12542947919539402,0.0,0.0,0.12568663332147886,0.14358717793055453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252586460053093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858978699462992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897241005782406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860609220973279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621292163147506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148258877495833,0.1601776855548152,0.16073554274146254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015699138795127
suicidewatch,louhanapessypablo,2019/01/26,"Why is it on me? If I want to die, then why should I be obligated to live for people that could care less? Why is the person who wants to kill them selves at fault? I’m so tired of hearing that it’s all my fault if I want to die.",0.6580188679245254,1.2698555094339632,2.713349056603775,99.20889150943395,78.81132075471697,6.054716981132076,17.023584905660385,5.985473137389443,-0.8282792452830191,174,2,49,1,4,59,38,53,0.326,0.5870000000000001,0.087,-0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,11,4,3,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,8,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159894507296754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914048902737505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397220138360215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387639978628554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343744046078235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706245713118724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686621030706756,0.18497432994881216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434839361729362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748538888672106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5734697725000641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alfie_sutherland,2019/01/26,"too scared to die i’m not gay but everyone i know seems to think i am and assume it. i spend a lot of my time trying to convince people that i’m not and i’m pretty sick of it. i have no problem with gay people and i’ve thoroughly thought about if i might be but i’m not and i know it. then it stops for a while and i’m fine and i’m not happy but i’m just being. then someone comes along and says it again, really fucking frustrates me and nothing i can do. im 15 and i’m too scared to even tell anyone about thinking about killing myself other than my mam but nothing much can be done. just venting really no real reason for the post",-0.591852941176473,1.47992590714286,1.8660504201680688,96.35189075630257,89.92857142857143,4.436974789915967,17.521008403361346,5.900188976854957,-0.4269159663865541,497,13,115,4,17,169,78,140,0.273,0.696,0.031,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,3,2,3,0,10,4,0,1,0,36,26,17,2,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,12,0,1,8,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,2,1,11,3,14,20,2,8,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,6,76,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674449755850047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438239463802347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328136140484246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086124299824826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027756795286207,0.0,0.0,0.15954041889755968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435471663492562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777353489036538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034882365636226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471995775057135,0.0,0.1835171316729275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194607635988515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771214883436341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273710629245613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204112387234131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150241348497896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990451878718467,0.169861520229421,0.0,0.15976115967207505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004058664335266,0.2139217036213001,0.17166589792307516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277577667186322,0.3343184257809913,0.0,0.0,0.1519969563147998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146731214568153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958864678742602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593312853819596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396645484939,0.0,0.13255006955363666,0.09735753959553016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335700064443922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Intresting_Man,2019/01/26,"I just feel lonely and scared I feel like being honest. But there is no one who I feel I can come out to right now about this.

I've been thinking about killing myself for a long while, and each time I feel more and more helpless and lost. I feel like my options for improving myself and my life have runned out. I live in a foreign country where I can't find a psychiatrist by myself easily, I have no truly close friends or family to talk about my suicidal thoughts with, and I just don't know where to get help. I take the train every morning, I just feel like one day, my mind will just make me jump.",5.355529953917048,4.910314645161293,5.497603686635944,87.1985483870968,67.87096774193549,8.698617511520737,27.39170506912443,7.957251820313856,1.3532801843317976,472,12,105,5,7,149,78,124,0.179,0.643,0.17800000000000002,-0.2779,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,1,1,4,0,9,1,0,1,0,31,23,9,2,0,6,0,6,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,12,0,0,10,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,3,6,20,5,13,18,3,15,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,2,8,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467459979188804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098650688127521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353167906333955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059580603951007,0.0,0.5168205189161177,0.3651055593256427,0.0,0.0,0.15570164867802855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161607435474398,0.0,0.08900360779214303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418555985210455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847288798471076,0.0,0.0936228121266991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203269792266072,0.2496809689302107,0.0,0.15042684199251571,0.15075907075028466,0.0,0.0,0.1859629226875951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371347880641824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720102799158452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087430646593646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548248672773842,0.0,0.0,0.1705553638620045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634103731521096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808597699096094,0.13692512903899054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091567910917574,0.0,0.13524307127160382,0.09933553947339316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jake_pulkis,2019/01/26,"They'll let you be homeless but tell you suicide is ""never the answer"".. Honestly, this is one of the most puzzling things about society. People tell you that ""we don't live in a vaccum. everyone has people who care"" along with other shamings of suicide calling you ""cowardly"".

But when you want to live...oh no. You're entitled to nothing. If you don't do well in school your parents kick you out and you end up homeless liviing on a cardboard box. 

But remember, don't kill yourself because ""people care about you so much""

I understand having to work to participate in society but I find it so stupid that people can't see the incongruity. I can't honestly imagine telling a homeless person freezing in the cold ""keep struggling because life is worth it"". If they want to die, then let them die and vice versa.",3.7362464985994417,6.087318352941183,4.482600373482729,82.3895588235294,74.62091503267973,7.247245564892625,30.53641456582633,8.192908349453996,2.4714728291316534,640,30,113,11,14,205,94,153,0.244,0.642,0.115,-0.9825,1,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,1,10,3,1,6,9,2,2,7,0,15,1,0,0,1,23,22,12,5,4,6,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,5,0,1,0,7,4,1,1,0,3,17,5,18,18,2,11,0,0,1,0,21,7,0,4,4,82,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365887432334655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707066382139893,0.0,0.2737264932780715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27863297132772585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889385924280466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826890498753565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268989807576056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931573332253605,0.14851300299783818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745322102025108,0.0948153403796284,0.0,0.0,0.2370669041544278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867940885613988,0.0,0.10353160680692156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880371952370726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096225174594057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905395271622912,0.0,0.0,0.3722512612776418,0.11721029548503036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520639960887887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585469165095584,0.10696925816546593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033332894335926,0.0,0.29366629152156004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519863379138841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891808886897274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974512306879758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835254938706747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206949008829504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772590534227438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-igaveup-,2019/01/26,"i think im gonna do it i've been struggling with eating issues and i really dont eat unless im throwing it up which i do like 1-4 times a day and i know its fucking disgusting but whatever. i just want someone to care about me bc i feel like no one does. i only have one friend and i feel like im her last choice and she doesn't care. my parents dont care , they don't really pay attention. my therapist is on medical leave and isn't coming back to the place i go to, just another location so i can't even talk to her. i've been wanting to kill myself for so long and i think nows the time. no one will miss me, no one will care and im sick of living like this and seeing my disgusting self everyday. that felt good to say lol ",-0.6818421052631578,1.30856141358025,2.15748538011696,94.78078947368424,89.18518518518519,6.1265756985055235,17.785575048732944,7.475848149327749,0.30004444444444456,567,15,137,11,19,198,95,162,0.16899999999999998,0.599,0.232,0.9167,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,8,16,4,1,3,1,14,5,0,0,0,23,32,12,1,2,4,1,3,4,1,3,2,1,0,1,6,10,2,0,7,0,1,3,9,6,0,4,3,5,21,10,13,26,0,14,0,1,1,1,9,3,1,0,12,80,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131174305562352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162588693727556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329243824165141,0.0,0.0,0.09144228653053882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846055936480486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289609604649496,0.0,0.2488234357597948,0.0,0.0,0.2172441225007725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011372737594689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734932160742536,0.1516729025809777,0.10192450394326366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201433057018817,0.098137678607119,0.0,0.0,0.06032977444797271,0.08903695340982141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586582199498615,0.11079721455814097,0.0,0.0,0.11744369230337068,0.0,0.05833947183361619,0.08652969242527904,0.0,0.112401777069642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744596355542935,0.0,0.09373594225695704,0.09394296498801907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693900463105037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877308380984658,0.08073491376846714,0.0,0.0,0.11787147391842046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090835452429623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600996363932485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441793540169394,0.0,0.0,0.08459100811588649,0.0,0.11074179155121633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994395451874733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097522756691884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532257819893466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325299610178755,0.0,0.13603841616565704,0.0,0.0,0.12379852250843545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252247797180411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ubergers2828,2019/01/26,Anyone to talk to I just need someone to talk to about what to do and my situation,4.578333333333333,3.7882535000000033,6.507777777777778,80.465,69.55555555555556,9.422222222222222,29.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.9257111111111112,65,2,15,1,1,23,13,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953641479044343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132172346426803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748149850099699,0.0,0.0,0.35791298932355914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6790463946881209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ajshrthrowaway,2019/01/26,I just want to be held and loved. I’m 28. It’s getting to a point most of my waking hours I would rather be dead than alive. I haven’t enjoyed life in years. I really don’t want to be alive. I don’t think I ever wanted to be alive. ,-1.4916666666666671,0.18456538888889185,1.2496296296296308,102.13333333333335,89.55555555555556,4.340740740740742,12.703703703703706,5.46131890053228,-1.4381629629629629,177,2,48,1,6,61,36,54,0.077,0.608,0.315,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,1,11,16,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,7,10,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29920952231074976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281894076138474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325751750876616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336397547335728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985419391449116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126940957139861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119061910796764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195052067377607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5853079889619768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497668019917156,0.0,0.0,0.21301152820171732
suicidewatch,smokinchokin,2019/01/26,God I just want to fuckin die. Tired of be unappreciated and everyone shitting on me. I tried so hard for these people. And what do it get. Wife took my kids my house half my income. Gonna blow my fucking brains out. Hate all these self centered assholes taking advantage of my loyalty and hard work while i get nothing. I’m surrounded by the worst people I’ve ever seen. I hope to have the strength to just fuckin kill myself. Gotta stop being such a pussy and do it finally. ,1.9616842105263184,4.356576800000003,3.2686842105263167,88.54828947368422,81.0,6.326315789473685,22.13157894736842,7.554174236665415,0.9234,376,12,77,6,10,122,71,95,0.293,0.581,0.126,-0.9674,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,6,0,3,0,5,6,2,0,2,12,17,6,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,2,3,11,3,9,11,2,9,0,0,1,3,3,4,4,1,4,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229480507454954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727269580637192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065370085136173,0.0,0.19083629333749524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877808039585295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463334987657595,0.20868574625998626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578109218989591,0.19717726935080296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836211227112888,0.0,0.23044435883225894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095511774487994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163198130034104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769145448748306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834635825542488,0.0,0.20500463363594398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697072835200324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016086626635453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295430760713797,0.0,0.0,0.2218907742078428,0.13559341248020085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779711368280232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453949383943273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,violetpaopusunsets,2019/01/26,"I am so tired. Bipolar is awful. Everything just went to hell. I've been in a depressive episode for close to two years now. I was hospitalized last year. I almost died from an embolism,  and I wish every day that it had killed me. 

I feel bad for my family, but as much as I love them, I think this will be best. This is going to be my last day with them. 

Some financial stuff happened, someone transferred money from my mom's account, into my account and then into PayPal. Mom thinks I stole money from her and my stepdad. 

I have the proof, but it doesn't matter. I don't matter. If my computer had not been hacked, then this wouldn't have happened. So I am just going to pretend everything is fine, and then swallow all of my fluoxetine, Seroquel and topamax tonight. 

I know my brother will be the one to find me, but it's okay. I have my note written. ",2.1753289473684205,4.228112567251461,3.4833881578947405,89.12402960526317,78.29824561403508,6.146345029239766,24.722587719298247,7.1686216300943375,1.036862280701754,663,24,136,8,16,216,102,171,0.112,0.769,0.119,0.8028,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,5,8,2,0,4,2,21,4,0,0,2,29,33,16,2,3,7,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,5,1,4,3,4,4,0,2,7,1,27,4,17,20,4,18,1,1,0,1,7,4,1,3,11,101,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266547086236988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563501354561733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047628682639404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095275183649332,0.0,0.13991387140745018,0.0,0.16859254151921638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686714460694396,0.0,0.2919906649287452,0.0,0.15313894153484114,0.0,0.08213720850098058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484720321271457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464277886251695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872996282481983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797216209176252,0.0,0.08927567105376777,0.26482914961501725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661319677452347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805078694289704,0.0,0.0,0.11941596326805587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100771178018364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376393485321858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185960967319576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817673713121712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670693905175254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868542274288702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150588391026509,0.0,0.0,0.1868040414316776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20921885339748675
suicidewatch,meowwwx,2019/01/26,I think i might kill myself tonight I cant stand myself anymore and dont wanna burden anyone ,2.16,4.604149473684213,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,80.57894736842105,3.8,20.026315789473685,3.1291,-0.15870526315789446,76,2,13,0,2,25,15,19,0.246,0.628,0.126,-0.5096,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41885924381648987,0.29531802072415503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494992865728648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672694084259757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44804824603529997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706258165007847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RollingInTheYeast,2019/01/26,"How do you seek help when you don't feel like you're depressed/suicidal enough to seek help? If someone I cared about asked me this, I would absolutely encourage and help them get the help they need however I possibly could. I feel ridiculous even posting this, but it's the closest I've been able to get in the past year, so uh, I guess this is progress. Maybe someone else can relate and give some advice on how to get the help I need because I don't really have anyone else in my corner doing that for me right now. Probably because I can't find my voice to ask for help because I don't feel like I have it bad enough to need it. 

  


The last time I tried to see a therapist, my doctor put me on an antidepressant instead, which made me feel much worse physically and mentally. That whole month was a blur to me, but I remember complaining about feeling like I was going to faint every time I stood up. She told me I was being too sensitive and to just accept that not feeling suicidal anymore comes at the cost of some minor side effects. Turns out it was something to do with serotonin overdose, I don't remember the exact term, but I guess it could have cause long term problems if I hadn't sought a second opinion. I wish I hadn't, my bf made me though. 

  


Before that, I saw a therapist for about 3 months. She constantly complimented me about how “well adjusted” I was. How I should feel proud that I'm in a healthy and stable relationship, holding down a long term steady job. 

My insurance only covered 3 months of visits, anything after had to come out of pocket. She didn't feel like it was necessary, but she said if I wanted to, I could come once a month instead of once a week. I didn't really feel like it was helping me, so I just stopped going. I always felt guilty about taking up her time that she could have spent with someone who REALLY needs help. 

  


I feel like I'm in this constant limbo of:

Things are okay, tolerable. 

Things are stressful and exhausting. 

Things are out of control, feeling suicidal, scared. 

Try to seek help. 

Feel guilt/shame. Convince myself it's not so bad. 

Then rinse and repeat.

  


It's exhausting and it's getting worse. I don't know how to break out of this cycle anymore. I don't know where to start and I just don't have the energy to figure it out. It's taken me 4 hours just to get these words out of my head and to convince myself to post it. How do you dig yourself out when you feel like you don't deserve it? I guess I have a little bit of fight left in me, but I don't think it's enough to power through doctors doubting me/reminding me it could always be worse. Maybe I am I just being a baby. I don't really know anymore. ",4.021493018259932,5.032684517625237,4.872454350161117,85.3931283566058,71.17068645640074,8.048452299580118,26.98569475637145,8.371475516178862,1.672759554730983,2101,69,434,32,38,682,231,539,0.136,0.726,0.138,-0.5238,3,0,1,0,1,0,56.0,0,5,2,5,29,27,2,3,19,1,50,6,1,11,1,98,105,31,2,17,15,0,14,7,1,2,5,2,0,0,33,22,0,3,25,0,2,7,17,11,2,1,22,18,71,16,59,73,11,62,0,0,2,0,34,25,0,11,34,285,104,3,0.054468903524874934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322638212510845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906449822911632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205554819706808,0.0380859238096808,0.05580982849845305,0.044823266549613584,0.0,0.10184214406852828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095851855130076,0.09961121408003826,0.0,0.046349025075359936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059465935326834224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055534677305733915,0.05595456807006003,0.0,0.1407604121410618,0.0,0.1177230685558104,0.061091506888022784,0.21744493644797133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150246160554804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100355919598106,0.0,0.0,0.16884281339069465,0.0,0.035976197069716095,0.0,0.0458924004442529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580344849849016,0.2723881689310053,0.05229868924860291,0.0,0.049783591034347166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228876985330027,0.0522515355213277,0.061911866219121474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001091433339494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590080929556905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285842208976287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364089804692195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054051982058746915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980405467714514,0.04439942624048402,0.0,0.0,0.059180623053637374,0.0,0.0,0.18627528452164746,0.054592150826315015,0.0,0.09640653116615944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030795870364534,0.0,0.0,0.10944266941793976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489184353024039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390623651961404,0.0,0.040040911363148114,0.16155200716289705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601520916257715,0.0,0.041426055593463365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519967316993946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061405504621153975,0.10433230596243978,0.0,0.058726690563843074,0.0521193844872037,0.0,0.05475629245460163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957669741608686,0.0,0.0,0.0584792179676209,0.12340529923104505,0.046516145997210614,0.05181240050555619,0.0,0.05453287460544709,0.0,0.04340466399661279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845397559506092,0.04193282304330582,0.0,0.0,0.03855337026481435,0.0,0.0,0.04553844230284457,0.062393944956529265,0.0,0.0,0.1787404193863019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040953836712023316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264851903655044,0.10856015760647628,0.034901474020811424,0.05351542115946105,0.0,0.0952837670180206,0.0,0.0,0.05204737153159806,0.0,0.0739616201213193,0.05924652589567572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032127170539599285,0.0,0.04369166889404216,0.0,0.048974085721202286,0.0,0.0,0.060812585588836635,0.06263655093124823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652539830138294,0.03869314627488237,0.0,0.0,0.0350761880368686
suicidewatch,helg5489,2019/01/26,"Hi, suicidal thoughts/addiction help I dont know what to do anymore. I have a good job and am 29 but no matter how much money I make I blow it. I’m sliding into debt basically because of my addiction. It isnt a normal addiction so I dont know who cares, I will go out once a month maybe, maybe more than that and have a few drinks and even though I know I shouldnt do it I’ll end up in a whore house, high, by the end they will give credit and I wake up and I am fucked again. 

Im typically a very anxious/worry prone person and this behaviour makes everything 100x worse....I am constantly worrying, I cant see a way out for my idiotic behaviour, I never thought of suicide before but now I am increasingly, I dont want to be a burden to my parents anymore and I dont want to worry anymore.


To those who say dont do what your doing...yes, i can go for weeks without drinking and then self destruct and blow all the work in a day, I fucking hate myself, my lack of willpower. 

I dont know what to do at this point so maybe this is just venting. I never took drugs until I started working 7/8years back either. 

I dont blame anyone else for this although as said before 7yrs ago I had never ever had any inclination to pay for sex nor had I taken drugs, I guess the late 30s/40s senior people I worked with were all into tha big time and thats what started it. But now I have developed a full blown issue.

So, thats it. I am on the train now, I know myself and I know that its a matter of time before I work up the courage. I’ve pretty much thought of this non stol for months..

",1.3972654690618749,3.0893733173652684,3.449005988023952,90.16460678642716,79.2994011976048,6.249740518962076,22.80998003992016,7.1686216300943375,0.7069723752495012,1224,39,272,15,30,416,173,334,0.161,0.752,0.087,-0.981,4,0,4,0,0,1,39.0,0,1,1,4,13,11,5,0,16,0,31,11,1,3,6,47,58,24,2,5,6,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,22,16,2,0,8,2,4,5,16,7,0,0,9,3,38,4,34,45,10,46,0,0,1,4,12,15,2,1,25,184,60,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264721534380331,0.0,0.0,0.061384317271681324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709112466841482,0.0,0.0,0.07823071216787551,0.2060267070123134,0.048419924854953916,0.07095292516906418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053247562017138414,0.0,0.04221303671638226,0.0,0.17677525606026082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060311613878341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483266208338693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044659335626045495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681083095601058,0.13567367109539674,0.16061176578439634,0.0,0.05784795348304935,0.0,0.1226666348847772,0.0,0.0,0.04573775779701288,0.06263892691179243,0.0,0.0,0.06223578270999765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803761953278647,0.0,0.06642914679295647,0.07871065239063044,0.05808207269036714,0.0,0.0,0.07628465736798924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836822332078263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046415583189359885,0.07316448496652835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990308132134749,0.0,0.0,0.07479989782597304,0.07227708971841668,0.0687181154545238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834187249160404,0.0,0.07811494278744073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244737149123043,0.0,0.20870725844630436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054644422130568,0.0,0.10181073348861222,0.0,0.16022535426261988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678484958213379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374703233870207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689188875026381,0.0,0.0,0.04800795625963517,0.060464823888157174,0.0,0.0,0.06546189591798866,0.0,0.0,0.07045027574970224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587085957453194,0.05506891770884706,0.0,0.0,0.05518181939271512,0.0,0.07224093525677311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802841073021464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149249923192235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803596741071229,0.10995061080441787,0.08075832008984528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693725576893619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057136985768021786,0.08168872001651595,0.05496596762796184,0.055546698439262014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675275688246966,0.0,0.20165394622986893,0.21097460918746155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_suffer_you_dont,2019/01/26,"What do I have to offer anyone? I'm not attractive, I don't have any personality, I'm not rich, I'm not talented, I'm not popular.

Romantically I have nothing any woman would want, I'm not strong, I'm not 'alpha' or confident.

Why should I live? I have no value to anyone on this earth, and my bowels grow tighter with dread with each waking morning.

This existence has no purpose but to end with less than a whimper.",3.849285714285713,4.905240595238098,5.884285714285718,77.81071428571428,71.61904761904762,8.933333333333335,28.285714285714285,9.2995712137729,2.4008000000000007,326,12,65,7,6,114,52,84,0.226,0.738,0.036000000000000004,-0.8813,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,1,0,9,2,2,0,0,16,16,3,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,8,14,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605910442004189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735878343548545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999458700973989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990366335601973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249465024549431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29569856919047144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974620014245925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30558148482761605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405692381293813,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YeaIneedHelp,2019/01/26,"i need some help o-o Heyyyyyyyyyyyy  ppl of Reddit,im new here.I am in need of some help.There is this person i need help with.This person has a problem of suicide,every time i try to help out,it get's worse,so i'd appreciate some help,if u want atleast,i dont wanna force ppl into this,but i srsly need some help with this.the persons name is Alexis. im not gonna tell much unless u add me at disc for more info,at nvm.

the tag is 1820",1.9588775510204075,2.545300397959185,3.4761224489795914,95.07602040816327,75.63265306122447,6.0081632653061225,21.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-0.2465469387755106,341,7,85,1,7,113,68,98,0.032,0.7929999999999999,0.175,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,17,13,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,11,12,6,5,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,4,2,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840079927717611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825198201819274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952870878821737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6121794630059413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328847613506523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118992729608158,0.4514770401436584,0.0,0.14701510114247565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987381055581147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565405813042867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304705868990413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876075236803319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334744186413264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978334666423173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marcelineawe,2019/01/26,"I don't think that my life is worth it. So, I'm a teenager and I am considering committing suicide. I have nothing to live for, my mother doesn't care, nor does she have any sympathy for me. My family don't listen to me either and they leave me out of things. I can admit that I did do something against the law as a child, I brought a weapon to school, I didn't have any intentions of homicide though. My school life is terrible. I find many of my subjects easy but I struggle with Maths in particular. I have tried to improve myself but I'm too lazy. I have friends but most of them ask me about homework and the answers. It doesn't help that I am not allowed to move schools.

I only have two options left; to go to a boarding school (my family won't allow me to) and to survive past my teenage years or to die. I don't want to hurt my family but they don't care, they never have.

I know that I'm pathetic but my life is horrible, having nobody to speak to and having no will to live.

Thank you if you read to the end. ",1.3172325581395334,3.1339692232558183,3.0918023255813982,92.04281976744188,80.02325581395348,6.3465116279069775,23.30813953488372,7.365786028017652,0.8187255813953485,793,27,179,11,20,264,113,215,0.19,0.71,0.1,-0.9662,1,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,4,1,4,8,1,1,7,0,26,3,0,3,2,30,40,16,2,2,9,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,1,7,7,0,0,5,1,1,3,12,4,0,1,3,2,37,4,27,35,2,10,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,4,4,126,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364598390234728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935835920502805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034518510265675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325059032965578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117287558882309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130816510358477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610802754694815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669211789562225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864094950800643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256032200444551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557748055573207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667812015752065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016652889141901,0.0,0.0,0.13518878883060687,0.13871864401559222,0.0,0.2705406814600428,0.0,0.0,0.22547772524561355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129441834825585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356977158686709,0.0,0.0,0.09847039289230093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250706097069132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971021588203198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187969207497648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770898258563687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516853365874262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829001541672083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347303749190192,0.0,0.1396551062869225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754546345013965,0.0,0.0,0.08482121951549695,0.08180862080354206,0.12543948127135335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668255860644541,0.0,0.12471936831289612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753056879660036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221814828310246
suicidewatch,Terbizond12345,2019/01/26,"Just feeling suicidal Got in a fight.

Pretty sure everyone on my floor hates me. 


I don’t have a plan. But I did wake up feeling.....different. 

Like, I don’t care if I die. 

If you have had this before, you will know what I am talking about. 

I don’t know. Everything seems gray, dull, and uninteresting. 

Anyone who wants to chat can. If not, that is cool too. ",-0.4947727272727249,1.7283583611111126,1.7127272727272749,94.44136363636363,97.33333333333334,5.395959595959597,17.656565656565657,6.980632752743323,0.23384444444444474,270,8,61,5,11,90,56,72,0.231,0.611,0.158,-0.7822,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,3,7,2,0,2,1,11,1,1,0,1,13,19,5,2,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,3,10,4,5,15,0,4,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,4,1,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842529081938734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242283187027518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268666866276429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734826517938198,0.2753127452659847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179590277146885,0.23682655420035897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332389997171356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107536931331366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601624024126005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289637335559999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873808732840156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26808526095048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989037447855124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882380924449537,0.0,0.24835585078370956,0.0,0.0,0.2118000338015511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554255223935794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GatYoo,2019/01/26,"Suicide I'm so depressed.

My whole life is just failure.. It all started when I was 12 so I moved to mum, she was so rude to me and abuse me whole 4 years I was living with her. 

I moved back to my dad, but it is all lost.. I was hard into the drugs, so my head is so fucked up, I'm not happy nomore, it hurts to be here. I will never go to my doctor. 

Is there any reason to not commit a suicide? 

",-1.0440000000000005,0.4479812666666696,1.6833333333333336,100.80500000000002,86.33333333333334,4.0,15.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.3164444444444443,294,5,78,0,9,102,56,90,0.287,0.667,0.047,-0.9756,0,0,1,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,2,0,2,0,10,5,1,1,4,12,16,8,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,5,1,14,1,9,9,4,10,0,3,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,57,17,1,0.0,0.21548599365141044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367771218708876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398466631704145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566442069430506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861514642517173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109112479518463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813571526692733,0.0,0.0,0.1033608082305552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360380212295364,0.1629196332190706,0.0,0.18665090175387508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946954006908728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846003032365258,0.0,0.0,0.1605943804793605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985323893366812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38659766659709,0.0,0.0,0.14026921484037752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699246231977307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872839259858485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978721224102623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061023116186183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171181993547445
suicidewatch,one_sad_random_guy,2019/01/26,"My way of out will be like this I will build up a system where I get anesthesia and afterwards, a ton of solid metal (or concrete) will drop right onto my head while lying down and there won't be any brain matter to feel any pain whatsoever. Can't wait to save up money to build such design!",11.546500000000002,5.654384650000004,11.056666666666667,69.22500000000002,60.83333333333334,14.0,36.66666666666666,10.125756701596842,3.357166666666666,229,4,48,3,2,76,46,60,0.183,0.735,0.081,-0.8186,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,2,0,0,8,10,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,10,4,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,3,32,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996960048201226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101454939658609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857710099289117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919539511496844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37706353171133977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794955272111505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39094482954237797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137618669985659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916289918553064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Varona_aa,2019/01/26,Is there any chance of survival jumping off a 20story building? I just wanna make sure i can die for sure,2.66,4.900763809523814,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,77.57142857142857,6.104761904761905,29.54761904761905,7.1686216300943375,1.7810761904761896,84,4,16,1,2,27,19,21,0.159,0.5710000000000001,0.269,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889641297805925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410059153272888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28364128529068955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8009751154843268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,errilan,2019/01/26,"Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault I’ve tried to type this for three hours now.. I’ve shut off after this. Two years ago I was sexually and given an STD ( one I got rid of during my kit) that made me attempt my life and caused a two week stay in treatment. I tried to take legal action to be told “ No doesn’t always mean no, how was he supposed to know.”

Tonight my close friend stopped by my work as I was leaving which I found odd. 

I really can’t get myself to type what happened because no one should have to ‘deal’ with this. 

Statistically saying it’s my fault now. First time shame on you.. kind of thing. Why me? 

Like when I was bullied and asked the girl from 8th grade why, “ I don’t know, it’s just you.” 

I’m not sure I’ll make it through this one.... I didn’t deserve this life. ",0.4640967961826874,2.6115850245398806,1.9134458077709624,97.47305896387184,85.25766871165644,4.603817314246762,18.87150647580096,5.82211442006289,-0.4215246080436264,601,16,140,4,18,193,112,163,0.175,0.782,0.044,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,3,5,7,1,1,3,0,11,3,0,5,1,19,25,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,12,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,3,0,7,10,1,19,4,18,13,0,19,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,13,82,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421835043277941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346431862375818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995085245456358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777737629774036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477334128367507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536370804335868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364347976890924,0.0,0.1758685673483398,0.12392340648923765,0.0,0.08380154416174368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282852537061875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418397760081222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796011488430398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703025154985704,0.17630153247955874,0.0,0.0,0.1698387466321297,0.0,0.0,0.2265882679060991,0.0783625565419648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177284500589305,0.10706717797593353,0.0,0.0,0.1747208807560841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32607032235650113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027553227191074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275552461507133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096335345141975,0.0,0.13410024514349725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117359441515213,0.0,0.12059963549315413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656157019330603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352959733330099,0.0,0.0,0.15326754558370126,0.0,0.21779997048470826,0.0,0.3133718613538989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866192195277568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894692164985861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677194603954093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329131117753816
suicidewatch,dungching,2019/01/26,"At a wedding & want to die My Great Grandad killed himself, and people don't talk about him anymore. If I throw myself off a building, it would only be a matter of time before people stopped caring. If they cared at all. ",4.636287878787879,5.567652477272726,4.879999999999999,86.19833333333334,69.68181818181819,5.866666666666667,28.303030303030305,3.1291,0.89340303030303,175,6,33,0,3,55,39,44,0.191,0.5760000000000001,0.232,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,6,3,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,6,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743716378519856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113340453457395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547775303340225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163641505648947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628099235773533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27918395569045656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28015845204620465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259074730919715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351111805116854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170933386632784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353448502843716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765885570925236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936000288976978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988538493632306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KaylaLachance,2019/01/26,"I hate my fucking life Throughout all my life, I’ve always been known as the dumb kid. But ofc I’m not only a dumb kid- I’m a loser since birth, as worthless as anyone except more, as useless as littering. The only way I can describe myself is in total negative ways. I don’t think I will make it till college and I don’t think my mom does either. She knows how dumb I am, I will not get in anyway. If we’re all born for a reason, then my reason is to end up as a hobo- maybe I’ll make friends living under a bridge with them. Maybe they’re more worth it than entrepreneurs and their bragging asses, who knows?",1.361046511627908,3.1886655116279066,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581398,79.93023255813954,4.920155038759691,19.277131782945734,5.46131890053228,-0.3079100775193804,477,11,104,2,12,156,85,129,0.204,0.7559999999999999,0.04,-0.9697,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,2,9,5,0,7,0,9,4,1,5,3,22,20,13,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,15,1,16,17,6,11,0,3,0,2,8,4,5,1,5,66,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572641723108189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321540615537474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539625884099468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739900016072976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602188923922552,0.17472860091809886,0.09874534719738304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659959552024494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774027746462587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26699433058246225,0.0,0.0,0.16689155764389255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523195907290684,0.0,0.3797542982845676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135596809191352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28748791958859937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886495058053987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563437788697475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422087262008565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30004077416587605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrananaRD,2019/01/26,"):> Hi im a 14yo depressed suisidal fat boi. I just woke up, i dreamed about my mom dying, after a while my sis rushes in my room to tell me that my mom is in the hospital. My dog also died 2 days ago and i dont know what to do. ",-2.015000000000001,-0.4687513888888866,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,90.66666666666669,4.340740740740742,16.407407407407412,5.46131890053228,-0.897237037037037,171,4,47,1,6,62,42,54,0.136,0.8640000000000001,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,5,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,7,4,0,9,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217169234159492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000214463114378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130716992392294,0.0,0.21542860628480268,0.0,0.5191716287190599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931396164854718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701732943351157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745980435524988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5858767194910016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861653040176846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Killua_Money,2019/01/26,"I just want to kill myself with Anesthesia Going out by jumping off a building or by overdosing on drugs is just way too risky (Plus, I don't want to do drugs). The easiest way possible is to go out is by injecting Anesthesia in a hospital through supervision of doctors, but my mother does not respect my freedom and does not want me to end it and finally feel at peace, she thinks that I am this amazing guy with great qualities (lol). I hate life, I hate my body, three years of depression. I hate college, and I have no friends. I hate the Internet because I get called a retard by people even though they lose arguments against me, and the insults genuinely hurt, people are just vicious. Also, shadow banning is a thing, so even on the Internet I don't feel comfortable posting anything. I don't feel like I have accomplished my purpose in this pathetic life. ",6.414146341463416,6.9183745609756135,6.851121951219515,75.15363414634149,65.58536585365853,10.950243902439025,37.74146341463414,10.793553405168565,4.286409268292683,684,35,124,18,10,223,101,164,0.34,0.525,0.136,-0.9941,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,9,16,7,0,8,1,12,6,1,0,0,24,26,10,1,3,7,1,3,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,10,0,1,0,3,21,6,23,26,0,17,0,3,0,0,7,8,0,1,4,88,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045191826824474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075533582519584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967231766419336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517606883554032,0.0,0.0,0.1334573210963662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125700382160409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133774991451846,0.228749487133198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031364862508313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575967830744548,0.0,0.0,0.17264965763703755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982545820561568,0.09337071242487166,0.0,0.14317332436967645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009769885599566,0.0,0.06828433631593231,0.0,0.14855742653521306,0.0,0.0,0.14409506058851893,0.0,0.12941161697292133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161490601253981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991496477253718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459802685345893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463179462518756,0.0638524649994522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621768572855828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121914171798795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734241266979228,0.12517260280451334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682997634732527,0.08374603253707111,0.12841016969606756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312672869686519,0.20748405583790733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416525854639903
suicidewatch,Lightning-IHK,2019/01/26,"I've just overdosed I've taken around 50? 60? I'm not sure, 500mg paracetamol tablets, is this enough to kill me? If I survive will there be any damage done?",0.2504545454545486,2.5286673030303035,1.5729545454545466,98.47943181818184,88.0909090909091,4.512121212121213,20.37121212121212,5.985473137389443,-0.1116606060606058,123,4,28,1,4,39,29,33,0.302,0.698,0.0,-0.8962,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29044052212987137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802067703182408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370683900302811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413052441234549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725194147237447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402533752080128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NathanMuchWBU,2019/01/26,Everything is boring. There is no point in living. Everyone I’ve ever cared about will die if they haven’t already. I’m bored by everything. Nothing excites me anymore. My girlfriend is the only person that gives me any feeling at all and I feel like a weight she has to carry around. She’d be happier with someone else. I’m too stupid to make anything of myself. I forget everything. I’m too lazy to do anything. I’m too conscious to get sleep. Everything is so boring. It feels like I’m going through the motions and I’m numb. I’m not satisfied with anything I do and I’d rather it all just stop.,0.420780532598716,2.8798421570247967,2.34241046831956,90.24169651056015,94.37190082644628,5.002938475665749,23.251147842056927,6.691623216298621,1.0258977043158857,475,20,92,7,18,157,79,121,0.228,0.675,0.096,-0.937,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,0,10,9,1,0,3,0,11,3,1,1,3,20,26,5,1,2,4,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,4,10,4,13,23,2,8,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700443635380042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478785007754464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528178670495621,0.0,0.0,0.3804137814509504,0.13717455730492115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571070727457177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992317722519614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872410076330848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393850439646366,0.0,0.1472415179514135,0.5539518466797669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337406489074368,0.2201667238637364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805067147259107,0.14781909593228346,0.08757403969741241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056314410008215,0.0,0.13606606693622336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285761247048407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785543840342044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719391640398374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454719854688568,0.0,0.0,0.1456667553290979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420329228450086,0.0,0.13056165907531786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288278192058745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764255418517414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Falling4MakeBelieve,2019/01/26,"Worried about my friend I'm scared that he may have killed himself.

On Tuesday he was talking some dark stuff about suicide. Wednesday morning around 3am he seemed better and he asked if I wanted to hang out Thursday at 11am before he had to go to work.

He texted me at 8am and again at 1pm on Wednesday just to say ""hey, what's up?"" I was sleeping so I rolled over and went back to sleep and didn't answer.

I woke at 5pm and finally answered his texts then...I've not received any answer since.

He also hasn't been online since 3pm on Wednesday. Not on Facebook, not on Snapchat...nothing. Phonecalls go straight to voicemail.

I had the cops do a wellness check and they took my number to get back at me...that was yesterday at 4pm but I've heard nothing.

I drove by his house at like 8pm yesterday and all the lights were off and no cars were around...which I'm hoping meant he was at work.

I called the place he said he worked but they told me he hasn't worked there since early December...but he told me on Dec 30th he worked there so idk.

It's been on my mind for days, I've barely slept and been drinking, I'm very worried.

Hopefully his phone just died or something, but I've been so worried. I didn't know him very well but I still don't want anything to have happened to him. I wish I had answered those texts sooner.",1.5466703693418469,3.4555716606498237,2.3671660649819515,97.06683351846712,79.68592057761731,4.9835601221882815,22.56720355456817,5.634304966280588,0.02657578450430487,1038,33,235,5,26,324,148,277,0.099,0.805,0.096,-0.1789,0,0,3,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,2,6,17,9,1,1,4,0,22,4,3,0,1,38,47,19,3,6,11,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,5,11,1,0,7,1,1,8,9,2,2,0,25,4,25,7,33,21,2,44,0,0,0,0,33,22,0,7,15,124,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672200274128088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374510732979002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923952895325009,0.19307491171699545,0.10137977063992946,0.0,0.0,0.16677228261814225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922771918148646,0.0,0.0,0.09590921431400116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073265087736583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699369047184556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254693993879744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623306947123573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879424532230412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837829616914279,0.0,0.05665710589383805,0.0,0.12326156041964476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958959800757356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541716962823834,0.0,0.1251289144082798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199763541901038,0.0,0.05959755691172725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297987893326656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949673710733644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810838596811665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330008248273254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315433414329844,0.08623840002908569,0.10857057989894994,0.0,0.0,0.0987226333781778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691160531612625,0.0,0.21704307000691847,0.0,0.0,0.08348488774066963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660289446208408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414154049330492,0.11861928011043528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716255136091641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724428522377072,0.12048440601685667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895402488824394,0.12792524000370029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950069540709929,0.10052795009563853,0.0,0.0,0.1247043495630516,0.0,0.0,0.3947397734952521,0.3303880573662584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,janusmanusdanus,2019/01/26,"The world will be better without me. Always disappoint my parents. Always disappoint myself. Always disappoint my church leaders. Don’t have any friends that’ll stick around. I actually reached out to one that i was really close with before and got left on read. 

I almost committed suicide back during my junior year of high school. Nobody noticed me acting any different and it’s how i feel now. 

Nobody loves me. I push everybody out because of how terrible of a person i am and always manage to get replaced by somebody better. I’m not worth effort. I can’t make people happy. I can’t make myself happy. 

I’ll *never* be enough. And i know that for a fact. I could disappear right now and nobody, nobody would notice. 

This may be my last post.",1.8369148936170203,4.647751609929081,3.4786489361702126,82.67925,89.63829787234043,5.6568794326241125,20.52517730496454,7.1686216300943375,1.1510649645390068,591,19,98,10,20,195,93,141,0.07400000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.203,0.9524,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,3,0,14,1,0,4,3,25,22,7,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,2,1,1,3,6,4,0,1,2,1,19,6,13,12,1,19,1,3,0,1,4,9,0,2,6,67,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.13626415165700953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982483047423372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647518458490362,0.0,0.0,0.1899139211677683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430524170002487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107371116813455,0.0,0.08512053368502606,0.0,0.11881956624959684,0.0,0.0,0.2469925887426825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148762240375328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458894271907529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428084746712558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060392837760647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788207759133853,0.0,0.07295381030633925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167930325864146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29728927358018514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753262242145307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674004510230861,0.11382160809310855,0.0,0.0,0.15171443088998948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602653332389308,0.0,0.18641562444280366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769554246428394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31795199257660955,0.0,0.0,0.09462066075938563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504875070814458,0.0,0.0,0.09680570685789197,0.12192437405323305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373225564206812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967333482831376,0.0,0.08945410727930975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924799458035985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413186288217597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273862516144482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460368485116594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919308658032272,0.0,0.0,0.08992071443689713
suicidewatch,Please_okay,2019/01/26,I can't see a solution I hat lost faith that things get better ,2.3914285714285732,3.0852867142857145,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,74.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,21.142857142857142,8.841846274778883,0.9715142857142858,50,1,12,1,1,17,13,14,0.267,0.376,0.35700000000000004,0.3481,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851569548441965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28660008490682537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988183035934309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371314897024855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644390490736117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stezenk,2019/01/26,"Why am I even alive anymore? No one likes me, I don't like living, I don't have anything to do, so why exist?",0.2687999999999988,1.11812488,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,80.2,5.0,20.5,3.1291,-0.4941999999999998,82,2,21,0,2,29,19,25,0.165,0.614,0.221,0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609879771288576,0.0,0.0,0.29953914876847165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240417093079586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556618467997725,0.0,0.3214166982402452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466543082001277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6569027394890871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadtrashcanman,2019/01/26,"I want someone to talk to but everyone just makes it worse. At first I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I finally opened up to my ex who aggravated me beyond belief by guaranteeing “it gets better” and guilt tripping me with the “you can’t leave your family behind” argument.

Then I tried talking to my friends who seemed so eager to ‘listen’ until I started talking and was immediately shut down with “you’re only 20, that doesn’t matter” and “you shouldn’t worry about that stuff”.

The only person that doesn’t actively make it worse is my therapist, but she hasn’t helped either.
And the people in this subreddit just don’t even respond.",6.85781030444965,6.936683680327871,7.3596018735363025,73.34008196721314,64.65573770491804,10.250117096018736,30.54332552693209,9.957137785484203,2.887007962529273,507,16,91,10,7,167,82,122,0.16899999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.139,-0.7301,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,0,9,0,0,2,0,20,17,9,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,1,14,3,18,14,1,13,1,0,0,0,16,7,0,1,5,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769904169778225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488726776435225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117923619749093,0.0,0.0,0.16084487756603705,0.0,0.0,0.158684914127831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439539429311289,0.0,0.1431799422798531,0.0,0.0,0.13005000548822854,0.0,0.08794457469262101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282689259837655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823533549766127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247208574691426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25604247222856336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669762938613885,0.1469777544963116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323973697575774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262399872648535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914361739165735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269559939802486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411835558930809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544209783874736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428384741558993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985687522701448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094553119274275,0.3430817799660375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MTwannago,2019/01/26,"I almost killed myself last night. Only here now out of cowardice. I realized it was all too much and that I couldn't take the self-loathing for one more second. My SO was heading out for some errands, and I decided it was time. So on his way out, I gave him hugs and kisses, told him to drive safe and that I loved him. The second he was out the door, I started sobbing, knowing that I had said my final goodbye to the best person I know.

I left my notes out where they could be found, gave my stuffed animals a shaky and violent squeeze to my chest, and walked out into the winter with no coat, because why would I need one? As I walked toward the end of the long road where it becomes the trail, my teeth chattered. I had to try and act normal the two times I passed by other people in the street, smiling and nodding politely as though I was not on a solitary march to the end. As though I had not been heavily crying and hyperventilating. But I just had to plug through this little bit, and it would all be over soon. In truth, a part of me felt dead already.

I got to the edge of the bay and just stood there in the dark, readying myself to jump in and let the frigid waters take care of the rest. I listened to my chosen song before plunging into the darkness. But for some reason, I couldn't make my feet leave the solid ground. I was so convinced that I could do it if I just swallowed the lump in my throat, and yet, when faced with it, I hesitated. I chickened out. I broke down at the edge of the water, ashamed of myself for being too weak and scared to do this one thing - this one, final, selfless thing to get myself out of the world's way. Unsure of what to do next. Without completely realizing it, I had backed away from the edge and checked the time. My SO would be home soon.

Still a mess, I called him and asked him to come pick me up, and when he got there, the smell of my favourite takeout filled the car. When I was feeling a little less paralyzed, I only told him what he needed to know. And here I am reeling in the aftermath.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this, because I don't intend to leave it with a preachy message that I know, all too well, will fall on the deaf ears of the suicidal. I am perhaps feeling a little traumatized by myself, at what I came within inches of doing last night. It's all still swirling around in my head and it's all I can focus on. All I want to do today is curl up into a ball and ugly cry. Deep, desperate sobs, nose running into my pillow, eyes itching and throat burning, just wanting the pain to stop. Instead, I'm up at 3am, unable to sleep because of myself, unable to talk to anyone about what's eating me up inside, because no matter who I might tell, they will worry about me. And worrying others is the absolute last thing I want to do. My loved ones don't need that burden. But somebody out there needs to know that I came so very close to killing myself last night, and that I chickened out. Someone out there needs to hear that I am only here to type this because of a single moment of weakness, or else they might have been searching for my body right now. Somebody out there needs to understand that the pain and confusion hasn't stopped just because I backed out. And I'm hoping that someone, anyone out there can relate. That they have experienced something similar that stood out in this wall of text. I suppose I'm just shouting into the void, hoping that someone might hear me.",5.582155172413791,5.3592327902298855,5.776459770114943,84.63951724137931,67.36206896551724,8.224367816091954,29.46896551724138,7.365786028017652,1.5802282758620687,2706,84,560,22,40,860,302,696,0.124,0.795,0.081,-0.9862,1,0,1,0,1,1,82.0,0,0,4,1,44,29,3,4,42,0,49,28,14,4,8,124,99,43,4,20,15,0,4,0,0,8,7,8,3,1,40,53,4,3,14,2,1,13,11,16,1,8,27,16,82,13,105,55,16,112,0,3,1,4,31,60,2,12,36,417,122,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396128847947223,0.0,0.07048732322320055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893253551458563,0.0,0.0,0.056862027988304524,0.05971422495352746,0.0,0.06001238619526204,0.09823140787764496,0.0,0.23362455690119466,0.07054459120064169,0.05435266774950028,0.0,0.06703256015431781,0.0,0.06973463238930039,0.07095039563033283,0.0,0.0,0.06522321349173693,0.14611128787767438,0.06512451684294306,0.0,0.0,0.055022400873563165,0.06697141094014576,0.0,0.0,0.10199750579738386,0.0,0.14032672407513067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535976761512273,0.05335911822264718,0.0,0.1131480558721763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645939382215272,0.0,0.061329731873364574,0.1399432301648287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003531504481117,0.0,0.0,0.033371896042029024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217287027898436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110774647924547,0.0,0.1439828653462247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407153524083402,0.1268839852845988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413357903256138,0.0,0.17551933179783002,0.2082656330996176,0.0,0.13526817562159835,0.06940005182013614,0.06531621156999669,0.0,0.0,0.1920576989981227,0.0,0.056527102229619174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152988267771618,0.0,0.042636860318826936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032828978812855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04695525630085711,0.28417369800053904,0.0,0.0,0.06793147139653387,0.17982624562335428,0.06258364716083492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164157595765721,0.1457387700506895,0.1359343752135987,0.0,0.0,0.06917007892002641,0.0,0.044282676558923866,0.05577292699049601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061174308977324884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567383311032325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054548647447553694,0.06075946981416989,0.0,0.06394972084171738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666352458952635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392083265323886,0.0,0.1623624859828257,0.0491738670870779,0.0,0.0,0.04521084362011567,0.0,0.10202084082243264,0.1068042238339175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986855791475034,0.0,0.060201151751871775,0.0,0.09605165486249892,0.051340066826302065,0.0558293059066367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273065435060258,0.0,0.12551314298522706,0.0,0.11173755914457166,0.0,0.06054574987202081,0.1220700322171676,0.0,0.04336673056372376,0.0,0.06239630357774215,0.06649581859632242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270331956298056,0.11302486448622327,0.10140153240657078,0.0,0.0,0.05743102913625594,0.0,0.11527396895829953,0.0,0.0,0.061572934420627785,0.0,0.0,0.12973572311316892,0.0,0.13612426929641286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,radicallysadbro,2019/01/26,who to call when you're suicidal? is there any way to be taken in without having to call an ambilance or going to the er? i dont want to do that ,0.05545454545454477,1.4653012121212152,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,82.33333333333334,6.824242424242425,20.090909090909093,7.793537801064563,0.6405636363636362,112,3,27,2,3,41,27,33,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.7254,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141055827701664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6649221606149192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38158594144320623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850387903333157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561397085533819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203985072714702,0.25843607822996434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138545802833783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_Moron,2019/01/26,"All the dreams that are lost. This is not my first language. So I apologize beforehand if any of this is weirdly worded.

I took my decision. I find a strange feeling of hope in that all of this will end. But that leaves my mind with one thought. All the things that will be lost.

My dreams... I dream about being a writer. I loved books for a long time; they give an escape, a fictional world were I can travel whenever i want to. And they give me the tools to create my own world, places were I'm better, were I'm healthier, were I'm happy. Giving this kind of feeling, this option, to another person, it just makes me happy. Like I'm useful. 

A house... I always wanted to live in ireland. I love the culture, the history, everything. I often think that in the moment I reach there, that distant island across the seas, very far away of all of those people that hurt me, everything would be more easy. I dream about this house that I build myself, far from society and all that I hate, were I'm free.

Love... who doesn't dream about that? It's such a basic thing in a humans life... And I don't talk about a gf/bf. The love of a friend, family, even people you don't know but enjoys what you do. Those things give us a meaning, they make us feel like we are something, we are here because we are making their days a bit better.

But now... in the end, sitting in my desk with all of what I will use to end it all. All of i can think of is all of that things that will just vanish in the air like they are mist. The sun will rise again in the morning and nobody will remember mi name. And like me, that house, that dream job, that possible love... they will not happen, it will be like it never existed.

But bet if they are going to exist...that's not a game that I'm willing to play.


Sorry for the long post. Stay strong. ",1.5293261455525595,3.4534222560646914,2.7612506738544482,94.14554177897577,79.80862533692722,5.857250673854447,18.416711590296494,6.868970318607317,-0.038852506738544346,1391,29,310,15,35,447,175,371,0.042,0.7709999999999999,0.187,0.992,1,0,1,0,0,0,73.0,5,2,7,6,14,26,1,0,26,0,34,6,0,5,10,57,71,12,0,6,11,0,3,5,1,10,1,0,0,2,36,10,0,0,11,10,2,4,7,5,0,2,9,3,42,22,37,48,12,35,0,3,0,5,32,16,0,6,17,213,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040288920057038,0.0,0.0,0.057538184599113314,0.0887217073557684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949454777630073,0.0,0.0,0.05157790382325372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496625953305974,0.09237298193904624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054566908635517664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481992727452296,0.0,0.0,0.05588457633587132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520853018250367,0.0,0.07976344774644249,0.0,0.1283451525649219,0.06044590852316924,0.0,0.0,0.07733265659072977,0.07196982717070219,0.0,0.0,0.06537002508523629,0.0,0.0,0.3246652134854089,0.04808621666033766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482097190848683,0.1801393494211744,0.0,0.0835355596589325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403752683183853,0.0,0.29288819977085595,0.09057751560445858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839630745743807,0.0,0.0,0.08810903479122599,0.046499833757213775,0.0,0.0,0.0895905256506293,0.0,0.0,0.05976304709767771,0.20668259661407729,0.0,0.07471280755601102,0.14975563258649646,0.0,0.0,0.18472517100376165,0.0,0.38182234847179497,0.0,0.16943491891582413,0.0,0.0,0.09216586826905633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543269785353556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525699606125858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733440721129821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173168264272007,0.07387880886529644,0.08840018405333293,0.0,0.0,0.09538586315261864,0.08103367214656883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584744118123656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513745868695013,0.0,0.09471476328018442,0.0,0.09018375963338304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800688414359628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484638581214447,0.1084302537797866,0.0,0.06717145306887418,0.04933718574320276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400561265319343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035525339000468,0.14615297540503128,0.0,0.06981269735446335,0.09981117854099864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060105021175067816,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poifan4859,2019/01/26,If you havent read it Read the power of now it really helped me.,-1.9800000000000004,-0.1462713333333312,1.495000000000001,97.7025,95.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,7.5,7.1686216300943375,-1.165,50,0,13,1,2,18,13,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039871469934249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9072921756876938,0.0,0.29053867625273033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Selfconches,2019/01/26,"can't go back to the hospital I can't do more bills man. If I try again and I feel like I'm gonna, it's gotta stick because I'm already no longer buying food to pay for bills and meds.

My social anxiety is so damn bad, I don't even know how to talk to people I care about. Every time I'm out among others I feel like I'm so distant from their version of reality. All the literature about ptsd makes it sound like we only ""perceive"" the world to be an unsafe place, but it really actually is one. I know I'm going to get sexually assaulted again because I'm too socially unaware to recognize danger and split when it gets scary, I've been there before. I know it's going to happen again especially because I'm trans. I know it's never going to end because that's just the world we're in. I have to learn how to jump into an ice cold pool knowing that it's going to hurt me and that's like, what they don't get when they're trying to CBT me like they're like ""just have a positive attitude! change your thoughts!"" but that's stupid it's not reality. like isn't part of the *DBT* shit to acknowledge reality? I know y'all ain't therapists I'm just so tired of therapy I guess. Help isn't helping.

I'm still useless to the world. Like, volunteering and whatever, I know it's good that I do that but like, I'm supposed to be working and I'm not and I can't stand the state of my life but I feel powerless to change it. I'm so tired. I just want to give up I'm no good to anyone but I don't know if I can cut deep enough since the tools I have are pretty dull and the only place I could think to hang myself is from the back porch/balcony/whatever and it's pretty unstable and I'm worried one of my neighbors will get hurt. I keep making excuses. ",0.93451959917477,2.756579663129976,3.298941202475685,90.06298887415268,81.28116710875331,6.735307987032124,21.34755378720896,7.793537801064563,0.8034356616563509,1371,41,313,24,36,473,174,377,0.196,0.672,0.132,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,2,2,1,23,23,6,0,13,0,24,5,1,4,2,52,70,25,0,4,13,0,3,9,1,3,3,1,1,1,19,13,1,1,16,1,4,7,14,11,0,2,2,5,33,12,35,62,5,31,0,4,0,0,14,11,2,3,20,173,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.08481295680572773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590885436625317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648695765579438,0.0,0.0,0.060770448402259376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336589525821021,0.07256736092302367,0.21192144988743236,0.0,0.07395517175616577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861193071247997,0.0,0.18388140391273602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939165428559291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697767425574041,0.08980267469704413,0.0,0.057404138039549885,0.0,0.07322657492016522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183499522774006,0.12417899550444585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509356962578567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163040791239587,0.08337330240970936,0.24696866290797204,0.14579426184983468,0.0,0.0,0.09574266891889084,0.0,0.07685543456345678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650971420213525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860808312400265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725081607898784,0.0,0.0,0.3821137137764226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138806859053063,0.3821445334609211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160280243301024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653893566351067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703140393214982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177867827499497,0.13220002153718494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411654070954274,0.0,0.06025339852371939,0.0,0.18160776016698135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768402103141306,0.0,0.0,0.10159473676166864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567764701512936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921326899068452,0.07189398067008426,0.0,0.0,0.17719038673406484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694075297325293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985606442743753,0.0,0.0,0.09939072224782547,0.10091079545775708,0.0,0.05568929446856162,0.0,0.06899791708374739,0.0506787168585514,0.1997836617378257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801422598518327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126257588876034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327251008331775,0.0882627116847727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,windtunnel07,2019/01/26,"Doing it in 24hrs Don’t give a fuck, no one gives a fuck, family will get over it, doing it tomorrow. ",6.055,3.433798136363638,8.008181818181821,76.83227272727272,67.63636363636364,12.436363636363636,26.54545454545455,11.20814326018867,2.4765818181818187,77,1,18,2,1,28,17,22,0.365,0.635,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192333755292963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6261221326689705,0.1769219436700682,0.6496959130161803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294667152079103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ghostshadow25,2019/01/26,"I have no reason to live I know I'll never be able to finish any of my goals, I have no responsibilities, nobody interacts with me, I'm constantly mooching off my parents because I'm too worthless to have a job. If I die here's what I see happening. People will be sad for like a month at most if even that, then they'll get over it and move on. I won't have to take money off my parents and I'll be one less mouth to feed so they won't have to worry about money  as much anymore. I only see a net gain from my death. I'm sure people will lie to me and say my life has meaning or something but I know that's not true. ",1.2994625082946245,2.42451278832117,3.4789515593895177,92.30312541473127,78.05109489051095,6.149701393497015,21.213669542136696,6.574015621080383,0.1396627737226277,480,12,116,4,11,165,86,137,0.132,0.8109999999999999,0.057,-0.8246,3,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,5,6,0,0,3,0,14,3,1,1,3,17,25,10,2,2,5,2,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,0,2,1,6,3,0,1,0,3,17,3,18,17,3,11,0,2,2,0,6,5,0,4,6,75,21,2,0.18395455022169327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509540222106547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243348375774046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121369864107389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987895177384278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909157804521436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150024550474595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610866004676744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267040124181184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254650644228584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219321994948644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299325390039449,0.08987090133507848,0.0,0.1624352380493473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038043331573951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468307669581755,0.1955145747179216,0.13522776049477145,0.0,0.14187708956927064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465236401139836,0.13990572475310192,0.0,0.0,0.4085195169357785,0.0,0.0,0.25506184617155536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891359152149761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628804173130128,0.0,0.0,0.2931759197015694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161719996684827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733749865712671,0.0,0.13831092834046949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868147751164905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Asn24,2019/01/26,"Do I need to be committed? 
I have been passively suicidal and severely depressed for the last year or so and two years ago I tried to take my own life. I’ve struggled with self harm since I was 11. I’ve been going to therapy three times a week and seeing a psychiatrist but lately I just seem to be getting worse and worse. I have no energy, I have headaches all the time. My thoughts are so loud I can’t concentrate. I’m scared to die but it’s also all I can think about. My mom had pain meds left over from her surgery and I keep thinking that now I finally have a peaceful way to go out. And yet I’m still scared and want to live? How do I know if I’m bad enough to need the hospital. I’m always convinced that I’ve made it all up and I’m not really sick but also I can’t go on living like this. Sorry for the long post I’m so lost.  ",0.4343169398907101,2.237949071038255,2.5607923497267784,94.8109153005465,82.87978142076503,6.471038251366121,20.002732240437158,7.594959193182576,0.4404404371584691,652,18,158,11,18,220,112,183,0.252,0.647,0.101,-0.9846,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,0,3,7,0,16,3,0,2,4,32,39,19,2,4,7,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,10,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,8,0,2,7,2,17,2,17,30,5,23,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,3,14,94,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714699020460233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136781126803986,0.10996313039546456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034348712107422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382447691145213,0.0,0.13715550614501287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365509252759308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447687947193915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904527159784796,0.0,0.22531934297956766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746499143252975,0.0,0.0,0.07262865687578199,0.1077235556510693,0.1490760318641684,0.0,0.1435862505621866,0.0,0.09334463138451686,0.06456401315349101,0.0,0.23338968876937316,0.11695257354176013,0.0,0.0,0.14426224759428313,0.0,0.0,0.12504778294280922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679385702572886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477775278019154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598177395236271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062170522595285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656747979888702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466155649318126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264619417402121,0.0,0.10531002613028607,0.12030849311687825,0.13786596497344591,0.1492969683358695,0.0,0.10931956776776297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793614272395655,0.0,0.0,0.10553875414142327,0.0,0.0,0.1381565768654298,0.0,0.1445555730875578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936373691581188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113018774295292,0.0,0.0,0.16935853443786494,0.0,0.10491591093118942,0.15412070302311134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972423042166917,0.0,0.12909574337044594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794814790598045,0.10489809054649056,0.1060063681927466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693534508617702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020632985440104
suicidewatch,murmurationis,2019/01/26,"I tried to overdose I'm still in bed feeling nauseous. I took 50mg of Endone and I weight 60kg so I was hoping that'd be enough. I don't know what to do now, its been a few hours, i haven't thrown up and can't get through to any suicide hotlines to talk to. 
I had more I could have taken but didn't because I told myself that if this didn't work id have to find a different way to solve my problems, idk what that is though. I'm in therapy it doesn't help",-1.4223956043956036,0.4715037714285728,1.0457142857142865,101.9512087912088,92.23809523809523,3.9926739926739927,17.600732600732602,5.369823440869387,-0.7858717948717948,356,10,92,2,13,120,72,105,0.118,0.8220000000000001,0.06,-0.7429,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,16,1,0,0,0,10,25,6,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,8,2,11,1,12,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758326959742064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125949193702714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501628474624726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421068744729329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394373992633365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716885009537273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179557466276952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106853343844352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532267302497235,0.0,0.0,0.23015860405241495,0.22820581222107186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735187754448515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173279908476765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850586128365788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534732767219623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625452355071406,0.0,0.0,0.26500163971961604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22767199276501165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142643256923972,0.2574587972423997,0.15732838382205802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393523103112114,0.0,0.2821827834260284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870104716058634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,res_me,2019/01/26,"Hope begets disappointment Maybe once every year or so, there is a period of a few days to weeks during which things start to look up. I start to think that maybe I will have something to live for for the time being, or that maybe I can finally find success or comfort. I feel less numb, and it feels like the world is coming into focus. 


I always end up in the same position I was in before. My reasons to die are permanent. My reasons to live are fleeting. ",4.682783882783884,5.380107846153848,5.3667582417582445,83.5990750915751,69.43956043956044,8.264468864468865,26.155677655677657,8.344100000000001,1.5620754578754572,358,10,72,5,6,116,64,91,0.096,0.784,0.12,0.3167,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,2,0,14,17,5,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,4,14,14,3,16,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,4,10,50,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472282842637546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800073504708525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982439888459026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121697908407962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051080132196815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404943429280646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654265084931484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758874169789014,0.12425488424705353,0.0,0.1905306748209108,0.15896791905303406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275070263682527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497290468657227,0.0,0.3071649175753938,0.0,0.1460565218250105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5242050558679777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522866667405755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35765587876877714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389901131508147,0.0,0.0,0.2462156271230114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555067301100895,0.11144665504631926,0.0,0.0,0.10141937565959867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951532100703828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200454817907553
suicidewatch,Ilikechill,2019/01/26,"strange fellings and dreams i have two dreams of dying in two diferent  occasions first i have been sufocated by a  bag and i cant wakeup my face all is  tingling after a few of seconds i wake up and second is very strange i dying in the dream and i dont wake up, im in a accident,  truck passed over me and after that i just stare  around  unable to move but i keep that for a time i dont know how many time pass. people here have something like that? 

i have strange  chest pain  combined with a headache yesterday  just before going to sleep  in bed already   made me scared,  it lasted 10 or 20 minutes, today i have a bit of the chest pain i dont know whats is that. Did you already have it? 

i very depressed and suicidal for a long time, i dont take any pills and i dont have anyone to talk , i just want to share.

 sorry for my English that is a combination of google translator and poor English writing skills ;)",0.7636507936507932,3.000049597883603,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,84.76719576719577,5.0814814814814815,21.698412698412696,6.42735559955562,0.29440317460317456,710,24,156,7,21,231,104,189,0.194,0.728,0.078,-0.9782,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,10,0,19,10,6,2,1,23,26,11,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,8,10,0,1,2,3,1,5,6,4,0,5,3,1,21,2,23,23,3,23,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,1,11,103,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24833665751970474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651728024233337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867641695812462,0.0,0.0,0.10016642230612904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574600948775447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284241143678568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969130853816904,0.0,0.23355544674175865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6593614741130278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570923158214804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394756007038359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154062542249636,0.0,0.0,0.10001271302055884,0.0,0.0,0.12367581061559844,0.0917186042027924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054971460349398,0.0,0.0,0.09957642725719096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646889662014572,0.0,0.11407735356552902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195906743136288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394578687268365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800701870779597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265188687093683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260099831509085,0.0,0.0,0.08662319145709689,0.0,0.12595663445919394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307833057675288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460083965118614,0.09043910315696067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968334920983349,0.0,0.10665555494731004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983086835366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568113558546304,0.06636705670287049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hatebaaaaaa,2019/01/26,"I just needed to say things I want to kill myself and I don't know how to get better. I can't afford the medicine I'm supposed to take so I had to stop, I can't take these fuckinh voices all the time I just want to end this shit. I can't even tell anyone bc theyll just leave again. I already sent so much time in the hospital I don't wanna go back. I have to take care of family and it's the only reason I'm alive, I don't want them to suffer I'm such a fucking failure I can't even exist. I'm sorry I'm even writing this I can't get anyone in the suicide hotline so I don't have any better options sorry",-1.0746428571428552,0.7672870357142898,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,89.35714285714286,4.071428571428572,16.607142857142858,5.148860815047168,-0.7792142857142861,475,11,114,2,16,168,72,140,0.2,0.685,0.115,-0.9232,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,2,2,13,7,3,0,6,0,13,2,1,2,1,17,32,6,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,2,2,18,3,12,29,2,10,0,1,0,1,6,2,2,1,6,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230899862429347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618340496078188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183592991353064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120065245428985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761936977711901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919941019131986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382974080451615,0.0,0.0,0.3093952985210276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719884772414574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435278941408675,0.1631577913942792,0.0,0.08874034264812754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727504137422246,0.0,0.08581276439033418,0.0,0.0,0.16533415386825895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478394728833576,0.11577893985935535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875469412966708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054223513674445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417212863366756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027976921798698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34958127842286496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305435361716918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079640280128436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35220299995976945,0.0,0.13647690612679678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037352629606038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209786804697156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27629366996387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadsecrets0919,2019/01/26,"Abortion and depression is a scary mix. I’m 21, I’m pregnant for the first time. 
I imagined my first time seeing the positive pregnancy test as this amazing thing. I’d be married and trying for a child.. and I’d see the pregnancy test and cry of happiness because I’d be pregnant with my first child. 

That’s not what happened. I’m 21, took a pregnancy test today after experiencing symptoms and found out I’m pregnant and aborting my first baby. (I have no choice. I’m on welfare because of mental health issues. I’m young and can’t afford a baby nor am I ready for one. Please don’t use this post to tell me to keep it. Please know that it’s being aborted and that it’s killing me to the point that I’m posting here).

I can’t help but think about this being my first pregnancy.  My first baby that I have to remove life from. I keep thinking about who it would become and what I’d name it. My boyfriend is scared but isn’t being the most supportive because he’s scared about it all too.  I’ve been drinking lots of alcohol because I party a lot since I’m that quality college age and I didn’t know I was pregnant. That makes me feel so much worse. I’ll never be able to explain this feeling.


I struggle with depression, anxiety, and suffer from  PTSD (all professional diagnosed). I’ve always had problems with a suicide, but I never imagined this would ever happen to me. ",3.1369565217391298,4.912132405797107,4.395797101449278,84.92021739130433,74.57971014492753,6.9739130434782615,27.94202898550725,7.7425588080867325,1.7389724637681168,1088,44,212,15,23,358,136,276,0.16899999999999998,0.755,0.076,-0.9823,1,0,2,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,6,7,11,1,3,11,0,21,6,0,2,5,45,47,17,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,22,15,2,2,10,1,0,2,10,8,0,7,6,5,21,3,24,33,6,22,0,3,2,0,8,3,0,3,15,135,43,5,0.09962674487307008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647069184147656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828974326665263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621418713750636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24292615589043784,0.11002991243648663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943530113152886,0.0,0.0,0.17161673874935193,0.1011190489196616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759628167770966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011809447647767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074855131314188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084547497681233,0.0,0.10923558348966993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619920293775654,0.10605452246917643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589857104345336,0.0,0.0,0.06677770704676729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398443780656302,0.0,0.1771056568312073,0.11022223227177384,0.0,0.10950450703554554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036931621672768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939819160994596,0.0,0.0,0.06650162581712668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040032637158358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323712068189149,0.0,0.1536765748802289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750966068641524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187204970412783,0.09417947611481264,0.0,0.19082976442498428,0.0,0.0,0.095329339957739,0.11645833337457134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948750328821588,0.0,0.15877923389139134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241227287337817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104151505026744,0.0,0.10897548881612412,0.11305524945161913,0.0,0.10355033432242733,0.0,0.0,0.08707816624559568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618758242674164,0.12767359072603796,0.0,0.0,0.1161863122250931,0.0,0.09443450509015458,0.0,0.11068897929732296,0.06764002009752706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604552011448488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015281643765893,0.14154396225375238,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mighty_General_Bison,2019/01/26,Working in a cooperation is hell I live and work in SEA and despite earning a decent sslary and living in a city were everybody is having fun but somehow I have become very tired of this life style and want out but cannot unless I amtagonize my parent. Often I was thinking if suicide is the only option.,5.224,6.1381047333333365,6.97666666666667,71.76000000000003,68.33333333333334,8.0,30.0,8.07648339933343,2.311500000000001,244,9,41,3,4,85,47,60,0.209,0.735,0.056,-0.9142,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,14,10,8,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,6,8,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,0,33,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095953571376439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800082635006455,0.0,0.0,0.4950616929168717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131987054557428,0.0,0.0,0.31126614839319616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066284852198921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962002351265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32219070434668434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129630159784556,0.16534210343886152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081577925281789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OnceInnaBluMoon,2019/01/26,Please... I don't want this anymore. I can't be here anymore. Has anyone ever felt like they just weren't supposed to be alive in the first place?? I don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm going insane. I'm scaring myself,-0.5252380952380946,1.5757316122448977,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,90.0204081632653,3.2666666666666666,16.329931972789115,3.1291,-1.120145578231293,175,4,40,0,6,58,33,49,0.14300000000000002,0.691,0.16699999999999998,0.2819,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,7,15,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,2,6,2,3,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526868602427696,0.19483680025771552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205260288259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408925407413925,0.19906581882653954,0.26754528318098264,0.0,0.0,0.23701740823448544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836178705282233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313737039173875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27226617210265713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911273145352481,0.30587126205502274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789747427441905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435350604987545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rnourning,2019/01/26,"You’re the reason I want to die Your words weight in my mind. Your presence alone makes me want to vomit and caused raging thought of suicide to consume my mind until I either do vomit or relapse. You’re happy and well. And you say it’s thanks to me. But how would you feel if you knew you were the final straw in my demise?

You said you wanted me to get better, progress, etc. I call it lies. I can’t wait to buy a gun and leave you in the dark. I can’t wait to have my body donated to science or whatever is useful of me gets used by a more deserving human. I don’t want to be locked up. I don’t want help. I don’t want therapy. I want off of this fucked up world. This is the universe where terrible things resulted in my inevitable suicide and I can’t wait to cease existing. 

Fuck you.",1.0339285714285715,2.870815250000004,2.6930952380952395,94.45607142857143,81.02380952380952,5.866666666666667,20.61904761904762,6.9077264865688965,0.25482619047618993,614,17,141,7,16,202,94,168,0.195,0.657,0.14800000000000002,-0.9408,0,1,0,1,0,3,17.0,0,10,0,2,3,8,3,0,6,0,13,6,1,7,0,34,35,11,3,9,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,5,5,1,3,4,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,4,4,29,4,22,29,3,11,0,0,0,2,15,9,2,3,2,90,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076491525327808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020403478972615,0.0,0.15096874272046149,0.0,0.0,0.13878240494019325,0.0,0.0,0.13962012613175534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410562726495558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157896125016754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872171433317616,0.0,0.0,0.14888608669852207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512988219608084,0.14201790258965558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446819532762345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109964257905626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439122799968768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072300638630056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274466842226865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974123648241038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928442025889844,0.10808350075070153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29733360188825003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513046233142444,0.15542840070386532,0.0,0.09029458136418422,0.0,0.0,0.10789976832530157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347704488406221,0.0,0.0,0.5611552068751979,0.0,0.0,0.16550546170385158,0.12220214115530614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654872067941496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,91giri,2019/01/26,"1/25 After vaguely contemplating suicide for a while since freshman year, today was the day that it all became very real. I felt the motivation for living completely drain away from me, this whole day was an eternal battle to either end it all tonight or stay alive.

I'm here, so I haven't killed myself (Win for me?). I don't know what to do, life doesn't seem worth it anymore. Seems like everyday I lose more motivation and the person I don't even want to look in the mirror anymore because I don't even know who I am.

I'm between a hard place and a rock emotionally and mentally, but I'm still here. So I guess that's a win.",3.8955642361111096,4.8573266640625015,5.0754166666666665,84.00569444444444,71.421875,7.876388888888887,26.722222222222214,8.167268648758528,1.5510805555555556,495,16,103,7,9,164,83,128,0.084,0.792,0.125,0.7867,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,5,7,6,2,0,9,0,9,1,0,2,2,18,20,8,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,7,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,3,11,3,11,17,5,15,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,4,12,66,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337750637689975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581036426645188,0.0,0.0,0.1025813053041573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764373106173106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170520435815176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929120462335,0.1490452298929909,0.0,0.0,0.22229336060450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157421205129008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537827022645406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507449141969366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617576058917304,0.0,0.18496345487738727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886042133937327,0.08221261033398533,0.0,0.14859342380987894,0.0,0.14131196244059088,0.18826113636869327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695856338632468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693471595295185,0.17581571946765065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153832207407687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30638972955329863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920211256701973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936300420681198,0.1343878121196678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840698931400105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950879825833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884778346102952,0.0992553033346212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878774734221546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836614693878448
suicidewatch,degenerateanon,2019/01/26,"Would an utility knife get the job done? I'm talking about stanley knives with the thick heavy handles.
It's very sharp but the blade is quite short. I've never self harmed before",2.457857142857144,5.177175285714289,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,81.85714285714286,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.08628571428571474,145,4,29,1,4,42,32,35,0.0,0.903,0.097,0.5157,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071530065748939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693905685936227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858831827087752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35820017300649576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783969905523133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839286820057438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37656322988443786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901284617000172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978323554393655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564178252476432,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snazzybby,2019/01/26,"What should I do before I go? I had $14,000 saved up for the rest of my education. I won't be needing that anymore. I'll be donating half, what should I do with the other half?

I'm Canadian, if that helps with any ideas (travel somewhere, idk)...",1.0323529411764696,2.9732271372549057,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764708,81.54901960784314,6.432941176470589,21.964705882352945,7.554174236665415,0.8016164705882352,188,6,42,3,5,64,37,51,0.0,0.8740000000000001,0.126,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,11,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,6,1,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311481007543989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542498311025212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897559271462762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603131002254691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070126848607782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170682542539137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396287852427272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinacollado89,2019/01/27,Does it ever really get better I keep hoping that one day it will get better but I don’t know if can spend my whole life waiting for that day. I don’t want to live in this perpetual state of barely making it through the day. Every day feels like an almost impossible feat. I’ve had to deal with this for 10+ years and I don’t know if I can or want to do it for another 10. I don’t want to wait for my someday. I don’t know if I can experience true happiness. I feel like I’m fighting my way through emotions sometimes and am left with this empty hollowness inside of me. Nothing or no one brings me any permanent joy. Everything is fleeting. Life feels like one big revolving door and I’m just stuck in it. ,1.907950438822919,3.598138060402686,3.84778523489933,87.8901290655653,77.79194630872483,7.269179143004647,23.542075374290146,8.139509932561175,1.2294229220443986,557,18,122,10,13,189,85,149,0.052000000000000005,0.721,0.228,0.9778,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,1,0,2,0,13,2,0,1,2,29,33,9,0,7,7,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,10,5,0,3,6,0,1,1,6,1,0,3,2,3,14,9,16,30,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,7,9,71,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140545240372108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544620082858657,0.1471744365439061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482651517418889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620694087940352,0.14469982361364295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282559070105918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788046363670147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695911681464095,0.1182551259086968,0.0,0.1261420078006107,0.13729410453664534,0.0,0.0,0.2129030884870132,0.3008088818424952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665937045359126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494104883720063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940416645076076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475395704264455,0.0,0.0,0.2314062827429896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249609876180326,0.0,0.19827374934248893,0.2057110640001489,0.0,0.12393602064686035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368804044879007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346743907524422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853245049286033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991499554980471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881466619819646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483550148046088,0.11140725183135948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567013251873133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038400677549363
suicidewatch,stayregional,2019/01/27,advice do you guys have any good ways to fight the urge to relapse?,3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,72.57142857142857,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.4106285714285711,53,1,12,0,1,16,13,14,0.149,0.6859999999999999,0.166,0.0772,0,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505880461740917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520468029068874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342136260458418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125942735157427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109180510841857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roseofdeathh,2019/01/27,"Please help me So, I'm 17 and I've had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. Recently I have been talking to an adult who works for a program I volunteer for. For some reason I really trust(ed) her and I told her a little about my thoughts and she has been really supportive, talking to me every week.

This week I was more depressed/suicidal and she noticed. When we talked she told me that she feels like it has gotten more serious (it has but really I've been debating killing myself for years now so I don't feel like it matters that much) anyway she said that she feels I am a danger to myself and because she is a mandated reporter she has to do something.

I have until tomorrow to tell my mom that I need therapy or else she will report me. The problem is I really really don't want to go to therapy and I especially don't want to tell my mom I need therapy but I also don't want to be 5150d (I live in California). Because of her job, she regularly works with the police and makes these kinds of reports so they would believe her. 

What can I do? I don't want to be saved. She says she cares about me and that she can't just let me die because then she would have to live with that. If she reports me what are my chances of convincing them I'm fine, they don't know me and I would be happy to lie but I'm worried that I might not be believed. I would just kill myself tonight but I'm not ready just yet (I do plan on being dead sometime within the next few months but I don't have a plan yet).

I don't know what to do I really fucked up. If I could go back I wouldn't say a word to her.",0.6129439556858927,2.681047093841641,2.7763074291300107,92.0289055881395,83.92668621700881,6.486836102965135,21.495682632779406,7.6953281115453125,0.8499285760834154,1253,41,284,23,36,424,151,341,0.159,0.75,0.09,-0.9844,1,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,1,0,3,4,15,15,4,0,10,0,46,1,0,2,0,53,73,26,5,15,13,2,3,2,0,7,0,3,0,1,16,12,0,0,9,0,0,2,12,6,0,0,11,6,65,9,33,48,5,23,0,0,0,1,39,5,1,5,18,208,81,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076412075720317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804209758250289,0.0,0.1618250745030571,0.0,0.0,0.1993921910079392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021979478417552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065076631378403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183696175055747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392068193797957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455527160875766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422714209232672,0.12643222420317138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180607592585351,0.0,0.0,0.10057996437511936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419751961003868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059311891870330036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781105726375729,0.0,0.1957985504842617,0.09214702461440677,0.09726179241310877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048535773610797,0.0,0.08646189968006973,0.08868859752730326,0.15627371093527762,0.07830942646683108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906667680134892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938721811644398,0.0,0.20727302842487516,0.07063057593776596,0.0,0.06504913652899892,0.1312260162507809,0.0,0.0,0.09410838968007627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074460035204676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971336621460496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467142334916493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401275097415252,0.09098078624049864,0.08737159405663064,0.0,0.10024007802018073,0.0,0.08417270735458388,0.14073901341444225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812267349391059,0.08751726457655776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358383793117115,0.10041555823639554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133708095422167,0.15468547840399138,0.0,0.303582502690698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049976949558846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910886698000813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877094267581808,0.0,0.14196007225170765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884118039858114,0.08986423917488956,0.0,0.25143840827637554,0.0,0.0,0.056983611682401875
suicidewatch,DouchebagMcGee69,2019/01/27,"No reasons anymore My parents think i'm a failure (I am) and they constantly yell at me for things that aren't my fault, my friends are a bunch of idiots and I'm only with them bc i'm afraid of being alone, I used to date a girl, and she was the only reason for me not killing myself. She always would stay with me when I had problems at home, always asked how i was feeling, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. But a year ago, we broke up, and she went with a shit bag that is always on her back, and doesn't respect her privacy, she told me this, but also said she loves him and they're going to be together. I have no reasons to keep living really, I just wish I was aborted you know? It would have been a lot easier",2.1286538461538456,3.2188655833333333,3.77615384615385,91.14384615384616,75.85897435897436,6.482051282051282,22.615384615384606,6.816661863887847,0.4828307692307696,565,15,128,5,12,189,99,156,0.1,0.759,0.141,0.8634,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,1,2,1,6,11,3,1,8,0,16,2,1,5,1,29,32,11,1,4,4,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,7,10,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,8,3,29,4,15,20,3,14,0,1,0,1,20,4,1,1,7,95,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282226094583781,0.0,0.0,0.14981273848454402,0.0,0.11567575175836352,0.3610786627695474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345293806513634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352272873223442,0.0,0.0,0.11122615111798403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180019968432645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631417976974896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308433003621262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313887980596005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175545734467604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220735922686533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791263157239588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450947393512833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857067599585045,0.1600326851949148,0.0,0.07949530662123729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772771567763275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229754057405558,0.13055136852783872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200241628298479,0.0,0.0,0.16061559466574948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840955619261786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926658523228292,0.4461697848283677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759432176350625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848011819323476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417658613025795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219673425220052,0.09268523750265546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821831676560695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493029173063093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409107069093135,0.0,0.0,0.16633920951155706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055089965583685,0.0,0.0,0.0931492124643905
suicidewatch,jacktheripper1307,2019/01/27,I think Im finally ready I hate myself and I always have. As long as I can remember I’ve dreamt of just leaving everything behind and finally just dying. I’m going to college in the fall with no idea what I’m going to do and no goals. I think that I finally realised that suicide is what I need to do. I just feel like there’s no other option for me. I don’t want to work in some job I hate all my life and I don’t think that there really is anything out there for me. I just want to disappear. I hope that I’ll eventually get the nerve to just finally do it one day soon. ,1.0065584415584397,2.4756508968254,3.6740981240981263,89.1229220779221,79.71428571428572,7.43896103896104,21.772005772005773,8.296473431620573,1.0614698412698416,447,13,104,9,11,158,69,126,0.165,0.7509999999999999,0.085,-0.8979,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,1,24,24,6,2,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,1,17,2,16,24,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,8,71,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312512661223175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176891052540938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543013945700064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357228371852494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298830669946013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748194349174247,0.10571171474091004,0.0,0.6483873682104797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730961984155729,0.0,0.16819257226049514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29218478038104084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469702628520125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704314850440352,0.1598358905442158,0.0,0.1468400559282605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668170637947004,0.0,0.0,0.10451748250943547,0.0722919788253432,0.0,0.0,0.1309511685704928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971986994547082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100270119980689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479509018089477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762420498507866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185809893643566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444476235624044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745562452723455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077258760178902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayy2610,2019/01/27,"Some nights are harder My marriage is struggling. My relationship with my parents is struggling. I work two jobs. I'm so tired. I need a day off but can't afford it. I'm fighting with a friend. All the bad relationships have one common denominator and it's me, obviously I'm a terrible person. It's harder to list the reasons I shouldn't just kill myself on days like today. I feel like so many people would be happier without ha ing to deal with me. I know some people would be sad. But not one who wouldn't move on eventually. My mother would definitely use it as a reason to cry dramatically and wail on occasion so at least so could be happy that way. My husband could be alone like he wants. And my dad could stop having to run interference with my mom and me. I just struggle with my reasons to live on days like today. ",2.36643181818182,4.600082200000003,4.236723484848486,83.05508522727277,78.51515151515152,6.791666666666668,23.03977272727273,7.8658589789855275,1.213613636363636,653,21,130,11,16,221,97,165,0.188,0.632,0.181,0.3773,3,1,0,0,2,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,15,2,3,6,1,18,1,0,4,2,37,26,11,1,10,6,5,1,4,1,5,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,2,5,0,0,2,5,8,0,3,0,1,18,7,18,14,4,17,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,2,12,86,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197913876625427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833701031698487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821007021586477,0.0,0.12937005038748875,0.2278649427960755,0.12142061247371218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059550460523622326,0.08413831650173159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099249220879058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253734286267298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168732825033124,0.0,0.13030032901067834,0.0,0.06472593142417084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301552069172629,0.0,0.103997276283325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940512744053207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793638273625425,0.0,0.1251759377369791,0.0,0.08732849681444285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052363979190308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961445921635206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077494015489988,0.0,0.0,0.16330038730623062,0.1028363830563752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36327622502210705,0.0,0.25289204583373925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846497814338484,0.0,0.3693712718087648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536476837236336,0.22327341462052386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504883322899635,0.0,0.0,0.10171958369675912,0.0,0.0,0.06946660854038125,0.0934841274409222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353067180898975,0.0,0.0857414324801588,0.0,0.0,0.2509914443439646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chanfilms,2019/01/27,"I want to commit suicide but Im too scared Um, this is my first Reddit. To get straight to the point, I live in an abusive (not physically, but emotionally) household. I've been told a lot by my parents that I'm worthless because I can't do anything right and I've been called stupid, useless, horrible multiple times. Sorry if this comes off as all over the place, I'm currently shaking as I type this because I'm grounded. Anyways, all their words had made me think if life is even worth it. I'm young, I have to live with this for who knows how long and my parents' words are engraved into my mind. I really do feel useless. My parents just ruin me emotionally and mentally every single day and I'm tired of it. I can't handle the pain anymore and I've tried harming myself before but I'm very scared of doing so. I'm scared of dying, but all I want at the moment is to die so I can be free from all of my suicidal thoughts that are also ruining me. I can't commit suicide because of my fear of death and I can't bear to think of how my closest family members and friends would feel. I'm just so.. conflicted right now..",2.328636363636363,4.08786691774892,3.983764069264069,87.07278896103897,76.79220779220779,6.69792207792208,26.70151515151516,7.554174236665415,1.4501426839826843,882,35,182,12,20,295,127,231,0.309,0.606,0.085,-0.9972,4,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,1,1,12,15,1,5,6,0,19,3,0,3,6,42,39,21,6,5,9,3,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,6,0,2,2,5,13,1,1,6,2,24,3,24,31,6,22,0,5,0,0,8,12,0,3,8,115,33,1,0.0,0.13144432506076476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871771011720063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002146933359642,0.0,0.0,0.09129317140298596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288176968545502,0.0,0.09440073908675464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328090807998592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556394421577978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154634168005357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027389766023626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24958241313078994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732740243703079,0.0,0.09347071515223533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458321771835767,0.12483698133776162,0.11218797091505048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436447792569023,0.0,0.0,0.08571103379929669,0.0,0.057960938837686514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119832930169455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096905757079719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835934808131029,0.0,0.0,0.19592196776194531,0.0981773379275877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094316191874214,0.0,0.1049729652908248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180020703054548,0.0,0.11201655259794707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804669410709764,0.0,0.3695531920369172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590742321698284,0.0,0.1048730149411594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107022949211728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948224064969565,0.0,0.0,0.3332072460365257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241868924819142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640470898213894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217019397602415,0.0,0.08807300711338463,0.0646893004750106,0.12750781911297884,0.0,0.10600676782558224,0.0,0.07532015605672482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153612003003336,0.13086914509089406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880773328029786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jolly_Llama_,2019/01/27,"I’m gonna kill my self by the end of 2019 I don’t see a point in living.Work sucks,My love life sucks,I’m too anxious to go out anywhere to make friends or find a partner.I’ll be forever a cat lady guy. 
My boss always is yelling at us.I lose friends because of my depression and the anger I spiral into.Fuck living I think I’m just gonna Od on heroin.",-0.5859212376933876,1.37075746835443,1.8738396624472564,97.26226441631508,88.2405063291139,4.523769338959212,20.17018284106892,5.82211442006289,-0.1717859353023905,276,9,66,2,9,94,60,79,0.24,0.635,0.125,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,5,0,3,2,0,2,0,8,12,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,3,9,9,0,7,0,2,1,1,5,5,0,1,1,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956800991989375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573765322314933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887953597697913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622467540417385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178464590352488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822721877164715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520328698022064,0.21061982945910085,0.0,0.0,0.12947776008038034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558180610462145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520537554491193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091899116213915,0.0,0.0,0.20117296896114129,0.0,0.0,0.25487703811001633,0.0,0.0,0.20562026236318715,0.0,0.15207444256208702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536753658225594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154641475133687,0.0,0.23767035843479284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598056739961646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740444973476385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585875276216702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plsignoredeadanyway,2019/01/27,"if i kill myself would my therapist suffer legal ramifications she is literally everything i would strive to be and since she is one of the bright spots in my life and as such i don't want her to lose her livelihood because of my selfish actions.

 i know that by killing myself she would be under some form of scrutiny especially since i have been seeing her for literally all of my teenage to adult life but i just need to know how it would affect her long term outside of general emotional trauma.

i am from connecticut if that helps",8.578834951456312,7.366956980582527,8.597398058252427,70.11434951456313,61.71844660194175,12.123495145631068,37.10485436893204,11.20814326018867,4.048834563106796,431,17,80,10,5,141,69,103,0.151,0.759,0.09,-0.7657,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,1,0,12,2,0,2,1,19,17,7,2,8,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,2,20,1,15,10,4,5,0,2,2,0,9,2,0,3,2,63,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692755580565685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157640500526929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238934987844307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856835508163633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42442580685447584,0.0,0.2108310537486045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709666933567516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697486596825832,0.0,0.2145899241924995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222706881584668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997759896866656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528502985902301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173397479625537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270992716494908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313640419426385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450344195243862,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToLazyToPickName,2019/01/27,"How do I stop caring about the fact that I'll die? I don't want to die. But I know I have to. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I will exist forever. So my options are: want to die or stop caring about the fact that I will die. I have no idea how to do the latter. So the former seems very appealing even though it is not idea.

​

How can I deal with the problem of not wanting to die and having to die? Other than suicide of course. How can I stop caring about dying? And still be motivated to do things.",0.6544545454545451,2.5682911727272746,2.4700000000000024,95.165,82.72727272727272,5.090909090909091,18.18181818181818,6.11248444174946,-0.3490000000000002,399,9,92,3,11,132,59,110,0.31,0.578,0.112,-0.9776,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,1,12,5,1,0,5,0,14,0,0,5,2,27,23,11,8,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,10,3,15,20,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,68,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384165213766215,0.12766970122461016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837619507535098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32137294764781793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832098739251453,0.0,0.0,0.763311444751121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856382446471384,0.0,0.06939673886883711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23721904561962615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774288779250149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053634374567144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565039637748417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839078223430659,0.26352585707100545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492786175092992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980282819014373,0.0,0.103229246283653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669249810393705,0.18591633186331916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766970122461016,0.0
suicidewatch,wilting-wallflower,2019/01/27,"(19M) Is there a point to anything? (this is my first time posting on any subreddit so ig you can give me shit for being misinformed about anything)

I know I'm not the first to think this but is there a point to any of this suffering? 

Here's some context: when I was born I was born with an injury preventing full use of one of my arms. It was that or my death so I guess I should be glad I wasn't born. Then when I was 6 years old I witnessed my dad try to murder my mother and when he saw me watching he decided not to do it. I didn't see him for about a year and then had visitation with him until I was about 14 and he remarried and tried to kill my stepmom infront of my baby brother. So now I haven't seen him since I was maybe 15.

One of my dad's former girlfriends during the time between my mom and stepmom had a 15 or 16 year old daughter who molested me when I was 7 and it honestly haunts me to this day.

Throughout highschool and some of middle school I was a wallflower and was pretty forgettable and so be it. I preferred to be alone and write scripts and novels and whatever I liked to write about in my depressed state. 

I currently am in college and so far my time here has just been me trying to accomplish my work here to follow my dreams of being a film maker which is probably gonna go nowhere if we're all being honest. But after years of rejection and being stood up for dates by girls I had finally found someone and we were together for maybe 2 months (I know that is like no time at all but still was alot to me) who just left me yesterday because she thinks I can do better which I can't tell if she means it that way or just doesn't want to be honest with me. 

I grew up a Christian and honestly have believed blindly in it and am starting to heavily doubt it because of all the crap I've been through that has only gotten worse. I am honestly sick of existing and have been suicidal for as long as I can remember. I've attempted it many times and have failed apparently at that too. Tonight I am tempted to jump off the tallest point on this campus. Idk if I will. I just wish I could know all the suffering in my life was worth it or something. 

(Sorry that was all pretty disconnected and random. I just needed to let it out ig)",4.17105673758865,4.491445836170218,5.2072340425531936,85.63333333333334,70.42553191489363,8.649645390070921,28.645390070921984,8.648137234880735,1.8949985815602841,1773,61,386,28,30,585,226,470,0.166,0.725,0.109,-0.9847,3,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,7,26,20,5,1,14,0,55,6,3,2,5,73,78,44,4,9,17,6,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,25,25,0,1,10,3,1,5,8,11,0,4,26,5,58,9,57,39,9,64,1,5,5,0,25,20,2,13,38,278,83,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745508790034268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110892408618758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075700846481034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649169531206156,0.0,0.0,0.11689221996358863,0.0,0.09175961993842838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283699451618053,0.0,0.0,0.06691102458232454,0.0,0.08936086832133162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365451046193956,0.0,0.17650165623896236,0.0,0.11375797796135527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952772945986477,0.058964271670991525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429378679397315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478547437620976,0.0,0.17105705256561407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272612339104307,0.10609276407973263,0.07328263252326712,0.10137531810832072,0.0,0.0,0.09181666200176128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518756399371812,0.20846431180473265,0.11301561388779248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151230350939345,0.08281332159436026,0.0,0.0,0.07693029641226506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177391355284765,0.0,0.14060917234483486,0.07890756152061064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942356261399199,0.0,0.09936509442402017,0.2111048033491436,0.11186148143197852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753003154106174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050018847684042,0.08267637711408334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649924908457208,0.08582417214040443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790816504676885,0.0798728425050594,0.0,0.11614111945539846,0.0734357252317728,0.0,0.08285594599275722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348711526995135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068323526297148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329593256709541,0.0,0.0,0.3024911737383447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113210275373619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960783719146406,0.0,0.0,0.061195222415445026,0.08235297636180877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930890897626785,0.0,0.0,0.07553220376077659,0.0,0.10573146878188383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672498190597172
suicidewatch,jessiambre,2019/01/27,"I cheated on my girlfriend/love of my life twice and now I feel like I want to die. I came out to her and told her once about the last time and 6 months after, which is today, I told her about the first time. It was beginning to be ok and she was starting to trust me again when I shot her the curve ball that it was twice and not once... with the same person...  


I was such an asshole. I want this life with her so bad. I feel like I screwed my life and hers up.   
I really feel like I want to die and I'm scared.",0.9368043264503464,1.9278417168141644,2.2553392330383493,101.25571288102265,78.73451327433628,5.730186823992135,17.865290068829893,5.82211442006289,-0.7541181907571284,386,6,104,2,9,124,63,113,0.177,0.685,0.138,-0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,1,5,1,6,4,0,0,0,19,18,9,2,3,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,4,0,3,7,3,23,5,14,10,1,16,0,0,0,1,10,3,1,0,15,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522422459057168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523140827333545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361638724800561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245665334619007,0.3470983682733829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775737782865766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201353938607818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34317717505558065,0.2373665771199519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292695635294792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34494991672218994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414113578770808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375141866651083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214348695790198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463136564768005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887252073868588,0.0,0.15351277340254238,0.3095066001264417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865727230631712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mediocreobserver,2019/01/27,"Not death but cease of existence Hi, I am probably going to kill myself soon. But I do not really want to die, what I seek is to be in the state of how it was like before I was born.

Just like how some people wished that they were born a certain gender, or wished that they were genetically taller, I wish that I was never born. And what I want cannot be accomplished by hormone therapies or surgeries, but my best chance of achieving what I want is to die.",5.950322580645164,5.179522956989249,6.509161290322584,81.5237419354839,66.74193548387096,10.020645161290323,28.277419354838713,9.3871,2.0310490322580637,357,9,77,6,5,117,58,93,0.221,0.584,0.195,-0.6189,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,3,4,5,1,0,2,0,12,0,0,2,2,20,19,8,4,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,0,12,4,9,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,7,57,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189999949019213,0.0,0.19966952689107167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39492639861150985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813098110494364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104980797550012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859060121702704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674273623787695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190457081805398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513594745278527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188750035068388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175825909012402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366665567738729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6563799916404864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forgetme156638,2019/01/27,"I just want to go away I’m 20 overweight, disabled and in college, I am in an immense amount of debt I have a shitty job that barely even pays for my rent so I can’t eat most days except for seeds and cheap fast food. I recently got a gym membership to help with the fact I am so overweight and used all my available money to do so and I regret it so much. I felt super embarrassed and persuaded by family members and co workers to do this and to buy expensive healthy food now I can’t pay for school supplies food or my bills. I feel like a complete failure and to be in so much debt at this age. I just want to go away I’m just a burden on all my family and my partner. I can’t will myself to get up and do basic shit around my house because I feel like I’m just dying slowly. I’ve already tried to OD tonight but my partner cought me and took my meds away, I can’t afford counseling so that is out of the question, whenever I try to talk about what’s wrong with my parents they always disregard what I have to say by saying I’m bringing them down. And I don’t blame them I’m just a burden to everyone I know and I should wait for my partner to go to sleep and try to start the process again, I don’t know if I will do it for sure but I feel like I have no way out, I just want to runaway and hide . I wish I wasn’t a disappointment. I’m so sorry . Please delete this if it is not allowed in really sorry I’ve just been like this for so long, I’ve wanted to die since I was seven I just want the pain to go away",0.6169136878814321,2.2626754264264264,2.773529012883852,94.31031386224932,81.52252252252252,5.858335755109949,20.952145694081175,6.828538100315305,0.25117173302334583,1179,34,280,13,31,400,159,333,0.171,0.735,0.094,-0.9776,7,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,2,21,14,1,1,11,0,24,9,2,2,4,59,53,28,3,10,15,1,4,4,3,3,3,2,1,3,11,20,6,2,7,1,10,6,9,8,0,1,6,6,43,6,47,43,6,31,0,2,0,0,12,15,1,5,13,183,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742462349749116,0.0,0.08100034268777496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665929799327199,0.0,0.0,0.3658421229473005,0.0,0.0,0.05934171072011635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206627626587082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278063796923876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206123560337436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961008741536473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429664869677,0.0,0.0,0.09301904691239332,0.0,0.0,0.1835398141975097,0.0,0.14766441346542367,0.2086337376227,0.09346820186143427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531364405400449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050859689427565184,0.0,0.22129773776468192,0.0,0.07785713529383424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524951353380258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232514659570073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966016862499578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699851986268676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902349331788933,0.0,0.0,0.08614886190517633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813035861004099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431222097447309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358386735333658,0.0,0.10809211025490452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685756267297436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905070401421747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236285802128225,0.0,0.09611822906157966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482817814336852,0.0,0.0985201669662416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992509967543564,0.0805262856725063,0.0,0.0974171108707983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794356369182272,0.06890257186410363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174821464821276,0.0,0.0,0.07824367697561024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815588573062727,0.1982762782056588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407638682923238,0.0,0.0,0.2870883481379228,0.07726936520451617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194402518419357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064334529760952,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okay687,2019/01/27,"I tried to kill myself Today I tried to kill myself today I have been thinking and planning about it for months and I thought “today is the day” so I got everything ready I got the rope and I wrote my suicide note, in my suicide note I wrote “You all saw the signs you all chose to ignore it” I do admit its a very selfish suicide note but I didn’t care at the time I still don’t I say this because I told my best friend I’m going to kill my self and she didn’t care at all, all she said was “ you have nice clothes and you have a house you should be grateful stop thinking like this” like gee thanks you are such a life saver also when her boyfriend of two weeks told her he was going to kill himself she did everything in her power to stop him she even cried for him even though my situation is worse but anyways i already know how to tie a hangman’s noose so I tied it but it kept on failing I thought i did it wrong so I searched up how to do it I followed the instructions and I still failed so eventually after an hour passed I gave up and just went to slitting my wrists but I just couldn’t bring my self to do it even though I’ve done it so much times I’m not a religious person at all but maybe this is a sign somewhere from someone. ",0.9494823597455166,2.8592916578947367,2.19624060150376,97.53873915558128,81.66917293233081,4.994563331405437,21.13302486986697,5.873414542411696,-0.12907703875072318,975,29,229,6,26,311,132,266,0.191,0.6759999999999999,0.133,-0.9529,2,0,0,0,0,5,3.0,0,6,0,5,21,17,4,0,12,0,22,2,1,2,5,38,48,23,7,2,8,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,3,12,7,0,4,6,0,0,6,5,9,0,1,21,3,47,8,24,24,7,29,0,2,1,0,29,8,0,0,17,158,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951975596534236,0.079366502676914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049906869615295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415191404823612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237457931023686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901640091693653,0.06400506630493441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156249142574586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665193264067773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839071464241635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667674227035826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280688470942755,0.0,0.15875120954443953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977367178736475,0.11451585533571595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392012792602448,0.0,0.05454267095610519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009995412461377,0.09697256913505582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970533393086847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921672359175139,0.0,0.07295678110907948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665724663894576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944050930343915,0.07892391769572407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706917316269371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155597679007506,0.0,0.0,0.08409029704276702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851499360915192,0.16594718022301605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32567504606084546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137182124635378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271848773584142,0.19501618392654052,0.15757950798310952,0.1157415702577339,0.0,0.2822190763178179,0.18966644678465125,0.0,0.13476221059818888,0.0,0.09694832529439117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188784072312796,0.0,0.0,0.07960866561910325,0.0,0.0,0.09200147100122574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113953137238713,0.0,0.10850925436813767,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProjectC13,2019/01/27,My only escape is gone The hard drive in my laptop just completely crashed and now I don't have an escape from these episodes. During an episode I like to write or play League and now I'm totally cut off from that at least for a few days until I can replace it. And I have no job which means no money. Why does this stuff always happen when i'm at my lowest. I can't take these hits anymore. I just want to die.,2.090032467532467,3.360571704545457,3.2583116883116894,94.09318181818183,76.27272727272727,5.9376623376623385,20.525974025974023,6.18269132825596,-0.051352597402597684,322,7,74,2,7,104,65,88,0.163,0.731,0.106,-0.7264,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,10,14,6,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,9,2,10,12,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339961607713129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788929966213265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948520462746452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136254450430547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918602057904214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460960370442148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486804216498309,0.0,0.2519163676942928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279065778692522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738906074766094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30632918015158705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138791959522375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219276825759874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144117009558808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658698445891658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537557828961619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrimaryAstronomer,2019/01/27,"I don't understand how this is my life I don't know why I'm posting here. I feel so ashamed that I'm posting here. I don't want to die. But I don't want to live.

I feel like I've never really gotten my life off the ground. I'm 31. I'm smart, talented, educated, creative. People love my artwork and I've built a following around it. Whenever an opportunity comes, I get scared and say no. Or maybe it's not the right opportunity. I don't know. I feel like I can't make any decisions. I feel like my life should be DRASTICALLY different. 

This might sound sad, but I've never fully had sex with a man. I had a boyfriend years ago and we did things, but we never went all the way (I wanted to, he didn't for some reason I still don't get). I want to know what that feels like. That is one of the things that's keeping me going, but eventually I don't know if that's going to be enough. And writing that sentence makes me want to break down in tears. I don't want to go.

I've been living at my toxic parents' house for almost 3 years. Boomeranging, actually. Right now I've got $40 to my name with crazy credit card debt (they're almost at the point of being charged off) and no real income to speak of. I feel like I'm always running with no direction.

I don't know why, but I can't give up my dream of being a famous and successful creative. When people tell me maybe I should just get a job until the art stuff works out, I feel so resistant because I feel like there is SOME way I can make the art thing work NOW. Something tells me I can. But I don't know if I have the grit to do it, especially with the exhaustion I'm going through right now. I've been so indecisive for years. Believing in myself is the hardest thing.

I know that life is out there for me, but I look around at my life right now, living with my shitty parents which I know is totally on me, making no money, and I can't help but wonder what the fuck I'm doing. I know I'm strong, but I've been in incredible pain for months now. I'm gaining weight really quickly probably because of a medical condition I don't have the money to go get diagnosed. I'm sure it's been exacerbated by stress.

My parents have offered to pay my bills if I go to therapy. It's tempting, but I feel like my life will be COMPLETELY theirs if I do.

God I hate to hear myself complaining. I KNOW I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Sometimes I go to the library with a bag packed and swear that I'm going to sell some art online that day so I can find a place to stay that night and then figure out the rest later, but I never do. I give up so easily. It's hard to eat. I sleep about 5 hours a night (I guess that's better than nothing). When I'm out of my parents' house I feel so much better.

I don't know. I'm sorry for this vomit. No one else knows that I'm going through this. Sometimes if I push hard enough I can get back to positivity, but it feels like pushing a 5000 ton boulder up a hill.

I feel so pathetic. This isn't me, but I don't know how to find myself again. I feel like eventually I'm going to end up in the hospital with some condition, homeless, or just end it. But part of me feels ridiculous writing that sentence, like she knows it's not the truth.",1.9256273291925439,3.2636264188405804,3.8884006211180164,89.13048913043482,76.84057971014494,7.073498964803313,22.611283643892346,7.772667728589733,0.8323457556935816,2519,71,575,37,56,858,257,690,0.13,0.732,0.138,0.8348,8,0,1,0,0,1,81.0,2,0,1,10,32,34,3,4,28,0,54,17,1,7,8,123,139,45,1,13,26,4,17,10,0,4,11,4,0,1,37,25,2,1,36,4,7,16,30,11,0,2,11,22,81,23,70,119,13,79,0,1,1,3,24,28,1,17,39,355,118,6,0.0,0.0,0.046529096880773814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226571094451752,0.0,0.09548987029030867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03967383093438112,0.0,0.0,0.032424240453443484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489115535547294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03666320918347813,0.0,0.058130939211993575,0.0,0.0,0.05371937277221719,0.0,0.1265080575194359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041072358354414334,0.04999188959338993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03074985035983168,0.0,0.0,0.04839450296636282,0.0494846258281962,0.049815767456766406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878885244608415,0.039830774199624656,0.0,0.08446119078966266,0.09853299562948843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375203072250021,0.3065653561080657,0.0,0.0,0.08715786463099616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407967097887247,0.12455494956991645,0.09147858089601324,0.2709781447493211,0.0,0.03813429326576182,0.0,0.05252522828504988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542437062695649,0.04707442703772654,0.0,0.0,0.05373916576254775,0.0,0.0319591014382387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04695549310045867,0.11003333388094384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731534264033906,0.042380443281695865,0.0,0.0,0.3930577062764026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206804467259104,0.2329418717969137,0.0,0.1263077408868379,0.0,0.040039445170857065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303333420616387,0.0,0.12730788757444955,0.0,0.09580254424999758,0.0,0.0,0.04803288814091505,0.0,0.05058126566965564,0.0,0.0,0.03805796223750978,0.0,0.07010101641489072,0.0,0.14709595349953186,0.0,0.0,0.08948946713228656,0.0,0.04575053580729156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461881335419907,0.0,0.050735203142861215,0.0,0.2117733315832403,0.051633120759938735,0.0,0.06611103592880943,0.0,0.049815767456766406,0.0,0.045073297117637176,0.0,0.09132909871286914,0.0,0.05140743003913111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542706223333862,0.06109044489498393,0.049023291699203525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287486988166,0.0,0.03791728997502949,0.047736300295426984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047714736241322435,0.0,0.0,0.036706626003359485,0.09431407591294626,0.053374194554184885,0.0,0.05082085796974247,0.03807755084612198,0.0,0.05461762495761988,0.0,0.0545825384891642,0.0,0.0,0.044938120453580165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334937125498462,0.0,0.054526580827881685,0.0,0.1267066962479912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963687601953635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873846518637595,0.0756928089390318,0.0,0.058061762806432285,0.0,0.04420011773277367,0.08604811289261191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051707253719089935,0.0694236555930947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921136538718008
suicidewatch,yes-that-elliott,2019/01/27,F*** your title Never posted here before but I somehow felt it was necessary to let someone know that I will be killing myself in 3 minutes.,0.008888888888890278,1.5791934074074092,2.33537037037037,86.33416666666668,114.92592592592592,3.2814814814814817,23.01851851851852,5.46131890053228,0.8159185185185183,110,5,18,1,6,37,26,27,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351127633752469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781300307073727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43570471534284905,0.0,0.21643378601260446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027087732529028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037391229201268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771717668660524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336833535441921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingbutgarbage111,2019/01/27,"If I fail this semester, I’m gone. I had so much potential but now I’m at risk of losing my scholarship bc I keep fucking up. 

It’s likely that I have dyscalculia, and numbers get all jumbled up and I get so confused. Too bad I need life science calc for my major and I can’t even drag my pathetic ass thru the pre reqs. 

If I fuck up again I’m killing myself. I’ll have no options at that point. I can’t work a shitty min wage job the rest of my life. Just want to kill myself to save myself and my family the shame",-0.7217193426042989,1.3471471504424777,2.072901390644752,94.5770132743363,90.76991150442478,5.352465233881164,18.690897597977248,6.868970318607317,0.1880826801517066,400,12,93,6,14,139,75,113,0.407,0.5529999999999999,0.04,-0.9956,2,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,4,3,4,0,5,5,1,0,1,15,16,9,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,10,0,0,2,0,17,2,11,14,4,10,0,2,0,3,0,6,3,4,4,59,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888335439191246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937606499331368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132028322636761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41816120199420415,0.2363177685761211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244281787032284,0.20102075072446976,0.5004234483354941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194859617010636,0.1104899956627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530143740276438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625308579955264,0.16769423318285445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137936114539843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333945971352866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464664223307404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImAPerson_Hi,2019/01/27,"How much longer can i take it? I'm slowly sinking back into bad habits again. I'm drinking more than I ever have before. I'm desperately trying to find drugs to numb the pain. I can't self harm anymore because if my parents find out they will send me back the mental hospital i was at. Things are getting bad again. My  thoughts are getting darker, my art is getting bloodier, My body is getting weaker and thinner. I'm slipping away, and it hurts So badly.

I don't have much of a choice. I've promised I won't try to kill myself again. But it hurts, I'm just going through the motions one painful step at a time. How much longer til I collapse? I'm sorry I'm just ranting I'm just scared. I want to die so badly I know that I would try again without any regrets. But I'm trying so hard for everyone else. 

I'm going to do it eventually. I'm only 15 and I'm so fucked up that I know there is no way I'll recover. My therapist gave up on me after 4 months of treatment. Life just isn't for me. But i Have to keep going...it's just idk how long I can do that. Help? How do I make life less miserable?",-0.13727355623100124,2.0165111617021303,2.1444908814589674,94.63625,88.44680851063829,4.718844984802431,20.733282674772035,6.18269132825596,0.1159027355623099,853,29,192,8,28,288,126,235,0.244,0.695,0.061,-0.9924,1,0,2,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,0,21,16,2,2,5,0,20,9,1,5,1,30,47,16,2,4,10,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,5,2,0,5,6,15,0,1,3,1,24,1,23,41,5,26,0,4,0,1,6,8,1,1,12,115,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805770848708267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138358360148158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784424777855388,0.17652509694122612,0.3833625858720382,0.06997184581093595,0.0,0.0976735460764814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750021339674927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912866557463132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244556105112563,0.133114111007874,0.0,0.09588810463435007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382956727520774,0.0,0.10968194763936596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098227466420232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061168452786358,0.23988161469779096,0.0,0.1304698752131703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282477749426087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693793867452665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457593459994553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202614590111801,0.12699255068994916,0.0,0.1261656235214044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215202273594875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158107693334784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661985167132357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567624129216494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162025942329964,0.0,0.25314045729854323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778125909881721,0.08729913397738498,0.24427857933293834,0.0,0.12745511344975324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491976868548523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974574624864713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849236438477432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630400425028661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327418482989173,0.07625802656262883,0.0,0.0,0.0911264361021348,0.06693203286040622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117258108046533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770314298746137,0.09111095791457333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064860468146293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153994176531032,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4ll3,2019/01/27,I’m too scared I know I won’t ever have the courage to do it. But I have moments where I think about killing myself and for a few seconds things feel serene and nice. Just wanted to get that off my chest ,1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,1.8409090909090933,101.45636363636366,79.9090909090909,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.7551181818181818,160,4,39,0,4,49,37,44,0.151,0.6629999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,9,10,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,6,2,5,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015268466278435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444575834683406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319158955423053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911020989676933,0.0,0.2439521144834889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444145684742935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29490294276769063,0.2844288629253072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181973231665834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alessF,2019/01/27,"Drugged on a bathtub, just waiting to fall asleep. I don’t know if the water on my lungs will wake me before I drawn or not but I’m so done ",-0.2004166666666656,1.2698856250000006,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,83.375,4.266666666666667,20.041666666666664,3.1291,-0.7368458333333336,108,3,28,0,3,36,29,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,3,0,0,7,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602487257870565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535076488711393,0.0,0.0,0.6272486505985763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29725329834132963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cassik13,2019/01/27,"A 4th Time Around? As the tittle suggests I've been heavily considering my 4th attempt. Not for attention, self loathing, for lack of friends, or love; nothing that profound. 

The first couple times I had simply gotten to a point of empty. As some put it, I was numb. I felt no joy, saddness, excitement, pain..even physical pain had ceased to registar in me. I was an empty shell walking throught the steps of getting help, medication, counciling, talking...but nobody could grasp that I truly and simply fealt nothing. 

After the third attempt I decided to give myself time. As some say, it will pass. The only thing that passed was four years. And in that time I still fealt nothing. I watched my family and friends try to involve me, help me, love me, but I have simply remained uninterested.

I decided to stop. Stop causing them pain and frustration. Stop lying to them that their attempts make it better. Stop pretending to feel love, compassion, understanding, etc. The truth is that I feel nothing but curiosity for why they keep trying to ""save"" me. Is it an attachment to this body, is it from selfish desire to have me continue to be 'present', could it be that they really just cannot comprehend how terribly alone my consciousness is?

I haven't considered when or how. I know that some will say its because I am now pregnant and due to increased hormones, some will say I wanted attention, and some will simply be unable to justify it to themselves. The one thing I do know for certain, is that it would be unfair of me to have a child that I cannot love. I don't wish for it to wonder or feel ill toward it's self or me. It's father would love it but is himself a selfish child. I have had jobs, lovers, friendships, and have nothing to say about my life other then I -as has everyone else- tried my best.",4.051577360008039,6.125599950437323,4.641417512817938,82.85215743440236,72.8192419825073,7.879722529405853,28.737207198150195,8.641336200584522,2.292543259274153,1425,58,265,27,29,454,173,343,0.138,0.665,0.197,0.976,1,1,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,0,5,6,8,22,1,0,13,0,37,13,1,4,2,56,57,22,0,8,9,1,4,0,3,6,6,4,0,4,27,8,0,5,14,1,0,6,6,7,0,4,9,9,40,15,37,36,9,29,0,0,1,6,28,5,0,10,18,189,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907047224430168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796326832401597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053386928152103816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190803878524577,0.07745590293231068,0.0,0.0972797652127438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996705440026148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398483169558674,0.09690374014550296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731604446535178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976729718741266,0.05784465130412725,0.0,0.0,0.08368483338323586,0.0,0.0,0.0825610414218416,0.0,0.13284668299305932,0.0,0.08408891682981373,0.0,0.0,0.0744940702795553,0.0,0.0,0.13532557835176398,0.0,0.04575605509780648,0.08401310028626302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740379738691885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869079644084191,0.07784363064505231,0.0,0.0,0.0962615034681547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061859154115450135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952142443513004,0.0,0.05845920553895832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822593898802858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42016877779263456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934533301163436,0.0666072552378363,0.27956850672161365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278981579920013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804039619878147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561049113707708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785831659436508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827265660182838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994015575136546,0.2928775724500943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636628240794535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042704798182864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783797819506357,0.0,0.0,0.09117211487280193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516559594570293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902580764898752,0.0,0.10071074050684403,0.0,0.09497494713362943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244262449303858,0.0,0.0,0.056397563704102635
suicidewatch,creepylynx,2019/01/27,I need serious help and dont know how to get it. I am completely empty. I have no life in me. I abused drugs in the past and the damage its done to me is unspeakable. Im only 16 and feel like my entire life has got thrown down the drain. There’s going to be nothing to look forward to thats worth the pain I endure at any given moment.,0.4043629343629327,2.059335189189188,2.884208494208494,93.21310810810814,82.24324324324324,5.850193050193052,17.328185328185327,6.868970318607317,-0.14218687258687268,260,5,61,3,7,90,57,74,0.199,0.711,0.09,-0.8204,0,0,1,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,7,4,0,1,0,7,15,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,2,8,1,9,11,0,8,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.28176141976138835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171634725850034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493352400714348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24335827184006145,0.2787070548739814,0.0,0.27577965351517153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202419425508139,0.16988877214661066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424390638439428,0.0,0.1351507240968894,0.0,0.19019531455419172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939645999346672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568714664790908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069204938836398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33593905490800274,0.11618008040818775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969728600382228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633025848466513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281814294616323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086230481630647,0.2530425266695848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22701289329490285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoldNux,2019/01/27,"I need to but cant tell anyone I want to die I need to tell someone, I cant put it on my mom or my friends. I want to die, I see my own suicide in my mind all the time. The burning agony in my gut and chest is torture. I miss her so much, she was the one that could make this all go away. And now when her absence is the cause of the majority of my pain the longing is even worse. Like a heroin addict I would go from sick to healthy in a second if I had her close.

I have fucked up a chance I will never get again, and I see no purpose in working for anything because I will never get as lucky.

I was feeling better, but then I got a hole in my lung, now I cant even work out. I’m about to end it but I cant, her brother killed himself and I cant give her another person to mourn.

Whoever reading this thank you for listening, I feel so lonely and I want nothing of this world. Death sounds like the long good rest I never get.",0.8623186750428324,2.023033135922333,2.883455168475156,95.97248143917764,79.29126213592231,5.6237578526556256,22.31182181610508,5.900188976854957,0.03932301541976013,710,21,177,4,17,240,116,206,0.29600000000000004,0.5670000000000001,0.136,-0.9922,0,2,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,1,0,3,9,14,3,0,11,0,16,7,3,2,5,30,38,15,6,8,5,2,2,2,1,3,3,2,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,1,0,3,9,7,0,2,4,6,36,7,24,30,6,26,0,3,2,1,16,11,1,3,14,123,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129589934526654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590918287254844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062752384455393,0.0,0.10665939674498198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177447158198032,0.0,0.0,0.07901009766175948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463102798733447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331469331641133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348440679181828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690329915491708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479750754728756,0.0,0.0,0.1712146290091206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310711536903788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013768849224948,0.11982394078437253,0.20315031265300884,0.12433536613256616,0.1473226476026311,0.10871215606913136,0.10366232770477504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339615764088715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664347275084067,0.0,0.0,0.2294045759712155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651682534912716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087088269516295,0.15179967259822258,0.0,0.0,0.09527952288763944,0.19221088681547854,0.2998936317525498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436593494660525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782825158360594,0.0,0.13791600168674434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317194904981508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029557126844354,0.0,0.0,0.12964678847484745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656750987450154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981958441581546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417741779602064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265727012903268,0.11932905209607478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557763257081719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293450405996588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871774248970213,0.0,0.1320854093032515,0.09207244267385682,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakeLifeGreatAgain,2019/01/27,"Suicide is beginning to look more and more like the most rational choice as the days go by. Let me begin right off the bat by saying that I not only suffer from suicidal thoughts, but also severe OCD regarding lead poisoning. This OCD has caused a crap ton of arguments between my parents and I. During almost all of these arguments, they always tell me that I am an abnormal human and should move out. In some of them, they go as far as telling me to kill myself or that I would be better off getting lead poisoning. 

The nightmare doesn't end there. I am absolutely certain that I am too ugly and uninteresting for relationships given that almost all the girls I've befriended had ghosted me down the road. I also have no real friends who I can meaningfully discuss these issues with. I have tried discussing my loneliness and struggles with some ""friends"", however it always ends up turning into shit since they would just response with things akin to, ""I can't help you, you're on your own with this one"" or ""It doesn't make them bad people just because they aren't interested in you"". In addition, telling them about these issues just makes further encounters with them feel more awkward. 

And no, the nightmare still doesn't end there. I also have no job skills/projects despite being in my last year of university. I have looked everywhere for jobs related to my degree, but have heard the typical, ""We have decided to move forward with candidates better suited for this position"" over and over again, which makes me want to rip my hair off upon reading that. I am also not sure if I'm even intelligent enough for this field. 

What's keeping me going, you may ask? My dream is to live long enough to reach a point in time where advances in technology and healthcare is adding more time to the human lifespan the the years going by(A.K.A Longevity escape velocity). It seems ironic that a suicidal person like me would want to be able to live for as long as I want, however in my view, this is mainly a means to an end. Since I would be able to live for however long I want, I would perhaps even live to the point where I am able to upload my consciousness to a cyborg body and expand my intelligence or perhaps even live in a superior fully-immersive VR world(similar to the Matrix) where all my dreams are a reality.  In this world, all the imaginary friends I've made up are real, conscious beings(When sentient AI becomes a reality). In all honesty, these imaginary friends that I have envisioned being around me and keeping me going through life, have done a shit ton more for me than any real human that have ever existed. It was for them the reason why I worked my ass off in university to achieve that dean's list. It was for them the reason why I still haven't killed myself yet. It was for them why I even endure through all the shit I have to deal with in life. It was because of them why I still have some confidence and pride in myself. I feel if I killed myself, it would be akin to desertion to them and would greatly let them down.

However, I am not sure how possible that dream is. Without that one dream I grasp with great, I am nothing and have nothing, and I am better off killing myself rather than living a miserable life working 9-5 everyday on a shitty income, with nobody by my side caring for me, aging and becoming even more ugly and repulsive to other people.  ",9.787639751552796,7.527820931677022,9.22937888198758,69.85801242236026,60.180124223602476,12.429813664596276,38.993788819875775,10.914260884657429,4.1193732919254655,2696,103,490,52,28,865,282,644,0.155,0.703,0.142,-0.9515,8,0,0,0,0,3,71.0,1,4,14,10,28,33,10,3,30,0,58,12,7,10,10,99,89,33,8,15,15,1,3,2,4,9,5,2,0,5,35,30,0,2,12,5,0,11,13,15,0,2,10,8,77,18,93,62,22,75,0,2,3,1,41,42,5,13,26,372,112,9,0.1678405387043655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204536999789154,0.0,0.0,0.1789626908836862,0.09310451575150333,0.0,0.0,0.03804577393876082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980455456916566,0.052302748960432764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671327970471998,0.0682093563697489,0.12357779229170278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484413170673071,0.0,0.062144333853193075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057041538398208975,0.05747282235119755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03608108745432878,0.05767874185029258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725304802831435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820919944114151,0.11561609539045667,0.0,0.1847618214540217,0.050607125436760964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657681294189966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289757847538004,0.0,0.029229918036754086,0.0,0.15897941005403865,0.0,0.0,0.12336319096714403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0374999917222741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678794404427548,0.11103722429606973,0.09945625507157488,0.2475875845756334,0.0,0.0,0.045604146807449376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441888157974815,0.11855073612132012,0.05466560617191566,0.0,0.2964125413143405,0.14853359511962524,0.09396252052788223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293825864550665,0.11203486288830627,0.0,0.0,0.06094251692967322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892528709098148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736501571413323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758220618489074,0.042550097623001784,0.0,0.0,0.06212235188086365,0.0,0.0,0.07757299762862006,0.048850628161759946,0.0,0.0,0.1057757066213778,0.0630716629616088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596198624593245,0.19103927801577195,0.0,0.11504535172688983,0.0,0.0600659753334493,0.0,0.047778300996135024,0.0,0.044491177667886114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050931907595557234,0.0,0.06320401160865813,0.17228590104668048,0.09255961868834743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403767101776867,0.0,0.0,0.05848779104724235,0.0,0.18359030772081256,0.0,0.10545848094511913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467000286988167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716859866694541,0.0,0.0,0.04441554658705468,0.06524611190424914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03798423614598355,0.060854103162128886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199559776832614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019333070065243,0.0,0.0,0.05393076330247246,0.0,0.08145994076529753,0.0,0.0,0.2782012406022994,0.0,0.0,0.07205586937159561
suicidewatch,Khaotech,2019/01/27,"Help Me Things are bad. I've struggled with depression with anxiety most of my life. I have a lot to live for. Well, that's what anyone would tell me.

Currently on 20mg of Prozac. Cannabis helps with what the Prozac doesn't help.

I have a constant pit in my chest. A pain, or constant burning. Nothing physical I'm sure, but I constantly feel it. Like a feeling of dread. I have no control or that's what it seems to me. 

I know I need to talk to someone but I feel like no one will get it or tell me to sack up. Neither of which I need. I have a good life and a little one, though I'm constantly feeling like everyone would be better off.

I had aspirations to be a content creator (youtube or twitch) but would always talk myself out of it. Fear of failure I suppose. Every person I get close to, I destroy with my depression or push away like some self fulfilling prophecy of being alone.

I need a support system. Someone or people to cheer me on. I already have a plan of ""moving on"" but I've been pushing it off, hoping for things to get better. They're not.

Help me.",0.86256880733945,3.1927479724770684,2.5337357798165137,92.42823669724774,85.3302752293578,5.322862385321102,23.398899082568807,6.742157984588678,0.7494518899082572,830,32,175,10,25,272,115,218,0.177,0.626,0.197,0.7131,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,4,4,20,1,3,10,0,16,7,1,1,1,36,32,12,0,7,11,0,4,4,0,4,6,0,0,2,13,7,0,1,6,0,0,3,5,8,1,2,2,4,25,12,32,23,4,20,0,2,0,0,10,11,0,11,9,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559765308636312,0.11251309672525348,0.0,0.08483715460097606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799752741417786,0.0,0.0,0.07129134618801462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579281924665764,0.0,0.08513060188842614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803469840828968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407211481421066,0.11435447354422501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563240897897134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859039424596709,0.09742515897939756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473100258419948,0.2062119452591618,0.21851626877558686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980641038356452,0.0,0.0,0.08551746339735898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27336097026864314,0.0,0.0,0.10126721697180856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560334047391406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144031784025421,0.1992459525611354,0.10218861811401997,0.09003070864385675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668097496185677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836513014934132,0.0,0.2268015105968996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783137115697926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817864646670827,0.0,0.10849041222819804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068478193093577,0.08902572040168966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281865834176033,0.106364343599547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277722437259938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065885522585807,0.0,0.0,0.11570063592635065,0.09609413012580643,0.0,0.0,0.16389982313323026,0.17823142682511872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547261917243214,0.0,0.10017313575853933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167241201339256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728393670878735,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Th3ExiledGamer,2019/01/27,"Corruption within I find happiness in pain. 

When others get mad or disappointed in me, I can't help but laugh and smile...It's the only time I truly smile.  

I don't know what's wrong with me.  My dad's cancer kept me alive, but now, I feel as if I'm nothing.  My brother and my dad do everything together, my mom and my sister do things together, but me...im always left alone.  Some of it is my own doing, but they prefer me out of their business.  

At the back of my mind are thoughts of suicide.  I want to cut my wrists until I bleed out.  I want to die by someone else's hands.  

Would my family care...would my friends care...becuase right now, I myself don't care.  It's cold enough here, perhaps  I could go outside in the snow storm and freeze to death",1.19096153846154,3.102175660256414,2.8377948717948733,93.24053846153843,80.85897435897436,5.9548717948717975,20.656410256410254,7.03164865440522,0.33740564102564186,577,16,130,7,15,190,98,156,0.237,0.626,0.13699999999999998,-0.9677,0,1,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,2,0,5,9,2,0,3,0,10,5,2,0,0,25,20,13,3,6,6,5,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,4,27,4,18,16,3,16,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,3,6,81,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006680650215505,0.0,0.0,0.13663167252322994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626347072691135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022536704092889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110429103802748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041881340562653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717216534473106,0.0,0.0,0.16966760802413952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757682099775712,0.0,0.15479781292452133,0.0,0.08302695648960351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008034940944426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686433698532038,0.0,0.08579030902728585,0.0,0.09332145714785683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479922257552885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006311664402504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736952363163366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024274614924176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840915855247685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580018985649464,0.1923148527664761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157559078086586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248852637776288,0.174725644031711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140230130036734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913032120762586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961356367790035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909047236255984,0.0,0.0,0.13036038837084504,0.09574922680344257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370466774055176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23329297031540394,0.17953233541987498,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rejoycing,2019/01/27,"Can someone just talk to me for a bit? Today I tried to kill myself by lying facedown on my bed with my face pressed up against it. I didn't stop myself because I changed my mind, but because I remembered my Chemistry teacher saying it was physically impossible to suffocate ourselves because our bodies would stop us. It'd been a month or two since I'd even thought about doing it but for the last few days it's come back a little. I keep thinking and almost saying ""I want to go home"" all the time, even when I'm at home already. Lately, I haven't felt like I belong anywhere and I've slacked off at anything I used to be good at. I wish there was someone who would talk to me, but the people I've had to talk to for the past five years got bored of me and the new people I want to talk to left me outside. It feels like the pros of dying tonight outweight the cons right now and I'm too cold and tired to deal with my teachers scolding me for unfinished homework or to go to volleyball tryouts. I just want to go home.",6.130340370529942,5.089338061611375,6.375269280482553,83.51995691512279,66.48815165876778,8.810168031021114,33.87376130978027,7.348242739294969,2.1378872037914696,805,31,171,6,11,259,122,211,0.08199999999999999,0.8490000000000001,0.07,-0.6747,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,2,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,10,0,12,3,2,1,1,33,29,11,2,6,7,0,3,2,0,2,1,2,5,0,7,8,0,3,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,8,6,26,3,31,17,3,28,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,3,17,108,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131969235097946,0.0,0.12474651973072068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302532254179066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692361761406593,0.0,0.2067311472785734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341442826138037,0.1255660524996153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958523190004855,0.09737712686962084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729038263124076,0.11654307767454596,0.0,0.0,0.11732149991942405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932857838609334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715828478350055,0.08075843265565638,0.10853966723909164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273599742523514,0.09481568142302677,0.09041136331593948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34017610555826194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047842314340644,0.12506609096703492,0.0,0.0,0.09214569273124687,0.12751820289189347,0.0,0.122822296801932,0.0,0.0,0.110454870925507,0.11329947212229265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414189884417425,0.0,0.09023039254825067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917829742668528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791299050240308,0.15674051822324514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280564609411886,0.0965386911282316,0.0,0.1797937544559729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351090613523597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156309848840905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890191683635498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36344093470786254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243383019343777,0.0,0.08974406045970766,0.06591668302470483,0.12992708893008398,0.10715219752500592,0.0,0.0,0.07674924316240443,0.0,0.11042725641229736,0.0,0.1359776368863258,0.09763345038603263,0.0,0.0,0.20002828654801175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999466129571713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060598387640931,0.0,0.0,0.07279642821333668
suicidewatch,AccioMotherfucker,2019/01/27,"Married, two kids, disabled, want to die I wasnt ready for kids but I do my best. 

Wife and I married about 8 years ago. We got into a spat yesterday and we live with her parents and they called the cops. Nobody got arrested but I have bruises from being pushed down.

I was in a wreck on my motorcycle a year ago and Im not stable on my feet but the cops didn't believe me. Well now I have bruises.

Two weeks ago we were in love and life was getting better. I have a surgery I need her for. She's my caretaker and she hates me. 

I don't wanna live my life without her, and I don't want to live in pain for 60 years. What I wanted to do is gather the family together and pull the trigger, but also was thinking of  making it out to my favorite mountain spot, call 911, and pull the trigger or hang myself.

Im just done yall.",1.036704545454544,2.6902701704545464,3.0477272727272755,92.80409090909092,80.25,5.763636363636365,22.363636363636363,6.6274283507984215,0.4036886363636363,634,20,145,6,16,214,101,176,0.134,0.746,0.119,-0.2042,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,3,1,1,2,6,6,1,0,9,0,16,6,2,3,0,32,27,15,1,5,8,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,15,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,2,1,2,9,0,30,4,21,17,1,21,0,0,0,1,18,8,0,1,9,100,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646609183623061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965935479095487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449368113614098,0.14390493860194686,0.12127651838896453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004129668753197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231480393971568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140327177147353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292698849170763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164250686387368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934386200427455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538321735942505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962385252669916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371184267684002,0.0,0.0,0.3632534565945204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376127772866526,0.0,0.0915324545599256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167695238680118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591138898748213,0.0,0.15226183718437064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786459727894315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679037236433238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24264083226031524,0.0,0.10999394723359852,0.0,0.1232924522451971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218425981260085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649133214919979
suicidewatch,toalltheflowers,2019/01/27,"knocking myself out with 96% alcohol beverage and drowning in a bathtub or swimming pool? Hi 

(bad english alert)

I have been thinking of the least painful way to commit suicide and I considered getting heavily drunk and drowning myself in my bathtub or swimming pool. I would drown while unconscious so do you think it would still be unpleasant/painful? Does it depend on how drunk I am or…?

Thank for your knowledge. ",5.178011583011582,8.018643635135135,4.797722007722007,79.49418918918923,72.1081081081081,7.471814671814672,37.5984555984556,8.418075326091056,3.6690293436293433,335,20,52,6,7,102,57,74,0.166,0.747,0.087,-0.8143,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,2,1,15,11,8,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,3,6,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,8,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,2,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182440731452985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201857540299457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307732653448513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777691448425328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612093111427444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059811291365424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845452223736984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278754570576924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379477808752868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093196958506244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746621965273476,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katanaaa,2019/01/27,"My story Uh, hi, I'm a freshman in high school and this is my story.

I suffer from MDD,GAD,and PTSD.

​

I absolutely fucking hate myself.

I have nice friends, sure. They are one of the only things that tether me to this world anymore.

But the rest of my life is shit.

​

Now, please **do NOT** comment ""I've had worse"" because I am completely livid with depression.

I have a twin brother. He has special needs, and he is the light of my life.

My dad is pretty sweet too. He is a big great cuddle giant.

My mom.......is sweet......but when nothing goes her way she turns into a cannon.

I struggle in school and try to get A's, but it's just so FUCKING INFURIATING!

When I don't do what she says, I get called useless. Hopeless.Waste of time and money and scum of the family.

Apparently, I can't do anything right in life. I should just hurt myself working to the bone. I'm spoilt, unruly,untidy,and lazy. Fat too. Special emphasis on the **useless** part.

Now you may be asking me if I ignored it. 

 I did... for like 6 months.

But they come every day. EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY WHOLE DAMN YEAR.

​

It got so bad, that I put pressure on myself. I cut. I got a painful panic attack during my finals. I had to go home, crying and not being able to breath because it felt like a one legged fat man was hopping up and down on my chest with a stiletto. 

​

Then I got sexually assaulted by my girlfriend, who I loved so much. She........hurt me in ways I could not imagine. 

​

Nightmares, fear, crying, 4 suicide attempts.

My mom just told me that she was groped on the bus. That I am just a big baby, and over reacting.

FUCKING HELL my ex's parents glare at me whenever they see me.

AHAHA therapists don't do jackshit. My first therapist just looked me up and down, focusing on my private parts. He then would rub the top of his penis as I talked. Ew.

My second therapist just laughed and laughed and laughed.

""That's not true!""  ""Your just making it up!"" ""Stop being so irrational!"" 

She then would skype someone as I was talking. Yeah, not helpful.

​

​

Life has gotten so down and bad for me. Sure, I smile, but everything has gone down.

​

I'm posting here so I can get support and as a last resort.",0.516699855699855,3.001160736363641,2.071536796536797,92.65020202020204,92.77272727272728,4.339105339105339,21.756854256854254,6.096657356929545,0.3924051226551231,1724,65,345,17,63,557,229,440,0.219,0.6659999999999999,0.115,-0.9963,2,0,0,0,0,4,144.0,0,2,3,4,20,40,11,4,18,1,35,18,7,2,3,49,63,32,1,6,17,5,2,2,2,4,7,1,1,1,15,17,2,2,2,0,1,4,8,24,1,4,13,7,61,16,40,42,5,49,1,5,2,6,34,26,7,2,18,224,76,3,0.049851518502793735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43211279576026057,0.484600412012049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943931085215207,0.0,0.0,0.041023552103141916,0.0,0.04660444033977899,0.05671329909580746,0.0,0.0,0.0832478713010276,0.06077804594847407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050903974125260085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294266903504202,0.05226836868534907,0.0,0.0,0.03980238106950122,0.0,0.10951910445669663,0.06430021064214828,0.0,0.042937039838310605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400410883393293,0.0,0.04480333038584175,0.0,0.04699557497290485,0.056096817862777364,0.0,0.0,0.047865275524739404,0.05460990179683685,0.0,0.04240367617181632,0.0,0.0,0.03851515953322004,0.1843477022366625,0.07813608261648419,0.0,0.0283317667938324,0.0,0.1196124401087019,0.054961475140650584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049218053729755205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03341442202751228,0.052670866336493205,0.050005137702672384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673416322174076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063564117331839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408464072123022,0.04870986768600275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041862720116582514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044992941782001035,0.0,0.03327627570400006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677099192605447,0.039791006457700985,0.0,0.03664660208878851,0.03696426930352422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783387650631963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756135820986492,0.03791432621683277,0.05304553048036387,0.05849001585332974,0.05535421176788777,0.10796867308702286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054721997186022914,0.0,0.0,0.04774397449317525,0.05071691626175233,0.0,0.0,0.05827375739741018,0.050114545177109414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425729244173164,0.0,0.039643928406862636,0.0,0.10090479634075893,0.039725205948868164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051171867357547335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042239029853124985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167810167156974,0.0,0.05211563106422451,0.0,0.05452947001319197,0.05657091242974858,0.09396893244079034,0.0,0.0,0.08013752446117345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364436586158935,0.033119133764790816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02906882133427125,0.0,0.0,0.04763526226931146,0.0,0.03384590872377962,0.05422413690713832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913962998066228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565744010800845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03629249919875365,0.0,0.05080295628872186,0.07082617686888831,0.0,0.484600412012049,0.032102743469562836
suicidewatch,michal9826,2019/01/27,"I'm so empty Feeling suicidal, might delete later. 
Not a throwaway account because whatever.

I wasn't abused, molested, no loved one died. Still, I feel so empty. Especially when I look at other people, not even online, just irl, I see them a a different type of people, someone I can never become. They have passions, social lives. I spend most of my life on... nothing? Well, I watch tv series, read books but I don't have anything else.

And the fact that I don't really feel the need to get a hobby (only because I feel like I should because others do) makes me feel inferior, like some kind of under human who is so mentally limited. And because I have some sense of dignity, I feel like I should be killed so I don't pollute the society with my subhuman mentality. ",4.3600429975429975,5.7976464662162135,6.001867321867317,75.99620393120394,70.82432432432431,8.895331695331697,29.67076167076167,9.339509955726095,2.813383783783785,599,24,107,13,11,205,98,148,0.14300000000000002,0.675,0.181,0.607,1,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,2,1,9,10,2,0,7,0,14,3,0,1,2,24,27,8,3,3,4,0,6,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,3,2,0,8,3,1,1,1,9,20,7,9,22,3,7,0,1,3,2,6,3,0,4,7,74,24,3,0.0,0.17026119616273147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825299081855414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350393144476834,0.15870554104729412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491380827683567,0.15013608622464658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004304771213588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491260296843107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359547233606927,0.2053188515645286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507740461718193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898294037296387,0.14964160749490146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149967546098412,0.2106139244755228,0.0,0.12688987740735122,0.0,0.1206719458407599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969500832277314,0.0,0.0959209752341124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28963193308592033,0.15244316511879175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065518506923596,0.11083042521159946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378841828493064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737495002862412,0.10929045000146173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924720018059766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373905117640232,0.0,0.09205800462890916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451042568244345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648422047837545,0.12175668252344425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147591364926413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571846557947563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920370501614736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tullumser,2019/01/27,"Maybe writing will help. First off, I’m just writing this in hope of relieving some of this pressure I feel in my chest. It may not be interesting, but feel free to read my thoughts and sob story. 

I had a relatively normal childhood. My parents divorced when I was 6, but I was so young then that it didn’t really affect me much. My father was (and still is) extremely religious and as a result I never got to engage in a lot of stuff normal kids did. We didn’t celebrate birthdays or any holidays, and my father prevented me from spending time with other kids for the most part. As a result I always felt like an outcast since I was young. I didn’t have a social life for a long time because I wasn’t able to cultivate any social skills for a long time. School was the only thing I had some sort of pride in. I got good grades, good test results, and so on. 

Despite me being pretty lonely throughout most of elementary and middle school, I felt happy. In high school I stopped living with my dad and I was able to do stuff I wasn’t able to before. I made new friends, went to parties, and I was happy. Then all of a sudden  one day in the beginning of my junior year of high school I felt like I hit a wall. I kept questioning my existence. What is the point of everything? I kept imagining different futures where I’d be successful at achieving my goals, but the thought of it didn’t bring me joy anymore. It just had an underlying feeling of emptiness. From then on things like hanging out with friends, listening to and playing music, didn’t bring me joy anymore. I felt and still feel empty. I closed myself off and lost friends and failed classes. No one tried to help me, and I realized how little I matter in this world. I started thinking about suicide daily and it began to be a pervasive thought throughout each day. 

I ended up dropping out of high school because my attendance was so poor. I have my GED now and I’m going to community college, but I’m only moving forward because I don’t know what else to do. I hate living each day and the thought of suicide is almost a comfort, but the thought of just not existing scares me more. All I know is to exist and just ending that is scary to me. Maybe one day I won’t be afraid of that anymore, but until that day comes I guess I’ll just trudge through each day. I hope one day I’ll feel like how I used to. 

If you read this all thank you, but it is mostly for myself. I wish everyone the best, but I know wishing doesn’t really help. ",3.73841398284512,4.981908668662673,4.741110212008419,85.18835733937533,72.0938123752495,7.571904838970706,27.712197227167287,8.00916892397051,1.6917129093165024,1957,71,395,27,37,639,223,501,0.113,0.6759999999999999,0.211,0.9956,2,2,0,0,1,2,52.0,1,2,0,9,16,33,1,3,21,0,39,2,1,8,4,101,84,39,2,7,17,4,9,4,3,3,1,1,0,2,21,28,0,4,21,4,3,9,14,8,0,5,36,10,61,26,59,39,16,71,0,4,0,0,22,27,1,15,40,271,82,16,0.1950987827178521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512108297705141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054112605419625405,0.0,0.0,0.08844924164697948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934855678493288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893040710337095,0.0,0.05533823146285246,0.0,0.06824804527467422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056020108694868766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935860077113165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794556776032869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054326666143920906,0.0,0.11519974206756067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214174922052089,0.05844740195489145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644130110077683,0.0464595364520712,0.24976723597852346,0.0,0.0,0.05531697497118189,0.0,0.0,0.15073283556435696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03695971142392248,0.10909306836312267,0.10402554610163398,0.0,0.07164110159832209,0.0,0.0,0.13845752136685127,0.0,0.06420655216937844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077060154993858,0.20613257560787526,0.0,0.12918474174936612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107221188707774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593467999669712,0.12708721388770006,0.0651800781908488,0.11485053301017305,0.1151041888697634,0.0,0.0,0.07099112268760696,0.05528866942274158,0.0,0.06153572849961619,0.0,0.0,0.13066863353253308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911971006804835,0.04780668455042453,0.0,0.05015740289681644,0.06280920669545564,0.0,0.0,0.12743692244646498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627197915439927,0.0989209438298532,0.0,0.0,0.07221136994129136,0.07042432314861649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614771370559677,0.0,0.0,0.0661618671008427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285176236599214,0.0,0.13010105281282233,0.0,0.0833235173326022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510930558613276,0.32908397322894645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379590971979956,0.0,0.0,0.13258575974119796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046030640858539834,0.0,0.10387075993189887,0.05437043943244139,0.0,0.0,0.14889428615808725,0.14227093498635918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598735822594919,0.0,0.0,0.08640997474421022,0.04167047407400933,0.0,0.258144401220783,0.11376366914562945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415308894832616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056167569106898255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028617539683729,0.0,0.0,0.14956931447133545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187907316848126
suicidewatch,Exardesco,2019/01/27,"Everything used to be pretty okay Every day was a new adventure, going to parties on the weekend, meeting people constantly, creating new stories to tell. Now I work and come back to my room all week, and then spend all weekend in my room, occasionally going out to buy healthy foods and going to the gym in an effort to be happy and regain normalcy. 
I’m socially starved, I long to meet with new people but looking at the various meetups around my town and seeing that a vast majority is much older people or niche interests that dont seem too beginner friendly depresses me further. Tinder and similar apps are gross and sad to me now, despite past successes on them. This is life at fucking 21 years old. Prime time that I’m supposed to be enjoying is spent pouring over failed relationships and friendships and fantasizing about being a kid with no responsibility again. I want it to stop, I just want to go back to being happy. Anything to make that happen please anything ",8.047348066298344,8.065550889502763,8.354082872928178,67.40604143646411,62.20441988950275,11.217900552486189,37.98950276243095,10.793553405168565,4.324745414364641,785,36,129,18,10,259,121,181,0.134,0.687,0.179,0.5739,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,9,13,1,0,7,1,11,3,0,2,2,25,28,12,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,6,14,1,1,1,3,3,5,2,5,0,0,2,2,10,8,26,21,5,41,0,3,2,1,8,14,1,2,22,84,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324297322968334,0.12074978950847234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860004899554765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684323543824494,0.0,0.14658039153076588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747761631512108,0.0,0.11682791888774174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897095528842198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428390557482228,0.0,0.1219059317533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401837175545453,0.0,0.10479637047267172,0.12539848162069855,0.0,0.0,0.30835300853534564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994742668406932,0.28878602959127536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580767968281598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003855538100615,0.11390478916612633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054182713742502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971218957950374,0.0,0.0,0.3930105329987724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423330510438621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948526375192354,0.2821104379777816,0.0,0.0,0.1488937540337773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799628017154714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562832537860804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808880062226037,0.12348302629406545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826953840432618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340245857229975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855674472280647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909371288265593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715079913353207,0.0,0.0,0.16000987042697062,0.0,0.10880351679051076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987487066782443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873487488718234
suicidewatch,Iamshaky,2019/01/27,"Fiance just left me ogether 6 years
Marriage planned for this summer, wanted to try for a baby after.
He just left me because he has a drug Problem (marihuana and amphetamines) and a history of depression.
He said he cant progress while he is in that circle of friends.. 
Ready to kill myself honestly...
I am smoking not reguarly from 1 to 4 times a month, he progressed to 3 times a year.
Still said thats too much and fucks with his head 
Sorry guys not sure if just rambling or needing advice...",5.655312500000001,6.1756372395833345,6.137500000000002,79.55750000000002,67.22916666666666,8.483333333333333,33.70833333333333,8.344100000000001,2.618220833333333,389,17,73,5,6,126,72,96,0.201,0.773,0.025,-0.9459,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,2,0,5,0,4,3,1,0,1,15,9,6,1,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,2,5,3,12,7,1,12,0,1,0,1,12,3,1,2,9,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270713290908106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021476759299055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985298506205354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286960095550047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523606387746741,0.18231349687903714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952646529476401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238994755130504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817889452970976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285291517891716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740771256973285,0.0,0.1449688842221529,0.1462255317433233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869922682152607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751755709074472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207556416866072,0.0,0.0,0.15748873104504765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586404347233965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299844653685724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388972901998644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631703444759835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25398801722336617
suicidewatch,memedrs,2019/01/27,"Unusual suicidal thoughts Does anyone else is almost certain that you will commit suicide later in your life, and this will be the way you're going to die, because you know that you will never be happy?",17.773421052631587,8.642049500000002,15.377368421052632,52.496578947368434,54.0,17.30526315789474,53.78947368421053,11.20814326018867,6.307547368421052,163,6,26,2,1,52,31,38,0.312,0.609,0.079,-0.9312,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643209070662943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845691312468572,0.27046138128274283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609094507555236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739520149096375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099588046597636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050729220994755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001630811211067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099361961420216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506721203204598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644493806722465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358460921861632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5774655590112999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955720994016025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095216158146896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morpheusmade,2019/01/27,"Want to die The best part of my day is going to sleep. The worst part is everything else. 

I hate my job, but make good money. 

Im trying to be an artust on the side as well. 

My fiance and i just bought a house. 

We are planning our wedding in june. 


But all i want to do is go to sleep and never wake up. 

I should be filled with excitement and happiness. This is what i wanted.

But it feels like im building a life with someone, just to not be there for the rest of it. 

I really really really want to die. 

I really really really want my life to be over. I don't foresee any way in which i can be happy. 

Im an athiest, and religion strikes me as cruel and evil. It convinces good people to do awful things. Give money and power to men who are looking ot for themselves and their own power structures. 

America has fallen into fascism, and the ones who aren't are actively working against people like me to benefit corporations. 

War itself is a profit making industry. That in and of itself is disgusting. 

The world's is running a fever to try and rid itself of our species, and i can't honestly say that's a bad thing. 

We are a viral plague upon the earth. Weak sentience like ours allows us to think on an individual level, but easily controlled in groups. 

We are the worst things for ourselves, and i have no hope of people suddenly realizing who and what are at the center of our suffering. 

I can't go on living in a world and society i think are at their core rotten and unfixable. 

Im not going to kill myself yet or anything. Just filled with this existential dread that (while I know I'm depressed) I firmly believe to be the reality of the world.

Belief isn't a choice, and based on what I know and what I learn, humans are incapable of self governance, are violent, and self destructive.
",3.179822303333016,4.804431888579392,4.982220728076076,81.3914484679666,74.12534818941505,8.294342522332151,24.914129286331764,8.939507131559953,1.9327036980117176,1404,45,275,30,29,479,180,359,0.215,0.638,0.147,-0.9896,3,0,0,0,0,3,40.0,8,0,2,6,6,31,8,1,22,1,33,7,3,4,2,56,55,26,4,7,10,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,0,4,22,25,0,1,8,0,4,8,9,16,1,1,1,4,34,15,47,47,8,36,1,2,1,0,21,21,0,2,9,201,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381649884290692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722484246607249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835503530623528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572899295150053,0.09848250185535967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525297147231706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052101028319869,0.0,0.08082689010294318,0.0,0.1947885608263425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839383498503777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434009132858679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744987082472922,0.06704150084336746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002281426273491,0.21333269453979264,0.15742221281559474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997953648345648,0.0,0.09265059340085613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320733302919378,0.0,0.10828229167583643,0.0,0.0,0.4054664335729869,0.0,0.0931247568680755,0.0,0.10382344192827617,0.0,0.10314738317998053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325682571506198,0.13754093681858556,0.0,0.08286514129995651,0.0,0.0788045354550556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528194256012207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237755314405707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359048616064526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324577816794268,0.0,0.195176885665776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36070960350339176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462776792850538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579755606544372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782166475147646,0.0,0.07951292023972463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703547765695816,0.1202616873140014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742655549394846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288164663699952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675534100744703,0.07448825302492322,0.0,0.0,0.08437618107447774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831886537463343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asses2point0,2019/01/27,28/M Legit need someone to talk to. Drunk and having morbid thoughts. It's my first time here. not my first time in this situation. last friday night I was gonna work on it but I acutally got in touch with a guy from an old popular 90s band and he talked to me for hours and helped me thru. Im an alcoholic. presently ive been fighting the urge to slit my wrist for a few hrs to the point im ready to take calls from somebody or... something. suicide hotline is a fuckin joke. they literally farm data from you and get you off the phone as fast as possible. im not here to get attention. thanks..,1.3611827956989266,3.3379339354838757,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,80.61290322580646,6.391397849462368,22.43010752688172,7.492282038375204,0.7450720430107536,464,15,105,7,12,152,87,124,0.08800000000000001,0.835,0.077,-0.3506,0,0,2,0,2,1,16.0,0,2,1,3,2,5,2,0,8,0,5,4,1,0,0,12,13,8,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,1,11,3,20,8,1,15,0,0,0,1,12,5,1,1,10,59,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972242843600064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172022175815452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860903809854773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572361378831206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450079352650354,0.0,0.0,0.1665145934453834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272070715668615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561342932006706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5449568958636517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708087499015822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469581463934258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578160142850106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646597081914314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897486776347514,0.1895862405312972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890299600733324,0.0,0.0,0.1424897701578201,0.12946536836871447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395052339093015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644279996504346,0.27033711430388097,0.0,0.15482820570455152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350807800498174,0.19612238657382933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242965539845815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lsimpsonjazzgirl,2019/01/27,"Question for those who tried to end yourself before, but is still alive to answer me I have several actually. Serious replies only.

1) How did you try to kill yourself? What method (s) did you use?

2) What motivated you to put your suicidal thoughts into actions?

3) What stopped you from dying? Or what motivated you to stop from killing yourself?

4) As you're alive today... do you still have those dark moments where you want to hurt yourself again?

Please feel free to answer one or all of these. Any response at all would really really really really be appreciated. I really must know. Thank you. ",1.972657754010693,4.803069281818182,3.453529411764705,81.82735294117649,92.54545454545456,6.951871657754011,23.743315508021393,7.928766900206844,2.0907005347593586,471,19,83,12,17,154,75,110,0.195,0.589,0.217,0.3439,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,9,0,2,5,6,2,0,0,0,9,0,0,4,3,21,15,5,4,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,8,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,3,1,12,3,14,9,2,13,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,3,8,54,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.15624884907014047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088834856564226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624581555568502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617377835925914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181409845321358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095880255138373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714060964875219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542863822042589,0.0,0.08799485102294392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849786361363732,0.12177444337630937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575785758812765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095949613077956,0.1793651064704974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128678796669421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088403464986375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573561035846043,0.2677261150843477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751394926679067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474121024388151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711318575140684,0.0,0.0,0.15177001261027948,0.0,0.0,0.21741474037187514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382876911396545,0.0,0.0,0.09443979769903048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374088801361534,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swthrowaway8642,2019/01/27,"I think this is it I can't take it anymore. Years of constant pain and suffering through, not being able to even talk to my family without everyone getting mad at me for every little thing I do, the lack of motivation to move let alone eat or do anything I used to love mixed in with everything else going on in my life. My mind has finally won, and I think I might end it all tonight because I honestly can't handle the fight anymore. I don't want to get help, is it even worth it? My mom complains as is that she can't afford to pay bills, let alone any doctors or therapists. I just can't live anymore and I genuinely think I'll end it tonight if I can't find a solution or just something or some reason not to but I doubt I will. I don't know what to do",3.997267080745342,4.054840062111804,5.347385093167702,85.40033229813666,70.73913043478261,8.924472049689443,30.385714285714286,8.841846274778883,2.170336149068324,594,23,133,10,10,200,97,161,0.087,0.787,0.126,0.7120000000000001,1,2,1,0,1,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,2,1,3,0,19,5,0,3,1,30,31,10,0,3,11,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,7,0,3,2,10,6,0,0,1,0,20,3,19,25,3,14,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,8,7,89,30,3,0.1337978666367056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771484770206219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098713743730676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980745934330669,0.0,0.0,0.11010424392493727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156193763483628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445879612713412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694778600371832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690862024337402,0.11177094900771067,0.0,0.2370103930586132,0.0,0.0,0.17674445807162098,0.0,0.11273047329609408,0.12784959535298107,0.12024889519682674,0.0,0.12613272095989694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656902291245733,0.12228882615321875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980772602876793,0.0,0.07604041098268641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968188966859933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353180838702941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736347674376828,0.09450539007851208,0.0,0.13410061233074885,0.11814596753076195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075779845710954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193839260000682,0.1350977038187495,0.15670244431854666,0.0,0.14220595773311706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237036355246194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756649090575393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300413450927257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059934436084823,0.10754165702947376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534963563488527,0.08888935734899152,0.2571968112592015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555839789437695,0.0,0.0,0.07891744832551911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897636884977892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616143937866665
suicidewatch,gredore77,2019/01/27,"Very Vulnerable I'm feeling extra vulnerable due to a relationship that went sour. I've been tearful for weeks. Its been hard to get out of bed and shower on a daily basis. Plus I have bipolar 2 disorder. 

I thought this guy really liked me given all the attention and adoration he showed me. I believed him when he said he had good intentions towards me. Then I find out he has a girlfriend he seems to adore. He doesn't know I know. Apparently I'm a piece a crap. He's probably laughing at me. Im just not good enough for him. 

I find myself discarded and feeling stupid that I moved too quickly with him including sex and believed his lies. Plus I have to work with him. 

It all makes me feel like ending my life. I've endured a lot of stress and suffering in my lifetime. I feel I can't take much more. Now I'm triggered by the idea of working with him. I'm jealous of the girlfriend. My self-esteem is shattered. I feel closer to harming myself again than I have in a few years. Yet, I'm trying to fight the urge. From prior suicide attempts I know it doesn't go down all seamlessly as you see in movies. Yet, part of me doesn't care and says I should try again. ",1.6361064425770273,3.8209142563025225,3.2506092436974825,89.42000350140059,80.80672268907563,6.3196078431372555,24.202380952380953,7.492282038375204,1.1361759103641464,915,34,192,14,24,302,140,238,0.181,0.716,0.104,-0.9524,3,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,0,1,0,3,9,15,4,1,11,0,13,4,1,3,3,37,37,11,1,1,2,0,6,2,2,1,2,2,2,1,6,13,0,0,14,1,0,3,5,7,0,0,7,10,32,8,31,29,11,26,0,1,1,1,21,10,1,2,15,121,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31121233624406563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081551021787742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828957817164213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232721247073575,0.14270775227125648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491706660021094,0.09866802624490888,0.0,0.0,0.2524657425624741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721583943483106,0.0,0.0784928575544853,0.2316854311169169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675368312257846,0.0,0.0,0.1237222094332767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591287872928905,0.14918584833996526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771004339104506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975533670281282,0.13495016860747136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741881865904755,0.0,0.0,0.0921915667238394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679236789351674,0.10152902000581802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956302828970353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890928148602275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847878845576386,0.0,0.0,0.1482817820281593,0.0,0.0,0.13137718569312007,0.1098330805835056,0.0,0.0,0.1100582591462632,0.12573297908570025,0.14408208466044126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582080894283449,0.0,0.0,0.15107331474995814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038438628216855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096463740265881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753945785238355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395777188389447,0.0,0.0,0.11078599797589664,0.0,0.0,0.12803222740710626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010959634557053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889403081919031
suicidewatch,throwawaywueiwi,2019/01/27,"My best friend said they wanted to die and were self harming. How do I help? Just 20 mins ago a very close friend of mine said they had just self harmed and after talking they said they have been doing it for months and just want to die.

How do I help? They don't want to see any one, and I'm probably the only person who knows but if I tell anyone they said they would never talk to me ever again.

Please any advice?",2.2506006493506483,3.5610211704545485,2.856038961038962,96.97727272727276,75.93181818181819,5.483116883116884,15.980519480519481,5.288315135182226,-0.9351025974025972,325,3,76,1,7,101,59,88,0.097,0.733,0.171,0.6174,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,7,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,2,19,19,8,2,5,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,5,13,3,7,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,22,1,0,1,7,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204930742252167,0.12885758453431936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977068035446191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164281102171684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255193406042133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30173250198849794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149125344103166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246177698736918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487061843699652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988897774189234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602921083384685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211469557204326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850330230132087,0.11055687558223946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692738963010936,0.0,0.15956746797786506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672840025464438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.553102827121566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583733880566742,0.0,0.3032954616237915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23367827429277044,0.1270556961229196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994161213935432,0.2572206944594784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326335194878072,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatethis97,2019/01/27,"I'm facing jail time, my life is basically over and I can't stand living I fucked up. It hurts me too much to go into details so I'll be as quick as I can... but I'm telling you: I need no symphathy on my criminal acts. I acted like a piece of shit and being an adult I know that makes me a piece of shit.

All I can say is that I've been psychologically abused by my ex-gf and after that I became a broken shell of a person. While I tried my best to endure pain I was feeling at my most suicidal,there is when I failed to hang myself so I just flipped on everyone, I started having panick attacks, breaking stuff. In the end I tried contacting back my ex, with no responses, ending in harrassing her with calls and messages. I feel horrible just typing this, but I wanted her to feel just half of how she left me. I didn't make any violent threats, I didn't show up in person but from her police reports all of it was enough to make her live in fear and change her lifestyle. So it's persecutory acts. My motivations aren't worth anything, with no tangible proof of her treating me like a toy to have fun with, it was just a breakup for everyone else's eyes. So yes, in a way I became the typical stalking ex. I'm not in the US, so law may vary from you, but here you can choose to give the sued party a second chance to stay away and not make contact again, but in my case the suing party chose not to pull back the report and go ahead fully. I'm now looking at 3-4 years of prison. Yes I knew that could have happened,  but I was in such pain and hopelessness that it was all I could do, and I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry because I didn't want to hurt anyone and I ended up doing so and now I have nothing left to do. Apologizing meant nothing. I was expecing to face consequences but when I did I wanted them, now that I'm facing them I don't know what to fucking do, I thought I could have ended myself before that happened and I couldn't. My life is over, I can't continue my half-assed studies and good luck finding a job. Plus I'm a little bitch and prison will eat me alive. I bet my mother won't look me in the eyes anymore. I'm a sick fuck and I need help but I already fucked up. Why didn't I get help before acting self destructive?  I deserve this. I wanted to hurt her to feel better and I got what these kind of people get. I want the strength to end it before they come and get me. Why must survival kick in now? Is a life full of pain what I deserve?",2.0031906579425645,3.2936410438931314,3.778004362050165,90.19762086513998,76.5381679389313,6.593529625590695,22.78153398764086,7.1686216300943375,0.6209808796801166,1913,54,433,21,42,644,239,524,0.197,0.665,0.138,-0.9888,1,0,0,0,1,2,53.0,1,3,3,7,26,30,11,1,21,2,43,19,7,6,5,77,89,40,0,12,15,3,4,2,0,4,7,1,0,4,20,24,1,0,12,2,2,9,16,20,0,2,16,9,77,10,60,63,10,61,0,5,4,4,32,26,7,4,24,291,97,6,0.0,0.08983187984007251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366699961497312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155880988746996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519103931215662,0.05301367758660895,0.0,0.06239171755723165,0.0,0.0,0.08625387021650466,0.07123346529691954,0.11659865617328527,0.0,0.04621792217021616,0.0,0.19354648851979986,0.0,0.07956626706993451,0.06705482066977254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741860987997216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020534418864328,0.06531045558541039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160340515248286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758069680945537,0.06333617336627834,0.0,0.3357610246141535,0.07834021581165794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489461184634522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531627897930895,0.1533433462126787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929623809013749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803699138815819,0.1188352579849571,0.0727314918596989,0.0861781830717074,0.06359250420963998,0.06063854539647767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409113593357452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163835526660872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434940695296941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752376222800514,0.0,0.0,0.07895273383789216,0.0833351314502227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475286174587678,0.0,0.16065739326363265,0.07408164703227757,0.07598950985482336,0.13389728813233587,0.0,0.12733597535018015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024362970676576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055734921276620365,0.11243610715603042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549874692207454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420269517678535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052562624216463086,0.13240262922919016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060293481602989925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909466323481569,0.0,0.15565208429641042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974398853644074,0.05366433938452901,0.08081185303761806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679342016289104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626823522583887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019098799819565,0.044210059768826734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295083040359976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119966567060436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235969736834109,0.060180764319518014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682782485455466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882427777900359
suicidewatch,analdelrey-,2019/01/27,"Been here before Been so low before tried to kill myself when I was 16 and failed. 

I caught my girlfriend flirting with her ex and even though my pathetic ass “tried to work things out” SHE is the one deciding to leave me. 

SHE doesn’t want to leave for another month for whatever reason. She acts like she loves me during the day and then at night can’t wait to move back to our hometown. I can’t afford our apartment without her lmao

My dream job is here and I’ll lose it if i leave this incredibly expensive city. I started cutting again. Nobody knows. It’s been almost a year since I last cut and I feel more than stupid. 

I use reddit for a lot of release, I write all my stupid shit here so I apologize for this sap post. 

I’m a fucking idiot but I feel like like did once before. Like there is nothing left, no other reasonable option except to leave. 

Life truly does not seem worth living, I’ve always always always wanted children but I can’t really bring them into this world if I’m a depressed piece of shit. 

Thanks for clicking on my shit ass post ",2.3811971830985925,4.4987726948356865,3.299650234741786,90.3745457746479,77.92018779342723,5.950140845070423,20.509154929577466,6.961326702584282,0.39215887323943655,836,21,170,9,20,266,133,213,0.225,0.652,0.124,-0.9627,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,2,0,1,3,11,21,10,0,6,0,12,8,5,3,1,31,28,14,1,4,7,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,7,1,2,4,7,14,0,1,6,3,29,7,22,22,4,24,0,4,1,4,15,8,6,6,14,104,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096190719119836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27326512307522866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478955175143606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417619485269477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27945445454336715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059953160747408,0.0,0.09428693532798997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579852881566013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723043509711775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070332895586224,0.07820587487974871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120387865643583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863275720582624,0.0,0.1211130867728912,0.0,0.060162222218098735,0.08923321416073726,0.0,0.4636545705493633,0.11894021293220927,0.0,0.07732237793997276,0.21392737653270852,0.0,0.0966646150648972,0.0,0.0,0.12246968817438325,0.0,0.09306805649262896,0.09880156172830533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737845148713219,0.11635000712679973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273081640089746,0.0,0.1050400688455069,0.0,0.0,0.11658270029250405,0.07418016514637467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968529979202866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012972006055772,0.2251081804509494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965799463979554,0.0,0.0,0.3371102362661188,0.0905552768252242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748390996822202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078589328196833,0.0,0.0,0.07272745478400791,0.0,0.1075543862066849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864681025861903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454751849289916,0.0,0.0,0.12913728540593591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552582798973564,0.0,0.0796959580290119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049552807469038
suicidewatch,PoppyBoyTwig,2019/01/27,"Ending up in hospital will make my life less boring, people around me will help me be happy. This is long, I don't blame you for not wanting to read

I'm 18, male

I just realised my main problem that makes living the most agonising thing to go though. I can't feel or express emotion. Not genuine emotion anyway. I can't remember how it feels to cry tears. I don't remember the last time I smiled uncontrollably thanks to my own thoughts rather than reacting as other are. That's why whenever I have depressive thoughts, I make the most of it. This probably makes no sense. But I feel nothing all the time, just living. But right now I feel a lot of sadness and I'm making the most of it. This is why I always reminisce over the last 2 years, how I'd cry walking to school cus I hated it. Or id skip school and listen to sad music and walk around, or go to my grandparents grave. Those moments I was very sad, but for some reason thinking about those moments makes me happy because I was able to express my emotion. Is it strange that sad memories make me happy? 

Right now I'm listening to nostalgic music that I would listen too when I walked to school these past 2 years and hopefully I'll be able to cry, it's the worst feeling to feel nothing and when you feel sadness but not able to let it out by crying is also awful. It makes me try and make myself more sad, why is it so hard to cry? 

But there were times when I was able to express genuine happiness, I remember I was walking home from school and a drop of snow fell on my nose. It made me tear up because I love snow so much. It snowed for about a month and I was so happy, I missed Christmas. When it snows, it makes this boring world so vibrant. I want it to snow so bad. 

I also was able to express genuine anger, I had a friend who (long story short) would brainwash me into hating my mum, he would convince me it's her fault I'm like this. I would try and be him, he would be horrible to his parents but they would let him live his life. I did the same but was punished, this made me so so angry, I even harmed my mum at one point. But I swear it wasn't me, I was angry and didn't know how to control this emotion. 

Right now I'm going through an eating disorder that I've had for 3-4 years. I'm 6ft and 116 lbs, haven't eaten today and my mum hasn't asked why. Whenever I research eating disorders, I find a lot of negative health benefits and stories of people going to hospital or being in treatment. You may think why do I continue if I'm aware of this? Well if I do end up in hospital. It will help me show emotion. Trust me. Whenever I try to express emotion now. I cannot, my mum thinks it's a facade or persona to get what I want. If I do end up in hospital, she will show love to me, she will take notice of this depressed mood I've been stuck these past years. I also love being skinny, people always comment on my weight, it makes me happy, whether it's out of them caring or out of ridicule because it makes me appear less boring, less like the average person. I'm so boring. 

When I get out of hospital, either due to failed suicide or because of my eating disorder, my mum will make the effort to help me be happy, she'll let me dye my hair, she'll be happy on the days where I'm playing a video game with my friend, she won't be annoyed that I'm making noise rather than be silent

My dream is to be able to spread genuine happiness to everyone because feeling emotion is so underrated, but that's impossible rn

I needed to vent this out, but it didn't make me cry like i hoped...
What's wrong with me? ",2.9092179388579136,4.072057592193808,4.290789992309172,87.93124747644687,74.0201884253028,7.191395885406653,25.65009132859065,7.6454224807358475,1.2246239377042871,2793,92,599,35,56,926,284,743,0.193,0.653,0.154,-0.9854,3,0,0,0,0,1,79.0,0,3,2,3,39,55,6,1,19,1,65,14,3,23,1,116,134,56,2,18,29,6,11,3,2,16,3,3,1,2,48,23,6,1,19,7,0,10,16,28,1,1,22,15,93,26,76,82,17,71,0,11,0,3,45,28,0,20,35,391,141,7,0.24495531865375095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979453399137428,0.06794081602712196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268738904840506,0.038166692733978685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034087909880897736,0.1244354072152156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041624712130615985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578970314061659,0.0,0.0,0.2690719153255094,0.02632931931396108,0.0,0.07032655233997706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037000855538048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532522207256475,0.0,0.3214653906344369,0.10847885286833908,0.0,0.0,0.02696511295702852,0.0,0.0,0.03901088405053725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514235892685716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037314120584960364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308395718464925,0.0,0.04265968127954948,0.0,0.09280916839230684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911392374488399,0.03657197523096509,0.08061422130477316,0.0,0.04339600818363835,0.0,0.0,0.08209419332854913,0.0,0.040951692840932426,0.08109863408574446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022436839499514614,0.06655709281789053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252417047770296,0.05767306191818406,0.05983639776157563,0.0,0.10815001708036982,0.0722592495714082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069417417411443,0.11054086938958628,0.0772608817606678,0.4087739432765025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032586833056561015,0.0,0.030011724021784605,0.03027187749403064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834707824325055,0.046480542306702656,0.0,0.0,0.02766467723554269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04533231547624199,0.0,0.07794585630901679,0.08491058760176212,0.03564758931356007,0.0,0.0,0.03859365878064736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044017210645632764,0.0390648596688749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083693450696922,0.0,0.0,0.04197581080446117,0.0,0.0,0.13874331242457086,0.10459525185859056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527190667861175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465689345836423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0306959857603461,0.0,0.0,0.037586991105233065,0.0,0.0,0.027122904873452324,0.07847873866553204,0.040111226145204376,0.06482238707882268,0.07141770809274672,0.0,0.03869816670168874,0.0,0.0,0.08315429103824176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368563194760416,0.07224049675772334,0.0,0.0,0.04971493112886785,0.03670737490347639,0.0,0.1841950622687316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740092302601895,0.044636697869622655,0.0,0.1051621293582822
suicidewatch,Pariskitty99,2019/01/27,Can’t find body? My husband has been missing for 15 days. (See previous post) Do suicidal people write a note on their computer saying goodbye to their son then make it so we can’t find their body? I thought most would want their body to be found? Sorry going crazy not knowing if he’s alive or not. :(,1.3817142857142848,3.874760600000002,2.3061904761904763,93.79500000000004,84.66666666666666,5.428571428571429,21.904761904761905,6.868970318607317,0.5844761904761904,236,8,49,3,7,74,50,60,0.16399999999999998,0.737,0.099,-0.6548,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,3,1,0,15,15,4,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,2,7,0,4,10,1,5,0,1,1,0,10,1,0,3,2,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6840351997389607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238393233578533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752311220647023,0.0,0.0,0.22507095880086173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666122585699347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281252685319647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702114463362827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231026825549867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965945375800344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324111797850488,0.0,0.0,0.16357579310674547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978602099372725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453505506250265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296362246510207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107517758231533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581986143708242,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SwiftyTortoise,2019/01/27,"I don’t want to be alone anymore Hi,
Suffering from depression, insomnia and have been alone all my life. I met an amazing girl who took away all my pain but as cruel as life is, she has a boyfriend. I’m just so confused. She told me I was her soulmate and she couldn’t live without me, but she doesn’t love love me. She’s still with her boyfriend. I’m just in so much pain and I’m so alone I just want to be with her. After about a year and a half I’ve slowly started to give up. I don’t want to be alone and I can’t hang on anymore and I’m just slipping away but I can’t talk to her about this because it means confessing to her and i don’t want to hurt her. I just want her to be happy. I’m really tempted to jump tonight and need someone to talk to or to vent. Thanks",-0.7969653179190743,1.1372604450867063,1.288702312138728,101.22981647398844,89.0578034682081,4.6160693641618495,19.05462427745665,5.985473137389443,-0.4119569942196528,599,18,153,5,20,198,84,173,0.17,0.648,0.182,0.5288,0,4,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,1,1,4,0,16,7,0,0,2,32,36,17,0,7,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,7,0,1,5,0,26,5,26,26,3,13,1,3,0,2,23,5,0,2,5,100,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363200662236411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25677619280354885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432611410411704,0.0,0.0,0.07891673132013828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150246059159802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418843885854072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378110351980424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858805675968558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288080674398685,0.0,0.0,0.11431427264426144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368279400907235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101831450926813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516693094373993,0.09599187547241947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755060523138245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293446297888954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096898104611096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163142897433683,0.0,0.10338576634703092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810775956584412,0.0,0.11918804079026638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370319365181745,0.14383321396230145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817900387469375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479342377488735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336706261252946
suicidewatch,xaviarlamb,2019/01/27,There is no point. Can't die becuase too many people would be upset. Don't want to live becuase nothing is enjoyable. Hoping something out of my control kills me haha. ,2.293125,5.122662062500002,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,84.625,4.45,26.75,5.985473137389443,1.2510375000000007,134,6,22,1,4,43,29,32,0.336,0.519,0.145,-0.7281,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530327958120476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266736760910135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126300845400398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482379591003695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779409654593765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191196691652462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30202301149432104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218216615520446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975522077115753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423194730227291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565501842857335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235981776194216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BunstonSpuds,2019/01/27,"Crawling I don’t know how I got here. Everything feels like something I’ve just been watching or observing this whole time. Like I’ve only just been given control.

I don’t feel like I belong. I never have. I’ve always felt like the odd one out. I compensated for this lack of connection in different ways. If I am numb I won’t feel the emptiness.

I’ve been so horribly self centred and selfish. I hurt the people I care about so easily, for very little. They keep supporting me. They keep loving me and liking me. No matter what has happened or will happen I know I am loved and I will always be cared for. I have no doubt in my mind of this. 

I thrive. I thrive and grow. But then I am stagnant and want to escape. 

I become self destructive. I make decisions with little thought or worry about future consequences or my own safety. I dig myself deeper and deeper. 

I struggle to climb back out. I stumble and I struggle. The thought of laying down and letting it all go sounds so wonderful.

 Quiet. A never ending sleep. Able to rest and no longer feel. 

I feel everything. I sense everything. Everyone’s worries and pains. I feel them stacked on top of my own. If feels as though I carry so much pain and trauma. But it’s not only mine.

I’ll keep crawling by. Maybe I wasn’t made to run in this life, or even walk. But I have to at least crawl. Crawl for the ones who love me.


But in the end all I truly want is relief. 

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suicidewatch,boocentry,2019/01/27,"I’m so fucking scared... It’s gotten to the point where I feel so afraid that everyone in my life is planning to abandon me whenever I least expect it. My friends all probably hate me. I’m a disappointment to my mom. I’m so fucking annoying to everyone who even interacts with me. 

I’m pretty sure the reason I haven’t killed myself is because I don’t want to put my family through that sort of emotional trauma.

I’m 15 ffs. I should be enjoying life, going out with my friends and actually doing something worthwhile. But instead, I keep myself cooped up in my room, hating myself.

My friends know that I have terribly low self esteem but they don’t seem to care. One of them jokes about me being worthless. I understand that he’s joking around with me but I always believe him whenever he says that.

I just want to be held by someone who doesn’t absolutely despise my very being. I really want to ask this one girl out but I keep thinking that I’ll fuck it up like I always do with everything.

I don’t want to be alone.


Someone, please, help me...",2.4547129186602845,4.662215272727273,4.124734449760767,84.10289114832538,78.0909090909091,7.433588516746411,26.239473684210523,8.395991825355821,1.9750629665071768,828,33,161,17,20,277,116,209,0.162,0.6629999999999999,0.175,-0.2659,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,1,9,25,8,2,3,0,16,5,0,1,2,32,42,8,1,6,5,1,1,1,3,1,2,1,1,2,12,8,0,4,6,2,0,2,5,16,0,2,2,2,34,9,25,34,2,13,0,4,0,3,17,11,3,2,1,106,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.1194592654645645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267848984972456,0.0,0.0,0.20371797517285772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897519770465808,0.11444138910116836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462297534835062,0.0,0.0,0.13791965120298438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481012987858554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770026472548091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808538744915917,0.0,0.0,0.23394532986786765,0.1100186018399171,0.0,0.11540185532314536,0.0,0.061896642075984526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837323005897753,0.339511755228047,0.0,0.0,0.06957119802185592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417187030516259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205211445436526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761594201868076,0.13543392874279647,0.0,0.0672760172661873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293050161924892,0.05980572752594826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337082931701572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590298320778488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343747790275124,0.11572163069350044,0.0,0.0,0.12453994309569034,0.131983946467552,0.0,0.0,0.12306076679449846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842210749069743,0.12586288601405887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734922688120287,0.1225586515014418,0.0,0.0,0.11144191023721076,0.1277054187555256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744346313076087,0.09424095617586987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537457678360875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843851295849331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743820849227833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100509729003833,0.2888138743008305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zoidaryan1985,2019/01/27,"I'm done... Not using a throwaway because it doesn't matter anymore. I'm tired of the up and down, highs and lows, going from extremely happy to extremely sad to extremely angry all within a span of minutes. I'm tired of the panic attacks... the delusions... it's gotten to the point where I don't even know what's real or not. I'm tired of all the horrid luck or whatever you want to call it that plagues my life.  I'm tired of being a useless burden to the people I care about.  I've actually thought about ending my life countless times before, but always chickened out or convinced myself it was a selfish move. Now I'm convinced it's even more selfish if I don't do it. I feel like every day I exist robs happiness from everyone around me. I'm like a living black hole that sucks joy from everyone around me and destroys everything I touch. That's why it's better this way. I've got my affairs in order. I had a life insurance policy taken out on me when I was a child and still have it today. Funeral expenses would be paid for if they choose to have one. I'd rather they didn't though; I hate funerals. But I know they'll have one, if not for the attention. I don't have much, but I don't have a tremendous amount of personal debt and what debt I do have should be taken care of once I'm confirmed dead. I know people will be hurt or angry for a while, and I'm so very sorry for that. I wish I could go back in time and erase everything so nobody will feel anything when they find out what I'm about to do. But it'll be better in the long run, you'll see. The only inconvenience will be what to do with my stuff. Sell it or keep it, do whatever you want with it. I've known that there's something potentially wrong with me, that these thoughts aren't normal... but I've seen what the treatments, what the medications can do to people. And I just couldn't put my loved ones through all that mess and just have everything wind up worse than it already is. A few months of pain is a small price to pay not to have to go through years and years of therapy and trying cocktails of meds and all the numerous breakdowns that will ensue...

 I know that by posting this on here that it could possibly trigger one of you all, and if it does, I'm so sorry I caused so much pain but I just didn't know where else to put this. I just have a small favor to ask of you. I know I don't know anyone here personally and never spoke to anyone on here and this sounds so hypocritical considering what I'm about to do in the next few hours, but please... Before you do anything to yourself. Seek help if you can. And if you do decide to do the deed, mull it over for a while first. I've had this on my mind every day for the past year and a half, tried to get counseling, talk with people I love, but it didn't work for me. But maybe it'll work with one of you. But don't think that it won't work. Everyone reacts differently to things. I guess whatever powers that be just decided that there would be no help for me. It's funny, I figured I'd be able to be more formal with my final note, but I guess not. And with that, I say goodbye and I wish everyone much better than what I had and what I deserved...",3.7992346659364737,4.314599950301208,4.885514786418401,86.91441401971525,71.33433734939759,8.084556407447975,25.331872946330773,8.150884317080207,1.2586819277108434,2493,68,550,34,44,821,260,664,0.155,0.728,0.117,-0.9736,4,0,1,0,0,0,76.0,0,9,4,8,32,32,4,1,29,0,65,12,0,4,6,112,116,52,3,18,33,0,3,2,0,12,10,3,0,3,51,32,1,1,19,1,7,7,20,16,0,7,18,9,58,16,79,73,13,60,0,4,3,2,26,26,1,14,26,374,109,4,0.06550514138877851,0.0,0.06392356876520215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228655241104512,0.0,0.054505525142931575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496349850110389,0.09160543585886753,0.0,0.10781029992639588,0.116626927464937,0.061238464654412315,0.07452155495898803,0.0,0.050369410336899685,0.0,0.039931326193858634,0.0,0.11148010128042923,0.0,0.0,0.17380192301856942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688807327181052,0.0,0.13357371466936066,0.06729182442792216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460105039414616,0.0,0.0,0.08449079418124683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684389306926296,0.0,0.0,0.0573239906606781,0.0670345025400418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054721140194170105,0.0,0.058018112314412826,0.0,0.0,0.08653105618717237,0.0,0.1103818136672554,0.2503718790325655,0.17661539185300332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624273539088474,0.046796886096689486,0.0,0.07175768052539133,0.0598705125036483,0.05571863980197801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03422373275062985,0.0,0.11168424425345556,0.0,0.05239044557715411,0.0,0.1443225967093599,0.0,0.0,0.1394628821430188,0.0,0.06467276555010924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878134309675579,0.0692097783590702,0.0,0.0,0.06450936926204158,0.0,0.07012460866624629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058223979445787624,0.0,0.0,0.2519993881988005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880465574022008,0.06400500658012033,0.0,0.057842239956114976,0.0579699888024821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824189518968775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580871901445119,0.0,0.07276144500587782,0.06598953845879983,0.0,0.0,0.06614151938592079,0.0,0.05228557890102045,0.06962159862329965,0.1444614481167631,0.0,0.05052160330289826,0.0,0.0696654610065925,0.0,0.06418113050258395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976083772250655,0.2219398954571011,0.049819611800886655,0.1394041777870524,0.07685616954856743,0.0,0.0,0.06253206951683438,0.1816520686899572,0.1143931256191863,0.0,0.0719049744201049,0.061923531745234066,0.07384720458749533,0.06273581815692159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170151947435302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455919180094847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052092317616215,0.0,0.0,0.0521991167076109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504290581327373,0.0,0.14665528559964494,0.0,0.0,0.05231249052951917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498771492238245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052650551357645,0.0,0.0,0.07491083800774777,0.0,0.04351870524896671,0.04197304962024719,0.0643584688267061,0.10400753053478684,0.07639314944437925,0.30115409532330617,0.062091214721419735,0.0,0.0,0.08894738226514118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565754102289644,0.0,0.054048601899121314,0.0772732591415859,0.05199493222105538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910820143040006,0.0,0.15065535963958115,0.0,0.0,0.14306556928049802,0.0,0.06675533533595697,0.0930659460165323,0.07161958893925931,0.0,0.12654949015185274
suicidewatch,marksman9494,2019/01/27,"Lonely and depressed 17 years old. Had a very good childhood with a decent amount of friends and 3 best friends that I did everything with. Shared so many laughs and great times i wish I could go back. On the family side, also had a very good time growing up. Had a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles that cared for me. Went to many holiday parties and had a blast at everyone one. Now I’m here writing this 

I’m sitting here watching everything I had fade away. I barely talk with those 3 friends and they all hang out with each other and never invite me. Just to post it on social media so I can see them having a great time and me sitting alone at my house like I do every fucking day. Everyone told me “in high school you’ll make new friends!!!!” Well you’re fucking wrong. I tried making new friends. Everyone thinks I’m that ugly and stupid kid that you’re supposed to laugh at. Every fucking word I say someone laughs at me like I’m telling a joke. I’m fucking tired of it and I can’t do shit about it. 

And now I don’t see any family members. They all got into fights with my parents. I don’t even see my grandparents any more. Every holiday is spent at my own house and nobody comes over. I just sit in my room and think about what could have been. I’m tired of everything 

The worst part is I can’t do anything about any of this. I can’t kill myself bc of what will happen to my mom. But she’s the only person who will care. I’m very conflicted. I have dreams about shooting my self in the head all the time. I’m thinking about ways to kill my self every day. I can’t do it anymore it’s gonna happen eventually 

And if I never happens I’ll just live out this stupid meaningless life until I die and rot in the grave. Life is fucking meaningless I wish I could end this suffering and get it over with. I wish I never had happiness so I wouldn’t feel what I feel today. 
",1.2222307692307697,3.357271569230772,2.5842948717948717,93.90028846153848,82.02564102564101,5.643589743589742,21.032051282051285,6.853354925485097,0.3537128205128206,1472,44,323,17,40,475,185,390,0.156,0.657,0.188,0.8993,2,3,0,1,1,1,33.0,0,1,3,1,19,38,11,0,13,0,32,11,2,2,6,57,71,24,4,8,5,4,2,2,5,5,4,1,1,4,20,28,0,1,5,4,1,5,10,17,1,1,12,7,44,21,42,51,11,52,0,4,4,5,27,21,6,2,23,197,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247112310784908,0.0,0.05595753559459987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275250817183896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939460315501615,0.0,0.0,0.05758197412419516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574211635929794,0.0538050647229525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343254699435234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426846634693502,0.0,0.0,0.060275708231766825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760369782677906,0.0,0.0,0.09025383896712616,0.0,0.06026780691060104,0.0,0.07262112495806887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061975478118584074,0.0,0.0,0.04621663274947544,0.0,0.2358217254829639,0.20058714802373245,0.18866217662982815,0.0,0.13192899411722206,0.0,0.0707610956986111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27030556911005144,0.3234454379205666,0.03655810428179037,0.0,0.0397673770012286,0.1173803855786892,0.05596395304786892,0.15429138029878947,0.0,0.0,0.185631185241736,0.07448776300898517,0.0,0.0,0.07181268127382329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393051812923362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147933536092002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482993699146425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884826837025036,0.06837073332013015,0.0,0.06178760965719252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948870475777977,0.0,0.0,0.09341529674075026,0.14188366597723828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819517556480403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190291592286418,0.13516108787524686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342509323949163,0.0,0.04741564516957041,0.05321776489917247,0.0,0.0,0.07769694788179046,0.07577414705934844,0.0,0.0,0.061097891424908825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701497464042602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055645490033774433,0.0,0.07081660502352942,0.1672787213994708,0.0,0.14599459768265974,0.0,0.07182647506146513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132885633422195,0.059288057697165435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056241800421116296,0.061159653162778625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450798627570965,0.0,0.0,0.1632077216212258,0.16084777925802152,0.06632640335607239,0.06686238267457748,0.0,0.0475072035557176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320563238181713,0.0,0.055541462064128064,0.0,0.0,0.06291430218797155,0.0648658491260965,0.0,0.0,0.24139714924344766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650469982740896,0.0,0.045060440869001864
suicidewatch,sukapidar123321,2019/01/27,"The fog It's no ones fault.

I've been empty for a long time now.

I've been trying to get my feelings back,

But it's not working.

It's been happening since i was 12,

I think.

​

I see no future.

I know i have one,

I'm smart enough to get stuff done here in life.

But i can't see it.

​

It's hard to walk through the fog. 

Everything feels so heavy,

It's hard to breathe.

The mask har become my only friend.

It defines me.

​

I'm existing on autopilot.

I'm not controlling my own body.

What is existence, if not yourself?

One might wonder.

​

Those who have hurt me know who they are.

I hope.

But it's not their fault.

​

Those who have been nice to me know who they are.

They have prevented me from doing this for a long time.

Thank you.

It's not your fault.

​

Thank you for everything, everyone.

Live life.

Party hard.

Have lots of sex.

Laugh lots and cuddle with your pets.

Have a good time.

​

I've seen a lot.

I've seen enough.

Enough to conclude that i don't feel at ease on this earth.

​

I've never cried as much as i have this last month.

It's weird.

My body says ""Don't go"".

But my brain has made up it's mind.

The network we call thought,

consciousness.

I know I'm not thinking clearly.

But I'm done now.

I'm sick of this fog,

I want to get out.

​

So therefore I'm making a decision,

And that is,

That I'm done now.

Sorry to everyone that i have dissapointed,

Am dissapointing,

And will dissapoint.

​

Your thoughts fly towards the ending.

The mask sits on tight.

The same expression,

The same,

Fake laugh.

The one that i hate.

The same,

Recycled,

Facial expressions.

​

I know how to act around people.

I have read them, understood them,

And their exceptions,

But it's so boring.

When you follow the recipe,

After you saw what everyone else did,

That's why I'm a bit weird.

​

I guess i never really did have talents.

""You're very nice"" i was told.

Is that a talent?

Maybe.

But i was never really good at anything.

Always just average.

Jack of a few trades, master of none.

Very few.

​

I also want to learn to play the piano.

But it's difficult.

Procrastination and little motivation.

I can't feel any will,

In this fog.

I can't see it.

​

There were lots of lies too.

A lot of people thought i could make/compose music.

Lies.

I just wanted to be something.

One redeeming quality.

All the people that know me know that it's all a lie.

​

I guess that's how it is with a lot of things.

A lot of things i said people said,

A lot of people i said i knew,

A lot of things i said i could.

They're all lies.

​

I always tried my best.

I really did.

But it's hard.

Yes, it was.

I think.

​

Is it this way for everyone?

Maybe,

Don't know.

But I'm too weak.

It's too much for me.

​

I think it's time to lean back and say goobye now.

I said all i have to say.

I think.

  
I love my brothers.

I hope you know i love you.

You're everything to me.

Get married, get kids.

Make those kids smart.

Give them love.

Make sure they eat their broccoli.

They'll get used to the taste.

​

My mom and dad were good as well.

They didn't do everything perfectly,

But they tried.

That means a lot.

​

I don't really have any bestfriends i can say anything to.

They don't know me.

They know <firstname>,

They know <firstname + lastname>,

And any other nickname.

But not me.

​

It's only <Only childhood friend>.

Thank you,

Even now,

When we're so far apart,

I still think about you.

Thank you.

​

But i guess they were all good friends of <firstname>,

A lot of them were.

Thank you for that.

​

Some were a bit silly and stupid. 

But i guess that what kids and teens are like.

I guess i did love <Childhood crush> for a couple of years as well.

9th to 10th grade.

But i knew so little.

Didn't really have a chance.

But that's okay too.

As long as she's happy, I'm happy.

She's very kind,

So she deserves that.

​

I guess i was awfully sad and a downer through this entire thing.

But that's me i guess,

Under the mask.

I wonder if my mom and my dad would recognize me.

I doubt it.

They haven't seen me for 6 years,

Even though we live in the same house.

​

They have been fighting and complaining about my messy room.

I felt safe there.

The mask came off

But they never understood,

Why i so rarely cleaned up.

Me neither.

Funny how that works.

But i never intended to be lazy.

I promise.

​

Thanks to <Psychologist> as well.

He made my days brighter.

A great man.

​

I guess I'll say hi to <Childhood dog>,

And my grandfather too,

I hope they recognize me.

I did get a haircut after all.

But i think dogs recognize by smell.

And my grandfather died before my mask came on.

The fog,

Everything.

I'm starting anew.

I think they'll recognize me,

After all these years. ",0.3140150468826981,2.7340143846949374,1.4134626569407909,96.48804904117769,95.94932781799379,4.705590527681962,18.382383764913282,6.471334282631904,0.04076827800642669,3798,115,808,51,149,1186,324,967,0.092,0.762,0.146,0.9947,0,0,1,0,2,0,320.0,2,13,23,8,40,59,3,1,40,3,71,17,5,14,15,161,176,58,1,11,32,5,10,1,2,6,4,10,3,4,64,23,2,4,40,2,1,6,27,16,3,5,47,29,133,43,77,119,36,64,0,2,7,6,79,21,0,29,36,510,197,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013223298796253693,0.027517441204833057,0.4837326750501896,0.5424904236417679,0.03373377775509185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027214338195260392,0.01471995091782416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025429298843247503,0.0,0.0,0.018261974761170998,0.014070349402416808,0.0,0.017352810483133026,0.0,0.03610459923287095,0.03673405181726956,0.0,0.018458898753422725,0.016884422439147017,0.03782402883241895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01854578054310797,0.026404233760125233,0.018296030032594127,0.01816328544657108,0.010663921020553723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017161063725138263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076415585861155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01691977239174242,0.01381314787818146,0.0,0.014645395950600206,0.051256253494684406,0.0,0.02184286129505727,0.0,0.0,0.0632008722285988,0.0743044496932349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03344304217941059,0.0,0.01587651153006583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832546878971435,0.0,0.06047319844309891,0.015862196894163353,0.009397410068953432,0.055476206907019834,0.0,0.01823026158762963,0.14572425672679404,0.0,0.014622139224391182,0.03520433616191625,0.059249637376209974,0.01632521674557126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049269946088575337,0.0,0.01907955271983032,0.017701414589852832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017219003452932934,0.1090486304733876,0.013478502286827057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023358787592465628,0.008078327842749988,0.03314549272640658,0.029202001686514375,0.04389974468645222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546352248398819,0.0596951298111145,0.031292261347494375,0.04414984926758825,0.0,0.03322392640923635,0.01801182373326235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017541373889918527,0.016695971336186916,0.03873196130946791,0.013198344016469613,0.0,0.024310742776343937,0.0,0.06376533593685094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602384352992126,0.0251517297555345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731758508431261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016539806407867574,0.0,0.05296478453124448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864443505616406,0.06574779728608755,0.0,0.0,0.03952955561420299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013678197263795131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.012729706195323804,0.0,0.018509950084342853,0.011703792892831886,0.0,0.013205137264979723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01892899876710057,0.0,0.0,0.01558435445120429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134107109269418,0.0,0.0,0.04394135860020053,0.0847613831503447,0.01624587945284325,0.03938161909520697,0.03856753958016572,0.0,0.0,0.0158002180571497,0.0,0.033679214474859234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014281217551178206,0.0,0.04093014114795773,0.029258901178711574,0.013124976656863907,0.0,0.0,0.04460174706851977,0.0,0.02984112992800681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035863723783866014,0.02407583684276951,0.0,0.0,0.011746225226554871,0.0,0.5424904236417679,0.03194463447167433
suicidewatch,RawrxD_OwO,2019/01/27,"Hi I don't know how to start this so i'll just say i'm in my schools musical, i'm not a lead or anyone important, i'm just ensemble. I've  been thinking about, well, this, for a while now. I haven't been diagnosed with depression or anxiety or anything for that matter. I've been planning on committing the act the day after the last performance, March second if I remember correctly. I've asked for help from friends but all I really seem to be is  the guy unable to be serious, everyone agrees that I could say anything and no one would know if i'm serious, people also say i'm just faking it for attention. I know my problems are almost basically nothing compared to other peoples, but i've learned that people online are the only people who listen anymore. Sorry for wasting your time, I just wanted to say something",5.020728402032752,6.062316956521741,6.388989271597969,75.32567476002262,68.87577639751552,9.829700734048561,32.648785996612084,10.018931242160765,3.4550571428571435,654,29,117,16,11,222,100,161,0.138,0.79,0.07200000000000001,-0.9081,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,10,7,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,3,33,26,12,0,6,12,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,1,8,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,5,1,2,3,5,10,2,16,19,1,12,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,7,8,76,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858507838632,0.0,0.0,0.1186625804068462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351330527535275,0.0,0.14715699305167315,0.10375349849692744,0.0,0.2442146732121863,0.0,0.13871895026545336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847249918188688,0.0,0.0,0.09569536354364297,0.0,0.12780286707557628,0.1506065720869202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417872101765868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464106125515355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692342602108907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994586248346594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446437927703573,0.12095271278507312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423783890055713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005487955766875,0.11285267014207302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114829531475411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198338753908232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505854930769128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809007433117085,0.0,0.0,0.47200344798946703,0.0,0.15017246557504546,0.0,0.13508316287577232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423320369846683,0.0,0.16610366853635028,0.10502691398036032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507843502639088,0.0,0.0,0.08652386664328833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752069024103798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341497910499925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054076911442009,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingelseisleft,2019/01/27,"Everything is crashing down on me I’m a 17 year old male. Recently, my life has taken a turn for the worse. A few days ago, my parents discovered gay porn on my phone. I am under constant surveillance and I’m afraid that I might be cut off. I’m not the brightest student... recently I had three exams, and my average has dropped from an 85 to an 80. I might not be able to get into my top university. I feel like a complete failure, incompetent, mediocre. I work so hard, but always score lower than my peers. I’m afraid I might suffer from a low IQ. Anyways, I absolutely hate everything about myself. I constantly scrutinize my sexuality, appearance, and intelligence. I can’t take this anymore, I’m planning on killing myself soon. ",2.0659327731092425,4.797841828571432,4.141764705882352,80.03617647058826,84.28571428571428,7.579831932773111,28.235294117647058,8.4952907291091,2.7166554621848733,576,28,105,15,17,196,95,140,0.228,0.722,0.05,-0.9772,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,3,2,9,0,11,3,0,0,0,12,23,5,1,0,3,1,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,2,20,1,14,16,1,20,0,2,0,2,3,9,0,4,10,67,22,3,0.16275634854295826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427368282719658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542632012698216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614105638191459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706469348781778,0.35176358504565736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496438031343652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925498229609483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229450010442026,0.1162731679193455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503347459313736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457977196896658,0.16068819863525652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800657853035694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495962225295213,0.07951453075737461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179762968947761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078540923110694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072166414168855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214045182279624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237251882681023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703217055273268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848856015802925,0.0,0.16586262382913194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480975228516937
suicidewatch,Goldengumdrop,2019/01/27,"I wish I had the courage to kill myself I hate living, I never asked to wake up everyday and have to live like why am I here why does any of this shit matter. If I had it any other way I would kill myself but then my kids wouldn't have a mom. Everything is so fucking depressing and nothing ever works out for me. I have no one no friends no family and I just feel like a fuck up, a curse on earth. Life but so much better without me. I just want to die already but I dont even have the balls to do that ",-0.696985446985444,1.2870117477477478,1.6661261261261266,98.32521829521828,89.18018018018017,4.8568260568260575,16.646569646569645,6.297961479604792,-0.4970989604989606,388,9,95,4,13,131,73,111,0.295,0.5670000000000001,0.138,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,2,7,12,6,0,5,0,12,5,2,0,2,19,19,10,3,5,7,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,1,16,5,12,15,1,9,0,1,0,2,4,4,3,1,6,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598615814382404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689882300834468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908889365582298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104390415578474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735677801683227,0.0,0.16551131112161827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955886052609334,0.0,0.18690513726994648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533264923131826,0.14425552179247675,0.0,0.0,0.14332709309717978,0.0,0.15034014416538952,0.0,0.08063605274802439,0.11392996238664364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232110606182752,0.2948666991179175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744991517898044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528739865587485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264288806809455,0.15582421396935311,0.0,0.2816411420599023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867768164409102,0.0,0.0,0.1172334936720444,0.0,0.1229980206828188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530218939569456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080653267795607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637002190138399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940633046534804,0.12658493259576062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28780526771776066,0.0,0.18338997408524133,0.15372954566618158,0.0,0.11610070873286844,0.0,0.0,0.11328744937466055,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,schismaticprism1986,2019/01/27,"Twenty years have led up to this decision. I've been depressed since I was 13. My family fell apart when my parents divorced. That made me really depressed. I tried to find comfort in the ""religion"" I was raised in. I attended gatherings. I spent time with people in the church. I read the Bible and prayed a lot. My biggest reason for praying was to ask God for forgiveness and strength to resist my homosexual urges. That was doomed to failure from the beginning. When I realized I couldn't go on denying my feelings I started to drift away from my old life in the ""religion."" I've had social anxiety my whole life, and at that point my self-esteem was nonexistent. I hated everything about myself and my life. My depression was pretty unbearable. I met someone online who was emotionally abusive from the beginning. We stayed together for five long years and remained friends for four more years. The whole time he used me for his narcissistic needs. On July 4, 2015 I attempted suicide for the first time. I was living alone in Miami, FL doing erotic massages for a living. I felt like I had no hope for the future. I hated everything about myself. I ended up moving back in with my ex thinking we could be friends and roommates. I ended up trying to overdose. It was the worst night of my life. I literally spent the night on the beach clinging to a large rock and vomiting bile. I couldn't hold down water for at least 24 hours after that. I gave up trying to be friends with my ex and moved back to my home state. I've been hospitalized three more times at home. The last time, I had my head in a noose ready to kick the chair. I was so ready to do it, but I lost the nerve. The next day I took myself to the er. I've been on many different meds and had many different counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists. I feel like it's all just making me numb and keeping me from drowning in depression. Nothing helps the way I feel about my life. I can't go on like this. I don't belong in this world. It's all wrong. Maybe I'm fucked up because of the cult I was raised in. I don't know. All I know is suicide is the only thing I've wanted in years. I need to find a way out soon.",2.5038482384823846,4.69277570370371,3.7336201445347785,87.06119918699189,77.8425925925926,7.085004516711834,23.962511291779585,8.096554002634818,1.4051429990966575,1712,58,345,31,41,557,210,432,0.136,0.79,0.07400000000000001,-0.9863,3,1,0,0,1,2,53.0,2,0,0,4,10,22,3,0,25,0,31,10,1,5,3,49,62,15,3,7,2,3,4,3,3,0,7,0,2,0,13,17,1,2,13,3,2,9,6,12,1,4,26,4,59,10,63,31,10,74,4,6,0,1,19,31,1,2,33,225,72,1,0.0,0.09566020580871464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361923808288982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061763624702802486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547824603097446,0.0,0.07585511917264309,0.12416362060343387,0.0,0.049216558249978885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446196733786719,0.0,0.0,0.05206872009735377,0.0,0.27815482242721673,0.0,0.0,0.16870607315407002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081831792772302,0.14301813019750292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512251490264907,0.0,0.07611170833317296,0.0,0.12246923990862227,0.05767856693048104,0.07752023232243355,0.0,0.14758440788000082,0.06867489619829859,0.0,0.0,0.18713174105146216,0.07464010469398986,0.0,0.0,0.09176945582723052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594222499614208,0.08285950921265828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411634488876569,0.0,0.16197169449167392,0.08019011103430351,0.07950973415060195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176280251818687,0.0,0.0,0.0887419459530054,0.06581147418024473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851348417297445,0.11833213800667315,0.0,0.14258459427511935,0.07144975142565597,0.0,0.0,0.08813403090302653,0.06863975543722142,0.0,0.07639535186801874,0.05389260993736816,0.16370939950479302,0.08111122172619864,0.0,0.08968066522757225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162142060922952,0.0,0.1197310038487989,0.0,0.0,0.08586477200874737,0.15153251028041342,0.0,0.07746938002552492,0.0,0.08471995588800886,0.0,0.0,0.061404167101436764,0.0,0.0,0.08964894298067884,0.0,0.0,0.055972906938434264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632261178574265,0.0,0.0,0.0821386085881066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807589017825412,0.0,0.05172222366348361,0.08301113741584812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422635457349388,0.0,0.0,0.0667865247118979,0.0,0.0,0.08230125826966189,0.06840824316567606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057146101798737685,0.08605495629307433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662646407026314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374194156063928,0.05363811062650966,0.051733043664396544,0.0,0.0,0.23539212492439615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970183679478934,0.16444547818857844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973089146932769,0.0,0.0,0.047620805795982935,0.12817062964239082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028007319898265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882732933475853,0.0,0.2079680607426356
suicidewatch,lowalchmyself,2019/01/27,"Help. Is a .22lr enough to do the job from point blank, like will it penetrate my skull.",0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,84.55555555555556,5.822222222222222,14.555555555555555,7.1686216300943375,-0.6629777777777783,68,1,17,1,2,20,18,18,0.0,0.743,0.257,0.6369,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5420274987522327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35161240565699714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5205609889378534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562814604754749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958941183328344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e-garner1,2019/01/27,"I don’t know what’s going on anymore I HATE myself. Absolutely fucking hate myself. I don’t even know where I’m going with this, sort of just gonna keep freehand writing. I feel like punishing myself. The only way I’ve been feeling better (except those days when things aren’t shitty) is by smoking, drinking and eating shit till my body pukes everything out and I feel like I’m in a daze. I don’t like it. I don’t want this. I want to feel like I’m healthy and that my life is good somewhere. But I just want to go into bed and fade away from existence. Why are things like this? They don’t fucking change and I’m tired of being positive. I just want to scream. Till someone, anyone, can just.... I don’t even know do what. So why do I feel like I need someone else for me to be happy. 


I guess I’m just tired. And I want to sleep. I want to stop thinking. I don’t know what I want to do. I just know I am tried and I want to be happy. ",-0.5785643564356455,1.5243968465346531,1.5810019801980209,98.1189485148515,90.43564356435644,4.22209900990099,16.990891089108914,5.6839178017228535,-0.6413012277227725,721,18,170,5,25,240,98,202,0.14800000000000002,0.625,0.227,0.7714,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,1,11,18,6,0,2,0,20,10,3,0,0,43,55,12,0,9,8,0,5,6,0,1,3,1,1,0,11,10,2,2,11,1,0,3,8,8,0,0,1,6,28,10,22,50,0,16,0,0,0,2,2,6,3,2,12,102,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885003946162056,0.0696945296857291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364720743326713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815374451443783,0.0,0.11071558453695872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054421046790668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428162377075483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764278575457712,0.0,0.1019916071280426,0.0832650179313645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316677598361232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958075871843785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519913935717061,0.2848291206028637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842944139659254,0.0,0.0,0.16994146261238924,0.08360200375059673,0.0,0.0,0.10980238679480414,0.0,0.0,0.21221011369999554,0.0,0.19681530626346436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859502333808103,0.0,0.0,0.2738917132863068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040284679836664,0.2921747245222024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390716853336328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580673310561595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023141508332368,0.0,0.0,0.09974619998125668,0.0,0.16890728029313634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833321080716635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324382408717072,0.0638672132353754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912169828901385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767225018498386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703234826765989,0.07911675356844082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988095403455462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedteen-00,2019/01/27,"It really sucks to have realized that life is meaningless at such a young age I realized it when I was 16, I’m 18 now. There really is no point, you grow up, you get a job, you try to make money but always end up not having enough of it, then you die. It’s really sad because I wish there was a purpose but in reality there really isn’t. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because of how sad I know my mom and dad would be. I couldn’t do that to them. They are so loving and they work so hard in this meaningless life just to do the same thing every other mid level family does. I probably won’t ever kill myself, im too much of a pussy, but god does it suck always wanting to be dead.",1.7053752759381915,2.875170701986754,4.243327814569536,87.0523206401766,77.0794701986755,7.947240618101546,19.205849889624727,8.59863814320734,0.8338339955849894,540,10,123,11,12,191,95,151,0.271,0.654,0.075,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,4,3,1,13,7,4,0,6,0,17,3,0,3,1,19,26,10,4,4,5,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,2,1,17,1,13,19,3,17,0,2,0,1,10,8,2,0,8,87,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627223416850263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924731758244448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384498886046178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27630764076872644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982668993112254,0.1631227608687159,0.0,0.0,0.14280319695963847,0.13301297662051031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882656103158073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248098872425984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142124770609624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052757875059202,0.0,0.1566624311710568,0.0,0.3493213485233105,0.0,0.08676167520523194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301766103666096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248458072850426,0.0,0.1053799997089164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848963989335247,0.0,0.0,0.1160532191703499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006787421866805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492389553430871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702114477201339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045443648720484,0.16231749857513186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488235935831254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718392536431487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311630122851892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154365437319095,0.0,0.0,0.1149318387977166,0.0,0.0,0.1121469025593198,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ophelie1995,2019/01/27,"What’s the easiest solution? I (F24) am French. My boyfriend (M29) lives in the US... 
I am currently in grad school but I’m lost... I’m thinking of dropping off and maybe find a job here in France to save money and spend time with my family... 
I was supposed to join my boyfriend in 1.5 years, after I finish grad school.. but everything has changed now that I want to quit... so he wants me to come live with him, and he got really upset that I wanted to stay in France for a year... 
I want to spend time with my family as the plan is for me to live in the US forever with my boyfriend... 
Anyway, so I’m lost, I don’t know what to do with my life, I don’t know who I want to be, and the worse is that whatever choice I make people get upset: if I stay in France for a year my boyfriend is sad and upset and he thinks I don’t love him... and if I go the US now, my family is going to be really sad... 
So I’m having thoughts about ending it all... if I am not here anymore, no one can be disappointed by my choices ... ",3.4337114498404837,3.0468087695852546,5.003870967741938,88.91811414392059,71.90322580645163,8.888904643743354,24.98723856788373,8.617729084823388,1.2288570719602985,761,18,188,12,13,259,104,217,0.121,0.777,0.102,-0.8483,2,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,3,0,0,4,9,10,0,3,9,0,18,2,0,1,1,33,41,16,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,6,0,6,3,5,8,0,1,5,0,31,2,31,33,1,25,0,5,0,1,10,8,0,3,11,120,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474703822296865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239923506167902,0.09966854311331416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247918762031097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398707780686406,0.0,0.327225619336777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057511394120518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045043848742933,0.0,0.1315142250642681,0.0,0.09253886566866328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481812724695953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717551986661788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172498662192787,0.0,0.0,0.3065056164901741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526086413288386,0.0,0.10442715971228676,0.0,0.07723315746741899,0.0,0.1162399773778735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840386141391355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802144179045932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306518976330465,0.0,0.0,0.14824558132958646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341967621114185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246649624056394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827659347894334,0.0,0.09185586026858583,0.134935584466994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175321269007199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412253736681934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179120150872414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352828155191007
suicidewatch,darklordoftech,2019/01/27,"What's the point of anything? Nobody wants to be my friend, and a life without friends isn't a life at all. Money, a house, etc., won't make me happ, only friends will. There's a reason they say, ""Money can't buy happiness.""",1.8289130434782592,3.4840960217391337,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695654,77.91304347826087,5.469565217391305,22.369565217391305,5.985473137389443,0.17693043478260906,171,5,38,1,4,55,37,46,0.121,0.804,0.076,-0.2283,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,2,1,6,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,4,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174774771328005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734208569572234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5682355347319882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609799099081058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28288446781137844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463308754584073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364779087606085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864570357311098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175769047265296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206775608010323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949629628970745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460312234473854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363277835268508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thegamingturkey,2019/01/27,"Just an average day Wake up at 3pm get yelled at for existing do a little bit of laundry wishing I had the courage to end it, go back to room and get on PC sitting pissed off because my room was turned into “the gaming room” (so basically there is a couch that SUPPOSEDLY makes a barrier on one side my stuff the other side my asshole brothers desk pc and Xbox right next to it is the “family Nintendo switch”) and try to ignore everybody the worst part of it all is everybody (except my sister who is the only good person in this house) screams at me for blocking him on steam and everything else even more and he and my mother are so toxic towards me 
I just want it to end",5.353667883211682,5.218340452554745,6.420136861313868,79.53487682481753,67.83211678832117,9.769708029197082,30.99361313868613,9.516144504307137,2.6216576642335765,530,19,108,10,8,178,94,137,0.116,0.821,0.063,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,10,0,8,2,2,1,1,17,15,8,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,9,7,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,4,0,1,2,2,10,2,21,13,5,25,0,0,0,0,8,18,1,0,5,76,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069554162539246,0.0,0.1273945048715711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815604019041005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477717768088046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745790392034684,0.0,0.3701950020890905,0.0,0.0,0.13803174236515006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878210463015068,0.0,0.1970112040095401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183706830800932,0.0,0.11877023509103835,0.1752855863466546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24113909527611746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945653826097396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949822180446106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222565027892702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141612742615867,0.1589414973961961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630894815576305,0.0,0.0,0.18247647884543572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847091141024124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923630203538485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188619316421275,0.2273142206391255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326398252293665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24032090562627895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,einszweikillmyself,2019/01/27,It's not getting better! It's just not! Stop saying it over and over as if it's some fucking mantra.,-0.8501515151515164,1.2785773181818172,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,94.0,2.9333333333333336,16.424242424242426,3.1291,-1.1452303030303028,79,2,18,0,3,26,15,22,0.13699999999999998,0.777,0.086,-0.2737,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912521850656501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135064542909263,0.2902007619280509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417177510406256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643827712800892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bconnell58,2019/01/27,3rd time and it’s time to go So I’ve been struggling in and outa the hospital now going on 2 years. I have manic depression and bipolar disorder. It’s an illness that can’t be stopped so I’ve decided that the only way is to end my life. I’ve lost 7 jobs the past year and am currently sitting on a hospital bed waiting for an ambulance so I can go get admitted once again. Life litterally is a living hell. No matter how far or how well I’m doing. It all comes crashing down and ends with a blade. But farewell to all. If anybody suffers from this than just know peace is just around the corner.,1.589086021505377,3.6224428548387095,3.5706451612903223,87.86763440860216,80.12903225806451,7.036559139784948,25.655913978494624,8.07648339933343,1.633781720430108,470,19,99,9,12,159,89,124,0.2,0.738,0.062,-0.9593,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,1,1,9,0,10,4,0,2,2,23,20,13,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,6,8,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,5,1,0,2,0,3,1,12,17,2,24,1,3,0,0,1,7,1,2,11,61,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158370066302784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570901924288065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568598619302536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233776504647988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613279975227531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065701065515966,0.0,0.3477762609049784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241672948836872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210099580798352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288151442740578,0.0,0.0,0.18011634558456358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226661253074824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172299545285381,0.0,0.1551344903452111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472011892619287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053477422748686,0.0,0.21324213485766927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378824699053235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190827304888122,0.0,0.0,0.1834007539371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627103390075604
suicidewatch,agrumpyzebra,2019/01/27,"The Claustrophobia of suicide I feel so suffocated by my suicidal thoughts, every day they get more and more pressing. i keep feeling more and more hopeless. i don't know what to do, i tried getting medical help but i only get one appointment every 6 months. My house has thin walls so i can't phone helplines without my family over hearing it. Which leads to another problem, my family and friends have no idea how to handle it and just overwhelm me with various 'ways to be happy' etc etc, they don't understand and end up making things worse by just suffocating me, with fluff. they don't or just refuse to acknowledge the underlying reasoning for my suicidal thoughts, mental illness, and just end up making me feel like shit for feeling suicidal (they don't mean to, they just don't know how to handle it). This has lead to a situation where i can't voice my struggle and just suffering in silence and i sacred i gonna lose that struggle if this keeps going",4.923747072599529,6.676044907103826,5.563594847775178,78.45602459016393,69.87431693989072,9.162997658079624,31.650663544106173,9.606745405546679,3.121908977361437,770,34,140,18,14,249,105,183,0.227,0.657,0.116,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,5,3,11,11,1,3,3,0,12,3,1,7,0,43,32,15,4,2,10,0,6,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,9,10,0,3,13,0,0,3,9,8,0,1,2,8,23,3,21,28,7,16,0,4,0,0,10,8,1,2,5,99,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957402861882503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354214982202975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019996024212981,0.0,0.2543549090518724,0.0,0.0,0.19215622144421596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150012002209099,0.0,0.230634980671956,0.08146552868575281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810197056974406,0.0,0.17873333343394446,0.0,0.06480784487225491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139074170817095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285240003958774,0.0,0.0764342264643548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157930576892227,0.0,0.12872989942123805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271636270581006,0.0,0.0,0.12533961796203374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055710989923680565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757427636282306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522364439496013,0.0,0.0,0.12421587116094278,0.0,0.1148767169500888,0.11491890965358105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910204221497036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727202567502668,0.08672758708544312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911462344647883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724539211486515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705371096918225,0.0,0.12817839012231586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384250694993852,0.0,0.4989364001613243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575876573286182,0.0,0.0,0.18105966377355584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742123596078421,0.0,0.0,0.11871285649229545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051445503481499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992418894877336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162098408535598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,surreallamppost,2019/01/27,"Wanting to die, need to get it out somewhere I need to get this out in a place where none of my friends can see. My friends don't know I have a Reddit and I don't want them getting on my ass. 

​

I hate life right now. I've been nothing but stressed for as long as I can remember and no one in my family takes me seriously. I have a job that I enjoy but it can be incredibly stressful as it is a food service job, and I've been losing hope for everything because no one cares or wants to listen and I feel like a god damn failure. I'm 19 and I'm a trans man living in a house where I have to hide because most of my family turns my existence into a fucking joke or a debate.

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I came to this thread a few years ago but I'm not doing any better. I'm not. I've been trying to hold onto my art and my creations but all they do is frustrate me. I have no energy. I KNOW I have depression and PTSD from abuse at the hands of a family member who we cut off since then, but for 7 years I've been caught in turmoil and no one wants to help me get the help I need. I was literally begging my mom for a therapist, for professional diagnosis, but she made nothing but excuses and now I'm suffering for it. I've been trying to find resources, but everything is the same stupid bullshit. I fucking hate it and I want to just die so fucking badly, but I'm also scared to and I wish I wasn't. I'm stressed out about the dumbest shit, and while I know that that's just a sign of bigger stresses in my life, it makes me feel stupid anyway.

I don't have a future and all I'm good at doing is being stressed, depressed, and angry. My friends don't deserve someone like me. They deserve better than some unstable fuck who is constantly worried about one stupid fucking thing or the other. 

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If things seem off then it's because I've come back to it. But I have more to add.

​

I know I have a problem of perfectionism and putting myself to impossible standards. I've been trying to get into a new craft, and it's a major cause of stress for me, but I can't let myself make bad things. And it's so tiring. I hate being like this, and I hate that it affects me so much. It's straw on the camel's back but it's pretty heavy on its own. 

​

Sorry if it's jumbled. I'm mad and angry and I've been so upset I've been unable to function or talk to anyone else.",2.107829558652732,3.5034107440476205,3.8839082462253214,89.11149825783974,76.48015873015873,6.583739837398375,24.594270228416573,7.217587316427113,0.9284715060007742,1861,62,409,21,41,627,210,504,0.308,0.588,0.104,-0.9991,2,1,0,0,1,0,61.0,1,0,3,3,16,47,17,9,23,0,38,12,3,5,2,84,89,49,2,13,22,1,3,3,3,0,3,1,0,1,28,29,1,1,9,2,0,4,13,34,0,4,13,5,52,13,55,72,11,41,0,4,1,6,17,23,8,10,17,271,80,4,0.0,0.06552467543294943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902252106379085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044225562099365706,0.0,0.29960234904393857,0.3359942663373973,0.03760774337128561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038668944962009066,0.056664168035679675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850487501238337,0.09235091592532407,0.1011360673331186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782151655790013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325157442748942,0.05638480481527688,0.05681112328760592,0.0,0.04763839309865008,0.0,0.05976258947388791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526429671340236,0.0,0.11479097631557653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046198323027179036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940503061455014,0.0,0.1564034368215044,0.0,0.055925429860068564,0.03950827144481347,0.0,0.0,0.05054568063881429,0.0,0.06687226384805622,0.0,0.1281802238656981,0.2556323495756844,0.1444669331815102,0.0,0.0,0.046385294460312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183999312399763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413648976554651,0.0,0.0,0.054928075410603336,0.0,0.06381190931555117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975882479636266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215717059502561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056550774104463374,0.07812388777973905,0.08105434094171557,0.0,0.04883331152505655,0.048941163489578415,0.0,0.061869593449278525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052328767154731205,0.07382998488299075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476987272674346,0.0,0.0,0.04065385955891388,0.12301878979031618,0.0,0.053411707839948336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612889527573853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989820674881138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057779567760352875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626274397749045,0.0,0.0529172305301201,0.06464591569676004,0.0555945044114294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264719674165539,0.047228217395995226,0.0,0.0,0.055367666471101126,0.0,0.04406910467937481,0.050345515729207306,0.0,0.0,0.05676744337389869,0.04574697825543563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685781190281377,0.0,0.0,0.061906862994216424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800944467898216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158076001291063,0.044450228386116564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421071586964773,0.110222001717202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356233681962924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264074223579752,0.060153474561848386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309487405226947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359539426361141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056162592675706814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359942663373973,0.07122627201863957
suicidewatch,Unlucky_Past,2019/01/27,"I wanted to tell yall what i had to experince this week I was depressed as fuck this week, Barely ate all week i probably had half of a sandwich a day i saw no light in the dark hole that i was in i was on the verge of killing my self if i didnt have my dad to talk to i would've probably hanged myself by now  i was literally fucking shaking while standing next to people because of so much shame and hatred to myself i hated the fact that i exist i lost all my confidence talking to people and barely talked to my friends i called my dad like 20 times a day just to talk to him and he made me feel a bit better everytime i talked to him.

today Like magic i decided that i should love myself again and take life easier, and i feel much better now i've never been so depressed in my life but now i feel good. dont ever lose hope.",1.6400186219739297,3.071229240223463,3.6327150837988817,90.27238733705774,77.8268156424581,6.561042830540037,21.43054003724395,7.3011,0.5496946741154569,650,17,146,8,15,221,99,179,0.138,0.733,0.129,-0.1674,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,4,8,18,4,2,7,0,11,7,0,1,5,21,25,11,1,4,3,2,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,4,0,0,2,4,10,0,1,12,5,32,8,20,12,5,23,0,4,1,3,16,5,2,2,17,99,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745978274938786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645905787517847,0.13360030673982978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495715587066683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784173204151725,0.0,0.21080045210216267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342098004036355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069395209736582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562734894234006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454556104663636,0.2262648934452739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264119277070227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081862206723044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154462405250595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353882876689221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287222424464418,0.11957114613295045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369047872123751,0.13358527023061306,0.0,0.11044697660537747,0.11579288521230685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991739340707724,0.0,0.09438208562387812,0.0,0.13014574114622288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967693006554474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26387893606725155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276623821803802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200973829516487,0.4917964317748178,0.10695994427215023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135704629868206,0.0,0.1159958900985918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721791360916578,0.0,0.2944822275544892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869307139060616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sushicrunch,2019/01/27,"If I could go back If I could start my life over, I'd have played a sport in school, I'd have taken care of my body and worked out from a young age. I'd have invested my time in learning how to fight, how to cook, how to fix things around the house. I would have reached out to my family and spent more time with them. I would have cut my hair, dressed nicer, kept my chin up, socialized more in school.. I'd have had so many friends and girlfriends. I would have left my house more to go see people, to go on adventures exploring around my town, to experience more. I would have gotten a job at 16 and saved my money, and at 18 if I still didn't know what I wanted from life I'd just take my money and start walking.. Anywhere. Travel the country, just to experience more..

But at 22 and four days old, I look at the past four years out of high school, I look at all the time before that and I just think ""where has it all gone""? Do you know how much farther along I'd be if I had dedicated my life to personal achievement from a young age? I'm starting at zero.. I can't find the motivation, energy, or care to start. I know there are others much older than me who share these sentiments, and to that -- I hope you find better than me. I spend every day, every hour thinking of suicide, of death, of *being free* from all the pain, all of the stress and feelings of wasted potential and missing out. One of these days is gonna be it. I've been feeling it since I was ten. I'm destined to end my life. I always have been. ",2.314018987341772,3.6101574525316487,3.4174481012658227,93.07438734177215,75.74050632911394,6.7015696202531645,21.500759493670888,7.24861992348623,0.3690092658227839,1169,28,272,13,25,377,159,316,0.08199999999999999,0.804,0.113,0.7907,1,0,0,0,1,2,49.0,0,2,1,4,14,15,2,1,11,0,29,8,2,5,4,58,60,22,2,12,9,0,3,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,11,19,1,1,12,4,6,7,2,5,0,5,11,6,35,11,46,39,11,52,0,1,3,0,10,23,0,6,22,177,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167516638671213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476253427318886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547730178323703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835250719721518,0.0,0.0,0.08681261177129843,0.0,0.10903120576874868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015687110439734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567420582181964,0.0,0.0,0.18991101328175253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693869042260093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540438742125008,0.0,0.0,0.19203435862024487,0.09253445334762953,0.0,0.0992630824264811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942893156501746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583648535118591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735604708430415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370912211635827,0.0,0.0974928595212054,0.09666567662934213,0.2265218820858225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740648663814927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618349063028561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066487545719636,0.0,0.27732707398265105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485568796067165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951661920878337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431457826781588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300011624250152,0.0,0.06651427664176532,0.0,0.10444683714084768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937027424082204,0.0680502705727382,0.08570761903442314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980228513513026,0.07821907102359899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119715994483692,0.0,0.0,0.10005953237139424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779064302562466,0.0,0.07838895886054714,0.0,0.11243944688474362,0.0,0.0,0.1073687193297634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380246193627052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521169152710353,0.12579113044050674,0.0,0.0,0.171709836075686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789602321124523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146005929094755,0.0,0.0,0.2789139855419881,0.0,0.0,0.06321041544077026
suicidewatch,Funky_Smidgen,2019/01/27,"Uncomfortably numb I have a wife, and a 3 year old son. I have a good job, live in a nice house, in one of the best neighbourhoods in our country, drive a nice car, wear good clothes, eat good food and generally should be in the top 10% of people and peoples’ mood scales - happiness levels, if there’s such a thing. 

And yet. And yet, I feel like I’m dying inside. I’m here because I genuinely don’t know who I can talk to openly about this. I’m almost folded in upon myself with stress. I can’t cope with simple tasks, and I’m an expert at covering it up. I can’t cope with social interaction, it fills me with rising dread, every second that goes by in conversation, my anxiety levels rise and I find an exit. 

On the surface, apparently I’m hugely charismatic, a natural leader, funny, engaging, encouraging. 

Underneath all that, I’m in a foetal position, in unbearable pain, hypersensitive, sorrowful, numb. 

I feel trapped between these feelings, the persona, and the inability to selfishly take my own life - mostly because of my son but also the rest of my family. 

I feel like, somewhere way back, without really processing it, I adopted a persona to cope with my crippling anxiety and introversion. That persona has been successful. 
Meanwhile the real me suffers in private. 

No one I know (anymore, at least)... do I feel comfortable confiding in. There was someone who I might have been able to talk to, but he took his own life a while back. 

I’m numb. ",4.6901598887730245,6.395171401459859,6.035797705943698,75.02816301703164,70.38686131386862,9.452624261383386,30.565867222801533,9.842372674337009,3.2040071602363565,1140,48,203,29,21,384,160,274,0.115,0.746,0.139,0.8621,2,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,0,0,3,10,23,0,2,19,0,15,9,1,0,1,34,31,14,1,2,4,3,5,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,11,15,2,0,8,0,0,6,5,9,0,3,4,5,24,13,34,24,7,37,0,2,0,0,14,23,0,4,9,136,35,2,0.13042777902290284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306045804377916,0.0,0.0,0.10430304776235674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995537879119812,0.0,0.1293493098010189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058182248456252,0.0,0.1590151270109689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687590733003233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536344273511064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334601792711587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989102913077832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295570228772053,0.0,0.32974101995126043,0.1863552627893286,0.0,0.0,0.11920862712848801,0.0,0.1577137881130688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281898988210459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884279606457614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049614542361167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942944534377498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433593927397772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424999506310372,0.12744084933799493,0.0,0.11517011842490682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836326221229162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686201377055038,0.0,0.17676247712674226,0.0,0.13878435272253198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808443991711282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845536680279925,0.08355537503622693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295469555633194,0.11051103391196487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940458020126904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806545788784697,0.20966581652429808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866504208866179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491006155480965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352750007498428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572772465193002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399121344804034
suicidewatch,Hoping1357911,2019/01/27,I don’t want to be live anymore. I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have no family. I have one friend. Two children one of which I’m in a custody battle over and fighting false reports and allegations to CPS. I’ve only been able to see him for 6 hours in the last 3 months. Didn’t get to start seeing him until February and CPS is closing the case which means supervised visitation are no longer an option through them and his father is no longer speaking to me. My abusive SO family is constantly telling me how sorry they are for my daughter for having me as a mother. I’m want to end it all but SO might end up in prison or jail and I don’t want my daughter bounced around in foster care or worse yet raised by my narc mother or my SO’s shit parents. I’m only alive for my children and I don’t know how much longer that can keep me going.,2.8799031476997565,4.315339254237292,4.340714285714288,86.46012711864407,74.5367231638418,7.0910411622276035,25.637207425343018,7.7094869923839395,1.2847614205004034,676,23,142,9,14,225,106,177,0.154,0.772,0.07400000000000001,-0.928,1,0,0,0,2,1,10.0,0,0,2,0,7,5,3,0,6,0,16,1,1,2,1,23,32,17,0,3,4,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,3,0,3,2,3,20,2,23,28,2,20,0,0,2,0,19,9,1,5,9,93,24,2,0.14987828310201504,0.3551625143953341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863898334114167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342344800207107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281089848644885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196517879773306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859289542437145,0.2654953451941925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825838129659491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157955897354606,0.0,0.0783052169227942,0.0,0.08517928223326464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759991817443796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321870451220147,0.0,0.0,0.0823691847371422,0.12217080471611312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234526987651687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326138862239012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589971733025577,0.0,0.0,0.11963141564980012,0.0,0.11017778329626074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031228070207593,0.22797837614636185,0.0,0.0,0.1664220964858159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609131856699268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886717365115565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384790379541666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777646721693715,0.10608462019889582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100022558389882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464093044243629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652062837579492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273877494090055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phallicgod27,2019/01/27,"I don't belong in this world. I need to find a way out soon. I've been suicidal for about twenty years. It started when I was 13 when my parents divorced, and I started to realize I was LGBT. I realized the cult I grew up in was not the truth. All I've wanted for the past twenty years is to end my life. I've been hospitalized four times for attempts. I've been on medication and have sought therapy. Nothing seems to help. All I want is to find a way out of this world. I'm done. I have no hope for the future. I feel like every breath I take is a waste of time and air. I want to put a gun in my mouth and blow the fucking brain right out of my stinking rotten skull. I don't care if anything happens after... heaven, hell, or nothing... I don't care. If the cult I was raised in was right and I'm resurrected to judgment and eternal destruction, so be it. I don't give a fuck anymore. I need to get out of this nightmare called life.",0.3729696099545343,2.3802999748743723,2.455463029432881,94.33626465661644,84.42713567839195,5.398516391481216,21.033979420914093,6.655083550727371,0.2421828667145252,721,23,167,8,21,242,103,199,0.182,0.747,0.071,-0.9727,1,0,0,1,1,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,4,0,11,0,19,9,4,0,3,29,39,12,1,8,4,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,9,3,21,6,28,29,2,33,2,0,0,2,5,15,3,5,15,102,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838008434360555,0.0,0.0,0.11482446867197715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557659220976919,0.14247966064785025,0.0,0.2845281169966661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279157264390555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358557437279645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756328582746665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055250657710507,0.09968300960527787,0.0,0.0,0.25506282023308713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579935899627209,0.0729006770548957,0.13385358242221007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338932185246393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352659773692423,0.0,0.0,0.13858859597041154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711376810872136,0.06816919049410168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056567316135465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692516201199326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26777298272708383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493582659598662,0.0,0.1332008474539392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027005775198742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383222892908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702637560409058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975255529969613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262738354511568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491208924570287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595691168262153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272661890595735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24690203801145916,0.22151094913915195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971044791721094
suicidewatch,NoHopeHarry,2019/01/27,"I dont know how much longer I can take it I go to a high school in LA and I usually get alright grades (Bs and Cs) and my mom has never been satisfied with them, calling me retarded, idiot, dumbass etc. I have been able to put up with that for years and I never minded because I knew I would go to college soon and never have to speak with her again. But in some bs coding class I took last semester I failed the final and ended with a D in that semester (in my school that is a fail that requires remediation). The reason this D is so bad is that I now have to go to summer school which means I can't get a job which my dad wanted for me. When he found out about the grade he beat the fuck out of me and now no one in my house talks to me or acknowledges me. My dad has been, one of my only support systems and now he changed his mind about me. I dont have many friends either so I really have no one to talk to so one of my only options is suicide. this is pointless",2.8241428571428564,3.1421806523809512,4.532380952380954,89.28428571428573,73.42857142857143,7.7142857142857135,24.523809523809533,7.7094869923839395,0.941380952380952,747,20,177,9,14,254,112,210,0.181,0.7979999999999999,0.022,-0.9877,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,4,12,8,2,0,8,1,20,1,0,2,3,34,34,15,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,14,0,1,6,0,0,5,8,5,0,4,6,1,30,3,28,27,4,30,0,2,0,1,14,9,1,3,15,129,40,11,0.12102956823377127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105463406675658,0.07377850143946862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358472108363222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803323524328006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836915051775806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071962739760567,0.0,0.13497996130216486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325819761215381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327026745916748,0.09350714419058682,0.11188988558764128,0.12646590818186607,0.0,0.20635167826424008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278743838233775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965187200088833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010317130327645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651468550462755,0.09865525171181228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270498584715743,0.0,0.13183668084030886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441072452901946,0.14174836754719472,0.0,0.0,0.08897065849242555,0.0,0.28003639277428344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280510708201944,0.18409688088600412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166814466599385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753464054976825,0.1244385535904414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674651535385308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238670375393174,0.13734291976641105,0.0,0.0,0.09099917299618407,0.19455796485548507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446830356306325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329697048089248,0.0,0.07138637511226398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859759327653167,0.0,0.0,0.07793907383228399
suicidewatch,wd3war,2019/01/27,"Lost everything. 4 kids, one by one. My job. The chance to finally complete my undergrad. I was inducted into Tau Sigma. I served in our state defense force and was decorated multiple times for my work. Nobody will ever remember that. They’ll remember what my soon so be ex has accused me of, regardless of the concrete video evidence to the contrary. I’m going to lose my home and car this coming week. I’m sorry I didn’t make enough money to keep her happy. I’m sorry, y’all, but I honestly can’t do this anymore. Be good. ",0.9431318681318679,3.509548807692312,3.5321428571428584,82.97000000000003,89.76923076923076,7.2021978021978015,23.77472527472528,8.192908349453996,2.1127302197802207,412,17,77,11,14,143,78,104,0.07200000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.127,0.8201,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,1,3,3,6,1,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,12,18,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,2,2,1,1,3,2,3,0,2,4,0,14,3,10,10,1,11,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,49,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872743243166012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626652796989556,0.1979906932350303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951178108077166,0.0,0.0,0.17081274874652735,0.0,0.0,0.16971339770964314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068603361115295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731970959056203,0.15838646953687607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101916940430656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189417655995076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739034603829785,0.1678458928677967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125890418778093,0.20613653020598646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260493308022775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559199853432737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278281914015962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227723283355036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011164557563168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147264986780212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747467648836625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RGBThrowaways,2019/01/27,"I Just lost the last thing which had meaning to me. Fuck. If you would've asked me 2 months ago how my life is, I would've said ""I'm helping this guy who has some issues"". Now? He just blocked me because I was too attached... He was the only thing which held meaning to me, knowing that maybe I could be useful to someone... I'm more harmful than helpful, like, fuck... I Have nothing to live for now. He was all I had, but now he's the one improving in life and now I'm stuck in a fucking hole I dug myself, and I'm never getting out, he climbed out of his hole, and I just jumped right in. I Have absolutely nothing left, I'm worthless, I'm useless, and I can't even help anyone right. Fuck, I can't even put any passion into this because I feel so fucking empty inside. I Would kill myself, but I don't even have the motivation to do that. In the past 4 years whenever I have met someone, I have always thought ""This is the one, I can't wait to make good memories with this person"". But no. I Always somehow fuck it up. I'm honestly thankful that nobody has to suffer in my presence for an extended period of time, It just fucking hurts that nobody has wanted to stick around with me. It fucking hurts...",2.118269969278036,3.719553657258068,3.622972350230416,90.12172043010756,76.94354838709677,6.014132104454688,25.51920122887865,6.655083550727371,0.8779798003072199,929,34,199,8,21,307,129,248,0.17,0.703,0.127,-0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,1,0,3,16,21,9,0,8,0,23,11,0,4,2,37,55,10,1,4,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,16,10,0,3,6,0,0,3,6,16,0,2,11,2,29,5,25,41,3,28,0,6,0,9,16,13,8,3,13,131,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126983376159337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525721712787586,0.0,0.0,0.06234634583472196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641056122901009,0.0,0.0,0.08161568715388894,0.08570952663606124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177599194689088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319996153978603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816636628704225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635675898694752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6780621837728024,0.04789963220549493,0.0,0.0,0.0768978234486704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077878164388048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435588587153304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629319736349574,0.0,0.0,0.09569133171572056,0.0,0.0,0.10143164124603088,0.0,0.05038557849684061,0.0747323976884061,0.0,0.0,0.09961186961149048,0.0,0.12951425660885418,0.04479079323165916,0.0,0.08095616103678521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008083741276187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119789912736105,0.0,0.09210606743792316,0.19973536312609227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317904266197185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071017747461249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759411284690436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425107970053895,0.06972766820238473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752005962440444,0.0,0.08005246949421613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216490775118967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659045244263978,0.0872097963338453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536233148100806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440771218396156,0.0,0.0,0.12181780349172948,0.0,0.0,0.07278461551109422,0.053460032955315664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079183102602755,0.0,0.0,0.05407593495384784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538303803080775,0.0,0.0,0.0590396736112417
suicidewatch,kaliask-leo,2019/01/27,"I Need help. My life has gone to shit. Please. So...this is probably gonna get a bit Long, but please try to read it, I don't know anywhere else to find help.  
First of all, I'm not a native Speaker, so there could be some language mistakes etc.

I don't even really know how to start this...I'll try not to ramble too much, but I'm bad at describing what exactly my Problems are.

I'm 16 years old and have been diagnosed with 'severe periodical Depression' (I do think it was chronical or clinical Depression, but that's what they wrote down) About one and a half years ago. My therapist at the time thought it would be best to get me into a clinic, because I was dangerously suicidal and had made several attempts to end my life, having almost daily thoughts of suicide.

During my time in the clinic, life seemed to get better. There, I was diagnosed with severe social anxiety. I stayed at the clinic for About 3 months, a short time really, but I felt strong enough to get my shit together.

I was so wrong About that. I was with my therapist for another month, but I never felt comfortable and just wanted to get out. I visited several Group therapies and other therapists for one-on-one therapy, but it all felt awful, I dreaded each Appointment and tried to get around it. And during that time, it still seemed like I didn't Need any more therapy, like I was Ready to get my life back on track. So I stopped going to any therapy and tried helping myself. Life seemed bearable for the next couple of months, and than it all went to shit again.

I have a lot of Problems, and I'm really sure, that I have a lot of undiagnosed mental issues. I never really talked to any of my therapists About \*all\* of the shit I was really having, because I never felt comfortable.

And until now, life has been getting worse and worse. There are many Things contributing to my poor state. Constant fights between and with my Family, I'm failing School, the suicidal thoughts are back, but at the same time, I'm having existential Crisis and mental breakdowns. I have Nothing else than hatred for myself, how I look, how I behave, what I think, how I treat others, etc...(I won't explain all These Things, it would take Hours to write it all down).

I really can't go on like this, everythings falling apart and I just wanna end it all, even though the thought of death, an afterlife or whatever Comes after, if there is anything, scares me to death (haha wordplay.).

I know nothings gonna get better. I've tried so many Things to get my life back together, I've tried therapy, Group therapy, clinics and all Kinds of stuff (except for medication, which they won't give me, because I'm most likely to kill myself with pills). I really don't know, where I can get any help.

So that's what I'm asking for. Is there any way I can get help? I really want to find a therapist so I can tell somebody all of my Problems, because I have no one with whom I can talk. I Need someone to help me, or I'm not gonna be able to get though These days. 

Please, if you know anything, please help me. I'm just so done, I just want it all to stop, my life, These awful, awful days, but I can't do that, I don't have the guts to end it, not yet. But If I'm not getting out of this hole now, I know I'm gonna become desperate enough for Peace to end it all.",4.319784837787863,5.1617187428139175,5.276942007060011,83.39204101529674,70.3464447806354,8.961788535888385,26.64047739115818,9.21078282632365,1.9971849453689696,2583,79,531,51,45,848,252,661,0.217,0.672,0.11,-0.9983,0,0,0,0,1,3,113.0,0,1,2,7,39,32,7,2,18,4,49,23,5,5,16,120,117,45,6,17,25,0,4,4,0,8,18,1,0,0,36,28,0,2,22,1,1,7,18,18,0,4,24,6,66,14,75,81,24,66,0,3,1,0,24,16,4,14,44,345,102,3,0.043244234875389184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038333405009205866,0.0,0.043302854610916604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703781311632622,0.04534535080114396,0.033081721314996794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117264130967713,0.03849653734930104,0.04042752206588294,0.0,0.0,0.09975644193557384,0.0361071298080525,0.10544513680624257,0.04775985989288407,0.0,0.0,0.045382156544447036,0.0764920230836197,0.0472115043252879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03725107923890804,0.0,0.046731655104403885,0.0,0.03452700273258067,0.047848923371125264,0.0,0.05577790797666937,0.0,0.07449239226354923,0.08778397622905419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044253866355184066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225001851873472,0.0,0.1532062261226401,0.08936570907783199,0.0964575059665959,0.0571248185782041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886512990163827,0.0,0.040766816002171885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608498832797233,0.0,0.07904889448147091,0.03678352409367842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163065903538443,0.04148381054985125,0.0491533904869349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028998936133708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042586860464495176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451357460049647,0.0,0.0,0.04784333872318162,0.04503221602056531,0.14259540331841752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435745581158866,0.08450779523775538,0.0,0.0,0.03826978704800814,0.03631426595646673,0.0,0.0,0.07352940412516504,0.0,0.04091874064094949,0.0,0.0876857334251838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043564017112704384,0.08716003520360119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355140711040836,0.0,0.03178948837884822,0.0961951566431718,0.10005785957525024,0.0,0.045990734385124736,0.0,0.0,0.08298801933280021,0.0,0.04537755003842514,0.0,0.08791023816347651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987673557267026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662459928236573,0.1241366775427775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325593737949777,0.0,0.22162691354474975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043295023128033766,0.043765474393408416,0.0,0.11810378187203395,0.0,0.1954147057084402,0.1775583426529345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04408205158054769,0.03664069987707092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030608492021655862,0.046092600548629084,0.03453490183234125,0.07230823340896657,0.0,0.0,0.0495043028397729,0.14190652239101695,0.0,0.04075717959555622,0.0,0.03251428281485935,0.06951615586066895,0.03779736734789782,0.0,0.2967213081146835,0.2510494486971934,0.08618864434272652,0.055418319164952524,0.08497448240419375,0.13732436825259728,0.1260803055838212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615998112556022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651971044698788,0.0343252607906353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040087838974935695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813913959272876,0.06143892743552875,0.04728078224251747,0.0,0.055695738883634716
suicidewatch,anonymousangelwalker,2019/01/27,I just found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been fucking my mom We have been for together for 5 years and I caught them 2 days ago... They do not know that I am aware... I found my dads shotgun and I am going to shoot my head right now. Goodbye,-1.1148517520215648,0.92639083018868,0.4987061994609192,104.97264150943396,93.52830188679243,3.783288409703504,17.005390835579515,5.288315135182226,-0.9818873315363876,186,5,48,1,7,59,39,53,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,2,0,0,7.0,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,0,9,13,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,0,12,0,5,8,0,9,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,5,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527201646601012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838631617107144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6251855095137123,0.0,0.263566410194,0.0,0.0,0.16202647448716406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925904710765433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668115836892002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339006755531116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434701973280362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671846082589823
suicidewatch,Jociipher,2019/01/27,I found out my boyfriends been fucking my mom We've been together for 5 years... I found my dads shotgun and Im blasting my head now. Goodbye cruel world. ,0.054193548387097217,2.377440225806456,1.2925161290322578,96.83877419354843,98.35483870967742,3.7703225806451615,25.55483870967742,5.6839178017228535,0.6590593548387105,121,6,25,1,5,38,24,31,0.132,0.868,0.0,-0.5859,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7051924225608599,0.0,0.2972958145734175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300341738201552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473619180882486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766309722551911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708717611403046
suicidewatch,lolinblackandwhite,2019/01/27,"Femcel, someone date me please Yes, I am that desperate.",1.7940000000000005,4.1530844000000045,2.8800000000000026,83.32000000000005,105.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,2.201,44,2,7,1,2,14,10,10,0.173,0.451,0.376,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7916078965606635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6110294085416854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kei__,2019/01/27,"Welp. girlfriend left me for another guy, i thought we could work it out but... she said we were never gonna work out despite me putting my all into it, think that's the final push for me",-0.018461538461536968,2.266939461538464,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,90.28205128205127,4.1456410256410265,20.620512820512825,5.6839178017228535,-0.1787887179487182,145,5,33,1,5,46,32,39,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,8,0,5,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,22,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319533562821065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433002722827281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338143000365467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017283319123859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310875373328521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235024787866624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063355045424319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898658243449105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525720559521456,0.0,0.24191975513836675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436907893253386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sl0567,2019/01/27,"I'm done My life has gone downhill, very downhill and I'm a young and dumb bloke which wasn't ready for everything that has happened. If you want to see what's happened then you can go through my Reddit post history. 

I've been sitting next to a highway for a few hours now and I'm really thinking of ending everything. 

I don't know how I ended up like this. 

Goodbye to anyone who reads this and recognises my username from other places. 
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suicidewatch,looksandsetters,2019/01/27,"almost killed myself yesterday for no reason i've not been happy recently, nor particularly unhappy, just quite neutral. i've got some really cool things coming up in the near future, all my relationships are going well, i'm spending this half of 2019 travelling through france. 

i was taking a walk through a really beautiful mountain range yesterday. i was the happiest i'd been in weeks. i came across a viaduct with a high fence blocking access to the sheer drop off either side of it, but there were gaps at each end that i could easily get through. i was completely fine, but something in me decided at that moment that i didn't have to carry on. i started to climb through one of the gaps with what felt like a completely clear and rational mind. i was half onto the ledge on the outer side of the fence when i heard a family coming down the path. i felt like it would be embarrassing for someone to see me climbing out, so i stopped. i got back behind the fence and continued my walk. i went back to the house i'm staying in and had a normal evening. today i've had a normal day. i've been thinking about self harm a lot, but other than that moment i haven't been even slightly close to suicide for years. it's not a big deal, but it feels stranger to not say anything about it at all. 

i don't know what responses i want from this.",6.261106918238994,6.066036418867927,6.573207547169813,79.40220125786162,65.9433962264151,10.085534591194973,31.62893081761007,9.725611199111238,2.7464893081761006,1061,37,211,20,15,343,154,265,0.102,0.792,0.106,-0.2376,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,1,1,20,1,19,0,0,1,3,44,39,10,2,5,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,15,11,0,5,7,1,2,10,8,3,1,3,19,8,21,6,41,17,6,51,0,0,1,0,5,22,0,3,19,146,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321312701334231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094746546370974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045880144910446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215407641747575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291919456407263,0.2789647076823864,0.0,0.0,0.10621586132674424,0.0,0.0,0.08579514683959649,0.13715096954416586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782756958570688,0.0,0.0,0.17573381203727906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254114789157067,0.0,0.06726537802125349,0.0,0.2554646898447896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950414433176455,0.0,0.07560560278192098,0.0,0.2127969568680646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161588334068928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055645125821994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350198337709242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718107652115006,0.0,0.07311134467713347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299862071655042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309972447488087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432519892607675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606877858900598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014646438029583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149675214189605,0.0,0.0,0.17044842914448946,0.1367798691920711,0.13135383524361133,0.1428274350189685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579301762771316,0.0,0.0,0.10600991329824007,0.0,0.1387822179013783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271825496122152,0.10241514449963708,0.0,0.0,0.094161296570499,0.14179525822096392,0.0,0.11122137290679616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551628494356902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000241052300434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838107733003013,0.08524204300293006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609953394556933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846618887975901,0.0,0.10671088322845383,0.0,0.11961245873416702,0.1233227331787096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945026802224872,0.0,0.0,0.08566875792222202
suicidewatch,Brandnew_andthe_sens,2019/01/27,"I don’t know When my wife and I get into a fight, or really just any stressor, then I just want to say I want to kill myself. I never would use that against her to end the argument or fight but I just think to myself I’ll just do it. I have no one to talk to but I also don’t have the guts to follow through with it. I’m so miserable in my head and I can’t seem to escape it. 
If I come out and say it then it raises red flags and I immediately would regret expressing these feelings because I don’t think they make me who I am but I on a daily basis I say to myself that I want to kill myself.

I’m so unhappy in a time of my life when I have nothing to be unhappy for. I want to cry but I can’t bring myself to show weakness. I’m lost and sad. ",0.9020107962213224,1.6181441403508785,3.755204678362574,91.56805668016196,78.35672514619884,6.8989653621232545,20.756185335132702,7.321109707123232,0.32964471434997744,572,13,145,7,13,206,86,171,0.297,0.6629999999999999,0.04,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,2,2,10.0,0,0,1,1,9,9,4,1,5,0,13,4,2,2,1,35,32,19,2,8,11,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,1,0,3,7,9,0,1,1,5,30,0,23,28,0,15,0,4,1,0,11,5,0,4,7,106,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923645032152046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184014050484075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613640879832313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998115205803988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125268442648974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421060789252247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803571923999122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909657763979816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868804839937974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852559016604831,0.0,0.0956868154553546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297970114351225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006265097725886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622039985950325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428508523034774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706413613847712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179820743169549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115399221299298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41538000698436733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585040543745093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399437728469826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231265113199275,0.0,0.0,0.10152548527260084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503759439103656,0.0,0.0,0.41078055768112703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24736682282123945,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notrealnotrealsbjskw,2019/01/27,"I’ve gotten to a point where posting on this sub is the best part of the day. Jesus man. I make an account then delete it just so people will tell me I’m alright. You can kill your self for $80 bucks or even cheaper. Random strangers are really what’s keeping my head on tight right now. I’m just going to delete this and see where it goes. Any sub with positive support is saving lives. In life people get pissed when you tell them you don’t want to be here anymore. But here it’s probably shallow, but it’s all I want to hear. I just want to hear people tell me I’ll be alright. A voice that is positive. That’s it. Just pat a person on the back of the head and hold them close when you hear these things. That’s all they want. To know love is out there. ",-0.2262962962962937,1.9607175432098776,1.2628271604938277,100.43572222222224,89.61728395061729,4.227654320987655,16.12469135802469,5.6839178017228535,-0.8280256790123457,590,13,140,4,20,188,99,162,0.033,0.8029999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,3,1,15,8,2,0,8,2,10,5,3,1,2,25,28,9,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,13,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,14,6,15,24,4,18,1,0,1,1,18,10,1,2,6,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489383896938454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838888818421835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729974302261104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644148209022811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999351434518023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216665462486932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290531504846537,0.0,0.0793053470874251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28642219040613315,0.0,0.4718243823977098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403198668597587,0.15438335161321906,0.0,0.07668903298572605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985631543142946,0.0,0.0,0.1232187838140445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594275854630668,0.0,0.09314585333439432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511111741820328,0.0,0.2902240689277911,0.12184332614173955,0.0,0.0,0.1319129804950002,0.0,0.13364335856875306,0.0,0.15045066036219626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939464362714174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916872576322975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119748615819666,0.0,0.1455734966094774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835143208471525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658994799936778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270598680147857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292236614625473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustDavinOfficial,2019/01/27,"Am I scared to be happy? I was really happy in October- November and It was uncomfortable to me because I felt the want to Die was fading away. That’s a scary thing right? If I start wanting to live that means I have something more to lose. That means all of the fear I had comes rushing back in. I know it must be normal to be scared but I don’t want to be. I’m tired of having things ripped away from me when I get them. I don’t know though. Sometimes I feel like I could find a balance and be happy that way. I definitely have hope. If anything, this year is the make it or break it Year. Everything I do matters because if I end up where I want to by the end of the year I’ll find my will to live again. It sounds risky but it’s planned out, all I have to do is follow the plan. I hope I can find a will to live and still not be scared. ",-0.026101258581235243,1.819333375,1.9107551487414192,98.61204805491992,84.81521739130434,5.178032036613272,17.836384439359268,6.339386263674448,-0.4465065217391304,647,15,162,6,19,214,95,184,0.125,0.7170000000000001,0.158,0.8111,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,0,4,9,0,26,1,0,1,3,34,44,11,1,12,7,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,13,5,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,5,3,23,6,22,29,3,24,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,6,12,112,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918345447273584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969747623613735,0.08581094514406698,0.0,0.13605657952445094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613064344832002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910085444069883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158197170129772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976830389664964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029588461546406,0.0,0.0,0.12557727122530551,0.05642662575162116,0.0797246781111185,0.10715029685904152,0.0,0.3059919838152684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830465026385435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563901676383416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216813326035034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266121459960873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452049241649324,0.0,0.2956256930556903,0.0,0.0,0.12484812020944602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449163889601007,0.0,0.0,0.2431229626655633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934103520379676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149167970370232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530294016829073,0.0,0.0,0.3351831825903726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591256304474022,0.11037195290212486,0.0,0.07898869222428469,0.0,0.08912123896533977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482797278698402,0.0,0.10964315446827502,0.0,0.0,0.12826394720948192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26329041205567705,0.0885802364321482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559377576185235
suicidewatch,IamAshortDude,2019/01/27,"i dont know how to keep living like this im bipolar i might even have borderline personality disorder they think. I just dont know how to live, im on 5 diffrent meds and they are constently getting changed, my girlfriend and best friend of 6 years left me because i am a verbally abusive terrible person when the rage kicks in. i just dont want to live anymore, whats the point of living if all it is is suffering and insanity? i want to die, but if i die then i will never get a chance to get the love of my life back, but i just dont know how to do this. i dont know how to live. i dont want to live, the only reason i have left too live is too try and get her back but theres no guarantee and i find it hard to keep going. i would kill myself in a instant if i knew it would be painless and quick, but yet again, no guarantee ",1.7102747252747257,2.6965711263736267,3.8085714285714296,90.91142857142859,76.74725274725273,7.397802197802199,23.98901098901099,7.957251820313856,0.9842043956043964,643,20,156,10,14,221,94,182,0.213,0.6809999999999999,0.106,-0.9465,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,2,1,17,8,2,0,7,0,19,3,0,5,2,38,36,19,3,8,10,0,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,8,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,1,1,22,4,15,30,2,16,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,4,10,105,28,0,0.0,0.0990432263682526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290111640451336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855466364684975,0.0,0.05095710048508882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772497931373584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842958729753547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351125476219104,0.0,0.09580403722602557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.587817436816355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055211936911436256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640186321213106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458321665021527,0.0,0.17469414166533606,0.0,0.047507440060095135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488229670672833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058809345565344,0.0,0.0,0.14860138412918794,0.09248251337903236,0.0,0.1837606048842945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164659372334832,0.0,0.0590437255202774,0.04083898360923432,0.0,0.5166948309184334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544532963263982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285221949815983,0.0,0.0,0.08867823820950173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447154806918297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357572378991863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597917356115206,0.0,0.0,0.07902175886206307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594682401796562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535625813372936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675369600756582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791474286773254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876316704035884,0.0,0.0,0.05383071137931554
suicidewatch,Doormaster9001,2019/01/27,"Why does she hate me? So, get this: a girl, who might I add is someone who I love unconditionally, blocked me on Instagram. She was the sole reason I created an account on there, and the minute I make my presence known, she fucking BLOCKS me. It doesn't matter if I had plenty of followers. It doesn't matter if I submitted things people enjoyed. The truth is that I simply cannot live if she isn't in my life to some extent. I am utterly infatuated with her. She has absolutely no fucking IDEA how lucky she is, and how lucky she is to have me as a (former) friend. It's completely unacceptable to me that she outright refuses to reconcile with me. Granted, I was never her rightful boyfriend, but I sure as hell deserve to have her, even as a ""simple friend.""

Because of all this, I have made the decision to end my own life sometime between now and later. The problem is, I'm too much of a pussy to go through with it all. No one else matters to me compared to her, and hopefully soon she'll realize just how much of a mistake she has committed. ",4.0263141025641005,5.189142721153849,5.418961538461539,80.9093717948718,71.30769230769229,8.623589743589745,31.17435897435897,9.029198982220553,2.5985066666666667,818,36,164,16,15,275,119,208,0.129,0.75,0.121,-0.6878,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,10,15,4,0,11,0,20,5,0,6,6,44,31,15,0,6,5,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,11,8,0,3,7,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,4,0,35,9,24,25,7,12,1,0,0,3,21,4,3,8,6,128,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113344536555532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911467802227288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595392187400944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229518835878278,0.0,0.16147103864779985,0.0,0.0,0.12041291038663172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817018751382362,0.3370821647038844,0.09524856037544893,0.0,0.10361000614469666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999169929917905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810732737186556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580387600191136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575394824988797,0.0,0.0,0.16098156577060774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454035529884165,0.17250451809093087,0.12169220349909896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340029254712374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680351490418309,0.0,0.14060739713940246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235368198214876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263896179736718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444441838870514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874432921107546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569028901635934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446922793325446,0.0,0.18030756675804266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718234118339621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111753135085143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450488126617469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,startingagain25,2019/01/27,"Cannot find another way out. I planned my life with you and now we are through I cannot see any way forward. 

The depression has gone further than anything has before and nothing seems to be helping. 

I’m currently deciding whether to choose pills or choose a train to jump under. 

Pills would be easy, I’m alone next Friday and can easily stockpile enough cocodamol to kill myself by then. 

If I survive that, it’ll be in front of a train once I escape the hospital. 

I’d rather go in my sleep, it’s how my grandad died and I was always close with him. Maybe I’d get to see him again on the other side or maybe the rainbow bridge is real and all my old pets are waiting for me there. 

Either way, I’m not looking for help or people to tell me not to. My kids are young enough to not remember me and would have 150k each in a trust fund when they turn 18. I have no friends. My family are strangers to me. 

The end is coming and this will be my journal until my final day. 

Day 1 after the decision. ",2.394211878926328,3.935411859223304,3.45627070245574,91.8656853226728,76.03883495145631,6.594631639063393,24.253569388920607,7.285733465282438,0.8560705882352937,777,25,171,9,17,250,129,206,0.08800000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.075,-0.5938,1,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,1,1,2,6,4,1,0,9,0,22,4,1,1,1,37,35,16,2,4,10,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,5,14,0,1,7,0,1,6,6,2,0,0,2,3,24,2,25,25,5,32,0,1,3,0,10,10,0,5,15,112,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989691123957,0.0,0.0,0.12042717864799247,0.0,0.0,0.09842154653707663,0.15176230724351394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191006803006047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315479978762822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467231221563348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866781016840693,0.0,0.12465596938021613,0.0,0.15020717018222096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818806090180698,0.29909011527069884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643881778736466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854493630390304,0.132280844668804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181824749742973,0.0,0.07561559249550201,0.0,0.08225354768840426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940192982471368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012260005891987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222726980531524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215369754570065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080201834828523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392228395626528,0.0,0.0,0.13887259735564084,0.0,0.15187007199678934,0.15413301394696108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033774590070067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473473262237115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395118230449293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306625736209452,0.13175700201832966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483479235921218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650063512802107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574249732962223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446404547954706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562446242994875,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Batstern,2019/01/27,"Will I ever be ready? 19, depressed, etc etc.

​

I've only ever one attempt before now, which was around 2 months ago now. I went for an exit bag. Filled it up, over my head, and tightened the chord. After a few seconds I started feeling distant, but I panicked. It was a calm panic though, nothing physically frantic, but my mind was racing. As I took off the bag I realised I \*couldn't feel\* the bag. My whole body was numb. I don't know how close I was to losing consciousness and death, but it was undoubtedly the closest I've ever been in my life.

​

I'm not sure what prompted me to remove the bag. I don't really have anything keeping me here, and I've been wanting this for 2 or 3 years now. Even today, I've been collecting more resources for another attempt, but still, I'm very apprehensive. This time, I want something that can be set into fatal motion in an instant, so I've prepared cyanide. And yet, I can't.

​

I'm so desperate, I really want it. But again, I'm still here.

​

Will I ever be ready?",2.1775774387424853,4.531163174757285,3.701733703190016,85.99483818770227,79.873786407767,5.865557096625057,26.314378178455854,7.07126945348624,1.384715487748498,818,34,155,10,21,270,119,206,0.162,0.753,0.086,-0.9683,0,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,0,3,19,9,0,3,9,0,20,4,2,1,6,31,34,15,2,4,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,5,5,7,0,2,11,2,20,2,14,17,5,34,0,2,0,0,0,10,0,1,18,108,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214671096461902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016333234140718,0.4504186775163466,0.0,0.0971729859363202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625983646444234,0.08249629601159206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885567796851604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293591430230717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981687271020188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067039664517952,0.061207919822451023,0.3353026996379573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371386910740552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951065574480498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236970222467037,0.0,0.0,0.050929223821313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545583835359657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367446431330787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935706784105722,0.0,0.0739686226485357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891974031553664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279585584697954,0.0704800088906427,0.0,0.10872873788605812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873405196178742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134219511278501,0.0,0.0,0.06559258032418397,0.0,0.14801338927922172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734074761073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104818948054644,0.0,0.054036850723997616,0.0,0.08784069581045156,0.0,0.10296021513262743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646277850581487,0.16397819436273636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590638167100961,0.0,0.10346318305140492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504186775163466,0.05967669403404265
suicidewatch,wingbark,2019/01/27,Loose skin from weight loss I lost 162lbs but I’m still an ugly undesirable monster and I just can’t deal with it anymore. I’m never what anyone wants so what’s the point in going on,-0.4269230769230781,1.80982207692308,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,97.46153846153842,3.6256410256410256,14.192307692307693,5.46131890053228,-0.9774307692307692,147,3,32,1,6,48,34,39,0.321,0.679,0.0,-0.9052,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,6,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,4,5,0,6,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350477913457039,0.24710554974647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643399600891196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084540701120165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857779290220813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725639246445933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340773003410764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822257567950323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208444520806618,0.0,0.0,0.4303460854170956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,demurestsafe13,2019/01/27,"I don't have any more reasons to live and I know it's only going to get worse - I think I'm almost ready to go. I'm a 21 year old woman and I've had severe anxiety and moderate depression for at least a couple of years. I used to see a counsellor but couldn't connect with them and ended up moving away and not finding a new one. 

Last year I successfully built my life up to what I always dreamed of - I moved to be with my partner who I love more than literally my own life, I had a great job for a while, I got into law school, I was renting my own place and had 2 perfect dogs, I was paying my bills and generally making life my bitch. I was so happy it didn't feel real. I was so in love and so amazingly happy with my life. 

It all turned around so quick that I'm still in shock over it. 

I had a fight with my boyfriend because he still talked to my ex best friend who now hated me. We ended up breaking up over it and I found out a couple of days after that they had been having a secret online relationship. I also found out that I was pregnant when I went to the doctor after feeling disgustingly sick and in pain - I had a miscarriage. My body was attacking the remaining tissue and making me badly sick, I had to have an immediate procedure to get rid of the rest of it and it was very invasive and traumatic. I was alone. 

This was just two weeks before my first lot of exams for law school. I dropped out. I couldn't take it. 

I'd left my job to pursue studying and was now living off Centrelink. This was okay when I was splitting the rent, but my ex (who still lives with me) has fallen into financial trouble of his own and cant pay. Everything is in my fucking name. If the rent doesn't get paid that's on me. 

I still love him with all my heart and a lot of the time despite being seperated we still act like a couple. It's the only good thing about my life and the only reason I'm still even here. I know I should hate him and kick his ass out but he makes me feel safe and loved and looks after me. I don't care anymore how stupid and pathetic it is. 

I don't have any supportive family other than my elderly grandfather who lives ten hours away in my home city. I've had to borrow almost a thousand dollars from him in the last few weeks just to keep a roof over my head and he would happily give me his last dollar if it meant I was okay. He's an amazing man and he doesn't deserve to have such a complete failure related to him. 

I went out last night to try and forget for a little while. I was with two other girls and we went to a bar and then a club. It was nice for a little while - and then my drink got spiked. My ex came and got me and it didn't hit hard until I was thankfully home and safe. But somebody did that to me. Again, my choices were taken away. 

I've started a mini diary in my phone with today being Day 1. Each day I'll write a couple sentences on how I'm feeling and whether I still want to kill myself. If by Day 100 there has been more than 60% yes, I will do it.  

If I can wait that long. ",2.9190387596899217,3.58502825271318,4.489302325581394,88.40573643410856,73.4496124031008,7.531782945736435,23.48062015503876,7.715138304826218,0.8757503875968995,2353,59,533,29,45,792,290,645,0.146,0.701,0.153,0.6119,5,1,1,0,1,1,51.0,3,0,2,4,28,37,9,0,32,3,55,20,4,8,3,107,108,55,1,9,12,3,5,1,2,3,9,0,5,4,30,52,2,4,14,4,10,10,11,14,0,6,42,7,82,23,79,57,15,91,0,1,2,6,41,33,3,8,47,371,112,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414102395350565,0.0641993055331156,0.0,0.04957057060053794,0.05157772213302709,0.0,0.0,0.08430587241490202,0.0,0.047419492260827714,0.0,0.06147393802174534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055181114595639416,0.0,0.07051857668587654,0.17471503270053873,0.0,0.05175612678042455,0.03778638663565279,0.0,0.052745934216077886,0.0,0.06505099298032964,0.0,0.0,0.06885301228947761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089602679799548,0.06319935384005715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499165141419072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743474718115625,0.0,0.15990462228008706,0.0,0.05338886971444547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344579519433736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072315795157526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980325637771088,0.0,0.0,0.040941489511344666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570945686406397,0.0,0.05843534251155288,0.0,0.12536891958615587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056654525385772835,0.052725673476229834,0.0,0.1359299652845417,0.0478906054561183,0.057305507633580076,0.09715614188862899,0.059463085810669676,0.07045669714689325,0.0519913236762369,0.14872876670674692,0.06834031984151287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197153433859835,0.05552771622777261,0.12239764399556548,0.06361601791915797,0.0,0.0,0.07345428457287907,0.0,0.0,0.12435499940910333,0.0,0.061044202657423725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302404571762815,0.0550964370209973,0.06857886289271188,0.0,0.06813230343228853,0.20210903784098516,0.0,0.0,0.06734849860117406,0.0,0.21891444172450664,0.03028346608765892,0.12425348716686688,0.21894081175697228,0.05485608966556045,0.05205303669309628,0.0,0.0,0.10539738777969554,0.22378089555448,0.0,0.12412938256803174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176364997247889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059866934611859636,0.0,0.05817011819725518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504438999330321,0.0,0.04200364725631468,0.14143054786664908,0.06595799166441142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476268490376556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055419183812964,0.0,0.12746486324902193,0.0,0.06655028835908817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546726662308713,0.049395204065541466,0.0,0.0,0.0700270856280427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387435395867816,0.0,0.34651741552436705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034152994041111,0.0,0.0,0.04660612329161494,0.04982238958259908,0.0,0.05706882832459245,0.0,0.0,0.0411810670759384,0.039718437437523055,0.0,0.0,0.036144818571846926,0.0,0.0587559410060802,0.0,0.0,0.04208475521427518,0.06742349709283932,0.1211035800121613,0.0,0.0,0.05353642187098463,0.0,0.05114534284590773,0.036561235561593096,0.0,0.0994436404877458,0.0,0.0,0.1723862811059523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063169525067892,0.044033421300872434,0.0,0.0,0.11975179437336302
suicidewatch,Smirgutt,2019/01/27,"When do I stop? Hey... 
I’m not (very) depressed not even unhappy (I think) but I am sick. I have a form of connective tissue disorder that makes my joints weak and fail. And as they fail damage occurs, damage that piles up over years of sub- and dislocations. I went from socially active roller derby chick to wheel chair and daily morphine in 6 years. Still my disease has no name and I get very little help.
I have a life, partner and kids, but when do I stop... when I can’t dress myself? Almost there, when I can no longer type? Feed myself? Go to the bathroom unassisted? When is it okay to say “thanks for the fish but ima move on?”
My partner can’t even think about me ending it all, but they are not the one in constant pain, they don’t mind dressing me helping me in the shower, BUT I DO! Where is my pride where is my dignity... I am so lost in all these thoughts.
Is it ever okay to be done with it and give up the fight, is it okay hurting the love of my life and my kids by doing that? Is it fair to have to live another 30/40/50 years in pain, not sleeping more then 2 to 3 hours a night because the pain is so bad, and your connective tissue stiffens adhering to your ribs and skin so they start to fuse making it hard to breath.
It is an honest question when is enough enough and how do you show your loved ones what your life has become, without forcing my views on them, just to have an open discussion about it. Whenever I try they do the adult version of fingers in ears and screaming “LALALALALALALALA I CANT HEAR YOU”
Anyway thanks for reading this...",2.142832824094281,4.1101697215189885,2.886870362287212,93.77310126582279,78.0506329113924,5.877608031427325,21.97250109122654,6.8039241337230125,0.3863654735923179,1216,35,264,12,29,381,171,316,0.192,0.677,0.131,-0.98,1,0,0,0,1,0,47.0,0,6,6,4,21,23,1,0,13,3,31,17,6,3,3,40,48,29,0,0,11,0,3,0,2,0,8,4,1,6,15,14,1,2,4,3,0,3,11,14,0,2,4,8,39,9,35,43,7,37,0,7,1,2,31,15,0,2,19,184,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595507977654708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142441455387605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668658463775688,0.07058945282174532,0.12788991427368762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251366184610649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973674213025342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271466589583913,0.0,0.0,0.1185016703804646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256275441848063,0.23930080403510756,0.0,0.1529671185646628,0.10474601971311742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049973288280513,0.11108409838021407,0.0658107342623487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037323611477915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051288548569184,0.0,0.1552340639102883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403781221731076,0.0,0.12396427133568773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453748881328115,0.0,0.11606012708856307,0.10225185230923327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264073157009532,0.0,0.2090246299740958,0.0,0.1545922747093436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692308038016225,0.0,0.0,0.12307506461304935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086686814940424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693559190670334,0.0,0.3696520590105062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297203844104922,0.0,0.11582944622742088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920873045611674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588173762428848,0.11804158995207813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196249799467398,0.0,0.09247651992057868,0.19362480946750749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322268273252204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839750583635244,0.0,0.09193076425947423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861931524063169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910911355819732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734600774416816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116252454031068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371055800455794
suicidewatch,wildcarrot9000,2019/01/27,"I need help Im a 14 year old boy who's fedup and tired of life, im tired of seeing my classmates with things i can only dream about,im tired of the teachers,im tired of my parents and im tired of living",0.3788297872340429,1.5725404468085138,2.2988829787234053,99.50875,80.70212765957447,4.7,18.132978723404253,3.1291,-0.9350808510638298,159,3,41,0,4,53,30,47,0.289,0.618,0.094,-0.8689,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076481649150043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.650772823089569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510871610036072,0.0,0.0,0.106398710175414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934502666493681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643854097181453,0.0,0.0,0.09164137559464952,0.0,0.0,0.1337947055251805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601838888327063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005108568594717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6924525945648478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775944046872383
suicidewatch,afuturepsych,2019/01/27,6 years of wanting to die just want a method or a chatroom to discuss methods so this can be done,6.34,4.3497315714285705,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714288,66.6190476190476,10.304761904761904,40.04761904761904,8.841846274778883,3.380961904761905,77,4,17,1,1,26,19,21,0.184,0.755,0.061,-0.5574,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234802782394133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161691384458127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5950080941107486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248125409419846
suicidewatch,Degrade_,2019/01/27,"Alone Hi I’m alone rn and I’m not in the best state of mind. Just need someone to vent to and someone who can distract me so I don’t hurt myself. 

I’m listening to music and trying to eat but the urge to kill myself remains. 

I really have no one who I can chat with irl so thank you.",-2.403877840909089,-0.7660026093750005,0.6915909090909089,100.46704545454548,106.34375,3.577272727272728,13.630681818181818,5.565023196281405,-1.0432937499999997,219,5,54,2,11,76,44,64,0.261,0.6779999999999999,0.06,-0.9105,0,2,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,10,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,7,2,8,10,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273580948903296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671770936146293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050970917021177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725444680895627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816667422219273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570638975750626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877567990520008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251715740218956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309723671260934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314275233515568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439278924408485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285028357727278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jameslincoln101,2019/01/27,"Don't see it getting better I was forced to sell my property and lost all my money due to housing market collapse. I had near 200k in equity and now I have nothing.  My casual girlfriend of 5 months is 3 months pregnant with my baby and is going to move away to a small town. I'm in love with her but she doesn't feel the same even though everything points to her feeling like that. She can't go more than 2 days without seeing me and chats constantly.  She wants to try and if things are going ok move with me. She doesn't want to force the relationship. Problem is that there isn't much work for me in the small town and I'm worried she will not want to be with me if I can't make the money I do now. I have two older kids from a previous marriage that I still have to pay child support for as well which makes money tight.

I feel like I'm starting from scratch at nearly 40 with no money, a ton of responsibility, no certainty and worried that I'll lose out on living with another one of my kids. I haven't been able to sleep in nearly 3 weeks.

I've always had depression and anxiety, but this time is different and I don't see a way out. I feel like I've been struggling and fighting my whole life just to have to keep fighting harder now. It is really starting to feel easier just to end it all and never have I ever felt this way as seriously and for as long as I do right now. At times I'm happy and trying to be positive about the possibilities, but mostly I'm depressed and continuously think about my mistakes and just want to die. Speaking to people and professionals isn't helping and so not sure what else is left.",5.010982142857143,4.959977657738096,6.063190476190474,81.51514285714288,68.55357142857143,9.100952380952384,28.40714285714286,8.841846274778883,1.944049285714286,1287,39,272,20,20,430,171,336,0.185,0.703,0.111,-0.9696,1,0,0,0,4,1,20.0,0,0,0,4,16,21,2,1,9,1,31,3,1,2,5,60,62,28,1,8,11,0,8,3,1,1,1,1,0,3,12,25,0,2,7,2,6,5,15,10,1,2,7,12,31,11,52,52,8,48,0,4,3,1,19,20,0,3,24,186,43,4,0.10263326534248264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539909854441076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761992747084953,0.07851416706739857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642733126976097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077078279158472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091009869972876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661899655077036,0.0,0.17679576209896675,0.0,0.10651712572261944,0.10722991790588997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857369235806817,0.0,0.09090260992635846,0.0,0.0,0.06778830380133115,0.0928376643676066,0.0,0.0,0.092240161058671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594723137086918,0.21996367580329704,0.09854402977406423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362164510963596,0.0,0.1749865496359826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925501941488704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879291434268298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842500839924695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122516195008867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151134309548888,0.0,0.07249291053764728,0.15042428771957805,0.0,0.09062705362599936,0.09082721014758563,0.0,0.11482037134568565,0.11203633303486332,0.0,0.09263052904180244,0.0,0.13701700315294718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384178643580544,0.2181658371718899,0.07544725916158865,0.0,0.07915710137223314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847938613058546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954695676585053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115298345520796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702160975170387,0.11570358574216245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820617400750832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657494978533513,0.0,0.0,0.11018971755050573,0.0,0.08764824782384567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453562735129003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270738585927852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528870691985374,0.0,0.08196305827930019,0.0,0.0,0.1072945730069533,0.0,0.0,0.116467013251429,0.09673063797048613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818498103331519,0.06576325228184275,0.1008366621014387,0.0,0.11969256475211633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393625002861428,0.0,0.10025778704287767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421430361408368,0.1629310176871748,0.08232621471460802,0.0,0.0922796313025504,0.0,0.0,0.11458637550967367,0.0,0.09893480531353864,0.0,0.07471823952561805,0.2084581257850932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,finnkin,2019/01/27,"Hey there. I’ve lurked here awhile, mostly looking for answers or seeing points of views. A lot of people expressing their pain, frustrations, and anger. A lot of others saying it gets better or that people will miss you.

My baby brother hung himself almost two years ago; he was 20. We lived a hard life, filled with poverty, abandonment, and a sick father we cared for. I left home when he was 14 to make a better life for him. He died three days before I planned to buy a house for us, almost exactly six years after I left.

In that time, he struggled with the onset of depression. I wasn’t there for him. He was always very quiet, passive- he had a gentle soul. Few friends. I was supposed to be his best friend, and I wasn’t there for him. It makes me question if my own life is worth living sometimes, if I deserve to be happy when he spent so long in pain.

But this isn’t my story. This is the story of a lot of people. The “it gets better, just wait”. Of course I miss him, everyday, but that wasn’t and shouldn’t be a reason for living. 

I cry on my commute, but knowing that shouldn’t have been his reason for living. It was about to change just three days later, but that shouldn’t have been his reason for living. He tried new hobbies, instruments, something to put his energy into and see bloom. I encouraged him, and he dove head first. It didn’t make him want to keep living. Nor did the meds and therapy, the long conversations with therapists. The lectures about how much God loves him.

Living is your choice. How you do it is your choice. But damn, do I encourage you to try to find your reasons for it. Even if finding your reason is all you have, search so very hard. Whether you find joy in helping others, drawing pictures, watching the sunset. Please, if you’re reading this, don’t stop trying. Will it into existence, will yourself into existence. The bad times never end, but you can create the good times that will battle them.

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suicidewatch,dyingtolive21,2019/01/27,I feel trapped in life I really can't deal with the responsibility of adult life. I feel like I'm just not cut out from for it. I don't want to work some stupid job everyday. I think im too mentally ill to work. And I just cant see this ending well. I feel like life is not right for me but I'm too scared to kill myself. So I wonder what's going to happen to me. ,-0.2965963855421663,1.2538934819277152,2.5309487951807235,95.39594126506027,84.06024096385542,6.077710843373494,15.194277108433736,7.1686216300943375,-0.498131325301205,281,4,74,4,8,99,55,83,0.21600000000000005,0.705,0.078,-0.9239,1,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,3,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,15,15,3,1,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,4,11,3,12,15,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,4,42,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071433764829604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795864431643413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30477897976298784,0.2870796748045397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141894941999177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767604796455966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703193251565864,0.0,0.19938563860913186,0.0,0.2222921591171856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42575477510326704,0.1963222129450962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248369920670492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871678285087298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715876295749748,0.0,0.0,0.20115954335552905,0.0,0.1601100703425355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874370968443333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850992638494552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065441793063933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178930390903596,0.2925495015481182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,todohajime444,2019/01/27,"Is this normal... Do most people have this kind of desire? To just be done with it all, to rest without any worries and pain anymore, this world is too fucked up",2.154583333333332,4.209811125000002,2.5825,95.54583333333336,78.375,4.266666666666667,20.041666666666664,3.1291,-0.5324708333333334,124,3,26,0,3,38,28,32,0.19,0.6920000000000001,0.117,-0.6074,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,5,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711110362503276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33120857440596524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417673391146419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087499532275668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34777844087698445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272197653758261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35536770691545183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23153279956002085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219352349798425,0.0,0.0,0.3391628229084813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tross66,2019/01/27,"Got A Car, Scared For Certain Reasons (Preface: I have wanted to die for around 8 years, I’m 20. I want to kill myself very badly, I think about it each and every day. But I’m too much of a bitch. If I was told that I have cancer, it can be stopped easily or I’d die, I would refuse treatment so that I would die sooner. My feelings about this will not change, I appreciate your support and such and all that but it’s not needed in that regard) I’m a safe driver, I enjoy driving, it’s fun. But now I think about why don’t I just drive off a bridge or some shit ya know. Like I thought today about driving out to a late near my house and shooting myself on the shore in my car, so that my mother wouldn’t find me. Do y’all think about that stuff too? Or is it just me",1.1744054747647574,2.491951508982037,2.7699272882805843,96.44965568862278,78.82035928143712,5.250470487596236,19.1142001710864,5.288315135182226,-0.516890162532079,590,12,143,2,14,194,100,167,0.17,0.701,0.129,-0.6027,0,0,0,1,0,1,20.0,0,3,0,0,14,11,3,1,6,0,12,2,1,1,2,38,27,13,4,7,11,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,3,8,0,0,5,4,5,0,0,4,1,23,6,18,18,4,18,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,5,7,97,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434982985726781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459162954801274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052361751479453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395785496199686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501886886716329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581428233526593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150536096605915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732989826094312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892288196559604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599813057176046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833909690419308,0.0,0.08858891028220946,0.0,0.1818357075586553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787520493253294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849734570850873,0.11952452748305888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573596907264299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613849603969744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546501206648975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476677620164162,0.0,0.0,0.1845304465977636,0.0,0.18292290649463866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098629795364977,0.0,0.1279713355646348,0.0,0.0,0.1527946223484842,0.15402934567756227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300328802861885,0.1901547344684514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454539962823521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22901752105994755,0.0,0.0,0.10380470969416736
suicidewatch,orangeredanimal,2019/01/27,"This is it, I just found out that I'm useless piece of trash I'm nice guy and I want to help others. I always try to help others. I help other people with their studies free of charge. In the past I volunteered for red cross for 5 months and went to Republic of Chad to help medics. I spend lot of time online messaging with people, giving them advice. But nobody appreciate that. I mean I do not expect something in return, but people actually ridicule me. It's all have been worthless. I'm thinking about ending it all. Train could be painless.",2.000389408099686,4.565256009345795,3.2164719626168217,87.88364875389408,82.3644859813084,5.4358255451713395,20.1316199376947,6.816661863887847,0.4686704049844237,431,12,82,5,12,139,74,107,0.08900000000000001,0.738,0.173,0.4939,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,18,15,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,3,1,11,3,16,10,4,10,0,2,1,0,9,3,0,1,5,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.19093212489309905,0.0,0.0,0.19119287149943548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280154464122013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621547109769932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329322627724672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452680921304607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769115460629365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373029496014435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5245766246366511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633981515729496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312684589768266,0.0,0.19710293154834446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617082828254153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867758815323148,0.4069299024151297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506256207472978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536852536618442,0.0,0.0,0.11408864236184105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328376452349066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154030340476676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813751601684489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,commakazivoDKa,2019/01/27,Watch Just wait in a month im going to walk into my class and shoot myself in front of my classmates not anyone else i have no interest in hurting others just myself im gonna get my dads revolver walk in put it in my mouth and shoot. I cant wait to die,-0.2363157894736858,1.612646333333334,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,85.66666666666667,4.5017543859649125,16.517543859649123,5.46131890053228,-0.7332666666666667,199,4,47,1,6,68,39,57,0.162,0.735,0.103,-0.3724,0,0,0,3,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,7,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,9,6,0,12,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736091161672074,0.3038596877009573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077813671611308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24773694724516904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493981018836364,0.0,0.1685412842188464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317472487161165,0.0,0.6406691067156594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23671052276913676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29812365263546226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2nyn,2019/01/27,"Warning: I'm just a dumb girl believing 'it gets better' Does it ever get better? Does it really? We talk about mental health awareness and whatnot but it just feels like nothing is happening; that may be just me and I'm a total fuckhead talking out of my ass but I really don't know. All these people and organizations trying to help those who are depressed/suicidal and yet it just feels like no help at all- it's not to say I don't appreciate it but I'm still here. Numb as ever. Most people just don't even seek help, because they don't feel like it's necessary, and that's where the problem lies in all these organizations; they can't help at all if they don't know we're struggling. That's why we're all here right?   


All lonely fucks on the Internet sharing our little sad stories because again, we're lonely fucks. I won't ever understand why others say 'Don't kill yourself' without ever providing a reason other than 'people care about you'. What people do care about me and why? They don't know me and even if they did, they would simply forget about my (hypothetical) suicide after a very generous few weeks or so. I'm not special, I know my place.   


I've always been the wallflower girl since kindergarten. At the start, I had one friend before I got screwed over when a bully turned them against me. I don't remember the memories too well but for the entire premise for kindergarten, I felt miserable. Primary rolls around and I still feel like this, I've caught some friends though so it's all goods right? That was naive of me because I couldn't be more wrong. These friends I had just made it easier for me to believe that life could be better, all my negative thoughts in some sort of mental vault of mine. Little did I know they were all fake. Maybe sprinkle in some good wholesome moments here and there but fuck sake, the universe really wants me to throw me in for a loop.  


Let's call a friend I had 'Emerald Angel' or E.A for short because that was the nickname she called herself. We met through mutuals, instantly clicked. Best friends. Knew everything about her, all her secrets, insecurities, even that nickname of hers was something only I knew about (until now of course). E.A would always talk shit about other people, even our own friends... that was a red flag but I always ignored it because well, she's my best friend! People have flaws, I wasn't perfect either and I still am not. Not only did she gossip about other people but she'd lie to me and ignore me if I got her mad, she didn't know how to just sit and talk it out with anyone if she was angry.   


So, it's high school now and guess what fucking happens? I get ABANDONED. Wow, real shocker right there. Seven year history? Haha, no, it's down the drain because apparently to her 'I should've been more open to her'. Fuck sake, if I knew that would happen I would've just bolted right then and there when she said 'hello'. I should've said this before (but I didn't clearly) but E.A was a popular girl, the type that everyone knew, the one that would hang with other popular girls and have guys drool over them and comment some flirty shit on their IG posts. I will never know why she had me stick around for so long but it's all over now and I can't ask. E.A and I were put into different classes and so I get let down slowly. Little things like E.A never starting the conversations or not replying with effort or not even replying at all. That's fine, shrug it off. I remember walking her home from school one day but as I was talking to her, she noticed some of her new friends and ran off to them, without even waving at me or looking back at me when she walked away; it was as if I didn't ever fucking exist... and that shit hurt real bad. This happened multiple times in the same consecutive year before I just ended it officially before New Year's. She tried to sound apologetic but I've been fooled by her over the years for the same shit and she just never changes. It hurts real bad and the wound is still fresh from just leaving her but at the same time, I knew it was unhealthy... so why the fuck do I still care about her? I'm right out of my mind.  


That long ass story I just told you, happened like several times with other girls. All fucking dropping me in the same year. All letting me down slowly showing me signs that they didn't want me or need me anymore. All looking better without me, still getting a mass amount of attention on their social medias like it's some sort of fucking highschool chick flick movie cliche.  


Time skip to now, I don't necessarily stalk them but I occasionally check in on them just to know if they're okay and it's actually hella funny to me they all ended up with each other. I know they're all fake, they love drama but damn, you gotta give it to them for being charming, so charming that they managed to turn everyone against me. Newsflash, still a wallflower! I also have a bittersweet love story but hell, I don't even want to get into conceptualizing that into a post that no one will probably read. FYI if you have gotten this far, I really am writing this for therapeutic purposes, I don't expect people to sympathize over me and that's okay. This is kind of like a throwaway kind of account anyway so chances are, I probably won't see the replies if anyone decides to comment.   


A lot of these experiences I've been having just really fucked with my head, what am I supposed to do now? I see all these people every day at school and I honestly feel like I got too attached to all of them. I get great grades and even got a few school awards from them but it just makes me feel even lonelier, I just have enough time to focus on getting these grades because no one ever hits me up to hang out. I don't even see a future for me, I just do work to distract myself from the laughable reality that is my life. 

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I read this other post in the same subreddit talking about how today's society believes that 'suicide is not the answer' since 'everyone has someone that loves them' type of shit talk. It's also deemed shameful to kill yourself which is just.. stupid? I can't really describe how I feel about it other than just calling it stupid. It's not selfish, people who kill themselves don't intend to do it out of selfishness even though it does come off as that. I am aware of the impact of suicide, but do I care? There's literally no one on this planet that can say they care about me without sounding slightly disingenuous. I'm a mere stranger. Why should anyone care? Being abandoned a lot of times by people who meant the world to me for literal YEARS just shows me that I'm awfully unlovable. I don't fully know why I'm alive but for a fact, I do have a sliver of hope for something, anything forgiving even with an obvious case of nihilism. 

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The other post also mentioned people wanting to live even homeless with their entire life fucked over permanently, and no one cares about that unless they suicide?- Even then, they'll care for only a moment (as I said before with my hypothetical suicide earlier) before moving on and mourning about the next tragic death. We all die in the end anyway, we're just humans trying to stop others from inevitable death that could be prolonged but with a damned life, why try?   


This might be the worst analogy ever and in advance I'm extremely sorry to those who've made it this far (thank you) but life to me just sounds like playing cards. Some people get a lucky set of cards at the start, some don't but manage anyway and then there are the people that never really get a good set, missing opportunities, just being unlucky, making rash or overall bad decisions time and time again... whatever the reason, they lose at the game entirely. I'm one of those people, and hey, I could be better- but you better know that 1) I can't and won't seek help, I'm a coward with too much insecurities and I have acknowledged that 2) Locally, no one could give a less shit about me and 3) My grades aren't helping me in life other than giving me a future that I clearly do not see.   


Thank you for coming to my TedTalk (if you read this fucking essay of a post).

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P.S

I'm probably not going to suicide (lol no one fucking asked), It's like experiencing 24/7 lachesism but I never act out on the tendencies. A life not wanting to live and not wanting to die, how fucking great.

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​

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suicidewatch,mnlady77,2019/01/27,"I don’t know how to be alone I’m in an extremely amazing relationship, but when he’s gone I break down and feel so panicky. 

I did hours of homework this evening while he (my s/o) went to his brothers to hang out and he was supposed to be home 5 hours ago. 

I haven’t heard from him in hours and he probably just got too drunk and fell asleep, but I’m freaking out. 

I’m so incredibly exhausted. I work full time and I’m a full time college student. Sometimes I just feel like I’m at my mental capacity and I don’t know what else I can handle at this point. It feels like my day to day life is on repeat and the cycle is killing me. 

I know I’ll end up staying up all night because he won’t return my calls or text me back....he never does this, but maybe I’m overreacting. 

When he went out of town for work for a few days I literally sat on the couch and cried until my head was pounding. I had never felt so lonely before. I barricaded myself with pillows and slept with the tv on all night, even fell asleep with the light on a couple nights.  I definitely have anxiety as is, but I feel like I experience true separation anxiety when he’s not around and it’s so extreme that it makes me want to hurt myself.

And now that he’s gone tonight without explanation I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop overthinking everything that could have happened to him. 

I’m scared of how fucking crazy I feel right now, and I never have anyone to talk to. Sometimes my heart feels so heavy that I think about hurting myself. 

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think about how short life is and I go into a quick panic and stare at the ceiling.

I’m all over the place, but I don’t know what to say so I’m sorry. I just need someone, anyone to hear me.

How can I be so fulfilled but so lonely at the same time?",2.5906048023108847,3.717725303664928,4.096456038996209,89.15452879581154,74.75916230366492,7.049070229283264,24.428958295721248,7.503015589744147,0.9092600469398816,1414,43,320,17,29,471,180,382,0.162,0.772,0.066,-0.9905,0,5,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,0,2,27,15,2,2,14,0,25,11,6,5,7,66,63,40,1,3,12,1,7,3,0,1,3,3,4,0,13,23,1,1,14,2,0,8,12,10,0,0,13,12,41,5,48,45,7,69,0,4,1,1,18,29,1,1,33,199,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902438113898623,0.0,0.0,0.09233051016108704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639605212749606,0.0,0.0,0.1246688003231789,0.0,0.0,0.07936067874199539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854935955287357,0.0,0.05434383325866779,0.0,0.07585843763654904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910301421803485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117747622135374,0.09864063880215898,0.0979249638311672,0.17247938154822426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801407283749152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447176945737212,0.0,0.07895872544503732,0.0,0.0,0.11776291291460625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012053293010869,0.08720391418714063,0.0,0.0,0.2704556429608853,0.19106218732007635,0.08559612311991209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241594999994606,0.0,0.0,0.050664900015797376,0.0,0.07129985177477154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788333398654543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149163437387824,0.0,0.10047634885132796,0.10564088679484593,0.0,0.0,0.089422778339881,0.0,0.2633786608873551,0.0,0.19086969574648985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862912604070406,0.0,0.2449672267524875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593583010412568,0.13065972521512248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950702593698767,0.0,0.08956121406350599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984028212942108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610216094351569,0.2062694516473777,0.0,0.0,0.3346376814941009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459604678718663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314075420149197,0.0,0.08427373705580501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611669256246178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571165956604487,0.0,0.07613196080143457,0.0,0.07089411979080568,0.08925276552576833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553486656323627,0.0,0.26450914873405396,0.09979396061675448,0.0,0.09501997624701404,0.0,0.07453177450613495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165383814366871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424496140432785,0.0,0.0,0.15594886162890564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052581838751827134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528229962524024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593555384205519,0.0,0.1298017067985003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ethanscott1509,2019/01/27,"I dont feel likei can go on I feel like this all the time but I've noticed (I go to a AP school(alternative provision which is when you couldn't behave in main stream so they send you there, even tho even the teachers said I don't belong there) I get bullied for being even remotely depressed to the point where I have went to commit suicide multiple time and the only thing that stopped me was my girlfriend (now my ex) and I feel like I can't go on I have really bad anxiety to the point I can't go out in public and also I've never told my parents any of this they know about my depression but that's it my mum will have ago at me for never going out to the point where she kicks me out of the house most of the time and like I said before the only thing g keeping me going was my now ex and I don't have her anymore  I can't stop self harming to the point where I am taking staples from the school boards and using them to cut myself in the restrooms and I don't feel like I can't go on anymore and I feel like ending it all",1.8449454365079347,3.109857254464288,3.4338690476190514,92.6083531746032,76.90178571428571,6.227777777777778,21.373015873015877,6.691623216298621,0.2385682539682543,811,20,187,7,18,269,110,224,0.14400000000000002,0.755,0.101,-0.9359,1,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,2,3,0,15,10,1,0,13,0,20,0,0,1,5,30,41,14,1,1,2,4,5,5,1,1,0,2,0,1,9,11,0,3,6,0,0,9,11,5,0,0,6,7,35,5,24,32,4,38,0,2,0,0,18,17,0,1,17,131,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928714557731507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055020663393232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849684562033867,0.0,0.0770547898442867,0.0,0.19978541099139172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410164854325794,0.0,0.0,0.08571004627811908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350958180836454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804962475739385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921296328801265,0.0,0.0,0.1995848786943758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25464938812980176,0.2878334861163793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262495609844623,0.0,0.400712661930256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622379088195055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952951989595638,0.0,0.0,0.055356142298037835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460471426292333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537154729501015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467673573523855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532126786383372,0.0,0.0,0.1118438319379466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808729063306176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452738312957343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916261771586864,0.0,0.0,0.20387932052923904,0.0,0.0,0.10507874306665267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842218324394614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101774315817967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573309760338667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383519383320022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620167991429192,0.0,0.0,0.09624760424570987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699455729287868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337361795998717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway90093847,2019/01/27,"I think my friend is going to commit suicide today I've known for a month or so that she's had a date in mind to kill herself on. Today's the day. I don't know what to feel, what to think. I don't know what to do.

She struggles with a host of mental illnesses and varying levels of abuse from her parents. Her arm is covered in scars from self harm. Her quality of life is in the gutter, basically.

The obvious answer is to call an ambulance, right? Hospitalise her until they can get her some medication that works properly, right? But I don't know if it would even be fair to force her to live anymore. She's struggled through so much and there's no end in sight. I don't know if it would be unfair to stop her, or if it would be morally wrong to not stop someone committing suicide?

I think I might regret it for the rest of my life if I don't, but she's wanted to die for so long, who am I to stop her? Why should I get a say? 

Please tell me what I should do. I don't know what the right choice is.",1.9152503419972648,3.1092446837209344,3.502352941176472,92.47823529411764,76.58139534883722,6.7332421340629285,22.41450068399452,7.285733465282438,0.5331231190150474,777,21,183,9,17,258,110,215,0.18600000000000005,0.775,0.039,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,1,4,23.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,1,2,10,0,25,5,1,0,3,39,38,14,4,11,9,1,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,12,3,0,3,11,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,1,3,29,1,29,28,3,21,1,1,1,0,21,9,0,8,11,125,41,1,0.0,0.143190550916219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985328997053855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340400111426746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793991925076196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254259027628287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703951910232226,0.0,0.0,0.07982199241072202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110669804144288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337040715638603,0.0,0.12628097500524102,0.0,0.06868330893756902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370547917757492,0.0,0.3320870999325868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072350922737212,0.0,0.0,0.10671504641776516,0.10695073445613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174626475497075,0.12179098055279712,0.12820549419791966,0.12202665935422273,0.0,0.096463380111756,0.0,0.08884055523584068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341924933773315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265984665758954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096223410359491,0.0,0.0961068260261186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607560281816454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239800284029353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031145167052906,0.0,0.2526827228889745,0.0,0.26438622500120845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056304858267096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323123693991545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291082387597348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128198564235029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905066028047057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798212101361473,0.0,0.0,0.25755062623618696,0.13213332961989355,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fedupofcfs,2019/01/27,I Am Really Struggling Today I am loosing hope by the day and i am not sure how bad it will get . I have been fighting giving up for a long time . I don't know what to do .,-0.9757692307692308,0.6133411025641067,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,86.69230769230771,4.925641025641027,17.442307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.5178769230769231,129,3,33,1,4,46,32,39,0.181,0.623,0.195,0.1518,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,6,12,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,4,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950538394480424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789800785031644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846241496639008,0.3389900455322012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509816742152306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420597104784806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127262583152078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263814380775507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36942487058086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330522915742909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605613594350314,0.0,0.3349587201100915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alternative_Pain,2019/01/27,"My dad told me.. My dad told me, one night, that he sometimes feels like blowing his head off but he's able to fight it off because hes the sole bread winner and doesnt want to leave us struggling. I dont think he knows that I remember him telling me that. At the time I was pretty stoned. I almost told him that I did too but I didnt and now Im trapped with this knowledge... Its getting harder and harder to not attempt to kill myself",0.9560215053763448,2.8321403010752704,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,81.47311827956989,4.563440860215055,21.086021505376344,5.033348758259628,-0.3223204301075273,340,10,79,1,9,108,62,93,0.127,0.7020000000000001,0.171,0.6753,0,1,0,0,1,1,10.0,1,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,14,14,5,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,1,17,1,8,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,1,4,48,24,0,0.1919216501996404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218180965000656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699365660934695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493074467611254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704135294130224,0.13710886525038204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027114095531976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969669825022541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073083161361369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233287038774865,0.0,0.10547511976495832,0.0,0.0,0.2032173162627648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376322395053913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801054675832257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005107714662334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525331533174856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174098167864392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898154194713329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063817944645115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774798156364118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229756439913463,0.0,0.0,0.11191105762443727,0.0,0.0,0.5501680841621653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308581145006509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320036180624266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NormieMcNormalson,2019/01/27,"Im suicidal. I don't think im depressed, but I feel it'd be better to do it now. I feel as if I have every reason to just get it over with right now. I have no hobbies, no drive, no meaningful relationships in my life (not even with my immediate family), and i'm boring as fuck so I have no hope of making any. For the most part I don't really feel sad about this, when Im alone that is. It's only when I'm around others and I hear them being invited to parties, or being asked to hang out, or hearing close work acquaintances talk to each other about their personal lives, that it hits me. It really compounds how alone I am, and based on past experiences, how likely it is that i'm going to stay that way. It hurts for sure, but it doesn't effect my mood 24/7. I still chat with people at work, and I laugh along with them, and I feel happy outside of work too when i'm by myself playing video games. But just about every day I feel that slight temptation to just get it over with, and I see no good reason why I shouldn't. To be honest, had I not been living with my parents, I most likely would have done it by now. ",4.9156377799415765,4.08609970042194,6.108185654008441,83.74089581304773,68.87341772151899,9.317624148003896,25.403765011359948,8.617729084823388,1.3789652061019146,867,17,196,12,13,293,128,237,0.14300000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.15,0.5972,1,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,3,5,19,16,1,0,1,0,21,2,0,6,1,47,42,20,1,4,11,1,5,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,19,17,0,0,10,4,0,3,11,5,0,0,3,8,26,10,33,31,4,23,0,3,1,1,12,9,1,6,11,137,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24257469809252594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963665408313103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424989882905908,0.10947906942997747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357146664052098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552421157652411,0.0,0.10086393337855086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984093656169845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734795084776967,0.0,0.1973350950335034,0.0,0.0,0.11455294203143787,0.11039788865287256,0.0,0.2960636369648013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826336903351867,0.12236696119353932,0.0,0.06655450513474866,0.09822364540756978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466238860823745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639757967927083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631349687059993,0.0,0.0,0.12536527400297628,0.0,0.3794863871205826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271601097308467,0.1144249549493936,0.0,0.20681493698045106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816971240527447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890650144497183,0.0,0.0,0.13003326612648258,0.12681527522890934,0.11179171161242414,0.08118712459740764,0.1022531591267833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004325652198094,0.24081063232130615,0.0,0.12572889981145652,0.0,0.10000858532233732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331897451162303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482028968899092,0.09352165856959678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809585503076185,0.0,0.11037179294442888,0.0,0.0,0.0941260268385076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503732236748434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295394368163268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567069120361447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557654813961829,0.0,0.0,0.08318932572043479,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,villainouskim,2019/01/27,"I dont want to be here anymore I'm a burden on everyone. I hurt those I love. i push people away.
The love of my life no longer loves me. My parents see me as a failure. I'm probably getting kicked out of the military for letting myself get too fat. I'm worthless. I have too many issues. I can't just be fucking happy. I can't make anyone else happy either.
Every day gets harder. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I don't want to be here anymore. I was a mistake. ",-1.7729,0.10350821000000464,1.5975,94.74125,101.9,3.7,18.25,5.602791699666715,-0.2437000000000005,351,12,78,3,16,125,63,100,0.227,0.589,0.185,0.1134,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,5,0,10,7,1,1,0,8,27,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,1,14,5,10,21,1,6,0,2,1,4,4,4,1,0,1,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255595578333784,0.11476839256448007,0.16817773248915316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421209546477854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058547731776264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236731775209212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371153849222699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382924845471007,0.15683991801636318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174199284261125,0.25726439213045393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494537339601426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571203150515285,0.0,0.0,0.17131636265587274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678411823395422,0.11593480285248822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444200974799867,0.0,0.10956270847841194,0.1664091350740346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822546916284967,0.0,0.0,0.11379191493438436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696742529665785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307959219155504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865131261269094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936244865110774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aggressive_Map2,2019/01/27,"I'm at the point where killing myself is all I can think about Anywhere at any time it's at the forefront of my mind. I'll be eating dinner with my family, in class or out with friends and I'll just think to myself ""I should just kill myself"".

I'll be driving and think ""man I should just drive the car off the road into that tree""

Waiting for the train it's ""I should just jump in front of the train""

Cleaning my bathroom this morning ""I wonder how much of this bleach I'd need to drink to kill myself""

Suicide was alway something I dismissed no matter how bad my depression was, but where I'm at right now I may end up going through with it 😐",1.8487777777777763,3.6077681925925935,2.782685185185187,95.14958333333335,78.18518518518519,5.092592592592593,21.62037037037037,5.46131890053228,-0.07518518518518524,506,14,112,2,12,160,81,135,0.13,0.847,0.023,-0.9224,0,0,2,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,3,0,6,0,10,3,0,2,1,28,19,6,4,4,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,6,7,3,1,4,1,0,6,1,5,0,0,2,0,15,1,22,11,2,24,0,1,0,0,2,15,0,3,3,75,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546662153972047,0.0,0.0,0.12640409156245944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520119775937788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600973071623916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209065152419554,0.0,0.1902006179813903,0.0,0.0,0.16463361893365572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752301749268979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436096514668594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056393171938771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6169427075028351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768479814138356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664244980931034,0.13782692050977038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571573292705076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873964723480946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309873259605846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203321452596158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573112661378287,0.0,0.0,0.10838753755560752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201577842445868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leader-akiko,2019/01/27,"He refuses to get help. Now what? We're watching a friend worsen, and we've advised him to get therapy. Offered him sliding-scale places, even once got him to double-check with his doctor. Told him of our experiences, including my seven psych ward stays.

Thing is, he refuses to deviate from the 'Come back in one month' plan that the GP originally gave him, despite that he became suicidal immediately after his meds. He wants to be referred to see a therapist first, and thus doesn't wish to try a sliding-scale community therapist. He's only been suicidal twice - on impulse, suddenly - and we don't expect him to be hospitalized yet.

They tell us to help a friend get to professionals, and to also have self-care, and to be there for the friend. We've done that, but we also see hints of burnout in ourselves. 

What now? Watch him worsen?",4.38122687439143,6.400630949367089,5.356329113924051,78.30770691333984,71.78481012658227,8.912171372930867,28.6095423563778,9.466822959209583,2.725983836416748,662,26,122,16,13,217,100,158,0.09,0.847,0.063,-0.7406,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,4,0,1,3,8,3,0,0,7,0,9,1,0,2,0,18,20,8,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,4,15,3,21,12,0,15,0,0,4,0,31,4,0,0,9,76,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372417085856392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405796690111927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777467641457246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518238409617559,0.0,0.15179488941413913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797172804388726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450969231934711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617091865484334,0.0,0.0,0.3438022477641283,0.0,0.23249166614391364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863445824769485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884730307104748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476314554110072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839699507718154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796848259148705,0.10051343893354787,0.1128129870055155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497511762549682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23640241511196566,0.0,0.1547423748672454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810191920710287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245017388326812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129648495583881,0.0,0.16963029395965548,0.344449210350245,0.09854502980412956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173735259487014,0.0,0.10070752778801664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842484278706844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087489914757409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705742027583287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmNotMeButYou,2019/01/27,"I want to die. I want to die. No one else knows. It's kept to myself day to day and I am way to happy for people who know me to even realize that this is a thought I have daily. My life is okay. I have a few beautiful children who I love to death, but I find myself wondering if they would just be better off without me. I struggle. I'm a struggling mom. I want them to grow up with everything they ever wanted but I'm holding them back. I work a full time job and I love it. I love my co workers. They were my friends before they were my co workers. It's a great work environment. But I know I don't do as well of a job as I could and the place would be better without me there. I struggle with my emotions. Im always down but I'm smiling to hide it so no one will ask what's wrong. And the everyday pretending is getting to me and I just go to work and come home and I cry. I cry about the whole day. I cry in the shower. I contemplate killing myself on a weekly basis and it's getting harder and harder to deter the thoughts anymore. Last week I took my kids to daycare kissed them and settled them into their class and then left and went home grabbed the gun from the closet and took a shower. Got out got dressed and took the gun put it in my car and went to work. I worked closing shift that day. I got off work and got in my car. And cried and drove home. And cried some more. At that point I don't even know why I was crying. I tried to figure it out. I took the gun and put it back in the closet and went to bed. I need help. I know I do. Therapists don't help me and My family isn't very helpful with kind of thing. I feel like I am in a constant battle with myself and I am getting tired. Tired of fighting myself at every turn...  How do I help myself",-0.26887251917691296,1.7406224816753948,1.8678448800681868,97.49393948618044,87.27225130890055,4.600608790941191,18.307804699866065,5.8840308858928765,-0.41718112748082303,1356,36,322,10,43,453,168,382,0.188,0.653,0.158,-0.9423,4,0,0,3,2,3,37.0,0,0,9,10,12,20,3,3,19,1,24,7,0,1,1,66,64,33,4,9,9,1,2,1,1,3,3,0,8,2,16,32,0,2,12,1,0,15,8,7,1,2,18,2,64,13,45,40,5,50,0,0,0,4,24,20,0,3,15,217,80,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486514159104309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653921145455618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616425036777787,0.0,0.0,0.10140347506952632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610781223825858,0.0,0.0,0.11663242200619355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056799172238246966,0.0,0.07125483023538827,0.0,0.05264559350081691,0.0,0.4345743721009761,0.17009649475856647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686507900556613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508217922684865,0.07417062254695142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710197062191577,0.05964409094859044,0.05555504529172926,0.0,0.059260221514315085,0.0,0.062159847473459665,0.0,0.03333989579100692,0.047105642501047394,0.0,0.0,0.060265526054966614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094301843059122,0.0,0.10334860208465467,0.0,0.03747370478121837,0.0,0.21094442862962925,0.0726961402989302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019151503821415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767856125042821,0.0,0.1984215578347248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712236324731436,0.0,0.13086525360681892,0.0,0.07294988741567643,0.06866358361371898,0.18118716376691188,0.05374772537150595,0.0,0.0,0.07164110315239157,0.0,0.046573486942915125,0.03221364934422016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853304700478045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772250052439297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889169550962362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893616840276184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571264308914219,0.0,0.06889047693686252,0.0,0.06233209070292405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325704595041951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679604493421014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655832350744438,0.04380583287808331,0.0,0.0,0.10469375121809718,0.038448588008835334,0.15157052461477302,0.0,0.0,0.2930352039318537,0.04476711956569849,0.07172088183772621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440520365994071,0.1555661850018623,0.05233798428405454,0.1057818994335791,0.0,0.059285579399304324,0.18337369953713276,0.05949818540719728,0.07361667539702782,0.0,0.12712246837094598,0.07150622286196706,0.2880189740322364,0.0,0.0,0.09367997633472187,0.07209212052430511,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mrdream992000,2019/01/27,HPD Anyone else feel suicidal over years of being made a fool of and used by someone with histrionic or any other personality disorder? ,12.353749999999998,10.16070354166667,12.453333333333333,48.52500000000003,55.25,16.26666666666667,44.83333333333333,14.554592549557764,6.884883333333335,111,5,16,4,1,38,23,24,0.336,0.664,0.0,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266654647595488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330614282022414,0.34152035808740006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38200758881026586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784417096417061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685339562382343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153904824950919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29103758945485314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824165121451084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645922452242971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878769318756265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146437754960022
suicidewatch,memeaste,2019/01/27,"Advil lmao i took 4 advil as opposed to the usual 2, and thought nothing of it. surprise surprise my nose starts to bleed profusely for like a minute a few minutes later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ",2.768235294117648,5.621237882352943,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,81.94117647058823,4.576470588235295,32.029411764705884,5.985473137389443,1.6664941176470598,144,8,26,1,4,43,30,34,0.101,0.722,0.17800000000000002,0.5820000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244452564928428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408177312537843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251738291518185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36472141970403227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510423088091679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059768696658985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThePowerWithinX,2019/01/27,"I'm lost I'm in very much pain right now, dark evil pain that is far from good and truth. All the corruption around me has really eaten me up and there isn't much left of me anymore. I feel that existence is punishing me. My girlfriend who I truly love has obliterated my heart. I loved this girl with all my heart and did so much for her and spent all my time with her these past few years, burning bridges with family and friends becuaze I would rather spend time with her. She told me she loved me and would tell me if she cheated on me and I caught her red handed. I do not wish to go into detail. I felt like I was truly happy with her. I haven't slept since because thoughts torture me and keep me awake. I get panic attacks whenever I think too much about it. I have no motivation to do anything and I feel like the only answer is death. I have no social life, I have nothing going for me have never worked an hour in my life. I live in a constant state of fear because of the capitalist nation I live in. I feel like there is nowhere I can be safe from death anyways so I should just sleep forever. I have lost all faith in everything. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I don't want to die, I want to be happy and live a meaningful life. I see no possible future where I can do that...",1.5786346863468594,3.426971690036904,3.0066036900369006,92.81394981549818,79.33210332103322,6.254819188191882,21.541107011070107,7.24861992348623,0.5024664501845022,1012,29,228,13,25,330,143,271,0.196,0.637,0.166,-0.8084,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,4,13,24,5,2,6,0,27,14,5,1,6,45,55,13,3,8,4,0,5,3,2,3,5,0,0,1,8,17,1,2,10,0,2,3,9,11,0,0,11,7,50,13,26,39,9,28,1,2,2,3,18,14,0,1,12,153,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248140436816143,0.0,0.0,0.08503660668476776,0.09199082245814814,0.0,0.11755945698901125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598516031461102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166935220376864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072463064004232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825235989538819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928716064033064,0.0,0.09741585065202954,0.11628156978875327,0.15674914472003892,0.147646315789601,0.09921862929913297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983702787103787,0.0,0.05398872098838073,0.0,0.11745629941914125,0.08667321529679227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200058855975112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24490697951461735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176500510923052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184965894972373,0.0,0.0,0.05679068531536705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122747125179132,0.0,0.21896751839581446,0.15145404216829594,0.0,0.2737423685272484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22560659272624856,0.0,0.2797939401459324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038549836272053,0.0,0.0796989844585445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915354312685476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859157681208835,0.2199132781336157,0.1212423648883515,0.0,0.0,0.09864576954739886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649565385800235,0.09896718768613848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661995969626233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824825846366463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234530021320548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548048991914013,0.0,0.10341048633000796,0.10533789425637057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903200949617097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621344554933975,0.0,0.08203712884927426,0.12051194008638227,0.0,0.0,0.09874184107063116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526290539391915,0.12190033325868414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324453934944152,0.0,0.11883113739011725,0.0,0.0,0.07522973564581448,0.0,0.0,0.14681365792613008,0.0,0.0,0.06654490481613204
suicidewatch,Roost00,2019/01/27,"Why the fuck is depression so needy! Like fuck, I get it Geeshie you want to put a bullet in your head but does it have to dominate your entire life?  I'm  sick of feeling so emotionally needy twords my friends, I feel like I'm bringing them down with me and that makes me hate myself even more. Like yeah I'm going to die alone, yeah no one cares about me, yeah I don't have a future but fuck, that can't be my entire my entire life. I'm sick of feeling like I need to be catered to all the time, that all the attention needs to be focused on me. Can't I think of anything else? Fuck me in the God danm ear I'm so sick of myself. I should give myself an ultimatum either swan dive off the tallest building or move the fuck on with my life because I can't take it anymore! Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!",-0.8246470588235297,1.3268752411764737,0.9443529411764722,100.40358823529414,96.58823529411764,3.896470588235295,16.8,5.6839178017228535,-0.6995105882352939,621,17,147,5,25,200,90,170,0.348,0.484,0.168,-0.9945,0,3,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,3,1,0,5,18,11,0,9,3,11,18,2,1,2,19,41,7,1,4,4,0,3,4,1,1,6,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,12,0,1,0,4,23,6,19,37,4,13,0,1,0,10,6,7,10,1,6,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489827930320477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086968919385402,0.0,0.0,0.0754014844662446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585516919586278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342016837553087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891848405167595,0.0,0.09509470122779634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018369291793448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654287586887051,0.10306841222361997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051898652910957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898859163699734,0.13091716403709705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079104695657508,0.8470798903296949,0.04787149753103912,0.08789728297887257,0.05207392252224805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046301754739328,0.09403607385652904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415727626737006,0.17905793834940362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116195348665255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738534983566184,0.0,0.13588100663190988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208904934379585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211077310429497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889234811248636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871109255985135,0.0,0.0,0.05342863228365408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054044172521533256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826794125426743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wocket-in-my-pocket,2019/01/27,"Here Again I swear I’m starting to feel like a regular here.

Nobody knows that I’m contemplating ending it tonight. Not my roommates. Not my family. Not my girlfriend.

I don’t think anyone thought about how stupid it was to give a suicidal woman an easy method. I do not plan on using it, that’s...not why I’m here. I’m here because I thought about the viability of a method. I’m here because I know that I get suicidal when I’m tired, and I’m tired a lot lately, and I get suicidal when I’m stressed, and I’m nothing but stress lately.

I’m depressed and I’m lonely and I’m scared, because if I tried to die and failed the roommate who would most likely find me would tell me I was being stupid. The other two...one isn’t as close as she could be, the other has distanced herself from me before because of my illnesses. They have every right to do it. They should do it, if they feel unsafe around me or that they can’t support me.

Doesn’t make me any less fucking lonely.

And that’s why I’m still lying here staring at the pills that could probably escort me right out the door.

I’m...going to go to sleep, I guess. I don’t think it’d be cool to kill myself tonight. Just needed to vent about the thoughts, you know? Just needed to get that off my chest. 

Thanks for listening. ",1.7387452471482874,3.743564821292779,3.0048152091254785,92.25681977186314,79.49429657794677,5.728912547528517,21.926844106463882,6.742157984588678,0.4135257490494295,1000,30,216,10,25,323,133,263,0.221,0.718,0.061,-0.9931,0,4,2,0,0,1,38.0,0,1,4,2,17,16,4,3,12,1,21,7,2,3,0,44,59,16,5,9,10,0,2,2,1,3,4,1,1,1,15,10,0,0,11,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,5,5,31,5,23,45,3,19,0,4,1,1,13,8,1,6,12,132,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388193667409895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759667102259241,0.0,0.0,0.09671657495215227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649145398383753,0.0,0.09244840626024103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348747069686438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935752867115138,0.0,0.11275576360932152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622671590874747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153761645751317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242029769220908,0.0,0.10986777447934123,0.077615601132226,0.0,0.0,0.09929903901007307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044002309174556,0.17028668862328628,0.10422163520684596,0.1234902643852555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968408621693764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019896266503613,0.0,0.17912440913505326,0.0,0.24511129419652625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615635944075244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236560759649386,0.0,0.0,0.07252099938465861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111693359320234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424725890414614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713706898339687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855634959233246,0.0,0.0,0.10877202568697188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872288979180493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689908538848322,0.0,0.08676358061054283,0.0,0.2489036506007043,0.0,0.0,0.356518111862839,0.1232884094963251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496001884344453,0.10002519254156428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392299252944822,0.0,0.25875462059772303,0.0,0.24974157568577665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376243506226808,0.0,0.10612981958637116,0.0,0.0,0.09383390307531587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960693955741532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543557691015566,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fucking_hate_golf,2019/01/27,"My family is no more She never loved me as much as I loved her. 4 years of loving her and sacrificing everything, destroying my body to make it work and build a family, FOR NOTHING. Now my son will experience the same pain I did when my parents split. Fuck my fucking liver. I'm sorry Jr, daddy will get it together and will always be there for you. It's just right now he's not good and he loves you so much. He loves mommy too but sometimes mommies and daddies separate. He will always have her in a special place in his heart. This pain is too great. I want it to end. I want to stop loving you, caring about you. I am empty. I am done.",0.32181818181818045,2.6177559545454585,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,87.93939393939394,5.724242424242425,18.098484848484848,7.1686216300943375,0.3285666666666671,494,13,106,8,16,168,85,132,0.163,0.649,0.188,0.8296,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,4,0,1,9,15,3,0,3,0,12,13,3,1,1,14,26,10,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,21,10,11,19,4,11,0,0,0,8,21,4,2,0,7,73,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561561114355706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724194880555204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597273809597184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643984413809914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943321424424958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104342675347872,0.12086067208394012,0.232953650646046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844954152066596,0.06455248075017488,0.0,0.0,0.10363222094492804,0.0,0.13622001950490292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464134803647529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6690802302641322,0.0,0.08247404047743251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816545439709644,0.0,0.09529336990916898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185545252199148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629428405329937,0.0,0.13719340296824034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290888632251027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055154465863005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219922995560087,0.13830990572482554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329766091793717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575208991920074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994964083632086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956548346626098
suicidewatch,throwaway4739572,2019/01/27,"I don't think I'm mentally ill anymore but I still wish I'd done it when I was? I haven't felt depressed in a couple months. I'm in a happy relationship, and I'm in this weird place where I don't know if I even want to die anymore and I'm starting to think more about the future. But a lot of my mindset hasn't really changed. Thinking about living out my whole life just makes me feel tired, and I think if I could pick never to have existed in the first place, I would. But I don't feel like 'my existence is pain' or whatever anymore. I don't really know what changed. But I still have unhealthy eating habits and no desire to actually do physical therapy to improve my chronic pain even though ""it can get worse in the future if you don't do anything about it, you know."" Like I still feel like I'll be dead before any of the consequences of my health choices actually kick in, or at least, if they do I can just off myself then.

It's just weird because ""I want to die"" has just been a fact of life for years now, ever since I was 14. And now I'm 19 and I'm almost indifferent, I dunno. I kinda wish I'd done it early on, back when it was more of an impulsive thing and I hadn't really thought through and realized what the consequences would be for my parents or anything. I feel like it would have been much simpler that way, I dunno. Like yeah the fact that I died would have sucked for them but tbh it'll probably be worse when they find out I'm gay and dating a trans person. Or if not that, the fact that I'm an atheist. Like I 100% know that they would rather I died a Christian than lived to become an atheist. And tbh I wish it had happened that way. But I don't really consider myself suicidal anymore. Just kind of... here. And fine. Happy, even. I just know things would be simpler if I didn't have to... exist, I guess.

I don't really know what I want out of posting this. But if anyone has thoughts I'd love to hear them I guess.",1.7260049019607848,3.4218239044117658,3.348627450980392,91.24049019607844,78.33823529411767,6.690196078431374,22.362745098039216,7.594959193182576,0.7688303921568629,1515,45,340,22,36,502,166,408,0.182,0.682,0.136,-0.9767,2,0,0,0,0,3,48.0,0,2,5,1,26,17,1,0,16,1,44,11,0,2,5,87,84,34,6,22,26,1,5,6,0,7,8,1,0,1,22,14,1,0,19,0,0,0,14,6,0,1,13,6,48,11,36,59,6,38,1,1,0,2,12,15,1,18,26,228,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.1365331787240057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005044370453947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047572217317733916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775086911673256,0.04891459280124583,0.0,0.11513502165536298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537915501011136,0.0,0.04264429381233584,0.07726048101964497,0.059527076187651615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480075305117954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585386651612082,0.07740455780683886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025266899331295,0.0,0.29041153666076913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317776514625102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158205894076627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861507251310795,0.06327885911792877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148664420648108,0.14992891674981967,0.06716836124069704,0.0,0.06393816507635484,0.059504210679200975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654892170842002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412799434594676,0.0,0.061861519621344674,0.14893810671724558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435954784416536,0.07884506271782679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728480083260843,0.2306746601912181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882343990896454,0.20506068039004366,0.0,0.12354417999928913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947376253342549,0.06313767410224368,0.0,0.04669591645985778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049880653568193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583790475624386,0.0,0.05142542647794005,0.0,0.053954083184204964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488754139383546,0.0,0.07767743215638309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108254500906465,0.1461774574923811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699814198639108,0.0,0.07542398524582948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240767925430758,0.0,0.0,0.07510615072685692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786800791825431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049514944603751714,0.0,0.16759993434970985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652008893622211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000034284416035,0.0,0.09295080478718493,0.17929893452733436,0.06873103689654603,0.11107388893843173,0.0,0.08040368895718282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378490326139087,0.11105502259667943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810294627835061,0.24133651571012116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258149703254175,0.2981667721165525,0.0,0.0,0.045049122699952635
suicidewatch,Farewell_j,2019/01/27,"Farewell... I just wanted to say goodbye J. You have always been the love of my life, and forever will be. I will no longer be on this Earth to endure this pain come February 14. I've been waiting for the past 2 years for you to talk to me, but I can't wait anymore. I must be gone before the baby arrives.

I wish you the best. You deserve it. My final gift to you is that you will no longer have to worry or think about me. I'm going to write you a very long final goodbye, and write my will to leave everything I have to you, including this ring I bought you. I'm sorry it ends this way. Farewell Boofy <3",0.6554919499105551,2.5946648294573684,2.2753488372093043,96.42354203935601,82.87596899224806,5.209540846750151,19.22540250447227,6.297961479604792,-0.17237316636851485,469,12,109,4,13,153,77,129,0.099,0.784,0.117,0.7478,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,9,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,15,3,0,0,1,14,27,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,4,2,21,2,14,15,1,11,0,0,0,1,14,1,0,1,6,70,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132027509799316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419149077734364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520060185854444,0.0,0.21607301664164488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773594222307331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236094297424588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504422221080896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510935555896836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701428677452642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801198324280247,0.0,0.0,0.1454289985216334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822096824684342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582734464886075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190856984283597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965490897294876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373514723689142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304814402541741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548977225701514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192854098342713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988408646164915,0.1214415967843566,0.16342904812775488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367679018847807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909531871312476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258896481578544
suicidewatch,onemonkeyboy,2019/01/27,"I am on the spectrum and feel useless daily I feel like a burden to those around me every day and get very common suicidal thoughts that I do not act upon, I am afraid of myself  and what I could do",6.4521428571428565,4.489728023809526,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714288,66.3809523809524,9.352380952380953,30.523809523809533,7.1686216300943375,1.762866666666666,155,4,33,1,2,52,33,42,0.233,0.711,0.056,-0.8393,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,9,3,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,7,1,5,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339039011500932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994737111762061,0.0,0.0,0.241897873858244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160240863809089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793070477059353,0.2679597785693002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596568521088906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324688693067687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102805489150825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29777445869002794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30948322858373584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SillyBronson,2019/01/27,"""I'm not suicidal"" I say, not sure whether I believe myself. ""I just think about death a lot."" But that's just what I have to say. You don't get to talk about your problems when the correct response is a prison sentence but with nicer guards. I've been there before. Not going back, even if it kills me. We all have a line, and that's where I draw mine.

Yet, every day, my thoughts edge closer to the precipice. Self harm that used to be occasional and mild becomes regular and serious enough that I need to perform first aid. Thoughts of the inevitability of death become fantasies of suicide. I daydream about them, trying to decide what strikes a balance between physical and emotional comfort. I know that some things could be instant, but last moments spent preparing for something so gruesome are disconcerting to think about.

I haven't left my house in weeks. My therapist has reached the point of saying ""I don't really have any advice on steps to take, but maybe having someone to talk to would help."" He's right, but it feels stupid. He's my professional friend, as long as I don't say any of the above without a disclaimer. My psychiatrist, bless his heart, is trying his best to fix my brain chemicals. The problem remains me. I have trouble measuring my own progress due to instability and often placebo myself into rejection medications for no good reason. Unfortunately, knowing an effect is a placebo does not negate it.

So, am I suicidal? I dunno. I've never attempted, but I'm reckless and obsessed with my own death. I've begged my family to stop supporting me, but they won't. There's no reason a grown man has any right to this much financial support. They've kept me alive, but only left me feeling guiltier.

I feel guilt every time I put an implement of death in place to feel it out. Guilt that I'm considering doing this to my family who have already suffered so much, but also guilt for wanting to do it in such an obvious way. If I was thinking clearly, I'd have an accident. Lots of young men die in accidents. ""A tragic turn of events,"" they would say, ""that took him from us before he could get better."" At least they could hope it wasn't suicide. They could hope that I didn't abandon them.

I dunno how much longer I have. ""I'm not suicidal"" I say, still hoping I mean it. It used to be scary, to think about taking my own life. The thoughts I had terrified me. It's not anymore, and they don't. After all is said in done, all roads lead to Rome. This path is just shorter. Maybe that isn't so bad.",3.2654071388734,5.429101147239269,4.067426566276262,85.69576338538762,75.359918200409,7.0630414575199865,26.860057631530022,8.00094639256281,1.710541513292433,1987,77,386,32,44,635,252,489,0.21600000000000005,0.647,0.13699999999999998,-0.994,0,0,1,0,0,3,78.0,2,2,7,8,24,28,2,4,19,0,41,4,2,7,8,87,78,28,11,15,22,0,4,0,1,3,2,7,0,3,25,12,0,4,18,1,1,6,20,16,0,1,13,11,57,12,53,55,15,42,1,4,0,0,32,18,0,11,17,259,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934958658228324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831549290801948,0.056753475414016714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478301942234795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038167178333933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054570387803110285,0.0592557243778364,0.0,0.15675824188638074,0.1207779149788134,0.07995718514572309,0.07447705132380396,0.06276586177081325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922430497214501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266502564331025,0.0,0.0,0.0457688046517164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736540876228963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210500341083844,0.07262540449314746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982999859147061,0.0,0.07332942072793826,0.0,0.04687401799587327,0.0,0.11958802650147418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338055517360969,0.0,0.1435352026255982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060365760915574565,0.0,0.0,0.05483007894378946,0.0,0.07415621329613648,0.0,0.040333028053096825,0.05952500191654996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409800175904854,0.047568682561196785,0.0,0.0,0.21146316944604596,0.0,0.08188810847275897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785161187767427,0.0,0.07800485168719748,0.05784879098171228,0.0,0.0,0.15421494298841867,0.0,0.050127142922378035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280487996056466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066974383368552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259477303484208,0.0773054901925772,0.0,0.07149328690883815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651001656764454,0.05262223572678218,0.054735274172037336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539747342283883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414696665589085,0.0,0.06708816162177902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581451989785331,0.0,0.0713429335771801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546423162659368,0.14593485398523665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121340453782015,0.06750728513634974,0.3386219479083882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403561220235096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060131370853036624,0.05463501042483025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056675527389509386,0.05933283498172748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881400443126181,0.1610684017429535,0.06688696147744343,0.0,0.10671894393503696,0.11408356724515548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239988620691223,0.047148310973686484,0.1818949699618074,0.0,0.16902316022059585,0.04138229694170896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788486031053702,0.09636589175482917,0.07719333746269118,0.0,0.0,0.08536635475047873,0.12258797772952727,0.0,0.0,0.04185905383805345,0.05633148365488831,0.0569266415246827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841109136284307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082795751263687,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nusnusnu,2019/01/27,"I didn't do it, and now I feel even worse I had decided on a date and everything, but it came and went, and I had gotten so caught up in getting everything in order so my husband wouldn't have to worry about mundane things, like scheduling doctor's appointments and such. I was feeling pretty good too, knowing there was an end right around the corner.

I guess I was feeling too good, because I wasn't able to go through with my plan, and now it's been three days since. I feel so down and depressed, I just want to curl up and cry. I feel like a fraud and a failure. My husband doesn't understand and I can't tell him why I feel so down, because he will have me hospitalized, even though it won't do anything for me, except rack up some more medical debt. He thinks I'm doing really well.

It's exhausting, pretending when there's no end in sight.",5.352138728323702,5.124675572254336,5.889947976878612,83.64775433526015,67.84393063583815,9.46335260115607,30.59479768786128,9.120678840339163,2.288195838150289,666,23,142,11,10,216,103,173,0.163,0.672,0.165,-0.5514,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,19,7,0,0,5,0,18,3,0,0,0,30,36,17,0,2,3,2,6,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,10,1,1,4,7,2,1,1,12,7,19,5,18,21,2,25,0,1,1,0,6,12,0,2,10,98,25,1,0.14936526135521072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229148833502736,0.1329667498804887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821033539278064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083406763071116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407072594635586,0.096328236894342,0.0,0.12864808073818151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288167414510362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645865752046989,0.0,0.0,0.19730869285557368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684797315568262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531413843908689,0.10670657255675292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803718423428067,0.0,0.08488772015196494,0.2505609892758497,0.0,0.0,0.16454267497122788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208724140177631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594464393476406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046978679290146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195816857900613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568721114025236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275571170794273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355648769105212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055182196484302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923164267020146,0.09570722837150347,0.1467506109126405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554945047196371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809950106778275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342973080050939,0.13846309370279924,0.13477891609284529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168767326854038,0.15221596195223294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluebellsandjays,2019/01/27,"to add to everything else i'm going through, i think my best friend hates me now without too much detail, friend is 21 trying to date a 17 year old, i don't approve, said as much, friend won't talk to me,pretty sure friend hates me now. we've been friends for a while, i have a tattoo that is a tribute to our friendship, this person is one of like five friends, and the only one who knows a lot of my depression struggles. now they won't talk to me and i have no one else to talk to about how i'm feeling. i seriously don't feel like there's a point to this anymore. i've been thinking about death a lot recently and now i just want to do it. i don't see a reason not to. people would be better off without me ruining things with my depression and anxiety. i had to make an excuse and leave a gathering with friends today because i started crying out of nowhere. if i'm this miserable, what's the point, because i don't see it. i'm just done. i guess i just wanted someone to know before i do anything. ",3.0769968553459117,3.87784616509434,4.393698113207544,88.73494968553459,73.19811320754717,7.351446540880502,27.34088050314465,7.554174236665415,1.3387065408805037,785,28,174,9,15,260,113,212,0.14800000000000002,0.65,0.202,0.8747,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,3,12,20,2,2,12,0,19,0,0,3,1,32,40,9,1,4,7,0,2,2,7,3,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,8,0,4,5,5,22,12,27,31,5,16,0,4,2,0,17,4,0,4,13,117,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816421543869405,0.0,0.1013309486522274,0.0,0.0,0.08408198617749339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457085155586185,0.0,0.08694408921342447,0.0,0.10722720947427344,0.0903662012432709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223533013361553,0.0,0.0,0.17600775189385975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456132892376724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070955767915014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182903022967376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332631975420427,0.07299441950570444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525854446606281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806886780436876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255817477459107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175491888092528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230630675088796,0.0,0.0,0.10818943039911368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998358799156336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373244065485702,0.0,0.0,0.06820314698121678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022195457548512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721632539947916,0.0,0.20771092077248968,0.07770930817686438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083584193314403,0.08921597670797086,0.0,0.0,0.19317833430828124,0.0,0.0,0.10394953224343408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050537506502428,0.10088628638223128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719259390229523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284178459695076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657323274522541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232056463608744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068163419821918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629949228598386,0.0,0.0,0.2463751386192201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678810684267494,0.13094026750343166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685072134136524,0.0,0.0,0.06937066839854622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053188074735925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698767052510013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258276428040554,0.0,0.0,0.06579787205849169
suicidewatch,cryptidkitten,2019/01/27,"I want to experience just a few good things before I go I want to get a taste of that happiness that drives other people to get out of bed and embrace the day — even if it’s a poor knock-off of said happiness that ends up only lasting a few hours.

I just want to know what it feels like.

I don’t want my life to be miserable all the way until the end; I want to experience genuine affection and caring, adventure, a feeling of acceptance, and finding my “place” among others. Maybe even one of those things would be enough.",5.666571428571428,5.411913895238096,6.406428571428571,80.30107142857145,67.19047619047619,10.047619047619053,29.880952380952376,9.725611199111238,2.4839523809523807,409,13,85,8,6,135,67,105,0.055,0.643,0.302,0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,8,0,4,2,0,1,1,20,17,5,0,7,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,11,4,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,4,8,7,15,13,4,13,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,7,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492781611404586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166840004245225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226182260042767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28088446636592473,0.16384085778371602,0.0,0.20946242967625708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31021555582891425,0.0,0.0,0.16035126479171566,0.11327943856241456,0.0,0.0,0.14492626771884895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568817093903715,0.0,0.0901165977807372,0.1329974691845502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337592483329248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561553714689685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714361633333277,0.12925228976455766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199971325452282,0.07746723997403529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593006578913398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074482891876002,0.12059643546669913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992955980224507,0.0,0.1656675110530811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083238614996244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068814225717872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676310830468941,0.1258621506978564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264059420802527,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crabrave26,2019/01/27,"Comfortable with the idea of Death I cant help but want to get hit by a car, sleep and never wake up, or just strangle myself. I feel like death would be a sweet release of all this overthinking and swelling on memories that dont mean shit. I know people have a better time when I'm not around so whens thas day going to come to release me from this earth. ",8.7168,5.045546546666671,8.16266666666667,81.06800000000001,63.53333333333333,11.6,34.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.499133333333333,281,7,64,3,3,89,61,75,0.128,0.667,0.204,0.8113,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,4,0,5,3,3,0,2,17,14,7,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,11,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,6,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446319548281707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430399514366608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367175065899431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722449347520589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32206578339732617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894809890031026,0.19631853422780346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357265215308893,0.0,0.15617625414133016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841939228333071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102178991945798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102393905707667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425432890009148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993398330257288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119441683955374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905130385757838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208020415650564,0.0,0.0,0.2750003613909523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023919938795902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208528210976975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952113872570466,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jirel-of-Joiry,2019/01/27,"International pen pal is determined to end his life and I’m scared out of my mind A pen pal of mine, that I’ve meet through Reddit,, seems determined to kill himself.  I’ve begged him not to and begged him to seek out help in some form or another but he insists no one cares.  I live in the US and he resides in Germany, but he might be somewhere else on a trip.  I don’t know what to do and I’m worried that I might also be held liable since I’m an associate therapist.  What do I do?  I’m really scared. ",1.5783333333333331,2.9663846111111165,3.6214814814814815,90.47166666666668,77.8888888888889,7.392592592592592,24.037037037037038,8.167268648758528,1.161214814814814,390,13,92,7,9,133,67,108,0.13,0.785,0.084,-0.7184,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,17,17,8,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,11,1,14,12,2,8,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,5,1,55,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583477431833246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744691613669864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142888722399691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732321333957118,0.0,0.1836694435853244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389966284815077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294256473758912,0.0,0.11396585742911645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464725001088179,0.0,0.0,0.1831126798971928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399764121025945,0.20938592413462884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052017717186002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284738135156512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41522974668532,0.0,0.0,0.1887830666828968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153970361508722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407740923933744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494421719753921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059564739012884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_777777776,2019/01/27,"I don't know what else to do I fucking dissapoint everyone, no matter what I do it's never enough. My grades are at a 95 average and that's literally the only good thing in my life.  My friends just don't understand me even though they try to, all their lies about how much they care really drive in just how alone I am. There is litteraly no fucking point in getting up in morning when the entire world is turned against you. Not to mention the girl(who is a very good friend of mine) that I have a crush on constantly talks about her sex life with me, and has fucked 3 of my friends. I just can't fucking take it anymore. Plus I'm fucking short so of course no girls want to date me, and they would think I'm obnoxious anyways. Its not that I have nothing to live for, I just have no one to live for ",3.3335943775100425,4.340032861445785,4.021867469879517,90.86645582329321,72.79518072289156,7.702008032128515,27.086345381526108,8.07648339933343,1.3890176706827315,629,22,143,9,12,200,102,166,0.135,0.7440000000000001,0.121,-0.377,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,4,0,14,11,5,0,6,0,15,8,0,2,2,21,30,9,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,0,0,22,6,23,29,3,15,0,0,0,6,12,10,5,0,4,101,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054040953833394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457423493551252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835138865572494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466394584580385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133568195423501,0.0,0.0,0.14021051848703894,0.0,0.0896261050684693,0.0,0.0,0.12966359897320515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31451579956903936,0.6272450647827604,0.07089569924370984,0.0,0.0,0.2276311826497668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457511999272848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916925738578145,0.0,0.0,0.2396445809924549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975237021068216,0.0,0.10465732710019407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020422865699274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195130287602814,0.10320312633369998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827683393587852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693050382369713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202670574090514,0.10906751993610056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901505706957,0.08694868920058375,0.1333208940991353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092128858466917,0.14759857315039787,0.0,0.14126460031614474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196363215852276,0.08003717448942363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639473529517292,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TaiHaiRhetoric,2019/01/27,"a quick and painless death That’s all I’m asking for. Pain makes your rethink things, if I couldn’t feel it I’d probably be gone by now..",0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,2.0766666666666684,97.985,83.0,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,-0.09499999999999977,108,3,26,1,3,35,28,30,0.237,0.691,0.07200000000000001,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,7,7,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45024261397590826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24351771805204295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214800402519552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512469587212964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192596623226438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31996190170208777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwa2934,2019/01/27,"Please help me I haven’t slept in 36 hours My medication normally makes me incredibly drowsy and I take it before bed but my meds ran out (I had to take care of a stupid. Insurance thing and I won’t have meds until Monday).


Please I don’t know what to do. I feel so anxious  and depressed and uncomfortable I’m so fucking sorry please someone just tell me what to do",0.1910909090909101,2.595152133333336,2.173090909090913,91.62654545454548,94.33333333333334,5.3939393939393945,18.81818181818182,6.980632752743323,0.40819999999999945,290,9,62,5,11,96,50,75,0.211,0.624,0.165,-0.7239,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,7,3,1,1,0,11,17,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,1,11,1,7,13,0,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053996559443545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471151831152924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537292275169168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659734190356842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919313317060272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808541218143108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186703346241555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905154999355272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999209917004194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136319465244567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039118551958622,0.18315989257950668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781404938272753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5987361496220164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540516026371021,0.0,0.0,0.2035274604429805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734051146964873,0.0,0.15891467780206622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079007619634324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Samantha_505,2019/01/27,"I’m scared my mother wants to kill herself, please help I’m pretty scared, we have been through a lot of tough things this month, my mother can’t no longer handle it and I can’t either. I just wanna see her smile again. ",2.0336956521739147,3.739741717391308,2.4906521739130447,97.68858695652176,77.47826086956522,4.6000000000000005,15.847826086956525,3.1291,-1.160678260869565,173,2,39,0,4,53,37,46,0.259,0.546,0.195,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,4,7,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484509600469625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33811409151486377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982015823828103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393636170752864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33546989853393355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109169918350454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6119412985263615,0.0,0.2435329756624873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303484914552766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025771243697186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thelowerrandomproton,2019/01/27,I am. My fiance is distant. I think she's gone. And I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss.,-6.077499999999999,-5.795230416666663,-0.9346666666666668,110.31300000000005,124.0,1.92,8.966666666666667,3.1291,-2.5295233333333336,66,1,22,0,5,26,20,24,0.126,0.8740000000000001,0.0,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,7,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6510312515317983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7590509268349129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cutesei,2019/01/27,"My ex sexually assaulted me 1 month before he broke up with me and emotionally manipulated me and lied to me for 2 months to keep using me for sex. I'm 19, ex is 22. I don't know if I can handle facing him in court; he has a cult-like family who will no doubt be there with him and watching me like skeptical hawks while I testify. He was emotionally abusive for 3 years and gaslighted me so often. He's trying to stay/be friends with my close friends and guilt-tripping them when he finds out I tell them I'm not comfortable with that. Apparently I have friends who are reporting back to him on every little thing I do and I don't know who or how many people that is. All of my friends are online/long-distance because I moved for this guy 1000 miles from home; I'm attending his old university and being on campus triggers anxiety and flashbacks and I rush home asap. It's week 2 of class and I skipped the whole week. 

He became my only motivation after a while and now that he's no longer in my life I just lay on the couch on my phone until it's time for bed; doing simple homework takes 5-6 hours.
I've been seeing a therapist but it isn't doing anything for me. I adopted kitties for emotional support but I resent them now because I have to plan for their wellbeing in my suicide plans.

My friends tell me it's petty, spiteful, and a waste of time to bring him to court. I don't feel like it's right to let him get away with sexual assault after 3 years of other types of abuse. I'm terrified of testifying and facing him, and cross examination especially. I have text messages where he straight up admits to sexually assaulting me and a photograph and my story is straight, but I also don't know if I  could handle knowing that this person I loved so much is now in prison at my hands. It's easier to just kill myself to end my own depression and leave behind as much evidence of his abuse and assault as I can for anyone who would need it. I'm completely alone and only live for video games, my cat, and my online friends at this point.

Literally the day after I cut off contact with him for good, a social manipulator sweet talked me into trusting him. I decided to give casual dating with him a shot and the moment he had that power he defined the relationship for me on the spot and was making sexual remarks immediately. He wouldn't respect boundaries even after I talked about it 4-5 times and he always replied with ""you're right...""  and when I broke things off he had a meltdown and guilt-tripped to hell.

After all this happening in the span of 6 months I'm just completely overwhelmed and hate my life and myself. I feel like everything is at least somewhat my fault. I feel like I'm only good for sex because that's all guys seem to approach me for now and I never want to open myself up for a relationship again. I don't want to be in college right now because of this, but I don't want to drop out. I don't want to live and be part of society right now, but I don't want to die, but at the same time I really do. I grew up in an abusive home, suffered at a new abuser's hands for 3 years, then was taken advantage of again by a third person. I have 0 intrinsic motivation, I don't want the standard ""family and house"" happiness I used to; I honestly just want to bring my kitties to a boarding place and check them in for 2 weeks so they'd be taken care of and come home, write a note to my ex's family, my friends, and my dad, and kill myself. I didn't ask to be born and life has been constant emotional abuse for almost 2 decades. I'm tired of it. I feel like no one would care too much if I died since my friends are all long-distance and my high school friends have fallen out of contact since I moved for my ex. My family isn't close either. I feel like I'm living out of obligation and just because of basic survival instinct even though I'm having flashbacks and nightmares of my abuser constantly and have been severely depressed for 3 months now.",6.499506151038908,5.506619897404207,7.222760904114428,77.58651524515867,65.72435105067984,10.4241685796692,32.611719347813285,9.66644846860713,2.785466866796162,3143,108,645,55,42,1049,328,809,0.191,0.675,0.134,-0.9949,2,1,0,0,5,4,70.0,0,0,6,7,30,49,12,2,23,0,56,11,4,9,5,121,105,63,5,15,17,5,7,6,9,4,4,0,7,4,27,56,0,1,16,3,1,11,18,20,0,2,11,10,100,29,111,81,14,104,1,6,2,3,69,46,1,9,52,418,127,9,0.0,0.4155858508714463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501756035954061,0.051896444913108124,0.0,0.04007109368426385,0.04169360389793513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383322381369407,0.0,0.0,0.035036454997742834,0.0,0.04123435128329976,0.0,0.04684391686757064,0.0,0.04707781491166006,0.0385297130456434,0.0,0.15272588357603314,0.0,0.04263794517252417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217623875737222,0.0,0.0,0.04316332958154022,0.10507389852336273,0.10829720224886454,0.0,0.04000690527249285,0.0,0.0,0.032315308368987467,0.0,0.08631534291845673,0.0,0.10400772195308176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545758327839255,0.04438053183415189,0.0,0.0,0.06619130027785454,0.0,0.042217881623098696,0.0,0.0450335519251646,0.0,0.1889482453709799,0.0,0.1266797431664342,0.1789846834293998,0.0,0.0,0.04579751184760765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484176242317993,0.0,0.026179194741665503,0.048067852627238214,0.0,0.08405588947474271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922896246345912,0.04431005604221295,0.05334055723054991,0.0,0.04947096028814176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294151514364722,0.20104835474194355,0.0,0.049345971489387484,0.05781753526637196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044538008394714085,0.11087344795277873,0.0,0.1101514822478278,0.0,0.0,0.05305679826354163,0.0,0.0512384978164041,0.10617760897534427,0.14688048880393226,0.05022105923475054,0.13273799866942432,0.0886874402094212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522413763790082,0.0,0.03344726556902865,0.05080132292485537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998188884937922,0.10651306810195267,0.11050473104346416,0.03715420989288922,0.03864613194489731,0.04839430969542829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052579581261248634,0.0,0.033954260842627704,0.11432744599715695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054261734606363854,0.0,0.034738356246172976,0.08750418706554937,0.052351860843721815,0.0,0.047367953941854966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03210026296191134,0.0,0.0,0.10759379233463398,0.0,0.17116674013672709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071164739737407,0.03992933358814642,0.045616150063507714,0.0,0.056607415945436265,0.0,0.08289918157860263,0.0,0.0,0.0510784696679143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340811996321312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480966923982944,0.056861601591208566,0.0,0.0,0.03767473946846976,0.08054931046190351,0.08759264201117863,0.0,0.0,0.0581788786621935,0.06657863231455212,0.0,0.049230541302036655,0.0,0.11687276492052165,0.05759140715424906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034019825643327006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865538947937475,0.0,0.0,0.20688365583784427,0.0,0.12058007561785475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055943435399565714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119011658771468,0.0,0.0,0.09680310944699222
suicidewatch,thenewbroken,2019/01/27,"Help I'm 13, struggling with an eating disorder since I was 11. My mom recently found out by accident when I confronted my school guidance counciller. I argued with her over text, and in the car back home. In the car she said I was doing this to hurt her, and I could just choose to eat normally and do kava, a damaging substance to the liver thats *supposed* to help with anxiety and ""coping mechanisms"". She kept me from my dads that weekend. When I went out for a walk (when my grandma comes home from church we go walking on the weekends I stay), she called my selfish and said it was a choice to have an eating disorder. She's putting off getting me help, and I think my best friend who knows about my eating disorder is ignoring me. I don't know what to fucking do anymore. I posted an explanation on what was happening in my IG story and my dad and step-mom saw...but I got no response. Even when I came back the next weekend they said nothing, absolutely no concern. Does my family care? Does anybody care? I want to live with my dad if my mom dosen't provide me help by summer, but even then I don't want to argue with her and hear her manipulative, ""turn to god and listen to my flat-earth documentry, why I'm right and you can choose not to have a mental illness"" rant. I feel so trapped like I can't talk to anyone and I just want someone to talk to. I'm borderline failing this school year, and I don't know if I should just restrict until my heart gives out (which I've gotten close to before) because I know I can't OD. I just don't want to live if nobody around me cares enough to hand me support or encouragement/help. I don't see the fucking point, my family clearly dosen't care enough to help me with my ed or health in general.",4.496830890503754,5.057917609065157,5.33786180564109,84.12891119596011,69.79320113314448,8.518733834216036,29.512132035965013,8.587818076936951,2.0300517058751075,1368,50,286,21,23,447,180,353,0.123,0.733,0.145,0.8478,0,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,1,1,2,15,19,5,1,13,0,20,11,3,1,1,60,58,26,1,10,11,5,2,1,1,1,2,5,2,0,9,27,4,3,9,3,0,9,10,11,0,0,13,8,57,8,43,43,3,41,1,3,1,2,34,15,2,5,16,181,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024199134152468,0.0,0.07809683877814606,0.05506242059416037,0.0,0.0,0.07010240028302164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110467598552427,0.0,0.048004039436181964,0.0,0.06700873334678194,0.0,0.08264114964208176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041049504747108,0.09006671368435262,0.32115526719528154,0.0,0.0,0.06783441440682983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287385652819755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707560322720485,0.0,0.1378257809397644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223153836653885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273543390426476,0.0,0.1040245999718976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847317968977974,0.0,0.03981734624373261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634309860050551,0.060840496211114314,0.14560248244309432,0.04114257083871308,0.07554224074866071,0.04475429340459034,0.0,0.06298195565444671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963658116965107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837054233533912,0.08875469990688256,0.09331673884017314,0.31669867782964445,0.0,0.15798129504366282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430134435101831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731113277582114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03847228670879616,0.0,0.13907182318214562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935944499481128,0.0,0.0,0.2766860573062471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837493731428985,0.0,0.07715630341820769,0.07556081339441205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744422973956487,0.0,0.07541879962226695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916347310829203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775413284207716,0.0,0.0,0.06725034708667726,0.22472209440577035,0.0,0.0,0.1593943256072487,0.06275194679988869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514114517702714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672291032635236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393487197113031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232448970042458,0.0,0.0,0.0893622777382703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265892913968798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045852770943162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856551922939388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579040231153165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300016904905557,0.07105780606162547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507111191047174
suicidewatch,Axubion,2019/01/27,There is one thing that makes me hesitate I’m Anglican and I don’t know if Christians who kill themselves go to hell or not. I don’t know if I want to chance it ,-1.2141666666666673,0.832659249999999,0.9846666666666692,100.82700000000004,95.38888888888887,5.102222222222223,18.31111111111111,6.742157984588678,-0.06171555555555575,127,4,32,2,5,42,28,36,0.287,0.63,0.083,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,9,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694370735524542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5245119023062821,0.0,0.521096480378888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164596973303552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212566087699452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314965266554435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27963139670426457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManIhateLeBron,2019/01/27,"Worthless being I’m such a lazy piece of shit that I can’t even kill myself , I can’t wait till the day I finally grow the balls and do what I have to do , then I’ll finally have others care and love me ",0.3954347826086959,1.6945761521739158,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,80.95652173913044,6.339130434782609,18.02173913043478,7.1686216300943375,-0.10850434782608698,157,3,40,2,4,54,34,46,0.263,0.595,0.142,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,0,3,11,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,10,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32595483412410275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061796579554077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115843140164567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7004301081446068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537000067308484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28854118063929923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328166828797378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway25291318,2019/01/27,"Has life ever gotten better for anyone? Trying to hold on for my children.i love them so much. So many times a day I think they’d be better off without me. That I’m fucking them up. My son is a baby but my daughter sees me crying so much and so stressed all the time. I wish I could model for her what a healthy, happy person looks like. I want so badly to be a better mom. I wish I wasn’t so overwhelmed with the daily tasks. My husband left us for a week because I’m too depressed to have sex with him and I had to beg him to come back so I wouldn’t have to move back in with my even more toxic family. Things have been rocky for a longtime. I have been to therapy and am on antidepressants, but nothing ever really gets better. There is always that little whisper right behind me to just do it, to just off myself. That things will be calm and silent and I can exist no more. I don’t trust anyone to properly raise my children and I don’t want to predispose them to a higher risk for commuting suicide themselves, so I haven’t. I’ve researched, planned, but at the end of the day they keep me holding on. I’m so unbelievably tired of holding on, I feel like I could sleep forever. I’ve struggled with this for so many many years. Has it ever gotten better for any of you? I want to show myself and my kids how to live and not just miserably exist. I’m tired of fantasizing and contemplating how to die. I love them so much. But ever since my husband left it’s all I can think about some days. I feel so utterly and complete alone in this world.",1.5556965725806469,3.584489378125003,3.1858064516129048,90.6075806451613,80.21875,5.754032258064518,20.947580645161292,6.828538100315305,0.38887298387096747,1211,34,257,13,31,400,157,320,0.13699999999999998,0.687,0.17600000000000002,0.8327,0,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,1,1,6,6,27,20,1,5,11,0,27,8,1,2,6,49,50,28,2,8,9,5,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,3,11,15,0,4,4,1,0,2,8,8,0,0,6,5,44,12,44,36,8,31,0,3,2,4,21,15,1,1,16,186,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491184307718052,0.0,0.0,0.07625217482832661,0.0,0.0,0.062318631538783115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815423192452766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409316605220188,0.07651592711906273,0.05586315255336844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052425445175251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894011180902706,0.09608324216480242,0.0,0.0,0.14633484515496667,0.0,0.1006627038480223,0.17730147886103126,0.0,0.0789297638397611,0.0,0.09510829307628099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116621630205158,0.0,0.0,0.060527636484204124,0.3315760439944625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639043697687555,0.0,0.09267230481472333,0.06546793798809604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472009631273915,0.047878339785473636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755293654491898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145422043469377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913517997234728,0.0,0.06472834236366423,0.08954176551527915,0.09184778073409956,0.08092017427645455,0.0,0.07695487683675123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541812303235806,0.0,0.0,0.2787270224943203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732815828438316,0.0,0.09739926908565688,0.20209877014974825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793145942062354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001688444427463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058707202893730735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826042230392832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302555406328648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580590661257107,0.0,0.0917066066994764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497379730897853,0.09580246956356564,0.0,0.1002397511951518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479881262173288,0.0,0.12176365284967675,0.11743896822673472,0.0,0.0,0.10687253763437428,0.21065437555771602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221783319413726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023214798384652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621556911019759,0.0,0.07350842133430813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076393249926392,0.08833809958135849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059013429202452575
suicidewatch,rutherfart,2019/01/27,Why can’t people just let me end it Why. Like why. I’m just so tired,-4.897941176470589,-4.777090352941174,-1.4383823529411757,112.94477941176471,129.0,1.7000000000000002,4.25,3.1291,-3.242047058823529,52,0,16,0,4,18,14,17,0.194,0.6759999999999999,0.13,-0.3052,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646725687660954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055714809246112,0.0,0.14599207755715773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071694412483608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434583823224812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8089363243816584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsmikeyabish,2019/01/28,"... I want to end it. I want this life to be over.... I've been trying to get a hand on some Xanax to overdose but idk how to get it.. I hate my life so.fucking much.. I keep fucking things up... My ex is fucking her boss, and we work in the same place and I see them together every fucking day.. I love her so fucking much it hurts so bad seeing her love someone else.. I can't do this I need to vent and I just want this life over with, is there any easier way out? ",-1.4101370906321409,0.5337881386138612,0.9924752475247552,101.78487433358723,93.35643564356435,4.295811119573496,15.690022848438687,5.873414542411696,-0.8553905559786751,346,8,89,3,13,116,65,101,0.147,0.667,0.18600000000000005,0.3721,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,1,1,5,9,5,0,2,0,6,11,1,2,0,17,22,7,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,16,2,13,20,4,10,0,1,2,6,8,7,4,1,2,57,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700941002872752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910988358276027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199983716386877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191688641601686,0.0,0.1263488392363993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019189761023673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594052499179994,0.14906134429005294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084099829346192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271373978649647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267971660096865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30228158817618217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575010735504009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973377170044027,0.10577591341750553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904275762598376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735306414075024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087001985340495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477278170444713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685250048651654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524225506590839,0.11323186967380212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385359497925342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathbycokehead,2019/01/28,It’s really fucked up How we’re expected to stick around for the sake of everyone else around us so they won’t feel bad when we’re gone. ,10.839999999999995,4.772407000000005,10.27,74.86500000000002,62.33333333333334,16.0,36.66666666666666,13.023866798666859,3.9976666666666674,110,2,27,3,1,36,27,30,0.254,0.746,0.0,-0.8479,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,6,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.612643317701145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28730885063189754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28745111961407666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32880197987659365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398713172681196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31811459931944824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204390591904521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139095340326072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackOliveBurrito,2019/01/28,"I really want to kill myself. I would talk about this to my friends, or my boyfriend, or my family, but I feel like as soon as I open up about it they immediately think I’m just being dramatic and I’m over reacting. I just made a pros and cons list of living, and I ended up with one pro and probably 15 cons. 

My only pro is that I would get to watch my daughter grow up. All of my cons are strong and heavy. They are outweighing my pros. 

I think about it every single day. It’s horrible to be alone because I just think about how much I hate living, I hate existing. 


I think the only thing that stops me from doing it is that I’m scared to die. Not because of the dying part but I don’t know what happens after that. That’s the only thing that holds me back. 

I have attempted suicide before but it didn’t work out. I just needed to type this out. I needed to get it out. I wish everything would be bright and I wouldn’t hurt like this. Everything is dark and I can’t breathe. ",1.0738349514563126,2.9907557524271833,2.9192330097087367,92.47855825242719,81.28155339805825,6.4500970873786425,19.037864077669894,7.554174236665415,0.36148038834951457,759,18,173,12,20,253,105,206,0.189,0.7140000000000001,0.097,-0.9766,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,2,3,11,10,3,1,4,0,17,1,1,3,1,42,36,15,4,8,10,1,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,18,12,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,3,31,5,26,27,4,15,0,1,2,0,5,8,0,2,8,121,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511141909867058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003113838679641,0.0,0.15904758715249995,0.0,0.11100708900882644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413229807273806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707821496025325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554388063586653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991346145168784,0.0,0.2344880123426647,0.0,0.12298080153188258,0.0,0.06596166615624523,0.09319665196936967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007887485844064,0.0,0.13631408310643145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536039823592728,0.0,0.0,0.257593430914052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965413713325522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443284691113666,0.0,0.07169432851924952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746686414604566,0.0,0.2303872567581015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234391109041013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589899689274088,0.19346057451616214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839928003883564,0.29764935722409913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126940636678348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065191136199345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357243139652633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060761591838135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090657227377704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269594388828036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485430805664196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333621809218827,0.3343596571335105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694538717680567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001612597300065,0.0,0.0,0.09497235949621258,0.0,0.0,0.2780131961082497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ashigaru98,2019/01/28,"I'm done guys. I'm out. idk why I go on anymore. For the past month I've had some decent positive things happen to me I got a new job, I turned 21 on the 15th, and I witnessed my 2nd oldest brother get married to the love of his life, and I reconnected with the love of my life. But...idk why I'm so sad all the time I try to go out every other week I try to go out with my friends but when I go out it feels like I'm not wanted there like I just invited myself even though I was actively invited. But everything feels wrong I feel like I dont belong anywhere with anyone. The only person I feel even remotely safe around is the girl I like but she has a man and I'm not going to ruin their relationship what do I do i feel wrong in my skin i feel like I'm not supposed to exist here and like everyone hates me for things that's never happened or is always annoyed with me for something I said or did. I feel like disappearing forever is the only way to quell the voices and fears in my head ",0.9009999999999998,2.6143544837209376,3.256453488372096,90.86235465116282,80.90697674418605,6.3465116279069775,20.517441860465127,7.365786028017652,0.4871906976744183,774,21,177,11,20,267,115,215,0.101,0.715,0.184,0.9514,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,9,18,2,1,11,0,11,6,2,0,2,35,39,13,0,1,9,1,8,7,1,0,2,2,0,4,6,14,0,1,7,0,0,6,5,7,0,0,6,10,31,11,25,33,2,24,0,2,0,2,13,9,0,3,15,108,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784184490204486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469605686146163,0.07381628254931501,0.0,0.0,0.09397877047246096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080337151099206,0.1237260535165588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945462587272128,0.0,0.08894641534724199,0.10087568053027136,0.09487858841088104,0.0,0.0,0.11879444780838287,0.3736519234503268,0.3016739899028125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156232890416075,0.0,0.055155432708269635,0.0,0.2999864092061499,0.0,0.08443315393566488,0.0,0.0,0.10452988367045056,0.18670859348062974,0.0,0.0,0.1042275076873694,0.10834422592234036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476091901924138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913297944554466,0.3610296839040809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056024487314488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426414937555522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142130233399554,0.10195917476488207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057992658240056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077753287391254,0.0,0.09217875776951223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334157202886715,0.0,0.0,0.1004202711318836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812721552803272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402706733599203,0.0,0.10372098281749607,0.0,0.06155811880974176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433488098112688,0.11482873088321605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226731718289823,0.08379573923702642,0.08468106464346684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051916108953826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23084620529948174,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chetmanly8,2019/01/28,"A gentle reminder that nothing I do matters Not sure where to start. 

To summarize I have always struggled in work, career, etc. I have worked long and hard to achieve a specific kind of job, and finally three years ago I gave up on it and started working towards being debt free. I started to recover from my depression a bit and decided I'd give school one last try, only this time I would pick something in demand and useful. Something that explicitly appeared in many, many job advertisements. I have done so, added it to my linked in, I have done pretty well(?) in the program. Well, one of the people who do my dream job at my place of work noticed my LinkedIn account, and that there listed was an advanced degree in my field and a second advanced degree in a related field underway. 

She reached out and asked me if I wanted to come work in her department. To make a long story short, it was looking really good, and that finally, something would work out. 

Then the government shutdown came. Of course the field I want to work in is heavy in government workers, and the office that the job is in is in Washington DC and I am not. Any federal worker worth anything should logically be heading for the door. It will make far more sense to hire one of these people than it will be to hire me. 

A gentle reminder: nothing you do matters.",6.5379999999999985,6.7621518980392175,6.680784313725487,77.44352941176471,65.31372549019608,9.623529411764707,34.64705882352941,9.3871,3.147164705882353,1054,45,193,18,15,338,142,255,0.06,0.8220000000000001,0.119,0.938,5,0,3,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,12,5,8,0,1,15,0,23,1,1,4,2,35,38,14,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,13,15,0,0,3,1,4,6,2,2,2,5,6,2,22,7,36,24,3,40,0,1,1,0,7,22,0,2,12,136,35,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451960215217523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933656695916802,0.0,0.0,0.06483941336770509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784626793024093,0.0,0.08913682674904902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409452438730013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109051876364204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213323069671358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212246415322272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951467226632981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063374102421882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889654804383004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146578976189604,0.0,0.07997276656570837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541242603215775,0.0,0.0978538069653736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37846981359475257,0.0,0.0,0.09928950953287204,0.0,0.07772075108497657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875866753654314,0.08006769318696724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272900865520879,0.1933343333768137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829765546713328,0.10855349913789863,0.0,0.0,0.19382933378591435,0.07251589553822277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220358370183613,0.0,0.09961760378000516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700245180739106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108190282900217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649652784154594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020896065549786,0.0,0.0,0.20246186589950232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967766897790767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986367382271135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559776004563182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647345377410443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234942806444484,0.0,0.0,0.11247658071292987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714572934044462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858976382612326,0.0,0.0,0.13546393027857007,0.0,0.0,0.06140051595841475
suicidewatch,TopDogAlex,2019/01/28,"I’m always sick I love my life and what I do, but I can’t live in this pain. Today marks the 11th time I’ve gotten sick in the past 3 months. Each time I get a sore throat that is so bad that I’m awake for 48+ hours because the pain is so bad. They say it’s a common cold but I’m dying and I just and to die now. I can’t live in constant pain anymore ",-1.2117352941176451,0.02250987058823739,1.4643382352941183,103.48827205882357,85.58823529411767,4.25,14.154411764705882,3.1291,-1.6029705882352945,269,3,77,0,8,93,55,85,0.418,0.557,0.025,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,5,9,1,0,0,7,11,7,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,8,1,5,10,1,12,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037763440962942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792305862928905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017955655882445,0.11016825094566488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529946520372612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751279267181196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442132624557398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797766962972006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765137552887867,0.0,0.0,0.31916688044909963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631113216514204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425292937285145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5769122605679984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252241243472388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437197325133441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076434120067955,0.0,0.17130611920428995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WarDog2244,2019/01/28,"I have no desire to live anymore. I lost my best friend the love of my life. I'm blocked on all social media platforms. Zero communication can occur, I miss the dog we got together. I've been trying to get better since the breakup, but I just can't. Every day is one day closer and by the end of this year I doubt I'll still be here. I miss you so much.",0.23881578947368354,2.2057891973684214,2.5544736842105285,93.66881578947368,84.65789473684211,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.4640999999999997,273,6,63,2,8,93,60,76,0.139,0.7170000000000001,0.145,0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,0,3,4,8,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,13,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,0,10,4,6,9,3,8,0,3,0,1,5,3,0,1,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555888164242452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27046105777676177,0.2279322430878581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324159348216511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22826327090985904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714006912278586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911369858947348,0.0,0.1346479723102432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612208834128776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820351350803294,0.0,0.0,0.22757132837387756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813316345922509,0.0,0.2326022053967615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894537260410864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463762422289278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318850361681094,0.0,0.0,0.26271290761089977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058153862883038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749748449646383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596311853727164
suicidewatch,RISINGD34D,2019/01/28,"I'm seeing a therapist tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified. For almost a year I have been dealing with serious depression and it wasn't until this month it gotten so bad I needed to tell my parents. They scheduled for me to go talk to a therapist tomorrow and I no idea how to explain my feelings to a complete stranger. I'm not sure if i go into extreme detail right away and explain my suicidal tendencies or my violent behavior to myself? Or do i ease in and start slow and build up from there, but i really  want the least amount of worry from my parents. I'd rather them not find out I sometimes have violent feelings. I'd appreciate any kind of help you guys give.",3.6325222146274783,5.492578759398499,5.538988380041012,76.88603554340399,73.4360902255639,9.34764183185236,31.63978127136022,9.800150414767053,3.4549458646616538,537,26,98,15,11,185,88,133,0.19,0.736,0.07400000000000001,-0.9334,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,4,7,2,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,1,27,20,13,1,4,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,3,17,2,19,17,2,16,0,1,1,0,13,6,0,4,8,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208223461084315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686340626130545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614580594967842,0.0,0.14348697420948014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018070497938854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716906619750694,0.14801353672175027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378432323236512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706713250330365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485349254068882,0.1953318170289577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015780952549314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518695281346265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399692436517293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789545846786626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716845916022655,0.0,0.0,0.12742406678599572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816365863628742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009105195073596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675834979132305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694163015508054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996333631006788,0.0,0.1216358079041481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797522471527545,0.0,0.1619659166643175,0.0,0.0,0.1381259451547086,0.15020384900891634,0.0,0.0,0.3990605286215224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013611603192306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745212899309618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106653047647084
suicidewatch,0uttkasttt,2019/01/28,"Weak The love of my life is slowly drifting away from me after I was manipulated and sexually assaulted by someone I considered a friend. They blame themselves, and I constantly wish I could be with them to comfort them. Ironic really, but I could care less. I just want them to be happy. A part of me feels like they just want to leave, but they feel obligated to stay since I've attempted before (I was having an anxiety attack and nearly took my life in front of them)). I feel lost. I always feel lost nowadays. The cuts are frequent. Always deeper and more of them as I continue... But I can't. I'm in a constant loop of wanting to be alive for them, but feel they'd be better without me. If I just didn't exist all together. I'm weak. I've had a total of 3 attempts. All 3 I've been scared out of. I'm so incredibly weak.",1.1847403024326084,3.419155485207103,3.572258382643,86.17391683103224,82.90532544378698,6.595792241946089,21.814924391847462,7.793537801064563,1.1070115713346484,643,21,133,12,18,222,97,169,0.191,0.649,0.16,-0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,10,5,4,16,3,1,7,0,16,6,0,1,3,30,33,11,0,7,9,0,5,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,9,0,0,8,5,27,7,24,18,6,14,0,2,0,1,12,5,0,1,6,92,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491665692395877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453929829665573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033392610050305,0.14067166821978155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740503968031458,0.0,0.0,0.13241969131330614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265472691747978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235993032486659,0.0,0.2390866320177685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785275683315989,0.1069636475314284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567724752879995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593851622781189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853727145446286,0.0,0.0,0.211510544264874,0.07314812517586572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268852857734038,0.0,0.135132756209313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621377020556177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591773852756552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499009535085599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385415708650828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268615986773199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958704425439704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635010480416496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26493524496526394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217648578062894,0.14432966177940024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cclayton2001,2019/01/28,"Improvement Does Not Exist I have been depressed for a long time. (5+ years) I have been holding on for so long. Things finally improved last year only to drop to and all time low. I plan to kms tonight. The weather is supposed to be -50 Fahrenheit where I live. I have tried talking to people only to be turned down or yelled at. When I try to talk to new people they usually end up getting annoyed or giving up as they also cannot help reach any sort of improvement. Its so stressful and painful to deal with this everyday. I have tried so hard to better myself. I finished highschool, work a full time job, and even bought and paid off my car. Its really painful knowing I can work this hard the rest of my life and not see any improvements in my life. I just wanted to say I plan to drive my car out in front of a truck tonight on the highway. I cant keep going on.",2.169555084745763,4.080678197740113,3.124375000000001,92.36588453389831,77.75706214689265,6.006920903954803,24.621822033898304,6.9077264865688965,0.8197347457627115,679,24,145,7,16,216,108,177,0.157,0.7659999999999999,0.078,-0.8928,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,5,8,7,1,1,6,0,12,4,0,0,1,18,22,13,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,2,5,4,6,0,0,4,5,19,1,30,16,3,37,0,2,1,0,8,14,0,3,17,92,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140048849414808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946151428491909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320210543965884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361518562607134,0.11998139408698093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190491714256198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338103284403623,0.0,0.0,0.092008259658652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525995311556487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278002206738489,0.13363204672504134,0.07916905519504934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495760947593843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933718056151257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823664548781145,0.12381882887504138,0.0,0.0,0.07655723741564212,0.1135504658903587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678753301475294,0.0,0.0,0.12300702355021585,0.2465573872395936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453962057753702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189228379480896,0.29645624016394284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315019878417394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924101255943115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077926692784774,0.0,0.0,0.11100638535134663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595710151788227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393280812414376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925466649544686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436859449057305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28373259973989634,0.15152156654909604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342247713373847,0.0,0.08216446678277474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028283582270552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941301636067433
suicidewatch,CroissantCroissalt,2019/01/28,"Content with the decision? Hi everyone,

First time poster and visitor. And suicidal. But not in a sad, angry sort of way. Let me explain. 

I have a myriad of uncomfortable, growing, and lifelong genetic disorders that aren't obviously visible. They may be cancerous, and I'm in the process of finding that out. I also have type 2 bipolar disorder. My teeth, mouth, tonsil, and throat structure are all shades of fucked, meaning I'll need surgery, braces, and apnea machines in my future. My family has a history of cancer, heart problems, liver problems, balding, and Alzheimer's. I'm freshly in my twenties, so thinking about how ugly this can get for me is seriously worrying and a complete drain on any vision I have of the future. 

But that's not really the primary reason I want to leave this world. I just feel complete, finished, done. Not in a depressive way (at least, not all the time), but in a closure / final chapter sort of way. 

I have felt nothing but love from family and friends, have had many successful relationships, have had a super privileged life, and have set myself up for a decent future after Uni. However, I just don't care. I'm content with the time I have spent here and would rather burn out than fade away. My medical issues will surely put myself and my family into debt. My studies feel worthless even though I am excelling - and they have always felt that way. I never thought I'd make it past 18, and have no real vision of myself past 21.

Every day feels like unnecessary time to be spending. I feel like I should close my book and leave while I am content with my life up to now. 

Have any of you felt this way? Any suggestions or comments? ",4.851666666666667,6.580690254777075,5.6717356687898075,77.7019134819533,70.01910828025478,8.800212314225053,30.91772823779193,9.2995712137729,2.945495116772823,1316,56,231,28,24,430,181,314,0.121,0.743,0.136,0.8725,2,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,2,4,11,17,1,0,14,0,29,14,6,3,5,65,51,25,1,7,12,0,7,2,1,4,6,0,0,0,8,22,0,0,14,1,3,2,8,7,0,1,8,7,30,10,35,36,3,42,0,3,0,2,10,16,1,4,20,157,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797901049112768,0.08113644217918567,0.0,0.0,0.19893119334299053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916142057868853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941832455067257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044755428902767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628861241019455,0.0,0.08398554184742454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351067196089985,0.0,0.0,0.09978696701091988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440468208152708,0.0,0.0821566952961314,0.0931753406335827,0.0,0.0,0.2757723059200516,0.0,0.19721669888472296,0.13932286068222138,0.28087575080348226,0.1068178479446487,0.08912271486701621,0.08294227392068956,0.0,0.0,0.0753362727127571,0.09014676907733324,0.05094514558286912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555026214010652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177549598630854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064988123867009,0.0,0.09971096347550068,0.13774892111255554,0.09527728614572926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800691917982166,0.0,0.06508893151900838,0.09886021391215838,0.0,0.10621738293158214,0.0,0.0982314427308642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230270643111833,0.07520601139858844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356383328180808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616937014707086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660851683008184,0.0,0.0980248579544922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098815282708976,0.062467642186113885,0.10025690432982197,0.0,0.10468964894433942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666052207969368,0.0,0.09190237307442578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624807100686914,0.09580344691672314,0.07741234457705239,0.22743633187739595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751414472108416,0.3869959789123717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902651759695064,0.0,0.06926857165416035,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sdvghfcx,2019/01/28,"I am confused and all I can think of is wanting to hurt myself and be gone I am 22 in Canada. I am rapidly getting worse. Before I could at least articulate what was wrong and want to improve. Now I feel really confused, I dont understand whats going on, or myself or living or my family. 

All I can think about is wanting to hurt myself. I am seeing it as the only thing i should do. I dont want to improve, help myself or get help. I have a guaranteed way to die that I can do any time i want and i am alone all day tomorrow. 

This is all getting worse and i really dont want to hurt my family but my draw towards dying just somehow takes place over family. ",1.5611904761904754,3.0826006428571446,4.215714285714288,85.61761904761907,78.28571428571428,7.238095238095237,22.380952380952376,8.07648339933343,1.1633095238095232,510,15,109,9,12,181,75,140,0.15,0.758,0.092,-0.8316,0,1,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,21,0,0,0,4,30,38,11,2,8,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,2,2,23,0,14,33,5,13,0,3,1,0,2,6,0,7,4,84,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234103766824889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103062318876761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139355178411147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513690692774078,0.0,0.0,0.07684619601795152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473316267734428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189521973454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33699091778498025,0.0,0.06024919374876805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867633297264916,0.0,0.06771948280824465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973641139331587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38267904631280497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521752465126152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062401865406852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244933612999968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526696308531076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495244051966377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959098830378873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916239837527353,0.15270156848896713,0.0,0.0,0.06948121382358158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240462981016252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42169015522817377,0.09458102014825596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428616577312109,0.0,0.13027911558139926,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butteredgrapes,2019/01/28,"There is no way to kill myself I just sliced up my leg and am ready to die. I'm too much of a pussy to slit my wrists or neck or something. I have Xanax but no alcohol. I don't have a gun. I don't even have a fucking rope. I'm trapped. I want and need to die right now, I cannot stand another minute but I'm fuckingg trapped.",-1.1052999999999995,0.564324786666667,1.1249166666666677,103.695375,87.8,4.816666666666666,18.708333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.5893666666666668,249,7,69,2,8,83,49,75,0.31,0.619,0.071,-0.9694,0,2,2,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,3,0,8,6,3,0,0,9,14,6,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,6,14,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028165295995036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29711870337916924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.588148143678187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715096175083612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619538515879501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31348639972156755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082959201182819,0.2101015113876845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419805918744088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181377911143469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671280278226079,0.2249111937404641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cinnamonstain,2019/01/28,"I can’t escape I’m so fat and disgusting. I’m practically a whale. Everybody is constantly lying to me and telling me “noooo you’re not fat” yeah tell me one more time how my DD, size 18, 29 BMI ass isn’t fat. My dad has told me that I’m fat and so has my sister. I’m disgusting. I’m hideous. Worse, I can’t stop eating. Once I managed to go a whole week without food and it was the best week of my life. Now I can’t even go until lunch without binging on macaroni or pop tarts. I hate this skin. I hate this fat. I hate this flesh. I want to rip it all off and find the skinny underneath or die. I know I can’t get rid of it so I guess there’s only one option left. Whoops.",-1.7396625670135606,0.17714458278145884,1.124219489120151,99.80951434878588,96.54966887417221,4.730495111952067,15.799747713654998,6.42735559955562,-0.5176530432040365,516,13,132,7,21,178,90,151,0.234,0.72,0.046,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,5,0,4,1,9,13,9,1,1,18,24,12,1,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,7,5,9,1,2,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,2,2,19,1,11,22,4,13,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,4,7,71,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699277965245003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749808247225292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805011197833206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568726103587125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694836128323898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479943383009825,0.0,0.19579747099660288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459788418063882,0.0,0.18404870929773384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837601774813375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4795951835104012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898843556383762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592939695772966,0.0,0.1143707328830018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244230233431612,0.21944591149949744,0.12314944660670395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537455807913126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830550082636506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441838001687423,0.0,0.0,0.15472399941599066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550615467274044,0.0,0.2597691123879842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078081909323154,0.0,0.3121752487912661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650129799791363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohnopotatoz,2019/01/28,"Just a small vent Feeling like shit lately. Just in a slump. Been taking my meds. Talking to friends. Walking and getting fresh air. Doing my college homework in time. Getting decent and good grades. 

Just I feel like it's for nothing. Lately I feel like even though I'm doing okay, I just am wasting everyone's time. I'm just annoying them all with how I am. 

Anyways, my issues aren't a big deal whatever, other people need more attention than me. I just needed to vent a little to people who don't know me or how to contact someone who can help me. The worst I'd do would be to cut the living hell out of my legs and waist. 

I apologize for wasting anyone's time if you read this far... ",1.3995203836930443,3.722007417266187,2.9650071942446066,90.3099088729017,82.74100719424459,5.145515587529976,22.935731414868112,6.42735559955562,0.6261132853717029,537,19,107,5,15,176,90,139,0.15,0.6940000000000001,0.156,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,0,11,11,4,0,6,1,11,3,3,2,1,24,22,8,0,4,8,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,5,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,15,6,13,19,3,14,1,0,0,0,10,8,2,2,8,69,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366793560366666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759547150496212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737142867323247,0.0,0.0,0.15533605814991475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24659044226007906,0.3484054446388429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559588791767534,0.0,0.1698650746625587,0.0,0.0,0.13635025907357784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896265404746906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967369537114996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934045690125574,0.0,0.36675663223539584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382604339376805,0.16293098509570425,0.14354624143993006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057101454328692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241077034636188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598372861921705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225401641862546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260714381712332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686873935010654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773923108402886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222725900958945,0.13066210373014694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597174713827087,0.0,0.2843756435475029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548019895892984,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cantdecide22,2019/01/28,"I need help and have no one to talk to. I'm in the military which means I can't talk to any of my peers without consequences. I'm away from home where I don't have many friends because I'm a bit antisocial. I'm a female but not the normal female so I don't have any female friends back home to talk to. My SO is great but he hates emotions and just tells me to ""stop it"" when I tell him I'm sad or upset. I've been doing nothing but crying and thinking about ending it for the last couple weeks. I know I'm too scared to actually do it but also too scared to tell anyone because of the stigma. So I just sit in my room and cry and drag my nails across my skin for the pain. I need help but I'm alone.",1.524807692307693,2.4650385320512846,3.3979487179487187,93.85538461538464,77.14102564102564,6.2256410256410275,20.69230769230769,6.42735559955562,-0.01639999999999997,545,12,134,4,12,184,84,156,0.239,0.6709999999999999,0.09,-0.9756,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,12,9,1,3,7,0,10,2,1,0,0,22,23,16,0,3,10,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,1,1,15,3,19,22,1,13,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,1,6,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1305332427748127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385379683305529,0.0,0.10697010011178984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819266452449508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353009249514384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567459759957153,0.10285537236009004,0.0,0.16308117951076048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460343842313552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480060455708211,0.293864411977014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504651984562804,0.11847417918563155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066896869651773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747401061869236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206311802582693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931683297408976,0.0,0.26835008302383745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351256229961227,0.10903457308151852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561453155987094,0.0,0.14570695388724406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836691172607449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105918914239825,0.12834905893216714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906411666768171,0.0,0.14233309978154912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678398891601571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183172927492972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225405277905789,0.3507438713360419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570983100464041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729648710498774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894261079970404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thway2020,2019/01/28,I dont think i can live anymore I am almost 30 and i havent had much positive things go on for me since I was 18. Seems like my life has spiraled down hill and I cant seem to ever reach my goals. Never had drug or alcohol problems and I work hard but I guess I am just too dumb to achieve anything. I cant really see myself trying anymore...Whats the point of life if i cant do shit? Fuck. I am honestly so close to caving I dont know how to get rid of this filling of anxiety and panic. ,0.9161060142711506,2.09294193577982,3.4232415902140687,92.09084607543323,79.18348623853211,6.6793068297655465,22.202854230377174,7.3871296695380915,0.6164915392456671,377,11,91,5,9,132,74,109,0.147,0.7190000000000001,0.133,-0.1283,0,0,2,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,3,1,1,0,15,6,1,1,2,19,24,9,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,3,2,17,2,10,21,1,8,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,6,3,59,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916557295832796,0.17957917874696144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719161008349107,0.0,0.17785320199100696,0.0,0.0,0.1475783131445308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203610994967793,0.0,0.20797291698069006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221975124628552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579331587228194,0.0936956998041074,0.0,0.10192082687831876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975589102854448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606499021888588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985584193432428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533407533384619,0.08761454991172034,0.0,0.1583570439383341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183265323160642,0.0,0.1383150403605065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041224937638126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953056183226495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160040837806936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488728479968545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290763677687576,0.3265216630798188,0.0,0.0,0.1840859086530474,0.14834865831134408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914292261984705,0.11491131857933315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217574261668239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055880188251895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yag6543,2019/01/28,"Just a quick question Do you guys feel like your purpose in life was to die prematurely. I never felt like I could get up in the morning and do the same thing for the rest of my life after high school. I always felt like my time on earth was meant to impact someone and leave, almost like a little nudge in the right direction for someone else. To change someone’s life by dying early. Whether to save someone or at my own hand. Does anyone else feel this way?",2.265132850241546,4.504635054347826,2.890144927536234,92.54857487922706,78.8913043478261,4.958454106280193,21.09178743961353,5.82211442006289,0.03437294685990322,363,10,74,2,9,113,64,92,0.051,0.784,0.165,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,0,5,4,1,0,1,16,11,4,2,1,3,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,8,5,15,5,3,15,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,9,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547214823551766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088062110066353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157981189777528,0.1488516310973388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368192034156614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599044231083727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015454854833571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713132433565813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427176106151353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691103289912036,0.10378464645759726,0.2789739874983912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590030662819422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384530830101025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349124648088286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382548228283874,0.0,0.0,0.30783655333183235,0.2838965381461095,0.14560393597758794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204520588033742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274149460719195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406424442316047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702627888533315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923648911244419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651440117670357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471114926841433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531270792247668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taeman098,2019/01/28,"Toxic Relationship  

My girlfriend is emotionally and verbally abusing me. She is manipulating every decisions I make. I cant go out with my friends anymore. She is also talking shit about my family. We are now together for almost 4 years.

Every time I try to break up with her she began entering psycho mode and will try to make scenes in public or she is attempting to suicide. I break up with her multiple times but because of her behavior I just cant. I recently move to another location for my job and guess what she is with me now. Everyday is a pain in the ass I think the only way out is death. I will appreciate some advice. Thank you. I am just 21 btw.

\*\*TL;DR;\*\* :I have and abusive relationship and I think death is the only way to escape.",1.4148630136986284,4.108550417808221,3.9063150684931536,80.05837671232878,89.34246575342466,7.577534246575342,24.423287671232877,8.395991825355821,2.378231232876713,595,25,109,17,20,206,88,146,0.21,0.7240000000000001,0.066,-0.979,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,1,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,4,0,15,3,2,3,0,25,23,8,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,12,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,27,2,19,20,1,21,0,0,0,1,16,6,2,4,8,79,28,1,0.0,0.3645771611000601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034166686585246,0.0,0.0,0.1540598092290151,0.0,0.0,0.12303479392843596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613264565723542,0.0,0.0,0.15257910499809346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378629773059938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306195531389715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592526376505102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503727185194962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886509882816647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874372143524626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948450395217507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267363205363838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539381625968275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351953714898915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340216261537261,0.16370858382405412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190955465750322,0.3303573436796206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792610349777678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828830311802448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365981188142328,0.0,0.14164556606046666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197163345351207,0.0,0.0,0.1794238093567409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890980767773645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442399318315764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907516472503723
suicidewatch,Throwaway149666,2019/01/28,"Justifiable? How bad do things really have to be to justify suicide? 

Does everything in your life have to be crumbling or do you have to just not be able to see the good in anything anymore? 

Tell me your thoughts and your stories. ",3.659318181818183,5.9642781136363645,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,74.68181818181819,8.036363636363637,31.45454545454545,8.841846274778883,2.7751090909090905,183,9,35,4,4,58,32,44,0.163,0.782,0.055,-0.7677,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,6,10,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,7,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,27,6,0,0.31293909022590793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103514882621136,0.0,0.0,0.2575222071173803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26129106886410186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738551067160067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812494758660232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26247846158691995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210381341349488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047679446209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493719385494536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423045726374998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27352255820618515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790282624676645,0.0,0.0,0.24843868200378574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PurpleFrogEater,2019/01/28,"I stood outside today It was a big step for me. I had it set up perfectly, the stool, the noose properly suspended. I think I stood out there for maybe a half hour? It was the furthest I had gotten. Its weird, I felt certain before I went outside, but when I had it around me I just felt fear. I tried pounding my chest and amping myself up, but I was to scared. It was raining, it was a Willow tree. I thought I heard noises in the bushes and it spooked me. I will say one thing, standing there I had never felt so alone and sad for myself. I'm doing it because I feel unwanted and because I'm made to feel undeserving of respect. No one will know. I actually did it twice, went outside, chickened out. Sat down, tried again. There is a certain clarity with your emotions when your a misstep away, not wanting to die, but definitely still in pain. I'll see if it gets worse.",1.2922607655502392,3.5890877954545464,2.9067224880382803,90.7215311004785,82.97727272727272,5.523444976076556,24.035885167464123,6.8360192770164,0.8496522727272731,676,26,141,8,19,222,102,176,0.193,0.691,0.116,-0.9418,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,10,9,0,2,9,0,14,2,1,1,4,29,35,11,1,3,6,0,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,12,8,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,5,0,4,22,8,25,4,17,11,0,22,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,1,7,101,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.1562977590604687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588244905713573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353851421427588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425806456131442,0.0,0.0,0.15048011953189114,0.0,0.0,0.19526997384445735,0.0,0.1362884640715669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662257951129231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016386351387845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022994957929944,0.1619682895625038,0.0,0.461350029632284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367950724490343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773008373634562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802239572063661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155182413748464,0.0,0.0,0.16090708806292428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235289820784148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170636525846972,0.0,0.17042665962389467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127369492425973,0.16035292456097086,0.0,0.1276306239456506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279078311579931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640638873919173,0.10262714869182486,0.0,0.1271529755144847,0.0,0.0,0.15181752060725393,0.0,0.0,0.21748279689140848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944693598341729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969487832331432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632216335834485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway74838204,2019/01/28,"damaged i’m damaged. 

really damaged. 

i just got dumped. again. he told me i felt fake. and he lost feelings for me because he felt like i was trying to be the “perfect girl” and be too sexy etc. he had a problem with me not being able to trust him. 

but i’ve gone through an abusive relationship before that’s really ficked me up. i have mental illnesses that fuck me up. he knows that. 

but i cant be fixed. i dont wanna live. maybe instead of healing, i just need to bleed out. maybe i just need to die. ",-0.5702857142857134,1.6438925428571451,1.6371428571428588,95.79285714285713,95.0,4.323809523809524,19.38095238095238,6.079149491110277,-0.03993333333333293,387,13,86,4,15,129,69,105,0.284,0.645,0.07200000000000001,-0.9776,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,2,0,3,0,9,4,0,0,1,19,21,4,1,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,8,3,14,3,12,9,1,5,0,4,0,1,9,3,1,0,2,53,17,0,0.19076355021847807,0.22602361312232155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162876896099258,0.0,0.16232573083655125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798244744634502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357346012326887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275178456076527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645578279381556,0.0,0.3663258478585043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763578282540873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257103769167585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483865830224252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931974347976328,0.0,0.16844770979317106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082409496752478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832952531166522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922447905543716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28289751066166696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253495437888345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441603009966356,0.0,0.0,0.20480866166892772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228274722610344,0.0,0.12951592855003854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skuyep,2019/01/28,"I value nothing of my own life but only care to live due to the fact there is still a few people who care about me I constantly have suicidal thoughts but could never bring myself to induce pain on the few that care about me, recently hit 18 and have been depressed for years, lost all friends and self worth and gave up holding a fake personality to get friends in school, live rural and have no way out of my parents house since I've committed myself to a college course that hasn't begun yet that I have no interest in.

 Fucked up my last friendship by asking her out and am beginning to drink. Brexit is around the corner and that isn't going to help me get out of my parents house since theres a pretty good chance of recession. Barely eat let alone eat healthy and don't even know how to begin to fix myself, just looking for some people's stories or advice because I'm too scared to bring this up without the cover of anonymity. 

I like to think loneliness has been one of my biggest issues but I think I'm making excuses.",10.268451219512194,6.621338839024393,9.4847256097561,72.70269817073172,60.609756097560975,12.201219512195125,38.795731707317074,9.516144504307137,3.5094512195121936,822,27,160,10,8,262,126,205,0.191,0.607,0.202,0.252,2,1,1,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,11,14,1,1,8,0,15,6,0,3,4,31,38,12,1,1,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,6,11,3,1,5,1,1,3,7,6,0,1,5,1,17,8,33,30,5,27,0,2,1,1,12,12,1,2,12,107,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917539660764853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263111249861419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085679760035587,0.11401374117643365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434412203491311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730312072215709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317926639465308,0.0,0.09737309021154557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504176235818694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947185923402664,0.0,0.24958581088582804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055173737227969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844802762888085,0.1127476859288724,0.12743545514871446,0.0,0.06931122233745513,0.10229211248518334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174549971696912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28144501750164264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729187938921732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702461828025863,0.0994115891424762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470974288559147,0.08614214493542265,0.059582243736869885,0.0,0.21538130365084185,0.0,0.1024135318762666,0.0,0.13313094986454518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140753665897367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406109436775488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117021450653534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264151604770012,0.09275412695976906,0.12977131231833838,0.0,0.2708386036831177,0.0,0.0,0.1690998628121899,0.10648853045476743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240745585994888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041825664307035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210067075352775,0.12342743791771699,0.0,0.0,0.12722820541743948,0.0,0.0,0.2017689054261005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973953672611793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340164231659246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629080326538414,0.0,0.09682058273107604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680413737006532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756261785144848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853659132707312
suicidewatch,otitow,2019/01/28,"Does anyone feels like you are living in autopilot mode? Since the past 3 years i've felt this way, like, i just keep on doing things in autopilot, like going to work, college and to the gym, then sleep, then rinse and repeat, and so on. Nothing really drives me to do anything more that that, and it's just i feel ""obligated"" to, don't know really why though. I've been in a downfall since then, and i don't really see a way up honestly. ",2.072837078651688,3.9359516067415763,3.7307724719101145,88.1296418539326,77.87640449438202,7.596067415730338,20.11376404494382,8.472884824447931,0.9907179775280897,339,8,73,7,8,113,58,89,0.0,0.8759999999999999,0.124,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,6,1,1,0,0,12,13,10,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,5,4,10,11,1,16,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,9,43,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418018250425564,0.0,0.16688635499209245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747083277743606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508260642328047,0.1448796961141655,0.19471891032088814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525538497546553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025713145174144,0.0,0.0,0.11145306520658986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29723214544511084,0.0,0.1790752942426528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945911771660109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359465948803234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897548315865504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160460228915785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335514972708781,0.0,0.2029455290419761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347306908140254,0.0,0.1992490565872456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219449244592382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299461727854255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764013826997588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059595203778615
suicidewatch,throwaway_truce,2019/01/28,"It's Night Again, and i feel like nothing will last forever my last post here, 2 months ago, was right before i met my boyfriend,

i love him so much and all that

but i dont feel like it or anything will last

it never has

and his friends don't like me

i know that..


i hate looking at my arms cause

1. i have scars from a 4 month old attempt there

2. they're fat

but i just get stuck in my mind all the time

i can't ever focus

i hate it

i wish i was thin

i wish i was happy

i wish my despair would go away.  
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suicidewatch,COMWS18,2019/01/28,"I can't keep going I can't keep living. I can't do this. It hurts in the pit of my stomach. I need someone to talk to, please. I have psychosis and I'm hallucinating. Everyone thinks I am crazy. Don't tell me to go to a hospital please. It doesn't help. I feel nothing anymore. I am so numb. I feel nothing. I can't do anything. I can't function. I'm starting to fail in school. I don't know what to do. I am all alone. I have no one.  I have absolutely no one. My best friend who is like a brother to me called me today and I felt nothing. It's all numb. I want it to end. Death has got to be better than this. It has to be. I'm ready to just end it all. ",-2.8659060402684564,-1.3103037114093932,0.5934604026845633,101.42318389261749,106.24832214765101,3.4578255033557053,16.027114093959728,5.414198509911553,-0.9063403489932892,493,15,130,4,25,175,74,149,0.187,0.6709999999999999,0.142,-0.7643,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,3,0,22,3,1,0,3,15,38,3,1,2,1,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,5,0,0,2,10,4,0,2,2,3,22,4,15,34,4,8,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,84,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162651872173187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476520364297494,0.0,0.0,0.12842044692709512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377070511111885,0.13801848027551702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935019695748195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764378512394469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491177959123109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157812782088141,0.0,0.1498378311980645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056815529500844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773799667444952,0.0,0.12481190461989475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046007668910526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706072780903444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27741874263987154,0.0,0.0,0.08576406648646097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624087453798346,0.0,0.1377999376961178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571323644420645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492186183989592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149460179602345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426043321506567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793658007219866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132225387939768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045694392828496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543156527572755,0.13639945681837867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999411549370094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792244433444302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204562533682438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sypher87,2019/01/28,"When you want to leave a note but who would read it? I don't know what to say...I scoured the internet to find someone to listen to me.  I'm alone.  I'm tired.  I'm done.  

​

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suicidewatch,Mightaswelldie,2019/01/28,"No hope Im so fucking depressed. 23 years old, no friends, disowned by family, no education, working a shitty job, and am a super ugly non-passing trans person. I’m coming up on the anniversary of my suicide attempt and nothing has gotten better. Everything is worse... I wish I would have died then... this time I think I’ll shoot myself... ",3.3320833333333333,5.679773875000002,4.979375000000001,78.36145833333336,75.875,6.7666666666666675,29.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.301591666666667,264,12,44,4,6,89,55,64,0.361,0.489,0.15,-0.9492,1,0,0,1,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,1,6,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,12,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,4,10,0,7,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,4,25,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747793709372786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020806030075757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205411300368226,0.0,0.2434699011115193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083654613387912,0.0,0.22115286130591236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124552661258367,0.21687691792425934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330032118848872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534000766453252,0.0,0.23279678487812314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509776000879447,0.0,0.24616528868762494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483705797636634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566060384592619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031735433349253,0.0,0.0,0.13679273030643532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697697127332215,0.0,0.0,0.1707860803144631,0.0,0.2390697241714281,0.16664772884408754,0.0,0.0,0.1510698311097752
suicidewatch,blerp804,2019/01/28,Talk me out of it Reasons not to kill myself...????,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.5219999999999998,35,1,8,0,1,12,10,10,0.0,0.657,0.343,0.6906,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6466495254395628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6009511521002371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697894252089822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TakenByMars,2019/01/28,"How do you fight through impulsiveness?...feels like I’m losing the battle and I don’t want to do something stupid. I’m hoping writing this distracts me from my pain and constant ruminating, even if just for a few minutes. I just need to get through the night.

My dad who’s been my biggest supporter since I was child has a brain tumor, seizures, early signs of dementia and just recently suffered a heart attack last week...my family isn’t stepping up, so i’ve been dealing with it on my own. I can’t even begin to describe how hard its all been, watching someone who’s been my rock, who’s the reason I’m still alive, getting weaker is torture to watch. It’s like death is just watching and teasing us, it’s terrifying. 

A week ago, my boyfriend broke up with me, someone who I’ve known for almost 9 years, first guy I ever fell in love with. We had a falling out as friends 4 years ago...we reconnected by pure luck last summer and decided restart, try to things again and become serious. It’s been a rollercoaster since then because of our personal struggles we’ve been dealing with, he broke things off because he’s on the edge mentally. We’ve talked everyday since then and he’s told me he still loves me but he doesn’t love himself at the moment...he’s gradually becoming really cold and pushing everybody away, he’s done a huge 180 and I
feel I should understand the most but it’s difficult seeing it from a different perspective.

I have no idea how the future will pan out for us, but it’s heartbreaking to have had my close friend, my biggest love dropped back into my life only to ripped away again.

Overall, everything lately has just hit its peak. I’ve been crying everyday, I can’t do anything that can distract me, I feel exhausted. I’m having this battle with myself, it feels like I *need* to die but part of me won’t allow that and its...the worst feeling a person can have, its like two sides of me are screaming at each other. I cant even begin to describe it. It makes me physically sick and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I’m feeling incredibly impulsive but I’m fighting it as much as I can.

I’m not sure how things will go from here. I’m supposed to start an intensive outpatient program soon, as a way to prevent ending up in a hospital but I’m also trying to advocate to my therapist and psychiatrist that I want to start Electroconvulsive Therapy. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve been battling my depression since I was in middle school, I’m just exhausted.

If that doesn’t work then I don’t know...what I do know is that I can’t take this anymore. The inside of me feels black and dead, I’m existing but I’m not living. After everything I’ve been through, there’s still some little hope left in me...and I honestly wish it would go away. All it’s done is get me hurt and I’m just so, so tired. It’s like I’m in some nightmare and every night I wish that I’d just wake up...I do then remember this is my reality and I just start crying. This is how it’s been everyday for the last month. I’ve lost all my friends, my boyfriend, I can’t talk to my dad...I’m just dealing with this alone.

How do you fight through this when you feel so weak mentally? Every night so far, I’ve been feeling ridiculously impulsive and stupid. I’m slowly inching back into self-harm, which is something I haven’t done in years, I’m so disappointed with myself. Each day is getting more and harder to cope.",3.1052239452040844,4.835657531204646,4.332338247651062,85.53142209660585,74.55878084179972,7.737845339036998,27.036921039900182,8.479577106124081,1.8693903241412682,2705,103,552,50,57,888,287,689,0.206,0.687,0.107,-0.9974,2,1,2,0,4,0,93.0,4,3,0,4,39,51,12,3,21,0,59,14,3,9,6,104,118,50,3,14,21,1,9,5,3,6,7,1,0,4,42,34,0,1,15,1,0,6,16,33,0,2,20,16,60,18,67,91,15,85,0,9,5,4,41,32,0,9,50,339,102,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214553895453004,0.0,0.06334190724049513,0.06551430504562034,0.0,0.05058592856481785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273311361342901,0.0,0.0,0.05205443018024595,0.0,0.0,0.07196301433507543,0.17829373469615367,0.09728016545329557,0.0,0.07712073643360387,0.13972291860830144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061479500035135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835743715777412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896784369161322,0.04079499036348032,0.195642971205242,0.0544824382050183,0.0,0.06564990756633858,0.06608922416100127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419904227260848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602618263231154,0.0,0.0,0.12534029195150992,0.0572188185051062,0.10659208659346783,0.0,0.11370111625383465,0.0,0.05963227830825087,0.0,0.28785793769581736,0.09038042716275303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380565766518591,0.0,0.0,0.14661465767973947,0.0,0.13219493188990808,0.0,0.0718998673125435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263354384945022,0.0,0.0,0.056665094882629816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495885456164468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256552802056329,0.0,0.0,0.06771702793195665,0.07140850545013691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952786285548304,0.1546866400769834,0.07135570410050987,0.0,0.06872800328729227,0.0,0.044679696750404965,0.15451882373417475,0.06339929064367507,0.05585634848099389,0.0,0.0,0.07076746311392643,0.06905157135918095,0.0,0.2283646175452143,0.0,0.0422239782146954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749466321679834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050490463679167236,0.0,0.0465005561921586,0.0938072827426732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808486414929994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04810916036532182,0.06730901448567468,0.0,0.0,0.06850025737327348,0.0,0.0,0.11046567859860146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040523516076148416,0.06503786812138619,0.062457827049212475,0.0,0.07165689860626825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401861134264979,0.0504069699830521,0.0,0.06598997088371647,0.0,0.0,0.2093045979957308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071934787530221,0.09739536528210432,0.0,0.0,0.13431910758500373,0.0,0.1515493540607572,0.0,0.0,0.06612907316537223,0.0,0.0,0.07178234112695524,0.05961818250834425,0.0,0.04756076024444919,0.10168581115047852,0.0,0.0,0.07233893217030732,0.07344527761523692,0.12607374650457134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270365094617466,0.0,0.06044397198178428,0.0,0.08589356124595697,0.06880453797906375,0.061792077166168566,0.06585189375540547,0.15217874471102766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746202445505098,0.05020979574076636,0.10148055253340066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822438779019698,0.0,0.0,0.04605123809996611,0.0,0.0,0.04493536139296103,0.0,0.0,0.16293957328017142
suicidewatch,Slothmanking,2019/01/28,"I am an abject failure to those around me. I have very little stopping me. And I feel like my death would be liberating for my family. They wouldn't have to care about me any more, or worry how I might disappoint them next.",2.5116666666666667,4.435302777777778,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,76.7777777777778,7.166666666666668,20.13888888888889,8.07648339933343,0.7602222222222221,175,4,37,3,4,57,36,45,0.328,0.625,0.047,-0.9299,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,9,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,2,5,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122987455463949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27651454352927823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166942278438448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29282159628279675,0.0,0.15705703765751822,0.2219044928797947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175153425362498,0.311319339393901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295150249566316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303441764044772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259689306249409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562911466054763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31544613800493826,0.0,0.22065305277478595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swthrowaway1865,2019/01/28,"i'm dying at the end of february I'm buying pills from someone i know. it's been really easy. just had to ask him up front and he said yeah. i'm gonna get a hotel room at the end of february and wash the meds down with booze. i should have enough stock piled by then to make it a relatively sure thing. maybe i'll get lucky and they'll be laced with fentanyl and fucking kill me instantly.

i just wanted someone to know. i'm going to write my notes soon",0.18240259740259648,2.2976319897959168,2.0927087198515757,95.92696660482378,86.24489795918367,5.604452690166976,17.072356215213357,6.980632752743323,-0.14223673469387774,357,8,84,5,11,118,68,98,0.052000000000000005,0.838,0.11,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,5,1,6,4,0,1,1,16,21,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,7,2,14,14,1,11,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,4,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218797624998495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355608744032433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020592582558349,0.2345225231028013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983175411369906,0.2371667752631435,0.0,0.12899329368061524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25111064695408586,0.0,0.2494755099704674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515054262488715,0.0,0.2280236610451042,0.0,0.25211448151010085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540393482116507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590213969827596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846249068952899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391821744465803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507899658802519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387383704036396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoyerD3str0yer,2019/01/28,"Please help Hello. I am 12 years old and struggling. I want everything to end as I have constantly been feeling sadness, betrayal and been rejected by multiple girls.  My parents say it's just hormones, but I genuinely want to die. Everything is just a cycle of sadness, betrayal and fatigue, and I can't do this anymore. I plan to inhale gas till I die or overdose on all the pills in my house, but I just can't do this anymore. Please help, I am alone and my parents don't care.",3.997398496240603,5.290911957894738,5.229172932330831,81.7442105263158,71.52631578947368,8.796992481203008,33.57142857142857,9.23628265651192,3.1048796992481202,376,19,73,8,7,125,59,95,0.32299999999999995,0.555,0.122,-0.9793,2,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,0,11,2,0,0,1,15,15,10,2,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,3,12,1,9,13,1,7,0,4,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946088927533535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436849508893394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666565311851928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724897489753786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596646803929212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347042986864634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114572217518399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761316656616358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322854788138966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199936360033602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182321403069898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848032916530122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38040835503729903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377954238512609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114490062815328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440444931305446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158357208643714
suicidewatch,runninwitdadevil,2019/01/28,"I made a pros/cons list of whether to kill myself or not. It’s scary, the only con I have is making people upset. I’m bipolar so I know this feeling well. I haven’t been manic in a long time and I’ve just been super depressed. It comes and goes, meaning I am never happy or content just sorta whatevs when I’m not grieving in my wallows. I’m already in debt because of medical bills between my vagina/back. Those health conditions I suffer with don’t help any. If anything it makes me wanna do it more. Im a chronic pain patient whose also an addict so I literally just deal with the pain. I turn 26 this year and I have nothing to look forward too. I’m not close with anyone. I feel like everyone hates me or never cared. No one talks to me, even when I message first. I understand we’re all busy but fuck, so busy all of my friends aren’t my friends anymore. I try so hard to have a social life, but get nothing in return. I got back with my ex because I was to depressed being alone and I don’t love him the way he loves me which kills me even more inside because he really is perfect but I don’t know how to love anything for long. I’ve been trying really hard not to hurt myself but the urge keeps growing. I can’t tell my family or coworkers because I don’t wanna end up in the hospital back on antipsychotics that give me bad side effects. My boyfriend just shuts down when I try to talk because his mom tried killing herself when he was young and he can’t handle it.  I just wanna die and I know that’s not an option. I’ve tried but I can’t, even tho it’s all I want. It’s the only thing I hear in even the happiest of moments. It’s all I hear, my mind is constantly telling me to do it. Everyone says you gotta change HOW, tell me how you mass majority. How can I change what my body wants? What my mind has always wanted. My first real memory is wanting to jump out the window and die. I was prob like 3-4. I just don’t know how to feel okay anymore. I really just wanna feel content. I tried the suicide hotline but I couldn’t wait to express this anymore. So I’m sorry my friends for dumping this on you, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I am not okay, and I’m okay with that. But one of these days I know I’m gonna do it. And that scares me. I don’t want to hurt my parents, but I feel a need to be on a different plane of existence. 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suicidewatch,cinematicstarlet,2019/01/28,"Sorry I don’t want to live in this world.

I’m just tired.

It’s full of lies, and you never know who you can trust. I’m just tired of coincidences and surprisingly timed *fake* information.

I don’t like it here. I just want to live in a way that I never have to worry about betrayal. Deceit doesn’t exist, and you never have to worry. Everyone is a friend. 

You know. I just don’t like it. I don’t. Being here has become tiring. I don’t want to feel it anymore. 

My strength is resisting this feeling I get. It’s pushing through and finding the will to stay. I don’t want to fight that anymore. I’m just too exhausted.

I’m so sorry. 


What happens now...?
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suicidewatch,maddy2113,2019/01/28,"Things Aren't Going to get Better I'm about to graduate in May. I know that everyone always says that it gets better after high school, but I just don't believe it. I've been this miserable for six years, and nothing going to get better. I feel so alone I have no friends. I wish I killed myself years ago. ",1.1623809523809534,3.497814761904764,2.7168253968254,91.61428571428574,83.92063492063492,5.504761904761906,18.52380952380953,6.868970318607317,0.1912285714285713,242,6,50,3,7,79,46,63,0.228,0.5720000000000001,0.201,-0.6199,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,14,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,2,7,4,7,12,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,31,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772297127258165,0.0,0.0,0.20707166011078826,0.0,0.0,0.1663613719514412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252575146962261,0.0,0.5304769798171116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910458122579865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109280034037987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446876088704511,0.0,0.3133722931077531,0.0,0.22725456487382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124158789548386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119770408386868,0.0,0.1098786744010692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918423738056212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899579728914154,0.0,0.20234420741361475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328274792653267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22991460274673434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575022959747024
suicidewatch,dafter312,2019/01/28,"I want to want to die. Does anyone else just want to want to die here? Like, I would love to yeet myself from a 16 floor building like my best friend did 22.05.18, but I just can't bring myself to it. It's been for 8 or so years like this and I'm only gonna turn 21 this year. I just wait for something terrible to happen to me so life finally breaks me and I can peacefully exit this miserable existence.",1.3062790697674416,3.120295151162793,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,80.04651162790697,6.625581395348838,20.05232558139535,7.6454224807358475,0.47821395348837203,317,8,73,5,8,104,58,86,0.138,0.621,0.241,0.5994,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,13,16,6,2,5,5,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,10,6,11,12,1,7,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,6,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115893138876442,0.20684953819682256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186021693809112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190383669815509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666622485302078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864452642492586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211492671134989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597170152802695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785214902905558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259355311811892,0.29588456998229656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220424818537564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353855583091985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554168022938345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958706649002346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762953457110787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340949710252865,0.0,0.0,0.2600077259629025
suicidewatch,Zombotrone,2019/01/28,"I just don't feel anything anymore, if it didn't hurt my family and friends, I would probably do it right now I am 16 Male, and I just have no feelings, I don't care about my future, its too much work for nothing, it would probably be way easier just to kill myself. I used to be so happy, really, and a great student, I don't know what has changed, nothing matters anymore. I don't care about being selfish, just I can't stand the thought of my family, friends, and my girl friend finding out. I have been brainstorming, and I came up with a  solution, I think I will tell everyone I ran away, and kill myself somewhere they will never find me. I guess its better that they think I ran away, than that I killed myself. It's not like I am sad, and I don't think I am depressive, doesn't feel like it, I just don't really care anymore about anything, life is pointless, and just a lot of hard work. Not really looking for advice, just want to vent, even if no one reads this, at least it'll be out there, I like the thought of that",5.913297598627789,4.768918485849057,6.398061749571184,83.51846483704975,66.97169811320755,9.973241852487137,31.53687821612349,9.095868883498916,2.31862641509434,797,26,176,12,11,260,108,212,0.17,0.6709999999999999,0.158,-0.1912,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,2,3,15,19,3,0,5,0,27,1,0,1,1,42,46,11,3,5,11,0,4,3,3,5,1,0,0,2,13,12,0,0,11,1,0,3,14,7,0,1,7,5,32,12,19,30,3,15,0,3,1,0,8,7,0,4,6,126,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032125637390253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054428189253574,0.0,0.0,0.1689660741723911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291084541590234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079722635069487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741931064688176,0.31401581568338416,0.0,0.10860401561128114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842363332924627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780805205030971,0.0,0.0,0.09809905341182468,0.0,0.0,0.1935633897981703,0.0,0.15572874227805447,0.07334258538051086,0.0,0.0,0.1876645452862472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23795191915937655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318650152344985,0.11309505027346327,0.0,0.0,0.10928684784552438,0.09196603047781908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099030411500588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407447428085036,0.0,0.056420990449846276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251402934378635,0.15046810967882068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621120197603259,0.0,0.0,0.08728055136528358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546923863555573,0.0,0.07918016160620657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701615075650145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695672173497698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137651085125812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269094681844797,0.0,0.19730595645767834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767378171868441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973213101700171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973472317640706,0.0,0.16300617038284795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866801193955479,0.0,0.0,0.06055339445569467,0.08148924156828463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948001323972138,0.0,0.0,0.14585793331702895,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hornswoopmebungopony,2019/01/28,"I know it’s cliche, but I feel like everyone would be better without me. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m not a very good person and I really don’t know why anyone would want to have a kid with me.   I lie, I cheat, I steal, and I’m suffocating in guilt and disgust.  I hid something auto-erotic from my wife because she said it was gross,  and she found out.  I feel like she will hold it against me forever.  I think she’s better off without me around to hurt her, or be a bad influence for her kids,  my two year old will forget me eventually. I don’t want to feel anything anymore.  ",2.7342044444444435,3.5656470960000037,4.364266666666668,88.51057777777778,74.03999999999998,7.475555555555558,24.288888888888888,7.793537801064563,1.0042622222222222,457,13,104,6,9,154,78,125,0.261,0.618,0.12,-0.9722,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,1,12,2,1,4,0,10,0,0,1,1,29,24,6,0,4,5,1,3,2,0,4,0,1,0,3,4,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,4,23,5,15,15,1,8,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,1,5,64,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738951543588467,0.122605322806903,0.0,0.14429402033247646,0.1560942530948254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640577690523626,0.10688870354044297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101568617097077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104421828939069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754969158081384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659791489467212,0.25053305068411325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225677625196771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470710930020762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771048249754294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273008698402588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132945047286666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839951140605544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531045178916998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233051696825948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679327830219434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498917161942248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235401588632717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128661687636118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467801437707128,0.20684608489810488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822161750476793,0.0,0.0,0.33805270579591024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24912015857369474,0.0,0.0,0.11291645119561948
suicidewatch,rts7727,2019/01/28,"A Letter From the Grave - a poem that was meant as a suicide note x Letter from the grave.
To everyone who matters,
I’m sorry I wasn’t enough. I’m sorry if I loved you too hard but hated myself. I wish I was a better person, but I’m not. I am rootless yet grounded by the weight of who I am, or who I’ve become. I don’t understand why. I cried, I prayed, I went to  doctors, I went to the gym, I let you in, I inhaled exhaled, and I numbed the pain. Nothing works I’m still the same.
I hope your lives prosper in my many ways, but I’ll see you all in our graves.
Maybe I acted strong because I was weak, and my silences was your queue to speak.
Oh well now my memories are yours to keep.
Mama I’m sorry I couldn’t accept your love in the ways you showed it, because I know you did. 
Maybe you’ve always been right and I’m an ungrateful bitch. 
Maybe I ruined your life even before I was born, 20 with a naughty sick baby must have been a storm. 
I loved you so much I slept to the smell of your scarfs from your closet many nights when I needed a hug. I don’t know why I never came to you, I felt angry and not enough.
The more it went on the deeper it set, I am so wrong I am choosing to reset.
I have so much love for all of you my heart sometimes feels like its going to burst. Its not a cute look being 22 and acting like you need something to nurse.
Sister I am sorry you always lived in my shadow, but trust me it saved you from being burnt. 
You are beautiful and smart and a sister I never deserved. 
You should have been the first born, take care of our family. Be a real one for once. Maybe our parents don’t know how, but you do know how to love. Have family close because friendships get tainted like the blood on my latex gloves.
Daddy I’m sorry I failed you as a daughter, I am sorry your life has been so hard, and you do it all for our futures. 
I know it is selfish of me to put you through more loss, but you should know yourself that this world can be harsh. I just hope you forgive me because its all too much. 
For those who stayed thanks for every moment that we shared, I wouldn’t have made it this far without you there.
For those who didn’t, thanks for trying to tell me that you were there. I understand, I would leave me too. 
Im sorry for everything I put you through.
The reality is none of you need me.
 I mean really need me. 
Think of  moments when I was the one to save the day, scarce aren’t they? 
I am the storm that needs to blow away. 
It hurts too much to love in this broken way.
I promise you’ll forget about me one day.
We might see each other in heaven or hell, or in a dream. If that day comes then maybe we might say what we actually mean.
I hope I see Kumari and Nana when I go to sleep. I hope they’ve seen every secret I have been trying to keep. I hope their love heals me and I am free, to forget what it feels like to weep.
I made my bed and now I lay in it deep. 
I’m going to sleep.



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suicidewatch,pretty_weird87,2019/01/28,"31 and ready to stop existing I've made so many mistakes, medicated or not that desire is still there. Husband decides he's ready to divorce mostly all of my fault. I don't see a way to ever feel happy again. The years of depression (18 years) have won.
",1.198235294117648,3.661287549019608,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,85.27450980392156,5.752941176470588,22.225490196078432,7.1686216300943375,0.8999254901960785,199,7,40,3,6,66,45,51,0.21600000000000005,0.5870000000000001,0.197,-0.0609,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,12,7,3,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,2,2,5,5,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,6,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27037922820801585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839590241568917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872761448350184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341741620561344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29703912513916,0.0,0.3182660699696184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162418326666477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25015395950225483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25069728115677864,0.2624515571071009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24917544566902464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40430896192874777
suicidewatch,cyantaco,2019/01/28,"Constantly considering suicide In not particularly religious, I have my own views on things and I never actually believed in a hell, however it's the one thing stopping me from hurting myself as I believe anythings a possibility. Anyways, this is not about religion at all, ice just been going through a hard time. About 4 years ago, a few years after a harsh breakup, I was still not looking for anything serious, but then I met the love of my life and everything changed. We fell hard, and I mean hard. I've been in love but this is an entirely different story, there isn't even a word for this love. She moved in and we got addicted to heroin for 6 months or so, we also had a prior opiate problem before that. Instead of destroying eachother because of addiction, we were eachothers rocks and made eachother stronger. We've been clean since summer of 2015. 

The past few years she's been distant. We've had a lot of things happen these past few years. A few months ago she was secretly talking to someone on prison, a few lies later and a whole lot of sketchy things, everything in me but my heart is screaming that she is cheating on me. She's so distant and it's a sexless relationship. She doesn't show that same commission as me or how she used to. I get if she's been numb, but I have this gut feeling I just can't get rid of. My life is colorless without her. You can say anything on the subject, but I could move on having known such beauty in life and being hallowed out to the core. I want nothing more than to die, but I couldn't do that to her and I believe in reincarnation, it just feels wrong. I can't break up with her either, so every day in getting torn apart. She isn't making an effort to stop doing these shady things although she admits that it looks bad. 

I know some of you are going to say that even if shes not cheating on me, it's not worth the pain to put up with it. But that's just not an option. How do you cope when you feel daggers in your heart and fall to the ground balling your eyes out? Because I came dangerously close tonight, it's like I just need out. I need out of my skin. I need out of my life. And I need to get the fuck away from all this pain I'm drowning in. Truth be told, this is honestly probably just a way for me to vent. I only have one friend that I talk to, my family doesn't talk to me, so I truly feel alone. Sometimes I just picture myself in a blank black space, flowing in emptiness while there's a world filled with 7 billion people out there, completely on an entire wavelength than you. ",4.29468593663146,5.131932003891055,4.944821567537524,85.76752140077822,70.40077821011673,7.897632017787662,28.88804891606448,8.052868069273773,1.7420273040578098,2006,73,418,26,35,645,245,514,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.112,-0.9673,3,1,0,0,0,2,54.0,4,7,0,1,26,22,6,0,27,0,36,18,5,5,4,86,69,35,3,10,26,0,8,1,1,0,9,3,1,0,28,26,0,2,9,3,1,10,15,15,0,3,15,16,65,7,71,50,15,71,1,1,5,4,39,34,2,8,26,300,93,0,0.0,0.0,0.07475756250411351,0.16702628007260914,0.0,0.0,0.1358152957841384,0.0,0.0,0.07934194084591159,0.0,0.061262738710735926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891235593777305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197497270053367,0.0,0.06396380015836378,0.09339805869645244,0.0,0.06518707262768889,0.25893019445388465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761821203058325,0.0,0.0,0.08104024469892172,0.0,0.08032117667258785,0.08278515251857664,0.0,0.06116460418190155,0.0,0.0,0.049405297209134745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950616402083334,0.08003820402708972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011966472838876,0.0,0.06454485797607175,0.0,0.1376991976583432,0.0,0.07221843679400322,0.0,0.1549395794723933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059186521623886275,0.07082210872924673,0.16009637069087046,0.0,0.08707525807025375,0.0,0.061269764587744864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677434812975464,0.0,0.205874973553099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155976775960286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200957669774475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210130579864228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643968315716003,0.037426401344743586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866148391662455,0.0,0.0,0.1302573795321922,0.20742292806076487,0.07248757137450193,0.051135891305823744,0.0,0.0,0.08344768337136149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229424946889332,0.16284262944815167,0.0,0.2272130299818372,0.05908418427946794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350666076700782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038220232523852,0.05826321676149737,0.16303089354302835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462604540302541,0.053109776806154405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636309141283409,0.0,0.0,0.08259550307141644,0.07330273066917156,0.0,0.0770113806548793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822474479812162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184221767975666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633702556311583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490901982679521,0.0,0.07576646547800489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117859744143789,0.12809407494206265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379582728434876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472186206245544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544720508094299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467026602856946,0.0,0.0,0.07320144884588474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616401192997902,0.0,0.0,0.04518490293769662,0.06080721822165621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552918701119529,0.0,0.0738465932615477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375793154339954,0.0,0.19733006365023906
suicidewatch,DiscoYes,2019/01/28,"260mg Prozac overdose After a miserable stint in a mental health ward I’ve taken about 260mg of fluoxetine in an attempt of ending everything about an hour or so. Is it normal to not feel anything from this, not even a bit of drowsiness? I’m so tired and I just want everything to fucking end.

As much as I appreciate it may help I have no intention of telling the emergency services or anyone else about this.",4.450740740740741,5.8899033950617286,5.554012345679013,79.28805555555559,70.60493827160494,8.85679012345679,30.78395061728395,9.2995712137729,2.793187654320987,329,14,62,7,6,109,58,81,0.142,0.7759999999999999,0.081,-0.722,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,1,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,11,8,7,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,15,6,2,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,3,4,42,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158266406704907,0.23191825566332,0.1862634964306791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24711124121747585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908306364416272,0.0,0.4009507983325629,0.0,0.0,0.14949941783174747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068504330597265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144473535039071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925325707554127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405952450492018,0.0,0.0,0.15171497247255833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22290524522219146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281035606842997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663903754652877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221771051197272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978364064770767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26015146418122137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350475268255654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xx_Stone,2019/01/28,"Really glad I have bipolar! I must say it is simply amazing to have a mental illness that can’t be cured, gets worse over time and is extremely treatment resistant!

Even better, when I feel better it’s just a lie! Surprise! Depression! Good thing every thing you’ve done to improve yourself goes out the window, just a nice “testing” for ya.

Oh and can’t forget the meds, they say they’ll help, but really they just give you a crap ton of side effects! Really you only take them to hope you don’t go into a destructive mania that hurts not only your finances, makes you lose your job and ruin your relationships, hurts those around you and just in general fucks everything up. At least you hope it doesn’t happen again, maybe it will though? Keeps life exciting! 

Glad I’m completely at the mercy of this disease until I’m dead! Hope that’s not too soon!!! 🤞",3.3405622489959867,5.540941650602415,4.15130120481928,85.01076706827313,75.26506024096386,7.318232931726907,23.114859437751,8.238735603445708,1.4153466666666672,678,20,128,12,15,217,112,166,0.218,0.5820000000000001,0.2,-0.8682,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,10,4,4,11,20,3,0,8,0,13,5,1,2,1,24,27,8,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,11,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,8,0,0,1,3,17,12,15,22,2,15,0,5,0,1,19,9,2,3,5,82,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279839213855034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25430206826458496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507379194179077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382709110653645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712448813813347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495734932906584,0.0,0.12113066570348005,0.0,0.12920932822699605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269337556008705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291111710367748,0.07511279971243226,0.13791528053573568,0.08170661697220215,0.12058570275116533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713348892463486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636460026713893,0.0,0.0,0.4283819247816017,0.0,0.0,0.30781304447648306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266746794650395,0.12778752506158847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154752728403443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608395180371991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596619698987537,0.0,0.14443419035210978,0.0,0.15969373900084213,0.0,0.1448842397465384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868394953979747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763042155842559,0.0,0.0,0.15435293280946505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866002654787285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080955769586518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910260236618901,0.0,0.14125124263922448,0.0,0.08383222507357793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465117837776976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KarrTheBro,2019/01/28,"I had enough, i think it's the end I think my time has come, i'm done. I don't want to live anymore, even through i'm scared of dying and death in general and i was too weak to kill myself in this past six years. I feel like i'm ready now. I found some narcotic medicine in the drawer, i just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I'm 20 years old, and i don't think i have a future. My parents kicked me out when i was 18, i live with my girlfriend right now. Unfortunately i had to quit school and start working to survive on my own somehow. But i hate it more than anything. We barely have any money to live, but we make it through somehow. I can't get a better job because i'm uneducated. I just want to be happy and stop being nervous all the time. I feel dumb and empty nothing can cheer me up anymore. I don't know what to do.",1.2769413919413921,2.534003653846156,3.2760659340659366,93.18560073260073,78.39560439560441,5.732454212454213,22.572893772893767,6.079149491110277,0.14808893772893805,643,19,155,4,15,218,105,182,0.2,0.752,0.048,-0.9683,2,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,2,0,0,4,9,10,3,2,5,0,16,3,2,1,2,34,37,10,3,3,4,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,12,0,1,7,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,6,2,27,4,21,29,5,24,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,3,15,99,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978912872163564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28552046261220865,0.0,0.0,0.11845900936516855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775089850953598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731253346910953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124000623363811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493979088483917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731135651420296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274974304810319,0.14873936352192765,0.0,0.09507795824937236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557141233074253,0.10283827745907632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783431084720473,0.0,0.0,0.07520820331982574,0.0,0.08181039563625019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323800112931893,0.0,0.14212133247383782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428486752926806,0.0,0.15925991801289846,0.0,0.0791114390131521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032695094131547,0.0,0.3813328290158749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960880872857466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110235122782749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812440255753616,0.0,0.15105185155575604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984001272555667,0.0,0.13741705595059628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310909308352225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293295421064357,0.0,0.0,0.1441195789790539,0.1456856074367695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440544754335467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188891619943362,0.0,0.0,0.12034907713066613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767130347347563,0.0,0.0,0.1678774071057158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254717232061676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047976901576318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539882552087905
suicidewatch,mightflight,2019/01/28,"Perfect I’m in my 2nd semester of law school. I keep trying to get help but I don’t know what else to do. My insurance isn’t accept anywhere except my school and my school’s counseling/psychiatric program can’t see me for another 6 weeks. I can’t find another psychiatrist in my area that accepts my insurance and I don’t have the time to go back to my hometown. 

I am so broken. I have a good job for the summer that pays well, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m starting to miss class and I don’t know want to and I’m barely hanging on. I don’t know what else to do, but I can’t keep feeling this way. ",0.48874125874125707,2.310218969696976,3.030606060606061,91.41975524475524,82.78787878787878,6.485780885780888,23.03263403263403,7.61054688173877,0.9656018648018644,472,17,109,8,13,164,69,132,0.06,0.774,0.166,0.8823,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,15,0,0,0,1,20,30,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,7,0,1,2,9,1,1,0,0,2,18,5,14,30,0,12,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,5,66,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704289080752479,0.0,0.0,0.1751718610214237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581939936803936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29510738141247506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931063986165885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143879774874315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922831296859083,0.0,0.10038425353747747,0.14815086227454688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839296281897485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528038492603626,0.3139979548797985,0.0,0.0,0.2912176144552973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362842034911496,0.14075314027601693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250213095399174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299576274538433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992179334448864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418235565617157,0.14020256376263807,0.14168384303623024,0.0,0.1588137246712473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrandonFlandon,2019/01/28,"sick of it all i've done is hide out in my dorm room since this semester started, having nightmares every night and wishing i was dead. i can't keep this up for three more years, but i'm fucked if i try to do anything about it. i can't wait for all this shit to just be over",5.260273224043715,3.3717578688524625,5.6875409836065565,90.50158469945356,68.672131147541,8.789071038251366,28.53005464480875,6.42735559955562,1.010307103825136,214,5,54,1,3,69,48,61,0.272,0.706,0.022,-0.9564,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,10,14,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,10,11,3,8,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,3,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684530545818645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338385475513178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27485625278374576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015871446611629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899612586701744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30613741289733243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33486237530707336,0.2698543547370633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23090173494069596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148344344130386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751394023760876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007638546741314
suicidewatch,thelonelysoul9,2019/01/28,"Stopping my treatment to die. Hi, I am ill, I have fought a battle with prostatitis for 2 years or so and I give up. 

Thats it, im not going to a doc anymore, because I see they dont make any progress. I always have new bacterias found in my bladder and prostate, ive tryed a lot of treatments, many different antibiotics, but nothing seems to help. I cant enjoy life, its a challenge for me to pee, the prostate is always enlarged, im in pain 24/7, no erection - theres no way I can find a gf.

I have depression too, take medicine, but that doesnt help shit.

My plan? Ive already decided that I want to stop all the treatments and hopefully I get sepsis or any other disease and die. I dont give a fuck about anything, ive done my best for 2 years and it all got worse. Fuck it, at least I tryed, my life is literally hell, everyday. My parents know im really sick so if I die from it, it will hurt them less than suicidea.

Any doc here? How long does it take to get kidney failure or sepsis from untreated bacterias? ",1.1391175806815639,3.1576320473933666,2.9807041299932315,91.5883254344392,81.60663507109005,6.293929135635297,25.213495824870233,7.447530270364453,1.191360009027307,786,32,173,12,21,262,124,211,0.316,0.604,0.08,-0.9959,2,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,2,4,7,13,6,0,8,0,16,14,7,2,2,27,34,14,3,3,7,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,5,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,4,1,25,4,19,29,6,13,1,2,1,5,10,4,4,7,7,102,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436135123751572,0.0,0.187541957130318,0.0,0.0,0.22990868425941974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176281321004278,0.0,0.0,0.0927380967066277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869761410028859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182660849711084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706373896658768,0.0,0.3508777709555275,0.11774192590883098,0.0,0.0,0.09861984973846102,0.1153257561380184,0.2641545865797924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030008706446294,0.0,0.0,0.12356386957323245,0.0,0.208368780386022,0.11775660914241165,0.21621395883243388,0.06404696799999487,0.0,0.09013220836514664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510736999854371,0.0,0.0,0.11193121783350707,0.0,0.0,0.12064195618497756,0.0,0.3651886892275276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193403373132909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919913151346987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973122106731963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958089634592936,0.0,0.0,0.07522455555567589,0.114254689393839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884119751879773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813355835552356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991505570200466,0.0,0.1251340749612066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219508002968363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980304732545781,0.10259297901667117,0.0,0.0,0.11567944120810288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843555105364326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946470714280418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530245429970543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647022579476339,0.08945176955936114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148454785543847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514332259396748
suicidewatch,MehtefaS,2019/01/28,"I feel terribly and i need to talk Long story short, since December i have been on depression prevention and the week before last started on anti depressants, which i have reacted terrible to and gave me suicide thoughts. I quit using them last Wednesday but i feel it have hurt me irreversible. I feel like shit and I'm constantly on edge and sad. I feel burned out and like im threading water to stay alive. I can't be in my own skin because i feel so miserable and i don't know how to relieve the pressure.",3.815767326732672,5.491485762376243,4.8723638613861375,82.61666460396042,72.56435643564356,9.010396039603961,30.446782178217827,9.516144504307137,2.905503960396038,406,18,79,10,8,133,67,101,0.305,0.585,0.11,-0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,12,1,2,2,0,7,3,2,3,0,21,19,10,1,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,7,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,3,6,15,3,9,15,1,14,0,5,0,0,3,6,1,0,9,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507561111616052,0.0,0.1606337931259329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399892996451785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251836100885093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772520714754378,0.13486104217440525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208775830217715,0.0,0.20390961236886604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374591423389268,0.3077539705755565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445205678728527,0.0,0.0,0.16706011354234934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997442047319322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078566434408351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937750322910048,0.15615679801318708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133616059741416,0.2012092482107739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648943175725645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173035685490524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498664241561566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304116408853095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142408046428196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shutupkait,2019/01/28,"It's going to be -37 here tomorrow night. I hear hypothermia is a pretty alright way to go.  Apparently after an hour of intense shivering you get really warm, start to trip balls, then you just... Drift off to sleep.  It honestly sounds so peaceful. ",3.1363043478260906,5.908642630434787,4.671913043478263,77.95352173913045,79.21739130434783,8.897391304347826,26.591304347826085,9.3871,3.025848695652173,195,8,34,6,5,65,41,46,0.0,0.7090000000000001,0.29100000000000004,0.9214,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,7,6,0,12,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174700931659027,0.0,0.3954035352942919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920732453522082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34258054262242504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264511581592882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35390747310342385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285356173764168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34811987167649305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462232174727965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27612193852880396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hxnnxhaa,2019/01/28,"I’m not meant to live. This is feeling is something I’ve felt for as long as I can remember. Imagine being 12 years old and knowing life just wasn’t meant for you. Now, 19, I can feel my time on earth is coming to an end. I don’t want to be here anymore, I’m not happy and I can’t remember I time in my life when I genuinely was. I’ve been dealt a shitty hand with abuse from a past partner and parent, severe depression and social anxiety, being badly bullied throughout school, feeling disconnected from everyone around me including family, having no friends for 10 years of my life, eating disorder.. and I know I don’t have it as bad as some people but it’s shitty nonetheless and I’m not strong enough or willing to continue this. Every second of my life is spent worrying & feeling like a problem/burden to other people. And that’s the reason I haven’t gone yet, I don’t want to be an issue for the people that I’ve involved myself with or my family. I still live with my parents but my plan at the moment is to move out sometime this year, cut off all communication to hopefully lessen the impact on other people if that makes sense, & go by OD or carbon monoxide poisoning as I don’t want anyone to have to see my head blown up or anything traumatizing like that. I’m worried that it won’t be successful and I’ll live through it, still having this depression and anxiety, but no longer having access to medication for it and being even more of a problem to everyone around me. As I said I have no friends, which is why I’m venting on here. 

Side note: does anyone know how many mg of Prozac is needed for a successful outing?",5.377310030395137,5.598287179331311,6.499056231003043,77.76682142857143,67.78419452887537,9.497933130699087,30.127811550151968,9.3871,2.576199878419453,1298,45,250,24,20,437,167,329,0.181,0.715,0.104,-0.9801,2,0,1,0,1,0,34.0,0,1,0,4,12,16,2,0,11,0,32,10,2,3,1,53,59,26,1,7,12,2,6,2,3,2,7,1,0,1,17,17,1,0,14,0,1,4,14,7,0,1,9,8,26,9,45,42,4,31,0,2,1,0,9,11,0,7,18,170,43,3,0.0,0.10915298358994788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963465715853515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095064623050466,0.0,0.0913631808079987,0.12883179312190254,0.0,0.0758109719489053,0.16402144753456172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538409453218686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793574742002256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869414304091395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558315683600464,0.0,0.08061915143437921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426680751660836,0.0,0.0,0.08159534827747003,0.09518968439874932,0.0,0.060847650714203665,0.0,0.0776192310503791,0.17605864663293927,0.0,0.0,0.17369437961081385,0.0,0.18632454071515175,0.06581407196889975,0.0884543847156211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423509925049581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235672357844542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980687063599317,0.0,0.0,0.09454676135075264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150084718933392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615449732677107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518883649965868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26028226418399664,0.09001517965811699,0.0,0.2440440162267607,0.08152766846922252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061494109471977636,0.09340022450609757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280617997420912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791422644909364,0.0,0.06830947198905853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666962219667836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458767612508644,0.0,0.0879436746077923,0.2554713212618244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630224209474407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471977656261253,0.0,0.0,0.20871918533638575,0.0,0.08763190957946881,0.0,0.0,0.09323535253195933,0.07341164573663228,0.0,0.0,0.10407495422578797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390976966225677,0.0,0.07092227577737466,0.09111391633998217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714218418159747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743758089107053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301302060701256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312842471729696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711468667932366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797631310923484
suicidewatch,holyxhandgrenade,2019/01/28,I've made my choice I went back and forth thinking about it all day. I'm going through with it. I've booked my trip away to do it and just have to push through until then. This is what is right for me. I am giving up.,-0.4775510204081641,1.2195779795918398,0.9952653061224516,105.38187755102041,85.53061224489795,3.92,15.922448979591836,3.1291,-1.4454195918367343,167,3,45,0,5,53,37,49,0.0,0.947,0.053,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,10,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826802334622324,0.3131954958234002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626806230122054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907279277922431,0.231483103340321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854056444331092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478396788349487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26098717453920944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775795435552607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mydarknessisreal,2019/01/28,"I can’t take this anymore I’ve been in and out of mental hospitals (borderline personality + bipolar) twice over the last year.  I feel like the people in society are fake as fuck and I have been isolating myself for two years.  I can’t afford my meds, my credit cards are maxed, I’m gonna get evicted soon.

I have this voice in my head telling me to stab myself in the artery in the neck in the bathtub.  I think I’m ready, I see no other way out of this, I need to release, I need to be freed from the chains of my diseases.

I got my hunting knife out and I’m running a bath right now, I’m not leaving a note, this isn’t because of anyone else, I need fucking OUT!! And I can’t find another path in my state!! ",1.3969433198380583,2.8671151315789523,3.33184210526316,92.00020242914984,78.60526315789474,6.2558704453441285,23.534412955465587,7.010146845296331,0.6475196356275306,548,18,127,6,13,185,91,152,0.096,0.8320000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.6671,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,8,0,11,5,2,0,0,15,27,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,5,8,0,0,3,1,1,1,6,3,0,2,3,3,21,3,22,22,0,21,0,0,1,2,2,13,2,0,6,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645479013936448,0.0,0.0,0.1858027299980329,0.13100079627752856,0.19196414953577387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114207972021932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565084620020753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473074389577828,0.13384422626229328,0.0,0.0,0.17123623151807615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34640760312039603,0.09788362884554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984241979953086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227708816705716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271679428950552,0.0,0.19837859797482135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153066899503834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810571217102966,0.0,0.1888066375266758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167571532003863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298862093757571,0.16358844215179982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599974887269889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492951982503718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086530358838895,0.0,0.1637538080301808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004752492897695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301557133720076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487112082267339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412969466709973
suicidewatch,sorrycantdothis,2019/01/28,"always failing i don’t know what to do. i failed last night. maybe i’ll try again or something. i just want everything to end, i’m tired of suffering and not getting better. ",1.3812857142857131,3.8332093428571454,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,84.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,23.035714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.930571428571429,137,5,28,2,4,44,29,35,0.382,0.585,0.033,-0.9288,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,6,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,14,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786219901769833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961475774613928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965776749597977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009415519186933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494528316644026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402478039535927,0.2729474084313617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33640179073079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31423400318354416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577838577437535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848607694765507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22734114204714195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975031814942756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cuddl3Meister,2019/01/28,"I only live for my spouse - and it drives me insane. I can't find work after being laid off, and I've been having daily thoughts of self harm, suicide, giving up in general. My parents would mark it off as weakness after they've mourned, my friends would get over it quickly, and the others I know would probably click their tongue in pity. I only keep myself here because of my spouse. I love him like a wildfire - uncontrollably, unconventionally, and with a mighty heat. I've told him about my episodes, my thoughts, my calls to the help hotlines. I keep him in the loop, because I want to try to be good to him.  
And the part that makes me so mad is that he's supportive. He encourages me daily, asks me how many job applications I put in each day, praises my interviews, despite getting no offers, he even picks up extra work so that we can at least pretend we make ends meet. There's a small part of my brain that wishes he would just abandon me, just shrug off my episodes and call me weak, just echo the thoughts I have toward myself in the form of someone I truly care about and would be truly hurt by such insults. It would justify my death so much more.   
As long as he loves me, I don't think I'll do it, but there's nowhere for me to go. I have no job, and therefore cannot afford therapy, and I have no other options on my hands. It drives me crazy that he loves me enough to keep me alive. I just want to disappear.",6.385865272938442,5.434684195121953,6.344473867595822,83.65438792102209,65.93379790940767,9.1864343786295,31.676887340301967,8.021203637495839,1.9809226016260169,1112,36,238,11,15,352,156,287,0.109,0.748,0.14300000000000002,0.7935,5,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,2,0,1,3,16,20,2,1,9,0,20,7,2,5,0,44,44,17,3,9,5,3,1,1,1,6,2,0,0,1,13,13,0,4,6,1,0,5,6,10,0,0,5,2,46,10,36,30,9,26,1,4,1,3,33,15,0,1,7,160,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997203948850391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300479245783306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907702077282704,0.21784037589465546,0.0,0.1087553684457899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879218320913139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447639001284036,0.1102167946863045,0.0,0.0704533591877259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974928287723378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241160905937818,0.0,0.11145949408079936,0.10232588489162872,0.060622012663894664,0.08946824957583062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149746537337508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419054522055315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117035160450028,0.28443486891178954,0.0,0.0,0.05862206899766141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211270862854047,0.0,0.09419000038635647,0.09439802593823353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888167236102033,0.0,0.14240374218908838,0.10814484188140198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841342165780034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225198949189587,0.0,0.0,0.11844244487863373,0.2310225943484138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500639203702027,0.0,0.0,0.1072310320242155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112782262368596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037964420998247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166777294811988,0.12104584209943647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198441599504685,0.0,0.0,0.0683486940157768,0.0,0.2540479764101846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019260638968263,0.0,0.07242072554827937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583137018765372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266319901705895,0.0,0.0,0.15531148212826462,0.0,0.0,0.4546442961702986,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oligomer,2019/01/28,My friend (m) just had a birthday and said he would kill himself next year. I don't what to do.,-0.03142857142857025,1.5408489523809552,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,83.28571428571429,4.2,20.02380952380953,3.1291,-0.8427333333333338,72,2,19,0,2,23,20,21,0.197,0.669,0.134,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535208160673837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062382349085004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866355237451317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352580005650185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32504769744009576,0.0,0.0,0.2946628861701331
suicidewatch,theone-and-only-luci,2019/01/28,I'm not as smart as my twin brother I might as well not exist My twin got a really good math score on the sats and I got a score of 860 which I'm pretty sure is bad I'm very good at writing and art but he has gotten letters from universities and I haven't I'm an idiot compared to him my whole identity is that I am significantly above average intelligence but I have a disability with math if I'm not as good as him then there is no reason to be alive o don't think I will do it but I feel awful,-0.27833333333333243,1.6086087857142848,2.905357142857145,90.85630952380954,86.14285714285714,6.2333333333333325,18.261904761904766,7.492282038375204,0.27928333333333377,392,10,95,7,12,141,70,112,0.092,0.695,0.213,0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,5,1,12,0,0,1,1,17,23,13,0,1,7,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,4,1,12,6,12,16,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,59,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956165183983712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084959906356303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6014055772481257,0.38231297698686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535496609726272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431570063532197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531146105847888,0.2457399755726573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252621608989862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314664130792804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972065866819182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148968474757364,0.0,0.0,0.26684383664219563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smeIIycat,2019/01/28,"Im finally going to do it. Many say it’s a selfish act, for some it’s selfless ",-3.141754385964912,-1.5950634210526289,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,104.26315789473685,4.63859649122807,22.12280701754386,6.42735559955562,0.6686701754385971,61,3,15,1,3,24,16,19,0.181,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252250174849824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724881792505437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5178990987286579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860972073458042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812858530332293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I-am-here-,2019/01/28,"I really tried to fight in this hell we call life I promised myself I'd never post here again, that I'd never get so down again but I guess that didnt work. I dont even know why I post here, I got written letters to those few that I feel like would want an explanation. Not that there really is one, my life is great, got friends, job, family, Im not sick, nothing bad in my life. Well, nothing bad except for me.

Every morning I wake up and Im still myself. I look in the mirror and am just disgusted by myself. Looking back at me in the mirror is a ugly heap of failures and mistakes, someone who had every option and blew everything. I just dont want to be myself anymore, I cant anymore.

Im sorry for everyone who I mean something to, seems like Im just too weak to go on. One more mistake to my personality I guess. I really am sorry though, I always tried to make everyone happy, Ive fought for so long just so they dont have to feel the pain of losing someone they like but its tearing my insides apart. 

So tonights the night Ill go, I wont make the same mistakes I did in the past again. Already drove to a quiet place in the woods, got my pills and rope, I just hope it doesnt hurt too bad.

Goodbye",1.4204194373401542,3.1361095176470566,3.356658141517478,90.74409207161129,79.31372549019608,6.003410059676045,22.067348678601874,6.8959733430537185,0.5072489343563511,937,28,207,10,23,316,135,255,0.185,0.657,0.158,-0.872,1,0,1,0,1,0,30.0,1,0,2,2,22,23,4,0,10,0,18,9,1,2,2,36,41,12,0,7,10,0,2,3,1,2,8,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,11,14,1,2,9,5,33,9,26,29,3,28,1,2,2,0,11,12,1,5,14,134,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878733872579186,0.0,0.07448765496664106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775591978643164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883520979220772,0.224235911625964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140973708974807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147496592883283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912699162393995,0.0,0.15084860533822134,0.1710800335362503,0.08045463486283333,0.0,0.0843913118076776,0.0,0.09052781355474407,0.06395297166557905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691627847805755,0.0,0.04677040703881822,0.0,0.10175234442558533,0.0,0.21479151462899287,0.09869590889522564,0.19723233120652925,0.0,0.0,0.0952955046161012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891337236269438,0.0,0.0,0.09583281036747278,0.0,0.386787035066832,0.0,0.08883460039569163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919774759592462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969147214760354,0.131204575144687,0.0,0.0,0.07922221670217794,0.15034819208033545,0.10014977148138518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951033944594106,0.0,0.0,0.09751331903109936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808639565693007,0.0,0.0,0.08400827943642984,0.0,0.17179334818404274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213218829671973,0.0,0.09525539171194336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545679004661452,0.0,0.0781652470032443,0.09352915034485378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147046889901302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720460517900001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814954748252252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516996926133593,0.0689167249124496,0.0,0.20042020114720815,0.0,0.0,0.07149063759665159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795276089119006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155615238964405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560220913370533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048906199330245,0.0,0.08077770652242458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517148939932621,0.0,0.0,0.06359230608130832,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HarryMcHair,2019/01/28,"Almost committed suicide, got hospitalized for a while, lost job, but now things are fine, I guess So I just wanted to share my story a little with you guys. I lurked around this place with different usernames and made a few comments here and there, but changed it a few times because I got paranoid that people I know might find out about me.

It kinda helps to see other people suffering with you. That didn't come out very well, but it's true. Misery loves company I guess. I was in a downward spiral for many years, more than a decade. Existential topics got into my head the whole time and I just wanted to die. I thought about it for a long time, and in one episode after getting really abused I decided to finally do it. And I was gonna do it in a way that would be impossible to survive. I had it all planned for some time.

But then I didn't do it. I got out of my house to execute the plan, and decided instead to go to a hospital and tell the receptionist that I wanted to kill myself and wanted help from someone. The world seemed so cruel. I almost couldn't believe when people I never met before actually came to help. I got hospitalized for a few weeks. I met a bunch of good people. And a bunch of people suffering. It is indescribable.

I came out alive. I lost my job and probably some friends, but I got a chance of a new start. This all happened over a year ago. I got unlucky in many things, but also got lucky in others. Now I have a job that I like. My memories haunt me, and my depression and anxiety still exist, but they don't feel so bad anymore. I feel like you can give some time and wait to see what will come out after. There's always an after if you are still alive.

I'm glad I didn't kill myself that night. I wouldn't have had the hope I have now. I wouldn't have had new experiences and the fun I had since. And every day is like a new chance of making something nice to you and people around you. I've learned that there are kind people in this life, they are just not as visible as the assholes.

I wanted to share this with you because I want to share this hope with you. Be patient and kind to yourself and to others around you. Life can be ok, I guess.

",2.6133050539328586,4.2357351165919335,3.8743097806326494,88.7552920858078,75.63677130044843,6.974087989334628,22.816385892619074,7.730073105063049,0.8941149678826816,1706,48,366,24,37,558,196,446,0.147,0.657,0.196,0.9529,4,0,1,0,1,3,49.0,0,9,2,5,24,30,3,0,25,1,34,4,1,2,5,88,79,35,4,13,12,0,2,3,1,6,2,0,0,1,27,36,0,1,9,0,0,5,9,9,1,1,25,4,55,21,56,44,12,55,0,5,2,1,25,20,0,15,32,259,82,4,0.0,0.08005278759930086,0.06593312608273426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059891780315915966,0.0,0.13531201075334856,0.0,0.0,0.05403124099138865,0.056219008589064416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168659515100008,0.0,0.06700574796100021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804399706178532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641346720393886,0.0823732847038314,0.0,0.057492343711571275,0.07612196271833364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545513905870945,0.0,0.0,0.07147419595463178,0.11640152779392644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357346040898004,0.0,0.05819313457262785,0.0,0.0701211992626393,0.07059043688407232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569259365391207,0.0,0.0,0.0660909657995104,0.0,0.0,0.06832520006251555,0.048268034011455366,0.0,0.07401351784446526,0.061752654393254426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220010206206825,0.0,0.03529962000021236,0.06481394667450227,0.038398416004512985,0.05666982858941635,0.4322995002305962,0.0,0.223289472472456,0.06689939668771876,0.05974699206423039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934058562289826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586101638836984,0.0,0.0,0.13421342494349184,0.0,0.07796026747161758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011417797306729,0.0,0.14950003693648445,0.14071588936046053,0.037131637395439315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544549367913684,0.09902568607223704,0.06771729705548866,0.0,0.05979238416377955,0.0,0.0,0.1475090879536338,0.0,0.060979525505208076,0.06393108633796417,0.045099773934367565,0.1369994312240167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167517081552735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210984469135562,0.1957624089600852,0.0,0.06340462973769659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578339849488418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278846239984566,0.0,0.07059043688407232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728458705107582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043283496518666136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107680187754592,0.06150810897753546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055889985099425325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724711246318793,0.0520143901901374,0.0,0.0,0.04782244310209938,0.0,0.10791406363601584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390450759067999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905427971182379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977359479652318,0.0,0.0,0.05363860119803693,0.19698677856497054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055747721105805614,0.2391074670683651,0.05362949046831469,0.05419610102486997,0.0,0.060748526310214976,0.0,0.0,0.07543326028925303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047995824319943696,0.0,0.0,0.08701854053795083
suicidewatch,ninodentici,2019/01/28,Song you’d listen to before ending it?  I’ve been struggling with being addicted to heroin and idk how much longer i can do it but I’d listen to the man who sold the world- nirvana or star shopping - lil peep,2.018255813953488,4.0091098372093015,3.4211046511627927,89.68188953488372,78.53488372093022,5.230232558139536,20.05232558139535,5.985473137389443,0.06937674418604667,165,4,33,1,4,54,35,43,0.126,0.8740000000000001,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,5,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238758566557491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089168902147074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256290726550005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532632008841474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023804008142324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D3g3narat3,2019/01/28,"How can I stop someone from hanging themselves? My girlfriend is the most beautiful person I've ever met. Lately she's been getting stressed out about schoolwork and has always told me she's gonna kill herself. I feel as if she's likely to do it in the heat of a bad moment and I'll not be there to know about it since I've got my own life which is sometimes just as stressful, even when she's in a good mood she still won't say she'll never commit suicide. I don't know what to do. I'm scared for when a major life problem affects her, like a parent/grandparent dying etc. What can I do?",3.1110044444444465,4.036035176000002,4.175466666666669,89.86417777777778,73.24000000000002,6.195555555555559,25.88888888888889,5.82211442006289,0.6972222222222224,467,15,100,2,9,152,86,125,0.185,0.7120000000000001,0.102,-0.8678,2,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,1,3,6,0,13,2,0,2,3,17,22,8,3,2,3,0,1,2,1,3,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,2,15,3,13,14,4,12,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,2,10,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136770397233562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189127695574306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879886356154926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028831124367717,0.1201530235972053,0.16455237042310267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198159943116824,0.12995998447745286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504298572009028,0.0,0.0,0.15258152097250505,0.1454939005964212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126179652389714,0.0,0.199951256286446,0.0,0.20520784175053486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25698363587876005,0.17774878534535965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403039246554733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199488056337375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588410049237064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406791557282905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466596719299155,0.1821284711275746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504818197949095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413583750540202,0.0,0.1799184095282773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527741104710282,0.15208893597037532,0.4167656256806106,0.0,0.0,0.19898528821412365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382740726292012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ovobird,2019/01/28,"All i want is someone who cares about me Im 21 ive never had anyone actually care about me
My parents wish i hadnt been born and they onl got togethet because of me
I dont have any friends or people who will be very effected if i go
I give so mcuh to other i go out of my way and endure shitty friends and make myself seem stupider then i am so people have an edcuse to tlak to me longer
I dont even have anyone to turn to to talk about this im on fucking reddit posting This
I dont have a career abead of me or anything
Im a waste and its a fucking shame someone else could have bern born instead of me maybe theyd do something with this fucking life
I dont want to rxist anymore",1.6052412280701738,2.7136192171052653,3.867105263157896,89.89807017543863,77.22368421052632,6.119298245614036,24.508771929824558,6.42735559955562,0.6418798245614044,539,18,123,4,12,187,87,152,0.124,0.7979999999999999,0.078,-0.836,1,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,1,7,9,4,1,4,0,20,4,0,2,2,18,35,10,0,5,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,4,0,22,4,17,27,1,10,0,0,0,3,9,2,3,4,4,82,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.11381821912458367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931530058136915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566985151685193,0.1631067816298665,0.0,0.0959800632062756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109916612074274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23783281533239398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312297095107984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467779653999334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974329632352688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703583282692604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802226894981688,0.3234794990714264,0.0,0.1118862159769394,0.13257188264832045,0.0,0.09328307743013799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779550661381006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238223150828915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785427837426998,0.0,0.1171747971175914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995553637463409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295085498900162,0.0,0.0,0.1617190291309457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170338633896132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617945547977242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764767053237225,0.08979075636219466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374620515112343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686458926247587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623548455073692,0.1375878241991321,0.0925788516382944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412365006352114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rushia_mofa997,2019/01/28,"I'm really fucking pissed This is a second account, because I couldn't bare using my old one.

I posted on r/depression on my main account quite a bit and then moved to here because my suicidal thoughts got more frequent and intense, and this sub lined up with it more.

A few posts in and I get called out for supposedly looking for attention. Ine of very few places I feel safe to talk about my issues just gets entirely ruined by some people who decide I'm looking for attention and don't feel like I said I did in many posts.

To think I'm not even safe to post in communities about my issues that fucking ENCOURAGE you to talk about it, and then there are the fuckers who think I'm not genuine. As though I didn't feel bad about myself already.

I'm done. I'm fucking done. I have no reason to keep living. Not even people who fucking want to listen can stand me. How would I stand a chance in the shitty real world we all live in?

Sorry for sounding really angry. It just pains me to think about.",3.3027970297029725,4.85110595049505,4.346621287128716,86.38597153465349,73.65346534653466,7.030198019801983,25.00123762376238,7.6454224807358475,1.2251079207920794,790,25,159,10,16,257,116,202,0.153,0.762,0.085,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,1,13,13,6,0,6,0,11,7,1,3,1,36,38,11,1,3,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,9,9,0,3,11,0,2,1,7,9,0,2,7,8,19,4,30,29,8,22,0,1,2,5,11,11,6,1,5,104,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110635624451295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163250590093754,0.1337990886008939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981313584538325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120619335129231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452322311343522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246145119530576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497109859698384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647113556975426,0.07840186272175312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405830002594114,0.11467448459698533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777311621941633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290905720908766,0.0,0.0975464143958447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361587231500101,0.0,0.1938137228698574,0.0,0.1843163501077867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126422299729956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664158607593934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515893519564,0.0,0.07436606435802501,0.0,0.11677643665346922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152166754462323,0.0,0.11466018567775403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204215633248115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116727335326706,0.0,0.12491385662167707,0.14061093730764207,0.1128361564166142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439264338698316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285056259134575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004323725445533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641777665453312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096052849803276,0.10782392288897596,0.08712528558170203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478445931281566,0.0,0.09055113320237272,0.06473045495766068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795971198364014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway16273736,2019/01/28,"I'm going to kill myself once my girlfriend leaves for college. I'll go along with it, I'll apply for colleges too, act all happy and whatnot. Then, after she's gone, I do it. I have a box hidden in my room with the pills I'll take and the letters I'll send out. ",0.8550000000000004,2.228046913793108,2.971931034482761,94.41617241379312,79.86206896551724,4.64,20.220689655172414,3.1291,-0.4672041379310343,203,5,47,0,5,69,43,58,0.085,0.848,0.067,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,9,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,27,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468676939997332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185110685826157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349576343906342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41628469010686703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41868750009804856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955967521181139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,7HR0W4W4YACC0UN7,2019/01/28,"Thoughts to detailed plans. A brief bio:
25M STEM major at university, INTP from MI, sick of snow.  In a long term relationship, most of my family is dead, and I the few friends I have live far away.


I’ve attempted suicide several times in the past when I was very young (I was a shit knot tier), but it’s been some time.

I tried making it in the cannabis industry here in MI, and made something like $40-50k/ yr for a number of years in it.  I felt like I might just be able to make it through life.  Then the market saturated, I was out competed by under sellers, and out of a job after having invested thousands of dollars and my own hours.  I decided that a good backup plan would be to get a degree in Horticultural science (if you can’t beat them, join them right?).  I’m almost done with it, but don’t remember why I even wanted it at this point,

Really I don’t feel like I want anything anymore, I rarely feel much of anything.  I don’t have any wants or desires, not even sex, heck I turned down my girlfriend’s advances for over a month, and I can hardly get hard at all anymore.  Sometimes I go almost three days without eating, I hardly move.  I’ve been binge watching Netflix, but not even paying attention it, I can scarcely remember a single characters name.  I binge games like overwatch with friends whenever I can, which isn’t often, they work late, so I end up staying up some 6 hours past when I should be going to bed.  I smoke weed everyday practically all day to tame my anxiety.  I’ve been to a general practitioner, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist.  Nothing works really except the weed, but I hate feeling foggy and forgetful all the time.  Plus I lost a bunch of friends because they don’t want to be around it or associated with it.  I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.  as I write this I’m hovering over the purchase button of an amazon cart filled with components of a carbon monoxide generator.  Part of me is still holding on, but I feel like it’s only because I can’t bare to do that to my loved ones.  I hate my life, I love my people, but I hate life, and don’t know how much longer I can live only to not hurt others.  I’m not looking for anything by putting this out there, I just needed to say something, but feel like everyone I know just panics and makes it worse.

TLDR; Decent life but suicidal.",4.437975409269877,5.125027773019276,5.597366857774402,81.76378807764041,69.98501070663812,8.766705809214617,29.411411203978723,8.933256019334266,2.225692878358776,1818,67,372,32,31,606,246,467,0.099,0.768,0.133,0.9317,1,0,3,0,0,2,63.0,0,1,4,9,15,20,4,1,23,0,32,10,1,5,3,80,67,27,3,9,20,0,10,7,4,3,5,1,1,0,18,18,1,1,14,2,5,7,13,7,0,3,11,13,50,13,60,49,15,56,0,2,2,3,16,25,2,10,30,238,68,5,0.07590658354915204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201895748239866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051619079761084895,0.0,0.05806832864964567,0.0,0.15055786834662102,0.0,0.0,0.1873939518026291,0.06757295248899864,0.0,0.0,0.07131673393636194,0.0,0.0,0.09254389758425324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979069335884478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767878917368766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767138507014001,0.0,0.0,0.13446140551381186,0.0,0.0,0.15040674762652664,0.0,0.0,0.07253199348638949,0.0,0.0,0.07155797145720501,0.0,0.23028389628057225,0.21691071381746704,0.07288222394906989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593571446695935,0.0,0.07931611395146332,0.0,0.08627892139777489,0.06366684091756511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399216786271934,0.22482610879876908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495053891580821,0.0,0.0812595676266698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532557159454882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343254637991465,0.0,0.08562593250150166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144602591405388,0.2595888577273681,0.0,0.1340538078939582,0.06717493780011624,0.06374241261970905,0.0,0.08286100267464959,0.0,0.13701731048799248,0.07182464469861573,0.15200470183002018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052488972771893,0.0,0.0,0.060587910797883976,0.08067668553464626,0.1116001456641392,0.05628376989286847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283441412729068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051436265490728265,0.11546075454157086,0.0,0.08906002080785548,0.0,0.08219943294116405,0.14492284601324734,0.05262406750278622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175625663000844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763070820059539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972554022414869,0.0,0.0,0.08149526348590991,0.17197472411412815,0.06482380760444964,0.0,0.06036396190546293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575283346053869,0.0779170172062886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687319295255852,0.07507355205642698,0.0,0.0,0.08090631837108476,0.06061909567488405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605896453145655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026134849036618,0.1327852178762566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153558759086898,0.08256456577730305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263088100857564,0.17908667859622016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849388513930259,0.0,0.0,0.07317123780863186,0.0,0.11052179373365904,0.0,0.0773552935174417,0.05392185908704069,0.0,0.0,0.04888135111055456
suicidewatch,ManWithTheHands,2019/01/28,"Giving up, don't wanna leave a mess But I'm thinking of going to the gun range and doing it there. The world just wasn't nt meant for me, I try and try, but I'm never good enough, I can never make people happy enough, and I don't care enough about my future unless I'm not gonna be alone, so fuck it, rock class, fuck work, I'm sorry to the little kids at work that like to talk to me, but I'm not sorry to the people who hurt me.",4.230204081632653,2.489139163265307,5.6601224489795925,89.39202040816328,70.63265306122447,7.8400000000000025,20.620408163265303,3.1291,-0.2350228571428569,330,1,83,0,5,113,61,98,0.285,0.629,0.086,-0.9789,0,1,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,2,0,5,0,6,2,0,1,2,16,20,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,1,7,4,12,16,3,8,0,1,0,2,4,4,2,0,4,50,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714059652522608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873619049798552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130108700850687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060003770644496,0.0,0.15876071455318766,0.09405629922834588,0.1388118289670792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617564583670614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716897902845533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523843366888858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085393903928999,0.16587242437389205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047116713884952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552844442571135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947088162288415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705228123621908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302098374217625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604440423079724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472448977464432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409689582172882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gemitarius,2019/01/28,"Life is terrible  

*rambling  nonsense, talk about my goddamn life, beware. I'll probably delete this  post. Will decide later. Excuse my grammar and some language butchering. originally posted onn* r/self

At  least that's what I see everywhere around me. Starting with my own  family. My mother is unhappy with her life she has put her life at risk  at least twice, she cries to the point of getting to a state of shock  and the rest of the time she pretends she doesn't care and goes out to  forget and enjoy despite everything and everyone. She's had it rough  growing up with her father dying from a brain injury for working as a  Boxer to barely bring food to the table, she was responsible for her 6  brothers and sister, she was going to marry someone she loved but left  her  in the  altar, she later married for real years later only because  of ""female"" peer pressure with a man that that she only knew as a  coworker, they didn't date, just straight up marry. Later in she had me  and my brother just barely since she was getting old by that time.  Worked her ass out to get us to a good school but she had to abandon us  and sometimes she would get mad and hit us for not getting good degrees.  She doesn't remember anything about it.

My  father. Just yesterday he was puking in the bathroom for so much  alcohol. He's a good man but he's fucked up. Doesn't talk much about his  past but I know he lived in even more poverty that my mother. One day  he said he and his family had a patch of terrain were they lived in a  makeshift room made of metal sheets and wood planks, their bathroom was a  hole in the ground and he sometimes had to look for food in the trash.  He never knew his father. He saw once a man get his throat sliced and  killed in front of him. He has incredible luck in general, which I don't  really know what to think about. He likes cartoons and old black and  white movies with a famous comedian here in my country, is not  interested in watching much else, which would be good but it has  affected how he interacts with the world (?). This one is hard to  explain but if you have ever seen Back to the Future, the first scene  where Marty is having dinner with his family; or in The Simpsons where  Bart writes something in the back of  Homer's head and he wants to see  what it says and cannot see, starts spinning around, everyone laughing,  until they realize is not funny anymore and instead is just sad. Well  that. The feeling of everyone knowing what he cannot see, the  uselessness of doing anything because nothing can be done or said, the  embarrassment. Because it doesn't just stays as something that he likes,  he acts it out in real life like his life is a comedy... Anyway, he is  overweight, alcoholic and always has had suicidal ideation because he  never has enough money, mostly, even if we now live good enough thanks  to their efforts but when he was working and earning good money he never  saved a cent and now what the pension gives him is just enough. He  doesn't have family and the ones that last are terrible people that has  gone to jail and normally just come to him for money. He would invite  them sometimes and show off what he has to them. Nothing to be worried  about. He has never physically touched me, as in grab hands to even pass  coins to buy something, or hug.

My  brother. At some point he just stopped talking to me. I don't know why  but I feel like he considers me an annoyance even if I barely talk to  him. And maybe he's right. Just like me he just wants to get out of the  house as soon as possible but cannot make enough money to sustain  himself, same like me. He's a big fellow. He was bullied in school for  that of course. At some point he became a bully himself, which made him  an aggressive person in general. He's always been someone very distant.  Once or twice I've physically hurt him in fits of anger. He's sexist  too. We had to saved him from a kidnapping with gun in hands. He has  destroyed 2 or our cars, never played a cent for it. To what he thinks I  don't know. I don't know him that well even when I see him daily and  lives with us.

My uncles and aunts all  are in terrible condition. One has had cancer treatment but she cannot  move or eat normally because of the same treatment, they ""burned"" and  destroyed her to try to cure her, no shady methods or anything, it's  just how the treatment goes. Another appears to have a good successful  life but his daughter hates him, she studied hard to be psychologist and  is working as a kinder teacher barely making it. Her daughter's  daughter ran away from her home because they fought too much and is  working as a nurse, his son was schizophrenic and  died hit by a truck,  his spouse died a month  later of sadness. The aunt I wrote about, her  daughter has a child with autism that, and it's going to sound terrible  but it's true, came to ruin their already broken family. Her husband is  struggling with stress, it caused half of his face to get paralyzed  and doctors told him ""don't get stressed of your face will fell off"", or  something to that effect. Another one is a complete sociopath. The  story goes that He burned the cat of one of my other aunts alive and  laughed as it was running in pain. Why he did it? Because he was jealous  of it. Once it died he cooked it and gave it to my aunt to eat it not  knowing it was her own cat. My friend. He is unhappy with his marriage.  Married only because of social pressure. His friend, she had a tumor on  her brain and is now paralyzed. I could tell you about my coworkers or  just anyone and they are not good. Even my own cat, I rescued it from  the garbage where someone had thrown her away in a bag.

Me.  Well... as far as things that had happened to me I'm ""lucky"" to be  alive, at least 4 times lucky. As I posted in other occasions I still  find really funny and terrible/scary that I know what human flesh taste  like because of a real life Sweeney Todd like person from whom I used to  bought food not knowing why they tasted so good... at least. For a time  I saw my grandfather, adoptive father of my father, go from being  healthy to have help his second wife to carry his pretty much skeletal  body to bath him in a small tube. He was easy to carry since he was so  light. They tried to do everything to cure him, he wanted to live. My  grandmother died a slow violent death too. In her bed but it looked to  me like one of her organs finally exploded and she vomited blood until  she passed out cold. My father wasn't present, he didn't wanted to see.  I'm a bag of mental issues. Thanks to my parents I don't lack anything  material, but I'm a piece of shit because I'm fucking old and I can't  get a decent job even with my studies because i can't talk to people.  I'm pathetic. I don't share my feelings or thoughts to anyone. I'm  quite. I like to listen. And people talk to me.

All  people around me are sad or crazy, they are barely living, have  terrible things happen to them with lasting effects. Even if many of us  are living, working, some in the city, some in other places, some with  money and all commodities, some joining some kind of mafia; we are all  not ok in the slightest. Some will try to be like ""well there's a lot to  be happy about"", ""I'm grateful for what I still have"", "" things will  get better""... I'm not sure about that. I respect their view point  but... Reality is kind of shitty. And, well, they don't really believe  themselves because it hurts them and prefer to not think about it  telling themselves otherwise. It's so hard. It's so much bullshit. And  it's normal. It's so... OK. It's just how it is. The world is beautiful  but living it is a coin toss.

No matter  what you do, no matter what you try, no matter who you are; something is  there to get you and make everything fall apart.

There's  nothing you can trust. Not even morally. If it's not you it's the  neighbor or... nature that wants to kill you. There's nothing else you  can do but to just be yourself, whatever that implies. Because you will  end up being just another story. Good or bad, terrible or endearing; it  doesn't matter.

Why are we even here but to delude ourselves into thinking there's some meaning to our suffering. *Why are we here... Just to suffer* (haha! Aaahhhh... What an idiot). We just keep going and we don't know why.

I  don't know if I should just let myself go, you know? Abandon everything  and just enjoy what I have right now without any kind of worry. Ran out  of money, be happy and then die early by my own hand. It's just another  story among others after all, is not even going to be half of what  anyone is going to remember. So bad that not everyone agrees and I  wouldn't like to hurt anyone... I could very well do the same as  everyone. Get drunk, go party, tell everyone to fuck off even if they  don't deserve it, do whatever I need to be functional, do an oopsie  every now and then and shrugged it off. But I care too much.

Who knows. In the end why would it matter.",3.3290625654729666,4.994481209723009,4.189661339226067,87.05823459186378,73.81628038439797,6.9380765080030224,25.428854356497087,7.61054688173877,1.2709384789320342,6976,231,1395,88,143,2242,574,1769,0.16899999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.114,-0.9991,4,0,8,1,0,0,235.0,14,13,19,14,91,108,17,7,71,3,143,46,15,14,13,274,252,121,10,26,74,25,12,12,4,11,16,5,5,7,87,86,13,4,33,6,12,26,50,46,6,13,50,36,179,62,221,173,43,165,2,12,15,6,222,79,5,37,67,951,266,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117370505850288,0.0,0.0,0.03158368341231988,0.0,0.047629474443535776,0.0,0.0,0.019463075478930118,0.12004530896593366,0.0,0.0,0.028384070087454825,0.08004910978634444,0.0,0.09420967712224884,0.07643554364285889,0.0,0.0,0.05378022940116888,0.04401514408101154,0.047794222308358295,0.2268100800879617,0.0,0.0,0.03224575787512115,0.0,0.025312706766706727,0.0,0.031791175080822236,0.0,0.06390039247381367,0.0,0.032734486488315694,0.058361476313539384,0.029401370076188118,0.0,0.02465422164313909,0.03000828722225802,0.0,0.0,0.045702642470192525,0.0,0.031438524154497265,0.018458000870631062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822277297573766,0.0,0.0,0.029294526355434676,0.0,0.02928894013215565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857229680072115,0.047817888949141886,0.0,0.050698937226914785,0.11829144518314587,0.0,0.226844639241508,0.025889085703258114,0.02411419649342406,0.16408998421476662,0.10288985407795344,0.0,0.13490536890979987,0.0,0.04341449785268985,0.020446652743317147,0.0,0.03135260693066415,0.026158825529485882,0.024344775355503983,0.10382488833792174,0.0,0.04422460462240987,0.07937820143359024,0.19439092827508397,0.027455608825147283,0.13012654756170558,0.2400570750232148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061842787734499,0.060934591157812,0.07691564783020155,0.028257042069442163,0.02937312248750737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019183869686149112,0.0,0.028708922289188813,0.0,0.0,0.03302447570974158,0.09191723905714166,0.0,0.0,0.029872602586841164,0.02840165481879652,0.02543941677235383,0.06332918675800896,0.08941224717804559,0.20447963637086874,0.04665942413968446,0.0,0.0,0.031096503105175626,0.02926663197844173,0.16172532444214546,0.1677916954568516,0.0,0.20218100697293567,0.0,0.04806840392229536,0.0,0.0,0.024332318198935814,0.025831323110473762,0.05416324690353664,0.05731367158351239,0.029016924488830764,0.028753366674672914,0.031176361631844358,0.0,0.0,0.028842960663659687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02284479084919504,0.03041930284728749,0.1472766899373101,0.021221906061360797,0.11037034351341828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412670569672932,0.10984943599802904,0.0,0.0900979138694154,0.09144041898735834,0.13575901499285165,0.06530205664934116,0.030454470926657932,0.0,0.031779929763870285,0.0,0.027321721964362257,0.07936803232878985,0.049981028885672386,0.0299025676004357,0.0,0.10822335038434487,0.0322655688061268,0.08223223351477714,0.029117568205959177,0.03085798393538528,0.0,0.0,0.028771735248532007,0.0,0.030441665647003718,0.0,0.09772995795659688,0.0550055108495018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484340773592884,0.04888388813115605,0.05444972999852876,0.02276035047914606,0.0,0.057931406448230936,0.13684208098246609,0.0,0.02985765970703475,0.0,0.029378764480074468,0.04735072146861873,0.0,0.0,0.02917522639225878,0.07275074610339202,0.11016816777960524,0.08491989106984332,0.0,0.040515795079352386,0.030505886359599794,0.045713098336720825,0.023928208920541788,0.06556989105458963,0.029920597582813905,0.0,0.031306429479059636,0.0,0.026974696031049118,0.0,0.0,0.13802553504902218,0.07504732945956419,0.05270023932422117,0.0,0.0,0.057043016851115375,0.07335602359439254,0.0,0.022721659889301717,0.06675590317826945,0.0,0.0,0.027348330702461104,0.0,0.0777263783682002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721360501216242,0.02471911836980497,0.0,0.04723019356500743,0.08440623018954113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440082210579922,0.0,0.18078027809428324,0.0,0.0,0.02758935903056896,0.0,0.1250173786588873,0.058131474124783276,0.0,0.08132537179916975,0.0,0.0,0.018430809510363355
suicidewatch,TrashTheNonsense,2019/01/28,"Feeling trapped I didn't know this sub was here, I wish I had found it sooner. I can't talk to anyone in my life about what I'm going through.

I'm stuck in a relationship with someone I don't love. He's cheated on me before and I'm sure he's doing it again with the way he's so secretive about his phone. But I can't just leave him. My son, whose father is not in his life, loves my boyfriend. If we broke up, he'd be devastated. He's already going through a tough time right now, the school counselor even called me today to suggest professional counselling because he's been so down and told his teacher he was depressed. I think I'm partially the cause of his unhappiness. I'm never in a good mood and I never want to do anything. I'm failing as a mother. But I'm so tired of having to be miserable to keep other people happy.

I don't really have any friends. My ""best"" friend finally got tired of me always being down. My family doesn't seem to like me, I always get left out or forgotten. I thought I was regaining an old friend, maybe it could even turn into more later on if I can ever get out of current situation, but now it's obvious I'm not important.

I know these sound like whiny things, but really they're just extra things that add up. At the core, I don't see a purpose to life. We live to die? Why? Why should I struggle to survive, what's in it for me? Nothing. Why should I push forward, hating every day, just so I can see another day? It's dumb, it's pointless. I'm already on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, this is my view of life when I'm completely rational. 

I always think about how much I dont want to be here. I'm tired of being unhappy. I just want to get out and let everyone in my life figure it out without me. But I'm so afraid of failing and then having everything taken from me, leaving me worse off than I already am. 

As much as I dont wish these feelings on anyone else, I'm glad I can get this out to people who won't tell me to cheer up, buttercup.",1.9254826306019623,3.5486601527446338,3.93150556881464,87.60577598780165,77.54415274463005,7.042190400424291,24.288053566693183,7.8897218956490685,1.2361057544417928,1560,53,337,25,36,532,205,419,0.17600000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9904,1,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,2,0,0,4,23,25,3,3,10,0,36,10,0,2,5,59,80,25,1,10,15,3,2,2,3,3,8,1,0,0,21,17,0,1,11,0,0,4,15,11,0,0,12,6,48,13,57,57,5,46,0,5,3,2,32,26,1,4,19,214,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700215234732816,0.0,0.20360169970641487,0.0,0.0,0.05546586849594816,0.08552627419890621,0.06239573226737145,0.0,0.0,0.11406196830078685,0.08357128109683434,0.06711967962058725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972025535197959,0.0,0.0694043953789339,0.0,0.08559569384255697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328529002344595,0.0,0.0,0.08378801839472691,0.0,0.0,0.08551761075274307,0.0,0.0,0.06512169055484696,0.0,0.0,0.10520321416795908,0.0,0.07025038569449177,0.0,0.08464987029376783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118325533067831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813570504512967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774363437406688,0.07377871111129146,0.0687206322062332,0.07793726720982704,0.07330387124626163,0.0,0.0768906585133343,0.0,0.08248175136629837,0.0,0.0,0.08934865278120797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942999299060098,0.18904690373271305,0.0,0.1704539161257237,0.0,0.09270865211799062,0.06841146030170722,0.06523365438588204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682569267309218,0.0,0.08052691267651126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249724468450547,0.0,0.0,0.08965015779454455,0.0,0.0,0.1727276016385562,0.08861880815201598,0.08340404179148735,0.28805299770337484,0.0796954565325245,0.0,0.07202192400989745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722819857251487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194133843439491,0.0,0.0905984842053071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199168801959616,0.0,0.12581335289574486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826222502729148,0.0,0.08558700547009612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309150110157225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450312900218738,0.0,0.0,0.087568503516017,0.0,0.06965464716993397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254645508931484,0.129990844744313,0.0742522019262929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168061214130294,0.0,0.0,0.06910835375976712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526771283629457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687248320010058,0.0,0.0,0.06555752356472544,0.07128995468509068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837411845835174,0.10452499047431904,0.0,0.06475218167827533,0.04756023978613368,0.2812351845092001,0.07731250988449236,0.07793726720982704,0.0,0.0,0.08871749300888164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432451445815905,0.06474118326271229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079468542427705,0.0,0.18758763270367768,0.07862414968968492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312001216531792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deactivated98,2019/01/28,"I’m going to kill myself Things have really blown out of the water lately and I’ve been dealing with too much and have decided that I’m going to kill myself. Everything is too much to handle and even just breathing lately is even too much. I wanted to post it somewhere to at least write about it. I don’t have anyone , no friends and my family says it’s just a “phase”& to not talk so foolish. I’m 21. It’s not a phase I’ve felt this way for a very long time and only now has it really become too much to handle. Nobody talks to me and if they do it doesn’t last long they always stop talking to me. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to find good friends or any for that matter. I’m a good person , I’ve never tried to be anything other than anyone’s friend and I end up with nobody. It’s not even about friendship at this point. I have a very pressing issue and it’s all just too much to deal with anymore. This is the best decision for me. I won’t have to feel anymore and I’m okay with it.",0.4002020202020233,2.3095858888888903,2.4427946127946143,95.03621212121212,83.62962962962962,5.0383838383838375,17.225589225589225,6.11248444174946,-0.4298814814814813,776,16,178,6,22,260,106,216,0.105,0.792,0.103,-0.0965,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,2,1,16,10,2,0,7,1,15,2,1,0,3,35,26,13,2,2,9,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,17,14,1,1,5,0,0,2,9,2,0,0,2,5,13,8,28,22,8,19,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,2,10,119,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920388948492732,0.11984916249941288,0.0,0.07522064765053643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939678929446704,0.1546863929212053,0.0,0.09102509179182697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216339173922078,0.0,0.0,0.11608154170351648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280743361736128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797030529761,0.0,0.0,0.21917657230316206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994118512872134,0.0,0.10427611229186376,0.0,0.055929267181462364,0.0,0.10620584700530608,0.0,0.10109829765781073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563780378944591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572785830682445,0.1855539087426097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990875405844197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154512562016124,0.0,0.0,0.24475383904646225,0.0,0.0,0.09016437578397216,0.2495526122610095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195778086343128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40656649022051067,0.0,0.08531158119875787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412618720669379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658302376442077,0.0,0.0,0.1045650585339666,0.0,0.10593669826107226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172306786517422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796391431806101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247743883380533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042514636409048,0.0,0.0,0.2667196700218001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348637639730353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449934231876539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509898071756399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253465401529373,0.06524242592051592,0.08779946779412706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981104708038498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweetandkinky98,2019/01/28,"Its over Its over for gtcels. 
    
Got banned from my two favorite subs. 
    
The moderator literally told me to kill myself.  
    
Fuck.   ",1.8727272727272712,4.477222181818182,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,99.9090909090909,5.836363636363638,19.13636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.8968727272727279,96,3,18,2,4,30,20,22,0.348,0.5589999999999999,0.093,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317163545133056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734873175103067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166452215032888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462203005230074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561725237272316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesinnerandsaint,2019/01/28,"there's so much more to life than death... Prolly not what many of you may be down to read but hear me out for a minute please:

Life seems pathetic at times, we all get fucked over (to varying degrees but fucked over nonetheless). People hurt us and the point to us/our existence is often not so clear for us to see, but I think any life lost prematurely is a waste. Everyone out here has potential to be happy and feel content. You have so much more than just your past and your losses to concentrate on. Because for as long as the stars shine and the sun rises, there is hope. You just need to find it within you. People hurt us, they are cruel but that is not an accurate representation of the entire human race. Fight! Cause like is worth living, and for as long as you allow certain things to control you, they will do just that. Live for yourself, reestablish your character, come to terms with your faults, accept others. Someone has to find you too. And in my experience, it's always those ones that get fucked up the most. ",3.8891017587939705,5.664740105527643,4.144042085427138,87.50440483668342,72.56783919597991,7.387060301507537,22.487751256281406,8.07648339933343,0.9964595477386936,807,20,163,12,16,251,124,199,0.231,0.669,0.1,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,4,11,2,3,11,15,5,0,8,0,14,6,0,3,3,38,28,17,1,2,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,9,11,0,1,6,1,1,2,3,10,0,1,1,4,20,5,35,23,7,18,0,4,2,3,20,11,3,5,6,117,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567664548223896,0.0,0.0,0.07819367290307719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009372590882937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181211631804323,0.0,0.0990493072346424,0.0,0.0,0.12896533925564982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987299657284058,0.0,0.11247729305579644,0.0,0.0,0.058139818790364936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101882253085443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189050530709815,0.12014972562412007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224035609026628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959633567220974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420594741485153,0.0,0.0,0.24618742064578625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24365169959771496,0.05617581252172097,0.0,0.20306754119577525,0.20351603081412425,0.0,0.0,0.1255195979771643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657663787972145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905425913028832,0.0852598440949526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791674198287395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976609491870493,0.15943209914580764,0.0,0.0,0.12621888749738994,0.10869789398892256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501601346221613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162807569734553,0.10467793162171296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974263300169208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639085621196702,0.07367767905719555,0.0,0.0,0.06704861807582667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532506930925337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coercioneverworks,2019/01/28,No point MD. 290k in debt at 6% per year. Self reported to government agency suppose to help for drug problem.  Lost everything. What’s the point. Good bye. ,0.6387356321839093,2.6108612068965558,1.7570689655172451,91.07399425287358,109.34482758620688,6.071264367816093,22.07471264367816,7.1686216300943375,1.5776160919540223,121,5,23,3,6,38,27,29,0.26,0.59,0.15,-0.4767,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,8,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580541000283702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774862359424269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589663859726047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694984312005849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33703909431448176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5837405526200469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29543380300818306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220954944645106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882605538648415
suicidewatch,Lurkerman18,2019/01/28,"What's the point? Can anyone actually give a good reason not to try suicide? 

If I'm sick to death with this world and all it's bullshit then what is the point anymore??

If there was a 100% pain free suicde guarantee button you can be sure a lot of people would press it because there is so much bad in this world it suffocates the good.

P.s please don't say people care because in reality they don't other than the usual show off ""awww no"" blah blag people couldn't give a shit.

Is there a reason too carry on when you can't see light at the end of the tunnel?",3.6355769230769255,4.3386494273504255,4.535972222222224,88.59062500000003,71.8205128205128,7.217521367521367,22.31730769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.5185051282051281,441,9,97,4,8,143,81,117,0.185,0.652,0.163,-0.619,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,1,0,6,8,1,0,11,0,12,3,1,2,2,12,17,6,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,4,3,6,11,13,3,13,0,0,1,0,6,9,1,3,4,60,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.16438531285608102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705958743565685,0.11778588495496352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065077763761902,0.20537412650555772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174852170663468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149198890618194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32318992089517995,0.0,0.28257988224256714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432122675551018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383194911797996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792453067126319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35035120127877106,0.0,0.0,0.1849102286415512,0.31848406888806385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346394393334482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396016671399247,0.0,0.0,0.13423481036094445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729140415130178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425966313995115,0.0,0.1587644610608908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436817080012746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552659883455866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966380278585835,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,petitepinaypls,2019/01/28,"Another year, another birthday wishing I was dead Looking forward to next year when things will finally be different! ... Just kidding.",8.042857142857144,11.620593523809529,7.609761904761907,59.20607142857146,66.14285714285714,11.81904761904762,53.35714285714285,11.20814326018867,8.256314285714286,108,9,12,4,2,34,19,21,0.177,0.695,0.127,-0.5093,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6067054622769311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022533950816497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31691030737158576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429363002503197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30767023821192635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219582009738145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33267683668831977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725950776567637
suicidewatch,suicidal091,2019/01/28,"I have to. I'll never be as good as my peers. I'll never find anyone. Everyone would be better off I just killed myself. I was going to kill myself today, but I didn't find an opportunity. I'm such a failure. I have my note written and my affairs in order. As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to throw myself down multiple flights of stairs. I don't know why I posted here, it just feels right to let somebody know.",0.16651685393258475,2.2800827865168567,2.8630224719101136,90.38801685393257,86.30337078651688,4.908314606741573,17.888764044943823,6.2581,-0.1407402247191012,324,8,70,3,10,113,58,89,0.171,0.777,0.052000000000000005,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,2,12,18,6,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,3,1,14,3,12,11,0,14,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509993594888718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909928801908738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635234696218635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919232599062133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947542612754791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128265299152154,0.0,0.24546213426682825,0.18113113145681026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778399991172312,0.0,0.2373642434322104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082657483319634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331125349740929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206823280079148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442268294629865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469819427015595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486399410359104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340681594892447,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Insecureaboutalot,2019/01/28,I got herpes from my first sexual experience at 19. It’s over. Fucking herpes. The end of my love life at 19. I’m done. ,-2.3449999999999998,-0.9111870384615379,1.8687692307692318,90.9262307692308,111.69230769230772,5.156923076923079,12.892307692307696,6.742157984588678,-0.1605599999999998,91,2,21,2,5,34,21,26,0.0,0.84,0.16,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,1,5,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407068770417358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523165048872677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389106816070492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383528978971775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677427578432346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181423513953973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809649677871731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590135009798365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tack1234,2019/01/28,"Why can't I just die already I'm 22, been depressed for most of the recent years and even though I have a decent career and keep moving forward, inside I'm a fucking lonely mess and want to die. When I think of how little keeps me from putting the knife in the kitchen to my veins inside of this empty apartment I get goosebumps.
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suicidewatch,Heyitsme715,2019/01/28,"Hey it's me You guys ever had a problem with motivation? Pretty redundant question considering my audience, but it's a good opener. I just don't care enough about doing things, I wake up, I passively wait through my day and I fall asleep, most often without even realising it. I have no interest in playing games, meeting people or killing myself. I just don't have the drive anymore. I did something a few days ago, and it was something I always wanted to do, I stopped a thief, he tried to rob someone and I got the money back. And I hate that I did that because now I'll never be able to reach that same happiness because I can't just go out looking for crimes. I'm just sitting in my room, no motivation to go out or do anything except wait for when I pass out. ",3.3984848484848524,4.878565753246754,4.89292207792208,82.84033549783553,73.28571428571428,7.470995670995673,29.71645021645022,8.07648339933343,2.0644995670995683,602,26,119,9,12,202,100,154,0.211,0.653,0.135,-0.9427,0,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,2,11,9,2,0,6,0,13,2,2,2,2,31,23,8,1,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,9,0,3,3,2,1,5,7,4,0,0,5,1,20,5,17,17,4,23,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,5,9,88,28,2,0.18524077510169232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420477033884587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541351642137063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837090732197641,0.0,0.0,0.1524373743717516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424387218225418,0.0,0.2258421143185571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886531586666694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892995070724124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914032386605032,0.0,0.12234978490730955,0.16756088631399882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055320273125835,0.15537117346625265,0.1481539699156739,0.0,0.0,0.18341749086384965,0.0,0.1971922496339681,0.0,0.1828869148967981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494147194586507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555559700405858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286910548997453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284226294667532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845646353918244,0.0,0.17725040445919096,0.0,0.0,0.20751206245684853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695390761462774,0.28521479743746725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486958251785354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306573989200885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576632677022084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925980857796774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856549686555662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Delettelater,2019/01/28,"At a dead end Moved to a different country in order to try to do music professionally. I left because I felt like there was nothing left for me there, that I had no future if I stayed there. And now I feel the same. I work for minimum wage because I don’t have the qualifications for anything else. That barely covers necessities, so I am left with nothing for the music. I can’t even travel to open-mics. I’ve been thinking about suicide for most of my life and I don’t see the reason to stay alive. Never did, I thought maybe it’d get better with years but it’s only getting worse and I just can’t bear to live the rest of my life like this. Maybe some people can, but I really can’t.",1.8230769230769253,3.671958580419581,3.6356643356643374,88.58888111888115,78.58041958041956,6.078321678321679,21.48951048951049,7.010146845296331,0.4839902097902096,539,15,116,6,13,181,90,143,0.085,0.848,0.067,-0.5267,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,7,0,14,2,0,1,1,18,21,7,2,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,1,1,2,7,0,0,0,6,3,16,3,18,14,4,15,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,7,78,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348289164442232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294488110990145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327118963732065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677606070566158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535211626104678,0.0,0.13290463492311452,0.0,0.0,0.09911024310602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587256989440985,0.0,0.1440768126634051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567956117661817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891072221985152,0.0,0.21197727584114867,0.14661907624094211,0.0,0.13250175639707815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015018388731933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948525001380687,0.0,0.0,0.11573205288573454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28796460017464776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412397015825144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402959054163266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612939623688337,0.154282046584866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957480642834815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198783967784054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413636293945053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614950597079212,0.0,0.11912730631488172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187783517715904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924219177309494,0.0,0.15291937496890004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966308227862382
suicidewatch,Tartannical,2019/01/28,"I think I’m done I’ve emptied the powder from ~40 paracetamol capsules (no guns here, my ceilings too weak for hanging, and I’m not morally okay with involving others in my death), a whole lot of alcohol, and I plan on overdosing tomorrow night. I wrote notes - to my mum and dad, my gran, what few friends I actually have - so they’ll have some explanation. Hopefully they’ll be able to get them from the university or something.

Tomorrow I plan on cleaning everything up, going to the gym, attending my classes, talking to my friends, and trying to make things as right as I can before I’m gone. I just can’t keep living like this; I’ve done everything right, fixed my life, stuck to a routine, made friends. I’ve taken my medication and asked for help wherever I could. It hasn’t helped. I’m a lost cause, to be honest.

Ever since I was ten, I haven’t felt happy, or even content: I’ve struggled to look after myself, to do what I should, and it has always hurt. It feels as if I’ve been forcing myself to keep going through hell because I was worried about how everyone else would feel. I still am, but I feel like the pain of losing a daughter/friend won’t match up to the long term pain of having me here to drag them down.

So I’ve decided this is what’s best to make everyone happy. I’ll never be good enough, but at least this way I can stop ruining things for everyone else. I guess this is just so that I have it somewhere. Hopefully when they find my phone, they’ll find this, and know I’m sorry that it’s necessary.",3.911670121409536,5.004608009771989,4.9193737044714245,84.64768359490675,71.50814332247558,8.448267693218831,27.96106011252591,8.841846274778883,2.0199263843648203,1197,43,248,22,22,392,170,307,0.128,0.763,0.11,-0.1635,0,0,2,1,0,0,45.0,0,0,6,5,14,22,1,1,9,1,29,6,0,5,2,44,58,20,1,6,8,2,4,2,3,6,6,0,1,0,18,8,1,3,9,1,0,5,7,9,0,1,12,5,35,13,35,36,8,26,2,4,1,0,18,9,1,8,13,159,53,1,0.10235582750296687,0.0,0.09988452263727082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938725120581057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851682480368517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956888816942136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062395162413365374,0.0,0.08709727034210796,0.0,0.10741612611163713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514763005586378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172279949163253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949109743960084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101031973162456,0.0,0.0,0.10576093124793172,0.0,0.06760505872490957,0.09258670595814854,0.0,0.2934161386251247,0.1839816356356188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526254550201452,0.07312302361978093,0.09827764594006597,0.0,0.18710274401109636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31631943369673626,0.0,0.053476695289313515,0.0,0.11634235112181306,0.08585121187014517,0.0,0.0,0.1127564836925464,0.0,0.0,0.21791936335157366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721390721398846,0.0,0.0,0.2033248638199245,0.0,0.0,0.10957403031550353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195712490165672,0.0,0.0,0.05625208595948741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229694798678561,0.10001177425079703,0.0,0.0903820709308101,0.09058168639007384,0.08595311612860441,0.11450998936911845,0.11173347685971644,0.08701926426399284,0.0,0.0968515588436798,0.13664661932851338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031127278300386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894312420689831,0.0,0.0,0.0960540103376226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178276341711525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748226348495876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466979822639055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787985166650718,0.0,0.1145789688945477,0.0,0.0,0.08174149606228183,0.08557405498304403,0.0,0.1070045347388783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226973697704895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360013273211182,0.06558548131673002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949288806153828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124529160024825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427662606973076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394731129936513,0.0,0.07271064312594898,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9ghost9host9,2019/01/28,"Self fulfilling prophecy of worthlessness I've spent my whole life actively trying not to hurt people. Even to the point of ignoring my own wants and needs. I have always hated myself so deeply that I can't fathom anyone genuinely loving me for any reason, so I don't get attached. I see everyone's kindness as pity. It's easy to isolate myself that way. But at least until now I've managed to not really hurt anyone. Staying on the sidelines will do that I guess. 

Recently I went against my better judgement and made a decision I knew might hurt someone I cared about but thought it would make me happy. I figured they couldn't care all that much about me so if they hated me for it it was all the same. I had never done that before. I listened to some people's advice to go for it, be a little selfish, do what makes me happy. But it blew up, and I'm not happy, and I realized I can never be happy knowing I even might be hurting someone. People keep saying everyone makes mistakes and that you end up hurting people sometimes and that's life - but I guess I'm just not cut out for it. 

I don't have goals, I don't have hobbies, I don't have a dream job or anything to strive for, and I've barely been treading water even before I went and actively ruined my own life. I have been told by 2 people I care about as a result that I am everything terrible I ever thought about myself and then some. I should try and grow from that, but instead I feel like it's just confirmation that I should tap out. I don't have health insurance so I can't even get help and I am too afraid to fail to kill myself and be stuck with the bill. ",3.6544369369369383,4.720980123123128,4.845874624624628,85.03295608108111,72.09309309309309,7.471921921921923,25.88701201201201,7.793537801064563,1.389254354354355,1283,40,259,16,24,424,162,333,0.173,0.6970000000000001,0.13,-0.959,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,2,3,18,29,4,1,8,0,34,6,0,6,5,63,66,27,1,8,13,0,1,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,19,15,1,2,9,1,2,4,14,18,0,0,14,4,45,11,33,41,10,22,0,9,1,1,9,8,0,8,9,189,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002518427106119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814178534666497,0.0,0.0,0.0556902517596934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452339795853045,0.0,0.06739120755629248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937033194258858,0.0,0.0,0.07242796823571078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504870295925389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380527792229461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253315595400907,0.0,0.0,0.2163590073140013,0.07407717768980142,0.0,0.15650511386817395,0.07360041689354738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140771274054013,0.05850458937751345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557173771795047,0.0,0.046541849219668224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804294038054572,0.0,0.0,0.3487077595856989,0.0,0.16170535725816176,0.0,0.08704874764445382,0.0,0.0,0.05489135227900383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383423532498444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126646320428453,0.07279052718085789,0.09060280216526263,0.0852792691325645,0.045006415596279215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353097748833266,0.040008929443917485,0.08207860003260595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391189993922519,0.07748941988756543,0.1639932395686133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375169811682692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020099774366594,0.06072284375905385,0.1263223219520491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838725120065633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741563808487296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246294452445719,0.08419995098227788,0.08085975336996012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512483855363325,0.0,0.0,0.06525835677480504,0.0,0.08543257142685763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877585347322324,0.0,0.08099456700638005,0.0,0.0,0.08728736079546336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002826413566346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825255693408698,0.0,0.11120034920432316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830278970485265,0.06500308915895328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518318177957405,0.0,0.09143094408159373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058174650183746214,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,megachrispercent,2019/01/28,"I truly feel my time on this Earth is coming closer to an end. (I posted this on Tumblr as well, but I thought of you guys on this Reddit page as well, because I don't think they can relate to these feelings like you can)

Here I am, a 30 year old guy, and...I really have no desire to live anymore.  I have nothing left.

No one cares about me.  The ones that claim they do only conveniently say it when I become down like this, as if it’s supposed to make me feel better about myself.  It seems interesting that the moment you talk about wanting to end your life, people suddenly pop up and say ""hey, I care!  Talk to me if you need to!""  People I've never spoken to before say these things, and all it does is make me think that they're doing it out of convenience.  They never took the time to get to know me before or even talk to me.  Heck, those that have ""talked me out of it"" before only talked to me then, and never cared to get to know me or talk to me after.

It’s a “great” feeling to grow up always second place to your younger sibling, and to literally be reminded how disappointing you are in some way, shape, or form almost *daily* by those that raised you.  You get told that since your younger sibling has a grandchild, that’s all they needed by at least one of us, and that you won’t get the same help that she got because you’re a male…actual words spoken.  Even nicer to get called a “worthless piece of sh\*t” behind your back, you hear it, yet they tell you to your face that they “love” you.

It sure is awesome to see your friends around you pass you up in life, and they tell you “it’s not a race,” but yet they were brought up by those that actually loved them and didn’t emotionally hold them back from doing what they dreamed of doing.  They tell you “you just need to have more confidence” and “self esteem” but they will never understand what you went through, or they just don’t care.  

It’s the best feeling in the world when almost every one of your significant others cheat on you or leave you for someone else, and then anytime you vent about it, it’s “your fault somehow if the pattern stays the same,” not the fact that they changed who they were.  It’s always nice to be reminded that someone will always replace you eventually.

It’s just amazing how I do and deal with so much and have accomplished so little despite how hard I’ve tried.  I’m never good enough for anything or anyone.  I see myself as a decent person, but I’m not good enough for anything or anyone with how today’s society functions.

It’s just a “wonderful” feeling when I meet someone that I connect with so well, better than anyone I’ve ever dated, she says she has feelings for me, she tells me she wants me, she says she misses me every day…but then tells me she’s been seeing someone else the entire time and that she can’t give me what I want when I tell her how I feel.  Suddenly, when I say how I feel, it's a turn-off and she asks ""where do we go from here?""  I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore after you emotionally used me just like every other woman you said you're not like.  Leave me alone.

For about 9 years now, I’ve felt useless, worthless, and suicidal every single day.  Every.  Day.  Heck, the suicidal thoughts came in probably well before that.  I was miserable as a teenager as well, and was extremely anti-social for a few years.  This is a result of being completely and totally used and abused my entire life, and I hope anyone reads this never do this to their children or significant others, because I’d not wish this pain on anyone.

I’m removing my social media apps and leaving my phone behind as I leave to see what happens to me.  Part of me wants to end it quickly, part of me wants to let it end slowly but surely, but either way, I’ve decided.  I want it to end.  I've been through a lot in my life, and I think I've experienced all I need to.

I've been homeless for 2 1/2 years now, with only the recent luck of having a place to crash at, and before this, having an extremely well-paying job that paid for my housing and a rental car as well (I own a truck that I love, but the job sent me out of state and now I'm on standby for about a month between projects).  No matter how much money I make, how physically active I am, how much I keep myself occupied with hobbies, I continually feel like I'm a disappointment.  Every day feels worse than the previous, and I just want an end to it all.  God forgive me.",5.341705741422093,5.117712017797555,5.945158509454952,83.23137171643708,67.86540600667408,8.606152134850689,27.63328912466844,8.012643519586192,1.5418042953709254,3460,93,724,38,52,1127,342,899,0.086,0.737,0.17800000000000002,0.998,3,3,0,0,1,2,108.0,2,32,17,4,51,43,1,1,35,0,46,9,1,15,15,148,125,70,2,18,30,0,13,5,1,3,5,8,0,6,62,37,0,2,24,2,2,11,20,10,6,5,20,26,125,33,111,98,26,96,0,7,4,3,105,30,2,20,55,512,187,5,0.0,0.050585737070266215,0.041663455830375534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550430289422806,0.044218395266004205,0.0,0.0,0.1065751764100575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468250138940284,0.1492641565721631,0.0,0.10540125705922944,0.038006958426521215,0.039913385884644485,0.0,0.0,0.06565852762325339,0.0,0.07807810533405937,0.04715247485598286,0.1816484266047168,0.0,0.04480500990102667,0.07551923735167886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359563053457108,0.048830879239432363,0.17411864414727646,0.0,0.04516488422573388,0.036777339404057634,0.04476413735878584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013710715600708,0.04401592510086057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373620496953878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133118039269046,0.09605063073023656,0.2268867436346108,0.08822920250876587,0.0,0.05639833487163722,0.03861941802711196,0.2158306196151827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374626031281718,0.061001600334614006,0.040993201475334216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03298549266229308,0.0,0.1115299884964061,0.04095624104152072,0.02426414162666785,0.07161986820971881,0.0341465136787807,0.04707059134461189,0.0,0.08454809363900112,0.03775440833401829,0.0,0.0382456863666794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048119553337694236,0.0,0.028617074055025275,0.0,0.0,0.04240505064904623,0.0,0.04926346365334212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473496458554372,0.03794863526500725,0.0,0.0,0.04692731640217265,0.0,0.0,0.18082829998039807,0.04638745710703205,0.04365779106980367,0.1206249224439684,0.10429133636017304,0.042790881950349205,0.03769982896908367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03629714771947879,0.11559975622521562,0.0,0.08549628468624197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034078164739358666,0.0,0.09415561864063604,0.12662906228668408,0.19757075160383375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04096631045101442,0.0,0.044800461978150456,0.0,0.11572298868781228,0.09741276508091093,0.045429721118467895,0.0,0.0,0.09246748337619476,0.0,0.059197672208816665,0.037278996061997305,0.08921286533497531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088931577590885,0.0,0.04603165189895343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270583088462178,0.0,0.027351047228168602,0.0,0.042155448065802736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04061203451483656,0.203713217146274,0.0,0.0,0.1360872451486814,0.038867266484222514,0.04453944240263833,0.0,0.0,0.03531714729600893,0.0,0.0,0.04352143899529344,0.1446988901168546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045506418848182496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340121940543844,0.0,0.08047770200291478,0.0,0.0,0.20589625673042394,0.223900080631473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028364180676384094,0.08207030674441723,0.0,0.0677889742104236,0.0746861291328227,0.0,0.040469182681309813,0.0407962114942177,0.047434912903017885,0.028986611697504144,0.04643911363074784,0.0,0.044446248266905686,0.05135595867216187,0.07374829505585978,0.0,0.0,0.20145752693752605,0.06777745998357232,0.0,0.0,0.2687109780987895,0.03957802270642715,0.0,0.0,0.049096311761069295,0.0,0.04630012241491626,0.0,0.0,0.043509115947944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997485893744256
suicidewatch,Shep432,2019/01/28,Not seeing a point For the last 3 months it’s seems I’ve been completely obsessed with just ending it all. Life just continually shits on me and I just don’t see a future anymore my life is completely turned around I have two plans to go through with it. I just hate everything ,1.3258928571428577,3.9151926607142897,2.4907142857142865,91.45428571428572,86.67857142857143,6.057142857142857,20.5,7.447530270364453,0.7215285714285713,223,7,47,4,7,71,44,56,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.8313,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,1,3,0,4,3,1,0,1,11,10,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,2,5,0,7,9,1,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,5,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227974515780804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999063184788354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710931095323875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897770082075206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190548088397964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767664701571324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180035994868985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312385712113052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173610235453305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931752449006513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237164536817668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35804199113090834,0.20451752795234654,0.0,0.0,0.23060518933703605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436019250064994,0.2194553486564293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotAround13,2019/01/28,"Desperate times call for desperate measures. What is too desperate? I'm someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation most of my life. I've attempted before and am thinking about it again with more certainty. But I'm not sure what to do. I am stuck in my life, with being homeless coming up soon. I'm a month behind on my rent and I'm getting laid off, so eviction isn't far. I have been fighting for so long. My friends have been there for me but can barely support themselves now. 

I'm thinking about leaving the country and fucking off to Thailand or some other cheap country that isn't hostile to FtM transsexuals. No plan, no job set up, and no money. I don't even have enough for a plane ticket but it somehow seems like a weird glimmer of hope. Is this a disguised suicide plan or something like hope? I'm not sure anymore. All I know is that I can't keep trying what I've been doing. All it has gotten me is a string of temporary employment and false hope. Sadly, suicide seems like the safer option - at least I know the outcome of that as long as I don't fuck it up and survive again.

Being homeless is not an option. If it comes to that, I will move my belongings to a dumpster and kill myself if I see no way off the street. I grew up homeless and I still have what is probably PTSD from it. I'm not scared of being outside - it's the loss of being treated as a person.",2.7050476190476154,4.510564457142864,3.8364285714285735,88.33690476190478,75.85714285714286,6.238095238095237,27.380952380952376,6.996647511020387,1.3163809523809529,1088,44,219,11,24,353,144,280,0.197,0.6709999999999999,0.132,-0.9483,5,0,1,0,2,3,29.0,0,0,0,5,13,21,5,2,13,0,30,4,0,0,4,43,56,20,4,5,11,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,18,13,0,1,6,1,3,4,13,10,0,0,5,1,19,11,35,46,7,27,0,2,1,2,5,12,2,14,12,156,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326730148309033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576594219034098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269191543537206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141383785166848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843002422955901,0.0,0.0820957155693605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603005584055567,0.22981756215491894,0.06493903930954267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703591233370786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334366905028968,0.1104791612749612,0.13751406920723286,0.0,0.13661862991361445,0.0,0.0,0.13161052286268327,0.0,0.0,0.1755865549235625,0.18217286533001625,0.0,0.0,0.21999443538483404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992111318866313,0.13210597928446166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852965302548824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134011098380309,0.0,0.14529427489676144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444103956048615,0.0,0.09904707112161996,0.226307110769112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531480187555578,0.09568841050410463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992621963135802,0.0,0.0,0.1299401851612911,0.0,0.4078758686542254,0.14104856231724303,0.2342932481373541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928651261341173,0.0,0.0,0.07247744965307754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438818751134937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865963400318983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrAlphaNu,2019/01/28,"My (21M) ex-girlfriend (19F) committed suicide... I'm a firefighter and had find her body. A lesson and story:  **The reason im telling you this story is so you can learn about what happens when you leave: If you're going through a lot  you need to understand that it if you choose to take your life then it will hurt more people than you think. It affected my life a lot. But most importantly, i need you all to understand that there are bad situations in life that make you feel low, but there are people out there who are willing to help you.** 

I know its a roller-coaster of a story and its almost unbelievably bad so i know people may feel its fake. But a 30 second google search with the info in this story finds news articles about it online.

When I was 16 years old (a junior in high school) I was a huge nerd. The only thing I would do is play WoW and run track. That year I made a friend on the track team named Erik who would invite me to parties. I was hesitant and kind of awkward but I started to hang out with his friends and go to his parties. That got me out of my shell a lot, I finally had a life, but retained to my awkward self.

In his friend group I met a girl named Lydia, she was kind, a great artist, and extremely empathetic. She worked at Rite Aid (a drug store) and when she found out one of her co-workers couldnt afford school supplies for her son Lydia took half of her pay and gave it to her to help her co-workers son out. Lydia saw the best in me. Behind my awkward and nerdy exterior she saw someone who wanted to be accepted. She liked me a lot and wanted to be with me. During this time junior prom was approaching and so i asked her to be my date and she said yes and we ended up dating not long after. It was great for a while, to have someone interested in me was a new feeling. But not long after problems arose...

She had a lot of mental health issues relating to depression and she would take issues she had and put it on me. We were on and off because of it due to her not trusting me or her feeling like i dont have time for her. I was a good student and would focus on school and it didnt go well with her. The worst story i have is one time we broke up and i was going to a party with a different group of friends, she messaged me that day asking to talk about things and i invited her to the party. She then got with someone else there right in front of me. It was devastating and really starting to affect my mental health too. There was one point where she ended up going to the hospital for suicidal thoughts and i was there for her and that made her fall in love with me. Before she treated me as disposable and just like all the other guys but this was concrete how i care. She from then on treated me better but the sediment of mental abuse stuck with me.

Senior year i joined my local fire department and ended up going to fire school. I was back to having no life because fire school was Tuesday nights and Saturday for 7 months. On Friday I'd go to bed early cause i would need to be up at 6am for a fire school and i would get back at 5pm and fall asleep cause i was physically exhausted. The arguments started again because of how busy i was and i broke it off....

Lets fast forward to my sophomore year of college. I'm going to school in NH (I live in NJ) and she messaged me on facebook telling me her one regret is how bad she treated me and apologized. I forgave her because i understand her mental health issues and it taught me about red flags in relationships. From then on she would message me randomly about little things, such as how i was doing, what video games im playing etc. every conversation always ended i her trying to meet up again and i didnt want to. I didnt trust the situation.. The last text i got was this January when me and her talked about Fallout 4 and how she wouldnt play it because she didnt want to see Dogmeat get hurt because she loved dogs. i told her ""You will protect him with your life until you find out hes immortal"" and thats the last thing i ever got to say to her..

February 15th 2018: I wake up for my 9:40am class, while getting ready i get a fire call (I get text messages from dispatch in case your pager is broken) at 9:10am. It stated: MISSING PERSON 19 Y/O FEMALE \[Lydia's address\]. My heart sank, i called my fire chief and he told me to contact her friends to see where she might be, but he also told me she might not be alive. I go into a conference room at my university and start calling and messaging all of her friends. They gave me a rundown of the past 6 months:

She started dating a guy named Jim who was a heroin addict. He abused her mentally and physically and gave her drugs she has never done before. He also stole thousands from her. She was saving up for a trip to India to see her friend who is studying abroad there and he just took all of it. She stayed with him because she was ""just lonely and he gave her attention"" It made me sick. She got out of the hospital for suicidal thoughts. Before she went missing she was at his place. Dispatch got Jims address and phone number and he played dumb about everything during the interrogation.

Once i was done with the interviews i started driving all the way home to NJ from NH to help with the search. While stuck in CT traffic i get a call from my chief

""You don't have to come home anymore, we found her""

""thats great news.""

""Its not MrAlphaNu, Im really sorry to tell you this, but she hung herself"" (he was a lot nicer than this, im just paraphrasing)

I was distraught, and even worse than that i got calls from her friends not too long after asking for updates. I had to tell her best friends that she hung herself in the woods. It was heartbreaking to me to have to mourn and tell her friends what happened.

That night i drank at my firehouse bar and got hammered because i didnt know how else to cope with what happened that day. My fire dept buddies were there taking care of me and they had one job: dont let me see dispatch notes because it contained texts, where the body was found, and Jims address and number. But i snuck away and read everything. The last text she sent was ""This is not your fault"" to Jim. who didnt respond. he didnt fucking respond when lydia was suicidal and basically said she will kill herself.

If you're still reading, this story gets worse, im sorry. I go to Lydias family and it turns out Lydia left me a suicide note. it stated that she always loved and missed me and to live a good life.

I was a mess. I cant believe i didnt meet up with someone who cared so much about me. I cant believe Jim and how fucked up he is. I should have messaged her stating shes better than him and to leave that scumbag..

​

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suicidewatch,bitchy-hag,2019/01/28,"really wish something would just fucking kill me already so i dont have to do it myself i dont care what it is. murder, car accident, disease, spontaneous combustion, whatever. 

i just want something to happen that ends in my death so i dont have to hurt my loved ones by committing suicide.

obviously me dying would hurt them regardless, but i feel like it happening in a non-self-inflicted way would hurt them less.",4.006781193490056,6.287798177215192,5.241808318264013,77.58253164556963,73.55696202531647,9.577576853526224,30.273056057866178,9.957137785484203,3.4818448462929483,332,15,59,10,7,110,54,79,0.173,0.625,0.202,0.1346,0,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,2,0,4,9,3,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,2,12,18,3,5,6,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,1,12,3,6,15,1,5,0,3,0,2,3,2,1,0,2,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237439892834601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500206532795568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270973548528685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173465284018292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032377115512575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439920693202738,0.10511797835453536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603002514018325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26023363690619056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725543328247349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627903639390198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188594645346434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280102604976649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970694664796424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426266769178833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350076446263236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265535629992136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094901290937108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678791966036659,0.11679414199623595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692055621058571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135754827371599,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foggywinter,2019/01/28,An easy way to off yourself? Does anyone have any good ideas for an easy/painless way to kill yourself? ,2.8810000000000002,5.347857099999999,2.4700000000000024,95.165,78.0,4.0,25.0,3.1291,0.12650000000000006,82,3,16,0,2,24,15,20,0.175,0.596,0.229,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493254659838127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563608410792487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208461664312441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30751739188222155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138881033351192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056290850824063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5820381478926385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yelloplll,2019/01/28,"Life sux I used to think that enough negative things would add up and push me to suicide.

Then I realized that one day I’ll just know it’s time.",3.6406451612903226,3.9130170967741975,4.158225806451615,92.85733870967744,71.58064516129029,8.780645161290323,25.177419354838708,8.841846274778883,1.2666,114,3,28,2,2,36,27,31,0.308,0.6920000000000001,0.0,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552716809576319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089887126245546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175327689303649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795799482370583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26821842892545644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329637285160606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629657621201334,0.2536259964249866,0.0,0.0,0.2308063009856597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418620977578844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811797511169027,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LasCoL,2019/01/28,"Anyone else put a ""time limit"" or ""goal"" on something to attain, but if you dont reach it youre going to just end it? I come to realize im only really living on they hope I can make a very unrealistic and almost luck based dream happen. Id rather put my everything for the most part into it : time, money, passion and energy into chasing the dream than grind out everyday for the sake of just continuing to live. I wish I could just tell my family members there is almost no way im going to make it out of my 20's alive, without all the drama, and they would just accept that I have accepted that, and its not even something to be sad about anymore. 50 odd years of just existing to exist for others isnt what im here for. Ive got probably 2 strong years of going for ""it"" in me, by then life will have picked out for me what ill be and if I still hate myself ill be taking the easy way out.",6.351252955082742,4.425639468085109,7.62049645390071,77.63277777777779,66.55319148936171,10.695981087470447,28.867612293144212,9.444778638647367,2.1756009456264778,692,15,150,11,9,240,116,188,0.108,0.7070000000000001,0.185,0.9481,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,2,4,11,8,1,0,7,0,13,4,0,3,1,40,25,10,0,7,12,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,12,0,1,3,3,1,6,5,2,0,0,1,0,17,6,30,18,3,26,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,8,9,102,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681699217570977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327962395055352,0.09362840426548462,0.13719990647338115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534596384723148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691100742084847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569338438180243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185914870513793,0.0,0.11859871029625794,0.0,0.0,0.08844196454339208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034378493576588,0.0,0.12623225369110394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22830124594697684,0.0,0.10709481969397393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841037686072588,0.0,0.0,0.13220193280279846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299633737412928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339161054243533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457996533160036,0.0,0.0,0.23647839565224035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876318266067656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018396061392986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500438540937918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443705646412047,0.0,0.0,0.26921989928023826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578197759504554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617083243199244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693546655851713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067872842095307,0.0,0.11703751560243247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616035472636294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048436811963072,0.0,0.2125726486908341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539823568857703,0.12907814553512342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512116759545078,0.0,0.0,0.17245886065514412
suicidewatch,BlackSabbathFanatic1,2019/01/28,"I plan to hang myself later this year, either at age 19 or 20. I am a 19 year old male, depressed as fuck, and it's going to be cold in Manitoba. Low temperature will be -40 in my city tomorrow night. I have been depressed since I was 11. Being yelled at by family members has only made my depression worse. I fucking cannot take life anymore. So in July at the earliest and November at the latest, I will end my own life by hanging myself.",2.896571428571427,4.241396911111114,5.2887301587301625,80.04500000000002,74.33333333333333,8.253968253968255,26.190476190476193,8.841846274778883,2.0383809523809524,342,12,68,7,7,121,67,90,0.202,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,3,0,11,4,0,1,0,5,16,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,3,2,11,0,12,8,2,20,0,4,0,2,1,8,2,1,9,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092012182373273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450610589137023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683506978613532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988606104461382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900313659558536,0.0,0.0,0.11988516882467007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29799404022115017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960169913963616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795802877587634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135178034778716,0.0,0.0,0.16043353146504444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744962682436015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860473696147473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497145009649074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27168392628598337
suicidewatch,anonymus-account,2019/01/28,"Does a person in suicide watch have access to the internet? I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this. I know someone online who is currently in the hospital because of a suicide attempt. I assumed someone in suicide watch wouldn’t have access to the internet, but he does. Did I assume wrong?

I can’t just ask him because he will get offended.",3.3106190476190456,5.266545300000004,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,74.57142857142857,7.523809523809526,31.666666666666664,8.344100000000001,2.6693809523809526,281,14,51,5,6,94,42,70,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.9356,1,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,8,14,2,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,7,11,0,6,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,3,1,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601947477307333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486960435926305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371704446129376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064923128040054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117456652514139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821046729804046,0.201273362378597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451805513439602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264555177878877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321681545393733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062742114891206,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,topurdue,2019/01/28,"People that want to kill someone...... So, there should be a group with people who want to kill, and people who want to die.  It would be so much easier.  So, if anyone wants to kill someone then I will be a volunteer.  I don't understand how they want to kill someone, and they don't understand why someone would want to die... Sounds like a perfect match.. ",2.818695652173915,4.719716884057976,3.602246376811596,89.71902173913048,75.81159420289855,6.918840579710146,23.09420289855073,7.793537801064563,1.0193942028985503,271,8,56,4,6,86,37,69,0.259,0.56,0.18,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,1,5,6,4,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,1,17,17,8,6,10,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,4,2,7,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977329186709702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664971550325913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681781677979367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272488180204858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438144235101284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26702843605083226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351378118371376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673170913697112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543665852183965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585202928188035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824091825184169,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redcorsair1,2019/01/28,"I’d be ok with dying I’m sure everyone on this sub feels the exact same way but I just need to get it off my chest I guess. I don’t want to kill myself, it would hurt too many people and frankly I’m just too scared to actually do it, but I’m perfectly fine with an accident happening to me like dying in a car crash or even being murdered. I’m too young too feel this, I don’t know why this is happening, I need help ",-0.3203225806451613,1.5656344408602187,2.374634408602152,94.60195161290324,86.31182795698925,6.300645161290323,17.902150537634412,7.554174236665415,0.23114279569892515,325,8,80,6,10,113,62,93,0.25,0.581,0.16899999999999998,-0.936,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,1,3,1,7,1,1,0,3,20,21,4,4,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,8,5,9,18,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.20129375865705085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42815988258784937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624209252505193,0.0,0.0,0.19710373484313626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859675778637612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776969956031064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723416817888376,0.0,0.36481499712210136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826117597531246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208206820340669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821172104406995,0.0,0.11336284657638852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077510217479604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912955355973945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058992514528852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300448324755946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651635116560166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944108908080317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166580399651873,0.163730773172857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613028438831836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653119685363936,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,See_The_Stars,2019/01/28,"I wish i could die I really want to die when i ask for help ppl say i'm attention seeker and when i dont ask for help ppl think i'm ok and keeps bullying me
I wanted to die since i was 12 but 2 years later,i still want to die what should i do?",-2.2874092009685216,-0.6750213389830488,1.2971428571428592,100.77491525423729,92.89830508474577,5.405326876513318,11.818401937046005,6.868970318607317,-0.9796411622276032,187,2,53,3,7,68,35,59,0.25,0.579,0.171,-0.8322,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,12,15,5,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,1,5,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256189292353446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904692997467286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7229729134374644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410591685964954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334620530209345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479511080126393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156681542429517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849338629979233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440610891720619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907874117994254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115901545802564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081597004701633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002672550914109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214876606031976
suicidewatch,bingpop566,2019/01/28,"can't shake this feeling I'm still in love with my ex. I'm more concerned about who she talks to, which I believe is making my depression worse. I have unusual thoughts of suicide and I can't shake the feeling off. ",2.3747727272727275,4.360682386363642,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,77.4090909090909,6.218181818181819,29.181818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.526472727272728,171,8,36,2,4,54,34,44,0.223,0.5710000000000001,0.206,-0.5878,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,11,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,2,6,1,6,10,1,5,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877413577648836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964175410883211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480270988259277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106105409123023,0.0,0.22972407641282874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748401647956798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37644633815062895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766162739576139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273218179280168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35072020427649714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skoggangr,2019/01/28,"On suicide-watch for my best friend - What to do? Greetings  


I don't know if this is the best place to look, but this isn't about me though

My best friend is currently going through some very difficult times, and has chosen to have himself institutionalized for a time. Of course, I want to help him, be there for him and offer my support in any way that I can, but myself being an aspie and having other associated mental problems, I have a hard time reading other peoples intentions and emotions.  


I guess what I'm trying to ask is; What can I do for him? How can I best support my friend?   


Thanks in advance",4.9266596638655455,5.828360184873954,5.580997899159668,81.54359768907563,69.0,7.6306722689075634,28.320378151260506,7.6454224807358475,1.6134445378151256,478,16,93,5,8,155,74,119,0.061,0.622,0.317,0.9899,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,5,4,12,0,0,4,0,16,0,0,2,0,14,26,9,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,17,10,15,24,5,11,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,3,4,75,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022400567785113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377811637427915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6186682757020362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578357594729276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415981479578149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375991152953982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623565796531155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202425850246402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878625124940706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099663962241077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376276279791194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852519358772834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217529767291646,0.0,0.15398157954084735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102353232808748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742069477372394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344919965452061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568844993106907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480089893972922,0.0,0.2578168090551201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000618966325038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160460439948716,0.08692902108837319,0.11698402810346108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iLL-Tempered____,2019/01/28,"Rough night for me, I need help. I’ve been suicidal since year 5 which is about 10-11 yrs old, I remember sitting in a bathroom at that age with electrical cord wrapped around my neck thinking I could kill my self that way. 
(I’ve been drinking so bare with me❤️)

(A bit of back story) I’ve tried a few more times since then, nearly successful once. First time I’ve actually thought about it in about 5 years, been depressed all throughout tho. I’m 19 now and I have a girlfriend who care for dearly and a dog who I love to bits. 

I’m live with my mum and Dad right now but my urge to end it is stronger then it has been in a while, I absolutely hate my life and the way it’s going right.

This time last year I was working in an okay job living away from home, my girlfriend was there and we lived with my older sister, couple months down the line my sister decided she didn’t like it so I ended up back home with my parents.

Since then I haven’t been able to recover from the deep depression I fell into, I sit at home doing fuck all and I hate, I feel like such a dumb cunt but can’t find the care or motivation to get out of this slump. I hate what am and what I’ve became and wish I would just go back to the way I used to be

Tonight was a really bad night for me and I’m the most ready to end it for the first time in a while. 

Any advance is welcomed because I really don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I dealt with these feelings for years and can’t remember a happy stretch that lasted for longer 4 months.

Please someone help me ",1.8747655812912605,3.2267597371601227,3.1300839207787874,94.45650441982772,77.00604229607251,6.474700682555668,21.62481817164597,7.0931098945946705,0.3141137070605349,1207,31,287,13,27,391,176,331,0.136,0.726,0.138,-0.8161,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,6,15,20,7,0,21,1,23,5,1,2,2,41,44,21,2,4,4,5,3,2,2,1,1,0,3,1,17,20,1,0,9,1,0,4,5,10,0,2,10,5,32,10,42,31,7,62,0,2,1,2,16,19,3,2,36,171,49,4,0.08655774044565658,0.0,0.08446786857079132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058862231694440985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705474030328383,0.0,0.0,0.08132384645527263,0.19967267853675724,0.07227209775288944,0.052764795175771685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899726861686025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650277031068792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910931247841383,0.09577449344858356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910411002308893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479363276079357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066578653454024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753238867684902,0.061836867069431374,0.0,0.0,0.07911220664164513,0.14725193961006655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002123626916191,0.045222846843866266,0.0,0.09838551723835594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214232423904486,0.0,0.25637354575719395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603565772372415,0.0,0.2604734134612971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858952013138591,0.0,0.09576331520693866,0.0,0.0,0.14111222234186566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113829189326745,0.08457547956279445,0.0,0.2292962118744988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812174019202106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381791252294194,0.0,0.0,0.0641814677713076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245715165220764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082778801853984,0.09218116863557677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611212734693783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501440620771212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090220993420788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610609300371276,0.1478396747942639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897531246675433,0.0,0.09029860082656696,0.0,0.0,0.21480437207896916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334009258912022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094680119157786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554627050292024,0.0,0.06871717732042022,0.2018900581310885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058767023963294536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475809639339458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061165163037384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953712975775532,0.0,0.0,0.0630150659421512,0.0,0.0,0.06148813534969689,0.0,0.0,0.22296138776002933
suicidewatch,cateanne,2019/01/28,"seven years ago i realised i was raped. it happened the day after my high school graduation, with my high school boyfriend who I’d been with for a few months, but had been friends with for years. 

November 18th 2011 will forever be engraved into my brain. But I didn’t realise it then. I was his girlfriend, it was the day after graduation, it’s what we were meant to do, right?

It couldn’t have been rape, because I didn’t say no, right?

It couldn’t have been rape, because I didn’t tell him I didn’t want to do it, that I was scared, that it hurt so much I wanted to curl up and die right on my bed, right? 

I can’t pinpoint the moment I realised that it was. I can’t remember the day I realised that I lost my virginity when I didn’t want to. 

But I can remember crying as I threw out the blood stained sheets and clothes. I can remember isolating myself and flinching whenever someone touched me. I can remember feeling sick and disgusting and empty. I can remember blaming myself. I can remember telling myself that it was my fault because I didn’t say no, I didn’t stop him, I didn’t yell out to my brother in the next room for help, 

Even now, writing this, maybe it wasn’t rape. Maybe I’m just overreacting and everyone has a bad first time. Everyone has sex sometimes when they don’t want to. Everyone bleeds. It hurts for everyone. Right? 

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know why I chose tonight to write it. I never told anyone. I feel helpless and hopeless. Seven years ago I read online that your body completely sheds all its cells and skin etc every seven years and I told myself that to get through it. Told myself in seven years I’d be okay. But so much has happened in seven years. 

But I’m not. I don’t want to keep going. I’m sorry. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. ",1.8682818532818501,3.886856445945949,3.2031274131274152,90.92662162162165,79.13513513513513,6.390733590733591,24.08494208494209,7.447530270364453,1.0044888030888035,1415,50,304,20,35,460,159,370,0.233,0.721,0.046,-0.9978,0,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,1,1,1,2,8,15,5,1,8,1,46,12,4,1,2,51,73,21,1,7,7,1,4,0,2,1,2,3,2,0,26,16,0,3,12,1,0,3,22,13,0,6,27,7,53,2,28,41,6,44,0,5,0,6,22,16,0,0,25,200,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057391378750385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149832542427653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149531007666317,0.13469046318097114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180939347368595,0.0,0.08221860843021682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722142294507454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090190394814199,0.14249594600930734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643786325018526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214006859823204,0.04864563384315793,0.0,0.06205394371919151,0.2815058382205934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448007669347921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264730073750414,0.0,0.0,0.056902396208617034,0.0,0.03847948344770192,0.0,0.08371485092784234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025825162830082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936655343856191,0.1556321480296709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768932852011813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092836305544658,0.0,0.0,0.12142959838111125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803985072397849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798418001230082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878733575133769,0.0,0.16242535383688475,0.0,0.056804008265564136,0.0,0.07832842119275737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367069318303188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005917375646172,0.31448674266352084,0.0,0.11714008451802707,0.07373726148238377,0.14907700682842376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062404051840861674,0.0,0.07284248710125253,0.08244599845184447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157533509612365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874802497439986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294635174634349,0.0,0.0,0.21112937866544504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720563897533304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291671455812495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845720568878458
suicidewatch,SanseiSans,2019/01/28,"Passive Suicide I want to die, but I don't want to attempt suicide again. I'll end up vomiting all over the place again or end up being in pain again, so I'm just waiting to die. I'm going to slowly wind down on eating, moving, and whatnot. I'm just going to smoke and vape until I eventually die from something. I've also come down with a respiratory infection, so there's that. I'm just really bored and tired of living life. Nothing's interesting. Nothing's exciting. Nothing makes me happy. Family's getting on my goddamn nerves with bullshit. I don't want any more friends or romantic partners. I just want to quit being present.",2.9565053763440865,5.329496370967746,4.712580645161292,79.68053763440861,77.2258064516129,7.036559139784948,28.88172043010753,8.07648339933343,2.2895075268817204,506,23,90,9,12,171,77,124,0.311,0.541,0.14800000000000002,-0.9856,0,0,2,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,1,1,20,18,10,5,4,7,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,19,16,2,20,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,7,52,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655127416360772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911079023694704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554538938995455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537772020400227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913230512302325,0.0,0.0,0.2581715175575689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739429551441176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260130796873738,0.0,0.07614512665314561,0.0,0.16565913457007328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514699845237434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294316489279716,0.0,0.0,0.12869445654723202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728512653224007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490260760255775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195353563456739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508169215377854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227126402511507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501648450521813,0.0,0.0,0.09336721824158427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220070722546928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31884015129323395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751107263485604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438539067091746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EE10101,2019/01/28,"I want to die and have suicidal thoughts I’m having a rough time and all of a sudden I’m having suicidal thoughts. I had some in the past but I actually got sad when i thought about killing myself but now I don’t feel anything.
Worst part is I’m having an existential crisis and i think to myself ‘why am i doing this I’m gonna die anyway.’ I have lots of friends who care about me and have everything i want but i still think about killing myself.",0.630493230174082,2.9426749893617057,2.4299613152804653,92.86136363636363,86.34042553191489,5.545841392649903,21.31141199226305,6.980632752743323,0.5253957446808504,355,12,78,5,11,117,56,94,0.35600000000000004,0.5479999999999999,0.096,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,1,18,26,8,6,2,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,2,14,2,8,20,5,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.17180039328334973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487498339918548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949574120935372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36542631379877016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582232988883457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901668204821854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601657613566034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408040778747116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38954872410166497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967227583468773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906460913207529,0.1680606127494881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059456660835384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851424685539371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256127613446213,0.0,0.4192945183318697,0.10265676159997604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767889789716246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885865648887434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chillcelestial,2019/01/28,i’m done i’m done. i’m so anxious every minute of every day. It creeps down my spine and festers into my organs until i can’t stand anymore. i’m so tired of being sick and sad and anxious. will it ever end? It’s all circles. I want to die. ,-1.4367460317460292,0.5077418333333341,1.840793650793653,95.605,93.62962962962965,3.085714285714286,16.973544973544975,3.1291,-0.927578835978836,185,5,42,0,7,66,36,54,0.324,0.655,0.022,-0.9582,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,7,10,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343121242890531,0.23452547052492845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251059223700128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454297989541801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840040518858655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945185224706767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391047821222625,0.39849065067313394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717999628091435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948253925138607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OliviaHamiltonx,2019/01/28,"Want to die :( Hi there I’m a 17 year old girl and I want to end my life I was diagnosed with depression at 15 I’ve had Suicidal thoughts and been in a horrible mental state since I was around 10 I missed most of my childhood, I’m just so trapped I was discharged from the child mental health services because I’m turning 18 and it’s made me feel worse I have nobody to turn to my mum has bipolar so I really don’t want to put any more stress on her she knows I’m depressed and helps me I promised her I wouldn’t end my life on my 18th birthday 😔I’m not mentally 17 I’m mentally around 13-14
 So it makes it worse if I ever got sent to adult mental health hospital I only look about 14. I’m just so stuck I constantly getting picked at for being “to thin” people constantly want to argue with me and fight me even when they don’t know me. I’m constantly wishing that I’d just get hit by a car or something would happen to me. I just give up with everything 😔I’m also petrified of turning 18. I’m only living to keep my mums health stable and to be with my cats :// I just give up",0.0853158756137482,2.1432145872340485,2.3460638297872367,94.34096153846157,86.10638297872343,5.828150572831425,20.5278232405892,7.1686216300943375,0.4695073649754504,848,27,196,13,26,287,129,235,0.202,0.738,0.06,-0.9901,0,1,1,0,1,3,11.0,0,0,1,0,17,7,2,1,4,0,13,7,0,3,1,37,47,14,2,8,8,2,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,4,12,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,10,3,31,1,30,32,2,24,0,3,1,0,16,10,0,3,10,107,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729240845780155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572653741061837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208118433224706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058918039364985526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31333877446712466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664921050969096,0.09809954112122073,0.10030930764338004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120961165314152,0.0,0.0,0.0638376014608012,0.08742708529512604,0.0,0.0,0.08686440447899102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887005345698643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099315127322132,0.1854344245369533,0.0,0.0,0.07730127268697212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546886634511182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082090269562199,0.0,0.0,0.06478366329987731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590855951838185,0.0,0.0,0.10623460174578206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653604743374526,0.0,0.0,0.08534530894737623,0.0,0.08116316848505409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145426882148512,0.06451582610966157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870114014471344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141980409635176,0.0,0.0,0.14701609633412968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700618758469881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716175304505356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191761712331888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799513666120257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440727657727338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107143087965499,0.0,0.0,0.1057213804969228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673073201417953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153882079922989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22803094001245056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114479853108483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699288002869425,0.06865866468247911,0.0,0.0,0.06224058947427294
suicidewatch,Onlythevoicesinside,2019/01/28,My fantasy I’ve had a fantasy now for a very long time. I’m sitting on a park bench. God himself sits down next to me. He tells me he sees that this life is more of a burden than anything else to me. He says if I choose he will erase my existence from time. No one will be hurt. I just will never have existed. I thank him for his great mercy and accept. ,0.02042207792207762,1.8955756363636385,2.262451298701301,95.98510551948051,84.84415584415585,5.927922077922077,18.715909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.11572857142857185,272,7,66,4,8,92,58,77,0.132,0.73,0.13699999999999998,0.1057,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,1,6,10,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,11,3,9,5,1,10,0,1,1,0,9,2,0,1,6,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363414177481275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399190404462973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166394007913071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074539156746287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028581013754788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25416327289276497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150661596651444,0.0,0.3054408314162157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461439058425226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22839324642649825,0.0,0.0,0.2288614957253491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510257655685556,0.26441549653948626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349376684464391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369703675597501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PurpIeGiraffe,2019/01/28,Googled reasons not to kill myself Suggested search was ‘safety razor’. Guess the world is trying to tell me something. ,6.177999999999997,9.463752799999998,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,71.0,6.0,30.0,7.1686216300943375,2.233,96,4,13,1,2,28,19,20,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.5773,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779573448345156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800134993979963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460912041817509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340147596729789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792219994025002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29456963515589524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BabyBulla,2019/01/28,"In US do they really sometimes hospitalize you for few days when you complain about suicide? They do that in Scandinavia, but here human life is treated like dog's. And we have free money so you won't even be billed for hospitals, also for medicine you receive during hospital time you won't be billed either. When you are free and not in hospital you get billed for buying medicine but you can just send that to government and they pay for it.. but I heard rumor that they can hospitalize you in US too where freedom is sacred and all and everything costs money, right? So what gives them the right to put you to hospital and bill you for hundreds, possibly thousands? There is no way that this rumor I heard is true.",5.880600162206001,6.847875583941607,5.764184914841852,80.8486780210868,66.88321167883211,9.300567721005676,29.820762368207625,9.444778638647367,2.539425628548256,573,20,108,11,9,179,81,137,0.058,0.7979999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.9538,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,3,11,5,0,12,6,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,0,2,15,18,14,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,11,3,4,1,0,1,2,2,21,7,14,12,3,15,0,0,0,0,28,7,0,0,5,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457602029020773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885121579651062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244563673986178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20743416337407133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058696520470882,0.22141080080666697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302558533439013,0.11276048638005574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601998547307328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23202446474762176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786067069852676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942152908206261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228273710312184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524650487811158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458523243286405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552640401871829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320360108720776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smilebroken,2019/01/28,Reaching out Feeling really suicidal today anyone want to speak with me?,8.120000000000001,11.132844333333335,8.756666666666668,53.655,64.0,11.466666666666667,37.0,11.20814326018867,5.9639000000000015,60,3,6,2,1,20,12,12,0.276,0.46,0.264,-0.4927,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686339308196017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665706429584196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377409648537382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5766766021306147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997286097166732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31095911500809803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thefour009,2019/01/28,"i have nothing to live for and nobody loves me my life was always a pain, during school i was bullied, when i try to get good grades i always get discouraged, i am just a school clown, i am a weirdo that everyone would love to see dead, i am just a useless lump of meat, even my parent says i will never finish school just because i got an F from not finishing ONE WORK, im pretty sure when i die they will throw a party instead of funeral, i have nothing to live for, my best friend died from a car accident, everything i have left is my cat, i just want to end it all.",10.839999999999995,4.772407000000005,10.565,72.75000000000003,62.33333333333334,14.0,40.0,10.125756701596842,3.70775,440,12,99,6,4,147,76,120,0.235,0.568,0.197,-0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,0,0,7,0,12,5,0,0,3,12,19,3,4,2,5,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,2,19,6,11,13,2,9,0,2,1,2,6,1,0,0,6,65,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477975519790257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076955824355827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626394640651053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090744919769964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318833839712127,0.0,0.0,0.09834867124531099,0.0,0.0,0.14228268268667488,0.1338239307795696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504167210227093,0.0,0.15559078043834365,0.0,0.0,0.12489231976833468,0.11909090066617528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084020981347552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617829597029386,0.0,0.10517421186666144,0.0,0.0,0.2629672023986993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26878056942420697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484275757076312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857518547560059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090016128921307,0.0,0.15844271704884322,0.0,0.16533856166916452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514873343725976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841321359955692,0.0,0.4520917205665866,0.11865598305579175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033880742892588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109499689456218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782652950555528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084027651240495,0.0,0.0,0.10577603616804868,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WaterPot75,2019/01/28,I really want a gun It would be so much easier than everything else.,3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857141,6.727142857142859,71.76785714285714,71.85714285714286,14.171428571428573,21.142857142857142,13.023866798666859,3.969371428571428,54,1,11,3,1,20,14,14,0.16399999999999998,0.55,0.28600000000000003,0.2484,0,0,0,1,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592389018708485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940726644234169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041236260819168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35217880385360906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242520764940506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905209458223,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Catcatcatastrophe,2019/01/28,"I live in a place where I can't legally smoke weed for anxiety/depression And obviously can't afford access to actual treatment.

But I can get alcohol and diphenhydramine at the grocery store. I'm thinking these fuckers are trying to get me to do the easy thing for once.",7.163589743589744,7.368530230769231,7.735384615384617,70.47628205128207,64.0,11.548717948717947,36.56410256410256,11.20814326018867,4.360441025641027,220,10,38,6,3,73,41,52,0.106,0.835,0.059,-0.3173,1,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,9,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.33982262575424804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721523810429431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999303228323528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638720099983427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30749381239325296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708539981044221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36382663829687145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313487962702653,0.2231319716403296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642557494194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Renew2019,2019/01/28,Help Today is too dark. Can’t fight the loneliness and pain. Just sending this out because I need to know someone understands. ,3.291159420289855,6.415846521739134,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,83.78260869565217,6.544927536231885,29.40579710144928,7.793537801064563,2.492084057971016,102,5,17,2,3,31,23,23,0.306,0.599,0.095,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259809828861331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856753662606428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342304156435168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160246543587305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535108024909402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36112102474346097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039912872476868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436930983281313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donezosol,2019/01/28,"Someone I'm close with will never achieve her dreams and I no longer want to live All of this will probably sound really stupid to you guys but I swear to you it has ruined my life and I think about ending it all constantly. 

Ever since I've known this person, her dream was always to become a doctor. Now when I say dream I don't mean some vague goal that swims around in the back of one's mind. I've always been of the opinion that most people don't really care about what their career ultimately ends up being as long as they're able to put food on the table. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Personally, I kind of stumbled into my current career and have never really felt any kind of way about it. I've been fairly happy with my life. But she had something I could never have: genuine passion for her calling. She's the smartest person I know and she planned everything in her life around this fucking dream. Unfortunately she chose a dream that is essentially IMPOSSIBLE for her to ever succeed at no matter how hard she tries. 

Seeing her fail at getting into med school time and time again and eventually give up after many years of incredible effort was very painful. Knowing that she will NEVER achieve her dream and truly be happy has fucked me up completely. She swears she's ok but I know it's a lie. Even if it isn't a lie, it's still the same to me (yes I understand this is incredibly unhealthy). It's like I've adopted this thing to be my own personal crusade and I don't know why. I realize that there are probably millions of people who have had to give up on their dreams, but seeing it happen to her must've broken something in me to the point where it hurt me more than having some family members die (as fucked up as that is to say). 

I've started seeing the futility of everything and now I just want to end my life. I don't see the purpose in living as I know that there is no way I'll ever be able to tear down this barrier for her. When I was depressed when I was younger I was able to retreat to tv and movies but I can't even fucking do that anymore because doctors are featured EVERYWHERE in media and held up as the most perfect paragons of virtue ever to walk the earth. Every time I see a doctor I am filled with rage at how she was treated by these assholes. I'm harboring homicidal thoughts towards the entire profession, the entire fucking country and I can't ever tell anyone. Everything reminds me now that the world is fundamentally unfair and will always be. I feel like the world attacked her and I can't do anything about it. 

I also feel deeply ashamed that despite all of the serious injustices that I should have been thinking about, it wasn't until she gave up on her dream that I finally grew to find the world a meaningless, despicable place. I guess I naively always thought that the world would one day reach a utopia where the big problems like war, poverty, discrimation, etc would be eliminated so I never thought about them. I will also freely admit that I've never had anyone close to me personally suffer from those big problems. But now I think that even in a perfect utopia where these problems are solved there will still be people forever unable to reach their dreams and be happy and I want to die. It will always be unfair and I can't deal with that any more. 

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suicidewatch,MetaEsoTeric,2019/01/28,"Is it so unreasonable to want to die? call me lazy all you want but i don't think it's unreasonable to want to die simply because you don't want to live anymore.

 i didn't choose to be born or to live this long, when you're a young child you rely on instincts to keep you alive so we become accustomed to eating food, drinking water and all those things we need to stay healthy and alive.

at this point in time i almost feel obligated to live for my family who's all worked so hard just to keep me alive when i would rather just cease to exist.

i think the reason i haven't checked out early yet is because of fear that i won't go through with it or that i fail in doing it, fear that my family and friends will grief, and maybe a little fear out of curiosity of what i'll miss out on but all those feelings would disappear if i were to die so my loved ones would be the only ones affected.

i'm not gonna kill myself even though sometimes i desperately want to but i wish my family (particularly the older ones) could understand why if i did, i know it's kinda selfish to leave your family behind like that but if they truly loved me then i think they should try to understand my perspective.

not sure what i was trying to get across with this post but i guess i want to see if i'm making sense to anyone or if i'm just delusional.",6.338967112024669,4.98071104676259,6.883062692702983,81.08215827338131,66.23021582733813,10.38890030832477,28.849948612538533,9.424239791934726,2.05407112024666,1053,25,233,17,14,347,144,278,0.17,0.655,0.175,-0.1579,0,0,1,0,0,4,14.0,2,5,2,2,13,13,1,3,5,0,19,6,0,3,5,65,49,25,5,19,19,0,3,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,18,11,4,2,10,1,1,2,7,8,0,3,4,4,35,5,37,35,4,25,0,3,1,2,15,11,0,11,11,154,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420311713988462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329770933227348,0.06577984195133531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469521655837285,0.10389910126016516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606169867534377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511170596329342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292906838558563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215826613059644,0.0,0.09626281757690204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213604188995647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547443860483572,0.3175835898933693,0.09513489289325222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375658040773674,0.0,0.07268256974217281,0.0,0.049150614485139146,0.0,0.05346532744166824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363487180143158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427325294616952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723741903798647,0.10408070513131593,0.0,0.05170148559146626,0.0,0.0,0.09961246948198643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596058276957519,0.09428845867264148,0.24921141633689245,0.08325393936715432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981379117254866,0.0,0.06279618879754771,0.0,0.0945115777290719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975586013877379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124416941836891,0.07154872764075111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889318432488128,0.0,0.09009841314237987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672537781196466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496606756647115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304316692604156,0.0,0.0,0.10027206491993684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866513300865794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249964374634145,0.1808395240532976,0.09242879241736307,0.0,0.05485623478019363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774230464664313,0.0,0.0,0.19587202001261395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329293327895489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848885901074621,0.0,0.10818228911089144,0.0,0.0,0.06848815209647477,0.0,0.0,0.20048580619551934,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4ngelpuk3,2019/01/28,"bruises I tried hanging myself tonight and managed to black out, but I didn’t do something right and failed to stay that way. I woke up with some bruises and red marks all the way around my neck, my throat really hurts, it’s hard to swallow, my head is foggy, my hands are still tingly and cold, and I have a bad headache.
I’m freaking out about these bruises. They’re very noticeable and I don’t know how to cover them up. And if they’re this noticeable now, I don’t even want to think about how bad they’ll be tomorrow. I’ve already tried concealer but they’re still very visible. Do I just have to wear turtlenecks or something until they go away? How long on average do you think it’ll take them to go away? Also if anyone has any tips on how to soothe the other problems listed above that would be amazing.
I feel so fucking ashamed and gross right now and I’m in more pain than I was before. I still feel like the rope is around my neck and I can’t breathe very well.

I can also include pictures if really needed but I’d prefer not to.

Thank you sm. I hope you guys are having a good night.",2.523740102468558,4.190492212389383,3.198504890544946,93.31670936190037,75.99115044247787,6.1738239403819275,23.399161620866323,6.8360192770164,0.5562336283185839,864,26,189,8,19,271,130,226,0.182,0.721,0.096,-0.9759,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,4,1,19,16,1,1,5,0,22,10,7,4,1,41,38,25,0,9,9,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,15,1,0,6,0,0,3,5,10,1,0,3,7,26,6,25,30,3,29,0,2,2,1,8,13,1,6,11,119,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382341153135848,0.2003503055019279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518515668321194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087588880376117,0.0,0.0,0.22302654646168785,0.0,0.0,0.2353830088650247,0.0,0.20918370893116253,0.0,0.0,0.1065921161099275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273699325959406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667647878184995,0.0894900356047142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580637283612626,0.0,0.0,0.14238307757025984,0.10506715431948893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403300681558747,0.0,0.0,0.11221370639152854,0.0,0.12855902676235392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441737500612962,0.0,0.0,0.13409981410607075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884290236040234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061198626612681085,0.0,0.0,0.11085644355097374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288313118399304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755362920693165,0.0,0.0,0.2852322793277641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329182638171042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986261790415507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049717888375895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395291171968656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287173075945813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335168592505306,0.3001127017544733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094184421589392,0.0,0.0,0.11532807723364287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053075399903907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009474496673205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100726380603915,0.07388511596247024,0.19886059624194152,0.0,0.0,0.11262915289122505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898535263006589,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thizz_Dizzle,2019/01/28,"Everyday is a struggle. Sitting here at 3am and just like almost every other night sleep evades me. I feel like captain Ahab looking for moby dick, but my white whale is sleep and it beyond my reach. Being on such a fucked up sleep schedule only compounds my depression and every day I wonder what I'm doing here. Oh yeah and since all the people I know are on normal schedules I usually dont reply to texts (because its 1pm and I'm probably asleep) or honestly I dont care. Caring is also something that's hard to come by these days for me. The moments I seemingly do are fleeting and never last long enough to make serious plans with anyone. So, I've lost friends and I cant blame them. Who wants to be around someone clearly faking being happy and with nothing positive to say? I don't. Everyday is a struggle and everyday I have to find something worth living for. I know it can get better with time, but time is something I just feel like I dont have a lot of. ",4.011978021978024,5.142088794871796,5.212399267399267,82.50057692307695,71.30769230769229,7.622710622710624,28.287545787545792,7.957251820313856,1.8602161172161176,765,28,146,10,14,254,124,195,0.177,0.6559999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.4919,0,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,9,16,1,2,6,1,20,6,5,1,3,34,37,14,0,2,5,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,14,0,0,7,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,1,6,18,9,20,33,3,23,0,2,2,2,5,6,2,5,18,95,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553624300024752,0.0,0.0,0.09226921622153972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067626671973055,0.0,0.0,0.10271251938978816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033447943965991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204409208096038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352748727272689,0.0,0.0,0.09938951557902508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882090310076918,0.0,0.099376486972541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056729389080099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921821751334273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442498268655006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667902758244937,0.16485476124827186,0.0,0.0,0.1054550833169521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914217803583395,0.10666680271117383,0.06028120418068659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282398497188513,0.10335767357200948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268194850473874,0.0940499689985152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691062850313171,0.0,0.10188251242111117,0.10210752745228313,0.0968900062968192,0.0,0.1259507248149748,0.09809181379611416,0.0,0.0,0.07701693902155497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898804541364971,0.0,0.0,0.1082761636299747,0.11304774556779905,0.11071006812246607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775156740073951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998985325718078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243989820273548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175467963559414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503747281190083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544339580464947,0.0,0.3463894972928646,0.0,0.09776096386101037,0.2664751129360637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412401204658097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455782492275273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270745928249747,0.0,0.06805401891667294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251245145145105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unk2nownvoid,2019/01/28,Life sucks I recently got expelled from school over something I had no part in and I’ve been stressed as fuck lately . I even lost my credits for the year . I’m looking for a job and trying to get back into this school because honestly I already had memories planned involving this school. I want to go to prom and graduate with my class . So I guess that’s what making me so depressed. I have to leave all that behind and start new with new people at a alternative school... I’m so stressed I really don’t know what to do . Last year was a scary year for me but I thought this year would be better . Guess not . I feel like a literal zombie . This situation might just put me back into that dark hole again and it’s useless to resist it ,2.218349420849421,4.32387239864865,3.3625868725868737,89.78337837837843,78.3918918918919,6.66100386100386,24.08494208494209,7.7094869923839395,1.1484888030888034,577,20,121,9,14,186,94,148,0.168,0.772,0.06,-0.8906,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,2,2,5,0,10,2,0,1,1,22,27,10,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,7,0,0,7,2,15,4,19,17,2,20,0,3,1,1,1,5,2,3,14,78,26,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395543426746185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448347489318416,0.0,0.07709027188656245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184566752480808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892183266127632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352718634632368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394316152938485,0.09034472471873796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169124004014164,0.06607135585506489,0.0,0.07187146513446133,0.0,0.10114349005573783,0.0,0.2786250615791068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254943642058698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950039767625107,0.10308369008742556,0.14265503375998687,0.1339053639041698,0.0,0.0,0.08932409438966564,0.061783114031929674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619651965890282,0.0,0.1380485886531069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441459745409871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341565636371377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442762421685884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694639624587898,0.0,0.08767306710576428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712958611568448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101501662394803,0.0,0.12486630940857273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119465796029011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214897463148538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973568917686958,0.0,0.0,0.08951069886980066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897243784365009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039697615164377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585963122196938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745907677579443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983522168740342,0.0,0.0,0.3257504164541573
suicidewatch,ijustwantodie1234,2019/01/28,"I just want to die Throwaway 

​

I am honestly sick and tired of just how unfair life is. I was bullied/treated badly all throughout school and grew up in a physically abusive household. I was scared to death of fridays, unlike most children, because that's when I was usually beaten by my dad and tossed in my tiny room to read books so I would hopefully get ""smarter"". I spent almost all my summer breaks trapped in my room, 24 hrs a day, belted occasionally reading the same book over and over and over again until I finally begged my dad kissing his hands and feet to let me out.

​

I was ridiculed pretty much all through school.  I had a few friends, but all of them left me or just simply stop being my friend because I was ""that guy"". People would take random pictures of me and send them to girls to embarrass me. Recess and lunch was pretty much eating my life away whilst I got fatter and fatter and avoiding bullies. I never really had a friend through highschool, and the only real friend I have right now is as depressed and messed up as me.

​

My dad got me a job when I turned 15. I spent all my time outside of school at work. I was treated lower then human filth. I was constantly laughed at and ridiculed, told off, smirked at and laughed at by customers, and constantly sworn at by employees and even physically attacked on a few occasions. I was made to do the worst, most disgusting jobs, and was treated worse then the dirt on the end of your shoe.  The funny thing is, is that the only thing I ended up buying after 5 years of work is this cheap PC that I'm typing this out on. The rest went to my parents and siblings because we where poor, and what was left was spent eating my emotions away.

​

When I turned 20, My dad decided I was a failure, even though I maintained an A+ average at school, and studied engineering. He ended up kicking me out, then telling everyone how much of a shitty son I was and how pathetic I was. Now everything Has been taken away from me. My honour, my job, my money, my time and my perfect academic record. When he kicked me out, I failed the entire semester and decimated my GPA. The university did not really care about my situation, and decided to keep those fails on my record forever.

​

Now I type this from an absolute shithole. My job is hell, minimal pay maximum labor, and I have to work with people that are as low as my self in life, and as depressed and messed up as me. The funny thing is, Is that I saw my child hood bullies at the gym, and they are all buff and doing 100x better then me in every aspect of life. 

​

I studied hard, I respected my parents, worked hard, NEVER EVER was given a free ride and life still slaps me around. I remember the very first time I thought about killing myself. The first time I glanced into that void. Every day from their that void has sucked me further and further in.  The odd gesture of good will from strangers and spurt of random motivation has kept me from being consumed. But tonight is a low point. Tonight my body and mind simply can no longer tolerate this hell I have endured ALL MY LIFE. My soul wants to be free and rid itself of this hell. I just want to be at peace. ",6.437211555555559,6.447129705599997,6.360353333333336,80.38403222222225,65.54400000000001,9.184444444444443,32.88111111111111,8.761943790366164,2.560641777777777,2546,97,490,35,36,804,291,625,0.202,0.684,0.114,-0.9963,8,2,0,0,0,2,94.0,1,1,4,13,25,42,10,3,28,0,49,16,4,5,11,88,74,57,3,6,8,7,3,0,4,3,8,0,2,6,19,42,3,4,5,5,10,4,4,23,0,2,33,5,85,21,81,33,17,91,4,6,2,1,29,47,4,7,39,348,104,28,0.0,0.06310661113486493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533340730570812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462553087602259,0.3883140396047399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741435995110292,0.0,0.060593070704081514,0.15012385143062487,0.0,0.044471439963191466,0.09740383192636516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047105799191322184,0.0,0.059161934881775374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430403016698733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511432813430593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869900485149254,0.0,0.09174874790308396,0.0,0.05527741615104485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900038769849273,0.0,0.059912439294221485,0.14152263396218442,0.0,0.0,0.07035793078302917,0.0481784142495825,0.08975085186649172,0.05089400300652287,0.04786833792302382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834577944634683,0.0,0.09060904547454844,0.0,0.0,0.16459996663801232,0.0,0.027827130814134918,0.0,0.0,0.04467353284150947,0.08519677225795616,0.0,0.0,0.05273762898877253,0.0,0.0,0.09542435464666607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290105860761613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141676564675665,0.04734160076468037,0.05892637207602415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573836368628773,0.05446387467325641,0.2257226200916369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039767290995143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377930939353147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746081713633495,0.0,0.0821576812963926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101611035793158,0.0,0.0,0.11828201571395712,0.0,0.0,0.07385015414486941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050349686602089064,0.0,0.0,0.10837294750742227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655257465493127,0.06062367301541604,0.06824184054733902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033532035592519,0.0454853492994674,0.0,0.0,0.0533244273909012,0.21561543964239374,0.0,0.0,0.05556375046908495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986857785759004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253500130406825,0.04452931149589945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400463006567964,0.0,0.046553225407682815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615446707540888,0.0,0.052329520689271235,0.04228397847387615,0.12422970798551344,0.061216688919035776,0.0,0.05089400300652287,0.0,0.0,0.11586724855951525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866042932875641,0.04394662400875223,0.09424569959546056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937429072056435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155101114203421,0.0,0.0542783998014048,0.07567141413280236,0.0,0.3883140396047399,0.03429890053759916
suicidewatch,alalalanna01,2019/01/28,"I'm so sick of never being enough I've had severe depression since I can remember and it's too much, I'm always failing and being a disappointment, no matter how hard it try. I want to just sleep and not wake up, I'm so sick of everyday just dragging on and overwhelming even more, I'm never enough.",6.983655913978495,5.338594354838712,8.076451612903227,73.96801075268819,65.12903225806451,11.492473118279571,31.956989247311824,10.504223727775694,3.0736924731182795,238,7,48,5,3,82,42,62,0.343,0.622,0.035,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,1,0,4,4,2,1,2,13,9,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,6,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,33,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154367647307298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230018094681516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5350536940270213,0.0,0.17100991821298836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319356311654023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033120605038728,0.0,0.39938008985488144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932985118973958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924985468012154,0.0,0.2141759143901201,0.0,0.2591004741340077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578526411972895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271388456498022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jmmagenta,2019/01/28,"Would Klonopin work? I’m a 40 year old professional woman whose life has been destroyed by late in life OCD (never had it AT ALL until a few years ago). Have dealt with depression on and off since 19, anxiety since 32, but this is insurmountable. My life has fallen apart, I’m financially ruined, and I can’t let anyone into my apartment bc of OCD so I’m painfully lonely. Up until this point I’ve lived a full life - lots of love, friendship, sex, seen the whole world, had great adventures. There is nothing left for me except decades of shame, pain, aging, and being alone until I die. I’m ready to be done. I never really wanted to be here in the first place. I didn’t ask for life. I will hurt no one as I have no children and no partner. My mother is already dead, she killed her self at 52. But I don’t have access to a good method. I have a prescription for Klonopin, 0.5 mg tablets. If I take all 90 right after I fill it, will that get the job done? Or will I just wake up with destroyed kidneys or something and be checked into to the hospital involuntarily?",3.153884002199007,4.681310116822432,4.207262231995603,87.31962341946125,74.0,6.904452996151732,24.27047828477185,7.5105763829236425,0.9903604178119848,831,25,174,10,17,270,139,214,0.263,0.639,0.098,-0.9922,1,3,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,4,14,3,1,9,0,26,11,2,0,4,23,36,15,3,3,7,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,6,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,10,0,2,7,1,17,4,29,20,6,33,0,4,1,2,10,18,0,4,13,114,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702627087997787,0.0,0.0,0.1367311598884169,0.1456854936472849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099364976461178,0.0,0.0,0.0923102755543412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341930353309645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137071814183756,0.0,0.13701416815552267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702011444234809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229471145266726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897412082785169,0.0,0.0,0.1107306992085618,0.0,0.1455506585543273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413283368706317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310078070584433,0.0,0.14605870560877618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892240983894264,0.0,0.14343828572618916,0.13499767178864086,0.4662422012941736,0.0,0.0,0.1165745909938255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223725054855477,0.11915168379138308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364132667946716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667513397128186,0.0,0.13853101391309205,0.0,0.0894590270285297,0.0,0.2809535906750123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379310406996889,0.0,0.12479997993802935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457431322808619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274291983005635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772389486006767,0.0,0.0,0.21841382911722004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016341488588256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926134313521463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786782277125441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739373425545158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961109057834226,0.0,0.0,0.09378202331515816,0.0,0.0,0.1700309331741198
suicidewatch,yawnwithme,2019/01/28,"i honestly dont know idk what i hope to achieve by posting this but here it goes. today, at 5pm, i was ready to get out of the house to go to the beach and end it all. i had created an online website where i had written my last letter for the people i loved. i was going to send the link to my friends and family and then make my way to the beach but as the time approached 5, i couldn't do it. i'm so afraid to leave. just two days ago, i thought that i was recovering, i even told my friends that i felt better and they were so happy for me. and now i can't bring myself to tell them that i relapsed. i'm sorry friends ",1.7502173913043464,2.3790230072463783,3.558666666666668,94.12799999999999,76.17391304347825,6.679420289855073,23.220289855072465,6.742157984588678,0.3715628985507245,477,13,120,4,10,161,86,138,0.022,0.718,0.261,0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,2,7,9,0,1,7,0,10,1,0,1,1,17,24,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,2,0,5,3,1,0,1,10,1,22,8,16,13,1,18,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,8,80,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678038992361391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742133565762848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208347324574867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185934167310434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766448300417516,0.0,0.0,0.12503151361426984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784561189637036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817586295773192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387604085403208,0.0,0.09890195025669518,0.0,0.2151682216177616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015144159298395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880185888327136,0.0,0.21842791779147164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403486934452236,0.15430556641924287,0.0,0.2004424075844003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085152752796434,0.0,0.12635987577821473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123746606270822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129801362929185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119069516312561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545740250089444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028383499581707,0.11038292522549616,0.0,0.17943519704590427,0.1808852011130958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491955341331276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025830868879775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trappedinocd,2019/01/28,"Sertraline overdose I've taken double my recommended dose on sertraline, I hope I don't vomit it up again and I can fucking die this time",1.4827777777777769,4.206388296296296,4.086944444444448,77.78375000000003,91.96296296296295,7.144444444444447,25.26851851851852,8.07648339933343,2.5043407407407408,112,5,19,3,4,39,23,27,0.15,0.6809999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.1263,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,4,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749576186198144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121579123089288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5502403838195192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230379693852408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MitchBurbage,2019/01/28,"I convinced everyone of my friends I don't want to kill myself Even though that's something that I think about every single day. I'm kind of self destructive with it (and self aware about it, too. I see what I'm doing and can't stop it). I joke a lot in Facebook/Twitter posts, usually when I'm thinking about doing it.
When my friends said they were worried about me, I shruged it off and said it was n't anything serious. And now they believe me. 
Idk how I feel about it. I guess it's what I should have expected that would happen, but it makes me feel like they don't care about me (really stupid, I know). 

I don't really know why I posted this here, I guess I just needed a place tô vent a little. Sorry if it's not the right place for this kind of story. ",2.192365747460088,3.6354054402515743,3.429056603773589,92.26227866473153,76.35849056603773,6.653313981615868,22.293662312530238,7.321109707123232,0.5917456216739239,591,16,133,7,13,192,91,159,0.115,0.789,0.096,-0.4183,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,3,0,15,12,3,0,4,0,11,0,0,2,0,26,30,10,1,6,4,0,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,2,17,5,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,5,24,8,14,24,2,14,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,4,7,88,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132217935462157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501263362321885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402783922855288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873177481071802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087444692806487,0.0,0.11592238336061772,0.1314695962118491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913552444402474,0.0982916730565166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259765269013936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30313362006852473,0.0,0.1216671018482726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221884476391398,0.28654989734184777,0.1512276535671398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721771153485392,0.13789760778053314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169709436131852,0.0,0.0,0.09183991694021773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201849067452656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874967785710609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635392668850861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762826009257355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749793988870295,0.2617521374387426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963845976124473,0.0,0.2870650138190268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592064788861527,0.0,0.15401658728303844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502829913393207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631947826332564,0.1351778313467767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153186037413668,0.0,0.08115195857116604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415022653326947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972555607748766,0.0,0.0977373528620266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Prikker,2019/01/28,"Going to kill myself on valentine's day 21 year old virgin, recently poster in r/rateme , got no responses so far so I must be ugly as sin. 

Also only getting likes and responses from extremely ugly girls on Okcupid, I always thought I was good looking but apparently I'm not. 

All the girls in high school who were eyeing me probably did it not because they found me attractive but because I look like a freakshow.

So I'm done, I'm going to kill myself on valentine's day because the only thing I was kind of confident about has been shattered.",5.425768194070081,6.3194259433962285,6.4572237196765485,75.73858490566037,67.86792452830188,9.076010781671158,33.06738544474393,9.23628265651192,3.097546091644205,434,19,76,8,7,145,74,106,0.185,0.69,0.125,-0.8022,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,2,0,3,0,9,2,1,0,2,9,20,8,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,9,3,10,5,11,9,1,14,1,0,3,1,4,7,0,0,7,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144963436466908,0.15083312043734612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315058345311057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381134483463836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855045551540922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875578037284924,0.0,0.0,0.09470732352829613,0.0,0.2060425130634062,0.152042650614331,0.1449800615035427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152419515821215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011020052213218,0.18876726235513136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771210320564059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044462464786479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021484284106008,0.0,0.0,0.2757315882087033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544225762547127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789845812894043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345730050558587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042929763325118,0.0,0.0,0.14391000121919653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673345310287025
suicidewatch,ColbyVelox,2019/01/28,"Motivation? Or the lack there of. Two things 

I have an extreme lack of motivation to live my life. I just.. don't. I don't see myself having a future anywhere, I don't see myself living an amazing life, and my existence will overall not affect the world. I can't seem to think of a path in my life that will lead to me being at least content with it. 

Second, I'm down right curious what happens when I die. Which, alongside the first point, is hard to resist. 


Like I said.. just no motivation to live my life fully, I'm pretty content with ending it here but I don't quite feel like I'm ready? It's confusing. I tried to keep this short, any sort of help is appreciated. ",0.7630018248175183,3.1043484890510946,2.9084990875912418,89.46085082116791,86.00729927007298,5.468795620437956,19.51140510948905,6.9077264865688965,0.3398616788321167,521,15,110,7,16,176,85,137,0.1,0.7240000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.8869,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,1,7,0,12,4,0,5,0,21,23,4,1,2,5,0,2,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,1,0,3,1,5,16,3,15,19,3,12,0,0,2,0,2,7,0,4,6,74,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185189479472854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087904946128128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436370034849456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812311662889921,0.1245083684130394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824569561325762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411857250574273,0.0,0.15612403550829596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681874507559555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491143296011298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924071565685084,0.17029250457158918,0.0,0.4616873165926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475450712772025,0.0,0.0,0.17730926205827502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537225476783825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883739723327327,0.16578378690524687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777632187081023,0.15866140914599586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578640029170935,0.1116740099915797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832724743225052,0.0,0.17024993021902693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joshmademedothis,2019/01/28,"I want to be happy but I don’t know how    Recently, I’ve been feeling very lonely and isolated even though I have some friends I talk to on a daily basis. Instead of having fun when I talk to them I just feel drained and irritated by the end of the conversation. I also don’t want to do any solo hobbies; they just seem exhausting and unenjoyable. However, I absolutely despise having nothing to do and just being left alone with my thoughts. 

  I’ve always dealt with depression and anxiety but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this chronic boredom (?) before. At this point I’m just not sure what to do; nothing seems to excite me. I hate being alone or hanging with people. I hate doing things and I hate being bored. I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. 

  I never post on Reddit I’m just kind of grasping at straws at this point. I was hoping someone understands how I feel (ridiculous I know) and could give me some explanation or advice. Or else it just doesn’t seem like it’s worth it to keep doing things I hate when I have no excitement for anything that could possibly happen in the future. ",3.5680081925243208,5.4269321013824925,4.935629800307221,81.14884152585769,73.60829493087556,7.587199180747567,26.341269841269842,8.344100000000001,1.859767229902714,874,31,164,15,18,291,120,217,0.276,0.612,0.112,-0.9929,1,4,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,15,19,6,0,4,0,23,2,0,2,3,50,47,18,0,5,12,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,1,14,0,1,1,8,10,0,0,4,4,25,9,24,37,2,18,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,9,8,120,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113487466991529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405652514792249,0.0,0.09287449983657448,0.09663506164608733,0.0,0.0,0.07897695789016314,0.0,0.0888442794358493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557063207950303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988238020943405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854514551795792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002839409549487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701733433704153,0.0,0.10286267025940177,0.0,0.0,0.07670721387437958,0.10505231989746328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616665837042428,0.0,0.11150947204809596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972694836317749,0.0,0.0,0.11140893248756197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026993254807818,0.12362970706080215,0.0,0.4586439022003063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534997609037954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311042302853228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322766046689244,0.0,0.12093853114991765,0.12765141751099504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618289534598173,0.0,0.0,0.05673853926100793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957180463507332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228726464752785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051458457633882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219573494314646,0.13092671153961494,0.1112268827630595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146710085719224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171795475561576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840227319513327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945749220622268,0.0,0.0,0.18669260640290608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431216389398186,0.07441572623858797,0.11410374611027975,0.09219958984460727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209024301686563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582496384926133,0.1370009029572595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CnNevrDoAnythinRight,2019/01/28,"Well damn Thought i'd never post. Just p\*\*\*ed off. Today was meant to be my departure date.  I was ready for today, i just needed 1 thing which i ordered and was it cancelled. GREAT. So i cannot do it today. Ordered again and should come tomorrow. Sure hope it does. Meh. I have to do it. I think i believe that some people can get better but im just too far gone there's no point.",-1.1458571428571425,0.7768707000000035,0.6510714285714272,100.5725,104.5,3.2857142857142865,15.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-0.8774464285714281,296,8,67,2,14,95,58,80,0.095,0.753,0.153,0.5372,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,16,18,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,6,0,8,5,4,10,1,15,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,7,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407380842071752,0.0,0.1889778046685802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406173329756415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698806759588707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163615057505223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355769822021085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222707377721048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308052164874313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843699590569604,0.16479901110470216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813505178046793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199154675559908,0.0,0.2046411854968188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138576583420614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419558984814581,0.1369140450471119,0.0,0.16963375129656366,0.0,0.0,0.6076155613885291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921191114901204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ruiruiiij,2019/01/28,"No support Depression and anxiety had been hitting hard on me since a year ago, and grad school application season never helped. However, I think what crashed me was seeing my parents attitude/actions towards me drastically change with the acceptance, rejections, and interviews offers I received. I feel like a commodity. The only thing that matters is if I can get to a PhD program with great names so they can show off to their friends (typical Asian thing). Any rejection made me as a dishonor to the family. Not even to mention secretively battling the depression black dog cuz mental health issues are disgrace and dishonor to family too. The people I thought I would be closest with only care about if I can bring them fame and pride, I’m not sure where I can get support from anymore. I’m exhausted. I just want everything to end so I don’t need to hear nonsense like “accepted by Cornell doesn’t matter cuz you are still rejected by MIT”. ",4.694804913294798,7.3273470462427746,5.474273843930637,75.07302926300581,72.75722543352602,9.41170520231214,33.35585260115607,9.827888789773867,3.9546997109826583,761,39,125,22,16,247,121,173,0.17800000000000002,0.645,0.17600000000000002,-0.3318,2,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,1,8,18,1,0,9,0,14,2,0,3,2,30,31,12,0,5,5,1,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,6,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,5,5,19,11,18,23,0,13,0,5,2,0,14,5,0,2,8,84,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350717642966085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362062452405464,0.0,0.11656690719001445,0.0,0.15111563802856312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553570665206915,0.0,0.16119316704813486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624817400723012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495954284937944,0.0,0.0,0.1006426383023984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694535260226567,0.0,0.2872922851933545,0.0,0.07704567529703413,0.1088571499906376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772500073959034,0.0,0.15921991055461954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799462289650596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649859657698596,0.0,0.0,0.16196812386263115,0.1717383611718656,0.0,0.10213414420649013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904052468780358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888603030227676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441814649609412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355875284595294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298456721547408,0.11752144655838853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177700084912736,0.0,0.0,0.16919505722658018,0.0,0.0,0.10563804633622374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421222925999029,0.1214236149191382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604666039430432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168734082412642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458280213995865,0.1436121877094778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246313888907427,0.0976361236650519,0.0,0.12096919577285778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987506928624563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824324532630517,0.0,0.0,0.09812488237099093
suicidewatch,CopepodParty,2019/01/28,"Really don't want to try anymore Suicide is about all I think about lately, the best way or best time to do it for the most part. I go throughout my day not feeling much other than wishing I could just be gone. Most of my day I'm either in classes or labs, not sure why I even go anymore, but when I finally get home I pretty much just sit there. I'm just tired of being alone and not giving a shit about anything. I've tried to find something to be excited and passionate about, or hell just toss myself headfirst into and block everything out, something I at least like doing but nothing has worked. Nothing seems to get a reaction out of me anymore. I don't even feel anything towards my family, sticking around just feels like an obligation to them instead of worrying about potentially hurting them. I hate myself more than anything and especially how good I've gotten at putting on a smile. Killing myself just seems like the best option I have. Either that or I just feel like sleeping all day like a fucking looser (not like I've taken care of myself, either). Alrighty tried helping myself when I was younger, but obviously didn't work. It shouldn't be this hard to feel SOMETHING or for once have someone I can be honest with, instead of just saying what they want to hear. Otherwise I'll just kill myself and get it over with. ",5.131818961818958,6.3207028532818565,5.375334620334623,82.15228549978552,68.72972972972973,7.763277563277564,30.219004719004715,7.984000788550335,2.0680036894036897,1065,41,197,13,18,337,140,259,0.16899999999999998,0.62,0.211,0.9353,0,1,3,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,3,5,23,22,6,0,8,0,18,5,2,1,4,58,44,16,3,5,24,0,6,6,0,1,1,2,1,0,7,11,0,1,9,0,0,4,8,7,0,0,5,8,26,15,35,32,15,24,1,1,0,2,7,10,3,10,14,143,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831884651446368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824351428793242,0.0,0.0,0.23435789455717976,0.08450782280856878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988695224038242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678745772115374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579387731839404,0.0,0.0,0.18366598226050376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540073416411204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531695932437644,0.0,0.08949155171857602,0.0,0.2399972916396516,0.13563601628588776,0.0,0.10399117052649402,0.08676429658386774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776125166265418,0.14879101452831547,0.09106550232198264,0.1079018088307546,0.0796227767599601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503863030544719,0.09372371767732388,0.0,0.0,0.10699300484544312,0.0,0.06362957531098394,0.0,0.09522252615258543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162452415577863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005195115099765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708517039910984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782680058116204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956893975782675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217578296396295,0.0,0.0,0.10109734760873798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279993485688912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657793392807924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543086586675266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081458628833589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754921430665705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284140615735868,0.0,0.0,0.09744427676019132,0.0,0.0,0.09499855335351637,0.0,0.08043387759002375,0.21924524644785534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103838007912141,0.0,0.08947039782269707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082730836083301,0.0,0.0,0.05535444410104183,0.1091080656879523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335370783925787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198434243825917,0.07535101223345711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565955601488652,0.0,0.1091648105143692,0.0,0.0,0.1382203354641024,0.09640601899605347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,craigbetten,2019/01/28,not feeling well i dont know why. but i dont feel well sometimes.  ,-2.9160000000000004,-1.7267665999999977,-0.2666666666666657,105.88000000000004,115.0,2.0,18.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.1436666666666664,51,2,13,0,3,17,11,15,0.376,0.624,0.0,-0.424,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6810627722677107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29382934268937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596828783362405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873689321360998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224924197440012,0.0,0.26218307368139265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unlovable_,2019/01/28,"No Purpose Does anyone else feel like they have no real purpose in this life? And those who do feel it, how do I get that feeling?",2.93888888888889,4.002543814814814,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,73.81481481481481,5.4,24.61111111111111,3.1291,0.1588666666666665,101,3,22,0,2,32,23,27,0.155,0.715,0.13,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24538191507038296,0.35957438409880643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30710558769602325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29316116559649685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323298486814343,0.2507080376196838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833490557513375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478757723409588,0.17144911698165408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39944086502473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spicymayogoddess,2019/01/28,"Why can't I just be happy? Why is it that when things are being good and I'm happy for once, I mean genuinely happy, something horrible has to happen again. Why? Why can't I just be happy for once. I just wish I were dead right now. I wish i didn't have work tomorrow so i could just go an kill myself. I wish the kids i work with didn't need me so i could just die. So i could just feel at peace ",-0.8919101123595503,0.9587679550561816,1.5371797752809009,99.89363483146069,88.5505617977528,4.908314606741573,13.394382022471907,6.2581,-1.0175941573033709,304,4,78,3,10,103,51,89,0.28300000000000003,0.5760000000000001,0.141,-0.9478,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,12,6,1,0,2,0,15,0,0,0,0,17,24,5,3,7,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,14,5,5,15,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,52,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010124237974792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042588633766553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354265807672736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142130331503553,0.10540624946664676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112979352791254,0.5351133030432311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903552014222076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689175173490678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318290345099044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676694452540537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073217131124754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674710378885926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348973487461048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535914419426664,0.0,0.4335437817527801,0.0,0.0,0.18297888812914687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riviera13cryptodude,2019/01/28,"Just another day Every day just kinda feels the same... Hate my life hate the job I work. Love the people there but I just hate not making enough money to support myself. Can't find a girlfriend and the only friends I have are people I work with and one other guy who is a brother of a friend of mine. I've kind of just accepted that I'm going to be by myself for the rest of my life as I'm not a good enough person for friends or a relationship. Just feel like I'm not even good enough for myself. Idk what the point is anymore. I try to talk to people at work and I go to the bar sometimes with friends just to force myself to get out. But honestly unless I'm drunk as hell I don't feel good about it. Like I don't feel that good feeling that I've made a new friend, or when I'm talking to a girl I don't feel sparks honestly I just feel more apathetic than anything else. What's the point of me meeting these people and getting to know them if all I'm going to do is just hurt them eventually because all I am is just a bad person. ",2.6679428251121067,3.460015197309417,4.13262051569507,90.25794422645744,74.15695067264573,6.83060538116592,23.35454035874439,6.9077264865688965,0.5566952914798207,811,21,186,7,16,270,109,223,0.179,0.642,0.179,0.0579,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,3,13,23,4,0,16,0,13,5,0,2,2,41,39,13,0,1,18,1,7,2,6,0,2,0,0,4,9,7,2,0,10,2,1,3,7,6,0,1,1,7,21,17,28,37,8,11,1,1,0,1,19,4,1,4,6,120,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142261414031717,0.0,0.0,0.0959233347145148,0.0,0.0,0.07959487807861962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075975661310944,0.05896151002432369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247568083237574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807997470566656,0.0,0.0,0.29982248463324723,0.0,0.06388470185069836,0.0,0.08149339169764254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423427738761506,0.06909900901617072,0.0,0.0,0.08840317013283103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736401737613603,0.0,0.1010676656141906,0.0,0.16490991696944712,0.32450702224296885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577108555537954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864821390432532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354408958905448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598276192369083,0.0,0.0,0.10072223477477173,0.05315649165581752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663678588447006,0.09450805161740604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729638297856039,0.09152174522443074,0.06456342690440901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341578223074022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554208246058109,0.07356228356516911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682225032297901,0.1689097775056294,0.0,0.0,0.182869204995234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384442238527423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566162886335547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976023885794248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548474381185967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566864252895843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124672785260526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,50SahdesOfBrown,2019/01/28,Getting my old motorcycle back. Hopefully someone can to take me out of this this painful existence so I can finally get some god damn rest and peace.,3.59059523809524,6.438486392857143,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,77.92857142857143,9.447619047619048,34.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,4.123033333333334,121,7,22,4,3,39,26,28,0.16699999999999998,0.605,0.228,0.3016,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,6,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28293125448877826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40307183336988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844779430872484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654579111379818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861021977795868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915253190225764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31176330010632497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27665301549805604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChippedCups200,2019/01/28,"year me off a cliff I don't think I can keep going my dudes. I keep going back down the same path over and over again and it's starting to lose the comfort again. I can't keep a job because I'm too depressed to get out of bed, I can't keep friendships because I don't have the motivation to check chats. I don't want another relationship because they all end the same way. I just want the sweet embraces of death.",2.357646103896105,3.694654147727274,3.526493506493509,92.17045454545458,75.70454545454545,6.392207792207793,25.07142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.7209201298701293,327,11,75,3,7,106,54,88,0.197,0.738,0.065,-0.8428,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,7,0,7,0,0,1,1,15,19,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,4,2,1,1,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,11,2,10,19,3,14,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,46,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999428855884594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466198886563181,0.0,0.3487072745908407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642309917159767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888443026614472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962157292965032,0.0,0.2167338118854328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892188497451091,0.677934748600004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133203107520513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471719882168687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134963124337916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217899357416916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493407359089412,0.15135160649992996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279061194399615
suicidewatch,sadboy22,2019/01/28,how could I confront my mother about wanting to die. how could I minimize the damage and make her understand the suffering,5.47909090909091,8.236038727272728,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,70.81818181818181,9.854545454545457,33.72727272727273,10.125756701596842,4.321018181818181,100,5,15,3,2,32,18,22,0.4270000000000001,0.573,0.0,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,8,5,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6806325587811635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423676453087145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845171076520831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44372868537951904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140615651905984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nursenegan,2019/01/28,"Physician heal thyself... First off, I work in healthcare and it’s reached the peak for me at the start of the new year. All the naive has been beat from me. Nothing is going to get better about this system. I came in with ideals and self preservation in mind.
I can help people and save lives, maybe even spark change, and I will have a solid skill set so that I am able to leverage my job as needed. 

I’m the squeaky wheel. The squeaky wheel gets beaten into shape or drowned in oil until it stays quiet for ages knowing the price of making noise. 

It got to me little by little. And my counselor reminds me that this job doesn’t define me and I need to be more than just my career when I think of my whole identity. That’s the absurd thing - our careers have bred us to be the job, to give our all to the job, because not everyone can do the job - just we few. And fewer hold on long term. 

And that’s partially why. We keep reverting back to our weak human forms despite the bumps, injections and reindoctrinations of our God like ability and ego and hubris.  

I am a failure. I can only fight against this by truly letting go and it hurts so bad. And the cure is not living day after day denying and downplaying. I just want to end things because I can’t take another psychological war fare because I stand up to the powers that be and cry foul. I do it to protect my life and patients alike.  And my coworkers would rather sell me as sacrifice than pitch in and help. 

I cant fix myself. I can’t fight the dark in me any longer. I just want to be at peace.",2.555523809523809,4.323902520634924,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,76.17460317460319,6.317460317460317,23.095238095238088,7.0931098945946705,0.6574761904761899,1214,36,260,13,27,387,184,315,0.111,0.779,0.11,-0.7573,6,0,0,0,2,0,33.0,7,0,0,8,11,11,4,0,17,0,24,4,0,1,2,46,42,25,2,7,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,15,23,0,3,2,0,2,3,6,7,0,1,3,2,37,4,42,32,7,36,1,1,0,0,14,15,0,1,15,173,52,9,0.1133482081148056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708066839374385,0.118855479220701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715777547294916,0.09464101921804677,0.2072880468202624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024727893311594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964015377615182,0.0,0.0,0.11990737474941884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450768419229898,0.14620043434150587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039286885912728,0.0,0.0,0.07486542244741841,0.0,0.0,0.1083090702844423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964139279184947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184395209304415,0.10873392962435642,0.12883679756425015,0.0,0.0906549165852796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194982924334202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134160111030028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5624030331925661,0.10074909540801104,0.0,0.0,0.062293210868165735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590622237344435,0.08006119149624302,0.05537620904575125,0.2272093643474979,0.20017708880162455,0.10030959732150606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566080907989338,0.0,0.1138735100859825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444937825398073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809252017439674,0.0,0.10947240571467044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876066270423396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620641993718513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785813756364223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824690138938425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022844510368486,0.12081410839140423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522374614378367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060702579574248,0.07262895495992082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363439381653484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371141979383966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227912763764466,0.12654922646230574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251884547822168,0.0,0.0,0.08051931492579192,0.0,0.0,0.07299252975895418
suicidewatch,suicidalwuss,2019/01/28,"stalemate Im 25(m), soon turning 26 and I have nothing to show for myself. I have lost all of my friends last year because I have told them about my depression and suicidal ideation 5 years ago and nothing has changed till last year, then they finally cut me off. I understand them. I am constantly negative and I havent been moving forward for years, while everybody else has. I am inferior in all regards to anyone I used to be friends with. 
For a year now I have socially isolated myself from the outside, and I spent the whole sitting in front of my computer 95% of the time. The only times i went out are to get some food. 
I have no job and no prospects for the future. I  aimlessly attended university for 3 years switching between majors, and nothing came out of it. It is too late to start an apprenticeship in a field I like, everything is just too competitive for an inferior human like me. I am constantly asking myself that even if I were to apply for apprenticeships, why anyone would want to hire somebody like me who has struggled with mental illness since I was 12 years old, if there is a 17-20 year old happy human applying for the same job as I am. of course they don't know about my mental state if I don't tell them but I have no way of lying about my last 5 aimless years and no way of making them sound rather positive than negative. my cv is worthless because of too many gaps due to mental illness. I don't want to work as a cleaning person and I don't want to work on an assembly line. 
I feel like my only option to succeed in the working world from now on would be to start some kind of business and be self employed since my chances are too slim to get anywhere in the corporate world. But I don't know what and I certainly don't have the thick skin for this kind of adventure..
I have thought about getting more help but it's the same all the time. The answer to anything is always within oneself and only I can change myself for the better. I could start to take ssris again, talk to some therapist and listen to the same things over and over again. it just doesn't help me. 
I could submit myself to a psychiatric ward, but all that would do is for the doctors there to give me benzodiazepines and make sure I am not going to kill myself. 
I have fucked up everything because of my depression, inferiority complex, and never being strong enough to pull through. I now am here in top of my selffulfilling prophecy. everything is dull. I've tried to kms twice, one time cutting (I stopped because it hurt too much, now I have 2 ugly scars on my forearm) and one time by taking 20 5mg lorazepam pills which unfortunately just sent me into a 23 hour sleep coma. 
I have been researching everything I can about suicide methods and now know how I will end my life. Decapitation by train seems to be the best option for me although I'd prefer a shotgun, but since guns are illegal to own where I live (Germany) that is just not a possibility. 

I know for certain that I will never be able to ditch my inferiority complex. Over the last 2 years my soul and my heart have become bitter to the core. I have become addicted to smoking weed and cigarettes. So a cleanse would also take some time, which I just don't have anymore.

Being an almost 26 year old male with mental illnesses, not enough skills to compete in the workplace, and being only 5'4 (165cm) will not help me to go anywhere. it only helps to strengthen my beliefs of being unnecessary and disposable. Now that I have no friends left there is also no point in trying anymore. 
I will run out of money to support myself at the end of February, which will also be the day of my birthday, 02/28. 
I think that I have seen enough to say that at least I will leave this life with some good memories. 
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suicidewatch,gameover111111,2019/01/28,"I failed and I’m giving up I wish I could say I was stronger or better at handling life but I’m not. I failed my family. I failed my friends. I failed myself. I thought I was strong but I’m actually just weak. I pulled myself out of this so many times before. My first attempt was over 15 years ago. I remember the pain I caused everyone. I told myself I wouldn’t do this again but I failed. Here I am. Unlike other people with real struggles, my struggles are stupid. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I have a job and a family who loves me. I’m in grad school because I wanted to help students in college. Everyone who knows me. Knows me as the person to talk to about anything. The always positive person but that’s  a lie. I’m just a sad and empty person. I never belonged here and my giving up is my failure. ",0.026871657754011125,2.3332267352941187,2.2777540106951872,92.49534759358288,90.47058823529413,4.737967914438502,18.90374331550802,6.351523495107088,0.08582352941176463,635,19,134,7,22,214,96,170,0.253,0.575,0.171,-0.9648,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,9,9,15,1,2,7,0,12,4,0,1,1,27,27,11,0,5,9,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,5,1,32,4,15,19,0,14,0,6,0,1,13,7,0,1,6,92,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.14057729051339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276964206167042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986563313990352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286424831974698,0.0,0.0,0.11854532018352815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878148349876708,0.0,0.12258053552770992,0.0,0.0,0.12740529508352824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798457805957188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501651529559892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275302216811663,0.0,0.0,0.2716052217206871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253344995841108,0.0,0.0,0.11129684497592666,0.0,0.0,0.2763821329978543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655729830610167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295275674779467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833816133112708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175058950101976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300156231263469,0.0,0.0,0.1460495655793875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111044054940231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532851026476137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986987634554813,0.3773508573646263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639665833543332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318668668977732,0.0,0.0,0.11455863632940905,0.0,0.14579175591858165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011959644811915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578627409055525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143638967442076,0.08399986241476733,0.0,0.0,0.1376511084058315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993521496216987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565660106716834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276695479223336
suicidewatch,ColoradoStrong,2019/01/28,I miss her so much.... so fucking much. It physically hurts. First time actually in love. It hurts so bad. My life is fucked. I think about killing my self every day.,-0.7458482142857149,0.6951464687500035,0.9428571428571432,96.44500000000002,115.5625,4.328571428571428,17.07142857142857,6.18269132825596,-0.1412821428571429,125,4,28,2,7,40,25,32,0.4370000000000001,0.476,0.087,-0.9508,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,5,1,2,6,2,4,0,3,0,3,3,1,2,0,3,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.22975965425358796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658613947348266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184208292561638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837196071786287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026878448237692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353288863383253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040959431099733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26048421209638506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630125803730186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124976552612357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461572730625184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24561973276390925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086318794463802,0.0,0.0,0.13728945319177804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Salobros,2019/01/28,Oh god help me I don't know what to fucking do. My friend is acting weird and is saying he's done with everything and shit. He fucking sent a Will or something to me giving me codes to his social media and shit. I literally don't know what to do. I'm not sure if he's faking or not. I'm freaking the fuck out right now. I don't know what to do right now. Im not sure if I should call 911 or what. I'm shaking. He's my best friend and I don't want to lose him. He's too damn young to kill himself. He says he's going to do something tomorrow but I don't know. He's never done anything like this. He says he's not sure about it. He's never been a drama queen and has never been this irrational or suicidal before. I don't know what to do or if I should even be writing here,-0.676165413533834,1.1463518857142887,1.9598195488721828,97.41660150375941,87.28571428571428,4.8270676691729335,17.210526315789473,6.05967700443912,-0.5287142857142855,600,14,149,5,19,207,81,175,0.202,0.71,0.08900000000000001,-0.9568,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,19,7,1,3,0,22,5,2,0,6,35,37,14,2,6,13,0,0,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,1,0,4,13,12,0,0,5,3,16,7,12,28,1,14,0,1,0,3,25,3,6,8,8,88,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034249325374047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069454584771869,0.0,0.13189468291865106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833457416252364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572310403594322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301125824395858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295417351857848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942019923762564,0.3485707786709213,0.0,0.12056487517007415,0.07142753172495707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424147024818816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575728094522133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904764495894772,0.0,0.3453555490089261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140149403280105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060513337784336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907993067555389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146621445510445,0.0,0.2998402437718292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25801992552770764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811617292636976,0.0,0.19351108155209726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747485208583088,0.0,0.3553591778400514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413003784536533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,khaleesit,2019/01/28,I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF YESTERDAY I just woke up. its 6am. at 1-2am i took 60mg of diazepam.. why am i still alive? should i have mixed it with alcohol? i was drowning in tears and didnt want my family to see me grab alcohol into my room so i just took the pills and snorted one. i feel ridiculous. i wish it had worked...,-1.8304675324675301,0.04524691428571792,1.0518181818181809,98.8559090909091,101.28571428571428,4.831168831168832,16.363636363636363,6.574015621080383,-0.2111428571428564,244,7,60,4,11,84,54,70,0.16899999999999998,0.753,0.078,-0.7282,0,0,3,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,10,13,3,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,6,4,13,0,8,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,38,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171503592999167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280926418841901,0.0,0.12233918228903765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26768618685720474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395425199347952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928059648061544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322472953811773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376394613775973,0.1642708434193856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271070299870753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183257978977093,0.0,0.27823509094256743,0.0,0.0,0.17614535044195664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cugo777,2019/01/28,Anyone in the southeast interested in making an elaborate suicide pact? I’ve got a neat idea for one and if you don’t want to die  in a boring way let me know. This could be a cool way out. Sci fi fans might like it,0.005531914893616374,1.9438495531914943,2.3866382978723406,94.69400000000002,85.38297872340425,5.4621276595744686,17.910638297872342,6.742157984588678,-0.15906468085106384,167,4,40,2,5,57,42,47,0.189,0.602,0.209,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,9,9,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,4,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356406068645447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324426969935066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30214578251254304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284233610959496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32864903481365443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599968020340834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976989732452442,0.0,0.14223085040265432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943307677254546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30884170265918764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727644292716412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184477092805172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171533835145467,0.4621690596764048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trinezer,2019/01/28,"Forget me I don't know what I'm looking for posting this. I've heard that everything will get better and to not have such a negative view on life. And part of it for me I guess is that I understand what I do and that I have a problem and that life isn't so bad... But I still just drown in this feeling of hate and death and depression. I tried to kill myself twice my Junior year of highschool and I was out of school for two and a half months. I dropped out of highschool after that because all of my grades were then failing. My mom always has to mention to everyone she meets that I'm a disappointment for not completing highschool. My mom loves me but doesn't like me. I live alone. If I could live with her to save money up I would, but she tells me all the time that I'm terrible to live with. Because I get depressed and I'm irritable. I get irritated because my mom still does so much for my dad. My dad abused me growing up mentally and physically. Everyday I'd do to school and get beat, stabbed, choked and then come home to be told by my dad that he'd kill me and that my siblings are so much better than me and that I'm a piece of shit. So I'd go to my room and watch movies and cut myself. I absolutely hate myself. I'm comfortably numb. And I want to change for the couple friends I have... But suicide runs through my head constantly. I just want to be done. But that's stupid. My dad always told me that people that kills themselves are stupid and worthless. When I was hospitalized, he pretended to finally care. All I wanted was to be loved. And I've lost every relationship I've had because no one wants to put up with or help with my issues. Because all I ever see in myself is my dad. And it drives me mad. And I get drunk every night. And I want to be done. And I just can't. And I don't know what I want to hear from you all on this post, but I just needed to say something to the majority. It's more anonymous that way.",1.9397402597402584,3.5706435847665863,3.4124647244647264,91.30865847665852,77.5257985257985,6.7153106353106375,23.176482976482976,7.554174236665415,0.8016312951912958,1517,47,344,21,35,499,180,407,0.244,0.66,0.096,-0.9974,0,1,1,0,1,4,41.0,0,1,0,5,13,29,10,0,8,0,30,8,2,0,6,68,67,39,6,11,14,8,1,1,1,2,3,3,2,0,23,31,1,0,4,2,1,6,9,20,0,4,11,8,60,9,49,48,11,34,0,6,4,2,27,10,1,3,15,234,83,8,0.0,0.09906682139068253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659705521172882,0.0,0.0,0.13914414849690335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698127204201262,0.2548461998589283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789644733034546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852482419924304,0.0,0.0884506538375934,0.07202453349459742,0.08766583343978697,0.09035511794808812,0.0,0.06675756288379983,0.092515343298415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403018412617585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316962682230832,0.1711286837689928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563204985210807,0.14089382160797234,0.0798950698672286,0.07514528189692474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042276856272366665,0.0,0.0,0.09159311215363312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645986022803218,0.0,0.2184196987133115,0.0,0.04751875773576979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921082989996204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650995356858205,0.08581027116023855,0.0,0.0942370611163201,0.0,0.0560435159854478,0.0,0.0838698850420572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726944604984059,0.0,0.0,0.2775136363374401,0.0,0.09190219104449276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811558295990116,0.040848712661584574,0.0,0.2214933955248091,0.0,0.07021321578198461,0.0,0.09127262715041758,0.0,0.15092660587788892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426146306595014,0.0,0.0,0.2937769033049315,0.06673848509643815,0.0,0.12292922069903425,0.06199740985783825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846441476850713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665781164366032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905438982469608,0.0,0.057966193230602536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601548095318822,0.0,0.0,0.08000561301187067,0.0,0.08405338603266209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976824511622952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649180205979961,0.0,0.16924008328126988,0.0666281228143796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582675360647057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436878036657669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335456714047681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914582099264233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308077527356148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875496430206086,0.0,0.0,0.1597901397344572,0.0,0.05676721641455763,0.0,0.08167700037846659,0.08704328124007123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958999610582843,0.0663674971581407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939572996760908,0.0,0.0,0.05384353544501884
suicidewatch,Cynistesia,2019/01/28,"Don't stop. Keep scrolling. I'll start this off by saying that the only thing weaker than my will to live is my writing skill so buckle in buckaroo if you ignored my advice in the title.

I'm a 19 y/o in my first year of college and I have many friends, A family that loves me, and two cats that mean the world to me...but I'm so lonely. I spent most of my earlier years as a socially awkward loner that hid away in books. Sometime later in high school I decided that I wanted to break out of my shell and bury the old me that I despised. I started to make friends, got invited to parties, dated people, joined extracurriculars...the whole shebang. But after I graduated, I no longer had anything really. I haven't seen a single one of high school friends since and the only one who has stuck with me is a friend from middle school. Now in college I'm a social butterfly once again, the only thing that seems to distract me from everything is that feeling I get when I'm leading the conversation and making people laugh...it eases me at least a little bit but it's all that there is to me. I'm not smart...I'm not good-looking...I don't think I'm even a good person. I want to do something grand and magnificent, I want to BE something grand and magnificent but I'm just not. I don't know if the people I spend my energy to entertain even see me as anything more than the court jester. I have very little drive or motivation to do things for myself so I want to maybe just live a little in someone's mind but I don't know if I'd really be memorable enough to even do that...I know I won't cement any sort of legacy otherwise though and that scares me, I don't want to fade away, I don't want my memory to die.

I'm going to be turning 20 next month and I know I have so little to be truly upset about compared to most people and I know I'm still young but I imagine that's when I'm going to make the decision on whether to be selfish or not and maybe lift the burden of my existence off a few people's shoulders. I just wish I could know what would happen after though and how long it would last before the last memory of me faded and I truly died.",3.072945752164504,4.1348404084821455,4.665259740259742,85.7948917748918,73.48660714285714,7.4838744588744595,24.066829004329005,7.898369717300924,1.135893452380952,1685,47,358,23,33,568,210,448,0.093,0.762,0.145,0.9642,0,2,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,0,4,20,20,1,4,22,0,29,2,1,6,1,72,73,35,2,13,18,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,19,15,0,3,15,2,2,4,13,9,0,4,5,4,47,11,53,58,10,51,0,1,2,1,13,22,0,9,24,231,66,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533360051506527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242533605967942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688061525925093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486130944593725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559977965593869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416471000483781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155184448904285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001905380362835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965684525841008,0.0,0.15275600275052878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928549374182197,0.0,0.07267566021626562,0.0,0.038980130045966885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655745815039019,0.0,0.0,0.2382449538302603,0.0,0.04027748991360455,0.0,0.08762654177641907,0.12932255074712895,0.0616576706777912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817237324993225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290427289693898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852308489974608,0.0,0.0,0.25420712472169915,0.12568085622039316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30906652809436463,0.13614764078414787,0.06822416643727358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957871567619238,0.0,0.1543789159545972,0.0781593854163543,0.15489894311911445,0.08397600047520237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784114022126579,0.0,0.061534254377149086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198842374866312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089529012674135,0.08210067143190714,0.1044793326997368,0.17589626413030388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672301052662972,0.06731393090409869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987744680790119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130680754935387,0.07718273582466466,0.2340642506431876,0.06143249808573763,0.0701818387544305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377146017719366,0.0,0.0,0.1571715682742111,0.06531996647004035,0.11869867586296662,0.0762461518874102,0.0,0.10913250452424968,0.0,0.0615659263415521,0.06445252680254099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364988598616205,0.049397565573603766,0.15148537992104213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385417034806987,0.07530787237361643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360913444768009,0.2728258432542806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607068235953863,0.0886522193900959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952816658819774,0.0,0.0,0.09928969175285222
suicidewatch,Procrustes3200bc,2019/01/28,"What's worse than being suicidal? Being immortal and sucidal. There is nothing worse than wishing for a total cessation of existence, and never getting it. ",5.909871794871794,9.506089730769233,7.3053846153846145,58.12294871794876,74.76923076923076,11.158974358974357,39.43589743589744,10.504223727775694,6.525220512820513,127,8,14,5,3,43,22,26,0.371,0.569,0.06,-0.8851,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960900832842092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651415944167701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298627792478445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760356434228593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953259561338877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7006751523970902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaylee616,2019/01/28,I’m looking for someone You usually always see my posts on here and your name used to be skulltotem13,8.116500000000002,7.121213650000001,7.5500000000000025,76.55500000000005,62.5,10.0,40.0,8.841846274778883,3.5779999999999994,83,4,15,1,1,26,20,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507854108098015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540180741831028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037537421565168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359418802070315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572003912388536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641067298564315,0.4643069429852679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snowhamster,2019/01/28,"I'm terrified of going back to work tomorrow, and I feel trapped I'm a woman in my 30s, and I've struggled with depression and anxiety since my early teens. Recently, I've just been feeling less and less able to function day to day. I keep trying to clean up my home and set goals for myself, but I just can't seem to find the energy for it. For the past three weeks, I've been off work (with partial pay) because I was having panic attacks at work, and bursting into tears at random intervals. Although being off work helped to remove some of my immediate stress for the moment, it created a whole host of other problems - financial strain, guilt and embarassment when I have to explain to others why I'm not working, etc. 

I don't understand why this is happening now. 2018 was a year of so many positive changes in my life. I got a new home with two awesome, supportive friends. my family loves and supports me. I quit drinking and started exercising. I started dating a wonderful man who knows all my flaws and loves me anyway. I started a new full-time job, and while I don't know if it's a position I ultimately want to stay in for the long term, it pays alright and the people I work with are amazing. So why now? You'd think I'd feel happy with this life, right? But I feel so fucking crippled by whatever's going on in my brain that I can barely function. I have brief glimpses of happiness, but they never last. Every conversation that I have that goes past the most superficial of topics seems to end with me bursting into tears, and everyone around me being left concerned and unsure of what to do with me.

I've been seeing a doctor (GP) regularly, and I've put in referrals with my local mental health service to ask for help, but the wait for these sorts of services here in Canada is very long (3+ months). I've sat in my doctor's office, bawling my eyes out, begging for help. I've called mental health services and begged for someone to just tell me what I need to do to get some support. I'm willing to do anything to get out of this, but nobody seems to have any answers.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, because I simply can't afford to be off work any longer. I have absolutely no confidence that I'll be able to pull it together well enough to do my job properly, and I doubt it'll take my employer long to figure out that I'm not worth the trouble and fire me. I just feel so fucking helpless. I can't do the job that I have, and the idea of looking for a new job is overwhelming. I'm barely getting by as it is, and I don't know what to do if I can't support myself. I've been toying with the idea of suicide for ages, but I always end up deciding to suck it up and try again because I don't want to hurt the people who've done so much to try to help me. I'm just scared that I may be getting to the end of my energy here. I've been pushing through for so long, and I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.

I'm really not sure why I'm posting this. I guess I just needed somewhere to talk, and maybe some advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation. ",5.353094233473982,4.9912496962025354,6.417426160337553,80.32117440225036,67.86075949367088,9.490576652601973,31.47960618846695,9.075114841892004,2.4784534458509144,2416,88,499,39,36,812,275,632,0.113,0.7390000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.9829,6,1,1,0,0,1,68.0,0,1,1,10,25,31,5,8,23,1,46,17,2,0,3,95,106,42,1,7,17,0,6,0,1,3,9,0,3,2,27,38,1,2,21,3,3,8,13,18,1,2,11,9,58,13,92,86,12,74,0,4,3,5,19,26,4,15,37,318,85,21,0.12071170893786735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897904245463285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050220905924846036,0.0,0.0,0.08208810145862831,0.0,0.04617206346749587,0.0,0.0,0.042202216788193914,0.0,0.049667725575845666,0.053729506661583014,0.056424576486996426,0.06866349771246859,0.0,0.0928198530841034,0.0,0.11037710604442337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737709446684176,0.06163007560185727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384849112742615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778490660344036,0.0,0.05198440901379267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355354909097695,0.0,0.06176499422680772,0.0,0.05912575966577779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037211747828484,0.06236373180329221,0.06731273208246084,0.0,0.0,0.05085241051673466,0.057672605438386565,0.0,0.0,0.05689812805982127,0.0,0.15258866755004175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516415754610821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663078344352777,0.16739404468574187,0.12613377145596374,0.0,0.1029048689877212,0.0,0.048272090431041935,0.0,0.06648877827673036,0.0,0.053372482778607656,0.12849985878946674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831090186696253,0.0,0.0,0.16182102801486714,0.0,0.1210836862958285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461219051846717,0.13626882631114115,0.0,0.0,0.2395754899971715,0.0536470566359871,0.0,0.0,0.09950999752250624,0.049198076980767766,0.0,0.0,0.0655768124793432,0.0,0.08526224989216209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136521276681161,0.05068371674352427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894703021619996,0.0,0.0,0.06119136320555004,0.060635568192263865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121649010912425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048175467208663114,0.0,0.04436849766828842,0.08950620264491853,0.04655015578684468,0.1748761810416921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081459082397573,0.0,0.0,0.11523298499576533,0.0836862999559144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578042246820842,0.0,0.0,0.05775240149057671,0.0,0.060674304140141876,0.0,0.06419588057668688,0.0,0.0,0.03866550587277988,0.0,0.059594124903534926,0.0,0.0,0.0515435699376833,0.0,0.0,0.060426739487345525,0.0,0.048095801712919516,0.16483710930346335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992698651689255,0.06784250923425278,0.0,0.0,0.05113931962937674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816055332896809,0.06433131026191413,0.0,0.0,0.06913742737301752,0.06309704375189089,0.0,0.06601950863743211,0.27396443360844475,0.05688467855477222,0.0,0.04538009118187089,0.04851174958299555,0.05275367709781952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03867359448110354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874035201434276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293298996619985,0.0,0.0589588997674864,0.06283257306569119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049799900913297286,0.07119889346408946,0.0,0.04841382584595914,0.0,0.05426716161429754,0.0,0.21784708362234206,0.06738515608273989,0.0,0.0,0.06545334956318025,0.3515182471051287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038867191433574116
suicidewatch,skketched,2019/01/28,"should i just do it im so bored all i do when im not at work is sit in my room and smoke weed and play video games no one wants to hang out with me unless its drinking and literally zero girls have ever been interested in me

why not just kill myself at this rate im going to die anyway i dont see the point",1.591126760563384,1.991137408450708,3.9085633802816924,92.33185915492956,76.32394366197184,6.806760563380282,18.42535211267605,6.742157984588678,-0.2631543661971829,240,3,62,2,5,84,54,71,0.117,0.7659999999999999,0.117,-0.0008,0,0,2,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,14,10,6,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,0,0,4,0,2,4,2,0,2,1,1,7,2,9,8,1,12,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,2,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323216939728909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623513632302928,0.21928847349308925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20248578154967006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721951629251774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7253915345224207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476576427337229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168703339383036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161127449298114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838003264010466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203294765592824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199044668729646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296598185034958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousAngora,2019/01/28,"I just want to watch myself bleed I’ve been a self-harmer for the past 4 years and I’m trying not to cut anymore because the scars don’t fade like they used to, but all I want to do right now is cut myself and watch it bleed.",3.3241176470588236,2.750018274509806,3.996862745098042,96.6858823529412,72.13725490196079,6.8000000000000025,20.92156862745098,3.1291,-0.4733843137254907,176,2,46,0,3,56,37,51,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.6096,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,9,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661576105874868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506729662172287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037760292893554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524532035322209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31530375346418665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851670779552546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25066969690419666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31887933232371185,0.0,0.0,0.4355398428720703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377594598207572
suicidewatch,codoliprane1000mg,2019/01/29,Anyone just to talk My life is getting from shit to worst and I don't even know where to turn. I try my best but everytime it turns out terrible. I don't want to die but I feel like its the only outcome no matter how hard i fight,0.20117647058823707,1.9356063725490245,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,83.31372549019608,5.648627450980393,18.04313725490196,6.742157984588678,-0.2146580392156867,179,4,44,2,5,60,40,51,0.29100000000000004,0.529,0.18,-0.7108,0,0,0,0,1,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,10,9,4,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,7,2,6,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819643678230785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824570682946461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793359469540513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777150769223835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609068770203336,0.1922813233370355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062013889615774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241106172499724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791819311247625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010910851295032,0.13149344317475667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047012458354476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762793393692348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633314807646364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827356667916885,0.5855173749238434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875206413959358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,8BitKing,2019/01/29,"I've lost my ""spark"" I've posted on here a couple times before. And each time I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Maybe attention? Someone to talk to or relate to? Not sure. I know this time I guess I just want to vent and have this marked down somewhere.

​

I don't want to go into detail about every single thing on my mind right now because I doubt anyone wants to read a novel, I will just speak on the result of it; Of how I currently feel. Most of the time my emotions feel absent. And in turn I feel like a waste of space. Some things happened, I made mistakes, I wasn't treated fairly...it all piled up and in the end I think it finally broke me. So that's it, I forfeit. I can't recover from this one. I don't have the passion or drive to do much of anything I love anymore. I can't stop feeling jaded towards certain people and letting go of the past...I'm just broken. I'm too afraid to kill myself and I don't want to hurt anyone who cares for me, so I'm just passively letting it happen I suppose. My main regrets are that I wish I'd helped more people, made better choices, never hurt anyone whether purposely or accidentally. I never got to accomplish my dream...it's all over. ",1.1874898785425074,3.3900911700404883,2.924716599190284,91.01436234817814,82.64372469635627,5.095546558704454,21.64574898785425,6.297961479604792,0.3470842105263157,937,30,194,8,26,310,141,247,0.154,0.711,0.135,-0.6749,1,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,3,11,18,1,2,8,0,15,2,0,4,7,48,41,13,1,7,9,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,1,7,2,0,3,10,9,0,1,7,6,30,9,30,31,9,27,0,5,1,2,5,12,0,7,12,129,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219008240667978,0.1370321935824258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184104754917756,0.2365616417844395,0.0,0.09280301368124633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687457026575189,0.0,0.09596197553830753,0.0,0.0,0.0997390308145018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498013898837665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478177593332285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685505248872098,0.0998838826077002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501657050315876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808675916718485,0.0805654388056758,0.0,0.1235378996641108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281836021791266,0.0,0.09019530120930183,0.0,0.12423276742644965,0.0,0.1994505362216146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558972603770855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145281190716206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476721213043508,0.0,0.06197738775991655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306371685681452,0.0,0.055095454751340284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947013700311887,0.0,0.12310563960393638,0.0,0.1017825219341445,0.21341809873255815,0.0,0.0,0.1132961777346495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138691262831222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290152706587689,0.0,0.1739558111133475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641826863882757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076551035819278,0.15636594488068367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800587689109137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280405713645635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630798613483027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555265364361054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428372828151148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257545180362092,0.0,0.0,0.09064309887468162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498434565664786,0.07226073020501332,0.0,0.0,0.2630366300021563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266522671159735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660670206912325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968400432361668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370321935824258,0.0
suicidewatch,vincethesweatshirt,2019/01/29,Idk what to do. Just got this random onset of intense suicidal thoughts and I’m really fucking scared. I need to do something but I have no family or close friends nearby to help and a hotline won’t help because it doesn’t even help when I have milder thoughts. How would I go about admitting myself and what would happen?? Or any other ideas are appreciated ,3.157701863354035,5.73957466666667,3.987619047619052,84.03000000000002,77.69565217391305,6.8414078674948255,25.799171842650104,7.957251820313856,1.7312302277432725,288,11,53,5,7,92,52,69,0.111,0.632,0.257,0.9297,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,18,8,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,5,12,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,3,1,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615737175466718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998130037940792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166951517561816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647624875476412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741281515865678,0.2122907266788476,0.0,0.0,0.1305049379576626,0.0,0.18365737876430813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306247767050933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617516908131135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592261410694906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026893194521533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710789182281198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990130492428415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767816350516053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511797147252044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36460370243725104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262474199125792,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theused1one,2019/01/29,below zero. i have been fairly depressed for quite sometime. i am tired. im going through with my plans tonight. ill leave a few items from where im jumping from to leave some sort of indication that someone might be below but other than that i am gone forever. gooooodbye,2.030054945054946,4.866437500000004,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,87.46153846153847,4.509890109890111,24.736263736263727,6.18269132825596,0.9035956043956044,218,9,39,2,7,68,42,52,0.16899999999999998,0.831,0.0,-0.6522,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,10,4,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883793190748796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443989915419253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5488979946401914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380661010219314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26953774299286104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702443676652136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528037269558106,0.0,0.25129069841844043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920265160548425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blueballooons,2019/01/29,"The first attempt was a cry for help, but I am ready to go now. 

I’m so lost. I haven’t felt happy in a very long time and I don’t see how anything could change that. I’m so fucking young but I’ve already made a mess of my life. 

I’ve got some stupid, evil fucking disorder that makes me pull out my facial hair. As of 2017 I no longer have eyebrows or eyelashes. Recently I’ve started to pull at the hair on my scalp, so my mum thinks it will be a good idea to shave it. I’m a 16 year old girl, of course I don’t want to do that. I haven’t left the house in a while. My anxiety is bad enough as it is, I don’t need people staring at me because I look funny. 

“YoUr hAiR WiLl gRoW bAcK.” Yeah, it does. But I end up pulling it out again because my brain is a fucking asshole and half the time I don’t even understand what goes on in there. 

As a result of me not leaving my house for a long time, I failed school. Didn’t pass Year 10. 

I’ve also tried getting a job. No luck for the past year. Either I’m “too young” or they don’t want to hire someone who left school at the age of 16.

I am nothing but a burden to my family and it shows. They are tired of me, and after two years of trying to make them understand how much I’ve been hurting, I’m ready to give up. 

Sorry if this sounded dramatic, but I need to get it off my chest. I am seeing my favourite artist live this weekend so hopefully all goes well until then. I pray something will go right soon because at this point I don’t know what I’m waiting for. ",0.6214702920443074,2.1592215649546844,2.402425981873116,97.489943101712,81.08459214501511,5.500946626384693,20.701007049345414,6.2581,-0.0855136757301107,1162,32,287,9,30,384,172,331,0.142,0.732,0.126,-0.8142,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,3,4,15,16,5,0,17,1,25,12,7,6,1,38,59,25,0,7,10,1,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,16,6,0,1,6,3,0,7,12,11,1,3,7,9,34,5,39,47,5,52,1,3,4,3,9,18,3,6,27,171,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174278633014327,0.08097748275848636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746352463664566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332824645143246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786259088476723,0.08454776318355274,0.18518123365686254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303950538948836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711951760492258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084776790596858,0.0,0.11122921418851056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605258563207067,0.0,0.08861319604182058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968619074212604,0.10462851586389132,0.0,0.06688119020715255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545879507516032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722535643337743,0.0,0.0,0.08613159508001808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808393589268578,0.10580820715940588,0.09713769576716642,0.11509663716419935,0.08493197608134187,0.08098676960798619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779301627000906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787235748723637,0.0,0.0,0.10057390044077616,0.0,0.2336805929012828,0.10840078688660727,0.11431006967655853,0.0,0.0,0.10048479793846032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556497772735365,0.0,0.0,0.10721958328513642,0.2200382936171944,0.0,0.0715228419425841,0.0,0.0,0.0894143218163139,0.17922359986078906,0.0850327892190194,0.0,0.11053711156096876,0.0,0.0,0.09581453889776266,0.13518350121789496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443765675835448,0.15016582350923635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716157782301628,0.0,0.10625520153205206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966640052643266,0.07020084518150599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572330877351756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998190715288567,0.0,0.0,0.08647537709765139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496079219259966,0.16138201505898714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579716063156424,0.0779547962906558,0.0,0.1133521360222132,0.07167225832155405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648832370462191,0.0,0.0,0.17713633637365814,0.11638332651004228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374976119287239,0.0,0.0989161809478883,0.21083019497642486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354999888656561,0.11945139168060068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104478541725346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608321495781901
suicidewatch,treetrunks_,2019/01/29,"I dont usually feel comfortable explaining my problem When someone is very kind and does take the time and effort to ask me whats going on, i feel uncomfortable and really awkward talking and spilling what ive been keeping in for so long. I want warmth and comfort, but in a physical way, you know?",12.478448275862071,7.407986155172415,11.792413793103455,62.16896551724139,58.13793103448275,15.737931034482761,49.68965517241379,13.023866798666859,6.178282758620689,239,12,44,6,2,79,48,58,0.121,0.748,0.131,0.1456,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,13,8,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,7,3,5,12,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517882799316683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356935153211945,0.0,0.3156541166120198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723638565428626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530671064052101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939391227659385,0.0,0.2804669599796759,0.14801736330840798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383496034821534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577135485737606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254043933566265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820341999951085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025035155462586,0.21647818635897545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570491667754217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966302247074103,0.2222264157289045,0.15885849779034353,0.21378254048307427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Good-time-donkey,2019/01/29,Can someone help me make sense of my thoughts? (BPD) Can someone help me make sense of my thoughts? I have BPD and have been close to killing myself but have been stopped by police in the past. They we really rough with me =( So much so that I'm scared of reaching out and scared to be honest about the way I feel. Do I have PTSD if I have nightmares about the incident and have an anxiety attack whenever I hear sirens or see a police officer? Please. I was thinking I need to seek help for my (potential) PTSD but I feel like I'm faking it and will be laughed at by a counselor/ therapist. They have seriously misdiagnosed me in the past too so...everything is terrible by the way. I should slit my wrists haha bring on the mood swings. I self destructed tonight =(,2.0050657894736865,4.410733322368422,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,80.90789473684211,6.957894736842108,24.63157894736842,8.07648339933343,1.4714263157894734,603,23,127,12,16,192,90,152,0.189,0.655,0.156,-0.7864,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,0,2,0,5,13,3,2,9,1,18,1,1,2,0,22,31,10,1,3,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,5,5,22,4,18,22,1,13,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,5,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115346383163405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586562972838273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672535297068693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103333304279224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743912719731214,0.10415771632820216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432430490002697,0.0,0.2931748411729931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613032595712363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122926197677601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464183930951304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717789001472004,0.10810695027847207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783602970801345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004180091729947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34085879754701043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340156988813766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919373329763093,0.0,0.11618167882752935,0.0,0.1520985214074108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470673862181456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218931836069032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928205877403787,0.0,0.093421108975978,0.0,0.2314937545001635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23145443436536264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BCthisisaThrowaway,2019/01/29,"I just want to not think anymore I dont want drugs or a temporary release. I want to stop being in constant pain. Everyone left me and no one wants me around. I am alone and everything is so hard. I lost my job, I have no where to go and everything is so expensive. I left someone I loved very much the day after Christmas because he was always hurting me. I dont have anyone and I dont mind being alone but after awhile it feels like drowning. I just want silence. ",0.7923863636363642,3.1034218750000018,2.6865530303030307,91.34556818181822,85.45833333333334,5.5742424242424224,23.310606060606066,6.980632752743323,0.8947208333333334,364,14,76,5,11,121,62,96,0.16399999999999998,0.72,0.116,-0.3447,1,2,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,0,0,19,21,8,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,3,0,1,2,2,15,2,7,17,1,11,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,1,6,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28615188733816066,0.0,0.0,0.11494721329466585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370021314168089,0.09659378152038234,0.0,0.0,0.12297781070872002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421154840922743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492850274659551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909171423190082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48571264912073997,0.0,0.16020365438664588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320029011126535,0.24831057114804456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698499630471462,0.09869039209467988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851065014167867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237502545098312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788644506086934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370870080982285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30018860522060475,0.0,0.0,0.06749037940647826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080093923255486,0.0,0.12468072100115482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948647071190845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155203437932143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361022551311618,0.0,0.14699538914848784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170493079113065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549491010275614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851735809671077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139836035793605,0.4074057527759527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,punchjackal,2019/01/29,"I'm only still alive so I can have a cool obituary. Anyone else read memorials when they're at their worst? I find myself reading them for hours at a time, just bawling, wondering what my family would say about me. What would my stone look like? What would they decide to make my final outfit? What music would they choose to play to remember me by?

It's weirdly helpful to me though. The obituary that I imagine isn't satisfying enough to think about. I don't want all of the suffering I've been bearing for all of these years to go in vain, you know? I want to leave more art, and I want to tell my story in a more permanent and personal form. I want to take lots of photos of the pretty skies and old buildings that make up so much of my life.

I've always been pretty isolative and my mental illnesses are as widely known about as they are serious, so I'm sure my memorial is gonna be like, ""yep. She died. 21. History of attempts. We all saw it coming. She liked drawing and the internet. Here's a list of the 67 relatives that she managed to outlive and the 11 that beat her there. Please donate to help us bury her because we're poor as dirt. Too poor to afford the roof over our head, let alone the dirt over hers."" Like, that's really disappointing. I want people to remember me fondly enough to crack jokes at my funeral, and to be celebrated. 

It's like I'm living just to bulk up my obituary. The way I see it now though, it's something to hold onto even though it's fragile.

Anybody else do this, or am I just a death-obsessed weirdo? ",2.382320858055685,4.30161044408946,3.774115700593338,87.91430910543133,77.14696485623003,7.282930168872662,22.99965769055226,8.192908349453996,1.2441529895025112,1211,37,253,22,28,398,176,313,0.155,0.711,0.134,-0.4768,1,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,3,1,5,2,19,16,0,0,14,2,18,3,1,2,4,40,38,18,2,9,4,0,1,5,0,5,2,1,0,1,17,9,0,1,10,5,3,2,2,6,0,0,3,6,39,10,43,27,11,23,0,2,3,0,20,12,0,3,13,166,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107262802657368,0.0,0.0,0.08923574947371661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498762467929923,0.1098843366323777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537505713492837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238136560271153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130252786803144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791775033623849,0.0,0.0,0.22162381362744,0.0,0.07083376989182147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110026905264796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748075787522648,0.09801923824471984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060949339320665076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006346931933182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376702739217095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561391526968053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893859702130778,0.0,0.0,0.11355610249747207,0.0,0.1096644407556396,0.07574973639790751,0.2619704478247692,0.0,0.09469857634041798,0.0,0.09005810162983062,0.0,0.0,0.0911751673216155,0.0,0.0,0.14317264673042687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807691001981716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788368124696409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253472720534184,0.0,0.0,0.08156403201113395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434961157832969,0.09364148196444723,0.0,0.11772190555802015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821177345058626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454640494654925,0.0,0.06870336828453939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429735014021647,0.0,0.0,0.08528487693891461,0.0,0.0,0.08545972704702445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256180976016188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564534121993912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107637110335772,0.0,0.08063427716457032,0.0,0.09373614088847793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871774064626145,0.3161005890139593,0.0,0.06253494418639564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290015447242301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162769818148598,0.08512543881402594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630173921147675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047327558623734,0.0,0.0,0.06906173621606244
suicidewatch,jimmy_23456,2019/01/29,"Someone please help me, anyone I think my girlfriend is close to the edge of suicide and I don’t know what to do and she doesn’t want help
What do I do??",0.7216666666666676,2.168032147058824,2.0182352941176482,100.7787254901961,80.47058823529412,4.533333333333334,20.15686274509804,3.1291,-0.720949019607843,119,3,30,0,3,38,24,34,0.119,0.634,0.247,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27498134119184403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527196989910485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161291883320433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316889302261134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332137449058924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43017012876504257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519895325048034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319589906188008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mentallyilldude86,2019/01/29,"This is for if im found dead or something Well, dunno when i will do it. 26 year old male, many mental health problems that I've been tired of talking about but yeah im kind of a shit talker. I just day dream about a better life because my life is horrible, and I've done pretty shitty things to people so ill go to hell. Anyway, im super lazy, privileged, unintelligent, dyslexic or retarded and small. I live online and im a crybaby because my life is easy. My mom's health isn't good and i won't cope with her death well. Im obsessed with getting a girlfriend, too short and unskilled to get friends, and it's finally over for me. I've found peace and maybe God will forgive me for being a pervert who failed. Im proud i worked hard on my body but i still look like frodo baggins. I think i did somethings right but I got super anxious and ocd. I just want to die. ",0.3786639879457567,2.6929999779005565,2.1567579105976904,94.25337895529886,87.89502762430939,4.6168759417378205,20.38196885986941,6.11248444174946,0.06275469613259688,680,22,147,6,22,223,115,181,0.29600000000000004,0.468,0.236,-0.9573,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,6,11,17,2,1,5,1,12,9,2,0,0,25,21,16,3,3,8,1,1,1,2,3,7,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,5,2,0,6,2,17,12,15,11,0,12,1,1,1,0,9,5,2,4,7,78,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816699235737245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127525046080165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250923336965268,0.0,0.11618580587815593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745764195887367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855715174301628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704099813612657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458299019647485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937460590940334,0.08081285631365556,0.0,0.10929722381047684,0.0,0.059445969503181685,0.08773260078439281,0.08365730146241042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370007562448017,0.0,0.0,0.22236749439579956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6779086149004974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108923665842777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164390475635395,0.051101742613462516,0.0,0.09236275148955596,0.0,0.08783673822672916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604687455778067,0.10508366143478144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541109663608504,0.0,0.0,0.12250497604695156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975895778462434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251571209337537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064146927133352,0.0,0.10008702789818363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893268953182257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736927522006247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105069816453316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835328224882641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840726395541355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949086620966193,0.0670227562811362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202210568241833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061695145591676125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809395897871606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614925028371383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735826689338474
suicidewatch,SoF_AOI,2019/01/29,"Give me a reaaon to not do it What's the fucking point?
I'm alone, I'll always be alone, no one gives a shit how good of a person you are, no one will ever see the good in you, so what's the point of all of this? I'm convinced I was born to suffer and die alone, all the love I give to those I care about means nothing, I swear I'm trying to be a good person, I help the homeless whenever I can, I try to break fights, I listen to those who need someone to listen to them, I care about everyone way too fucking much, and then what? Everything's always the goddamn fucking same, broke up a 5 year old long distance relationship that turned toxic at the end in hopes that I might find someone who's actually able to be with me, but no one ever tries to see the good in me, i know I'm ugly and fucking fat or whatever the fuck I am, but I'm not a bad person, I swear, why should I keep going if I'm always going to be alone? No one will ever love me.
I wish I could just get a hug, just a single hug, that's all I need, but I'll die without it.
There's no hope left for me",4.71439775910364,2.9657105378151267,6.12651260504202,86.46383053221291,69.67226890756302,8.941736694677871,27.396358543417364,7.1686216300943375,1.1344946778711482,820,18,202,6,12,282,115,238,0.181,0.624,0.195,0.6957,0,4,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,2,1,0,11,23,7,0,17,0,14,11,2,1,6,34,48,11,2,8,10,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,3,13,4,1,1,3,0,0,2,8,10,0,4,1,4,25,13,24,38,6,21,0,2,2,9,18,8,6,5,9,128,38,0,0.08423073584424733,0.0,0.08219704775426523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489505586953094,0.0,0.0,0.2102601594179321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032914610975986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175769775496064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725138865427631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748364109763286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746034309510603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22857456861526795,0.0,0.08048607772806278,0.07570115414760913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698536659319992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893497900600583,0.044007082983202966,0.2424053910288457,0.09574053655671004,0.2825949797038416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645808672868926,0.0,0.0,0.16732025242517048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748681481869018,0.0,0.0,0.0462910095959523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915169409505816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454155063547903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204305537384766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175196442073913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893554998579357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061919282558203365,0.12491204668946178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082166275806349,0.0,0.08838598813366806,0.0,0.2283077060665579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206410888247796,0.0,0.0,0.15925054230534608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043228782381016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342419821554651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646163991592118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273685828352306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715614217625942,0.09161885313386213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685843749512939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600513784656117,0.0,0.09686118930731363,0.08119542357303636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054241832270542516
suicidewatch,Dios_Pepinillo,2019/01/29,"I dont really know anymore Hi, i dont know exactly what's going on with me anymore, I've read some posts just now and usually people don't have a girlfriend or to many friends, but that not really my case, even though pretty much nothing is perfect I do have a girlfriend...

Who is gonna go to United states, we are from Venezuela and I also have a family not ""a functional family"" but I guess that they are all overwhelmed by everything that happens al the time, and food, we have good food wich not a lot of people has right now, and I have some friends that really care about me, a bunch of them are not here in Venezuela anymore but I'm still in touch from time to time I'm twenty something, (I don't know if I should say somethings hehe I got banned from hispana-chan for spam apparently guess I don't really recalled using this forum or whatever but I don't have any other opcions, I have indeed talked it with my ""beloved ones"" but I haven't got any progress, my family is horrible at it, my girlfriend is a really good person but a not-so-good counseling service, I tried the suicide hotline I found in here called La esperanza but it wasn't working or something and I don't really now how to scape this atmosphere of loneliness when I'm surrounded by people who loves me, I don't understand why I feel so empty after I basically try any sujestion that I have got, all after already trying what I guessed was what I would feel happy to so... I'm running out of opcions right now and I don't really see a point in life, everyone and everything feel kinda bummed and pale, I don't know how much longer I can hold, I consider myself someone really mentally strong, with the will to keep going for longer but don't really see a way out, it's not like in a bunch of years I will start enjoying life all of a sudden and being happy I didn't kill myself, but I'm giving it a try, so....

Any idea about anything(?)",4.349553925455986,5.084314244845364,5.618659793814434,81.35921094369549,70.21134020618557,9.26819984139572,28.325138778747025,9.466822959209583,2.3837724821570183,1509,52,305,32,26,506,176,388,0.087,0.7490000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9868,1,0,3,0,0,2,44.0,2,0,2,4,19,14,1,1,16,0,38,5,0,3,5,65,71,30,2,3,19,0,4,1,5,5,2,1,0,1,18,16,2,3,10,1,0,4,19,2,0,1,7,7,41,12,35,58,10,35,0,1,2,1,18,13,0,11,16,203,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343137505861901,0.060460840088284465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056544360425574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493785473731387,0.0,0.0,0.062216008844869004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720058215469856,0.0,0.07708376118965103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721567164626253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993601688124853,0.0,0.0,0.07224327847632077,0.1358967840013849,0.0,0.21381940068227426,0.0,0.1146836233773952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284236803027,0.08289636163866901,0.11682359929026395,0.0,0.0,0.0725266640831409,0.12890322971087928,0.19024024145889604,0.1814033220002274,0.0,0.2498604296485841,0.0,0.06685675299457143,0.1609646557864102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534820554755715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720069645768015,0.08364510661387549,0.0,0.16620088301430075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680329795499936,0.03693650846183847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427618777704694,0.06823595521001362,0.0,0.0,0.07665103143514079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761914890519741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115591911485596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725444953259819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051231522436039706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572437891372947,0.06601487724433075,0.0,0.0,0.07147062945557657,0.0,0.07240815061280592,0.07691689161368348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562489555182539,0.0,0.4359072385001441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913155035625673,0.0,0.06012368198164428,0.0,0.0,0.1204938937742416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405939320743123,0.17461196540405635,0.0,0.0,0.05351320887647081,0.0,0.060377800186136525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269898179750594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076798174554486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742809744244894,0.0,0.13225666373520276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532179673052012,0.0,0.0,0.07870688412400413,0.0,0.06529795809139646,0.08326760484913595,0.0,0.0,0.06001128213467701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822124389800882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504092979259892,0.0,0.0,0.05370722207872297,0.0,0.0,0.04868677794222292
suicidewatch,chanhann25,2019/01/29,"What's the word... There is a word in the English language that means the some sort of calmness that you feel right before you kill yourself. It's like you are at peace with your decision to end your life, maybe a numbness to the world living on around you. I can't remember what the word is. It's like virtigo or librio or something. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Sorry if this isn't the right place for this kind of post... If anyone can suggest another subreddit that is more appropriate for this type of post, please let me know. Thank you! ",2.946422018348624,5.112057816513765,3.3839357798165146,90.21553669724771,76.33944954128441,6.5618348623853215,23.74403669724771,7.554174236665415,1.0084891743119266,438,14,89,6,10,136,71,109,0.07,0.7909999999999999,0.139,0.7845,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,7,0,0,3,7,1,0,8,0,8,2,0,0,0,17,14,4,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,5,13,13,2,11,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,6,3,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951407053646632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26024906565825884,0.0,0.0,0.16566729156829432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583562805291282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285621993249974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482820456576908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409709058469704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058906304724548,0.1937931506346469,0.2045499490296341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029852168706807,0.13144701012817214,0.18183684192704574,0.0,0.16432855499265156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696115001367497,0.2027160328695019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944335246092609,0.2042804800126044,0.0,0.0,0.3564622100330261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108135408677808,0.317854533194233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326786547133127,0.0,0.20832225016621705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957907976476142,0.0,0.17133467293642354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,s-ch3t,2019/01/29,"I don't want to live this life Since 9 I've always thought I'd be dead by 15, I have bad anxiety and my parents aren't very supportive and helpful when it comes to mental health. As I've gotten older I've been having more and more urges to kill myself and I know I should get help or see a school counselor but the only thing that's stopping me is that I'm scared my parents will find out how bad my mental health actually is. 

My father has a very old fashioned view on mental health and thinks I should just ""get over her insecurities"". I do wonder why he has these views on mental health when he married a woman who had some pretty bad trauma in her life and is diagnosed with MDD...

I easily get anxious in social situations, I am paranoid and I've never fully trusted someone. I'm 14 and I am still scared of the dark and I don't like people teasing me about my behavior or looks. I'm fixated on always being the best and even if I do get first place it usually doesn't feel like an achievement at all, it's just something that stops me from feeling bad. My emotions are dulled to the point where feeling something, other than sadness is a relief, I'm apathetic and my empathy is very impaired. I'm not confident and my self esteem is quite low to to the point where I dismiss my friend's compliments are lying to try to make me feel better. Getting praise from parents or anyone remotely close to me doesn't make me feel any better about myself but anything negative makes me disappointed and angry at myself. 

I used to be a very sensitive child and I think if I had been less sensitive I would have turned out a better person. I do think my parents weren't exactly *the best* at parenting.

I want some sort of relief from this and I've been thinking of killing myself this weekend, (please don't put ""don't kill yourself life will get better"" or a variation of that in comments, I hate it) and yes I know it's wrong but I don't see how I can change this without this whole situation making my relationship with my parents worse. So what can I do?",3.8143758765778415,5.162266415458942,4.952686613682406,83.34070827489481,72.04347826086956,7.660776063581114,26.881408757986602,8.155646560271837,1.6907309646252149,1632,56,322,24,31,538,200,414,0.244,0.637,0.119,-0.996,6,0,2,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,0,10,13,33,5,3,14,1,43,8,0,7,3,69,82,31,4,7,13,7,5,2,1,5,8,0,0,4,19,22,0,2,14,1,0,2,13,18,0,1,8,10,48,15,37,66,9,32,1,4,5,0,24,19,0,10,13,210,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0638029274304647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880531648749024,0.0,0.0,0.04446167235826623,0.0,0.05001668016482297,0.07386250205858585,0.0,0.04571627561821197,0.0,0.05380341613690503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836333679050976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722773295019247,0.2312985480594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916497379362647,0.056320386062931826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663608616498233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354540447966973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043183874156577394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529429287906286,0.04670856751702762,0.0,0.0,0.05975752039949365,0.055613483422174564,0.0,0.0,0.05051359645149823,0.0,0.20495485899185767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455071027522644,0.0,0.27798997308655105,0.0,0.0,0.08764770290004789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700487844777336,0.0,0.07186394175039534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854269322373766,0.06388421154985431,0.0,0.057733075759445335,0.0,0.05490400600592483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457067634585216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635567576682884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042625515864923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860690183936337,0.0,0.0,0.049725588507446385,0.0,0.0,0.43559061144048505,0.0,0.0,0.04532731033365076,0.05708861718307332,0.06830976762951763,0.07176926998032047,0.12361333005956905,0.0,0.0,0.06651650602929231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657264812636553,0.0,0.06954128937650138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019527896723103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309166052095248,0.06616958392683532,0.10420120526947314,0.0,0.06820717952390944,0.0,0.0,0.0540842650007792,0.14698312490787635,0.0,0.06664822104991174,0.05539754565116715,0.10066776929329498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221376248909792,0.10932374858197423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419416863390198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043436573497115286,0.16757533978070013,0.0,0.05190561987635189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438975706001212,0.07111631375421124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646863688800136,0.07200850195312566,0.2157863893584702,0.07712742327380769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589966480166555,0.07299612680338081,0.0,0.06302544750030227,0.07090346423704015,0.0,0.0,0.06662934967978443,0.04644515250510183,0.07148442310027563,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyBombGoBoom,2019/01/29,"I tried I'm so fucking hurt deep down inside. no one is even there to listen, they only say that they are to make it seem like they care. no one in this world gives a single fuck about me. i try to love life, I'm not saying my life is a shit hole because it's not. I just can not be happy. I am broken down, I'm useless. While the tears roll down my cheeks, I realize more and more how much of a disappointment I am. I'm Aaron, I've always tried to be happy, funny, and make people laugh. that's just all to remove me from the pain. and when I'm alone I just realize how much of a nobody I am. I cry, I'm in pain. I just wish I didn't feel like this. and I'm fucking conflicted as fuck. Im a coward for thinking of killing myself, of coming close, for not telling anyone my issues. yet I do not want anyone to know how I feel. it really hurts to keep it all inside and some days I cant handle it anymore and just let all the pain out with my tears and sobs. ",0.7439360587002106,2.0169306367924555,2.918427672955975,95.11640461215931,79.89622641509435,5.654507337526206,17.438155136268342,6.139981653823899,-0.4916517819706496,733,12,180,5,18,250,112,212,0.285,0.625,0.09,-0.9922,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,3,0,14,21,6,0,8,0,13,12,2,5,3,41,39,14,1,2,10,0,2,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,9,11,0,2,7,0,0,2,9,14,0,2,1,5,24,7,23,35,9,15,0,5,0,5,9,9,6,2,6,116,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172947290005967,0.0,0.0,0.09779745865631688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656185390693954,0.16436459978339066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716474561486218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198334462762399,0.0,0.0,0.10124488040307583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291052568661021,0.0757995169215559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762990419559204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885714629265474,0.0839661029094565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346320684050249,0.0,0.11274904039281365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502336307137009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516445259024162,0.0,0.12695657115158354,0.12267465264209655,0.0,0.10446935806459416,0.13003363140289947,0.0,0.06459345093695218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018617733497802,0.16603506458548306,0.1148420635963428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607875830875893,0.0,0.15690932257433993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280159473230894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928776169560802,0.089389679534219,0.3751924491479315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148307272957424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529510155944802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869350406229113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069982715050732,0.0,0.0,0.12064666000125045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272963937893184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531085287503171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393930133739161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693244248754673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515796120730705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,desertedcolor,2019/01/29,"anyone else struggle with misanthropy? not in an edgy 15 year old ""people suck"" way. the kind of hopelessness that you try so hard to fight. you read stories about people doing good deeds and how the violent crime rate is going down and blah blah, but the sadness doesn't go away. i try so hard to believe in people and i read about human nature and philosophy, and no matter what happens or what i read, i wish that i could kill myself so i could get out of this place. that i could check out and save myself the trouble of having to deal with all this.",5.053051948051948,5.568507136363639,5.234935064935065,85.5195454545455,68.54545454545455,7.7402597402597415,24.80519480519481,7.447530270364453,1.019155844155844,435,10,88,4,7,137,71,110,0.274,0.642,0.084,-0.9677,0,0,0,0,1,2,11.0,0,2,0,0,6,11,4,1,5,0,7,0,0,1,1,21,13,12,1,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,8,0,0,0,2,11,3,16,10,1,12,0,2,0,0,5,7,1,1,2,61,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975785613901384,0.16083546136589255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474795334386995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768526977200576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37598599690650586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618303310718212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112922779927222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201093091398834,0.0,0.17842060861469636,0.13165992714160168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388090420936183,0.0,0.2812305806412669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366528592606625,0.1634612650330475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471478396697106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264720281448764,0.0,0.16400140971639587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471040792730295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410029562367645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131461718415959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459636782840415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805090400461412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010842541116738
suicidewatch,dgs93,2019/01/29,"Too anxious for suicide? I hate my life as much as the next guy on the thread. I’m 25 and have already been through so much horrible shit that I’m pretty much just completely hopeless that I will ever be happy or successful.

I really do believe that the only solution to my problems is death. Once I die all of my problems will be gone and it seems like the best option for myself.

The problem is that once I start thinking about different plans to end my life my mind just jumps to the worst possible scenario...that I’ll survive and when I survive I’ll have more problems than I have now.

For example, my anxiety makes me think that if I jump off a building I’ll break every bone in my body and end up in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and a HUGE medical bill. Not only that but my family and coworkers and pretty much everyone I’ve ever known will know that I attempted suicide and I’ll be so embarrassed. 

Or that if shoot myself in the head I’ll survive the attempt but I’ll end up mentally retarded and deformed. And then I’ll really be fucked.

Does anyone else have these thoughts? 

",5.053051948051948,5.568507136363639,5.9322077922077945,80.52045454545458,68.54545454545455,9.558441558441556,32.077922077922075,9.606745405546679,2.916292207792208,870,36,171,18,14,287,118,220,0.227,0.695,0.078,-0.9884,1,0,0,1,0,5,15.0,0,0,0,8,10,14,3,1,12,0,15,9,4,1,3,35,27,22,4,6,9,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,6,0,1,3,1,10,0,0,3,0,21,4,21,17,9,22,0,1,0,1,1,8,2,6,11,115,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824694373719286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197240591738472,0.12105335621771958,0.0,0.07492446699096854,0.10979178748556673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072570090844023,0.11245136014072217,0.0,0.0,0.11902377699413225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234877846564736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120878426172882,0.1119529721244318,0.0,0.0,0.09377106076245596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951329631798,0.0,0.2847195322126991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385359336310976,0.0902817444944774,0.10239010059917927,0.0,0.0,0.1010151182119555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906201245689213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106099163330315,0.0,0.1140672713537278,0.0,0.10579224785610253,0.10997076929954068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058888956489856925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270578104824148,0.052349961089178484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152603039395085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794623593348666,0.10798588316267954,0.0,0.10819484759829824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31508165134268595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395934061469296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282307172799197,0.0,0.1629906707994586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079987154944573,0.0,0.21802798644257504,0.0,0.4101270718404894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729100691528753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754884533576624,0.0,0.0,0.10999189249688716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584405021212692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344178515783097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731972742873308,0.0,0.08506819180874457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gmasn3197,2019/01/29,SUICIDE HELP PLEASE.. Whats the fastest cleanest way to kill myself? Without a gun.,1.1690000000000005,2.180599066666669,0.8191666666666677,95.86875,125.0,1.5,30.41666666666667,3.1291,0.8126666666666678,66,4,11,0,4,19,15,15,0.407,0.369,0.224,-0.7553,0,0,0,1,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823889502524087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661067569137231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624616079952811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608345397136263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344088521896709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061187999209715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressedAndDisabled,2019/01/29,"Why can't I just hate myself in peace My parents seem to think that whenever I'm angry with myself and want to be alone that I'm mad at them. Everything is always about them. They must have done something, or something must have happened that I'm not telling them. You're fucking right I'm not telling you anything, when has that ever been good for me? I can't just have a bad day because I'm depressed. There always has to be a fucking explanation for why I hate myself so much and I'm so tired of trying to explain to them what it feels like to hate *everything* about my body and my actions. Philosophically I think suicide is the only question that really matters, like Albert Camus said. My life is bad because I always feel horrible, there doesn't have to be some external problem that can be fixed. I reject the idea that suicide is selfish or wrong, and I'd say the people who say that are themselves selfish. Fuck the world we live in, fuck this capitalist hellscape, and fuck god if he really exists. The world is going to boil over in the next few decades anyways, I won't have to wait long for death",4.828969696969698,5.808191836363638,5.201818181818184,83.89106060606063,69.27272727272728,7.684848484848485,29.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.8309030303030305,884,33,173,10,15,281,121,220,0.221,0.659,0.12,-0.9838,1,1,2,0,0,2,20.0,1,1,5,0,11,20,9,0,8,0,26,9,1,0,3,30,51,11,3,5,7,1,2,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,12,7,1,1,8,0,0,2,6,17,0,0,3,5,22,3,21,41,3,15,0,2,0,5,17,8,5,6,7,111,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995638781614672,0.0,0.0,0.26501688626244635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873659135735622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772890438883175,0.12943612235610627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792695355102392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846855474143017,0.0,0.09144097766539193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864510272874467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960336005021817,0.0,0.0,0.1908310562896096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736185872755244,0.0758453080832995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907456995861753,0.0,0.0,0.060336820245916925,0.08904735186380261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388261015740863,0.0,0.0,0.31445206531128783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984895990546082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498847862271238,0.10373509538461052,0.0,0.09374688949677842,0.09395393640562576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804453068335376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290918677565352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074434264325843,0.0,0.0,0.11788523990041215,0.0,0.0,0.07360242455711777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158692105976268,0.0,0.0,0.11893068211647362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602584798053066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066553831968628,0.1009885725217462,0.16885558881894985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664991687697863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634641861650985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322576529895281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855882523542446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360543038297785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202267632268447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208002683302346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261970223921404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159735280145312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607630851065673,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thegreatlock,2019/01/29,"Its been 7 years I've probably struggled with depression longer than I'll admit. I used to tell myself others have it worse and I'm fine. When I was 17 I thought about killing myself after high school if I didn't like where I was headed. When I turned 18 in 2012 it seemed like too rash of a decision to make at that age so I told myself ""I'd get through it."" I didn't, I'm not, and it got worse.

Everyday feels like another boxing match between me and whatever issues I may have. Except my opponent is relentless and can't be beaten. I've stood my ground round after round desperately searching for a way to win only to be knocked down over and over again. I've fought, I've fought for years and, like any fighter, I'm out of stamina. 

I've tried focusing on my career and education, I didn't even sign up for classes this semester. I've tried getting into photography as a hobby, which was always a curiosity of mine and, thanks to an important friend, I've finally got to try it. I like some of the photos I've taken and so do other people. The only problem is I've started to see a reflection of how I feel inside in my work. It's nothing drastic, just darkness, isolation, and deterioration. Now even my interests serve as a way to torment me.

I've stopped smoking weed because it kept me numb, and I thought I would never be able to work though this without acknowledging it. Now I feel it, I can clearly feel the vacuum in my chest trying to suck my ribcage inwards. My skin feels cracked like an old porcelain doll and every once in a while a fragment of me breaks away and shatters on the ground.

I don't know if I'm alienating my friends or if it's all in my head but, I don't feel I can talk to them about this at all. So that's why I'm here, to air everything out where someone might see it. I don't like venting to people who don't care, I don't want to be an attention seeker. It's just I've held as much as I could inside for so long and I wanted to leave it somewhere.

Tomorrow I leave to help a friend move home and then after that, I have no further obligations to anyone. This was intended to serve as a platform in which I could air my sorrows but, it could also be my note.",3.3205328005328028,4.34504816483517,4.803096903096904,85.18447885447887,72.84615384615384,7.976689976689977,27.63403263403264,8.391295532112219,1.7793882783882786,1725,63,367,28,33,579,223,455,0.119,0.8059999999999999,0.075,-0.9281,0,1,0,0,1,1,45.0,0,0,1,4,22,25,5,1,17,0,33,6,5,4,4,67,71,37,1,10,11,0,9,7,3,3,1,0,2,0,27,19,0,3,15,0,0,1,13,10,0,0,19,11,47,15,62,41,4,52,0,2,4,0,12,27,1,8,28,236,74,6,0.09387187021724576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506930069775886,0.07810891593948376,0.0,0.0,0.06383609075131863,0.098432840761925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656373942855953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819571214210972,0.0,0.0,0.057223420797234324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570862791867532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248471498346148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085170426631491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400296990359515,0.0,0.07909109931859368,0.0,0.08436598405812704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847866286957009,0.06706208283968693,0.0,0.1028320454022262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175755222118057,0.0,0.09808835553989592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015581994254806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267924175621495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292033587251968,0.09918078480783098,0.09416113967235933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797784382925756,0.0,0.0,0.10385531612072058,0.0,0.05158952490990604,0.0,0.0,0.19879351306402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210273789578137,0.0,0.0,0.08307365116677698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266020229702986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958321985185567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977094212337877,0.06900662564549598,0.0,0.07239977332877377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007259121178744,0.0,0.09850273684476384,0.09997047813494676,0.0,0.1427875746573854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015787047578992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120975305441653,0.08982270212491399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500334423981996,0.14960745386227425,0.08545742506489966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953733100933953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644299289563099,0.0,0.0,0.07848108680572115,0.0,0.09813526051922734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545065347737658,0.08204815214003701,0.08642460601252626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222863587492623,0.14904755872567702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969859478319954,0.0,0.25493135186446403,0.10210563881025607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107515614660699,0.0,0.0,0.11073612238084836,0.14902224240509854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470476203566901,0.0,0.0,0.09048913306392443,0.0,0.13667967905346656,0.0,0.19132691089921566,0.06668388328679882,0.0,0.0,0.12090081341949314
suicidewatch,jazzydrifter,2019/01/29,"Almost there... I made a decision today.

​

I'm just waiting until my roommates are either gone or go to bed so I can leave quietly. I've been here before and backed down so we'll see, but that's the plan.

​

Honestly though,  having decided, I haven't felt this calm in a while, so there's that.

​

​",2.6437723214285707,5.3093452968750015,3.4632142857142867,86.51750000000001,80.40625,6.1571428571428575,24.767857142857146,7.447530270364453,1.4371232142857149,265,10,48,4,7,84,51,64,0.021,0.8340000000000001,0.145,0.8046,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,13,9,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,5,2,4,8,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,4,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631919222663133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5034447400515921,0.5645968618565431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932119948834004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884507579945666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153347658521896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601738762967235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299849875072635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991503680421053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256585863066982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412830911429253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010773680910747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645968618565431,0.0
suicidewatch,teethingcats,2019/01/29,Boyfriend leaving me because I help my parents. Boyfriend has left me because I help my parents out with money and emotionally. I have two months to find a place to live. I have nothing and no one. Facing the ridicule of my family will be brutal. It would have been kinder of him to let me kill myself last month. ,2.724972677595627,5.097548737704923,3.076639344262297,91.11255464480877,78.01639344262296,5.3781420765027335,26.560109289617486,6.42735559955562,0.9588010928961744,247,10,49,2,6,76,44,61,0.166,0.687,0.147,-0.5126,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,9,1,1,0,0,6,9,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,12,0,7,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504402231916176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310661352647104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364857987061004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877471391911379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27537296337179057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272631396947727,0.0,0.0,0.16744202427317173,0.0,0.217506621795691,0.22318584182092688,0.21005248960885967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813867064442811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32792329476120397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710286043942365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919566979458148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561818641388528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146167271586122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066226429634929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592212752192554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,17374892947473839747,2019/01/29,"I took 400 mg of Prozac as a rash decision, I don’t wanna die I don’t want to call EMS, would I survive? I haven’t taken anything else and everything I read says I should be fine. Right now my stomach, chest, and head hurt. ",-0.5524999999999984,1.5702520833333369,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,90.66666666666666,4.866666666666667,18.416666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.17323333333333354,172,5,41,2,6,57,38,48,0.222,0.71,0.069,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,5,4,0,0,7,9,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,8,1,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24867253582350504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30856470686391463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31362035727931953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524368210556505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27158442429299695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31012902611032833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234953297147247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022668103823741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580643686255942,0.0,0.24030966850832464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357386925147966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782365628813198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466357862416333,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jimboyc1994,2019/01/29,Im Gay! Want to Die! I cant take it anymore....Help me to get over  this matter....,-4.925000000000002,-4.390152052631573,-0.6953947368421041,108.50848684210527,122.15789473684212,1.9,10.013157894736842,3.1291,-2.323957894736842,57,1,17,0,4,21,17,19,0.239,0.6920000000000001,0.069,-0.6351,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269296423076968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265260952977167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34031171515357844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484210209881533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817396750812736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994643878986494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JollyDoomBox,2019/01/29,"I just don't want to wake up anymore. I just had to stop taking my meds because it made me lose 10 pounds in 4 days. And I'm sad because it was the first med that I was ever able to say I was able to think straight. And now every hour I haven't taken it I feel myself going back to where I was before the meds.

Everyone says I'm just looking for a magic pill that would make me happy and that's not what I need.
 But here was my thought process today: i woke up and I told the clinic I'm worried about how much weight I was losing. They told me to not take it and they will be sending Prozac to my pharmacy. Great. I called my last psychiatric clinic and asked them to send me the outstanding bill. Something I was afraid of doing for a while. I was only on this med for a couple days and I felt the therapeutic effects. Lunch time came and I ate when I would usually only eat one meal. And then from there it went downhill. My mood dropped immensely every hour. The first hour I was angry and now I'm just sad and feeling like a failure even though in the past few days I've done so much to try to help myself but the people around me are saying I'm not doing anything. I even said I have an interview for a job where I'll be making more money and it was ignored and I'm just told you're going to keep being depressed if you keep doing this or that. I'm trying I really am. 

I don't think I could ever kill myself but I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. And it makes it so hard for me to make future plans because I just don't see myself living that long.

I'm so lost. I thought I was doing good and now I'm back to how I was.",1.898361344537815,3.0427945854341734,3.496225490196082,92.70551470588238,76.53501400560225,6.1084033613445365,20.59313725490196,6.367922702773337,0.04144985994397698,1285,28,297,9,28,427,174,357,0.108,0.83,0.062,-0.9382,2,0,1,0,0,3,22.0,0,1,3,7,30,14,1,1,14,0,33,12,3,8,3,62,76,30,1,8,15,0,5,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,16,18,5,4,8,0,2,7,8,9,0,3,28,11,48,4,28,40,4,46,0,6,2,0,17,10,0,2,29,201,64,2,0.16856060042346552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358341101780167,0.0,0.0,0.06935550592728085,0.07502733564972283,0.07879070369373485,0.0,0.0,0.12961269710072207,0.0,0.15412946624282325,0.0,0.0717163279427596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605960961864721,0.09639421091405943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458192353724827,0.0932545491473524,0.0,0.16306146390387918,0.0,0.07259049907523175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624800861183572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623978771661665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133268684681476,0.15247271335952026,0.1420195758158535,0.0805334386052294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522930425346033,0.06020986331126212,0.08092230511927667,0.0,0.0,0.14337756061097712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579687370121656,0.07069031716584169,0.0,0.09291932851903248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897179467612039,0.07549859465167226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649130867944273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489973562047344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363519329648271,0.14982440654813592,0.09324366501894492,0.0,0.0,0.06869969341438603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041175097521051716,0.0,0.0744210491736389,0.07458541354100394,0.07077422564184467,0.18857619574209167,0.09200190358643368,0.0,0.0,0.0797480578727482,0.22503101935435285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744656556064092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391143614250873,0.062492774695193515,0.06500216323898747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057110512614783525,0.12819793225360468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045508306684718,0.05842934828736417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399211843606225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016986549590795,0.20106923247577171,0.0,0.0,0.06716048746149814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488309266591566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704621047990377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673659389289252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800682657262037,0.08280496704357056,0.13381828833445492,0.04914452081768194,0.0,0.07988786996388161,0.24160031581568814,0.0,0.11444158307912695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282284365209653,0.0,0.04971070469216283,0.0,0.0,0.10263070041281848,0.0,0.07812868266447215,0.0,0.0,0.09691818588384576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855907359281424,0.0,0.11974061430093982,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Esca21212,2019/01/29,"Wish you were here Hey all

I don't really know who else to reach out to.

Nearing four years ago, at 22, my girlfriend passed away suddenly. 

Since then, I've just felt a dark emptiness.

I don't know what to do or where to go. I just wished she was here.

I'm reaching the end of my tether and I'm not sure there is anything anyone can do to help.

I feel so lonely, I just want a hug.",-0.3904761904761891,1.4686123333333327,1.5357142857142885,100.67595238095241,86.38095238095238,4.685714285714286,16.476190476190478,5.82211442006289,-0.8080380952380949,292,6,74,2,9,96,62,84,0.092,0.753,0.155,0.512,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,2,16,18,4,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,2,9,2,10,15,1,12,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,5,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508355704347652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754581955998602,0.0,0.20895340847381555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385649242231412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211644466162646,0.0,0.22489655124955346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838889564359218,0.0,0.24380171768857126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443078167578556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019631447995676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790940920349641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266678509657376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004412597069685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931531665982944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497677948446329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.583987817917786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351528147685507
suicidewatch,Arewenotmen3,2019/01/29,I'm so tired 30 year old drug addict who can't seem to quit. It's all becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm starting to think this may be my way out.,0.8601960784313754,2.3409689411764703,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,80.17647058823529,6.886274509803924,23.098039215686285,7.793537801064563,0.8949333333333342,120,4,29,2,3,41,31,34,0.102,0.898,0.0,-0.4927,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260380726167207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303070463702117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468343663511876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138309986320101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181052008773748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27226846590977,0.31200253458435306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168823811867374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163646375043605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437450125370486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373933996680601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259578071753236
suicidewatch,ready2quit99,2019/01/29,"I need advice A good friend of mine who lives across the country from me told me today that, ‘I think I might just end it. I can’t live like this.’ He’s been suffering from what he believes is Lymes induced physical and mental illness. No energy, paranoid, anxiety attacks, panic attacks - all things that he never suffered from before. He basically lays around all day for the last 11 months while his wife works to support him and care for their son. My question, who do I talk to to get this person help or what can I do as someone who lives 2000 miles away. Thanks. ",5.52405194805195,6.15649223636364,5.556753246753246,83.21227272727275,67.54545454545455,8.103896103896103,29.350649350649352,7.957251820313856,1.8440649350649347,446,15,86,5,7,140,85,110,0.159,0.6509999999999999,0.19,0.6159,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,2,11,2,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,3,13,14,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,12,6,13,11,2,11,0,2,0,0,18,4,0,3,8,54,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157214185684662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264876281118323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719112265854972,0.0,0.3762051037474851,0.15534603337249805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069547760733395,0.18628595060924705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857912188218174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663313456139067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644561546312984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774428413667374,0.0,0.08638536150488657,0.0,0.0,0.13868261553770936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082652839756768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347773436494011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077867589479383,0.0,0.4380050690498769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662775818212264,0.1754037449067887,0.0,0.0,0.13197592056272106,0.0,0.0,0.1226004040497648,0.1275234059629868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399543698843494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437191264745142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852230045967378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400953467831562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763029411999727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289716073937186,0.0,0.1522264450701871,0.0,0.0,0.1098471377318538,0.10594569246222464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672668054856362,0.15799317858225045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037232575076882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,robinamiibo,2019/01/29,"Please help; am I going to die? Hi im usually more articulate than this but I just took 750 mg of benadryl and 225 mg of sertraline/ zoloft and  20 mg of hydroxazine about 40 min ago. I know it was stupid but I feel so, so hopeless and alone I cant even word it. Im miserable and would give anything to start life over again. Am I going to die from this combination? I tried researching it myself and alone they aren’t deadly, but combined they might be. Please someone just talk to me, I texted my mom and told her I loved her because I do so so much but other than that I have nobody to talk to. Ps I am 20 years old 200 lbs F",0.8415327210103314,2.698097470149253,2.695671641791048,94.09508036739382,81.76119402985073,6.212629161882894,20.009184845005734,7.321109707123232,0.3112073478760049,487,13,115,7,13,162,85,134,0.196,0.7240000000000001,0.081,-0.9632,1,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,9,4,1,1,0,0,11,3,0,0,0,17,20,14,3,1,6,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,1,19,1,14,14,2,11,0,2,0,1,12,1,0,1,7,71,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144616622145375,0.0,0.0,0.3379343516014765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425297039094294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945059343745773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33863381334319137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775455899969348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249011457271829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650184360083386,0.18543610455439669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935146229686203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524453489491457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965924783886095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523288189186146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724312672080342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730691764438962,0.0,0.1910713689803689,0.0,0.0,0.11992903912330853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711913670651957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581645318999929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823072195104813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547361169905193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225668298151583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589033925994136,0.18125812163380212,0.11076353823100887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796792095135772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589226357307934,0.0,0.0,0.10505888562870626
suicidewatch,PressBForBombs,2019/01/29,"Could you please just tell you about your day, or anything good going on in your life. I'm extraordinarily lonely and I'd like to at least pretend that I have people that want to talk to me. So if you could just tell me about your day, little details, boring details, anything really. Please. ",3.5987500000000026,5.811859946428572,4.1601428571428585,85.18485714285717,74.53571428571428,5.908571428571428,21.91428571428571,6.742157984588678,0.5090685714285708,231,6,44,2,5,73,38,56,0.095,0.72,0.185,0.688,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,8,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731716003249245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620631924584287,0.0,0.0,0.2924541059515234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886025481051966,0.1901768174823252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015153638842666,0.11077258272455166,0.2272507322339635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571913658102337,0.0,0.0,0.4977797927283874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525397062811207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224316713278654,0.3963574711218783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337357645599503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hex_of_Void,2019/01/29,"Lost all reasons to live anymore I'm 21 with no friends, diagnosed with depressionon on degree 3 and Asperger Syndrome, i have no girlfriend and living by miself.

​

I've been living alone for two years by now and the only thing that had me company was my computer which i got at 2014, my computer is crap, but with it i could fill my loliness and depression by playing some games and hearing music. But since six days days ago, something happend to it's cpu that made it's performance go way downhill and i can't even open google chrome without getting a blue screen.

​

So that's it, no music anymore, no games or videos to distract me anymore. I tought i was going to be able to take it normally but i've been unable too. Basically the only thing that that gave me pleasure is broken, just like my self steem was and i can't afford to buy a new one.

​

Since then i stopped taking my anti-depressants, i've been only been able to slept for a couple hours on this week, i've been unable to leave home due to extreme fatigue, i've been fearless of some fobias i had before and most food lost taste. 

​

Honestly i don;t know what to do, i've been suicidal for a long time, but i've never felt so close of actually doing it. I'm posting here because i'm desesperate for some alternatives, since the icognite of what happens after you die is the major thing that held me down so far.",4.631079136690648,5.928427395683457,5.366251798561152,81.34664388489209,70.0071942446043,8.149928057553957,30.08705035971223,8.548686976883017,2.3077490647482013,1128,45,212,18,20,366,157,278,0.16,0.77,0.07,-0.9734,1,1,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,1,0,3,8,12,1,1,8,0,22,6,2,2,2,34,41,17,2,2,7,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,19,13,2,2,3,4,1,3,8,6,0,3,20,5,20,6,29,19,6,27,0,4,2,0,8,7,1,5,16,133,39,2,0.16542421784262792,0.0,0.08071508694204951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331929399566567,0.0,0.0,0.08566480017558517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584741418379583,0.4020170625234612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608455992982864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042053389239376,0.0,0.07038191265735941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603888862811139,0.09151937531197908,0.0,0.106684935304403,0.0,0.1424796364293745,0.08395104947891878,0.08584211050242976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463056786605007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794165955552403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000158104241776,0.0,0.06390317017634982,0.0,0.04321366309498506,0.0,0.09401439520256162,0.0,0.06615242939932149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314204475818338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932225580872937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829669891812213,0.0,0.08145476620192885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545641195463322,0.0,0.0,0.0875801806619439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04040895846895483,0.0,0.2191089226008084,0.07319761359708532,0.0,0.0,0.1805800750897177,0.0,0.0,0.0782641973564748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379267743989002,0.07988387020797875,0.0,0.0,0.08104030529933612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604786561128615,0.18871885795509868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921533660794385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504182365339863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628676844560627,0.0,0.0,0.20526093366918152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636758223956567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915102666128985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047362244140864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437842451973086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485074968254548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048230095865178436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079771187663749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565302212996971,0.06634666465917807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797315214116567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020170625234612,0.05326388632231288
suicidewatch,EatingMyL,2019/01/29,"Don’t know if I can do it anymore Posted on here recently. My fiancée left me 3 days ago. She’s going on 27 weeks pregnant. For the last ~2 months she’s been talking to this guy I’d been suspicious of from the start. Today she texted me saying she’s going to hang out with him to watch some movies. Why would she feel the need to tell me this? She told me a couple weeks ago that she had a crush on him before we got together. The doctors say her likely date of impregnenting was July 28th, 2018. I just looked through my photos as realized she was babysitting the 29th-1st. Could it be possible that she fucked someone and the date is just slightly off?

Anyways, I’m still dealing with so much other shit. DHS investigating me for some random shit, my mother dying, recovering from addiction... the list goes on.

I’m contacting someone about getting a gram of heroin to finish the job properly. Need help because I really want to be here if it is my daughter but right now my head is fucked with all these emotions she’s causing.",3.2076457645764584,5.314975089108913,4.091617161716176,85.71573157315734,75.33663366336634,6.865126512651265,25.57865786578657,7.793537801064563,1.4551674367436744,816,29,158,12,18,262,130,202,0.096,0.889,0.016,-0.9435,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,0,9,5,4,0,11,0,15,7,3,1,1,24,31,6,1,7,5,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,7,5,27,1,25,20,4,27,0,0,2,2,25,8,4,5,16,103,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041122684694785,0.0,0.0,0.24460995305161434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368324065211744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410722305226279,0.0,0.11740508816013186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417365518809994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101604268574794,0.1526647958428219,0.0,0.08898134308844828,0.14224438007827225,0.0,0.0,0.14319446816476533,0.0,0.0,0.14122148538816293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520135488510298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976342951977953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551081244753373,0.07208533746572532,0.0,0.1568267746688477,0.0,0.11034982586285436,0.0,0.0,0.1366152266358284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416003774167419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248057264009414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691717805323791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758264993302785,0.11246662779956686,0.0,0.0,0.14990835849700707,0.0,0.0,0.06740676904594854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586279497714758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012894552250443,0.0,0.1014262267859778,0.20461085872429088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554412788278008,0.1321402506261343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838920796387681,0.0,0.13623195612273234,0.0,0.0,0.11782841629985814,0.0,0.21944375980831587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832551520653221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233808603085382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765818865555898,0.0,0.1101856293984632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089768582600018,0.12059471693453197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307825244973601,0.1318393695063704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138020774772367,0.0,0.2213476650276003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449941326239583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801225035929546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spageciai,2019/01/29,No one cares People only care only want to do something when its too late. But right now doesnt matter. Just stand aside and watch ,1.7433333333333323,4.30468307692308,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,83.61538461538461,3.466666666666667,12.512820512820511,3.1291,-1.5682410256410255,104,1,21,0,3,31,25,26,0.106,0.65,0.244,0.64,0,1,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6337133703703718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505686885888407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058975490486853,0.4727180670693037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154528399715689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654008728118516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392504279229335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833036447752177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiverPinch,2019/01/29,Please Can anyone please talk to me I might kill myself,0.5881818181818161,2.873626454545456,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,102.63636363636364,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-2.6308545454545453,45,0,9,0,2,13,10,11,0.28800000000000003,0.429,0.282,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426436404582544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38392492966474745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681321486997512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7618449537091742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27892059753387666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SelenaTheLemon,2019/01/29,"I Don't Know What To Do I feel like I'm going insane. I have a million thoughts rushing through my head that don't ever stop. My hours at work got cut. I drink everyday and in turn, have no money. I've gained so much weight it feels like my organs are being crushed. My relationships are in turmoil. My bills are stacking up and I can't pay them because everything I make goes to rent and animal food. I can't check myself into a hospital for help because I have pets. I wake up several times a night with my heart beating out of my chest. I want to die but I'm scared of the afterlife. I just need help but I don't know what to do and I'm starting to get really scared ",-0.16581973581973486,2.0617885524475525,2.0314102564102576,94.648311965812,90.04895104895105,5.415540015540017,19.83255633255633,6.937597516519254,0.3565278943278951,525,17,119,8,18,176,88,143,0.152,0.743,0.105,-0.8104,1,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,3,6,1,3,4,0,14,7,4,1,1,20,30,7,1,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,7,3,1,5,1,5,2,6,4,0,1,2,3,21,2,17,27,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,9,72,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134524890180134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991005657646195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981712296446688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568051084320223,0.0,0.0,0.15579591058345138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530205897939713,0.2476827213781645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961565374659755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056828317466482,0.0,0.09851886830890508,0.0,0.1386439271616634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790723509641068,0.0,0.0,0.20542072738586808,0.23238586335274306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071494992421818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190537385408052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938022520170418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157125514885598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743228445393506,0.12853691780498386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267734498654468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110525260461328,0.0,0.0,0.186113154895674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34710742349425583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958362939625752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269810748526973,0.0,0.0,0.14492846280382335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762063224384566,0.1010818492812666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855515231338602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224639239031587,0.0,0.0,0.21109374591819802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620095228023026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmandaRayne,2019/01/29,"I can never escape it and I’m afraid I never will My heart physically hurts. I feel heavy and tired and I just don’t think I can go on any longer. What makes it worse is that before this I had one of my longest periods of happiness ever. It wasn’t even really super happy. Just normal, and that was more than I could ask for. I thought id be okay. But It always comes back. I don’t think I can live like this. It’s taking over my life and nothing I do seems to help. ",0.3397058823529377,2.1085431666666707,2.6174117647058845,94.46435294117649,83.01960784313725,5.648627450980393,16.08235294117647,6.742157984588678,-0.4048541176470586,361,6,86,4,10,123,67,102,0.102,0.718,0.181,0.8502,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,0,1,13,3,1,1,3,20,24,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,4,1,14,5,7,17,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,59,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952136840621553,0.0,0.0,0.13037206352016628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922666840013676,0.0,0.0,0.1474161975632009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313445526562162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651445966789352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306799312404756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662525914955744,0.17341624808669395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693633598441856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895545865002196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081661399094733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271819596868563,0.12850182284874465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523375390028045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541323603903205,0.09366175454447216,0.0,0.16928693458660732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797055361486248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957232417014684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878389711278255,0.1839547103320477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991033747278918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281686865972875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452918431727135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414503502911616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24568512252824776,0.0,0.15219946557667527,0.0,0.2203469889572273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953728986792201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,some-velvet-morning,2019/01/29,Nowhere nothing,12.54,10.564513000000002,2.890000000000004,77.90500000000002,169.0,0.8,102.0,3.1291,10.7944,14,2,1,0,1,3,2,2,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OfficerThrowaway42,2019/01/29,"I'm Tired I'm a police officer in a medium sized city on the east coast, and have been on the job for a year. I spent my teens dreaming of being a cop for the usual reasons, to help people, to serve my community, to make a difference, etc. But I had other reasons as well. Growing up I never had many friends and never really excelled at anything. I was pretty smart and mildly athletic, but npt enough of either to fit in with the good students or join a team. Then again, I might have been but I never had the confidence to try. But for me, becoming a cop would mean breaking out of that bubble and being a part of something. I'd have friends I could call brothers and sisters, and maybe I'd be able to find a girl willing to let me love her. But after a year nothing has changed. There are still cliques inside the department that I can't seem to fit into, and on top of having all the same pressures as before I now have to deal with what I see on the job. I'm not going to go into detail, I'm sure you guys know all the usual cliches, and I can confirm they are pretty much true.  I come home to an empty apartment every night and the only people who ever come up to see me are neighbors asking me to do the same stuff I do on duty. The hardest part is I can't talk to anyone about any of this. I have no backup plan, being a cop is all I ever wanted, but if I tell anyone in the department I've been sitting in my unit every night staring at my weapon they'll take my badge and forget I ever existed. Fortunately the only thing I've ever really been good at is hiding it. As far as everyone else is concerned I'm the guy who always has a smile on his face, occasionally brings coffee for the shift and can proofread important reports. I came into this not really knowing what to say, and that's all I've got.",5.261787293166607,4.666824217506633,6.56050018946571,80.00219274977898,68.09814323607428,8.878565113047873,29.092964506757607,8.11559375814309,1.8774073260073256,1418,42,290,16,21,484,196,377,0.07400000000000001,0.795,0.131,0.9708,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,2,4,10,12,1,1,29,0,39,3,1,3,13,61,63,25,0,4,11,2,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,3,13,21,0,1,7,2,1,9,8,2,1,0,11,4,33,10,52,42,12,54,0,0,3,1,24,25,0,4,18,213,46,7,0.0940871933681442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828808205020922,0.0,0.0,0.06398251787767502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315759064784322,0.0,0.0774257433935567,0.0,0.0879588249617149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391191301975408,0.08006127170705457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960735440077307,0.10761068409884728,0.0,0.0,0.0995317750668656,0.16209557207441094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512096795985973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699976500775967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830109163140506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859777705412592,0.0,0.0,0.0972172218414308,0.10493209143183337,0.0,0.3404290119798533,0.1585450367200739,0.0899043452813539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859939902052579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538306440570772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694384046267676,0.15783174772109054,0.07525012356519166,0.0,0.0,0.18632222760386394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306466244174966,0.0,0.09437712634908704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673404305156552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341572176490586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621052982130844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491736542403516,0.0,0.06280393217226622,0.09538964650636064,0.09452323191662064,0.1024885361837991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981164368772352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691649129368056,0.0,0.21769753145099344,0.0,0.0,0.17658891466945853,0.0,0.09027919958237196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311510057556745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037745233752784,0.0,0.13045642639802962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914410012239868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808239959357315,0.19347460996475888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482191254977151,0.0,0.0,0.14995062320884167,0.08565344717450561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243291813917135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513815416118229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770732624273224,0.0,0.0,0.08867606627327956,0.0,0.07074186011715551,0.07562372206977272,0.08223635406467429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250735055419983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813938799140724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638790282513932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724750191290914,0.0,0.05549506436365454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459568625563607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683684267527405,0.0,0.0,0.12117813551855668
suicidewatch,eeelaw,2019/01/29,"Tried talking to mother... 24 year old female. Long story short... my grandmother (who basically raised me) passed away in October. Due to being a college grad but sucky economy I had to move out of my grandmothers home (who I lived with) back into my mothers home. Things have been literal hell, she fusses about me and my dog 24/7 vacuums three times a day due to my dog and doesn’t allow me to touch any cleaning supplies, kitchen area, or laundry room due to me “being messy” I’m not allowed to lay on the couch or anything because “I’ll damage it”. So therefore I spend  all day in my little room when I’m not at work or grad school. 

I’m just done. I honestly hate coming home and find myself driving to a parking lot and just sitting in my car to avoid going home. I often talk about moving out to which my mom response is “If you leave this house before your get your masters degree, you’ll be exiled from the family and I’ll never talk to you again, you can’t manage it on your own”

I’ve researched how to hang yourself via a doorknob... I think that’s my best option right now. 

I’ve been dealing with PTSD and depression since my brother tragically died when I was 12. I’m just at the end of trying anymore. 

I probably won’t go through with it.. ( I dream of a day where this night will be just a bad memory) I just needed a space to vent. ",3.210859593837533,4.591221069852941,4.384957983193278,86.6942156862745,73.59558823529412,7.092717086834734,25.452380952380953,7.62386473244151,1.2519616246498595,1049,34,215,13,21,344,169,272,0.162,0.787,0.051,-0.9883,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,7,0,3,16,9,2,1,10,0,16,1,0,4,2,38,27,15,1,2,12,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,10,0,10,13,1,1,2,1,1,9,6,7,0,1,5,1,33,2,34,15,4,47,1,3,0,0,18,19,1,7,18,135,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397820691410221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247002347851392,0.0,0.0,0.10162268248982136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602398699600346,0.09495706064004827,0.10310994001577346,0.07527905007158696,0.0,0.105081860861983,0.0,0.1295963280371513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637667868549423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389246989273466,0.12731393834820015,0.10636273415746626,0.0,0.12816430203921264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126374306947307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937649204967703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641645223433332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286866072749875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451902145357523,0.0,0.1403657164560738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192192997745832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954867115204562,0.0,0.0,0.14249219026996598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307592819108108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377056017812416,0.1090449352162717,0.10928576898561787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498774742060092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463132552110342,0.0,0.26250306756069475,0.0,0.09156711231284616,0.0952439767783285,0.0,0.0,0.11588806526183087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129583173389797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314433079618695,0.0,0.14435452909092053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054607550766614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497962212603818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021531435082907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977724911544558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204202323717086,0.0791281333527497,0.0,0.0,0.07200867427030405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768474983192427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899030175047804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952424252432573
suicidewatch,weekendwarrior72,2019/01/29,"Long time member, first time poster Goodbye everyone, sometimes enough is enough. I've had enough of getting hurt by loved ones, lied to, I've seen enough of how life really is. Dont get me wrong, I'm well traveled and I've seen beautiful, amazing things. But I've also seen how mundane and shitty life can be. If you're you're reading this I have already injected 3ccs of insulin and should go hypo and slip into a coma soon. Anyway I hope you guys do better than I did. I really do. I hope you recover and see the world and love and be loved. I hope you crawl out of the dark hole you're in and learn to be happy again. I never will. Anyway this is u/weekendwarrior72 signing off. Goodbye everyone and much love, I'll see yall on the flip side.",1.1096078431372547,3.431934078431375,2.7278431372549043,91.53529411764707,84.0326797385621,5.691503267973857,20.11111111111111,7.048011613610866,0.4538522875816993,586,17,123,8,17,192,93,153,0.056,0.6859999999999999,0.257,0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,2,8,13,0,0,4,0,15,8,0,2,1,22,31,14,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,1,2,5,5,12,11,13,21,5,16,0,1,5,4,9,7,0,4,7,74,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542882835607176,0.09814222441889728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853927881631154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383144686591312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072262033709143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345358099102504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438885040563753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823630049566254,0.0,0.06974679632928855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215159134372158,0.0,0.13064182823653409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365677444080888,0.0,0.0,0.13137842757523288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336697970574494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086067518989213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44305229102872695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021615597244116,0.0,0.09465220450790664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316086188841851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227570682125054,0.0,0.15724009114084633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955900504629249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137703300335632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153227767631446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431225363308621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034348633977538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417927254620785,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cblake0203,2019/01/29,You’re welcome to read. Probably won’t change much though. So uh.. they always say to tell someone before you do anything “stupid”. To let someone know how you feel. I guess this is sort of my way of doing it. I’m telling a bunch of strangers that couldn’t give less of a shit about me because I don’t know anyone that a) wouldn’t call 911 straight away or b) just wouldn’t give a fuck. I’ve honestly just had enough. I’m tired of this shit hole. I’m tired of being here. I honestly didn’t think my last interactions with people were gonna be via an app that I didn’t even have for a week. Oh well. I guess this is it. Sorry for any inconvenience I’ve cause for anyone. Im sorry.,0.3171120689655176,2.4262618620689658,1.8602370689655168,97.86690732758622,85.55172413793105,5.004310344827585,18.02801724137931,6.322622252153567,-0.3711982758620693,530,13,126,5,16,171,91,145,0.16899999999999998,0.741,0.09,-0.8871,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,0,9,8,4,0,6,0,17,5,2,2,0,16,30,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,4,2,0,4,2,11,4,15,18,4,5,0,0,0,1,11,2,3,4,2,70,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546624692411656,0.0,0.0,0.09436712478602076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940598838142378,0.0,0.11419439295025892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037727836011814,0.0,0.0,0.08459179795473366,0.0,0.11808150520352215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169783273215292,0.0,0.0,0.14255315208858935,0.14679834038207373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338463082056388,0.0,0.09165507784863863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016536416734928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282889515257168,0.0,0.2662381766831916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057376026498797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989345321071962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152526731431281,0.11311459242400035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189987162953613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201058330339917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620438736544873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961557456980054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880573826264733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035403095283113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848870967747692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351556667135147,0.0,0.0,0.31067924536768643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425790213759715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891705013208484,0.13633903780791673,0.0,0.0,0.3189872314927992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014772661845744,0.11131146813711787,0.0,0.12476926426226405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HolyHoly7,2019/01/29,"I'm not normal There is something wrong with me. For as long as I can remember I've always been weird and inferior at everything I try. If your average person has a development rate of x1.0 then mine is probably hovering around x0.1 to x0.6 depending on the specific thing in question. But one thing is always consistent, and that is that I'm not good at anything. I've long suspected that I have some form of autism but most people with the functional side are sometimes disturbingly good at one thing. I'm worthless at everything. I have no friends even though I try to never be rude, in fact it's more like I don't exist at all. People completely forget my name or don't notice me going around and I don't know why. I'm painfully and unhealthily lonely and have terrible social anxiety that is destroying my brain and heart because I get panic attacks even when I'm just sitting down outside doing nothing. I want to end my existence because I was clearly not designed for this life. I get so angry at how unfair life seems. Most people usually get at least one good thing but I got the whole first world problem shit package. Ugly, mentally ill, physically ill, socially dead, and born in a small shithole I want to escape. All my dreams are unrealistic too, which means I have no proper goals in life because I will never achieve want I really want. I can't stand sticking around much longer.",5.371259609698403,6.7802995617977535,6.021612458111572,76.91989355411002,68.36329588014982,9.516183717721267,31.281095998423037,9.811843763644266,3.14396329588015,1121,46,200,26,19,365,160,267,0.314,0.623,0.063,-0.9975,0,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,3,12,19,4,2,5,0,22,9,3,2,6,46,39,19,1,7,9,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,6,1,0,1,11,14,0,4,3,0,25,5,28,34,10,32,0,3,0,0,7,19,1,8,11,134,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688665128570143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762619177794805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350322903457176,0.2709961397663813,0.0,0.11543962823591475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855700992815951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327687921519787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639199527682702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898745244944405,0.0,0.0,0.13404327060278878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239389652628346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631246446871685,0.0,0.0,0.07839740887672242,0.0,0.15904559376487518,0.0,0.05766916540019141,0.2553309791012821,0.08115683527898736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024541194585014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576663730831626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501910239102626,0.049574342409472345,0.0,0.0,0.17959995493603292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053331017918222,0.0,0.0,0.10226042266156646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459396982165654,0.0,0.15652370931815932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942151433979728,0.097365609284056,0.11552712425329832,0.0,0.0,0.2062811950425796,0.0,0.10797390410819488,0.11905612604575658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104478384871994,0.08860188103623601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940452738238213,0.09709548712070372,0.0,0.0,0.1136724333529432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500588773089484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494857201408774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237676131384158,0.0,0.0,0.10416007247107058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687688874313495,0.0,0.0781184950627281,0.1003589062214128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26965530485851197,0.0,0.09969622506235143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778634580151453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175763293037154,0.0,0.23940445989865355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156315649309964,0.11329043270392572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094425936371256,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwwwwdatmush,2019/01/29,"I was told basically I shouldn't be suicidal because I'm ""pretty"" and talented I could have done so many things in this life. But I had to be suicidal with talent. What's the point of being talented or even attractive when you want to die everyday.

""You're too pretty and young to die"" 

First off I didn't know my life was more valuable because I'm ""pretty"" which I don't believe I am. If I was ugly does that mean I should die? 

Second, fuck my abusive parents for fucking my whole potential up .

I want to die I want to die. I'm tired of this condensed pain. I can't help anyone or even myself. ",1.9287139689578725,3.7340804227642295,3.8326977087952687,87.50008869179605,78.10569105691056,7.074353288987436,24.189948263119,8.00094639256281,1.3349252032520322,464,16,98,8,11,157,76,123,0.262,0.537,0.201,-0.9183,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,2,0,1,0,16,6,0,0,0,15,27,8,7,7,4,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,7,0,17,5,12,14,2,8,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,3,4,67,23,0,0.0,0.1423403842699139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400121708098889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464664173471054,0.0,0.0,0.13535105709176204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959180583409404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6234060516712382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513098787838088,0.12293986152650492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869612904248392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218680831723394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221258274382941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052398864950344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602307919485986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970987088073156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179808017926215,0.0,0.1308622833269144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783215854491678,0.0,0.13339575098529566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135664490602254,0.0,0.0,0.3666615917554937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26281648210406683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981238607573643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807756220414866,0.0,0.11479418423373912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257628725357536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412648801249846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halfmyfuckinglife,2019/01/29,"Depression over half my life, pretty much always worsening I'm really tired now. I regret not killing myself when I started feeling this way as a teenager. I want to want to live (not a typo/double type), but I just don't. I can't force myself to. I've done everything. Psychiatrist for years, counseling, moved to the city that is the best suited for me (still is), married a woman who is completely understanding of my situation (she has anxiety problems as well), exercised, done everything. I've been doing as much as I can over the past 15 years of depression, and it **has not gotten better.** After 15 years, shit changes in your brain. What was once the mental illness becomes your actual identity. I don't experience any positive emotions. At all. I have tried the entire battery of medicines with minimal luck. I constantly want to rip off my own skin. I constantly want to squeeze my temples until my head pops. I have never self harmed.

I wish there was a way for adults to consent to euthanasia. I would much rather just be able to tell my family ""Hey, I scheduled my appointment for this day"" and at least get to say bye with a quasi-understanding. I wish my parents never conceived me. I wish I had been hit by a truck. I'm beginning to feel less human as time goes on. I haven't been sad at a funeral since I was 8, happy at a wedding except for my own, and I am so fucking sick of having all of the emotions torn out of me. I don't have any left. I'm a fucking person with no emotions other than being neutral, sad, or angry. Nothing has helped. And I'm supposed to endure this, probably worsening, for 50 more years on the *chance* that it might get better? I'm supposed to work for the next 35 years until retirement, even though I have a massively hard time holding down a job due to having to lock myself in the bathroom to have breakdowns? Literally the only reason I'm not dead is logistical issues. If I've been working on this for so many years and nothing has changed, how could I even begin to have something resembling hope?


Everyone who told me this gets better can go fuck themselves.",3.5618067226890773,5.583994676470592,4.834226890756305,81.16623529411767,74.04901960784314,7.996190476190478,27.833613445378145,8.759644201051973,2.3161331092436983,1660,66,308,34,35,549,219,408,0.155,0.722,0.123,-0.9477,2,0,1,0,0,1,63.0,0,2,0,6,14,20,5,0,21,0,40,12,4,2,4,44,70,20,3,14,11,1,5,0,0,2,5,1,0,5,13,9,0,1,4,1,0,2,12,12,1,1,12,6,42,8,59,52,11,45,0,5,0,3,18,15,4,5,27,216,55,4,0.080213361570148,0.0,0.07827666997595031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674394258478357,0.0,0.0,0.10909567300214676,0.0,0.06136300204753775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858935581047303,0.0,0.0,0.08417897419673162,0.21282659951732846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954463966369026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971020125806538,0.0,0.08410218348323227,0.1733642950771373,0.0,0.06404384219312785,0.0,0.0,0.05173098232691019,0.0,0.13817530156515676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417223674111495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706877060293355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596033761370498,0.0,0.0,0.07664730444836854,0.14418119438367444,0.07846405935293327,0.07561801848197179,0.0,0.08111657150342287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246788069214035,0.12572451220798342,0.0,0.04558710189795789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538861495282017,0.07185541645697135,0.0,0.0823220505263451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376532543537574,0.0,0.0,0.07966996709257207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372190939363944,0.07959938423363691,0.0,0.08874419997912131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715205204709417,0.0,0.056657069467921824,0.0,0.0,0.0708298678433496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132375864719911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083620207872122,0.08509370061350853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525410899149867,0.1768981506651958,0.0,0.12373097887956575,0.0,0.08530782003059889,0.0,0.0,0.1539337675857637,0.0,0.0,0.08542461219128716,0.0,0.06100587602660317,0.0,0.0,0.08906744541230559,0.0,0.07657272994975516,0.0,0.07003921334946572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160582594086625,0.08648357060950328,0.07675335397152612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138673340234741,0.08247269521061637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378888464917122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368003000179218,0.0,0.08233786295477777,0.06635332159283337,0.09016317921295043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061752164606978785,0.0,0.0,0.056775430175257,0.0,0.0640584941657434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701100135593357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880922047718887,0.0,0.09354611238063934,0.09219345926271584,0.0,0.07664730444836854,0.0,0.05445960716279116,0.0,0.0,0.16700987654131286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924767564243727,0.12733926557945946,0.0,0.0,0.07212144528902084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767242214666965,0.0,0.0,0.11679256511918648,0.0,0.0,0.05698127062565817,0.0,0.0,0.30992864971687184
suicidewatch,King_Of_Nerds526,2019/01/29,"Suicide Note Hello, My name is Xavier Schopmann

The date is 1/29/19 as I began to write this, to however this may concern i'm writing this because i'm very unhappy and I want to use this as a diary. To begin I showed tell you about myself i'm a antisocial, anime loving, depressed loser and that is afraid of women, hates being in big grupes, has slight dyslexia and hates himself oh and i'm an atheist, my mom is a cancer survivor with bad health issues and my dad is a scumbag. As i've already stated i’m unhappy and depressed to me life is a literal hell well not hell but you get my point. My looks are fairly average except for my eyes their green witch is a pretty rare but cool, my style is just black, gray and red yhea edgie I know but it’s how i like to dress so deal with it, so yeah that's basically me in a nutshell but I really should tell you how I got like this so to my life. My earliest memory is me almost dying yeah I know crazy right well when I was 3 or 4 me, my mom and my now known stepdad, i'll get to that later, were moving into a new house and my moms friend had come over and my stepdad was at work. My mom was outside with her friend and I was eating a popsicle on the couch,  I got up to get another  and when I had gone to sit back down and tript on something and fell onto a picture frame that stabbed through my chest. Soon after I was rushed to the hospital and turned out okay but if I had fallen just a little bit to the left I would be dead, to be honest I wish I had died that day because life only gets worse for me. When I was five my step dad left me and my mom because of my real father witch i'll go into later, as years went by life was okay hard but okay I had made two best friends the first day of kindergarten named Connor Bragg and Iodin and times were good till my first “girlfriend” which was a stupid puppy love thing, after her birthday one year witch at the time we were around 9 I stupidly tried to kiss her and as you properly know how that ended and so we broke up and she changed to a complete bitch and i'm not being mean or any thing she is a bitch now. Around the same time well propoly a couple of years back my dog quinte had died by me accidently getting his neck hit in a car door we tried to get him help but the only vet open was an hour so I had to slowly watch him die in my moms arms very painful and this is when I truly started to hate myself and avoid others like the plague. Away as we all entered middle school everyone I know had changed and for the worse tho I still had my best friends we were the three amigos dut that ended two when Lodin moved away. Oh I forgot to menchu that before lioden had moved I got another girlfriend that was my first real girlfriend that I had been dating for two years but she cheated on me with my best friend Connor and moved away this was the start of my fear of women and fear of rejection. Soon after I became the class loser that everyone hated well not everyone had I had a couple of friend and Connor I know he's in asshole that betrayed my friendship but he was the only one to ever truly be their though he was in ass to me he was the only one to care so I had to keep him around. Back to what I was saying beforehand most of the kids would devil call me names like hitler,loser, flash (not the flash the one from zootopia) ect and it was relentless and got worse every day I know what your thinking “why didn't you stand up for yourself or tell on  thoues kids” why is because I was one of those kids that's a “goody two shoes” and my self confidence was at a all time low so I rolled with it. Around the same time my mum had told me of my real father and how he was in jail and that I had four half-brothers so we balled him out and tried to start a relationship with him but turns out he's a giant asshole and a piece of shit that doesn't care about me or my mom and I think this is why I truly hate the idea of god and why I hate humans so much. Now to where I can know im a freshmen in highschool witch is pretty tough, but that's no the point right now shit is really hitting the fan scene my only “friend” Connor is a giant douchebag that ignores me. My mom has a new boyfriend that stares at my house every day and I hate it now don't get me wrong the guys pretty cool it's just life was easier for me beforehand and their always in their room doing shit and I basically have two take care of myself all the time witch honestly i'm kind of used to because like I said beforehand my mom has really bad health issues so it was kind of always like this and I want to tell her this but I can't it wouldn't be fair to her. So to tell you the truth i'm really messed up at the monument everyday is just pain I can't talk to girls without immense fear, I can't be near people without fear, every little mistake I make I hate myself for and things are starting to look alot like middle school again. Honestly i've thought about killing myself but I just can't do it not to my family but I really just wish my birthday and christmas did not exist because I hate the atenshon I just want to be a nobody that is forgotten so I can try to move on by for now I can't. So I have a plan when I become 21 or some age older i'll cut ties with everyone go to the middle of nowhere and drink till my liver wants to kill me and then buy a shotgun shell in my head but life is getting worse so I think about it more and more so maybe I might just do it sooner. Oh and mom if you ever see this i'm sorry I just can't live  like this anymore . Oh and to who ever sees this sorry for the grammar. 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suicidewatch,TristeBolsh,2019/01/29,"I don’t know what I feel anymore I’m 17. In the years before now I was so different, I used to feel such an intense love for those I cared for, my emotions ruled me and I was a good person. Over the past two years I’ve slowly lost who I am, I feel completely alien to the person I was before. My father plead guilty to sexual assault last year and all he got was community service. I became my terminally ill mum’s carer afterwards but she passed away this month. I have no close family left, I’m practically orphaned. I was brought into my cousin’s family but no matter what they do I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t belong; that their lives are their own. Whenever I see the family pictures in their living room I just remember they what they have isn’t mine. I feel I have no place in the world, any genuine relationships I had are gone. Even with people like my cousin - a loving and beautiful person - I’m unable to feel anything from her. I’ve been this way for almost two years now. I just want to love people again. The whole world is just covered in a cold grey hue. I remind myself of how pained my family would be to guilt trip myself away from taking my own life but I can’t help but feel that they’ll overcome any pain eventually and go on with their lives. Feeling no emotion has drained any genuine care for living away from me. I’m constantly reminded that I’m not the same person I was. I wish life could’ve just been different. My mums medications were all strong opiates for pain, I want to take enough to kill myself when I get home this weekend.",3.627857518401683,4.996294492113567,4.636959779179811,85.34336816508937,72.53312302839117,7.806992639327023,23.93388538380652,8.344100000000001,1.3149159831756043,1242,34,255,20,24,405,166,317,0.13699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.154,0.5994,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,8,2,12,16,2,2,12,0,27,10,0,2,2,38,59,11,1,4,9,5,8,1,0,2,7,0,2,4,12,8,0,0,10,1,0,6,10,8,0,2,14,11,50,8,29,42,7,37,0,1,2,3,26,16,0,1,15,163,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292058923562654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689375291270058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212362039653631,0.0,0.0,0.06814420674897624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340347934098565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092759365731858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885723970477715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682296728403859,0.0894863955744007,0.0,0.06611572001084468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730341774758595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862964699322153,0.0,0.08556314959805549,0.0,0.054694126507872316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122573266389938,0.0,0.3349630719273396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326393900903405,0.0,0.047061887013309864,0.06945570540788182,0.06622939287837908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550468368305804,0.0,0.08306351516208553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161515732789036,0.0,0.045509297141787634,0.06749984805142559,0.0,0.0,0.08997150193050939,0.0,0.1169799566453259,0.04045597131575583,0.0,0.2924851195913123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039508335310494,0.0,0.22421327529089155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342068902648499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609682564752248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643417313358043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904992893082974,0.11481775056408094,0.2892201879849102,0.08651708873792975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890516525146824,0.09380570484986338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598752444740166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452312965539496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178342812627788,0.0,0.0,0.07151981682979774,0.0,0.0,0.09768500691875373,0.06572940458545393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245255253136436,0.09522550240681993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058824667689166776,0.0,0.0,0.2133034197232952
suicidewatch,xwer15,2019/01/29,"I wish you could donate your body to serial killers I would happily take the place of an innocent person who wants to live. I get to die without doing it myself and being afraid of failing, someone gets to live, and the serial killer won’t hurt another person. Anyone else think this? ",5.119444444444447,6.724697055555558,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,69.18518518518519,9.103703703703703,26.462962962962962,9.516144504307137,2.493496296296296,227,7,39,5,4,74,43,54,0.275,0.601,0.124,-0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,8,11,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,7,7,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311410195161452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541304113151656,0.2258575074844039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244849038520374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599613789390053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287724737793053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414173278442705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303320957381489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359758386761129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892890482858174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849435208294103,0.23030337531228506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677038716740085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573660465481002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124322080815285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300158566300091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348465765566314,0.2124875225547496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565877876621071,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,parrythebeardie,2019/01/29,"Help Just today my girlfriend left with the car and all the money. She said she ""needed time away"". She told me ive been being horrible to her all week. I had no idea. She never communicated. I thought everything was going well. We had a fight and she just packed up and left. She knows i have appointments this week and that i need my meds but still left. She knows i have trauma being alone for long periods of time bc my parents neglected me but she still left. Ive never felt this betrayed since my ex left me for an abusive guy. 

I wont stop panicking. Ive been hyperventilating since she left. I dont know what to do. The pain wont stop.",0.4719488100583753,2.8915734198473326,2.2778895374943886,92.4562775033678,89.61068702290078,5.525101032779523,17.629546475078573,7.048011613610866,0.13640062864840585,502,13,110,8,17,165,76,131,0.226,0.698,0.076,-0.978,1,1,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,5,0,16,1,0,0,4,25,26,6,0,2,4,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,3,6,0,1,2,6,4,1,0,9,2,28,1,8,13,2,23,0,1,0,0,19,8,0,0,13,74,32,0,0.0,0.13260225189757474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159113047898179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514883942822373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311648100273214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058295460711587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745698576200848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636044862920272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081451274106706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501498806165448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263396297045742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845184489986124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7295828779148286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904220732609814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431353309680272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596870765734398,0.17263315767824636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908659777003718,0.0,0.12426956035664648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645781879838914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515627262854792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875264907925398,0.1871337051259476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884886486523506,0.13051833029230892,0.0,0.1060833560365432,0.10694060868399877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954465435826944,0.0,0.10062599479376436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,201805142348,2019/01/29,"I have been wanting to die for almost every day for the last 10 years I am in a down swing, and I felt like talking. I can't remember the last time I actually wanted to be alive for the whole day. There might be random moments in a day where I can appreciate something, but most of the time, I just want to die.

I don't really know what the core issue is. I have done therapy, and I have taken medication. I have been through thousands of articles on depression, self-improvement, learning to love oneself, philosophies of life, and so much more. Nothing has really improved, though. 

I always dream of having a better life. At night, when I cannot sleep, in my comfy bed, I imagine how I am going to do well the next day (the goals have ranged from one pushup to dominating the whole day). But, that's all there very is, imagining. I have no actual interest in becoming better. I can easily do one pushup, but part of me is so utterly unwilling to do it that I won't. The story of improvement, the daydreaming, etc. is the only thing I do and enjoy. Actually putting in the work, nope. 

What on Earth is this mental block that has kept me in a rut for a decade? I don't understand it. Unless I really am that weak willed to not even do anything. I don't even have the motivation to set up a list of goals (even mini-habits like the one pushup) anymore. Maybe because I always failed it even when I did.

I could do SMART goals, huge goals, mini goals, and everything else. I could get rid of every distraction, create a study space, get accountability buddies. I can do rewards and/or punishments. Not a single one of them works. I try to build discipline, but it wont happen. I am unwilling to put in an ounce of work, no matter the environment, motivation, or willpower.

I am so defeated and tired of this. I just want to do something. I am so sick of daydreaming all of these wonderful things to never even grasp an ounce of it. ",3.560476190476192,5.183741238095237,4.9948994708994725,81.69361904761908,73.12698412698413,8.743703703703705,25.827513227513233,9.2995712137729,2.1524078306878307,1500,50,299,35,30,502,186,378,0.142,0.6859999999999999,0.171,0.7394,1,0,2,0,0,1,63.0,0,0,1,15,19,16,1,1,25,0,49,8,1,3,3,45,64,20,2,6,10,0,1,2,0,4,6,1,1,0,16,6,0,3,11,1,1,3,13,6,1,5,7,2,37,10,46,49,10,35,0,3,0,1,3,15,0,6,18,224,53,12,0.0,0.0,0.26362728769529475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901720184952754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985754639386178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930535450312271,0.0,0.0,0.07410343713132357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054893614472776256,0.09945309629788733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928372811011754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143795117294822,0.0,0.0,0.2903738445705172,0.0,0.07755989106608101,0.0,0.1869152647017369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215236481109754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522517931777332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004294992810396,0.29738571761932386,0.0,0.15174193551297696,0.0,0.08093108973532462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646207492474428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940947657141093,0.0,0.051177462501236816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963087450194485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398875340037496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948909820111522,0.14680545816252694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720988733238278,0.08798771517077733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812735967941806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046727957365308,0.0,0.0,0.0907158521559677,0.0907491708923808,0.09552876780777296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619707545400938,0.0,0.06945207381272421,0.0,0.0957691447561356,0.08450577910360674,0.0,0.08640535689161043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440807099309236,0.06848704573708476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751532190753244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810501459532257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306491390786305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200904058518193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394173832557076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011498425475148,0.0,0.0,0.1386497038402623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237873978876705,0.0,0.0,0.1029799671933345,0.0,0.11965037257683525,0.0,0.08847361990132807,0.0,0.1050177014808461,0.1034991720868376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113800586939006,0.0,0.0,0.09374517504053163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430064058075876,0.2124551774604237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096572074434079,0.0,0.0,0.20107510941834464,0.0,0.0,0.0976553308643646,0.1966723110142973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798921620581855
suicidewatch,hambutterzestysauce,2019/01/29,"Fuck asktransgender Fuck the mods at r/asktransgender I make a post about what I’m struggling with as a trans woman and they just ban and mute me without explanation.  

Well I’ll tell you what - I’m going to blow my brains out tonight in the middle of a major city and I’m going to have their names written on my body so the media can have fun contacting those fucking cunts about what they know about why I blew my head off.

Fuck everyone and fuck all of your stupid fucking privileged lives",3.090229095074456,5.337090577319586,3.5762199312714777,88.61926689576175,76.21649484536083,6.785337915234822,23.14891179839633,7.793537801064563,1.0315805269186713,394,12,80,6,9,123,67,97,0.265,0.677,0.058,-0.973,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,3,0,6,12,8,1,6,0,3,9,3,1,1,13,17,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,9,1,0,1,0,11,3,15,16,2,10,0,0,0,6,9,6,7,0,1,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686874207867003,0.0,0.1695312042770001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451132069604699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8423786810319548,0.0,0.0,0.1726163914062395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558569716367116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346085491459329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409929214481986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013708511943922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544438136130536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158761933832586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327364214679018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654458290263666,0.0,0.1370342500183919,0.0,0.0,0.14639212939418556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cupidstuntt,2019/01/29,"On the brink I'm on the brink of snapping. I have no family, and my 2 last friends I've ended up pushing away. My boyfriend left me. I'm about to loss my house. I barely have money to eat. And I'm in debt. Killing myself feels like the only option. I don't know where else to go either. My doctor sends me to one place and they basically say I'm to crazy, get sent to another place to be told I'm not crazy enough. I don't know what to do any more.",-0.18049999999999847,1.5259539500000017,2.116,97.70300000000002,84.5,5.2,17.0,6.2581,-0.5594999999999999,345,7,87,3,10,117,63,100,0.161,0.784,0.056,-0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,18,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,2,4,4,2,0,1,2,2,12,2,15,15,3,17,0,1,0,0,6,11,0,1,3,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262569559911187,0.21992343544589887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970511452859854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467070829651105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146093145218512,0.17520508721336325,0.0,0.18576126871501794,0.2167103507219945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977176947358031,0.0,0.10604735382184337,0.1498333638661612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203926773276914,0.0,0.10957688491256548,0.0,0.1191961503077376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420038305352542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320385933575899,0.0,0.23052764632994285,0.17096046386350194,0.0,0.0,0.2278756197023912,0.0,0.0,0.10246499543111304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212057205572942,0.15951146850262785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382528864802045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678817398010876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004089587041706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cycloneboi,2019/01/29,"No point of being alive if you're a short man. Being short is garbage.

You're small, weak. Nobody takes you seriously. Society often laughs at you at your expense.  People bully you.

Worst of all, women are completely turned off by you.

They would rather be with a mediocre tall guy than a good short guy.

It doesn't matter how hard you work in life. They will always prefer taller men.

You're not sexually desirable.

You're at best going to be a slave for her after she's slept with all the tall studs she finds attractive. 

The same guys who bullied you in high school? They are going balls deep in beautiful women all the time.

",2.114601873536298,4.75709786065574,2.8003747072599516,90.50639344262295,82.68852459016392,5.7807962529274,17.730679156908664,7.1686216300943375,0.2349793911007021,497,11,98,7,14,155,85,122,0.153,0.6970000000000001,0.151,0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,7,3,3,3,7,0,0,7,0,10,4,1,1,3,16,15,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,13,4,16,8,6,21,0,0,0,1,21,17,0,2,2,60,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546938350301192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130596626732585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221104083989554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927408623525006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396963786058187,0.17687647177293858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6264142425201455,0.0,0.0,0.1889074144974384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228067174694681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895106080967507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619791489710618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935013764516493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342222003696915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855581408486438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296605529170868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293773160044609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352344052171096,0.0,0.0,0.14980338350857314,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,29in5months,2019/01/29,I cannot change my height or my looks It is so amusing for others! But I'm sick of everything.,-1.33285714285714,0.6919166666666712,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,96.61904761904762,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.35079047619047543,74,2,18,1,3,25,19,21,0.14400000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.159,0.0921,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6520628450201383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539749473589899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176154980705732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fufurfumph,2019/01/29,A serious question Can someone go to jail if a relative or friend commits suicide and they knew that the person was suicidal but didn't take affirmative action to stop them because they didn't see or know that they would end up doing it?,21.33152173913043,8.225803891304349,18.510869565217394,44.279782608695676,53.56521739130434,21.87826086956522,65.56521739130434,14.554592549557764,8.619460869565216,193,9,34,4,1,63,38,46,0.194,0.741,0.065,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,11,5,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,1,4,1,3,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,4,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379267693134376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525115995565389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202654782087192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620273740774421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668202828136654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24893597857713384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31937424017427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271856482308008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156202966383256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383541209949239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237003784737833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143576999394687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252495260035516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidal-queen,2019/01/29,"Suicidal and hopeless I feel hopeless and think about suicide since an year. An year ago I told myself if things dont get better I willl end it all. Things got worse. ..I am studying now how to do end it all in thr best way.
I had hope. Hope just hurted me more.
I dont even know why I am writing here. Nothing helps me. 
I told closest people to me I am contemplating suicide. They dont help at all. It is useless.
Why am I even writing here and asking some help?
Who am I but a suicidal stranger for you all?
Closest people to me has no compassion at all.

""Life is just a dream on the way to Death"".
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suicidewatch,helloSanDiego,2019/01/29,"I feel overwhelmed I don't want to die. I just feel like everything is too much to handle. I've been in this mode since last night. I;m trying to stay alive. i dont want my friends to know. i dont want them to know my pain. ive made so many mistakes these past few years. all for two people. i cant do this anymore. i miss my old life.

​

i tried last night. to reach out. i couldnt post in my local subreddit because my karma is too low on this account. i didnt want to lose my anonymity and use the old one. i just wanted to talk. im too far gone now. i dont have it in me anymore

​

im so sorry",-1.3972911597729123,0.5694049927007327,0.9009610705596104,102.15935725871857,93.96350364963504,3.628386050283861,16.370235198702353,5.033348758259628,-1.0242470397404704,472,12,119,2,18,157,81,137,0.146,0.755,0.099,-0.4867,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,1,8,8,0,1,1,0,13,2,0,2,1,18,26,3,1,7,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,7,6,0,2,4,2,21,2,14,21,3,20,1,4,0,0,3,8,0,0,10,67,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24476996212649835,0.2745015321427408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224038878062853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885535513363619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722781469708525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971416935072433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151524869694237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422528388411902,0.08069394429057176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726753044797753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440181483919773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415248894099085,0.18414422250059811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978233946614148,0.05518333447040272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636598222349732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687925508147016,0.0,0.11451703697323942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303375871622404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199826198033095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23705122247459656,0.0,0.07654015920147975,0.0,0.12019040041445354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782681829598392,0.07830767778463081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817815110429314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343623448478486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264421036652353,0.0,0.12039331451162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078767867895056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337591254395974,0.0,0.11033907647872716,0.0,0.0,0.09755548674327832,0.0,0.0,0.3331142618890597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745015321427408,0.07273829778057439
suicidewatch,iam4dolo,2019/01/29,Ready for another attempt I tried this past weekend to hang myself but didn’t tie the knot correctly around the tree. The only thing I worry about is not being successful and having to deal with the complications or being even more fucked up. I am ready to go. I’m bored. I’m tired of Fucking up. I don’t think I’m gonna ever change my ways. My angels keep sending me numbers telling me to be patient but my patience is beyond running thin. I’m ready to throw in the towel and leave this life behind.,3.323235294117648,4.821573039215687,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,73.50980392156862,6.6686274509803924,25.495098039215684,7.1686216300943375,1.1360156862745092,398,13,79,4,8,130,72,102,0.198,0.7290000000000001,0.073,-0.9437,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,5,0,9,4,0,0,2,12,19,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,5,3,3,0,0,1,1,10,1,15,14,1,15,1,0,0,2,3,6,2,1,3,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469542042182575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965504904673116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491397999090788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428018793900321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555303756451294,0.21303351585694014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354529299237993,0.0,0.0,0.13384653793464585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093333251889431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493725338132604,0.0,0.0,0.166348644289313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911700809822306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248222496556292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058473164289596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646328822587538,0.15090617523846567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706856726745794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598967596654124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693796196018506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391732264455909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,S4YFIL0S,2019/01/29,"I can't concentrate on anything I don't enjoy anything, I can't concentrate, I don't see a reason to continue because even if my life improves I still think I'll be pretty miserable. I felt ok not long ago and there's no logical reason as to why I'm like this again. I keep procrastinating to the point where it's easier to kill myself than explain why I've not done anything I should do. I have to pass my A levels this year and I know if I don't I'll be even worse than I am now but I can't concentrate enough to do the work. I feel alone even though I have people that care about me and I don't know why. I don't know what to do.",3.0386524822695016,3.077779531914892,4.914326241134752,87.73333333333332,72.82978723404256,8.536170212765958,24.88652482269504,8.515128840125781,1.2551758865248233,498,13,120,8,9,172,75,141,0.105,0.784,0.111,0.162,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,1,1,4,1,18,1,0,2,0,20,29,8,1,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,10,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,2,3,21,4,12,24,1,12,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,8,79,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771213894548184,0.0,0.0,0.16090011539410784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835298481885986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470248812686573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839397702601213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589813007979941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052243392587234,0.0,0.3078299834591209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855175948064558,0.0,0.14916441015276166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808596527434178,0.17187642236008688,0.0,0.256135842746777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973127712959674,0.07589822269221361,0.0,0.0,0.13748359244642214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770305245319556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468599490386709,0.0,0.0,0.15805108851909153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194600165087875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379719637249825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240660775754676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954470868340824,0.15263472844189632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42054904840779617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309971950654801,0.0,0.15831921838425453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004302161486064
suicidewatch,prenuproastup,2019/01/29,"I fuck everything up I can't handle the crushing loneliness of every day. Not a single friend. Always feeling like no one even gives a shit about me, let alone knows of my existence. Those who know I exist only do because I am a lazy, burden, sack of shit.

​

I'm so angry, hurt, damaged and broken from relentless bullying over a period spanning more than half a decade. It is fucking bullshit that certain people can completely fucking ruin my life whilst escaping with no consequence whatsoever. 

​

I just want to die so badly. The pain is too much, Even when I think I am at my lowest point for an extended period of time, I somehow sink further. Sometimes I feel like I need to cry a lot, but I can't even do that, I can't even cry. I am so alone and this suffering which has carried on for years and years is completely unbearable. I am drowning for the final time, I truly have no fight left to give.

​

 I hurt so, so badly and yet I have been through nothing compared to 99.9% of people here. I am completely alone in my pain and I have no one to turn to for help, no one who even gives a shit about me.

​

I am going to jump in front of a train tomorrow. If that somehow fails then as soon as I am free from hospital or whatever I am going to jump off a bridge. If that fails, then I am going to hang myself. If that fails, I will slash myself open in the middle of nowhere so I can bleed out and end this hellish existence. I can't believe what has become of me. ",3.242693798449612,4.812518445182723,4.5118812292358825,85.0527166389812,73.85049833887044,7.674473975636767,26.827380952380953,8.344100000000001,1.8075480620155044,1176,43,235,20,24,388,158,301,0.325,0.608,0.067,-0.998,1,3,0,0,1,3,50.0,0,0,0,3,21,26,8,0,14,0,28,10,3,0,1,27,46,22,2,5,7,0,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,5,0,1,7,10,21,0,4,1,2,35,6,39,43,4,38,1,8,0,3,8,15,6,7,18,175,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346576513234753,0.0,0.0,0.0628413191069379,0.32731724898082404,0.3670756230110813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261173678961347,0.046038217320742855,0.08340939660392778,0.0,0.08508873902766986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23755378893656845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591728980642312,0.04870619028822342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838111645180873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689110324818133,0.0,0.0,0.2494116743329667,0.0,0.06363151953931871,0.0,0.06787534639547624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763735577686637,0.10790752110731504,0.0,0.08273193017487335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058349006028812066,0.20945983321048536,0.0,0.21734609028723006,0.12876465668286033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062158215003455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616982094526687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301110720703092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205613425606216,0.07722754789254989,0.05334424135306222,0.07379360225216737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642070898499449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555182123644037,0.055999466147392256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246650883638052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535293431967472,0.0574387663407237,0.16072393391649634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047164997038962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139379738891469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325703151541488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469433630601666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048392191400055684,0.0,0.0,0.08807632380807898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214751099687906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454551647209695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670756230110813,0.0972688777587065
suicidewatch,successfully_failing,2019/01/29,"Looking for a friend Im sorry if this is not the right place for this.

I don’t have a lot of friends, and I can’t tell anyone about these thoughts and feelings. I’ve told one person about how I want to kill myself, or at least go back to heroin (I’ve been on opiate replacement therapy for 4 years) This guy only acts like my friend because he thinks I’ll fulfill what he called a ‘sissy fetish,’ I don’t really know what that is, and I don’t want to do it. He told me to talk to a “professional,” but don’t think that would be a good idea. I’ve seen therapists and psychologists before and it never ends well.

I really feel like I’m drowning. I feel like there’s nothing more for me here. I need a friend, I need to talk to someone who really understands what it’s like to feel this way. I’m trying so hard to “stay strong,” but I’m so tired.. ",2.137738095238099,3.294087583333333,3.7153968253968266,91.325,75.94444444444444,7.142857142857142,21.19047619047619,7.7094869923839395,0.5435476190476192,655,15,153,9,14,218,103,180,0.06,0.743,0.196,0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,1,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,1,28,33,12,2,6,5,0,5,4,4,1,1,0,0,2,14,5,0,0,10,0,0,2,7,1,1,1,5,7,13,11,18,26,3,12,0,0,2,0,16,4,0,3,8,86,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713837484476787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582637793261084,0.0,0.07596821820246437,0.0,0.10604386914410804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272526667605854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037781702011863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204985940471003,0.1780595033047484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38512959709206906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082537150601602,0.10452675085753363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339505419648401,0.0,0.0,0.11163654528151674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068270544118208,0.13461279741005455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137875422451608,0.0,0.06848881508157985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435354279155682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465082273495104,0.0,0.0,0.105948894108638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481079029920905,0.09611592074402986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957786109091115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444687423634974,0.09478040177473264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881484233344604,0.13020312912123233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23950751411101814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642623207707502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559154334323144,0.0,0.0,0.13950376557606106,0.0,0.13283012728909402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033236835659066,0.10892483948084024,0.0,0.14251574966166,0.14469537335444138,0.0,0.15970507849870544,0.0,0.0989356919428006,0.0,0.1432342862532155,0.0,0.2381627077168331,0.0,0.08460993896936356,0.0,0.0,0.12973556180089418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701018902263294,0.09891888732207893,0.0,0.0,0.11204985496949364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885276644692314,0.0,0.0,0.08025227473950132
suicidewatch,originalsadboye,2019/01/29,"Just a question I just really need to know about this. How many people have thought about letting themselves die? Like, not actively trying to attempt, but just not taking care of yourself anymore. Not eating, not drinking, etc. I feel alone in this, I don't know what to do about it.",3.687547169811322,6.147693603773591,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,75.22641509433963,5.749433962264153,27.581132075471697,6.742157984588678,1.3620369811320754,223,9,40,2,5,68,39,53,0.181,0.787,0.032,-0.7977,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,15,11,2,1,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,8,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262630810759332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148169515466073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258540141527207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631744080688424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484103538544187,0.0,0.25947407195590244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828070149124876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282168892697355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27872018148378197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593011572593004,0.0,0.1238856275026534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25708875915759416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880252160553532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757993766365779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840659109376737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244885562758715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065944475228647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131297337145326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216312997080366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BS_BlackScout,2019/01/29,"I just want to die, if I had the courage I'd finish everything now I don't know much to say. I'm too mentally fucked up, I'm done. Life is shit, this planet is shit, it's not worth it. It's just pain and happiness is pretending everything is fine when it isn't. Everyday, I look at people's faces it's all fake and bullshit.

I'm a failure, I have no future, I can't be independent, my friends left me, I have Social Anxiety, I just want to die. I'm done. They ruined me. Bullying ruined me. Those imbecile kids done it. Society done it. Nobody ever cared and here I am, absolutely destroyed. I'm a nobody just failing. All the opportunities and I'm wasting them and time. 

You try to pretend it's fine but it's not, and then you try to get stuff sorted out but nothing works. Fuck this.

Also, nobody ever cares, not even your ""best friends"". They just don't. They can't fix my life anyway, why the fuck would they care. Then when I fucking pay attention to what they're saying I'm an idiot. Because I care and they don't. 

No wonder. Nobody contacts me anymore. Fucking assholes too. If one day I kill myself I hope they feel guilty as shit. It's their fucking fault too.",0.15912500000000307,2.5241609958333378,2.379999999999999,91.3575,91.125,5.333333333333333,20.416666666666664,6.9077264865688965,0.567041666666666,909,31,192,14,32,306,125,240,0.294,0.5660000000000001,0.14,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,3,43.0,0,3,8,4,17,31,12,0,6,0,20,13,4,1,4,34,45,17,3,6,12,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,15,8,0,0,4,2,2,0,11,18,0,1,5,4,31,13,10,38,4,16,0,3,1,6,18,4,9,5,12,122,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744248281939177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119521768257826,0.0,0.0922964416234154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673215578028646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766700116121403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379547864350129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001985601755225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931755818344113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809552252076773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146920009131069,0.16836700867297094,0.0,0.0,0.16728339842186266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047056954297775816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380508596104893,0.5162279766230675,0.0486231318330278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907046308572556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924355142456254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296371469383353,0.0,0.05114662708107818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011164563325864,0.0,0.13147050370517227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815198142611947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937886154782477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841420141351283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929931494777324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306391459079186,0.0,0.09902876118166784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452023036186386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480196006319365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28659266403112305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486904349046084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065382778405843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054267519613357865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637137876204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978544899781288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839775687679951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092608214239808,0.0677531396762948,0.0,0.0,0.06611139987709286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ethhereal,2019/01/29,"Suicidal again after leaving psych ward... What now Hey everyone.
I'm a 17 year old girl who recently (December 3rd) attempted suicide and ended up in a mental hospital for a month. Just left (January 11th) but for the past few days I've been having very bad thoughts and feeling suicidal again. I'm trying to fight against it because I don't want to alarm my parents and friends but knowing myself I feel like I'm going to do it again.
Please help me, I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do with myself.",2.5225490196078444,4.416210470588236,4.1005882352941185,85.84931372549022,76.64705882352942,7.670588235294117,28.0,8.515128840125781,2.1345411764705884,396,17,80,8,9,132,72,102,0.209,0.637,0.154,-0.8135,1,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,17,5,3,1,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,7,2,12,15,1,17,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,13,46,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190180747921653,0.11090127459528352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732814383346413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113370675553165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738394586040452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397595291130295,0.1299689945186783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405566834806089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339355271921924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194212350483988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999651187770385,0.0,0.0,0.19263488334779424,0.1976646883166536,0.0,0.0,0.08888055427653879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833400627211647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521274136813508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090223749322024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200888473710865,0.0,0.17367032036026847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970168970138874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963139224358554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969972512043332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444300603468278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351678500769653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010918524482894,0.10730551358761943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715530215624904
suicidewatch,Nerevareeee,2019/01/29,"I'm going to kill myself today I don't belong here on this planet. Some people simply aren't meant to be. I hate myself. I don't want to live anymore. And why should I live for other people if I'll always be unhappy? I've lived so far because of my mother, but in the end it'll be better for everyone. Nothing makes me happy. I'll be alone and miserable and worthless forever. I just know it. It never gets better. I'll end it now. 
I've always known I'd die by suicide. It's how I'm meant to go. When I was 4 I took a kitchen knife and held it against my throat. I don't know why I did it, I didn't even understand what I was doing, yet I did it and something wanted me to cut it. But my sister prevented me. If only I died that day. I wouldn't have missed out on anything and I know I won't miss out on anything if I kill myself now. ""Life becomes better"" -no it doesn't. The longer I go the more the shittier it becomes and more I want to die. I'm not meant to be. I'm different and I'm weak. I hate myself for wanting to suicide, but there's no other way.
I never asked to be born. My greatest wish is never to have existed. Why did I have to exist like this.
I'm going to throw myself off a building. I know it's not the perfect suicide, but I've no other option.  I'm done with life. It'll be better for everyone. I'm just a waste of space anyway.",-0.9595932387236736,1.0485446053511716,2.1241634276416868,94.22668263581308,91.24080267558529,4.5702250745729005,17.44562957606436,6.099015368709567,-0.2759168218385608,1043,28,239,10,37,369,133,299,0.287,0.616,0.098,-0.9969,1,1,1,0,0,7,39.0,0,0,0,5,12,17,5,1,8,0,29,5,1,2,4,48,63,18,8,10,11,2,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,0,20,11,1,2,9,0,0,6,16,10,0,0,12,0,35,7,28,39,4,28,0,4,0,0,3,9,0,5,13,157,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971095143789262,0.0,0.0,0.1560355679089347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298705365547257,0.0,0.0,0.15431684523114186,0.0,0.08765513757701697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715665653781584,0.2071062917359824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317007060691147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046895713130032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29193153945611705,0.097961696449131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595143470225603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609121883045955,0.0,0.0,0.0619291459834524,0.0,0.0,0.17918788155341608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489869564755552,0.0,0.21314921050504496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981176202017024,0.0,0.18514181221793705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074682900965336,0.0,0.20611733553455144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245423731529196,0.04580754668703218,0.0,0.2483816109562166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258709478365351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694590710846365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996750085258874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131049008306015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000601143435658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721828356319835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076823685357122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887574173265955,0.0,0.10417341762196844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760991006570356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212138465359832,0.07442418687118244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538178034451314,0.0,0.10782207188281433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Romek_Buch,2019/01/29,I have a huge problem There is a fly in my room and it doesn't go out yet I don't want to kill it. How do I talk to it in fly-language for it to commit suicide?,-0.5155833333333321,-0.2333007249999977,2.59,100.24166666666667,81.25,5.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.6159166666666667,121,3,36,0,3,44,28,40,0.197,0.609,0.193,-0.0475,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26346838225684577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128926786246194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435921820371499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.507091257465327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726153769635373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734368761749186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chirinoly,2019/01/29,"I'm just laying here Hey SW, it's been a while...
I've been through hard days lately, so many days I just wanted to hide all day under my blankets, to not step outside, to just give up.
But today I just finished my semester of college, even though I was super anxious before because I'm afraid to be alone, just me and my thoughts, and I know that fear will probably come back in a couple days, but today... It's gone.
I'm just laying here, resting down the shadow this big tree in my campus, feeling the warmth breeze of hot summers like this, watching how the leaves dance with the wind, very simple things... And I feel at peace, I'm enjoying this moment and I feel good.
For some reason I hate being positive when I'm feeling down, but I just want to tell you, beautiful person, that there's a light, a warm, it may be hard to remember that it exists when you're in pain... But it's there, it is. ",6.598633879781418,5.0425352021857925,6.783715846994539,82.64256830601096,65.83060109289617,9.444808743169398,30.715846994535518,7.793537801064563,1.861181420765028,694,19,148,6,9,224,111,183,0.073,0.72,0.207,0.9836,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,1,18,9,1,2,8,0,9,1,0,2,1,32,26,14,0,2,12,0,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,8,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,5,10,14,5,19,16,3,27,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,2,15,94,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596498171129343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414224843447848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852953803386845,0.0,0.09396658835552092,0.0,0.13116775455933866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327840025500023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056073790984766,0.0,0.3976482843628327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181264826059068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734582449931027,0.3117654453949139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478718608528758,0.0,0.12929120100978406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761708920944644,0.1521882621367801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471516702651108,0.0,0.17388454478267587,0.16321942964599434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530844426263471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628087680433247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640232899548734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459522598341192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619655152262286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848880246480726,0.0,0.0,0.1746185165118465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347312836258582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240842595715817,0.0,0.15144865757954268,0.12237550989653452,0.0,0.0,0.2922266886852982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718742926768267,0.18183980410256556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amedynsta,2019/01/29,"The most depressing depression you can feel it happens when you completely miss your life's one purpose and completely betray yourself and all your aspirations, maybe because you're a fool, or maybe pressure from outside or because of silly gains like money. after you have strayed so far from your heart one day the world will start looking black and white, gravity starts getting stronger and you can't seem to own anything you own, everything becomes strange, even your body becomes strange. the outside world changes, the air doesn't seem to quench your spirit, and it feels like a faint hail of fire rains from the sky constantly, the suns Ray's turn you away from the sun, it's as if the sun doesn't want you to look at it, the moon looks pale in the sky, and it feels like it is summoning the beasts of the night upon you upon the one thing that doesn't belong in the world and is heavy upon the earth. the most horrible thing in the universe to look at is a mirror. and your life is like a spider on your neck, you just want to get rid of it no questions asked. if god would let you choose total annihilation and no accountability, you would choose that instead of all the riches in the world. and that's the only reason you go on living, because you have been taught that your soul belongs to god and if you take it god will punish you even more,. you hate yourself so much, that you never knew this level of hate even existed, you hate your personality, your history even the good parts, especially the good parts, the blackness of your heart is indescribable. the pain of existing each second is maddening. you hear people laugh and the children play and you pray to god to protect all humanity from an evil like this, and dont want them to know even the slightest of your existence, so u never approach the happy,.. You pray for more blessings upon the world, and you mean it but in the back of your mind you're hoping that your prayer for the sweet peaceful annihilation of you can also be answered.. ",8.349325657894738,7.295869656250002,7.441584429824562,77.70725328947371,62.07291666666666,10.375877192982456,34.27302631578947,9.276330184999452,2.805371875,1604,54,309,22,19,493,183,384,0.101,0.774,0.125,0.8311,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,37,1,1,13,26,5,1,35,0,22,8,4,1,6,51,53,27,0,9,7,0,4,5,0,4,4,1,0,3,19,16,0,1,13,1,3,2,9,11,0,4,3,13,38,15,43,44,14,36,5,3,7,0,44,24,0,11,15,213,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213648307158156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423059392270855,0.0,0.08432900391363908,0.0,0.08475007009243814,0.06936167040435526,0.0,0.164963425285814,0.1992475029886011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019683242043212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542436990033104,0.0,0.18915534379517604,0.09747898769971368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058174421528899886,0.0,0.1553859578257578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571896850145393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978960126220937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106996234491486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683027302086967,0.12888418457465398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942562263555789,0.0,0.051265279776316085,0.15131846153085354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976751602477869,0.09602433699485834,0.0,0.2671747208208985,0.0,0.0,0.10166699496416637,0.21378546550638755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959339336623992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957401835029315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224018339678633,0.1274281714192189,0.22034674125352052,0.0,0.0796522007395138,0.0,0.30299614910587336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124503135861603,0.09825911354214424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108080156198807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631066543093425,0.0,0.1391424983201782,0.0,0.0,0.08465078565310401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337465269465425,0.0686045651575663,0.095983917302007,0.0,0.0,0.19536530401234176,0.0,0.06253642256514473,0.07876306495005107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104965206716753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274521998224433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423752557266394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276943780664255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782253629779965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198556850164988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811656185800798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961480278802834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281573365717817,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enderbrosbrgames,2019/01/29,"Im kinda lonely,someone there? Does someone wanna play some videogames or something?",4.453333333333333,7.258319571428577,3.087142857142858,81.24119047619047,103.28571428571428,1.866666666666667,33.23809523809524,3.1291,1.7424095238095243,70,4,8,0,3,20,13,14,0.0,0.799,0.201,0.4137,0,2,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766942289827761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649654611000858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7294465546139548,0.3313854278583883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chazq98,2019/01/29,"My numbness is what keeps me going That and my fiancée. Being able to just push through the day until it’s time to sleep has been the way I lived life since I was young. I swear I can feel my fiancée distancing but I think it’s me. She understands how I feel, she gets me more than anyone ever has. She’s been there since I was a preteen so when things get rough I always turn to her. I don’t want to anymore, I feel like I’m becoming a burden. Every day is getting harder to live, every breath i take now a days is shaky and heavy, it’s like every second of every day I’m hyperventilating. I thought I would be able to do it as an adult once I left my family and stopped feeling guilty of leaving them. But now there’s someone I actually care about in my life, and the thought of causing her pain hurts me more than anything. Living is rough. But the thought of leaving her alone is even harder. ",2.5717741935483858,4.036432844086022,3.7739569892473135,90.09093548387098,75.39784946236558,6.250322580645161,24.227956989247307,6.742157984588678,0.6667208602150541,703,22,153,6,15,229,104,186,0.14,0.785,0.075,-0.9001,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,12,8,0,1,8,0,17,6,2,2,1,25,37,12,0,2,4,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,9,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,7,6,31,3,17,27,2,17,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,14,100,38,0,0.22958495105839385,0.0,0.11202089710282567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889038504899467,0.0,0.0,0.0955165354737764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384329006664015,0.08026556794801352,0.0,0.09446442640772808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677927043523454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117038579319464,0.11792349341116827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612660068709296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581934745341347,0.10383636610941027,0.3868704463688837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821612966023077,0.0,0.23217009902211586,0.08200776745467943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799229917379029,0.0,0.06523920923687929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288771924845535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203282664600126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24309731372084886,0.12472236054072278,0.0,0.1621626405661788,0.11216361030331573,0.0,0.3040915769637764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222502400174796,0.0,0.0,0.12214728743436755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991504398092526,0.0,0.11487537728217252,0.0,0.09726329200022546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597164960920762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630965549810851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626301999265861,0.07355438320210057,0.0,0.2733972093787131,0.06693641561770937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486124988661418,0.0,0.11950301539997835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770757623760623,0.09111692392515347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154528105891902,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrumiusBandersnatch,2019/01/29,"I want to disappear I can't make life work. Can't hold a job, can't manage my finances, can't make/hold friends, can't get relationships. Can't battle the constant barrage of suicidal thoughts anymore. Everything and anything puts stress on me. I've stopped functioning long ago and am just keeping up appearances. I've exhausted my therapy options. Everything hurts. Just being around hurts. I want to sell/burn all of my stuff, go someplace remote and silently step out of this world and make it like I was never here in the first place. I'm convinced that life isn't for everyone and that erasing myself is my best option. ",4.050924499229584,6.554999593220344,4.293636363636363,83.38580123266567,74.25423728813557,7.680739599383668,31.066255778120183,8.575989854853784,2.7023288135593218,504,24,90,10,11,157,79,118,0.181,0.7040000000000001,0.115,-0.847,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,1,1,3,0,11,3,0,2,2,22,21,5,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,1,5,8,5,0,1,2,0,10,4,11,18,2,18,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,3,7,52,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453722134860586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626395783528077,0.0,0.0,0.13495441383764772,0.14599086213897894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210327514742627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722099408499686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670483339411242,0.29477735984411074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949458223269312,0.0,0.0,0.1267026016079946,0.0,0.08568093764419157,0.0,0.09320248453945433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511213850479479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274033815512107,0.14576683346147884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166989877772076,0.08011997139041524,0.0,0.0,0.1451309543588153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284050297040962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648352457113385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134050794042702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486088411147448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606991167787506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371076733387453,0.1878564173654464,0.0,0.18773573803771648,0.17938457996045395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875432725875832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301941959868977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934577197150369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939075738144048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spiritpancakes,2019/01/29,"Keeping it real Dont compare yourself to others. That's what society wants u to do. Society has a secret problem. Population growth. They hope people off themselves, now that there's no wars. Realize there is something pushing you and dont fall for that bs. I'm saying this in case people are struggling to understand why things can be difficult. Bc it's designed that way. Build a bear groups def. talk about this shit. It's not a coicidence. ",2.293538961038962,5.174041535714288,3.4024675324675333,84.2698051948052,86.0238095238095,6.387878787878789,26.683982683982677,7.686295010490155,2.0712047619047627,355,16,62,7,11,114,65,84,0.204,0.7340000000000001,0.062,-0.9109,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,2,1,3,0,8,1,1,0,0,10,13,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,7,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,1,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5414729043483257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294403530610156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053280951235653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202999313546784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210408423211956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26293456703170925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837046599789394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23712358666701486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778391402276372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149686141053345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567328307637385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346963460878166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24048462950782404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625289145947722,0.1833612283229222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084463226561904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RudeQuit,2019/01/29,Any gun dealers UK I need a high powered gun to shoot myself with. ,-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142853,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,94.71428571428572,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.4210285714285713,52,2,11,0,2,17,13,14,0.444,0.556,0.0,-0.7351,1,0,0,3,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661095829539818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7241846062271879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082307672524735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hensot,2019/01/29,"I'm not sure what I should do :( I'm 24 years old male. I want to talk about myself and how I feel right now.

I always try my best to be nice to everyone. But, It feels like no one is nice to me. In fact, It feels like everyone hates me for no good reason. I was bullied in many years. It's very painful for me. I feel dead inside. I'm emotional guy. Even right now, I feel this way. I'm trying to live a normal life. I have made changes to my health. I eat healthier, I exercise, I have lost 37 kg (122 kg to 85 kg). I'm 193 cm tall. I have also improved my dental health. I've had this lifestyle since November 2014. But, my mental health is a different story. It feels like everyone hates me, everyone wants me dead. It's difficult for me to live when I feel like this. I never felt this bad before. In the last few days, the only thing going through my mind is suicide. I can't stop it. I don't know how to stop. I fear that I actually will take my own life. I've been bullied by a lot of people. My social life is getting worse and worse. I don't know who I can or can't talk to. I apologize if this post is long. ",-0.9434567901234558,1.0654315884773702,1.6513045267489694,97.65053703703705,91.13991769547329,5.215308641975309,16.741975308641976,6.742157984588678,-0.2567293827160495,848,21,209,12,30,290,129,243,0.222,0.6559999999999999,0.122,-0.9829,1,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,2,8,16,2,1,5,0,20,9,0,4,3,32,44,10,3,5,5,0,8,4,0,2,8,0,0,2,15,2,1,2,11,1,0,1,8,7,0,1,6,8,35,9,20,35,4,21,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,16,117,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0911066550361798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466058302775079,0.07768364896839294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795235265342597,0.0,0.0,0.07944314848925764,0.0,0.09797638000948954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876332735468728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020998035543095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754214556701472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553138675367606,0.0,0.10501831287801114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166391550288841,0.0,0.0,0.3568409094549392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505683473783306,0.3304421132098093,0.2667878430904752,0.08964099091652875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877715487404675,0.0,0.05305908347905552,0.0783065938323136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244185158926688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434888586561546,0.0,0.2977144341352776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261728754889672,0.0761014974085347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978304423895682,0.1824454475156836,0.0,0.16487856056842726,0.082621353505438,0.0,0.0,0.10191432129298407,0.07937199759758877,0.0,0.08834022857906608,0.0,0.09465317862387722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940857088003834,0.0,0.0942677748859072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200559000231402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147374324498043,0.0,0.0,0.09796643493814687,0.0,0.06326368156460976,0.07100508113136819,0.09934245366445396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472461049356132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941382112487073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599043233144898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945919412958404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722900300588033,0.0,0.0,0.09516955927432967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610758707231676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212154160920356,0.0,0.08799143143976136,0.0,0.0701956886003133,0.15007971903523812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620247546144064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677168419940932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703242205544099,0.11013321534022663,0.074105442562086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028522423761468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024256433093634
suicidewatch,smithnic,2019/01/29,"Wrote this when I couldn’t sleep. Life sucks. I feel as though my life has become this never ending lull.
I find myself just counting down the relentless days till I get the noble honor to name yet another hurricane.
Just going through the motions every day in between each storm. 
Only to find myself engulfed by tons of water and wreckage...helplessly drowning,
wondering, will I finally become a casualty.
So I sit here and wait ever so impatiently. 
They say, ""what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.""
If that's the case, why do I feel like the most feeble, hollow, fragile person in the entire cosmos?
I need control in my life. 
So how the hell am I supposed to foresee a massive hurricane coming when I'm not a meteorologist?",4.288799019607847,6.621154595588237,5.402058823529411,76.51843137254905,72.89705882352942,7.47450980392157,28.245098039215684,8.344100000000001,2.327948039215686,579,23,96,10,12,191,100,136,0.122,0.78,0.098,-0.6673,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,1,2,12,5,3,0,10,0,6,5,1,3,2,24,18,12,2,3,4,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,4,1,2,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,4,16,2,13,15,3,18,1,0,0,0,7,4,2,3,11,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850812384261346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389872560686449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204372127325652,0.0,0.0,0.19796574699150424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276626843270667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633134138559412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965918485124975,0.14871336128330034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849280625656266,0.12609544992636615,0.0,0.19335297209362307,0.32264536558571244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221675498737228,0.0,0.10031205210056274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527700690109348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740128238719624,0.0862315933327799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781868481491957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087647287290066,0.13613179916112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424026445285442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411765446990966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403641305097109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663280971356407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341560005740658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592686154011396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141251165641696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brokenskizo,2019/01/29,"Nowhere else to turn Used to be extroverted, doing well socially, had a large group of friends with a few close ones.
Over the last few years I have pushed absolutely everyone away and the rest has left. Possibly due to developing schizotypy (current diagnosis).
I am kind of close to an ex but he is getting sick of me and wants space and the constant rejection kind of fucks me up too so I need to pull away from what feels like my last lifeline. Think it might kill me. Kind of hope so.
I am absurdly unhappy, I cry hours daily, I punch myself, cut myself and half assed some suicide attempts with pills. I wish I could just... fade away.
I have no fight left in me so I don’t think it’ll get better. 
",2.4850747094631984,4.613035625899286,3.4361151079136683,89.47151632540123,77.63309352517986,7.154620918649695,24.36137244050913,8.139509932561175,1.325271831765357,548,19,117,10,13,175,97,139,0.254,0.64,0.106,-0.9836,1,0,0,0,1,3,19.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,4,0,6,0,13,4,1,1,0,21,25,8,2,5,2,1,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,5,1,2,1,1,17,8,19,20,4,21,0,1,0,2,6,11,2,3,9,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40133669296344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593125933477414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387163107615967,0.0,0.11368581349759532,0.0,0.15640733228932552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894751180889365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605853209640267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719960194743908,0.1017225361506348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100091784930658,0.13163608515400105,0.14878446761362124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414241355622101,0.14022421562952858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753203153233472,0.4448278483553235,0.0,0.2321316363319252,0.0,0.0,0.3094115404594457,0.0,0.0,0.06956394045338514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510519395228538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557943804360456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964862875374102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052189717824464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514737735542058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557501584444818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247389574282047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548780487460986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297814432272547,0.0,0.0,0.08398456128327103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802456719538371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637400107729423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169367280990164
suicidewatch,jacobwindrum,2019/01/29,"your opinion have been thinking about suicide for some time now but i have some, fears. i grew up a catholic and as most of you know, they say that it’s just a first class ticket to hell, and that scares me. but in other religions what do they think happens when you commit suicide ? do you really go to hell even if you want to die and your content with the decision? it’s not that i’m sad i’m just searching for something more than this life, i truly believe there’s something after death and i’m very opened minded to that. whether if there really is a heaven and a god or not, i want to find out. i want to explore the unknown so badly i’m itching for some excitement. just want to know some people’s opinion on whether it’s bad or not bad i really don’t know. any replies would help no matter what your opinion is, i promise to stay open minded. very curious.",1.8974077766699904,3.979957418079103,3.003921568627451,92.07044865403792,79.33898305084746,5.746626786307743,23.97108673978066,6.794906146795322,0.7478809571286145,681,24,143,7,17,218,100,177,0.254,0.575,0.171,-0.9831,0,0,2,0,0,4,16.0,0,7,2,1,10,11,2,2,6,0,9,2,1,0,1,48,24,16,4,7,14,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,11,9,0,0,8,1,0,3,5,8,0,1,1,1,17,3,21,22,6,15,3,1,0,0,11,6,2,12,5,97,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018685570614093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690336241447332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598615644620132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290131698352102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730755366319012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578291372784684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346534611963998,0.12531557504263274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372886429367328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028005608130208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874963420926333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428998499406241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406083921227176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975148914437737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213742441697984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831427738379471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715969306823795,0.1474992093187196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683778502927446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570301075082282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32230186193219623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888013371520785,0.0,0.0,0.08590708141802411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311905858829935,0.34758719664231474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046562926104878,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WreckTheTech,2019/01/29,"A blank page couldn’t say it any better “I went to write down how I’d been feeling, what I’ve been thinking... yet the page remained blank, and I couldn’t have said it any better.”

I’m 30 years old, a mother, a student, a hard worker.... I have a good job, a happy life, a great husband- and I still want to die.
I don’t, but I really do. I’ve attempted suicide twice within the past two years. The first time landed me in the hospital for two weeks and I was only released due to my insurance. The second time I spent four days in the ICU tripping balls and ripping out my oxygen and catheter because my stupid self didn’t understand what was going on and kept trying to leave. 
I went again to the hospital when I was so depressed my psychiatrist called the ambulance on me when I came in to get help because all I could do was cry because simply existing was entirely unbearable.

Only my husband knows this. My dad knows about one trip- not the others. My boss has no idea, just knows I have FMLA.

I.hate.this. I don’t want to be suicidal. I don’t want to feel this emptiness... these antisocial pulls. It’s not even really sadness at times. Just the lack of emotion and desire to be around anyone or do anything period.

I’m sorry... I’m not so certain this post has a point to it. I can’t express myself normally. The looks people give you when they find out you’re crazy... how uncomfortable they get. I just want them to see this is normal to me- this is my normal, my every day. 

I’m a walking pharmacy because it’s the only way to survive, but please keep telling me it’s all about positive self-talk and taking walks outside.

You make me want to die. Every judgement, every word you don’t understand. Everything ignorant piece of advice... you think you’re so helpful, but really you’re just an a** hole.

And then you wonder why I’d rather be alone. Why I don’t want to die, but I’m suicidal. Because I just want it all to stop. I just want it to go away.

And I’m so very... very tired.",1.13978770333609,3.481036565756828,2.8649495450785767,90.4731508133444,84.08684863523574,5.964356217259443,21.362503446374415,7.3011,0.7711530079955882,1548,50,322,24,45,511,198,403,0.171,0.72,0.109,-0.9905,1,1,0,0,0,4,72.0,0,5,3,6,23,10,1,0,23,0,30,2,0,4,4,71,70,25,6,17,15,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,17,14,0,4,12,1,1,10,13,4,0,7,14,7,43,6,34,50,7,47,0,2,2,0,22,14,0,2,21,199,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697161967892753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158036096711277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713049691335633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055076733107818535,0.0,0.06481972450268281,0.07012062217647808,0.0,0.0,0.07400555356858515,0.0,0.0,0.24008258623524695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932858951685229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043139634996026,0.090090124952071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289019948807092,0.0,0.08652344585879873,0.10159827039865987,0.0,0.06784315230145202,0.0,0.24524765177574864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860390657500716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052025819674075616,0.0,0.19909745423867928,0.0,0.07079200565351622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965539213364117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199293813244928,0.06700040504653422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230653026153513,0.07556187663354948,0.08953185300157479,0.06606724040772598,0.0,0.08684249642549037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385048186520529,0.07056106130625386,0.07776753888351451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559366603818973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891999459793777,0.0,0.0,0.07816553445505486,0.07001301934420817,0.0,0.0,0.12986724376620862,0.0,0.0,0.08340441741907705,0.0,0.0,0.05563648711927901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614566135246908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257855336821026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315290765514133,0.0,0.0,0.08265424011171253,0.0,0.053375541630086065,0.17972087160329456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519340028607815,0.05460812675534808,0.0,0.0,0.08646410659214772,0.07446164736949154,0.0,0.07543840342079285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138326203018102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492683566190846,0.06263983457785724,0.0,0.0,0.06276825807145935,0.0,0.1643453484289914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817483316456111,0.0,0.0,0.06290458752990492,0.06585395290377713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25847970560757705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922407306176336,0.06331109803510203,0.06884709892266748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094328704323496,0.0,0.0,0.13779155343017174,0.09053274828582496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053478608422363266,0.0,0.15389066423320666,0.16400147293611786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998444442685236,0.3716773905574245,0.06252273084121722,0.06318330096802513,0.0,0.0,0.14603828833369065,0.1421525525922242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542102617492164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144860114724157
suicidewatch,__plasma,2019/01/29,I slit my wrists today and then I steri stripped it. I don't know why I did it but it's just a huge mess now. Here's to another day in paradise.,-2.65323529411765,-0.9558904411764679,0.2502352941176476,105.38005882352944,100.47058823529413,3.896470588235295,15.623529411764707,5.6839178017228535,-1.0059811764705882,111,3,31,1,5,38,28,34,0.093,0.657,0.25,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5580914198175536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343245462954572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29250066321177914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044934882904883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802563915038434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,creggz,2019/01/29,"I never thought life would be this way I gotta say I'm pretty disappointed at how adult life has turned out. Started to get bad in my teens, but how did NO one prepare me/us for how hard it really is to not just survive, but thrive?

​

Every time I'm suicidal, if I confide in my partner, friend, or family member, they often try to give me 'to-do lists' of how I should improve my life. I'm at university, I get benefits but it's not enough to cover bills and rent, I try and do side jobs too for extra cash. But it's never enough money to cover anything. I also have anxiety, depression, BPD, and chronic fatigue, so to juggle any sort of 'normal' schedule is super hard. The amount of hours in a way I can productively work is lower than most people. If there's a week or two where I'm just as productive as a normal person, I make myself physically sick. I get flus, coughs, panic attacks, run down, and end up crashing really hard for 3-4 days.   


My partner knows this, but complains I never do enough. They're the worst for giving me 'to-do lists' when I feel shit.   


The worst part of this all, is that growing up I was really good at school, always got straight A's. Family, teachers, friends, everyone told me how wonderful I'd be when I'd grow up, that I'd get a really good job, that I was talented and be successful in something (all sharing their own opinions on what I should do). The worst part is that even when I try really hard, I feel like my mind has over the years gotten more bitter, more sad, more stressed, and I've tried everything. EVERYTHING.   


Even as I type this, my life is better than it was six months ago. But I still feel like fucking shit most of the time. I'm still in physical pain, exhausted, and constantly worrying about myself is exhausting. I'm only 26, and I can't take it anymore. I don't have the energy to keep trying new things that will work.   


We all hang on for something to change, even when we ourselves make changes. I've listened to everything my therapist tells me, and my doctor. I used to never believe that people were stuck in the same situations for forever, but maybe I'm starting to believe otherwise.   


Sorry, I feel like I just wanted to share this with someone, and no one in my life ever understands or listens, they just keep trying to throw advice at me. I'm so exhausted.",5.677765006385697,5.591419413793108,6.523429118773946,78.90151979565775,67.14655172413794,9.89131545338442,30.54725415070243,9.633347757342033,2.6398500319284794,1824,62,362,35,27,606,228,464,0.21,0.652,0.13699999999999998,-0.9901,5,0,2,0,0,1,74.0,2,0,3,6,27,34,5,2,13,0,29,17,2,8,8,71,69,37,1,8,18,0,8,3,4,5,14,3,1,4,18,14,0,2,8,0,4,5,10,20,0,4,10,12,45,14,50,51,20,54,0,4,0,1,21,22,3,11,28,234,63,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067160977486001,0.06092392487397502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496238798785922,0.05718785846242942,0.07446761451320545,0.08351300176418558,0.04673793354793982,0.0,0.052577335710527744,0.0,0.06816049102844324,0.0,0.0,0.056557937537662126,0.0,0.0,0.07818891986122686,0.0,0.0,0.05738566827842113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486762001225246,0.0,0.060785028967367385,0.0,0.0,0.08656150418271193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454118919757866,0.0,0.0,0.0742714049047686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044324383320266066,0.0,0.05919600553169292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034682815677701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060873307551725375,0.21304563519180586,0.0,0.136184151446845,0.06216912473702794,0.057906969250142916,0.06567330350244173,0.18530701254762413,0.0,0.1295827717298279,0.0,0.13900536379620054,0.14729958246775846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061993842783846,0.06353865824501677,0.1436318229732967,0.1318618347010081,0.0,0.11529289533192072,0.05496869131327768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462699820814623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768401311947819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640543674708136,0.12217861168876043,0.0,0.0,0.03777154519693341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427258822410521,0.10073224450894401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917540011172615,0.0,0.06904730664869631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939648483732835,0.0,0.05485866392400968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120315172749664,0.06637869300106704,0.0,0.0,0.1346792420590582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314481271602278,0.0522713413154182,0.07313227757600241,0.08063842582164238,0.0,0.14885316252300873,0.0,0.0952957775051908,0.06001132784089235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699218871838097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014711169684545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465589183856075,0.0,0.06955720404638087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410982291546633,0.0,0.07725403881862379,0.0,0.0,0.05823368015714865,0.10582155960614946,0.0,0.07693625273443766,0.09729318165110518,0.0,0.10977379986246352,0.0,0.07872859595526584,0.0,0.0,0.07517814038174739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167549616497544,0.0,0.06007199120934726,0.0,0.0,0.07979942167103361,0.04566035369294739,0.0,0.0,0.05456298163950032,0.08015261950908717,0.0,0.0,0.06567330350244173,0.0,0.27997401883075834,0.07475718681105352,0.06713804048157285,0.07154909353264556,0.08267227119885327,0.059359607014950064,0.0,0.0,0.040538020642231394,0.10910742780016808,0.05513008913552184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453344024324356,0.10007075436120293,0.06979742172888223,0.0,0.048822960007346615,0.0,0.08351300176418558,0.044259086959953134
suicidewatch,Fuckit9309,2019/01/29,A feeling of wanting to go home. Does anyone else have the feeling of wanting to go home? Is it depression or divine intervention?,2.9800000000000004,5.980140333333335,4.738333333333333,75.34,83.16666666666666,6.533333333333335,33.0,7.793537801064563,3.1376000000000013,104,6,16,2,3,35,18,24,0.125,0.6409999999999999,0.235,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,8,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641301868068285,0.3024706773553104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254258178965377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583344065590938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466044864527352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985273275434041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355416889006941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5922259801361588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34823712224421266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mytw1502,2019/01/29,"I'm slipping again i haven't felt this low in a almost two years and before that i felt like this day after day.

i thought 2018 would be a transition year, getting back on my feet and 2019 would be my year.

but we aren't even a month in and everything has been flipped upside down.

everyones leaving me and no one cares. i thought i finally had friends but they don't care about me when i'm not 100%.

i need someone right now and i have no one. i feel so lost and im falling back into my old ways.

i don't want to make it to my birthday next month. im sorry.

​",-0.8104017216642774,1.334725138211386,1.0463988522238168,100.44727403156384,94.3658536585366,4.194930655188905,19.43041606886657,5.900188976854957,-0.27233199426111865,444,15,106,4,17,144,79,123,0.16,0.758,0.08199999999999999,-0.7579,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,1,8,6,0,0,3,0,12,1,1,1,0,22,26,10,0,4,3,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,2,0,3,7,3,17,4,9,15,0,25,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,17,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168924093301302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331241066961368,0.17193487002934024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176055853288769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040389459293918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885321286348783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250827833538166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345772069194416,0.0,0.0,0.13520686196831316,0.12716876991148346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154535417481044,0.0,0.2717194528859792,0.15500352265520936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932056654279264,0.0,0.07392656919674251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568301969810624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982535203593444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912849896240708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446116413841116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445063596991722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258838037792293,0.0,0.0,0.1049185544361105,0.0,0.0,0.15048412635912853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847775459873264,0.0,0.19176464658110945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083803554468665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989031668890775,0.0,0.0,0.15839479284664906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466631442827412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382224326796282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345885267122319,0.11231407698066034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010314347702139,0.0,0.17193487002934024,0.273359125046091
suicidewatch,greyskiiess,2019/01/29,"ranting Ok I just came on here because I look at this thread a lot and I figured I'd post because I think about this shit all the time. I just feel like there is absolutely no escape and this is never gonna end. I wake up, I feel extremely depressed, and then throughout the school day it just gets worse. I get home, and i feel the exact same way. I think about killing myself all the time, and the thought of suicide is comforting. When anything happens, suicide is my comfort. Knowing that I could just end it all makes me feel relieved. I feel stupid ranting on here because my problems and my feelings feel so invalid compared to everyone else. I feel like I cant really complain ya know. I'm just so sick of feeling depressed and suicidal every day, and it is so hard to change my mind. No matter what I do, I will always be like this. I do go to therapy, but that only helps so much. It doesn't really do much anymore. Anyways, I hope this will go away one day because I'm so over it. Sorry if this is stupid, I'll probably delete this later. ",3.023218645948944,4.569451000000001,4.079189789123198,88.02829633740289,74.37735849056604,6.686348501664817,28.50832408435072,7.285733465282438,1.5203182019977808,820,34,168,9,17,266,117,212,0.173,0.713,0.114,-0.9329,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,1,0,0,17,16,4,0,6,1,15,3,2,1,5,44,41,17,4,4,7,0,10,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,15,9,0,0,15,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,2,11,25,8,13,34,7,22,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,3,14,111,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761738680988643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442853200237152,0.0,0.0,0.08665228640555434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893208390852104,0.0,0.0,0.2567577098860613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204342562322358,0.0,0.0,0.11139261312232986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407285930252936,0.0,0.0,0.2037278581274112,0.0,0.18138812865944065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796398703613614,0.0,0.1865277098166101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871913479871255,0.10061791769728147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791820480016698,0.15045156834576678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002899330395607,0.0,0.11968794727585348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311575294191803,0.0,0.09432741870318076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705798478962601,0.0,0.10562370374625092,0.10458588530357857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649798611802815,0.0,0.11573939556072099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433164081789374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884248249429343,0.0,0.0,0.08952163174274716,0.0,0.0,0.07028804735298294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632219528264383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548140859184586,0.0,0.08121325034916617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135347698354344,0.08008480216326734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084754585659704,0.0,0.11353036942891805,0.10075713305873096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491475400005645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065684328142798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808813666414872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178738563879778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34554076945211504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204188355724658,0.0,0.0,0.13494297741463634,0.0,0.08359581904871598,0.12280164454780325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358161996640863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730890166485678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hellllllllpmehplz,2019/01/29,"It’s been three years and I can’t get over it I’m married with two children. I’m out of work because I can’t afford childcare costs. I have no friends. 

Three years ago my husband cheated on me with a girl that was the complete opposite of me at the time. Blonde, 5 years younger than me, skinny. I was a year postpartum and had bad depression, I thought I looked disgusting because of how my body had changed. At first I thought my husband had only kissed her, so we made progress to sort our relationship out for our child. I was stupid enough to let him still see his friends at the weekend and I trusted him. Out of the blue he suggests we get married (we were already engaged and had been for 2 years). 6 months later we were married (because he seemed to be completely changed, he was a good dad to our child, and it was just a kiss right?) 

Don’t get me wrong, My mind was tormented but I ignored it. I wanted to find the girl and beat her up if I’m being honest but I know that was me projecting my pain on to an easier person but I still messaged her when I found out and she had the audacity to say she was the victim not me. For weeks she went around town, saying she was my husbands new girlfriend and that he “upgraded” because I couldn’t make him happy. I was completely humiliated. It took a few of my husbands guy friends to tell her to back off to give her the hint. 

Fast forward two years and  we had our second child, and a few weeks after my husband gets drunk and I question him about when he cheated as I always had a tiny worry more happened. He comes clean and says he slept with her twice, but AFTER we got back together. So after I confronted her via messages and told her we had a child. After I finally forgave him. So basically when he was going on nights out he was going back to hers. And it lasted two weeks before he realised he was making a mistake. 

It’s been a year or so since I found out the whole truth. I’m stuck married, I have two children with no means to look after them on my own. Every time I think of that horrible girl I fantasise about killing my self. I’ve spiralled in to a habit of searching her online. Hoping I’ll look one day and something bad will have happened to her to make me feel even a bit better about myself. 

Part of me a year or so ago wanted to talk to her. Try and tell her what she did to me but I know she wouldn’t care. 

I don’t know I just feel really down today and I’m trying to talk myself out of hurting myself. 

Most days I starve myself all day, I post things online to make my life seem amazing incase she sees. I feel like my whole life sometimes is decided on what would make her jealous, what would make me seem successful to her. 

She has long hair and I recently got mine cut short but it took me a few years to build up the confidence because I thought that it would make her better than me. 

I feel like I really need help 

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suicidewatch,gufestus2,2019/01/29,"Struggling with depression for many years and gradually changed my mindset. I've been suffering from depression since I was 17. It wasn't a free fall but a gradual decline. I was depressed. Unmotivated. Spent hours lying in my bed. Doing nothing but crying eating and jacking off. But some things happened in my life which changed my perspective. I found an old group of friends which I'd isolated because of my depression. I started hanging out with them. Made a lot of new friends this way. I started doing volunteer work for underprivileged children which gave me a perspective about the world I never had that before. Their smiling faces made me feel something that I've never felt before. I've never felt happier than watching those kids smile. And it made me realize how fucking precious life is. You may not think much of your own but their are others who do and they depend on you. This isn't a guilt trip or a way to say that you shouldn't kill yourself because some people have worse than you. That's not my point. My point is that there's so much more to life we have yet to experience. So many things to see. So many people to meet. So many lifes to influence. You can't just let go of those things.

Also, I don't know if it's allowed here but the best things I've done for my own health is getting weed and benzoids. I suffer from anxiety so the benzoids help with that while weed is what allows me to relax when I'm feeling super tense. They aren't for everyone but if you do feel in the pit of despair, their are ways to get out of it. ",2.9302608892921995,5.24427828289474,3.636433756805808,87.6621052631579,77.02631578947368,6.561524500907443,25.94328493647913,7.6298220110432995,1.4255790834845734,1234,47,242,18,29,390,163,304,0.147,0.703,0.15,0.7252,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,7,6,3,13,18,2,2,11,0,25,8,1,8,3,48,47,23,1,3,12,0,5,0,2,2,5,1,1,2,24,11,1,0,9,1,2,4,11,11,0,0,14,8,34,8,34,30,9,29,0,7,2,1,24,10,1,8,12,169,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427611294023231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105295581760944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323758784098295,0.0,0.15806810046802044,0.0,0.09747184353429232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965094768741156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202433310948142,0.0,0.0,0.31998967682800616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504850067967484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950394409485878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875083282740591,0.0,0.09085447511442214,0.0,0.0,0.14088877610592548,0.0,0.17835875626408196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183814036353772,0.14351773548461622,0.08586607548638846,0.09705194675432056,0.0,0.0527858518802444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213348886636197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987271106877104,0.0,0.0,0.062255514971703285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146810367520826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275797320510363,0.0,0.05104442619185751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497610623474538,0.2624156002368213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896326573901867,0.0,0.2636559424937425,0.0,0.3766630208610031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655499311777153,0.0,0.21490437598184914,0.08970409544907951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912087758219697,0.0,0.09746194967581588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878261283455011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756032677548106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386191436854603,0.0,0.0,0.07401334524557936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683130665339406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150357181127302,0.0,0.0,0.13148190268276408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709835613218737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682141456717385,0.05951376208058011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117149363198133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761775575134052,0.0,0.0946526683368996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059811683262292074
suicidewatch,Sinthoral,2019/01/29,"I don't know how to keep going... Recently I have made the biggest mistake of my life and lost the person that was the most important to me. She was my everything, my motivation, my light and I don't want to continue living without her.
I can't blame anyone but me, I am disgusting and I deserve this. I sincerely truly want to die right now, there is nothing to keep me going. Everything in my life was for her and everything reminds me of her. She was the sweetest thing to evee exist and I ruined it. 
I really really want her back but I wouldn't want her to be with me if she can find someone so much better.
I wish I could just die...",1.405789782736349,3.4808113053435115,3.743053435114508,86.1748620082208,80.98473282442748,7.389547856723429,23.054022313564296,8.384062270229773,1.5467317674691718,495,17,103,11,13,171,74,131,0.16699999999999998,0.691,0.141,0.0782,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,1,0,4,0,14,2,0,3,0,27,26,10,2,9,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,6,1,30,2,13,17,2,10,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,2,5,81,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185607619736083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300852122663625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148215086540306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772454989720994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320511642130269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313173021560144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621142393559966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183144145151567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843807606105573,0.0,0.0,0.08791637590303468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598577625818256,0.0,0.0,0.14125812380665448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462823262459096,0.0,0.0,0.15136928540264616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175977575029866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349735825955108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968129790275266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496419857854875,0.0,0.15795295800645362,0.0,0.0,0.13661513364024025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554367681332316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627822606157482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774222995183945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395979702938686,0.15420720875954647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joshmatto,2019/01/29,"Hey Guys , Look What I Found For Those In Need Of His Services Hello, this is to enlighten everyone in need of any online services that has to do with Retrieval of social media accounts or gaining access into any of your choice. Other services include :- Email Retrieval, school grade boosting, catching cheating spouse, dealing with internet stalker or threats and protect yourself and family including friends from threats. 
Contact John Tel:-+1 916 644 0760",14.557200000000002,12.336561786666673,11.152000000000001,59.63600000000002,51.13333333333333,12.666666666666668,57.0,10.504223727775694,6.6962,374,24,47,5,3,108,61,75,0.102,0.741,0.157,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,7,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,13,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,2,0,28,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852760775627745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920460949829263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706832636070373,0.0,0.0,0.26704829579473965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105985523187305,0.21885906750878034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804887154926378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378812913962847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200925354565908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28669139504996843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887651748199788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qairul1311,2019/01/29,"Suicide thoughts after being ghosted out by someone that u really in love with What i can say that everything in my life is going really well, but i feel lonely for a long time and falling in love has been a tricky thing for me, so every time when im in love with someone , i always end up getting ghosted by that person , and what make it worse that person always show interest in me and then gone for awhile like in the movie notting hill when the girl leaves and come back like its notting . And recently she did the same thing again , and i don’t think my mental health can survive this anxiety and torture ! Like we would have a great conversation and then gone for few weeks , and it hurts like hell , like i will think that am i not good enough, did i do something wrong or i said things that hurt her? She just drives me crazy ! ",9.024441558441561,6.249569296969696,8.048917748917756,79.33909090909094,62.09090909090909,11.125541125541126,34.48051948051948,8.841846274778883,2.606688311688312,654,18,136,7,7,202,103,165,0.219,0.584,0.197,-0.6039,0,2,1,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,1,7,18,2,0,6,0,14,5,0,1,0,27,28,16,3,1,6,0,1,5,0,2,2,2,0,3,15,14,0,0,4,1,0,6,4,6,1,0,7,3,17,12,17,18,3,27,1,3,0,3,13,8,1,1,18,95,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752122594970105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999226084358907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050738762826893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259449278636967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576964798361493,0.13505765325052796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012822722324782,0.0,0.11747309548499422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609055217201004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829021722999899,0.0,0.07428511044085707,0.1096327638862619,0.0,0.1441074706186148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389378793693029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798540295928705,0.0,0.1411884796327433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840228145669015,0.0,0.0,0.09232384791866796,0.3192898211171523,0.0,0.0,0.11567362207353772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539107539946213,0.0,0.08724947631116932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317242366597172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282606475183227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747145605056565,0.0,0.12905967016818873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433448153990327,0.10394528592033712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149914055039505,0.10062640915536887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297476509983065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605123634533004,0.1675064901457574,0.0,0.10376858809542963,0.15243529419929872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484712050682347,0.0,0.11752336308724945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320394898391186,0.0928521403041196,0.1429101063353541,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stephiexcakes,2019/01/29,"I wish I had the guts to commit suicide I’m emotionally exhausted with dealing with life, but I know suicide isn’t the answer. I hate being a disappointment to everyone when i tell them how depressed I am. They tell me I have such a great life. If that’s so then why do I feel this way? I’ve gone back and fourth with myself different ways to do it and yet I will never gather enough courage to go through with it. And that makes me sick. ",1.482148962148962,3.5647242967033,3.0060805860805893,91.51947496947498,80.75824175824175,6.242246642246642,22.1990231990232,7.3871296695380915,0.7155777777777774,345,11,76,5,9,113,64,91,0.305,0.609,0.085,-0.9788,1,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,1,0,4,0,8,5,1,2,2,17,16,9,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,1,14,2,9,12,1,9,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275526034376832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048070324279564,0.1711033075116732,0.0,0.0,0.20755467665149632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234628103080425,0.0,0.2052661746617731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982563677323805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004471386783837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290156527625335,0.0,0.0,0.21902045920490096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961330313911017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917689893048316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806351604105959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326053415900495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321681579951227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434597853566556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34727060694081674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315369957871648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925738335154026,0.0,0.22844617923856336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Super-StarXx,2019/01/29,"Just sick of everything right now There’s nothing to do and everything is pissing me off to the point where I feel like shit... then me being who I am I go and start hating myself for feeling like shit in the first place.. I just want to scream and cut and rip myself apart so that I’ll stop feeling this... I don’t know what it is exactly about me that’s making me feel like this.. I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and severe depression so I don’t know if it’s just depression or a combination of things... either way I’m so fucking sick of it all and I just want it to stop",1.193249999999999,3.240910491666668,3.0599999999999987,90.935,81.58333333333334,6.666666666666668,21.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.9024166666666664,449,14,99,8,12,150,69,120,0.29600000000000004,0.608,0.096,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,11,12,6,0,3,0,8,7,3,1,2,26,22,12,0,3,7,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,11,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,0,5,14,3,11,21,2,15,0,2,0,1,1,7,4,2,9,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353997569611155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781834790927949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850823813621624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902749320542769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266182858629181,0.3461070552966518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736394274291724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492955888554308,0.0,0.0,0.09177891029788462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943867430403327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750217703402507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236688658150434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077963243559503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495472248590228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872345395472338,0.0,0.15266094971667962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379122113932581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243857207438835,0.33153585218737425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430397845518987,0.0,0.0,0.2700269829648481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728727329508032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050284755706826,0.12818383431322325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nosleep_xx,2019/01/29,"Young single mom want to die Ill be 24 this year. I have my HS Dipolma and a dead end job (which im trying to change). But man i cant even get a decent night of sldeo bc this kid glued to my hip. I really love him. But i really miss my old life. Im so fucking apathetic all the time. I barely even make it to my therapy apts bc there weekly and thats just too much for me. I live with my mim and her husband, he is 9 years my senior, which makes fir a really awkward living situation. I cant afford to move out bc my job doesnt even cover daycare. Im at a dead end. I just honestly wanna spend a really really sweet day with my son, and give him all the loce i have, and then go pop 8 xanax and act like the no good hoodlum intruly am and then beforeni sober up, end it. I live in a fairly rural area so there are all these trees and i feel like they are xalling to me. Ive beeb having that thought fir about 5 years now. ""The trees are calling me"" yes i see a therapist, and a psychiatrist. I have stopped taking my meds in effort to lose weight bc I have a longtime eating disorder. I shouldnt even have a kid. Im so fucked up. I am like 17 mentally. I cant deal with this much longer man. My som prefers my mom anyway. Its like im just here for aestetic reasons but really im just blowing in the wind. Help me.",-0.7875609756097575,1.2421751219512238,1.9571289198606256,95.6360418118467,90.46341463414636,5.3705923344947735,16.91080139372822,6.868970318607317,-0.13152097560975615,1008,25,243,15,35,349,157,287,0.091,0.825,0.084,-0.2393,3,0,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,1,2,18,13,2,1,15,1,19,9,1,3,3,33,33,17,3,4,7,4,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,4,11,13,2,1,4,0,1,3,6,5,0,0,1,4,37,8,22,30,6,28,0,2,1,3,18,8,2,0,21,141,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908057345480443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922870878919336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626181192820591,0.0899393769753847,0.0,0.0,0.090540106020173,0.0,0.09998322817149133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926707637251736,0.0,0.0,0.2318030612751084,0.0,0.0,0.23048163087250406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04411056087574426,0.062323419489930636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130173834667688,0.04557867479305788,0.08368741072889628,0.04957982311502837,0.07317177034313124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847433185760983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653972758089448,0.0,0.17314210494024332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616193476988997,0.17048189344507694,0.0,0.2311003884472476,0.0,0.0,0.09759790760770032,0.0,0.0,0.0787364272482292,0.0,0.1164651590800468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690264541160656,0.0,0.08791619632511058,0.0,0.0,0.2043460673239945,0.0,0.09272104318211112,0.12826111852117145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186770846743772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154245035839276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33532447290688144,0.08969602080682333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951803247871274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980600716157158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293554700218811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559272411131928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997651760814354,0.10129097615628918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925786624176528,0.05086964856103768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059229421867812784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145570727595767,0.0,0.06997770694555347,0.10623336182158498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853678991963328
suicidewatch,ThrowAway12191919,2019/01/29,"My entire life has been a waste My entire life has built up to this: finding a job. Working hard at high school, working hard at College, and I thought I finally found something I enjoy doing: programming. Every single person I know has a job. Including people who graduate months, or more, after me. Every single person has a job offer, and I’ve only every gotten 1 interview and I bombed it. That job me and 10 friends applied to. We all got offered interviews and they said “We have an unlimited number of openings. We can offer everyone a job we see fit.” 

I was the only person not to get an offer. And now I walk around school and constantly I hear the teachers talk about how funny it is that everyone applying from my school is getting offers from them. Well not me.

I only have 6 weeks left of my degree, and I was thinking about just dropping out and working in the service industry. I get that not everyone gets a job doing what they want to do. Sometimes you just have to face the music and move on from your dream. I’m there. 

Today I got my 200th rejection letter. And that got me thinking about what I should do next. I thought I would drop out and get a 50% refund for this quarter. But, I don’t want to be a college dropout, I just want to be done with everything. I finally came to the realization. I thought it would scare me, but for the first time I think I’ve finally got things figured out.

I’m not looking for pity, or career advise. I just wanted to share the amazing feeling of peace that I felt when I came to the realization. I plan on buying a gun sometime next month, drive out somewhere and blow my brains out. If I hide where I do it well enough then by the time someone stumbles across my body it will be a distant memory.

I’ve finally found my place. And it feels good.",2.7242594537815137,4.737115462184878,4.064578956582634,85.7920785189076,76.45098039215686,6.815441176470588,25.72207633053221,7.756953410329674,1.4988404061624652,1408,52,275,21,32,463,179,357,0.045,0.846,0.109,0.9577,6,0,1,1,0,0,41.0,4,2,3,6,15,10,0,1,21,0,27,5,3,1,1,64,61,22,0,8,13,0,5,0,1,4,2,2,0,3,17,28,0,0,14,1,2,5,5,3,2,2,18,9,48,7,38,36,5,44,0,2,2,0,27,19,0,3,18,193,65,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526029382953345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142945002083858,0.0,0.0818367644799212,0.0,0.16769126807559187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922067160435631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502026208818632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574749359645733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529724866997613,0.21014884059125105,0.06588514115153142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413417243596435,0.0,0.0703878574884015,0.32122443194918016,0.06700283240999391,0.06235635087535377,0.0,0.1607584322953939,0.056638127131768974,0.0,0.19150387511674796,0.0,0.0,0.061487867444520984,0.23452668755271186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313404088794449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826242435535841,0.0,0.0,0.07745467654453478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364854949268176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028854956860045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965012740133855,0.0,0.1035602190724762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156085273383353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702862507987075,0.07791555658369469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592928850593168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726373104066986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050823028759860014,0.19203101253519408,0.07659199849405028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973337028737282,0.0,0.07339480704602205,0.22257698342481805,0.0584175501837677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211423168792645,0.056436626134705965,0.14500837644549705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892276383461888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870304917330973,0.14091978297014282,0.0,0.1745967801104507,0.08549379611843902,0.0,0.06948808487080714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295750497282647,0.0,0.05880382487074316,0.0,0.1318266677767964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010884091826436,0.0,0.0,0.10415280783913906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alt113579,2019/01/29,"This week it would be so easy Going to be so cold the next few days and I'm not too far from lake Michigan. Just have to get drunk and then walk into the water. Swim until I pass out. Don't even think it would hurt that much. Normally I'd be afraid of failure, but this week. -23 tomorrow. Do it at night so no one will see and rescue me. Easy-motherfucking-peasy.

​

Normally two things hold me back 1) fear of failure (I refer to it as pulling a Robespierre) & 2) the pain it would cause my friends. But with 1 gone, damn but I want to. 

​

Something broke in me (or was broken idk) a long time ago. I've wanted to die for so long. O miseri! quorum gaudia crimen habent -- O pitiful men, who hold their joys a crime (from Montaigne, probs him quoting someone else). The only joy of mine I hold to be criminal anymore is the fierce pleasure I feel thinking about letting it all go.

​

God will forgive me. I don't believe in hell. I really just have to come to terms with the pain I would be causing. But really, who are my friends to take away from me the pleasure of dying? Am I to be denied so sweet a gift as death because it would make them feel bad? 

​

Anyway. 

​

What should I do?

​

​",0.8861693548387102,3.4029958427419373,1.8494354838709697,95.60665322580644,88.55645161290323,4.2290322580645165,21.056451612903224,5.800992412223965,0.04253387096774208,971,33,201,7,32,303,152,248,0.225,0.601,0.174,-0.9562,0,0,1,0,0,0,70.0,0,0,2,0,12,18,2,2,11,0,25,4,0,3,1,39,40,17,3,10,8,0,2,0,2,8,2,0,0,1,14,8,2,3,6,2,0,8,4,10,0,2,2,5,21,8,30,23,4,29,1,3,1,0,9,7,2,1,14,128,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257139181641938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140661765709875,0.504444899538973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588158410290882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572015241684952,0.045602827733387294,0.049518222241138915,0.036152525459489326,0.0,0.0,0.06681780883439388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184766336261064,0.0,0.05108706314460767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03824761007060897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310100055896298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049542742568522036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039171203538994656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673599337825738,0.059974020549648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163968757939242,0.0,0.03098505578249978,0.0,0.06741019092286601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348854250007607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060644635127985236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496828910182153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039587366978061006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043596900635531684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307284512567103,0.05565487643434843,0.11621502092110995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018743420659681,0.045105058000563886,0.12621201364909096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598617515341169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725938443850119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024997359881623,0.04565683090991974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459090187994895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940042191033598,0.07600207103773947,0.0,0.0,0.03458193783510319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793356615228695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996069839732884,0.0,0.09514375585003393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106472100650897,0.0,0.504444899538973,0.0
suicidewatch,ppolsthrowaway,2019/01/29,"I'll probably end this soon Hi, my names kyle and i am 22 years old in a few days, ive been really depressed for the last 10 years, i tried killing myself when i was 15 by driving a bike under a truck but unfortunately just hit the side of the truck.
I didn't have any friends from 4th-9th grade and was really lonely, now i got a few amazing friends who i love but i still feel lonely.
I was bullied a lot in school, from things like my looks and me being annoying to even getting bullied for trying to kill myself, the teachers didnt care because most of them bullied me too.
So yeah that made me absolutely hate myself, now i've changed a lot in the last 5 years by changing how i look and how i think but i still hate myself so much.
I was never very social but gaining new friends after 9th grade helped me a lot on that, lately been pretty quiet because one of my best friends tried killing himself right in front of me.
I got a job that i dont really like, but it makes decent money.
I dont know why can't i just be happy with what i have and it makes me even more miserable.
This is all just rambling, just wanted to vent a bit before i eventually kill myself. 

This place has a really nice community and i hope you can all find peace and happiness in your lives, i already tried too many times.",4.870748141263942,4.778419947955391,5.618176115241635,84.72793331784389,68.85130111524164,8.509386617100374,28.336663568773236,8.07648339933343,1.607425464684015,1022,31,221,12,16,334,150,269,0.265,0.58,0.155,-0.9908,1,4,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,2,1,2,18,25,7,1,15,1,20,1,0,5,3,36,38,17,4,2,9,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,4,1,1,2,6,11,0,1,11,4,39,14,22,24,12,31,0,4,2,1,14,10,0,5,21,149,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177187159741348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271572547994174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243822444338528,0.0,0.07847613542740305,0.0,0.09678377320797013,0.0,0.10068511228527913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402887871052068,0.0,0.19512228304484727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947708093534334,0.0,0.07943270381491678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161725198363445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168340693869541,0.0,0.0,0.12182663643153473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663140608869636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429139179781414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850092387465254,0.0,0.04818342027540246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475204867951266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963490865265808,0.0,0.18210491915532706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061816042700032686,0.0,0.0,0.09159959598169252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915184441801086,0.0,0.4081303487604391,0.0,0.0506840949032182,0.15035032046011845,0.10403309205788393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011232510057164,0.0,0.08143579713480764,0.0,0.15489046568786902,0.0,0.0,0.2352175518366125,0.08323608315314407,0.08726491678002869,0.12312094927889874,0.0935010231288351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779551409467592,0.0,0.07112910981008952,0.08907085897801215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967739491919239,0.0,0.06249361129955399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635482443689383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382532664096707,0.09943345549120056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632513933410765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875909723888844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933359732229198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940111181921303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473009817604098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126976505254925,0.05909364430902037,0.0,0.0,0.05377676439710409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504571393954273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760947532982167,0.0543963153931623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321813789267905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816838724327655
suicidewatch,jmichael89,2019/01/29,"I hope I don't have to do it. I live in dread of the unknown everyday. I worry that a future event may happen. It may not, but if it does, I won't be able to survive it. I won't go into specifics, except that involved a mistake on my part that was psychologically and spiritually self-injurious. I feel like I live right now in a hell of fear and paranoia. The sad part is that I don't even have a way to kill myself if it comes to that. I won't have a lot of time, so hanging is out. The reason why is because I'm too broke to afford any other method. Well, I won't be in a couple of days, or weeks. By that time I can maybe afford a quick exit strategy. Even though I'm not the happiest person in the world, and I've thought about suicide before, I've never been this close to actually following through. Even through all my extreme insecurities and a fear of intimacy that is so crippling it has and will continue to condemn me to a life of loneliness. I may be miserable, but if my life continues to be as uneventful as it has been these many previous years, I will continue for the sake of continuing. However, if the event I fear so much comes to me, I will have no choice but to die. This fear of the unknown is the most hellish I've ever experienced. That is why I came here tonight, right now I feel particularly overwhelmed. There is darkness all around me right now, it's palpable. I know I will feel better once I have my exit strategy in hand. It will be an enormous relief to know that I have that final option. As I said, I really hope it doesn't come to that. I'm not a religious person, and I don't care what you worship or don't. But please pray for me, I'm a halfway decent person and have only ever hurt myself. ",3.760865831012072,4.33207658495822,5.593610724233984,81.60159528783659,71.45125348189416,8.768848653667595,28.05025533890436,8.959647251330699,2.030044475394615,1350,47,290,25,24,467,165,359,0.255,0.674,0.071,-0.9977,3,0,1,0,0,4,41.0,0,1,0,2,19,23,3,8,21,0,43,3,1,1,5,50,64,24,3,7,14,0,4,1,0,12,2,1,0,3,26,15,0,0,7,0,0,7,14,15,1,0,6,6,36,8,40,41,7,47,4,5,0,0,6,17,1,14,23,212,62,0,0.09883402455187287,0.0,0.09644775098318636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721052585838769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798323588118907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060248304022571635,0.0,0.08410047542377096,0.0,0.0,0.08741066305431837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303979440277664,0.10076787497307796,0.0,0.0,0.2554102823664907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093579683134564,0.0,0.06373976950110892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257411360473083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649032091608218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583682327188,0.17880206712371982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44486302046112974,0.14992035733077907,0.07060704688782986,0.0,0.10826784292762252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616965378381894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739860150684263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963289738652364,0.0,0.0,0.10580386741669624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934520468765598,0.0,0.10863319032134036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961878882068202,0.048285312096632345,0.0,0.17454450880514594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402515333583806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020218828204673,0.09929206185815176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265438003424235,0.0,0.0762268926587495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525501055412652,0.0,0.07516772930341467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405523456859074,0.0,0.0,0.2588941740979645,0.0,0.10849007965740932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331560691776626,0.10161783802286978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532111508420917,0.09401379011272046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310544250742996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810838144844884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971039273144637,0.07846317562651456,0.11526182903673697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844984834410385,0.07927869291905262,0.0,0.08886365756131583,0.0,0.17836466901787246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037074945014574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364587141062597
suicidewatch,dimlitmirror,2019/01/29,"All alone My gf of 10 years dumped me. We grew up together. Every day she told me she loved me. She was my only friend and she knew me better than even my own family. I never thought anyone would love me that way but she gave me hope that maybe i wouldnt have to be alone the rest of my life. 
Shes blocked me in all forms of communication and told me to never talk to her again. Im done being betrayed and treated like trash. I cant function i can barely sleep let alone function at work. Itd b better if i just killed myself and sav me a life of being disappointed  i know such a sad sob story but it hurts so bad im so alone and i have nobody to talk to or love me or want me around.

Im going to die by terminal dehydration. That way at least i can be content it wasnt a spur of the moment decision.",-0.1528528708133976,1.7850426022727284,2.370358851674641,94.56698564593306,86.04545454545455,5.2961722488038285,16.64952153110048,6.5966054737557815,-0.3669386363636362,622,13,149,7,19,214,102,176,0.244,0.627,0.129,-0.9808,0,4,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,3,7,16,2,0,5,0,17,6,1,0,4,26,29,12,2,5,6,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,8,0,32,9,18,13,6,15,0,4,0,3,18,5,1,4,7,100,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998641836678807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436738299408815,0.0,0.0,0.10741184258996787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074499189700473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342566652933334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781489302824926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252247025694178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347576312670135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969394708708702,0.0,0.10166017618861574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374630355940245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322062833426947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857313157597195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198413346898244,0.0,0.0,0.12916765607164685,0.0,0.390996370608176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334909974184004,0.0,0.06631087741873205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233817168317059,0.17044964551724767,0.05894775624454849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32669761888752197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121790261434763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861188876126461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176639421044418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207458590217984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939618185140856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578954655503956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23058915675957894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711676396501586,0.19154655263924705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784098573473924,0.0,0.0,0.08571249334352526,0.0,0.0,0.07770026020287699
suicidewatch,mojoit,2019/01/29,"Anyone else just always mad at the world I hate it so much, why do we have to deal with such hardships all the time... Im just so done wirh everything",-0.3562499999999993,1.8152458750000025,1.1737500000000018,100.89625,90.25,4.45,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.9833375000000002,116,2,28,1,4,37,28,32,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673999758910191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470466320536034,0.32927463644996763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313114096712009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32886618954809216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684577669929621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28882057613811474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172796868492774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471274666189615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623897236293104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738950102854968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899803569638698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maxdepresso,2019/01/29,"I've decided I'm going to kill myself. I've been suffering from extreme depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia for years now. I'm so tired of living like this i don't see any point in living anymore. I think I'm so fucking ugly i feel bad that people have to see me. I go days without leaving the house when i get the chance cause i don't want to make people see me. I just hate my face so much i don't think i will ever come to acceptance with the way i look, the only solution is to kill myself. I'm only 18 and while my family may be heartbroken, it's the best thing i can do. I'll be doing everyone a favor. Honestly, i can't see anyway that my life won't end by suicide. Suicide is my last hope. Thanks for reading, I just needed someone to listen. ",1.6095031055900648,3.21018991925466,4.139720496894412,85.86560559006216,78.37888198757764,7.3329192546583855,23.301242236024837,8.192908349453996,1.361650931677019,591,19,125,11,14,208,100,161,0.234,0.608,0.158,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,5,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,14,4,0,6,0,16,5,2,2,1,19,40,7,4,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,1,0,3,6,7,0,0,1,7,21,7,14,34,2,14,0,2,5,1,1,2,1,2,9,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088881244759265,0.0,0.0999860004354739,0.0,0.12962039239062145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912997731696174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716276371504355,0.0,0.0,0.14517948186565485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426605537384753,0.0,0.11258744336604036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842914109296496,0.0,0.11257268469168599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576239977022708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822664745229465,0.0,0.12489052295739154,0.0,0.0,0.12321338553499744,0.0,0.06608641431348315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083108101812005,0.06828594165280405,0.0,0.14856091905966676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290402986447748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981570488094693,0.0,0.15081154629346855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892028525880849,0.0,0.0,0.10653885871673194,0.0,0.13839361623841545,0.0,0.0,0.09231806762165436,0.06385396614483847,0.0,0.23082297021724296,0.0,0.10975602439680818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724401371511503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608036318987166,0.09691322570987757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880818550034315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122340210603244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235548064409424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307364913839192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41660748858649577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107426363634862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859316272065267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203320327077472,0.0,0.0,0.08683201768462345,0.16749600274421847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022171260214015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709090798938685,0.10374446685168046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599121733879404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841672372372695
suicidewatch,LifeofLemons816,2019/01/29,Now what Not sure how I got here not sure what to say. Yesterday I attempted to commit suicide. It was nothing that I had been planning out but it is something that I have considered doing before I just never followed through on these thoughts. Yesterday I felt that I had reached a breaking point and just did not want to continue I wanted to just be at peace and make the pain stop. Looking back on my failed attempt it is clear that I did not put very much thought into it and clearly could have done a better job. I’m scared I’m not sure what to do going forward I don’t think that is going to be my last attempt. Honestly I’m unsure of anything at this point I don’t know if I am to go forward and pretend as if it is something that never happened or if I should try and find some help. I’m embarrassed because I have so much in my life to be grateful for and I do truly appreciate that but it doesn’t make this pain I feel not exist. I’m not sure where it comes from or how to fix it I just know I want it to stop. I have read a lot of the post on this page and it is such a strange feeling to know that I am not alone but sadness me so many of us feel like this. I don’t know if I’m going to attempt this again I don’t know what is to come of my life now. I just hope someone reads this and knows that they aren’t alone. ,1.7857920866556327,2.9834788685121154,3.2744486234391488,93.9664254550925,76.92387543252595,6.133353392507899,24.675944034902958,6.498293943080001,0.5601604031894087,1039,35,245,8,23,342,132,289,0.145,0.685,0.171,0.9055,3,2,2,0,0,2,12.0,1,0,1,7,16,14,0,2,6,0,33,4,0,4,9,71,68,22,1,10,22,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,30,12,0,2,14,3,0,10,16,6,0,0,11,6,30,8,29,52,5,35,0,2,1,0,4,13,0,9,15,175,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279749326647396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453918764808398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899410418302609,0.0,0.0626241069813211,0.0,0.08741685356230205,0.0,0.0,0.09085757355710863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769880066229049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202266233833516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512988820173122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558322453797738,0.07339133158473721,0.09863825295380194,0.0,0.09389463705394377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335384847575997,0.0,0.08216368403830719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908450363803078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885869090111732,0.0,0.0,0.10203545861028177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194506125423533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33875093960439684,0.08373980111995878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512444971784055,0.05018937212295845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626850114044464,0.0,0.0,0.08733856125898677,0.0,0.0,0.13714801238551866,0.10415351370532286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510387965849248,0.0,0.158465575360488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857354750110292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218626902121827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422875452962976,0.0,0.09838828214085217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327343005242974,0.0,0.0,0.20551839806579866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169613138980923,0.10285205149331243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704398053704544,0.15817529906920588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717760982359645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237147593181583,0.0,0.38729250908010376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582613201950006,0.0,0.16311451033337482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974787608653679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357322336089635,0.0,0.0,0.08476416262983963,0.18178092146695146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirspeckles,2019/01/29,"Ready? What does the state of being totally prepared and ready for...


What does that mean to you? 

I discover a new reason every day, and I despise it.",0.8725862068965498,3.4348423793103438,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,90.72413793103449,5.658620689655173,21.043103448275854,7.1686216300943375,0.9799586206896556,115,4,22,2,4,38,24,29,0.07400000000000001,0.6829999999999999,0.243,0.6616,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376306922480964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6448958003116421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104492867836269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013685148395422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558676644048287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37884537994304096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rainbowfairy101,2019/01/29,"My life Not really sure if this is the place to post it but does anyone feel like they are really not suited to this world, I feel different from everyone even my best friends, every conversation I have with anyone I try to escape as soon as it starts I feel awkward and just not right talking to people, I’m 20 I have never had a girl friend I can’t even talk to girls without feeling awkward and making a dick out of myself. When I think about the future I don’t see myself with a family or kids cos I’m just too inadequate, I feel like the biggest beta male and I hate myself for it, I am ready to go but I really don’t want to lay my burden on my family cos I know they love me that is the only thing I have and the only thing I will ever have, I know I’m a caring, compassionate person with a personality I just can’t express it. I feel weak for wanting to end it but I honestly can not see anything changing for me.",2.4774659863945563,3.6243137193877564,4.7978367346938775,83.93763945578233,75.07142857142857,7.675646258503402,22.250340136054426,8.238735603445708,1.099593605442177,723,18,155,12,15,254,106,196,0.14300000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.193,0.931,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,10,15,1,2,10,0,15,4,1,3,3,38,37,12,0,3,13,0,6,2,2,1,2,0,0,6,10,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,1,8,30,10,22,35,1,15,0,0,2,2,16,6,1,2,9,111,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134147027278494,0.0,0.1067102520494696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608435135448535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322107884801607,0.0,0.13717738233818774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548122116704386,0.0,0.0,0.11347816481465373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485224311094999,0.0,0.0,0.17129626431136974,0.11729711618224245,0.10925552721912532,0.12390859841733462,0.0,0.0,0.2444892942454069,0.0,0.3934009456332253,0.1852775667600351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037086847975152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736964455924113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802574739704875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253034264478612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915922369185572,0.12670385648227606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703540800009678,0.0,0.0865580766559103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001220710964062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972450994351693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989928628547927,0.22645181909119816,0.13548122116704386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419138009309486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24921651813936535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074047131835066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066660014648584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178357971213796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221575109299633,0.0,0.0,0.2084533151193753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229863970898085,0.08308955094864476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803980312765873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296959502593366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250006388288553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mattzapper,2019/01/29,"Middle of my First Year of College I am here because I don't know how to handle the anxiety anymore. I just got out of my first exam of the term, and feel pretty in the dumps. Started studying for my math exam tomorrow, and realize I don't know anything about what they are testing me. 

Problem is that I know I have been putting in tremendous effort so far and I have been maintaining A/Bs in all my classes. 

This contrast of confidence has gotten me really put down. I can't shake the feeling that I have forgotten to learn since high school. In either 2 years or until I get a stable job, my parents are paying for my college tuition and classes. It drives my emotions to the ground knowing that I am going to end up disappointing them. 

I really feel like there is only two ways out, one with death and the other with the disappointment of my entire family. I can't disappoint them, I do not know what to do. 

Thanks for reading.",4.461325250836119,5.596238635869565,5.577826086956524,80.28188963210705,70.25,8.270234113712375,29.914715719063548,8.617729084823388,2.3451643812709038,735,29,138,12,13,244,110,184,0.111,0.792,0.097,-0.385,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,3,6,8,1,1,8,0,18,0,0,1,1,26,32,9,1,1,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,10,1,2,5,5,6,0,4,4,3,27,2,26,28,3,27,0,3,0,0,4,12,0,1,10,105,35,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157614378556512,0.0,0.15760953927738608,0.0,0.0,0.13078060828626195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968783712293779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876769590310373,0.14075916726471965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981905677661705,0.0,0.24106969097239425,0.11353507473416345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270360721050242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303103859296468,0.0,0.09031996268402463,0.0,0.1271057467727345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791154313337522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770718282873514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367013607486631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764205924321806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769076628368636,0.12086858380606685,0.0,0.0,0.17646588642567793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168246821823573,0.0,0.15206845309226635,0.0,0.3195242911083638,0.0,0.0,0.1589666393823719,0.0,0.20362109676297926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083920050691006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146327098486293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248696498139027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463155286417079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524529633848316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614618210532805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468321748694715
suicidewatch,TherapyThrowaway777,2019/01/29,"I want therapy, where do I even start? I don't know if I'm suicidal or not but this is the best place I could figure out to post this. Life has been a fucking drag lately and I can't motivate myself to do anythihng. I have no antidepressants or anything, life is just a day-to-day cycle of doing the absolute bare minimum to get by. I have wanted therapy for like a year now but have nobody to ask about it because my mother fears medicine and therapy like nothing else and my father is a wonderful man but absolutely clueless about these things. 

I want a therapist but I don't even know where to start. I haven't had a proper doctor's appointment in probably like three years now. I don't even know if my family's insurance (which I probably won't be able to be on for much longer) will allow me to get therapy. I've looked online, and all the ""find a therapist"" websites and junk just confuse me. They don't answer the simplest questions like what signing up for therapy consists of and it just makes me feel like a clueless idiot. I don't know physically where to go and my anxiety makes it too hard to just go to the clinic and ask or something.

tl;dr how do I even get a therapist as a 19 year old with no money and no help from my parents?",5.301824146981629,5.253700074803152,6.576992125984255,78.06892650918637,67.93700787401575,10.395380577427822,31.500262467191604,10.203070172399654,3.035820262467192,985,37,199,23,15,335,132,254,0.145,0.721,0.134,-0.2511,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,17,10,2,2,15,0,25,5,0,5,1,47,48,20,1,6,14,3,2,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,11,0,1,2,12,4,0,1,2,3,24,6,25,41,3,20,0,0,1,1,9,8,1,8,14,139,33,2,0.09397466672828986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189036282716768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733314355684769,0.0,0.17570725548686178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728608459624409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986206149551422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503112459431206,0.0,0.0,0.121211771419081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618705344398956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850377548563069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24827752431138084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859095226027255,0.10574762658185928,0.047516415120623615,0.06713552068771654,0.0,0.0,0.085891142895023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868780651026985,0.1472936541125969,0.0,0.10681593749746343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418284288286683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298923820701507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065840767360594,0.0,0.10600751731787764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275417254252084,0.2295563765983716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891505192715542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545763953275954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908219290903153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017122723657148,0.0,0.0986106044908702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434774624975393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981835252428317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000175372849825,0.0,0.20264117015949165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527313384851117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234628963425725,0.0,0.0,0.13303150559047747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279303269513873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373411068860741,0.3273354935050494,0.06243259285474821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628607970801124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191151737593468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815498128776289
suicidewatch,J_Mur12,2019/01/29,"No hope for a 20 years old future Hi everyone, thank you for reading this. I am a 20 years old male and i am about to graduate from university. I have injured my back when i was 15 from an accident, ever since my back has been a problem and i had to give up playing sports which i loved. Up until recently, my back pain has increased considerately and starting to spread to my legs as well. Nothing helped and my only option is a spinal fusion surgery but it is extremely risky especially my age and the likelihood of further surgeries in the future. I just couldnt accept it because the risk is just too big and i dont wanna be a burden to my parents if anyone goes wrong in the surgery. I will most likely will become disabled due to the progressively increased pain and i am just so helpless. The thought of my being in extreme constant pain 24/7 and i have to rely on pain killers makes me wonder what is the point of living if i am just prolonging my suffering... I personally do not mind being dead because i know i wont feel anything once my brain shuts down but the thoughts of making my parents heart broken.... I cant even imagine that, my only hope is that when it comes it, i really wish they understand that my departure isnt something to grieve about and its a relieve for me. ",6.535613445378151,6.117258552941178,7.061806722689076,76.87455882352941,65.43137254901961,9.795518207282914,34.68487394957983,9.23628265651192,3.0073697478991592,1021,42,196,16,14,336,146,255,0.165,0.711,0.124,-0.9369,2,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,16,20,0,1,15,0,27,10,4,2,1,40,43,18,2,8,9,2,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,11,10,0,0,9,3,0,3,7,11,1,0,5,1,34,9,29,31,3,32,0,3,0,1,10,11,0,7,19,146,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969811153570243,0.0,0.09379658780805514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26293288244613705,0.0,0.1389634254312036,0.12588297440449828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724040579953907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818447258615333,0.0,0.12317288527607274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335847928463108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528332464824816,0.10310227036591503,0.0,0.10891365645202164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576321794019574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934088737613827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506794252741006,0.07639901005839345,0.0,0.0,0.2264175495254213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264093441085784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568532156896022,0.0,0.10064724321817783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287223310131054,0.0,0.15216630233032633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508823990055098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936776968128634,0.0,0.239207610023873,0.1213859630382222,0.0,0.1733752562059606,0.4851349532109631,0.0,0.2531246524717549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952374549651792,0.0,0.0,0.10774881410574154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906434983145896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401176783596885,0.0,0.0730190979089809,0.0,0.1125424106812132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428619733496953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877480831136565,0.0,0.0,0.08067628394145443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049383200595314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097624210609575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865816057476672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248253831709128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107243629630538,0.0,0.1236074488705764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246202462529894,0.0,0.14679995477484278
suicidewatch,Mlmar,2019/01/29,Fuck everyone I’m just gonna kill myself Everyone hates me and it’s obvious so I’ll just end it all ,-1.9676086956521743,-0.2391165652173885,2.043804347826089,90.65092391304348,105.95652173913044,7.517391304347825,18.793478260869566,8.07648339933343,1.6007478260869572,81,3,19,3,4,30,19,23,0.41,0.59,0.0,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236256386490138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6982884828496827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377956559362636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607453641533368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042480894215483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlimsyDragonfruit69,2019/01/29,"Sad and Angry :'( I was talking to my mom about figuring out my schedule for the new semester at my CC and working that around other things, and she said that my uncle (lol why does he care) said that I should take biology at a CC before taking it at Berkeley.

Sounds great in theory, but it's already full and I would be solidly a full-time student while working 16-17/h a week. It would be a bit much, and I can't even enroll at this point anyway.

She then yelled at me for not caring enough about the future and said other hurtful things, I guess, that were unrelated.

She said that I must've taken a break from Berkeley because I didn't try hard enough in my classes, and in response, I shoved the stacks of organic chemistry problem sets I did and redid and studied and agonized over for hours. She pretty much laughed at that and said ""well, it doesn't matter because you took a break from college, so you must've just not tried hard despite how much paper you have from that class."" It sucked and I felt sad.

Honestly, I was also angry so I kinda cussed her out. She said that I'd regret saying things about my parents like that. But why would I? Does she regret anything she's said about me in anger?

One of my insecurities/fears is not doing enough for the future, or being behind or something, and I guess what she said really struck a nerve with me. I think it's smart to know your limit, but what if I'm not pushing myself enough?

But even if I did take that 5-unit CC biology course, what would it even really do? It would probably give me some more knowledge of the subject, but I can't even enroll anyway, so I was just left feeling guilt-tripped and scared.

I guess my parents are better than others I've read about on this sub but the argument made me sad all over again because I've always wanted a close connection with a maternal figure and I've never gotten one for a variety of reasons. All of those sentimental posts about mothers and kids make me cry a bit sometimes.

Even though I'm 19, I feel like such a little vulnerable kid sometimes. Sometimes people just need support, and sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to go to when shit happens. I feel like I come off as so needy and so child-like even though I'm legally an adult.

I tried to talk to a friend about this, and he was supportive for a few minutes before going back to talking about how my mom's lack of dominance in decision-making in our household (always defers to my dad) contrasted with that of his crush, who is a very assertive and honest woman. I get that people are inherently selfish and can't always be pseudo-therapists, but I was still sad that it was about him in the end, I guess.

I was surprised that my dad actually sided with me NOT taking biology at a community college, because he can sometimes be the harsher of the two, and my mom will never side with me if he's angry.",6.512197263975679,5.9434461657940725,6.878395541293703,78.66968248606656,65.52705061082024,9.348173168946687,31.398356133536,8.558390810932622,2.3022397005010413,2275,74,444,28,31,741,259,573,0.163,0.733,0.104,-0.9912,3,0,1,0,0,0,64.0,1,4,0,4,38,30,3,1,26,1,37,1,1,5,4,91,81,48,0,15,20,8,7,4,1,7,0,11,0,4,37,32,0,1,11,1,0,5,13,13,1,3,24,18,66,17,63,45,16,52,0,7,0,0,47,28,2,11,19,316,103,13,0.0,0.0,0.056516026457768334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390989720253873,0.046314064368548485,0.1445680721794759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04049504225656937,0.0,0.04765855443271935,0.051556027343428665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044532540692753836,0.0,0.1412161386642979,0.0,0.09856164909411576,0.0,0.0,0.05122051365127358,0.1264548853229854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809502720419827,0.0,0.0,0.04988806246097977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361616600202204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136243127299696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129490161344187,0.23936391468025114,0.0,0.2295111907247756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516971618873442,0.11713289036591384,0.12412201495646474,0.05560683368659805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044744463436120964,0.0,0.030257844218971357,0.055556697258554284,0.06582809048441997,0.0,0.0,0.0638507472026693,0.2551966309653275,0.0,0.051213445879041336,0.0,0.10375971841581534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703394366761558,0.0,0.06199848217610216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03182819814773572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292408301037439,0.0,0.0,0.11317605431569268,0.05804536777513347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054799934139576865,0.038658261307308935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348567065372225,0.0,0.0,0.12772107661703222,0.042942737777521306,0.08933419469877263,0.05593401547674059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848849021405667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286140072896372,0.0,0.0,0.08030100101184101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474775620439405,0.0,0.055465913860810886,0.05891968857897295,0.06244143710036031,0.05541618703388853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792999692590575,0.0,0.07420279849507219,0.05954557118996901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407182786735462,0.046055795343002214,0.0579823420472858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944822183490989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458527642814571,0.2863937389164407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046250454346464416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314409782245689,0.0,0.0,0.17417745795106399,0.1396480208015814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724299447581457,0.11542711138167695,0.037109160653471404,0.11380105952318473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643449454496375,0.1179600741921294,0.0,0.056573879743518976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047785382980666084,0.03415936909096042,0.0,0.04645537776543441,0.0,0.052071932944760015,0.0,0.1045173397055416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432463596592134,0.0,0.0,0.2057033723628238,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KApsy27,2019/01/29,Anybody there? Hello? Anybody there. Anybody in this world who cares. Please... Anybody? ,4.506923076923076,3.575616615384618,1.7624615384615367,87.05753846153843,152.0769230769231,1.04,33.36923076923077,3.1291,1.5381815384615387,68,4,8,0,5,18,9,13,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.680549326190585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7327022687432738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greentea567,2019/01/29,"Does anyone not care if they make it til tomorrow? Like why work so hard for the future and struggle through every emotion & hardship? 

Isn’t it easier to just put yourself to rest? 
",4.050761904761902,6.19052188571429,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,73.0,6.9523809523809526,28.809523809523807,7.793537801064563,1.975666666666667,146,6,26,2,3,46,33,35,0.224,0.652,0.123,-0.5162,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33633765758806666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170514084990805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31649173038275025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716487902062395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491783487408076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615404632326917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780734600167897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165450280277482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072063541436531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120557206607106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245161809203182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801038661959226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259879233069111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snailsofter,2019/01/29,"I feel so worthless I feel like everyone is living life so effortless around me and it makes me feel so incompetent. I’m almost 20 and still living with my parents, I was raised a good catholic kid but now I’m living a life of sin, I’ve got $5 in my bank account and I’m going to have to start selling again just to pay for books. I don’t even like selling but I don’t know any other way to get money. My mom thinks I’ll never amount to anything and wants me to live at home forever and my dad wants to start making me pay all my bills. I don’t want to go back to crime but I feel like I’m going to have to start hitting licks again just to break even. I don’t want to live this way, but I feel like there’s no other way. The only other way is out. My cigarette addiction makes me feel so weak willed and my low self esteem makes me hate myself. I don’t know who I am and I don’t think my “friends” even know the real me. Who am I killing if I commit suicide when i don’t even know myself. I don’t have anything to lose from ending it, really I feel like I have everything to gain from doing it. A fresh start. Have you ever felt this way?",-0.15611480005902226,1.7716718007968169,2.045117308543606,96.95782499631107,85.97211155378487,4.9934189169248935,16.866017411834143,6.238725200709706,-0.4970736018887414,886,19,213,8,27,298,118,251,0.179,0.69,0.131,-0.9527,1,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,0,2,19,14,2,0,5,0,20,4,0,4,4,45,57,17,2,5,7,3,8,5,1,1,4,0,1,2,10,10,0,0,14,1,8,3,10,7,0,0,3,9,36,7,24,52,2,27,1,3,0,0,9,5,0,2,18,128,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671958767890976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884181871556635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603336978801429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460205557706654,0.07898099150953959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822139717871266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858096128755163,0.0,0.0,0.2343989938716421,0.08025372335962208,0.0,0.08477724519512707,0.0797372103087131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140219779976933,0.2535307784447442,0.08518660349871528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854605113785234,0.0,0.0463533491716978,0.0,0.15126750809384848,0.07441542861055375,0.07095873015353539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759416470689893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899495075870875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815725230550487,0.0,0.1950361792560164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533331223813424,0.21672434450407305,0.0,0.3917137801851236,0.0,0.0,0.09925672280528627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23688930008105444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390960963146616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842753055831248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747673838595046,0.0,0.0,0.09851478421800323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098455001070412,0.05683729817742025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255592838462208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511902851466308,0.0,0.07085314618439187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704697800408532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369837644682455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932108070877214,0.35211519239627426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChrisDoug14,2019/01/29,"How the fuck is suicide selfish, why the fuck would you blame the person when no one wanted to help in there darkest moments, some people listen to a suicide story and call it selfish, i don’t fucking get that, I feel terrible for the person, because I wish they could have been loved then way they needed to be loved in there moments of darkness, because I’ve been there, and you don’t care what other people’s reactions because they don’t care about you, how about reaching out to someone in need of love and affection, show them they matter, everybody does ",25.040373831775703,8.264604299065423,20.60397196261683,42.631565420560776,52.73831775700936,22.89532710280374,70.32242990654207,11.20814326018867,8.561134579439251,448,18,79,4,2,139,69,107,0.247,0.541,0.212,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,3,5,0,8,11,3,0,5,0,10,6,0,3,0,16,25,7,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,2,11,5,13,20,1,9,0,0,0,6,16,4,3,1,4,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27985291381438954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625845661182078,0.0,0.3120440084037879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218021760131158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391562754496322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737543546711215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244151059878942,0.0799506907214595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257128454739127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143405949394565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269362960518315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369557330134996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218036718213912,0.2672358820027401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965992787495764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347750728913605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902597400418636,0.12146631623671568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808375509759885,0.0,0.17597437649247552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870653299107008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smolyellowbanana,2019/01/29,"Inconvenient By this point I'm just living for other people. My parents, my brothers, my friends, my roommates, the people who will inevitably have to clean up my body.

My entire life, I've never wanted to inconvenience someone and putting a bullet through my own head would be the biggest of them all.

My mother would bawl like she did when her father died. My own father would close himself off again.

My roommates would have to deal with the fact that my room is forever going to be the room that she killed herself in. That bathroom is always going to be covered in blood for them. They will remind the next person who moves in there that someone killed themselves in the room that you sleep in.

I just want to leave this world, but at the same time I'm stuck because it would make the lives of others miserable.

Not because I'm gone or whatever, but because it inconvenienced them.",6.100849210669569,7.142876101796412,5.522525857376156,82.5092868807839,66.4251497005988,7.509853021230267,30.151878062057705,7.348242739294969,1.7938790419161683,707,25,128,6,11,215,101,167,0.1,0.853,0.048,-0.8763,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,0,5,5,2,1,9,0,15,5,4,1,3,21,25,5,3,7,6,5,0,1,1,7,1,0,4,1,13,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,3,0,22,2,21,12,4,25,0,1,0,0,20,15,0,1,6,95,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206420451956026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651509280995108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104953605854458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947677510510296,0.0,0.0,0.15047517028357413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201775396324018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480060944927802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488000282209611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208165826023465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352188478869205,0.0,0.0,0.1024096640188248,0.07083405651385682,0.0,0.2560550002481892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678094832785412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409982796563265,0.0,0.0,0.11182406798282132,0.0,0.15419691257519702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099256889475344,0.0,0.0,0.20103353763953694,0.12659836406333405,0.0,0.0,0.1370609951172751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145753486670286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509320704730358,0.0,0.2456965678489421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454395920170682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103594538946795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149783455922742,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elliot-saderson,2019/01/29,"Update 48 days ago I tried to kill myself. Of course, it didn’t work the way I planned it. 
I was hospitalized in a very strict section a hospital. 
They diagnosed ( yet again... ) Bordeline disorder. I refused the diagnosis. 
They put me on 175 mg of Effexor, made me go back home and that’s it. 
That didn’t worked as planned either, I went back with suicidal thoughts. 
They finally went deeper and diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder. I am now on lithium ( and on Effexor withdrawal which sucks really fucking badly ) and I can finally say that I feel free. 
Almost as if lithium took all my bad thoughts and threw them away. It’s the first time since 6 years that I don’t think about suicide or death in general.
It does get better. Everything gets better. 
I’m glad to be alive. My life is not over. I’m finally starting to live. 
Give yourself time. Let yourself heal. 
Everything always turns out fine. 
And I felt sharing it because it is important. 
It’s important to know that getting better is never impossible. 
I’m glad to be alive. 
Thank you all for your support on my first post. 
",1.9431404032860369,4.697857257281555,3.424271844660197,84.62414488424199,85.6504854368932,7.441075429424945,26.85511575802838,8.384062270229773,2.4477967139656465,849,39,159,22,26,278,128,206,0.151,0.687,0.163,-0.489,0,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,2,4,9,6,15,3,0,5,0,12,6,0,1,3,26,37,10,4,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,14,9,0,1,6,0,1,6,5,5,0,2,11,3,23,11,22,23,4,36,0,0,0,1,10,10,2,3,18,97,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848156719346868,0.0,0.1112484785791883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244233587163604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043801152047191,0.17085482382968192,0.1855241781678963,0.06772423636195789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947711392686654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164894158236525,0.0,0.0,0.2255240188403643,0.0,0.0,0.25465559067371885,0.0,0.09722250330146837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969522149007604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617442615222842,0.0,0.10667138709644798,0.3651068907474616,0.0,0.18899959963244656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270819968154156,0.17413217042227405,0.10657520966700412,0.06313948535048447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144023182183473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291334349493264,0.0,0.06105648928573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136051092224411,0.07847171806794498,0.0,0.0,0.09810146328411937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512350011526583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568553388033431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640105857224487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168405465433642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711721466332587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834949317123643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919013142367438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863565115067506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430460972040136,0.1260725574445719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228400126271896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711870354496514,0.0,0.17639861363895268,0.12956413429116748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343383229555048,0.07542816773799398,0.12084259067938652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166738595855656,0.0,0.08818432581646407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059776952609861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617611593493008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715433921137624
suicidewatch,W-I-L-F-R-E-D,2019/01/29,"I don’t know what to do anymore I feel so needy and annoying all the time. If I ever mention it to someone they say what did I do to make you feel that way but you didnt, you were just being you and im being me and overthinking things. I want to talk about it w someone so they can make me feel better but I  feel like a burden and attention whore. I wish I could find the balls to kill myself. Everything would be right in the world if I wasn’t here anymore. I despise myself and I don’t want to hurt anymore. Anytime I’m not faking happiness I’m draining the people around me and again being an attention whore. I know no one cares about me, no one thinks about me deeply, “who is Wilfred, how is Wilfred feeling, what is Wilfred thinking about”. I want to disappear. No one thinks about me as I am insignificant, but if they did, they’d think I was garbage, because I am. I want someone to coddle me but I don’t want to have to be coddled. I don’t want to rely on anyone. I’m so frustrated w myself and my life. Idk how at anytime in the day I can go from feeling okay to feeling absolutely destroyed and hopeless. I don’t even deserve human contact. I deserve to loose my mind all by myself. I wish I was never born. Just why are things like this. Getting better is 100% inconceivable to me. I don’t know how to keep from feeling this way. I’ve felt like this since I was a young child and it’s only gotten stronger as I’ve aged. I feel like I’m going crazy.",0.8414352605863193,2.930001631921826,2.7574256921824087,92.38073137214987,83.16938110749186,5.270724755700326,22.62306596091205,6.4784943948869325,0.4707362377850162,1139,40,248,11,32,380,138,307,0.214,0.624,0.162,-0.9824,0,2,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,4,4,2,18,20,5,0,8,1,34,3,0,5,4,61,71,24,1,13,10,0,10,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,13,10,0,1,20,1,0,3,13,11,0,3,10,11,49,9,30,53,2,20,0,2,0,2,15,7,0,3,12,171,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911460880729264,0.0684244868577274,0.0,0.0,0.0871142371712128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059653239542963574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309463913988404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997726040844634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813153369004902,0.0,0.0,0.06311022028169347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463418967828972,0.08851803145290461,0.0,0.0,0.08794832930611053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453188417487637,0.13981934096744034,0.09395888604539512,0.0,0.08944030575396754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051126689805300746,0.0,0.1112297471794779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041715052918667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475885670102117,0.0,0.1057032748622492,0.0,0.0,0.08698055697329524,0.10826521665511783,0.0,0.16134035213989073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911989631358162,0.1912336179838724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306417549094141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880853644852704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547400978597811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893304344916474,0.07442530764612622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784231454290811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357007266945275,0.0,0.07782049326441201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094902810239908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24874392651849803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865443629292107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300248199227354,0.2508134461840525,0.0,0.0,0.057061701646511365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463145863570747,0.15535001926782005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830149246141716,0.0,0.22506340544215286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695154118356149,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LetsG0getStoned,2019/01/29,"It’s getting worse I finally cut after 3 years of being clean, every single day gets more and more dreadful. This is my only way to cope with life. I hope one day I go deep enough to die. ",0.6437500000000007,2.5549278750000006,2.765000000000004,93.05,82.75,5.0,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.36250000000000027,145,3,32,1,4,49,35,40,0.266,0.615,0.119,-0.7879999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,5,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764525451756214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029057559971443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015705487542277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459055752689475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197195828427713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049707704663632,0.0,0.16587139625743572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898839393433971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061501352188327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777264335238398,0.2219735279310218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316657662000613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974314081764293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879489875001322
suicidewatch,Minnow93,2019/01/29,"What’s the point? Struggling to find a reason. I don’t think I’m doing anyone much good especially the people who still want me around. 

I have no hope for myself or that I’ll be able to do the very simple things that I want to do like support my family and maybe do something with my life that I’ll enjoy

I’m tired of being tired always and working for scraps.

I’m tired of feeling alone, hopeless, unlovable. ",3.849285714285713,4.905240595238098,4.620000000000001,86.875,71.61904761904762,6.552380952380951,23.523809523809533,6.42735559955562,0.5924666666666663,326,8,66,2,6,105,58,84,0.229,0.583,0.187,-0.7269,0,1,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,4,0,8,4,0,1,0,12,17,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,9,15,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,40,13,1,0.17848804201676238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485978235234315,0.0,0.0,0.14851634933687574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480298903180698,0.0,0.0,0.15889219905732155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826264098446006,0.0,0.09024891700927587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313483681979948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497073013358646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727889912028336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607138259494832,0.08720024155014422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931522862925778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120924797965167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237411345940516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872889213949618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351543433465126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740881488126516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254078091698955,0.0,0.0,0.18659445542466466,0.0,0.0,0.20254611490162916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857952408485765,0.11436793029308248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6154372429397714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727132744377575,0.2105537432943894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299414203705236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redwardthegreat,2019/01/29,"Mornings are a bitch Honestly been going downhill for almost a year. I find myself waking up every morning in the dark. Every morning I have the urge to die. Sometimes it lasts, usually better throughout the day. But the slightest inconvenience can tip me off and make me depressed for the entire day. I don't want to leave my room in the morning. I'm fed up with the outside world. There is no one I can trust and the one person I thought I could is being more distant every day. I've been close to it before halfway through last year, but was saved the night before. I don't think anyone truly knows the extent of it and I'm scared to tell anyone in the fear that they will be nice to me, not because of who I am, but because I'm suicidal.",3.725781818181815,4.921682026666666,4.6748484848484875,85.83409090909093,72.06666666666666,6.521212121212122,26.96969696969697,6.574015621080383,1.143333333333333,584,20,115,4,11,190,93,150,0.179,0.73,0.09,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,1,9,1,2,13,0,16,2,1,1,0,18,26,6,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,5,0,14,5,17,17,2,19,0,1,0,0,4,9,1,1,9,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964221697912367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294888153337802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436935001938474,0.0,0.2713197493213331,0.0,0.0,0.14099943590334207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728877371709987,0.0,0.0,0.30844994981952856,0.0,0.1373134722396976,0.0,0.16545912879719146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029701130944092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939869332731645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457125734337784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906055305115687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876164189840948,0.25990711083981943,0.0,0.1688092278651013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641816430122862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961060147893585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606251199341106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920472716923374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596133450883238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576764962116427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438628501401754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934544439644328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215381193967904,0.0,0.12656652078761288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558533316904673,0.0,0.09403364842124574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533037167097795
suicidewatch,hurtmyself2day,2019/01/29,"Wow. Just fuck the direction my life has gone. As if the -60 Fahrenheit windchill wasn’t enough, I have been BOMBARDED with suicidal ideology and feelings of not being worth any value for the past week. So often I’m invalidated for how I feel, not by my friends, but by everyone. The worst part is, it’s not even their fault, I have nobody to blame but myself for putting myself in a situation where my life seems unfixable with the only way out that seems plausible being to just end my misery. Life truly isn’t for everyone. Maybe it gets better for some people, but no way in hell it gets better for me. I’ve tried and I give up, truly. Don’t know what else to type. Feel so alone. Have nobody. Wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t make it tonight.",3.3970581655480987,5.059497201342285,4.457869127516781,85.21731823266222,73.63087248322148,7.651230425055928,23.826062639821032,8.344100000000001,1.3459659955257268,589,17,120,10,12,192,96,149,0.196,0.664,0.14,-0.8956,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,2,0,6,0,14,4,0,2,0,26,27,11,1,3,10,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,9,4,0,0,4,3,13,5,19,19,4,13,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,6,4,81,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057430862845396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199822008255823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131861574620155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758150545649825,0.0,0.1458708500524177,0.17017391888871855,0.0,0.10877946746658212,0.0,0.0,0.3147461832761893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498241601407277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272429171568175,0.15225783618731514,0.17209263759727578,0.15799041230808114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051204258924526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34898676148464114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993516433547283,0.0,0.1654582233126875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525793812963262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834859171872394,0.1572199744542796,0.1141787478795724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556392333835407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998642112153353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512403491266707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014955460613305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118170666311931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614543858442304,0.1321083622543555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itbehowitdo62,2019/01/29,"I don’t know This is a throwaway account because I don’t want to seem suicidal on my main that my friends see and stuff. And I just want to be anonymous. 

I’m really considering suicide and I just want to lay it out. I’m 19 right now. I have no direction in life I’m just working a job I don’t like living in a place I hate. I’m lonely as fuck and I know a lot of people say that but I really feel this deep down and I have for a long time. 

I have some friends but I don’t feel connected to anything or anyone. Almost like I don’t care or feel like no one really gives a shit. I often wake up and think what is the point. What’s the point at all. I’m just upset all the time and I stress out about things I don’t have control over. 

A lot of people talk about women and stuff and I guess that’s got something to do with it. I’ve had relationships and stuff but it’s always been negative. I don’t even want a relationship because I don’t think there is anyone who could fucking tolerate me (or the other way around). 

I have hopes and dreams but I realize I don’t have the personality or the ability to achieve any of them. And that’s fine I guess. I just think it fucking sucks things are the way they are. I knew growing up I wouldn’t amount to much but actually living it out now is just fucking miserable.

So to cut to the chase there is a dam in my town and I think I’m just gonna jump off. I think about it a lot and I stood there for like 30 minutes the other day thinking about it (it was cold as fuck). I also saw that users post about freezing to death but that doesn’t really seem fun. 

Honestly I was thinking the dam or OD on heroin. I’m at the point where everything just means nothing and I don’t see a point to anything. I used to be depressed I think but now I just don’t care. 





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suicidewatch,thesnackattacks,2019/01/29,"I feel exhausted with life. I'm a 20 year old female, dont have much going for me other than I'm going to be getting married. The only person in my life that I'm close to is my fiance. I grew up getting raped often by one of my birth mother's boyfriend (I was 3-6) my mother was a drug addict I also was raped as a teenager (15) as well as had an abusive relationship from age 15-17 with a guy who was 4 years older. I was raised by my Grandparents by this point (my grandma was my step grandma who wasn't fond of me so I didn't feel welcome but she wasn't abusive) I feel useless worthless tainted and overall fed up with life I want to make friends, I want to be around people, but my anxiety is so bad that I stumble across my words. I distance myself from everyone who I start to get close to. I feel like giving up tonight. I feel so done, I dont want pity, but I want help but I don't know what can help.",1.1401960784313732,2.5650108686868727,3.2553832442067723,92.46778074866312,79.20202020202021,5.6689245395127745,23.263220439691025,6.2272716619740125,0.3921862150920972,704,23,162,5,17,240,109,198,0.124,0.7240000000000001,0.152,0.5670000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,2,0,6,0,20,9,0,1,0,24,42,12,0,4,4,2,5,1,1,0,6,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,6,0,0,4,6,7,1,1,12,5,30,5,27,28,1,21,0,3,0,2,14,9,0,1,9,104,38,0,0.0,0.32475871162275244,0.0,0.14940244421602733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959715918684056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484127132102634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200169026055062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442927521167034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024758764426892,0.32123824524201056,0.0,0.15893205862463758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095514517805698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464776900514696,0.09790704988679456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588287054479488,0.0,0.21480561993837108,0.1314688373036804,0.15577496404496255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356989714423931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372064219630824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531794383816935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904029624107501,0.06695468325923254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148054000764436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074597825635433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143808721141282,0.0,0.09286720646964394,0.10423110648542076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501176058232014,0.1196649434490507,0.0,0.0,0.12955456692611067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713815997796842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970032117196742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233376178944377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322252434379058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650871356192455
suicidewatch,The_Peaceful_Ogre,2019/01/29,"I Cut Too Deep And I Regret It What The Fuck Do I Do Now I didn't mean to go so far as I did but I have two gaping gashes on my forearm and I'm positive I'm probably going to fucking die.
What do I do ?
I'm living with my mother while I go to school; I could ask her to drive me to the emergency room. 
Except, it's 12:47am and I don't want to wake her up.

Should I drive myself ?  I don't have a license but I know how to, I'm just concerned that like, maybe that would be dangerous since I'm losing blood ?

Should I call 911 I don't fucking know what do I do here",-1.7520384615384614,0.0516521615384633,1.3756730769230785,99.67120192307695,92.76923076923076,4.480769230769232,15.817307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.7406538461538466,431,10,112,4,16,152,72,130,0.194,0.741,0.065,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,5,0,3,0,18,6,3,1,0,18,34,9,1,6,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,7,0,1,2,0,22,1,12,27,0,12,0,2,0,3,5,5,3,0,3,75,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855637653502316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595181150794906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103600208938673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932621025881706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593877080629799,0.0,0.0,0.3438815217090317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169115812122606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853735057658937,0.0,0.17809922633337194,0.0,0.0,0.22564365149029286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202628424337584,0.2197035604739734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174599146530283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412478547433824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166843107295768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702543105859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189641659781511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327741280509906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,munchies1867,2019/01/29,Suicide Prevention Has anyone here actually called the Suicide Prevention and felt much worse than before? I’ve only called once maybe that’s why but the woman behind the phone felt like she was rushing me like there was probably more people going through worse things than I was. I was not in any means in danger but still I could have been and if I had not told her that I wasn’t when I was you know anything can happen. It was just funny to me. Like even I couldn’t uphold the attention of someone who was supposed to help me. Do they actually have limits of how long they’re supposed to talk to a given person?,3.6644262295082015,5.486195114754096,4.353245901639344,85.58150819672132,73.2622950819672,6.847213114754098,23.67540983606557,7.554174236665415,1.058528524590164,492,14,95,6,10,157,80,122,0.123,0.745,0.132,0.2982,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,1,1,7,4,1,0,5,0,17,0,0,1,0,19,25,7,2,3,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,14,2,14,3,12,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,6,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.3091879724258121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773027885041188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077017258071288,0.0,0.13036524980050376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348028088330211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235268016769159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648459445282806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046341839605646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30421395908691595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003310698404153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008930284679744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618484385759634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706287993034166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321864054825067,0.0,0.0,0.1401957341056926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591530697758424,0.17256461527756956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645611339635023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871094955112603,0.0,0.12048470585502125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098277127867749,0.13832526583254973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080235945852296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422781294728112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265135316425835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465691104410436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733110444103554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524647245484567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137604002301128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294840938191233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32288476973090097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pleasegivemeboyjuice,2019/01/29,"My mom told be when she was pregnant with me she thought about aborting me, and I’m honestly mad she didn’t go through with it. I wish I was never born and she honestly had the chance to end my misery before it even started. Idk I’m not going to blame her though I’m just kind of mad. ",0.6774731182795719,2.484407177419357,2.3335483870967764,96.73698924731184,82.06451612903227,5.423655913978496,21.623655913978496,6.42735559955562,0.14595913978494626,223,7,53,2,6,73,44,62,0.161,0.66,0.179,0.0608,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,14,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,0,11,3,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611177034068741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717894237543381,0.0,0.0,0.20268003352569824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487944847704023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31955046090131856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593940881039881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366715651558501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719912092595434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30149121469739104,0.2436148442487252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932206254737423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35287715980870016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noone123484929,2019/01/29,"written all my letters living is a daily struggle. i keep crying everyday and moaning and weeping and it hurts so much that i can’t breathe. i am so lonely. there is nothing to look forward to. i was the happiest i had ever been last year and thought i’d recovered from the severe trauma. now all the progress has been wiped away and i’m back to feeling the exact same dread and anxiety and depression as i did during the dark time. i’ve been trying so hard to fight and be happy and overcome but i’m too weak to keep doin g anything anymore. i’ve been preparing things. letters, cancelling subscriptions, researching methods and precautions. 

i cannot to exist in this world.  i feel so alone andduring my breakdowns there is no one i can call. that’s the worst part. knowing that there is no one who will understand you and not judge you. knowing that you are completely alone in your pain. nothing is interesting anymore. eating is a chore and talking is painful. i’m at 47kg right now. i just can’t feel anything inside anymore.  i am completely alone in my house. no one in my family talks to me. they have always refused to help me. they don’t understand mental health so they’ve never understood me. i’ve  stayed quiet since then

i bounce from feeling happy and good and then to wanting to kill myself and feeling utter despair 

i’m exhausted of suffering like this. i have been depressed for many years now. growing up with it, it’s the only thing i’ve ever known and if that’s all i have experienced, i don’t want to keep living as an adult ",2.192317996505537,4.806089607260727,3.385258202290821,86.66480634828194,81.97029702970299,6.204969908755583,26.073480877499513,7.5105763829236425,1.6359711512327708,1233,52,230,20,34,398,165,303,0.259,0.6509999999999999,0.09,-0.9951,0,5,1,0,1,1,28.0,0,4,2,1,16,22,2,2,10,0,30,7,1,0,7,47,52,27,1,3,4,0,6,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,13,17,1,4,12,0,0,2,10,17,0,3,11,9,29,5,25,39,7,26,0,7,1,0,16,10,0,1,16,158,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033595286596115,0.0,0.0,0.08123968188171236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469008531098291,0.0,0.2904814111035417,0.0,0.0,0.16068966305020954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173077761452064,0.07507486372452328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969568736440744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047357218389093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724685632085623,0.0,0.0,0.1681848136076723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999044145408921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663189538103535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204106811936176,0.0,0.2468345519109184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189114255904682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078673703242888,0.08746128784686387,0.0,0.0,0.10378085239269416,0.0,0.0,0.06544231229805207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126570440809835,0.10451969566729707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603459496441468,0.1080180507166283,0.0,0.1073146782719807,0.07958510603314692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769925947663491,0.0,0.17242601226345008,0.0,0.08198834626735885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989860057117726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839255949045947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177255307849763,0.0,0.07530170509720863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736577171232205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984788858360384,0.07425539710994426,0.20777987234695028,0.0,0.0,0.10572859253333143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337928493467378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029913544558732,0.0,0.08076422412639557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406533065199113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206872352623372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569497415895105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297279775237079,0.0,0.0,0.07751084566005992,0.056931431653294624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628738114605827,0.0,0.0,0.20328180679595534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151746538385506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574676659255654
suicidewatch,RoRo0703,2019/01/29,"To help or let them go? My boyfriend has been depressed for months and has tried to kill himself at least one for sure time and one time he denies was an attempt but I don’t believe him. He’s been admitted to the hospital as a 5150 before and he was just admitted again today. He’s had multiple surgeries and it’s his pain that causes his depression. I know he’s addicted to opioids, that’s where this is all coming from. He says I’m selfish for keeping him from killing himself...am I? ",1.4342424242424237,3.837200101010103,2.8189898989899014,90.8818181818182,83.34343434343434,6.024242424242424,26.171717171717173,7.348242739294969,1.4203050505050507,386,17,79,6,11,125,68,99,0.244,0.696,0.061,-0.9759,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,2,0,3,0,10,2,0,1,2,15,17,7,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,2,5,1,10,1,11,11,2,9,0,2,0,0,16,2,0,1,5,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244089812623896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751648250023622,0.2319246253951131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146662973252872,0.0,0.1773232045324238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35459991976989746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699039186055472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797820500356536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297064773752514,0.4554893072232746,0.0,0.11313083354287097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049753845028013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643090412217319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789811814109682,0.0,0.2190409600117041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163701711685001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940130015357751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006782376601854,0.0,0.1951235536376561,0.0,0.0,0.1397599434333029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trey_ash_42,2019/01/29,"Sorry I’m sorry if I come off as rude in a comment or post or something, I promise I’m not trying to I’ve just used comedy as a fallback to when I can’t function properly anymore so people don’t really suspect that I would be the person to kill the self. I’m just saying sorry just in case I say something that someone else thinks is rude.",3.2905479452054816,3.9200640821917823,5.460164383561644,81.92010958904113,72.56164383561644,7.4838356164383555,28.298630136986297,7.554174236665415,1.7191336986301375,270,10,54,3,5,95,48,73,0.234,0.7,0.066,-0.8832,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,11,7,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,8,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,1,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329175780400612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678919839194648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281674511404065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563168691166693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512144695077982,0.17018209334316628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866635395046928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248600811211909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309989944274682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332670793528526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514098169090935,0.3000922522887701,0.0,0.6545350527340111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488620115424495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323265854424533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833392203243885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845375258632814,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IceTOnSVU,2019/01/30,"gave up on therapy i went into my therapist's office and said i wanted to quit. she made me take a survey on my emotions and i admitted to her i had almost made a suicide plan about a week ago. she seemed confused as i said i wanted to quit therapy. but at this point, i'm just embracing the chaos that comes with suicidal thoughts and urges. i don't even think i mind them all that much. how about y'all? sometimes i feel like i get bogged down in all of the forced positivity around mental health and want to hear stories about people giving up. ",2.4932432432432456,4.470391342342341,3.728189189189192,88.10363513513515,77.01801801801804,6.962522522522522,22.811711711711716,7.908726449838941,1.0688479279279286,433,13,90,7,10,141,78,111,0.16699999999999998,0.718,0.115,-0.8446,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,1,3,7,2,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,3,2,26,22,7,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,4,18,1,19,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,3,3,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325699013286512,0.0,0.14975594162948766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331340682275931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288268521385419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682272372526854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877848785557836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561859893602925,0.106840846481335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813538211225016,0.14346507100033296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896807382855005,0.1685573421910959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306414648973013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830217356355697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507144651508033,0.0,0.15100611404256045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993882063594744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368136858412458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137612778561887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181365054571764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845187090891613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614762985926604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791195342833874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32717388687927706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244540534561452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34205426945875866,0.17364280910817365,0.0,0.09582766130132583,0.0,0.1187285472350694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646310825040975,0.0,0.1199625679411521,0.0,0.0,0.13863732835916365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacemonkeyballz,2019/01/30,"Isolated and desperate Ive had my fair share of ups and downs. Last September i had to seize medication due to side effects of the meds. Im coming up to the 10 year anniversary migrating (when my life started going down the shitter. I never adjusted to being here). Im struggling, the last 10 years were very tough, I can’t imagine having to do another 10. I don’t have friends, only work colleagues to speak to. Problem is they are mostly doctors. If i speak to them and say im suicidal id end up in the psych ward at work. I feel very isolated, almost ready to give up. ",1.5936781609195378,3.84683296551724,3.743793103448276,85.43885057471266,81.41379310344827,7.314942528735633,26.04597701149425,8.344100000000001,1.996697701149425,448,19,90,10,12,153,76,116,0.157,0.76,0.083,-0.8366,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,2,5,0,1,5,0,12,3,0,1,1,13,17,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,4,11,2,19,13,1,20,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,3,9,54,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000951258728889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802847080336934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624989233759847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377637743252486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037412696276212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584554981768172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117111864896794,0.0,0.0,0.162867840358628,0.09648952746627712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5501725555469869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27678569032667866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992018867136416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858660395591398,0.1710348516794564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094431525558353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291248600020549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245592608062268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501536796913835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201707106007228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749025860570564,0.0,0.18571107241023926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801715188558185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472028040990585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186646932603971
suicidewatch,whalesanus,2019/01/30,"I feel like I’m faking it I’ve been on an uptrend for the last year due to anti-depressants but this last month or so has been absolute hell. I am well aquatinted with the pit of despair but it is hitting me extremely hard this time. I don’t want to continue. I’ve isolated myself, I’m angry and sad and I just cannot relate to others in a meaningful way. I’d call the hotline but that never fails to make me worse. I am just stuck, I have nowhere to go. ",0.13434137291280024,2.2376335102040805,2.694749536178108,91.61064007421152,86.3469387755102,6.420779220779222,21.153988868274574,7.686295010490155,0.9155183673469393,356,12,80,7,11,123,70,98,0.28,0.614,0.105,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,1,1,14,17,7,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,3,2,9,2,10,13,0,12,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,9,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968855224966772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504202417573494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701058160409186,0.20770994439584767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523840294164782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26045249124706515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739957446953648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204445494882126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407609462505926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320717379313821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424225815265156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953710114953788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714903030772402,0.2307816904352807,0.0,0.0,0.2614167591543053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962963595934364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723174236033702
suicidewatch,roseykerria,2019/01/30,"Right Sub? Hi there, I have absolutely no idea if this is the right sub for this or not but I’m giving it a shot anyways. Last night I took seven 36mg Concerta and legitimately thought I was going to die. I cant say for sure that was my intention going in but as my awful trip hit its first lull the only thing I could think was, “you didn’t take enough”. Throughout the entire thing I was talking to two of my friends and the situation didn’t really hit me until one of my friends told me he was really scared. I’ve felt awful and nauseous and anxious all day but I think everything is finally wearing off. This whole thing was pretty scary and I always thought something like that would change my mind for sure about everything but I hate to say I don’t think it did.",3.381666666666668,4.745577522292997,4.469187898089174,86.32356953290872,73.14012738853503,7.781104033970277,25.18524416135881,8.344100000000001,1.4278199575371548,609,19,129,10,12,199,97,157,0.217,0.695,0.08900000000000001,-0.9713,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,1,1,5,2,16,1,1,1,3,26,32,13,1,3,7,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,0,7,0,0,4,6,2,0,4,14,3,18,5,13,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,7,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340007113011448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396330359013086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417150192861253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881251509709683,0.0,0.0,0.08789257643943439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144235524030535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081887795922712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449684130955292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308550110750365,0.1492936001326955,0.0,0.11592398569224566,0.0,0.0,0.21058696819456968,0.0,0.0,0.13073702912188476,0.15490785823080142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455326215703264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538492218721162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110904975994022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658198668699876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760904024589413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789427815758322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235027041917894,0.10365091441794662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386508813825413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461537323984624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327733596036773,0.0,0.216758668319238,0.13644510049819233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319009546188905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491888233864123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256894075307131,0.0,0.1024693894533926,0.10954075303998737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716251751239185,0.2619778527040453,0.0,0.216390197686994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302261964122885,0.15141769439507266,0.0,0.0,0.1331306814216284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215738052061029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681298244894344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisTooShallNotPass,2019/01/30,"I called the police on a suicidal person I don't know very well? I will call this person ""X"".

​

X is a foreigner who has been here for a few months with a work permit. I've hung out with them a couple of times but have known them for no more than a few months. They don't have any friends or family here. Last night, X told me they were going to commit suicide, described a detailed plan and added that they had purchased all the necessary tools to carry it out. They also described a similar method they used to attempt suicide in the past. I called the police, who handcuffed X and took them to the hospital. X was there only a few hours and kept texting me, telling me that I put them in a ""shit situation"" and that they had no money to pay off the fees as they were a foreigner with no medical insurance. They even suggested that I ""take responsibility"" and pay for the hospital fees. :/

​

They have been released and we are texting normally but I don't know what to do. I hardly know them and therefore hardly care about them on personal/loving level -- I called the police out of a sense of duty/responsibility. They have no friends and family here, I don't know anyone who knows them/can take care of them and I feel personally responsible for their mental health now. I asked if they are willing to see a psychiatrist but they said they can't afford any healthcare as they aren't a resident. I gave them a suicide hotline number, which was also met with rejection. What should I do? I just feel very exhausted and overwhelmed.",5.00162286988374,6.230515217391307,5.630415671285237,80.05490523968787,69.06688963210702,8.772161172161173,28.61936614110527,9.107695989026183,2.300191463608855,1226,43,234,23,21,397,145,299,0.195,0.7509999999999999,0.053,-0.9933,1,0,1,0,0,4,44.0,1,0,23,3,11,9,1,1,23,0,27,4,1,3,2,40,48,19,4,3,6,0,4,0,2,3,3,1,0,3,12,18,0,1,8,0,6,3,10,4,1,0,14,6,42,5,31,31,5,20,0,2,1,0,43,9,1,2,8,169,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934281072089364,0.0,0.20234206092971624,0.22692002425290206,0.12699547124621852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528949157574189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729237920608805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38138245884234734,0.0,0.19040267287373155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331690269585392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167285391967876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760499867237503,0.0,0.09442571772532224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442815271096447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306677459303655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672900899445718,0.0,0.0,0.09925252965458516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195489070057802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565804057780086,0.07611252860719699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406479811810962,0.09409934687821894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149060973562761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762546856229264,0.09148700270857156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101537358529703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913634846349253,0.0,0.24459254873073136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386697596724344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882035534258521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440723923399847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584739173975122,0.0,0.10495664143325444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40854537804507696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041172745949287,0.0,0.08161326628299367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444731352817833,0.0,0.0,0.0892231587221741,0.10374229880434704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806454275318106,0.0,0.15408717639027378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395472230376486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797761284755027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22692002425290206,0.0
suicidewatch,onlyh3reformems,2019/01/30,"Just desperate So I don’t really have a way to kill myself way to afraid to actually going through with like getting a rope together and letting myself choke out. If I had a gun I’d be gone but I was institutionalized so I don’t know how I could obtain one. Do the private gun shows do background checks? Getting the money up would be hard anyway but that’s not why I’m here I’m asking people for legit ways that have helped u get through the day and head to work. I can’t really like go crazy and get institutionalized right now because honestly it happening when I’m 25 and being out of work for a little will ruin me and I can’t have people finding out it’s just not right. 

What had legit worked for u to get ur mind off suicide? I want success stories I am willing to try Emanuel and everything I read because honestly I can’t find a way to kill myself at the moment",3.119644830307813,4.48800553038674,4.968164956590371,82.47051104972377,73.80662983425414,7.60236779794791,26.18823993685872,8.192908349453996,1.61698863456985,695,24,142,11,14,238,103,181,0.182,0.715,0.103,-0.9441,0,0,0,2,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,5,9,9,2,1,9,0,22,1,1,1,0,25,37,13,3,4,7,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,3,2,2,3,7,4,0,1,4,1,15,5,20,25,0,20,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,1,6,92,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.13151653106409508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599219027683198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430964676252344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760324837329342,0.0,0.0,0.08691579938522595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211230021400041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463555233103843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520600224903029,0.0,0.1531863198760726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191770753891082,0.0,0.12072786327637887,0.0,0.13831337636915905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033380054319216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29820709891972325,0.0,0.07406632194035796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781192944718462,0.0,0.13168408145470015,0.13507540944743565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360797489404281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913239536498946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868657397905242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348069338516206,0.0,0.17267481924993952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301864781433465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741701244576022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150029784563128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794911108893727,0.4278980820825781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160938069834025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29434350662730185,0.0,0.0,0.0957370701974602,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swthrowawau,2019/01/30,"its bad this time I've gone through waves of depression most of my life. My parents got me a therapist when I was in middle school after they heard me crying in my room saying I wanted to die. I stopped going after a couple sessions because i told my parents i didnt need it and i guess they believed me. High school wasnt much better. I had friends but not many and wasnt very close with anyone. College was the same. My couisn killed himself in my senior year. He was several years older than me and was pretty much a super hero to me as a kid. athletic, lots of friends, really just seemed successful. he inspired me to start working out which for a while was keeping me busy and happy.  We knew he was depressed for a long time. I didnt know how to help so never reached out to him about it despite my parents asking me to. I always kind of just thought if he could make it through so could I and then he actually did it. it hit me really hard. i spiraled pretty bad after that and it affected my job. i couldnt pull myself together and ended up losing an internship. i never talked to anyone about it and still havent but i honestly dont think ill ever forgive myself for not reaching out to him. this was about a year ago. I graduated in august and havent been able to hold down a job for longer than a couple months. i just quit my most recent job today which makes 5 jobs since graduating. im a complete mess. ive been seeing another therapist but havent gone in a couple weeks and dont plan on going back. i always walk out feeling even worse than when i got there. i dont know where else to go nothing seems to help",2.3789200908527803,4.163801269461082,3.8460355151765455,88.00188622754494,76.72455089820359,6.523064216394798,23.49328928350196,7.372421405659032,0.9462516208961392,1280,40,264,16,29,423,175,334,0.13699999999999998,0.713,0.151,0.9018,7,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,0,2,8,17,18,1,0,13,0,25,2,0,4,3,56,52,22,2,6,9,3,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,13,17,0,3,10,0,0,7,15,7,0,0,23,5,46,11,44,25,6,53,0,3,1,0,25,17,0,7,29,180,59,13,0.08246193748131947,0.0,0.08047095570427898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730975321085915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372298757450777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646853143794421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115318608044971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709078000172387,0.0,0.0,0.06340813985150613,0.13770454671894414,0.05026803170458048,0.0,0.0,0.09290636519104616,0.0,0.07293088250395742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645977254514857,0.0,0.0,0.13167829417982227,0.273727696115886,0.09058056620895208,0.0,0.0,0.1420486918399996,0.0,0.0855824720446921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899343297509274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888636748093763,0.0,0.07303680060867503,0.0,0.0,0.05446533198935676,0.07459154348687032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169523329454634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741977668477433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059505822018656,0.0,0.13190468889032386,0.0,0.09084112097670906,0.0,0.0,0.08778226582236139,0.07386969880806123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054499694137604,0.08712556442354774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907304301934231,0.0,0.32732299545807864,0.07329595893055592,0.09123191607059476,0.08587141830196872,0.09063784854752124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824530513227216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297621974512633,0.0,0.09225381509488648,0.0,0.07010619037982765,0.0,0.0,0.11008796719243867,0.08360346169318228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582033176481544,0.0,0.12123802448180658,0.06114448177098256,0.12719945960557238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912445302407856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469266858192937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778687204031947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770842095190255,0.0,0.0,0.10565445741824143,0.0,0.08142121498054011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557704246496338,0.0,0.16691176632765214,0.06571148778957507,0.15014050165843304,0.0,0.0931585174965754,0.0,0.06821336682269674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058366983778540875,0.0,0.06585420979300885,0.0689418721355189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627978174480942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148933033817606,0.0,0.05283827987093037,0.0,0.06546556727236727,0.09616843777338446,0.0,0.07816427471102319,0.0787959150920966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803973453481582,0.04863818724161125,0.0,0.06614599222012314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003327260333593,0.0,0.0840357592138746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930835235144786
suicidewatch,thing-with-feathers,2019/01/30,"Why do people freak out so much when they find out you want to die? It’s an honest question. Like, it’s hard to believe there are actually people on this planet who think life is worth living. I honestly can't wait until I don't exist anymore...",3.0005999999999986,4.52843846,4.625,84.1675,74.4,6.6000000000000005,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8007999999999997,193,5,38,2,4,65,42,50,0.146,0.6409999999999999,0.214,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,6,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2735309536910917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27798084561558284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158004829477675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909056440643348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25618779895174026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109244679653125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979831570462121,0.13693971432642646,0.0,0.2475087571681053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605168765486093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886474468535296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31399852814119195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960399448473158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532734855162634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529258459834889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontJudgePr,2019/01/30,"I want to die I've always felt about killing myself. I thought about killing my self for many years now and I think now is the time.  
I want to die, I want a quick painless way to die. A way were people aren't hurt by my actions. People wouldn't be hurt if I died anyway, No one likes me. Im just a hopeless piece of shit like the rest of the world. I plan to kill myself by slitting my wrists. Seems the fastest way. My parents would think what they did wrong. The reason I want to kill myself is depression. Money. People. I have no one. I hate my life. I was want to fucking end it already. I've been thinking about this since I was 10. Wanting to end my life. Hoping painless death. Im a failure, I have no future in life.",-0.9570502983802244,1.1571670261437959,0.7324524012503559,101.6595140664962,97.69281045751634,2.9223074737141235,17.10969025291276,4.3202899421422565,-1.037004887752202,557,16,129,1,23,178,84,153,0.341,0.529,0.13,-0.9935,1,0,0,0,0,8,22.0,0,0,1,1,8,15,7,0,9,0,13,6,2,1,0,19,28,2,9,10,2,1,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,0,1,1,5,12,0,2,7,1,24,3,16,18,2,15,0,4,0,1,3,2,2,3,11,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082348288383087,0.0,0.08356315153064242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649746490338264,0.0,0.4169086966527605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789669205599185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964254873038026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284296824071853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915068414436384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974648297320812,0.0,0.0,0.2150179558728445,0.0,0.216956377777314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44442954630082665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280327912376515,0.09812693391264324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181702344366128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610361200001592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151208857614787,0.0,0.0,0.2088699168844088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325548746645966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914247966986178,0.1047670658389102,0.0,0.10308667801665007,0.08307409559721564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930483357286617,0.0,0.07972766991617006,0.05855968093311292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554060095365761,0.2391423835631269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134032493888011,0.10980095224107328,0.0,0.06467157347170452
suicidewatch,fridgemagnet6,2019/01/30,"What do I do? Okay so i don't want to kill myself right now but Idk how long that'll last. I don't really have a desire to work or eat, I can make friends very easily and lots of people seem to like me but I still feel very uneasy around people. I smoke weed, drink, do other drugs, as a uni student should. My mum has schizophrenia and anxiety.
I'm not sure if I'm actually mentally ill or not but I still have suicidal thoughts, self harm, find it hard to talk to people, don't eat properly.
I love my friends and family, I have a pretty good life but I just don't have any desire in life anymore.
I've had 1 time where I could've ended it all and it was thinking about a girl, that I haven't talked to properly in months, smile which stopped me.
I'm confused because I don't talk to that girl anymore and I hadn't even known her that long but yet she saved me rather than any of my friends. Like I'm still best friends with people I've known 9 or so years. I'm living because I don't want them to lose me, which sounds big headed but I love them so much I don't want them to be sad, but at the point where it all could've come to an end, I wasn't thinking about them.
I don't know how long I got honestly so I need some advice about what to do, I want to be alive, I want to want, who do I go to?
Thanks, Jacob",0.3053509639149752,2.0239870968858185,2.0727273850716763,98.58573961937721,82.87543252595157,5.512654473554129,17.933885318833415,6.5431188927421005,-0.37766544735541263,1017,22,255,10,28,334,138,289,0.199,0.609,0.192,0.6413,0,0,3,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,4,3,20,20,1,1,6,1,28,10,1,3,3,53,53,23,2,12,15,1,2,2,4,2,4,1,0,3,14,8,3,1,9,1,0,2,13,5,0,0,6,3,38,15,26,43,6,26,0,2,0,2,20,9,0,8,17,151,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.09384821995221933,0.0,0.0,0.09397638384751436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079803623335684,0.0,0.07356992210904144,0.0,0.190749947600426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561184671403355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724889445362338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092466744170736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828420919210703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356812165291447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421016100593806,0.11152687320855856,0.1968121997858271,0.0,0.0,0.17035646384810724,0.0,0.0,0.06351949484845006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066068386694832,0.0,0.04862653103767739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878977994287631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29720336048996393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465572778221455,0.08066298163142636,0.07691607579012469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614958876615521,0.0,0.09869834660937686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639805195702824,0.0,0.05285261416394118,0.07839152984656526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585568008724286,0.09396778139277256,0.0,0.08492002813343491,0.2553227408068897,0.0,0.10758982858701037,0.0,0.08176044533330151,0.17359467879662255,0.0,0.06419433986304279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691691886122264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767621176948938,0.0,0.07069614551338131,0.07130896761305032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666891668675258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091190213097897,0.0,0.0,0.09783964372314197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061609077908542025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212880561872257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754971716228747,0.10032646845642927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040488253224234,0.08040257411467427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519456449141214,0.0,0.09063925361314212,0.0,0.0,0.23189383602317076,0.0,0.08854057803066907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324393236851587,0.0,0.07634837815586233,0.05607760353800542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870093541773286,0.34034197215967016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001303417389175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061930440868822025
suicidewatch,Gina47583,2019/01/30,"My dad died You know how people tell u to live for your loved ones? Well what happens once they’re gone? My dad passed away just a couple days ago. I loved him and did what I could to be there for him. He would’ve done the same for me if he was alive. I have no reason to live now, I gave up living for myself long ago there’s nothing I want. I can’t even support myself financially and I’m mentally unstable causing me to be a social outcast. I want to join my dad, this hurts too much
",0.7759999999999998,2.5488234095238127,2.4402380952380973,96.26892857142859,81.57142857142857,5.342857142857143,18.11904761904762,6.2581,-0.3812095238095233,378,8,90,3,10,124,74,105,0.13,0.708,0.161,0.6587,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,3,0,12,18,4,1,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,5,0,18,4,11,10,2,9,0,1,0,2,14,2,0,1,5,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013479534495857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596985862135029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461276332172662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357124629251267,0.18807584571722552,0.0,0.10962082818126914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640884758948733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394504943095407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226792379640277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030972270613752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196343761170414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341467959647687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502772858955829,0.15042391881309716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068209880619948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129640730383414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495233937442694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309710669302788,0.0,0.0,0.18101950348237192,0.11518052532104955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784035410957032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476422725161006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326971116271733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288740144357028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856701737473912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051317413812647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282935306062978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207464810417173,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaykx113,2019/01/30,"I know I have to go but I can’t move I told my boyfriend I was going to sleep in my car because I just want to be alone but I’m too much of a fucking pussy to even do that. My dogs were crying at me because they’re bored and it’s freezing outside yet I’m sitting in my car in the driveway not moving. I feel unwanted and ugly and stupid. I just want to sleep and wake up to a new life. I want to be healthy and normal and loved. I don’t feel like my depression is valid enough. I want to cut myself so bad but am too ashamed of others finding out and I DONT want to go to the hospital. Actually I probably could just go to the hospital and say I’m in too bad of pain and then they would dope me up and I could fall asleep and live there until my surgery. At least my physical pain would be controlled then. But I have to work. I have to be able to pay the rent. I don’t know what to do, I’m almost out of cigarettes. I wish I would just die because I’m too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself.",-0.4472972972972968,1.4211347432432468,1.8373198198198213,98.36516891891894,86.7027027027027,5.141441441441441,19.61036036036036,6.42735559955562,-0.1302018018018014,771,23,193,8,24,260,105,222,0.256,0.6459999999999999,0.098,-0.9936,1,1,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,12,14,5,1,7,0,22,10,4,1,0,42,45,19,2,13,9,0,3,1,0,3,3,1,2,0,4,13,0,1,5,0,2,9,5,12,0,0,3,4,31,2,32,33,4,25,0,1,0,3,4,10,2,1,6,130,35,2,0.11910042431291215,0.0,0.11622483368664875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926187092873375,0.12335212077954773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888775894646926,0.21780753963293825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335812531815678,0.1901839950482614,0.0,0.13082622358265505,0.0,0.0,0.1025810209411499,0.0,0.12360743690481228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958481028105765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230625758654756,0.0,0.07866470699582477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044150619990675,0.08508536692653446,0.0,0.0,0.10885563013588956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021284623723605,0.0,0.0,0.2707500632295333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317669733063124,0.0,0.1309089569143909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412415191020871,0.05818645132448293,0.0,0.10516785668922646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107492782933426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25316980504369146,0.17510503148089926,0.0,0.0,0.11502793196312965,0.0,0.0,0.11669312841220135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534624973464268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841040138530793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471343775462822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837287442995755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380555936754275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512425802267287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695961017467767,0.0,0.0,0.08670652737900751,0.0,0.0,0.25381657282134434,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muchaluchaoo,2019/01/30,"Everyone in my timezone is sleeping - I’m sitting in my boyfriend’s bed, he’s sleeping and probably mad at me and I feel helpless. I just got back from a night out. I got a little bit drunk and I really would like to hear that my current state is caused by alcohol. And that actually I don’t want to harm myself in any way. Is anyone one down for some conversation? I’m an easy „patient” but I really need someone now. ",1.256731266149874,3.4599606162790733,3.641317829457368,85.97564599483206,82.37209302325581,7.078036175710594,25.834625322997407,8.167268648758528,1.8235028423772608,327,14,68,7,9,113,62,86,0.1,0.8370000000000001,0.063,-0.4445,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,5,4,2,1,0,13,13,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,11,1,11,10,2,14,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,5,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2033692107744047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227171773878648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171975458438474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571875094843453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024742399807468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275198013604201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408512524923415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913598545312908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537375397066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333544661212733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348829541396096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181415028329488,0.20887244509944425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452662258258085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955701219599137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121783952411282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469141195213008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26701389876500703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171027981295841,0.0,0.17657740156508148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292024701650495,0.16541892973630287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480420160901484,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tammy1994,2019/01/30,"i want to end it and i cant Why can't I find the strength to end it?

​

Please, god, give me the strength to end it.",-3.2631034482758636,-1.8432317931034448,-1.1211034482758606,113.43075862068966,108.3103448275862,2.32,16.144827586206898,3.1291,-1.7207572413793106,94,3,28,0,5,30,18,29,0.175,0.634,0.19,-0.1421,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769129444532865,0.3105488388452701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6790847380952243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335888436748676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24516864912863276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28054210874242536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074341687630893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23061463559355624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105488388452701,0.0
suicidewatch,MaryJayy6,2019/01/30,"I've fought all I've could.. Or rather laid down and let it continue to get the best of me because Idk what I'm doing!!! I'm basically looking for more reason, other than my child, to keep breathing.. but, at this point, i feel as though she is MUCH better without me. I. AM. TIREEEEED.. I have been fighting the same battle for 11yrs now. I get it. I know everyone is going through something but what I don't get is how they keep pushing and make something of themselves. I graduated high school at 15, but nothing has come of it but constantly beating and rushing myself to figure out.. SOMETHING. I have no aspirations in life and today was the last straw. My mother is angry with my because of my pill addiction. I got myself in this predicament just lookin for a way to forget everything: sexual abuse, can't figure out my future, no friends, etc.. all I do, EV. ERY. DAMN day is run after a toddler and wait for my fiance to get home from work, i barely step outside my house because of anxiety and the constant thought that people are staring at me. I'm only still alive because I'm a coward and too scared to follow through, fear of the unknown.. I just don't get life at all and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I just want everything, for the Love of God, to be over already. Like, a freak accident where I'm the only one that dies and I can peacefully go without making too many people sad cause let's face it, no one cares anyway .",3.0011458333333323,4.742589600694449,4.208749999999998,86.26125,74.86805555555556,6.605555555555558,26.23611111111111,7.333567415737692,1.3192819444444437,1127,41,223,13,24,369,166,288,0.211,0.687,0.102,-0.9891,0,1,3,0,3,0,46.0,0,0,1,4,13,14,4,2,11,0,22,8,2,5,3,46,51,17,1,3,11,1,1,1,1,0,5,0,1,1,12,14,0,3,7,0,0,8,8,8,0,2,5,3,28,6,41,42,8,33,0,1,2,1,8,14,1,1,11,153,40,3,0.0,0.12971204567611275,0.0,0.1193458156761238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081031472303146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837494132575069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26694404001212163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488909379194845,0.09682328786846932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161884174645027,0.1124627778787536,0.0,0.0943045254435772,0.0,0.23661094646679104,0.0,0.08740827579256356,0.0,0.0,0.07060344625507173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361958120867124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209551389520346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460972509701293,0.1967812856197085,0.0,0.0,0.12319177886048754,0.05535473365212308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458146463136881,0.0,0.2859854140705126,0.0,0.1244363185851449,0.0,0.08755855698671752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566819590351568,0.10981410533525852,0.0,0.0,0.12632146960100046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946159291502782,0.0,0.0,0.060165558131146775,0.08923816202058123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22389478605396,0.15465333072043394,0.05348480962838492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193289665228054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880704013995276,0.0,0.14615315998335418,0.11099224032946932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047800699771812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105045893173853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483685566704227,0.1665240014994747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179478655818607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034909137229829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256033119604313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960532402222042,0.11079631457153978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528416495598904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742827308846943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756034995049442,0.08691230995512926,0.0,0.12582741818027035,0.1037711571770004,0.0,0.0,0.0743275262606076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457222294601328,0.0868975475536525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110633585055256,0.0,0.07970037706103003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DistressThrow,2019/01/30,"Lost and alone from loss of boyfriend Like the title says I just feel so lost right now.  Last year my boyfriend of 7+ years was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.  On top of that, his parents have always hated me because I'm not the right race and they took the opportunity to force me out of his life by refusing to pay for any of his treatment if I continued living with him.  I was able to talk to him online and on the phone but it's not the same as being there and supporting somebody in that situation.  I always stayed positive while talking to him but with where the cancer had spread and how fast it had spread I really expected to lose him.  


Today, after not being able to reach him for the past few days I was able to find out from his sister that my boyfriend is not responsive to the world.  His cancer has progressed extremely aggressively and treatment is being stopped because it will only be postponing the inevitable and...keeping his body alive more than anything else.  

After finding this out I got home to see an early valentine's day gift from my boyfriend.  My emotions are all over the place and I don't know what to do. Right now I don't feel like I am in imminent danger of killing myself but with how fast my emotions are swinging from numbness to hysteria...I really don't know.  More than anything, I just feel alone.  I feel like I lost one of the most important people in my life and because his parents never approved of me for really base reasons....I don't have final moments with him.  I don't feel like I could have ever had enough time to show him just how much I loved him and was proud of him.  I messaged him every day, several times a day...with pictures and messages of love and hope....but I just don't know if he really knew how much he meant to me and how loved he was.  He expressed so much regret over the last few months that the last little bit of time he had left on earth was going to be spent without me and our cat by his side.  I don't want to think that his last conscious thoughts were like that.  

I'm only in my early 30s, I know there's no right time to lose the love of your life but I just feel so lost right now.  I feel like...I have my whole life ahead of me...but I have to spend it without him.   
",4.621345281306716,5.024604971491228,5.007764670296432,87.16578947368423,69.46052631578947,8.044041137326074,27.566243194192378,7.873277556716777,1.435194283121597,1761,54,377,20,29,559,196,456,0.173,0.726,0.101,-0.9844,2,2,0,0,0,1,47.0,1,1,1,13,20,25,4,0,16,0,37,13,1,5,3,72,70,29,1,6,17,3,7,5,0,1,8,1,1,0,12,21,0,2,18,1,3,2,15,13,0,1,21,9,60,12,65,42,13,61,0,8,1,4,43,24,0,3,38,249,72,1,0.20645644733739624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255107695653482,0.0,0.0,0.11452553537725313,0.0,0.0,0.04679915462755813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326404328620546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585393403741335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513232291379385,0.07644219023914288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494622456163123,0.0,0.0,0.17752977175583548,0.0,0.0,0.06984964939112732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748928994589985,0.15482380998430734,0.0,0.0711082331288846,0.0,0.0,0.06225055882378368,0.05798282042510515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24357802722386196,0.1966567029730462,0.0,0.07538764884889908,0.12579830172831652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911131893751275,0.0,0.05504069369703632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794433297845541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903088336973104,0.06835261209790383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061169325498075224,0.07613782330377328,0.0,0.15128408553878014,0.22438607993991552,0.0,0.0,0.07477184470516438,0.0,0.19443505919589685,0.20172838330216944,0.0689745327622949,0.06076827515212632,0.0,0.0,0.15398130337103305,0.3004954675452303,0.0,0.2484466724264956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493052218510292,0.0,0.15176924397627886,0.0,0.05307731327428527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663341061689109,0.10467962098927472,0.0,0.0,0.15283030152992633,0.0,0.06569534667249961,0.04771030176424417,0.0,0.07190101515090695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634838237840952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938544632787887,0.0,0.05472748449257543,0.0,0.0,0.05483968617385311,0.0,0.0,0.07774567333330247,0.0,0.0,0.07735523233109477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335170098575318,0.0,0.057535611493939876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809477660629546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106279146257124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409631836927823,0.0,0.05463445259231295,0.16051521962827342,0.0,0.0652321905856984,0.0,0.0764602365032374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040591120580566534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683375015580435,0.0,0.13267776521183064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863412209651231
suicidewatch,pmddmonster1,2019/01/30,"What's the point? I don't even care if it's selfish. I want to be done. I hate the phrase ""suicide doesn't end the pain it just transfers it to someone else."" Fucking bullshit. Do I really need to feel guilty in my last moments? Do I really need to feel like a horrible person even MORE before I off myself? I already know what an asshole I am. What a horrible human being I turned out to be. I DON'T CARE. That's why I want to die. I'm sick of being in pain all the goddamn time. What the fuck is the point? I never asked for this. I never asked to be born.

I start fights with my SO for NO REASON. None. Other than the fact that I'm needy and need attention and am sick in the head. I push and I push and I push just so I can see what the limits are. Then I beg him to break up with me. Then when it gets to the point where he says he wants to break up, it's like I wake up and realize what a fucking idiot I am.

I have been violent (with myself) all day. Throwing things, slamming things, etc. I have so much anger towards myself and everything. I'm a waste of oxygen. I don't want to be here!!!! I don't want to be alive!!! I never fucking asked to be born!!!!!

I am either crying or raging. All the time. There aren't even good days anymore. I've tried over 20 different medications.

What the fuck is the point? Therapy and meds for the majority of my life only for it to turn out like this? No thank you. 

I'm just done. I'm a lost cause. I want the pain to stop.",-0.8205952380952404,1.2548870000000036,1.6037896825396842,97.59044642857144,91.69841269841272,4.673809523809523,16.128968253968253,6.2581,-0.522331746031746,1115,26,267,12,40,377,145,315,0.268,0.653,0.079,-0.9971,1,0,0,0,1,3,54.0,0,1,0,2,16,23,11,0,21,0,29,14,2,2,7,43,64,15,2,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,7,1,0,2,20,12,0,2,6,0,0,4,12,16,0,0,4,4,37,7,37,52,9,39,0,1,1,5,11,16,5,2,20,181,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561038080417528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592448557711219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429926202114777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372501924632707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667233114598582,0.08900406429644969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517095352976633,0.11175241779661753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991956896293889,0.090521293478551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732743092870334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237734927864464,0.0,0.07673811555401884,0.0,0.09662749910688218,0.1716764797357851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786724873769707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761647837648116,0.061896271864121236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40049055116729976,0.04526629105537578,0.0,0.0,0.07267027109559092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553994533788685,0.0889185529684862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761556939407618,0.07062389227784947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061197025588063635,0.12698509297485885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457877037461088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623850125422596,0.08728158544982129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369102599437246,0.19272937485743105,0.2004683956910988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589430394623642,0.27657605901834004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565148659765865,0.0,0.0,0.3276145979260523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100875030929504,0.0890812688781623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689003162847942,0.0,0.0,0.06904157494850581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734105481821874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132487059140454,0.0,0.0,0.0724356667646455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477107546437677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797672944678535,0.09908141292385504,0.0,0.11512072002821387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104200388025904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588234796532174,0.18848082585705989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066182638160179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817993055298816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheAllDogDiet,2019/01/30,I am 26 and have a lot of back pain from a car accident. Been considering killing self for month. I don't really know what to say here. Does anyone have the same problems? I broke up with my gf today so she would not ask about me. I can't talk to anyone irl about this. ,-0.3961083743842373,1.7146795862068984,1.6793596059113334,97.78017241379312,89.34482758620689,5.383251231527094,15.182266009852214,6.868970318607317,-0.4696285714285713,208,4,51,3,7,69,49,58,0.266,0.7340000000000001,0.0,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,9,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,9,7,2,5,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834494782337665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563369422285029,0.0,0.0,0.2108403713332372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399514188544363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033580721152481,0.0,0.15069135988974428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23311226676980634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886122543683048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917646684112033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623692533670856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565745570869795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180522566444587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860470045576171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203889568072482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259906452762371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947815001740245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jasonthebtone96,2019/01/30,The act of suicide is so appealing currently.... I just want to die I dont care how anymore. I have so much debt about to lose my car. Have no insurance cause I can't afford it. Cant get medicine cause I have no insurance. Everynight I go to bed hoping I dont wake up. Hoping all this pain goes away. Hoping that my life is taken from me. I want to die...,-1.5304385964912264,0.4164645526315809,1.1642105263157916,97.99614035087721,100.84210526315788,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,-0.18606666666666705,270,8,64,4,12,92,50,76,0.339,0.598,0.063,-0.9734,3,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,9,3,1,3,1,10,18,3,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,11,4,9,17,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418831015987618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650201548005004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907732939935522,0.3608626214758327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645744903273749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116990234564008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176498053124596,0.0,0.09982061838239677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233523332643785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406017216627915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649693924131093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911607344279138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689401524104327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212234296542768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719479001258428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,penguiniweenie,2019/01/30,"I'm ready. I've been struggling with depression for a few years. In 2018 from August-December alone I lost 3 people. One to the hand of his father and two to their own. I don't know how much longer I'm supposed to go on. It sucks. I've been told by people through rumors and what not that I had sex with my ex. Am I supposed to care? I don't feel anything but numb and nothing. I've looked into things like The Blue Whale Game, just need to find a curator I guess. I'm not sure what to do anymore or how to do it. I've tried leading a normal life but I don't know how to go and do that. I haven't felt anything in so long. Maybe I'd feel something if I did. My last burst of ANYTHING before I did it. I don't know how I am but I know it'll be soon. ",-0.7491895424836592,0.9887438588235328,1.5592156862745092,100.70535947712419,86.88235294117645,4.483660130718954,17.6797385620915,5.46131890053228,-0.752359477124183,576,14,149,3,18,194,95,170,0.097,0.8420000000000001,0.061,-0.5413,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,7,8,1,1,5,0,17,4,1,5,1,32,36,14,0,3,8,2,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,8,1,0,3,7,5,0,2,8,6,17,3,20,26,3,11,0,2,2,1,7,4,1,3,5,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032236685704874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630918985328634,0.0,0.0,0.4059892147609912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399362856524126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676694699496737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164200964598286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630344313623927,0.0,0.1578994230415843,0.0,0.15030587600188464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692338366182248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116208980126225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361513417743254,0.13405008590988893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615710028038972,0.08034279464323232,0.0,0.0,0.14553458095494942,0.13809801115514814,0.0,0.17951845876872854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652138381047969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089092275805358,0.1219388530034372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611277512012999,0.1577958430070352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143672907230752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280202070287503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266029543029076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192062484286555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549937825863501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092544032342326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714064833641794,0.0,0.11165191051790196,0.0,0.16064541673191116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590150409300417
suicidewatch,Evotist,2019/01/30,"There's nothing I want. It may be lack of experience, who knows, but there's nothing I really have to look forward to, neither is there something I know I want that will want me to keep living. Oh, and also doesn't it feel like when you want to do something or find something, it feels like it's not the right thing or you're missing something? Like you're on your playlist and looking for one of your simp songs, but it just doesn't feel right, or if you make a decision, but if just feels like the other one would be right, yet when you change your mind, it doesn't feel like it's the right one? I don't know, maybe it's just me. I just want to hear other people's thoughts, opinions, advice, etc. Thanks.",3.0462951432129515,4.240959856164388,3.3260896637609,94.85633250311336,73.72602739726027,6.131008717310087,23.546699875467,6.11248444174946,0.25228219178082195,553,15,126,3,11,170,73,146,0.153,0.797,0.05,-0.8322,0,0,4,0,0,0,21.0,0,6,0,0,11,7,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,1,0,38,33,13,0,9,13,0,5,5,0,3,0,2,0,0,13,2,0,1,11,1,0,1,6,1,0,3,1,9,14,6,9,27,3,9,0,1,2,0,8,6,0,7,9,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056925158820223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904863260303903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969810945007868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619259484315745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068279331120676,0.0,0.0,0.2860611849510256,0.3233386449963356,0.0,0.0,0.10341740659927832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752871308861707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005732656089443,0.0,0.0,0.18655348567367425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763978256191825,0.0,0.0999138674116085,0.0,0.19003565994990848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755287639751322,0.0,0.11367477523564605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424963838435495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171417018417807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23002089792723626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844423348708007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248703723735495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38651925938456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484347931054799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417367690932744,0.0,0.0,0.07517209135519404,0.0,0.0,0.08982877066608927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33369515833899954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803787906371414,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_sewerside1,2019/01/30,"We live in a dystopia There a lot of us. People who are willing to end it all. Something is seriously wrong. For us, and myself, to stay alive and/or be a semi-productive member of society we must consume drugs. Drugs that will take away the thoughts we think, keep us from ending it all. Our lives are so unbelievebly shit and unfulfilling, that for us simply to keep on living in this hellhole we must consume drugs. 

If this isnt a dystopia, then I dont know what is.",3.981428571428573,5.467393913043484,4.542236024844723,85.9058695652174,71.82608695652173,7.431055900621117,27.27329192546584,7.957251820313856,1.5410726708074534,368,13,75,5,7,117,63,92,0.095,0.8759999999999999,0.028,-0.7251,0,0,4,0,0,0,14.0,9,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,11,4,1,0,4,17,17,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,11,0,12,11,3,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,2,3,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345654692495628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400221830403255,0.0,0.4571539650152439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23276641964877826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23359235060692102,0.0,0.0,0.07221512756327136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480912398378498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117133198191452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109763305814132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488231106551293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115971409243324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400570965492929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987979847790822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419712476080002,0.0,0.10431854611150118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322419249139176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366750855118152,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arryvive,2019/01/30,Life is pointless I just want to die. Every time I think to the future I realize how pointless  Continuing life is. We spend thousand to go to college work a miserable job then at the end we die without anyone even giving a shit. Should I even continue if I know that this will be my inevitable fate. ,4.864830508474576,5.812341203389836,5.762500000000002,80.01968220338985,69.16949152542372,8.611864406779661,31.69915254237288,8.841846274778883,2.607301694915253,237,10,45,4,4,78,44,59,0.26,0.7190000000000001,0.02,-0.9463,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,2,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,4,0,5,3,1,1,0,11,10,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,6,7,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,6,32,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386449400973028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161267015068235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023343148513871,0.0,0.0,0.32846693340969285,0.0,0.20950152140208314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23853134901083625,0.1413156649051738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675049390500295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366536064127647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512630156380549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552395165713907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593272924439267,0.0,0.0,0.1449920100202327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666243302235282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396933562761965,0.0,0.1810229024071608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iilwbd,2019/01/30,Feeling it come on again Just want to talk before I give up,2.0984615384615397,3.1811742307692303,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,75.92307692307692,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.4706307692307692,47,1,11,0,1,15,13,13,0.0,0.7809999999999999,0.219,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462558617651841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517546228160457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26517027369019724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030861808789221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215212741763575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093255608271191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throawayyaccountt,2019/01/30,"struggling with self harm for almost a decade. need some kind words to avoid relapse throwaway account. I’ve been struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts since I was 13. almost 10 years now. as a teenager the cutting was a few times a week. now it’s about once a month, sometimes less when I’m doing ok mentally.

The last week almost every second of the day is struggling against the intrusive thoughts. I guess I’d just like some help and kind words. i’m tired of being chronically suicidal. im just. tired. ",2.5026190476190457,5.355635826530612,2.6460204081632672,90.6376700680272,83.59183673469389,5.307482993197279,25.51360544217687,6.816661863887847,1.1583238095238095,413,17,77,5,12,125,65,98,0.289,0.589,0.121,-0.9623,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,1,4,9,1,6,3,0,0,0,18,12,4,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,0,1,5,0,2,4,9,6,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,11,39,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41136794645797603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831305183092156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537534859331584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085157012757536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178600054170488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791548421065767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28519767569259863,0.0,0.1116219511346254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690051287035055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800031205437488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930182593834432,0.0,0.0,0.10153706802181052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458334612014725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285710361348274,0.0,0.0,0.11327572115199193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543421800461547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294689284603198,0.0,0.29957375650841656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742540175965105,0.07984907979366852,0.3147779292064521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968524114999194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818295366777237
suicidewatch,MelonMist101,2019/01/30,I can’t fine a reason to keep on living... nothing helps with the pain... I just lost my fiancé... she left me for a guy that’s better than me in every way... he’s stronger... smarter... he treats her better than that ever could... (mostly because he has a lot of money to spare) I just can’t deal with the constant pain of life anymore... there nothing that helps... I’ve tried counseling but it doesn’t help... I’ve tried drugs... I’ve tried medication and meditation but it makes me feel even more of a failure than I already do... my gpa is .4 because I can’t retain information and I’m trying to get a job but no one wants me... I’m thinking about hanging myself in my shed tomorrow but I feel like the shotgun would be quicker... I know people would miss me but the comfort of having friends is less than the pain I feel... I can’t seem to get a break... nothing I do is ever enough for her... I even got her name tattooed for her birthday last year... I bought her flowers every day for the past two months and she wanted me to get her a $180 dollar teddy bear... I’m so poor I can barely afford food... I’m surviving off my parents... I can’t even afford my medical expenses anymore... I just want the pain and misery to end...,0.2767066666666693,2.5452875240000026,2.3392000000000017,93.13426666666668,87.75999999999998,4.613333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.079149491110277,0.07793333333333319,931,30,200,8,30,311,133,250,0.138,0.78,0.081,-0.9531,5,0,1,1,0,2,73.0,0,0,0,4,11,13,0,0,14,0,18,9,0,2,2,36,40,10,0,6,8,1,3,1,1,2,8,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,8,0,5,1,7,6,0,2,3,3,35,7,25,33,5,18,0,2,0,0,20,5,0,3,11,124,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114277562401272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002789352665495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310610848261795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860729431439307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911744964447607,0.0,0.0806198383864221,0.0,0.0,0.06512013164653435,0.10410016791350604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709824144542882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894333435591391,0.10433354263247874,0.0,0.20007790760024688,0.1826742431123246,0.17015056627294264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316706480568545,0.07213612826805893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209863975590687,0.0,0.07801256742840322,0.0,0.15826486213700333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075844820883712,0.0,0.0,0.0999805266436939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030430264156682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002015068556134,0.08975068214795773,0.0,0.0,0.05549288701762272,0.08230760914531945,0.0,0.0,0.10970897607757388,0.0,0.07132120165710915,0.04933098919148101,0.0,0.08916224109794614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022548056134177,0.08584482011273688,0.0,0.0,0.06740119302596607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344216069328336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059679907720488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906629671176017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842286357863286,0.0,0.42977550383043495,0.0,0.11212011660665257,0.0,0.09639148592522796,0.07000293192640429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381849575986238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919232972628682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470031542166954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27421994544377154,0.0,0.09863731217781853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867194373610445,0.08014877511801824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345862682756025,0.0,0.0,0.06502420007882602
suicidewatch,OGSHAGGY,2019/01/30,"I think I might do it soon My mom told me I should kill myself, so I think maybe today or tomorrow. I'm so fucking done with living a life that I have no control over. No one loves me or cares about me, and so it's not like anyone will miss me, even my mom and dad hate me. I try to be a good person, the best person I can be, and yet it doesn't matter. The acts of kindness don't come full circle. ",0.8555714285714302,1.6934614777777774,2.9287301587301577,96.965,78.66666666666667,5.587301587301588,17.301587301587304,5.288315135182226,-0.7678412698412704,303,4,78,1,7,103,62,90,0.179,0.652,0.16899999999999998,0.2388,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,3,0,4,0,11,3,0,1,0,14,21,8,1,1,3,3,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,2,0,15,6,5,14,2,8,0,1,0,2,7,2,1,3,5,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136554439815926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716168478022134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154959070178787,0.0,0.0,0.1618364154958455,0.0,0.0,0.2107161454334766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225985526010564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408869841401715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736860563471944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575794080969728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548622086823946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785423140777332,0.19564137661254266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270063430446527,0.09178551965583344,0.0,0.1658957739746066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956320098945105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874421847187856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930413190749588,0.0,0.4400704285936679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273079699563282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280878494049928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24076355127700555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808214431267794,0.179521214449411,0.0,0.12755379835813924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sslpee,2019/01/30,"Better to write a letter or better to just go Should I write a goodbye letter or just do it? Please don’t tell me not to do it, I have decided nothing gonna change how I feel. Thanks in advance",-0.2964285714285708,1.8163650714285708,2.0145714285714327,95.58042857142858,88.76190476190477,4.312380952380953,17.923809523809524,5.6839178017228535,-0.421710476190476,151,4,34,1,5,51,29,42,0.0,0.738,0.262,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,9,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044442688749753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614927319448059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727830785739226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420642818612968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32788799830905857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751041611362706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986769227821793,0.3146083696367318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uneasyidiot,2019/01/30,"Depressed and suicidal I've always been a. clumsy person. Giving weird looks, talking too fast, and knocking over things,. I injured my back in a fender bender and my eyes were injured due to me dropping my iPhone on my face last year. My eyes and back have gotten some what better, today I think I've gone passed the limit. I accidentally passed a school bus as it was in the midst of stopping. I approached it as it had yellow lights on for awhile. Then I stopped alongside it. Then in my stupid panicky head I thought I should get out of the way and slowly drove off as the stop sign arm started to come out. As soon as I got home, I knew I fucked up. I paced back and forth asking myself, ""Why didn't I just stop?! Why did I make it so much worse?!"" I think the world might be better off without me at this point. 

I've been sitting here thinking of ways to end it painlessly but I'm too much of a coward to do it. I've had these discussions with myself about 2 times last year but I don't know anymore. I hate myself as a person and how weird I am I just canny stand it.",2.127645803698435,3.782607103603602,3.15873399715505,93.22687766714084,77.06306306306305,5.3944049312470375,21.143669985775247,5.750287758089431,-0.041400000000000325,835,21,183,4,19,267,130,222,0.136,0.812,0.052000000000000005,-0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,12,8,3,0,10,0,15,8,5,2,0,33,35,19,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,12,11,0,5,6,0,0,6,3,6,0,0,14,5,29,2,30,18,3,45,0,1,4,1,6,14,1,2,20,121,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716145894632978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772252463177666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039886229499253,0.0,0.0,0.2970887529556349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780403258210385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093896757550856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092442499378982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406743710148028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190619040491168,0.06728611682080803,0.12354463837094976,0.0,0.0,0.1030030729577182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271509244662768,0.1321730586509856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918429326502118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077820360452555,0.20995788942965304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081490054995505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596660976864998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662311142771308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893471594680396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249044331310786,0.0,0.0,0.121745749399301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033975508515794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115640602377437,0.0,0.0,0.4306882337637633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408725456903182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035144580850917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556064607588412,0.2475653553619057,0.0,0.10224283395385372,0.07509698628255779,0.0,0.12207542519494555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044509352038194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242124846481305,0.0,0.0,0.12414648700836647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124539408240762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586976528862218
suicidewatch,throwaway328283838,2019/01/30,"Bipolar? This might not be the right forum to ask, but is there a mental illness that causes severe mood swings in the span of a few hours? I’ve always though bipolar swings were days/weeks/months apart. It’s like one minute I feel fine and then the next I want to end it all.",3.6260526315789465,4.507591561403512,3.4236403508771933,95.89756578947369,71.98245614035088,5.7,19.513157894736842,3.1291,-0.6208210526315794,217,3,49,0,4,65,48,57,0.126,0.7559999999999999,0.119,-0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,4,3,0,1,1,8,7,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,4,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348098829476844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638153963234169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898932791826448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249942113678719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268690102956672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779064582118478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786683151600482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843874427095539,0.2993656219103621,0.0,0.0,0.2252463512534869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001189090749605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912234795905327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409940521958098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188014340198846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772563789131902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644665734749736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SolarSystemOne,2019/01/30,"I was just thinking how I wish I lived in one of the states being dumped on by the cold and snow right now Perfect weather to end it all. Death by hypothermia is said to be one of the most peaceful (though.. cold) ways to go.

Just be sure to drink a lot of alcohol while outside.

Alas, Colorado isn't nearly cold enough for me to feel comfortable going that path. So here I am. Still.

Ugh.",1.39357594936709,3.5315638481012677,2.3017563291139247,96.1485838607595,81.40506329113923,5.468987341772152,21.26740506329114,6.6274283507984215,0.2152139240506328,300,9,67,3,8,94,61,79,0.126,0.703,0.17,0.6115,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,0,4,0,7,2,0,1,3,12,13,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,5,5,3,14,8,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,48,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729570808678693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502059082134025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262186652799201,0.26390822280548737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291436638218081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903123370726762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255329206293847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171416146848699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461467112241639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218119915950672,0.2429547031723601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397185142675653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24072219522724025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365729397337547,0.2509403759732465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273365849314431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937104726041388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Piano_Dust_Oohyo,2019/01/30,"Is there really any point? I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling, I've been depressed for years but, lately I've just chilled out so much, I really don't care anymore, I don't fear death anymore, the only thing that really holds me back is how this will affect my parents.

In all honesty I've accomplished everything I've wanted to, I've finished college, traveled to every country ever wanted to see,I got my dream job, I've slept with hot women, fallen in love, among many other things, In all honesty though it's all just momentary short lived dopamine rushed to my brain, the rest of just suffering.

I've never felt like this, before I was so sad, angry, feeling sick, tired, but for the late two months I've been thinking so clearly, I've came to realise that nothing I can accomplish outweighs the general misery of life.

I got my hands on an exit bag, it's winter where I am now, which is pretty terrible and usually makes me feel worse than I usually do, I figure I'll book a trip to Malaysia next week, I'll travel all around, feel the sun kiss my skin one last time, eventually take a trek through the jungle and call it quits, I rather my last moments not be in vain.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, maybe I'm hoping my parents will be able to to locate this message after I'm gone, I can't leave a note because I don't want to be stopped.
",6.0684946236559165,5.327046100358423,6.5514551971326185,81.22051612903229,66.4910394265233,9.303799283154122,32.22007168458781,8.447377352677275,2.3245615770609316,1078,38,220,13,15,352,166,279,0.173,0.662,0.165,-0.5708,3,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,17,11,0,1,10,0,20,9,4,4,7,41,45,10,1,5,7,2,8,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,14,6,0,2,9,4,0,7,8,6,0,2,9,8,22,5,26,31,6,39,0,3,0,2,7,12,0,1,21,122,36,5,0.11409139060932212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758605797482873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262960044265241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156552642176757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772923693731469,0.0,0.06954905275744087,0.0,0.09708337018055106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736372420830128,0.11650006599430678,0.1304901565638031,0.11632377651879107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982667475520568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535628747592553,0.10320219466151437,0.09612691730968173,0.0,0.10253798522432407,0.0,0.0,0.12838453373017028,0.2307521406191816,0.0,0.10954562690422012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824986150343147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331849404467875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321810058938075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540328906250134,0.1859994218433087,0.2574001161569972,0.12080630915894805,0.0,0.0,0.08058612327063752,0.05573929047297421,0.0,0.10074478815920483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297193445020324,0.0,0.07615688916588978,0.1156707627260049,0.11462013679224092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106665948900246,0.0,0.08387029962150619,0.0,0.08799431394903624,0.0,0.12133748825162037,0.0,0.0,0.10947376635146527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773112789852736,0.08677164371335072,0.0,0.0,0.25336997493174834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785324172225252,0.0,0.0,0.11607196084499595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213502376998752,0.0,0.0,0.21926959890406325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909160668534919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538551122368764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578252688945748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515945006485361,0.07310515629401312,0.1120942120000289,0.0,0.0665276073629548,0.13113126998384855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145071049786104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513110960918265,0.0,0.2018821745621404,0.0,0.09151723166020494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294973424430337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626887413108708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734711149192276
suicidewatch,sumonte,2019/01/30,"college was a bad choice i fucked up so bad going to college. i would've been so much happier with a shitty 10/hr job for life. i feel like im hitting a wall. college has been so stressful. it made my anxiety and depression so much worse. 

ive thought of, planned, and researched how to kill myself. the only reason im not now is because its cold. and its not an emotional suicide its more to put me out of my misery. i just want to end it, like ive made peace with it. completely calm and will commit suicide if i can't find a solution. 

i offer the world nothing. im bad at basically everything. i suck at bonding with people. i have friends and family. we are just not close and i don't really want to be close to people. im mediocre at every job ive had. i cant keep a job for more than a year. im not attractive (idc im just saying beauty has value n i have none). i have medical issues that make it so if i have a kid theyd probably be fucked up. i fail at basic reason for existing. im just worthless. 

but i would've been fine with that if it wasn't for student loans. if i dont goto school i have to pay $700/month. thats all my money! game over man. im n the red. :( 

i just need to be less depressed and anxious. but i dont know how.
ive tried pills, therapy, class help. etc. i asked my dad to drive me to school but he wont. hes like you have to be an adult. i understand. but its not working! its been years and i just get super stressed out. my anxiety got worse. i struggle to sit in a lecture hall without having a panic attack. ive never had a panic attack before college. 

the semester has barely started and im already more stressed out than I've ever been. ive missed 7 days of school and that stresses me out. im stressed if i go n stressed if i dont. its so annoying. i just want to be a normal person and im not. even though ive tried really hard. ",-1.2506114551083627,0.7892714362745146,1.7780495356037171,95.06385448916413,95.66666666666669,4.823942208462333,18.922600619195045,6.513038844787706,0.12731470588235272,1438,48,333,20,57,504,188,408,0.204,0.6659999999999999,0.13,-0.9818,3,0,0,0,0,4,56.0,1,1,1,5,19,32,7,9,17,0,43,5,0,7,4,68,66,30,3,11,24,1,2,3,1,2,3,1,0,4,15,22,0,1,7,1,3,4,17,24,0,0,13,5,46,8,39,44,9,30,0,5,1,2,16,17,3,6,11,207,61,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201707997435343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598428158561547,0.06348896162934715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253855154667756,0.127869128615368,0.0,0.0,0.14077164790348473,0.03425843628514417,0.0,0.04782127606075328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058923663977400786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03624375603113135,0.0,0.09680836694358327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975947023551958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321639848215514,0.0497757022759074,0.0,0.06267682744729307,0.0371189609466364,0.050835283445614964,0.04735014700237924,0.0,0.050508107506018265,0.0,0.05297948908255081,0.0,0.028415942394762174,0.04014863250229725,0.0,0.0,0.051364939095877415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043419268200876035,0.10391028393281193,0.029361698687021712,0.0,0.0638784621917539,0.0,0.044947536504091536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034333520140912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766905731075704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6677511277204805,0.05865723638008464,0.16730673955662353,0.049952322655835935,0.06217595314342288,0.0,0.030885543497467614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03969507074614389,0.08236809225456633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635385274844213,0.0375133209112656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661465857160927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485756783324602,0.0,0.08262557725466411,0.041670904189162666,0.04334419346287232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550631641773385,0.053924530971346515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274193119320405,0.0,0.13187501836614587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792272902567203,0.0490708671489868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059211120453465,0.0,0.0,0.05649559560912752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720051367631823,0.11556402411049944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446917624357556,0.0,0.17062940157220338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397779966139192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862551233516913,0.0587514783804477,0.0,0.12294533955193852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426854341115973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055215308727919125,0.0446157903784972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631096982021487,0.0,0.0,0.05850522209206085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944301669304184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417390565574532,0.0,0.04091359806082622,0.0,0.11454332326443205,0.07984442506230592,0.0,0.0,0.07238072725554341
suicidewatch,nomjom,2019/01/30,"Any advice? I've been suicidal for a while, and it's really not for typical reasons. Or at least, I don't know. I'm terrified of death. Of leaving this Earth in the future, but the thing is, that's why I want to die so badly. I feel comfort in knowing my life can be in my own hands, and that I can leave anytime. Honestly, it scares me to think of myself in the future. Because one day, when I'm important in people's lives, I'll have to go. And I don't want that responsibility. It's selfish and petty, I know. But something about leaving before it really matters makes me feel happy. I feel like I can leave this Earth without really causing damage. 

My sister struggles with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts as well, and I don't want to be the thing that breaks her. We've been close for a long time, and I feel like if I killed myself it would be my fault if it drove her to suicide. My father too. He's already struggling so much. I couldn't  do it to him. I've written paragraphs and paragraphs, suicide note after suicide note, but I'm just too scared to hurt my loved ones. 

Anyone have any advice about this? My mind has convinced me that suicide is the only way out at this point. I don't want it to be, but it's harder and harder to push off this feeling. Hope to get some replies. Thanks for reading.",2.533101881894876,4.3018034328358254,3.8364373783257655,88.31102855288775,76.23880597014927,6.302660609993511,25.085009733939003,7.079830092131019,1.022982284231019,1032,36,212,11,23,338,136,268,0.264,0.5720000000000001,0.16399999999999998,-0.9928,0,0,1,0,0,5,37.0,0,0,0,0,10,21,1,4,7,0,21,3,1,3,0,45,46,21,9,9,10,2,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,21,12,0,0,11,1,0,3,7,11,1,2,5,6,28,10,32,35,4,24,0,3,0,1,7,11,0,5,10,140,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321444956086735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780429606494696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054150693095933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197145161214121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400150590125894,0.05402741061881629,0.0,0.0754167439676885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104638829190184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057158367450392586,0.0,0.07633602054490278,0.0,0.09198290050633952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406740563173155,0.12663313853155567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630499005343044,0.0,0.05036989834864402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434720954476217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802858652597159,0.0,0.0,0.0948791685130102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805484766252087,0.0,0.14612452770764042,0.0,0.0,0.3753812201030078,0.0,0.0,0.06260127779605844,0.08659929688726538,0.0,0.07826102328907264,0.0784338685220421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999112517258204,0.0,0.059160540068994724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949001617094131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515250656508008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011459680897985,0.06740634184222252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061444183303753785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378304442795112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865297580478172,0.0,0.17033400436852886,0.09112536444181232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746616397018686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823092770899722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530853075155748,0.0,0.581674390070407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159766773037531,0.0,0.0,0.11776232758564233,0.0567898790976247,0.0,0.07036151932910553,0.051680277703008655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910270203541348,0.07034956814523541,0.0,0.0,0.07968810730931775,0.0,0.07997387950794076,0.0,0.0,0.0854351851125551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295949270070945,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oedema5,2019/01/30,Rant This post is going to get buried because the internet is just a circle jerk of self-reinforcing thoughts and why would you upvote a post as stupid as this? ,13.669677419354839,7.712534677419359,11.725806451612904,66.20870967741936,57.064516129032256,14.980645161290324,43.903225806451616,11.20814326018867,4.593038709677419,129,4,25,2,1,40,26,31,0.247,0.753,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200543921567648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860086617743446,0.0,0.20515729399492244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.691451732104101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765882848839453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865834432901793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257347195056787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564348862561948,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadSpinnered,2019/01/30,"How to go on? I have no clue how to proceed staying alive anymore, I've been through everything and it will happen again, everything I do and have ever planned doesn't work out for me. 


Nothing feels right - why not going for suicide when there is no way it will turn out good in the end...?


Of course it may get better, but after a while it starts all over, being worse in the end.",4.253636363636364,4.728284233766238,4.514701298701301,90.12348051948051,70.29870129870129,7.1989610389610394,27.08831168831169,6.742157984588678,1.0005293506493511,294,9,64,2,5,92,60,77,0.091,0.805,0.104,-0.1815,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,2,12,17,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,13,12,1,20,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,9,47,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167322613809922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328025058841106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871219060883985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976813075878569,0.0,0.0,0.3928180609540401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105000359631584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417776386868532,0.0,0.2484018397630601,0.1833003955034736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932535803992472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096943514612621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663136729717172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468324067234418,0.23293381519198764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390465227803969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377080022102501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346632340666293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971977257652791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909921248773498,0.0,0.2227102160509808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sunnyhill16,2019/01/30,"Had my heartbroken and finally gonna end this life Today I was heartbroken by someone I truly felt was ""the one"". I told her I had feelings for her and she said that they weren't the same and she did not like me like that. I feel like I am going to die alone. I have been friend zoned all my life and I have finally realized that I am going to die alone. I do not want to wait till I am 40 or anything like that. I have wanted to kill myself for a while and that this is my sign. I have no one else worth living for.",0.2538857602574396,1.9765479203539835,2.3048592115848763,96.8347304907482,83.07079646017701,5.879002413515687,17.35237329042639,6.980632752743323,-0.2189044247787608,397,8,98,5,11,133,64,113,0.293,0.643,0.064,-0.9798,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,0,16,2,0,0,1,18,27,8,3,2,3,0,3,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,10,4,23,5,9,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,10,72,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35325596442225204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403398686971407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539871390748879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424642661239351,0.0,0.1510477991401476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246027129584265,0.1218337924062578,0.1637451204957924,0.3736364139537719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317587618486004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384359607904014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886772150335022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24091485599469376,0.33326887043431674,0.0,0.15058992259796514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311246017003671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222256974031507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449796762060904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165195583722786,0.16295825469772107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117779190177654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DanTheMan2150AD,2019/01/30,"Nothing matters You ever have that one sliver of hope in your miserable life that you can hold onto and then all of a sudden it’s ripped away? 13 years, YouTube had been there, even when friends couldn’t, it was there. But now when a company strikes your channel with a swarm of copyright infringement charges so your account is suspended you can’t use it anymore. The little ray of hope I had left is gone, vanished in one strike. I’ve always had suicidal tendencies and nearly committed it at least 3 times in my 18 miserable years of existence, but this took the cake. What even matters any more? If I can’t even escape using the internet, what can I do? I feel I could just throw myself out a window and the only person who’d care is the man who’d have to replace the glass, but not me rather the glass itself.",6.412953761214631,6.137694298136648,6.338219461697722,81.48274672187715,65.64596273291926,9.640027605244997,32.17460317460318,9.150863307647796,2.5709911663216016,646,23,128,10,9,204,106,161,0.114,0.799,0.086,0.1635,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,6,0,0,12,6,0,2,11,0,19,1,0,2,3,25,27,11,1,6,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,12,5,0,1,1,1,1,3,4,2,0,2,7,1,14,4,15,16,3,22,0,2,0,0,11,10,0,3,9,95,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603638619230314,0.0,0.0,0.1275238913467565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859750825983172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618654714109186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119492631832544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972399451817942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715768245175917,0.16962771150238773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481861714735793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488187339217662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725106210917424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374719748384174,0.0,0.1324549319331982,0.0,0.18794999379096994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993594532220836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414450478706835,0.14262172810056645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637401885410031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512265472455304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934773069235644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083479278586044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239239521617373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415207763004105
suicidewatch,DuneManta,2019/01/30,"I have a gun to my head but does it really matter No matter how hard I try I can't overcome my personal failures. I've dropped out of college twice and am getting ready to do so a third time. I have spend thousands of dollars and countless hours trying to overcome my own limitations with no success. My life has peaked in a pit of mediocrity, I can't progress in my education due to my own flaws and it's cascading into every part of my life.

I am destined to never be anything more than a mediocre drone worker, cursed to never succeed or be good at anything I do. Forever chasing the ability to be even just average at something. I've already given up on being good, I just want to be average.",4.918634920634922,5.480569085714286,6.3223809523809535,77.44039682539682,68.85714285714286,8.793650793650794,35.555555555555564,8.841846274778883,3.1580317460317464,552,28,103,9,9,188,88,140,0.14,0.705,0.155,0.5222,0,0,1,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,0,5,0,14,3,1,1,2,17,17,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,1,1,15,4,22,11,4,14,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,5,79,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374634720972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35416003799420986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883110122523168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421285450826617,0.0,0.18130376851262994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242597877514272,0.0,0.0,0.3609761774288997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276468964397048,0.0,0.22084326141326807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191519441486567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039849450642557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33192993540503185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302583151835266,0.0,0.0,0.18789240797598536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378538766392456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566095406928455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254768826735012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921947931135953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692247592393546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,otsuofficial,2019/01/30,"genuinely feel like im losing my mind im a 19 yr old with a confusing childhood. ive been seeing reality in very strange ways recently and i feel like im going insane, i dont know how to describe anything, its a constant uncertainty about life and i feel like im going mad",1.1064367816091938,3.2385725172413795,4.25241379310345,81.79229885057472,82.44827586206897,7.314942528735633,26.90804597701149,8.344100000000001,2.1648873563218403,218,10,44,5,6,79,40,58,0.251,0.623,0.126,-0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,10,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,3,4,9,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124264050629506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234672476030585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869153383331353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419213613076389,0.3418085416511192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812781045816046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6890850622604768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764883486685429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264903598481715,0.2337490780083001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842302161110046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103447735945356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673527742447209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747228648628755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270889685582964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159190232764562,0.0,0.1265918414529222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,4d6-L,2019/01/30,"15th attempt tonight This time, I’ll succeed. I hope y’all get rid of Trump. ",-1.1008333333333304,0.7010222500000012,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,107.75,2.1333333333333333,24.08333333333333,3.1291,-0.4126416666666666,60,3,14,0,3,18,15,16,0.0,0.643,0.35700000000000004,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131076354511967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7853425989271133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610629933559279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rachbear8,2019/01/30,"I'm Done! I'm done. Over it. Finished.

I'm sick of the memories.

I'm sick of the feelings.

I'm sick of the urges.

I'm sick of the pain.

I simply give up on trying to fix myself so I can have a good life. Nothing works anyway. 37 years of trying for what. I'm a huge fuck up & I just have to accept it. So I'll just exist until death takes me.

P.S. Venting, no need to reply.",-2.804617940199332,-1.2001555813953484,0.6638538205980069,101.24418604651169,104.81395348837208,2.922259136212625,11.956810631229231,4.65589566412798,-1.6065189368770767,284,5,72,1,14,101,50,86,0.274,0.643,0.084,-0.9603,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,6,0,5,7,0,0,0,5,17,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,14,15,0,8,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,3,39,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840275089222022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5365184419930901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325453603688958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234329163842094,0.0,0.2514676257381458,0.0,0.2198697653444148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515653585665606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437275512173005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152945100417545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789343899022781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709591268636714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559503624551518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908403220848292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688089285333212
suicidewatch,MaddozS,2019/01/30,"A one step to kill myself Hello, before to start, I want to sorry for the grammar and syntaxes errors, English isn't my first language, and I usually don't practice it.

Over a year, I had some bad days, but, in this month, I feel very down, all the time I feel alone, I don't want to do anything, all the thing that I enjoyed, now, are boring, I was a student who cared about for the homework I didn't do, and now I forget it and I don't care. I'm a loser in love, I'm not a weirdo who is behind to girls, but, ever I meet someone, she has a bf or she isn't interested in a relationship, and I always think I'll never get another girlfriend. And my friends... I don't know, they are OK, but they aren't real friends, they only are classmates, so... 

I don't want to live because I feel I don't deserve the life what I have, I decide to kill myself, but now, I don't know how I can end this... ",5.740616004605641,3.353258455958553,7.080069084628673,82.49686816350031,68.06735751295336,9.614047207829593,31.80713874496258,7.3871296695380915,1.8619100748416808,674,20,159,5,9,234,101,193,0.16699999999999998,0.684,0.149,-0.3396,0,1,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,3,2,7,13,2,0,12,1,22,2,0,1,4,30,38,13,2,3,6,0,3,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,9,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,13,5,0,2,3,3,30,8,16,35,3,19,0,1,0,1,16,5,0,2,13,113,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538928539042988,0.0,0.0,0.13287375205713578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744747664674853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141015542974818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333333554266485,0.09734472096327387,0.0,0.13588328245619244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32562644975504645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029859707590156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143674884835195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444752938849728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24223014386614886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583108704290678,0.0,0.0,0.24675011505278005,0.0,0.08343073051863976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35334367038793874,0.0,0.1755214154280475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127928184823901,0.0,0.0,0.14100800662324925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441252443949518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746195966078047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316173402961582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082091643488287,0.12145041679086055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176064791524024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144585198914813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530367785425915,0.0,0.0,0.17875837362850125,0.11302845082100695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060900456593191,0.10232204118201836,0.0,0.0,0.09311573800562246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587449112609255,0.13175986304041726,0.28256551557573834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283425722009797
suicidewatch,rockiestofbottoms,2019/01/30,"Everything is crumbling down. New here but not new to reddit.  Just 8 months ago everything was going well. My husband was working full time and I was taking on periodic consulting jobs remotely while finishing up my Masters.  We had moved, renting a cabin on a lake... everyone, including my 4 kids (ages 10,9,4, and 1), were really happy.  Towards the end of the summer an acquaintance of my husband's through work asked if he could store his RV on our property and he would pay us.  Sounded fine to me... we have acreage so we wouldn't even have to see it really.  Again, it started out okay and then a few months in, he was coming by more and more -- said he was fighting with his girlfriend and needed to get away. Whatever, again I never really saw the guy.  Things were kind of rolling along until right before Christmas when our property was raided by the DEA and SP based on an anonymous tip.  They didn't find anything in our house (because we don't do drugs) but they did in the camper. The cops arrested our tenant and my husband.  My husband was let go on PR but he lost his job. Now it looks like since he can't find a new job that they are going to put him in jail until the trial.  This is probably happening soon like within a week.  Then this morning, I get served with eviction papers -- our landlord's mother wants to live in the house so he is kicking us before our lease is up.

​

I'm at a loss.  I depend on my husband for many things and now I guess I am responsible for picking up myself, 4 kids and 2 cats and do it all alone.   I have no family.   I have friends but they aren't in a position to help me.  Today I have thought about suicide numerous times but I know I can't because what will happen to my kids?  I am a stay at home mom (I am educated - I have a bachelors and almost done with my Masters) and I haven't worked full time since 2015. 

My husband is freaking out and when he freaks out he is sullen, mean and nasty which is completely different than his usual self.  Granted I am having a hard time but I get weepy and mopey.  I am trying to keep a happy face on for the kids but I have never had suicide invade my thoughts like this before... it is startling and scary.

​

I know I need to figure out next steps -- even just the first step (raise money, sell stuff, try to find more remote work, look for an apartment, get my license updated, etc..) but I am panicking inside with every thought.  I have to find a way  to make sure we aren't homeless and I basically have no resources.  

​

I don't know what I am asking for here.  Probably just getting this off my chest for right now. Thanks for listening and reading. I appreciate it. ",2.3291667593313328,4.532689206049149,3.5343111308795727,88.19797805700729,78.48960302457465,6.568679343192854,24.55024278142259,7.6542693500971675,1.278609666777864,2086,75,419,32,51,676,260,529,0.117,0.7879999999999999,0.094,-0.9334,7,1,1,0,2,2,86.0,13,0,4,9,19,18,1,1,25,1,54,3,2,3,4,75,91,37,2,7,13,8,1,3,2,3,1,3,4,6,17,34,0,1,12,1,5,8,14,6,1,1,20,8,65,12,62,66,8,79,0,2,4,0,54,32,0,4,40,286,82,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602644865228661,0.0,0.06807702831184721,0.07041182360499487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098473927135798,0.2478271801946112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559457564749826,0.0,0.12711335495018924,0.0,0.06387402460454737,0.0,0.0,0.08288589318422801,0.0,0.17355035471469693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856294691839317,0.07128084419562457,0.0,0.0,0.054280387832828056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102972076976148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957212728444645,0.0,0.0,0.07884086705475844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602144170806749,0.0,0.07582110259911944,0.0898067327569936,0.0,0.05728018631718153,0.06496245804947541,0.12220083744735105,0.0,0.0640900862564399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485477632358523,0.057827896881966184,0.0,0.0,0.052524942999160815,0.0,0.17759644666964167,0.0,0.11591210738421287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489300052825572,0.06731571125134021,0.12023759450943396,0.14474231955572606,0.06090109118394371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556882623921595,0.0,0.06819436916086598,0.0,0.0,0.15689082754194905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239348387750555,0.06042807741565145,0.0,0.07079578176826233,0.11208812208883727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951913712151593,0.0,0.09964192235127134,0.0,0.06003188698596727,0.0,0.1141803390956634,0.0,0.07421351808287853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045380429570061186,0.06892598895115855,0.0,0.07405545540158713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962305971472501,0.10852975147447087,0.07225715918863633,0.0,0.1008198414184742,0.10486824791469113,0.1969806373133263,0.07230268200446725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659837989405736,0.0,0.0,0.06834357330354986,0.0,0.0,0.06800326907079228,0.0,0.13065854841111604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611741742356865,0.06466918107942092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417514047409108,0.0,0.07092304781875439,0.0,0.0,0.11247557631518347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048120041892478566,0.07246282723644362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782641251396571,0.1487288298389089,0.0,0.06407493672572434,0.0,0.05111616247046615,0.0,0.0,0.06259133552873385,0.0,0.0,0.09033225536437407,0.0,0.0,0.16191718172111827,0.15857010093061782,0.0,0.06444170882396191,0.0,0.0,0.0923145300716191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355485907331224,0.0,0.07487573101579671,0.0,0.04009923857845546,0.053963226481298136,0.05453336305211176,0.0,0.061126564042596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797518429775046,0.0,0.0,0.0482945020606516,0.0,0.2478271801946112,0.0
suicidewatch,Cassarya,2019/01/30,"Depression is that one clingy friend no one asks for. There are good days sometimes. I can smile from time to time. Sometimes these good days even last for weeks. But my depression is always beside me like a friend I never asked for. It always comes back. Looking over my shoulder and judging me for every good laugh I have. At night I cry like a baby for hours because I realise that I hate my job, I have no real friends and no one cares for me and it's actually my fault because I'm a complicated, ugly little shit. Depression has been diagnosed when I was 14, now I am almost 22 and I really don't know how to keep living anymore. Knowing that I will never be able to find happiness that lasts longer than a few hours makes me want to give up. How can someone live with daily thoughts of ending it? ",2.8887857142857136,4.835720450000005,3.8383928571428614,87.89875000000002,75.75,6.571428571428572,23.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,1.0290446428571434,632,20,127,8,14,203,103,160,0.179,0.624,0.197,0.3384,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,17,2,0,4,0,14,3,2,3,2,20,28,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,3,3,1,19,11,17,23,1,21,0,3,1,0,6,4,1,1,18,83,27,1,0.11497194477690882,0.0,0.11219603319984227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512779503105985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133173652970875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402127533554494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149664965894081,0.0,0.0,0.08840632873882387,0.0,0.1401716608099869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722156017850464,0.0,0.0,0.09903815011358658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262912826708196,0.14829478597885398,0.0,0.2970755026989317,0.11669410380813755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183101759117584,0.0,0.0,0.07593788519891241,0.0,0.0968688221738634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050822746336956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26648111800319874,0.0,0.0,0.11029156578713364,0.0,0.2892990374156936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238977310964552,0.0,0.11351099275195052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264484125412241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409191472897355,0.10219234715948143,0.0,0.0,0.12637114814655084,0.18743496018847344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123389695214961,0.11523209288010315,0.20304466724336825,0.0,0.09654747718838667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674466591036909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773469032150433,0.0,0.0,0.10789338175999473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372389583445397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086324371811958,0.07365397184898857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180170491222555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741535571141204,0.0,0.2274203864187571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127488166201146,0.1340821311586073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781343184979459,0.0,0.0922235590992344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snh96,2019/01/30,"1996-2019 I'm only writing this to get it off my chest. You see, life is pretty pointless when you don't conform to societal norms. I don't want friendship, marriage, kids.. I don't feel any affinity towards family, mainly because my father left me before I was even born and my mother has never wanted me around. I've always been above average academically but I have absolutely no ambition for a 'career'. I'm in a job well below my pay grade because it's comfortable. I can get through the day at work without using a single brain cell which is helpful as I have no energy for anything else.



I have tried to change. I've made friends, joined clubs, gone from obese to a 'normal' BMI, travelled.. but if anything that has only made me feel more detached from everything and everyone else. Even my main interests have become a bore to me now. I honestly have nothing going for me in this world, it's all just worthless. I'm not sure if I have the nerve to end my life but I often see people who pass away in tragic circumstances having had a real thirst for life and wish it was me who could take their place instead. It only seems fair. At present though, I do not see how I will make it to the end of the year. I hope I don't. Maybe someone here can convince me otherwise.",3.548833992094864,5.147279407114624,4.641523715415024,84.3161986166008,73.11067193675889,7.4315415019762865,26.483992094861666,8.07648339933343,1.6483013438735181,1002,35,196,15,20,328,154,253,0.098,0.757,0.14400000000000002,0.9334,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,1,1,12,11,0,0,10,0,24,7,3,5,3,33,46,12,0,8,9,2,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,12,4,2,0,3,2,1,4,10,3,1,0,7,5,30,8,27,37,5,26,0,2,3,0,14,13,0,5,9,132,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188229329518383,0.0,0.0,0.08326536404349437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015201315561902,0.10900013162830488,0.0,0.0,0.1150391258637076,0.0,0.0,0.149280098715862,0.13522855231467412,0.10418988116750956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668675969566602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952834242444655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776068451129062,0.0,0.0,0.07896553469527598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457064637353767,0.0,0.21689611538460635,0.0,0.0,0.16174474830735228,0.0,0.0,0.11699942870732133,0.1100437744982447,0.0,0.11542825968955105,0.0,0.12382160850796972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459907319249068,0.0,0.12794271291257658,0.0,0.06958711616631476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207088827813394,0.0,0.0,0.12161341748477406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150567521997585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330345584044579,0.0,0.2594551031253768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317168463988589,0.08173157995570744,0.0,0.12301034059260225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944355052437527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996803525392165,0.11748725539612424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793700063272414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488648302816673,0.0,0.12792675955970473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456843828998712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936681514389931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927133921308904,0.11146740855370328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374546347676797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540097490858485,0.0,0.092061815182553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120299517889917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313068504534125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575134398077056,0.0,0.0,0.14443997798558528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100908630393639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140803280924647,0.11803057671403905,0.0,0.08913988231257555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884920680485705
suicidewatch,deathfrights,2019/01/30,"I’ve lost everything. i dont want to go on anymore. ive lost the only fucking good thing i had. i ruined it. i lost my fucking girlfriend. back in october i ruined the relationship unintentionally and now we’re fucking over. shes with someone else and wants nothing to do with me. i feel overly bad about everything i do thats wrong, especially this. she thinks i cheated. i didnt and she doesnt believe me and i dont know how to convince her but i lost my fucking chance. everything was fucking fine until that fucking night. i fucking want to get rid of it. i lost everything good. i miss her smell and everything we had. now shes happy without me and with someone else. i fucking ruined it. i dont want to leave because she left me, i want to because im the reason everything perfect went down the drain. and the part that sucks is that i didnt cheat, and if i did, the last place to find it would be my suicide note, which im writing now. im not sure what ill do with it. im gonna try to finish this tonight, i dont care how long it takes but ill get everything down. im gonna attempt tomorrow, and if im still here, im just gonna attempt again until im fucking gone. i cant explain how i fucking feel right now. im a sick person and all i do is hurt people, and i dont want to be here if thats all im good for. im done.",0.008522803114573206,1.9605772137931083,2.6252836484983355,92.90259733036707,85.48275862068967,5.397107897664071,23.14794215795328,6.6834051587181325,0.5838531701890997,1032,40,239,12,31,358,123,290,0.197,0.674,0.129,-0.9191,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,0,8,14,34,13,0,7,0,26,13,0,4,4,46,64,21,1,10,8,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,16,16,0,0,7,0,0,3,11,25,0,0,14,3,40,9,25,44,3,27,0,10,0,10,13,9,11,3,15,144,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050314671105732574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03901145063558623,0.04236091879688116,0.06185416705122743,0.0,0.0,0.05716004424463739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051726874914577205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051918677809220604,0.2973003891700251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476378997210464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191762497827946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130544877104797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637011883683461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690292930494723,0.053013027225717206,0.0,0.02883340207429168,0.1276602623145539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540074750312616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431198600550172,0.0,0.6028177914906586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02788217697765643,0.04135512582123868,0.0,0.053720168221560345,0.055122831977744764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489815031359995,0.0,0.0,0.2769117378487239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761058847801771,0.0,0.048680811335033734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858562793280432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494016990185701,0.0,0.03517269044421858,0.04429912662561044,0.05300641695842739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216318393042516,0.0,0.05446951958071608,0.0,0.04332671012490952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597380741170638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051637945068155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549495537040302,0.0,0.047816361599924716,0.0,0.03814578731073541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0337055329849865,0.03250841219568009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034445176042284746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954599315079398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703109055156692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890593637078792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036040103850673286,0.05546985838740447,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_rant_here,2019/01/30,"How could you say it gets better if I was hopeless at age 12? You really expect it to get better, huh? ",0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,80.81818181818181,6.218181818181819,15.545454545454547,7.1686216300943375,-0.0935272727272718,78,1,17,1,2,28,19,22,0.11,0.6629999999999999,0.227,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.728162164852496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286781554743298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301522140184146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26372085390509264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273696928274569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qivesters,2019/01/30,"Feeling worthless of how my future is turning out. Spilling my thoughts out. (I took it down couple of hours ago feeling I might not that important but now I reuploaded because I can’t stop thinking about it all day.)

I just made a post that I got deferred from two of my top school. As karma-whoring as it seems, I feel that no one is really paying attention to my issues even though I obviously know that they are an actual human being, busy with school work and activities. Still, I feel like I am just another number.

I have honestly thought about killing myself all the way back in 9th grade if I didn’t get to attend school.  I was joking about it back then. Now I am actually thinking about it, although not seriously.

Half of me feel like I am depressed but the other half don’t, as if I keep my emotions in check and not make it obvious. I keep pushing the thoughts away from me but it always takes over, and I am left stuck thinking about it for a couple of days. 

I feel numb when I even think something suicidal. No tears, no consideration, even just no emotions. Just numb feeling. I don’t know if that is because I keep playing the same thoughts over and over throughout my life. 

I feel like I am too optimistic over things to the point where I feel like I am controlling the fate. For example, watching my favorite hockey team thinking they are going to win but they didn’t. If I forgot to watch the next game, they ended up winning the game. 

I know this sound childish, but I feel like this is what is happening with me and applying to schools. I thought I was confidently getting into two of my top choice, but I got deferred instead.

I want to be able to attend to the same school for 4 years as a undergrad to get a bachelor in microbiology then continue my study to get a Masters in other countries, like the Netherlands or Canada. But I don’t know if I am thinking too optimistic to even be thinking that far into the future.

I can’t imagine how would my life turn out, if I am just a number among the statistic.

I want to commit because my life just becoming more unexpected and I can’t cope it anymore, but I am afraid of actually doing it because of how my parent implement about suicide. They claim that killing your self is selfish and you should be deserved to be banished into Hell. I dropped the idea of Christianity, although not openly, by I feel like I should be deserved  to be punished like that. That how worthless I feel, but I don’t know if I am actually feeling like that. 

My parent is quite abusive and toxic toward me and my brother who has autism. They ridicule, harass, slap, pull, and beat us up over a little instance, and this continued ever since I could remember. I remember one time when I was really young, my parent would tape my cochlear processor over where the implants would be (which happen to be where my hair was) because I keep taking it off. That is not the only major instance I could remember.

The only “sane” person in the household. Although he is as equally (if not, more) depressed as I am, I still try to help him and chat with him. I can’t imagine how my brother would feel if I disappeared from this world.

I am trying to move as far away as I can to just get out of my household, but close enough so I can visit my brother.

I don’t know if I am even depressed or I am just acting out. I don’t know I am actually being me after I have just spilled my thoughts out.",5.02214362560516,5.7058206656804735,5.762764927380309,81.1107315761162,68.67455621301775,8.453146853146853,31.93168370091447,8.507472789574589,2.409776331360947,2694,112,527,39,44,880,261,676,0.14400000000000002,0.735,0.121,-0.9842,3,0,1,0,0,2,71.0,1,2,6,10,43,30,6,1,25,0,67,6,1,8,6,139,127,56,4,20,37,6,15,9,0,7,5,1,0,3,32,26,0,7,43,7,2,10,22,16,0,6,18,18,102,14,82,90,9,80,2,5,2,0,28,41,1,14,35,407,134,10,0.05153161472578344,0.06105653693805493,0.2514371122378664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567966721469334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042878431563437736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054035391164242816,0.0,0.0,0.0511055148500355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683129670379856,0.07924926173476379,0.0,0.15706597018841106,0.05691261983127754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057797087737105575,0.08228760238576918,0.11403750309420503,0.0,0.06646725678801968,0.0,0.13315231275990758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593226120157235,0.04564171525344912,0.053245933280647965,0.0,0.17018072760073294,0.04661329576009154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647830585998713,0.2576993709962222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461570902629574,0.0,0.0292866041951901,0.0,0.08242907959760604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113847343247836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034540555110873845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050748260251588365,0.0,0.0,0.058172920575707075,0.0,0.05378561743989527,0.0,0.18321466761180044,0.1140241933003312,0.0,0.19824299449597568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598925017903344,0.0,0.1091949103551642,0.2265816959335433,0.05164821579617036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048760459835854336,0.03439775297900667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546668997505074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476995119445102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480445687429357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983831157372458,0.07838423020490355,0.0,0.0,0.17165927939260447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499541831151506,0.0,0.0,0.04871403240573519,0.0,0.049353042253307874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481021541270671,0.0,0.0,0.0660249438714909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512582198914844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076372622050764,0.0,0.046912446654257416,0.05375871278656345,0.0,0.0,0.042627484214181235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039671554622818184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230642817222213,0.043082737343718036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273444518098258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749072217041575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423531504107024,0.23113564572613945,0.05062954982778346,0.2454620757303003,0.030048498952872475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725352005434936,0.06997316754955422,0.11210319829195144,0.1006777995012244,0.0,0.06198618759474709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060789363006733016,0.04090339717009826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375156292589396,0.0,0.0,0.14642632234776196,0.0,0.0,0.033184670353049804
suicidewatch,Imadinator,2019/01/30,The only reason that is making dont want to suicide is because it's a sin in my religion I know life is not to be always happy but since i was in 7th grade and i am fucked up my friends left to another school my family barely care about only if they need something other than that they barely know my and they make fun of me when i tell them about how i feel saying ( you are not a child anymore care about yourself ) every time i go to a job i stay for a couple weeks because when i say an opinion about anything they reply with ( a child will learn me my job ) i don't have a partner the school i wanted to attend didn't accept me because of a 10 fucking marks diffrence a 10 marks that made me enter a stupid school with barely anyone who thinks like me even people in the streets and my teachers blame me beacuse ( i am a boy with long hair ) or ( you look like a child ) so fucking racist all of this because i live in Egypt a stupid country who only cares about sex and how you look like them if you are different then you should kill yourself and i'm not joking my teacher said that to me once that i should kill myself because i asked him to repeat something in class . Help please,5.910301412872844,4.996691885714292,6.0644897959183695,85.15023547880692,66.87755102040815,8.191522762951335,29.45839874411303,6.297961479604792,1.3390565149136575,932,26,197,4,13,297,134,245,0.165,0.6859999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.8328,3,0,2,0,0,2,9.0,0,5,6,0,11,19,7,0,16,0,16,6,1,6,1,34,38,15,3,7,7,0,2,3,2,3,1,3,0,5,10,8,0,0,7,1,0,3,6,8,0,0,4,7,41,11,26,30,1,19,1,0,2,4,26,8,3,4,10,129,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684966340001425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944792902136503,0.0,0.0,0.10351350552651048,0.07298252102966835,0.0,0.08589301942425484,0.0,0.09757799834828493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181349257674785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192565926399834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549068374920445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905129486460156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232855666576667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893973669454895,0.0,0.08794175762314843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839693607839936,0.0,0.052775927360647006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806410750974871,0.2894833569485873,0.0,0.0,0.059319607171698985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111079417320134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996141126549467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715527012082285,0.0,0.2309544086970789,0.0,0.11472526073370065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340544312760267,0.0,0.07372425454594067,0.15297935198740206,0.0,0.09216641904316948,0.09236997536663633,0.17530005315411856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987636293950846,0.13934433508948302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739390029679627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115763509873126,0.0,0.2381492429040929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236156784228773,0.0,0.0,0.11457412452767834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731649257361928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928601517952901,0.16600886749851326,0.0,0.31690396812689064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634137305404374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607083580214239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125153040230136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417102096038882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122971827539192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688028822456547,0.0,0.0,0.060862814346920674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312800452192565,0.0,0.08372458443741927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChaouiZ,2019/01/30,"Advice For A Friend No, it's not for me, it's really for a friend. He called me today and told me that a longtime friend of his killed his own parents and then himself last night. He sounded pretty broken up, and like he was partially blaming himself for not doing anything when he thought there were some signs that his friend wasn't alright. I'm don't think he'd do anything drastic, but I do know that suicides go up among the friends and loved ones of people who kill themselves, let alone in as fucked up a way as this. Does anybody have any advice for me? Should I go be with him? He's about an 8 hour drive away, and I'd have to miss some school and maybe some work to make the trip, so I'd like to know if I'm catastrophizing by being this worried about him. Thanks.",3.1935416666666683,4.397081937500005,3.548750000000002,93.36791666666667,73.375,6.083333333333334,24.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.4172083333333334,610,18,135,3,12,189,98,160,0.16399999999999998,0.675,0.161,-0.1686,1,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,14,3,0,7,1,14,2,0,1,0,21,28,13,3,2,4,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,4,0,1,5,1,14,10,22,18,4,17,0,1,0,2,23,6,1,4,8,84,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698757208980786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301737977557774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390448130512907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272690889388352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973809179989945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100314611625084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084161847880068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334316976892409,0.12766000317926265,0.0,0.0,0.15695702827178354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598872825891792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055475194772958,0.0,0.15177895514670728,0.11256003776423568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412041944994166,0.0,0.13492550844324866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462968664639687,0.0,0.09217472006704143,0.0,0.13872781751703742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958610403528067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357190894404722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333022900827376,0.0,0.0,0.0957327365363202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048499900271752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884626202547452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975228837001796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104570831722935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713275051916892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848112614184983,0.0,0.10962633775973624,0.0,0.0,0.13089114686144812,0.13194886964066355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960771729030826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052960805876238,0.14023492667178347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,themountaingod,2019/01/30,"i cant take this fucking pain, does anyone else have moments of pure intennse gut wrenching pain inside that makes you certain you want to kill yourself. in that moment you break down crying and are 100% sure u want to  die so do reckless things like drink alot or consume harmful stuff.

then moments later you get a bit rational again but you are still depressed.

its either constantly dull or intensely suicidal",7.045200000000001,8.411647120000005,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,64.46666666666667,8.133333333333333,35.0,8.238735603445708,2.9046000000000003,334,15,54,4,5,100,64,75,0.308,0.614,0.078,-0.976,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,5,0,0,3,10,2,0,2,0,5,5,1,1,3,12,11,6,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,11,3,11,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,3,9,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472156978295825,0.2120701083679844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259628400276277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366619444758168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273520632242908,0.0,0.0,0.1782670638955648,0.0,0.21480713148018468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112501374739992,0.0,0.0,0.20275647595448207,0.0,0.0,0.1729008597571566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134483733262347,0.10813577340834504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289869142869759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111741666198212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381572644381162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44047149068156255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529031662164825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23693659041640006,0.22639680219314,0.0,0.19507126884739015,0.0,0.15561926677205715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750483864856067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415816071100765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvenCommission,2019/01/30,"Talking to anyone Hi... I'm new to this site, mainly because I don't know where else to go.... I just want to talk someone... I have recently had a lot of bad stuff happen in my life and it feels like I'm just going down a path that I can't escape from... I just want someone to talk to, because I don't have friends... the ones I did have are gone and I want someone to just have a chat with... I've been thinking of taking my life recently but I'm giving any last chance I have for someone to talk to me... sorry if it seems like I'm desperate or something but... I just don't know where else to go anymore... I just want someone",-0.3228888888888868,1.6436395259259269,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,87.07407407407408,4.488888888888889,20.11111111111111,5.6839178017228535,-0.2362000000000002,476,15,113,3,15,160,70,135,0.064,0.81,0.126,0.6799,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,0,0,23,33,6,0,5,10,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,4,1,14,3,17,29,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,4,6,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859971363747249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541433900428878,0.08842377221451847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558881761069297,0.15417768426010262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112822057111424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394197560606013,0.09034304913821067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977026821621495,0.0,0.0,0.12131195498590752,0.2156103965060111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182816019890138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899821737103515,0.10308177824338237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786448754765648,0.12356393633995165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751176959326618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213585584680565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569256868750785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497279871453526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512443432929365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357457373398541,0.09735508613685012,0.0,0.1415616163640889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476644450225892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950821817223208,0.4065750305376922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103046165267819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983575374341773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway53728272292,2019/01/30,"I hate working so much that it drives me to Suicide, so why should i keep on fighting if there is no alternatives Working 50 years and  retire with 67 then what ?!? 

Living 10 more years with damaged bones or something else and die pointless no thanks you motherfucking piece of shit who started the breeding cycle ",5.0105263157894715,7.495796017543862,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,71.28070175438596,5.963508771929827,30.69824561403509,6.742157984588678,1.7461677192982457,251,11,43,2,5,75,50,57,0.382,0.581,0.037000000000000005,-0.9805,0,0,1,0,2,1,4.0,0,1,0,2,3,5,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,8,6,7,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,5,3,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,2,4,29,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809670976323317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261538171910481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672823107406148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24063049777462145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23905282884346074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901210520971066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778926413331281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841532090888065,0.0,0.0,0.19161869992778627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961263529154082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24924480256187215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24428484737981576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941782461231441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348672684327236
suicidewatch,meowzebong,2019/01/30,"Mental health and marijuana Hello,

This is really hard for me to even publicly post about my battles with suicidal ideations but I wanted to ask about some experiences so that maybe I can use the advice to move forward.

I tend to live by the one step forward rule, the way I see it is to always be finding one thing even if it’s a small task to complete and just get myself moving forward. 

Recently, my ideations have gotten worse. Work isn’t going well. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be fired. My family has all left the state I live in, and post college I don’t feel like I have any friends any more. 

I’ve been smoking weed for the past 6 or so years, sometimes it helps, sometimes I get some paranoia, but I’m starting to get concerned if it’s contributing to my depression. Has anyone else found any improved mental status by not smoking or maybe switching to just cbd? 


TLDR: what is your experience with weed and mental health, did tapering off help with improving your mental health? ",3.876093749999999,5.8348535885416695,4.51604166666667,84.058125,73.01041666666666,7.091666666666668,27.104166666666664,7.8658589789855275,1.6954104166666668,787,29,147,11,16,251,116,192,0.106,0.742,0.152,0.8993,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,1,9,6,1,0,6,0,14,3,0,1,2,25,31,12,1,3,9,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,8,3,2,1,2,4,4,16,4,21,25,4,20,0,1,1,0,8,7,0,6,8,89,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451934197864143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899866498975087,0.0,0.0,0.2182078749921576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478839508347289,0.1095923923006491,0.0,0.0,0.09999246105734533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214473947538707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212384598223282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935072932931286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129115278894194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925334230044965,0.10083166252153787,0.0,0.054081810968686826,0.07641171014059864,0.0,0.0,0.09775881749793372,0.0,0.0,0.11727529776543648,0.0826364518416017,0.0,0.16764538188292644,0.0,0.12157481420928097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581447977589172,0.0,0.0,0.3410780458703645,0.0,0.0,0.14338506240950893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621153894910892,0.0,0.0,0.052254887218801976,0.0,0.18889395607552087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490988745133952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311590708750304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22736151300908955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495671293396142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210470757690288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487479199087635,0.10881601060496636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852083490848201,0.0,0.10560935650153418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523267482405003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115708679577044,0.0,0.07570630823011447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699606018265585,0.0,0.10080782806510792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105897354596492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237845096293504,0.0,0.0,0.06308733733849793,0.08489927473906039,0.0,0.0,0.09616921175581802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786760845849308,0.0,0.10900061434622793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887825071625851
suicidewatch,veryuglyandsad,2019/01/30,"Anyone else feel at ease knowing you’re going to kill yourself? I am going to kill myself fairly soon, I just have to finish sorting out shit for the aftermath such as my debts and personal items. I don’t want any burdens I have to be put onto a family member so I am making sure everything is straight. I have also been writing down my thoughts for them to see and hopefully understand why I had to kill myself. 

I feel very much more at ease knowing I will end it all. I’m less stressed, I feel at ease and more comfortable. I feel great knowing that there is indeed an exit button and I am going to soon be out of it. Any inconvenience  I have now, I brush off because it really won’t matter soon! 

Does anyone else feel this way?",3.035653153153156,4.644243060810815,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,74.47297297297297,7.365765765765767,24.495495495495497,8.07648339933343,1.4224711711711708,575,18,114,9,12,192,91,148,0.152,0.688,0.159,-0.6322,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,9,10,4,1,3,0,16,1,1,1,2,25,34,7,3,2,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,10,0,1,4,2,6,0,0,3,7,19,4,19,27,6,22,0,0,1,0,3,10,1,2,7,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139827119864593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945774327664847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948037928004167,0.28545890921191114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491607207784811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121902490768781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273478383118845,0.0,0.12337857708991093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519398322207165,0.0,0.13131977408823872,0.0,0.3521716800600099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375024382847825,0.0,0.0,0.15357889552767096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835646966481005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623448958403256,0.0,0.2296671409020299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929839247730589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024016305827915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163150871987727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003511511428707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923923632219527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110041759000033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429895913592026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956783910572808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128873289189594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058875075490583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501635786144418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493720374552888,0.08216283139584693,0.11056996681580332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569670911225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wanton319,2019/01/30,"I can't do it anymore I'm in constant pain. I'm miserable all of the time. Everything I cared for, gone. When I'm with friends, I feel alone. When I'm home, I'm alone. I can't keep being in pain",-2.620380952380952,-0.9344297999999966,0.5526984126984118,102.55,102.55555555555556,4.34920634920635,17.539682539682538,6.18269132825596,-0.4056984126984129,149,5,40,2,7,52,27,45,0.29600000000000004,0.578,0.126,-0.7845,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,13,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,2,5,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5210004020645432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494415333612863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25644271762335963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718051593350673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226051116783522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271767213219548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943247243140479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252296361124417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356367878042294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5352727711174735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666408656685914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emergencypost,2019/01/30,"My mother told me she wants to kill herself I'm a 23 year old woman and my mother, who will (hopefully) turn 60 years old this summer told me she wants to leave everything settled, be sure my sister and I are happy and kill herself. She has threatened to commit suicide multiple times over the past 12/13 years, but this time she wasn't being manipulative (at least not on purpose) nor she was hysterical. It sounded like she was serious and just wanted my approval.

​

She has been prone  to depression for as long as I can remember, but it's for the past 14 years (ever since we moved back to our hometown) that she has come to truly be unhappy and despise her life. She decided to move back so she could spend the last days of my grandma's life with her and to recover her relationship with my older sister (it's too much of a long story to explain why we weren't in the same city to begin with). My mother has always had a very bad temper and many paranoid tendencies (she has never been properly diagnosed with anything other than depression, but I wouldn't be surprised if she had a personality disorder), which have only gotten worse and worse with her prescribed meds and alcohol abuse (she takes medication for epilepsy, anxiety and depression). This has caused her not to be able to mantain a tight relationship with anyone and now I'm the only person that hasn't given up on her.

​

However, I don't want to blame everything on my mother, because, in my opinion, our family has been cruel and hasn't very little to none understanding to her situation. They won't pick up the phone when she calls and my aunt literally shut the door on my mother's crying face just this afternoon, right after I told my aunt how worried I was my mother was going to commit suicide. This is how little she can rely on them.

​

When she realised how much her suicide would hurt me, she has seemed to dismiss the idea, so I'm not overly worried about her offing herself, but I don't want her to lead an unhappy life, neither. She has suggested wanting to move to another city but has said she would need me to go with her, and that's something I just can't do on the long run. I've told her I could help her settle and stay for a few months, but that it's just healthier for me not to live in her same city. There's also the option of staying in rehab center for her alcohol abuse, which would hopefully help her get her life together a little bit.

​

My mother's life is utterly broken and has been for years. Her whole family has turned her back on her, she has no friends, she has no job (she receives income from other sources so she's well off financially, but she doesn't have any occupation, I mean), she has stated multiple times her wish to retake her university studies but it's emotionally unable to, her whole house is a stinking mess (I come by and clean up sometimes, but it's helpless) and basically spends her days drinking and watching tv. 

​

I really want her to be happy and satisfied with her life, but I don't know what to do that would work and that wouldn't fuck me up emotionally too much.

​

**PS: If you think my mother should kill herself and that I'm just being selfish, please, don't say it, I can't handle that. I just want positive suggestions or understanding.**

​

​",6.776123192960405,6.8326734558139535,7.10663314477268,75.16061596480203,64.82945736434108,10.135763670647393,32.62623088204484,9.836113211274913,3.056152315105803,2669,98,490,51,37,869,276,645,0.182,0.7240000000000001,0.093,-0.9969,3,0,4,0,2,5,103.0,4,1,2,3,25,26,7,0,19,0,64,14,1,7,5,105,104,47,6,23,23,12,1,1,1,9,11,3,2,3,26,34,3,1,10,2,2,10,24,17,1,0,19,6,98,9,71,67,12,70,0,5,1,1,95,25,1,8,33,356,124,3,0.04304258902262044,0.10199685923112467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199887515597237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03442114289053047,0.035814882136735685,0.373093017784044,0.4184116552690012,0.029270436528651564,0.04513390754269014,0.032927462789557674,0.0,0.0,0.03009637903465929,0.0,0.035420383299350024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929128229380337,0.035938763943743485,0.02623836276132195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699135927988241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395129584204916,0.0,0.0,0.04421659555305624,0.0,0.07415475838338358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687320098544344,0.0,0.047280262917074975,0.05551781819008805,0.0,0.11121755656277836,0.04368732181857867,0.0,0.0,0.049330536054955236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042165350757385485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968342385527004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03893448600568713,0.0,0.0,0.07736780722273871,0.0,0.08115344447640566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033254597507118004,0.03979217997237334,0.022487976246971433,0.0,0.048924190516816936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163927277654024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770108024605131,0.0,0.0,0.08550200574781737,0.0,0.04966536872347998,0.04607798177671577,0.04858984384459597,0.0,0.0,0.04271312802451055,0.0,0.14286074239023486,0.0,0.023655081265882515,0.03508545487126531,0.0,0.0455758869157246,0.0,0.0,0.18241352128357,0.02102843483130148,0.1294199456835889,0.03800739468376068,0.11427401044119817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363842946745247,0.0,0.04688599781299056,0.04781061314702398,0.043360880130259516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03435618390760309,0.13724238096922325,0.094923766426182,0.031915534369607895,0.033197098145688976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033191327285564,0.0,0.0,0.06547165705009532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217804318511443,0.0,0.07516625700899726,0.0,0.04724783729994059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027574184696372902,0.0,0.0,0.09242326474205732,0.048758862711359915,0.03675813584460702,0.04094335881421963,0.03422919439381067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039184356479605914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0356052744293537,0.04838167347521051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313628790025152,0.042570221139523086,0.0,0.0,0.09175534579882404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124481888756868,0.0,0.04056713076570232,0.0,0.03236267022871327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02757995306212472,0.0,0.0,0.07529543939526538,0.0,0.0,0.16451615344297346,0.0,0.0,0.09363595373205984,0.0,0.08961770630195824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102928745649968,0.20310107360455248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038700456738469564,0.0,0.03883924174646251,0.09611102700857004,0.049496853159471436,0.0,0.0,0.031335517443228766,0.08742367697892482,0.08772815089061173,0.12230488115783845,0.0,0.4184116552690012,0.13859008061926628
suicidewatch,allbanana,2019/01/30,"Why can’t I just jump in front of the train Every day after school I take the train home, even if I am not near the end where the train comes from I always go to the edge and look at the brown rusty metal. I see cigars and wish I hade on right now.
I think that with just on step I could finally be free, Jumping from a world that doesn’t need me.
I look at how many minutes until the train gets here, like I’m actually gonna do it 

But no, of corse not. I’m a coward and a perfectionist, I want my death to be perfect. Will I even die if I jump in front of a train? Or will I lay there suffering while having guilt about making the people in the train late. 

The train finally comes and I first look down on the rail, and the right at the front of the train. I follow that train as it swoosh’s past me 
As it dose that I my heart drops into sadness bc I missed yet agin on a possibility to finely be die

I go home, wake up the next day and do this. Just passing meaningless time  ",3.4976669085631364,3.3249170613207566,4.518113207547174,91.71571117561686,71.78301886792453,7.843831640058055,21.96806966618287,7.321109707123232,0.3249008708272849,755,12,188,7,13,247,118,212,0.127,0.7859999999999999,0.087,-0.8631,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,1,20,0,12,4,2,2,1,27,32,15,3,6,9,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,8,10,1,0,1,0,1,13,5,4,0,1,0,5,22,5,29,25,0,47,0,3,5,0,0,18,0,3,16,117,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.1393639825016809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883108529446668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460399111409605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140238196832558,0.0,0.0,0.18420394526280431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29643276961486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648910793866586,0.0,0.0,0.18865205484093284,0.0,0.12032533106006207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128872910658188,0.0,0.12147587646275818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461341386805312,0.0,0.16232678454924826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692329942918233,0.0,0.0,0.28650430710111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109823896521486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977076522288604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359778519909811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532816777915334,0.14478902692924095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589334267285762,0.0,0.0,0.1518822599588568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363302833411579,0.09900790980275488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099915456428912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439214603102535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453344239687374,0.11380273235625064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737690582430703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915082099734488,0.0,0.0,0.08327486831594373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423426087498241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886568301762827,0.0,0.16422683612765152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dream_seer,2019/01/30,"I can't stop the intrusive thoughts that tell me to kill myself. I'm so done with these thoughts and living with trauma that keeps taking me down. I feel like there's no way of improving things, my life just remains as chaos no matter what I try to do, it's just balancing between being on sickleave and surviving. I want to end everything. ",4.3911940298507455,5.861629910447763,4.782268656716422,84.64295522388062,70.7910447761194,8.345074626865673,28.32537313432836,8.841846274778883,2.158614328358209,272,10,53,5,5,86,53,67,0.207,0.637,0.156,-0.779,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,11,4,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,8,1,10,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990867558900057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24225991635278646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582455575856504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383012898438345,0.19540466345952687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431195333247481,0.302612329288443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319716405555126,0.13362936953403382,0.0,0.24152554528984824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286772152882547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205655021583608,0.0,0.2390708859241098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171632052181053,0.0,0.0,0.4342929240936017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857039511263053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133076852361955,0.2171095788566792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unemployedwriter,2019/01/30,"Only option left is suicide So I’m not really sure what the point in posting is but I have no one I can talk to about this and it feels like I need to just get it out there. I’ve realized that my only way out is suicide. I don’t have any money, a car, a phone, or any hope. 

It looks like it’s the end of the road for me and I’m feeling a little sadness about it. I really hoped I would figure it out before it came to this but I’ve dug myself into such a big hole there’s no way out. 

I tried writing a suicide letter but it just feels cliched. No one really cares enough to need one anyway. I’m sure they’ll pretend when I’m gone but I have no one to reach out to which is why I’m posting this on reddit. 

Hopefully this time works and I never have to try again. ",-0.6791228070175421,1.1989256491228062,1.928187134502924,97.26842105263157,87.83040935672514,4.769590643274853,16.017543859649123,6.05967700443912,-0.6479192982456143,590,12,144,5,19,203,92,171,0.191,0.6759999999999999,0.133,-0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,0,8,0,12,0,0,0,3,34,30,10,3,6,8,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,15,10,0,0,5,1,1,3,7,1,0,4,2,4,13,8,19,26,1,25,0,1,1,0,5,13,0,5,7,94,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893966890737191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569703399569018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142067817472516,0.1266445338511418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001680693196177,0.1283463500247503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841911446505893,0.08873856417140825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489673049189773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701178284737881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349589622784069,0.0,0.0,0.12136945120592565,0.12449514121181444,0.0,0.0,0.10430854379013056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420633406425652,0.0958015566991715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33668270345208023,0.18894081155969794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742245593309715,0.0,0.2379255070032368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872416260871684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076101310342645,0.0,0.2341406023573074,0.0,0.0,0.09983857303362163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243022944111649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866641452821754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971907113628463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208388769395354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042933023425127,0.0,0.0,0.08823811915281575,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crazycatlaady,2019/01/30,I just need someone to listen I don’t plan on killing myself but I know that EVERYONE in my life would be happier and better if I was dead. I’m so depressed I just can’t take it anymore:/ I think about killing myself all the time but I know I won’t do it. My life is a fucking mess and I just want to know when this pain will end...,-0.8975375375375378,1.1007640810810813,1.3301801801801822,100.17052552552552,90.62162162162159,4.3699699699699694,19.033033033033032,5.82211442006289,-0.4032174174174172,258,8,64,2,9,86,50,74,0.32,0.57,0.111,-0.971,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,3,0,2,0,9,4,0,0,1,16,19,7,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,13,1,5,14,1,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,3,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261064405673696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016400752433048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636886273298765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193291873938785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217855779369916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107745944525573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044779327897856,0.0,0.3758947233366138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220744712311224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905290984713894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425991762059704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317657403578525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714213369962311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608783498983527,0.0,0.0,0.13294375690301075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447537446930333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619587174132526,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brikknib,2019/01/30,"Suicidal About a month ago I got into a really dark place, still here, And I’m realising  that I’ve been suicidal for way longer than just that period of time. I just now, one month ago, thought of it as depression before that I just figured everyone felt suicidal every once in a while. But not every day. It wasn’t really like “I want to die” thoughts but I just kinda thought what if, and that I kinda wanted to know, kinda wanted to die. Also anxiety is bad. Idk if this is really relevant but I just figured I’d share. Also hurting myself is now a thing. ",1.2130494505494482,3.6543781071428576,3.7842857142857165,83.27609890109893,84.89285714285714,7.731868131868132,21.115384615384613,8.617729084823388,1.7782601648351646,436,14,85,12,13,152,68,112,0.252,0.698,0.05,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,27,15,11,5,5,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,1,8,2,11,8,0,15,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,5,12,58,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489307389071876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457233151381906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741359043484576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723683952387888,0.0,0.0,0.11947892954706668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055310794850427,0.0,0.12093529289060098,0.0,0.29144770540187576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366036770141096,0.13416817778201168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481602683072694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229904322218473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031226348232468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716589726440412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859744101423991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414852251087095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953251960948735,0.09514573750268923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466990087842121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698515400789049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213194639436998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607586446607317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328244697843056,0.0,0.0,0.33441057920832035,0.08187444768626047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845311886536398,0.11145125941385517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,high_in_school,2019/01/30,"Life is precious. It's the craziest thing with can experience because without it contains all that exists. It's full of pain and misery to the point milliona across the world wonder what's the point. It's about the finer things the simple pleasures, draining every last drip of enjoyment out of, because once you're gone everything left in this world is gone with it.",7.78014705882353,8.31281848529412,6.831176470588236,76.36529411764708,62.67647058823529,9.15294117647059,34.64705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.9900470588235297,299,12,50,4,4,91,48,68,0.109,0.7559999999999999,0.135,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,11,4,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,1,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046393324487724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052795658993909,0.0,0.22456886277317556,0.24442278554810395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036790490296828,0.0,0.0,0.2714866845184164,0.0,0.1764919997071778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661055499594206,0.0,0.0,0.2658814501642393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47241965573985295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33200773877926165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408677138347031,0.27097555052908723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SparksAndMeat,2019/01/30,"I'm tired of trying my best just to be shat on At work.  At home.  The harder I try the worse it seems to make things for me.  I just spent my whole day having someone crying on my shoulder, giving them my own money, letting them dump everything on me.  Later on I found out she's going around making up shit about me, telling people I'm a thief and a horrible friend.  Who do you think people believe?

All day, every day, I just try to be nice to people.  To my face, people are grateful, and they act like I'm their friend.  But it's not genuine.  Nobody genuinely likes me.  Nobody really cares about me.

I can't talk to anybody.  I'm the first person people go to when they want to talk about what's shitty, but when I try to open up to someone I get pushed away.  All day, every day, I'm just treated like I'm not even there.

Every minute of every day feels like a cosmic joke, a message from the universe that just says it's time to fucking kill myself.

There's no way for me to win.  Nothing helps anymore.",2.304858597285069,3.773909067307692,3.5913800904977404,91.10656108597288,76.11538461538461,5.663348416289593,20.88914027149321,5.900188976854957,0.05554886877828037,778,18,166,4,17,254,117,208,0.127,0.72,0.152,0.5546,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,5,4,15,17,4,0,8,0,7,5,3,2,2,23,27,6,1,1,9,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,1,1,7,5,0,0,4,1,2,4,4,5,0,1,2,2,26,12,31,22,5,28,0,0,0,1,18,12,2,1,15,102,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505188329917696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429817248358284,0.0,0.0,0.09952262599139396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193443217534873,0.11116465843863553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800042030560283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635668036333935,0.40988788727406505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996429245705488,0.0,0.3569948563508159,0.0,0.09520104859841584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053560262826541236,0.07567481940509663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010210627690884,0.0,0.11614433131713195,0.16367906327144485,0.09792851562874433,0.055342887343425566,0.101615568356492,0.12040238456340135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710011507612038,0.0,0.10625418922221376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719338199623745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831832072307676,0.0,0.207003829441347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141521682378727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164055133204583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671848876940333,0.09249204214710396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786004131624312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423801361174058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643266261309356,0.0,0.0,0.1087333327505722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795045100070518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702814566480486,0.0925855391423178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037370293516514,0.06787423725866375,0.0,0.0,0.061767334006427824,0.12174838796757377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28767200772988283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062478942704655926,0.08408053257387473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182645712931276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711667749302742,0.0,0.10794944636781244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Irate-Swami,2019/01/30,"Maybe I'm weak, but I just want to die. I have so much problems. 

I graduated from school and haven't found any decent work in months. I still live with my family who thinks I'm just pathetic. 

I've been trying to get into freelance writing, or anything else so I can start a career, all of that's failing before it really started. 

I'm a closeted bisexual, with parents who'd kick me out and leave me in the streets if they knew, which doesn't really matter since it's not like I can get any guy or girl to be into me...

I feel trapped, alone and pathetic. 

Maybe I'm weak, but I just want to die. Get this whole thing over with since it's what I deserve. ",1.7775304136253034,3.4531872335766463,3.5048357664233585,90.26898114355231,78.12408759124088,6.9024330900243305,22.36557177615572,7.793537801064563,0.8628447688564473,509,15,114,8,12,170,86,137,0.312,0.65,0.037000000000000005,-0.9927,1,2,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,6,5,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,28,23,10,2,4,9,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,10,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,14,1,15,18,3,11,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,3,5,67,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699417444822483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316576338814187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502731451856811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396235675852049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405869850608378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707129305562404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468397926374025,0.0,0.08296590096031556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179909854445005,0.0,0.0,0.2571816642346968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246915383547253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737414743658397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016325119359909,0.0,0.14488935347262832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296892636972533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097044182000195,0.0,0.12062076569670528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821960844228689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700641794765632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102330784014161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606196895968214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714642892630976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322792805265897,0.0,0.13103785291018508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901025050676773,0.1051385289948344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140240003894064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935622231476812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319414788527894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945525077043907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reilluminated,2019/01/30,"I fantasize about death every day. Driving to school in the morning, I get really excited thinking there's a chance I could die in a sudden and tragic accident. At home, I hope that maybe the electric shorts out and my cabin burns down while I'm sleeping. Sometimes I hope for a school shooter to show up and take me out. That way I could leave guilt free, and my friends and family wouldn't have to have the burden of a suicide. But I'm getting impatient..have been brainstorming and planning ways I could end it myself. Therapy hasn't worked, I'm always financially poor, I keep disappointing those who love me. I wish other people were a reason enough to stay.",6.126318897637797,6.827093157480316,6.303612204724412,78.1439222440945,66.24409448818898,9.4996062992126,30.83562992125984,9.516144504307137,2.7457566929133854,529,19,97,10,8,169,88,127,0.217,0.617,0.16699999999999998,-0.7968,0,0,0,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,0,1,8,0,9,2,1,1,0,19,21,8,3,7,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,2,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,14,7,14,15,1,16,0,2,0,1,3,8,0,2,4,61,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336462716117045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847189900983429,0.0,0.0,0.10358472465153283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669516374602258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422590531223593,0.1659603721958912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532681147169598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514154819958822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409235227429626,0.0,0.1678315829730233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111202026756674,0.31905798935458474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276383450889746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700702891727685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449631794112989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136143836354286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135165493453808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289540988389363,0.16514110191596942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32510610589275984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073306886183344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885439229597248,0.0,0.0,0.17119642917765562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568900880110067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207640499542587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367962104374255,0.0,0.0,0.10291693503014653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549807130864233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847017074081121,0.0,0.0,0.11693114218057167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MundaneEmploy,2019/01/30,"18, suicidal due to tinnitus and other issues I'm 18. I've had tinnitus for about a year now. Around the same time I also developed polyopia which means I see multiple images of everything I look at. I've done all I can in terms of searching for medical help and nothing has worked in treating either of these conditions. The tinnitus is worse than the polyopia, because I can at least close my eyes and forget about the polyopia, but I cannot do so with the tinnitus. I also think I might have hyperacusis because I've noticed that some sounds cause a weird echo/reverberation effect in my ears.

These conditions have stripped everything in my life away from me. I can't engage in any of my hobbies properly anymore. For instance, I used to like gaming, but now I cannot immerse myself in a game without being constantly distracted by the tinnitus and the polyopia straining my eyes. I used to do programming but, once again, the tinnitus makes it impossible to focus and my polyopia makes it impossible to look at so much code for long enough. I had a university place to do a computer science degree, but pursuing that is untenable now. Every activity is affected by this, whether it be reading, writing, or anything else.

The worst thing is that I can't simply relax or sleep properly anymore due to the tinnitus. I have tried everything I can think of to help it but nothing is particularly effective. Every waking moment is torturous and I just don't feel like anything approximating a normal person anymore. I have stopped talking to the few friends I had over the internet because I can't engage in any of the activities we used to engage in anymore (I've tried) like playing games or just talking and having a good time. The tinnitus is loud and reactive so it gets worse the louder that any background noise is.

Even before the tinnitus and polyopia started, I've had many other life issues that made me think about suicide. However, I managed to start pulling myself out of the hole that I was in and start making progress. I was finally starting to make some friends, overcome anxiety issues, and feel productive by learning useful skills like programming. But then these health issues hit and I feel like every bit of progress that I made is gone, and every bit of willpower I used has gone to nothing.

I simply do not want to live like this anymore. I feel bad about the potential damage I may do to my family members if I were to kill myself, but I cannot live just for the sake of others. My health problems are chronic and largely invisible to others, so they cannot comprehend properly what I'm going through. There are some things in the immediate future that I have to do, but after that I believe I have most things already in place to die when I need to. It is just a matter of making that final definitive decision to go through with it and deciding on a date. I have decided to post here because this is almost all I'm thinking about at this point, so i would like to hear what others have to say, although I don't really expect much of anything.",8.197321839080459,7.587222479310345,8.40896551724138,69.20925287356323,62.13793103448275,11.595402298850574,39.16091954022989,10.93419730881044,4.412602298850574,2458,115,423,56,30,809,248,580,0.129,0.777,0.094,-0.9734,2,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,1,0,1,6,25,25,2,2,29,0,55,11,5,16,2,90,95,38,4,7,20,0,4,7,2,3,6,5,0,1,35,21,0,1,15,6,0,5,11,9,0,0,12,14,53,16,77,77,17,55,0,1,5,0,15,24,0,11,32,313,88,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411129764505527,0.0,0.07065263797517413,0.10240075375555396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061658525489891,0.0,0.04897857429708224,0.0,0.3174755461499881,0.0,0.0,0.15806014749565078,0.05699538717437881,0.0,0.0,0.06015313395366105,0.0,0.053457790878505364,0.1561149862232026,0.0,0.054480141703358034,0.07213369725259391,0.0,0.0,0.13979636369313614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657708073136507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918774932424916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644733238574015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551930174890723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053484261993060674,0.0,0.0,0.0661544328362355,0.0,0.04228758449868745,0.0,0.21577364142999567,0.0,0.17262330164091644,0.0,0.06035660924066553,0.0,0.12949086229605028,0.09147824433385668,0.0,0.14027144067598435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893035398029372,0.0,0.0334501635441103,0.0,0.07277320805028581,0.053700720696746036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611011872234807,0.07216027503075009,0.0,0.08582855787933283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26729981407058606,0.0,0.0,0.07083363341228392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044480855873993,0.2189539883540663,0.0,0.1130696292182862,0.05665967591035441,0.10752892549073713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211630773104454,0.21368428525546765,0.06491080328720085,0.0,0.0697414599494941,0.0,0.06449795730147485,0.0,0.06791988655450139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941307620364857,0.04747336232200237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273042532795634,0.18429972999092326,0.0728923280785731,0.0,0.06818401276666812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590373189513225,0.13378397038881498,0.0,0.06052385574653205,0.0,0.06131778180695298,0.0,0.0,0.061262808607902675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404183514390607,0.0,0.04101574003634037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091485947341793,0.0,0.0,0.05101924455319826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407074693729464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126750858332305,0.0,0.0,0.053527356520991484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006484293827046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292095058324062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760511704665622,0.1640972812022074,0.0,0.0,0.07466641237481954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693687813859848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764830970548006,0.0,0.0,0.03776331434543613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171734215121786,0.0,0.046610605227604116,0.0,0.1304928892882727,0.0454811743845074,0.0,0.0,0.04122968480038505
suicidewatch,trippabomb,2019/01/30,"I have decided A few months have passed since my last post here, and I have to say I haven't gotten any better - not that I expect any of you to genuinely care, of course, it's only natural. We're all nameless faces and faceless names. I've tried to get my life back into my own hands, I'm attending a technical course in my city, I've been going out with my (few) friends more, and I'm only spiraling further and further down. My ability to fuck things up greatly surpasses imagination. I've been stuck between wanting to die and the fear of fucking up even my suicide. I'll give myself one week to piss off everyone I know as much as I can, so (I hope) I will be missed a little less, while I try to overcome that fear.",7.058523166023164,5.1670686554054095,7.644903474903476,77.91013513513515,65.14864864864866,11.159845559845559,35.332046332046325,9.957137785484203,3.1785992277992277,563,21,119,10,7,188,98,148,0.18,0.748,0.07200000000000001,-0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,1,4,11,3,2,4,0,9,6,3,0,1,17,23,9,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,4,2,18,5,21,17,7,19,0,1,0,2,5,10,3,1,5,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23815016331084296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464230977255842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548631216288654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852773486617685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172779928772906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565294485455595,0.0,0.0,0.167317067390525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940759264292804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528304949269146,0.32375718584309515,0.09148335062417537,0.1679733948672656,0.0995142654434432,0.0,0.0,0.1930501145978853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739153822690307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623125130175,0.1427311615125402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367942719629077,0.0,0.17549778807283026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976441383653596,0.0,0.1287198117364792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865336502910333,0.2663452901265973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676989149887088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924780771385606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484583979090726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915327128332977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632971189935708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377649632246708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327945100892548,0.0,0.1404559287746322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jpavon__,2019/01/30,"I dont go to school no more. No job. No money. No friends. Please help me. Hi Reddit i am new here and i please need to seek someone to talk to me about my serious problem that has been going on in my life that i been dealing with for the past 5 years. I dont want to deal with no mean comments. Currently i am 20 years old and in the year 2015 i dropped out of high school as a sophomore because my frustration with school got the best of me. It was a really stupid idea i understand and i really regret it from the negative outcome and the anxiety it has give me. I am extremely anti social to the point were my mind with the real world is gone and i get really scared with anxiety to step out of my house which is my comfort zone and meet people or even step out to go to stores. I use to work full time labor work which was my first job and it felt amazing to actually go out all day and work but i never went back because i never got called back in. I never have had a real job were i apply and i am scared my anxiety always holds me back to step outside my house. Money is a serious problem with me i always end up wasting it all instead of saving it for something useful in my future. My all day routine is to be on my phone, Tv, eat, shower, and sleep and do the same thing over and over again everyday. I basically only go out somewhere like the nearby stores for only two times a week or just be in my friends house and stay inside there for the weekends for sleepovers. I know i will be judged because im not independent but i just cant help myself no more but tell the world how really serious depressed i am. My family is somehow supportive of me but i know they cant do much for me because i am already grown but they still tend to let me be me on my own. I dont have nothing going on in my life right now guys. I dont have no girl friends or guy friends. I only have one friend who is supportive. I am really scared i will be the same for the next five years till i am 25 and i dont want that. I have no motivation or strengths. I take my vitamins to give me a boost in my life which somehow it helps but i know that i need real medication for my anxiety. I am thinking about applying to Goodwill to finish school and get my GED but my anxiety really turns me over. I get suicide thoughts sometimes and i dont want it to get worse as i am beginning to be in my early 20s. I am scared really scared and alone guys. Hopefully someone has a understanding point ",1.9785524475524487,3.5415648692307724,3.9052447552447553,88.11339160839161,77.23076923076924,7.342657342657343,24.125874125874127,8.150884317080207,1.296192307692308,1932,64,424,34,44,656,210,520,0.163,0.728,0.11,-0.9656,5,1,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,7,17,28,2,5,20,0,51,7,1,5,6,82,90,32,1,9,14,0,1,1,5,2,5,0,1,4,17,28,1,1,11,2,4,12,21,14,0,4,13,1,78,14,65,68,11,74,0,2,0,0,27,28,0,7,33,302,95,12,0.0,0.0,0.05345392577821398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673189540982473,0.060447188446812974,0.0,0.09115680966419606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095192193271156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263591554875789,0.0,0.13356489243786487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748451793083133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559328925650572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706525735084628,0.11294425517556107,0.04717888686702882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851856364180895,0.0,0.0,0.05604999607320648,0.0,0.0,0.048515687239523264,0.0,0.0,0.03617933685718672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163837384335358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259399407469017,0.0,0.0,0.046592831000688784,0.0,0.0,0.21160079515565994,0.0,0.1144737633172608,0.10509314818728786,0.186784355699802,0.0,0.08761948193647284,0.0,0.0,0.1627119293873005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101465244809376,0.05787434004382875,0.0,0.054405386803341664,0.0,0.18961404981078994,0.0,0.061835958723031374,0.059167979163722136,0.0,0.16307156058594355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031113374794754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601264410199608,0.1160707061406634,0.026761012700454088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966762590809745,0.0,0.05518152316983093,0.0,0.0,0.0553086120879711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0402670025814244,0.08123210571387969,0.12674095417305292,0.052903448794394,0.05825538927010938,0.0,0.0,0.052559493076406616,0.0,0.05747868297722451,0.0,0.03711794860066254,0.12497990410793708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229033152057951,0.03797510208197969,0.0,0.0,0.12025621347439512,0.10356292471694736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482735373601038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870428191791328,0.2456384314614451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677879966217455,0.0,0.0,0.274203973854978,0.22174681761147494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054816021383484216,0.05583770533310831,0.09282383780148573,0.0421695969509135,0.05417532202064553,0.0,0.0,0.0583844207606419,0.04374455369207509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991655937063424,0.12431936097776015,0.0,0.0,0.04118508276812162,0.044027245643795364,0.04787704257554305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036391047703966235,0.0350985453788891,0.0,0.04348639261680496,0.06388119154240314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958106171822245,0.0535086445091009,0.11404845846930953,0.0,0.09461855267684403,0.0,0.0,0.09692573033508964,0.0,0.04393837413406998,0.0,0.0,0.050778329498423536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963375120415165,0.0,0.05582189494855788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109698367425655
suicidewatch,mistamike,2019/01/30,This I cannot keep going on like this. My end is here. Fuck living if it is like this. I just dont care anymore. Whenever you find this just know I wanted this I'm tired of this feeling eating me up inside I'm tired of pretending I'm ok I'm sorry,-2.397321428571427,-0.819760374999996,0.9225714285714304,98.42242857142858,108.10714285714286,3.6685714285714286,12.742857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-1.0072514285714282,193,4,46,2,10,68,37,56,0.219,0.613,0.16699999999999998,-0.6283,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,8,15,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,4,15,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,3,25,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906947322770025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577954035625535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28252374851028383,0.0,0.0,0.24666737537534986,0.0,0.0,0.2135100459288924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188856989276566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203269869444674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285862861363798,0.0,0.0,0.1370015165313884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426764901044187,0.0,0.0,0.13248178346395614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355421669106205,0.0,0.2128628253662119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698500133407169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541323403948453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142185056099254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Austinx88,2019/01/30,No reason to live Bit of a rant here.  I just live everyday the same doing the same fucking shit. I’ve tried playing video games but I’ve started losing interest in that. It just doesn’t seem like living is worth any more. ,1.4913333333333334,3.9084710222222254,2.6044444444444466,92.42000000000004,83.22222222222223,5.377777777777778,20.11111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.3149111111111109,176,5,36,2,5,56,38,45,0.175,0.614,0.211,0.4317,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,6,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606437764789132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826573637992172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393536357146892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264879766264592,0.0,0.6858539623552079,0.0,0.0,0.2896486332198374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26619761087895155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356975212980452,0.0,0.0,0.2657624120015292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832543950538026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577959928579004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dell0101,2019/01/30,"Not a single thing is going for me. It's futile to continue I have social anxiety. Because of that I'm unemployed. Everyday my sanity is going down the drain. Don't suggest drugs or doctors please, they make things worse. 

Also I'm a victim of unrequited love. I know I'll never be able to find love again. Or be able to talk to anyone. Things won't get better.",0.9493911719939164,3.4264859178082183,3.5760730593607306,83.87071537290716,87.08219178082192,6.5321156773211575,19.07001522070015,7.793537801064563,1.0740544901065443,284,8,54,6,9,99,55,73,0.157,0.706,0.13699999999999998,0.1265,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,7,4,0,1,1,7,16,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,8,13,1,7,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,4,35,10,2,0.4068778534724392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162690036210495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563022211637864,0.0,0.0,0.1422492277646172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401448148654967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799251984091634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082283619599566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592456742943965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593949342999425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628844258762353,0.0,0.2312380606322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180471374665966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672231483308795,0.0,0.13579706332558214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690464191098402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233148499932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073803661394203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351650318099165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054673496353825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732164661795516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrilliantPath,2019/01/30,"Anyone else feeling like they never truly connect with anyone? Like you're so distanced and can never truly be there, not just in relationships but with everything as whole. Feel really truly alone. Even if i have friends I still feel alone. ",5.304302325581396,8.111331465116287,5.067616279069767,77.87723837209303,71.55813953488372,7.090697674418602,24.703488372093023,8.07648339933343,1.8007720930232565,195,6,30,3,4,60,34,43,0.236,0.593,0.17,-0.5346,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,12,6,5,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699515243975481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172748241858175,0.2324619144486457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952630890923444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498498717952479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039020824230071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344146917063592,0.16208070699697052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528431851038506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216809190341733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499624810520676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145342976168894,0.0,0.0,0.2435805901928117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118396664851172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532996507764744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IShotAnAngel,2019/01/30,I feel like I need to kill my self Everyone hates me ,-2.337500000000002,-0.6425264166666658,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.83333333333334,5.7333333333333325,14.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,-0.17596666666666616,41,1,11,1,2,14,11,12,0.444,0.409,0.146,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983281844993076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077725363148406,0.29780530866552585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115635571800568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611945105824175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365704142524307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090968660941334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43487653831211737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eternalgnome,2019/01/30,"Talking to a suicidal girl, could use some help I'm talking to a stranger online who is telling me things like ""goodbye cruel world"" ""I'm leaving this world"" ""You can't help me"".  
I don't know her to well but she's young so I'm just guessing she's having a stressful teen angst moment?   
I told her that I struggle with depression and that I'm always there to talk to her and she replied immediately.  
What else should I be telling her?  
",1.2747727272727258,3.6882442045454593,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,84.22727272727272,4.883636363636365,24.70909090909091,6.2581,0.6068145454545459,342,14,73,3,10,108,58,88,0.202,0.7190000000000001,0.079,-0.932,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,2,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,15,4,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,14,2,6,11,1,4,0,1,0,0,18,2,0,2,3,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741741323700489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712798518701025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802902430771881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486313709712772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305937150162941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806106006520159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503886121691445,0.0,0.0,0.22164363211458304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226501312663194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397796536170213,0.2188306373255512,0.0,0.2289662128681909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047395146166255,0.3659163756063049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906540132821088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001781785424727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078851573797475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882071941215081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BEWMarth,2019/01/30,"I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I didn't know where else to post I'm just spiraling right now. I'm going to be upfront and say I'm not going to kill myself right now but, fuck, I feel like it's inevitable. 

I'm male, 23, and I've been living with BPD for many years now.

I've lost virtually every single friend I've ever made and I know it's all my fault with my emotional hurricane. My ex-best friend told me he read online about how a person should never become friends with a borderline and that people like me should be avoided and he said he wishes he had listened to the article and stayed away from me. That hurt but it made sense to me. I am an unstable wreck.

I've been in and out of therapy and mental hospitals for varying times since I was in high school. 

Every time I feel like I'm getting better I just fall back into the pit.

I graduated college and I'm currently in a relationship of 3 years but everyday it feels like I'm draining my partner of life. 

I don't know what to do anymore. The only thing I have going for me is that my family loves me and is extremely supportive of me but I don't live with them and I never reach out because they are the only people left in my life who haven't left me. If I reach out to them with the borderline stuff it might ruin them too. 

I just have gotten to the point where suicide makes the most logical sense. I've been dealing with this for years I've tried so many avenues of treatment and it ALWAYS fails. Now I'm at a new edge and I just don't see the point in living anymore.

Anyone I meet will eventually be destroyed by my emotional back and forth and constant depression. My personal happiness and self-fulfillment is nonexistent because of this disease. 

I also read a bunch of youtube comments today and the entire community was saying how borderlines are MONSTERS and should be killed. Over and over and over again the comments were the same. BPD's are devils and everyone who has met one is worse off for it.

I can't live like that. All I've ever wanted to do is help people and make others happy but I know now that my existence is one that will only continue to bring suffering to others and I can't deal with that. 

Instead of causing pain to others I'd rather eliminate myself so no one else has to ever deal with me again.",3.3778986052433595,4.9463424111349035,4.770976329648708,83.33754441807977,73.49678800856532,8.046507321025521,25.68372012269229,8.685302888712808,1.823921858903872,1834,61,365,35,37,611,212,467,0.166,0.721,0.113,-0.9852,1,1,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,4,3,27,27,4,1,17,0,41,5,0,7,7,79,77,35,3,7,12,0,3,5,4,6,3,4,0,5,24,36,0,1,8,2,0,5,11,14,0,3,15,8,45,13,52,52,6,56,1,6,1,2,33,24,1,3,30,248,69,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05850331387175758,0.0608721592304212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510339693286126,0.05115280206318919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873304242391945,0.11250583342990876,0.0,0.0891911797925195,0.08079572713531873,0.0,0.0,0.07677334785322049,0.06470107574596817,0.0,0.0,0.18427637640239652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515198946786462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905630508266631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626375507879765,0.06300968022604686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384381202749261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222591931495945,0.16458267726897008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985230236953789,0.12327519678190305,0.06990427505892279,0.0,0.0,0.06896554029418288,0.0,0.11097053902329528,0.1567892884893148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695618441687288,0.06763210628911648,0.03822130883048442,0.0,0.12472976054992185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575314147109426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903533300898753,0.07729397409763013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831566310954599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187389784603418,0.0,0.16081983661740404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896973969524386,0.0,0.10334535301984528,0.17870311963201502,0.0,0.2583945045291962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985908072020335,0.0,0.06602669594338233,0.13844510477886116,0.0976652092980108,0.14833863850042442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737246553613129,0.07760760141898168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284577380974074,0.07065510894279686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871843491558068,0.16691669336578935,0.0778437900138264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521527444350904,0.19163258786966414,0.0,0.0,0.1383132838229248,0.0,0.07006380916952087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463528126478886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854282008376677,0.0,0.1249506889121546,0.0695886879552525,0.11635414370563622,0.0,0.07403839406079282,0.05829634583981425,0.0,0.07631829816173921,0.0,0.0,0.06051590303248184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797521151101919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374681486162425,0.08002145656444082,0.08301725306907898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366095817504955,0.0,0.048602000411336416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853164141597977,0.0,0.06934391145523508,0.06990427505892279,0.0,0.04966853545740925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314966347343062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412649008378778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455283462354656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133137319292832
suicidewatch,sillest_moon,2019/01/30,"What are your experiences with suicide hotlines? Any recommendations? Are they just kinda bad? If so, do you then have any alternatives?
Just thought it might come in handy at some point :)",3.848125,7.1379850625,3.499749999999999,81.37025000000001,89.0,6.3100000000000005,25.15,7.554174236665415,1.7841425000000009,150,6,26,3,5,45,29,32,0.208,0.72,0.07200000000000001,-0.7695,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781276047061136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29352679970625845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028263429612844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438801166128568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372935480668563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323252493455729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845350174726461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790888014995251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Farqman,2019/01/30,"What do I say? The last three months for me have been tough.
I’m 33/m. My partner left me, and I nearly took my own life. I have been hospitalised 3 times. I’ve spent time in Acute care, and Sub Acute care.
I’ve been stood down at work since the 10th December as I have a safety critical job. I finally have a psych assessment in a couple days to assess my fitness for duty.

The problem I have, is I have so many things going on in my head all the time. But I don’t know what to tell people? Like I could ring a helpline, but I have no idea what to say to them, I don’t even know what that would achieve. They can’t fix my problems.

My thoughts always turn to suicide. It is all just becoming to much for me. I can’t put into words how I feel well enough for others to understand what is wrong with me. I just don’t know how much longer I can suppress these thoughts.

Sorry if this post makes no sense, I didn’t know where else to post it?",0.8482796543597821,2.6108062238805982,2.155689971196651,98.4496072270228,81.28855721393035,5.624613773239068,19.036658811207122,6.5966054737557815,-0.21490646766169166,725,17,177,7,19,232,116,201,0.13699999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.057,-0.9541,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,2,8,8,0,0,8,0,23,2,1,3,2,30,40,9,1,5,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,12,4,0,2,9,0,1,3,8,4,1,1,9,4,28,4,22,29,6,23,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,8,115,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120551414457498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487309920794755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746074173482297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752199402311488,0.14900834840980332,0.0,0.08685016673095146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249841348103448,0.0,0.0,0.1391487600554298,0.0,0.08894740225946765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809253799971489,0.0,0.0,0.14752297166215647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765353222097802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382089319059316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202456353327967,0.0,0.0,0.1336378990192926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960415692045905,0.1097729595557016,0.0,0.0,0.14631793000569498,0.0,0.09512048115924523,0.06579232148267475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989239892732513,0.1365329185721411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749126669200712,0.0,0.1979939704550729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336231601103064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579507658665441,0.0,0.0,0.25771950540050503,0.0,0.1353792331568118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418790126009388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139933525855826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507505773822105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730569356150133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770637427022282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894678963173196,0.0,0.0,0.21382380070527732,0.2355791952475025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962187407590966,0.0,0.14648086792238108,0.0,0.14019485974252707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108332891583773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804041308780907,0.0,0.0,0.0956647763443982,0.14723907618227786,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Starburst4,2019/01/30,"Not leaving a note I've already decided on a method and for the most part, I'm just waiting to see what direction my life takes from here until the end of the year. I also realised, I'm not interested in leaving a note for my family because I don't care to leave one but I am curious if leaving a note may help them with some closure or help them deal with it.",8.775281385281389,4.733167999999999,9.43818181818182,73.1106060606061,63.805194805194795,12.864069264069268,41.25108225108225,10.504223727775694,4.0612718614718615,284,12,62,5,3,98,55,77,0.046,0.805,0.149,0.8263,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,14,9,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,11,8,3,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,5,3,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322322374777974,0.14727129721411478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226116846043097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776162368843216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189859083857684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310956086618075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360802166626885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24687480498590586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7799880450348547,0.0,0.0,0.13007642809470488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479040576334267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942545385791197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675029338494774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384640957754603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859188417258013
suicidewatch,poprockroppock,2019/01/30,"Everything has just come crashing down I just got results back from uni and anything I hoped to do after graduation is now impossible. I haven't made any plans for post graduation because I believed in myself. Lol. 

I'm now sat very quietly next to my boyfriend, I can't tell him how I'm really feeling. I've had depression since I was 12, now 20, diagnosed bipolar and I've never wanted to kill myself as much as I do in this moment. I can't see a way out. I know that life goes on, but I don't want to live a life where I can't do what I dreamed of doing. The dream wasn't even unattainable, it was a perfectly regular job and I've fucked my degree so I have no hopes of doing that anymore. 

I want to drop out and disappear. My family are going to be so disappointed in me. I came to uni because I wanted to prove everyone wrong. I missed so much school as a teenager that I barely finished my GCSEs, but I got good a levels and into a good uni. For what? To graduate with an average degree and continue hating life with a low level job because I have nothing special to offer? Just because life goes on doesn't mean I want any part of it. 

I don't know what to do. The only thing stopping me from doing anything right now is my bf who won't let me leave his side. I just can't do this anymore. ",2.041646419437342,3.617069066176473,4.205997442455241,85.97122762148341,77.08823529411767,7.230434782608696,25.0613810741688,8.04050195162591,1.4435717391304346,1014,36,215,17,23,350,140,272,0.16399999999999998,0.732,0.104,-0.9483,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,15,14,3,0,10,1,29,7,0,3,3,37,53,15,1,7,6,0,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,12,13,0,1,5,2,0,4,12,8,0,0,9,3,35,6,33,41,3,34,0,4,1,1,6,15,1,2,12,147,47,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365974564098367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409043188553213,0.0,0.0,0.1859448554160325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687419225138901,0.0,0.2754847980483007,0.0,0.0,0.12728910593949536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921834663098428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732175757018212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730900001849936,0.11467172264082134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462183456824299,0.0,0.0,0.10795666758819657,0.10153860847795804,0.0,0.1065069325488862,0.0,0.05712578419237284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444764373551374,0.0,0.0,0.06420880214022763,0.18952353715792805,0.18071990959446926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115437768727117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224428092183441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422926222342274,0.0,0.12499497753349055,0.0,0.12418105780125023,0.0,0.0,0.1196288819262632,0.0,0.1155291010006102,0.3192027930579097,0.0,0.0,0.09976288863793364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690384917965612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230676982049052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610573140415025,0.0,0.08713668571516066,0.0,0.12015488393229574,0.0,0.0,0.10840679067226296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592593211894631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223456909347554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820304409281377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237750285266002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648379856908207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434119429244655,0.09002996203208681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934577351953137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445584538669424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874898384101308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505849961401334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321984515795036,0.33319091516342797,0.08967779665589659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352524869477426,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadthrowingaway690,2019/01/30,"How to Kill Myself with minimum amount of physical pain? please let me know.
",2.592142857142857,5.591792500000004,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,88.28571428571428,8.514285714285714,21.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.3432571428571443,61,2,11,2,2,19,14,14,0.376,0.516,0.108,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993464842275349,0.0,0.2480474649635266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461530947474794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802630118825303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954413868010097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hgr_ne,2019/01/30,"Writing because i have nowhere else to turn to I’m currently 21 and have been struggling with depression since i was at least 13. During all this time, i’ve never felt as suicidal as i do right now. 
I have lost most of my friends and feel utterly, unbearably alone. I go to a college that makes me feel completely miserable and gives me so much anxiety and panic i regularly feel nauseaus and skip classes (which makes everything worse, obviously); but i can’t drop it because of LOTS of family pressure, as my parents seem to define the entire worth of my life and their own by my level of academic success. This makes me feel that go on living is pointless.
My mother is bdp and my father is as much of her victim as i am and can’t do anything to help me. My family is completely shattered, but as we look fine from the outside and are financially well off, no one would believe me if i role them. I have no one to turn to. I go to a therapist, and it helps to a degree, but i feel like i can’t tell her about my problems anymore, because the last time i talked about wanting to kill myself, she called my parents and made a scene.
I’ve always had a terrible relationship with food, but as of last year i developed a full blown eating disorder and actually it’s what’s been keeping me alive recently, as i don’t want to die before i’m underweight. I really really hate myself and have no self steem whatsoever. However, I’ve been feeling like i’ll never reach my goal weight and if I don’t kill myself already I’ll end up regretting it, the same way I regret not ending my life at 14. I’m thinking of doing it tonight or maybe this weekend, since I have to rewrite my suicide notes but i barely know what I want to say anymore.",6.7247701149425305,5.748924235632185,7.649425287356322,74.65477011494255,65.26436781609196,11.1816091954023,35.42528735632185,10.504223727775694,3.5850908045977015,1366,56,269,30,18,463,184,348,0.223,0.679,0.098,-0.9944,4,1,0,0,0,4,31.0,1,0,2,3,5,20,4,4,10,0,26,5,0,4,4,56,56,31,5,9,9,4,8,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,13,17,3,1,10,1,1,3,11,14,1,2,8,10,49,6,40,47,9,27,0,5,1,0,22,8,0,6,16,180,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.08887601682853165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943261849855202,0.10050347583312476,0.0,0.07578165711686892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967209009148931,0.0,0.1806437624667604,0.0,0.0,0.07494692658463861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655533885286872,0.0,0.07749807738237055,0.10261028471615458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299771024313666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909807117974876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784427239365532,0.0,0.09452142278045472,0.0,0.10437978699568287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319241424680774,0.0760814371087018,0.0,0.16133075252276513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818522955967486,0.0,0.17171472126263893,0.0,0.27630139770480744,0.13012792985726854,0.08744623775354145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012819520048864,0.0,0.07036428309948341,0.0,0.0,0.08736739417054698,0.15527998457362985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991766120711543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220912430141462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095160325067527,0.20152188418853872,0.0,0.05005241258979515,0.14847648531649996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286578660291348,0.08898924374544133,0.0,0.08042085244993571,0.0,0.07648002306876027,0.0,0.09941907021728187,0.07742866853575213,0.0,0.08617732303651728,0.1823797158710846,0.0,0.09149703202704126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390113998024775,0.0,0.1404852373573072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342949096612753,0.0,0.0,0.10685683465616126,0.20225591558175612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714643049219452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668989455053405,0.0,0.08992552914871357,0.09778041613489112,0.0,0.0777775126048534,0.0,0.07242645844917571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291121706741164,0.09501103913766773,0.0,0.0,0.15067628524119614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521131581834426,0.0,0.19924243398050112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320259770979527,0.07960352358962819,0.0,0.0,0.10574504053463747,0.0,0.058357152713047325,0.0,0.0,0.10621307550180413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981267930030583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115510161257554,0.07229105884326745,0.0,0.11090475754346664,0.0818873207965337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281315829698304,0.06469703384920507,0.0,0.0,0.0586492839998256
suicidewatch,mcatyr,2019/01/30,"I attempted and failed, should I go to the ER? I feel dumb posting this but I’m just feeling a little dizzy/drowsy and I have a massive headache that has not gone away. Thats about it for my current symptoms but I have to go to the lab in a few hours idk how thats gonna go. Its been 34 hours.

It was a stupid attempt, i honestly didn’t plan it even though ik its difficult to pull off but i was really drunk. So essential I had alcohol and then ~400mg of tramadol, 25mg of valium/diazepam, hydroxizine (~120mg?) and threw in a couple anti-emitics to keep it all in. I passed out for about 20 hours and since then I’ve just been experiencing the above symptoms.

Thanks for your help",1.6913286713286697,3.507487223776227,3.14055944055944,92.1385314685315,78.86013986013988,6.917482517482518,23.58741258741259,7.882392219407189,1.0248293706293703,535,18,122,9,13,175,92,143,0.128,0.7759999999999999,0.095,-0.5422,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,4,8,6,2,0,8,0,10,4,0,1,1,18,21,13,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,6,2,1,2,1,0,7,2,4,1,0,8,3,11,2,18,11,2,21,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,6,76,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669378015800224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171269668988355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400170106589134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774381833001966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558526911199756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32975378868318833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963695887625573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5714022348070692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190945726318518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938451077496516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523090577070694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390178597304854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998866840250528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020488580950428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806362506141227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900218698824976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moarafat97,2019/01/30,"I’m thinking of finally doing it. I don’t have a lot going for me, at least from my perspective. I hate my colleagues at work because they seem to look down upon me not being able to complete my work. None of them look friendly and if I make a mistake I’m blamed for learning properly when they don’t teach the full stuff. 

My parents expect a lot from me, I’m supposed to support my dad when he’s old and I’m supposed to contribute a monthly amount to the house, which I’m fine with except I don’t earn anything substantial in the first place. Which makes it harder for me to get a car and then a better job from which I can better support them. 

I hate everything about me, my laziness and inability to listen to people or concentrate and my face as well. It may seem childish and stupid writing this, because “hey it’s not the end of the world” or “you have so much more to live” if that’s true then why is there a voice in my head telling me to kill myself and why won’t it go down when I push it down only to come back stronger. I just wanna kill myself so the voice just stops because it hurts like hell and because of it I can’t do anything right. 

I was born a loser, am living like one and will die like one and no one will remember me. No one because I didn’t do anything to deserve living like everyone else. ",4.890477272727273,4.6073752909090935,5.61639772727273,85.40859659090908,68.81818181818181,8.329545454545455,30.27840909090909,7.6454224807358475,1.7486045454545454,1035,36,223,10,16,338,142,275,0.173,0.7090000000000001,0.119,-0.9643,2,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,4,7,12,21,6,0,14,0,19,2,2,2,1,37,40,22,3,5,9,2,0,4,1,4,0,3,0,0,14,12,0,1,5,0,0,5,11,9,1,5,2,5,33,12,35,33,8,30,1,2,2,0,13,12,1,9,17,157,47,6,0.10270083521753028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535421101172537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897060293805075,0.0,0.3130273795695869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816610857101134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846767578647853,0.10767987176042244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065872525850114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579336954090701,0.0,0.0909624567798492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813504919795436,0.09230088850543317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250374500363808,0.0,0.08735727797128529,0.0,0.0,0.0793464105286271,0.0,0.053656947580504606,0.0,0.11673450279159762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279162511544635,0.10540068612486367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850297496294684,0.10994336820956294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191473195455733,0.0,0.2272465155470849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006977618708856,0.0,0.2720601571908118,0.0,0.1724856714328488,0.0,0.0,0.17462515497064404,0.0,0.0,0.13710720998551315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197482684751152,0.0,0.07549693079443813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077672504207902,0.0,0.27837097544761963,0.07810861305980912,0.0,0.0,0.11403712368463817,0.0,0.0,0.0711998278987253,0.0,0.10730051404379996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163400259701361,0.08770595212794083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186989966416847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586249688084187,0.0,0.0,0.1175678853645223,0.0,0.23308738148978764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976505670267054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658065483294213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092340384735034,0.0,0.18534305938153486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953486239881214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crowning-,2019/01/30,I’m gonna kill myself today after school My mother is an absolute psychotic bitch. I missed one day of school because a student died and I couldn’t handle the pressure of going back just the next day. She knew this. She knew I was upset over it. I told her I didn’t want to go to school and she freaked about throwing my life away because I missed one day of school. So today I didn’t have to leave to school at a later time and when I told her this she kicked me out the house. She’s always doing stupid shit like this and I can’t stand it. If she wants me gone so bad than fine. ,0.9227333333333334,2.7614747600000022,2.1605000000000025,98.12608333333336,81.4,4.806666666666667,16.816666666666666,5.46131890053228,-0.7927733333333333,455,8,107,2,12,145,77,125,0.27,0.6859999999999999,0.044,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,4,2,6,0,8,2,1,0,0,12,21,8,2,4,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,10,0,2,8,0,22,2,14,11,0,20,0,2,0,0,11,4,2,1,12,67,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377886016981463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847198656769174,0.10514482853856758,0.11417241530545102,0.16671120102015893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264558489205695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419148136204498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542529528596802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777991455331244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512828509865177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478820409632506,0.0,0.0,0.09658369786042288,0.06680438978205111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542483034057485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853174940712706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6919422763658626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036192398902167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973435212091494,0.0,0.25922757808631136,0.2613223791551184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130591024819307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sidewalkview,2019/01/30,"Self destructing. Im self destructing. Ate food fit for 10 people nonstop for the past 2 weeks. Fridge empty. I feel like an addict. Spending money i dont even have,im broke. I feel so guilty. Im jobless. I don't even have clothes or shoes to wear, theres no dish soap and im running out of toothpaste, and I spent what i did have on food, one of the sources of my depression. I could be giving what little i have left to help my mom pay for expenses for allowing my grown self to live rent/expense free. I dont know why she puts up with me. With good reason im being threatened with being put out. Shes not going to be around forever,i have to suuport myself. Im an adult still being supported, can't hold down a steady job. Cant go outside and no normal things from bad social anxiety. Worthless. No one to talk to. I don't have a friend or relative i can call to even say good morning. People alienate u when they sense your depression. Desperately lonely. I want therapy, desperately tried to get an appnt but when ur uninsured there's only so much help u can get. Just swallowing pills isn't helping me. I really want help. I want to get better. But I'm starting to feel tired from fighting for the will to live. I still want to though. I just need help. ",0.6014825581395371,3.0005143178294595,2.5559253875969006,91.09807412790701,87.99224806201548,5.705620155038758,20.4656007751938,7.1686216300943375,0.6454531007751938,986,32,208,16,32,328,147,258,0.165,0.6940000000000001,0.14,-0.523,3,2,0,0,2,0,35.0,0,1,1,1,15,16,3,0,8,0,23,10,2,2,0,30,43,12,0,7,7,1,3,1,1,1,3,1,0,4,3,9,5,1,5,0,6,6,11,9,0,2,3,4,26,8,32,33,1,22,0,5,0,0,22,9,0,2,8,119,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311335010553608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534111308051131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603614625120815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131672591447462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554132208649797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721675915342883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819574980392445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713308839597325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002080310898862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692444837534819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956293436888358,0.06101943955299299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656474770596134,0.0,0.06599027778261067,0.0,0.13387512499486007,0.08193643644895691,0.09708494958638622,0.14328162523750995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862544279011805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.553567586262254,0.0,0.0847597443540955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694103975763622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280204517367302,0.0,0.0,0.04172873406614183,0.08560679130599777,0.15084341540671692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003528854015224,0.0,0.0,0.0627887689142793,0.06333304675180862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368711980223452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575683054860525,0.06496083488454231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153687465705031,0.11842996777820973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172836863543198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054718091456472336,0.08781932962857154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679242635800677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673148047104263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706833268194403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045613284047272,0.0,0.13642270330283054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692625633381988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865215624308059,0.0,0.0,0.09767781006269087,0.0,0.056744950911417534,0.0,0.08391835495593347,0.0,0.0,0.09817028251489122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057990176999284326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151644088072454,0.0,0.06851357794498336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770724213747115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RusticKey,2019/01/30,"Help, when to let someone go? I'm afraid, I'm worried, I am concerned. Yet, I am tired, stressed, and also afraid if I lose my friend. She has been depressed for quite a while now, and I've tried everything I can. I supported her, listened to her, and also helped to remind her to take meds or go to her psychiatrist. Nothing helped, and now I'm at the point where, with college and work, with supporting her and my parents, puts quite a strain on my head and my heart, and probably my own well being.

When to let go? I don't want to, but I'm starting to feel that I couldn't do anything anymore that will change something.",3.5876190476190466,4.578582206349207,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142857,72.17460317460319,7.187301587301588,28.285714285714285,7.3871296695380915,1.3615142857142857,482,18,105,5,9,153,75,126,0.101,0.823,0.076,-0.2186,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,9,10,0,4,3,0,12,3,2,0,0,16,26,16,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,6,1,0,1,2,18,4,13,20,1,15,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,2,7,70,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335424397750561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481146065346276,0.0,0.0,0.12016107018592916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446857963956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576581970804354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123232511706812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738315168592086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281379964995912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489576287528016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985746435459246,0.0,0.0,0.17303303778084092,0.2936200673487743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986283300560664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335774059322322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219402239210884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010902268262454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621366503954817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380350087010175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743301481203908,0.0,0.0,0.14678927278706716,0.0,0.3106180370527852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372129595228755,0.11241244292679192,0.0,0.0,0.10335289207819703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672640968903938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314009163254517,0.0,0.0,0.10978800132938862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782718538780309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913721277571072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612569969239305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128848039496202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630346032639673,0.14828922793686078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DinnerSpoon,2019/01/30,"aimless ramble i hate that there's things that stop me from... just going. i'm lucky enough to have a significant other, who is coming to visit me this friday (long distance), a cat... that doesn't love me quite that much. friends who are there for me (though i elect not to burden them with my mess of a life).

but on the other end i'm studying a course in university that is too stressful and complex and heavy for my foggy, stupid brain. and all my peers are applying for internships, future jobs while... i don't have a future plan because i thought i would have killed myself a long time ago. my grades are shit anyway. i took up leadership positions and now i'm neglecting them. and i feel so stupid and ridiculously overdramatic because the reason i'm being left behind in the rat race is entirely my own fault for not planning, being too lazy to study, zoning out in classes. my issues are so trivial, right? i've been through so much worse. but i feel like i want to drive a screwdriver through my heart since it already constantly feels that way.

i won't even let myself quit. the thing is i've quit before but made the choice to come back thinking that i could handle it (haha) and i've spent twice as long trying to complete my freshman year and i can't... i can't just. quit. again. obviously i want to kill myself but i'll never be able to do it properly so i spend my days hoping someone else could do it for me... just wish this would all stop.",3.4644426056867768,5.079065903114191,4.131888069805928,87.81902061080187,73.3598615916955,6.9638032194975175,23.983902512411607,7.586124646067393,1.0079112682413118,1142,33,233,14,23,363,162,289,0.201,0.728,0.071,-0.9934,1,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,2,6,17,18,7,1,12,1,27,5,3,2,4,45,48,19,2,8,9,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,19,12,0,3,7,0,2,6,8,12,0,1,5,3,34,6,27,34,6,33,0,1,0,1,7,8,1,2,19,159,53,3,0.10792193105727163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566628024556433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909453457051974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298530335979906,0.0,0.13157641495472835,0.0,0.09183361450392324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047656698543698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593037508999125,0.11315409141288595,0.11662526750449954,0.0,0.17233376052355304,0.0,0.0,0.06960071737334418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901549251586257,0.0,0.09558679799051208,0.11151220413279632,0.0,0.071281417627355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370571310128107,0.07709944911113631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338021622292306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133452048172465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655056377265737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788800792670546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719082865490484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126424570258392,0.10709586394719632,0.0,0.23879925350102205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725749386903415,0.11035748644059727,0.07622845153642932,0.052725204167281416,0.0,0.0,0.28652253864170824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740375633269492,0.1021183406095166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586700739672698,0.0,0.08323604640737782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591530322099304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109617194991108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216473944749694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078031135046736,0.08927413660503848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144190196492268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045513357612308,0.12362420739596144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433970710697611,0.06915201572491754,0.1060327493141964,0.0856779582627938,0.06293014588467469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199052363674535,0.07327190700627807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273103021967911,0.08566340552086073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410489460615552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099816677758726,0.15332928678322869,0.0,0.0,0.06949818524138396
suicidewatch,G3T-STUPID,2019/01/30,"I’m not feeling so good right now I take my anti social ways to such a extreme irl that i just don’t know how to interact with other people i don’t see how people can just casually make friends I wish I could do it, I’m not fond of my ways it hurts me a lot, I feel so alone all the time, I act like a regular person and do regular things I just can’t seem to interact with others even though I want to so bad, I’m having a breakdown right now and I don’t even know who I can go to, all I want is someone to talk to, it doesn’t even have to be a conversation I just don’t want to feel alone anymore, even when u do talk to people some times  it feels so artificial, I can be in a room full of people and feel like no one is even really saying anything, like no ones words hold weight or meaning, it’s made me not want to be here anymore I just want a friend ",10.883281250000005,3.6397024322916716,11.025416666666665,73.01125000000002,63.73958333333334,14.466666666666667,40.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.552327083333333,665,16,165,8,6,230,95,192,0.12,0.7290000000000001,0.151,0.4291,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,22,10,0,0,8,0,20,1,0,4,2,40,43,12,0,7,9,0,6,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,10,5,1,1,9,1,0,2,11,2,0,2,1,8,19,8,16,38,5,14,0,1,1,0,11,5,0,4,8,111,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366416748635493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659584138990385,0.0,0.0,0.09401189200849633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538776489920296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121338740680092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772806640554501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888223523247294,0.08161490701833632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765270354757882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649266790339123,0.09582123833700386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229902229323295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556944551535446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674394312247006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712493835920362,0.0,0.10809907165093699,0.07625779527974634,0.0,0.0,0.1244436381688266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482742927779533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168056238867587,0.09975219602920564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318670868096762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951250424509238,0.0,0.09085026832410947,0.0,0.0,0.0910365285358661,0.10400213511666692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645590205572255,0.09679734955938908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589618675030546,0.18364768308044846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589767992499104,0.0,0.11224273423409883,0.0,0.13323150980299833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369161062775545,0.18136085165488533,0.0,0.1391166598089945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137330487538848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tom-1x,2019/01/30,I’m angry all the time Everyday no matter what happens it’s always there. There are days that I’m happy and when I’m sad or excited or nervous but they always fade. The anger is always there. I left home last May to start a new life on New Zealand but all I’ve encountered was me being a burden no matter what ,1.6254545454545486,3.4252515454545467,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,79.0,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.4960181818181826,246,6,51,3,6,84,47,66,0.263,0.65,0.086,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,2,10,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,7,2,11,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,9,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6148216746536735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884252539875954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178014556426218,0.2621899416812864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470580508611483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076661649181984,0.0,0.0,0.2676046620062593,0.0,0.17396831823346484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757543563674408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743317506063955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361896936226645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway17372983748,2019/01/30,"I want to die, but my life really isnt that difficult. I have a lot going for me. I’m in college, I have friends, and I have a family that supports me. Being young I have made actions that have given me responsibility. Its not a ton, but it is too much for me to deal with. I feel like I forced myself into being an adult, and I see that I am entering into the grind of life. Anyone looking at me from the outside would likely think that my life is easy. To me it feels unbearably difficult.

I am a coward because I stay in a situation that I want to be out of solely because it is what I am “supposed to do”. I dont know if I will ever gain the courage to end my life, but its what I want more than anything.",2.3049461722488047,3.0630052960526335,4.781985645933016,85.3898086124402,74.98684210526315,7.632535885167465,25.002392344497608,8.00094639256281,1.2582947368421058,543,17,123,8,11,193,83,152,0.066,0.721,0.212,0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,9,0,19,4,0,1,1,22,33,6,1,5,5,0,2,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,4,26,5,19,26,4,13,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,2,5,99,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362148309037473,0.0,0.14548993784443676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155492070778673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822712855357402,0.0,0.0,0.183488723980774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720629249268535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565908185069207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599241854922688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666697038954809,0.0,0.1787890667449232,0.12630474183206644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659392907928086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047854899288593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716372276359588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995114752474263,0.1727494392545426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846604536943972,0.0,0.0,0.1503075934664545,0.0,0.16729082757014171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996709418781172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326151904346925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088535604686528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872869830991866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884434655088936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062861725171866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328521272198208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128406565204393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559244070949727,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nikkiberm,2019/01/30,"Struggling to keep going I’ve struggled with depression since I was 13. I’m 21 now. I thought I hit my breaking point before but this is unlike anything. I am so so close to ending it. The only thing stopping me is leaving my family behind to deal with this.
I wish I could just do this without them feeling loss. I am in so much pain every second of my life I just want to end it.
I don’t know if I can deal with attempting to recover again and go through all this good life to get to another part of this shit. 
I don’t know what to do anymore. ",1.0991927899686544,2.9360631982758685,3.0692789968652043,91.8399843260188,80.8103448275862,5.942319749216303,23.476489028213173,6.980632752743323,0.7495793103448278,425,15,94,5,11,143,75,116,0.16399999999999998,0.733,0.103,-0.7583,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,1,2,1,0,11,4,1,0,1,20,23,6,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,1,16,1,17,19,3,11,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,1,5,68,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407045893621945,0.0,0.0,0.1646321092981046,0.0,0.0,0.13660776813491848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125781894467654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254128825045494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422872245466703,0.14297965149103856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940618786918877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986616508870606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649450815776805,0.0,0.08393699157760295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673063244423444,0.0,0.1886886547168604,0.13923691172983926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755265293673528,0.0,0.0,0.18246374295117412,0.0,0.0,0.17577506543925006,0.0,0.0,0.2345081343848437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203259504421178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262540959836599,0.1766407626096402,0.0,0.0,0.17976697168767602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692815014007894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040149457158402,0.1373208480698329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878740766130046,0.0,0.34708842504553744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028618230802552,0.0,0.0,0.13178923187563568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791390502623684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089727467577292,0.16002265909682878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nevermind9012,2019/01/30,"Feeling suicidal and running out of reasons to stay alive. I've (28) never  had a lot of friends and I was always okay with that, but in high school, the friends I had stoped hanging out with me, and starting hanging out with other people. I would ask if they wanted to hang out and they would always reply with 'let me see if anyone else wants to do something else first.' and they would always find something to do other than hang out with me. I would talk with new people and they would say your an interesting person, how come you never talk about going out? I'd tell them I didnt have anyone to hang out with, and not one of those people extended an invintation. So i gave up trying to make friends in high school thinking I'd probally not keep in touch with most of them anyways, and i'd try after high school. Its been ten years since I graduated. I've made zero friends. Right out of high school I didn't try to hard, i figured I'd let it just happen, but it didn't, then after a mental health crisis, I started seeing a psychologist, who told me I needed to meet new people, and we talked about how, so with his tips in mind, and researching psychology tricks to get people to want to be friends with you, and seeing what I could change about myself to make myself more friendly, and applying all these, after four years of trying to make friends, again I have made zero. All I do is work and sleep. Even my family barely talks to me, and really only does if they need something, or theres a family event, and thats just to invite me, never end up talking to anyone at them. so i have no friends, my family doesnt really talk to me, everytime i try to make a new friend, i get more depressed because it never works, and everytime i try to even get help online, i see other peoples post about feeling suicidal getting tons of replys and support, mine only ever get a few, and all they ever say is your going through a rough patch, i think after 10 years its not a rough patch, and my life just sucks. I've tried to make my life better for the past four years and have nothing to show for it. I just want to end it. ",7.055321931589539,5.638961091549303,7.168376928236087,79.7999295774648,64.84507042253522,9.710529845741114,30.37961099932931,8.269060116576782,2.0036258886653258,1659,43,338,17,21,536,185,426,0.062,0.797,0.141,0.9838,0,0,3,0,0,0,48.0,1,4,9,4,20,16,2,0,12,1,26,4,1,10,9,94,64,32,2,15,13,0,6,0,9,5,3,2,0,1,16,40,0,1,7,1,0,9,12,3,0,7,11,12,50,13,66,44,9,57,0,1,4,0,40,20,1,6,26,237,66,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184161094585354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919399509999823,0.05822095373799209,0.0,0.0,0.053120990674214864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03463822318739601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025452757474176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011024473571976,0.04894720556035285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536782113870455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048940789250986334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972540037506079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493514229467123,0.0,0.10065502525519028,0.0,0.0,0.0750609188961362,0.10279768049701214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607004492488805,0.0,0.05746191954340794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193436762849369,0.04833284704317863,0.0,0.0,0.3951055036638605,0.0,0.14843600329813633,0.0,0.06458661486616356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050247593096166325,0.0,0.05090143829654252,0.0,0.0,0.060399232443027966,0.0,0.0,0.03808665414640138,0.2401426627218192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050609101011342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162088888664334,0.08027025568243155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048308115254357,0.0,0.10753288497109484,0.18964595631416745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057263309505704886,0.0,0.057374120241349774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426573050275099,0.17529881802523428,0.16463740732549248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452233498092041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850412378346076,0.08643153118886117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054243121547688525,0.2363597267163635,0.04961486374212398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441986225585349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280338124842077,0.058422579861138114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852576073134415,0.0,0.09037442509067918,0.0,0.23002798472942346,0.18111941946784013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700382617433943,0.0,0.056863133665442774,0.0,0.0,0.1312332800256887,0.0,0.0,0.08043794604004753,0.060564795435739276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243083039694061,0.06448104278697901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740286971705011,0.049665017685859535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281861131000315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429594914826249,0.0,0.2700493197638785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406058108710647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273432734843504,0.0,0.0,0.20182393852990696,0.0,0.0,0.14636627102742264
suicidewatch,Muneigmng,2019/01/30,"I'm a coward and i'm afraid I have been suicidal for about 6 months. It feels like my life is fading away from me, and i am unable to act. I'm too much of a coward to ask my parents for help. I don't know why i can't, but i think its because im sheilding them from the wreck of a human i have become. help-",1.1429166666666646,1.3357041249999997,3.6287777777777817,94.694,77.19444444444444,6.315555555555558,19.95555555555556,5.6839178017228535,-0.2938477777777781,235,4,62,1,5,83,50,72,0.159,0.7340000000000001,0.107,-0.5346,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,6,14,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,10,1,10,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597921918062576,0.0,0.2610893695317021,0.0,0.0,0.16940083021636804,0.30691068974526675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051091512138308,0.1985266233791964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725312812760997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001718373627891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272257807118836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962838549875728,0.1357643520282585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218113275571225,0.0,0.20428313288362715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085669926737177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30396954516518754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806244195005558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507549673230253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SideHoAccount,2019/01/30,"I'm too bad at weight loss to deserve to be alive. I can't even fast anymore. I did well before, but these days I keep breaking them.
I can't reach the weight I need to be to actually not be a fat shit and have some worth, so maybe dying is the best option.

I have a husband and two cats - I don't believe in the possibility of a human actually loving me, but I still need to think about how to make it easier for the cats. Our current plan is to move in with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, maybe I'll wait until then so I know they're well cared for.
12 years since my thoughts started but yet I didn't do it. Number one coward here.",2.3645652173913017,3.1459600942028985,3.9862028985507263,91.06278260869568,74.86956521739131,6.679420289855073,22.495652173913044,6.742157984588678,0.32496869565217423,495,12,118,4,10,166,90,138,0.07200000000000001,0.713,0.215,0.9734,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,3,11,8,1,0,7,0,13,5,2,2,0,19,25,11,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,3,2,3,0,1,1,5,3,2,2,3,2,16,5,16,19,2,14,0,1,0,1,6,3,1,2,9,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.3189115727649916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204986579677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643299370152,0.0,0.0,0.1390421996068832,0.18409695015825267,0.17147924830649652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659819002649726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538011478785203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695844203788759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107924806744712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523829955345546,0.0,0.0,0.08980090574091469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474757647690345,0.0,0.10907142351105001,0.0,0.32831649558922543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366938317323824,0.0,0.2423195136285368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107247334383054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842100543995008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772875865238115,0.13516697985397955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565605522796996,0.0,0.1304922343377079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470075065194724,0.0,0.12972212668572086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961901514701402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979567482591395,0.2938342108098435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052248743213285
suicidewatch,CAO0023,2019/01/30,"No one will care about me until I kill myself I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a couple of months now. I have asked my parent about suicide , but they called people who suicide cowards and stupid for ending their perfect life. They don’t understand what is going on in my mind, they keep on pushing me further closer to the edge with their constant criticism and berating “ you’re not doing enough of this” “ why aren’t you like this?” . I imagine that they would only understand the extent of my pain if I killed myself. I have thought many times of threatening to kill myself, in order for them to understand what they are doing to me .I have fantasised situations in which they feel regret and remorse  in not reaching out to me more after I kill myself. I feel like the only way that they will ever take me seriously is if I genuinely attempt to self harm.  I don’t to want to emotionally blackmail my parents but it seems like the only way out. ",6.3398694123556005,6.797582856353596,6.604068307383226,77.02203415369165,65.74033149171271,9.233751883475641,31.371672526368656,9.095868883498916,2.6548740331491705,751,27,135,12,11,242,105,181,0.297,0.623,0.08,-0.995,3,0,0,0,0,5,12.0,0,1,10,2,5,14,5,0,5,0,15,2,0,0,2,28,29,8,7,5,6,2,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,9,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,3,2,34,5,28,23,3,23,0,1,0,0,17,10,0,3,11,106,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042793248912547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389970606584465,0.0,0.11372735149014235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054029523245688,0.0,0.0,0.1234221928760042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547287966092688,0.09879557917976056,0.11525558994041035,0.0,0.0,0.10089865217648038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280079872175194,0.07968762307668531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339347694549144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099146138025385,0.4936311510229625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878738672954994,0.16348545591813016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308891340497487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262844403053962,0.0,0.08903399032153883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558563917403703,0.2545045265712681,0.11869152524227157,0.0,0.2477145864625249,0.0,0.0,0.07733111531693065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015461910712643,0.11636554709248308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538102192946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660357003450634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386780312014673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710821342403915,0.06504266636445317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483661929822749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579200949032092,0.1770781308896692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065182684579776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923822123674598,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ttumvart,2019/01/30,"Liar. Privileged. Depressed. I think I probably lied to people about 100 times this week (an avg weekly figure). Some of them were in casual conversations to boost my self esteem. Some were told to camouflage mistakes that I keep seeming to make. Ive lied to friends, parents, professors, classmates and therapists. No one really knows how poorly I have been performing in college or how deeply terrible I feel most of the time. 

Reading this sub always gives me a diverse cocktail of emotions. On one hand it is comforting knowing so many others feel as trapped and worried as I do. But I also feel terrible because so many people have such more worthy reasons of feeling despair or have experienced such traumatic situations that would leave anyone feeling alone.

Everyone in my life has always been supportive and nourishing to me. I come from a pretty financially and emotionally stable family and community. Yet I constantly feel distracted, scared, embarrassed, tired and miserable. I am unsure if I will ever muster the courage to actually organize a plan to end my life but I constantly fantasize about being diagnosed with some terminal illness. There is something that seems so soothing about dying but having none of the guilt associated with being the perpetrator. Not to mention how amazing it would be to live a short glimpse of a life without any need to compare myself to others and to live with no expectations. 

Idk if I’m posting in the right sub but I am new to reddit and this is the best place I know to post my feelings about loneliness and excitement to not exist anymore. 

I do experience moments of excitement or hope but they are surrounded by such aggressive opposing forces of anxiety and depression that they do not last long. And they usually exist only in fantasies I have about dream jobs or alternate lives.  Little dreams I play throughout the day of myself as a lawyer or a professional soccer player. But roughly 95% of the day is filled with exhaustion, hopelessness and low self esteem. Its not that I want death or pain. But the idea of not existing seems so much more appealing than dealing with a constant conveyor belt of dog shit being poured on top of me. I have no felt happy in many years and the only thing that seems to make me feel good is alcohol:)

Please dont comment any dumb cliche shit about finding purpose or peace because I hear that from my therapists every other week. Shit only works out if you want it to. It only gets better if you try. You only find purpose if you search. And I have now wasted 80,000 $ (and climbing) on a college education and I am still not willing to find the solutions. Dont tell me “it works out” because that doesnt help
 ",6.363607649956535,8.003418255578097,6.7058626485076775,72.07309127789048,66.24137931034483,10.17789626195306,34.166850188351205,10.355215969177356,3.9345939032164594,2172,99,354,56,35,702,263,493,0.17600000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.162,-0.0198,2,2,2,0,0,2,45.0,0,4,4,8,22,36,6,5,21,0,36,13,4,6,1,93,67,46,2,13,26,1,11,0,1,4,9,1,0,2,21,24,2,2,23,8,1,3,14,21,0,2,6,13,43,15,62,53,9,44,0,6,0,0,21,18,4,21,21,253,64,9,0.0,0.0,0.06811854291014488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459914677817593,0.0,0.0722957948473643,0.0,0.05582215839943461,0.11616488331327048,0.0,0.0,0.09493809950003107,0.0,0.053399797019402534,0.0,0.06922671787138264,0.048808514088716316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765543958221848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325489277601868,0.061735882292452915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601298841487312,0.0,0.2262996722445005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003548925886193,0.07196476199477253,0.12024400388621752,0.07084949521750733,0.07244543380044187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361931589198592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703999777603478,0.06182554180870969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314162931550885,0.058812801412971724,0.06670062355255096,0.0,0.0682816143760215,0.06580491017728413,0.0,0.2823596179233179,0.0,0.0670226964630696,0.0,0.19139851640693525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393032461053116,0.0,0.03646965982894521,0.06696226722486738,0.0,0.058548204519148224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430755592296648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867407524224053,0.0,0.046788086780809465,0.0,0.0,0.06933102894786645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880011330021902,0.0,0.0,0.06926960577405779,0.06204491893819775,0.0,0.0,0.11508720360405575,0.05689949998373815,0.0,0.07391225755331363,0.0,0.0,0.14791368943899058,0.0,0.06996185194442454,0.1849143835636906,0.061774260198878425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318929856688657,0.21231061354777225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131390264180741,0.05175871180828752,0.0,0.06741704737922781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460186647399738,0.26544507994309924,0.07427627751292026,0.0,0.07750897686474388,0.0,0.0,0.0967864785617958,0.0,0.07293022475378652,0.07662372705566349,0.0,0.0,0.1337056927100617,0.07101566734735414,0.07526041689555754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982279591666983,0.0,0.04471816960731,0.07177004118015899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961215431199664,0.0,0.0,0.0698858872842048,0.0,0.0,0.2541874174417645,0.14564139522416078,0.0,0.21495811916390475,0.0,0.07846251499992839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373845714013136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055745489491685285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921264530187977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101169056552558,0.0,0.0,0.1620954299761392,0.04637461343537225,0.044727524399151966,0.0,0.0,0.08140643785990914,0.08022932136422631,0.0,0.06670062355255096,0.0,0.04739227011736692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768791406246219,0.0,0.08234430461755239,0.0,0.16797744863148095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728847441458463,0.0,0.1016361498400674,0.07088925489340916,0.0,0.09917338408445373,0.0,0.0,0.04495142684554754
suicidewatch,calbo04,2019/01/30,Nearly there. I was on my way to college when I decided that today’s the day. I got the bus straight back home where I raided the medicine drawer. I’ve decided painkillers could be the route...I’ve sat holding them in my hands scared that this could be it...I mean they’re only otc painkillers but I don’t know where the stronger stuff is. I’ve taken about 2000mg and I don’t know if it’s a placebo but I feel much more relaxed than what I was...maybe the relaxation will help me take a bigger dose. Anyway how much do I need to take to be in the od territory?,1.0094632768361609,3.0653589576271187,2.145,97.19823446327686,82.3050847457627,5.289265536723164,20.850282485875713,6.42735559955562,0.027353672316384525,439,13,102,4,12,139,78,118,0.018000000000000002,0.82,0.162,0.95,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,9,0,11,2,1,1,0,15,21,6,1,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,13,2,9,11,3,13,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,4,62,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779571183959106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692244576540513,0.0,0.0,0.14911928484838988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691296576878844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492963293953085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498346480061992,0.0,0.2319348661069529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541475091345517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322939253043907,0.2518689203288821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33995005870301626,0.1714484400109164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758550136772544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314939057609456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646942671092216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477008569585033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917174822061294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353353601841754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the-snake-says,2019/01/30,"I’ve lost my spark Before I begin this - I have no clear intentions of harming myself, but extremely intrusive thoughts that are at the point of not sounding bad at all.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life and I cannot change the outcome of anything no matter how hard I try. I even started going to the gym, taking antidepressants, talking to my doctor, opening up in my relationship and to my parents who I no longer live with, write often about my feelings, eat healthier, appreciate small things, but nothing is working.

I keep feeling like my time here is already up. Like I’ve been cut short and I’ve overstayed my welcome.
I know I will never achieve the dreams and goals that I have set for myself, even the small ones.
I know that my best friend will never understand how I feel.
I know that every day it’s only getting worse but when I try to talk about it it doesn’t feel right or sounds crazy.
I’m getting bad again and I have done remarkable recovery steps compared to how I used to be. I’m sober, even. But it’s not going away.

I think that my time here is overstayed and I am no longer welcome. I’m sorry for everyone I’ve gotten so close to only for me to be a continuous disappointment. I regret being close to anyone. Nobody deserves such a weight on their shoulders such as the burden of my existence.",5.147635746606337,5.897121134615389,5.714705882352941,81.33147058823529,68.42307692307692,8.271493212669684,30.294117647058826,8.313332769828598,2.141638009049774,1045,39,201,14,17,338,145,260,0.156,0.682,0.162,0.6920000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,5,16,15,1,0,8,0,17,5,1,6,4,43,42,17,0,2,7,1,6,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,12,10,2,1,10,2,0,3,10,9,0,1,6,8,34,6,28,31,2,30,0,3,0,0,10,16,0,2,12,135,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258379977446914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034495828824447,0.0,0.1063268457660038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139479364478024,0.0,0.2157658983287939,0.0,0.0,0.10994615118328373,0.0,0.13559540493754232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668450869832915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332821305283357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224945380252606,0.0,0.13222423492823854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322116317203702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560212040444454,0.0,0.10886297584908676,0.12346339906398082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613249796664494,0.09230593540188646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998254714034886,0.0,0.1350112765180136,0.0,0.14686331357130286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574463082275326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484565179100313,0.0,0.0,0.2130273540026257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912631491460442,0.12624861386236236,0.0,0.11409267817217585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104535872134194,0.0,0.0,0.12225935542110584,0.0,0.13099622667103095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930573334480745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397817714297812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755441381649476,0.196536404543593,0.0,0.0,0.14346974933679976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214294577896274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872060802345407,0.0,0.11034258459498564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463733004516816,0.09145380445151632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714803526836996,0.20770434949244576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583978829670531,0.08279101303581804,0.0,0.10257640193214618,0.15068398147667286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544695825634948,0.0,0.0,0.13450966856203106,0.0,0.11159388150613396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734004831703385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406467180283867,0.0,0.13167358312090813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scientificwitchy,2019/01/30,"How do I keep going? This is going to be a long, trigger-filled rant, but...

I don't think I can keep going anymore. My life's been a long line of traumas from before I was even born, thanks to my shitty parents never letting up the heroin. I was born addicted, premature and sickly, then got neglected, sexually abused and possibly prostituted in return for drugs repeatedly before preschool. My birth father tried to murder me at six months old by throwing me down the stairs, then disappeared and presumably died.

I barely got fed and ended up with stunted growth from the malnutrition. My mother hooked up with a violent alcoholic who proceeded to make my life hell right up to when I ran away from home the final time. Didn't stop her bringing home one night stands and leaving them alone with me to take advantage, either. She finally quit the heroin in my teenage years but died of stroke soon after, so I'm now officially the only orphan in my family. I was bullied relentlessly at school for showing trauma symptoms and being autistic, but the teachers spent 15 years insisting nothing was wrong with me, even after medical evidence.

Somehow I survived my countless suicide attempts from the age of 9, and ended up in the care of social services in my late teens- but even now no one can help me. I have no (non-abusive) family other than my very sickly grandmother, I have no friends, I see a social worker once every two months and that's it. My country has free healthcare, but they've labelled me 'emotionally unstable' and said they can't treat any of my mental or physical issues. I have severe ME/fibromyalgia, but thanks to the heroin exposure it seems like I'm allergic to opiates in general! So I just get to be constantly in pain with no relief either. It almost killed me last year, and now I really, really wish it had.

Even just wanting to go outside- I'm not sick enough for care from social services, apparently, but I'm considered too 'dangerous' because of my mental illnesses for any private care companies in the area to even come near me, even though the only person I've ever hurt is myself.

When every safety net has failed, when life has never stopped being pure torture in over two decades... when is it okay to say enough's enough? Why am I the one who ends up treated like a broken monster who can't be fixed, when the people who hurt me again and again and again get to live happy lives with no consequence? I've tried so damn hard to heal and be a good person, but... there's no more options. No matter what, I'm going to be left here to rot alone.",6.71007935950558,7.012929769857436,7.0428386824917535,74.72494908350306,64.94704684317719,9.949603202472083,32.20598356626167,9.753983421225431,3.06311947468221,2051,75,362,39,29,667,261,491,0.218,0.647,0.135,-0.9934,2,2,2,0,1,1,62.0,0,0,2,6,30,31,7,0,20,1,31,17,0,2,4,55,65,34,5,2,14,3,2,2,1,0,16,2,2,2,13,20,2,5,3,1,2,11,14,15,0,6,13,5,43,17,62,44,6,83,1,4,1,0,20,25,2,5,48,245,56,5,0.0,0.16755225309131144,0.0,0.07708096888505629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556418369373487,0.07080275700554531,0.14646206982434298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961662472023496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012225543681244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643146969232443,0.0,0.0,0.04310227619974708,0.0,0.12033274559520755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162712220508641,0.0,0.0,0.060907742347355874,0.0,0.07640905087097727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467652192791676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199756791107056,0.0,0.0,0.07953575712131065,0.18787600662872853,0.21917741825515394,0.0,0.2802074841337693,0.06395844835204817,0.1191472428693537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331236442615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491192806585596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462798344933795,0.0,0.07388288455247193,0.0,0.20092183263177876,0.059305601636151214,0.11310155062376133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526882073185034,0.06333950331552482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473933514909558,0.0,0.14184959210397804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513864195973829,0.0,0.0,0.07379964405043833,0.0,0.12569510120135727,0.07822672007164751,0.0,0.0,0.0576355689648544,0.07976047451817306,0.07486840866404074,0.07682326485293305,0.07230260625217819,0.1498271452463284,0.06908764959094367,0.0,0.12487099429139188,0.12514678107761495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719741162816221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122977331472828,0.14251187014261188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287516232817008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906705622767347,0.0,0.0,0.06635364543547896,0.0,0.0678451873437285,0.0,0.07419500810617763,0.07530055177340092,0.14373849684771375,0.10755158281400896,0.07523713769491955,0.0,0.07851165621420213,0.0,0.0,0.04901926872475215,0.12347709344421548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971141737834365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520550251757936,0.0,0.0,0.0905933144973428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603833150023211,0.06725846335036076,0.056228972984232406,0.0,0.07155916801678308,0.056344253000550425,0.06436891550958304,0.0,0.07987868264057135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162303719517327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182282859999872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734188359813285,0.0,0.0,0.07349155292366928,0.05316279691107725,0.0,0.0,0.13019484633768227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453061330569037,0.06946918030456334,0.0,0.04122976796631668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601070144838407,0.0,0.1381407543619755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834060596826339,0.04170476760783762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638019887282186,0.0,0.08130945727462663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730690658220803,0.0,0.13659879591730748
suicidewatch,buggggirl,2019/01/30,will i always feel this way i dont even exsist. i'm just a fake person i'm just a big mess of everything everyone wanted me to be so they'll pay attention to me. therapy doesn't help! being hospitalized doesn't help! i'm always sad and alone! everything i try is wrong. i want to help people and i can't. i'm so tired of feeling this pain all of the time. i'm gross and i'm used and i'm not able to be loved and i just want everything to end. nothing feels okay:(,-1.6576577669902903,0.2682210679611643,1.4701395631067982,95.98831614077672,100.45631067961165,5.293446601941747,15.175364077669904,6.9077264865688965,-0.1123393203883496,362,9,87,7,16,127,59,103,0.31,0.614,0.076,-0.9766,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,3,1,10,3,0,1,1,18,25,7,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,0,3,9,2,8,20,1,4,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,44,11,1,0.16853522335056978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455166382722698,0.0,0.0,0.28046961380584745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752202658202053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927218398406608,0.0,0.0,0.11131592552950402,0.0,0.0,0.16104262832979635,0.4544057746006702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556494185287256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388968229255475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210961912832754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617140922249814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793333602617656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168411033076539,0.1471584563231095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273471589173446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827424406008137,0.1937064467085743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442435371242556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455603208685239,0.0,0.0,0.2982193239877034,0.1337754156267567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842668096312485,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway321bye,2019/01/30,"Remember that you did this. I've been sitting here looking at a razor. It's so dumb, I know. What I am feeling can not be helped by cutting.

​

I just got done walking outside. I had found my husband's wedding ring on the bed, neatly placed in front of his pillow for me to find. I held it, put on my jacket, and walked around. I didn't know what I was going to do if I found him, nor did I expect to. Even seeing his truck drive away would have been ok, at least I could visually see him leaving. He hadn't said goodbye. He didn't say much at all. I didn't try to get him to talk. I had hurt him deeply. Sometimes it's better to keep your fucking mouth shut, children, let this be a lesson. Apparently there is such a thing as being too honest, even if it's with who you thought was the love of your life, and any issue that you could bring up could be resolved. Sorry kids, it's not true. I thought it was, I thought being completely honest was a good thing, and that a bond could be so strong you could work through any problem.

​

Hahaha. 

​

I've done a lot of wrong. A lot. I'm not going to deny that. In a sense I deserved this. I could not make him happy. I could not make myself happy. I could not succeed or provide. I couldn't keep my fucking mouth shit. I could not be a good mother, friend, wife, daughter, or human. 

​

Dear husband, going through this situation, something/someone was shinning a light into my life, even if it was their job too, this person looked like you, and I felt crazy. I was imagining a different situation to be in.. no stress, no fighting, and being with you. That's what I wanted. I understand why you left your ring. I understand why you are quiet. I understand why you wouldn't leave a gun here with me. It only takes 11 days. Maybe I'll just wait until her first birthday. She's not even one yet. I can't do it on my own. and neither can I. 

​

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suicidewatch,featherfeather1212,2019/01/30,"Can't Sleep. Nausea due to Anxiety. Why are you awake? I'm having this horrible nausea, almost throw-upy feeling due to anxiety and so, I'm unable to sleep. I was very suicidal today due to me being super stressed out about my life. I'm anxious because I've lost a volunteer opportunity and my car got hit and ran and now I have to see if I can fix the dent. Not only that, I have to focus on university. I am in just in so much physical and emotional pain that I wish I could go into a deep sleep forever, and I just wouldn't have to deal with life anymore. I really wish I didn't fuck up so much all the time. I have such a wonderful boyfriend who is keeping me level but at the same time I just really want to leave the world. I am really tired. ",1.5921609403254957,3.2734441835443064,4.196238698010852,85.07873417721521,78.68354430379749,8.05858951175407,22.678119349005428,8.841846274778883,1.5757056057866183,583,18,127,14,14,206,97,158,0.138,0.752,0.11,-0.6583,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,3,9,6,1,1,7,0,16,8,3,0,1,26,32,11,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,2,18,2,17,23,4,20,0,1,1,1,3,10,1,3,7,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495256905250475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214764147248115,0.16353346608202965,0.14355939659985065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882421240556302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557616218928715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923743499750966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283140394331086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319315724412065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338249079604242,0.0,0.0,0.08226836651694988,0.0,0.11577487247743835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866609018504974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327606770843044,0.0,0.0,0.2044913742135505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801864992196904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282513824006094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009372299819348,0.15403095667844524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27820386304327555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153520649363191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43458265754148506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581790359718815,0.0,0.0,0.15833994602824708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881717720930542,0.16637612353748582,0.1372120887148237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194391443615302,0.08538104252098942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062008554398394,0.0,0.332925304569677,0.0,0.1569820807682561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bot100992,2019/01/30,Hi I'm new here I just want to know the most lethal way to go. I want to die on the 1st try. I dont care about the pain level. I just want to do the people around me a favor and just die. Thanks.,-2.8822695035460977,-1.3128345106382966,0.01819148936170123,108.88416666666667,96.23404255319151,3.1333333333333333,7.833333333333332,3.1291,-2.626543262411348,146,0,44,0,6,50,31,47,0.253,0.5720000000000001,0.175,-0.8035,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,10,1,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,7,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428117745868545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568709530016673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5229505995236664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29527333487664303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318405048313348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846035322720393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433264837794895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680833133166424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466437956979586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319537056585411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105160926314586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445804530473173,0.19997928221042746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaysed12345,2019/01/30,"I feel physically ill It's a terrible feeling and I don't know what to do.  I really hate myself, sometimes I can feel it, other times I'm really numb.  I've never felt so bad in my life.  I feel trapped.  I can't stand hearing myself speak, and sometimes I'm haunted by behaviors that I hate.  I can't explain it.  I've never felt so horrible in my life.  I really hate myself to the point where I feel sick physically.  I've never actually felt like retching or throwing up over the thought of myself before.",1.015744336569579,3.415249271844658,3.910898058252428,82.31126618122978,85.40776699029126,6.928478964401295,24.11731391585761,8.07648339933343,1.8211042071197407,397,16,77,9,12,141,57,103,0.3670000000000001,0.62,0.013,-0.9912,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,3,0,5,5,0,0,3,17,22,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,11,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,10,16,1,8,18,0,12,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,47,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.14634399145125615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521432628371712,0.0,0.0,0.12760898135000048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791334905502285,0.0,0.4319691158618796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441775153492254,0.0,0.0,0.16902120484099833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241672052301338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184911653534136,0.07326521591905917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469862473896118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417651888874084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28821383214378915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29663800168966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905528315664728,0.08744566851615311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asonginyourhead,2019/01/30,"What if I died tomorrow? What if I go through with it?

Will anyone miss me?

Would anyone cry?

Will they just throw my possessions away and not look back?

I don't know. And I don't think anyone that has committed suicide will ever know. 

I want all my pain to go the fuck away, but I know that if I kill myself, I'm just giving that pain to everyone that cares about me. 
I'm giving them more pain than I would ever have to go through. 

Is that fair? 

At this point, I don't care. 

So, fuck... ",-0.12745954692556438,1.988100970873788,1.5050728155339819,99.55980987055015,87.83495145631069,4.986731391585762,15.379449838187703,6.42735559955562,-0.6642355987055018,372,7,90,4,12,120,59,103,0.269,0.601,0.13,-0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,0,7,9,3,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,4,21,29,7,3,6,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,0,1,16,2,11,24,2,12,0,1,1,2,4,4,2,3,4,63,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000916639236503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688182886775094,0.11000395349275292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917174649864487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714418394754587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847321332318694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25881108324257024,0.0,0.13669951838216587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645124736391521,0.0,0.27447148742786154,0.24391209522915744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582741817688895,0.0,0.23586534078245516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013398070007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566763017696546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352375034896828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648391408648465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166677488364812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438022152720391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325078115639134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MountainCider,2019/01/30,There's noone human that cares See above,0.5874999999999986,1.7917427500000045,-0.754999999999999,107.6,121.5,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-3.06745,34,0,7,0,2,9,8,8,0.0,0.667,0.333,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7878991056463311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6158043514962455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alabardios,2019/01/30,"I have so much to look forward to... Instead i just want to crawl into a hole and die. Hubby finished school, has a side business that is starting to pick up and will lead to me having a cushy job in it too. One I'd be paid well as a salary position and work only a few hours each morning managing the server. But who knows when that will be.

I have hopes and dreams things I want to live for.

But they all seem like pipe dreams. So far away and never really getting closer. He's been saying ""soon, it will all happen soon! Just hold on a little longer."" For years. I don't have anything left in me to wait with.  The goal posts keep moving, every fucking time I feel like I've made progress towards my dreams the post moves another 10 feet.

I give myself till my 31st birthday if we're not fully in the process of moving into the next chapter of our lives I'm done. ",1.6133278255122256,3.604566578651685,2.6800462656972925,94.49724058162592,79.84269662921349,5.08711169861203,20.02115003304693,5.900188976854957,-0.13291315267680126,673,17,146,4,17,214,126,178,0.022,0.843,0.135,0.9412,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,4,10,5,1,0,11,0,14,2,1,3,3,30,31,13,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,3,3,3,1,5,3,1,1,1,4,3,14,4,23,22,5,32,0,0,1,1,6,15,1,3,14,94,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555481887729528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220717807924426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393709982873159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395425706769955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180406890965187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249834623469255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500552989137936,0.10597464667594968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713861393843582,0.07750190853909608,0.14230194453070333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117721704710208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733581529527462,0.14608573742937234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720528451376946,0.13185205607668835,0.0,0.0,0.08152418539663896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117263646029556,0.0,0.0,0.14494357474566932,0.14867638130035704,0.2619751634597935,0.0,0.1245688520730376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036358482442998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729881577937454,0.10904750436342256,0.0,0.11440951537811593,0.0,0.15776204853538456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005195172848364,0.11281980914763105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284138827073655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503086969269828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796650192714984,0.0,0.15012873761938084,0.0,0.13504382869733528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499633172801112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855098911977174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649867219908701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749904110736969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337613067650106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079938176845697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552656614911602
suicidewatch,Ruslanvich,2019/01/30,"My friend took over 100, 200mg Ibuprofen pills My friend is 110 lbs and took over 100 pills of ibuprofen which is over 20,000mg. She's afraid to go to the hospital because they might put her in a psych ward. What should I do, is there any way for me to help her at home?",2.9546551724137937,3.5491863620689656,2.8822413793103467,100.22439655172415,73.3103448275862,6.4896551724137925,21.396551724137925,5.985473137389443,-0.26697931034482725,211,4,54,1,4,63,44,58,0.0,0.846,0.154,0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,2,10,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,0,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079417616398986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103013827750915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335284531083106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945185195665054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880571555286059,0.0,0.28143009477877645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976356817557756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820458426261956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6234372372337093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269985234961973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobrossdrinksvoss,2019/01/30,"Committing suicide before I move house Basically to cut a long story short I suffer from Bipolar and CPTSD, my CPTSD has been awful these last few months as have my depressive episodes. They’re basically unbearable and I’m not the kind of person to reach out for help either, (which I guess is why I’m posting this on a semi-anonymous website?) none of my friends or family have ANY idea I feel so dreadful and hopeless at the moment either. 

Months ago I knew I was being kicked out as I don’t get on with my stepfather and mum wants to continue her life with him and wants me out of the house (our relationship has deteriorated massively to nothing, I feel as though she doesn’t love me or care at the moment), however due to being very mentally ill I don’t work, I’m not reliable enough for any job due to mood swings and flashbacks etc. I don’t have any place to go and the idea of living with other people makes me feel almost claustrophobic? Very restricted and anxious I suppose. There’s two weeks til I have to leave, I haven’t got a place to rent as nowhere accepts people round here who aren’t in full time employment, and I can only stay at friends for so long. This is panicking me so much and making me feel TERRIBLE about my life’s direction and the fact I’m a burden, no one really wants me etc; because if your own mother would rather see you homeless than have you live with her that’s a bit of a kick on the teeth. 

Basically I’ve been planning  to kill myself before the big move, I don’t know how to do it, I’m not sleeping at the moment because every time I’m alone it’s just constant stress and overpowering thoughts; due to that I’m also over exerting myself spending absolutely no time alone and around friends constantly to serve as a distraction. I just don’t know what to do, I’m really self aware and psychs have always commented on that but it also unfortunately means no professional ever takes me seriously when I say things are getting bad and why etc. So I’ve lost all hope in getting better, right now the best case scenario for me is getting sectioned, at least then I’ll have somewhere to live, support and everything else my brain is so desperately aching for? if not I don’t know what I’d do. 

Sorry, rant over ",7.661231869254342,6.427628995505617,7.837512768130747,74.89847548518898,63.53932584269664,11.14708886618999,34.38457609805924,10.230975488527342,3.2276741573033707,1793,63,353,34,22,586,231,445,0.171,0.772,0.057,-0.9898,6,2,0,0,0,3,34.0,1,3,0,5,19,25,2,3,17,1,33,8,3,3,4,66,70,38,2,8,14,2,5,0,3,1,4,1,1,2,15,24,0,1,13,0,2,3,17,13,0,2,7,7,42,11,55,60,16,53,0,4,2,1,21,24,0,7,24,225,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252179853399589,0.0,0.081923348507278,0.1694660447809567,0.0,0.13085076960645836,0.06807451027789274,0.0,0.0,0.16690580954873208,0.0,0.0,0.09242477882257127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283042362743385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830997645399799,0.09974421742623038,0.0,0.1392327343052718,0.0,0.08585711634967626,0.07235646150134357,0.08931800356224956,0.0,0.0,0.0913297485441892,0.0,0.0,0.08341324286181019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682038294421626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046494125365499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834380204204171,0.0,0.0,0.08453412823663589,0.2737275157185192,0.0,0.07400404272278842,0.06893051566129604,0.0,0.0735277526232617,0.0,0.07712549449421417,0.0,0.16546732682153814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962428225864508,0.0,0.17097450878759116,0.0,0.0464958993507132,0.0,0.0654328880705751,0.0,0.09012563466969536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483715910691735,0.0,0.0,0.08125822035150697,0.0,0.188801160406668,0.0,0.1847125902339564,0.0,0.0,0.08118623039451693,0.0,0.09051335176833487,0.08519507455699604,0.13488594489386846,0.06668806417175559,0.0,0.08662756924407825,0.0,0.0,0.1155731024702347,0.0,0.0,0.21672567036442125,0.14480288331120353,0.0,0.0,0.08930795095820578,0.0,0.07383892814774362,0.0,0.10922088814006373,0.0,0.0,0.08911773959841911,0.0,0.0,0.08244770470733749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306038303070884,0.17390736878937352,0.060141562461147886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850124998475022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543823182970718,0.06222205302465372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134369000629527,0.07143547360806822,0.17095318974089688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835370977008567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482229774490257,0.0,0.0,0.0878359512894523,0.0,0.06986738325136779,0.0,0.06506054205816887,0.0,0.0,0.0651939284593793,0.0,0.08534822549889448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187153159066397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915823370262034,0.0,0.0872011836697748,0.0,0.0,0.0937158823326418,0.0,0.0,0.08948953899807771,0.09283979603715356,0.0,0.0,0.06151277892507372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435255490122649,0.0,0.08038031440159799,0.06494994487074288,0.14311648837548346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991887351058982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500767475734018,0.1447653038800875,0.0,0.06562501062953413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764601772865724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595604362484882,0.0,0.0,0.05811721547504285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tomaiit,2019/01/30,"I’m gonna eat random mushrooms I don’t know what they are, they came from my local park. I’m sick of life. I fucking hate myself. If I can make it through the day tomorrow it’ll be my time.",-1.028372093023254,0.8597005813953515,1.4849302325581384,99.7339069767442,89.69767441860466,4.370232558139535,17.902325581395353,5.6839178017228535,-0.5942893023255813,147,4,37,1,5,50,35,43,0.181,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.807,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,0,5,13,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,3,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,3,20,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598161524306729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927661779344097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41137789290735227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716710120898393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969221991027814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094562301592774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28396625551974514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683586921763445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442740244621574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tirri_Mayin,2019/01/30,"How to cope with having to stay alive even though you don't want to Hello everyone, 
I hope you're having a decent day. I'm new to this group. 

I don't usually post my troubles on social media, but I'm having a hard time finding someone who can understand and give me some advice(?) 

I'm going to be as direct as possible: I want to kill myself. I honestly do. I'm not looking for attention, I don't want people trying to persuade me otherwise or telling me life is beautiful and worth living. 

The issue is that my parents are still alive. And I love them more than anything, just like they love me. I'm their only child, and I know that if I were to die (by suicide or any other way) it would destroy them. I don't want to hurt them. I want them to be happy. So I can't kill myself just yet, as long as they're alive. 

What I'm looking for, though, is some advice on how to cope with the fact that I can't kill myself even though I want to. How do I accept the fact that I have to carry on living. How do you do it? Is there any way I could distract myself? 

I hope my questions don't sound too rhetoric or ambiguous. 
Thank you. ",2.4181279178338,3.479780794117648,4.093557422969187,89.26402427637724,75.09243697478992,6.801493930905696,22.88608776844071,7.1686216300943375,0.6828984126984121,871,23,192,9,18,293,117,238,0.179,0.619,0.202,0.865,1,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,3,6,0,16,16,4,1,5,0,26,3,0,4,2,39,49,21,5,11,8,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,6,0,1,1,8,7,0,0,1,4,37,9,26,44,3,15,0,1,2,2,20,3,0,10,8,133,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361062354802954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865357090138828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994342217941027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726602599597251,0.0,0.0,0.0704885449396374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343467466327672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443813684515607,0.0,0.0,0.10443948135313892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989692609870696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484916162268733,0.06211690434361724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635037557182147,0.09791006325910824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711631224226255,0.0,0.0,0.11700639524684,0.0,0.0,0.11407932552743945,0.0,0.0,0.3627680693648693,0.0,0.06006764362215618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720082255736087,0.05339776748939564,0.0,0.1930253050674181,0.0967258078338905,0.1835665668130136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729247957941745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556125396787634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312649867555706,0.0,0.0,0.12136314344330745,0.0,0.0,0.07577387649927042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321773158069388,0.10467783100707576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243942876737975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141614257625278,0.09260833593776896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649774841020495,0.08728599074792015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955491153678975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955317803606649,0.1006274518560039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221559129203522,0.0,0.06373288356290249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742065643105426,0.0,0.0,0.11378368105936533,0.0,0.0,0.12037694921074643,0.0,0.3868028217097447,0.17351225785072524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764257848096133,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doodiewolf,2019/01/30,"My dog is the only reason I'm alive right now I don't belong on this planet. If it weren't for my dog, tonight would be my last night here. His sister passed and I refuse to leave him alone, no matter how bad it gets for me. 

I can't wait for the day to come. Can't wait to finally will be at peace.",1.2316176470588225,1.8249236323529416,2.9022352941176486,98.47805882352941,77.38235294117645,6.028235294117647,16.541176470588233,5.6839178017228535,-0.8684329411764704,229,2,61,1,5,76,50,68,0.158,0.74,0.102,-0.4404,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,0,10,14,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,8,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285612268874093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648791349486632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27327106023546505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459122744798428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475169592089987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574292049576314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585899990920246,0.0,0.3359075320356653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770486213775466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412725700615511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32617184490050083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709181439875302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535562973032536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,razepro2,2019/01/30,"I’m young and I don’t understand how I’m still alive I haven’t had too many people to look to and a big handful of lives of my favorite artists / friends have been claimed by something. Everyday I feel less and less like I used to be. How do I go about trying to continue through my daily struggle. I only find happiness through video games and rarely drawing / listening to music. I’ve tried to kill myself 4 times and have been bullied for being short but bulky (not fat, just muscular). Everyday I feel myself putting on the mask but I feel I’ve been revealing myself but the bad part if you can imagine. I’m sick of people telling me, “just don’t be depressed” or “feel better about yourself” and I guess they only mean the best. I find myself crying to sleep or just passing out of over exhaustion. Everyday I have been suffering depression and anxiety attacks daily that isn’t helped by the verbal abuse from others around me. What should I do besides clinical help and talking to my parents. I try to talk to friends but I find myself thinking about offing myself every other day . Do I have something that I don’t know about that might be affecting me? I don’t really know who to ask. Please if someone does see this and I’m still alive I’d like to chat but don’t expect an instant response as I might be sleeping.",3.0078205128205155,5.213614576923078,3.838846153846156,86.83532051282053,76.30769230769229,6.7948717948717965,27.371794871794876,7.793537801064563,1.7441794871794882,1050,43,201,16,24,335,141,260,0.172,0.7070000000000001,0.121,-0.9616,1,0,2,0,1,1,20.0,0,1,1,2,13,15,2,1,6,0,28,8,5,4,0,47,48,21,1,4,13,1,5,2,2,3,4,1,0,0,8,11,1,0,14,4,0,3,8,8,0,0,5,8,32,7,32,35,4,18,0,3,2,0,15,6,0,7,11,137,40,0,0.0,0.13739595636708174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871057942012063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032307267632014,0.10840877573557224,0.13192346647823686,0.0,0.0,0.09682339005188964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169491919900438,0.1025589270907895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737876420407024,0.07478586873303675,0.0,0.19975572664940705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147908970075284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770294985895783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345353981562912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31796138259554496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918384007254184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590385229717093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774516889453996,0.0,0.0,0.12344365913646176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545371031190985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829472381784818,0.0,0.12745931739338048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330630908948087,0.0,0.1023965322258258,0.0,0.09737883780413063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756722307403078,0.0,0.12631656618255874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603462133676735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638858692602605,0.0,0.0,0.1287620296652784,0.12557549862011586,0.0,0.1607868395104632,0.0,0.0,0.12729140565772762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657379532049154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428819879278416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240666578897687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320914059364901,0.0,0.09825418954183034,0.17854635920478298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521473671777555,0.0,0.0,0.1212286151098136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864116563567017,0.10135586132475972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430373946992108,0.0,0.0,0.06761834945230831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23619166982707346,0.0,0.0,0.12072048646988552,0.0,0.1001538982773614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,markyousssef,2019/01/30,"Update Hello r/SuicideWatch! I used to post a lot on here because I was in an extremely bad place. I was taking care of my very ill mother for about to years, limiting what I could do with my life and truly trapping me inside my house. She then died, which was the worst emotional pain I have ever experienced. I wanted to kill myself so badly, and I posted on here a lot. 4 months later, I can say that I am doing a lot better now than ever before. I'm starting to come to terms with everything and accepting my life. I've had many close calls with my life within that time period, and I'm lucky to be writing this right now. I just wanted to say thanks to all the members of this community. You guys have really helped me out and supported me when I needed it the most. I want to return the favor to others as much as I can. I want to help out others as you guys have helped me. Everything gets better with time. Thank you all so much.",3.33495535714286,4.397473656250007,4.938779761904762,84.08062500000005,72.85416666666666,7.985714285714287,21.526785714285715,8.418075326091056,1.0689660714285716,730,15,151,12,14,247,113,192,0.123,0.708,0.16899999999999998,0.5422,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,3,0,3,11,14,1,0,8,0,14,5,0,1,4,33,30,12,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,9,13,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,3,28,9,29,24,10,28,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,5,16,113,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022281344770435,0.0730898650348259,0.0,0.1020259822713884,0.0,0.0,0.2120834326838889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224312016120334,0.0,0.12224593706188287,0.0,0.0,0.10328314558409127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957303123203681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244371645155011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487124732111944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216912644530616,0.0,0.0,0.21551659451427976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264274809175256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374394995851956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410991230232767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834838438376426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326514726428154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540665317501645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058038172101636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155967767964397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570295478268068,0.0,0.17628044198230886,0.08890425522386752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758194519111152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252698741626425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296619180478908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681094496010836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239385788866816,0.0,0.1906984228590941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486576502406992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360609835298954,0.0,0.0,0.09014980167398436,0.0,0.0,0.22077543429381427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982918962841026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035550153743926,0.0,0.098929972897704,0.28288026568615576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721160332884629
suicidewatch,Infected356,2019/01/30,"I know there’s a lot of you who feel the same way... I wanna die but I don’t want to at the same time… I don’t wanna be In pain but it’s what I really hate to feel but I like it... I really wish I could just end it right now and not have to worry for feel this way for another second but what’s stopping me? 

Hell I don’t even know at this point but I keep on going… despite that Everything I’ve gone through.. I’m still alive and I say too people that no I’m gonna kms but I can’t do it... something is stopping me… 

Why do I keep going? I mean it’s basically a form of torture and yet I’m okay with it and down play it? 

Yeah I’m hurting and I hate myself but I don’t know what to do… I wanna cry… I personally have no one beside me, and if one day If I somehow I meet that special someone, I pray I won’t hurt them…

Tbh I don’t why I’m alive, I don’t wanna be but I keep on living.

Much love 
- some random person on Reddit ",-2.3663127506014447,-0.6205973441860415,1.186960705693668,99.75744186046512,96.86046511627909,4.081796311146753,13.92542101042502,5.727593064623523,-1.0645765838011227,701,14,185,6,29,253,106,215,0.206,0.625,0.16899999999999998,-0.9113,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,0,8,12,4,0,4,2,16,2,0,0,0,44,39,16,1,9,12,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,16,7,0,5,7,1,0,2,11,7,0,3,1,4,29,5,21,33,6,20,2,2,0,1,7,9,1,6,8,122,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146043028543315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771125543688527,0.0,0.0,0.08700304136363507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001085850546316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194864428591502,0.0,0.0,0.08910396846953265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124457969451426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046371857349405,0.09637668709861127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667004053802923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26638297583931153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888387681768204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597312588548245,0.0,0.0,0.2224219986587836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590812986115749,0.0,0.11912423937385964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469203526279635,0.1217576967738617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695189905093253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917124082569008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283124065112266,0.0,0.14354921815804714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352665340154936,0.2355889759684752,0.0,0.0,0.12752952901012646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728481420860563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520876423452225,0.0,0.1072824585970601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430519510809715,0.1038570289974982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077358976555749,0.2255744774380243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866462145864048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957090031579439,0.21416379299376725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434628929133961,0.0,0.15513494237322573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700332672144594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,we_all_finna_die,2019/01/30,Bye everyone I'mma go now. I'll probably fail because I keep chickening out after I feel the rope constrict my throat for even a few seconds but hopefully I'll manage. cya.,2.5340909090909065,5.379504151515154,4.4335606060606105,77.97034090909092,83.24242424242425,8.148484848484847,29.46212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.3219757575757582,139,7,23,4,4,47,29,33,0.071,0.818,0.112,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,13,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663376273653641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28857639346141994,0.0,0.0,0.4174883392102143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091594063952394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24830727704985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339524068823051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883476463084713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710652582316526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rainhider,2019/01/30,"Meh on my life. I’m so depressed about my job bc I think my boss doesn’t want me there. He’s a good boss but I may have pushed him over the edge by stating the truth and then being a bit sassy bc I was exhausted, sick, and incredibly frustrated. ",-0.03955974842767064,2.0393443207547186,1.8814150943396264,97.30690251572331,86.92452830188678,5.79748427672956,18.26729559748428,7.1686216300943375,0.02098993710691844,191,5,47,3,6,63,43,53,0.277,0.621,0.102,-0.9093,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,5,3,0,2,1,9,8,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,4,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,27,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942404231132023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899171610523203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37971040472702655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492433245352016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31976139628772754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900773222940677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670191980274177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BaytheDuchie,2019/01/30,"I tried..... Please just help me, I am 11 and I haven’t slept in 24 hours. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t sleep I start to break down and cry in class, and I haven’t eaten in 2 days. My parents are getting worried and I can’t stop thinking about dieing. I want to die I want to stop feeling sad, what is wrong with me?

I want to talk to someone anyone at all, I’ve tried to give my mom a clue but, she’s looked pasts them. A note of my pillow, a desperate text for help, me sobbing in my room. Nothing.

I have asked and asked again “Can I talk to someone?” And she just reflects it changing the subject.

JUST HELP ME",-1.035916702447402,0.9570450218978124,0.8171747531129263,103.55748389866896,91.48175182481752,3.5155002146844136,17.547874624302274,4.514644488427479,-1.0436960927436665,476,13,121,1,17,154,78,137,0.16699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.124,-0.6966,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,10,3,2,0,1,22,24,7,2,3,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,2,25,0,18,22,1,15,0,2,1,0,13,7,1,0,7,72,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412044461896484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27841911815904313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752568917890122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356924502307096,0.09603381037250183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090874991279283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529272686723094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077798664175479,0.14284682019768685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994311436914745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664510127981806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183634237411229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504582753941307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744001020159178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288194019627232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534551980929688,0.0,0.14215022984155262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345706642280847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490162676745521,0.0,0.25233976328995283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539836380473216,0.0,0.0,0.24898872788387225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937438932063004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541469995747996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219850279208126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634906768428276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512240410513799,0.0,0.0,0.3256166350334033,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carmensimone,2019/01/30,"so sad I'm so sad my chest physically hurts. I keep getting deep waves and it feels like the physical manifestation of devastation.   


I'm hurt. Nothing I do is enough. I go day to day thinking I'm doing really well, being good to people, but then he told me I don't do anything. I want to die I am tired of feeling this way and Idk",0.8624285714285733,2.827920957142858,3.818571428571431,85.49642857142858,82.28571428571428,6.857142857142858,22.857142857142854,7.957251820313856,1.1840000000000006,257,9,57,5,7,92,51,70,0.295,0.611,0.095,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,8,18,6,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,2,8,3,5,16,1,6,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793297022832609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945656568671547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370169470962553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359721774337735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23094628299072206,0.16315097551146418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931638725645685,0.0,0.129790640069254,0.19154991508948688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.488959811882317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029899815366495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157237299495272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913174331578905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832630481656434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630272032400354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633332603766674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624831934850986,0.0,0.21822187175233365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470135153706056,0.1812732560023423,0.0,0.0,0.205336337627574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,proknows,2019/01/30,There should be a company to help you suicide. This would be a company that would come and kill you. Obviously it would be expensive but as someone who wants to die it probably doesn’t matter. They would probably help with methods/time and stuff. Idk I just find shooting myself and jumping is hard so if some else handles it then that would be great. ,3.9072139303482594,6.209859447761192,4.263507462686569,84.38441542288558,73.92537313432838,8.048756218905472,29.07711442786069,8.841846274778883,2.461171144278607,281,12,53,6,6,88,49,67,0.17800000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.154,-0.2382,0,0,1,1,0,1,6.0,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,12,0,0,0,1,19,14,8,3,8,3,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933036928361513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196374454647375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451394116005054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905402214547338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039237971767937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569168490845315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24795534700917946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463559666651596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988456051818632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671965380606118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173987475644868,0.20232092669768525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909673824304184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6569666702748518,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phyi,2019/01/30,I feel like a burden I can't find a job. I can't get lawyers to call me back to help me with my disability case. I can't afford to go back to school. I lost the place I was living into flooding last year. I'm tired and I just want to die.,-0.5225000000000009,0.6669903214285746,2.2637142857142862,98.78128571428572,83.28571428571428,5.194285714285715,16.557142857142857,5.6839178017228535,-0.8816457142857144,182,3,50,1,5,64,38,56,0.22,0.6609999999999999,0.119,-0.7579,2,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,10,1,7,8,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,28,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945851745260862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26199474928472555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662873784597122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973350854451585,0.18329932139598848,0.0,0.0,0.2345075758005428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405137632163727,0.0,0.1458191480232587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197877517480292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461400064663675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914525445557688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535101425169168,0.0,0.22656300912999944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800851150807728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680693225422437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596705588631519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948985814693443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133630829029732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652277719213736
suicidewatch,Bay_20,2019/01/30,I'm just over this I'm in my 3rd year of college. I have no friends. Theres a few people I talk to during my classes and i have 3 people that I would call friends but occasionally see. I've tried everything. I'm obviously just a loser. I spend most of my time in my room alone. I've considered changing schools or even just taking a semester off. But I cant. And I'm just done. Just starting the semester this week and have spent the last few night just crying. It's all so much. I feel so empty and so alone. I just want this all to be done.,-0.7855448717948725,1.3607399487179492,1.6840972222222241,96.0128125,93.95726495726495,4.976282051282052,18.42361111111111,6.6274283507984215,-0.01380299145299091,422,13,100,6,16,143,68,117,0.165,0.7809999999999999,0.053,-0.9254,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,3,21,18,10,0,2,10,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,12,2,8,13,6,11,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,2,6,64,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075968239946024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092814810485335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081606903162113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614688458740847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027360273861304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996730226173953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768476893612497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949479403751724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040540473295846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039698802134492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465145440151045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465897124355687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272836486207108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914568766041785,0.15680331843538947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927757613474262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794948071957134,0.15815940366530956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474044097055325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359655857243333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606234189353425,0.0,0.157840149876537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978252975488895,0.0,0.0,0.12671593731664227
suicidewatch,motorcycle_sidecar,2019/01/30,"Trans, cant pass, may never be able to come out, nobody cares Eh, thats pretty much it. I’ve told some friends and my therapist that I’m trans, they all still see me as a woman (im ftm. woman=wrong). My dad is elderly and I cant come out to my family for fear of putting my dad through another trauma (he’s been through a lot along with the pains of nearing death). My mom would make it about her/think it was her fault, and I have no idea how the professional world would treat me (I’m going into medicine as a career)

As of now, I cannot pass for male. I’m a manlet who likes animu and has a twinky/pudgy body. I have anxiety and depression. I’m unattractive and doubt I’ll be able to find  love like this. Many of my friends are only my friends to take advantage of me (im too generous with my money).

There’s nothing left for me here, but I can’t traumatize my dad by dying just yet. I almost did today though, so who knows when my willpower will finally run out. Thanks for reading, I hope yall get better.",1.71729198966408,3.1630664372093023,3.3929844961240327,92.01092377260984,77.65116279069767,7.010335917312663,22.17700258397933,7.793537801064563,0.7611808785529721,784,22,182,12,18,261,137,215,0.1,0.743,0.157,0.9042,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,2,12,18,0,2,7,0,18,3,1,2,2,32,35,14,2,3,2,4,0,2,3,4,1,0,0,2,8,15,0,0,3,1,1,7,6,6,0,0,4,1,24,12,28,25,4,21,0,1,1,1,17,7,0,6,9,109,32,3,0.2680183447682826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419082855787273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405203017197601,0.10251665007463333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185202228338912,0.0,0.14885398031340275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663128248878853,0.0,0.0,0.23087407205177005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542190380889705,0.0,0.13908036361498533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633192121284945,0.15079757569979382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680049803022985,0.12248195577824865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31060546247958754,0.0,0.07001426154609604,0.0,0.07616050090849699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310134552347072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128004396917086,0.28950580452862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364793649969739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145601357900916,0.0,0.0,0.13094022512426468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139298061476426,0.12094851014409748,0.0,0.0894521631646918,0.1358642672262052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694992305609365,0.0,0.0,0.09851216099534213,0.0,0.10335613514607432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858541514994934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192001428272188,0.14259520776589646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633550548179074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347162318278375,0.0,0.0,0.13404543716937645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678796016412324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070198981726802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075821998559516,0.0,0.0,0.12337764123118945,0.0,0.15559497789404722,0.0,0.08586766661053855,0.1316633314656871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702502613892352,0.1280515070499648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039254230140712,0.1465179928897412,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Msmrme,2019/01/31,How long does it take to die in the cold? Right now outside it’s -6°F feels like -18°F how long would it take to become unconscious and eventually die?,-1.834607843137256,-0.09673661764705699,0.8494117647058843,99.06568627450982,106.35294117647058,4.619607843137255,14.490196078431374,6.42735559955562,-0.5301803921568626,121,3,30,2,6,41,25,34,0.223,0.7090000000000001,0.068,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,4,3,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959457348676965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562096850605607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344975377652309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549090149660245,0.19143389073714992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091391819290407,0.0,0.0,0.4742802963222468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288402169486005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029519074352795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035429092726186,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imadethistofindhelp,2019/01/31,"Looking for advice One of my close friends says that he struggles with thoughts of suicide. He sees a counselor about once a month, and I don't think he's on any meds. 

Somedays he'll text me and say that it's too difficult to keep on living, that the pain is too much. I tell him that I'll do whatever I can to help, and that I'll be there no matter what. I try to remind him that he's not alone. I'm not sure what else to say or what else to do. Is there anything else I can do?",2.543791722296397,2.650726476635516,3.7153538050734336,95.65084112149536,73.95327102803739,6.861949265687584,24.631508678237648,6.18269132825596,0.3513321762349806,371,10,95,2,7,121,64,107,0.158,0.762,0.08,-0.8527,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,13,16,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,5,9,2,12,13,1,4,0,0,2,0,13,3,0,1,1,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793809504805651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012153767675766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483283086632367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106118124681805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600436182376408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182451778845992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304205275703352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316405979717902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209429154168067,0.0,0.15415125280025554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039031491298577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652257374952465,0.0,0.1349439216354578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549439261970364,0.1243907225800658,0.0,0.19532975774699304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379429630580157,0.0,0.0,0.14628027628669305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190558560583956,0.0,0.20079407390772588,0.0,0.17301107787203365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604469036002187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762324120227148,0.0,0.14573283287288818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463091785254145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whoagordoo,2019/01/31,"I got into it with my dad tonight and really don’t see a reason to keep going My mom isn’t in my life and a large part is due to her explosiveness. My dad works me up to a point where I say some of the most hateful things I can come up with and I hate myself. I hate that I lose control like that. I should know better and know to calm down. I hurt his feelings tonight and I really don’t know how to fix it and have just been thinking about going upstairs and quietly ending it while he’s sleeping. I’m really lost. I’m just sad all of the time, I struggle to find love for myself and it spills into other aspects of my life. I realized tonight I am my mother and I no longer see a point in being here. I don’t want to be hateful like her and after what I said I feel like I need to go. I hate that I’m angry all of the time and I hate that I can’t hide things like others. I try to hide my issues but it just drags me down so far that I can’t pull out of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t. ",0.6185428637094929,1.7461200567685609,3.0231900712479884,94.85485405653874,79.87336244541486,6.0437600551597335,19.039531142266146,6.5966054737557815,-0.1608917030567687,779,16,196,7,19,270,109,229,0.151,0.7809999999999999,0.068,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,8,18,6,1,7,0,17,4,1,3,2,41,46,15,0,3,4,4,2,4,0,1,2,3,0,0,17,17,0,2,10,0,0,5,9,11,0,0,4,7,38,7,29,39,5,27,0,4,2,1,11,13,0,2,13,134,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582412552696553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943731836221462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919181582449062,0.0,0.0,0.11968035711473225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451024255249553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790797458568877,0.07623110920485643,0.0,0.0,0.09752776215465332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193120376762234,0.0,0.0853428958890846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321031672548679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423146168613567,0.0,0.0,0.11137381059963763,0.0,0.09484559563007204,0.0,0.0,0.23457229723299586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073984264697698,0.20852552608673974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937722310326927,0.11648269525369034,0.0,0.09630673722788494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497330458797412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912148060652892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555268688826854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174417165569775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27343553699323125,0.10971200253976364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150226948636967,0.08485725192763781,0.0,0.0,0.17006245064739162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678351212750506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155274999990113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417820478667543,0.06837318454588949,0.0,0.0,0.12444277821744555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244667515836868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293822888200802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776835664716597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sugaryhydra80,2019/01/31,"Discord Server for Mental Help and more.. I really enjoy helping others, and I have made a discord for helping those will mental help issues. If you are in need of mental help there are many people available to help. https://discord.gg/PBRtNV9",6.440853658536586,9.70801009756098,5.963597560975611,70.56295731707318,69.97560975609757,6.051219512195122,24.88414634146341,7.1686216300943375,1.607092682926829,198,6,26,2,4,61,30,41,0.101,0.541,0.359,0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7371142614807681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130239583697545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342912906290348,0.0,0.18582268345708647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.554125887955302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590384239081624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706705662174406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741735568744482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Largeheadphones,2019/01/31,"I'm unlovable I think I'm going to do it either tonight or tomorrow, before I work on the weekend. It's my time  I've been fighting this battle for too long, too alone, and I couldn't ever have done anything to win. Were all results of our childhood, and my parents didn't do a good job, but it isn't their fault. Nobody knows what they're doing. I'm not going to be able to right my wrongs, I'm not able to leave a note. For God sakes my sister is engaged and is the first person in this generation of my extended family that is going to get married, and I cant even tell her I cant make the wedding now",4.933478735005451,3.8484980076335913,6.210861504907308,83.8659541984733,68.92366412213741,8.707088331515813,29.401308615049075,7.447530270364453,1.5850209378407847,473,14,106,4,7,161,86,131,0.075,0.823,0.102,0.6604,2,1,0,0,2,0,12.0,1,0,1,3,5,8,2,0,5,0,16,0,0,2,2,16,27,6,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,1,0,3,7,5,0,1,4,0,13,3,12,21,2,15,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,9,69,20,2,0.4093365454772725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197460583572933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842454959687878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415762557000067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209446702318154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518146387141702,0.18513417017184475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929430325281764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409072823664834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693072513450112,0.0,0.3489530879386893,0.1716660367527389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310167986053448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124803301594124,0.0,0.0,0.2167141490645601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112498083874967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661766132822345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272598960191629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870844133208336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478558663035218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788890914928542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114316502827494,0.0,0.0,0.11934371573254887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490009401410908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22377262687597835,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaymeplos,2019/01/31,"I struggle every day knowing I’m basically labeled as a stalker and threat due to a mistake. Doesn’t matter that I improved myself and identified that I did something wrong, as well as tried seeking help for the emotional pain I was dealing with during and after the situation, but nope, I’m a threat and stalker, no corrections. Almost makes me feel like my effort at trying to be the nicest and friendliest person I can be was all for nothing. 

Every day in my head, I just feel like everyone I talk to and all of my teachers just have me marked off in their mind as “he’s a bad person.”",11.991206896551724,6.799725706896558,11.385517241379313,65.08620689655173,59.17241379310346,13.66896551724138,45.3793103448276,10.125756701596842,4.674748275862068,466,19,86,6,4,154,75,116,0.161,0.655,0.183,0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,2,1,7,0,8,2,1,1,3,21,14,11,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,2,14,3,16,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850618703709277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430975708283984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837606246258106,0.1905323860799944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078878930249112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31142306525175056,0.17659516416401344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868923423225982,0.2640585297212111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896697624482156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387515177376708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156748433605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057898016358215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336301073544614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660677899045885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733147403445085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665230581467813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227402833898493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077356998951743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227680574988202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932049491249902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485443620306861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509495496661394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661675979634747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020621982781476,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway525362,2019/01/31,"I am never going to be ok. Hi. Im 15 and Ive wanted to die for a really long time already. I dont want to live because I just cant handle it. Life is too hard for me. I am never going to be happy and normal. I might as well end it now, and prevent a life of suffering. ",-2.637656249999999,-1.0328069531249966,2.0956250000000023,94.286875,95.09375,4.45,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.7278687500000003,201,4,51,2,8,79,44,64,0.151,0.706,0.14300000000000002,-0.1336,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,9,2,0,0,2,11,13,4,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,8,10,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455761946596796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565708706981905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309592889979667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26081285515413866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971025974858136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529469248189428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368958177601568,0.19935031914355525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403792060819363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143703129723633,0.0,0.0,0.19650511340259136,0.19693910941591086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360776293679568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34327001837580856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21803997108835108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425635283825411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976368572636726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262517332698833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008836973438596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrCheggersPartyQuiz,2019/01/31,"I wish to end my life because I am responsible for the death of my dog. I don’t know if anyone else has ever lived through such a burden like this, but I have made a post about how I am responsible for my dog's death. Truth be told, I now wish for death to await me. I cannot live with such a grudge if things can’t go back to the way they were, so I want to die and know that I won’t be able to live and see my dog suffer. I have trouble in my daily life and I wish for someone to kill me or my life to end right now. That’s all I desire. If I can’t get an opportunity to go back, then I want to die.",3.978428571428573,1.9553445571428585,5.611428571428572,90.45357142857141,71.28571428571428,8.857142857142858,25.0,6.868970318607317,0.5424285714285717,458,7,128,3,7,159,77,140,0.247,0.5660000000000001,0.187,-0.9591,0,0,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,1,1,10,7,1,0,6,0,13,3,0,2,3,22,26,11,6,9,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,1,23,3,18,20,1,14,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,4,9,83,27,0,0.14263388155779344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973292638814196,0.1461452673482543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935330130773467,0.0,0.08694829031780604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960629001425316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915230566160928,0.0,0.2526625661624277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902051181285226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452031611758561,0.0,0.16212424377676882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578032569760032,0.0,0.15677570221181156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022395861878473,0.06968370981349095,0.0,0.3778449917681408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349636274729611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660383088583822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180855551206728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113660736730663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208532249794778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475961303845053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629278626918118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825831771845856,0.11321613611987358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920657737842836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IridescentLune,2019/01/31,Debating I'm seriously thinking about killing myself. I keep fucking up and ruining everything. And honestly it's just kind of a peaceful thought that I could fucking kill myself and be done with this pointless life. I don't belong here.,5.194767441860467,7.974590744186045,5.616453488372091,73.9423546511628,71.7906976744186,8.951162790697676,38.656976744186046,9.516144504307137,4.510539534883722,194,12,30,5,4,62,36,43,0.271,0.609,0.12,-0.8151,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,9,10,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,5,2,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117191388308714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713641420665461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23832047910605814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902965063175954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356980305860941,0.5867494813679468,0.27613697225224626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872995989256312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699122118988107,0.0,0.21051781711345965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Johnytheanarchist,2019/01/31,"Do you think it’s worth it? I’ve been in and out of contemplating suicide at multiple points in my life. Sure it will get better, but just as surely as it is to get better it is sure to loop back to where you were. It’s not that I don’t enjoy life when it’s good, I do. However just the mere effort it takes for life to get to the point of being rewarding takes its toll on you. Sometimes you try and you try hard, and maybe you get somewhere but it doesn’t last because there’s always another obstacle. 

It honestly feels like the entire world is trying to hold you down when you reach your low point. You can’t openly talk about depression or mental illness especially as a male. What you’ll get if you do is short term sympathy. A little reward that might make the less experience prone to taking drastic messages to achieve that same level of attention, after, in the long term, everyone that gave you that sympathy tried to distance themselves from you. Other guys will feel bad, but really they feel like being your freind just puts more stress and responsibly on them to make sure your okay. It’s the same with girls, with the added bonus that if they where showing any signs of attraction towards you up intel that point you can almost certainly forget it. 

I swear it’s almost like the world generally senses you’re off and makes an effort to expel you. Like natural selection only evolved to the socail level because were not fighting for survival anymore. The more things get to you, the more it projects outwards without you even being aware of it. The more weird looks you’ll get, the more people will try to avoid you. Sometimes even trying at this point just seems to make things worst. 

Then eventually it swings around, maybe it’s just your mood or maybe you actually put in that extra bit of effort and your back on your feet. You actually have freinds for awhile and you’re seeing people. You’re moving ahead and you wonder how you ever got to the point you where previously talking about. 

It always comes back tho, it always just consumes you just as easily at it did previously. You know you can get out but you know it’s going to be so much work. 

I don’t think of suicide as a sad thing. To me it just seems peaceful. No more stress, no more anxiety, no more sad. I know I can get myself out of this, but I’m tired of working for it. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep going. I just want to relax. 

(I don’t mean any offense by the particularly for males thing, based on what I’ve observed girls with depression tend to find comfort in others much easier but I’m obviously subject to my own biases, and I can’t relate to the female perspective.) 

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suicidewatch,berry_kawaii,2019/01/31,"its not really worth it anymore i dont really have anyone to talk to because i sort of drifted away from most of my friends so i just. need to put this out there somewhere.

im a sophomore in college. i'm doing a vocal performance (opera, basically) major, as well as a creative writing major. when i started i was just vocal performance, but i added the other major because my parents wanted me to do a ""real"" major as a backup (jokes on them, i guess). i was really passionate about opera at first but i've sort of plateaued in terms of my technique and i feel like i'm never going to improve because i'm making the same mistakes i've always made. my classmates are so far ahead of me and at this point i feel like it would be impossible for me to even have a career in opera. i used to love to sing but now it just feels like a chore, really. 
i've just started creative writing, so i'm not very good at it. i don't think i'd be able to drop the opera major and just do that; there are even more potential writers out there than there are opera singers. i'd get buried by the competition. there's nothing else that im good at, and i'm not very smart or clever. 

 i dont really have any friends anymore. i had two really close friends last year but one of them stopped talking to me and seems to have replaced me with someone else, and the other only talks about herself and her own interests when we hang out and never lets me get a word in unless its to talk about how great i think her interests are. i have other acquaintances but they're all casual. i only have a few friends left from high school and we don't really talk much anymore. i spend a lot of time alone, now. people dont text me often, and when they do im usually the one that texts first. 

i'm in an acapella group; that's pretty much the only thing keeping me here at this point, because we're doing a big competition and if i ended my life now i'd fuck up all our preparations. also, there's parts of our set where i'm the only one on my note, so i guess that's something. this is my first semester as assistant musical director of the group, but it kind of sucks because i know i wasnt the current musical director's first choice for the job (the group elected me) and it's really obvious in the way that he interacts with me vs with the guy who he did want to do it. he doesn't really give me a chance to talk a lot of the time and tends to override the suggestions i give to the group. if i died after the competition it wouldn't even matter because i don't contribute anything in the end.

my parents would miss me. they would never recover, i think. but i know ive always been the fuckup child- gay, liberal, adhd, artistic, feminist, all that shit. my siblings work in finance and engineering, respectively. out of the three of us, im the one that deserves it most. 

i just wish i mattered to anyone. i wish someone i care about would care about me to the same degree but it never really happens like that. in my last relationship the girl broke up with me because she was in love with her ex and didnt really have feelings for me. it was the only relationship id ever been in that lasted more than a month.
 
i'm going to wait until the acapella competition is over and then i'll probably end things. the other guy will become assistant md, just like it was supposed to be. and, you know what? it kind of feels like this was always what i was destined for to begin with. i cant imagine any other future for myself, being gone by 20 just seems like the natural way for me to go. i just really really wish someone cared. it hurts so much that no one cares.

i dont know what im looking for by posting this here. i just needed to say it.",3.6207509612108852,4.576033633377136,5.070894291137397,83.8072340244318,72.06176084099869,8.212595512726919,26.70757288168589,8.570944101241986,1.7722933080255023,2909,96,603,49,54,978,287,761,0.07200000000000001,0.773,0.155,0.997,4,2,1,0,0,0,77.0,5,1,4,8,43,38,3,0,43,0,53,7,1,4,9,117,112,45,1,15,26,3,5,7,4,6,1,1,1,4,45,30,0,3,15,9,3,7,20,7,1,11,15,7,79,31,96,86,23,83,0,3,1,5,51,34,3,14,44,418,124,8,0.04771083302211124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733914967257225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049414034176520204,0.0,0.03815433593033316,0.11909770532862532,0.0,0.0,0.0648900050584262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194897822398875,0.06672104756236523,0.0,0.03926195035076408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482589816885665,0.0,0.0,0.20358856682036086,0.05269286662314457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457749610551092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951631210785945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366696388068572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971255773919561,0.0,0.12677291019626313,0.0,0.0,0.0945376657185647,0.04315717996523934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062015363055975,0.13633851457628587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623312407820699,0.0,0.0,0.14744508496417869,0.04410789632682094,0.049853882124079436,0.0915371569860403,0.08134549770913284,0.08003516622761246,0.0,0.0526013618409145,0.1051177230814641,0.09448245155674473,0.042190532074007206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040911459436361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107543352908957,0.0,0.2576794344196611,0.0,0.047345639872139286,0.042407580570411316,0.0,0.09936698130347013,0.10488250433150018,0.1166720903792312,0.0,0.0,0.051837959678537215,0.04878755927294425,0.033699572340478684,0.16316372133138124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006508345822433,0.0,0.0,0.08112408815972869,0.08612177911548764,0.045145143805202965,0.03184735152294932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038082331730351006,0.0,0.1052188558501758,0.07075395628825078,0.14719014282484064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457798310529981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165047610923156,0.18143119222895776,0.0,0.0,0.10595446774927324,0.05166618277620952,0.0,0.03307668426341382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020431741995692,0.0,0.04569378954280332,0.048539069537576036,0.05144034753982403,0.0,0.0,0.04796256500772634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430537320980435,0.3973421574156583,0.0,0.0,0.1024471587698704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037941569391800115,0.0,0.048285910178185384,0.0,0.0868683009795187,0.0,0.0,0.04897448447410372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127570197638901,0.036730130200826286,0.0,0.0,0.06753994635872046,0.0,0.0,0.03988839275616853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300889619736337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339391490352889,0.09171352596470192,0.0,0.0,0.055641140831097335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046606551207419834,0.0,0.057390257645672474,0.04120684107177528,0.0525467420381376,0.07873286785178335,0.056282170923000335,0.07574127699294547,0.0,0.0,0.042897768727578035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459531012205808,0.0,0.0,0.03473405467337577,0.0,0.0,0.13556962755293706,0.0,0.0,0.030724212205133727
suicidewatch,LordViren,2019/01/31,I've just gotten out of a 3 year abusive relationship. Idk what to do im free from the emotional and physical abuse but I lost all my friends along the way. It sucks. I just want to move on but I'm stuck alone with myself everyday.,-0.4357142857142833,1.8118882857142893,1.8297959183673491,94.41163265306123,94.71428571428572,6.06530612244898,19.244897959183675,7.447530270364453,0.6602979591836737,182,6,42,4,7,61,41,49,0.307,0.541,0.153,-0.8338,0,1,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,3,8,4,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.6205206044069245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712071321433137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945563259837614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023117486163631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828528436744151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858502219518663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27831486129813565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811387553073884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445132563250313,0.20785162414334624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686287229605771
suicidewatch,ComfortableSolid,2019/01/31,"I’ve (20M) tried medication, therapy, meditation, and exercise, but I’ve still been depressed and riddled with anxiety for 5 years now. They say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but is it really temporary? ",10.11825,9.620150325,11.680000000000005,46.94500000000005,58.25,18.0,52.5,15.903189008614273,9.39625,183,13,26,10,2,66,33,40,0.338,0.601,0.061,-0.9366,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,3,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652472686906086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986377794250179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492936912898025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33177349256835603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221239220230106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757333712732179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27689878341893337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792660113339448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965156256044308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354067039077253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328255648977352
suicidewatch,pmMeYourStarWars,2019/01/31,"Just looked at my ex's Facebook profile.... After looking at my ex's Facebook profile, I realized that she has removed almost all pictures of us from her Facebook. We were together for 5 years. Us breaking up has been my only regret in life so far, and we broke up because I couldn't handle my depression well. 

After seeing that she deleted all of our pictures together, I finally just want to end it. I still love her and want her to do well in everything, but it seems like she doesn't even acknowledge me now. 

I'm just completely over life and finally want to end it. I barely want to get up to go to work in the morning. I've been dreaming about my ex, and I can't get her out of my head. I don't know what to do.

I've been to counseling but nothing ever makes these thoughts go away. My only reprieve is falling sleep, but now that I've been dreaming about her, I have no escape from dark thoughts.

Please help.",3.905459057071962,4.828757172043009,4.898602150537634,85.42559553349876,71.36559139784947,7.873614557485527,30.436724565756826,8.139509932561175,2.0651493796526057,718,30,147,10,13,235,100,186,0.046,0.82,0.134,0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,5,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,1,0,15,5,2,1,3,30,33,8,0,6,6,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,2,0,4,5,3,2,0,7,3,29,4,29,25,2,28,0,3,3,1,18,12,0,2,12,103,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133416240161165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260834073646835,0.0,0.0,0.08603936289962634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798557838805024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156611798990785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500213188981828,0.0,0.0,0.093223512152235,0.12767177591171325,0.0,0.0,0.1268500802229584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30923015607275983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748261290475956,0.0,0.1604294528868992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485326963788445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946050679333687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756841156474949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199386718577978,0.06895526036131132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370488693321711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738692024370815,0.0,0.0942139391474254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354303579655138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146909741211772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493244973594825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124725666170541,0.12849113711115098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412447678560844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271685130119224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410329225060388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395549069496831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33299880667335874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538087206120105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275366574776697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089135895527006
suicidewatch,telekikneecaps,2019/01/31,"I already posted this somewhere else but I rly need help I really wish I could tell you my whole story. I wish I had a friend that I could tell it to without feeling awkward. It's definitely too much for me just to type in a post, but it basically is down to my inability to capture any girls interest. I really need help but it's hard for me to get it because of how long my story is. I've never typed it all out which leads to assumption and non applicable advice. I really do need help but I don't know who to get it from I can't go to a therapist because I'm young. I need help. I usually blame my failure on luck and other people which I still think is mostly true but I've made another mistake today that makes me think of all the stupid shit I've done. If I hadn't done it I don't know if anything would change it mot but I still get mad at myself. Please help someone.",1.0288179669030733,2.8841239148936166,3.4216312056737586,89.13388888888889,81.12765957446808,6.73096926713948,21.614657210401894,7.793537801064563,0.8765770685579195,688,21,154,12,18,238,103,188,0.14400000000000002,0.625,0.231,0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,9,3,1,4,0,14,1,1,4,4,38,32,11,0,12,10,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,16,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,5,2,26,4,19,24,5,16,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,4,7,100,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446287644675145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292612837419158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965575417941788,0.12282616423769215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639204875786536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280870544177962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123913201148555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870453853963883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973935854776054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785118522596736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922692900411074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049813936903747,0.0,0.18359446462316215,0.0,0.06657046760166836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492986994348674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925652987330139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287485642084543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366070757537436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083588217026204,0.07818846066951092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610763510851732,0.34741620033739434,0.09034166220153844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120659655934423,0.0,0.0,0.1285789540511024,0.0,0.0,0.22436572560414428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251188644612947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023729980666267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924802744654394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708817770507627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047621450756605,0.0,0.0,0.1360026563811946,0.0,0.1501106387153494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103019657580616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900755248671847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077694167342058,0.26939872687353017,0.11291387136045307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320927789132385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allbonesandnoscones,2019/01/31,"Dead of Winter Hello all - 

My name is Caleb and I live in Minnesota. I've stayed at the same 1/2 Way Home for the majority of the last three years. During that time I've had some pretty sublime periods of sobriety, as well as an increasingly dire string of relapses. I've been blessed with a stellar sober network; one that never fails should I be in a place to utilize it.

I lost nearly all of December and January. I quit my job around Thanksgiving. I finished my Associate's degree and was set to begin my Bachelor's, but pulled out of my classes a week before Spring Semester began. The last two months have seen me sleeping 12 - 15 hours a day, abusing large quantities of Benedryl, putting on close to fifty pounds of candy-weight, and playing Pokemon on my 3DS.

It isn't all bad - at least I completed the Alola Pokedex.

Everyone that cares about me is concerned for my welfare. They've watched this same cycle eat me up time and again. Some of them are plum exhausted with it. You can only try to comfort a nodding wall for so long...

I'm no stranger to suicidal ideation, but this feels like a different beast. It's as if that little reserve of hope - the one that, in the past, gave me enough lucidity to seek help when things really began to collapse - has dried up. I know how bad it's getting, yet I can't seem to wrench myself from it.

I'm planning on leaving my Sober Home in a couple days and going to the Motel 6 in my town (only the best). My intention is to start drinking again - hard and heavy as ever. One of these days I'll be too drunk and too divorced from reality to be able to reach out - I'll do something silly and it will end my life.

The past few days have been the coldest I've ever experienced, and I've been in Minnesota my whole life. It's the dead of winter and I'm not convinced I can make it to spring. A world where you die if you stay outside too long.

I hope some of you can relate. Know that, while I may not place much value on my own borrowed time, I cannot bring myself to discount our species. There isn't a shortage of remarkable people and we're all just trying our best. Or, failing that, we're doing our best to try. 

""I love my mother. I love my father. When it's my time to go, I need you to know: Love you all.""",3.8566648471615714,4.765537382096071,4.806285480349344,86.09602210698691,71.46724890829694,7.908406113537117,27.631277292576428,8.17850203761792,1.652875327510917,1763,61,371,25,32,575,241,458,0.114,0.743,0.14300000000000002,0.9248,3,0,2,0,1,1,61.0,3,6,1,8,18,22,0,0,22,0,27,10,1,3,8,53,54,26,4,6,8,2,2,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,21,18,3,0,5,4,2,6,8,6,1,5,10,5,47,16,61,38,21,74,1,3,2,3,20,26,0,10,39,240,68,4,0.09178569493851804,0.10875103959423747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170872819264814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532744427652474,0.0,0.0,0.07810286605681177,0.0,0.288970272331812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358163318571844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623555484711227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155912565765107,0.0,0.2367767199770224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525906025380312,0.09589651562141624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899150378607355,0.0,0.09391968024596564,0.0,0.0,0.08129488227792178,0.09483915873431692,0.0,0.0,0.16605083180418942,0.0,0.08770516490329767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046409605212471824,0.0655717188037263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047954237290522034,0.0,0.1043278512714594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222195411710846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152201655787602,0.0,0.18413707154292036,0.1823278105338005,0.09039042069415754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108313946141228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513290526047424,0.1496351836968121,0.0,0.09718779813176813,0.0,0.0,0.12966190152111587,0.04484185427242776,0.09199337929564501,0.08104845022259599,0.16245490338642093,0.0,0.0,0.10019492853173044,0.0,0.24852051970439876,0.0,0.06126766409906256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732624660133165,0.0,0.06747304677722703,0.06805792978459352,0.07079078634519248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865890869683864,0.13961431404512367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752396631733578,0.06363264397358948,0.0,0.1917930312428325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337904930544266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226997479226166,0.0,0.09762538469162384,0.0,0.0,0.058800266484656576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355824944240982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918519814696988,0.0,0.0,0.07066111220700518,0.0,0.0,0.06496638729586228,0.19566267665830045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039865284162644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097833726354202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214083907358624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694938567600505,0.0,0.08966128697183161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285521236976149,0.07362494805190772,0.1117702492249312,0.08252636276855227,0.0,0.0,0.10247545054271942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910697822818914
suicidewatch,_Illegalmemedealer_,2019/01/31,hey ive benen considering suicide for a while because of school and shit. i dont want to die but i hate living. i hate the fuckin state of my life. are there any cheap recreational drugs i can use. im too poor to afford shit like pot,-0.024733333333333718,2.16897706,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,88.4,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.48226666666666607,183,4,43,2,6,60,41,50,0.398,0.519,0.084,-0.9682,1,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,2,0,4,5,2,1,0,4,8,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708105266875233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080929878919424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397310471211633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707184419385376,0.0,0.2678749490275164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561094076193949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495087295695816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315499722839896,0.11284999716501548,0.0,0.20396831322545728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337741102972304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474215624928679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25266545891960285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995011085876906,0.0,0.0,0.13624382749095687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alty_McAltson,2019/01/31,Yeah so I wanna die I don't think I'm good enough to live and I think it would be best for everyone if I just killed myself. I just want to stop being a nuisance to everyone. I try to help people but I can never do enough to make a difference.,-1.0878571428571426,0.9432863518518528,1.840793650793653,95.605,92.88888888888887,5.307936507936508,15.121693121693122,6.868970318607317,-0.2744306878306877,189,4,45,3,7,66,37,54,0.17,0.688,0.142,-0.349,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,1,13,11,4,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,7,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749803588631915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348737071958405,0.23644543701308074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676767698508653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324971748865773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898178135416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169060102642914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503781186747029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983558430599432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106346167845824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454396862518107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689462974891494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892050171328888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900201963938589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364941019684694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334833065204872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076389603267538,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FeelsGoodMan10,2019/01/31,"Making this quick I am 13 and yes I know this seems to be young, but this is a general call for support of any kind. I have been for a while think about suicide, let me give you a short background on who I am. I have always been the “annoying” one I have always found it hard to control what I say. I have always felt alone, I know I wouldn’t go through with it but, just in case I have tried to distance my self from those thoughts but every once or multiple times a month I will think about it, all I want is to be happy and can’t seem to get it. So I come to you seeking advice or help. This is the only place i could go to where I feel happy the internet.",3.18059829059829,3.1426861118881138,4.304568764568767,92.50078477078478,72.4965034965035,7.474436674436674,24.28049728049728,6.937597516519254,0.5757480963480965,506,12,124,4,9,166,88,143,0.093,0.738,0.168,0.9042,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,1,6,5,1,0,7,1,19,0,0,2,1,27,37,9,1,3,6,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,1,10,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,5,4,20,4,17,26,1,13,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,4,5,88,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500948147592426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908186963490886,0.0,0.0,0.38341912269749,0.0,0.0,0.10445234332049508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684138629707886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231162907201047,0.0,0.0,0.17227393716461598,0.12263601677746767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941348009237974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766408824931388,0.0,0.14747878329339395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841298233139726,0.0,0.0,0.08024895061720519,0.1473458129565421,0.17458729525737254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32701721999691136,0.1375942129080231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295393165599713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994934869377875,0.16882759279927956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706501752799126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252828589328744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260097020371792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357754024669513,0.10408241462320796,0.11681868825673634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047788853032358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214780469387783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796608688629636,0.16023688167072456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801198369834192,0.1743019181123136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683961482353088,0.0,0.12194016419132367,0.08956460304789432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428339507755216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059645834175556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PanillaCreams,2019/01/31,"Honestly im just tired. I'm just so tired of my life. Nothing ever happens I live a completely solitary life, I don't go out I don't have many friends. I don't even have a high school diploma, I just want literally anything to be different in my mundane life. I feel once I kill my self I won't have to worry about anything, and honestly, I can't wait till I can finally just end my life, but for some reason, I just can't bring my self to kill myself its just to much work honestly. I'm to depressed to even kill myself so im just forcing myself to suffer through my shitty life.",1.622372505543236,3.3516510894308977,3.6408277900960826,88.87569844789358,78.75609756097559,6.749150036954916,25.815964523281608,7.686295010490155,1.3619170731707315,456,18,99,7,11,155,64,123,0.269,0.649,0.08199999999999999,-0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,13,9,3,0,2,0,11,7,0,1,1,16,19,5,3,1,8,0,1,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,0,1,20,4,14,17,2,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,64,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345718317575946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359835774424832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170680143381832,0.0,0.0,0.13550450536899936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487198195593976,0.0,0.0,0.17132570379219295,0.11731727521032373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557809277986,0.0,0.0,0.14207540806985433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002026524038674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370911128074653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468956652364633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703073219193146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801874371606365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43046755591683467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580398911516581,0.0,0.0,0.1145237664493846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149118339026267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534133508439643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244466168329939,0.0,0.0,0.1381217928750207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333488819383521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125907248151514,0.0,0.0,0.27060200743555524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981324833223015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649794241568086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442008617265912,0.13171237923285842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cowardthrow_away,2019/01/31,"(16/M) Tired Age is always brought up when I talk about this stuff, but this has been persistent throughout most of my entire life, it feels like my mind is deteriorating at a daily basis. anger spills out more and my personality goes from explosive rage to neutral in a matter of seconds. I am seeking therapy and help but maybe it's my paranoia overall but the session was cancelled until later on, maybe it's a sign? dunno  


point is i feel like the world is staring at me- people staring at me in my peripheral view when they really aren't and even a small social interaction can feel like espionage in my mind. can't take this anymore. It's affected close relationships I have had with family/friends and whatnot. tried being pragmatic in learning a new craft for over 2 years, only felt compelled to cling onto that small thing i had because it was the only thing I had control over really

scared because one day i'll enter a state of delusion and do something completely regretful ",6.426129032258062,7.390348333333333,6.949623655913983,72.84443548387098,65.66666666666667,9.640860215053763,33.77956989247312,9.725611199111238,3.3610086021505374,794,34,136,16,12,260,126,186,0.141,0.778,0.081,-0.9278,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,4,7,2,1,9,0,18,2,0,3,0,26,24,11,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,2,8,7,15,3,23,15,2,29,0,1,3,0,7,18,0,2,11,92,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395812022268833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774196076763368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816260689172212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619617552502574,0.0,0.16708676341479028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607576475380143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839577765481558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259768602154608,0.3192806977426118,0.14303819241849722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150967740171979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985398548586323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522458752940073,0.2183431940075916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993283738447696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30084210326389194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387980645676451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094848979489174,0.2266025476451292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327966252192806,0.13007815979176085,0.0,0.0,0.14082837606940504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190872838200949,0.0,0.0,0.15994208941592644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914874393637112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186000949656045,0.0,0.11468729517498184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053933811660205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200974364852928,0.11973948251791415,0.0,0.0,0.17036450230313827,0.0,0.1979431216575197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712234468695989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114341872133703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593423096849467
suicidewatch,throwmetfaway4,2019/01/31,"i dream about the day i kill myself it seems like the greatest pleasure i could ever receive. i just wait and wait for my life to get worse and worse so that one day i can finally fucking do it. thinking about how great it would be to be dead and free of all the pain and suffering ive been put through makes me feel great pleasure. i look forward to the day i end it. i know im not gonna live long. there hasnt been anything good in store for me for such a long time. i want to finally escape. but i am bound to others. thats the main reason i dont do it. because i think of how much pain it would cause my loved ones. so thats why i can only fantasize for now. only wait and wait until the time comes. and when it comes, i'll finally be free. i want nothing more than to be free.",0.9064912280701768,2.3724170760233925,2.5881637426900603,96.81136842105265,79.99415204678363,5.729590643274852,20.756725146198832,6.42735559955562,-0.01973871345029244,604,16,148,5,15,199,95,171,0.11,0.6920000000000001,0.198,0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,12,15,2,0,7,0,17,5,0,5,2,33,36,13,2,5,3,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,8,0,5,6,1,4,5,3,5,0,2,2,2,20,13,18,26,5,21,0,1,1,2,2,2,1,1,17,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294153728660137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625601834138145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850578948689798,0.0,0.2155144612803237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987721893657693,0.0,0.0,0.24202545338028195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660899991215318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079597545299237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315450228238068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325118304895523,0.0,0.0,0.41110242437583816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564720075788648,0.06535634653536612,0.0,0.0,0.1049227429464513,0.0,0.2758327084057928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512276832567324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839775358788753,0.0,0.06874828003891519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835744917502279,0.06111451109861396,0.0,0.11046011568928224,0.22140814997783004,0.10504728486126597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290203691871467,0.0,0.0835010817086265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195833519890008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003087323003557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953359030949394,0.1902789410401903,0.26621724223698856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575381839144467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286172589552128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388069574252326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603101097191981,0.0,0.0,0.14588639948758875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475671265660433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112877695835103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549625349807047,0.17772609033671874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheLonelySnail,2019/01/31,"Just be yourself What if I suck? I’m 35, my job is shit, my life is shit. I never had a chance to get off the ground. I just want to be done. 

Got rejected from another job interview today and told to ‘just keep trying’. It’s been 10 years since I finished school, can I just admit failure and end the game. 

Can drive to work tomorrow and just go off the road and people will think it was an accident. ",1.0339285714285715,2.870815250000004,2.8335714285714317,93.44892857142858,81.02380952380952,6.5809523809523816,20.02380952380953,7.6454224807358475,0.5036952380952382,307,8,71,5,8,102,59,84,0.235,0.731,0.034,-0.9609,2,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,3,0,5,0,11,3,2,0,1,15,21,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,6,0,7,0,7,12,0,12,0,1,0,0,4,4,3,1,6,44,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323367576207391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674429990043424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962463471764893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576182456020788,0.0,0.12592403818731107,0.0,0.17721075645735976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397505207661359,0.19694269304029588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650231495806752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088939481456455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536095949841901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424191756482054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548793745295522,0.18328601411894474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197389986066122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002362184408144,0.2117208089673096,0.0,0.15043232332214726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068845431214862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613064969888036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268460996434235
suicidewatch,hsvfbjskshcv,2019/01/31,"I have gone from having a fulfilled life to a life full of loneliness. I can't believe I'm even here, and it's come to this, honestly. About two years ago I got sober after getting my second DWI. Since then, my boyfriend dumped me, I went to jail, I relapsed, I got a new boyfriend that was emotionally abusive and we broke up, I found out my mom is dying of cancer, and I just have no joy in my life, anymore.

My place looks like a dumbass. I'm too depressed to even clean. I am so incredibly lonely. I lost a lot of my friends getting sober. I am incredibly close to my mom but she's in hospice and not making much sense, at the moment, due to the painkillers. I no longer enjoy my job. 

I'm just so tired of the empty loneliness. I go to therapy, I'm on antidepressants, nothing is working. I feel like my dog is the only one that loves me, and having her has stopped me from going through with anything, but she deserves an owner that actually wants to take her outside and do things. 

I'm in my 30s and my life is a flaming dumpster fire, and I don't know if I'll ever find a meaningful relationship at this point, either. I know I'm a broken record, but I'm just so goddamned empty and lonely and hollow. I'm so tired of feeling so sad, and of I'm being honest, I want out of this life. 

Sorry for rambling, I'm sobbing at the moment and my thoughts are all over the place.",3.022345864661652,4.073679645614035,4.566716791979951,86.49368421052635,73.59649122807018,7.112781954887217,27.25563909774436,7.447530270364453,1.356248120300752,1069,39,229,12,21,359,151,285,0.223,0.6629999999999999,0.115,-0.9845,1,4,0,0,0,1,38.0,1,0,0,2,14,16,1,0,15,0,17,9,0,1,2,42,49,22,1,3,9,2,3,2,1,0,8,0,1,0,8,18,0,1,8,0,0,5,5,8,0,3,8,4,37,8,33,40,5,31,0,7,1,1,11,16,1,2,12,151,45,2,0.0,0.14020294883757514,0.11547403881985135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489333929824313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735260863397608,0.0,0.0,0.0973763746248898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331857596058955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193172489879652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191836304343163,0.0,0.12280895153656195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310650833635576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631308974600994,0.10703721253030288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119663472265713,0.08453572831057184,0.0,0.0,0.10815243921071806,0.0,0.0,0.1297438925421056,0.09142227845152856,0.0,0.1236461831072786,0.0,0.13450052936249474,0.0,0.1892803065669537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117425311882267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006330482996534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179036129901737,0.1156211512790416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099368282557303,0.0,0.12917232323600752,0.10060083018253058,0.10679839579528848,0.0,0.07898689711039572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771757995632124,0.0,0.0,0.08698693971587686,0.0,0.0,0.1142848689006427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113541837301879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018418432745023,0.08999609843775151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247261530989237,0.0,0.11186109359563763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704326736835586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788467030842034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246192656008726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893005929426064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897022579963948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532187240527116,0.0,0.07861389400468588,0.0,0.0,0.09394163882374468,0.0,0.2720082777438052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559224515853685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958944248915806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969407216294598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614641631144085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620131885994016
suicidewatch,PrintingOrigami,2019/01/31,"Wish this cycle would end... I don't know what to do anymore, I'm nearly 30 years of age, and I feel like I live in an endless painful cycle.  I'm so so lonely, and I work a job I hate with a passion.  I'm just so tired of it all, I work, sleep, work, sleep, just to get payed and bills take it all away.  I'm tried of waking up to just go to that hell of a job 6 days a week, tired of doing the same damn thing, tired of being fucking broke, and lonely.  Been thinking about just quitting, and watch the small empire I built, my car, my credit, just flush down the drain, then taking my gun and blowing my brains out.  I just want it to end, in any means necessary.  Tired of being tired...  Been job searching for months , maybe a year or so now to no success.",3.319937499999998,3.26021111875,4.146249999999998,93.83375,72.1875,6.65,22.875,4.935628992294339,-0.007549999999999724,569,11,138,1,10,183,94,160,0.239,0.674,0.087,-0.9824,3,4,0,1,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,5,12,12,4,0,9,0,8,12,4,0,2,25,24,12,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,3,2,2,8,0,0,2,2,12,4,23,19,3,20,1,3,1,2,0,8,3,1,11,82,19,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782879694441043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141716381931294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081623754841203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851596806660456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424517310861542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203930609669888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058209931672959285,0.08224429520072002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642987735225884,0.060147309233305364,0.0,0.06542737291445773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366068268645795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427271122217574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326889855327103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056243556939057034,0.0,0.1016562137957751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156570909915445,0.12540330789213702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189052829265636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249958604556667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244807828959164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230413404332957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311718159823747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648297867200055,0.07376652960005993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.661587991813731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816134121863147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790285920767614,0.0,0.09234517673455693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323864139824133,0.0,0.0,0.2514339712401658,0.0,0.0,0.08178047489637805,0.0,0.0,0.1482715980153769
suicidewatch,throw_away_1233,2019/01/31,I don't feel like I can stand to be alive much longer. I waste all of my fucking time. I'll start a day off with goals but I never do any of it I just waste my entire day. I don't think I deserve to exist. I'm just a pathetic waste of space and nothing is getting better and I'm making no process in life. Every day I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to killing myself :( I just really hate being alive. I don't feel like I can stand it much longer.,-0.7599834983498361,1.234245930693067,1.7123019801980206,97.77723184818485,89.6930693069307,4.158745874587459,16.337458745874585,5.46131890053228,-0.7768422442244227,353,8,84,2,12,120,54,101,0.368,0.5870000000000001,0.045,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,3,0,2,0,9,2,0,1,2,15,22,4,1,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,3,14,4,9,20,3,13,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,9,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554941964124434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628882524195522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856489137793484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794187246188694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023576615277888,0.4271984531884033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427490468874247,0.20828060601004592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967944715334196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052615786988572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079078800493486,0.29214379511113736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305254059264146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29305704492734386,0.0,0.1537335250540888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912599490451824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276941916809198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108491012263413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772090459410687,0.0,0.0,0.11622936908451695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cyphrous,2019/01/31,"Half of me wants to die so bad, the other half doesn't think I deserve the satisfaction of death I've wanted to die for probably over 10 years now. I'm now 19 and wondering why I just don't do it already. ""Weakling"", I tell myself. ""Everyone will be better off without you dragging them down."" But death is too good for me. I don't deserve it. I've ruined the lives of everyone around me and killing myself wouldn't bring them any happiness. I want to let all the people I've wronged take a knife and just stab me individually until I bleed out. That's how I want to die. But that means I would have to force people to interact with me, which isn't going to happen. Nobody wants me around, and I can't blame them. I'm gutter trash. Actually, worse than that. I'm worse than sub-human. Worst of the worst. I deserve death, but I don't deserve the relief that comes with it. I deserve the worst hell you could possibly imagine.",1.9557860520094543,4.0413286329787255,3.4216312056737586,89.13388888888889,79.15957446808511,6.305437352245864,22.14657210401891,7.3871296695380915,0.7571089834515372,725,22,153,10,18,238,100,188,0.258,0.6809999999999999,0.06,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,2,3,1,9,12,2,0,8,0,15,1,0,1,1,30,31,10,7,8,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,0,0,25,4,25,25,4,13,1,1,0,0,7,6,1,1,4,102,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.13383387027022198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134306898909924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932633960546468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417649674236885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451046082346282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129372867891056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813839184933993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109499232278469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270049992866624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620961112233525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794274185758268,0.11503083409323978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212769917040856,0.14599354852040555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173077432764367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024019443103156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110166857016627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939125964759528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901583395998018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461053551130122,0.0,0.0,0.14786565362341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031160750872976,0.0,0.11987089463854934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787706609990907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044587754987004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375215456444638,0.0,0.0,0.13220301801466586,0.14872805083671445,0.0,0.0,0.2795252224422449,0.09742397042554013,0.14994667788512586,0.0,0.08831697173622928
suicidewatch,nopoint2anything27,2019/01/31,I really don't know why I'm here Is there really any point in life? No. But I keep on living just to see what happens. I tried to kill myself but failed. Maybe something good will happen I guess I'll just wait and see. ,-1.0366869300911823,1.060126000000004,1.0881458966565385,99.22000000000004,97.51063829787232,4.387841945288755,10.969604863221884,6.18269132825596,-1.1600310030395136,170,2,40,2,7,56,37,47,0.183,0.738,0.079,-0.6187,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,12,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,4,11,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646686652995281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031019105000892,0.0,0.0,0.2667528711635133,0.0,0.4282606295775929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152319046615651,0.2679004320061118,0.0,0.13307798316543226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103600449637893,0.0,0.0,0.21382075897504813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326980174905985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289077422697851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102518943460101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859205577348506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864170456144096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644023191287701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850053699661476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flowerforever369,2019/01/31,"i might regret posting this I’ve struggled with this as long as I can remember. I’ve been through so much trauma the last few months I really think I’m reaching my breaking point. I spiraled down too deep, I can’t keep myself from drowning anymore. I wrote my suicide note, and set my date. March 6, 2019. If I don’t feel different by then it’s going down.",2.783607305936073,4.400763821917807,3.8645890410958894,89.02555936073061,75.16438356164383,6.510502283105023,27.235159817351605,7.1686216300943375,1.3107735159817349,281,11,58,3,6,91,57,73,0.183,0.787,0.03,-0.8937,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,11,6,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,11,0,8,8,2,14,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709326720047736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854270904358479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813388837158005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526108976365305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428252586447481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268762755691007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417659812775693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898131300131451,0.0,0.0,0.2180589396479189,0.0,0.20082726989263835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582543782709547,0.0,0.26164204877869274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501354320135376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094728427892902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855991908882099,0.0,0.2988272845845135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505015505914112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bcfcwayne,2019/01/31,Morphine hanging Will morphine help with the pain in a low hanging ,6.157500000000002,8.682906416666674,4.823333333333334,81.855,68.16666666666666,4.800000000000002,45.33333333333334,3.1291,3.2747333333333337,55,4,8,0,1,16,10,12,0.335,0.4970000000000001,0.168,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5329889867257723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8461221779560174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No-Protocol,2019/01/31,"I'm seriously about to end it. I have no real friends. No one wants me. I just happen to be born and now people have to put up with me. All the people who I considered friends aren't my real friends. They just put up with me in pity that I have literally no one else to talk to. I think my death will be a huge load off everyone's shoulders. No one will have to put up with me and I don't have to be alone all of the time. My entire life was a fucking mistake. This world has no place for me. It never did, and I'm just coming to realize it now.",-0.1174242424242422,1.5771328429752067,2.3854752066115696,95.9194249311295,84.20661157024793,5.686225895316805,19.174242424242426,6.816661863887847,-0.047992286501377546,418,11,105,5,12,144,66,121,0.182,0.728,0.09,-0.8357,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,4,0,15,3,1,0,3,19,22,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,4,8,4,0,3,2,0,15,3,19,15,2,18,0,1,0,1,6,8,1,0,6,78,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738737243863628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461431575562206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402427420210782,0.0,0.1486924272591637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041715649520374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891125237863168,0.15520295675102078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845630533512788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857906869402896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947990764370929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412808219163315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23277461065764626,0.0,0.1753995488264235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062992699134259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821698694119869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349361081497421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757114250257103,0.0,0.0,0.09789255771800566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902035765764172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway20002008,2019/01/31,"Mom I love you, but Sunday is my last day on Earth Throwaway for obvious reasons

Mom,

 I'm going to kill myself on Sunday, and today you texted me and said you were coming to visit Saturday.  I don't know if I can look you in the eye one day and not exist the next day, but I do know I can't live like this anymore. I haven't been to a class in months. Most days I can barley drag myself out of bed to eat and drink. I feel so beaten down I can't even enjoy the things that used to make me happy. I am numb everyday, because the second I let myself feel anything I feel like I'll die. Why? I'm broken and I'm a failure. I worked so hard to get to college and I just threw it all away. I failed you. I failed your expectations. I failed to do anything despite how much you've done for me. I am your biggest failure. My only solace was that I wouldn't have to wake up and face another day after Sunday. I won't have to fave the pain, the hurt, the grief, the regret, the anger, the loneliness, the crippling sense of failure anymore after Sunday. I'm festering mom. I'm suffering. I'm so tired. All this darkness is closing in on me and I'm huddled next to the last dying embers of my life. And I'm alone. I wish I could tell you. I wish I could trust you. I love you and I don't want to leave you behind, but I can't. Every time I try I can't. There's too many failed attempts to communication between us, and my mind won't let me tell you anything anymore.  

I know you've been hard on me in the past, but when I think about it I've been hard on you too. The pressure of raising a child must be overwhelming, and no relationship is ever gonna be perfect. For a long time I blamed you for my problems. I felt neglected by you, and maybe there's some truth to that, but for sure you don't deserve my ire. For most of my life I saw you as the perfect authoritarian. So strong in the face of so much adversity. I feared your wrath. I feared your judgement. I feared failing you. But see I now that you're flawed too just like me. That you can feel. That you can break. And I see that now, but I see it too late, just like you saw ME too late. I'm broken mom. And I know you don't deserve the fall out of my suicide. You don't deserve the hole I'm going to leave in your life. Now that I know you feel, I know you care. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I've failed you. Hurt people hurt people and right now I'm mortally wounded. I'm leaving you behind, and I love you so much, but even love is worth it anymore. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry you wasted so much on me. I'm done. I'm tapping out. I love you. I'll see you Sunday mom, and after that who knows.",0.05124999999999957,1.9416599583333358,2.289416666666668,95.74725000000002,84.83333333333334,4.881666666666667,18.454166666666666,5.985473137389443,-0.3709737500000001,2040,51,485,15,60,690,209,576,0.292,0.602,0.106,-0.9991,0,1,1,0,0,2,76.0,1,35,0,13,27,44,3,5,22,0,41,18,4,4,9,79,98,39,6,11,14,5,9,4,0,5,7,1,1,1,17,24,2,1,15,1,1,6,15,26,0,2,12,18,102,18,55,75,9,61,0,15,8,5,53,21,0,4,37,305,119,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626848145763938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346489737897996,0.0,0.0,0.24009495892045798,0.0,0.0,0.14941877051689903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686447507801853,0.0,0.0,0.036894988506472534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170845220075428,0.0,0.0,0.05213623622675576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664729223670324,0.0,0.0,0.19516549895475752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562912114805172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238745334299629,0.0,0.05929067090490755,0.0,0.06193136304499515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995132212687855,0.05474760093654826,0.05099424605641236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431964384489895,0.15301426184912695,0.043238498172935895,0.058112720235907474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031621394700316136,0.0,0.06879459146236344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442913276616367,0.16265337607708624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437721288304888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696105617641178,0.0,0.2328376094020839,0.09867059663706516,0.1365478601167731,0.19225915571302574,0.0,0.12378018340840095,0.12825008999996426,0.11827626113221495,0.0,0.05344397448782225,0.05356200944102035,0.05082508176917677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731272524501084,0.0,0.040400371235301866,0.06136203574468204,0.060804690529844774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111218509741085,0.3544260380346552,0.04830983632354543,0.0,0.1779689941349384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287363395174013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041012762021797496,0.046031378869488514,0.06440201249812967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777719414849732,0.08391971448626337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791348221319857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222895443665534,0.0,0.06498033664309838,0.0,0.05168733323198418,0.057572370906229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291979451176064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710075317981564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620364764955948,0.0,0.0570433390587724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580163115065927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020958688379689,0.03878146134697608,0.0,0.0,0.07058429156698272,0.06956366056870021,0.05736986150617832,0.0,0.0,0.04109195660596323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280315641016513,0.05227347321280909,0.0,0.0,0.035698739306146116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461367353104033,0.0,0.13919967835167246,0.0,0.0,0.044062335993636785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,violentlies,2019/01/31,nothing I want and need to feel that I am doing. I know if I fail I will be devastated. I know if I succeed I will be content. In either case I'd want to die. Either facing failure or finally reaching some happiness. I know I would want to die in either case,0.2806060606060612,2.352769090909092,3.4322727272727285,86.78174242424242,85.36363636363636,5.848484848484849,23.71212121212121,7.1686216300943375,1.102575757575757,200,8,42,3,6,72,31,55,0.349,0.517,0.135,-0.913,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,0,17,15,4,2,7,6,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,5,10,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,31,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409795872061397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178089833843684,0.0,0.0,0.2855042608527258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774424061027456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297015328111077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932517004832825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500787422483223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611738682194391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851420219652148,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kittendougle,2019/01/31,"Only a few people care I’m just tired of little to no people caring about me and constantly feeling. Like a burden. Like the worst person in the world. Im tired of my work treating me like shit. My mom treating me like shit and leaving me for her girlfriend. My dad leaving me for drugs. My friends leaving me FOR EVERYTHING.

Im going to slit my fucking throat",1.2137499999999974,3.7751962083333375,2.6077777777777804,90.615,86.91666666666666,4.311111111111112,23.277777777777786,5.82211442006289,0.5291277777777776,285,11,54,2,9,92,44,72,0.231,0.5479999999999999,0.221,-0.4445,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,14,3,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,2,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,12,9,9,6,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,3,3,0,5,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30649314767058505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624269536873002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430677405026593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350849791320446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759990261950806,0.1073783487751292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612573165892448,0.13895510275252532,0.0,0.0,0.08542213476452258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247116754033354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774557755173622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937268905334619,0.15064569523605606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760360990099962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431417980983115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840595191753375,0.13124105004374534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085730714485664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34550834660099417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094242649975556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SamBeeTee,2019/01/31,"I don't see the point of life If i don't have caring family or other good things in my life I only have one grandparent left but I only talk to her because she pays for my cell phone, my grandpa and other grandma are dead but were the only people that cared about me truly, I am estranged from my uncle & cousin and anytime I try to contact them I don't hear back from them, and I don't know my other relatives very well. I don't enjoy going to college because it's a community college and they don't have any clubs. I don't have people to go on vacations with. I have $12,000 saved but Dave Ramsey says I should keep it for an emergency fund or to invest. The thing people tell me when I say I don't have family is ""maybe someday you'll have your own family"" but it's not the same because I have to be caring and supportive to my kids and I won't be receiving care and support like I did from my grandparents. No one can answer what the point of living is without family or support and that makes suicide the answer. ",3.9964085447263,4.464138467289718,5.4798397863818415,83.00037383177573,70.86915887850466,8.357276368491322,26.03337783711616,8.418075326091056,1.6079676902536717,808,23,167,12,14,274,117,214,0.13699999999999998,0.733,0.13,-0.5417,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,3,0,4,12,0,0,8,0,28,2,0,1,0,27,42,17,2,2,10,2,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,1,11,9,0,1,3,1,3,3,12,0,1,2,2,4,33,12,19,35,2,10,0,0,1,0,19,5,0,4,3,123,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865875174767038,0.0,0.07447351295348194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420977471970363,0.0,0.2002767926338291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466287115749935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41296152809455217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447905697020492,0.09185544034739114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343063095873945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734138556755276,0.0,0.0,0.06018622234574261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898766098494265,0.0,0.15470644731592872,0.05350317930063776,0.0,0.09670317685691003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310167857262248,0.0,0.1100218836339928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841951472332782,0.2498717927199372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277703820548285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705291657125008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418041234741682,0.0,0.0,0.08726875754777777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979092327212094,0.3728267574579276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802348566402479,0.09572036835736347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551293495782613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435305448640214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036080747019716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846655219497186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556792472832184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,t3npenny,2019/01/31,tonight feels like a good night to do it. But my mom will be so fuckin sad tho. dammit mom why do you have to give a shit about me? ,-2.1370000000000005,-0.3422663666666637,-0.8649999999999984,114.6225,96.0,3.0,10.833333333333336,3.1291,-2.458666666666667,99,1,30,0,4,30,26,30,0.192,0.66,0.14800000000000002,-0.3774,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534063469180165,0.21674646437440145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910454935975916,0.0,0.2544745240824242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822416655926576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7106684447640936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847169892470084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114320670812805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27376808040386824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuperSoap458,2019/01/31,"I see three doors. Two of which are locked. 20/M 
I am failing university because of chronic depression, and I cannot keep a job due to the same reason. My parents are threatening to evict me next week if I don't shape up. I only see one valid solution, as I have tried everything I could. (Bribery, Begging, Therapy, etc.)  As the deadline approaches, I see no reason to live on homeless, penniless, and hopeless. The thread is about to snap, and I have no choice but to fall. I can only hope that I won't fail this attempt like I failed everything else. ",2.188257575757575,4.541751546296297,3.535387205387206,87.2028787878788,79.83333333333334,7.2606060606060625,27.410774410774412,8.296473431620573,2.0569703703703706,429,19,86,9,11,140,77,108,0.15,0.735,0.115,-0.2083,3,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,2,0,11,16,7,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,3,0,3,14,2,12,14,2,8,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,2,4,56,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290651401872187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478806376898656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952705996953326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472496837342045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656582331796366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33292204587051044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839621911323175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379921155720344,0.1646293068155759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090487630408556,0.0,0.1635499318197899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698029340611506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550777700739027,0.2817316244842978,0.0,0.0,0.20566146836194005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808676788306921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427817103068716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118116874108927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575012928311322,0.0,0.1809300156985529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856983941153756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ramsay1985,2019/01/31,"The Gap, Watson's Bay Does anyone know the highest point of the Gap?",0.23714285714285666,2.651867,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,93.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.347457142857143,54,1,11,0,2,17,11,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466815811347559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5590404225512348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510817394194597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6038965004658479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hafwen,2019/01/31,"societal expectations I am a teacher. My doctors want me to work at the most 50% because of OCD (severe cronic etc...... loads of letters, ADHD and other factors that affect. I have refused for a while but have realized that I cannot function at 100% like ""other"" people can. So I agreed to 75%, I have now been refused sick pay for 6 months (from the state agency, they have their ""own"" doctors). What am I supposed to do? My doctors say if  work more, they definitely think I will hit a wall and become really sick, but they are also afraid I will commit suicide. What am I supposed to do? So tired of fighting just want to lay down and sleep. BTW I live in Sweden.",3.4752307692307696,4.899899907692308,4.729230769230772,84.31076923076925,73.0,6.7384615384615385,26.84615384615385,7.1686216300943375,1.3484461538461536,508,18,99,5,10,168,85,130,0.201,0.691,0.107,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,2,2,30.0,0,0,4,2,5,3,1,1,5,0,15,7,1,1,1,17,19,10,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,1,6,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,17,1,15,15,4,9,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,4,74,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459495814854345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561030271965043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899337185719065,0.2155853533017495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993927791876985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177019106531392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536587279539877,0.0,0.17236700666379093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580843227527175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532853913562495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505144635286095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523252323040784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052278034837985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534304553125195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135193852055122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250776064184549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243560674465742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027048024931274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842188678751039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seiwang,2019/01/31,"I can't take anymore Not even my mom wants me here. I have nobody but my therapist, and sometimes I think he only pretends to care because it's his job.

I'm on the edge and I'm so close. Why can't I push myself over it? Why am I so scared to die? 

I wish the universe would end my suffering in this meaningless world.",-0.3253260869565189,1.7317337681159444,1.9679528985507275,96.31540760869566,88.13043478260867,5.189130434782608,20.219202898550726,6.6274283507984215,0.16347681159420355,246,8,58,3,8,83,51,69,0.261,0.64,0.099,-0.9321,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,12,5,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,12,1,5,11,0,7,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,35,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379980109929936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629101618179155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467800492389816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906379617857494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255313600704132,0.0,0.0,0.15850608216027692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814545746808596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810644337578802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182517395008408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402642026308893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23734868544330825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043686479911086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27863801081145123,0.0,0.15377100303117622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154781071659112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43309349706803096,0.0,0.27596786477751944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047657957290918,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heavygenesis,2019/01/31,"What's your favorite music? I really like to listen to lil peep and James Blake when I'm down, which kind of seems to be all the time these days. Death Grips is really great too for getting me out of my skin.",3.351742424242424,3.964056750000001,4.075454545454543,91.96651515151515,72.4090909090909,7.684848484848485,19.21212121212121,7.793537801064563,0.2222666666666675,163,2,38,2,3,52,39,44,0.076,0.7240000000000001,0.199,0.742,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,8,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624596764277903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126231599767625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486819199299358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237929056259192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882323843164368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214262252447266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704869484408044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730539496954844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snotroggeltje,2019/01/31,"Lost (m) 16 I'm just fucking lost. I don't know what's going on in my head and it just doesn't stop. I feel anxious and don't know what to do. I failing school, cutting myself for whatever reason and my gf broke up with me... I just want it to stop before I make a stupid decision",-1.2219354838709684,0.7712883387096809,1.5163709677419348,97.99455645161294,93.03225806451613,4.390322580645162,17.427419354838708,5.985473137389443,-0.4424258064516131,215,6,52,2,8,74,42,62,0.249,0.644,0.107,-0.8772,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,3,0,1,0,4,2,1,2,0,16,14,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,1,9,0,7,12,0,6,0,4,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,31,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812684244004596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185753594385576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588814086911326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017136436577554,0.0,0.0,0.1414969937505946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255517946609898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736579062987553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435664974794304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619129366676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559855299626763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519737904298565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41630485911260223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468506225600406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bootywhisper,2019/01/31,I just want to get in an accident. I can't kill myself. I can't live. I wasn't meant to be born. I'm not strong enough for this world. But what would my kitties think? What would my boyfriend do? He'd be screwed. Could he afford the apartment on his own? Could he handle it? Would his depression take him down too? My family would regret not contacting me but every few months. My friends would cry at my funeral but where were they when I said I don't want to live? My coworkers would go through my stuff after a few missed days. How do people live so easily?,0.3013333333333321,2.6834193652173965,1.5599999999999987,97.53333333333336,90.13043478260867,5.501449275362319,17.231884057971016,7.03164865440522,0.010257971014492995,437,11,99,7,15,138,77,115,0.173,0.7190000000000001,0.107,-0.7974,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,0,3,0,18,1,0,1,0,20,28,6,2,11,6,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,1,20,2,10,13,4,13,0,3,0,1,10,7,1,0,5,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497439145157191,0.0,0.1717970704661546,0.10086448271721857,0.0,0.1347063180493218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161602081285717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177298952892652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743915493592982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083355884196513,0.0,0.08171207606688095,0.0,0.08888521432779244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303243476958166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143098193535768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483627170336818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084274453831084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877136177657072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790395545239445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759266118097846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021422994151584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449648595964055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6666086118264672,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,barkinggeeman,2019/01/31,"Help get me through Hi guys and gals,

I need something to get me through the next 17 hours until I can see my therapist any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please don't respond with cliché ""think of your family"" kind of things because I wouldn't be at this point if that was going to ever work.
",7.802146892655365,6.911771474576273,7.280000000000001,77.89706214689267,63.067796610169495,10.578531073446328,34.92090395480226,9.725611199111238,3.043266666666667,243,9,48,4,3,76,49,59,0.0,0.852,0.14800000000000002,0.8347,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,13,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,8,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,4,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543433371736227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829727793792205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200548237356796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293366209738864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25420074370451995,0.0,0.1382579459122226,0.0,0.0,0.2682099112472663,0.0,0.24087902916942874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306111041312352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395754104586776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25333193194612874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038423029671485,0.0,0.0,0.2587241451338784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670412679240659,0.2299721064494236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938574962655048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872838386020936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824593034614429,0.16162011490610326,0.15587984669523214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710601769929096,0.0,0.0,0.17281452656951796,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jjay425,2019/01/31,"I hate myself I honestly never thought I would post here. I never speak up. I am voiceless. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack at work today from stress and too much change. I was so scared of it happening and I knew people could tell. I was trying to act fine because I was scared of embarrassing myself in front of my coworkers. I feel like my social anxiety makes me look dumb around people. My mind starts to race and I forget what I want to say and word things oddly. At the end of the day I just replay my list of embarrassing moments. On my way home today I just thought about how I could just end it right now. I probably would have if I knew I would have done it right and not wake up later from it. I don't want to suffer anymore but I don't want to screw up a suicide. I just see no point of me being alive. I know that people think I'm dumb and a screw up. When I've tried my whole life to never look that way  I feel like people would just move on without me . My work would hire someone new, my parents would be able to forget about me, and my boyfriend would find another girl probably one that makes me want to be more involved. I don't have children and probably shouldn't. I don't know why I'm here.",1.7225328614762423,3.462875732558139,3.1460229187731734,92.48655712841257,78.49612403100775,6.192382878328277,20.519716885743176,7.079830092131019,0.3070594539939337,961,24,215,11,23,314,126,258,0.142,0.764,0.093,-0.9363,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,15,17,6,5,5,0,27,4,1,3,3,53,52,13,1,15,9,1,3,3,0,8,1,2,1,2,9,9,0,0,11,0,0,4,11,12,0,1,10,8,43,5,30,29,3,34,0,1,3,2,8,13,4,1,17,145,52,3,0.08994520475310791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431538965050756,0.13761567089055182,0.0,0.08920147411758708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007030172105421,0.0,0.10232565531801767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054829761976287056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515010032024816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362785417486867,0.0,0.0,0.05800721608462017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204517277050983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932950852015498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095799614837197,0.12851374449504396,0.08636150185465942,0.0,0.08220828764956538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111793264924817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953824751457296,0.0,0.0,0.08880226828043783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022237405109668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886306452397864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353095811284154,0.13182805120375973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106263742786685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200782452173216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081901630499233,0.0,0.0,0.0955975181588438,0.06612007472143568,0.0,0.20811386055475,0.08686963923459833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060949198540901174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987350558098927,0.0,0.0,0.24942671927340898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502729135113031,0.0,0.08614264300244233,0.0,0.2909284306498845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362542681380975,0.0,0.0715280369558448,0.18010168205139246,0.0,0.07167468294331067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168780917906676,0.07621028010408658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366367886967797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303192815156004,0.0,0.0,0.0983854553024327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861607344959431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975559736565975,0.05763325537760342,0.0,0.1428128911942033,0.0,0.0,0.1705150741784065,0.0,0.0,0.12213377973811387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220804865312626,0.14278863385669893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116155720802752,0.10042060897840277,0.0,0.08670396767987938,0.0,0.1309623606049619,0.0,0.0,0.44726144961827896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadowZRiZe,2019/01/31,"I’m giving myself a month This is a follow up, I’m giving myself exactly one month
In this one month I will find a therapist
If my life finally starts improving I live
When it doesn’t start improving, and in a month I still wanna kill myself, I will do it no matter what",3.3781578947368414,4.198125719298247,5.493815789473686,81.0554605263158,72.50877192982456,9.208771929824564,23.021929824561404,9.516144504307137,1.818477192982456,214,5,44,5,4,75,36,57,0.12,0.679,0.2,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,12,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,8,0,4,10,0,13,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,9,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225018653530792,0.18564285542915346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896916254211035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471595768913666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346568709098026,0.0,0.0,0.17935371088091348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6484958126496916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275271108953967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28753079453186164,0.0,0.16220739910851276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358314398488449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chstc,2019/01/31,"Asking for help I think today might be the day, I have everything ready. i don’t know if this is real, I started celexa last Friday and I think that’s what’s causing this. I’m thinking of telling my mom but I know I’ll either end up in the er or she won’t take me serious. My biggest fear is being labeled as an attention seeker. I’ve been to the er for self harm but never suicide, cab anyone give me a run down on what might happen? Thanks. ",1.002093567251464,2.8112268,3.0592982456140376,91.92953216374272,81.0,5.485380116959064,21.08187134502924,6.42735559955562,0.2502046783625729,346,10,76,3,9,117,72,95,0.108,0.764,0.127,0.2108,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,1,1,17,22,6,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,0,11,1,9,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,6,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447465205911335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979328737049494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756567045451848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403052333298276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033848250288047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284486191632864,0.0,0.0,0.216413526716336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449091832187414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006798688338387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289080769581451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138814200846687,0.1567665110382784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40804236628398105,0.0,0.2252429205761644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832908029809105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189023234535636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063175773569145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612512270870206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036692213798408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460074461775893,0.0,0.16809620234339573,0.17706246491614547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369692771435873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229692195241828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fargo1411,2019/01/31,I want to tell someone but don’t have the guts? I feel like shit no matter how i try to improve my life something seems to set me back to a depressed suicidal mindset and i want to tell my parents/school/ anyone but im too much of a wimp to tell them,2.3153636363636347,3.1079510363636373,3.717954545454546,92.8969318181818,75.0,6.2272727272727275,28.29545454545455,5.985473137389443,0.9274545454545456,197,8,46,1,4,65,40,55,0.315,0.527,0.159,-0.9398,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,2,3,2,1,0,9,6,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,7,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968062313690792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560134405181546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669352599147089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547001732305875,0.16314656139618006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466772579926134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130348390423807,0.11156935435951164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787718500376775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311211981130375,0.0,0.2078981811292516,0.0,0.0,0.23441706880648025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934959593757837,0.17580929234917994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979816418948814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988126221440287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550472774167758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693954142755988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Krowerl,2019/01/31,"Came here because I don't want to live and basically want support I've been feeling this way on and off for 8 years give or take a few years. I have a method that has a fairly high success rate with 2 backups in case I'm ""rescued"" beforehand. Whilst I don't want to live I don't feel suicidal and I do not (hehe doughnut) and will not actively pursue these methods for another 3 years and I am currently able to be happy etc. and basically be ""normal"" for the duration of the next 3 years (i.e. not feel depressed/ suicidal if that makes sense cos I'm able to suppress these feelings really well). 

If I become happy and I find a reason to live I will of course not commit suicide after 3 years. I just don't want to live. So if I don't, I do plan on doing so. There was a time for a few years ago when I was suicidal but I've managed to suppress those feelings and I've forgotten how bad I felt during that period (my current low mood doesn't even come close and I'm amazed that 12 year old me got through that period).  I get that's not particularly descriptive but to give a comparison it takes me a good few months of negative thoughts about myself now to make me feel depressed but back in my most depressed state a glance in the mirror would make me feel extremely suicidal for a week or so (as you can imagine I avoided and still avoid mirrors).

Those thoughts came from an extreme loneliness, which led to self-hate in terms of why I was unable to interact with others which led to me ""finding"" (I'm not sure if these are true or I just made them up about myself) severe faults in myself leading to severe low self-esteem resulting in a massive feeling of worthlessness leading to constant thoughts that I don't deserve to live (and these thoughts were so bad I thought I felt I didn't even get to deserve to die because only *normal* people deserve normal things like that). That's how bad my worthlessness felt back then. 

​

I just wanted to get that off my chest. I only figured out the true reason for my suicidal/depressive feelings as displayed in the paragraph above in Jan this year. I just wanted to share that in case it resonates with anyone else who may be unsure as to why they're feeling suicidal. 

However, whenever I feel lonely those thoughts start creeping up. And that's why I wanted to post here because I'd like to survive after 3 years. ",4.596401757446532,5.737061765458424,5.275115332428765,82.5559656264134,69.93816631130065,8.243483879304774,30.41681204367772,8.575989854853784,2.302844491826581,1884,76,364,30,33,609,214,469,0.157,0.726,0.117,-0.9677,3,4,2,0,0,2,49.0,0,1,1,5,23,28,0,2,17,0,28,1,1,14,4,99,76,33,7,15,20,0,14,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,28,20,0,4,26,0,0,7,15,14,1,0,19,15,42,13,61,50,6,61,0,8,1,0,7,20,0,9,33,232,70,4,0.11712615349999066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191263404501558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345306919122491,0.07116054829942281,0.0,0.061408492181096924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040948664922954,0.060004792794596425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006278227550499,0.14669316871468818,0.10709852407191248,0.0646783172031049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339611168406691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050446905090922735,0.0,0.06328588105257547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201761168765816,0.0,0.060779227749081476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048921935974744965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653133110264568,0.07736071974368162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257237635120682,0.0,0.16868921279045265,0.0,0.10705118237981083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179037150005176,0.11235807908793947,0.0,0.04911993027153914,0.046838242315845525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468296835271454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187510592239904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057221922329560214,0.0,0.2585613484777469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055413799216802805,0.11727392544109665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046744489137503634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228249650724036,0.0,0.17213814328938334,0.0,0.0,0.061452097679254615,0.0,0.0,0.08907971764335745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406002636394117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608723919687519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03751700655933085,0.12042519313130905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218812236540515,0.13231921482086506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041451247146148514,0.0,0.04676854874155646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843510047550709,0.0664566854920371,0.05519500677132564,0.0,0.08806429090233849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890670597029278,0.0,0.0,0.2789552482820671,0.03414860100471016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179413988902104,0.0464846444373006,0.04697576769851178,0.0,0.052655239141023366,0.0,0.1585322035889396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041601529466439455,0.0,0.07116054829942281,0.3394143122499378
suicidewatch,RomaSomaToma,2019/01/31,I tried cutting myself to die I have always felt really indifferent about life an I've become really bored with everyday happenings. I had never cut myself before but I planned to attempt to kill myself to test if I would have any regrets. I even wrote a note saying for my family not to be blamed and I apologise for for being selfish ect. I managed to cause bleeding but couldn't dig deep enough as my knife was too dull. When I did this I still didn't seem to care if I died so I was wondering if anyone just had any general advice as a last resort. Not asking for persuasion just general comments. Also the post is not urgent and I don't mind waiting a little longer to die so please don't be too worried.,3.679440559440561,5.154830510489512,5.240839160839162,80.64279720279723,72.56643356643356,8.276923076923078,25.58741258741259,8.841846274778883,1.9728657342657343,565,18,107,11,11,191,92,143,0.251,0.6579999999999999,0.091,-0.9789,1,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,3,0,5,0,16,2,0,1,1,26,24,13,4,6,10,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,8,2,18,1,16,11,1,8,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,5,5,78,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985036544435904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081640759896987,0.13611326720348987,0.0,0.0,0.2224826390982655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438028654575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529270194311383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066338594695192,0.13919617115571425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678267632938482,0.16804369933046873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509316640656022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902385837983702,0.0,0.10804431973931908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421048197685575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706430260467588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465495745197587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097916510062345,0.0,0.0,0.13334110316532755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554275244765175,0.0,0.16395206496410428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517111389739805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616446629737485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956383267271536,0.0,0.0,0.15666626745875878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095895418651164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008691372757913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489188422662646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063673788762445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110613903595806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739762145646507,0.0,0.16612538691476694,0.0,0.1162039072596348,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,punnettsquared,2019/01/31,"I don’t know what to title this, I just need to get it out there. I’m a teenage girl. And I feel like my life has turned into a living hell.

Everything in my life keeps getting worse and worse. I’ve been losing friends for various reasons. I’ve turned to smoking and vaping to try and alleviate some of this pain. It was great for a while... until the high wears off and it just doesn’t cut it anymore. My friends? They wouldn’t understand. I can feel them slipping away as I delve deeper into this pit. I’ve tried reaching out to them, but sympathetic “oh i’m so sorry’s” just don’t cut it anymore.

I came home from school early today and told my mom I was sick. I planned on doing it today- I wrote out the note to give to my brother- but I don’t want to burden my mother with the same pain I’m going through. The only thing stopping me is the pain of telling the woman who gave me life that I don’t want it anymore.

Well... I’m not for sure what to do now. I’m scared.",0.22623188405797026,2.329148724637683,2.05719806763285,96.3434782608696,85.90821256038647,4.759420289855073,19.144927536231886,6.046907544983943,-0.2422289855072459,754,21,174,6,23,248,116,207,0.197,0.7240000000000001,0.08,-0.9805,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,2,7,15,3,1,9,0,14,8,1,1,1,34,37,12,0,4,6,3,2,1,2,1,7,0,1,2,15,13,0,2,5,0,0,2,7,9,1,0,7,2,22,6,28,29,3,19,1,1,0,0,16,10,1,1,8,108,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617622619649039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424047230960295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390698120434653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927980092881552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296198299389025,0.08686594655902387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788464742620628,0.0,0.1270544768309631,0.11664292825290025,0.06910401098597843,0.0,0.0,0.1340565312980024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846950747704086,0.12196752889809485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807729977036402,0.0,0.0,0.0668242429114844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576538486505543,0.05940411793224015,0.0,0.10736870215041004,0.0,0.0,0.13603128159379627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240806031656136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015954743053553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247683120081104,0.3881500523154917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125017686990385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217356411933814,0.12305844188276445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611322530280864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016570557263609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459980923502895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627749836074712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078087752813277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305115826994001,0.1161871658457622,0.0,0.16510710858933428,0.2645161792982004,0.0,0.12658243080588086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343721044100524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932656256002088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24782697634376036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,otakuman5,2019/01/31,pls  **7th floor high enough to kill me without pain ?** ,-1.59,-7.075039999999998,-1.83,111.74500000000002,199.0,0.8,12.0,3.1291,-2.1866,40,1,9,0,5,11,10,10,0.281,0.479,0.24,-0.4015,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418159301281703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517734955378206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730662223025556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549870999780396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121825818547902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,graelimur,2019/01/31,"Silent Killer This morning, my 24 year old cousin committed suicide. He has 2 boys under the age of 2, and a baby girl on the way. He was far gone in to drugs and alcohol, but there were no signs. Rest in peace, Brendan. ❤",-0.292536231884057,1.9420468478260915,1.5086956521739123,97.90115942028986,91.3913043478261,4.8057971014492775,18.536231884057973,6.42735559955562,-0.11443768115941964,169,5,39,2,6,55,41,46,0.156,0.7240000000000001,0.12,-0.2263,0,0,2,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,1,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426355318775541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803206401605294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434615253819784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45304884019689096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287590872208752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667201917147773
suicidewatch,hopelessforever21,2019/01/31,"I'm either running away or killing myself I'm 16. I'm not in terms with my dad, my mom is genuinely mentally ill, extremely manipulative and just an awful person all around. My whole childhood has been a shit show and the way i was brought up really fucked me up emotionally to the point where I don't feel like I'll ever be able to have a normal life. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't an extremely jealous and a bitter person because I most definitely am even though I don't show it. I envy the people who had normal balanced childhoods, normal parents etc... I've been suffering with severe depression for nearly 4 years now and I can't handle this anymore. I already attempted suicide once but that was a major fail. Also I'm facing charges for three drug related crimes (nothing big, max I'll get is a 120 euro fine if even that) however I feel like I've let myself as well as everyone around me down and the stress that these things are causing me are just way too much to handle at this point. On the 11th day of next month I will either run away to another country (which is basically suicide since I have very little money) or kill myself. I'm not quite sure yet, might just try running away for the sake of it.",5.851080139372819,5.604538056910571,6.80432055749129,77.57560975609756,66.8048780487805,9.630197444831591,30.98606271777004,9.23628265651192,2.5490404181184667,966,33,189,16,14,324,152,246,0.217,0.7440000000000001,0.04,-0.9924,2,0,1,0,0,4,21.0,0,0,0,3,15,15,6,1,13,1,23,6,2,2,3,33,34,14,4,5,12,3,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,11,9,0,0,2,2,2,4,6,10,1,1,8,4,21,5,25,21,9,33,0,3,0,1,7,17,2,6,12,126,32,1,0.1095005350792356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083656336323273,0.08756753834141104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482085855811368,0.0,0.0,0.10859510712709636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949573833641937,0.0,0.0,0.30863807173240976,0.0,0.0,0.06675050983708063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248721283697173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706187863728586,0.0,0.0943126504110398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698585657285358,0.0,0.0,0.12317336359504967,0.0,0.0,0.12212204177257692,0.14464814139138618,0.09904950300311184,0.0,0.10463245381054967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073352131801814,0.15645440827969476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123148021263832,0.057209510110983526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229223642234005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197171600675017,0.07734346624200973,0.10699286070808776,0.10974830297213248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035078455915737,0.11616276349299835,0.0,0.12824570325695794,0.08740228240420402,0.0,0.08049549257628517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645506131325295,0.0,0.32186182563803073,0.10506871665428896,0.0,0.0,0.1166144961485234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158738569083605,0.0,0.0,0.07591388362077425,0.19122328719731496,0.0,0.0,0.20702679870135315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646729774405118,0.0,0.0,0.07014884669320673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416008423057543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370443655139927,0.112400725693864,0.09057997416485092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254324929695749,0.0,0.0,0.23955162544134065,0.0,0.10320295842657673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274728990255606,0.0,0.1075837197507656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434367551490215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034940926411356,0.0,0.17383285583105346,0.0,0.0,0.0984541315218318,0.0,0.0,0.12225343692641764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051475447496287
suicidewatch,Tommy94y,2019/01/31,"Worried that at some point in the future I will give into my urge to commit suicide. I have had depression for some time now, since I was maybe 11 or 12. Since then I often have impulsive thoughts in wanting to quickly kill my self however, thus far I have managed to not act on any of these thoughts as I am very aware of everyone's lives that I would be destroying in doing so (My Mum etc).   


I greatly fear that at some point in the future I will not be able to resist this urge anymore and through being impulsive will end my own life. I cannot do this to my family. How did any of you overcome depression and if you have not, how have you continued to fight off these thoughts? 

​

I can note that my depression has been severely worse since I finished Chemotherapy for Cancer which I was diagnosed with as a teenager some years back. At first it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was ecstatic to be alive on a daily basis, this feeling however, diminished over time, and I now fear that my Chemotherapy has left me slightly Bi-polar.",7.942028985507243,6.516503420289857,7.760294685990338,76.2940652173913,63.10628019323672,11.565024154589373,37.12512077294686,10.577609850970193,3.7305810628019316,836,34,163,17,10,268,118,207,0.202,0.738,0.061,-0.9875,2,0,0,0,1,2,22.0,0,3,0,2,9,10,3,2,5,0,27,3,0,3,2,26,34,11,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,14,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,10,1,27,2,29,16,7,32,0,3,0,0,7,16,0,7,15,128,41,1,0.12862027654357014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936001589797434,0.15628771419125576,0.17493239725369022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275567530319256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890105340614404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497904499201385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33234136715351864,0.13054687325617212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391938849694686,0.0,0.1434456075807143,0.0,0.11634440378345925,0.0,0.12290218613824128,0.0,0.0,0.12125174981380685,0.289467139353854,0.06503427642732866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940434152226207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338428926718112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418043089587506,0.0,0.0,0.11373848577249272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229927931608335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974630680243905,0.0,0.09084830507620036,0.0,0.0,0.11357406062067554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921635552819094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431754701621313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417899947494868,0.1453043021880599,0.0,0.31918806564631536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068970662303934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854495965548605,0.0,0.0,0.3063303976538648,0.14999903517884106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612519835350204,0.07586357154185416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306201342067933,0.1310750501355365,0.09136815416053687,0.0,0.15628771419125576,0.08282724111264671
suicidewatch,denizaydar,2019/01/31,"I think I am going to try to kill myself again I have been suicidal for 4 years, and last Wednesday evening I tried to kill myself by overdosing on pills. It was my first suicide attempt that has nearly worked, however, I ended up being hospitalised and I came out of hospital 2 days after. at the hospital, I saw a number of professionals (consultants, psychologists and psychiatrists) and I am currently seeing a clinical psychologist and will also be seeing a therapist in the upcoming weeks. However, my suicidal thoughts have restarted and I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I am posting this. I am starting to feel like nothing is real (my psychologist agrees with me that I also have derealisation/depersonalisation) and that everything around me is a figment of my imagination. I just feel like I'm living in a simulation and that everything around me is unimportant because nothing is real. This is why it was easy for me to try to kill myself. Because the worry of dying didn't affect me as it feels like nothing is real anyway. I don't know what to do. I am constantly questioning whether anything around me is real. I am looking at my mum and wondering if even she is real. Can someone please offer me some advice?  I want this feeling to go away.",6.074474789915963,7.261265050420175,7.514611344537815,67.6805724789916,66.56302521008404,10.655882352941175,34.622899159663866,10.686352973137794,4.127898319327731,1014,47,169,28,16,349,124,238,0.141,0.7809999999999999,0.077,-0.9701,3,0,0,0,0,4,25.0,0,0,0,3,11,6,3,0,8,0,31,2,0,1,0,38,51,14,7,2,3,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,15,0,0,12,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,7,8,34,3,31,41,1,28,0,0,4,0,5,12,0,4,15,137,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676259350839245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200744258777834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306494824730722,0.23712039829086154,0.0,0.0,0.08341923670592273,0.0,0.0,0.10824866580623599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154980397894274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594827166404543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572609065037508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214791290896364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863980299754547,0.0,0.0,0.17593088451892805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959383564436974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957549645625456,0.1902904674112275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552301656374723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092051850320392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946922584405218,0.0,0.1463866672930049,0.07237405995121671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013197708951188,0.0,0.07840141937805943,0.0,0.0745595474306904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555834050607229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746254742479593,0.0,0.0,0.08503434848094091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946286576103146,0.0,0.0,0.5053008380476243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415050607743631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522977343540853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628445943367378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29135894140394203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308969648471608,0.0,0.056891757102591374,0.0,0.07048774413059436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084364535780734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236945527408182,0.0,0.07122036773130258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602346967387003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962867846876487,0.06463871214894835,0.09016851088355757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057176552734948226
suicidewatch,enigmasfoot,2019/01/31,"Ignore what my account is I can’t put this on my regular account. I’m 20 and have been dealing with depression for a long time, I use to cut myself when young, I hate myself constantly and when I found someone to talk to it was great but now they’ve left just like everyone else and I really just want to end myself, I don’t know what to do",3.1615068493150718,3.7589722739726033,4.8135890410958915,86.55572602739728,72.83561643835617,8.579726027397259,25.558904109589037,8.841846274778883,1.6251610958904108,268,8,60,5,5,91,52,73,0.113,0.778,0.109,0.1698,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,12,13,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,11,2,8,10,0,11,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,9,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27463038661101885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620027269103739,0.21888668870397324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122977505731818,0.0,0.2250887809198885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428375328839425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786466557160416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28018548426081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509063700229279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966632344749658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761191597957073,0.0,0.0,0.12415785630713977,0.0,0.0,0.22490207952265295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25547655103917266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280582405604133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532833687266545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426463301027228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818855865114516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949163132832045,0.0,0.0,0.14989580842985611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ron-old-mikie,2019/01/31,"I can't do it anymore I don't have a plan yet, probably gonna overdose on pills. I've had depression all my life, I was born depressed. These last two years have been the hardest of my life. I've fallen so deep into my depression that I literally can't do anything even slightly challenging anymore. I'm 16 in my sophomore year of high school, I'm a highly intelligent person but my work quality, and efficiency has gone straight out the window. I can no longer bring myself to do so much as read a book, let alone write a fucking paper. I used to love reading, I used to take pride in my school work, I used to be a fucking full on honor student. Now I'm nobody, everyday I fall further down this infinite dark staircase. I've never felt true happiness in my life, and I don't know if I ever will. I'm stuck in this endless cycle of feeling nothing but sadness, and doing nothing but strum my guitar and play my keyboard all day. The only thing I've been able to bring myself to do anymore is to write songs, to act, to sing these are my true passions, but of course I'm never gonna make it in that world. At the rate I'm going I'm gonna end up a junkie singing on the street to make enough money to drink myself to sleep on the sidewalk. I have aspergers so I'm probably doomed to always be fucked up. I'm doing nothing all day everyday and yet I'm still drowning in stress, anxiety attacks, and constant self doubt. I put a lot of value in getting a good education, yet I'm throwing away all my potential, and that's probably the worst part of it all. I watch myself waste my life everyday and I'm powerless to stop it. The only thing that's been going well for me is my arts, acting, singing, writing those are the only things I'm really good at, those are the only things that have ever made me feel close to happy, but I'll never make it. I can't imagine a life where I'm happy doing anything else, and with the way I've been wasting my education I'm not even gonna make it to college. If by some miracle I did make it to college I probably won't be able to handle that workload, and I'd be wasting money trying to build a career that will never pan out. People say it gets better, but my life is only constantly getting worse. I'll never be happy, and what the hell is the point of existing if not to be happy. I failed my first suicide attempt, I'm ready to try again. I'm tired of all this senseless pain, these broken dreams, tired of being to afraid and stuck in my head to talk to anybody, I'm to scared of fucking up relationships to even build them, I'm so fed up with all of it. I really wanna kill myself, but just like so many other things in life I can't bring myself to follow through. I don't wanna live life like this anymore, but I'm powerless to stop it. No matter how hard I try to pick myself up I fall down harder every time. So I can't do it anymore, today could be my last day, and I hope it is.",4.29317253854768,4.4349759574468095,5.705994056335605,82.79179149797575,70.11292962356792,8.330105952278405,28.517572573003697,8.119692808369301,1.7815505728314238,2294,76,479,29,38,778,254,611,0.196,0.6679999999999999,0.136,-0.9926,3,1,1,0,0,2,62.0,0,0,1,10,21,39,7,4,23,0,50,22,2,11,16,78,107,32,3,7,14,0,4,2,0,7,12,2,1,2,35,19,2,2,5,12,2,14,18,19,1,3,13,7,53,20,74,77,14,85,2,6,1,6,10,37,5,7,35,306,88,15,0.11636564742111567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025985834260189,0.0,0.0,0.048412770256012747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044509700885185084,0.0,0.28850863464881515,0.0,0.0,0.09575901283184493,0.0,0.0,0.06619136151591018,0.054664678137505994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145797939497146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574992520862133,0.0,0.04645425035342611,0.0,0.0,0.11256932384519608,0.0,0.15033834241733016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056997016804019376,0.0,0.0,0.048604283353299235,0.0,0.05153271223054103,0.06011841014215311,0.0,0.11528761897663252,0.10525939015144137,0.04902153838075491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058837967732609575,0.0,0.05586463504731799,0.0,0.0,0.049490280125491226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515633189951985,0.09119437194382976,0.0,0.0661332790768172,0.09760198412608448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096834887254977,0.05212038177340991,0.0,0.059712362872079226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294669541778552,0.0,0.0577886721069445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437067393322285,0.0,0.031975758299029274,0.0948535337642793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949587925095709,0.3287699924582868,0.05685037747406774,0.0,0.05137649929516744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946495608125081,0.05251227000788057,0.0550539945967532,0.19418743311913889,0.05898825108722106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277107002875854,0.0,0.2243709025144416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748396564913992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212532962516416,0.06191062662211728,0.0,0.0,0.06300632820375428,0.0,0.040336644060188505,0.05080299744792998,0.0,0.0,0.05500157475708135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509236987023346,0.0,0.0,0.058489808032851365,0.0,0.0,0.11639713761792382,0.0,0.07454681345066329,0.0,0.0,0.06246657835121505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626931670218232,0.058251156609930486,0.11776824765558755,0.0,0.0,0.060697374332462875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058224842650008685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464648781730688,0.097286891752826,0.06664822798120255,0.0,0.0,0.0636425656849329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043746242488586905,0.046765149772355206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327041373626547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033926872399500214,0.13374519363231308,0.055150513738599916,0.0,0.0,0.11850695423584395,0.0,0.05683616447027191,0.0,0.0,0.15075383626001398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618281727391721,0.0,0.0,0.052313345992014884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471557723074409,0.0,0.059293268058749925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493566174158414
suicidewatch,SwixSwax,2019/01/31,I am going to kill myself tonight. Don't try to talk me out of it because it's going to happen. I just want some positive thoughts and sentiments to go out on. I figure I might as well experience some happiness on my way out since I got so little of it everywhere else. ,3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,5.462857142857144,80.83214285714288,72.57142857142857,9.171428571428573,28.285714285714285,9.516144504307137,2.47705,212,8,44,5,4,74,41,56,0.079,0.742,0.179,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,10,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,8,2,12,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713460006388755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533430764874745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521491650134257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394910143731552,0.0,0.20616274232838025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794574082576144,0.27440165777252284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851850402471354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583539172555724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734539320873982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132305513310761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071862900461124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046411085230856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500935570119228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520398122002984,0.20460634941699088,0.0,0.0,0.2317667777980981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tgreenclee,2019/01/31,"struggling I don't necessarily want to die, probably down to fear of the unknown, so I'm probably not brave enough to act on my feelings, despite this I'm always thinking of how i could just end myself, where would be the best place and least painful method. I also don't want to be alive, I just don't want to do this anymore, I feel constantly trapped in a pit of misery and depression that just seems to get deeper and deeper. I have no motivation to help myself because I just do not see a point to life. If there was a pill for just ceasing to exist, that would be ideal.",8.546410256410258,5.750614410256411,8.563350427350429,75.34553846153847,63.017094017094024,11.41128205128205,37.07521367521368,9.3871,3.1762834188034184,454,16,94,6,5,149,72,117,0.222,0.644,0.134,-0.8637,0,1,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,0,2,5,0,13,3,0,2,0,24,24,7,1,8,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,3,10,3,16,17,3,9,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,2,2,68,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938201859995626,0.15543061444879988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525308144984848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387011775028805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603261624000293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018619058433157,0.0,0.14914272903634634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088854802545655,0.0,0.19386647614057712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544727938206313,0.19301191356467126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101992966626889,0.1889010157699528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097594065853189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520653178143742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194070921239065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987658769762465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951637934297336,0.0,0.17658416394965545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027989357232201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885354764077047,0.17005357105891253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528146893517584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196923958746781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33053429310172266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653913917107604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fujoro,2019/01/31,"I want to end it all It’s just so much shit going on all at once. I’m fuckin stressed and I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m just plain tired. I want to end it but I feel guilty about leaving those that I love behind me. Yes I’m not a burden but at the same time I really feel like one. There’s just so many expectations that people have for me and I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired. 

I haven’t lapsed like this since 3 or 4 years ago. I don’t remember how I got out of this. Why is it so goddamn hard. I haven’t been this depressed since too. I thought a change or scenery would’ve been good for me but I guess it was just as toxic as the headspace I was at before. I just want to be finished. And I’m sorry for the people that need to deal with this too. I’m sorry for making people’s lives more difficult. I’m sorry to myself that I couldn’t make things better.
",-0.7058575445173361,1.21125637113402,1.4130084348641034,100.63815370196815,88.38144329896906,4.352014995313964,15.51921274601687,5.565023196281405,-0.9979711340206188,672,13,170,4,22,223,99,194,0.172,0.667,0.161,-0.2736,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,2,1,5,1,15,5,1,3,2,34,36,14,0,7,11,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,16,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,6,3,20,5,21,27,5,12,0,1,0,2,2,5,2,3,8,105,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162547467294856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497687790381128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107153437800863,0.0,0.0,0.11137098808927426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321262130160633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982379700997745,0.10845956214879987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306546613435155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734356616004078,0.08996129651913035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156643850932677,0.10562044545279912,0.10071423127593818,0.0,0.1387212804090833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280463177810095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333370618504592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304180589636335,0.0,0.11119463994402094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365279916451458,0.0,0.16811267411026062,0.1276688258358626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256982856197953,0.09337226038189557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410668809908927,0.08533046708872151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619029327234454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067118424123827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264919309468324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292608514428605,0.20833396780925065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228903053507035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424738576872878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365939432256117,0.0,0.0,0.09997088561972044,0.07342824856975054,0.2894659786909085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970968010252964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362829622052292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945395584791821,0.0,0.0,0.08109197824525734
suicidewatch,Cronch77,2019/01/31,"I plan on killing myself soon. Life is as fucked as is. It’s all fucked up. I want an easy way out of shit, I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s fucked up.",-3.090810810810812,-1.5238725135135134,-0.2661621621621606,110.15102702702706,98.45945945945944,2.9600000000000004,12.805405405405404,3.1291,-2.0298821621621626,115,2,35,0,5,39,25,37,0.4270000000000001,0.463,0.111,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,1,4,9,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,9,1,6,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27017760355993925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7555721280333341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014037074485844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924255421179212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796457364402644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32137283945360623,0.21624245166703124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ghoulicide,2019/01/31,"Losing my tether to this world.. I shouldn't be here. I'm a waste of space in an already crowded hell hole. My poor babies, they deserve so much more. When they were born, it felt like I was finally tethered to existing, like I had some purpose. Three years later and I realise  how incredibly selfish it's been. They deserve a better family, a much better mother. I'll never be the best that they deserve. My babies deserve a mom who can show that what love is, how to love themselves and be loved by someone else, but I'm a pathetic failure who doesn't know the first thing about it. Every time they're away to see their dad I want to end my undeserving shit show of a life. I shouldn't wait much longer, hopefully they won't even remember me after some time since they're so young now. ",2.724945750452079,4.687585563291144,3.7481374321880665,88.2913924050633,76.27848101265823,6.53960216998192,23.943942133815554,7.447530270364453,1.0257688969258587,621,20,126,8,14,200,103,158,0.185,0.695,0.119,-0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,6,5,9,13,2,0,9,0,13,5,1,2,1,16,24,8,0,4,1,3,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,5,4,0,2,5,2,17,9,12,13,7,17,1,1,1,3,15,4,2,3,15,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952084633902107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284272217974634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707220728622254,0.2877535518937042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589782708730525,0.0,0.1440857293407774,0.0,0.0,0.10744825920731703,0.0,0.1370644742973938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533597312650257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619780789218238,0.178207413544805,0.0,0.13837507863470586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157742544025064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940438522095769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149053244490388,0.15895394880448258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199672112741905,0.0,0.0,0.4404737338242287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190528235388704,0.0,0.0,0.35876439758550843,0.0,0.12546844026766402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842841331122173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963447967768638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669881436881572,0.13457014309948906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783779155602166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807701484293193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971942062992625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595256944604526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476024847447256
suicidewatch,West_Breakfast,2019/01/31,"Dealing with some mental problems thanks to some private detective work (tw child abuse) I don't have a licence or anything but I'm doing some detective work into corruption related to child exploitation around the world and it's turning my stomach. If you're a fan of True Detective you'd be perfect to talk to, expect some shocking information about how horrible the real world is and for me to be a lot like Rust. ",6.621645569620258,7.483414202531647,7.002379746835443,73.00053164556962,65.20253164556962,10.370632911392406,37.31898734177216,10.355215969177356,4.15789924050633,338,17,57,8,5,110,60,79,0.114,0.696,0.19,0.775,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,5,0,7,1,1,1,2,20,10,6,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,11,7,5,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,7,1,38,5,2,0.0,0.3296132325266553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22892914790986515,0.247650763852079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28680478323352515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359110551436725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23650975322740234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035312760327835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661931447373518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31664455547368875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236010078354154,0.0,0.2561227519649508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025941153776472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40505565662383547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shwarmaandfalafel,2019/01/31,"Miserable I just wanna move to an isolated cave/ off my self so I'll never talk to anyone again. Even though I'll never know what happened to my family, I won't have to go through the grieving process again when they die. I don't want to be in pain and constant fear anymore. Everyday I'm terrified that something horrible will happened to my loved ones, like a car crash or a stroke. What's the point of making it through every day if we all end up dead?",4.653548387096773,5.177501182795698,5.300161290322585,84.6702419354839,69.43010752688173,8.780645161290323,30.553763440860216,8.841846274778883,2.280363440860216,362,14,75,6,6,117,72,93,0.317,0.625,0.058,-0.9809,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,0,7,6,0,2,5,0,5,3,0,1,3,12,13,6,3,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,0,1,8,2,13,10,1,16,0,2,0,1,5,4,0,2,10,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632049426863747,0.14546691018937627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481811293852635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416905507581575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591342430798527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842623301612916,0.0,0.0,0.1374089349715462,0.0,0.17528328122376133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612227779316768,0.2341036513020519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182343367586165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36793944725252986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433374021718035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163818835167436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776487428846111,0.0,0.1388687975688053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211143637759563,0.0,0.0,0.3209076606156263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409737775371218,0.0,0.22136999644230165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666572723633807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703184530899586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601599119430339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672152521071662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439895333643499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270780813605353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Archimedes08,2019/01/31,"Schizoaffective and Done w/ It All 15 years of schizoaffective disorder, delusions, hallucinations and obsessive compulsive disorder have me by the balls. I've lost my citizenship because delusions made me renounce and now I'm enrolled as a foreign student so I can be at home with my mom. I'm 29 with no degree. I'm on antipsychotics, Atavan and Luvox. My mental disorders were first diagnosed only weeks ago, but since then, so many things from my past now make sense. But I think it's too late. They've had too much time to fuck it all up. A lawyer and a pdoc are working to help me get my citizenship back, but I feel like it's a crapshoot. Beaurocracy was never very understanding of mental health. If this doesn't work, I want to die. 

​

If I have to leave the country, I don't want to live anymore. I'm so done with this. I'm so done being its slave. I'm so done not knowing whether or not I can trust and believe what I'm thinking. So tired of the voices interrupting people, so tired of the zoning out. I was always high functioning, got good grades, was always the big achiever on the outside. And I'm a fucking wreck on the inside. I can't fake this anymore. I can't hide it anymore. But I also feel like I can't live with it anymore. 

​

I fucking hate myself that I didn't get help sooner. I fucking hate myself that I didn't scream at someone to please fucking help me. My euphoric mania (my schizoaffective disorder is bioplar subtype) made me seem like a cool, optimistic, out-going kind of guy. I'm just so fucking done at this point. If I have to leave the country, if I can't get my birth-right citizenship back, it's not only going to kill me, but it's going to kill my mom. It's going to destroy our souls. And I have nothing and no one over in the other country. Only the delusions and crazy mind-games that got me over there in the first place. I'll want to die. I already do want to die. Society isn't cut out to be able to deal with people like me. All I can do is keep running around hurting myself and others. 

​

I'm a shadow of my former self. I'm an antipsychotic-swallowing, drugged up, chubby mess. Every drop of male pride I could have is gone. All I can do is sit here and resent my mother, because she is the only thing keeping me from getting out of here. If I knew I couldn't hurt her by doing it, I'd do it in  a heartbeat. ",2.6008753210827926,4.457319053941909,4.015174866627152,86.71612724757955,76.30290456431536,6.4991898834222495,25.58407429361786,7.35660576581511,1.2257277613119937,1872,68,379,23,42,618,215,482,0.2,0.688,0.112,-0.9932,0,0,1,1,0,6,76.0,1,0,0,7,20,29,13,1,21,1,44,11,0,3,5,61,91,35,5,11,16,3,2,4,0,0,5,2,1,3,24,21,0,2,8,1,0,5,16,20,0,3,19,5,51,9,49,67,5,43,1,3,0,6,13,21,6,7,19,247,75,6,0.06046735698575146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360066357631872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672723204985981,0.04835572353525108,0.10062736990223764,0.1965490680932004,0.22042337165917528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398694802654072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053828767541457184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299133018968994,0.0,0.07372067916159528,0.0,0.0,0.06812600481923205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827826427950374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062339189939574415,0.0,0.061373094512672526,0.18826670996016076,0.0,0.2772033190072138,0.0,0.0,0.30939550007179645,0.0,0.0,0.0701229369881703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094635619621776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114822506557439,0.08639578382514011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286700592463313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354065830519063,0.12636679330772624,0.0,0.1374599697831645,0.05071715018532755,0.09672253835937973,0.0,0.0,0.05987219008021676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939799285569293,0.0,0.06427397289476583,0.0,0.0,0.12158998437110267,0.0638870825437153,0.060653689263642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946311253774104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749233039233186,0.13379634304092025,0.0629674473330705,0.033231278041369064,0.0,0.06820981245261168,0.1280524005016082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181651851962418,0.0,0.10678756806350652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600726306804405,0.0,0.0,0.11443135043889024,0.04036243032471113,0.06130440925659124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187374753498598,0.0,0.06105479324976466,0.14163727538163842,0.0,0.0,0.044450464847793504,0.0,0.04663615340172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802005984146474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097424600104398,0.18395259900450048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057722934266958,0.08384090356728494,0.0,0.06317551822921888,0.06637499996384462,0.057161197128551125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163879247780629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504721080472371,0.06308064077668381,0.0,0.0,0.05001922255103943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123379535003711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034365028628894,0.07749008158321215,0.0,0.0,0.035259002123995555,0.13899666349514114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294865111804596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989190216716019,0.1426608552215778,0.0,0.04850326643922224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088041912096746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042337165917528,0.038938995398651165
suicidewatch,billbo6000,2019/01/31,"honest opinion/estimation whether u know nothing or are a drug expert Honestly. PLEASE NO BS. idontgiveafuck about ur kind words so shut the fuck up

If  X hasn't used benzos for very long, only a couple of weeks, with  breaks. And 2mg alprazolam will make X high and completely anxiety free.  X is young male, healthy, about 190cm, 70kg.

Would 18x2mg clonazepam + 50x1mg alprazolam mixed with about 0.3 liters of 37,5% vodka kill X?(x can obv aquire more vodka)

X doesnt wanna wake up half dead u know.",2.2561012183692597,4.908894628865982,3.0552764761012163,88.86392689784442,82.09278350515464,6.413870665417058,21.189315838800376,7.686295010490155,0.9371319587628864,397,12,79,7,11,125,81,97,0.16699999999999998,0.653,0.18,0.0828,0,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,0,7,3,1,2,0,14,12,6,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,5,11,10,1,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,3,30,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977939463942506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601056163604387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27449417232723783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876923323661777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934460133791285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621085849295309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744621349644922,0.25833561120595305,0.27267494197635345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195416904034637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559434357466254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380380380050555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886748991323368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723157267874396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142601965864868,0.0,0.2046907662050279,0.0,0.0,0.1989936310230707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622786832927734,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilymcguire,2019/01/31,"need urgent advice I have no control of my thoughts, my brain feel's so empty like there is no information, no importance, just empty.
I have never really had a dream or ambition to be anything.
I have no clue who I am or what I am doing.
I didn't do at all well in school because I saw life as a joke/always did what everybody else was doing, have never really thought for myself. since I left school after my gcse's I have literally done nothing but sit around wasting away. I have no experience or qualiforcations. no hobbies or interests and feel like I just may aswell be dead. I need to change but I don't know how. feel like I may never be happy. I shouldn't feel this way at 18.
",1.3365238095238112,3.624557700000004,3.5585714285714296,86.17309523809527,82.71428571428572,6.590476190476192,20.761904761904766,7.793537801064563,0.9573190476190478,538,16,111,10,15,184,84,140,0.21,0.677,0.113,-0.9171,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,24,2,1,2,4,29,34,10,1,3,8,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,8,1,0,0,12,0,1,0,8,5,19,6,11,20,1,12,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,6,7,83,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270970958209001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003296831466746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860066275447896,0.1391175071143394,0.0,0.0,0.14682511086634195,0.0,0.0,0.09526353264393846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445411285595105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531778291965138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752752282293731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599231513121043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305473577284442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286652463958944,0.0,0.0,0.3160684899217734,0.2232851803951499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635719486437364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588442148110162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979278693347202,0.0,0.1103813564738952,0.2290435961525321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175123981056656,0.3615857671822056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499496729430574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022699341782887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163164333478933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292719463387064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481291187829356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404348653267805,0.0,0.0,0.14050961400972625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onlythomas,2019/01/31,"An interesting title, who knew Tonight/tommorow morning I plan to hang myself in the woods not far from my families home. It’s cold outside so i need to drive, I don’t want them to find me or my car. I should hope to vanish. I’ve lost everything I hold dear, a son my partner my everything. 
I’ve got everything I need, I’ve tied the knot that should end my life over 50 times. And I think I should be able to find peace at last. ",1.4929945054945082,3.1144942747252737,2.980315934065935,93.95530906593409,78.78021978021978,6.747802197802199,22.36401098901099,7.6454224807358475,0.67657032967033,333,10,79,5,8,109,64,91,0.027000000000000003,0.821,0.152,0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,15,13,3,0,7,2,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,1,16,3,9,6,0,10,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,41,19,0,0.21531950088719934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070916757225545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5805458505475481,0.0,0.20298406249161194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39359624593848297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722106746702369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598301546886067,0.2138608482960823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551413153402548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208653123078186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23504667058774184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31931336320873843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379680419481315,0.0,0.0,0.12555453252088386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270010203591727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,10538Throwaway,2019/01/31,"The saying 'mum would be sad' is genuinely the only reason i'm still going I am 21 years old, male, and live in Scotland.


I have dealt with self-harm and suicidal thoughts for approximately 5 years now. Everyday I think about my life ending in some capacity.


It's tough, each day I walk home from University I cross a bridge. Each day I feel I get closer to jumping. But I wouldn't, because it would make my mum sad. 


Everyone says you can get help & everyone's life is worth saving, but I don't think people who say that always understand that for some people, their life just doesn't seem worth saving. 


For starters the idea of going to a doctor/therapist makes me feel ill with worry and anxiety, and I'm not sure why.


I've written a suicide note. I don't plan on killing myself - I just wanted to put how I feel into words. I feel broken.


I have always tried to make everyone else smile as much as possible - perhaps this is due to knowing how it feels to be broken inside and not wanting anyone else to feel like that. Or perhaps it's my acknowledging that for others life can be fun. Just not for me.


I would want to leave by taking one final bow and walking off-stage. This would be my ending. It wouldn't be sad, it wouldn't be my life ending early, it would just be the end of my story.


I wouldn't want people to cry. I wouldn't want people to be sad. I would want to just disappear without any sadness of grief. 


It is this struggle that I find the hardest. I'm really struggling to continue and go on. But I would never want to make my friends sad. I've dealt with depression for a while now so they know about it - but they do not know how extreme it has gotten in the past few weeks.


Every day when I'm driving or walking, I think about if I was to just crash. If it would or wouldn't be my fault, that doesn't matter. Would that be easier to accept than knowing I chose to end my life? Or would people think I was looking forward to my whole life ahead of me.


There was a Reddit post that really resonated with me. The user was depressed, and then found out they had terminal cancer. The top comment was saying that they hope the rest of their days are peaceful and short. That is the kind of closure I would look for.


I'm going out tonight to a club with a few friends. My nights out usually end up with me walking back to my flat (40 mins away) alone. It gives me time to think about everything. When I'm back at my flat I scare myself with my thoughts and actions. I've hurt myself many times before and often think that one day I will take it too far.


I just don't want to be sad, and I don't want anyone else to be sad. I feel like my time here is finished. If I could disappear and not have it affect anyone else then I would take that, 100%.



I just want to stop suffering.",2.328090607970936,4.0288968883071545,3.530123588702498,90.58142109199702,76.6265270506108,6.4925597464116525,21.816041599886027,7.290443533043144,0.5888725219930908,2179,58,470,26,49,707,239,573,0.184,0.708,0.108,-0.9954,0,1,0,0,0,5,66.0,0,1,6,3,27,30,1,3,17,0,59,9,0,9,2,126,116,35,4,33,25,2,7,2,2,19,9,4,1,1,31,26,0,1,27,1,2,16,19,19,0,2,11,13,64,11,66,73,9,76,0,13,2,0,20,17,0,12,46,304,95,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054629884894276205,0.0,0.0,0.087779299163378,0.057151248430050774,0.0,0.035869703478037925,0.0,0.04035123717370717,0.0,0.0,0.11064558507822148,0.16213630941930646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495574526155726,0.08111822658439316,0.0,0.03215402309003994,0.0,0.04488373029797103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421141107771808,0.0,0.05793999722344696,0.17008694713835035,0.0,0.09086166222253587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053988691306085926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625307977747728,0.0,0.2803086049195742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444154156246482,0.15120578152901315,0.047405516161488664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669293665275885,0.07536479749206751,0.0,0.05778165506699351,0.04820971465132321,0.0,0.0,0.0578342576723594,0.0815042543485274,0.0,0.05511616056770751,0.050599636652139714,0.11990912434964658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03535513788395968,0.0,0.052909445416374816,0.05238957727790663,0.0,0.0,0.05646665165308936,0.059544834223561084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058356634155126236,0.05492778358784209,0.11595327591722596,0.0,0.0,0.05585135526815261,0.0,0.0,0.2607968873699093,0.051538945875828884,0.0,0.0465764825866113,0.0,0.08858822939991333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083587198496514,0.05347708168658813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877504356534831,0.0,0.04068166409652255,0.0,0.0,0.04949939621641684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553490027476956,0.0,0.07148533448133987,0.040116397346925715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050352888290034085,0.1828403088421816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946420887484623,0.05051695342641655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302520729730969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758203470859629,0.054232602280774166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778582061750608,0.05280885266053145,0.0,0.0,0.04801880035254631,0.05502652452840249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042123745658173326,0.04409877358126323,0.0,0.1102850332510994,0.0,0.11539310358074027,0.0,0.04971333277165741,0.0,0.11897732209000456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124322099356193,0.0,0.20278851748075225,0.0,0.08375029975508083,0.0922714316786162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03581168540793198,0.0,0.0,0.05491138726760257,0.0,0.0,0.058093262712735565,0.0,0.3111149059536279,0.0,0.04231038473236341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475958765901474,0.05889003459843381,0.0,0.05084613316363894,0.0,0.0,0.053567041392161084,0.0,0.44963864649788016,0.0,0.0,0.06793455358199903
suicidewatch,missamandajones,2019/01/31,"I’ve been lost for the past five years. Is there any way out? I’m 27 and the last five years since college have been a nightmare. I’ve made no friends in that time and don’t have any career or purpose. 
What always gets in my way is a lack of commitment to anything. Halfway through college I was like “yeah this is stupid but I guess I’ll just stick around because I don’t have anything better to do.” I left with a degree without any utility and with which I had no real ambition to do anything with. I do love Art History but I also didn’t feel attached enough to really go all the way in and go to grad school. I just don’t know how to try, so I never have. 
I tried other things but always bail out halfway. Like I was transitioning but bailed out, so now I’m a sterile man with boobs and a legally changed female name, which may preclude me from finding any job at all. I’ve become this gross slob who is always negative and impossible to be around; it’s hard to have any respect for yourself when it seems like nobody else cares.

I am in a mental health residential program and I have no idea how this is supposed to work. I’ve lost all hope for myself and I honestly don’t think there is any clear answer for me. Just learn to accept living lonely life with no career success and just working whatever job I would be lucky enough to get. I feel today like yeah, maybe I should transition because I know I was more attractive as a trans female than I am now as a man, and I’d at least be able to find someone to be with, maybe. I seem to always have pipe dreams but no real way of actualizing them, and my reality day to day is such shit that I feel like I should probably commit suicide. 

I try to talk to my uncle on the phone, who is the trustee of my million dollar inheritance, but he has no sympathy or understanding for my situation, and I always feel forces me into mental health programs when I’m down on my luck because he knows I have nowhere else to turn. I have no real independence and I don’t have the skills or confidence to do anything. 

",4.836494505494507,5.075027052380952,5.712857142857146,82.87598901098903,68.95238095238095,8.556776556776558,29.249084249084248,8.384062270229773,1.9063754578754577,1622,55,338,22,26,534,198,420,0.111,0.695,0.194,0.9912,2,2,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,1,7,18,23,2,0,14,2,45,6,2,4,7,80,71,31,1,5,14,0,5,5,1,4,3,0,0,2,14,25,0,0,17,2,2,2,16,6,0,3,10,5,39,17,54,53,8,35,0,3,0,2,12,16,2,10,18,224,53,15,0.07778701830704378,0.0,0.07590890895538413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220625043646725,0.3236251530978731,0.0,0.0,0.31738703927584044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560483527327844,0.1384938761976847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225473310091907,0.08590965030448314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879629639758764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930904939703963,0.0,0.08228835117830394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033238329715588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996214476671306,0.0,0.0,0.16074956738373106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732581477771218,0.05557106142113325,0.0,0.0,0.1421918510039637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060098057384980176,0.0,0.08128101304929525,0.0,0.08841631021286664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569117045119637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968188947561611,0.0,0.0,0.16536792595084684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726006076097236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781207540024226,0.0,0.0,0.15438322587182654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824913286583164,0.06340680201527338,0.0,0.0,0.08451582299234688,0.0,0.05494327146569621,0.19001403985379284,0.0,0.06868736228935933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982743869164627,0.0,0.07020582103006819,0.07360395753354321,0.0,0.0,0.15629503035061448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678203750307626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999414393595943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742565107586593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386756219382233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26561596973694823,0.049832355777932776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872461537743597,0.0,0.14162875998128188,0.0,0.0,0.07984725646269089,0.06434622537245413,0.0874358677254237,0.0,0.0,0.06590868818314273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508637268395043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252225879531761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051678238534114865,0.049842780429017366,0.0,0.0,0.04535823592146795,0.0,0.0737329979577612,0.0,0.0,0.1584368380694944,0.08460993881345537,0.0,0.0809790293641739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469748577778411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498390981176868,0.0,0.11325975153288916,0.0,0.0,0.05525766598673805,0.0,0.0,0.10018457888432307
suicidewatch,djolesaric24,2019/01/31,"Please help I just can't stop thinking of suicide and I oveethink a lot. I think about things that will never happen or never happened and I analyse too much. My parents and sister are great and without them I would end my torture from inside. I used to escape from reality by watching porn and masturbating but nofap helped me. I always wanted to be software engineer but I failed my exam and now I attend mechanical engeneering and I am not interested in it at all. 
Though I am good looking and have a lot of peoe around me I never managed to be with girlfriend. I don't like to use words 'get a girlfriend' (annoying). I even think that my friends aren't real or they don't want to have me around them. I tried once to get a girlfriend, she was my friend but it appears that she used me to get my friend (I matched him with her because he is a good guy and I don't want to see her with some jerks). I understand that I still love her even when I'm not in the same school with her. I went to see basketball match today and I saw her with my friend. I was jelaous and happy at the same time.
I just really can't stop with all of this. My psychologysf wanted to give me some pills and intense therapies but I didn't want to watch my parents suffer. Thank you if you red this.
I know there are lots of people who would like to have same 'problems"" like me. We are together in finding light if there is. And yeah, next week are exams at university and every time I enter there I think of leaving.... Good luck ",2.38401960784314,4.24327367647059,3.71496732026144,88.61401960784315,76.94117647058823,6.494117647058824,23.751633986928105,7.3871296695380915,0.9289202614379088,1179,38,248,15,27,386,153,306,0.08900000000000001,0.722,0.189,0.9881,2,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,2,3,1,15,22,3,0,7,1,25,3,0,3,5,73,54,24,1,10,13,3,0,3,7,3,1,0,0,1,10,23,0,2,7,0,0,4,13,6,0,0,5,8,56,16,36,44,11,26,0,2,7,2,31,8,0,11,17,184,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051319511732534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227623332304218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898482123984514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570183637089482,0.0,0.0,0.1278199190308973,0.0,0.0815256111916252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843812149942418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299030317890388,0.0,0.15166143608573202,0.0928223045175362,0.0,0.2434764903007865,0.0,0.10667973067109966,0.0,0.0958089499251215,0.17113148561201702,0.10300425701945168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971418737591311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317750778028316,0.0,0.0,0.10245629908487364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181812494487656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812551645633248,0.0,0.0,0.24678912027008296,0.0873308967621629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113072621938074,0.0,0.2238849562700082,0.0,0.1029067941324035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304768047590536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488405788954892,0.0,0.0,0.06708213713906841,0.0,0.0,0.10621490610742176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258754465049343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013560077658173,0.06198779893186005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792765268314907,0.1542125374413325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727373960771047,0.16179364363229276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584121259042804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890848513659513,0.1106550372848266,0.0,0.06428394181645294,0.2480030657356129,0.09506753571328293,0.0,0.11284464337722162,0.0,0.09171844639287392,0.0,0.0,0.06569460549833221,0.0,0.0,0.10073197848186974,0.0,0.25071221847670144,0.0,0.0,0.28536175801917635,0.0,0.07761611892356295,0.0,0.0,0.08969874144781956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932744890739232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747297454264135,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItDoesntNeedACharger,2019/01/31,"What works? I read the hangman's knot isn't a good method but the simple knot works. I'm worried it wont work. It seems too simple to stay in place. For my weight, I'm supposed to be suspended 8 feet. I've also heard some controversy about where the knot should go. I've heard on the back is most effective but also that it can result in a more painful death, more of a strangulation. Any advice?",1.0465311653116558,3.323927609756101,2.4974796747967503,93.384783197832,83.87804878048779,5.595663956639567,18.86720867208672,6.937597516519254,0.10606070460704632,312,8,69,4,9,101,58,82,0.218,0.73,0.052000000000000005,-0.938,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,7,0,6,3,1,2,0,8,12,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,2,1,8,7,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,1,39,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990057651047136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762865031985235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599898969579346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090610535146465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370788289874025,0.1973311295975024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250341096952487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580435473059994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23533106272091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417860131325936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507637408366625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28649230694964856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138323989761855,0.23892546081181204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,starfishwishez,2019/01/31,"A friend from high school killed himself earlier this week His funeral service was yesterday. Fitting bc the weather was beautiful to look at but horrible to feel. It felt like I was in a video game driving down the road and see walls of white wind and tiny snow vortexes spring up out of the ground. I’d never seen anything like it.

I didn’t go. I went to an interview instead at a small coffee shop inside a hospital. The interviewer gave me the creeps. He said I didn’t get the job bc I didn’t have the “it” factor- meaning I wasn’t charismatic. I didn’t realize I was applying for a pageant...

My friend’s name was Brennan. He was 23, about to turn 24. He shot himself with a 9mm in front of his best friend, David. We all grew up in a small town. I knew him since we were Freshmen. We lost contact after I went sober. We came to really dislike each other bc I called him out on his bullshit a lot. For instance, when he bragged about cheating on his girlfriend I told her what he was saying. Things like that. 

My roommate is furious with me. Every time we talk, it ends in a fight. I’ve been jobless for a month and a half and my savings are getting thin. I’ve been sending at least 3-5 applications out everyday but I either hear nothing or get turned down. Or I go to the interview and they don’t like me. My roommate says I’ve given up. And it makes him angry. Honestly... I’m doing the best I possibly can. I stay in bed and take Benadryl to try to make the days go by faster. I wake up, fill out applications, eat, and crawl back into bed. It’s getting harder. 

I’m seeing a counselor tomorrow morning. I’m not looking forward to it. I usually give up bc the counselor looks at me like I’m wasting their time. 

I don’t think I’ll commit suicide bc I get into the motions and then stop. Like the filthy frank sketches where he holds a shot gun in his mouth and he’s screaming and crying saying, “I’m not a pussy!” Over and over. It makes me laugh bc it’s true. That’s how I feel. Even when I cut I don’t even cut that deep. And it’d make me feel sick how I’d have to saw away to even break the skin. 

I’m sorry, I know this is just rambling nonsense. I just wanted to get it out into the world. Thank you.",0.432971085518254,2.6571577467532457,2.3425230744098684,93.79375765743694,86.25108225108221,5.391554357592094,22.136894551988892,6.8096976237459765,0.5548601976639715,1717,62,380,22,53,569,234,462,0.158,0.731,0.111,-0.9742,2,0,0,1,1,2,58.0,5,1,2,3,14,24,6,0,30,0,26,5,3,6,4,64,75,22,3,1,9,0,6,6,4,0,1,6,2,0,19,30,1,2,9,3,1,13,11,8,0,1,27,20,54,16,55,47,7,76,0,1,8,0,48,43,0,3,26,224,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805790149910752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199814803561883,0.07529368665887434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551995290499966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998627334444032,0.11199327958822644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075594519172488,0.06314967100162612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019560890422363,0.0,0.0,0.08672719295148412,0.0,0.0,0.1940237791322364,0.0,0.0825010024488222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485324047448934,0.0,0.0940176205210793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269559893015674,0.0,0.3069518971281554,0.09393285202495044,0.16694891671964854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103618586137834,0.0,0.0,0.10345682688448013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971695239522128,0.0,0.1083328941362238,0.0,0.05381373577551395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870297395468417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466819604036387,0.0,0.1068901836873868,0.08324725411702412,0.0,0.0,0.26144684029878645,0.0,0.0,0.10666252504144454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781580321909641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552118921284383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939559461451113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103889889846763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272943528695471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314341676637122,0.23360741849243996,0.0,0.09909928175613393,0.15605757188599167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809996300084332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096123326335436,0.0,0.10436865296105373,0.0,0.0818646900919085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710752132338774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073622921227918,0.07870360383066377,0.0,0.09015068311993596,0.0,0.0,0.0650530497557795,0.0627425579351898,0.0,0.0,0.11419474277497947,0.0,0.0,0.09356582537884794,0.0,0.0664805909440281,0.2130155638269936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078439730221107,0.0,0.0577551784108764,0.0,0.07854473611157345,0.0,0.0,0.18154383584929265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AsakalaSoul,2019/01/31,"Shinju I like the idea of dying together with a close friend. None of us want to live without the other and if there really is no other way we'd rather die together. We would take away each other's fear, be there to talk about all kind of things in our last moments of life and feel safe and calm. Our families don't know each other, I'm scared that my family would blame him for ""dragging me down"" and ""convincing me to die"" which isn't true. He actually saved me from attempting a few months ago.",6.950396039603961,5.555287009900991,7.12562376237624,79.95378217821784,65.03960396039605,11.248316831683171,29.11089108910891,10.355215969177356,2.471251881188118,392,9,84,8,5,127,76,101,0.19,0.6709999999999999,0.139,-0.7125,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,5,0,0,1,4,10,0,2,4,0,7,1,0,0,2,22,12,5,3,5,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,11,8,15,8,5,9,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.17276198268828905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156932081471845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633151979768565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5512074794342183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333788312760849,0.1992151622409625,0.0895149201295438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367778788079567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985253982554252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843561612045661,0.09729457221320156,0.1443082898019371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504604063501445,0.08649103963026843,0.0,0.1563263793148861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413087606251187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341404724027784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772443145925159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310933579927822,0.1422951474375427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761511361254745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129529840055168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442065200647532,0.14052324915161246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065676620928658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515231496794945,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,expressivemind,2019/01/31,Feeling overly suicidal. Feeling like doing something. Idk what to say. I feel really compelled to die. Nobody really helps me or cares from the way I see it. I feel so disgusting and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared of everything. I’m thinking of hanging myself. Nobody understands how I feel... idek why I’m typing this but I like Reddit. I think reddit is a cool place. I kinda trust it. But yeah. Idk I just put a belt around my neck and was visualizing it and I’m scared. I need some help.,-0.818144867118292,1.0465654554455457,1.9049400729546664,90.87313705054716,107.31683168316832,4.898593017196458,16.206878582595106,6.5966054737557815,0.2097405940594057,385,11,79,7,19,132,65,101,0.153,0.608,0.239,0.812,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,2,3,2,5,1,1,2,0,22,21,8,2,1,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,8,13,5,8,20,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,3,2,45,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473424349446675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867139274862807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920532796680592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631152341229474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678356507720861,0.1322001667471269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480709975566027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169895575415257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081272598053152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721265554924303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933384633940578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860269377687412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709627186424614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471596435044658,0.3705358129931435,0.0,0.14746134857223053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142460972302173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241529258335772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371458710828473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264417326556726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688453192007034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669793598889572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Something_Non_Human,2019/01/31,"My mom is pounding on the door I was cutting myself and forgot to look the door, I don’t want to go to the hospital, being drugged down and told that my life is worth living, F U C K",15.152926829268287,3.555095024390248,14.502439024390245,64.11268292682931,62.17073170731707,17.37560975609756,50.75609756097561,8.841846274778883,5.005809756097562,140,4,34,1,1,49,32,41,0.042,0.868,0.09,0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626056403727186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670812175865834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817599116560153,0.0,0.0,0.3522423149232722,0.0,0.3349815321579188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671952237940597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811728692086936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352857678259795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway9000322323,2019/01/31,"The BlackPill has made me hate myself (I got directed here from IncelTears) Im a 17 year old male btw 

I used to feel confident about my looks, but then I found out about incel communities.

Since then, I enjoyed through them for the lols and to chuckle at some retarded misogyny to pass time, but from time to time, I find a post that scares me.

Nowadays, I have trouble finding myself attractive, even when people tell me I am or when girls approach me, I just get an unnerving feeling that they just do so to be nice.

​

I came here because, while I think that incels are horrible people, I'm afraid that some of what they say is true. 

I really need help, what should I do?",3.0579072681704282,5.181699195488727,3.726484962406016,88.08616854636593,75.84210526315789,7.140100250626568,26.12092731829573,8.07648339933343,1.6071558897243112,535,20,107,9,12,169,93,133,0.124,0.6940000000000001,0.182,0.8254,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,10,9,1,2,5,1,9,0,0,2,1,21,22,10,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,4,4,22,5,14,16,2,16,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,3,10,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993919922776337,0.2236116184424521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218048423755847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047661141576254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215473753305658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609805487784675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363926883672109,0.0,0.0,0.20177490738988424,0.0,0.0,0.09614594050154322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718232812338958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816874831847973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334868569951378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987795574958268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545354129404192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412976182780288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645287752331808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310423186906825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551607844110085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624594849958347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789170764323785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634478671891574,0.18424203549581195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222813112348396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084675312369773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791636993139905,0.0,0.0,0.32192095707632645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893929704743567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236116184424521,0.11850664994471065
suicidewatch,omgitsmint,2019/01/31,"Am I bipolar? Every day I'm visited by unhealthy thoughts of suicide. Like, I could be chilling and then I'm suddenly hit with the urge of wanting to kill myself and feeling incredibly worthless and very sorry for myself. Loneliness isn't helping either. I am diagnosed as depressed. But I'm starting to think that there's more that's gone unseen. I easily get very angry at people, even close family members and friends and I fall into episodes of not caring about anything or anyone. I randomly snap in and out of these episodes.

What's wrong with me?",3.968653846153845,6.569780096153848,4.804461538461538,79.14053846153845,74.96153846153845,7.236923076923077,31.55384615384615,8.238735603445708,2.800706923076924,446,22,73,8,10,144,77,104,0.3,0.622,0.079,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,21,17,10,2,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,1,9,3,16,12,2,12,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,2,5,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108454494803168,0.0,0.18958015909787504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348841075073532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839368204064508,0.0,0.0,0.148573728244168,0.0,0.1984228675096932,0.23382721047736926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216144848934668,0.0,0.19410206456003729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717837982091906,0.0,0.1164852367821642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798824571869945,0.0,0.12036216770043565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441645394851494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548773686071155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255027895111984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971399813473958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25788753389524544,0.16306161132796332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519944049367679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761590368011282,0.0,0.182893139149262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801693364752212,0.13588197762249668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518804432396332,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dan54352,2019/01/31,"Having such a terrible day I am having such a terrible day today, I dunno what I’m doing or where I’m going, I just dunno what to do!",9.741,3.4004417666666704,12.236666666666668,60.76500000000003,64.66666666666666,14.666666666666664,36.66666666666666,11.20814326018867,4.006666666666666,103,2,21,2,1,41,18,30,0.236,0.764,0.0,-0.7574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7593641056537535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345887445489473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5580470652783996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skottis23,2019/01/31,"I don't know what to do. I fucked up bad at school some days ago. I won't go into detail about what I did but know that I regret it a lot. I have been having constant anxiety since then and it won't go away. I have been thinking of switching schools to one in another city to get away from it all but I don't know if I can. My friends told me they won't be interacting with me for a couple of days and now I feel more alone then ever, I never really felt part of that group and felt like they just hated me and now I am sure of it. I know that my problems might seem inconsequential to yours but I am just so alone, scared and tired of it all and I just want it all to end so I am thinking about suicide. 

Please help me, a 17 year old boy.",0.4067886178861784,1.9291098414634185,2.416682926829271,97.20961788617888,81.6829268292683,5.5928455284552845,18.25040650406504,6.42735559955562,-0.3991417886178863,570,12,145,5,15,191,90,164,0.215,0.684,0.102,-0.9694,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,2,0,10,9,2,1,3,0,18,2,0,0,6,37,35,14,1,4,7,0,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,10,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,6,3,25,3,21,24,7,21,0,1,0,1,9,6,1,5,14,107,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239494445089776,0.0,0.0,0.28964011563897624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662227478922704,0.10696834730465296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627467792422795,0.0,0.11675087776436405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511048311462271,0.0,0.0,0.15471747085288412,0.0,0.18035550736807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384646380003025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648279789432382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070144307818314,0.0,0.2685143941633724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803107905252696,0.12926910750754708,0.0730545705491674,0.0,0.15893541012402385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805160144032702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372403259644196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30738413883151194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831309580953397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887710984977197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483358410922006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784428629225737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672638966171636,0.0,0.09475134619877043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142053672918346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348959930482614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379689960511984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957765692714298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999262693815928,0.2830276224317719,0.0,0.1272945285705118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566750178651553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294958029724762,0.0,0.13178661716611448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919279214740946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071218226891293,0.0,0.13361203345049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247441625751926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004490853976711
suicidewatch,GreatIceCream,2019/01/31,"Today should have been a good day but it wasnt... What a shocker So today was my last day where i worked at a shitty job. Today was pay day also. So last month, when it was christmas and new years eve we had some free days but they called us on work on sunday for those days (it was 4 days, 2 were on saturday and 2 on sunday and i only went to the saturday ones). Today when i got my salary i got significantly lower, and after doing some math i fivured out they paid me 4 days less even tho i worked 2/4, went and asked why that happened and i got ""haha well thats how it goes here, next time work everytime you're told to"". Yeah, my balls. And ofc my mom yelled at me because i didnt go to work on sundays. Fucking great, woah. Everyone mad at me for not working 7 days a week at the shitty job when everyone has normal 5 days a week jobs and dont work shitty jobs but hey, that's none of my business. My mom also told me ""you'll just fail in life, you're not capable of doing anything (i wonder why, maybe because no one taught me to) and you'll just end up homeless"" (i'm 18 btw) so yea. Fuck me sideways i guess.. Allready had too much stuff going on in my life with trauma and abuse and depression and anxiety and selfharm and all the other bullshit that kept me back in school but now i fail at life too, what a shocker, wow.... But thats probably true haha i'm gonna fail my life and end up killing myself, i knew i should have done it the last time. ",-0.036003236245953474,2.102272834951457,1.9251375404530755,96.54815938511328,87.64077669902912,4.727831715210357,17.6448220064725,6.139981653823899,-0.3792517799352746,1122,28,259,10,36,371,161,309,0.226,0.69,0.084,-0.995,6,0,0,0,1,1,43.0,2,2,2,10,20,17,4,0,10,4,21,6,0,1,2,39,43,30,1,3,9,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,15,18,0,1,2,1,3,4,7,9,1,2,22,1,35,9,27,16,6,60,0,4,0,2,13,18,2,4,38,157,50,18,0.0,0.08989885693057144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135359552947028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804377289103551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243823573898018,0.0,0.07093240061470675,0.0,0.0,0.05834279505382886,0.0,0.09250476290166866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747633185183185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403948895066239,0.0,0.06535058223671214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764594060303934,0.08892433063715874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344045448826733,0.0,0.0,0.050114381359167286,0.0,0.0,0.14500264275416674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028947641165504,0.0,0.0,0.08624243602930888,0.06363991767707587,0.1820512693304729,0.08365188691525356,0.08358429873539845,0.0,0.06709555597862958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301174872581638,0.0,0.08394387525229377,0.0,0.0,0.18554349486401076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436956883693628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622611780710914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772655822251776,0.06056228956602067,0.0,0.05577647626659652,0.0,0.0,0.07328004984068126,0.08069337494031716,0.0,0.07434088503696745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028290285577233,0.05770596442402885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818055271705089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678902896167736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685813183058975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884860440441732,0.0,0.2876805577754594,0.14500264275416674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912676625584794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172386942018573,0.0,0.06822027363795094,0.1406728143918405,0.1369298413060012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228264174672023,0.38666269814516735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886068031312811
suicidewatch,notzacsthrowaway,2019/01/31,"i dont think im gonna live another month I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 9. I've had an active want for suicide since I was 12. Now I'm going to finally act on it. I cut myself frequently to get though these thoughts, but today I cut over 20 times and it didn't make me feel any different. My girlfriend keeps telling me that she and my family care about and love me, and I'm sure they do. But all I see or hear when someone tells me anything is words. They have no meaning. They're just words. They don't affect me at all. She tells me she doesn't want me to die. It changes nothing. All I think about is suicide, and as soon as I find a good method, I'm using it.",0.949152276295134,2.462104721088437,2.6268027210884357,96.3699372056515,80.0204081632653,6.155729984301415,22.192046049188903,7.010146845296331,0.3697958137100996,522,16,128,6,13,172,90,147,0.153,0.711,0.136,-0.5789,1,0,1,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,3,0,7,6,2,0,2,0,12,1,0,3,4,28,33,12,4,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,7,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,3,24,4,11,25,3,13,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,1,8,72,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470768495712548,0.1460356729648694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460650746673405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199401112940815,0.0,0.14732811881955152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453921780796325,0.14550644654165856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163222212199366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129040363189753,0.0,0.07041858294963856,0.0,0.0,0.15256236471920376,0.12728932844025245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276229610162245,0.0,0.07914977314591047,0.11681221633055808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696626689547036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043440155675294,0.0,0.0,0.1237886721334104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297706452813735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569569561711133,0.0,0.0929631283597088,0.0,0.0,0.15170475183814244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116317444276376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336323463946091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097934914923713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040948570523914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800215832307265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570129931590178,0.0,0.1312593693781048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651816920210961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847588321296196,0.1368310698174688,0.22112803383293786,0.08120886462779428,0.0,0.13201071267675252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028368679552953,0.0,0.0,0.1642889103700706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,picky_princess,2019/01/31,"""People who commit suicide were the most selfish people in the world."" My mom said that to me last night... am I really selfish? I might, because I know lots of people at my school like me and they'd miss me if I left. I can't do this anymore... but I feel obligated to stay so others are happy not me. ",-0.8095238095238102,1.345233444444446,1.9368253968253981,93.64428571428572,95.50793650793648,4.06984126984127,16.523809523809526,5.82211442006289,-0.4503142857142861,229,6,50,2,9,79,49,63,0.129,0.736,0.135,0.3297,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,11,4,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,13,2,5,7,2,7,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,4,3,37,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228779708811925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278110031621713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843096070925385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493363690073693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287236769281588,0.19092425458035128,0.0,0.0,0.254485638641291,0.0,0.0,0.11443027487854655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991293206035334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484752135644241,0.0,0.2743209402676882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219803855865167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871453952534539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005023244340415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222801166189892,0.0,0.0,0.2370477303750677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965218585138255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562036211149098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PumpkinManHalloween,2019/01/31,"How do I stop being suicidal? Can anyone help me?

It's not only depression but anger issues.",0.6716666666666669,3.1140450555555566,3.7944444444444434,78.54500000000002,98.44444444444444,6.844444444444445,17.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.5393111111111106,73,2,12,2,3,26,18,18,0.397,0.447,0.156,-0.7852,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053610646514261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37614172168718135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29272065046729745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558166732483949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321412000806908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651130347698057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776949880729963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YoongzJams,2019/01/31,"Even killers had friends and have lived a nice life And I don't. I know why, it's my fault I can't deny it. But just thinking that school shooters/killers had friends, nice family fucks me up. Why killers got to live my (and others') dreams, but they took other people's lifes?
I know that it is only my fault of being without friends, I do.
I got bullied as far as I remember, 'piece of shit', 'Kill yourself', 'You're worthless', 'You are so fucking ugly', 'Universe's trash', 'Weirdo', 'Fat shit' I kept hearing things like that. I got threaten to get beat up, getting punched in the face, because 'it's fun to 'annoy' you'. Getting thrown rocks at, because you are ugly. Getting death threats. Just walking to a bus stop and hearing someone screaming at me 'Ugly bitch'.
I got beaten up at home by my mom, I went to school with bruises, trying to cover them. She called me a bitch, retard, degenerate, pig. When I came out to her as bisexual she've said so much hateful, homophobic shit. She even said 'All gays who spread propaganda need to get locked up and shot'.
My father is an asshole too. He always lied to me, cheated on my mom, is alcoholic smoker. He would have been in jail, if my mom wouldn't have want to save my reputation. He uploaded my mom's number and photos of her face on sex workers site without her permission and people kept calling her. He stalked me in real life, I saw him outside my window when I was naked (I was 10 yo). I remember once beaten me that I even thrown up. Once I hallucinated my dad, when I was going to toilet at night and I became scared of dark ever since that day. He scares me.
All friends I've had betrayed me, they lied, said shit behind my back, made me feel shitty. One of people I used yo be friends with forced me to go outside with her everyday, so she could just stalk her crush, when he bullied me. And I always went home crying, but still went everyday, because I couldn't say no. That summer I got depression.
My grandma died when I was 12, my mom miscarried. I never saw my grandpa, because he's abusive and a shitty person, we no longer see our relatives.
My aunt kept making fun of me, saying that I'm fat, don't have friends and just being blatantly rude.
My parents always forced me to lie to each of them 'say that', 'say this' 'don't say it to your mom' 'don't day it to your father' ect.
I've got low self esteem since I was about 8, social anxiety when I was 9 and depression at 10. When I was 10 I had bad insomnia, I couldn't fall asleep and stay. I've had a ton of nightmares, so I didn't wanted to ever sleep again. Sometimes I had auditory hallucinations. When I was 11 I tried to commit suicide by overdosing. When I was 12 I started to cut. When I was 13 I developed eating disorder.

All of that resulted trust issues, being scared to open up, creating a ton of fake personalities to protect myself from getting hurt, getting rules as 'Never letting people in school know more than your name', 'Never make friends at school', 'Don't be nice, nor rude. Hold your reputation on 0.' 'People will betray you, if you will become friends, so if you will it's only your fault for letting someone close' ect. It's so funny that I expect to find a friend, when I'm like this.

If you have read it all, thank you.",3.3739351851851858,4.791387930555559,4.50575802469136,85.84171111111112,73.24382716049381,7.035851851851853,26.69456790123457,7.554174236665415,1.3803687901234571,2521,89,513,30,50,826,284,648,0.272,0.614,0.114,-0.9993,1,0,2,1,0,2,98.0,2,13,4,4,31,51,18,3,9,0,50,20,10,5,11,76,100,42,4,13,13,12,1,2,9,5,7,11,3,3,25,22,4,6,8,3,0,9,18,32,0,1,38,15,100,19,68,47,10,62,0,5,3,4,75,25,8,4,29,319,125,8,0.0,0.06296049503018007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678895179423541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264659671530366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04065084695638869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040860266564571285,0.04436847145545046,0.1295710727320251,0.058687355977576475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852080600493202,0.060776347400119536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242680997704568,0.0,0.05837020435444407,0.06853994020193982,0.0,0.091536314222805,0.0,0.05514942764746677,0.0,0.06090138448452069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054374004914575086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052925376217354,0.09613372533791303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009429776715678,0.0,0.02686844860733893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048567673988917766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369492422251914,0.09825147041885114,0.19433890203806192,0.0,0.06039972754278055,0.0,0.25499852677262186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524633189503433,0.0,0.0,0.11978202055508527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660460093996432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688591912579919,0.0,0.0,0.055462842626586274,0.0,0.0,0.058789934834408385,0.0,0.08761067572311831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867553966292534,0.11259999265455048,0.05192162490762702,0.0,0.0938446302027616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050280982890976295,0.07094079238989029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37341138033629206,0.0,0.0,0.03906295003835356,0.03940156311107389,0.12295118194268367,0.0,0.0,0.04986693149865424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131816475930128,0.03600805818068832,0.08082852686629198,0.0,0.0,0.05900407365088198,0.0,0.0,0.18419790650298687,0.09279706819458752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315293220767122,0.060483305868560835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039124171302025,0.0,0.15164079513273435,0.2112895475178468,0.15960288242496914,0.21511620687448085,0.04234454620060636,0.0,0.05543509899130436,0.0,0.21818384068613755,0.0879135189320987,0.0,0.05317692818765105,0.05416806203225373,0.09004824560943038,0.0,0.05255538683627869,0.0,0.03761174072203193,0.05663862629405805,0.042436516397470515,0.04442620899327615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058124951327885414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489228394400133,0.0,0.0,0.03530289286938747,0.0340490385839375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059038886671534375,0.07215517762200177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589464771363346,0.0,0.0,0.06268498967368967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777991067626728,0.09589855630409108,0.0,0.0,0.10244733605868524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037748102835479545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phoenix-ignition,2019/01/31,"I need someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t in my life and wouldn’t be biased. I am at the absolute edge. I have a plan for the first time, and I am fairly convinced this is what I will do. However I think I need someone to talk to first.",0.13283018867924667,1.7100702075471723,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,82.77358490566037,5.749433962264153,21.92075471698113,6.742157984588678,0.31939547169811355,183,6,45,2,5,63,34,53,0.046,0.895,0.059,0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,0,6,12,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,8,1,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336729263469025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005889788219692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780427615327599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6479835713383478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40979318163896056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334367925354626,0.0,0.0,0.14864702723425105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SharpOasis,2019/01/31,"I lost all hope Honestly I have no Idea why I'm writing this post but I guess just don't end up like me. So to kind of start I grew pretty average kid lived in a upper middle class home kinda sheltered from everything and than graduated high school and join the marines. Everything went downhill from there after a couple years I was diagnosed with epilepsy. It's been one year since I was diagnosed and I hate myself everyday because of it. I can't drive, can't work, and can't even get a fucking girlfriend. I hate living I've attempted 4 times this past year because I know no one gives a shit about me and what happens to me the world will still go round and everyone will just move on with whatever they have. I'm really thinking of attempting again not going to say with how or when just in case anyone I know is somehow reading this post. I guess the shittiest part about it is that the VA disability hasn't even come in still waiting had the doctor's appointment and everything but now just waiting for a decision but I'm not sure how long I can wait for I mean I'm blessed my parents let me back in the house after I was discharged after the military didn't work out like I planned it too ( I wanted to do 20 years in case anyone was wondering). For now I am depressed, got fatter, have night terrors almost daily, and anxiety/panic attacks about once or twice a week give or take. As I stated before I don't know why I am writing this post maybe it's just a way to cry for help but knowing me I'm far from it so if anyone is reading this don't end up like me.",3.810279503105592,4.856546177018637,4.894844720496895,84.90450310559007,71.70186335403727,8.208695652173914,27.975155279503106,8.587818076936951,1.930427329192547,1247,45,257,21,23,410,174,322,0.16699999999999998,0.772,0.061,-0.9891,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,6,24,16,5,1,14,0,27,5,1,2,2,53,61,22,0,3,15,1,1,3,1,2,3,1,1,1,13,13,0,3,9,2,0,7,12,8,0,3,10,2,30,8,35,48,2,49,1,2,1,1,10,14,2,11,26,165,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265160222991388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940893657108506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526188537588596,0.0,0.07114691984421923,0.0,0.11280619903968082,0.0,0.07873296289329099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970310981318593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237845645846873,0.1016356622131572,0.0,0.0,0.07969266182531452,0.18782424671107345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947044642020665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639014615711108,0.0,0.0,0.12222533631834692,0.0,0.0,0.08841272852725299,0.249469688911876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553896092943931,0.04834110930608355,0.17751908268315272,0.10516951883580976,0.0,0.07400163724668574,0.0,0.20385603387276868,0.0,0.0818205939347022,0.0,0.0,0.18270089071607826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062018346973955016,0.0977589874571486,0.09281130099964874,0.0918993723657386,0.0,0.10676278700321146,0.0,0.10445079302204804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635177643039584,0.203399871390796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461428619422592,0.0,0.1356108511791098,0.0,0.16340462126684924,0.0818827562029058,0.0,0.0,0.10100325363792027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295498250734724,0.10078813319219043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834068462480222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682955047797421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853736020556034,0.12539626608059026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273937131290356,0.10019683453323262,0.08832670678195596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658435067584362,0.09413238713453073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510243447816235,0.0,0.05927463911355814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735805307457681,0.0,0.09364143221817324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497679243030288,0.07653861086296246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549050525950817,0.0,0.14778305108839454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720482808421262,0.0,0.06956817108758981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592870390376893,0.0,0.0,0.05395275866655353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457433725624182,0.07344297362812319,0.07421891917224674,0.0,0.0,0.08577269430238056,0.16698096885298913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034069350848357,0.13472031962767794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23833530104718614
suicidewatch,LambofgodQueen,2019/01/31,"Not sure if this the right place to post this but for a moment of hope Your neck isn't a shirt, so don't hang it
Your skin isn't paper, so don't cut it
Your heart isn't a door, so don't lock it
Your life isn't a movie, so don't end it
I'm sorry if this offends anyone or doesn't belong here but when I saw this I thought I'd post it here 
I'm in pain and don't want to live anymore but maybe I can make it one more day
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️",-2.7872938689217754,-2.370666248062013,1.4239464411557456,105.7411205073996,87.44961240310076,4.6909090909090905,14.052854122621564,3.1291,-1.7051302325581394,350,3,122,0,11,136,60,129,0.132,0.8,0.067,-0.6399,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,4,0,0,7,5,2,0,5,0,11,6,4,1,1,13,18,12,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,3,0,1,2,2,7,2,5,16,1,10,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,4,4,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337674148963337,0.16481844747643548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201763293238155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087748419625979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793251704744792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23411965650830754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649352480821944,0.0,0.0,0.20814197539137544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734258456725955,0.0,0.23680889232568114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972759109482834,0.0,0.25081896002317666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462735578505445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451502470474272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013005908471284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26386530733816593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215999817375667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871325598517102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903169046411554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kendall0216,2019/01/31,"I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself I'm in my late teens.

I've had so-called depressive thoughts. I wouldn't say they're consistent but every moment I have them, I feel like I'm living in a pit-less Hell. I find myself (most nights) crying myself to sleep. I'll give a few reasons why (if you care, and please give me advice.)

1. For as long as I've known it, my mother's side of family actively hates me. I'm not going to go to deep into it, but we had to cut off ties with her parents, siblings and cousins due to their active verbal and constant mental manipulation with me and how saying I am the 'Devil's child.' I've always felt as if my mother had hated me for it - for my existence. She treats me different to my brother, not so noticeably, but I always feel as if I'm on a lower pedestal compared to my older sibling. She speaks to me all the time like I'm far too young to understand, immature or assuming that I plainly don't care. On multiple occasions she's called me a 'c\*\*\*', 'b\*\*\*\*', etc. I would go to my room crying - I usually did nothing wrong. Then a few minutes later to an hour she would come in crying and playing the sympathy card - justifying her actions to that she's on her period, had a bad day etc. 

It just makes me feel like crap all the time when she knows she's in the wrong, and I always forgive her.

​

2. I'm lesbian. I've liked girls for as long as I've known. I've only told my two best friends around the start of 2018, and my father near the end of last year. I told him not to tell my mum because she has the biggest mouth known to man kind. (They are not homophobic, it's just hard I guess to defy 'social norms.') He ended up explaining to her that I was very, very sad when telling him, bawling my eyes out, but he accepts me and that I want her to accept me too.

​

When she ended up approaching me, she was completely understanding. But she ended up cursing me because I didn't tell her first, I told my friends. She wanted to be the first one to know. 

​

\- she also brings up on multiple occasions about myself being gay. I feel like I'm some-sort of bragging trophy that she can show around saying ""Hey! I support the LGBTQ+! Look, I even have a gay daughter!"". Every moment on TV, she asks if I think some chick looks hot. I feel so awkward and just laugh, looking away. But over all, I feel like I'm on some pedestal and I have to stay gay forever because it shows she's a supportive mother or something. I know things can change, and that worries me. I might be gay today, and tomorrow have the biggest crush on a boy at my school. (Doubtful, but still hovering the back of my mind to that my sexuality could change at any moment.)

​

3. So, we had a relative's party recently. Mid-way I had a large (what I would call) panic attack and couldn't focus. I started crying, murmuring to myself that - 'I'm such a f\*\*k up.' and I curled up onto a ball and just started begging for my life. I don't know if that is normal or what not. It happens to me occasionally. I ended up getting dropped home, and my parents left me and returned to the party.

​

\- that night, I vomited several times in the toilet. I also have a habit, when in moods like this, to bite my wrist and grind my finger nails into my skin. I am so, so scared of knives and would never do anything like that. I want to die all the time. I just don't want to kill myself.

​

Overall, I don't know what to do. Amongst the things I've written above, there is a novel series I could write about circumstances in my life that made me want to die. I cry myself to sleep most nights and listen to depressive songs, videos that glorify suicide. I feel like I'm convincing myself to commit death, but I don't want to self harm because I'm scared of pain. 

​

I want to see a therapist, anyone. But I'm terrified of telling my parents. I'm a pretty 'happy child' seen by my parents. I usually tell jokes, talk a lot (depending on the situation.) And I feel like if I tell them anything that actually happens inside me would be like a joke for attention to them as usually I don't act all mopey near them, only when I'm alone.

​

I don't want them knowing I'm depressed. I've tried online councillors before, but none ended up actually helping me. One even admitted to just wanting to hear about more drama within my life and that made me cry even more.

​

If anyone has any ideas or thoughts about this, please, please help. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I almost wish to myself each night to get hit by a bus (or anything) for it to end. 

I don't think of myself being suicidal, I just want to die and have sickening thoughts. I feel gross all the time, and as if everyone hates me. 

Even if you have ideas on music that could change my mood. I'm not into subminals, so please do not have anything with hidden messages in it.

​

\- Kendall (teen)",2.8542249485747884,4.497538611445787,4.122173572338134,87.1426079929474,75.03413654618473,7.027211284161036,25.098148692330298,7.765008861874849,1.2780068468997938,3851,129,794,54,82,1264,383,996,0.15,0.685,0.165,-0.6847,6,1,1,0,0,7,206.0,2,2,7,3,38,57,9,6,39,0,57,18,8,8,8,164,151,73,9,33,39,12,14,11,2,7,5,7,2,7,33,37,0,0,38,11,0,8,22,26,0,5,21,27,146,29,116,113,21,110,2,4,6,5,89,47,2,25,64,507,179,1,0.0,0.0,0.06124428614174724,0.0,0.0,0.030663962224611888,0.0,0.0,0.0314223213631432,0.03249999308057438,0.0,0.05018880463392522,0.07833148342565031,0.3399998338121058,0.3812987284014312,0.04267865901949317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388294985912943,0.0,0.10329155560717232,0.05586932218796635,0.02933586253571118,0.03569903498661284,0.029482340484772888,0.024129117311918986,0.026200809312080058,0.0765153014663164,0.0,0.026701885368007817,0.0,0.032931147840137794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408453686269974,0.0,0.0639875632747814,0.0,0.09958695352857863,0.027030905779449343,0.03290110700912116,0.03391039915765655,0.0,0.07516261354943789,0.0,0.20681531866611927,0.020237365009244525,0.0,0.08108208719193094,0.0,0.1302690482733884,0.03278519594212897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455222529327476,0.0,0.06999350914859981,0.08290420681518146,0.0,0.05287764365842535,0.029984728828345318,0.0,0.0,0.029582068084939555,0.0,0.14279905704239612,0.1345063458444727,0.03012951411475645,0.0,0.028680554528289545,0.053383257308357766,0.0,0.0,0.04848788730730146,0.0,0.032789284483116306,0.06020469727354005,0.05350156401395178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034568370400494784,0.0,0.055498079576855416,0.03340436409101668,0.02811012328243681,0.0929431218118685,0.0,0.0,0.035367297729995466,0.0,0.042066416168189034,0.0,0.03147648239158883,0.0,0.03090276674335812,0.0,0.0,0.07084791425040851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943416446575479,0.03267721669175973,0.12071856231213796,0.02557871256085997,0.035397763708417976,0.0,0.034094227661016975,0.0,0.06649340938070727,0.1686363541077164,0.0,0.027708924606227037,0.055540243613334976,0.07905334730494308,0.0,0.0,0.026677970619042018,0.0,0.05938462162588624,0.020946249813019447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031623442158706896,0.033288992434368184,0.031684636960744667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023067752202143584,0.0,0.02420202429864101,0.0,0.0,0.11779120806419348,0.03074552623805345,0.03010974953263932,0.03572609262213625,0.0,0.0,0.042527508167045584,0.047731480259049976,0.03339030313336044,0.03681741594309608,0.13937414850227145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778232077672065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03192452205932867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03226364474824975,0.03098375149539673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748633923489025,0.06283327703808382,0.03175801718747207,0.025005625481658536,0.0,0.03273595889652902,0.03545022456964463,0.0,0.0,0.03527219252469569,0.06280489318392611,0.031987738534942384,0.0,0.02415769117557029,0.0,0.0,0.06663231891205683,0.03344667504984508,0.025059936426151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864878216708441,0.07121881513690673,0.0,0.0,0.02359369267177762,0.025221882125452483,0.16456388856918558,0.0,0.0,0.03643434838595812,0.04169466893464433,0.040213797678072184,0.0,0.07473613117995075,0.09148902341924076,0.0,0.029744366551679287,0.08995418648503595,0.0,0.021304813843447082,0.0,0.030653489782672263,0.06533492463678267,0.0,0.0,0.10368119792925166,0.051783217117144335,0.22210331895059554,0.02490781231695364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02831537468616805,0.0,0.036085203520337165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031867694357424516,0.0,0.11145649284743282,0.06861773651063835,0.3812987284014312,0.02020755238291017
suicidewatch,YourCatWasInMyDream,2019/01/31,"My only hope is her Maybe some background, I’ve always felt hopeless, I was planning to end it this year. 
But one day I meet her, a person I can talk to
and just be like with, she’s in school right now and I’m in the forest ready to slit my throat. 
I’m gonna be her till she can talk me out of it. And all those bullshit comments like don’t do it, fuck you it doesn’t help, I’ll update if I’m alive ",0.8584937888198779,1.5687970543478291,2.618322981366461,99.69934782608698,78.45652173913044,5.257142857142857,18.577639751552795,3.1291,-0.8871881987577641,307,5,82,0,7,102,65,92,0.107,0.7290000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,0,1,12,16,6,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,12,3,9,11,2,10,0,1,0,1,12,4,1,3,8,48,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254512282645273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473965506483838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23998034416828204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601534785422275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250487934480534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816113670847333,0.0,0.0,0.2691134392308103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264743937623333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722046341800495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360201796236844,0.20606888279157184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658216858046774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313889193671469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742147985346458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43555699871740416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744822377558229
suicidewatch,Kodalt,2019/01/31,"I’m too sensitive for this world. I think I’m a nice person, i was born to a nice home and nice family. I mean well and I always want to do my best. But the outside world affects me so much in a transient way that is hard to describe. People have called me lazy, lost, naive or that I take things for granted all though my life and they’re all right. 

This sounds arrogant but. I feel very connected to my surroundings. Everything - EVERYTHING - means so much to me. I can’t let things die or be still. It’s like it’s an obsession for control. Like I’m trying to bring meaning to it and if I can’t then all my efforts were futile.  All my self esteem is based on whether or not things work. And if they don’t work then my purpose is lost.

I’m 25, female, I have years and years and years left. And I’m starting to feel on an intuitive level that the way I’m going to go is because I take my own life. I’m too sensitive to face the world around me. Things are very bad for me right now, admittedly. But I’ve always been this person. And it’s scary. I can’t change. Often when people talk about suicide they speak of disconnect and darkness. I’m not disconnected at all, I just can’t take the punishment of having my heart so dead set on things, and when they don’t work. It’s heartbreaking to put your soul into your actions just to see it end in failure.

If I keep living how can I trust others? Do I live like a hermit, only with a pet dog so other people can’t get close enough to hurt me? What joy does that bring? I need more than that but I can’t be with other people. I have a hard time even being touched. I want to be strong and secure and have others rely on me. If I wake up crying next to someone I’m never going to be that person.

Sorry this was nebulous and non sensical. I feel like I’m exploding. Do people even take these posts seriously? Do I sound like I’m kicking up drama and I don’t mean what I say?

I’m so lost.
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suicidewatch,AlieFray,2019/01/31,I wish I was fucking dead I don’t want to be alive. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be alive. Everything hurts all the time and I wish I could just kill myself and let that be an end to it. But I’m too weak and pathetic to even manage that. So I’ll just end up alone because everyone’s going to wind up hating me. I think my own boyfriend probably hates me. I’d hate me if I were him. I do hate me. What’s the point of me? I’m disgusting. I wish I was fucking dead. ,-1.5119051042415528,0.33220412149532663,1.5153271028037416,98.8583393242272,91.89719626168224,5.161466570812365,16.641984184040258,6.67199483983844,-0.34582473040977696,359,9,93,5,13,126,62,107,0.337,0.546,0.118,-0.9845,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,8,0,3,0,11,3,0,0,2,17,27,6,3,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,3,0,19,0,8,19,2,8,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,1,4,58,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490566347483588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773165978104662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490757558824488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549389552450905,0.0,0.0,0.09505711311781076,0.1301829352339044,0.0,0.13752072998645273,0.12934507772101822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266101511518743,0.0,0.0,0.08179245931860576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5683606937366589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406821901979162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922500146647067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471668833358804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604993215450098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516897623014808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443491164702944,0.0,0.0,0.08392030061961359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977425814184235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964990904105165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raunaqc99,2019/01/31,"Everythings fucked. Or so it seems My lifes fucked and it seems to me that im doomed to live this life of unhappiness but while i was writing my story and reasons why it doesnt make sense for me to go on i realised that this is a fucking suicide page and whatever is going on my life is reaally not the worst that it can be right now. Like i know ive fucked up and im a horrible person but srsly i can imagine wayy worse and really i can make some small changes right now that might make shit easier to handle. 

Im just addicted to weed, thats literally nothing. If  i just use it after i study then i can literally pass all my exams it not that tough. Thats one problem solved.

My social anxiety is bad but considering my past i think its way better now. I forced myself to attemd five classes of Jiu Jitsu and even though i was the creep over there who was incompetant, i still forced myself to go and learned something which is wayyy better than hiding it my room and being paranoid about my heartbeat.

 I forced myself to say something to a family member that i always wanted to say and even though i didnt get the emotions correct coz well i have alot to learn but still i fucking said it. 

Its just like i was overthinking for the last week about my past and purposely making it darker and more hurtful so that i get a reason to be depressed. Fuck that im going to buy weed right now and im gonna smoke cigarettes every second day now and tommorow ill go and meet my frnds. I can handle this its not that bad man. 


This helped. :)





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suicidewatch,fandaloib,2019/01/31,"I want it all to be over I wish it was over, fuck I'll proby die anyways from like my obese fat ass. Like I want to die and it's as far as I can remember that I've always been sad. I don't know why, it's like there's no one left for me. I'm too scared to kill myself but I'll probly jump off the west gate or something, Idk I tried to make the world a better place. I'm sorry, I tried. - me",-2.5640322580645147,-0.904153075268816,0.5013172043010776,105.27197580645162,95.88172043010752,3.5301075268817206,10.975806451612904,4.7782277997778095,-1.9062967741935488,296,3,84,1,12,103,63,93,0.224,0.633,0.142,-0.7684,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,2,1,3,0,5,4,2,1,1,10,13,5,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,11,4,11,10,1,9,0,1,0,2,0,8,2,1,3,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353075549010108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844460044980472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328850682110619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280161321880532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307302726113219,0.0,0.1146139224352747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659077136526196,0.0,0.0,0.3056617778987917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392091045302763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131924288801878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789092604617952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23624710674286165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208795471964094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055239415600753,0.0,0.2334552546736013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28318425339194137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460170230973495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818442392731566,0.0,0.2398228281291933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justnobody1997,2019/01/31,"I'm terrified, but I think it will soon be time for me to go. I hope it hurts, and I hope it's a slow torturous death. I hope I cry like a bitch, and I hope I find myself regretting killing myself at the very end. I hope it's punishment enough.

Fuck me, I believe in the existence of hell, and if there is where I'll go then fuck me again. 

Death is sad, and scary, and honestly, I do not want to die yet. What a miserable life it was, it had its good moments, I guess, I'll go out thinking about those.

I don't want to hurt my family, but I want to talk to them. It's perplexing. I don't want to inconvenience or hurt anybody, but the thought of dropping dead alone, with nobody to talk to, terrifies me. People want you to talk, then they shut you up, and then they want you to talk, but they want you to say only what they want to hear. If you do not, then you are hurting them and being selfish, because yeah that's how it works. Poor you, but fuck me, I guess.

I'm tired that at the beginning I was manipulated to come to a place I did not want to come, study something I never wanted to study, part with people I would have rather not parted with, deal with a dysfunctional home situation, etc. And now, years later, I fucking hate myself because I became this sort of twisted piece of shit I cannot stand, a liar, a fucking useless human being who would rather die than keep falling into this fucking pit of shit I find myself neck-deep in.

Hopefully, I have the balls to off myself, if not then I'll just run away and make sure I'm not found, which is as far as those around me are concerned, the same as me dying.

Good riddance. ",4.591923076923077,4.384836565088759,5.384431952662723,86.55960650887575,69.44378698224854,8.653491124260354,27.255029585798816,8.238735603445708,1.4524551479289936,1261,35,285,16,20,412,165,338,0.325,0.529,0.147,-0.9978,0,1,1,0,0,2,52.0,0,7,6,1,12,35,15,1,13,1,22,10,2,3,2,71,63,27,7,24,18,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,1,1,19,18,0,1,6,1,1,7,10,24,0,0,6,2,50,11,42,51,6,40,1,8,0,6,22,14,10,13,18,192,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327551396585663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298237184386071,0.0,0.0,0.06647181882722837,0.0,0.0,0.0862569113060517,0.0,0.0,0.0797108602655064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188947296334557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771539486024451,0.0,0.07293999510940781,0.0,0.0,0.22028154227010427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266337290869306,0.07310351406621363,0.07890479152444939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669666783383206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932817361997118,0.0,0.0,0.07757356553061194,0.0,0.3924426119617981,0.0,0.0,0.1206263211004416,0.11868324532502413,0.0,0.0,0.15587788599083566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985083559321917,0.0,0.0,0.07974022986170712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096787434270263,0.42162342559445376,0.0,0.0,0.30295673731098244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288572293540666,0.07827423340374574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049972715744214434,0.03456480601797416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047226078384109686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456665067898312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053808453738157125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323039944710895,0.0,0.09809808407991392,0.0,0.07391854137245127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562631253283994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524742133917926,0.0,0.07952580265300305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446669581528008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668090216277442,0.0,0.0,0.2274642177734421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066730217678046,0.0,0.05616748297405883,0.041254810095859136,0.08131655195862185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058376040875717565,0.4173009824258256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051506737928293696,0.0,0.0,0.10051733584040658,0.0,0.0,0.045560587757009566
suicidewatch,Throwawaywhiteguy82,2019/01/31,"Maybe tonight I wanted to wait until February 14th for obvious reasons but i don't give a shit really. I don't believe that loser short sadboys have a right to live and people lie saying that you can do anything in life, which is true for people who are taller and i just hate myself tbh. Because im a pervert. Plus im really trying and im tired. I've exercised Alot. Learning instruments. But I'm still a stupid short pervert who can't handle life. For some reason you know i think i was born with autism because i remember my big brother always getting cute gfs and i just stayed in my room. Now I'm reading about schizophrenia and i have a lot of those problems too so i should get drunk and kill myself because if i get a gf for like 5 months shell just cheat on me anyway. ",2.176792452830192,4.2617036603773615,3.4609811320754718,89.12883018867926,78.43396226415095,6.001006289308176,23.807547169811322,7.03164865440522,0.9120369811320752,618,21,124,7,15,201,104,159,0.227,0.669,0.105,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,1,9,10,5,0,7,0,11,6,1,2,2,29,22,12,1,4,6,1,0,1,1,1,4,1,1,0,6,8,1,1,6,3,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,18,3,14,20,3,16,0,1,0,0,8,9,1,4,7,75,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340080130187504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204154867442844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712142101069762,0.0,0.0,0.16708781303448725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23244814359062985,0.1422667022400382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464194881227878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805812796945926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407639351550782,0.0,0.0815039952365715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950299011408696,0.0724538391163717,0.0,0.13095514153771196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608275016095166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489912928595341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183748311019632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056306289656117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190689096109962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834412465285965,0.0,0.1900146689740552,0.3049624064861757,0.0,0.0,0.1679995122189262,0.1266507984102809,0.0,0.1179372865164724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152231916075332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807232245072406,0.11843575917324355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502720949187217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045362181533166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068867528970164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747353660269927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twobit78,2019/01/31,"The same stupid title I'm so alone.
I'm stuck with legal shit that's fucked up my life. Everyone says there's light at the end of the tunnel. That tunnel could be 20 years.

I'm guilty without proof

I just don't know where to turn. I'm thinking about poisoning myself in court next time.
We all get our wish then.

I don't really know why I'm saying this. It's just too get it off my chest I guess",-0.6385579937304087,1.4770532528735636,1.1933960292580998,100.59347962382448,91.183908045977,4.54294670846395,12.506792058516195,6.11248444174946,-1.1455885057471265,311,4,76,3,11,101,63,87,0.248,0.706,0.046,-0.9622,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,0,7,4,4,0,3,0,4,5,2,0,2,14,19,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,9,16,2,10,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,1,5,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387785695339032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184074104275134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419741514579154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202988363641752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313824231482087,0.2409040034411093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539750090064445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534066968095158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284312364820666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24519079465038424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769518190582873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36668261623335213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23665457680732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772607891469391,0.0,0.0,0.1344346017916998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507704102888938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803403393402226,0.0,0.26511923422765216,0.22224039034019855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846558397136214
suicidewatch,joeybagofcroissants,2019/01/31,"please help I don't know where else to go.  I am not looking for attention.  And before I come off like a piece of shit, I do realize that I should just man the fuck up and get through this.

​

I recently fucked up at work and forgot to renew my health insurance, (they changed it so that the program no longer auto updates and gives you the same insurance as the prior year), so now it's too late and I cannot afford it. As a result, I also cannot afford my anxiety meds.  I also missed my first day back at work because of my depression, and also because I fucking suck at attempting to be a functional adult.  Everyone I know has a family or a least a wife (I am a guy).  

​

I wish and pray every night that I won't wake up in the morning.  I beg God or whoever to kill me and save someone that enjoys life and deserves what I have (I realize that there is a 99.999999% chance that this is not how the world works, but just in case.) I do not deserve all that I have been given in life, not even close.

​

10 minutes ago I tied a garbage bag around my head with a MacBook charger wire and kept tightening it until I almost died or at least lost consciousness.  If not for weed I would be dead and, if I had a gun at my disposal, I am fairly certain I would be dead.

​

I don't know what I am looking for, I know there is no miracle cure here. I just don't know what to do.  If somehow, someway, someone can tell me why I shouldn't just go back and finish up this life. 

​

I want to die in the worst way and that thought consumes me.  I now think about suicide more then I think about sex and it is not even close.

​

Any advice is welcome",3.2818208092485577,4.27226899710983,4.335923699421965,88.62670635838154,72.90173410404623,7.501317919075143,27.7128323699422,7.839951260653429,1.51448152601156,1307,48,283,17,25,426,175,346,0.16699999999999998,0.75,0.083,-0.9894,2,0,0,1,0,5,61.0,0,1,1,6,25,15,6,0,18,0,31,11,3,2,2,64,57,31,6,9,17,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,19,19,0,2,12,0,0,3,15,10,0,1,7,2,44,5,33,42,7,39,1,3,2,4,10,19,5,8,17,205,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641778013697139,0.05821778800108043,0.0,0.06576500076042101,0.0,0.0,0.1575631572586278,0.0,0.42695934022411375,0.4788209796494673,0.04466191422386298,0.0,0.05024194009806293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846554068544279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100153963977572,0.0,0.08007092793943699,0.0,0.05588541633309965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947647182444247,0.05657403597257753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235556978240872,0.0,0.05656661989002989,0.0,0.13632258355055107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486384864829636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867567224144945,0.0,0.05533484040241128,0.06275620732814924,0.0,0.0,0.061913462968487376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055863949657071366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821491381210223,0.0343129855691556,0.06300237840828989,0.07465033868542276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650295394997765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740249650905569,0.06981048886916892,0.0,0.0,0.04402122076400919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266073416596212,0.0,0.18046898778246945,0.0,0.07408535894906418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916664742708784,0.032085963315865364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103025539401322,0.0,0.07169308347004716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295120116409999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163245228119025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209249697002018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484710079521748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674154431879275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129407873588316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183885555819856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057403695777362415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841650241022577,0.0,0.052139387020224616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387373908791124,0.05213053093799252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059262350997137614,0.0,0.07552412851771345,0.0,0.0,0.14343867309665148,0.0,0.0,0.09330865472546436,0.0,0.4788209796494673,0.04229317377509624
suicidewatch,Vitriox,2019/01/31,"No where else to turn. Alright I'll keep it short and to the point.

I'm 23 years old and just about every day, I have to talk myself down from blowing my brains out and I don' t think I could live my life doing that every day.I've pretty much given up on college as I just physically can't bring myself to get out of bed to do anything other than work, come back home and lay in bed.I've been to multiple therapists and it turns out I've been diagnosed with Severe Chronicle Depression and Mild-To-Severe Psychosis.My hallucinations are mostly visual but sometimes they are auditory as well.

So I'm not really sure what else to do and or say, I can answer any questions anyone has but mostly what I'm trying to look for is, someone that doesn't just blankly stare at me when I'm describing my outlook on life, and or make replies such as ""Damn sucks dude"" or ""Just get out more"" or the BEST one ""Just give it time""

I've tried talking to my family and friends and they all pretty much give me the same answer.  I don't really know what I'm expecting to get from a forums board but, honestly I'm all out of places to look.

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suicidewatch,armalavi,2019/01/31,"Paracetamol Overdose I was curious how long it would take for Paracetamol to shut down my liver, as in the effects would be irreversible? 

I'm not planning on suicide, nor have I done anything similar of the sort, I just get randomly suicidal. 

Say if I took 10 grams of Paracetamol, how many hours would I need to get to the hospital to ensure that I don't pass away? How many hours would it take for it to start affecting my liver?

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suicidewatch,Paranoid5,2019/01/31,"I think going blind would be the only reason to kill myself Just thinking about losing my vision completely is horrible. It would be my worst nightmare. Kill my family, make me homeless, but don't you ever take nlmy vision away.",6.092142857142857,7.705169642857142,6.446190476190478,73.78214285714287,66.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,25.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.211990476190476,183,5,28,3,3,59,36,42,0.284,0.636,0.08,-0.8515,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,1,9,11,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,7,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315297888731596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583779385985113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229107095204844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323129665256713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005226650771796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452781962016705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756929595161477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449443012835516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742167964393816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337184002399704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852852451065153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158057309256305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501146494232644,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kdneiwbaj,2019/01/31,"No matter how hard I try, no matter how much time and effort I put into something, I can't do anything right. That is the root of all of my problems, and one of the reasons why I'll kill myself.",5.891428571428572,3.7897457619047614,6.928571428571432,82.7914285714286,67.57142857142857,8.4,30.523809523809533,3.1291,1.3021523809523807,150,4,33,0,2,51,32,42,0.29100000000000004,0.6609999999999999,0.048,-0.9001,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,4,1,11,3,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26526734665328144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28876311421185985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566335402085741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696502134945566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184333304873685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084463024759607,0.0,0.32405171532792915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314304401912989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752859301666199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248161492069462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796541767746786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188551196067331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908715729312429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imdepressedagainn,2019/01/31,"I’m scared, I don’t think anyone understands me, I have no friends. I used to, now I’m just an introverted workaholic. I have a girlfriend but I can’t open up because I don’t want to ruin the only good thing in my life. I think I just need to talk to someone. Maybe make a friend. I went from being a mommy’s boy, to being a drug addict, to dropping out of school, to having a kid, to getting married, then divorced. In and out if the judicial system. Now I have my life together, but it seems like i should have never gotten it together. I have never been this sad and lonely when I was a homeless drunk. I just turned 27, and I don’t think I can take another year. In the outside I’m a out together normal guy, but on the inside I’m contemplating  suicide. I am so alone. Even when I’m with people, I don’t think I ever connect. ",0.6831682539682546,2.6929871485714294,3.1708095238095275,89.64580158730162,83.22857142857143,5.717460317460318,21.722222222222214,6.937597516519254,0.6128984126984123,641,21,138,8,18,222,99,175,0.173,0.7390000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9462,0,3,1,0,1,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,12,0,18,5,0,2,3,30,38,11,1,5,7,0,0,1,3,1,4,0,0,3,4,8,1,0,6,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,0,22,4,19,31,0,21,0,3,0,0,8,9,0,2,10,96,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781897369337736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692897615992168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139649243299024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429131848589168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964046078264564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895555448592131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796027996466724,0.14785412341584225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525693732411614,0.0,0.08539832823031412,0.0,0.0,0.1370980373897935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184583960715232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309057603811674,0.07985570422928133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091072736062574,0.0,0.16421220407961454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211995801582505,0.2521326643718152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015088969952931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431465591083575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331889991905572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364665776856166,0.16542487086695587,0.0,0.14880300918984127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384946268639611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879289909893256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228975833240341,0.13137868680512152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859203179527974,0.4189406566974975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779176354399304,0.0,0.1701620949340254,0.0,0.14117236970326846,0.0,0.0,0.09640981005319806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152413352482344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525946011512467
suicidewatch,YanKoko711,2019/01/31,"Why Can’t I Stop? I made my plan. I’m going to do it. I’m finally going to be free. I should be happy, absolutely elated. I’ll finally be rid of this pain and this shitty life I’ve been given. So why? Why can’t I stop crying? It feels just as painful as before, if not more so. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I wanted to do and all the things I wanted to see. I won’t get to experience any of it. I realize now that my life has been so lacking that maybe I’ve never lived before. But I have my plan. I have to do it. Because I know it’s the right thing for me. There is no happiness for me if I stay alive. I really wish there was but this isn’t a game. There’s nothing that I can do about my life being absolute shit and I just don’t have the strength to keep at it. I’m not strong enough, I’m a complete wreck. I have nobody to rely on and my parents hate me. They even wish I was dead so that they could have a new daughter of their own. One that isn’t screwed up and broken like me. I have to do it. Everyone will be happier without me. They’ll hardly even remember there was something like me.",-0.4560241874527584,1.458037000000001,2.1570521541950107,95.75950869236584,87.16326530612244,5.425547996976569,18.053665910808768,6.775458762138228,-0.10054950869236556,855,22,208,11,27,295,117,245,0.182,0.6920000000000001,0.126,-0.9403,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,4,15,12,3,0,7,0,35,7,1,1,3,34,54,15,1,9,9,2,2,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,18,5,0,4,5,1,1,2,12,5,0,1,7,3,34,8,22,37,6,15,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,2,10,148,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925075036650311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710413025507096,0.0,0.1983327967871189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218928514930795,0.0,0.0,0.09304718345812707,0.0,0.12801299734754454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041629549825013,0.0,0.15394627548260106,0.0,0.0,0.11135833757556067,0.0,0.11399784078328087,0.0,0.0,0.05892579404755921,0.0,0.0,0.2553263103655953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088699736514271,0.0,0.13246398992841116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481165979015225,0.1043963617512218,0.11505847519141592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035855237923616,0.0,0.0,0.06404697581010635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469455558779976,0.113870473901711,0.0,0.10290637603629338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110272345293998,0.0,0.0,0.11707943521042613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898823266766463,0.1125544248396535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182264385201247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897007569794014,0.0,0.2480121577461165,0.0,0.12940315024251925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465808806073079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320163590013462,0.09952396319431192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286676893479977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962596211514336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971768076929293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421543487362828,0.0,0.29229633013532824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23227068576669144,0.07467370611664098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747584928950046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154758948395124,0.0,0.2680289888966301,0.11233976910126227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad-confetti,2019/01/31,"I made a mistake and I want to die I fucked up at work. I don't want to go into detail but just know someone could have been seriously hurt and it was all my fault. This is really effecting my general anxiety and has substantially increased suicidal ideation (never attempted but it's always been a lingering idea). I texted the hot line while at work, didn't really help. Talked to pyciatrist, antidepressants have been increased. Is there anything else I can do?",5.086345514950164,7.224703116279072,6.078172757475084,73.36732558139536,70.16279069767442,10.495681063122923,30.890365448504987,10.608840637214634,3.8206830564784062,372,16,65,12,7,123,62,86,0.274,0.639,0.087,-0.959,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,1,0,3,0,14,1,0,2,2,18,20,6,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,6,1,8,0,7,13,3,9,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,45,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196558540152549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071186140256093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943934592995014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860684040728745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451647744547988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733609398026145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838666884330235,0.0,0.0,0.1342523958255193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583369736509016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528842841539643,0.26666983674191136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982335731443406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235222803875832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821916689242593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026642092034991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001531001011249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583923567364847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986910934161666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786638413237901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439499557781967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaximizeZ,2019/01/31,"I feel like tonight is going to be my last night. The last few days have honestly just been so stressful and depressing for me. I've written a suicide note and kept it in my pocket for the past 3 days. I stockpiled a number of my anti depressants and every night and I laid in bed close to ingesting all those pills. I just... I don't know. 

I'm close to losing whatever strength I had left in me and I just have no more motivation to keep going on. ",1.4624731182795718,3.464382344086019,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,80.39784946236558,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,1.1024107526881717,350,12,76,6,9,117,62,93,0.209,0.667,0.124,-0.8629,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,1,1,16,15,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,1,12,3,11,10,3,17,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,9,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830733332799982,0.0,0.3780494921190691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490859407270727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096801784379874,0.15678572633720764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494538535394682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507043457526635,0.0,0.0,0.12061213717037073,0.3577862741669197,0.0,0.0,0.2384491920070249,0.0,0.0,0.10721943576702876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455250202652513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119057728436676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095040237999768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25139623399251737,0.0,0.0,0.2400589155847631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BladeOfWoah,2019/01/31,"2 weeks ago,I tried to have myself runover. This was after dark so few people were driving, The first car just slowed down and drove around me which made me feel even more pathetic, so I searched for a motorway. I found one, but I had chickened out after standing on the empty road for a while.

I went home, where my dad was worried about me, we had an argument before about me doing nothing for the last few weeks. I did this because I didn't want to burden him or my younger brother anymore. I tried to tell him what I did but he was too busy hugging and apologizing for earlier, and I was mumbling so I didn't think he understood me.

Cut to now and I still haven't done much to improve my situation. I feel my family has tried to put it behind them, but I still feel guilty over it. Some nights I can't sleep and just feel like garbage, and wonder if maybe a train would've been easier. ",4.249069981583793,4.879907530386743,4.765428176795584,87.76188075506448,70.38121546961327,8.022283609576428,27.23802946593002,8.07648339933343,1.4575410681399632,697,22,151,9,12,222,113,181,0.11,0.7929999999999999,0.097,0.1851,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,1,14,4,1,0,7,0,18,2,1,1,0,27,30,15,0,2,7,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,9,0,0,8,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,18,4,28,2,20,12,5,25,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,4,13,109,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451534296292626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239480726921188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577114722159684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998197475640188,0.0,0.13933816665892693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675718729986902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815453690566264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436779373914894,0.0,0.3311852500248376,0.11698217420267193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928464415738173,0.0,0.17954210536085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425339592577262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347712585105012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999939156345359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494307220341427,0.0,0.0,0.16450767719666334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037420790668756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536671545286229,0.0,0.1571213882696126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096042355998584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352279882393485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646127699829504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840605100612222,0.16386705569380747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615400036427959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431236672084542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492361804475916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33352405581581485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096583283804739,0.0,0.2626988175939501,0.0,0.0,0.15179677652533385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757858666778015,0.0,0.16629485319904408,0.0,0.11632244810849303,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Simplespider,2019/01/31,"I'm tired of being depressed Just feeling extra shitty again. It's exhausting. I hate myself a lot. I'm constantly thinking about killing myself. I feel like some people just weren't meant for living, I feel like I keep getting punched in the face. I really want to be dead. I've wanted it for a long time. Idk what's stopping me.",0.9339393939393936,3.5057936060606067,2.4669696969696986,90.43712121212124,90.21212121212122,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.5220424242424246,262,9,50,3,9,85,50,66,0.365,0.528,0.107,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,13,15,0,2,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,8,2,6,11,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560841563977817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410491976204295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35946275051777626,0.3385878173200725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380886784474515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339622606771408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106329262539607,0.2621760562258513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23154655451586656,0.0,0.20925193329295386,0.2097140815966597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014663870106538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428758027384938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181128579587494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812044867424453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184304387073255,0.0,0.0,0.13818114775380472,0.2723661666340355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795462084368129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FirstGalerian,2019/01/31,"Generic Edgy Venting Post I'm not going to anhero, but I sure would like to.

​

Complicated girlfriend left me for my boss/best-friends younger brother, who is also my underling at our job and one I once considered a good friend. She will do it to him and it pains me to know he is acting just as I did. To the t. Minus events that have distorted things. You cannot reason with people..  My father has recently and painfully gone blind in one eye and has been dealing with accusations of murder, going on 7 years now. I cannot prove anything but I have rarely ever been wrong and I am certain he is innocent. This man gave up his fortune to get custody of my twin and myself. He has sacrificed everything for us. That's a whole can of worms. His ex-girlfriends ""best"" friend is head investigator, but while she is known for violence and drug use it doesn't seem to matter. She cheated on him with a notorious drug pusher and user. But my straight laced father is main suspect. Insert angry edgy comment insulting god.

My female shiba ran out of my apartment and cannot be found despite being chipped, she was never abused though I suspect her prior owners. I loved her so much. I have dealt with the loss of so many animals in my life and I intended (and did spoil)  to spoil her and her brother. Again that's another can of worms. My Grandmother has been showing serious signs of  Alzheimer's . I was not there more in my grandfathers life before he painfully passed away which destroyed my grandmother. I don't even remember the last time I hugged him and told him I loved him, told him just how much he meant to me. My shitty 93 Jeep, which my father bought my grandmother when I was 12 and she gave to me this past year so I wouldn't be mugged walking to work anymore, nearly killed me when the transmission slipped into neutral while I was driving then back to drive TWICE while on the highway (and continues to do so) in a major city.  I'm too god damn poor to succeed. **Every single fucking car** I have acquired has either BROKEN beyond financial repair or been broken into/stolen. I'm not kidding. 

For those who don't understand why the transmission issue is so bad, just imagined a build up of a lot of pressure that releases and repeats without your control. Pent up energy is very powerful. Now imagine that it happens while driving. Now do it while driving with a light ended vehicle with real-wheel drive. Now imagine all of it while having to go 80 or surrounding traffic will run you over. Again now but the vehicle has over 380000 miles on its transmission with poor maintenance done prior to your ownership. I shouldn't be driving it still but I have to because money=god and I need ""god"" to live. Now I need to somehow save up to replace the vehicle and saving money is damn near impossible.  I am one of the power payers of my apartment due to various reasons so I struggle to save anything. It's normal for me to have in-between 38 cents to 6 dollars in my account at any given time after bills or emergency's. ""It's not that hard to save up money"" some may say, and that may be true for them but literally **EVERY SINGLE TIME** I have any savings something always happens to take it from me. Now I hate being alive and all but I don't hate those I do love, while I exist here in order to save them I would and have done anything within my power. 

The baby boomers hate me, gen X hates me, gen tide pod eater/swag/yolo/fortnite victory royal hates me. I am a Millennial and l am somehow responsible for everything wrong in this world almost because I was born. The list goes on and only gets worse, and it does get worse. I have tried un-alive several times in my life only to fucking fail. I had my college funds ripped away from me because I ""made too much money"". I didn't know 15000 a year was so much, I'm so rich.  I believe I make somewhere like 22000 now, it's not even remotely comfortable. I am not very attractive and have poor luck with women if any at all. My family would tell me I'm a catch but I doubt that, my names not Chad. I cannot have children because I am sterile. I have nothing outside of some minor, very minor, material possessions. I have only a handful of friends at best, even my twin is distant from me. I exist because the people around me guilt me to live. You know they'd be sad if I did not mouth breathe anymore. Because their happiness is worth more than mine.

 I just want to die. I have always wanted to die. I don't want an ever after, I don't want anything; I was a mistake I should have never been born. I haven't been happy outside of the bullshit child happiness built by lies over Christmas and birthdays.  I am very aware that other's have it worse, but I am not them and these are pains that affect me. It doesn't get better, it never has.  

The end.",2.854096750360334,4.993781178082196,3.958131608589806,86.11317527221638,76.52370916754478,6.63929847510386,25.87116504971961,7.6298220110432995,1.4683194917820326,3794,142,732,54,87,1230,408,949,0.194,0.677,0.129,-0.9977,4,0,3,0,1,1,120.0,2,5,5,12,42,60,14,4,27,0,100,21,5,9,12,136,149,64,4,16,30,5,2,2,4,10,10,1,0,5,38,38,0,1,17,1,14,17,28,30,0,4,31,6,124,30,104,100,21,109,0,3,2,6,64,41,4,16,51,518,162,5,0.0,0.06767115600435733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571917634822819,0.0,0.0,0.04567431875750472,0.09504741595467213,0.061883365823523585,0.06940017715052771,0.11651913352494188,0.059889367602715474,0.0,0.0,0.11328416060047596,0.0,0.0,0.18800094842551895,0.05084387342937465,0.0,0.0,0.10732160901944064,0.04391740363136122,0.04768809000147527,0.2088982370365201,0.0,0.048600098472971226,0.06434830527394672,0.17981393513615526,0.050512994256235066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640585912172404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058882378842063765,0.0,0.0,0.11855133985505666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998114567485997,0.1168956033269986,0.0,0.0,0.1324690085083835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117270936463976,0.0,0.0,0.11317045293369485,0.10332638460837318,0.09624259311281312,0.0,0.1026613758845497,0.0,0.05384231870326037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262292815967034,0.17650559617071698,0.10560257792103576,0.11935954579799117,0.0,0.09737819047981423,0.0479048003975826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101204822516248,0.18239783766679216,0.051163232138304884,0.2819429421173727,0.05861579250191689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059612534400019075,0.056677171665276374,0.0,0.06318855736058328,0.0,0.09416564627810464,0.04655581177646138,0.0,0.0,0.0620548998263095,0.0,0.12102464673066887,0.055806365204713104,0.0,0.10086602094818604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855657124114187,0.15464377096484752,0.05404297147976137,0.03812426686438699,0.05790497845792459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794245247078896,0.08469912197567378,0.13215030488840926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595992875330813,0.05480275164524636,0.0,0.0,0.060824910345968236,0.11610646905132975,0.13031409255635554,0.2430947474994346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054522102174845315,0.07919178691758774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054699751887363285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500862525189291,0.0,0.1174461121566028,0.056393522516672276,0.0,0.06469941584492643,0.0,0.0,0.045419617254649734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199475200021849,0.0,0.06452294964302045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396941091729131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561158739362095,0.0,0.0,0.059708311235670976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382959152642793,0.0,0.04294287730570697,0.0,0.04992045242830099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379442310551128,0.0,0.05611455114629803,0.0,0.13321532876321562,0.0,0.0,0.1091504029516134,0.0,0.0387768892147371,0.0,0.0,0.059458044391055925,0.06870152126536773,0.0493284537185671,0.0,0.1885012549829719,0.13475007505282166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051536810194519785,0.06376612330481687,0.0,0.05505618767240405,0.0,0.04157992129096685,0.0,0.1746131821012228,0.12171716985184672,0.12489113429439545,0.06940017715052771,0.11033929127159947
suicidewatch,cheeeky_,2019/01/31,"Compulsive gambling, homeless on Friday I feel so insane I don't know what I'll end up doing. I haven't made a car payment in months, but don't worry the registration is expired and I have no insurance. I'm off my meds and I'm either anxious, scared, sad, or angry all day long. I work the night shift and I'm terribly isolated.

I've been an asshole to my family and they say ""you've really changed Alex."" I'm 40 with no partner and no kids. 

I got sober in 2014 and life was, for once, pretty fucking awesome. After three years I asked my psychiatrist for the good drugs, the add drugs and the anxiety drugs, and now I'm strung out and completely miserable. I want to go to treatment but my insurance deductible is 6000 dollars and every penny I get my hands on goes into the casino. Credit score 371 down from 700 six months ago.

I can't stand it anymore. Kill me now. I don't want to live. Fuck it.",1.7275785024154615,3.83356510326087,3.53144927536232,87.95074879227055,80.03260869565217,6.697584541062803,23.265700483091784,7.793537801064563,1.1931772946859909,705,24,146,12,18,236,120,184,0.241,0.645,0.114,-0.9819,0,0,3,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,3,2,8,0,11,7,1,1,1,24,27,14,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,3,14,0,0,2,1,4,2,8,7,0,2,4,3,18,2,18,23,2,23,0,2,0,2,5,9,2,1,11,81,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368534499772608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153704275957716,0.17037413154393774,0.14956453933656955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098844685158604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953862941173613,0.0,0.15812304721795933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726097732932566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246805765848236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335742754269162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706524042880465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217171316767593,0.0,0.07625485412368606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788457068630572,0.07879281352341029,0.0,0.08570968276201624,0.1264935780164955,0.12061777827823612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685064218833667,0.0,0.08288208714711763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652266207206794,0.0,0.0,0.13316936699590848,0.1334634813493304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270154081392233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675176407499411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407526904402817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152642910640814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060938524612528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342957024511536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661374456200726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993140251076645,0.15098867690375384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779051263125903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979260896793283,0.1531564557450778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711769755092024
suicidewatch,VictoriaClaire212,2019/01/31,"is there a hotline that wont call the cops on you? i just want to know if there is actually some hotline that you can talk to, that will not call anybody if you want to kill yourself so that you can remain anonymous and actually feel free to talk
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suicidewatch,xstarvingkittenx,2019/01/31,"BPD won I can't do this anymore. I don't know why everything has to hurt so much. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense, but I still feel an immense amount of pain. Borderline personality disorder is ruining my life, and I don't know how to take control of it. It's hurting me and the people around me. I just lost the only person that I had left and the reason I had to live. It's all my fault. Everything is my fault. Just when I think it's going to be okay is when it gets bad again. I need some stability for once. 
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suicidewatch,iiClash,2019/01/31,"i dont know how to feel and it hurts I was nervous about posting this and I still am but I feel so alone. My mom died in August 2017, and I can't seem to forget about her. Every thought I have is about her and no matter how much I try to move on it doesn't work. She killed herself one normal night, I remember it so vividly and feel so guilty. I'm not at all proud of what I've done to her before. I spent 800 dollars of her money without telling her, and I regret it so much. I don't know what was going through my head at the time but its all I can think about. I feel like I killed her. She meant so much to me and she helped me through everything I ever had problems with. She was the only person I could talk to who would understand me and help me. She was the most perfect person I could imagine in my head, she didn't care about how much money she had, she just wanted me and my brother to be happy. But it's hard to move on when I feel like the money I spent pushed her to the edge, pushed her to doing what she did. And now, fast forward almost a year ahead, I still cry every night, but not only because of her. I've lost most of my friends, I've ruined my relationships, pushed people away and then got mad at them. My dad and my step mom make me feel so unwanted and useless, I do so much for them to help them but they act like I do nothing for them while my brother sits in his room all day and does absolutely nothing. I have nobody to talk to, and i feel really dull and unwanted by everyone. I try to get help but i'm too nervous to ttell anybody, I can't pay for online therapy, nothing really works. ",2.2941929746554024,3.2860858092485583,3.719075144508672,92.10110271231665,75.30057803468208,6.594753223654957,22.84526456202757,6.8449194561589275,0.4520403734993326,1254,33,291,11,26,414,157,346,0.174,0.698,0.128,-0.953,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,5,6,25,20,3,2,6,0,26,2,2,4,5,66,51,35,3,9,10,5,8,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,11,17,0,0,16,0,7,9,10,12,0,1,15,9,66,8,42,32,10,36,0,6,1,0,42,11,0,4,19,206,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896213271176178,0.09269501376212497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840882011943917,0.0,0.0,0.054558372557567236,0.0,0.07615791257326704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125122032573488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291694319419818,0.0,0.09831155328990293,0.057720099305569275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928868753336612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783220578191762,0.09158957921996774,0.10489333971898396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095787881883237,0.1508152292363458,0.08552109055858087,0.08043683382262136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167772431849325,0.12787764342221605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914748212566756,0.0,0.046760058823356834,0.0,0.05086491557370737,0.0,0.07158133026633441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952744199500334,0.08017442520866096,0.0,0.1837056525001248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399598680508176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958116068194872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980369908005236,0.0,0.09837372463544099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117554539491402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769982835013716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059741948555775824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964264915062827,0.0,0.1902486833170889,0.32896400970575185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797938426476072,0.08769100260096949,0.2576330069101181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060647519909310416,0.1361375741997862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062048034614010136,0.1562959050059306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857162650469529,0.0,0.0,0.08563941788840583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467199042262853,0.0,0.0,0.09608951131312472,0.10138605908791924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147744349332084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429496397824457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438734282145387,0.07822694955580926,0.0,0.10235105613033324,0.0,0.0,0.057347989581946264,0.0,0.07105300700709231,0.05218817286455876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152925740764095,0.0,0.0,0.09317266196548576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278942202566367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627481135052087,0.0,0.1303141396819142,0.0,0.0,0.06357823592612516,0.0,0.0,0.057635069077978225
suicidewatch,ilaughatmalesuicide,2019/01/31,MY WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN ON ME AND IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN It’s not going to be okay ,-1.1406666666666678,0.9285676000000008,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,98.0,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.9158333333333328,72,2,15,0,3,25,20,20,0.0,0.899,0.101,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35905495139649496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6824304681170342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6366853210678146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sprayhorses,2019/01/31,I’m living for other people and I’m tired I’ve been suicidal since I was 14 and there have been so many nights like this where I just want to die. But I want to die without repercussions. I don’t want my death to affect the people around me and that’s the only reason I’m still here. ,1.862741935483872,3.151293983870972,3.329870967741936,93.27480645161293,76.90322580645163,6.250322580645161,17.238709677419354,6.742157984588678,-0.2925264516129036,225,3,52,2,5,74,43,62,0.278,0.625,0.097,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,12,11,5,4,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,6,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016669663747376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702216305655659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067508842405699,0.0,0.20003732094847984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296741093068961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259069079092846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229245760371134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31410603386951624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291892959364355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873946837910069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809136448658824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779594780797226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603722576565286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008541790057267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837467523938234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alex10288,2019/01/31,I'm done. Can anyone recommend a quick way with legal ingredients!  I'll buy you flair and gold.  Thank you in advance.,0.48978260869565204,2.828631782608696,2.5568478260869583,86.97266304347826,100.7391304347826,5.778260869565218,18.793478260869566,7.1686216300943375,0.9016173913043479,93,3,18,2,4,31,21,23,0.0,0.715,0.285,0.6996,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027699235587487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.589473347530343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303262315045826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572216633166008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostsoulNinteyThree,2019/01/31,"I want to Kill myself, but I am scared Cliche isn't the word for how I feel like categorizing myself.

​

for starters , I have cheated on my Spouse more times then I have fingers and maybe toes. 

many of them being with prostitutes, one time I even fucked my uncles ex wife... All I feel is guilt. from the second I made the decision to cheat every time, the moments I sit and think about it, the moments I sit a and think how am I suppose to teach my boys to be men, if I am a poor excuse of one. of course I have never admitted to any of these unfaithful acts to my girlfriend.

​

I have physically and psychologically abused my spouse throughout our relationship. not the typical come home beat up your girlfriend just because I feel bad abuse . no excuses but the type of abuse where in the beginning its just name calling , over time we are throwing each others pain in one another's face over and over as like a badge of honour. continuously taking digs at one another to make each other feel worthless, which escalated to screaming them and not just saying them. to making outlandish accusations which stem from the painful secretes we have shared and admitted to one another. 

for my self it was being ""molested"" I use those quotations because I don't feel like my abuse deserves the actual title.. I had a cousin who was 5 years older than me, and another one who was roughly 3 years older who separately ,when I was a child 3 or 4 they began getting me to perform small favours such as touching their backs, to kissing their body and lips which eventually led to them encouraging giving them blows jobs and receiving them. one even attempted to sodomize me once and also got me to return the favour to him...looking back, I want to justify it as being a adolescent who never knew better, as a small child who was groomed until he thought it was normal. but for some reason I can't pin myself as the victim but rather belittle myself further by calling myself degrading names, and believing them to be true. why did I freeze, why did it feel good. am I gay.

then from being called such names regarding those circumstances to her telling me all my problems stem from "" being a little boy who had his penis touched "" to her screaming those related statements while in arguments no matter where we lived,i front of my son, if we were out of the car, to yelling them out the apartment and car window constantly making me feel lower I finally started to cave in to "" not giving a fuck"" another worthless excuse just for the record. I started getting ""even"" as if you want to hurt me with words ill just hurt you.. 

started by punches to the limbs, to pushing and shoving , to choking her. times in front of my infant, times while she held my infant , times while she had been carrying my child in the womb, and twice I had open hand slapped her.

now I have completely gotten ahold of the physical aspect roughly for 7 months, not saying much but I have made the effort and honestly keep my hands to myself...LOL like thats something to be proud of and not a expectation of men

​

over years I have tried therapy, different counsellors different out reach programs which give me the tools, but the fire won't extinguish. she has never made the attempts to do so, that nothing is wrong with her , that I was her problem to the way she has acted. which to some degree I fully believe that I am the sole cause of all her heartache...but another part wants to disregard it as a excuse. she still will argue, belittle me infant of my children and family members, to demote any hard work I have ever done, to make stabs at any attempt I do to provide, I honestly feel nothing is good enough...when I've tried to talk to her in the past about us, about my childhood trauma, she has told me I don't want to talk about it, ""its gross"". she has said your never going to get better, your kids hate you, no wonder you have no friends  and I'm starting to believe that.. ps I don't have any friends like I haven't hung out with someone and shoot the shit in 5 plus years almost , except for a childhood bestfriemd who had made me a best man at his wedding and one buddy who checked in on me when I got arrested..sorry side note ...   never being found guilty in the end but arrested 4 times and spending 2 weekends in jail because of...sorry side note ...

for as long as I can remember , well atleast until my childhood abuse stopped, I just wanted to not be here, not be present. no real plans on how I would end it , or  never the inclination to self harm. just deep sorrow of not wanting to exist, not wanting to feel.

​

most people would turn to drugs, or most people would self harm or most people would just kill themselves. but I feel like I can't. 

​

my biological father had never truly been involved, and the man who raised me was coincidentally addicted to hard drugs, who killed himself when I was only a preteen..which left my mother and sister in shambles, I seen how his actions broke their hearts. I watched my little sister struggle with identifying her self, struggle with accepting what happened, spiral out of control with drugs alcohol and self harm , and by the grace of whatever I have fortunately watched her regain her footing and make it appear to as she was never once that person and true 180 into a better life ...my scars and damage had only appeared to myself for so many years, they had only been internally. I played the role of men don't cry so well, I played the role of you are the man of the house ever since I was a boy ""having his penis touched""...until I started experimenting with psychedelics  and came to grips and caved in to  with what happened and developed I do not give a fuck attitude, a you want to make me feel pain, I will show you pain, to a you think you can hurt me, Im already dead attitude, that I think I'm gay because I did those things attitude....so fucking cliche that it makes me sick, just makes me regret my whole existence....but then that would take away my children, the only things I feel like I have accomplished in this life, the only parts of me that are ""innocent "" and ""pure of heart"" are those kids,,,. I feel completely tainted. I feel like my oldest who is still  just a. bit younger then preschool age has seen his father act so irrational , angry, and abusive that he will subconsciously to grow up to be me, that he will grow up and resent every foul step I have taken in this life, or mostly I will some how inadvertly pour my toxicity all over his life.

​

I feel like every step I take in abetter direction, is a fraud, invalid, is just a cover up, is to somehow make myself feel like I'm a better person for the horrible things I have done, that nothing I do is truly pure, that somehow the part of brain is the master in disguise , tricking me into believing I'm acting better and doing better because I want to , but I truly feel its out of guilt. I want my kids to be proud of me, but what of, how could they be proud of a man who has cheated, abused in the worst ways, failed in every avenue in life. 

​

I lose my patience with my son, getting frustrated that I yell at him , never curse or physically abused him but have told him to shut up maybe 3 times and get so frustrated that I just sit him in time out for 5 minutes or less till I feel even worse for doing those things then whatever he did to make me frustrated..promising daddy will be better and that was mean of daddy to say... .he's a toddler he does random shit I understand that completely but part of my will also just have the "" why won't you listen to me kid "" response.

I have acted irrationally to almost every confrontation or event that demanded patience and wisdom as a young adult , I have literally missed every shot I have taken. I have failed my children, my mother, my partner , myself and whatever energy that has created us all. that I feel like if their is damnation at the end of the road I am certainly heading for it no matter how much I convince myself to be abetter person and even if I accomplish it....enough self pity to rot your teeth.

​

I have wanted to just remove myself from the existence to take myself out of the game, to check out. I feel like I can't be saved, I can't save myself and if I can't do those things how can I teach my sons to be men, how can I teach them to not follow when I am leading them down a painful path.

I feel like I'm not searching for answers rather then pity, and from the other perspective searching for someone to agree that I am the worthless scum that I believe ,to affirm my self loathing and disgust with myself .

I am not much of anything except terrible traits and a sack of skin and bones. even when I sit here and type I feel hollow, no tears, no pain, just empty with sorrow. 

I have lied, cheated, stole, abused, used every single person that has cared for me in life, I don't feel like I belong on this earth, I haven't earned it, in fact I have earned the opposit.

I don't feel like I should share air with most people out here, yet I know Im not the only one who has done the exact same things though I hold myself to this whatever standard I choose to believe what men are but constantly fail to reach because its easier to say whatever I'm fucked, then to keep pushing and not let words affect me , to not allow lack of love to produce hate. 

IDK what I need , what I need to hear, but I want out...but I can't, that would just be another failure to check off, to leave my kids with the questions to why he left us, why he didn't he love us, why couldn't he change...yet I fear if I stay the questions will be similar, does dad love us, why is he so angry, is it our faults. and I can't pick what is worse causing them pain directly or indirectly.

​

iim literally a sack of shit, I manipulate . 

one time I stole over 1200 dollars worth of product from my brother, because I knew when it would be in the mail...fortunately for his good karma, he was completely reimbursed by the seller but like who in the fuck steals from people who look out for them...even fighting him and ""beating him up"" for sticking up for my girlfriend when I was acting like a cunt to her

​

I am the definition of abusive, cheater, a narcissist, manipulator. but parts of me believe and truly feel genuine, and loving and empathetic...but saying that makes me feel like a hypocrite, fraud a liar amongst other things... I don't know what I'm attempting to gain from this post, that maybe admitting everything or the most painful things I can't admit to the people I hurt the most to a online community Will relieve a fraction of guilt. that maybe someone on here will have some magically answer that I feel like I already know. 

​

"" suck it up , be a better person, don't act like a cunt, be a man. be grateful for what you fucking have "" because I know their are people out there who have it 1million times fucking worse, who have pure hearts and intentions who this world continues to fuck over, while Im a sack of shit with a million opprutunitys who fucks everyone else over.

​

so I do want to physically die, but at the end of writing this I feel like I want to kill myself, to kill the ""me"" who has caused all the pain , to finish him. and let live the best parts of me, but I feel like that is impossible that the only best parts of me are still in diapers, and almost out of them. I am so proud of my sons, my sister and mother 

​

but I am lost. I want to love myself, to love others how my sons love the world but I'm scared I will never be able to.",8.230219861763064,6.514595532479013,8.0036530653082,75.70534519630813,62.74281926646046,10.85513302595486,35.31282151760478,9.479888518862893,3.0594981899132057,9122,316,1776,131,106,2928,683,2263,0.218,0.6459999999999999,0.136,-0.9998,4,0,5,1,11,2,343.0,11,15,20,40,80,165,39,8,105,0,187,63,21,41,26,370,346,148,7,43,73,20,42,22,6,21,22,12,2,41,113,97,1,7,60,5,9,29,57,92,2,13,56,59,298,73,282,240,40,220,1,20,5,21,233,90,17,40,115,1250,411,18,0.018570879545568214,0.22003455528802396,0.01812249955489413,0.020244999869444155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01984662246910208,0.05578815992068225,0.0,0.04098685474541666,0.029702251326233844,0.0,0.2615800229742913,0.2933534673150277,0.05051533965432407,0.13631230499841296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015282251524516663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01744795264903356,0.028559720117117524,0.015505908714392625,0.09056508641845032,0.0,0.0,0.1464611527177906,0.05846697705256565,0.13139547049229094,0.02027459064812749,0.020628060670015148,0.0,0.020731243331467246,0.05688883309449936,0.021240138861369284,0.01893424938094811,0.05723222663251335,0.0,0.015997168350454068,0.07788485551103684,0.040137046725866585,0.020828820524294318,0.014827336190914387,0.0,0.020399239159483537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019273641004541986,0.03880523302978603,0.0,0.0,0.032503003674551154,0.057013372340333324,0.0,0.0,0.06460897322644556,0.0,0.015513586897106826,0.0,0.06579314859317488,0.03837736575918026,0.0,0.08586123555598031,0.03359684750377071,0.10952736880825824,0.01774527124334955,0.016690309078330988,0.01816588366796396,0.01750697246960745,0.0208974025006066,0.27230984603134106,0.21227264092785791,0.0,0.020343490804749148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020362010880322027,0.028695630939694988,0.17168478892711558,0.04851259038886234,0.07125951942795483,0.010554258811833488,0.046729118020231206,0.029705657709446512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032844334901748866,0.0,0.03327172076068855,0.03666979762036198,0.0190590801126316,0.0,0.020930730938269557,0.06601974503039146,0.0,0.0,0.01862810636117009,0.0,0.0,0.021428301621569747,0.07952204258238928,0.0,0.060179210064430576,0.0,0.01842873241525396,0.033013302040947615,0.1027296335622852,0.0,0.040824278911146886,0.0,0.0,0.019663880015432032,0.040354629927840134,0.03797996510185538,0.07870296857514374,0.1996014612813232,0.0372258000995373,0.0163984268730222,0.016434644006329168,0.03118972324549437,0.02077606396447291,0.020272308774106504,0.0,0.1173266069179488,0.07028886100439588,0.1363582693210075,0.037655914088808085,0.07462777839755197,0.0202291320650166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01482309887674696,0.0,0.04095519977633905,0.027540143744557075,0.14323007163951113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01819551898358411,0.053457779350091314,0.0,0.0,0.03955476125617621,0.12584108598217267,0.09886793511200773,0.1778465266276209,0.0,0.0,0.1407731698019487,0.01772800586506579,0.09012296709566604,0.08107687853486886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017785769139404453,0.0,0.0,0.03553964734608595,0.0,0.0,0.04160727047296139,0.0,0.0,0.02113772660580088,0.0,0.019093957148464773,0.0,0.01993817467428467,0.02103718634851849,0.0,0.01766515913646035,0.07384154397580861,0.037185380282488766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356143426705368,0.0,0.07625096393126317,0.015362023466268072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720513792253397,0.014296770365264071,0.0,0.04157715846192295,0.0657228206307282,0.019794086661427568,0.04449218518222151,0.015526086849035324,0.0,0.0388286309425358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558519609751664,0.029853139052626387,0.016231767267476396,0.0,0.021237419228558027,0.0,0.09870133745515064,0.047597879014198916,0.018245794864015227,0.014743203971806222,0.12994595047293706,0.0,0.0,0.0354905424866991,0.0,0.02521681637378341,0.020199784183272826,0.0,0.019332940544179826,0.11169240760614862,0.03207855463947416,0.0,0.0,0.17525737457398433,0.029481399559962356,0.0,0.0,0.033394901968879634,0.0,0.11730131192038452,0.020733723808284348,0.0,0.0,0.020139326686484826,0.013519821487281562,0.0,0.0567759384346787,0.09234554003225262,0.02030434147756743,0.2933534673150277,0.05979518778571589
suicidewatch,BeakerDaBearSlayer7,2019/01/31,Does therapy actually work I started therapy and after an hour we just ended on I have difficulty communicateing with others... No shit it took me an hour to just communicate that. I am worried that nothing is going to change and I need something to change. I honestly called suicide hotline tonight and all they gave me was 15 minutes on hold just for someone to tell me to talk to the people around me. If I felt comfortable talking to the people around me I wouldn't be calling. And from my experience communicating with others is when everything goes downhill. ,4.526310679611656,7.300743621359223,5.726029126213592,72.35525728155342,73.95145631067963,8.391844660194176,32.630097087378644,9.120678840339163,3.460558058252428,455,23,74,11,10,151,70,103,0.136,0.8059999999999999,0.058,-0.8225,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,1,1,6,3,1,0,4,0,7,1,1,0,1,18,13,6,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,1,15,2,16,7,1,13,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,7,58,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.15422307277052089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813760787901837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227505720016646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33436819331435297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830082008767616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399754696165335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203508427482825,0.15459227301283762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174203311329365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981709282684079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112727697235845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718376871694848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516424922490545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912841186471216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222455853251447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390576354947634,0.12166599037548867,0.0,0.0,0.11186067703424918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286879796848673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540512042831486,0.13813287824361573,0.0,0.3614622851801304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558692332890688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505412963381124,0.16049607418196898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MassiveConcert,2019/01/31,"Suicidal but not depressed? It’s been a dream of mine to stop living and existing for a number of years now. I’ve been in and out of therapy, tried meds and the whole nine yards but at the end of the day i never felt this feeling of sadness/emptiness. I wonder if anyone out there has felt the same. I’m a normal person, just like anyone else I just have a strong desire to exit this life. ",3.0551851851851843,4.147725320987654,4.388580246913584,87.64361111111117,73.56790123456791,6.881481481481483,22.141975308641968,7.1686216300943375,0.636027160493827,305,7,64,3,6,101,57,81,0.064,0.6990000000000001,0.237,0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,8,0,4,1,0,0,1,20,9,6,1,3,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,3,4,2,12,5,2,11,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,7,46,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040200032194628,0.22275033060199206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020396976535482,0.0,0.18724490558226287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160845000110165,0.0,0.19255043685169576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992315269276297,0.0,0.4174730736002908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355490457295892,0.10620986693698638,0.0,0.19196675189419715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24148059050797485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767103234423095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300425372230256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898238794071678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181754779596564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23779854183056096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486139932500909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759922917823945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271752680714245,0.0,0.0,0.2357592688174792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999742861934594
suicidewatch,SevenToedCat,2019/01/31,"Not original. Not special. Just want to kill my self. I’m at a friends house. I’m laying on the couch as the two of them watch YouTube on the tv and I have a terrible headache. The ibuprofen isn’t helping. All I have on my mind is how much I want to die. 

My grandma died the beginning of this week. I spoke to her the day before she died on the phone. I feel immense guilt. She was the one who told me I could do it, I could make it as an artist. And I can’t tell how I feel about it either except for the guilt. Just empty. It feels surreal. 

My friends are angry with me. Not these ones, but my two best friends. I don’t know if we will be friends again. I’m extremely anxious. 

My school has been canceled all week due to the intense weather. I can’t bring myself out of bed for anything- the only reason I’m out today is because I was going stir crazy. If I didn’t get invited I would still be in my house, presumably on my phone. But not even doing anything, just looking at the blank screen, maybe checking the weather or my email. It’s been like this for a few months, I can’t get out of bed or stay awake or even eat. 

I was supposed to have a psychiatrist appointment Tuesday for my meds but it was canceled from the weather. I’ve been waiting 2 months for it because my meds are having the opposite effect. Today my group therapy was canceled. I don’t know if I’ll go to my regular therapy on Friday, since I have to go to the funeral.

I know this is all typical depression. I know it’s nothing special or different. But I don’t know what to do. I want to lay in the snow and die of hypothermia or something. But I can’t cause another loss for my family. The only reason I’m still alive is the guilt I feel from my friends who repeatedly tell me how selfish suicide is, yet they’re the friends who are not speaking to me. So I don’t know what my reason is. Emotions are dull and bland. Life is tasteless. 

Tdlr; bad things happen, also just feel bad for no reason. Want to die ",0.9692505208626584,3.0862590823244567,2.6986710963455174,92.82138802860523,82.87409200968523,5.875758770201024,23.648234697899646,7.1213741377187105,0.8442390787769578,1543,58,340,21,43,509,184,413,0.179,0.727,0.094,-0.9879,1,0,1,0,0,3,48.0,1,0,1,3,16,21,1,3,25,0,44,3,0,11,3,68,77,24,8,10,24,0,5,1,6,2,2,2,3,1,18,9,1,1,17,2,1,4,16,11,0,4,11,10,51,10,44,60,7,34,0,3,3,0,25,13,0,8,17,231,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170139415498128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090449024027423,0.0,0.08716399185071312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698515200522045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884359166039144,0.09406681049879337,0.0,0.06565382721464211,0.0,0.08097015849175404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926016864364699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232051139202356,0.0,0.0,0.049759050617020656,0.0,0.06645410076647765,0.0,0.4003772331468056,0.0806112961656877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894955422554914,0.0,0.08678978992126042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192123879260308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273553758220268,0.0,0.19506122857918068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576618652281464,0.0,0.0806213489525918,0.0,0.13154810572640746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682285403645857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171584666366883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805466257792185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536136257422296,0.0,0.2544165655851941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054497360395181264,0.03769438307481121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479136501869485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150203616956467,0.0,0.07751328206140065,0.0,0.17140520266614506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077905273418324,0.0,0.1231699047115152,0.0,0.056718325183294276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740329855381871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456541306307034,0.117360789863228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31731568440542995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808569860778661,0.0,0.0,0.08049023353509714,0.0,0.0,0.06382400138625881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059398235760754765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223772195718339,0.12323330082928785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439582487859411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487498425655195,0.0,0.1764685592702497,0.0,0.05125882596452549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626918476196196,0.07372558822878941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507398368302944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203374936777456,0.0,0.12377931469431325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548092033390472,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway265218,2019/01/31,"I feel like my world is falling apart. Every day feels emptier and emptier, like a tape stuck on repeat. The only emotions I feel are the ones I exaggerate, the fake ones I make so I can trick myself into being happy and content. Everything I do eventually will turn to shit. I stuck myself in a delusion that my world is real, I’m not real, and that killing myself will make no difference.

I don’t know where else to go.",3.073571428571426,4.833003976190478,4.963809523809527,80.84785714285717,74.71428571428572,7.6571428571428575,25.095238095238088,8.418075326091056,1.7594952380952384,330,11,63,6,7,113,55,84,0.276,0.63,0.094,-0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,5,0,9,1,1,2,0,13,20,4,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,3,13,3,5,15,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345456599369293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162007797693193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728658390789251,0.2327715983926685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434984697812048,0.0,0.18597789811267654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138943924303083,0.1478328659212946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117604704667235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202838615613007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894053350520455,0.0,0.11372487993224148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021938711157081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762585619931293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804461026736291,0.15738175348663716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710697622887112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241359184014466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508351325932646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helloimhear,2019/01/31,I don't understand myself I think I'm just a puny version of what I should be. I laugh off comments made about me but I really feel I'm on the edge of ending it all and I think I have been for some time. I'm stressing please someone save me.,-0.4450000000000003,1.4911989444444451,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,87.33333333333334,5.0814814814814815,18.259259259259263,6.42735559955562,-0.2381629629629632,189,5,46,2,6,64,40,54,0.066,0.768,0.16699999999999998,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,12,13,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,10,2,6,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012011686492449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194965949711385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217825492507982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37329484643797056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217857612752525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881402904413458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895491482484456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358063747017361,0.0,0.0,0.19829760889796644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540249652035895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxietywar434,2019/01/31,"Depression has completely destroyed me i just want to honestly die if i had a gun i would put it in my mouth and pull the trigger right now, depression has ruined the person and young kid i once was, Depression has made hate myself in every way before i turned 12 i remember being a happy funny kid but since then it has all gone hill because depression and other mental demons i started smoking and then eventually drinking heavily even getting into hard drugs, i haven't bathed in 3 months as i just have no motivation or desire to anymore i am disgusting i weigh 92 pounds since i dont eat anymore (last time was 9 days ago) i have no job no license no car i just sit in my room at 20 years old rotting away i truly just want to die before i drink myself to death or overdose I hate myself for what i have become what i let myself become a angry hateful depressed person that wants to put a gun in his mouth  ",4.854836065573772,5.553538158469949,5.961871584699455,79.48084016393445,69.05464480874318,8.504371584699454,28.91120218579235,8.59863814320734,2.1617398907103818,725,25,137,11,12,242,114,183,0.332,0.579,0.08900000000000001,-0.9951,1,0,3,2,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,13,5,0,6,0,16,7,2,3,1,23,27,11,3,6,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,6,5,4,0,2,3,0,5,6,11,0,0,5,1,27,2,15,19,1,29,1,6,0,0,5,10,0,3,12,91,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967905711444902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657478141071296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258783704106687,0.0,0.0,0.06656136477723608,0.2411841116489873,0.18582572616561624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448390286604565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041868011738213,0.0,0.4702270246653533,0.0,0.2266444874460955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797016333965874,0.21392975760359834,0.12662602789889274,0.11172888822193804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211913232573416,0.0,0.09199749751122806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057047400544479376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623505473046175,0.09781301955970348,0.3234083074051929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083544777956638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900462964495902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116544315848531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331845752287402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003809322840533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715461822940979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114576802772988,0.11628405588811805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068143455545672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953272568234672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369127131050027,0.09324787947862093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064661128775436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728542309080455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366971462409475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876764052159985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932097207695561,0.08667014046394499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775656229281171,0.0,0.0,0.07031494300554272
suicidewatch,ossur-fo-sorb,2019/02/01,"i dont know what to do... i crashed my car into a telephone pole on purpose trying to take myself out. when the cops showed up they said my car smelled of weed. i was sober at the time. they took my blood and found that i wasnt high at the moment but still had thc in my body. instead of even thinking about what i did, they took my license (understandable) and gave me 6 months probo with drug counseling. i was told my life would get better but it just keeps getting worse.",2.5499226804123722,4.126688567010309,2.8851417525773217,95.9734858247423,75.70103092783505,5.674742268041237,22.434278350515466,5.985473137389443,0.056629896907216086,369,10,84,2,8,113,71,97,0.045,0.914,0.041,-0.0772,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,8,4,2,0,0,14,21,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,2,17,1,13,9,0,17,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860134084315392,0.0,0.2336211962367285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464967333756375,0.0,0.2439076533376302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891621350044467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306080739117111,0.0,0.0,0.21976994503730274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221756605051848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869445518390786,0.0,0.0,0.1155879002308192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855720047266754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678776375015572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006512852519207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679640448955011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813655660505518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347663458469465,0.0,0.0,0.12264090519398925,0.0,0.0,0.20097243079387825,0.4673526977850181,0.14279536260741654,0.0,0.0,0.21895343284839788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433688260465947,0.14940726943732832,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,locolupo,2019/02/01,"alone im feeling overwhelmingly sad and alone. i took around 10 pills last night that are supposed to help me sleep. i dont know what i was thinking or why i stopped there. i was 7 shots in and i just crawled under my blankets and fell asleep. i felt pretty out of it this morning. i just want to love and be loved, but im pretty sure im going to die alone. i want to disappear so badly but i have no one to tell. i guess it probably wouldnt matter if i did.",-0.5428333333333306,1.5221934500000032,1.5839999999999996,98.54866666666668,89.5,4.533333333333334,18.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.4163666666666663,355,10,86,3,12,118,68,100,0.25,0.5660000000000001,0.184,-0.8046,0,3,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,8,5,2,0,1,23,19,9,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,5,2,14,3,10,12,0,11,0,2,0,2,4,4,0,3,3,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614932124039775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322221459526422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401536647549932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414947272821675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407467903620538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510063771326797,0.0,0.1426109663317729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441235522119918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362124820707769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955574187175112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813098624409612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162755894410338,0.12107081786759785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681061306050134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938424250255568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064697711826603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022144282327511,0.16013919681553773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486360927230618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417675003634693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998666166268925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298207414540393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517127499795124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502099185966812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521230080466366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402416416874527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,browns5101,2019/02/01,"Suicide 

Why are humans so fixated on saving others.  When people want to kill themselves why do we feel that it is our duty to try to save them.  Like we can keeping them from stepping off that highway overpass, from starting their car in their garage, from slitting their wrists to the point they can't feel the pain anymore and only feel warmth.  Aren't we at this point because we'd rather not be here?  Because life isn't worth it to us to keep moving forward?  It may be enough for others but obviously it isn't treating us very well, that's why we'd rather be without it.  It's ok to have preferences on everything else from sports teams to tv shows, why not for life itself?  Why do others feel the need to keep us in a life that we deam unsuitable to ourselves, something that isn't meant for ourselves.  Who else is in a place to determine the worthiness of our lives than the people living them?


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suicidewatch,lilyjo2018,2019/02/01,"I want to die but I love my puppy My dad relapsed on heroine. Which sounds like a really stupid reason to die. But I finally had a family, living with my dad, my boyfriend, and my dog. In a house I love (my gram died and left it to us) and that got destroyed by months of my dad lying to my face about using.

And I just feel so absolutely powerless. My mother is schizophrenic and had Munchausen by proxy.

I haven't felt like myself in years and I don't know why and I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to live.

It doesn't make sense, I love my job, I love my boyfriend, my friends, but the single most important reason for me to not die is a dog that I've had only a few months.

I know I should go to therapy and I had a wonderful therapist but it took so long to find one that didn't tell me to suck it up.

My boyfriend left for the night and I just keep thinking about the medicine in my cabinet that would feel so good to take and then I just wouldn't wake up tomorrow.

... But my puppy, my Lily. She'd miss me. And so I'm in bed crying trying to find a stranger who doesn't think I'm insane. ",0.3396269177126925,2.1888961338912125,2.3155073221757334,96.19842137377964,83.47698744769875,5.991701534170152,18.744944211994426,7.1686216300943375,0.06902914923291538,852,21,207,12,24,284,115,239,0.163,0.616,0.221,0.9493,2,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,0,0,0,9,13,4,0,10,0,17,7,2,4,0,44,43,22,5,6,10,4,3,2,1,3,1,1,1,0,10,12,0,1,12,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,8,4,39,8,27,31,3,19,0,1,0,4,13,9,1,2,10,132,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179796467430133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603093728865921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452907570407638,0.0,0.11212989197221446,0.0,0.10646349176080094,0.12146510735116765,0.20268710401952916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566666178515077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301643075396318,0.09300202197726597,0.08868195083246562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279421993893768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003263808796293,0.09855644527546137,0.12267379368221415,0.0,0.12187498861598672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409458388113733,0.0,0.0,0.1083420609242736,0.0,0.19582054030342946,0.0981265121933242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002990171216271,0.0,0.07401416716826137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700888344302454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040546427455923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513607750368878,0.0843302689173034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103343692191258,0.2280090056378569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336898151764206,0.0,0.09691519378684632,0.0,0.1268024957573333,0.12874180228810367,0.0,0.1420965934420135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319326808528028,0.0752811633286958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337662066358927,0.0957658919098686,0.0,0.0,0.1962020925485344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005317869126916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024610237408455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876693505746797,0.0,0.0,0.07140395887002507
suicidewatch,hurtthebear,2019/02/01,"The crushing weight of 43k in student loans, I graduated at the top of my class in international relations. I’ve been searching for employment for 5 months now and I can’t even get an interview. The crushing realization that I’ll need to start paying back my loans in a month or so despite having no money makes me want to kill myself. I have ocd - germaphobia. It’s not good. So the constant obsessing over failure, debt for an unemployable degree, and poverty leads me to the desire to just die. I feel like if someone could reach out an handle at least one of those problems my life might have hope...but so far it just feels like failure and that my life has no meaning. I should have majored in comp sci or even digital art instead :(",4.428418693982074,6.130553429577468,5.067080665813061,81.72663892445584,71.04225352112675,7.980537772087067,29.810499359795127,8.575989854853784,2.282061971830986,585,24,111,10,11,188,98,142,0.224,0.677,0.099,-0.9734,4,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,1,9,0,10,3,0,2,0,22,18,9,2,7,6,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,1,5,1,4,3,0,1,1,3,12,3,18,14,2,17,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,4,8,75,17,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547180102318998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743644477415214,0.0,0.16064975028398454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088241323036925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26579451192694026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203475564701772,0.2874888172603653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051238797212346,0.0,0.0,0.16876533640931393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199846853034816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226089671947825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842410370819594,0.1966020089717294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343091854955607,0.0,0.0,0.21917659199620868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134519305240428,0.0,0.0,0.32120768050614457,0.0,0.0,0.14919460779675253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363450506429419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253072156103476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048451413731802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241741856174192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186788252885473,0.0,0.0,0.24501947898265025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squishyslipper,2019/02/01,Life insurance? I have heard so many times that someone says they are.worth more dead than alive. I have heard of people wanting to commit suicide thinking their loved ones will get their life insurance. But isn't there some clause that nulls and voids life insurance if the person is found to have committed suicide? I apologize but I am very ignorant on this matter and would like to know. ,6.69915492957746,8.367877225352114,5.404338028169018,81.60791549295776,65.47887323943661,9.060281690140846,31.10140845070423,9.3871,2.793465352112676,317,12,55,6,5,93,53,71,0.14300000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.16899999999999998,-0.3847,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,2,15,16,6,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,7,2,6,11,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,2,2,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551204308075372,0.0,0.0,0.12156513452762101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787425176759032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930440162991698,0.11367516939265485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100018136576688,0.0,0.0,0.23589990893464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576692609475341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613102691662768,0.20316626193668927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503561972661184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971480975677195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090259559397269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909125958874125,0.0,0.0,0.13567695196871396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919844807336392,0.1372400581108694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528843200529972,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dayton24,2019/02/01,All i want to do is die I have these feeling that life would be better if I did not exist and all the kids in my class say god made a mistake making me which is making be want to die more can you give me good advice on how to deal with this ,8.248363636363635,3.007881927272728,8.436818181818182,83.5552272727273,66.0909090909091,11.0,31.13636363636364,3.1291,1.340818181818182,186,2,48,0,2,62,44,55,0.159,0.654,0.187,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,4,2,15,16,3,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,7,2,6,11,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549316220390369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307296083290449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26895867900436005,0.0,0.0,0.5415102512610278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191016640607364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502625234450928,0.0,0.218816088722576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426921461488727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685358344054084,0.34828254752948884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746444858249335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30775083220699434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532363365340004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lomevo,2019/02/01,"Why Help People You Don’t Know? The majority of the time, when someone posts about suicidal ideation, others will speak out against it. I’m wondering why strangers care so much about someone’s life they have never met. They will never know if there words were effective. I don’t want to encourage suicide, but I wonder how people are so genuine and kind? When I want to end myself, I try to see it as a good thing because I feel like I contribute nothing, and the world could do with less people. Thank you.",4.89061224489796,6.205207653061228,4.9210204081632645,84.71683673469387,69.40816326530611,8.048979591836735,29.306122448979593,8.418075326091056,2.033044897959184,402,15,78,6,7,125,70,98,0.052000000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.244,0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,2,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,2,2,19,21,10,2,4,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,11,6,10,16,3,9,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,3,7,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076149073162424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852791899903627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319735502727795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640113523537682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357744914007678,0.11808583521139507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864049318187785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079286682833178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212792755036047,0.18168216312959853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167518117227432,0.08075414082155159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150987084531935,0.0,0.25496934603362664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860374018392387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437814677157882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830565028245247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317176591831261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801055906711202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36160890674193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152180209019177,0.0,0.0,0.10981377363495763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963840717727435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122235558894319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498898551470611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983036657324059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585078814827665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QWidner94,2019/02/01,"I’ve been dealing with this since 14. I have considered suicide as a way out for a long time, never had the chance to really go through with it. I seeked therapy, and always leave when it gets way to real. I’m a 24 year old man, but yet I’m not a “man” I can’t drive a stick shift, I can’t do shit other men do. I’m in college but I’m sure I’m to fucking stupid to even get to be a certified electrician. I have a wife and daughter, my with told me she would be better off if I just shot myself tonight. I’m literally on the brink of it all. I’ve lost all my friends and family, what family I do have constantly taunts me and says I have a mental disorder & that’s why I’m so stupid. I can’t stand myself. The only one who even comes close to understanding me and bringing m comfort I’m my daughter, and my dog Roman. I’m so lost right now.",0.2469892473118307,1.9470014408602199,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021505,82.9784946236559,6.498924731182799,20.548387096774192,7.594959193182576,0.5618193548387098,652,19,157,11,18,228,109,186,0.161,0.7609999999999999,0.077,-0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,4,0,11,0,15,2,1,0,4,24,34,13,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,8,12,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,5,1,19,4,17,26,2,24,0,2,0,1,12,7,2,1,10,92,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105706814001367,0.17065698020311634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393006819533657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356769119782888,0.0,0.17020732783434428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238109913120932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805147759653336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080615955393702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969640514782523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216882421899357,0.14561115745596426,0.16458008847151068,0.0,0.08951391974121252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677542297225842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938727776018825,0.0,0.0,0.3438713893466113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872834647958245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214778353065613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652753688790649,0.0,0.10672970098217968,0.11978991563471908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927556985639742,0.1009019599411487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450870774038573,0.0,0.12525457559571598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167697768317876,0.1302900525880944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228528802355905,0.0,0.14844692775219814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012109369576634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184263582368793,0.0,0.0,0.15050311103630146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396862338575832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004083006854383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212407938798088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188728112075848,0.0,0.0,0.10142828095820527
suicidewatch,ElectricalWeb,2019/02/01,"Probably going to get fired from my job I suck at work and I'm probably going to get fired, So i can go back to washing dishes, socially divorced from the rest of the human species, talent-less, out of shape and forced to spend a majority of my mental energy dwelling on my defects.",6.65922619047619,6.028569803571433,7.704285714285718,73.07404761904766,65.25,11.038095238095238,34.73809523809524,10.504223727775694,3.6057095238095247,223,9,42,5,3,76,40,56,0.251,0.698,0.051,-0.9274,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,12,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,26,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484676469676744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919572894794465,0.0,0.47638037421852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277268371023474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815765760738139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6024960864724256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848202876780626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341165066805608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cromanomaly,2019/02/01,"Someone explain to me why someone would deceive and ruin another's life? It's been a little over a year since I told the person I thought was my (only) friend, I didn't like how she lied to me so frequently. Her response was a sheepish non-apology followed by spreading gossip, rumors, turning coworkers against me, lying to my boss, and talking to HR at our place of work. 

​

I had no friends outside of her. She knew I had no friends, and my family wasn't apart of my life. Then she went after my livelihood. This was alongside of knowing I was depressed.

​

My parents and sister didn't want me apart of their lives until I was hospitalized.

​

Her response was all because (I believe) she felt cognitive dissonance over the way she acted and how she saw herself. This all resulted in me quitting my job and drinking too much. 

​

If I survive to tomorrow I'll pass the supposed expiration date given to me due to my liver. Living isn't quite fun with a non functioning liver. It won't be long until I succumb to the toxins flooding me. Nephropathy sucks. Jaundice sucks. Knowing someone that purposefully deceived me just so they can feel good about themselves, sucks. Being used sucks.

​

I am thankful that my parents agreed to not have an obituary for me. Anyways, if my condition continues to worsen and I don't die because of it in a timely manner, I'll put myself out of misery. Why pay to get euthanized in Switzerland when you can do it yourself for free?

​

Congratulations KS, you got what you wanted.",4.7056747404844295,7.051278695501733,5.209749480968863,78.30090795847754,71.73356401384083,7.115349480968858,34.05134948096886,7.976525956113202,2.8832299238754318,1249,65,203,18,25,399,169,289,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.097,-0.9389,4,0,1,0,0,0,60.0,1,3,2,4,9,15,4,0,10,0,23,5,2,5,2,30,46,17,1,5,4,3,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,7,1,2,5,9,7,0,0,20,3,48,9,34,22,3,30,0,2,1,0,28,11,4,2,14,148,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517724067137876,0.5066480247223227,0.0,0.07286924194245167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472431075993753,0.0,0.0,0.07829456902432473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985403198807807,0.0,0.07212253704034974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807647095528052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551161091493267,0.0,0.03513763900301415,0.0,0.0667239694018144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106985479728303,0.0,0.0363071107988315,0.0,0.0,0.058287249141332126,0.05557972668352136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896086400657916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638283205599038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816961526035536,0.03395066345504934,0.06965002476446551,0.12272680074037892,0.06149892595862454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108519129256814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052852392776362944,0.0,0.0,0.15432702274337134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067841747046149,0.07260516723048342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985944073914319,0.0,0.14782825706532055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748514804232083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664302803556758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055855666466610214,0.0,0.06397961774302326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516950711593345,0.040521800490884864,0.0,0.0,0.06640333200343039,0.0,0.0,0.07558819232037398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001945207553527,0.0,0.0,0.08197728757067695,0.05516013635575298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442050586453812,0.12541285511374792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059157352601901,0.0,0.0,0.049365679048526984,0.0,0.5066480247223227,0.04475107370624647
suicidewatch,HistoricalEmploy,2019/02/01,How to hang myself without a proper rope or a place to attach the rope to? Any other method works aswell. No need to try and talk me out of it since my rational part of my brain doesn't interact with my acting part of my brain anyways. Thanks!,2.8122000000000007,4.2932444200000015,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,74.8,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.3452000000000002,191,4,41,2,4,61,38,50,0.044,0.893,0.063,0.2481,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,1,0,7,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,10,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066349592709462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603155771810178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186085939120415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435371050353262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622029971271095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759924784890207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017146122339407,0.0,0.2310530802031429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038745331421698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191944729607975,0.0,0.18270410652438066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tacos4rmTejas,2019/02/01,"I don’t think I can ever get over my wife’s emotional affair. All I think about is about ending it My wife had an emotional affair about half a year ago. We did counseling and it didn’t help me at all. All I think about is just wishing I could disappear, but then I think about my 2 year old daughter and get so emotionally torn. ",3.1495652173913062,4.125935260869569,4.499246376811595,87.38452173913046,73.20289855072464,8.418550724637681,23.94492753623189,8.841846274778883,1.4016353623188411,259,7,58,5,5,86,43,69,0.07,0.835,0.095,-0.1198,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,4,15,15,5,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,11,0,7,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718526302188413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478813405024022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.654227533699044,0.1717098501865103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753650577595232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257646410788066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994589512055754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034322629340564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968921445155811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229390805867442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24968977362787906
suicidewatch,vogueraven,2019/02/01,"teen missing the psych ward i was in the adolescent psych ward at my local children's hospital for 5 days in december of 2018, and i still want to die terribly. the problem is, i can't tell my mom that i want to go back because she will tease me and use it against me. when i was in the psych ward, i didn't have to worry about my future, my schoolwork, or my failing grades and i felt like i had real friends there. presently, my mom isolates me at home and i never interact with other kids because i am homeschooled, and i am incredibly lonely. part of my depression is related to my lack of sugar/junk food intake because my mom has me on a strict healthy eating rule. in the psych ward, i could eat as much junk food as i wanted which made me a lot happier. how can i get back in the psych ward without my mom knowing i want to be there? i have tried throwing temper tantrums and my mom says i am a ""danger to self and others,"" but she doesn't call the police and only calls the access crisis line. i miss the psych ward so much. ",4.563011917659806,4.615371657276995,5.425352112676059,85.3482773564464,69.51643192488262,8.243986998916576,29.060671722643555,7.882392219407189,1.6856344528710716,805,27,172,9,13,264,121,213,0.155,0.782,0.062,-0.9541,0,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,4,0,12,0,18,4,0,3,1,27,30,15,1,7,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,5,9,4,0,2,0,0,2,5,11,0,0,6,2,36,2,24,21,5,19,0,5,0,0,17,9,0,2,9,119,41,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709427144619224,0.0,0.20327722458889144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700342794830966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874824705285736,0.0,0.0,0.07168579901860195,0.0,0.0957376648556498,0.0,0.11536137249840618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274786920828033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672626067533633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688182080925642,0.0,0.08587810079919071,0.0,0.058073915659146026,0.0,0.06317196537745945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149755857569688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108789778404874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430473322388522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450003195313254,0.0,0.10517757743471964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6509171412361539,0.0,0.0,0.1634234740954063,0.0,0.08572961197879124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453840950013967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037006600641005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063603523326921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651875959330258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839494165573861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159589387781368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876855090785679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715439597580487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075466969272552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600225743809312,0.0,0.0,0.2622484675645561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714948278414507,0.0,0.0,0.11288332902277627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nobody092183091238,2019/02/01,"maybe it's stupid i wanted to graduate summa cumlaude but i failed a test today, is it possible to fix this without looking to my death?",2.0844444444444434,4.648896703703707,4.0903703703703735,81.7666666666667,81.96296296296295,6.562962962962962,27.51851851851852,7.793537801064563,2.163874074074074,109,5,19,2,3,37,23,27,0.375,0.625,0.0,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,13,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696430911672861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44222326816900026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962405080496355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172422789852471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596315025685139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243209727483128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AustinTheGeek,2019/02/01,would it be worth it to try and talk to my college's counseling center? I don't even want help or guidance. I don't care if I get sent to a ward either. I just want to talk face to face with someone who might even slightly care. Has anyone else had experience with counseling at a university?,2.703500000000002,4.3710156833333365,4.233333333333333,86.08500000000002,75.5,7.466666666666668,25.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.480233333333333,231,8,49,4,5,77,42,60,0.18,0.7859999999999999,0.033,-0.752,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,2,0,0,11,13,3,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,8,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,0,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716003202077536,0.2514573228926128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004351978394652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501327440699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241894285075118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006358542138945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821954163856905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449692893542106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034720908547376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793987357703606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945115871073964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662110861909266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895050034502787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174336227835638,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayfmlkms,2019/02/01,"I Want Help I’ve been depressed for as long as I could remember, I don’t know when it exactly started but I remember wanting to die as early as 4th grade. 

To cut things short, I had to drop out of college after a year and a half because my grades weren’t the best and I didn’t have the money to continue. I couldn’t get a loan, and my parents wanted me to do this all on my own, and I’ve been back home since unsure of what my future holds. If I even have a future. 

I want to get a job but my anxiety holds me back from following through, and a lot of rejections have me not wanting to get back out there, and I know that I need to get out there but it just feels like there is a giant wall that I can’t get past to do what I need to do. 

Killing myself seems like it would be the golden way out. I won’t have to worry about my loans, I’ll stop disappointing my family, and my significant other can move on and start a relationship with someone more worthwhile. 

I love my SO dearly, and they are a main reason that I didn’t just go ahead and kill myself when I realized that I had to drop out of school. I would want a future with them, but at this point I just feel like I’m holding them back. Every time I get close to ending it I can’t because there’s no real reason to it except to save them some heart break when I do eventually work up the courage to do it. 

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I guess I just want to be heard, or to have it out there so it’s not just stuck rattling inside my head. If you have painless suggestions on how I should do it, hmu. ",3.4965616246498605,3.3835668382352964,4.884285714285717,88.88166666666667,71.79411764705883,8.123249299719888,25.014005602240896,7.793537801064563,0.9841064425770308,1215,30,290,14,21,408,159,340,0.14,0.711,0.149,0.0145,3,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,4,3,22,14,3,0,14,0,34,3,2,3,2,72,65,27,3,16,15,1,2,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,20,19,0,4,11,0,3,3,12,6,0,1,9,3,47,8,46,48,7,45,0,3,0,1,12,16,0,7,25,210,67,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778664358949995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127494977548805,0.0,0.12396911268451705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106709248978695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118500334973285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757877366718407,0.0,0.10553012283312864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006029336880121,0.0,0.0,0.0671601677032935,0.0,0.08567168186704202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585697661995964,0.0,0.10282720248678136,0.14528364065947927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187486757577423,0.0,0.0577883664307613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201446307796582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043553247099742,0.0,0.0,0.12049395684719875,0.06815546937998718,0.0,0.101995588274141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090394414746576,0.0,0.22499269019020274,0.0,0.16764571755222493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903043480041986,0.0,0.0,0.08998559225513984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864466134874257,0.09177220133910606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807214069358252,0.0,0.15079220119956746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129061062942611,0.0,0.0970672140300808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612259366843716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157366625536703,0.0,0.20909257807314516,0.0,0.10916868390097097,0.2303723369029651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029078664241742,0.0,0.09256770226249077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841126086647892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615504118026351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439424410253562,0.0,0.0,0.08501091474674677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755316926743063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929173818206376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419823782364604,0.08071063781156347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917524157365874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402588965409136,0.10326326151980066,0.0,0.1444643072058685,0.0,0.0,0.06548003576874288
suicidewatch,weakleatherbuckle,2019/02/01,"I hung myself, but woke up on the floor. I tried to hang myself with a belt two days ago.  I blacked out and woke up on the floor.  The leather around my belt buckle broke.   I don't know how long I was unconscious, but I must have hit my head and hip very hard when I fell.   I have some broken blood vessels in my left eye.  I have no one to talk to about this.  I don't know how I feel about it.   I'm not feeling any relief that it didn't work.   ",0.06689342403628018,1.5214890000000023,1.5403401360544215,103.41339002267576,82.46938775510203,4.763718820861679,15.990929705215422,5.033348758259628,-1.198255328798186,334,5,90,1,9,107,64,98,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,8,4,4,2,1,16,16,7,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,6,16,1,13,10,1,16,0,1,2,0,1,10,0,1,4,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533927529826714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439085178658014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544710958209163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843524943117903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890732325973574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25606947051466017,0.0,0.29336917005533697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141962978143199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105817337420822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529722234126223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937023966281804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229759006616776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407643095302596,0.0,0.27923829501593633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358598867657357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081054691821878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lesbian-fucko,2019/02/01,I think i might be omitted to a psych ward I’m going to talk to a new psychologist in the end of February and I don’t want to tell them the truth because I think they will put me in a psych ward. I want to die before that. I think February 22nd is my deadline. ,0.773793103448277,2.1266701724137924,3.1753793103448267,92.95755172413791,80.0344827586207,6.708965517241379,21.944827586206888,7.554174236665415,0.5881406896551717,202,6,50,3,5,70,38,58,0.075,0.83,0.095,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,12,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,10,1,8,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,30,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700822826290327,0.0,0.2374174852275166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895689706718763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471205921976261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585681636192658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959861732832829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26947019282285034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28048273364578435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425816545914348,0.24386757741938606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363362128511956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291353820101032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kwadalo,2019/02/01,"how do i tell my therapist about me being suicidal all the time/hopeless without being locked up in the hospital? to my understanding, not being able to get out of bed/leave the house for weeks, not taking my meds, not doing anything, gets you thrown in the hospital. right now the only thing keeping me from dying is.... its gonna hurt! it's gonna fucking hurt! organ failure is not fun. i can imagine how i'm going to feel, laying in bed dying of overdose, and it doesnt feel good.

that's the hurdle i'm trying to get past before i die. 

how can i tell her how i've been without her going crazy and throwing me in the hospital? i've been in a psych ward before for 10 days and let me tell you im never going back lol. they don't treat you. the regimen they use is from the 1960s. it's prison. it's torture. im not doing that lol.",1.4253785714285705,3.199123234285718,3.509910714285713,89.3791517857143,79.51428571428572,5.9750000000000005,21.223214285714285,6.9077264865688965,0.4831785714285712,646,18,138,7,16,220,96,175,0.214,0.775,0.011,-0.989,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,2,0,7,7,2,0,10,2,16,1,0,5,2,23,33,7,4,0,7,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,2,2,18,3,20,25,1,18,0,2,0,1,10,8,1,0,6,88,26,1,0.13105352140894766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784588163586023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077206851237733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303378834213394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451867952145105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080385936195295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325291962841827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115686877426228,0.2054101677046578,0.0,0.22344220903887294,0.10992147596561658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121816812332642,0.2805910103633577,0.0,0.28312058403769397,0.0,0.0,0.11648639137385032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876675653740822,0.0,0.13401110478838105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557091838377895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107655490390204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967210852935324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510541519988422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191899121896584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335128157413973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853593828755187,0.0,0.3436396623875985,0.0,0.0,0.15216323930506834,0.08706613632334137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641836223805898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889767384575971,0.0,0.0,0.13643133763738274,0.0,0.11318816475269408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512322984770699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526618359648162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foureeees,2019/02/01,"I tried to kill myself today. Back in December I tried to kill myself twice. Once with pills, and once with a train. The pills didn't work so about a week later I walked a couple miles to some railroad tracks outside of town by a cemetery. I waited in the cold for a few hours there but a train never came. I ended up calling the suicide hotline while I was there and they had a sheriff come pick me up and take me to the hospital where I spent 5 days in the psych ward till they kicked me out on Christmas Eve. 

After that I put in my 2 weeks notice at my job of 5 years to move back home to my dad's house to get away from the all the drugs and violence in the town that I moved to after high school. I had fallen in with a bad crowd in that town and used weed to self medicate and became a stoner but I stopped smoking when I went into the hospital. Luckily I was able to pass a drug test and got a job at a Walgreens about a mile from my dad's house but I hated that job. I worked there for 2 days until I just stopped going to work. I stopped taking my meds and waited for the cold chill here in the midwest to stop so I could go down to the tracks again to kill myself. 

I waited on an old railroad tie while drinking the tall boys I brought with me waiting for a train. I ended up missing the first train that went by because I couldn't get to the tracks fast enough so I walked a little further down and waited under a bridge for another train to come, but it never did so I just walked home.

I don't even know what to do anymore, I guess tomorrow I'll check myself into the hospital again. I don't really want to kill myself but I hate my life and don't want to live anymore. I just don't know anymore. ",2.357252747252748,3.5042429670329724,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076928,75.37362637362638,6.2989010989011005,22.065934065934066,6.5431188927421005,0.2750560439560439,1336,33,304,10,28,434,165,364,0.183,0.805,0.012,-0.9963,3,0,3,0,0,7,19.0,0,0,2,4,20,8,6,0,33,0,13,7,0,2,3,50,41,24,5,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,2,7,20,1,9,2,1,2,16,8,8,0,2,12,2,46,0,62,27,4,80,0,1,0,0,8,32,0,2,32,204,53,9,0.08523124644369744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937239334549403,0.0,0.0,0.25357948245910666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007756167491965,0.1310751350086681,0.07116453066894504,0.051956176744249585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703063204364578,0.09748184006846024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468383438418506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805021495564878,0.09430675306573492,0.0,0.10993420590218267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349417364041442,0.19768237348964834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509791727497879,0.08806666132464344,0.0,0.056294434441032534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249765468460663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905961695372702,0.0,0.09687776301759664,0.0,0.06816721380356379,0.0,0.09389182701342144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682964207673963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005149138791269,0.1709877790281814,0.0,0.08393560921986544,0.1966908300596606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25373658209489075,0.0,0.3771829845208319,0.0,0.09368172811159486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020134995059553,0.0,0.08542409998843169,0.07526075211860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467270078983267,0.08586151401012489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117465298939614,0.0,0.0,0.13147118319410853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703633898504736,0.08943585570379264,0.18153699163114234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568094370414515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054601318942628735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625857168010193,0.0,0.0,0.08891477828493136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28502855371805497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322915001833126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816658033232986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078925580055975,0.0,0.0,0.11573284321863482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361243147708382,0.0,0.0,0.1005431948358858,0.0,0.13673472965520234,0.0,0.0,0.15802043869725205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861480875307729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488612829355985
suicidewatch,Wh7am1h3re,2019/02/01,"My mom called me this morning because she was thinking about how worried she is that I might kill myself I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, disordered eating, self harm, and panic attacks most of my life. Caused by a bad cocktail of family history of mental illness being passed on and also various cases of trauma from childhood on. 
My mom has always been an amazing support system. Caring. Understanding. Always there for me. 
Within the past year I’ve moved out and I think she worries about me a lot more than I thought.
I function pretty well in my day to day life. I can’t afford any medical help or therapy but I have a good support system and have learned some good coping mechanisms. 
I haven’t tried to actively kill myself in a while. And my depression has been on the downward spiral lately but I’m still functioning. 
But this morning my mom called me out of the blue because she had read an article about a young woman who committed suicide because even though she had a good life she just couldn’t find any joy. My mom was tearing up and just so concerned because the article struck a chord with her that reminded her of me. 
I was touched by her reaching out and caring so much to take time out of her busy day to call and check up on me. But it also. Hurt. 
She didn’t have any bad intentions and I’m not even entirely personally sure why it made me feel so bad but it was like a little reminder in the back of my brain. Oh yeah. I do want to die still regardless of how hard I fight to ignore it. 
And I don’t know what to do. Before death was never so quickly accessible to me but I’m more on my own now and it seems like it would be so easy sometimes. ",3.4964726103348838,5.203583482035931,4.567378576180975,84.34973275670883,73.46107784431138,7.582878687070304,27.340430250609888,8.285830014693849,1.8737750277223328,1329,50,259,22,27,434,175,334,0.194,0.65,0.156,-0.954,1,0,0,0,1,4,25.0,0,0,0,0,24,28,4,2,15,1,27,7,1,5,3,53,44,29,5,4,10,4,3,2,0,2,5,0,0,3,12,17,2,1,9,2,1,2,7,15,1,0,13,4,41,13,42,26,8,37,0,3,1,0,24,17,0,6,18,187,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608703927657992,0.14159731091813602,0.0,0.0,0.17358489772632255,0.0,0.06509082130380711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679800130316887,0.0,0.0654261475101307,0.2131306329332888,0.2074713855381891,0.0,0.07240221299031603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498450115833172,0.260648015488716,0.0,0.17350239959095806,0.0874071147904973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462096120571534,0.0,0.14656948914933615,0.0,0.08830619307537793,0.0,0.09751632331029172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706457312596554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239745727501434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021183390840167,0.0,0.04302221276932012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776737818392182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409916876443968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622065277523425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703158374722156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910866924985014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882708690854245,0.0,0.04676123020607862,0.0,0.09598110365900987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802970060759208,0.08313778092474672,0.08527887102910378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233736810298437,0.0,0.08051075727518052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571554140605066,0.08574702359425415,0.0902631663363314,0.0,0.3986083972838793,0.0,0.09043331956741522,0.06254825399514623,0.0,0.06562383494337297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983049339500552,0.0,0.0,0.0812245443605083,0.0,0.07429411482928297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656340231775952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851093709268747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745941319012167,0.08876361484603132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415257120676173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590013061952805,0.0,0.0,0.08895072238961323,0.0,0.09307065174397987,0.19310995277652845,0.08019287354007444,0.0,0.06397434257944874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973036512601764,0.0,0.0,0.10903978893286988,0.08359690230277568,0.06754905397362089,0.049614532221850284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057768043280584776,0.0,0.0,0.08857788624405873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050186131000646735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650284293201927,0.0,0.07677719234705473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281862779180118,0.0,0.06044289849256838,0.0,0.0,0.05479281674219798
suicidewatch,kommorrebi,2019/02/01,Is there anyone willing to talk to me while I wait for someone at the suicide prevention hotline? It’s been almost an hour. I just want someone to talk to. I want to die. I logically know suicide isn’t the best solution but it’s what I want right now. ,0.8375641025641016,3.1739425000000066,2.9938461538461536,89.03448717948721,85.53846153846153,5.7743589743589725,25.974358974358967,7.1686216300943375,1.356951282051282,198,9,41,3,6,67,35,52,0.153,0.693,0.154,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,9,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,7,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294612658123381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602274559203342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24047945983120664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378221867150285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566722210255766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593519926288438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569339500851024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883171883048616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013072163093345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683652096731652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054769547302085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waitingforsomeone792,2019/02/01,"Regrets... I was severely suicidal in October. Got to the point where I had to drop out. I'm back at a different school, but every day I regret not going thru with it. I'm nothing to the people I love, parents are abusive and enabling, my whole life has been turned upside from my severe depression and anxiety. I've tried getting help, I'm on my fourth try of medication and it does nothing. ",2.91,5.028847272727276,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,76.27272727272728,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.6608233766233766,308,14,57,7,7,105,59,77,0.281,0.619,0.1,-0.9428,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,9,13,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,7,1,11,9,1,10,0,3,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,36,9,1,0.0,0.223087062332965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440375909449352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477962458304405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214283171121702,0.0,0.1621696861417956,0.0,0.0,0.19671786162017185,0.0,0.0,0.16476956533626427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863832271065273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837119684994117,0.0,0.10700676493070332,0.0,0.1505887996636342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620353785954833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329913388174391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993465955873582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967743597892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613292751054484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906832848349535,0.0,0.0,0.13053318538850753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779902845589481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905545796170857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42541715374250216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595334636058446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25566645560981754,0.2048001282029312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021359711244247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fish_eat_apples,2019/02/01,"Track me down and ruin my life right now Find my address, find my phone number, hack yourself into my stuff and reveal all my fucking info to the world. Blackmail me, threaten me, just fuck it all up. Come to my address and kill me, rape, do whatever I don’t care. Beat the shit out of me and tell my secrets to everyone I know. Try to make my life more miserable than it already is. I want REAL problems, not the ones that are only inside my head. ",4.06168498168498,4.604742879120884,5.1074175824175825,85.45841575091575,70.75824175824175,7.3853479853479875,28.353479853479854,7.1686216300943375,1.4577897435897431,346,12,71,3,6,114,63,91,0.262,0.685,0.052000000000000005,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,5,1,3,0,4,7,2,1,2,21,11,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,17,1,10,11,3,8,0,2,0,3,3,6,3,0,1,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227118558373856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983895690473248,0.0,0.0,0.17728873495594544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966620980202574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762167107268167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805395851723079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122239439935406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22770038268964546,0.0,0.11310884221957435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907420744782145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738104678107746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394634753508016,0.15652923031412455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693420050146426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342590093252783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757622449401559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126296601987926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356053946531678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988867916543064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973277571957085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139319577236313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whitekracker,2019/02/01,"Depressed I’ve been through a lot through out my life and I’m only 16. I’ve realized a lot of things and get overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions. I feel right now that I really have no reason to live, and I think about dying a lot. I’ve never been so depressed and I know it’s “the depression talking” but in reality what’s the point of keep going when I’ll always end up being let down. No matter what it is, no matter how happy something or someone makes me, I always end up being broken by it. I can’t do this anymore & ive had therapy, it didn’t help. I feel like I’m broken and can’t be fixed and I really just wanna die ",0.5494994786235665,2.506232693430661,3.127158498435872,90.07184306569343,83.37956204379563,5.666110531803963,20.73461939520334,6.868970318607317,0.4508794577685094,497,15,108,6,14,173,86,137,0.202,0.6920000000000001,0.106,-0.941,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,0,14,1,0,3,1,29,25,12,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,2,12,2,14,16,3,13,0,4,0,0,2,7,0,4,6,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24842718514963094,0.1617456952901742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804645059175636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857260287863836,0.0,0.30985982480527685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792081862724104,0.2644369775755453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096172586737713,0.10664624050756544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799306189837515,0.0,0.0848397245132249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891219813399932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005978025344696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326876429866191,0.0,0.0,0.08204082915773872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264974233200293,0.10544145087671072,0.07293106331186745,0.0,0.13181769020081302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38073961904573306,0.0,0.0,0.09964609987429593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151345635591308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353478287280233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411186172929414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912662189076327,0.1534855353866066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274849961024579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648514589725893,0.11492366075558938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998626043925067,0.0,0.0,0.17071561621196624,0.0,0.09917553695709416,0.0956531153672962,0.0,0.1185122883293244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alchemystique,2019/02/01,"I feel better now that i wrote this Hello. This will be my first post on this sub. First i want to say that i dont think im really suicidal, so i understand if this is not the right place for my sharing. I will post this and let the mods decide.

Years ago i lost my mother. I was 15 at the time(now 24). When i was 17 i visited my mothers grave at night and i suddenly was filled with an uncontrollable urge to cut my throat with my swiss army knife. I punctured my skin only and gave up. After that i started listening to spiritual people like echart tolle and actually mediteted and shit. This helped insanely much and i think it saved my life. My basic rule is I can always stand 10 more seconds, and 10 more and so on.

However, i never stopped thinking about suicide, not that i want to, I just think about it all the time. Sometimes when the train goes by i daydream about jumping in front of it, or i daydream about lying down in the snow to freeze. Everyday for years now i have thought about this, and i cannot get myself to meditate anymore, not for many years. Again, no real danger of actually doing it.

I have been advised by my friends to seek professional help last year, and recently i finally did. I have 2 very good friends who always keep inviting me to hang out and parties, even though i mostly dont answer them for months and this has been going on for maybe 5 years. Very few people have friends like this. When they saw my memoair i wrote incase i would spontanuesly decide to die, he urged me to seek more help than him.

I also have the great fortune of living in norway where help is so accesible and cost almost nothing. I called the local doctor office and she made time at the end of the day. I talked to her for more than an hour, and she said i will need a psykologist. She made time again at the end of the day next week so i would feel progress or something, and we would have plenty of time.  Next week she said i should consider antianxiety and depression pills, and that i may have suffered from some mild disassoiation. Now i will go to the psykologist in two weeks. They said i need two of them, one for my addiction to weed, and another for my mind. She talked to me way past the end of her day, she is a very kind person.

 I see so many people on this sub having problems with getting therapy and stuff. I really cant imagine how it must feel to have to pay money for something like this. I would never have been able to afford. I do feel like i am leeching on society but my doctor explained that its an investment for them to help me so i can contribute back to society later.

I guess the point i am getting at is that seeking help was the best decition of my life. I was so full of pride i could not do it earlier. I wish i had. i now feel like things will change for me and i am not that worried about my hope being shattered and leaving me worse off. Again, i realize that i am much more fortunate than most of you and i am so sorry for complaining here of all places.

The reason got on this reddit, and read ur posts, and wrote this was because i really wanted to lay down in the snow and die tonight, but now that i wrote this i feel calmer again. I will survive until i meet the psykologist atleast.

I hope you the reader realize that you should probably also seek help. I am glad i did.",3.5827611940298496,4.852401753731343,4.430029850746268,87.16832835820897,72.50746268656717,7.807761194029852,25.638805970149257,8.302211771458257,1.4575098507462694,2605,82,549,41,50,840,297,670,0.07200000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.132,0.9882,2,0,2,0,0,1,64.0,1,3,5,8,35,29,3,1,25,0,61,9,3,4,5,101,105,47,5,18,11,2,8,5,3,14,6,5,0,1,35,31,0,2,20,1,4,7,12,10,0,6,26,15,103,19,82,61,15,93,0,4,2,0,54,28,1,11,58,395,138,6,0.062213084362891025,0.0,0.1214219919857422,0.06782144495170217,0.0,0.0,0.05514814556499033,0.0,0.0622974173280182,0.0,0.0,0.09950356217607133,0.10353253995240667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523584341324452,0.0,0.0,0.061698662533534676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783802169054519,0.0,0.03792451878664621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528879379656734,0.05502241742630221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352651497433827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581319409533726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967208553902015,0.0,0.0,0.12036687796202593,0.0,0.053584038400032515,0.0,0.12913471877876614,0.0,0.0,0.12735545607904553,0.0,0.0,0.14582654306886644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530698077131006,0.0,0.0,0.04109115547611676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874082848744586,0.08889007979922275,0.0,0.06815139296800772,0.0,0.10583683555501244,0.0,0.0,0.14419702395762374,0.0,0.09751130648773984,0.0,0.07071425908904545,0.0521813834837978,0.04975748683841926,0.06859014514156894,0.06853472639087403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919008333703729,0.0,0.0,0.12358326061635948,0.061267356225931185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720080693079895,0.0,0.0,0.05529784790029538,0.0,0.06478535375659479,0.0,0.05071196722551489,0.0,0.06587467348006044,0.0,0.06361709382648116,0.08788588268999267,0.15197085257717485,0.0,0.05493529328897568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791293072034595,0.0,0.0,0.11773504934723335,0.0,0.12614860562852862,0.06250140524940842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281748024974095,0.0,0.04965789039101312,0.0,0.09146755067191503,0.09226042751190816,0.09596513195131152,0.0,0.13232864202397698,0.058382765244658935,0.0,0.059695132342357876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215719605157337,0.047315854086928164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938942858160781,0.1293921580181256,0.054322065595147136,0.12999886355839566,0.0,0.05881147376890265,0.0,0.17874881260420397,0.0,0.06707622731442077,0.05952951967471797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222992010706506,0.07081211018248408,0.11956588469981501,0.06396541229962079,0.061427915365933936,0.0,0.0,0.05312963411939113,0.17753666964623185,0.04947434173573547,0.0,0.0,0.04957577348203854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386083707246254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578934359770944,0.06153033121934728,0.06964245448401989,0.04403474132104217,0.0,0.0,0.052012924244889486,0.0,0.0,0.07121909724548409,0.13610203340162372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000904124228087,0.0,0.0,0.07114608389303073,0.0,0.041331608841952014,0.1594545296219804,0.06112403951345813,0.04939023971517695,0.18138474898186654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154628701564868,0.06476601488403087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539969302419842,0.11008466712800424,0.049381850586547364,0.14971075092153438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154197670798834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631804070654956,0.06340044797827762,0.17677756060322433,0.0,0.0,0.2003159329680435
suicidewatch,SeriouslyBailey,2019/02/01,"Overwhelming Guilt I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting here, I never imagined myself to be the type to talk to strangers about this kind of thing. I suppose I can't talk to anybody in real life about this because I can't let them know what I plan to do. I haven't spoken to my friends or family in weeks.

I plan to end my life this weekend. I'm looking forward to it, if anything. For half a decade now I have been miserable and all I would like is for it to stop, to have no more worries, and I am certain the only way to achieve this is to end my life. I'm unemployed and terrified of starting work. I've lost all motivation and hope. I have no desire for relationships or even sex anymore. My appearance has suffered as a result. I have nothing going for me.

The part that troubles me to no end is the pain I know my friends and family will feel. I've been contemplating ways to make it easier on them. Simply disappearing won't help as they'll always wonder what happened to me and won't find closure. I consider buying them gifts with the last of my money, something for them to help remember me when I'm gone, but it seems selfish to force a constant reminder on to them. Money or objects don't help grief - I know this first hand.

My mum passed away very suddenly a few years ago when I was 17. I was the one who found her. It was the most severe pain I have ever felt. My grandparents were equally devastated, they rarely talk about it and they still cry sometimes when reminded, having to leave the room to gain composure.

Knowing how it feels to lose someone close to you and the thought of forcing my grandparents to endure that pain a second time... it makes me want to cry. Myself and my older sibling have been their solace since it happened - it comforts them to make sure we're okay. They do a lot for me.

I have a group of friends who care deeply for me. Some of them have been in my life for ten years. I have been unhappy for so long without ""getting better"" that I don't even mention it anymore, I feel like it's a drain on them, like I'm a broken record. They have their own issues. Still, I know that any one of them would rush to comfort me if I asked for it. They are good friends.

Despite all this, all I have thought about for weeks is suicide. It's the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing at night. I've researched online extensively about the best methods, the statistics, the survivor stories, etc. I've planned it all out. I try to tell myself that I won't be here once my loved ones find out and that I won't have to witness their pain. Still, I feel tremendous guilt.

I guess I don't have a question or anything. I just wanted to talk about it.",3.141891076059689,4.608029318098718,3.9539781471876205,89.37188469877981,73.91773308957953,6.8433995153267295,26.797712682283912,7.397020576406223,1.2485208877173584,2115,77,448,24,43,676,244,547,0.155,0.718,0.126,-0.9178,4,0,2,0,0,3,60.0,0,1,18,13,21,34,0,4,25,1,49,11,1,6,10,75,89,25,2,8,10,1,6,3,4,8,8,0,1,0,35,15,0,1,21,1,3,7,16,14,0,8,15,7,76,20,69,63,15,54,0,6,1,2,41,15,0,15,34,314,111,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493904994785862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060956762138763186,0.0,0.0,0.04981814627681476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453050682641566,0.0,0.0,0.12057065391973895,0.0,0.06848660780523019,0.0,0.06882857074691265,0.0,0.0,0.04465757088481264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688005096008657,0.0647910002574389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469170448078094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916618114780549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609415733655689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946552902379482,0.0,0.08170235329090071,0.09677281332095283,0.06626631335495409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812278350667948,0.0,0.14816636126537136,0.05233573380222036,0.07033944251775683,0.0,0.13391349153101467,0.12462692045248755,0.0,0.0803239288079612,0.22639667862343624,0.0,0.03827443055195082,0.0,0.0416343718901452,0.06144557416548745,0.0,0.0,0.08070226069551019,0.0,0.1295641198651195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731045366615364,0.0,0.0,0.07276200724127113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646261696675152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628723106439304,0.2013041892183842,0.11943056067881612,0.0,0.07756994668803918,0.0,0.07491156032920349,0.20697797422730366,0.10737089363591784,0.0,0.0,0.06483127736781236,0.06151850925323445,0.08195728273599556,0.07997007251960497,0.06228157459497353,0.06611846286237524,0.0,0.14670142330279315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396998477000857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650130601123283,0.0,0.0,0.0687479382937557,0.0,0.07029330072859884,0.0,0.0,0.07801768317066021,0.14892513059184706,0.05571622727106215,0.3118079234804769,0.0,0.0,0.07933158423373005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701611870529441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206604571146565,0.0,0.0,0.0833839671840724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865198248399173,0.08298735662749476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669159173465156,0.0,0.08276101047832134,0.0,0.06060001079968145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062071507575968875,0.0563978072574863,0.07245431757360994,0.0,0.05185259153851828,0.0,0.1755124843067988,0.06124720697076912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013267404121023,0.0,0.1380901342238734,0.0,0.0,0.2355289396564162,0.06403097052070475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460086490768666,0.0,0.0,0.11631779132158925,0.04271749540528834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973756705750212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060445757769654274,0.08641926969474413,0.11629803428216336,0.117526755520338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610420807055102,0.0,0.0,0.0706183729984691,0.07944548564055656,0.05333290434935538,0.07439734497177518,0.0,0.10408116827922033,0.0,0.0,0.09435186799551606
suicidewatch,ponch77,2019/02/01,I NEED HELP Idk what to do im suicidal i dont want to die i have a daughter but i feel terrible.,-4.907499999999999,-5.068083416666667,0.2283333333333353,100.55000000000004,133.16666666666669,4.933333333333334,16.5,6.42735559955562,0.16630000000000056,74,3,21,2,6,29,18,24,0.376,0.449,0.175,-0.6022,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097131382253317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626722477295632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960962185370087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26460872495193305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42642371872218093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927199567040851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43181873744861055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328479635636765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mntllyunstable,2019/02/01,"I wish assisted suicide is allowed for people with depression I've been depressed for 5 years now. The first time depression hit me hard was when I was in college. I would skip classes for weeks and just lay in my bed. I swallowed a bunch of random pills but obviously didn't get my desired result (too poor to afford the right and enough amount of pills; too cowardly to just slit my wrist because of the possible pain). Opening up to a friend helped a little and eventually I attended my classes again and did my routine. One year later, I hooked up with a guy. We're now together for 4 years and living together for 2 years. We didn't really plan on moving in with each other at an early stage in the relationship until his father passed away in 2016. He said he needed me by his side so without a second thought, I left my work, friends, and family (which are all in a different city from where I live now) for him. At that time I thought what I did for our relationship was okay because I thought he's the only one that would make me happy and content. He's  ambitious and goal-oriented. There's nothing wrong with that and I'm proud of him for that aspect. However, because of such goals, he doesn't have time for our relationship anymore. I mean, he still goes home to me to eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. That's it. Our relationship has become stagnant. I feel so unappreciated and that my efforts and sacrifices are all for nothing. I left everything for him and now I have nothing and no one to go back to. Not to mention that aside from being depressed, I'm also an introvert so he is the only person I talk to nowadays. (I have a home-based business so I don't usally interact with people in person). I lost all my drive to live. My business is also failing because I lost all my motivation. I've given my all to our relationship and didn't leave anything for myself. I feel like he's even belittling me now because of how hard I'm failing in life. He doesn't seem to realize that I lost everything because I chose him. He doesn't even take my depression seriously. He doesn't even ask how I am. So now I'm pouring my heart out to strangers. Now I'm full of regret and unhappiness and at times I just feel so empty, but I have nowhere else to go. I can't simply go back to my family because I also have issues there. I also lost contact with all my friends. I'm so lost and alone and I feel like my life is so pointless. I badly want to die but I'm too afraid of the possible pain.",3.1097400641337067,4.775030727091632,4.652054222135848,83.5173991837528,74.398406374502,7.766086872024099,27.18414148284909,8.482186458684032,1.92457092605189,1963,75,395,36,41,658,219,502,0.17,0.7390000000000001,0.091,-0.9919,5,1,0,0,1,2,53.0,5,0,0,15,39,27,0,1,16,1,31,11,3,6,7,68,65,38,2,7,8,1,6,2,3,2,6,1,2,3,12,29,2,0,11,0,1,7,12,19,0,5,19,7,64,8,63,42,11,58,1,13,0,0,41,24,0,2,28,264,76,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701376313737661,0.0,0.2069748542744301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416891721026513,0.0,0.0,0.053245825502094835,0.0,0.060489444983107835,0.0,0.06079147700382041,0.09950666440119346,0.05402508317137997,0.2761004281828181,0.0714604128515106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786470226979788,0.0,0.06715246925961843,0.06760184070905292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620827902129761,0.05405183519651958,0.0,0.0,0.0668564614698687,0.0,0.12820901680265373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163034495715706,0.0,0.12199422312756085,0.0,0.1308650150055251,0.09244900841002736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550371341909943,0.0,0.0,0.1499702993930245,0.0,0.03380513556338241,0.0,0.11031821235842527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406706854417196,0.0,0.0688785421400009,0.11592403350618707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667447469900206,0.04336968383569127,0.0,0.12980664519885862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753409769437503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851212482114527,0.14060202973968178,0.0,0.0914046058489516,0.06322214879194703,0.06485034136154608,0.17140428052549367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35315994301592274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319037915195755,0.0,0.0,0.07048155399515134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877004319631758,0.0,0.0479771480587404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625551257536144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153518304128548,0.09842051671660887,0.13769909794852636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897151233060608,0.1129939608649047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588792989047467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145099770087885,0.0,0.0,0.3473390579372839,0.0,0.055256807088255255,0.06154825938689374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890403245758385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475066356570251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167264619830249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077560318872926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864930673439456,0.05200657213813887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410309104621547,0.15091753970252966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381640573770787,0.0,0.051901593902185794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744063321946149,0.062372284526570836,0.0,0.047105235414847284,0.0,0.0,0.0919276381786672,0.07074359570087592,0.0,0.16666885135848025
suicidewatch,ThrowawayMntlHlth,2019/02/01,"i hope you guys get better cus im out this is a throwaway i made a few months ago when i had hope but i guess this is a good use

just wanted anybody on earth to know i was dead",-1.9785714285714284,-0.2835817142857113,0.6098095238095276,105.65185714285712,92.33333333333334,3.3600000000000003,13.16190476190476,3.1291,-1.811472380952381,136,2,38,0,5,46,32,42,0.136,0.6409999999999999,0.222,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,12,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,4,3,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,3,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479662820546802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24740096224599495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614886188430085,0.0,0.0,0.2346266319997719,0.0,0.0,0.3081572575228765,0.2769794883513659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5556756504734998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302159466560252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373385167351242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646899742055078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232800818375172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24159935667591395,0.0,0.0,0.1649936750021165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hurricane-haley,2019/02/01,"I’ve spent enough time thinking about it. I think I’m ready Been depressed and suicidal since I was a teen, but never went as far as attempting it. I’m 22 now and there have been two occasions in the past two years where I was ready to do it.

I believe everything has been said and done now. Part of me really wants to live. I enjoy going out and watching movies and tons of other stuff. I don’t hate living. But I hate myself and I’ve messed things up pretty badly. Probably to the point of no return. Me and my dad have a crude misunderstanding. He loves me and I love him, but I know he resents me for several things, and honestly I can’t blame him. Everything bad he sees in me, I see it too, and it makes me feel disgusting. 

And that’s it, there’s no going back. I’ll give myself a week or two but I’m pretty much set. 

Don’t know how I’ll do it yet, either hanging or slicing my arms in a bathtub.

I think I had a good run and I’ll miss everyone who ever meant something to me and even the ones who meant nothing.",0.6922329283619604,2.659665271889402,2.775712191034774,92.73032153330543,82.91705069124423,6.157436112274822,19.54105571847507,7.348242739294969,0.3718958525345624,792,21,181,12,22,267,120,217,0.213,0.642,0.145,-0.9446,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,12,15,5,0,8,0,15,3,1,2,2,34,41,22,1,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,14,14,0,0,8,0,1,5,6,10,0,4,12,5,26,5,16,29,5,25,0,2,3,2,12,8,0,2,11,121,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584027096055812,0.20813796305887006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404263117436165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735203041297714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754973393915794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878617570582498,0.0,0.08232337658920802,0.11274378582765038,0.0,0.119098618421816,0.2240363333986552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302160047702596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195658014589752,0.14167127971365714,0.1045419052764132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24611188944375606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699748935104789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011835807807867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498447367305646,0.0,0.08319799815866816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162455438899876,0.0,0.09612985575025557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195951976385492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445911744963963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497269863658712,0.11898274063826865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782484689820273,0.0,0.0,0.2536068605328556,0.1343827268278663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984741273650918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856094046138807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198643480465535,0.0,0.0,0.14080743545016025,0.0,0.1031032857095226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595376565658574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268268913224252,0.13633565204550052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561021759105846,0.23959234911065536,0.0,0.0,0.07267843809674396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652647623218461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073515751371717,0.0,0.09997848591959588,0.0,0.0,0.11554229306000233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026390981451766
suicidewatch,MissMusic22,2019/02/01,"I feel terrible for posting suicidal thoughts on social media .....& then I wonder why I repel good people. I feel like shit.

Anyway.

I had mental health issues since August of last year. I had a minor mental breakdown because I was losing my internship, failed to find a job when the place gave me 4 months to do so, and I realized that I would have the same boring life I would before I had one. It was also because I feel like I'm behind all of my classmates who can afford nice things, go traveling all the time, and buy their own homes. 

So when I was on my way to the gym one time, I started feeling sad for no good reason out of nowhere & impulsively posted my thoughts on social media without thinking. Someone printed it out and snitched to my mother. I was only mad at the guy for the following reasons: 1. I don't know him and 2. I believe he should have told someone else instead. In most foreign cultures, suicide is taboo and people with mental health issues aren't given support. I did apologize later for scaring people because suicide scares people.

I regret going to Lipstickalley about this when I could have come here. On there, I was given good advice to change my life around. Then, I got a comment about how was accused of joking about suicide, I was desperate for attention, and what I did was shitty.  

Why do people get mad at people who post suicidal things on social media? I do understand that there are some people who do post things like that when they are being drama queens and searching for the wrong type of attention, but there are people who actually do have problems and they get accused of joking/attention seeking. Why? 

When I see others post suicidal things via social media, I feel scared. I do tell them to get some help though.",5.5133656832298135,6.690754961309523,5.875843685300207,78.9553881987578,67.83928571428572,7.867287784679089,29.489648033126286,8.04050195162591,2.121472722567288,1401,50,242,17,23,449,172,336,0.183,0.758,0.059,-0.9906,2,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,0,0,4,3,20,23,3,3,10,0,35,5,1,3,2,46,62,21,6,6,2,1,5,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,16,13,0,1,17,4,1,5,4,14,0,2,20,6,40,9,36,37,7,38,0,4,1,0,23,12,1,4,18,174,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.06408717015035717,0.0,0.0,0.06417469084461315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251850686565352,0.0,0.14231288221845512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846270701822531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010057067597485,0.0,0.0558827077175572,0.07399074587768559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947310448706243,0.056571293981496684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243437940033269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054861189545386914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660306807108258,0.09383330936360433,0.0,0.0,0.060023740788062725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293396753361153,0.0,0.07464672058465731,0.16524966263441984,0.05252452991616833,0.0,0.0,0.06502638769322365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396142106857655,0.0,0.0,0.044019087174057066,0.0,0.06587516354082938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370906619883409,0.06517011113032872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03609204818738362,0.053532089518388636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277326826312096,0.09625322458704402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734710541618583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985481793688722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241939485180473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900316498633612,0.04994711653280251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642339518639309,0.0,0.06861408837040213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144818984929046,0.0,0.0,0.06283999123998339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350451329200697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724976011595632,0.0,0.05233271137327486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741217574305187,0.05432521097624345,0.0,0.0,0.26778055833249104,0.11128868461177664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046483539158210664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310122423346673,0.07452470444380893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057400913574906426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452033557500654,0.04208047242516405,0.06452318326380489,0.10427371992925803,0.07658866457763727,0.0,0.0,0.06275316570388109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836769102455245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212800431162737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777843613201416,0.0,0.0,0.0633062265388417,0.0712193399238807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933041323063966,0.07180288696502718,0.0,0.04229112393892532
suicidewatch,clumsilypsychotic,2019/02/01,cutting up razors sounds like a relapse to me i havnt sh in over six months but the impulses are too overwhelming tonight i don’t wanna go back to hospital i don’t wanna get sectioned again i don’t wanna spend another second with a medical professional telling me what i need to do to make it better i just want to go...,0.7312649572649583,3.2600627076923097,3.0205128205128235,86.27059829059831,91.15384615384615,6.581196581196581,24.145299145299145,7.793537801064563,1.7982478632478631,256,11,50,6,9,87,46,65,0.021,0.858,0.121,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,11,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,2,0,1,8,2,12,11,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699053772978436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271254888980724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119924111195529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843054100829379,0.0,0.4009695179837311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234340086548736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354737056538116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35537412109463923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815740507031346,0.0,0.0,0.26157114297018474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30833258939826336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807022743994827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pel-I-Can,2019/02/01,"Goals Hoping to off myself before next year, wish me luck",3.766363636363636,6.097911090909097,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,74.45454545454545,4.4,11.0,3.1291,-1.4139818181818185,46,0,8,0,1,14,11,11,0.0,0.485,0.515,0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397667800672253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641692621345236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497016244928255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5374123708109433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009485211373587
suicidewatch,xxx_maya_777,2019/02/01,"Idk if I wanting to die and not wanting to live are the same??? I feel like I don’t want to exist or live or be around, I feel the urge to pick up the knife and plunge it into my chest. But I want to live, I want the dreams I’ve always had and imagined as a kid, I want a version of life I know is possible, deep down. But in the moment it doesn’t seem at all around. I get so caught up and scared and angry and pointless and just over all fucked up. I got 100 days of sobriety, that didn’t take all the problems away just made them that much more clear. My father always told me suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I hope that’s true. That this is temporary...",2.8409655172413792,3.4072589241379347,4.062241379310347,91.76439655172415,73.55172413793103,7.455172413793104,24.15517241379311,7.554174236665415,0.8059517241379308,524,14,124,6,10,172,88,145,0.17,0.6920000000000001,0.138,-0.8764,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,1,10,0,9,3,1,2,5,40,27,14,2,10,8,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,2,15,3,20,20,7,15,0,0,0,1,4,12,1,5,3,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071582587562313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682316734132047,0.0,0.0,0.14154633016242005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716069694993887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635720751523055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235246397712968,0.10762872126607248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927910228876594,0.0787115746396355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049341600162053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963546371061814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279663204095168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641283248512363,0.07360294228350625,0.0,0.39909619042466904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255440919911813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074954076308503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984207415861424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28831501083788746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083300088425686,0.0,0.0,0.13715162119872654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647932800804745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327460974120933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395832409437334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5331650947214894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhenTheGamingIsLit,2019/02/01,fuck bro i am so high right now looooool,-2.4333333333333336,-1.4696182222222198,-2.0349999999999984,117.66750000000002,120.11111111111113,1.8,15.611111111111107,3.1291,-1.9514888888888888,32,1,9,0,2,9,9,9,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625932440528435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6429648582498739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196970586811295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeudoIntellektual,2019/02/01,"It's only a matter of time... I'm honestly saying I don't want to live anymore but I don't want to die either...I was having a bath now and my hairdryer was plugged in, very close to me. And I thought, I could do it right now. And you know what my thought was? No one would find me after I'm long gone...which made me not want to do it. I feel like such a hypocrite and like I would only ATTEMPT suicide if there was a chance someone would find me...

I feel the day when I'll be ready is coming, but I think(because of the attempt suicide) I still have a little bit of hope...that things will get better. I still hope I will become what other people are - happy with their lives, going through troubles but ultimately overcoming them...

I know it in my heart it's just a matter of time when I'll be ready to give up...",1.5124561403508778,3.1288891345029266,2.9331929824561414,94.33768421052632,78.70760233918128,5.261754385964913,21.341520467836254,5.6839178017228535,-0.05546970760233938,626,17,142,3,15,204,95,171,0.095,0.703,0.202,0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,4,33.0,0,1,2,3,9,7,0,0,8,0,20,1,1,1,0,32,37,10,3,9,6,0,2,2,0,5,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,7,3,22,6,15,22,1,19,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,13,94,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493626445109966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294171520159234,0.15026903344371312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033517686933501,0.14854371721977605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720477582054008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863388921093484,0.0,0.0,0.0877482925825679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121016443005627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759337884976672,0.09720223115329266,0.0,0.0,0.2487151552614697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108642175212097,0.1305224121023237,0.07732678127112362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448398006585433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123331426540893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702791738345142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955148164332338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294537229922634,0.13636918296489214,0.2402892691202481,0.1204099828328379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874450678121854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219866884213422,0.20696152356084505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432778461900752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619562021831095,0.0,0.10820141938034357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528431129357188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217317485020204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976579915558466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039309236007734,0.08718259721311902,0.0,0.21603497300733185,0.1586768947719768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226483498188004,0.2407574677574563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28996216474237085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,animegiant,2019/02/01,"I've been thinking about it more and more Today has been a build up of th past two years I've been thinking about ending my life, I can't do it anymore I really can't. My life has no purpose and the only thing I do dissapoint people all the time.
Im at the hospital right now for thinking about suicide, but I don't think ghag will stop me from ending it, I think I'm gonna do it and I don't think it's a matter of if, but when. I'm going to end my life ",-0.3454285714285703,1.1488588857142863,2.55261904761905,95.4632142857143,83.95238095238095,5.342857142857143,18.11904761904762,6.2581,-0.35006666666666675,353,8,89,3,10,125,59,105,0.092,0.908,0.0,-0.74,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,13,3,0,0,1,15,23,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,0,10,0,10,18,3,14,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,10,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335212162723478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376633936612336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361081567380107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791948701062554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490273081046828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527249107715116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723824087372784,0.11419201360428766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552006660509787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406649366177769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770835831038206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801704850721204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094287253136189,0.6332528448894487,0.0,0.0,0.09604611302848563,0.0,0.1561297019584584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090173631500887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607047641683856
suicidewatch,MERFMAN_MAN420,2019/02/01,"Intrusive thoughts Dip your hand in this fryer, jab that steak knife into your legs, hurl yourself off the overpass youre walking over, you ever feel like a car accident is moments away and all you can do is involuntaroly shiver and hope you were right",10.763404255319152,8.46121821276596,9.14095744680851,71.38250000000002,58.36170212765957,11.953191489361705,40.52127659574468,10.125756701596842,3.992285106382978,204,8,36,3,2,62,41,47,0.059,0.778,0.163,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,2,0,2,8,8,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,5,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41801554744774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024542272753373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249641462316069,0.3178498431539151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419044295165854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173646902544198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799579415344619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532155665123057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dreamofathena,2019/02/01,"What happens when you call a crisis line? Any line really, but I'm a minor in the UK.

I dont wanna kill myself but like I also cant keep myself safe, feels like i dont SH or attempt enough to be taken seriously by mental health services but I cant live another week, just cant kill myself eithet",0.28877232142857423,2.369419796875004,3.4632142857142867,86.51750000000001,85.40625,5.5321428571428575,16.955357142857142,6.868970318607317,0.12149821428571395,233,5,48,3,7,84,45,64,0.111,0.648,0.241,0.9002,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,2,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,11,6,2,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,8,3,4,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059766325758294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506979301059458,0.2236921413374974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217830895146107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000357161979574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042399576341748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786462848530293,0.15240097508965605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864451465128373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267568093802764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896149932455836,0.4720298199767688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844176241291051,0.0,0.1883718021850473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149836154013538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666284964432007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111819056660704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reeceet124,2019/02/01,"How to I just want to die, today I got close (by suffocation) but i could get out of it. I've written a letter and I'm ready to not be here. How do I stop being such a pussy and go through with it ",-1.6760869565217362,-0.09903121739130327,1.5936521739130465,100.02308695652177,89.43478260869566,4.549565217391304,15.72173913043478,5.6839178017228535,-0.98480347826087,148,3,41,1,5,53,35,46,0.12,0.779,0.101,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,13,10,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,8,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608524146802382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690619951296944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23612987739417704,0.0,0.25685866485876363,0.0,0.3614728288378196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778578874769534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42840420202716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665770759125528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nb2001uk,2019/02/01,"Help Me?!?! No friends, Never had a relationship, Only have my mum who is severely mentally ill.

No Skills, No Hobbies, Failed GCSEs. Can't get into a clubs or activities or education . 

I am bad and a failure at everything i do. I try to do video games, i fail. 

Recovering BDD sufferer 
Recovered from Near Suicidal Attempts (near jumping in front of train)

My life is so boring, i wake up, watch TV all day and go sleep.

I have nothing and nobody.

Tried reaching out to counsellors but just get passed around or messed about. So no use there. 

If i died today, only my mum would be there.

I am so sick and tired of life I am so bored of breathing and doing nothing. 



Male : 17

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suicidewatch,Sebson8,2019/02/01,"Should I just give up? Everything sucks. School, people, ""friends"", and family. There's nothing for me to live for anymore and living day to day is suffering for me. Everyday feels like another cut on my mental health and I bleed more every day. There's nothing I can do about it either. Its all for nothing. No one really supports me anymore and it's essentially me vs the world. I'm fighing a battle I can't win so I yeild. ",0.7417857142857152,3.2818510357142863,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,92.21428571428572,6.133333333333334,22.47619047619048,7.492282038375204,1.4237333333333342,333,13,64,7,12,112,60,84,0.156,0.76,0.084,-0.7344,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,10,10,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,10,4,9,9,3,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858181176460734,0.0,0.0,0.3567132715774721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34795294633869583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152608304813098,0.0,0.16163193098801346,0.0,0.16954064497765478,0.0,0.09093438394147507,0.12848038301774012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894680493736225,0.0,0.0,0.17252247505367901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116545483990155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878625529001659,0.0,0.317610583268762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124016091796788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176946731264755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186675291312922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468098471888266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521248637857193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201143685138885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040845119108278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mahite92,2019/02/01,"Nausea The heaviness of existence has laid it's torturous claws on my head again, it is difficult to breathe and my brain has a dense fog, all flavours are insipid, all colours are dull and I can't pretend this day is new.",4.850378787878785,5.834918431818185,4.879999999999999,86.19833333333334,69.22727272727272,9.503030303030306,35.12121212121212,9.725611199111238,3.2395393939393937,177,9,37,4,3,55,37,44,0.247,0.726,0.027000000000000003,-0.8911,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,7,3,3,0,2,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,7,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5844613528981171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33765013775352193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373192321135077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056533933876848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LucasDeTe,2019/02/01,"I'm broken. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either - [A cry for help] Everything is exhausting. Nothing is worth the effort of just staying alive. There's no happiness nor satisfaction to be found anywhere... doing anything.  
Nothing brings me joy. I just want to sleep forever.  
I anestesiase myself with alcohol or drugs, just to stop feeling empty. There's a void inside me that's creeping out all the time, engulfing me whole. I fell the blood accumulating in my wrists begging me to end it all.

I have no reason to feel this sad, or this emptiness... I'm a 37 years old heterosexual guy with an IQ of over 135, handsome enough, socially adept, have a good job, make good money, just bought a new apartment, my family loves me and support me.  
From the outside, it looks like I'm a whiny little bitch. It must looks like I'm the greatest douche bag on Earth. In papers, I have a life that most people in the world would envy, would love to have. Yet it means nothing to me.  
I just continue living by the power of inercia. It's easier to keep breathing that to actually do something to kill myself. If I could just stop breathing... just fade away... \*sigh\*...  
I don't think I have the courage to kill myself, I always think of what that would do to my mom and desist from the idea.  
Is it enough to live just so you don't hurt the ones that loves you? I know that's keeping me alive, but is it fair? I mean, if my mom were to die, I think I'd definitively do myself.  
Why am I so damage inside? Why I just can't be normal?  
Why can't I enjoy life? The simple things even... something... anything. Why can't I start living, instead of surviving?  
I 'm currently with psychological and psychiatric treatment, but nothing seems to help.  
The drugs have no effect, and when I talk to my analyst there's nothing to be found there... everything he propose or says I have already though, and some ideas seem great, but I just cannot execute any of them. And yes, I tried multiple therapists, no one really helped me in a meaningful way.  
I struggle every day to keep my painful routine: Wake-up, go to work, go home, eat, sleep, repeat.  
Is that life? Is that all there is for me? Do I have to make peace with the fact that that's as good as it gonna get?  
I'm agnostic, but I think my soul is broken. I'm broken.  
I feel like a shadow... a ghost stuck on repeat.  
Please, help me. I don't wanna take the final step towards death. I know it would be an easy solution for me, but I don't wanna hurt the people that loves me.  
Please help me. Help me live, not just staying alive.  
Share with me your secret for understanding the value of life.  
Please, any tip or suggestion you can share with me to help me with my apathy, my disdain for my own life, my tiredness of living.  
I don't want to die, but I really don't know if I can keep living much longer. I'm in an immeasurable pain.  
Hope someone can throw me a rope to help me stay afloat, and not to hang myself.  
Thanks guys",2.1989063180827912,4.134096536134457,3.6010037348272665,88.87036336756927,77.75630252100841,6.760348583877996,22.279022720199194,7.728297695733946,0.9060525988173054,2289,67,484,35,54,751,257,595,0.181,0.602,0.217,0.9875,3,0,5,0,0,5,119.0,0,4,1,5,23,33,3,1,30,1,48,22,6,4,5,94,100,28,7,17,28,2,3,3,0,6,11,1,1,2,24,15,2,6,23,0,3,7,19,11,1,2,5,6,75,21,64,84,12,42,2,4,2,4,29,14,1,12,20,306,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.054245589266101686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594063598962845,0.0,0.0,0.06134242357392713,0.0,0.04625343025663743,0.0,0.0,0.07560310205073392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914879028413396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222648620114116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044382265618846915,0.0,0.06106049253495405,0.03584947622963144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307380978453346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289281983032647,0.05688010788896935,0.0,0.0,0.04923421441256326,0.1148739341271077,0.0,0.03671516017771631,0.0,0.046835045682718714,0.0,0.0999173042598229,0.0,0.05240314863866599,0.0,0.08432045375335268,0.03971187327569001,0.0,0.060893622487915425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121898116261512,0.0,0.0,0.0290422857453808,0.0,0.0631835566369474,0.13987300897508345,0.0,0.061285649826742235,0.0,0.11008115071984466,0.0,0.059174154140117514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980741782931497,0.0,0.05575900848624366,0.05521114162208629,0.0,0.0,0.11901559292246695,0.12550352363950373,0.0,0.0,0.0551622278298133,0.19763565366979116,0.12299913686402986,0.0,0.09164865996509833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963162280869987,0.0814720461870406,0.05571349184434575,0.3435947829651107,0.0,0.09335935759709033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006803250946424,0.0,0.07421046014920839,0.0,0.0,0.12110263111164175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020731526560714,0.0,0.0,0.040863365060817565,0.0,0.0,0.05368695960644605,0.0,0.0,0.05446415635311768,0.2666895491723912,0.0,0.05832995393595149,0.0,0.07533534590316067,0.0,0.11829849171893538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707504209978652,0.0,0.0,0.1830558485983284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122182470784301,0.05715342708674258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044205580506743725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012099323773378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125571556737716,0.056664673079931324,0.047099288837779335,0.08558827447800367,0.0,0.0,0.03934526937131419,0.17774731763921311,0.0,0.0929476342456462,0.0,0.058112347016309476,0.0,0.0,0.06308027797064387,0.0,0.0,0.04179504220138075,0.04467929808598777,0.0,0.05117769768760885,0.0,0.06454161921810768,0.03693000650509795,0.14247344783322402,0.05461464579038305,0.0,0.032413642476103205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03774040825515014,0.0,0.0,0.057868769641234476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114829342661313,0.044122939186047934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063705947512248,0.06206169641523032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046851711203565,0.0,0.0,0.15795166570932107,0.0,0.0,0.03579666465862758
suicidewatch,Hap134,2019/02/01,Feel miserable Been keeping myself together for a while but I feel like I have no one. I'm tired of being in pain and having to push through it. What's the point in all of this? My own mum wouldn't care if I did it,-0.24312499999999915,1.574169270833334,1.9206666666666656,98.39100000000002,85.45833333333334,5.506666666666668,17.933333333333334,6.742157984588678,-0.24404666666666675,167,4,42,2,5,56,41,48,0.303,0.638,0.059,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,11,4,0,2,2,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,2,5,2,7,7,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746146778371644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37156263923535293,0.2624887756141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32658457326686263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950548863097013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489769567064293,0.0,0.39096652571293933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473357606726999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223014411111571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saracecilx,2019/02/01,"Want to end my life at 18😢😢 I’m a 17 year old girl and I really want to kill myself when I turn 18, I have nobody, i only have my mum but she isn’t much help she’s quite motionless. I’ve been planning this for years I grew up really depressed and constantly in mental health services but since I’m turning 18 I was discharged 💔💔😢I feel empty and hopeless I feel like suicide is my only option left I just want to be free I feel as if my time is up😭😭I don’t know what to do I need advice can anyone give me some? ",-2.924227272727272,-1.527637816666665,0.6972727272727289,99.77863636363638,110.5,3.515151515151515,12.954545454545453,5.565023196281405,-1.0702499999999997,402,9,100,4,22,144,77,120,0.16899999999999998,0.701,0.13,-0.8287,0,0,0,0,0,4,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,0,17,24,8,2,5,4,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,18,3,9,21,2,12,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,3,8,51,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702891680888836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184972982388165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831792251180288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009368406345933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434654601271647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643399706959478,0.12449453188052485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671703046504124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523492266313574,0.0,0.0,0.11680576308582932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927977542042801,0.0,0.09577116429489367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893387952443928,0.0,0.12308810892183525,0.08513679003917404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756175414601459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810439510099098,0.12921485457247314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286118762154227,0.0,0.0,0.2650718783641297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853516544719458,0.0,0.0,0.2232764912681056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415332371132286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061698419659712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161498095521536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790992813757981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083569984925162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244411377233141
suicidewatch,MyFishHackedMe,2019/02/01,friendly reminder to dont kill your self! hey nigga! feel free to not kill yourself! you are a good perso n,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727258,1.036818181818184,97.42522727272728,105.36363636363636,2.2,19.13636363636364,3.1291,-0.7135818181818179,84,3,17,0,4,27,20,22,0.0,0.441,0.5589999999999999,0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925441174738272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935440419077186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25877179065207034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809295852064111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7411171766408597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494127367802133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buttfuck_warbler,2019/02/01,"I’m finally gonna do it I’ve always had suicide in the back of my mind. Well life has hit a point where I can’t go back, I haven’t experienced a shred of actual happiness in years, and now even the alcohol isn’t doing it for me. 

I’m gonna go to the pawn shop, get a gun, and shoot myself in the head in my apartment tomorrow. ",2.0731081081081086,2.3027892837837847,4.852270270270271,86.63462162162165,75.08108108108108,9.163243243243244,24.259459459459467,9.3871,1.6114518918918923,253,7,63,6,5,92,51,74,0.131,0.789,0.08,-0.5574,0,0,1,2,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,0,7,3,1,0,0,3,15,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,6,2,8,11,0,15,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,6,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2489044344776244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725844923874589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223262677087198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922549956785967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846652980320012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27940875698293915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325975083302966,0.0,0.2899160585362469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27151902249021675,0.0,0.0,0.2617679499855293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015835164430616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575406504401129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411167265475805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789972318940689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933202905652506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425203769716865
suicidewatch,Shanondorf,2019/02/01,"I had the worst panic attack I've ever had I was drinking all day on my day off and decided to hit the bong. I hit waaaaay too hard. At first everything was fine but then I was laying in my bed and I could feel my heart racing. My thoughts started racing too. It got so bad that I was literally convulsing and fading in and out of consciousness. And the worst part is that in the face of feeling like I was going to die, I thought that would be just fine. I took two large doses of melatonin and fell asleep on my back hoping I would throw up and choke on it. It didn't go that way, unfortunately. It would have been nice if it did. 
",1.6254545454545486,3.4252515454545467,3.0924242424242436,92.48363636363639,79.0,6.218181818181819,20.848484848484848,7.1686216300943375,0.3465484848484852,492,13,112,6,12,161,81,132,0.214,0.682,0.104,-0.964,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,1,4,0,17,5,3,0,2,24,29,11,1,6,3,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,9,8,1,0,6,1,0,5,1,5,0,2,14,3,15,5,15,8,4,24,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,2,9,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089848347988085,0.0,0.14254710948629715,0.15478600337335086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480122288824258,0.0,0.0,0.2391117626389055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239697050303745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816035224468925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768839049805756,0.0,0.0,0.1666091478342618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746914826435251,0.13243674685537665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157685607100736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107134215920305,0.0,0.1482667065540667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606561978276338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196782457837443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412588939934726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056815058606822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175055205542316,0.0,0.2007503511559201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121414453332167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943447767876772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059659260669975,0.0,0.0,0.1810910157923288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714739057839812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950695920658561,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EroticPotat0,2019/02/01,Done With All Of It I've been depressed for over 10 years. Nothing makes me happy. Even when I'm doing okay I'm not happy. Everything I do I do to pass the time and nothing else. It hasnt gotten better. I dont think it ever will. It is NOT a temporary problem. And I'm sick of everyone telling me how it will affect my family. For once in my life I want to be selfish and be happy. I'm gonna try again soon. ,-1.3344871794871764,0.650907043956046,1.8905769230769245,95.01483974358976,93.94505494505495,4.791575091575092,17.473443223443226,6.42735559955562,-0.13289084249084215,315,9,74,4,12,112,60,91,0.223,0.7190000000000001,0.058,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,2,1,12,2,0,3,2,14,21,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,8,5,9,13,1,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678091335503087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242097827814514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297960630850672,0.22101068239148425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753177380731204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455324141836607,0.17057857143887825,0.0,0.18019327665467685,0.169480727567401,0.0,0.1777734862623788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6022307409799865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319741726799614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587652231383115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618891775608771,0.0,0.0,0.20082820770392704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044259280744912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482449266132576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083244127073772,0.0,0.0,0.10996068700321286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280313134377777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112275213679028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143731890633028
suicidewatch,epictetusnonepicurus,2019/02/01,"Living a lie I have a great job, amazing friends, and a loving family.... so why has everything always felt like shit? I hide my problems so well. Nobody suspects a thing. I fake every bit of happiness. Nothing brings me pleasure. Not my hobbies or sports, not even sex. 

I’m a volunteer EMT and have seen the aftermath of a quite a few suicides. Never looks peaceful, which has turned me away from doing it. 

The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because of the people in my life. The only pain worse than getting out of bed everyday would be the knowing that I would hurt the people in my life. That and I don’t want to cause any other first responders any more grief than they already have.",2.6061368778280567,4.8471699191176505,3.673823529411768,87.35624434389143,77.75,6.2434389140271485,24.432126696832576,7.321109707123232,1.181522171945702,543,19,104,7,13,175,94,136,0.206,0.636,0.158,-0.7678,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,2,5,14,1,0,13,0,13,6,1,2,1,17,23,6,2,4,3,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,6,1,1,3,3,13,8,12,17,3,10,0,2,2,2,4,4,1,1,6,73,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705375825611396,0.0,0.1285887925771472,0.0,0.0,0.21018358106306367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451944377722788,0.0,0.0,0.09420551417140832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687165164550712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875407916553266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581470084001481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207152400013844,0.0,0.1302057369847093,0.0,0.13888965035723302,0.0,0.14568557560592724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838163423638046,0.0,0.0,0.1314507583843815,0.0,0.0,0.11939641528774445,0.0,0.0807402269833404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037974631937167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450959400053974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543715035661746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335606966108875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493056955153692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831087201913585,0.07549992861684562,0.0,0.13646073084168805,0.0,0.12977380274909694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947744283358499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918997112210715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482842977515181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506768208686785,0.16444034668815316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142757098544512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787291147668924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643712039789973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889178683510966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863201918718095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690405369215761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266881656145448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680940088849978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115108115609197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389490822609613,0.0,0.13944737223264095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157488400422218,0.2195600830729322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KaiyoWTF,2019/02/01,"The Brink I'm writing this because I have felt the pain of existence since I was young. 
I learned to stay quiet about such things like my original father raping me after kidnapping me and my siblings when we were younger. I never told anyone, especially not my mom. She always seemed proud to have finally found us ""unharmed"" I didnt want to take that from her.. at the time I didnt know what to say because I was so young... but I knew there was something very wrong about what I was forced to do.. that feeling that thought, those memories festered.. like a poison with a slow but strong build up to my state of mind...... which is broken 

Over the years I thought I could pretend. I used to dress up as spiderman and act goofy and say dumb things and be generally over the top... because if everyone thought I was just this person then no one would ever guess how much I hated myself deep down.. I mean how could they when I smiled so much. I never wanted others to feel like how I did. I always aimed to make them laugh, I wanted them to feel how i wish i could. 

The only times anyone ever caught a glimpse is when I played guitar... it was the only time I could Express how I really felt deep down in a way that wouldn't disgust people or make them pity me.. or treat me like some fucking nut case... or worse.... hear my every word and just dismiss it as something easy to overcome.. 


As much love as I had for my parents.. they never understood.. I dont think they could. My mom would always just one up me from her past experiences and my dad now just couldnt understand. I told them a small sliver of how I felt at a dinner once... they treated it like it didnt even matter.. like a week later I should have been completely fine. I wasnt... but I pretended to be... because I know they couldn't grasp it... they never could. I don't blame them for it.. if anything it was some form of comfort knowing that those I love would never feel this way. 

The way I feel though, if you're reading this then you probably are curious about that.. well.... let me help you understand 


Have you ever woken up so tired.. with a pit in your stomach almost like a heads up of something impending doom you're gonna experience on that day.. like how you feel the day after a break up with someone you still love..

Well magnify that by 10.. and that's a good day for me... that's my best day.. because my worst days I'm thinking up how to kill myself without affecting too many people. If there was a way for me to kill myself without alerting anyone for a while. I'd do it.. I dont care how painful it would be.. I literally live in pain... I have untreated diabetes.. I have nerve pain all throughout my body . I get severe migraines, my heart gives me pain daily. My lungs hurt if I take a slightly deep breath.. my knees hurt due to my floating knee caps.. and I'm constantly reminded of how I dont deserve anything good... in high school I finally started getting dates in junior year... by senior year I was severely balding... 1 year after high school I was completely bald... I'm also short... so you can imagine seas of women spreading to avoid me... no matter how much they ""loved my personality"" they absolutely hated my appearance... not to mention the fact that all of my close friends left me behind simply because I wasnt smatt like them and couldnt hack it when i tried out college... despite all the people who told me i was ""really smart"" it wasnt true... almost every girl I ever dated cheated on me... one didnt though, but that's because she decided she'd rather fuck her own dog.... yeah she preferred another species instead of me....... imagine how that feels.... all I ever wanted in life was to make others happy and whole.. because maybe if I did that enough. Maybe one day I'd feel okay. Maybe one day I could wake up and actually love myself, maybe one day I could feel like I mattered, maybe for once i could fucking smile and mean it.... 

But that day never came.... because the world doesn't give a shit about losers.... that's exactly what I am.... the biggest loser of them all to be more precise.... how could I have so many people say all these great things about me... yet nothing comes of any of it... despite how hard I'd work for it.. like music... the amount of people who told me I have a gift, that I'd be famous.... fucking please..


Get real..

. I knew I'd never make it... because I was just above average.. and that was with almost a life time of practice..
Just like all the teachers and friends who told me I was ""so smart"" .... I'm definitely not.. or I would have fucking killed myself after my father raped me.... 

I really wish my life could have been normal though... I'd trade all the music I learned, all the sunsets I ever saw, all the ""good times"" i ever had.. for just one day, so long as I could actually be truly happy... 

I'd give up my last fucking breath just to know what a genuine smile felt like.. 

I'd give up everything just to have never existed at all. ",2.596838459241564,4.407270175634518,3.6883965362794884,89.2585249328158,76.17766497461929,6.42209614810391,23.669453568229322,7.239289175551843,0.8612534487906842,3813,119,793,44,85,1232,367,985,0.121,0.706,0.173,0.9945,1,1,3,0,0,2,241.0,2,7,15,7,62,74,18,1,36,2,82,39,13,21,30,187,167,66,3,37,30,6,14,13,2,8,12,5,0,4,53,23,1,1,38,5,1,5,31,32,2,7,49,20,143,42,94,87,25,116,1,6,1,13,68,39,8,18,78,540,196,10,0.0,0.0,0.06889623300882303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604481057886993,0.0,0.0,0.0282297320805588,0.08811832864750571,0.0,0.0,0.024005495218816682,0.03701556690697142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404862059159986,0.0,0.05809847359870396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518807592771785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037045611562701856,0.0,0.0,0.03921080726575865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040374274853753854,0.03599112951404855,0.0,0.0,0.030408184997212744,0.07402363477638743,0.038147211911015486,0.0,0.3382141429271597,0.0,0.0,0.22765849730610244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411548343717915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647476891364111,0.0,0.023315593625055538,0.22351874790770854,0.05948425049835111,0.033731062833890615,0.03172574014326369,0.06906116621540889,0.0,0.0,0.16064057118182054,0.05043725234502205,0.13557575118687876,0.07733976642964435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038705087062893606,0.0545460318420178,0.1958080095877081,0.05532903539881764,0.1354535129035021,0.0,0.08882494916517181,0.0,0.03891883623798086,0.03888739100224973,0.0,0.0,0.07515590422916106,0.03162224144618393,0.06970371039563812,0.0362284137570603,0.0,0.039786137430985975,0.04183116612418008,0.02366112655360104,0.07459366096767736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557965663757253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171640492976062,0.0,0.07760074772687686,0.028774552724477886,0.0,0.0,0.038354008204989284,0.03609706979710947,0.0748011890552762,0.2241980192882485,0.0,0.031170916445595206,0.031239759709949282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593000304847693,0.0,0.0942532143775026,0.07157816788363823,0.1773200764136598,0.07690500927292084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0356433598686265,0.08268684747792426,0.0,0.0,0.10379947785041384,0.0,0.2178068728246978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03458691533726449,0.03387170380003774,0.0,0.0,0.0751875876685544,0.16744334105111872,0.053695118238008516,0.18781067180593025,0.0,0.03919693744325212,0.0,0.033698243974615155,0.1223643279461546,0.06164592801612567,0.0,0.03874925921562275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805982187271118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035309971494457436,0.040179604725573484,0.06784305641396343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421692941547901,0.0,0.07145181664726187,0.0,0.0321361753933132,0.0,0.07975885053219631,0.03623537251472122,0.02920087113295545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0299099302101719,0.08152796081262947,0.0,0.0,0.024985818045992952,0.037625549463850334,0.028190959973088764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053083043341909934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035608888064603,0.045238165868824766,0.1040474464276837,0.0840737680578826,0.10291979011157193,0.04057263839407721,0.0,0.16865531416945306,0.0,0.023966667116839598,0.0,0.0,0.07349796160529225,0.042462057269972465,0.030488227746026057,0.0,0.029126542386272863,0.08328440620586855,0.11207931705871378,0.0283158665925666,0.0,0.06347863164199631,0.0,0.0,0.03941165682772409,0.08118747875202266,0.06805668785650174,0.0,0.025699125239429042,0.0,0.035974142454260595,0.12538202312931518,0.03859546629569133,0.0,0.09092924909198766
suicidewatch,SeriouslyWantsToDie,2019/02/01,"Probably ending it by the end of February, I give up Hello,

lately, I just feel like giving up. I go to college and recently switched majors. I'm doing good on the coursework and one of my lecturers took a liking to my work. I really enjoy class. Problem is only, that I won't make any money with this degree, it's  useless.

I have no friends anymore, only acquaintances from college I talk to occasionally. Anytime I talk to people I feel like I'm oversteppbing boundaries. People rarely if ever start conversations with me, there was a person once, but that's not going to work. I feel incredibly lonely and just wished I never wake up anymore. 

After classes are over, and the long, dreadful and lonely semester break starts, I'm going to kill myself. 

I don't know how yet, jumping in front of a train seems to gruesome and would fuck up a lot of people, so I'd rather do it somewhere where nobody will find me.

I have no family and no friends, and nobody would care if I die. I tried my best for years and I never got better. Nothing worked. You can suggest whatever you want, I tried. I'm unlovable, I'm dumb and have nothing to offer anybody.

I am terrified of thinking that I might lead a long life, which is why am going to die soon.",3.215097001763666,5.18587148559671,4.704750146972369,81.94185185185188,74.88477366255144,6.933098177542622,25.97472075249853,7.793537801064563,1.63389923574368,973,35,179,14,21,325,144,243,0.228,0.6659999999999999,0.106,-0.9908,0,4,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,2,0,6,10,19,3,1,8,0,18,3,1,3,3,39,44,15,3,8,7,0,3,3,2,5,1,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,7,0,1,8,8,9,0,1,3,3,27,10,27,36,3,32,0,3,0,1,13,8,2,5,18,120,35,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461160450452564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762038726988792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151416579141433,0.09703613739057282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186421677601706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277387090469657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435412750001185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992456832203296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343181417070076,0.0,0.16642926484327294,0.15676428625858801,0.0,0.0,0.10027972952279668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695348051765169,0.1014319821149726,0.0,0.2105018838683,0.24941974131282105,0.0920257621131617,0.087751039574543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138606360276888,0.0,0.060297821872414274,0.0,0.12376602296481885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749665487544742,0.1608071606427665,0.0,0.0,0.1941929191669512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327782261866184,0.0,0.0,0.07323722641745553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639283871279985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924166847457492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055363738898364,0.0,0.0,0.11684546608266265,0.07434735984730267,0.16689007617962887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819272234861074,0.09580101469534176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829393025200005,0.1049847484016471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028778546184865,0.0,0.10833271080917382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988261382979068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531710196158666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637340415447506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030248927481332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190008498449892,0.14898184535777326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471417399000064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990029014977667,0.0,0.12616961241893704,0.0,0.0,0.2396267543325112,0.0,0.0,0.15588020720137244,0.0,0.0,0.07065441797079605
suicidewatch,celldman,2019/02/01,"suicidal long distance partner my boyfriend lives in the north of england and i live in the south. he's a brilliant person and i genuinely love him. he has a great sense of humour, outward confidence, he's doing great with his studies and has landed some part time jobs too, i'm really proud of him.

​

unfortunately, he has been raped and systematically abused as a child, he's killed someone, and he doesn't know how to accept love. he attempted suicide once before, and nowadays he uses alcohol, cigs, cocaine, mdma, weed and whatever else he can get his hands on to cope, but he still lapses into these dark weeks. he says he feels  ready to kill himself, he's written a letter, and recently he's started cutting himself too though i don't know how badly. every time he goes into a dark time i feel i get closer and closer to losing him. i am also suicidal for my own reasons, if he goes i'm going to give up too. he knows this.

​

i've got the direct emergency number for his town's services and he's promised to call to say goodbye if he does anything. i'm so worried, it's eating me up and i don't know how to talk to him about it. he won't talk about things with me. i don't know what to do. if anyone can help me i would be really grateful

​",4.626638327205882,5.363360832031251,5.6782536764705895,81.17373161764708,69.5859375,8.054779411764706,29.511948529411764,8.124751697461798,1.9964290441176482,1007,37,196,13,17,334,140,256,0.14400000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.597,1,0,2,0,1,1,41.0,0,0,0,3,12,14,4,0,8,0,16,6,1,5,0,34,36,22,5,4,4,0,3,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,6,15,2,0,9,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,5,23,8,27,30,3,23,0,1,0,3,42,14,0,4,8,108,29,2,0.0,0.11286477031710815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018014867534528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617752969410223,0.0,0.3096349589331019,0.3472455112288864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660638244607632,0.0,0.07838895149832534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795361811837753,0.0,0.0,0.08105726686843569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972687384248087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833606348680635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747238443667106,0.07957556573986728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025870110524727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963302870916344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953640898920954,0.09137984352748364,0.05413713292012805,0.0,0.076186266064133,0.21004384984726385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384921279058682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452854568958206,0.0,0.21077701148514244,0.0,0.2617556397355864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822854757179867,0.08430004635361646,0.0,0.10656897433107003,0.0,0.0,0.17194754477860694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144631688151398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031547811447192,0.0,0.0,0.08317532909217654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204901389700687,0.09794075685908764,0.0940554638346514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150545585498573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071152040096846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742387390353112,0.0,0.07607290371466774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125893123062433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312902457565755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328496771384895,0.0,0.09359018377293188,0.0,0.16663655209255915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822720480596739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640996244718104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967387946735172,0.0,0.06766832049828618,0.0,0.3472455112288864,0.0
suicidewatch,TrailEagle,2019/02/01,"Is it weird if i just want to die after having tons of money for my family, wife, and children? Title sums it up. I just want to get a lot of money so everyone knows im rich and have it all. Perfect life, and invest a lot of money for my children to get his life together till he can be a man someday. I personally do not have a desire to see my future grandchildren. 

Just let my wife, kid, family live their happy live is enough. Then i just want to die and give em all those money i have saved for legacy.",2.424789719626169,3.4182955327102853,4.624380841121496,85.7304030373832,74.98130841121495,7.592990654205607,20.85163551401869,8.07648339933343,0.8184028037383171,390,8,85,6,8,136,63,107,0.102,0.745,0.153,0.6049,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,3,21,18,8,2,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,4,14,16,6,5,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,3,4,61,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920029614385023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951375070525335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045886808006945,0.0,0.0,0.35607102219508924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973376913579073,0.18116674633415095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010394613641081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039956068906686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037896668563408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311684273549748,0.2667874806165518,0.0,0.0,0.33352452168443725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211152188933332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649007392135641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049283573271716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33417438726977905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrw000222,2019/02/01,"Anyone wants to go together Someone from England, not backing out the last minute?",8.110714285714284,10.225105785714286,6.727142857142859,71.76785714285714,62.57142857142857,8.457142857142857,42.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.4515142857142855,67,4,9,1,1,20,14,14,0.076,0.924,0.0,-0.0191,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39500865023387066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343924048548419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210598596857313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604892221612328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786590648084081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332073638044399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1234567randomhelp,2019/02/01,"Is it fucked up to leave gifts for your loved ones if you decide to die? Suicide is in my head all the time now. At this point I’m constantly just researching and whatnot, but what keeps the days going are small goals for what to do before I die. 

I feel that if I write some long book explaining or saying sorry to everyone it’ll be okay. I was thinking of embroidering a pillow for my mom and a last gift from me or leaving my sister with a bunch of gifts to make up for years I won’t be there. I don’t the people around me to feel bad, and they tell me it’s the worse things I can ever do and I’ve always been so focused on caring for others but I can’t take it anymore. What about what I want? ",3.088476821192053,3.4228128476821205,4.365225165562915,90.66081788079471,72.84105960264901,7.364503311258278,22.384768211920534,7.1686216300943375,0.46336238410596,544,11,128,5,10,180,100,151,0.154,0.727,0.119,-0.6922,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,2,1,1,7,5,1,0,7,1,14,3,1,1,2,25,27,11,3,3,7,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,18,3,22,21,3,17,0,0,0,2,10,8,1,5,8,91,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187237405261666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909342190441098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178405340122367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236310318569112,0.0,0.0,0.1450857191707261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383944069408316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425345556496373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996049964339248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539109372605456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422996342851195,0.0,0.16292317513324175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724231462590149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762751975160166,0.0,0.0,0.09690093395705868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498553865343114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155113484556293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898291660708048,0.0,0.3610766748638961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089002286731096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388585229709628,0.0,0.11381225243715247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969136162715545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553742407918738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182054946220224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118069563371998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559103872011366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908644443001424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650289658645647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819723483942655,0.0,0.14902736762799146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132747921091748,0.10925160669927028,0.0,0.0,0.09942182416011383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056724246258872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737573921167685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097985115937669
suicidewatch,throwawaylolomgwtfdq,2019/02/01,"Things are finally looking up. Why am I receding again? My parents just shelled out $2k to pay off the medical bills I couldn't pay, I'm doing okay in school, I'm starting to make friends and maybe even a boyfriend...why do I feel so miserable?

I mean, I did just find my old conversations with my ex that brought back a lot of feelings, but even before that. I've been panicking nonstop for almost a week. I guess beginning when I came out of my room to see people for the first time in months...but shouldn't that have made me happy? 

I haven't talked to anyone but the one person who may or may not end up being my boyfriend in a few days, aside from my parents. But with my parents it's just been about money and how they're stressed so I need to grow up because my stress isnt as bad. With the guy, he's nice, super nice...but I just don't feel right talking to anyone who is nice to me. Having people who care feels foreign and wrong. 

I dunno. I'm about nineteen, and my plan is to off myself when I hit 28, so nine more years should go by fast...if I make it that long. Probably gonna eat some food, go back to my dorm, hack up my wrists in the meantime, idk.",2.2945378690629,3.4495514105691107,3.370042789901582,93.96171373555842,75.54471544715446,6.479760376551133,23.516474112109538,6.8360192770164,0.485125203252033,901,26,211,8,19,290,145,246,0.087,0.792,0.121,0.911,3,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,3,17,12,0,3,9,1,20,4,1,4,0,40,44,15,0,4,9,4,4,0,1,5,1,0,2,2,10,10,2,0,6,0,4,5,6,5,0,3,6,6,27,7,33,30,4,35,0,1,2,0,14,14,0,8,16,130,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041686526409978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681685830753482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493558351160352,0.1004069460139821,0.07330563392205837,0.0,0.10232717358776323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375383742588044,0.12260681978886515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755378819583299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304971519029108,0.0,0.0,0.10650922239650848,0.0,0.0,0.15885307432442594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432158494804421,0.0,0.0,0.13173222031627316,0.1099098449926629,0.1022878677289466,0.14541143893914196,0.0,0.09290783015911654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366860742258497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132473178948466,0.11907022284783005,0.0,0.1280124648810644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642087760847138,0.10098295158911184,0.0,0.0,0.10223552730005717,0.0,0.11378710532620845,0.16054076415124746,0.0,0.12081116067952954,0.13099170184566622,0.0,0.12114310768096545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916670983656583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261861920672191,0.0,0.08148712442002677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005830250621363,0.0,0.0,0.16673776352835734,0.10500102787883124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296539948745526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269613521214596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170332142310734,0.09582675320739617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511629759345765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755007694772977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933109872124235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798913179155406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012098997333127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646038897237813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702079990093576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147871280160747,0.0,0.07743954001642621
suicidewatch,Central_mass_gas,2019/02/01,"When has “painless” ever been a option? I’ve searched like I’m sure many of you have as well, the most painless/efficient way out with variables such as ...mess , who would find me and closure. This started to feel like the last math problem I had to complete before passing in my exam to check out. Every source I’ve found seems to be people in my position trying to drive me away from the thoughts and seek “help” . I figured I would make my own post to gather others thoughts. “Painless” has been non existent for a lot of us since a young age mentally or physically...how would it make sense to take the biggest step “painlessly” ? Over dosing seems cliche I’ll admit but it seems to provide comfort knowing my anxiety could be drowned out by benzo and or oxy to keep me numb while I send a 12 gauge slug to my forehead a couple min after alerting 911 they will need to pick up a body. ",6.082931034482758,5.984389362068968,6.047724137931037,82.69468965517244,66.29885057471265,8.569195402298849,32.91724137931034,7.908726449838941,2.2506593103448265,695,27,137,7,10,219,121,174,0.071,0.8240000000000001,0.105,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,1,0,4,8,0,0,10,0,13,4,2,3,2,36,29,10,1,6,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,11,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,6,1,15,5,28,16,3,24,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,8,11,85,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832707302520835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532363132615747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316182799984232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181068427239998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217533162556888,0.0,0.0,0.1234965718615007,0.1711465674957514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991371877747347,0.13032159363978882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820906865348838,0.11050089812592752,0.0,0.0,0.14137148760803386,0.0,0.0,0.16959476115927155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036763746351141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748354982277794,0.0,0.0,0.08500614050509171,0.12608196407988811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113421643154004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150040000298127,0.0,0.0,0.20649548410615484,0.15681765896454658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558774973075679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146906395469006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723318585343294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813729778262136,0.0,0.0,0.14800448832804233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224349358686566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279499709531466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094807986607432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578073856509605,0.0,0.11629745261326685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455916727494997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501516709830404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605674363502947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277497901360995,0.0,0.0,0.13907271871715687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296331704160143,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aya310,2019/02/01,"What's wrong with me? I am so done rn ,I hate myself so much and I keep paying for other ppl's mistakes . I have family drama on a daily basis and most of it isn't my fault  I have no power , energy or motivation to do anything . I'm drowning in toxicity and physical illness and I can do nothing about it , everything is consuming me and I'm torn , at one side I wanna kms because I'm a piece of shit and a petty excuse for a human . on the other side I know what's waiting for me if I do it ain't gonna be pretty , everyone looks down on me and I don't even wanna change their minds anymore I'm sick of it.",-0.19443496801705606,1.6435866567164188,3.5533049040511737,86.63492537313435,85.41791044776119,6.216631130063965,20.01918976545842,7.447530270364453,0.6977309168443493,468,14,104,8,14,175,83,134,0.209,0.73,0.061,-0.9611,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,4,5,2,0,5,0,13,3,1,1,0,19,23,11,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,8,0,2,2,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,17,0,17,20,3,8,0,0,1,0,3,8,1,3,0,77,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609197890239154,0.0,0.0,0.2042012104266236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512661619213225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26250324573901057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539372688577719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389664461538686,0.0,0.0,0.23711204212465276,0.22301565385977665,0.0,0.2339278975656359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449906366272185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056161770817456,0.0,0.0,0.1363733471320734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837830176344985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505545078212738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824142503735145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381006758612697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814866603743586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524514616315332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25471605257218816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27130629933575184,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dancebot1,2019/02/01,"I thought I was getting better. It’s been over a year since I wanted to seriously kill myself. I had a note planned out back then but went to therapy. Hashed out some of my problems / depression of 10+ years.. but after being discharged 4~ months ago from therapy I’m back in this never ending pit of despair and loneliness. 

I just want to take a knife and end it. I’m 29 5’0 tall and 100~ pounds and Asian. I just want to have affection or find someone to grow and learn with. But I never had success relationship wise. I’ve never even had a girlfriend. Ever. I’m so sick of doing everything by myself and feel like I will never find love. I have tried improving what I can change. Going to the gym, personality, my passions (music and arts). But I always am good enough to be the friend. 

I’m tired and honestly don’t think I will win against any of this societal standard that seems to go hand in hand with opportunity. Aka be the handsome somewhat tall manly man. ",2.337677046018186,4.652224481675397,3.8373325985119884,85.45566271700196,79.0523560209424,6.743565720584184,24.188757233397627,7.85451343220497,1.3882083769633504,760,27,150,13,19,251,124,191,0.159,0.594,0.248,0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,5,7,17,1,0,7,0,16,6,2,1,5,39,33,15,1,4,7,0,3,1,2,2,2,0,0,4,6,12,0,0,7,2,0,4,5,5,0,0,7,3,16,12,24,21,3,26,0,2,0,2,8,7,0,4,16,97,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298470767052187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544285877598573,0.0,0.0,0.09434801034910112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21336511147829804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270432401982788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467686057936405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949662551513887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24576505698452564,0.14335558769259665,0.0,0.09163651274762626,0.12549834318342945,0.0,0.0,0.12469063571007988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015115189342061,0.09911593913918301,0.0,0.0,0.25361183482518473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107190239772666,0.0,0.07248596424596418,0.0,0.157698366701287,0.116368594589195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349533978103932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778139386978352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252183367832226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074100626060893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280196035127433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114248428181495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275551697987642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895492128799914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630375590886478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476722586815502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175540174983857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431527191862652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173227400430121,0.0,0.0,0.08889903962948999,0.0,0.11014412417530403,0.0,0.1594613096793855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419540553367126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454974771506931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286134418868196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868812236879436
suicidewatch,tanbaoshan,2019/02/01,"Honestly whats so bad about suicide U either go to heaven, reincarnate or nothingness. Even hell may seem relaxing now. Im just tired. I am close to giving up on life. I have been depressed for 4 years. I want to stop and move on",-0.13477203647416405,2.1860549148936173,2.0924012158054737,92.02,95.59574468085106,6.089969604863223,19.480243161094226,7.447530270364453,0.9063519756838908,179,6,38,4,7,60,41,47,0.338,0.455,0.207,-0.8849,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,8,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,8,6,1,9,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,3,3,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549971015220925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630414576516065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171449849177456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929684942153597,0.17356644201274493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298855169981144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157137776476338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32459296047692043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780256255598741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553289341120287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340591557138872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510135550378854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801334388066861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966682488743652
suicidewatch,John769_3,2019/02/01,"man plans, and god laughs i lost a lot in the last couple years

used to be a writer for articles that garnered hundreds of thousands of views
used to own a successful business
used to go to a real good school that I worked my butt off to get into
used to have plenty of great friends
used to be active in my community
used to volunteer often
used to be ambitious and hard-working
used to enjoy life
used to rescue animals
used to be a pre-medical student 
used to have a 4.0 GPA
used to be featured on local, regional and national news for some of those things
used to work at a suicide hotline

all of those things have been taken from me

i was going to be a doctor—an oncologist. i was going to be a husband and a father. i was going to live in a small red cabin up north. 

after that, i also gained some things

depression
anxiety
suicidal ideation 
a drug addiction
a week long psych hospital stay
psych meds

off the meds and kicked the drug addiction in the last few months. hasn’t helped. i have zero motivation. i used to feel on top of the world. if you told me two or three years ago that this is where i’d be, i’d laugh you out of the room.

society thinks people with suicidal ideation have a mental illness. if that were true, it would probably be more consistent across geographical populations and not increase in prevalence so dramatically. i don’t think the person is messed up, i think the world is messed up. and that’s placing unnatural circumstances in healthy peoples lives causing them to end their lives. ",8.442881274131272,6.895268104729732,8.442200772200774,72.19391891891892,62.20945945945947,11.970656370656373,36.683397683397686,10.914260884657429,3.823430308880308,1213,46,231,26,14,396,166,296,0.097,0.753,0.15,0.9407,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,2,9,4,12,0,0,22,0,25,7,1,16,2,43,51,12,3,3,4,2,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,2,13,10,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,4,0,4,8,3,18,8,49,33,8,43,0,2,2,1,11,27,1,7,10,153,31,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423572519112069,0.0,0.0,0.057877994609389374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052214508540951936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994869846492595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707353714254582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224507523592005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056236463690543664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682979386616672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514374896951458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782990793226923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033013925617542794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044493935263904,0.0,0.034112714721603425,0.0,0.1484292704471632,0.054764376953103065,0.0,0.07198537702564467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584893895331341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043764286922594514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644444833601707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611812956229289,0.0,0.0,0.17296381825373805,0.05778194052772408,0.0,0.0,0.07127464029607042,0.05550947606357808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217576244616812,0.0,0.06579963411098924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211597022746072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053140466823534,0.05701102344378304,0.06821692232055826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703965198312449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431732997424895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607964751398265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959327733723693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214258684716686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013260605106486,0.12551068097604107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062389925041070535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637814315659323,0.0,0.0,0.789486401394354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237382536337405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260148029176048,0.0,0.0,0.04638202515620807,0.0,0.0,0.08409265167283789
suicidewatch,ABardInTheHand,2019/02/01,"I lost my job yesterday. I couldn’t keep my friends, I couldn’t keep my wife, and now I couldn’t even keep my job. I’ve now truly become a burden to everyone I know. I serve no purpose here, so is there really any point in going on? I’ve been looking online for another job, but it’s daunting. I barely have an education and I’m not highly skilled in one area to save my life. 

So I think I’ll just go ahead and end it. ",0.9073913043478256,2.3336903913043514,3.388478260869565,91.25163043478264,79.8695652173913,6.773913043478261,21.282608695652172,7.6454224807358475,0.6313869565217387,324,9,77,5,8,113,61,92,0.063,0.836,0.101,0.6249,3,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,15,16,6,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,2,1,13,2,7,11,0,13,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,0,5,45,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679312002437282,0.19551020192772267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592055605978332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514030477555625,0.0,0.0,0.12314917205390165,0.0,0.0,0.17816198580626388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405163274401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192887759709225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969957903788312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550717458135903,0.4971788288534772,0.0,0.0,0.10246863094082824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316959034504344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657193834801525,0.0,0.20353336607498465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634406917281207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625652571682224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944532861199865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947031590900728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ravenous-Hydrant,2019/02/01,"1st week at a psych ward. First of all I want to excuse myself for my english and mobile formating.

Anyway, let’s begin. I volunteraly addmitted myself to a psychiatric hospital because of my 3 year long battle with depression, anxiety, mood swings and lately suicidal thoughts and even substance abuse: a ton of weed, lsd and some coke.
I’ve just had enough.

I’m otherwise healthy 18 year old male.
I’m used to hit the gym 5 times a week, training with my football team but here is none of it.  You can try and catch some air by opening a fucking window.

Im here for almost a week now and even though I’ve been transfered to a calmer department  I don’t feel any better and the hospital environment itself isn’t doing me any good.

I think taht the cause of my problems are scars from messy divorce of my parents, my ex-girlfriend and a lot of other factors that would make up for a book.

I force myself to function by pure willpower and I do not see an end to this. I’m just too drained.

Only thing keeping me here is that I don’t want to cause any hurt to anyone by just giving up and ending it all.

I’m either feeling down or right up angry even though I consider myself a really calm person.
 
I just talked to the doctor and they plan on keeping me here for another few weeks, If I try to sign a reverse, they will change my status to unvoluntary and even prolong my stay.

I feel like I’m loosing my mind. The only thing they let you do here is watch tv, smoke and read some shitty books. Majority of other patients are either total nut cases or medicated to vegetable-like state. 

I just want to get out and try. Try to keep myself busy as always and hopefully survive. But here, oh man, just laying here doing nothing drives me insane to the point of tying hang-man’s nooses on my shoelaces. 

I do not recognize myself in the mirror anymore.
This is not help at all. I’m on the edge...

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suicidewatch,Sawbaws,2019/02/01,"Thought i was healing, a familiar feeling arrived. After being riddled with suicidal thoughts for the past year of my life, I felt like in the past 3 days things kinda began to clear since I started taking medication for it. It may have been placebo, the thoughts existed but I felt a little calmer and more collected about everything. But no, it returned today harder than ever. I really, really want to. I have important tests next week which I've not prepared for and nothing really feels like it has a point. I recognise this feeling as the one I've had for ages and it feels a little refreshing to feel it again. I feel like it's a big part of me now. I really want to be dead soon but I recognise there's a few loose ends to tie. Life feels too much to go through for another 60 years so I feel like cutting it short sooner rather than later is a better investment.",4.152186234817815,5.675585181286548,5.135321637426902,81.67331983805671,71.45614035087719,8.536392262708052,28.943319838056677,9.057496981413335,2.451340620782726,690,27,131,14,13,226,107,171,0.104,0.7290000000000001,0.166,0.7934,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,11,0,10,4,0,0,2,28,29,8,2,3,5,0,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,13,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,9,10,13,5,21,17,4,26,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,23,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257765351759834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608476351026834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735690518126208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623883126187976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085003496322858,0.0,0.0,0.10780204126393587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851968122905847,0.25707384921445725,0.23033887716785514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816953710106538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944644596081018,0.2344032517683862,0.24043995947465374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083556602775194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817600112618049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756666601891234,0.0,0.0,0.11509388888147945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128025598615972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989261346314726,0.2290089669189313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113390170375938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30736850410144606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922269742495303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490021590809886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120426820592554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018639758944946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796885006982883,0.0,0.0,0.2856773009065589,0.0,0.0,0.11369722006614405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149754984288024,0.0,0.09621550844997724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448589407920388
suicidewatch,therewillbeniccage,2019/02/01,relapsed addict here not sure what to say other than i have an overwhelming desire to self harm. Probably will and im ok with that but would also like to just chat with anyone about their day. Im a kind of christian but feeling bleak. I have a history of self harm and often felt close to suicide but its weirdly comforting i guess. I suposse this is one of those times am close to it and that scares me.,1.5060433604336083,3.897571609756103,2.641382113821141,92.35307588075884,82.90243902439025,5.595663956639567,21.30623306233063,6.937597516519254,0.5420363143631439,320,10,66,4,9,102,59,82,0.21600000000000005,0.659,0.125,-0.8917,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,2,3,1,6,1,0,0,1,19,9,7,1,2,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,8,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,3,6,5,12,6,0,4,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342748636465584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185702455725166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026445133716726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859398966505315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086608910842368,0.0,0.20633958847538286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367387437957148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642620012552973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378732756915945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499024546328337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562313385886808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317006666431556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708986688855817,0.2151543579033044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483792378018206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506787078844502,0.0,0.20254255968172766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531106456240576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526601907979998,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flat-Vanilla-Coke,2019/02/01,"Tired of this I’ve posted before, but nothing has changed.  Meds don’t work no matter how many different combinations I’ve been told to try.  To top it off, my first psychiatrist appointment was just pushed back another month because the doctor is suddenly not taking any new patients.  I don’t know how to deal with this.",6.323,7.51006996666667,6.38666666666667,75.99000000000002,66.0,10.0,31.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.222666666666667,258,10,46,6,4,82,51,60,0.08,0.863,0.057,-0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,6,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,26,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003905351828573,0.2467741756308787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096168837298465,0.0,0.1434608854596692,0.0,0.2002567353157893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489581780315349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262487783017656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245879877603154,0.0,0.2408801361462918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001798128064555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293365342530603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385974989528896,0.0,0.0,0.2614093325423705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878458884509932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729253082563575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258147714845173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253903609195171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694615205543282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704883439454348,0.0,0.2248771508729483,0.0,0.1597801955928948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133009096776508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jettersk,2019/02/01,"I need help I have been dealing with pretty severe depression and anxiety for a while now. I’m a 22 year old recent college grad. I’m going through a lot of life changes; got a 9-5 office job that I hate so much, had a falling out with my best friend and moved into my own place that is way too expensive and am just dealing with the shift to adulthood. I don’t feel like there’s anyone in my inner circle who can help me. I reached out to one of my friends who I knew experienced this a long time ago but she didn’t want to help. My boyfriend of 3 years doesn’t know how to help and I can’t blame him, because he shouldn’t be expected to know how to help but it’s putting a huge strain on our relationship. I went to one therapy session, she definitely wasn’t the right one for me. She doesn’t prescribe medication, so I made an appointment with someone who does, but because I can’t take time off yet with my new job, I can’t see her for another month. I’ve just never experienced anything like this and feel like nobody knows how to help me. Every single day is a struggle. Going to this new job takes everything out of me, I cry in my cube at least twice during my shift.  But because of my new expensive rent, I can’t really quit. I just am looking for some sort of support or anything. My life feels like it’s spinning out of control and nobody can help me ",5.223591549295777,4.726674140845071,5.999401408450705,83.66452464788735,68.15492957746478,9.21267605633803,31.13028169014085,8.660442795831766,2.1444197183098592,1072,38,235,15,16,353,153,284,0.07200000000000001,0.742,0.187,0.9852,4,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,3,12,12,1,2,11,0,20,3,0,5,1,44,42,17,0,4,8,0,3,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,10,16,0,1,7,0,3,6,11,4,0,4,8,7,35,8,36,32,7,38,0,1,2,0,22,14,0,4,21,148,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260311810654065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771287906487514,0.07128647539382657,0.0,0.0,0.06515730644688215,0.0,0.15336707226101712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041462441064076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779219028599764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857765821734177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451520240118006,0.0,0.0,0.10235964187682844,0.060096789200256136,0.19213984028062647,0.08026033527033379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154705648670198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851260781467906,0.0,0.08374891076647348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413518150732904,0.1997147234489146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398941467634532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591867116302664,0.0,0.07452877190865717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200116050335716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437220848811234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27741600098732105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363655979598376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163902200816124,0.18210246100682284,0.0,0.0,0.08246603031167213,0.0782521562859853,0.0,0.0,0.07922278299822225,0.0,0.08817415424284733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938743544929516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437959233019997,0.09904119322807717,0.0685018944305595,0.06909569589556715,0.07187022380781784,0.26999673916611844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778226391079316,0.0,0.18943424890243532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735877217825452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948029188405701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367693285288543,0.0,0.09911400352155872,0.0,0.0,0.05969686918866372,0.0,0.09200921075453236,0.100046104826838,0.0,0.07957971019985516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742565943098481,0.0,0.0,0.10527282934761896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895557565849272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741747539632574,0.0,0.0,0.10574553847350086,0.0,0.0,0.14012744982400047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656547578210296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867415895402996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054963085747386495,0.07396612877060448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638367754409917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001651551515108
suicidewatch,selfufullingofficey,2019/02/01,"Culture is imploding, I don’t want to be in this world a day longer Throwaway account. I’ve been thinking about for months how most of my life has been seeking an escape for reality anywhere. Mostly, into different eras, decades. The 1940’s, the War, the 50’s, the rock and roll of the 60’s-80’s. I live perpetually in the past and it makes me sick. I can’t stand the cancer of social media and modern young adult life. At New Years I realized the 2010s is almost at an end and there’s literally nothing to define it, explain it or rationalize it within a single thought. Why is this the case? How was culture defined by decades like this, and creating memories for everyone who lives through these fantastic historical events. There is no cultural zeitgeist, and there never will be again because of the world we live in. People need new things new ideas faster than they can be marketed, sold, or recorded. You ever think about how fast memes seem to die nowadays? Memes are the only thing I think my generation can “remember” and when
The only thing to mass market becomes nostalgia, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Every movie, tv show, song, fashion trend, seems to be in reference to something of the past, and nothing really new is being created. It’s all just recycled shit.  And through the natural progression of time, you’ll run out of people who “remember” what you’re selling  and the only nostalgia we will feel for is a mess of social media bullshit and depressed, anxious kids. Why would I want to keep living in a world like this? Seriously tell me ",6.4598534997287045,7.5244723917525755,6.6436389943932,74.71009224091158,65.63230240549828,9.837655995659253,34.55977572797973,9.93914555978268,3.549889347079038,1250,56,216,27,19,401,173,291,0.116,0.82,0.064,-0.9624,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,2,2,1,1,12,7,2,0,22,0,24,5,1,4,3,46,38,17,2,4,3,0,1,2,0,4,4,1,0,3,17,15,0,1,13,4,3,1,4,5,0,0,5,2,15,2,35,24,4,38,0,1,0,0,17,14,1,7,24,141,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319701666381163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164254344346612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282278407442721,0.2276374202815143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664634439306663,0.0,0.08876311636751424,0.0,0.10695722469136344,0.10767296193255456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127819408349117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322124362842127,0.08683023463954169,0.09847568309157843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052108876145979456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633916703670855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160207880195988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455848619328549,0.1006971992000509,0.0,0.3640059970463081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879155954193653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225936743394263,0.0,0.0,0.07641569493342956,0.07948415637344866,0.3981335969044542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777255081526893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351392012109215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675974105700228,0.14289393536017006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602115638717289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334877013245528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763902219100495,0.1075112578955888,0.0,0.10578685522117014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101079133192274,0.0,0.07933855777214181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007663774355168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054001069071648,0.1981049029353465,0.0,0.08181599831144895,0.060093550474762336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157175171722012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859863986215854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320896134146071,0.0,0.0,0.06636553346564802
suicidewatch,fbgvrpkw,2019/02/01,"I can't get rid of suicide thoughts I ordered a rope, hope it will arrive tomorrow. I don't expect anything from life anymore.",3.848399999999998,5.5868116400000005,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,72.6,6.6000000000000005,36.5,7.1686216300943375,2.7474,101,6,18,1,2,33,22,25,0.184,0.6970000000000001,0.119,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329993886107871,0.0,0.0,0.3592924875596237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811048818052634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336518337032547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083902625247561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775800222537808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34661924135532224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwskyway,2019/02/01,"Simple question I have a small room in house, is a small bowl of heated coal going to kill me? I can’t burn the house down. ",1.8922222222222231,2.6959102592592608,3.2231481481481516,95.9991666666667,76.03703703703705,5.4,17.203703703703702,3.1291,-0.9229851851851856,95,1,23,0,2,31,23,27,0.183,0.8170000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934972269361664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8094791045422582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880731812279819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39294080137221177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sangriahallucination,2019/02/01,"Second interview and DUI advice I'm currently working in a very toxic environment that is terrible for my mental health (bullying, miss-management, sexual-harassment. etc). I had an interview with this big law firm for a barista/front of house position that went very smoothly. They asked me all the usual interview questions (tell me about yourself, weakness, situation where you've resolved a blah blah blah) and I gave in-depth answers. At the end I asked them questions. I'm very scared of new situations so I have the tendency to over-prepare and research extensively so I found out through one of their LinkedIn pages that she was a ballerina turned hotel manager turned hiring manager which I was so curious about. The other woman was shocked to find out that she used to be a ballerina lol. I also asked about a very interesting company initiative and lastly about the rest of the hiring process.

I got a call back and they were very impressed by me and I have a second interview scheduled for next week with the head caterer and the legal support manager. I'm wondering what I can expect from this? Also it never came up in the first interview but I have a DUI which I know I have to disclose but I don't know how? I'm so nervous. I wasn't sure if I wanted the job or was even semi-qualiffied when I went in for the first interview but after seeing the office and speaking with two really incredible women it would honestly be amazing. I really want to work there.",4.439100481347771,6.725871675090254,5.524968411552347,76.00829497593263,72.32129963898915,9.237605294825512,30.67524067388689,9.725611199111238,3.3635392298435614,1182,53,204,32,24,390,158,277,0.064,0.8440000000000001,0.092,0.8147,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,5,16,12,0,2,22,1,17,3,1,2,3,38,40,21,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,12,14,0,0,9,1,0,3,3,5,0,6,13,3,28,7,31,24,4,26,0,0,1,0,23,9,0,5,14,145,40,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720026679457197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545851405135987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30767181365293345,0.0,0.0,0.08435465040062934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201878281036373,0.12547073155928815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716408328888887,0.0,0.12234757530120817,0.07245763792591801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026633462198713,0.18662622213987767,0.0,0.12028341329815052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773931819798332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258668035020572,0.1166089032673848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658225532703085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088630612513433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205795351384959,0.08942239071065003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055457907051347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460953097902753,0.10595160859105407,0.1166701291300346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433742887206622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578439427825316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055679349143124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983159992046808,0.0,0.0874188959457887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662099577216284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448939128521792,0.10339355241797492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588504702549187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23865020048664495,0.1071636554603388,0.0,0.0,0.0947479614951996,0.12082209074594215,0.4525813273719375,0.1294110595420349,0.0,0.08799693639015815,0.0,0.0,0.2033911139832779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189679629195157,0.15972983073528202,0.0,0.0,0.07792969272341534,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReikoHazuki,2019/02/01,"Not so interesting title I will have to pen this. Eventually.



To everyone,

I wish I could scream so much at even anyone at all just so they could ask me how I am. I tell them, I need help. I need help. Please help me. I don't really want to die. Or maybe I do, I don't know. It's just so much pain. It's just too much pain. I can't keep going on like this. I don't want to go on like this.

But really, no one listens. No one really listens.

Please don't blame yourselves after I'm gone. There is no need for blame. I chose to go. I'll be in a better place. A much better place really. Just be happy for me. Be happy.

Painkillers only do so much, for so long. The pain never goes away. I tell them, I've been increasing the painkillers, increasing the antidepressants. They only say that it's bad for me. Yes it's bad for me, but it's the only thing keeping me here. Keeping me alive. My hands have been shaking so much at even small tasks like eating and holding utensils, but I always try to hide it. It's not your burden to bear. I cannot be your burden to bear. There's only so much a mind can bear until it breaks. Antidepressants help to numb and push things away. For a while. Just like painkillers. For a little while.

You don't have to ask anything anymore. You don't owe me anything, neither do I owe you anything. I wanted someone to be there, anywhere. I just wanted someone. I don't blame you. I don't blame any of you. Everyone has their lives. Mine is just at the end. The very end. While it's technically true that we all live lives alone, but is it really?

I am sorry. I truly am. Please forgive me. Please forgive my actions. They aren't impulsive (re)actions. I have given them this many years to think through. And I have made my decisions.

Even if there is no place to go after this, it still is a better place than here. Thank you all for really, everything. Thank you.


Love you all,
Me.",-0.4815120200622616,1.7504508392857192,1.4200639916983775,96.71525077827742,96.7295918367347,4.494361812521619,15.827741265997926,6.284505531432783,-0.4205914562435145,1467,36,328,18,59,479,153,392,0.096,0.6920000000000001,0.212,0.9936,2,1,0,0,0,1,73.0,1,10,7,3,28,26,0,1,12,1,39,7,1,2,6,47,69,22,1,11,15,0,1,4,0,1,4,4,0,0,20,4,1,4,5,0,2,10,19,10,0,2,5,5,57,16,36,56,14,38,0,0,0,1,32,15,0,2,16,224,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116134716489615,0.0,0.0,0.05717102638734362,0.0,0.0,0.04672417719426642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814042938365147,0.0480426229907685,0.0,0.1696238726007044,0.0,0.12846645801492088,0.0,0.1291079085013465,0.0,0.11473755596413322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823014144164114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971638923844243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713086380206344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030601040813762,0.0,0.0,0.12171078148033634,0.0,0.0,0.13614406843054966,0.0,0.0,0.13130794782073474,0.06175082374102235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619463307670134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462830803692846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421559890834252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832139763744459,0.0,0.0,0.03776042791606375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427012804732885,0.0688640279151418,0.18201275291792832,0.06080491382863989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062012158329381915,0.06501370116139428,0.0,0.06965969601857107,0.0690269839878863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937605940306875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35356088325636903,0.15283958081823226,0.05299227753492208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931173974477536,0.20902382526591065,0.21933225776294726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871432870182939,0.3016854661374598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640987790830417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463980499600287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643308053172526,0.0,0.0,0.0769136081238916,0.0,0.0,0.05487074509617222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201086204976933,0.12651522227465115,0.0,0.0,0.09129382900567676,0.04402567117927544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664860236857099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056691758079032414,0.1621043564238574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901145359816987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424606020401283
suicidewatch,secretaccount909,2019/02/01,"What is control I don’t want to lose, but afraid I will. 

Its all hitting me this month. Tried to make the big change this year, move across country. leave the toxic environment, go to school, become me but better. 

I didn’t fail but I didn’t succeed either. 4 months jobless in a new city isn’t helping either, apparently I lost my license yesterday too. 

Money is the thing that makes me want to die. The emotional turmoil didn’t have any valid solution before but now... when I took out a loan for upgrading they forced me to get life insurance. 

I’ve been avidly networking for the last 3 months with no job prospects. I just have nothing to stand out as am I. I’m a friendly face nothing more.. I can’t afford anymore events, or coffees or rent or debts or anything. 

Today I ate a piece of bread with mayonnaise on it.

If I plan it right, my significant other will be set. If I continue like this I’ll lead them to debt and poverty.

When I was in high school a girl committed suicide. Her mom read a excerpt from her diary, she had wrote “I want to graduate high school and not kill myself”. Can’t stop thinking about it, I want to get married and experience life. This debt though, I don’t know if I can win this mental battle. 

I’d rather die then keep making everyone around me suffer. ",2.485755208333334,4.623238148437501,3.596562500000001,88.27552083333336,77.671875,6.6104166666666675,24.338541666666664,7.6454224807358475,1.1969432291666666,1010,35,205,15,24,326,165,256,0.203,0.638,0.159,-0.958,8,0,0,0,0,3,34.0,0,0,2,9,9,13,2,2,11,0,20,5,1,5,2,40,39,19,4,8,16,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,13,8,2,3,2,1,6,4,10,8,0,0,10,0,30,5,24,25,5,32,0,4,0,0,10,11,0,7,16,127,43,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944802593420004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586341217591695,0.0,0.0,0.0961406751898451,0.104002971510618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902893843985985,0.09941324914827253,0.0,0.0,0.103326146263122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359005723887664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310341519638804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425010289315933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141739598455987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163553721293204,0.0,0.11428161082523937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026213608364687,0.0,0.12207712162599355,0.0,0.06639686349031844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830831144817968,0.24687343698044675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593519282503345,0.10384337489051296,0.129254466422556,0.0,0.0642064052597176,0.0952315871953928,0.0,0.12370550887105153,0.0,0.0,0.16504017805929486,0.05707696344731762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070226033954827,0.1275331354200612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23395367660576005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177365976567394,0.0,0.0,0.1368292289528363,0.2797564348676089,0.1241712063506024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283460184686615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420199853503306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686105641464048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977170402008087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547128936703431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976746437086037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779244594987604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761628914639797,0.07485958824012963,0.11478433232090852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074064928398172,0.0,0.1298018073400663,0.07931952135536371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27563612430589385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523432941278096
suicidewatch,gotchamomandchick,2019/02/01,"I’m afraid of myself I used to have confidence. I had self esteem. Then it was taken from me. And I can’t seem to find it anymore. What do you do when the only person you hate is yourself?

It’s been 13 years since my last suicide attempt. I always knew it wouldn’t be my last. ",-0.34528571428571553,1.7188152333333375,1.9128571428571417,96.61500000000002,88.33333333333334,4.095238095238095,16.9047619047619,5.288315135182226,-0.7090238095238095,214,5,49,1,7,72,47,60,0.136,0.81,0.055,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,10,0,0,1,0,6,16,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,10,0,4,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588561224642995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28114497709027536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591038699360569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798867611577485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621628501613284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156062087414933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475317172222847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580777980333918,0.29574092187764306,0.0,0.0,0.2345050843921541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100910254078991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24484353182464225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825576635620186
suicidewatch,sylar1412,2019/02/01,"My [20F] girlfriend has suicidal thoughts, how can I help?  Hello everybody.

I \[24M\] need some help, or maybe I simply need to tell somebody about my story.

My girlfriend told me that she feels useless and that her last year was full of failures. Then she told me that when she was 14 she tried to cut her vains.

Yesterday she shows me the scars and tell me that I am the only person that prevents her to try again, and I will be the first to know if she decides to die.

Before going to sleep she ensure me that she'll not die tonight and she will go to sleep and, whatever happens she will always love me.

As you can understand I am quite scared about that and I want to fully support her in order to get out from this thoughts.

In this moment I simply keep listening to her and try to show her that I am deeply in love, but I am terrified to do something in a wrong way.

Do you have any suggestions?

There is any book on the argument that I might read?",4.174165005978477,4.90310457512954,4.506735751295338,89.19413312076527,70.60621761658031,7.803746512554803,26.2451175767238,7.882392219407189,1.260230290952571,745,22,161,9,13,234,108,193,0.139,0.7879999999999999,0.073,-0.9489,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,2,6,8,1,1,5,0,19,4,2,1,0,26,38,14,3,4,4,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,2,6,4,0,2,1,5,0,1,6,2,38,3,23,26,2,20,0,1,0,2,32,7,0,4,9,114,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691208694358216,0.0,0.0,0.19109753354761236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956009284562495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916456889058905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104395764549534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951416748714268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340848488998443,0.0,0.15970537592470796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242488209261938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835616112625905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488801693620642,0.0,0.0,0.07721831687330029,0.11453098560268955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25362395270093874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411569681951967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149054457066876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083665508000228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686099750597693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268425093664835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944522073402727,0.14054382966734588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067082404355072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812145568277524,0.0,0.0,0.10816823456772293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536905476245787,0.15944432448814855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456165363756465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230918318974712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685186392840336,0.0,0.2861826593226063,0.0,0.0,0.14627150008281314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287396523090489,0.11152696943131846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362104276535274,0.0,0.09048113291574003
suicidewatch,fucknugget1515,2019/02/01,"i’m so fucking miserable. i’ve come close to killing myself twice in the past week (? maybe it’s been longer, i don’t know) and i just really fucking want to die. i feel like everything i do is stupid, and i fuck everything up. i keep thinking about the first time i tried killing myself and how peaceful i felt when i thought i was about to die. i was actually excited for it to be over. i truly just feel like i wasn’t born with the capacity to deal with life, and at this point i don’t really want to learn how to deal with it either. it’s too late. i just want to give up ",1.2394456762749435,2.8736144227642297,3.065218033998523,93.00252771618624,79.5691056910569,7.074353288987436,21.750923872875084,8.00094639256281,0.7793154471544717,446,13,107,8,11,149,67,123,0.208,0.65,0.14300000000000002,-0.9285,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,6,1,3,0,9,4,0,2,0,26,25,8,4,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,7,0,2,6,3,17,3,19,18,1,15,0,1,0,3,3,7,3,0,9,68,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.14452234678745685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275733683953818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053652014607718,0.0,0.0,0.30740481694349103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662019805051645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497656617307435,0.21160257262484172,0.14219736604823394,0.0,0.0,0.12597213734365878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107428204641092,0.0,0.14206915756128666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316363637286556,0.3276971299034181,0.0,0.08139082272113066,0.0,0.16706106657291145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460604218498017,0.14470646642214824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487844107386914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137635946522575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000053973927262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975082377240546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948952592935745,0.0,0.11757331987883372,0.08635717192777168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005488638531473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620562252103944,0.0,0.11879533357808422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedsMyName,2019/02/01,Please anyone talk to me Please I'm fucking crying,0.8520000000000003,2.9771142000000026,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,107.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.031,42,1,7,0,2,13,9,10,0.242,0.429,0.329,0.0534,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469659884520169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879741430734824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32652815304527155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7754161274724918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838891674205332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,advice_seekers,2019/02/01,"What is the best way to kill myself ? To keep long story short, I'm really desperate now. I do not enjoy the life any longer. 

My problems are: 

- Bad job. Due to some mistakes, I was shifted to another deparment with lower income and worse career prospects. 

- Lacking money. I have a big investment loss but I hide it from my wife. We now spending more money than we earn. I cannot find any solution to improve the cashflow in short term. 

- Very bad mood. I think that everything I've done in the last year, include my office affair, are so stupid and I cannot forgive myself. I spend almost whole day to torture myself mentally. I lost interest in everything. 

I have some debt at the moment. If I die, these debt will be cleared and my wife will not be responsible for it. So I really want to die now. My only question is, what is the best way to die ? 

Basically, I have two options: 

- Die lonely. Jumping from a skyscraper and nobody will know about. Of course I will notice my wife the moment before I jump. 

- Make a noise of my death. I really hate my boss and I'm thinking about collecting some evidence about the bad things he do. After that I will public all of these bad things and kill myself, state that he is the reason I have to die. So I can destroy his image and reputation to an extent. But killing myself publicly is quite difficult, because people can intercept and save me. Maybe the only good option is jumping through the office's window ? We work at the 17th floor. 

Do you have any suggestion about good method ti kill myself ? Thank so much. ",2.3329999999999984,4.856616016666667,3.602916666666669,85.92937500000002,80.5,6.416666666666668,22.708333333333336,7.6454224807358475,1.226633333333334,1215,40,228,20,32,395,162,300,0.334,0.573,0.093,-0.9986,6,2,1,0,0,5,45.0,3,1,0,7,11,28,8,0,16,0,29,1,0,3,2,40,40,15,10,5,5,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,11,12,0,1,7,0,7,3,4,18,0,1,3,0,39,9,29,30,12,27,0,3,0,0,16,9,0,8,12,155,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499861816360236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354459454496445,0.0994794847812758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31685000616602066,0.057831881862470465,0.0,0.08072739703117572,0.0,0.19912045982852564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061183312618197885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923004984434094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708496564287436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052610820136352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670947689909342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914493850441974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366450086970554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414385327164433,0.08432483019784022,0.4198384709621078,0.0,0.05213808032383236,0.07733172605560186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700949870583797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395697973360804,0.0,0.0,0.10356183049937948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332647308102682,0.0,0.0953096835574068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560666355406568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697403784404816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801014324386364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430584599747825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657709245965807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077779387329044,0.0,0.0,0.10627613115695993,0.10090594094958484,0.0,0.0,0.18232848668804316,0.09754217814092454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734356554176041,0.0,0.0,0.1260548476926364,0.12157775252749173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267422153799383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827769968587751,0.055956794073265266,0.1506068074502219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591898607015622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906650233327616,0.0,0.09668065238044653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061093180566117414
suicidewatch,ivymoon13,2019/02/01,I wish I could just get it over & done with but I’m too much of a pussy to actually go through with it I’m tired of feeling guilty & worthless everyday. Nobody wants me. Not even my own mother wants me lol,0.33999999999999986,2.471174111111111,2.0800000000000023,96.18000000000002,85.66666666666667,5.377777777777778,20.11111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.09691111111111096,165,5,39,2,5,54,35,45,0.21600000000000005,0.645,0.139,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,10,10,1,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,7,8,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.26863487285938875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.596534422276949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197897459136104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817083810383151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818207253306829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391905141040523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438231355637936,0.0,0.15644872637209095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236345528242408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163953987199011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32473612700157395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165599493593636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ConfuzzledChild,2019/02/01,"I bought two box cutters today Okay so for my history and stuff I posted on r/abusiveparentstories and I've been cutting and burning for a while... And just wanted to get stitches for some reason....
So I bought box cutters and wanted to know if anyone went deep with them and how easy it is etc. I just want to see lots of blood 
Ps: I used To cut with scissors used for cutting clothes 
Please please just tell me rather then telling me to stop. ... I tried to hang myself when I was 6....it won't stop ",0.5018431073876606,2.9206583465346547,1.5766336633663371,97.59675552170604,89.29702970297029,3.8997715156131,18.66031987814166,5.369823440869387,-0.5322222391469915,387,11,85,2,13,121,67,101,0.095,0.7979999999999999,0.107,0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,0,8,4,3,0,1,1,4,1,1,4,0,25,15,13,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,3,0,1,5,1,12,1,14,9,3,11,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,6,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347912675008252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499269865076334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071586413657896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594292366505027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388859389051955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232134283660913,0.0,0.0,0.18462311472653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820260870216716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536150128532199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32233348933252826,0.0,0.0,0.22067880681122345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33698395688700306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272613310547114,0.0,0.0,0.13088011954738402,0.0,0.1883110754584062,0.0,0.0,0.3329877177109929,0.0,0.0,0.3411072862420915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870237464533606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MikeMandra,2019/02/01,"Just because people ‘care’ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. I’ve been told this several times by my friends and family. It’s always something along the lines of “nobody wants you to kill yourself” or “people would be sad”. I know some people stick around because they don’t want to make their family or friends sad or possibly put them through some serious trauma. 

At the end of the day if your suffering severely with mental illness (which is my situation) or physical disability or whatever it is, there may come a day when you don’t want to live and are ready to kill yourself. People caring or being sad that I decided to kill myself wouldn’t impact my decision very much at all. Whether people care or not has no variable in the decision whatsoever. People caring or being sad is not going to heal my mental illness or somehow turn my life around. I don’t see the point in suffering and living your life out for the sake of other people.",8.22019643953346,7.189484856353591,8.290902394106816,71.44100675260897,62.31491712707182,11.58035604665439,35.028238182934324,10.746095033038511,3.6938761203192136,753,27,135,16,9,246,106,181,0.211,0.682,0.106,-0.9761,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,5,3,0,6,17,3,0,7,0,18,5,0,1,1,40,33,15,3,7,14,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,9,11,0,0,2,1,17,6,21,24,4,16,0,6,1,0,11,8,0,14,5,95,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528936605095996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824959337951765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496778951188428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180279857994904,0.0,0.0,0.08829586968951204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220983109443896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078580576544314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325837247820896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838463624330873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058253900959452126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34020779701337805,0.0,0.05633208221510973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479952337505206,0.0,0.0,0.18102120707534625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842047244234105,0.0,0.0,0.11165406086971237,0.0,0.0,0.2065945810888685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535031415850382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974308942923165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689694305921967,0.11555491388050244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304220603745913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168033535568196,0.0,0.0,0.23159478521396745,0.0,0.0,0.11521585477877967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891057626560534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059769383651120576,0.0,0.0,0.0979444688574127,0.0,0.0,0.11149207615558404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457437993356487,0.18137392312783068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281404514375424,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChardonnayInTheGrave,2019/02/01,"the pain is so deep it cuts so deep.

i’m so good at pretending i’m ok, but as the weeks and years go by i get worse and worse.

i’m a character to everyone. 

i give them everything they want to see, but i’m always dragging around these chains and the links keep adding up.

i swing between euphoria and blade to my wrist, but the latter dominates.

no, i don’t cut. i rip the skin off my lips until they drip blood. i don’t normally realize i’m doing it until my nails are already digging through and peeling the last layer back.

that’s the only way they might be able to tell. my dry, scabbed lips that i lather in vaseline in a meager attempt to repair the damage that i’ve done.

i’m a burden to my surroundings and the people in it.

my character is slowly fading away.

i get high earlier and earlier in the day just to spare myself a few hours of pain.

i want to get help but i feel like i don’t know what to do anymore.

i don’t want to ask the people i love because i’ve exhausted their shoulders that i’ve cried on. i don’t want to lose them because i’m sad.

i can’t stop crying and my chest hurts.",1.924128010704728,3.2188302754237306,3.8042105263157886,89.91152988403212,76.75423728813557,7.171810883140052,23.438001784121322,7.85451343220497,1.0085372881355936,859,26,194,13,19,291,127,236,0.215,0.665,0.12,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,6,2,6,14,2,0,15,1,14,12,7,0,0,26,36,18,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,4,1,0,1,7,10,0,0,1,3,29,4,28,33,1,26,0,4,1,1,11,14,0,1,11,114,38,0,0.1385885781713807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293594223542745,0.0,0.11531679913811095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744262968416274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337321705736545,0.12956161250736922,0.0,0.13020853124903245,0.10656606205139196,0.0,0.16896462184119476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30446609100595223,0.08937816777352743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182423239592734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324273255257957,0.12455447781732976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007454924430097,0.09900770793694164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722043618577488,0.13294679251006325,0.07876308274983293,0.11624152407959874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289300262642697,0.14642644187900428,0.0,0.0,0.13648183295564098,0.0,0.14836193928961422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318389603924597,0.0,0.0,0.0761646581585565,0.11296818838080144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770737891505642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504516938838722,0.0,0.0,0.12508160265902005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702058046843094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578738146665048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054028587398454,0.2949360367912676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215974034935668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043715367888704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158662569370158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113252586063672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269725364469054,0.11000516258511273,0.1111673978749134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28246720222021715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924650053734995
suicidewatch,Spicylemon,2019/02/01,"Every day is one step closer to suicide. Anything that I'm capable of doing, won't help me. Anything that will help me, im incapable of doing. Please, someone just kill me.",1.521470588235296,4.064806735294121,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,84.58823529411767,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.6650235294117648,135,6,24,2,4,46,26,34,0.361,0.531,0.108,-0.9084,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48321248617402895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893465037339281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473690855464073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935852727084019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31713635983297234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32482282834923304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894968985013026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32228257858052684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876474101500784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32114869902755944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emsiedaisy,2019/02/01,"Suicide planned but with reservations I have the specifics planned. However I feel unsettled because I have several close friends (like I-was-made-a-bridesmaid close, and one of them is actually my sister) expecting their first baby this year, and I don’t want to ruin their  special time, especially bc having a newborn is so emotionally and physically taxing.

It’s ridiculous bc it is SO ME to worry first and foremost that I’m gonna ruin a person’s time by dying. I initially had it scheduled for Jan but then a good friend scheduled her wedding for the following week so I pushed the date back to Feb 2.

AND THEN my dad registered for an important trade show next week so I pushed it to Feb 9.

It’s weird because I’ve spent my whole life putting everyone’s needs before mine and being a people-pleaser but if I continue like this, I’ll NEVER kill myself bc there’ll always be an upcoming holiday or birthday or wedding or whatever.

I have struggled with depression for nearly a decade. But I have no regrets. I have experienced beautiful things.... love, joy, heartbreak, kindness, loss, wonder..... and I am ready to go.

But how do I deal with the guilt of abandoning people? I mean, no one’s actually dependent on me for anything, but my dying sure is gonna put a damper on things this year. Is this just my compulsive people-pleasing? Or am I supposed to keep living for their sake while dying inside and living an unproductive existence. 

I feel like I just need to know that I’m not being selfish. I have held off for YEARS bc I love my family and friends but I am suffering inside and have nothing left to give.",3.849643966547194,6.014137374193552,5.0271326164874575,79.47032855436083,73.64516129032258,8.334528076463561,29.86857825567503,9.049649993220411,2.7924456391875743,1286,57,232,29,27,424,167,310,0.16899999999999998,0.626,0.205,0.9434,1,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,4,5,10,27,2,2,13,0,22,3,0,2,2,48,42,30,5,6,15,2,2,3,3,2,1,0,0,2,13,15,0,3,5,2,3,6,5,14,0,4,3,3,35,13,25,34,1,32,0,8,0,2,18,7,0,8,22,150,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.2123757356693418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905429032192528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954557842233883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367211642095645,0.0,0.13266538368379793,0.0,0.0925936590339905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121836185711536,0.09372231001347302,0.0,0.3387987684839791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240237251254445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397751765817027,0.0,0.0,0.10258121806855564,0.0,0.1100403961570355,0.07773754894946529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511618401508576,0.0,0.0,0.25221089312985434,0.0,0.0,0.10438538580256616,0.0618421447002448,0.091268966390511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671988522586264,0.12038781646398378,0.113314210544915,0.05980194840578563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822795460180588,0.0,0.07685934271869117,0.15948472474490996,0.0,0.1921715026356549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641980229612208,0.1029635048407088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853157427999365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137007675109022,0.08392493469864343,0.0,0.1157261227573465,0.0,0.0,0.10441104975922026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747189333314314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543870842378622,0.09501317228597513,0.0,0.23889266722335964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187785164957961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293012127199343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375719773748648,0.0,0.1190260882606722,0.0,0.10255697005447513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458387135071468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690195202446086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418198160228336,0.0,0.17456986357849644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148820403088867,0.0,0.0,0.11800536421512432,0.0,0.11050704416049027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022012372540025
suicidewatch,Lusifir,2019/02/01,"Should i adopt a pet? (Yesterday i found this sub when i had the most suicidal mind in my life and wanted to ask you people a question. If this Is not the sub for this let me know.) 

I'm(19/M)  in depression for almost 5 years and suicidal for 1 year and only thing forcing me to stay alive is thoughts about what would my mom feel after i die. in the past 1 week i lost some friends and did something bad and fucked up things with more people and thought about killin myself more than the past year in one night but i want more reasons to stay alive. I cant talk to people about my problems and i have been faking that i am happy since 14 maybe 13 and most of the time i think i am living so empty ; grew up without a father figure, i have no talents, i have bad grades, no loved one, no friends and people dont like me and becouse of the Last 3 facts i think i am a bad person. 

Anyways that was the story about me the actual question is this

I have always wanted a dog  but this time its becouse of my loneliness. I want someone(thing) to love me Just becouse Who i am.  

Is it selfish? I mean what if one Day i Get bored and dont want him/her anymore. 


(Ps. English Is my 2nd language if there is any typos or anything u didnt understand let me know) 

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suicidewatch,jjungkooks,2019/02/01,Just kill me I’m so done and tired of being here. I just want to end my life now. I want to close my eyes and never open them again to face reality. I don’t want to wake up ever again. I feel like I’m at the end of the tunnel. This is where I should end my life. No one’s going to remember me after this. So I should do it now. I need to end everything. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live for myself.,-2.2308865248226937,-0.4996636276595723,1.1479787234042576,100.78416666666668,94.85106382978724,4.409929078014184,12.088652482269502,5.985473137389443,-1.2831390070921982,305,4,83,3,12,109,54,94,0.114,0.8140000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.7693,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,0,11,2,1,0,2,0,10,6,3,0,2,16,18,4,1,6,2,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,2,16,1,12,14,0,17,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,12,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455991460705626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904435929402168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6593128819396127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833693800523322,0.0,0.0,0.16725352128897525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409709967260896,0.13294895597001122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576418582722066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589065035740448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628940456466904,0.09091842974443837,0.0,0.16432857086352942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379898357922539,0.1435307981640803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610530251158053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081356122818595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389309150079952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32929752332390977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kiinginfiniti,2019/02/01,"My baby brother is the only thing keeping me here. I’ve attempted to take my son life twice. One time landed me in the ICU for 4 days then basically a mental health facility for 7. But ever since then I can’t get myself to do it. I just don’t want to hurt my family. It’s a blessing I know, but when I’m really down like I have been the past two days. I just really want it to end & as selfish as it is I just feel like I’m suffering. All I want to happen is to just be put out of my misery. I am incredibly tired of constantly battling with myself to find any simple joys or happiness. I want to go back to the behavior center but I lost my medical coverage. I’m also scared because I hated it there. It did help for about a month & I got my life together for a bit after but it fell crumbling apart as it always does. I never can do anything right & I ruin everything I touch. As cliche as it sounds I really just don’t do anything right. I fuck everything up in my life. I’ve ruined great opportunities. My credit is destroyed. I owe my school about 600 before I can reenroll. I could go on but I know no ones going to read this anyways. I just need to vent and maybe find some hope left somewhere. I just don’t see myself holding on much longer. ",0.8777470300489192,2.9068094679245315,3.466457023060798,87.69107617051014,82.62264150943396,6.642907058001398,20.38085255066387,7.793537801064563,0.8471313766596791,979,28,211,18,27,342,149,265,0.185,0.6679999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9442,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,3,16,20,4,1,8,0,19,7,0,0,3,34,44,16,0,7,13,2,2,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,11,3,0,2,5,1,2,5,6,11,0,4,4,4,37,9,33,38,4,32,1,5,1,1,3,13,1,3,16,140,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716982603610005,0.0906994011004079,0.3543147909006445,0.0,0.07412591930249947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940070497692542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381673856654788,0.0,0.06644734385056532,0.0,0.09275370152138597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900327152571485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779374372226213,0.0,0.08703019189654551,0.0,0.0,0.14059610306737333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538944185887056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654448839992254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859964216511856,0.0,0.0,0.19593010952161108,0.0,0.10275852344206643,0.0,0.05511529713226878,0.07787191355744923,0.0,0.0,0.1992539146596807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007717093189032,0.056949677225614025,0.0,0.1858471052168872,0.0,0.08717982305042732,0.12017642160793415,0.0,0.0,0.09639117682396507,0.116035941796159,0.0,0.10761810087179192,0.0,0.1158653128579778,0.0,0.0,0.07306255261685513,0.0,0.0,0.108264780609962,0.0,0.0,0.1166901885955653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688705964335133,0.0,0.0,0.11981062484616475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843230440428218,0.0,0.2309765682024421,0.10650692290407954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898987789037982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950837343817063,0.0,0.0,0.1098092643160536,0.10984959581100746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700532065464686,0.0,0.08012989993172731,0.08082449753907685,0.0840699938251949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772678949856302,0.08290185153791184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405589598252797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957833090327193,0.0,0.0,0.10903270579146704,0.0,0.2094907386469766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617628805505052,0.0,0.0,0.10913122694668737,0.11031706587457356,0.08686144406342956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016858004526683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195684678084011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724168878732165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356064715099534,0.12528315254798186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648029540630773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25717166495835003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burritoshitinmypants,2019/02/01,"I'm scared and actually alone. I have no one to fall back on, because they either don't care or they rely on me.  I'm scared of everything that's going to come, how my life is going to change. I don't care enough to look forward to the ""good days ahead."" No marriage for me, no kids, no career. No, anything. I'll be alone all weekend because my mom is going to a retreat and she'll be sad. I'll see her on the other side though. I'm so alone. For the longest, I thought i was missing love, but it's not it. No idea what it could be.  I just want it to be over, the process to be over, my psychosis to be over, and my depression to be done.  ",0.27140109890110153,1.8212895357142889,2.432857142857145,96.80137362637363,82.21428571428571,5.164835164835165,21.48351648351648,5.873414542411696,-0.07295604395604371,485,15,120,3,13,164,78,140,0.221,0.728,0.052000000000000005,-0.9526,0,3,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,5,9,0,2,5,0,16,2,0,1,1,15,31,8,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,1,0,6,9,5,0,1,3,2,15,4,20,19,3,17,0,3,2,1,8,8,0,1,5,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.15542659159135996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948735762450034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310673651337477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247041146727465,0.0,0.19418158428641394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247770360492937,0.0,0.1684887601115954,0.1371988088228583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716580952601952,0.0,0.0,0.1027173264424106,0.0,0.13718082393501746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299065352704126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645706525233019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314349103960966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715540097977293,0.13358987851822965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797988110729538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249859248815196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374844794563212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374928612121168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653755527218127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792689505726752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189183090792221,0.0,0.1269192404407823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648402683078966,0.12644425431122205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939428095265436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TypicalWhiteAsianBoy,2019/02/01,"Wish i was never born Something recently happened in my life that did make me feel suicidal, but I don't want anyone to feel like I do. I really wish that there was a button to just erase myself and memories of me from existence. I thought about kind of just getting on a plane and never tell anyone where I am for the rest of my life, whatever that would be. Idk I just wanted to share my feelings on here is all, not really expecting much of replies.",6.095934065934068,5.576015296703299,6.809098901098902,78.66090109890114,66.36263736263736,10.796483516483518,31.386813186813182,10.355215969177356,2.992215824175824,356,12,72,8,5,118,62,91,0.062,0.8079999999999999,0.13,0.8024,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,3,21,20,3,1,6,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,13,3,13,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27697940012588124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30043860835178765,0.14149568000298454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347932825670113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751457552270483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625130958884447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797943878995546,0.09676318965900488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220806091480186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559851121478276,0.0,0.3055155678270793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25376744250084776,0.0,0.19556253466080487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152477963120424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664790727435101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311509855420812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723926831417884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336444421899051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555235259511156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069770891937458,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cursed_Spoon,2019/02/01,"I feel like a failure and I have nothing. Just a warning to people who end up reading this post, it may not be very focused as alot of the stuff I'm going to be writing has not really been discussed with anyone and if it has the conversation has been brief due to my reluctance to talk about emotional stuff. Also I will most likely talk about things regarding self harm and the like so consider this the ""do you wish to continue?"" of this post.

​

Anyway perhaps the best way to start this is at the beginning, I am a 21 yo male who has been self harming for the better part of 8 months, the self harm has come in the form of cutting which started off at the upper legs and then moved to the arms/wrists. The reason for starting self harming was due to me giving up and the subsequently failing university. I don't know why I gave up, I've been telling myself that it was because ""it was too hard"" and that ""I wasn't cut out for the life of higher education"" but in reality I gave up because I thought I was meant to. My life for a long time has been, in the words of my psychologist, ""defined be failure"". I failed secondary school (i.e very low grade in the majority of fields) and I felt like I failed college even though I got the Highest grade I could achieve, this was because we were handheld throughout the course by our tutors and I left feeling as if I was as intelligent as when I enrolled 3 years prior. After college I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go into uni, after all I didn't really think I was cut out for it however my dad (who I am very close to) encouraged me to do it. He just wanted what was best for me and even though I wasn't sure I was smart enough I think he saw my hesitation as the nerves from having to move away from home and all the things that a normal, adjusted human being would probably feel.

Although there is more to say I think that in the interest of time I will just skip to recent days with the hope that the previous paragraph of brief context will help you understand. My current situation is that I have no money for rent which is due by tomorrow (not to mention the litany of other bills), no hope of a future, and no friends although perhaps someone with an outside perspective would say otherwise, I also haven't told any of my family aside from my brother when I was drunk that I have failed and left university. All of this culminated into me a few hours before writing this truly considering killing myself in my bathtub but in the end I was too weak to go through with it.

I'm not really sure what the goal of writing this is, it feels like more of a confession to my sins weirdly enough. I suppose to some extent it is. Well anyway, to wrap up I don't have any solutions to my problems aside from killing myself so if anyone has a better idea then please feel free to comment.

​

Tldr - Me sad, me want die.

​

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suicidewatch,KobobKC,2019/02/01,"I have a friend who I care about more than anyone who I think has been hinting that she wants to commit suicide. I plan on writing a letter this weekend for her to try to help her. I'm looking for advice as to what I should say to her. I don't have time to write a proper paragraph so I'm just going to do bullet points. This might be lengthy, so I'd appreciate anyone who reads it all and can give me any advice :)

I realize this sub if mostly for support, not advice, so if this belongs in a different sub, let me know. Also, is it a bad idea to cross post this to other relevant subs?

**Background info for context** (if you'd like to know anything else, just ask)**:**

* I'm a 12th-grade male in high school, she's 10th-grade
* Met her a little over a year ago
* The first few months of our friendship were the best months of my life and she was my best friend at the time. After those first few months that unfortunately went away and things have been rocky and dramay ever since. I'm not going to explain all of it because it's a lot.
* It's always been kind of an unbalanced friendship, I've always appreciated her and cared about her much more than she does to me (which I don't blame her at all, no one really likes me). I have always loved her (as a friend) more than anyone, even at the times she's hurt me, hated me, refused to talk to me, etc., I've always loved and cared about her through all of it.
* Yes, I only love her as a friend, I have never had feelings for her beyond that at all, ever. However, she doesn't believe me, she thinks I do like, but I've told her probably hundreds of times that I don't and she doesn't believe me no matter what I say. Usually when I talk about this to other people in real life they don't believe me either and it really frustrates me because I'm telling the truth, but hopefully you people will believe me since I have no reason to lie on here since it's kind of anonymous. And I'm 99.9% sure she's never liked me.
* I remember her mentioning a while ago the she attempted suicide before, but I don't think she told me any details besides that.
* She's mentioned that she used to cut herself and has scars, she said that she stopped though (she said this about a year ago). She could have been lying that she stopped just to stop me from worrying but I have no way of knowing, she also might have told the truth but maybe started again.
* Her life at home seems pretty toxic. She says her family members call her a slut among other horrible things, like her mom calls her a pun of her name replacing part of it with ""hell"", basically calling her the worst child or child from hell (hard to explain because I don't want to give away her name). She has told me that her mom has gotten her drunk before and has drugged her food before as punishment. And she's also told me that her old sister hits her, which I don't know how bad that is because everyone's siblings do that I think, but idk.
* She has been through a lot of terrible and traumatic things in her life already that no one should have to go through, especially so early in her life. I won't list everything here because even though I don't plan on her seeing this post or anyone is my real life to see it, I'm still a little worried that someone will find it, so I don't want to talk about those personal things about her here out of respect for her. Since it's relevant though, I will say that several people that are close to her have killed themselves, which has of course affected her. One kid in our school last year committed suicide who she knew (I didn't know him unfortunately, but I am still hurt that he killed himself). She also had a boyfriend who killed himself years ago, I believe that one affected her the most.
* Her and I are on ""okay"" terms right now. She never really talks to me anymore, kind of avoids me, but it's been worse, and I can still write her letters. I kind of avoid her too, even though I'd like to talk to her or at least say hi to her every few days, but I don't think she wants me too, so I don't.
* The last time I had a conversation was about three months ago where she finally talked to me after basically blocking me from talking to her for like 5 months. And she apologized to me for ""everything"" and I apologized to her as well (sincerely of course). She basically said that she just wanted to stop our ""feud"" (that's what she called it, but it was a one-sided feud, meaning she was mad at me, but I wasn't mad at her, so I wouldn't call it a feud), but she still didn't want to be my friend. And that really disappoints me because I care about more than anyone, but I respect that she doesn't want to be my friend because I know I'd just be a burden to her, and I wouldn't want to be friends with me either, so I don't blame her.
* Also during that conversation, she seemed to hint at being suicidal. One thing she said was that she ""wouldn't be here"" if it weren't for me, and that sounded to me like she was saying she would be dead if it weren't for me, but later she said that she just meant that I helped her grow basically.
* Another thing she said was that she ""starting over"", which I'm worried might be a hint at suicide because I can't really think of what else she could mean by that. I thought maybe she meant she was going to get totally new friends or something but as far as I can tell I think she still has the same friends, and she changes friends and relationships constantly ever since I met her, so even if she was changing friends it wouldn't be anything new for her. 
* She also said several other things that worried me but I don't remember them all exactly and also it's late for me and I'm trying to finish this post because I'm really tired so I don't want to list them all.
* She seems to think very negatively about herself and thinks she's a horrible person, and I remember her saying one time that all she does is hurt everybody.

So it's been about three months since that conversation and since then I've been trying to write a letter to her to try to help as much as I can (the reason I write letters instead of just talking to her in person is because I'm extremely awkward and I barely talk at all in person, so I express my thoughts to her by giving her letters.) I've been procrastinating on writing it and stuff, but I think about it everyday, and I worry that I'm taking to long and what if she's kills herself before I write it, and I've been worrying about it every day for the past 3 months. I want to finally write the letter and get it done by monday, so that's why I'm here asking advice.

**Things I could use advice on:**

* I actually plan on killing myself in a few years and I feel horrible about it because I feel like anything I say to convince her not to kill herself is hypocritical because I plan on killing myself. I have told her before about me being suicidal and she's reacted with anger towards me (which makes me feel horrible). I don't plan on talking about my own problems to her anymore, but should I? Also, should I feel like a hypocrite for trying to convince her not to kill herself?
* Also just want to mention that this post isn't about me, it's about her, and that's all I'm worried about at this time, so please focus on her, not me. After I get this letter done for her I will probably start focusing on myself for a while because I am the most depressed I've been in my life right now. But like I said, I just want to focus on helping her for now.
* What are some things I should/shouldn't say to her? (I will do some googling on this one, since I know it's probably a common question)
* I plan on being 100% honest with her, only saying things I actually mean genuinely. She doesn't really trust me though, how do I convince her I mean everything?
* I have more questions, but I need to sleep now so tomorrow I will edit this post and add more.

If you've read this far, thank you so much and I would appreciate any comments!




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suicidewatch,kimmothythegreat,2019/02/01,"It went from bad to overwhelming I have borderline and I have lost almost everyone I love in a one year span. I’ve lashed out and pushed them all out when I hurt so much on the inside. They’re all gone. I have a roommate who loves and cares but she has her own shit. It hurts, almost physically, so much. I love my old friends. But they just couldn’t do it anymore and I don’t blame them. I’m not blameless. My mental illness isn’t an excuse. I’m trying to start fresh but it’s so lonely with no one to lean on. I don’t want to hurt like this anymore. I dream of just ending it all. ",-0.5963095238095235,1.5348799047619082,1.34156746031746,99.47044642857144,91.22222222222223,4.419841269841268,15.811507936507935,5.985473137389443,-0.7434587301587299,452,10,109,4,16,148,78,126,0.242,0.5760000000000001,0.182,-0.8955,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,7,14,1,1,4,0,9,5,1,0,3,20,20,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,8,0,2,3,0,16,6,12,16,6,14,0,6,0,3,11,6,1,2,6,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135203024681219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31050698679112865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071099307876255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961106087819604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865501127338056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958826789153346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209485521370206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502763431140332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648141722386541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708905721470686,0.0,0.4238718907726142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776350569551267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23016150093095156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642707315850123,0.0,0.21216187482868265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606942134487266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080543953681296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062857769645763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233603257672522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512151119878752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081174242367734
suicidewatch,incognitoburritox,2019/02/01,"I don’t know... So I’m an 18 yo college student with a rare genetic disease that fucked up my eyes. I also dealt with a lot of instability growing up and I’ve resented myself for a long time. I’ve had suicidal thoughts and impulses since middle school, which is when I started to feel a sense of social isolation. I started drinking and smoking weed in sophomore year and I loved it at first because it came with friends and then I started taking mushrooms and lsd senior year. I’ve always kept my grades up and always acted cheerful but I haven’t felt  happy for longer than a week in years. I’ve had several ego deaths in a row from acid and I hate myself more than ever and I want to change but I don’t know how but either way I feel like a quitter for even thinking this shit. I don’t know what I want to do and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I’ve been writing suicide notes as a hobby for a few months now which is probably counter productive but I really don’t want to be here. I’m just tired and high and will probably stay miserable and high forever",2.8029612870789333,4.3775781674208165,4.201953242835597,86.80472976370037,75.01809954751131,7.2640522875817,26.75741578682755,7.984000788550335,1.5899258924082451,849,32,176,13,18,281,127,221,0.156,0.7509999999999999,0.094,-0.9622,0,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,4,1,10,0,15,6,2,1,1,39,37,23,3,3,6,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,17,1,1,8,1,0,3,6,5,0,1,7,5,19,5,27,28,4,31,0,1,1,2,5,10,2,1,17,111,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442467707149124,0.21730582934891665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130448316927056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960027843786277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493485875660291,0.0,0.0,0.13813619111018474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791856303113827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624677443195734,0.11811697075307995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320502143104644,0.09328628719309452,0.12537715551119766,0.0,0.0,0.11107117306558584,0.0,0.0,0.10088568577943867,0.12071898823350515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900470267925258,0.0,0.12892059031906294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27592960981356296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152898493358187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379472998793605,0.0,0.0,0.11555907828643705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101433824280013,0.11785343334736645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422760863490106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815743767680613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836528101808191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215380256301087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475180881393096,0.1340383629081914,0.10801702012485924,0.0,0.0,0.1331097359709088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772753180980461,0.13918077016061495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856663736638704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817981345222164,0.10495515544936007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367030988246409,0.0,0.1036658330606216,0.0761421739037193,0.1500823546659758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310581764906686,0.10364822500662034,0.10474329747410288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25226747049053233
suicidewatch,NoDahmGood,2019/02/01,Just want to be 100% sure. I have 30 pills of Effexor and roughly 20 pills of Xanax. Will it work for sure? ,-1.0092753623188422,1.0472869130434788,0.7391304347826093,103.4185507246377,92.91304347826087,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.6096550724637679,81,2,21,1,3,26,20,23,0.0,0.763,0.237,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8954750134124122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802021198832795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458486263771429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jisatsufevereiro,2019/02/01,i have lost all hope 2018 was a specially cruel year that broke me. i don't think i can handle another one and knowing i don't have to is extremely seductive.,4.803636363636365,4.8563676969696985,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,69.0,11.44848484848485,31.65151515151515,11.20814326018867,3.618042424242425,126,5,26,4,2,44,27,33,0.263,0.6509999999999999,0.086,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,5,2,1,9,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754464787344933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503446496304982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491857165569888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949574050417288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072465897171325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905308288374323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919852031674202
suicidewatch,Gas_Menocide,2019/02/01,"I decided to get help (last post on this subreddit) It wasn't easy to admit it to my doctor, let alone to the people who cared about me so much. But when I begged my mom to get me help with talking with a psychologist and get me under anti-depressants she wasn't hesitant. 

This only started when my boyfriend had told me, that he was sick and tired of me being depressed and how he wanted to leave but was worried that if he did, that I would take my own life

 (Disclaimer: No I would never threaten anyone with suicide in an attempt to get them to stay, that is just pure toxicity, he was geniunely worried that if he left, that I would do something irrational)

I realized that I can't keep going on with this, I needed to change to save my relationships with people, I needed to change for me and only me. 

To those reading this post, I wish you best of luck, I hope you all find the hope and joy and prosperity in your life, even at the lowest places.",6.491465968586386,5.5846211047120455,7.056905759162303,78.48724345549742,65.70157068062827,9.94366492146597,31.14188481675393,9.120678840339163,2.375326282722513,745,23,153,11,10,246,108,191,0.135,0.6829999999999999,0.182,0.9371,1,1,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,1,2,7,8,0,0,5,0,15,5,0,1,3,36,32,14,1,11,5,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,15,11,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,8,0,28,7,27,19,4,17,0,1,0,0,18,8,0,5,5,112,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297044602392666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756639287697643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314251589246515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768421728591275,0.0,0.2649615344486085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157273967870168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818211274711927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271575143007383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144614349680626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617179908297505,0.0,0.07117326112636352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678831681523203,0.0,0.0,0.2487708643774273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113135658644934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208227115914993,0.0,0.13260452411178802,0.1360669026938982,0.1280600571749166,0.17691268942347727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466723265233638,0.0,0.0,0.09206126108686878,0.1857185688862632,0.09658803589804853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904919138927974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364271306264975,0.0,0.13084267842672653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398787473115118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526770161236145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445424617452512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964111065127298,0.0,0.0,0.08864113640016674,0.1334825802388027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698546358132502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416024075627194,0.10065819396298788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439378437553621,0.0,0.11966627372686725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386614675685221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401270282198764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543620292750301,0.0,0.26688751980526504,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twistygoldring,2019/02/02,"Does Anyone Committed Against Their Will Come Around? My apologies if this is the wrong place for this. 

I had to call 911 on my boyfriend today for high suicide risk. It’s a really long story that I won’t get into here if not necessary, but basically he got taken to the ER in handcuffs and I wrote a 3-page affidavit in the ER waiting room, which I’m sure many of you know is required in order to keep him there against his will. Maybe there was also some other aspect of being locked up that scared him, but I know that part of the reason he was so resistant is because he didn’t want to be saved. He had made up his mind once and for all that he wanted to die. He’s been on-and-off suicidal for years now, and the past several weeks have been ‘on’. Last night he was fired from his job and arrested for a DUI on the same day, which allowed him to finally gain the “motivation” to finally go through with it. (He thinks he will never be able to get a job or live a normal life again) During a situation today in which I realized he was legitimately about to go do it, I called 911. 

He’s been in the ER for hours waiting for a mental health provider to evaluate how long he needs to be there. I know he must’ve lied as hard as he could to everyone there to avoid being kept there, but thank God for my affidavit because I just found out that they’re keeping him.

I don’t know why I thought that maybe after hours of being there that he would’ve opened up to prospect of being kept there, but apparently he’s still very upset about it because I just got a call from him crying, angry with me. “Why did you do this to me? They’re keeping me in here. You got me locked up.”

TL;DR: Has anyone here had an experience with yourself or someone you know getting committed to a hospital against their will? How did things work out for you? Sorry if this is an extremely stupid question. I’ve never been depressed and only know things about depression and suicide from talking to my boyfriend and internet research. ",5.8327871512005185,5.630880057213933,6.167317759030932,81.97665476963013,66.83582089552239,9.478866536880815,30.66234047155527,9.085049710711278,2.300773177590309,1581,53,327,25,23,509,191,402,0.159,0.768,0.073,-0.9921,4,1,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,5,2,4,23,11,1,4,19,0,36,2,0,6,6,70,69,22,4,8,12,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,21,16,0,9,13,0,0,3,6,8,3,0,24,2,34,3,64,32,4,45,0,2,0,0,38,21,0,7,20,216,55,6,0.08739472996934716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988953398164066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221685444650512,0.0,0.0,0.07779983843145226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982504866227276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677193718458805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752828214103493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977758050662337,0.0,0.09599900713095967,0.05636237084460896,0.0,0.15054590572369286,0.0,0.09070193185976777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647971713886809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835094097045851,0.0,0.08548881564390695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914733097215348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582381050677394,0.0,0.0,0.1369804179735779,0.0,0.09933687810784496,0.0,0.20969264765102166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828851197814736,0.0,0.0,0.09289651119559993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233733051624968,0.0,0.0,0.17213240938412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345156853303967,0.2330413546261173,0.0,0.0,0.2881791481290741,0.07123836934424425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172948234657105,0.0,0.0,0.07717114770861068,0.1546831717422074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269500661316412,0.0,0.0886045390436467,0.17559950580861886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807333234924028,0.0,0.08824376383202671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480208489766842,0.13480840693312807,0.0,0.0,0.08201403379486216,0.08562827971182171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307253516192424,0.0,0.0664676302990479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463997600253928,0.08342815867556275,0.0,0.0,0.09130889179788644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790209878922547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055987301888321774,0.08985633798021103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749737083322831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987311689444874,0.0,0.0,0.09823533818119123,0.0,0.0,0.0740492710964096,0.0,0.0,0.0978312450887564,0.0,0.0,0.06979354424589558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28678694954342004,0.0,0.08236849872196439,0.0,0.0,0.07024457349582759,0.0,0.0804613255034982,0.0,0.0,0.11612235049692116,0.055999014119827634,0.0,0.06938165350959352,0.0,0.0,0.16567997042677388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210980494125964,0.10309535211059284,0.0,0.07010278081256285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772030083331814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362440428389507,0.0,0.0,0.062082708692924087,0.0955524177669274,0.0,0.056279340751484615
suicidewatch,finally-ready,2019/02/02,"I have a date and a plan. That’s all. Thank you so much, Reddit.",-4.171999999999997,-3.294726866666668,-1.0533333333333308,111.52000000000002,117.66666666666669,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.091,47,0,14,0,3,16,14,15,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6239611577022838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7814553561649096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nevermind900,2019/02/02,"I don’t want to live and I don’t want to die The title says it all. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore and I can’t even enjoy food (I used to be fat). My reputation was ruined by my own doing at work and I was mobbed by people who didn’t like me to begin with. 

I have kids though. I have to live for them, right? Please tell me my suffering isn’t for nothing ",-1.3839010356731871,0.6217124050632918,1.2514154200230152,98.88216340621406,95.83544303797468,3.8853855005753744,14.776754890678939,5.565023196281405,-0.9725544303797472,276,6,67,2,11,94,51,79,0.158,0.713,0.128,-0.6703,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,11,2,1,1,1,8,16,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,1,14,3,11,12,2,3,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537193886176635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23585067123392764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500971495887656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479282469272304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179998772018433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102336514078533,0.0,0.4013336124991991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361069483246765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754723753913422,0.0,0.0,0.24945336801079745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407112181719208,0.0,0.1807191252295291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862740021177328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327296460800727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962719094475008,0.0,0.0,0.2680770684573122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544144264110772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SutoresuNeko,2019/02/02,I wish I could fall asleep and never wake back up But my mother and our pets are the only reasons I am still here. I'm so tired of thinking. I'm tired of feeling and regretting. How do you forget memories? How do you let go of the past? How do I let go of love?,-1.0457635467980282,0.9036656551724144,1.6793596059113334,97.78017241379312,90.72413793103449,4.693596059113301,16.9064039408867,6.18269132825596,-0.466869950738916,200,5,49,2,7,69,38,58,0.191,0.682,0.127,-0.6396,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,8,5,2,4,1,15,16,8,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,5,13,0,8,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843735696517354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527847401103012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733489177491516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26376645700826784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745876053836201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094403241876388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897651178989427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648965503709246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152447557981916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385930417809855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532086208511345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869262887753676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334303146423958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668538703046013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,been2thehi4,2019/02/02,"So alone. I am so alone. Despite a husband and kids. Im alone. I hate myself, I hate my life, I feel so worthless and insignificant. The few close friends I have I barely see. Family and friends I try to connect with all ignore me or leave me out. I am trying but I constantly jjst want to die. The only thing preventing me from killing myself is the kids. I dont want to fuck them up but I just dont know how to live anymore. I just don't. They need a better mom. ",-1.3992803030303025,0.5611200000000025,1.126155303030302,98.00923295454544,101.52525252525251,4.091161616161616,17.29861111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.3590358585858584,356,11,83,4,16,120,62,99,0.305,0.594,0.102,-0.9614,0,3,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,4,0,5,0,7,2,0,1,1,20,16,10,2,3,5,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,20,3,8,16,2,4,0,1,1,1,8,3,1,1,1,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953228547200886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809852468528707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099111167909545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722728132467167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544936053902126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736703580342985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028387212297956,0.0,0.08060587082020199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463298858849485,0.1473781655244809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147819639244333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219738641247767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637095323382534,0.0,0.08761124634837014,0.0,0.0,0.16879926182616894,0.0,0.0,0.11260072604004985,0.0,0.0,0.14076786214644446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867069062183658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820545922319295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124357997714763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703446599644214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590936841184104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646694274782835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805619385940264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onamonapiaye,2019/02/02,Everything hurts too much. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm sick and tired of fucking up my life over and over and making everyone hate me. I walked down to the river in the ice and fell way too many times. I have no reason to go back home. ,-0.2279096045197733,1.5206523389830515,2.0450000000000017,97.91518361581923,84.9322033898305,5.289265536723164,18.30790960451977,6.42735559955562,-0.3023920903954802,204,5,51,2,6,69,42,59,0.263,0.737,0.0,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,5,4,0,2,0,7,11,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,9,11,1,11,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844981320506261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782767079812304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334093577703909,0.21953309529841966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582261929324635,0.0,0.0,0.1388236188238477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411649220449817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450215768817143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614948601405768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253431536614905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630513567270716,0.2476502782965259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956571351810954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511490646832904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424351330410459,0.2807511141065215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407609879156275,0.19388924641098398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skibberoonie15,2019/02/02,"I can’t keep going I just cant. I’ve tried everything. It just won’t go away and I need help. I need someone. I even called the suicide hotline and waited over ten minutes on hold, then I got hung up on. I tried reaching out to loved omes and that didn’t do anything. I’m trying so hard just to make it through the day and night. I’m so depressed, i just need help",-0.7683749999999989,1.3007589125000043,1.1000000000000014,101.425,91.125,3.7,19.25,4.935628992294339,-0.6567750000000001,283,9,69,1,10,92,51,80,0.133,0.728,0.139,-0.1299,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,16,17,7,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,1,8,1,9,14,0,11,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983556487850854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390355468029144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074004460628856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309991500443424,0.0,0.17775731357480398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363139775802094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854836681471838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345843482952893,0.0,0.1650632810576985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184878565858124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766682527082677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344262923674406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626865035674847,0.0,0.13776220711051013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590909783995429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367639727864766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486758525906024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257494260597405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203613825890011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a-special-alt,2019/02/02,no one gives a shit about me hahaha not even this place,1.84,3.2930430000000044,2.8566666666666656,95.955,77.33333333333334,8.133333333333335,12.0,8.841846274778883,-0.25360000000000005,44,0,11,1,1,14,12,12,0.333,0.46,0.207,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318705747950872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820061190399129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404803959216141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249645218288956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157687210439186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiftedNevermore,2019/02/02,"Am i just looking for attention Hey everyone

I've never been too happy. i don't have any close friends, i spend most of my time just alone in my room.  While i have long considered taking my life, i could never bring myself to do it. My older sister, my younger sister and my mother suffer greatly with their mental health. I hear my mother talking about commiting suicide regularly, and i have visited my sisters in hospital after failed suicide attempts on more than a few occasions. They deserve so much more.

I failed out of school not long ago, because i was too lazy to keep up with the work load. I felt crushed by guilt. I've dissapointed the people who believed in me, and thrown away an opportunity that my family didn't have on account of their mental health. I found it difficult to live with myself, i wrote a note and did my research. After finding a method i was confident would be fatal, i carried out my plan. As i started to feel  consciousness fail me, i thought of my younger sister and saved myself. It breaks my heart to imagine the pain i would cause. I can't tell them, because i don't want them to worry about me.  I wish i had done it everyday, as its no more than i deserve.  If i do one thing right, it will be taking my life. 

I don't know if this deserves to be on here, but i had to tell someone. Thanks for reading my pathetic paragraph. 

​

​",4.001421542786853,5.5994336826568265,4.856879283078545,83.22596555965563,71.9520295202952,7.523528378140924,29.14092426638552,8.11559375814309,2.0090599543138294,1092,44,209,16,21,354,152,271,0.147,0.8009999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9596,0,1,1,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,5,7,8,14,0,1,7,0,26,6,1,1,3,39,42,12,3,7,6,6,2,0,1,3,5,1,1,0,10,11,0,1,9,1,2,2,9,8,0,1,12,4,51,6,36,23,6,28,0,4,1,0,20,13,0,3,12,156,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950917938648787,0.0,0.0,0.1162645397033402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326112365238706,0.2728094189875922,0.07633870311534058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546927617311024,0.0,0.0,0.13686181845006049,0.0,0.0,0.12647535276852054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531900309692272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962819002822789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487802674002268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726650577168156,0.0,0.0,0.10582603881919296,0.0,0.056760581784139535,0.0,0.10778445648750706,0.0,0.10260099017255546,0.0,0.0,0.12308415733209326,0.08672958614167194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376389064604483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949981052291968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386481760458376,0.126521952818097,0.13302524870302118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977930191528428,0.0,0.0,0.06169358711674295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858107242848404,0.0,0.0,0.09912510925865732,0.1986880687237872,0.09426772300772293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22625758333560114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252191270083607,0.0,0.17315925009549707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606834176107784,0.0,0.11944950925775825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782496480778811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228751610229837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586698225590436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361021650183535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511510850753532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794561798671778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455821772042629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880679399441986,0.09022803507980966,0.1962353726132956,0.10335129019651378,0.0,0.0,0.0745786542131151,0.0,0.0,0.08911962811092654,0.06545803975634662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621216831327494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290901683268667,0.0,0.0,0.08172453324099496,0.11400257245246195,0.0,0.15948849965264528,0.0,0.2728094189875922,0.0
suicidewatch,Jammed_Pistol,2019/02/02,"Top tier misery... It happened pretty fast.... Left home at 19 sold my highest valuable electronics and hit the road. 

Now I'm 23 still on the streets working shitty labor gigs, to hustle a phone data plan.

And then I read how everyone else hold jobs, drive cars, go home, have S.O's comfort pets and it seems like an enchanted world to me right now that I know obviously still don't bring ultimate happiness.

Now I'm trying to dig my way out and can hardly climb out my sleeping bag before noon anymore. 

Meh, rambles to myself to look back on..",4.241642857142857,5.800322533333336,4.812559523809528,83.93598214285716,71.28571428571429,7.5357142857142865,27.410714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.7555000000000005,426,15,81,6,8,136,84,105,0.07,0.7909999999999999,0.14,0.7829999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,1,1,11,13,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,10,11,0,26,0,0,1,0,1,11,0,1,10,39,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061042728645574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598028266893112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684180919597225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360919701464803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858349405575415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811042859139807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377692556181816,0.2212311265471173,0.18616831693629687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169262219905207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623196027004687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421391982836675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257999695383846,0.0,0.0,0.10153167274898807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451872489814732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143039754984969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787893784755854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747944863124662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919397905187813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797278514108752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33193495027480346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109797015204806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495998438077453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129739935424386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spicy_chamomile,2019/02/02,"extremely guilty after mentioning suicide attempt? I've had problems on and off with suicidal idealizations. I went to the hospital this week and they tried to keep me, and honestly, I should've let them, but I didn't! now I'm getting off prozac, which made things way worse

I've had a friend who has helped me through a lot. he and I have a support system for each other - I keep him from doing something stupid, he keeps me from doing something stupid.

I had a cord and I choked myself with it a few times, just to see how it felt. it scared me, but drew me in even more. I didn't go very far because I called someone to distract myself. I wanted to hang myself, and in the moment, nothing else made sense. for some reason, that's my ideal way to go. I was planning for it but wussed out.

next day while talking to him, I told him, ""last night I came closer to killing myself than I ever have."" 

so fucking stupid, I don't know why I said it, and it obviously fucked him up. 

now I feel so guilty and I never should've said anything. I can't apologize enough to him, ever. I'm so ridiculously selfish. I want to stay away from him now because I do nothing but worry him and hurt him. 

maybe all of this is just for attention.

I don't know how I can ever forgive myself. I guess I need advice, and that's why I'm posting this. 

​",2.457234654731458,4.1358794485294155,3.5986445012787733,90.3256393861893,76.20588235294117,6.201023017902813,23.958439897698213,6.8959733430537185,0.7424320332480825,1038,33,220,10,23,336,146,272,0.236,0.684,0.08,-0.9942,0,0,2,0,0,3,43.0,0,0,2,4,14,18,7,2,7,0,18,3,0,5,6,50,46,20,3,6,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,15,15,0,3,7,0,0,5,6,12,0,0,14,5,46,6,31,31,7,36,0,1,1,2,23,10,2,3,16,154,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531095479095297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167680382112504,0.13095154779541607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868498681901672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012528453818462,0.0,0.0,0.13139038253621138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004454862865247,0.12325941841309902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950231075702215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900274574906987,0.0,0.0,0.11135453997211738,0.0,0.07118063471332667,0.292450622205682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449141797218835,0.0,0.10347546985515683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326232713705797,0.19926204222722954,0.05630503374833945,0.0,0.12249560244579827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872008143557836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223551899222375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153693107152208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28737103151882465,0.119230810771279,0.0,0.11845442509968865,0.08784639840005537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020145490477028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162164162599064,0.0,0.2039479163688119,0.0,0.0,0.10826879031701968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990960236001993,0.08311836115940778,0.0,0.1146139189915696,0.10113422799340324,0.0,0.20681518249808173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321324048120226,0.0,0.0,0.10312070676836406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080483365411856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050266484175495,0.0,0.10789591294588187,0.0,0.08587821349795488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131261467447492,0.16593221088710666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486778056538358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576433933411245,0.12229537341277084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662091574468372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159716286885777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628411706132282,0.0,0.0,0.10297822567516628,0.0,0.0731683097918805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892099456698165,0.12713030152244573,0.17108457658788062,0.08644606647933772,0.0,0.0,0.09990326073824238,0.1944901393773928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944499915516437,0.10982616760013124,0.0,0.0,0.13095154779541607,0.0
suicidewatch,americanmorgue,2019/02/02,"I thought I'd be gone by 18. I'm almost 4 years overdue. It's one of those bad nights. One of those nights where you finally cry after days upon days of days of containing every putrid emotion that seeks to intrude on every activity you engage in. Crying doesn't even help anymore. It just creates a nasty headache and leaves me just as numb as I started. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, and I'm sick of people constantly repeating the same old stupid phrase: ""It's gonna get better nothing lasts forever"". Isn't anyone else sick of that patronizing phrase? It's always said almost smugly, I hear it as nothing more than a condescending phrase used when no one else knows what to say. Maybe there isn't much else to say. But if nothing lasts forever, then why has this feeling persisted for more than a decade? When the fuck is it going to ""get better?"" I don't get it. ",3.0549333333333344,4.9473533885714325,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,75.11428571428571,6.9523809523809526,24.23809523809524,7.793537801064563,1.2332666666666658,693,22,138,10,15,225,106,175,0.211,0.74,0.049,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,3,7,9,3,0,6,0,9,5,0,1,0,15,28,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,14,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,6,0,3,3,5,8,3,21,23,4,23,0,0,0,2,7,4,2,3,17,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23670547704118602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834564701809156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721522315207725,0.0826429599227788,0.12110220676129292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986858194753801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906336287226074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772412827979554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596578723901964,0.2286731977823545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962040595252161,0.13295067965896612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780650464844654,0.0,0.1991645958032648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059761690720171276,0.0,0.0,0.12947413131570013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853416525022706,0.18525214454363015,0.0,0.06717153434769448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321156295371187,0.0,0.07922195651483371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991103885122476,0.19268536174795475,0.0,0.12514881579221732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874027511772894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688510352517875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183135177909302,0.0,0.34022673934621184,0.0,0.1240231703581256,0.0,0.2402709365036191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193981335213955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242815481858548,0.18798287576183328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365727583777907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383166072039957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208039111064336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665036798571656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611210946753925
suicidewatch,000910,2019/02/02,"Committing suicide I know for a fact that I will die by suicide, I just don’t know if it’s gonna be years from now or a few days from now. Honestly I think the ladder is more likely considering how my life has been going downhill lately. I’ll probably do it by carbon monoxide poisoning. ",6.6845197740112985,5.516552593220341,7.880000000000003,73.59536723163842,65.4406779661017,11.256497175141243,34.92090395480226,10.504223727775694,3.5375039548022595,229,9,45,5,3,79,47,59,0.261,0.672,0.067,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,2,9,12,3,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,5,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876802228307469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020270178050659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539019863085067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198678239018323,0.0,0.3282769361263804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555208782774706,0.14217494359766164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31376276020853355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6366450735208029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647028666141816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874037421549748
suicidewatch,KitchenEscapee754,2019/02/02,"I'm thinking of ending it all I'm tired. I'm so ashamed of who I am, of how weak I am. I severely dislike who I have become and how my life is. I can't change. I don't know how. I'm tired of feeling like I just hurt people or disappoint them. I'm tired of feeling useless. I'm tired of always feeling like the world would be a better place without me. I'm just thinking of ending it all.",-0.8386206896551727,1.0737074942528722,2.0443793103448265,95.90105172413791,89.0,4.3995402298850586,21.34367816091953,5.6839178017228535,-0.004268045977011692,300,11,71,2,10,105,46,87,0.331,0.542,0.127,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,8,6,0,3,2,17,21,6,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,3,10,3,8,19,2,4,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954501553145334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194533361302464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769351980247127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469742276533092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757869864079606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361618247660617,0.2224472957676097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666738821401922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556213750158785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996714697914578,0.15212273525976164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793456258816013,0.0,0.1626609837495074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588329845024878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995173645496936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7157625186384943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007782411518789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059639725097263,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charlesireland93,2019/02/02,"Not a question of “If”, only “When” I’m well aware of how this life will end.  
It will not be quiet, it will not be peaceful, it will not be from some freak accident.  
It will be loud, it will reverberate through the trees.  
It will be bloody, grim, and full of tears.  
I do not want to die, I can’t begin to comprehend what nothing is. No life, no existence, it’s such a foreign concept, and I am scared of it.  
But this life, is not one worth sticking around.  
I will make the choice, in time, to face that fear, rather than wake up one more day and face the fire in front of me.  
I’ve lost it all, my fiancée, my best friend, 3 kids, my dog, my home, my sanity, my ability to feel.  
I am naught but a shell of a person now.  
Bullshitting through every single fucking day of this life for the benefit of a family who has only lied and manipulated.  
For a mother, who saw to it that my fiancée would leave me so that I had no choice but to come home with her.  
I give every fucking but of myself for every person around me, and what the hell do I get in return?  
Nothing.  
Ignored, criticized, hatred, humiliation, hospitalized.  
Everything I do is for them, but in the long run, they couldn’t give a fuck about me.  
My death, will only serve as an excuse for them to get sympathy from others, an event to be milked for their own benefit, for their own attention, a feather for their cap.  
I stay alive for them, and they can’t even look at me like a human being, just a worthless fucking charity case.  
I’m fed up with it, and soon they will understand just how fed up with it I truly am.  

1 1/2 years since I lost my first child.  
And in 22 days, on my birthday, it will be 1 year since she walked out the door of my life.  
I don’t plan on seeing year 2.  ",3.149106145251398,3.878639363128496,4.4646324022346375,88.55885921787713,72.96648044692738,7.8509050279329635,24.09653631284916,8.109356740369918,1.0557844469273745,1324,35,302,19,25,439,178,358,0.158,0.723,0.119,-0.9252,0,0,0,0,0,1,61.0,0,0,9,5,15,19,5,2,19,0,35,15,3,4,1,44,58,19,2,5,15,1,2,1,1,12,5,2,3,5,24,15,3,1,4,0,1,4,13,13,1,3,6,7,41,6,51,31,8,36,1,4,3,4,24,15,5,3,17,216,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527550494618927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920725016157974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964069226741124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133525201469446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800052136174876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921685522265796,0.0,0.0,0.06873234799667237,0.0,0.2630316176796997,0.0,0.0935247305749696,0.0,0.09810093244643367,0.11709932568734482,0.052617163614521185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851557139177772,0.0,0.0,0.08039848572361215,0.3848166874051603,0.10873679868523843,0.1996526045180864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876649082696644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101872393057992,0.0,0.0,0.3675123638561499,0.05083971674029202,0.0,0.0,0.09209210240348513,0.0873863524501736,0.0,0.2271931822631648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946257550395141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970169065930088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103098518438215,0.23743282790522216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817268496406157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657389754380534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418478938663613,0.0,0.0829243976152527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216327139614046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091685679991822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060679723136804274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833280840579454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061378801694828636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356475049560048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392306612335192,0.0,0.0,0.20103865546501976
suicidewatch,joejenk18,2019/02/02,"I'm tired I'm just tired of it all. The lack of communication with others, this constant feeling of guilt and regret, and just tired of this life. I feel as if no matter what I do, I just can't get things right. I have suspected my ""friends"" mock and insult me behind my back for some time. They think I'm too dumb to get it, but I'm not. And I do notice it. But if I cut them off, then I'll have no one. I'd rather have semi or false friends than none whatsoever.  

I'm tired of being alone. Never having anyone to talk to. But if I cut them off, then I'll have no one. Not even the false sense of happiness. I have no one ever reaching out just to say hey. I'm always just alone. I feel that if I ended it here, they would be some sadness for maybe two weeks from close family, but they'll move on. They have before. I'm tired of being alone. Never having anyone to talk to. But if I cut them off, then I'll have no one. I have no one ever reaching out just to say hey. I'm always just alone. I feel that if I ended it here, they would be some sadness for maybe two weeks from close family, but they'll move on. They have before. 

I'm tired of being alone. Never having anyone to talk to. I have no one ever reaching out just to say hey. I'm always just alone. I feel that if I ended it here, they would be some sadness for maybe two weeks from close family, but they'll move on. They have before. There is just a lack of caring inside me now. I've had intense crying spells for some time now and they have had no sign of stopping. I haven't gone at least one day without breaking down in tears in so long. Any pain that may be felt by a select few is nothing to the pain I've felt for years now.

Many say that it's ok to talk to others about these thoughts. But it's not ok for someone in my situation. Those not going through this don't realize the stigma of even trying to talk to others about this. Many, including parents would just say that I'm looking for attention. And any others I would tell would just cast me out and leave me feeling more helpless and alone.

The one thing holding me back is my religion. But even my faith is in doubt now. I've prayed for strength to get over this but nothing has changed.
I'm not sure how much longer I'll be around. I just feel empty and alone.",0.9769146742706738,2.8631407752577367,2.424158806755866,96.06209475762228,81.45360824742268,5.1173502961175705,17.53564378153104,6.01570014992238,-0.5059681947795562,1776,35,411,12,47,575,167,485,0.23,0.6970000000000001,0.073,-0.9973,1,8,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,0,14,1,36,24,6,2,7,2,45,9,0,1,8,99,75,33,0,17,38,1,9,0,2,10,9,5,0,0,28,18,0,2,14,0,0,5,21,15,0,11,6,15,44,9,66,51,13,56,2,5,1,0,32,22,1,15,28,290,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492114720187561,0.0,0.0,0.13533618641014836,0.0,0.0,0.07373748970654496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372728095975725,0.0,0.0,0.048263741930893216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337752779922142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840148983379671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527683386404018,0.0,0.057353348093448324,0.0,0.0,0.05858824448280954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955373943189984,0.03496484023490958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405787381660626,0.0,0.0,0.10742748666033967,0.14712445054912715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333008283474273,0.0,0.1918926999653925,0.0,0.10411174052518007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377430719135825,0.0,0.08497688010608946,0.0,0.030812206978050725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057713949076750384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057406924714383814,0.0,0.0,0.03829437008571073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797946134936836,0.04552779239934819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099330459426634,0.1634018026722532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286911051213538,0.03985500434261048,0.0,0.12544418395035498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404344453351123,0.06172528489652456,0.0,0.0,0.29390536326647404,0.0,0.11537931088556587,0.0,0.060200461288220875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630017493624237,0.0,0.2155737297260951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060941064995249414,0.0,0.0,0.04593704797365028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045327010648563135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109794629014102,0.0,0.0,0.2178838694013082,0.04738718100263716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720374138274096,0.03473942903165686,0.0,0.04304145467700511,0.06322758097490226,0.37387995690323184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03680911086647566,0.0,0.1588834869169926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046643502055208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052262297387919834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310809809739737,0.0,0.0,0.03491333186332623
suicidewatch,Hashtag_Octothorp,2019/02/02,"Clarity I am assuming this is the place for this post. As my title states I need to make sure the path I have laid before me is sound. I don't think that I will find any answers here but an effort will be made none the less.

**Background:** An INFJ-A, moderately well traveled, veteran, and a individual who's done his best to help the people around him.

**Early Life:** I have made my fair share of mistakes during my younger years but had the mental clarity to identify why what I did was wrong. These mistakes molded me into the person I am today. Luckily the mistakes I made put no one in harms way and when it comes down to it I wouldn't change a thing, because of what I learned from those errors. 

**20's:** I have spent several years in the military working for an organization that I had believed helped others only to find that certain parts of the organization did not while upholding misguided laws. After learning that I was taking part in these actions I decided that it was not meant for me and left the service. 

During the time in the military I met someone that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. Still being in my early 20's and completely naive this made perfect sense. I spent several years lying to myself thinking that they would change. I was wrong time and time again. I had taken the pain from that experience and used it to keep myself from ever feeling that pain again. Sadly my passion to help others became a loophole that this pain would use several times to find it way back to me.

Sometime with in my service after having been expose to several industrial chemicals I started to develop headaches. after several years of pain and examinations I was left with a diagnosis of Cluster Headaches and no actual treatment. The only thing that I have ever been able to do to relieve the pain is over the counter drugs that utilize acetaminophen.

**Present:** After some random blood work I was informed that I had high levels of a particular enzyme in the liver. I ended up doing my own research and found that the only thing that allows me to minimize the pain I deal with is slowly killing me, and I have no intention of stopping it. I have taken steps to reduce the amount taken, but it seems that its not going to be enough. Between the physical and emotional pain I consistently have to endure I've come to the realization that when it comes down to it everyone in this world is only out to help themselves. This notion coupled with the countless years of pain (Physical and Emotional) have taken its toll on what ever I had left of a reason to live. People can sit there and tell me its depression and you just need time to over come it, but that isn't the case. Depression may have lead me to this place but the overall realization of what people truly are is the reason I'm where I am. I am becoming bitter and hateful which is something I personally hate and I refuse to succumb to this state of being.  

​

My question is if you in a constant state of physical and emotional pain with no end in site what is the reason to continue that cycle? When are basic instinct is to avoid pain. Pain tells us that we are doing something wrong or getting close to doing something wrong. At this point I have been told that the act of me living is wrong. ",4.07858670260557,6.134821757142857,4.966483977238696,80.62704851752022,72.69841269841271,7.675351901766996,27.442348008385743,8.451235370850725,2.0877891584306685,2617,98,473,46,53,850,276,630,0.197,0.715,0.08900000000000001,-0.998,0,1,4,0,0,0,64.0,2,2,1,6,16,36,4,1,39,0,64,17,2,13,6,97,100,29,1,10,11,0,1,0,0,6,14,1,0,2,58,32,0,4,21,1,3,11,11,28,1,1,32,3,64,8,81,57,10,85,0,3,0,1,23,32,0,8,35,363,122,8,0.049133934025414674,0.0,0.047947631953612485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053236596988596,0.05970310781795553,0.03341276001167221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043739618281555884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037780962408795415,0.0,0.02995159013720508,0.054264569873925764,0.04180935897038979,0.05535711817190864,0.051563032436837256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395437454346604,0.16929813418820766,0.05151599501343314,0.05309632753162567,0.0,0.03922944825469439,0.05436576345676025,0.0,0.0,0.05065492851639938,0.08463797075886173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028107344552858,0.0,0.0,0.056979764477831374,0.0,0.0,0.16580718759561236,0.08703616364451648,0.05076848817671538,0.0,0.0,0.133333368890392,0.0,0.04694957954976857,0.0,0.048062415539607606,0.0,0.0,0.02484359335278297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472257668888646,0.0,0.0,0.053872822596454296,0.0,0.0,0.02567045259993793,0.0,0.02792394699859711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970191752406332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173376111342674,0.05191269893802055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367249812968879,0.05435941820115777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601524892476912,0.0,0.06940950133041708,0.0,0.0,0.0867723278396836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596686553468567,0.03279728249321475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951544907300223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728643790120551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03329442529182817,0.1494742835447641,0.5751016700326159,0.0,0.0,0.10641452496521348,0.0,0.10218984994193236,0.08580371201361789,0.10266900686356324,0.0,0.04644744914499506,0.0,0.047056726922516716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939317457918088,0.05504125093751768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515536022698474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044729688195231036,0.0,0.2775368001521357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041631022854091364,0.11347710863878127,0.048594717102575014,0.0,0.03477725139415906,0.0,0.03923842318158615,0.04107816891717493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630815134272887,0.0,0.03694260359357545,0.0,0.08589044800803683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792720757063324,0.06296608196436833,0.0,0.03900685530249042,0.14325196027425008,0.0,0.04657322437598334,0.04694957954976857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910207293084155,0.08487188683869941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800045966599146,0.0,0.0,0.04417730743710765,0.0,0.04433573316337748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154017830566364,0.0,0.0,0.06980667402043708,0.268601218413041,0.05970310781795553,0.1582032129653099
suicidewatch,mrs_cherry_poppins,2019/02/02,"Hopeless My wife left me on new year's day 2019. Until yesterday she had led me to believe that we were still working on getting back together. After my incessant requests for communication about what the reality really would be, she told me to move on with my life it's over. And to stop harrassing her. The past 48 hours have been a worldwind of thoughts on painless suicide. I've considered driving into an oak tree, walking into traffic, buying a gun from a pawn shop Wednesday when I get paid, ingesting all my prescription sleep medicine, cutting my wrists, and driving to the coast and swimming out as far as I can into the ocean. I started drinking copious amounts of alcohol to get the nerve to do one of the more absolute methods. A tiny part of me thinks there might be the possibility of happiness with another partner but I'm sure it will end in pain and I'm only prolonging the inevitable. I've written notes to my loved ones. I'm so sad. ",5.289890109890108,6.703656560439563,6.013956043956046,76.88104395604397,68.56043956043956,9.336263736263737,35.97802197802198,9.661875296680813,3.662283516483516,762,40,137,17,13,249,128,182,0.103,0.8390000000000001,0.058,-0.8093,0,0,3,1,0,2,16.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,13,0,11,8,2,1,2,20,24,10,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,4,11,3,1,2,3,3,6,0,4,0,2,7,0,17,3,31,12,4,33,0,2,0,1,9,12,0,1,15,91,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884980906987848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495129170109806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562642009615175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872145349975948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375142044782377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278663674825925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622158014773782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27645602703601463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776129514754814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370016359437007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916389225445385,0.0,0.12458340902284724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919111264851885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711280707525266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746552956431736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703502688753498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904122201176084,0.13414601350185565,0.18768226045575287,0.0,0.0,0.1910038832666761,0.1683760177664602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988435426446285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299445040018018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765087946845343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484367275608747,0.0,0.14085842517070118,0.14746276005516618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929326392035708,0.0,0.16623739543551155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301808820942133,0.0,0.14002714082936582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853999986702906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840777018399538,0.0,0.0,0.12529629597268882,0.0,0.0,0.11358384781219336
suicidewatch,PointlessGravity,2019/02/02,"What's the point? For a while now, I've been thinking about existence too much, probably years at this point. Only within the past year has it gotten to a point where I've been down because of it. Recently, about two months ago, my girlfriend had broken up with me and left me in pieces. I believe I have recovered, but it's only made me think about everything more and more.

Life is about experiences, finding what makes you happy, and living it to the fullest, or so I've heard. Life is what you make of it.

As a person, I live a decently healthy life. Now, I don't exactly like myself as a person, if anything I kind of despise myself. Everything I do is a mere distraction or something temporary that wears off in a short amount of time. I'm always questioning what I'm doing with myself. I'm just wasting my time, doing things that barely make me happy or entertained so I don't feel as empty for less than an hour. I have nothing that genuinely makes me happy. I do feel wrong for saying this as I have friends and family that I care about as they care about me. Nothing I have or do makes me genuinely happy, and although I do have interests, they're very minuscule and I have no motivation to explore them. Everything is temporary, nothing is permanent. You live life for the enjoyment, the people, the things you do with them. I'm not antisocial, but I find little enjoyment in hanging out with people. I do not feel the need to search for a partner or anything of the sort, because of what has been previously mentioned, and because relationships, whether you care about them a lot or not, inevitably fall apart in one way or another.

If everything is so meaningless, pointless, temporary, and small, then what's the point? I find no real happiness in doing things, and the only thing keeping me from just killing myself are those who would grieve over me. Now, this may sound selfish, mostly because it is, but it's getting to the point where I'm caring less and less about that. I can feel myself slowly caring less and less about how people would take my death, effectively having nothing to stop me from ending it.

I know people have it worse, or that I should just suck it up and deal with life, but I don't really have to now do I? If life is so pointless and temporary, why shouldn't I just end it all when I'm starting to care less about how it would affect people?",6.301984126984133,6.409462603896108,6.561255411255412,78.49839105339106,65.81818181818181,9.874747474747474,31.613275613275608,9.633347757342033,2.7918435786435785,1881,67,359,35,27,606,191,462,0.113,0.721,0.166,0.986,0,0,1,0,0,1,59.0,0,5,4,2,28,25,3,1,21,0,44,7,1,11,2,80,77,44,3,9,23,0,4,1,3,6,6,3,0,3,33,19,0,2,14,1,0,3,9,7,0,2,7,7,50,18,55,64,14,49,0,1,0,0,21,25,1,16,21,273,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657577497080187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310635219456398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692461476567219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504277764646476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562510896912846,0.0,0.0,0.07190734705783558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39043451374326504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579933430976498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305754042927688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294421633557485,0.06243173251743199,0.06016721467506135,0.0,0.12908452956923194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500085622971678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493099589315706,0.0,0.03334519941054601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397070717938309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285339467687773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672935267587342,0.07061136272148366,0.06646246320680872,0.035075784197777835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934453361985136,0.0,0.2704829983622781,0.031180989567073793,0.06396801931139387,0.16907223765535712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054260546650153535,0.0,0.06039143827778951,0.213013759808602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094339262914789,0.0,0.04691769334153124,0.04732439443020292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496188146696166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043248526542076685,0.14562218290107326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092685280084164,0.22123625796244228,0.1114566202570994,0.0,0.0,0.3016696818689517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688126409973091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149704436149552,0.0,0.0,0.07264523529935579,0.04088703568457433,0.0,0.06301811023859312,0.06852266649411459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075509241867311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049134529297982406,0.0,0.0,0.04517467614465542,0.0,0.0,0.05335939164417395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798740804342133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960626886485533,0.08179117804910553,0.0,0.0,0.07443211470775604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062346388190243074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052661158305540114,0.0,0.0506602069354053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759087642066564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504170613751616,0.13601537349232895,0.0697810929124026,0.0,0.08220061821161803
suicidewatch,coolplanets,2019/02/02,"I (f29) have no life experience, see no point in continuing on. I am a 29-year-old female who has no life experience, and it has made me deeply depressed. I have never left the state I was born in, I have never dated anyone, I do not have friends, I haven't even left the state I live in. My life is so broken that I don't know which piece to pick up to try to put it back together, everything is so overwhelming to me. The only time I feel okay is when I'm asleep. This is no way to live and at 29 I feel like I have led a long enough life. ",2.43,2.772757211864409,4.262500000000003,90.77391949152545,74.33898305084746,7.933898305084746,22.377118644067803,8.07648339933343,0.6823016949152536,413,9,104,6,8,141,70,118,0.166,0.7959999999999999,0.038,-0.9265,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,1,16,5,1,3,2,11,22,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,2,0,0,2,3,15,3,11,20,2,23,0,2,1,0,2,9,0,0,10,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561389507320195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714100788868546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424124244308506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084680601650684,0.0,0.1092095939154758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860248696350675,0.3234805872413646,0.0,0.0,0.16720799561813926,0.11812334558990062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277460501963348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086993755203304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592982214783929,0.0,0.4671555933760898,0.08077979265678388,0.0,0.2920074163017216,0.14632616809182686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645455548582884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550503379380317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735030039803547,0.0,0.0,0.1257532223351744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630558677293946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621858201676976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317594997581873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641468851020088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225920409441023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124410318629445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647752023889834
suicidewatch,TheVectorEffect,2019/02/02,"Can't take it anymore Posted here a few hours ago. I'm still hurting, can't take it anymore.",0.7614999999999981,2.70192415,2.4700000000000024,95.165,82.5,4.0,25.0,3.1291,0.12650000000000006,73,3,16,0,2,24,15,20,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27160230093992555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6077266438370377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017391564664465,0.0,0.3280041412363233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934434651501165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446889024897673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607445659370202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaynotbrave,2019/02/02,"I want death I'm a disappointment to my family.  Every day is a replay.  I say the wrong things, do the wrong things.  Meds aren't helping.  I'm stuck in a nightmare.  I want to disappear so I can't hurt anyone again.",-1.3475,0.4986887777777795,1.5504166666666668,93.96562500000002,105.66666666666669,4.916666666666668,14.513888888888893,6.6274283507984215,-0.18027777777777754,165,4,37,3,8,57,31,45,0.354,0.494,0.152,-0.8955,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,3,8,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752215441303285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729580303219728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259585941907616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25282225361278104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797596791833022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870990694203964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978946128639991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132725757194248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563422318354497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31636655394711666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864394177112867,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlterEgo002,2019/02/02,No one cares Nothing I say or do matter; if I cease to exist nobody would notice or care; this world is so cold. I can’t go on anymore. ,2.241,2.4141991000000007,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,74.66666666666666,6.0,21.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.11833333333333318,103,2,24,0,2,36,27,30,0.07,0.698,0.232,0.6249,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255923231452658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6694617296450098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658443271589914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31501941892578816,0.3737796930563748,0.0,0.0,0.22246931839505865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108290196834594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332198716847104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Adventurri,2019/02/02,Someone to talk to?? I just got really bad news and I don’t know if I can handle it anymore ,-2.2300000000000004,-0.4280549523809505,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,98.5238095238095,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.19507619047619013,70,2,17,1,3,26,18,21,0.206,0.794,0.0,-0.6313,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47296510737216896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39819869765317656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814273136360324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620964529469935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055198128720097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040830453628764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833210071906661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lordgabenpls,2019/02/02,"Why do I have these thoughts for God's sake. Lately I've been through some shit, family disputes, excessive drinking at certain points, yada yada. The latter even took me to the hospital because I almost froze to death while passed out (and I'm only 17, mind you), and I am glad that where I live has a great health system and that I am alive but I what I'm really scared of are the creeping thoughts that keep popping up in the back of my mind. 


""Probably should've died that night.""

""I deserved to die in that moment."" 

""Why am I not dead right now?""

""Why shouldn't I just fucking do it?""


That's what keeps popping up in my mind and I am really scared that it's going to get worse.

Important note: I am in therapy right now but I am scared shitless of mentioning these thoughts to ANYONE because I assume they'd classify me as insane or some shit. (Mostly my parents as they kinda seem to push every fault away from them and blame me for all this shit. Not directly, but the ""We're trying to help you but YOU don't want help."" Kinda way.)",2.5845507708665565,4.382681971291866,3.6177591706539083,89.80570308346627,76.17703349282297,6.749707602339183,23.094364699627857,7.594959193182576,0.9300141414141416,808,24,169,11,18,260,120,209,0.234,0.6920000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9916,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,3,0,7,11,4,3,6,0,15,6,3,0,2,34,28,13,4,2,8,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,6,1,2,5,1,0,4,4,8,0,0,5,1,25,3,25,21,4,26,0,0,0,1,10,13,4,9,7,107,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309441369134846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789711942031491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611208423592304,0.08684490059611154,0.0,0.13769595596937487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344305098650277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063949252734702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459667408044222,0.0,0.09515792989667686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647102125840936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441242678217516,0.059007176158641476,0.0,0.06418715264859692,0.0,0.0,0.12451819967023668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200513375940927,0.0,0.0,0.15140436690390033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077486210217566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740272388926935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972925125877954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34211559980114103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598777426451596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589696019163633,0.0,0.0,0.12540796577718685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676604953295184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217698409680341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470619818703506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290253362288295,0.0,0.0,0.33922188043353385,0.0,0.0,0.10281753235871993,0.0,0.0,0.3477979137652303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291582378439791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689883678444676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548195778879626,0.07667973993971497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661571441876099,0.08964755970016082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057359125292864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509684990821185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckitol666,2019/02/02,"I can't think of of a reason to continue living. I have no real reason to be alive anymore. I have no love life, no social life, there is very few things I do well, my job sucks, I'm about to be homeless, most of my family are already dead, I have very few friends, I can't find a decent job, and I hate most everything on the planet. So what's the point of going on? I'm in constant mental anguish everyday. The meds don't work. Fuck it. I'm done.",0.6138373424971384,2.2456225257732,3.0896219931271496,92.1079266895762,81.4742268041237,5.9605956471935855,20.0561282932417,6.937597516519254,0.2651887743413517,343,9,79,4,9,119,61,97,0.2,0.6559999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.7070000000000001,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,1,5,0,12,4,0,2,0,8,21,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,0,9,3,11,18,4,8,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,2,3,51,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554824383155625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573805391642594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914938106029228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134049571610555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925889651918085,0.0,0.167051496998411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196060244802568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690682709737115,0.16382159195098087,0.0,0.0,0.10070871690043776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495156851776306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516938571869868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503278573060146,0.0,0.0,0.15647375708809544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993289332834065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683291449063106,0.0,0.17857924394218172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751439210673882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169614585115947,0.0,0.3643890033884394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063644477163346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772599607279467,0.11354471707022493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924225552444292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159327044573276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900611013826022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jxibxnny,2019/02/02,"Anyone out there...? I don't know what's really going on right now. I just want to talk to someone - ANYONE. I want to end it all so badly. A few days back, I thought about jumping in front of a skytrain just to make all of this stop. How are you supposed to deal with parents who watch your every move, from completely taking over your social media/messaging to actually hiring someone to follow you whenever you go out??? I'm always in a state paranoia and fear  as a result of belittling taking place at home and so so much more... My feelings, my opinions, everything is regarded as horribly wrong or stupid... Everything I say is invalid... They've called me a whore and chucked things at my head... I can't take it anymore... I've broken down so many times right in front of my own parents to which they continue to say how much of a ""fucking ungrateful kid"" I am. They absolutely tear down my hopes and dreams of becoming a biol major alongside nitpick every single detail regarding my boyfriend, telling me he's next to nothing when they haven't even given him the chance. Superficiality is something they hate but all they ever comment on is how they hate filipinos and if they're ""ugly..."" They've forcefully torn me away from friends and relationships and have even threatened to kick me out on the streets should I ever go against their words. I turn 19 tomorrow and they made all ths very clear. THERE'S SO MUCH GUILT TRIPPING AND I'M SO LOST. I'm not here to sound like I'm complaining or anything... I just really want someone to talk to... if anyone can even offer advice in dealing with this sort of thing... PLEASE feel free to do so.",4.233333333333333,6.023719952380954,4.795111111111115,83.12600000000003,71.69841269841271,7.706666666666668,28.473015873015875,8.364918446050245,2.047497777777778,1295,50,244,21,25,413,182,315,0.141,0.774,0.085,-0.9612,2,0,1,0,0,1,55.0,0,5,8,1,25,15,4,2,9,0,13,3,1,6,7,49,40,27,0,7,9,2,2,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,9,14,0,1,4,1,1,9,4,11,0,0,4,6,34,5,46,35,12,42,0,1,1,2,33,20,1,7,13,161,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.09745088548860446,0.0,0.0,0.09758396936691913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309316566335921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903624868980174,0.20947745125446854,0.0,0.08217789929102437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382361580206948,0.07678769714656151,0.08338058058414761,0.0,0.11028970919749237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197024501099096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470338422015336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440271458279473,0.20590662926005726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844807210599041,0.0,0.0,0.19787368439982625,0.18066175302975154,0.16827604734058318,0.0,0.17949901379057864,0.0,0.0,0.11237248879092533,0.1009864334192672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715311666188665,0.09232078971884022,0.0,0.0,0.17026159064431906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718605802515474,0.10248719984504644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016970641236336,0.09918547687841736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488153161867005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878751833965255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901114578322996,0.0,0.0,0.09449181836252266,0.06665864590926641,0.10124437196761184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613747896168954,0.22023013279584275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620434675668436,0.0,0.0,0.095820261403804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176981791136155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433451271138357,0.10961846410692208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279482807320281,0.0,0.0,0.10721439231658236,0.0,0.17056316754309886,0.0,0.15882850650908045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017967108896784,0.2538381902688649,0.07687862965602714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348908532337981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22525133895651275,0.16053055079299047,0.08728377056758388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268772203275386,0.0,0.0,0.07927925602313636,0.05823032257446983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862115622494456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239659043187941,0.17670354628347695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918339659815786,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WreckDotNet,2019/02/02,"I almost did it. I almost jumped in front of the train today on my way home but I didn't want to scar the operator.
 
Why is it so fucking hard to get a gun where I live? 
I don't want to involve other people in my suicide. I don't want people to witness me jumping off a roof, I don't want people to see me jump in front of a car or truck or train or whatever

I just want to get into my room, and shoot.",0.03706521739130508,1.247196184782613,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695654,81.71739130434783,5.469565217391305,19.108695652173914,5.985473137389443,-0.28154782608695683,307,7,77,2,8,110,52,92,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.9557,0,0,0,2,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,15,6,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,2,2,13,0,14,13,0,16,0,0,1,1,1,8,1,5,1,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947196749783336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220899608550697,0.20594556914449952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765563179978636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770001642275806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740364371582988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099177200937461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705733909155825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155873898644661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682080426251546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5812518117734917,0.15644298631770168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784547748473506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,30useless30,2019/02/02,"turning 30 makes me feel like my life is over I was always afraid of turning 30 (I was pretty sure I was going to kill myself the day it happened) and my life feels like it's over. I have accomplished nothing, everyone is just getting older. I don't experience joy or ambition anymore. Life is pointless and I wish I wasn't afraid to die because I can't live with this pain. The idea of everything I love eventually dying makes me feel so helpless and pointless. I am in therapy but I feel broken beyond repair. Something broke inside of me last summer and the past 8 months have been agony. I feel like a child, I don't feel like an adult. A scared lost child. I don't know what advice anyone could possibly give me. I am at the end of my life, it feels like it should be over.",2.426844484629296,4.315443094936711,3.7481374321880665,88.2913924050633,76.91139240506328,6.53960216998192,23.311030741410487,7.447530270364453,0.943680289330922,611,19,126,8,14,200,92,158,0.16699999999999998,0.682,0.151,-0.7673,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,3,16,1,3,7,0,19,6,0,2,1,23,38,7,3,3,3,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,7,23,8,13,29,0,14,0,3,0,1,5,6,0,1,12,76,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109040385253692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443526130069553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255455185270644,0.07935693903701536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918427468246073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061491931684858,0.0,0.0,0.07319359097161231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355756154822537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052110464429127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844741774702753,0.1020001833797336,0.1110179240355039,0.0,0.0,0.40169826881354215,0.4053970817647339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059295404209311176,0.10887281977659337,0.0645006829527112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003614782458773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811977385562426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556318055835258,0.0,0.06237278045210976,0.09251193640598948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320653827300556,0.2772347163473869,0.0,0.10021639146029987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389100781686788,0.0,0.10243185658376948,0.0,0.15151490725230427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058902364169442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889958700369202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076454562364802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083419031191798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794629614628014,0.0,0.11546317460337915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362628427245015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737245021352844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696580207782172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297891276703558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468955705080215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305113400577806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confused_and_dim,2019/02/02,"Im pretty dumb. Im definitely not the sharpest shed in the toolbox I'm that one person that messes up so bad at work that it gets the verbal reaction ""this has never happened before"" and co-workers talking about me behind my back in hushed tones. 

I'm still in highschool however I'll shortly be Turing 18. I get average grades at school but if I don't even have the skills to apply what I've learned to real life then what's the point. I learn at such an incredibly slow speed which is the very reason I'm in a slower paced math class than the rest of my grade is taking. It's frustrating to my co-workers who are trying to teach me something, they have to explain things to me over and over again and in the end I'll still probably end up messing up.

 I wonder how much of a loss it would be to society it would truly be if I wasn't here, perhaps things might even be improved. One less person in line at a store, one less person in traffic, and one less person for my family to worry about, so on and so forth.",5.1748420221169065,4.7540478388625615,6.031481042654028,83.13767969984204,68.24170616113744,8.73949447077409,28.483807266982627,8.07648339933343,1.6849807266982622,798,23,169,9,12,264,125,211,0.075,0.867,0.058,-0.5567,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,14,6,2,0,12,0,15,1,0,2,1,20,24,13,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,14,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,6,0,4,1,1,13,0,32,16,5,29,0,1,0,0,8,19,1,4,10,118,27,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980645299618274,0.10837569436393504,0.0,0.0,0.11044831986353268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299245498767978,0.0,0.0,0.17146037117151305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236176109065412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562792779518978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477971612185152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804076732784265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167998497584633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376948943362245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541627636554982,0.0,0.10010802174605866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518172413892952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533375331906055,0.0,0.0,0.12270082216866275,0.0,0.0,0.13205096851040102,0.1399439210075267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477382487136889,0.0,0.13345369834399592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136224623134846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992464447175836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207313291627828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975917497607324,0.10432650976361114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246370687424142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812414784887608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709673210135257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076011628031912,0.28348290996977826,0.13181590929602285,0.0,0.1844091861412892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayAccount1615,2019/02/02,"I’m thinking about suicide seriously for once All my life I would say things like “man I should kill myself” and “it would be better if I was dead” you know the usual depression/jokes i sorta meant it but I never really thought i should. bc my family and my mom. and also my dog wouldn’t understand why lol 
But fr I really want to it’s just got to my head
It gives me a lot of comfort when I think about. Idk. I’m not afraid- I just don’t like living 
I haven’t been able to cry for years and I feel like I’m just so cold in my heart. And I feel like I’m so cold to everyone. I broke up w my gf bc of it, that hurts my heart so bad to think about. I hurt her and I hurt my parents and friends for being distance and for mentally abusing them and a lot of damage has been done I just know I can’t bounce back from it and make it better with them all. 

I also just keep having a vision about ODing or slitting my wrists and just lying down in our pasture in the way back of our house I know that’s edgy but it makes me feel happy   And kinda sad at the same time knowing it would be over idk I just don’t want to be here 
Yeah Ik pretty original huh but whatever 

I’m 16 roughly 175lb 6’0ft I don’t think I’m ugly Girls tell me I’m attractive, but I still don’t like any girl that isn’t my now Ex gf whom I haven’t contacted in nearly 7 weeks or so. my life is basically a clichè btw ",-1.024016351558508,0.9593372038834964,1.5580148185998972,98.37562212570265,91.20064724919094,4.935479475387499,15.574944643161302,6.4704718818221325,-0.5614517799352751,1072,23,267,13,38,366,157,309,0.179,0.655,0.166,-0.8135,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,2,1,2,2,23,21,1,1,7,3,25,6,4,3,3,63,53,27,3,9,16,3,4,5,3,6,2,1,0,3,14,13,0,1,14,0,0,0,11,10,0,0,7,7,45,11,29,36,5,21,0,6,0,0,20,9,0,7,16,166,59,0,0.10434169533536056,0.12362784689211698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688403212414327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095593085723806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046464616882347,0.08712095724950028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456350057238896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146144528173376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677778099092387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997029613580567,0.0,0.0,0.0983640641891005,0.0,0.15827488883614535,0.14908345599207626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061413498533326,0.0,0.0,0.10009406188397592,0.0,0.0,0.08345158555495696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107367491043224,0.0,0.0,0.10708468199391298,0.0,0.0,0.2472908227161558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039630723282645,0.3350998287083292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927436930253751,0.11543862638026955,0.0,0.22937386794096185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739925033178858,0.25488040919123633,0.0,0.09213562860959901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741515615957645,0.0,0.0,0.13929778372579182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515188746938847,0.0,0.0,0.1222037324988748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047474790410884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112050018761192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585910466278568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615301567265584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368792370727808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297670409967338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332741267848147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413287935444333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119924076949147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931998600731078,0.26743178095159714,0.0,0.0828356510158073,0.06084248164373534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862338465163576,0.0,0.0,0.1149176361282178,0.0,0.1230868706178068,0.08282158105106335,0.08369661420398611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415215072764432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223640399702495,0.0,0.0,0.06719263081911224
suicidewatch,iroqerres,2019/02/02,"I don’t know how to deal with my thoughts sometimes. I couldn’t imagine myself writing something here a few years ago, but here I am. I feel like I’m losing myself, and every night it gets harder to resist the urge to end my life. I feel so guilty about it. Other people here need so much support, and yet there’s me: someone who doesn’t have a reason to feel like this and I’ve tried to make it stop but I just feel so exhausted with living. I can’t help but isolate myself from other people because I don’t want them to know  this about me. Sometimes I’m intentionally rude  to make this happen and I’m so sorry. I’ve never made any attempts because I don’t want to hurt the people around me, and I don’t want to leave my cat behind. I love her more than anything. Today’s my birthday, something I’ve hated these past few years. To me, it’s just a reminder how how lonely I am. I really don’t see a future in the long run. Thanks for hearing me out.",1.6342288557213926,3.372319412935326,3.2654975124378147,91.53963930348259,78.75124378109453,5.063681592039801,20.619402985074625,5.46131890053228,-0.09609253731343292,746,19,160,3,18,247,105,201,0.181,0.688,0.131,-0.9141,0,2,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,2,17,11,2,0,7,0,11,3,0,8,1,38,36,15,0,5,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,9,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,6,27,5,21,33,4,16,0,3,1,1,8,3,0,0,14,104,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882544946019898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115722554255898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031006886631786,0.11933112521816118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634288132163701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819758505428914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118726725911458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294120761686915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711147527778165,0.19152781252178536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003453879938841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853818918854996,0.0,0.0,0.13234463175556205,0.0,0.0,0.151081819816855,0.0,0.08984953779028775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435011388796498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473385322470934,0.0,0.0,0.14193745962114848,0.0,0.0,0.0946820550796025,0.13097814751396605,0.0,0.1183668253830528,0.11862824723328365,0.0,0.1499654054911595,0.0,0.0,0.1209835387728564,0.12683944321769655,0.1789561398922203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854069169747012,0.09939488131630088,0.10338606874082196,0.0,0.0,0.1257949519399601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796396818234831,0.27879598081878965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587457078267359,0.1378236527908663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681888767044848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135784214938282,0.20639337351936315,0.2651537667375465,0.1500557429591706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120701165527824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211606323768506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341337337527862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064191256655522,0.0,0.0,0.12706181462419228,0.0,0.0,0.09100978171700773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371949213549913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264501299262164
suicidewatch,anonowoo,2019/02/02,"I just don’t have reasons I don’t have anymore reasons, no one cares about me at all, I can’t cope with anything and I’m the worst person alive, I don’t even have suicide anymore because when I attempted they said they better not see me again. I have nothing",1.9377777777777752,3.890175740740745,3.044222222222224,92.47300000000004,78.62962962962962,5.060740740740742,27.46666666666667,5.6839178017228535,0.8468711111111116,206,9,43,1,5,66,36,54,0.192,0.657,0.151,-0.5106,0,2,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,1,7,12,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,2,10,2,3,11,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905598151528826,0.0,0.0,0.20352737315467592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076700338218305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873883333565688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521642856733309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335580713622466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373149747895862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759379744401476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595462010699346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085825129000932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526267903883416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708597623320906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705333697920234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,for-the_love-of_cake,2019/02/02,"Bipolar, downward swing. Can't go back to hospital. My mum's death anniversary is coming up next week. It will be 10 years since she killed herself. I don't know how or why, but I am in an intense downward swing because of it. I have been hospitalized four times in five years and I made myself promise I would legitimately rather die than go back ever again. My s.o. is out of town. We've been drifting apart and it's my fault. Some times I am happy but when I get sad again like this it all comes back down to this common denominator: that I will always get sad and each time it gets worse. Darker. 

​

Does anyone have anything? Does anyone have a good T.V. show or something to look forward to. I don't want to hear any bullsh\*t about ""life gets better"" because it doesn't. It's ugly and cruel. I would love if someone could maybe tell me about their dog with a photo. Anything. I am so sad. ",2.122166666666665,4.400547772222222,2.9944444444444467,91.40500000000002,79.6111111111111,5.1111111111111125,21.666666666666664,6.139981653823899,0.19533333333333314,709,21,146,5,18,224,117,180,0.179,0.6779999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.8166,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,12,12,2,0,3,0,20,3,0,2,2,25,34,12,3,6,6,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,1,1,0,6,4,6,0,2,3,2,19,6,16,25,3,30,0,3,1,1,7,10,0,4,17,92,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132044156814866,0.1474100100058808,0.1653155201244787,0.09251859747345942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902585070496441,0.0,0.223914951293634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138419261418244,0.0,0.16586951276255432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032508073289275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343898846502774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862477481399574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411983168795377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381163689462999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306492371817565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843218303696565,0.0,0.15464058708893982,0.11411220142865992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482764858108962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333812531040036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051905708141047,0.0,0.07476946712762188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609606797192294,0.06646710908290243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142476511097352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279034665677425,0.1287337051009413,0.0,0.0,0.13668041108203505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469061229575972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254188333122166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527463892538535,0.10473785995665393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891360940093973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799537264088555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802457560585649,0.0,0.10913102352232927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122763873705743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138646471353349,0.1932918912535711,0.0,0.1653155201244787,0.17522335029171338
suicidewatch,wanna-be-anon,2019/02/02,"Honetly idk I dont know what im even doing here. I just feel like there is nothing and nowhere for me. All i can feel is either nothing or unbearably sad. Im ignoring friends every opitunity i can. I feel like im loosing my girlfriend. I only hurt everyone i talk too and i dont cause anything good. Im behind on my education, i feel alone but for the first time its not a feeling ive enjoyed. I have no hopes or dreams. I care about nothing, not family, not friends, not even my girlfriend (i still love her, its complicated and i dont have the words to describe it). 

I would do something to end myself but i know im not strong and brave enough to do it, and knowing im that weak makes me sadder. The only thing i can do is push away all emotion and be empty, because as bad as it is im used to it, its my way of being normal. 

I dont understand how people have hopes or dreams, and i mentioned how bad i was feeling to my girlfriend but she just got scared i would die so i havnt brought it up again. But in that talk i realised i cant even comprehend my life having meaning to anyone.

I know this is just me rambling and i will probably regret posting this as ill think im taking the place of someone having a worse time with a gun to their head. I encoage all people who see this to help them instead of me. Ill probably suvive, they might not. Plus my life is meaningless and my future bleak, while they could cure cancer or something useful.

Sorry for wasting your time",1.0984068627450974,3.2602262058823537,2.9086560457516377,91.24082720588235,82.69281045751634,5.524346405228759,23.28799019607843,6.770275591412753,0.7186539215686274,1153,42,244,13,32,383,156,306,0.245,0.633,0.123,-0.9913,0,1,2,1,0,1,30.0,0,1,4,2,17,20,0,1,7,0,32,8,1,6,3,61,56,25,1,7,18,0,6,2,5,4,6,0,0,0,16,11,0,1,13,2,0,2,12,8,0,1,3,7,47,12,25,46,5,18,0,3,1,1,18,5,0,7,11,172,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483872633310318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052530422167453,0.0,0.05946315468007062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788988556794769,0.0,0.1206668070944664,0.04404853019918965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367305778759962,0.07423009058306135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769308167708857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499362868505588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33874891978717386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128186045761601,0.06400019273024893,0.07466305709897536,0.0,0.14317953615379736,0.0,0.06088148223726182,0.06904675054525226,0.0,0.0,0.06811953135766298,0.0,0.21921849899323526,0.10324395640909592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146362823162806,0.0,0.0,0.11165453849990016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060757841523105,0.05779227348850732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415877346208735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484338104260588,0.0,0.0,0.14353935558150918,0.0,0.0,0.07735495504320541,0.0,0.6244185805291758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884703950209644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207760260667313,0.07060437841599587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521673817927713,0.0,0.04823356896030672,0.0,0.0,0.07871143902427706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665557923424618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079866196870771,0.20800391861421744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991273689581432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001908450847479,0.0,0.07549547167001401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920432763089747,0.0,0.15581525192864593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234405270805838,0.0,0.05758121725042657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122497533557384,0.11125730607055097,0.0,0.08088824479864475,0.0,0.0,0.05770628072049215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432991646099455,0.1161583960533671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800579357375725,0.0463007698460537,0.0,0.0,0.12640474050281406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522436286007485,0.0,0.12481747557812675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057355979889699274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363828564639993,0.10266170759577377,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inbetweenthebars,2019/02/02,"Casually Sucidal ""I need to get out of bed and do some work.""

Or I could just slice my neck open and watch the blood spurt out as I bleed to death.

Any remote task I think about which requires minimal effort is immediately coupled with ""or I could just kill myself"". 

And then I just get on with my day.",4.262868852459018,4.8145404918032835,5.252581967213113,84.56608606557378,70.31147540983606,8.722950819672132,25.08606557377049,8.841846274778883,1.4318491803278683,234,6,52,4,4,77,45,61,0.136,0.8370000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,19,8,7,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,10,6,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,2,35,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338172043205275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490429353782905,0.38044300494093175,0.0,0.22174286718401276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592755257849595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803986018468697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549466938558571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031333608451836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503134204145198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JRambs24,2019/02/02,"Regardless of how bad I feel I’m still afraid to die,does anybody else feel the same way?.",5.670526315789478,4.614045526315788,5.483157894736844,89.59210526315792,67.42105263157895,9.705263157894738,29.52631578947368,8.841846274778883,1.7596947368421056,71,2,17,1,1,22,17,19,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825990887526759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475565645400668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38278854335116735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633850847752452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659394153303803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637180127445683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oceanblu3hair,2019/02/02,"If therapy doesn't work im just going to do it I feel like I'm constantly fucking up, big and small things. The voices in my head have gotten so loud that sometimes screaming at them doesn't make them stop. I don't feel joy anymore, nothing makes me truly happy. The idea of my boyfriend finding me no longer scares me, the only thing that has kept me here in the last 6 months has been my dog. I truly want to be here, I don't want to die, but I don't feel like I can keep living like this much longer. I hope someone can change my mind. I've given myself a date, hopefully a therapist can convince me otherwise. I still want to experience life but not like this.",2.6246837944664034,4.039357528985509,3.753451910408433,90.49701581027672,75.15942028985508,6.757312252964428,23.41501976284585,7.348242739294969,0.7723826086956525,521,15,114,6,11,169,88,138,0.07400000000000001,0.706,0.219,0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,1,5,12,1,1,6,0,14,3,1,2,0,22,31,5,1,6,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,6,20,9,9,26,1,13,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,3,10,68,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886526505242176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879272225105034,0.0,0.0,0.1622117477462169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155786797874447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468329127083412,0.0,0.0,0.2276949961737497,0.21447215784701915,0.0,0.0,0.13719457723676148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877099560172726,0.0,0.0,0.08530895557545318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979110880891342,0.0,0.0,0.15405252492145766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981791515771923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694519126905948,0.16214072598498666,0.0,0.0,0.13342151104218392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235679238999393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602462584906763,0.2933377200758271,0.0,0.13254674672649472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003944439050691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156472544636249,0.0,0.11981353746500364,0.0,0.11034551330079197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403118857972744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416272039939054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028274420456836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718470921746064,0.0,0.14845911871676154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987520604508152,0.12549571475165364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165980916395548,0.17428515961146984,0.199448112897293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656100226047983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927928443003547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Downandout002,2019/02/02,"Tired of living with Schizophrenia I browse this sub a lot and decided to add my last words before I take my life. As the title says I’m done with the treatment and holding out hope that my life will someday improve. I’m tired of living in a world with no pleasure, paranoia, and cognitive impairment. I’m going out on my own terms and dignity before my condition continues to worsen. im glad that by ending my life, I’ll be ending this evil scourge inside my mind. 

I just got the helium and bag that I’ll use. I hope it’s relatively quick and painless but if not at least it will be temporary and I will soon be at peace. Goodbye everyone",3.567906976744183,5.060370480620153,4.899914728682173,82.90894186046512,72.87596899224806,8.26077519379845,27.62868217054264,8.841846274778883,2.157306356589147,508,19,100,10,10,169,80,129,0.093,0.767,0.14,0.7290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,5,0,7,5,0,1,0,25,16,10,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,7,13,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,12,4,15,8,4,15,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,4,7,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041285107435778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287661377931064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165580564005756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075968228334604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015618108469502,0.0,0.1429262084225386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549875202047452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303138377435144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566791165976722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37867254110540577,0.0,0.0,0.31559846275479064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192806354698826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804404692686526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211288647781453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436344505857534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107887661700818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434319721651107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DL8292,2019/02/02,"Being isolated is driving me insane. Everybody gave up on me after many times I've cried for help. I have a private crisis counselor and therapist for bipolar disorder. Last night, I wore gloves and cut through them. The polar vortex is hitting my area hard, and I stayed outside to see if frostbite could kill me. I went to the pier the same night and contemplated to drown myself.

Right at the moment, I have a knife in my hand. I just like the feeling. I refuse to tell my parents because my mom would be in danger. My dad blames her for everything negative that ever happened to me. He made threats to kill her. My dad believes anyone with suicidal thoughts should just commit suicide. He told me this right in my face. The better, he doesn't believe in mental health diagnoses.

My boyfriend is doing the best that he can for me. He feels helpless, and I've hesitated to talk to him. I'm in college far away from anyone that I know. I don't know where else to turn anymore.

I made this decision to return to college to improve my grades from a 0.4 GPA I earned last year. People at my college witnessed the rage episodes and meltdowns in public and on social media. People give me weird looks, like I'm mentally insane. I feel so isolated and reluctant to even be on campus. I've strayed away from anything having to do with it. I want to transfer as soon as I'm out of academic probation.

I really can't take it here anymore. The isolation is driving me crazy, and I don't know what would be the best option for me right now.

Please help me.",3.2053409369634513,5.326485771523182,4.0887785136129535,85.67011650723575,75.39072847682121,6.858180034338975,27.410350748099088,7.793537801064563,1.7408252146185923,1221,49,232,18,27,392,168,302,0.224,0.6759999999999999,0.101,-0.9916,1,1,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,1,4,9,13,6,0,13,0,22,5,2,2,2,35,46,13,5,6,3,4,5,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,8,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,7,7,40,5,45,30,3,37,0,1,2,0,23,21,0,2,14,151,48,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092221887865056,0.1475127589904078,0.0,0.08680377229047673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821007477229444,0.0,0.0,0.06430164369368949,0.0,0.0,0.2376871259451397,0.22139644168014486,0.0932914113008424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421983582233859,0.0,0.1158684574755282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706333421271212,0.0,0.0,0.12089300622447148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811776604151755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967072814428503,0.0954156884447503,0.0,0.0,0.0948015929700477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000658534558507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118919794033143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327853828572998,0.0,0.09449232228608014,0.0,0.0,0.11212382063919264,0.0,0.0,0.1414064717556197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334032967568698,0.0,0.1739125974749743,0.17196594455876474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030676293531199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885794095870474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962170742296811,0.0,0.10694351505440328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260472309082712,0.0,0.0,0.1235407719911463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979778722959699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712672714293199,0.0,0.0,0.14625768426043012,0.0,0.0,0.1157889928954212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757530626506304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702464984676969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405653714988139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752694566569747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243116817571576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307632301681148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931031783319427,0.08478348495713812,0.09219705797262076,0.0,0.0,0.1224742472801717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374196160478356,0.06150816344495386,0.0,0.0,0.10079381835649877,0.0,0.0,0.11473554559343925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062216786292669926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977840805670502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498646268776211,0.0,0.0,0.0679277900418111
suicidewatch,idkanymore179,2019/02/02,"For those thinking of cutting but are afraid It doesn't hurt. At least, it didn't for me. I used a pencil sharpener blade, so if you are gonna use one clean the blade. Also they're sharp, so you don't need to put much pressure on it in order to cut. I was afraid to when I first cut, but when I did I was surprised to find out how painless it was. I felt nothing. Also this is my first post here so sorry if its stupid idk what else to say lmao ",1.1319387755102035,2.3033878571428623,2.5528061224489806,98.5788010204082,78.59183673469387,5.308163265306123,19.392857142857142,5.148860815047168,-0.5725142857142855,342,7,86,1,8,111,68,98,0.161,0.677,0.162,0.4682,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,9,9,4,3,2,0,10,0,0,3,0,12,16,12,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,3,6,3,10,1,12,9,2,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36955269523396855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930186297194444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218511325067861,0.0,0.2111820814231906,0.3930742475850268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473514957170641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985361698631,0.17132597519540393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217056009555799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657032857575706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128891342558926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322762896634292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837459477180834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25864960202869675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805211466901208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991184437846767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Switch_Mist,2019/02/02,"I want to die I want to end my life, simply because I don't want anything that life has to offer and I see nothing wrong with choosing to die.",0.6015053763440861,2.389570870967745,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,82.2258064516129,4.133333333333334,23.23655913978495,3.1291,-0.11081505376344047,111,4,25,0,3,37,21,31,0.228,0.584,0.188,-0.6537,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197804125088999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280676983377865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543644879461774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365496555738153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772867034976411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562661829971944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282462641197208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725842182511203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29200517597176984,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fancyyouwithapassion,2019/02/02,"need to talk i just need to talk to someone

i don’t trust myself anymore & i just need someone to listen because nobody in my life will do it",3.6406451612903226,3.9130170967741975,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,71.58064516129029,6.2,28.403225806451612,3.1291,0.8585354838709676,114,4,24,0,2,38,20,31,0.0,0.887,0.113,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956365532463485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705972625409433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632890480034726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272443109265613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.606952033490439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623756138034142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43861846721226055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_apthy,2019/02/02,"I started planning it out. The Universe is big. I am small. I'm not enjoying my time here. The world is going to hell. In the scheme of things, I am small and insignificant. We all turn to dust, so why make a positive impact on the world? I'd stay if I was enjoying myself, but I am not. Every day it's something: sexual frustration, feeling beholden to the capitalist system of student debt and minimum-wage jobs. 

I've been to four different therapists in multiple states. Other than racking up a bill, it has done little to help me. I'm not interested in going back. 

My dad is disappointed in my attitude.  I used to have grand ideals about helping people and making a difference. After experiencing the real world, all I care about is myself, and all I care about is surving.   I've moved back in with my parents after going out-of-state for college. My family is falling apart. My parents sleep in separate beds. 

I am a cog in the machine. And I am too small and poor to change it. There is the constant feeling that I am far away from home. I'm not talking about a home like the one you grew up in, but home like the feeling of peace and fulfilllment. 

I get it, there are starving children in Africa who'd kill to have a life like I do in the US. Let them have my stuff, I'm sure they can find better use for it. I want off this ride. ",2.1771747211895907,4.203816412639409,4.047292193308549,85.21025427509295,78.182156133829,7.277977695167286,24.88639405204461,8.238735603445708,1.6056705130111526,1041,38,213,20,25,352,149,269,0.126,0.7020000000000001,0.173,0.9178,6,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,2,1,2,4,11,16,3,0,17,0,25,2,1,4,4,32,45,11,1,3,7,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,12,10,0,0,4,0,3,7,4,4,0,2,3,4,29,12,38,40,3,44,1,1,0,0,13,26,1,1,11,146,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474950125907245,0.18782797646573499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801815125517536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249048781468242,0.0,0.129202239503531,0.0,0.0,0.13198414124709318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876672962270424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552093776261295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498612631424165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290368976460867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513765539448782,0.0,0.1852648094469064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162883522272056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381030100074199,0.0,0.20823576711462694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637285302213162,0.0,0.3675329634385997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211997703125602,0.0,0.1351238675725366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489092963913682,0.08626729807280502,0.1790064265574648,0.12241098085592413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305162207412424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298097783978235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276158323454763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712320963341379,0.0,0.0,0.08467277126791717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901594270435091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222228298531292,0.0,0.0,0.09402520181188187,0.0,0.0,0.08644751668481024,0.13017926045343106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398149259585658,0.0,0.0,0.1151104393061846,0.0,0.0,0.09816718574990982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180771394819575,0.08114081831263803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121768241880032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284740090693942,0.0,0.0,0.14691291666177808,0.2109702049309181,0.0,0.0,0.07203816662929889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102075028568268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wednesdaywarri0r,2019/02/02,I have given up I really feel like there is no other option for me anymore. I just want to end my pain and suffering. last year I attempted suicide but was saved by my friend who called me moments before I acted. today Ive to the realization that I wish id done it then as my life for me has gotten worse. I plan on ending it later tonight.,3.1708333333333307,3.8673066388888913,5.267666666666667,82.944,72.8888888888889,7.982222222222222,24.12222222222222,8.238735603445708,1.3253188888888892,266,7,56,4,5,93,57,72,0.158,0.66,0.182,0.4384,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,11,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,1,14,3,8,7,0,12,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,39,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444328733643304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097285560941492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516743143590811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25222527185989674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366000670344251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246230769947822,0.17607883807123975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042278200325585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009066542755771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408966379457005,0.12041321687605727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622623821198774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578955499380508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695991268611789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362556474356666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537490438483233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834293356584979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511748721213054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871915878054085
suicidewatch,Dreamarche,2019/02/02,"I'm embarrassed that I told my mom I'm suicidal I've been internally struggling with depression for a while now and hadn't told anybody, but yesterday I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that recently I've been having suicidal thoughts. She reacted as any parent would and told me how worrying that is and suggested we try and find a therapist who I can talk to. But right after I told her I started to feel really embarrassed and regretted that I said anything at all. I started yelling at my mom even though she did nothing wrong and told her to forget I said anything and to leave me alone. I then locked myself in the basement and spent the entire night playing video games to distract myself.

I've been avoiding my mom all day and ignoring her texts, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and I don't even want to look at her, and then I feel like a horrible person for doing so because I'm lashing out at her when she doesn't deserve it. All day I've just been crying and playing games and watching YouTube to distract myself.

I don't know what to do, I wish I never said anything at all but it's too late to take it back. ",6.827368421052633,6.05821945614035,7.0875438596491245,78.08947368421053,64.96491228070175,10.757894736842106,36.54385964912281,10.125756701596842,3.5232912280701747,908,40,180,18,12,295,117,228,0.241,0.684,0.075,-0.9905,1,2,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,11,16,0,8,6,0,15,0,0,2,5,41,38,26,2,4,4,5,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,9,17,0,2,6,5,1,0,5,12,0,0,16,9,33,4,23,21,4,26,0,2,2,0,29,9,0,0,18,122,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354213957931864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798524015526357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468084064247539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687326044785467,0.0,0.06094276700872884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981592385460147,0.1289489549926872,0.0,0.08610681617270283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206278125180618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164844147732506,0.07142091179939804,0.0,0.10951581182440916,0.09137374192105308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494268523050914,0.0,0.11277418372385628,0.10585723975184644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884188149008111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395235347248166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468349861748483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710553574024516,0.0,0.0,0.09381812540976496,0.0,0.09592703238667166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100846623407826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872927882255325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404542572617611,0.0,0.09871152630936476,0.0,0.0,0.08537661167469224,0.2852923712657813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152316582921826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451375038126397,0.0,0.21870902456724065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516744430548569,0.08035471370754421,0.08738102947541156,0.0,0.0,0.1160766519767433,0.0,0.0,0.09822321331635896,0.07936759562858718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776436367071497,0.0,0.06787527625684685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058966814738488076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496430692731816,0.0,0.0,0.07278171873801914,0.10152769106894832,0.0,0.07101813043971429,0.10930505790858246,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,N-O-11,2019/02/02,"I never asks for advice but I really need one  So in short, I don't know how to open up, I never talk about the shitty stuff that happened to me, been depressed for a long time. But I WANT TO CHANGE. is there any way i can get over myself with talking to anyone? :) ",1.0755357142857136,2.6619397678571453,2.8958571428571425,94.24914285714287,79.89285714285714,5.194285714285715,16.557142857142857,5.6839178017228535,-0.6480742857142854,201,3,46,1,5,67,45,56,0.154,0.7390000000000001,0.108,-0.586,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,8,0,11,9,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24589588012859304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112117386257342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594980875610125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352457808521652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661976232106132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167338002688652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146947396594558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252096814879704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382926171965384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269002593043613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658497629280854,0.38815453933942795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051513065748236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120452624367174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880631258602985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045111234033464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673103084977734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842148875171318,0.19973701985711484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Turltemeat,2019/02/02,"Im having a mental breakdown I dont know whats happened to me, I can't think right and ive been screaming and crying and I dont even know who i am right now. I'm so confused im not sure if im even alive. I want so desperately to be out of this its unbearable and i will find any way out I can. I'm almost 17 and i still need to learn how to drive and find a job i cant go back to the hospital right now, plus it'll be my 8th time there. How can they help me anymore? I'm so tired of these ups and downs. This is the worst its ever been, i just want a way out please I'm desperate. ",-2.3403623188405795,-0.6144101086956493,0.8246376811594196,102.80550724637683,95.7391304347826,4.22608695652174,14.18840579710145,5.82211442006289,-1.1246550724637676,447,9,124,4,18,157,79,138,0.18,0.743,0.077,-0.9381,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,1,5,0,16,1,0,2,2,29,28,14,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,1,15,1,13,22,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,3,6,79,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647303113529825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947184485719487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506524517214964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247625248469033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067594253645825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34286583135240994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322618347877185,0.13231388427573795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673849400144733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313131039383331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935027689177792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804488048392257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740054872932183,0.0,0.1451551171797761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077755256304008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741054215525462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846087246565436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056574821278172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37475350759412346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681520298820584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786221923535408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937269524313026,0.0,0.0,0.08529398207697539,0.16812130535091946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255327285729133,0.2322121734323941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muddyminded,2019/02/02,"At this point I just feel numb, I’m realizing I have nothing left to live for I don’t want to kill myself, but I don’t want to be alive either. If there was an option to simply cease my existence I’d take it in a heartbeat. 

No good I’ve done in this world truly outweighs the bad and the mediocre. I’m not particularly talented, likable or intelligent, I don’t see the point in living if I have nothing to contribute to society or the lives of those around me. If I were to simply disappear one day the world would be no worse off than it had been before. 

I can barely maintain my relationships, for whatever reason talking to people drains me, I don’t reach out to them and they don’t reach out to me. I recently found out that some friends I used to have continued talking to each other long after my relationships with them fizzled out. They showed no interest in staying in contact but I guess it’s on me for doing the same to them. I’m nothing spectacular, even those that think they like me come to realize I’m insufferable in time. 

The only time my relationships with anyone last more than a year is when the other person puts an inordinate amount of effort in staying in contact with me. I guess you could say I ghost people, though it’s never an intentional, calculated move on my part, I simply don’t have the energy to talk to anyone. I know it’s terrible of me to do and I know I’m an irredeemable person when I leave messages unanswered for weeks at a time, but I don’t know how to fix it. 

Rambling aside, anyone who’s conversed with me would agree the world would be better off if I weren’t in it. Everything seems so hopeless at this point, I’ve got nothing, I can barely write a coherent sentence, I ignore everyone who cares for me, I’m twenty and I can’t drive, I dropped out of high school, my health has been in the dump since I was eleven and it isn’t getting any better, I’m mean and selfish, I don’t have a single redeeming quality or skill to my name. 

I’m just a pathetic, worthless lump of a human who spends all their time being miserable. 

Would it really be so terrible if I died?",4.107509758001561,5.116602955503511,5.519313817330211,80.84296760343484,70.96721311475409,8.784668227946916,27.81647150663544,9.120678840339163,2.1888648555815764,1670,58,336,33,30,563,200,427,0.166,0.7240000000000001,0.11,-0.9837,3,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,7,5,11,19,2,1,22,0,39,3,0,4,2,64,66,23,3,12,15,0,1,1,1,4,3,1,0,3,21,18,0,1,11,1,1,5,16,11,0,2,10,3,52,8,59,46,9,54,0,3,1,0,28,31,0,13,16,235,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611706387060999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869018845915336,0.0,0.0,0.08007660504876297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510640104716675,0.0,0.0,0.07654276962507517,0.0,0.0,0.15911097318364628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171235002902962,0.0,0.0,0.07748592900156961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181958045337346,0.0,0.0,0.058011782552893625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335627067007082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205241878901496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941263618417542,0.0,0.0,0.0859532635747219,0.08084331401195131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548257829085265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862803809006837,0.0694969126078284,0.0,0.04699635650764301,0.0,0.0,0.07544770928410019,0.07194305997766683,0.0,0.19818516748255746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956150730823463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503952830855246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995188763183648,0.0,0.14830627089510567,0.07332311841910938,0.0,0.09524648221432896,0.09773342134592464,0.0,0.0,0.04394614300887464,0.0,0.2382885481825343,0.0796049419961469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798440927883087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560504382656512,0.0,0.0,0.06937674792697837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452465756903929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095399660914536,0.06841276649531336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740955936376333,0.0,0.1247231773738499,0.15708573207941293,0.0,0.0,0.2551019547151364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042689187229397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576257374236981,0.09248593098183898,0.08881702996426542,0.2897252726333901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153366781582167,0.0,0.09103651520586296,0.07168032534761418,0.08188918230852979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440946007134487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175433552960736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763292396365478,0.21690071915509984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057637792406786015,0.08837766374885697,0.0,0.20980760410850416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768989338656028,0.0,0.0,0.10611237709184776,0.0,0.07215429755543269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166906371947857,0.25559809092615804,0.0,0.0,0.05792632263281758
suicidewatch,SaratarVatsana,2019/02/02,"If my mother doesn’t kill me I’ll do it myself I have been depressed and barely hanging on for years now. I’ve been in therapy for years, I’ve been on medication for years, none of it is working. I hate myself so much. I can’t do anything right at all, I fuck everything up, and it’s so painful. Nobody in my life will put up with me because I let every single person down. My existence is not only a waste of space, it is an active detriment to everyone around me. 

I live with my mother now after graduating college. I am 23. Actually I just turned 23 yesterday. I have no friends. Nobody called me, nobody but my mom wished me happy birthday, even other family. I had no party or anyone to spend time with. Today I went out on my own to see a movie to treat myself and when I got home I realized I didn’t have my purse. I just went back and it’s not there. The management checked lost and found and they don’t have it. My wallet was in there, including a credit card in my mother’s name. 

She is going to kill me. I cannot go home. I’m so ashamed. I hate myself so much, I fuck up every single thing. I’m nothing but a problem for everyone in my life including myself. I can’t even spend my birthday alone without fucking it up. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t face her, I can’t face the rest of my life like this. Maybe losing a wallet sounds like a stupid reason to kill yourself but this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back, the latest of many endless screwups and disappointments. I can’t sum up the courage to go home and tell her I’ve ruined everything yet again. ",0.9111038961038992,3.0660480757575783,2.9265367965367983,90.87409090909092,83.39393939393939,5.7108225108225135,20.64069264069264,6.9916214562510826,0.4679419913419918,1235,37,265,16,35,415,159,330,0.203,0.7,0.097,-0.9911,0,1,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,1,3,19,25,9,1,13,0,30,10,2,1,1,31,48,18,3,3,11,4,0,2,1,1,5,1,3,1,13,13,0,0,3,0,4,7,16,18,0,0,11,2,50,7,37,35,8,41,0,6,1,3,13,19,3,2,17,186,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.09812068348774693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413776485311246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997169431840838,0.07030574286833326,0.0,0.0827427232250798,0.08950934731107323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546309464443354,0.0,0.061293339755562226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267110540582457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660214489747861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132822471273286,0.0,0.16943263980505602,0.1921565110595021,0.18073274378371484,0.0,0.09478803403005996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024607387685534,0.07768340433355464,0.27886598285657765,0.0,0.0,0.1714318301159523,0.0,0.08041769925486908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703558625854848,0.0,0.1985413543517282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30257457411499983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33372554913999314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281749830774366,0.21306081552702466,0.0982456879925935,0.0,0.08878603351766914,0.0,0.0,0.11248788227056128,0.10976039959414964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194024330247282,0.1010143302991888,0.0,0.0,0.10129188250426877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776101008224935,0.0,0.0,0.14782921021312662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647885182136444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076471549624405,0.1069905315812018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779493924441531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621118979610356,0.0,0.10107886149680198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338044816710493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586773990432836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801240154100344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788368810133079,0.0,0.11498579894621527,0.0,0.06679985467042485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863055037490743,0.0,0.0953080772043296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936772956534294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864186521088784,0.0,0.0,0.11562563812124857,0.09692501950777227,0.0,0.07320039495358363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424951873909072
suicidewatch,Just_Joe_Bloggs,2019/02/02,"Every scenario is better off with out me in My wife, kids, colleagues and friends all would be better off and caused less grief if I was no longer here. It's a sad horrible truth to realise but eventually what will save them in the end ",5.143120567375885,5.704947000000002,5.081702127659575,86.53333333333335,68.36170212765957,7.9687943262411345,28.43262411347518,7.793537801064563,1.5102113475177306,187,6,39,2,3,58,43,47,0.14300000000000002,0.639,0.217,0.6183,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,1,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,11,5,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,7,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6793197291453293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945238046001402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401531553141035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323577592500222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967150719057949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728171766280593,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drowning35,2019/02/02,"Its all been for naught I was never one for thought of ending it, but as of late I feel like slipping closer and closer to it. Like its there and just a call away. A closer call then what I can consider what I presume are my friends. Which is odd, consider I fear death, but maybe maybe Im just wrong.

Its been a long string of shit after shit. 35, and at this age nothing succeeded and everyone gone. Those that are nearby seem like empty words. Of course get the ""Oh we care."" But none of them are ever there. Try to talk to them, show up hat in hand and get pretty much ignored. Feel like I mine as well talked to a wall. So, its what I opted here to do. Just this wall of text.

List of accomplishments: Somewhere before the age of ten my father left. I would hear from him every now and again. He even started a new family. I was important enough to tell two years after the fact. A couple years he ago he died, and I only found out because of a FB post. None of his fam tried to tell me, and blamed me for not getting a hold of me.

Mom married a man who was abusive to me, she never listened. I became the lost middle child. 

As an adult every relationship I have had has failed. My wife went to prison and I stayed faithful. We were only married for three months when she got arrested for something she didnt do. I waited two years, not once cheated. In the four years afterwards she cheated, and after we divorced I found out she had grown to hate me. Why? Because I was the one on the outside...

My next attempt at a serious relationship failed after four years. She cheated and left. Why? Because I had expectations. I was trying to help her get her life in order and she wanted drugs more then building something. This one hurt more then the ex-wife. We had literally saved each others lives. I saved her from suicide (ironic I know), and me she saved from organ failure. To save each other, and then choose drugs over? Feels like the worse betrayals.

My other attempts have all faltered as well. And at the end of each I get the obligitory ""Oh, yer a nice guy. Oh you can do better. Oh you did nothing wrong."" No one ever says anything about the big BUT that goes left unsaid at the end of those lines. 

So I sit here at 35 and wonder truly if any of this has been worth a shit. To me feels like a no. Like its been a cascade effect, and these last few things have just been the straw to break the camels back. Sleep sounds good. ",1.3381588308072985,3.661806127049181,2.4124188060624827,94.1663888029694,83.01639344262296,4.9944942777605945,19.043612743581807,6.267924199997599,-0.11906368697803947,1882,48,402,16,53,596,242,488,0.175,0.664,0.162,-0.9413,0,0,4,0,1,1,72.0,4,2,2,9,20,36,7,1,30,0,32,8,5,1,7,68,58,33,3,4,11,3,5,7,1,1,3,4,0,4,25,26,0,3,13,1,1,3,9,16,2,10,24,9,56,20,59,33,12,67,1,4,0,0,46,24,3,3,42,275,81,4,0.0,0.08609731697668149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441401666070433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049415365744597976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059797919099632425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827209062011065,0.055875661722088805,0.0,0.1328895410686137,0.0,0.061833406289910416,0.0,0.0,0.06426716395446723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840020283660196,0.0,0.07408782082128501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040353697993281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754158262410493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853895941128347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308149901405952,0.0750833936099951,0.0,0.04799520176661158,0.13146109824263666,0.1224484630550438,0.06943546849157166,0.0,0.0,0.06850302926487059,0.08176944229186489,0.14696843379702507,0.2076503941337733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593490170442462,0.056141564438066685,0.0,0.1898249057563882,0.0,0.0,0.0609487856875055,0.0581176312162234,0.0,0.0,0.07195075568138719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174262208629792,0.0,0.0,0.08189985312929217,0.0,0.048706482074942575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777904463447449,0.0,0.0784917398927232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03993532830737125,0.0592324813154754,0.08197040302477167,0.0,0.2368554357173077,0.0,0.051326138475159495,0.2485065291204777,0.0,0.06416540140967436,0.06430711542374071,0.0,0.0,0.07932351316767959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600550998794162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510553048675723,0.05800130079102341,0.0,0.053417864486043895,0.0,0.11208898404523444,0.07018126697731805,0.07728110587123715,0.0,0.0,0.13944995647159664,0.0,0.0,0.07738690891874021,0.19696142461468472,0.11053152131395262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695939327013847,0.07392743680454779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603215982337687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577869126911521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615238911831957,0.0,0.0,0.22377178675778636,0.0,0.0,0.07271846957085984,0.0,0.0,0.11188366011599483,0.0,0.0,0.051433362482891536,0.07745227795343426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948480005330769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681234215227912,0.12702655814131594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827605558235378,0.0,0.0,0.05768868003259296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800631402879733,0.0,0.14196822897056766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286028423878032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067090559735942,0.06736210172310579,0.13113950892161294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880316758217837,0.0,0.0,0.07405285292061492,0.051619835160710885,0.1588977078539857,0.0,0.23397257897642504
suicidewatch,xxisnotabelle,2019/02/02,"Everyday was a struggle for years. For many years after my mom died, the only reason I kept myself around was to help support my brother. Now I have my own children, and I always eschewed the idea of suicide. They need me, and the very thought is selfish. 

​

I don't know how much longer I can do this. They deserve a better mom. ",2.91,5.028847272727276,3.5393939393939418,89.27909090909094,76.27272727272728,5.006060606060606,27.66666666666667,5.46131890053228,0.9417757575757579,264,11,50,1,6,83,50,66,0.188,0.698,0.114,-0.7553,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,1,5,0,7,0,0,2,0,10,12,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,12,2,6,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654784919988193,0.21547910489584607,0.24165279074597984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177039373831776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758872460005246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639905616171544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330056077478555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450371482905307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929554817584372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162628132912366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658359403360266,0.0,0.0,0.1461947360604887,0.14746200974935178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125208336510124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044748437986704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079055217616216,0.0,0.2175350788807736,0.22567902997746986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788316197564106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409127539744445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165279074597984,0.2561357310551937
suicidewatch,NiceIceX,2019/02/02,"How long does it take to die from a Tylenol overdose and how many pills should I take? I have 500mg tablets, how much of these to kill me quickly? Please don’t even try to talk me out of this.",2.279285714285713,2.9452902619047627,2.2319047619047616,103.99642857142858,74.95238095238095,5.6000000000000005,23.523809523809533,3.1291,-0.4132476190476191,149,4,40,0,3,44,34,42,0.198,0.7509999999999999,0.051,-0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,6,5,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213914694547195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709967491403005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453596004164692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426070650516645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405067812120176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139596083534685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276451352190855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399277351468745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656708041180762,0.24890326186159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024749987379665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kop200,2019/02/02,"Today I was able to truly cry for the first time in months. But, I didn’t cry because I was sad. While I was sad, but I was mostly frustrated because I can’t kill myself without hurting those around me. I know I am able to do it, it’s my friends and relatives keeping me on this planet. I’m thankful and angry at the same time. But at least I was without suicidal thoughts for the past two weeks. They just always keep coming back. ",2.7616372391653283,4.136261471910114,3.9528410914927785,89.36820224719101,74.73033707865169,6.434028892455858,26.19743178170145,6.868970318607317,1.0431881219903691,337,12,71,3,7,110,59,89,0.223,0.6,0.177,-0.5964,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,2,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,16,16,6,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,7,0,14,2,11,9,3,15,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,1,9,54,18,0,0.3531150896417025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691002102097173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717364726378735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576185372039307,0.0,0.2152556811498149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208869138974207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38788034496419743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501797574301525,0.0,0.0,0.1364079211586633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890085033807192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31386491633186475,0.19533476416771228,0.0,0.0970314092548438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409265478187713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685441544341188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312529758490435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625504660167909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401669689186218,0.2059042484464056,0.0,0.16735590815831974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724710664753176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162381266835594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34039034547324193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_UR_DICKS_OK,2019/02/02,"Thinking of going into the local forest and killing myself tonight. i’m so scared to try man, but i’m done. i dont want to be a bad person anymore. the only way i can be free is if i die. ",-0.3915116279069792,1.0008139767441904,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,83.65116279069767,4.3,20.05232558139535,3.1291,-0.4566697674418605,143,4,34,0,4,52,35,43,0.324,0.589,0.087,-0.9012,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,11,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001353468635557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526898969456301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140902251465084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097035125246445,0.3546892127693911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199601910620302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348238532324292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301696616325663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642516276731723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30299320357614457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939180631794339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205471180314433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850359795003354,0.240219775371986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pr0cel,2019/02/02,"Its been years since i read these words. But they ring through even now. I sit at my desk,
I do as i must,
My heart is ridden with pain.
I follow instructions without looking up,
Quietly going insane. ",2.1642307692307696,4.533241769230774,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,80.02564102564101,5.951282051282053,22.570512820512814,7.1686216300943375,0.8110974358974365,155,5,31,2,4,49,34,39,0.158,0.8420000000000001,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,5,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,8,0,6,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,23,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491151592205829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435262294305613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469445546610203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167251772831172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013321398772449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772689347897765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31199633080963823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635754015968691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428830971412227
suicidewatch,19931,2019/02/02,"I'm always thinking about it even when I'm doing well I'm 19. Have had suicidal thoughts since i was 11. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2016 and actually got helpful therapy and counselling in late 2017- early 2018 and stopped because I was feeling a lot better. I had a big hiccup during summer where my GP agreed I could stop taking my SSRI and that sent me back into everything then she gave me different ones that made me feel even worse and I have been taking a different one to that since around october-november which have helped me feel a lot better for the most part.

It seems like suicide is always in the back of my head though. As soon as something goes bad I'm like ""I have to kill myself. I'm going to kill myself"". Luckily for certain reasons I never do. But the main reason I realised it's actually a problem is because I will be watching a TV show or film and if something bad happens to a character in it I think ""kill yourself. \[The character\] has to kill themselves now. I'd kill myself if I was them"". And that's probably not the most healthy thing to think when you are trying to chill out and watching a fictitious story.

I don't know. It's weird.

I'm currently waiting for mental health services to contact me so I can hopefully get more therapy or counselling. It sucks that I couldn't have the therapy when I was at my lowest and have to wait a couple months but that's just how the NHS works. I saw my GP mid January and she was surprised I hadn't heard anything from them yet (I've been waiting since early/mid december) but I'm really not surprised. I could go into all the detail about me trying to get help from the mental health services from the age of 16 and the roughly 2 years it took but that would be long and I can just summarise it as: ""The NHS sucks. You will struggle to get help and be taken seriously. Good luck because they don't care about you and you will gain even more trauma"".",2.8097392581711347,4.860006521850902,4.033003305178113,85.9437172236504,76.32647814910027,7.0164083731178835,26.024311421226592,7.957251820313856,1.622048931325744,1543,58,302,25,35,504,191,389,0.131,0.758,0.111,-0.7864,4,0,2,0,0,4,36.0,0,4,3,4,22,27,7,1,21,0,37,5,1,4,3,64,76,33,7,8,12,0,4,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,17,20,0,5,11,3,0,4,7,15,1,2,20,8,43,12,35,46,9,36,0,1,3,0,17,12,2,11,22,209,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.15688716087703855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377252329568892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149384725415578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614951337777035,0.07155915996724943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362128609922833,0.13423523546798072,0.14700475546711894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218694181227867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195725483995263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836080758703655,0.08894381150976896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923496736813914,0.08158847561454986,0.0,0.16796918159037516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592794175348876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224431700296179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193430629293454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599259638294052,0.0,0.0913686158542546,0.06742262230692384,0.06429074926865684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071083660921355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249758701170146,0.17088972005777014,0.0,0.0,0.2155198800300963,0.0,0.0,0.07983984850250381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446671525278901,0.0,0.04417716492295707,0.0,0.09067710637947086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854351656393707,0.0,0.0,0.07113766592648384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366798874492734,0.0,0.07606166447168161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201714053637692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641620624993867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199740610745184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089411018696626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704847360357094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666798076363329,0.0769170162455989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051496306068695236,0.16529710583557375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317894025146188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994844231875044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376767926097293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440991833919827,0.0,0.08403522994806273,0.0,0.17585497701668348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087813218407055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757797066319221,0.0,0.053403824625571736,0.1545212364267195,0.0789772665048059,0.06381623589950941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931002797874485,0.10915146432358704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227523087798407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058520801787829764,0.0,0.08191857273114359,0.05710277260371649,0.0,0.0,0.05176491916799024
suicidewatch,EpiphanyKingdom,2019/02/02,"17 yr old, EXTREMELY many romantic failures, I want to kill myself I want to kill myself. I can't take it anymore. So many rejections and romantic failures. What I do is, out of sheer loneliness, I add some random girls on FB and text them. I've once developed a few good relationships this way.. but I'm tired of failing... am I unlovable? I don't know why I have so high standards... I don't find most girls attractive, because I fall in love with their character, not their appearance. I'm an introvert, I don't talk to anyone at school really... i don't know why. I struggle to fit in everywhere I go. My MBTI type is INTJ and I discovered this thing called the Ni-Fi loop.. 

I've been attending psychotherapy for about 1 year. Ex morphine addict, but I managed to quit. I don't know how. Had 3 romantic relationships before but this doesn't mean anything. I used to consider myself a worthy person, used to pursue a lot of different activities, hobbies, read a lot of books, used to practice new skills, etc, etc. I've even learned a new language. I go to the gym 3 times a week. I was put on Effexor by my psychiatrist in 2018, and I still take it. Nevertheless, I'm so fucking tired. I once again destroyed a promising relationship. What girls say is that I'm pushing too hard. The problem is - I don't know what that means. 

Some girls, who once were interested in me, were eventually put off by me ""pushing too hard"". I'm really confused.. I see those couples everywhere.. even my cousin who I nonetheless consider to be less socially experienced than me, has finally found someone. Everyone around me is in a relationship. I can't fucking stand it. I hate the sight of couples on the streets, on Facebook, in markets, every fucking where. Everyone is constantly showing off their happiness in front of me. What's wrong with me? What does it fucking mean to ""push too hard""? I'm so tired, so frustrated, so angry, so sad, so tired, so frustrated...

From what I thought about it, about the whole concept of ""pushing too hard"". Maybe it is so, because to be honest, I'm very scared. I'm very scared of wasting my time, of rejection, of the friendzone. If I don't see signs at the beginning of the relationship, then I'm not convinced enough to keep pursuing it. I often look inside myself, to find answers for these questions. Why do I fail? What do they seem to have that I don't? Why do I feel like I'm sometimes faking my interest in someone? Like I would date basically anyone, who finds me interesting? 

I think what I need is lov. Some people might call me desperate - maybe they are right? But after so. many. fucking. failures, I don't think I deserve it. How can I be worthy of love, if everyone else around me finds it so easily? I'm not talking about 10 girls or so. I'm talking about approximately 100 girls whom I've messaged online, or texted with, or talked, or whatever. I keep failing, no matter what I do. I would say only 20% of those girls make me really tick. But I always fucking keep breaking it. Mainly because of ""pushing too hard, too soon"". I'm not talking about sex. But for example - If I don't kiss her on the first time we meet in real life - I consider myself a failure, and I think she's not interested anymore. I get overwhelmed by sadness, disappointment and many, many thoughts. I think too much. I often just block them on messenger, if it doesn't go how I imagine it's supposed to go. I have a some form of ""instruction"" in my head - ""we should kiss on the first date, if she doesn't kiss me or respond positively, then she sees me only as a friend, better quit now or risk the friendzone. Quit now before it's too late!"" Because I'm confused. I can't read any of these signs. If it doesn't go like I think it should, then she's not interested / etc. I then proceed further and block them on Messenger. And consider it a rejection...

Therefore, I'm very close to giving up. Perhaps my mind is distorted or damaged in some way. Maybe I don't have that emotional part of being human? The ability to connect to people? To sense and properly time things out? I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever find someone who would love me. All this bullshit ""love will find you"". No, it won't! ",2.256746418421205,4.641266897685753,3.8593009396206734,84.80155044660988,79.7795371498173,7.271277768110897,26.82618467606288,8.306716005460428,2.036087164317616,3277,140,643,69,84,1088,329,821,0.191,0.6729999999999999,0.135,-0.9953,1,0,0,0,0,3,166.0,2,1,8,11,49,58,12,7,26,0,57,21,1,8,2,119,128,49,2,16,26,2,6,3,1,8,6,2,0,9,46,20,0,5,27,5,0,16,27,34,0,2,8,14,96,24,85,108,20,85,0,12,5,14,57,35,6,31,33,408,142,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148099067404917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03929404429193528,0.0,0.0,0.032113852141408834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366678261579817,0.06604005822494448,0.0,0.038861222686375686,0.08407851573619524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514893552406595,0.0,0.08036807325304142,0.0,0.0,0.04176567692422796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644170593173636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051032228735572366,0.0,0.0,0.10450463167935282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933889485289409,0.0,0.0,0.0413259283733968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944948518258181,0.05312049951942743,0.0,0.04879488321767962,0.15800130008511976,0.06238184377694474,0.042716695583425564,0.03978814866833513,0.1353732994732442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023877808457423242,0.03373674338859998,0.0,0.05173144317859908,0.2589705792867834,0.08033720231202067,0.0,0.051778537860940325,0.03648504614272825,0.261946250668233,0.02467252387738899,0.04530144083434478,0.1341920728494475,0.0396091430726876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050270689564389966,0.21151656671233204,0.046623796529689884,0.04846531646637558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498946132368198,0.0,0.04690396003646125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259242409570034,0.10449243450676687,0.0,0.10381201953335643,0.0,0.053270584221001706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333556171677417,0.06921359504939137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03965615860415304,0.05283143304993487,0.0,0.08029609398003422,0.17048555186147002,0.0,0.0315223010687887,0.23938796919364344,0.14232817937089706,0.15432192134834846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009706516249734,0.04768264841905314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03471497935846319,0.03501590250478088,0.0,0.09121821914482994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049553509454078035,0.1508756464664298,0.0,0.07183176485604158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113885113407751,0.0,0.0654781732136976,0.04123406327143829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045186867507573884,0.0,0.09494606878788182,0.05290154401097501,0.1506852014088506,0.09447330232967074,0.053751104632321904,0.0907584643699209,0.0,0.0,0.25350382590360426,0.0,0.04032892841731429,0.0,0.07510863642955147,0.0945586677144462,0.04779307933723875,0.11289393498347508,0.0429908392042792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813879017051575,0.12003789976926775,0.0,0.04670561663689343,0.0,0.03342529945944248,0.0,0.03771304495274536,0.0,0.0,0.04936864411779484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101294889187974,0.18978379637815584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274688399373525,0.15129575089136396,0.0,0.07498095836727706,0.11014647744411832,0.21710757449451526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235878855629904,0.0,0.11689391954514552,0.05570772613105325,0.07496822255331582,0.03788014138932504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044879607578448,0.05272376630753242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006394506406857,0.051631890392205664,0.0,0.030410625088672587
suicidewatch,AH_Josh,2019/02/02,"If my last couple years is any indication of my future, I dont want to be alive The monotony, sadness, tiredness, hopelessness. I cant do this forever. And it's just wearing me down and down. 

I hate getting yelled and screamed at from my parents states away. I hate being happy and being suspicious of it. I hate sleeping 20 hours in a row.

Im a failure. And I always will be. I dont want to dissapoint anyone else. I wish I truely had nothing to lose. I dont want to be here anymore. I dont fear death. 

Its better now, then if I have a wife, and kids, and I leave them alone in the world. I hate being volitile and broken. If God is real, he'd end my suffering.",0.16116007194244375,2.3247188705035997,2.6542401079136693,91.50639613309356,86.9136690647482,5.201618705035972,21.637140287769785,6.6274283507984215,0.4810751798561155,509,18,111,6,16,175,85,139,0.277,0.581,0.142,-0.958,1,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,3,12,4,1,5,0,18,2,2,0,0,17,27,12,1,7,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,1,2,21,2,13,18,0,15,0,4,0,0,5,7,0,3,7,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960484765642982,0.0,0.0,0.10412453474389216,0.0,0.0,0.0850978812009084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241029058801792,0.08749914218607432,0.12821829250011024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757092494176165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067406667761877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846241012187882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866414929001423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045364345803788,0.0,0.11083479951097293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081462681025156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537924807648178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321133664067894,0.0,0.4941900187804522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323536088163163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351701167439756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200387232326373,0.0,0.13250268428979387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399970017162777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007293329189872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895053176702304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243402181331272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252280053260435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142825342465147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390210155767538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058453248292541
suicidewatch,cabaar,2019/02/02,"I am planning my own death but still want to talk I ordered something last night and it will arrive on wednesday to kill myself
 I tried it several times and always failed due to different reasons. I think the pills of my last attempt 3 years ago damaged mykidney and i dont want to survive with broken kidneys. Its a strange feeling knowing you ordered the tools for your own death and dont want to cancel the order. I always regreted that i failed alll the attempts. I tried therapy, medicamentation and changing my whole live. I dont even have tears fpr myself. The only thing that i want is that someone will take care of my dog., which i have found one. I dont even  know why im writimg this here, i dont want someone to know all this and i dont want back  in a clinic. I just want everything to end.

I dont want to say pro suicide but i just dont want to be anymore here. Please dont delete this post again or at least tell me why in a full sentence, that i can change my post better.",2.5326470588235317,4.157726970588239,3.4929411764705915,91.39323529411766,75.86274509803921,5.976470588235292,25.72549019607843,6.522977012572876,0.8198313725490189,778,28,166,6,17,249,113,204,0.182,0.674,0.14400000000000002,-0.9692,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,2,0,7,9,7,1,0,8,0,17,3,1,1,1,30,34,9,4,10,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,1,2,28,2,17,30,6,22,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,1,12,107,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404118065067994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022790660299112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164801559027956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055552246728677236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389517794541925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736589916791449,0.0,0.1528520899144579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548105761521241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7620395485101719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398797342404526,0.0,0.0,0.09543479963038833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492949959559363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036529440743929636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792133429653389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803742034181517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992882180351916,0.0,0.11911253359411035,0.11777927329989013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379400441437118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779740601636851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895534710017253,0.0549458758436624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793037451359364,0.0,0.0,0.13838222943918824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428029505811287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057452435149208364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161672871916976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224265717815218,0.0556180320743668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769526308626454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902473255176437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431954346277477,0.05806810919281484,0.06314565663722084,0.0,0.08261890158777113,0.0,0.04799662801555807,0.04629192982135878,0.0,0.0,0.04212686884688356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809975722195903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835098342213345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038045780513885,0.08065939973352307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652366355745555
suicidewatch,throwaway1738357e9,2019/02/02,"I'm so alone I could kill myself tonight and no one I care about would care No gf, no friends, abusive family, no future. I've tried everything to become a more social person but it never works I feel like a broken incomplete person. I'm planning on killing myself tomorrow ",2.4487421383647816,5.14568069811321,3.885188679245285,82.94086477987422,81.64150943396227,6.552201257861638,23.927672955974842,7.793537801064563,1.6755182389937109,219,8,38,4,6,72,40,53,0.41,0.494,0.096,-0.9601,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,7,3,2,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,5,4,3,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,23,6,1,0.0,0.24533213058359635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214451617192564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286813989215805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42222274910853214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653204867678473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609209271360969,0.0,0.19519765204219866,0.0,0.1046957102093082,0.14792363861686753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997397017165493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581622162558447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101159011343895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969736477511787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030915143554415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36159344746537536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110714990659948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058008478299047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074207804510248,0.0,0.0,0.147089416779168,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayuyya,2019/02/02,Has anyone gone missing? I’m going to drive to the snow tomorrow about 300 miles up but I don’t want to be found right away? I’d rather they found my body a few months down the line. ,-0.5917500000000011,1.5212533250000035,0.8049999999999997,103.54000000000002,90.75,4.2,13.0,5.6839178017228535,-1.34815,143,2,36,1,5,45,34,40,0.054000000000000006,0.906,0.04,-0.1306,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,10,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,7,6,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274386649165863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056049869025825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613053254838376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7132908019137401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848603209119493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596300568442257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777816338534354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185462880164245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsToLateToChange,2019/02/02,"I go to sleep wishing i dont wake up i feel so guilty whenever i think about suicide, i guess my parents are too loving. And they’ve done so much for me. No one knows what im going through (friends/family) but i feel like i wont be able to hide it much longer. Im at uni about 200 miles away from home. Yesterday my parents rang but I didn’t answer 10 miss calls and 5 messages still haven’t replied. I just want the pain to end. Wtf am I doing? Why am i here? How did i get here? Everything was going good. Im a mess. I hate myself. ",-1.8268832391713763,0.06604361864406982,0.6666666666666679,101.95907721280605,100.10169491525423,3.9781544256120527,15.87758945386064,5.82211442006289,-0.7682331450094159,409,11,103,4,18,137,85,118,0.236,0.6609999999999999,0.103,-0.952,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,1,0,2,0,12,4,2,1,0,14,26,7,1,2,3,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,4,3,17,3,11,20,2,10,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,60,19,0,0.1530158651898801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376344232015975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624630655821314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658835606291613,0.1793334543998407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552663904324194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752079311271986,0.0,0.14424973963775886,0.0,0.15473883810465175,0.10931456466566587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994447406477866,0.0,0.26088732731821784,0.12834244793271973,0.0,0.0,0.16856422666783172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510714879025891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348738893650166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958501761781061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409351779777248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475582260187921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381027924721084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249685342913272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368751033437967,0.0,0.16281966898268427,0.0,0.3398120201731676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312637141773902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221986675992892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737452103784145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980463879038374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025272179335468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807301823853113,0.0,0.175960693405145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yog-Alhazred,2019/02/02,Permanent Solution I often see suicide mentioned as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It actually solves many temporary problems and it definitely solves all future temporary or permanent problems. ,13.060645161290324,15.672719096774195,13.293709677419354,27.360564516129045,51.58064516129032,19.103225806451615,63.88709677419354,15.903189008614273,12.757567741935484,176,15,14,10,2,60,22,31,0.292,0.441,0.267,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.2810972492622874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920395676313426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8268807300954192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22954019000919795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150821904873111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SceneAnyVisions,2019/02/02,"My thoughts are acting up. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for about 6 years. After some university counseling I’ve been able to simmer it down, but lately I’m falling apart. I’m constantly having anxiety attacks and I just don’t know what to do. I’m starting to not only wish I was dead but imagining it happen with imagines in my head, thinking about hurting other people even. I know I need to call a hotline or something but I’m too scared. I’m worried they are going to hospitalize me or something and frankly I don’t have time for that.

Someone please explain what happens if I tell someone of authority. Like will my university drop me out? Cause I can’t fucking afford that. I’ve already disappointed my parents enough, dropping out because I want to fucking kill myself isn’t going to make things much better. I have no one and I’m sure my friends from high school are tired of my monthly emotional breakdown where I tell them I want to die over and over. I’m tired of being a burden. I just want to be normal. I just want to be content with my life. I’m sorry. ",2.958084112149536,5.200717098130845,4.187672897196261,84.09692990654206,76.61682242990653,6.33607476635514,28.92429906542056,7.365786028017652,1.8122175700934573,865,39,161,11,20,283,124,214,0.27,0.623,0.107,-0.9928,2,0,2,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,1,8,13,4,2,2,0,18,6,1,2,1,38,46,10,4,8,10,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,8,0,0,4,6,9,0,1,5,0,25,4,29,37,3,23,0,2,0,2,8,10,2,4,8,104,33,1,0.12106004529097698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359277032731995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926106032916821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772327831406808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379707997066343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070677722196388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361584156657855,0.0,0.0,0.12436201403806535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082290159054494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256412140957911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617625671571998,0.0,0.12508738817552326,0.0,0.079959018170211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353069068938236,0.22383612227185445,0.0,0.0,0.1376024271374015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141059964877434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242425322924544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279065845076219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959728230740206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393500357653845,0.0,0.13306286979644782,0.0,0.13656100409263813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550829015989325,0.05914382315008645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080852027838485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662897317105566,0.0,0.0889930626362069,0.08976448963699543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861314090377545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203341974776364,0.09207161961835582,0.0,0.0,0.13442285380517113,0.0,0.0,0.08392779252352345,0.0,0.0,0.13288757608018292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120222443192193,0.12251922892182825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514756704069814,0.1863958746473696,0.0,0.13551680937136018,0.08568692314958709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655824429198276,0.0,0.1324200407078883,0.0,0.11409765999995887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116236310436062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042691484591008,0.07757038883207426,0.0,0.19221630684551008,0.07059108594826423,0.2782814268197894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856174050809489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139213077589208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294235238742683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779587000578949
suicidewatch,thewhitesnake4u,2019/02/02,"Heres a question why do we live? Literally makes no sense if im just a scrub on the surface on the planet homeless but manage to get back up. What's the point theres no one to help but I'm willing to help anyone , how come.",1.4203061224489808,2.663378734693879,3.3956632653061227,92.53594387755103,77.9795918367347,5.716326530612244,22.45408163265306,5.985473137389443,0.1554448979591836,174,5,41,1,4,59,39,49,0.087,0.772,0.141,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,1,26,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244344491021859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468113546881776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764931011620083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676971357451277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43028798058098855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34671003541953005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28342840438830696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425451354719136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750219385431568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034268349558429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35956748694305685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28963164687936405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilikemusicandsarcasm,2019/02/02,i just wrote a suicide letter i'm not sure if i'm gonna do anything to myself yet i just wanted to write it out see how it feels. kinda feels right somehow tbh,-1.3449999999999989,0.6693300555555624,1.312444444444445,98.47700000000002,95.66666666666666,2.8800000000000003,15.533333333333335,3.1291,-1.2244933333333332,126,3,29,0,5,43,28,36,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.7552,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,9,2,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,3,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35099402631107085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313280720780716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36425032419185216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398854869264685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665495124463683,0.0,0.4019951010412374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515757063174948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flatMapObservable,2019/02/02,"I just want to.. Hi. Not asking for psychological help.
There are two possible paths :
- kill myself in a way I would hurt/annoy/traumatize someone (under a train or whatever). 
- kill myself with Nembutal, in the wild, where no one can find me, no one would be annoyed, and I would even be happy to somehow feed animals.

Please help me with the second path. I don't have so much money so I can't afford scam. How I can find Nembutal? Living in France. ",1.2021316614420066,3.7749260574712658,3.2278787878787902,86.00727272727276,87.27586206896551,6.382027168234067,19.40334378265413,7.686295010490155,0.9768252873563216,345,10,67,7,11,116,62,87,0.17,0.664,0.166,-0.3481,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,3,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,0,14,13,5,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,4,0,0,10,1,9,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178107001580335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128429966950261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554408454465903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699173376172494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26066655219272256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815881766022146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43025210855393703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716996716144131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294042566706516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635237307340331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344367895748448,0.0,0.21920902072491166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647537442173034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994581003471336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468948323277285,0.15434244584480472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143872812060932,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,witchofthewoods89,2019/02/02,"I keep thinking about how great it would be to end my life, no more pain I have no one, told my mother how alone I felt and she just rolled her eyes and walked away from me. I tried to ask people to go out for my 30th in a few months no one wanted to.........Another weekend sat alone I can't do this anymore",-0.3350319829424322,1.4680687164179105,1.3518123667377395,102.41850746268658,85.71641791044777,4.425586353944564,15.541577825159914,5.288315135182226,-1.1398810234541576,232,4,60,1,7,75,52,67,0.202,0.74,0.058,-0.7959999999999999,0,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,2,0,11,13,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,3,2,11,1,9,8,2,8,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470431095150159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381426935641705,0.0,0.0,0.22523025558154505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212315459662326,0.0,0.21337557961099204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011504085592302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180594359852176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907079338412406,0.0,0.0,0.25038753331507274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186415562774127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041320028224215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812755558247185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077887153918896,0.0,0.2416590802262553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744819322369244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455217300734582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701156651830486,0.0,0.15419152372579434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395426899447707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133111124615354,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blayhellsching,2019/02/02,"I don't want to exist anymore Sorry I know this is posted here a lot but I feel like a fucking piece of shit. Objectively I should be doing ok, I have an extremely loving family and girlfriend, I'm a medical student, and I'm healthy, but I can't shake this feeling. It feels like I've been struggling my whole life. I only started to have passive suicidal ideation a couple of years ago, and being with my family has usually helped, but these thoughts are starting to enter my mind even when I'm around family now, which is a big red flag for me. I want to seek help but I'm currently in exam mode as I have my finals coming up soon, and feel like I don't have anytime for myself, which has been my life for the past 6 years. Always studying. I don't even know what I'm passionate about. I feel like anytime I speak I'm clumsy and flustered and don't know what to say, which is why I tend to speak in a low volume which most people interpret as me being a ""chill"" person. I feel like I work really hard but haven't gotten any interviews for post-grad residencies, whereas all my close friends have, even ones who don't do much work. It feels like I've done all this work for nothing. These feelings were here long before my rejections, though, they're just getting more intense. Sorry for my rant, I just wanted to put these feelings in words, no matter how disjointed it is. I talked to my brother and mom today and I felt empty. I've tried explaining to my parents and siblings how I'm feeling but they usually dismiss them or give me generic advice. I know they mean well though, maybe they just don't fully understand the extent of how I'm feeling. I've gotten counselling in the past through my university which has helped, but I feel like it's a short term measure cause I only had 4 sessions and I can't afford to go through a private route. I feel like an idiot all the time, like a waste of space. Fuck me. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. ",3.3927028347996107,4.897588348484852,4.410117302052786,86.19646627565984,73.34343434343434,7.129879439556857,26.15803193222548,7.717688229018142,1.405895666340827,1550,53,311,20,31,504,197,396,0.132,0.695,0.173,0.9472,3,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,4,3,19,23,4,2,16,1,33,8,1,4,3,65,80,27,1,5,12,3,15,9,2,1,3,3,0,1,19,14,0,0,23,1,0,5,10,8,1,1,10,19,44,15,33,66,11,36,0,2,1,4,22,12,3,4,27,192,63,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956368446691139,0.06310349916069043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059233773693184284,0.0,0.0,0.0484099991344237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059895594879756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633720435669023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057539188203341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312925963216667,0.0,0.0613218013615729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876770913162079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728496155697888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410561861255972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013279596810621,0.0,0.4679295670184923,0.4068514013326963,0.06835124559793572,0.07798252008108687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054999351819005976,0.13162355102793327,0.03719257516317538,0.06828961850861184,0.040457545247969635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377009376746204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431466135822269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649134067203466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056379353733333,0.31300792521034465,0.0,0.0,0.06299877285317661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052113933505411,0.0642495750875952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715174977017146,0.07754414975402582,0.0,0.0717140028820204,0.0,0.0,0.07187916785968379,0.08337403953443319,0.0,0.0,0.05233106614848521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830640804093817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823855015256104,0.10828273292138743,0.0,0.0,0.0790453889996205,0.0,0.13591321043558394,0.049352508298303545,0.06215825365606632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363560573141553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156318537556562,0.0,0.0,0.07120684967762436,0.0,0.04560459000934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661122509581964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307303332356095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593773470733219,0.10077387856021164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442072064373878,0.0,0.0778676641121716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572178845311898,0.0,0.06553996419608264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988288224814366,0.05651499100255403,0.04151005346734825,0.0,0.06747750712425618,0.0,0.0,0.04833169754697597,0.0,0.0,0.07410878686862375,0.0,0.0,0.1568061358166103,0.0,0.1259648466607169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400618847543445,0.0,0.06423572321811699,0.07947839673896029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547622982853826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168494192085043
suicidewatch,SmokeyJoe1945,2019/02/02,"Not sure what I'm looking for Hi everyone, I am not sure what is the point of this post or what I am looking for but I thought it might help. My cousin who was (can't believe i am typing in past tense) shot himself yesterday. We knew he was going through tough times but never knew the extent of it as he was quiet and kept to himself. When I saw him last he seemed happy and we were having a great time with family. Now I will never see him again. Never speak to him again. Never hear his laugh. Never see is compassion and kindness (he truly was) again. I don't know how to cope with this.",1.6989578713968925,3.4472584227642287,3.065218033998523,93.00252771618624,78.59349593495935,5.773540280857352,20.124907612712487,6.574015621080383,0.0986650406504066,458,11,101,4,11,149,78,123,0.087,0.75,0.163,0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,15,0,0,1,7,27,29,9,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,10,8,16,6,12,17,1,19,0,0,5,0,18,2,0,3,15,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821850362525987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115100080193286,0.0,0.0,0.1491212150834142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989926162605834,0.0,0.0,0.17439773766947225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838915210519684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828416852298568,0.0,0.10602698694346112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647236509843626,0.08693345018253358,0.12894056921215488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656684036350585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780757134565655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6100038814948588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510039374422904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953442587320234,0.0,0.15149595453271147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252103351600634,0.14400421049778925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981719320114909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557993646903007,0.1844760048540061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwwwwee88,2019/02/02,"Debt I don't know what to do anymore, my debt is so overwhelming, and I don't know how to fix it. After I get paid I pay my bills and then I literally have nothing left. 
Everything seems pointless, I can't afford to live so why even try anymore? I'm tired of struggling all the time. ",0.9185000000000016,2.8979191833333324,2.8633333333333333,92.345,82.16666666666666,6.0,23.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7688333333333341,221,8,50,3,6,74,42,60,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.8779,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,7,12,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,5,11,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227255107667911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406694369246825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23685447224405395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768976883314835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28967147914587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863390524796227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271233171379865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528755670107923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399186536974054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755112217122922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536734050034205,0.3029026528926686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789276551397739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237805579256844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeparateTwist,2019/02/02,"Thinking of suicide cuz I can't take this anymore TL;DR: Am I invaluable to everyone? Thinking of killing myself

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I'm 24 M university student. Some kind of introvert but more often is that people don't want to talk to me. I don't know what brings me here but I found myself searching for suicide the past weeks. I don't have too many friends and of coz no girl fd. 

​

Chapter 1: Start of Sadness

The sad story began with relocation. I was born and raise in Country A (let call it that way) in a foreign country, went to a really good high school, the future was bright cuz I could have gone to a well known university. 

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Then, all of a sudden, my parents decided to move to City B in US during my last year of high school. Of coz I didn't graduate in that shinny high school but ended up in a damn local public high school. I was so disappointed. Since I arrived during my senior year, I rarely made any friend in that high school. I felt so lonely, and upset. It wasn't my choice. I hated this City B, as the people are so rude and unhelpful, and everything was like mess.

​

Chapter 2: High School 

No one in high school told me anything about getting into college. Most people in my class aimed to attend community colleges instead of the local university. I didn't want to attend that local university either, since it was mediocre! I thought I came to the US, I would have a chance to my dream college in California, let call it UCX.

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I was wrong, my family was so poor (is still poor). The out-of-state tuition just kept me from enrolling. Given that the cost was 60k a year, while my family income was only 40k a year. I surrendered and went to that local university. 

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Chapter 3: Jobless

I was desperate to be integrated into the community still. Learned how to drive and it's time to get a job. However, none of the history from my foreign country were relevant here. I got a blank resume comparing to local people who got job history since early high school years. I wasn't offered a job, more accurately, I seldom offered an interview. Man, I wasn't picky I applied all kind of positions, retail, stock associates, cashier, dish washer, you name it. I sent almost 100 application at the time. The jobless period lasted for a year.

(Of coz I found some jobs down the road)

​

Chapter 4: Fuck U-niversity

The students in the university was laid back, all in their minds were ""what to do after class"" and ""surfing"". I could hardly came across handful of good (well not great) professors during my entire life.. I didn't get as much supports from my parents I afforded my own tuition. The tough life also drove me from having any social life. Well, I wasn't really welcomed by those people. They just didn't want to talk with me cuz I wasn't speaking fluent English.. Lonely.

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My major was Civil Engineering, but the university was asking us to take a lot of extras, mainly the history of City B, labs and shits. All they wanted was to lower our GPA, mine got affected a bit.

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But, I still haven't given up my dream in attending the UCX. I applied for transfer. At the time, I was a junior to senior, having a GPA 3.2, major 3.6. I thought I was getting there this time? (I had some savings through hard works and loans) Spent a month working on those essays. I wasn't so serious about filling out an application in my life.

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But again ended in disappointment. I was told that 90% of the chance was given to California community colleges students. I failed because 1. GPA: bad because I was in a mediocre university 2. Residence: because I wasn't in California. 

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Chapter 5: After tomorrow?

Now, I am wrapping up for graduation. This is the last semester. I have seen enough friend-lie here and the messed-up city. All I want is to LEAVE. As an engineering major, we are to take an exam called FE, but I feel like to university wasn't preparing us for it. I am struggling, uh in time management, to balance between assignment and study, uh and work.

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I also applied to too many companies in California, and got only three responses, period. It's like back to the ""jobless"" situation couple years ago. Among those three, I did one Zoom interview, I thought I did good, but they disagreed. Declined. 

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I don't know how many chances are left and if they're open for me.

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Chapter 6: Ending or The End?

I felt that I lost all my hope, people.. I have been in City B for about 6 years. Every day I have lived in sadness, loneliness and frustration. And I was trying really hard to be in the community yet leaving is more desirable. I felt that no one in this city cares about me, and no one from California wants me.

​

Am I that invaluable? I don't care if no one responds here, or no one ever reads this. I said what I wanted. 

​

Maybe all the suffering should come to an end...",3.107640286277356,5.6201678938906765,4.3973930781730814,81.40402655326213,77.45659163987139,7.185464854959723,27.074058707602944,8.224981512270155,2.1010752204128207,3867,159,698,74,93,1271,366,933,0.157,0.772,0.071,-0.9978,13,4,0,0,0,3,222.0,6,1,4,7,36,45,7,2,51,0,74,8,2,10,8,102,135,47,3,15,16,2,8,3,2,2,4,2,0,2,32,28,1,1,16,3,8,15,27,24,5,8,69,12,102,21,106,58,26,116,0,10,2,1,38,50,3,12,53,469,134,43,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022433153713461298,0.0,0.025341333322335163,0.0,0.0,0.04047604289254314,0.0,0.4387224746941747,0.4920129514371005,0.03441929421649438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02509777194409278,0.0,0.0,0.020825528051964047,0.0,0.02365865533052704,0.0,0.0,0.0389190854175582,0.021130311615715304,0.046280788813503296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027628720519833287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752391639100882,0.057888997177599814,0.05160440410148122,0.0,0.0,0.021799764105434025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040411205807523234,0.02800174554674449,0.0,0.01632093970200959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120725780700643,0.02614892530384428,0.0,0.0,0.022891656017599283,0.021322262886973715,0.024181950118752214,0.022744325294549516,0.0,0.047714428163398964,0.0,0.012795993936233731,0.018079346125862386,0.07289614772869246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549570076140402,0.05865644203127255,0.02339593993830862,0.0528875112621154,0.0,0.0,0.06367900414494991,0.08096136972195088,0.02790108812228574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801037984428299,0.024985451187528655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139061194221412,0.0,0.025135589360392903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004532828844796,0.0,0.027998477345922645,0.052706751398918526,0.027816161915061238,0.06188581742289016,0.0,0.053592977999985726,0.027496160374033702,0.05175630222892308,0.07150041022882322,0.03709120726620169,0.0,0.022346569699127225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02762561094979651,0.021515130534359148,0.0,0.023946122144360267,0.0,0.07697206402349373,0.025424311495932026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02555288443333181,0.0,0.02019982860375634,0.026897366135554525,0.0186035777177564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289218425728963,0.03849427091124534,0.0,0.0,0.056200920245432176,0.0,0.024158422131452743,0.10526824212851822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025313876813737087,0.0,0.048636991196666916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02407277923338585,0.0,0.0,0.2048965103254676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025977300952551283,0.06280270615592044,0.028446160213558464,0.0,0.025797328436481685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017912444936581038,0.0,0.06063067664598185,0.0,0.0,0.026456400799839384,0.0,0.05536356308509364,0.028718115895203056,0.0,0.0,0.057083207512627125,0.040681661585158166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0324314438560957,0.0,0.06027286111567692,0.07378365878853681,0.0,0.0,0.048363900237504434,0.0,0.017181811067923186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176495663936235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448718711597296,0.02008754117684157,0.02029977166396062,0.0,0.06826217327627918,0.04691973768305991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527145418119272,0.0,0.0,0.01797738686167347,0.027669262761405255,0.4920129514371005,0.1303751723867292
suicidewatch,jaytwo96,2019/02/02,"I just want to die right now The day before yesterday I got my 3rd dwai offense in NYS.  I take xanax illegally so they pretty much had me dead to rights even though the xanax wasn't consumed that day.  They said I failed the field sobriety test which idk if any of you have taken but is very very hard to pass stone cold sober.  Anyway I am feeling this way because it looks like my life is over jail time the whole bit, let alone losing my car that I don't even care about right now.  IDK maybe i deserve to die.",3.0130188679245293,4.209781009433964,3.2699528301886813,95.21832547169814,73.81132075471697,6.432075471698113,20.797169811320764,6.6274283507984215,-0.0020528301886790787,401,8,93,3,8,123,80,106,0.248,0.682,0.07,-0.9657,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,2,2,9,5,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,0,5,16,4,3,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,5,14,2,8,10,3,14,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,1,7,51,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534406593756685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151300183770483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320389939991853,0.0,0.14406209678314694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483209337037435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261295235080726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836939200485925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514139915882929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236425200193603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560332514460457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540492616278524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165982645377296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312104046248733,0.11958181785822405,0.08271158122969864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216962352430473,0.1894037448743749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700849198905265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445520997915956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722392828551735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337446267143803,0.16104336701931465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729276567211342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633669791176894,0.0,0.09872037397186692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793809775324243,0.09985771101159413,0.1343827081574034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901775337211574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trainpk85,2019/02/02,"I’ve purchased the right method online so now I’m just waiting for my time and I’m so calm I have ordered the correct amount of a drug called Nembutal. I have researched many ways to end it as I ideally wanted my family to be able to donate my organs but I can’t find any method where this would be possible. I’m also against any method where my family would have to find me as I don’t want them to be more upset than necessary. I have considered over the counter meds but I am terrified of a failed attempt.

When I receive my delivery I will spend some quality time with those I love. I will check into a hotel room and leave out my drivers licence, passport and phone password for when I am found. I have also ordered anti sickness meds to ensure it all runs smoothly. I will watch videos of happier times and listen to music that reminds me of good things and I will drift off to sleep.

I feel very calm. I am aware that suicide is the selfish way out but it’s my way. I know some people will be upset - some devastated. But they will be ok. I’m the weak link. Once I am out of the equation they will be stronger together,

I don’t know how long my delivery will take but I know life will be easier just knowing there is an end in sight.",1.6972941176470613,3.803323749019612,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764704,80.13725490196079,6.432941176470589,23.53333333333333,7.554174236665415,1.0563615686274512,976,34,206,15,25,320,137,255,0.149,0.7190000000000001,0.132,-0.8292,0,0,4,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,3,3,13,11,0,2,10,1,32,6,1,1,2,38,48,19,1,5,7,0,2,0,0,11,4,1,1,0,8,10,0,1,9,2,4,3,3,5,0,0,1,5,34,6,27,29,6,28,0,1,2,1,8,11,0,3,9,139,42,2,0.13653173405346078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836875678999146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569252205801728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941416563158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833346554526065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418531832114237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25741993570488897,0.0,0.06903454705702987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495750628878976,0.0,0.0,0.14969999926412966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451634081979573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001370816898738,0.0,0.0,0.14456739273648564,0.0,0.0,0.09643640148503106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082628823420015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232252205380414,0.0,0.0,0.13842174882718525,0.0,0.0,0.303311955314391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540184085317498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465391344413944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391901587527326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659735488493472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663033563895366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493435570573455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265487242425017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070561738258796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388382562570811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126529793540197,0.16105990831996733,0.32511760638756315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939764531695161,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thr0wmeaway001,2019/02/02,"is freezing to death a good way to kill yourself? like, just getting really drunk and going to sleep in the snow?",3.12409090909091,5.2961132272727305,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,75.81818181818181,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.0855636363636372,89,3,17,1,2,28,20,22,0.39,0.448,0.161,-0.825,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383682589973961,0.0,0.2592935439871151,0.3826751783293636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047655403143408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228973983753917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922810984484318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565727273639816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621446427404237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wideawake365,2019/02/02,"I’ve posted here many times. Alt accounts, whatever. I guess my titles aren’t catchy enough. Anybody listening?

I’m wondering if it’s really all worth it anymore. ",2.1370000000000005,4.943332033333338,3.6633333333333336,79.48500000000001,95.33333333333334,7.7333333333333325,26.0,8.238735603445708,3.0132,131,6,21,4,5,43,27,30,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.2911,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712423372653487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867908341983729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123750980073576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795195979397895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585119690318665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23981026854530074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182792799429553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40595318699776256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PuppyChuu,2019/02/02,"Hydrocodone & sertraline suicide Hey all,
I'm just here to see if anyone has any experiences with these drugs. For the longest time I've been trying to figure out what my ""out method"" is going to be, and I'm looking for something that will just make me pass out and never wake up. Research tells me this is what these drugs will do to you, but I'm hesitant because I don't want them to harm me and then not kill me. My previous alternative was helium, connected to my face using a setup you can order online. But that option seems like a lot of work and I also fear it going wrong. I have the drugs readily available and could die any time I wanted if they worked. That thought brings me comfort. Any comments to make about downing several hydrocodone and sertraline pills? ",5.443800000000002,6.4124977800000025,5.757333333333335,80.50200000000005,67.86666666666667,8.666666666666668,29.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.3182666666666667,617,22,115,10,10,197,99,150,0.152,0.778,0.07,-0.9264,0,0,5,0,0,2,16.0,0,2,2,2,5,6,1,1,4,0,13,6,2,3,2,30,28,12,3,5,7,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,3,2,16,2,17,21,2,14,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,5,5,78,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247462741313166,0.0,0.16593881153533904,0.0,0.3124433566428048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708658978805564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335929702693176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227843981022175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894633541403302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328188652464182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981085503772046,0.0,0.1723372115502575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407824092571494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943865239892922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482173759411967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860808736867466,0.0,0.0,0.1302033206623557,0.0,0.0,0.20445867641309465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811932681959135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220413471265781,0.1394227227005682,0.0,0.17301679438462875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179029565445967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752210138505022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338605364627697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158461616193746,0.17860690865051912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397932991687747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132273105640021,0.0,0.0,0.1806646019572452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222991190958563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744634135781386,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XOXOAnn72,2019/02/02,"I fucking hate him I hate my fucking stepdad. In his eyes I'm not allowed to fucking exist because why the fuck would I matter, why the fuck should I be allowed to exist. Everything I fucking do is wrong and I get in trouble for fucking breathing or blinking. He makes me want to die but of course I'm not allowed to feel this way.",3.4480882352941187,4.591912338235296,4.637529411764707,86.03688235294119,72.67647058823529,6.028235294117647,34.188235294117646,5.6839178017228535,1.9012729411764708,261,14,51,1,5,86,44,68,0.231,0.737,0.032,-0.9149,3,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,2,0,5,9,2,4,0,14,20,3,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,0,2,10,0,8,17,0,3,0,0,1,7,3,2,7,1,0,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822395647000914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001473716489055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124793847994753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821428490305888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8730514599614301,0.07048463329667556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26639035533009936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005312316415134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795731046335591,0.10708486293971373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434696374591756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583582137548624,0.1475023341265844,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xdxdxdxdxd1123,2019/02/02,xd I don't want to live but I also don't want to die. Im stuck in this shitty feeling Almost every second,-1.6261333333333317,0.16982772000000068,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,91.8,3.333333333333334,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.4480666666666666,83,1,19,0,3,31,19,25,0.315,0.416,0.268,-0.1217,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778576479190305,0.0,0.0,0.3017635688286036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916257141568912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179303945969606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907975444713464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40759858007327704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332035516114195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451370557243437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gotmuted,2019/02/02,Leaving the only choice? I have been struggling mentally and financially for a year now. Its gotten worse recently and I have acquired over 100 grand of debt by simply taking all the loans you can possibly get and gamble it away. I am in the 30s and gambling has been a problem for me for a lifetime and I own nothing of value in life as i've always gambled everything away. Recently I have stopped paying rent and my monthly payments to the loaners as the monthly payments are way more than I get paid from work. I live alone but keep up with my parents pretty regularly. Is it selfish to kill myself? I really can't take this anymore as I can't even get a good night of sleep. I wake up countless times during the night and feel pressure in my chest because of all the things I have done wrong and its killing me inside. ,4.977154882154885,5.9636547962963,5.522772166105501,81.69792929292932,68.93827160493828,7.8662177328844,32.01122334455668,8.00094639256281,2.301906172839506,655,28,123,8,11,211,105,162,0.225,0.7390000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9848,3,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,2,2,9,2,2,11,0,14,4,3,0,2,16,23,12,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,8,0,2,7,0,0,5,1,18,2,24,18,4,19,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,10,88,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503715865946014,0.0,0.0,0.12080853282872545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439880621415723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728189082518536,0.0,0.0,0.08850561330681737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857832998635245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958956905256784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048613762109432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341171057565786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275651283434429,0.0,0.0,0.12177729596025733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905028460601212,0.32125931376972205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373374703944867,0.0,0.0,0.10255099072249396,0.0,0.0,0.1282041797836257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631594410491242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177628537909756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249930176284426,0.0,0.13931236225078644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042246069511147,0.0,0.0,0.16121474078932133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367831364477695,0.0,0.14770898631990606,0.0,0.13892586688605135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301152477339196,0.0,0.2867124223358954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529343761024158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138415746479858,0.0,0.1517826319760719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832749267883345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645684392447723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846606309941943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524394012685366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056990184497208,0.0,0.1479595710577678,0.0,0.15874092468349288,0.0,0.09349668799861838
suicidewatch,howlsmovingdork,2019/02/02,"Is 6,100 mgs of Bupropion enough to kill me? I’m tired. Of everything. I feel so numb and useless. I’m tired of the back and forth with my partner. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling so stuck, lost and hopeless. I’m tired of feeling like a burden. I’m tired of hating myself. I’m just tired. I don’t WANT to kill myself but I feel like this is the only option I have at this point. Its the only way out. 
I brought out the pills for the first time in a while and counted them and I’m just ready to swallow them all. ",-1.1759210526315798,0.8839620000000039,0.9554166666666679,100.90312500000002,95.66666666666669,3.5517543859649123,16.774122807017545,5.148860815047168,-0.8751035087719301,404,11,97,2,16,133,60,114,0.28600000000000003,0.613,0.1,-0.9495,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,2,2,5,11,3,0,7,0,4,10,0,0,1,18,21,9,2,1,3,0,4,2,1,0,9,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,3,4,11,2,16,18,2,11,0,4,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209032412410297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030956820589193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594722051568423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592024138194926,0.15253589517849508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080831342882968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540143810501013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428666359174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362238532225352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043131476144818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653898505909167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623885629439552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092083186750146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622514573508518,0.858918438379867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296864353414461,0.08473954351040595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glowsauce,2019/02/02,"i'm so sad it is physically unbearable i don't really know why i'm posting this and i'm not even sure if it'll warrant any responses i just need to get it out of my head. i've lived with depression for 9 years and began having suicidal thoughts when i was 12. as a young teen, i used to self harm and engage in various self destructive ""attention-seeking"" behaviors. i always said i couldn't see myself making it past 20. i turned 20 last september and i just feel completely embarrassed to be alive. i can't imagine a future for myself and i can't imagine ever being truly loved and accepted by someone. i'm really fucking awkward, i constantly overshare, i'm not really good at anything nor do i have the motivation to engage in or cultivate my talents and hobbies. i've recently gotten into buddhist ideas, meditation, yoga, etc. which i love but my most recent depressive episode has been my far my worst and has kept me in bed, inconsollable for many hours a day. i cry until i can't cry anymore and i don't even understand why. last night something weird happened. i was home alone, drinking and trying to pack to prepare for my upcoming move. i got reasonably drunk and was happy at first... then moved into this space of deep, body wrenching pain. i laid in bed and i was shaking violently with pain, crying so much harder than i ever had. i don't think i've ever been so sad before in my life. it is emotionally and physically agonizing. i've talked to friends and family about this somewhat but i feel like i may be overbearing with how sad i am all the time so i've decided to try as hard as i can not to share anymore with my close friends, as i feel like i have been doing this incessantly for months. i have insane social anxiety and the thought of therapy horrifies me. i just want to die. i feel crushed by waves of pain that constantly wash over me. i feel immense conflict over just killing myself because i know my mom (who also struggles with crippling depression) would be inconsollable for the rest or her life. anyways, i'm not sure where i'm going with this. i guess i just feel really hopeless and hurt. if you're still reading, thanks for listening. ",4.011874306326305,5.803665007075473,5.387208657047727,78.65046614872367,72.27830188679245,8.950499445061045,29.92341842397337,9.478462496947786,2.9148229189789125,1729,74,321,42,34,579,226,424,0.27,0.643,0.087,-0.9983,0,1,2,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,0,2,21,38,4,4,7,0,34,13,2,5,6,79,73,36,3,6,15,1,7,2,2,3,6,2,3,2,13,26,2,2,19,4,0,4,12,22,0,1,15,10,51,16,48,50,8,46,0,8,1,3,14,17,1,8,26,209,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401749473184066,0.0,0.06487290041068633,0.06749965535618843,0.0,0.0,0.05516545804244398,0.0,0.062057788758409074,0.0,0.16090162412187808,0.0,0.0,0.06675615059020078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945096389646541,0.0,0.06902849202690234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901077908750675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850544361027202,0.17532722394860709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26732474839941617,0.05231670984775756,0.0,0.2096097010422596,0.0,0.08419139544042846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946826777846627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125086191868108,0.0,0.0,0.09047200827975677,0.10716008065099003,0.2201373476663148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647420857356793,0.0,0.246105057992406,0.11590654984007565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900197683971593,0.0,0.0,0.12534866719200194,0.07499559606959055,0.042382678813055935,0.0,0.04610326492012067,0.06804093481691073,0.06488034031672202,0.0,0.0893645691188731,0.0,0.07173554771097379,0.08635543327899932,0.07266900423450141,0.0,0.08325414747090254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137156174020486,0.0,0.07988841830281106,0.0,0.08684233212223343,0.09157639276319496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974901214206983,0.0,0.08916460072512357,0.13224983417697006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145971458823659,0.07926381543704777,0.0,0.07163184377784199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643079124615155,0.0,0.05414928639997351,0.08224455236492513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950086172692222,0.06475047339994965,0.17243880872979886,0.059633697284613436,0.06015062571565592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612711007703095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589572506043216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743972982604891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769205219060027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114353539478462,0.0,0.207874252566528,0.08340649783972644,0.16019555275493913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716520184356178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464339859897891,0.0,0.16925500552028244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269323772408388,0.06873405380815968,0.062451357637059515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478380076711057,0.0,0.0,0.08480589166632073,0.0,0.08873384495453493,0.0,0.15291226340045194,0.0,0.0,0.06520245537741076,0.0,0.07468585436084657,0.09276959968198692,0.0,0.0,0.05197943467539077,0.0,0.12880295065750394,0.04730264725958803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015245944310988,0.08823698737485376,0.0,0.08445042854112325,0.0,0.07006300154114392,0.0,0.0,0.04784761128920983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146399221539968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576264448882961,0.0,0.0,0.05223963961054921
suicidewatch,by3mom,2019/02/02,I can’t even focus enough to finish my suicide note I took a lot of anti anxiety meds already so that’s probably why. But I guess now I’m finally doing it it’s like how many people that won’t care do I have to dedicate a whole space to say goodbye to,-0.026011904761904958,1.9236008035714285,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,85.60714285714286,6.590476190476192,21.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.1196404761904764,199,7,44,4,6,72,44,56,0.157,0.738,0.105,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,9,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,5,7,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963242243887897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691746003829726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491182872829625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246587377207313,0.0,0.1613825636839823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676597040987127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691652186020436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193709230610457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077269396948652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477197969441901,0.0,0.0,0.2714037953494988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939280436074208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634370681676866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943069259887596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672654835141269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714678676183835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220476520266981,0.2727940073143339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cauliflowerandcheese,2019/02/02,"I have planned to die this morning. The past year was supposed to be the first year that i actually could experience adulthood and instead it was marred by everything good in my life crumbling. I had a boyfriend who made me feel loved, I had been doing well in school, I had made it into a university and then it was all pulled out from under me. I realised all my time with my boyfriend he was using me for my savings, I spent thousands on him from flights to clothes and even funded his petrol for the journey he took to cheat on me. It is crushingly pathetic to look back on everything that was good and is now tinged and bloodied, every memory of that leaves gapes in my adolescence where I have to second-think my development as an adult. My sense of trust has been erased entirely and I have become a shell of the person I once was. 

My family is a traumatic reminder of a history of mental illness that passes through my family, my father has Parkinson's Disease and makes terrible decisions, my mother's empathy is overblown and she suffers from anxiety but she hides it very well. I oversympathise with everyone, I spend too much to buy people's affection and it just got worse as my depression progressed. Now that I am out of home and alone in the world the will to end is very strong and I do not think I have much time left. 

I keep writing things on here and deleting them and not doing them because I have trouble trusting strangers, I have recently lost so many memories that I make memories up to compensate for my illness. I lose my belongings everyday, I wander aimlessly around in my house and I have spent many hours tonight just pacing around looking for my phone and I cannot find it and it really hurts my head.

I am a dark, ugly and conflicted person with no redeemable features, which is why I want to end it. All my friends progress along like everything is normal, like the stress is not looming behind them constantly and yet I feel insecure and vastly inferior to everyone. Lately I have gone off my medication because it was making me hear people saying my name and I could not stand it, sometimes I feel like all I do is ramble like now and that my thoughts race through over and over like I am being trampled by my own brain and it hurts so much in my chest. 

I used to be happy and healthy and not fat with gaunt poking bones at weird angles like an odd rib or my collarbone and terrible scoliosis, I used to like to draw and I wanted to be happy I was starting architecture but I dropped out of that after a gap year. I don't want to tell my parents I dropped out, I don't want to see their expressions of disappointment, they have three other children to pressure into something not every parent is that lucky. 

If I can just level with whoever made it this far all I know is that it really hurts and I just want the pain to leave. It used to be I could just ignore thoughts but now I cannot and they flood in constantly until I sleep for hours. I work cleaning dishes and it is ironically the only place I could escape but lately at work I start to have the same thoughts bit by bit and I want to quit my job and end my rent and just leave the world. 

I'm going to skip breakfast, I made sure to not eat for 48 hours and to be clear because I know that you can shit yourself when you hang. I was going to write all these handwritten notes to numerous people, a will and a funeral plan, I even did a seating list out of boredom but whats the point now in doing anything?

I wanted to make an alt but whats the point? Everything is so pointless, I grew up in a cold world where I saw my family's wellbeing crumble and my own crumble and everything just crumbling endlessly. I tied a noose off a video and I am watching it in my cupboard and the fan is on to mask the smell but I don't know if I should turn the fan off because it wastes power and my flatmate will be angry. But why does it matter if I am dead? Why even have the fan on? If it was my choice I would have just wanted to fall asleep and that be it with the dark and the dark purple swirling shapes and pinpoints of lights and patterns you see when you close your eyes forever. But instead my fat arse will be swaying in some tiny fucking cupboard over and over and over. 

The truth is that nobody cares, there are tears and people get depressed but in the end there is no point because i sqaundered the chance i had to change myself for the better and instead i am a lousy naive shit who couldnt make it work and couldnt make it to 20 even

time just kept getting faster and I just wanted it to end and the perpetual stuck in a rutt was humiliating and degrading and physically hurt me all over. my only advice is to not take a gap year if you are suicidal or depressed because it just makes you want to do what you always said you would and for what? my combined wealth of 4 grand which can barely pay for a year of tuition or a used car amazing. fucking amazing work there boy

im just sorry i couldnt be what people needed and for caring so much because in the end it does not matter and when the lights are out and centuries past i will be nothing and there will be no record of me on this rock ",5.721734394703656,5.717468195192312,6.024757250945778,82.2345050441362,67.04807692307692,9.204287515762926,30.99148802017655,8.888481712034551,2.3026325662042875,4113,145,838,62,61,1319,406,1040,0.153,0.725,0.121,-0.9919,5,1,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,9,6,15,45,56,5,3,47,0,100,23,12,17,10,189,167,87,4,27,39,4,3,7,1,9,7,3,3,5,54,76,5,4,12,2,9,11,20,27,2,3,35,18,130,29,123,104,17,117,0,12,8,3,43,60,4,10,50,604,184,7,0.0,0.0,0.04627131189974969,0.0,0.0,0.046334502353191455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049108820146599286,0.0,0.0,0.03945402615758135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627321662660097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03901944236110462,0.08442083320568998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03646008414307892,0.0,0.20233106805587844,0.05236740033733831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193572180086797,0.1035322864462044,0.0,0.0,0.052932092692526515,0.0,0.0,0.09668782786168044,0.0,0.0501599880104372,0.0,0.0,0.10248000294671544,0.0,0.1514317151348947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251835337772465,0.0,0.049210466341224134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298836571347634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851854774977273,0.0,0.0,0.2519797523128555,0.0,0.0,0.1252716507289565,0.0,0.07990028446343543,0.09061630576505564,0.2130728420567448,0.046382082481990126,0.13409914804099488,0.0,0.07192507387117536,0.03387409924609412,0.0,0.0,0.043337492120155634,0.04033214369455861,0.0,0.0,0.03663359144661021,0.08767091308598092,0.04954595129989422,0.0,0.05389536910995738,0.07954081566452227,0.03792301798373621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100950723539555,0.0,0.0,0.04866263827142606,0.0,0.05344143486392645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756225359137264,0.0,0.14008603727417124,0.05471185830686357,0.20303983035503545,0.0,0.05121756687659982,0.0,0.047053201624880636,0.04214564307065459,0.0,0.0,0.07817601002795635,0.0,0.10697494040929778,0.1506205348656098,0.05151777386816914,0.0,0.03349142130703125,0.16215591337248142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963522956574705,0.053046531072456785,0.05176031702323272,0.0,0.04279491678598127,0.17946518915676993,0.2215544872837837,0.09614504557694252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776677171080967,0.04778431581625665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942527203287244,0.035158466333751415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464577489168632,0.04549706428526425,0.0,0.0,0.050496640644430026,0.0,0.07212422087479449,0.05045411508708076,0.0,0.10530002229407404,0.0,0.0905281400348025,0.16436190301071155,0.08280388746996889,0.049539773347070916,0.0,0.13447073309575014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043290049908308,0.0,0.0,0.06075198573214306,0.0,0.04681771703403309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510360646918194,0.03770721695552204,0.0,0.04798766419443839,0.07556904774641178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973439707925724,0.0,0.0,0.0474503824669937,0.0,0.0,0.03650326042091585,0.0468957739958613,0.05307848570418112,0.06712277460676133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431502713481322,0.0,0.0,0.051865560222864496,0.0,0.04468914995329151,0.0,0.03565103559068165,0.0,0.041443795522936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03150117590343901,0.06076469470895275,0.0,0.1129293540300036,0.08294619605631191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052681075204346964,0.0,0.05157514345196559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476160069975266,0.0,0.07824656115198161,0.2796726735004278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526560699769987,0.0,0.12835707128298454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380780559485239,0.0,0.04832109661536792,0.06736612956003217,0.0,0.0,0.1526721949009382
suicidewatch,Anonnstradomis,2019/02/02,"Thoughts seem to grow more by the day Won’t go into crazy detail the love of my life left me, wants to file for divorce 8 years together. She was literally half of me body and soul. Can’t function at all since she has been gone. Been think of suicide hard lately and have even went as far as to shop for gas powered generators plan would be to sit in car which is relatively small with generator running, take a lot of benzo and just pass out and let the carbon monoxide kill me just so fucking tired of living everyday gets harder it seems",6.322777777777778,5.965976092592598,6.507777777777778,80.465,65.85185185185185,9.422222222222222,30.962962962962962,8.841846274778883,2.226451851851852,430,14,88,6,6,138,88,108,0.139,0.826,0.035,-0.9056,1,0,0,0,1,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,4,0,11,5,1,0,1,17,23,7,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,1,1,7,2,2,0,1,6,1,6,1,19,13,3,19,1,0,0,2,4,7,1,3,4,54,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361362445586694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371010350064336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041171560077914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653326579568925,0.1110679388769758,0.0,0.12081809724116804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904362052283013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351960299355515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23980740768970524,0.0,0.23097640912911035,0.21738462163478955,0.15015649259076122,0.0,0.0,0.1877182252083508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073387429989468,0.19186807709314407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38706246063352384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585417205116413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325356854199919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983897525427762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621717255889013,0.0,0.16877034028338564,0.0,0.2443374959683812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538932684080786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970702887219728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510157129704372,0.0,0.0,0.13689906494141604
suicidewatch,BecameADearFriend,2019/02/02,"I'm not sure where my life is going to take me... I've been depressed for as long as I have known.  I would always put qualifiers on when I would kill myself...but nine years ago I met a woman who changed that.  Last night she asked for a divorce and is likely taking everything, which is fine she deserves it and she is honestly a great woman.  I am not easy to deal with but I did try.  I am beyond afraid my children will want nothing to do to me and starting over is very scary for me to the point I just don't want to do it.

When I was young my dad died and I'd really hate to do that to my children, especially when they likely have inherited some of my bad mental issues.  I totally have the ability to put the effort in to have a decent rest of my life but I am not sure I want to.  I've been thinking about where I'd do it, and how I'd do it.  I've even sorta of figured out some of the sensations I am going to feel when it does happen.

I think I am going to coward out but part of me thinks this really is the big qualifier.  i've alienated nearly everyone in my life so I am at the point where it will have the least affect on those around me.  I am sure it would suck but most would get over it.  My children have there mom who is the strongest woman who will make it easier for them.  I am not sure why I am posting this here but maybe there is something that will tip the scales and let me know things are going to be fine or its worth fighting for.  I am just not sure.",2.7118010291595174,3.26796858490566,4.333436249285306,89.73910806174959,73.84276729559748,7.542824471126357,22.63064608347627,7.686295010490155,0.6982779874213838,1142,26,268,14,22,385,147,318,0.147,0.7759999999999999,0.077,-0.9802,0,0,1,0,3,1,24.0,0,0,2,1,18,18,4,1,13,0,45,3,0,3,6,50,68,20,2,7,13,2,1,2,0,8,3,0,0,6,21,10,0,0,7,0,2,6,6,7,0,1,5,1,39,11,40,53,7,36,0,1,0,0,21,18,1,5,13,198,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933074181348538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758548358183911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370449889157033,0.0984047126690537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788843719571242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135205286290396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851934423531684,0.09066104082237553,0.0,0.10924417382827008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211450453307712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952381782513319,0.0,0.0,0.10058128071812908,0.09460169076362196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532230631461667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499446478277376,0.0,0.2392887330415208,0.0,0.0,0.116050490675385,0.0,0.0,0.09308184764972582,0.0,0.0,0.10392332576243048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986501001678288,0.0,0.0,0.11645556689105165,0.0,0.05784862627580487,0.08580166534839945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076363803964429,0.2230466152658372,0.1028502970713167,0.0,0.0,0.09315256552771027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026245408108397,0.0,0.1057487009558618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607820838558313,0.0,0.0,0.12328026927034948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878020435215984,0.0,0.10100065227977167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398727433401748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990111079116917,0.0,0.10081082526527814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211632513242928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486562886267758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103496721754386,0.0,0.0,0.07450419191449609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960356636211429,0.0,0.15828616222495193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993065077514565,0.2023407630008288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146522731963241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685124896683523,0.1862567809074196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498157099410524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990972333716296,0.0,0.0,0.06778455494753084
suicidewatch,coultinarchbold,2019/02/02,"Where do you go? Where do you go when the only person you need stops wanting you? Where do you go when the only person you can reach out to has become to far to reach? 

I want to fight until my last dying breath but the longer I fight, the sooner I think my dying breath will come. 

I'm not sure how to handle my thoughts. They tell me to harm myself, but I don't want to die. At this point though, I don't really want to live. 

I've reached a point of existential misery and I've never thought it would come to this. 

I'm really not the kind of guy to ask for help, so I don't know how to reach out or who to reach out to. I just want to know how to handle these thoughts and feelings. ",1.4371923937360158,2.612847791946308,2.8739765100671164,96.5730229306488,77.79194630872483,5.772035794183445,17.114653243847876,5.985473137389443,-0.6530272930648775,527,7,130,3,12,172,74,149,0.12,0.752,0.127,-0.7914,0,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,6,1,0,11,5,2,0,6,0,10,2,2,3,2,33,31,13,3,7,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,7,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,3,1,19,2,23,26,0,21,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,1,6,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791928124658591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111999543229848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357369949182249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42602948021870746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918627979023975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233294030673266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548501498128915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171548500242603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248928482196094,0.15039838019120524,0.11153619642221654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082500439281775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145906112461388,0.1055331353978719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813353076428495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389525356544417,0.0,0.0,0.25870059668550993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531593600605988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439752887663612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896237150041373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195970422396124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876763055613683,0.1344365689261263,0.3258875436865724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035347646595772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720139939947542,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swordothemorning,2019/02/02,"Sentient, but not alive ""Imagine being sentient but not alive. Seeing and even knowing, but not alive. Just looking out. Recognizing but not being alive. A person can die and still go on. Sometimes what looks out at you from a person's eyes maybe died back in childhood."" - Philip K. Dick",2.7546703296703328,5.7710299615384635,2.5109890109890105,90.29115384615385,85.92307692307693,3.740659340659341,22.813186813186807,5.288315135182226,0.28205714285714256,226,8,39,1,7,67,37,52,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,15,8,6,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,6,6,0,9,0,0,4,1,3,5,1,0,3,27,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793568803637834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343107534045688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001970073069456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462944644462514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146815342955166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323263186715176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586072378015425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495284315345268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051258494253822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545892997789841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205571372319032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ujhsnhdba,2019/02/02,I'm so fucking tired of living i fucking wish we had those suicide booths from futurama,2.768235294117648,5.621237882352943,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,81.94117647058823,5.752941176470588,32.029411764705884,7.1686216300943375,2.427964705882353,72,4,12,1,2,24,15,17,0.34700000000000003,0.523,0.13,-0.7165,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6521503098086949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311449815456762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38580801747291577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40538881051137454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055996447658247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ylkpy,2019/02/02,How to kill myself How do I die easily? ,-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,89.0,8.044444444444443,9.0,8.841846274778883,0.2364666666666668,30,0,7,1,1,12,8,9,0.537,0.312,0.15,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6841646852569601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7293275556615456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anthony_Czerr123,2019/02/02,My Anxiety Idk if it’s my anxiety or not but I feel like crap like it’s hard to breathe. I feel like I’m not breathing fully. People say I’m alright but am I really alright. It also feels like something is blocking my airway idk if it’s asthma or it’s just me. people say I’m alright and I don’t know if I should believe them or not. I can still breathe but I can’t breathe fully to my chest something feels like it’s blocking the way.,-1.3524999999999991,0.6456495833333378,1.4101666666666688,96.3515,100.04166666666666,3.8100000000000014,20.983333333333334,5.6839178017228535,0.06841333333333344,344,14,77,3,15,118,46,96,0.303,0.623,0.07400000000000001,-0.9591,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,9,1,0,1,3,6,7,6,0,0,22,14,11,0,4,13,0,5,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,13,8,2,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,6,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411946021474016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27013513311168946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892214288410373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570952383272499,0.5045366890440939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816267002682208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970325069891734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312903698797575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448083113518445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310856383023896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808144691552213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184832308429296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100067851139164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401447464671114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luxmor,2019/02/02,"Is life really worth living just for others? I've been hospitalized many times, I'm seeing a therapist, I have friends to talk to when I'm really down, family who cares... but I just can't seem to stop feeling depressed and anxious all the time. I really wanted to complete my high school education, which I've been struggling with for years now, but my anxiety is so bad I get panic attacks even thinking about it all.

There's just... no fight left in me. The only reason I'm still alive is because I don't wanna hurt my mother and my best friend. My poor mother's already been through so much in her life, already lost a child... but she's also suffering because she's living with me and I'm a depressed useless piece of shit who she can't even help get better. And it's making her very depressed, too.

I'm starting to think maybe it'd just be better for everyone if I killed myself. I wouldn't have to be in pain anymore, my mother would be hurt deeply, but let's face it, I'm hurting her deeply all the time by being my shitty alive self anyway.

My friends don't care enough to contact me more than like every 2 weeks or so... sure I can always chat with someone when I'm in a crisis, but that's not friendship. I guess I'm not even capable of actual friendship at this point. I don't have anything interesting to talk about or anything happening in my life, so.... yeah. I just spend pretty much all of my days alone at home feeling like shit. I try to go out a little bit every day at least, but it doesn't really help. I feel alone, useless, not fit for this world.

I tried romance, but it seemed to only be the final nail in the coffin for me. My ex... I really trusted him and liked him very very much. Talking to him made my days so much better, even when we were friends, then when we started dating it was even nicer to be able to spend so much time with him. But, turns out he just never really cared about me much. He ended up cheating on me/getting over me in like 2 days and told me about it like a week after we broke up, which broke me. I just felt... feel... so used and unloved and well, I wanna die. I don't wanna go through life anymore.

I've been mistreated my entire life. Bullied, used, ignored, you name it. I just... I don't wanna do this. I'm tired of people telling me I *should* wanna do this. I don't. No medication, no therapy, no hospitalization, nothing has worked - for over 10 years.

So, give me an argument if ya got one. No ""drink more water, go exercise, do yoga"" please. Because I don't give a shit about any of those things and I won't do them. Give me something that's at least viable to try for someone as deep down as I am.",2.0500191131498475,3.8181017247706457,3.517758027522937,90.06501624617736,77.62385321100919,6.2297400611620795,22.363340978593264,7.083569544072883,0.6219120795107029,2060,60,441,23,48,678,240,545,0.257,0.588,0.155,-0.9975,0,2,2,0,1,2,96.0,3,2,1,6,37,46,7,2,13,1,41,15,4,5,6,74,84,37,3,11,23,4,5,5,4,4,9,0,1,2,22,18,2,2,10,4,4,3,21,25,1,1,11,6,66,21,67,61,18,57,0,12,1,0,44,27,3,7,32,289,88,2,0.06113298555639968,0.0,0.05965697536386151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663067258526672,0.1349235394589461,0.04888802646271348,0.050867541244291166,0.0,0.0,0.041572526517751535,0.0,0.046766566622306036,0.06906287286621031,0.12125498949740475,0.0,0.0,0.1006144764899404,0.0,0.0,0.0695475965147476,0.0,0.0,0.051043489413081136,0.11179830173797127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415529673595552,0.16220147341577734,0.06674138692314535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869874592239762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409677225216216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770287311266626,0.0,0.1579612526420574,0.0,0.06344638735385467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988705227459953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054145679971529206,0.06316671595687877,0.0,0.2018888020054184,0.0,0.10301435395062744,0.05841518749568144,0.0,0.0,0.05763073808618861,0.0,0.12364269735203075,0.04367341709644002,0.05869725306648384,0.06696819752030905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892477197578794,0.0,0.0958183853468674,0.17593299073110172,0.1042298535057208,0.0,0.04889363315396439,0.0,0.06734487578410765,0.0,0.05405969723273901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195230318084995,0.06459035567414961,0.06132136899203847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633237626182093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763459091280492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642116767972989,0.06251261961791071,0.21590017807827466,0.14933244398240686,0.06127131173906941,0.10796309250903273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673387528261028,0.0,0.0,0.057845509067217984,0.040806742564309384,0.06197925215269324,0.061416300823141076,0.0,0.0,0.061585051431800535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696386706125493,0.0,0.04714952719011034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865874840710353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04142529314711802,0.09298878054695046,0.06504980682796878,0.07172638671287036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042381914824076806,0.0,0.0,0.06710566024990806,0.05779043127798127,0.0,0.0,0.062194224015885965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23498013568193624,0.06285489083634549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061869845117409714,0.04871507457412883,0.11130634811236216,0.06377503654406705,0.0,0.18825639350710827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359556055580196,0.04706315896876436,0.0,0.0,0.0865404836531391,0.0,0.048820881234037515,0.05110991327903969,0.0,0.06390946989775939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057617115407740276,0.0,0.0,0.14740913434169498,0.05343292392170402,0.0,0.0699108967762635,0.07098010805543015,0.04061403918859485,0.07834309740554751,0.0,0.0,0.1425885419855348,0.07026337387161234,0.0,0.05841518749568144,0.0,0.12451585295469507,0.06649513350664646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559854274178099,0.0,0.15132334634462466,0.03605781878220437,0.0,0.09807438705699956,0.0,0.05496589579162112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044505541575402915,0.0,0.0,0.04342711894822332,0.0,0.0,0.07873527674931735
suicidewatch,SaladDaysBehindMe,2019/02/02,Going seems more and more the only solution I used to be happy but I screwed it up through depression and bad choices. It's very hard to explain and very complicated. Lost almost all my friends who now hate me. The only thing I enjoy is going to work 3 days a week. My mum and sister don't want me to go but the regrets of the past are killing me. Tried three therapists and changing the meds but nothing is working. ,2.2674999999999983,4.410776226190481,3.5359523809523807,88.4132142857143,78.40476190476191,6.104761904761905,27.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.3944095238095238,329,14,66,4,8,107,60,84,0.316,0.574,0.109,-0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,1,10,3,0,6,0,5,1,0,1,1,15,14,8,1,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,7,0,1,1,1,8,3,7,12,3,8,0,3,0,1,5,1,1,2,4,43,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976185383180616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822873458310968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047113112836604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222150284965777,0.0,0.16322035324587553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641106997609854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231001253171885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017315647283501,0.16975923083049516,0.18709692484849247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965917215363475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686706103380986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049730117980775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818351299922372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882541386874653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090393709770936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251820766364664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002987662722093,0.12589868171264348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866143540929134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636714494245608,0.0,0.31272289414779497,0.11177494139484002,0.0,0.1520094564211576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27592375076172915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayAccnt86,2019/02/02,"[Belgium] Girlfriend (29F) opened up about thinking about suicide and being sexually assaulted 3 years ago Good day everyone,

I am a bit at a crossroad here, and I do not know what to do.

Last night, my girlfriend of about 2 months, opened up about being suicidal. This might be important to the situation, but we haven't said I love you yet or really came out as a couple. I am leaving Belgium in a few months and I am still juggling about how serious this relationship is.

​

1) I asked her why she was feeling sad and that she wasn't in the same mood as usual. She cuddled my up on the couch and we stayed silent for a few minutes. She then said that she feels like she doesn't matter and it would be better if she wasn't here anymore. She is struggling a bit with some government bureaucracy and she just started a new job that she starts to appreciate... I think.

​

She mentioned that in 2015 she was sexually assaulted (molested) by her supervisor at an old job. She thinks it would have gone worst if a person didn't walk in. After a few months, she did a complaint to the supervisor's boss, but she was told to suck it up and that it won't change anything, that this is the way life goes pretty much. So she closed up. I asked her if anybody else knows about it and she mentioned 2 friends and myself. 

​

2) I asked her if she ever really thought or came close to end it, and her answer was 'yes a couple time' and  ""a few months and a year ago"". I told her she was important and that it wasn't her fault. We cuddle some more.

​

3) This morning everything seemed fine until she life my place, she became in that mood again and we embraced for a bit. She got emotional and I said I wanted her to speak to someone. That I will be here for her if she needs me. I asked if she wanted a phone number to call and she said yes. I forwarded her [www.preventionsuicide.be](https://www.preventionsuicide.be) .

​

4) No one knows about the suicidal thoughts but me. I went to read online, but I am still at-lost about what to do. Should I contact her sister, brother, parents ? Call the emergency ? I do not want to downplay this, but I do not want to be reach out without her knowing and maybe making things worst, i.e. lost of employment, having family try to get her help and her not wanting them to know. 

​

I am not from Belgium initially and I do not know how the system or government handles suicidal people.

I hope I can get some advice from this subreddit. Obviously this is a throw away account.

​

Thank you guys,",3.6213722813294416,5.726413074898787,4.17791450899162,85.57106345918464,74.12145748987855,7.18644195461821,26.063270878448357,8.057270187336151,1.5683659354109785,2025,72,396,32,43,640,221,494,0.131,0.773,0.096,-0.9735,4,0,0,0,0,3,103.0,4,2,1,2,20,21,4,1,25,2,42,5,0,4,2,92,87,41,4,16,22,3,2,1,3,6,2,5,1,2,26,33,0,0,15,1,1,7,15,11,0,1,24,7,76,8,53,51,15,57,0,2,0,3,74,22,1,15,28,289,102,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977696927215978,0.09030864200936747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38634644829540404,0.4332749454779341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051776782440875,0.0,0.0,0.04191842978306497,0.0,0.19048423257453076,0.0,0.04785883655974492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505137704028599,0.16683647755054154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402876180413673,0.11652121652552334,0.0,0.0,0.0538866731071184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272599682232418,0.0,0.032851419814433215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04255297080973915,0.0572994819827715,0.04511680551594944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046077212207894735,0.0,0.048674366169308037,0.045780659219963785,0.0,0.04802072489148497,0.0,0.05151254479426775,0.036390808396775165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039355319754312015,0.0,0.053227015941930966,0.0,0.0,0.04272518896431765,0.04074054549015738,0.0,0.0,0.05043758621171203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03414331601467288,0.0,0.0,0.050593888185236975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109813001054484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796834545968128,0.04152205705958631,0.0,0.05393701133417065,0.0,0.0,0.07195939805604601,0.024886206382183453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121180024091662,0.0,0.04597440675250286,0.0,0.034002156201222884,0.0,0.051175039286674315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540381944567073,0.0,0.0,0.16263599075974472,0.0,0.03744600205717318,0.03777059878643253,0.0,0.04919717201151448,0.0,0.047802770083931564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053451877294727036,0.0,0.034517562533935474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656169493453981,0.0,0.0,0.035314666091862616,0.044477941413825495,0.05322037899209377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051823242604314285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095275207937505,0.0,0.06526561360172423,0.0,0.0,0.05468938747315373,0.0,0.0,0.19381849112493305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046372922670068574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725753347211815,0.0,0.0,0.04316042166586054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210972643224538,0.0542941614660538,0.08135985012697322,0.0,0.0,0.053252468627613056,0.0,0.2228758498638805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689775719741585,0.0,0.0,0.033841586406385134,0.0979189002064908,0.0,0.08087970015126547,0.029702921456276975,0.0,0.0,0.09734873233861607,0.0,0.034584215055651436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610207584635776,0.0,0.1502256133990257,0.040432981206277134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722093299626287,0.04596449491291785,0.0,0.0,0.0491033466883436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237116167846545,0.0,0.4332749454779341,0.06560604964627396
suicidewatch,decredent,2019/02/02,"I tried to do something to distract myself but it just made me feel worse. I have been contemplating again a lot lately but I'm still trying my best not to give into it because of my mom. 

About a week ago, a friend(#1) recommended me an app he used before. It is an app where you chat with people with mental health problems or with people willing to help. So I downloaded it yesterday to help distract myself from my suicidal thoughts. 

The first person I encountered is a girl and she was really nice, gave some advices and encouraging words.

The 2nd one is a guy. He was really nice at first and very encouraging as well. He told me I should try to do some activities. I said I can try but I don't know if I can commit. This is not the exact sentence but he said smth like ""if you don't do it, be ready for some beating"". I just ignored it, thinking he might just be joking. Then later on when I wasn't able to reply for just a few minutes, he bombarded me with ""hey"", ""are you there?"" messages. Thinking maybe he was just worried, I still replied but when he kept doing it a few more times, I just told him I'll take a rest. He then told me nice messages like ""come here if you need someone"". I said okay then he said ""good girl"". 

The 3rd one was an old guy. He was also nice. But then he started telling me about his experiences as he also have depression. And what he experienced was really horrible and nothing compared to mine. He then told me he was just putting mine into perspective. At first it was okay but then it became like your experience is nothing compared to mine. But he was nice and all but I don’t know what to think about it.

The last one was also a guy. He was asking about what I do to keep distracted. I said youtube. He followed it with ""have you ever tried watching porn videos on youtube?"" I immediately blocked him.

I think life just keeps telling me to just quit it and join the other side because this experience just made me feel worse.

Today, I told another friend(#2) about my suicidal thoughts. He suggested for me to do an activity at the same time with him so he could encourage me in doing it too. I said I can try but I don’t know if I will be able to commit. Then later on he told me to not be “lazy” and just give up. 

I told my best friend(#3) about this just a few minutes ago, and this is the exact things he said. “Why do u feel worst? Because I can't understand how did that make you feel sad. Just because they have worst problems? And you wanna kill yourself even if you have less problems than them?” 

I really don’t know what to feel and think right now. I feel so confused. I keep having suicidal thoughts. I just wanted someone to talk to about whatever. I am so confused right now. 

I don’t know where else to go. I’m sorry if this should not belong here. 

And I just wanna say thank you for your time if you ever reached to this point.",2.1469565772669235,4.173183624137934,3.3285440613026838,90.32901021711369,78.27586206896551,6.4342273307790565,23.67177522349936,7.457515093567415,0.9316621966794378,2242,75,479,31,54,724,226,580,0.14400000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.149,-0.619,1,0,1,0,0,0,78.0,0,12,2,7,47,33,1,5,22,2,56,3,0,5,7,115,112,49,4,17,37,1,6,3,0,5,2,8,0,6,26,21,0,6,20,3,0,4,12,14,1,6,35,16,74,19,54,67,16,53,0,2,1,1,81,16,0,15,36,335,100,0,0.11492690167073008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615261909933123,0.10187576403865388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378605026162054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060255438531457324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372056953539965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011674509108374,0.0,0.048897164277755915,0.0,0.12060869287706193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949967473300139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587988964848826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049493186002480566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800333962398684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379540673260465,0.10395796225046887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863084386610855,0.0,0.0,0.17433148395522527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663514577603212,0.0,0.0,0.1331883587134502,0.0,0.0,0.11024835633531467,0.03265780335548212,0.048197616225745414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069355215364598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108096112588938,0.0,0.0,0.07703307963477524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322846616565608,0.06357479443078065,0.0,0.15790204890024645,0.04684038197543886,0.06482127547403352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04058813472115379,0.08422121846142643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885337098777935,0.0,0.10874661317707464,0.03835729964361466,0.0,0.057729759976872325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790964289417026,0.06095964046248607,0.0,0.06730049911281641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042608420677681474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027546174874417,0.0,0.060298225258839024,0.0,0.1168161643555198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967584297204397,0.05017486880081693,0.0,0.0,0.05432153486816215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495428552268404,0.0,0.05776663960116124,0.0,0.06111945327938598,0.0,0.0,0.14725023216355165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814694607688128,0.3826263051958645,0.04569724251831599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737719083371718,0.04423817186326589,0.0,0.06432562860817881,0.04067292626402967,0.0,0.09178077213137603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856706555524286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043205363613500865,0.04618694510463544,0.1004511776684596,0.05290462507110267,0.0,0.0,0.038176163373965864,0.18410129511426332,0.0,0.13685868370060394,0.10052220087279563,0.0,0.054468632366979616,0.3843615287069396,0.0,0.2340834667034067,0.0,0.0,0.059821478877053434,0.0,0.04962997156036406,0.0,0.04741336499858962,0.03389343212937186,0.0,0.046093714118208035,0.0,0.051666543384007335,0.0,0.05185182651089587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835692366559505,0.11712033128236872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,javentan,2019/02/02,I feel like suicide is my only option now Im 15 turning 16 soon left school at 13. 2 years without education going to army in 2 years cant go back school because i dont know anything i feel like its over for me life just hates me. I have a girl i like she knows i like her but i dont want to tell her because if she knows im in this state she wount want me. I wanna buy things i want do stuff i want but i dont have the oppotunity to do it. I tried getting a job my parents dont really want me to go. My dad is getting old and mentally unstable my mom has high colestrol and high blood pressure. I cant think of anymore reason to live i wanna do what i want but i cant i really just wanna sleep forever not thinking about anything even if i dont kill myself im most likely gonna die in a few years anyways im 150 kgs (350pounds) i get dizzy just by standing up i spend 13 hours a day on the internet im just wasting my life i dont wanna do anything anymore i really just.. gave up.. i really cant think of anything to motivate me i cant get myself to tell the girl i liked since i was 10 that i like her i want to cook but i cant have my own space to do so i guess my life is done for i dont know what to do i just dont my life is so empty now i feel holo inside sad everytime i cant even bring myself to pee because i lm just too depressed. Bye i guess prob gonna kill myself soon i dont even think my parents care about me anymore they just care about my sis. She is much smarter way more accomplished than me. All i can say is. Fuck life,-0.9801923076923096,0.8792257635327658,1.9855263532763558,96.45658012820515,89.08547008547008,4.9914814814814825,18.746509971509973,6.385866456164764,-0.16477156695156658,1197,35,297,13,40,421,150,351,0.139,0.732,0.129,0.3243,3,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,2,23,16,4,1,7,0,35,10,3,2,1,47,71,10,4,13,16,5,3,7,0,2,5,1,0,2,8,2,1,0,13,1,2,4,18,7,0,0,3,4,67,9,33,66,6,30,0,2,0,1,20,12,1,6,19,185,75,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289246719430287,0.0,0.0,0.19128268615762867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468402423514199,0.0,0.10627237854007196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849674362955885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037476999130913465,0.0,0.050051201656548784,0.0,0.060310383870337575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946806436793964,0.6129543926472255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514595225251655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814850046318559,0.08302948867129269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372298634415852,0.12144308169721528,0.0,0.09907802063843058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803235864596388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057372905576337375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279561713431213,0.0,0.0,0.05722795244611185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31385103097923456,0.0,0.0576665263167338,0.0,0.12858314904880674,0.0,0.12774586450898284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313812790535807,0.0,0.20522874761889653,0.19873181681570484,0.0,0.05131336727443269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856255069555584,0.0,0.0,0.06805928501982335,0.0,0.0,0.042718512456386984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097806336029561,0.0,0.0,0.044196283542063945,0.0,0.0,0.12905150546786578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891041897408192,0.059748123613816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462124604449149,0.0,0.11762353270702375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807029102894606,0.0,0.0581532953078603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665235675485952,0.06356436098372603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158372406799383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860658417520243,0.14894157020376855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039453777185439305,0.06320843777800292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23992896807619185,0.04612606730812106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601724648611648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226536993520636
suicidewatch,20aliens,2019/02/02,"17M I might die I’m going to do it at a shooting range
It’s okay because I’ll just be reborn ",-4.103749999999998,-2.8474705416666635,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,108.58333333333331,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,73,2,20,0,4,28,21,24,0.179,0.7340000000000001,0.087,-0.4588,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35814348992333384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6097474712056261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338981264333297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.623260221053928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pietpiet12,2019/02/02,"How do i stop this? I was suicidal when i was around 14/15, I thought everything out but just could not do it. The thoughts and everything seemed to dissapear when I turned 16 but eveytime I feel sad or depressed it is like I am back in the middle of that book that I tried to close. How do I get rid of those thoughts once and for all?",2.0321904761904754,3.670585742857142,2.782857142857144,95.8904761904762,77.28571428571428,6.9523809523809526,24.523809523809533,7.793537801064563,0.9059523809523812,262,9,63,4,6,82,48,70,0.183,0.772,0.045,-0.8767,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,1,20,15,9,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,9,1,8,9,1,9,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019886057317552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815634329171901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852440071540996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337174527012855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424422900544386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939050271731225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336412842404725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535740284476476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514624867624947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495682545532585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974087712709564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25827941392790543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623640668064761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031150618042608,0.2568332004278431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,187277,2019/02/02,"Easy way to kill myself at home Hi,

Im looking a for an easy way to kill myself at home. I have some very sharp knives, but I think slitting my wrists or throat would be really painful. I think I also have sleeping pills at home so that might also be a possibility. Does anyone know any other good ways?",1.7410215053763451,3.81211546774194,3.0948387096774184,91.2789247311828,79.80645161290323,5.423655913978496,18.397849462365595,6.42735559955562,-0.166944086021505,237,5,51,2,6,77,44,62,0.15,0.7340000000000001,0.116,-0.5006,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,6,5,3,0,0,8,10,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,6,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721308392635003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570488062356447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189697987591723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488956101574703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271010374733414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120098973922866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837865056218112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764819183769428,0.0,0.0935076028446147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287949876203712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049765312157884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810469741453456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181366228609645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899966406250672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026853315852344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804493236942252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403879852951026,0.0,0.4051611063146511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086659230547235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CuriouslyPotato,2019/02/02,"I think I just lost my only friend... Yesterday I lost my only friend. I guess they decided that I was too overbearing and clingy - they didn’t say that, but I know deep down that’s why. We were fine a week ago then yesterday he suddenly told me he needed a break from everything for a while. I told him I was worried about him and he ignored me. I’m all alone now. I have no friends, no boyfriend, and my parents don’t even love me. I don’t blame them. I’m hotheaded and cold most of the time and just an overall horrible person. In high school I never got asked to prom or got to go to any school events because I didn’t have anyone to go with and going alone would be too awkward. I wasted all those years and am wasting my college years alone at home because I don’t have the social skills to make friends and I’m not exactly the kind of person looks wise anyone would want to be friends with. I’m so alone, Nobody will ever love me especially with the way I look - I have a huge forehead, scared skin, and a terrible body (5’3 and 110lbs)- no guy in their right mind would want a girl like me. No matter how much I want it I’ll never get married or have kids or have a good job. That friend was the only source of hope left in my life and I clearly ruined it by wanting to talk to them more than once or twice a week. I’m so stupid and I wish I knew how to leave people alone and speak only when spoken to. I was such a burden that they abandoned me without even telling me why. I hate myself for that. I have nothing left to live for and I wish I would just fall asleep tonight and never wake up, but I’ll have to get up in the morning and live another day wishing for some happiness that will never come because I’m a unlovable, ugly, bitter person. I have no future or destiny other than suffering. I really wish I had never been born. It would have been so much easier for everyone in my life if I never was put on this earth. I have nobody and nothing left and I feel so empty and worthless. I figure I’ll probably be dead by the time I’m twenty. 


(Please do not give me ‘it’ll get better’ type comments because it won’t. People have been telling me that for years and it’s only gotten worse. I don’t want phony positivity. Just because your life got better doesn’t mean that mine ever will.) 



Tldr: my only friend abandoned me and they were my only sense of hope that my life might have meaning or purpose
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suicidewatch,PMmeSTUFFyouGOTpmd,2019/02/02,"I don't want to die, but I don't really want to live. Not sure if this is the correct sub so please redirect me if it's not.

I'm not depressed. I don't have depression (as far as I know/can tell). My life is good, I have nothing to complain about. I have a happy marriage and about 3 years ago I left a job I hated to pursue my dream career. Some nights though, I just wish I would not wake up the next morning. I'm just a boring piece of shit and I truly believe my wife would be better off without me. I know how I would do it. I'd leave my phone and wallet and everything behind. I have a 9mm handgun under my bed and I'd wait until my wife went to work then drive to the next state and park on the side of the road, then walk away from the freeway away from civilization until I can't see city lights anymore then shoot myself in the head. I don't have any real close relationships other than my wife and I feel like a burden to her. She works with mentally unstable people every night, she doesn't need my shit on top of it. The world's overpopulated anyway, it's ok if I go. I'm not adding anything to the world but I won't be taking anything of value away from it either.

Thoughts? The fact that I'm posting here shows that I don't really want to die, I'm just looking for reasons not to.",1.2005376344086045,2.8334881505376366,3.184622222222224,92.10760000000003,79.68100358422939,5.897691756272402,20.12057347670251,6.742157984588678,0.13926741218637995,1010,25,231,10,25,341,150,279,0.133,0.691,0.177,0.9335,1,0,0,2,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,4,10,14,3,0,15,1,21,5,4,2,3,44,41,22,2,11,16,3,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,9,0,1,4,2,0,4,15,8,0,0,2,4,34,6,37,33,3,34,0,2,2,0,11,17,2,4,12,148,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190673157181077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817799096403279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401125054576908,0.0,0.0,0.1892075919543337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32403128884125154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295226219781471,0.0,0.10167440202475077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980329224789835,0.0,0.2386244721081457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686030543367373,0.0,0.10332028577786538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812815870252825,0.08212875889744183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533546092492347,0.0964245340482472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237901255866475,0.0,0.11350101282639508,0.1179840106410566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140818837285579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636003755170638,0.0,0.0,0.12172798557300644,0.12490637162668355,0.0,0.08120094487752251,0.05616454632031325,0.0,0.10151340774316613,0.0,0.09653898870095874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158544917826877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524274501738797,0.0,0.0,0.2445264344583955,0.2157677914734628,0.0,0.11030898256746216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970006231736446,0.0,0.0,0.126193573979985,0.0,0.0,0.11010166088824568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308517381766862,0.14729499233286095,0.11819991469007435,0.0,0.12342598903159972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160969945481216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601334604534574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835017029327222,0.0,0.08643699379870072,0.0,0.10048171216510317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129494205737546,0.09126685674299713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342240900857086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657077409981368,0.0,0.0,0.1322004383249108,0.11081910787070738,0.0,0.16738717218187565,0.0,0.0,0.2449967704954249,0.0,0.0,0.07403165347228056
suicidewatch,curiousLana,2019/02/02,"To note or not to note I have been in a bad state recently. I just want out. But I also feel completely trapped by my current circumstances. I have made a lot of poor financial decisions in my past. I'm not running away from my debts, in fact quite the opposite. It will take me a few months to finish fixing my debts. I just can't leave that burden with people I leave behind. This situation is giving lots of time to plan. Who knows, maybe in the next few months a miracle will somehow even restore my hope for a future. But as of now, I can only think of one thing. Do I leave a note? Do the people I leave deserve an explanation? Or do I just go? My plan should leave no evidence so my minuscule life insurance can pay for funeral arrangements. Is it kinder to relief the financial or emotional burden left in my wake? ",2.5033130081300854,4.54636059146342,4.14351219512195,84.82913008130083,77.23170731707316,8.275772357723577,24.347967479674807,9.029198982220553,1.9687240650406503,643,22,131,16,15,215,101,164,0.095,0.721,0.185,0.8631,3,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,11,0,14,2,1,1,1,24,24,8,1,3,10,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,4,2,4,3,0,1,2,1,19,2,23,19,4,21,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,7,10,94,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750169514117716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629914587366273,0.0,0.11224142259070416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409447705040976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151212945270685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878815536625098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797062859199479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895519348536405,0.07639829727174223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351692860828462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387788786886162,0.0,0.0,0.7116970398956274,0.14605596984515729,0.0,0.09495018230035672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285710596530092,0.0,0.12719863596402406,0.0,0.0,0.1350505824329748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459763961907455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429652669935118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109161398511076,0.1022382397204386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832634543658694,0.18639032976273506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298028896487475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273102764183656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511022434348897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107281794639933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930771755808388,0.08613577171222205,0.0,0.0,0.07838580875648989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928887547008574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fluffeh_Panda,2019/02/02,"My last attempt, October 30, 2018 Y’know it’s kinda strange and a little scary knowing how close I was to death. Just having everything end, and that’s it. No thoughts of the future, god or no god (I’m a Christian), not even life flashing before my eyes. Just seeing the forest kind of fading out and everything turning really slow. I couldn’t even tell what was happening when I suddenly stood up. It’s like I couldn’t see, but could at the same time. I had this weird feeling in my body and head. I couldn’t really walk or really see anything for a few seconds. It was either blurry, or kind of pixelated. I can’t really describe it. I was slouched limp against a dead tree, with a skinny rope and towel around my neck. At first I couldn’t do it the first couple of times. But then I just hung. Y’know you’re doing it right when you’re not gagging, but you feel a ton of pressure on your head. Just not being able to breathe, without small gasps of air or gagging is just really strange and weird. I was just slouching there, waiting for it to happen. I was thinking “Yup this is happening, and I’m completely comfortable with it happening”.  Then next thing I know my legs spring up. That’s when everything kinda went weird, it’s hard to describe really. It’s like pixelating a image a lot, and then blurring it out, well that’s the best way I can describe it. I think once I sprung up I was trying to get the noose off of my neck as fast as I could. I couldn’t really remember that much, for a few seconds, like I was drugged or something. The strange feelings only hit me once i stood up, I guess it was my body going revival mode or something. This was my second time of course, first time I was no where close. The weird and scary thing is that I was a few seconds away from ending, maybe even milliseconds. I was on the verge of blacking out, and if I did that would’ve been it. No one knew I was out in the forest, and it would probably take them a bit to find me, even though I was by the chicken coop. It’s just, I don’t know. I’m not sure what to think of it, it seems real but not at the same time. Just going through that it feels kinda foreign I guess, well that’s the best way of describing it. I haven’t really told anyone I tried a second time except like maybe two people. And I don’t talk about this bit but I choose hanging (well slouching) because it’s the safest option (Ironic). You have the ability to stop yourself, or if anyone finds you after you black out, you still have a bit to go before you actually die. These thoughts don’t really come anymore, but sometimes they come back from time to time, more likely if I’m feeling pretty low

So yeah, I don’t know, it’s just weird I guess.

02/03/2019",2.02655100334448,4.0685882409420335,3.1717391304347835,91.22994983277592,78.72826086956522,6.202675585284282,22.209587513935343,7.24557181361754,0.6843669453734669,2127,64,450,27,52,684,232,552,0.107,0.794,0.099,0.3259,1,0,3,0,1,0,74.0,0,7,2,6,28,21,0,1,28,2,42,12,10,1,1,101,86,39,3,11,33,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,40,24,1,2,20,0,0,8,21,7,3,10,25,13,55,14,56,51,15,69,1,1,6,0,12,28,0,20,36,309,95,0,0.06394334460747507,0.0,0.06239948039854419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341461576136499,0.08942134661272498,0.0,0.052619924285895237,0.0569231334769624,0.0,0.0,0.06007687714491197,0.049168485016039334,0.0,0.03897926937204968,0.0,0.10882215322218748,0.0,0.13420919034936865,0.0,0.20942871339092095,0.142053281727462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101630588973356,0.06704338024789623,0.0,0.0,0.10210711510352602,0.07075209458631898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636309635039858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415397907633732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326964786404442,0.0,0.0,0.16893590419676605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240446512761012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616583815803635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168861170797426,0.16317052877293667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03340775839318378,0.0,0.10902142894614847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113224093646445,0.0,0.2261795538410067,0.0,0.057280677015432525,0.0,0.1312486384452706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133174307083418,0.2108495396000322,0.05212236025960943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516507532562065,0.15619744136058955,0.06408802981606064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054362344949633164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847936845575345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700571570202216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800447241147813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361951502439025,0.04332966517279062,0.048631794971447054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433026393288753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505336951314619,0.06894174050456975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278152514299581,0.3686736952661812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724353444301999,0.05460726691428455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286370063826896,0.05821161938657585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845342133600557,0.06324160284388079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051065237602515086,0.053459499285286864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026584555414561,0.0,0.04807743729739755,0.051395238264643914,0.05588930160393327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496223373032864,0.12291693991613395,0.06282401141875084,0.10152774615486372,0.2982870276749966,0.0,0.0,0.06110060600427525,0.0,0.08682666727419755,0.06955199713929963,0.06246335635013619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151050126342613,0.0,0.0,0.17247823826727487,0.05927612107208576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163910237803244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084703476993387,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LaMagra16,2019/02/02,"I'm so scared. I feel like my end is near but... I can't do that to my parents. They have already lost two children. At this point, I'm only staying alive for them. I've tried therapy. Many times. NOTHING works. I don't even know how to properly describe what I feel. I don't know how to define what I feel. I just know it's something miserable, weighing me down. I wake up with a heartache every morning. Then I'm trying to kill the day as best as I can. Then my mother keeps screaming at me ''come on why won't you move you're so lazy you need to change your life blah blah blah''  she just doesn't get it. And when I tell her that I'm feeling sad and suicidal she says ''you're always telling me the same it's getting kinda boring''.  My father won't even talk to me. Everyone I know around me is doing something productive with their life. I don't know what the fuck am I doing. I can't get any rest, I can't get any peace... to wake up is to suffer.",-0.279411764705884,1.816628411764708,1.665196078431375,98.2633823529412,88.41176470588232,4.576470588235295,18.794117647058822,5.985473137389443,-0.3226235294117643,732,21,173,6,24,241,114,204,0.182,0.764,0.055,-0.9766,1,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,3,3,10,11,2,2,4,0,18,6,2,2,0,24,40,12,2,1,3,3,4,4,0,2,2,2,0,1,9,6,1,1,9,0,0,2,9,9,0,1,1,6,33,2,21,37,3,18,0,4,0,1,17,9,1,1,7,103,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460887352542831,0.0,0.11015386634049427,0.0,0.0,0.18005094869754482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784958447777852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892855461104706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004443026610527,0.11403685920686638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537655242140374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172526890154806,0.0,0.0,0.17487640697981033,0.0,0.11153900010356113,0.1264983248305984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677487612913139,0.09457496139571762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238662289433445,0.2766601347808179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176687396894975,0.1464629802259069,0.0,0.3637731725721445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701308360637345,0.06467600230857833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451247688502858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342163212631745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070295165584767,0.0,0.09816085653201782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702575696956714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006837902223543,0.0,0.0,0.14699646285913506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251454127138237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052768536220087,0.13253920578099038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383092226571975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110343932672662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480631116442966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640502557850272,0.2314184258125017,0.0,0.15139232978163447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719401612183932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797597221873906,0.0,0.12931966568442993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194557231201297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637693032112976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minamajef,2019/02/02,"My friend wants to die and I don't know how to help I'm 17 and I've always had those sort of friendship groups where people joke about killing themselves, as is common with the youth of today. I've always had a very supportive family etc. so my mental health has always been good, and I always thought I'd know how to deal with it if it started to deteriorate.

Today however one of my best friends, who is the sweetest person in the world, told me they wish that they were dead and that they didn't want me telling anyone.

They aren't going to a therapist anymore because the drugs were awful and they said that the only physical thing which is real to them is pain. I know they're self harming but don't want to bring it up in case it exacerbates things

I want to help them and I know that their struggle has been going on for a long time, but I don't know what to do and want to stop them before they act on their suicidal tendencies",6.4212500000000015,5.442614458333335,6.525083333333331,82.47825000000002,65.875,9.555,29.61666666666667,8.548686976883017,1.9023754166666669,744,20,158,9,10,238,109,192,0.149,0.746,0.105,-0.8385,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,11,1,5,10,1,1,8,1,18,3,0,2,0,29,38,14,4,7,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,14,9,0,1,6,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,10,1,22,6,23,28,2,19,0,0,0,0,23,7,0,2,8,102,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984308645485225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871944543244213,0.08370351654919803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297366999156138,0.0,0.10186378586538214,0.0,0.1256275107790005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341501803639447,0.0,0.0,0.12423933980057375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882476723788933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350749824621053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285126152439393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849741957043028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606709251848914,0.10040647000616862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724537376515688,0.0,0.0,0.16047722284863347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324405891831799,0.0,0.32894546615245945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059389515827663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063880493773355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111811068042618,0.09104430674342932,0.12737912104258986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299134650268701,0.10452553163037176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625537581460884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387094467873025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488289351767122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473084917446545,0.0,0.0,0.1000823237994288,0.0,0.12514613799551302,0.0,0.13094252990400118,0.13584467978025325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463119286244864,0.0,0.0,0.138991708300067,0.15905906154384356,0.0,0.0,0.09503580187940362,0.06980344767546863,0.0,0.22694081285749654,0.11438735334627788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877269839082768,0.3530381938978618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765977172190225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kokokoloko,2019/02/02,"Fuck you Fuck you, fuck this place, fuck all the people I've ever had the displease to meet, fuck everyone and everything. And the biggest fuck you one can give is to kill themselves.",3.9161904761904758,6.0225261428571475,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,73.28571428571428,6.9523809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.4182380952380949,145,5,28,2,3,44,24,35,0.488,0.512,0.0,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,1,7,7,0,3,0,3,6,0,0,2,4,10,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,9,1,3,0,0,0,6,5,2,6,0,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477474919771495,0.0,0.1560753175050053,0.14679658895794254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9060134694516452,0.0,0.15668754745211794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807079751617261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068124674173732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323717506045668,0.0,0.17065219750443095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dunfracow,2019/02/02,There will never be anyone else like her. She has given up on me entirely. I love her more than anything else that I've ever experienced and she just gave up on me. She says its not my fault. I told her I will wait however long it takes for her to figure herself out. She says she doesn't want me to wait because she won't promise a continued interest in me. I'm certain she hates me. She threatened a welfare check from the police tonight. Why should she care? She gave up on me. I'm useless shit and this always happens to me. I don't know what is so wrong with me. I want to hurt myself. I want the pain and the agony and everything with it. I deserve it. I don't want to be told there are others out there or that I will get over her because I won't. She was it. No one else will ever be like her and no one else will ever make me feel how she made me feel. So I think I should just die. Part of me just once you all to reaffirm and tell me this is the right thing to do. The other part doesn't care and will do it anyway.,0.6074161862054268,2.2956494170403623,2.3621909032671367,97.04052316890885,81.73542600896859,5.32385223147555,19.13922699124493,6.18269132825596,-0.28922617979927434,792,19,192,6,21,261,109,223,0.181,0.7340000000000001,0.084,-0.9594,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,0,13,15,2,0,7,0,24,3,1,3,6,38,50,11,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,10,1,2,0,0,14,11,0,2,5,0,1,0,10,7,0,2,7,5,46,8,23,30,4,18,0,2,0,1,28,11,1,1,9,145,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362891577395728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708265787882519,0.12760799044006246,0.10248744931215842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183928704601876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253957726134868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925492702072305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161554200874957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379660909323947,0.0,0.0,0.11193031360107816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259443483657319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506805153028368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013207389743587,0.0,0.0,0.12295943496528786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332478030621353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844502279162548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168985471857302,0.0,0.0,0.11021574549142228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112404011936708,0.11784464592538507,0.08313274801110943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605446346424716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263315889001834,0.16878575647435948,0.0,0.13252146237055068,0.0,0.0,0.2697336857248833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635818230269478,0.0,0.19808158459403585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278405670193894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364007996864936,0.0,0.10885519207712774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827401667814531,0.07980148090430418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238010424598192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938323790905093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123797782246554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616711939733386,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dannyanddilbert,2019/02/02,"My cat saved me from dying last night. I'll keep this short and sweet as only just got home from hospital. 
I finally thought I had a shot of happiness but it like it always does shit goes badly wrong in seconds. 
So I took my tablets drank the booze and did what I had to do. That's the last I remember until my cat dug her claws into me so hard the shock bought me around. I needed help and went to the emergency room. After hours of tests I was sent home and now I'm sat here thinking of doing it again. But making sure my cat is with someone who Will look after her. 
I can't go on anymore but I refuse to go on a hold. I have no one to talk to. People make me think I can talk to them or trust the. Throw it in my face. 
So basically my cat saved my life....I love her and resent her at the same time. 
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suicidewatch,DepressiveDoomgaze,2019/02/02,"I feel embarrassed to exist that's it. I'm just an embarrassment. only reason I'm still standing is because I'm a coward who can't go through with. but it'll come. I knew it when I was 10, I knew it at 15, I know it now. dread it, run from it, yadda yadda I know what my inevitable end is idk why I keep running away as if it'll make any difference. I can run as long as I like I'm just gonna die tired (as if I'm not already ha).",-0.9812000000000012,0.5263792800000004,2.2340000000000018,96.85700000000001,86.2,5.2,19.0,6.2581,-0.26739999999999986,328,9,86,3,10,118,65,100,0.214,0.752,0.034,-0.9455,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,2,1,7,1,0,2,0,16,22,8,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,6,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,3,1,10,2,10,16,0,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,47,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841482567951601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510303966171886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419217264004277,0.0,0.0,0.15696441939829114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180611460305025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723550892368664,0.26902379771350216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22806102832160036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019543164564382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633834490473074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228870263021008,0.0,0.0,0.2830211725094369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257973332473181,0.0,0.0,0.22787186157384595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187756579222396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958338774677891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647441318811836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563303265663765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29594858365304244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323460151099843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wshuff99,2019/02/02,"About killing myself I graduated from high school last year. I felt very lonely after that. I had no immediate friends, no family I really talked to besides my mom, I do have a girlfriend. 

I was very melancholy most if the summer and I didn't know which way to go. I wanted to run away from my home. I had applied to my dream college late and went for a campus tour with my mom and was told by admissions that I was on a hold list, that I guess if they didn't have a certain amount of students sign up I'd be admitted. I was stoked and refused to sign up for classes at another college. 

In mid summer I messaged the admission office asking about my status. They called me and told me that I was wrong, I wasn't on a list and I wasn't accepted. If I wanted to go to college there u had to go to another college and try to make myself better academicly. I then started to question going to college all together. I didn't want to unless it was that college. I was offered jobs by my mom's friends out of town, I could go work all over the place. None of them meant it, they were just being kind and never really planned on helping (or my mom had such fear of me leaving she didn't tell them I was interested, she has done things like that before) so that fell apart. 

I did sign up eventually for the local University. I got in, and just at the last second did they sign me up for classes. The advisor I was assigned was out of town during the week we registered for classes, I was deferred until the day before class started. At that time the advisor I was given in the mean time gave me a six class load for my first semester and said that should be good. I didn't know how that was an absurd number of classes. 

Less than a month into college I was doing good. I loved college, I was having fun. I was learning (my utmost passion is learning). I was persuing my degree in physics. And then I was told that a friend of mine that I had been friends with since middle school had killed himself at his own University. This information was passed through the grapevine to me. I wasn't told where or when a service would be held, and I ended up missing it. I think about him a lot. No one I knew really cared. It passed so quickly. My girlfriend was sad, then proceeded to tell me about work, when I was sad she said what's wrong, said oh yeah I'm sorry, then went back to what she was talking about. 

I love my girlfriend, she's my world truly. But I don't feel like she really loves me. I think she loves having someone who loves her, but I don't know if she loves me. She guilts me a lot, any complaint I have with her is me hating her and she'll get upset and cry and talk about how I hate her and she's gonna kill herself. 

She smokes a lot of pot and refuses to admit she has an addiction to it. She smokes it to repress her self and her thoughts. She's so strung up when she goes without she gets really bitchy and mean and sad and says this is why she needs pot because she's terrible but I think that's her addiction and withdraw hitting her so hard and she can't see it. Recently she's started mixing in tobacco to get her higher and when I've made comments about how it could make her seek higher highs she gets defensive and says I'm comparing her to her family members who are addicts or my brother was an addict.  She spends all of her money on pot, as well as a decent amount of her grandparents. She tells me about how they expect her to pay some of her own bills(like her gas money and insurance, and other things that come up with her car) and they still buy food and pay her phone bill and she lives with them, and how that isn't possible at her job at fast food, but she spends 100$ off of her paycheck buying pot, then still ask them for money (typically disguised as a payment for school or something). She even has her little brother in on getting her money because he also smokes now. 

I can't argue with her. I do love her. I've tried to leave before but the fear if her killing herself weighs so heavy on me. I want to spend my life with her but the thought of living with her when she sad and miserable and hateful and on drugs makes me sick. I'm so filled with self doubt and anxiety I'm constantly worried about if she hates me or is cheating. And a lot of the time when I bring it up she ignores me because I'm ""being dumb"" but that makes me feel more vindicated in my fears. She constantly says how terrible she is and what a bad girlfriend she is but then she'll say it's because she's ugly and mean or something and I'm always afraid she just holding back from telling me. She barely lets me touch her now because of her own self image issues of witch my word means nothing, anything I say I'm a lying asshole who secretly hates her. That's got me at wits end. 

Back to my college life. September was my birthday, I turned 19. I skipped class to celebrate. Then I skipped again, and again. And started only going to my lab once a week. Three weeks before the end of the semester I stopped going to that. I guess it was my internal fear and anxiety that had me. I had A's and B's before I stopped going. I failed every class. I had a part time job, but that fell away fast enough. 

My mom moved out of our house and moved in with her fiance recently. She still pays our bills, and for the house. My 28 year old brother barely works and pays no bills, except for his car payment. But I hear from mom that she's paying that this month so I don't know. I feel shitty that she pays for everything. That I can't do anything. 

I've contemplated killing myself twice in the last six months. Once I stopped in the side if the road and held my hand gun crying because I had gotten into a huge fight with my mom. My girlfriend managed to calm me down and get new back home, but she I guess didn't pick up that I was going to kill myself. The next time was when my mom found out I skipped my classes and failed. I sat in the bathtub crying and holding my handgun in my mouth. I texted my girlfriend telling her I was sorry and that if anything happened to me it wasn't her fault. She told me not to, and when I asked if she could come over she said she was with her friend getting high, and couldn't bring her friend because she didn't like me being around girls. She came by a few hours later when I calmed down and fell asleep exhausted in my bed. She tried to tell me some mundane things I think. I told her how earlier I had been sitting in the tub with a gun. She said she knew and she was sorry and she should have come by then, and she started crying and left. I was alone then. 

She should have come by, but she didn't. No one did. I've been alone so long. Ive wanted to kill myself so many times. So many days. Just get over my useless life with nothing to do and nothing to live for. I can't get back into University because my mom won't let me take student loans out. She won't pay my remaining balance to get back in, where I could then take classes with the money from my FAFSA. I can't get a job to save my life. No place will hire me, or the job wouldn't pay enough to be worth it after taxes and gas. I can't pay my own college fees. I don't know how to get loans or anything. 

If I don't do something soon I'm gonna snap and kill myself. 

All I can think about us when I was in middle school I tried to kill myself. I told a girl at school about it. Her father called the school and made it seem like I was harassing her and making claims like I was gonna kill myself unless she liked me. The school broke the law, they took my bag and searched it without my parents, I had a pocket knife in it. My mom had been out of town with her then boyfriend now fiance for a week. The school threatened legal action against me, but they just suspended me for a month. My mom sent me to my dad's because she was mad at me getting suspended and really didn't seem to care that much about the suicide attempt. My wasn't home but once while I was there, it was just my adult sister and her friends really. But my dad took me out to dinner, McDonald's. He didn't say much really, just made trivial small talk for a while. I knew what it was about though. He asked me how I was, then he said he knew what happened. He asked me if I remember his friend Tony who we saw on labor day for fireworks at the Ohio River. Tony killed himself because he was abused and abandoned as a child. He fought in desert Storm and suffered PTSD from it. His wife was petty and controlling of his. He didn't have any say in his life, except to kill himself. My dad told me that it broke his heart that after all he had been through he killed himself. That suicide was chicken shit. It was a waste. That you had to keep fighting. That killing yourself is pointless and retarded and it was just a useless terrible thing. 

I try to keep that in mind. That life us slow and long and that I can change it but it will take a while. I'm trying to hold on. 

Please someone just tell me it will all be okay. I'm sick if people I know telling me. I want a stranger to tell me. I want someone to show me some compassion or I'm going to kill myself. Please",2.408565323565324,3.9542865846560886,3.4136243386243414,92.16740842490843,76.01058201058201,6.348799348799349,23.596866096866087,6.983100893177812,0.6417452177452176,7135,217,1575,71,156,2287,548,1890,0.197,0.732,0.071,-0.9998,7,4,8,3,4,11,175.0,6,1,12,10,77,101,30,10,68,2,152,31,5,19,8,281,311,163,17,31,53,21,7,6,14,15,14,14,4,7,79,107,4,18,38,2,27,34,43,64,1,8,127,23,332,37,212,153,29,223,0,15,2,8,256,89,2,36,104,1071,411,61,0.0,0.029437040610924607,0.0,0.10833805309259577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051463466683789184,0.0,0.019868387885296483,0.02067287459402178,0.0,0.0,0.03379064944895779,0.052103905131167284,0.03801242770248505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178065634548934,0.02211715087090932,0.11613273120580846,0.0,0.046685039087135186,0.11462476516341805,0.020744380987676118,0.15145167331456652,0.0,0.10570552927688052,0.0,0.0,0.02197321800154335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050738663537606525,0.028415847202970513,0.05066188510570548,0.0,0.026282517724192957,0.08560642554996815,0.0,0.053696832887239726,0.02786557024412446,0.07934624578079356,0.0,0.10916344131195907,0.0480685468457889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025424869512749432,0.0,0.0,0.028812095236699618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660153896460496,0.051342666287779434,0.0,0.016409764591339318,0.0,0.020932826400809155,0.0,0.022328915815272136,0.0,0.0468429569062531,0.11182928704411106,0.03768685168823623,0.017749139286901115,0.0238549165533564,0.0,0.0,0.02113298514517916,0.06008489271050445,0.02724105495246056,0.15356032641730838,0.0,0.16874506088494945,0.0,0.14119879709596744,0.04167730058198134,0.039741332956660234,0.0,0.08210808725442839,0.0,0.04394037196003154,0.0,0.02225607232340565,0.12264554541580842,0.0,0.0,0.028001909783654428,0.029441222887901825,0.016652954368411712,0.07874972665313251,0.07476411912764226,0.0,0.02446713608201192,0.05733515667405925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025931529763441742,0.12327321583775346,0.044166422478869115,0.41230656582461617,0.025872049393458142,0.08192435647069607,0.060755515474717685,0.028026031094413616,0.05261413906783094,0.02699396189088759,0.050811008918182764,0.10529175652043264,0.07282752368409894,0.02490102947398017,0.06581527485779033,0.04397375515924084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844886858123547,0.15696389542382155,0.07052628801327142,0.08292052760827852,0.050377481428893714,0.0,0.10825313893850233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025086178550478948,0.32007739028785565,0.07932357043526622,0.05281220843576967,0.036527592297688566,0.018422113944285383,0.01916185132848273,0.023995275098955604,0.0264227403579244,0.0,0.0,0.0715178040848448,0.0,0.026070451771951584,0.079376744616044,0.033670976394876234,0.01889559974666421,0.0,0.0,0.027587224519731217,0.026904511241519373,0.0,0.01722426499847745,0.0,0.05191508302497876,0.05454428757360368,0.0,0.02800879352236346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02904225672423565,0.0,0.02783187643002344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732978655838004,0.0,0.049062510840201454,0.0,0.028144329788123663,0.0,0.14179863873228613,0.13830314680898612,0.0,0.2011542163001332,0.0197980991979322,0.04523556908313585,0.07775567486383779,0.0,0.02550284339349073,0.0205518859549386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315278799054895,0.057380252292160976,0.0,0.08343520183875558,0.08792643216601899,0.0,0.0595232989819903,0.062314128138491236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435238563250812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604062193573224,0.07987727795803835,0.19543915384239985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602315884467767,0.07959776452502905,0.02440990251224641,0.039448012471050835,0.0869232611280044,0.0,0.0,0.1899222672760926,0.0552070025415352,0.10120798254187123,0.02702402204765329,0.0,0.0,0.05977050167107266,0.0,0.0,0.04099914517336385,0.10257880041164606,0.01972065603462834,0.07971604111069346,0.0,0.022338470522708414,0.04606278090169424,0.022418579262276923,0.0,0.0,0.0478990260574502,0.0,0.05426195903447079,0.025231113477263367,0.0,0.0176490422386406,0.054327805364102734,0.0,0.031998489853230526
suicidewatch,Goonzofdoom,2019/02/02,"I just don't want to make those around me suffer. It's probably been the only thing stopping me. 


I have a few family members and friends, and everyone has their own crosses to carry. And I don't want to make them feel worse than they have to. I can't talk to them about it anyways. They wouldn't get it.  


I'm just always tired. Always. Even after 12 hours of sleep, I'm exhausted and find it difficult to do much of anything, let alone improve my life. It took me all afternoon to do two loads of laundry. 


I'm sad. I think my best days are behind me. I'm reminded of that fact every day. Like seeing the high water mark slowly fade away. Future doesn't look promising. I don't think there's a place in this world for someone like me. I feel like it's all coming to it's conclusion. I only stand a chance at happiness when I'm asleep. 


I find the only reason why I don't, is because I don't want to let anyone else down. And that's a shit reason to want to live, because it's not even for myself. 

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suicidewatch,sbanndrsn,2019/02/02,"I want to sleep forever. Today I wrote several goodbye letters to loved ones. I’m not usually a pessimist but I can’t do this anymore. I escaped domestic abuse but the select few people I told don’t believe me. They’d either like to see proof or think I’m lying, but I can’t bring myself to watch the videos or see the pictures and overall experience it again. I’ve been hospitalized twice, because of it I’m terrified of needles/iv’s. I was told a few months ago that I can’t have kids and recently I had to get blood work done, again, needles. After talking with the nurse she asked questions that kind of triggered thoughts I try to avoid. It’s been hard to go through alone. I used to sleep for 20-28 hours straight. Its what I feel like doing now, and I’d prefer not to have to wake up and deal with everyday life. I just feel as though I’m not meant to be here. I don’t see myself getting any better. I’ve waited years for my old self to return. I can’t talk to anybody about how I feel and when I do they don’t listen and I feel like a burden. I’ve asked for help or for somebody to listen but they want absolutely nothing to do with me. I just really don’t want to be here anymore. ",1.5905058028754553,3.4144672988047837,3.286804087995844,90.93515329984407,79.19920318725099,6.118205439113113,23.662047462324608,7.079830092131019,0.7804975229516709,936,32,205,11,23,311,134,251,0.109,0.778,0.113,-0.6243,0,2,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,3,2,11,8,0,1,7,0,22,6,4,3,1,41,53,17,0,4,13,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,8,9,0,2,9,1,0,2,11,2,0,2,10,11,28,6,31,40,3,19,0,0,4,1,20,2,0,4,18,126,36,1,0.0,0.14705109931542562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100168076531832,0.0,0.0,0.12854144291300554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439965507618588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461692888806654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23205384014015626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565684114931889,0.0,0.0,0.13983046231704951,0.0,0.10976598854931427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795286870044456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270085217198612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140425670474815,0.0,0.0,0.2510167623501233,0.17732967648064396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968562575061027,0.0,0.07053507385274342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117897158404688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318890744118332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222242176282054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924238394531712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876631856998766,0.18190292223520105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201491578479644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906412118921994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908773768287367,0.0,0.1302334919935028,0.0,0.08410074503299023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604285792187727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903259091632855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950860845901188,0.0,0.12254452221581524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29670091058657544,0.0,0.12947471654127232,0.14020996885983544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24840102494312194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951124994701733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952524121675468,0.12193831051332235,0.09853017625562263,0.0,0.0,0.1176426033570904,0.23718653104910645,0.0,0.08426314139945236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719195260057797,0.13669060125370536,0.0,0.2196114397847471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035419957790944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992333827886185
suicidewatch,frolsv,2019/02/02,"i am a little bit tired. i'm misunderstood and i don't want to be understood anymore. i don't have to carry on your name. i will die alone with no home to keep me warm or food to keep me alive. i am already insane. i can't feel any taste. i can't wake up. i am. i. i don't like saying ""i"" all the time. i'm selfish. i'm miserable. i'm alone. If i was to kill myself, will my soul die together with my frail flesh? ",-2.568511278195487,-0.8503661894736823,0.9680075187969948,100.20855263157898,100.36842105263158,4.398496240601504,14.154135338345867,6.18269132825596,-0.8269548872180454,312,7,83,4,14,112,58,95,0.359,0.597,0.045,-0.9827,0,2,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,2,0,13,5,2,0,1,12,22,3,3,2,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,4,18,2,9,17,2,4,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277742382596024,0.22789428949955426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043719029987514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048072544687067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254607463465346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286596519866646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442012112135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497185952131191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071512483829078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36711980264829935,0.22847810105599314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089273186005528,0.2069821487262366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422891001948653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042047887595725,0.23735845843541456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180781834254338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AccidentalOrange,2019/02/02,"I don’t know if I want help or not Is it normal to consider ending things? I have thoughts like that often, and I can’t tell if that’s unique or not. I don’t know if I could ever really end it all. I love my family too much. But at the same time, I know they’d rather me not suffer. And I feel like such an idiot for feeling this way. I’ve only told three people but I have undersold my intentions. Once I find an easy and quick way to do it, I may. Again, I feel so pathetic for even considering it. I have a friend who committed sophomore year of high school and I thought it was crazy at the time... no longer... ",0.4530594405594393,2.2656746439393984,2.5836363636363657,94.6243006993007,82.86363636363637,6.485780885780888,17.72960372960373,7.61054688173877,0.15393519813519818,471,10,114,8,13,159,85,132,0.11,0.718,0.173,0.5288,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,1,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,3,34,23,12,0,7,11,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,9,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,3,19,4,7,16,3,13,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,7,10,80,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427368361167675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200918823761549,0.0,0.0,0.11935018028873436,0.16345285777221755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034721372448472,0.0,0.2741009792352346,0.12909161262310412,0.0,0.0,0.1651558822033338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960782725651838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111892862003495,0.1909187264981724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979228209031269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656109635817482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308816892336625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328347735269583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770469432396395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924388520409292,0.0,0.13742995665022356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252741391545726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157605955990469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287733385531552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793914868142225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004858246873995,0.0,0.0,0.2869101122228771,0.21073442439646312,0.0,0.0,0.17266592029761718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658112608838756,0.2868613793993385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636442167384567
suicidewatch,M1RSH3,2019/02/02,"Family member suicide attempt, need advice in some aftermath related to children I have a family member of a family member that attempted suicide who has 2 minor children, 15 and 17. The older kid has been staying with me while the other stays with another relative. I was wondering if when someone attempts when they have kids <18 years old if they are required to call CYS on a single parent household? This happened several days ago and there have been no attempts by any agency to get ahold of me or the other family member watching one of the kids. I'm unsure about when it is appropriate for the kids to go home with their mother? I have no issue keeping the child here for as long as they need, I love them to death, and I don't want to keep them from their mother during this time and would definitely take them to see her when she is released, but I know it'll be awhile till she can get back into a normal routine and don't know what the right thing is here. I don't want to increase her stress, but I want to make sure the kids are well taken care of...even though they are teenagers and fairly self sufficient this is a lot for teenagers to deal with and feel responsible for. Does mom need kids there or does she need a break or is it case by case? Does anyone have experience with a situation like this? Couldn't find anything with google and unsure if this is the right sub for this, but I thought I might come across more people with a history of attempts of their own and/or of a loved one here than in other places.",9.228132959755477,6.698081533112585,8.591192052980134,74.84451095262355,61.483443708609286,11.676413652572592,35.15129903209373,9.851270322608157,3.1099130922058063,1221,36,240,18,13,387,161,302,0.08199999999999999,0.831,0.08800000000000001,0.8312,1,0,0,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,10,6,13,7,0,1,18,0,28,2,0,1,1,50,55,26,3,13,9,4,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,10,16,17,0,3,6,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,5,3,27,6,41,45,6,29,0,0,2,2,34,8,0,10,16,168,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107424471505648,0.09168776158740996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033848388947563,0.10845928537666548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232326958256192,0.0,0.08511714738595184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953415446049955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561740380883793,0.0,0.10545758212492833,0.0,0.0,0.08909900050127255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667061995559901,0.10663563477332086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271546664751718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831700373687898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117803617363552,0.390032464414502,0.0,0.052299202166805774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453655616067563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807971062585174,0.0,0.05878377288811992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914661066185448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375246553959916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795794210765383,0.0,0.18387330499097745,0.0,0.0,0.11368894692744548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053249626648214,0.0,0.0,0.09153559695560712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793565916559462,0.1867059608762073,0.0,0.06904281853584332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972684296253167,0.0,0.1211403354978194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067792033621699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134309519804843,0.0,0.0,0.10853630112808188,0.0,0.14017874585520668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485091758106535,0.0,0.0,0.07170792546817016,0.0,0.10806623401805868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666368203167745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242329189792746,0.0,0.10790393936221604,0.11685067464895495,0.0,0.0,0.11626384720811472,0.0,0.0,0.08763906451612963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204931896361155,0.0,0.0,0.11848298925241205,0.0,0.0,0.22627942720909466,0.0,0.09748506726274836,0.0,0.07776929313215226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871677476550968,0.0,0.1016231154239784,0.08211482865572517,0.06031304026585179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830236830387537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299934594926908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216946894751344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734763547556252,0.0,0.0,0.0666079314760973
suicidewatch,Xenon042,2019/02/02,"I really just feel like I drew a short straw somewhere. I don’t know if I’m suicidal. There’s one person in this world who has stopped me from offing myself for four years now but it’s getting more and more difficult to stay just for her. I was recently framed for a crime I didn’t commit and I’m facing hefty jail time, along with all the negative shit that comes with being an alleged criminal. And the kicker is that the girl that keeps me here, well her former step sister is the one who has destroyed my life. All I ever tried to do was help people and they took everything. I wish she didn’t care so I could disappear in peace. ",3.257846153846156,4.628522169230768,4.093846153846155,88.86615384615385,73.46153846153847,7.661538461538463,22.23076923076923,8.238735603445708,0.995138461538462,502,12,107,8,10,161,91,130,0.223,0.625,0.151,-0.9212,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,2,0,7,0,12,3,2,0,4,22,22,7,1,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,8,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,3,1,3,5,1,16,3,12,15,4,16,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,1,8,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252174280321077,0.0,0.0,0.19028169742557247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636688174421372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998123990169842,0.0,0.0,0.19852640619938952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169127494489514,0.15780760986840275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540865037457985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806142898805624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634184664301293,0.0,0.0,0.12139825182197853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602484686490115,0.10791826070596937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993686747803159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314095220130985,0.1928772109114412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415111527172823,0.0,0.21810740917303856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674579852697846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544494415590825,0.0,0.18467831901809315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24162354942027575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880579595861202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454227491895349,0.14997337397953556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861135710991756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540186345889026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224929788182072
suicidewatch,AvoidantNoid,2019/02/02,I want to be a suicide bomber I always fantasized about commuting a suicide bombing in a busy public place. I’m an atheist. ,3.998750000000001,5.987974708333336,5.806666666666668,74.80500000000002,72.75,8.133333333333335,37.0,8.841846274778883,3.8064,99,6,16,2,2,34,19,24,0.35600000000000004,0.593,0.051,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163607007594517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972329046710536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8317642874697597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425453518604507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicidalSomeone,2019/02/02,"I'm just struggling (Throwaway account because people know who I am on my main.)

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The past few days have been the worst for me.

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I'm 30, disabled, never held a job longer than a week and I'm a constant financial drain on my family. I love them, but I just don't love myself.

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Everything I've been passionate about is loosing it's wonder for me. I used to be an artist. I used to love to draw nearly every day, but now I can hardly even draw a stick figure.

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My mother is right now the only thing keeping me from killing myself because she genuinely needs my help, she's broken her hip and arm and needs a transplant in her future.

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I'm worried that once an opportunity presents itself I'm going to commit to ending my own life. I figured out a quick and painless solution and ever since I figured this out, the idea of suicide has become very, very appealing. I don't need to worry about if it'll hurt, I just need to lie down and let it happen.

​

I know I don't want to die, hence why I'm writing this here. I just can't find a reason NOT to, despite family and friends who will miss me. I need a goal or something to move away from depression but nothing I can think of myself is motivating to me.

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I'm just at a dead end and I need a way out besides just giving up.

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For those of you who I know want to ask, no I'm not going to tell you how to do it. I don't want to be the cause for other people killing themselves. I want a reason to live, not more reasons to die.",4.577239747634071,4.905924917981075,5.4810899053627775,83.99646135646688,69.53627760252365,7.728012618296533,29.41466876971609,7.365786028017652,1.6476752050473191,1217,43,248,11,20,400,163,317,0.16699999999999998,0.68,0.152,-0.505,1,0,1,0,0,3,64.0,0,2,1,3,15,13,2,1,18,0,21,7,2,8,3,59,57,14,6,11,14,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,14,11,0,2,14,1,1,3,10,7,0,0,3,1,39,6,40,49,5,30,0,3,0,4,20,12,0,3,14,167,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474909031999186,0.5018464581239498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826300749572101,0.0,0.04850399125220396,0.0,0.0,0.06294102591513688,0.057016466956555885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053033756562862286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578898001504401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658853803571196,0.0,0.044465090889455015,0.0,0.10715853412568782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144999324591448,0.0,0.0,0.03409825047820865,0.0466983499498088,0.04349683103975554,0.0,0.0463977993186947,0.0,0.09733612379621516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04718490265950915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988584391741039,0.0,0.0,0.04952402119169592,0.05868008555273373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565238583585693,0.0,0.046246436048518254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034603580453309614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526631885356542,0.0582790673422545,0.0,0.0,0.05123048496513411,0.04588724378184235,0.11423225057693395,0.0,0.08511631022050672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052790717974622765,0.03646471858407125,0.0,0.0,0.04558638882155791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397824759173722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486988864242024,0.0,0.2296785619734748,0.039816878699749335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049536197056386434,0.0,0.0,0.05497962518997483,0.0,0.03926362803752723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049282518052099385,0.07158144151941072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923927852080536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04408801726375263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270526558686475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039743942379964425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397033146109928,0.0,0.05647007454219025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045123087698951014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034297783419095264,0.03307962764697273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917596034985714,0.0,0.08519312472353383,0.12180056786908493,0.04097803264150735,0.04141097700996565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658411318430143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598580790971167,0.0,0.104856693391677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018464581239498,0.0
suicidewatch,krystalizedx,2019/02/02,"Suggestions on suicide choices? Hi! After some consideration, i decided to write about it here because i feel that people on reddit gives good advice. (This will be long, so you can skip the front part if u want. I’m also a shitty writer so it will be inconsistent af and it's hard for me to write out my feelings cause I'm just not good at words)

Being born as a female in a Chinese family, I basically grew up as the unwanted child(all my cousins are male so that made it worse actually). I am the only child, so I was lonely most of the time. I didn't have anyone to speak to or play with and the only thing I remember about my childhood was getting beaten up a lot. At the age of 11, i knew that I wanted to get out of here. That's why I really studied hard, hoping that the bursaries money I got every year will be enough for me to escape this shitty hellhole. Tbh, i kinda expected to not get any recognition from my family, so it didn’t surprise me at all. However, the thing that surprised me was the fact that my cousins were barely passing and my family praised them for being better than me. Tbh like wtf? I guess me being a girl is the reason. Basically, my childhood was filled with only sadness and jealousy.

Fast forward to present day, I maintain my grades and got into chemical engineering. I currently have a cGPA of 3.98 and focusing on building up my portfolio. Besides studying chem eng, I participated in external projects like antibiotics resistance bacteria. I wanted to apply the knowledge i got from chem eng into other fields, hoping that it will broaden the stuff that I can do in the future.

Along the way, i got like mild depression and anxiety so I went to the counselor. And oh boy, she keeps asking me to think for the reason(s) for why I am different from normal people and solutions to solve it. Like if I knew the answer/solution myself, why would i even seek help? So i gave up counseling by always giving the ""politically correct answers"". Tbh I think that she doesn’t care about me so yeah... 

At this juncture, I'm really tired of studying. I sacrificed my mental health for my gpa and I have no faith in myself in succeeding in the future. Everything is in a mess and apparently I shouldn’t have join chem eng because it won’t get me where i want in the future. I was hoping to do drug development in the future but I found out that it is only available for pharmaceutical students. I'm using my own money to pay for school actually, so I may not be able to further study cause my money is running out. (I'm 18 so the money I got from bursaries is used to pay my fees). I'm not confident in getting scholarships even though I'm shortlisted for some. I always feel lonely and depressed my entire life because everyone that knows the ""real"" me basically told me to fk off and solve my own problems. I'm ending myself i guess? It’s been really exhausting and lonely for me. Even if i die, no one will care. Please tell me that I did well, I really worked hard for my studies and really really tried to balance everything. (Hobbies including playing computer games like dota, starcraft, battlefield 1 etc. and i skate) So any suggestions to how i shall end it? Thank you.

tdlr: Sacrificed mental heath for gpa, depressed and anxious, probably fk up my future cause i chose the wrong course and running out of money.",3.8289427817910777,5.791476068111456,5.314255245958035,78.26937277835113,73.14860681114551,8.37651645453503,27.75243664717349,9.049649993220411,2.490811122577687,2644,102,478,58,54,889,296,646,0.126,0.778,0.096,-0.982,4,6,1,0,0,1,82.0,0,2,1,5,25,34,1,0,31,1,44,5,0,8,3,89,93,39,2,16,10,2,6,5,0,10,5,1,0,4,31,28,0,1,15,3,10,8,11,12,1,1,22,7,81,22,82,54,10,60,2,7,0,0,26,33,0,15,25,331,112,13,0.0694583891509296,0.0,0.13556273663643226,0.0,0.0,0.0678739339971018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554584870937359,0.11558988793823335,0.0,0.0,0.09446817290457177,0.0,0.0531354775844897,0.07846820919611118,0.0,0.048566920682318604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493421766280283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702356801084042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143030072787399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163491379669085,0.2140586965555959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479491485318336,0.0,0.1794732263919631,0.0,0.07208684187326303,0.07256923319818225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054967983598428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303903289115466,0.0717690833906904,0.0774644643992633,0.13762983286955813,0.0,0.0585216885754179,0.06637046740758776,0.12484944293213725,0.0,0.19643756295949832,0.0,0.1053607456373722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615753858887013,0.0,0.0,0.18144570771034785,0.13326163198113816,0.0,0.1165168027776944,0.2777610947430111,0.0,0.15303249291556595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666322098366656,0.0,0.0,0.07383101964673154,0.0,0.0,0.04655649412786243,0.0,0.0,0.20696355830137853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173780769755019,0.0,0.0,0.03817251418354628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490605143859065,0.16966930230194818,0.0,0.0,0.0614684886705336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059051038600618985,0.0,0.06572320724819967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999543895331715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805447395551682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706680208591004,0.2113049394566772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521666677984606,0.0,0.09630740282090183,0.0,0.0,0.07624445332492423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488789130603311,0.06646229785708598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790588532303548,0.26698093604272816,0.14282958465106574,0.0,0.0,0.07868281480425231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029559802715894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951323780380494,0.07597620417837378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070969362034063,0.06394795270128738,0.0,0.0,0.09229013480291942,0.08901226232217041,0.06824251468128434,0.0,0.0405017452834763,0.07983220058718052,0.0,0.06637046740758776,0.0,0.047157686865072775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997949402884785,0.0,0.0,0.16387343010410949,0.05513283628611396,0.0,0.0,0.062451433463880525,0.06438862261673503,0.1880261779421595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056653454729895,0.0,0.07078403254099387,0.049341246794278905,0.07594184477594101,0.0,0.044728925330457074
suicidewatch,EffYouAnxiety,2019/02/02,"I wrote suicide letters to my entire family and boyfriend but the only one that was too hard to write was my best friend I don’t have a plan in place, I just want to die. I’ve wanted to for years. I decided tonight enough was enough and I’m done. I wrote letters to everyone in my life. Some long, some just one sentence. I saved my best friend for last because I knew that was going to be the hardest. I started it and as soon as I wrote her name I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go through with leaving her, she’s not just my best friend, she’s my family, my cousin. There’s a video of her saying hi to me in my moms stomach when my mom was pregnant with me. She doesn’t deserve me doing this to her. I ended up writing how much I loved her and how amazing she is and I just repeated how I’m sorry over and over because I love her but her love what I need to keep me going. Now I’m sitting here, with the letters in front of me like what do I do? ",0.9528985507246368,2.3905005458937225,2.6901690821256072,96.25815217391307,79.7729468599034,5.5661835748792265,22.128019323671495,6.139981653823899,0.09755845410627996,731,22,177,5,18,242,102,207,0.048,0.684,0.268,0.9956,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,4,13,12,0,0,5,0,17,5,1,3,0,36,35,14,2,5,7,3,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,2,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,10,2,42,12,26,22,8,23,0,0,0,3,31,8,0,2,11,129,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868679646998216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097798679233838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350839476127379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319730991897466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528177571304618,0.2689769963291471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437200062227785,0.0,0.0,0.2454036527280744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30168034459540377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191618243169714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659642781463395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156908329456777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060965290948038,0.0,0.13781903155931008,0.0,0.0,0.0919347800922019,0.0635888562962474,0.0,0.0,0.11518615447189212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35241931607339266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048800654939938,0.0,0.0,0.09568145530558983,0.09651085993456862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639750229175574,0.0989913853559503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359879034911046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350724344944656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457017564619304,0.09212683848319543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237224600697512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354168161661186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381779044692153
suicidewatch,Xtsky11,2019/02/02,"I'm starting to find solace in the idea of suicide, and it scares me Although I have been depressed for a few years now, I've generally avoided the idea of suicide, mostly because I feared death or hurting those I care about. But I've slowly lost my desire to live and I've begun to lose those fears. I just feel worse every day and I can't live like that. Idk, my mind is conflicted on how to handle these thoughts",2.8718991596638617,4.52107857647059,3.72218487394958,90.00411764705885,75.0,5.798319327731093,25.084033613445378,6.18269132825596,0.6730504201680669,329,11,68,2,7,105,63,85,0.393,0.551,0.056,-0.9866,0,1,0,1,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,18,10,7,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,3,1,8,2,10,7,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097136811216509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835008417491843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607172781481563,0.0,0.15501586546963686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516402817117217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405053389979255,0.09100291725872096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449777514339922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267151099961136,0.4063493352698984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792877111104436,0.0,0.3178499526461123,0.0,0.0,0.2013507453615662,0.19646861353748815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817277375556954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019062824497695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739024046027836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39373617834517904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288342170186893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341423319279776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159007370238828
suicidewatch,justamessylittlestar,2019/02/02,"Life just goes on. I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide lately, and not just my own inevitable demise. Two days into this semester a girl was found dead in her dorm. She overdosed on pills. Apparently she woke up after she took them, said good morning to her roommates, went back to bed and never woke up. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about her. If my friend hadn’t mentioned it, I never would have known. Our university said nothing. No answers. No one even knew unless they saw the body bag on the stretcher or knew the roommates. So... Life just goes on I suppose. At night I see her in my room, I haven’t been able to sleep, just thinking if I turn around I’ll see her standing there. It’s so interesting that a girl who was alive and had a story is now six feet under and we are all none the wiser. 

How minimal our impact on the lives of those around us truly is. ",2.2058928571428567,4.173498542857144,3.1053392857142867,92.27972321428574,77.85714285714286,5.517857142857144,22.36607142857143,6.322622252153567,0.2981499999999997,675,20,144,5,16,214,111,175,0.06,0.8340000000000001,0.106,0.7335,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,4,0,2,0,15,3,0,0,10,0,13,6,3,1,3,32,29,11,2,3,9,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,3,2,6,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,0,0,3,17,5,22,3,22,11,5,26,0,0,3,0,21,15,0,5,8,104,28,1,0.15979315248321807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844995676514394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287107081693575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749416962124553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305336399399782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554187017005218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175204943927425,0.12345579322448115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340269149681539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802536361008839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257332584876783,0.0,0.0,0.14110028118894688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717008479680476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24648466026087046,0.0,0.0,0.14995504892048706,0.0,0.15332583945280231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827997560191924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039997605505284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546689080798609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599085531869078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478777333851409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071669998396245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753607196143495,0.0,0.17380906414290406,0.15609469112293012,0.0,0.19221148762538015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812985325103273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351247083455837,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmMcStuffy,2019/02/02,"Hello Hey all I think I might do it tonight I just don't know what to do 
Do you think that melatonin with wine would do it I'm 14 and 79 kilos if that helps ",0.2669369369369363,1.1878441621621647,1.9767567567567568,102.8572072072072,80.35135135135134,4.933333333333334,17.738738738738736,3.1291,-1.1166504504504502,122,2,34,0,3,40,27,37,0.0,0.923,0.077,0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,10,11,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33415474131168565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739795347817185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5288624831247105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6388769181834095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541420346913761,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsVinn,2019/02/02,"What’s my fault? I will never be able to fit in with people. All I’ve ever done is be a nice person to others. And they always put me with shit like this. I always get the feeling of being alone and isolated even with other people around.

I’ve attempted to kill myself last October and even if how optimistic I am but when others let me down I’d rather kill myself.

I wish i rather had hanged myself successfully. I feel it’s my fault I can never fit in. All I ever wanted is to be accepted and when the world cannot accept me I’d rather deserve to not live.",1.992796610169492,3.5668382796610203,4.112000000000002,86.59867796610172,77.22033898305084,6.753898305084746,18.57966101694916,7.554174236665415,0.4116888135593224,439,8,92,6,10,151,70,118,0.177,0.653,0.17,-0.4545,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,2,11,10,3,0,3,0,13,1,1,1,6,27,18,9,2,6,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,2,17,5,13,10,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,8,73,23,1,0.18436915422676592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095084095126524,0.0,0.0,0.3068198116433501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412763579241987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886736563770962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435481750797458,0.3335449106627821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644516810060754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632527352726863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079543051782709,0.0,0.0,0.15028546811803134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885299515892399,0.0,0.09007345590949974,0.0,0.16280134098172389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843937154750176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556367145987647,0.16098403402101907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534192309999376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925228735783714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874570400301801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201542846556687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flowersub,2019/02/02,"my best friend just told me she's planning on killing herself tomorrow This is going to be a long post and English isn't my first language so bear with me, please. 


I met my best friend about an year ago at work. She's honestly one of the coolest people I ever met and we bonded pretty much immediately. I absolutely love her and she knows this. 


So, when we met she was getting treatment for her anxiety and depression. From what I know, she struggled with that since she was ten and it was exacerbated by a girlfriend and mother in law dying when she was in her teens. She takes some meds for that, like lithium and rivotril (sorry, those are the only names I know on the top of my head) and a lot more others. 


Okay, so, around last July she had a fight with her brother and I offered my house for her to stay in. She had a bad relationship with her brother and needed some space. My mother and my sister immediately took her in, to the point where we all consider her a part of the family. 


With the change, she stopped going to her psychologist. Not long after, she stopped taking her meds and started drinking a lot. Like, a lot lot. 


I was worried and constantly nagged her to set up an appointment with her doctors. Turns out that the psychologist she was seeing was on maternal leave and she changed doctors a few times before quitting because she didn't like any of them. This was around October. 


By November she had an urinary infection and had to be admitted to a hospital for around 18 days. She was utterly miserable. Me, my mother and her mother took turns sleeping with her in the hospital and spending the day there. It was a bit tricky for me, with college and work but I managed. By the end of November she was discharged and came back home but she wasn't alright. I tried helping how I could, providing support and listening to her and giving advice that seemed okay but nothing helped. 


She then started getting really strong panic attacks that would leave her in the hospital with how bad they were. On December 4th a doctor suggested that we should take her to psychiatric clinic because she was showing symptoms of suicide.


We - me and her mother - talked to her and she agreed that she wasn't getting better on her own and that she needed help. She was in the clinic all of December until mid January, where she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and then she came home. 


Because she wasn't working, she didn't have any money and couldn't help with rent or food but me and her mom got that covered. Like, it isn't easy but we're trying, I guess. 


Last week her on again off again boyfriend ended up things with her for good and she got drunk. Smashing drunk. They were out to have this conversation and I only heard what happened hours later but I thought it was a bit of a one off until two days later she did the same. And then she went out to our neighbors house yesterday and she drunk all day and most of the night and came home with some stranger. 


And I was very very pissed. Fucking livid. I have a 4y/o and a 2y/o living with me. She can't just bring strange men home?! But like, I didnt get to talk to her about it because I had to go to work today. 


So, I came home to find out she had gone out with my sister and her friend and she was drunk again. And I know she is going through so so much and she's doing her best but something isn't right and I realized I wasn't really helping at all anymore. I was just watching her destroy herself and allowing it to happen. 
So I asked my sister to bring her back home and when she got here, she wanted to talk.


I think this is what really set off: I was really mad at her for the drinking and the stranger think because she takes so many different meds and she shouldn't mix them with alcohol but I didn't say that to her! I knew I was angry and that that wasn't the right mindset to have that conversation in so I just talked to my friends about it. One of which is her ex. 


Now, I wasn't expecting him to tell her that I was mad or that she is messing things up. He said that we were all bending ourselves all over trying to help her and all she does is drink and sleep with random men. And like, I was planning on talking to her about it and I did in fact complain about all those things in a conversation with her mom but I had never ever told her anything about it because while I don't understand addiction or the whole sex drive thing, I know what she's trying to accomplish by it and I know that letting her work things on her own with just general advice was the best. 


Anyway, I feel like I'm overly explaining myself but that was all to get where I am now: When she got home drunk we talked for a bit and she cried and apologized for being a mess and screwing things up. I hugged her and told her I loved her and that like, yea she was a mess but setbacks happened in healing. And she told that she knew I was mad and apologized for the random guy and I told her that yes I was a bit angry and that I'd like for us to talk about it when she was sober. After this the conversation changed and she said, VERY CALMLY that ""tomorrow that would be fixed"" so I asked what she meant and she said, in that still calm tone, that she would kill herself. That caught me out of the left field. 


Like, I too am a depressed bitch who had suicidal thoughts like any millennial out there but she was so serious and so calm as she said that it was for the best because she was a burden and she tried changing that but she couldn't. 


So I told her she wasn't a burden and that I loved her and that she was having a bad week but that she had so many good days before, remember? And I mentioned a few times where we had good days together. And I said that we all saw her as family and really, it would crush us if she died. 


And she cried some more and said she was selfish and I said that she was healing and that she was so strong and that she had accomplished so much already, look at all she did. And she said that she didn't have any more strength to keep going anymore and I just didn't know what to say. I told her she didn't have to be strong and that no one expected her to wake up and be all cured tomorrow and that she had time and support. And she talked about how dying was so much easier and that I should respect her choices and I said that wasn't a very good one and I said to look at all the things she had gone through and gotten over and all the people she had in her life who loved her and then I suggested that I could bring her other best friend here. He lives in another city and she misses him a lot. She said he couldn't come because he didn't have the money and I said I would go and get him and sent him a text asking him to come and she promised she wouldn't try anything tonight and we said good night to each other and like....


My sister is sleeping with her because she's a light sleeper and I'm looking at the sidebar in this sub and all the things it said about not guilting the suicidal person by mentioning you'd be sad or that our family would be crushed and I said all that. And I also did the thing where I showed all the things she could do like play music because she loves that and said that she didn't really want to die, she just wanted all the bad things to stop and talked a bit about when I was on a down low and it also said those things don't help either and I'm just- I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do. If she really did kill herself it's a bit on me because she's told me now. And I know she could do it because she has so many meds, you guys, and she's fucking resourceful. I don't know what to do? I'm so afraid of going to sleep and waking up in a world where she died while I wasn't looking. She was SO CALM when she said that she'd kill herself. 



TL;DR: best friend wants to kill herself and I said a bunch of things the advice in the sidebar says it's bad but I only saw that now that I already said it and my friend has a lot of meds she could take while no one saw. 


PS. She's tried to kill herself three times before, all three with pills. 



What do I do? I had my sister keep an eye on her and I told her mom about the suicidal wishes but I don't know how much help those will be. 


I'm very sorry about the long post! I guess I just had to vent a little.",3.0825466678690567,4.354204676436112,3.866452520515829,90.7156630895482,73.74794841735053,7.1249634773198665,24.084389935972585,7.61054688173877,0.8957728343403368,6502,187,1436,80,130,2073,446,1706,0.141,0.726,0.133,-0.9658,3,0,5,0,1,2,132.0,14,2,4,24,81,98,18,5,77,5,147,43,9,5,23,295,289,174,15,29,35,16,1,13,9,11,15,25,9,6,107,155,10,5,26,11,4,24,37,42,0,11,137,37,285,56,174,121,61,173,0,6,10,10,302,74,5,22,83,1062,392,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026753491076721283,0.0,0.07194402404028663,0.0217542610795358,0.02622704077818089,0.0,0.0,0.054163569264793605,0.03925111982906362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675533205210188,0.02573355014599731,0.018773923221118875,0.0,0.04867648038793751,0.0,0.0,0.04039057371498933,0.06554051673366951,0.06882802633437113,0.02791911682818429,0.0,0.03774128042649077,0.1024542339101402,0.17952078886022432,0.0,0.0626481688428067,0.0,0.1802810621984197,0.02170466516427802,0.16075556932184307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227421470199613,0.0,0.0,0.10384518950983747,0.04228007937531607,0.0,0.02652027978145646,0.0,0.09797061225816296,0.0,0.0539146323877087,0.09496212290325252,0.0,0.04227453703502908,0.02490876478397883,0.12734926795657733,0.02564029296832429,0.028126299990719916,0.07535676348850037,0.02147613792001516,0.0,0.0,0.07212299314738692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347237404662994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439777553442749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940567568779751,0.0,0.0124087498537465,0.017532212402810672,0.0,0.0,0.02243017921556429,0.020874701487308682,0.029675272816695974,0.0,0.1327230965339015,0.04537582117254391,0.07693047147128666,0.02354212064017637,0.09763116302064104,0.1029198197118121,0.07851124263599553,0.0,0.05406971769031188,0.04859922125979331,0.06510501059876586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02518631430042114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159539892135594,0.0,0.1723175185806625,0.0,0.02416810301302222,0.05663441639110254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362662816800729,0.1629069707610072,0.0,0.14835900067509233,0.04000864810877915,0.0,0.05197109823849287,0.02666404639765756,0.02509500281549203,0.0173341498400019,0.15586444985395634,0.024596693435644985,0.04334059469981228,0.06515447339212409,0.08243358734648884,0.0,0.0,0.12518411974965912,0.11074679291124533,0.0,0.0,0.07464266495856267,0.0,0.0,0.1362985034883252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622694370730463,0.0,0.0,0.09020289609183613,0.03639392416266084,0.018927658524262654,0.0,0.0,0.04606043973612197,0.0,0.023547908653115245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997783667854795,0.05599398306849143,0.0,0.028793768162434112,0.0,0.026575688998521575,0.0,0.034027506072755336,0.042856795463552325,0.0,0.026938828402967786,0.023199332302719908,0.0,0.04700730244823125,0.024967186406931824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02610254865276438,0.0,0.0,0.1100518861043794,0.0,0.0,0.026348025768064897,0.027800354699131197,0.041916039781659725,0.4668853350198902,0.05854835566079036,0.0,0.0,0.019556130283242885,0.022341353924492748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02030070439000056,0.0,0.09823554899123832,0.0,0.0,0.018892986952808864,0.0,0.05494364757123718,0.034740724260215385,0.026157615425210168,0.01959860520181989,0.06155253573486005,0.0,0.025655752979536983,0.0,0.10737620051377494,0.055698043964432016,0.0,0.02550766594916213,0.09225950538420064,0.17752732155256842,0.021450058955311282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119527647730437,0.031449973813020136,0.0,0.03896588574419477,0.05724060012930059,0.0,0.023262153866290373,0.21105120426379484,0.0545322721871373,0.11663287560705216,0.05338747832886232,0.02397315117215109,0.025548217123782017,0.05903999702639971,0.0,0.0,0.1012451519330242,0.0579000572614405,0.0,0.03937088278120885,0.0,0.0,0.0227499048145008,0.0,0.027399333093073942,0.028221127356268895,0.0,0.0,0.08933129806159461,0.02492274320982204,0.0,0.10460003233927452,0.0,0.0,0.015803704946133403
suicidewatch,monixat,2019/02/02,"i turn 26 in 2 hours my dad is a runner. i never understood the appeal but joined the cross country team in high school anyway. on weekends we’d run by the beach and to keep pushing myself forward i’d look at the lampposts, focusing on the one closest to me and i’d tell myself, ‘just to that one right there, then you’re done’ 

i’ve been running to these lampposts for 10 years and i am so tired. 10 years, 3 therapists, antidepressants and suicide letters written on scratch papers and napkins, i am exhausted.

to my family, to my friends, it was never your fault. 

",3.6190990990990985,5.372602981981983,4.528108108108106,84.56531531531532,73.23423423423424,7.095495495495496,29.45045045045045,7.793537801064563,1.949115315315316,445,19,85,6,9,144,78,111,0.126,0.813,0.061,-0.8616,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,6,0,7,2,0,0,2,11,12,8,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,4,0,6,2,2,0,2,5,2,12,1,14,6,0,22,0,0,1,0,7,10,0,0,8,56,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314146298776785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131799639994368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471134947190756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389240560607345,0.0,0.0,0.22269743558551264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099918911763584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898964566880356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488185243765609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064698733707568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311806483624927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288607051163382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473550001467745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765196796504947,0.0,0.0,0.2625601785162466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25990893071728666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459699569678394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29124706745561696
suicidewatch,haikoo4,2019/02/02,Meaningless I just wish I could feel important to someone. ,6.177999999999997,9.463752799999998,6.0100000000000025,69.785,71.0,12.0,40.0,11.20814326018867,6.269,48,3,7,2,1,15,9,10,0.234,0.403,0.363,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661681781417703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952193611434736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494706373438424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6714151938803772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gstewa372,2019/02/02,"I'm living my life as a bystander. t may just be the sleep deprivation talking, but I feel as if i'm living life as a bystander. Im not really included in much, just laughing when Im supposed too, frowning when the times right, but never **actually** experiencing said emotions. I turned to SH before, and quit about a month ago. Im gonna relapse soon anyway, but im trying to keep of that stuff, covering cuts is annoying as shit. Anyways, just figured i'd post this, letting the internet have my last memo. keeping people aware of me in my death is a lot easier than making them aware of me now.",2.012114845938377,4.290314126050421,4.242205882352945,82.31075980392157,80.00840336134453,6.991876750700281,25.883053221288513,8.07648339933343,1.8442431372549013,467,19,90,9,12,161,82,119,0.172,0.764,0.064,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,11,5,3,0,7,0,6,4,2,1,1,17,15,11,1,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,8,1,13,10,2,13,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,3,9,56,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.1436537644218015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049100219378046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526315814657027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655891764675355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744327834656041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360395661389264,0.0,0.0,0.26169045278830305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999416043241427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053014466806114,0.20795471531109092,0.0,0.0,0.2599747064437471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251509699268827,0.0,0.0,0.09826247722752393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750001414491512,0.0,0.10821481151458444,0.0,0.11353587791295315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020554858966403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098456354066002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565738188513006,0.0,0.0,0.0943052086509907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257148201702988,0.14002850994014185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110688755071336,0.0,0.0,0.14731430306981996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851793074252136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832020720229855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858381634951544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999445630514314,0.1601200226075579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LemonEverythingPlez,2019/02/02,"Please be kind to me: I want to kill myself. I have never been raped or physically abused, so it feels cheap when I talk about my problems, but I want to kill myself. Ive told my family how o feel, but the only person in my life that loves me unconditionally is my sister, who I am lucky enough to live with. I’ve got a mother whose love is conditional and a father that doesn’t care emotionally about my mother. He’s mean to her, and is very chauvinistic. I am half black, and she is white. She makes comments about my appearance that are racist. She tells me I need to wear makeup to be beautiful, and makes other back-handed comments to me often. 

I’ve shoe-horned myself into an area where people think I’m tough because I am serious, when in reality I am wounded very easily (something I’ve recently come to realize). 

I’d like to say that I don’t care how my they treat me, but I do. I’m sad, and have wanted to kill myself for a couple years now. I quit my job because it sent me spiraling down, and my sister works and is supporting us at the moment while I try my best to keep the house clean.

I know it would be a huge burden on my sister to kill myself—it would be extremely hard for her to pay our bills and take care of our two dogs alone. But I am also a burden now because I am not working or studying like I should. So why not chose the path that ends my suffering?

A lot of thoughts. You don’t have to respond, I just needed to think out loud. Thanks for reading.",3.936372549019609,4.382081297385621,5.30052941176471,84.31138235294121,70.99346405228758,8.342222222222222,24.45032679738562,8.395991825355821,1.273388758169935,1151,28,250,17,20,387,167,306,0.158,0.634,0.207,0.9573,1,1,1,0,1,4,35.0,3,1,1,4,15,25,5,0,11,0,28,6,1,4,1,48,58,22,4,9,9,6,3,2,0,3,2,2,1,1,11,12,0,1,8,1,3,3,6,12,0,2,5,7,51,13,32,46,3,23,0,2,2,3,30,10,0,6,12,167,62,5,0.0,0.12376068637296644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081826472317726,0.0,0.08353167542582639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031853359776946,0.0,0.19102222220112267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961783102213553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31949286732836113,0.0,0.0,0.08997770975038526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557615583010256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174964789899014,0.09251507357414013,0.10792870968210697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846975745764483,0.0,0.10562997129635276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354125520123706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357009840482568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052567438877924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365429055950208,0.09284334714330457,0.4622506658145341,0.10877257103152456,0.05740508317104264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377881622350756,0.10206171239739142,0.0,0.09223462935562768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888028953478291,0.18854728629807951,0.0,0.13944746072606962,0.0,0.0,0.1137808225539247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490235559478294,0.08056121890560095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944183061690456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241512102579784,0.09120503934773684,0.0,0.11465891828352558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994819093862957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109948614689354,0.1044820783191725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031355375871413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306586348060814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041364734760237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853294760893285,0.0,0.0,0.07853626691174256,0.08395601715158746,0.0912972353564898,0.09616703594068236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338595696704029,0.0,0.08292465883365249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981009328633106,0.0,0.0709172815714177,0.0,0.10203619623425997,0.0,0.12564507433745306,0.0,0.0,0.1723706677728101,0.18482869322055173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425331824886174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208723781732444,0.0,0.0,0.14840198171748425,0.0,0.0,0.0672648300397515
suicidewatch,selvmordsbrev,2019/02/02,"Thought I was improving socially, only to find out I was oblivious to the fact that I was being (gently) ostracized by my coworkers I'm no social butterfly, and have extreme social anxiety but I worked to make improvements. I will even strategically medicate myself with various substances as to not be a social burden on anyone. (Otherwise, I avoid drugs entirely).

Everyone is friendly as they can be to my face, and just when I think things are going well and think that I'm improving, I find out I'm nowhere near where I thought I was. For example, I'll find out that they all hang out on their lunch breaks and outside of work. Some of them are kind enough not to mention it to or near me. 

But even when I find out, it's no longer a kick in the gut because this is such a recurring pattern. I'm no longer surprised but am ready for it. I even go out of my way to set my boundaries early so they don't feel like they have to invite me and do things like leave the scene so as to not make them uncomfortable and feel they have to be sneaky to talk about these things. 

But while it's not a kick in the gut anymore, I still feel some bit of resentment, not at anyone or myself, but the circumstances...like the fact that I am severely defective in some area that does not allow me to have even the most casual of acquaintances.

Every time I find a new job, new class, new school, or new group, I die each time from the eventual realization that this is a trend that will not budge. Sure, there are little improvements here or there, but the data all point in one direction.

I'm tired of being a disappointment to anyone who has to encounter me, and myself.  

I'm going to work at my job for the next few months and quietly leave, and I'll decide what to do from there. I think I see TTG on the horizon, and maybe it is a lot closer than I expected a few months ago. 

And when it happens, I'll make sure no one ever knows. (But that shouldn't be too hard, anyway.)",6.30082547739908,5.529750327411168,6.671812907904277,80.64598138747887,66.03045685279186,10.651970026589318,30.437031665458065,10.07000556051586,2.6096808315204254,1535,46,324,31,21,499,180,394,0.131,0.767,0.103,-0.8923,2,1,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,8,4,22,14,1,1,20,0,31,7,3,4,7,72,54,31,1,2,19,0,4,2,1,3,3,1,0,0,22,19,1,1,15,1,0,4,13,5,1,2,6,6,39,9,52,39,13,47,0,1,1,0,17,22,0,9,20,233,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637915905452798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591519990224977,0.0,0.08545150359674325,0.18074355012551171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252475532578125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406873710276234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942459555092068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540266930109027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999228479693002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903041232623607,0.0,0.22764195370058485,0.07794024230042078,0.07259685950751438,0.08233336417877453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307012739180629,0.061555556164200366,0.0,0.0,0.3937615301350674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657006816345677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690690648936558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619451259976598,0.0,0.07718599126150033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100888642284734,0.0,0.0,0.08972651370747288,0.047353463590856765,0.0,0.0,0.18247040265276834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419072519466901,0.08635893231528137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732535245892182,0.0,0.0,0.1725453537273247,0.0,0.08656328737383019,0.0,0.0,0.08680113314500361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755051487697914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328707899924498,0.0916363577874806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677386971141053,0.0655315805832021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145280069177614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872025359862563,0.06866152704216566,0.0,0.0,0.09734075857150117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513332591573305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881065638054952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241704081311614,0.0,0.0,0.0692553338800229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173053563507654,0.1656311751989414,0.0,0.13680913243043247,0.1004858056467201,0.0990328063199066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839294742761487,0.0,0.0,0.07747175537112977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881851853735196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aniyahjohnson16,2019/02/02,"Feeling like the end is near Hi, this probably won’t get much attention at all but I’ve seen a lot of people post on here and reading about every one else’s experience online is pretty much the only thing that makes me feel not alone. So I guess I should say I’m 16 and I’m very depressed and suicidal and I’m probably gonna die soon. I have nothing to live for and no reason to be alive as far as I’m concerned. I’m just alone all the time and pretty much just wanna die. I guess it’s really not a reason to post this. I’m hoping that maybe someone will respond and maybe we can talk or be friends. But I know probably no one will like this or respond so idk it’s fine just wanted to share/kinda vent and rant. I hope this doesn’t get taken down or violate anything I’m pretty much new to reddit so idk exactly how everything works here. And like I said I’m willing to talk to anyone so just let me know if anyone wants to talk.",2.129249999999999,3.4406660249999987,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,76.25,7.0,22.5,7.6454224807358475,0.8144499999999999,735,20,163,10,16,248,111,200,0.16899999999999998,0.642,0.188,0.1234,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,1,13,9,1,0,5,0,13,0,0,4,3,43,38,22,3,7,12,0,2,3,1,6,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,5,10,7,18,26,7,11,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,9,7,95,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214252508052332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464667799687794,0.0,0.08511722908139333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908740634662131,0.0,0.21469597120349984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640569275258718,0.0,0.09161167272713984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714746296735901,0.0,0.09295965708851846,0.1011781332843187,0.0,0.0,0.10459850472716424,0.07389314892746257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991272059652828,0.0,0.10807981436076236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22788805029053585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546626355365075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136890560461013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576809918655597,0.0,0.15159763430272227,0.0,0.0913339670196046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793574356624384,0.0,0.0,0.06904288480314334,0.0,0.2078263696782332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304143065642254,0.0,0.0,0.09989703769754632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992475496564243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017888039877258,0.0786660887372956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170799429343991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812203506778028,0.315688171192479,0.33455748935980817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346182081514264,0.0,0.06626236016979781,0.2126944085521568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838925858308166,0.08225473326662139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763914863210727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113139822196049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494085840163649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871684071987286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060313098154310275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534374234219484,0.12201590580326135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530106024144137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ComputerSaysNahhh,2019/02/02,"Wading through molasses. I had to leave work early, I had 1.9hrs of pto to cover my ass so no one would be suspicious when my check came. I turned off my monitor and my face crumbled into waves, creating rivers across my cheeks. I thought of my daughter; the urge didn’t fade. I wrote on the second page of a little suede bound journal:

“I love you. Mommy loves you. So much.”

I perched in my office chair with a black belt around my neck, just sitting not feeling much but also everything at once. 

I was stuck. 
I am stuck. I’ve been trying to escape for over a year now and I’m so close to being free, escaping the hands that bind me to this house that I don’t have a key for. I can taste it and it’s terrifying but I want it; I need it. Otherwise I will fully disappear. You know the one without the undo button.

I stood on my bare feet and slipped the end of the belt over a bar, the end in my hand and the loop snug around my throat. And I just stood there for a while. Doing nothing. I affixed the end  to fashion a knot so I didn’t have to hold it. I stood there doing nothing for a while. 

Eventually, I let the belt take the weight, my face got hot, eyes unfocused, and I could hear my own breath rasp. 

Not today. Wasn’t right.

On my knees I started calling until somebody picked up. 

There’s a mark around my neck but it’ll fade like all the others.

I’m never sure but one day I hope I’ll be.",0.08465626523647174,2.297914696245733,1.7704202827888835,97.27997952218432,88.0443686006826,4.71375914188201,17.927742564602628,6.18269132825596,-0.3432152315943444,1078,28,248,10,35,350,164,293,0.096,0.8079999999999999,0.096,0.2845,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,0,1,15,6,0,0,22,0,22,18,13,1,3,39,44,20,0,6,9,1,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,14,3,2,3,1,2,2,9,0,0,4,16,9,42,7,34,20,5,37,0,0,2,3,9,18,1,1,17,166,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003460651814778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674659475292452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404997957018171,0.15737193092412854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098583461273559,0.0,0.0,0.08873733941258831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36560477205203706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366144046989212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957212499848786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004722576482842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550794731102115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136662800373804,0.0,0.1587660619650803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561856872458074,0.0,0.0,0.14569315142836242,0.0,0.14070012638619542,0.0,0.06722192693349911,0.13790625570048967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836957180747804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022961937694982,0.10202488852112908,0.10612168351359834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640520702853676,0.0,0.0,0.14653409746413645,0.27971363303969154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750530849208606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973903914277053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968158220575313,0.0,0.10345425472414232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923499569351933,0.0,0.0,0.13042389407430746,0.0,0.0,0.093417917613502,0.14966375982380856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115704782291835,0.0,0.0,0.16755354230204392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263659123381846,0.0,0.10017073932942548,0.0,0.0,0.09774348222727024,0.0,0.0,0.08860661621119305
suicidewatch,throwwaysuicideboy,2019/02/02,"I’ve overdosed. I took 700 mg’s of Zoloft. Hopefully it’s enough to kill me. I wanna make one last post before I die. Forgive me everyone. I wish I could’ve lived to see my baby sister grow up, but I couldn’t take it any more. I’m glad I got to hug you one last time. To my friends, I love you all so much, thank you for making this life a little fun. To my family, I love you so much also. If I pass, remember me before the bullying, anxiety, and depression. If I don’t, I guess I’ll comment underneath that I’m still alive, but as of right now I don’t know if I will. Thank you reddit for all of the laughs you gave me. Thank you all.",-0.7382142857142853,1.1872763928571466,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,88.64285714285714,5.7857142857142865,16.607142857142858,7.1686216300943375,-0.09007142857142814,485,11,120,8,16,168,83,140,0.107,0.581,0.311,0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,7,0,0,5,14,1,0,3,0,4,5,0,2,3,19,22,10,2,7,5,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,3,1,28,12,14,17,7,13,0,1,1,3,14,4,0,5,5,73,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036099970695313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235043658055384,0.0,0.1151380229229682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561420332997105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016819784655887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963211143640124,0.0,0.15620329070818215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551474728835046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381661265078366,0.0,0.0,0.14188531940829416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628192049108893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203748032292639,0.0,0.1658012638472516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948816373537846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651453466309907,0.0,0.08271512768665537,0.2453678215687859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630808052859177,0.0,0.15084831333691442,0.1329011077564389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716782556459233,0.0,0.20093019437266696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212810395699697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397590400354965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441448279905341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049595009606364,0.12853280298365788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993519683215045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019568996888964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316310310503895,0.0,0.0,0.41570196667321946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776228404937368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672196570523196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307649393190827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DogAsMyWitness,2019/02/02,"The walls are closing in I try so hard to get my homework done but I just can't seem to do it even though I know it's important. I know that I'm running out of money but I don't feel like I can handle a job on top of school, but I don't think I can't handle school anyway... I'm just letting it all fall apart. I don't know what I was thinking trying to go back to school for a third time. I'm never going to get my degree. It's going to end the same way it always does, in a huge disaster. I need to email my professors and ask if I can turn in assignments late for partial credit. I need to make an appointment at my University counselling center because I need help. I need to but I just can't. I can't even eat even though I recognize that I'm literally starving to death. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't do my homework. Can't do much of anything except stare at the ceiling and drink coffee practically by the gallon and scream at myself inside my head to just. do . something. And I just can't seem to say any of it out loud. I need so badly to say it out loud. I don't want to die but the more I faint and vomit and waste away and refuse to get help, the more I think I'm letting it happen anyway. I'm drowning but I'm so locked inside my head. I always knew I was capable of mistreating myself but I had no idea the downward spiral could go so deep. ",0.2906644144144153,2.157386557432435,2.6890810810810812,93.35681981981985,83.76351351351352,5.433153153153154,18.988288288288288,6.588339656340683,-0.01867171171171212,1055,27,244,11,30,362,132,296,0.133,0.779,0.08800000000000001,-0.9325,1,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,17,4,0,0,11,0,27,8,3,1,2,48,61,21,3,8,14,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,11,11,3,1,11,1,2,6,15,2,0,1,5,8,35,2,35,53,5,31,0,0,1,0,7,19,0,3,6,159,46,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420995878527654,0.0,0.0,0.07118830549009596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614552312611459,0.0,0.09786485292585316,0.0,0.09835350543860458,0.08049507711208542,0.08740627096761372,0.06381403235939351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358118112923082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086448475355606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160915360614016,0.10712746913334384,0.0,0.10254988400584984,0.0,0.21423451614418296,0.0,0.0,0.09271842559619983,0.0,0.0,0.2074272061293312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529310752075497,0.07478584580925549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640782761838612,0.0,0.2379759671132768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257118976550628,0.0,0.09377576941582803,0.0,0.21487075042198053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033416015656786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817482270683813,0.0,0.0,0.10388212704890994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725937858733671,0.0,0.11808744109744128,0.0,0.0,0.21409174929244507,0.0,0.05114302416651479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987698605431962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695434807293214,0.3881070937154164,0.08073829585242866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649689148306865,0.0,0.3178355854529837,0.0,0.19059968147536965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047590066081526,0.0,0.0,0.08059039992594011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012306979501844,0.20570182880327612,0.0,0.061041735591408464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214632147689693,0.11386548459244053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174498482015558,0.08309281467814622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orangutanbanana,2019/02/02,"Almost there I'm sick of this. The loneliness is getting worse and worse, and I can't do anything about it. My self-confidence is gone. I'm an anxious wreck. My hands shake when I leave the house. I can't talk to anyone. I lost my job. I'm single. I live alone. My family want nothing to do with me. I keep going out for walks, mostly at night, hoping I'll bump into someone, or make a friend, or talk to someone - ANYTHING. Nothing happens, I can't do it. I come home and I cry myself to sleep. I'm getting so much worse and I don't know how to stop it. I'm losing my mind, the lack of social interaction is literally killing me. I haven't spoken a single word out loud for a couple days now. I don't have a future. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. I wish I was fucking dead. I don't even feel like a person anymore. ",-0.9729085457271368,1.1042579310344856,1.873078460769616,95.10802848575716,93.2528735632184,4.175512243878061,17.33533233383309,5.7926816847441245,-0.4367048475762117,616,17,141,5,23,214,98,174,0.308,0.636,0.056,-0.9913,1,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,3,1,9,0,15,4,2,2,0,25,37,9,2,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,4,9,0,2,2,0,0,5,7,6,0,0,3,3,23,3,15,34,5,15,0,2,0,1,6,4,2,5,7,83,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417064056310782,0.13877220716837102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136944478564965,0.1328810957029559,0.09368823239304394,0.0,0.22052308008073732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541966939730085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825629295442525,0.14718063773312934,0.08641182792384736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849847855938764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126312915531228,0.0,0.0677488702440507,0.09572177674373336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351957807934624,0.12387068226328064,0.14000745686045696,0.0,0.07614904313742457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848604055687395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440190354957293,0.13308132143318446,0.0,0.15460532981369945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296341928661135,0.11909559003832244,0.14823898934248902,0.0,0.07363685672492827,0.0,0.0,0.14187501692353785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546026307909487,0.0,0.11831475213963805,0.0,0.0,0.14989943105078174,0.14626483421117206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943870576360795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529070586169414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984973405861396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573961083292678,0.0,0.2571321408944336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699403683520106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397797611396942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408577698000498,0.13658492381255166,0.2270569096360611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202081342718206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153905844110208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079030190646967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408075091653392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409638749827004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wbfnhggfred,2019/02/03,"I HAVE 25 HOURS TO LIVE Let me explain. I am planning to jump off a high rise tomorrow before my birthday. I have tried to stay alive for years. I have tried to hold onto hope. I have tried to get better on my own. I have tried to speak with several therapists, done group therapy, done outpatient treatment, done all psychiatric medications, spoke to spiritual counselors, spoke to school counselors, done day treatment, done inpatient treatment, done residential treatment, spoke to trusted teachers, read self help books, & so much more. Nothing has helped. Nothing has worked. Nothing will work. I am a hopeless cause and I just want to disappear. I am determined to end my life tomorrow. I'm feeling a bunch of mixed emotions about my plan. I am scared of the pain of dying. I am at peace that my fight will finally be over. I am sad that I am going to leave everyone in so much pain. I am so angry at this world and the human race for failing me and for making me this way. I am confused as to what I did to deserve all this pain and misery and suffering. Maybe the reason that I made this post is that I am desperate for someone or something to save me from myself. Maybe this is just me getting all my emotions out before I die. ",3.8318354430379737,5.8420205696202565,4.466099156118144,84.14902215189875,73.26160337552744,7.609198312236288,29.149578059071732,8.395991825355821,2.1993157805907178,973,41,184,17,20,310,130,237,0.179,0.721,0.1,-0.967,0,0,1,0,1,2,32.0,0,0,0,6,6,14,1,2,6,0,30,5,0,4,3,24,43,10,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,10,7,0,1,3,2,0,4,0,10,0,0,11,5,31,4,34,28,8,24,0,4,0,0,11,10,0,3,7,130,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031341947256653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756227863979524,0.0,0.0,0.08188195832933988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510803335226058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970824345501503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921726481043231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5684660587699887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828636566693826,0.08200087615316212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884668279688396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681264284675137,0.0,0.0,0.10141992627945327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674137812602218,0.0,0.052616935849600435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411259157023892,0.097818805842121,0.0,0.09195560527258316,0.09117540348277037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803181178067842,0.0,0.09467218034741502,0.06539396595758458,0.0,0.0,0.08175230399360288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760407898712726,0.06179973443845178,0.0,0.18602372267674397,0.0,0.0,0.09326742554531764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361180137647737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665070657138085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29554386368176616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866872515904073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260784900754032,0.0,0.0,0.09519053268519008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269152878234238,0.09369873108539248,0.0,0.0,0.0965840465215924,0.1045922054660966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844510158170064,0.07127475861423252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986809407116326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587649451112764,0.10749576056763684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25143056146829856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460773110370816,0.07348791312866712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348027545234631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962028439757883
suicidewatch,StartBrokeEndHopeful,2019/02/03,"After years only tears I never told anyone, or asked for help. I've never faced that maybe I have a diagnosable problem. And I've kicked myself for being sad when I know others have it worse. I'm the jokester around my friends, girlfriend and family. Making others laugh has always made me feel better. I don't believe anyone would take me seriously when I tell them I've been in pain since I was a kid, and I feel trapped in my head. Im at college now and the void feels like its growing. I still go through daily life, but it feels jaded. And I feel insignificant.",2.8515929203539803,4.840086238938057,3.8541681415929183,87.55665044247787,75.99115044247787,5.935929203539826,21.919469026548683,6.742157984588678,0.5011741592920358,447,12,89,4,10,144,79,113,0.174,0.71,0.115,-0.765,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,4,0,8,5,2,2,2,20,21,9,0,2,2,0,5,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,4,5,15,4,8,15,0,14,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,9,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455234789797983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24457597068711004,0.0,0.0,0.15569023675045898,0.1634996525677393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704247939543332,0.0,0.15467704374750152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751087478321292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648718474950262,0.0,0.4421511987060399,0.12494229992928993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351204983122085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993946927299112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948881539514647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722587702843724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891249493763204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611562333832734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235308185053454,0.08544300055121926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654862711447403,0.1167412263013159,0.0,0.17570170570916654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697737323691656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330126296678426,0.1860965551904329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673472477163917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467179831021654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966832896280454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314964081908199,0.0,0.1528626072922666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711602530194658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822906233958785,0.1242376823574941,0.0,0.0,0.11262419128901567
suicidewatch,hahduendh,2019/02/03,"I don’t know what to say. I feel like a loser and a fucking failure. I’m in crisis. I just need someone. I have no one in the real world I am a shit person. I feel regret and so much shame and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’ve failed. Death feels like a release and a solution. 

I’ve battled with suicidal thoughts my whole life, but they’re deep and dark tonight. 

I fell in love with a guy. He was separated from his wife. We had an intense and brief romance. He went back to his wife - told me that life was confusing, and blocked me in every way. We have mutual friends - he went back to his wife, and when I tried to get in touch with him to ask what had happened - it ended so suddenly with no warning - he told all of our friends that I’m a psycho and that I was obsessed with him... I did love him, but that wasn’t the case at all. We had a loving relationship. 

Turns out that he wasn’t so separated from her and was covering his ass. Spread lies about me to look better to her. 

I found out tonight that they’re pregnant with a baby. I feel so many emotions - but mostly I just feel abused, worthless, a loser, fucking rejected. 

I am doing nothing with my life. I live at home with my parents. I serve no purpose to society. I have gained weight. This ordeal with this relationship fucking ruined my reputation and destroyed my self confidence. 

I don’t want to die. I just want to stop existing. To have never been. Dying seems like a lot of effort. I don’t think I could do it to my dad - he’s the one person who cares about me and believes me in all of this because he witnessed how that man treated me and claimed he “loved” me. 

It just feels like the straw that broke the camels back. 

I just needed to vent. I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to feel alone anymore. I want life to get better but it won’t. ",0.6476827896512916,2.8365787007874026,2.349431946006749,94.375531496063,84.8267716535433,5.308361454818146,21.407386576677915,6.655083550727371,0.3250236970378704,1419,47,318,16,42,465,169,381,0.198,0.621,0.18,-0.7153,1,2,0,0,1,1,50.0,4,0,0,7,16,34,6,3,17,0,28,15,3,1,4,70,69,23,4,9,9,5,10,5,2,1,4,1,1,5,19,27,1,2,14,0,0,4,13,17,0,2,17,12,53,17,43,50,7,27,0,8,1,8,44,12,5,4,15,204,72,1,0.0,0.09923808224741383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674675907481617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612842916818787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830127819806565,0.0,0.0,0.19321136970297653,0.0,0.051057352576813,0.0,0.0,0.09436520355654096,0.0,0.14815212195401609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539561410706488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687296940691502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385261771381127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421509840889454,0.07418364223359306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056869525340123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387995359918804,0.23934342689606014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183498054744473,0.12942055304028327,0.2322953662693131,0.08751891590378852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829323753724746,0.07406583943314747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401487433478533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206106611237944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366395483761497,0.2045966474903256,0.0,0.07395876673202482,0.0,0.07033459623327881,0.0,0.0,0.07120701484943708,0.3023750377205832,0.0,0.0,0.08491622360304052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061570866729598224,0.12420917462034238,0.06459838824433232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036688444934155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135115166293377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300198658050388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462663703866848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533354652790696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984686228942134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660674915133354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624902218456744,0.08737658289464781,0.0,0.08597512581773943,0.0,0.0,0.0838172630412344,0.0,0.07096684357183344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002441419658775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161631746603376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366795940563132,0.0,0.06649352354812323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006637546952954,0.0,0.05686535221805805,0.09110331972792382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470095794963968,0.06648222935871866,0.0,0.10199318762177058,0.0,0.15528673891119646,0.0,0.0935114480490726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xRaska,2019/02/03,"What are the reason to live I’m not planning suicide but I feel a terrible pain when I think of my actual situation and I literally can’t find any reason to live for...

I live in my room doing nothing all day long. I have a few internet friends (2 actually) but I feel that I don’t really care even if I love them as a friends and the same things is for my mother. I’m 20 but I dropped school and I don’t want to find a job... I don’t find enjoyment from things and I’m feeling empty, frustrated and sad all the time, literally nothing can give me enjoyment anymore.",1.0226190476190489,3.0550513109243687,3.746407563025212,85.8653816526611,82.10924369747899,7.664145658263306,25.04271708683473,8.59863814320734,1.868108683473389,442,18,97,11,12,156,71,119,0.14300000000000002,0.607,0.25,0.9391,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,2,10,1,0,7,0,9,2,0,2,2,23,20,11,1,2,5,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,3,16,6,9,20,4,7,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,1,4,61,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.2887829936099723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062057778241634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674050537943553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150859135116141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542452395675208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772881086219704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444509670633284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40570918122406296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286332020919857,0.0,0.0,0.14194052868700008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683141525797272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39196470568597824,0.13094346286741154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354326550672296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839508517335779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574441030152429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478951204954654,0.30426322199605643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497474434315203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631770880460311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618485745429895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660138228496288,0.09480934148715127,0.0,0.0,0.08627898447313817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727298683398127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badmom12345678,2019/02/03,Does anyone have kids? I have a son and today I failed at protecting him from his father. It’s my fault and I should have fucking stepped up but I’m too chickenshit to do anything. There’s no way out of this for me where my son doesn’t get hurt. I created a huge mess. I just need to keep him safe so either I die or we run away but I can’t do that either. Sorry if I’m not making sense. I just need help. I’m a shitty mother. ,-1.8598660714285733,0.03512369791666714,0.973869047619047,100.29375,98.47916666666666,3.9928571428571433,13.107142857142858,5.773587663045528,-1.1062982142857147,329,6,82,3,14,113,67,96,0.253,0.625,0.122,-0.9315,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,19,17,7,1,4,9,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,15,1,9,16,2,10,0,2,0,1,10,6,1,2,1,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952016509517693,0.0,0.2297325299304357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622887273997868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897336365548696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24430291742397706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25808750004882897,0.14585442603968354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712128314105086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298856487186791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481384823125524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863476615804104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140009662146338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31250715202052903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646198341743641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215915794846987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__sparky,2019/02/03,"My parents don’t realize that they aren’t helping. When i tell them how much it hurts and how much i hate living and how i can’t deal with what’s going on around me because of it, they sometimes reply with “Well it’s going to get harder than this as you grow older.” and hearing that makes me want to die even more. Right now there’s nothing making me happy nothing i enjoy everyday is pain and it doesn’t get better. If it’s supposed to get worse than this, then what’s the point in living?",4.9415857605178015,4.682092689320388,5.539951456310681,85.91957119741105,68.70873786407768,7.64336569579288,26.875404530744337,6.42735559955562,1.02691715210356,389,10,82,2,6,126,68,103,0.206,0.7170000000000001,0.077,-0.9453,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,3,1,9,7,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,5,0,15,15,11,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,0,1,12,4,12,15,3,13,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,1,5,58,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757748363035665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079043757119112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655200889815607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249075969772907,0.0,0.0,0.1837096640691248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691421857916122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774431156425727,0.0,0.20119907186852853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843169845609525,0.0,0.17476189892537589,0.0,0.0,0.19950447082025613,0.0,0.11864686639349155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894941350917901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31260823955318945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631268164834535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602471769958459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396940129777017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883523815702577,0.0,0.1965499736172028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733278535271512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511665852296537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750685886068149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471557819581624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440578339944984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915431393784074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803895204956545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shower-god,2019/02/03,"Fuck I want to die with pain i’m so fucking useless Jesus christ. I can’t socially function around other people. I feel so out of touch with others socially. Like I cannot speak 2 words without fuckinyn up. i don’t have any hobbies other than video games lol. so i guess i’ll just lay and bed and be a pity bitch, listen to music so i can try to relate to someone and not be lonely.",0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,2.487901234567904,93.25555555555556,85.2962962962963,4.587654320987656,20.11111111111111,5.82211442006289,-0.03501481481481461,300,9,64,2,9,100,58,81,0.234,0.664,0.102,-0.924,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,0,14,14,7,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,4,7,1,12,12,0,3,2,3,0,2,5,3,3,1,1,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717128584579803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478403102177624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206154506175233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767470952665375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668757816879336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781640206170511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336176299405807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686843742297068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750559889175214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147964950756948,0.2139476634767164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714351185355913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893468479016647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340694292076526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeatriceSantelloCute,2019/02/03,"There’s nothing left for me I’m just not interested in anything. Gonna be forever alone. No passion for anything. Just pass the time doing absolutely nothing. I don’t wanna puke out my life story if you want just look at post history. At this point I just want to die it’s not worth it. I don’t care if my family is sad when I go they are occupied by their own lives. Suicide is freedom. No student bills to worry about, no worries of growing up missing out of relationship and happiness, don’t need to find passion or interest. Dying is freedom from all this bullshit and this dumb game I get a choice to stop playing ",1.9893114143920627,4.379616975806453,3.8316129032258064,84.58088089330029,80.85483870967742,6.718610421836227,28.08684863523573,7.882392219407189,2.024750124069479,491,23,95,9,13,165,88,124,0.264,0.528,0.208,-0.8337,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,2,0,7,10,1,0,2,0,9,3,0,0,1,20,19,6,3,6,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,2,2,3,8,3,0,0,0,1,11,7,18,17,2,15,0,2,1,2,5,8,1,3,3,63,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869375042772612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970626112173234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840258143088744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746488608232483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015382020077913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496838234747074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943007432819207,0.0,0.1025789844211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192139377988854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610742111267665,0.0,0.12748835535337666,0.0,0.0,0.15937964045878278,0.0,0.15156962662845005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338341245223895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34637800802544344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062531176146226,0.0,0.17286350164384812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378316808057625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090119063811347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974313037263162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524758983397613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292025115915844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36660113960505575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1stthrowaway2019,2019/02/03,"I very desperately could use some insight. A few years ago I moved away from my hometown. I had been intensely serious with a girl for 5 years, and had known for more than half of it that she was cheating on me. From mentors and my own mindset I thought if I stayed I could fix it. I couldn't. And when we split it ruined me. Destroyed my self esteem, destroyed my confidence, and made me realize it was all I had placed my identity in. A friend recently who has not known me for a very long time said recently that even from a couple of comments that he could tell I had never dealt with it.

So I moved, and I was pissed about it. I felt like she had ripped away my right to feel comfortable in my hometown, and had ripped away some solid friendships of mine. But I never dealt with it.

I began working and living with my brother, and that put a strain on our relationship quickly. Home was work and work was home. So there was no ""leave it at work"". Things that happened on the business side effected the personal side and vice versa. And yet I never dealt with it.

Then he got sick, and the world really turned into a psychological hellscape. I couldn't even begin to type out everything that has happened, but it is crazy. To an outsider it would seem unfeasible. A friend of ours lost his wife ten days into their marriage and he moved in with us. And for a while that showed me that my problems were truly quite miniscule to that true pain. He also acted as a witness to some of the crazy shit. Which I am glad for.

I don't know who I am anymore. I seriously don't. I always held myself in such high regard and judged people pretty harshly for the shit in their lives. Mainly my ex, I judged her so harshly and so constantly for the lying and deceit that she did. And here I am a couple years later and I am not at all any different from her. I've lied, I've stolen, I've made the selfish decisions over and over. I had sex in my sister in laws truck and lied about. I took my brother's Adderall and lied about it. I can't figure out why I've been so compelled lately to be such an utter piece of shit. Like truly a bad person. I've fucked up every good opportunity that has been in front of me for the past three years here and I don't even know how to cope or how to begin to rebuild. That was the whole point in moving here and now I've dug myself into a hole that I don't even know how to get out of. I mean I've fully ruined my relationship with my brother. My sick brother that I have time and time again taken advantage of. Who does that? How did I come to be the type of person that would do that to my own brother?

I want to fix it, but I don't know how. I don't know if staying is the right choice. Or if I need to leave and work on myself.

I also want to end it all just as badly. I can't help but feel like at 26 it doesn't improve much from here. But I can't stop thinking about how badly that would scar my mom, and my friends. I've sat on the floor of my room all day, just hoping that if I stay still the wave will pass, but I seriously don't know the first step to take to pick up the pieces.

Additionally, is there a better resource than the Suicide Hotline Lifeline Chat? I've been trying for most of the day to get connected and it has ended up erroring out each time.",2.8300809716599216,4.02510069005848,3.996725146198834,89.83647773279354,74.26315789473685,6.840485829959514,23.09536662168241,7.24557181361754,0.6573347728295094,2568,68,569,27,52,838,279,684,0.16699999999999998,0.738,0.096,-0.9949,2,0,0,0,0,1,66.0,4,0,2,12,37,35,8,1,33,0,56,9,4,12,8,121,94,58,1,17,16,9,3,3,3,4,3,1,3,5,40,46,0,2,20,2,0,11,19,21,0,4,33,4,82,14,91,50,18,93,0,3,0,2,44,42,5,12,40,405,122,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940996801909897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071931501250628,0.055766742693641166,0.0,0.0,0.0455764979538934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646670582275124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889049742870104,0.0,0.16787891083320391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927452366966464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577325553451088,0.0,0.07242576375788838,0.0,0.16053216203820253,0.14831466218793693,0.0,0.12966877302982988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002255694547264,0.0,0.0,0.058650425419509815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872121707016416,0.0,0.0,0.17706664169347391,0.0,0.056467983609892414,0.0,0.06023404714399753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777554330830063,0.04787973143959611,0.06435055692709564,0.0,0.0,0.057007927928927365,0.0,0.0,0.1553405013714568,0.061959725380815164,0.07003128924326385,0.0,0.0,0.05621393597562415,0.0536027217505903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853268909523493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492268441567973,0.07081124145695399,0.13445481824166705,0.06656685810279413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099754375545905,0.0,0.07560247403707074,0.1419308738172134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822905266113,0.0,0.1183613332409046,0.05931137148066755,0.0,0.0,0.07316120969877883,0.0,0.0,0.12683355795170334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300538826260061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849404689509416,0.0,0.2849303637503999,0.04926805973738405,0.0496951347298837,0.15507190754376088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131494369316548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397901536957151,0.046463840811715305,0.17556014694651073,0.07002255694547264,0.0,0.06335639648388597,0.0,0.0,0.0681843313610886,0.0,0.06412993263571289,0.0,0.06737449762779033,0.0,0.07128495769210458,0.0,0.0,0.04293529312978832,0.0,0.13235007088567707,0.1439106906480625,0.0,0.114470933938466,0.06375220633949903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101329377746936,0.06991739656041851,0.0,0.20638791654436411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430602816422384,0.05352296288079264,0.05603245828687268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733099668981247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039136235695309,0.0,0.05857920486858584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452569591092665,0.042944274953808176,0.0,0.05320709394437114,0.15632166087566074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446266583824042,0.0455027794617656,0.0728994740051573,0.0,0.0,0.08061786889387076,0.057884523390102686,0.0,0.11059849316763157,0.07906130522268193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047592150720711,0.07482642121710242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439600012862023,0.0,0.0,0.14282913479232778,0.0,0.0,0.17263700237858803
suicidewatch,NASUHDUDE,2019/02/03,"I don't know anymore I keep falling in love just to be hurt, my belief is without love there isn't a point to life, but its so hard to continue when that one point to life doesn't ever actually make you happy, I've never self-harmed but i think about suicide twice a week, i dont matter to anyone and im a fucking idiot, so i might as well game over right?",0.9887362637362642,2.575702012820514,3.1275091575091603,92.48653846153849,80.15384615384616,5.482783882783883,20.117216117216124,6.18269132825596,-0.034863003663003767,279,7,64,2,7,95,57,78,0.214,0.628,0.158,-0.5796,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,0,8,7,2,0,3,0,7,5,0,1,2,14,14,7,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,3,1,2,0,1,7,4,10,12,0,11,1,1,0,3,4,5,1,1,5,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.18418637542381608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718278023116872,0.1319738050134373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212059114595438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707292514656199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744902732214362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092090651597594,0.1690770534291332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205376119864668,0.0,0.20387530877590815,0.0,0.0,0.16776384585568088,0.0,0.0,0.1037284611203706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666301535473612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406966556924596,0.0,0.12598771493074906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002269679103223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557058018992006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789744282373955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568471249623044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118587046724192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969005762013341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064546941628154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209391782150582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139860648117778,0.0,0.16970302393028613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819419453315222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BruceBilliz,2019/02/03,"I need a coping method I have been thinking about ending my life today after an appointment with a psychologist. I don't want to tell a professional because in the past I've ended up in hospital because of doing that and it was just not helpful and took me years to get over it. I don't want to tell the people around me because it would worry them and cause them all to be upset plus it would be so selfish of me to worry them like that as a lot of them have had to deal with suicidal friends and family before. As far as they know I'm sad but dealing with things fine. I just wish I had someone close enough to ask me if I want to talk but sadly no one is but I guess that's why we have psychologists.
Im dealing with childhood trauma mixed with a recent break up on top of working into a new career. What are some things I can do to stop thinking about just ending things because it would be easier than dealing with all of these issues? I don't want to do it because I know people around me would blame themselves and would hurt so many of them and I don't think I'm ever actually going to. I just want to stop thinking about it.",5.511840311587144,4.8303846371308055,6.3073417721519025,82.31304771178192,67.60759493670886,8.811295034079844,28.779292437520283,7.882392219407189,1.654619214540733,897,25,190,9,13,297,121,237,0.182,0.755,0.063,-0.9717,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,6,2,12,9,0,1,9,0,25,1,0,1,3,54,45,16,1,13,9,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,15,18,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,5,0,26,3,42,32,5,28,0,3,0,0,17,12,0,4,14,142,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.09380747850010053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114936168356565,0.08986710328311849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929949857125322,0.0,0.0817982115678255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875037478650828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964167508688196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554237628788381,0.09932636230559497,0.0,0.0,0.08695366608603396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062132619013033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426858459199953,0.0,0.05022313578877582,0.0,0.0546320006010534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589630045234494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443285862032082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290746976204214,0.0,0.10383519736837392,0.1003331033096346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565933950334397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789835116419378,0.04696349401828054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172495143399842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745913748232207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127801091625706,0.0,0.09284143424661112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513911026425695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176546116055513,0.13328669579386912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491522508826053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144930463094817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607353393906686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514889735660056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726438870524008,0.1680409652487722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915903673333536,0.2463808592600588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111850922183552,0.0,0.10680221992194457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349518556225484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674095395437721,0.0,0.11054294748643817,0.0,0.0,0.0699826400685913,0.1952461685234096,0.0,0.3414343840104029,0.0,0.0,0.061903555584342074
suicidewatch,especiallygirlgiants,2019/02/03,"I gotta let this out I keep hanging on but I really just want to die. I’ve been chronically suicidal for the better part of 10 years. I hate myself. I’m ugly and worthless. I’m annoying. I’m stupid. I’ll never be good enough. I’m a burden to my family, nobody needs me around. I’m so anxious all the time, and nothing even feels real. I’m not sure anything is real. I can’t sleep, I have nightmares every night. I’m starving myself, throwing up all the time. I don’t want to be alive, I feel like I’m alive because I have to be not because I want to be. My dog was my best friend and she died this week and if she died I want to die too. I’ve failed a few suicide attempts, I fail at everything. I’m just so sick and tired of existing because I’m such a worthless person. I make no difference in the world, I’m useless. I guess I’m just venting, but I’m really starting to think again about ending my life. My life means nothing, it’s not like it would matter. ",0.4727743271221527,2.387775545893721,2.904527260179435,91.79521739130438,83.39613526570048,5.681987577639752,21.45134575569358,6.868970318607317,0.4800708074534166,746,24,167,9,21,257,114,207,0.371,0.4970000000000001,0.132,-0.9974,0,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,5,11,16,3,0,7,0,13,6,1,1,4,36,41,10,6,7,9,0,2,2,1,2,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,2,2,24,7,17,32,6,18,0,5,0,0,4,7,0,2,11,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131063013806665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546979421850273,0.10327722650818527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216352225356624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174973604362052,0.10260512422709836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816176562970462,0.12121013732863188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275413847071263,0.11987367194550315,0.0,0.07662627905996973,0.0,0.09774695964553076,0.0,0.10426607431471804,0.0,0.10936785436236808,0.0,0.11732052170444067,0.08288056129642217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963227625156582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973071992314452,0.0,0.0,0.1278027110427237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453999521058207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311874357211988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863237059287725,0.1638885082301793,0.11335734732821975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744037341846212,0.0,0.0,0.12637346482406694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602305268378982,0.08947729621769855,0.0,0.0,0.10887145932243593,0.0,0.22263749054445495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563206345158753,0.0,0.0,0.1012991167850482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640990964015172,0.14864332305257774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609797515273597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211544157625207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538013903776383,0.0,0.10934200213208198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433720920364316,0.0,0.0,0.1352976155736037,0.13334124628261085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737127029189914,0.0,0.09305958622538456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824131527415708,0.0,0.0,0.07470933538819075
suicidewatch,whatusernamedoido,2019/02/03,There’s a pipe in the closet I have never found a fool proof way of killing my self that could end up going wrong. I just found out that there is a pipe in my dorm room in the closet on the ceiling. I was curious so I hopped up and grabbed it and dangled from it and it held my weight easily. I know that I could hang myself from it. It’s a comforting thought that I have a way out.,1.16714285714286,2.4530642857142912,2.71619047619048,96.96214285714287,78.76190476190476,6.2285714285714295,20.333333333333336,6.868970318607317,0.02259047619047605,296,7,74,3,7,97,48,84,0.092,0.787,0.121,0.0788,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,8,0,6,1,0,0,2,15,12,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,9,5,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,2,11,1,11,5,0,15,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,53,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816730117723992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169909461664946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241420251330796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358394959104738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644381171043937,0.0,0.13135809835317575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843454957625043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24934800897545034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975367492315093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794428890137144,0.0,0.2910596571762461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613287735576897,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_ADVICEPLS,2019/02/03,"I think I've finally snapped I think I'm writing this out more for my own thoughts but I think I've finally reached that point. I've spent the last 2 years wanting to passively die and now I don't see a way forward. I've spent tonight looking at methods and the only issue I have is that my flatmates are going to find me, I feel disgusting for putting other people through that but I can't keep being this way and I just want to find peace. Is it better to leave a letter or not?",1.2632352941176492,3.26145512745098,2.7330980392156867,93.63494117647059,81.05882352941177,5.648627450980393,25.88627450980392,6.742157984588678,0.9308321568627448,381,16,84,4,10,124,66,102,0.132,0.753,0.115,-0.3919,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,20,21,6,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,7,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,3,3,11,1,9,17,2,14,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,7,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958002885481765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899770276354456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695040869433943,0.0,0.0,0.4200875107492516,0.3504970392129658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897127623326676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012860952934364,0.0,0.1704289102728291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629514782599271,0.0,0.2030268670858196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101480966210413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582826921588532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329296125510462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125796512091047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275345535415536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279337933206102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36858118471273504,0.0,0.15222156109851878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618854764114216,0.30439141132203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347542431518885
suicidewatch,Nilah1,2019/02/03,"Just thought I should tell someone I’m 19, my parents were abusive and controlling, I didn’t realize it till a year ago or two because I was so brainwashed. The night I turned 18 I moved out and was homeless living with random guys and getting addicting to cocaine while still trying to finish highschool. I’ve been raped a few times, I can’t remember how many anymore. I had to move back in with my shitbag dad because I was robbed and I couldn’t take the sexual abuse anymore. I met a really, really amazing guy who is in the navy and stationed here, he’s helped me so much. We dated for 2 months when we first met and I ended up breaking up with him because I wasn’t feeling it. We’re still close, but he’s leaving for Florida in a few months and I’m going to be alone, going with him isn’t an option. I don’t have any good friends other than him, I’m surrounded by horrible people. I smoke weed daily just to get by, the rapes left me pretty fucked up, I can’t find a decent job, recently I tried to get my life together and go into the navy but my ex trying to look out for me told me I wouldn’t be able to handle the stress and bullshit people go through there. I’m going nowhere in life, I have no one, I’m terrified of ending up a druggie or a drunk piece of shit like the rest of my family. I’m ready for all of this to end. I tried calling everyone on my contacts list to try and get help but not one person answered. I feel like I’m trapped in my head and I just wanna die man. I’m over it",2.8682935804824865,3.7421343573667727,4.430415701240289,88.0019054109309,73.76489028213166,7.428703829903232,26.40875017036936,7.7425588080867325,1.3354960065421841,1176,40,258,15,23,395,177,319,0.181,0.731,0.08800000000000001,-0.9886,2,2,3,0,1,1,26.0,2,0,0,2,12,10,4,1,15,0,20,9,2,2,1,46,47,22,1,4,9,3,2,2,1,2,3,0,0,4,6,21,1,1,7,1,0,7,10,5,0,4,12,3,37,5,42,30,6,44,0,0,1,3,24,17,2,4,21,161,43,2,0.0973374710708156,0.23065797295571755,0.0,0.10611221101754184,0.0,0.0,0.08628379509734255,0.0,0.0,0.1008122645840253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619281817226318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930652318870779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484650696993844,0.0,0.17800805673307898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939244094499096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917225057908132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102092736671664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258636324230036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301012491384736,0.0,0.0,0.09176110491248357,0.0,0.09843350007433932,0.06953790878193702,0.0,0.0,0.0889646851417542,0.08279520316796561,0.0,0.0,0.07520268869327536,0.08998692352985631,0.20341924471415154,0.0,0.27659563976222795,0.08164205258916495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927587994710183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989632717974062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048651014587362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659242061960717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306632744268013,0.10575744712403773,0.0,0.13750466885665155,0.09510834331924796,0.0,0.08595077026066862,0.0,0.0817389606309614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868491794561164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553876815101651,0.2069086547475273,0.07155424103001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134462277883644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191677902227186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808174251106564,0.0,0.0,0.13496309301983656,0.08499132525775438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990272015315369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471375287271795,0.0,0.09610900980242368,0.0,0.11026437991726372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999155152771473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824737233662694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554676602661811,0.0,0.11149974424263344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731856644475134,0.0,0.08507724003859794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727507932920111,0.05675826214859971,0.0,0.0,0.09301012491384736,0.0,0.33042876728837645,0.10587521736660306,0.0950845655484631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268214003525834
suicidewatch,Tonttumiees,2019/02/03,"Next September Been planning to end my life next September when I turn 20 y/o. I lost all my irl friends because of my depression and anxiety, never had and probably never will have a girlfriend because I don't have the looks or personality to attract girls. I was bullied for 9 years. I have nothing but this insane f*cking pain inside me. I can distract myself with music and games to not feel so bad but if I think about my shitty life for more than few minutes its enough to get me sad, angry and more suicidal. I just cant take my shit life anymore.",4.24218181818182,5.51334462727273,5.327045454545456,81.3605681818182,70.9090909090909,8.045454545454545,31.022727272727273,8.472884824447931,2.3985454545454545,439,19,84,7,8,145,81,110,0.338,0.605,0.057,-0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,1,1,2,0,10,5,1,0,3,16,17,10,1,1,6,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,2,16,2,10,12,5,7,0,3,1,0,5,0,1,2,7,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069495625760287,0.0,0.18239488886507704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356187184336745,0.22422652632355453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840626567235302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289466226282542,0.1900340131928902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929932703634628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209276224926554,0.0,0.09608832768594132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38971515299876464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444281183627215,0.0,0.2007656396847592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836941492478597,0.0,0.3911927254907887,0.0,0.0,0.17647201061210194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956992011010984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605880372489925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982921594103074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878675488843366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011738523757104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382816678378275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784571178356812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004739658606505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843563808778515
suicidewatch,Logan3167,2019/02/03,"I’m tired I’ve been thinking about ending my life lately. I’m 24, in college and living in my car and about to break my bank and go into debt. This girl I was seeing for a little bit ghosted me. She doesn’t know my situation. My parents have abused me my whole life and I feel like it’s just going to be a burden on friends if I ask for help. I bought some sleeping pills and have just been holding them for hours that just seemed like minutes. Idk what to do, I have an interview on Monday but I’m super anxious because it’s my dream job but I’m scared because it’s a huge step out of my comfort zone. Any advice would help..",0.9821297359357076,2.873615410447762,2.6076119402985083,94.72642365097592,81.4626865671642,4.720091848450059,20.755453501722158,5.369823440869387,-0.19200160734787586,491,14,110,2,13,161,87,134,0.111,0.735,0.155,0.7964,3,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,1,4,0,10,5,1,0,0,20,23,8,1,2,6,1,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,4,1,3,4,1,2,0,0,4,2,17,5,15,17,3,17,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,3,6,65,23,3,0.0,0.2142014092714668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666162530706958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229404278071132,0.0,0.0,0.20423630332245166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901015978893455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041048411953792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737108489829025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012240816695186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914106465311494,0.129153290198568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967452928406293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548927947714746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423535939902471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803742906339298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940184210007187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935505429831727,0.0,0.203934065113918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538847387821056,0.17664545397152656,0.18119469535458005,0.15963702344109176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074104758417105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809979539436013,0.0,0.1440627407199196,0.16458044772354835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321062274708954,0.18091619122534505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584013190369452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778648705073605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184069967402968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842492456274526,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CeticSchism,2019/02/03,"Life comes around, but never gets back around Writing is everything I do to avoid committing suicide. And it works. Not so well because I want attention and people who say ""wow, you do write well"", and that never happens, but still. 

​

I've tried, friends. I got a new relationship. She had a daughter and I treated her as my own; I was happy but not so much. So today it is a goodbye. 

​

I will see you there.

Somewhere...",1.5799561883899251,4.293285265060241,2.5647754654983608,90.11371303395404,87.9156626506024,4.9458926615553125,25.61774370208105,6.574015621080383,1.1416602409638559,339,15,64,4,11,107,59,83,0.132,0.7290000000000001,0.138,-0.1248,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,0,1,10,7,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,0,3,20,13,11,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,2,0,3,2,11,6,4,9,2,9,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,6,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341896355638714,0.3834256157965317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809048085980376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131854861851366,0.0,0.09617763054697588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590842195403044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179719304489327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189588283849308,0.0,0.08243045844379575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261863654226924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951912078551296,0.16795346952226484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144051692792058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598212155374588,0.0,0.2433702338618715,0.15237921462558304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938069941465893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693903444198566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546830159621886,0.0,0.0,0.12572553531555894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259986047724624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257926407496976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955140434599712,0.0,0.0,0.10711826133805052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930592554427005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837157382150789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486142817172232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834256157965317,0.0
suicidewatch,akskdqieirkff,2019/02/03,"drunk!?? guys how did 1.5 beers make me drunk??? 5.6 alc perfectage each, 5’2 110 lbs is this possible? i will kill myself PLEASE i’m so sad i want to die ",-2.0705357142857146,-0.958561624999998,-0.16339285714285626,104.37625000000004,118.375,4.328571428571428,10.821428571428573,6.18269132825596,-1.0540946428571427,116,2,29,2,7,37,29,32,0.362,0.532,0.107,-0.9191,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,4,6,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054916895754304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868608877163547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322588832366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26079964011483064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288784387840617,0.0,0.4404629035400466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044883200134536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,telexscope,2019/02/03,"my birthday's coming up soon, and i honestly doubt i'll get to it. tbh, i'm feeling like im just gonna snap eventually, and i'll kill myself one way or another.  i honestly want to stop feeling this way, but idk. i'll probably be dead by the end of the month.",2.3039473684210527,2.8571070701754415,5.0797807017543875,84.02388157894737,74.78947368421052,9.208771929824564,28.285087719298247,9.516144504307137,2.3290035087719296,201,8,47,5,4,73,43,57,0.229,0.615,0.156,-0.81,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,8,4,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,3,5,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920951384431756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995534173201385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467220621243935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281697277357636,0.19900378999244664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455364468266567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008933122792989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081860962817587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136090667033041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234445988038173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887599113121972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003355038968324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328891835107461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430229355935624,0.44221696935182975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ksjsnbdnslalxnk,2019/02/03,"Drugs Im writing this looking at my last $40 with no food and no rent and no doubt in my mind i'm using the last of my money to be high later tonight and for the next 2 days. After those 2 days im broke again, withdrawals, stealing and it goes on. This has been my day to day for the last year. I dont know why i keep going. My only purpose left is to go to my shit job to make money for drugs and i suppose If im dead i miss out on feeling good for an hour or two a day. Theres nothing and nobody in my life worth staying alive for. Theres nobody in my life who hasnt just been bracing themselves to get a text one morning like oh joe finally did it. My familys been waiting for the oh his brains are all over the counter and it cost our crew 2 grand to pick it up call. Even in removing myself from everyone's life itll just bring them misery. Think ill just do everything at once enjoy a little bliss and take my gun deep into the woods tomorrow. If they do find me hopefully they cant identify me.  ",1.4716894977168948,2.7629971050228326,3.2180136986301378,93.66117579908678,77.94977168949772,6.1452054794520565,22.668949771689498,6.691623216298621,0.3925086757990868,782,23,184,7,18,261,137,219,0.145,0.753,0.101,-0.8832,2,0,2,1,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,0,7,10,1,1,10,0,14,9,2,3,1,31,30,11,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,9,11,1,2,4,0,5,4,6,5,0,2,4,2,22,5,29,24,1,38,0,2,1,0,8,16,1,5,18,107,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338676762153085,0.12244925476646393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866845865061169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405425083617878,0.0,0.278132638427053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920442932491925,0.0,0.0,0.11458638477084605,0.1077741868110766,0.0,0.1130476201837076,0.0,0.060633930576412476,0.0,0.0,0.1313638452164423,0.10960249383723288,0.0,0.14500481136384452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265198510968885,0.0,0.13630384620207886,0.10058117500787184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266995051297416,0.0,0.11910521276191367,0.11809465881147832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38859468672437136,0.0,0.1189996926175279,0.10658825324064572,0.0,0.0,0.06590356477444896,0.2932464938623208,0.0,0.0,0.13029079941309926,0.0,0.25410399525842803,0.0585856713588531,0.12018891667285167,0.0,0.0,0.10070056353869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004591451605797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108256916021652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753370467937386,0.0,0.0,0.1150641503230565,0.0,0.0,0.1277083069248039,0.08125925437030708,0.09120272179142078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309367059478085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781618264774885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901630947583458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768383419475937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714204903817753,0.0,0.0,0.10357028513128458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820696219379401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722298860466137
suicidewatch,JoacoJuarez,2019/02/03,"Acne last year I started having problems with my appearance, I had a lot of acne and that made me think about suicide a couple of times, now I don't have acne but the fucking scars are all over  my face. My friends usually joke about that, and say that I look like freddy Krueger or deadpool, I started wearing a hoodie to hide it but now I don't even go outside, I'm 15 and I suck at school,  and I don't know what to do with my life. I only see 1 option.
",2.4875510204081657,3.205283673469392,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142857,74.51020408163265,6.416326530612245,26.244897959183675,6.18269132825596,0.8128408163265304,352,12,79,2,7,119,65,98,0.111,0.7809999999999999,0.108,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,4,0,8,4,2,1,1,17,20,7,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,3,14,3,10,18,2,12,0,0,2,1,2,2,2,4,9,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26973820676796506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101455413862684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834401427454367,0.22537091032684134,0.0,0.0,0.13854593240975965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397524846461398,0.19871343839563865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218919804571695,0.11909871497287593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471401003566492,0.0,0.0,0.2072532485172676,0.0,0.2306707642737418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854058631649615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332647733423424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386383720729392,0.0,0.246718624986894,0.19426129469461093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450978274163353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26665602331699045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620453899982395,0.0,0.0,0.14215022257934332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684895012923941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698648655650152
suicidewatch,criminal007,2019/02/03,I feel so empty instead like something’s missing in my life and I can’t figure it out Honestly my life is terrible ,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,87.75,6.533333333333335,28.83333333333333,7.793537801064563,2.4609333333333336,93,5,17,2,3,33,21,24,0.263,0.5329999999999999,0.205,-0.1604,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879872075012116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.80459570313967,0.2782587856968529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43847596397903854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Respectedblock9,2019/02/03,"Losing hope. I would like to stop existing. I've been going through depression for a long time now. Just recently started experiencing social anxiety as well. Every day just seems to get worse and worse, with stress and the anxiety. I just want everything to end. Attempted suicide about 5 times now, and apparently I'm bad at killing myself like everything else I do in life.",3.737941176470589,6.831795441176473,4.73088235294118,76.28397058823529,79.88235294117645,9.282352941176473,29.088235294117645,9.516144504307137,3.6095823529411764,302,14,51,10,8,98,53,68,0.3720000000000001,0.502,0.126,-0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,10,4,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,4,4,10,8,0,13,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,12,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28102744120512396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533640617215755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845758119116018,0.0,0.15820221526368633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344000420965406,0.0,0.16268483014372792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154757246410386,0.0,0.33015718572693664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596455188421282,0.0,0.10438885135065212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243441687856896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321329310622446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973771431860642,0.17947229250422134,0.0,0.0,0.16254989012151655,0.0,0.205489508217038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813605801296808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721421123624014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723732723571573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300087457676208,0.0,0.0,0.15356363729910336,0.2104033569977024,0.0,0.0,0.20091471106828748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142090813667494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083384699761961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514923120846686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743686223869061,0.1304800950590712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Corg_Daddy,2019/02/03,"I think tomorrow is the end I've been feeling depressed for a while now. My relationship is over, I've stopped caring about my job and my physical appearance, and my physical fitness. I have no one left in this world. I'm too far gone I think",1.9255102040816323,4.219501959183674,3.644244897959183,86.39004081632655,80.42857142857143,8.001632653061224,28.16734693877552,8.841846274778883,2.4509069387755105,192,9,40,5,5,64,36,49,0.147,0.7170000000000001,0.135,-0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,7,1,4,9,0,13,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,5,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34099727529631363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880640069493362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29622621884885497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910956120656412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33189314317839536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633843247261462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266341093163593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590775161731072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796178081853206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286081462003191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArtsyKitty,2019/02/03,What is the fucking point? Seriously. ,3.620000000000001,3.736024333333333,5.246666666666666,62.79000000000002,139.0,7.866666666666667,36.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,4.9949333333333366,30,2,4,1,2,10,6,6,0.28300000000000003,0.7170000000000001,0.0,-0.2449,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6991825235885354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7149432136249474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chocolateoatmilk,2019/02/03,"I’m only not killing myself right now because of my bird I’ve been crying so hard I’ve thrown up and almost passed out. I haven’t been happy in years. I can’t remember what my day was like today or yesterday or any day before. There is literally no point in me being here right now. 

My roommates have so many people over and they’re being so loud and nobody even thought to warn me there would be 20 people in the room directly above me when I have midterms and huge assignments and have to be awake at 5 am tomorrow morning. I want to take all my pills and see what happens and go to the bathroom and slit my wrists and bleed out where nobody would even notice I’m gone for weeks until they have to call maintenance to drag out my dead body. My school would send out an email, a reminder to students that there are counselors with a 4 month waiting list available, and nobody would remember me. 

I have wanted to do this so many times before but I just haven’t because I have a cockatiel I raised since she was a baby and I wouldn’t be able to uncover her cage in the morning. The only thing that makes me sad is thinking about her waiting for me to uncover her in the morning. Usually that stops me but I have never been so close to actually just killing myself. She would find a better home and a better person to take care of her than me. I just wish I could tell her that I’m sorry. ",5.149314415907206,5.1814934964788755,5.5506462303231165,85.02219138359571,68.26056338028171,8.372493786246894,27.973487986743994,7.928766900206844,1.5489981772990884,1099,32,230,12,17,352,149,284,0.06,0.835,0.105,0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,2,19,8,2,0,12,0,32,4,2,1,2,48,50,23,3,10,8,0,1,1,0,6,2,1,2,1,8,18,0,3,5,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,7,3,37,5,32,31,1,39,0,1,1,0,13,19,0,3,17,159,45,4,0.11309395654305893,0.0,0.11036338758666432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324726108969747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690776860629821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788205241699025,0.0,0.19246925450930272,0.0,0.0,0.20004482815888164,0.0,0.12562189051185813,0.0,0.0,0.11548157429283795,0.0,0.11530682601273995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029632176063357,0.0,0.12422840077946927,0.1458724918813681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939498336436682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336582741058224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427390175467168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000861227249982,0.12039061971366295,0.1013099711456604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344245953027045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502434133024144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525199457053877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549109418145664,0.2293190422725623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027051713338724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722503130727434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875821910596952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720261003197143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681021921966312,0.0987492806161408,0.0,0.0,0.10691034413045207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562268128280821,0.19316324190578424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445712181975433,0.09012124104090403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355248953311836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265994252113576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945516116821506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006516120765738,0.0,0.0988491028365482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513459945115014,0.07246604081897406,0.0,0.08978396877765596,0.06594599553776444,0.0,0.1071998470735753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245570153383478,0.0,0.1334114914649451,0.0,0.09071715021654402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005246866756984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016935095202852,0.0,0.0,0.07282880008271453
suicidewatch,vampirenessdeath,2019/02/03,"Why? Life is fine, I'm not in a terrible situation. Why am I depressed? Why do I want to die so badly? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I so messed up? I should be happy, I should be able to smile. But no the stupidest shit makes me want to kill myself",-1.6965677966101682,0.21871822033898525,1.286249999999999,98.9764936440678,95.61016949152544,4.983898305084747,14.154661016949152,6.6274283507984215,-0.6607135593220339,201,4,52,3,8,70,39,59,0.446,0.402,0.151,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,4,0,9,4,1,1,0,8,15,3,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,2,6,11,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,33,9,0,0.18841716111442533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732045934046765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622834247774838,0.0,0.1955472660034029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483772586732017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057357160918027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084556724482134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308461305256475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257699181271128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340750825659747,0.0,0.2117887834622007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222266646691203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6800687259643678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206004587457146,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deejahvuu,2019/02/03,"It’s sad that I only need one thing to settle my suicidal ideation is... A job. 

I suffer from chronic gastrointestinal issues that have me in the bathroom more than 15 times a day. 
It’s forced me to drop out of college. It’s gotten me laid off from every position I’ve had. 
Over 16 years of rounds and rounds of testing. 
My husband quit school to take care of me. He works at the post office and we make barely enough to scrape by. He does side work as well. I have other health ailments that stack up considerable medical bills. 

I’ve applied to every state assistance place for the last 10 years. Have fought for disability. Been to new and old doctors begging and pleading for help. 
I’m not qualified to do anything as I have almost no work experience except for when I was younger and had a few retail jobs. I’m going to be 30 in a few months. My ailments have been going on since I was 13. But recently over the past 5 years have taken a turn for the worst. 

No one knows my days revolve around thoughts of suicide and how releasing it feels. 
I have anger outbursts and it’s at the point to where I damage everything around me and now I stab myself, bang my head against doors, smack myself and scratch myself in the face, anything to release these thoughts. I NEED to take the burden off my husband and I NEED to create an income. I spend all day online, on the phone, calling and asking places that have work from home options or places that can accommodate my gastrointestinal issues. I’m in a swimming pool of “not enough experience hun” responses and I’m running out of places and literally feel I’m running out of time. 
",4.051415094339621,5.743867827044022,4.54752955974843,85.11476603773588,71.9874213836478,7.226364779874214,27.185408805031447,7.839951260653429,1.5710607295597487,1291,46,252,17,25,409,175,318,0.138,0.831,0.031,-0.9879,3,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,5,7,9,2,0,16,0,18,7,2,2,1,38,42,19,2,3,5,2,5,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,13,19,0,0,6,2,3,5,4,7,1,2,11,5,28,2,52,30,7,49,0,3,2,0,10,25,0,3,16,160,41,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846301959119466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183397696523066,0.17506861130867835,0.0919250227949863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040564692343043,0.0,0.10025371174052836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024362118420615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064464390979518,0.08604900821599452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320178987676488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656940747090283,0.0,0.08837241981628176,0.1923706853246101,0.0,0.0,0.09943693061499018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117661016571551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100914669771595,0.10451990350059644,0.0,0.0,0.06590834444456553,0.0,0.09863273520014952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526137979040515,0.1951541664135078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540394473478741,0.08015185278295933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563585744879177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905685685114134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848585132643515,0.0,0.0,0.21873074369436302,0.0,0.09496746470787984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318050942783548,0.0,0.1332615379183313,0.07478418958212571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386685228298744,0.0,0.0,0.41093455229408143,0.0,0.092953376596723,0.0,0.0941726992451894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458577011590237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708874450244584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995149350160794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133936769038971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511352726974792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478634373903866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653259025123406,0.0,0.0,0.1561256420979137,0.11467371110110583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695450873106194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884102350252138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28634085437433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996336424422067
suicidewatch,GTninja,2019/02/03,"Why do I relate to suicide so much? Although I’m not suicidal, have stable mental health, and a wonderful life, I still can’t help but relate to suicidal people so much. It’s like this feeling in the back of my head, that the people in this sub might be me in the future. I have much of the same problems: fat, no ulterior goals, unable to get a girlfriend, and sort of a social outcast that is unable to relate to people or even strike up a simple “hello”. Sorry if this seems like a dumb question but I genuinely want to know. Also if my initial hypothesis is correct, how can I avoid the same situation.",5.706678571428569,5.649684024999999,7.025714285714287,75.22500000000002,67.08333333333334,9.19047619047619,30.47619047619048,8.841846274778883,2.4513690476190484,473,16,88,7,7,162,78,120,0.157,0.679,0.165,0.265,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,10,0,9,4,2,1,1,22,16,12,3,4,6,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,13,14,5,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,8,5,68,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936614537209756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438992801849398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068465143674853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179497270175386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451732162241256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602106698433786,0.17195226362573254,0.0,0.0,0.10842996060556873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890369188388615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142618176433772,0.15806375552290114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302451693396475,0.17161072737102662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567552014705125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364495573447451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479052865551932,0.0,0.0,0.1812176505215708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726789208522614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183447958264415,0.0,0.16490253010085945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810864996955051,0.0,0.0,0.1291884675224801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308451794112757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541520416941153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597083571263944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754309486647462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cutedeadgrrl,2019/02/03,i'm sad it never goes away,-3.8000000000000007,-2.3880052857142857,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,101.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.5074571428571426,21,0,6,0,1,8,7,7,0.383,0.617,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7729269729605036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6344949916824506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Freckles225,2019/02/03,"2am thoughts I really want to die but I feel terrible even admitting that. Compared to most of the world I have a great gig. I have friends. I have a family. I’m studying to be a doctor- something I’ve always wanted to do... and yet I spend every day thinking about killing my self, how..where....when. I cut my legs regularly but I couldn’t even tell you what I’m so damn sad about??? Yes I lost someone I deeply cared about a few months ago but even so I just feel like this has always been inside me... like I’ll never be happy and it’s always been my destiny to kill my self? I Donno. I don’t even know why I’m posting this.. guess I just wanted to tell someone given I can’t tell anyone else in my life. ",-0.4878389682816327,1.6593325827814596,1.8101359358661568,96.23994423143957,90.72185430463577,4.503450679679331,17.881143255489718,6.05967700443912,-0.3240145695364243,544,15,125,5,19,183,91,151,0.232,0.614,0.154,-0.9448,0,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,0,1,12,13,4,0,5,1,12,3,1,0,1,20,28,7,3,4,5,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,5,2,22,6,11,20,2,8,0,2,0,0,8,2,1,2,7,72,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172200228801632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33009505336205364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924631070544123,0.13549231923394175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482432088589927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528185335561286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724101268311673,0.0,0.0,0.1353500586697557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046695202036462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493648706215455,0.0,0.11141528183654888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466116963464052,0.0,0.13372588813312378,0.09447005951999914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216589197694004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579163633659056,0.1456738411295551,0.0,0.0,0.14076862667379106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926010490561912,0.0,0.07267393559036757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340282501089472,0.12920852829200638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435218467167485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555022273514984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198924050650073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664638546835896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471433685038078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759038288624885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240877728917629,0.10180241722694892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467426072064164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473205861748855,0.0,0.10498131841345447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339902288154496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932322368015448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway618816,2019/02/03,"I want to die and it only gets worse I can feel any chance at good things in life slipping further and further away, I want to die more each day.

Genuinely feel there’s no reason why I should be in the world when I only make other people and myself unhappy. 

Tried and I cannot get past this ",2.351803278688521,3.8475481147540975,3.482754098360658,91.8224918032787,76.04918032786884,6.191475409836067,20.39672131147541,6.742157984588678,0.18205311475409847,229,5,50,2,5,74,45,61,0.236,0.653,0.111,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,12,11,5,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,9,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708304681697466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702536944885312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897126705632438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794681810266119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335938327976383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136844164686336,0.0,0.0,0.1937458280703872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315706848551212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418950902444045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35136091528795593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050879549300284,0.16014134497360252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374991030604193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346137350022046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568289701355696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724911142200813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843510221049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540143004063746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ltrfsn,2019/02/03,"I'm coming close to actually doing it There's not much else I can do. I've found the perfect suicide implement to hang myself with. Just need to find something high enough to attach it to. I talk about suicide now because people say that people that talk about doing it don't do it. People that have done it just did it. I don't want to die, but it seems I'm left with no other options. Nobody gives a fuck",1.0793986928104573,3.2715095411764707,2.808627450980392,91.74771241830068,83.0,4.718954248366012,18.8562091503268,5.82211442006289,-0.19741830065359434,321,8,67,2,9,106,54,85,0.16399999999999998,0.785,0.051,-0.867,0,0,1,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,15,19,1,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,10,16,2,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,2,1,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.18693086112731686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167706580774812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650083889526964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880471229283708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602812432263134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002031888953627,0.0,0.0,0.19792838199364707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507856139179026,0.0,0.0,0.21003108410144625,0.0,0.17709028127933,0.0,0.18375781014420028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238925512141373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812597346286468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081557823820984,0.1420362232634144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984020872312857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523328871997776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438523638414954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474690391147828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419061981917276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079306457454942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298459357383535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IttyBittybitch,2019/02/03,I feel empty *sigh*,-3.945,-10.0149655,-0.0600000000000005,99.055,204.0,0.8,2.0,3.1291,-2.9931,14,0,3,0,2,5,4,4,0.474,0.526,0.0,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NathanJames04,2019/02/03,Just don't wanna exist Death seems extreme. But I just wanna fade away and stop existing you know? I don't want this shit no more,1.0377777777777766,3.3422631481481524,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,84.18518518518519,5.0814814814814815,16.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.357237037037037,103,2,22,1,3,33,22,27,0.318,0.58,0.101,-0.6933,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,5,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632091590483744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27095127267318764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488275114210642,0.0,0.0,0.5060786441494716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121873653211704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29079637137948755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riminix02,2019/02/03,"messy u ever realise like 
maybe ur meant to feel this way
like ive felt like this since i was 12 and idk
i just feel like it’s all i am
like all i want is to die
and all i am is alone",-1.3452173913043488,-0.4784122608695611,1.2080434782608729,106.88423913043479,84.65217391304347,4.6000000000000005,13.673913043478262,3.1291,-1.7980695652173917,140,1,44,0,4,48,29,46,0.19,0.5429999999999999,0.267,0.4588,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,12,11,2,1,1,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,6,5,2,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761965707073427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27676824663637184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412242859026199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696794410425488,0.19051384292357634,0.2560513922247007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6514236729733034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679125258765423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059767007924774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729278999328913,0.21167550185961834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifeofleaf,2019/02/03,"want to quietly go away does anyone want to go away quietly? to have as little impact as possible? when i die i want everyone to move on as quickly as possible. i figured that leaving no note , showing no sign of any emotional changes is the best precursor for this. i’m tired of talking to people and i don’t want to drag out my suffering any longer. i’ve gotten so tired of living everyday that talking is exhaustive.  i want to go forward with my decision and leave as little of a ripple behind as possible.  ",3.153955555555555,5.290938840000003,5.263333333333332,77.11722222222224,75.6,9.244444444444444,31.11111111111111,9.725611199111238,3.5443777777777785,404,20,72,12,9,140,61,100,0.202,0.685,0.112,-0.897,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,12,14,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,2,7,1,24,13,1,14,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522801328101834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522735491296157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255910353339582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292321337243033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407117416991716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134392667227336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191809624066816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319564509346925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013557307664528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322000886955046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28841151646838564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729967191121678,0.12025844234282848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474863024336412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441713722350972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606019650242906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189290490674405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130612026455224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40164254471175775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tsurugunomai,2019/02/03,"Im going to kill myself if i fail my probation drug test for weed tomorrow I should have quit, now im fucked.  Don’t give a shit about any human that blindly follows any of these laws about drugs, im already depressed just let me smoke ",2.669897959183672,4.223339204081636,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,75.3265306122449,6.53265306122449,24.494897959183675,7.1686216300943375,0.8817714285714287,187,6,40,2,4,60,41,49,0.345,0.655,0.0,-0.9661,0,0,3,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,3,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,6,0,4,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,1,2,20,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541757079478646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654971166682387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813290184108226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527600584930682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046722737235948,0.0,0.18726189977886132,0.11094155962474192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6325764357841319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159694199331136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996140438667681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076284003678522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003788473506912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gloztur,2019/02/03,"everything is prepared It's all ready in the next room. I almost tried last night but I chickened out. I'm lying here rehearsing it and debating whether to try the crisis line, again. I wish I could be hospitalized. I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep this off and go to work in the morning. I know I am fundamentally evil and everyone is better off without me. The world is better off with me dead. All I need to do is get up, and just do it. It's all there the other side of the wall.

I think I could be less bad if I got the right therapy, but it won't happen. I can't inflict myself on my loved ones for years while I'm on waiting list after waiting list. It isn't fair on them.",1.772755102040815,3.1033675850340146,3.7167517006802733,90.23390306122452,77.23129251700679,6.8047619047619055,23.1343537414966,7.492282038375204,0.7702068027210878,533,16,123,7,12,181,89,147,0.17800000000000002,0.7,0.122,-0.9225,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,5,5,1,0,7,0,15,2,1,1,3,26,30,10,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,17,3,19,24,4,23,0,0,0,1,2,15,0,2,7,85,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902512778429116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659527111674526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515665377140852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173805141764524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991959307114,0.1786288112995814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384165222532284,0.0,0.1129574471543864,0.0,0.15896309351154625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575901302636154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846187448764634,0.16201242668067378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938478318857048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737483641021265,0.0,0.0,0.2113789464952572,0.1865187645265769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468200915960374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697362856002178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198899243422404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272944697467251,0.0,0.0,0.12735462999493274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698841532813119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285592512010019,0.19159340645634754,0.0,0.14469651999381333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799215719096532
suicidewatch,kujyou12,2019/02/03,"I am going to die alone, or am I just too impatient? Just turn 20 a month ago. I am a baby and probably filled with insecurities so my worries are childish in many other people's eyes. But I feel like at this rate, there won't be any happiness for me.   


College, work, volunteers, eat, homework, sleep and repeat. That's all it is to my life. I don't have any chances to meet new people or find a loved one. I am not pretty or have a body of a model either. In my eyes, I am quite unattractive and honestly, I can see why people don't like me. Not to mention, extreme anxiety and constant depression, worries and stress take up 99.9% of my brain. I doubt anyone would want to be with someone who is constantly busy and always drown in mental issues. 

​

I was doing well one year ago. No partner, still busy but I always exercise and proud of myself for making a change. And when you expect things to be better in the future, it got worse for me. 

​

​

​",3.0132581530021305,5.0210698808290175,4.183761048460834,85.28793050899118,75.58031088082902,6.613715330691862,24.824443767144164,7.5105763829236425,1.282434562633343,769,26,147,10,17,251,122,193,0.179,0.727,0.094,-0.8740000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,0,4,8,12,0,3,7,0,20,9,5,1,1,28,29,15,2,3,10,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,7,10,1,0,2,1,0,2,6,4,1,2,2,4,20,8,20,22,2,19,0,1,3,1,6,6,0,4,13,102,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595043803316923,0.0,0.0,0.09318086770620512,0.0,0.0,0.149723018426918,0.3899259849813806,0.43728927916547183,0.12236416389733418,0.0,0.06882612511707599,0.0,0.0,0.06290849563019821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957036910326781,0.0,0.09993540235431528,0.0,0.10043528457558457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517539197628326,0.0,0.0,0.19444929787771875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749026511321723,0.0,0.0933737349057408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206086331686876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045491086754831,0.06427395223698397,0.0,0.0,0.08223013926850713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113152020370621,0.0,0.07195651842609509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957737936576792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390437916487733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354784514853318,0.08790872810123836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120063702668118,0.0,0.060055081486607924,0.09121455927640047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066770484842264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181248756645328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868927298779925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193079864858837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711976416450474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153093230571104,0.09700192058286028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569322609292401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169373464605536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003408752372469,0.0,0.07623053740475409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184944978486184,0.0,0.10305931486033566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764557611133241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059771480880334536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978605595609886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053066113811509864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089303735891258,0.0,0.08118313059766423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549858572279485,0.18273600272215645,0.09168621232793253,0.06391147646872472,0.0,0.43728927916547183,0.05793715895846225
suicidewatch,DisleksickVegatble,2019/02/03,Please guys help I don’t know what to do can anyone help? Someone is talking about killing them selves on reddit screenshot [here](https://imgur.com/gallery/f6SaTxk) ,10.069230769230767,13.131691307692304,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,59.0,6.7384615384615385,39.92307692307692,7.1686216300943375,3.0193692307692306,138,7,20,1,2,33,24,26,0.146,0.598,0.256,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577133777437701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649431868623023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940906769066598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40776914753289817,0.0,0.2025569550015794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404580223010659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122889696375352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29624336816333285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FreeToPost_PostToWin,2019/02/03,I’m only 15 but I want to die. I got kicked out of my counselling because the NHS is absolutely shit so I have no outlet for my feelings other than Reddit. Give me any reason at all to stay alive.,-0.07214285714285751,2.096357976190476,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,88.28571428571428,4.312380952380953,17.923809523809524,5.6839178017228535,-0.3438533333333331,153,4,33,1,5,53,37,42,0.269,0.638,0.094,-0.9013,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,6,7,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,7,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419464748323117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688365902090967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692493828720213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989593890997052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34130206075655845,0.0,0.0,0.28455432407493075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705910554014956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658069532370116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36520890588836574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37922021493110863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985162257991405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,magistep,2019/02/03,"ftm and lonely and suicidal i moved out of my abusive parents home last year and even now I'm still feeling the effects of having lived there and mistreatment/bullying I've faced my entire life. it's awful i can't talk to anyone about it and its not even something i wish to admit to myself

I am ftm transgender on top of it thats the reason I moved out because I knew no matter what i wouldn't feel safe transitioning in that place. I came out to my mom before and she is only fake supportive and on top of that she has attachment issues whete she doesn't want me to live alone and I can't trust anything that she says she is very manipulative and has physically hurt me over not being feminine/talkative enough my entire life. And everyone else believes she is some kind of saint and is only looking out for me and sometimes goes too far but they don't know everything they don't
I don't have any other family i can trust that can actually be around for support. I really want this feeling to end. I feel like the person I've been in a relationship with for 7 months doesn't really like me and only likes me out of pity because we were friends before and I'm trans and depressed. That's a bad way of thinking because even the extremely few people i could trust I'm trying to push them away from me because I'm really just turning into a bitter and destructive person.

I feel terrible and like a piece of shit for even wanting to reach out to any friends I feel like I'm just going to be hurt and they will end up having some kind of uncaring response. I'm so scared of going through any more pain. Ever since I moved and started hormones Im not even sure whats looking up. I ended up injuring my back too some months back and I went to the hospital for it and have been in so much pain because of it. Its nerve damage so its supposed to hurt but it sucks I've had to deal with it completely alone with no support. I'm going to college right now and its so hard to find motivation to do my assignments. Its so hard to stay interested in anything anymore. I can't drop out or not go to school because the financial aid is my only source of income and I'm too anxious and dysphoric to try to find a job.

God i feel so hopeless mentally. I could be getting better physically but I'm just a demotivated wreck and I just keep making myself more and more miserable. Don't tell me I should find friends or support either I've tried I really have any attempt to socialize fails because of my anxiety is too much for me. I don't know if I want someones support. I just don't know anymore bad thoughts keep filling me up and I want to kill myself but I'm too cowardly. ",3.589662564332066,4.9101771853211,5.0099261579771746,82.81962407697472,72.55963302752293,8.179458491832625,27.788095770865965,8.700769036622559,2.0442705303199813,2126,79,428,39,41,712,232,545,0.228,0.6559999999999999,0.116,-0.9971,3,4,1,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,4,7,31,44,5,2,12,1,41,7,2,5,2,99,91,40,2,11,17,2,9,5,3,3,5,1,1,2,22,41,0,3,20,0,0,11,18,22,0,0,8,13,60,22,68,74,12,54,1,10,2,0,25,26,2,6,19,283,82,6,0.0,0.07169892740954517,0.05905271462316498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253480406123151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646057668625212,0.0,0.046292871802636255,0.0683633405406401,0.120026807389278,0.04231263809420732,0.0,0.09959536049021382,0.05387008890461551,0.0,0.0,0.05685468306515255,0.09306271448290053,0.10105294796783053,0.25822044655208043,0.0,0.10298552997338896,0.06817830137949593,0.0,0.05351951588034595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921163689023822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344754116323889,0.0,0.0,0.09663064965752273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062387044282598426,0.05212042524167112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055149357524001,0.0,0.1607917281055883,0.0625269053339186,0.0,0.1998438864478652,0.054738173447557686,0.0,0.057823504725162525,0.0543858785036597,0.0,0.05704700094111127,0.0,0.21418307809792095,0.08646210508274718,0.0,0.0,0.16592548057854326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025837603255806,0.0,0.0316159495238097,0.0,0.13756549018778394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841691153867168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060700249741160374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434374129702275,0.0,0.06536526059623303,0.06316065852888297,0.06005058368953117,0.10757484630015858,0.06694952554111266,0.12603156790899014,0.09977036355832312,0.0493268028233184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548533696443571,0.1478198675793883,0.0,0.1068695429643316,0.0,0.10163265946911114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04039341432671555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609836516300688,0.0,0.0,0.07087300123618827,0.0966030348239795,0.192949696388744,0.08896917401491376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840938092252533,0.1287818450558269,0.0,0.06719338517802541,0.0,0.0,0.04195263179241898,0.10567658740791376,0.06322401457514497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506669376496504,0.062218238665136386,0.0,0.06496914708597026,0.0,0.051678432718415365,0.0,0.04812298226885276,0.06058484491402994,0.061243170395645766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062116519842293265,0.050057619537526944,0.0,0.0,0.0616861723483052,0.05127312469678479,0.046586459988896,0.05984967024081759,0.0,0.0428319610016238,0.06449963192454923,0.04832637842567341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619224743934615,0.3433515704914796,0.05703351624568539,0.0,0.0,0.09727735932565214,0.05289170610116279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877478321325638,0.0,0.048041177440286666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325464182094314,0.06582160960805165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049930201416841534,0.17846296007232612,0.04803301745524938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609687515474444,0.0,0.0,0.06958785414441293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038968886708509766
suicidewatch,dannyboy2590,2019/02/03,"What’s wrong with me? I have a good job. A beautiful girlfriend which I love deeply, she has an even better job so money isn’t a problem, we have a nice new car, a nice apartment, basically an all around a good life... yet... I find myself thinking about killing myself every single day all the time over the littlest stupid shit and I sit and overthink until I create problems that aren’t even there and even burden everyone around me cause they constantly worry about me... I feel like the world would truly be a better place without me and I don’t fucking know why... ",3.8208383838383817,5.671994881818186,4.194848484848485,86.75671717171717,72.9090909090909,6.343434343434343,24.949494949494948,6.937597516519254,0.9961010101010102,447,14,85,4,9,140,76,110,0.197,0.5539999999999999,0.249,0.7037,3,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,1,2,10,16,4,0,12,0,8,4,1,1,2,19,13,6,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,0,1,16,8,8,11,3,14,0,0,0,2,5,6,2,0,7,60,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860512345887585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28418968491536944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165046871024911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362142880148546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361541932156483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183524935961056,0.0,0.13536691209308174,0.15352197528547687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123688350958161,0.11477887083059808,0.0,0.0,0.14684459574980324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853189653237334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695158014562206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188697837974834,0.0,0.1777516505502376,0.0,0.08829709971879647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134822063372247,0.07849264123677357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450061355225767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517093739639862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786038219558566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30746877783371035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649199727580431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294743181789276,0.0,0.0,0.09368485986762344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497487296465228,0.0,0.0,0.15487500649727018,0.0,0.0,0.16316276907332766,0.0,0.11413157036227076,0.17566159275673054,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RowdyRar1ty,2019/02/03,The tipping point I don’t want to hurt my family but I’m sick of being alive for everyone else. This world is fucking miserable. The bright side isn’t bright enough. I’m so tired. I just need one little push to convince me. I’m tired. ,-0.14734693877550953,2.1718791632653094,1.5889795918367329,96.13816326530615,94.10204081632654,5.248979591836736,17.20408163265306,6.868970318607317,0.06744081632653033,185,5,41,3,7,60,37,49,0.314,0.465,0.22,-0.8579,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,4,3,4,9,1,5,0,2,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241392987269004,0.0,0.0,0.2751027468139149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544089603563093,0.0,0.0,0.2509925378936416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461396507326383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850212868171555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684791040611444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741764558098576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804148238468425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516880313199523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6120200127449762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703847890199782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scrambledwalnuts,2019/02/03,"I'm just so tired of everything being a struggle. I go to work every day, at a job a hate, in a town I loathe, to make enough money to keep living in the town I loathe, but not enough money to ever get away.

  


I drive home in a vehicle that's just about to break down, to a shitty home where more things are broken than not.

  


I try to talk to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk to me. He would rather play on his damn phone. We haven't slept in the same room for over four months. There's no love there; I'm just a roommate, a housekeeper, a meal maker.

  


If all I'm existing for is to work at a job I hate, in a place I hate, in a house I hate, with a man who doesn't love me, for the next 50 years, what's the point?

  


Just exist until I die of old age? Or die painfully of expensive health problems later?

  


If I'll never leave a mark on this world, then what's the point of being here at all?

  


Why keep up the fight if I have absolutely nothing to fight for?

  


  


Where's the logic in that?

  


I've been fighting suicidal feelings for over 10 years, and have attempted it once, six years ago.

  


  


I can honestly say I wish I had been successful. Every fucking day since then has just been one, prolonged struggle, and I have nothing to show for it.

  


  


I'm so done. There's no winning.",2.6111667956656355,3.2091092536764734,3.962275541795666,92.15300309597522,74.11029411764707,7.196904024767803,22.771671826625386,7.273561745256523,0.5255852941176471,975,23,233,10,19,322,144,272,0.268,0.627,0.105,-0.9944,4,0,0,0,4,0,37.0,1,0,0,5,16,19,9,2,21,0,18,8,1,2,4,33,38,13,3,8,14,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,3,1,9,4,1,2,2,2,3,2,8,13,0,3,6,2,19,6,44,29,6,45,0,0,0,3,16,26,2,4,16,150,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348889968393324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908841215128993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603318677686466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891330426321864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079279357341833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794833537888408,0.0,0.0,0.09539968211175953,0.17771864995322315,0.0,0.0947856896538335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053326581217286825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750125683805966,0.0551014282038937,0.0,0.05993853652257975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165018203797201,0.0,0.11210501145551854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158121160031096,0.0,0.0,0.12169315366051653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093166882923272,0.18748535973873304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167285277855034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312806569983527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037366104861825,0.0,0.07039911351571038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418164356605944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134158004985631,0.0,0.1121638725359456,0.0,0.0,0.202394194111096,0.0,0.11066841629190492,0.1123174324442862,0.0714662266925519,0.0,0.11222284473797987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101891150620262,0.0,0.19939818157496286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091634516601926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387048601679696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724224230329239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051110886740213,0.0,0.11536225939337225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953852443084555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006666485724644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121720388215335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160422613042937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220634919773042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516630874574998,0.0,0.1212802464184651,0.0,0.0,0.1535604400918436,0.0,0.0,0.07491974326738256,0.0,0.0,0.20374918471490625
suicidewatch,powderedmonster,2019/02/03,"Anyone here attempted suicide with a gun and survived? What was your experience? Where did you shoot yourself, with what gun, and was there damage?",4.967866666666667,8.401619120000003,4.18,79.93666666666667,77.8,6.533333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.305933333333334,118,5,18,2,3,35,20,25,0.42,0.49,0.09,-0.903,0,0,0,3,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301586170031609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6017787133069645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6729234313267314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheThrowerAwayer02,2019/02/03,"Everyday feels like a cycle of pain and suffering Its the same thing Every, Fucking, Day, And what do i contribute to society? What is so special about me when there are 7 billion people to replace me? What am i suffering for? Who knows? I dont feel suicidal but everyday its just the same thing: Wake up, Suffer at school, Go home, Sit at my computer for 8 hours straight bored as fuck since playing games and watching videos is becoming stale, Go to sleep, Repeat. 

I do not know if this is the correct sub but please i dont feel like i need to put any work into anything since there is no reasoning to contribute.",2.9822954545454508,5.153428941666668,4.0045454545454575,85.78227272727275,76.25,8.03030303030303,27.57575757575757,8.841846274778883,2.2956666666666665,483,20,95,11,11,156,83,120,0.165,0.708,0.127,-0.7975,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,0,4,0,10,5,2,1,1,19,20,9,1,2,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,7,0,1,0,4,9,4,14,20,2,15,0,3,1,2,2,5,2,1,8,62,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355776836434515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741714026528762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442545464611215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769363709271412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914180812938787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069484253179698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533029014940201,0.2385929457618733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30875597988379405,0.0,0.0,0.1898065950838668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750287747868794,0.0,0.16444983550475778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354480203268747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631640942081754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238197064680126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776873217643304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576865948656855,0.0,0.0,0.18330300467405064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786936115672207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169178137662933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690010718396125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762688900959657,0.0,0.16710889414473493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265809383241335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187920922003826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156946917795078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw22222away22222,2019/02/03,"I feel like i have no right to feel this way Im 18 and I've been working so hard in school so i can go to college and escape the poverty i was born into, and escape my mother who makes me hate myself even more. But even while i work hard, i dont know if I'll live to see the benefits. It doesnt feel worth it, I'll never have to stop working. College will only be tougher, and after college I'll be even more lost than i am now.

I've been struggling with unhealthy eating habits for a while. Binge-eating, bulimia, guilt. I cope with feeling disgusting in my own skin by having sex. I've been with 10 people from ages 13 to 18. It only makes me feel more gross, but it's one of the few things that makes me feel in control in the moment. When im eating and when im hooking up with someone are when everything feels ok, and then after i feel worse than before. It's just a chain reaction that doesnt do anything for my life in the long run. 

Everything in the world disgusts me profusely... the suffering others are enduring in this world due to extreme poverty, oppression, etc. It makes me not even want to wake up because i dont want to be in a world where these things happen. But then i think, how awfully selfish that is, to kill myself so i dont have to see the suffering of others. Theyre still going to be suffering whether im here or not. At any rate, im too scared of having a failed attempt which will just make my life more difficult afterward. I dont have time for therapy or anything like that. Wish i did though.

Sorry about this stupid post. I probably sound like another angsty teenager trying to cope with the transition into ""adulthood"". I guess i am. Still feel like shit every day though. ",3.117203650642044,4.4861409283667655,4.1926583890480735,88.02578690438291,73.81375358166191,7.348020800169798,25.24684283137005,7.921354282810032,1.3048108033534964,1340,43,281,19,27,436,174,349,0.223,0.7070000000000001,0.07,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,7,22,23,6,3,13,2,30,8,3,7,1,48,57,26,1,4,11,1,12,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,20,13,2,2,11,0,1,3,10,17,0,1,6,15,28,6,43,45,7,45,0,5,2,1,2,18,1,4,26,184,48,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534473727458032,0.08241382999353268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935416437308572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047910852076676606,0.0,0.06687865331606523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815110356856537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068734659858636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368451553631087,0.0,0.0,0.160844846081748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765432792870413,0.20764532652360648,0.0,0.06621977342916943,0.0,0.1412724414653497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576604609815969,0.11229673046884192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893348291638706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658137909939306,0.0,0.06950139985573671,0.0,0.1408115692033028,0.0775964036009758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244810512175172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695384894355733,0.0,0.04319381928289039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102810687926352,0.15359041107422505,0.0,0.06940092570096695,0.0695542027559675,0.0,0.0,0.08579585138946524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623142448950487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060617397247727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325808338814267,0.11955025184597222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054487956085999975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527239363484572,0.0,0.0847388261615684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711979802571423,0.0,0.0,0.07868742026690474,0.07954245148664005,0.12526026042662008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067675520641909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659338514670385,0.0,0.0,0.08798079558534669,0.0,0.0,0.12553231933017087,0.06570903466413268,0.0,0.08216467811148515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988036263321192,0.0,0.10443020297544768,0.05036057559921346,0.15443860115579888,0.0,0.045829443091023804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336092337158847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271486927936336,0.06238514329040595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038050245574623,0.0,0.0,0.1716545374372681,0.0,0.08009513586107421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i__saved__latin,2019/02/03,"I can't stop hating who I am. I only want to be a normal woman. I am a late 20's woman and I have always hated myself. I wake up in the morning and hate my appearance, I hate how undisciplined I am, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate how I speak, I hate where I live, everything. I hate everything about myself. This hatred of who I am has affected literally every aspect of my life. I don't try to get a nicer job because I think ""hey they won't hire me"". I don't ask out men that I'd like to because I know they would not find me attractive, I don't take any risk that would lead to a positive outcome because I know it will fail. I have been an insecure, depressed mess of a person since I was a teenager and things are not ""getting better"". Things did not change for me, they got worse. I want to improve but I physically cannot, my mind mentally blocks me all the fucking time. It's like there is a part of my soul that knows I can do better but the darkness of depression suffocates it and wins every battle. I'm sorry for ranting here but I wasted my youth being depressed and socially anxious and all I want to be is to be the type of woman to dress up and go out to fun parties, or go on dates, or be fun or flirty. I wish I could reset this all and have a do-over.",2.3347445255474497,3.155501781021897,4.481467153284672,87.33387956204382,74.98540145985402,7.523795620437956,24.28394160583941,7.908726449838941,1.1276472992700728,984,29,222,14,20,342,138,274,0.202,0.635,0.162,-0.8177,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,3,5,6,26,11,2,13,0,31,4,1,4,3,43,58,16,0,8,9,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,5,12,10,0,2,5,0,0,4,9,18,0,0,4,1,47,8,24,44,4,16,1,4,0,1,14,7,1,4,7,153,59,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036219247441207,0.0,0.0,0.057504924376857315,0.0,0.0,0.09553076548580987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905386886103649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546442669092517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957608215297827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945517288421004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751571718241714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184988656817976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249392880012132,0.0,0.1519973881903641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728795407945356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817602234465344,0.08836010164760118,0.0,0.09611684038653197,0.0,0.0676317970674204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7513854437693632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782907863667978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941886291905473,0.0,0.09538939469643216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945700156606885,0.08262524910101647,0.0,0.07466961946097472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521840618477597,0.0,0.08538331307474326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285261073635962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431306010431258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157218991466276,0.0,0.0,0.07383610286718424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995039556287612,0.0,0.0,0.08620010692455868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466001295916593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069745200027533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357995044978787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123582061427804,0.05418378757700816,0.0,0.0,0.049308666147481466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574119120458249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963022331921766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097241897811865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861756994595557,0.12014055436135347,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatsalreadytkn,2019/02/03,"I keep falling for problematic men I wish I'd just stop being so fucking overemotional and easily attached. I wish someone who would actually treat me right would fall for me for change. I wish I hadn't invested so much energy, love and attention into people who didn't deserve or value it. But everything bad is good for something. At least it fuels me on the way to suicide.",4.325833333333335,6.396297694444449,6.1344444444444415,72.45500000000001,72.05555555555556,9.244444444444444,30.055555555555557,9.725611199111238,3.261538888888889,302,13,52,8,6,104,54,72,0.18600000000000005,0.556,0.258,0.7558,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,14,12,6,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,3,8,7,2,8,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,1,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.19048404128800447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298127897940773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649246444291147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754304098039156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804564117850026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372191961996627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349999568141694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617284579350062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349219950820435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532497019794562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669710739720098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538972109973266,0.15027212931047518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319336962511322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351375418796045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493823338214538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6734004914037373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277324590068423,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnalChampio,2019/02/03,"The thoughts came back A few years ago in 2015 I was really depressed and tried to fill the hole in my heart with women and I was a “fuckboy” during that time, I stopped because I realized it wasn’t working and I tried to kill myself 4 times by overdosing. It never worked obviously which made my depression even worse because I’d get sad at the fact I didn’t die during the night. Eventually I got over my depression and was happy for the past 3 years, but recently because of events in my life I’m back where I was in 2015 wanting to just fucking die again but I’m too much of a fucking pussy to get one of my dads guns and shoot myself or slit my wrist or hang myself which is why I tried to OD the first 4 times but now because I survived those times im afraid to try it again because what if I survive again? So is there any other way to go about it that might work better than OD? If not then I guess I’ll try it again but ya know ",4.305234505862643,4.191170005025128,5.108655778894473,87.97276591289781,70.05527638190955,8.241373534338358,27.638609715242875,7.793537801064563,1.3488891122278055,737,22,168,8,12,240,114,199,0.134,0.812,0.054000000000000006,-0.9187,0,0,0,2,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,7,14,10,3,1,9,0,9,5,2,1,3,28,23,15,5,3,10,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,8,0,2,10,0,22,2,21,12,2,34,0,4,0,2,3,7,2,6,22,106,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311661184682316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910615348822117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788961229302115,0.0,0.35455842106164537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288152398407632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330467692686124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300576080969209,0.0,0.2414575238357977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683269647888362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894744219604826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508434241793656,0.12155181210851222,0.0,0.06611115144323045,0.0,0.09303709860459733,0.0,0.12814698856823153,0.0,0.0,0.12383194850397948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784771436070314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565281122481775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286982721046988,0.0,0.06393011896367004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216499720266703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007114799534022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340425896599007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551351838386287,0.0,0.08971833196631161,0.0,0.0,0.1091647394595171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882599092434743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104700968842726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452187071992132,0.0,0.1148585947986921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725434038498894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235041587626128,0.2713241660487717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948910093843239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861250893225229,0.09233472979086768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496676453575704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540616963539781,0.0,0.11854685806953125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982117781101212
suicidewatch,MinaT_Dot,2019/02/03,"I want to get away. I don't want to die. I I just don't want to live. Being unhappy, not having friends or anyone to relate to. Not trusting anyone. Being afraid of people. 

I try to feel better. Self-medicating, cutting. Anything. But what goes up, goes down. It's this cycle of feeling bad and unhappy. Its like being cornered. The best solution would be getting away. But I don't want to die.",-0.2873626373626408,1.8050009230769248,2.1649084249084254,89.4646153846154,103.87179487179488,4.2798534798534815,19.67399267399267,6.18269132825596,0.44641465201465147,304,11,58,4,14,103,50,78,0.192,0.536,0.272,0.6575,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,14,17,4,2,5,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,6,5,13,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736412324617991,0.0,0.16102397782041344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676864938209374,0.0,0.16338057889612448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534900024462005,0.17305877092383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061598301343408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787847286627852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117813734983518,0.0,0.20446438186820864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559699552815497,0.0,0.17278474450280398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735098250921608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565651287369407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041318591166084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285058402420066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616570986119417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900201406946286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BooFuckBoogityBoo,2019/02/03,"I’ve had everything I’ve ever wanted and I still want to put a bullet in my skull I’ve had everything I’ve ever wanted. Last night I went on a date with the most attractive girl I’ve ever seen. Yet despite this, all I can think of right now is my rifle. I’ve experienced everything I’ve ever wanted to, and I understand that I am very fortunate in that regard. I deeply hate myself. I often feel as though I don’t deserve to be alive, and that killing myself would be a way to repay society for me being such a piece of shit. I objectively know this to be false, but I still often feel this way. I’ve also had many profound spiritual experiences, which have been the highlights of my life. I’ve touched the divine numerous times but for some reason I still want to die. I’ve been having suicidal episodes for many years. I just don’t understand why it happens",3.750411140583555,5.068756879310347,5.2955172413793115,80.93582228116712,72.16091954022987,8.572236958443856,26.028293545534925,9.057496981413335,2.0226203359858537,683,22,135,14,13,231,97,174,0.114,0.8059999999999999,0.081,-0.8626,0,0,0,1,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,15,5,3,0,7,0,17,3,2,1,5,29,32,8,3,6,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,5,18,2,17,20,4,22,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,4,14,91,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993245449223276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890239199354175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493924117044342,0.0,0.0,0.3348750912401125,0.12149369477853955,0.0,0.0,0.12560084274240416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983169530019496,0.0,0.0,0.12262407051344976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374114573544043,0.0,0.06825834311506351,0.10124146224790223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772776684953497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518433023426556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655545715985118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485762958627848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277006637448151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606809676744074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749188957391128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975643830688989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585717169300088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958382717234863,0.12202814202260966,0.0,0.07242336758394773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585979763581184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247991583560834,0.3662887112211138,0.19717203001243747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513678858422867,0.11207326914926287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822975969606489,0.0,0.0,0.07998221751111169
suicidewatch,lucario4694,2019/02/03,"I'm gonna kill myself tonight I'm so sick of being alive. I feel like my entire life has already been ruined. I know I'm only 16 but I've basically completely fucked my education because I'm so lazy and stupid. Last year I stupidly overdosed and ended up in two inpatient psych wards. The whole treatment process (plus resi and php) lasted from early April to early July (it was a little over three months) and my grades got exponentially worse than they already were. I made up all the work but my official transcript still isn't done so I can't apply for any programs yet for the summer and I'm already missing out on so many opportunities my friends are applying for.

I also had a lot of potential for music and my instrument but I've ruined it all. Last year I came second in the state and this year I didn't even qualify to audition for states. It was that bad. 

I'm bulimic, binging and purging usually at least twice a day. I'm exhausted constantly and gaining weight. I hate my stupid fat body. I'm not overweight yet but I'll definitely become it if I continue along his path. I've tried to stop but I just can't. 

I'm constantly in pain and I just can't take this anymore. I'm gonna hang myself tonight. A couple months ago I tried to hang myself but failed over a small detail so I'll make sure it doesn't happen this time. I already have the noose tied and everything so it should go smoothly.",2.6061863488624084,4.678646140845077,4.126338028169016,84.93399241603468,77.02816901408453,7.186132177681474,25.35969664138679,8.139509932561175,1.6188032502708565,1120,41,223,20,26,372,162,284,0.22,0.7,0.08,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,1,4,13,17,6,0,10,0,17,9,2,2,3,35,41,26,1,2,10,0,3,1,1,3,6,0,0,0,10,15,3,1,2,0,1,4,7,13,0,4,10,3,26,4,25,27,5,44,0,4,0,1,3,12,1,2,27,129,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278314614489804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118171594170626,0.09272559456263632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885033448362924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499176596347535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681384680131097,0.07068236505485245,0.12805824731852725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879489633918054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261651333304175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157192152480567,0.25060265504905743,0.0,0.0,0.12829705272853553,0.0,0.07477849757732034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865764630012185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269775099609543,0.0,0.0,0.07658422953836592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420885714851573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862807038262885,0.08283507966798451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958308954456565,0.10719439382405943,0.0,0.0,0.06589735658393228,0.0,0.0927362287366332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253466810743507,0.0,0.0,0.11447714011619164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828207864299265,0.0,0.063723377279546,0.28354546568530425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189928629561585,0.056647570612494286,0.11621288936609095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857699163861301,0.0,0.1097151922286545,0.07739787715353824,0.11755563523901455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851012088626601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818560072625102,0.12337953586464442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259824065409243,0.09693983250598764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928199949411943,0.0,0.08718036609462854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761168475225811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744559330226174,0.0,0.11326681662374888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770312414066012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119650465120218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945462258092255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441336463149816,0.0,0.11816349295959246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400501343214613
suicidewatch,YungDrakken,2019/02/03,"Is anyone on here able to talk and offer advice? As the title states...

I have been suicidal for a while now. I have attempted to kill myself 2 times previous... i would like if someone could talk to me, here me out and offer some advice..

To give some context its stemming from a relationship.

Thank you.",1.7964778325123127,4.451851603448277,3.3069458128078817,86.11120689655175,84.6896551724138,6.0729064039408875,20.354679802955662,7.447530270364453,0.929509359605912,235,7,44,4,7,77,44,58,0.14800000000000002,0.772,0.08,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,8,5,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,9,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,35,8,0,0.25259955721502064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936747276662114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662348363698724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168019222315334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24231651240169896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794639843204108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234073843587834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711973917036113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21402678511174092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763029170260906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060599115765325,0.0,0.2325597344627749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729283316390787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943947801019655,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liha123,2019/02/03,"can anyone tell me all the suicide cults that are active currently Heaven's gate isn't active anymore and I don't want to castrate myself. So, any less psychotic cult sounds... bad but... you know... this is sickening...",1.0875000000000021,3.2711067500000013,2.2900000000000027,87.55000000000004,106.5,5.0,20.0,6.6274283507984215,0.987,170,6,29,3,8,54,37,40,0.202,0.679,0.118,-0.5889,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,7,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970061818292227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331403991406304,0.3053869939800661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646694865020083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002735185594454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47773555090752007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817402993580428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576075109849198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-tahlthar-,2019/02/03,"Feeling lost Do you ever have this feeling like you don't really know why you're still living? Like you should've died a long time ago? 

I have a hard time just going through day to day life because I feel like I'm just waiting to die and if that's the case then nothing matters. Somedays it's worse. I feel like I could end it right then and there, but then I wonder what my family would think and I can't do that to them. Just the other day I took a ton of my anxiety meds just to see if it would do anything. Anything at all. And I woke up the next morning perfectly fine. 

I don't ever want anyone to go through this, but I also don't want to be alone in it. So I guess what I'm asking is how do y'all deal with this empty feeling? Or if you can relate at all? I just feel stuck in this one spot while the rest of the world goes on without me.

Sorry for the long post. I'm just trying to figure out how to put this all into words. 

",1.23375322812052,2.5115294829268286,2.92757532281205,95.55139167862266,78.5609756097561,5.604017216642755,19.863701578192245,5.900188976854957,-0.2444232424677191,724,16,174,4,17,240,114,205,0.119,0.777,0.104,-0.257,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,1,2,14,7,0,0,9,0,16,1,0,2,6,47,40,18,2,8,13,0,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,10,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,4,8,21,6,23,32,5,32,0,1,1,0,8,10,0,6,21,117,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654063182828892,0.0,0.0,0.12447994843881745,0.0,0.09611540220251764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194454523465112,0.0,0.0,0.08403920767405748,0.0,0.19781123467117392,0.0,0.11236084410234053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326632930116386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596143847338356,0.0,0.0,0.2325366174672212,0.12390997127058548,0.0,0.0,0.2494751979183901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064521148539625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174363468340514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330384904382824,0.0,0.36462816496975214,0.2575899470794257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661278662104268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240215019121118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766607513212108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660529389519204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489331213815897,0.2348738364589293,0.0,0.10612942278870363,0.21272763486831828,0.0,0.0,0.13120090393120618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350330425662307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782276707382198,0.0,0.0,0.11532494976341727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144343309151962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510820075817753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082352146816047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699639320307136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264107215019716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577537333377864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134542168676486,0.0,0.0,0.09598339256483893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701250041938461,0.0,0.0,0.14016678575543354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353482135311875,0.08160069825725719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178161834535655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084522194272942,0.0,0.0,0.11585827147122855,0.13034025355847167,0.0,0.0,0.1224832442977078,0.17075817152850498,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myasteroidismyhome,2019/02/03,"Burnout I'm doing everything right. I'm using coping skills. I'm going out with friends and talking. I'm adressing issues at work.

But it's like nothing helps. I keep feeling more and more exhausted. I'm at a point where I just... don't feel. I'm empty. Nothing makes me overly happy or overly sad.

I have random bouts of crying so I still feel human. But nothing lasts. I've been having suicidal thoughts again. I haven't told anyone. These thoughts are not welcome. I do not want to take my life.

But I feel myself slipping, and I'm scared. It's so hard. I don't want to die. But I don't have the drive to live either.",-0.4203125000000014,1.8093700937500048,1.4716249999999995,95.910875,98.0625,3.4975000000000005,18.11875,5.341637118332708,-0.41171687499999976,484,15,101,3,20,158,78,128,0.208,0.6829999999999999,0.109,-0.8686,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,2,0,11,2,0,2,0,26,32,10,2,2,9,0,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,5,12,4,10,28,3,13,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,57,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728687646275122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425320698863093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408640281485613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075282706729165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33925513041891514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959458894188594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532983158169768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856108292796344,0.1502610269985747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243178893368372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507573830990392,0.0,0.1490939619554643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672951840440936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184788825220644,0.0819487100233416,0.0,0.14811644283890948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196695855971224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828497380092635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856739395094469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324802770600994,0.0,0.0,0.16793581163920784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395643078752134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347903363825685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261187101859883,0.1348221020921452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663317579498973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028162177559685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144872475921126,0.0,0.0,0.19787339285796374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211585184476545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatBella,2019/02/03,"I'm done with living I think I have come to the realisation that I'm just done with life and done with being alive. I don't feel hopeless and I don't feel that kind of despair that used to come with my suicidal thoughts anymore. It irritates me, because most people who want to commit suicide are in intense emotional distress. For me it's actually the opposite. I don't feel fear anymore. I'm not scared of death or dying anymore. In fact, I feel relief. I feel relief because now I finally don't want to live anymore and I'm not scared of dying, so there is really nothing holding me back anymore.",2.786045454545455,4.9084351500000025,4.496212121212125,82.25727272727276,76.66666666666666,7.03030303030303,29.24242424242424,8.00094639256281,2.164333333333333,478,22,90,8,11,161,66,120,0.133,0.64,0.227,0.7507,0,0,0,0,0,5,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,4,2,0,11,1,0,1,2,27,27,5,5,2,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,4,5,12,3,14,22,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.11426953340597072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5806425396403745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004017028950065,0.0,0.14276217991564172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173695771778735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24305587184063945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594918811004393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171807928726004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176639491190936,0.2960381675675537,0.0,0.0,0.12827376240600055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193824239312635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270889518215603,0.0,0.0,0.20679714536024166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235748661033154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118014033162965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501517439292371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344685423516016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25616967071720576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503086714930432,0.0,0.09296173707519194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113399257887476,0.0,0.0,0.13813339019448534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heyjagelskardig,2019/02/03,"I cant do this im so sorry for my broken english, not my first language. 
I told my psyciatrist i really dont know what im doing anymore. Told her that i was planning to kill myself. 
She tought me a breathing exercise and told me to have a nice week. 

Ive been in therapy for two years  and im only getting worse, more suicidal and alone. 
Cant trust my friends, cant tell my mom that i dont want to live anymore. Dont want to break her heart. Just want to let my head rest. 
Last week was my birthday and ive never felt worse. Cant do this much longer.

I just need a fucking hug, im so scared. Its fine if noone reads this 

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suicidewatch,CompleteTurnover,2019/02/03,"Why does suicide just ""feel"" right? When I think rationally I can easily tell myself that this shit isn't worth killing myself over but no matter how many reasons not to do it I bring there is still that one part of my brain that just makes me feel like I should. This is not just with suicide but with other things aswell. Does anyone else have this? I just want to actually listen to my own rational advice.",3.3597857142857137,5.423705550000001,3.6171428571428565,89.48500000000001,74.75,6.571428571428572,20.17857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.4404821428571433,324,7,66,4,7,100,57,80,0.179,0.7120000000000001,0.109,-0.8523,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,0,0,7,2,2,3,0,19,14,4,3,2,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,0,3,10,1,7,13,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1928853040424098,0.0,0.0,0.1931487180093857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382067888956298,0.2025235681332328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065124962783314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34594299351847807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651175609839476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988324186660889,0.14120662812417414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867884773627166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656551873527043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193798207988264,0.2003937816638848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393790441089187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140439179801595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322493146149714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879850944932773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028926848205741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784961377961765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43241066406726425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727614535207591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131492586578547,0.12665100828969542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658357294333695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835523930430333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glitter_rat,2019/02/03,i have a lot going for me but one of these days enough will be enough. i'm tired and i don't think i can keep pretending to be okay. i have good grades and i have good friends and family and people who love me and the people in my life have been my reason for continuing. but soon enough i'm going to have to be selfish because i can't take it anymore. i don't want life i don't want a future i don't want to try. i have no energy to keep going. i just want to not be here anymore.,0.13770642201834704,1.6057246513761498,2.6261376146788997,95.64856422018349,82.30275229357798,5.827889908256882,17.322018348623853,6.742157984588678,-0.3294924770642198,373,7,94,4,10,129,55,109,0.14,0.65,0.21,0.9025,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,18,4,0,1,0,18,32,7,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,1,0,3,7,1,0,1,1,0,15,5,10,26,4,8,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,66,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136400002673298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639306262041784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019791626106115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49016396500597204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490685437661555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221689222410505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696025245385692,0.2652597067385793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28110199343145803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338027388682732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443435460286554,0.14271625179743466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715129338256546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925141112709268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258141673531978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889220856869955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132172372067738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174431164622432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735819976252943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37307081017831295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wardaddy71,2019/02/03,"I think I might not make it I just don't know what to write but I'll try.
I have been depressed for over 2 years know but the urge to just finally end it all has never been greater. I just can't think about anything else and it feels like hell.",-0.27055555555555344,1.7089712037037046,0.8125925925925941,105.2666666666667,86.96296296296295,4.340740740740742,16.407407407407412,5.46131890053228,-1.0789037037037037,191,4,50,1,6,59,39,54,0.234,0.71,0.056,-0.9055,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,17,13,3,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,5,10,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481415768977811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597158029127672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189782472910804,0.0,0.2670747764946368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246759195678736,0.21542010583156307,0.0,0.3303221308586347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314367954380076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731712343799305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128016963805265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198860943644784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325660965518922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864290787461918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047257424501232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941817560618347
suicidewatch,hewwowowowo,2019/02/03,"I just feel really lonely So, in school there are a lot of people, but none of them like me. I always try to talk with them, but they never really talk with me. My only friend in my class keeps getting invited to partys and stuff but I'm never invited and I see all these picture and videos of them having fun (on snapchat, instagram). I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, you know? Speaking of friends, I think I have 3. But I only hang out with them about once a month. Everytime I ask, if they want to meet, they don't text back, say they don't know, or they have something better to do. And sometimes they say they have time to hang out, and I'm looking forward to it, but then like one hour before we want to meet they say they can't meet today. 

My family is nice. I like them. But my father is at work for the whole day, my mum is always at home and I rarely see my sister. I have no one to talk to. And I don't want them to feel bad just because I feel lonely. The only thing that keeps me from ending at all, is my precious dog. He's the only one who's always there for me. But if I killed myself, he'd forget about me quite fast. Just like everyone else.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to do this anymore.",0.6463117870722428,2.3797970988593207,2.5112790874524755,95.79522281368824,81.81368821292776,5.424730038022814,16.983878326996198,6.360717304075467,-0.4493259619771868,939,17,222,8,25,312,123,263,0.131,0.757,0.112,-0.7388,0,4,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,15,3,10,15,1,0,5,0,22,0,0,0,4,47,44,19,1,6,14,3,3,4,2,0,0,4,1,0,9,13,0,2,8,1,0,3,11,5,0,3,0,10,47,10,32,43,5,22,0,2,3,0,36,9,0,4,16,151,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26888141973043705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682389636541376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069857000864624,0.0,0.0,0.08282584518942654,0.08993715550664047,0.06566179392253334,0.0,0.091657154100037,0.0,0.0,0.09526477196693156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946697799300056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998169039495273,0.0,0.09540312575817417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029258748208204,0.0,0.0,0.10154369759626396,0.0,0.16339114880575178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664399984367897,0.0,0.056276410060162915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804648276071176,0.0,0.10607714078898386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148329415150295,0.11917019761964133,0.0,0.2367884132756614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049556589586133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904530989252952,0.0,0.0,0.09157506409773897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597673140761293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661522128569367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147124873378988,0.2189705136455107,0.3276870963402705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467571100704068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456768977270013,0.0,0.0,0.13800940627165026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569768162212297,0.0,0.1090128818675595,0.17166911149174682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292392811457679,0.10653245071451277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330739680547928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597306412792129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156076514865672,0.06901913853511855,0.0,0.0,0.06280922416097455,0.0,0.10210080490801908,0.0,0.0,0.07313111335055968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541313450419629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025945571616542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841748006648767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776895830896435,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lunettarose,2019/02/03,"I don't think I should be alive anymore I've had the nagging feeling for a while now that I only end up hurting people, and that honestly, everyone in my life (maybe with the exception of my dog, debatable as he also really loves my fiancé) would be better off without me in it. 
Evereyone I touch is worse off for it. My family are in a bad situation and it's because of something I did (I didn't mean to, and it's a long and convoluted story, but nonetheless, I'm still to blame). I do my best to help them, but it's not enough, and there's nothing else I can do. I can never make it up to them, and the guilt is overwhelming. I feel like I should die to atone for that, alone. 
My fiancé struggles with feeling useless (he's not, he's amazing) because he doesn't have a job at the moment so can't contribute to our houshold financially. He's on anti-anxiety medication, which he hates because of the side effects, due to this. And this is all because I kept asking him to come live with me. I should never have kept on asking him. He says it was his decision, but I know the truth. I pressured him. He loves me, I know that, but I also know that he didn't need to be on medication before he came here, he had a life, he had his freedom, he could buy the thiggs he wants d and go where he wanted, and he didn't feel useless. And now everything has changed, because of me. I love him so much, more than I thought it was possible to love anyone, but I just think, if I was gone, maybe he could live the life he deserves. 
I'm lazy at work, but my boss thinks I'm productive because I say the right things and look busy. If I wasn't there, she could get someone else, someone better.
I just... I don't think I'm doing any good here.
The only people I don't hurt are the ones I rarely see. I think my dad would miss me, but we were estranged for years and I feel so guilty about that, too. I already hurt him so much. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. ",3.4625709651257104,3.829265946472024,4.874160583941606,87.22969991889701,72.01703163017032,8.035360908353608,26.65774533657745,8.045849151850463,1.38188304947283,1508,47,341,20,27,506,184,411,0.105,0.736,0.159,0.9804,1,1,1,0,0,1,62.0,2,0,2,5,18,25,2,4,16,0,42,11,2,3,5,73,84,30,1,15,15,1,6,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,18,19,0,2,17,0,1,5,15,13,0,1,17,10,57,12,40,55,6,33,0,7,2,4,40,16,0,2,13,225,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834592438471519,0.0889248738124065,0.12888371003511007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054798913362020606,0.0,0.06164544826210192,0.0,0.07991625985665954,0.05634520911966755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506676569908474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728308304399712,0.2947343336635618,0.0,0.06856983497141952,0.0,0.08456643947408791,0.14253747580320678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216499678919456,0.0,0.0,0.08524567803169246,0.0694147519128204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573545119167521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363198907943413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463280027431668,0.0,0.07137224206040392,0.08326333963865082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700010239298702,0.07242242118354368,0.0,0.0759660787521739,0.0,0.203724852311638,0.05756820670182944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210106879816102,0.0,0.0915938672391761,0.06758883954582673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955860839704508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401280049587342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587959351553274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996577023184824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285822515066908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707535645922934,0.039368575092189516,0.0,0.14231177771146644,0.07131304187609419,0.06766906660871846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29091567541616986,0.0,0.053789493631401536,0.0,0.16191205248908838,0.08777804627310494,0.0,0.1623569304293199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847492713437535,0.059750957287937126,0.1864507456226767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732115272120546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460483738451419,0.12257335686962445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173162052440656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084474401269957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162326010156379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881707758359831,0.0,0.12816499379516455,0.0,0.0,0.06421387812145994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057818903665564,0.08064076940011121,0.0,0.13655470627129904,0.06203640208807324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435334739299879,0.0,0.0,0.08424240230972127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353548127095864,0.25817029699925576,0.0,0.06397356230072984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505937949793508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266598280225533,0.0776787253826617,0.0,0.058665073335846335,0.0,0.08212052688997551,0.11448709655833365,0.0,0.0,0.05189253541372104
suicidewatch,CtrlAltVictory,2019/02/03,30 year old incel I have nothing no friends no steady employment and I heard that I might be homeless soon. Why is life so hell bent on making me suffer. I don't even have good health Ive been donating blood to pay rent. Life is just stupid unfair I once saw a YouTuber complaining about how YouTube wasn't giving him enough Mony how he was *only* making 3k a week FUCKING ONLY why is my life so shit why am I an incel why am I poor why is my health failing why does it seem like every shitty thing happens to me when I literally do nothing wrong to people!!! Religion is a lie Karma is bullshit and the universe just wants me to die.,1.6491538461538475,3.810049915384617,3.196153846153845,89.95884615384615,80.61538461538461,5.538461538461538,22.30769230769231,6.67199483983844,0.5718461538461539,499,16,102,5,13,164,87,130,0.318,0.625,0.057,-0.9914,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,4,0,5,0,18,8,2,4,0,11,27,7,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,5,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,8,0,0,5,2,15,3,6,20,1,7,2,2,1,1,6,2,3,2,6,60,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073545705190498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023591857788603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015917573104632,0.0,0.08320103288666242,0.0,0.10613392825292024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732298182293972,0.1164558857558719,0.0,0.1208405023150187,0.0,0.10565643513798054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139356424492076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677973357493878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669259162186425,0.061541865915339125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816995773740587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363271470506552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24174042377936805,0.0,0.13218279294470098,0.1341523843415612,0.0,0.1916095026451694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733072498451651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467702811895422,0.0,0.0,0.1293048964885878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368790087970766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429950885138698,0.0,0.10104436479158564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6820020872660361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772682403818648,0.0,0.08111960996708234
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAnxiety9999,2019/02/03,"Does anyone feel like you are just waiting for the next weekend/paycheck. Time is passing, but nothing changes, gets better etc? Just wonder what's the point or where it's going.",4.48,6.988797606060608,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,72.93939393939394,4.4,29.181818181818183,3.1291,0.9442,143,6,24,0,3,42,30,33,0.095,0.852,0.053,-0.3311,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617722655719224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734336839016593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270584055112897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705547154495899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34480368191569755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632446570557107,0.22086944847860532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152734953118034,0.0,0.1757071142229669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104370912641502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288033293228538,0.0,0.0,0.29665472203635546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922633842807074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802781572951426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335279154847739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MokuseinoUsagi,2019/02/03,I really want to do it soon. Hopefully today I don’t know how but I’m just so exhausted. I don’t see a future for myself and I really would be better off not being here anymore. I just hurt every day and mourning the baby I aborted back in September. I was forced into getting the procedure by my ex and that day haunts me and will forever live with that regret and I can’t handle it anymore. I really want to just vanish,1.8930681818181831,3.7593339886363673,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,78.43181818181819,8.036363636363637,22.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,1.818972727272728,333,10,64,8,8,120,60,88,0.239,0.665,0.096,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,19,16,8,1,5,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,12,2,8,11,0,9,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,1,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637643545155176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179789709692302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679083511512986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015833470337467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969996680704357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215896383672853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322315781866329,0.0,0.0,0.25030436032630204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849890026466854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646339633727948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44936464635475615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632070489379504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216297827300228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27582091462099256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660958437336919,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ButINeedThatUsername,2019/02/03,"Idk what to write in this title. I just had one of those moments where you rethink your life choices and notice how weird this sub is.. like.. in a way it's great to let those words and feelings out of your head, but at the same time there are literally nearly no people responding to any of our posts. We are all depressed and suicidal. All in the same boat. But splattered into many different isolated posts.",5.7273417721518936,6.366986797468357,5.658075949367093,82.63850632911394,67.10126582278481,8.851645569620256,29.7240506329114,8.841846274778883,2.189671392405064,323,11,63,5,5,101,62,79,0.21,0.762,0.028,-0.9473,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,5,2,1,1,2,18,6,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,6,2,13,4,4,13,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160936867117138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173521241954176,0.0,0.0,0.2636562116358742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275977611339215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27822116791747764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589880007113456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580490551140781,0.1782450880880938,0.1232874139751944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558473401440575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873066933603671,0.0,0.0,0.171001596474046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495048425622006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4833707359753461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27603430938065177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714964256160806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030685334982676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrrrrowwAwayyyy,2019/02/03,"Possible Jail Time  

20 yr old male

I cry a lot and have depression now, i might be going to jail. I took a pill that turned out to be laced, and I went into psychosis. I might be going to jail, when I was in psychosis the cops were taking me to hospital and I thought I was being kidnapped and inadvertently assaulted a cop (second degree) ( sadly I hurt them pretty badly ( which is a felony, against civil servant) my lawyer really says its up in the air.... probation maybe, suspended sentence maybe, house arrest maybe, maybe jail. I'd rather kill myself then go to jail, so i'm hoping if the worst comes to worse and I do get jail I hope they give me a date to turn myself in, so I can commit suicide before jail.

Also do you think judge will consider circumstances? I started college again (court is near the end of the semester so I'm really scared, almost like all this work i'm doing might be for nothing. i'm doing so much better, following up with treatment ( therapy 2x a week and psych, I have volunteered over 80 hours since the incident, living in substance free housing, and extremely sorry about my actions.

if sentence is jail, do you go immediately after court? can lawyer request? I'm thinking about asking lawyer to request a jury trial ( it's currently district court )

also another option is trying to buy a cyanide pill of the dark web, which is not really easy, that I could keep in pocket on day of trial. My family agrees that I should commit suicide before going to jail.",3.92592105263158,5.949126543859652,5.105811403508773,79.60713815789477,73.03508771929825,7.837719298245614,25.910087719298247,8.59863814320734,2.0380087719298245,1175,40,208,22,24,388,168,285,0.187,0.725,0.08800000000000001,-0.9879,1,0,0,0,0,5,41.0,0,2,2,2,12,13,2,1,15,0,28,2,0,0,3,32,55,17,3,7,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,8,11,0,1,3,0,2,10,1,8,0,1,6,1,27,6,31,38,4,37,0,3,0,0,10,13,0,10,15,135,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145265741159462,0.0,0.0,0.1620436486400231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623794623639612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471614707626516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459405975533185,0.0,0.0,0.17242374916715492,0.0,0.0,0.08960516670725316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727417659168281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089203843837656,0.0,0.11129012096007627,0.06533999940578868,0.0,0.08726273614048016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973530100845294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955110662978602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052933072750933056,0.09719088632047272,0.2878991541375304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125794517456586,0.09977518119211028,0.23380855146500204,0.1084601448710416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005371104050558,0.11209038980275857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949754742441277,0.0,0.08946328321295148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613466148382358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071394241674059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224386294689041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447841724910452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721478145363263,0.0,0.10631338463920244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421779971709795,0.0,0.10307410334466724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471556380410293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057000848608697,0.1014343093198331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380907917135219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341420526099692,0.07171150453844984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216450305638312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617651134177272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586289745160827,0.0,0.0,0.12983753147652652,0.0,0.0804330465726513,0.0590777774983912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256504772752347,0.06878645136041042,0.2204039481618376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812690379768706,0.0,0.0,0.09392031611860596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737587591828742,0.0,0.10324896607855004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThaTomg,2019/02/03,"Feeling horrid and it's my fault I am feeling preeetty miserable, am drinking, tomorrow's school/college.

Drinking makes me feel a little better, but yeah, for some reason I'm forcing myself into depressing thoughts. I feel like I want to? What the fuck is wrong with me.

​

I feel lonely as fuck, no one's gonna fucking love me ever. Romantically speaking anyway (and with mutual feeling and y'know the drill). Which is prolly the only thing that'd keep me going. Uhhhh I'm incredibly desperate and pretty fucking useless at most things except for like a handful of specific things.

I kinda just wanna make friends or talk to someone who cares or wants to be my friend, or more(?) idfk

I feel worthless and unloved even though people clearly care about me, it's my fault?

​

I've had so many different thoughts about suicide, mainly romanticizing the idea to myself. But I'm afraid of death and pain, I've even made a post about how I feel on here already, though I don't think anyone really saw that or read it...

So yeah.

Depression is fun. Though I can't say for certain that I have it? I feel bad because I feel like I'm just saying it for attention.  
To whoever is reading this, I'm sorry and thanks.",3.032321173104436,5.629928832618028,4.199683476394849,82.24456097997141,78.27038626609442,6.6301144492131625,26.446530758226036,7.793537801064563,1.848061659513592,970,39,171,16,24,316,140,233,0.257,0.521,0.222,-0.9421,1,2,2,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,0,1,16,30,4,2,7,2,12,9,1,5,3,49,47,20,2,3,9,0,11,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,15,10,2,1,16,4,0,1,3,17,0,1,5,15,22,13,22,39,4,8,0,6,1,5,8,4,4,7,5,109,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863031537144866,0.0,0.0,0.1936810102509207,0.21720693829807144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062494839822507475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462649554940333,0.05448370636498477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904715288310657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225267582635374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396145329946406,0.0,0.0,0.09338048492775226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511188562637545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806601748877013,0.08084708342139676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519195939459468,0.12770263569557092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810569983691218,0.3305123065732301,0.0,0.0,0.050795304084143414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089634053889608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794428460533597,0.0,0.0,0.04911954733814578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099602430446666,0.08957975493795221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066670095401265,0.08457117008641313,0.11932037669746995,0.09061477649964432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605645203770861,0.06797563114731968,0.09510398241882126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196311839886892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559895753110475,0.09092906921309833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788034128160722,0.0,0.05725752768635577,0.09189497593506367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215318184497908,0.0,0.09045482145492577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075729282300734,0.0,0.0,0.10005081572663788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776449986416794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718382646796656,0.0,0.08228681178255523,0.0,0.0,0.17813535768819685,0.057269505642018874,0.2634388775843042,0.14191153396443032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543435348218044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772028694473092,0.21720693829807144,0.0
suicidewatch,sinnyyyy,2019/02/03,"I needed to write this somewhere In September, last year, I started talking to a girl 1.800 miles away from my country. We met on instagram and at first I didn't really think it would've worked with me being 16 at that time and the distance. We started talking, every day, every night and whenever she or I needed to talk to someone. It was all great, I felt like someone cared about me and we had a lot of plans to do when I go to her country (England), we exchanged phone numbers and really trusted eachother like we were already friends in real life until at the start of February when she got really upset all of a sudden, I tried to calm her but in the end she blocked me and didn't open my messages ever since. I wanted to make her a surprise this summer by going to Liverpool and meeting her irl. I really don't know what to do, all I can think of is her and start punching pillows (how retarded does that sound) when I get sad. Idk if anyone will read this but I figured out saying it all somewhere would make me feel better. ",6.455032938076414,5.691847845410634,6.9123759332455,79.02150197628461,65.71497584541063,9.45963987703118,33.79402722880984,8.575989854853784,2.6526077294685986,812,31,158,10,11,266,123,207,0.07400000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.097,0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,5,0,0,4,6,11,0,1,7,0,13,1,0,3,5,42,33,17,0,5,4,0,2,2,1,2,1,2,1,1,9,16,0,1,6,1,1,2,3,2,0,1,8,4,31,9,28,22,5,31,0,1,0,0,24,11,0,3,20,111,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668948132292406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929464293447508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489034058022608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117564116192955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552907331786715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572763786363173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632628997935406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773485550039832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024109107724608,0.2239953415160976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721244942382841,0.0,0.12763183714169932,0.0,0.0,0.11306858744756138,0.0,0.0,0.1026999325740802,0.0,0.06944945413328611,0.0,0.15109222315029006,0.0,0.1063147574709256,0.14655371701753642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305381610829974,0.10835415610844833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093891059386166,0.12988392590533349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130107305531679,0.0,0.0,0.17746109908591587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971290271742358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474403194084405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296408809999055,0.1513012975213686,0.340628619365678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570977307895538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995951108395023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252591224070584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763488183431952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205277529118471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703499384871658,0.0,0.0,0.07751145333989096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902494650409678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840444678531355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677325151521307,0.0,0.0,0.18885663923164808,0.0,0.0,0.0856013483969453
suicidewatch,HowTpoTypo,2019/02/03,"I want to be dead I don’t believe in a soul, or an afterlife, but that death is like being unconscious only more permanent: there is nothing. And that doesn’t sound so fuckin bad to me. My life feels like complete trash and I just want to not exist anymore. But I don’t think I will, bc everything I see or read is that suicide has a high fail rate and a high pain amount and I don’t do well with that. But I’m just done with being alive, so maybe I will. I don’t even know why I’m posting if I’m just gonna say that I probably won’t suicide. But the prospect of being dead isn’t getting worse and being alive isn’t getting all that much, if at all, better so who fuckin knows.",2.869591836734692,3.3459196666666697,4.030074829931973,92.35123469387756,73.42176870748298,7.240544217687075,24.90408163265306,7.1686216300943375,0.7616155102040816,529,15,126,5,10,173,82,147,0.258,0.597,0.145,-0.9813,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,2,0,5,0,21,4,0,0,2,27,34,16,5,4,12,0,1,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,5,1,0,1,4,12,4,8,24,5,5,1,1,1,2,2,4,2,4,2,80,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036745517114654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343573704318566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354615783863285,0.0,0.15193245443835432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011636500152686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579868495254486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346430053816722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439190493278693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686113365591687,0.1227253238846354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795041951160668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630067371385032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888202956283915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213388877856619,0.16785380007023945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258405481925487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628388686904102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483514173009214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065245370040005,0.1827944581017495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452534013839978,0.0,0.18521643226590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718344075672958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661264850277166,0.0,0.0,0.13689273023844664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758162028496185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007476220592187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264993136890289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445797036535724,0.0,0.15501187728166566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750665660361604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thr0myselfAway,2019/02/03,"Im weak and im done Ive lived with suicidal thoughts for 20+ of my 30 something years. Im done fighting. I went to therapy for help, but its become increaingly clear there is no help for me. My support network is false. People only say nice things so they dont feel bad. My fear was this is as good as it gets. It appears this is true. Now im trying to figure out how and when. I have a good plan. So i guess its more the when. 


I cant do this life thing out of guilt anymore. I didnt agree to this. I dont have any more energy to keep up the charade.",-1.7157637571157491,0.20075416935484114,0.9579316888045531,101.18630929791271,96.01612903225808,4.207969639468692,16.165085388994306,5.900188976854957,-0.7287299810246677,423,11,108,4,17,144,79,124,0.132,0.629,0.24,0.9549,0,0,1,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,1,2,3,0,15,2,0,1,2,15,23,10,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,6,2,12,5,15,17,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946598671098797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380476741933531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622507288806798,0.0,0.15373399178176775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848971308466075,0.3262796028256231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663720027900566,0.07038302865386759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272555846663735,0.0,0.0,0.23350647584020004,0.0,0.0,0.15334302546016565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866038650582211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6014337893092018,0.0,0.0,0.12372617131505008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832013532861504,0.0,0.0,0.122914973489918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058668590364059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650282917965733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069636728597244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071619347419765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226074920074795,0.157960998106888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591858073756433,0.0,0.18495481869480404,0.0,0.0,0.110508193217746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450675787635723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903855918638954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963937795273891
suicidewatch,Isuckatusernames6969,2019/02/03,"Is there freedom other than death? This is going to be long and I may be talking nonesense,I'm sorry about that.I just didnt know who to tell this so I decided to vent here.sorry.I've been really stressed lately with studies and anxious about the future.One of the subjects I started studying is sociology.After reading through some of the work of Emile Durkheim on suicide,the way he accurately describes the spike in suicide rates after nations embraced modernity and capitalism made me realise how I'm also a part of that depressing world with too many expactations,too much hope,a lack of a sense of belonging,the diminishing role of family in our lives,the huge burden of making too many decisions for ourselves which can lead to failiure(probably my case) and in the end I'm to blame for it.I may seem to be talking nonesense now and maybe I am,but thats the only way I can describe the reason I feel that way.
There is no freedom in this world other than death.
We are all enslaved in the pursuit of success which is defined in materialistic achievements.My definition of success is a stable income,family and home but none of this can be achieved if I make the wrong decisions in life or as in my current state,fail in studies(even if I finish studies well it doesnt guarantee ""success"" in life).There are just so many chances of failiure and it will be because I made a wrong decision.I was quite optiministic about everything as I always got good grades and thought things would go smoothly.However a bad grade made me lose all confidence in myself and I'm in too much pressure these days.
By now I've had uncountable failed suicide attempts but I gave up for now just to see where life takes me but by doing that I feel guilty for wasting my fathers money on my study which Im not sure if Ill be able to pass,they expect me to do well and he pays alot for my studies,Im 17 (almost 18 and dont work either),when anxiety gets too bad I self medicate on xanax(that I plan on stopping cuz of my gf,after which it will become even harder to deal with the severe anxiety).I can't kill myself probably cuz I'm too lazy but I hope to succeed in it one day when I am on the lowest point emotionally and lose all hope.I feel like death is liberating.Im a believer in heaven in hell but for me atleast the next world won't have all that psychological burden.I hope that the human soul does not see or feel the decomposition of our bodies in the grave or how insects eat us.
I'm sorry for wasting the time of anyone who read through this.I know its nonesense to most normal people.",5.850902227722774,6.530715344554455,6.313598391089113,77.90534808168319,66.84158415841584,9.084777227722773,32.81095297029703,9.103633062298675,2.7881200495049505,2079,86,390,35,32,674,256,505,0.187,0.7070000000000001,0.106,-0.9919,4,0,0,0,0,4,44.0,4,0,0,14,26,26,2,2,23,0,35,6,1,11,5,72,64,33,7,9,16,1,4,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,25,16,1,1,12,2,2,3,9,14,2,1,10,6,33,12,71,42,12,52,3,5,2,0,17,29,1,15,18,250,58,14,0.08028734578293309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039617931853743,0.0,0.0,0.0642057614155925,0.06680550337657247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141959976781464,0.09070184785031676,0.0,0.056138778945198316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407316024815075,0.04894242078907456,0.08867106556084978,0.0,0.09045634501637503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918114167834662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355739204719072,0.08277272809668107,0.06915137327664005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702599973415203,0.0,0.09409617130864753,0.0,0.0,0.08215399849378864,0.0,0.09031245762449226,0.07111075781691663,0.0,0.0,0.10605806936327064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215708943175889,0.0,0.15137552842671853,0.0,0.16238277757068978,0.05735729586949762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041946824433588915,0.0,0.09125829766210103,0.06734121643540425,0.06421312481123011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053475405032345,0.3189738004375937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601723324698281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882605254889492,0.0,0.08824765109362692,0.0,0.09056762311377864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012798011615513,0.039224341679058965,0.0,0.0,0.07105177452246439,0.0,0.17964200644681255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790948353985666,0.10718485350313033,0.2441963010800455,0.0806594301916925,0.0,0.0,0.08088105421913386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804087426172323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538650308022844,0.0,0.0786645522496841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440478335535602,0.06106214435428254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694337153818567,0.0,0.05566113644628402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758974929284211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865633381041593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539547500488556,0.16061814535787333,0.0,0.05143412958353158,0.08254876330341268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795723950259488,0.07309058421895795,0.08375721167108427,0.09070184785031676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975022076435926,0.056827796581860934,0.0,0.0,0.06712381610389732,0.09196888333172412,0.0,0.0,0.17564265024600506,0.0,0.07566987323870596,0.0,0.0603660921452989,0.12906385461943196,0.07017467902229604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333934500823599,0.0,0.0,0.06373918436809832,0.04681619697975994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657579145671837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911850740424707,0.0,0.0,0.1443759319629228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690028789529702,0.0,0.0,0.057033826887709936,0.1755632177898904,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway281496,2019/02/03,"Not meant for this world I have decided I'm going to end my life. My Dad has a gun, so I am going be using that. I'm a male in my early 20s, with no job and no relationship. Probably because I'm an unlovable piece of trash who pushes everyone away. Every time I do try to find someone I get my heart torn out. I honestly don't know how much more pain I can take. My friendships seem to be dwindling because of it. I'm done dealing with this constant hurt. Goodbye and I hope you can find meaning in this world, something I have never found myself.",1.9118421052631585,3.627472991228072,3.761263157894735,88.4008421052632,77.85964912280701,6.314385964912281,25.43508771929825,7.1686216300943375,1.118536140350877,427,16,90,5,10,144,78,114,0.16699999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.073,-0.8748,1,0,1,1,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,11,3,1,2,1,18,26,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,0,15,2,12,21,3,14,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,5,58,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296392162614124,0.0,0.0,0.22444599696648654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894199462370987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979452977367514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883937648440305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305410190113753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510852366410013,0.17591128118629648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33652017472543994,0.0,0.0,0.20185137619855545,0.0,0.0,0.0961823779635836,0.0,0.2092515988175945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181542296090339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284851742914413,0.0,0.0,0.19707819905066198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268652450278566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011741537827714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003220074199584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053413047588686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353314838095543,0.0,0.14198591309757594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589074948830815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984862457587324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976498303898311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759376405374946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598364538272633,0.1417258241528666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841701652758193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073476529755888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498886083283407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899953198374894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlithyMcSlithWrist,2019/02/03,"Here is a cliché for you (rant) Im a closeted gay guy in a homophobic country.

And ive know for a long time, and have been depressed because of it since i was 13. Had a few tries at killing myself, but i got myself out of it and just hoped ill leave this place one day and start freash, thats what kept me motivated, and now that im nearing my mid 20s and with my chances of leaving very slim, ive came to the realisation that I've spent the best years of my life being depressed and suecidal. Even if i succeed in life and go somewhere, nothing is going to bring me back thoes years.

So i have been contemplating suicide for the past week, it never got this bad before, but i dont want to die before experiencing even a tiny bit of love. I know, right? Another cliché...

Anyway i just wanted to rant and see if anyone has any suggestions about my situation? dating, motivation, anything...

Sorry if this doesnt seen genuine, im not good with expressing my emotions, and its my first time talking about it. Oh and sorry for the wall of text. ",4.3334244702665785,5.061478736842113,5.419702665755299,82.7954186602871,70.24401913875597,8.268079289131922,28.325700615174302,8.418075326091056,1.8098609706083384,812,28,170,12,14,269,129,209,0.156,0.705,0.139,0.1279,0,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,1,0,5,11,9,1,0,10,0,14,5,0,2,1,32,31,17,3,6,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,12,15,0,1,4,0,1,4,4,4,0,2,10,3,20,5,23,20,3,27,0,2,2,2,6,9,0,4,14,108,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196943923943538,0.12639377920918446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428242298995775,0.0,0.09919185707570782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268567761218467,0.10064353924286364,0.07347836715729106,0.0,0.20513658306383006,0.0,0.12649637003515646,0.0,0.13159541934061642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378624618777673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773653154068776,0.0,0.20763705240285565,0.0,0.12509859825196762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126871764903753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558814241757108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922738669288444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025288930550035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700815353338816,0.10110089665127084,0.1928092433976942,0.0,0.0,0.1193507931629882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972065155460193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39060262776487625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335656874123214,0.0,0.13248820150869056,0.0,0.0,0.2552630118560086,0.0,0.0,0.17027799858364318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667164172443493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087895421497175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296573068580688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565870819432345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167913605511945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150664102854132,0.0,0.0,0.12593573408685965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293812255652862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605255392990213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970962940998483,0.13548887937993345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26986308615278154,0.08531686080623851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184814865284122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968832471255574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057243818862222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183685635719186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945582561925252,0.1421919442164483,0.0,0.09668768275823797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552440283067106
suicidewatch,canttryharder,2019/02/03,Help me I’m so close to just finding some rope ,-2.8372727272727265,-1.4026288181818174,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,109.9090909090909,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.7490363636363635,37,1,10,0,2,12,11,11,0.0,0.769,0.231,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8063942500568206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5913783167104607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justniiro,2019/02/03,Im going to wait until march I'll wait until march. If nothing good happens until then im going to our nearby forest and hang myself. Too much happened lately and im so overwhelmed by it that i can't think about anything else beside dyingand getting myself out everyone's way so they can at least change for the better. ,2.2022098214285752,4.758109265625002,3.647589285714286,85.19562500000002,81.34375,4.2821428571428575,21.642857142857146,5.288315135182226,0.3291544642857138,259,8,44,1,7,85,49,64,0.039,0.8859999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.2756,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,10,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,10,10,2,13,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846584807558188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105684013790946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656498423110987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101600304919692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956172599663233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695694504297196,0.0,0.2326924352334197,0.17170813005908792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620637132444105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6633931946322635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093133792259815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504916220919669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643288207026355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311753219390159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249598337510754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unknown2091,2019/02/03,This person is suicidal. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to save them over the internet. u/imgonnacnr ,-1.3562499999999993,0.5824425416666692,1.9916666666666671,91.47,102.75,7.4,18.5,8.07648339933343,1.4432,87,3,20,3,4,31,18,24,0.182,0.688,0.13,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6176334754209933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906471893822362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6146496771256755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bowditch357,2019/02/03,Bye. I have no friends really. So I might as well say it here. Bye. ,-4.1690000000000005,-4.483232066666663,-0.7541666666666647,107.14875000000002,136.33333333333334,4.166666666666667,10.416666666666668,5.985473137389443,-1.145333333333333,49,1,14,1,4,17,13,15,0.125,0.5660000000000001,0.309,0.5046,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087006669932465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611807058217895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33888810937466224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42067851148694624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756305493870509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,esseljay,2019/02/03,"Is anyone else waiting for themselves to just “snap”? I’ve though about a suicide for the better part of ten years now, almost half my life.  In the past year or so it’s gotten worse and worse to the point of it now being all I can think about, I can’t even leave the house any more.  I’ve made my plans and even wrote my letters a few weeks ago but every time I decide it’s time I just back out. I feel like I’m just waiting for the day when I finally decide to do it, that I’m just going to snap and then it’ll all be over but I’ve no idea if that’s going to be today or next year. ",1.9601515151515159,2.2268280454545457,3.5390909090909086,95.81196969696973,75.36363636363636,6.16969696969697,19.21212121212121,5.033348758259628,-0.5354606060606062,450,6,115,1,9,150,79,132,0.08900000000000001,0.868,0.042,-0.5878,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,14,2,0,0,7,0,8,1,0,1,2,25,19,12,1,1,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,1,9,2,15,12,5,23,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,18,74,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022453743207673,0.0,0.16969928191485176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524511039454798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849705490146495,0.17364158854777587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303116289134112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988205172774133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092938446599227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157006935373145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386608872186364,0.0,0.1427854112762882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568890021472493,0.12106908567217355,0.0,0.1856456165313026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926269098021618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554511582772974,0.0,0.1913105024054891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944379182014494,0.0,0.0,0.11970136020580285,0.0827942655103798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035619281964486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023279689105806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183519015982446,0.1617778684237604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020350915010256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537218977952016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858924950469268,0.1665029797070537,0.0,0.19763812352256047,0.0,0.16063732486526885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593825670464504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34540791437126794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273985160745215
suicidewatch,CooterIsNoLongerSad,2019/02/03,"Where I’m at. I’ve been dragging on for quite some time. I just can’t seem to enjoy anything anymore. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, and I hate myself. I’ve been running from myself for quite sometime. Some days I just maintain a high because I hate the feeling of a sober life. Something that has been concerning me a lot lately is my thought pattern. For the last few years I’ve just been severely depressed and anxious. However, lately my thoughts have been alarmingly homicidal. I know this isn’t right, and I’d like to think I’d never act on these urges. Yet I feel thoughts define who we are, and that they will eventually manifest. I need help but I don’t trust the mental health professionals in my area due to several bad experiences. Thanks for reading.",3.363643336529244,5.727828859060407,4.082861936720998,84.74659395973156,75.84563758389262,7.210162991371044,28.76366251198466,8.192908349453996,2.11555953978907,616,27,117,11,14,196,98,149,0.132,0.7659999999999999,0.102,-0.516,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,2,6,9,2,1,6,0,13,3,1,0,1,23,27,6,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,9,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,8,4,18,4,14,18,5,20,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,4,10,73,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631882047168756,0.14600454623849074,0.0,0.0,0.12115106393416875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292412116114408,0.08974509218490474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494593387356624,0.0,0.1268019903668146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401124926830955,0.0,0.0,0.22331941964713134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907022560668141,0.0,0.15648997508248144,0.0,0.0,0.09867972352078193,0.15554800030375296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090929560503878,0.12000548244620653,0.3321453885717149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398716840861223,0.07192517458525798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251627785099214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836502907782545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916315930935958,0.11354659055739362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31317718465605543,0.1472617213177221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572668195526174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402527118240154,0.0,0.3326376409433751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333859659328027,0.14560620474879796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554212812829788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433383677675107,0.0,0.3506331859773413,0.08584626272987958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480606449594484
suicidewatch,blitzium,2019/02/03,"I just wanted to vent. Like I said, I just wanted to vent about my feelings and emotional state. I am at this point in my life where I feel like I have nothing live for. I just do not want to continue this game called life knowing well that whatever I may achieve at the end is just worthless and meaningless. 

  
The problem is that I am a total coward when it comes to death. So I know very well that there is no way that I will ever be able to bring myself to end it. The main reason probably is that I still have this teeny tiny little bit of myself which is religious so even if the probability of God existing might be very very low I just cannot risk it. Even if I would die right now of natural causes, it would be a straight way to hell for me anyway according to how I see it. I just deserve nothing. Seriously I deserve nothing. It does not matter when I die, I will definitely go to hell anyway.

  
The worst part is that there is not even anybody in my life to blame. My parents were great and they did everything they could to make it possible that I had everything I needed growing up. They loved me too and I still think they do. I went to a great high school, moved on to a great university. I achieved a lot and learned a lot. My grades were just way above average. So I cannot even think that I have the right to feel this way. I should have just been normal like everybody at least seems to be on the outside. 

  
I am friendly as well. When I am outside meeting and talking with people, I feel like I just look like a normal, maybe even a great guy. However, when I eventually in my room or anywhere just in my thoughts, it goes downhill so fast. I just do not want to try to live. I just lay there doing nothing and wanting to die.

  
So yeah that is it. I just do not want to live. I am too coward to end it myself. Even if I die normally, I would just go to hell. I had everything which makes me feel that I do not even deserve the right to feel this way. Everybody probably thinks I am fine when I just imagine them learning that I committed suicide and getting surprised for a moment before they would not eventually move on. I will never be able to do it anyway. That would affect nothing in the world anyway.

I just wish that I never existed. That would have been nice.",2.5771015694076063,4.255986967672417,3.825431034482758,88.82677497789568,75.875,7.086560565870911,24.82847038019452,7.882392219407189,1.232311626878868,1779,60,381,27,39,581,183,464,0.138,0.718,0.145,-0.5402,2,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,6,2,52,26,3,1,18,1,53,4,0,6,5,89,86,24,6,23,27,1,6,5,1,12,3,1,1,1,32,10,0,0,17,1,0,8,12,9,3,0,10,9,65,17,44,58,8,54,3,2,2,1,15,23,3,9,22,292,97,6,0.12265016981356792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218313044974469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695110966046945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626197682453618,0.0,0.0,0.06299775497136251,0.0,0.0528261305530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048963090230492036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545830246039099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053665995064381126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898246638936263,0.16294746893358505,0.0,0.0,0.2835324814719627,0.05547205022555575,0.0,0.0,0.16534509614974693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604683324900986,0.08762130582147562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737960847553084,0.0,0.032039825764256624,0.0,0.06970491797932317,0.0,0.0,0.2704444904251898,0.0,0.06072147557383058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647933191848168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740532575049102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994716320365224,0.1498016941788307,0.06146384575446458,0.1624535205009868,0.0,0.051497626204395054,0.0,0.0,0.10427278836391704,0.055348283419542635,0.0,0.08186994074473357,0.0,0.0616092904405097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505622396328947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303577202155704,0.0,0.045471773411050964,0.094595372103352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802566879807663,0.2942153645737269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809424945447913,0.06640909086814897,0.0,0.042515092326069336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797202725609174,0.06913481896907396,0.0,0.0,0.19835644112850945,0.05867982412216963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305240096264217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571138623074669,0.05833419904949015,0.0,0.0,0.06206425991569346,0.04886815288519837,0.055828054090023886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794858404679847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707968942397463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049290780295143145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178839146296046,0.0,0.04868526733752973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163570716741009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517988525916402,0.2170267437371014,0.24338498975631,0.0,0.0,0.16541584853346336,0.05684896809832365,0.0,0.0,0.07052082115757471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613814848908201,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisisathrowawayy110,2019/02/03,I can't do this anymore i'm gonna wait a few days but if this gets any worse i'll just have to hang myself on a doorknob or some shit,-0.9436363636363652,0.21806009090909484,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,84.45454545454545,4.4,17.060606060606062,3.1291,-1.2224666666666666,105,2,30,0,3,36,29,33,0.274,0.726,0.0,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307586830133933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823635221910201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136782809910572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541162445528926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992675211330088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956681739846218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrGhostty,2019/02/03,"Difficult sometimes I’m not one for blurting out my problems online and I think I’m getting close to doing something I know would hurt my family and what friends I have, at least I think. 

Context;
Although the past days have gotten better I know the next few years are going to be tough. Recently I split up with my girlfriend who today said I can’t stay at a flat I pay rent for and have done for the next three months, iv had and will need to quit my job and commute for a masters course I am halfway through. Technically speaking i am homeless and have been asking friends to stay at theirs while I find money which, I never thought I’d have to do and am worried they will say no, as my only friend in that area has not replied. I have my parents place back in my home town but as they are leaving to move away they have firmly said to find somewhere else. Home issues alone I also have to look after my two sisters who yes are old enough to look after themselves but one suffers from depression and suicide severely and the other can’t be trusted to look after her.  I recently told my parents that this pressure is getting to much, I feel alone and abandoned by everyone I know and the past months, not days or weeks, iv been struggling to sleep and I’d spend hours in the night contemplating on how and where I’d take my life. Until now I usually had the thought that my sister would follow suite and thus I stopped myself... and also I’d leave my parents ina situation where they can’t retire or leave. I told my mum that I was suicidal a week ago and she laughed at me and left the conversation. Upon hearing I’d left my girlfriend they refused to talk to me.  Another reason I think why they have got a place for my sisters to live. not me. 

I am running through my overdraft currently and soon that will run out but I have a lot of debts to pay that in a couple weeks time I won’t be able to pay. 

I haven’t hurt myself but I know I am torturing myself. I struggle to stare myself in the mirror or see my reflection or picture of me... it gets me angry and upset just looking at it... I can’t stop thinking of just killing my self through out the day, I just can’t. It feels like the only way out and I feel like any day I’m just going to crack... I’m utterly scared of myself.  I think iv come to terms with knowing that I won’t die naturally... that when I die it’ll be my own doing and when I told my ex It clicked that it isn’t right, what’s going on in my head. I need help but I don’t want to be judged and laughed at. I don’t really know why I’m putting this here in all honesty. 


",3.2656329234582024,4.273235336431227,4.265836431226767,89.0488185111048,72.95910780669145,7.004937565532362,27.177771423124586,7.2200825789825185,1.2061679916118575,2033,72,441,20,39,660,241,538,0.188,0.742,0.069,-0.9967,7,2,1,0,0,3,44.0,0,0,7,3,15,24,2,5,17,1,51,6,2,3,2,82,98,41,5,6,17,8,3,2,5,8,4,5,3,1,23,30,0,4,20,0,7,9,17,15,0,4,15,15,79,9,65,70,8,82,0,5,7,0,38,32,0,5,40,299,102,4,0.06743927102754997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978084471315116,0.0,0.0,0.13969349232911382,0.0,0.10786232135118837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586101688987703,0.07071595581074913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630466147783543,0.0,0.06336141509543293,0.05185663664241726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059644554829638576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580929605090822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462027067654864,0.0,0.1739710028043128,0.0,0.05808534531629692,0.0,0.13998263207767062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901378867597259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633685732526913,0.0,0.0,0.06968279462494313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444111351329226,0.0,0.0,0.06357574278335495,0.0,0.10229796526469544,0.0963572573941704,0.0,0.0,0.12327654390754525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631024051662065,0.0,0.10570270697589297,0.0,0.11498187559070208,0.0,0.053937345735384674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921214830442875,0.0,0.07600895978497373,0.0,0.04520312181094445,0.0,0.13529417500538093,0.0,0.06641409735548466,0.0,0.1443902688943436,0.0,0.0,0.07038907768008175,0.06692307044461424,0.0,0.07461156143270724,0.0,0.2223771580046255,0.0,0.0,0.21422535166845305,0.14654593059215387,0.0,0.04763435154294651,0.06589484266980443,0.0,0.05955011186204781,0.0,0.2265280105948597,0.0,0.0,0.057334456576469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765876545202943,0.07167727233899737,0.04957562386722656,0.10001072989405584,0.052013323315628884,0.0,0.14344485963929662,0.06328718739784749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076617043695636,0.0,0.0913971907806405,0.10258120909278363,0.0,0.0,0.2246499887293368,0.0,0.12875683021674422,0.0,0.0,0.14091936901327318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453027450087052,0.0,0.06779509423433264,0.0,0.07172996600175385,0.0,0.0,0.043203323901476624,0.06933880261105005,0.1331762884108552,0.0,0.0,0.057592768975611074,0.12830038036974398,0.053630415135245434,0.06751847517453011,0.0,0.05374036761710326,0.0,0.07035386764023338,0.07618718043581646,0.0,0.0,0.0758045662296572,0.0674879748625514,0.0,0.0,0.05191804562168828,0.06669916346394197,0.0,0.0,0.14376257966967299,0.0,0.11276450061938467,0.0,0.14100433742715682,0.0,0.14753523333505775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050705938891882775,0.05420513149776092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160618089802002,0.0,0.10707849631240167,0.0393243812684158,0.0,0.06392454346713243,0.1933233405398768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587836848457289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427482928840094,0.0,0.03977742934331136,0.05353015430198786,0.16228714603254255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170690518954085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848785330859444,0.0,0.09581384642151816,0.0,0.0,0.043428679458388623
suicidewatch,kderas,2019/02/03,"Is it worth living after not taking advantage of all the opportunities our parent worked so hard for? Hi, I’m 22 soon to be 23 in four days. My life has had many great opportunities that I took for granted, while I was a child I was brought to the U.S I was given the opportunity to learn a second language witch I did but I the years pass I and my hight school days came to and end I didn’t graduate and that started a set of events.  I was given the opportunity to work and study  legally but since I didn’t graduate high school that door eventually close and I was left without a job now I have to lie to my family and friend putting a front so that they don’t figure out I’m a joke. Now I only have regrets of the life choices I made and my future goal that I once had just banish. I only blame myself

For anyone that read this THANK YOU
No need to comment I just needed to get this out of my chest before the day ended ",3.1246539027982365,4.068009948453611,4.7771723122238585,85.4937113402062,73.22680412371133,7.398527245949928,23.135493372606767,7.7094869923839395,0.8460895434462445,726,18,160,9,14,246,112,194,0.09,0.762,0.147,0.8759999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,1,8,7,11,0,0,13,0,16,3,1,1,1,24,30,12,0,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,9,11,0,0,2,2,1,6,6,2,0,2,16,1,26,9,21,13,1,27,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,14,107,35,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861432596037993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217923090528694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177662647096375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005360077318482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751626299658532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643666370989572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001196852152288,0.0,0.08115648661471897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125814625763186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391502669162463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412068467026514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541467033193266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877268134565476,0.0,0.21943638288909376,0.0,0.0,0.13716425987102224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698238543701656,0.0,0.15748600843704744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303588912957444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542743990291328,0.0,0.23627958339493185,0.0,0.0,0.17248190065243282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615527213585098,0.0,0.0,0.15537772572575595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31441602186985423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849528769972784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994740066537087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679310687580652,0.0,0.0,0.14301223305115246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258366677802453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973806168649526,0.0,0.22617246425535326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003109127461003
suicidewatch,QuitBSing,2019/02/03,"I have no motivation I lost all my will.

I don't want to do anything.

I don't want to die but I don't want to live either.

I sometimes think about suicide just so I don't have to deal with my endless boredom.

I have a lot to do, exams, internship, and whatnot but it's overwhelming me. I think about suicide so I don't have to do these things.

Also my crush is getting fucked by someone else, yay!

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suicidewatch,Whatsthatinyourmouth,2019/02/03,"What about antifreeze? Will it do the trick? I'm no longer hysterical, I'm fairly calm, almost resolved. Just hope it will work. ",1.3912499999999994,4.012355625000001,1.9916666666666671,91.47,96.91666666666666,4.066666666666666,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.03305000000000025,101,3,19,1,4,31,20,24,0.165,0.588,0.246,0.4945,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6308934217907571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6257712559397546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586761663534873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kphoenix0,2019/02/03,"I tried to commit suicide in October It turns out I was too fat for a whole pack of cocodamol and a whole pack of high strength paracetamol to do the trick. The nurses told me this the night I got brought in the ambulance. They let me away that night even though I told them I would probably do it again. Tried to get mental health support and the psychiatrists told my GP they wouldn't see me. I don't want to get better anymore. 

Everyone in my life has stopped watching me now and I want to try again but I don't know how much its going to take and if its even going to work or if I'm just too fat for overdosing at all",2.737557251908399,3.9339608091603084,3.660984732824428,92.14766030534349,74.49618320610688,7.377404580152671,24.55038167938931,7.908726449838941,1.013716946564886,490,15,113,7,10,157,78,131,0.061,0.878,0.061,0.2448,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,3,3,10,4,1,0,7,0,9,4,2,1,2,19,26,10,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,5,2,1,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,6,2,17,3,17,17,4,16,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,3,6,78,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478812525069888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009773192240565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187942284067186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969770912121402,0.0,0.0,0.14248504128528008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581206620334945,0.0,0.16949011169420344,0.0,0.1192602752331316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850145845584626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575473757666619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194928364755981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524794076500655,0.10532379371120408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502720764079917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961611971537777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27986721574423196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077036521348667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188247390701844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466617699702555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310677040398305,0.16921306631057625,0.0,0.0,0.11211534690393796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650397837431076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274551238558403,0.0,0.30371633148028865,0.1621934679857901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759028779363025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33296143545037804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855693871159523,0.0,0.0,0.10592647394473943,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnrellis860,2019/02/03,SSRI Overdose I'm about to take 1500mg of Lexapro and another \~1300mg of Zoloft. Is this enough to kill me?,0.21942028985506928,2.581161086956527,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,90.30434782608695,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.0964318840579712,87,3,20,1,3,27,20,23,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271673958449672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5194654722046074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562080309805884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37799839446481376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yellowroom111,2019/02/03,"I'm so tired of trying I'm 16 and I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety two years ago. I was in therapy for 6 months but it didn't help me. A year ago I had the worst breakdown in my life. I decided to tell my parents that I want to go back to therapy but my mom pretty much said that they're not gonna waste money on me and that I need to get my shit together. I don't know why but something finally broke in me. I'm feeling awful and I'm considering suicide. I hate this life. I hate going to school and feeling like a failure because of my anxiety. I hate feeling like I don't matter. I hate myself. I just want the pain to stop. 
I was supposed to go to my school today but I just broke down crying and locked myself in the bathroom. I heard them talking from downstairs. They said that I'm lazy, that it's my fault, that I'm being selfish. And the worst part is that I'm starting to belive that. It's my fault that I'm behind in school, it's my fault that people hate and ignore me, I'm such a failure that even my parents don't take me seriously. 
Then they came to me and just started asking me if I'm going to school over and over again.
The same thing happened two years ago. It's how I got into therapy. And that didn't help me. So why should I try all of this again? What's the point? I'm so tired of this. 

I've done everything I could. I was in therapy, I took meds, I tried to socialize, I tried to focus on the things I love. Nothing helped. Maybe I fucking deserve it. Maybe I deserve to be this miserable. I just want to die. My life was a fucking mistake. I wanted to kill myself with pills but I don't have enough and it would take a few days to kill me anyway. I just hope that I won't wake up. 

I know that it's very chaotic and long and that probably no one's gonna answer. Whatever. I'm used to being ignored. I'm gonna try to kill myself tomorrow but right now I'm so exhausted I can't even get out of bed. ",0.3810733027674935,2.2944018717339683,2.7191084350660115,93.00623045903995,83.72684085510689,5.9115284759432125,21.192122852565873,7.1213741377187105,0.5029785228967572,1512,48,348,21,43,517,177,421,0.339,0.591,0.07,-0.9993,2,0,1,0,0,5,43.0,0,0,3,0,18,31,11,1,12,1,23,15,2,2,1,57,78,27,5,11,13,3,3,2,0,6,10,3,1,0,30,19,0,3,7,0,1,6,10,27,0,3,15,6,60,4,43,53,8,42,0,4,0,3,17,16,3,2,22,221,90,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845339574603512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108423496728905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624947451692809,0.0,0.0,0.05449102921470287,0.0,0.0431988194354016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105100627547979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056580162987737465,0.0,0.0778421869989472,0.04570224570140511,0.0,0.061036165349517724,0.07192677165204255,0.07354697670322903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251978952841807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322278195273478,0.0,0.0936117035942361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368914792303264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749485070313143,0.10125234623140862,0.0,0.07762945485633194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102762647229696,0.0740483721638716,0.0,0.16109749616501454,0.0,0.056677441356199974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626659366873836,0.0,0.0,0.3498239837845544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249851845469366,0.0,0.0,0.0703852168914548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352058118512059,0.0,0.07789141370062569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016273767128355,0.06924239652830648,0.0,0.0,0.06271354642200247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395868565948844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238740562629168,0.0,0.07871535519276694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299656424924949,0.05656399366891065,0.0,0.05209413767256306,0.05254571022432127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799715133466477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048020150509490295,0.0,0.07540565864914459,0.0,0.15737502328898098,0.07674019690136656,0.0,0.04912906521879749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699059915210477,0.0,0.0,0.07209547045224897,0.07640476200805238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051856541422172,0.13481822631872328,0.0,0.0,0.2868778032769153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274219576012902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223823285731285,0.0,0.054555557859446574,0.0,0.0,0.10031762564550342,0.0,0.0,0.05924655063924949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751511889688079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656374868926427,0.05695883102482707,0.061939381811251686,0.0,0.3241625133250912,0.0,0.09415949177273812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628984387213273,0.06717200326013438,0.0,0.07873393809945316,0.24056438089917695,0.0,0.13845017086100347,0.0,0.0,0.06120485252855658,0.0,0.0584712809897894,0.16719272245737546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788979300847306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034066459544904,0.0,0.0,0.13690475863916593
suicidewatch,Cakeomaru,2019/02/03,"It feels like an asphyxiation... Right now... it feels like that my job is more important to my parents than myself. I'm always being compared to others, I have zero accomplishments in life, and yet they have made feel like I owe them for raising me. 

I never asked to be born in this world. And yet, they have managed to twist things around, make me like im on  the wrong side. Whenever I argue with them about problems, it is either that they just laugh it off or tell me that I am wrong, because they are always right. Talking to them is like a cold brick wall with no signs of emotional support at all.

I just feel so disconnected right now. I want to find a reason to push through the odds. Because right now, I rather live a short life. I feel selfish, stupid, like a coward, confused.. and dead inside. I don't even know what I'm living for. Help me, please.",3.5882850678733083,5.006407629411765,4.086470588235295,89.05604072398191,72.70588235294117,6.642533936651581,23.665158371040725,7.010146845296331,0.6747556561085971,667,18,140,6,13,210,105,170,0.145,0.6890000000000001,0.166,-0.0018,3,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,7,1,13,15,2,1,7,0,11,2,0,3,2,27,25,5,1,3,5,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,8,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,1,6,24,8,21,22,3,22,0,0,0,0,13,14,0,2,13,94,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077524238689632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275035347700407,0.11840590653045956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441617955739032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424705240154969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365484184409623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32020443275637894,0.2714483986013164,0.0,0.0,0.11576094122286128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489459164220296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680980275327356,0.0,0.1256861585931957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696066158819496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892121872876873,0.3712652269799092,0.0,0.22367846406360528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984460912001152,0.08454360919181718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768462145827024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063607623802796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390298357136977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119232218568325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022307081452922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326528264288553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437272955251497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180098893745368,0.11070259359451268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841443653937934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747047656310188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769560733290156,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathscalling,2019/02/03,"Suicide as Revenge Ok before you think it's some 13 reasons why shit, it actually a lot more simple and I have lesser reasons.

I feel like leaving a suicide note that blames my death on my mom. I really loathe her. I want to let everyone know how shitty she is as a mom and I want to make sure she knows that well. I want her to blame herself for once for what she's done and make her taste the reality of her shitty parenting. I want to be alleviated from this suffering. When I think of death as a way out, my heart feels more at peace.

I just wish I was dead, then I'll laugh at her suffering from the grave.",2.485312499999999,3.75338565625,4.152000000000001,88.09300000000002,75.25,7.620000000000001,23.7375,8.238735603445708,1.1340662499999996,476,14,108,8,10,160,80,128,0.327,0.518,0.155,-0.9875,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,9,1,0,6,1,6,3,2,5,1,24,19,9,6,5,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,23,5,17,15,4,7,0,3,0,0,13,4,1,2,3,70,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.14934390838592726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022484784627206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661194766531825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623524502361096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476215105867028,0.10933103399845152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813518553482022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821237465505565,0.0,0.0,0.16204611768046487,0.0,0.15649266293237166,0.0,0.07476708531443595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301082158368678,0.0,0.0,0.20430933301201365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35847466356782803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298145361726052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993160812679878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804065001551658,0.3146989937527746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709225067429908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347994753678108,0.0,0.14423736960233965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612231914612668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610652770752427,0.1214751701782468,0.0,0.0,0.1376003670214055,0.0,0.13809382032005652,0.0,0.17598720364397494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,themage420,2019/02/03,"I could really use a friend I’m really lonely, and on the verge of ending my life , to be quite frank. I just need someone who doesn’t know me to talk to, please.",-0.3681428571428569,1.6492646857142894,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,87.85714285714286,5.7857142857142865,11.607142857142858,7.1686216300943375,-0.7385714285714279,124,1,30,2,4,42,30,35,0.079,0.759,0.162,0.4562,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596251244097689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880078081604493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512287661387303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870722621336851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22968014106562326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411125354507325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569436035136743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34586276870089405,0.0,0.0,0.4166298146936488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755190289097682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613626898575867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28084608833049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,birdcatdogman,2019/02/03,"on the edge of the fence i've had suicidal thought before but would never commit to them, my family means too much to me.
i became close to a girl around easter time, we went into a relationship and that has almost completely removed all suicidal thoughts but i fucked up today. am i selfish to be asking for help even though i know i won't do it, but i don't know if i would. i've been drinking to help numb myself a bit but i feel its only made it worse.",4.134375000000002,4.276935354166668,5.522916666666667,83.96375000000002,70.45833333333334,8.483333333333333,25.375,8.344100000000001,1.4011375000000004,358,9,77,5,6,121,69,96,0.267,0.667,0.066,-0.9742,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,1,3,24,20,7,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,6,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,6,1,13,0,11,10,3,10,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,2,3,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143598128231506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129784266418548,0.16938853576149152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417965839770698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781295464325868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997465421113696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774975813576564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196745296290213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081015400876073,0.0,0.09161529453767443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675075761300934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24289616951909845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991549761163804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714467077917676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973694292081401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331957689695827,0.0,0.13974518231466262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378034400891872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453064729954989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963857097754197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801861721923282,0.28768982705360474,0.10565356103894294,0.0,0.1717472834217416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796528698298058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464846515400649,0.25742487852955315,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,longlostlenore,2019/02/03,"It doesn’t even make sense... I have had a terrible life, and had so many terrible things happen to me.  But nothing makes me more suicidal that being in love with someone who I will never be with.",3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846153,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,72.84615384615384,8.276923076923078,25.820512820512814,8.841846274778883,1.850651282051282,153,5,31,3,3,50,34,39,0.238,0.6709999999999999,0.091,-0.7778,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,2,1,7,11,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760185252675907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913358776720069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327037371266825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29734590762299257,0.0,0.4398274044608949,0.33401555590703835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409592707507983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161208594408379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791460653905602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603701849910959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887519461816007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Perry_lp,2019/02/03,"People say suicide is selfish but isn’t guilting someone who’s suffering to stay alive just as selfish? I understand some people will miss me. Well they tell me but I still think they’re lying. But pretend they’re telling the truth, isn’t it selfish of them to keep me alive for their comfort? The true selfless thing would be to let me die. ",3.4151243781094505,5.59554665671642,3.382910447761194,90.6978482587065,74.97014925373135,5.6606965174129344,29.07711442786069,6.42735559955562,1.305947263681592,274,12,53,2,6,83,48,67,0.326,0.472,0.203,-0.9137,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,3,0,3,10,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,11,11,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,9,4,6,7,1,2,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639485947850449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260552295455981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600639499370504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526330600897451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022489862146932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154882553215356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27107599223758433,0.2031038099304621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781896364005005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445815048769087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896184352603752,0.16296081884042726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647606899234321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286681962581148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066477068296216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,indicaech0,2019/02/03,"Intrusive suicidal thoughts I used to struggle with depression and anxiety really bad and would self harm. I've had a suicide attempt in the past as well. Im at a point in my life now where I feel a lot better and Im definitely not depressed anymore, but I get a lot of suicidal thoughts still and its really awful. I think about killing myself every single day but I'm not really sad? Idk what to do. I really thought I was getting better but it kind of seems like I'm going through a downword spiral.",2.2734653465346533,4.55630095049505,4.354940594059406,81.82904455445545,79.0990099009901,8.000396039603961,27.921782178217825,8.841846274778883,2.5804526732673265,400,18,76,10,10,137,69,101,0.271,0.563,0.166,-0.939,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,12,1,1,6,1,4,1,0,1,0,20,16,8,4,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,5,1,8,5,11,10,3,10,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,3,5,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053873067288344,0.0,0.136622567076258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150252469618036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367801851254095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884488567959094,0.0,0.23730786308523966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607015546967007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965644375742923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394958187922724,0.0,0.07829313642244617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976125048899261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152412885803066,0.14345758847460705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730514738746138,0.06730339734212616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23424010474975915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315091098709187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130229314379032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530146344972266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254130578380859,0.1437154750356742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110016654139615,0.0,0.0,0.14401841728915585,0.0,0.4520667488745441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827212079780285,0.0,0.3281021530117427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898185838532326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238642931861883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978619435954718,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrazyBibbo,2019/02/03,"I just don't fit Do you have a feeling of alienation?

I've been alone for most of my life. I had 2 friends, a romantic relationship. But I always felt that something was not right with me. My childhood was not a pleasant experience, but I decided to trust someone in my adult life twice. And if I trust someone, I would do almost anything for them. 

Of course each time it ended with a painful disappointment. Im quite old now and I always thought suicide was not an option. Slowly, however, I changed my mind. My work does not give me joy. For most of my free time I listen to music and sit at home. I'm irritated by other people I meet irl. Unfortunately, in today's world there is no way to escape them.

If there was a pleasant form of taking my life, I would probably do it now. Sometimes I am angry at myself and sometimes Im perfectly calm. 

The thought that in theory I can end my life at any time helps me fall asleep almost every night. I tried SSRI, but it does not work. I tried alcohol, but it gives me anxiety. I found out I feel best sober and without any drugs. But im still numb. What is the point of living anymore? Im not that young anymore. Most of my mates started their families and of course most of them are not quite happy about that. I'd rather never born. I tied traveling, but the joy is temporary, it fades away so fast.",1.8202159354926903,4.011399464944657,3.390127101271013,88.63412327456612,80.18081180811808,6.376438431050977,23.32116987836545,7.526774132740827,1.038100341670083,1049,36,218,16,27,346,150,271,0.18600000000000005,0.687,0.127,-0.9521,1,1,3,0,0,3,36.0,0,1,4,6,9,15,0,0,9,0,19,9,1,0,2,47,31,15,1,5,18,0,3,0,2,2,8,1,1,1,11,10,1,0,7,1,1,2,11,3,0,1,10,4,37,13,28,19,7,34,0,1,0,0,14,12,0,9,18,143,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446295294222838,0.1957611321053295,0.10123751465305804,0.0,0.0,0.16266843875811876,0.0,0.0,0.13294407039247427,0.0,0.0747770011331327,0.0,0.19387962687687968,0.0,0.0,0.0804383276974336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183752345527857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102580562209432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340449039591723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710799784004421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335672086114965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315154243776013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235695945253428,0.0,0.0,0.09561636261861987,0.09214817504090066,0.0,0.09884871594985274,0.0,0.09385347003367016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717570648163073,0.0755199114904243,0.0,0.0,0.1875376990789567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405463135811288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655184666142921,0.0,0.09804927771661172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42233872951417817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276169392398413,0.0,0.0,0.08631333101790964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869767943142968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538933265286818,0.0,0.0,0.09172993608672364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257014979156716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401083145934888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776619969601809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240351510210452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538894515711984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079341954471983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494483915317612,0.0,0.0834763122585841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656432342282291,0.07525123492511293,0.1933506686945429,0.0,0.0691865825479059,0.0,0.0780617298858307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692051646479872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349437895746841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520208792424792,0.17099304592533165,0.0,0.0926537349456058,0.0,0.0,0.13272903771452302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758786311620494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942256451970772,0.0,0.14232350900128946,0.0,0.0,0.13887483975576306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gsparks93,2019/02/03,"First time posting in this sub The suicidal thoughts have been becoming ever more present in my mind recently. I guess the past 8 years I’ve struggled silently and not expressed my feelings, I’ve just been plodding through life not really thinking from one day to the next. Now at 25; 26 in a couple
Months time, with no friends, a mountain of debt, no relationship and no prospect of things changing anytime soon, hell they haven’t changed in 8 years why would they start now, I find myself always thinking: what is the point in this existence when all I feel is pain, nothing ever improves and eventually my parents will die and I’ll be a middle aged man with nothing and nobody. ",9.327760416666663,7.893531671875002,8.033125000000002,75.46604166666668,60.40625,10.720833333333333,42.42708333333333,9.2995712137729,3.9568552083333337,546,27,99,7,6,166,90,128,0.21600000000000005,0.746,0.038,-0.9745,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,7,4,1,1,7,0,9,2,0,0,3,22,16,6,2,1,3,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,6,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,3,2,9,1,13,10,2,28,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,19,63,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289055480903117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710965673208544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32776886804219885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141563139338098,0.0,0.09991034949171347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607821242414923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802673614290504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566640462626724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159374134076186,0.13177456383891148,0.0,0.0,0.11969052702202936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066144562272573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942432092134716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642467044597907,0.0,0.12365537599685572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475879115869102,0.0,0.0,0.2972991392446355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497755518172172,0.0,0.16484541609860667,0.0,0.17201992305582947,0.0,0.14788832275537386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644913113624733,0.0,0.14837018821863146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924548621601027,0.0,0.15296445160006772,0.16632571276355956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965291622543813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619556409413936,0.0,0.16945693807866816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292172284530816,0.1985324956371499,0.0,0.12298888685090675,0.1806697719845719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979087591648254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005046505235097,0.0,0.0,0.19952633359396327
suicidewatch,throwaway59493483383,2019/02/03,"Starting to feel lonely again I only have two friends, and after years of having none it’s really nice. But they spend way more time together, because they see each other more. I feel left out. I’ve always had trouble communicating with people, and I know it’s probably me, I genuinely can’t stand the thought of being alone and suicidal again but I honestly have almost nothing in common with my only two friends. I’ve never talked about this anywhere other than the internet, I don’t know how to tell my mum. I just think about how much easier everything would be if I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have the stress of school, I wouldn’t feel lonely so much. ",3.59615056818182,5.635306484375002,4.527869318181818,83.32565340909092,74.0,7.779545454545455,24.13636363636364,8.575989854853784,1.6744281249999995,522,16,99,10,11,169,82,128,0.129,0.763,0.108,0.0838,0,5,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,9,8,0,1,3,0,13,0,0,2,1,25,22,9,1,4,4,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,7,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,3,4,15,4,13,14,6,13,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,2,8,71,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773084651113695,0.18338950272483445,0.0,0.0,0.1473351266825843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079392774943059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913769637432235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685933706268291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736052749124669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462436769662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238537808423112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603313542155407,0.0,0.1365660968006487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990194367950467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269337055159543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275696125486805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909097266096827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343457671865358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920271444668004,0.1411006214996942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253299531519851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028312996933008,0.0,0.0,0.19368413391773856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232090478615494,0.15476562111027298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345830659986747,0.0,0.1405725625714188,0.10325003127255296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459402735310188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054868576264032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578433938782566,0.0,0.0,0.11402626990105325
suicidewatch,Zer0bkz,2019/02/03,"Talk I only need someone to talk to forgot what is happening in my life these last month.
So if there is someone wants talk me in private.
Im spanish and i could commite mistakes whe writting
",0.700614035087721,3.2016571315789486,2.09578947368421,91.31719298245615,96.10526315789473,3.5859649122807014,27.385964912280702,5.46131890053228,1.0141964912280699,153,8,28,1,6,49,30,38,0.068,0.932,0.0,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,7,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932340794747925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318382757657844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831912888482457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370557906264734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518018999514452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926358809645212,0.0,0.0,0.19439758665169346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939400006953772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442758166559223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321729733478549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546361330577105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anending94,2019/02/03,"Is jumping a good suicide method? I have been depressed for so many years now and suicide seems to be my only way out.
I live in a 5-storey-building. Do you think it's enough? I don't have access to much taller buildings unfortunately where I live. 
Plus, I am very afraid to end up permanently disabled. ",2.645988700564974,5.1083580338983055,3.645,86.44399717514126,78.83050847457628,5.967231638418079,26.78248587570621,7.1686216300943375,1.3464214689265528,240,10,47,3,6,77,48,59,0.243,0.71,0.047,-0.9211,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,10,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,8,8,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324346422558035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192856572771502,0.2558201288436421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076614475955917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372418577985471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251010995761731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200249507039898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882985482162264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253908873041463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416327316361861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586416277045241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042824683459334,0.0,0.19652040427283246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943577513433116
suicidewatch,kushmastaD,2019/02/03,"Gave up today. First off never posted before but thought i would try it in case i end up doing something stupid and lose the chance. I gave up officially. Im not gonna tell a sad tale of how life shit on me cause that would be a lie. I messed my own life up now im going to lose power and heat in north Minnesota weather and when i looked over the bills i didn't feel anything i just sat quietly and felt relief, as if reassuring myself i now have a reason to die. Dont expect anyone to actually read this mess wall of self pity. Love you reddit ",1.2210031347962378,3.088128310344832,3.2727272727272734,90.38136363636364,80.55172413793103,5.942319749216303,18.304075235109718,6.980632752743323,0.05052758620689657,428,9,95,5,11,145,88,116,0.229,0.63,0.14,-0.9236,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,4,5,11,2,0,5,0,7,4,1,3,1,18,17,9,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,1,1,1,4,8,0,1,6,4,12,3,15,7,1,20,0,4,1,1,7,11,1,1,7,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.16829518151411074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058739642787047,0.0,0.14191912580669686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674997221380465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716297799502276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898529402480925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212075369536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152747553549849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720049108607447,0.0,0.16558775899972433,0.0,0.0,0.14669360269350087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801246771197926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725707943134892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362589244256425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482218965092475,0.3858751874109421,0.0,0.0,0.15565105013624966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330110718548252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651681235591912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250574675561084,0.0,0.0,0.17731665405149485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799124291131021,0.0,0.177026764113953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276742297051927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073683463476845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691324317702164,0.0,0.0,0.16347103977181893,0.0,0.0,0.11708839269050465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450199602460385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scash92,2019/02/03,"When is an okay point to give up? I’ve had the worst six months of my life, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. I’m 27 this year, you’d think by now things would’ve improved, yea? They haven’t. My life is hell. The one person I thought would never hurt me, did, and continues to. I’m a drain on everyone, as I have agoraphobia and can no long drive, or go anywhere alone. It’s been this way for years. At this point, I’ve been battling mental and physical illnesses for the majority of my life and they have only gotten worse. At what point is it okay to give up? I’ve felt this way for nearly 20 years now, how long am I meant to keep going?

The only thing keeping me here is the fact my dog wouldn’t understand why I didn’t come home. She cries when I leave her with other people. I think after a while, she would be okay. But she would be confused and anxious for a long time before she forgot about me. And the thought of doing that to her is the only thing that makes me want to stay here. 

I’m still making future plans, I’m still making out like I’m making improvements and fighting this shit. I even said yes to being a god mother a few days ago, which is making me feel incredibly guilty because I don’t want to be on the earth. I love this unborn child like my own, but I’m not worthy of such a title, and I might not even be around to see him grow. I’ve reached out a lot in the past week to people, but honestly I don’t think many people care. I’ve made plans for my dog to be looked after if I were to ‘go to hospital for a while’(which I was planning on doing but also I know that she would be able to be looked after if I was gone).
But like. When is enough enough y’know? ",3.260805632502308,3.6667560997229964,4.298964681440444,91.0319742613112,72.49030470914127,7.235503231763619,21.96687442289935,6.996647511020387,0.34691957525392425,1316,25,307,11,24,429,178,361,0.084,0.8079999999999999,0.107,0.7916,0,1,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,1,2,4,16,17,4,1,18,5,41,6,1,7,2,57,84,24,0,9,10,1,2,3,0,6,4,1,1,2,18,14,0,3,11,0,0,7,10,7,0,2,17,6,37,10,44,51,7,51,1,1,3,1,19,15,2,7,29,201,55,0,0.08784627017895294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787041817299863,0.0,0.0,0.09098224285647827,0.0,0.07025063052412542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973847609864982,0.0,0.0,0.09924128085553116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820180495008508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355027094148857,0.0,0.07475070573876552,0.0,0.0,0.0776928872218587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956512709444465,0.0,0.0,0.0756717833188221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649500284851682,0.05665357692481516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153735976613888,0.0,0.11604326591058516,0.0,0.0,0.08394087572519399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441771368756571,0.0,0.08434619550657499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589605044741011,0.1685402939890463,0.14977517928236894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811697153655468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404124910634418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616360245471225,0.0,0.0,0.09655602542383004,0.0,0.0,0.09301651611942012,0.0,0.0,0.18614525565073814,0.12875175096880495,0.0,0.0,0.23322355424238925,0.14753748460364774,0.0,0.0,0.07468375749379626,0.07928468858388063,0.08312226487727864,0.29319033740959144,0.08906232994414863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852837867713217,0.09319101042890518,0.0,0.0,0.07011805475453614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775245911278295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059526906152600034,0.20043314092690265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385920489847115,0.182704628595428,0.07670397473166443,0.0,0.0,0.24912935922883156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356191953364014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000210383768457,0.07997194509574843,0.0,0.0,0.090172933953872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363243569259667,0.14030828968113004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750834754992459,0.16886502856124533,0.0,0.1394802519969793,0.05122386658233887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145106532140236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362801233985064,0.13945656072149576,0.07046497913222302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926759522324148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952285422917447,0.31201734951253257,0.0,0.0,0.1697103535264303
suicidewatch,lionel12_0,2019/02/03,"I want to commit suicide, should I? Hello, recent events have occurred leading me to thoughts on committing suicide. I’ll get straight to the point. December last year I lost the best sister anyone could have asked for in a car accident. Ever since then, I’ve been depressed. I couldn’t think of anything worse that could happen until it did. My dad passed away from cancer a few weeks later. I became deeply depressed with these their deaths that eventually my boss decided to fire me from my work in hospital (i’m 34 years old). At this point my life is falling apart. I looked up to my girlfriend who meant the world to me. She unfortunately didn’t feel the same way and left me. Now, I’m contemplating life and I want to end it… Should I though?  ",2.76604166666667,5.330740743055556,3.231777777777779,88.99100000000001,79.06944444444444,6.062222222222222,22.79444444444445,7.3011,0.8822727777777772,593,19,116,8,15,184,99,144,0.221,0.7020000000000001,0.077,-0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,1,4,3,4,0,0,6,0,11,3,0,2,3,21,24,5,3,7,0,2,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,6,3,19,1,19,13,3,30,0,3,1,0,8,12,0,0,13,70,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146248511117138,0.0,0.13490181517624525,0.0,0.15325400348810125,0.0,0.15401922155827408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203619766816258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617722346964247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823882533584524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451948221952267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828560128025758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288878940668015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564754338534789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496425442920982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362620919194798,0.0,0.0,0.17811226373606753,0.0,0.23157960512806205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376613345851535,0.0,0.17895080754645434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720187351709856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099368739446631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186276963800475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560599019424796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35862932916600554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504080938685216,0.16106205571478538,0.1301434526267026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338231931274089,0.13012134724372246,0.1314961156470331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934422467573998,0.0,0.16706039989996707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113327072668087
suicidewatch,unc1e_sam,2019/02/03,My ex has fucked 2 of my best friends in the past month I know other people have much better reasons to end it but life is just controlled torture for me now. The fact she knows my history with paranoia and depression and still thinks its ok to flaunt it is fucking intolerable. Emotional attachment is a bitch.,4.427627118644068,6.606422271186446,4.812000000000001,81.58003389830509,72.05084745762713,8.109830508474579,30.444067796610174,8.841846274778883,2.606434576271187,250,11,46,5,5,79,51,59,0.258,0.5579999999999999,0.185,-0.8716,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,3,9,4,0,3,1,5,3,0,2,1,11,10,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,4,6,10,2,6,0,1,0,2,3,1,3,0,5,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596904126602445,0.21885523465976345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775435948561395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313398877401907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783553444772293,0.21917307986973228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118433898786116,0.4575392393954442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27199132839023943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747858998122125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751748037589564,0.0,0.1819090581840425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362253048213725,0.17155523409538656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544265769073614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761914353360768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856018387742984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riskybiscutz,2019/02/03,"I don't want to be told, ""it gets better."" I want to see some f*cking results. It really gets my fucking goat when you hear all these god damn jokers say shit like ""it gets better"" or ""suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems."" 

Whoever says this shit doesn't actually care, but they're right. Of course my problems are temporary, but then again the universe is much older than 22 years. 

It doesn't matter what I try to do to fix my problems on my own. they don't go away, so why the fuck do I even keep trying? Am I naive? Am I holding onto the idea of hope? Or am I just a fucking retard? I guess it doesn't really matter. 

I tried to get busy living, but all it did was make me feel more dead inside in the end.

Tell me I'm wrong if you'd like, but I don't think theres anything that will change my mind about myself at this point.

Peace--",1.9938389513108632,3.5406134775280904,3.4896853932584304,91.17909737827715,77.14606741573033,6.544419475655433,21.979026217228466,7.3011,0.5898370037453184,661,18,147,8,15,218,114,178,0.241,0.688,0.07200000000000001,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,2,1,2,7,16,6,0,6,0,19,5,2,2,2,28,40,10,2,7,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,11,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,3,5,21,6,15,34,6,14,0,0,1,3,8,7,6,6,8,91,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.1248781869951554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053066580470797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202300315686976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263543735337201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047177778345684,0.0,0.1353730444473526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334155490156575,0.0,0.0,0.08452157493835316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470440290652743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35491271682896786,0.26743173328156805,0.0,0.07272709272289499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409710421964803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422909622026356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710097467790632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446015524619588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374372759975172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125037280219709,0.0,0.11299797863273338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541955064815314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921107481275326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940711127366244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097100531238347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673439235230533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639589958249404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928386655564977,0.0,0.20353038185909086,0.0,0.0,0.10197382879448126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627143707060435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399760858769687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184956368462724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199664756651495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227878907621825,0.0,0.26064536249615183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509575371214422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547110359694054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991278323217854,0.0,0.08240711629316612
suicidewatch,Din_Kinomoto,2019/02/03,Is anyone up? I don't even know how intense I feel anymore but I haven't eaten anything today and my depression is just really really bad the last 2 days I feel like I'm going to die and my brain keeps telling me to die and pizza made me feel sick so now I'm eating this marble brownie because at least chocolate can help with dopamine right? I don't know I hope so I need a boost of some soft I'm super depressed and paranoid and I'm having intrusive thoughts and I don't know what to do even getting motivated to type all this is incredibly draining can someone else help me since no one in my immediate life seems to care that I'm losing my grip again?,1.5121272158498442,3.707954065693432,3.299421272158497,88.83680656934307,81.33576642335767,5.958081334723673,23.65432742440041,7.1686216300943375,0.9469378519290929,525,19,109,7,14,175,88,137,0.248,0.5820000000000001,0.17,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,0,2,0,11,6,1,3,1,25,32,10,2,2,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,9,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,3,5,15,4,10,29,3,10,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,3,6,62,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122539293503868,0.11367246786347596,0.0,0.1337809567612972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573885365889427,0.09910093982873573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148147629199995,0.0,0.0,0.1657505763255228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484396473069817,0.0,0.280041974699075,0.0,0.3374432268340702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634932089915,0.13580606853413998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475141974725567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466002745135187,0.11613977884745245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493592383006113,0.0,0.09239206928954743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179339973889775,0.0,0.0,0.1614683279579705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449936011726974,0.0,0.0,0.2680320574685089,0.1325159494016351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148277400862244,0.07942331135009831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187383648555686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382731824143486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205433235272911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101613911769992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829254045148515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883357897325466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479972888947706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447928100187714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774472313398906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209302546068242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906213000820072,0.0,0.0,0.1540970040445813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGaurdianSeesYou,2019/02/03,"I havent cried in over a decade I've struggled with feeling suicidal for a while but tonight has just hit a real crux for me. Nothing I ever do seems to go right for myself and every time I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere and improving things for myself I find some way to fucking it up, again and again and again I always seem to be faced with my own destruction and failure and nobody seems to understand or want to have an extended conversation about it. I know I'm not the worst off person in the world, and I know that even my pass is nothing compared to some other people I know but it doesn't stop me from feeling like my life is already over and I have no prospects at success so what the fuck is the point. I'm just rambling because I'm honestly afraid of myself right now, I'm sorry for this post.",3.860668662674648,4.958811508982038,4.6758233532934135,86.32634980039921,71.63473053892216,7.482834331337327,28.28792415169661,7.793537801064563,1.6385133732534929,650,24,133,8,12,210,102,167,0.125,0.687,0.187,0.8597,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,3,2,8,0,10,4,1,0,1,33,31,13,1,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,11,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,0,3,17,4,23,29,4,25,0,0,0,2,2,11,2,6,12,93,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357974548806534,0.0,0.12334244244869755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036198238711757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282792961719714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790706345644136,0.13408600874607776,0.12489341643745183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485447363827696,0.2117965918142415,0.0,0.16238294296303826,0.13548305834115829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740796213938352,0.0774460713130399,0.0,0.08424471606706803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443963508116941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470195585587412,0.14483914832184286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446876426635964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276669094244796,0.1294320848777372,0.0,0.0,0.14012890675721007,0.0,0.14196705783864075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872257995155734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318180512923955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048396040106763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593566502145074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393014057634193,0.0,0.1549662106712467,0.0,0.16214377846527714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847998681852176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643635314134789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543166712057347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743216851411592,0.11766113468830845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NovaPrime11249-44396,2019/02/03,Anxiety and depression have ruined my life. I just can't keep talking myself out of the only relief I can see. I think I'm going to do it soon.,0.7534408602150542,2.579243483870968,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,81.90322580645163,6.713978494623658,20.010752688172047,7.793537801064563,0.9301526881720434,112,3,23,2,3,41,28,31,0.253,0.655,0.092,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,9,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351824764257205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773767434292141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490099440602958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389446603547612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094773107184401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33323175074251193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491477034628421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35216724442951863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807479284434803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,constantpain13,2019/02/03,I don’t understand the point. What’s the point in going through this bullshit known as life. I told one of my close friends that I was leaving the continent we live on forever and he wasn’t even fazed. If that’s a close friends reaction than who would even care if I was gone. Every waking moment is painful and I’ve tried anti depressants and so much more but at this point nothing works. It’s turned into physical pain but nobody understands. Please just tell me an easy way to go. I live in Canada so I can’t get guns easily but I honestly can’t go on in this living hell. ,2.2148228043143265,4.262854288135596,3.3936363636363645,89.83834360554701,78.15254237288136,7.3417565485362095,23.43913713405239,8.296473431620573,1.3551254237288144,458,15,97,9,11,148,82,118,0.14800000000000002,0.695,0.157,0.0258,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,5,0,8,4,1,0,0,17,18,11,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,5,0,10,4,12,12,2,18,1,1,0,0,7,12,1,2,1,59,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465920926262214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065134169501227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038111180323984,0.0,0.12780631324815378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343923702035361,0.0,0.07925235078368062,0.0,0.2586286822387084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061899645633124,0.0,0.0,0.10714392599318373,0.0,0.0,0.40183812132808494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151042897911714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555172335024388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278983052972718,0.0,0.3228200991163574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651130072095535,0.4301914255288842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258472728519166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494736830754493,0.0,0.10298831503757236,0.1649963822808889,0.0,0.3158316167835769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120405352548253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043294394858512,0.0,0.0,0.10775702132581608,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway38373828,2019/02/03,"i don’t wanna be alive s i don’t wanna go home. i dont wanna be yelled at, i don’t wanna feel like everything i do is wrong. i don’t want to have to put on this act of a bubbly little girl, why is it anytime i’m actually being myself everyone says “are you ok?” and “you don’t seem like yourself” BECAUSE YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW ME NO ONE KNOWS ME. i feel insane like i don’t even know myself anymore. i don’t feel at home anywhere why don’t i feel like i have a home. i just wanna slit open my wrists. i keep imagining how good it will feel to just let go of everything. to not have to care about hurting or messing up again. I keep reading about people’s near death experiences, i can’t help but think “that would be so nice”. just to be consumed by darkness and sleep forever. that’s all i want. but i’ll never go through with it because i’m a coward. only way i could see myself finally doing it is by taking pills, to just fall asleep and never wake up.",0.01340650063318094,2.074642611650489,2.509839594765726,93.02082946390884,86.47572815533981,5.136006753904601,19.15069649641199,6.498293943080001,0.04524888138455063,742,21,167,8,23,255,111,206,0.099,0.7879999999999999,0.113,-0.0562,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,0,10,12,1,0,3,1,29,6,4,1,3,39,52,8,1,9,8,0,5,4,0,2,1,2,3,1,7,5,0,2,11,1,0,6,15,4,0,1,0,8,26,8,26,43,1,19,0,1,1,1,6,8,1,2,8,111,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.1169819696906701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888507102239528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615095122977867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222187013929267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957114656079822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28098824541406753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917716100434508,0.0,0.0,0.11454693523121805,0.21547416511890072,0.11726201709720015,0.0,0.0,0.30306527832430585,0.1712792954688959,0.0,0.1313186195709355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082370129895833,0.0,0.0,0.20438537973642207,0.10054654714997023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803505523730448,0.0,0.3607370882481517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833005109111706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131031145590573,0.0,0.0,0.19764262693570575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258163154977407,0.0,0.23426200646928474,0.1201475383062978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491197473696036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123127861924524,0.09117132272603716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310712779424753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050878460771153,0.0,0.0,0.11990873331533425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953304397456313,0.0,0.0,0.09552588515511018,0.10913087498856984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996286631316774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901320536133898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681188821819405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141228710186066,0.0951522216710629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163394178944889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515667919080623,0.1310659079959174,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lizzers00,2019/02/03,"Please help I don't want to exist any more. I feel guilty for feeling that way. I hate to think of my fiance and what he'll  go through when I take my own life,  but at the same time,  I know I'd  be dead.  So I wouldn't fucking care.",0.7468867924528304,1.3807960943396225,2.268066037735849,102.40134433962268,78.62264150943396,5.300000000000002,18.910377358490567,3.1291,-0.9486566037735852,175,3,49,0,4,57,44,53,0.282,0.632,0.086,-0.9163,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,14,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,11,3,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149645219296574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320867753451102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32938121756142685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30111702229917914,0.0,0.0,0.1851105742013837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215747981157633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183189948276245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900370469707655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300611845265053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575357793343244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489613033731994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087041561177076,0.0,0.0,0.18992624948881665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211435058354767,0.2585363358100655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Destypeace14,2019/02/03,"I just want it to be over The fluctuating emotions, the wants to self harm...but I cant leave my girlfriend. Shes my everything. But I feel so worthless, pathetic and shes probably be fine without me. I've had a note written out for so long. I could do it at anytime. All I have to do is get a knife and it's over. Right?",-0.9888253968253942,1.0585935142857146,1.7719047619047643,96.21198412698416,92.42857142857142,5.396825396825397,22.063492063492063,6.937597516519254,0.5811587301587311,246,10,60,4,9,85,50,70,0.121,0.813,0.066,-0.7559,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,1,11,16,5,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,10,1,9,11,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470528469412833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480645243242884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780936724600788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645594672165974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166320657663144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276392655547321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738337849733297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336154047143964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642495724451365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228005837272063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650169590348343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982772691199514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustHereForTheLights,2019/02/03,"Why Am I Like This? Here I am, drunk and broke once again. 10k in debt and still gambling my life away. I'm a leech, I borrow money from those that I know can afford to give for my vices. I always pay them back. My life is fucked. I'll never be anyone important. I make ok money but it's always money I owe other people. Fuck me sideways, I make 2000 a month but that isn't shit for me. I know alot of people think they'd be so straight if they made that much, and I help out way more than I should, if I had a gun I probably would have been dead over 13 years ago. I honestly feel like my parents would thank me for that lol. ",-0.27313725490196106,1.6883083529411778,1.5680588235294124,99.96909803921572,86.79411764705881,4.509019607843138,14.21372549019608,5.6839178017228535,-1.1018474509803924,480,7,118,3,15,157,92,136,0.16399999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.19,0.7075,4,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,0,5,9,3,0,4,2,14,6,1,3,1,20,27,8,1,5,4,1,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,4,1,8,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,24,5,11,18,3,13,0,1,0,2,6,5,3,3,9,75,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680011735551255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29436918047444605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368386970892375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619165169791614,0.1360155874379011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943964707369266,0.12636848257965036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32705933145440835,0.0,0.16968663130782174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856397879289862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944255145028637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498817789520005,0.17283661870832298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737525228974115,0.2361475918169245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118993415222014,0.0,0.13003268317223685,0.0,0.13642656337618894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837944021027533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964126623151436,0.0,0.0,0.2452630740256476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071466876926269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815725015736556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412626052622189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285426662716004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334238305497485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404050832149567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961347742965265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513116439766878,0.0,0.0,0.11390976605207168
suicidewatch,BoBoTheAngstyZebra93,2019/02/03,"If My Relationships Fails I’m Probably Going To Kill Myself I’ve been in an on and again off again relationships for the past 6 years, it’s been toxic at times, amazing at others. The last time we broke up it had a feeling of finality and for 6 months it didn’t get better at all, yes I was being self destructive as fuck but the pain just would not subside. It doesn’t help that she always finds someone else (which she’s 100% entitled too) and I never seem to be able to, other than very rare drunk/drug fuelled hookups. When I met her I was a insecure narcissist which attracted her as my insecurities were masked by false confidence, now I’m just insecure and socially awkward, I see no traits that would attract other females, despite years of therapy. 

We got back together about 6 months ago after our beloved dog died and we got to talking and she ended up flying back to where I live to be together. I thought we’d worked on ourselves enough that it’d work out this time, I’ve stopped abusing substances and removed myself from an industry that was taxing on our relationship, yet for reasons I don’t fully understand, we’re on the verge of breaking up again, we’re having a week apart but I feel the writing is on the wall. 

The thought of starting the grieving process yet again is too overwhelming to overcome, I’ve done it more times than I can remember in the last 6 years, and yes I’m an idiot for putting myself in this position again but what’s done is done. I simply can’t go through it again, it’s a pain I can’t fathom enduring yet again and I feel suicide is the only option.",4.6739776312016055,5.7394178044164095,5.4030470318325206,81.98958345282479,69.69400630914825,8.665844565529106,30.812876398049895,8.97023862654752,2.486849842271293,1272,52,250,23,22,413,174,317,0.18,0.723,0.097,-0.9842,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,6,0,0,4,20,18,4,5,17,2,28,3,0,1,2,37,47,16,4,3,7,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,20,13,0,1,10,0,1,4,8,14,0,0,16,4,29,4,40,24,3,59,0,4,1,1,20,20,1,3,34,170,49,4,0.10733438434681383,0.12717369400256048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951454555372834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931080615480579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650670324131021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094928540518532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139614503814407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295210226672171,0.0,0.0,0.12447380943058665,0.0,0.08966410527438541,0.0,0.09506640599814943,0.11090511131975768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281446928944854,0.0,0.0,0.11757957158867607,0.09810168276666233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922890876540223,0.056077785757867565,0.0,0.12200120829230447,0.0,0.17169022468952042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194397531595056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874959336767688,0.0,0.0,0.17498369794419566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947782278353166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134656311173674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278289416316702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163263596834967,0.228422705163572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246281499777617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572462026002225,0.0,0.0,0.10790070222443036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035762362499374,0.0,0.3457108800494512,0.12158893387719405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553160769482274,0.09771319231178846,0.11197317163313968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941388790382656,0.09094407554381294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597182968771922,0.0,0.0,0.08973635142951866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740639539989145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627131238375164,0.0,0.0,0.1227462227849325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042302360858946,0.25035017069152504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173887945540524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856210805220882,0.0,0.0,0.08609716881275553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628142030165654,0.0,0.0,0.15249453413208758,0.0,0.0,0.20735947326997414
suicidewatch,Tess69696,2019/02/03,"What to write to family and friends? I don't want them to think they had any part in what I'm going to do. My family and I aren't close. They moved across the world ten years ago when I was 20 and haven't visited or anything. I have no close family or super close friends except people I've met online. Every day I just feel so much loneliness it's unbearable. I went from being engaged to absolutely nothing, no career nothing and its been nothing but crushing loneliness in my life for four years. I would have done it years ago if it wasn't for my two lovely dogs who I adore with all my heart. It hurts me so badly to think what will happen to them but I just can't do this anymore. 😔",2.8760795454545485,4.11099470138889,4.1835101010101035,88.38522727272729,74.20833333333333,7.4585858585858595,22.81313131313132,8.00094639256281,0.9701888888888879,543,14,118,8,11,179,87,144,0.126,0.735,0.139,0.4511,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,1,5,8,0,0,1,0,16,3,1,0,1,23,26,12,0,3,8,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,2,0,3,7,1,18,6,15,16,3,18,0,1,0,1,11,7,0,3,7,82,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691220810252476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322882156115283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054425028609067,0.0,0.0,0.12491800126237085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674618797179926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789807784040493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553435261498448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789757146063765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293089939431321,0.0,0.07675435564905092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23455973461755456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627111741126131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423573948303266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988306194754625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250443528816658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722043053287464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370049171800344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133877654827458,0.11159005135584736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369669572330541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438399589425445,0.0,0.10523861524092012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453389774547392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482859911581015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953524004280017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407195975174763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783396363718442,0.0,0.0,0.29326157855667145
suicidewatch,inneedhelprnbadly,2019/02/03,"Did i nearly just die by high blood pressure? (Kinda urgent) So yesterday i lifted a lot of Weights, chugged sparkling water. Woke up fine today, but later i started to get very tired and i drank a 300mg energy drink. I have been resisting sleep because i didn't feel like sleeping. 

My heart rate was 150 today, and i had extreme fatigue all day. But as i was lying in bed i stopped feeling my heart beat, just barely. So i got up fast and decided to post right now. I kinda wanted to die but it's very acary!",1.3601676963812892,3.645418485436899,2.9550220653133263,90.55421006178287,82.59223300970874,5.2988526037069725,22.955869373345102,6.574015621080383,0.6651631067961175,396,14,80,4,11,130,75,103,0.241,0.691,0.068,-0.967,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,7,11,5,0,1,17,15,9,2,1,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,3,13,2,10,6,2,16,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,3,10,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690105005595064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309610121871708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640029584499516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179121704142805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733991446928635,0.12528099464560788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162112347871977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025563834036325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41561741415838005,0.0,0.1852830518276677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085674620209649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490892941874042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795146759051402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497609952127132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509838634286303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412445132511735,0.0,0.0,0.14661323059996592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015565978351016,0.332451570516089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893894517312946,0.1034349886524879,0.0,0.0,0.21354767345051084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Movingabroad789,2019/02/03,"Weird nightmares I was severely depressed to the point of attempting and put on a high dosage of anti depressants 5 months ago, I have now pulled out of it and in my waking life in  doing way better and for the first time in 10 years im not really worried about things. But when I fall asleep I always have silly nightmares such as not writing a shopping list and forgetting what to buy in the shop or dreaming about not being able to fall asleep and being awake all night, then feeling like shit at work, fair enough about not being able to sleep as I do find it hard to most of the time but the shopping list one and others are just stupid and I instantly wake up think wtf. Any ideas why this is happening. The general feeling in these dreams seem to be anxious",5.923657100809418,6.1108773774834475,5.644724061810155,84.47575423105226,66.6158940397351,8.830316409124356,28.698307579102288,8.515128840125781,1.8595159676232529,608,18,122,8,9,188,102,151,0.147,0.763,0.09,-0.882,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,7,8,2,0,8,0,11,7,6,0,1,27,16,14,0,0,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,5,4,4,4,5,0,2,1,3,7,3,25,11,3,26,0,2,0,0,1,11,1,3,11,82,14,1,0.3376308694718028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964469715289952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046796522278568,0.0,0.0,0.11480028454833628,0.0,0.0,0.1907133898484871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930353338311494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908009731407044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443147129239764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071631227748454,0.12060178030624676,0.0,0.0,0.15429424899914834,0.14359432254695292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928293141542273,0.0,0.15122547079272694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178362775409005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057207753149347,0.182349638388818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923933401949482,0.08247469421498127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474686941300307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842184962846895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439370755483745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958515179611324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697061390455254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814749025807643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536832315192477,0.0,0.1907133898484871,0.17328661781341967,0.0,0.0,0.16893735122393275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215347360514816,0.10817011411027076,0.0,0.0,0.19687527514453698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399783438166654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523296722879768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289964706986012,0.17144026847051533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087116051384806
suicidewatch,landonlivach,2019/02/03,"I’m finally ready. This is my first time opening up, I’m new to the reddit, but I think this is the only place I can go. For years I’ve told people that I have always felt a close relationship with suicide; even when I’m not feeling suicidal. It’s comforting. In a world where everything’s wrong, it’s always there. And it’s the only constant in my life. I’ve battled depression for as long as I can remember and through out all of it I’ve always convinced my self not to take action. For my family, my friends and those around me that it would hurt. But Is a life of suffering really worth living because of the pain your absence would cause other people? I don’t think so. I’m laying here, hoping that tonight will be my last, wondering at what moment I’ll gain the courage to finally be at peace. This world isn’t cruel, but existence hurts. I finally feel like I’ve got no other options. I don’t know the point of posting this, but right now it feels right. Goodbye all. I hope you find an option, or a path worth living for. LL",2.248318782738835,4.162611601895737,3.7846545273135455,87.70818159141933,77.5308056872038,7.096133699176852,23.90147168870043,8.032893268588372,1.321752606635071,812,27,168,14,19,269,123,211,0.179,0.631,0.19,0.1923,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,2,0,2,8,15,2,0,11,0,14,3,0,1,2,34,32,12,2,4,7,0,4,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,17,8,0,0,10,0,2,2,6,8,0,1,3,4,17,7,22,24,2,33,0,4,0,0,6,16,0,6,15,102,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884634652481726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287216311117367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044379871355337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871110195677327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487841186170046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953094557498564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632574328895991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385713255976456,0.0,0.10893890292641542,0.0,0.1752905686924698,0.0825554956179563,0.11095492728713403,0.3797682735510724,0.10561898974276812,0.09829457273089984,0.0,0.0,0.08928072968580415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567494055060757,0.0,0.09242322643714304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22955266444379605,0.0,0.0,0.24741696750915795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350829883726405,0.0941961487158108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324572145017588,0.056456374355068326,0.0,0.2040817321632703,0.10226623084852733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111607768481789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757759153127642,0.12296310661189427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022835931584914,0.0,0.12073473929908962,0.0,0.10924076963325324,0.0,0.11067374333928233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403016469095318,0.0,0.0,0.12406730399231125,0.13090601504313412,0.19737380308957125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055341898992142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528059564680678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688611588163454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809130277758836,0.0,0.0,0.06738348253735069,0.0,0.0,0.1104217410941935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531899268769064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641798405704671,0.12634581387784094,0.0,0.07441631805800109
suicidewatch,daydreamingdisaster,2019/02/03,"Why don’t either of my parents love me? My dad left me about a year ago. Now it appears my mom is turning her back on me. I can’t handle this. I’m already a high school student and I’m about to start working full time. This is the time when I need he most support, not to be left alone. I don’t have a S/O or even any school friends or relatives to help. I can’t fend for myself. Besides the emotional logistics and the indisputable fact that a 16 year old can’t buy a house, I’m screwed. Everyone wants to tell me that I’m so young and I have so much else to live for, but it all ends in too much pain to make it worthwhile. Ever since elementary school I said that I was going to die by suicide, on my own terms. And all the signs in my life show that as a valid option right now. After all, why shouldn’t I? It’s not like I have parents who will come to my funeral. Right now the only thing that would stop me was waking up and finding out all the years of abuse were just a dream. There’s no god to grant me that wish so I may as well go see if he’s even up there via the shortest path of sticking a rifle up my throat.",1.3158097165991904,2.4900661174089085,2.8896578947368425,96.34185526315792,78.10931174089069,6.073603238866397,21.661740890688254,6.508806274219699,0.08643821862348222,869,23,216,7,20,286,142,247,0.14300000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.107,-0.9375,2,1,0,1,1,1,22.0,0,0,0,1,18,7,1,0,15,0,18,6,2,1,6,34,36,15,3,6,8,4,0,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,14,7,0,1,1,2,1,4,9,2,1,0,4,2,25,5,28,27,11,37,0,0,1,2,13,14,1,7,20,138,39,5,0.0,0.14079395582811674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533550329907546,0.0,0.0,0.12307190031103445,0.13113170813115732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080838133155173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137282931240752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023614046057686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332663643164415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099267102181645,0.13366760122038993,0.10524798757966228,0.0,0.0,0.1569720069051638,0.10748841374524153,0.0,0.11354702593525275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860834151625164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180765697675976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350674985578208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964915198994789,0.12555027391535914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137113706891613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258217986537752,0.0,0.08393304608152427,0.0580542684763225,0.0,0.10492894562804853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724859030986154,0.0,0.0793198559300245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917209874642467,0.0,0.0,0.17470724331438447,0.08811083733633447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469195133144563,0.0,0.0,0.09037546508973114,0.12644335179998534,0.0,0.2638929994212742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296010655395744,0.11303441097693905,0.0,0.0,0.3607864945401033,0.09469201543717227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829729019194472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410838827264536,0.0,0.0,0.09934708587681376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998058267881965,0.13484671973727802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038625374399877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894528047904806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858129682540474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925276751710274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008893166240864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068423172563986,0.0,0.21445093615903466,0.0,0.13664847741191688,0.0,0.0,0.08650955513749473,0.0,0.0,0.08441332490581778,0.0,0.0,0.22956760632844786
suicidewatch,airbear13,2019/02/03,"lonely can someone just pretend to care about me please because im really not having the best time rn to put it mildly and i need a boost so that i can stop thinking about dying and do my hw, thnx",6.4521428571428565,4.489728023809526,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714288,66.3809523809524,9.352380952380953,30.523809523809533,7.1686216300943375,1.762866666666666,155,4,33,1,2,52,36,42,0.199,0.634,0.168,-0.136,0,2,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,7,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181734556957603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302223343149357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32082274529721583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32657341173355353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33989305119774604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333206969086176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454085461512688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632603122677616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015829631908402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666153035827876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26307469107503056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162513322320286,0.0,0.0,0.18348415320569103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacesloth15,2019/02/03,Why does it cost money to exist I’ve been trying to heal from past trauma and a major suicide attempt for years now and I am just tired. I still think about death every day and I feel overwhelmed by deep sadness. I can barely make enough money for rent not to mention food and paying off school debt for a degree I never finished. I just want it all to stop. I don’t get why it costs money to exist and no one will pay a living wage. I’m tired and I would rather die than continue this depression but I very much want to live if I could just heal faster. I always wonder whether I would be able to heal better if I had enough money to just stop working and heal but it’s just not an option. When does this end?,1.9395611770779555,3.6376001476510074,3.0558389261744985,93.5679814145586,77.72483221476509,5.121528136293239,18.172947857511613,5.369823440869387,-0.4839327826535884,558,10,121,2,13,179,93,149,0.201,0.765,0.034,-0.948,5,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,4,0,10,7,0,1,2,34,18,13,3,8,13,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,6,7,1,2,3,0,11,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,13,1,16,11,5,15,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,4,13,79,19,5,0.1515943543408359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613864678210393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407288722993374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103575659627708,0.0,0.0,0.0977658174618086,0.0,0.13056799526037854,0.0,0.15733100614385592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26532248211998394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426760235776233,0.3132749835186671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772478174304472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766506604554271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183308495005882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920179331684969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677211844405565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119040867196122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143929311048152,0.0,0.11691891156315724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027242577940774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447139644770644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534215798292448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106344719900206,0.2534793363495738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581961888953398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713554114986224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484708197687813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292261568266367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250812185763142,0.17882855572902456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735806515982748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439761070042627,0.11036249544017482,0.0,0.0,0.2153765597384414,0.0,0.0,0.09762179397935764
suicidewatch,carlaolio,2019/02/03,I cant live like this anymore I can't fucking do it. Im never good enough and I am now the bad guy. I'm always the onenin the fucking wrong I cant ducking do anything rocking right fuck,-2.3200000000000003,-0.856997880952381,0.5051190476190471,100.79196428571431,111.14285714285714,2.1,19.535714285714285,3.1291,-0.7914857142857143,147,6,34,0,8,50,30,42,0.34700000000000003,0.653,0.0,-0.9314,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,10,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950503681904249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324746760690858,0.0,0.0,0.19290189976355712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572503722819296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422112589558658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6501330361841435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966144762966172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321056931301888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25320623140457016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452233573335295,0.0,0.20699094579519398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079373237776836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018739425447485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562937822471564,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Angrama,2019/02/03,"I’m just writing this so you can know how pathetic I am I’m an ugly piece of shit and I want to die. Every day my emotions swing from depression to apathy, and when there’s a glimmer of happiness in my life, it gets crushed and pushes me deeper into the ever growing spiral downward that is depression. I don’t even want to be happy anymore. I just want to die",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,75.0,7.666666666666668,27.166666666666664,8.344100000000001,1.9656666666666665,285,11,56,5,6,99,57,75,0.325,0.539,0.136,-0.9678,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,0,9,5,1,0,3,0,5,2,1,1,1,13,12,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,9,11,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291227742936766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845565452913186,0.0,0.36981999872080573,0.0,0.44562338860172535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149450242693274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179904612792973,0.1941971035394605,0.18088344899005174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216533977071484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570775980211267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179866164190259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164010587138887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203735980865653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798846883518411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perpetual_fatigue,2019/02/03,"Anyone else hate sleeping? Oftentimes when I see people who are depressed, considering suicide etc. they say they really enjoy sleeping and they want to sleep as much as possible. I don't really understand this. Why you would you want to go to a place where all of your darkest fears, insecurities, everything that instills anger, fear, self-hatred, loneliness etc. all come at the same time. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and stare at the ceiling while feeling nothing but this overwhelming dread. Nearly every night I get terrible nightmares, representing things I am insecure about, am running from etc., or just anything generally terrifying. Sleep is like descending into hell, where riptides of wind and water pull me from one torturous pain to another ad infinitum. 

Anyone else really fucking hate sleeping? Am I alone in this? ",6.880662100456622,9.515428732876714,6.7741780821917805,68.16528538812787,66.46575342465754,10.346118721461188,34.769406392694066,10.504223727775694,4.5018009132420085,689,33,100,20,12,218,106,146,0.329,0.621,0.049,-0.9949,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,3,3,0,5,17,6,6,5,0,7,9,6,0,2,17,18,9,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,15,0,1,0,4,12,2,19,17,7,20,1,2,2,1,8,11,2,1,6,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129001921459362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430518151851199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244290848749426,0.2233846977431038,0.08970491506098736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390138788068296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388907869269787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821256498315916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36472072219771695,0.0,0.0,0.09184457538898434,0.0,0.09797003771410312,0.0,0.0,0.2453303053290073,0.05511810054979623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077683503156147,0.056952573948150675,0.0,0.061952186085168115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152471496468322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325617016804058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013397570701347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459465930622225,0.0,0.10459683789080096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386715178128986,0.0,0.11599299822068836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557294341825509,0.0,0.11389094490672155,0.0,0.0,0.12289098944229382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095013943095443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668813518342576,0.0,0.0,0.08686586223601353,0.0,0.11371990265772318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454373859858174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078124434502786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923788226713325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724205713292316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356388013787104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348195562758348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285923729460746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836344379603336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743669007676562,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goobeeritto,2019/02/03,"Can't see the reason to keep going. Life wasn't so bad a few months ago. It seemed like I lost my grandfather, job, and GF of 5 years all at once. Pretty much over the course of 2 months my life turned into something not worth living. I know that I cause my GF to break up with me, I am a shitty human. Found out she could have been cheating on me through a fucking game of all things. I do not trust anybody at all anymore. 7 days from being homeless because I can't support my apartment. 

​

Figured I could talk to all of you guys...",2.4967757936507944,3.923586633928576,3.2758333333333347,93.74138888888893,75.51785714285714,5.334920634920637,24.051587301587304,5.033348758259628,0.19785396825396884,421,13,92,1,9,133,82,112,0.14300000000000002,0.774,0.083,-0.7043,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,1,7,2,0,5,0,10,3,0,2,4,19,20,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,1,1,1,5,4,0,0,4,1,15,3,17,13,6,15,0,1,1,1,8,8,1,1,6,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437162947755442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886892057510979,0.21160879230232127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270794827839026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540624457670928,0.10615895969425472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889789190861716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780858977450315,0.0,0.0,0.11231100578124603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094421285929095,0.0,0.16099695199201833,0.0,0.0,0.09897227994737763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724338268669566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281494571962022,0.15479067880733474,0.0,0.0,0.09570714611701717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601166149710305,0.08507988040245101,0.0,0.1537758097568774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901030337555269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27800642714430435,0.0,0.1280187637941909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854618582931014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717104869783767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790530728772982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387733505202545,0.1585377318700587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406758202175229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762100339942476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997350682322576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569614427636367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942293634319016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160879230232127,0.11214555508907026
suicidewatch,DirtiestSpider1,2019/02/03,"Getting kicked off campus Got caught drinking at CU for the 3rd time. 3 strikes you're off student housing (im a freshman). My parents will kill me. Looks like i'm out cause no way I can pay for off campus housing myself. The entire year has been an epic failure. cya guys, maybe in another life ya know? ",0.3356102003643002,2.7749176065573806,1.561530054644809,95.93916211293262,94.24590163934424,3.3668488160291434,23.171220400728608,5.033348758259628,0.12857231329690366,238,10,48,1,9,75,53,61,0.215,0.747,0.038,-0.8909999999999999,1,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,10,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,1,8,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,3,22,5,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464998540983963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414899339758456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028701425579526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281858951839073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801340803211064,0.0,0.0,0.2327642490419865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424970631005628,0.0,0.0,0.25392465609440296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600790556580478,0.0,0.12919275990474546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604259351074516,0.11484727115485413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974063735710163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361675187876239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610263780411232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707591354794016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18659403064023816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513825702763334
suicidewatch,poisoneddragon,2019/02/03,"Too weak Ive battled depression since i was 13. I am now 26 and have badly lost my battle with depression. I have no career, no degree, no friends, no passions. Everyone i knew growing up have careers and families. I am a disgrace to parents, i feel me being alive and a failure at 30 would be more sad than me being dead at 26. Life is too hard, just getting out of bed to shower and brush my teeth is a difficult task. The past 8 years are a blur, probably because i spent most of my time doing nothing",2.8872087378640785,4.221754262135921,4.668143203883496,84.52609830097089,74.33980582524272,7.480097087378643,29.379854368932037,8.07648339933343,2.037505825242719,391,17,79,6,8,133,73,103,0.373,0.5429999999999999,0.083,-0.987,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,2,0,5,0,15,4,1,0,0,12,20,4,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,9,0,0,4,3,13,2,10,12,2,9,0,4,0,1,2,4,0,2,4,56,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121350966328328,0.15420387566228425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357532624952465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171695372847454,0.0,0.0,0.2384709704534791,0.0,0.12790567588657525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543855940379465,0.0,0.13216270865025845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266051298199269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867522331713426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613895863984045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427247875484145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808854366945446,0.0,0.2414817736297041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727368612078507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925357885207252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750473927639196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969763260872346,0.0,0.0,0.16289985586556896
suicidewatch,mielgotada,2019/02/03,"Does anyone really care? When I turned 18 I was ready to disappear but I didn't do it because I promised I'd at least meake it til 21 so I could maybe see if life got better but nope. I'm 22, will be 23 in June and I stilll feel like the most useless human ever. I'm so tired of it I'm so tired of even breathing I fucking hate this feeling I have inside of me I feel literally empty and the only thing I have to take care of is my cat, he's literally the only reason I haven't done anything. How pathetic is that? a fucking cat is keeping me alive when I wanna die the most. When I don't feel empty I just drown in my own fucking tears cause all I can do right is cry. I cried for 4 hours straight last night and apparently tonight too. I wish I was normal. ",-0.5396385542168645,1.5327290722891609,2.077120481927711,94.95387349397592,89.6024096385542,4.765783132530121,18.540963855421687,6.2581,-0.17802313253012025,590,17,138,6,20,203,103,166,0.262,0.5820000000000001,0.156,-0.9777,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,4,0,5,0,18,7,1,3,2,23,37,14,2,5,4,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,5,22,5,12,29,5,16,0,1,1,3,2,5,3,3,11,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790816090881226,0.0,0.11522796757479857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535743918764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384000640442246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855279629733802,0.1438434021336252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179791217847768,0.0,0.3076199687786349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532298968884505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225361016826083,0.1432933493432479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248464890048376,0.12665988544192552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832017263989816,0.10003330066667676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883502884344556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199012651509237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824488637668636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789560950432525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445992303583862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413839376287625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989032178544764,0.06840874042530297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406731072246951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140320545695,0.13719396438957465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129893940412315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970307388382974,0.1439681758704386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957988284362082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158114079126262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528075555344148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302584188614066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218743882043089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230609659539066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102089417589116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bugstalks,2019/02/03,"I want to kill myself but I don't want to leave my boyfriend alone. Here is the thing, I want to end my life since 2011, I met my boyfriend three months after my three failed suicide attempts in 2015, He actually cares about my and tries to help me but now that I need him the most he is so distant, I understand that he has problems too, that his life is way worse than mine thanks to his abusive parents, but my ocd and paranoia are so fucking hard to ignore right now, The voices in my head said I should escape of everything and kill myself, but I really don't want to leave my bf alone in this world, it sound stupid but I love him so much that I don't want to hurt him more, I feel so stupid writting this, I'm really wanting to fucking end it all but I am a big coward. ",7.694758983347943,4.752563453987733,7.390815074496057,83.54846625766874,64.76687116564418,10.541279579316393,33.101665205959684,7.957251820313856,2.0764695880806303,605,16,140,5,7,192,90,163,0.287,0.56,0.153,-0.9892,1,2,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,6,0,4,0,10,6,1,0,1,23,27,13,3,9,6,1,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,10,0,2,2,5,29,3,16,24,4,13,0,2,0,3,14,6,2,1,6,91,38,1,0.0,0.15692568176522473,0.12924722638310668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743461784116445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350365168293085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346139379096573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903303676829186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696817764313097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448865589846988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186447159865124,0.0,0.13592679279751002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877509978697899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178512474176685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930615650464743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28048028851940976,0.0,0.0,0.18709965781563614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195367944152423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571634505598314,0.0,0.09736232320903992,0.09820629826460107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706451212227234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267319894863747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696953323942397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131073166628152,0.12598553610597862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955988265488167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487334653780334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193757258952027,0.0,0.0,0.0879905809056577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992146929432371,0.0,0.0,0.1378799285162597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687169979972928,0.10512868579401477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497278241986072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Catheg8,2019/02/03,"I Want to Die Every Day I damaged my brain w/ CBD oil and since then I’ve wanted to die every day. 
Why?
Because I can’t sleep. 
I literally haven’t slept for 2 1/2 months. 
Will I still go to heaven if I want to die?
I love Jesus - but this is torture!",-0.7829761904761909,0.9786247500000016,2.1678571428571445,96.14380952380957,87.21428571428572,4.447619047619049,16.476190476190478,5.46131890053228,-0.7869666666666664,190,4,47,1,6,67,40,56,0.262,0.617,0.121,-0.8821,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,6,10,4,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,8,2,5,8,0,6,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480071113655025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854492942745205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406614063154343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6374281830709675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449855077524157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635203430603075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847756387324299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341248966675032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935369060243502,0.0,0.2048765457889373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349659882851916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622628627167427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847358020793939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,liberbermudez,2019/02/03,"Im here debating if i kill myself or not, with the belt on my neck Cant stop crying and i guess no one is going to understand me never
Some part of me wants to live but in the other part i just wanna stop feeling, and suffering",7.837600000000003,3.94797436,9.028000000000002,74.86400000000002,65.4,12.4,33.0,10.125756701596842,2.8875999999999995,178,4,40,3,2,63,41,50,0.16,0.705,0.135,-0.5101,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,17,7,5,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,1,7,0,7,7,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734063190767839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585194302950875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414563077459484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274192771656535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688560453983957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753723386718933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197843505314502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919679766578816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866191840795094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390715643771421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161851549338552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591149635430003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468083971745154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peachykun,2019/02/03,"Struggling to deal with my severe anxiety and depression, I don't know what to do. Hello, i'm 19 years old and I suffer with severe anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with this when i was 12 years old, I thought it would get better in time but recently it has gotten so much worse.. I take medication that doesn't seem to help me anymore. Most of my days I think it'd be so much better if i were dead, i've tried to kill myself a few times in the past but it never went through. It's gotten so bad recently and the only thing i can think about is suicide and how much better i'd feel and how much better the people around me would feel too. I don't know what to do, I feel like i should talk to someone about this.. ",2.92468301435407,3.836669901315791,4.316196172248805,88.7292822966507,73.67105263157895,7.632535885167465,23.02870813397129,8.00094639256281,0.9377684210526324,563,14,126,8,11,187,85,152,0.249,0.654,0.097,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,4,10,11,1,1,4,0,16,2,0,2,1,29,31,15,3,4,3,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,10,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,7,3,17,5,16,19,6,16,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,3,13,86,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312744213734655,0.0,0.11870187228187222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655087062725607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999374588418456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42342985716598897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719115881456025,0.12339674983537112,0.2061803423712953,0.12148442091633865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155895766228733,0.08550767930923807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253390361827822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022673430347152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324209849944406,0.0,0.13155870992726199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058475253733023126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057666146079014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35194829424032004,0.0,0.09231351514472608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511923303467637,0.0,0.0,0.091030830136416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142591439896406,0.08297906191507982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23636196523208536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896270720536416,0.0,0.27043480349514315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141427622099593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512761354976426,0.0,0.13092314746175993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999316250990029,0.09620354763866563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951775861097612,0.15338704627241115,0.0,0.09502173444125248,0.13958623038755522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126271716465705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095528165527856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197593220826415,0.1700509100146187,0.0,0.0,0.15415488968353533
suicidewatch,knotmysecondaccount,2019/02/03,"I think about dying every day I've had daily suicidal thoughts for the past 5 years. That's not an exaggeration. Most of the time it's only the thought without any emotion or intent. It usually comes in the form of ""kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself"" over and over for a short time before I can stop it. 

Does anyone else deal with something like this? It's exhausting and it's getting harder to not latch onto those thoughts. ",5.234618473895583,6.713225734939762,5.301385542168674,81.69296184738957,68.75903614457832,7.461044176706826,30.700803212851405,7.793537801064563,2.0761261044176704,348,14,63,4,6,109,60,83,0.251,0.722,0.027000000000000003,-0.9712,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,15,8,3,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,2,1,12,4,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,8,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500009618921712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824512697461988,0.17327242185875308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389952525695893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567265402123006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906148300566053,0.17434422208188918,0.0,0.0,0.17550871355956835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798865352939988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412690875773889,0.19022515665370496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248184565031996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835260891893784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612830235879244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261824267435207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286152130163543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614339243229108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018857071545245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413829140454657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849780835166707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083583858386874,0.0,0.4027615896075242,0.19721793955456235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624995893820206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630152925085755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890081934026563
suicidewatch,ThatDamnDuck,2019/02/03,"Advice Coping With a loss/inching towards suicidal thoughts myself I won't go into much detail, but I'm coping with a sudden loss. This person was a huge part of my life and everything I see and do reminds me of them in some way. Everything I would normally use as a distraction is something I would spend time playing with them or something I've been wanting to do with them. I can't escape and it feels like I'm drowning, grasping for air where there's just more water. I'm slowly losing grasp on myself and inching closer to losing it all. I need some advice, something to keep my mind from fading. Suggestions from people who have been through similiar situations. If I don't end up committing suicide, the amount of stress my body is enduring might take me instead.",6.491478978978979,6.992049033783786,6.849009009009013,75.24794294294297,65.41891891891892,9.280480480480481,33.33633633633632,9.150863307647796,3.008700300300301,619,25,107,10,9,201,99,148,0.189,0.7559999999999999,0.055,-0.9664,0,0,3,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,3,4,7,0,2,5,0,14,3,1,1,2,30,26,8,3,6,4,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,4,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,4,2,17,2,20,18,7,16,0,3,1,0,6,10,0,5,5,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30188641959675216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157783886863884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681177339648432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776496741520929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810307628028104,0.11035114244368303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778706572387389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372972260629689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910449829067427,0.07546469634366743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456177691393468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386490865698902,0.15596747638543626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355090169757673,0.11453520574261758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134470827084112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727253667909744,0.0,0.10708785871873013,0.1348744879488249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309007379966455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362720177207108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567483635006308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694124506874953,0.0,0.0,0.33792330727345826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613984118517195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226294180508723,0.09007085747800024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340975594160115,0.0,0.0,0.09110854522459358,0.1226085889565465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945762468697647,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Carpets_for_Coasters,2019/02/04,"One week left hooray I’ve never had a single person who really cared about me and I’m done. 20 years is plenty enough for me to see that things aren’t going to change. This last year was the year I tried the hardest and I’ve never been more miserable. So I’m renting a hotel room the day after my birthday, getting wasted alone, and hanging myself.

Hope you all get the help you need. I couldn’t.",1.1039701897018972,3.395633109756101,2.4974796747967503,93.384783197832,83.75609756097559,4.620054200542006,16.428184281842814,5.82211442006289,-0.5227197831978319,313,6,65,2,9,101,63,82,0.061,0.764,0.174,0.8637,2,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,0,7,0,0,0,3,9,16,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,4,1,8,2,5,11,4,13,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,9,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22637591633202306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228499439102949,0.0,0.2312214631744177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409616314919038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367626996195952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258445432609472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283909508021857,0.0,0.12422018623027425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650500822060053,0.0,0.0,0.21709250505442745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781663300728237,0.0,0.0,0.23748042066533634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206925781096596,0.3371542519477926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481108566202561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084968693924095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140023588410892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741745411401113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452103214736074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839685485890772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532623641227435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42226192259495066
suicidewatch,AntsAndWorms,2019/02/04,"I lost my best friend and I don't have any desire to live the rest of my life without him. I'm 19. He passed away last month of cancer. He was so much smarter, happier, and more optimistic than me. He was so close with his family, who are so nice and I always enjoyed talking with. I know he would've accomplished so much more in the world, but he did do much more than the average person my age.  Everyone in his life was grateful to have known him, and he never took them for granted either. He is genuinely the last person on this planet I would've wished this upon.

Meanwhile,  I've been depressed since middle school. I've never known what I wanted to do in life. Motivation has always been a problem for me but now more so than ever. I'm not nearly as close with my family. I've been getting high on the days I don't have to go to class, though now I'm just skipping entirely. 

I miss him so much, to a point it's selfish. It's so incredibly unfair that he had to be the one to go. The only things keeping me here are:

1) My family, his family, and the group of friends we shared. I care about these people even if I don't care about myself, and wouldn't want to hurt them by ending my own life. 

2) Suicide statistics. A lot of people that attempt suicide fail, and just go through more pain as a result. Also, a lot of people that fail suicide attempts are grateful that they failed later on.

I've been on anti-depressants and in therapy for many years but this isn't something I'll ever be able to get over. There's no way I can live the rest of my life in this much pain, so while I feel guilty and ashamed, it's the only real solution I can come up with. But his parents lost a son, and they must be going through so much more, so it would be hypocritical for me to make my parents feel that same grief. To wrap things up, I don't know what to do but I want to feel better one way or another.",3.232564935064936,4.067518699494952,4.5267243867243865,87.79818181818182,72.86363636363636,7.576334776334775,24.496392496392488,7.83500028581142,1.0772362193362186,1479,41,325,19,28,490,179,396,0.199,0.677,0.125,-0.9912,2,0,1,0,0,3,46.0,1,0,4,11,23,23,0,1,16,0,34,8,0,3,5,58,61,32,4,10,12,3,3,0,2,3,8,0,0,2,19,18,0,1,8,0,0,7,11,14,0,2,12,3,40,9,54,42,20,45,0,9,0,0,31,21,0,4,15,228,59,7,0.07964520905964476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369224490997644,0.13254238836459242,0.0,0.0,0.05416147331115143,0.0835149460927429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482929567149596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358273318918284,0.0704397151139934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624071974224762,0.0,0.0,0.06860729533611669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051364570959720066,0.0,0.13719660371560793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054201527636036,0.0,0.0,0.052604909432039035,0.14408730273744014,0.0,0.07610441037694175,0.0,0.0,0.30032965943739154,0.0,0.1208130323139844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306738190199648,0.0,0.08322266899777328,0.0,0.1810568309326366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414953619692679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526184355974425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079232128851813,0.0,0.0,0.08754184799404059,0.12984295097611834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28127883273743737,0.0,0.0,0.14065635753507744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388430811514172,0.13542301720576275,0.0,0.0,0.05316379550249682,0.0807477411766115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357204601179134,0.0,0.35129035652427804,0.0,0.12285459039638305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793930978605364,0.1211475408808656,0.16949623568845051,0.0,0.1768731585714165,0.0,0.0,0.16564787908472878,0.13908624898391644,0.0,0.0,0.07529046616798214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762097087496471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906536844651703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060520362313779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588333996501905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131477304697314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261356795312198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401580213524358,0.0,0.0,0.09108123770850024,0.0,0.10582547580464496,0.0,0.0782510135202873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848875779255708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093042351877166,0.12643731954442966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158805980766817,0.07677513938758437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973301414986566,0.0,0.0,0.05128890336365965
suicidewatch,yaboiSkulltrooper,2019/02/04,i’m out this bitch no one talks to me no one cares about me. hell my old buddys went ghost on me,-2.4427536231884046,-0.7422329565217378,-0.28695652173912833,110.77507246376813,95.95652173913044,3.066666666666667,7.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.720959420289855,74,0,22,0,3,24,19,23,0.454,0.46,0.086,-0.9153,0,2,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,4,1,4,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354299597641029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481418621674792,0.0,0.5787921971813037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432655521479768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959014709539224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForEmma_AnHourAgo,2019/02/04,What are some reasons not to Hi. I just really need something right now. Anything that comes to mind would be appreciated. Anything at all,2.6073999999999984,5.571769640000007,3.3675,82.05125000000002,92.6,5.7,26.25,7.1686216300943375,1.8268000000000004,111,5,19,2,4,35,23,25,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.5106,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5707863142717856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987440936596457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350176876387507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571534881043661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222173869758504,0.35657603881703925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961718497076493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669894828549244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24636221375536466,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,livetodieforever,2019/02/04,"I hope the antidepressants make me suicidal Next week I’m visiting a psychiatrist and I’ll most likely be prescribed some sort of anti depressant. I talked to my counselor today and she told me to be careful because one of the side effects of anti depressants can be severe suicidal thoughts. I really hope that happens. I’ve lived on the edge of suicide for so long I just want it to be over. I’m not strong enough right now to do it but maybe the pills will help. I think maybe if my parents had something else to place the blame on, like the side effects of a pill, then maybe it would be easier for them too. I don’t know, I wish I didn’t have to die by my own hand, but it seems that’s the way it will have to be.",2.5610000000000004,3.9796523666666666,3.8383333333333347,89.80750000000002,75.33333333333334,7.4,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.1855999999999995,565,18,126,9,12,185,93,150,0.16699999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.15,-0.2164,1,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,4,8,0,0,9,0,16,3,1,3,0,22,30,7,4,6,5,1,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,1,15,6,18,17,4,15,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,7,8,81,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602490664911086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388034947076173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24309138513674505,0.0,0.14645936828622486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788691800725565,0.0,0.0,0.14581377603366094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479117309380584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458917248138037,0.0,0.0,0.28032625852746434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755537859528208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378873491303526,0.0,0.12461076971106315,0.12488598177213799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419810941251727,0.0,0.425319375752645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008178668208375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562596892335082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669608410920666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474394462987786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040452279772164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051495870348047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846954815460254,0.0,0.1594244393396891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086403941910277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630842430986152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134262043683944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042343492001492,0.0,0.11203281931612452,0.0,0.0,0.13376442656095727,0.13484536812511042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323571413400542,0.11201379009623412,0.113197247097113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228002528972402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024697501174767,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway18277374,2019/02/04,"I’m so sad. I wish I could build the courage to kill myself, but I’m not sure if I ever will. I’m tired of never being enough.  I will forever have a perpetual dissatisfaction with myself.",1.1980769230769222,3.3271184871794905,4.2483974358974415,81.96951923076925,82.07692307692308,6.976923076923077,20.006410256410245,8.07648339933343,0.9746871794871792,147,4,31,3,4,53,29,39,0.358,0.5489999999999999,0.094,-0.9109,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,3,9,9,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845353933473197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682292868159789,0.0,0.0,0.32236040569353924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942746872089132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27485735973320385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358779856383483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095991323609529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098121563158712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cajero-del-oxxo,2019/02/04,I’m about to have a mental breakdown. I need some love and good memes please ❤️,-0.4450000000000003,1.491198944444449,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,87.33333333333334,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.5563111111111108,63,1,16,0,2,20,17,18,0.0,0.539,0.461,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050281155958639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358301925394745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866430204016266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580593748613398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300719985211034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Micah420,2019/02/04,Life is shit I'd say my life is shit. My best friend is suicidal too and don't want to lose her and I get stressed out about that. I have tried drugs before to make me happy and have Vaped before. Each time I have gotten in trouble for drugs I feel like more and more of a disappointment the last time I got in trouble for vaping I was very close to commiting suicide. I feel like there is no point in life as I'm 13 and just have the rest of my life to suffer. Decided to go on Reddit about this because I don't want to wait to let this out until my next therapy session.,1.875121951219512,3.2097687479674804,3.4053739837398385,92.55537804878051,76.96747967479675,6.871219512195122,21.243089430894308,7.554174236665415,0.49391772357723707,448,11,105,6,10,148,73,123,0.245,0.63,0.126,-0.9465,0,0,2,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,13,2,1,3,0,12,8,2,1,1,18,23,7,2,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,3,3,14,5,21,19,5,14,0,3,0,0,3,8,2,0,7,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959342603607921,0.0,0.250126533741293,0.0,0.15423918101387382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34088422624056186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862801162320471,0.20999519689718715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355103781496205,0.0,0.07678736874368268,0.0,0.08352818894067776,0.0,0.11754779913961125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645557770105686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198026772685923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028993307569907,0.4152457345443733,0.14360724698035998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442528340525206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981056728467382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563075390399493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893706746365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687889309607005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017315112179305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835716774028067,0.0,0.0,0.3215293918830684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680765269794641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714023709400562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978507444739494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126818410922625,0.1733770622557793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrAnonymous2018_,2019/02/04,"Considering the ol exit bag I'm missing helium but you can buy a tank for $50 off amazon, and I can just use a hose and fill a garbage bag up. Grab a rubber band and put it around the garbage bag to keep it tight and voila. 

In theory it will work. But I'm not quite sure how to carry it out..

So it sounds simple enough to fill a garbage bag up with helium...but what exactly do I do with the bag to get it to fill up with helium without losing it...do I just put it on my head and lose some helium in the process? 

ugh. I just don't want to waste money on a failed attempt when I need money if Iive through it",2.3631111111111136,2.56663968148148,4.332592592592594,90.7166666666667,74.4074074074074,8.074074074074074,22.40740740740741,8.167268648758528,0.763074074074074,467,10,117,7,9,161,76,135,0.13,0.812,0.058,-0.8617,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,6,7,6,0,0,10,0,6,1,1,2,2,27,14,11,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,2,0,1,3,5,3,5,0,0,0,3,7,1,22,13,2,17,0,4,0,0,2,11,0,2,1,71,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897042567949006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255155856872265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264316923534392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409133349700593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864975240298705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252332040847212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405844972178874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719617190543821,0.0,0.2496773435027985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212418507228014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027419879014276,0.0,0.0,0.13845709740843054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262832116867236,0.0,0.17089519869021325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CoastTrek,2019/02/04,"Four months ill be twenty one and can legally buy a pistol in CA then my time is up. Im done. no point anymore. I have fantastic things going for me. Ive gotten past the many hard times in my life, most on my own. Ive suffered with depression for most of it, and have willed through. but I dont want to struggle my entire life for meaningless things anymore, being late to work, getting sick, eating, sleeping, my existence is unneeded, no family, a plethora of friends but my end will just be blip on their spectrum of life, like it never happened. Ive tried before, tricked a friend to go to the indoor gun range last year, held the AR in my ends, could have been done, easy, BUT THERE WERE little kids and families there. Im trying to end it not scar young kids for life. So to make the reality of this situation a joke to myself until i pull the trigger, like master oogway said ""My time has come."" in 4 months",3.882232030264817,4.909904032786892,4.730601092896176,86.21905422446406,71.51366120218579,7.597982345523329,26.09878100042034,7.882392219407189,1.362814543926019,710,22,147,9,13,230,119,183,0.128,0.736,0.136,0.6767,0,0,0,2,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,2,4,9,1,1,9,0,21,8,1,2,1,19,31,9,0,3,5,0,1,2,2,2,6,2,0,2,6,5,1,1,0,1,1,4,5,4,0,2,7,3,17,5,25,18,3,29,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,2,18,95,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456551313861889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538863961630753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668723756510123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888547172867662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066732523270506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348649485990904,0.1451532218291825,0.0,0.0,0.12673116665297646,0.0,0.0,0.32908742599046353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335126429869298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191374968874214,0.0,0.06470737998538466,0.0,0.14077550382842366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952161293692847,0.0,0.11094675942741247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675620893219642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095563226240872,0.13971006583525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34992035763282336,0.121015329097048,0.12413189921382478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826719440381656,0.12556614283582498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977144250369285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552203455455448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392508937526627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823042252525255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707985005236304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781128935630468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921445378220165,0.12394110308464905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294766449581177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456307776450932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665669487587166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681742931103805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305091730374845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016548274372738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975640769403336
suicidewatch,iloveyousunflower,2019/02/04,"I am falling short of reasons to live It seems that nothing in my life ever works. I'm a crippled guy who has a life span of 30 years. Who cannot even do his fucking chores properly. Who is depressed as shit. And living in a country where the chances of dying alone is 87%. 

Even when I trusted someone when nobody else did, it backfired me. When everybody else warned me I trusted her but what happen? Fuck happens.

I've literally zero reasons to stay alive. Nothing ever works in my life. I just need a fucking restart . I'm not going to do any good to anyone, not in this life.

I was working on something which was going to help people but even now it seems that it's not going to work. Everything I've been doing or thinking of doing is fucked up.",1.629677152317882,3.960493403973512,3.0945985099337783,89.6850765728477,81.84768211920529,4.834602649006623,25.33153973509933,5.985473137389443,0.7865923841059609,588,24,115,4,16,192,93,151,0.124,0.774,0.103,-0.5187,0,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,11,9,5,0,5,0,14,9,1,2,2,16,29,8,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,12,1,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,4,0,11,3,17,25,0,21,0,1,0,4,7,9,5,3,7,78,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151294453092172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978477892645355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203611672878812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010515411390803,0.0,0.12176445390077333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960193651135504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324754560517394,0.21225370899666274,0.0,0.0,0.10544382194724744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43385895922526135,0.0,0.0,0.20003489121450552,0.09840634221036837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161698400716239,0.20749958464532467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864023358077407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314794537840131,0.0,0.0,0.20719961449471488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869947344825644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515231407765487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133813332886748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24125854211352016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136158930216494,0.0,0.0,0.1204320577039624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940878735355878,0.09032224039354562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505245647282334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751768924153096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416549431105068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555322198754329
suicidewatch,deadmanusaf,2019/02/04,Well....here's the plan boys and girls I've held on as long as I could before deciding I've had enough. Going through a separation (which is just a game in my opinion) I finally have my two boys (4 and 2) back with me after almost two months. I'll only have them for two more months before they go back with mom. At which time she get the kids and take whatever she wants from the house and I dont have any backbone or heart to stop her. I'm too destroyed to pull it back together and there is only so much shitshow I want to live. I've been a cop for almost 10 years and it took the best I had. I wont let these boys watch me self destruct. So I guess it's time to go. April 5th when everything comes undone itll be time to go. I've tried to pull it together and I'm not gonna be able to pull it off. I'll show these boys the best time I can knowing I'll loose them in the end. I wished I never made it back from Iraq and I wished I never met her. The course is looking pretty unavoidable. My weakness has taken over. I might wait till she divorces me then write out letters put them in the kids backpacks and blow my brains out at the truck after the hearing. Not sure what you all think but the pain is already robbing everything I got so I guess I've lost my dammed mind or maybe I'm seeing really clearly for the first time in a long time...,1.1841299734748,2.81538365172414,2.635172413793104,96.03591511936342,79.72413793103449,5.840848806366048,19.774535809018566,6.67199483983844,-0.0436976127320956,1049,25,250,10,26,341,157,290,0.069,0.885,0.046,-0.6316,0,1,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,1,4,5,11,8,2,0,16,0,20,4,2,1,5,45,50,20,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,8,12,14,0,3,3,2,0,10,6,5,0,4,10,4,33,3,31,32,6,48,0,1,3,0,25,11,0,8,27,149,45,0,0.09619725904087092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926553185283072,0.0,0.10615606744798252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541743489236426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958790171999972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371356436172946,0.0,0.20190617692829455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738795543329034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286542077627627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680568370192557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274247115609964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852022186510082,0.09939748373746604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729117871817288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537939519439984,0.0,0.08182533939777226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050259097453407835,0.0,0.218684476718526,0.0,0.07693773584183884,0.0,0.2119442524168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084213023428924,0.11399421513517582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099872124193397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528674977931989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836821493299476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849439421485747,0.17026309419993288,0.08078146969554567,0.0,0.1050106718808926,0.0,0.0,0.0910241724568888,0.0,0.0,0.09664307649697754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205008991557332,0.09713180887529804,0.11266506714475108,0.153567468782076,0.0,0.07071605399352777,0.0,0.14838651309045442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463247006301864,0.10236066603054447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786719598345904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670481519730748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162642741317876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665676075446044,0.0,0.10035472102226473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042521598629064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090664778198223,0.0,0.07232836690213296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163931931831435,0.0,0.0,0.3365603720675803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687869435060113,0.06531162433482621,0.0,0.2819122322234851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347927153469048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864928887041174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124420083500576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619478808712938
suicidewatch,PrinceDunce,2019/02/04,"Consideration I’m tired of living. School, anxiety, depression, and high expectations. That combo has ruined any hope for a happy future for me, and I am ready for whatever awaits me on the other side. I will give it a week, as I have many friends that I would like to say goodbye to before leaving, but I am 95% sure I will have moved on by next Monday.",4.07357142857143,5.1852335000000025,5.547142857142859,80.22785714285716,71.14285714285714,8.457142857142857,25.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,1.7609428571428567,275,8,55,5,5,93,53,70,0.107,0.698,0.195,0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,8,11,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,5,10,8,0,9,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615977146121259,0.0,0.1817876111809893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022070866535052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467184751068224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359367316698968,0.0,0.0,0.2279579938037729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25296337885003045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510709532765597,0.0,0.23602191088054586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25161767436548305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609485247280292,0.0,0.20983315753575255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092126075058706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525649055585951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252724024264758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889742772247209,0.0,0.24049598164572544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396507867902168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731226988030561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906138276636713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880675200784967,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tato555,2019/02/04,Depression My name is ????? I’ll be 14 in two days. My dad works with heavy machinery my mom was in prison last year for 15 months and got out about 4 months ago. She stays with her sister trying to get back on her feet. I used to go to a public school but for the past few years I’ve been going to a private Christian school about 5 miles from my house and it’s mandatory to go to every church service but I miss some to stay with my mom on weekends. I mostly miss Sunday’s and there’s talk of me being kicked out for missing Sunday church and I can’t go back to public school I have a life here and I have nothing to live for if I get kicked out it’s a small school of thirty people it’s one big classroom in a building by the church. I’m not even supposed to have internet the church is pine burr Christian academy in Columbia Mississippi ,1.129209039548023,3.2148466949152565,2.5116666666666667,94.56942090395485,82.0508474576271,5.515254237288136,19.43785310734464,6.691623216298621,0.04585649717514162,663,17,148,7,18,214,104,177,0.07400000000000001,0.917,0.009000000000000001,-0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,8,0,10,2,1,1,0,19,22,8,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,0,2,3,0,16,0,32,17,3,31,6,4,0,0,11,12,0,3,13,88,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249932391152987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125230233698762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912273791880243,0.0,0.11902500817036472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912748509129084,0.0,0.11643315163265895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439976776615546,0.0,0.31415195708092863,0.0,0.11052517604712817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945560487366744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264534166481405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760945812951034,0.0,0.0,0.12202651998244585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236987999265644,0.2206078894385768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259944242604602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364282264464682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192038960159588,0.0958052878254082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5594327999375361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29458966158499594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107390658115834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382364451651946,0.0,0.13499400415764765,0.0,0.0,0.11935396056683915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060579466869396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798289393702102
suicidewatch,tyler_02,2019/02/04,"I want to die, I hate feeling the way I feel everyday, the same thought loops and going out to get help and changing diets just for it to do absolutely nothing. Change takes time and ive tried so long and nothing fucking changes My only brother died of a heroin overdose, my whole life is a fucking shit show Im not going to graduate highschool since I fucked that up from my drug use trying to escape my depression and being in my head constantly, my anxiety is fucking horrible to the point I wake up everyday feeling nauseous and heart racing, waking up at night on a weekly bases with heart racing like never before. i have zero friends and the ones I do have only want to hang when theres drugs or it benefits them. My mom is a narcissistic who is also depressed about my brothers death and constantly talks about how if I wasn’t here she would “buy a gun and shoot herself”,  I am only 16 and I can’t bear to think how my life will be in 10 years let alone 5 years knowing my mental health is absolutely fucked, meds makes me sick as a damn dog, therapists just ramble and don’t give me any real good advice. Life just sucks. ",7.5744727272727275,6.193712742222228,7.701050505050508,76.28163636363641,63.8,10.492929292929293,34.676767676767675,9.339509955726095,2.9788222222222216,897,32,174,13,11,292,145,225,0.232,0.685,0.083,-0.9916,0,1,2,2,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,12,15,9,0,10,0,19,19,6,4,1,35,41,19,3,4,6,3,3,1,1,2,7,0,0,0,4,13,1,0,6,1,1,3,5,11,0,2,2,3,26,4,23,34,2,25,0,2,0,5,11,9,8,2,13,110,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404615198481134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967724543789616,0.0,0.07696435173582457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544757039639218,0.0,0.07362454047395918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189449071213292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054324714676233,0.0,0.0,0.20800590150002707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165785452848352,0.0,0.19976711788084767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232193416844333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598789423150946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435600112148577,0.444868920458117,0.05028225004623326,0.09232368714311784,0.10939260847037967,0.08072286588901151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501862909773236,0.0987716203353419,0.1023002924095514,0.0,0.22809345649570026,0.0645086981817775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395741475870562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289185198402455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984135296987328,0.2039348091678464,0.047018771571800365,0.0,0.0,0.08517076419988412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424199778872464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069026922974516,0.0,0.09698887005390187,0.0,0.0,0.1127169679658446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422743476063938,0.0,0.0,0.0903161973568134,0.0,0.1846927712752255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521578110677273,0.21958816088514074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097939519476927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954398085963782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987905923989354,0.07961202431733397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236168602868841,0.07735533139319613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174388491201424,0.0,0.061667714377806535,0.0,0.07640505924861668,0.05611923559259984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068342219132748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312181912853023,0.0,0.0,0.11353154743101755,0.07639208154545743,0.07719918523902057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745028007791584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836725266776167,0.0,0.0,0.12395283614841195
suicidewatch,IAmAWhale12,2019/02/04,"Help for a friend My friend has been pretty depressed and suicidal. I’m really worried now, and if you say get therapy, I’m not sure if that’ll work. His dad doesn’t allow him to be selfish at all, even like self care selfish, and his family’s really tight on money. Therapy costs a lot, and he’s losing energy to eat or shower. He’s been diagnosed with depression for about 5 years, and I can’t really say things are gonna get better. What do i do????",2.132553191489361,3.7618466702127655,4.558457446808512,83.30875,76.97872340425532,8.955319148936171,21.324468085106385,9.516144504307137,1.8156638297872347,353,9,74,10,8,124,68,94,0.218,0.555,0.228,-0.4243,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,3,11,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,1,2,15,16,8,1,2,4,1,1,1,2,2,1,2,1,1,3,6,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,2,3,7,6,8,11,2,4,0,3,0,0,13,2,0,4,3,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534555065665093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908388381021434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30256911059240593,0.17827806843630245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973079259347471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601322648364795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165584415866546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714089655033268,0.0,0.18353667844416047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773252175622595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581228118151232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650413122745836,0.0,0.1493288491113949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786962061555069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33757201277680515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793631839461572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323819065485367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212937483693948,0.0,0.16554527523902132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017354415309232,0.0,0.11669210179066172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278731515387875,0.17837811541898982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311094774743995
suicidewatch,HeroExists,2019/02/04,"The only thing stopping me from killing myself is fear It seems like people around me that I call my friends  are starting to hate me more and more. Everything seems so pointless now that in have no motivation, knowing that I’ll have 0 impact on the world as a whole. My friends always say they’re open for support, and I tried to get some once but it didn’t help at all, it made things worse, in fact. They seem like completely different people then I know. I seem like a completely different person then I remember. School work keeps piling up infinitely and I have little time to just relax or breathe, and when I do have some I feel guilty for not doing schoolwork instead. Because of this, I’ve lashed out at some of my friends and broke up with my SO, which has made everything so much worse. All of these problems seem to get worse over time. The only thing stopping me from taking my own life is my fear of death, which I have no idea how long I’ll keep. I don’t want to feel this way any more, but I don’t know who to ask for support, and therapy is horrifying to me, opening up in front of a therapist is too much. I hope i keep being afraid of death, but I can’t guarantee that. ",4.899750000000001,5.232411141666667,5.154166666666665,86.6075,68.83333333333334,8.566666666666668,28.5,8.447377352677275,1.73095,934,30,201,13,15,295,129,240,0.201,0.659,0.14,-0.9643,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,10,17,2,3,6,0,18,2,1,4,3,47,43,18,3,3,6,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,16,11,0,5,13,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,3,3,27,10,32,39,12,29,0,1,0,0,10,16,0,10,14,136,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794243317495407,0.0,0.0,0.06370002934607161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833877526773532,0.08757047889267615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571014537570369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564937072926476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642617928009573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957341670624143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837232972953914,0.0,0.0,0.2108136121272405,0.09472654309798476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171117777852428,0.0,0.09787928823430044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248149969953204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278622632388238,0.0,0.0,0.09303722323978032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574404914638252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497793727461252,0.10363395701042033,0.0,0.1544386981737141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616315548459964,0.13728991515497235,0.09388374204739378,0.0,0.08289658647525655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772690251840642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771908733620788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975739923900924,0.0,0.14248323462291526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988044962259446,0.08179059394315201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963125238339065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611187785171676,0.0,0.0,0.07449156712247287,0.0,0.09480085238343748,0.0,0.4263763977716147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663013750917242,0.0,0.0,0.15662762157887195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259527447389245,0.0,0.0,0.07042952848579341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712185544837144,0.1087601679485988,0.18669412505429211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924154808120358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359699663573394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525004869744871,0.07435230684317938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458120832831044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819417874940616,0.0,0.28637866986054866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SometimesFeelsDead,2019/02/04,"Procrastination can hit hard There's a Research project I have to submit within the month. I was expected to start on it last year. I currently don't have a shred of insight on the topic, have no idea if I could, or even want to fake the results in order to just survive through it, and I sure as hell don't deserve any payment for any of this. My life has essentially been surmounting to this, and I fucked it up, because my lazy ass cannot handle working for more than an hour in a row. Now, I have to present in front of a board, and I'm considering faking the data. If I get asked questions, I better be fucking prepared. If I'm caught, I'm ready to die. I can't live through that.",5.190422535211269,4.685266739436621,6.040950704225353,83.36663732394369,68.22535211267606,8.790140845070423,32.5387323943662,8.07648339933343,2.134208450704225,535,21,117,6,8,177,93,142,0.195,0.728,0.077,-0.9596,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,3,0,9,0,14,4,1,1,1,16,25,8,1,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,1,12,2,23,19,1,18,1,0,0,3,2,7,4,5,8,77,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30971786349580605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288955363422335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881736352154986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014018151336684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181767826600964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236339731834345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040839145089288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42105108179101797,0.11897547121886548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399439733248284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242605346969916,0.0,0.0,0.2570706898821299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562401882646976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084695226356874,0.0,0.0,0.20108290949083613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176571892455512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551010248562124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118297315595542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146255156907139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343164769018144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657845024715024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664565603281793
suicidewatch,gtgtgg2g,2019/02/04,"i’m 17 going on 18. i used to be fat until i became bulimic and anorexic. lost 100, still feel fat tho. i just cut myself for the first time in years, tbh it felt great. i lost my job, might not be able to graduate due to my attendance and terrible grades and i fail at EVERYTHINGGGG. my family loves talking about my fails lol. i always said if i don’t graduate hs i would kill myself and now i’m giving up early. i just would rather be dead than have to stay in this fucked up world. i’m worthless to society. i’m just a depressed stupid bitch so yeah i might kill myself this week but i’m still on the fence 🙄 ",-0.8979230769230746,1.221836976923079,1.3773076923076921,96.76519230769232,98.46153846153842,5.06153846153846,14.961538461538465,6.742157984588678,-0.24173846153846104,477,11,109,8,20,159,84,130,0.232,0.6920000000000001,0.076,-0.9515,1,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,5,10,15,6,0,3,2,9,4,2,1,0,19,24,9,3,4,7,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,4,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,13,0,1,4,3,17,2,16,13,0,21,0,6,0,2,4,8,2,3,10,65,20,6,0.17174772996845106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290786975754044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792606815741288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190847465772246,0.0,0.08684081271393297,0.0,0.1649047544103948,0.0,0.0,0.14608853137379593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877800884978258,0.0,0.1647560724084637,0.09760819286906104,0.0,0.0,0.1893524786129672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043312088420715,0.0,0.3800268333337778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37496587112409424,0.0,0.15500903177559774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643944008556308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337142103441918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830602283837582,0.2743159180167842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380443196602571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014748250326183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833489513730078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776566931731998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440093193729673,0.0,0.0,0.11059990712916697
suicidewatch,ResidentRift,2019/02/04,"i'm going to shoot myself at work tomorrow i bought a box of .38 special. my boss has a revolver that he has been trying to sell and i'm going to load it and put a round in my head in the bathroom. i'm so tired of living where i do and trying to exist in this world. i'm pretty obviously on the autism spectrum and i can't keep this shit up, i just want to move on to whatever is next",0.1947413793103437,1.686290356321841,3.0282614942528774,92.72101293103451,82.2183908045977,5.729310344827588,18.92097701149425,6.6274283507984215,-0.05210229885057505,299,7,72,3,8,106,57,87,0.12,0.797,0.083,-0.6359,0,0,0,2,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,5,0,6,3,2,1,1,9,15,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,15,13,0,15,0,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,2,44,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114662516492657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812258230728937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356351366261225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196661471662015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29124222268743905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29142570853457817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787790807083814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754679871009669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812798409596243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149481979290254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37208616040683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162538775119645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949141842577472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,funtimes10163,2019/02/04,Professional help I never understood why everyone says get professional help like it’s super attainable and free. A lot of insurances don’t cover therapy and medications can be very costly. My friend was going to commit suicide so her family took her to the hospital to be placed in psych ward to which they did nothing and prescribed no medications but held her overnight and told her to take walks to cure her depression. She came out of it with $1000 bill and felt worse. In reality getting ‘help’ is not an easy alternative. ,9.052268041237113,8.618163298969076,9.128577319587633,64.16874226804126,60.340206185567006,13.53319587628866,37.95670103092783,12.688352899677879,5.107339793814433,428,18,73,14,5,141,76,97,0.14800000000000002,0.713,0.138,-0.7252,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,2,16,17,7,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,2,0,3,4,4,1,0,0,8,2,9,5,12,7,1,9,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,2,45,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076748071337152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662508718376556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444224176400528,0.0,0.0,0.18196539261158232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853328458762849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912948995731612,0.0,0.20169364113730506,0.0,0.10969971260042743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881387828512111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430154012002136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410169105944572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889017713440569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887163537221862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521126986157144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166849167974066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350004764021566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113639796029207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451296622619412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073921317293194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444224176400528,0.21445622897981614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926461609033302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741737006661736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670745367486506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkimboring,2019/02/04,"I’ve got issues. First off id like to say im 18, senior in high school. Ive dealt with stuff like this since early middle school. I just dont want to live. 

I have a eating disorder ive had for a while but never really noticed since this year. See the thing is my family gets food off food stamps and when we do get food most of it is aimed towards the kids (I live with my aunt and uncle and their grandchildren who are 2 & 6) so I dont get much food and because its been like that everytime I would start to go out with friends and eat id purposely stop eating even if I was still hungry cause I dont wanna get used to eating more cause ill get hungry more when im home if that makes sense. I already get really hinge on weekends I stay home since im used to eating at school but either im not allowed in the kitchen because they’re doing something or I have to wait till dinner cause they dont want me eating specific foods. This has taken a big toll on me recently since ive never trued to fix it until recently and its hard. Sometimes ill be eating and ik I can eat more and I try cause I am hungry but food just makes me feel like throwing up and I hate it. 

Suicide is something ive thought about for a while :/ I mean I have the supplies. Due to my aunt who has major medical problems and used to be a drug addict she still gets doses because she goes to methadon clinic which gives them doses smaller so they can slowly get off it. I know I can easily overdose on that and mix it with some alcohol. I also know where my uncle keeps his gun so I can easily end it there. Idk ive always had thoughts and almose attempted it multiple times but when I was younger Id think of the fact that my family gets money for me and it would hurt them more. Although I hate living here and this ‘home’ gives me more depression, I still care for them. Now they dont get money for me but I have multiple close friends I love and care about and I know they care for me too. 

A few months ago one of my friends told me (drunkenly) he deals with the same stuff so I told him about me. He trys to help me and vice versa but I notice he really doesn’t talk about himself and I feel like I’ve become a burden to him. He’s the only one ive ever spoken to and he’s helped a lot he’s even the one who convinced me to fix my eating and brings food for me from time to time when he can. But I dont want to make him feel like he’s obligated to and Ive told him this but he says he doesn’t. 

Idk life just sucks and its so stressful I’ve promised if I ever attempt suicide to call him but I dont know yesterday I wrote a list of my closest friends and I was about to write letters to them saying each they’re own goodbye and overdose but I start thinking of my friends and all the things we have planned in the coming months, parties, trips, a lot of ither things. I just feel lonely sometimes even though I know im not. Sleep is an escape I use a lot it just helps me leave especially when im home. Alcohol is another thing, Im not an alcoholic as I have control of it and haven’t drank for three weeks despite having the chance to yesterday but it just makes me feel happy and when im sober I don’t. ",0.8973234998030364,2.811747812316717,2.6021381362979845,94.53664004026787,81.87390029325513,5.713870530047709,19.709896266468245,6.8221615863531175,0.11493747100275753,2496,65,572,28,67,822,271,682,0.117,0.76,0.123,0.8229,1,2,7,1,0,2,38.0,2,0,9,5,37,27,3,1,24,0,51,33,1,14,6,116,111,61,2,10,25,2,6,6,5,2,12,3,5,1,33,38,22,4,15,1,2,5,16,9,0,5,15,10,90,18,64,92,18,64,0,3,1,1,59,19,1,9,45,359,123,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389593475458956,0.0,0.0,0.0356934211779377,0.1290964757649952,0.0,0.0,0.04443458417641489,0.03220074326225667,0.03350457677482525,0.04362824513414717,0.0,0.0,0.04222246117238663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363742560085547,0.04447068540210853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411161360316907,0.0,0.12316175561566632,0.16545728837222365,0.0,0.034685634116973535,0.0,0.0,0.045161795635742935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151252641185129,0.03468108730461684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614837838322078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33034055063393003,0.0,0.04669583093106642,0.37081996687317176,0.0,0.0,0.0356637660727275,0.0,0.0,0.07978603291576053,0.07284588962686446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591849110714602,0.0,0.1017986161888284,0.0862982161315411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0342502790338917,0.3408290473028541,0.0,0.1555472402560723,0.0,0.21037347653429225,0.07725372278648464,0.02288412245862932,0.0,0.032204436183378336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286395580765393,0.03607046908131708,0.07950877027353656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809684476573172,0.04254328944669972,0.16156051305599298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431056361479257,0.0,0.3479539238470425,0.042027291651986716,0.0,0.035790312713466624,0.0,0.0,0.11064583199822416,0.0,0.0,0.04263592984667087,0.0,0.0,0.02844109982584945,0.11803173997388428,0.0,0.106666971707299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269825977259342,0.036341679536111116,0.0,0.10751159625431073,0.0,0.0,0.04386152961196954,0.0,0.04056380617983761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427994915787365,0.0,0.02960017763788242,0.0,0.06211131558536076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168632285068544,0.0,0.0,0.08185594668327074,0.03062414322396932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03852916895938077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773863823956486,0.0,0.07951572742024897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606353027739224,0.0,0.1222541678883748,0.03208682622031422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332339608046224,0.0,0.040295126687716266,0.0,0.0,0.061997540449696416,0.07964830022587023,0.0,0.057001030672236726,0.04291824856606295,0.09646955151605707,0.033664218311405585,0.0461246208282188,0.0,0.09218998056425444,0.08808904001410102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03236432335204941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700388977678406,0.051601714130351535,0.03956118676519544,0.06393348716161587,0.07043836750268874,0.0,0.0,0.115427800502419,0.0,0.027338002800699788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910774517723473,0.0,0.0,0.07124987338699135,0.0,0.03229899411703872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057207689041723075,0.0,0.0,0.025930014113181424
suicidewatch,butteredroast,2019/02/04,"Why is it fair for me to live only to prevent my family from feeling pain? The only reason I have to not end my life is because I know it will cause my family pain.  Isn't that just as selfish? I do not want to love the next 30 years of my life period. I'm not going to have kids. I'm not going to be successful. I certainly do not want to work at a company that does not care about me day after day. I could pass peacefully and do my best to explain my pain and the reason I'm leaving to my family. There will be pain for them I understand that, but why should I continue to suffer? They may not ever forgive me but I can still least explain my pain and hope they will understand. Living at the expense of myself to prevent others from pain is not a life worth living",2.216139601139598,3.5658386481481514,4.347777777777779,86.08653846153852,76.09876543209877,7.7006647673314355,22.95536562203229,8.384062270229773,1.2998037986704651,599,17,128,11,13,207,81,162,0.194,0.705,0.101,-0.9487,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,3,3,5,15,0,0,6,0,18,10,0,3,2,34,34,6,0,5,11,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,9,0,2,3,9,8,0,0,0,1,23,7,22,26,2,15,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,2,10,94,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372229874239041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970085200659452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657828028262294,0.1073841053587653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346103194299549,0.0,0.0,0.13483017322443133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914774640905246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258514148566327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455601217211068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956330057599393,0.0,0.052854986002697286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188169365673166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038247775384728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744855991632551,0.0,0.0,0.1106852705678075,0.0,0.0,0.2215040817069907,0.0,0.0,0.2769134546034285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434504294403467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117194797730474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900399455774994,0.6673823919414482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495450659069867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348012618707294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217644915787172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331245097929143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864940530087496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610121187547021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731577423703487
suicidewatch,JustMid,2019/02/04,"How many people here don't have a soulmate (Poll inside) https://www.strawpoll.me/17369395

I'm curious and willing to bet it fuels a large amount of depression on here.",6.786666666666669,10.428385285714286,5.328571428571427,73.48309523809526,71.14285714285714,8.019047619047619,27.190476190476193,8.841846274778883,2.7391047619047617,140,5,20,3,3,41,26,28,0.227,0.6970000000000001,0.076,-0.6753,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741554087776158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758440236498688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621476195634512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wja77754,2019/02/04,"Anyone else afraid they might kill someone? I'm so enraged sometimes that I could, well, snap and take someone's life...",4.408636363636365,6.89970895454546,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,73.0909090909091,4.4,29.181818181818183,3.1291,0.7955636363636369,95,4,17,0,2,27,20,22,0.312,0.609,0.08,-0.7959,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134382931798934,0.3096961209969446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413261432983277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524953940746508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344005416863469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134917518541096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206449501595341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121996170690559,0.0,0.2989380729216445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272582573875396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717636800774008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EscapeTheBullet,2019/02/04,"Closer to giving in than ever before ""You're still young"" ""It'll get better"" ""You just need to come outside more"" ""You don't look depressed"" ""Many people have it worse than you, think about them"" ""Just smile""

Heard it all when I was only 12. Still hearing it 14 years later. I guess some things don't change. So why should it get any better in the future? I'm so tired of being who I am. How am I the selfish one when I've been holding on for do long only for their sake? How are they not selfish for expecting me to continue to suffer? And for what? To not cause tears in stranger's eyes who call themself family? They will move on, they always do. This life has nothing to offer me and I have nothing to offer it either. It's all pointless and it's taking too long. I want to stop hurting like this. Why would that make me the bad one, the selfish one? 

If there even was a little but of light somewhere in this dark tunnel, I would be able to endure it longer but instead the dark has become darker. I've lost all hope because all the help didn't help and people have given up on me. So why can't I? 

Jesus.. I've never been this close before. More determined to succeed this time. I'm crying though because I don't actually want to die. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I'm sorry for this pointless post. There are enough of desperate people already and this post will be just another random one in the crowd. Easily forgotten. Like always.

Sorry",1.2410529019003569,3.6115685423728814,2.6163636363636407,92.22659989727785,83.91525423728814,4.796096558808424,18.430919363122754,6.11248444174946,-0.13060451977401089,1140,28,232,9,33,368,154,295,0.123,0.733,0.14400000000000002,0.785,0,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,3,5,4,21,15,0,0,8,0,30,3,1,4,6,42,51,16,1,10,10,0,0,3,0,6,2,2,0,0,22,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,9,8,0,4,8,5,22,7,32,34,9,31,1,4,2,0,19,12,0,5,18,157,44,1,0.10136880024644916,0.0,0.098921326415303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186299176685667,0.0,0.16869392458064802,0.0,0.0,0.06893426025186182,0.10629402556691568,0.0,0.0,0.10053061123530377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463871402817008,0.12358695951809588,0.11195387573004416,0.17251476568960775,0.0,0.0,0.1793049323396184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035088787629354,0.0,0.0,0.10413368117424908,0.10723474963749592,0.08732024560532901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134886715856733,0.0,0.0,0.0873087991151086,0.0,0.10520481058622948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474106824293204,0.0,0.06695313653085537,0.09169388329625136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556148328016216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592202857166136,0.0972421900215564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166916189105527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142500051377454,0.0,0.13589074008518404,0.0,0.0,0.1006820911349722,0.0,0.0,0.10851739722321803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715997814456433,0.14857102639360933,0.10159816838628856,0.08951050778012733,0.1794163966559841,0.08512426182229628,0.0,0.11065602001317942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766446130613885,0.10277205298757007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773899229981228,0.0,0.075163680943338,0.07818186793837159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945321955362582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747604899686573,0.15419108088101455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082908770586545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941665794232134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269481453799756,0.0,0.0,0.16190650964046338,0.08474885600044031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621672228248366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734492660941442,0.06495303410516727,0.09959433156462574,0.0,0.059108962610002085,0.11650852393037475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936983428122302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744087259424585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330346763001677,0.1440189745642285,0.0,0.0,0.06527818385204749
suicidewatch,pigletsquidink,2019/02/04,"I'm looking for a way After getting over the shame of realizing I'm attracted to women ( I grew up southern Baptist).... And being in a relationship with a man and not being happy and feeling like I can't tell my girl friends how I feel about them, feeling like I've wasted time and opportunities... I'm just going to do it",3.4027692307692305,4.809440661538467,5.818461538461538,76.50153846153849,73.15384615384616,7.661538461538463,29.92307692307693,8.238735603445708,2.2695230769230776,253,11,48,4,5,90,48,65,0.136,0.66,0.204,0.3822,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,13,5,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,6,10,11,0,8,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,4,31,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529529638898358,0.4266488117926224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070249261601866,0.0,0.15600947126049722,0.0,0.16970484605977762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178719671248745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917679175251697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507540925606779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32059142419538944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26099507454912296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411973935722155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701978808500815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toomuchblood,2019/02/04,"I will never amount to anything It seems like no matter how many steps forward that I take there will always be ten leaps backwards. I have three jobs but I can't afford to move out because rent is too high. My partner can't afford to move out with me because she can't find work. I'm losing my insurance and my medication on my birthday this year and idk if I'll even make it to a ""real"" job even with a degree. I made it through school but still have no prospects. Can't afford to go to grad school. Can't afford to live on my own or with someone else. I'll never get better and I'll never be truly alive or have purpose. If this is all life is what's the point of being alive? ",1.9574597701149443,3.404665475862072,3.2825000000000024,93.05041666666668,77.0,5.3850574712643695,21.048850574712645,5.46131890053228,-0.1085977011494248,534,13,119,2,12,174,87,145,0.147,0.8140000000000001,0.039,-0.939,7,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,3,0,16,2,0,3,4,25,23,10,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,2,0,1,5,10,1,0,2,1,0,12,2,16,17,3,17,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,5,7,78,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397508050162518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249935280567027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963031317404944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240224005846974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450506427430312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126941294147036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471622686198455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412224886023968,0.0,0.09150696542770767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011826971377295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195596033912619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372770545145355,0.07866244648218668,0.0,0.14217675610304234,0.0,0.0,0.18013150907283818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235367278161452,0.107476919196994,0.16324113754013062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622028905161244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34226105539753826,0.0,0.0,0.3725476922840771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522086087375043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832671769967085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32590596193435306,0.0,0.1465794943486602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642514681827886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858458131637185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210611648137226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172188269666408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368660232807483
suicidewatch,CrewsD89,2019/02/04,"At the hospital, checking in In the check in process now and I don't know what to expect. I'm beyond terrified of what will happen to me and being away from everything I feel is going to break me. I'm already making the step, just looking for support to let me know I'm doing the right thing. Idk when I'll see my kids again, or be able to go to work, or how any of this will hash out from here. I'm just scared",4.316666666666666,3.4615951111111163,5.45888888888889,87.98500000000001,70.1111111111111,8.533333333333333,26.88888888888889,7.554174236665415,1.1711555555555555,320,8,76,3,5,107,61,90,0.093,0.8759999999999999,0.03,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,13,22,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,18,17,0,15,0,0,2,0,1,8,0,2,3,51,10,1,0.2605496156592803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28752297985664177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718267327533604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24479494068076565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23416519421835924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174171431733678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961527018948362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304031646491818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28638250961045497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26642963478815995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879605605627314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739188916534926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225079481541119,0.0,0.0,0.2608556185228917,0.0,0.20762431020798916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29566861619751417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309758724603247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896832233309017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,light7777777,2019/02/04,"Why good things happen to bad ppl and bad shit happens to good ppl Iam tired of dealing with anxiety everyday because iam a very anxious environment in my job. And also have no one expect myself who i understand. My bully, the jocks from my high school all went to live happy lifes. Why wrong did i do to deserve so much suffering, the fucking world is a joke the system is broken.",3.958558558558561,5.79637602702703,5.006486486486487,81.13558558558559,72.51351351351352,7.636036036036036,27.1981981981982,8.344100000000001,1.992133333333333,302,11,55,5,6,99,58,74,0.327,0.5529999999999999,0.12,-0.9613,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,5,0,5,4,1,0,1,6,10,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,2,0,6,4,8,8,2,6,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,34,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461271532997996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978607329005482,0.206430116755528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051397383819863,0.11138901662135828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883840773935432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689286727476992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30652639390899106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231707326494009,0.1945168715618623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930616858196074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132889505155625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906587032536554,0.0,0.0,0.16135177170447212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432577192906126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238209148576473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849300328987914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756720110640174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139606280000495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001843494191955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902258206360337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507693630327843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939026671656188,0.3297663793897251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978388756837606,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,history_memery,2019/02/04,"There's a guy threatening to kill himself over at r/target and it seems kinda legit. Anything can be done for him? Not sure if there's anything that can be done, but guess i decided to at least try and came to this sub, thanks",4.241205673758863,4.579018085106384,4.830638297872341,88.33333333333334,70.27659574468085,7.9687943262411345,26.30496453900709,7.793537801064563,1.2342539007092197,178,5,39,2,3,57,37,47,0.135,0.785,0.08,-0.1732,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,10,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,7,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43000588969415104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29882327200472103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347398332926451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28781835614661905,0.258698372592129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890565399151921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23785039150627854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462438789809044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240542309345784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738517689404604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,33forever,2019/02/04,"I can’t wait to die Everywhere I look, even if I try to see something, there is nothing.

Im a soon to be failure with nothing to show for myself. Im finally pushing myself to be better but the pain inside is too much. I hate these mixed emotions so much, they clash with me and drive me mad. 

I want to just lay down somewhere cold and die and fade away into vacancy. I’ll never make anyone feel worth it or good, I’m just a useless moron, I don’t value myself because I constantly feel inferior to the world, constantly and always out of reach of something that isn’t of this world.

Just to think, only 2 more years of this shit before I might finally choose to the pull the plug. I honestly can’t wait, I’m so sick this burden. I will drag everyone down with me while i’m here

I’m not worth love, i’m not worth anything. I want to leave so bad. 



",1.9938389513108632,3.5406134775280904,3.754853932584272,89.27797378277155,77.14606741573033,6.769138576779027,23.10262172284645,7.554174236665415,0.8993875655430719,661,20,144,9,15,222,103,178,0.307,0.5820000000000001,0.111,-0.9944,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,13,4,0,6,0,10,4,1,1,1,28,27,11,2,3,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,4,1,3,3,7,9,0,0,0,5,18,4,23,23,3,19,0,2,2,1,2,7,1,3,9,88,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987909492595865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073819775391264,0.0,0.1185586336887952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353599908637571,0.0,0.12029375045505378,0.08782469723500644,0.0,0.1225943022171318,0.0,0.0,0.12741960362868648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113803887135391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990471057279769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206113468729305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515791905043897,0.0,0.0,0.1376665676306574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569383825318225,0.0,0.0,0.31564674490566075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084040489874286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224085687047516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112440559020981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525509996946448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098384086877605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300302248304092,0.0,0.09616889760786328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283717770327712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181837506708528,0.0,0.11111688333022487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764811310522024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957292781954618,0.15330231768417776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480639532292225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788740531199449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218266801784987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231525036338648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978151449235343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995429992795302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277737319879148
suicidewatch,a_live_dog,2019/02/04,"Please help... I really do not want to die at all but I am completely at the end of my rope with depression and anxiety. I just want to make everything go away and I'm getting really, really desperate. I deal with horrible depression and for some reason I have really badly spiraled in the last few weeks. I can't keep going on like this... Honestly I don't know if I can even manage getting up and functioning tomorrow. Even thinking about that right now makes me feel like I just want to end it.

I have been dealing with this for so long, and I can't bear the thought of feeling this way for decades. Even if I don't feel like this every day, I would say it's at least 50% of the time and I can't do this anymore. What is the point of forcing myself through life every day while I'm totally miserable, just to have another day, and another day, etc...

I do not want to die but I can't take it anymore. Please help me find some kind of answer...",2.4770876288659807,4.035763036082475,4.162461340206189,86.81575386597942,75.85567010309279,8.561340206185568,25.527061855670105,9.188382445141503,2.0058567010309285,735,26,159,18,16,247,102,194,0.17,0.69,0.14,-0.8187,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,5,0,17,1,0,3,2,40,37,13,2,7,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,10,0,1,9,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,2,4,20,5,25,34,7,25,0,3,0,0,5,9,0,4,16,106,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300075965718341,0.08390107338115102,0.0,0.217536255201597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304327102989967,0.0,0.0915740423166808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499214889250743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829252024486489,0.22614021453252456,0.18892583037413616,0.0,0.2276506652342403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427899017058886,0.0,0.12231661419923548,0.2173179056998824,0.0,0.18481183234864712,0.0,0.09856881644085136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636492326916286,0.15670368116637884,0.0,0.0,0.1002409613671186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146013197159596,0.0,0.12466165780518712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702567880301198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748417760595338,0.0,0.11420963331628445,0.060274510727115774,0.08939976160867867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746669465920991,0.16074499257482674,0.0,0.0,0.09705892208034474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641782579355994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078042634127,0.1036783233317286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810424487816266,0.11276416443000413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366184915500804,0.0,0.08721796055065473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246194937711257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027531032387545,0.0,0.08706969770462265,0.0639523733966692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587566219297369,0.08705490857021075,0.08797466801161323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790997194711738,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Echo_OneNine,2019/02/04,"A friend in dire need ​

How can you comfort someone who lives over a long distance?

My Situation:

A friend of mine lost his girlfriend of two years to a motorcycle accident recently. He is an absolute wreck.

He has access to heavy drugs, a revolver, and is somewhat isolated.

He lives east coast, im on the west coast.

His girlfriend's family is blaming him for her death, despite having no direct influence for the crash.

I heard him play russian roulette through the mic on voice chat.

Im so scared for him, is there anything I can do?

How to I respond when he talkes about taking his own life?",4.577062801932367,6.374527382608697,4.7846376811594205,83.51772946859906,70.82608695652175,7.893719806763285,31.90821256038648,8.515128840125781,2.5296183574879234,479,22,90,8,9,150,82,115,0.21,0.6890000000000001,0.101,-0.9349,0,0,1,1,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,9,0,9,2,0,3,0,6,13,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,13,4,14,11,2,10,0,1,0,0,21,6,0,1,4,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20939878187890698,0.23483390672290685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903776834249994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224122012831902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218976618289975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29862675002487393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175112222570773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650633071574006,0.0,0.0,0.3413069350454385,0.1710303682724329,0.0,0.0,0.21096778451864592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330097217479684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908224409533177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348850153417613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723405173636848,0.0,0.0,0.16374986319818818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530861530437664,0.15533629339012578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188788428184242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483390672290685,0.12445408594152467
suicidewatch,CantDothisMuchLonger,2019/02/04,"Why I will always be alone in the world. I always have been. I was alone through my childhood and my marriage and I’m more alone today than ever before.

Nobody knows me.

People are cruel. I do what I can to help others and treat people well and they hurt me. 

Why? What is wrong with me?",-0.837457627118642,1.2089294067796637,0.9110000000000014,99.03972033898307,102.38983050847456,2.3600000000000003,10.984745762711864,3.1291,-1.83394372881356,221,3,47,0,10,71,42,59,0.244,0.6459999999999999,0.11,-0.8466,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,7,11,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,2,5,7,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6349637171621841,0.0,0.0,0.3400865673586025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389468716167011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848546596774104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697771110096002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877082539917272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231051044073047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833539734382693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937086930394615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837435264640494,0.0,0.3688049105937743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343478109893505,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PointSight,2019/02/04,"I don't want to kill myself, but I want to fall asleep and wake up in the hospital. [short post] My parents are at it *again* with the bullshit, as I am still forced to live in their world. Watching my younger sister get scolded only due to a test date miscalculation was an invigorating experience for me. It was like I was being used as a test specimen for a potent nerve agent. And that's not even considering the fact that my parents only reluctantly support my living, as well. I think that if they had the choice, they'd disown me in an instant, but as it stands now, I have nowhere to go and it sickens me.

Additionally, any talks about potential mental problems are met with an instant shutdown from them thanks to their toxic bubble ideology (nothing's wrong with you, go on with your day). I don't think they understand the mind of an Aspie to this day, despite having raised one for nearly two decades at this point. So, I've decided that because I seemingly can't go out and get help that I want to black out and wake back up in the hospital. To me, it seems like the only way to get my issues some recognition.",5.3527792207792215,5.9426794727272725,6.093116883116879,79.3668181818182,67.9090909090909,9.012987012987011,30.259740259740266,9.04235418022936,2.357155844155844,884,32,175,15,14,290,130,220,0.111,0.777,0.112,0.3274,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,6,0,8,10,1,1,14,0,14,3,3,1,1,30,32,13,1,5,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,4,1,2,5,2,27,6,36,25,1,30,0,0,2,0,14,15,0,4,10,121,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628079507198314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886802221764376,0.0,0.0863072344539295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826176958710952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935137505530813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849462240224752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191266917036573,0.0,0.24139339141396726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489960761541902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777510013995734,0.0,0.0,0.15663979875441505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833988589102614,0.0,0.25003946730928545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268162233319054,0.0,0.14295772679991145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585200149314405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593980675173587,0.3230390767810897,0.0,0.0,0.31442069967920705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338410035921429,0.0,0.1355966726484849,0.0,0.0,0.13547510623403874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778235268527944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306777949425005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606658761779296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379846134065548,0.0,0.13034992717653282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144039678192486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830529992325172,0.14739213073973093,0.0,0.12228161847801212,0.0,0.0,0.2505266640046315,0.11238141162236122,0.0,0.0,0.127299459329259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479798051449095,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaterpillarBreed,2019/02/04,"Confused I have a bit of a financial problem. I'm 22 years old and find it very hard to save money. I live with my mother and her new husband in a 2 bedroom apartment. They charge me $250 every month to live there, it's cheap but it doesn't include my own expenses like, my internet, food, phone bill, and credit card bill. I pay all that including my carnote and my insurence with my own money. Now my parents are struggling to pay there bills and it's tension building up in the apartment. My mother have 2 jobs and he works at one job, and some days he comes home early. I have one job also and I'm debating if I should get another job to help my mother out. My mother's husband and I do NOT get along, mostly because he says very hurtful things to me and mother, and she takes up for him alot. I'm very sensitive and can't handle it so I lock myself in m y room all day everyday until it's time for me to go to work. It have been times when he threatened to kick me out, im surprised my mother actually disagree on that. This been going on for a while and im honestly thinking about killing myself, cause im constantly scared and paranoid all the time.
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suicidewatch,WiIIiam-,2019/02/04,"its over and i'm finally happy girlfriend of 7 years just left me, i told her it was fine. she expected me to be angry or sad but i knew it was coming, she looked at me differently for the past few weeks so i knew. i've only been living for her sake. she's getting her own place on saturday so when she leaves i'll be free to finally just fucking end it all.",-0.6826923076923102,1.4377297051282056,2.1263589743589755,93.71030769230772,91.69230769230772,5.684102564102564,18.056410256410253,7.1686216300943375,0.27480102564102626,279,8,65,5,10,97,56,78,0.054000000000000006,0.84,0.106,0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,13,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,1,13,4,8,5,3,14,0,1,1,1,9,5,1,1,8,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293514262267745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461356074677533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865789652348016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161424969047991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177940268164993,0.1230831511413064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507840264895633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494499156367037,0.2559631930003147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080253844531084,0.0,0.1978316035852238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791725892020616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489201337564665,0.0,0.0,0.2461356074677533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251110366382448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897163464290687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170866112813772
suicidewatch,G1Miller,2019/02/04,"I'm exhausted I'm so tired. Constant pressure, no purpose, nothing. I'm an apathetic piece of shit ",1.3203508771929826,3.9753217368421048,4.269473684210528,75.73298245614036,94.78947368421049,6.7438596491228076,37.91228070175438,7.793537801064563,4.079196491228071,79,6,13,2,3,28,15,19,0.54,0.387,0.073,-0.9015,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115183711521204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541878131580906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858823960727855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440410678791829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SemiWomanizerMaybe,2019/02/04,"90.2% sure I should do it. 51 days ago I started keeping track of which days I think I should do it. 46 of those days I thought about it. Usually before I even leave the house in the morning. 

How do I make the little voice in my head telling me I *need* to do it stop?",-1.7227777777777789,0.18754484482759004,0.147471264367816,105.48354406130268,100.55172413793105,3.267432950191571,16.78927203065134,5.033348758259628,-1.0538681992337169,203,6,52,1,9,65,38,58,0.065,0.892,0.044,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,2,1,10,12,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,1,6,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,33,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441895184931573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058287132720239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679928861719763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976461941196324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482466811214241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791060601134661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500100256918409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561242684826977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424351351741008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146199369328748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935674864135026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120943927092994,0.0,0.0,0.2022290429705227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279764014471128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142061049503666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499194378566544,0.0,0.1920319046600483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664052527398003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reddit_n_Me,2019/02/04,"Why isn’t Doctor Assisted Suicide for the Non-Terminally Ill Allowed? I live in Canada, where doctor assisted suicide was decriminalized back in 2015. Now, if you are likely to pass away in a 6 month period, you can get a medical professional to safely and I presume harmlessly assist you out of this world. Fair enough. 

But what about those who aren’t terminally ill, but have still had enough of life. Why are we still forcing these people to take dangerous actions if they want to end their lives? Let’s be honest, if you’re going to kill yourself, you’re going to kill yourself. So why not make it safer and accessible for everyone and eliminating the hassle and stigma of suicide. Suicide should not be a taboo subject. If it were legal and controlled, we might wven have an over population solution. This would be 100% entirely up to the individual. 

I am not terminally ill, and I am not planning to live this fucked up forsaken life any longer. So, why does the Goverment want me to risk the potential safety of others in trying to end my life when they have the knowledge and will power to do it theirselves. Why? ",5.248331339712919,7.085274057416271,6.103418062200959,74.56986393540673,69.19138755980862,9.24413875598086,29.80891148325359,9.673873057562805,2.9845523923444968,894,35,156,21,16,294,125,209,0.225,0.691,0.085,-0.9923,3,0,0,0,0,5,25.0,2,3,3,3,9,9,4,1,10,0,22,10,0,3,0,32,30,16,6,8,10,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,0,11,10,0,3,2,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,3,0,14,4,27,19,2,24,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,5,10,111,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364914487282323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175339223105352,0.08327763324274998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214700192710651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217035861436986,0.09477590145131347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918470375745812,0.22381004977708785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034873019999281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012355041996324,0.05658337957784141,0.0,0.12310116357955965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396404645950161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074623950635476,0.22949093776966606,0.05291093769043258,0.0,0.28689822728432834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229249570924008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910297628805893,0.0,0.11489141799648853,0.0,0.0,0.08644570652069412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508304272854928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298040104871618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738596965623709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142970419360906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735300197941035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775877444709152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886290198193361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693470767193608,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freecoffeemug,2019/02/04,Endless loop I feel a bit better rn but the thoughts of committing suicide keeps coming back. Whenever I find a bit of happiness it never lasts long. I don’t know how long I can be here anymore. ,0.4184615384615391,2.8651799487179517,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,95.66666666666666,5.676923076923077,24.448717948717945,7.1686216300943375,1.5128256410256409,154,7,30,3,6,51,32,39,0.147,0.6579999999999999,0.195,0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,2,10,8,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773828743253664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433024127045372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120132714743606,0.5234253235680821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649795513338376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212098703890464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910016299512808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25518689361013697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307456464515304,0.0,0.0,0.1317440988659013,0.19540417483079184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242901376424867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848872016548328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622152815662845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031127294512412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zzzzzyyz,2019/02/04,"I have let my whole family down all my life and the guilt is crippling me Ever since I can remember I have been suffering from bad anxiety and depression. When I was 9 I used to go to bed thinking “what is the point of existing on this flying rock in space when the only thing that’s guaranteed is death”

Im 18 and I have basically jumped off the rales during the past few years. I was working in realestate for a year and a half but hated every second of it. 6 months ago I lost my licence therefore lost my job because I needed my licence according to my job description. I tried to kill myself around 8 months ago but my dad stopped me and bear hugged me until an ambulance came. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here right now. I went through a rough stage abusing xanax for a couple of months doing all the wrong things with no memory, I got myself into a lot of trouble and thankfully haven’t touched them since. All I have been doing is trying to run away from myself. I am slowly coming to the realisation that I have dug myself a deeper hole. I have caused much pain for my family. My 11 year old sister has seen the worst of me and some things will never leave her. I should be so grateful to have parents that care about me more than themselves and it kills me to know my mum has sleepless nights over me every night, and it kills me to know what she thinks of me and what she thinks I’ve become. I just feel so lost I have no idea what I what from this world, i basically depend on weed to feel normal, when I don’t smoke I am crippled by anxiety and have bad mood swings. I really know I have to stop smoking and have cut down a lot in the past few weeks therefore I am feelings a lot worse than usual, and my usual has never been good. I really can’t kill myself but that’s all I want to do, or at least I get urges to. 

Thankyou for letting me vent and I hope you all have a great day ",4.91255928853755,4.6192727702020235,5.666196750109794,85.10480237154152,68.77272727272728,8.806148440931047,26.560825647782174,8.321376580360154,1.4437730786122085,1491,37,327,19,23,488,202,396,0.226,0.7070000000000001,0.067,-0.997,3,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,1,4,11,25,6,1,19,0,42,4,0,5,8,61,68,25,5,7,6,4,5,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,18,19,0,2,11,1,0,6,9,18,0,2,13,6,63,6,47,48,16,51,0,5,1,1,10,17,0,8,27,239,81,3,0.0,0.09914295267312796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834831164385562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802456505425874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448981271728862,0.0,0.0,0.0786168127756915,0.0,0.13973274077906098,0.05100840902505546,0.09241410432695636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570360796952587,0.08531375391557477,0.08595880056168975,0.0,0.07207988320730149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258643987375996,0.0,0.05396441089291501,0.0,0.07207043452020148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569017188396887,0.1410020962773024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776548740101606,0.0,0.1269280360995038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371751015814745,0.0,0.04755527514811688,0.07018386620035512,0.06692372960594002,0.09225362088710286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826132060314302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831096307593618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446056721733702,0.09038496351196833,0.0,0.1660720011254257,0.0,0.3703025348927189,0.0,0.1379592246330697,0.0,0.0,0.08860131642450952,0.0,0.1711297517651877,0.059103176456884815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740283061542839,0.21341626752555784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036931769412966,0.0,0.06151184492861465,0.062045053884915276,0.129072928525583,0.0,0.0,0.1570494268558502,0.08198518978490044,0.0,0.0,0.08780439584115099,0.0,0.0,0.06363973798095246,0.08903768041464583,0.0,0.0929128349242971,0.0,0.1597573475828336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791013256159445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721059879531523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478914654095072,0.07145926158640402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843610731833014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991457765875426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703806574124399,0.0,0.0,0.1667728169209812,0.16084953998255605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136216822417002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226961738533888,0.1843156545452078,0.0,0.0493545592482642,0.0,0.06712022953993511,0.0,0.0,0.07756894056181915,0.0,0.09342180802336572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060917478171013874,0.0,0.08527348760945808,0.0,0.09148710135707773,0.0,0.1616547400464429
suicidewatch,D3struction209,2019/02/04,"European laws regarding discussion of suicidal thoughts with therapists/professionals Hey everyone, i'm not sure this is the best place to ask this question but I wasn't sure where else would be worth a try. My understanding of US law regarding discussing suicidal thoughts with a therapist is that you are held temporarily when they deem you to be a threat to yourself or others. For some reason it's difficult to search up that information as not many places have it. Is this similar to how things are in Europe (EU members) or if not, how does it differ?

It would also be helpful to get information from people here that have been held or know someone who has been held due to this. What did you/they say to the therapist which made them consider you/them a threat. 

Again if you have a suggestion for a better place to ask i'd love to hear it. Thanks for helping in advance",4.929555143651534,6.8183554216867535,5.312891566265061,79.7151946246525,70.08433734939759,9.686005560704356,30.239110287303056,10.035473477838034,3.140376830398518,704,29,132,19,13,224,103,166,0.135,0.733,0.132,-0.1088,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,3,2,3,7,9,2,0,8,0,18,1,0,4,2,32,33,11,2,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,17,2,0,3,8,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,10,2,8,6,22,18,2,11,0,0,0,1,21,7,0,7,3,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110488818825328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25832731617616306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449934364429795,0.1221938547202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443508209061508,0.0,0.0,0.12090728224040677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541737177959285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202056893788705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218441122660857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557196263084334,0.0,0.1852153550394045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593071492706106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469740879490837,0.13073307379387256,0.0,0.14007549204816375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957847564585039,0.0,0.4330524627184525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477406472024333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205446912853933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987268115827503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706497428453355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022555691757341,0.0,0.2604337906902078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720183279998828,0.0,0.3208355446755473,0.09178928957371454,0.0,0.0,0.2193718145677412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380353782185163,0.0,0.0,0.14383244836798506,0.1661929535591902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962939159033459,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,friendsuffering,2019/02/04,"I'm Scared for my friend. I can't convince him to seek help and I'm afraid his next attempt might succeed. PLEASE HELP I have a good friend who has been suffering with depression for almost half of his life (12 years). I was introduced through a college friend online, which is where we have most of our interactions. I live a few hours away, and rarely get to see him in person unless I'm travelling for an event because I don't have the money. I've personally talked him down from two attempts (I'm talking knife and pills in hand), but he always insists even after the fact that I'm wasting my energy and his death through suicide is inevitable. He has convinced himself that he is an awful person and deserves his suffering because of his past failures and that no one cares or should care about him. Because of this he tries to actively push anyone who cares away, citing that ""It will hurt you less when I do it if you just stop caring"". He has ended several friendships over this.

​

He was recently discussing his intent to purchase a handgun in one of our shared group chats, which obviously set off alarm bells. I questioned him about it, and while he tried to play dumb initially, he eventually conceded that I knew the real purpose for it. He could easily obtain one without a background check in my state, and there is nothing I can do to stop him on that front besides calling the police. While we were talking I tried to suggest that he seek professional help, but he vehemently refuses to take any sort of medication or talk to any therapists, again citing that he deserved this and ""wanted to suffer"". He even tries to tell himself that he thinks he's just doing it for attention, besides having nearly died on several occasions. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't have any training aside from the countless suicide prevention articles I've read and I'm always afraid that something I say will just make it worse. I know he needs professional help but I can't just drag him kicking and screaming to the doctor. I can't be there to force feed him anti-depression medication. I've considered trying to get his parent's contact information (no idea how I'd do that) and beg them to try and make him seek treatment but he's an adult and they live halfway across the country.

​

The final option I've considered is calling the authorities, but I'm incredibly hesitant to do so for a few reasons. I had a friend in a similar situation whose parents contacted the authorities after a suicide attempt. His experience and the depiction he gave us was horrifying. First, they have to apprehend you because you're a danger to yourself, which means handcuffs and a ride in a cruiser, which in itself is stressful. But his stories about the ""treatment"" at the care facility is what was the most concerning. The facilities tend to be very short staffed because funding for mental health in this country is abysmal. That means your visit with a professional is very brief, that is IF you even get a visit at all. Additionally, the treatment for this kind of thing is apparently to just drug you out of your mind with relaxants until they see fit to release you. Other horror stories on reddit don't help either. I don't want to put him through this. If he was against treatment before, I can only imagine what his opinion would be after. It has been my absolute last resort if I think he is actively attempting something. I have actually driven to check on him in the middle of the night rather than do this.

​

**TLDR;** How do you convince someone who has convinced themselves that they want to suffer to seek help? My friend has literally stated that he doesn't want to go to a therapist or take medication because he doesn't want to get better and tries to convince me to abandon him. I don't know what to do.",6.440324437781108,7.276832754482758,6.669842578710643,75.3149587706147,65.59310344827585,9.449175412293851,34.519490254872565,9.488314112642756,3.2699139430284863,3077,136,542,57,46,990,317,725,0.154,0.73,0.116,-0.9892,3,1,3,1,0,3,83.0,5,9,5,10,21,38,2,5,37,1,64,10,1,6,3,90,104,39,5,14,22,2,1,0,5,5,8,2,0,4,44,24,1,5,13,5,5,10,13,16,0,6,12,5,70,22,94,83,7,62,0,8,2,0,108,28,1,15,21,373,114,7,0.0,0.0,0.056961252014506275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058449689883045185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713797317084806,0.18973345046920415,0.2127798787075395,0.11908195875239785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408140566824558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968213573059499,0.0,0.0,0.2134929302482892,0.0,0.04966905216886112,0.0,0.0,0.051624021879578215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920574748869192,0.0,0.2975634093483621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660414701162991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054896531816526,0.0,0.06057943161600761,0.0,0.0,0.059744747310624964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769132472045745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516989958599779,0.0,0.0,0.11565962430844595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709761363451959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394210153373496,0.0,0.049649973319288165,0.0,0.0,0.2254847711156115,0.0,0.12198484557369968,0.0,0.033173337606446016,0.04895846109056129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204518175026597,0.0,0.0,0.2347473585200276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057483249305572075,0.0,0.062486897772063926,0.06589326372389191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078396181495128,0.06415787271299275,0.04757980161654946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041228856737993896,0.0,0.0,0.10308455772630047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792561164623721,0.0,0.0,0.1271653158108599,0.0,0.17640661197809288,0.05882380126692015,0.06192194592567887,0.05893763172394545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432810348152498,0.0,0.0,0.06207775876342263,0.05477682172757097,0.0,0.05600813199954136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186602177701347,0.044393445451687184,0.0,0.0,0.12962721091679974,0.0,0.05572130967562641,0.0,0.15290077939144936,0.0,0.06407335272666813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867854053195324,0.06538839225425834,0.0,0.058386361549353526,0.0664384826474778,0.0,0.06001466308736458,0.057633891697240335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641861662411119,0.05843911903846834,0.0,0.09302756711341276,0.0,0.0,0.13188424931650364,0.0,0.0,0.06561096141616507,0.0,0.0,0.04945719085163089,0.08987302632317144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976008130807957,0.06686328573315377,0.0,0.0,0.19154377466942651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777480211750535,0.18766419851190164,0.051018447160830295,0.0,0.0,0.135545451250331,0.03877881014648276,0.07480300313075665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774084777002764,0.0,0.05701956106056018,0.0,0.07021260349312733,0.0,0.0,0.09632365943509398,0.17214235973407507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056267142323591736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948459312951029,0.0414647751010884,0.0,0.2127798787075395,0.03758873052141496
suicidewatch,KovuUpende,2019/02/04,"A gate saved my life today Today was unexpected. I’m going through a major transition in life right now, and after work today I just got into my car and drove to the beach. This particular beach is able to be driven on and can take you right to the water—this was my plan.  

As I drive down the hill, I see another car leaving the beach (long road) and think nothing of it. But when I finally get to the end of the road to drive onto the beach, the gate was locked & closed. I sat briefly and started crying. I had every intention to just drive out into the Pacific, but a locked gate prevented me from doing that. 

I’m home now and really taking it one minute at a time, alone with my thoughts. But today, a gate saved my life. ",4.7729654654654645,4.846697993243248,5.732792792792793,83.25064564564569,69.06756756756756,9.010210210210207,25.903903903903903,8.841846274778883,1.6267408408408408,565,14,120,9,9,187,86,148,0.032,0.919,0.048,0.29600000000000004,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,14,0,8,3,0,1,0,22,22,11,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,4,11,0,1,2,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,1,13,2,21,12,1,34,0,0,1,0,1,13,0,0,13,75,17,1,0.15565317642163018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120974823092726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865015162162608,0.0,0.0,0.1632159271285442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097770538907267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786251399912675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114451440167482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705104465027396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132236033236116,0.0,0.0884612871892707,0.0,0.1244900643726501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613282713516102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481423928605635,0.0,0.0,0.32982732515370583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377481630133297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935342076593688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547462067916467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971541054306794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658539243791306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403542912335253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101721194137322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340636347844984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973627045118268,0.0,0.12357123545024952,0.09076261890113947,0.0,0.5901640447979919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331736625533073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imgonnabepettynow,2019/02/04,"Why? Why am I like this? I'm fine..I'm ok. I'm getting better. Those are the words I say to everyone, including you. I dont understand why I still want to die. I'm not going to kill myself but just now when i was driving, to you I think, all I could think about was how easy it would be to just speed up a little and hit my brakes and jerk the wheel real hard... chances are I wouldn't die, just be in a lot of pain.. but goddamnit that all I want to do. I just want to die. I pray for death daily. Every. Single. Day. I just want the pain to end so fucking bad. I cant even cry anymore. That feeling is there. Right there. That lump in my throat. The blurriness in my eyes..but the tears wont fall. Goddamnit!! Fucking shit! I hate who I am. Who I've turned into. I hate how I'm feeling. I hate it!! 

I think if he'll just talk to me I'll be okay. Then you text me and the hurt intensifies, times a thousand! I dont want to hurt anymore. I dont. I want to be okay. I really do but I just cant.....


Just rambling because life sucks. I'm not gonna kill myself but sometimes it's nice to just get it out. ",-2.382376543209876,-0.6844841399176929,0.3759578189300399,103.18739351851852,104.39094650205759,3.4176543209876544,14.305452674897118,5.341637118332708,-1.1802888065843622,826,20,213,6,40,280,121,243,0.251,0.586,0.163,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,4,52.0,0,3,0,1,19,21,10,0,9,3,22,8,2,2,2,44,52,13,6,10,16,0,3,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,9,15,0,1,2,4,33,6,21,39,4,19,1,2,0,2,8,8,4,2,9,130,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004700294772304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843898454791428,0.061611784493192864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938885536914212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069676102614537,0.0,0.1110214610616793,0.06518226539085382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31468641073916176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35536246071406696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951867551965326,0.0,0.0,0.06675627000077419,0.0,0.0851564568957475,0.09657742256806542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220880512028906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687653946047436,0.10561057935054158,0.0,0.05744083024626509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090539529979739,0.2993592905710913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639663335192388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363959603098424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138925209245492,0.04937805787810602,0.10129943288397802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859267281182825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509278498713075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504062837595355,0.06474850357632718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863138590098269,0.0,0.08037550847020973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374766133219564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996154541098796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071522285935571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123683165308725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428614580718487,0.0,0.0,0.05893516079923305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099359410233184,0.0,0.10521820392676658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576848436892332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736018646585903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179775324501471,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bidets4Americans,2019/02/04,"What's the point if you're not rich or famous Yes i've seen all the philosophical debates and I sound disgustingly hedonistic, materialistic and with my priorities twisted. I'll sound pretentious and whiney but hey. I think i've reached such a low point where I actually think like a Jersey Shore idiot. Not proud dudes. It's supposed to be about family, love, friends and passion right? But when your friends are all struggling in a horrible economy with a bad school system and you can barely see them? When your family is being overworked and worry so much in providing and surviving? When you try to talk to strangers online and get nothing in return cause you're nobody? Is it really that irrational to think this would solve it. To be able to financially help people to be with you, to have fun with who you love and being able to show the world why you love them and them liking them too, to have so many people to talk to, to not drown in anxiety thinking about how you're going to survive in the future... I don't have any passions, I don't know why, I feel so numb most of the time. I just do what I have to do. I just feel like i'm not made for this society. It's all work and controlled limited play. So very little free time for our work or else apparently the economy won't function. I was never a fan of anyone, nobody was really to be idolized. But man am I envious, not in a bad way, just in a wishful way. I wonder how people can be so fine with that kind of power imbalance, putting others so high up. When I say id like to be famous I just mean known and aknowledged, listened to, and id love to listen back and interract. It would be so fun. I'm not creative or talented enough to be up there. And it's unfair to want this because if everyone got it, nobody would have it. I accept my place with sadness. I don't inherintly deserve anything, I don't want it to come across like I think I do. I just wanted to talk about wild weird dreams. But really, I just wish I could find something meaningful to strive for... ",3.0712646336175737,4.842424697788697,4.444622777858073,84.51777677410031,74.74938574938575,7.736638242520598,24.747001011706892,8.4952907291091,1.5986936551524795,1600,52,325,30,34,530,194,407,0.149,0.63,0.221,0.9897,4,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,7,4,8,27,33,3,1,13,1,35,7,0,5,4,77,65,37,1,11,21,0,2,5,2,4,1,5,0,1,18,22,0,2,14,3,2,3,12,10,0,0,5,9,36,24,49,45,6,35,0,2,2,6,28,19,0,7,15,212,54,3,0.1864949230185658,0.0,0.09099607132502577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341147141801691,0.0,0.07133405282507556,0.0,0.0,0.06520079319876207,0.0,0.07673471562350526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717015420783433,0.15571547082236384,0.056842787044412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957908291654647,0.0,0.08032443139573674,0.0,0.0,0.10458495707525033,0.07445051040016222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789628883808596,0.0,0.0,0.09634955435675187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910194550429369,0.0,0.0,0.1758108157987998,0.0,0.09429743662364333,0.06661600513395549,0.0,0.0,0.08522649049928398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408551490348512,0.0,0.04871794999155638,0.0,0.05299468126431922,0.0,0.07457851328669507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250180787754284,0.09852106272545123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971028818559386,0.05124636621370809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277799979111098,0.09345845341940842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33663789854436865,0.08823300270937971,0.0,0.0945382902026022,0.0,0.1015738220136692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685476133997565,0.0,0.07191819083961698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947345421610109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939381465805457,0.0,0.09742375056671046,0.0,0.17629798273885516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373945393851632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921013474168246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963282263345395,0.0,0.07415412407123613,0.0,0.0943714092917716,0.07430615403335865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178645152863318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748249296399912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248463322302925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987460408383834,0.0,0.0,0.10874668936456873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330890544067327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076938921409339,0.1649993062697877,0.14803098926800268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828266059458846,0.0,0.2144599576662478,0.0,0.1011228943364194,0.13577052510132898,0.09469732350217226,0.0,0.19872096376746906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatProudGeekyBoy,2019/02/04,"Anyone who's been on medications to help their mental problems, how effective do you find them? I'm looking for as many people to reply with their honest opinions as possible. If they didn't help you at all, say that. If they helped tremendously, tell me that too. As long as you are on meds, please tell me your experiences even if you don't have much to say. You can even just type it does or it doesn't, I just want as many people to give me a good idea of what they're like as possible.",2.8364603960396018,4.268942485148518,3.820878712871288,90.15527846534651,74.64356435643565,7.4262376237623755,21.53589108910891,8.07648339933343,0.7567910891089107,385,9,86,6,8,124,66,101,0.037000000000000005,0.782,0.182,0.939,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,5,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,2,1,15,12,11,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,15,3,16,10,2,4,0,0,1,0,20,3,0,5,2,58,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583665592540765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497435267187736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188400303636636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620519292214043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141459438384602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892073859108474,0.0,0.13895174537802324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331248007254761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701535544903694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093543636588849,0.0,0.0,0.14660810428888602,0.13911667927081187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359161401791993,0.0,0.0,0.18401620800684085,0.1668898224097801,0.1669511188411176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178266426437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970217849730584,0.0,0.0,0.18185016430814024,0.0,0.37352426299391145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158518807054738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634865416224065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895966140096072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771337090966173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpnAgem,2019/02/04,"I can't continue anymore I don't see the point in continuing my life anymore.  I've struggled with thoughts of ending it all for a few years now but could never bring myself to it.  I've toyed with the thought of things getting better, or maybe finding my purpose in life, but its not possible.  No matter what I do my plans always go to shit.  And now here I am typing this post in a library at a university I can't even afford to attend, for what?  A degree in something I don't care about?  The hope of one day landing a successful job where I will work until I retire at an old age?  I don't see the point in any of it.  I feel like my life has no meaning and I'm just a burden to those around me. 
I'm not sad or angry, just exhausted.  There's nothing left that I feel passionate enough about to keep me here.  I don't want to be here anymore and I have decided to end my life tonight.  I don't plan on leaving a note so I guess in a way typing this will help let off some of the feelings that have been building up inside of me.  Thank you to whoever is reading this.  No one will probably care, but I will leave an update if my attempt fails.",2.201933449325793,3.4275824338843,3.907946933449328,89.73024575902569,75.90082644628099,6.747629404088732,25.133536320139193,7.273561745256523,0.9865834710743804,887,30,198,10,19,298,136,242,0.121,0.723,0.156,0.9154,2,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,0,7,14,14,1,1,15,0,21,7,1,0,2,33,41,11,0,4,10,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,13,6,0,1,8,2,0,3,13,6,0,2,3,5,27,8,33,31,4,36,0,2,2,1,2,17,1,6,15,141,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901509064470712,0.0,0.0,0.08092208470851986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35403933871747656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593261659503496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052432337014172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426508767882617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500947343547513,0.0,0.0,0.07674326247257847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079215858509592,0.12295577795203047,0.0,0.07859643907188574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805054744105807,0.08501152693424956,0.0,0.0,0.10876116149598418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062171054982364436,0.0,0.06762877426549968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310886828242032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976122424538322,0.0,0.0,0.11819093550416512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808622535512725,0.10577005885921367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520014197977588,0.12929065918384333,0.12168256114797353,0.3362045843727969,0.05813595513139964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954854597475545,0.12962268885031514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917778723796248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418089313067127,0.0,0.12486740214129367,0.0,0.16127098167560006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498137914335387,0.1341513110260771,0.11396629433783215,0.0,0.1282989624459216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902926718588044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896505082310175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214877707595086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160975422301246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440156925595483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109556509590958,0.0,0.0,0.07905636233514086,0.0,0.0,0.1889407548432652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701875519798409,0.09445433125233993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663128048822022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766302083172213
suicidewatch,mentallyillnigga,2019/02/04,"sick of this shit nothing helps at all, i’ve tried everything in the fuckin book nothing changes. life is the same every damn day. i aint got shit to live for. i deserve to die i’m allowed to kill myself bruh i deserve this",0.9074468085106382,3.0697784680851115,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,83.46808510638297,4.611063829787233,24.293617021276606,5.6839178017228535,0.3266800000000001,176,7,39,1,5,56,36,47,0.414,0.586,0.0,-0.975,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,0,2,5,2,1,1,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,7,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381052722000103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082919730344916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588166302495752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011305031553207,0.0,0.2241262848290856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945162997210672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671538745946461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759015546579769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614417113729447,0.0,0.0,0.22020673642668293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47857286224073103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119691067536416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931236391574658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckingupconstantly,2019/02/04,I thought I was okay but I'm not I can't do this. I can't cope with my mistakes. I don't know if I can be okay. I don't know if it's worth it to continue. I fucked up with an amazing guy. I hate myself so much.,-3.6031536388140175,-2.17994554716981,0.2760646900269563,106.56886792452832,98.81132075471695,3.783288409703504,15.118598382749324,5.288315135182226,-1.2883024258760107,158,4,49,1,7,58,33,53,0.254,0.546,0.2,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,8,1,0,0,0,10,14,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,11,3,4,11,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405857831918539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43468909352463575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334316584508194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825370212485655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227229911841918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485250403907519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CyanideIsFun,2019/02/04,"I'm at wits end I dont know how to post this without making it too long, or without sounding like a whiny bitch. This is my first post here, so I'm very sorry about everything.

I wanna start off by saying Ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since 2015, and have been on and off with therapy and medicine. I've been feeling suicidal since 2012, when I was diagnosed with cancer, having attempted suicide on 3 seperate occasions since, with me pussying out each time.

I dont wanna get into the cancer too much, but basically, I had a hemangioma in my T7 vertebrae of my spine. It eventually grew to be cancerous, and I had most of my vertebrae removed and replaced via a bone grafting, following two surgeries. I refused any chemo treatments. Following the surgeries and PT, I noticed that I've been having worse and worse back pain. To the point where I lay in bed, wanting to kill myself.

Today has been a shitshow, as I just got word that my family is about to get sued for 25k by some scumbag Arabs that my sister got into a fender bender with. The man we hit has a ""pre-existing heart condition"" (which has to be made up, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt). He calls for an ambulance. Once he arrived at the hospital, he is discharged with nothing wrong with him.

Here's the kicker. We are also Arabs, and Muslims, as they are as well. In Islam, suing is a big no-no. We very kindly approached him at his house (we're neighbors), with offerings of food and gifts and wishes to get well soon. He kicked us out of his home.

We all know there was nothing wrong with him. As my sister is a nurse, she knows the symptoms of a real heart attack. This man was doing the ""Hollywood chest-grab"" when he claimed he felt a heart attack coming. Normally, you'd feel it in your extremeties, mainly your arms. I shouldn't wish harm unto a fellow Muslim, but I can't help but to think of burning his restaurant down. I would, but he'd only laugh his way to the insurance office, and later to the bank.

We get in contact with our insurance to see whats going to happen. They go back and forth for nearly a year. Today, I woke up to a letter from our insurance. We're officially being sued for 25k, and insurance says they will only cover 10k. We're much too poor to afford 15k. My dad is retired, but under the age of 65, so he cant touch his retirement, so we have no income currently.

I'm a struggling college student. This morning, upon receiving news of the impending doom, I freaked out. I skipped class. I skipped half of last week as well. I don't feel good doing it, but I truly, honestly, feel like I'm better off just killing myself.

I'm trying to let my professors know of my mental state, and possibly hoping for mental health resources on campus, but I'm terrified of how they might react, if at all. I don't want their sympathy, I don't want a free A. I dont even want help. I just want to feel normal again.

I don't know what to do. I wandered away from the house with a knife, much too dull to harm myself, but I wish it werent. I dont get why I should continue on. I know that Hell waits for me, assuming the Abrahamic religions are right about it even existing. Hell honestly sounds nicer than this. At least there, I'll know my fate, and I'll know that nothing can get worse. Here, it seems a new, horrid surprise unveils itself daily. I just wanna fade away. I want to kill these assholes that are making life harder for my family. I want to do a lot of things, but I'm too much of a pussy to do anything besides crying in wails of agony and despair.

I wish this were goodbye.",3.907133061924149,5.06805776880223,5.013384401114205,83.71211431326336,71.59052924791087,8.14146132419113,27.178165845296768,8.560254945171566,1.8840221984144,2810,96,560,47,52,926,337,718,0.21,0.708,0.08199999999999999,-0.9985,4,0,0,0,0,3,108.0,9,3,5,3,35,35,8,2,37,0,56,16,6,6,2,114,114,42,5,21,18,3,7,2,2,5,9,4,3,2,25,41,1,2,17,0,3,9,14,20,3,3,17,12,80,16,104,85,12,70,4,4,1,0,53,35,3,10,24,376,105,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819910733079635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040986695774470165,0.0,0.04610754262785708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049598319898116784,0.0,0.0,0.13713509468703478,0.11325414133717847,0.09269014662512412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330525551311333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154395373668151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051918571817574144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620542711832214,0.0,0.0,0.05191176600272046,0.12234863438587372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825510583678605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338267116258294,0.0,0.0,0.07961753206926206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416814973483985,0.0,0.1136372372359022,0.0,0.15237544015212345,0.04305798107312495,0.05787010450773964,0.0,0.0,0.0512669183384737,0.07288055300289834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889362681931804,0.0,0.06850737981861496,0.05055288570985143,0.09640927002761693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329790007331213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406580010891832,0.0,0.2142661000151955,0.08079744965840267,0.0,0.060457241978726026,0.05986321205463474,0.0,0.13909046804980718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004449816564648,0.0627635061677952,0.2649891793492184,0.04912932758996681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061631705767279374,0.04257155221379015,0.058891233835898726,0.0,0.0,0.053338392548369085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124068519320192,0.0,0.05703036309436335,0.08046340615436476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147901858945198,0.06393855087728527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772259885257006,0.0,0.0,0.05821060302443797,0.0,0.0,0.11810657216474575,0.1734964273422157,0.06861951725546181,0.0,0.06418719450894234,0.0,0.09167840345448802,0.06413313950278067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697606144901081,0.06794707517209139,0.1154468981216608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860217713545347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051471542955118375,0.0,0.09586065283659427,0.0,0.0,0.04802859264153367,0.054868921977843266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957165564380512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746902452629172,0.042660487258961065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300887194548108,0.0,0.13185450595741674,0.0,0.0,0.06264517976536388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892572805902382,0.0,0.040041715234327736,0.038619552001725774,0.0,0.0,0.035144804037775305,0.0,0.11426069430168173,0.0,0.0,0.04092040113698285,0.0,0.05887651060331452,0.0,0.07249920934429614,0.0,0.0,0.09946062106751427,0.24884790046625802,0.047840721770395625,0.04834617236766255,0.0,0.16257398605449866,0.0,0.05438566602910503,0.0,0.27723706276195226,0.1161991758622847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842654632716524,0.042815153703312285,0.13179487620778985,0.0,0.03881287842182274
suicidewatch,carter_1019,2019/02/04,Why shouldn't i kill myself? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of everything. Nothing is getting better. We're all gonna die. I just wanna be free. So what's stopping me from killing myself tonight?,-0.5571071428571415,1.5118520750000002,1.0935714285714295,97.4,103.25,3.2857142857142865,20.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-0.10632142857142846,153,6,32,1,7,49,33,40,0.377,0.482,0.141,-0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,7,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425232132717574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26315419973012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278824705576653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324741069692821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610509089025979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24329668934734006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198666918904385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828575177464067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879754982041176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwantout11,2019/02/04,"I cant take this anymore I'm not even sure why I'm writing here. Or what I'm going to say.

​

I cant take it any more, I dont get it how people can go around smiling and laughing all the time. My life have been a living hell for most of my life and at this time there just isnt any fight left in me. I dont want to live any more. I just want everything to be over. I want it to be quiet. I want my feelings to go away. I just want to end it all. I dont have anything to fight for any more.

​

For most of my life I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD. Making my life very difficult. At least in my teens I had one family member that made my life better. My grandfather. He got cancer, and died after fighting it for 12 years. While he was alive I wanted to take my life more then once. But I just couldn't disappoint him that way and make his fight even worse. He died 2 years ago. And after he went away I cant find anything in my life that is worth fighting for. And I cant really disappoint him any more since he isnt here any more.

​

I have huge money problems, I cant tell you how much. Because I dont know, I lost control 3-4 years ago.

​

I dont have any friends left. I've never been good in social settings. I have lost all my friends, some from my ADHD when I lost my head and scared people away. And the rest from bad behaviour from me in general. Most of my life I've used on internet with games. And the people there doesn't really care about you. And either should they in that way, its a game you are supposed to have fun. 

​

I've had some poor relationships, they have all ended badly. And usually I've just found a new rebound relationship. In short. Its all just a mess.

​

This year I've had knee surgery. That didnt go well either, I went into a deep depression. And failed to keep in touch with my job, so I lost that. And I lost my rights to welfare also because of that. So I cant work and I dont have any income.

​

I tried to start school last autumn. That didn't work out, I could not focus and dropped out.

​

I have found the method I want to end everything with. All I have to do is go trough with it. And at the moment there isn't really anything stopping me. I dont have anything to fight for any more. And I dont want to live. If I dont go trough with it, I know I have to work with my self for the rest of my life. And that the fight just have started. I just cant see why I shouldn't do it. Because I cant take this any more. 

​

Like I said, I dont know why I'm writhing this or what I want from it. But I needed to tell someone.

​

\-iwantout",0.5070628431606607,2.50244035739437,2.1043650035808064,97.1222773931726,83.80633802816901,5.1184530914299335,18.958104559560763,6.284505531432783,-0.23983519933158304,2065,53,486,18,59,671,202,568,0.136,0.775,0.08800000000000001,-0.9768,2,0,1,0,9,0,106.0,0,3,2,11,24,33,8,1,12,0,56,12,2,7,8,92,105,31,2,16,17,0,2,1,2,2,10,3,0,1,27,29,0,3,7,2,3,8,29,23,1,1,21,6,72,10,64,78,25,63,1,9,1,0,33,26,1,8,26,307,99,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133224334037986,0.0,0.05998983711033766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027059851358947142,0.0,0.36662937211313146,0.4111628873871958,0.2301067295167321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03355772598872416,0.0,0.0,0.11138157849151817,0.030122565479664413,0.0,0.0,0.09537438762100636,0.0,0.0565058291896246,0.06188111171801047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029926535380332988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03449960531369984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795165431596647,0.02701650517790262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02914420514415889,0.0,0.07023600399852177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965731973142945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990999378198536,0.0,0.0,0.04469872374553047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608219596331574,0.0,0.031899001026520886,0.0,0.017109266082345437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030926878935988555,0.0,0.0,0.07420218511236236,0.052285565787636136,0.0,0.01767870685008515,0.0,0.11538384946591256,0.02838130514920101,0.02706295470025262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03472705615621564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033578515945701146,0.030076341226937583,0.0,0.0,0.05578864580188244,0.02758209385135427,0.0,0.0,0.07352912582274179,0.0,0.21510396041295454,0.016531302364247425,0.0,0.11951659524545807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846882433606956,0.0,0.0,0.03201787820859128,0.04517361276897592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024874469528732117,0.025090091250879114,0.026097580322292417,0.03268048627011668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036035852918172934,0.022929178291064268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037602446409465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032377935395257004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503154252614418,0.0,0.0,0.07265766316889859,0.0,0.028897055956288262,0.032187228854438164,0.026908952889180174,0.03387725907097619,0.03424537527108155,0.026964121325726856,0.0,0.03529991153580493,0.0,0.0,0.02799074501148804,0.0,0.0,0.03449308890211398,0.02867041966016821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790073958030175,0.0,0.0,0.028289680651239144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03189146078240398,0.0,0.10176641127259314,0.0,0.05915096532268524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946185836076198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022973453942117902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02922475171393346,0.037267246153759134,0.02791949655503128,0.17962420626380335,0.053717294435637976,0.0,0.0,0.03042399289869168,0.0627354373981206,0.09159929220502068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739023495210038,0.0,0.03448332222211485,0.0,0.0,0.4111628873871958,0.08716101015724413
suicidewatch,RobbyRR,2019/02/04,"I'm drunk and suicidal in a park I'm 17 and don't know why shouldn't I end it all, I have nothing, the mother of my child left me, and she's moving on just fine, I haven't been sober in days, my grades are slipping, I can't even go to school for a full week. My best friend wants nothing to do with me. I officially lost everything, the only things keeping me alive are killing me slowly, I can't go a day without hurting myself, I am weak, no matter what people keep saying I am alone and I am living on a timer. The only positive is I made it past the day I thought I was gonna end myself. I can't help but think I'm never gonna get better, the tough times just get tougher.",3.411804623415364,3.0901785771812063,4.884116331096198,89.53312453392994,71.9530201342282,7.696047725577928,25.280387770320647,6.937597516519254,0.7789278150633856,524,13,126,4,9,177,91,149,0.145,0.746,0.109,-0.6006,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,3,9,1,0,9,0,16,2,0,1,2,20,33,5,2,2,4,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,4,5,1,2,3,1,0,3,9,5,0,0,5,1,23,4,10,25,3,18,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,9,75,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191934035736472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406741140732972,0.1382685308084461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024758298942544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27693867860608795,0.0,0.0,0.1032599795258747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050679259206836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207865907641254,0.0,0.16336062906639656,0.0,0.1777013291818069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479027395890092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673633946978219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779213471048905,0.17296517695690986,0.0,0.08591944676950926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986203163733474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804959229157288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066173375925198,0.0,0.0,0.1479310893574082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661628822107531,0.0,0.0,0.12057774289469501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000216505008723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378046597937724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924260727967645,0.10838529956911827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432649935233613,0.0,0.15822271658041992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100873679069534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386422657965996,0.10017527660936497,0.0,0.1241151552608806,0.09116212600572744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221238603164812,0.0,0.12540516238298705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107100822419388,0.0,0.0,0.1507045522338588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,C137TERA,2019/02/04,"Decades to Decisions... I have been depressed, i guess for as long as i can remember. At this point, several decades and a few attempts and failures later, i know now that i cannot control this and i am scared. I have no one. My wife has decided upon a path that doesn't mean support, comfort or even understanding not of the issues but of the disease itself. 

​

I tried professional help several times and for long periods of time. To no avail. I have worked hard all my life and taken care of everyone. I was that guy. Took in my ex-wifes family (all of whom are addicts, one in prison currently), taken in my own parents and took care of them for years before they passed. Currently have my current wifes mother (an alcoholic) and to state it has been rough is putting it mildly. But i was always there. 

​

Now in my time, i have been left alone to fend for myself and after this long i cannot in good conscience go on. I lost the only person who ever listened, and the only person who stood by me, never judged, never offered fixes, just, sat, listened. Not even my own wife can do that without some sort of condescending words or tell me to get help. Ever be told, even though you are trying that you need help? To be told that? Even when you are? So much for lending an ear my love. I am not bashing her at all. I love her very much and wanted nothing but a happy life with her. But life has it's sharp edges and we must dance that dance together also, marriage. To me i thought i understood that is what it is all about. I guess, in todays world there is only room for one. But when that is all you ever felt you had...then whats the point.

​

So i rambled and i do apologize. I have done some research and have found Exit Bags to be the most efficient, and most effective, and least painless way to go. I hope the rest of you can find away. To heal, to cope. To live. It's important.",2.392360902255639,4.436417273684214,3.4563909774436112,89.61973684210527,77.57894736842105,6.448120300751881,23.48872180451128,7.447530270364453,0.9638406015037596,1484,48,306,20,35,477,190,380,0.084,0.797,0.119,0.9724,4,1,1,0,0,0,72.0,1,6,2,5,19,12,0,1,12,0,38,9,1,2,11,64,69,30,0,4,12,5,4,0,0,1,6,3,1,3,23,17,1,1,12,2,0,8,11,3,0,3,19,7,47,9,44,46,16,50,0,2,0,2,36,17,0,10,23,230,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862769674170267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845792250504847,0.0,0.08196772438673207,0.0,0.06329019971379665,0.06585286985876594,0.2572524794114774,0.2885002683028345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435694995812435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734440758263377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138203284174873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876500278085593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816528810915996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809902181520209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909140373907206,0.21476666851743667,0.0,0.07562401574422954,0.0,0.0,0.07460847137918881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598917645126045,0.0,0.0723347781338029,0.0,0.0,0.08677562660388995,0.0,0.0,0.041348670854897435,0.0,0.08995697204165265,0.0663809437533077,0.0,0.0,0.17436869296934304,0.07836348193026034,0.0,0.08424862437164905,0.0708961024077584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591425757166999,0.0,0.0,0.07860632398115812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260417035783069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349462835458807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598851849501211,0.0,0.16770198812471973,0.0,0.0,0.06988424549953214,0.21011577000569653,0.0,0.0,0.08639334822675465,0.0,0.14285832702944126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620934449510008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635763429481445,0.058683134103043585,0.12207909413357565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759393285077369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088694509789486,0.18057423006574708,0.0,0.0,0.08787834017954005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820829345985405,0.0,0.0,0.14963041880692296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795600354221248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965298359307335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923541278615273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881691419246507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980993004858237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917400171340538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777570688630296,0.06283027596448328,0.13844582127967153,0.0,0.07501780180449476,0.15124803148845908,0.1758603786389538,0.10746507575560636,0.0,0.0,0.08239009593292297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530082111084219,0.046680275664433855,0.06281960399224873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629051090541296,0.0,0.05761665623434922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885002683028345,0.050965151904689504
suicidewatch,ecinahs96,2019/02/04,What is the meaning of life to you? My life has no purpose so I would love to know how others feel. ,0.34090909090908994,1.8216558181818208,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,81.72727272727272,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.6807999999999996,76,2,19,0,2,25,20,22,0.086,0.74,0.174,0.507,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248007942395796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443380061902013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6280617624544655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012647091667741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484294731229149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31582781806521165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zockop,2019/02/04,I hate myself and I want to die I just want to go and do a Travis bickle and kill some criminals and then seppuku myself. I just want to sleep.,0.6015053763440861,2.389570870967745,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,82.2258064516129,5.423655913978496,16.78494623655914,6.42735559955562,-0.428879569892473,111,2,26,1,3,37,19,31,0.411,0.488,0.1,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,6,5,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732528999882908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20439353974765173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35507323967895743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397891956510151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35990296735965416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6363806982097159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleVignette,2019/02/04,I know I should reach out to someone but I don't want to lay this down on anyone again I don't really have much of an appetite and I feel really down. I'm still getting over a cold but why do I want to kill myself,-0.4775510204081641,1.2195779795918398,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,85.53061224489795,5.5526530612244915,15.922448979591836,6.742157984588678,-0.4554195918367343,167,3,42,2,5,58,34,49,0.204,0.773,0.023,-0.8468,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,11,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,9,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242893312086965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564369679525824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814895747581324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843199746876089,0.0,0.1909087146244324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553612623019409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450758040551464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943304799601938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774148492194071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097826220175616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31345272651838113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Honneky,2019/02/04,"I'm tired of trying hello reddit,i never thougth I would get to the point to post this kind of things on internet,but this is a cry for help,as the ones I have made in real life keep being unanswered. I'm a 17 year old,female,living with my grandparents,people very set in their ways,my grandpa is an alcoholic who refuses to admit it and my grandmother is a docile person that complies with everything he says and    pours all her stress on me,yelling and being an absolute hell.I've suffered from depression all my life and even though im supposedly being treated about it they just keep guiltriping me because of the medical fees,the ""stress"" i give them etc.I have been able to live with this before though barely,but recently it s gotten to the point to where they defended someone for beating me up. my uncle came here yesterday,he has always been very unstable and long story short,he started beating me up,and trying to kill me. I called the emergency number and I made all the required stuff,and now my grandparents are mad at me because ""I should have kept my mouth shut"" the abuse in thus house is increasing a lot and really fast,and even though im just 5 months away from being able to move away,i don't think I will be alive to do it.
what should I do?",13.160000000000005,6.779321269841273,11.913253968253972,65.75535714285716,58.523809523809526,15.615873015873015,44.198412698412696,11.93303328291395,4.915450793650794,1008,32,199,19,8,325,148,252,0.159,0.8170000000000001,0.023,-0.9877,2,0,1,0,2,1,27.0,0,0,4,3,11,8,2,2,13,0,23,6,1,3,4,32,37,10,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,11,11,1,5,2,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,7,1,24,2,28,21,5,24,0,2,0,0,15,12,0,1,7,122,35,1,0.22338715177332436,0.1323386231570051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936646443736125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092938002723513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098795825464054,0.0,0.0,0.13617473431643798,0.0,0.09504300645896673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405162907071315,0.12774769530621088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226901483852272,0.0,0.0,0.09620151324498212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456786197701443,0.14754510693187575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038298396358317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835528341844254,0.10714665561939894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486584951729691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887939030665094,0.0,0.0,0.24129645734289484,0.0,0.0,0.1985567645157572,0.12357239293855987,0.11631167141542145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778495164043374,0.0,0.0,0.09862747382909394,0.0988452998678388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949578840187684,0.0,0.21137432428328548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251952694565752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915274665386214,0.11871259483327193,0.0,0.0,0.08614497141433212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720361901123898,0.0,0.07568645767326644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743426198705455,0.0975265222421751,0.0,0.0,0.2111730635342548,0.0,0.10697157074333616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713174219472867,0.07155376479046342,0.0,0.11028393137468244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882321459694684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946376043894152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790572878962596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25588922760994115,0.0,0.1278624219363233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742042487682872,0.07156873343924762,0.3292151136281575,0.0,0.0,0.1283753346929461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166521253633086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431779520810745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934391166463667,0.0,0.0,0.07192700085327834
suicidewatch,NoBorkToday,2019/02/04,"Want to kill myself over minor inconveniences. I don’t understand why every time I make a mistake or feel even a little bad, my first thoughts are to kill myself? Example: I tried to initiate sex with my fiancé and he rejected my advances. Now I can’t get the idea out of my head that he doesn’t love me, I am an inconvenience in his life, I am disgusting, and I should kill myself. I know this isn’t true, logically. But I can’t stop indulging the thoughts. I hate myself so much.",3.804447717231227,4.916648237113408,5.2637702503681885,82.00505154639177,71.78350515463919,8.841826215022092,27.259204712812963,9.23628265651192,2.146553460972018,377,13,78,8,7,127,67,97,0.316,0.608,0.075,-0.9809,0,1,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,5,0,5,0,9,4,1,1,1,19,19,5,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,2,1,20,2,8,16,1,9,0,1,0,2,4,4,0,1,4,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984113833134447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644173155069408,0.0,0.16129316186323003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679583879526912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283543982110596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001745546148393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900350511473646,0.1964686570045149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161080432153976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6353870078075237,0.0,0.10520826823030896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521697135826086,0.0,0.1918692536117575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277854481841104,0.0,0.12778507617862353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072755260411027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004914265215536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30395774267874165,0.1116279231986328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299725384858204,0.0,0.0,0.199291720388214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291396544719445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274129467553934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eIusiveghost,2019/02/04,I’ve fallen out of belief and don’t have any secular reasons to live I was raised a Southern Baptist my whole life but everything about that line of thinking shattered for me recently. I want to find meaning in other things but it’s like I’m hardwired to look at everything as earthly decaying nothingness.,3.786264367816091,6.584004982758621,4.659310344827587,78.87505747126437,76.75862068965517,8.004597701149425,33.804597701149426,8.841846274778883,3.562128735632184,251,14,41,6,6,81,50,58,0.157,0.765,0.078,-0.6956,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,10,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,11,7,1,6,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929913240295639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101159163979255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593848222732859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045383196882705,0.13864861483667226,0.0,0.2505974728375907,0.0,0.2383175497365333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091375418169461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29179002625833433,0.2802147659685586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854175711087967,0.18184531183614305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739050453005927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168486117053413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,claudiugh77,2019/02/04,so tired of it all.. 7 years of ongoing sadness fucking sucks.. everyone left me cause i guess im just really difficult to be around..since my boyfriend broke up with me everythings been downhill recently got back to snorting my oxys again and while I was high I tried to kill myself last night.. i tried to reach out and tell an old friend but all i got was ‘oh ok’ .. i’m just so tired of living on this planet. I wish someone cared enough about me. ,3.3152380952380938,4.7640503333333335,3.846507936507937,90.385,73.44444444444444,7.80952380952381,25.079365079365076,8.418075326091056,1.388603174603174,350,11,76,6,7,110,67,90,0.155,0.737,0.108,-0.5548,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,2,12,12,6,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,5,1,12,3,12,6,3,13,0,2,0,1,2,5,2,1,8,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731793335999986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588648369640308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801774358611966,0.18153973496742132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259861319229487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886317524186162,0.15882420438015524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653314422740978,0.16337444607856688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826776561865719,0.0,0.19467659094672765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671398683680396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088752069343934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551408233629208,0.0,0.0,0.14405008117140478,0.0,0.0,0.19200639009333825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604666689937366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583939714081564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854375194374369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132111172085989,0.0,0.1744893104876612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618430031753996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973396514139878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446074184975978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406226425826115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399620509584428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321884785339908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380164478988765
suicidewatch,Monachoopsis,2019/02/04,"Nothing to live for, can't take it (anymore) Hi there that'll be probably a long post sorry about that;

I guess i need to start over, first of all i'm studying a major that i don't like that much but can't drop it out cuz i'm in my senior year and gonna graduate this year (around next january i think) so that would be not the smartest move. (i'm a 24M) all my life wanted to make my life better by changing the traits that i don't like such as beeing an introvert. Which is i don't like to be one but i always felt uncomfortable around people, mostly i am a silent type cuz probably i am boring af, and lotta rejection humiliation etc fears. 

Anyways when i talk/communicate with someone it's difficult for me to 'what should i say, what subject i should talk about etc' that thinking phase literally fries my brain(i'm not sure if i ever had one) even if i knew that subject i gotta hear a word that trigger me to talk about and explain it properly, or the subject not interesting to that person and i feel that i'm boring that person, so while all the people around me enjoyed partied got laid etc, i left alone, i was like 'alright i used to it'  went to movies, concerts drinking etc all by myself but i'm tired of it. 
I tried different approaches to overcome this situation and gain some self confidence but all useless, also screwed up almost everything i do(eg: accidently say something to a person which should't be said to that person) and i'm not so lucky person either and i can't blame anyone or anything but myself, even i hate my appearance, i don't have any control in my life, i don't have control so i can't change anything or make my wishes come true and whatever i do it's all gonna be fucked up so what's the point then? feel like powerless, lost, and complete retard. 

While i was in high school i convinced myself  'all of these gonna be alright when you go to the college, give yourself some time' but when i looked back, nothing is changed and that time is almost up. 
That's why, since couple of months i cannot feel any emotions, it's like i'm in catatonic state, i can't cry or laugh, all my laughts are fake, what used to make me laugh or happy isn't working anymore (expect being drunk or stoned) since i'm still a student i cannot afford to go to a shrink or psychiatrist (i don't wanna use antidepressants either i'd rather use real drugs, i trust street dealers more that the FDA) i've decided to go to school counseling department, they're present in campus grounds for that kinda situations, but they were so useless that i felt even worse, any bartender would've been more helpful than those asholes, after that i asked my friends for some advice but all i got is generic, typical evasive useless ones like 'let it go, sometimes happens all of us, find some new hobby etc' (thank you for these magical words and support why don't you shove it up to your asses) i can't explain and express myself easily and what i get is nothing, or some say 'nah you are not retarded in fact you are one of the smartest people i ever known' where is all that smartness then ? all i see is an awkward, sometimes over emotional useless fucking imbecile. I can't take it anymore and i decided to end my life there is no point of living when i don't have control what i do, i decided the way and time that is special and important to me. 
I think this is my last resort and i'm completely lost

Sorry for the wasting your time. ",4.463729879740981,5.345330576811598,5.270314523589271,83.42524051803886,70.04347826086956,8.133209990749307,29.89824236817761,8.332992426153591,2.064203515263645,2718,105,545,39,47,885,295,690,0.198,0.6920000000000001,0.109,-0.9967,3,1,3,0,0,4,64.0,1,7,1,9,30,42,4,2,20,2,55,12,1,13,17,119,117,53,0,11,26,0,5,7,1,8,6,6,0,6,46,23,2,3,16,3,0,10,24,17,0,5,14,13,77,25,60,87,30,66,0,7,2,4,30,23,4,23,36,362,123,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552868160519344,0.0,0.0,0.1138039543284841,0.05885350871237732,0.0,0.04544289045636803,0.04728290896160682,0.0,0.0,0.11592873993276236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906523755528946,0.03973332494957945,0.0,0.0935241809555223,0.15175875416306311,0.05312365565894662,0.0,0.0,0.04369487748561394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502570487541661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343543520582216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033978107633905,0.04894966115377882,0.11915975386256597,0.0,0.1912020336151818,0.0,0.0628757242325301,0.062419537181608274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059369976179175964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055666815643397545,0.06589889905605928,0.0,0.0,0.12784083634209506,0.050330037468548534,0.0,0.3168741905786105,0.11259702685151575,0.10280283767208563,0.0,0.0,0.05107059924845704,0.0,0.0,0.06394386487592274,0.08619720345712141,0.04059575426883859,0.10912172301429766,0.0,0.05193697308247764,0.048335271815340766,0.0,0.0,0.04390281393306995,0.1050674976862615,0.029688690013185668,0.054511668152202986,0.12917971012135265,0.0,0.0908962040889112,0.0,0.0625990868211671,0.0,0.050250113927700325,0.060491213896200886,0.0,0.05610287173240301,0.0,0.0,0.06404584640756926,0.0,0.038088564885461335,0.060038677562017424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631991701720577,0.0,0.0,0.061740472366093674,0.058107359428876536,0.16054856539409312,0.1943325950805134,0.0,0.10035494048753613,0.05028829088180223,0.04771864466575275,0.0,0.12406228696957157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379328230678977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535713142289509,0.060395926850250935,0.0417728752076345,0.042134978981582236,0.0,0.05488188896287916,0.060433976957476515,0.0,0.0,0.16357521080574045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402422186489154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818579222975313,0.2480867641538113,0.0,0.0,0.10743588678076513,0.0,0.05442259240264058,0.0,0.12253381018388032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467923148947789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405353841467636,0.13556843851999942,0.0,0.11501976241021918,0.04528212647598587,0.0,0.059280813917356276,0.0,0.0,0.09401236854382128,0.12774724504772972,0.0,0.0,0.04814759411175926,0.043746621254579635,0.11240265334007317,0.12722175411689834,0.04022099073369335,0.0,0.045380476947536434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644842776851301,0.05355684107810743,0.0,0.08545057802154317,0.13702122234913142,0.0,0.05231677752766446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923339673349736,0.0,0.0,0.13254033681895214,0.06531191854058101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03858040966477429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835341587957391,0.1963140407734309,0.0,0.0,0.03351682666644375,0.04510499880931613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052677296183160784,0.10255135418983713,0.0,0.06534588590547903,0.0,0.0,0.04136923899055084,0.0,0.0579094767936736,0.08073362546982397,0.0,0.0,0.07318680698023125
suicidewatch,throwaway3574906709,2019/02/04,"I'm convinced I'm destined to fail No matter how much work I put in, no matter how much I try to subvert the negativity and distractions, I always fall short. In my game development, my music and art, it never feels good enough. I'm lucky if I can finish something these days. It's getting to the point where seeing people succeed in their chosen paths makes me sick to my stomach because I know I'll never have the motivation to do the same. I feel like I'd be better off just giving up on everything and hanging myself or overdosing. The only thing keeping me from doing it at this point is nerves, which sounds pathetic when I type it out, but I don't know what else to do at this point.",8.688369304556353,6.060741446043168,8.895359712230213,72.54961031175063,62.59712230215827,11.2810551558753,35.3968824940048,9.2995712137729,3.041991846522781,547,17,107,7,6,182,94,139,0.131,0.772,0.097,-0.5677,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,5,5,8,0,1,5,0,8,2,1,4,2,23,20,9,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,5,2,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,4,15,6,16,19,4,22,0,1,1,0,3,14,0,3,6,74,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565212828840045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146691530213233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636661994196214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131437558355622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571404557906127,0.0,0.0,0.19436629283216605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905972766003274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022654855517027,0.13438470003954014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827889083098912,0.18045074676471407,0.0,0.15777642641242626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719941572103952,0.0,0.0,0.20675894743004594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919002772163802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255638377685463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765626802936951,0.0,0.2901616355989513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306493757117966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041070036168895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334698053484955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891009281338126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989806429828836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481505962688074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497088244094234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771327626699613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369451774634627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,louism93,2019/02/04,"I dont know what is wrong with me. well here I am I guess. I'm 25  This is my first time reaching out, Im to the point where I feel like im going crazy my mind is constantly trying to solve a problem..It doesnt matter what it is but there always seems to be a problem. whether its how can I make money or how can I move out of my grandparents house, or where direction do I need to take in life. I just feel so lost. Ive lost my motivation for my art I paint and have a bachelors degree in graphic design..but I havent touched a brush since November, we're in February, I know It would be a good idea to channel that into my art but I just want to lay and do nothing. I dont have a job and Im often by myself my grandparents arent supportive people as they have very old ways of thinking and they are the most negative people I have ever come across. Im at a point that I honestly want to leave and would rather live on the streets than be around them because its beginning to become very unbearable for me I feel trapped. I apologize I dont want to sound like im whining but maybe someone can give me advice..Ive attempted to end my life twice..the first time I decided to not go through with it, the second time I also stopped myself but I was less hesitant. I'm afraid that if I dont do anything about my mental health that eventually I will end my life without hesitation..I do think about it everyday and wonder ""is today going to be the day?"" or ""how long can I take much more of this""  again I apologize. ",1.4700851293103447,3.218173846875004,3.426573275862072,90.14937500000003,79.28125,7.038793103448278,23.22198275862069,7.990435384864732,1.112559267241379,1181,39,265,21,29,399,163,320,0.121,0.7909999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9293,4,1,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,3,6,19,12,0,1,12,0,35,4,0,5,1,57,63,21,0,9,14,0,4,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,14,13,0,1,12,3,1,5,10,6,1,3,3,6,44,6,36,53,4,38,0,3,0,0,6,15,0,9,19,180,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904790006324896,0.07184370404024824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105234983142658,0.07686294589348648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263346006635489,0.09535827842173174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437623966110167,0.0,0.0933053444576382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556836356989968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40477009474579656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294728668919558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810154669426259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097177204767405,0.0616829509654173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688541966933524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828273944956962,0.14721094364402446,0.07241981840963269,0.0,0.0,0.09511576942995473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177781930758404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962741292842664,0.0,0.09746993853575762,0.4663224611915796,0.0,0.08568140240446594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949029317491972,0.0,0.0,0.09142402084262666,0.0,0.0,0.1829583437689737,0.0843649655292356,0.0,0.07624182608157212,0.07641021176881788,0.0,0.0,0.1885056233497727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057634150657239924,0.0,0.0867424379408116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870127228475318,0.0,0.08718110193551026,0.0,0.0,0.09176819254900714,0.06347151960900692,0.06402171579910347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284775825299581,0.0,0.09060171157045048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971774812771033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632427492869848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523582615222626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860278024036446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142323653637056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315754418629324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218602262506994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798021024936182,0.0,0.0,0.12983731695595874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064930928290492,0.0,0.0,0.15104065519024315,0.0,0.08184239748626074,0.0,0.0,0.05862074890439194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248286750552427,0.15278076338413513,0.06853449282960815,0.0,0.0,0.07763209018882039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323088877254485,0.09363453302688404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267017452458305,0.09440174253423653,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bklove1,2019/02/04,"I will never be good enough for my fiance. Why did he even propose? I have paranoid schizophrenia. Let me first say that I COMPLETELY agree that we should wait until I am better from it. But I've been in remission for years and take my medicine regularly and work very hard to control it. I only have small episodes every once and a while. 

He proposed to me almost 3 years ago. We've been together for 5. He said the reason he won't marry me is because of my schizophrenia. But I'm not sure he's being realistic... I will always have off days... even on medication. I haven't had one in forever but he still says he doesn't want to marry a schizophrenic. 

Our relationship is starting to feel like a job I have to apply for. I know he loves me, he does everything for me. There is no question about that. Trust me when I say that. He always tells me when I'm mad that he sacrifices so much for me and no other man/woman would do that for me. 

I think he just proposed to keep me happy with no intention of actually marrying me. I would be happy not being married if he hadn't proposed to me. But once he proposed I had the expectation of us getting married. But he keeps stalling.

I feel so lost and hurt. I can't do this anymore. I always felt like my fiance was my one true love, my connection to the world. But now I""m starting to distance myself from him for fear of getting hurt.

I just feel so broken. I'm not sure what to do.",1.6057156353330202,3.733040506849317,3.369773264052906,88.8369178082192,80.57534246575342,6.21936702881436,23.082664147378374,7.372421405659032,0.9362022673594717,1116,38,234,16,29,372,148,292,0.149,0.727,0.124,-0.4698,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,0,5,13,17,1,1,6,0,32,4,0,3,4,42,54,19,0,6,12,0,5,2,0,6,2,4,0,0,11,7,0,4,8,0,0,0,12,5,0,3,10,9,40,12,31,33,2,20,1,3,0,2,28,6,0,3,16,157,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.10782550028709753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794562398793467,0.0,0.11064305699706237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275817775687777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957964114942803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735567658612833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772232507424526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158500995520498,0.0,0.12392760648823865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125902330101484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669341200495124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416909268365855,0.0,0.14595953580163515,0.0,0.0930953520835654,0.0,0.09930423344010053,0.0,0.0,0.12433565648620665,0.16760616362355366,0.07893641973882852,0.10609087434905314,0.0,0.0,0.0939855256522436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545635441860393,0.0,0.0,0.0926765191016479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524429766720914,0.09898027381838194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365706783251757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096475288253038,0.19642300433843374,0.0,0.0,0.060724215830724765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298686270040816,0.0,0.10796286860531668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061646512510125,0.0,0.19944899432246704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113103529023886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122527270342246,0.0,0.08521922753484833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353434694957463,0.14974620925329296,0.08403511678565473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377775871198946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360549220913715,0.0,0.11862842940369665,0.0,0.0,0.10510440989502656,0.26360606814901777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641542146703816,0.0,0.08824007438208023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827721338693428,0.0,0.08307719384846671,0.0,0.09657599498666956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079963089204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290980851646378,0.0,0.0,0.09116852597822096,0.06517179802930302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970299708568324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044042220791224,0.0,0.0,0.1569825086860179,0.0,0.0,0.14230809647920942
suicidewatch,sableyed,2019/02/04,"Why am I like this? Nobody cares if I disappear.. 
Even my husband gave up trying to help me. 

Wish I could just press a button and be gone. ",-0.7515517241379293,1.4073075517241378,1.4788793103448263,97.37280172413796,94.17241379310344,4.279310344827587,14.14655172413793,5.985473137389443,-0.8072827586206897,105,2,24,1,4,35,27,29,0.0,0.6579999999999999,0.342,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,2,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388022318207472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436243012134647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842626685252119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884753904447656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102624742044455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29220052724572404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883520162746399,0.0,0.4949170441897538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ACE-_-DIC3,2019/02/04,"Just want to go to sleep and never wake up Things were going so well I somehow got into University even though I registered late, I was getting more romantic attention than I ever had and my family was planning our first ever international holiday. Then second year of uni came and everything feel apart in June of 2017 my mom was forced to leave her job in such a way that she landed up in hospital due to suicidal tendencies and depression. We had to cancel our plans of ever going on a plan and started making plans of how to afford to live. I was spending my nights at the clinic watching as the strongest woman I once knew was in constant tears and ready to give it all up. And I felt guilty that I wasn't able to do something, I slowly started attending less classes. End of the year came and we were able to stabilize ourselves or the hush money they gave our mom but that was to end in Feb and then our main bread winner would be in debt. My parents did everything sold their car got into large debt all to support the family and me through uni but I had lost all motivation for it I barely went to a class and kept lying to everyone. Mid year came and my mom was told that I failed my semester and that I would have to pass my only available module in semester 2 or else... I was so thankful that my mom kept me from getting kicked out that I made promises I couldn't keep. I would leave home and instead of going to class I would go park somewhere and cry or sleep the day away. The romantic relationships I had were dust my guilt had buried me and I felt useless. Yet things were looking up for the family my mom was bringing in some money and was offered a second job to help but with good news came bad my dad was told he had to enter pension and then the worry set in again. Early this year I knew I had failed my whole year of uni but I should've said something or tried to register yet the fear of knowing I didn't make it meant I left it until today when my mom got a message saying I didn't register. The amount of disappointment on her face made my heart tear, the amount of embarrassment I would bring the family made me feel sick and the guilt of not being able to contribute made me feel empty. My mom says she had a plan to pay my fees even tho we struggling to afford electricity, she says she is going to phone and try get me back in yet I'm sitting in the bathroom crying writing this wishing I could die wanting so badly to die and remove the burden I am. And I would've done it if not for the fact that I feel it would make my parents feel guilty. I wish someone could just kill me and take the blame or that I could just fall asleep and never wake up to it's no one's fault. I want my parent to move on a live happily without my disappointment staring them in the face I'm just so tired I want to sleep forever",4.448768602540838,5.040072822413793,5.295735027223234,84.28013611615245,69.91379310344827,8.381125226860254,26.987295825771326,8.452757503120043,1.6600172413793106,2247,68,468,33,38,734,260,580,0.205,0.708,0.087,-0.9978,9,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,7,0,3,10,26,22,1,5,26,0,44,13,9,9,9,105,105,47,4,17,17,11,7,0,0,6,3,5,1,1,20,35,1,3,13,1,8,20,10,17,1,4,53,15,77,5,73,40,10,85,0,7,3,0,43,29,0,8,33,320,97,10,0.16506969587375794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169613767850175,0.04230946899422503,0.09188420072585668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25172767601444906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946056638524255,0.0,0.13179472031179526,0.0,0.12088087322769728,0.035485432654450866,0.0,0.04739142905902432,0.0,0.11421085544864865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630786995104953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596484987392819,0.0,0.09746850350844134,0.0,0.0,0.07268465154349191,0.14931499033625256,0.0,0.0525770561045951,0.09890266593059996,0.0,0.20748402459074688,0.06191643332172065,0.13910699670530433,0.0,0.1056618629492644,0.0,0.0,0.0468027329947751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624210309359022,0.052783297865258,0.18762582439538167,0.04615087640674441,0.13202131519393948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520279479666713,0.03688091254144208,0.0,0.05519278797390386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920413498852616,0.04890717672899353,0.060875053791392436,0.0,0.030239329302241987,0.0,0.0620686022918219,0.11652331583185717,0.05978290251808323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971730437823666,0.0,0.04620565688957075,0.0,0.06006435749384944,0.0,0.0,0.2082572499386964,0.11018530378292857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451097809792944,0.0,0.058480987737967366,0.0,0.0,0.08487461712120094,0.0,0.0,0.05163557581655223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859794627115793,0.03728516598712179,0.04184764734578948,0.0,0.0,0.18329036258634254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907435925308571,0.0,0.0,0.052339693785315285,0.1312700475712714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518890723397994,0.0,0.046621005880808405,0.08471914430620067,0.0,0.0,0.07789145356567193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575222288668994,0.0,0.06018648513003917,0.062439711571047884,0.0,0.0,0.04137062270664802,0.0,0.0,0.05065799938249643,0.0,0.0,0.07310998076350746,0.0,0.05406004603044799,0.0,0.0,0.06324111089122182,0.0521555901984652,0.1051541122091902,0.0,0.0747143253592456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981651124625335,0.04367488040756327,0.0,0.0,0.04947249355467773,0.051007087279163116,0.0,0.0614314734881211,0.12654800254461385,0.053040432098822914,0.0,0.0,0.05587876294450582,0.0,0.2736084770248017,0.0,0.0,0.17716578686688808
suicidewatch,restlessthrowaway111,2019/02/04,Why am I alive For the first time in my life I am starting to wish I had never been born.  It’s that bad now.  All of the good in my life was not worth this suffering.,0.5207017543859642,1.3597061578947418,2.3921052631578945,100.47307017543864,79.52631578947368,6.119298245614036,17.929824561403507,6.42735559955562,-0.5771333333333333,126,2,35,1,3,42,31,38,0.195,0.622,0.182,-0.1508,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,5,1,5,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010496760828885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066892348535384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30241774501896634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093435376308388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27808345493727965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552037965213769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102434358987794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253462240766093,0.0,0.4146222623044679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uninstalllizard,2019/02/04,"might be about to get banned I don't know if i was actually harassing the mods or if the mod is abusing their power but i just could leave it, so i told another mod what they did

i tried to make things better for myself but i might have made it worse

if i really am a harrasser thats just kind of the cherry on the icing isnt it. i really need to leave for the best of everyone else

im really scared",1.6618506493506509,2.8260397954545486,4.196948051948056,87.3636363636364,77.18181818181819,8.664935064935065,19.38961038961039,9.23628265651192,1.120579220779221,314,6,74,8,7,111,60,88,0.18600000000000005,0.71,0.104,-0.5632,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,3,4,5,1,1,6,0,11,0,0,2,0,16,17,7,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,11,3,9,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,6,0,53,17,0,0.0,0.22062592578681947,0.18171206048231836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525523062271116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954137146518324,0.1646857653994941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486718651891197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555281610055166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792963888228466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728594813527516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011364974955084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390688503231088,0.10233499821836098,0.0,0.0,0.3943345832464123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619442786266715,0.12429522663034676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39507433510640794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807080669650842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35786866805390405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864266033082841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370826211782475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792963888228466,0.0,0.12642294867230344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897617696634009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,razor_beef,2019/02/04,"1 year its been exactly one year since my girlfriend killed herself,and not much after she did so, my best friend also killed himself. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is my female best friend, i just love her so much. But sometimes i just feel like i should do it, no fucks given, my life is shit without her and now shes mad at me, so im serously thinking about it

\~ </3",2.95804166666667,4.103089387500007,3.6224999999999987,92.83916666666669,73.875,5.833333333333334,23.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.1954583333333333,301,8,66,1,6,95,59,80,0.202,0.583,0.21600000000000005,0.3578,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,5,0,1,0,8,4,1,0,1,11,14,6,2,1,5,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,1,14,6,5,10,4,5,0,0,0,2,9,1,2,0,5,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443682524826727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405331982804346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764653549035963,0.13796392229622506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29840580716575393,0.17853497672012697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860116059262296,0.0,0.0,0.17165263003693534,0.4273140993124534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640533474336378,0.0943479629835218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742970206009336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839286922011843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086211944961826,0.14687535057619686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982334043019758,0.15974965045322334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099917233466684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829937566776475,0.12374256151101112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615937939965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487240139563077
suicidewatch,3Karma_3_Vixen3,2019/02/04,"Worse This overwhelming feeling of needing to die just keeps getting worse. I feel like death is the ONLY way to stop feeling so unnecessary. I feel like my birth was a terrible terrible mistake & I'm angry my parents didn't abort me. I planned on taking my life tomorrow after my daughter's off to school. Seeing her little face made me want to go off to the hospital (again) but I dread being locked in a ward & fed medication that'll either not work, make things worse, or take too long to start working. I don't know what to do but my only options at this point are Suicide or hospital, & right now suicide sounds better. ",4.664552845528455,6.079517406504067,5.2814634146341515,81.5389430894309,70.0569105691057,8.06829268292683,29.92682926829269,8.515128840125781,2.2785219512195125,503,20,94,8,9,162,88,123,0.276,0.647,0.077,-0.9837,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,0,2,4,0,8,4,1,2,0,20,26,5,4,3,7,2,4,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,6,13,3,14,20,1,18,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,3,10,54,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44089339833847097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996140051266885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077154770834566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743319926476867,0.19380061733347745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086561828947435,0.0,0.0770865944585208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205619016710984,0.0,0.0,0.07454347786498958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580561947232658,0.13253242707251522,0.13594560294701008,0.0,0.12003597411933957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834460997683098,0.09053988016174816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664171227593028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005743714464226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063186747591962,0.0,0.0,0.15061071570909412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822240623980866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583470185083375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727359770822714,0.10808647632339867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600576432616252,0.0,0.0,0.11340002001063698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29673342799504243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396683188110304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011231992420994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000321481896917,0.1076636802482216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749316645014486,0.0,0.4146822452571359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kilimomo,2019/02/04,"Wish I could hurt myself right now I'm not exactly suicidal right now. I just want to hurt myself. Sorry. Don't worry about me too much. 

I want to cut myself. I want to whip myself. But I can't. My SO would be disappointed. My counselor would too. I think I'm having an emotional flashback. I feel bad. And want to cut. I feel sick and helpless. Ashamed. 

The memories keep flooding in. Rapes, abuse, neglect, me cutting myself and filming it for my diary. My ex raped me and abused me for years. My mom abused me and neglected me. I want to cut myself. I really wish I could do it. 

Emotions I felt back then keep flooding in. Helplessness. Shame. Guilt. Sadness. 

I feel sick. I just want to cut. Once, twice, five times, twenty times. To make my emotional pain go away. I just want for the memories to stop. For the pain to stop. 

I'm hugging myself in the bed. My love is sleeping next to me. I know I can't cut. He would be so sad.  

I just.. feel so sick. I'll just bite myself. ",-1.2171445221445223,0.4356877828282855,0.931414141414141,97.42737762237765,110.56565656565657,4.0509712509712505,16.188034188034187,6.02186152331457,-0.29972432012432026,743,22,163,10,39,244,92,198,0.38,0.498,0.122,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,3,7,45.0,0,0,0,0,14,25,8,3,5,0,13,10,1,1,1,41,37,10,1,14,7,2,5,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,2,5,0,6,7,1,0,1,4,23,0,2,1,5,40,2,19,29,1,17,0,9,0,4,4,6,0,0,10,103,42,0,0.0,0.3710657844244741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980806284091734,0.08027174742568305,0.08716376650914086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666985783938971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522841091242122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113688202889333,0.0,0.10023361881885333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932892858435297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350965943542395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855785303393369,0.0,0.0,0.05737164426249228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421872801682787,0.0,0.06968311574644323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226378063744853,0.0,0.0,0.07674084196747805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102310415808554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117510227755796,0.0,0.0,0.22216295316067144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687680745828734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830204595160434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044683578264756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168593791902301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455438876069349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418896165909267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066890797713665,0.0,0.0,0.12174475651463655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.431015734486378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400935189915163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601612481010406,0.0,0.222473304609004,0.0,0.0,0.06722564775177095
suicidewatch,SirVonLaser,2019/02/04,"I also might wait another five years. I want to share a little story with you.
The past month have been very hard for me.
I've thought about killing my self, planned everything and I've done a lot of research.

One thing that couldn't finish was the letter for my friends and family. I'm very bad in writing cause I always overthink every sentence I write. It was not my first letter I wrote but the structure was similar to my past letters. I wanted to write something that everybody could understand at least a bit why I've choosen that way.

As I was writing I came to a sentence where I've said that I would give anything for a other solution but didn't knew any. As I've written that sentance I noticed how dumb it was. If I would give anything for another way, why wouldn't I give myself the chance to change my life before I end it. Even if it would take years to accomplish something, it is worth a try. 

If you consider killing yourself, you have to know that you will leave a lot of pain behind. Even if you believe that no one likes you or if you think you're not important, there's always someone who will be hurt by your actions.

I want to improve myself and my life. It wont be easy and results might come after many months, but as I've said, it's worth a try.
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suicidewatch,Zurmah,2019/02/04,"Ever feel like you don't mean anything to the world? i'm 21, i live with my mom, i work at a fast food place, no matter how hard or long i work on my hobby (video editing stuff) no one helps out, i only get like 25 views on instagram, i'm not in college because my whole family is broke and can't help me afford it anymore, i'm already living paycheck to paycheck because my student loans just keep piling up, and i just don't really know what more to do. i feel like i could easily put the stress and worrying to rest by putting a bullet in my head. 

i feel, no scratch that; i know people would fake be sad if i were to die, but where were they when i was calling out for help?

i feel like such a failure and i don't think i even deserve to be apart of this thing called life anymore. i try so hard everyday to fight off these demons but one day i know they'll win. 

no matter how hard i try to promote my editing, nobody for my community helps. i try to self promote by commenting on big pages, but my comment just easily gets buried. 

i feel like no matter what i do at work, i'm still going to be making the useless $10/hr i do. honestly 95% of all my money goes to someone else. (student loans, phone, insurance, etc) 

i've come close to ending it all before because i can see first hand that life is meaningless in my position. it's a shitty feeling & sometimes no matter how hard i fight back it can get basically the best of me, once it does get the best of me; well.. i won't be here to tell the story. 

i wish life wasn't revolved around money, popularity, etc. it's hard to just be yourself in a world full of trends & the rich getting richer. fuck.",2.6676525198939025,3.717066994252874,4.244367816091955,88.47202917771885,74.45977011494253,7.0779840848806375,24.87886825817861,7.468242284971852,1.0191433244916008,1286,40,284,15,26,431,183,348,0.16699999999999998,0.637,0.196,0.9561,1,0,0,0,2,1,48.0,0,1,2,9,18,20,3,1,12,0,24,7,2,4,3,46,51,14,1,4,10,1,13,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,14,10,1,1,11,1,5,4,13,8,1,3,4,15,41,12,38,38,11,36,1,3,2,1,17,22,1,2,15,174,55,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157150826176287,0.0,0.0,0.17981958349768046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458954926719946,0.0,0.0,0.06828622642200206,0.07387061144631152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380720508813165,0.0,0.15175319521416386,0.0,0.07061065077066242,0.0,0.17416671126923572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694655935282124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148071462752223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625351210478445,0.0,0.0,0.05351582832043302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612109357715618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261716196579096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693199104708981,0.0,0.07349646474935996,0.0,0.1850913208033775,0.05480811480318984,0.07506099255163651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822702591339406,0.0,0.2517458775721603,0.2371263422530028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058352784551132,0.1003408573987927,0.0,0.0,0.07671452306018392,0.2167705279747035,0.0,0.047159968921141424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716730243690093,0.0,0.0851623635351336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224814450581213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375725410910583,0.0,0.0,0.1368124298685289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583563271368005,0.2027014290126157,0.0,0.1465473446264657,0.07343550261431041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539040820968505,0.0,0.0,0.09039054816603634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971862501586452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837197120052342,0.11246003740723083,0.06311072864121882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057528521398494216,0.0,0.08669739942375179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683748742165355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053159701962151744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612504936834357,0.0,0.08656719663904497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030946391829612,0.0,0.08207025132959292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662686696064552,0.0,0.09505436307163162,0.0,0.09499329996399786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252898128773541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512883578381963,0.05317082267551288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901579225218427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460981235419104,0.0,0.0,0.09264523334617336,0.09542396233996367,0.0,0.0,0.1812332933634443,0.08427115187283106,0.0,0.05894726446546857,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tastelikecat,2019/02/04,"How do they feel? My family has known I was suicidal for most of my life now. Okay maybe they didn't know but they know now. Maybe since the last 4 years they've known that for most of my life I've felt so terrible about my own existence that any and all copping has been squandered and warped into more self loathing. I don't need anything special from them, but i am curious. How does it feel from their end? I'm not specifically looking for attention but I wonder how they get by knowing I want to die everyday.  


How do they feel about my suicidal disposition?",2.9679464285714303,5.024379901785718,3.7387142857142885,88.20628571428574,75.875,8.051428571428572,25.485714285714288,8.841846274778883,1.8337114285714289,447,16,94,10,10,142,71,112,0.227,0.727,0.046,-0.9815,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,7,0,9,3,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,4,1,27,22,10,3,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,11,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,5,17,2,12,18,5,7,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,6,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301059191473522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574421864601334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856263823001985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742768422681525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945502356095915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803619067184234,0.0,0.29021534410426364,0.0,0.1836996858581271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995815458755064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154376690887779,0.1559534429990687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702736010134628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606627863367924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844185060926255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186327320988673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959118300589135,0.0,0.0,0.15826402013479599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185517121386324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128470181648486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748118314034664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320547256632225
suicidewatch,throwawayhere32,2019/02/04,Ready I feel weirdly at peace about it. Now I just need to get over the logistic issues and I'm golden.,-0.4219696969696969,1.8131092272727287,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,93.0909090909091,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.265684848484848,81,2,18,1,3,27,20,22,0.091,0.6609999999999999,0.248,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434164328044273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548462227328437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7088928671085639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503607202941653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilacbirds,2019/02/04,"i need help and this is the only place i can get it i have been thinking about taking my own life for a few years now. but this year it has gotten so bad that i have to keep myself from jumping into traffic in the morning. when i go to my bus stop to go to school i think ""why not just end it? you would finally be pain free"". my biggest ""triggers"" are my father who has been mentally abusing me and my family for years and school. i never do homework and it kills me inside because i want to do it but i just don't have any energy. and when i don't do anything i tell myself ""you're a lazy piece of sh*t"". it seems juvenile but today i got an f on my maths exam and i almost threw up because of it. so many thoughts went through my head and i seriously thought about jumping out of the bathroom window. 

the only thing that keeps me alive is knowing that my mother and my sisters would be devestated if i died. i could never do that to them. but on the flip-side, i sometimes feel like i have to do it for myself even if it's selfish. the thing that probably started all of this is my cousin raping me when i was 11 years old. until last year i told myself that i enjoyed it but luckily i realized i didn't. he was 16 years old and i still can't look him in the eyes. sometimes i think that he is the reason that i am bisexual. which is also a big problem for me, aswell as being a little chubby. i just feel like i'm worthless. i want to end it. i feel like life has no meaning anymore.",1.3685849909584071,2.994337332278484,3.37471971066908,90.9686075949367,79.15822784810126,5.9066907775768565,22.678119349005428,6.7097532225279775,0.5140283905967449,1151,36,256,11,28,390,163,316,0.16699999999999998,0.753,0.08,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,0,14,13,2,0,13,0,34,6,2,2,3,50,62,24,2,9,11,4,3,3,0,2,3,0,2,0,26,11,0,3,13,0,1,6,8,8,0,0,12,5,51,6,29,44,4,40,0,1,2,1,13,11,0,4,26,189,77,5,0.0,0.12056112808270505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189132164402788,0.0,0.0,0.08137214906538996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919579434051046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091202073610428,0.0,0.0,0.08373436985966216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495983024609817,0.12405584396986667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124180201142492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560395383020704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024660272390247,0.0,0.0,0.06720715430780383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592404008933476,0.0,0.1543487136996087,0.21807792602613585,0.0,0.11146586486609844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05316194645735968,0.0,0.11565759266910305,0.0,0.08138148117693635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442833379465004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820315231757483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808861762908902,0.1125750498014266,0.0,0.05592100195635431,0.08294259353593518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437428568504706,0.14913469949092664,0.10198362816028476,0.0,0.0,0.0854472201909832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031619664372604,0.0,0.11083927152714652,0.0,0.0,0.1025434842717744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754488492286459,0.1569569742318195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354613167777375,0.0,0.0,0.15477607626166598,0.10827278090101287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631063524225202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097073642070194,0.09736425194890387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461943172373328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595972567582424,0.0,0.09263246448934898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127340869119545,0.0,0.0720215730265267,0.0,0.0812603885393025,0.08507039009302514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650588576852246,0.0,0.08893694765266684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520086164748393,0.19559839069769056,0.0,0.16156165108409398,0.0,0.0,0.0964503158245294,0.09722972450537866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003357129403325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432641177377356,0.09181660757258947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456537734164493,0.0,0.0,0.3931550815148968
suicidewatch,NoOneAtAll130,2019/02/04,"What's the point? I'm a person with little to no social skills at all, completely useless to society to the point were I literally just annoy anyone by simply saying ""Hi."" I'm always alone with no one to talk to and it's only getting worse with the cold months. I've been living like this for years now and honestly dont see a point in going on further.",2.719086757990865,4.320217917808222,4.672808219178084,83.2310388127854,75.3013698630137,7.0584474885844735,21.755707762557076,7.793537801064563,0.9995406392694056,280,7,55,4,6,96,55,73,0.195,0.733,0.07200000000000001,-0.8144,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,3,1,2,13,6,1,12,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,0,4,33,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965969761035672,0.0,0.0,0.1764746012918733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482971930549171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237073093376228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24856611320151606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080747458260687,0.0,0.12053476794953714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361571590486056,0.2125683696377966,0.1872780091067156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928699733973593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371663958412928,0.16130284234528722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851874757764356,0.0,0.0,0.6014764859159606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866126796474576,0.0,0.0,0.16900705542432906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619749137806335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046868247342528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613627529733204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365780243359068
suicidewatch,shownoshade,2019/02/04,"I have everything I’ve ever wanted and more. And I want to end myself more than ever before. There’s no trick - I come from a wealthy family, I study in one of the most prestigious colleges in the world, I have a boyfriend who loves me more than anything and I love him back. So far I’ve had every opportunity people can only dream of. 
But nothing seems to make sense - I don’t enjoy anything, I feel apathetic most of the time, I drink alcohol at every opportunity and recently I disassembled a razor and made 25 cuts on my thighs. I don’t know why that’s happening. I don’t know what to do.
Ending it all, rationally, seems like the dumbest thing ever. I have everything. I have a future. But still I feel like I NEED to kill myself, like there is no other option.
I can’t tell anyone about this - it’s just stupid. People around me don’t know what’s going on with me because I can’t show it - I’m always cheerful and funny, as usual. I feel wrong, I feel like I’m just being melancholic, but I want to go.

Please help me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. ",1.3274812343619686,3.4380816146789037,3.484637197664721,87.72864887406173,81.4770642201835,6.165471226021682,19.54211843202669,7.348242739294969,0.4863412844036698,824,21,174,12,22,281,115,218,0.108,0.722,0.171,0.8722,0,0,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,2,12,17,4,0,8,0,16,5,1,2,4,38,40,11,1,4,5,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,10,2,0,10,3,0,3,9,7,0,1,2,4,31,10,21,37,6,22,0,1,0,2,6,8,0,5,15,115,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607610366662272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816208699125238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248870862237602,0.0,0.19416167465914785,0.10502001924863832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907131236002784,0.0,0.07191458673664294,0.0,0.1003854138730581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162236211547747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556756806460886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897620830699248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201370637763295,0.19879285938523772,0.0,0.21205110752356995,0.0,0.1112134258311812,0.0,0.23860058725887925,0.16855832475319926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409232025818718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043221782038944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907409044343107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051844917992045,0.0,0.2593371254040758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054048217378684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129485253317642,0.11162788202873468,0.07874717187902082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747468298795022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131972378276158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994082532939213,0.08972296028053699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357374891925933,0.0,0.0,0.1294977405615449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164830375959868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479440835584987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421252675984283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311265687110308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837530083773042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879037456872736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992940163259728,0.0,0.20874868280039754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064513073764934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25796754737423244,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,runningoutofcoffee,2019/02/04,"I'm not sure what other options are left. I've wanted to die for a long time. Often times it makes me feel selfish and weak, I know that people deal with a lot more than I do, and yet I just don't feel like doing this anymore. 

I'm obsessed with doing better. I have a lot of bad habits that have ruined my personal relationships and mental health, and feel like I'm fighting a constant battle daily with these addictions and negative thoughts. I go to therapy, I work out, I have a career and a hobby that gives me purpose. But I just don't feel like I care anymore. Everytime I feel like I'm getting better, I self destruct and hurt the people I care about. It feels like a constantly repeating pattern, and I feel like maybe I'm just broken and defective. These issues will always persist, and I will always, no matter how hard I try, feel this feeling weighing down on my soul. That I'm not good enough, that I'm not good enough for the people I love and that love me. I just don't feel like doing this anymore. I have no motivation, no desire, no drive anymore. 

My best friend committed suicide four years ago. The fallout from it was devastating to his friends and family. Sometimes I feel really bitter, because  I wish it was me instead of him. And if I had died, he would have had more of a will to live and more potential than I do. Everyday I feel this overwhelming responsibility to stay alive, but lately, I don't feel that I have the strength to pull through. I feel an obligation to stay alive for my parents, for my younger sisters, for my on-off girlfriend who I constantly hurt with my erratic mood and shifting behaviour. I always seem to take it out on her, and I'm tired of hurting the people I love. I'm tired of being defective. I'm tired of being uncomfortable, I'm tired of never doing the right thing. I'm tired of constantly disappointing not just everyone else, but myself. 

I came into work today, and cried the entire bus ride. I would have called out and taken a mental health day, but truthfully, I'm here because I work in a 12 story building, and when everyone clears out for the night, I'll be able to go upstairs and jump. I'm afraid of not making it through the night. I'm afraid that I'll stand on the ledge as I have countless times before, and this time decide to step off. 

I'm posting here because I don't know what else to do, and I guess I just need to put it in writing. I wanted to text my shrink and tell him how I feel, but I'm afraid of being institutionalized, and having my life ruined even further. I wish that killing myself wouldn't transfer my pain to everyone around me. I know it would break my parents, I know it would break my sister's, and I know that the girl I love will blame herself. I know that killing myself would overshadow all the aspects of me I wish they would remember. But at this point, I don't know what else to do, because none of this has any meaning to me anymore. I feel pain. I feel this sinking, weighing pain on my chest, and I can't see it going away. ",4.632804777594728,5.313584848434927,5.41358772652389,83.27817401153214,69.54365733113674,8.244629324546953,28.68406095551895,8.317959484511023,1.8697558813838555,2381,82,482,33,40,776,242,607,0.196,0.696,0.108,-0.9929,2,0,0,0,2,3,73.0,0,0,1,9,17,49,6,5,23,0,45,20,1,5,6,116,113,37,5,15,18,4,18,7,3,11,13,0,0,3,37,37,2,0,30,0,0,10,20,25,0,1,7,20,78,23,61,91,10,57,1,7,1,4,29,20,0,7,28,314,115,6,0.04933890365855642,0.0,0.0,0.0537866876835332,0.0,0.0,0.0437359611542118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231617609032508,0.0,0.0,0.03355214639091681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446546733519315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04392208471113779,0.0,0.0,0.046355524124605016,0.0,0.041195923667512,0.12030615089243575,0.0,0.0419837730314666,0.0,0.05177813542119808,0.08727250160503207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038053705551832,0.056430561751478675,0.10060860109090718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132713075530228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419646889249232,0.03181951115410905,0.05086624320798214,0.0,0.0,0.10241198477857053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364896893065985,0.0,0.0,0.1019605531991749,0.0,0.032587880540193744,0.0,0.0,0.1414363104540485,0.0,0.0,0.04651232731931074,0.0,0.42410294668511295,0.2467340584243626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623822915231677,0.0,0.02577754077344486,0.0473303721989022,0.08412130789391585,0.08276626304073657,0.0,0.0,0.054352364897082936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044197966529747786,0.0,0.0,0.10488989479579144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845495045388588,0.0,0.0,0.051496996769930345,0.0,0.0,0.1091723734629029,0.0,0.18980759788857893,0.0,0.05565643237822735,0.0,0.053606863188705285,0.0,0.03484952677876875,0.1687314728629807,0.0,0.043567155861123724,0.04366337713306924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389234302922625,0.17812114748502847,0.0,0.06586820262990431,0.0,0.049567560324405915,0.053744530279410084,0.0,0.0,0.0994440205076738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658417189184136,0.038053204148407765,0.0,0.0,0.092602437549119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575002164321847,0.0,0.10957002729447812,0.0,0.0,0.13682153379805714,0.04308082758442101,0.0,0.0,0.04664121170035437,0.0,0.04725303117222671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049599225673480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03160776507850404,0.0,0.0,0.05297151796005048,0.055891359800691334,0.042135154141217664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931671828647864,0.044916284851122236,0.051471236930931134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879743731081215,0.0,0.0,0.1051774131000008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396875257435228,0.0,0.046501332796249,0.0,0.03709671524891246,0.0,0.04312437649778659,0.0,0.05642333626165026,0.0,0.03277857524007583,0.0,0.0,0.039169578295874766,0.1150796459850284,0.2835390585478857,0.04676751162173157,0.0,0.0,0.033497876893464604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820272740946244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702119127745861,0.0,0.0,0.10775792846080667,0.0,0.0,0.21029364934041814,0.0,0.0,0.03177263631661187
suicidewatch,suicidewatchthro,2019/02/04,Help I have 2 belts going through eachother and enough courage to fibally do it. What do i do with the belt that is sopposed to go around the object that supports me. I cant find anything that can support my body. Do i do it on the edge of a closet? ,2.435377358490566,3.48866720754717,3.38127358490566,94.42021226415095,75.0377358490566,5.300000000000002,28.34433962264151,3.1291,0.5834188679245282,194,8,44,0,4,62,40,53,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,9,1,1,0,0,4,13,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,7,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426779951765005,0.2625239792497461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275679895562262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047110619679353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695337264527484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335197515224861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976655977334817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6692992152040055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6inn3r,2019/02/04,"Its only getting worse and im ready to die Im not good enough for anyone

Give me some reasons to live apart from the ""someone loves you"" bullshit because ive heard that too much",0.34621621621621657,2.7668295675675694,1.3284324324324324,98.71859459459463,91.16216216216215,2.9600000000000004,20.913513513513514,3.1291,-0.5363686486486485,142,5,30,0,5,44,33,37,0.279,0.591,0.131,-0.7909,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,4,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799651491823399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568956472539027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671184227771837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659409659420223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446973124024333,0.2469010711698129,0.0,0.2158770156676936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5560262561910096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727007944769845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229429681661054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920293552218265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574807512004053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646281373027083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807611037055227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622908514067114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wtfdommy,2019/02/04,"I’ve ruined everything. I’m $10,000 in debt. My bosses hate me after my accident. I went to jail for the first time in my life. I have two black eyes, spinal contusions, a broken finger, and a concussion. I have zero money. I’m struggling with my eating disorder again.
I’m just done. 
I can’t think of any reason anymore. 
I’m all alone. ",-0.09565217391304516,2.237575159420292,2.4923043478260887,89.4836739130435,94.5072463768116,5.658550724637681,17.044927536231885,7.1686216300943375,0.4849118840579712,262,7,53,5,10,90,52,69,0.324,0.6759999999999999,0.0,-0.9682,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,3,0,4,5,3,2,1,7,11,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,3,0,3,2,3,9,0,7,9,1,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28037413034429104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409222237655093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684717812530712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102573480410491,0.0,0.0,0.2770305281824183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770041224835352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24329687666415345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026596199065724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26727028202622205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121062356867474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783351773522225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830050836424877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346016849723428,0.0,0.0,0.15785329746762375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644445344504195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095107206643474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herthius,2019/02/04,"Life always surprises me My life got so dark I'm genuinely surprised.    
I was trying to change things, but it was all futile in the end.    
Makes me a little bit sad.    
I really thought I had a chance to change my life around.    
It's so painful to think about things that could be if I knew certain things before it got to the point of no repair.    
If I wasn't so weak and tired.    
If I wasn't a coward.    
If I got a little help from society or at least if it wouldn't be constantly trying to destroy me.    
I've inflicted so much pain upon myself cause I've been stressed way over my limits for ridiculous amount of time.     
I don't want to see myself sink even lower.    
I can keep lying to myself that it will get better, try to ignore the truth.    
The truth is, the world is about numbers.    
Numbers are cold and powerful, they crush through the strongest will and strongest emotions like it's nothing.    
I know my numbers, I used to be on the positive side.    
But it violently went deep into negatives and still goes.    
I can pretend I'm a fool and continue my futile effort to get out of this hole while my life is slowly and painfully decaying right before my eyes no matter what I try to do.    
This is torture.    
Some might prefer to fight even if it doesn't have meaning anymore.    
Some might give up and stop fighting for their desires when they see it has no meaning anymore for the time when it was still realistic to achieve them has passed.    
In the end it doesn't matter.    
The choices and consequences we have made and received can only affect us in this life.    
We have made up justice cause it's a crucial aspect for maintaining society.    
It works only in our society and also only perfectly just on paper.    
The truth is that everyone deserves what they get.    
We've all deserved our lives and things that happened in them.    
We all deserve death.    
Doesn't seem fair judging by your criteria?     
That's the objective truth like it or not.  ",3.288131631299734,5.191616416445626,4.122459383289127,86.49029384946951,74.49071618037134,6.940616710875332,26.104857427055702,7.756953410329674,1.48036876657825,1507,54,294,21,32,483,188,377,0.217,0.631,0.151,-0.9877,2,0,0,0,3,0,33.0,6,1,6,7,15,26,6,1,18,0,35,11,1,7,9,67,61,29,1,11,12,0,0,2,0,5,10,0,0,0,28,17,0,4,8,1,0,3,12,15,0,0,15,4,39,11,40,37,9,39,0,1,3,0,18,22,0,13,15,206,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270279432792033,0.07564658785871227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032179248200025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093151191583497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471989773318895,0.0,0.0,0.08040482993947366,0.09925304164884603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867846202898199,0.1923470078753606,0.0,0.0,0.09824425162221566,0.0,0.07258633439458301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226446797230757,0.1610432050358119,0.0,0.0,0.12009386437805887,0.0,0.0,0.08687091031102563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249428473083958,0.0872116751012279,0.0,0.0,0.2181333966006137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039373510687878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093681698729389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080731935119811,0.0,0.0,0.04996320179004938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32107138246126193,0.0888306339763506,0.18223667011655456,0.08027751453289876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720474501753645,0.0606848839379537,0.0,0.0,0.1980610037672484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288785919428925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683124079931738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872331167679164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742944671939065,0.2902123322870333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594181731858938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824095629584693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763888603836637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489118517121705,0.08276344045486157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520588144310406,0.0760070263028086,0.10414010615270164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415932367575975,0.058253139979293926,0.0,0.07217447016550553,0.10602376687673087,0.10449069003163172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468948221185993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109356695544596,0.07851931945073741,0.0,0.0,0.053622622398869536,0.07216221104472614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427691530388999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618547463921562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,entilfeldigmann,2019/02/04,"Future for suicidal people Hi, sry.

This is my first post, just made an account to seek out people i could talk to. I feel really stupid, just so you know. But I'm planning to stay anonymous, so I guess I cannot do much wrong.

​

Im young, 28, male. I would guess i've had depression since I was about 9-10 (probably started because of bullying), judging by stories told to me. I was a miserable child. I cannot remember being not depressed. I have very few memories from before i was 17. I've thought about suicide since then, made concrete plans and 'decided' at 19, i would think. As far as I can remember I've only been close once, spending a night crying with rope in my hands. I also did wake up in a drunken state on railroad track once, but i do not know why. I have no contact with my family and have no friends. I talk to my roommate, who I'm starting to despise for no reason, usually just a 'hello'.

​

The last three or four months I have started getting panic attacks, that I haven't had in years. These attacks frighens me and suprises me. They happen when I try to 'hide' from my roommate or her friends inside my room. I feel trapped, this is quite commen as far as I've heard. I probably got some sort of social anxiety. I've had periods of happiness, always involving either drugs/alcohol or beeing litterally isolated for weeks at a time. I am pretty much sober now and getting more and more miserable.

​

I do have a job that I am dedicated to, and enjoy, although I find it stressfull. This is the excuse I am using at the moment for myself to not commit yet.

​

Anyway, this is just an excuse for me to ventilate my emotions, I have never told anyone. So, I'm just sorry you had to read that. My question or critisiscm, i guess, is when does it change? I mean, as I said, I am still young. For a few years I thought I should atleast wait until I'm 30 (Just to decide for a number). The reason for this, obviously, is that I have always had hope that things will change and could. It's getting close and if there has been change in my happiness/emotional state, it's for the worst. People always say that things will change. For some it does, but I can think of many suicidal people in their 50s and 60s, I do not want to end up like them. So, can someone experienced tell me what I'm waiting for?

​

Best wishes.",3.17852564102564,4.964026297008548,4.344273504273507,85.28961538461539,74.49145299145297,7.2786324786324785,26.95726495726496,8.055295364500962,1.7270623931623934,1849,70,364,29,39,605,228,468,0.14400000000000002,0.759,0.097,-0.9682,1,1,2,0,0,1,92.0,0,2,3,5,20,18,4,3,15,0,47,2,2,5,3,72,84,32,3,9,19,0,3,1,2,5,0,3,1,2,21,14,0,2,17,1,2,0,11,11,0,3,20,7,57,7,53,56,11,47,0,4,0,0,27,17,0,13,27,252,78,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468848635575815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048406062105622,0.15109818530981747,0.3279227945645292,0.3677547226402402,0.0,0.0,0.04630551675291345,0.0,0.0,0.042324195839146525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772391809504667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03689871139414733,0.0,0.05150683029367452,0.0,0.06352281944892614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561321416904501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665704442873893,0.0,0.06648969647558375,0.0,0.0,0.10426932398951903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594095358017283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617688931015026,0.05361188284931029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057062583393922575,0.0,0.061211880699395614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553236011037262,0.05148704551775789,0.0,0.0,0.0935311251777096,0.0,0.0948737563685128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841161352310672,0.0,0.2000428617539234,0.0,0.05352674777442515,0.0644356339858139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012024954468782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538311519107473,0.0,0.06006698657436641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653174396396097,0.04934027649528442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029572048948672124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455047409511075,0.0,0.0613682274790021,0.0,0.06593524593990326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048314711026086365,0.0,0.08899347604539523,0.0,0.046684701890265586,0.0,0.0,0.05680358971129434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892559617178986,0.0,0.04603602366435047,0.0,0.07101926956456557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785636480491914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057971298949845075,0.06158108003439426,0.13052381057262236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780779330288418,0.06438142894792795,0.06054668419207385,0.0,0.038777262601926016,0.12447046729475846,0.0,0.0,0.13713806912872156,0.0,0.057578180244535676,0.048136127115873145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001425856658096,0.0,0.0,0.06170302199603196,0.051287130008771296,0.0,0.0,0.06775871945119387,0.12853098180060712,0.06451725007194048,0.04833957883058401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863098377973745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730393074634544,0.05290615353049007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042728846183697,0.07757074917826905,0.0,0.09610859988445124,0.035295706936370734,0.0,0.0,0.11567859856172084,0.0,0.04109610298857437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052278747866007814,0.0666655780142673,0.04994383990781565,0.035702341486332334,0.0,0.048553758602556125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054619184322079815,0.0,0.06960686214545689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599798228628497,0.06618038503423496,0.3677547226402402,0.07795906220795422
suicidewatch,TheKanon,2019/02/04,"I didn't know where else to turn so I came here Even though I've struggled with OCD and bouts of depression for most of my life, I was never at the point where I started to think about the idea of suicide. I loved my life despite my problems and could never imagine doing something to myself. That's changed in the past year; my depression and anxiety have deepened drastically after graduating from college and having difficulty finding a job. I feel like I've failed at everything despite what others tell me. More and more it's become harder to see a future for myself, and thoughts of suicide have continued to become less and less farfetched. I'm too scared to let on to my therapist and my friends and family about the gravity of what I'm feeling, even though I'm desperate for relief. So I came here to just put my thoughts out there. I don't know what I'm expecting or if this is even the right place for it. I don't yet want to die, but more and more I'm beginning to think that it might be my only option. Thanks for reading",6.061925566343043,6.0806980242718485,6.3991747572815525,79.75937702265377,66.33009708737865,9.585113268608417,32.70064724919093,9.2995712137729,2.753519093851132,827,32,162,14,12,267,115,206,0.119,0.807,0.07400000000000001,-0.7377,1,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,17,11,0,2,7,0,13,3,0,0,2,38,35,17,3,5,4,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,10,14,0,0,11,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,6,3,20,5,30,25,7,23,0,3,1,1,3,10,0,5,11,117,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450844055078718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728824075641057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825957265451503,0.0,0.0,0.13068987770541762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986373458043044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128111702136272,0.0,0.12821593630809752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320255882325716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447927725329078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103058344012162,0.0,0.11646335358128915,0.0,0.12493196909883801,0.08825763449010507,0.0,0.0,0.11291413275585575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544738298325586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394626241841915,0.0,0.0,0.1225952678602008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578968144789325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632892729857553,0.1745211643147034,0.06035583718768681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150047404336826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310573582995187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056469650345872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395841167031477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793375576151915,0.0,0.0,0.1290739327715875,0.0,0.11678607033415216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821194447546705,0.0,0.12419271384363742,0.0,0.0,0.12357431910429699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055032426406538,0.0,0.0,0.12368597995491375,0.0,0.09844609219442414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510781061721636,0.0,0.0,0.08744287581149969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915175888887798,0.0,0.27026735816757835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798018068532936,0.11373985067894275,0.0,0.14344049193565306,0.0,0.15832002429242314,0.2427565888172236,0.19615532954888285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343770095992494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286761609614573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795562809005041
suicidewatch,KindlyPassage,2019/02/04,"I'm prepared to kill myself and now it feels better. How am I supposed feel? I tried I really did. I left the hospital at 18, and told myself I would try to be happy. 3 years of building, and its all just  ripped out from under me. It was my fault. So I made a kit, and put in my closet. I can't express how comforting it is to know that I can go at any time. I don't know how I am supposed to feel like this is anything but the right choice.",-0.4294897959183643,1.2795764591836765,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,85.42857142857143,5.144489795918368,17.963265306122448,6.2581,-0.35480734693877514,335,8,83,3,10,116,68,98,0.07,0.846,0.083,0.0441,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,11,0,0,4,1,18,20,9,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,3,15,4,11,14,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443760679582867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898722917353012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138593629124967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667958917832542,0.17274755203699468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742495427312254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25740891648701714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26752452155073064,0.0,0.26578250366133216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627248995601809,0.0,0.0,0.11813508469327084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22880440212932698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24308364280627345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549082787466924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065025536140032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100008205296355,0.0,0.0,0.2310577305956577,0.0,0.3283432687092596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177333465249908,0.0,0.0,0.15571630549729268
suicidewatch,BigRodClutcher,2019/02/04,"When is enough enough. I’ve been silently struggling with suicidal thoughts since my mid-20’s and now in my mid 50’s feel the struggle to stay alive is dead.

I’ve never felt more useless in my entire life. I don’t have a life, just exist. A man who’s never been married, no kids, no friends (all have left to peruse their lives) no family (every visit seems that they’re so disappointed in me), two prominent careers that have failed miserably, inability to manage money, never smile due to bad teeth, never owned a home, am facing a third time of being homeless in the past 10 years, have absolutely no purpose, have a deep confirmed feeling of insignificance, pray for God to let me die and am constantly looking for ways to end my life.

I’ve been to several psychologists and therapists, all have been no help and been on 50mg Zoloft for over a year but feel it’s loosing its purpose. Have read books by Joel Olsteen, Tony Robins, Phil McGraw and Barry Michaels. These books helped for a month then lose their strength.  

I always try to do things for others first. Am always there for people, pray for them, donate blood bi-monthly, donated a kidney, volunteered at homeless shelters and a local church for over 15 years, spent time providing random meals and blankets for people sleeping on the streets, randomly buying the food for the person behind me in a drive through, post positive words on random networking sites, encouraging peers and giving cash and gift cards to random strangers with the words that “God Loves You”. 

I feel with every breath that I have failed in life, failed God, failed friends who are all gone, failed family who does not visit or speak to me.

Now broke, lonely and crushed I can’t see any reason to go on.

Why me? Why do I have this depression? Why can’t I have a life? Why can’t I fix myself? Why can’t  there be a cure for this? Am I being punished and suicide is the only way out?",7.7507974044700765,7.096663526027397,7.128954578226388,78.16754866618605,63.05479452054794,9.985580389329488,32.63518385003605,9.134995656068208,2.629219178082192,1517,49,286,21,19,471,204,365,0.17600000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.142,-0.9684,0,2,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,1,3,8,7,21,1,3,19,0,34,15,6,1,7,40,48,16,4,0,4,0,5,0,2,0,6,1,1,3,14,15,2,0,8,3,6,5,15,16,0,3,9,8,23,5,44,35,7,48,3,12,2,1,20,20,0,6,19,175,37,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401573796528062,0.0,0.0,0.06293623786495957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727423517999281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001218391174004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971199413377379,0.0,0.09605086004261756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098992443029543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197061086948937,0.19125493654627526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559524144142029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744932119522151,0.0,0.18718146003202032,0.0,0.08886119248572807,0.0,0.0,0.07872181219261383,0.11191016335542843,0.0,0.14300567446357024,0.0,0.0,0.08878107314629484,0.05259751573405795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406678348906408,0.0,0.09283381570374237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055435063767054,0.09463723827693298,0.32684915016698224,0.0,0.0,0.0817221304541562,0.0,0.07771753509144877,0.10353823709893677,0.0,0.0,0.08352874638991893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774285722897726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28551681670731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038739886035589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834813358715471,0.1283231256778001,0.08080988860392084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863599887310658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925736688505466,0.0,0.0,0.09515539929869678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374927092048286,0.0842527912958139,0.0,0.10455360206431734,0.0,0.07655717804343247,0.0,0.09261546138789373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864451906830583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350383227689388,0.0,0.20246634654730192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745608550756648,0.06148519335091983,0.0,0.0,0.07347326957796965,0.107931693679809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283444056231699,0.0,0.09040655768833852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692157970189004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175536901640191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787948383558984
suicidewatch,Valberzu,2019/02/04,"Suicide is the option I think could help me stop hurting others, but something says to me that it is not I feel so much guilt. There are so many things running through my head.

On one hand I can feel either too happy or too shitty in my relationship, he shouts and gets angry because everything and I don’t like that I feel being about at even when he is shouting someone else. If things aren’t as planned everything could be so difficult. I am afraid of him being mad not because he is going to hit me but because he is going to be in a bad mood. I tried to be perfect but I am not I just simply can’t.

On the other hand, I am always portrayed as a cold bitch by my SO and family, because I tried to take emotions out when giving advice and taking decisions. 

I always felt guilty of my triumphs because my sister used to make me feel bad about it. As I grew old I hid my medals and GPA so I had no problems with her. Now I am feeling the same with my SO. I am not selfish I don’t want to be self-centred I even avoid situations where I am the centre of attention.

However I feel that even if I am trying to be good to help others and somehow I end being the worst. I really want to end this pain I am not tan bad person i am really not and if I am I want to stop hurting others. I know it my hurt them at the beginning but in a long term they wouldn’t have to stand me.",2.6661563464976443,3.450760624573384,4.510814236957582,87.57299203640503,74.15358361774744,7.219177636925077,24.8738826588656,7.447530270364453,1.0329916788558429,1065,32,236,12,21,364,143,293,0.251,0.622,0.128,-0.9918,2,1,1,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,2,4,20,22,2,3,9,0,34,4,3,2,1,53,56,26,1,10,16,1,9,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,13,10,0,3,11,0,0,4,12,16,0,1,2,13,46,5,32,42,5,25,0,3,0,0,15,9,1,6,12,179,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086973652020632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178202078617733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585643087380696,0.314623328931572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483264555238775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623078135315686,0.11611361107071455,0.182852445682045,0.0,0.0,0.20453632434897828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855429569442219,0.0,0.09731082342175773,0.0,0.31316029663075107,0.0,0.09911165843395134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393051397388182,0.09902229703352744,0.11732966592240125,0.086579770054766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988434501075114,0.0,0.0,0.1059380645420649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837834406894814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315117215714923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672945741103742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043025152924106,0.0,0.0,0.09135038874800984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890312100729945,0.1046533891865726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758818468957034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831669460930952,0.0,0.06994755785714682,0.0,0.10983809120037864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013160698562324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877185656658703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225645000282416,0.0,0.0,0.11082442715036618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208822467156125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076856123302565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602860518789584,0.0,0.0,0.08746174034286394,0.07946722364080039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260052226851172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291079278836552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522387784777236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715547387281704,0.06614205865751202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024787435418424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915278102956514,0.0,0.0,0.1826533627545052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lunchlady13,2019/02/04,"I'm Ready to Give Up I just don't want to be on this planet any longer. I'm stuck in a horrible relationship with a man who goes to work then comes home and plays video games. He doesn't bathe regularly, he has filled his bedroom with garbage, spit tobacco on the walls, and refuses to do any work around the house at all because he's in terrible pain all the time. I have to work, cook, clean, do all the yardwork, take care of the kids, everything. I never get to go anywhere or do anything, other than work. I told him to leave in November but he wouldn't, even though it's my house. I know I'll never be able to find anyone else because the kids are a liability. I don't want to put that part of my life behind me, so I'd just as soon be dead as be unloved. No one can help and I realize that I'm simply better off dead.",3.6972727272727286,3.7312673636363662,4.997727272727276,87.7290909090909,71.38636363636363,8.672727272727272,26.22727272727273,8.575989854853784,1.4020181818181814,640,18,152,10,11,214,111,176,0.175,0.745,0.079,-0.9489,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,5,7,6,0,0,9,0,15,4,1,0,5,23,29,10,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,6,7,1,1,3,5,0,4,7,3,0,1,2,0,12,3,26,22,4,19,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,1,5,88,18,4,0.1527350837722376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077301889486288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679592184113117,0.15649514272180334,0.12568796007200858,0.13596660627548335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621177886352386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350817697116146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557235971655247,0.0,0.0,0.13156775058121956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759056395381946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088008235268096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726844487943307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959709953848007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797977773628861,0.14651740972596272,0.0868028678891494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237510713514134,0.0,0.15320574228108874,0.0,0.0,0.3524715601365547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839392076737046,0.0,0.0,0.16172440050966608,0.0,0.0,0.10788130658138377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235597424848786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349724557910492,0.0,0.16252089775775072,0.0,0.0,0.16539721180007408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354094490430495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398032046194067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483777488101705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500614443278465,0.0,0.0890610556105992,0.0,0.0,0.14594491786259356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801742192768669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447718402090289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsanityIsBlissful,2019/02/04,"Helium tank in the UK on a budget? Hi,

​

I don´t really know if this is a good place to post this but I couldn´t find anywhere else and my Google results are less than desirable on the matter. 

​

Basically, I am becoming pretty set on the idea of killing myself using a helium-fed face mask, I know there are other ways but I would prefer this more peaceful approach. The problem I am having is that I can get a face mask easy, but I can´t seem to find a helium tank to hook it up to like you would with an oxygen tank. The only ones I can find are balloon ones with those nozzles specifically for blowing up balloons.

​

So, my question is; where can I get a helium tank that I could hook up to the face mask? Could I somehow make the balloon one fit by doing something with the nozzle, does a balloon one even have the pressure and quantity necessary for death? I am not sure but I would really appreciate help with this if anyone knows about it.

​

Thanks.",3.827031250000001,5.773605140625001,4.7004166666666665,82.73625000000001,73.11458333333334,7.508333333333333,26.583333333333336,8.278499904357787,1.8464520833333329,785,28,146,13,16,254,108,192,0.096,0.728,0.177,0.9444,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,1,17,0,20,3,3,3,1,36,29,9,2,10,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,10,0,1,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,18,4,22,24,2,14,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,5,1,107,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100561445695911,0.4598645968279631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615618392301767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449353249417764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108287545462526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279719284763523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903770734173779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249153682311099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594259565246057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988636334582192,0.0,0.0,0.07935758461097404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341765022494153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680748811914974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104676175363856,0.0,0.15599184590984827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622353409061924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315546058667257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564510964844712,0.07195807476644966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885130601576587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906138873886169,0.0962562708200438,0.0,0.09053264936725763,0.0,0.0,0.10598913354924194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122407364684867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613286971115673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283834225806964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917240712160951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710769513429309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171596389528528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751000476517683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016328327215753,0.0,0.4598645968279631,0.0
suicidewatch,stedtler2,2019/02/04,"Being short is awful. Women never see you as desirable. They would be happier with a taller man.

You only have value if you have money. 

Only ugly and desperate girls will settle with you. ",1.9865714285714304,4.835811657142859,4.334285714285716,76.45571428571431,89.57142857142857,6.2285714285714295,15.571428571428573,7.554174236665415,1.0102571428571427,148,3,22,3,5,51,29,35,0.192,0.626,0.181,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,7,8,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833286738339082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7560047375400081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960566742679365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530652565767728,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stuckinmyhead13,2019/02/04,"Life RUINED by anti depressant Fuck the pharma company they have destroyed my life. I'm suffering from constant blank mind and no emotions from pills I took to ""help"" my depression. Nothing has come back I believe it's permanent. I will kill myself because of this. Life doesn't get better , I was born to suffer and live in constant pain. Fuck everything , it cost money to do anything.",3.4396126760563384,6.37237723943662,4.158573943661973,81.05504401408452,79.4225352112676,6.930281690140845,28.59330985915493,8.07648339933343,2.498759154929578,308,14,50,6,8,98,57,71,0.451,0.5489999999999999,0.0,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,1,11,4,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,0,4,12,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,10,0,0,2,0,8,1,8,9,0,7,0,5,0,2,2,1,2,0,4,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525831776531824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425749615939898,0.0,0.11302906387839398,0.0,0.0,0.20890253964193475,0.0,0.16398711263835522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597211494948484,0.0,0.4007418750582747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194004244722121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085702418735325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666417013945885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428318217010071,0.09687322821306547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428174624137033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513749434020326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928985534843759,0.0,0.0,0.16372745055170804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872192770004984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791352778164635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729777618093608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600616950072625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glandhf,2019/02/04,"I feel like I’m forced to stay alive Hey, 

I’ve wanted to go some where else for years, but there always is something in front of it. 

I was planning to go away at 17.2. since that is the day after proms here. Now I’m forced to be in a project where I can’t leave. 

If I was to kill myself, they would not be able to do the project, so I would have to stay alive until that is done. 

The thing is just that it is really hard to keep going on and even if I were to survive until that project was done, I am scared of being forced onto another one. That would just postpone it again.


I was originally going to ask what others would do in my position, but it is impossible for others to answer I guess. 

I was planning to post this on r/depression but it was more about suicidal thoughts so I guess it fits here better. 

Have you ever had this feeling? What ways did you use to cope with it?

Sorry for being so sad, just had to vent up some where since I don’t want to do it IRL.",2.103967391304348,3.2160644541062813,3.4788134057971014,93.1643070652174,75.95652173913044,6.527657004830918,20.666968599033815,6.9077264865688965,0.1489229468599036,750,16,177,7,16,246,110,207,0.17800000000000002,0.759,0.063,-0.9832,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,1,4,17,5,1,1,4,0,34,0,0,2,1,29,50,11,2,8,9,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,20,2,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,13,3,17,2,34,29,3,31,0,1,0,0,5,13,0,6,10,136,37,4,0.13633294112951472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343992842396244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295697586241352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745289636184304,0.0,0.12808928599716846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057540745010988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792346848572052,0.0,0.11742336242423546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790318651232894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388867845279875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004662182945396,0.12332095045982674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378680627632474,0.097396280383535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30992460895105783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003722099316999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212753673336628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117898219617383,0.15083219995410427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435689973345905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660538859302861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238272923360784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305692716963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873383730920401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649305754451935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22555203545615024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495575870637094,0.0,0.152613565852204,0.0,0.2906255511380895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912610986394567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057354819718703,0.0,0.0,0.10823312671953393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774788831224255,0.0,0.0,0.16082540188578645,0.1082147428925416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873880391809376,0.0,0.0,0.08779394423635364
suicidewatch,KarakitIshtari,2019/02/04,"1.3-2.8 seconds Hello everyone,

I am posting this because I need some help, to prevent me from doing it, to assure me of life's beauty, to remind me of life as a fallacy, or maybe just to keep myself calm. I'm not entirely sure why. It's also possible I just want to post to speak about my thoughts so others know, to take no sides for or against, to just ""put it out there"" as it were.

I know I am suicidal, but not for reasons as many would wish to take their own life. From what I gather, many choose to die or create harm on themselves because they seek ""attention"". I think this is a lie, especially for those like me who try to do the unthinkable without others knowing about it. After all, if you seek to do something when no one is looking, are you really looking for attention in that regard? I think not. 

I titled this as 1.3-2.8 seconds because that is the time amount I presume to be most accurate each time I find myself in a state of wanting to ""end it all"". I shouldn't want to end it, I'm quite happy where I am at. I have a person I love more then anything, whom I would give my own life for. I have a nice job where I make a surprisingly good amount of money (I work for the park service) and there is nothing bad about it! I get the freedom to immerse myself in nature, to bask in mother nature. Yeah, I have to deal with people young and old on occasion but not so much that it is a drain.

Yet, I still come back to a desire to end all of it. The knowledge of knowing death is an eventuality, the curiosity of what is after (regardless of whether it be heaven, hell or nothing), and the rush I get as I ""prepare"" for the end state, seem to mostly be the reasons why I wish to do it. 

1.3-2.8 seconds is also how much time seems to pass when I do plan out doing it. Each time I plan it, that amount of time seems to get me closer to the finite end. Each time I plan it 1.3-2.8 seconds pass on top of the next time, leading me just a few more seconds closer to that finite destiny.

What do you all think of this? I'm not looking for a positive reason to do it, nor am I looking for reasons not to do it. I'm just wanting to create conversation on the ideals of others whom desire to end.

Sorry if this was slightly long winded.",4.406554802955668,4.32380492025862,5.648288177339902,84.08267241379312,69.8405172413793,8.180295566502464,28.64039408866995,7.7094869923839395,1.5971437192118234,1729,56,371,18,28,581,196,464,0.073,0.769,0.158,0.9899,1,0,1,0,0,0,71.0,0,3,2,8,22,14,1,0,23,1,33,5,0,7,6,80,69,26,3,16,21,1,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,37,10,0,2,21,0,1,6,11,3,0,6,3,5,45,11,77,60,20,52,2,0,4,1,18,17,1,12,26,279,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349252975334114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353874931435086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059371123885063326,0.06446864489270088,0.1412028271818188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651114647133884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960199647100685,0.0,0.0,0.08013367939912361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103205311426573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377920323046158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057020503399299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101996807326595,0.0740686137433721,0.0,0.06476161166010061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219341856197325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051753455657668916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662081776599385,0.06862941363887347,0.0,0.0,0.1697343889094602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814796868855355,0.03772179532692259,0.0,0.0,0.06833003133821762,0.2593539313628233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968668246021525,0.0,0.05153948967548695,0.1565613340189531,0.07756965156413613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351914419736295,0.05725158647792716,0.0,0.0,0.08211564694261292,0.0,0.0,0.1481736481729911,0.0,0.08102081708182672,0.0,0.05232072775951662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352895438935025,0.06741838337306172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704472620990518,0.14789516124618016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761920554820001,0.0,0.08212427518444229,0.0,0.0,0.04946386926881726,0.31754644391998554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108722242523722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944143157086824,0.0,0.08643231151107217,0.0,0.0,0.06166145950866921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844571995302001,0.0,0.0727712269610518,0.0,0.11610735961984643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842265050373374,0.0,0.06129756075223116,0.31515983376688633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242175773345403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821661286408494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934331675813552,0.0,0.17757956587706392,0.07442943955373993,0.0,0.0562111248383164,0.0,0.0,0.10969812379122353,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonesave,2019/02/04,"help me crisis
two suicidal people in one household
one snorted cocaine and tons of vodka and other medicine
i spimply want to just jump out of my own window
i am a bad perosn,or at least what’s the other mentally ill person said about me
or perhaps i am mentally ill
i don’t want to be here
i don’t want to be in this situation
i probably did something wrong
I WAS A HORRIBLE CHILD TO MY PARENTS
SO THEY SAID I COULD KILL MYSELF WHEN IN THREATENED TO DO SO
so am i an attention seeker
I’ve been so
manipulated
Maybe it’s better off..
I can’t even feel my self harm pain anymore
",1.059930643127366,3.264578549180328,3.642131147540983,85.66535308953344,83.18032786885246,6.376796973518286,24.13871374527112,7.61054688173877,1.3570585119798233,461,18,94,8,13,161,81,122,0.317,0.615,0.068,-0.9905,1,0,4,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,1,0,4,0,13,3,0,1,0,12,19,8,2,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,3,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,3,5,4,17,1,14,11,3,8,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,1,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050715680222687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197255280644836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609749664283058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453219010738233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021731655334734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203081807553568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199891568904002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136949015881028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828556810543905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668508996147656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466723032735932,0.0,0.1936737734211266,0.0,0.20210296646590187,0.0,0.0,0.12618431581971304,0.15892599952024156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962398953942497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462704932872672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987838058035625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045892963537992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401218547920406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909176370699974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779943509421514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220664671619942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990017266473147,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Who_Is_JohnGalt_,2019/02/04,Killing myself today Just wanted to say goodbye. Today is my last day on Earth,2.1020000000000003,4.949599533333338,3.068333333333332,86.4225,87.0,3.0,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.07166666666666678,63,2,10,0,2,20,14,15,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458973174674308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218354211361551,0.0,0.0,0.31079820915977746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30321317929644365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7228272990564546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22489180411916446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TLCaro,2019/02/04,"What about Sactioned Suicide dot com? Hi, I really need to talk a bit with someone who are in the my situation. As r/sanctionedsuicide has been banned from reddit, can I somehow ""trust"" that website?",5.110833333333336,7.3762728611111115,5.478888888888887,77.155,70.3888888888889,8.133333333333335,31.44444444444445,8.841846274778883,2.813344444444444,157,7,27,3,3,50,35,36,0.208,0.792,0.0,-0.8343,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44659550359229255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033181921663243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620589633783064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598087427436845,0.0,0.0,0.3466013643799466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474531913068887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287927707248124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wera_1987,2019/02/04,"I just want to die Please, kill me. I can't take this anymore. This world is shit, humans are shit.",-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-2.045552380952381,75,1,19,0,3,23,18,21,0.503,0.382,0.115,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197884124499094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346570656048005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567483456863089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539584250787535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6619902236624756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424458015459856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019213432061624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asthrowaway16,2019/02/04,"I’ll probably kill myself at some point after my parents die Many times in the past (every winter for the last few years, actually) there has been a point where the only thing keeping me alive has been the thought of how much it would hurt my parents if I killed myself.

Once they’re dead, and I reach that point for the first time, I’ll probably do it.  There’s nobody else in my life who I think couldn’t cope with my suicide, and nobody who’s close enough to me to be really, really badly affected on a long-term basis.",14.543459119496848,6.21558064150944,12.995660377358494,64.82261006289312,58.62264150943397,16.39748427672956,43.82389937106918,11.20814326018867,4.576223899371072,412,9,86,6,3,133,75,106,0.262,0.7070000000000001,0.031,-0.984,2,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,7,0,8,1,0,2,0,13,11,4,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,11,0,11,5,4,17,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,2,8,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1486090416720335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715234051020408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804869027806276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721530353423308,0.0,0.0,0.15735201234502688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283074135563708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295342832728183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302517354428686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535867841722982,0.3369635043723869,0.0,0.0,0.12413330941848286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075640136474964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476820284109392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543939700225001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111947636726612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621794815345704,0.0,0.11582026644033044,0.0,0.0,0.338190873754992,0.0,0.14537409447209154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318781110332714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32837984938814185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511645571855232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665760248423976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011719653139454,0.09757863649679664,0.0,0.12089797032627048,0.1775982309582452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081795127914299,0.0,0.0,0.09806710742652222
suicidewatch,The-big-ginger,2019/02/04,"The only future i see is me in a box. i'm 21, Stuck after getting kicked out of uni in a high stress job i hate, constantly undervalued by management, haven't been paid in two months and constantly analysed by my mother about money i have borrowed from her that i feel ridiculously guilty about borrowing. i have 20 pounds till the end of the month,  I have no future that i see worth living for and the only actual enjoyment i get out  of life comes from being so drunk i forget for a while who i am, i've been so fucking down for so long i've forgot what it feels like to be happy and the only reason i didn't off myself sooner is cause i think my immediate family would be sad although i think now they'd probably be better off. i'm kinda scared of doing it but only cause i think i'm too much of a fucking pussy to do it properly and i'd end up hospitalised with a whole new set of problems. i just want to die please.",5.084540744229868,4.661328626943007,6.476561469618468,79.8792133772963,68.43005181347151,9.919736222326897,26.871879415920862,9.573946990214177,2.0795844559585492,727,18,153,14,11,249,117,193,0.14800000000000002,0.7829999999999999,0.07,-0.9253,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,4,2,10,0,18,4,0,3,0,24,38,11,1,3,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,6,1,5,1,3,8,0,1,6,4,21,4,30,26,2,26,0,1,2,2,4,10,2,1,15,102,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.12786622959563013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588525183089228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692074938373418,0.0,0.11287061119704672,0.0,0.2831934312590012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598829446046096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210710582035524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352327859313768,0.0,0.13250525551296094,0.09360774902882454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422699647202182,0.13691537422089936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394837088466423,0.0,0.12936484692819974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844022761665595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002690512021145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255025609835807,0.06401456477425757,0.0,0.11570175566574907,0.11595729151325715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091735478929552,0.0,0.0963220141878282,0.0,0.0,0.12654944293542705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986164129412678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383142471347862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412723369453784,0.12537786781391094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472050592355406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118373540027115,0.0,0.20882764747195545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500942472770148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518759060191684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799712134408275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728479875156265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629014506591645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307984402900232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsayjayfcker,2019/02/04,"I haven't felt in a long time. There hasn't been any feeling. Nothing except the need for death is constant, until today. For some reason, as I was sitting here reading others posts.. I suddenly felt something. I'm crying right now. I actually feel for the first time in years, because I know it's time. Acceptance, finally.

I needed help for so long, and no one would help me. And now, no one can.",1.5017948717948713,4.003152256410259,3.069487179487183,88.49217948717953,84.12820512820512,5.51794871794872,22.76923076923077,6.937597516519254,0.8800923076923075,308,11,60,4,9,101,57,78,0.165,0.731,0.104,-0.599,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,15,5,1,3,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,4,7,1,9,10,1,19,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,14,41,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.17769948027365395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383156053101264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100406388995487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678114272541697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002396389295266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841464717669722,0.0,0.34968153513608397,0.1994773255204475,0.0,0.15489080984721693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24411029210991025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007522862786286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32229855374652544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700438322674911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472607422466913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467859966928819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743976829888148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214533100058128,0.0,0.0,0.18722507076753145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550903449605416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018643817889415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185450190350658,0.0,0.17260576652226042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293558116182363,0.0,0.0,0.11726388802164685
suicidewatch,americandeskjob,2019/02/04,"There is no light at the end. The world is broken and there's no fixing it, nor is there any fixing me. Hi. I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting here. I guess just looking to feel less alone. Suicide is kind of always in the back of my mind. I know my life, and most people's lives, don't matter. I don't really want to be here anymore, and I don't want to talk about why. Anyone else feel like that? ",-0.05611111111111099,1.7527026818181817,2.03469696969697,97.89010101010102,84.68181818181819,4.8202020202020215,15.459595959595964,5.82211442006289,-0.8503828282828283,308,5,75,2,9,103,58,88,0.22,0.752,0.028,-0.9195,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,15,17,4,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,8,16,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,3,44,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416887668603712,0.0,0.0,0.17206327575548286,0.0,0.0,0.14062219087262828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050770509471168,0.14459021658402982,0.21187762781948696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900637078006324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274393027483662,0.0,0.18315182601743968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911535145235446,0.14772861092224174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277990964239916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533674714175408,0.11364467863751765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605971103629534,0.10102563976814488,0.0,0.18259663140177065,0.0,0.1736489250792131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087958323333788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336000756157896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804470007349498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324729906140928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261913183510297,0.0,0.1948942169039891,0.0,0.0,0.16620748654695805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393655618099894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731860480367639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miss-wallflower,2019/02/04,Suicide note or notes? Should I write one note to everyone in my life or one for every person who has played an important role?,3.848399999999998,5.5868116400000005,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,72.6,8.200000000000001,24.5,8.841846274778883,1.7033999999999998,101,3,20,2,2,32,22,25,0.162,0.6990000000000001,0.14,-0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463579411801307,0.3928105802488955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903624138261533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5571254372607471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589447043700364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496616946380527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_takabaka_,2019/02/04,"I am 16,and I don't want to live anymore. For a past few months,I felt awful all the time,and had no hope for things to get better.Then my crush started to give me some signs about her feelings.I thought that when we will start dating,everything will change to good.

I knew from her friends,that she is struggling with the decision whether she need to start a relationship or not.

Well,today she decided not to.Now I absolutely have no hope,I feel bad all the time,I want to kill myself,and probably will do it soon.

Yes,I know,I am young and stupid,and I am dramatizing.",2.5756410256410263,4.335435324786328,3.395222222222224,91.55950000000004,76.09401709401709,7.073162393162392,23.66581196581196,7.908726449838941,0.9680776068376064,451,14,101,7,10,143,78,117,0.2,0.748,0.052000000000000005,-0.928,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,5,1,11,0,0,0,2,21,24,4,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,2,13,2,11,17,4,7,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536585296692676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606318540263595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530791624510913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977274443077169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679838858912628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450800397076156,0.0,0.17946422537469614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765347555789118,0.1793024162115879,0.0,0.15677238794619205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712903258500033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067897360197218,0.0,0.10272159997184664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504616275862533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859241139581324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784280506933936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152206837843686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006728601397492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968904859509601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954003451629651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417560791240193,0.0,0.0,0.14838674838483984,0.2179790441450231,0.0,0.17717012236329904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204903356932208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805576743253325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fleetwoodsix,2019/02/04,"I’ll probably kill myself some time after my parents die Many times in the past (every winter for the last few years, actually) there has been a point where the only thing keeping me alive has been the thought of how much it would hurt my parents if I killed myself.

Once they’re dead, and I reach that point for the first time, I’ll probably do it.  There’s nobody else in my life who I think couldn’t cope with my suicide, and nobody who’s close enough to me to be really, really badly affected on a long-term basis.",14.416571428571427,6.257264752380955,12.894285714285722,64.9557142857143,58.61904761904761,16.285714285714292,43.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,4.547285714285714,409,9,85,6,3,132,74,105,0.264,0.705,0.031,-0.984,2,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,7,0,8,1,0,2,0,13,11,4,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,11,0,10,5,4,16,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,9,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.15362170224566635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144125534976855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337975512820535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150634214947501,0.0,0.0,0.16265957788470925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263528961291804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339035422855264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852409777353106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992439731943834,0.3483294593244973,0.0,0.0,0.12832039076289942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119220399369643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931400469379532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960175925006553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157236889682332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764988013073834,0.0,0.11972694450433652,0.0,0.0,0.3495982285172636,0.0,0.15027763858750295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29763039015258685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394562731755729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169783565239136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219472114004766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045845485321683,0.10087001485771636,0.0,0.12497592199373472,0.2753830680353445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182846424514524,0.0,0.0,0.10137496216696266
suicidewatch,throwaway89165,2019/02/04,"It's the only choice I finally started making the practical preparations again. Note is written. Apartment cleaned. Day is set.

​

Honestly, it's such a relief. Better of course it were done already but... I think I need a few days since the note is written. So people know I didn't do it spontaneously.

​

In some sense I'm scared, the method I'm going for has it's risks, especially if I'm found (which shouldn't be a problem, but there is always that chance).

​

Lately I've been thinking about committing suicide a lot and why it's the only choice. I've suffered for nearly 20 years. At this point, looking at my grandparents, I can look at 60 to 70 more years of suffering. And you know what? Fuck that. It's definitely not worth it. Even if life somehow got a little better (which it wouldn't) it's just mathematics. To get to even, well, even it would take 20 years of of ecstacy to balance out this hell. Being even not miserable for the rest of my life? Will not result in my life having been a decent experience.

​

Ramble over. Sorry I found this place so late.",2.7613893653516333,5.31386539622642,3.697427101200688,85.71729845626074,79.0,6.496054888507719,24.2590051457976,7.686295010490155,1.380964150943397,872,31,164,14,22,279,125,212,0.152,0.726,0.122,-0.8962,1,0,1,0,0,1,51.0,0,1,0,2,13,13,2,3,12,0,19,4,0,2,1,28,40,8,1,7,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,19,3,0,0,6,0,1,1,6,8,1,0,10,2,10,5,21,24,5,24,1,3,2,1,1,12,2,5,10,107,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888119491300038,0.0,0.07455842443345176,0.3883473281707063,0.43551886702219694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849644000661572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557544811769882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169688538839607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23673266873256515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765075021716325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815774798870977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964942154438339,0.0,0.08283825232721875,0.04681484281505709,0.0,0.05092450880739322,0.0,0.07166519481017554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848897909511377,0.0,0.2021563776260389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987169482139332,0.0,0.08980761315544357,0.0,0.0,0.1504910353661691,0.0,0.0,0.07617885055090201,0.0,0.0,0.059811942103606915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644087082193388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629707271032548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212072996766984,0.0,0.0936180108158154,0.0,0.08470555875156484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573975285967986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971009994461662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412206894436084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003053085028887,0.06342278349861345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801317708692228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737170580375276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483035674443202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056553329588152,0.0,0.08085445206131074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365272406059162,0.0,0.43551886702219694,0.17310778263003967
suicidewatch,GuiltyVariation,2019/02/04,"Can I just die?  I have one great friend, who I think is going to leave me, I dropped out  of high school, am constantly tired, my parents constantly give me a  hard time, cant find work no one wants to employ me. Been looking for 2  years now. Tried to finish high school 3 times, dropped out every time.  Feel worthless. Am too busy trying to kill myself all the time to even  be happy. No money, no job, no one wants to employ me, cant finish high  school and am now 21. Can I just die already? My parents feed me and  wants nothing to do with me the only person who makes me happy wants  nothing to do with me. I cant work or go to school so what do I live  for? I cant get money and if it werent for my parents giving me food I'd  be homeless and starve to death. SO whats the point? im 21and my life  is pointless. Why cant i just die? ",-0.3809668508287274,1.558089839779008,1.6301077348066286,99.49455386740331,87.06629834254144,4.061988950276244,16.784806629834257,4.935628992294339,-0.9270333701657458,635,14,154,2,20,210,93,181,0.175,0.71,0.115,-0.9185,7,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,4,0,19,4,0,1,1,22,32,8,5,5,5,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,3,0,2,2,9,2,0,3,1,3,23,4,18,29,1,21,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,2,11,92,28,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081502587680776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181581346269587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30513918791643885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473096174861863,0.0,0.0825729081912844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955395391726288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957421821735173,0.0,0.11850727260786617,0.0,0.07571793275960771,0.0,0.0512032380786859,0.18802944294436186,0.11139628338841458,0.0,0.0,0.1080501633513734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865494741736731,0.08779266504537213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31064099154648783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586153668621384,0.0,0.0972542143990812,0.0,0.10842731428815804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377247657878484,0.0,0.0,0.06922338450613849,0.0,0.0,0.08653965378522091,0.0,0.08229898734257342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541867765268981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807567144116066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992308914235452,0.07453673924512405,0.0,0.0,0.3264667628589413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557363523615674,0.0,0.0,0.09264580698217176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39674261652020903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279724272783951,0.0,0.0,0.2285885439255129,0.11264160570654527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307706741936526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312220653294925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843369986250249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426966964339925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311160075374284
suicidewatch,VehicleOfPain,2019/02/04,"Today I finally experienced the most dangerous emotion I used to think it was anger. I've always had a bad temper. But no.

I've long had a wife who loves to start fights with me. I've wanted to hurt her, but never have. Today she decided was another great time to start a fight.

This time, I don't feel anger. I feel a lack of desire to deal with it. I feel only a desire to make it stop. I feel apathy. Like my hand is resting on a hot stove.

I have had ideations of killing her and our child and myself.

Don't worry, I probably won't. But if I do, it will be ""all my fault"". Not the one who has been picking on me passive-aggressively for 25 years.

Fuck you.

Not reading replies.",-0.030970793911968997,2.145339090909093,2.296182640888521,93.58237350884413,88.16083916083916,5.60246812011518,18.90127519539284,7.048011613610866,0.2532652406417117,522,15,119,8,17,177,89,143,0.246,0.6,0.154,-0.905,0,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,1,1,0,0,0,14,8,0,8,0,16,3,1,3,2,27,28,6,1,5,6,1,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,11,0,1,6,7,19,3,13,19,4,13,0,1,0,2,13,2,1,2,12,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488878939531587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762849516723826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940288940320895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447368166069464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201277304021632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618987739749987,0.0,0.0,0.1960140719747678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542212394480654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197275991891326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155315486325167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979645871033941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741839113725157,0.0,0.0,0.15835146111621398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614954328543496,0.0,0.1194402129702034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380053690920351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125069351093945,0.13608780135860912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292172728995813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898298930700318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25330161508936105,0.0,0.0,0.149597310231676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465404551854788,0.0,0.0,0.2086763700266368,0.0,0.3392180946288679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545420148955096,0.0,0.0,0.10554024369380287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817167385521337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522799459410275
suicidewatch,Tarzan124,2019/02/04,Suicide I am 26 and I don't want to live anymore. ,-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666628,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,107.33333333333331,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.4351333333333329,38,2,10,0,2,14,11,12,0.45,0.55,0.0,-0.6929,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453002529144996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855247762968724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6014431284936256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243138741420957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,honeyxsugaa,2019/02/04,"today hey everyone.
today i am going to die.
i’m going to walk in front of the train that is express that comes by everyday when I wait for the train to take me home.
i have to.. i HAVE to do this..
depression is such an unbearable pain & no one gets that. it turns from mental to physical and i’ve gone as far as i can go..

i feel super sad to leave my loved ones,
but i can’t deal with this pain any longer.

i want to say that my job is the #1 cause for my death. Although, entirely my fault for taking this job only in regards to money, I have reached out to my manager to express how I am depressed and nothing was done about it.

no one gives a shit if i die. 
only if i die will they actually believe that my depression was the truth.
only if i die will i actually fucking mean something .
my death could be a door opener for all who suffer silently or in people’s face who then still turn a blind eye.. 

i fucking hate this world. i always have. and i know it’s my fault and i fucking hate myself too.
i hate myself for creating a life that is destroying me. and i’ve came so far it’s so hard to pick up the pieces and make a turn around.

i hope i can make an imprint before i leave..

please, please, help those who reach out.
please don’t turn a blind eye.
please help others.. please..",0.7846840958605661,2.7063858235294127,2.6550653594771276,93.97010893246193,82.30882352941177,5.794335511982571,19.63289760348584,6.937597516519254,0.16181165577342016,992,26,228,12,27,330,141,272,0.307,0.581,0.112,-0.9974,2,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,1,9,21,8,0,13,0,22,13,4,5,2,32,52,19,6,6,5,0,2,0,0,2,5,1,2,0,19,13,0,1,3,0,1,8,4,17,0,3,5,7,35,4,31,43,2,25,0,5,4,4,13,11,4,5,6,147,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.15805605845322798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738460191153127,0.08774538327170202,0.0,0.05507142828865662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209231595128453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891083267375044,0.0912404591122068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926233332013144,0.0,0.08319216793316643,0.0,0.0697599513860291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465858389451391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349023733098973,0.2092524204308074,0.0,0.3361915634201504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287404361581564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738302380451145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040947595148751084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246032972879784,0.042310437359888375,0.07768657086966307,0.13807404513715232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254513961307679,0.2398627597670465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856281216844654,0.0,0.08123286357314102,0.08043470027288578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072687981154665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450630964527018,0.0,0.0,0.1714992658557989,0.0,0.0,0.057200907284135724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730905996752458,0.0,0.10811397742999528,0.0,0.0,0.0882145663858732,0.0,0.0,0.08161212967297156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770567071560487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462916151468074,0.18477437102677616,0.17234390459226784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614363086577052,0.0,0.0,0.4444767813952488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440117907336425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312820463678798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234490903696304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467337650795091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177874224632415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352541876202325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523463482444114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776605483579696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,msihcrana,2019/02/04,"How do I shut my head up? Hi, not talking around it for long. First of all there's little risk I'll do something or so I guess.

I am starting haloperidol tomorrow morning because pharmacies didn't have it today. I had an emergency psych appointment today after trying on Friday and having to wait the whole weekend and that really was torture.

Now my head didn't exactly shut up and neither did the pressure go away and idk the suicidal part of myself is quite loud and it's close to unbearable and idk what to do about it. It almost feels like it knows it might be made to shut up soon so it's going as hard as it can.

I have many reasons to go but also some to stay but I'm somewhat afraid to, like, lose this slight illusion of control and not know what I'm doing anymore. I mean I lost someone to suicide and I can't inflict this pain on the ones I love but fuck it is unbearable..

I'm bipolar, ultradian cycling. Also maybe experiencing psychotic symptoms. This is hell. Everything beyond can just be better. It is evening. Tomorrow 9am I get the pills and hope they will calm me the heck down and I won't react in a paradox way.",1.8106149927219768,4.155578000000002,3.53823689956332,86.68994632459975,81.22707423580786,6.436754002911207,25.26219068413392,7.6454224807358475,1.4993186317321692,898,36,177,15,24,299,142,229,0.166,0.7390000000000001,0.095,-0.9557,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,6,13,15,3,3,8,0,25,8,2,5,2,37,44,21,2,1,7,0,2,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,17,12,0,2,5,1,0,3,7,9,0,2,7,4,16,6,26,32,6,31,1,2,0,2,4,15,3,7,13,126,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402495836656975,0.0,0.0,0.2140692399454497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273681369148793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914911526863788,0.0,0.0,0.12575039922592984,0.0,0.0,0.0815897716062533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837372271725875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011689617809293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884023870993432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028993154795935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767530866464183,0.09561784224186302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384723546581478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373618373958688,0.06992771853059047,0.0,0.2281990820043914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744373434996375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989751040566902,0.0,0.2747241445746536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329368220170439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711380396460966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077837292896916,0.13414637574342464,0.0,0.11844730934929493,0.0,0.14973667056694098,0.14610602016485966,0.0,0.12079900847747088,0.12664598119665713,0.0,0.13569632853592184,0.1344638123968686,0.1457948381875508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198683074747084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069583761255393,0.0,0.14241894911509892,0.0,0.0,0.1449394964962935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235906580680338,0.0,0.0,0.08574359048507803,0.13761343709029594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340518586292946,0.1030392858828042,0.0,0.0,0.09473513711106993,0.1426593910503902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928061891267876,0.0,0.0,0.13911467204755742,0.0,0.10757835688598404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25373602686176816,0.0,0.0,0.0908709689324458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623876161796454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943151777044394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reptisessive,2019/02/04,"What is a person like me supposed to do? I'm poor, have several diagnosed mental illnesses, and desperately need medication to properly function. Unfortunately for me, I live in Florida. I jave severe depression, anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, and binge eating disorder. My only wish in my life is that I could find a doctor who can prescribe the medications I NEED. to function in society. In particular, without ADHD medication I am completely unable to work. 


My entire life depends on receiving a medication I need that nobody here is willing to prescribe. Doesn't matter that I have a ton of medical and prescription history (from Illinois, where I lived previously), doesn't matter what my symptoms are, nothing matters. Fucking lawmakers have made it so that doctors here can lose their license if they prescribe too many stimulants, opiates, or benzos - so NONE of them will prescribe ANYTHING because they care too fucking much about their own asses and not about treating sick people. If anybody knows how I can get the help I need, specifically in Tallahassee or the panhandle... You'd be saving my life. Because, without help, soon I'll be jobless because I can't perform otherwise. Then I'll lose my SO because I'll be even poorer than I am now, with $30 in my bank account. Then I really will fucking end it all. I am so desperate just for COMPETENT MENTAL HEALTH CARE!!!!!",7.799879032258066,9.105304875000003,8.583225806451614,61.13233870967744,62.75,11.845161290322581,41.709677419354854,11.578365685549247,5.697608064516129,1131,65,163,35,16,381,148,248,0.165,0.76,0.075,-0.9592,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,5,5,16,11,3,0,7,0,25,20,1,4,1,30,39,15,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,3,15,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,2,0,3,1,7,6,0,0,1,0,29,5,23,30,5,14,0,3,0,4,12,8,4,5,6,122,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787726927867215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934378773807287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459376863650248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210273496678493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483886557716545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504039511058653,0.0,0.0,0.07237329418026893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807309341674322,0.09200357739051583,0.0,0.0,0.31166381476725863,0.1855596314962559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275328160592372,0.0,0.0,0.08028527236567543,0.0,0.0,0.0598706950032127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284861763477089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140174017730804,0.04735868844481229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963522450085758,0.0,0.0,0.1215159359957914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981656025888585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207742456934448,0.04428495844715088,0.0,0.16008380155325444,0.0,0.0,0.20281892443097765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577124625703693,0.0,0.09190061225043873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565805277961306,0.18269928952159986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663509173101803,0.26885084405290005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869770883839716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894021440943676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284238330406111,0.15829682974390386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058070019632429325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480790199089685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421569228975213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423819475946502,0.17475863008723885,0.0,0.06599122088857202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungdankmemes,2019/02/04,"i’m thinking of ending it i’ve been going through a lot recently (i’m a kid) and im not sure what to do. i’m losing friends to depression and i’m not sure where to turn. i’ve written lots of suicide notes to loved ones and friends and to one close friend. (i’m a boy and she’s a girl- thought i’d include) and i think i will kill myself soon. 
if anyone cares, please help me. ",-1.557142857142857,0.4119237619047631,0.7661904761904772,102.03714285714287,97.09523809523807,3.752380952380953,18.904761904761905,5.46131890053228,-0.5416238095238093,292,10,73,2,12,97,53,84,0.203,0.575,0.223,0.2206,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,17,16,7,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,0,5,7,8,12,2,6,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,3,3,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036254627109226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008707721246654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605797145549888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512969520284035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321271340903648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595763102729816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496619169378136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201386209718864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062672292318217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857765182704868,0.0,0.31700769345798024,0.16826855730041465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526719041913887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046541336128634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408610865663488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039341035741441,0.0,0.3514332707890942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892528088347745,0.0,0.14801181157821752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279219199386472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skvppie,2019/02/04,"I meant it. Look...bug.

You’ll never read this. You’ll never even know this exists. You blocked me on all forms of social media, leaving only read text messages being communication. 

Two years. I was an ass, okay I get it. I really do. I shouldn’t have shit talked tv shows you liked, or got so upset when you spent all day setting up your second pc screen. We just live different lives. I believe if you have something extra, donate it. I don’t believe in the lavish extravagant video game systems, the duel screens so you can watch Netflix and play games at the same time.  It was how I was raised.

I shouldn’t have snapped when you always let me choose dinner, or got me gifts. The guilt ate at me bug. I never told you how bad money was at my house. You knew it was bad, but I couldn’t admit to you it was 3 months behind in the house payment bad.

I shouldn’t have done what I did, when you left. Or the days after. The two weeks. I’m sorry I called, I’m sorry I texted. I’m sorry I told you I wanted to die. 

I just wished you realized it wasn’t because of you. My grandma moved 300 miles away. I’ve lived with her my entire life. I had to clean the old apartment because they were hoarders. You said you didn’t even “know” me anymore, you hadn’t in months. Maybe that’s when I started getting bad again.

It’s hard to be happy or open when everything is crushing you. It’s hard to live when you’ve had to act like a grown up since you were 10.  I told you to grow up when we fought. You never made decisions. You did grow up I guess. And that meant getting rid of me. 

I tried therapy. 

It didn’t help.

Maybe if I had left you alone, you would’ve come back. But I fucked up. I always do. I’m so scared of people leaving I push them away further.

I found the only photo of us from New Years 2017. We slept on the floor in a sleeping bag, waiting for the rose parade. Neither of us knew what to do in the cold, so we zipped two sleeping bags together and slept with each other. You kissed my head every time I coughed, I was getting sick. The sick that followed me for over two years. But I never told you, because no one wants to know someone has an expiration date. 

I found the video from when I snuck over to your house when your parents were on vacation, you let me braid your hair as we watched hockey.  You didn’t have a beard back then. We were just kids.

Im sorry I was so awful. 
I wish I could take it back. 
Fix it.
But you said you’d never give me that chance.
The guilt eats at me. 


Moana 2 is being made. Our first kiss was seeing Moana. We were supposed to see Star Wars, but it was full.  

I wish I didn’t, but I meant it.
I meant the fact I don’t want to be alive.
By the time you know, I’m scared it’ll be too late.



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suicidewatch,Space_cornz,2019/02/04,"Death is the only logical conclusion. I’ve spent months pondering over the nature of life and death. After many painful days, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that my life is in fact not worth living. Let me explain:

First, after many failed attempts to overcome my addictions, I’ve realized that I will never be cured. Every streak I have always ends up in relapse. I’m usually worse off after trying to recover than I am before, because I tend to binge after a period of abstinence. 

Second, I believe that I have a right to end my life. If you are the owner of something, you have the right to dispose of your property as you see fit. If I bought an apple for example, I would have the full right to throw that apple away if I don’t like it. The same principle applies to my life: I hate my life, so why should I keep it? 

And finally, I am less human than others are. I’m a social outcast who will always be alone. I know it sounds like I’m being unreasonable, but I think the more unreasonable assertion is that I’m equal to everyone else. The logical approach to life is to look at the evidence and form a conclusion that is in line with that evidence. I have seen the evidence. I have seen others disregard my presence like I’m not even there. I’m an invisible man. ",3.94812656641604,5.371149305555559,5.550091896407687,78.89432330827069,71.8174603174603,9.432247284878864,28.34252297410192,9.811843763644266,2.8033936507936508,1003,38,192,26,19,341,133,252,0.08,0.884,0.036000000000000004,-0.8117,0,1,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,4,0,6,3,6,1,0,17,0,24,8,0,0,2,28,43,9,2,5,6,0,0,3,0,4,8,1,0,2,13,5,0,2,10,0,3,3,4,3,0,2,4,5,27,3,32,31,6,30,0,1,4,0,10,13,0,3,17,134,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430265378136394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759468997498655,0.0,0.0,0.2050191481210004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574741214760614,0.0,0.0,0.07509960190401317,0.0,0.1048313695585062,0.1388005617805135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612310083024043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945171889309094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029150853734457,0.0,0.21823152664059764,0.0,0.0,0.08137029860267816,0.0,0.10379858439473484,0.11771978441200165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699120592614358,0.0,0.10479110178928176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163129577178344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950294153562558,0.0,0.0,0.06770571785422458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597703473936392,0.5221050930243006,0.18056314323352168,0.0,0.10878499684312334,0.0,0.103454251162986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24980435788112595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833447909354473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095016936757379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369668803623384,0.13109003949353001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31562808172614915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817186800787024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558358308717435,0.0,0.09484288530205076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893950984434751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836425137257718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356838268982618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116591457881453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554802423442452,0.08751544417446479,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,julievinchek,2019/02/04,"Just need someone to talk to I feel like a burden to everyone - my family and my friends. I'm 25 and yet am still cutting myself after a 10 years break. Sometimes I just want to disappear, vanish so that I don't feel any pain - physical and emotional - ever again. I just want to talk. To feel someone cares and isn't willing to judge me straight away.",2.8396190476190446,4.6785602,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,75.57142857142857,7.523809523809526,27.380952380952376,8.344100000000001,1.9266666666666672,274,11,55,5,6,90,47,70,0.085,0.6779999999999999,0.236,0.8443,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,14,12,5,0,3,3,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,8,3,9,11,0,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502789716212301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076248837628659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253113248260801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24858101745732805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989570404283225,0.0,0.21116287700637776,0.0,0.0,0.20832720016828316,0.0,0.3352135225400139,0.15787340241723244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707342734760998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796325357699146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385931515274374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351461143477199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744837181883359,0.0,0.2185621334438841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648077805327908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35524251185433764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606881216699948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230860391835906
suicidewatch,throwawaymedical2019,2019/02/04,"I have no fight left in me I am so sick of battling my brain every, single, day. I can't take it any longer. I am secure financially, I have housing, I have all of the material items that I need, I have a well paying job, I have a degree, but I am fucking miserable. I wake up every morning, at 5:30am, for work, and cry. I drive to work and cry. I pray that I will get him by a bus. 

My partner is getting increasingly frustrated with me because he doesn't understand how to help me. He is sick of my misery, just like I am.

I can't bear the idea of feeling fucking drained for another 40 years working every day at 7am. I am afraid to leave my job and risk not finding something similar. So instead I pray for death every single day and the only thing that makes me feel happy now is the thought of dying.

Whenever I think about death I feel so peaceful, I feel hopeful, I feel happy at the idea that the stress and anxiety will finally end. 

I honestly do not know what else to do. I can't see anything helping me besides quitting my job completely or taking an extended period of time off for intensive recovery and therapy. I am so sick of living with the blues. I used to be happy, I used to be motivated, I used to be loving. I have a lot of friends and I just avoid making plans with anyone because I am exhausted 24/7. I would rather go home and sleep, and sleep on weekends, than do anything else. I keep seeking sleep hoping it will make me feel better. But the cycle goes on, and Sunday night comes, and I begin to feel the anxiety of work. I woke up shaking and crying this morning at the thought of my job. I just can't take it any longer. I would do anything to be released of this but I don't see any other way besides death...",2.774867576243981,4.152777907303374,4.516324237560196,85.32831460674159,74.70224719101124,7.445264847512039,27.32102728731942,8.07648339933343,1.7148454253611556,1349,52,280,21,28,457,168,356,0.199,0.638,0.162,-0.9239,4,1,1,0,1,1,46.0,0,0,0,8,13,24,5,6,15,0,35,12,5,8,1,58,71,21,4,6,10,0,7,1,2,5,4,0,1,1,12,16,0,3,16,1,1,5,9,12,1,0,3,10,51,12,40,59,6,30,2,1,3,3,9,11,2,4,14,189,63,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829635089740887,0.0813623313379174,0.11871585171600485,0.0,0.0,0.054254366537472384,0.0,0.1915556475622174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459913758771828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862411710221113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661871004976598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683892831753306,0.08135408968137553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25569461808049904,0.15012191602735875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052859614269682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296368832092851,0.0,0.06872378045704561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614995637158813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746311208338373,0.0,0.0,0.0849986131194541,0.07091799083110469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994764752695175,0.1434657315459777,0.08107758774463296,0.0,0.04409751355456647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477954584862294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040170165876838,0.0,0.07783144107064978,0.1541333977150208,0.0,0.08953113980387188,0.0,0.17518460907920974,0.0,0.0,0.3079936893584531,0.06896763478073081,0.0,0.0,0.04264271951103884,0.0,0.0,0.08215908203271026,0.08430430179697772,0.0,0.0,0.03790769679412024,0.0,0.06851545562781601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596623066989685,0.07003011405993673,0.0,0.15538046351794144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753373513584228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281515255607758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901246916316575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252900203047434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366209425170813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329451214710427,0.0,0.0,0.059734372276515575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888176052408023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501934409098904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873360024536449,0.0,0.05154890129994632,0.04971803687066827,0.0,0.12319929775751272,0.04524471601546391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077635984639027,0.0,0.2010446005605444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158918593342624,0.0,0.0,0.06976482993646911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259525834717132,0.0,0.0,0.11023874074714722,0.0,0.0,0.04996692142743437
suicidewatch,beefbarleyrules,2019/02/04,"I feel selfish I can't remember a day in the last 3 years I didn't think about committing suicide. I almost fantasize about it. I wish I could just do it some days because the pain I feel in my chest is just too much.

I want too so bad, but I don't want to hurt my dad. He's always tried his best to be a good dad despite once being an addict openly around me (with my mom as well) and he always supports me. 

I hate bouncing back and forth between those thoughts. It's so selfish and just makes me hate myself more.

I often isolate myself and cry alone a lot or lay awake for a whole day in bed just unable to do or feel anything else. 

But no body knows that. They see a happy girl. I can't even begin to tell my therapist how bad it feels because it just won't come out.

I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck and sad and afraid.",1.7925177584846104,2.831251933701658,3.2731373322809816,94.62299723756908,76.62430939226519,6.055406471981058,21.768350434096288,6.18269132825596,0.07859084451460198,644,16,154,4,14,212,110,181,0.238,0.635,0.127,-0.9704,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,1,18,15,2,1,8,0,13,4,2,2,1,41,33,14,1,4,10,3,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,8,11,0,0,9,0,0,1,7,10,1,0,3,5,24,5,16,26,6,14,0,2,1,0,9,6,0,6,7,101,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895929736708802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682662643908972,0.14151928373200015,0.0,0.0,0.2273931853991471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244423136376208,0.12163981756905665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506880387950623,0.22817972655265306,0.16659066097653127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433967214471339,0.0,0.0,0.15177779418456888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770446889175913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909704100110934,0.0,0.15009416407090764,0.26436720096809746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114146358050816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025035742135866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27635999415812484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460832521224552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454573134204519,0.0,0.2698101913236717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462774470814752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501890822755889,0.11138098003360074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161676337613376,0.0,0.0,0.09120919697000948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003275873938336,0.0,0.0,0.10044715273819173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551863379203606,0.0,0.0,0.14539608581799784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478807198144226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888550648800399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946351615020392,0.15505904388085864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943060818877482,0.0,0.0,0.1586511995260961,0.0,0.087554293156849,0.0,0.1084780103108103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277054267960312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118927848416198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285703050151887,0.0,0.0,0.1525552457496804,0.15713086900852075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799258301736776
suicidewatch,Homoloaf,2019/02/04,"I'm lost in life. 
First off I am on my phone typing this out so any crappy formatting im sorry, also sorry for bad grammar.

On January 28th I lost the love of my life the one person who made everything okay for me, but I wasn't aware of her passing until February 2nd. We were long distance for the time being had plans to live together and start our lives. She was my soulmate no doubt about it and she felt the same way about me. She knew things about me that I didn't tell her about she understood how to deal with me when I would get overly anxious or agitated at something. She was my missing puzzle piece and I was hers. I am a spiritual person and i know our souls have been together before, everything was just perfect. 

Shes gone now and I just don't know what to do or even how to cope with her being gone. I still keep waiting to see her name pop up on my phone telling me that it's okay and that's shes fine. 

Honestly I dont want to live anymore at all. I have always had the worst result for everything and at this point I know I can't handle anything anymore, everyone keeps telling me im one of the strongest people they have met but even the strongest reach their limits. As much as I want to die I won't do anything at least I hope I won't because she made me promise that if anything were to happen that I would still try my best to grow and find happiness. 

I will always love her and I will never forget her.",1.812856435030348,3.63095507692308,3.2914306949089567,91.1887947479252,78.49832775919731,6.302539328626286,22.445311532268054,7.2427474758485975,0.6780233122754855,1124,34,245,14,27,369,156,299,0.12,0.706,0.174,0.9746,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,3,0,2,7,16,17,0,1,8,2,31,4,0,5,3,49,58,22,1,6,7,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,12,13,0,4,7,0,0,4,9,6,0,3,21,2,54,11,37,29,7,28,1,3,1,2,33,13,0,6,10,178,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807978591330639,0.16813885645542326,0.0,0.0,0.06870743992803052,0.0,0.0,0.11414108273371774,0.2003996534420276,0.0,0.0,0.2494302251405495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436021998972831,0.06159015535927341,0.0,0.08597356276117324,0.0,0.10603026964619136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416291431427332,0.0,0.0,0.1048586461519033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841256963133535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334656697375011,0.0,0.0,0.09654351856701264,0.272411924669269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700969190034124,0.0,0.09234439519081493,0.08594053864254109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527867521066638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934514476910417,0.10755391063572567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035080819334327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827083225081376,0.0,0.0,0.17960955878558954,0.0,0.0,0.1665790061050904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272838105646554,0.0,0.0,0.2676479509794044,0.08941302372945809,0.0,0.0,0.22058383799150505,0.0,0.18237652962870626,0.1912040076585262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427253972434186,0.0,0.07792461941581216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369282109515919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004512621013675,0.17644017994078415,0.0,0.0,0.0955109760709734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051201936120653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777818775649582,0.0,0.2262013983830553,0.0715132754729475,0.0,0.16137377473023334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649278057922613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067123335806726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891447130783175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859630789514419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918642552822695,0.08019708481112786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354509654872272,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drago250,2019/02/04,"Not suicidal but worried I could be in the future I’m not suicidal but I’m beginning to crash under the weight of my financial struggles. I’m bad with finances but want to get better but it seems hopeless for me. I’m half considering leaving my girlfriend so I don’t drag her down with me too because I have like $150k in student loan debt to repay, but at the same time I’m scared of being alone. I just know I’ve been an idiot in the past and it’s catching up to me now and will cause me to be alone. I’m trying to do better and get things under control but I’m also unable to think clearly enough to stay calm and focus through it. 

And I do want to marry this girl one day but I do want to get this at least well on the way to being sorted out first. I have a lot of growth I need (and I’m scared to talk with her about it all fully even though I know I need to).",1.6559336823734758,2.7475194450261817,3.523643979057592,92.47925305410124,77.06282722513089,6.1404537521815,21.633856893542767,6.42735559955562,0.1928091448516573,678,17,159,5,15,229,105,191,0.17600000000000002,0.654,0.17,-0.6548,1,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,9,11,1,3,7,0,13,1,0,2,2,37,34,16,2,6,10,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,1,4,0,3,2,3,6,1,3,1,1,18,5,33,27,5,22,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,3,8,109,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046174758754379,0.0,0.1176030018444052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278809381208708,0.08964578061883069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26012340931549705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107006716531646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493913485755715,0.11741461791938998,0.0,0.0,0.0948408670765327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519512230432858,0.0,0.0971310599854808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508828121105536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049672003573304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616395233934235,0.0,0.0,0.1557142111770177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184558246991986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502427387144616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180847195731409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965096116328574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403844229548719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944633588824281,0.0,0.0,0.1338769593443882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674529075822394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373796101164994,0.0,0.32171727996703997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820042624063498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769944240330376,0.09422944732395773,0.14448468727016844,0.0,0.08575126559314765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984338459545664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602175646412937,0.11672856204551944,0.0,0.17907820246654876,0.1322236713542029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934551821383074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoftheMG,2019/02/04,"I'm a bad person I made people's lives worse. I have been an abusive asshole. I never tried to change until now. It's too late now though. The people that I loved now hate me and i don't blame them. I made them feel miserable by doing things that made them uncomfortable. I forced so many people to do things they didn't want to do. Something just clicked and I'm only now realizing how wrong everything that I did was. 
I'm thinking about ending my life just to stop making people's lives worse. ",1.9936633663366337,4.207002871287132,3.0697920792079247,91.04290594059408,79.69306930693071,5.624158415841586,19.01089108910891,6.742157984588678,0.08094772277227724,394,9,82,4,10,126,63,101,0.3,0.6459999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9776,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,11,5,1,1,3,0,9,2,0,5,1,15,21,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,7,2,14,1,7,14,0,9,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,9,52,20,0,0.0,0.18393082972431127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961667096944815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422049200355707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749418125572269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951728596057072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849264913473049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326470638457165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511444921408945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964870413833952,0.0,0.0,0.27415478055074216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010773464265572,0.4406678933222194,0.1036221109706808,0.15738626856394558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972858482906527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806497077877527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304880228192019,0.13554723275946556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950926672489295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978534361462712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626554394219285,0.09946980110395748,0.15251987052328944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539594457253024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156298847725766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31640016575267,0.0,0.16972763073900662,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RafayN,2019/02/04,"Trying Hey guys. I’m in a difficult position. I’m 20 years old and I can’t remember the last time I went through a week without wanting to kill my self. I can’t seek professional help because of my family and the process of trying to make them understand will emotionally exhaust me beyond belief. I feel emotionally isolated and alone. I’m constantly withdrawing myself from all friendships and I’ve basically ruined whatever I had with my amazing girlfriend as well. I workout 6 days a week, I work on my diet as well but I just feel so damn empty. I’m just trying to reach out I guess. I’m sorry if this is out of place ",2.6526344086021503,4.950151145161293,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,77.87096774193549,8.326881720430109,28.075268817204304,9.075114841892004,2.7299913978494623,498,22,93,13,12,172,82,124,0.147,0.746,0.107,-0.6893,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,2,0,5,0,5,2,0,1,1,21,17,9,1,2,5,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,0,5,1,0,1,3,5,2,0,2,2,16,3,17,14,1,15,1,1,0,0,6,6,1,2,8,56,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442801799805455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266473248320866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199769150499748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086142836804357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788903022136326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876746470520536,0.0,0.17031221740156255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552903440416224,0.16675815924852255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288558705700576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632717334871676,0.0,0.0,0.1372813872258798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241888053080568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767240927952413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595870662758764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907823152680224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569445056283134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852774373483933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820463028427036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430298994203028,0.0,0.0,0.17532682825797166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933602554748976,0.0,0.27018605526567896,0.0,0.30285213099422736,0.15612317035556508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234685919186204,0.0,0.12260873686350075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845427880566766
suicidewatch,deadthrowaway1313,2019/02/04,Think it's time I throw in the towel Been struggling with depression for too long. I drag everyone around me down. I just want to rip the band-aid off for them. I don't cry when I think about it anymore. I think I lost the fight. Take care everyone. Hopefully you all find happiness.,0.985639097744361,3.466142701754393,2.076942355889724,94.67526315789476,86.89473684210527,6.76591478696742,20.423558897243108,7.957251820313856,0.9656085213032579,222,7,49,5,7,70,44,57,0.209,0.581,0.21,0.0139,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,5,7,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,3,9,8,1,8,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252344590201701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217817328836854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155621277352226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494722905669689,0.0,0.0,0.19561156442552655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340312331455264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075766054192789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417653569899935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22557384314242895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098731393153813,0.0,0.0,0.24791999669291845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374271762069761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076024904897094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43657333777132495,0.0,0.0,0.13243105809379546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339567689629952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,livsomenregnvejrsdag,2019/02/04,"So I tried hanging myself I tried to hang myself with my belt yesterday. Not as an actual attempt at suicide, but as a sort of test to see what it's like. God damn it hurts, holy hell. I'm honestly terrified now, not that I'm gonna do it but because my only way out of this shit life has been taken from me. I know I can't hang myself now and I don't know what to do with that information.",0.4847674418604662,2.0947397441860502,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,81.7906976744186,6.625581395348838,20.05232558139535,7.6454224807358475,0.5162372093023251,302,8,72,5,8,106,58,86,0.274,0.63,0.096,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,12,13,6,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,2,1,11,2,12,10,0,9,1,1,1,0,1,2,3,1,4,47,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.3032853078087761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894541370241778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327061353916449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416030983511545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951951658650345,0.1518358447199342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363690981560276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476586567962705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31902052192855096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399528077126157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220107658281007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466899037048681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,King_of_Fuckboys,2019/02/04,"Relationships Using my alt account. 

I really like someone and it’s starting to look like it might turn into a relationship. She makes me really happy and I want it to happen but at the same time I don’t think it should because I’m really suicidal and I don’t want to end up killing myself whilst in a relationship. That could really fuck her up and I don’t want that. I have no fucking clue how to deal with this situation",1.3813953488372093,3.867996441860466,3.954697674418604,82.02693023255813,84.5813953488372,7.626046511627909,21.390697674418604,8.548686976883017,1.6993153488372097,338,11,67,9,10,118,57,86,0.219,0.6629999999999999,0.119,-0.9478,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,3,0,7,2,0,3,0,18,20,6,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,11,3,10,17,1,9,0,0,1,2,6,5,2,1,6,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751871091059276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772628117595444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649262462379718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168954707138412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29578690793530643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146454564335614,0.17029537687324312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698761115997913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563105042696354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433793197106106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678393686136717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970721241377565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099339536481661,0.0,0.0,0.5152568617436729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981756224343154,0.0,0.0,0.13554551407864765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323047322149545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749856725184108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250492738661836,0.0,0.0,0.09328216924287742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400585520325978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816623690337393,0.0,0.0,0.2830705615472369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FairyDuel,2019/02/04,"Something I wrote years ago and I still feel the same way  

I don't know what to do. Everything is just too frustrating for me. Like everything I wanted to do or did just gave up on me, on my life. Everything that made me happy just stopped making me happy. When I think of what to do, I just don't know. It feels like the world is swallowing me up, making me feel so tired and restless.

Sleeping forever would be a great thing, but that won't ever happen unless I stop breathing. And I don't want to stop breathing, not yet. Still it seems like the only thing I can do to make it all go away. Like it's the only answer at the moment. I'm just so tired right now. I want to sleep, but I just don't know. Too many people rely on me living, and I wish they would stop, so it would be easier for me to just lie down and stop everything. But that won't happen anytime soon.

I just don't know what I want to do. What I really want. What I can do in this world. All I can do is distract myself and put everything on hold. But everyone keeps reminding me that I can't put it on hold. And that makes me even more frustrated. I tell them that I don't know and they still ask me why I don't know. That's what I don't know. It's all a paradox.

To me it seems that everyone around me knows what they want and I don't. They push it every single day and I don't do the same thing as them. I want to, but I just can't. It makes me too tired. No energy left to push anymore. I have pushed enough and they expect me to push even more. I tell them that I want to stop and they don't want to hear that. I just don't know what to do.

Sleeping never makes me feel completely rested. I feel that I need more sleep all the time. But I just can't do that when they keep interrupting my sleep mid-way. I tell them I need more sleep and they tell me it will make me more sick. I know that, but I need more sleep. It's the only thing that will make me feel more rested, even though sleeping doesn't give me enough energy to keep going every single day. It's never enough. Need more sleep. All the time. Sleep makes me stronger and weaker at the same time.

People keep telling me to put on a fake smile, and when I stop, they get angry. It makes me feel like I'm worthless because I want to show that I'm not feeling well enough to put on that fake smile. My mask is slowly fading, and yet they keep giving me new masks. I just don't know why they keep doing that to me. I've had enough right now. Yet they don't see that when I get countless of new masks from them. I want to stop caring, but they make me care too much. Gluing masks on me so that I can't take them off. Why do they care so much about my life, I ask myself. I can't ask them because they give me an answer that cannot be countered.

""You gotta try more"" they tell me all the time. Every time I want to give up, lie down and sleep, they tell me to be strong. I don't want to be strong. I want to be weak, I want to show them what I feel right now. But they won't allow anyone to feel weak, not even the weakest one. ""We must keep believing"" they tell me. I don't want to believe anymore. Why is that so hard to understand.

I want my freedom. I want my soul to be free. But they keep trapping me inside this vessel. They keep putting on new locks, so it's harder for me to escape, to be free. They keep trying to make me the perfect being, and I keep wanting to be imperfect. They get mad and disappointed, making me feel less loved and cared about. They keep reaching out for my hands, dragging me up from the hole I keep lying down in even if I want to keep my hands for myself. They just won't listen to me.

They know all my answers and I know none. I know nothing about myself, and they tell me they know everything about me. They don't. Yet they do, they say. They know what's right for me. Yet they don't know what I think is right. Not even I know what is right. Or wrong. But apparently they do. Why do they think I am so important, I ask myself. I just don't know.

I am not God, I am not their possession. So why am I so goddamn important to them? There are others to rely on, so why me? Release me.",0.4175991203346783,2.2762917379077616,2.003705716560713,98.48808053487696,83.25196850393702,5.210353761959532,16.40046258262661,6.2756295489232565,-0.6399517675459108,3181,57,776,27,89,1032,233,889,0.154,0.73,0.116,-0.9579,1,0,1,0,0,0,117.0,1,1,45,3,64,31,3,2,18,0,79,25,15,15,12,183,198,54,0,31,35,0,14,5,0,11,8,3,0,0,55,25,1,24,39,2,2,11,40,12,1,1,5,18,169,21,79,172,32,87,1,2,1,1,70,34,0,5,46,533,224,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026852691244060128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060084527528927,0.021181392088081414,0.0,0.0,0.026966966048488392,0.11327851178749974,0.0,0.02846103169850485,0.0,0.0,0.0369323531416753,0.0,0.0,0.06825910169927157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354189231443355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03176136745270041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039072629754059236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565025200016296,0.0,0.12004843675784195,0.02740152271755551,0.07656883413387597,0.05789203323904168,0.16335099892509156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848614625985506,0.043282287066125635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748012791897864,0.1162382476646383,0.03443213087977463,0.0,0.0,0.03339785900327843,0.0,0.0,0.05357554984004161,0.0644943820355005,0.027136349985630262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03414212593819495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769581786079859,0.0,0.0,0.3163139147480311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03291315676573972,0.0,0.04279332420715597,0.07399752685323446,0.0,0.02674904938285409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02734038564162524,0.02866372836598567,0.2628683581825413,0.030712089437527932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044537307136626465,0.0898467481958274,0.046727265841554684,0.08777076749547953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029066706434826336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020527148423406992,0.06911699429210927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200235121921123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226288136875465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01940630854264693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552190355234995,0.0,0.024090007189220983,0.0,0.0,0.02413939625458153,0.05515475581682925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334608496088284,0.0,0.0,0.023320835558008214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257547737998325,0.20260873414903946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022776374737380933,0.0,0.23829475401126166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050061661966583,0.05823110470269486,0.029762468779849525,0.0,0.08831971793233709,0.10445116458703434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113357163365405,0.0,0.0,0.03153581653511015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35734892464755674,0.04808994294461543,0.0,0.0,0.02723681633665456,0.0,0.19134143839089274,0.0,0.034835162485480194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455729206926429,0.03312036191491626,0.0,0.019507535001037205
suicidewatch,stranger38,2019/02/04,"Waiting for death I’ve posted here several times here. Just as before, I’m too much of a coward to die; or to live.

Life just gets worse. So many things are beyond my control. When I consider my life as a whole, I can simply say that the cards had been stacked against me from the start. And I as a person, with my personality, attributes and flaws, is a mismatch for this deck of cards.

And I have roughly 2 more decades of suffering (being my estimation when my parents shall pass). 

This is a very very long wait for death. If I could, I would go back to myself when I was  child, or a teenager, or even a young adult, when I desperately wanted to die but held on. ",4.046011608623552,4.722166470149254,4.834577114427862,86.91979270315096,70.86567164179105,7.7466003316749585,26.82918739635157,7.793537801064563,1.296362520729684,513,16,112,6,9,166,89,134,0.142,0.858,0.0,-0.9304,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,13,1,0,0,9,0,12,2,0,2,0,19,20,16,4,4,7,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,15,0,18,12,3,14,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,4,9,81,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549817153360847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101191963727796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222584038350775,0.15107643181692912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927600849666967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497774315696365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988594169549695,0.0,0.10753784369853517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26730276008755705,0.0,0.0,0.16708434930510987,0.1674533673944149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191838947471492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390981577740663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010594279092332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304384645816057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812200454689477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504749988815093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376425787408493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339305874229611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570907618102647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033545447035134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122519282108439,0.11160660645362913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125689543295773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283091000132724,0.13441615542927188,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PlagueMember,2019/02/04,"This year I made my resolution to be kinder to myself. It's barely February and I feel like the biggest kindness would be to sleep forever. I don't feel *actively* suicidal, yet. But I've been in the ""life is empty and meaningless"" phase for a while now. I know what comes next.

The last time I attempted was in my teens, now I'm in my 30's. I've suffered varying degrees of depression through my life, and now I'm an adult with C-PTSD. I've experienced trauma and abuse through all stages of my life.

Non-existence would be bliss.",1.041179007907978,3.519413074766355,2.8386915887850463,89.37048885693744,86.47663551401868,7.0306254493170375,24.11861969805895,8.139509932561175,1.680904241552839,417,17,88,10,13,138,71,107,0.162,0.698,0.14,-0.3839,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,9,4,1,1,1,14,16,6,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,3,11,2,12,8,1,15,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,10,51,14,0,0.0,0.2678709141140408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475014293382528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472461385301404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286283132247927,0.1615134560691935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354302394941584,0.12424908550910095,0.1842874955036816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790664836283523,0.1104525394823013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392482449672606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404414121183241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642784632966302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262458761891036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472976719381151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183058335632436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212051877217206,0.0,0.0,0.14558978330302502
suicidewatch,As-re-ell,2019/02/04,"Im done I dont care that this is my main reddit account, i dont have anything on here worth a damn. 
The only thing thats been holding me back lately is that god awful shitty meme that unfortunately is true and thats the ""but mum would be sad"". But at this point i dont even see that holding me back ill just write her a note or see her before i do it and try to leave her with a good last memory. My only problem is i dont want to fuck it up like i do everything else in my life and just ruin what's left of my shitty life. Ive tried to look for easy/painless solutions but i just get the helpline number whenever i try and thats not what im after.
Im thinking of going to the doctor and getting some sleeping pills (ive been on them before so it shouldn't be hard) stocking up and just taking a lot one night, it sounds like the easiest way with the least likely chance i fuck it up. 
Im not after pitty or anything more just wondering if there are easier ways with less chances of fucking it up? Preferably while leaving a good corpse (well as good as mine will be).
If not its been a blast internet/reddit thanks for helping me last this long",3.5090663265306112,3.842418730612245,4.782691326530613,88.04628188775511,71.89795918367345,7.594387755102041,25.10841836734694,7.413659706084162,0.9705153061224492,899,24,202,9,16,299,135,245,0.129,0.6779999999999999,0.194,0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,12,17,4,0,12,1,24,9,1,0,1,37,39,17,0,7,15,1,1,3,0,3,5,1,0,0,20,9,0,2,3,0,2,1,8,7,1,1,4,5,23,10,24,29,6,23,0,2,3,3,7,10,4,7,13,137,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590288258662857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485978276829397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644420767420635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851596287631632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890011881833592,0.0,0.09888125938571232,0.4529766648529492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071806386852151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382011865197698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684061546213598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679856795811093,0.10096549290392386,0.0,0.05491440132503195,0.24313422536603266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865573158286728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476592139895232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174877461720369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575250794438541,0.1089975800587332,0.2046245440871696,0.1049837029150693,0.0,0.13649865515144954,0.1416187653630902,0.0,0.0,0.08551037573436279,0.08114094083041602,0.0,0.0,0.08214739954496195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906763258898936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547582375992912,0.14697583394570218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134216817559547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245739052395058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399575452319375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669511087316543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265022239983088,0.0,0.0,0.08895962111968539,0.0,0.0,0.06419357523065097,0.06191360940181369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680676765340055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056992122647545475,0.153393377585569,0.0,0.0,0.08687777520070956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478604777415247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686398615589077,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonnnnnn2602,2019/02/04,"Tired I havent really been to this sub much. I lost someone to suicide a few years back. I usually post to r/suicide bereavement. 

Anyway, I am just tired.

I actually have always thought it would be me. I'd finish school, start working, realize how pointless it all is and in a moment of impulsivity, just end it. I never thought it would be my family member, he is the last one that I thought would take his life.

Anyway, Im just so tired. I feel that I have constantly been fighting the mental health fight. Fighting anxiety then depression, then anxiety then depression; a continuous cycle. The cycle gets punctuated by good and bad moments, but the accumulation of bad moments is really wearing on me. Did I mention, I'm just so tired?

I try to move away from postivie thinking and just be pragmatic about it, 'life is full of good and bad shit, you just move thru it.'  But at some point I'm just like,  whats the meaning in dealing with this? It doesn't 'get better' instead the same cycle just continues, good moments, bad moments, devastating moments, moments of pain and grief, moments of self-deprication, self-doubt, self-hate. I'm trying to hang on, like this will pass, but again what am I hanging on for, more of the same?  Again, I'm tired of this cycle.

I can't tell anyone but I legit thought about jumping out of my boyfriends condo yesterday. I smoked some pot and I was able to convince myself that maybe this isnt reality. I kept thinking though that I couldn't do that, I thought about how much that would fuck him up, fuck up my sister, fuck up my best friend. But I really wanted too. I wanted it all to end. 

'Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.' Yea I've talked to enough therapists after my brothers suicide that I've heard that one before. But as you see, this problem, my overwhelming emotions, they have been there for as long as I can remember. I take meds, I go to therapy, I work on healthcare so I feel I'm 'helping others', I try to be a good friend/sister/daughter/gf. I try to be considerate to others but man it feels like recently, that same consideration is not extended to me. So why the fuck do I keep trying so hard? Again, I'm tired of this shit, tired of trying to do the right thing, trying to care for others, trying to consider everyone else. I say, 'don't end your life, fuck everyone and just do what you wanna do'. Then lol inevitably, I think, I am so tired of this.

Thanks for reading. ",3.5818288084464527,5.380900497899166,4.812436974789918,82.29847554406379,73.43277310924371,7.991294979530274,27.96143072613661,8.69343788997812,2.1647100409394526,1911,75,371,37,39,631,212,476,0.237,0.659,0.105,-0.9973,0,0,1,0,5,4,81.0,0,4,1,5,30,35,10,1,15,2,39,21,3,2,3,64,77,30,4,10,17,2,4,3,1,5,13,2,1,1,33,9,0,2,16,1,0,7,8,22,0,2,13,7,49,13,56,53,14,55,0,5,1,5,22,15,7,2,35,255,82,4,0.056339452703653176,0.0,0.05497917877500799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046878937908895565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861990542208627,0.0,0.0,0.03939385528791728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052932770396456164,0.043321561502236414,0.18816435882815533,0.0,0.0,0.04794072465404328,0.0,0.05912477974447335,0.04982766753932024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057441826859066035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060882933415394386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808350188039986,0.09705017611729548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047064383413231665,0.0633743012085893,0.14970009797977715,0.05821371512789001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766952286508938,0.0,0.0,0.05311182192611806,0.0,0.08546076029433687,0.04024891626864477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705544280557481,0.2604245809134064,0.05887007742500292,0.0,0.03201900931468316,0.18901943968238266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046908342618873,0.0,0.0,0.05988620367240189,0.0,0.0,0.03776314756256492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060856276818568915,0.0,0.0,0.05007709420449196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592417348006146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938266480045555,0.0825738323259791,0.0,0.0,0.04985864274354858,0.0,0.0,0.061501167920998474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660055277795061,0.06137018047079715,0.06258043113330891,0.0,0.05677691714458667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975984417803452,0.08283196047539428,0.0,0.04345245914214554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635414245698338,0.0,0.059949149903451224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053258993325391496,0.0,0.053957622026938414,0.0,0.0,0.10781849485621972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056354698959683376,0.0,0.10827748816828868,0.0,0.05562841270263976,0.0,0.06382161719330841,0.048113584775380164,0.0,0.04480339408999711,0.0,0.05701853395592508,0.04489524951128048,0.0,0.17632300904394888,0.0,0.11566327716121975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773623544737094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03987735460121738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465048679784016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472051380349395,0.045283517982657964,0.049243164924890566,0.05186979860533394,0.06442907419861735,0.06541444695187912,0.03742942895957778,0.10830013921532124,0.05535322623031376,0.2236361613438255,0.0,0.5180313041163945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060063213358177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062049947575149575,0.0,0.06646093781900157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083759302375162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203158513580545,0.0,0.0,0.16008772297123455,0.0,0.0,0.03628076037963795
suicidewatch,grap3sndche3s3,2019/02/04,"Am I the only one who hates when people say ""I'll be there just call me? "" Personally I think it's a load of bullshit when people try and comfort you by saying ""I'm always here for you"" or ""I'll be there just give me a call/text"". 
People don't understand that my anxiety refuses to let me be a burden on their shoulders. I'll pick up the phone and write 100 different messages and delete every one before sending or I'll type their number in 100 times but never press the call button.  
My depression tells me that you don't really care about me and that I'm not worthy of receiving your help. I'm never going to be important enough to help. I'm not special enough. I'm not loved enough
My paranoia tells me that you'll think I'm sick. Sick that I need to be in a mental hospital chained away. It'll tell me that you'll be scared of me and that I'm a freak.
Do companies and people think that I'm going to pick up the phone and cry my suicidal heart out and expect to be understood and cared for?  No because my mind, body and soul will never let me. 
I need to talk but I'll never let myself be the one to take and step. And I know that's wrong and I know I'm the only one who can fix me but it's hard doing it alone. 

Sorry I'm just having a really bad night.",2.102624299719892,3.2077267169117647,3.9945168067226895,89.49348039215687,75.94852941176471,7.2397759103641475,20.672969187675072,7.793537801064563,0.5950130952380945,985,21,224,14,21,335,123,272,0.249,0.698,0.053,-0.9958,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,6,2,0,9,12,1,1,12,0,22,6,3,2,4,44,49,20,1,3,11,0,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,15,14,0,1,7,0,0,5,10,7,0,4,1,4,30,5,22,33,3,20,1,1,0,1,30,7,0,2,8,139,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011748973460656,0.0,0.0,0.08043439135839398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394971783915613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082149382366142,0.0,0.08071260971770643,0.058927088769697614,0.0,0.08225619395051627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737484921130076,0.0,0.0,0.29612235357674266,0.0,0.19711617148418772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618376898409608,0.0,0.0,0.08325883856829376,0.0,0.0,0.10099606821593672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996474506817435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814458165119865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927314529931619,0.10987576259216332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659432548771959,0.09543829769268347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455043821143332,0.1295872272479856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625091864831283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29654457763376296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724542005333677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741724060826497,0.0,0.09760575357039517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335418288389162,0.29822109971145466,0.0,0.0,0.09071509673060964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620152780830889,0.14703867699311385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26806591709289657,0.08440558466903228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385425448499582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537463899639822,0.0967801739719766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821039340292128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573761857220752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268128574710488,0.07769698653541429,0.2534727220351333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582024615708545,0.0,0.0,0.05636709731165971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563030570440108,0.0,0.0,0.1006333852197666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568979989755678,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_lol_no,2019/02/04,"What valid reason is there for me to not kill myself? The world is garbage. The entire design of our society is broken and all of the broken parts are entrenched so deeply that they are autonomous at this point. These systems only validate themselves. Humanity will never have the ability to abolish and rebuild. Homogeneity is our eventual demise. The time of the individual is gone.

Money, social class, the ruling elite. All predetermined and self perpetuating.


I do not want to play this game. I want to be at peace. Everyone is at eachother's throats. There is no such thing as goodness. People are inherently awful.

This place isn't worth it, and there's almost nothing left to salvage.

80% of all species wiped out. Poverty everywhere. Community dissolved. There is nothing. I've tried to take part, I've tried to be a part of this, it isn't happening. And I'm fucking fed up.",2.969358178053831,6.014117571428571,4.1105590062111785,79.24712215320912,84.46583850931677,6.793374741200829,26.92132505175984,7.957251820313856,2.290034368530021,703,31,119,15,21,228,104,161,0.132,0.794,0.07400000000000001,-0.7244,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,2,0,1,1,6,4,2,0,8,1,18,3,1,1,4,16,26,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,0,1,2,2,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,19,21,6,13,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,1,2,83,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618399674959134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812345928799075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265877385431768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757473250763212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555880190832465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946576203770554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116529380461952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570001150095698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376488931216816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338144764294466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715954720108289,0.0,0.12197845178532625,0.0,0.18382559291364095,0.0,0.16632536223422034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090127128936584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354952230187147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935427357310055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228911463782173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168903680151568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025952323409528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389108818260177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075544216473449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mockerymoo,2019/02/04,"Life ain't sweet for any of us uglies I got it, personality matters. But how people perceive you matter too. I've never had any relationship, heck I don't even have a female friend. I'm such a socially awkward sumbitch. I don't feel like killing myself right now but I won't be surprised if I found myself at the edge of the bridge convincing myself for the last time that this is a good idea.

PS: There are many other reasons why I might want to end it all. ",1.9307328605200949,4.010052829787234,3.2960992907801447,90.03388888888891,79.21276595744679,5.879905437352246,22.14657210401891,6.937597516519254,0.5338643026004729,362,11,77,4,9,118,72,94,0.095,0.737,0.168,0.7727,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,0,0,6,8,1,1,6,0,10,1,0,2,2,15,15,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,11,6,6,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,2,6,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131044349806323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897070417319379,0.0,0.0,0.14146918981308046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829991588777076,0.15301598879259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348461461666626,0.1654811594399275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965077786798114,0.17130575347917684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179224225124624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369673474885657,0.0,0.0,0.1745918515577129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128735704922142,0.10464146427710896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171530689212472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272196777604993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651950317550474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849102806425615,0.1870207474011077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022099279604326,0.0,0.2299578126823717,0.0,0.18291542807318406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833774802666733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248947769201968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25764185704987896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633366385047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932714041899483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,harambeous,2019/02/04,"I'm not meant to be in this world I don't think anything helps anymore. This shit been going on for over 10 years and everything is just getting worse. I'm 20 and everyone says I have so much to experience and things will get better but they won't. I'm the problem and I can't change it. So many years I wished I was like others. I feel like I was born a wrong kind of person. I don't fit in this society. I can't change, I have tried it so hard but I simply can't. Nobody has ever accepted me, every single person I met has never truly accepted me and I don't think I've done anything wrong. I'm just shy and I have social anxiety, I've tried therapy and everything but only thing that actually works is alcohol but it's just temporary and sometimes has bad effects. I'm always pushed around by other people, everyone seems fake and they're just using me, nobody truly wants to be my friend. I'm afraid of other people all the time. I feel like I gotta kill myself before someone does something really bad to me. This whole world is just fucked up and full of bad people. I feel like everyone just wants bad things to happen to me. All few friends I ever had, have abandoned me. I don't mean shit to anyone. Everyone just ignores me. A lot of people hate me for reasons I don't know. I only have my parents and my boyfriend but even they seem to be disappointed and frustrated. I've tried so many things but nothing works. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed of myself. I feel like I've done something wrong and I have to be sorry but I don't really know what. This society hates me, it wants me to be gone, it never accepted me and it just pushes me away. I should have never born. All I want to see anymore is summer and if it's still bad, I'm gonna do it. ",1.240086162456734,3.3258036839237093,3.261484645408352,89.34604389130276,81.64305177111717,6.365387731055306,20.545621916194122,7.534196372845213,0.7110181751233524,1380,39,293,22,37,466,156,367,0.274,0.637,0.08900000000000001,-0.9979,1,0,3,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,2,4,20,35,7,3,4,0,38,4,2,3,8,70,76,29,1,8,17,1,5,5,2,5,1,1,0,2,22,17,1,2,17,0,0,4,14,23,0,0,9,7,45,12,26,57,9,27,0,2,1,1,11,11,3,4,17,189,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.07241913052549978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930888003206335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061749411303763414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056771133162441284,0.0,0.14719453773380614,0.051889984746283015,0.0,0.12213849028111674,0.06606343204878291,0.0,0.0,0.06972358070506142,0.0,0.30981499646411315,0.0,0.0,0.06314800754692977,0.0,0.0,0.06563350780625983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701057825010606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494245615645344,0.15188702642653154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901559763931285,0.1342560101740389,0.06252588150211269,0.28364676969418984,0.13339193834640395,0.07259249732501986,0.0,0.0,0.15009303746038918,0.2120651188841606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467031003304007,0.06860677855664757,0.07754426159281869,0.0,0.042175763016512886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562445122617283,0.0,0.06647838730186577,0.14653579392669866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974200003202395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210336238937603,0.07727922945606808,0.08156873653439647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127847894556406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630914509132928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047640361055747,0.0,0.08083742261913206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455354818865922,0.0,0.17170805641604606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120735725280851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288146264143363,0.0,0.0,0.0824024189693856,0.0,0.0,0.20579396812160225,0.12959618581160026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100980613050607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508280193030724,0.0763011620331116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901548398652731,0.0,0.0,0.05913647687677431,0.1351176271190714,0.0,0.0,0.15235283888149004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564866400160357,0.06287865229501408,0.11426234841821785,0.07339647480621765,0.0830730235752784,0.0,0.0,0.05926491829150676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486662838528551,0.0,0.19720969004729846,0.09510269272252037,0.0,0.0,0.043272970891122434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511529834126059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409438798628864,0.0,0.0,0.17508603940622247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285381639566981,0.08533886925321478,0.0,0.0,0.10805283388234238,0.0,0.07562724416600222,0.0,0.24341389849302125,0.0,0.09557876927371403
suicidewatch,DevilWithoutAClaw,2019/02/04,"Crying all last night, I barely got any sleep and now I sit here sad and lonely at my laptop thinking what is the fucking point of life! I'm 23 years old, I'm at the prime age of life and I'm just sat here jerking off, sad and lonely at my laptop and I'm thinking, what is the fucking point of life? 

I'm just a piece of shit who doesn't deserve love! I'm only one little bit of the world's population and nothing will change if I kill myself! If you want to see how sad my life has gotten, check my profile, it is the very definition of a sad and depressed young man! 

Maybe, I should kill myself tonight! That sounds like a plan. ",3.2375787728026566,3.7129383134328373,4.306218905472637,90.70785240464346,72.5820895522388,6.552570480928693,23.844112769485914,5.82211442006289,0.3315864013266996,490,12,112,2,9,160,79,134,0.275,0.6990000000000001,0.025,-0.9903,0,4,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,1,6,15,6,0,8,0,7,9,2,1,1,17,23,10,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,13,0,1,3,2,11,2,11,18,3,17,0,7,1,3,4,8,3,2,9,60,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934128828898164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553874733242453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009228258735867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661796239131464,0.0,0.0,0.13848638600502042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29729165246629513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859677498553138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35577598586155473,0.0,0.0,0.13106360173596654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542770062881593,0.07855284812389922,0.16115172018339954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511736082849552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153306080828236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088855571788004,0.0,0.15428033024437995,0.0,0.168719857682929,0.0,0.10895404489117363,0.1222864462794126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30399308081562754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281271421104177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504647274617135,0.0,0.0,0.160904022978928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605279294762102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266685977060594,0.09483687157799668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354213845872222
suicidewatch,Pwn1shot,2019/02/04,"Too stubborn to die Last night I almost did it, I was in the tub of me and my roommates bathroom. I had my favorite music and I had the note written. Me and my roommate always joked that he would get everything when if I died. I was close but then I feel this sudden realization of what my family would think of me. The anti-social son that has no friends and alone in a new town by himself. His mother warned him to not go because he is going to grow up to nothing. I was so fueled at spite at this point I stood up and went to my room to play league of legends.",1.2754774637127575,3.056631352941181,3.0072421695951133,92.77051184110009,80.00840336134453,5.335676088617267,21.742551566080976,6.11248444174946,0.17304369747899218,437,13,97,3,11,145,81,119,0.153,0.7609999999999999,0.086,-0.8246,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,15,18,10,2,3,3,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,1,2,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,9,1,20,3,17,7,0,20,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,6,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288708332725671,0.2367202732013452,0.0,0.0,0.1901810677396701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932866864220878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474420480959849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541589568998225,0.0,0.2154669763026277,0.0,0.11556731279625745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176585667293588,0.0,0.11941369282258847,0.0,0.2597929753130087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630772660578174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074564513375236,0.0,0.2144890222325824,0.0,0.2193104508582402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160640293738589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464526646085155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118783436502828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247263637440969,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,D4RK0DSE,2019/02/04,"Descent into nihilistic madness Living isnt innately pointless, but feeding this machine of greed is. Nothing that appeals to me, is not driven by greed, or money
Everything has to involve money, possessions or ownership, why? Im not pro communist, im not democratic
I just want to he peaceful, solemn and free. in a world where I cant make a change to anything at all and you always feel infinitely small, everything really is pointless. Im not scared of death, frankly I only fear a painful death, if anything im fucking itching to know what comes next
Is today the day? Who knows
None of you haha",4.771494591937072,6.714977044247793,5.701356932153393,76.54951819075715,70.59292035398232,8.56204523107178,34.679449360865284,9.150863307647796,3.491103048180924,478,25,80,10,9,157,79,113,0.179,0.667,0.154,0.1164,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,2,10,4,2,4,1,7,4,1,1,1,19,15,6,2,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,5,2,7,8,0,1,1,1,6,3,12,14,2,12,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,3,4,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218757580597126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614630747399209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805704926218734,0.13684727074841666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245413865339724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855534423693536,0.0,0.0,0.17876616881749435,0.08032641262619808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686720973982165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6864015324628135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461500144505318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140279824090048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060429547834648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895366815966031,0.0,0.0,0.15243429428815994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208232320353636,0.1690424986326805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177234748180196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590505798251518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058449820177372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370210427077688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335005188641664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rohlan,2019/02/04,"Kind of an odd question It's hard to put this into words. I don't believe in any kind of afterlife, when you die you just cease to exist anymore. But I'm curious as to what happens after, specifically with how people will react to it. Will they be sad? Will they even care? Would they even notice at all that I'm gone? Do I even warrant a passing thought? It's like wanting to be a ghost or something for a little while, just to learn what people really think/feel about me, if at all.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I feel stupid even thinking this, I don't even want to be remembered. I just want to fade away, like I never existed.",1.225670665212654,3.4793760000000016,2.831804798255181,91.42604961832062,82.89312977099237,5.574918211559434,20.80752453653217,6.868970318607317,0.4398959651035987,500,15,105,6,14,164,82,131,0.147,0.757,0.096,-0.7007,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,3,0,12,8,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,2,4,26,22,7,2,5,6,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,3,12,6,20,13,2,15,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,3,9,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961678180572983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452766146707642,0.102427731834593,0.15009414438100466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763018551508058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504167750280505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935415674875924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203129217301642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819253110976322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223718269760092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4837693164933412,0.13250667421205878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222060210617066,0.10465097087012457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295387486593596,0.0,0.13122436748913244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050891700898843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146997366016672,0.14681933968712393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298048388603395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677742249985553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311250314489815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726077980471305,0.16409995112770429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384388707974002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594221213812693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127735269127286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772703739574315,0.0,0.11629501400777563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920704130048183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406078713713487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InsatiableLoner,2019/02/04,"Don’t know how much longer I can do this. I just don’t feel like I belong in this world, I’m 22 in May and still haven’t had one single friend. I’m stuck in a redneck/ racist bumfuck town that makes me even more depressed thanks to my mom moving us here when we were kids for a man, moving me away from the little family and opportunity I had left in CA where I was born. 
I have a boyfriend of 5 years that I love and live with now but he’s struggling to make it on one income so we can get the hell out of this shithole, since my mental illness is making me incapable of any kind of work, I’m on a first grade math level, my problem solving skills are horrendous, I will forget directions in seconds, I’ve tried many jobs but I just can’t function and end up getting fired after they’ve realized I can’t remember simple things that have been explained. On top of that I have horrible, HORRIBLE social anxiety, paranoia, depression, OCD and PTSD. It’s too much. I feel like if I could just find a career path that would work for me I could excel in life but I’m too broke for college, there’s no jobs here anyway and welfare doesn’t last forever. (I’m not on it) I tried to get mental help but the waiting list here for psychiatric help was like 6 months and when I did go they were absolutely awful and wanted to put me on high dose of lithium and literally judged me for wearing black eyeliner as he thought that made me look depressed. (I was barely even wearing any mascara) like what the ever loving fuck do I do? I’m tired of seeing everyone else buy their first houses together, get married, go on vacations, just normal shit that I won’t ever be able to do, I just don’t see any way out and once I get the courage I’m just gonna find a method and peace the fuck out.  

Sorry about my rant- I just needed to get this out into the universe somewhere and if you have any ideas on how someone with my issues can find income you’d be helping me immensely. ",4.686947890818856,4.905617327543425,5.4541200992555865,84.67071861042187,69.272952853598,8.433111662531017,28.03066997518611,8.238735603445708,1.680164744416874,1545,48,326,20,25,504,215,403,0.213,0.6709999999999999,0.116,-0.9941,4,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,3,2,2,8,27,22,4,1,13,1,38,11,3,6,2,64,75,24,0,9,14,1,3,4,1,5,4,0,0,2,16,21,0,1,11,0,1,5,10,10,0,5,12,7,42,12,44,53,4,48,1,4,4,4,20,28,4,3,18,207,58,9,0.08790718421762887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391195989351234,0.0,0.06724875531394196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259169330001323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037346705018924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22714298686495465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734351724103241,0.0,0.07785967298218628,0.0,0.0,0.1161237322066881,0.15903416181224234,0.0,0.08399908169956262,0.0,0.0,0.08287106974133629,0.0,0.08889702731156468,0.12560181993952,0.0,0.0,0.2410367214059779,0.1495476119762185,0.0,0.0,0.06791687246334126,0.16253755058340613,0.2755672531109043,0.0,0.09991935722546752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676699773148366,0.0928787665652499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143308794266437,0.0,0.09923651088246446,0.0,0.0917522613197311,0.17446863206990346,0.0,0.0,0.09154180484069127,0.04831148947453158,0.07165608795295125,0.0,0.0,0.0955114128654034,0.0,0.06209144393720501,0.1717880393813804,0.0881060926319881,0.07762365419844046,0.0,0.07381989475271901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158679331764057,0.08317990321351364,0.17603618422721914,0.0891240872185296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717953140196546,0.0,0.0,0.10295583170594556,0.07016667575905344,0.18686284972289705,0.1292437902604206,0.06518206322948511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613037607079857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361828221164688,0.11913636616334912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411530317172039,0.10275879412380326,0.0883710002659188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958170323715912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010128887988424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023546133921458,0.07271773119259903,0.0,0.0,0.08961030389712381,0.0744834719180018,0.0,0.0,0.0984048956644605,0.0,0.0,0.07020279087053749,0.0,0.0,0.09189967564025202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093312452491637,0.0,0.0,0.05840162708035865,0.0,0.0,0.06978848494103419,0.0,0.10103637658896177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936641540929625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057415188876966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184993484816471,0.06977663108933371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279949541598896,0.0,0.0,0.062446741487872735,0.0,0.0,0.05660934448590552
suicidewatch,throwitaway201213,2019/02/04,"Rope I've already decided in the method (Short Drop Hanging), and I want to buy rope. I've gone into home Depot several times to look at rope...but you need an associate to cut the length that you need. So...what do people usually buy rope for at a hardware store? I feel like it will be too obvious unless I really have a good understanding of what ""project"" I may be using it for. Thanks.",2.3171978021978035,4.2341215256410285,4.0352014652014665,85.97884615384619,77.33333333333333,8.046886446886448,23.96336996336997,8.841846274778883,1.7462908424908417,301,10,63,7,7,101,57,78,0.055,0.815,0.13,0.6887,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,1,1,12,15,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,3,11,10,0,10,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,3,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29943280897037633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719874354488662,0.193846885591094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275889209913208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27217829951432604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256406806810495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785906604486106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023935309065312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811448107878856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382872887768994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065393941015853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981539499771016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822178926276376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282476746691493,0.0,0.23435249625934185,0.29884504239195514,0.0,0.16004462981917952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Pugz,2019/02/04,Im done I've reached my breaking point today I don't know what to do,-3.3584313725490205,-1.9990413529411768,-0.19176470588235264,106.53039215686277,109.58823529411764,2.266666666666667,17.43137254901961,3.1291,-1.2869450980392156,55,2,15,0,3,19,14,17,0.0,0.8959999999999999,0.104,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930342561512347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204114552770542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647769351247715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554434098176841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566767068259456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Meowmiq,2019/02/04,"I’m going to try to end it all again tonight I have so many problems that can’t be fixed. I’m not even a person, I’m just an alien trying to be human. Everything I do goes wrong and I inconvenience everyone I care about. My parents hate me and constantly say I just want to be different and I have nothing to be sad about, my siblings are selfish and push me away when I try to reach out (I’m the youngest) and I’ve not been able to maintain any solid friendships where I feel it’s appropriate to talk about how I want to die all the time. 

I love my boyfriend but he’s at the end of his rope with me. I just can’t function no matter how hard I try. Everything has tipped over since I was so desperate to make him happy I ended up being scammed $650 I don’t have to buy tickets to a festival he was dying to go to. 

Nothing ever works out. I’m such a failure. I don’t want to do this anymore. ",0.5729951166576228,2.3961958762886617,2.8075691806836685,93.11976939772111,82.50515463917526,5.939880629408574,23.097124253933806,7.0608816371341465,0.6706536082474228,696,25,162,9,19,237,111,194,0.134,0.737,0.129,-0.5992,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,17,9,1,0,7,0,19,1,0,3,3,26,34,11,2,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,8,0,0,1,1,1,3,7,5,0,0,3,3,24,4,26,26,2,19,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,9,104,28,1,0.13966029533208596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497378998141133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850548512859068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121544480028666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239297896181946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509231640250981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28989067407540225,0.14591528344341834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37109270487716706,0.0,0.0,0.0922443078992274,0.1263307328306756,0.0,0.13345139720027951,0.2510353361933004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061644164225123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874432861998675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867098135364473,0.12510819253989947,0.13788562768018536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604886923918812,0.0,0.09322433161413372,0.14159361891660152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268015640060262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507623028463602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194598293526315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363604109793067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110634724018733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552843950837165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225365514996834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143704132648337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792806919517193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24712578198103344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167435834784806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269660870517618,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justacoacher,2019/02/04,"Anyone else want to die just because life is so... meaningless? I mean, what's the point of this ""life"" thing anyway?

I'm 25 and I got my engineering degree about a year ago. Now hear I am, living the adult life like I'm supposed to like a good little member of society. Work, get home, be too tired to do anything worthwhile. 2 days off on weekends doing what I want, and then back to the grind on Monday.

My role on this planet is so meaningless. The planet is dying, the rich are getting richer, and all I get is maybe two dozen hours of free time per week. The rest of the time is spent working, sleeping, or doing chores.

I understand how some people might love their life and find deep meaning in it. But for me... it's just so pointless lol. I make a decent living and I can afford most things I want, but ultimately I just find that there's no reason for any of this so what's the point of living through it?",2.3765472972972965,4.142644800000003,3.4620777027027034,90.83527871621622,76.67567567567569,5.922297297297297,20.75168918918919,6.6274283507984215,0.226304054054054,708,17,150,6,16,228,114,185,0.061,0.815,0.124,0.7453,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,2,14,6,0,0,11,1,13,7,1,3,1,26,29,14,2,3,6,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,2,1,12,5,0,0,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,14,7,19,25,4,21,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,4,14,98,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059387177362363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484235118563442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723640171799522,0.12783328147776055,0.10266839020564747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593417843059086,0.0,0.07605367913639051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046108610872582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589662514274665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422253491157336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280601814013393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554878619580848,0.0,0.0,0.1046443388957938,0.09978346620379004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061569709229355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514633001640788,0.0,0.12286531249495053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524919991905981,0.12190469732797647,0.12504417180300278,0.3305010559976632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260246045394676,0.0,0.08327951831131969,0.0,0.1253400694984108,0.2718045074759867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235263017249935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649417301805233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588059116696394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282759834140666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485197347117105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657724879643543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549930167244768,0.14339541858148494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218742202757064,0.1298815086525814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207633536153824,0.0,0.10007644814963046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165625735712013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034255505028412
suicidewatch,In-Visible,2019/02/04,"Monthly Rant I've always wanted to die

just not to wake up

hit with car or some sh!t

Even tried suicide by pills

and up to today I wish I died back then

Because it got SO MUCH worse

Lost my job

Loosing my home (rent) by the end of week

But you know what?

Now, I don't want to die

like what the hell, eh?

F\*\*\*! (mad)",-1.714142857142857,0.21592872857143064,0.12000000000000098,106.67000000000002,97.42857142857142,2.8000000000000003,12.714285714285715,3.1291,-1.906457142857143,241,4,63,0,10,77,58,70,0.353,0.59,0.057,-0.982,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,2,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,11,8,5,4,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,10,5,2,10,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,2,8,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620917079519731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535965006040277,0.0,0.12176660252386327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.621931265444361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769204555610401,0.0,0.0,0.13193391916863018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975944629714195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036694605003927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822244741498574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977814829278926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758844669899068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180522550009745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594396658117963,0.0,0.14684026644024487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184956162151828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893409757166988,0.0,0.0,0.13561809203676453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356371082176607,0.0,0.16022852835274956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297042578333393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035637470375537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hopeless14455,2019/02/04,"Nobody Cares For the first time, suicide and death feels like a way out and something i think about constantly. These thoughts scare me and i feel completely hopeless. It feels like nobody cares about me or how i feel. I'm going to fail this year of university, my lecturers don't care, the university just told me to see a doctor when i told them how i feel, the doctor then told me to go through the university's ""support network"" it's an absolute joke. I live in a country who doesn't give two shits about mental health, nobody wants to help me. Whenever i visualise my future, i'ts either homeless on the pavement or dead in some ditch somewhere.
I've disappointed everyone, my parents, my friends, my teachers and it's too late to fix now.
nobody wants to help, there is no help, nobody cares. ",5.784671052631579,6.739149177631582,5.864315789473686,80.09121052631579,67.09210526315789,8.974736842105264,31.647368421052622,9.120678840339163,2.639926842105264,633,25,119,11,10,200,94,152,0.173,0.643,0.184,-0.2422,1,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,2,10,14,1,1,9,0,3,4,1,2,0,21,25,10,3,2,4,1,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,5,0,2,4,6,18,9,16,21,2,16,0,3,1,0,11,4,1,3,11,71,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052473432157452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989396731541802,0.13387866489161868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536087595236737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838007108122515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31320688866850543,0.17701089192322736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053788718732172,0.0,0.0,0.09571538196788056,0.0,0.0,0.11884443550358124,0.14081654669806665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316869037565374,0.0,0.0,0.2491180776369935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975079807817545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105061091982157,0.0,0.10939516856222577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248497310751675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756270484416633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403326781136595,0.0,0.09872251101203597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271690131755213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537485614406713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551311000846322,0.14058637059038073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938227913997277,0.0,0.09835304911450786,0.07223995359453295,0.0,0.0,0.3551402132436755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102034739530453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614443036023314,0.0983363434579876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977966054524084
suicidewatch,NIBsab,2019/02/04,"I tried to commit suicide yesterday.... Hi! I just wanted to share my story. 

I tried to commit suicide last. I had been planning it for one week and I had made some preparation like emptying my apartment and withdrawing money from my account. I have been battling depression for the last 4-5 years since my mother died and I had decided that I wanted to put an end to my constant anxiety. I have been off my meds for 1 month and have since been acting more and more irrational for the last couple of days. I bought a rope, tied a noose and drank lots of alcohol. I hadn't been sleeping all night and I felt numb... 

I called the national suicide prevention lifeline and talked to the nicest guy ever. He was so calm and sincere. I talked to him for 45 minutes and he offered to call me back. I really wish I could thank that guy and I appreciate that I had the opportunity to talk with him cause it felt so much better afterwards. I had never called a suicide prevention line before and to be honest I didn't think it would make any difference if I talked to some stranger over the phone about my problems. I was so close to doing something permanent..suicide.

 I feel so ashamed of myself. I have never come so close to doing something like this, I feel afraid of myself and that I sometimes get so overwhelmed by emotions that I can't think straight.",3.706110340041637,5.660573316793897,4.412560721721028,84.63811242192922,73.46564885496184,7.511727966689799,27.55794587092297,8.296473431620573,1.9291389312977103,1067,41,204,18,22,341,138,262,0.151,0.706,0.14300000000000002,-0.7351,0,0,3,0,0,7,27.0,0,0,0,3,10,16,1,3,10,0,24,4,1,3,6,46,40,20,5,7,2,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,17,2,2,7,0,3,3,5,7,0,1,19,4,39,9,28,18,7,26,0,2,0,0,18,7,0,4,18,143,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331017164490136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573849553637454,0.0,0.07395181358148317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433278866525553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225852509919895,0.0,0.0,0.08549621372008255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29613074571356895,0.0,0.0,0.09930608539278163,0.0,0.08327211396753925,0.0,0.10446526085292904,0.0,0.07718263645639484,0.10696283387200982,0.0,0.06234375493009585,0.0,0.08326119813202419,0.0,0.10032755767392433,0.10099893045451194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874004479970396,0.08562038055595307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744299156558606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775788951040873,0.0,0.18563553538468905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050505762860303054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143577548919452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363953488895165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445555538205286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218485269925671,0.0,0.09147090778788422,0.0645275639615594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737789222516107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716057942101606,0.0,0.0710631196018688,0.0,0.14911477566347714,0.0,0.0,0.0907176676054348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550567590550453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249954427357827,0.0,0.09717943041719844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192888226341683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993182553695848,0.0,0.0967391967106617,0.0,0.0,0.14884162811104193,0.09560849185230576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287030759339469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31079675390282924,0.0,0.08900018014449025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388367488084265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126433134752868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403621370248858,0.0,0.07754234822637306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111650199443882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867115627231284,0.0,0.0,0.06225191337517193
suicidewatch,HalsySmiff,2019/02/04,"I'm a living trainwreck It's currently 11:19 am right now
I'm drunk on chardonay
21 year old male
UK
Fuck valentines day
Fuck everything else too
Now downvote this post, it's what reddit's good for anyway",1.286178861788617,3.962398146341464,2.040853658536588,92.60160569105692,91.92682926829269,4.684552845528454,21.46747967479675,6.42735559955562,0.5572894308943089,168,6,32,2,6,52,34,41,0.217,0.716,0.067,-0.7579,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,9,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,6,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040864079691045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643563964671721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844081122653685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851125523712828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654262858282265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27943434775171416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320648452306288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030750959964549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702496658813433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378575856055126
suicidewatch,respunsibility,2019/02/04,"Am I Experiencing Suicidal Thoughts? (help!) Let's just straight up say that I would *never* actually commit suicide because I'm too scared of the pain (and other reasons).

But I often find myself wondering what would happen if I killed myself. e.g. what my friends and family would be like, my will. And sometimes I think about what are the best ways to kill myself. (I'm in my early teens and don't have access to such things like rope and pills, I would never slit my wrists though). I have (what I think is) depression and definitely have social anxiety and I hate myself. (possible eating-disorder to come). ~~Sometimes~~ A lot of the time I wish there was a button I could push to make it all stop. But if there was actually a button idk if I would still press it.

Is this still considered suicidal thoughts? I would really like to know, not knowing is feeding my anxiety.

Advice would be appreciated! ",3.43964148973199,6.064461408284025,4.5556978767838485,80.10683605986776,76.92899408284023,8.000139227288548,24.73407587887226,8.841846274778883,2.156217960320223,714,25,129,17,17,233,102,169,0.225,0.635,0.14,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,3,1,6,0,23,4,1,2,4,41,37,13,5,12,7,0,1,3,1,8,2,1,0,0,10,8,1,1,9,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,3,22,5,10,21,3,13,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,6,10,98,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.20849640444041284,0.0,0.0,0.10439056885945486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634454467277686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651210351422756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121088406985964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202240762083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852930434311967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201034474146706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243353753602053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070743281008103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976383736870669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253463955058739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446718032063707,0.0,0.0,0.10547001163173353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160420237785174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23637753900712125,0.0,0.11741916920820172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923832747964804,0.0,0.15657151965916824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908208961561512,0.0,0.0,0.07130816681277807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647838635841824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367196166461005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043192309101708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843641377194025,0.10983643288100166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849534931461868,0.10695293526099944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889715418152897,0.0,0.0,0.2113102019404854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706251136070063,0.08931254966369219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505557453455337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097142529416307,0.13690146057653232,0.10495744844085744,0.16961815939032965,0.06229195776575095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847946745357118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284632022777925,0.0,0.11584983598051656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5312101954951697,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuiciOutsider,2019/02/04,"Anybody else have their life ruined by OTHER people? Some people don't fucking think, do they?",3.876470588235293,7.004732235294122,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,79.58823529411767,3.4000000000000004,20.264705882352946,3.1291,-0.04379999999999962,76,2,11,0,2,23,15,17,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989508456642187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415084157160925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373238361700612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6621777814146682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30600940663308457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psyqowut,2019/02/04,"Does it ever stop? I stopped rationalizing. I got tired of that. I simply stopped caring about anything all together. Now it just pops in my head with extreme detail (more so lately). Honestly, there isn’t much “shit” going on in my life. Yeah, it sucks. But it’s definitely not the worst. I think my mind and body simply do not want to take more of this world. I have no one depending on me, but I do have people that want me around. I don’t really want to be around anyone. I’m happiest alone when Ive have had nothing to experience or engage in or occupy my mind with. I just want to die already ",0.6648209366391171,3.078879173553723,2.8667438016528948,88.87708539944904,87.84297520661156,6.2018732782369135,18.810468319559227,7.554174236665415,0.6580441873278233,464,13,98,9,15,157,79,121,0.19,0.6679999999999999,0.142,-0.0833,0,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,2,0,1,1,10,5,3,1,2,26,21,7,1,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,15,3,16,18,5,16,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,3,7,69,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713049378251355,0.17807563769729007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283354830886574,0.0,0.13279363359702573,0.28730675054051835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792455205986308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645273126603546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747642306055466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412158396240516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596826424017326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785067376360268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171020221060804,0.0,0.12906220720482692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561201712410675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820322149828617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398029445246086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258750860309628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118625404209741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483871933700974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934838388544957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187353280820402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337765541272532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564382789839655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047372505783184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213300414129619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103399281442055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547089943126827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807204643081942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ayewheezy,2019/02/04,"Does anyone have a friend/partner/family member that actually helped when you said you were suicidal? What did they say or do that helps? My partner doesn't know what to do and just says he'll pay for me to see someone. It's not very comforting. So I just keep it to myself. 

Just wondering how you're supported through this :) ",2.9641145833333336,5.220410515625002,3.8731250000000017,86.29270833333338,76.65625,8.016666666666666,24.729166666666664,8.841846274778883,1.8895604166666675,259,9,52,6,6,83,52,64,0.129,0.754,0.117,-0.2107,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,13,5,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,7,2,5,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,2,1,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.2462033910711952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764104334650779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078493367966198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784114196561726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949223843234269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382158553321924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425126534887616,0.0,0.0,0.1386546579228121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23999018844143385,0.4012700008342324,0.0,0.0,0.20104634006809186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376861761089505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759696296128922,0.28630121925491303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816968337763653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736030153613181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Malh15777,2019/02/04,"I’m so close to actually doing it I’ve been inching toward it and getting a lot more comfortable with the idea, it’s been on my mind since 5th grade but I’m 20 now and things have really started gaining traction now in the last year, nothing ever goes right and things are just so bad that it’s just too much to overcome, I feel like I’m buried and can’t do it anymore with the constant daily pain of my life , it will seriously be any day now, nothing ever works out or goes my way and I have nobody to rely on, the only one who really cares about me is my dog. how will things get better if they’ve never gone right before, I have no energy for even the simplest things or to do anything that might help me, what do I do I feel like everything is pointless, and nothing really gives me joy anymore I just can’t do it anymore ",4.970982658959535,4.648849479768792,6.02636416184971,82.6697196531792,68.65317919075144,8.76971098265896,28.860693641618496,8.238735603445708,1.8033403468208105,652,20,138,8,10,218,103,173,0.081,0.748,0.171,0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,14,9,0,0,6,0,20,2,0,1,3,27,31,13,0,1,7,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,13,6,14,24,3,22,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,5,13,97,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.12588083763900326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772125017914252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837861260836269,0.0,0.0,0.1061521683081829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770571528553506,0.0,0.0,0.10976552780404653,0.0,0.0,0.114085889735018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151933953260067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393981290192233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319131855252213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520020115458947,0.2333673284413121,0.0,0.0,0.11593268803070685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044783292891995,0.1843085839711462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478947527497456,0.12374407801987365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646285290135756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562003009025953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514841353317753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111321885543212,0.12604120822774564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096672195757565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684366381863286,0.13024851434058934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482641247329114,0.0,0.09948915346066027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713235043834336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741057636588401,0.09810676383511754,0.13726012962971024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791314115203356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032261988217264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067062728243585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130356094570596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427950707712645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239049144785266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391013907290667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306876545862199
suicidewatch,engelrekt,2019/02/04,"Life doesn't get better. Life doesn't get better after you've failed so much.  When your talents are useless and your mind easily distracted.  What is to love?  To live for?  More failure? The intolerable knowledge that you are only useful as a human mule?  That even with a high reading comprehension simple paperwork frustrates you into a blind rage that cause you to punch a hole in the wall?  No.  Not from tedium but because there is a wall in your mind.  You stare at the words but there is just a solid brick in your head you can't push through like you're missing a chunk of your brain.

Sometimes when you try to think that is the moment when you are at your blankest and what is worse it is consistent and predictable.  I call myself stupid because I have severe compulsions toward anger and frustration because of severe mental blocks.  Sometimes I can't even get a simple point across verbally.

It gets worse with every passing year too.  To the point i have seriously considered suicide.  I have sat in that tub late at night with gun in my hand just thinking about ending it all.  Just to end the damn wall in my mind and never feel that frustration again.  

I have no future.  I panic involuntarily in extreme fashion when minor things make me uncomfortable.   I lack mental clarity and suffer from rampant paranoia.  Despite being extremely aware of it all. I don't see hope at the end of this, stop lying to me and telling me it gets better.  In 34 years it has consistently gotten worse.  I am a wretched idiot that fits in nowhere and with no one, not even my friends whom I more and more often distance myself from.  I hate my life with a passion that borders on the painter's.  This life is a curse, a curse squandered and used up.

I have no passion to do anything and i cannot force myself too.  I drag myself to a job that will eat up my life and spit me out without regard.  In even basic situations i become unsure and nervous to do something.  Why?  Sometimes i lie awake at night trying to shut down my mental functions to enjoy the peace non existence temporarily.  

I dont be long in this world, this age or this life.  I can only hope to cling to this life until my usefulness is used up and pray for a quick end.  Whatever Joy's I feel are wasted on me and whatever sorrow redundant.  Emptiness would be preferable to this hell.",3.9145136278195487,5.970195352678572,4.521734022556392,83.64234492481206,73.15178571428572,6.947932330827067,26.07518796992481,7.7627490962704995,1.5252625000000006,1850,64,343,25,38,589,225,448,0.311,0.615,0.07400000000000001,-0.9991,1,0,1,1,0,2,40.0,0,13,0,4,21,32,10,3,23,0,34,16,4,6,3,57,56,25,1,5,9,0,3,1,1,2,8,0,0,1,26,22,1,2,6,1,0,2,15,19,0,1,2,6,49,13,61,49,7,60,2,5,3,3,19,35,2,4,24,245,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436488763851317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303876302055935,0.086383137089466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752639133895626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731463066786341,0.07986701314134162,0.0,0.0,0.08034910803978429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916682619559904,0.0,0.0,0.08003422615313745,0.0,0.0,0.2771037114387264,0.0,0.0,0.20664302807919704,0.0,0.0659001323517207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909645410898529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604292848533039,0.0,0.20432247332292847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722184783358567,0.08027191202650698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263922112468379,0.0,0.15537175152271046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776170506894966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823075885939151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38672262010617386,0.038212258565687336,0.0,0.06906592928647869,0.06921846647722918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059275693737074,0.0,0.05220961220840045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364692009127051,0.0,0.236926794550528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574975667598887,0.0,0.06032479869045276,0.0,0.0,0.146800342531197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300100804228318,0.11897318597379447,0.0,0.09176931556070912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787830720007294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823690389726712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232781624777601,0.0,0.0,0.17672304054460744,0.0,0.0,0.08791776618217179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060214296085730125,0.2320720933962063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539185890905967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555532201508136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683640021674527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196306058763705,0.10023497289210308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620670323975198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702131373329771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057753751134542,0.0,0.0,0.07539717991886824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391255563394357,0.055562215877477776,0.0,0.0,0.1007367412315411
suicidewatch,NiennaLadyOfTears,2019/02/04,"Never going to get anywhere in life  I'm a 36 year old female, late diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (at 34, though suspected long before.) Functioning labels suck, but I consider myself ""middle functioning,"" in that I still struggle to remember basic hygiene, I don't remember to feed myself, I can't organize my own stuff, I am unemployed/unemployable, suffer numerous sensory processing issues as well as synesthesia, and have multiple learning disabilities and other issues affecting my education and employability.   


I was married at 27 but my late husband (also autistic) died in 2016, and I bounced back to my family as I was unable to take care of myself. And I'm sick of it. The good ol' government thinks that I'm employable with an ""understanding employer"", but I've only been employed for 15 MONTHS of my entire 18 years of adult life, never more than 3 months at a time because jobs won't keep me because I'm ""slow."" And now that I've got a diagnosis in hand, all it does is make it so jobs just don't choose to extend my employment past the 90 day trial period.   


The last job I had was almost three years ago now. Lasted for the normal 3 months.   


My mother is not young, and she wishes she never adopted me, because I'm worthless for the purposes for which she adopted me (to care for her in her old age/ clean her house/ basically be her servant.)    


I'm so stuck that I just feel like ending it all.  ",7.860159914712156,7.2699829477611955,8.651087420042646,67.13410447761193,62.80597014925373,12.134754797441365,35.933901918976545,11.491704259439757,4.302439445628998,1122,45,194,30,14,381,160,268,0.111,0.789,0.1,-0.3075,12,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,1,1,9,0,14,6,1,2,5,34,34,17,1,2,6,2,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,11,9,1,1,8,0,0,1,8,4,1,1,7,2,30,5,30,25,4,39,0,2,0,0,10,9,1,1,30,124,41,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781755830015476,0.0,0.11049838918429568,0.0,0.0,0.08824590015235119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485142025608912,0.0,0.2018028234356314,0.0,0.09389870618564117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250159238071096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116585082982109,0.0,0.0,0.11200171509082957,0.11452463861935358,0.0,0.12646929165054382,0.0,0.0965669836071524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977362887023671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402703334197604,0.0,0.05579567183703145,0.0788332089319222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057652696565883926,0.0,0.06271376934101415,0.09255534286450164,0.08825602057553272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732770621069803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303509675282601,0.328512488051276,0.09808308884087104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989800961671595,0.2489565188582393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588524991575445,0.053910852593850526,0.0,0.0,0.09765522068295374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365868476239719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26423809206755544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553234055268574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811840044107318,0.0,0.0,0.2315850180977072,0.0,0.0,0.08392523933946941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534042139002103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500073715769962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812469887722985,0.0,0.0,0.11536053114536668,0.12632298195203606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296856890397362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070705908479154,0.1084171414540601,0.0,0.06434527607962291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148769985261152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921682879777093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689568082203184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131830390756487
suicidewatch,Haleyisabitch,2019/02/04,Best place to stab self in the stomach I think I’ll confront my ex tomorrow and stab myself in the stomach so she can see the pain she’s put me through since Wednesday. She told me she was pregnant 2 weeks ago. Said we’re never getting back together. We ended up getting back together. Then 2 days later on Wednesday I call her crying because I’m nervous to be a dad. She was mad because her kid could hear the speaker phone and that I need to stop what I’m doing doing. Hung up on me. Finally called me back. Then started yelling at me again and hung up. I go to where we usually meet up in the morning and see her in the drive through. Try to get in her car. It’s locked. So I just go home. She hasn’t talked to me since. Called me a pussy ass bitch mamas boy for crying in the first place. Has bipolar disorder and pregnant. Feel like I’ll never talk to her again. She blocked my number. Think I’ll just wait for her at work and stab myself so she can realize how much I’m seriously in pain. How do I stab myself in a the safest spot? Maybe leg? Slit my wrist horizontally?,0.9201934523809534,3.104820870535712,2.483928571428571,93.87773809523813,83.59821428571429,5.340476190476192,22.279761904761905,6.6274283507984215,0.4268726190476193,841,29,186,9,24,274,118,224,0.211,0.745,0.044,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,2,0,0,3,13,9,3,1,11,0,11,8,5,2,2,23,30,13,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,3,3,8,0,3,4,0,0,5,3,7,0,1,4,7,35,2,27,24,2,46,0,0,2,1,31,19,2,0,23,113,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092358415986274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842684829876208,0.0,0.15023956597054364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932214246302426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774944155940015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838902128485064,0.0,0.27072444436608023,0.07947306949355312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123210341683162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914508536769107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230872326598773,0.08803544142018649,0.0,0.1349922955832832,0.0,0.10481926169541676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314755773641085,0.0,0.14006874620130524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888901588774774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360960388749365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020388830723339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380096435826905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058813106269396,0.09137338474632548,0.19008494021745773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225053312189284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574979652023223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388005238936366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721982262346525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639649833126152,0.0,0.12855562644314186,0.0,0.0,0.20387403837611573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722273393786671,0.0,0.0,0.10302568646121534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980949980393834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792144560367455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775141856817213,0.0,0.08366499049426836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357202884275735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884756598632367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971281064596234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slindorff,2019/02/04,"It's the family hobby... My uncle called my grandmother, on Mother's Day, to say he'd just drink a glass of insecticide. 

His example leads me forward. ",2.568160919540229,5.063353862068968,5.269655172413792,74.49919540229888,79.34482758620689,9.383908045977012,23.459770114942533,9.725611199111238,2.831266666666667,118,4,21,4,3,42,27,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,12,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144709733000347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32493132924220625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935656305026495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749699726314164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400669118342856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sics2014,2019/02/04,"I just told my mom I've been thinking about suicide for the past 2 hours She just got up for work and I went out in the kitchen to tell her. She hugged me, started making her tea, and told me to call the suicide hotline.",3.5397163120567363,3.703295595744685,3.826382978723405,95.53333333333336,71.76595744680851,6.266666666666668,28.43262411347518,3.1291,0.5476581560283691,171,6,41,0,3,53,34,47,0.174,0.774,0.052000000000000005,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,7,8,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,9,1,8,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485072485850719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464464807676626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396697210595917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624508864084112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850311632514917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323235187357091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225803134750894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324129910342743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127154805555581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594120992939747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650995591442692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256057638485645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771757367698865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ocdaccount400,2019/02/04,"I don’t know what’s real and I feel like a monster. If what my mind is telling me is true then I need to end my life now. First of all, I have OCD. You can read my first post on my profile, posted in the OCD subreddit, for more details on what I am currently dealing with. This has been unbearable for the last few days. I feel like a monster. There are other things that I feel like I am remembering, which are perhaps a little bit worse than what I talked about in my first post, however they could very likely be false memories my OCD is giving me, as I have no solid memory of these other things happening, but if it is true then I feel I truly am the person I have always hated. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a monster. I have an amazing life filled with amazing people and I feel I don’t deserve it, and I feel I’ve betrayed everyone I love because I have these dark horrible secrets of things that go against all of my most important morals. I feel that I would be doing them a favor if I just ended my life so they never have to know how horrible I am, and they won’t have to be in the presence of a hypocrite and a degenerate. I am disgusted by myself and cannot stand to be in my own skin right now. I am shaking and I feel like I just need to end this now. ",3.7294812242240014,3.8013689852398542,5.213774690688087,86.07537008899506,71.32472324723247,8.442891252441937,27.38029086173215,8.313332769828598,1.5828370306056003,989,31,223,14,17,335,129,271,0.11,0.726,0.165,0.9123,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,4,3,9,15,2,1,12,0,35,5,1,1,5,42,54,16,0,7,6,0,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,20,9,0,0,14,1,0,3,7,3,0,3,1,10,46,12,26,46,7,30,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,4,21,171,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369658586325154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061317007086045996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981514114115837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031067284226777,0.0,0.0,0.06487040525984274,0.10370095866546372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672711384513696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611535443535804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577390730874328,0.3592974826912853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566781940807302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964923820096302,0.05716600848702474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894890495005232,0.0,0.0,0.09930900877817912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584023920950255,0.08199197124181133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314308516275232,0.294850871440823,0.10081477261295008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078385087957168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156437061917817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491682285893966,0.0775790288727916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973448069932925,0.08782883969510355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289004120809928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061439338585802,0.11449022428640873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394565878886301,0.0859008962013472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808481595378985,0.08791762282080802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047694473043876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299495212230151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250692275919912,0.07145424176073245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoNotAskTwice,2019/02/04,"I honestly just want to leave. 
I've been wanting to die for a long time. Sometimes it's worse than others. I will explain so maybe someone can feel a connection.
I'm still a very young person. (17) and it's been a rough last 5 years. 
I will be honest, my home life is fine. I have a loving family that would do anything for me. I am fortunate and thankful for that.

But, over time I have developed social issues due to many reasons. One of which being my insecurity in appearance. I think i am actually hideous so over time I have yielded from talking to people, making me more and more anxious. I now hardly talk to anybody except for 2 friends who know nothing about who I really am.. i'm on a tangent. My apologies. 
Some may say, i'm too young. I haven't experienced life enough. Things like that. And tbh.. I completely agree, but I don't have the motivation to do so. My thoughts are almost constantly plagued with thoughts of self doubt and hate. I have nobody to reassure me that ""Everything will get better"". I heard that once. 4 years ago. 
Nothing ever got better.. Regardless, I have many specific things that attribute to how I got to this point. I have no one to blame except myself. 

I keep ranting.. I'm sorry. ",1.3766666666666652,3.989110924369751,3.0224873949579845,87.52300280112046,86.81512605042015,6.030476190476191,23.479551820728286,7.42949916751922,1.3081340056022417,952,37,185,17,30,313,143,238,0.121,0.782,0.098,-0.804,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,1,2,7,0,26,3,0,5,1,34,48,11,1,4,5,0,3,1,1,5,2,2,1,2,15,6,0,2,8,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,7,6,28,10,26,34,4,21,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,5,16,125,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.11864518250887812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077739162169694,0.0,0.12174546518035015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735153527013452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005052094390587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505642102757996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747500515580162,0.13138549734083935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618152632134738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562531870716084,0.0,0.0,0.10997666441468726,0.0,0.0,0.10926885448279068,0.0,0.1146154225327895,0.0,0.06147483300883245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393291360650308,0.0,0.0635208749569054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944783151908944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891238733594724,0.12003572735794413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219553115353204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689861772418246,0.0,0.10806647377765184,0.0,0.0,0.06681754919533589,0.09910446218938604,0.0,0.12873636035673466,0.0,0.0,0.17175202648515991,0.059398167482430826,0.0,0.0,0.10759505506914356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973128930352344,0.0,0.08115603229305098,0.2465274056744965,0.12214411099017665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23331983789171706,0.0,0.0,0.1294794311932194,0.16477239873280294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842887187744417,0.10615953965822407,0.0,0.0,0.1149330187194903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788768179496837,0.12500516409639031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966858179271545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683514046984082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393616827341927,0.10301489569565292,0.0,0.12024637807306612,0.13609959098007582,0.0,0.0,0.0970944693211096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544385257856148,0.0,0.1119351336150929,0.0,0.0,0.1615455715803041,0.07790397546388737,0.0,0.19304292111605287,0.2126839755665443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031677455658193,0.1434228424821629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390107588435315,0.08636741004754163,0.0,0.0,0.15658791319595858
suicidewatch,worrywort000,2019/02/04,"I don't know if I want to die, but why's everything have to be so hard? There's just no end. I've struggled with OCD and anxiety for literally as long as I can remember so just being happy and calm is a constant struggle. I'm in school and im graduating soon and regardless of what I want to do after I graduate (grad school or work in industry or whatever), it'll be more and more work and struggle and effort to get anywhere, effectively forever. There's no hobbies without a skill hierarchy and even if I don't want to necessarily be the absolute best at what I do, it's hard to not want to at least be better than I am now but that always requires more and more work.

I have some success romantically and I have friends but I recently found out it's well-agreed that I'm low-key manipulative, and while I never intended it actively, looking back, I must've been intentionally blind to not have known that what I was doing. Plus, to stop doing the things I do, I feel like I have to fundamentally change way I interact with people. 

I want to be able to feel good about myself and I want to be able to make a decision about my future that satisfies me and I want to be able to really relax for a long period of time, but as long as I've been fighting or whatever, there's another 40 fucking years where that came from apparently so time to buckle up and never get a permanent reward or vacation, I guess.

Like I said, I don't think I actually want to die, but goddamn, I want off this train.",5.747440694310512,5.279066718032791,7.424108003857281,73.79060752169724,67.06557377049181,11.373191899710704,32.36740597878496,10.966923227221727,3.4100106075216967,1179,44,244,32,17,414,153,305,0.184,0.6559999999999999,0.16,0.7287,1,0,0,0,2,2,28.0,0,0,0,11,15,16,2,3,7,0,28,2,0,5,2,64,52,34,2,12,16,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,14,19,0,2,9,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,6,7,29,11,42,37,7,29,0,0,2,1,4,8,1,8,21,171,43,10,0.290399531941487,0.0,0.09446268417959733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054522466559545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150307654742788,0.07405161569225492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744331049232222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158546418174702,0.08561159564486598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107132337410086,0.0,0.0,0.1024013997300982,0.0,0.0,0.10460624256832617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092591065467091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573593005082987,0.0,0.0,0.0639353840080459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699745807969791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788981925283458,0.06915382788118947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061360325722806,0.07478731933693583,0.08948989594806303,0.10114784642717113,0.0,0.0,0.0811911164933491,0.0,0.0,0.1066359414554234,0.0,0.0,0.10304523390302243,0.17342729355895595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456044243556074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053198662717059066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458302843977387,0.0,0.0,0.2569944474278764,0.08128748927993534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461464752008805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931601439769798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710882357905415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201245875557159,0.0,0.09557816791054817,0.0,0.10965535322806896,0.0,0.09207881856667703,0.0,0.0,0.19593322001057534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809290039777844,0.0,0.30358864328351143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430951508570902,0.062025431416312435,0.0,0.0,0.11288953493750326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51385550379456,0.07683521048985653,0.0,0.0,0.08703468493238202,0.0,0.08734680293981624,0.0,0.0,0.09331159528670993,0.0,0.2114143178951353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062335925815888836
suicidewatch,avenelhops,2019/02/04,Is it Sometimes it is the most difficult not killing yourself because you know that it would almost kill your family ,5.3514285714285705,8.260678666666667,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,71.85714285714286,8.009523809523811,34.3095238095238,8.841846274778883,3.475838095238096,96,5,15,2,2,29,18,21,0.248,0.621,0.13,-0.5299,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348302615814767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038331136397422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152208737391184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7398772096459257,0.0,0.1837648526962831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307073997769588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375318247418425,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raisedbylupin,2019/02/04,"Have you ever regretted being rescued? I almost died 5 years ago but woke up and felt incredibly embarrassed. 

I decided to give it another go, tried different jobs, moved countries, had two beautiful dogs.

Now it's almost psychedelic that I shouldn't have survived. Life didn't necessarily get worse, it's just me stuck in the very same little world of a 12 year old little girl that never wanted to experience pain another day.

It's almost too painful to wake up everyday.

I tried exercise, I love my dogs very much and I really hope someone better than me will look after them.",6.563452380952383,7.597527064814818,7.4715873015873076,68.97500000000002,65.3888888888889,11.356613756613758,32.09523809523809,11.20814326018867,3.9827126984127004,465,18,79,14,7,156,83,108,0.168,0.638,0.194,0.7459,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,2,4,7,0,1,2,0,7,6,1,0,2,16,17,3,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,2,11,3,9,9,2,18,0,1,1,1,5,6,0,4,10,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287727233335513,0.0,0.4363995200811471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046556553886215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128479144018188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936868654151515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076689563801585,0.15177579879774428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140465779594154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421015306082974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948158431711113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589736314548763,0.13935582444279498,0.08256005372546486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428547746228665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415764909893009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260820505039732,0.0,0.2911965786498757,0.0,0.0,0.12198986554807925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111147348556326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439858042325053,0.10678986098264616,0.0,0.1120408606656668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243599401746846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091541645265833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306341692811114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308644919188948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972570269236246,0.0,0.141907277477185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397252453865078,0.08568376590067284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804211933307262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709770166249545
suicidewatch,llamallamabarryobama,2019/02/04,"Suicide hotline asked me to call back... So here I am, trying to work through the emotions that are making my head and chest hurt right now.
Don't fear the reaper just came on the radio.
I'm sitting in the car taking slow, deep breaths because
it feels like I'm drowning

My mother in law has a serious, twenty year Xanax addiction going on, as well as a while lot of abuse she's doling out that she doesn't remember the next day.

She won't bathe, her teeth are rotting because she stopped brushing them so long ago, she screams at my daughter and scares my son. She's continually passive aggressive and threatens us that she's going to kill herself. She won't let us clean up the house. It's so full! We've been cleaning here for six months and there's still so much to do!

I can't put into words the dysfunction and how it's making my husband angry and mean to me and our kids. Yesterday he yelled at me in the front yard that I'm autistic and I can't see it. He told me I couldn't take the kids somewhere while he gets things in order here. Then he told me to get my stuff packed and get out. Then he told me I couldn't use the car. Then he said he'd see me in court and drive off in the car. Then he came back home and told me I couldn't leave.

This behavior is driving me psychotic. I don't sleep well, my kids are afraid of grandma, my husband insists that we stay here, even though my anxiety is on full blast about having our kids in this environment.

Mother in law came out angry and I offered her pizza instead of reacted to her shitty, passive aggressive attempt at lashing out at me. My husband is mad at me because I should have just left the room, apparently.

I'm not allowed to even make decisions about how to speak for myself, let alone try to use conflict resolution to rectify a problem.

I'm scared all the time. I don't know anyone in this city. I didn't grow up here and my whole life is this shit at home and being lectured or yelled at by my husband in the car if we go anywhere else.

Damn! ",4.2326309683177135,4.716852443373497,4.877215528781797,87.47166443551987,70.34939759036145,7.786702365015619,28.623382418563146,7.662118739084242,1.5038174921909864,1584,55,343,17,27,509,207,415,0.16,0.807,0.033,-0.9946,2,1,0,0,1,1,39.0,6,0,1,2,26,17,6,4,17,0,30,10,6,9,1,55,62,31,4,6,5,8,1,1,0,3,3,5,7,4,15,24,1,2,5,3,0,15,13,14,2,1,10,9,55,3,50,42,6,73,0,1,2,0,48,34,2,3,22,220,70,2,0.0,0.11056190878708076,0.0,0.10172610506699692,0.0,0.0,0.08271728881608628,0.0,0.0,0.096645229806974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713850046946966,0.0,0.0,0.06524736425680074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723605476839992,0.0,0.0,0.14350551287001265,0.0,0.17065016465454313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528409401217716,0.3201792953395429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017985256664815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795192792482862,0.1049657639562205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326612039199406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500426654052614,0.04718239529011019,0.06666358703732192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625824348118674,0.0,0.15909760153922825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576715231024127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872032321181349,0.0,0.0,0.10767190299927393,0.09989463708379412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323818784532343,0.0,0.05128297002446136,0.0,0.0,0.09880612187574098,0.1013860051976368,0.1908399083876257,0.06591048408652031,0.045588538927166536,0.0,0.0,0.08258001154397802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933228154445653,0.0,0.0,0.18686358994798036,0.0,0.0,0.10164637328380158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074482396812969,0.0,0.06859657499555062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992405672828875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928895834246353,0.0,0.09380640934405222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570664572012872,0.07968970207652055,0.0887630449952739,0.0,0.18684731666913795,0.0,0.14871845757939486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578554727528922,0.0,0.0,0.09338145580084717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994603779901584,0.07452073324597512,0.0780147370841969,0.0,0.0,0.10682227980147084,0.10207044216991436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032112835260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061993718751326934,0.0,0.09168059557111004,0.0,0.05441218200414388,0.0,0.0,0.3566623538818323,0.0,0.12670825035500924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244906626742473,0.1611867839316585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780110290420971,0.0,0.0,0.10418182169193256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793375104822894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060091198759366075
suicidewatch,BarkerBoi17,2019/02/04,"I don’t know what to do anymore These last 2 months I’ve had 4 friends commit suicide and one die in a car crash and i feel like I don’t want to be alive anymore, nothing in my life is working, everything seems to be falling apart, and I can’t stop it. I just don’t know the reason i should keep living",1.9307462686567158,2.7900659552238807,3.3733134328358254,94.74444776119404,76.01492537313433,5.957014925373135,25.34029850746269,5.6839178017228535,0.42100238805970136,237,8,57,1,5,78,47,67,0.214,0.618,0.168,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,4,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,1,1,14,16,3,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,7,2,5,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670135074158879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436371660916176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161055956035826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905244063785285,0.16820813546383587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191090684983316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928202362920612,0.0,0.0,0.2587983381102191,0.1919261513089923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630787703496175,0.1150307607534832,0.0,0.2079098877213152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879368580297502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592412854741845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595494876421642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24208556818482702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434816103266666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684979532060465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25754807873987323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887666387208056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141306231375653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bentleysworld,2019/02/04,"Too tired to keep fighting I’m defeated. I can’t afford therapy, my car just broke down & I have $4 to my name. My car is also in another city because I couldn’t move it, so it more than likely got towed. Because my car is broken I can’t get to work now & am have to risk loosing my job. I cut all my friends out, cuz my mental health destroyed me & they didn’t care to stick around, so no one will help me. One of the only people that I have left needed me tonight & I couldn’t be there for her because I’m stranded an so I’ve probably lost her too. Just as soon as I think things can’t possibly get worse they do. every. single. time. I’m tired, I’m worn, I just want out.",0.8159042282221094,2.1730161125827827,2.8499337748344367,95.31823229750385,79.9271523178808,5.9706571574121226,20.88690779419256,6.67199483983844,0.11676118186449268,527,14,129,5,13,178,92,151,0.223,0.7120000000000001,0.065,-0.9724,3,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,13,10,3,1,2,0,15,3,0,1,1,15,29,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,7,0,2,4,0,23,3,15,21,3,14,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,78,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044645321458377,0.0,0.5985681629518117,0.0,0.0,0.14482029326157134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294710990173142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252571576228185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081226809626532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163635643250616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670338168086084,0.0,0.1443134659619388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045911969363266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468043867663807,0.0,0.0,0.09257216821786124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705278499934573,0.12275844276167767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500568323041718,0.0,0.0,0.06747353076443621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150763292518059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918231567144446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678898816135727,0.0,0.10240675577745216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717371235932853,0.10503881771534616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574802894389657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569818352771153,0.0,0.0,0.14890585301426562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794073004518278,0.0,0.09175409407290357,0.08849526017261856,0.0,0.0,0.08053300506695776,0.3174740727539325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146080918578426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005456667216143,0.0,0.1407458076531138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oookkkkkkk,2019/02/04,"my sibling wants to kill himself. sorry for being incoherent. i don’t know what to do. our family has gone through some shit in the past which made me lose hope in my brother. he’s been depressed for years and for the past couple years, he’s been thinking about suicide. he would spread negativity and make everyone feel all round bad. i thought it was his real personality. i lost hope in him changing because in the past, people rarely ever changed for the better. but he showed me otherwise. he stopped being so negative. he mustered the courage to talk to people and even make small talk. he would talk for me at the counter or cashier because he knew i was scared to speak. he would buy me mcdonalds, krispy kreme, dunkin’ donuts without me even asking. my sister told me that he doesn’t want to tell me these things because he wants to protect me from getting hurt. he knows it’s too much for me to handle. it’s the small things. he taught me that people can change. but lately, he’s been feeling extremely suicidal. he’s relapsed again. i don’t want to lose him. we almost lost him two years ago when he attempted suicide. we were lucky that night. ",2.6078378378378377,5.235092148648652,2.953536036036038,90.36246621621623,80.21621621621622,5.681981981981982,24.565315315315317,6.996647511020387,0.9801585585585588,915,34,179,11,24,281,125,222,0.208,0.7070000000000001,0.085,-0.9868,2,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,3,0,0,6,8,15,2,1,7,0,17,1,1,3,2,35,40,8,4,9,4,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,2,7,1,1,1,6,10,0,1,14,4,26,5,24,21,3,21,0,6,1,0,34,7,1,6,13,104,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724370424643277,0.0,0.09855376635062324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200974392139168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217688341029918,0.1799884003431055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704480384035777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31234704897194604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890024818035744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476930548811923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001142935179116,0.08902684360924643,0.0,0.09404486463249448,0.0,0.0,0.09278194925569716,0.0,0.09952857496287122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142057208961583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550723471412856,0.0,0.0,0.10536102304949344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888753797698787,0.0,0.10817850376214676,0.0,0.1110224446353581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021439924364794,0.21487488224937484,0.0,0.0,0.09312771734621968,0.1313926992303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235028356086809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923608337490039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281860089190073,0.20469684066960564,0.08593685565098964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202390822998716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853594253413013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102707761793674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017352695639193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822838217554496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229676744643079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23731965399893265,0.08602372623569048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130772218028149,0.06306378791422808,0.0,0.07813476631400619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404486463249448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961423834655386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322034958162976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487370777967273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974498403348427,0.0,0.0,0.19013844073270214
suicidewatch,torbjornsniceass,2019/02/04,"Does anyone else have a song they’d preferably die to? Heldaghost by surrenderdorothy is so beauitul, hypnotic even (in my opinion.) I hope when I whenever I decide to actually kill myself I remember to play it. ",5.850438596491228,8.013221763157897,6.73947368421053,69.30464912280705,68.21052631578948,10.329824561403509,36.35087719298246,10.504223727775694,4.5373403508771935,169,9,27,5,3,56,33,38,0.205,0.6679999999999999,0.126,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.32597722633267423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23357023454019685,0.3422659457381583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34668330474841025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29232278232970266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27904958760636833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206318751628137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317795059860271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695684572580072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784049564995957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imtryinghereokay57,2019/02/04,Im ready to kill myself Not even really sure why. Just ready to die. Ready to give up. Done fighting. I'm just tired. There's nothing left for me here. There's no love here. There's just constant anguish. I'm just over it. ,-1.7431914893616989,-0.4531141489361694,-0.19955319148936115,104.86450000000002,116.02127659574468,2.7310638297872343,13.210638297872341,4.935628992294339,-1.4261812765957451,173,4,41,1,10,54,32,47,0.348,0.469,0.183,-0.8905,0,0,0,0,2,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953297743987145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836322307712241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796709069633559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805056951821792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621650010793655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952004690862883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023552750278466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29693075910470645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466552060188185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622294563780857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507679278538493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25757291557921275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141070485474563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24660202845748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brainshrug,2019/02/04,"I need something to push me over the edge Something, anything. Anything at all. I can’t continue with these memories behind me anymore",3.96125,7.20510929166667,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,81.08333333333334,6.533333333333335,37.16666666666667,7.793537801064563,3.6780166666666654,109,7,16,2,3,34,20,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38565830284707375,0.0,0.0,0.6400199844277373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28834498539452835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5987480792253642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,B133d_4_u,2019/02/04,"My little brother is suicidal and I can't help him anymore. What should I do? So my little brother has had major depression for years, and it's manifested in him becoming extremely toxic to those around him to the point that our mother has kicked him out of the house and practically disowned him, he's lost his girlfriend and his friends, and he's currently living with me and our dad. He just had a major blow up in the middle of the night, and this time he let slip that he's been planning to kill himself for 9 months and marked a date for next month on his calendar ""if things don't get better by then."" He constantly complains that no one loves or cares for him, that no one can help him, that he's tried hospitals and therapy and taking advice, and that he doesn't care whether we kick him out because it just moves up his timeframe. He's 18, so we can't hospitalize him without his consent, and he refuses to try other options. He's refused to take his medication because he feels it doesn't help, and I doubt we'd be able to get him to take any anyways. I'm really worried about him and I need help. I've done everything I can think about trying.",6.815114449213163,5.816260407725324,7.124989270386269,78.56313483547927,65.09442060085837,10.513447782546496,34.008941344778265,9.725611199111238,2.9684194563662367,917,34,187,16,12,299,130,233,0.173,0.778,0.049,-0.9787,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,5,0,0,3,8,10,1,1,6,0,19,2,0,0,0,34,32,20,2,3,6,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,14,20,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,5,1,31,5,26,23,2,23,0,2,0,1,49,12,0,4,10,122,45,0,0.128199491724252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527505958777946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718005052038244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271394475594158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412472750518655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629844050088368,0.1415862664869064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338203240891012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614158517222249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853810685010315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041803436954284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119258994674293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152174368108117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648215149795122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099046609293568,0.0,0.1339578863740606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34371766789384034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792500105654813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183374325796547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109266606935258,0.0,0.0,0.2569791398452189,0.11320249991608232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994488923050244,0.0,0.11570504652347037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914750064161135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465522239960732,0.13625577118540333,0.0,0.09505829870367154,0.0,0.0,0.13634161384026586,0.12030653851147192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374258684255348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118995741713673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212787713415393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140229436326845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891701894591125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660729148317195,0.0,0.08517004581827838,0.08214505782830486,0.0,0.0,0.0747541545774142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611171189353526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357973521264827,0.0,0.0,0.13019280679739448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255626948497799
suicidewatch,hree1234,2019/02/04,"I thought that I would be dead by now Let me start of by saying I’m embarrassed to be posting here. I don’t have any friends left because of my ex isolating me from all my family and friends. I’ve been homeless for a few weeks because of him. Tonight we got into a fight and I reconnected with my mother that took me back in. The problem is that I’ve thought about blowing my brains out ever since I got home. He’s all I had for weeks, but he made me feel bad about everything he did for me. He hit me in my jaw tonight and it’s swollen and bruised. It’s so bad I just want to end my life to finally get away from him, and so people won’t notice how swollen and bruised my jaw is. It embarrasses me. He knows these fights make me suicidal. I gave up everything for him, and I think he would really like it if I ended my life tonight. I have nobody else to vent to. It’s sad being so lonely I have to post on reddit about what I’m thinking. I’ve always been lonely and it’s killed me for a long time. I’ve had these thoughts since I was young about killing myself. I think tonight finally is the night for me. I thought I would be dead by now. I’ve attempted 3 times before, but I hope I’m successful this time. Sorry for the long vent, and thanks to anyone who is reading. ",1.9875041932237487,3.3422656789667897,3.3218399865816863,93.18665800067093,76.71217712177122,6.8460919154646085,24.86430727943643,7.520522993642371,0.9285852398523984,993,34,233,13,22,324,133,271,0.21,0.7140000000000001,0.076,-0.9921,0,4,0,0,3,4,24.0,1,0,0,2,14,18,4,2,6,0,23,7,3,3,3,38,47,16,5,7,4,2,1,1,2,4,4,1,1,0,14,13,0,0,9,1,0,1,2,12,0,0,15,2,40,6,34,22,3,33,0,3,0,0,19,8,0,2,23,142,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978083611749314,0.0,0.0,0.0733752034987395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544567823857652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013749158192284,0.0829678782643269,0.18018276668228586,0.1315487867904674,0.0,0.09181433145698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204512695460485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901359945996644,0.0,0.19113345371454016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760106689866738,0.0,0.0,0.1939458126517126,0.0,0.10171782879375872,0.0,0.05455711282945736,0.0,0.0,0.2363967520183434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672541640880462,0.0,0.056372915100913384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725938057160394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108231765194517,0.1071683209294712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387491108899516,0.0,0.05929861688138309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723287236446925,0.11033431378641108,0.15242489046359076,0.05271413302963164,0.0,0.0,0.19097491679092665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020968979954327,0.07202360045397638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125615542565376,0.0,0.0,0.12284403383746205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480376790559018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066753487421032,0.0,0.0,0.1032450290995628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079284688911416,0.0,0.06912303516306316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580583011754198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851078198475018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078439871607576,0.07637165853050801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802428841894468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933915092281097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741248595027145,0.0,0.3426398710751556,0.188750795798573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988005889497674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364178491136872,0.0,0.17310057172610582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299456364887437,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Commandolando,2019/02/04,"Want to commit suicide so badly sometimes, but never would because you’re just so scared? Being here sucks but not knowing what comes after is so scary and what if it hurts and I regret it. I just want to exist but not exist in some tranquil dimension. Never feeling judged or like no one wants you around. Just you and everything is ok and nothing is required of you and you never fall short. ",3.396334586466168,5.689753934210527,3.860075187969926,86.72552631578951,75.44736842105263,5.395488721804512,24.01503759398497,6.18269132825596,0.7466300751879693,313,10,56,2,7,98,51,76,0.31,0.5760000000000001,0.115,-0.974,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,4,0,1,8,8,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,30,12,13,1,6,10,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,0,1,6,3,6,10,1,9,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,3,5,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477077244968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206103641604588,0.14022093674918862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981459319606555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067313898677207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163074119332288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24624622454597095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641557265416484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123784611576809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322277432117568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207149264965648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587070608137232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302948768797567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275003337709512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516097135524489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070236258830705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340296421077316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cccccakes,2019/02/04,only living for my pet is there anyone else who can’t bear to give up because they can’t leave their only companion behind? ,9.91,6.5351088,9.736,69.78800000000003,61.0,11.6,33.0,8.841846274778883,2.7622,100,2,18,1,1,33,22,25,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512810472354575,0.3682187734555597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190696516951761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002089403317499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447420792802865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38052273928632463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317331793563214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466367408797795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sillyname396,2019/02/04,"I'm going to kill myself. I'm posting this in case anyone cares. When I'm old enough to get my own place, and my dog dies, I will make everyone hate me who doesn't hate me already and jump. 300 meters is the lowest possible height with a velocity that will guarantee death, so I dont want to jump off a building in case I don't die. I feel the only people who care about me are my family and church friends, and we're most likely going to drift after we all go to our different colleges. I've already been told I'm hopeless. I've already been denied of any emotional care, and a therapist won't help me feel any more loved; I've tried. I dont want to tell anybody I know because I dont want my family knowing about this since they've already been through it before with me and they think medicine and lectures will cure my depression. I'm too afraid to cut myself because I faint at the sight of blood. My brother only does things that benefit him and doesn't think about anybody else's feelings. My therapist gave me a list of rules for the family to follow in order to ""reduce my depression"", and he mocks them any time  I bring them up. People don't care about me, no matter how much I try to care for them. I don't want to talk to anybody about it because I dont want them constantly treating me differently than everyone else just because I'm depressed. I just want to be accepted and treated the same way everyone else treats each other.",6.132908163265308,5.528422588435376,6.667406462585036,79.98845663265307,66.31292517006804,9.935034013605444,32.320578231292515,9.354420925462401,2.665021088435373,1147,41,233,19,16,376,148,294,0.162,0.721,0.117,-0.9005,3,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,2,0,5,0,11,23,5,1,9,0,19,3,1,2,1,36,55,13,4,6,2,1,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,10,14,0,0,8,0,0,8,11,10,0,0,5,4,39,13,34,45,8,25,1,4,1,1,19,9,0,1,6,136,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383269997170211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636754220734225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053593288167325004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689293285241293,0.0,0.06522085874957685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907330670247625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282805963406381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980475641694491,0.0,0.15909474330715329,0.1601593748268216,0.0,0.0,0.06707421064208335,0.0,0.3593183406649537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920859264152627,0.08621743574603934,0.0,0.07919672718847827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971816633228786,0.0,0.0,0.21676760170648815,0.0,0.11626491289005368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059217197691288935,0.0,0.04004483695251093,0.0,0.13068058308782007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513458727949205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137479524748383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479842847429896,0.0,0.08424625337446576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744579925458507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691768114297788,0.0,0.051162394773257784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056344283832812175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804280184862572,0.0,0.0,0.11658682856955045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627460665642582,0.0,0.0800796874134108,0.0,0.0,0.08640785295550622,0.07340653421652447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340310010621326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160586748205876,0.06699276089639862,0.0,0.0,0.17798589552485508,0.05092078847089468,0.09822446550115232,0.0,0.0,0.04469341839593268,0.0,0.0,0.07323938877742928,0.0,0.1040764152207999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712499322322153,0.06083873428770568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whyinternetissoslow,2019/02/04,"My mom won’t care if I kill myself I took the subway with my mom today. I told her I was gonna step into a crack between the train and station. She said go ahead. So after the train had arrived, I tried to put my left foot into the crap. But, the crap was not big enough for me to go down. My mom saw this and she said you cannot do that because you’re fat. I was sad and annoyed.  ",-0.7696640826873384,0.9302572790697712,1.4459689922480656,101.71518087855301,86.67441860465117,3.8222222222222224,15.369509043927648,3.1291,-1.3749855297157625,290,5,75,0,9,97,59,86,0.17800000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,1,6,4,0,6,0,7,4,4,0,0,9,16,6,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,5,0,0,9,3,16,1,10,5,1,13,0,1,1,0,10,5,2,1,3,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806773464674365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747335491436094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001269502889944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201497249005657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428222456053428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104378155649662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6805197308013449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947055299187931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684749439587474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835894211985892,0.1850729952788918,0.2151896239923936,0.13149846158150294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fantasyfootballfan,2019/02/04,"My friend told me they were going to commit suicide. What can I do. TW: Sexual violence 

Close Friend I have known for a few years told me they are going to commit suicide and i do not know what i can do to help them or stop the process. They are in college and have had a pretty rough life. Multiple instances of sexual assault, family abuse, suspension from university due to retribution (they were falsely accused of physical misconduct and since they have a history of filing reports against the university, and had a drawn out case of SA against a faculty member, the school seemed to want to get rid of them). 

This person has a history of depression, anxiety, and suicide attempts, but they told me they have finally come to peace with suicide. They said they just want peace in their life.

They are extremely smart and kind, but I dont know what to do.

We talked about it, and they just dont ever want to be assaulted again, or experience the pain and depression they are going through. They were recently enrolled in therapy, but they had to stop because of the university suspension. They dont want to take anti-depressants because they are affriad they would OD on them, I think they tried doing that before. They have checked themself in in-patient care in the past, dont they said it was not helpful. 

I just dont know what I can do to try to get them to stop. Or what I can do for them (we dont live very close to each other).

I thought about calling the police, but they are very calm about the situation and probably can talk with the officer without showing signs of suicidal tendencies. 

What can I so, What can I say. Please help ",5.935000000000002,6.676713678343952,6.2788598726114655,78.00969108280259,66.67515923566879,10.356433121019107,33.215923566878985,10.355215969177356,3.4215686624203823,1301,55,247,32,20,419,144,314,0.161,0.701,0.138,-0.9076,0,0,0,0,1,6,38.0,2,0,27,1,9,11,2,0,15,0,41,3,0,0,3,50,64,17,6,5,13,0,1,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,12,18,0,3,7,1,1,4,9,5,0,0,13,4,45,6,42,49,2,23,0,2,0,0,44,9,0,4,10,181,57,3,0.0,0.0933328787923656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060260971105277214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960383270533213,0.0,0.06702984503150478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043582907387423,0.0,0.08031411248943215,0.0,0.0,0.06785578622955782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354067379143947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539267610127615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125450117983566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770549069585424,0.0742599787287178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629174444931377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171932907807145,0.0,0.08231106632756806,0.0,0.1343051809028825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583992282524096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202974212202507,0.12987440099166045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127910669921726,0.0,0.0,0.0695578194852995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381980574546609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519754433428254,0.0,0.06878136452024933,0.0,0.08646887178994837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014024990555604,0.08493039414113213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777862995844502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986193003848078,0.06264328677569664,0.0,0.07972227208849482,0.0,0.07171179233236431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516166846184056,0.08854391988681319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975727467129742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43082325150852335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059227337010629814,0.1266291744550392,0.0,0.0,0.0900835540184604,0.0,0.0,0.05047442510780605,0.0,0.06253679870920748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258123386018004,0.0,0.10696311145596536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999160811145066,0.18584893719500467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593416152765811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595793211118736,0.0,0.0,0.05072709608420962
suicidewatch,mastazi2229,2019/02/04,"I am really done this time I am 26 years old male 
Currently typing this out from Austin International Airport 
I am really done with my life. My best friend just broke up with me over a silly stupid issue. And I don’t really have anyone else I can reach out to. She was my whole world. I am still in a shock and I really don’t wanna live anymore. ",1.4407738095238116,3.4537607361111142,3.6630952380952384,87.12000000000002,80.5277777777778,7.447619047619049,15.841269841269842,8.418075326091056,0.4982436507936505,271,4,59,6,7,93,50,72,0.122,0.746,0.133,-0.0516,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,0,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,12,3,10,8,2,11,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124941502833253,0.14981966568374505,0.21954068619388595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485879257567776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385367163275404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899162539556435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554126578570724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363788152594274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134230789816205,0.0,0.0,0.1892006728940253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224835968332386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490567656600747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111298622696233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494014141167765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392201719409992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798018373938126
suicidewatch,friedpbandj,2019/02/04,"my life is going great...so why am i not happy??? in my vulnerable moments I constantly find myself writing these posts or talking to a friend. there, i have the opportunity to say something, to say how i really feel and i just can't. i can never find the words to explain this pain so i say nothing and continue to suffer in silence. then i think would it probably wouldn't make a difference if i did have the right words. 

​

i have so many great things going on in life and it means nothing to me. i still feel empty. im tired of waiting for things to ""get better."" i don't care anymore. i'm tired of fighting for another day. my soul is tired. it's like i lost my kick, the little drive i did have to care.

​

i just want to die. i don't wanna suffer anymore.",0.8787421383647818,3.1857303647798787,2.920408805031446,89.85784591194971,84.97484276729558,5.545911949685537,22.040880503144656,6.937597516519254,0.6972163522012584,604,21,126,8,18,203,90,159,0.241,0.675,0.084,-0.9766,0,0,1,0,2,1,32.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,1,0,6,0,15,6,0,2,1,26,30,9,1,5,5,0,2,1,1,2,6,3,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,3,5,22,8,18,25,0,17,1,3,0,0,8,6,0,2,8,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379424539496405,0.2668447043237456,0.0,0.11513775069636978,0.0,0.0,0.21778963383934133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711160381893644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390243043873626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865775785119413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708136859624956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139579123918919,0.11472049689296356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103913288361476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007154370807432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483332744148347,0.0,0.05736740166671055,0.0,0.12480685935333533,0.0,0.0,0.24211582523770755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688706249245168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860580549223546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511385032290956,0.05364407424398554,0.11005119545034203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986266563316172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329418408343039,0.11132274793739663,0.0,0.1196073777178852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468664510215458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107173880433276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683786101590835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516067622786113,0.0,0.11838592917789795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034244930429986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377094320797646,0.0,0.2619586469612321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845315166131723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768861299437558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825528616986425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589612782589947,0.07035716455263571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786063039032976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476450315299967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907989750744503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780007187632762,0.0,0.2668447043237456,0.0
suicidewatch,hazzeFox,2019/02/04,"i'm taking a lot of xanax not to kill myself so today i just got proved that there is no hope for me anymore, now im stuck in a thing i cannot escape of, this depression will never go away and now im sure of it because of what happened, im just sure that ill be sad for the rest of my life and that nothing will ever be solved or right, so i want to kill myself so bad

im stuffing myself with a lot of xanax, (this is the 3rd pill and last pill) because i know if i stop taking them ill probably kill myself without a doubt, i took 2 pills 4 hours ago and fell asleep now i woke up and the effect was gone so i had to hurt myself in the arm and i was punching my face and cutting my arms and i was banging my head on the wall so hard so i had to took one more xanax pill so i would stop doing this guys please help me i dont wanna die but if i live i know i will never be happy (and PLESASE DONT SAY I WILL BECAUSE IM SURE I WONT BECAUSE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED TODAY, PLEASE DONT SAY THAT BECAUSE IM SURE I WONT BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER TODAY) im writing with poor grammar because im so anziopus anxious and i need help please someone help me i cant solve this i will never be able to solve this problem please help me",-0.6796464646464635,1.3802236481481494,1.5423905723905733,98.57712121212124,90.29629629629628,3.7171717171717167,18.18181818181818,4.851557810540192,-0.7078888888888888,955,27,224,3,33,319,125,270,0.147,0.674,0.17800000000000002,0.898,0,0,0,0,0,6,11.0,0,0,1,1,16,16,4,1,9,0,25,15,5,1,9,45,43,22,4,8,9,0,1,0,0,8,10,2,0,1,14,12,0,2,4,0,1,5,13,10,0,1,11,3,36,6,24,20,4,27,0,3,0,0,9,7,0,7,15,148,50,0,0.06742619267231313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059769251540336486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617240561700464,0.06686866517249165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334912755017479,0.0,0.05629805448743201,0.2877166685802357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058074080948095325,0.0,0.06997774277090546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370689869436135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060990851494488386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038319859132895435,0.0,0.05392688577997128,0.0,0.0,0.06676253147650091,0.1788742785051168,0.07177643588463546,0.06040062478044965,0.0,0.06919872613885017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077742266043634,0.0,0.0,0.06696942312638075,0.0664012178100104,0.0,0.07218113379739778,0.0,0.5826548678308168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237912765110716,0.0,0.0741113442908559,0.05496134628199136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762511391386981,0.0,0.0,0.059538563434767086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464667565306608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049995667512335036,0.1560097094454456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469725036355699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568973315834127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29605484739420984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269683978780052,0.06451776028117932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057581600131697726,0.0,0.10724002940446868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712999424498545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274263243820867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419355454976683,0.0,0.10139221119273213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044794966360748895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173644014673946,0.0,0.14982596198062426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039769715390544164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649964436268133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789763272243516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-NerdyGamer-,2019/02/05,"My dad is the only reason I don't kill myself He's openly stated that if I died, he would fall apart and most likely commit suicide or drink himself to death. He comes from a mildly abusive home (mostly from my grandmother more than anything) and didn't grow up in the best place. Trailer park trash, surrounded by drugs and with an alcoholic mother. His sister died from drugs (she had a seizure the first time she tried ecstasy and her friends didn't do anything because they didn't want to get in trouble), and his grandmother passed away from cancer 2-3 years ago. So really, I'm the only family he's got left. Sure he has my stepmom, but he's also said he would be forced to leave her to not destroy her too, because he just wouldn't be able to function. It's good I have a reason, but I kinda wish I didn't. I wish I could stop being a burden on everyone just to save one man. I just happen to care to much about this man.",5.302679425837322,5.077254684210531,5.86531100478469,83.7758133971292,67.94736842105263,8.593301435406701,27.799043062200962,8.00094639256281,1.5942105263157889,730,20,151,8,11,237,121,190,0.124,0.6940000000000001,0.183,0.9208,0,0,4,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,1,2,7,11,2,0,9,0,17,5,0,2,2,32,27,11,5,8,8,3,0,1,1,3,4,1,1,2,3,8,2,1,2,1,0,4,7,4,0,2,7,1,21,7,21,13,5,20,0,0,0,0,24,10,0,5,6,94,24,0,0.13349739023663873,0.15817257777562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833738167316858,0.14266811101411928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675781474096134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197139548998616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254251925926839,0.0,0.0,0.16275754002055326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009727491888593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361094864809175,0.0,0.0,0.11499618102209985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658680332244704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770984290917166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077661944464394,0.3096291801163024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756247727608394,0.0,0.0,0.1258494585516287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135528119381115,0.0,0.0,0.10313975254223252,0.0,0.06974687649705509,0.0,0.0,0.11197127718971267,0.10677005819092614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180513013043579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339087671192284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476950830129535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135446075913102,0.14504530510020008,0.0,0.0,0.06522008165597737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813594223051912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046128656396116,0.2030615617955187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394763593261609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552184658163345,0.2745151022444229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698658870980334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160979585526652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460244774156724,0.0,0.1258197104213136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784340180455816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063596497183632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874021955968459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070308209500585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966543159372976,0.0,0.0,0.08596794242852934
suicidewatch,suicidalthrowaway251,2019/02/05,"I have hated living since the 8th grade If the username wasn’t obvious, this is a throwaway account. I don’t want to dilute my normally cheery feed with this.

Hey y’all, my name is Jack. I am currently an American 11th grader.
So, as I am a teenager, I have made some mistakes. I have tried to kill myself once already, and I have run away three times. I have used people, and I have left the people I’ve cared about. I regret almost all of that. Most days I try to repent for that. (Not religiously though, just through morals and shit). 

I’ve applied to 102 jobs, with no success at any of them, I have parents who won’t treat me like a human being, but rather as a source of income, and I get beat often whenever I get one poor grade. I have one year left with them before I’m out on my own (still with no job), and I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I don’t necessarily want to die, but I just can’t see the point in living. What do I do?",2.7159571428571425,3.354348510000005,4.318428571428573,89.546,73.9,7.114285714285713,22.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.5628214285714281,722,17,167,7,14,243,119,200,0.123,0.809,0.068,-0.9224,5,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,2,2,8,9,3,0,9,0,22,2,1,2,2,32,35,12,2,7,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,0,1,0,2,2,9,5,0,3,2,1,27,4,23,31,4,15,1,1,1,0,8,8,1,5,6,113,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765221815251393,0.0,0.17373763290177024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070637841240137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147918936988657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396882453306747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605193513213204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015350026625253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339662002984368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645105519307821,0.0,0.08947609931965564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543822225737106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31246743543446764,0.0,0.17418270784462697,0.0,0.08652424816443689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421154379294691,0.0,0.0,0.07691664608556728,0.0,0.2780426930466281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897240110417187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425659847591172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766718581672047,0.21336921348204385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481715792546265,0.0,0.0,0.21829648373907445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488305565488656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545834147372975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616086677323946,0.13023500389032988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257308305992225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154682823543066,0.0,0.0918038314990221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378122392226973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597657552865938,0.0,0.0,0.18572296896279808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138542661382263
suicidewatch,CcHhUuMm,2019/02/05,"): I just tried hangin. My self but the bath robe I used literally split in half while I tried And I woke up on the ground covered in dirt with a big ass cut on my head, idk why I’m posting this but II’ve failed at killing my self twice nd life just doesn’t seem to get any better",1.4252459016393428,2.690856114754105,2.1286557377049182,101.53068852459015,78.01639344262296,5.5357377049180325,18.757377049180327,5.6839178017228535,-0.723028852459016,217,4,57,1,5,67,48,61,0.326,0.623,0.051,-0.967,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,8,6,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,7,1,8,5,0,10,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,1,1,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830791469113853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23810362169552965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065658033589604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762978653069521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978525541556758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901583749244044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257838784296982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450881984467742,0.5617113157529455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655660447796781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252004075330315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429295934369516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cama12392,2019/02/05,"what do they expect what do you expect when a person’s life is completely destroyed

why on earth shouldn’t they kill themselves

when you’re physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, even sexually abused by the man of your dreams, the man you’ve been with for 6 years, and he almost kills you

when you have to leave the city you love, all your favorite people and places, and your job just to be safe from him

and when you still love him after all of that, and no one understands why

when you try to make a new life, but it just won’t happen no matter how hard you try.

yes, you’ve had dreams. yes, you’ve had goals. all you’re trying to do is try to make this life work. just get by...

but no one will hire you. it’s been 8 months and no one wants you bc you’re either over qualified,  or under qualified. even with a college degree no one wants you. you put a happy face on in interviews, and still no one wants you. you’ve perfected your resume, still no one wants you.

when your family has a completely different world view and they just don’t understand you. and since they don’t know what else to do, they insist on putting more pressure on as if that would help. They put on a fake front as if that would help.

the only thing that keeps me alive are my friends and my dog

really... just my dog

but you don’t want your friends and family to hurt from your loss...

at the same time... in reality you know that they all have their own lives, and eventually they will move on.

most of them are married, and/or have kids, a stable job, etc. they will move on with life, and probably still have a damn good amount of happy moments.

but even if I lived on for the people I love.... I wouldn’t have those happy moments. how could  i, with everything that has happened, with everything that won’t happen no matter how hard i try?

what do you expect

what do they expect

what do i expect

.... I expected to have a decent life. I am a good person. I genuinely care about people. I always went out of my way to be a listening ear or a helping hand. I always did the right thing. I went to college like they told me to. I didn’t sleep around with a bunch of people like they told me to. I worked my ass off at my job like they told me to. I had a close relationship with God and read my bible like they told me to. 

I expected a decent life.

Not this.

I didn’t expect this.

And that is why I don’t want to live anymore.

But killing yourself is scary. I’m scared of the pain. I’m scared of actually doing it. I wish God would spare me and kill me himself. I wish I had the guts to kill myself. All I can do is dream about it. Dream about it all going away...

",2.341731123388584,3.891401699815837,3.3716169429097604,92.38180847145487,76.20073664825046,6.889281767955801,19.98563535911602,7.635375032292933,0.3671507182320446,2045,43,465,28,45,656,210,543,0.145,0.6709999999999999,0.184,0.9673,4,0,0,0,1,3,83.0,0,24,16,5,25,31,7,3,24,2,52,16,6,5,7,88,85,37,5,25,17,0,3,4,2,10,7,2,0,5,25,26,0,2,4,5,0,9,19,14,0,6,15,6,80,17,61,57,14,49,0,2,1,4,64,22,2,7,21,317,105,13,0.0,0.0711535601899517,0.05860353893885487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013489092818215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993862128784488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955692067189676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346033409144585,0.0,0.0,0.056422226380731036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122853072851755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592987376996506,0.0,0.0,0.047947821501757484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274311051861099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050166981163499866,0.06755208810591662,0.0,0.0,0.06697551065194017,0.11899428220235005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079444008273512,0.0,0.1132261628387822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279434771431826,0.0,0.03137546750950955,0.0,0.03412977969051737,0.10074002868393547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931529645001066,0.1917841557207249,0.10759225443794516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207577561876473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428849818506105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787814535880751,0.05337829712166745,0.3322014196996261,0.0,0.06600765009189828,0.0,0.0,0.06358797000837188,0.0,0.0,0.254505316417642,0.11735639820665393,0.0,0.15908498353853062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260184567616773,0.0,0.08017233566567923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051978856081847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047934119109046436,0.1276547021613387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058000030424062377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441627754535361,0.04567338176652663,0.06390114255972063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653410137186328,0.10487277417481497,0.06274311051861099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474781437869541,0.0,0.0,0.18111101915722008,0.0,0.0,0.060069736734090926,0.0,0.038471800509784784,0.0,0.0,0.06447496893874016,0.0,0.05128534841181751,0.0,0.0,0.12024803061741265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049676863705145916,0.0,0.060096855317021275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183516408451945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979373451423112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03501767027877923,0.0,0.0,0.2295347153719385,0.0,0.2038618728888144,0.0,0.0,0.12503559241941742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125266097549912,0.04766766145726319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134036524680097,0.16256678957594992,0.0,0.1381170889787924,0.0,0.0,0.08743930522126038,0.0,0.0,0.12798081904565506,0.0,0.0,0.03867247567193344
suicidewatch,chronaloid,2019/02/05,"Hopelessness + panic about birthday I don’t see the point of typing out my story and I don’t think I have the brainpower to do so anyway. There are so many tasks I have due tomorrow but my heart is racing and my ears feel fuzzy like I’m not in this reality, I can’t stop thinking about dying, leaving, stopping all the pain. I feel the noose I haven’t tied yet around my neck. My mood swings specifically have been a struggle lately but I’ve been self harming and diagnosed with major depression for over five years. Nothing’s the matter but myself. 

I turn 18 in less than a week. I think it’s getting to me. I was supposed to be dead by 14 but I keep getting tricked into recovery. I don’t wanna have existed for another year, I don’t know how to be an adult, and I know no one does but I really don’t think I’d be able to do it. 

I don’t trust my parents. I don’t want to text the crisis line because I absolutely cannot go to the hospital for the fifth time (I have only been once for suicidal stuff, the other three for self harm). Idk if I trust irl acquaintances to not snitch, and I don’t want to weigh them down anyway. 

I’m just panicking and I need something, anything. I scrolled thru this sub for a while and you guys seem really nice. Maybe just posting this will help but probably not. Thank you for listening.",1.9901098901098884,3.910708421245424,3.5808879120879133,88.8391120879121,78.34065934065934,7.151882783882782,23.37421245421245,8.109356740369918,1.2417397509157508,1041,34,223,19,25,345,157,273,0.2,0.7170000000000001,0.083,-0.9887,2,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,2,1,0,12,14,1,2,13,0,28,6,3,1,1,42,50,18,3,5,12,1,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,4,7,11,1,3,9,0,0,1,15,8,0,3,4,5,34,5,31,42,3,21,0,2,1,0,10,8,0,2,12,146,41,1,0.13253126552810462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897058752013305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906193913396732,0.11798092457999344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078982935519959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414898479939076,0.13451644474980326,0.1375465296298201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597900357608228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340235799399597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384842324243457,0.0,0.07532057238383448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122678940870772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705018776396826,0.0888329136443096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779987824519796,0.0,0.0,0.14567143508444594,0.0,0.1495010401713021,0.14033147419018888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474808192423162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436590164083748,0.13314546963580404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827025409152172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716732366221387,0.0,0.0,0.1411414724348393,0.08980661545795449,0.10079599952167244,0.14102261067089245,0.15549688464086156,0.1471602863511117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528488381480715,0.0,0.12692831735040247,0.0,0.14289111983223815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980584470861895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561025974510768,0.12065148661056073,0.2765180278816438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202904309534014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216041446774625,0.0,0.1385504543527677,0.15171659120220704,0.14496769379292151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201698316119912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396827342898143,0.0,0.0,0.07728004671764284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415595958364866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634074835032624,0.0,0.10630858704394357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706915795837524
suicidewatch,_E_V_,2019/02/05,"Suicide tonight I’m considering a large od of benzodiazepines tonight after binging on alcohol all day. Things are not going to get better because I don’t seem to want to get better. I wasn’t in a good place to begin with but I knew it was a bad idea to binge(food), purge, drink, and then cut, and yet I made all those decisions. I’m just hurting everyone I know at this point. I need to rip the band aid off. I was supposed to have an assessment for day hospital tomorrow but they called and delayed a week. I had a little hope that they might have been able to help but that feeling has left. I’m going to eat this pizza I just cooked, finish watching Russian doll, and then I’m going to do it. ",2.1749891657638116,4.140349922535215,3.6277464788732394,88.50864030335863,77.94366197183099,6.622751895991333,25.007583965330447,7.61054688173877,1.2430286023835322,547,20,114,8,13,180,91,142,0.113,0.7759999999999999,0.111,-0.517,0,0,2,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,2,3,7,1,0,7,0,12,5,0,1,2,25,30,9,2,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,5,5,1,6,3,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,2,11,4,18,22,2,24,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,3,13,71,19,0,0.17476016953197174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867654732683366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459174418220384,0.1065321772814408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30912233643298026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844967245045934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541170360003346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119843424992762,0.0,0.17882328235535982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699083117033395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836399267093037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132069068913248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260995124091264,0.0,0.2979606950841205,0.1465805387633343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713805785100895,0.0,0.0,0.17357628059919264,0.0,0.0,0.18708437595977376,0.19728295952065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604361880150024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987743553784214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515560101489466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536229793527493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853929227528341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958245132988944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258718135489305,0.0,0.16520484768649601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909509480896564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115926074468426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161028912521999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307807586981957,0.0,0.14018206662762292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrothyCheeseCrust,2019/02/05,"I can’t get out of my own head How do people love themselves. How? I hate myself so much, every second of every day I shit all over everything that makes me happy. Comes a point where I start hating the things I love. I want to just fucking kill the person I hate the most. Me. But no, I can’t. My Grandma would be sad, my girlfriend, my brothers, my mom. I just want to remove myself from their lives before I disappoint them more than I disappoint myself. I want to drive across the country and shoot myself in the woods so nobody has to deal with the stupid fucking corpse afterwards. ",2.040316091954022,4.4044050431034485,2.93,91.27333333333334,80.4655172413793,5.2459770114942526,19.149425287356323,6.42735559955562,0.0731632183908042,459,11,91,4,12,145,76,116,0.28800000000000003,0.597,0.115,-0.9777,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,7,14,8,0,7,0,6,6,2,3,1,16,20,6,1,4,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,11,0,1,0,0,25,3,13,18,5,12,0,3,0,4,9,6,3,1,3,69,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059417470345742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232657496544926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655635706744256,0.17033956139986725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27841811797031474,0.0,0.14849343797561318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054954157679895,0.08632316271838902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588492108865245,0.0,0.4893759869540437,0.16956835953695315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827968121865856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589656622525848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982437489493973,0.0,0.1102888678086492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350934291708266,0.0,0.0,0.12145927294744464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454610458415415,0.14426796265390426,0.0,0.0,0.15619088501802278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696009302459246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694699652485185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976804610628063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923616852929317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737099018484586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theunknownisme,2019/02/05,"Suicidal... Again I guess I'm not sure why I'm posting this other than I don't know what else to do. I can't call the suicide hotline because I can't risk going to the hospital. I don't have insurance. I want to try, but I don't want to deal with the debt and possible brain damage if it doesn't work. I've been thinking about suicide and planning it almost nonstop for at least a week and it's wearing me out. I don't even have a good reason to do it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to contact friends, but they either freak out or don't know how to help either and it hasn't helped me feel better. ",1.5138770053475952,2.7314592647058857,3.374465240641712,92.89032085561495,77.67647058823529,6.12192513368984,24.128342245989305,6.574015621080383,0.570214705882353,484,16,113,4,11,163,77,136,0.136,0.715,0.149,0.5723,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,3,5,7,0,1,5,0,16,2,2,2,1,27,27,9,3,3,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,6,0,1,1,11,3,0,0,1,1,12,4,15,26,3,7,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,2,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674297698296934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582056383489344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192546856182898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478775698943113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186653976625466,0.1707330774923216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237907237474456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967674971401595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043608224041346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454292014688455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291807138875483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502538492579936,0.140242042139328,0.0,0.0,0.18419308467550705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241454504650718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756713820704577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188496392356719,0.1601343674440088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191265252613075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5486792174498004,0.0,0.1575869595643503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713700638799624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270398826903217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724146168020612,0.0,0.13412025539700634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087480684693802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172586098765953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PinkWatermelon555,2019/02/05,"1800 suicide hotline told me to f--- off I said ""hi can you hear me""
They said something i could not understand 
So i said again """"what do you mean?""
They told me to f---- off then they cut off the call",-1.16,0.8274363333333312,-0.04523809523809419,106.07357142857144,102.33333333333334,3.352380952380953,15.523809523809526,5.288315135182226,-1.134419047619048,154,4,38,1,7,47,29,42,0.151,0.8490000000000001,0.0,-0.765,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,11,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,11,0,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,0,2,25,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354663427918778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411374093861546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599007079900017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118882666960163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6580545199108562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752560820075242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522367869901568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406925465931638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006065291174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tubby_Lumpkin,2019/02/05,"Have battled depression for 23 years after a brain injury. After recent diagnosis, I'm ending it soon. I'm out of options. First off, here's my diagnosis, then the history leading to it:

1.  Diffuse traumatic brain injury with loss of consciousness of unspecified duration, sequela.

2. Seizure disorder 

3. D33.2. Resection of benign neoplasm of the brain, unspecified.

4. Neurocognitive disorder due to multiple etiologies, with behavioral disturbance

5. Personality change due to multiple etiologies,  combined type

6. Depressive disorder due to multiple etiologies, with major depressive-like episodes,  with anxious distress.

7. AdHD, moderate

8. PTSD 

9. Marijuana use disorder, severe

When I was a kid I played hockey and received several concussions while my brain was still developing. At around the start of puberty, I started having Deja Vu seizures, which are not like the shaking on the floor type, but a full minute of losing concentration, sweating and getting and erection, usually caused by a sound I heard or scenario I thought I have experienced already. I would be exhausted after and it affected my school work and homework. I never told anyone because I thought it was related to puberty, because I was a stupid teenager. At the age of 20 I was given an MRI and a tumor was discovered and removed successfully. The following 20 years were followed by depression and the frequency of violent outbursts increased. 3 years ago I removed myself from working for the safety of others. I worked as a nuclear welder for the dept of the navy and had an argument with a manager. Security was called and in my trade, security is a Navy MP with a 12 gauge shotgun pointed at you with orders to shoot first, investigate after. I had no fear whatsoever. Rage came over me and I was prepared to challenge him. My fight or flight response is now fully in charge of my brain. If challenged, I will either hurt you badly, or distance myself before I do. If I'm not allowed to leave, the fight response is automatically engaged. After that happened, I quit my job and had tests done with a clinical psychologist and the results are above. Along with the diagnosis, a plan was assembled on what care I will require for treatment. My treatment is to surrender my rights to my wife, apply for a full time nurse when the time comes and finding a facility to car for me when my mind is completely gone. That most likely will happen before the age of 50 (43 now). My wife is a case manager in the mental health field and even she understands why I am considering this. I have a 7 year old son, 15 and 19 year old daughters and a 2 year old granddaughter. If I follow through with the suggested medical plan, I will have intense psychological treatment several times a week, a psychiatrist for meds, a case manager to schedule it all and it is only to plateau where I am at right now for a bit longer, not cure me. All the while my kids will watch their dad degrade and get lost in the store, forget their names, forgets to use the bathroom or eat and eventually not know who or what I am. Or, there is my other option. Enjoy a few more important moments with my kids to develop good memories of me, then drive to a hospital, park my car, place a bag over my head and turn on my argon tank that is in my garage, because of my welding career, take a few deep breaths and that's it. Next to me will be a file of my medical history, wishes that my organs be donated immediately and to donate my brain to the Concussion Legacy Foundation for CTE testing. I would also have a living will stating if I am found while still alive, to keep me on life support only for organ donation. 

It would be rough on my family of course. Let's compare the 2 scenarios. The first one would require my 7 year old son and 2 year old granddaughter watch me suffer for years, and that would be how I was remembered, requiring counseling when they are older. Or, I enjoy a few more months with my kids, have some fun with them, then kill myself. This would be traumatic for my son, he would need counseling also, but would slowly have new experiences and grow up with a supportive family and hopefully a good father figure. The 2 year old would only know me as the guy in the pictures she doesn't remember when she gets older. I will be remembered as a loving father who took care of them, not a brainless blob that shits himself constantly. I see no other reasonable options in this. I'm completely lost right now. I'm dying either way, it's just that I want it on my terms.",5.871329562381739,7.300399485748223,6.764836346068687,71.98062462256937,67.20665083135393,10.411562462256937,34.10491565682999,10.529181916633178,3.9702753895084335,3605,167,615,99,59,1198,394,842,0.139,0.7659999999999999,0.095,-0.9886,3,0,0,2,2,1,106.0,0,2,5,20,21,45,8,4,61,0,66,19,10,9,3,117,111,57,2,17,21,9,1,2,0,17,7,2,1,6,29,46,1,6,13,2,5,17,9,24,0,4,26,7,83,21,100,60,17,120,0,9,3,1,40,33,1,17,69,430,112,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303530281809165,0.0,0.046494199507475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788042595947347,0.08388928447406653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925413038393529,0.0,0.03667460593199024,0.0,0.0,0.04669206107402993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379397281652201,0.0959200055392627,0.0,0.08926301688072437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726235643874592,0.0,0.0,0.3513125958499658,0.053557820140130406,0.059989393788353364,0.10695355144465914,0.053881106949611735,0.055485669466197284,0.04518145751953461,0.10998669306956184,0.05668035216847745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552660454473525,0.0,0.05443533338003262,0.0,0.2404512473936951,0.0,0.0,0.053675067237072674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366995109455838,0.0,0.0,0.04645557080973305,0.0,0.0,0.034643057552094535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051306648981138216,0.0988913182136736,0.05902138945252605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047938802592467473,0.1338430938281207,0.0,0.057509260979644435,0.0,0.0,0.08220965712677837,0.0,0.0,0.08798597412174584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193423672032547,0.0927635997578667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382934026857504,0.05575242393505687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209517669193365,0.0,0.0,0.05614934015339127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204902345951952,0.04662041028343311,0.05802870199412511,0.0,0.057650841167063815,0.0,0.0,0.055537501395442265,0.0,0.053634185196099984,0.03704733606013666,0.051249325370097625,0.0,0.046314748392931496,0.0,0.0,0.05867868805714745,0.11451182329705036,0.0,0.04733861992005045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058260676293140176,0.10567671212607957,0.052857762894550776,0.0,0.05296004841806395,0.0,0.04186548503683117,0.0,0.0,0.038891377755653336,0.04045305553789952,0.05065701531575805,0.05578169691640388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302278309177537,0.0,0.035541813125660154,0.1196728958288373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579774949027985,0.05479960419436209,0.0,0.049582671669668364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131182233238142,0.0,0.0,0.0557875581376031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053927844908795285,0.051788536551719,0.0,0.17824856009141313,0.13437730951052818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053082701562716564,0.04179625406070883,0.0,0.0,0.17776239115180587,0.053839679814117615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424946123810597,0.0,0.08377406678996198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904040127083346,0.0,0.0,0.039436245010676496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327966917158677,0.091752917024248,0.0,0.0,0.050118696089815125,0.058274430314936565,0.0,0.05705107747737136,0.0,0.054602815497641205,0.0,0.09060077521096616,0.0577668105542654,0.0,0.030936661143825487,0.041632761894296655,0.04207262366031134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732841396330261,0.0,0.06031548122140239,0.0,0.0,0.11455375604307455,0.0,0.0,0.33533394360924496,0.0,0.0,0.3377639939303674
suicidewatch,kirstersj,2019/02/05,"My best friend of ~18 years is engaged to the man who sexually assaulted me I have always had a shitty life but this just takes the cake. 
In 2016 I was raped. It was the hardest time in my life, and I attempted suicide then. Clearly I survived and am still here. 
Tonight I just found out that the girl who I’ve been best friends with since we were in elementary is engaged to the boy who raped me. 
And yes she knows he raped me. She is very aware of the fact. 
It turns out she has been hooking up with him since my assault.  And they are now engaged. She’s somehow kept it a secret from me (I’ve moved away for college so we don’t see each other every day like we used to) but she accidentally forgot to untag herself from a post and so I saw a post of the two of them together in Facebook. 
This is the girl who calls me her sister, says she loves me more than anyone, tells me she’ll always be there for me. 

So it hit me tonight. No one actually fucking cares about me. Clearly not. The person who claimed to have cared the most about me is marrying the man who ruined my life. 
I feel like it’s 2016 all over again. I feel like all progress I’ve made is lost and I’m back right where I was. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow morning. I don’t know how to pretend everything’s fine anymore. ",0.923095238095236,3.0169975370370388,2.374417989417992,95.2141666666667,82.8888888888889,5.33862433862434,21.865079365079364,6.5431188927421005,0.2536190476190474,1005,33,230,10,28,325,149,270,0.14400000000000002,0.6459999999999999,0.21,0.9625,0,0,0,0,1,1,25.0,3,0,2,6,16,22,6,0,15,1,23,9,1,3,5,38,44,13,1,1,5,1,2,3,2,1,3,1,0,6,15,14,0,2,6,1,0,1,5,8,0,2,13,5,41,14,30,28,7,26,0,2,2,5,36,12,1,2,14,157,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.1315264730481662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429659739493316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366618916576073,0.0942417649960407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663085833648394,0.10363800111758842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828879558701305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376261140666734,0.0,0.2748357127389733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692236977973093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135585115221004,0.0,0.1211321584258959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629829371743235,0.19257464803138236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778002709531793,0.2082623932729331,0.1246025400370566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481438419588127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855986792482441,0.1975410541570991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712900201901524,0.0,0.12164479972914555,0.12753271085036838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325050199453945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133085727854988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768526573439518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581652137188811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510193953799702,0.0,0.1071829833864869,0.0,0.0,0.10740272874938499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222983894609146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763600200398626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742815642574272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133827590443506,0.0,0.11780422968493275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859168148423468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660264506628248,0.1316611116472672,0.0,0.0,0.11640720805186887,0.0,0.11120815245918574,0.07949712001500782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679432029655182
suicidewatch,anon373729,2019/02/05,"Depressed because I’m not attractive I’m 16M and I want to kill myself because I’m not attractive. I’m not ugly but not attractive either. I know I can get a girlfriend if I have confidence, but I’m really depressed because I’m not attractive. ",0.6988285714285745,3.2235897400000013,3.9517142857142855,79.45300000000002,91.6,7.6571428571428575,29.142857142857146,8.418075326091056,3.205685714285714,197,11,35,6,7,71,25,50,0.355,0.509,0.136,-0.9014,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,11,4,1,2,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6140743773953876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784223693374272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543383757538358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714964240021745,0.0,0.1845386903230219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151125110668238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980547313752036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AndroclesHasToSneeze,2019/02/05,"Happy birthday to me My birthday is in a few days, the big 21. I've decided to get the best gift ever in the form of some nice alcohol and a hopefully swift end. Anything I should do before I go?",0.7535714285714299,2.5208241190476213,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,81.61904761904762,7.057142857142857,24.785714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.5463142857142862,151,6,33,3,4,54,34,42,0.0,0.631,0.369,0.9524,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,5,5,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691977876049937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842888487075586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939658795908401,0.0,0.3625449554345217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279680717494252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059800847472077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124935184363309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804915780550502,0.0,0.19633612768146366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367754678624816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34312540565703176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idahobeachhouse,2019/02/05,"I don’t think I’m cut out for existence I’m tired. Honestly, exhausted. I know no one likes me. I have one friend and honestly I think it’s because she’s too depressed to find any other friends. When she tries, she’s better at it than i am so I know she could. I’m ugly, I hate my body, my face, my voice, the way I talk, how much I talk. I love being around people, love going out and partying and having fun. But I get so anxious and shut down and then I get awkward and no one wants to talk to an awkward ugly chick. Simple facts. 

I have BPD, depression, anxiety. Meds don’t work. They either make me feel sick or I abuse them. I’ve tried killing myself 3 times and I’m only 23. How many attempts until it works? 

I have a fiancé that loves me, a stable job that pays well, I have the opportunity to go to school with only moderate amounts of loans. And still. I’m unhappy. I have to be broken somewhere. Not every person can be cut out for life, right? ",-0.2745961538461543,1.9613020250000024,2.041999999999998,94.12330769230772,91.25,5.0769230769230775,17.69230769230769,6.67199483983844,-0.005746153846153401,735,20,164,10,26,248,122,200,0.242,0.574,0.183,-0.8974,1,0,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,2,5,9,21,4,2,5,0,14,9,2,3,1,29,34,17,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,2,6,13,0,0,6,0,2,2,5,9,1,3,0,2,30,12,18,30,3,16,0,2,0,3,16,8,0,1,6,100,36,5,0.0,0.15382584353592196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828800462339181,0.0,0.0993186413245117,0.14666953754453887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557511620465895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791424033090272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482298234258355,0.0,0.14421047770981466,0.16351477058034994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365769567296007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236426308710349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938632457165152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564531885501056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866112895620864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061074631282405,0.0,0.13566033078597228,0.0,0.1475693454150007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817901587911953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883500527285235,0.0,0.14363628038486353,0.0,0.14270097558160033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170188832389864,0.06342777121862647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515265575589083,0.0,0.08666170131961855,0.13162597895691486,0.0,0.0,0.14421047770981466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543907235435416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639259707732524,0.1974812351938036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000691094245931,0.1133614601175736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087304640022172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313936301042941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368141051682922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31305430351298363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637804640038772,0.0,0.0,0.07570419041458865,0.14921905394860113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629040333733473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657636275710439,0.10305202176072928,0.0,0.0,0.1167316415014457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903375808530226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway32756,2019/02/05,"I can't seem to catch a break. And I don't know how much more I can take. I can't believe I'm even writing this right now, but I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what else to do. Life has been incredibly hard the past 6 months. I've had depression, PTSD (from past molestation and rape), and dissociation for the past 15 years. I've been through times where I was in absolute hell with my depression. This isn't that. But I think it may be worse. 

It started with my ex lying to me about having been tested when we first got together, and giving me chlamydia. I stayed with him despite that, because I have a hard time placing more value on others needs and emotions than my own. 

When I finally realized I couldn't trust or be really intimate with him after that, I broke it off. And I decided to get back into therapy to address those issues. But it turns out my therapist was at best a horrible therapist, and at worst a creep. I won't go too much into the details here, but he continually touched me without my consent and would not let go when I indicated I wanted him to, all the while acknowledging that I wanted it to stop and was uncomfortable. It has triggered my PTSD to levels I didn't even know were possible. 

I finally got my dream job. I have wanted to do evaluations on criminals since I was a little girl. But with all of the PTSD and trauma going on, there are days where my dream job feels like an impossible task. It triggers me. It drains me emotionally. And I worry that it's making me believe that the world is an endlessly scary place and I'll never be safe.

My finances are a mess. And it's all due to medical bills from having a non-cancerous tumor that can't be operated on and is at times annoying, while at other times painful as hell. I started seeing a new therapist, and the only way I was able to afford this (despite having insurance) was to donate plasma. 

These past few weeks another new medical issue has cropped up - the joints in my knees and feet have been so painful I've been barely able to walk most days. I just got diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease (RA). Which means another condition that will cause me lifelong pain, regular visits with a specialist, and very expensive medication. Oh, and I can no longer donate plasma with this condition so I have no clue how I'll continue to pay for therapy and my mental health meds.

I'm trying, guys. I'm trying so fucking hard to keep going. I have worked so hard, for so long to get to where I am today. To even be alive today. But everything is piling up, and I feel like I'm drowning. If the overwhelming physical pain and the bills associated with it aren't enough, I can't take my dog on a walk and cross paths with a man without my heart racing and going into full panic mode. I can't sleep at night because my mind races or I'm having dreams about the abuse. I have days where I am absolutely overwhelmed with emotions and can't stop crying and reliving everything. Where I feel hopeless and worthless and irreparably broken. Then I have days where I dissociate and nothing (not even myself) feels real and I'm just this shell of a human. Where I can't even recognize my own hands and I feel like I'm in purgatory, surrounded by howls and wails but I'm numb to it all. 

I just don't know how much more I can take. I don't know how to keep going when it feels like the universe is screaming at me to just give up already.",4.6218711520152365,5.4398703445255485,5.790163440177723,80.07302681688357,69.64233576642336,9.343383052999046,28.75991748651222,9.54385415503706,2.464621707394478,2706,95,542,58,46,904,298,685,0.21,0.733,0.057,-0.999,3,0,0,0,1,1,71.0,1,0,0,3,36,30,6,3,28,0,65,20,5,8,5,112,116,59,1,7,18,1,12,4,0,4,13,1,1,4,32,48,0,5,17,3,7,11,23,23,0,1,17,14,71,7,72,88,18,95,2,7,1,3,14,38,3,6,47,371,103,6,0.11821122086553736,0.07003048334188912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522451086667018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395477210373602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544856605119954,0.0,0.07206046304274775,0.0,0.0,0.1331835655438119,0.0620276916228101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060717743304167224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492473767474552,0.15247291617593547,0.0,0.10181515131488858,0.05999095042593476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049375153250300466,0.19945756901757775,0.052350027368809685,0.061071895502636524,0.0,0.19519349126277796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624062301042188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931343535815955,0.1689002396121173,0.0,0.12949461433936887,0.0,0.05027520203999795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054642184429976745,0.061760483914028684,0.11339897457738154,0.20154648298961628,0.0,0.1418164681900635,0.0,0.0,0.05852384689927573,0.0,0.0,0.2117880696909069,0.0,0.0,0.06282649998708473,0.0,0.0700404329452496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123381802344252,0.11730639641843728,0.10507156458280033,0.0,0.0,0.16241448874299352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043949119513092,0.0417480406092289,0.11550406287099327,0.05923934925463574,0.0,0.05230660528790841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03945345392645985,0.0,0.0,0.0643833371647297,0.0656530087847343,0.1786280528562688,0.059564553528293776,0.0,0.059679817421558125,0.0,0.047177534347020066,0.0,0.13034827334035382,0.043826061211427576,0.04558589051105424,0.11416913373267767,0.0,0.05546661146729622,0.0,0.056713427297370125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044952480134931916,0.25157014702340424,0.06934769882766224,0.0,0.0,0.22569197238920685,0.0,0.0,0.1235055658286627,0.0,0.0,0.06663269498178939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072738869323695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672751245373828,0.037864567528884376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050475868362015744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047099519085737035,0.053807527886511934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048892771730511465,0.0,0.059148295797754324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367051055844207,0.06299871646962449,0.0,0.09882987379167092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332018978439472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518483326979489,0.20587850783091166,0.0,0.037872488585370574,0.0,0.0,0.1378598270323024,0.0,0.11205041530527292,0.0,0.0,0.080257659379369,0.06428993154755804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048768318647313375,0.1045860612204258,0.0469152824218218,0.0474109554937053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139513985371242,0.0,0.04302958833947836,0.060024616449082226,0.060233666564557975,0.04198692982862984,0.0,0.0,0.03806207526514473
suicidewatch,Nehalenya,2019/02/05,"So i just failed my second attemp I'm at an hospital right now and i'll spend the night here, didn't cut deep enough, the shittty part is that the only one i can count is the same man that beat the shit out of me since i got memory, and the sad one is that the guy who attended my wound was the first kind person towards me since like 2 years, i suck at everything and i've been bullshitting my way through college, i can't believe that i 'm still here",3.8909621993127175,3.8880972886598,4.704690721649484,90.12686426116841,70.95876288659794,8.52852233676976,25.445017182130584,8.344100000000001,1.1971388316151201,355,9,84,5,6,115,67,97,0.096,0.7859999999999999,0.118,0.2814,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,3,0,9,0,8,2,1,0,0,6,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,4,4,0,11,2,6,7,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,6,2,0,6,55,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26376763908073164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24190356558094195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040762943613095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991382539166926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872432975971824,0.0,0.0,0.23181083737341626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24379493507735595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437685214131076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197012385844888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31728501207390514,0.1780551452816303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535239273728631,0.0,0.0,0.2044203463763391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993308594849066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403158696417827,0.3873249950866585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186964686487414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582973403184505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076250121713014
suicidewatch,abbieraelyn,2019/02/05,"unheard i’ve been trying so hard since my last attempt to not relapse into wanting to kill myself, but it seems to be getting harder and harder.
last semester was so tough, i moved away from home (which was good since i left my mom but bad since i left my brother), i moves into my college’s suite style dorms so i had a roommate and two suite mates, then i started dating one of their ex-boyfriends (i was unaware they had ever dated and they didn’t feel the need to tell me because they were still friends), only to find out that my suite mate did in fact care about it and was just making light of it. she made my life hell. couldn’t be in my suite, let alone my room without feeling the hostility, or having to hide the pain of the side glances and snide remarks and obvious contempt. slept maximum 4 hours a night for months, often in common areas of the dorm and not in my actual room. 
started college, taking really difficult classes, too many hours, and joined a sorority. i had no time to myself.  failed my first semester, had to break the news to my mother who was, to say the least, pissed. got diagnosed with bipolar disorder/manic depression and severe anxiety so i had to switch from my depression meds to two new medications, and can’t seem to catch a break. 
also, money.
so i’ve had a lot going on and every day for the last three months it’s just been me (alone because i’m too sad and exhausted to even try to make friends or connections, in or out of my sorority) thinking about how i would want to do it or where i would want to do it or how i hoped it went down so my boyfriend and none of my family had to see a completely mutilated body. 
and then this week we had a lot of suicide talk in school and in my sorority. my health class has had more than one activity to do with suicide and the signs of it, and my sorority did the same thing with suicide and general mental health, but all those sessions showed me were the people who say they care while they (literally and figuratively) talk over your attempts to reach out. 
nothing i do makes me stop thinking about it. ",6.284855072463768,5.918634297101453,6.507777777777778,80.46500000000002,65.93236714975845,9.808695652173913,31.768115942028984,9.318704503766252,2.552063768115942,1645,57,333,27,23,529,215,414,0.193,0.7390000000000001,0.068,-0.9963,1,2,0,0,0,4,43.0,1,1,6,4,21,20,5,0,18,0,34,11,3,6,4,75,61,39,4,8,13,3,3,0,4,2,8,2,5,0,16,28,0,1,8,1,1,5,8,14,0,6,25,8,46,6,56,30,7,54,1,4,2,0,23,23,2,11,24,234,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.08502072980837169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046895830133247,0.0,0.0696732555313016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664983601010586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185612935949171,0.0,0.07274513492172369,0.10622030530517343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677543472320983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765802072343567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134815035461888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561879532239834,0.0,0.15008003002900924,0.08842931061947464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754476549287624,0.0788088995499452,0.07340596384748853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213301766638073,0.0,0.08810530788922016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963001386481372,0.07410786837159118,0.0,0.0,0.13462400577881053,0.0,0.04551884056900746,0.0,0.04951473631164688,0.07307571278725113,0.06968124596291593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804624225498062,0.0,0.0,0.18521807182739825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739275688639432,0.08653406881131442,0.1715997326207534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639010768857603,0.0,0.0,0.21305375046249195,0.0,0.0,0.18932157107903808,0.08909047952450333,0.061538455793358426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813989514630932,0.0,0.08243910065897976,0.17446840102565453,0.08833034559427558,0.0,0.0,0.09677543472320983,0.0877685465292565,0.08780078275917301,0.0,0.0,0.10203890417675444,0.13908353874753826,0.185198643934308,0.0,0.06460154994340632,0.0,0.0841451728829314,0.0,0.08176023516258242,0.0,0.08359809676570883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807533433977092,0.06626194118853583,0.09270637702758516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040100603561705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055814044946956964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856944931870122,0.0,0.08817442307340954,0.0694267714328451,0.15862934537157794,0.0,0.0984256378727666,0.0,0.21621031510789399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333402813808175,0.0,0.06957756284305583,0.07283979955274203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858994656314368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550661608452006,0.14005439269770334,0.07615046119771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578815005490857,0.11165144186815268,0.0,0.0,0.050802868516133214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183033347606716,0.0,0.17021552452840194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416447361584398,0.0,0.06988584245377251,0.0,0.0,0.08076508075980245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398469723532381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237811781081193,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatswrongwithme182,2019/02/05,"Hashtag Ten Year Challenge I’m 24 and seeing all these #10YearChallenge posts on social media made me think of when I was 14. 

I was really sad all the time, even back then. I remember crying on my 14th birthday because I just felt so hopeless about life and I had this deep aching sadness that never let up. I told myself every day that it would all get better some day, and it would all work out once I grew up, moved to the city, went to college etc. 

Well, now I’m 24 and I’ve done all those things, and I still feel the same way. It feels like a cruel joke for me to keep saying things are going to get better when, if anything, everything is so much worse. I used to tell myself that I felt that loneliness and disconnect because I was different from the people in my rural hometown and that once I ‘found my people’ things would all fall in to place. 
I have a very good relationship with my family, I have friends, a girlfriend, a university degree and so many reasons to be happy and productive. 
But, I feel empty and so removed from my life. I look at who I am on paper and it all just feels like a lie. 
I’m starting to think that I will never be okay, because I am just not meant for this life. I don’t connect, I feel out of place and I have no motivation to keep pushing forward. 

I have attempted suicide three times in the past. All of which I did when I moved into to life I dreamed of ten years ago. My family and girlfriend don’t know about it, and I’m too ashamed to open up about it, mostly because it makes me feel like I’m too useless to even kill myself correctly. Guns aren’t easy to access in my country, but if they were, I would have been gone a long time ago. 

It sounds so dumb, but I thought all day about killing myself once I got home, and then I realised I wouldn’t find out how Game of Thrones ended, so I didn’t. 

What the hell is wrong with me?!",4.08062176165803,4.492306772020727,4.768905699481866,88.37220829015548,70.65803108808291,7.626777202072541,26.32082901554404,7.404127859558343,1.1087441658031096,1458,42,320,14,25,469,189,386,0.141,0.797,0.062,-0.9875,2,0,0,1,0,4,41.0,0,0,1,6,26,23,5,1,12,1,31,4,0,6,12,75,65,32,3,7,9,0,8,3,3,6,4,2,1,0,24,22,0,2,18,3,0,10,9,11,1,3,19,12,48,12,43,37,14,55,1,4,2,0,11,20,2,4,28,222,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501900264368584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971348408336249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514084624951656,0.0,0.20656667312445204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984761941156374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305579300117807,0.16390310497326288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850947096483941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669317735043522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503262215463477,0.0,0.09447996706578364,0.11190733004804562,0.0,0.07137630463358774,0.0,0.07613666051838049,0.0,0.15972411455862942,0.0,0.25700764486122235,0.18156190881278175,0.16267997052279232,0.0,0.07742826099798182,0.0,0.0,0.09288596769483408,0.06545084039374692,0.0,0.08852050870883968,0.0,0.048145664433677925,0.07105518494459291,0.06775457440257025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018102557116432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497636583387454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059772460089965,0.1874498836181283,0.0,0.04655732032549767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662714680383454,0.23934772256451214,0.12416286784820273,0.0,0.0,0.07497038584353448,0.07113952651384664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015967714257677,0.056548129006769275,0.08588803041434083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007794100553556,0.06227550225301949,0.0,0.13067534326969174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706571294318024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808703516442816,0.11746186225224192,0.0,0.17701894192967882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113385202573722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054270798531352,0.08710145070066852,0.0,0.09095254194561532,0.09596593494835562,0.0,0.0,0.06736901682831392,0.0,0.0,0.06750713603887598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863565927770236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059961934307960124,0.0,0.0676537580988177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266480216733122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404491721856075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884326828365995,0.10856430335984524,0.0,0.06725449543723476,0.14819454017393258,0.0,0.0,0.08094911161445005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316683031582888,0.0,0.06989900502632525,0.0,0.06724307199372861,0.0,0.0,0.07616923995584385,0.07853194353588214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061673756550300884,0.0,0.08633214100322444,0.24071730996967985,0.0926228955300696,0.0,0.10910776766823344
suicidewatch,xo_em,2019/02/05,"Getting ready I’m in physical and emotional pain, I have 15 mg of lorazepam, 8 mg abilify, 500 mg lamitrogene and I can get alcohol. Will I be successful? I can’t find anywhere on the internet fatal dosages but I’m ready to do it. I don’t want to be brought to hospital. Plan is to lock my room and I probably won’t be disturbed for 24 hours. I don’t want another attempt, I don’t want to deal with people faking they want to be around me, I just want to be gone. ",0.24484848484848604,2.3523892424242447,2.938181818181821,90.02727272727276,85.86868686868685,7.236363636363637,26.171717171717173,8.296473431620573,1.9406080808080817,361,17,81,9,11,126,62,99,0.12,0.718,0.163,-0.2144,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,2,5,0,1,1,0,15,2,0,0,0,13,26,4,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,12,1,13,17,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405847246841542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360578583524837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004044516165293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320887463090684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532296028913867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575552296705069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523172712314186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169776829582225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395434605860341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606980309827476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427173427636234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6639077895431653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ornithology420,2019/02/05,"No enjoyment in life for 19 years Around age of 7 I developed social anxiety and hard a hard time forming friendships or llater relationships. depressed in elementary schools high school and undergrad. Took a college course which was again 2 yrs of depression due to how badly it's run. I got a job after was depressed moved to new job is which pays really well but the stress is so high that I'm still depressed.

The only thing keeping me going is 1) my gf of 8 years and 2) not disssapoint my family.

But for #1 due to my fucked up mental state and anxiety she feels im not treating her right. Even if my points are valid the tone is wrong and sounds confrontational. 

Basically #2 only thing keeping me going and I don't see if it's even worth it. I have a great upbringing great job and long term relationship and yet I haven't been truly happy in almost 2 decades.

I tried SSRIs which didn't help and I also have substance abuse issues with weed, opiates and benzos to try to mitigate my anxiety issues. I know it doesn't help in the long run but without these crutches I would've given up years ago.

Don't see much point in continuing if my relationship is fucked, work life sucks despite change jobs and fields many times, school was depressing, and I live only for my family but they don't know my real internal state just a mask of semi happiness. 

Some people say therapy but what is telling someone all of this going to do. It's the same as what I'm doing now except I have to take days off work and pay $. I tried some online CBT and while it helps me realise the ways im fucked up it doesn't change my thoughts or behaviours.

Any help",3.455354561878956,5.247208957317074,4.509363143631436,84.3698735320687,73.75609756097559,7.908039747064137,24.95302619692864,8.626192665926032,1.6797984191508584,1310,42,262,25,27,427,181,328,0.223,0.7020000000000001,0.075,-0.9943,4,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,12,20,5,1,11,0,23,5,0,1,1,44,44,29,0,3,15,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,17,16,0,2,4,0,3,7,11,13,1,0,9,7,27,7,30,35,7,46,0,5,2,3,14,15,4,8,21,153,44,13,0.0,0.08953747254258211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698778139250604,0.0,0.07567191481296608,0.0,0.0,0.060432883123614674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051389835466498085,0.0,0.17343132823744334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727285582128999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630973564104674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988497214672553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048736060691388236,0.0,0.32543939725397875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982585314516984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424803540288779,0.0,0.03821019797077837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958829018131,0.0,0.0,0.12884362512990444,0.0,0.060439813829179866,0.16663122944030714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089022606978148,0.13539081532693947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261050887855572,0.15968660213132815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632560050011232,0.15774979997952912,0.2999641798017539,0.13433924599534033,0.0,0.0,0.08306201603863445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675391233575912,0.0,0.0,0.06672923232275059,0.13375321749237098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076615588160211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615625826847103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031839418287104,0.05555226042639544,0.0,0.0,0.07298547139032395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242197670488868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239035998051342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428751631751462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601460861918153,0.048411741768263725,0.0,0.0,0.24340001029990066,0.0,0.06453592010014902,0.0,0.0600958809181704,0.0,0.2294410343016146,0.12043817765243033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703356469120716,0.06402977227940486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060349881618941975,0.0,0.0865645801070693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681884165554424,0.0,0.06605105339599149,0.0,0.08642028242169549,0.0,0.10041000470060817,0.0,0.0,0.059993723217124886,0.08813033902228183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396046904909489,0.15392014227425246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998353304465481,0.0,0.0,0.06794603498043214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284627872619333,0.0,0.1100309579659892,0.0,0.0,0.05368238797274669,0.0826233595520101,0.0,0.14599279583701316
suicidewatch,theduckdeath,2019/02/05,"Lost a friend to suicide years ago - keep feeling more and more overwhelmed by death Hi 

I lost a friend 3 years ago and as time as gone on I would have expected to get better but lately I feel like I just keep on feeling worse. 

I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past few years but it has been every day for the past few months. I'm far away from those I know well and love so I guess that isn't helpful but also because of the distance I have this horrible feeling that I'm gonna come back to someone being dead or someone killing themselves because I didn't ask them how they are. 

It's also not been helpful that the guy I was seeing back at home has decided he wants to take time for himself and has also stopped messaging me. As he has depression I am extremely concerned that something is up and again have these intrusive thoughts that I must check up on everyone and everyone is on the brink of killing themselves and that it's my fault but also I have to respect his boundaries and I can't explain this without putting a lot of pressure on him.

I'm also paranoid that my dying grandmother is dead and no one is telling me. I keep asking for info on how she's doing and get very little back which just makes me paint a picture that she's gone.

I've been holding myself together but it's getting all a bit much. I know nothing has happened and it all seems ridiculous and blown out of proportion but I doubt I'd still be here if it weren't for the fact that I know how it feels to have lost someone. 

​",4.099564454837768,5.152952299035373,4.530898859982461,87.75668737211346,71.0257234726688,7.326571178018124,30.535077462730197,7.520522993642371,1.7957382636655947,1219,51,250,13,22,385,162,311,0.238,0.684,0.077,-0.9964,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,4,18,18,3,3,11,0,31,1,0,4,4,59,68,32,8,5,12,0,5,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,21,14,0,5,14,0,1,4,7,11,1,1,14,6,30,7,32,49,9,36,0,5,1,1,21,14,0,6,19,174,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773013815933706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557397635175737,0.0,0.09639716375677576,0.10810627625858094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634678394366467,0.0,0.08358868802313164,0.20523349497655166,0.0,0.10846855368499517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786852704982056,0.09713038925383044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663835072212254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737722183358104,0.0,0.0766283044822618,0.0,0.09233509497675843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495966715134574,0.17002613105192654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249253401046629,0.0635590028643983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374734440477719,0.0,0.13944686341522827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800866150254947,0.08809264832895622,0.07867441294270155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926721147359612,0.0,0.08924250325563604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372374564875125,0.1968605821736713,0.0,0.14668402572703212,0.0,0.100360167432015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346543900545432,0.08916965369871176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29135837213334764,0.07563770469027448,0.08029740418545603,0.0,0.0593870605957948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101368352309607,0.0,0.06540196980683304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536752573759611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060287252540420874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986070301025405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943775913017621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089625154723286,0.08099343913114611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614776795110975,0.06849217795571022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071050234593381,0.07438151947964773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946338567894924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689312258209132,0.0,0.07776225425854287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126185484908066,0.10375631392062204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340820147360176,0.05247583449221095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999322609333083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576230895416284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066634350553746,0.06320055908443413,0.0,0.10810627625858094,0.1718780901453774
suicidewatch,Arkiduki,2019/02/05,I feel a absolute hate of this world Nothing makes no fucking sense,1.7469230769230784,4.523599461538463,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,92.84615384615385,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.177953846153846,55,3,10,1,2,17,13,13,0.254,0.617,0.129,-0.4238,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27216928510877825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976288891030511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5314376063100483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593044211814461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164917932478228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toptierkitten,2019/02/05,I am not going to make it to the end of the semester I'm alone. I'm sick of everything. My roommates dont help. No one helps. My friends dont care. No one cares. I hate everything. I dont wanna fucking be alive anymore. I constantly think about suicide. I wanna slice the shit out of my arm when I get home. I hate being here. I hate it. Why am I so fucking unloveable. ,-1.5190068159688437,0.3936667974683559,1.2686075949367108,96.7909737098345,102.54430379746836,4.456085686465434,20.00097370983447,6.297961479604792,0.23625141187926024,283,11,65,4,13,97,48,79,0.271,0.526,0.203,-0.8142,0,2,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,6,0,3,0,7,5,2,1,0,6,20,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,0,0,12,3,9,18,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,0,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319860377372438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669506773007004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30162484429692404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984698185882965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200769449589511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310115851502206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26587860842715066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428120333748998,0.2734959104341239,0.07728113340053804,0.0,0.08406529899178153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381156776448704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982928490708801,0.0,0.1483739747926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873652027231454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004663464701236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183586539744026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179845873644125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947799841287046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334731320248681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BramBones,2019/02/05,"I want to give in. Why should I *not* give in, when my biology wants me to kill my body?",-1.3580000000000003,0.05599120000000113,1.8800000000000023,99.395,87.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,-0.6934999999999998,64,1,19,1,2,23,15,20,0.214,0.727,0.059,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38452383228702497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6641677066908874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829927885002937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083675047414284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123702687841725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedPandas77,2019/02/05,Hypothermia Is submerging oneself in freezing water a relatively painless way to go?  I have always liked the cold and think walking into the lake during winter might be a quick way to pass out and not wake up.  I live right near Lake Michigan so it would be easy.,6.6853333333333325,7.119333400000002,6.722000000000001,76.55433333333336,65.0,9.066666666666668,32.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.728066666666668,210,8,37,3,3,67,42,50,0.027000000000000003,0.8190000000000001,0.154,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,8,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,7,4,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30746541678993394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000343615446404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805259739557911,0.0,0.3262878097134819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39199617391638825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31556310906551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676977997353485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866063473157583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624922868451017,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pigeonpanic,2019/02/05,"I can't stop crying and having intense, invasive suicidal thoughts Like, if I think about it rationally, I don't ""want"" to kill myself, but it's like my brain definitely does. And there's just so many issues I'm trying to deal with right now and failing at all of them and I know most of my coworkers hate me and I tried to tell a couple of my friends how I feel and either they don't care or I'm just completely failing to communicate properly which is nothing out of the ordinary and I just want it all to go away.",3.2611448598130828,4.462381224299069,4.955221962616822,83.35844042056075,73.2056074766355,8.714485981308412,27.393691588785053,9.188382445141503,2.1483093457943925,409,15,87,9,8,139,71,107,0.16899999999999998,0.655,0.175,-0.643,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,2,8,8,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,2,27,16,12,2,3,7,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,1,14,4,14,15,4,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,4,60,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233795998887676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285314002516093,0.0,0.0,0.2087221906837264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464143278510964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226514995192708,0.22487154362363526,0.0,0.21105379856396364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914885333610778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351085078297502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816351713449714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634514661381315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211523407292298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136709160629424,0.0,0.0,0.2264885576803674,0.0,0.11250687518661164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000283546983425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755047434631013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643107384486516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748268355148866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115222233933505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392670494659855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789313087924709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117411442963015,0.0,0.16252209257308947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779782313895868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24149427855962302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ericthomasnardin,2019/02/05,"I loved her I loved her, she was the most beautiful girl in the world, she's amazing, why am I not allowed to get what I want? I deserve happiness just like everyone else, I want happiness, I don't deserve to feel like this, it's a joke, I'm sick of living in the past, I don't deserve any of this ",3.288692307692308,3.0936076769230785,5.089038461538461,87.51971153846155,72.23076923076924,8.961538461538463,30.09615384615385,8.841846274778883,2.061692307692307,229,9,55,4,4,79,40,65,0.044,0.519,0.4370000000000001,0.9808,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,7,11,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,12,8,6,10,1,4,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,3,33,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132541143450244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046055920118686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24073605503499504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738662867689254,0.1799834356856622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162638620269285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363820282157792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461668274588127,0.0,0.22246448307577726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547649280392927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405018293080552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971972673180707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273334415598256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ymaremu,2019/02/05,"My note I feel at peace and calmer now that I’ve made up my mind. It’s like an escape and I don’t have to worry anymore.
 
I hurt pretty much everyone I interact with because of my selfishness and this pretty much puts an end to it. Yeah, people are gonna be sad, but this is the last time I can ever hurt anyone. Kinda beautiful, it’s not more shock of loss and pain I guess for everyone else but then no one will ever have to worry about me again. 

Life isn’t fun. I don’t think my life feels drained of hope, but I’m selfish and pleasure-seeking and life isn’t always going to be the cakewalk that I want it to be. “How repugnant”, you might be thinking. “How selfish could someone be to choose their death and leave their family and friends behind instead of shaping up and facing the consequences of life?”. Well see, that’s kind of my point. I actually am that selfish and cowardly, which means it’s just another strike against me living in a society where I’ll never give more than I leech. I really think in the long game I’ll be better off abdicating my stupid pointless life and forfeit the potential happiness in order to prevent any more of my suffering.

I’ve been thinking about the end for a while, at least a year and a half now, but I always had a distraction or a diversion or a clear goal and future. Turns out I destroyed the future I had because of my own selfishness and I have put myself without someplace to follow or turn to. It recently came clear that I will never have the happy, pleased life that I feel entitled to, so everyone is better off without me trying to secure my own comfort and happiness at the expense of theirs.
 
Haha it’s not just this. I’m also not going to have to worry about my stupid essays and labs and dumb assignments. I don’t have to worry about getting to places on time or making friends or being kind when I would rather be selfish. I can relax and not have to worry about existing. I hate working. It’s so hard to roll out of bed and keep going every single day. Pathetic, huh? Yeah, why should I stick around if my main desire in life is to be pampered and catered to. Oh and HAH I’ll never have to file my taxes. Your move, IRS. 
 
“Oh how sad”, “Another case of preventable mental illness”, “If only he opened up to us and got some help”. Cry me a river. I’m not obligated to stick around if I can’t be happy the way I want to, and there’s no concrete reason why I should put forth effort to live in a life I don’t want to try and make better.

Yes, I’m amoral and selfish. All the more reason to rid the world of my negativity. It was fun while it lasted!",3.481477618426773,4.626450182674206,4.831111111111113,84.67640156453717,72.5969868173258,7.7060408518035635,25.85643922932059,8.139509932561175,1.5144113284079386,2041,65,417,30,39,680,247,531,0.224,0.606,0.16899999999999998,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,1,2,3,7,26,42,5,1,23,6,43,11,1,8,8,96,77,47,1,13,22,0,4,1,2,7,10,0,1,0,20,32,0,4,11,2,2,9,20,21,1,2,7,5,50,21,69,52,13,59,0,6,1,0,13,24,1,13,25,290,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.06566230914273836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380931043509882,0.111976183778736,0.0,0.0,0.045757400059321364,0.14111236514356387,0.0,0.0,0.06673052528155128,0.04704856569111508,0.0,0.0,0.11979921511733825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203494065393893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852938781885033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695828933119088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053723115278996106,0.0,0.07391150122031205,0.043394484651055484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056209571735123386,0.0,0.11919244498567205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172970843959925,0.056692116169059975,0.1928865523223962,0.0,0.0,0.06343210190022207,0.0,0.10206683670166176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397138563037407,0.0,0.035154628618194766,0.06454772670663028,0.1147220894296437,0.0,0.0538154815205744,0.0,0.07412410746512844,0.0,0.0,0.2865126293198198,0.06027584681907749,0.0664318843064782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510099140628032,0.0,0.0,0.06683107508573788,0.0,0.0,0.1440640384040377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059807689272363185,0.0,0.14013790604873974,0.0,0.10969560998765954,0.0,0.07124711271797603,0.0,0.0,0.3802138248003946,0.03287298104540968,0.0,0.11883113270654592,0.05954679000684584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366849267372722,0.08982905784355152,0.0,0.0,0.07329516104105434,0.0,0.0,0.06780937017950121,0.07138076872075047,0.06794058869023815,0.0,0.0,0.0715153271339777,0.09892722875858624,0.0,0.1556874185160119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559534552940764,0.051174720289111984,0.07159800676386524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664826495587865,0.0,0.0703004902783869,0.07386081144211429,0.06360787051174698,0.0,0.0,0.1369099368285334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292576087368572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043105711772576605,0.13836428173089474,0.06643769720440018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053618948447991685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701197287946143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245891698890678,0.0,0.0,0.07847106618263258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136677792793056,0.14637765277808612,0.0,0.0,0.08093785710869084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906267269414007,0.05340921008173112,0.0,0.0,0.060499004848363624,0.0,0.12143192472404525,0.0,0.0,0.129724342888012,0.0,0.04898566532522145,0.3416655708453345,0.0,0.047798683928653926,0.0,0.0,0.04333055816876477
suicidewatch,d3fq0n0n3,2019/02/05,"Are there any subreddits that discuss suicide I mean actual suicide information and not prevention fluff.

Thanks",7.723921568627452,11.83590217647059,6.749411764705886,56.76568627450985,86.05882352941177,11.678431372549019,40.96078431372549,9.725611199111238,7.279525490196079,95,6,10,4,3,29,16,17,0.467,0.5329999999999999,0.0,-0.9082,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.34006175479036616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369752444281569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795919060214756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7623511285258427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208293599025332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lolmaster559,2019/02/05,Life’s a mess Some positive words. Or negative. Anything works. ,1.78227272727273,0.7013124545454588,2.6461363636363657,80.98920454545456,151.72727272727272,8.372727272727273,30.022727272727273,7.1686216300943375,4.262072727272727,51,3,8,2,4,16,11,11,0.392,0.38,0.228,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6300190799236907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.540762070403796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573619489566061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xMorgana_Rose,2019/02/05,"Chronically Suicidal I am beginning to think these urges and this part of my brain will never fully be gone. I have undergone all kinds of treatment, medication hasn't helped and I just keep feeling like I'm  a failure and should be further along",10.54826086956522,8.477362086956521,9.79739130434783,65.78565217391306,58.56521739130434,13.547826086956524,42.565217391304344,12.161744961471696,5.123426086956521,200,9,35,5,2,64,39,46,0.163,0.753,0.084,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,2,11,13,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,4,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37285571311329213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888100296570932,0.2386104683946514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387391173012955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968755437841568,0.0,0.3478107712332021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317607723012206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33647099185761803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576022559117692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36169066710777614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653430170473296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214014432694222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acatfromyouralley,2019/02/05,"There is only one way for this to end. I’ve know this since I was a child. 

I have to kill myself. 

If I don’t, I’ll hurt people. I already have. I’m chained by my worst impulses and No amount of positive thinking therapy or redemption will make me worthy of life. There’s no other way for my life to end. And it has to be now. I understand it deeply, I know it. I’ve always known it. 

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suicidewatch,newts-bay,2019/02/05,"There is no point in my existence, I have nothing I always get waves of feeling hopeless and loneliness but tonight I can't cope with how I feel anymore and I want to take my life tonight and disappear from how I feel and act. I have no one to turn to.

I'm not happy with my life, I'm in a constant state of wanting to give up on everything. I'm in education and I hate it, I chose this university course and I fucking hate it. But if I quit then I have nothing to do and I'll be a hermit in my own flat. I constantly skip lectures because I have no motivation to go and get depressed even thinking about the workload and the group work I'm forced to do.

I feel so distant from my family and I can tell they've started to give up on me even more. My mum has changed the way she interacts with me. My boyfriend doesn't trust me and whenever we argue he walks away whilst I get in this state of self harm and suicidal thoughts. Last time I called an ambulance because I was on the verge of taking my life and I didn't want to. Tonight I won't be calling for help. 

I have no friends whatsoever. All I have are my cats and even then I don't think they'd miss me. I feel insignificant and shit. I don't have a future. I keep feeling this way and it's time I should go. I hate myself and if I keep on living then I'll just get worse and worse. My situation right now means that if I don't go now, I'll regret it.

I'm sorry I needed to vent. I have so much more to say but there's no point. In a few years time no one will remember my existence. Goodbye.",0.1043817769865676,2.1700067694610787,2.2742531153908416,94.83544181906458,86.09580838323353,5.766499433565303,21.901278524033014,7.113659591113569,0.5468638290985592,1207,43,286,18,37,406,156,334,0.25,0.698,0.052000000000000005,-0.9973,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,1,0,1,3,13,14,6,0,9,0,27,5,1,3,1,53,66,31,1,9,8,1,6,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,8,22,0,2,12,0,0,6,14,11,0,2,3,7,52,3,35,57,6,45,0,4,0,1,17,17,2,3,18,184,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189791442711833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097611664637261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247401271641564,0.0,0.0,0.11999856260480715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100691394659315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412114569338286,0.0,0.0,0.21272603405034704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477375313235078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950273761142975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845850771127449,0.0,0.0927868173043266,0.0,0.2986013909728086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604330988856471,0.09099280399147927,0.2056930800198799,0.18883744810344166,0.1678124677221471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477579252338826,0.0,0.29152446132196225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597254898538818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497024287915855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022993262167143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856255926510175,0.0,0.0,0.08691153430365721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721424189135524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235407960849967,0.07298127333544632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888387525457528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339135449805986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860878540513905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468765222815177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149692328046636,0.08405485329837797,0.0,0.07827192122735291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026792795112448,0.0,0.10103237826887884,0.0,0.11063440440724888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017930749981876,0.06966608716812747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766153993717288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800747839433095,0.0,0.08602823969640087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261341934429552,0.0,0.0781388658597165,0.17217813055485767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705869834741262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416175923688462,0.15625118732521875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165494825020602,0.0,0.2006080200699354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338280561511074
suicidewatch,dogdick42069,2019/02/05,whenever i hear of someone in my school system killing themselves i subconciously feel happy for them for finally having the courage to do something about it. just a thought i had that i cant really share with anyone.,9.411749999999998,8.738172675000001,8.730000000000004,68.09500000000004,59.75,12.0,42.5,11.20814326018867,4.9515,177,9,29,4,2,56,36,40,0.15,0.691,0.159,0.1015,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,3,7,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23375608252652186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903628235196336,0.0,0.0,0.3662183173637821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558773197459149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767896640245095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698625167888624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416640806071868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383377694701171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832582724180248,0.2573668028341094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26540338641613376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,secret1illusion,2019/02/05,Do you ever fear that death might be better than living? I'm alive because sometimes I think there might be more to life than it seems... and that ending my life prematurely might be a bad decision. Though sometimes I'm scared death is more peaceful than it seems and I might have been happier doing it. ,5.4720689655172405,6.6918653448275895,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,67.9655172413793,7.8689655172413815,26.568965517241374,8.07648339933343,1.522158620689655,242,7,46,3,4,74,38,58,0.236,0.596,0.168,-0.7190000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,1,0,12,2,0,0,1,11,17,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,9,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409177776834484,0.10288199605766687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926533846302575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948211770944686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266416095325666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991570078112446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841766028209116,0.0,0.0,0.14902898727282654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7161627382264819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689704630744531,0.0,0.0,0.307287832364272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338401380673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814244196634444,0.16581787702119952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beashe,2019/02/05,"Crippling social anxiety, Not sure what other options there are. I have tried medication, didn't help at all, didn't even receive any side effects. Tried therapy, really did nothing for me or teach me anything I didn't already know. 

Every day is the same thing. Sitting behind the computer to distract myself from life, then laying in bed fantasizing about being normal. 

I feel like it is inevitable that I will end my own life soon because there seriously doesn't seem to be any other option.",5.774904761904764,7.8346391888888895,6.206507936507936,73.465,68.22222222222221,8.253968253968255,31.74603174603175,8.841846274778883,2.976936507936508,397,17,62,7,7,128,72,90,0.111,0.861,0.028,-0.6508,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,12,3,0,1,2,12,15,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,1,8,2,8,8,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,5,46,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399727149299535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30072092920414417,0.0,0.16914638763104964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195236972501333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478488478736142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259583946730384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958353335402375,0.0,0.0,0.14603920718904756,0.0,0.18629233556546884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179843382002748,0.1579590136908514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820348212684148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215147237676582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123490805367125,0.1080217996746954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227422223634644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166380910645497,0.21215830266418872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164692138812382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128767261942104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253909254968273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839090061172436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528553302031791,0.0,0.1468937857110102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002345229542689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrainingSandwich6,2019/02/05,"Life is just going to keep getting worse. I hate my life. I hate where I live. I am 22, about to graduate college, and I fucking despise this wretched shithole of a state that I live in. 70 degrees? In February? I thought I was going to die today. I want to move, but I don't think there is anywhere I can go.",-0.7904273504273505,1.3604185384615377,1.7497435897435911,95.38136752136757,94.3846153846154,4.11965811965812,24.145299145299145,5.82211442006289,0.5068632478632478,235,11,52,2,9,80,46,65,0.195,0.7859999999999999,0.02,-0.8503,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,7,17,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,2,0,12,0,8,15,0,9,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,34,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358088226454473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005262022621835,0.1187082069276129,0.0,0.3873872109157721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486470304944789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019552995741657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32097125730823683,0.0,0.0,0.4012624011470968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24148900402612464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558743477832845,0.0,0.18037990693061196,0.0,0.0,0.21536916558003127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340147508600098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23154710265896206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myneckissorek,2019/02/05,"I’ve been suicidal for over 10 years. I have an extremely serious and terminal illness that’s very slowing killing me. I also have anxiety and OCD to top things off. 

I tried to kill myself once before by not taking any medications. I was hospitalised for three weeks and was pretty close to death.

I constantly push everyone away. I don’t talk to my family, I rarely talk to my best friend and the person I love the most doesn’t know how to handle me. We’re getting more and more distant.

Most days I don’t leave my room. I can’t be arsed with life anymore. My health will just decline and I’ll be fighting a losing battle. There’s no point. ",2.1159570661896225,4.417874441860469,3.555968992248065,87.24214669051882,79.77519379844959,7.070005963029219,23.10137149672033,8.139509932561175,1.4077818723911748,509,17,102,10,13,167,91,129,0.244,0.64,0.115,-0.948,0,0,0,0,2,3,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,4,0,4,0,12,5,0,1,0,14,16,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,3,0,17,3,13,10,5,13,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,2,5,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254097663838336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121144909960616,0.0,0.13635551611910016,0.0,0.17676930197232665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746529975907126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167178601696535,0.0,0.18705518129767468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261751497713414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495208120797812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031896107525046,0.0,0.0,0.1680317714903366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771020972359985,0.0,0.09312468522786677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894641254239549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943992564560416,0.0,0.09795776964241457,0.0,0.0,0.1887337516011161,0.0,0.0,0.1258984028048247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940848359746155,0.0,0.0,0.16087139515901336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956121391214536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982312950714456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563503684913638,0.0,0.0,0.1684973829123478,0.0,0.0,0.18133735546171453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496906783305767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340166605071035,0.28653017237952155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841682371014167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101539355217715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706925967242196,0.0,0.0,0.1429758974314262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478273982179245
suicidewatch,throwaway9889220,2019/02/05,"I hate myself so immensely. How do I stop and become a better person? I have several mental illnesses and severe depression. I really need to turn my life around, or everyone will give up on me. I have ultimatums waiting on me to change and stop being so miserable, but acting like I don’t despise myself is like acting like the sky is purple  

What can I do to change myself and my perspective on life? How can I get motivated to be a better person? I don’t have any energy but I want to start... I don’t want to be alone. The only thing that helps me is weed and alcohol but I’m running out of that and money. If another bad thing happens to me I know I’ll kill myself, I have A plan and A note. This is my last ditch effort.. even now I don’t have very much motivation knowing these could be my last months 

What are things I can do to become a better person, change my perspective.  and like myself? How do I get motivated? How can I get happy again? ",1.0867032967032983,3.3261542564102555,3.704249084249085,85.04384615384616,83.35897435897436,6.996336996336996,19.029304029304036,8.11559375814309,0.9968534798534798,740,19,151,16,21,259,95,195,0.14,0.638,0.222,0.9647,0,1,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,8,10,14,3,1,7,0,28,4,0,7,0,31,43,19,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,0,3,9,10,1,3,5,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,0,1,31,8,15,37,1,18,0,2,1,0,5,7,0,2,12,113,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243770204400989,0.0,0.12053670774816995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914378683962367,0.12203672993743732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360470145275842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717415283707836,0.0,0.2570696673693259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087914041406564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693503405752945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929215990963027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023969157198648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686924827338115,0.0,0.0,0.11120803892880428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824144573453157,0.11164426992855668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102916264965892,0.12389085936018232,0.0,0.11490318252545464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800843678807759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875949802816292,0.0,0.12792106517088747,0.1897338127352199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440817148957754,0.2274335693258773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172857359084657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928950442247303,0.0,0.08555419992562792,0.08629581750680146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851379555849076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048609584159747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455732317999311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629571857424365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237581601297893,0.0,0.0,0.19460121482973772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319571935710287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659025353860012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602738210489098,0.13729030023623914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CameronArtorias,2019/02/05,"I feel trapped in a shitty reality and have been strongly considering suicide recently. Recently I was told yes by this girl I have a crush on who I met at a convention. She lives in another state 3 hours away so she said we would give it a shot as soon as she's able to come to this state. Lately she hasn't been very responsive to my messages. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and I don't know what it could be. She's very sweet so I don't suspect any ill-intent, so I feel like I ruined it somehow. 
I really don't want to be alive anymore. I feel nauseous and have constant anxiety like never before.

I just don't want to lose her, especially this soon. I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship before and I've also never met someone that is so much of a perfect match for me before.",1.3983928571428592,3.3258037202380986,3.7466666666666697,86.90250000000003,80.25,6.8190476190476215,23.595238095238088,7.8658589789855275,1.2378023809523806,627,22,134,11,16,217,96,168,0.156,0.688,0.156,-0.0026,0,1,1,0,0,4,13.0,1,0,0,3,9,9,0,0,6,1,18,0,0,0,4,23,33,12,1,4,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,8,6,21,6,16,21,1,19,1,2,0,0,16,6,0,1,13,88,30,0,0.14143617768656092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131064601964592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618145088005507,0.14830816435186875,0.10819828880237684,0.0,0.14026668323040614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288394473078818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610553098336412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121834743461927,0.0,0.15284226195652087,0.0,0.11292527911619582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860575244798726,0.20208406719912736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567846944110346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928614487285246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777296243809386,0.0,0.15954616895671295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729571660109825,0.0,0.1248907361281298,0.0,0.0,0.15823090485812724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397186445480323,0.0,0.3272528984869614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906076371063242,0.0,0.2793023249557313,0.15184952382348413,0.0,0.0,0.13453819353871288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983841437607845,0.10888447952956544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547082223685443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351483288937467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233399317972432,0.1668454441690781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047220262635022,0.15463825727711206,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skrskrnicole,2019/02/05,"im so tired of being myself i know my family loves me, and i know im cared for so i just dont understand why i dont wanna be alive anymore. i feel like such a disappointment and i feel so alone. i dont know whats wrong with me or why i am the way i am. i try to help myself but no one notices. maybe its cause i dont try hard enough. ive turned into such a horrible person, a person i dont want to be anymore but i just dont know how to change. my mom tries and i know shes tired of trying, i dont want to be such a burden to her anymore. i wish i was normal. i wish i was smart and knew how to act like a normal functioning teenager, one that was involved in sports and had good grades and a good non toxic relationship. i used to have friends and i used to be smart and i always had high expectations for myself but the past couple of years things just started going downhill and the past couple of months came straight fucking down i feel like the only way out is by just ending it, i dont have any motivation for anything, i dont want to get out of bed, or go to school. i dont want to live anymore i just want this to all be over already im so tired of living and feeling like such a disappointment.",0.7029072681704243,2.2417736954887246,3.0167105263157907,93.1748903508772,80.84210526315789,5.78671679197995,19.729949874686717,6.6274283507984215,0.0006145363408518456,937,23,224,9,24,322,120,266,0.151,0.6659999999999999,0.183,0.8682,0,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,1,15,16,1,0,11,0,28,5,0,6,1,54,57,21,0,11,10,1,5,4,1,0,3,0,1,2,6,15,0,0,12,1,0,4,11,5,0,2,7,5,37,11,30,44,2,20,0,2,0,2,10,8,1,2,10,145,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062079710222491126,0.06614522422412497,0.0,0.04987483925823548,0.0,0.0,0.04076122074927867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377772922578918,0.0,0.0,0.049325470813379166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685553334728095,0.06111277279495871,0.06157483884312705,0.06340851828970696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264482698765034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7024917382001117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308900369567116,0.06193399027662885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056506049399521724,0.0,0.1212297568359326,0.12846333462916948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630945591088848,0.055413516992179175,0.031316149422987966,0.0,0.06813050866814699,0.10054957078124928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369442089928401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017648433563508,0.063329847051375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942362920046996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470714202996944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713452559294475,0.0,0.10585614623774113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409814418547604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021773524847476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020094383363751,0.04784349543232245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745684713005013,0.0,0.06824202921722282,0.0,0.0,0.08123372140263098,0.04558703221299285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443892733657565,0.0,0.10467450295254956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435307332762855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066242843040985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242580441230458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982143871335983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066764615626824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278116324102768,0.06519745232370752,0.0,0.06239960080613164,0.0,0.10353774167807482,0.0,0.0,0.1767706745573099,0.09515508308442687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081729618219049,0.0,0.13785596644948925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553492470202696,0.0,0.038599361948378055
suicidewatch,suuuuupur,2019/02/05,"Passive suicidal thoughts have recently turned to active ones. I have a therapist, I'm taking an SSRI but like fuck what do I do now.",2.1056410256410243,4.756979307692311,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,82.84615384615384,8.082051282051282,27.89743589743589,8.841846274778883,2.911374358974359,106,5,19,3,3,36,22,26,0.242,0.5479999999999999,0.21,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,9,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386882902834716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789820172027664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482508935419493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617302929577357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007317204338631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754525501337333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253651310537688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29084408570588843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39848785742062093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aeiou221,2019/02/05,"breakup? family guilt? the person who i thought was absolutely perfect for me just broke up with me yesterday. it came absolutely out of the blue, and they said it for reasons that i didn't know were problems/reasons they've never brought up before. i know the advice is generally ""get back out there! plenty of fish in the sea"", but i'm so fucking ugly and antisocial that i felt like this was really my one chance at being in a happy relationship. i became pretty codependent for the time that we were together, since they were basically the only thing in my life that made my depression abate for periods of time

​

i feel like i'd be putting a gun to my head right now and pulling the trigger if i didn't have family members that would be sad. does anyone else feel the same way? i want so badly just to be done with all of it but i imagine my siblings and parents reactions and i just know i'll never be able to do it",4.4999251559251565,5.607710859459464,5.650810810810814,79.89563409563412,70.13513513513513,8.935550935550935,29.365904365904363,9.265573868473778,2.4733575883575885,739,28,145,15,13,246,113,185,0.135,0.752,0.112,-0.7707,1,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,1,0,2,1,8,10,1,1,10,0,17,3,1,3,4,36,32,10,0,3,6,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,12,11,0,0,9,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,14,5,20,4,21,12,2,22,0,3,1,1,8,9,1,1,10,101,32,0,0.14423658047833154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094631711197575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628027468686545,0.17526323276163455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085357073798824,0.14778742179054155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109090271950608,0.1204315199334154,0.0,0.0,0.12273470646093225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496822300373665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423075541405525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622240356975134,0.14760409970045496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049115495588522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719468226960823,0.0,0.14586069782835315,0.1030426419135516,0.1384897365755205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334439445492402,0.07535766015460826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354252198749976,0.0,0.0,0.14802834382524366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378059575553073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018785623742966,0.14093341510123286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648013994321298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224882855360466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773843980416022,0.10969841900301287,0.0,0.0,0.16015765337270751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259418186094181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674045633316246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449976017915691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924016468431442,0.29659845460056145,0.0,0.1548561084003575,0.0,0.12317725163320875,0.13720201787947342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931398987137187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582437498609338,0.0,0.0,0.1145077335174122,0.16821101999353902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507447220705985,0.11448828392350252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024615284221428,0.0,0.17526323276163455,0.0
suicidewatch,AccordingRuin,2019/02/05,"can i please catch a fucking BREAK moved to the frozen northland from the deep deep south of texas to jump start my transition in nov, finally now, i FINALLY got insurance like, two days ago and was planning on making a phone call to the gender clinic soon..... except that i immediately today got a massive case of flu; sore throat, nausea + vomiting, phlegm, coughing, muscle aches all that good shit; and had to call off for the third time in two months cuz heyyyyy I can't do a warehouse job with this shit happening right now. 

first call out was for a work-related accident; one they STILL ARENT diagnosing and has been giving me daily pain from a 4-7 on the pain scale since it happened
Second was because our fucking car wouldn't start in -46F weather and heck, at least i wasn't the only one but now we got to replace our car ON TOP OF everything else

and now this shit.

can i please just get off this fucking ride. can i please just fucking be done. can the universe just give me one good fucking thing without yanking it out of my damned hands? if i lose the job i lose the insurance i lose the paycheck and i lose my transition for like the eighth time since i came out in fuckin' 2011.

i just want it to be over i don't need to struggle this hard just to exist",5.638550724637683,5.708767743083008,5.633059288537552,84.71770487483533,67.22134387351778,8.802002635046113,29.91014492753623,8.447377352677275,1.94273512516469,1001,33,208,13,15,314,141,253,0.149,0.7490000000000001,0.102,-0.9101,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,1,7,11,21,10,1,17,0,19,19,5,2,1,27,38,9,0,4,9,0,2,2,0,1,8,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,0,0,0,7,6,17,0,8,11,2,23,4,34,24,2,44,0,4,0,6,10,19,11,1,19,133,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716403718452731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306450376303939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666149768752234,0.09956131865906262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613965892350586,0.0,0.0,0.08835330443926989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908175488638305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271860032031538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823438403635899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071671648372332,0.0,0.07404417166335514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023788189627805,0.04547971651415775,0.16701142510329384,0.0,0.14602580646120622,0.2088640619882874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539549865771067,0.0,0.07797916046149404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276618693060775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505587558087455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895440304507701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058106147697207434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948199728895071,0.09251973160618694,0.0,0.06454602404354227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696077050598755,0.06620498816009525,0.1852533893027115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866622886883037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433970844872137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680648618014181,0.14401631962537118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232280208843514,0.0,0.06951775999326981,0.0,0.0,0.09100292902029852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057831750621935574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151840553658233,0.0,0.08251264887223317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006922199884109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134398906004338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391251126002001,0.0,0.06337299695140063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForwardMeaning,2019/02/05,"I’m not scared of death, I’m scared of surviving don’t know what to type here. im 15, i think I have bpd, ive attempted suicide by overdose twice before. The worst part was facing the world after fully recovering. there’s this person I really like, she used to care but I guess a combination of me and the rest of the world made her numb. now she hates talking to me. i dont even want to share my average ass problems, all I know is there’s a kitchen knife at my neck but I’m scared of surviving. i don’t want to see my mother cry because of me again, but I’m so tired of being unloveable, so tired of being me",1.0902272727272724,2.7570866590909127,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,80.13636363636364,6.521212121212122,20.848484848484848,7.492282038375204,0.5179121212121212,477,13,111,7,12,162,80,132,0.252,0.616,0.132,-0.9713,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,1,3,6,0,9,7,3,2,1,15,24,6,2,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,2,1,18,3,16,20,4,6,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,1,4,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029999693969977,0.0,0.14377743133941287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280648124836635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227187066608649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856009720514807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802663229377646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116003021775345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861348527743809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166818723729365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251203387089698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571834444342725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254814386832146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598795036522526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297347093431865,0.0,0.0,0.14753439919327335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167742929602918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824380338472303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074926573909986,0.0,0.13464384822413264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482113582114226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580829127099064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826644738508663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884026096640351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593218101286473,0.0,0.0,0.19932078609534692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mnope3,2019/02/05,"my life has gone down hill and i dont really know how to help myself now sorry if this is a bit long and doesnt really make sense, i have never really talked to anybody about this so i dont really know how to word it

im 16 years old, i would say it all started a few years ago, my dad has always been mean and unsupported, he gets really angry and corners in my room until i start crying, at this point i started feeling depressed, as well as this people were bullying me at school for being overweight. so i decided to starve myself. i lost a ton of weight until i had to go to an eating disorder clinic and the people who started bullying me for being overweight started bullying me for being skinny, my dad started getting really mad at me for starving myself and he would shout at me calling me weird.

after a while of going to the e.d. clinic i had a blood test to see if i had anaemia, i didn't but it turned out i have a genetic disorder called hereditary haemochromatosis, its not that serious but t is something i will have to get treatment for for the rest of my life, this made me feel even more depressed. i never really talked to people about my problems with anybody before so i decided to tell my friends about the haemochromatosis but they just made fun of me and now they just make jokes about me and take the piss out of me, i started to going to counselling after this but that didn't help, what can i do now, i feel so alone like no one can help me, i have never felt like i want to kill myself but i have self harmed and i do sometimes think about how better i would be if i did just kill myself, no more bullying and all my problems would go away. im worried its only gonna get worse from here and that eventually i will end up commiting suicide. what should i do?

​",3.161130845536136,4.691244213698631,4.5131412376003786,85.12301369863015,73.98630136986301,7.5550307038261675,24.64100141709967,8.216663640201805,1.4589480396787913,1418,44,285,23,29,470,167,365,0.236,0.6779999999999999,0.086,-0.9957,0,1,1,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,2,2,21,19,4,0,12,0,36,11,3,7,6,58,70,31,3,11,12,2,5,2,1,8,6,2,1,1,17,14,5,0,10,1,0,5,11,12,1,1,13,8,53,7,48,45,8,42,0,3,1,0,18,13,1,3,26,216,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015690480959783,0.0,0.0,0.08196992774926383,0.0,0.0,0.06585464004022629,0.08575313152604361,0.09616934114559234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743589487365306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673462178579037,0.0,0.0,0.06999695932154085,0.08640539534830527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163095307304276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693661711698207,0.0,0.0,0.13633424090080096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141311661937956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551374295512044,0.0,0.0,0.08098467529205104,0.0,0.0,0.07009861646612467,0.0,0.0,0.05227425607370582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005365005677042,0.0,0.07599121910531073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061146914853800076,0.0,0.16539912937012846,0.0,0.17991878032398784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591468536052367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097947960611726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512352788746605,0.0,0.08699159505479122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180433073172147,0.0773320990496457,0.0,0.0,0.07004047269909633,0.0,0.0,0.08639567055384009,0.0,0.0,0.1497770517065364,0.10565925842104153,0.0,0.0,0.08621166187600783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312356358604526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304893493740033,0.0,0.05363042329219081,0.060193028018493834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460668296612502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481722050027352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146137018364494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35491436226278833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293895557342145,0.0,0.0800985516477826,0.06306799232156868,0.0,0.08256506944166801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609293729799012,0.07827602444349806,0.0885958902132848,0.3921326431682912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657133711321101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059506882935304525,0.12722684896567066,0.06917586116973026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050712658338461926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608658831133194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466815304701655,0.0,0.0,0.09637679043505362,0.07116049239458846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803751741588846,0.08065509996988167,0.22488818734798185,0.0,0.09616934114559234,0.101933043783118
suicidewatch,frank_the_tank__,2019/02/05,I wish people would just encourage me I hate feeling like this. I would rather some one just talk me into committing suicide than talking me down. I am sick of feeling alone no matter how many people are around. I am sick of feeling like absolute shit the second i am alone and pretending to be happy when i am around other people. Ive been single so long that i dont have a clue how to get a girl to like me anymore. I guess i hate myself so much that i couldnt see how anyone else could like me. ,3.706359890109887,4.313722740384616,4.840824175824178,86.81846153846153,71.59615384615384,7.481318681318682,24.472527472527474,7.447530270364453,0.9907489010989012,391,10,83,4,7,129,63,104,0.231,0.54,0.229,-0.743,0,3,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,3,0,3,0,14,3,1,3,1,22,23,7,1,6,3,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,4,18,6,10,17,3,6,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,2,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147225456486743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506810245421793,0.10623812792819724,0.1556777703305261,0.0,0.2705129084038558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130961082176205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806944277858558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692415985622554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304722682924485,0.2170881465785904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938099445852681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737612073328054,0.0,0.0,0.16174013447380908,0.0,0.3000133551274499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969156584803566,0.0,0.0,0.13445977367287626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540406255187672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169143447896286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295668061562878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160026836448468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107439665623836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596150650704496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619480060920278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424297349520885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747204543092521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158638684694598,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway420609,2019/02/05,"I need a miracle or I'm gonna off myself. [This post might need a trigger warning, so I'll put it in the title.] [Throwaway because people know my real account.] Hey y'all. I don't know where to start with this. I got dumped about 4 months ago and it's been killing me. I've always struggled with depression to a point where I dropped out of high school (got a GED) because of it. But when I was with my ex, I went back to school (college) and *I actually did well.* I did very well in fact. I had straight 100's in my 4 classes. But since she broke up with me, I've completely lost it. This semester I only signed up for one class, and I can't even handle just one. I'm staying up all night and then skipping class the next morning. I barely eat two meals a day. I'm smoking weed all day just for something to do. I don't care about myself anymore. My life is meaningless without her. She ***was*** my miracle. Now, I'm completely alone and lost and afraid. The only reason I haven't offed myself yet is because I don't want to hurt her. I couldn't give a single fuck about my family or my friends or anyone else. I just don't want to hurt her. We don't talk anymore at all and I miss her so much. Lately my suicidal thoughts and ideas have become a lot more clear, I guess. I have several different plans or ways that I could do it.

I can't admit myself, as I just turned 18 and I have no money or health insurance. I see a therapist once a month, that's as often as I can afford. I can't tell my family because whenever I try to open up to them they all shut me down in ways that cause even more self hatred and anxiety. For example the last time I opened up to my mother, she immediately just got angry and started verbally assaulting me with things like ""you're the reason I have issues"" and when I tried to calm myself down using like breathing techniques, she just mocked me for it. In that situation, I ran for the kitchen knife but I just stood there. I don't know what I intended to do with it but I believe I would have slit my wrist had I not froze. 

Lately my mind has been racing with images of myself bleeding out in the tub, or hanging in the woods nearby my house, or overdosing on my leftover pain killers from a recent surgery. I *could* do all of these things, and to be quite frank, I want to. 

I think that my mental health is the worst it has ever been. I don't even want to get better. I don't want to change. I don't want to stop doing the things that are ruining my life. What I want is to destroy myself entirely. My only issue lately is that I'm not getting there. I'm only partially destroying myself. It's not enough.",1.1569200198708387,3.201516584699455,2.940067560854448,91.76247093889715,81.69581056466302,6.032800132472262,21.275078655406524,7.2051791320715415,0.5712095446265937,2051,62,449,28,55,681,251,549,0.145,0.8009999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9907,2,1,1,0,0,0,76.0,1,1,2,5,28,27,7,2,20,0,47,12,2,6,8,89,89,32,2,13,22,2,1,2,1,3,6,0,1,1,25,25,3,1,9,0,2,4,19,19,2,3,18,2,87,8,61,64,12,59,0,8,1,1,21,27,1,11,25,309,112,6,0.0,0.0,0.07167192359543365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510474108887894,0.0,0.0,0.07606708046304597,0.0,0.0,0.06111229252425211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056185379317858115,0.0,0.1456758122552691,0.05135459367044296,0.07525328989464218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647482765665804,0.0,0.17908605638354325,0.08111445649090189,0.0,0.08274759320583094,0.0,0.06495631365160039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488227939295028,0.075448454962058,0.07769528635844385,0.0,0.15401179612447316,0.0,0.0,0.11728003671679295,0.0,0.0,0.09473216001626472,0.0,0.0632582457812564,0.0,0.0,0.07673460519033985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515277835253946,0.061354042879823725,0.0,0.0,0.07588852790847943,0.0,0.145529591842546,0.06643539099128858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847520199168192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056743581700824476,0.0678989067551629,0.07674417452703139,0.07045533118123913,0.0,0.0,0.17622251471888575,0.0,0.08090817146365807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561376328152818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759888946169807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474590339754187,0.1572492178259877,0.08291069448174727,0.0,0.15331542067817494,0.0,0.0,0.08125623538144447,0.0,0.12109068854280425,0.059867643100238864,0.24854816432218124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037530379177776,0.07176323271601849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034823023829706,0.06244048522220735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401549019536974,0.07791375400483809,0.07415871822372616,0.0,0.11724652075986465,0.0,0.05399067496758527,0.1089173749067136,0.0,0.0,0.07810980667936697,0.06892334776383313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821674427418247,0.09953674074992536,0.22343354600008286,0.0781508743350765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050917656193134736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942945648584972,0.0,0.07034020240884283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383271478349301,0.0,0.07811801401044659,0.0,0.08359672029143418,0.0,0.15102780206825014,0.0725182775332982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866093311202272,0.05852631786186509,0.0,0.07661936460243793,0.08297217411975367,0.0,0.0607546309387704,0.08255548548063436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565417055289122,0.0,0.0,0.10396978550235002,0.07828281427415472,0.0,0.06140347842246795,0.0,0.07678087290881365,0.0,0.08033713151642058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903247217037093,0.06419434470888169,0.0,0.0,0.08527554154926438,0.14638118824526844,0.04706072053798276,0.0,0.05830728732636805,0.04282648853901781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997289436254282,0.0798872906158687,0.07174529139101217,0.0,0.0,0.06343307417964415,0.0,0.06059998433414409,0.3032391856793935,0.11659476720348118,0.0,0.0,0.13207211594297755,0.06808443905906822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707985548583594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217336501294259,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DiscombobulatedBabe,2019/02/05,please help me im too scared to kill myself but i want to die. i don’t want my sister to find me. ,-2.907499999999999,-1.3696734166666662,0.3133333333333326,107.065,95.66666666666669,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.5349000000000004,74,0,22,0,3,26,18,24,0.343,0.44,0.217,-0.775,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591297253937443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31626974506695754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193998401025914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737772082911637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828364872244874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37984254648741983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464414276048072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082008479167951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway645748796,2019/02/05,If I have determined that life will continue to be more painful then pleasurable and don't see the possible consequences from dying as too costly then for what reason is it worth not killing my self? I'm trying to keep a calm and rational outlook on this and see absolutely nothing wrong with the reasoning,13.560526315789476,9.053021280701754,12.086403508771934,59.17065789473683,55.49122807017544,17.0140350877193,49.55263157894736,14.554592549557764,6.869673684210527,251,12,43,8,2,80,50,57,0.069,0.68,0.251,0.9005,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,9,9,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,2,7,7,1,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256065319698778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193037044592514,0.2729686254347664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427169750202556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674273336041385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625366120350993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781494099879774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073561596777899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932214792751708,0.0,0.25739172555843903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751251476087345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697589775850459,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strika714,2019/02/05,Fuck day jobs I swear if I cant find some way to live without waking up to the same bs every day imma off my self in 10 years this shit is frustrating there's no goals for better jobs because I no I'm not built for it ,0.9282000000000004,1.9413040200000005,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,78.8,5.8000000000000025,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.43200000000000005,171,3,43,1,4,58,42,50,0.289,0.659,0.052000000000000005,-0.9072,2,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,8,4,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,3,24,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162617979125688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359327056676037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440837937056031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247617244623097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438191435289697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466207190965374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5294478641572637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355591227824835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27829494903518776,0.0,0.273831299704068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174630568281905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571527487640527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178845373990695
suicidewatch,notreallyme787,2019/02/05,"I need help but I don’t know where to start I’ve been in really depressive state for a few months now since I can’t afford my medicine or counseling anymore even with insurance, I’ve started ending relationships and spending less time with people and a lot more time alone, I’ve been here before but not to this degree, and suicide seems like a rational option sometimes, I don’t know what to do anymore. ",11.232489451476798,7.413745835443036,10.214177215189872,68.73451476793251,59.0,13.571308016877634,41.52320675105485,11.20814326018867,4.442743459915612,327,12,61,6,3,104,55,79,0.16399999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.064,-0.8722,1,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,15,12,6,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,7,10,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,4,8,38,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282215475548145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437066325036012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875060584231454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979162418116885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951693159994771,0.0,0.0,0.14554254158806365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769945603045798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220292725394654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765442769913172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733812420221105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758854306642763,0.0,0.0,0.16339060014860154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276656108691505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116519353782345,0.0,0.0,0.2365790357606875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060311218653148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228011131180166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179369425526187,0.0,0.31193711132131285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24103284060835356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569817963622629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jadenent0623,2019/02/05,"How do people even do it? How do people wake up in the morning and go, “Hell yeah, another day, let’s get shit done,” or “Ready for another day,” in a non sarcastic way. How can people be happy to wake up and see the light indicating they’re still alive? I wake up everyday wishing I hadn’t, wishing I was just dead somehow. I can’t find the courage to kill myself because I’ve got a 3 year old brother, what the hell’s he gonna do when he finds out I existed at some point? I wanna be here for him and my mom, because she went through so much for me. But for some reason, they’re not enough for me. Like, I know they should be, and I love them with everything, I’d die for them any day (not just because I want to) but I still struggle to find reasons to live for them, do you understand what I’m saying? Almost as though I recognize they’re important to me, but a part of me just can’t figure out why or for what reason SHOULD they be important to me. I’ve got nothing, I have nobody, and I have no will to continue. Yet, I stay teetering on the edge of wanting to kill myself and wanting to just somehow make it out of this slump for my mom and brother. What the hell is wrong with me?",3.1410382001406134,3.6532189322709168,4.553892664635576,88.7109749238341,72.82470119521912,7.977595500351535,26.71689711741271,8.124751697461798,1.4101926880712448,916,30,210,13,17,306,130,251,0.145,0.7709999999999999,0.084,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,1,5,0,17,12,6,1,9,1,22,5,4,7,0,49,39,19,4,8,11,4,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,6,3,32,4,37,24,5,26,3,0,1,1,16,11,4,7,12,144,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981070140724633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457395378096349,0.229980439939678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005469016427872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216884843901704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381189344061465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222234996073943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331021111387338,0.0,0.0724307491064676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855717857701536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30068737822734903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057293894459944004,0.0,0.062323469600476064,0.0,0.17541351678254122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167372903009049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426496188328696,0.0,0.06026739421122412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121368749171986,0.0,0.053575337889493466,0.0,0.09683359835468024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897428070024084,0.0,0.07320026923653691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568697327801372,0.0,0.0,0.08061422388026113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522369360189407,0.0,0.11507187326642634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875331256093165,0.0,0.22807757107736956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036660821965172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382525516318307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720766286437225,0.0,0.0,0.08738645504684515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256651739601216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688515321696592,0.17515250794961465,0.0,0.0,0.11464258378153427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774240634207363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416206043214205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404455320931255,0.08704463013521703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165781806515538,0.09895294236740224,0.0,0.25221188868874084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989823552706935,0.0,0.07061876413414253
suicidewatch,greasytransboy,2019/02/05,"Death is all I want Sitting with a noose around my neck, trying to decide where I can hang it. Im done with this life. ",1.5549999999999995,2.5027298846153845,2.6415384615384627,99.27846153846157,77.07692307692308,5.2,16.846153846153847,3.1291,-1.095246153846154,91,1,23,0,2,29,23,26,0.155,0.794,0.052000000000000005,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285894979855793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926869705966848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.520044885655197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400599330696156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32687060133354995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283969646316531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeetforspeed,2019/02/05,"I am starting to lose mental stability and the only way to fix it is by taking my life. Im 16 and i have suffered from depression for 2 years (there were times when i was happy).But this summer i started to feel as if someone is watchinh me and it can pop up anywhere anytime,while holding a door handle i try to do it as quickly as possible because i am too scared of that ""thing"" to the point where i just freak out for a couple minutes.And after being lied on a multiple times in 2 months by girls,i just lost all hope.I feel numb now.I dont even feel sad or depressed.I feel numb.As if someone took control of me.It makes me wanna kill my self because im not meant for this world.In school everybody makes fun of me because im not ur average highschooler kid.They make fun of me being uncircumcisef for 5 years now.Every single english and foreign language teachers thinks that im a nazi or a cyber abuser.Even my family makes fun of me.Im just sick of this shit.I want to die but voices in my head say suffer till we say so.i need help.",1.4844227005870856,3.4584859223744284,3.348375733855189,89.63082191780823,80.18721461187216,5.815264187866927,23.67058056099152,6.868970318607317,0.7982005218525767,823,29,173,9,21,276,133,219,0.133,0.805,0.062,-0.9122,1,0,0,0,1,1,22.0,1,0,0,3,9,13,1,1,7,0,12,4,1,5,1,32,29,14,2,5,10,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,9,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,5,7,16,3,30,22,2,21,0,6,0,0,6,7,0,4,12,96,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006908788033619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230836138080551,0.0,0.12142608338958615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451957115864752,0.0,0.11389360157533515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861537433513912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449654975618079,0.0,0.09246133842071702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345383867915496,0.0,0.2219529384923503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126256982906817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355693015745615,0.0,0.0,0.1089973539194704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.59269435845753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141191124360814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751315681679072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227718598118398,0.1197950225380949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930112854675787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059289276776524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875940418928715,0.0,0.0,0.08137139625644338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346280666480853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374050642366953,0.12371623817255414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745405424394163,0.10986966306270432,0.1110635259660981,0.0,0.0,0.11448356487331372,0.0,0.11264733144707803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859660099023617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535017479176622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251140753591532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290689652528871,0.07031745930876078,0.0,0.0,0.1279814601541832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219260420797489,0.0745067845872313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472795406224993,0.08710712144566599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413389258870968
suicidewatch,Romka2001,2019/02/05,TBH Today I tied a rope hard around my neck and i pulled it ....tbh it felt peaceful ,-1.9450000000000005,-0.1525388333333293,-0.13888888888888928,106.745,104.0,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-2.0579111111111112,63,1,16,0,3,20,15,18,0.08,0.7390000000000001,0.182,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817008766069511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195485748687219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847265188263119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129071512218367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gabbott-thefaggott,2019/02/05,"Failing school is pushing me to the edge I’ve had suicidal thoughts for years but for the last year my life’s been worse than ever before. My gf and I split up which put me in a monthly spiral of depression. Now that I’m failing school despite my best efforts I don’t think I can put up with the pain of living anymore. 
Everyday I have a new thought of how I’m gunna end it, it’s almost an obsession now. When I said I was gunna kill myself openly in class my teacher said people who say that never actually do it. That had just pushed me to do it to prove them wrong, the only thing that has stopped me at this point is how my family will react if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t have stopped myself last time.",6.868285714285713,4.769900000000003,7.320476190476189,80.74500000000002,65.66666666666666,10.17142857142857,32.76190476190476,8.418075326091056,2.292190476190477,560,17,122,6,7,185,94,150,0.274,0.726,0.0,-0.9934,0,0,0,2,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,4,9,8,1,1,7,0,16,2,0,3,3,19,23,6,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,14,3,0,2,4,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,9,3,19,1,16,12,1,27,0,3,0,0,6,7,0,2,16,84,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.14987222464013156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378849204485315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231039550573974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306855288647484,0.0,0.16117305622051326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227849269938033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602656625634915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892217960975367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478184440208886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991385401123987,0.0,0.0,0.25037689531095203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084783121887631,0.0,0.0,0.13561422410931384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258633517906467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845060007840813,0.14832881676171686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168047434700046,0.1634202740292506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647324676538568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518303091494628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087812538221712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921800814930381,0.12213322376413425,0.0,0.3108629383012144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568000257329192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799192790661874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203193118140336,0.0984080589214766,0.0,0.2438512160957512,0.08955391161395636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651145276551146,0.0,0.16791595540550713,0.0,0.19780136374840185
suicidewatch,WorthlessSociopath,2019/02/05,"I’m going to die tonight I just can’t deal with it anymore. My whole life is a mess. Every time I tried to fix it, it got even worse.

I’m done, I’m doing it tonight.

Farewell. Mayst thou thy peace discov‘r.",-1.6783809523809516,0.24154040000000165,0.2904761904761912,104.43000000000002,100.55555555555556,3.4603174603174613,17.539682539682538,5.288315135182226,-0.8356984126984126,158,5,40,1,7,51,34,45,0.202,0.723,0.07400000000000001,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157605447075401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282494554983298,0.0,0.0,0.33044192100659936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32582683390862793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029573580705493,0.0,0.2682600415122848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095021878643552,0.0,0.25464816419380204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224890565295575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856576618951011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616811380527415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554746881097965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32446991824890864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freckibexe,2019/02/05,"I’m slipping towards suicide at an alarming rate ha ha (My mood switches so much it’s difficult to tell though. I’m pretty ok right now, and can fake being perfectly fine for quite a while. This was written last Saturday, I just need to vent this somewhere: )

“I tied a noose around my neck and let my legs give out, turns out your eyesight goes after only a few seconds and everything is calm and peaceful. I’m gonna get the courage soon, it seems like a nice way to die. I’m pretty sure the belts will hold. I also tried to choke myself out using a belt a few times just to make sure I’m right about the timings. 7 seconds till my eyes slid shut and I couldn’t move. It’s so peaceful. It still feels like the belt is around my neck. I hope it bruises. As long as I don’t tell anyone, I haven’t made up everything for attention. My throat hurts. I also cut a lot, there was a lot of blood to clean up, it dripped all down my shoulder to my arm. I could see the white layer below the skin. I feel so calm and relaxed. This is a good high. My head feels like fluff ha ha. If I do die, I’ll never be a disappointment, or a burden, or in pain ever again, and everyone will forget about me in a year or two and I’ll be dead and I won’t have to feel and I’ll be at peace.”

(I’m good now though, I just don’t know how long that will last.)",0.5164285714285732,2.3120999547038323,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097564,82.55400696864113,5.214982578397213,19.309233449477354,6.18269132825596,-0.26109547038327463,1025,26,247,8,28,336,155,287,0.128,0.639,0.233,0.981,0,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,0,2,22,29,1,1,19,5,22,11,10,4,6,47,45,26,4,5,7,0,5,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,10,15,0,1,7,1,0,2,6,8,0,3,4,8,25,20,31,29,6,39,0,2,3,0,4,18,0,8,21,150,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308366974856655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004027549772515,0.0,0.0,0.20380562173468747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139519737450646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760413887625814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354491424595394,0.0,0.10938125006863213,0.2057569981302902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151843515391446,0.1635551698650472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059805992346157626,0.10981031520215323,0.0,0.19202446569432244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747952337776417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094412684267004,0.0,0.11369480839841595,0.0,0.0,0.12254279332208845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629098676376285,0.18661709906198815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170536083510384,0.0,0.16777317782099602,0.0,0.0,0.20260517646569587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463706290693755,0.0,0.10831453880202747,0.07640979519654882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216637829874267,0.0841488207743497,0.08487825597420579,0.0882865303578885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705979981092322,0.12180443978019047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291483812866565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175322431438032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551397305283566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121798598179247,0.10420943609917004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141610679972624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521189789828233,0.0,0.2157737526431185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010412579126566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249329213798031,0.0,0.13349707187873416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771780041821838,0.1245107845793576,0.11182082221217683,0.0,0.0,0.09886556138654694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908611734760053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371510188148181
suicidewatch,itmes1,2019/02/05,"Hello. Question. Is 5000mg of serotonin lethal, I would assume so, yes? I just picked up a packet of 100 50mg pills.",-0.963750000000001,1.0724301250000003,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,101.91666666666666,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.379716666666667,89,2,19,0,4,29,21,24,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.541,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8445146218534783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355324952565219,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadlilbetch,2019/02/05,"Unemployed for 6 years Never had a job, never been called back. Have years of experience volunteering in various jobs but no one gives a shit about volunteering. I'm still a worthless leech in their eyes.

I'm autistic. I come off as awkward and unlikeable. I've done everything I can to try and stop being so fucking innately loathed. Medded myself up. Started wearing makeup and girly clothes. Practiced with an OT for hours each week to come across as a human. Cut my hands to deter me from stimming in front of people. Bit the inside of my cheeks and my tongue to force myself to put up with lights, traffic and sound.

Makes no difference. No one will take me on. Disability employment services can't find anything. Applied for every job in my area, even things I'm not qualified for. Nothing.

Uni is hell. No assistance for r-words like me. I'm too stupid for the coursework and they know it, why would they waste time helping me?

I'm not going to survive. At this point I don't want to.",1.9880701754385937,4.75492397368421,2.961710526315791,87.92905701754387,85.57894736842105,5.903508771929825,24.23245614035088,7.333567415737692,1.3416140350877197,785,31,148,13,24,249,131,190,0.2,0.748,0.053,-0.9832,6,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,1,6,8,5,1,7,0,11,6,5,1,2,22,26,10,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,11,0,1,2,0,0,5,10,7,0,2,3,4,16,1,32,20,3,28,1,1,1,1,7,12,3,0,12,93,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252815376994485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170640872779222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620796278280106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545528913224205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26228463084338904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905965351237014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579560696645164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055387829629923,0.0,0.12826977904457126,0.0,0.13682457605529455,0.14892110864297534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914570081767633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074453834167314,0.0,0.14604363361210054,0.08652218366535966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204406879297144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992691760783014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532277062311421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366778333111828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437736144223024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162218470566416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910565542983685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483560116797175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607953957205666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063251574196784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554488071780134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439171448761386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530444576108731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627340639317158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775710656709768,0.0,0.12158002081248995,0.12728046203020793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446643747606652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011422900409674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877306935079175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336178298479266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979580554840481,0.0,0.12211870943502112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737400546895626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814778209841873,0.0,0.0,0.196076685710974
suicidewatch,wrskjfdjkk,2019/02/05,"How do I make it easier on my family? Hi, I'm killing myself because things have gone to shit and I'm just a burden on my family. I originally planned on doing it this Saturday, as it is the day before my birthday. However, one of my parents parent passed away from illness yesterday and now they're mourning, and I wish to make my death as easy as possible. Should I still go through with it since they already are mourning and one more won't make a difference, or is it better to wait until they've gotten over the parent and might be more stable? I love my family and I don't want to cause them more pain than necessary. Thanks.",4.1317760279965015,5.2051812677165366,5.4298687664042005,81.26655293088366,70.96850393700788,9.109011373578305,27.496937882764648,9.444778638647367,2.347448643919511,499,17,99,11,9,167,82,127,0.194,0.6609999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8076,4,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,2,4,9,2,0,4,0,11,4,1,6,0,20,24,12,4,3,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,6,0,2,2,0,15,3,18,18,3,15,0,2,0,1,7,5,1,2,7,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886038872689849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376648733378547,0.0,0.0,0.09327902685320584,0.0,0.1302079889664994,0.0,0.0,0.13533296444735782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719277309599458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868466452903996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987239749789042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327583848545397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696428436679639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169292969317575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810571758907866,0.0,0.3064243247569593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232909024444228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737941302159524,0.0,0.1628231176209652,0.0,0.5097288264560748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725060506708286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707191354654554,0.1265789858850216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220125585539852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087943420204962,0.0,0.0,0.10165909481261964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025463341124018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596442037982202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vio1auh,2019/02/05,"Suicide from efilism Life is suffering, I am going to kill myself for nihilism and efilism I just don't know when.

I don't see ANY problem in this.


",1.9390000000000043,4.1718869000000005,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.0,5.333333333333334,30.0,6.42735559955562,1.6380000000000008,117,6,22,1,3,39,25,30,0.34600000000000003,0.591,0.064,-0.901,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884647012061272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410777506746565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693049398989505,0.0,0.2331245023520601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996189338317249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058938858102781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33802562914379997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639965474769896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OwO-desu,2019/02/05,I just saw a post on here saying someone was suicidal. I'm worried. What should I do? He felt really guilty about something and was suicidal. Now he isn't answering questions. Can I do anything?,1.2571171171171187,3.874152054054053,3.0798648648648665,83.96502252252256,96.02702702702706,6.790990990990991,27.78828828828829,7.793537801064563,2.666066666666667,154,8,27,4,6,51,30,37,0.35200000000000004,0.648,0.0,-0.9398,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381323509650748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778469929088436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27714286812344624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241681083141117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538211097825585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301239504878048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451879217118859,0.22277630575746069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6330622398798292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293876064991435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayDoneAll,2019/02/05,"I want to buy that rope I so want to do it. I want to escape my horrible grades, my addictions, my narccistictic mother and my overweightness. I know that almost all the problems come from my addictions, but I just can't stop. It would be so easy to buy the rope, hang it up and then do it. But, deep down I know I can't do it. What if I can't a strong enough rope? What if I get caught? What if someone gets suspicious? What if I fail? Why does it have to be so difficult?",-0.7106321401370934,1.4070333366336671,1.5766336633663371,97.59675552170604,91.87128712871288,5.879969535415079,16.680121858339678,7.321109707123232,0.03936191926884991,361,9,89,7,13,121,53,101,0.193,0.6940000000000001,0.113,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,1,20,19,12,0,9,7,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,3,1,1,2,0,2,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,15,1,8,15,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,5,2,63,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224720406448476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399584584304588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064231476043568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970499835073564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476055906653253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039735501003424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633927444814915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22929701398434216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304079112831794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003444389122473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42402635861736826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623207213275286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702288503554412,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaysadgirl11,2019/02/05,"I think it's time for me to do it. The funny thing is, I've thought about suicide before and come really close to following through with it. It's always been because of low moods, feeling isolated and alone, feeling a bit hopeless and lost. This time, I was actually starting to feel really good about life. I was optimistic. I have a really wonderful and perfect boyfriend who is so unbelievably good to me. I love him so much, I was so excited about our future together.  
 I've run into a bit of a situation though. I owe a lot of money out for overdue bills and have no source of income at the minute. I moved out of my flat recently but had to leave it in a pretty bad state as I ran out of time and now I'm completely fucked with that. This has caused a lot of tension with my mum and I can't stay at home anymore but have nowhere else to go (can't live or even stay with boyfriend right now).   
I am at such a loss. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I have no excuse. My laziness, my delusions, my lies, I got myself into this mess by not being honest with anyone and always leaving everything to the last minute. I know where I went wrong, I know how to fix myself and try to be a better person, but I've run out of chances. It's my fault and I know it.

​

I think I'm going to wait until everyone is in bed tonight then go take a long walk. I'm thinking of either jumping off the pier or one of the bridges in my town. I'll walk to them and see how I feel. I'm going to transfer all of the money in my account to my mum and boyfriend and leave myself maybe £50, just in case I decide to get a train to somewhere nicer and do it or maybe get some food. For now I'm going to tidy up a little bit and write out a note, maybe watch a few episodes of my favourite show and try not to think about it.

​

I find it so strange that every other time I've thought about suicide, I've desperately craved the release but have always been too scared to follow through. This time, I desperately want to live and be a better person and grow with my boyfriend but I've fucked myself so badly and put myself in such a bad situation, I have no other option but to commit suicide, whether I want to or not.

​

It was raining earlier but it has stopped now. I hope it starts up again by the time I leave. I love the rain.",2.612699805068228,3.9170808374485615,3.941516136019061,89.58331384015597,74.98765432098766,6.844184535412606,25.1351526965562,7.3759095455046575,1.0026592592592598,1821,60,401,21,38,599,213,486,0.198,0.698,0.103,-0.9953,2,1,0,0,0,5,57.0,1,0,1,5,24,25,2,2,25,0,28,6,0,3,3,85,74,42,3,3,17,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,24,34,1,3,17,1,5,18,9,14,0,1,13,6,49,10,73,58,10,67,0,4,2,4,12,25,2,10,21,265,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0672600443122992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713846503064649,0.0,0.0,0.17205128439454656,0.22403791761519115,0.25125122016261225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683542529347143,0.04819337995463236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264640080250898,0.042015532316616463,0.0,0.05864938939503499,0.0,0.0,0.12191564884547353,0.22574201664778276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708041052823905,0.0,0.059372066687802816,0.07226567749472848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057577297159337966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045523762095613186,0.0,0.058071583157393164,0.06585999500489058,0.06194459681425937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394005185825682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299543973814482,0.0,0.08334337601457943,0.0,0.0,0.1274385630526008,0.07202006476812106,0.0,0.19585596159545374,0.11562064196111828,0.0551249524882396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913655897804448,0.06845724937778003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780699477641921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363675856070846,0.05618239508296842,0.0,0.2919229628746252,0.0,0.0,0.048683177301592565,0.0,0.06908012210654177,0.12172260396978273,0.060995718652068674,0.0,0.0,0.07523886991023743,0.1171937236297284,0.12441350293255153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773076859831846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325548149066073,0.05066719307366397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670479915770225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036384774495387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012065626464206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928782456107375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246375836254007,0.0,0.06805429958701442,0.0,0.0,0.05886086180477265,0.0,0.0,0.0690051148296056,0.0,0.05492363725361985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494730246097688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756975994535526,0.14692798219543246,0.0,0.0576236896185054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22617555472147485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182239567366957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579015377271595,0.17665529205665784,0.06771764387961406,0.10943617898240253,0.241141415414002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935899698371212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130651861928177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389339309406683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747453187265785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535775643842844,0.25125122016261225,0.0
suicidewatch,diam123,2019/02/05,"If I don't get into an apprenticeship after my college (in a month or two) I'm going to kill myself. I'm not trying to get attention, I hate the need for sympathy, but I'm just about to cry while writing this. I didn't sign up for University because my controlling mum kept telling me how I would be in debt my whole life. I followed this 'IT' path because I wear glasses and play games alot. I have done work experiences in offices and since then (Bad experience) I understand why I need to get something higher than gcses/A levels so I can make good money and not live the SAME life everyday. There is NO way I am working at this stage, and there is NO way I am working in an office with even 'decent' pay. With A levels, I HAVE TO go into an apprenticeship.

I'm starting to sign up for apprenticeships, and if they are all declined I will kill myself. I'm scared but I do not care anymore. I want to go travelling but dont want to waste time away from my family as they are not around for long. So whats the point?",2.610551646495921,4.130382287081339,4.335806360821842,85.87417393751761,75.41148325358851,7.405685336335492,24.73430903461864,8.124751697461798,1.3534951308753174,794,26,169,13,17,268,123,209,0.179,0.765,0.056,-0.9786,5,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,2,4,9,8,3,1,9,0,17,3,1,3,1,38,39,17,2,7,11,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,10,0,2,2,3,3,5,9,5,0,1,3,0,25,3,30,33,4,30,0,0,0,0,6,14,0,4,8,116,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359406320348101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202497246659284,0.0,0.0,0.12878558912175267,0.0,0.11445111233504995,0.1671181462214222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975613701809586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374021100871554,0.0,0.0,0.1505694155431543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027435180815453,0.16064977438901928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053612213113796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26816946115744394,0.12922122203040168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484661239258832,0.0,0.2337070370661591,0.11497121590573785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533225314476488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30330427058589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936389209947811,0.0,0.0,0.12103890399021235,0.12130622732281535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149799770660544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094112048474402,0.0,0.0,0.20327735339406652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957929048620598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723504421196325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338907675881996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552630621283428,0.0,0.0,0.0970217233383017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980876794418155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992898518559736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930642871916734,0.0,0.13390143643236213,0.14269892792126107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169966103223887,0.21760601297103105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368801629045448,0.15303828988127793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993746389763837,0.0,0.0,0.09737347752438197,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,temp30000,2019/02/05,"I think that's it for me. ​

So since my breakup with my girlfriend of 4 years back in October, I have been in a bad place. We lived together for a year, my first apartment and her first apartment and through that, we just fell apart. She could not hold down a job and was dishonest with me about her finances and I had to consider that this was going to be something I would deal with all my life if I stayed with her and eventually married her. 

​

This girl adored me and I adored her but I broke up with her since I thought we could not work past these things. It's not like I didn't try, I did, but things always went back to normal after she said she would work with me on these issues. 

​

Ever since I broke up with her, I felt like I've lost something so important. I have a void in my heart that I can't fill. It doesn't help that I spiraled a bit.

​

I took LSD and a few days afterwards, went to the hospital because I didn't feel normal after taking it. They sent in a psychologist and diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder. I wasn't just in the hospital, I was in the psyche ward, which I am very ashamed of myself for being there because I wasn't nuts like everyone else there. Me being there just caused me to believe that I was deranged. I had never been to the psyche ward before and I've never made such a big deal out of these kinds of things.

​

I'm a normal guy who has a stable job, a car, a place of my own and a social life. 

​

After I got out, they gave me lexapro and I stayed on that for a month. Had a one night stand and didn't feel right after that.

​

I keep feeling so guilty and defeated. I don't know how long I'm going to be like this and every time I look at the calendar, I just don't want to think of a future without her and can't fathom what is going to happen next in my life. Unless it's just the normal things I keep doing like work, gym, church and therapy.

​

That's another thing, my family treated me way different after I broke up with my girlfriend. Now a lot of them won't even hug me and didn't speak to me until months later. I don't have a church, I don't have my family there for me like I used to. I don't even have my friend group with me like I used to. 

​

I kept telling myself while I was in that relationship that as long as I had her, I would be okay. Now I don't have her and I'm not okay.

​

That leads me to now, I've planned to commit suicide on 2/16. I know it seems dramatic but I hope you don't think less of me for it. I want the pain to stop and I want things to go back to how they used to be. But I know things won't ever be the same and I feel like I have only myself to blame for it. 

​

I feel rejected by not only the people I used to have around me (save for a few friends and my grandparents) but also the world around me. I just want to be free of this horrible feeling I have. I want to feel great and wonderful again, like I'm doing something with my life that will make other people happy...that will make me happy.

​

​",2.977971794871792,4.0320696830769265,3.9783269230769243,90.65913141025645,73.7076923076923,7.078205128205129,23.541666666666664,7.413659706084162,0.758228205128205,2434,65,543,27,48,787,236,650,0.157,0.7609999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9932,4,1,3,0,0,2,111.0,3,1,4,9,31,33,0,1,29,2,59,8,1,11,6,116,111,39,1,16,19,0,8,9,4,7,6,2,0,2,39,40,0,5,17,1,2,12,26,10,0,3,30,11,108,24,83,64,9,79,2,7,1,1,39,28,0,5,44,392,147,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026046235721075662,0.027100868365198656,0.4587648837443643,0.5144898597321849,0.0,0.03415250907294977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798845164369022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513301205300023,0.027194608853628684,0.03970876757869054,0.0,0.027714690778754245,0.03669526274306095,0.0,0.0,0.03555802968396763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03345838556903944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052009026427312345,0.0,0.0,0.02100497046099928,0.0671565273816405,0.028052513187111744,0.033057887872230844,0.0,0.034028741983351735,0.03732806822889852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02720807502187883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04302438618985183,0.058922901160381576,0.02744164921137461,0.03112205284792552,0.0,0.0,0.061408238277619626,0.0,0.11527867616080616,0.023268031024044643,0.03127232985596802,0.0,0.0,0.05540809005331264,0.0,0.0,0.05032703813667835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404117886012415,0.0,0.026049222816536512,0.035908565471030336,0.0,0.032249443539595586,0.02880156388001901,0.03467139524734321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038595634214616405,0.02183099995007449,0.0,0.0,0.032349381939684015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03399464217862054,0.06464144461728183,0.057899466100748184,0.0,0.03391666706829383,0.05369889877961125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202068215599367,0.1432086130849631,0.0,0.028759927124602583,0.05764689108299855,0.027350616450065108,0.0,0.03555402768236958,0.027689868940764008,0.0,0.030818543385454426,0.04348148668467484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051994163434953035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050240019415286385,0.0,0.03463858908596138,0.030564760343349755,0.12764682954390208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02207029058428899,0.049541940486971664,0.03465680095603662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03109177244206315,0.045159906164769545,0.0,0.06805748396670347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03496801583896954,0.0,0.02781462178408221,0.030981550446459064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029650525803059567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082677908022035,0.0,0.0,0.033201036930139136,0.0,0.07522198507320489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943062213086644,0.0,0.027229997716617074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562631896357271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024488603996132827,0.0,0.0284676357879258,0.0,0.03724665994228968,0.0,0.15146653288787762,0.06260866708437457,0.0,0.02585696024963604,0.018991842401903318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036186494091827816,0.022112907745364632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252017048191768,0.0,0.026873680081973626,0.09605321747907153,0.02585256834211027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038547547290785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03139634002277473,0.03532080072843725,0.0711340942133055,0.0,0.0,0.06941042983246462,0.0,0.5144898597321849,0.041948054077023234
suicidewatch,breek,2019/02/05,"Life falling apart I'm a BPD sufferer who's had everything in the last two weeks fall apart. It started with self harming last week for the first time in years, then this past weekend my dad came up \[against my will\] to visit me as he doesn't respect boundaries as an NPD human. He retraumatised me. I've been pretending to be fine to everyone.  Today I found out Ive failed uni, a creative writing course, which has been my only passion in life. I now have 0 self esteem. I'm shit at my only passion. I don't have anything to live for anymore. I did a cry for help and all my best friends, besides one, flat out ignored me. I do't have anything left.",1.9160139860139864,4.091992000000005,3.120000000000001,90.77884615384615,79.75757575757575,5.576689976689976,26.820512820512814,6.67199483983844,1.116207925407926,512,22,105,5,13,165,93,132,0.159,0.6890000000000001,0.152,-0.2392,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,1,11,1,0,6,0,13,5,1,0,1,9,18,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,1,2,0,4,2,5,0,3,6,0,14,6,18,10,2,27,0,2,0,2,11,10,1,0,13,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769533620990493,0.0,0.0,0.2782991204320752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745321822014665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129673705064344,0.0,0.0,0.1933979411833154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857412929783383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157610581563073,0.15197035360880504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383086272043247,0.0,0.1854023181443871,0.13064123499650904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333982289762053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756675767201983,0.0,0.0,0.1837206055053953,0.0,0.238871509374974,0.0,0.0,0.14931267712452204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458214611529055,0.25720648498186016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614188992815481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528028410009536,0.0,0.17357206953541146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968526459928935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859979200466708,0.0,0.16028088647677974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651797999273996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27127324622721444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889068368060252
suicidewatch,belo64,2019/02/05,Who am I kidding I am really a failure I go to school and I see everyone laughing and having fun with each other and I try but I am so broken I don't talk to anybody my mom told me to kill my self 2 times and I am verbally and physically abused and then try to pull some bullshit that I was angry and didn't mean it I get flashbacks of my friends backstabbing me or when the people I grew up with bully me people always make fun of me like I am a clown it hurts me like crazy but I smile anyway I am so sick of life that I want to just sleep forever or just be gone of this world I go to school and no one understand that I am in pain I am failing my classes and I need a break no one cares about me they just judge me my family talks behind my back my grandfather is dying of cancer and no one tells us what is his situation because they live in another country I used to live in syria I remember seeing tanks roam the streets I remember hearing gunshots and seeing the flashes every night I am too scared to talk to people because they hurt me and backstab me I will hang myself today in the kitchen..,2.9638914027149315,3.91067723931624,4.704731020613373,85.84843891402717,73.61538461538461,7.7281045751634,26.157868275515327,8.124751697461798,1.495646857717445,870,29,187,13,17,296,129,234,0.275,0.622,0.103,-0.9954,0,2,0,1,1,1,2.0,1,0,3,1,10,13,1,1,7,0,17,6,1,2,0,31,33,20,2,2,7,1,0,2,1,1,4,1,1,2,9,15,1,0,4,0,0,6,5,6,0,3,4,4,46,7,23,27,2,20,0,3,3,0,16,7,0,3,8,136,55,4,0.0,0.1399766426151124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830198684444227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388014481133745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908424072479988,0.0,0.14403415770772998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045165611888048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261072154113548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953808872155573,0.11288788198231545,0.0,0.0,0.11137192635234386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127471072448116,0.0,0.061723300854324675,0.0,0.13428342760413922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315242419010614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529427371079997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070446307223374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344581218595931,0.11543452335003088,0.0,0.2086396597889293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788594017441619,0.0,0.0,0.12868915001883152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836420046330614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759935123495823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086643529968213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016426914081554,0.0,0.12570934428158842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457103094566957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568354213537347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26765929662997523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827880124318547,0.2391280786146455,0.2824269761878541,0.0,0.12324583909512815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327943677523359,0.11822537082537675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848694949735593,0.1032596122385004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888841408273952,0.0,0.11198295506179501,0.11288788198231545,0.0,0.16041868009429486,0.0,0.0,0.12298796003698273,0.14210793574529312,0.10203507291164612,0.0,0.0,0.06968206327380409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CastrosCajones,2019/02/05,"When your Ex rings you to tell you they had a nightmare of you hanging yourself... Thanks buddy. Really appreciate you honouring the whole no contact thing. Yeah, ""love you too best friend"".

Love to have my mood slowly improve over time only for you to just revive all those deep seated feelings of guilt and hurt. Love to just hear you tell me about how things are getting better for you. Wonderful, a new job; took my advice on your new boyfriend, fantastic. Love to hear you tell me all about how you miss me. Love to hear your voice again. Oh, you want to hang this weekend? Sure sounds great. Oh, you are firm with all your friends and partners that I will always hold a special place in your life? Dandy. You want to be best friends again? Even closer? Oh my, well sounds terrific! You can't stop thinking about me? Lovely.

So the phone call lasts an hour and a half. So its almost like we were happy again, and things are looking up. But why did the urge just come back with a vengeance? Was hoping this one person who would be the most fucked by it would have forgotten about me by now.

Some times it sucks being loved. But I guess I will see where life takes me? Thoughts?",2.178237885462554,4.745015687224672,1.934459911894276,97.36593656387669,81.55506607929516,4.865480176211454,19.21215859030837,6.152001189255117,-0.22620725991189386,919,23,193,7,25,269,143,227,0.062,0.605,0.333,0.9977,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,19,1,4,21,28,2,1,10,1,17,10,0,2,4,34,45,11,0,5,5,1,1,1,4,4,2,7,0,2,11,8,0,2,4,1,0,4,2,5,1,2,6,10,33,22,24,32,8,26,0,2,2,8,44,8,2,6,15,129,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208436010646576,0.0,0.0,0.09436172450872478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784102249475093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246011821063765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778550822741187,0.08334230242077285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622343529017986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117423454823162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224065874780073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047647534534498416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841483055426267,0.08711780122222533,0.04923336811237623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038933018006715,0.10380935917335267,0.0,0.0,0.10031382994646924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31862565147052313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359561031855243,0.0928014938264398,0.0,0.10087943057988297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351269016681707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681327550760833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312050172053275,0.04603796542234472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913281446939101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5953489580195248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202354100581308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385538743818445,0.07166919239584099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228148145282377,0.09845445827196114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603687041753261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750922860090239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878383148127803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888144162158525,0.0,0.07085222960800043,0.0,0.2470939708398527,0.08675799320646463,0.0,0.0,0.1878146183738779,0.06038133297177034,0.0,0.07481125852912891,0.10989718962755966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046974253210848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116329245209887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472767010231819,0.0,0.08503151484636964,0.10520887963426076,0.0,0.0,0.10219273763195574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338822393321238,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastchapterofme,2019/02/05,"I'm Weak 
Now i got hit by the ugly truth of how hard life is, it is not like i'm a spoiled child or anything like, it is just that i'm weak, and in a third world country with serious unemployment crisis there is no need for a weak person to be born.
Everything is a competition, be it to get a job, to get a partner, to get respect.And in such survival competition a talentless person holds nothing.I don't want a job just for living, i want it because i can't be like my parents, i don't want to be a man who got involved with drugs and criminality, developed adictions and went to prision, and i don't want to be like a woman who had three children with different fathers but is irresponsible and got involved with drugs too.I wanted to make my grandmother proud of me, she had enought of bad things happening, but if i'm making her sad with my uselessness i'm going to take my life.",6.701584699453548,5.1710565355191305,7.750928961748634,75.70814207650277,65.61202185792351,10.974863387978141,36.180327868852466,9.994966539143718,3.3279573770491804,698,29,147,13,9,239,96,183,0.246,0.722,0.032,-0.9804,6,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,13,0,0,11,0,17,7,0,3,1,28,41,10,0,7,7,2,1,4,1,0,7,0,0,7,8,10,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,6,1,12,6,22,29,0,7,0,2,0,0,15,3,0,2,6,89,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021738024752625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197677292584184,0.08905344717735611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263010974697316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388297197484453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129382340681736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897371566804406,0.0,0.0830247652171868,0.0,0.35051801849652553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918449521414746,0.0,0.13086550433227845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899381584827785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637152591964916,0.28548345451375,0.0,0.1289977406596645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950287814897878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832186367629038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221263111666526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551155481369319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983945034784287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705389448627506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43083030023716856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542436792200907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dxenim,2019/02/05,"The universe gave me a chance today to live I was going back to my place after the class I have to attend. 
It was a public transport. 4 people sitting. 
In front of me was this girl messing with her bag. 
She had lots of novels. I saw it.
So just to start the convo I said if she sells books. 
She told me she was coming back from a book fair. 
And we talked for a while. I realised she loved talking to me. I thought maybe she's just friendly. 
But her some gestures made me realize she likes me. 
After a halt I couldn't start the convo again.
As I reached near my stop and started getting off she smiled at me, I smiled back n got off. 
I didn't ask her number or even her name. I got blank. 
After a while I realised I could've stayed until she reached her stop maybe n then we couldve talked more n I'd have asked her name at least. 

I pictured in my mind what if I asked for her number and she gave n we met again. I wish I could reverse time. 
My heart bleeds thinking about it. I'm never gonna see her again. 

Just another trauma to deal with. 

Hey darling, you tried your best to convey your interest in me I hope you didn't take it on yourself. You're an amazing woman. So positive so lively. It was dreamy to spend some time with you. It's just due to my shortcomings n I'm just not that good. Ive always failed in my key moments in my life.I hope you'll have a great life ahead. I wish you the best. I wish I took your number then we'd have been talking now and maybe planning to meet tomorrow.And who knows we'd have got married one day. I'd live with this trauma for the rest of my life. 
Peace n love ",-0.8276841085271336,1.3168278401162825,0.9259302325581408,101.18874031007752,94.72674418604653,3.5643410852713187,15.887596899224805,5.148860815047168,-1.0028379844961235,1243,30,294,6,48,400,167,344,0.055,0.728,0.217,0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,5,8,0,5,17,16,0,0,14,0,20,6,1,1,1,44,55,17,0,9,10,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,2,11,12,0,3,4,3,2,6,5,4,0,1,21,3,69,12,39,28,8,48,0,1,2,2,55,12,0,8,29,188,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038153209123003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012967911968681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270932621909138,0.0,0.0,0.2228455021465044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275802278854396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321503150498201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425945657774842,0.0,0.0,0.062301018714009615,0.09959357183910177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380544771890187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746353285903338,0.0,0.05047114150652643,0.0,0.05490177763326022,0.08102611126889815,0.23178701267755655,0.10650527757502364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447515881769507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189738479784732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309054673514818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047009153757608,0.04719540337358373,0.0,0.25590696659111284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212851554683608,0.17437616953132518,0.09140820510843846,0.0,0.0,0.2911524462229043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754160975681513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450627925413084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654607722142926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697243788840769,0.0,0.10092969638092714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189168619578496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698017703276483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512855036224292,0.10296606931040303,0.0,0.1615290628925448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263352160745959,0.3105837048612919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189937673601555,0.0,0.07669208425648699,0.11266010881485528,0.0,0.09156845944746393,0.09230841816688573,0.1073296175205433,0.06558717527468448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332664512587099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YellowStarGaming,2019/02/05,"School is making me suicidal. School has been fucking me up. I used to be a happy cheerful kid but school is making me fucking suicidal. I keep getting bullied, the teachers are mean to me (except one of them) and I can't handle it. I have been thinking of committing suicide. I need help.",2.244880952380953,4.758528964285716,3.853571428571428,84.05809523809525,80.78571428571429,5.8761904761904775,28.97619047619048,7.1686216300943375,1.9341047619047609,226,11,40,3,6,75,40,56,0.292,0.573,0.134,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,9,2,0,3,1,11,19,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,10,2,6,16,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,31,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310974912530264,0.09355748445924864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062497541997925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002787309793675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916700530144934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906327597604934,0.0,0.0,0.19506139474582507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277927182066188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134350435361475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5436898510554663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5876255739020876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474180698425653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466030844267098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MesuKing,2019/02/05,"I deserve to die for what I did TL;DR: Someone was yelling very loudly in the cafeteria, me (not knowing who it was or that he was autistic) decided to comment on “someone yodeling” to one of my best friends, she informs me it was the autistic kid. She hasn’t spoken to me actively since that happened. I want to talk to her about it and tell her I feel guilty but I don’t know how to do it without making it all about how guilty *I* feel or how it makes *me* want to kill *my*self. 

It may have been an “accident”, maybe i really “didn’t know”, but intent is fucking meaningless. Intent doesn’t matter when you fuck up like that. I did it. I said it. I wonder if my best friend thinks I’m a piece of shit and if she does then she isn’t wrong. The worst part is that I don’t even have the *right* to feel this upset. You’re  not the fucking victim, you self centered cunt, just cut yourself and stop acting so traumatized because *you* were a piece of shit. It feels bad because you fucking deserve it.

This would be somewhat excusable if I didn’t do this all the time. *All* the time. Just a couple months ago I called something I didn’t like “pure cancer” *in earshot* of someone I later learned had a relative with fucking cancer. This time, no one heard me except for my friend and one other friend who didn’t seem to be that upset, but that almost makes it worse. 

I’m the most tone-deaf, hateful, stupid motherfucker I’ve ever met. I legitimately doubt that I can take into consideration the feelings of anyone but my fucking self. I keep telling myself that I should just commit the next time I fuck up like this, but I never do. I would kill myself in a heartbeat if it meant I wouldn’t make anyone else suffer for the sake of trying to be funny, but I’m too much of a coward to even attempt it. 

Part of me feels like maybe I really shouldn’t blame myself because it technically wasn’t intentional, but if shit like this happens so much and I don’t make *any* fucking effort to try and stop doing it than I deserve to feel this way. 

I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I don’t want anyone to remember me, or cry over me being gone. I want it to be like I never existed. 

Plus, anyone who would cry over me just doesn’t know the shit I’ve done. ",1.8210658647209603,3.8615322104121503,3.2141407020311554,90.67996080654704,79.39045553145336,5.752731216722538,22.190938670873603,6.7829847944221076,0.5128954446854666,1763,54,372,18,44,575,195,461,0.277,0.613,0.11,-0.9988,0,0,1,0,1,2,60.0,0,4,0,4,17,38,19,3,20,0,44,16,4,11,8,94,89,30,3,16,24,0,7,6,4,7,2,4,0,3,37,11,2,3,20,0,0,2,21,26,0,3,20,11,57,12,45,57,15,32,0,1,0,8,31,14,13,15,21,264,94,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057423507248336225,0.0,0.06486775137837235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405257985945758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118255798570584,0.06637470275516216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054088543132325126,0.11846774848674956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359650985686946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614756046133052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167777027287402,0.14231544212822494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723134915811052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668936108688893,0.0662923686221857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411532658143247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557307739548888,0.05859716346811453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22928278473581026,0.04627880130294232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001952804417465,0.4791040773987775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456937208309635,0.0,0.0,0.06395677824420476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757938616408966,0.1433388089211196,0.0,0.14240544113883835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898892359501104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620556124379034,0.0,0.1301603113069695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170672920352309,0.0,0.09524141755240896,0.0,0.09992456489220564,0.0,0.06889419994613798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316896893759122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030072216718076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299937530534399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733830426938106,0.055321713879951454,0.061620556362810365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897322342185155,0.2027388127972711,0.0,0.2659827055249788,0.05358663488607921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646634960658833,0.0498707618365354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831785916948987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870645209954985,0.05206766107762848,0.11324104380233355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041508369156027486,0.0,0.0,0.1510948133060719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879626525098328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345023390708497,0.1910444318055388,0.05141930025101391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232448837114366,0.0,0.06244554943442041,0.07025108042373701,0.0,0.0,0.06601629205714576,0.13805342992920222,0.07082669387595981,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tetrakt1406,2019/02/05,I quit I absolutely hate myself. People around me just seem to hate me. I've been fighting anxiety depression and borderline personality disorder for 3 years. I've not had a stable improvement ever. There's nothing more I can do to improve myself. I've tried everything. And now I've got IBS which stops me from going out and enjoying and relaxing. All I can do is stay in my room and rot. I can't take it anymore. My room is 11 floors up. There's no grill on the window. I can be free . Finally be free. Bye world. Fuck you🖕,0.27236760124610626,2.691620411214956,2.9620934579439258,86.53111526479753,92.55140186915888,6.9654828660436126,21.15202492211838,8.021203637495839,1.5275064174454829,412,15,85,11,15,143,76,107,0.249,0.618,0.133,-0.9033,0,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,4,0,2,0,12,1,0,0,2,13,19,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,7,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,13,6,9,14,2,16,0,1,0,1,3,9,1,1,6,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954515777984855,0.0,0.21979586925808045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729630863876074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908882594025783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540054049185443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047562167483374,0.0,0.0,0.1991853603554912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427831340818877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489193093734864,0.0,0.0,0.12595655567873967,0.0,0.17725651776979148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376244213869965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265847532000007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364926174488291,0.19351741410748224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572913757369454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176221728032687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362264393104059,0.0,0.18529130823292145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663701255003702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047116961277315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272145555513108
suicidewatch,Sylb0y18,2019/02/05,"Walking closer towards the edge I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 years ago. I’ve been walking closer towards the edge ever since. My depression and anxiety are eating me alive, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to kill myself so bad but I just don’t have the balls to do it...",2.5464999999999978,4.175020650000004,3.84,88.905,75.83333333333334,6.133333333333334,25.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.9442333333333341,229,8,47,2,5,75,42,60,0.184,0.765,0.05,-0.7843,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,9,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,0,8,8,0,10,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30171799049953074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603825690681346,0.0,0.33755616413590706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841952246552333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931606896891009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482840863160752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078846844744802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37656962680148265,0.0,0.18705877433955587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815580686414502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200759392181368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918749992755948
suicidewatch,GandalfTheWhey,2019/02/05,"I found a Redditor who is saying ""goodbye"" in of the various sports subreddits as well as a radio show and the marine corps subreddit that he is involved in I figured I'd post it here because I'm not sure what else to do. Other Redditors have given him the suicide hotline number. The last time he posted was 3 hours ago.

Here is the Redditor's account: https://www.reddit.com/user/rhymeswithorange17

I am subbed to two of the subreddits he posted in which is why it caught my attention.",5.831075441412523,7.968074483146068,6.074189406099521,74.15921348314609,68.21348314606742,9.130658105939006,30.69181380417336,9.606745405546679,3.1510532905296937,395,16,65,9,7,126,64,89,0.075,0.885,0.04,-0.6202,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,12,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,4,1,5,2,9,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564402075003368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141818275839033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937968242566616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543636794158749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22846217848209002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891017863530701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6665432563802883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844867575194888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537580284361661,0.0,0.2186466421245016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527449998988253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266192898515461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858573812927672,0.0,0.20933375445190355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oknotoknotoknotok,2019/02/05,Can’t handle school I’m 16 doing GCSEs and I can’t take the pressure teachers keep putting on me. I keep trying to tell people that it’s too much but they don’t care well people in the school don’t. They know from CAMS that I have stabbed myself and drunk bleach before yet they haven’t left me alone they just keep giving me homework and I can’t take when people shout at me when I haven’t done it. People have bullied me as my dad killed himself a couple years ago. I hate those people and I imagine shooting myself at the front of the classroom like Jeremy delle. Maybe people would finally realise that they should have stopped the abuse and pressure idk. Unfortunately I don’t have a gun,2.111103117505994,4.610330230215826,2.5405467625899303,93.3530743405276,81.23021582733813,4.282206235011992,20.05803357314149,5.2151,-0.25885074340527536,558,15,111,2,15,171,82,139,0.28800000000000003,0.629,0.08199999999999999,-0.9877,0,1,0,2,1,0,6.0,0,0,5,0,6,7,2,2,7,0,16,1,0,0,0,15,26,9,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,6,5,1,4,2,1,0,2,8,4,1,0,1,1,22,3,8,23,1,14,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,8,72,28,4,0.0,0.1670261332373951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496120096332962,0.0,0.0,0.1460021738733272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995489662352347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372808196933393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598037606683274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426102470381744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544254992685094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523105462715182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917846892524555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759012427443348,0.15596217094485554,0.0,0.07747330231617634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316407430301604,0.0,0.0,0.068870711988258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162308780913951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362900569038123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5863841583622152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417135611849361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853378790439708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785704510401908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21198345558034448,0.0,0.12321379788492992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570922453423657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267487585848164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014088438528698,0.0,0.0,0.09077991399104243
suicidewatch,SomeonesGottaGo,2019/02/05,"I dont want a better life I'm a college student of 19 years of age. I'm great in studies. I have a loving family. A loving girlfriend. The best mates one could have. Yet I'm not happy. I dont want to be alive. Thats it. I keep trying to figure out whats wrong with me, with my life. And theres nothing i can pin point to. I know with the pace I'm at, I'd live a good life. I'd get a good job, because i trust my skills. Yet i dont want anything of the sort. No luxury in the world attracts me. Nothing makes me want to live. Its been over a year and I've just been living for the sake of living. And the only thing i hate is the impact my death would have on the people around me. That's the only thing keeping me here, thats it. I cant do such a thing to my family and friends. But i know a point will come where I'd do it anyway. So i need an explanation. A reason. Why cant i want to be better. Why dont i want to live anymore. ",-1.8844202146071325,-0.08081358878504652,1.2310176531671893,100.35373658705434,93.76635514018692,3.9180339217722393,14.000692281066112,5.3279370663704135,-1.2117945309795777,708,13,184,4,27,249,105,214,0.134,0.706,0.16,0.911,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,4,10,14,1,0,20,0,20,5,0,2,0,30,41,6,1,9,3,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,2,0,23,12,22,34,1,17,0,0,0,2,5,11,0,1,5,114,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946850618451914,0.0,0.0,0.07856738900773617,0.0849925580874048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820037678792452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001946107837578,0.16887889568269693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224283881181058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622862957013789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475816713738757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800097471450142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376337168788849,0.0,0.0498814923277512,0.0,0.0,0.1601589830134682,0.0,0.10526098732156823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163439412515622,0.0,0.09426131515542692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474372190942776,0.16972426737774526,0.0,0.0,0.10494059062654516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230941553955745,0.0,0.0,0.42152871950208204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233895059604867,0.0,0.06372997860818147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079314142410116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832207398214156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469600071465932,0.14522533833026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619000575347435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805085492084614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981637003273916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028707164767536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482092702103831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378800475474502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230179522737252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782235453426873,0.10438639181240714,0.0,0.12296491186561748
suicidewatch,floopydaddle,2019/02/05,"Help I thought i needed someone to talk to but that doesn't work, what do i do",3.5316666666666663,2.48161994444445,4.54111111111111,94.565,71.7777777777778,7.2,29.11111111111111,3.1291,0.6690444444444448,61,2,16,0,1,20,14,18,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35709339906699605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950299232695126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514002585807312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282070325665526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229467200860503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878508474229634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eldiablolbc,2019/02/05,"I hope I can finish the year. I haven't posted here since last year. I had decided although everything is hard I'm gonna try and follow my dreams seen as I have nothing else going on. Thats music but I have tinnitus and my hearing is getting worse its driving me insane and it just makes reaching my goal even harder. My goal is to play a few shows and release an album before my hearing it so bad that I can't make music, obviously we all know what happens then. I was feeling sad butI was coping the last few months I crashed like twice but I was talking to people and stuff, now for no reason I'm sinking again all can think about is death/ hurting myself. My self control is good but it's more intense than ever. I just want it to all stop.",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,3.564935064935068,89.09597402597406,78.0909090909091,5.43896103896104,23.98701298701299,6.18269132825596,0.6243948051948056,588,20,119,4,14,194,104,154,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.127,-0.9031,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,3,9,7,0,0,4,0,15,0,0,4,5,27,32,12,1,2,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,9,6,0,2,5,3,0,3,3,3,0,1,5,5,20,4,8,26,6,16,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,1,12,82,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506035701654404,0.0,0.0,0.1478345564963979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948570830088242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451321876938862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474945006029742,0.1571520503343253,0.0,0.0,0.15614061956729347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784496331758249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076867162353068,0.0,0.09873684796483352,0.1457195590820399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363211000966004,0.0,0.15563124293451944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916209437895605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725567342664298,0.0,0.0,0.1859854862453003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954794811267194,0.2832322568288892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487749519996386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193714666160425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867255733013475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670214132926067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044505119294968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638883078042818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862714735602567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124210699934354,0.0,0.0,0.14371428657031549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524912682482244,0.0,0.0,0.1988834859477272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964054247974933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132152023797756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795375728628943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247261944525199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704945151304802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375757391157847
suicidewatch,FraZZletasH,2019/02/05,"How do I motivate myself ? Guys I don’t really know whether this belongs in this subreddit, but I believe it does have some relevance. I don’t know how to stay motivated and do well and it’s just dragging me down. Any advice would be appreciated ",2.602499999999999,5.1265792500000025,4.8706666666666685,77.24100000000003,79.41666666666666,8.840000000000002,28.35,9.3871,3.0601200000000004,196,9,37,6,5,68,36,48,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,4,0,13,9,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,3,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,29,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351616718819078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332420482042295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864274492915007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001491112093503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33960978274866715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769919590704588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972543217277474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655771373080882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083853494048199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436472117413215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sweaty_General,2019/02/05,"I don't really want to be talked out of it. I know it's all bullshit, but if someone could just say something nice to me, I'd appreciate it. ",2.880967741935482,2.964654032258068,5.300161290322581,84.6702419354839,73.19354838709677,8.780645161290323,28.403225806451612,8.841846274778883,1.895954838709677,109,4,26,2,2,39,26,31,0.11,0.669,0.221,0.6839,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856231429343256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654351823389311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094116930084469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38408798317425225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092304783981855,0.3718244093933548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882039619154041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848762698144433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,americanprayerr,2019/02/05,Please anyone i can talk i am in dark place now please text me ,-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,-0.21714285714285708,109.08714285714287,96.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.741028571428572,49,0,13,0,2,15,12,14,0.0,0.685,0.315,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634117402139117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935927527248321,0.8270519872299987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302793676517324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alphased,2019/02/05,"someone please talk to me.. can someone please contact me via snapchat, please. sc:suke.lalyers",5.248000000000001,8.464975133333333,2.0933333333333337,88.96000000000002,97.66666666666666,4.666666666666667,38.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,3.176333333333334,77,5,11,1,3,20,11,15,0.0,0.615,0.385,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8689495885361088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471521447614149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120885947385991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShahIAm,2019/02/05,"I miss my bestfriend. I feel alone without her. The only person who had kept me under some sort of control for the past year and a half, my former bestfriend, cut complete ties with me a few days ago. Told me to never contact her again. Now I feel like I'm in hell. I have a family. I have a handful of friends. But I can't build a real, trusting relationship with them. I’ve tried so hard. I have some really bad trust and attachment issues because of my dad leaving when I was 5. And then when I was 12, my mom also left(but thankfully my dad took me in and raised me from then on). This has left me in a way that I can only do one of two things. Either not get attached at all, or get extremely attached. But because of the extreme attachment leading to hurt in previous relationships, I had purposefully put space between me and others.


She was the first person in a long time who I really opened up to and let in. I thought she was doing the same to me. We were so insanely close. Then I did one dumbass thing, which I didn't realize was a dumbass thing, and she just turned cold on me. It's like, all the stuff she told me about how much she needed me, how much she loved me and how she would be devastated with me, just disappeared. I've spent the last several weeks trying to fix things, with her warming up a bit, then turning cold, then warming up, then turning cold. I can't put all the blame on her for this. Me going from begging and pleading for forgiveness, to yelling and screaming at her for abandoning me, and then back to the other one, made the situation way worse. But I was at such a low point, I was actually planning my suicide and I was just desperate to have her back. It was so painful and anger inducing that this person, who I gave everything to, didn't even care about it. I put her in front of me. I have suffered, so that I could make sure she didn't. I'm not an innocent angel in all of this. I'm clingy, I'm needy, I'm unstable and high maintenance. I also have extreme mood swings. But I also loved her. Fully and completely. I thought she knew this. 


I was willing to do anything it took to make her want to stay. I tried everything I knew. But it all failed. After one too many fights, things are at a definite end. There is no going back. Now I'm feeling so isolated and alone. The only person I could talk to, hates me. It feels like no one else is even trying to understand me.


To them, ""she's just some girl. Just move on."" They don't know her like I do. She's amazing, in every way. The day after I attempted suicide last March 25th, I was in the emergency room, alone. I was so scared and I had no one to talk to. She called and texted me as much as she could(she works as a waitress). Kept telling me that things will be okay and that she would be there for me. That’s what made her so special. When everyone else was freaked out and pushed away, she would run forward and try to help me. And I lost that.


All I can think about is that it took me 23 years to meet this one person who I got along with on such a deep level. Is it going to take another 23 to meet the next? And even if I do, they will never be able to replace her. It was nice to be in a relationship(whether it be friends, romantic, or familial) where I felt like I could just fully and completely be myself. I just miss her so much. The depression and stress I'm feeling from this is making my bipolar disorder spin out of control as well, which is just fucking annoying as well. When I met her, I was at a point where all I could think about was killing myself. I felt there was no hope. Nothing would get better. Now, without her, I'm basically back in that headspace and it sucks. I just feel so hopeless and empty. It hurts to breathe. Every morning, I wake up and I feel ok for about a minute. Then reality comes crashing in and I just cry till I can’t.


I do go to a psychiatrist, who is also a therapist. This is my 5th Psych and 3th Therapist in the last 2.5 years. They've tried over 2 dozen meds and a stupid amount of hours of therapy. Nothing has worked so far. I'm basically giving up at this point. I even told my psych that a few days ago. All this time and nothing has changed. Why should I believe it will now? I think any day now, I'll just end it all. I can’t go on without her.",1.772463263565566,3.6460526795017003,3.2010058302923565,91.52925031108877,78.83012457531144,6.670799602924934,23.472015994854804,7.662118739084242,0.9552968387791348,3328,111,740,51,81,1088,331,883,0.165,0.748,0.087,-0.9971,0,4,0,0,2,4,125.0,1,0,4,11,62,54,10,2,37,2,77,8,3,12,12,134,148,75,3,13,25,3,13,5,2,9,2,2,1,6,51,44,0,5,21,0,1,19,19,27,2,11,46,18,126,26,103,81,22,125,2,11,0,3,72,52,3,8,57,537,177,6,0.04849603373599173,0.0,0.047325133289358716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597761564743846,0.0,0.0,0.15068179593586548,0.0,0.15512904263015276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03297896594033162,0.05085231981926392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990810363485101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045563620086774295,0.14916182584585658,0.04049216248887067,0.059125464083098565,0.0,0.0,0.054638422988958,0.0,0.0428908008511053,0.05294510847708636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049519872626072936,0.0,0.04944493848506325,0.0,0.051302373348083456,0.0417750389312658,0.15254150608960226,0.0,0.10878485107272692,0.1936006839000457,0.0,0.05327061586067749,0.12510371913177507,0.0,0.04176956279487533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055580656160771534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102442662258001,0.0,0.08590618300933305,0.0,0.0,0.12812469162254134,0.0,0.08172000007871431,0.046340038486608615,0.08717021615920488,0.0,0.09143548913963773,0.0,0.1716473625978412,0.06929115238191644,0.09312759516042483,0.0,0.0,0.04125070152162425,0.0,0.0,0.07493583072962831,0.04483380173424772,0.07601152808123385,0.04652181456603862,0.13780706781850058,0.0,0.03878670837566575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344292063565475,0.04787979314941628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0325058691607175,0.05123872225908903,0.0,0.04816750396987006,0.0477588244478691,0.0,0.10383201426641216,0.0,0.0,0.05061725955525355,0.0,0.0,0.05365367604370209,0.0,0.02665215186045108,0.11859222052269873,0.0,0.05135029745192972,0.10538216510326932,0.04959048020186303,0.0,0.1184635622706107,0.0,0.0,0.04291746377516915,0.0,0.0,0.0529391495864893,0.0,0.08753912771660723,0.09177623941207136,0.09711443728994404,0.0491673664548172,0.0,0.0,0.05386816083247231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056797968586591814,0.0,0.051543609005439264,0.14260065928445134,0.035959194524225656,0.07480626180568674,0.0,0.0515760820537346,0.0,0.0,0.1395997569448404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300351728270815,0.11065025691359084,0.05160319911970462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629495164160166,0.0,0.2117243303952301,0.0,0.0,0.13753328155168607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625572579720594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519910352451346,0.062135602046382486,0.0,0.0,0.15619977329543658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048552989971215724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478671427447774,0.0,0.0,0.054511573823416384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169031935995815,0.0,0.0,0.05555204279358407,0.0,0.05551635605329395,0.10609357936478138,0.0,0.04570693786918758,0.0,0.036462981963599934,0.07795854983976336,0.04238767103446938,0.044648632216483394,0.055459441048355415,0.11261526599792013,0.1933116594962829,0.09322290070202012,0.0,0.07700086745368477,0.056556854532458525,0.0,0.0,0.13902011545982582,0.16164263364354298,0.19755374126086792,0.15824927615432086,0.04737357821075499,0.050486081423656126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028604217186395886,0.11548168282519873,0.03890059302735183,0.0,0.08720751693634285,0.0,0.043760127371216234,0.0,0.0,0.1402453378094893,0.0,0.07061138028955229,0.0,0.04942160150904728,0.1378007637874636,0.0,0.0,0.09368956716316837
suicidewatch,kk309390,2019/02/05,"Does anyone else feel suicidal for no reason? Does anyone else feel suicidal for no reason? I see quite a lot of posts from people who feel suicidal because of a breakup, school, parents etc., but I can’t find a concrete reason why I want to die. I just don’t want to exist in this world.",1.6748850574712648,3.948209706896552,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,81.24137931034483,5.935632183908046,21.735632183908052,7.1686216300943375,0.7704045977011496,225,7,45,3,6,74,38,58,0.281,0.6709999999999999,0.047,-0.9356,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,12,8,1,4,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,8,8,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514231822834555,0.3006086357603044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942269362661907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224417821722355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567440725318745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508636305874196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636014759009358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225171712213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407474800338115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471314613047622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288522089240007,0.0,0.0,0.10169845853755967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049134805155794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560260664541167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524745191058385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846115151983785,0.1168953317068322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48137501110964903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730466687783368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236761938911187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maybelatermaybenot,2019/02/05,"Any positive/happy music recommendations? I noticed that I mostly listen to sad/depressing kinda music which I feel makes me even more depressed. I decided that I should try to listen to more happy music. I mostly listen to hip hop, but I'm open to all genres. Got any recommendations?

​

​",4.788333333333334,8.024366722222222,6.2755555555555596,66.10000000000002,76.22222222222223,7.303703703703704,25.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,2.5848,249,9,33,5,6,84,33,54,0.048,0.893,0.059,0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,10,8,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,1,5,6,5,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997090139241935,0.4482606271628664,0.2508684272139357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177378133299571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182931968202225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326486630523843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752373595663765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927068222910881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312366103682668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000070931284728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523132787630692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482606271628664,0.0
suicidewatch,crimmhasacorns,2019/02/05,"Feeling Terrible Lost, Hopeless. Idk what to do anymore",4.369999999999997,7.023499888888887,4.520555555555556,70.66750000000002,105.66666666666669,6.2444444444444445,48.944444444444436,7.1686216300943375,5.975177777777778,45,4,5,1,2,14,9,9,0.6409999999999999,0.261,0.098,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360882345721511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243069229661487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.700154823989032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tuckyouinandtalk,2019/02/05,"My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. Its time. My final push I have my plan in order. I cut myself as my boyfriend told me every sordid detail of their encounters. Every little fucking detail.

I've been through multiple traumas in my life and I'm not even quite 21 yet.

I'm going to buy a shit ton of drugs and do it two weeks from now. At least that's what i want.

I'm too cowardly to go through with it though. I'll give up.

I can't break up with him. I can't stay with him. I can't forgive or forget. I can't go home to that lonely house.

I gave him everything. And he shit on it all. I sobbed and sobbed and he did nothing but carry on telling me everything.

He says he feels a little bad. Ha.",-0.9481232492997194,1.1596248692810462,1.288029878618115,98.80470588235296,94.4248366013072,4.221475256769375,17.089635854341733,5.916634753146586,-0.5099658263305322,547,15,129,5,21,182,93,153,0.158,0.7759999999999999,0.066,-0.8934,0,2,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,3,6,14,5,0,2,1,8,5,2,0,1,17,20,9,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,7,9,0,0,2,0,1,4,5,10,0,1,4,2,23,4,21,16,4,22,0,3,0,1,15,10,5,1,5,79,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877078684121846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441756256183427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274024753576585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977410921888517,0.0,0.28006280757923296,0.0,0.2987412561346099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403615522763809,0.0,0.0,0.1820649326699402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840638229446294,0.15365002907549735,0.0,0.15943502188565115,0.2833673588864605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671302693160078,0.0,0.0,0.19177349302566624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739259182936355,0.0,0.3331538748072044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594742202222704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767750866344038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216960512068615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412056157766836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714801701753516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526688870807442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329151399380173,0.0,0.09691306566907557,0.0,0.0,0.15881205664939468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235410310815987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802958108311123,0.0,0.1333163153358221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mentholsandmilk,2019/02/05,"I'm fighting almost every day Things just seem to get worse and worse. I'm on antidepressants and I'm seeing a counselor. So I am trying. But I just can't seem to get over my depression. 


My ex/best friend/ co worker  broke up  with me in a really ugly way that left me really broken. I've  tried for the sake of my job and total lack of support anywhere else to keep the friendship going.  Stupid I know but I have no family or friends anymore because life and depression has pushed them all away.


I was bedridden for weeks. I was crying for months almost every other hour. Now I'm to the point where I can almost function normally in society but just feel so miserable still. Im even to the point where I think my dogs would be better off without me in it. I'm losing any drive or will. All I see is ugliness and negative aspects in the world and myself.
",2.3261921965317924,4.370427757225436,3.905487716763009,86.32042810693646,77.78612716763006,6.868352601156071,22.95122832369942,7.8658589789855275,1.2047575144508669,674,21,134,11,16,224,111,173,0.251,0.688,0.061,-0.9878,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,11,11,2,1,7,0,11,1,0,0,3,31,28,13,0,3,9,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,7,0,0,2,3,18,4,21,23,4,25,0,5,2,0,4,15,0,7,6,88,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930531138950413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897592060227122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975846336334038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292881015517115,0.0,0.0,0.07975905926444762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730886878275456,0.11571765160861798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372197405550524,0.08438119770535876,0.0,0.2253851930683694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930031831590442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641881320372209,0.0,0.2204772657753068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233446317970944,0.0,0.06615680922079273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217385036656496,0.0,0.13671735897055778,0.0,0.07435958269179996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885138302455465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413300237971533,0.0,0.1298388523882591,0.11629690946610174,0.0,0.0,0.07190643127215424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215841655085024,0.0,0.09241640435062863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463768772321747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443551426257963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281957570495652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473728327656511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763934940398129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085256283661559,0.23822427025082174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448926770322198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847607180241948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692451070153034,0.08383720931076342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177664009931981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038549749221178,0.10495223176024536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612542253298595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26667497700577464,0.09294522635935024,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BoomBoxified,2019/02/05,"I need a new coping mechanism. My dad took away my PC, which was the only thing distracting me from my life. long story short, I became aware of how shitty my life is, and how much of an embarrassment my grades are. And generally, how lonely I am.

You guys have any good alternatives for distracting yourself? Besides drugs and alcohol. I tried social media but that only compounded the issue. ",3.4145833333333333,6.309410180555558,4.800555555555559,76.67500000000003,79.1388888888889,8.044444444444443,22.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.219522222222222,311,10,52,8,8,103,56,72,0.128,0.845,0.027000000000000003,-0.6428,0,2,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,4,0,5,4,0,3,0,9,7,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,11,1,5,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,36,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599873930929081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543559853039205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285652246921573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821222023328158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040478439849519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408808707879601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539162885107541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436651863624034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529105308812888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883539361296982,0.18038560940780815,0.0,0.2349568749125993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700437730150266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479886103143417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162135055787286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27028789494927713,0.16516801187026167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,volvoraggare22,2019/02/05,"idk if this is the right subreddit but... wich shotgun shel would make the most damage i wanna know wich type of  shotgun shell would disintegrate my head the most, birdshot, buckshot or slugs, from a 12 gauge shell, not tryna kms right now but i just wanna know till later",3.5258823529411742,6.086089431372553,3.427215686274512,88.6584705882353,76.25490196078431,5.648627450980393,21.964705882352945,6.742157984588678,0.5504399999999996,215,6,40,2,5,65,39,51,0.07,0.93,0.0,-0.3499,0,0,0,2,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,15,6,5,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,25,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712326388260213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975875199325653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145322595290314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178197362137197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5139159513829932,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andyclark1232,2019/02/05,I just want to be done I dont see any reason to live and haven't since I was 12. Nothing really seems to make me happy. Any sense of happiness I feel is just covering up or distracting from the emptiness. I dont want to die but I don't want to live. ,-1.1132142857142853,0.8702698214285718,1.8585714285714303,95.98642857142859,91.85714285714286,6.057142857142857,16.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.19992142857142925,194,5,48,4,7,68,38,56,0.068,0.73,0.201,0.6024,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,2,0,12,15,3,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,7,2,8,12,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693937681677824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556919193483836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269812847367435,0.4642817191970688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015199621037416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.421706198014204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34980534923269624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221570910969138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900570231478223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268910614339325,0.20365271621087824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578390659092528,0.18031882501885246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638485820972049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504869376714914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dailyTOSH,2019/02/05,"I want a way out I feel stuck in a place & job that I have invested far too much to change now. I have no one to talk to. In everyone else's eyes, I'm the lucky one that got everything I wanted. I shouldn't be complaining when they would happily take my place.

But I constantly feel like a failure. I screwed up every major turning point in my life. I feel that my misery is entirely my own fault when everyone else has been no less than nice and supportive. I have really tried my best but my best just wasn't enough. It never is. 

This has been going on for >6 years now. Good days are bearable at best. I recently injured myself, which is going to impact my work and I don't know how bad it will be. It's really taking a toll on me on top of everything else. I seriously considered/nearly attempted suicide 6 years ago. I'm keeping myself alive only to not hurt the people that care about me but everyday is a struggle. I don't know how much longer I can go on for. I wonder if I did kill myself six years ago, would everyone have gotten over it and be better off without me by now. I am such a waste of everyone's time.",1.6211305361305364,3.5548736538461547,3.6359595959595983,87.93909090909094,79.55555555555556,7.502408702408703,21.747474747474747,8.438071523408619,1.2745111111111105,881,26,189,19,22,299,136,234,0.14800000000000002,0.652,0.2,0.9272,1,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,7,11,18,2,1,8,0,26,4,1,2,1,27,48,11,2,6,7,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,6,0,1,3,9,8,0,3,7,4,32,10,25,34,9,37,0,1,1,1,3,17,1,3,17,133,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594489884135398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364068447870078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757292233754854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33020470680206265,0.09276048847629384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069352065137896,0.0,0.11095230486093344,0.0,0.0,0.113341260435782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676408569354416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628488595298098,0.0,0.0,0.1083721738935838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836844935467045,0.40088079688232703,0.18852415135782172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909598546234285,0.07492843470497057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882227432459488,0.08797088255544486,0.08388451471923483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227941856653044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408019177118663,0.09322482767664038,0.11603749754265485,0.0,0.11528190551173145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408196322356547,0.05124053496231475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542021429978309,0.0,0.08089223386466803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214286763291126,0.07976824616357947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271266479000378,0.0,0.2191608193368007,0.0,0.09914833426068864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343814683619392,0.0,0.10355930731426984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096464820164916,0.0,0.1147249765776052,0.11901998317435605,0.0,0.0,0.1577179232436113,0.0843009808693464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061158119561882114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120867091948625,0.11408258387817315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372541925263235,0.08325124188530833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110346728266496,0.1137411372871698,0.07635607167119872,0.0,0.0,0.14901174503252598,0.0,0.0,0.20262363590173155
suicidewatch,BrigadierNasty,2019/02/05,"I Think My Boyfriend is Going to Attempt Suicide. This sub doesnt allow crossposting so I literally copied and pasted it from r/relationship_advice (which probably wasnt the best place to post it but I'm kind of freaking out)

He doesn't have a reddit account so I cant direct him here.

My boyfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, he's been unwell and suicidal in the past but he's never explicitly stated he was going to act on it.

Last night he asked me to pick him up at 11pm and drive him somewhere so he could vent. He told me he wanted to die and asked me how much it would affect me. We've only been officially dating for a month but we've known each other and been a constant in each other's live's since last July 2018.

​

An hour ago he sent me a snapchat telling me (and likely other people he chose to send it to) that ""tonight isthe night""  and thanking me for my friendship. I called him ASAP and he's refusing to talk to me over the phone but is responding to my messages. He's telling me he was just moody and drunk and that he wont do anything but I can't trust him 100%. I've contacted his brother and told him but he said ""he seems fine"" and that he has ""plans from 8-9pm"" so he cant keep an eye on my boyfriend all night.

​

He's refusing my offers to come over or to pick him up. He said he's going to hang with a friend. Should I tell his friend what's going on? I know my boyfriend would be pissed if he found out. He's so good at hiding how he feels.

 I don't know what to do. I've offered everything I can. I feel so lost. 

I'm not sure calling emergency services is my best bet. He's very private and he'll be furious if I do. There's a chance he'll kill himself out of anger or spite. He can be like that. He's private and doesn't want his family and friends knowing. I'm worried he'll withdraw and hurt himself if I emergengy services rock up. I mean fuck, I'm hesitant to message his friend and ask him to keep an eye on him.

​",2.015695443645086,3.6837644244604313,3.4723441247002387,90.7987799760192,77.41726618705036,6.4558752997601925,24.53297362110312,7.279313950308263,0.9097189448441252,1563,54,346,19,36,514,194,417,0.21600000000000005,0.705,0.079,-0.9966,0,0,0,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,0,5,11,24,6,0,12,0,32,5,3,6,4,68,68,36,4,9,13,1,2,2,4,7,0,2,0,1,16,24,1,4,10,2,2,10,11,10,0,0,13,6,45,14,39,44,6,43,0,2,2,1,75,17,2,7,16,191,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388199670459197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27091898928594915,0.30382681354962265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858739589446669,0.0,0.233754297432937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493485587616853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021300433238226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179597306606479,0.0,0.09006838780939337,0.0,0.06654571649701746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650092192146121,0.0,0.09552276658026923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074906818181865,0.0,0.07857203827329835,0.0,0.08428539240664179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138557229054996,0.25757442828956645,0.07705286467973149,0.0,0.0,0.1894718527145251,0.06990742414081164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207990612211813,0.0,0.08922457872429686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816510598805185,0.0922109943803296,0.0867929690783502,0.13741582720777376,0.1358776929687871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143816923866737,0.0,0.07359683840971247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098298541637756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078920650657367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652669925051656,0.0,0.06126956045471799,0.0,0.0642822663386485,0.0,0.0,0.23464625465933095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338907210589166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912809113710108,0.057782245104563174,0.07277529697816583,0.0870797695065141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982328960460572,0.0,0.08986205346760631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585639735463628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587588615355155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689454157674806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823359585394754,0.0,0.07855346551771737,0.0,0.0,0.06699107993381259,0.21854658900003807,0.07673462618013517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340532719355042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928306664365074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876992010092416,0.09832032042240972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464282123696726,0.0,0.11841449078774223,0.0,0.30382681354962265,0.0
suicidewatch,hodgepodge7,2019/02/05,"I've had enough ! Very quick and less painful method? I've had enough. I am a complete failure. I fucked up a very important test and grad schools aren't giving me any admission. I was good at the mock tests which was supposed to reflect the actual test, but i lost my battle to extreme nervousness, depression and anxiety. I've promised my girl and couldn't keep it. 

Also can someone tell me to write a proper note so that i won't hurt the ones who love me (though there are only handful of them), my parents, my sister who is doing really good with her life and my girlfriend who just got a nice job.",4.674499999999998,5.4521221166666685,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,69.5,8.333333333333334,29.166666666666664,8.472884824447931,1.955916666666668,474,17,97,7,8,150,83,120,0.192,0.634,0.174,0.2793,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,3,1,7,0,12,5,1,0,0,12,18,9,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,6,1,15,5,7,10,3,3,0,3,0,2,13,2,1,0,1,63,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.17993354464169595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745293133486273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538838937820646,0.0,0.1410543201654008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332457539256168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881086791372598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810387984363504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046132372162034,0.0,0.17687926934826476,0.0,0.30930743734297816,0.14746984187758358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973883756439796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297405038889725,0.1638902083722341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023685526614934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127843649530416,0.0,0.16641501513143134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494431352444328,0.14023339931056264,0.19619905718358552,0.0,0.20473815723306565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812200354822198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660786053112546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622914425561607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116095968932387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811577114262309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30427451753697604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,749274782037,2019/02/05,"Wishing to die, but too weak to do it myself. Little bit of a vent here.

Since my early years, I've always thought about dying. Wondered what it would feel like. I almost went through with it once, but flaked off at the last second. These thoughts have stuck with me, and lately, I've given up. I have such a minimal social life/skills, I'm not good looking whatsoever, and those I care for, don't care back. I've stopped putting effort into my relationships with my very few friends and stopped putting effort into school. I don't care for my pathetic life anymore. I just wish something would just come along and strip me of it. I know I won't be successful in life.",2.9402417302798973,5.098083526717558,3.2598664122137437,91.1347360050891,76.32824427480917,5.893384223918575,24.65712468193384,6.816661863887847,0.8000376590330784,526,18,107,5,12,162,87,131,0.171,0.6579999999999999,0.171,0.2384,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,28,25,6,2,4,5,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,7,11,0,2,5,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,5,2,14,7,18,16,2,18,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,8,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497719622441534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215980180355802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336798993724484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364863131827633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716065581869806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122958541595674,0.0,0.0,0.11611350515293214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979076859975993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815613695018846,0.09629720025381762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414187742446113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305921079630905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407951857272982,0.10987548833819684,0.15205403963504902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285627973245078,0.06585377201335604,0.1350994762631524,0.0,0.0,0.11319341059136387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435517172266194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710113567887804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471882129795186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641920557275408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115033830883796,0.0,0.0,0.13740599273707885,0.0,0.10377137272736506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253884344849273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140235137679801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121955913401567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495582926693632,0.0,0.0,0.3100139891049281,0.0,0.14617885876792458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150825595207668,0.0,0.0,0.08680322283262328
suicidewatch,mildly_manic,2019/02/05,"Like Sorta, but yeah really I hate everything about my life, literally every decision that I have made in my life has made my life worse.  I fully acknowledge that I am depressed, but the one time that I sought treatment for depression, it made my life exponentially worse, so the very idea of seeking treatment now sends my anxiety into overdrive.  I with I had the courage to kill myself, but I don't. But recently I had a liver function test from the VA that came back abnormal, (side note, I'm an alcoholic).  At first I was really worried about the test results, but then it dawned on me that it doesn't make any sense to be worried about a potentially fatal liver condition if I would really rather not be alive anymore.  I have since increased my drinking, I like it, and it will kill me faster, and people won't say that I killed myself.",6.074347826086957,6.647817832298141,6.5933478260869585,76.4674130434783,66.32919254658385,10.166708074534164,31.62795031055901,10.125756701596842,3.115180869565217,665,25,124,15,10,217,99,161,0.269,0.632,0.099,-0.99,0,0,2,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,8,1,14,8,2,5,0,23,21,10,4,3,8,0,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,11,5,2,0,3,1,0,3,4,7,0,2,7,1,24,3,13,9,1,15,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,2,9,86,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395150164219521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877642093012976,0.0,0.09986807999619617,0.0,0.1294675220533394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003825670425593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493109634479054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487983980179654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788633759664214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999145847271567,0.0,0.11732720510887787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104319185060643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888811245236334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737164667341734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43329266334691696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368836762033842,0.1275573174495067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37058011807457936,0.08714112078633668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846201012132934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050483637650814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508952087216906,0.0,0.12889939037182724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038161957929694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798980831662736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612299205411606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771492791767896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651535838607552,0.2660770447773597,0.09273682680517543,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soup-medic,2019/02/05,I homesick for a place that doesn’t exist I really thought I was getting better. I was wrong. Everyone still hates me. I keep fucking up and making people mad at me. I don’t mean to be like this. I don’t wanna make anyone mad. I’m probably just gonna chug whatever I find under the bathroom sink. I really wish I had a gun. I’m a fucking retard. I wanna go home,-1.2119230769230782,0.8298469102564106,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,99.12820512820512,5.164102564102564,18.03846153846154,6.816661863887847,0.4752615384615386,281,9,59,5,12,102,54,78,0.266,0.625,0.109,-0.9014,0,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,5,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,0,11,21,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,13,2,7,15,0,6,0,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195222846902556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921981249785347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765451639567112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862266271028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018098267223066,0.11353851240877373,0.0,0.12350555139062196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145543166616054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217985420721343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931602277566313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061695006615971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901199073785653,0.0,0.0,0.2367205650710741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065938164397447,0.0,0.22704871027095444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343031390384341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278436074187208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354864235288187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725244347581063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499023929464861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760066287163584,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mattjstyles,2019/02/05,"I'm off This ride's not fun anymore.

I get addicted to things and can't let them go quick enough.

I can't make my partner happy any more.

I'm not helping my family.

I don't really have friends.

I'm off.",-1.9664596273291928,-0.1072062173913011,1.3380745341614926,97.17369565217396,100.30434782608695,5.237267080745342,17.440993788819874,6.868970318607317,0.12309068322981398,158,5,39,3,7,56,33,46,0.17600000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.085,-0.443,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,4,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,3,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498619414789376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182439481341303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182771153874459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316073050121178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025449946719778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479503387816125,0.0,0.16767309626152965,0.0,0.1823923686140597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416368026372926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511314927223346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32817348514515565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142238000359478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559648739182546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321216208517868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whengaysattack,2019/02/05,"I found someone that had killed himself and I'm still haunted I don't think this goes on this subreddit, but i'm lost. i don't know and i'm sorry. please don't delete this just tell me where to put this so i can get some support. i work with college students in dorms. i found a student of mine who had hung himself in september of 2017. i was diagnosed with PTSD. i had constant nightmares for months. fast forward to feb 2 2019, one of my students was found dead, frozen to death. i am haunted. i am devastated. i am triggered all over again. i knew this student. i was dismissed from work because i need to ""get my shit together"" and now i'm drunk and high and just empty. i feel hollow. i feel llost and numb and i don't know how i can ever feel anything other than this horrible pain i feel now ",0.5073636363636354,2.8493864484848537,2.0020454545454562,95.4030681818182,87.54545454545455,4.754545454545455,22.79545454545455,6.2581,0.3993090909090911,624,24,136,6,20,201,94,165,0.298,0.6659999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,6,2,0,1,0,15,5,1,2,2,29,35,10,3,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,9,9,1,0,11,1,0,2,4,5,0,1,11,4,25,1,16,24,2,16,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,1,9,87,34,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310807436158432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971007025234378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213412313395474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161674326959331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408543619627526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322163912728667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239543774210162,0.0,0.0,0.16644318182307902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682968922076701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622896386863807,0.0,0.17508142791227113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388205557648725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714244496879626,0.0,0.0,0.11811029662521955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793791151458072,0.0,0.16949403999392915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748507799922717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861995624790557,0.16012879214528472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635072069959752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496450597059287,0.0,0.0,0.17831027188236834,0.0,0.0,0.12720788577135286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807585371855272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392250428679816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020655458671928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319276385764593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coocookachoo112,2019/02/05,"The pull is getting stronger The other night I was driving home from work on the freeway around midnight, no other cars on the road. I got that numb feeling again and contemplated just crashing the fuck out of the car. I wondered how bad it would be. If it would hurt, if it would be instant. Then I saw headlights in my rear view mirror. So I didn’t do it, I didn’t want to involve innocent other people. I don’t see how talking to someone about my feelings or taking some drug is going to make these thoughts go away. I don’t want anyone to find me I just want to disappear. ",2.124335664335668,4.183062863247866,3.182113442113444,91.19293706293706,78.48717948717949,5.28018648018648,26.02097902097902,6.11248444174946,0.7957076923076922,453,18,93,3,11,145,78,117,0.141,0.762,0.097,-0.8519,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,6,0,13,3,0,3,0,23,29,8,0,8,5,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,7,5,4,0,0,6,5,12,0,14,18,1,17,0,1,3,1,2,7,1,5,3,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804599479270158,0.0,0.0,0.17575245475953913,0.0,0.0,0.1854897646627056,0.0,0.16484383103099465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289533807573739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996506914483324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044528427436016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825186698682432,0.10314779224147813,0.0,0.2244053526021825,0.0,0.15790091733144754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980360180102093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135036959367934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178448130296555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527246398948288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687146561417662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732426630891766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672797968573576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844101347627267,0.15868485686260195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567354915567173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493438078994253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141018515285994,0.14372967169283055,0.0,0.0,0.4207407883185926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JCKB,2019/02/05,Please end me. Or let me end me Life is not worth living. I’m a boring moron with no personality and the charisma of an amoeba. I was born with a disgusting male body that will never be female. I tried Jesus but I couldn’t believe no matter how hard I tried. There is no reason for me to exist. I just want to go now. Maybe reincarnation is a thing. Or maybe my soul will end up as a tree endlessly devoured by harpies. I’d be better off that way ,-0.12641843971631062,2.1275038404255326,2.403297872340428,91.78416666666668,90.38297872340424,4.835460992907802,16.343971631205672,6.42735559955562,-0.2818624113475181,347,8,76,4,12,119,68,94,0.16,0.753,0.087,-0.5835,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,6,0,10,2,1,2,1,14,13,6,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,1,1,10,1,10,6,0,10,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662730722547506,0.0,0.17790093801928522,0.0,0.223432441253276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344779149287986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431825073961857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019100082112785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568962970321594,0.14207828100377695,0.0,0.0,0.177619244366416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40416467111014376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513937582031592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563652919223044,0.0,0.22080243144759648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681582855087624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363520409982102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27313546014628204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864355451026865,0.15966360533398627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snowman0719,2019/02/05,"Is there a chat group or something here? I think i need help I am so scared. I am trying to help myself but at this point i don’t see any other option than reaching out online. Friends and family are enjoying their festival, i don’t want to ruin it and they probably don’t have much time to stay with me. ",1.4922395833333333,3.3829570781250027,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,79.78125,6.7666666666666675,20.041666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.6769041666666671,239,6,52,4,6,80,50,64,0.1,0.619,0.281,0.9022,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,12,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,10,3,7,12,1,5,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,2,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782350467719167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27423675057312225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475035584276432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899712908880077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138466245421992,0.21570033150892876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274996653074117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31364182582443306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29124389940062057,0.0,0.23181142908766694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395076335823136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100630914920491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639841494134707,0.0,0.0,0.16962744067494184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750353164005768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158168338565846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angelinnerg,2019/02/05,"what’s stopping me? if only i knew what was on the other side. not knowing is what makes it scary. i’m 25 and SO over my life. i’ve been out of work for almost a year. i lost my job due to my mental health. 

may 4th 2018 i had my first schizophrenic delusion where i wandered around town thinking i was in a movie. i followed voices in my head and walked all the way to one life fitness and threw a barbel at people. the cops came and put me in the psych ward for 3 days. that’s where i found out i have bipolar schizoaffective disorder. ever since then my life has crumbled. haven’t been able to find a new job. broke, and living with my mom like a loser. all i have is my dog. my meds help but it’s not enough. i’m ready to give up.",-0.399573617588274,1.7044956582278488,1.3202465023317806,100.40839773484345,89.25316455696202,4.08580946035976,15.91072618254497,5.399115186594226,-0.9468151898734178,566,12,136,3,19,183,103,158,0.093,0.871,0.036000000000000004,-0.7488,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,9,0,12,7,1,1,3,26,24,9,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,5,0,0,5,3,3,0,2,10,1,20,1,18,13,3,29,0,3,0,0,3,15,0,3,9,85,27,4,0.16696762199553078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671939550054967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486365827675447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909664788808569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768030330038553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135936020326372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252218678011402,0.0,0.0,0.15103177317171715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260538163039994,0.14202257397394924,0.0,0.18307137943532814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601705572726806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713569503275265,0.17747877442324894,0.0,0.0,0.1119148774971849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313792026076879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917610384681962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538025077039685,0.08157194624666295,0.0,0.14743546921069373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226488304262656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145218420684977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854633878810494,0.0,0.16826409176768986,0.0,0.0,0.19555046090381392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125836976439112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314158182019272,0.12698640037680314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157543259074879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784857687214946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381173423105007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959240830346967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698611031764957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253112663696376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215544173875268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752167431660237
suicidewatch,ruslevch,2019/02/05,Does anyone live in Vancouver Canada? After a .onth of contemplating suicide I finally decided to go through with it tonight. My roomate is gone for the night and I am wondering if theres anyone in metro Vancouver that is wanting to do the same. I would love to leave with a stranger by my side.,5.196052631578947,6.467541894736844,5.907850877192985,78.0870394736842,68.64912280701755,9.910526315789477,35.30263157894737,10.125756701596842,3.750757894736843,236,12,44,6,4,77,45,57,0.098,0.8290000000000001,0.073,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,10,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,12,8,1,9,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,4,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203948990504694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26307077785311395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32930974649849404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084679945847867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183085639140668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26544912317940905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27131735756592185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821074197503927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288247251120602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773108968455563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260048449614373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354873001714575,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idhearheaven,2019/02/05,"So done I'm almost 18 and I'm absolutely miserable. I hate school, I don't make it to class most days because I don't understand anything, I feel stupid and overwhelmed. I have ZERO friends. You're probably thinking ""everyone has a least one friend."" No. I have NONE. Because I drive everyone away. No one will ever love me or care about me. I've been self harming pretty much every day and saving up my pills with the intention of killing myself. I have NOTHING to live for. I don't want to go to university or get a job, what's the point? There's nothing to look forward to. I'm done.",0.7433893557422948,3.1985427226890764,2.675428571428572,90.0112380952381,88.15966386554622,5.862408963585435,23.899719887955182,7.3011,1.2126298039215686,460,19,95,8,15,153,81,119,0.197,0.6829999999999999,0.12,-0.8622,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,3,2,4,0,11,2,0,2,1,16,25,6,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,6,0,3,3,2,13,5,12,21,4,9,0,2,1,1,4,4,0,4,4,59,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160341997484826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328058201662692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162619579057204,0.0,0.0,0.19675717548778768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645424114526225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081595028564178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33030506715391983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598165985494274,0.1359735322648056,0.3084199075987246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160093061284275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493707681764709,0.0,0.08431682130931162,0.0,0.09171861852319246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933393520223793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014936798456594,0.0,0.17854820958459627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250560703143386,0.0,0.13552246440034424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456559519767722,0.0,0.10772551035652912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863629055017225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30970585799991124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871683773383013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256066306526114,0.0,0.0,0.16418621292255567,0.17399995373717622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332988673253515,0.0,0.0,0.1683593918061171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340877047002184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680071173463247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518885082617587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cerealzz,2019/02/05,"Girlfriend of 1 year and my everything left me.. I know 1 year. WOW SO MUCH TO CRY AND BE DEPRESSED ABOUT. I loved this girl since Day 1. She was my first for sex, as was I. She was my first long term relationship. Everything was going good.  


I'm 18 and she's 17. She was amazing.. She was everything I could have ever of asked for.. We've done everything together.. She helped me get my life back on track. Had her Dad help me get my car up and running, motivated me to go to school and graduate, she showed me how to love and trust again. She had the softest skin.. She was gorgeous in my eyes. And most importantly was her attitude... she always had a beautiful smile no matter if it was fake for that day.. She gave me life when I needed it most..  


I almost OD'd, hung myself, drove into oncoming traffic.. She was there. Every little bit of sadness I felt, she fixed it with kisses and custom therapy done by her. 

  
Ever since I was a kid and understood Spanish, my dad would always say ""Don't be sad, never show emotion for anyone or anything. You're a man and men don't cry."" Every since then I don't recount my feelings with anyone but sometimes I would with this girl.. Some days I would forget how lucky I am to have her and I didn't talk to her about my feelings.. She gave me the best she could do, as I did her with my fucked up situation. I tried talking but eventually pushed her away, due to my silence, my lack of opening up to her...  


My biggest mistake.. asking for nudes.. she didn't like that and now she's gone.  


Nicole, if you're reading this after I'm gone. I'm sorry.",1.027303070761015,3.2836312585669774,2.727667111704495,91.8418878504673,83.76635514018692,5.6623408989764155,20.69790832220739,6.9916214562510826,0.4489612995104584,1218,37,262,16,35,401,166,321,0.08,0.802,0.118,0.8542,1,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,0,4,13,17,1,0,5,0,33,10,3,3,3,49,56,24,0,10,5,2,4,1,1,3,2,1,0,5,8,18,0,0,6,3,0,8,7,6,0,2,26,6,61,11,34,23,8,38,0,3,1,6,45,11,1,8,20,179,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027035444520978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068378233487924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343098460041487,0.0,0.08440185521486236,0.0,0.1917679491058239,0.0,0.09636273627070016,0.07886577964100687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763512876630696,0.0,0.11197388432448148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637788359130184,0.0,0.2253246031541853,0.19843687798873355,0.0,0.08833866484005212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099182130704633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537127242658099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555094804845845,0.17283005170856788,0.0,0.3687134838896452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371939907995767,0.0,0.0984780168353374,0.0,0.0,0.1744826448881517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481923965440628,0.10717144979664722,0.0,0.1165795527848085,0.08602624744428836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749366232176674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056366774103640375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143664357816664,0.0,0.1448886975849639,0.05010784036487954,0.10279658678624996,0.0,0.0907663665726684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851369549095843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539671834945055,0.07605028687021691,0.07910407540105396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025922685095326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011590336724504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156341745180383,0.0,0.10380076291084556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545272753155298,0.11528681000418192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143892601943226,0.11481257533024394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648749411031969,0.0,0.0,0.1172914593108544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963457188050541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857666215058125,0.0,0.0,0.13209636744792724
suicidewatch,FortuneCookieRegrets,2019/02/05,"My dog would be better off without me One of the only things that keeps me going is my dog. If I die, where will she go? Well my parents just bought a house with a huge yard, a major improvement over the apartment we currently live in. My mom and dog also adore each other.

Knowing my pup has a better situation waiting for her is almost a sick motivation.",4.178309859154929,5.22091471830986,5.570535211267606,80.4163661971831,70.83098591549296,7.933521126760564,26.876056338028175,8.238735603445708,1.7464230985915492,279,9,54,4,5,94,57,71,0.084,0.684,0.231,0.8754,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,7,0,6,1,0,1,0,13,12,3,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,11,4,7,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,1,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364645716082193,0.0,0.0,0.18884464406901136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177011800361604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450806732082244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268412683852358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27247900829353444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098960514807555,0.0,0.0,0.12977882275106173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851988976286448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27656954441857645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001760156525152,0.17959850739928593,0.0,0.0,0.26221048357607113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265436273744496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688389018167315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123222346604606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763483829922476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775025326446089,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Isolated_Idiot,2019/02/05,"Thanks for trying. I don't really know what else to say here. This feels a bit like shouting into the void honestly... I planned on killing myself last October everything got too overwhelming, but a few of you guys/gals on here helped talk me through it. I decided that if random strangers online could try and take the time for me maybe I was actually worth it, maybe I could actually do something if I tried my hardest. Well, I gave this semester an honest try I really did. I pushed as hard as I could and I'm doing pretty well in the classes high B or A in all of them, but my will to live has never actually been lower. I cant do this anymore every night I lay awake sobbing and every morning I barely drag my lifeless husk to class. It hurts, and I'm too tired to do this anymore. I'm sorry I really am. I'm sorry for wasting your time, I'm sorry I wasted your help, I'm sorry if you read this. I really appreciate anyone who cared enough to try and help. I really am sorry goodbye.  ",2.9064108910891093,4.356267004950496,4.930779702970298,82.19785272277228,74.49504950495049,8.020297029702972,25.00123762376238,8.660442795831766,1.7526326732673263,773,25,156,15,16,267,117,202,0.14400000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.173,0.8809999999999999,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,4,1,1,7,11,1,1,7,0,16,1,0,0,2,21,29,13,1,6,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,4,2,0,5,4,28,7,18,20,4,12,0,3,0,0,12,6,1,5,6,101,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.2824308503386425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135035248144414,0.06745608243571108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532340125366677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836053312231828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310772394267189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059071406201318,0.0,0.0,0.09968227628029043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256512841908835,0.0,0.08670360603641213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877958799496244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715817696977949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864207533679996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399121840661387,0.10192889691697926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327621584051196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673295065833556,0.0,0.05301897314813903,0.07863827516808405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713177727595392,0.0,0.08518732256800178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938399542868458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074405834222221,0.0,0.0,0.0905332648202454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814760396317047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649898926825913,0.0,0.30901499376951713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671910817171201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426953806099705,0.0,0.5399674671208262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253560131847694,0.0775412484940028,0.0,0.08881926851465884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250822700921208,0.11088138651116107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274937722998267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348141429528788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El_Psy_Kunteroo,2019/02/05,"My depression is turning into a vicious cycle For some reason that even I havent figured out I got really depressed last year in my second semester. The semester before that I had great grades but then I started falling apart but somehow made it through. I thought I would be good for next year but its even worse, I have no motivation to go to class, rarely hand in my assignments and overall am getting an F in many courses. Its not that I dont love what im doing, bieng a Chemical Engineer has been a dream of mine for a while and when I do go to class I'm really interested in the content. I just have no motivation and feel utterly useless and like a huge fraud. And since my academic performance is doing bad all this negativity simply piles up and now I can barely function as a student, I'm pretty sure I've skipped enough classes that I won't even be able to enter the exam room for some since I need to go to at least 80% to be able to write it. Idk what to do and have made plans to kill myself multiple times, have a suicide letter ready, and have even walked away from a bridge a few times. And because of these suicidal feelings I decide that going to any more classes would be useless but I end bieng too much of a bitch to actually do it, I lack the motivation and energy to do literally ANYTHING and it sucks. I want to accomplish things in life, I love my family and I know they love me, and I have great friends, as well as a possible love interest, but this just makes me feel even worse and more suicidal because I feel like I'm living a lie and don't deserve their attention or love. Right now I'm in a semi-ok mood but idk how long it will last and I need help or someone to talk to thats anonymous and may have gotten through a similar situation. I feel its unfair to talk about this stuff to people I know personally because I feel its an unfair burden for them to carry when really this is my problem, I also dont want them to pity me or change how they act around me. Idk how to end this rant so heres a period.",6.2208698495748855,5.325719019184653,7.224335077392631,77.02779103989538,66.24220623501199,10.651362546326576,32.86341835622411,10.018931242160765,2.9874613908872902,1609,58,331,32,22,545,207,417,0.221,0.601,0.17800000000000002,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,5,6,22,28,4,0,21,0,34,7,1,10,2,69,69,38,4,8,12,0,7,2,1,5,1,0,1,1,25,20,0,0,16,1,0,8,9,12,1,1,7,7,43,15,48,53,10,42,0,5,0,5,17,16,2,7,20,234,68,13,0.16661782181909632,0.0,0.0812974795928443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662210595568516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056652916202775426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685561352993155,0.07416259322428699,0.0,0.0,0.07827146416117021,0.0,0.06955946079393929,0.15235301653531666,0.0,0.07088974719280326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812978137492343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350768578530168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527484626719507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757393534210664,0.08608037484518798,0.0,0.27512374975352577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853622690232219,0.0,0.25274093105137696,0.05951590259968869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436425791202821,0.0,0.043525467501743735,0.0,0.18938549569800608,0.06987556190642252,0.06662974646821156,0.18369673676813691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055840206906196066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998791966319927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921689666793764,0.0,0.09156879743929272,0.13581576296700498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058843547512610124,0.08140105154954645,0.0,0.07356329462313288,0.07372576457640925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759477234645472,0.1576578116556208,0.05560934493641844,0.08446215981166996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061241635164663064,0.12354500367210555,0.0,0.0,0.08859997187129254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775590925454897,0.07274212763172581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391827965663664,0.0,0.08475511248911216,0.0,0.07971537662626207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601094647257144,0.08565543549453418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114535472459838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782798398981885,0.09364270636886927,0.0,0.0,0.0705873698660259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058966475930389436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536877150912514,0.2733792808549636,0.0,0.07851766261178621,0.0,0.0,0.1339210938072728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534673861655272,0.0,0.0,0.06613796956653085,0.09715619180774453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061617231360307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827550822781073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490471590567206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979779499240788,0.1183605201214372,0.0,0.0,0.10729641447162784
suicidewatch,bloodhail97,2019/02/05,"Logically, I Want to Kill Myself I'm 22 years old, and while I should've killed myself long ago (seeing as the last 9 years were a complete waste of time), I suppose the second best time to do it is now. I'll try to be as objective about my problems as possible, without boring you all with a wall of text.

Like I said, I'm 22 years old, I'm close to $8,000 in debt, I've held roughly 13+ jobs since I turned 17 (most of which I quit within a month), I'm currently unemployed, I'm obese, freakishly tall, I've never been in a relationship with anyone my whole life or had sex, and frankly, I have absolutely no reason to live. Every day is filled with anxiety and self-doubt. I have a bunch of ""friends"" who never invite me to any parties, never message me first, and yet they always pretend that they care when I call them out and that it's just me who misunderstands. I'm tired of being gaslighted by my friends and family about the physical and emotional abuse I suffered as a kid. I'm sick of never being #1 in anyone's life.

The thing is, I don't blame anyone for any of this. I'm a piece of shit. I'm manipulative when I need to be, I know exactly what to say to get a certain reaction out of people. I push people away with my incessant whining. I have no skills at all, and no usable employment history. I'm fat and ugly so I understand why I'm a virgin. I really have no one to blame but myself at this point and that's what gets to me the most. I've already made up my mind, now I'm just waiting for my fear of death to completely fade away. My dad and step-mom are going on vacation to see my brother next week, so I'm thinking about doing it then.

Before anyone suggests getting professional help, I'd seen a therapist for five years about my depression. I even had a 5 day stint in the mental hospital. Nothing works. I was going to start therapy again, but the past two appointments have just been me answering intake questions, and I know that without drastic medication, I'll never be fixed. My attention span is atrocious, I constantly forget things, I couldn't actually implement healthy coping mechanisms to (literally) save my life. Even if my mental sate was somehow fixed overnight, I'm still in too much debt for anyone with my lack of skills or experience to get out of. I'm fucked regardless so I may as well take the quick way out and end my suffering now, instead of dying of a heart attack in my 30s, or lung cancer in my 50s (if I'm lucky).",4.392297575757574,5.024978294000004,5.800690909090911,80.46101212121214,70.06,9.260606060606062,28.75151515151515,9.41862664789215,2.386953333333334,1937,68,395,40,33,656,261,500,0.168,0.772,0.06,-0.9944,7,0,0,0,1,1,68.0,0,1,3,6,26,21,5,1,20,0,27,15,4,3,9,71,67,32,4,8,12,2,1,1,2,1,9,2,0,1,16,23,2,2,9,1,2,4,13,12,1,5,11,6,51,9,69,49,10,67,0,4,3,3,19,23,2,11,40,250,67,5,0.0,0.09719499948010372,0.08005180515898659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271678765023765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052481144284807,0.0,0.06825754198513112,0.0,0.0,0.11156971242567654,0.0,0.06275457406899418,0.0,0.0,0.2867948647318814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332371632181284,0.15414431123619005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980354444527696,0.0,0.08608796009015852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376426899259434,0.0,0.0836375157678504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201885587911567,0.08864789965710065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058082445047578,0.0,0.07065440010463253,0.0,0.0851366970503348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227542727035183,0.07265637248360046,0.0,0.0,0.1083632748281046,0.0,0.06911584890733494,0.0,0.0,0.08024344409686825,0.07733286155232823,0.0923092749010831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977673154537296,0.0,0.0,0.12675608295315366,0.07583764717623402,0.1714342073753576,0.0,0.09324182543839464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720880849079877,0.054984599592503965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140451553961306,0.0,0.18151342942670992,0.0,0.09016574152070236,0.06686736814600312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382576522425125,0.040076895071138666,0.0,0.07243612664890649,0.07259610716870865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762105592729117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263902934829502,0.16533876314836676,0.0,0.08282935582412836,0.09607537472572644,0.06547749219358016,0.0,0.0603032648782246,0.06082599738550925,0.3163422836089239,0.0,0.08724240555615803,0.0,0.0,0.07871231603203288,0.0,0.17215844350063655,0.0,0.05558728841750557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830922368456411,0.11374189747531155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754714878691618,0.09247922397586904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849394384450813,0.0,0.0,0.09189508044985073,0.08725157248841688,0.0,0.0,0.05255206655246529,0.08434298661357427,0.0,0.08807211551679363,0.0,0.0,0.07803161329986175,0.06523547011917366,0.0,0.0,0.1307384303119064,0.0,0.08557770098625472,0.0,0.08420509667169435,0.06785806260579352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806296659788564,0.0,0.06551119376066576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167816812725342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938112174324826,0.0952459581727161,0.1089973848662244,0.052563060151885416,0.0,0.0,0.09566752346486353,0.09428419527937763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569462603570318,0.08922771292088362,0.08013375111748702,0.08539863857659763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838484462220366,0.06511351390131476,0.06580145637529168,0.0,0.07375699410609879,0.0,0.07402149654041701,0.09158626344525332,0.0,0.1581526442920893,0.0,0.05972057619346794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130474667991156
suicidewatch,clumsyblanket,2019/02/05,"Tonight was hard. I went and sat by a cold lake for a while until my toes went numb. 

Is it bad that the only reason I want to stay alive is for my dog? She would wonder where I went. I can’t do that to her.",-1.4206250000000011,0.10420652083333516,0.9373333333333314,105.44100000000002,87.95833333333334,3.84,11.683333333333335,3.1291,-1.9971716666666668,155,1,44,0,5,52,37,48,0.155,0.763,0.083,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,6,2,1,1,0,5,12,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,5,2,8,0,6,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288193420795316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23912385962539345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030182448952225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744565429424625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28452020466777483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574468455410493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7423621154421982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28948268484020995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962497234325745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaythecupoftea,2019/02/05,"How do I just get rid of fear This is my 4th attempt in the last 6 months and ended up being in hospital every time. 

I realised that its cowardness that is preventing me taking it all the way alone. 

If I had a gun I would have blown myself when I was 18 and be done with but being a country that guns are not allowed it's so much harder to make a quick death. 

I got nothing left anymore. 
",6.082590361445784,4.16745963855422,7.003704819277111,81.80748493975905,67.07228915662651,9.74578313253012,31.59337349397591,8.07648339933343,2.0605445783132534,302,9,67,3,4,102,68,83,0.149,0.851,0.0,-0.8658,1,1,0,2,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,0,12,0,0,3,1,13,16,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,9,0,6,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850086785215282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729095851364685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816098070475913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437322392952465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318552392466191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096596418220541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377280968999928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009059083129434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431251130358307,0.0,0.0,0.2989893181450132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368813077559495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965004926966966,0.0,0.2022926452721208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640474385221029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690488004582555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604625920953096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842905183756234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548353539852245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaytwo4409,2019/02/05,Still want to end it. I'm probably facing a jail sentence for dwai. And no I didn't believe I was impaired since I consumed the xanax the previous day. The sheriff however disagreed. I'm just staying for my family.  Even though they love me.  All I do is cause them pain. Why keep hurting my family I'm sure I'll do it again.  ,0.14804311774461,2.515563671641793,2.459601990049752,90.68784411276951,91.38805970149254,5.96285240464345,23.862354892205637,7.3871296695380915,1.356427529021559,254,11,53,5,9,86,51,67,0.153,0.7140000000000001,0.133,-0.34,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,5,4,1,1,2,7,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,2,3,9,1,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26529608233263835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241894401323494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185983029566028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855812223142414,0.0,0.0,0.15552690248951245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44396371139439067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520774310337676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929815427721052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125224920814948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505585961925614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538784257589867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947847054781203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25098160727463104,0.18804808289799144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192938391665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23134984701756786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388873679475769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124766733532389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FunEstablishment8,2019/02/05,"Has anyone else been let down by mental health ""Support""? So for a few years I've been in and out of psych wards, and been under the ""Care"" of the local mental health team. But all my nurse seems to do is make me worse. She claims she tries to help but she keeps telling me to for just an example, clean up, get a job, even though I've told her over and over again I want help with motivation. She's recently referred me to someone who's going to ""help"" me find work. (I.e. forcing me to do something I'm not ready to) I rarely even go outside. Another one which is quite funny, she contacted the local council. She said they'd help me clean up and help me with support etc. Guess what? The council guy came round and told me I need to clean. I mentioned motivation, he just said ""Well find the motivation. If you don't clean up in 6 weeks you will be in breach of your tenancy."" Bare in mind this is a local authority. I KNOW what I need to do, but I need to get motivated. They have this ""get over it "" attitude which is extremely damaging. The only reason I'm even still here is because attempts that should've worked didn't. I'm just sick of it all :( 

They keep saying the old favourite ""You don't really want to die."" Yet my best friend, who knows me inside out knows that it's genuine and even she's pissed off with all this ""Help."" I'm even worse than what I was a year ago because of it all; which quite honestly I thought would be impossible. I just don't know where to turn now. I'm UK btw if that helps, any suggestions are appreciated. But please don't just be like ""Seek professional help."" I have a CPN, a psychiatrist and a psychologist. None of them know their arses from their faces; and none of them seems to know what's wrong with me, let alone how to help. They just seem to be chucking everything at me in the hopes I get magically cured. So yeah.

​

Tldr: I've literally lost all hope, and all professional help has just been making things worse.",3.038484848484849,4.629847583333337,3.926654040404042,88.95164772727276,74.42929292929294,7.576262626262628,23.233585858585855,8.278499904357787,1.0735949494949495,1537,43,339,26,32,493,193,396,0.087,0.69,0.223,0.996,1,1,1,0,0,1,68.0,0,4,8,12,23,14,1,0,16,1,32,5,2,8,6,69,75,19,1,10,14,0,1,1,1,2,3,3,4,1,20,16,0,2,18,1,0,3,8,4,1,1,13,4,45,10,48,53,11,34,0,2,1,0,45,21,1,8,11,211,65,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583954196420684,0.0,0.0,0.07692560714440669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047599757990895,0.09025120747857072,0.050508960864147946,0.0778829098598629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193420430632023,0.07610263177606366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905536503737261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794612556637645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494982710909177,0.07572743388591371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708482895450297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204651171786815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283529744259972,0.2452868385337892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675280608359066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577043323407031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057384014836808925,0.0,0.15522068638236258,0.0,0.08442340863981179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182133683715237,0.07354307406404934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789987113073214,0.0,0.0,0.4978438912439971,0.0,0.0,0.14754195612680232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370562135838196,0.13203653323469516,0.0,0.0,0.24491474311847056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519006768303189,0.0,0.03628659213499684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810789956083861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915712783508436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970172344489382,0.0,0.07499570628561858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652199967897599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793821366169527,0.0,0.05033007819383322,0.05648882893183356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153069950843905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799937686811125,0.0,0.0,0.04758191475301676,0.07636618428802129,0.07333675085670785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130342784398886,0.059065775748030576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284915730360786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293223616777514,0.05717986020121876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931542261570932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857082341307955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491887044839416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049344437005428766,0.0,0.07297396355468673,0.058965369134986574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194424377028775,0.0,0.05042726427487481,0.08078893387702503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876176220340722,0.0,0.0595782334220423,0.0,0.0667813701006686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081449142481088,0.0,0.22707507636658936,0.05276221666397636,0.08120711024259837,0.09025120747857072,0.0956602195024402
suicidewatch,biscuitkappa,2019/02/05,Need help for a friend. My good friend is going through a really rough time right and I'm not sure how to be there for him or help him he told me he wanted to ended it and I dont know how I should handle it I'm not good with these kind of situation due to anxiety and its stressing me out that I dont know how to help him.,-0.1684749034749018,1.3442181756756746,2.2463706563706585,97.78608108108112,83.45945945945945,5.850193050193052,15.976833976833975,6.868970318607317,-0.5384030888030891,251,4,66,3,7,86,47,74,0.076,0.675,0.249,0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,3,1,17,13,7,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,9,6,10,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155447688350338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643695521733289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546766410841685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061203446723523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259112413417526,0.33233244332909473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983691556281991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630226211378616,0.217753398723725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689689718144158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691506672883368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691858277920176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268521753851472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269356370863785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867174012511664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552019664349272,0.0,0.0,0.18930368043603935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685108097053805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sfdssafdfsd,2019/02/05,"If there is no afterlife why even try? My mom died one month ago, i cant keep it anymore, it was too unreal for me to even take seriously, she loved me so much. And i dont even know if love her, i want to be with her again, im alone, my dad is just keeping with the same routine as always, but i never liked him and he probably never liked me, good bye",0.3245054945054946,1.7464922564102563,2.8249450549450583,94.65576923076924,81.56410256410257,6.508424908424907,18.83516483516484,7.447530270364453,0.12731648351648328,268,6,68,4,7,93,59,78,0.191,0.7340000000000001,0.075,-0.8251,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,2,15,13,7,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,13,5,6,11,2,5,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,2,8,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694001247246235,0.0,0.0,0.1950493796436255,0.0,0.0,0.15670267181144076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867692084177941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545309586294266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220717167089904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731634819673211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795926989693104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342485558225099,0.0,0.0,0.3347863585837787,0.0,0.0,0.1034992778177659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840135566827832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33994390197477586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205656324115254,0.1503203554045626,0.0,0.13844159122268535,0.0,0.29049789726825703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761485925868474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030477382286406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159803381260433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786128025581214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107980461898796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993530593134168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LastfirsttimeIhope,2019/02/05,"Tired and ready. My last attempt was 16(?) Years ago. I can't remember much about it, but I do remember making a promise to my dad that he won't have to bury me. I have been taking being happy since then. Thinking maybe one day I'll forget these thoughts and move on.

Well, my life has improved in terms of wealth, friends and maybe even appearance... I've had relationships and lovers and aimed my life to try and help others.

But that thought has never left. I do not want to live.

I made a promise and I'll keep too it. I'll Continue to fake my way through life. But my dads health is getting worse, and I'm starting to realize that once he dies. I'll be shortly after. This is what I look forward to. It's horrible. I sometimes think to myself that he is so sick that he will just live forever as per Mr Burns and I'll be stuck here.

This is the only thing I look forward too. I know I can't share my thoughts with anyone. I sometimes think I want to make my death look like an accident, but in the end I really don't care. I'll swin in a lake, slash my wrists or hang myself. I hate the idea is waking up tomorrow.
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suicidewatch,lightflightacolyte,2019/02/05,"I’m out of reasons for anything Life doesn’t have purpose. I wake up, eat, sleep, go to school, do what people tell me to, then go home and refresh reddit for hours on a blank page because there’s nothing else to do. I stay up all night doing nothing at all because sleep is worse than being awake. I don’t have any reasons to die, but I don’t have any reasons to live either. There’s nothing to look forward to and everything feels like it’s fucked anyway, and I don’t want to live painfully in hope of a better future anymore.
I’m too coward to off myself yet, but if I could with no strings attached, I don’t know if I could find the courage to keep going. I’m very tired.",3.216408450704228,4.020100077464793,4.074760563380284,91.14030985915493,72.8732394366197,5.961690140845071,26.876056338028175,4.935628992294339,0.6313526760563377,529,18,115,1,10,170,88,142,0.173,0.7170000000000001,0.11,-0.8907,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,3,0,15,8,3,3,2,23,28,8,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,5,1,1,6,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,2,10,4,23,25,4,17,0,0,1,1,1,8,1,3,7,70,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808606329940391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187948863789847,0.0,0.0,0.10943043056671244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621255936205379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760916648489332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21234590739802348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801126295635807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360707700943915,0.11108693578698317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951299884072772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723820507586313,0.09500026246542928,0.0,0.0,0.12154044587570785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293699226131274,0.0,0.0,0.2267251820005597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338883321447165,0.13207820514286858,0.1309575812098058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819789286199706,0.0,0.0,0.07308181015826551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392703821859136,0.0649668485596428,0.0,0.2348458812437092,0.0,0.11166891339720296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247918335595563,0.0,0.3827909651948893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414990887554398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921909321449217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410173844206168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458190166046088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661501789730501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417379777161694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622955413926088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528398601091799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972164591671962,0.0784344911843302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355170163412281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,houstoncougar123,2019/02/06,"I'm scared (rant) My dissociation and suicidal ideation have been really high since I moved onto my university's campus; earlier today, I had a bad encounter with the supervisor of my dorms, and she strikes me as someone that is untrustworthy. I just feel so scared, alone, and helpless, and I know that's just a mindset considering that I can choose to let her and others control me. I know I'm not helpless, but sometimes certain things trigger that. 

My instincts are telling me to lay low and avoid drama and avoiding people.

I ",7.114625850340133,7.827085224489799,7.275918367346942,71.98931972789119,64.10204081632654,9.798639455782316,37.76190476190476,9.725611199111238,3.778994557823128,424,21,73,8,6,137,68,98,0.247,0.726,0.026,-0.953,0,3,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,4,3,0,7,0,0,2,1,21,12,10,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,2,1,16,1,6,9,0,5,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,50,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24168348041984514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484012715513732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617253921840856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799036052823245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465504074516053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564895692530917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23861939877552815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480174610435967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177768738680884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949199869117472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672544096578638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930321312126413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977193607205408,0.0,0.2307922251536129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552504635861223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039609323516889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502945920781014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211914942034329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ry-xc,2019/02/06,"Not sure how much more I can take. Life has been cruel. My parents have been split up for a while now and my mom lives 3 hours away and I don’t get to see her much. With my dad I can’t have a conversation without every flaw of mine being pointed out and how much better I could be but more like how much better he wishes I were. I don’t drink or smoke yet I’m compared to a step sibling who constantly does. I don’t know what I could do. Every conversation digs a deeper hole for me. I just don’t know how much longer I can fight these thoughts. It’s taken quite the toll on me in the past couple weeks, I don’t want to do anything because of the criticism always received. I really just can’t take it anymore. The pressures of school, getting into college, grades, and athletics are too much for me. I just want someone to talk to because I can’t find that where I am.",1.8161270491803272,3.493086989071042,3.2498599726775943,92.1341342213115,78.01639344262296,5.886475409836067,22.36646174863388,6.6274283507984215,0.3910658469945356,681,20,151,6,16,223,109,183,0.083,0.833,0.084,-0.2002,1,0,2,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,11,7,2,1,8,0,24,2,0,4,1,28,37,11,0,5,7,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,4,1,0,2,10,3,0,0,5,1,23,4,19,28,8,17,0,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,8,107,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789370890304938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859527136416835,0.0,0.0,0.10670526599373092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182684112183075,0.0,0.0,0.15808815246436025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293606509282794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012445221882494,0.0,0.20705782124993935,0.14347457118007387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134728625269726,0.0,0.0,0.12702473968903508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185008444698922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851370353749748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549178543970314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769632235312292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252368288886547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158795725479728,0.06334896811088535,0.0,0.11449873721535415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518649545813849,0.0,0.0,0.5719229890896411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398036220060526,0.0,0.12378225671364845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257765595045278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791729806867695,0.0,0.0,0.0830682911508958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123038573687154,0.1033281724793663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986681271438828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222100405400233,0.0,0.19498757570393727,0.10422178755034864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294147422502707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296244749406607,0.0,0.10401140992007818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491111724454704,0.1249947981515014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bakedBoredom,2019/02/06,"A True Friend, or something Things in my life are great, better than ever. For real. And I'm grateful, and upset I still feel the need to post here.

​

I told my friend that I want to die. Because, really, I don't want to die. I want help. And my friend asked, ""Why do you want to die?"" 

I didn't want to go into detail about how everything is exhausting and that everything is completely, genuinely useless. So I said, ""Because.""

My friend said something along the lines of: ""That's not a real reason. You have to have a reason other than 'just because'.""

This is a friend who, whenever I tell her that I feel depressed, or sick, or exhausted (which isn't often. I know how much of a burden negative thoughts can be- even if they aren't your own) she always agrees and says that she feels the same.

So I said, kind of angry at this point, ""Sorry, \*friends name\*, what's a good reason to want to die?""

Then she said something about how I didn't have to sound so passive aggressive, to which I replied that it was still a genuine question.

""Well, idk bakedBoredom, like, being in an abusive relationship?""

So I guess I don't have it bad enough to want to die.

​

I'm not going to kill myself right now. I know that I will one day. I'm going to finish college, and go to law school, and maybe adopt a kid who's older, and has issues that need to be worked through, and I'll contribute something and give my mom all the money she could ever need. Then, finally, when everything is Handled, I'll kill myself.

​

Thanks for reading. Sorry this sucks.",3.3760784313725485,5.109186568627454,3.9914431372549046,88.24669411764708,73.83660130718955,6.85678431372549,24.65830065359477,7.554174236665415,1.1232600261437913,1214,38,244,15,25,384,155,306,0.149,0.6579999999999999,0.193,0.8320000000000001,0,0,4,0,0,7,79.0,0,3,1,2,20,25,4,1,13,0,24,4,0,6,4,54,57,24,7,12,7,1,3,1,6,1,4,6,0,1,20,12,0,0,10,1,1,4,9,11,1,1,9,9,33,14,31,43,5,23,0,2,0,0,32,6,1,7,13,164,53,4,0.0,0.08064777082649031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056636849968019785,0.22125034355491308,0.2481250467389622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363306702960221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683275387440378,0.12447827214222805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019936151636539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713665175213764,0.0,0.0,0.054345628100409285,0.0,0.0,0.04389731519119843,0.0,0.05862564841813689,0.0,0.35321183545277224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033097584648387,0.0,0.04495733628834441,0.12314024287821113,0.0,0.0,0.18352156821148954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103249528996364,0.0,0.0,0.07456361488697136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155284402556783,0.0,0.0,0.06529566895196133,0.15473523143417667,0.05709102063668365,0.0,0.07504364833420547,0.0749830153492528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562359597347733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104382866415711,0.0,0.0,0.15061117893551948,0.0708808720915004,0.07481522812344589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048077440720649456,0.033253894402212734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838203164972895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971875965219456,0.0,0.0,0.050036770533485576,0.15141152704394295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046123678390251936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434492223949427,0.0,0.06518897141632847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625015101438985,0.0,0.06808500303857894,0.15494934683019948,0.0436051961772917,0.2099513521770951,0.0,0.07307803720762954,0.0,0.05812849018982834,0.2589876310629246,0.05412927899656448,0.0,0.06888701615497525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096039248867073,0.0,0.15238993452026842,0.0,0.0,0.1087161226244257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949319392051021,0.06266656482685044,0.0,0.0,0.04522041340808621,0.0,0.0,0.054037263992922725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504053722899297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810320404349532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120003281379825,0.0,0.061419504307394075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955328327835097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481250467389622,0.0
suicidewatch,SabineWren906,2019/02/06,"What do I do? Well, I fucked up again... what do I do now? Is it time? Because I think at this point I've exhausted my supply of extra chances. I don't blame people one bit for giving up on me. There's no hope for a person like me. I deserve to die. I want to die. We're all finally gonna be at peace. My family will no longer have constant disappointment as well as a financial burden on them. My teachers will no longer have to deal with the burden of extending my deadlines. And I will finally be rid of this pain which has been eating away at me for so long that I don't know anything outside of it. I just want to lie down on the ground, on my back, and cry. Jumping from the school building seems like a good way to do it. No longer having that constant weight in my stomach. Either that or wrapping a noose around my neck and just letting go.  I've done extensive research into the least painful ways to do it as well. Some of them include: Carbon Monoxide poisoning, nitrogen Asphyxiation, certain poisonous substances (it will make it look natural such that my parents don't have to deal with the fact that I killed myself) etc. There's seriously something wrong with me. There's literally no way out. My parents/teachers/best friend are gonna completely lose faith in me. They're gonna point out everything that's wrong with me. It's gonna cause the most intense internal pain like it has in the past. And then I'm gonna be alone yet again. Then there's also the fact that I'm going to have to live with myself being the biggest fucking piece of shit no good waste of space loser I know. On the other hand if I do the exam. I'll fail yet again and I don't know if I can live with myself at that point either. The thing is as well I've found myself in this same position so many times over the past year and a half that at this point I've completely lost hope in the fact that things might get better. I'm just stick in this constant cycle of pain. I'm honestly lost. What the heck should I do?",1.899960696238068,3.938225819951338,3.1049148418491477,91.57203818079729,79.12165450121654,6.161856634849336,22.217293655249854,7.2200825789825185,0.6462278495227394,1576,48,339,20,39,508,191,411,0.207,0.6559999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9902,2,1,1,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,2,6,23,38,6,0,20,0,36,15,4,2,5,46,65,18,3,7,8,1,2,3,1,11,7,0,0,1,30,16,2,0,6,0,0,3,10,22,4,2,5,3,37,16,56,44,11,58,1,6,1,2,8,32,4,9,23,230,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422941717021754,0.0,0.06503653327409759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692453369011207,0.07239756073056278,0.0,0.0,0.07640864260154609,0.06253482832984109,0.0,0.04957569707117472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534683014991129,0.07192641556761357,0.08878714780391325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354441039622723,0.0,0.0,0.17053794816280354,0.26365419370806525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893330126252249,0.0,0.16768748368866151,0.0,0.0,0.16880751303828456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832249391144219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321700636890017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070021133033204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309074519675353,0.0,0.0766671041223531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817775522837814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916998133242278,0.06283242088058022,0.15036952404820367,0.04248958322228254,0.07801550218314755,0.0924391079800726,0.13642511721248027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155053478337048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997539153550173,0.0,0.1340842590331266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316155017900059,0.0,0.1191956210714061,0.0,0.14362505027061095,0.0719711283852437,0.06829352601544678,0.09098321608616937,0.17755430989373858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428587043936764,0.08245200280290853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627424701227221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551087382962084,0.0,0.3461472456424452,0.0,0.09030312151018922,0.0,0.1552701215356582,0.056381347604168575,0.07101090150611909,0.0,0.0,0.3075181862455789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230645685218245,0.0,0.07403631866945011,0.0,0.0,0.0834801762740052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260888249581224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805902803620533,0.05211054556577162,0.0,0.0,0.09484392320909184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593660046018776,0.19365885794875606,0.0,0.09903340298056648,0.2924880850585215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783486721063874,0.0,0.05237140683166823
suicidewatch,xXKiereXx,2019/02/06,"Cant think of an interesting title. So... This may be the most ridiculous reason to be contemplating suicide, but honestly all i want is this pain to end. About 5 months ago my wife said she wanted a divorce... Since then she has flip flopped about whether she wants to try again or leave... Well last night she made her decision. She told me she wanted to leave... I honestly feel like my whole world is falling apart. So many broken dreams and promises are now in play because of her and i dont know what else to do...",2.9278437843784397,4.965677009900993,3.2737953795379537,91.57909790979099,75.93069306930694,6.469086908690867,24.093509350935093,7.3871296695380915,0.8767020902090206,402,13,85,5,9,124,76,101,0.126,0.649,0.224,0.9018,0,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,18,20,8,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,2,14,7,10,14,3,12,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,3,9,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665785488960164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460800510969935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203441167861476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705665983982686,0.0,0.16651939082373862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506255463820044,0.13431303871175396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332434608256126,0.15325171115819688,0.0,0.3981469063470849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185127092409164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789782927884698,0.0,0.1906107249480329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006628792542714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643288488697442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005389556269174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330366038185046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788387758364814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552225993867705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565036866105452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046801205632868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964981586250495,0.0,0.1276451725100169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435682419134909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904187902182782,0.0,0.0,0.20990435216358147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreenieMcWoozie,2019/02/06,"I feel so alone. I don't even feel welcome around my friends anymore. I feel like I could disappear and none of them would care. My ""friends"" all treat me like shit and not one of them stands up for me and when I try to stand up for myself the people who are ""indifferent"" turn against me and tell me to stop being petty. The only one that stood up for me started treating me the same way as everyone else after he realized that if he kissed up to the others and hated me then he wouldn't get treated the same way I do. It makes me so much more depressed than I already am but no matter how much I hate them for all the shit they put me through I can't bring myself to leave them because more than I hate everything I have to deal with around them I hate the thought of being truly alone with no one to talk to. The last thing I want is to become a shut-in and the minute I really do leave them that's what I'll become",4.800251748251746,4.210235943589743,5.2415850815850815,89.05720279720279,69.05128205128206,8.321678321678322,26.95804195804196,7.348242739294969,1.0811538461538457,719,18,167,6,11,230,106,195,0.219,0.698,0.084,-0.9828,1,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,7,0,7,17,6,0,10,0,13,3,2,2,2,30,29,14,0,5,3,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,7,0,3,2,3,34,10,29,22,9,19,0,1,0,1,17,6,2,1,8,123,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466060400756962,0.13137796356788406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806860134633053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211964849843656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257361352749292,0.2629694052453012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138248425288595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505414582301178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273843186861245,0.10254018820815204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945351829677627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863339423496855,0.0,0.0,0.11376025866789392,0.1069971741744782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059034605773108,0.08505149839960947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396012963518604,0.0,0.06220028711429095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701608226084558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704409781303044,0.0,0.2521199080355937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163265800093737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794688126243399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503533031267687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420202142203792,0.0905451833824479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253637110356041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968116371733847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626841055952586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444124201186176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426633746877528,0.0,0.0,0.09953365219527924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569030459165707,0.1040575834352038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909353374897753,0.0,0.0,0.09451479633227712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808291830010061,0.12949549444536962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022055337863742,0.18899748523651164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845718467498972,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway192241,2019/02/06,"Everything is falling apart around me and I can’t find a way out of the collapse I’m a college student studying biology. Have had 7 concussions which dropped my IQ from literal genius level to definitely not. I go to a top tier school where I am drowning in my coursework and I’m only barely halfway through. I’m gay and have been intentionally in the closet to my hyper religious homophobic parents but my brother outed me. 

I can’t keep up with school, I’m cutting again, my parents hate me and my friends are nowhere to be found.

I have a noose hanging up in my room, so what’s the point?",3.925640301318268,5.412113805084747,5.423333333333336,79.53230696798495,71.96610169491525,7.956308851224105,34.29755178907721,8.515128840125781,2.8828557438794724,471,25,90,8,9,159,79,118,0.103,0.843,0.054000000000000006,-0.5417,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,0,14,19,6,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,15,1,16,15,0,20,0,0,0,1,4,14,0,0,1,60,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130854853676652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512571361481972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877515756189705,0.0,0.0,0.26245122847659297,0.18493270719426053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603657355386886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632325633301696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127584973714169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820477721941558,0.0,0.0,0.5315727293306649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262771746530011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845000613352503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999669475667813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shouldhavedied2013,2019/02/06,"I wasn't built to survive. I should have died when I attempted in 2013. That fucks me up - apparently most people regret their attempts or something. I do not. I wish to high heaven and hell that I had succeeded. Would've saved me a lot of fuckery and my parents a lot of money.

No one cares about me. That sounds like a generalization, and it is, but my few friends don't want to hear about how horrible I am. I'm THEIR therapist, not the other way around. I don't have very many friends, anyways. Most people think I'm 'intimidating' or they just flat out dislike me. It's been like that for five years, I've come to accept it. Still sucks.

Five years ago I was sexually abused by someone close to me for a six month period. Since then I have not been able to connect with anyone else, especially romantically or sexually. I was diagnosed with PTSD this past spring. No one knows except the therapist who called it. I can't see that therapist any more - I can't afford therapy, and my parents don't think anything's wrong with me. If they did, they would punish me. I know because they have before.

My life is constantly a living hell. I wake up at least three times a night, every night. Sometimes I wake up crying, or sick enough to throw up. The nightmares are unbearable. Nothing helps. I have constant intrusive thoughts, constant emotional flashbacks. I dissociate and lose large parts of my memory to the point where I lose my friends' names. 

I haven't been clean from self harm for longer than 2 weeks in the 6 years since I started. I've tried everything I can get my hands on - cigarettes, weed, booze, adderall - but nothing makes the LITERALLY CONSTANT crisis I'm in stop.

I should be in a hospital. I can't function. No one suspects, no one asks, but it's so fucking taxing.  No one loves me, and they shouldn't. I'm a bad person, and I'm a sick person. There is no coming back for me. There is no redemption and no reprieve. I am consumed by guilt and horror and sadness and hate and I can't do it for much longer. ",2.633684210526315,4.88656816120907,3.70260970436166,87.12462382341243,77.7153652392947,6.899350391091077,24.805051040699983,7.94452939551167,1.4059813602015114,1588,57,321,27,38,512,206,397,0.261,0.635,0.103,-0.9972,4,2,2,0,1,0,59.0,0,0,7,6,13,26,7,1,15,0,36,11,3,2,0,57,62,24,1,8,13,2,1,2,3,4,4,2,1,3,14,20,1,1,7,0,2,3,21,15,0,9,9,4,49,11,38,48,10,42,3,4,1,3,22,16,5,9,24,213,63,2,0.08518760755902767,0.10093338497677408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551367417495802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793049434767467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059565155915805024,0.08728477094993578,0.07010214256650843,0.07583503154914345,0.07963891358596671,0.0,0.0,0.0655040118956906,0.07112809402304322,0.0519295748851964,0.0,0.07248837966896382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698607186327817,0.0,0.0868544433628557,0.0,0.0,0.14676316177166646,0.0,0.3682301612771419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935745868017078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646362848736125,0.08841128725754542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116331508051757,0.0958245925653952,0.0,0.0880215706913704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177423347986774,0.0,0.07656112874540935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744720284932266,0.1575091409870014,0.0445070089607521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410512601967296,0.0,0.0,0.09601262496575792,0.0,0.057099457669116435,0.09000538451031806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363376253207673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017052651579813,0.08323672412215136,0.0,0.0752222181839415,0.0,0.0,0.1906062854248751,0.0,0.1448469152180216,0.07688514176827907,0.0,0.056863389538264586,0.08636686334114321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799593561643275,0.0,0.06262269336763751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988559785469958,0.0,0.16347961395073618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886266377730463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891815138412634,0.09224987751467204,0.08132121059380645,0.11811672192265893,0.14876506616268695,0.0,0.0,0.08052982421141153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995797545441342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788349394781393,0.0,0.0888692534109337,0.0,0.0,0.14093613855454873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217918344052884,0.0655815821888897,0.08425272211736343,0.0,0.060296227088489626,0.0,0.0680309334379582,0.07122065436790992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974194534173634,0.2967281346309304,0.0,0.10916955839798358,0.0,0.06762944485376546,0.04967357902826202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057836793671158265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028869780418806,0.05024585807312016,0.06761795772360983,0.06833236034657604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796154455625193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210296645161374,0.0931392758911236,0.0,0.16457407884776867
suicidewatch,Mollyisme33,2019/02/06,"How do i get taken seriously? I honestly dont know where to post this but because my mental health is taking a hit and my suicidal thoughts are coming back i suppose here should be ok. Also please forgive grammar and spelling its 4 am and i am very close to a panic attack. 

So the last few months ive been pretty good, i am like 7 months clean from self harm and overall ive been happier. The last few weeks my mental health has taken a MASSIVE hit and i dont know how to stop it. When ever i try and get help or explain how im feeling to people i feel like 90% of the time i dont get taken seriously or people make me feel bad for feeling the way i am. no one knows my reddit account so i dont really give 2 shits what i write but i feel like im going to have to do something insane or something that would really make people go ""shit shes serious."" i have pretty bad fatigue at the minute (2 hours of light activity makes me tired for like 2 days) and i feel like thats not helping but i cant get anything i want to do done and it makes me feel like a failure. I think alot of my problems stem from people either not listening, listening and thinking im insane or making me feel bad when i try to voice my issues. i just want one person who can help me and it just seems too much to ask for :/

to people who did get taken seriously about their mental health or any other conditions, did you have to do something crazy to make people finally believe you? ",3.0869964349376104,3.9965483888888897,4.835199049316699,85.17021390374333,73.281045751634,7.3937017231134865,25.02020202020202,7.686295010490155,1.2016130718954248,1141,34,241,14,22,389,151,306,0.224,0.601,0.175,-0.966,0,0,3,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,0,16,24,3,1,10,1,31,7,2,9,1,60,74,26,1,5,13,0,8,6,0,2,5,3,1,2,11,12,0,1,17,0,1,3,8,14,0,2,10,12,37,10,22,59,5,22,0,1,0,0,18,3,2,7,20,150,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571819376797005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862535456077033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884192041083399,0.0,0.06684683867379462,0.08134642810162072,0.0,0.05498236877567272,0.17910923236793236,0.04358833839442465,0.0,0.0,0.08056082459608835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061594595885693736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046114337777144535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317369241962837,0.33520988054899475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467970454812699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892376529016252,0.20433065479318496,0.0,0.07832943103254164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867901452875158,0.06859340987758365,0.0812750472016447,0.059974387914498876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801708115168476,0.0,0.0,0.14378341177576698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041730102711248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317106404980517,0.07463187891402985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789062789597855,0.11657104473800455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096002425920484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28637792675107393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161784539711242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414804984045746,0.0,0.0525638647285944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690628575111236,0.0,0.0,0.0838948526206841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974323392741294,0.06243476919947491,0.0,0.07849021447597247,0.0,0.0,0.06848132361042288,0.14549109461091264,0.0,0.06841992808496314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161493073551152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509480052309394,0.07459454653921929,0.0,0.14679620812727934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651424378041268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059780770208958264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821406411843741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376231109037593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916340960683991,0.0,0.056766402078776826,0.041694713980092925,0.08218363792934813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970934092859532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589985100391375,0.08435014033722578,0.056756760079636426,0.05735641111372555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079458077941028,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myk1333,2019/02/06,"Watching the Last Door Close ... I have been privy to an epiphany of sorts. A long, hard, look at myself, how I’ve conducted my life. Granted, I did not do this until I had painted myself into a corner and old age is around the corner, but I guess better late than …

I have been screwed up since I was a kid.  My Dad died a couple months before my seventh birthday.  He and my mother were divorced at the time and he wasn’t very “hands-on”, but I had him built up in my mind to mythological proportions as only a boy that age could.  That life event left me devastated for years and what followed wasn’t much better.  Everyone has stories of how they were unfairly treated, even abused as a kid so I will not bore you with the details.  Let’s just say at age seven it was determined by professionals that I was in clinical depression and my environment never gave any reason to come out of it.  Physically underdeveloped, socially awkward, and no self-esteem, kids being kids, my schoolmates picked up on this and did not make it any better.  Not one of the cool kids, not able to fit into a clique, I compensated by antagonizing people making sure that for all their “coolness” they were aware of their flaws – bad habit.  At home my self-esteem, my spirit, was being broken down every day.  I was turned out into the world an emotional and social cripple, already developing a drinking problem.

Subsequently, I have been weak-willed, impulsive, selfish, and insolent through most of my adult life, I have had some unselfish moments and a feigned consideration of others that I use to justify most of my aberrant behavior, but none the less - pretty despicable.  I have taken a lot for granted.  Alcohol has been a big part of my life. I describe it as borderline alcoholism.  Alcohol was a crutch to escape something, everything, and to justify a lot of bad behavior.  I could stop drinking for months, on one occasion two years.  No ill effects other than having to live with myself, but I would always go back – Life is tough when you are not liking who you are.  Not that I am using alcohol as an excuse, it is just a symptom of the problem of “Me”. That “Me” problem has just about destroyed my life. I have been a failure at everything, marriage, careers, parenthood, friendships, finances, and to paint with a broad brush – Life in General.  I have no one to blame but Myself.  Personality defects and neurosis that could pay for the vacation house of a top shelf psychoanalyst.  Yes, I have had some minor accomplishments, but give a month, a year, a decade, I find a way to mess it up – No, Destroy It.   And, I Am Tired. Tired of being “Me”.  I have breezed through a few people’s lives just enough to endear myself and then I screw it up where I am and have to leave, or I Just Leave - I Am Tired of Hurting People, Tired of this Facade of Civility Everyone has, Tired of Hurting Myself.

I had to let go of the longest relationship of my life over a year ago. No doubt she'll be on my mind in my final moments.  We were codependent.  She had issues of her own that was literally killing me.  There was no doubt that if I had stayed with her I would have died of an alcohol related incident or had a heart attack from the stress.  I ended up with a DUI trying to dull my senses over the loss.  Even now I’m trying to deal with the repercussions of that failure.  But, don't think this is all about her. My profession doesn’t do well with an arrest record.  I’ve burned through two retirement plans prematurely, trying to settle in somewhere, make a life for myself and/or my significant other at the time.  But, for all my endeavors to “settle down”, whether by myself or with someone else - my fault, some else’s fault, or no one’s fault it has failed … mostly My Fault … and I Just Drift …

My life is littered with poor choices fueled by fear, false-pride, and alcohol, those not necessarily in the order of significance.  I could never leave things be and Just Be.  I tried to be my own God, have some kind of control, and failed miserably.  No one wants to be around me, my mental and physical health is failing too.  I find myself into the sixth decade of my life (I’m 51) trying to figure out how to piece it back together – Hold It Together.  Trying to figure out how I’m not going to die lonely, destitute, and miserable.  I’m trying to be optimistic, hard for someone of my nature and history.  I think about ending it most days, even if it’s just to crawl under a bridge with the rest of the outcasts and rot. The Future is Uncertain, and the Situation looks Grim … I’m not sure how much longer I will find value staying in this world.",4.706475340136056,6.078331015873019,5.584914257369615,79.56743941326532,69.90702947845804,8.641751700680272,28.40710034013605,9.060804316109325,2.315177380952381,3604,129,681,69,64,1181,376,882,0.249,0.6859999999999999,0.066,-0.9996,2,2,9,0,2,1,122.0,1,3,4,12,30,49,6,8,52,3,84,31,1,14,7,140,109,53,4,12,33,2,2,1,0,5,26,1,2,8,36,48,8,3,10,2,3,6,25,38,1,8,31,9,95,11,127,58,24,93,1,12,3,2,37,48,2,21,36,511,131,8,0.05073206293413562,0.06010919880862878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044970912793592124,0.3253028800263138,0.0,0.0,0.05598409298047955,0.0,0.042213140422028166,0.0,0.0,0.06899908494355572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903245836666438,0.0,0.05771504550598034,0.0,0.0780196497859829,0.08471830694063764,0.0,0.0,0.04316924896395535,0.0,0.0,0.13460516090363453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043701180093910684,0.0,0.0,0.05690032241550375,0.1620216965895009,0.05613406269736233,0.0,0.06543596726733275,0.05230252924768579,0.04369545146675099,0.0,0.1579556152975591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993962155547563,0.0,0.0,0.0847602575706787,0.057066742451911415,0.08986709937118803,0.05241978254620959,0.0,0.10052414730754727,0.0,0.04274395107794192,0.09695332041672247,0.0911894138857983,0.0,0.0,0.057087675153960994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055574495180700116,0.13910455929896032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048666817522086465,0.08649660145895514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588708690529897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089192719259502,0.0,0.0,0.05392581056077167,0.0,0.060117738842310135,0.0,0.0,0.0508883955625128,0.0,0.0,0.05853798920883878,0.10861944527294998,0.0,0.0,0.05295109309949195,0.0,0.0,0.05612751105616072,0.05282963668572363,0.0,0.04135340240956173,0.05722797672282745,0.16115378854690635,0.05512053481795113,0.10375394310515666,0.394169120132974,0.02478512337413779,0.0,0.0895946820506426,0.04489627925179111,0.0852043113362555,0.0,0.0,0.08626117142172683,0.0,0.0,0.10159213784838103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511259871290621,0.0,0.10244984295601277,0.0,0.1214815458657426,0.0,0.07458780712513123,0.0,0.07825538893455898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053234765997823764,0.0,0.17188679400139364,0.03858401993572001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493788035422628,0.0,0.10551367402826717,0.04429728052719848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161274650986436,0.0,0.14563119813963438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052161010109441484,0.0,0.05446724964671832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040344172681131295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584921178421684,0.0,0.0,0.041966086709789935,0.057024964328080976,0.0,0.10342989864403432,0.08597022458465259,0.03905602059104141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814725794405584,0.0,0.04241427624434119,0.05811340668530384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562873785223923,0.05273003834852966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03370412835840223,0.06501411491455097,0.0,0.0,0.0591645477466749,0.2915452167742345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411061841454438,0.05518191639373962,0.09911570765918308,0.0,0.0,0.08763242736094745,0.0,0.041859265012104664,0.029923085140980018,0.04026875017396076,0.0,0.0,0.04561421725361402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207720386883097,0.0,0.0,0.13067914085425528
suicidewatch,orangman99,2019/02/06,"Life still sucks I got fired from the discord server I run

For most people that is not a big deal but that place meant everything to me. There was nothing more important to me then it. I dont have any money or friends or opportunities where I live and I cant get a job

Running that discord Is all that made me happy and now it's gone. 


I was thinking about driving into a tree on the way home but I couldn't bring myself to. I just wish I could go back in time and fix everything and go back to that place. Moderating and owning things makes me so happy. But I cant do that in real life, and I camt get back there. And building a community on your own is so hard, I've done it before. I have a boyfriend who loves me and he helps me but it's like I dont have anything to be excited or happy about anymore.  I was the co owner there and it was my heart and soul. I loved it so much. It was like my baby. I want it back so bad but I respect their decision and I wont cause a fuss. 

I dont have anything to make me happy anymore and its ruining my life. I need some kind of control or power over somthing, running things and planning events makes me so happy ",0.7914247311827971,2.626661637096774,2.7617741935483866,93.66682795698924,81.82258064516128,5.584946236559142,21.22043010752688,6.6274283507984215,0.22442688172043024,898,27,208,9,24,301,127,248,0.08199999999999999,0.68,0.238,0.9939,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,4,18,17,1,0,9,0,23,6,1,6,1,43,42,28,0,5,11,0,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,18,14,0,1,3,0,1,8,8,3,0,0,10,2,34,14,17,28,7,28,1,1,0,2,10,10,1,6,11,148,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658108113647199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419768222365452,0.0,0.0,0.16114057007865235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30114211728396656,0.08174943874651991,0.0,0.0,0.08331285176378604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057891460603467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098126152408316,0.07817190427466625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093927901599244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019430389875474,0.3442438074156347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759875444633623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564380027659752,0.0,0.10230621395953853,0.0,0.11128721961996876,0.0,0.07830630535988575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5211266536843135,0.08770671066161262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602194582364307,0.06562594824583247,0.0,0.09821012544222132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715899658034466,0.0,0.0,0.10195654998787113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074668317481777,0.09566621422303724,0.0,0.08645492617605191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673233829286045,0.09264331170587876,0.19606388630933427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197395214809592,0.07259785078014405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394576693311088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787736868520547,0.0,0.20458691451397373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144121368376632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818978847026592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009200378240274,0.06273576038990528,0.0,0.0,0.057091185443205565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057748921199605716,0.0777151443324238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258984788234824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Omomon,2019/02/06,I ruined the only good thing in my life I said something horrible to my friend and now she doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore. She was the only friend that I could talk to about all my problems and she cared about me and wanted the best for me. And I ruined it. I can’t go on living if the most important person in my life suddenly hates my guts. I just want to die. I’m so stupid. I want to hang myself.,-0.18896551724137825,1.8847214252873603,2.0443793103448265,95.90105172413791,87.6206896551724,4.859310344827586,15.596551724137932,6.2581,-0.5648427586206899,312,6,72,3,10,105,53,87,0.21600000000000005,0.586,0.198,-0.5994,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,1,14,12,6,1,7,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,1,19,5,12,9,3,7,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,2,2,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039333569240471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579986245599891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965724335855065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418176234995385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341529633387868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31774414491996794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168663601953097,0.17247577606739842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302068830193207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29049030152739064,0.0,0.0,0.18157830841047348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31278736243045924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955139928431094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676366204442336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560472102828816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830685460008412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305611283260565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661388095130256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638642199266173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnathonmccain,2019/02/06,"FUCK FUCK FUCK F""UCK FUCK IO WANT TO STAB A KNIFE THTOUGH MY FUCKING JUDULAR I JUST GOT 2,000 COINS FROM THE FUCKING ENVOE:LOWPADS{jiodgajnhpi'asfhgsD)Y {HWIRPs GYTHPSNK;LAFSI;OH;KFLNSAdiFKLSAnok;ds (on stem) AND NOW I NO GET THE FUCKUNNG FIRE AS BADSCVJEKSDFHASDBIPBK:DSFIPHBN:GHASEIPOGNZK:PNK:GAN:KL",8.311035353535352,12.223661568181818,5.357575757575758,65.35914141414146,92.4090909090909,6.501010101010103,27.61616161616161,7.3871296695380915,2.562194949494949,255,10,34,5,9,71,38,44,0.487,0.477,0.036000000000000004,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,1,6,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9801244185955568,0.09231719506929943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132120009687255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422081351840597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,astoria718,2019/02/06,"Not sure how this happened. Hopeless Guys I am so severely hurt. I’ve been really hurt by religious people in the past. Uhm today I literally contemplated cutting my wrists with a razor I had in my hand and if that didn’t work I wanted was going to resort to other means. Then I thought of those people. My mind spiraled. I thought of my parents. And then I thought of those people. And if Allah was real. And the afterlife. And if everyone in the world was as wicked as those people. Since the time those people mentally tortured me I’ve lost low self esteem. If anyone wants to be my friend or shows interest I shut them out. I’ve been in and out of the hospital. And the worse part is having my mother and father suffer. This all came back to my mind when yesterday I went to the hospital for chest pains. I was very stressed with the memories and I went and the doctor said I had irregular heartbeat. I took a cab home and the cab driver was making small talk. He asked where I was from I said Pakistan and he gave me religious greetings and anecdotes connecting to his family. And that is when I told him my Iman was diminishing and I didn’t know if god was real or not. This is when I told him my story. 

    I told him I went to the hospital for so much chest pains. I told him I thought of my past. I said when I was 16ish I was going to school and taking honor classes. The schools religious boy, the guy who would slowly criticize people if they didn’t say Salam properly or anything he became obsessed with me. He would follow me around school. (No one was really living with me, I barely saw my parents who worked night shifts and my brothers were in a different country going to college. My uncle was developing early stages of cancer and later died and he was my next door neighbor so my parents attention went there and I went into a state of shock.)
      Anyway the guy who was an acquaintance would tell everyone he loved me he wanted to be my valentine. I became his valentine. After telling him ten times no. He was desperate and made up a lie stating that he didn’t want to waste his expensive chocolates and roses. My friend at the time told me to go. Then when I went, I went home because I felt uncomfortable. And he told everyone the next day I was going out with him. I said no. He said please I love you. And Allah wants us to be together. Well go to hell because of yesterday. Obviously I was afraid to tell anyone. I said ok, and I said whatever I’ll just break it off in a week and we’ll still be friends and that way no one gets hurt no drama. I try to break up with him. I told him I didn’t see myself in a relationship and that I just “broke up” with “someone”. 
            He starts wailing and crying and telling me how he’s going to kill himself and how his sister is mean to him. And everything. I was like wth, I was a very shy person. And I really was gullible. I didn’t know about suicide watch and I didn’t think of suicide. I loved my life, and I didn’t understand the point of suicide. He was lying obviously but for the next few years he would torment me with those lies and religious manipulation. He would compare me to so many girls. 
             Once I wanted to meet a guy friend who I actually liked and when I got ready, the manipulative bf came to my door showing me the ugliest face making sure I felt bad. Then he made me feel unrelgious. The poor friend was waiting for hrs and I left him because I forgot because I was so distracted by the boy telling me he was going to kill myself if I didn’t run away with him and marry him. The guy friend and I’s relationship after went to shreds. We hate each other for stupid reasons. I never got to tell him about that day and he thinks I bailed on him. 
              Anytime I had a school state test he would show up at my door and pretend to be my dad on the phone and call and explain why I didn’t make it. 
              His sister came to my door and told my mother at 12, “your daughter is a whore. She is begging my brother for sex. She is an ugly bitch” “if I see her at school I will tear her fucking head apart and beat the shit out of her”. I kept telling my religious girl friend. She would just hang out with the guy but pretend to be there you know. 
             His father was a drug dealer and  was arrested for heroin in 2001 and deported to Afghanistan. He told his mother to call my mother and harass her at my house. His mother called and told her she wanted me to marry her son. My mother was in tears saying no. My dad at this point was crying the other day because he’s very religious, we all are, but the guy kept saying we weren’t. Then his siblings and family harassed me saying I was an ugly bitch for not wanting to marry him. 
               Then he said his father would hire a hit man to kill me and him bc of religion. I was like wtf. I went to Pakistan as a way to get away. I come back and my best friend starts flirting with him. 
              She introduces him to his sisters her boyfriend. She flirts with him. She takes posts with him on Facebook. And she tells me he won’t leave her alone. All he does is say he loves her. I told her I went to the hospital bc I collapsed during namaz. I told her I didn’t like her prancing around my ex who was so toxic and distructive. She was like “oh you know he’s so entertaining” and “my sisters love him he’s so funny” I just attended the funeral of my uncle at this point. She didn’t care. She would not leave me alone. She would say “omg wasn’t that crazy yesterday! Me you and him in the same room”. He would compare me to her. Talk over my sentences. They were not close. Now she is married to someone else but they still flirt and I never recieved an apology. 
                  I saw her years later and she gave me a disgusting look. I was working at a shitty retail job but it was a step for me. She saw me speak to my boss and then I was putting away hangers and she took out her phone laughed and made sure she saw me texting someone. 
                   I dated a wall street worker years later and when he called me pretty or when the cab driver called me beautiful I don’t believe it. 25 is old. Five more years thirty. That girl never gave an apology never checked up and she has a career a daughter and a husband and has a YouTube channel and she gives religious dawah and tells people to always eat halal and cover yourself. 
 

The cab driver said to report them. But I’m afraid it’s too late. And I’m disgusted by myself. I can’t make eye contact with anyone. And today I really wanted to kill myself. Because I was so disturbed. And I feel so cheated. I thought Islam taught do good and good will come back to you. And bad people will get punished. I’m so discouraged and I feel like a tortured soul on earth. And I question afterlife. I used to be so ambitious you know. Now I’m just like whatever my life is over. Maybe if I kill myself I’ll show those people and end my misery. ",1.2922208926994756,3.5686142688713183,2.8793412107556264,91.04681509608751,82.80301941049605,5.80468109949387,21.12564954959736,7.100266075600464,0.579034629135526,5332,164,1122,72,149,1748,455,1391,0.173,0.732,0.095,-0.9987,6,2,1,0,0,8,122.0,5,7,5,9,45,78,21,6,61,1,99,24,8,15,12,219,225,129,10,29,29,25,6,7,10,16,7,16,8,15,32,110,1,5,24,9,4,31,32,42,1,4,117,31,242,36,133,84,10,156,5,9,9,8,234,56,5,14,67,739,274,20,0.0,0.0,0.02977505904176373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320192617422891,0.0,0.0,0.025388213777522702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400355879525939,0.0,0.025108564083848067,0.054323838893962834,0.028524360199749587,0.0,0.08600035862203782,0.07038493918520522,0.05095206056634236,0.11159804917074304,0.0,0.0,0.03437628501747703,0.0320201910422718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557795011549899,0.10469191406023326,0.031108754701387638,0.0,0.0,0.05256632846843368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703143223051157,0.05903264868876355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03166637124871754,0.031878276533858316,0.0,0.031230061062493524,0.026701031237798187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035383934146207545,0.031221129562957795,0.025488645449360383,0.0,0.027024347248173517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746583174948762,0.027421986505078082,0.0,0.057527510192082784,0.0,0.04628296093565156,0.021797594743460748,0.05859211483600017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885863708550819,0.02820761402914253,0.04782337796357189,0.029269643404158163,0.13872421000756724,0.051183603520305807,0.04880605511916432,0.0,0.0,0.2114799529776543,0.026981432884707453,0.0,0.0,0.030124028583599638,0.03131385016268667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121153045803832,0.0,0.0,0.03520645394496123,0.097990353338408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030278196121178345,0.0,0.16878361041701587,0.0,0.0838422778846586,0.0,0.03441857422993478,0.06461505894108621,0.033151097205723866,0.0,0.043102691748613836,0.1043454723111682,0.0,0.0269424273874197,0.0,0.025622178891985925,0.0,0.033307170947005284,0.0,0.1376901930888252,0.08661284471458375,0.08146729945617666,0.030934117610808595,0.0306531461238564,0.0664724642177566,0.0,0.0,0.03074865972639568,0.0,0.061616323458455274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022429641262857757,0.0,0.09413014637863856,0.0,0.09734875201955982,0.028633203157880576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032016940839679195,0.0324940096761502,0.04135109236614073,0.0,0.0649332899344874,0.0,0.1016390367653068,0.03304124348420245,0.05825382086242256,0.19037700246179315,0.02664167641980366,0.0,0.033492730460953385,0.08653037601332571,0.0,0.02922181482884525,0.031041411014133883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030672728337826687,0.034180134234421705,0.0,0.0,0.06945808504946688,0.07818641347356019,0.03137115273278684,0.0,0.06551638490193826,0.0,0.0,0.26121288578836904,0.14558497242314022,0.0,0.15439756038919053,0.04862781637257718,0.0,0.031830401506418624,0.03446958389430707,0.03131986493043702,0.02523962846976954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755750052362244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043192736382607934,0.0,0.04873343351211795,0.0,0.03495109763254435,0.0,0.0,0.10012468122035006,0.0,0.08627086787176348,0.0,0.04588206584297467,0.04904836527552205,0.240017468092409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039101384817740684,0.0,0.1211145756675562,0.053374926784381,0.0,0.057843127973528,0.3498633269979505,0.06779933657344656,0.02071547012873141,0.0,0.0,0.03176379971262881,0.03670186908727717,0.026352348788079932,0.0,0.07552614835612102,0.16196954487688467,0.048437601550093363,0.02447467917453209,0.0,0.02743372057495165,0.282846907284386,0.02753210156189971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663873520292649,0.0,0.0310940720203166,0.2384213287870389,0.0,0.0,0.07859424650954296
suicidewatch,Reaver858,2019/02/06,"Come to think of it. . . I'm thinking about this sub today, I'm subscribed to it, and I see a lot of posts here. This made me think about my own relationship with suicide. To be clear I am not suicidal. I've attempted suicide many, many, times in the past and while I still think about suicide almost every day, I've not attempted or voiced my thoughts in a great long while.

​

So, I reply to a very small amount of posts here. I was thinking about this, and my own relationship with suicide, like I said.. I've found a couple of factors that correspond to the posts that I respond to ( again, very few ) and my own experience with suicide.

A couple of things I've noticed right off the top:

1) A time limit. I'm not going to respond to a person who places a time limit on their suicide. Ex: I'm going to kill myself next week. . . Who knows when they're going to 'attempt' to kill themselves? There are a ton of things that need together at a 'certain point' to even 'attempt' suicide. I put these phrases apart, because, suicide as I've found it is a fleeting emotion. I do label it as an emotion, because it makes you inclined to act in a certain way ( ex: if you feel angry you might get violent, but if you're angry you'll never be calmer ' ) So, you're suicidal, you'll NEVER find a will to live in your suicidal thoughts. Anyways, a time limit has it's own issues.

A) If you're going to kill yourself 'tonight', what the fuck can anyone to do convince you  

otherwise?

B) If you're labeling 'when' you're going to 'attempt' suicide. I FEEL, it's more about att-                   

ention seeking than anything else. Like, oh, you're going to kill yourself TONIGHT? Let         

me see what I can do to talk you off the ledge. The problem is, you're not on a ledge,  

you're posting to Reddit. Which if you didn't have a time frame on your suicide means

I would probably try to talk to you.

2) Relationship to others. If you're saying that you're going to kill yourself because of a guy or gal. I won't even attempt to talk to you. This is a subject that could not be farther apart from MY condition. Which is, sustained and lasting, crippling depression. 

​

Anyways, my hope is that people gain a perspective on this subject. What can I, anyone, say to you if you're saying that you're going to kill yourself over a a high school romance? What can I say to you if you're saying you're going to kill yourself or because of your finals? That doesn't describe 'suicidal'. While that certainly describes the beginning stages of 'becoming' suicidal. That's not an appropriate definition for what this is. Asking ways that you 'could' act on your suicidal feelings is against the rules of this thread. But, if you're hurting and just want out, and you've felt this way for a long time. We can help you.

​

Please, don't take this thread lightly. This shit is hard. So don't say you're going to kill yourself in 'X amount of time' That's for attention. Personally, I don't give attention. I give help, when I can.

​

Goodnight guys,

It's hard, but for whatever reason you may want to kill yourself. Just give it one more day. ",3.19249590834697,5.085053728314243,4.094954991816697,86.63182692307693,74.72831423895255,6.6639934533551575,27.952945990180034,7.468242284971852,1.588356137479542,2432,99,477,30,52,782,231,611,0.184,0.715,0.101,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,0,11,111.0,1,19,1,11,22,24,12,0,33,0,40,2,1,3,6,78,87,33,25,17,23,2,6,2,0,7,0,8,0,4,44,13,0,3,19,0,0,14,14,15,0,1,9,17,48,9,75,65,11,76,0,2,2,1,50,24,2,17,32,298,92,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037667211025985234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630286361213565,0.1828313000895342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260427177494857,0.0,0.030954944236084105,0.0,0.03516608820817538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172199513016237,0.04154416001718352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03240304306136703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006698217512067,0.08324326468454138,0.0,0.048518700423401895,0.0,0.032398795465486574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031423525292146044,0.08462636977159736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049690317544651814,0.0,0.03169328801682653,0.0,0.0,0.03679588148637018,0.0,0.0,0.057059673745563866,0.0,0.036117470544429806,0.041206730724072174,0.03438054392208322,0.0,0.0,0.0824884880770003,0.0,0.03477558957132016,0.01965292257919068,0.10825471855261813,0.21378164889472184,0.0,0.0,0.041472015729751004,0.0,0.07449194431500353,0.0,0.0,0.06739348970493074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042671916571577,0.0397436020706631,0.0,0.03736139439300757,0.0,0.0,0.040268941878890116,0.0,0.0,0.039261561041651794,0.0,0.0,0.3745509705675415,0.0,0.020672890953691854,0.030662240153047495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846513388195059,0.0,0.03675477038595519,0.0,0.03321581172771331,0.06657834258776253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031979965370450614,0.0,0.0355933772147124,0.02510911917651791,0.07627388666570803,0.0,0.04097509153100885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990486534640746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02789195075407801,0.058023896196429385,0.0,0.040005277086000865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042826316183957734,0.0,0.0,0.02548972442272129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0359089386854886,0.026078350864926138,0.06569006536389947,0.0393009440584792,0.041291314002298615,0.035559486865054016,0.0,0.14410376403578873,0.0,0.04055664773028909,0.03599364269078077,0.0,0.037814691118747086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038675739489610325,0.0,0.12115722952635533,0.0,0.03212404664500326,0.035781639578005585,0.17948356934792434,0.0,0.0380696232255616,0.05995051485656167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861250962682613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03004036216015522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6583366352041662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02828271630473805,0.09070347911401833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499810906797606,0.12051477561051042,0.0,0.0597261543662375,0.15354024410272848,0.0,0.035655778539981406,0.0,0.0,0.025538944422220072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062074642551513064,0.04437404272692543,0.08957401446210121,0.030173462987118788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026721483672589558,0.0,0.1828313000895342,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrWay993,2019/02/06,"completely lost the world is being cooked alive and theres nothing we can do about it. Overpopulation, consumerism, and this looks and materialistic obsessive culture is just getting worse. It recently hit 12 C! In February! I have absolutely no social life, and every day hurts to wake up.  

​

lmao XD",5.2036477987421375,8.584838830188684,5.888962264150944,68.57482704402517,75.79245283018868,8.816352201257864,31.474842767295605,9.2995712137729,3.7496691823899377,250,12,38,7,6,81,48,53,0.203,0.634,0.163,-0.1869,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,6,3,1,0,0,6,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,7,0,5,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881401458066489,0.3231397791158753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788274824877513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150588690371502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406146177810596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893990926304428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846886058919285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783754940231592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331817796846334,0.0,0.2902991490507405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551715253287711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625784422722479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27108694560647423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710101876374447,0.0,0.0,0.3231397791158753,0.0
suicidewatch,kombatwombat9852,2019/02/06,"Where do I go? I once had this perfect picture of life. I like to believe there is hope. But recently my friends have left me for other things. My grades are falling under, and causing immense stress, the people I thought were the closest to me now couldn’t be farther. The other people in my life are going on to do wonderful things, while I’m trapped in those endless circle of what people always push off as self pity. I can’t take this anymore. I found myself coming over vast stages of depression these past few years but now it’s so frequent that i can’t get out of this cycle of hopelessness. Where do I turn from here? I’m scared because the other voice keeps telling me the only answer is the thing I fear most. I don’t want things to end, but I feel like it’s the only way out of this hell.",2.2365235173824125,4.238317355828221,3.0541349693251547,92.52067075664623,77.89570552147241,5.328261758691207,23.136605316973416,6.079149491110277,0.38012752556237217,631,20,131,4,15,199,103,163,0.17800000000000002,0.731,0.091,-0.9604,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,1,3,7,0,15,2,0,1,1,19,30,7,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,17,4,0,1,5,0,0,5,4,7,0,0,4,2,18,5,21,24,2,29,1,3,0,0,3,14,1,3,10,92,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575568724717198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988442691935774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212995113855728,0.0,0.0,0.17027638829813374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525636354953648,0.0,0.13018865408446018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017158813205182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385996314593393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700678923803401,0.07641794746833644,0.1079702389195308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571075160855042,0.11676583906292527,0.0,0.07896133503774043,0.0,0.1717859960550648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501102733324315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433494182964995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420765354491185,0.0,0.2135009839821369,0.14767298486961947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609528954675145,0.0,0.22988860318210494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427460989424545,0.31433208850945044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922670141300956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131161042193522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157665838639542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731236132380046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363404241364244,0.0,0.13209787430317105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016271504468304,0.0,0.0,0.11998360209340665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439051324619025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914281427154683,0.11996322240144305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389849616143398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732541219807743
suicidewatch,-NotDeadYet-,2019/02/06,Bleeding out and drunk as hell Life was shit. gg ez,-1.552727272727271,0.20096690909091208,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,107.1818181818182,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.7490363636363635,40,1,10,0,2,12,11,11,0.498,0.282,0.221,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668670396248152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8238092979488627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fairyloss,2019/02/06,"Ughjks I've had suicidal thoughts for the last 11 years, since I was 14, when I was a teenager I held on because I thought it's just because I'm in high school and high school sucks for a lot of people...
I got to 20 and still wanted to kill myself and thought ""well I've made it to 20 so 2 old to kill myself now... Teens kill themselves adults don't"" 
...and then a musician that I followed from a band I loved killed himself.... 

Tragic but it broke that barrier in my head... I realize it sounds so dumb to say that but depression isn't fucking  logical... 

I started therapy in November... I thought Id try to live and or try to enjoy life.... 

My therapist brought up at our last session how if you aren't really ready for change change isn't going to happen... 
I didn't think I didn't want to change and then he randomly said that and I don't know that I do...

I still intend to go to our next scheduled session as of right now....but 

I had 6 panic attacks at work today... I haven't had a panic attack in years and now they are back ???? I cant keep this going anymore... Maybe I should try anti depressants and anti anxiety meds i don't know anymore what to do with myself it just feels like i try to get better and then another thing happens and another and another nothing can be okay...

When I was 18 I made a bucket list... I completed it last year... 

I don't have anything else that would be on that list that I can complete on my own... So it's not possible to complete... 

So why am I still here...why am I still trying to stay...",0.8679952830188675,2.8552737044025207,2.8686438679245287,92.1956073113208,82.39622641509433,6.2391509433962264,22.83058176100629,7.413659706084162,0.8701977987421388,1170,41,261,18,32,393,161,318,0.194,0.743,0.062,-0.9919,1,0,0,0,0,2,71.0,2,1,1,2,17,21,9,2,7,1,29,4,1,4,0,43,58,27,5,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,18,13,0,3,10,1,0,5,12,15,1,0,18,4,39,6,33,36,2,42,0,4,0,2,11,13,3,4,24,165,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453191520235793,0.05965756633695617,0.0,0.15467839745537545,0.0,0.0,0.06417420861930233,0.0,0.0,0.17743617512753088,0.0,0.0599649022254511,0.0,0.09507667669451264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897053357514307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24749027716492256,0.0,0.24529430224161175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433505441709448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651456469206422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039431066636399004,0.0557118036616722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209497529663296,0.04074343484378788,0.0,0.13296035712920914,0.0,0.062370949462562886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792203305682255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003410893204099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478880989823536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931578534056411,0.3451110813107275,0.0,0.0857159623165993,0.19070216841383086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550824237318374,0.038099055913551005,0.0,0.06886132357456952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629923005737523,0.07038362804504975,0.14758074170134125,0.0,0.0,0.0783454357493804,0.0,0.08662267249858299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293689621954838,0.0,0.0,0.07482777606065462,0.0,0.0818311168227722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829949035169193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054064304431932116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791527185038328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995856386581453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659793199334896,0.07418066676220574,0.062016027419425725,0.0,0.15784799509265632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450919206226616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519749489058005,0.08312059546992555,0.2491125751753667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530186697944571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918152995470806,0.09054546465041184,0.05180912160333102,0.04996901491892767,0.0,0.2476424225542363,0.0,0.0,0.07391973808956445,0.0,0.0,0.264730172790589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199399790615764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011700475986674,0.0,0.14073690741222095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567732996167902,0.0,0.0,0.05539761450524824,0.0,0.0,0.15065746755580586
suicidewatch,ORDtoDFW,2019/02/06,"I’m not really sure why I’m posting but it just feels like I should. I’ll go on a short rant about my backstory. I moved from Chicago to Dallas. In Chicago, I worked for a decent company had great pay and lived with cheap rent (with my mom). The company I was working for only hired me temporary and I kept trying to become permanent. Eventually I had, had enough and started interviewing at different companies.

Long story short, another company hires me that’s based in Dallas. So I packed up and moved here. At first I thought it would be similar. I was taking a pay cut, but I knew that I could work hard and make it up. Now I realize I made a terrible mistake and it eats me. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

This new company is shit on wheels. The level of incompetence on how this place is ran, is insane seriously. It’s like they try to make things harder purposely or things are rushed without a single thought. It bums me out.

I didn’t realize I was working for the superior company. I should’ve stayed. I should’ve held out longer. Now each night I go home and question my own decision making. I question my worth. I question everything about myself.

I’m going to therapy. But I’m so sick of this shit. I feel like a failure and I don’t know how to shake it. I’m normally a positive person. But I just feel like I’m stagnant or declining. I feel like shit. 

Thanks for reading if you made it that far

TL;DR: Moved for a job opportunity, realized I potentially fucked up my life big time. Feel like shiitake mushrooms.  ",1.501472781506337,4.085104587248323,3.5960514541387063,84.02433072334081,85.34228187919462,7.472184936614468,24.38516032811335,8.430304187100639,2.0653196122296804,1189,48,232,31,36,403,161,298,0.19,0.674,0.136,-0.9509,3,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,1,6,11,20,5,1,11,0,16,7,3,7,1,55,46,19,0,6,11,1,6,6,0,2,2,0,2,1,16,13,1,2,16,1,5,9,4,9,0,1,15,6,37,11,30,27,5,38,0,0,0,1,8,18,4,6,15,141,53,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711503902965403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228613464450764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394564511488907,0.0,0.0,0.059729096968525824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676309868725556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947683993461622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569618683804973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803224145283985,0.0,0.08323650695398202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341449624165531,0.3308213367598597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877838223528925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562119527180033,0.0,0.0,0.1579059380258918,0.0,0.0,0.10210850774592303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829649649826898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290052673045544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190622574071304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089885333355945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541680524867258,0.27148244597826265,0.0,0.08178085654643677,0.08196147559035087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526935062501928,0.18546395525859646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084697208641871,0.0,0.29530567836924204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944826964105726,0.0,0.08691302555066006,0.09074316331114116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043797973554712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808679591528525,0.09676309868725556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869969331940007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112504245851733,0.0,0.09264019293391858,0.0,0.0593316238011581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28520429997994523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555346567628655,0.09871540570693828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728866393644055,0.0,0.06963505163811888,0.0,0.0,0.08526756843611814,0.10591347260294552,0.0,0.12305875407842536,0.0,0.0,0.147052135962714,0.05400462707340928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575918765811162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357074943095116,0.0,0.0,0.08927768030709751,0.0,0.26969967061993805,0.0,0.0,0.06579113106884303,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alternative-account-,2019/02/06,"i survived [update] I’m sorry if this is against the rules, feel free to remove it if it is.

Almost a year ago I made an attempt to kill myself.  Because of some miracle I survived it. The day after I made a post on this subreddit seeking help. I wasn’t really expecting much, just a place to voice my feelings. I spent the next 6 months feeling weird and out of place. I felt numb, like it wasn’t supposed to be around anymore, but still was. 

Then my life started to fall apart even more than it already was. I had purchased the means to make the next attempt more “permanent.” Two days before the date I set, I was finishing a fifth of vodka, and I got a text from a friend from highschool. He asked how I was and everything came pouring out. Everything about my depression, everything about my past attempt, and, most importantly, everything about my next attempt. I didn’t think he would really care as much as he did. I was expecting the whole “it gets better” or “when life throws you a curve ball...” type of treatment.  But he was different. He understood what I felt as he himself was going through something.

The next day proceeded as normal. Went to work, ran some errands, ect. But when I got home in the evening, I opened my door to find my parents sitting in the kitchen. My friend from highschool had contacted my parents and told them everything. I spent the next 10 days in a psych ward. 

At first I hated that hospital. I had the mindset that I was just going to say what I had to say and do what I had to do to get out as quick as possible, then go forward with my suicide plan. Around day 3 something changed. Family and friends started visiting, everyone was showing support. I thought if there was ever time, ever a chance that I’d fix myself it’d have to be here. I’d have to at the very least try. 

The next week I devoted my time to help myself. Thinking about the problems in my life, trying to piece my life back together. At the end of the week I was released and went back to my day to day life. I decided to make changes. I enrolled in college, I started seeing a counselor, kicked the booze and cigs, as well as getting out of a abusive relationship. 

This last year has really taught me a lot about myself, as well as life in general. I am still dealing with my share of issues; though I am feeling far better than in the past, I still sometimes get those thoughts. The bad thoughts, the ones about depression, anxiety, suicide, ect. And when I have them, I obviously feel terrible and sad, but I also feel strangely comforted by them. I don’t really know why. But I know that it isn’t right, so I pull back. 

I’m taking it one day at a time, trying to improve myself one little bit at a time. Even though I’ve been so blessed for what seems like a second chance in life, I still can’t shake the depressive thought and feelings. I feel like such shit for still having these thoughts, while other people may never get the help I got. 

This is my story, thanks for reading. Stay strong you guys.",4.0302745731425915,5.396436663282576,4.623028380249192,85.84129845408401,71.53807106598985,7.8769573911705875,29.337063528687892,8.367750914986694,2.033558037225042,2352,94,472,37,44,750,264,591,0.112,0.731,0.156,0.973,3,0,3,0,0,3,82.0,0,2,3,12,38,32,3,1,39,0,41,11,1,5,4,78,98,43,3,8,11,2,10,3,3,2,8,3,3,1,24,22,2,0,24,4,4,14,7,13,2,6,42,14,69,20,77,51,12,100,1,4,1,0,30,28,1,11,59,321,93,8,0.0,0.06381790586695547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774559528816311,0.0,0.05393521839707355,0.0,0.059438283102889185,0.043073586253145564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120443975593384,0.0,0.05341683461822885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958975646350212,0.0503538912496132,0.0,0.0,0.12425013386885983,0.04497269174023106,0.032833900522578084,0.0,0.04583276971466448,0.0,0.0,0.0952734873420783,0.058803578182507386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160401400050936,0.05491610820278164,0.0,0.11395814302383787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778933329439321,0.05552956875634391,0.13917431593443236,0.0,0.0,0.056274540728352265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047705926895365014,0.0,0.0,0.1067264361758237,0.09744289703112807,0.0,0.05146764553909644,0.2420393860993917,0.0,0.050776493702014425,0.0,0.2178747957038587,0.0384791703487533,0.1034323279427211,0.0,0.04922908000192817,0.045815164455842036,0.0,0.0,0.12484141900156515,0.0,0.14070389638327382,0.0,0.09183339786799408,0.0,0.12923557835740354,0.0,0.0,0.05333205161752837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317777677313625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830810287657744,0.0,0.054028183740533225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056218148668630716,0.0,0.0,0.05959055000104865,0.0,0.05920251901406029,0.043904886349489886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663112803185764,0.07894305872021751,0.05398407998835982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045791720958480144,0.0,0.1019314422955593,0.07190688079398193,0.0,0.0,0.058671732001619174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042992298529407336,0.0,0.07918983696803067,0.0,0.041541853356817336,0.0,0.34369839941381136,0.0,0.05277352532990867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949527317052532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961521002062947,0.0,0.10283513951021504,0.03734127138759972,0.0,0.11254908145670453,0.0,0.0,0.060721543720458925,0.051585103949883714,0.0,0.0,0.05153885638345355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387678134607777,0.0,0.1380220321744326,0.0,0.0,0.057827851305302214,0.0,0.04599802917186407,0.0,0.08566677531809104,0.0,0.0,0.04292120419500956,0.049034128935406096,0.0,0.0,0.05528877989255111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293151447758633,0.05327109846120712,0.06029432925808512,0.11437183877320467,0.05740994443476389,0.21507213431828226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783302118530853,0.061122192469449575,0.0,0.0,0.04049767527800713,0.0,0.0,0.04958908217971195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902545280714396,0.1058386867985621,0.2138028733756038,0.12562994062786526,0.0,0.0,0.05146764553909644,0.0,0.10970670571491832,0.0,0.052615548258001466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444196041786133,0.0,0.0,0.0864100246170907,0.0,0.09685718261372388,0.0998616081829764,0.04860226270503253,0.06013522887514216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392123270767161,0.0,0.0,0.038262165382531285,0.0,0.0,0.06937098875966306
suicidewatch,eedwards1130,2019/02/06,"I’m just done. My life is an utter shit show. I have lost 3 of my really close friends in the last month and a half.2 to suicide and one to a car crash. Before, they were the only thing keeping me alive. Now I have nobody. Nothing. I’m just so lost In all of it. I cry for hours every day and there is just a piece missing from me since they died. My depression, anxiety, PTSD and OCD are getting worse by the day and I just hate the life I am living. ",0.17206185567010124,2.0618330618556726,2.061041237113404,97.56269587628869,84.36082474226805,5.1171134020618565,17.94742268041237,6.2581,-0.3830569072164951,345,8,83,3,10,114,66,97,0.319,0.629,0.052000000000000005,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,2,7,7,2,0,8,0,8,3,1,0,1,12,16,6,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,1,4,0,12,1,9,12,2,10,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,6,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436681120506493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980577660954026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629181646842992,0.2422336690657693,0.0,0.16175369559426367,0.0,0.19490895624599572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218677799902928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582313906613038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450954563789533,0.0,0.09811885938162294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541571824058414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849472638633481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669271582239842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308379798371516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653003905667106,0.0,0.0,0.16583271760347906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100164097615491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990186492096075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802012045691424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725958066702486,0.14283197921034133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953063487120755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031085061069835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927761831442646,0.1553518589939077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054250438932314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476738735388458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913864103757444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MelissaArt94,2019/02/06,"Please help me kill myself. Today is possibly the last straw for me. It is just another bright sunny day. If you are happy, it might be a good day but to me, this is the start of my most serious and realistic plan towards suicide. The reason for my suicide would be: i have nothing else to live for.

Since young my mother is verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. Criticisms and condescending words, never a praise. From my looks to my abilities, she is always quick to stir up drama and problems at home. I, as a young child, always at her mercy. Once, when I was 9, she chased me with a kitchen knife and I will never forget that. My mother has a bunch of toxic sisters who would bully and judge me when I was small, making fun of my appearance or behaviour, every little thing about me was shameful. I could never distance myself from them because I will be forced to meet them by my tyrant of a mother and my father would ignore everything and not take my side because he thinks ignoring will calm things. From young, I am deeply affected by toxic adults, thinking I was always in the wrong and I have never had anyone stand up for me.

I am writing this because when I die, I want people to know what drove me to my suicide. It was extreme emotional pain and helplessness for over 20 years. I was a victim in a circumstance I couldnt control because I am an idealistic and sensitive soul. All I want is one person to actually put my needs first.

My parents know about my depression. My mother told me I was possessed and under a curse. She is ridiculous like that. So, imagine when I am trying to open up to her. My dad knows of my depression but choose to do nothing. Keeping his eyes closed to my pain and suffering. 

I did move out and live on my own. I suffered from eating disorders and would lie in bed starving most of the days. Because of that, I was back in the only place I can call a home but no longer serves as a home to me. 

Today, i fought with my mother because she refuse to understand why I didnt want to meet my toxic relatives who have hurt me. My mother screamed and threw a metal ladle at me. She told me she could do whatever she wanted. My father was there but chose to do nothing.

So I was a good student in school and in university when I have to drop out at 4th year and start over again because of my depression and suicidality. When I posted here the last time, I was very convinced to kill myself but didnt do it. I wanted the suicide to be perfect. 

Now, I regret living on. What is there in the future for me? I have no one. No best friend, no sibling, no parent who would care for me. It is an easy exit. I cant go on supporting myself and my painful baggage. Somehow, I think life would be better if I let it all go. Stop fighting and stop trying to make things better because it will never be.

I dont need suggestions of help either. I have spent a year reading depression help books, visiting psychiatrists, going for therapy and eating meds. Why try so hard when the issue is your toxic parents?

I want a 100% fullproof method to die. Guns are not accessible here. I guess I would swallow something lethal.

This is not a cry for help. I have been pushed to take this route by my monster of a mother. I think she would be happier if I died. I would be happier too. ",3.117793994995832,4.933683359327219,4.4018887962190725,84.68224103419517,74.73394495412843,7.141684737281067,25.346566583263826,7.9396628663295825,1.4822578593272169,2583,88,506,39,55,851,285,654,0.249,0.623,0.128,-0.9988,3,0,2,1,2,6,76.0,0,2,2,8,24,41,6,1,29,0,74,9,1,5,8,102,111,43,11,25,14,14,1,1,1,14,4,1,5,3,22,28,4,7,11,3,1,10,18,25,0,3,22,5,105,16,78,63,8,80,3,9,3,0,53,31,0,10,37,384,127,4,0.0,0.06539704305399296,0.0538623527602751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777997126925615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057876764383026164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0385936235749953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042441543867150495,0.0,0.2691708512757564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792374157683895,0.0976309747079952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056360260661519924,0.0,0.05627497555281937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061905879774571335,0.08813742386817124,0.0,0.06062910981573692,0.10678861605572916,0.0,0.190157471899264,0.0,0.1718510707008718,0.0,0.06325824568680473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468812260557417,0.0,0.0,0.11295651785177276,0.0461083355250236,0.12417387977372422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650416349486699,0.0,0.04960570215670436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694883421418992,0.0,0.0,0.042643515914312986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410576220861794,0.09258988553090257,0.0,0.0,0.060803509295542686,0.0,0.0,0.05875609810321731,0.049443873763804436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798416569130715,0.0,0.1660952397392065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059087383294121026,0.0,0.0,0.0576092342572759,0.0,0.049059847261268635,0.12213016742210485,0.0,0.09100117668242226,0.08998257476088617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056440621558371526,0.03898585699905495,0.02696548635687916,0.05531988483904463,0.14621457436478713,0.0,0.046349894253149115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368617498928777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061309196184731435,0.0,0.0,0.058553166882676776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866354424854664,0.0,0.0818527782519613,0.2128489125122754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588832578206891,0.0,0.0,0.05878086788401279,0.07480311360335956,0.04197828057841595,0.1761940973868884,0.0,0.18386252886312468,0.0,0.0,0.03826525956079909,0.04819414031843902,0.057667021705914576,0.0605875293299107,0.0,0.06222406321621302,0.052861547525363616,0.0,0.0,0.05281415558963822,0.0,0.055486214537301036,0.0,0.0,0.05520993115388951,0.0,0.0,0.056749647166769876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586028125985435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045657869906157576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249180342998215,0.0,0.0,0.07813460253625036,0.0,0.0,0.09229097391519224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30187182793582434,0.06263462578687921,0.0,0.0,0.08299953368146475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312028662169414,0.0,0.11000730555580088,0.14146689546538402,0.0,0.0,0.03218464522025781,0.0,0.10463680220744072,0.1054823653482101,0.0,0.11242133472551252,0.0,0.0,0.05745993593929055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554165103614957,0.19533262722430966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996097951966258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528804649073317,0.06034706194458014,0.0,0.10663130065889864
suicidewatch,InTheWeeLittlehours,2019/02/06,"sorry for wasting your time I'm sorry for wasting your time but i just need to tell someone.

  some time ago i thought i couldn't get anymore blue, everyone who i think cared about me either died or was gone with the wind leaving no trace and i planned on killing myself with only one thing holding me back being the only bridge near me was under construction and i didn't have thick enough rope. A girl  who i was friends with for some time decided to vent to me; she's  sweet girl, city slicker who lived all over down town Toronto, she grew up in an abusive household with parents who lived the good life and planned to keep living the good life, they abused her and shit, she went on and on about what her parents did to her and how she planned on killing herself. Her parents were the main source of negativity in her life and on top of that she was bullied at school, the boys dissed her for cutting after everyone found out, she was called to the principles office and told her to show him her wrists but that sly girl talked her way out of that shit. I thought fair is fair and told her my story, like i said people who i think cared for me left or died -death plays a big part in every bodies lives i'm no different-. the next day we talked again, it started off with a how was your day and all that jazz but quickly turned to emotional shit again. i don't remember what i said exactly but it led up to me confessing that i planned on killing myself, she started to fucking sob and said,""Its funny, i don't want you to leave but i want to fucking end it all."" i started fucking crying too of course, it was the first time anybody said some shit like that to me, this convinced me not to end it all. I'm gonna skip the next few months of this, its just sappy shit and us getting closer and slowly just stopped talking, she started to leave me on read and shit, when i see her in public she acts very passive aggressive towards me . At one point we just started to grow apart, nothing great lasts forever i know but we made plans to get a place together and get her out of the godforsaken hellhole called her parents house, i was happy for once and i fucking loved it, i loved her -in a friendly way-. It must have been something i did, like literally all my friends and my family say i always find a way to fuck things up.  I feel alot more blue than i did before i met her, i started harming myself, it started off with just a lighter really close to my hand then turned into cutting, and i wrote a suicide note -its just me saying i lover her, care for her, and pointing out all the good things about her and saying i'm sorry for fucking up-. The bridge opens in a few months and i just need a few hundred bucks for rope, i already know how to tie a hangman's noose since i'm into outdoorsy shit. I think i get attached to easily.

Take what you wish from this, i'm a selfish asshole i know.",5.521812971342385,5.3858847333333335,5.4416616390145816,86.69410633484165,67.47863247863248,8.181498240321769,31.052036199095024,7.39963492309942,1.7206953242835592,2279,81,484,19,34,710,258,585,0.209,0.6409999999999999,0.15,-0.9923,5,0,1,0,1,3,52.0,4,5,1,7,19,42,19,0,27,0,22,22,10,5,8,96,82,34,7,7,17,4,3,3,4,2,3,6,0,4,30,38,0,3,14,4,1,6,8,22,0,3,27,13,91,20,80,51,18,84,1,1,3,9,76,44,14,6,34,320,121,2,0.0,0.12611356317811126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717615742831916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058729392397503036,0.0,0.04428315180600704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277975872041963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092275486712283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04528614516972957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059115220087693675,0.0,0.0,0.10868676872443746,0.0,0.16278345365403699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584594709034993,0.06864475950147708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046753721554378,0.055603382397564884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059865131895128564,0.09427392428124486,0.054990298398181765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044839991894687306,0.10170763329111923,0.0,0.0,0.05017090783111792,0.0,0.026909538984050317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864194936109744,0.04526874988003298,0.0,0.058352783321407885,0.12335249777172018,0.29520518420488684,0.13902579131107548,0.0,0.0,0.13391477465863744,0.0,0.058675037067504064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665348572504737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140852437504725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473042194123693,0.17663952985333606,0.0,0.08774466022374999,0.043381254706221985,0.0,0.16905630831985702,0.057823487818449086,0.0,0.11277219374377195,0.07800154430122523,0.0,0.18797629679260505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606592690895213,0.050357878455681314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495910173022563,0.0,0.0,0.07892364118711001,0.0,0.0,0.1131997601087409,0.0,0.0,0.05106585057821456,0.0,0.0,0.05667736910852605,0.07212625183640259,0.08095213931100363,0.0,0.0,0.2363772383482529,0.05763187650348159,0.0,0.03689592070059973,0.0,0.055603382397564884,0.0,0.10061986007647547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323421989344893,0.0,0.034093978089177954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028767904615544,0.0,0.20249693598273086,0.1269676057359152,0.0,0.05386129693964484,0.042409304437320494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824056476711527,0.04402398328800751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509297896363164,0.04097121586976511,0.0,0.1787256867537383,0.2636848269902496,0.0,0.0,0.04449415075240302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582138428073042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001467973884206,0.12832822098272675,0.04651646656362024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060706465566887,0.10230333107810703,0.0,0.08450118133091998,0.1551645188681911,0.0,0.0,0.10170763329111923,0.0,0.0,0.11577575874147455,0.0,0.0,0.06401688809612192,0.0,0.0,0.04391192336051857,0.06278085489752468,0.12673024270384287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933530433804408,0.0,0.0,0.06120016405505025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DEMD3M,2019/02/06,Everyone hates me and I want to go away I think I have just been a pain to everyone I've met and I'm pretty sure that my parents hate me too. Everyone thinks I'm smart just because I'm in the good classes in school but my grades say another story. My parents get so disappointed and It just makes my wants to disappear for they're own good.,1.4407738095238116,3.4537607361111142,3.3353174603174587,89.47000000000001,80.5277777777778,7.447619047619049,24.174603174603178,8.418075326091056,1.5336603174603178,271,10,60,6,7,91,49,72,0.181,0.66,0.159,-0.5771,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,13,15,5,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,9,4,7,13,1,5,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,32,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883202161118125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687346971008266,0.0,0.0,0.10947897965534252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148299680394499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383057610824692,0.0,0.10206754337088918,0.3012702496213018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546242541277824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988054745597675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911009300032428,0.0,0.3988362922435321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827119038446644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282054527360918,0.0,0.1817589554471976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926544251918038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301534701421689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118586676634045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluecheesesmells,2019/02/06,"No reason to live I need help. Hey guys it’s been 10 years since suicide has come to my mind I’m 30 now twice I got really
Lucky that I didn’t do it when I was super under the influence. And the suicidal thoughts won’t Leave my head it’s all in waves 6 months it’s ok then 6 months I just want to die it’s hard To get up which has been bad for my music lately I’m a music producer so I’m working from home and I’m super lonely 99.9 of the time I just got engaged but it was super impulsive and doesn’t feel rite I have no money at the moment in my bank I have medical bills are just getting more and more. I have recently come out as bisexual Over the past summer and broke up
With my gf who
I was with for 5 years because It just didn’t feel rite but moved rite into the next serious relationship 2 seconds later. Basically just deleted my past 10 years and moved to another city. Everything feels wrong my life feels like it’s at a dead end I just don’t want to live anymore . I  once went to a Klinik for 3 weeks for heavy depression and suiciDal thoughts it didn’t do shit it was a band aid they gave me a shit load of meds and I was fucked for half a year cuz of all that meds I received in that time if I I just can’t cope with my life anymore I just don’t know what to do guys I’m fucked I feel broken and I don’t know if i can be fixed it doesn’t feel possible I have tried therapy it never really worked for me and I’m
On meds as well it’s all not working lately I haven’t been able to sleep much and I feel like I’m losing my shit.. ",0.04500621118012305,1.8537600927536249,2.380082815734994,95.55521739130435,84.30434782608695,6.029813664596274,18.262939958592135,7.2259226712905225,0.04838964803312607,1212,29,298,18,35,413,161,345,0.209,0.7090000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9944,0,2,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,1,8,12,21,5,0,12,1,31,10,5,4,4,55,62,21,5,5,13,0,8,2,1,1,3,0,1,2,19,18,0,0,12,1,3,6,15,12,1,3,17,8,35,9,36,43,6,41,3,4,0,2,11,12,5,3,25,175,54,4,0.08610418851232611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028774921767233,0.0,0.0,0.17078443623716816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189340083343543,0.05248831412693029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834226843495146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741614113959631,0.0,0.08936255357759923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626275394476581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738489260475294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30475805397255284,0.12302569895527228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920386963047278,0.0899717693567336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377307706412435,0.0,0.0,0.1705133678168731,0.0,0.0,0.07713244032083202,0.0,0.08836773847263381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577138225614151,0.0,0.08636952158427101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464122037461682,0.0,0.19425855015273893,0.09117190317119772,0.0,0.0,0.1216358694992639,0.08413231443313005,0.0,0.15206315191649106,0.0,0.0,0.09632856234685062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869270279121299,0.08674091130610485,0.0,0.0,0.08694068485245039,0.0,0.13745508357732636,0.1830302515282269,0.06329648583146802,0.06384516475967875,0.06640885833555221,0.0,0.0915727813135799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916981506289136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439238165405295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706953515559123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032109596950287,0.08852944642301723,0.08501749846922076,0.09244367486923816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651541364723973,0.07122627451352906,0.0,0.08616637192751342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825520208715401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846764361828234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671421549519686,0.10041608950615824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845909197249397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015729625343384,0.0,0.06906758630000122,0.0,0.07741800616991405,0.07981944539187716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880546241987275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414141327626684,0.0,0.22179309746090706
suicidewatch,FISH_CAKE,2019/02/06,"I've just no will to go on without my ex I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years 2 years ago. I just can't get over her. I'm a loser drug addict. I just wanna die. Life's just not worth living without her. I ruined our relationship with my addiction and now she's gone and my only source of joy in the world died. It's been 2 fucking years and i still think about her every day. I wish god would just have a semi hit me, or a lightning strike or cancer. Any legitimate reason for me to die that isn't suicide would be great. The only reason i haven't hung myself is it would destroy my mom who i still live with. I'm such a fucking loser on every single level. God i miss being in love and loved back. Life's just not worth it, I'm completely useless. I don't know why im even posting here except there's literally nowhere else i can tell someone my emotions. Please god kill me",0.8040705487122041,2.789296372340427,2.8306494960806283,92.39184210526315,82.61702127659575,5.0217245240761486,19.46920492721165,6.05967700443912,-0.10799361702127674,690,18,152,5,19,232,114,188,0.204,0.624,0.172,-0.775,0,0,1,0,1,3,16.0,1,0,0,2,15,14,4,0,6,0,14,10,0,2,0,29,29,6,5,5,13,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,2,2,9,10,0,0,2,0,26,4,19,20,1,20,0,6,0,4,13,8,2,2,9,94,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575983726821612,0.0,0.0,0.10473142060079264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034495785599258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908488203738063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387634085953685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619593849194932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678581321645499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701462477258627,0.0,0.09869782081820626,0.1329010383551711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803589845229103,0.0,0.19909023145829996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845256866934007,0.061727658282816775,0.0,0.06714645374975031,0.0,0.0,0.13025901898052936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276205374319988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071369030641522,0.0,0.06493126624630377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690340628100425,0.0,0.0,0.2086543889493203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132670727113294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837396844559224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971435175907988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969145482113525,0.0,0.0,0.11315350004339075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429524485663773,0.0,0.12684715691453902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010674890507001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887069165048818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923516429043394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326690197139256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570471879630512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661054672770866,0.0,0.13586481968621295,0.22778166698110766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517876829217228,0.0,0.0,0.2282510718768539
suicidewatch,oofmans360,2019/02/06,"Uh I called the hotline but they told me to talk to someone in the house, I really can’t do that. I’m afraid if I call back they will call the police. I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore",-1.813560606060605,0.07588052272727097,0.9472727272727288,101.33257575757578,96.04545454545452,3.8424242424242414,14.151515151515152,5.46131890053228,-1.1488666666666665,149,3,38,1,6,51,31,44,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,7,0,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253709699062738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671366588000547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7836779113915358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951877503193744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059475247984368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388807244604528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675972759381346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205622477985978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444517904236833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hunny--bee,2019/02/06,"i feel like im another person. i dont know who i really am anymore. the sarcastic, straight-a student who sits at a full lunch table with bright eyes and a sleepy smile when kissing her parents and dog goodnight, or what i am right now.

because, depending on what i feel, the other ""me"" feels fake. the lines get blurrier, and blurrier. how long until someone notices? im losing control. i know what i think isnt ""right,"" but rational thought is taking the backseat. i dont care right now. i dont like it, but im possessed. its me, but its not me. i dont know. im confused, and i loathe that.

i want to die right now. my birthday is soon. my life isnt bad. i have good things. but i just dont want to live. i wont feel like this tomorrow probably, and i hate that. cant i just choose one? i guess depression doesnt care who you are. but why does it have to consume me and silence me? 

how hard can it be to take my car to the beach and just fall asleep there? ive got it all planned. my family will miss me. im smart, pretty, got a bright future. but apathetic me doesnt care, and guess which ""me"" im feeling right now?",-0.37189436927106106,1.7661227257383985,1.8369038265677309,96.4488607594937,89.67510548523207,5.294281972937583,20.408700712934674,6.8039241337230125,0.2849296959115377,854,29,201,12,29,286,122,237,0.182,0.672,0.146,-0.9174,1,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,1,0,3,12,18,1,1,8,0,22,5,2,4,1,41,46,19,1,2,11,1,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,18,9,1,1,11,1,0,2,12,7,0,1,3,9,33,11,9,40,2,21,0,3,3,1,7,8,0,5,13,120,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851582790796694,0.0,0.0,0.0805408751993902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780895908037421,0.0495063233004771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484043531673666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108660863670356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994811835849217,0.0,0.08428564609010747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106951571664866,0.0,0.4759016210312659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655981998081499,0.0,0.20531713989713846,0.11603630499578164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042430125407715284,0.0,0.0,0.06811710533621039,0.12990594522240248,0.0,0.17892922207419235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275035578859787,0.0801804283813665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263399479400405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389662817385758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736271759274901,0.11902882463337525,0.0,0.07171203425073353,0.07187041555915315,0.0,0.09085589868786767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246085202410764,0.0,0.0,0.05503162186215185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017675580249312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091153237387987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262220392495435,0.08756069955390637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052026740949629585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34677471563288337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881100026085357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212323076584244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053953907796953325,0.05203762465386154,0.0,0.06447357154307731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580235154156383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328155632790273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Doug_Cherry,2019/02/06,"Fuck it, i give up Nobody cares about anything i do, i make a bunch of reddit posts desperately asking people for help i dont get one measly fucking comment but if a hot girl poats a selfie people fucking send her money i am through i quit fuck this website fuck this world fuck my life im just gonna jumpnin front of a fucking train tonight what a fucking joke ",1.5894594594594622,3.9637730135135136,2.6877702702702737,92.26787162162165,82.37837837837839,4.2405405405405405,24.114864864864863,5.148860815047168,0.2980864864864872,289,11,58,1,8,92,54,74,0.236,0.672,0.092,-0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,8,0,5,0,3,9,0,1,0,4,17,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,8,0,1,0,1,8,2,6,16,1,6,0,0,0,8,7,2,8,1,1,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006499627289302,0.0,0.1143424921227665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470227253068128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433453469399915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.904582290321122,0.06390145335181271,0.1173300276304013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819812073616189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211480957336585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639053001054127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816422698099002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287980729511234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695874508814055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713830243629834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009077650490689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcampo44,2019/02/06,I’ve been extra depressed and lonely lately and everyone I’ve tried to reach out to doesn’t seem to care I would just like a friend or someone who would take interest in me and care about what I’m saying,18.143255813953488,6.073338674418602,15.724186046511633,58.91558139534885,57.6046511627907,19.060465116279076,52.30232558139535,11.20814326018867,5.759483720930233,165,4,35,2,1,53,33,43,0.114,0.569,0.318,0.8555,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,5,6,6,1,3,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5624282976632528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375610610169618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635552774279031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309578392932144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111339604872553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475041471254262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934101024849115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510937370389258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23369912751373095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073803052632837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872618610361261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39186543339057817,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rowen13,2019/02/06,"Suicide I don't want to know the reasons to live. The importance of loved ones & how suicide is selfish.
Truthfully I don't care. I'm not put on this world to be the background in someone else's life. Every smile is fake & the emotions drown me. Im sinking.
 Understandably it is never let publicly known on how somebody has mamaged to commit suicide. When I read about someone commitimg suicide, especially a child I of course I feel so sad of the waste of a little angel. But I must admit I feel envious & get frustrated with the lack of details in successful suicides. 
I want to know how I can do it. If a child can do it, just how stupid am I that I cannot work it out.
Im not looking for morbid or stupid comments. 
I wonder if alcohol, paroxetine & diazepam would do the job. My family know that I want to kill myself & have come to terms with this. 
Im not brave enough to cut my arms or to jump off a building. 
Please understand Im not looking on ways to help me to live. Ive wanted to end my existence for 28 years. You can't cure or manage depression. I'm not really looking to try anymore. Im not sad to go, I have thought about it a long time. It's what I want. 

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suicidewatch,this_is_painfull,2019/02/06,"i need help my life has gon to shit

​",0.997,2.9959167000000018,1.2900000000000027,103.625,82.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.8489999999999998,37,1,9,0,1,11,10,10,0.271,0.526,0.203,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192623600510836,0.4701890673346827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25936578738612937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733156605031805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286920025286317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972006955045023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701890673346827,0.0
suicidewatch,dontwanttobealive,2019/02/06,"About to jump... No sob story here, I'm just letting it be known.

-Nick",-2.2880000000000003,-0.9427864666666644,-0.2666666666666657,105.88000000000004,113.66666666666666,2.0,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.0083333333333333,53,1,13,0,3,17,15,15,0.259,0.741,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShawtyWitch,2019/02/06,"I need help. I don't think I can handle this anymore Hey. You can call me Ella. I'm brazilian, 18 y/o. 

\>Sorry if I say anything wrong.

I live this nightmare since I was born. My mom and dad abandoned me when I was just a baby. Since then, I live with my godfather and godmother. I love my godmother like she was my biological mother, but my godfather is really abusive. He always assaulted us, and it just got worse when he drinks. I remember everything he has done. I remember him assaulting my dog with its bowl of food. I remember him almost strangling my cat, and I was just a fucking child. I had depression, almost killed myself multiple times. As I was growing up, he stopped with physical agression, but never stopped the verbal ones. He broke things in house, he messed things up on purpose, among many things. Today, he threatened to hit my godmother, and I just stayed in my room, crying a lot, thinking that I can't handle it anymore. I was strong all my life to protect my godmother, but I can feel my strenght going away. I want to run from home. I want to live my life, I need to be free. I need a life that I can be happy. Please, tell me what can I do. I have no money, I have no job.. I need help. I cannot handle this pain anymore.",1.214885714285714,3.5816455000000005,3.0433428571428567,89.14610000000002,84.0,6.451428571428572,23.32857142857143,7.7094869923839395,1.2758171428571434,965,36,199,18,28,321,136,250,0.232,0.65,0.119,-0.9898,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,1,0,1,6,15,4,0,5,0,23,8,0,0,2,36,38,13,1,7,8,3,1,1,0,0,4,1,2,1,12,8,2,4,6,1,2,3,6,10,0,1,9,2,51,6,18,26,2,21,0,3,0,2,23,8,1,4,10,131,63,2,0.0,0.12194012790703902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061135457419857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563540763216736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061988116304851,0.0,0.0,0.08469213861285414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669415674070328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509003271395127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304978116085435,0.0,0.0,0.08864248811192864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532009251140084,0.0,0.1008197370656245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249540015001764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203806066442301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244479633540428,0.0,0.0,0.09514535157471668,0.0,0.0,0.058490252487583584,0.0,0.08231233716702004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955734056828112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796654443317874,0.0,0.10323440649463493,0.0,0.0,0.11875270396254192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212950347453788,0.0,0.1138627034288384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808052017452936,0.050280176318042165,0.0,0.2726334871929167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874965769387897,0.0928868483260733,0.0,0.0,0.10434195152745744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053545496617847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052473868382721,0.07937613813882151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069739401161514,0.0,0.10951122440446304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297224967742167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593143424522199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497555905413985,0.0,0.0,0.08184393860752319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026844751140058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152074503530051,0.0,0.1096961091469466,0.0,0.17208688097093722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995422442454387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051209700583556,0.13189045346758518,0.0,0.0,0.0600118838945163,0.0,0.09755353185024328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123796795934263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140653682911932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488148381518804,0.0,0.11252387124385137,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chickendoodledoodoo,2019/02/06,"hi did you miss me :( i said my plan to kill myself after i think december or around that time. god i hated the holidays, i wanted to die. anyway i just need to rant? i thought i was getting somewhat better like my depression was still in a rollercoaster like state, with strong episodes and stuff like that. it feels so bad right now, i've done research of somewhat on killing myself. i don't want it to be painful,,, getting sleeping pills is the best bet but those are kind of hard to obtain? right i'm not sure,,, i just want to curl up into a ball and die. i'm seeing a therapist and stuff but it's just hard for me to tell someone how i feel because i don't know it either. everyone and everything is making irritated and stressed out. i quit doing all the things i liked doing before and now i just sit in my room doing nothing i can't even bring myself to do homework. i'm tired,,, but isn't that just all of us on here :( lets just all sleep have a good schleep a good long schleep we'll never wake up from,, am i right my dudes :( ",2.209958463136033,3.801201439252342,3.327975077881621,92.37805815160955,76.66355140186916,6.250882658359295,23.571131879543096,6.937597516519254,0.6314670820353063,804,25,178,8,18,259,127,214,0.206,0.6809999999999999,0.113,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,2,1,0,6,15,19,3,1,8,0,20,6,3,2,5,41,40,12,4,4,12,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,2,0,11,10,0,0,5,2,1,1,6,8,0,0,6,6,28,11,24,31,7,23,0,2,1,0,6,13,0,4,11,123,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695074058952067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031250962895466,0.07323668730686325,0.0,0.1022309311588544,0.0,0.1260803071179673,0.1062547320003623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347705364488223,0.0,0.24937426557381415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294570126376685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935183361487272,0.0,0.0,0.11479963704511208,0.10797476116806147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149354806351627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553716857603486,0.0,0.0,0.20153672545941745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152450314685859,0.11861411977325916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26583588348693243,0.12510810544040227,0.06602621534151673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285205869459632,0.0,0.2347788115137999,0.0,0.0,0.10632078490202264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019488486144752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908284530252668,0.0926599543769926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527829174825245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783823067002134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277844781586685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30779863728422524,0.11428136709771715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957366246603078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404550324082297,0.0,0.10179486928951664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594455973122354,0.0,0.13762082549113375,0.0,0.2750648352105753,0.0,0.0,0.11323123694302815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500831265711838,0.0,0.0,0.1394926729078568,0.07981617722499544,0.07698134280414333,0.0,0.09537833722771176,0.0700550386316113,0.13808412099374728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445145321031485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125863847894784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,feb2019throwawayx,2019/02/06,"I (30f) wasted my life. I think it is time to end my life because I have wasted it all. I was too afraid to ever live and consequentially never grew or experienced anything. I work & that is pretty much my entire life. I have so much I wanted to do in life and I never did a damn thing, I'm so pissed at myself. I have never even dated a guy or kissed anyone (which is embarrassing but just shows how much I did not do). There is like an explosion inside me that wants to just go and do everything I want to do but I know I won't ever have the balls to do it. I have no other solutions. I just wish I could have fucking lived a little.",1.2065196078431375,2.773310926470589,3.6667647058823536,88.95960784313728,79.44117647058823,6.298039215686276,17.950980392156865,7.1686216300943375,0.0630215686274509,490,9,111,6,12,171,79,136,0.092,0.787,0.121,0.4302,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,3,2,5,0,20,7,1,1,6,25,29,10,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,1,21,2,8,24,4,13,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,2,9,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945684033269995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935690679948802,0.0,0.1287019794244498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953385850090695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487083557688125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852193904353974,0.0,0.0,0.10329920444132533,0.2829413433760005,0.0,0.0,0.14056016629100734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458715154989232,0.0,0.0,0.08888441590309923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485830973232698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595208461284963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44187327702559104,0.07640801524121875,0.15675158044556714,0.2762040651692255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449109099194288,0.0,0.3618706386988454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591126847519299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039036810277882,0.1002133297522504,0.0,0.0,0.09119675536263117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276742243038662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984963412358682,0.0,0.0,0.1138593867590056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,revolutiontube,2019/02/06,"All I wanted to do is throw this anger out! I don't know how to explain well my situation. If you're reading this, you might even find it funny, but it's not a joke to me.

A long time ago my penis popped while I masturbated. From that moment I began to have much pain in my penis. I went to a urologist and he told me not to worry cause that this was a pain that was going to go away. I let a lot of time pass, but the pain continued. I went back to see the same urologist and he had me examined. The tests did not present any problem in my penis, but the pains persist. 

Many years ago I had a fall and I swollen on my left hip. Not long ago, as I masturbated, my left hip popped. I consulted an orthopedist and I'm taking medication. The pains in the hip cost a lot, but they are recent pains. 

On the other hand, the pain in my penis still remain. This isn't a very strong pain, but this pain make me regret having crippled myself while I masturbate. Sorry for the hype, but I feel stupid. Cripple me 2 times for masturbating ... I really hate what I did.

I really wanted to go back, but now it's late. Now, I'll probably go to another urologist to analyze my situation, but I doubt he can do anything. In the city where I live, people say that the urologist I went to is the best.


All I wanted to do was throw this anger out. It is sad to feel physical pain every day and at the same time feel a psychological pain of regret.

Sorry for my english... I'm using Google Translate",1.60557611241218,3.440856488524592,3.8241159250585497,87.0469467213115,79.19672131147541,7.242388758782202,21.05679156908665,8.192908349453996,0.9906791569086648,1139,31,249,22,28,392,143,305,0.258,0.6859999999999999,0.056,-0.9974,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,1,3,9,24,4,1,23,0,21,17,4,4,2,45,45,18,0,7,13,0,4,0,0,1,13,1,0,0,16,7,0,0,7,2,1,11,6,20,1,0,12,6,37,4,32,31,8,49,0,3,1,0,9,14,0,5,24,166,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909998057157114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579899170813905,0.07062031532328522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554217167017007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327572132863515,0.10357300525197384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067763615445864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918501167942273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343392850415664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448275985855272,0.0,0.056743647038020574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215961137903684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155490866880387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531018229682916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649226823560858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03701273363965843,0.0,0.07597154755157777,0.0,0.14634773311215105,0.06886795649314773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594695727296594,0.11920183132058294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145138280575707,0.0,0.0,0.04495535443439895,0.06828036429794025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784608721497783,0.0,0.07144565098812407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950857482887831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7882939514113639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046690666365300594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261260184273224,0.06444299989871485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736628746661606,0.0,0.08628978628533322,0.0,0.06649808641722255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355788215470915,0.0,0.0,0.05366768593025535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140408720232615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078128336271376,0.0,0.0,0.053784249409690586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063736114790217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708478649433652,0.0,0.0,0.06435395949778804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816710203260419,0.0,0.055569204512391945,0.11917089590751255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055399602706281,0.18729698496241126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839522624019535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336994391524715
suicidewatch,montiimab,2019/02/06,Hmmm. Well i thought 2019 could be a fresh start. But i guess this is rather the end.,-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444438,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,102.88888888888887,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-2.2395777777777783,65,1,17,0,3,19,17,18,0.0,0.747,0.253,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732739406177191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140809165720246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150222124050438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309106359964519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711559361053064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203535447622905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,melodramaticbee,2019/02/06,"I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of feeling lazy all of the time because of my depression. I’ve tried going out with friends, family, etc but I don’t enjoy it anymore. I’ve pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone but I didn’t enjoy a single second of it. I’m tired of trying to find motivation to get a job to take my mind off of things. I’m tired of getting a job, only to quit or get fired because of my anxiety messing with everything. I’m tired of being sick all of the time because I can’t eat anything. I’m tired of waking up and having to look at myself in the mirror and think about how much of a fuck up I am. I’ve lost my brother in 2012, my ex boyfriend to suicide in 2016, I lost my grandpa in April of 2017, and I lost my grandma in December of 2017. I cannot handle anymore heartbreak. I have endured enough heartbreak in pain for two lifetimes and I feel like I can’t do it anymore.... I’m tired of feeling weak. I’m tired of acting strong for everyone just to feel defeated at the end of the day... I guess I’m just tired. ",0.8045454545454547,2.5844588701298754,3.0634415584415566,91.80087662337664,81.51082251082249,5.5852813852813865,23.054112554112557,6.574015621080383,0.5460112554112557,833,29,186,8,22,285,105,231,0.299,0.574,0.126,-0.9939,2,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,7,5,17,1,0,9,0,12,18,1,2,2,25,39,8,1,0,5,3,5,1,1,0,15,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,7,0,0,3,5,11,0,2,4,6,21,6,46,32,6,21,0,7,1,1,4,13,1,2,6,110,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048270080270722576,0.0,0.18772988372874305,0.0,0.0,0.05192458210359289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539254191151993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069322859186096,0.0,0.054346533541615116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456538493977712,0.0,0.0,0.05588642714883341,0.06519748337099808,0.0703713617466845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029319646700235,0.05670874626568146,0.0,0.05948352753683806,0.0,0.12761772687466302,0.04507748806893186,0.0,0.0,0.057670766971287035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874964406757197,0.05833342622507304,0.1318651759481035,0.0,0.03586025772043097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950996822525403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523079178822272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03082667631459546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298673899100849,0.0,0.2066379734062985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371136628235585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046384562072850376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798915363542006,0.06714111434649124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711288332755241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901937539798117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744212148074522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041919753219956966,0.040430887635646,0.0,0.0,0.07358633383238596,0.8702675287495236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567930256161349,0.0,0.06163793884701607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hippyhumanitarian,2019/02/06,I’ve thought about jumping off my balcony all day. The pain is just so unbearable. I will ever be enough for myself or anybody else. ,1.9244871794871798,4.530831192307693,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,83.23076923076924,5.005128205128205,27.89743589743589,6.42735559955562,1.2971435897435892,105,5,20,1,3,33,25,26,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29553110901618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828061839144689,0.0,0.0,0.4734911736531216,0.0,0.0,0.4145102312500443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4876066281791502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637965667483584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon1763538292635637,2019/02/06,"No reasons to stop me My marriage of 11 years is over. I’m halfway across the planet with only a few friends and no professional life because I had to leave that behind. I love him deeply. But somewhere in the way we lost each other. I didn't cheat, I'm sort of convinced he didn't either. But my personal PTSD due to horrible life events that happened to me when I was 22, really did fuck me over. I can't make him or anyone else happy. I can't make myself happy. Why not end all the missery and stop torturing everyone in contact with me? I'm damaged goods. I'm not even sure I'm capable of ever being happy again. How can you be when your children get taken from you at the age of 22? I can't do anything. Children are adults now. I follow them on social media, like some stalker and Ive found they turned out just like their father: cruel, insensitive, lack of empathy. What else would they be one with such father raising them? I cry every day, I miss them every day. And yet I know it's no good thinking about how I myself could have raised them, reality hits and I know I had no other xhoice. Why would a nirnal, nice guy have to deal with all this mess? After 11 years he got tired. I admire him, he got tired much later than I would have done it. I'm broken. I will always be broken. How many people have to suffer because I fell in love with the wrong guy as a teenager??? how many? Don't give me a reason. I know there's none. ",0.9246654040404041,3.125123969696972,2.7697548400673417,91.73574337121214,83.7138047138047,5.059301346801346,18.708859427609426,6.322622252153567,-0.04728274410774437,1117,28,236,10,32,371,170,297,0.205,0.6629999999999999,0.132,-0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,7,1,15,24,4,0,9,0,29,7,0,8,4,46,56,15,0,5,7,2,0,2,1,4,4,0,0,6,8,13,0,2,7,0,0,2,13,10,0,1,12,0,43,14,31,34,9,30,0,4,0,3,33,9,1,3,20,157,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695795482606095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307352174250224,0.10707947473209026,0.08600011802656109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274126412030567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834401043846494,0.0,0.11479571400544107,0.13479636503573206,0.1077418294431285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694664858981487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460389289184858,0.0,0.09256192608914453,0.0,0.0,0.06902569652566024,0.09453230258674326,0.17610282152727122,0.09986064022654983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458621369740865,0.08074162513623652,0.0966147696719325,0.054600442775376005,0.1002523592725968,0.0,0.1753105406215806,0.167167126190185,0.0,0.0,0.2069561474334847,0.09241493877793104,0.33374800922024345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723024646798038,0.0,0.0,0.1106575166279875,0.0,0.0,0.14763236022835008,0.1021133996276636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140814195111992,0.0,0.18864277251690892,0.0,0.13951808126382187,0.21190680253104666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682445676533349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070816451552938,0.07948206243445778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245179429873955,0.09125122842060282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221627518121386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694967466424283,0.21490060750901105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065314303085896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474457861992373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984963376698794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696368016303385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023017985914602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136732909470594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295256224770049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886021021302278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271570565538554,0.11426168197278284,0.0,0.13459779008982356
suicidewatch,Klownicle,2019/02/06,"I don't know what else to do. It's not me it's my mother. I'm writing this as of the last response from her was Good Bye at 6:48pm after threatening suicide earlier today.  She's no longer answering.  I've called the local police department and they deemed her fit and not harmful to others.  They mentioned ""magistrate court"" at that point, to which I googled and it comes up with local courts that are ""closed"".  She owns weapons and has abused medication in the past.  Her parents committed suicide and I've been talking to her throughout the day.  She's a senior citizen who likely knows how the system works with her nurse days.  She's manipulative that way.  I live out of state and can't just hop on over.  Her husband per her words is ""terminally ill"" and she's very negative about everything.  

I don't really know where else to go or what I can do at this late hour of the day.  So I'm hoping someone here might have experience or direction.  The system seems broken if nothing can be done.  She's free to say what she will then let them be on their way, is that basically what I see?",3.376453790238834,5.257426219626171,4.3204984423676045,85.26217030114228,74.18691588785046,7.746209761163032,25.440290758047773,8.515128840125781,1.6736633437175494,857,29,173,16,18,277,135,214,0.13699999999999998,0.8009999999999999,0.062,-0.9572,1,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,0,0,4,1,6,6,1,0,8,0,20,2,0,2,1,30,30,14,2,2,6,3,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,16,12,0,0,5,0,1,3,7,2,0,0,3,2,26,5,24,22,1,34,0,0,1,0,29,15,0,6,13,115,42,2,0.0,0.1836530358781436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827524441473442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352123393386614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998920535240113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862173560643905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589699901711875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393065706414915,0.151622534045331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809169403867577,0.13000903997540772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539528084259424,0.15264658836111245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555565448488539,0.12634801406330376,0.1748499708966718,0.0,0.0,0.15850092010255568,0.0,0.07572656502653828,0.0,0.13687035997205374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614906839877268,0.0,0.16443353332359256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872941897841024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211232614940042,0.0,0.14796776319624172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652779849365205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929879742430757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232644909553878,0.0,0.0,0.12351720644661245,0.14110877689094667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313334152927586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339095928852482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245854227380442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692458169791822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789358786125116,0.0,0.24606810162323384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112843923874577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gr1eving,2019/02/06,"gonna do it soon this past week i’ve been trying everyday to hang myself, i got close but as i was hanging there i put my foot back on the chair. I know i’m going to do it, i just wanted to write more for my family and figure out a way they won’t have to find me like that. i’m 17, and a girl. i’ve been depressed my whole life and i can’t take anymore, i think about killing myself everyday for the past 4 years with two attempts already. my life is just trauma after trauma and i can’t do it anymore i hate myself, i don’t have a future and it’s better if i just end it now. ",-1.3006774809160326,0.6039064274809149,1.5649570610687,98.42545085877865,91.59541984732824,4.191030534351145,15.057729007633588,5.602791699666715,-0.9176530534351146,446,9,110,3,16,155,79,131,0.17800000000000002,0.767,0.055,-0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,2,0,5,0,13,3,1,0,0,19,23,8,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,5,0,1,4,0,20,2,12,17,2,20,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,13,74,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724433903449888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39047241354076695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513762780381992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411022580609686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955869010896013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436308748137322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185585875582724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993014582508188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188235807882764,0.0,0.15745013894718088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943624607461544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780086792329986,0.0,0.10819131577306368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781017555402441,0.09617781513724813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37585796133689503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979027121486657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801724139600486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614251361944276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365774562854216,0.0,0.1923075399816132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611549830041662,0.15626149410579465,0.15791244046702765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979164551328625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677397305685387
suicidewatch,Beany2001,2019/02/06,"I need help or advice or something Recently I’ve been feeling like shit. I’ve been trying to hide it from everyone because I don’t see why they should have to deal with me when they’ve got their own shit to deal with but it honestly getting difficult now. I’ve literally done nothing today, like my lessons were easy and and I’ve got no reason to be feeling like this but for some reason every little thing has pissed me off. I came home today and I just don’t know what to do with myself. Just everything I do pisses me off to the point where I genuinely hate myself. Idk this Is probably just the sleep deprivation getting to me. I just can’t hold it in anymore and pretend I’m ok when I’m not. I’ve  got really bad body image issues so I’ve started starving myself more and more. I feel like all of my “friends” hate me and they just want me to leave so that can talk about me or just have conversations without having to involve me. I’ve got more work to do than I can ever hope to keep up with but if I don’t do it I’m fucked for the future. I’ve got no backup plan so if I don’t get into university I really don’t know what I’ll do. It just all too much to handle and I’m really scared I’m going to get to the point where I will genuinely want to kill my self and i really don’t know what to do. 

Sorry for the long read but it’s 1am and I’m not even gonna try making this make sense. Thanks in advance for anyone who replies but I don’t expect anyone to waste there time on me anyway ",0.5746464646464666,2.5273581481481533,2.8434118967452298,92.16398989898993,83.25925925925927,5.902581369248036,18.768799102132434,7.106945922332613,0.18832839506172805,1176,29,267,16,33,401,155,324,0.202,0.682,0.116,-0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,4,21,21,8,1,5,1,28,7,6,4,3,58,65,24,1,8,20,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,1,1,15,15,0,2,9,2,0,3,13,12,0,0,10,4,33,9,37,51,8,26,0,1,1,1,12,12,5,7,15,169,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943037623696254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095707224485872,0.13495735630250588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057780912849853,0.05882867284293915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719551920338234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037623699187747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898524278162436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875832322653498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374077297703253,0.08729447642643852,0.08130979137176697,0.09221485212619884,0.08673264908112675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463877829756789,0.20682999774802174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455967641981412,0.08921750029132403,0.20167993095712747,0.0,0.05484612786629607,0.0,0.3859201129448368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905578065664459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468539983529273,0.0,0.0968025819346202,0.0958514364884105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072635365354728,0.0,0.08577825394031241,0.10676870291824957,0.0,0.1591101986266192,0.0,0.0,0.10218507020736343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859025989430667,0.09672356100909928,0.0,0.08540406320125085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883593779778066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094242440483846,0.07155738134716788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259934003753477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245721029320586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404892556232316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653131346546792,0.0,0.24729480344023924,0.19844683248891304,0.0952872403422223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661853845404833,0.0,0.07690214806726668,0.0,0.10067596829486933,0.0,0.19812239742564547,0.0,0.0,0.0965748926880834,0.0,0.0,0.0742944160748819,0.0,0.1080296679271852,0.06830687570414735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756722243038433,0.0,0.08884902024131608,0.0,0.0,0.06411376524813514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627295690465112,0.0,0.1829512868935906,0.0,0.0,0.13104138906151866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384253203809605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708093058072161,0.0,0.0,0.09302756687199104,0.0,0.07025693336130408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sharpcaster,2019/02/06,"I'm so tired. I've written six drafts for a suicide note in the past week. Now I'm wondering if it's even worth it.
After six years, I relapsed. After the first mark, however, I realized that causing harm to myself wasn't even worth it either. Why waste the effort of getting up when I could just lay in bed and sleep it off?

I've been trying so hard(maybe a little too hard?) to get someone--ANYONE--to see that I'm not ok. I haven't gone to class in weeks, I only go to work to get away from my parents who make me feel awful about my career choice, and I'm in a relationship that isn't going bad but it's just not what I want, and I can't bring myself to hurt him. 

I'm just a boring, shitty person with no goals or aspirations. I can't find pleasure in my art. I can't find the creativity I need to make it. I can't even play video games anymore. I only go to DND on Sundays because my s/o enjoys the game and my dm is my best friend. Or was. I don't hang out with her or my other close friend anymore. I tried, but I found they were always busy, so j just stopped trying. I don't get invited to the clubhouse anymore (haven't been for 6, 7 months), was kicked out of a polyamorous relationship because the other two liked each other more than they liked me, I gave up on my dream as a Case Manager because my parents thought I would hate my life and wouldn't make enough money(a few of my friends also thought it was stupid because they just don't like people) and all the comments finally wore me down, now I'm an art major somehow flunking out of college. I thought I would give tattooing a try but my parents are very conservative and don't even like the one tattoo I do have(an armadillo with a wreath on my forearm)--and again, they don't think I'm going to be making ""enough"" money.

I'm just so tired of trying to meet everyone's expectations, failing, and then trying to do my own thing and pissing everyone off. 

A year ago I was well known for being generous, kind, supportive, and motherly. That's who I was and who I wanted to be. I wanted to help people. But now I'm not even known. Not that reputation is something I care about, but it's just like my well-being and interests have disappeared from everyone's minds.

I'm just so tired all the time. I don't enjoy anything. I don't love or feel passion or think about the little beautiful things in the world. I don't know who I am anymore and I'm so terrified but at the same time so relieved.

I'm waiting until my trip to Colorado so I can see if the nature can spark something inside of me. If not...I won't be around much longer. No one will care.",2.77795518207283,4.050793588235294,4.2114285714285735,87.93833333333335,74.51470588235293,7.092717086834734,25.452380952380953,7.62386473244151,1.185840301120448,2048,68,441,26,42,680,244,544,0.168,0.6920000000000001,0.141,-0.9133,6,0,2,0,0,1,73.0,0,0,4,6,34,32,3,0,24,2,43,8,2,5,2,86,95,40,1,12,27,4,3,5,3,5,4,0,1,1,23,22,0,3,15,7,3,9,24,9,1,6,17,5,59,23,57,68,13,55,0,3,2,2,28,24,1,10,27,288,82,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629794872422295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681680916395626,0.05911736661574684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818408553966072,0.0,0.0,0.05846619227123344,0.063247503901051,0.0,0.0,0.06675164014158813,0.0,0.05932185049967927,0.17324004081163866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745601636074195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448757027774422,0.07298554494275587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672579640620959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682250463814742,0.0,0.23463163407977225,0.0,0.0,0.20366732717776231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184768999956495,0.0,0.0,0.07782926769333819,0.12987259650721225,0.060433125777001065,0.0,0.07790012101606911,0.1646737988678953,0.0,0.14847793508439966,0.06815541475264178,0.16151214995593588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728954369508252,0.07014488129513717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476217665886384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605801775943204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398523229740267,0.03904595040077158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050183082050543684,0.1735515541460184,0.1424168933863221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412331088397911,0.0,0.18969952952773544,0.0,0.07137695047039656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173790986888749,0.0,0.056709585468676674,0.0,0.05222822437275969,0.052680959240971714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962875020981206,0.10806993411269412,0.0,0.0,0.23667014353903534,0.0,0.0678230559044062,0.09851104005596087,0.06203609934788065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255725272863974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323161500892992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109899621282748,0.0,0.0,0.10939196016925104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059399047154753436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771463744105099,0.08062407260007783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440185177922013,0.0910489773605226,0.0,0.16921178074974072,0.08285695460766647,0.2449765920203724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894202923331294,0.0,0.06940326600303656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058621782014942565,0.1257172987037763,0.0,0.11398033703691145,0.0,0.12776080515748867,0.0,0.06410948623639719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704818523476331,0.051723561890083265,0.0,0.0,0.100940475954925,0.0,0.0,0.09150476133351672
suicidewatch,juryrights,2019/02/06,I can’t do it anymore I’ve been depressed for a while and I’ve realized no one truly cares about me. So I’m gonna OD on some pills tonight. I love you all,-1.4020270270270283,0.2292730540540581,1.4120945945945955,101.41381756756759,88.72972972972973,4.781081081081081,20.06081081081081,5.985473137389443,-0.3197513513513517,121,4,33,1,4,42,32,37,0.139,0.606,0.255,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,4,2,3,5,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934880834858646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073390286635381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42858440247537904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491057870282645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33718840944601186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bullet981,2019/02/06,"Ready but not ready to die I’ve attempted suicide several times but have not succeeded obviously. I battle my demons of wanting to die, however at the same time not wanting to die. I want to die because I want my emotional pain to end however I don’t wanna go to hell. Anyone else with mixed emotion as about wanting to die? ",2.890520833333333,5.128537843750003,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,76.8125,8.641666666666666,30.979166666666664,9.2995712137729,3.2069041666666664,258,13,48,7,6,88,41,64,0.237,0.447,0.316,0.5659,2,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,8,3,6,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,13,8,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951678017909793,0.1458285339819424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867598516144042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7385531443749366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889407279809755,0.32019239326969445,0.12605749157713822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088643998494711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144357741232284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078646568300542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155680185275039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598142215398548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197341495958436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpeedyCavy,2019/02/06,"Anyone know a way out? I'm 21. Depressed. Anxious. I don't know. Between my parents being narcissists and my lack of power to change anything I just keep considering ending it. I'm in school learning to animate but I'm not that good at it. Depression took the fun out of it. 
There are two things holding me back: my guinea pigs and my boyfriend. I got the guinea pigs over the summer to help me mentally. May end up marrying the boyfriend if I don't actually end myself. We've been dating for 2 years as of tomorrow. But despite those nice things I just keep feeling empty. I don't know what else to do. ",1.0930027548209371,3.6134110826446317,2.7692231404958685,89.57625895316806,86.93388429752066,5.87129476584022,23.76914600550964,7.3011,1.195316914600551,475,19,96,8,15,156,80,121,0.15,0.772,0.078,-0.785,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,20,19,6,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,3,1,13,3,16,14,1,16,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,2,8,62,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.17243138693732876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961801418130476,0.0,0.1235510834365498,0.0,0.1454070845975479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358695619061714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692265134255373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30437880017997504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760818710123716,0.0,0.4695049306746076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934362519658524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482055792245019,0.14132122732876892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843668920518775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141139245752789,0.0,0.0,0.29132517062737434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780696399509918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620179484036893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882742358499165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23478009281237314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196317555951648,0.0,0.0,0.1726078983257987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025434514647336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378747319968405
suicidewatch,EdhelGaladhrim,2019/02/06,"I think I’m going to do it later today. When my roommate and friends leave, I’m just gonna take as many pills as I can find and hopefully that’ll do it. My life is falling apart and all my friends have started to hate me. ",1.3241836734693884,2.543381775510205,2.914030612244897,95.9890051020408,78.18367346938777,5.716326530612244,24.494897959183675,5.985473137389443,0.3534040816326538,173,6,42,1,4,57,36,49,0.124,0.706,0.17,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,15,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,4,13,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816516174032253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761655452336624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751337829872193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042430782268297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060712821495339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32629574058276595,0.0,0.0,0.2176617178055646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124247189589732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811642884376686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316971136302886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197455756073043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920985694210177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TankBud,2019/02/06,"I feel so much and nothing all at once. I feel so isolated and just need somewhere to vent this. I don’t even know what to vent. I feel like I’m at war with myself. It’s my own fault for being isolated. I am cold and push everyone away out of fear and yet I want to punch myself for doing so. I feel guilty constantly. The people around me don’t deserve the way I treat them, but yet it’s like an automatic response at this point. I’m too scared to be vulnerable with anyone. I know you can’t avoid being hurt by others, but my whole life I feel like I’ve just been hurt too much. I’m so freaking selfish. This is dumb, this post is dumb. I hate that I’m even to point where I’m posting here. There’s a part of me that wants to just end it all and that part of me scares the hell out of me. I’m not close to anyone, people would get over my death pretty quickly I think. I have no ambition for the future, I don’t know what I want out of life. I’m burnt out from my job and financial situation. I don’t know what my passions are, every time I try to find something I’m passionate about I just end up bored or irritated. Conversations irritate me now. I feel just so irritated all the time. But when I finally mustered up the strength to try and talk to someone about all this my mind goes numb and I suddenly don’t feel anything. So the conversation goes no where leaving me feeling angry at myself afterwards. I don’t know. I’m just stupid and selfish. I’m making people’s jobs more difficult, I’m hurting my friends, my family is distant. I’m in no position financially to afford medicine or therapy. I don’t even know how I’m going to pay bills this month. I just want to sleep all day but then that makes me feel even shittier. Whether I decide to stay home all day or go out I always feel like shit. People always tell me to to prioritize self care, but once those people need something from me they get angry when I finally say no. Screw that. Screw this. It’s already hard for me to concentrate at work. Sending one email seems like carrying a freakin fridge up a flight of stairs right now. I’m scared nothing will come about in my future. I’ve been depressed since I was in high school and nothing has changed since and it’s already been seven years. What the hell have I done in seven years?? It seems like nothing. Dear God I don’t want that to continue for another seven years. I want more in life but it seems like no matter what I do or how much I try to change it brings about nothing. I’m just left feeling stuck. I’ve tried tips from self help books but it does nothing. Too much. I hate this. But I’m scared that I hate it. I don’t know. Seeing this all visualized on my screen seems to bring some structure to my clustered mind, but it still seems like nothing. ",1.3553823894171124,3.5301107456446026,2.779498612177406,92.46304169373416,81.78745644599303,6.051804169373415,21.57550345479243,7.270048000033692,0.5987133762475643,2184,68,480,31,59,709,231,574,0.264,0.635,0.101,-0.9989,3,1,2,0,0,0,58.0,0,1,2,2,41,44,12,6,12,0,30,10,2,4,7,95,93,36,2,9,23,0,12,8,1,2,4,1,1,2,34,21,0,1,26,1,2,7,16,29,0,4,6,16,63,15,64,82,18,69,2,4,2,4,14,31,7,10,35,292,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251610703563293,0.0,0.09237962704975317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820839407167985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762952451316492,0.0,0.04568103542349805,0.0494167886416864,0.0,0.0,0.052154654158738364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056597427106919174,0.0,0.11744710075257735,0.04781803341741992,0.0,0.05998794910349104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160033808621362,0.0,0.04781176512708155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048578275911939535,0.056807289975426174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833299585099414,0.0,0.0,0.146658649335642,0.0,0.046770629000071104,0.05304338584969532,0.0,0.0,0.05233107361564883,0.06246559823713532,0.3087497593835636,0.11897176130397992,0.0,0.12161973942105292,0.05073628409102545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288786018712292,0.0,0.05800468226776843,0.0,0.06309665429582444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972718359698045,0.16441762407008012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720802607382205,0.05865069179905075,0.05568231783073036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827784922565273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017271596673424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135527493545315,0.0,0.0,0.05877840697146721,0.060313144181617005,0.0,0.11762772944967945,0.21695997320210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410839146130854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121010920884185,0.0,0.04430855648386589,0.0,0.1632286471888009,0.08232178877209842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728518440198029,0.0,0.0,0.1182353560411342,0.0376158650265698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022656564492447,0.0,0.19242258370125287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049521631656111,0.0,0.10632888076575346,0.05647490598812024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740631097716155,0.0,0.0441447803770706,0.2223058128830712,0.056180356645543085,0.04423528551582978,0.2526768218830511,0.1158206971854865,0.0,0.05698150856292214,0.09183897242018396,0.06239697976136141,0.05555134751218179,0.0,0.04703450871644574,0.085470556802382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916761496209316,0.044331362302152136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446178464075754,0.04851928620216952,0.0,0.06348196131486725,0.0,0.0,0.035569372645169885,0.0,0.0,0.0647381218355531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507540011614981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645186910040366,0.044062252720825236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197633707492702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040412856920270586,0.0,0.0,0.039433604948739084,0.0,0.0,0.10724229032660404
suicidewatch,Anal_taker,2019/02/06,"Fuck life Im in hs and I had three amazing friends, i treated them badly because one of my friends was my bf at the time. Everything is settled but the damage is done, I see my ex eveeyday in class and I wanna cry to my hearts attent but i cant. Everday I hear my ex talk to people and act hoe we used to.
I cant evan eat lunch with my remabing two friends cause my ex is there.

 I seperated from everyone I held dear to me. And I cant handle it anymore i have no one to talk to and it feels like im glitching out. My hands are shaky and I dont know what I want to do so I would sit down than stand up than sit. If it wasnt for me having a cat I would have offed myself already",-0.9661077158135996,0.8252908766233773,1.5052788388082483,100.40522918258215,88.28571428571428,4.402750190985485,19.44843391902216,5.5289334501034215,-0.4812088617265089,521,16,134,3,17,177,93,154,0.124,0.764,0.112,-0.2342,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,0,2,11,1,1,3,0,18,6,2,2,0,23,26,10,0,5,3,3,2,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,4,9,2,1,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,4,5,4,28,7,21,19,0,11,0,1,1,1,12,6,1,2,2,90,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838244612105847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520195959014045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908680393791256,0.10154522906654197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711228846411269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829796002103455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046851594017792,0.19522976419577015,0.0,0.0,0.17045226740493347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917371291873458,0.14971078375343802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422752736291868,0.11900432495578014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860963908564186,0.15399993006835513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774704042892534,0.19739733848576568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598685785116538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154765743511216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765992522775205,0.08138225891910701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575696498316505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548515090621927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274217934591728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677803523046557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713376187136423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627238255365505,0.0,0.0,0.14387107914580952,0.0,0.0,0.09825281988076584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666638970775425,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sproncker,2019/02/06,"What happens next? I’ve been on a reckless coke binge, now I’ve popped a whole lot of diazepam.

I’ve never found myself suicidal but I think this is suicidal behavior and self harm, nobody will even talk to me ",1.4978571428571428,4.056308309523811,2.8574285714285743,89.53757142857144,84.95238095238095,6.217142857142857,22.685714285714287,7.554174236665415,1.1951942857142863,167,6,33,3,5,54,35,42,0.14400000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.157,0.1481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286083851952792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035584162732292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482292895633576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235373150039186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135284867744041,0.0,0.29443959606732417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28882128536154883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6056712609724275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252644065615088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773982056148288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090999410461863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BWallaroo,2019/02/06,"I'm so sick of people making you feel guilty for being happy, or that everything you do is never good enough... I'm so over it, I've had a shitty few years with my mum and dad passing away, having to go to court because a family member got greedy, not finding a job in what I studied at uni...

​

Finally, I got myself together, I started a course I always wanted to and doing 2 days a week volunteering to gain extra experience....

I'm not working but have no problem paying my own bills an rent, my fiance has to work to pay his share but its always split in the middle, sometimes I get us take away, sometime he does...

​

Anyways, I was offered a third day to volunteer I didn't want to take it as I was afraid it would cause me too much stress, people make me feel guilty that its a missed opportunity...so great...I alreayd get top marks and do well during my volunteering at two dif places, but no, not good enough...

​

Then my fiance gets on me all the time to get a driver's licence;I have been taking lessons weekly but its stressing me out that people are always asking about it etc...I'm doing it alright?!

​

And then, after everything, this month I find out the results of the court case nad I am stressing out already with just wanting it to be over ( I don't care if I get anything or not), now I stress I'm never doing anything enough, not studying enough, not working hard enough...

​

I thought today was a good day, I won an ebay auction for something I really wanted! I was excited but people just downplay it saying it was probably not even worth that much etc...

​

I'm so over it....I don't know what to do with myself anymore because I feel like always being the butt of the joke or never being good enough for anyone because of my age and still studying now aswell and not working...I am just so over it and everyone...I just don't feel happy anymore with anything in life, even travelling seems so boring since I've been everywhere and its all just a temporary happiness. 

​

The world just seems so small and boring to me and nothing makes it worth living anymore...I'll always be a joke...

​

I don't know, I'm crying, I quit smoking for years and lately I've been sneaking one now and then again because I've been feeling so crap about myself again...

​

I know deep inside I am being emotional, but I've been trying to hard to be strong and I don't have anyone I can be emotional with because I've already been crazy enough lately with my fiance around... I love him he is still a good guy, it's just that I am so sensitive about everything lately and I don't show it , so people don't really understand how I'm feeling or how close to crying I am all the time. Then, when I do cry and tell them, it comes out of nowhere and they are in shock!...

I know my situation isn't as bad as so many people are suffering far far far worse than I...I just don't have anyone to talk to as all my family members are gone and I have no friends that I am close to...",5.756251768033946,5.621654719471948,6.292274398868461,80.78872277227725,66.98679867986799,8.707892503536067,30.350589344648753,8.146662555663855,2.0475393305044784,2384,79,468,27,35,777,244,606,0.147,0.743,0.11,-0.9719,2,0,1,0,0,1,134.0,1,2,2,9,37,33,1,5,22,1,58,5,2,7,7,95,105,49,0,7,27,2,8,1,1,1,2,1,1,1,26,31,0,0,17,4,7,5,24,13,1,3,18,9,56,20,60,78,17,67,0,2,0,2,20,29,2,7,34,321,82,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590756131123399,0.0,0.1619401045851351,0.37956881918762253,0.42567405540867104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720461889980941,0.08165003726494148,0.0,0.09609380626818584,0.0346507565638309,0.03638883707573888,0.0,0.07314106297068199,0.0,0.03250004939003133,0.11863903931022307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039685777298095484,0.03998583650742221,0.0,0.033529718964991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826909259182598,0.07530859308471377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034062796454063224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756888635722583,0.0,0.2815334508684609,0.0868214594906538,0.05141808377065098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049475808297172,0.03807529937761008,0.07338847150622455,0.0,0.11808735502400484,0.027807429095981568,0.0,0.04263951685116662,0.07115195775827711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030072710990248126,0.0,0.10168134049524773,0.0,0.022121498260941997,0.1632387016226549,0.062262416250668175,0.04291402599739685,0.0,0.038541040008304085,0.0,0.12430648265892548,0.06973680729914353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862622466850281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556680587788819,0.0,0.13172445039205294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02749328673075501,0.019016379408099526,0.0,0.034370748152112704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513057588776538,0.0,0.07794654111831578,0.0394629908589971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031068894734329975,0.0,0.057227475453669664,0.0,0.09006213995251504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734878321033675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026376019522929284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191067744756513,0.0,0.04066746468361116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196683002838314,0.037245166192032914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041400637535613655,0.0,0.0,0.0498716297491348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030954055908021694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087019035475126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032198469021110135,0.043752388924061685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02996572155476017,0.07699398297307958,0.0,0.027550722191059987,0.0,0.06216977207535687,0.0,0.1783499841486456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779837691186773,0.031285766978534524,0.03402143322247339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030901436741095713,0.045393983740802286,0.0,0.03689555427431291,0.0,0.0,0.02642695093537489,0.0,0.03802325035258916,0.040521425355559706,0.0468209742563744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918339169044441,0.0,0.06244522974232011,0.0,0.034997496224017835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501176051808113,0.0,0.039667046441887385,0.02765060788188047,0.0,0.42567405540867104,0.050131768272778376
suicidewatch,abcdefgiamjusthere,2019/02/06,"IM SO BORED I HATE SCHOOL AND MY FAMILY My family is stupid!! they see me at home all day, just doing school WHICH I HATE and just browsing the internet WHY HAVENT THEY SAID ANYTHING?! DO THEY THINK THIS IS A HEALTHY LIFE my school is online so im so lonely!!! im so bored!! i hate work!! do they not even realize maybe thats a little wrong?? do they not realize i probably have many disorders?? ONE I THINK I HAVE TWO FAMILY MEMBERS IS DIAGNOSED WITH ITS SO OBVIOUS its also so impersonal! we dont talk also i remember i told my mom i had some stuff wrong with my eyes and she said oh its probably allergies, i said no i dont think it is at all, not to mention it happens ALL THE TIME EVERY SEASON and after waiting about a YEAR to go to the doctor appointment, near the end i finally get a chance to talk i say yeah ive been having some problems-Mom: yeah shes been having some allergies, BYE! And my brother..I HATE HIM!!! HE'S DISGUSTING ANIMAL ABUSER GROSS ANNOYING AND NEVER GETS DISCIPLINED!! I HATE HIM SO MUCH AND MY FAMILY DOESNT DO ANYTHING!!

​",-0.6586426346239413,1.1424243551401894,2.0569559412550085,89.39043613707169,109.18691588785046,6.150244770805519,18.17935024477081,7.2636822038024595,1.111363061860258,828,28,167,22,42,284,114,214,0.279,0.6809999999999999,0.041,-0.9963,0,2,0,0,1,0,37.0,1,0,5,1,13,14,8,0,8,2,23,4,1,0,5,31,41,16,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,9,10,0,2,6,0,0,1,9,14,0,2,7,6,33,0,11,34,7,13,0,1,2,0,21,4,0,3,9,115,42,5,0.0,0.10511934568692033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189958576075085,0.0,0.09612868034727028,0.10780518086834644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601890860072275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057217415968496665,0.0,0.0,0.09004949209223351,0.0,0.0,0.10168143826333677,0.09080924374350666,0.0,0.0,0.2079596509095696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858007486305603,0.0,0.0,0.05859908743944223,0.0,0.07475089101906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334551359636234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718902740452898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270565257496807,0.0,0.05042193391206562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845529057639425,0.0,0.0,0.4379658830494207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899394686027018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875002600227031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266594921426308,0.0,0.08892130020244232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994871385262447,0.0891317187083447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781687497948767,0.0,0.0,0.06521981357777201,0.0,0.0684267586685536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011934171731191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913115201537817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050308966949972,0.0,0.2531806834770972,0.07055414343522827,0.0,0.2693698036656734,0.0706987927570076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015638051179148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262043704021507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705456408258792,0.0,0.0,0.05173366697827475,0.0,0.0,0.08477628887408467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666708709261434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005649801652702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458961805733959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940039906851717,0.10780518086834644,0.057133126267673084
suicidewatch,ogg1n,2019/02/06,"I'm scared for my mate For context, we're in year 11 in the UK and I've known him for just over a year now

About  4/5 months ago, I was made aware by him that he struggled with mental health issues and a few months ago, he saw a doctor and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Contrastingly, to most people he appears as a generally happy person and is one of the most social people in our year group, even though social meetings and interaction wear him out very quickly and would rather spent most of time alone (which isn't possible due to school etc). 

One of the causes of said issues is his parents: I'm not sure how long ago but a few years ago, his parents split up and he lives alone with his mum. One of the reasons for their break up was the Dad's seemingly verbal abuse towards him and his mum, and know whenever he seems him, he is drunk and/or gets mad and verbally abusive towards him for the most irrational of reasons (E.g. getting on average of a 6 throughout his mock GCSEs for ""being terrible"") On the other hand, from what I know of what he tells me and what I hear through Discord calls, his mum gives little care for him. For example, he has had this sick feeling for a couple of weeks now and threw up about an hour ago, but his mum doesn't care and won't put in the effort to call the school to let them know he is ill and care for him. Also, I know that a lot of the time he is home alone and he commonly has the feeling that he mum couldn't care less about him.

We've had a few text conversations about how he felt, how he was losing hope, how he felt worse than before etc and one big thing that struck me was he said he had no motivators of things that made him happy anymore and that there was only one reason as to why isn't ending it all: the fear of dying. He has tried counselling but when the counsellor was availible to do, the teacher has been a complete bitch and cancelled his counselling sessions because he was missing her class once a week, putting a history GCSE over his fucking mental health. Secondly, for the most part his mum is unaware of any of these issues. This is because he wishes not to tell as due how she is, she will tell him to ""stop being so overdramatic"" or ""you've got nothing to be depressed for"" etc and possibly use it against him in future arguments to spite him.

He has said to me that he wishes to move out as soon as possible so for the most part he can disconnect from what seems to mainly be the root of his issues and so he could possibly gain a sliver of hope towards recovery, even though he has said he feels like he can't recover and he physically doesn't have the energy to put in to start the path to recovery due to his previous attempts failing due to factors outside of his control.

I try my absolute fucking hardest to support him and let him know that I'm here (and other people who know of the issue) but it doesn't seem like I have any way of helping him recover which I'm kind of in denial to the feeling that there is nothing I can do. I'm really scaree for him and worried that he'll end up resorting to suicide soon as his method to getting out of depression. What can I do that won't make it worse and how can I help him to recover? 

I do apologise for how long this is but if you've read the whole thing, I fucking appreciate it",8.92160449342942,5.835168746290804,8.679162780839338,75.7111053412463,62.575667655786354,12.002458668927511,37.27617634590929,9.957137785484203,3.3617754980924115,2621,89,546,40,28,850,279,674,0.157,0.743,0.099,-0.993,2,3,1,0,1,1,53.0,1,0,2,7,30,31,7,4,36,0,56,12,2,18,2,97,110,53,2,9,11,9,7,2,1,5,6,5,1,1,33,32,1,2,21,2,1,6,12,18,0,6,24,13,54,13,99,73,19,65,0,6,1,3,98,23,4,16,36,365,87,8,0.0,0.12571843004482433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351417364625359,0.0,0.0,0.1648409478808733,0.0,0.04242652251419077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215581646039232,0.0,0.040585454870549126,0.0,0.05261439164243235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468132054586609,0.0,0.045144256732162144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083462364106191,0.0,0.21636457084061853,0.05450011908955813,0.0,0.0,0.055625136619441656,0.0,0.0595035314469586,0.04235856102757375,0.05870221508706145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708359953330074,0.053847751325843934,0.055060712740478614,0.0,0.0,0.054302067247417964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397854961931501,0.0,0.17750459769266907,0.07008210740663612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969945563668564,0.10730090908705604,0.03790112524028675,0.10187853791339592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471401305461369,0.08315412131215409,0.050893340914705085,0.0,0.0,0.04243138817209922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295196333261658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278586933389,0.05979466792853109,0.0,0.07112071170727174,0.0,0.05321655690327324,0.10538734240768663,0.05224658919657274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768681177576204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055246610465669775,0.17493948549478452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085007211597359,0.0,0.05183810233412365,0.05317311569028604,0.04684683455702235,0.09390059848175768,0.0,0.05935281712241462,0.0,0.045103824622140035,0.0,0.10040019899993048,0.03541333752664159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069300367290024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846929118358009,0.056387019499515925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181170687453836,0.0,0.0,0.056499790219483925,0.1797506730716171,0.040349251922158325,0.0,0.0,0.11781831610571522,0.11490261399278967,0.0,0.11034096036887192,0.046323896121662524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392374692566339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999897216302078,0.0,0.0,0.05306742891891373,0.0,0.033987156427422456,0.16364218199086625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018624820288539,0.0,0.10623076051883884,0.10738508247311997,0.0,0.19319009687425945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081618515547132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755123742721722,0.0,0.0,0.04435474375479953,0.0,0.05546258991565743,0.0,0.05803144991054149,0.06020399740298914,0.05000189250661647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911217002135814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057383109548112,0.0,0.1042487477578828,0.0,0.061871345854274375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203910679145084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045820820303688316,0.0,0.043774340570619984,0.0,0.042111059139677456,0.08511194849955296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787214560629003,0.0592318602582323,0.12201682911171614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053877969877637225,0.10813122564599142,0.03768738018476709,0.0,0.0,0.13665775582958742
suicidewatch,seekingrelief,2019/02/06,Does the United States or Canada have anything similar to the Japanese “Suicide Forest”? Is there anything similar that is located in the United States? I guess I could just use any tree... but is there a place in the US or CA?,3.3326744186046504,5.649998488372098,4.518779069767444,81.8121220930233,75.74418604651162,8.020930232558143,27.02906976744186,8.841846274778883,2.4003069767441865,177,7,32,4,4,58,30,43,0.062,0.8390000000000001,0.098,0.1506,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122109354547688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135962128042657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491538534558345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730850811680475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34376835581855425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260354125357756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413420809415261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753687567141557,0.2695189277024694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phm_throwaway,2019/02/06,"I don't know how to live life I just turned 22 about two weeks ago. I only have about 12 college credits. I've never held a job. I've suffered from depression and anxiety all my life, and I don't know how to make it stop.

I think I'm a good person. I try to do chores around the house. I take my brother to school and pick him up. I spend time with my grandparents. I run errands when people need me to. I try not to be the video-game-playing leech that my brain always tells me I am.

The things I'm passionate about/enjoy doing, namely video games, music, and writing, aren't realistic career paths. I don't have the faintest idea where to start or how to live my life, and even if I did...

...I'm fucking scared. I don't know how to do anything, even the most menial and basic part time jobs. I don't know how to get started on a career path. I don't know how to do taxes, or how to handle money, or how to find a place to live, or how to cook or grocery shop or buy furniture or pay bills or build things or fix a car.

I have panic attacks nearly every day because I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know how to find out. I'm lost and scared and everything feels impossible, and I feel like a garbage human for still living at home at 22 with nothing to be proud of.",1.991364268335076,3.026059697080296,3.624118873826905,92.31867396593674,76.11678832116789,6.386930830726452,21.80674313521029,6.655083550727371,0.2626932916232181,983,24,230,8,21,328,142,274,0.116,0.8390000000000001,0.044,-0.9463,3,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,2,19,13,2,3,11,0,21,7,1,12,2,59,46,31,0,2,12,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,5,14,1,2,13,4,8,2,11,8,0,1,3,2,28,5,31,41,3,22,0,3,0,2,8,9,1,11,12,138,33,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662938544792164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090703736335737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339114147203626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970463997142755,0.09704060322954818,0.0,0.12401281254705533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645051988997783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168944584022245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030141162860325,0.0,0.09388879077196008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399806413519098,0.0,0.09184429373793103,0.0,0.09796973727867514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023586304868392,0.07787563566659991,0.0,0.0,0.1992634385661212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007765259887942,0.05695239929709073,0.0,0.0,0.09143108922709964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934433135048616,0.0,0.0,0.12578107872903013,0.0,0.1230572354768208,0.0,0.0,0.2163480693650496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41935723037273104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309876083831546,0.05325600685239172,0.0,0.3850257212119176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899556534935063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276396554136201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082836077535993,0.08407401218918545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104596517133593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290581406722597,0.0,0.12789789145645894,0.0,0.11804549400199753,0.0,0.07557271166587312,0.09518194602817333,0.1138905956481566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827288636690434,0.11032233879187596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431343877904527,0.0,0.08705426350103851,0.09113591859965668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196076414096944,0.0,0.09527816215385998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484069848786066,0.06984819274703243,0.0,0.0,0.12712737042509015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148019120769404,0.11856985633001055,0.10648538493427477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743997770784198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CireIsDire,2019/02/06,"Please Don't Do It If whoever is reading this has contemplated or attempted suicide in the past, please don't do it, I beg you. Today I found out my aunt killed herself by jumping off a bridge and it has not only affected me, or my mom but every single person in my family. As I write this, I hear my mom cry in her room. Please don't do it. Because you are valuable, no matter how many scumbags tell you otherwise, because there is always people in a person's life that care so dearly for that person. A distant memory of mine was on new years, I think it was 2016, and I remember my aunt. Her laugh, smile, her aura of joy she left on others. That was a good day, and I'll never see it again. You are valuable, you mean something to somebody in this world, something that can't be replaced. May god bless you and your families.",4.289399350649351,4.836361565476197,5.4675541125541125,83.06532467532469,70.25,8.251948051948053,27.772727272727273,8.296473431620573,1.7866357142857137,645,21,131,9,11,215,106,168,0.064,0.682,0.255,0.9893,0,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,7,0,1,4,9,1,0,5,0,18,1,0,2,1,20,24,11,2,1,5,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,14,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,2,25,8,15,18,1,20,1,0,1,0,22,12,0,4,7,93,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422619080824754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673666393667461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399639447448518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079330186851078,0.08853287398276767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566253216213118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25882673013183705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051810654903058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514217016599082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472214448918528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187763154781667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491528150860431,0.0,0.09696342435057788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391782207153677,0.0,0.14953585249770895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215563809134909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587716169475037,0.13258382908888294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440601147568043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104726696117014,0.09517119505077727,0.3595972415602953,0.0,0.4520696556891098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731502639458582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550907397649125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109392694583345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113664330889315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015971639323208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998691531032325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796212057683757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012337596392334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840245198913611
suicidewatch,HootonHearsaWhor,2019/02/06,"When you're in that pit of despair and feel all alone, even surrounded by people, what do you do? And by ""you"" I mean you, the individual, what do you do to get through it?
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suicidewatch,milkmyduds25,2019/02/06,Curious How do I make it easier on my family?,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,7.190000000000001,61.32500000000002,84.0,16.0,20.0,13.023866798666859,5.609999999999999,35,1,7,3,1,16,10,10,0.0,0.579,0.421,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8161248639105424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5778755977777559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kennyisred,2019/02/06,I dont want to hurt my people I have so many good family members and friends and they're the reason ive kept going this long. But i cant anymore ive been full of apathy for so long and im sick of it. How should i end it i dont want them to know its suicide but i cant think of how i should,-1.4325150905432589,-0.08452914084506702,1.8276861167002032,100.02450704225357,86.88732394366198,5.183903420523139,15.77665995975855,6.18269132825596,-0.8048889336016103,225,4,63,2,7,81,44,71,0.139,0.765,0.096,-0.1766,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,3,0,15,16,9,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,11,2,6,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159710462795525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104537082111855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288112107286534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529581263298705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824990394564382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376469679584776,0.18265660104358086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312914872243276,0.0,0.23523084598124736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196816515358286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854422690697072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078636088336573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097550254759048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390561566133554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382069347009499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395393359530094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568948257298015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,its_Sh00k,2019/02/06,Is there anything that makes you glad you stayed? I’m just wondering if there’s anything that makes you happy that you survived a suicide attempt or if you didn’t do it at all. Like did you fine any hope or any good thing that is worth staying for?,5.355882352941176,5.286424588235295,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,67.82352941176471,7.584313725490197,30.72549019607843,6.42735559955562,1.3699490196078434,198,7,43,1,3,60,35,51,0.069,0.586,0.345,0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,6,0,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,10,10,4,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,6,2,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,6,1,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332209791275725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020096567833911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487335332500856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600188730697087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426048844141273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933289651016482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260903429610624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206964413807388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671803439822633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622752164935891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26488910341823513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Truth_be_told___,2019/02/06,"Just venting I guess. Kinda long.   Its crazy how some of the survival post- you know the ones that say “I’m alive because X”- those ones makes me the most depressed. Everyone’s always like “I’m alive because of my mother, my child, my partner, my friend.” 

What if you have none of those. Like for me for example. I don’t have a child, my father has passed, my mother isn’t dead- but dead to me, I’m not close/in contact to any family, no siblings,  all my old friends have moved on with their lives long ago, and I’m not close to anyone around me. Because of the culture I live in, its incredibly hard to make friends here. 

Last week I deleted all my social media, turned off my phone for a solid week, and didn’t really leave my apartment. The only two people to notice anything was wrong was my boss (because I missed a shift) and one of my professors (only because I missed an in class assignment that affects my grade). 

Earlier last year I was close to some of the girls in my apartment. However, when I became friends with one of these girl’s brothers (she has like 5 siblings), she flipped out and stopped talking to me. When I asked her what was going on she couldn’t give me a reason she was so against my friendship with her brother. It changed the dynamic of the apartment a lot. She made it clear that whether I ended the relationship with her brother or not that she wouldn’t have a friendship with me regardless. During this time, she talked to a lot of the other girls in the apartment about it and elicited a lot of sympathy from them in the process. The other girls had the inclination that “well its her brother, so she can decide if you can be friends with him or not.” Which, I don’t think they realized that outside of them, I didn’t/don’t feel close to anyone else but her brother at that time.

I guess I felt backed into a corner.

So, I stayed friends with him. However, soon after this, things turned a bit romantic with the brother. We spent a lot of time together and developed a great friendship and one day things just shifted. Things were really great. While, I wasn’t as close to my room mates anymore and the sister flat out refused to acknowledge my existence (to the point I could directly ask her a question and she wouldn't acknowledge me), at least I had a good friendship turned relationship with the brother. He started telling me he loved me, and I waited a while to reciprocate that, but when I did, I really really meant it. 

However, one day out of the blue he ghosted me. I was incredibly hurt. I went to his apartment a few days after and he told me he didn’t have feelings for me and never did. I had to beg him for an hour to even talk to me and tell me what the hell was going on. In my view, I haven’t been this close to someone in this particular way in a very long time if ever. 

I guess it really just perpetuated what I’ve felt for a long time. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I know I don’t make a difference to people. I apparently don’t have the ability to be close to someone and to be important to someone elses life for any significant portion of time, or to connect with someone on a deeper level. 

And its depressing and I’m so tired of it. ",4.049034044298601,5.236572693396226,4.830475799835933,85.05623872026251,71.2798742138365,7.983264971287942,28.60596117035821,8.389252357687651,1.907775198249932,2507,94,512,39,46,810,257,636,0.083,0.773,0.14400000000000002,0.991,4,0,0,0,0,0,77.0,1,3,4,1,19,23,1,0,43,0,41,3,0,9,5,102,78,37,3,8,17,11,6,4,8,2,2,1,1,7,35,38,0,3,15,0,1,5,20,7,1,7,24,9,91,16,82,47,14,78,1,5,2,1,76,35,1,18,39,362,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575489390033102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401983843280183,0.0,0.0,0.0882976102559054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438462309750434,0.09078916002892876,0.06651968685403391,0.05342481306384653,0.057793845321633584,0.12138556441128798,0.0,0.0,0.04992057963334162,0.0,0.19787753477681036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087739745577051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867827474166209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051834486755017666,0.0,0.0,0.12560687303061316,0.0,0.11183348146495534,0.0,0.0,0.0678290864794836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846706437177084,0.0,0.05750112571490696,0.0,0.0,0.042879998517516685,0.058725158872827726,0.0,0.06203521761320997,0.0,0.0,0.06120215532392024,0.0,0.09847869148435763,0.04637988936850432,0.1246695259703199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30094885879405564,0.0,0.0,0.062278560497950476,0.0737927003943213,0.05445302329664917,0.0,0.1431522325380312,0.2145548548334576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815685794402295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393454050390625,0.0,0.0694997437485534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135825064112516,0.10583927632379796,0.0,0.06874243054101215,0.0,0.0,0.04585593269149985,0.12686934417315313,0.0,0.11465364103278973,0.2298137240838983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207755450856845,0.05859413387344967,0.06143023581319618,0.13000669501832812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900121591713085,0.0,0.0,0.050071416441395344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391348919550063,0.06812412981977058,0.0,0.2639546856127921,0.0987513604615848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001670358998698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061371744814751515,0.0,0.062176793121422325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727268702373084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795168284058813,0.0667500524820795,0.0,0.13940265975849614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051628134465980094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617923184597027,0.22003090012564816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045951729044538425,0.06919761646115112,0.0,0.05427723043244391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654418172907514,0.11348839934607947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939275900135644,0.041599037034721,0.0,0.0,0.2271372808281301,0.07461764440430915,0.0,0.06203521761320997,0.0,0.0,0.2118476506272905,0.06341881296170856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053566986731215696,0.0,0.05153161685059265,0.1041521255720174,0.0,0.058372170884332476,0.060182824859650735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098140258215997,0.0,0.04180727852102939
suicidewatch,allyzflamingo,2019/02/06,"I think i want to kill myself tonight Im alone my mind is a mess i hate my bodyi hate my life i hate myself
I want to hang myself tonight
My thoughts are attacking me and i cant stop them
Im so sorry
I caused everyone in my life so much hurt and im annoying im repulsive 
I think im going to kill myself tonight",-3.2852696078431367,-2.778863236111107,0.1562091503267986,101.48617647058822,125.80555555555556,3.9163398692810474,15.346405228758169,5.900188976854957,-0.4665810457516342,245,8,62,4,17,86,37,72,0.4320000000000001,0.514,0.054000000000000006,-0.9868,0,1,0,0,0,4,0.0,0,0,1,0,2,9,7,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,10,12,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,1,0,19,0,4,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,32,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621240161726828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962007157631926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510463640952913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567054754213725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474439052497578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38953872403646606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079213690158918,0.0,0.7103070047731357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910091172241474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578931101126792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279512042031552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966804491181287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472230037372424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995446667158117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685421269567954,0.0,0.10441015469722252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514478421796676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exhaustipated_,2019/02/06,"Instead of commiting suicide I just isolated myself I guess I wanted to isolate myself til I was brave enough to end it all. But I couldn't. I'm just a coward. I have suicidal thoughts almost every day but I know I can't do it.

Now I'm stuck in this isolation and don't know what to do with my life. I don't know who I am, what I want, what I like. There's nothing there. Zero. I feel so hopeless and empty. I don't feel human anymore. I'm too far gone and I'm ashamed of my situation.

How can one begin from absolute zero? It's seems impossible.

I'm not one of those depressed people that have a great life but still suffer (that sucks too). I suffer because my life is truly shitty and it would make just sense to end it.

All I wanted was to be normal, to be average.

I feel so lost",-0.5661038961038969,1.6041320000000034,2.278658008658009,92.32694805194807,92.09523809523807,4.9593073593073616,18.350649350649352,6.574015621080383,0.104657142857143,608,18,134,8,22,212,91,168,0.282,0.621,0.097,-0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,13,10,1,1,2,0,17,3,0,2,3,33,40,11,2,6,7,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,7,0,4,6,3,22,3,13,30,3,10,0,5,0,0,2,2,1,3,8,95,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196219507036616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604055391930792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859699764648268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431081846110922,0.0,0.13930896098482193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28651248173156435,0.1671236981524143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627540655084364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534627752118635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783221671747739,0.17817808828843185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666690768531093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427314747548796,0.07901943266930374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656153023509044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796467132400056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847374420750174,0.15519671735791135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920241009586025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213219229278316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724470191767375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818058462397707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291681243087268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35384105840537444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128405830970523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862005376204147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148975470513045,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway07084947462,2019/02/06,"I don’t want to sound whingey and whiney but I just want to let off steam I’m fucking done. I had an interview for my dream job. In the field I’ve been gunning for. I excitedly prepped bullet points to hype myself up for specific job functions/qualifications. I did my homework to be able to answer the “tell me about the company and the project” question. I even tailored my references to my TA’s who were also my friends and worked specifically in that field. As well as my friend who works at that company! I had insider info too. I did all that, I gave 110% in that interview. I even wrote out a well thought out thank you letter to follow up. And after all that, I didn’t get it. 

I understand that I did what was expected of me in any interview. I understand that they don’t owe me the position just because I wanted it. I also understand that I wasn’t the only one who probably wanted it. But this was my shot to turn my shit around. I wanted to get the experience to strengthen my applications to grad school. I wanted an opportunity to be able to move out. I’ve also applied to a certificate, and an online post bac program in the same field to help my grades. But now I just don’t know what will happen. 

My parents constantly gave me shit for not doing IT. They have been pushing for me to do a coding boot camp to strengthen my bachelors. I applied at first to make them happy and get them to stop guilting me about not liking programming. It’s on the table. My cousin who studied in the field im gunning for says it’s a useful thing. I’m just so done. I feel like life doesn’t want me to fix my damn mistakes and is making sure of it. And I don’t want to sound entitled but I can’t help it. ",2.229290137720678,4.079640859598857,3.9817339865052257,86.56737683704596,77.36676217765044,7.368555319345599,25.011646178020147,8.259297600419973,1.5350561234864593,1336,48,282,25,31,449,163,349,0.066,0.757,0.177,0.9896,4,0,0,2,0,0,32.0,0,1,4,4,18,17,4,1,17,0,28,4,2,3,3,51,59,18,0,10,10,2,1,2,2,1,1,3,1,0,24,12,0,1,10,1,1,3,10,6,2,2,18,4,51,11,50,37,3,26,0,0,0,1,25,17,4,1,7,203,75,15,0.20296157093798006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434624424266601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901041404332654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033941424332396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618617449112996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966467738245916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207700153821874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405420342837165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992676808246927,0.0,0.0,0.051311734289554836,0.07249789341586617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631950427843964,0.0,0.0,0.15680760623873832,0.09381735092648982,0.15905856582776606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973912344478717,0.10802818315927802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604086275342794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961666249672697,0.0,0.20140804167179127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577118574193992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377097867561408,0.0716788799201204,0.09915677157535567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547842462352874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785801486888376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876600657715835,0.07718071024849701,0.0,0.0,0.11268240282203755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593214375683788,0.0,0.09719054059922616,0.0,0.1094134506249326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368170469406938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070159374542157,0.0,0.1027039726951831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083371359316911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848424806608508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564443932875838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886986794465769,0.09342987288632812,0.0,0.0,0.0674193246152606,0.0,0.0,0.08056440814864221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038195364913647,0.0,0.3169352297560157,0.0,0.08764681590702082,0.0,0.0,0.4788479723687948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248682697802368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775844090349274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sksnsmsm,2019/02/06,"This is a bullshit life. Why am I always in a position of total uncomfortableness, suffering, and hopelessness? Fuck this motherfucking universe. If there is a god it is a venegeful petty piece of shit. I’ve never had reason to live. Fuck this place. I wish I could kill myself. I want out of this game...a pointless prison",1.8423333333333325,4.652473233333332,3.530000000000001,81.62833333333333,91.66666666666666,6.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6676666666666669,254,9,45,6,9,84,44,60,0.45,0.473,0.078,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,4,0,6,4,1,1,2,9,10,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,8,2,4,0,2,0,2,0,3,3,1,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261882482507917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170378901203279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5026136033433675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007448220517865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920048890982697,0.0,0.0,0.24003502206917585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096556802257671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840094064763035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794913476157705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790344151875267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033515020753294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24528853733153946,0.0,0.3125964917970249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tupsu1c1d3,2019/02/06,The cycle I'm stuck in two cycles. First one is i feel like shit then my life gets a bit better then it goes even worse. The second one is I'm told I'm to fat so i starve myself then i told I'm to skinny so i overeat repeat. It's to tiring.,-2.9764912280701736,-1.38875285964912,0.3361403508771943,103.93298245614037,103.91228070175438,2.533333333333333,8.087719298245613,3.1291,-2.3995754385964907,185,1,49,0,9,65,37,57,0.211,0.6970000000000001,0.092,-0.7929999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,3,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,6,2,4,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301515419474948,0.2841028405340393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187890382860066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131579680721396,0.1859077616594087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135078788982399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595899389873053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380754938303895,0.12713482136098428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526760229482164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712148992674223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29909513455896736,0.0,0.4973202225168701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25420607348007884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651957428425762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydiisone,2019/02/06,"Title. I.. don't really know what to say. I hate my life. I hate life. The world around me doesn't seem to care enough. The few people that say they're there for me.. it doesn't really make me feel better. It doesn't really help. Maybe a little bit for the occasionally times that I see or hear them.  My mind doesn't want me to be happy either. My parents say they're there for me, but I don't see it. They complain that I go to bed too late and I'm not working for school enough, even though they're one of the very few I told a lot about how I'm feeling - multiple times. At least I still go to school, even though I still haven't found anything that actually feels like a passion for me or just something I'd ""like"" to do for work. The future of needing to grow up and becoming independent is even more depressing. There's nothing to look forward for. My parents don't say I shouldn't go to therapy, but they neither encourage it.

For the past month, I've been tortured horribly in an online community that was supposed to serve as an escape from real-life. It was like that for the most part. But I don't enjoy it anymore. It makes me unhappier than I already am. I tried to ignore the shittalking and the big time bullying but I really have to leave it now. So now that part of my life is gone as well. That's one thing. 

I don't feel like talking more detailed about the stuff that's going on in my life (so I don't know why I post this). 

I cannot be happy. I want this to end. I'm so desperate and feel so lonely. I feel this too often. I feel so sorry but I've really tried. I've been feeling like this for over a year though I don't feel like I've ever been like optimally happy. I didn't ask for this life. I probably wouldn't kill myself but I have wished thousands of times that I was not at this place anymore. Everyday I just don't know what to do to solve it, to feel better. I'm in my early twenties, but I'm done with it. I was done with it a year ago. I just don't want this anymore. There's nothinf to look forward to. Life doesn't suit me. Please make it stop. Please. Please.",0.8791777323799792,2.8111438876404558,2.7264530132788565,93.52876021450464,82.03370786516854,5.933094994892747,19.55183861082737,7.075746649084167,0.1903146067415724,1630,42,376,21,44,542,177,445,0.153,0.7170000000000001,0.13,-0.8356,2,2,1,0,0,2,57.0,0,0,3,4,31,25,4,0,17,0,37,7,0,5,1,56,80,24,1,7,15,2,10,7,0,2,6,5,1,0,33,7,0,2,15,0,0,8,22,8,1,3,13,19,48,17,50,63,14,42,0,2,4,1,16,15,0,6,29,244,81,4,0.0,0.0,0.06402725192436567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058160538325970575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240380021594392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520660523646732,0.0,0.0,0.053992583383317166,0.05840804737756751,0.0613377926112261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246262525011765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605588491597585,0.0716306445012701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689518470896222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651099392549295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428646318295756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811221690352857,0.13558820946379732,0.0,0.1300071125752018,0.05934925843073058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33175090103386984,0.18749116003796434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193950240539372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915385943827472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953363356169646,0.0,0.1295553277925373,0.0,0.0,0.07394880483712216,0.0,0.04397793157915332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072589281718745,0.0,0.10817491190537816,0.0,0.0740125055673769,0.06947298830080842,0.0,0.0,0.2780595900081179,0.2243808764060923,0.06575984934747801,0.0,0.0,0.11019408562497147,0.0,0.0,0.055780457354107006,0.0,0.0,0.13138833659142382,0.0,0.06591545986168057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624880003082655,0.0,0.05237038539890331,0.0,0.0,0.04865001420540247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295589809778945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891995157964179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457073676594951,0.14210148282090673,0.06263349568314172,0.045486676468716736,0.0,0.06854993770742956,0.2160648099320758,0.0,0.0,0.06283757480075212,0.0,0.0707401753860328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468012579602934,0.21016168202691676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087072425876892,0.0,0.1328044586804028,0.10456756592998392,0.059730145116345175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051085337918307,0.0,0.07344657923917282,0.0,0.0,0.10479468135539492,0.054854059787481264,0.0,0.0,0.07510934397613826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273594983588882,0.0,0.0,0.07503234236819359,0.0,0.04358929199701722,0.0,0.19338857216356395,0.0,0.1530341161876311,0.0,0.0,0.06269449470381186,0.0,0.08909165370947261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054136267996329625,0.11609789297547207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899251907481814,0.0,0.05920407412923653,0.0,0.0754498602919864,0.0,0.0,0.09553174645876662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450316780252004
suicidewatch,Empathy-and-Sympathy,2019/02/06,"I honestly don't want to die ...but I am at a point where I don't have any strength left. I fought for so long and now it seems like i finally lost the battle. I know people in my life wont understand since my life seems great and seems like ive got all my affairs in order (which isn't untrue) and I'm still unsure as to if I should write letters explaining what I plan to do. I dont want them to hurt, but i dont want to hurt either. I actually really want to live, i want to see my friends again, I want to cuddle with my dogs again, I want to make cookies again but I just can't. I'm too weak to go on, I'm drained, I ain't even able to look at someone and tell them im fine. I can't sleep because I cry so much, my post history is full of research on suicide methods, on how families react, what helped them understand and so on. Ive been praying that god sends someone to help me and im not even very religious.

I just dont know anymore. Sorry I'm such a weak person.",1.7177777777777798,2.4781380000000013,3.7694444444444457,92.08250000000002,76.4074074074074,7.251851851851853,24.14814814814815,7.6454224807358475,0.8584037037037038,752,23,185,10,16,258,117,216,0.155,0.6759999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.8022,0,1,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,3,3,16,14,2,0,3,0,18,6,1,3,1,36,44,15,2,9,8,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,11,7,0,0,4,2,31,7,24,38,4,23,1,3,2,1,14,12,0,4,9,110,36,1,0.1066690011236164,0.0,0.10409355790825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253857859996808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578698629899287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502443301908314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717088894387588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107055823029282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750458246628355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409077384456787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055804096135718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168506767913383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241220566420812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062245152664675,0.0,0.08531294459725501,0.11760295031344173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299596593423544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22838274376717502,0.0,0.23044165141199946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172449867643228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589618183009424,0.0,0.15068694014149678,0.10422617177926594,0.0,0.09419068225884752,0.0943987093166902,0.08957509566941536,0.0,0.11644181537537948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712023865483823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841398931843245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395085449932197,0.09313925736596684,0.0,0.0,0.10083668452995977,0.0,0.10215941704108808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833489353566632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500138341339071,0.291322357246307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882377000164982,0.0,0.10674603620052836,0.0,0.18076059699609587,0.0,0.0,0.11940721363813947,0.0,0.0,0.08518600208728604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667857414978068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323340860858204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222092384108114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801309720850256,0.4404129839286133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SureCandle,2019/02/06,"Title I.. don't really know what to say. I hate my life. I hate life. The world around me doesn't seem to care enough. The few people that say they're there for me.. it doesn't really make me feel better. It doesn't really help. Maybe a little bit for the occasionally times that I see or hear them.  My mind doesn't want me to be happy either. My parents say they're there for me, but I don't see it. They complain that I go to bed too late and I'm not working for school enough, even though they're one of the very few I told a lot about how I'm feeling - multiple times. At least I still go to school, even though I still haven't found anything that actually feels like a passion for me or just something I'd ""like"" to do for work. The future of needing to grow up and becoming independent is even more depressing. There's nothing to look forward for. My parents don't say I shouldn't go to therapy, but they neither encourage it.

For the past month, I've been tortured horribly in an online community that was supposed to serve as an escape from real-life. It was like that for the most part. But I don't enjoy it anymore. It makes me unhappier than I already am. I tried to ignore the shittalking and the big time bullying but I really have to leave it now. So now that part of my life is gone as well. That's one thing. 

I don't feel like talking more detailed about the stuff that's going on in my life (so I don't know why I post this). 

I cannot be happy. I want this to end. I'm so desperate and feel so lonely. I feel this too often. I feel so sorry but I've really tried. I've been feeling like this for over a year though I don't feel like I've ever been like optimally happy. I didn't ask for this life. I probably wouldn't kill myself but I have wished thousands of times that I was not at this place anymore. Everyday I just don't know what to do to solve it, to feel better. I'm in my early twenties, but I'm done with it. I was done with it a year ago. I just don't want this anymore. There's nothinf to look forward to. Life doesn't suit me. Please make it stop. Please. Please.",0.9967781552129616,2.8776321573033736,2.8181813430885825,93.29003135615368,81.35955056179776,6.027175333159133,19.78703945649334,7.1213741377187105,0.2296401881369219,1630,42,376,21,43,542,177,445,0.153,0.7170000000000001,0.13,-0.8356,2,2,1,0,0,2,56.0,0,0,3,4,31,25,4,0,17,0,37,7,0,5,1,56,80,24,1,7,15,2,10,7,0,2,6,5,1,0,33,7,0,2,15,0,0,8,22,8,1,3,13,19,48,17,50,63,14,42,0,2,4,1,16,15,0,6,29,244,81,4,0.0,0.0,0.06402725192436567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058160538325970575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240380021594392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520660523646732,0.0,0.0,0.053992583383317166,0.05840804737756751,0.0613377926112261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246262525011765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605588491597585,0.0716306445012701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689518470896222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651099392549295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428646318295756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811221690352857,0.13558820946379732,0.0,0.1300071125752018,0.05934925843073058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33175090103386984,0.18749116003796434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193950240539372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915385943827472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953363356169646,0.0,0.1295553277925373,0.0,0.0,0.07394880483712216,0.0,0.04397793157915332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072589281718745,0.0,0.10817491190537816,0.0,0.0740125055673769,0.06947298830080842,0.0,0.0,0.2780595900081179,0.2243808764060923,0.06575984934747801,0.0,0.0,0.11019408562497147,0.0,0.0,0.055780457354107006,0.0,0.0,0.13138833659142382,0.0,0.06591545986168057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624880003082655,0.0,0.05237038539890331,0.0,0.0,0.04865001420540247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295589809778945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891995157964179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457073676594951,0.14210148282090673,0.06263349568314172,0.045486676468716736,0.0,0.06854993770742956,0.2160648099320758,0.0,0.0,0.06283757480075212,0.0,0.0707401753860328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468012579602934,0.21016168202691676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087072425876892,0.0,0.1328044586804028,0.10456756592998392,0.059730145116345175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051085337918307,0.0,0.07344657923917282,0.0,0.0,0.10479468135539492,0.054854059787481264,0.0,0.0,0.07510934397613826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273594983588882,0.0,0.0,0.07503234236819359,0.0,0.04358929199701722,0.0,0.19338857216356395,0.0,0.1530341161876311,0.0,0.0,0.06269449470381186,0.0,0.08909165370947261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054136267996329625,0.11609789297547207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899251907481814,0.0,0.05920407412923653,0.0,0.0754498602919864,0.0,0.0,0.09553174645876662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450316780252004
suicidewatch,DipMyDickInMyShit,2019/02/06,"At 17 I tried to kill myself. I changed my mind last moment. I always kept the belt around. Now I feel like it’s the moment to use it again.. It’s like one of those belts that gets tighter the harder you pull it. The tighter it gets the more difficult it is to loosen it.

I was around 17 years old and I felt the shittiest in my life. Nothing really worked for me. I was deadly obese and I had no friends and a broken family. I used that belt and wrapped it very tight around my neck. At first you feel nothing. Just the very few seconds, after that it gets quite hot. As if you’re directly under the sun. After that it goes fast. You try to fight against passing out while you gasp for air. I wore a turtle neck sweater all the time to hide the marks and no one ever found out.

In the years that followed I got my life back on track. I got my university degree, I lost all of my weight, I can run again, climb the stair. Almost nothing is physically impossible anymore. I even had a nice relationship. I landed a job at the a consulting firms of the world. Until my relationship went south (together with all my social contact), my job became a burden and my college debt following me around everywhere making my life a hell. 

I’m so glad I kept the belt. I wanted to get this off my chest, but that belt will always remind me of the sick foreign (I never felt part of this country), pathetic and lonely loser that I am. I feel nothing anymore. All I do is lie in bed all day until the next day. Waste my time at the office and pretend I’m fine and head home and do the same thing. 

I hate myself for what I’ve become. I can never see it getting better again. I’m lost and lonely. And if I could go back in time I’d give the 17 year old me the courage to push through, because you’ll become a piece of junk that will hate himself. 

I was never meant to belong here. There is no place for me on this planet. I’ll probably still be here tomorrow, but the urge to wrap that belt very tight around my neck looks like the way for me to end all my problems.",1.8688401097530516,3.688879530805689,3.1694886505362945,92.1186081317037,78.33649289099526,6.053479670740835,21.057869792965825,6.950104931194217,0.3400701421800947,1590,42,350,17,38,516,205,422,0.151,0.795,0.053,-0.9903,4,4,0,0,1,1,48.0,0,5,0,8,20,22,5,0,31,0,19,11,5,3,10,55,54,21,2,5,5,0,9,3,1,3,5,0,2,0,26,20,2,4,7,1,1,9,6,13,0,4,17,11,55,9,48,32,11,69,1,5,2,0,14,25,1,3,37,230,81,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187657125418209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607128109189218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217927342367375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36394419162896496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257456042192442,0.0,0.04984363233496161,0.1806076577050264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231514682641335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649730449401309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528328501268849,0.0,0.0,0.10546426783858424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724201706932754,0.0,0.0,0.054005495950854,0.0739617872986677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708145675843017,0.0,0.12402963521631855,0.05841345648527964,0.15701585384231306,0.0,0.0,0.06954989130616658,0.0,0.08965190662811501,0.06317200301976504,0.0,0.2135961054825589,0.07843714232926388,0.04646935074776325,0.0,0.13079105334668814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145346801231908,0.08391523218007378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201769766090039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227974805411113,0.0,0.0904616697260188,0.0,0.0,0.06664998608396891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326066741456006,0.11983982200171593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866262307285405,0.0,0.17851391437069788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054579262159007824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256008223575115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918832355658666,0.0,0.08695878539071031,0.0,0.0,0.3138257068360801,0.0,0.17159876606031838,0.0,0.11081315452352722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854432157304894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542778875613688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815729031355651,0.07823876443722445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696792252178674,0.0,0.0,0.0523812227327057,0.0,0.0,0.17557159602163486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515670350523096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334986849470535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529822054546576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054321520241836334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303477057071934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102713186277396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123868227977,0.0,0.2023958804823898,0.04822754820712398,0.0649018335210244,0.0,0.09956863581679297,0.0,0.07579765430591373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595264279510777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796335510328993
suicidewatch,occupation_cat,2019/02/06,"Trying to talk myself down Because of someone abusing my for several months, I've been stuck either living on the street or in shelters and because of a mix of desperation and Losing so much sleep from being on the street i had to go back to the shelter.

I was bullied out by other residents last week due to being disabled. Meaning that as long as I exist I'll continue to be bullied by the residents. The staff isn't bullying me, they say a few ""be positive"" type things but it doesn't stop the other residents. At any other shelter it would be much worse but i don't have photo ID so anything else for housing doesn't actually work. I am also stuck with my abuser because of the lack of photo ID.

.... So of course, I want to get out by just ending it all and I almost did last week. I voiced intent and nobody really cared but, well, duh. Of course they didn't, nobody tends to aside from my friends who don't live here. One has been coming up from a neighboring state to stay with me and keep me relatively stable because it feels like the world is going insane and I'm the last sane resident, because of what my abuser has done.

He's made everyone around me think he's someone good or on my side, sometimes he goes far enough to say he's an SO or otherwise close to me. It's a total lie and I've started carrying around a video of him, the one that exists online, as a way to warn anyone who would Want to know. So far, it's been nobody and my friends are the only ones. But the closest one is a state away and the rest are in other countries.

I went back to the shelter and almost immediately burst into tears because of my memories of what made me leave and how much I'm dreading anything but sleeping, waking up and getting away. It's sleeping in a communal room of course and the staff is in the next room over usually but a fight broke out that morning and there are always things happening around me so I can't tell if anyone would listen to staff or not. The DV shelters are full and I'm closer than ever to calling an ambulance or asking someone else to just because being here is so miserable for me. But if i leave I'll be fine, but I'm losing so much sleep on the street that i can't sustain another day of it. I don't know what options there are other than ending everything now.",4.895247568523431,5.156500688034189,5.907639257294433,81.45115384615389,68.82905982905983,8.59192455054524,29.17211906867079,8.433251757073789,2.011103949307397,1814,61,363,25,29,603,209,468,0.126,0.797,0.077,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,3,0,38.0,0,0,2,3,24,13,1,2,29,1,39,5,5,4,3,68,67,43,0,8,19,0,1,1,3,3,0,4,3,0,24,26,0,2,5,1,0,4,10,6,1,4,13,5,32,7,67,44,12,63,0,4,0,0,20,35,0,10,21,259,56,5,0.0,0.2711786739639468,0.07444944866008947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278973099249007,0.0,0.0,0.06101024388228876,0.06348059681594136,0.0,0.0,0.05188080119342499,0.07999823583131932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668950945167573,0.0,0.12556272349062544,0.2037466919418485,0.07132220585270628,0.0,0.14335665464172606,0.1173268295670424,0.0,0.3255459126856673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790209891617919,0.0,0.07778421640648023,0.0,0.0,0.0657183276626046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920167291309889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807263974326539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746343160130802,0.0,0.13514315791638115,0.07882946039377782,0.0,0.0,0.06900998302679899,0.0,0.07289974853575501,0.06856583470091232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03857524871383775,0.054502626123779783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178851678788841,0.0,0.0797182661604354,0.0,0.08671637675330425,0.06398964746263792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746427604083395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803008859874067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781134489623426,0.0,0.0,0.08385556991391407,0.1865631392796508,0.0,0.16156325690422876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727214815616912,0.0,0.13473349367632853,0.06751553125935217,0.0,0.1707012327738249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437762663124826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310375313022987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060895106409853614,0.0,0.2243319717111046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113682109399313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678824003898616,0.05802308448483836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048874255527517695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134004408291607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618762142081211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053861814881603,0.0,0.1939244904716824,0.0,0.07545419343294914,0.0,0.05399947998919679,0.08131653330764407,0.0,0.0637830671347531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061320176516180463,0.06668208875834425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136929695171308,0.048884479749369936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179688569736755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402425225851641,0.0,0.08999734605541929,0.06055660082425709,0.12239279647578186,0.0,0.06859517452628096,0.07072293718375988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055541083207758586,0.0,0.07774750388446447,0.16258576853109544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Andie6492,2019/02/06,"To those still giving their all... Keep going! The struggle is real and you are somehow able to give it your all, still... it’s beautiful that you do. ",0.7101724137931029,3.2320888965517263,1.8857758620689644,94.45556034482763,91.06896551724138,4.279310344827587,17.594827586206893,5.985473137389443,-0.2472827586206896,114,3,23,1,4,36,24,29,0.068,0.738,0.195,0.6476,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,20,8,0,0.3052316002745581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5856119279762715,0.17347015250102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713038708689081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474203848139437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875167005259875,0.0,0.0,0.3190943414925315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jah-Ki,2019/02/06,"my best friend my best friend committed suicide on christmas and i feel completely lost without her. we told each other everything, well i guess everything except for her telling me how badly she was in pain the night she died. everyone in her life treated her like a punching bag or just disregarded her except for a few people close to her (i was one of those folks who was lucky enough to be her close friend). horribly enough its triggered some of my own suicidal feelings but i am not sure i am ready to end it right now but i am rather hoping that i get hit by a bus.",3.771140609636188,5.466159132743363,4.239410029498527,87.03093411996069,72.71681415929206,7.854080629301867,26.714847590953788,8.515128840125781,1.7683596853490662,454,16,92,8,9,143,79,113,0.179,0.665,0.155,-0.4686,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,3,5,14,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,2,2,25,15,5,3,2,9,0,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,5,2,21,11,14,8,8,9,0,1,0,0,16,6,0,5,4,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194300571647768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316717873839237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568461296275444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400342424815012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996190002196812,0.32656099574782144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150998207730222,0.28404263003147256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980283980486365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366265647520525,0.0,0.08256074647282652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740806796856804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695297215582915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161665770863224,0.07720229058233948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725012962307323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829433180713886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708080018362184,0.0,0.16814812491951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955358448663097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495118906882636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457040792142525,0.0,0.14893526040291025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811948727476206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150998207730222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208208698182356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232899628739066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway124peep,2019/02/06,"Why can’t I stop?? (sorry for shit format and punctuation i’m on mobile and just don’t give a shit about trying to make my vent reddit posts make sense)

Almost every night for the past week and a half i’ve been thinking of different ways to off myself in great detail before i fall asleep. Every night i think of ways to improve on the last idea / find one that would be significantly more likely to actually work. I don’t want to keep thinking like this i don’t like wanting to die all the time. All day every day i’m just constantly flip-flopping back and fourth between being some-what okay with things and not feeling awful, and having an overwhelming urge to just end it and not do anything anymore. I want to feel good again but i don’t know how long it’ll be till i feel good again. I’m scared that the bad feelings will take over and overwhelm me before i get to feel good again and i’m scared that i’ll be gone before it gets better ",3.7415618060695763,4.8716648031088114,4.398863804589194,88.0787694300518,71.95336787564767,6.7578090303478895,22.594004441154706,6.868970318607317,0.5139092524056252,749,17,157,6,14,239,115,193,0.122,0.74,0.138,-0.1791,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,16,2,4,7,2,15,3,3,3,2,39,39,12,1,4,6,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,11,0,0,2,7,7,0,2,2,5,12,9,22,30,3,27,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,1,20,88,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.11011348478873552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299082815461865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190484733884873,0.0,0.0,0.09285595321358672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867653575369376,0.09421490883119893,0.0,0.0,0.2880501513067491,0.0,0.0,0.09979592700179092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193765188753775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554218357297755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710789503118188,0.11789155861214318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994086142577778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852123182807704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852710892370869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031317696306881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790626050595825,0.10824436751694744,0.0,0.2839291572735709,0.0,0.12440415084921648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738022139845342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029548410528437,0.0,0.0,0.06201274279628378,0.0919779249272947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538065195523607,0.0,0.0,0.09985796480875024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506403098456407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178139569467624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646186148396833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771651549746386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806748890546264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259407866832249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165290559226656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631275812666293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943375124883442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484003595407953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496446742607654,0.2169058541399154,0.0,0.0,0.0657966698496222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660950736359824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966409908175276,0.17913089925389775,0.09051173363632677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018186275394396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214731379503099,0.0,0.0,0.08015678590069017,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ivappa,2019/02/06,"When your own parents can't be there for you My parents are religious and homophobic. Whenever I sought therapy, they hit me with this religion bullshit and made me go talk to a priest (which never worked because he never took me seriously). That was before I told anyone about my suicidal thoughts. I just told my parents I'm not strong enough to make it through life when all I was thinking about was cutting my goddamn head off. 

I was living in my own corner, with my own suicidal tendencies and problems. I needed help, but I was scared to reach out to someone in my life. I was scared that I wouldn't be taken serious or they wouldn't care. Everyone has their own problems.

My coping mechanisms weren't so helpful either. I've been biting my nails since I was a little kid and I never stopped. I tried multiple times to get rid of this behaviour. I also have the urge to pull my own hair, whick results in uneven hair and pain.

It was last year when it got worse. I started smoking and drinking. When my parents found out I promised them I'll quit. It never happened. I'm a teenager.

And then I decided to tell my own mother about my tendencies.

Picture this: a girl, sitting on the dorm's bathroom floor, crying and telling her mom who's on the phone about all of her dark thoughts. The mother seems to be understanding, the girl feels relieved. Everything is fine. Therapy is next. 

But mom didn't listen to me when I begged not to tell anybody. She told the priest about it. I don't care if you trust him, secrets are secrets. When I went with my family to church he jokingly asked me if I'm a ""suicide girl"" and made fun of me. That was the last time I saw him. I talked to my parents about this and somehow it was my fault because I didn't want to trust God's ways. The worst? I believed them. 

After my first therapy session - which consisted of me trying not to cry while talking about all the shit going on in my life - my parents blamed me for making them pay for *nothing*. They told me I had nothing, my mental health was okay, I am a teenager and I'm creating non-existing problems. Uhm.

Again, I believed them. And it became so much worser.

I wanna talk about it. I have no one to talk to. Everything started in middle school. I used to be the happy and cheerful kid, I used to feel worthy and loved, but bulling made me re-think my place. My self-esteem lowered so bad, I kept hiding myself from others and I had trust issues. Then I was sexually assaulted by my neighbour for 2 years, which literally killed my mental health at that time. I told my parents at some point; they were devastated, but they never pressed charges. My molester's son was the mayor of the city.

I literally dragged myself through school. I got bullied, betrayed, maligned, I was never capable of friendship. In 8th grade I became closer to this friend of mine and we realized we were living the same nightmare. It felt so good to have him around me. We're still best friends and we spend a lot of time together, we reassure each other when we're stuck in life. I love you, ***A.***

Can it be worse? Of course it can.

In highschool I came out as lesbian to myself. ***A.*** was the only one who knew it (he was also gay). Him and my internet best friend (surprise, he's gay too) supported me. They were my family. They were the people who loved me for who I truly am. Thank you, ***P.***

My parents are homophobic, but they don't know I'm lesbian (if I am good at hiding something, it's my sexuality). They hate gay people, but they love me. They hate their own children and don't realize it. I sometimes think about my life after highschool. Do I run in a foreign contry and live my poor, gay life? Do I stay with them and pretend I'm straight so they can pay my college? I'm scared. I hate myself for being gay because it brought a lot of problems and future concerns in my life.

My mother constantly makes me feel bad about myself. She judges me for having ***A.*** as a friend (he's not openly gay, but he is feminine and people *assume* he's gay). She needs to know everything about every single friend I make and shames me for them. She taught me to trust absolutely no one and now I have anxious feelings when I have a basic conversation. She puts pressure on me when it comes to school and wants me to be perfect. I can't, mom. I'm a human being. 

My life consists of anxiety and stress. During holidays I can't sleep well in weekends because of Mondays. It's sad; my brain gets anxious about the first day of the week when I don't even have school. 

There's a lot more to tell, but I don't have the energy. I'm looking forward to heal and get surrounded by supportive people. I don't want to end it all. ",1.305696525373598,3.822647807319696,2.7765298344630978,90.06301796953034,85.45855758880519,5.543657327941505,23.22405182362125,7.001395882987947,0.9367051678158242,3659,138,732,51,111,1189,366,929,0.189,0.662,0.149,-0.988,9,0,2,0,1,1,158.0,4,5,20,8,40,61,8,6,34,1,68,32,6,10,11,124,147,62,4,15,18,15,8,0,6,2,12,1,1,7,36,44,1,2,21,5,4,11,26,26,1,5,50,11,157,35,98,86,25,92,3,1,2,13,106,34,1,11,46,505,193,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171625775162638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034302091828168985,0.10131173520204388,0.0,0.03135281828242348,0.0,0.0,0.039916658103991684,0.04191887601872142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487821268634942,0.10933496268593194,0.0,0.03815510864373145,0.10103751456935403,0.09411256967709652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005570702171107,0.0,0.05128443822428058,0.09143370945341894,0.0,0.0,0.03862525557798493,0.0,0.048455565821688536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850816205345804,0.02891776554159418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439256356583137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03971448452656288,0.04633118588190858,0.0,0.02961606431961505,0.0,0.03777920942296111,0.0428460601313599,0.12089654363257316,0.0,0.08454137272564738,0.0,0.09068878613015303,0.0,0.043052948081663565,0.0,0.0,0.07628090504789052,0.0,0.0491641931312065,0.1732144175043626,0.0,0.07028035817851659,0.0,0.05096663798399005,0.07521848396017408,0.07172448248361041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039651418365956335,0.04773247744500353,0.0,0.13280915791318107,0.04601825925091233,0.09532457524871442,0.0,0.0,0.06010993819457864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046800784319930434,0.0,0.0,0.049608258972449665,0.0,0.049285228866308414,0.07310034802978445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533716975708605,0.0,0.04494095490652232,0.11878228980994628,0.0,0.0376538836552796,0.0,0.0,0.11436280846858055,0.16187758372606575,0.12728464630913194,0.119722847473841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037533152620536,0.0,0.0,0.15754642789755938,0.0,0.0,0.03296218897314256,0.06649583648082105,0.2074979022161322,0.0,0.047687312854797576,0.0,0.0,0.0860494117789787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115320915156766,0.03410245737164685,0.047712385329423866,0.0,0.3983116326761823,0.0,0.0,0.12434424326165625,0.0,0.046847729882651484,0.0,0.04238781727331889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162136845988238,0.0,0.045076078388624735,0.0,0.04769232356448354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467647389623064,0.18151985590490047,0.0,0.040820193246635696,0.046777373621351176,0.0,0.04602709844316216,0.03709169457873236,0.0,0.044871878703774015,0.0,0.037992359583233146,0.03451963480039336,0.0443474082411376,0.0,0.06347525233353891,0.04779293681739124,0.0358088795516439,0.037487826566065856,0.051363491349745216,0.0,0.0,0.14714139314951946,0.10176665773130164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020144260094745,0.15676678408422198,0.041282183684056416,0.15383361496534756,0.0,0.0,0.08619401579160978,0.0,0.07119510265492879,0.10458508319273678,0.0,0.0,0.21423030065679952,0.04981833008823842,0.06088614909605877,0.0,0.0,0.046679496848061656,0.0,0.07745385585611304,0.0,0.0,0.07934248975211568,0.035591504941807905,0.03596753913955275,0.0,0.040316092051163384,0.041566662164212384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03264368723732035,0.0,0.09139055465638726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775033080754749
suicidewatch,Ponnaz,2019/02/06,"Im just so tired of shit I am a 16 year-old male, suffering from depression and I have been sexually assaulted more than once. And I know ""life has just started for me"" but from the day i was conceived it has been all just a big downhill with small peaks of rare happy moments. I have a girlfriend and she makes me really happy but I just feel so broken. I don't know what to do. I feel so numb so often. I just want it all to go away",-0.7276950354609929,1.3768845638297904,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,91.65957446808511,5.260992907801419,17.407801418439718,6.816661863887847,-0.07718156028368739,335,9,80,5,12,114,60,94,0.206,0.6759999999999999,0.117,-0.7974,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,0,4,0,10,4,1,1,2,20,18,9,0,1,7,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,2,12,2,10,15,3,7,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444905253610936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406705598893486,0.0,0.2057593048204395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415842653919064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576913224074588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086148350177486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580468313012663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625801120163037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873810434762435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594637958660387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506793745414401,0.2544146257679267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304180156790767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452215591364101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909061042625748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27457384745337793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090604376466642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384009247028824
suicidewatch,shippitybiphop,2019/02/06,"My suicide note In 1 or 2 weeks from now I'm going to kill myself, I'm not posting this here because I want sympathy or to be talked out of it as I have already made the decision. 

I know that I am worthless in existence and will never be able to function as a member of society,
so there is no point in carrying on.

I know that there is people out for me that are trying to kill me so before that happens I would like to go out on my own accord.
I know that they have been recording my every move and I know that it is only a matter of time before they make a move.

The method I want to use is to shoot myself, but since I live in the UK I have no way of getting a firearm.
So I have decided that I'm going to hang or suffocate myself.

I have thought about the way it may affect my friend, but I know that deep down he will understand, time will pass and he will forget about me.

Anyway, nobody cares until you're dead.

",4.571398246423628,3.8279964213197992,5.8899769266266775,84.73239963082604,69.55837563451777,8.788001845869866,27.55376095985233,8.00094639256281,1.5002629441624364,713,19,160,8,11,242,106,197,0.128,0.795,0.077,-0.9038,0,0,1,2,0,4,14.0,0,0,2,0,10,6,2,0,8,0,20,0,0,4,1,32,41,14,4,3,6,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,9,0,0,7,4,3,0,0,3,0,26,3,29,30,1,28,0,1,0,0,6,12,0,4,7,116,38,0,0.14672466233369605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191431342509155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944199230954185,0.0,0.2497037617279193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959557193534107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236218561989353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133591101527519,0.0,0.07665758023224467,0.0,0.2501610206262295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974813433604876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32465819960988684,0.0,0.403180186185911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168225866727855,0.0,0.12956056496108034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883442315406133,0.0979398514434172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118901915960354,0.0,0.0,0.11316310488026135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159071737127993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172040650429444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387022315073702,0.0,0.14052166807290242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213721568932578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049296621671855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793172575239652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164829925891314,0.17111266107051354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996164144647943,0.0,0.0,0.1527455480125141,0.0,0.12672299893176256,0.0,0.0,0.1730840146986637,0.2329264149792265,0.11769367382889145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422899038563783,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vagabond969,2019/02/06,"A weird existence 25 (m) guy , constantly troubled my hormones , soich so it took me 7 yes to complete a graduation. (7th year going on) . I can't concentrate on anything and believe it or not I had 7 gf ,all got thier fill and found happy things and what all . I am lonely like hell . If I continue like this I won't be able to live like this anymore. What's wrong , I am tall (6'3) , I am good looking , a good enough dick (7 inch ) , nice understanding . Is it bad to he a good , understanding boy . I just wanted someone to cuddle to . My hormones don't let me live normally , and peer pressure won't also . Better I go away",1.1156823821339972,3.2889994516129057,3.4509677419354863,87.30991315136481,82.70967741935483,6.396029776674937,24.054590570719604,7.61054688173877,1.2666049627791565,468,18,98,8,13,161,83,124,0.191,0.625,0.184,-0.2278,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,3,16,1,1,4,1,11,2,1,0,2,15,20,8,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,1,13,9,8,12,3,12,1,1,1,2,4,5,2,2,6,57,21,1,0.16114384448458133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886667421465225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981139308600195,0.0,0.0,0.13260765366542146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139994642424864,0.0,0.1345483791617446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155393047083315,0.0,0.14251863523099145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895625505214318,0.17413924848828488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650466781744505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766859079905561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316352076388198,0.4054794340072483,0.12888145320466535,0.0,0.0,0.15955774103887502,0.0,0.1715406189114493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478049881497814,0.0,0.23618022817553325,0.0,0.2845859339439505,0.0,0.13532024425274186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578867535171023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653665650024513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705680992562763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790367404733535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355128503027129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950468145700515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618549715938342,0.0,0.10377135253959686
suicidewatch,G0d_plz,2019/02/06,"I don't know what the fuck I'm even doing anymore and I'm not even sure about who I am either. I think about killing myself for hours a day. My anxiety is just getting worse and worse. I got a job that I'm failing horribly at yet somehow they haven't fired me yet. My dad seems to resent me for not working hard enough and he's probably right,not that it matters much anyway. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I'm a big fat hairy cunt and I really really really wish I had the strength to work on transitioning or at the very least becoming more feminine. I think it would be nice to have people recognize me as a woman alot of the time but I know that if I ever tried I'd just end up looking like some unlovable mutant. At least ""big hairy guy"" is something that some  people are into. I'm constantly overeating and I don't even have the balls to purge properly.last week I started cutting and it felt good until I realized I was cutting in easily visible places. The blood was satisfying but because I used shady razor blades from work I seriously worry I'll get an infection (although it seems like they're healing up fine.)
I figured since I cared more about letting blood flow out drawing on myself with red pen would be a good substitute. It's not. You can't smear it and get the morbid fascination from watching it drip down your thigh.

The awful visions in my head aren't going away anytime soon either.


I'm actually starting to resent the moments when I feel happy because shit like that keeps me from just getting it overwith. I can't wait for the weekend when I get enough time to pick up my very own razor blades. 
",3.4036934787548283,5.214010696319021,4.538520790729379,84.02889456941605,73.93865030674847,7.406316746194048,26.79800045444217,8.167268648758528,1.772220768007271,1301,48,252,21,27,426,179,326,0.14400000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.5879,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,1,5,17,23,9,0,18,1,21,9,6,2,2,46,53,16,1,4,12,1,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,15,10,1,2,10,2,0,2,9,12,0,0,5,8,35,11,36,43,13,40,0,1,4,1,8,20,3,8,21,166,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.10491531875936104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224569238608041,0.0,0.1066221158271252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101021155093563,0.0,0.0,0.1310755296376154,0.11873755623990942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961472523446332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161812982405743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933576124572184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522291800761573,0.22217539857417887,0.0,0.21303019022156106,0.09724993935000094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436083930603355,0.0,0.10322750991327527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939227368642732,0.28085054542684684,0.0,0.06110103212629234,0.18035040908075212,0.08598644293252011,0.0,0.0,0.1064528856025066,0.0,0.11444755837145215,0.0963088225966432,0.10614494690779452,0.11033739905580167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587677080345838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668817123271453,0.0955607998894862,0.11894509605115525,0.0,0.11817057084510592,0.08763589065486442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993737737613762,0.0,0.1575734693149001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805644826424392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903302423179494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906931088208256,0.0,0.11232621031439913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159151427970999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662307875000266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181388656280118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574812368417388,0.0,0.0,0.11035859267543167,0.08893428767209116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276729242330108,0.0,0.0,0.15219381091114476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132793344162402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777753543096585,0.0,0.0,0.12538116659956489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299297538780422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285506602291847,0.0,0.17741582349923374,0.0,0.0,0.0862389143721754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236324518852358,0.0,0.0,0.23480806992621656,0.10918273433367837,0.21912597875707215,0.15274559259715784,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ichuu2,2019/02/06,"Bf says he is planning to kill himself and that I need to move on. What should I do He is depressed, doesn’t show it many times. 

He hates himself and has financial problems right now. Some days he gets so depressed he says I should just move on because he will kill himself in the future. He has self harmed before (years before I met him, he stopped because he cut too deep once). He has scars all along his arm. I’ve seen him break things, try to cut himself in front of me but thankfully he hasn’t really cut yet. Weed is his medication. He is perfectly fine when high


Today he told me that if he kills himself i need to move on, that he will probably kill himself one day. And when I asked him what’s going on, he said leave me alone and hasn’t responded. This has happened a couple of times already. It’s getting very repetitive and sometimes I’m concerned to whether or not he will commit to his word.

The other day he told me he will leave me his car if he kills him self. Like he plans it but a lot of times I don’t acknowledge it 100% because he talks about the future, his plans, his ambitions, that he wouldn’t kill him self because it’s a waste. But then some days he completely changes and says he will... it’s like a mental battle with him so at this point i don’t know if he’s just talking or if he will really do it...or if I’m in denial. 

I just need to know what steps I should take
What should I do 
Just to add, he doesn’t want professional help, he thinks money will fix everything. He feels worthless and like a failure because he didn’t finish college and wouldn’t go back. I just don’t fucking know what I should do",3.4443584070796476,4.3404180117994136,4.120519911504426,90.67865597345137,72.42182890855456,7.301917404129792,25.924410029498524,7.492282038375204,1.0574374631268435,1282,40,286,14,24,408,146,339,0.194,0.7340000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9912,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,14,23,12,0,8,0,34,3,1,0,3,54,60,24,6,17,17,0,1,3,1,14,1,4,0,3,19,11,0,1,6,1,1,8,11,17,0,1,6,6,36,6,22,40,4,41,0,3,1,1,65,12,1,10,23,158,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504455677152879,0.09061400667840244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676479870856519,0.0,0.0,0.06314001612224669,0.0,0.2502773571101242,0.0,0.1397446455115529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686492437159954,0.0,0.08609417411094099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085674271651084,0.0,0.21182499739836,0.0,0.14144803354783464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379808905476484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151892341588634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591237096406585,0.08580156182829901,0.0,0.09333369778201994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261247052550586,0.0,0.0,0.08106982853664116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503877661021154,0.08675715066307818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545076830676715,0.0,0.13538187444021774,0.0,0.0,0.1738921384535771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034915002010872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980974368934231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832499412779695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827204546235452,0.08275083675586355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618201501742439,0.0,0.1826577900178485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744792502114516,0.0556420592720945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762355696819123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853196525242314,0.07857128491486451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520769352953248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012426175496375,0.07810849883011617,0.19589924234571413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569860653149184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121209799034418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865034880898085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173894040224616,0.13199903033732846,0.0,0.07559884285402327,0.0,0.0,0.05455239068038272,0.052614851196318174,0.0,0.0,0.1436426788189059,0.0,0.07783375410468688,0.15692544714080545,0.0,0.05574950265139767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677520259314091,0.04843251881831135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287823697627917
suicidewatch,Shiftclaw,2019/02/06,"People have hope for me but I think I'm running out of it I've been thinking about killing myself for a long time, probably 8 years at this point, my mom is a heroin addict who I haven't spoken to in 5 years, my aunt just died of an overdose of that same drug while her kids were in the backseat of her car, while my mom drove, my Dad always took care of me but always wanted to buy my happiness with his money, I have a girlfriend, we'll make it to one year in April, hopefully, we've told each other that we love each other, and I want to marry her, and she feels the same, were planning to move in together since things go pretty well for us, and her mom told her to find somewhere else to live since she's moving back to her home state, I was pretty happy when she chose me over staying with her mom, I make great money at an awful job, and I have 4 more jobs lined up whenever I say the word, and I'll make amazing, family raising money, and I didn't even have to go to college to do so, I got to skip the hard/expensive part, my girlfriend tells me that I'm handsome and all that jazz, but I think she's just saying it to be nice, I got bullied all of my life for how I look, but it is nice that someone for some reason finds me attractive, despite all of the things going right in my life, I just feel so empty and alone most days, and I always have this premonition that I'm not going to be around much longer, I've told her about my problems and she tries her best to help, but it feels like this depression is never going to end, and even though I promised her I would never leave her side unless she asked me to, I feel like I should just end it all, my life might be going places, and I might have family that loves me in all the wrong ways, but still loves me regardless of what type it is, and I have a career, and my amazing girlfriend, I just feel like I'd be better off gone, I don't really have any questions to ask, I pretty much understand the worries and stresses I have will get figured out, but j don't think many people have solved the endless depression thing, I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest, thank you for reading, probably won't be an update.",18.94986842105264,5.496638109649126,16.426456140350876,58.511526315789496,58.254385964912274,19.643508771929827,54.371929824561406,10.355215969177356,5.848157719298245,1702,40,379,16,10,550,211,456,0.109,0.672,0.219,0.9958,2,1,1,0,0,1,45.0,3,1,0,3,19,29,1,1,15,1,35,9,1,5,7,81,81,30,2,9,15,6,5,3,3,7,5,2,1,1,25,23,0,0,15,2,4,13,8,6,1,1,13,8,70,23,53,56,16,52,0,2,1,3,46,19,0,8,20,257,95,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551298543393996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174136693690726,0.0,0.0,0.17291104281836758,0.0,0.0,0.04710501521495237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061663729183974815,0.12951355856399038,0.0,0.0,0.05326326853813188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269310965684403,0.061262437103947937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062394205613677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467250886376742,0.0,0.1193218668247138,0.0,0.07188985832653039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032957085062789,0.0,0.057865016989084014,0.0,0.12270281806393185,0.0,0.0,0.09150249827739447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060052018920087,0.0,0.17512139710519578,0.14845647949289234,0.0,0.0,0.12662046919621267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237995663168037,0.0,0.23620160940388185,0.0,0.11080083538576127,0.07636886289691368,0.07630715917890868,0.0,0.0,0.14747540010893578,0.06205104918168058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642927447031568,0.0,0.06948204165888902,0.13759867495373587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747677070024672,0.0,0.07663542971448603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334543318131571,0.0,0.0,0.14677935682757395,0.1015233997318922,0.0,0.06116543233329511,0.06130052069474262,0.05816816824682696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875528155031494,0.0,0.13871196126679866,0.07022747617750243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696605105564714,0.0,0.32450613270173273,0.0,0.14724309372389974,0.10184076476821116,0.0,0.10684841079935788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693818796761442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501113071514025,0.0,0.09604423449099188,0.0,0.07237093147532167,0.0,0.06548120532115301,0.0,0.0,0.2114131697504236,0.14936650729764128,0.06628068386463355,0.0,0.0,0.07759667150980812,0.0,0.06928733314287948,0.0,0.04437523124710261,0.07121964521246903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059154995742500015,0.0,0.11017032295625234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459938372190212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869104989444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383109841351479,0.05531798391793052,0.0,0.07934693361059186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605437991178264,0.0637732093750152,0.0,0.0,0.13805691600936434,0.17753805719260407,0.0680560360919808,0.0,0.040391070752209865,0.0,0.0,0.1985673130494061,0.07695995007787985,0.04702882439623663,0.0,0.0,0.0721110430784093,0.08332158264297737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256922380903175,0.054982181029886175,0.0,0.0,0.06228077950620151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703456135717059,0.0,0.049206417558579615,0.075734327099474,0.0,0.13382009898940364
suicidewatch,Caleb_Haider02,2019/02/06,"I'm a failure Who deserves to die. I'm nothing, I failed to Be there for my gf when she was raped, I'm a horrible friend to everyone around me, I can't do anything for anybody.",4.865384615384618,3.3367607948717968,6.538076923076925,82.9194230769231,69.25641025641025,9.851282051282054,37.44871794871795,8.841846274778883,3.0225794871794864,137,7,32,2,2,48,29,39,0.331,0.541,0.128,-0.8859,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,6,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36885162348372585,0.3990159712636916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46518759121082204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42829893859344575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462981237423093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300847221253851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CorbeauAtWork,2019/02/06,"I'm Tired of Asking How to Find Motivation I keep asking Google and my acquaintances what keeps them happy. They all recite their hobbies and similar things. Not helpful at all.

It's hard to stay motivated when nothing I do makes me feel better. Everything feels pointless without a payoff. 

​

Sorry, just needed to vent a little.",3.8290000000000006,7.1055449000000035,4.445000000000004,76.5525,83.33333333333334,6.333333333333334,25.83333333333333,7.6454224807358475,2.1893333333333334,274,11,40,5,8,87,52,60,0.101,0.6990000000000001,0.201,0.7643,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,17,10,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,6,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837795389706333,0.2449037553879294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768416922164993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782534641433089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113899358560107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038181773712396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421187870292488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145523602067427,0.18054806490303013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509385854094466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582915258530797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200476617306748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345353356411278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944582205396487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933914326241861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256172909859287,0.0,0.2148241185929976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390001383640213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316506046077584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428577378223374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449037553879294,0.0
suicidewatch,fantasticmeteor,2019/02/06,"I'm not suicidal, but I tried to kill myself Last night, I had been drinking casually throughout the day(I'm not an alcoholic or anything, I just inherited a distant relative's liquor and I had the day off)
Well over the course of the night maybe I drank too much and forgot to eat, and i blacked out.
Apparently my apartment building owner had to pull me out of a bath that I had plugged. I flooded my apartment so he came to see what was happening.
I had literally tried to kill myself. Was almost successful.
I have a good life, I've always struggled with depression but up until I stopped being coherent I was having a good night mentally, just got accepted for a scholarship, me and my boyfriend are considering moving to a bigger city, I successfully made chapstick out of beeswax I also extracted from a hive myself.
Why? Why did I do that? I dont want to die and I would never want to do that to my boyfriend",4.237021791767553,6.009533610169492,5.407380952380952,78.81266949152544,71.65536723163842,8.898950766747378,31.851896690879737,9.424239791934726,3.0762303470540764,727,34,136,17,14,241,106,177,0.139,0.7020000000000001,0.159,0.4455,2,0,2,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,2,1,12,0,18,6,0,1,1,26,28,11,4,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,10,5,2,1,4,2,3,4,4,1,0,15,2,26,7,22,11,1,20,0,1,2,0,2,9,0,2,8,100,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556212418083264,0.14581528483539608,0.0,0.0,0.11645057598812295,0.12116575173095108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119831118044141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654807592241794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782298793507635,0.0,0.1254204773978244,0.0,0.15112838227079972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066308545494527,0.1426500972978909,0.0,0.14900345753092706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427475879880306,0.11646393104605425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287694213898644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222092458374948,0.0,0.0,0.11869801771422744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285422387556914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778717073681274,0.0,0.0,0.14629274534878914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674858590352913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476877457434465,0.10704590596585492,0.0,0.11230949572169052,0.0,0.0,0.4099575829349468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603860707669067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217430784322325,0.0,0.15223143823091054,0.0,0.15928233960839294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772998073854414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717784116020951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092797332531456,0.0,0.2627949970575661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344277282050554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donewiththiss,2019/02/06,"whats the point i ruined everything. my life was perfect, i could have lived the perfect life, i had so many opportunities and perfect circumstances. everything ruined. cant be undone. just turned 18 and havent achieved a single thing in 18 years. my problems right now arent even that bad, it wouldnt be so hard to overcome them and yet it seems impossible. ill probably kill myself eventually, why not do it now. almost did it half a year ago. should have gone through with it. i think the only thing making me stay alive currently is ecstasy. taking ecstasy with friends every two to three months is the only thing im looking forward to. cant do it more often sadly. i have no future. maybe i could become an artist in the future, i seem to be able to learn quite fast, maybe i have talent. i will probably commit to only that until summer, maybe longer, maybe not. see where it gets me. probably nowhere, what are the chances to make it as an artist anyway? maybe i am gifted and destined to become a master of arts, there is a chance. i dont htink so. maybe i can solve my pathetic problems along the way. theres no meaning to this post, shouldnt waste my time writing it but whatever. im out of touch, out of time- there must be more after this world. this world cant be the only thing there is. its too meaningless and strange. the pig humans in the train in the sky are laughing at me right now. ill try to ignore them from now on maybe theyll leave. why am i allowed to live, im so pathetic, im a waste of a life, good people dying to cancer, why not me instead of them? theyre at least doing something out of themselves, have a family, a career, arent pathetic. nothing is understandable. ill try to do become someone meaningful, like the old masters. its the only thing for me to live for. ill die for it. i will seriously do it from tomorrow onwards, commit completely to art. i think im pathetic too, i agree with you. i truly am. wont find another person as pathetic as me that easily. i fully agree. but i cant help it. i try so hard not to be like this but i cant stop it. theres no way out. if only you knew how it is. haha",0.8233995037220829,3.2252172119815725,2.7820506912442404,89.98208702587736,86.55760368663593,5.8269408011343495,20.09730591988657,7.24557181361754,0.6489792272243888,1666,51,345,27,52,556,200,434,0.17600000000000002,0.675,0.149,-0.9576,4,0,1,0,0,1,64.0,0,2,4,8,24,20,1,0,23,1,50,8,0,4,6,54,65,19,3,9,9,0,3,2,1,8,8,0,0,2,30,13,0,2,10,4,0,2,19,9,0,3,5,5,38,11,48,44,4,45,0,3,2,0,11,19,0,5,24,235,68,3,0.06747444823682394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981202718670117,0.0,0.06756591324532504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075284218183027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056338345868162276,0.0,0.2235606806382212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074567522121059,0.0,0.0,0.1077457129425614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005564885659316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907955081008915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044566236693744966,0.0,0.05685013278861387,0.0,0.12128336659543815,0.0,0.063608904725567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061670423285760174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213059133016445,0.0,0.03525261429859088,0.0,0.0,0.0565943658775345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088770457578504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522670035281705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644199138461011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465047980283174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714456981415841,0.0,0.0,0.14297759473851115,0.06592921428496801,0.0,0.17874352194693924,0.0,0.056661542644898526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900794362915146,0.06840849997871838,0.4745100670530064,0.07349945494221741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053857460838847064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474355287916489,0.0,0.07080308300064586,0.0,0.0,0.30790415039514263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467782865820674,0.058916085589600285,0.0,0.0,0.06378516325286314,0.0,0.06462186975065684,0.0,0.218246602344054,0.12912786867871967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071767381293865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524562024025208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376839929848598,0.12285240702351514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717088102820024,0.05194512675599034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191878405944592,0.0,0.056411660031776535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050732387775399096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241351260679844,0.08646980386269869,0.0,0.0,0.07868978676406216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374321636410907,0.07339282390609865,0.06591273150658514,0.07024328022875789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711615266669043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265558366402587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869026648556619
suicidewatch,thanatos_mind,2019/02/06,"I can't do this... I am so lonely. I have ""friends"" but no one to really talk to, as fast as I try to talk they stop listening or start to talk about something after they've said a little ""awww""

I don't feel like I'm worth something. No one really cares. I've really had enough of this life. Not for even one second I've felt happy over the fact that I've failed my suicide attempts. Plural. Not even able to do that right lol. It's really not worth it.

Fuck. ",-0.009842300556588413,2.0576380714285705,2.0927087198515757,95.92696660482378,86.6530612244898,5.604452690166976,15.031539888682744,6.980632752743323,-0.3735632653061227,353,6,83,5,11,118,62,98,0.205,0.609,0.18600000000000005,-0.3007,0,2,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,4,7,1,0,2,1,7,2,0,0,1,9,15,5,1,0,5,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,7,3,0,4,3,4,7,4,12,12,1,7,0,2,0,1,7,3,1,1,5,49,13,1,0.1708902801658722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423402986924666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657534126270166,0.0,0.2257428366898829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640726033026523,0.12208405029599165,0.16408146813383395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202940654448433,0.1579853103240605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191588092841854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070485870715242,0.08348835888757418,0.17127695521364816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34739902954682234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379067574798776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593936553302758,0.16255578991813766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631193732307806,0.0,0.0,0.1209570198688493,0.0,0.0,0.14287192617888084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692622988663188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120654019656965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602328270002647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,djthreedog,2019/02/06,"I had a nervous breakdown and missed a lot of appointments, now my doctor won't prescribe me my medication I'm on Clonazepam and Paxil. I went to the ER last night because I was having severe side effects to not being on my medication. I even had a CT scan because the doctor wanted to rule out anything physical because I had been having temporary amnesia and vertigo. He wants me to follow up with a neurologist to make sure it's not psychosomatic, and said he wants me on *all* of my medication to avoid going through this again.

I told my doctor all of this in a message with her secretary (she was out for the day) and she said she would see if my doctor would ""think about it"". I'm gonna be punished again for not going to my appointments. She did this once before when I missed appointments, I was out of my Clonazepam for three weeks and I wanted to die the whole time; it was the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. 

I'm so tired of being mentally ill. I don't wanna live anymore like this. I still live with my mom because I'm too anxious to get a job--the last one I had I quit after a week because the anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself and considered slitting my wrists so I could go to the ER and miss work. I'm tired of being a burden and worrying and waking up every day not knowing who I am or where I am or whether or not I'm going to be okay.

I know I missed a lot of appointments and I'm sorry! I didn't want to, I just couldn't get out of bed or do anything and I know it was wrong but I can't and I won't go through this again. I won't.",2.563432835820894,3.5798966865671633,4.535701492537314,86.41071641791046,74.67164179104478,7.509253731343285,25.34029850746269,7.976525956113202,1.3085546268656718,1230,40,271,18,25,423,148,335,0.135,0.8490000000000001,0.016,-0.9755,1,1,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,3,15,15,2,2,16,1,32,14,2,2,4,58,69,24,2,12,13,1,1,1,0,6,12,2,1,0,12,20,0,1,6,0,0,7,12,12,2,2,18,5,45,3,43,38,6,36,0,4,2,0,13,13,0,7,17,195,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101586988696393,0.10487321066557448,0.09206393775746743,0.0,0.0,0.15278488645233526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751045382508452,0.2829462093410858,0.0,0.07899279858906619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411842661682352,0.0,0.0,0.11973732012676508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634447671790801,0.0,0.0,0.3800680371365391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131435309605737,0.08397143776205414,0.07821457170172179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913283115599534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970012907087708,0.0,0.2637915021172801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921209739614627,0.0,0.10270433891186832,0.0,0.15305335100488354,0.15134018153702958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556965825096985,0.045352798709404216,0.0,0.16394389162959808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784410207976554,0.0,0.0,0.06196577020207459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28055401424594084,0.09355235267876112,0.0,0.0,0.108723171371735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711610665258268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886255466805713,0.06290505035197322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873776391913812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766080952467433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739747141463234,0.0,0.0,0.10487321066557448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391730276826072,0.0,0.0,0.07413538345638701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749262275556179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616731466711012,0.05948269900617911,0.0,0.0,0.054130814363582434,0.2133923859317718,0.0,0.08870450952961917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285266657770932,0.0,0.14892771510751945,0.0,0.0,0.08605576262451115,0.0,0.1036430931888812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675824628156513,0.09427492954823397,0.0,0.13188971744279235,0.10149671015958804,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RiverShark,2019/02/06,"How to get through the next two days? Hey everyone,

Right now I'm living a pretty busy schedule, last semester in school as a non-trad student(undergrad mid twenties), and these past two weeks have been extremely rough on me. I haven't been able to think, make decisions, focus, loss of appetite, zero sex drive, etc.

Lately I've been feeling so much nothing I sit in my car with the engine running and sometimes go for a drive. Honestly, it gets scary when I drive because I don't even know if I'm mentally stable for that. My suicidal thoughts have always been here but for some reason they've taken the front of my mind. 

I seriously haven't felt this much nothing in a while. These thoughts usually come in waves and I thought it was over early this winter but it's not. It's profound and scary. I keep telling myself I'll be okay because I've gone through this before. I've tried contacting friends and family just to talk, isolating any problems it might be, and making myself busy but all the vacancy in emotion is just increasing in frequency whilst all my previous solutions end up being only temporary. 

I considered calling the cops on myself last night but that would fuck everything up-too much bullshit for that. I wanted advice on how to survive the next two days because I don't have any responsibilities on Friday. What do I do?",5.944352941176473,7.037376062745099,6.1784313725490225,77.48294117647059,66.80392156862746,9.450980392156863,32.64705882352941,9.627879704456738,3.1034705882352944,1076,45,194,22,17,344,154,255,0.106,0.833,0.061,-0.935,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,0,10,1,20,2,0,5,2,38,40,17,1,4,8,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,9,0,0,10,5,4,0,4,11,3,19,3,26,24,8,44,0,1,0,2,6,14,1,3,19,122,33,1,0.1156476004847045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300949673862365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622806793939064,0.0,0.0,0.1572886681095985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114931115597684,0.0,0.0984075901642282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808913027176705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996201676792076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916627005070626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008798480381806,0.10242944800304392,0.0,0.12897764460303093,0.07638414942165071,0.0,0.0,0.11050623823217592,0.10393660631532574,0.0,0.10902226536411122,0.0,0.05847490162666365,0.0,0.11103983243088476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934904925820608,0.106914343127502,0.12084219614914544,0.0,0.06572519645545659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279290099707476,0.0,0.0,0.06355689678035664,0.18853645934931249,0.13045553060166096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211894999025413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439134268375052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654558068265665,0.12268382847550985,0.11677110906449632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550428788191464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459850702178113,0.1085274388715881,0.0,0.22193398339621426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795521144908175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039872046140596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117655185755809,0.0,0.11065913511426204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890499437893795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876241892618402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704154582124307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437843398086014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264997045651657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295316061635764,0.10108110019795934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741023127451575,0.0,0.2754338304675789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851712942124492,0.0,0.3389127042599121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273694933639718,0.0,0.06821195109188824,0.0,0.09276552935310406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215273729257806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThoughtfuIIdiot,2019/02/06,"Almost killed myself It wasn't my intention to kill myself. But I didn't really care if I lived or died. Everything was too much. I couldn't think. I didn't have anyone at the time. Everyone left me. No one really cared. I took a handful of antidepressants to numb myself. No big deal. I'll wait it out and everything will be okay. I'll live another day. But as the pills settled in two or so hours later. I felt terrible. I felt like my mind was projected a million miles away. My vision was all fucked up. I was feeling this pulsing sensation. Now I knew I was probably going to die. I was overdosing. I can feel the fact that I'm dying. But I woke up my sleeping mom and told her to take me to the hospital. While I was overdosing. I had two seizures, I kept throwing up. And I had lots of hallucinations. I accused of my father being an imposter. And I genuinely believed someone was going to shoot up the hospital. It was terrible. The worst part is I lost alot of memories I hold dear to myself. I lost my last birthday, my favorite day of the year, and memories of me and my ex, as well as me and my family. All I have is photos and texts. And even then my mom deleted all the texts I had with my ex. Crying. For all I could tell things weren't going too well. But I can't even remember. No one knows besides one person. I haven't told my ex. She's not even talking to me. But she was the only person that texted me to see if I was okay. And that means alot. I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, and a plethora of mental problems. I don't think I deserve anyone, let alone someone who cares as much about me as my parents and my ex. Doctors don't know if I suffered permanent brain damage or not. But as long no one noticed that I almost lost my life. I don't care. Should I tell my ex? She thinks I was in the hospital because of stomach issues. Not an overdose. idk. I almost died and I feel completely indifferent on the subject. I just feel guilty I hurt the people I care about. That's why I tried to push them away.",0.3910096153846148,2.7481068509615407,2.648750000000004,90.32125000000002,88.66346153846155,5.9884615384615385,21.221153846153847,7.395310329662975,0.9165903846153852,1574,55,332,29,52,533,195,416,0.217,0.715,0.068,-0.9964,2,1,0,1,0,1,58.0,0,0,1,3,13,27,3,0,19,2,36,9,4,1,5,65,70,34,6,7,16,9,7,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,11,15,0,3,14,0,0,6,17,16,2,7,30,8,74,11,40,33,11,31,0,8,1,1,23,14,1,12,12,240,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459842871637328,0.0774337802187534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839740690722785,0.05719486389016727,0.0,0.0,0.10455456671384464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048797289110146,0.0,0.0,0.045575925373471576,0.0,0.0,0.08423432195539465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346223794088875,0.0,0.0,0.381138458942822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783894655848631,0.0,0.0,0.05969360551169906,0.0,0.0821256171335196,0.096434215874906,0.07707922121284029,0.06439480877972358,0.0,0.31037621541331906,0.0,0.0,0.07652493621365092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814432684234705,0.0,0.0,0.07144096604133725,0.13438755460346494,0.0,0.07048159526761735,0.0,0.15121330807059025,0.0,0.14357185666321665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911884866314981,0.0,0.0,0.12747166865374268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362826331144262,0.0,0.08003725986712351,0.0,0.0,0.07803502196135248,0.0,0.0,0.1654323377111012,0.0,0.08217755263804041,0.06094328702796426,0.0,0.0,0.08123216903111638,0.07645206883241376,0.052808586094323415,0.03652630254830811,0.0,0.13203736829956714,0.06616449127525467,0.0,0.0,0.2448438183079145,0.06356235548960773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144078031177998,0.0,0.0,0.07534532896074367,0.0,0.07549113037183246,0.1751272496756447,0.0,0.0,0.10992145442819166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512021517416378,0.0,0.0,0.20265024133968507,0.05686199598153455,0.0,0.0,0.0830174575464098,0.08096298771202018,0.0,0.051832495409478235,0.13056347117416886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060909480788174,0.07153981205343288,0.0873960449675442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579248487323658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469393873554037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059577862154578214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481878970573104,0.0,0.12669593715243127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056213821595772234,0.060093110554320026,0.13069545325561172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049670407968620316,0.14371878619074882,0.0,0.0,0.043595953477960976,0.0,0.0,0.1428819320826745,0.08306643871474698,0.050760388430389776,0.0,0.14606868283845784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444506002728113,0.0,0.06746359898676138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048146077019089566
suicidewatch,dnzprs,2019/02/06,"I'm on edge My husband treats me like shit whenever I try to get close to him. He doesn't want my approach, he wants to approach me himself. I am a person of affection. I can't help it. I told him yesterday that it was either partner therapy or divorce. He doesn't want to divorce, though. I guess he wants to have me around so that he can push me away. I literally have noone left. I am in a foreign country and I once gave up everything for him. Now I feel so lost. I just want to go silently. He may not even be there when I get home. I'm thinking either suicide or suicide hotline or the crisis intervention center. It doesn't even matter whether I am alive or not. I am deeply hurt. It's all I know. ",0.2990222575516661,2.492539824324325,2.4755643879173306,92.82015103338634,86.56756756756756,5.374244833068364,23.570747217806037,6.794906146795322,0.7503532591414941,546,22,121,7,17,184,88,148,0.179,0.7440000000000001,0.077,-0.9216,0,0,0,0,2,2,18.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,1,0,3,0,14,1,1,1,1,26,31,10,2,5,10,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,4,1,24,2,13,25,3,16,0,2,0,0,18,8,1,6,5,80,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546909469676231,0.0,0.0,0.16326137457216994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295451198905427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617206539780562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786265479232802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815739038329178,0.0,0.09875673300304463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142576795148109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647346876158972,0.0,0.17430413248913004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860229426617946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549871014982188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880015566569455,0.0,0.0,0.08489458904355017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896890175475925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850579498768595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172808984390193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837103060571005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801494167361728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871960483637996,0.0,0.0,0.1113439397574303,0.17072682449226856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604339968252482,0.0,0.11797751250046863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124662842326949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,srd7121016,2019/02/06,please someone talk to me im really  not ok right now and if anyone out there can talk to me please talk to me im not ok reallyive been panicking for hours and crying and vomiting from crying and screaming and im just not ok im really not ok i cant figure what to do because i have work later and im not ok to even breathe how can i be around anyone and everything is just hitting me so bad and so hard and im not ok can someone please just talk to me please,-1.1978363384188633,0.8427313592233006,1.7142371705963946,95.87623786407772,94.63106796116509,5.272954230235784,17.065880721220527,6.868970318607317,0.011230790568654392,362,10,86,6,14,126,48,103,0.264,0.6579999999999999,0.079,-0.9622,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,1,0,23,10,13,0,1,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,2,8,6,10,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,53,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819216006023245,0.0,0.0,0.09433499300655328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847979772890374,0.06459779845220645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328042281042586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999161135168111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523822166661433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949275265713959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043582477986726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6867890727414998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652891339246705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357730771316213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904970585386143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957460097233707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34069589259189514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714678917303404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hatingexistence,2019/02/06,"I don't want life anymore I made a terrible mistake and betrayed my wife.  It is the first time I've wronged her and I cannot take it back or make up for it.  We have been together over a decade and she is my best friend.  She no longer wants to be with me.  I have great work opportunities, kids that love me, a family that claims it cares for me, but I no longer seem to have a wife.

​

I don't want to live without her.  I can't undo what I've done and it seems like she'll never get over it.  I'm in my mid 30's... I don't want to start over with someone else.  I'm fairly sure she's already looking to be with other people and I can't stand the idea of her leaving me or being forced to leave her.  I deal with intrusive thoughts and they go rampant when I'm alone... 

​

I know it's selfish and I know it will hurt her and the kids, but I don't care.  I can't see a desirable outcome from my situation and I don't want to force myself to continue any longer.  I was suicidal when I met my wife... I now am positive that I should have just ended my life before we met.  I don't want to feel this way again as I get older... I don't want to regret allowing myself more time again.

​

I plan on purchasing a 380 sometime this week and renting a hotel room so I can end my life.   She says she wants to start over as friends and see where we go from there... but she's not acting like a friend to me anymore.  I'm so miserable and can't get over the mistake I made, especially if the person most important to me in the world can't get over it, either.

​",1.0159720239794474,2.6887896342182924,2.8766086211818447,93.9160148444191,80.38643067846606,6.144105052811876,21.554952897516408,7.1029339738359605,0.3992536111904084,1222,36,289,15,31,408,155,339,0.161,0.7170000000000001,0.122,-0.8499,1,1,0,0,0,2,53.0,3,0,1,5,11,20,0,1,14,0,30,4,0,4,2,57,68,24,1,15,10,3,1,2,3,3,3,1,2,3,16,19,0,0,7,1,2,3,18,8,0,1,8,5,56,12,35,54,4,36,0,3,3,1,30,14,0,6,19,188,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103252558385754,0.08633923314045261,0.0,0.0,0.33908985966343913,0.3802782220621353,0.053205542541313856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518511965578902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016134560541326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665760513811803,0.0,0.08210752763072893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595407680628586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066148840038961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006617206403925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535906227855938,0.0,0.13859394751596033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375723690073828,0.0,0.03956024173246511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655047822417412,0.0,0.0,0.18134292947363295,0.0,0.16350763688885975,0.0,0.0889306210822598,0.0,0.0,0.08625932430234573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375700229954433,0.08832287148225003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599676546526239,0.0,0.0,0.165688665953381,0.0,0.0,0.16578861673729467,0.07644773475782526,0.0,0.0690869113876005,0.0,0.06570147437771044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061420288589891,0.14806421217558854,0.052225473391681466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034312525232419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054241417614873375,0.06831571304119143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062219190229435714,0.0,0.0,0.12469350264532696,0.1424526035741855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794447543635102,0.0,0.0,0.06629207394803639,0.0,0.07738086548914129,0.0,0.11075664074895394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558131356310764,0.0,0.07373980226160469,0.0,0.05882636652578953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211342308969769,0.09124416257544317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691814709109619,0.062102872877774676,0.06275900708784604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542008544218054,0.0,0.05695928739388013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554261035563318,0.3802782220621353,0.0
suicidewatch,TigerLillyMew,2019/02/06,Where to buy secobarbital? preferably not too expensive and delivery to Canada or bought in Canada,6.7087499999999975,10.635022375000002,7.442500000000003,55.95250000000002,75.25,10.7,33.0,10.125756701596842,5.289475,82,4,10,3,2,27,14,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,juliacrimando,2019/02/06,"I don’t know what to do I feel like such a burden. I have the best boyfriend and the best family in the world who would be so much better off w/ out me. I fantasize everyday about just ending my whole existence. I hate my job, i hate myself, i hate my mind. I’m so insecure and i can’t handle it anymore. I have nervous ticks that i can’t stop doing and it feels like i just can’t help myself. Every single time i leave my apartment alone i think about swerving into a pole. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend and family. And i just don’t deserve them.",0.12278215223097533,2.3258197559055134,2.299401574803152,93.65708136482941,87.66141732283464,5.276430446194227,18.70288713910761,6.742157984588678,0.1303904461942258,467,13,103,6,15,157,71,127,0.187,0.649,0.163,-0.3045,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,3,8,11,3,2,6,0,14,0,0,0,0,19,24,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,2,25,5,8,22,5,10,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,6,76,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720311349476608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202101253484159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388425613615649,0.1427805276287221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429878889324358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602013132796698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30438245787642665,0.0,0.16325779162414347,0.2306654830586419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781656201076664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820980391364847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020425227263047,0.14349525646546302,0.0,0.0,0.17744636283600504,0.0,0.0,0.17094161028913052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577428221449485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630083408526751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867694802155285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278236631067725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497103752566195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725353763495052,0.10344420936571214,0.0,0.0,0.09413694045021792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024195287485031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468231748293364,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AirQerre,2019/02/06,"A TRIP TOO SERBIA i just started a small youtube account i'm working on daily lyrics song come join in if ur interseted.

"" Make me feel less lonely in this cruel world By hiting that subscibe button...... ""  ///// [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0z-srW\_x1DhXyFLCf0cRgg?view\_as=subscriber](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0z-srW_x1DhXyFLCf0cRgg?view_as=subscriber) ",21.245769230769234,28.354176589743595,9.391987179487176,45.09259615384616,39.51282051282049,5.951282051282053,27.698717948717945,7.1686216300943375,1.8116102564102563,313,7,27,2,4,70,36,39,0.153,0.794,0.053,-0.633,0,2,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,5,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5476323187437255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321448424672796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243603025248991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499788946130835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628251092869876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no_username2,2019/02/06,"Death was literally a step away but I was such a coward I just spent 3 hours on a building rooftop trying to gather enough courage to finally do it.

If I just moved my body a step forward, all my pain would be gone forever. I wouldn't feel so lonely again. I wouldn't have to be hurt by others again. I wouldn't have to hurt myself again. I wouldn't have to throw up while crying again. I would just go to an eternal sleep without twisting and scratching my body in agony. If I just took the damn step towards the fucking end of it all.

But I couldn't because I was scared. That instinctive fear of death. I think I'm scared of life much more than death, but still I couldn't do it. I asked myself, what's stopping you? It's not like you have any hope or a person to support you or anything. I couldn't find any answer besides my cowardice. I'm so pathetic that I can't even kill myself. Maybe I don't even deserve peace and I have to just trudge through this torture called life until I either have enough courage to kill myself or eventually die alone with regrets.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm already dead and I'm not me. But I have to kill this body as well to die completely.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to live normally again. I fear that I might be already broken beyond repair. I failed everyone. Even my parents hate me and you know what, I think I deserve hate. All I wanted in this world was a basic emotional support to keep me from being crushed and destroyed by loneliness, and all I received was hate and invalidation. And maybe I deserve it.

I can see no hope and at this point I don't even need a hug or something, I need death.",2.1872807017543856,3.971323926900588,3.243719298245616,92.11136842105265,77.27485380116957,5.963508771929827,24.265497076023394,6.742157984588678,0.6728051461988307,1301,44,283,12,30,417,157,342,0.343,0.542,0.114,-0.9987,1,3,1,0,0,4,32.0,0,4,0,1,20,30,10,4,10,0,35,9,4,0,5,62,63,25,10,19,21,1,2,1,0,7,3,0,0,1,16,10,0,2,7,0,1,10,16,20,1,0,8,3,48,10,34,40,9,33,0,5,1,2,10,11,2,10,15,196,64,1,0.08999839840358524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321119864928427,0.1986309411806064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240399418204242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925422792530031,0.0,0.0,0.07406101352563407,0.0,0.08413635361660035,0.0,0.08455645786628069,0.0,0.0,0.054862188331892416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999037958193618,0.0,0.0,0.09189842719423306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436160843497483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885901464711933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680825725654907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123608475077714,0.07971186804568849,0.185984807278504,0.0,0.2377723734018301,0.0,0.0,0.08599732647125907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254643849633847,0.04550589438215768,0.0,0.0,0.09858884636416756,0.08225690568241742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320206910924327,0.0,0.0,0.05114816382666259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665643579927061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787774330571444,0.08863029363071917,0.0,0.19269029376437544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999471167772812,0.2987096803844994,0.0,0.09892153220231506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713706072259365,0.043968671465294734,0.0,0.07947023463745988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083097560664974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547407837723684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956540545910127,0.06615917817507637,0.13346534410138605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881793219662228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576464126030124,0.0,0.09993257083480027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858313008595798,0.0,0.0,0.0850775765445387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802081942990628,0.0,0.07171707139573598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006339417058354,0.0,0.0,0.06928516401500563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187283722077374,0.07524269092691445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425823195823106,0.08482242540808352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533467944192766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999915320969142,0.061103004866008136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308338715653305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091936853796286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867552444607197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786456009141994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goingnowhr9,2019/02/06,"Staying informed destroys my mind and life and has led to suicide attempts but I can't stop I keep binging Twitter searches.  ""Political climate"", ""racism"", ""hopelessness"", ""staying informed mental health"", ""fear and anger and violence"", ""suicidal"", ""suicidal ideation"", ""sadness"".  Been doing this for 4 years and led to 2 suicide attempts last year, but I feel driven to do it almost every day even knowing it will make me sad.  I hate myself if I don't stay informed, even though I've made no attempts to be an activist and intend to stay that way since everything's a trigger and I feel hopeless.  Is life even worth it any more if this won't change?  Therapy and meds and talking to dozens of friends and family terrified about my deteriorating mental state haven't helped.",8.048695652173912,8.517244702898552,7.469384057971016,72.23494565217393,62.11594202898551,9.798550724637682,40.43840579710145,9.516144504307137,4.073040579710145,611,32,99,10,8,191,94,138,0.29100000000000004,0.6559999999999999,0.053,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,3,1,2,0,11,3,0,6,0,30,19,15,4,2,4,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,6,0,1,3,5,8,0,1,3,2,10,1,9,13,1,14,0,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960530612588165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812256042142073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263552738542603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703110820930682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667370690069134,0.0,0.1006362114989936,0.0,0.1073480213088706,0.0,0.11260060223577135,0.1344070261615245,0.12078833836096912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922816703731739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792562372176958,0.0,0.12696274303123645,0.0,0.0,0.08006038963939381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616677720992246,0.0,0.0,0.06564296595565665,0.0973623084937338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873280392881246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302022798775305,0.07972939338638273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267468481098355,0.0,0.24074169673426696,0.0,0.12060377905823215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880481030428116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092430647624749,0.0,0.0998600262039178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226067489650145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600407614136522,0.0,0.0,0.1365939313162583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735252874391053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948086069983864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383526002936862
suicidewatch,Kiroya99,2019/02/06,Mom asks if i want to be taken away maybe it would be for the best. i’m an abusive twat. ,-2.9028571428571435,-1.2680336666666676,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,99.95238095238096,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-2.045552380952381,67,1,19,0,3,23,19,21,0.29600000000000004,0.515,0.189,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.4327753973551463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414703913876451,0.0,0.3431753994655522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833196289397477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669544813933393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277900992373816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544081968566364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25947143833917946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,little_mai,2019/02/06,Failed suicide attempt. It happened tonight. I’ve been feeling suicidal for about a year now but my ex dumping me was all I needed to finally try. He was the only thing that made me feel like living was worth it but now he is gone. I’m disappointed that it failed.,0.9291105121293805,3.4780242830188683,2.502479784366578,90.60660377358492,89.18867924528303,5.292722371967655,24.552560646900268,6.868970318607317,1.09735795148248,209,9,42,3,7,68,41,53,0.29100000000000004,0.606,0.104,-0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,12,2,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,6,2,4,1,3,6,1,6,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,25,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842152533468482,0.20078260294251665,0.0,0.3078771918122311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485321151011669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730712547793406,0.0,0.2481728265940323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659368707835253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839545679643176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375164395127064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6148474744059415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867175285663681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081490699208584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809873701228656
suicidewatch,marxpox,2019/02/06,"Giving my last shot (rant) Lately many things happened and every new day is becomming harder and harder. I cant stand this pain anymore. Im 21 with barely and knowledge or social smartness, i have no frienda, like literally no friends, i have a job i hate and i leech off my parents for place to sleep. I think they are probably gonna get divorce, everytine they are together they just fight and my father probably cheated on her idk, the weirdest thing is that i dont feel anything about that, or about them too, i live with them but dont really talk to, if they died id cry probably but i wont really miss them cos they were never here for me, we grew apart long time ago. Anyway, today i decided to quit my job, later i will tell the boss in 15 days ipl be free, i will pack my bags and leave this home, this crappy village and head off to live on my own, most likely in the cheapest appartment i can find, or probably buy a one way ticket to another country and explore till i run out of money and just die. This seems much better than suicide for me. Also sorry for wasting your time i just needed to vent myself. Have a good one!",2.504695652173911,4.327726817391309,3.927173913043479,87.38945652173916,76.47826086956522,6.686956521739131,23.67391304347826,7.554174236665415,1.0771913043478258,888,28,180,12,20,293,149,230,0.19,0.7240000000000001,0.087,-0.9773,3,0,0,0,2,1,25.0,1,1,8,2,9,12,3,0,6,0,16,3,2,2,1,34,26,17,3,2,9,2,1,2,1,4,1,0,1,0,8,13,0,0,7,1,3,3,7,5,0,2,1,1,35,8,24,20,3,27,0,1,0,0,20,9,0,6,15,119,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783326515885032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826007006119213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572892435681145,0.0,0.0,0.10945393629739146,0.0,0.0,0.09082224612753798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189115565726427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761022240366453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123244515279112,0.14235455628783691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22908605636808255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586974903524559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298855726897937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580463111539208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087300426954604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526890333564248,0.0,0.05766195403227456,0.10587362735839538,0.0,0.09257020475348306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975967534481561,0.0,0.0,0.10896409405317828,0.11326789525594055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070662317721894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192147858462757,0.0,0.2190434921911375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899634481898212,0.12449824727655212,0.1168622141651622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783901844226523,0.0,0.19491132693069046,0.09767090147461124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189433350329958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113209471178356,0.08183537973914633,0.08512146785726979,0.10659267745314592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495744271149343,0.0,0.1174377638762404,0.0,0.12254896486630475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530952816781227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759751223165683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738838447930315,0.0,0.0,0.14140724385137451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047353916142576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044623025056254,0.11250477331690563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354628874726112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072306499180553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870843207781197,0.09646520733457704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466452300743753,0.07071841272932247,0.0,0.0,0.12871121638715485,0.0,0.10461456075415104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876038102999314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hiremeimbroke,2019/02/06,"i can't kill myself really the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my family history my dad tried to kill himself twice one time i found him in the garage with the car running I was in 6th grade. but I think about it all the time I just want the pain to stop and specifically I want to set myself on fire so nobody can ever see my face again. I just keep thinking about how the only solution is to drink a bunch and then set myself on fire i won't but I think about it constantly
to anyone reading this I will never kill myself
I decided a long time ago I will never kill myself
but I do think about it alot",2.123475524475527,3.7224833615384663,3.8144755244755264,88.76416083916084,76.92307692307692,6.881118881118883,20.27972027972028,7.686295010490155,0.5992307692307688,487,11,105,7,11,163,75,130,0.117,0.732,0.151,0.565,0,0,1,0,0,4,2.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,5,0,9,0,9,3,1,1,4,25,19,8,5,2,5,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,3,6,2,0,2,4,6,0,2,2,3,25,0,15,14,3,20,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,12,81,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275302409726963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893954020528387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745544996137826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460525250023115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150575383001078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119910605018207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394656356651868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611819537907796,0.7036266570440625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256589964249644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620530707877454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619240581126522,0.1934790583215231,0.13534724614135324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127232051223449,0.0,0.08148605869186895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136004256885936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634291399412922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450445323213207,0.3260124204847159,0.0,0.0,0.22250988239009367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635884112066572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500489151933033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway76402,2019/02/06,"Fuck this garbage existence My life is fucking garbage all thanks to evil people and stupid people. The two most common types of people from my experience. There’s no point in me continuing this pathetic existence when I just have to live with the consequences of actions I had no part in or control over. 

Nobody cares about anyone. Humans are trash. ",5.052380952380954,7.887354793650798,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,72.49206349206351,8.009523809523811,27.96031746031746,8.841846274778883,2.5485365079365083,284,11,47,6,6,87,51,63,0.257,0.665,0.079,-0.9314,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,4,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,1,7,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,5,2,10,7,3,8,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,2,3,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714400978161374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249983971954032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749975021993732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398394392091352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533419265437064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318247208314227,0.0,0.0,0.21650416665794212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26551308028131304,0.0,0.5099443302582465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178048857012135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257347822803545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951157812395785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fantasticmrleo,2019/02/06,"Someond to say hi? Im so sorry if this isn't the right sub but I'm really lonely , I didn't used to be this way I used to be a strong person but I'm not really anymore 
I haven't had any friends to talk to in around two years? It's been manageable because I have my boyfriend but he has been the only constant since I started spiraling mentally after we met three maybe four years ago? I'm so sorry my sense of time is a little out of whack currently I had a friend I talked to sometimes but I didn't respond to a text and Snapchat she sent me a month ago because I kept getting too nervous to respond to her and now that I am trying to reach out and be better she won't talk to me anymore.
I'm really lonely I would really like to just have someone to say hi to once in a while and that will say hi to me too, I can't die and leave my boyfriend he's alone too and his mother who was like a mother to me as well died and i can't leave him too it would be too much for him , it's already so much I don't know what to do",0.07749011857707444,1.6929411521739155,2.44205533596838,96.17494071146244,83.13043478260869,5.5731225296442695,20.019762845849804,6.574015621080383,4.3478260869811436e-05,795,22,196,8,22,272,114,230,0.105,0.76,0.135,0.7743,1,5,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,2,12,10,0,1,9,0,26,0,0,2,0,24,38,17,2,3,7,2,0,2,2,4,0,3,0,1,9,11,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,3,1,3,10,3,28,7,27,20,2,21,0,2,0,0,28,7,0,1,14,129,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779964718997296,0.0,0.0,0.12139448079068015,0.1293444367361378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970699623949408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248216554177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434198158628556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290057340962498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366295014626413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266626515563455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432914899249041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811127125385481,0.0,0.061237523273581285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660719438557572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644156936866662,0.0,0.0,0.24821748342887598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145260252186754,0.11747547294941298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775346048942775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812037412293758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355611143162,0.0,0.1723260552483661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482510177204152,0.0,0.08914368457021785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234347818640133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003515760688468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009692177528584,0.0,0.2796309101325932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695753844561443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931187309633097,0.0,0.11592394438535265,0.2624145802721267,0.08296202543955741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826275018821261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834624529605485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957807278467409,0.0,0.11449739288757267,0.0,0.0,0.2024640635112986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930360488493635,0.0,0.0,0.1053861002961271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665256118229935,0.0,0.0,0.15095912934455902
suicidewatch,Scrap_Brain_Zone,2019/02/06,"Let it end Let it all end.

Let the trail of regret that follows me end.  The ones wherein I know I'm being cruel to myself, but wherein I also know that this cruelty is all I deserve.

Let the disgust end.

Let the toxic grip of this poisoned mind end.

Let the shame end.

Let the constant and unerring sense that I'm an intruder on everything end.

The constant unerring sense that they see something other.  Something that isn't part of their collective.  The thing that keeps me inaccessible and unlovable.  Let that end as well.

Let the horror end.

Let the screaming memories end.

Let the exhaustion that comes just from trying to walk the way I think I'm supposed to look whilst walking end.

Let the total, grey and uninspiring low-grade hum of creeping terror end.  The one that keeps me sick and disgusting even on the days when I can otherwise stand up without the blood and thunder rushing to my head.

Let my parents die so I can finally do it without having to picture their despair.

Let it all end.  Shut it down, wrap it up, turn out the lights, lock the door and never look back inside.  It was all a mistake and I only landed on this planet through some administrative celestial error.

Let everything I learned or knew end.  Let all my dreadful yesterdays disappear with me.

Let the lonely silence end, and let the noise end.

If you knew the monster I must surely truly be, you'd let it end too.

I don't want to be here anymore.  Nothing can help me and no love is enough.

Just let it end.",2.751663074712642,5.208896711805559,3.565742337164753,87.18625,78.4097222222222,6.194636015325671,26.597701149425287,7.372421405659032,1.4901564655172417,1175,48,223,16,29,373,150,288,0.247,0.703,0.051,-0.9969,1,2,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,3,0,10,17,4,3,23,0,35,6,2,0,9,41,53,16,1,5,7,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,23,12,0,2,6,0,0,6,6,14,1,2,3,8,24,3,23,25,9,44,0,3,4,1,8,9,0,3,27,162,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029881237867354245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03705661125980322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02873182173537481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032187135408273435,0.0,0.08075782723240492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024097705536542998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877956893577577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957065784022203,0.03860862876611877,0.0,0.0246796107430525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716354126446715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093216242178512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038347861252894286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025045358161391702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642448212005278,0.0,0.0,0.04107028708055413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7641766672413745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275534666238639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372389146031137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037728580334619115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028818635957324236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035853278215081795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506397630592842,0.028418204533556514,0.0,0.0,0.041490050563400035,0.04046327788414576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029775526573683025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753169230536776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03521661345938343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024824028572191417,0.02394235253724061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025368773566901138,0.04064301721913476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02203918501048036,0.029659055242579432,0.0,0.0,0.03359614051907617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203816431913344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SspicyRamen,2019/02/06,"Im going to tell my mom wowie im just gonna tell her, and hope i get put on suicide watch because ngl these past few days have gotten me real close.",0.3060784313725513,1.6492217647058816,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,81.35294117647058,4.533333333333334,17.215686274509807,3.1291,-1.0062431372549017,116,2,29,0,3,39,30,34,0.127,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529799378200122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184531885392894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111371464955973,0.0,0.1426236021515392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492551010474791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5421492793916818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939156533458355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956509883994945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522792526621159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856419160797544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27450421617859744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386917467624166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El_Floydo91,2019/02/06,"Confessions of an absolute fuckhead/I deserve death Four months ago, I violated the sanctity of the best relationship I ever had, with my best mates’ woman of all people. Twice, in the space of a few days. I knew it was wrong (although this did not cross my mind during the act, all my mind told me was “ohh, a consenting adult!) ever since I have quaked with guilt every time I looked into their eyes because I knew I fucked up. But I hid it. For months. Because they were the best people in my life. My most fierce bro and the best love that I have ever had, and most likely will ever have. I selfishly did this because I knew that when they found out, it would all be over. I would never feel their love again And it is over now. she told my best friend (albeit somewhat twisted, i guess feeling violated is preferable to feeling guilt for her) and he told me that he knew. I then told her. She assaulted me and threw me out of the house, then in her anger, put a status up on facebook detailing what I did. And she also mentioned my sexual preferences that i’m still struggling to get my head around, and that I’ve been having bowel problems. Many people know me now as this, and only this. She told me I’m the most evil person that she’s ever been with, and that what i’ve done is rape, in her eyes. I deserve death. My home is destroyed. There is a building in my town with a drop that exceeds 30 metres. That is unsurvivable. This is now who I am, i cannot change. I am not a real person, but a vector of misery and heartbreak. Killing myself will be the one good thing I can do for everybody I would otherwise encounter, to stop them stepping in the shit that is my life, so to speak. I’m not looking for disingenuous sympathy. Just honesty as to what I should do.",3.4466572504708064,4.814162855932207,4.323333333333334,87.41874764595106,72.98305084745763,7.165348399246705,24.693032015065913,7.662118739084242,1.1067258003766471,1377,41,286,17,27,444,171,354,0.14800000000000002,0.747,0.105,-0.9072,1,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,5,5,16,27,10,3,18,0,37,11,5,0,9,59,62,20,3,7,6,1,3,1,2,6,2,1,1,4,24,18,0,1,12,0,0,5,5,17,0,3,22,8,54,10,36,32,13,43,1,1,4,4,35,17,2,5,21,219,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722286321445504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696664402089322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755149424480566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931487251646034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571130670973782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215692084045332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618245701153318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891496663924442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940059529701032,0.07339878339777878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214503436106165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551793215584843,0.06730541854085541,0.08053711451838705,0.045514387991472616,0.0,0.0,0.07306856464215268,0.0,0.0,0.09596782896871096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894059006181237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738420827177328,0.0,0.0,0.10051988836142817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638067896801304,0.0,0.04787654233004579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230648724072312,0.042560358978240634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631059213321193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725074566600108,0.0,0.0,0.0883217052662812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592416336414402,0.0,0.1390699338263154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718904309574637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903189220314059,0.06625545955528102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811852931279724,0.15213223937102802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335801517832528,0.0,0.08757539833687297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915680468538424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352972194363443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942307371325367,0.07206305525774961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957075688118658,0.07283267448428514,0.0,0.09107230513411248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057875838676643275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079789906374308,0.0,0.0,0.4162142002260299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565360505767475,0.095247405726403,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stevamped,2019/02/06,"I'm lost in the darkness I don't know if anyone out there would sit and listens to me. I've been thinking of taking my own life a lot lately. I'm in absolute depth of depression which every move I make is an effort. I feel lonely in this world even with all the unconditional love from the family still feel so distant from them.  

I'm from Cambodian. I'm 21years old. I grew up in a poor family where every a dollar count. I have three siblings 2 girls 1 boy I'm in the middle.  The thing that got me the most when my dad married my mum he didn't have any things with him even money or job back in the day to support her but eventually he tried to open up a business and run it but not so much successful, when the kids came into their life my mum forced to find a way to feed the family. she able to start her own business till now. long story short my mum has a business that earns 50$ per day profits sometimes less than 50$. My parents work 10+ hours every day. The problem about my dad is after work he comes home resting and he went out drinking and hanging out with his friends till midnight then come home and sleep and repeat till now. He barely dinner with us sometimes and the worse thing is my mum has to pay him to work and help her plus my mum couldn't trust anyone besides her husband, even that he sometimes steal the products from my mum business to share & drink with his friends, sometimes stealing money from my mum, cut corner without my mum knowing. And my mum hates him ever since because he never tries to support the family nothing but a stupid, selfish, weak and useless. Despite that, he works just as hard as her.

My dad pretty much traumatized my family with bad images. When I was young my parent really busy working they don't have enough time to look after me, guild me, and I ended up getting bullied at school to the point like I just cry every time before I hop on the school bus.  I'm scared to even go to the school so I skipped most of the time and I forced to explore, seek approval from my friends and I valued my friend's opinion over them.  I was a kid and I did what most kids do play video games,  go out with friends. so I turned into video games with friends just to avoid them, and I let it took over me and became my scapegoat. of cause they didn't like me spending time on video games either, they think playing video game is like gambling nothing but draining your money, time and energy, basically no future plus they working so hard to effort me to go to good school but I spend more time playing game than studying. 

My dad beat me very often over a video game, it was not just a light slap, my head was bleeding, bruises everywhere forced to go to school. My dad used tied my hands behind my back and used metal clothes hangers to whipped me, sometimes with a chain dog leash. alright, you get the picture. I tried to studying really hard and got an A's a couple of my classes a few times just to make them happy to proved that I did listen to them but they didn't even care, I guess I didn't feel like they actually notice me or proud of me you know what I mean. Eventually, I just lost all my motivation.   

At the age of 6, they sent me to live with  **Kinship care** because they couldn't understand me, they pretty much thought that they couldn't do anything with me. They thought I'm just like my dad useless even my two sisters looked at me the same way. They sent me money, visited me once every month not so bad at first. I was okay until my aunt started to treat me like a maid. I live with them till the age of 14 then I moved back with my parents for a year.  

At 15 (2013) they sent me to Australia hoping their children gonna have a better future not like them, the same as my older sister. My older sister helped the family a lot when she stepped her foot in Australia. Without my older sister help, I don't think they can be afforded me staying in Australia for 6 years.  

I tried to do the same as my sister, even helping my self so they wouldn't have to worry about me anymore but nothing seems to get better I've been studying and working to pay off my living expenses, not so much school fee. The international student fee is like 10times compare to the local. To be honest with you guys I don't feel any strong connection with them at all. I don't have that motivation like ok family in need of help I should work even harder I just don't feel that man. But I do want to help them the end of the day they are my family despite all the thing they've done to me. They tend to get very upset at me for not calling them or face time when I'm free. They once asked me like do I miss them at all I said no but I feel like I keep putting them in a heavy debts left and right. How can they do it all they can earn is about $30-50 a day that is 10+ hours of working right there and to pay almost $9000 monthly that's not included the family expenses back home. I feel like I keep drowning the family with expenses It has been really hard for me to help or make a move when the whole family looking down at me. I even tried to reach out to them and talk about it so many times for the past years that like can you please help get through this, I don't feel the love from you guys, I couldn't help you guys because I've been very depressed and family responses were like I wasn't try hard to work enough, how come you don't feel love, you shouldn't be upset at mum and dad they gave you money, visited you and it was my fault that they sent me to **Kinship care.** It would be great if you move your life a little faster, get your shit together and help like my sister, you are a guy you suppose to be strong and taking care of the family.   

It has been really hard for me not to think like If I'm gone they wouldn't have to deal with all the stresses I've been causing and they wouldn't be in bad situations now 

​

I really need your help. I don't know what to do anymore.",3.025695273220716,4.333931233851189,3.83132800403612,90.76722338685828,73.94685200327065,6.6760459978079725,23.803769941371932,7.081740041525707,0.6956935230771908,4661,132,1016,45,94,1487,411,1223,0.121,0.7120000000000001,0.168,0.9971,6,3,2,0,0,0,107.0,1,17,39,27,51,79,4,5,61,3,79,18,6,11,10,171,173,75,1,19,35,28,16,16,6,8,5,3,4,12,31,60,4,3,27,16,21,27,35,26,0,3,37,23,182,54,151,117,29,147,0,8,3,3,159,51,1,18,81,641,213,28,0.03309169730902125,0.0,0.032292723038879624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313655476921214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170968041751885,0.04021003429722765,0.04500697786557484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563614345245436,0.04627696835750823,0.0,0.02723164728998088,0.0,0.03093626993315917,0.0,0.0,0.1017818904082608,0.0828905550357382,0.060517174600648635,0.0,0.028158597091303736,0.0,0.0,0.05853383420314311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03379032282607311,0.03784808599276852,0.13495676341024626,0.06798857732782694,0.0,0.08551670127778276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03661533365828985,0.036349675627563714,0.10670703578252252,0.03411608687404815,0.05700366080504188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03386429553903516,0.0,0.06483453044419879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058618843359316615,0.06838513857699638,0.0,0.19671078579640427,0.02993333475143461,0.13940591108026132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055467927849616,0.0,0.15058940808324403,0.07092214550879565,0.0,0.0,0.03024521183380116,0.028147780826152068,0.0,0.0,0.15339937952067265,0.0,0.10373427620715182,0.0,0.07522709671672209,0.027755745677862344,0.05293290664420818,0.036483713107149984,0.03645423537682972,0.1310639320206825,0.0,0.03522672712306424,0.17786196550271618,0.03267120009740384,0.033961628393960594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24398733879514575,0.0,0.09958101159907656,0.032867522119011165,0.06517731206915778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03283840344654354,0.0588268420798109,0.0,0.0,0.07274532567355563,0.0,0.037328875937455236,0.0,0.03595422595125115,0.03383850252956164,0.07012093334135028,0.25867090846387697,0.03316657420445107,0.08766172497559542,0.029285110783498162,0.08336607414792728,0.0,0.07224699337063327,0.05626675536367117,0.08959964642254305,0.0,0.06626689474503755,0.033549787124076115,0.0,0.03604655953301339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282695415770571,0.14068494893483746,0.0973048204064937,0.049074148502530335,0.02552235700314596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525712816805318,0.03767511671661368,0.03472416970316477,0.07048315527588195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023324116996057,0.0,0.031589769485059725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036324746395107334,0.0312823501388532,0.0,0.0,0.0673323056864088,0.0,0.03166428519339288,0.0,0.03326629578369289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599694328748197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652025738388384,0.0314777820633132,0.0,0.033130561899601056,0.20094338614879112,0.0,0.030125438392900893,0.034521857324324765,0.0,0.033968151747242034,0.02737379397418682,0.03719645426310598,0.03311559573706027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364267395565613,0.0,0.046844947354713125,0.035271346340987456,0.026427072217272404,0.0,0.037906427462309385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510413190384471,0.0,0.0,0.049761676127680766,0.026597852805775854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793861311326144,0.08481529380578899,0.0,0.05254222256980815,0.17366431335543653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036766093311773336,0.13480254166058875,0.03599426415212188,0.032325779859231824,0.03444962394007755,0.0398052373895294,0.0571612032502631,0.0,0.08191234776853286,0.01951834044917404,0.05253329806435597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03067633493699125,0.0,0.03694569827288167,0.0,0.06379843065184841,0.0,0.24091149761180256,0.033606224926523987,0.03372326666068573,0.04701478464229947,0.0,0.04021003429722765,0.06392990433928697
suicidewatch,Spartan9567,2019/02/06,"I just want to end my miserable life 4 years ago the love of my life left me saying she didn't love me anymore. I lost her as a friend trying to get her back, and have been regretting my actions ever since.

I recently told my girlfriend that I love her, and she replied that she didn't feel the same way and didn't think she would ever love me as more than a friend. 

I spent the last 4 years crying over my ex, and now my girlfriend says she won't love me. I just want to end it. ",5.8173076923076925,3.8085053461538463,6.023923076923079,88.92107692307694,67.65384615384616,9.473846153846154,28.49230769230769,7.554174236665415,1.2659330769230768,372,8,92,3,5,119,57,104,0.096,0.6509999999999999,0.254,0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,5,0,7,7,0,0,2,15,20,6,0,4,2,1,1,0,4,2,2,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,7,3,24,7,8,11,2,15,0,3,0,5,21,2,0,0,11,59,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735200482879694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247892269815804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047094887632916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781130186585046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544923943527398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599098035817497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264228214950606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199332244947784,0.0,0.07506000578057773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710766751659313,0.0,0.0,0.1560944659611583,0.0,0.2029523067739258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682935105846596,0.0,0.6483247605626163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185369415706342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284993101066585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188427128851254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205592417636699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727984337953766,0.0,0.09754036877911693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694768750128454,0.11403606793888778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020568167837754,0.0,0.0,0.18503349769081745
suicidewatch,radblush,2019/02/06,"Bada boom bada bing I'm ready to end everything, I've been avoiding it forever but yea man. I have a bad feeling about the next couple of days cause I'm getting more aggressive about self harm and self sabatoge. Any advice mi amigos? ",2.317173913043476,4.88605984782609,3.3893043478260867,87.1491739130435,80.95652173913044,6.288695652173913,24.417391304347824,7.554174236665415,1.4108486956521746,187,7,35,3,5,60,39,46,0.26,0.6729999999999999,0.067,-0.9009,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773339972229177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299924476964395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696791444526305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915491041505758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31402827197796385,0.0,0.183032749980634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513697438519108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550684262746775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350190624109696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827802201770313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018331412378988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5921475031307333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Turtleshell191901,2019/02/06,"My long distance boyfriend is really struggling with depression It's making my depression go through the roof. We have been together for around 7 months but have seen each other twice,i have always known about his struggle, attempts etc. Everytime i tell him to try to get help, he just declines it and pushes me away. Someone just please help me before it's too late, i dont wanna lose him. ",5.955675675675678,7.149693486486488,5.49010810810811,82.06164864864867,66.83783783783784,8.622702702702702,31.016216216216225,8.841846274778883,2.491451891891892,314,12,57,5,5,96,60,74,0.122,0.72,0.158,0.6094,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,2,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,10,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,1,10,0,9,8,2,7,0,3,1,0,8,2,0,0,3,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720515830900503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407168308764635,0.0,0.0,0.19426990777289546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594847364592686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35618632129846955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423362510287245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306063959546009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803028470151843,0.0,0.11751378097072784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771909778855968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23324879157924416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829874736373028,0.0,0.23132593900554235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802248913938836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650441234922567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697450668692395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246398833076828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519797260426118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323277752918503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180728592831114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038519847577333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Romero1993,2019/02/06,"I could.. I could so easily kill myself right.. I've been drinking all day, I could just take one sleeping pill and end it all. I know I can.. but I won't. not yet, but I'm taking pride at the fact that i can but choose not to. maybe i'm sadistic.. i think i need to suffer a bit more",-1.828125,-0.02220756249999667,0.8049999999999997,103.54,93.375,3.825,12.6875,5.148860815047168,-1.5394312499999998,212,3,57,1,8,72,44,64,0.131,0.7809999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.5546,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,3,17,14,5,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,10,1,3,9,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264505394526358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5803190521109197,0.0,0.0,0.15624960235932758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23734071344897734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145868568667781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26804528610741657,0.0,0.13314993859868976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434013380375349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964645286536168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417419553875967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690453250612093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245349089977286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643265905881938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524229299829667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tippuu,2019/02/06,"I was just molested I was just molested by someone. I said stop and no around 10 times and I even tried to move his hand off of me. I asked to go home and he kept trying to tell me to stay I had to threaten to walk home until he would drive me home. While he drove me home I recorded our conversation of him admitting to doing it. I have the recording on my phone. I think my boyfriend will be disappointed in me... I don’t know why I keep getting into these situations. I thought I could trust someone as a friend helping me vent about issues with my boyfriend. He helped me relax but then hours later he started doing this. I already told my boyfriend this happened and I sent him the recording and my location, but he’s obviously asleep since it’s 4 am. My bf and i were fighting all night so I didn’t get to finish my hw ",1.1902222222222214,3.409858976470592,2.7392156862745094,92.2453594771242,82.76470588235293,5.660130718954249,23.562091503267972,6.937597516519254,0.7335816993464053,646,24,141,8,18,211,106,170,0.08900000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.062,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,3,0,14,2,2,0,2,24,30,13,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,5,9,0,3,4,1,0,6,3,4,0,0,11,2,35,3,20,15,1,22,0,1,0,0,23,5,0,0,10,93,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619294407142898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406762244785994,0.14079244882864067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202433643474664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947113606678988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163546560836896,0.0,0.15736655610848835,0.0,0.08559053166315837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331767647772491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201890561034444,0.0,0.6042639490867037,0.0,0.1483125372598556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718925833224268,0.0,0.13386189044715446,0.0,0.0,0.08276686688913777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006598821273382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132968319623745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325689651543436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457944980708545,0.16928284808608884,0.0,0.0,0.255209006086553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659680154667726,0.16052158956332274,0.0,0.12590993377643453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316327006021761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649961791481428,0.0,0.11956108797999708,0.08781718030247443,0.0,0.0,0.14390657148963665,0.0,0.20449761170006933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358947921409551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698327036908796,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fifluffi,2019/02/06,"Rapidly running put of energy Hi. My name is, or at least I want it to be, Fiona. 
On my 16th birthday, I had a sleepover with my friends. I had always felt out of place, yadda yadda, and that night it clicked, I was trans. 
It took 6 months before I came out to my mom. And then everything went to hell.
My mom is supportive in the sense she just doesn't say anything. 
My father, is a really angry and scary man. He didn't take kindly to that idea. 
After a month, I was moved schools, to a hardcore Lutheran school. I've never felt more out of place. I've lost all my friends, and all my motivation. I'm bullied for standing out so I try and lay low, and do poorly in school as a result. 
Seeing my therapist hasn't made much better for me either. I used to have a therapist that was nice and cpuld compare my problems to video games or other things I simply understood. Now I have a therapist who is kinda scary and pries into my brain and makes reveal a lot. Maybe that's good though, I dunno. 
My current therapist doesn't approve of me having online friends instead of real ones though, and pins it on me not trying. It's just, hard to trust people who openly bully and berade you for being a bit different at answering things.
My only source of validation throughout all this is my online boyfriend, who I adore, but Timezones leave us apart so much and I feel so lonely. 
And I can't tell if he really does love me. 
It's so hard to understand people for me, due to my autistic traits. I can't talk and I have to chew on a rubber thing every half hour or I have a meltdown. I usually have a meltdown everyday regardless. 
And I don't know what I'm meant to do. Im 17 now, I'm no closer to beimg the woman I wanna be, I have no clue what to do with myself and I don't deserve people. Thus, I've been considering suicide quite a bit. It seems like a way to just, stop it all. To rest through all this madness. I wimped out when I first atgempted it, and instead just making everyone who loves me angry. Maybe I could actually do it this time, I don't know. Bleh. ",1.8309492635024545,3.7396626241134783,3.5922458628841625,88.62615384615385,78.78723404255321,6.418839789052553,22.43007819603564,7.419758726546812,0.8498480814693585,1602,49,336,22,39,536,216,423,0.132,0.784,0.084,-0.9594,2,2,0,0,0,1,55.0,1,1,0,6,15,20,2,0,16,0,35,4,1,7,6,74,61,31,1,6,11,3,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,27,27,1,1,13,2,1,6,13,7,0,3,16,8,51,13,45,41,14,44,2,3,2,2,25,19,1,8,18,231,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.08457739894635788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211636699645528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132200942107747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374977009816068,0.0,0.0,0.0766525548387288,0.18924234336732948,0.0,0.0,0.09675236203418792,0.0,0.09912736886611907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919892725239812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055168315013844,0.0,0.0,0.07584548423937064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302319685286486,0.08281688079582764,0.07789339021254373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382294642397037,0.0,0.16643354643375569,0.0,0.0,0.07372144137618389,0.0,0.0,0.20088303646959685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269466784897237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527855811968386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535247273027237,0.0,0.0,0.09783985879442901,0.0936184518858948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025344784651286,0.09526310964187593,0.0,0.0,0.09177099548882976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04234257473933433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946105222161984,0.07368371831140948,0.15644608295204634,0.08200923140660844,0.11570577034831145,0.0,0.17414328986162342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301366798563425,0.1383583035576751,0.092116473403961,0.12742481649836815,0.0,0.06684523221245635,0.0,0.0,0.08133390577662238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058729822013337166,0.06591642588218605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025815571390447,0.0,0.18110336630027687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293146656999159,0.0,0.08712726909333293,0.0,0.0921841929784575,0.0,0.09864941260131307,0.11104601799886944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689234473946547,0.0,0.2631439429167444,0.06906475348151099,0.07890109540538469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245998475701618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480289186633784,0.09835206710353256,0.0,0.0,0.065165039334452,0.0696620475505325,0.07575338333585653,0.0,0.0,0.4025221110955847,0.1727390522730545,0.0,0.17030563213786631,0.0,0.05053796277440652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962935376488696,0.11768645556548275,0.0,0.0,0.09022650657313623,0.10425331548520636,0.07485503600502626,0.0954547391866396,0.0,0.051120200205882066,0.06879459658771342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034394049254574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmaanKhader844,2019/02/06,"Just a question I just wanna ask you guys, why, like why can't i kukl my self. I hate my self so much. I am like just a bad person. I don't even deserve my parents. Always keep fighting with them. But i like i can't. What should i do. I can't live. I am afraid to die. People around me, my friends and family would be really sad. But i just hate them. But i can't. I don't know what i am supposed to do. And i am not even that grown up, just a 17 year old kid. Why am i like this. What should i dooo. Please help me.",-2.63195413758724,-0.92894786440678,0.2170588235294133,105.86936689930212,99.67796610169492,3.454436689930209,12.025922233300099,5.0885558068054335,-1.6921471585244272,384,6,107,2,17,131,61,118,0.17600000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.154,-0.6801,1,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,1,2,0,9,11,3,1,3,0,17,0,0,0,0,20,22,6,1,4,9,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,26,5,6,18,1,5,0,1,0,0,14,2,0,1,6,72,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350321322085435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446592934591587,0.15171233436937515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549920130228632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684237286834002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214372267555823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298560249171728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537914239056425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068529853023808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32044096099079583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877461311493132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424424073732078,0.0,0.0,0.08918627872914787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171323453125676,0.0,0.14329851831553833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929639126789893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028830095184944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019563421975035,0.0,0.0,0.1125063289041565,0.14169891604430918,0.0,0.17813757388606127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817936639927944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039623958344482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385923107572901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393044438648473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528091045506852,0.0,0.0,0.10450468058236724
suicidewatch,jazzyjosslyn,2019/02/06,"I'm transgender (mtf) and will probably never pass because of my height. Also I have social anxiety. I don't want to go on living anymore, I've never felt so close to suicide.  I haven't come out to my family because they're transphobic, and I haven't come out to my colleagues because I have servere social anxiety (also why I have no friends). I present female, so some people know, but still I feel like I'm living in the dark.  But I don't pass anyway because I'm so tall (plus other reasons).  Which makes me wonder if there's even any point in trying anymore.  

Plus my social anxiety is making me miss out on jobs in addition to friends so basically my life is in shambles.  I'm too poor to transition properly.  I can barely afford makeup, let alone transitioning.  

Why am I like this?? Why was I even born?",2.596145833333331,4.761047156250001,4.500000000000004,81.79833333333336,77.4375,7.2666666666666675,26.291666666666664,8.238735603445708,1.9746541666666664,635,25,118,12,15,216,92,160,0.122,0.809,0.069,-0.491,2,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,3,2,25,29,13,1,2,3,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,5,0,1,5,7,1,0,0,2,2,19,4,18,25,1,23,0,1,0,0,5,13,0,3,7,76,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290596346824361,0.0,0.1993030821620122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084739897146075,0.0,0.2859817079260559,0.0,0.24716167621111465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038473525325666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468305032447885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460906035699607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747236040106185,0.0,0.06300717285008207,0.08902227463105179,0.11964630500595315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254862629936476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081942335044904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365739991753046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684830631579677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742340676580008,0.08801658410806533,0.12175748749104973,0.0,0.2200679660612176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635790303913248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221569720425602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638972426928225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177978730840993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435196239415312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812107973099354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810763134073861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951467473564646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136304440525768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460283313894147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349892130349812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373267099318929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513554367304692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway9874123698,2019/02/06,"How to get over thoughts of suicide due to low self-esteem I'm 21M and for as long as I can remember, I've never really fond of myself. I grew up mostly without a father. I had a stepdad that came into my life in elementary, but didn't stay long. My mother did her best to make things work.

​

I've never liked the way I looked. I've always found any girl I'm attracted to to be leagues above me. Any girl I ""dated"" in junior high or high school got bored of me and went after one of my more attractive best friends. These relationships lasted weeks at most and each one felt like I got crushed more than the last. I briefly dated a co-worker for about a month when I was 19, but she basically did the same thing, just with another co-worker. She lied to me initially about why the break up was happening, but later admitted that she got bored.

​

Back-tracking a little bit, I've never really felt like I've had a father figure to look up to or bond with, and for some reason I feel that's a hole I can never fill. My step-dad and I always but heads, and in 10th grade, him and my mom dropped me off at a residential treatment center for kids with depression. During the 3 months I was there, I only ever heard from or saw my mom. There were no phone calls from him, no visits, not even after I got out. When I was in 6th grade, his son had killed himself, and here we were, 4 years later, and he doesn't give a shit if he lost a step-son to the same fate.

​

Fast-forwarding to now, I feel pretty boring and uninteresting. I'm an assistant manager at a restaurant. Most people at work like me, or ""tolerate"" me as I see it. They usually joke around with me, but I don't feel like anyone really cares about me. I feel like everyone else at work gets along so well and find each other fascinating like they could get along so well, but with me, they could make conversation, but being friends or actually doing anything is out of the question. I feel so unattractive and lame. I even took up drumming to try and make myself more interesting. No matter what I do, the words of one particular co-worker stick out in my head. ""You have no personality"". Which is exactly my biggest fear. Am I simply uninteresting and unattractive?

​

I will admit I'm pretty awkward and nervous when meeting people for the first time. I don't always know what to say, and sometimes I sound like I'm just babbling. Especially when talking to girls, my heart rate spikes, I get nervous and anxious, and I'm afraid I'm going to look like a moron.

​

Lately, I feel like I've been getting worse. I can't sleep, I rarely eat, I don't care if I'm late to work and my performance is suffering. A couple weeks ago I got really drunk and sent out a goodbye to some of the people I cared about the most, thinking I was going to kill myself, but I passed out from being wasted before I got the chance to do anything. Suicide has been very prevalent in my thoughts lately. I've thought about who would care, how the world would keep turning if I dropped off the planet. I'm regularly emotional and give myself massive headaches. Thing is, I'm too scared of either failing suicide and being left with some permanent disability, or I'm scared of what happens when I die. I can never seem to go through with it. I've overdosed several times which only leave me puking for a couple days to a week. I've tried numerous things but only make it about halfway, sometimes the pain inflicted grants me enough relief to cry it out and fall asleep. I've written dozens of suicide notes and planned goodbyes. The thing is, I feel trapped in a perpetual hell. I want to die, but I can't, so I'm just suffering. Usually I just end up getting shit-faced drunk so I don't have to deal with my insecurities and sadness, but I don't end up killing myself...

​

​

Where do I go from here?",5.299140759930914,5.688566690414508,5.9369041450777225,81.14409542314338,67.97668393782384,8.764939550949912,29.425302245250432,8.660442795831766,2.080221416234888,3063,103,612,45,48,998,337,772,0.21,0.65,0.14,-0.997,0,1,0,0,0,7,129.0,1,1,3,11,35,52,6,8,34,0,48,11,6,7,7,127,121,60,9,8,27,6,9,10,2,3,2,3,0,5,20,47,3,1,23,4,0,13,20,26,2,5,35,17,87,26,96,77,19,97,1,8,5,0,45,38,2,18,51,391,107,10,0.0,0.0,0.04025074678749302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656263592178398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296146476611076,0.3128348342838321,0.35083406710727183,0.0560982258311409,0.04325067266238524,0.0,0.046596935080932655,0.0,0.028840592557157037,0.0,0.06788490015881728,0.03671823254453471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03171610128265453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03509783179475183,0.0,0.08657155641047487,0.0,0.04503062129624762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211740602681308,0.04717513985587512,0.16821469359351646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586413234507182,0.09127719095382474,0.045307470284591235,0.026600654720601632,0.04252344940047734,0.03552564945144813,0.0,0.08561494968141482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042205584838487284,0.03445625456189253,0.04639689074331523,0.07306451729669403,0.04261877967950082,0.0,0.054486001002813256,0.037309925091627116,0.0,0.03941290865136493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046413909627664125,0.14598869667040568,0.08839977096584017,0.07920643833819438,0.0,0.03769865927969928,0.03508435003450257,0.0,0.04522478488938264,0.0637340655665289,0.0,0.12929792510129526,0.07913502395199272,0.0937656083650009,0.0,0.1979321179725403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729484916542262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466185420971968,0.0,0.0,0.04887743790794208,0.0,0.08715862764739493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03666188698319908,0.13689980641674154,0.0,0.02266806116144727,0.06724299341521359,0.13958393642536074,0.04367421022488322,0.04481456837696055,0.0,0.029133704302640614,0.2015101286390218,0.04133994455979065,0.0,0.07300391344335276,0.10391030626793518,0.0,0.045025553169020384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012974440359648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966150750234419,0.06584530987976063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905966305733826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384932230770016,0.09410972908979512,0.043889306945889835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578562916817269,0.036014953658487184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392527268569869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046205649040108016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105694552159655,0.04240839030102477,0.0,0.04428342888289432,0.04672437476246743,0.0,0.0,0.0328009641271051,0.08259011519980335,0.0417437768913579,0.032868212299695415,0.037549369594969406,0.04302921547131214,0.046596935080932655,0.08467811606789873,0.0,0.0,0.04127640326659927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815879147148678,0.0,0.0,0.04396340403736699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046841084125667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033152467108064534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370120926703679,0.026429165717717685,0.0,0.09823561613694856,0.04810246633568251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458265074294234,0.05600748878891576,0.0448644733503855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085463928973354,0.03403277744473825,0.02432832245784634,0.03273964347562885,0.09925664087961444,0.0,0.07417132162541681,0.03823602575820435,0.03721865494678537,0.0,0.0,0.039760265408947636,0.0,0.21019619106835702,0.0,0.042033824944774936,0.05860082439091102,0.0,0.35083406710727183,0.026561468029099426
suicidewatch,dusanknd,2019/02/06,"What u think when u see/hear someone commited suicide When i hear/see it on internet, i think what a relief for them. It is hard to do that but a result that gives u is worth. They are so strong in that moment that i respect them. ",1.8047959183673468,3.1433665714285723,3.3956632653061227,92.53594387755103,77.16326530612245,6.53265306122449,22.45408163265306,7.1686216300943375,0.5503428571428568,178,5,41,2,4,59,33,49,0.077,0.642,0.281,0.9093,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,7,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,4,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,28,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892955244184737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27014944762572785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6797875519630006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031399092534603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25552113813795113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298710289578122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864705650882589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,breeeeweeeeweeeee,2019/02/06,"My long distance girlfriend is SUICIDAL, please help?? My beautiful girlfriend of 11 months is having suicidal thoughts. We live very far, across the state (about 4 hours) and we met online. We didn't meet in person until 3 months in and we've only seen each other in three separate occasions (about 8 days). From the beginning I knew she'd attempted suicide before, later on I learned how many times... It's devastating to know how much pain she has been in. Tonight she was talking about terrible things..and how she doesn't want to live since life is just time you're wasting that nothing really happens it all ends anyway... I cried over text and she wouldn't let me call her. I don't know how to help her. I want her to see a therapist but she won't. But I'm so desperate. I know she is worth so much, but I don't know and can't find the correct words to help her see that too. Any advice or anything that I can say to her? To help her see that she's amazing and DOES NOT DESERVE TO DIE???? Please somebody...help me... We're just teenagers.. :((",1.6867464114832558,4.013351047846893,2.6250478468899523,93.1628349282297,81.58373205741627,6.0966507177033495,22.897129186602868,7.348242739294969,0.83962009569378,815,28,174,12,22,257,124,209,0.119,0.758,0.123,0.6168,0,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,3,0,0,1,13,3,0,0,4,0,18,2,0,4,2,34,34,16,4,3,7,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,8,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,7,5,29,1,21,23,4,21,0,0,4,0,29,8,0,1,12,103,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164409040194505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810322815128396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805779520903643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139562684365133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167477495734826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089068797956832,0.07684776870604998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236683442569918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427694089724443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553960390845106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890926856062703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537200818890977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993492011569581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734772140472699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619469241560225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184826411309417,0.0841656039415387,0.0,0.0,0.2104393559398672,0.10545206337696447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080863563218293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022333086031604,0.0,0.17519131418433426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143363805922548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062587331081087,0.12679369527827514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404513940640084,0.0,0.2616018417910493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633637764904416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476010763836584,0.0,0.0,0.2848631512778659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985696478450919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910221808658069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577557962820893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835291187566895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945990238070074,0.1389652715687548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098318745796591,0.14056626176188286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Kingd0m,2019/02/06,"I'm really tired I feel like I've been fighting an uphill battle. I'm 19\[f\] years old and just about everything that can go wrong in my life has gone wrong. raised in a cult, mom died as a result of that cult telling her to leave her cancer untreated, following her death I developed a severe medical condition that my dad blatantly ignored because ""school"", I've been diagnosed with at least 6 chronic conditions, I've been homeless, raped, and abused all my life, I've got brain damage and stunted growth from spending almost all of puberty severely malnourished, I have no close connections with anyone because of severe isolation (love the whole cult thing haha), I'm unemployed in a new city that I'm completely lost in despite my aunt spending 6 years inviting me over only to toss me on the sidewalk 2 months later (at literally no fault of my own all I wanted was for her to fucking knock), I've failed to graduate on time and I'm not sure I ever will, I have about $30 to my name if Im rounding up, and I'm sleeping on a floor at a strangers house (albeit very nice strangers but they keep trying to convert me back to Christianity).  I have no health care to treat my ADHD, eating disorder or my PTSD. I'm \*this\* close to literally just becoming a drug addict/alcoholic and stripper cuz I'm so fucking tired. I could jump out the window but I'd have to go head first because it's only the third floor of a townhouse. I'm pretty sure I didn't even manage to get everything in this post that's eating me alive right now but I can't get all the thoughts in my head to quiet down. It feels like all the voices of the past that I locked in a box are screaming completely incoherent things at me. My entire head has become the box and all I can hear are haunting and blood-curdling screams of horror and trauma trying to get out and it won't fucking stop. I'm so genuinely tired and I just need all the noise to stop but it won't and killing myself is such a cop-out that leaves a horrible wake. I don't even know what this post is I just needing a second where I could spew my immediate thoughts without inconveniencing anybody",5.3136174291939025,5.8804423364705904,5.930535947712421,80.57955991285405,67.98823529411764,9.213943355119826,31.034858387799567,9.250403328903447,2.582075381263617,1703,65,334,31,27,554,223,425,0.184,0.733,0.084,-0.9842,3,1,2,0,3,1,43.0,0,0,1,3,15,26,7,0,22,1,24,24,6,2,11,59,58,22,3,6,12,3,3,2,0,3,11,5,1,0,17,18,2,4,5,0,2,6,10,17,0,3,10,8,38,9,48,43,10,47,1,3,1,5,13,25,3,3,16,198,55,5,0.0,0.09746216872268257,0.0,0.08967326020604573,0.0988580189179487,0.0,0.0,0.0879086862119011,0.08236941159537753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751664107168266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632512529016982,0.0,0.15043096960404592,0.1816947909139822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182702838459214,0.0,0.0,0.08386741825108923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249170065179256,0.0,0.0,0.13135249048997802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349004395274841,0.08537072047734512,0.0,0.09427468775825383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539305680650133,0.16834074886393507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866114338321596,0.07440698611353427,0.0,0.0,0.14785620533981209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318413856911197,0.11753013020068093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996853355799007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813832823162136,0.1289290838013487,0.0,0.0934981282112975,0.0,0.0657891625228265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532610315509193,0.08743630844447184,0.09271063935955018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491458036435213,0.0,0.0,0.08885265494200492,0.0,0.0,0.07311460714422706,0.09100618642340803,0.0,0.045206794382952636,0.0,0.0,0.17419849253204392,0.0,0.0,0.11620238454828033,0.08037411657384975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979422234630363,0.0,0.0742409725088651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286618719588526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633946634806552,0.06565747647352145,0.0,0.0,0.12198639130864933,0.0,0.07944519903178335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631583598561662,0.0,0.0,0.12512168970832022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852447977891723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756067318228767,0.0836858635331426,0.0,0.0,0.09615509121166413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269652147187345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024780301323544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324939328754583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787840629257889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231731254168949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375425868089606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505420747604756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189703626411288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092969964605816,0.0,0.0,0.1306071795070735,0.047965246993608865,0.28363008994352995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169543842118283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787138790862705,0.04851784469791903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183801541568573,0.0,0.0792936868377128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987221618888571,0.0,0.10594279017943184
suicidewatch,SadWorthlessFatty,2019/02/06,"How do parents commit suicide? Not physically but mentally? Like how do they get past the feeling of what will happen to their children? 
I have a 15 year old daughter and while I’m in a relationship I am still her sole parent and have been her whole life. We have been living with my partner for 5 years, been together for 3, we were flat mates first. 
Last night my partner and I had an arguement it was a miscommunication issue which was soon resolved. My daughter walked out saying she doesn’t want to be around us fighting, understand but we rarely have disagreements and I feel like it was something more underlying.

Well I woke up this morning and I seriously feel like I actually just want to kill my self, I hate everything about myself, I feel like a bad parent, a bad partner, I’m broke I have no job I have no one to talk to, no one at home will talk to me! I’m fat I’m ugly and no matter how hard I try to change it all I just can’t get happy!!!

The only thing that keeps me alive is knowing my daughter won’t cope, I’m all she has! How can I leave her? But how can I live?
I hate my life I hate everything about my life I honestly just want to die ",0.8505702773903607,3.1460095815899614,2.772682473268251,90.94995196032856,84.98326359832636,5.8838369750503645,20.98574306524097,7.2427474758485975,0.6032304664497135,906,29,198,14,27,302,133,239,0.243,0.608,0.149,-0.9878,4,0,1,0,2,4,23.0,4,0,2,2,14,17,5,0,8,0,27,4,1,5,3,39,49,15,3,3,7,6,5,4,4,3,4,1,1,5,8,12,1,1,7,0,0,1,8,9,1,3,9,6,39,8,20,36,4,17,0,1,0,0,28,6,0,0,14,135,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.10514216227122884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591460215366204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992272702484327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397838925212775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182079403112452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366591017483867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791350415185007,0.2309160402091693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164660829732688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258311548940672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527726513304463,0.11469501209291698,0.09651705750266093,0.3191233472105671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080755651779238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245627318877634,0.1069188479320123,0.09576741745210876,0.11920227416038433,0.0,0.05921303715417287,0.08782537331037071,0.0,0.11408486214619225,0.0,0.0,0.2283073664339104,0.2105522241017765,0.0,0.19027905660072747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085801565008076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111002260476493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305873094901775,0.0,0.14601963534497162,0.08194382462435232,0.0,0.0,0.35890938391355953,0.0,0.10285340958425712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567625043365548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568199519658261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240002028718027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294624839944556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604413793400373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178539558388901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320036792215765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158002685875489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731507977446769,0.0,0.0,0.11216483497317696,0.1296022241238622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064981138023096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687439062167028,0.0,0.0,0.12029182544792776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876662693599534
suicidewatch,cat_is_cat,2019/02/06,Why can’t it be easy and painless? I want to die but I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want to leave a mess behind. I hate this.,-3.805624999999999,-2.416772812499998,-0.18774999999999945,107.80775,105.25,2.5600000000000005,9.525,3.1291,-2.363045,98,1,29,0,5,35,21,32,0.438,0.365,0.198,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889937878012204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700474516176597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968698580755473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6632182584192874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33820788585382994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedditThrowaway4546b,2019/02/06,"I have no fucking reason to be depressed context: I'm 14 (almost 15), good parents, good school and town, financially stable.

I have no reason to be depressed at all, but about year ago i just woke up feeling like shit completely unmotivated and miserable. I've tried to hide it, and I've managed it so far, but people at school have noticed. I'm a shit person. I'm the ""autistic"" kid even though I don't even have autism. I'm completely incapable of socializing normally and i harass and bully or weird out anyone that tries to get close to me.

I sometimes feel extremely angry, so I take a pair of scissors and slash them across the backside of my arm hard enough to make it bleed. I'm not sure what I'm angry at but I'm scared i might be a deranged fucking psychopath because I've punched my ""friends"" several times to the point of bruises forming on their bodies whenever they do someting i dont like, and then i get mad when they criticize me. Sometimes I hide my anger behind a series of sarcastic edgy jokes like ""my dad beats me lol"" and ""haha i'm going to fucking commit suicide"" which I know makes everyone feel uncomfortable. Honestly, I should follow my sarcastic jokes and cut a vein so other people don't have to deal with my piece of shit personality.

I'm a disgusting person. I have bad personal hygiene with showers less than once a week, i brush my teeth only once a day because I'm feeling too lazy to walk to the fucking bathroom, etc. I also have horrid grades in school because i lie that i got my work done even if i didnt. I hate work, to the point of cutting. I can't force myself to do it.

I haven't even been diagnosed by a mental health professional which makes me feel like shit. Am I just another one of those snowflakes who act sad for attention?

​",4.850378787878785,5.834918431818185,5.718068181818182,80.18981060606063,69.22727272727272,8.593939393939394,31.14393939393939,8.841846274778883,2.5161587121212126,1416,58,271,24,24,465,190,352,0.303,0.589,0.109,-0.9981,2,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,0,0,4,3,14,34,15,2,14,2,23,15,8,5,3,40,54,21,1,3,8,2,6,4,1,2,3,0,1,5,12,13,0,0,9,2,0,4,9,22,0,1,5,7,40,12,36,44,6,24,0,4,0,4,15,13,8,4,11,163,52,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239145051302398,0.0,0.08177610248518287,0.0,0.0,0.06530779161603831,0.0,0.08848442778443619,0.0992324008492868,0.0,0.08563329340893135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057102347142969676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818719860756547,0.14934741124187226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071185028257334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124923824435898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266742758754887,0.08419344243951696,0.1406765803050484,0.08288866289722926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357205876941877,0.09571124167370773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843821896948047,0.09107850930687776,0.21575690842889744,0.0,0.0,0.07803479027915794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646240239596111,0.11668355747884368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630944861760405,0.3019933888713015,0.08533360273796509,0.0,0.046412329326442035,0.13699412741691666,0.06531528139728668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315615851068151,0.08062767617475931,0.0,0.08680650233857504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488116861447127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959035925583867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353686778204132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229951622663895,0.08663408490673842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001475370158444,0.0,0.09297660022947156,0.0,0.17394197343276255,0.05533858918499537,0.062110217388520524,0.0,0.0,0.09067976328028003,0.0,0.0,0.11323301273904053,0.28522831243071023,0.0,0.0,0.15440040093178686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793126701155234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176131297182188,0.24794923693592416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225865791476394,0.335313441950894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324759187813928,0.0,0.0,0.16153833939043838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932869378268195,0.0,0.07696867390292031,0.0,0.06140221811219473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023584177241412,0.0,0.04761975201600915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089089314279707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550705864220427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890676900946913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992324008492868,0.05258984069133276
suicidewatch,buttermilkbiscuts,2019/02/06,"My body image issues are really eating me up I’ve been suicidal since I was about 13, 28 now. I can’t seem to stop obsessing over my body image and feeling inadequate. I’ve also never had any kind of relationship or emotional support and it’s getting harder to keep going. I don’t wanna hurt anyone by taking my life but I don’t really see the point in living anymore",2.4531428571428577,4.565130466666666,5.423238095238094,75.26400000000002,77.66666666666666,8.019047619047619,22.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.011628571428571,295,9,52,7,7,107,59,75,0.141,0.797,0.062,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,7,4,2,0,1,10,15,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,2,8,2,9,12,0,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,3,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611078871444678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275070345677092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935976292726705,0.13649661440620442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336725570699484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997503840488092,0.0,0.21958697599177804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870494065212787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199009718158583,0.0,0.1109433523617444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089782463182514,0.0,0.0,0.20375037911047075,0.0,0.17351319814362584,0.0,0.2032830272787683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378838522315685,0.0,0.0,0.17237557683465146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055935798053152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845382286772095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250115327942399,0.0,0.0,0.20958439410819246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555851328649112,0.1777134714775024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148120041330416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632057878057982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353000149251894,0.22152401284360612,0.0,0.0,0.14677496300391185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RinaRot13,2019/02/06,"If fucking only.. If I only fucking had the courage to commit suicide, it’d be done tonight. But, I’m too big of a pussy for that, too big of a pussy for anything. To live a fucking life. If I got hit by a car tomorrow, that person would have no idea how much of a favor that would be. I’m completely alone, a drug addict, your typical loser.. I have no one to talk to about my problems, so posting my self pity bullshit on reddit is the closest thing to conversation I can get..",3.1017316017316015,3.9041895050505055,4.824704184704185,85.6618181818182,73.14141414141416,7.273304473304473,29.294372294372288,7.447530270364453,1.6602917748917747,367,15,78,4,7,125,65,99,0.191,0.7290000000000001,0.08,-0.8893,0,1,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,3,0,8,0,11,6,0,1,1,10,19,6,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,0,7,2,13,10,1,8,0,2,0,3,5,4,3,3,2,55,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283240148369225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270160831166627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531111779098588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507992571485905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904035449584031,0.0,0.0,0.21577003838685516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160272402204333,0.0972084492390545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488088399534532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003861428113652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141938110593052,0.0,0.0,0.1642940145546728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677519679673386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607878409327294,0.28301338373247803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624600452860421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781936423830165,0.0,0.0,0.17803388652943622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941007160631141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351897767235771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495476395386378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236097149591521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643427692458874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pure_puppy_fluff,2019/02/06,"if you see this, your life is precious. dear fellow friends,

i am mainly new to reddit, and my goal is to assist others under virtually any circumstance. i stumbled upon this subreddit and i have to admit, it made me tear up a bit. the amount of how many people on here expressing their willingness to die is heart breaking, especially when some of you all are so young.. i have been suffering from severe depression since i was very young, and i still do. yet, i will not allow this to continue for all of you. you may not believe me, but your life is more special than you can ever imagine. pain and suffering consumes us all at different rates, but our fates do not all have to be the same. please, if you feel that you are going to harm yourself currently or if you know a loved one is planning on doing so, call this:

1-800-273-8255

unfortunately, i am not there with you to provide comfort when you truly need it; but the ones at this number do. i cannot stop what you may do to yourself, but all i can do is plead to direct your mindset towards the light of dawn instead of the darkness of dusk. i care about you. your family cares about you. your friends, teachers, guardians and even strangers.. they all care for you. i truly hope you stay safe for today, tomorrow and all of your life time. you can do this, i know you can. ❤️",3.3924188311688286,4.9864395946969715,4.241645021645024,87.04318181818184,73.50757575757575,7.301298701298702,25.829004329004327,7.957251820313856,1.4075867965367959,1039,35,213,15,21,334,149,264,0.095,0.706,0.199,0.9859,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,2,23,2,2,14,18,0,0,7,0,31,6,1,3,8,43,44,19,1,5,12,0,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,11,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,3,3,43,12,33,37,13,25,0,3,1,1,35,8,0,8,14,168,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946824053391404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647955794033233,0.0,0.0,0.1596883539229624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935746046407056,0.0,0.4473943522045496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598166135937094,0.0,0.1518045942102252,0.15282044144984544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660959100190296,0.132309089934041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788981806665646,0.0,0.07395822788892951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601482560457706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312829816340922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333000031561796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527856572161274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077172685148755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099433107858107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201388769433556,0.13840368848517942,0.0,0.14829426252464473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845694242848404,0.0,0.14126794448420818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823192709665965,0.0,0.15564100559262795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140481830492158,0.0,0.0,0.16055993017587672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655781260486843,0.0,0.0,0.16524284246438614,0.0,0.1209955990150082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590376995669533,0.116810970235146,0.12228780816427433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529089148299117,0.0,0.1386463340068869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594413644021684,0.0,0.0,0.12068761329814565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cureitchwithbuckshot,2019/02/06,"What's the point 32(m) gone through counseling, medication, stopped for career reasons. I consider shooting myself every day now, for about 2 years.. sleep with my  gun, hopefully won't wake up",6.0500000000000025,8.948747939393943,5.5060606060606085,75.17909090909096,69.60606060606061,9.248484848484848,35.24242424242424,9.725611199111238,4.075715151515151,154,8,24,4,3,47,32,33,0.13,0.7879999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.1531,0,0,0,2,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046321903970455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141498017042003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703331327984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37561623120047294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524722881838245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833611673542282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731282896650054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31172683234852044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010898121807545
suicidewatch,RootCheckM8,2019/02/06,"I'm worried for my brother. My brother is eighteen years of age, I am sixteen. The basic rundown of our dynamic is that we despise each other. I won't get into those issues right now, but I'm worried for him. He has admitted to bring depressed for years, and I'm scared that he may commit suicide out of the blue. Every time I've tried to talk to him about depression, he gets extremely defensive and hostile. This is, in my eyes, an obvious defense mechanism. From my perspective, he treats me like shit. I don't exactly adore him, but it would ruin our lives if we were to lose him. He is under a large amount of stress from college at the moment, and I suspect it may make his depression worse, or God forbid make him commit suicide down the line. He has been lonely for most of his life and always pushes people away.

How can I help him? I understand that there is no clear answer, but what are some things I can do to help him? I've dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past, and I'm lucky to say that I got through it, but something is eating at my brother and it won't let him go. I hate him, but I love him, and I can't bare to lose him.

I apologize if I have not given enough information, and I understand that it's hard to guage the right course of action without a good amount of personal information, most of which I am not comfortable giving.",5.541313636363636,5.419863792727277,6.260034090909091,80.79405113636366,67.43636363636364,9.638636363636364,31.36931818181818,9.354420925462401,2.5828227272727267,1073,39,218,19,16,353,151,275,0.308,0.579,0.113,-0.9975,0,2,1,0,0,4,33.0,4,0,0,2,5,25,6,2,9,0,25,5,2,3,5,52,44,18,3,3,11,3,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,16,15,1,3,8,0,0,4,8,17,0,0,5,4,38,8,35,33,7,22,0,8,2,1,37,11,1,9,8,151,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922576253880322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203953716031388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410840268970192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202277857570275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321738783858975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004734804666852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460666951470872,0.11439570784565205,0.06777266629122165,0.10002145352349562,0.09537532018100263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682480258683047,0.11773493531848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986186035370145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244662808199526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219414620434693,0.0842299795824493,0.05825964952689908,0.0,0.1053001572142865,0.0,0.0,0.2668210577384337,0.0,0.0,0.10762800820158264,0.0,0.15920093830454846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383785890818075,0.08267310967670559,0.10412472028290204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036781271406123,0.0,0.0948325866841553,0.11939030555000593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240866992723808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180466997084624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660076067374968,0.0,0.0,0.39132126151543867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584883537679753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922456854982038,0.0,0.0,0.0946713796448069,0.06953578088167728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096309326389105,0.0,0.0,0.2482874356766152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495298739902696,0.0,0.0,0.2422088387464529,0.12152619454401947,0.08471195750953217,0.0,0.0,0.15358650493120732
suicidewatch,ChemicalNameOfTitin,2019/02/06,"I can't live without her I just need her, I need her to love me the way she once did and I'm not ready for this. i just want her or nothing at all. I don't really know if I'll ever find anything that'll make me as happy as her. I really want to join Rahma right now.",-0.928571428571427,0.4208773333333369,2.178015873015873,98.14892857142858,85.19047619047619,5.469841269841268,15.261904761904766,6.42735559955562,-0.742257142857143,204,3,55,2,6,73,43,63,0.035,0.753,0.212,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,16,12,5,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,14,2,7,10,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,2,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209822850723598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063965107687626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304269845042175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714258240757648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401276926722847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251477583888802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301250580009453,0.0,0.17019791489832853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781217355669317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465556528313975,0.0,0.0,0.27154024893346684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266872631205061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177474135448513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007819388103043,0.20238743254123906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457869780795036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UrWorthlessGoldfish,2019/02/06,"Not brave enough to do suicide This has been going for approximately 7 years, basically when I was very young.

​

I've always felt out of place, always been bullied. Never did anything about it.

Now I feel suicidal,  I cut. But don't have the courage to do suicide..",3.618235294117646,6.20138062745098,4.352705882352943,82.02317647058824,76.05882352941177,6.432941176470589,27.84705882352941,7.554174236665415,1.7569105882352942,216,9,39,3,5,69,42,51,0.34600000000000003,0.654,0.0,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,6,12,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,2,3,2,6,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34189612021970817,0.22260134553568134,0.2496401514128645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906507720042552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212281295541299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387999273235753,0.0,0.1972609900152924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676005842158355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845311196657774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464800875173307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6741758271663062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951499177515525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496401514128645,0.1323008985029217
suicidewatch,amanda8109,2019/02/06,"Alone While I am physically alive right now, I think my soul has been in the process of dying many years ago. Over time I have lost nearly all of my friends. I am so wrapped up in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about me at all. I am constantly lied to and betrayed and I am in so much pain I have completely disassociated with my self. I do not know who I am and I am tired of living a life in a world where I feel completely alone, abandoned, and uncared for. I know my family cares for me, and I love them too. But there’s something about needing acceptance from your peers and love interests that is completely different from family. My boyfriend is constantly talking to other women. He tells me I’m crazy all the time and that he doesn’t care. I feel so betrayed and hurt that I just have completely abandoned who I am and am ready to move on to whatever comes next. I don’t know if I believe in heaven or hell, or even reincarnation. And eternity of nothingness even sounds amazing to the pain that I am in. It’s nothing one singular person did. I just wanted one person to express that they cared about me, and truly meant it. That’s something I’ve never had and I can’t go on feeling alone. I don’t want to die I just don’t want to live either. I needed a place to vent and express how I feel. ",2.60340038935756,4.389562402985078,4.012556781310838,87.04834198572357,76.08955223880595,7.645944192083061,25.45814406229721,8.456263369488248,1.623579299156392,1036,37,220,20,23,342,135,268,0.173,0.664,0.163,-0.6969,1,3,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,2,1,16,18,1,0,7,0,25,6,0,1,4,47,49,22,2,6,9,0,4,0,1,0,4,1,0,4,12,16,0,2,10,0,0,3,9,7,0,2,5,5,37,11,34,44,5,30,3,4,0,2,20,16,1,3,11,156,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408303904770667,0.0,0.0,0.2947228353809652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686885462198893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868430788217509,0.0,0.0,0.08170899374741476,0.3978137275644146,0.20500863828631516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688857150588612,0.09910305603890704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530137487005882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788412889978387,0.0,0.1918457068564436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328456754545272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053908157267109166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154400356675722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638911886860282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699873613389487,0.0,0.0,0.16751701669716776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035451971612284,0.0,0.1712202842232916,0.0,0.0,0.09616785863068923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081561941507963,0.06972917725475718,0.14066723458361585,0.07315785376292794,0.0,0.1008791343792306,0.0,0.0,0.09101571942768873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855210725332364,0.0,0.2018643468486546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564706993478548,0.09910305603890704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183853505234552,0.0,0.08100546363769501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895422234891184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037014707561664,0.1460476872896607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624067893623547,0.08290725840427095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077911280234465,0.0,0.0,0.11062116976047726,0.1090216156328188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784342011590533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108336822960134
suicidewatch,Saraaaag,2019/02/06,My anxiety and ocd are killing me I really cant take it anymore. I feel the suicide happening soon. I don’t want to live anymore :( i just hope my family forgives me,0.6902941176470598,3.0271859705882385,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,86.35294117647058,8.105882352941178,29.088235294117645,8.841846274778883,2.9923764705882365,129,7,26,4,4,46,28,34,0.318,0.519,0.163,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212415083133009,0.0,0.5736285279091647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27263732063913604,0.0,0.14623105152774313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557435753478412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28724643675641304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199631700259332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553738616496393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527252621084905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163440091719307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744663475004006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058096820085097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,axxolot,2019/02/06,I don’t care about life. I was fine before I was born and now I’m not fine so why not just end it and be fine again. ,-2.304252873563218,-1.019250620689652,0.3868965517241385,109.50609195402299,89.6896551724138,3.866666666666666,9.666666666666666,3.1291,-2.4159747126436786,88,0,28,0,3,30,21,29,0.0,0.6990000000000001,0.301,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330434212056831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188658578454871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507416401664066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594569333338908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592105223217741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgentChiliFri,2019/02/06,"At what point is it okay for me to kill myself? Hear me out! I'm sorry for what seems like a lot of text, but I'd like to hear your opinion on my situation... so basically I suck at just about everything and no passion to try. Endless/Helpless loop.

 Every subject, sport, and most casual activities. I have no passion to do anything and I've tried to do many things to interest myself, but have found no luck. Living just seems kind of pointless to me. And while at times I get back to my senses that my parents will be sad and there are people that ""care"". But then after that it just resets and I realize there isn't a point in living over and over.

 I'm what you would call a waste to society. I'm not doing anything productive and, again, no passion to do anything. And I completely understand that if I want to get anywhere in life, I need to put in the effort, but what if I just simply can't. Then obviously I would be homeless, but at that point who even cares even more and it seems more worth it to end it all. 

...Is it okay for a homeless person to kill themselves? Even if they have the opportunity to get a career and they just don't want to, what is their addition to society? In that arch of a story, I feel like they wouldn't and if they did happen to do the deed would anyone notice? ...And that's exactly the position I'm in. But then at that point, any reasonable person would just want to continue with their own life and at that point, it REALLY doesn't matter. Nobody would mind. 

And then even if someone forced said person to get help and they were still miserable, would it be better to just let them kill themselves kind of like really old people in hospitals. It would be better to just let them go about their own business...right?

then the suicide is just whatever, cause there was no possible solution.  people would just move on with their lives and the person is forgotten and it's all good then. 

IDK It's obvious that I somewhat value living, because if that weren't the case I wouldn't be here, but I would just like to know literally anybody's opinion on my seemingly helpless situation",3.821982398568018,5.2905542434367545,4.836848896181387,83.70618026551315,72.19809069212411,8.196927207637232,25.74291467780429,8.751876143730069,1.7876640214797137,1664,53,333,31,32,544,176,419,0.14300000000000002,0.696,0.161,0.5576,1,0,0,0,0,2,55.0,0,2,11,4,25,28,4,1,13,2,41,6,1,2,5,86,69,39,4,21,25,1,1,5,0,12,2,3,0,4,29,22,0,0,10,2,1,3,13,7,0,0,6,4,35,21,53,44,9,41,0,3,0,3,24,23,1,16,20,247,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748180226448916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882162644899381,0.0,0.17237429660188575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053689314675885766,0.0,0.042563244697684015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350493515548275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129674121523538,0.0,0.1423777080442927,0.07172710406296857,0.0,0.0,0.07320772925767717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618421511809408,0.0,0.0,0.18446883033952965,0.0,0.058828601415398626,0.0,0.06275210348488149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0353044341953235,0.04988132135539694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655694139188615,0.0,0.0,0.1459178294716627,0.0,0.039681826025993926,0.058563933437874575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061743946531299124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573904219134862,0.0,0.04680065635523759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317452804262551,0.14541910895591448,0.03837270722346822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279679838392462,0.09863561753941802,0.17055912090928269,0.0,0.24661874751286586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059360727579216586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078921686317229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050098112525324,0.0,0.0,0.07421043628907065,0.0,0.05177261673633953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949355975745664,0.07326713491266656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752979957669005,0.0,0.0,0.1452187202339953,0.2438658097066241,0.0,0.0,0.3300249059374544,0.0787145566825905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019105718189021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946036620096813,0.07178932213256363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962816905980961,0.06641733769012448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542557046465223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569671877579515,0.0,0.0,0.059160512167682686,0.0,0.0,0.07816074999465521,0.0,0.0,0.05576046546372025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637465598595089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638707193058456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071415381049801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481000401013244,0.0,0.0,0.07268785017711309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354963950345997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464001211333553,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,henuttawy,2019/02/06,"I don't know how much longer I can keep going I'm on medication, I've been going to therapy. I've been doing this same dance for nearly 10 years and it just gets harder and harder and more difficult and I have no one I can reach out to other than my therapist obviously. 

I've been dx'd with major depression, generalized anxiety and recently borderline personality disorder and every day is a living fucking hell. I carry around the shame and guilt of a traumatic experience that occurred when I was 18; and the bitterness of being neglected in childhood. I flunked out of college, my job is stressful, trying to pay medical bills that I can't afford is too much but I need the treatments I'm getting for my migraines; I'm fucking up my relationship every step of the way because I can't control my paranoid impulses. I feel so alone, I'm in pain every single day, I feel like I'm going crazy and it's a struggle daily to get out of bed. 

My boyfriend always tells me to just keep going or to ""let it go"" and that nothing really matters unless I let it but that's literally the whole problem is that it feels like nothing really matters and thus what's the point of me even being here? 

I think about killing myself almost every single day and cry myself to sleep every night; and I don't know how much longer I can keep going before I try to or if it's even worth it to keep going. My dog is about the only thing that keeps me going in spite of how miserable I am. I don't even really want to die, I just want the pain to be over and to not be a burden to anyone in my life anymore. 

I just....don't know what to do anymore. ",4.753324675324676,5.1943348000000045,6.343419913419916,77.57227272727276,69.18181818181819,9.194805194805195,29.04761904761905,9.23628265651192,2.4117619047619048,1284,44,250,24,21,442,162,330,0.231,0.725,0.044,-0.9958,2,1,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,1,16,21,6,5,12,0,27,9,1,5,1,57,60,25,2,5,10,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,1,1,18,19,0,7,7,1,3,10,7,19,0,1,4,4,34,2,40,50,9,32,1,4,0,2,3,13,3,4,10,174,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321019270142059,0.08606400067569399,0.0,0.0,0.069143818233639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356939814359522,0.0,0.16482088083373395,0.05810373892948555,0.0,0.0,0.0739744370193374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065549507019774,0.0,0.07070989445004258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932009680208488,0.0,0.0,0.0912787564872008,0.1607731353829973,0.0,0.07157179787261764,0.0,0.086242137273901,0.0,0.09523699129678846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465544377971802,0.0,0.3500663483423884,0.0,0.0,0.0812853488671428,0.0,0.0,0.1260498539319283,0.11872981235148868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536446915349701,0.13024512012575656,0.0,0.3778100202488661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246149600720395,0.3693046017886825,0.09193512691959252,0.0,0.13700472053257035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994574938903814,0.05869425690525153,0.08119453081891143,0.0,0.0733766588848434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742407822149746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832587812732796,0.061615780246226985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798142129826259,0.0,0.15946868035925435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630905032118098,0.06319943113652735,0.17684330358512015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255757525727267,0.0,0.0,0.07855404405607662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951313258260027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970325469516447,0.0,0.08204880545741433,0.08921567008773583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315756184959129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951879625304867,0.0868716014559645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263092119178853,0.0,0.0950292902114896,0.09648266005268184,0.05520631968240173,0.053245554575309766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128355632859451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980261757022919,0.06595896715306228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927754467592202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053512097606457885
suicidewatch,Astrosurf96,2019/02/06,"Kee Bird, Greenland I need help, I need help getting to 80°15'21.60"" N -60°31'2.99"" W

I need to see her, or what's left of her
I've obsessed about this plane for years now, I have it in my head that if dedicated my entire life to restoring her it could be done. 

I've had many people tell me I'm crazy, I know there are better easier ways to get a superfortress, but I dont want a superfortress, I want KB.  I love KB, I know that sounds stupid but I'm being genuinely serious.  Not being able to even get to the site is the worst part. I certainly don't have the kind of money it would take to restore her, but I got the willpower and love.  I need help",0.13914893617021207,2.110653836879436,2.1355744680851068,96.494,85.09929078014184,5.745815602836879,19.3290780141844,7.03164865440522,0.11575801418439725,505,14,122,7,15,168,89,141,0.12,0.659,0.221,0.9411,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,6,0,13,4,1,0,1,18,31,6,0,9,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,19,5,12,23,2,6,0,0,1,2,10,3,0,2,2,69,26,0,0.1642143046661183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523420774326087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111176003631106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804824766224927,0.19245794206436656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846199948997848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25738558947770585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313371807037161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853125241548053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33020816078615445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100392833173034,0.18049577453883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841932250430828,0.0,0.11598941977962507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964196426313627,0.0,0.0,0.16648753047715448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870513046321106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782808938623698,0.0,0.11384552234625568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308575399211992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346872038654833,0.0,0.14353054031665358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371570307600436,0.13034567149724882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665313049623766,0.0,0.0,0.10574862822751528
suicidewatch,RelaxBrotato,2019/02/06,"Should I get admitted if I know how and where I can get the equiptment I need? Basically the title. I've known how I want to do it for a while and I have a good idea of where I can get what I need. Should I get admitted? 

Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good.",-1.0049425287356328,0.6027772413793073,1.8110344827586216,99.29574712643681,86.93103448275862,5.935632183908046,16.563218390804597,7.1686216300943375,-0.3514919540229884,192,4,53,3,6,67,34,58,0.0,0.792,0.208,0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,16,18,7,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,2,3,16,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871085330368414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6146413454156646,0.0,0.0,0.4933710290431513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320143914484261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616351646709095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361576775330673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347369846208388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Purplish_Green,2019/02/06,Im so alone I'm gonna be alone and fat forever and I just want die,-4.823333333333334,-3.7457811111111114,-0.13888888888888928,106.745,110.11111111111113,4.622222222222223,11.555555555555555,6.42735559955562,-1.1645777777777782,52,1,17,1,3,20,14,18,0.429,0.505,0.066,-0.8012,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,4,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7895711256776656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956026960958649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117377673960311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482872422695194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Riggerman10,2019/02/07,Why do people think committing suicide is selfish? I see comments about people telling others that they are selfish... Whoever says that... change my mind... but you are a jerk.,3.8290000000000006,7.1055449000000035,3.4616666666666696,83.6025,83.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,30.83333333333333,7.1686216300943375,2.406333333333334,137,7,21,2,4,41,26,30,0.239,0.726,0.035,-0.775,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625520756719547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460492712150425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475197474812208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725445183956709,0.0,0.0,0.27310328614227114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374879804811269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995521866440312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21960099142885975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092512875078568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DisastrousCookie,2019/02/07,Who am I kidding A lot of people probably wish I was dead. Only worried about my parents tbh. Rest of the small bunch of people in my life would be fine. Most of them have already left. I’m worried about my parents since I’m the only child. But maybe things would be better if I wasn’t around anymore. ,1.7410215053763451,3.81211546774194,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,79.80645161290323,4.778494623655916,23.23655913978495,5.46131890053228,0.2540236559139788,237,8,49,1,6,76,43,62,0.133,0.733,0.134,-0.2263,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,11,2,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,8,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,0,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596350655250215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408513016970108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421746765947307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308370408566293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263225585318835,0.0,0.13823105948767722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637998463294065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661031334394666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29768242365256115,0.0,0.0,0.4346108071182404,0.0,0.0,0.27135211473168075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110013049721451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188782848179245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001660575467675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250491873210491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974924909536418,0.0,0.27804408111853945,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRedElk,2019/02/07,"Anyone feel trapped by being alive? I honestly think it's selfish of other people to make you feel like you have to stay alive if you are suffering every day. I have been suffering every day of my life from a chronic illness, debilitating anxiety, depression, along with a perfectionist family that cannot bear the thought of me not doing what they have planned for me. They just keep telling me to try new medications, but I've only spiraled out of control since the last few years I've been on them.
 
I love them a lot and they are the only reason I am still here. My mother has told me multiple times that if I wasn't around she wouldn't be able to handle life anymore. While that's nice in a sense, it's also fucking annoying because now I feel like I have to stick around and suffer in pain every day just so I don't hurt someone else. 

I never chose to be here, if given the option I never would've been born in the first place. Why can't other people understand that not everyone wants to be here?",8.436069651741292,6.218278477611946,8.442388059701496,74.31293532338312,62.731343283582106,11.520398009950249,34.77114427860697,9.994966539143718,3.1533621890547265,798,25,158,13,9,261,120,201,0.13,0.746,0.123,-0.1326,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,3,5,3,11,14,2,0,9,0,21,8,0,3,2,31,34,9,0,5,8,1,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,7,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,7,3,25,5,23,22,2,23,0,5,0,2,13,8,1,5,16,110,34,0,0.13241971273262546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589599643035608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130071779176604,0.0,0.13132477279250904,0.09259094205433012,0.0,0.0,0.2357632378829018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807218278064711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485199677063586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561992797091049,0.0,0.11405290454010447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106196782616982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347079575778483,0.12653271023814444,0.0,0.0,0.12483352011168668,0.0,0.2008661565743973,0.1892013384697946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126361400037296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241989063848872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141758041249917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770072499503473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793973970071367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706391843841452,0.12938716572621967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257850439153884,0.1195139607519564,0.0,0.0883911865049485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339892931777944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426049175149186,0.12789178371662824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014223171878981,0.14090391063144572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836063112240832,0.0,0.13835041570643145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614951916115095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953895475998184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219879288014364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114179476956665,0.10575055364179088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574066556341404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484920504541496,0.0,0.10512646048425747,0.07721499938551511,0.0,0.0,0.12653271023814444,0.0,0.08990429268722057,0.0,0.0,0.13785359098665614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810457744615623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948819417244358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406716461809198,0.0,0.0,0.08527395344898966
suicidewatch,TheAverageGamer97,2019/02/07,I’m probably going to kill myself on my birthday this year... April 2nd here we come... I’m just tired of being here. ,0.036249999999999005,2.3052334583333334,2.2800000000000007,92.965,89.41666666666666,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.2390666666666665,89,2,19,1,3,30,21,24,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782200754809015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495336972773263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4857660919590186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733919075671881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046465731931644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28274679546103804
suicidewatch,PussySlayer609,2019/02/07,"Not sure if this form is for this but just need to post it somewhere I go around slapping my friend and making racist comments and jokes to others and in return I get hate and I never realize that its wrong to do that, and when I do its to late and I end up with having the person hate me. I always look forward to meeting and making up for being me but by that time they begin to be mean back and then its an endless cycle from there. I wish I could stop being such a dumb retarded douche bag and realize how much of a mistake I am. I always end up the night feeling bad for being mean and crying and the in the morning I wake up looking forward to make up but then get bullied back and then I cry again then my stupid brain forgets and does it again. I wish I could kill myself so I don't have to be mean anymore our hurt anyone.",4.7916477272727285,4.266867596590913,5.55468181818182,86.58577272727274,69.05681818181819,7.721818181818183,27.25909090909091,6.2581,1.0120381818181814,651,17,142,3,10,213,101,176,0.329,0.602,0.069,-0.9966,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,1,0,11,12,5,0,7,0,14,2,2,4,2,41,32,24,1,7,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,11,15,0,1,6,1,0,3,3,9,0,0,0,3,22,3,23,25,2,30,0,1,2,0,6,10,1,1,20,112,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137776036517716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739755279839224,0.08982204330676175,0.0,0.0,0.11435641161764172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19755523519750165,0.107258524609519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340356402267174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205129313350159,0.0,0.2822140044423232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241599198485573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755441739988375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495310885486535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924768338388584,0.0,0.13422983369598993,0.0,0.07300663568678939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536548139767467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375188181232712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212167932266648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490819213324027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574767141417325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572436397998256,0.0,0.0,0.4197909776311585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443269624954492,0.09525127614202432,0.0990760776858568,0.0,0.0,0.12055077229153785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121660978633699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230289299438044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739810217256372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107179313071907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490591266117233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29544474323097264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045056953226429,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onuha,2019/02/07,I think today's the day. I just got back from. drinking with friends. I'm getting high before lectures today. Then I'm going to jump off the suspension bridge. No-one would stop me. No-one would know for days. It's not that I've got nothing or that I'm going nowhere. I don't want to go anywhere. Death is all that interests me anymore. it's all I have. I've made my mind,-1.0229166666666671,1.0755638750000005,1.0225000000000009,99.60583333333334,97.75,3.6666666666666674,19.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.39395833333333297,290,10,67,2,12,95,54,80,0.084,0.8290000000000001,0.087,-0.2109,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,2,14,18,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,6,13,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,32,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086980147184148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181388290948556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906729436252616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714302864601538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614918971749774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258392749817538,0.0,0.10994520378530223,0.0,0.35879040674859336,0.0,0.3366130899486402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233937019869734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565125744410178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991215858867868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124824571457872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019209995262339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593564566667544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348402153445331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989413606964199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412182337591117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989783281331657,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doeyeknowu,2019/02/07,"Talking to a therapist made me want to end it more It wasn’t a bad session by any means but saying everything out loud made me realize just how bad things are. I logged back onto Facebook only to get so angry because despite having a bunch of ‘friends’ I have no one to talk to. My heart hurts so much but I can’t reach out to anyone because the options are hospitalization or nothing. It’s either going to happen or not, that’s my reality. ",3.3966934189406115,4.92905037078652,5.1460995184590725,80.81314606741573,73.38202247191012,7.3329052969502415,28.4446227929374,7.957251820313856,1.916446548956661,349,14,67,5,7,119,65,89,0.215,0.7609999999999999,0.024,-0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,6,1,1,3,0,16,13,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,7,1,12,10,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,2,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723245180787294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110482709823907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551734756784192,0.3369929031373765,0.2460335601511088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787368976510133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136685228083996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559119197050124,0.0,0.10543334786101563,0.0,0.11468887064199138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845306544148196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23913664087645697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603348509638726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819003414179897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982181335208398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834787526715584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363470393002613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674642899106515,0.1534797065994203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048125095342872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244020128846226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343079690832624,0.13406844958754155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119028197052516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lilithiumandias,2019/02/07,"I've picked my method and I feel so calm now I've wanted to die for as long as I can remember. I've had a shitty childhood and I've been through a lot. Over the last month I've realized that my life has fallen apart for reasons out of my control. This time I can't fix them because they aren't issues I can fix. I don't feel like getting into the details really because then I'll just feel worse. 2019 has been the worst year for me so far even though I've already experienced so much.

I've been researching methods because my biggest fear is it hurting. I found a method that's painless but albeit very complicated and will take months of planning. This is good because it gives me time to think about it, time to see if my conditions improve, and time to reflect on my life. In the end, the months of planning will be beneficial because maybe I won't feel the need to do it by then, and I'll have it ready for when I do. It's also painless because of how it's done and that makes me happy, people who've tested it out say they felt calm and euphoric.

After finding this method a wave of relaxation and calmness has come over me. My stressful life and awful circumstances don't seem so bad because now I have a painless way out. I feel almost happy? Ot excited? I don't know. I guess I'm just relieved that now I have a painless way out. ",3.5188267148014454,4.563443148014444,4.508250902527077,87.40901895306862,72.39350180505416,7.128447653429602,28.290433212996394,7.365786028017652,1.449528664259928,1060,40,223,11,20,345,138,277,0.103,0.6940000000000001,0.203,0.9872,0,0,4,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,3,15,15,0,2,12,1,26,3,0,5,0,43,46,23,1,3,4,0,6,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,15,15,0,1,15,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,7,9,27,10,29,35,3,35,0,1,1,0,5,12,0,5,20,139,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016536113613327,0.0,0.12140564399191907,0.08797993826726834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185895550383782,0.4694541027652105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476923944017453,0.0,0.0,0.1233925552497696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417947596904293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258479868114717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744172399693143,0.0,0.0,0.07266468140552387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379884351229414,0.2781375540012552,0.07859561569735304,0.1056328323088713,0.0,0.10055283983250317,0.0,0.0,0.12062711614495847,0.0,0.0,0.0574789386934808,0.10553759126483052,0.0,0.0922763928688618,0.0,0.0,0.12119527914716695,0.0,0.0,0.23422864218594586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777464813090327,0.0,0.0,0.11482835954958465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060462042068106535,0.08967790998311563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331231474893686,0.05374837216181313,0.0,0.0,0.09736090030618633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353186334200002,0.0,0.0,0.07343668688353472,0.0,0.11052608881941813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634417121682553,0.0,0.08087458665382884,0.08157563949968281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627140057933812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047921317059315,0.11311500618244905,0.0,0.0,0.12462694062688474,0.0,0.0,0.08748932071439944,0.0,0.0,0.08766869034867031,0.1001546426009806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602321816044493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271851222201752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049395702916755,0.1080903860210413,0.0,0.2566053905054865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907749104302706,0.06489042205314274,0.17465152286468394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211593589736664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708468441975715
suicidewatch,lattenight,2019/02/07,"I'm probably going to die soon. I'm under a bridge with a noose already tied near me.
I'm 17. I just missed my period, and after 5 pregnancy tests, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend only pretends to care, but in reality, I don't feel like he even loves me anymore. My parents will cut ties with me if they know I'm pregnant, because they are very religious.
I feel like I have no one to turn to, no one to rely on. Even as I'm crying my eyes out right now, asking my boyfriend to come so I can tell him something urgent and important, my boyfriend said he's busy and ends our conversation right there.

If there's anyone out there, reading this text,
please help me.

I beg you.

Help me.

",1.3314085914085931,3.3417010069930058,2.999165834165833,91.75281468531469,80.88811188811191,6.043756243756244,22.801698301698302,7.1686216300943375,0.7142971028971021,536,18,118,7,14,177,90,143,0.151,0.708,0.142,0.1581,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,2,0,9,6,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,17,23,8,1,2,4,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,2,0,2,2,4,23,4,17,20,0,16,0,1,1,1,15,9,0,2,7,67,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196277815981524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251581705461766,0.12163281672375115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262368882191197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604086176625664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773578937009801,0.0,0.0,0.14984613473356748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108051328768266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053698901599868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407178309089106,0.0,0.0,0.2297902083964183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591293393315527,0.2485458211720258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073179446364305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886217693558573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331956581968888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956006754462082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699704643457281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570004512487026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357517269557003,0.13230000282432128,0.0,0.0,0.1931555457783208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094946698668014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755204221483834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400126796393411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971118615395553,0.1654702731172303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391843678055848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204363245056055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921221031156865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353042758508813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeahthatsmarcus,2019/02/07,"Does anyone else feel like me? Empty.  Alone.  Putting a face on for the day but in the back of your mind you you know you know that you’re real life is waiting at home.  Maybe a podcast or something to cut the silence.  Every once in a while you kinda sit down and write the note you’ve written several times.  I think about my life. I’m 26,  paid off my 2016 jeep.  Decent job.   Not rich but enough to save a bit.  Just got my dream watch.  Got out of a terrible relationship.  Incredible web of support. Yet I find myself just a miserable as I was when I was less fortunate in life.  Still I write.  Still the silence of a lonely life somehow filled with people.  I don’t much like feeling like this.  I want to be glad about the life I’ve made for myself so far.  However I just can’t seem to shake the feeling it’s all pointless.  Anyone?  If so how do you make sense of it?",-0.1238500931098656,2.1748705698324082,1.6237779329608948,96.70501513035386,91.9050279329609,4.547579143389199,18.07285847299814,6.21433560688645,-0.2347823091247676,668,19,150,7,24,217,116,179,0.12,0.716,0.163,0.8082,2,3,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,6,0,0,14,12,1,2,14,0,7,6,1,3,1,32,24,11,0,2,8,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,8,1,2,3,3,5,0,0,7,4,20,7,23,16,5,21,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,5,11,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405103481267892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945041748830052,0.1425099296094062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694846332062743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184576777224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969889206548877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121714998677963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618841308197325,0.0,0.0,0.14371290325698904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171858601410761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109780135053532,0.1987259736715605,0.0,0.0,0.12712198272039005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224793822156336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951448695789392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802128344928385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287593428140775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912023830162556,0.2038510194814359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160643105307884,0.09284091087434186,0.0,0.13973046983515114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404370988801041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022441317843662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481219324284224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964246428311462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981973414581686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831019136822752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932619326020286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661856957294204,0.0,0.15712746525633764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707511241305533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214834111362824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783301850510706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912062157847735,0.0,0.0,0.08110210032887878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203646087668214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Namaskard,2019/02/07,What would be easier for family/friends to cope with - suicide or missing person? Assuming you have a level of privacy where your body will never be found. ,6.428571428571428,8.125159000000004,7.1485714285714295,68.74642857142858,66.14285714285714,11.314285714285715,31.857142857142854,11.20814326018867,4.327228571428572,124,5,19,4,2,41,27,28,0.206,0.708,0.086,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,6,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500609109764872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442562639653196,0.3130391656385097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124979005661348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537854032548401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44319847048580135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878265023578456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Km0042020,2019/02/07,"Don’t give up If you think no one cares, you’re wrong. Your mom will walk into your room and scream and cry and try to wake you up. Your dad will run in and hold your moms hand as  they cry. Your siblings will be at school crying in the bathrooms because something reminded them of you. When your principal announces it to the school, your friends will all break out in tears. That one kid that bullied you will run out and scream, unable to cry. Your boyfriend/girlfriend will cry for weeks, unable to eat, sleep, or even shower. After your funeral, your family will sit in the living room in complete silence, unable to say a word. Whether you know it or not, people care about you, people you don’t expect.",5.2961476074614735,6.1182590364963545,4.558345498783456,89.49393349553934,68.12408759124088,7.256772100567722,26.17112733171127,6.937597516519254,0.9580387672343867,556,15,113,4,9,165,83,137,0.23,0.713,0.057,-0.9777,1,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,17,2,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,10,4,3,0,1,19,15,11,1,2,5,3,1,0,1,7,0,3,3,1,4,8,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,3,0,2,0,4,19,3,21,7,1,21,0,0,0,0,26,13,0,3,3,74,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933192387411782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653720968917533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644894898680246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7147614835203788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331653532740359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595601269115309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268408166105213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054557221794423,0.0,0.0,0.12484181253788433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152134922790873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149156968799276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30483597482013364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763719923105417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044489700800456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349227459897188,0.0,0.2634165510561113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023363718125575,0.0,0.0,0.10018786206617572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833882341165553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835628103613419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439017883619746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228727966712934,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neleanorw09,2019/02/07,"I’m never enough. I think I’m gonna try again. I can’t do this anymore. I’m inadequate. In school I was the weird kid no one wanted to fw. I ate lunch in the girls bathroom the majority of 8th grade. In high school I attempted suicide multiple times, one of the attempts landing me in a coma for 3 days. But I’ve been to the psych ward countless times. I’ve been to dbt therapy, cbt, and I’ve tried so hard to get better but I can’t. It ain’t my life because I have a pretty decent life. I live in the US, am a sophomore in college, and despite my families money issues, my parents have parented me to the best of their abilities. It’s just me. I am never enough as I am. I don’t fit in with people, and no one will ever love me enough to marry me. I’m pretty, but my personality sucks so much I don’t see why anyone would ever want me. And even if there was a possibility I’m done with hope. Whenever I have hope, I get hurt in the end because I expected too much.  Sorry I just needed to talk to someone since I can’t talk to nobody I know in person about this.",1.1531304347826072,2.6404652260869597,3.8758695652173927,87.75728260869568,79.34782608695652,6.686956521739131,22.369565217391305,7.554174236665415,0.8227130434782604,822,25,186,12,20,292,122,230,0.092,0.747,0.161,0.9681,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,1,4,11,8,1,0,12,0,20,6,0,0,4,25,39,11,1,8,6,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,4,6,2,0,2,0,1,0,10,3,0,3,6,2,30,5,26,30,7,21,0,1,1,1,11,12,1,3,9,123,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112490316787478,0.07931164990324455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828958220946022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903592063857718,0.10031804438764703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315181927057512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607645216786112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046373708689467,0.35160502266503524,0.0,0.07491827062149893,0.20520464071041286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693003250229607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185231284519851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160940700980947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984314379667615,0.0,0.2253196352320881,0.0,0.0,0.12142725723630675,0.0,0.0,0.11838959380759898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233718420517996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023541482071774,0.0,0.0,0.10015919780321142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237339855714306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676558823728133,0.08410558909702294,0.17496567430270862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305856955717201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518972335966446,0.0,0.0,0.07863684693523232,0.19808229599878116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787327698762851,0.0,0.2307945591648623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229590831872484,0.09038760704006586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382899706964082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610736410107022,0.0,0.0,0.12697360761275656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407206432106314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233861592771908,0.0,0.0,0.12971505680476558,0.0,0.0,0.07268022439151595,0.0,0.0,0.132281816399487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402063372945676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644018457581975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338058078859496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235132739242454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057615423335115,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SnizzleFrazzy,2019/02/07,"Leaving as few problems as possible I've been thinking about what would happen after I went like what problems that I have would be left for my family to deal with. I want to make it at as few as possible but I am trying to hurry things along. I'm pretty positive that the credit card debt I have will become their problem so I know I should take care of that. Outside of that though, I don't really provide much for them but I am on the lease and the power and internet is in my name. Should I just leave the account info for them to have so they can switch to a different person when they're ready to? I don't have anything else to my name like I don't have a car and we all rent an apartment together and stuff. I don't owe any student loans since I never went to school so I don't think the government will come after them. If I pay off my credit card debt, leave the important account information for them, and close everything else, will they mostly be free of having to deal with things that I should have? Or do I even have to do that?",3.2659722222222207,4.410866800925927,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,73.12037037037038,7.622222222222224,23.685185185185183,8.07648339933343,1.0986351851851843,823,22,177,12,16,268,114,216,0.08,0.755,0.165,0.9717,6,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,7,1,8,9,0,0,9,0,30,0,0,1,2,36,43,18,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,12,11,0,0,5,0,11,4,6,3,0,0,3,0,30,7,31,30,5,15,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,3,6,134,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849348296486012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708665321891077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371936912892527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326771381929662,0.0,0.0,0.11209625864888978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683185137765489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595910674134604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741535893016375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595024049564932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695327337862255,0.0,0.12267584306921454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150743362712906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151654636191353,0.0,0.0,0.413369541151582,0.14138761732613114,0.0,0.0,0.12715078148560682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868633946609953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095661193834869,0.0,0.10036498213351563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362529352179143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29340610291395314,0.0,0.1323899210482763,0.0,0.3735531264585428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336519482071406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169943093543193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764563566002736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148968761408772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784225130290387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729063920873514,0.1667652687096575,0.12785296094437745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835034765565085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675458384254091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412653194603745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848825333825492,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needtostopdrank101,2019/02/07,"Feel so trapped in this world, and no way out. I’m done trying to understand it, I wanna go in peace. I’m crying a lot today. I don’t know why I’m here. ",-1.8841666666666648,-0.30542219444444285,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,90.38888888888887,4.711111111111111,14.555555555555555,5.985473137389443,-0.927977777777778,115,2,31,1,4,42,29,36,0.24,0.667,0.093,-0.6697,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947094227552977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677214806861056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168909904331512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421670488098145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974795167290448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305491289075868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406048012562032,0.0,0.0,0.2439628987337777,0.0,0.0,0.37407737331262825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852210837706959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242413164429182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cosmic_Crossing,2019/02/07,I don’t want to exist but don’t know what to do about it I’m kinda just waiting for nature to hopefully take it’s course quickly since I’m too scared to actually do something.,2.503859649122809,3.8354328947368437,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,75.3157894736842,7.171929824561403,25.824561403508767,7.793537801064563,1.3862877192982457,142,5,30,2,3,49,27,38,0.103,0.772,0.125,-0.0387,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.4186514746629385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261033232494527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577245120675336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295134411235753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35488116628056193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330272542052225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225618209320864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530409715582627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Heavily_medicated99,2019/02/07,"To give value to life, but not my own My existence is just. I sleep, eat, attend college, work weekends, wash, rinse, repeat. Even in my rare bursts of random actions, I find no pleasure. Sure, I can laugh and cry at times, I'm not stone cold. I just don't know how to make things better.  

I sometimes cry randomly, then have trouble crying when the time comes for it. I am starting to visually hallucinate and have bouts of delirium or confusion. The colors are nice but I get tired of seeing them all of the time. Like extra fuzzy TV static that fill the walls. 

I like to help people, to make them happy. If I can't do that, I have no worth. I feel like like I'm constantly waiting for the next day. I just want the day to end so I can sleep.  I have stopped doing homework, I'm missing classes more, called off from work, etc... 
Panic attacks are worse, Most cruel actually. My existence feels meaningless, even if it has meaning to others. 

I feel as though my mind is made up and it's been for a while, many of my things have been thrown away or are being donated. I have started looking at funeral arragements, and writing out letters. I'm 26 and I am getting use to the idea of not existing. But, my biggest problem would be my friends and family. 
I have had dreams of my loved ones at the funeral and it hurts in a way I never want them to feel. My fiance to lose a battle he didn't even know he was in. My peers and mentors talking about what I could have been. This is the part that has kept me going. But I fear it won't hold for much longer. 

I just need someone to talk to, medication can only do so much. Please, help. 


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suicidewatch,NegativeBasket6,2019/02/07,"My mother makes me want to kill myself (just a messy unorganized rant) Hi, I'm a 22 female. I'm sorry if I break any rules. No one has to read this or comment. This post can be taken down if it violates anything or whatever. I've been contemplating suicide on and off for years. Sometimes I feel on top of the world and can't remember why I ever wanted to kill myself. I write down notes to remind myself that I'm happy and that I have so much to live for. But then there are times like these where I'm in so much pain I can't imagine living another day and I can't remember why I ever wanted to live through these moments. I itch to kill myself. It feels like dying would be so sweet. 


The reason I'm on reddit is because I don't want to say this next sentence out loud. I want to kill myself because of my mother. I had originally outlined my mother's abuse but it was really long and still only the tip of the iceberg anyways. 

So, to summarize, my mother has mental health issues. She's abusive. I'm always her target when she flies into rages for things I have no control over. I'm terrified when she gets angry. She can't be reasoned with. She screams in my face so loud my ears ring. She's cornered me when I've tried to escape. She's grabbed me and pulled my clothes off. She screams at me to get out of her face but gets angrier when I try to leave. She calls me so many names. She mostly calls me a selfish bitch and disgusting person when she gets mad. She tore apart my bunk bed and trashed my room so badly once I couldn't find my school bag or notes under the chaos. She's told me that no one will ever love me and that my boyfriend will realize he doesn't actually love me. She mocks me when I cry and beg for her to stop. All in all she scares me so badly I feel trapped. She makes me feel like I'm not worth the space in my classes or the grocery store or anywhere. 


It hurts so badly because I love her so much. Sometimes she's an amazing mom. She'll spoil me and tell me how grateful she is to have me. She moves mountains for me in ways my friends' parents don't for them. Sometimes we're best friends and I can forget and forgive everything.

She used to apologize for her rages and accept responsibility. She doesn't anymore. Now I'm just stuck with the feeling that she means it and I would be better off with me dead. Today she yelled about how much she wants to murder me because I didn't think to tell her when her friend arrived while she was in the shower. Now I'm hiding in my room just waiting for her to come back for more.  

I don't know who would take care of her if I left. And I can't leave because I love her and want her to be safe and ok. I don't want to hurt my feelings by turning my back on her. 

I'm just in so much pain. I believe everything she says about me. I want to be a good daughter. I feel like a failure and a bad person. And I hate myself so much but I don't know how to not be me. And it's the same cycle all the time and it's breaking me down. My grades have fallen. I don't want to interact with anyone or carry on fake-I'm-good-how-are-you conversations anymore. I'm always tired. I can't focus in class. Pulling myself out of bed is becoming more and more hopeless and useless. 

I'm in so much pain. I don't want to do this anymore. I think my life looks good on the outside because I'm in law school and I have good grades (not for much longer that's for sure lol) and I have an amazing boyfriend. But I feel like I'm screaming on the inside and I'm an outsider. 

I'I live with her. She has mental health issues. I've been walking on egg shells, holding my breath my entire life. She can turn from calm and loving to a terrifying monster before you can blink. Sometimes nothing phases her. Sometimes she blows up over the smallest things that I have no control over. Everything is my fault in her mind. And she terrorizes me for it.

She screams in my face so loudly my ears ring. All the while I'm obviously terrified. It's the screaming that really kills me on the inside. I freeze. It feels like my heart is pounding out my chest. It makes me terrified and it hurts. 

She follows me around yelling insults and obscenities at me. She calls me a selfish bitch and a disgusting person over and over. She tells me no one will ever love me. She tells me that my long-term boyfriend doesn't love me and he'll realize it one day. She's cornered me. She's grabbed my clothes when I've tried to run away. She's spat on me. Today, she had another fit of rage directed at me and talked about how much she wanted to murder me because I didn't think to tell her that her friend had arrived while she was in the shower. 


She's kicked me out in the middle of exam periods. In the cold. Once she tore my bunkbed apart and completely trashed my room. I couldn't find my school bag or any of the notes I needed under the mess. 

I've tried so hard to make her happy. To be the best daughter. To do everything right for her. Nothing I do is good enough.  

I'm terrified all the time. I'm so stressed and scared and sad. It feels like my head is going to explode constantly. She makes me feel worthless and like the world would be a better place without me. She makes me feel like no one likes me and I'm a burden when I take up space in class or at the grocery store.


I've told my mom that I have suicidal and depressive thoughts and that I've come close to killing myself. She doesn't take me seriously when she's rational and when she's in a rage she mocks me for it. I just feel like she has to know that pushing me to kill myself and that she makes me hate myself. I hate myself. I just hate myself but I can't escape myself. I don't want to be a part of me anymore. 

This really turned into a rant and I don't know what the point of it is anymore. I thought writing it all down would give me clarity. I'm sorry. I just want to escape my life so badly.  I just can't stand myself and yes I love hurting myself because I feel like I deserve it even if there's a voice in my head saying my mother is sick and you're just a person doing life and you don't deserve this. I just want her to love me? 

I just can't stop thinking that I have to live the rest of my life with myself. And it hurts so much.
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suicidewatch,Captain318,2019/02/07,I have no will to live anymore. I’m just to scared to end it. I’ve stopped feeling almost entirely. Nobody would miss me. The pain from cutting brings me back and then I feel but I can’t and won’t keep living like this.  I am to weak to kill myself though. My pain tolerance is high but I want to go quick and painless but have no access to a gun. ,-0.7867999999999995,1.3432909200000012,1.1803333333333337,99.9585,93.13333333333333,4.066666666666666,16.833333333333336,5.6839178017228535,-0.6848666666666663,269,7,64,2,10,88,54,75,0.336,0.5379999999999999,0.127,-0.9586,0,0,0,1,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,2,0,8,3,0,0,0,14,16,8,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,0,2,9,1,8,13,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282676006878884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22607366831959336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528608570494802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201903650242522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305254263528771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955412077266296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408507675576484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026200700574977,0.2522024064548718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136905310096283,0.0,0.4025832251161433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851280269467044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282263176403029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058358967960004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396815859352787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445588338235842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193524284435815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shrieking-violet,2019/02/07,"Can't keep this going I feel like I've fucked up enough and I cant go back and fix anything. I'm so stupid how did I think everything was going to be okay? How could I think that. I dont want to do anything anymore, I keep messing it up and I've ruined so much already. I just want to start all over and do better this time ",-0.6083219178082189,1.2543221917808258,1.5468321917808223,100.22517979452057,87.35616438356165,4.197945205479451,17.344178082191778,5.148860815047168,-0.8402589041095894,252,6,63,1,8,84,45,73,0.194,0.706,0.099,-0.7912,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,0,0,1,9,1,0,2,1,16,22,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,1,7,3,6,18,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325831221675569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902108074537915,0.0,0.0,0.34688133992223064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206437196339332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864034759168092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827776447503653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470136335374369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777537223283955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942093602895116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656852280436856,0.1505697188904048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484776026543885,0.0,0.0,0.3593458168773269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374673143837796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296855893825148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493566237505535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917972032642918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27009789793431194,0.0,0.0,0.12289808143673235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486279297014396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SirbedLenoloc,2019/02/07,"Ultimate demise As of late all I can think about is my ultimate demise. I don't have anything that is specifically killing me, other than my thoughts. I only look at it in my mind's eye and reside in the fact that it feels near.

I can't help but feel like a failure in life. Floating  in a turbulent sea of misunderstanding and self doubt, occasionally drifting into calmer water. Withdrawn from the world, I often start to think of what my final day would look like. Is it odd that less than a handful of people would even notice my absence?

Nothing seems to be right in my world anymore. I am a shell of the person I used to see myself as. This past year has been extremely tough, and I have lost all faith in the process. I use to believe that things would get better if you put forth effort and positive energy. How foolish and naive I was.

Not sure what I want out of writing on here. Maybe a prophetic word,or perhaps more degradation. Either way, this is it for now. ",3.4034096858638727,5.270868958115184,4.139970549738223,86.64304482984295,74.07853403141361,6.869240837696338,25.550065445026174,7.6454224807358475,1.2801646596858638,765,26,153,10,16,244,128,191,0.17800000000000002,0.708,0.115,-0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,6,10,1,1,9,0,17,4,2,3,4,32,32,10,1,5,4,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,14,7,1,0,6,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,7,20,5,28,24,5,24,1,1,4,0,5,14,0,4,9,106,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627253526304044,0.0,0.0,0.12967119448377912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753360667082496,0.0,0.1393627076249191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162314928949544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407711900805534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593497955181153,0.11257195504366392,0.0,0.17261623710286567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232668508477567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056195233020977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433392287166607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775200596577714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130022222386493,0.15396684105048666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26464743512259786,0.0,0.17201225156288125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830575015332024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910631599392305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511979237626523,0.17940072941369686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984325385143403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042362656121955,0.10924299785622388,0.13758883195668675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840688094947747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456859971514412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255672569150671,0.14345079969481714,0.1643855925194356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153273642116976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485130259238277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468614772194652,0.20193601108985745,0.0,0.12509733048661972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27218924454558385,0.0,0.0,0.09294210127775332,0.1250760822075524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358113017206801,0.0,0.0,0.101473443387798
suicidewatch,Soemptyinsideforever,2019/02/07,"Girlfriend of 3 years left me for someone else Title says it all. Happened a month ago. I honestly don’t think I’d go through with anything but lately my emotions are getting the better of me.. becoming really powerful to the point where I am completely overwhelmed with grief and i just want it to stop. 

She was the best thing that ever happened to me and now she is gone. I find it hard to live my life without her. ",2.4840060240963844,4.725130819277113,3.526129518072292,88.26100150602413,78.1566265060241,6.559638554216868,27.24246987951807,7.6454224807358475,1.6522301204819274,330,14,65,5,8,106,64,83,0.097,0.7020000000000001,0.202,0.8715,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,2,13,12,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,2,12,3,11,10,2,12,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806638469048704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771694518526073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509036214794675,0.0,0.0,0.213884338742928,0.18025196489203246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368922670770613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025576362715542,0.2292570148400644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435636339801992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627718261878934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648147558612,0.0,0.11582900881951792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604541848775245,0.0,0.18257229172310036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299047491604749,0.0,0.2214384197485947,0.0,0.14395589817877694,0.0,0.0,0.17996654855307093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267791809333526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926648119239745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056487797337565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207661761773548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268619345160482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039294588390907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540124288231292,0.13059219141813513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021147308359098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964640218529584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124592559035847
suicidewatch,ProudTransGirl,2019/02/07,"I had enough bye I have no one in my life, I tried coming online to meet some people, I went to r/lgbt, r/depression and r/chiraqology and the first one banned me after accusing me of being conservative(I’m not) and the second two banned me just bc I’m trans. Society needs to stop with the stigma and hatred against trans people. I’ll never have friends I can’t even make anyone online ",3.765497835497837,5.33673596103896,4.89292207792208,82.84033549783553,72.50649350649351,7.730735930735931,21.924242424242426,8.344100000000001,1.1582658008658009,307,7,60,5,6,101,54,77,0.242,0.758,0.0,-0.9506,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,15,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,0,9,1,8,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947158012915288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23342042623823375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333898280120417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799889604573107,0.0,0.17897601591337206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049066088594874,0.0,0.0,0.20935412625474212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913972113540011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087749627556599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009240620179593,0.20899213935745364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672384922723803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37571901891763015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265467069370932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839738101578684,0.0,0.2647025855937287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511959559744951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thegobemouche,2019/02/07,"I need to get this out I don't know what's keeping me alive anymore. I don't know if it's hope that I'll be happy or that anything will make sense one day or that I'll reach some fleeting sense of oneness with myself but it's never going to happen. I'd kill myself but I imagine my mother after that and I just can't. I'll do it one day, though. I don't think anyone can stop me at this point. I don't even know why I'm doing this. To feel better? To get something out into the world? I hate this and my stupid brain for thinking anything would help me.

There's so little keeping me going. I'm so angry and confused. I don't want to get better because I know it doesn't work. I got better before and it just keeps getting worse and worse every time I fall back in. I'm tired of living and working and moving and thinking because I'm not good at any of it. Everything I want to be I can't be and the people around me agree.

Some people get sympathetic looks and conversations and ""You can do it!""s but I don't and it's because the people around me know damn well I can't. I'll never be able to. I don't get pats on the back because they know I'll never be good enough. I just think everything would be a lot easier for myself and others if I simply weren't around. My friends would stop being dragged back by my presence, my parents would be spared the disappointment, etc.

I'm still not sure why I'm posting this. I'm sorry for getting in your way.",1.048574490889603,2.9360816655948554,2.8330643086816707,93.21508413719187,81.21864951768491,4.918370846730976,19.691425509110392,5.6839178017228535,-0.20860651661307594,1142,29,252,6,30,379,136,311,0.207,0.685,0.109,-0.9881,1,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,2,1,5,16,16,4,1,6,0,30,2,1,1,4,66,69,23,1,10,12,2,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,18,20,0,5,12,0,0,4,17,6,1,3,2,2,36,10,27,54,5,33,0,1,1,0,8,14,1,9,13,163,54,2,0.08394680565698764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708670650537723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832526740321546,0.058697558375817416,0.0,0.1381621366486065,0.22419136437314446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936497354694572,0.0,0.20469277424967866,0.0,0.0714325486397061,0.0,0.0,0.22273238321641065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371239798869488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827748980559722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673949063930736,0.09362287864345846,0.05544607341526029,0.0,0.07072880436205177,0.0,0.15089195200644853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244602725946084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485709381153362,0.0,0.3070111882540227,0.0,0.0954178084195232,0.14082119551172692,0.06713992917053307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423388300389103,0.08936293560637168,0.0,0.08288009102541964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626777430916057,0.0,0.0,0.0833781194716536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384733397198392,0.0928747027054485,0.0,0.27680981394270154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413675288544642,0.07412656737189548,0.0,0.07049417420860865,0.0,0.0,0.07136857220339228,0.0,0.0,0.05603514463366819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922216921067727,0.0,0.06224549270854416,0.19423485503724264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065358422074395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321299324742137,0.0,0.0,0.17459443546195316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793568653513657,0.0,0.08039783477901775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462635226460306,0.0,0.09397157610679104,0.0,0.0,0.06704002743617986,0.14036657683674625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911887086207367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515889376619773,0.08247731033677781,0.0,0.0489500574609179,0.0964845040287262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902800192645636,0.06663306692834503,0.0,0.0,0.0754782598916996,0.0,0.1514978700301497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222854863983393,0.0,0.17109793348143534,0.2385336087488208,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,relevantwittyusernam,2019/02/07,"I’m not going to do it but I want to blow my fucking head off. I don’t come to this sub ever so I hope I’m not breaking the rules but I just have to vent somewhere. I can’t take the flooding and memories anymore. CSA by my father. Going through major life transitions. It’s triggered a lot. Diagnosed PTSD. Self-diagnosed functioning alcoholic. I have a good job. Husband. Just bought a new house. I have a son that I would never leave alone on this earth to figure out this dark world alone. I have faith in Jesus. For these reasons I hang on, but I want to die. I have these intrusive thoughts that won’t stop. I can’t sleep. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m worn down to nothing. It gets to a point that I feel like I have lice and bugs crawling on my skin. Like the whole world is ending. I hate so much self hate and anger. I hate my father. He ruined my childhood and it’s ruining my adulthood. 

No one wants to hear the details. No one wants to hear the stories. I’m alone with this. My family flinches bc they hate they didn’t see it sooner and that they were close to my father. My husband doesn’t know how to deal with hearing the details so he literally leaves the room to “use the bathroom” if I open up. All of my friends would look like deer in headlights if I told them. Obviously at work I can’t talk about my childhood trauma. I need more therapy AGAIN but it’s so much money. 

Death seems easier. I want to just die. I want to stop struggling and fighting. I hate my father. The grooming and the acts and the after effects. I hate him. The only person I hate more than him is myself and that’s so fucked up. ",-0.0592546583850968,2.267995952380957,1.6575051759834385,96.18894409937887,92.45238095238096,4.46935817805383,19.209109730848862,6.16605037968941,-0.05680828157349849,1264,40,277,13,46,410,166,336,0.247,0.6409999999999999,0.112,-0.9965,1,3,1,0,2,2,40.0,0,0,4,2,13,22,11,1,17,0,20,8,3,5,4,54,60,21,3,12,12,7,2,3,1,3,3,3,1,2,18,15,1,2,7,0,2,5,13,15,0,2,6,7,46,7,35,51,8,33,2,2,2,2,25,17,2,5,13,177,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665306411881761,0.0,0.2519325924085076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082508933464493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698458217235455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835930088312057,0.0,0.16459506889868586,0.16830269758693198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181546800342313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733442122322513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764378326990922,0.0,0.04099799919499892,0.05792570874977896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264452179756247,0.14991984702977112,0.042362518983576083,0.0,0.09216267069847478,0.06800857033023898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603687051934779,0.08321454663717735,0.0,0.2741592892500335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053371058930991,0.0,0.0935588913056628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046236250493771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044561094256711495,0.0,0.0,0.17171037121855007,0.0,0.0,0.057271318187772285,0.1188391689789168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808929560804702,0.0,0.0,0.06893386388924601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921066360260657,0.060122014349137935,0.06253620534599164,0.07831046307573379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780132175948767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988787345928892,0.06166727241728508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079854484230973,0.0,0.0,0.07664963983331935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947816836214654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336682453872116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461265019115643,0.0738149145568433,0.16917449734700366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114155345889011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355780311071396,0.0,0.08476555272685865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192864461138098,0.06517144104752674,0.0,0.0,0.09272547270929717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643708419946344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747827768929932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002967523418381,0.0,0.0,0.28694911199433515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052626971557463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059029386991981236,0.0,0.0,0.11519806835732314,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Roosh_,2019/02/07,Can I test for CTE? I was wondering because I wonder if my severe depression is related to brain injuries from football. ,4.836818181818182,7.434240863636365,6.400000000000002,68.77000000000002,72.18181818181819,9.854545454545457,38.27272727272727,10.125756701596842,5.0592000000000015,97,6,14,3,2,33,20,22,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108301543229308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865519068438915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982418964403922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911866074634338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7510302212695901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OsomatsuChan,2019/02/07,"I'd do it if i could see people's reactions because I'm just that fucked up there's no easy way out and I dont want to go through the trouble of buying a gun which is the quickest and most effective way

please dont send a hotline my way or tell me to get help because I dont care. I called a hotline 4 years ago after I tried to hang myself and it didn't really do anything for me

if you truly wanna help, tell me how much vodka I should mix with my escitalopram in order to have the best chance of dying and I'll see if I go through with it

anyone who says they will call the cops or sends me a link to a hotline will get downvoted ",6.9887234042553175,3.7489971985815633,7.885638297872344,80.38250000000002,66.37588652482269,10.818439716312056,33.4290780141844,8.344100000000001,2.2915758865248232,499,14,118,5,6,171,88,141,0.108,0.73,0.162,0.8319,0,0,1,1,0,1,2.0,0,1,1,2,3,4,1,0,9,0,12,1,0,2,0,21,22,10,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,1,1,5,5,2,0,0,1,3,16,2,17,17,3,15,0,0,2,1,12,3,1,6,3,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327032182465183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467624535218634,0.0,0.1231933159946402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825158631130257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571047034034448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057282486913593,0.0,0.15263280828524606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952615161422375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536871270772326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263545502594764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839857575855588,0.15642791555696978,0.0,0.17016002371241445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068634921052173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100493789495181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378563418560233,0.0,0.0,0.16432960934846064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959039663655242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905031985568786,0.0,0.0,0.23858879100019534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26169510833213705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163892483154796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829906825103248,0.3564832740249206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964042170360434
suicidewatch,money_power_glory,2019/02/07,"NO ONE around me can handle me and my depression anymore  

## 

hours and hours talking and crying about depression, everyone leaves me. i am a mess, i am a liability. make u wild, make u leave",3.671666666666667,5.5796517222222235,5.478888888888887,77.155,73.44444444444444,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.8997333333333337,146,6,28,4,3,50,25,36,0.441,0.5589999999999999,0.0,-0.9512,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,6,0,2,5,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330133649050504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916078593489254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25808829665079897,0.0,0.0,0.40473477317297374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245106689027338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627689563053724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975692729568475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136701074367709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921236706873312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884885234040408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2837461,2019/02/07,"losing motivation to keep trying. please have a mindless chat with me to help me take my mind off things. I'm a girl in school, and i'm sick of studying stuff i don't care about. Began losing motivation to make music anymore, which used to be something i knew i could always turn to for peace of mind. Now it feels kind of pointless. abusive parents fail to allow me to have any sense of accomplishment or pride for what little i have done, and make me feel like a chore to raise... I just feel so trapped and angry at life at the moment. Only place where I am excited to go to is my part-time, but all my friends there are moving away before the end of this year :( I feel myself starting to turn to drugs and physical outlets for solace again and it's like I have no control over my body when I relapse. I regret it very much in hindsight because I have sore bloody knuckles from punching my desk, which I don't know how long will take to heal.

​

Feel like i'm spiraling into another low point. please help me find some optimism to keep my head above water. 

thanks guys. ",4.379503875968993,5.4082378651162815,4.708837209302327,86.83178294573645,70.34883720930233,7.22170542635659,26.426356589147293,7.3011,1.1787891472868215,851,26,173,8,15,268,139,215,0.162,0.6679999999999999,0.17,0.2665,1,1,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,8,9,14,0,0,5,0,14,8,2,8,1,34,38,10,0,2,3,1,5,3,1,1,5,0,1,2,9,7,1,3,10,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,5,24,9,33,32,3,24,0,5,0,0,7,13,0,2,12,104,33,6,0.0,0.13464738319707048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455938536882713,0.12313123882541553,0.1380876698209498,0.07728056948671631,0.11916371915552634,0.0,0.0,0.11270249160180296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677055534588717,0.0,0.0,0.06927520929211863,0.0,0.09670111268801376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623082706314914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586576156677768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745935178256568,0.09073402199379474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629539100979487,0.0,0.0,0.13178883296463714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065322783926824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28730446717493136,0.16237197146065208,0.0,0.0,0.10386688045323487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779965515328134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458546153070299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252361062743013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662964755467425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234389610310978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202075645297715,0.0,0.1183408276265946,0.062454762151993484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026882228121526,0.16655946530758606,0.1138993046855481,0.0,0.1005697403451468,0.0,0.25427302927846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517140558162168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22949238280310774,0.0,0.0,0.1207836371991757,0.0835400674677187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642998776457679,0.0,0.0,0.126186176129177,0.12306339087368487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187318754314224,0.2494899432047067,0.10742857877878344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501193853798418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748729104537192,0.0,0.0,0.08043650964435263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009309083214773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088953100768656,0.0,0.0,0.10462643767350607,0.0,0.0,0.07549880511376192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715557069766715,0.2472200857599839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815034355161877,0.0,0.09376668809672256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380876698209498,0.07318182866854724
suicidewatch,SpiderWifey,2019/02/07,"Feeling Terrible about myself and depressed This is the first time I’ve posted in this sub, you know that feeling when you have something that makes you want to kill yourself but it makes you too sad to even explain it and you know that no matter what you do or how much you try to talk about it, it won’t get better? I have that feeling a lot. I also think I’m extremely ugly and can’t even compare to other females at all. When I think about it I just want to kill myself because I know I’ll be stuck this way forever. I can try to look better but I will ultimately always look the same. Anytime I try to do anything I always start thinking about how ugly I am and how horrible my body looks and I can never do anything. I don’t wear bikinis because obviously I can’t do that right now. My husband says I am the most beautiful to him and that no other girl even comes close to me. He’s nice and supportive but in my heart, I feel like that isn’t true so it’s really depressing to me. I also have no friends and I just feel like people hate me all the time, including my family. My family always insults me and treats me bad. My husband does not. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m worthy of living. Right now I just want to kill myself because I don’t think anyone really cares that I’m here. ",2.757015873015874,4.0671791037037055,4.370952380952383,86.62500000000004,74.62962962962962,7.216931216931218,24.708994708994712,7.793537801064563,1.223455026455026,1018,32,214,14,21,342,124,270,0.21,0.618,0.172,-0.9645,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,7,0,3,22,21,5,0,5,0,21,3,3,5,5,50,53,21,3,3,8,2,6,3,1,2,0,1,0,1,20,11,0,0,14,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,1,10,42,11,19,49,6,18,0,3,3,0,17,6,0,3,12,150,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665402023137506,0.2444955977497196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848579643594149,0.0,0.1612016620025113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817804317514781,0.17912006977466205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732497350683176,0.0,0.10879541076000736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986200214288744,0.0,0.0,0.08437140696481006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687206940540286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571279899440554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194076309244962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846686696790372,0.0,0.2971452369920193,0.2099169324400028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331242327245421,0.0,0.0,0.07567247850011778,0.0,0.05117250024439053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670093952149242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606593228761528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250866727441805,0.0,0.1614849160145045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355372507415107,0.0,0.08648770313448392,0.0,0.2467487472235085,0.0,0.0,0.08326979252784378,0.0,0.0,0.1307588122854862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200123905171253,0.0,0.07554163586428142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790310248419501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380474927615914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254928373827364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728990593315998,0.0,0.07789022183436642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540325914841628,0.09687064001410016,0.0,0.06932635482520239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114743406112272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872491209091738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510381795697473,0.0,0.0,0.11422565992718355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994957698156289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733124452461231,0.0777446078478993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,El_Penguino_,2019/02/07,"I feel broken. I'm only a teen, I know that there's a stigma with ""teens overreacting"" to the slightest things in life. But that's why it's harder for me to even feel compelled to express any emotions let alone depression. Some see it as a way to get popular or attention, others see it as utter lies but for me it's real and I'm not sure how to cope anymore.

I'm not real to my family, friends or myself. Everything that's ""me"" isn't truly me. 

I used to have aspersions, goals and targets for my life, but as I'm growing I realize they are completely unreachable with my limited skills. I'm mentally and physically drained from trying to accomplish these goals but I can't even get near. 

My anxiety is worse everyday, sometimes I even feel unsettled taking to people I know. 

Nothing has helped me, I don't think nothing can. 

A person shouldn't feel like this, I even feel sick writing this now. People aren't supposed to be this, why am I this way, why am I broken. ",3.5367697594501735,5.00660456701031,5.146783505154642,81.19838831615122,72.91752577319588,8.678487972508591,28.39725085910653,9.21078282632365,2.477247147766324,762,30,149,17,15,258,106,194,0.196,0.738,0.066,-0.9737,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,5,7,5,0,0,5,0,14,3,0,3,1,34,33,13,0,1,8,0,5,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,14,5,0,1,10,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,0,7,22,4,21,30,1,7,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,4,3,95,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342958263449546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817795385536878,0.0,0.09919484089654426,0.0,0.12859474470561555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359533013591526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168193045680468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585783526599747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34257511791202633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165362690867256,0.0,0.12223843459321294,0.0,0.3278174606793889,0.09263407543421168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018034276978376,0.0,0.13549123053665826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691300497621307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252309918686948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259321359005252,0.1831751643174528,0.06334870866685204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067376002347014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488378187958644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861753767400673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978943512436488,0.11322015535252235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951786913057668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066554986031053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824390205384614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220954003201545,0.0,0.09749338856872383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614494170622154,0.08308532829924642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803532890415579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119905886054693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205847135367526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510126878167393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321416719131787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway55,2019/02/07,"Is there a way to ensure no one finds me Is it possible to disappear with a 100% chance of no one finding you. Can not buy gun, already bought one and then went to hospital so lost rights ",5.952307692307691,4.6936494871794885,6.538076923076925,82.9194230769231,66.94871794871796,10.876923076923077,32.32051282051282,10.125756701596842,2.7697589743589743,146,5,33,3,2,48,32,39,0.202,0.653,0.14400000000000002,-0.393,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,5,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017635522467313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998644402128859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985076042508989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5558990075296748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082785668501285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23352842569868526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170552464120048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534948188712186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wyler17,2019/02/07,I genuinely want to die. I’m just terrified of that final leap. I’m scared that there is a hell. I’m scared that I’ll fuck it up like I did the first time. I’m scared that if I don’t do it I’ll live and live and live and regret it every day. I want to die so badly and I have no support system and a family that refuses to acknowledge it. My dad yelled at me when I told him I was depressed. “That’s a shitty thing to say. I don’t want to hear you talk like that ever again.” Fuck you. Fuck everything. I hate this existence so much and I just want it to end. But I’m scared.,-1.3897307692307663,0.5039483923076915,1.466442307692308,99.02043269230772,92.0,5.403846153846153,14.278846153846152,6.9077264865688965,-0.5439615384615384,441,8,114,7,16,153,69,130,0.377,0.539,0.084,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,2,0,1,8,15,5,4,4,0,7,3,0,0,1,18,23,11,2,6,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,14,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,12,0,1,3,3,15,3,9,20,1,11,1,2,0,3,9,2,4,1,10,68,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116963007513968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586682781344518,0.0,0.11467668207601613,0.0,0.27636478198625897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792601332343855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043631809912182,0.11217951351681972,0.0,0.11966118982472553,0.0,0.12551625893266136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585268034641308,0.0,0.11325216897861135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692682865501474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145207776832835,0.0,0.0,0.15006289914823945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009480932145065,0.0,0.3527056200703647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787611704784026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588140661950687,0.5332012520324704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510901674611502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701605711059352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845491882254085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763730324744947,0.0,0.0,0.12722474226067676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31412698633466063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justtrash1800,2019/02/07,"I’m tired My crush who is my best friend and my only friend atm isn’t interested in me, which is fine I’m not surprised but it’s also weird & I hate having a crush on him. My other friends couldn’t care less about me if they tried. The chat dies for months if I don’t text them. They live in other states- they will say they miss me and I’ll say well I’ll come visit and apparently they are just always busy which is such bs. Idk I’m just lonely so that’s why I turn to them, I guess. Everything else in my life sucks too. My parents keep making comments on my eating and I have a history of an eating disorder.. im ok but sometimes habits come back yk? so tonight, I’m going to try not to od but I can’t make any promises. It’s kind of sad how my best friend/ crush is the best thing in my life ",-1.237670454545455,0.8097935738636366,0.8999181818181832,101.14962727272729,96.2159090909091,3.952363636363637,14.994545454545454,5.6839178017228535,-0.9777415454545456,623,14,154,5,25,205,106,176,0.153,0.662,0.185,0.8473,2,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,7,3,11,21,2,0,5,1,12,5,0,3,0,21,28,13,2,3,9,1,0,0,4,1,3,2,0,0,9,6,2,1,0,1,1,4,6,6,1,0,0,2,26,15,13,26,4,14,0,3,0,0,19,6,1,3,3,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537673184519077,0.10964351889745597,0.1427731605737812,0.0,0.0896083825827858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132329483378567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148546785223325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434869281736206,0.0,0.0,0.22701704339284065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367568591019405,0.0,0.15102028094112546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696680073071377,0.1100772509435752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842672832057305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072219002456625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488814827023009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515993853959522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009597785085675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233463118027306,0.0,0.0,0.11712357552575901,0.0,0.13721858194834038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861466442138767,0.0,0.0,0.11635566693594045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591551468965924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517786670736998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002173180357444,0.0,0.0,0.14631542213448226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095782031633701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032428330100876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754239077314319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145067704163406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892688791994835,0.14332834355431096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847740398933812,0.0,0.11890227978785295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinysunflowers,2019/02/07,"I don't want an instant, clean death I want it to drag on. I want to really feel it when I go. But I also want to make sure I'm actually successful at the task at hand. Probably one of the biggest contributing factors to me not being dead. To pass away relatively quickly by shooting or hanging seems to be a waste of the death I've been dreaming about for so long. So, for now, it's just a fantasy I guess. ",1.3062790697674416,3.120295151162793,3.8327325581395364,86.73072674418606,80.04651162790697,7.555813953488372,25.86627906976745,8.472884824447931,1.7963534883720933,317,13,70,7,8,111,61,86,0.185,0.65,0.165,0.2626,0,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,6,0,4,1,1,1,1,13,14,6,3,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,2,7,2,16,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,4,47,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.2535686122531546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779580175389145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24413040411301234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131384079529547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767437307258793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862455997942151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995226794937865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734467599051588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760758743035093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801539588856688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664616376892298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655068039969196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448983024509957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6130469078402483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zozyman,2019/02/07,"Haven't suffered for years but I still get odd moments... So I was severely depressed for years, have tried to and accidentaly almost taken my own life a few times. Been about 2 years since I even had any incling of depression due to giving up drugs, other than being put on ADHD medication and using it correctly, eating healthier, exercising and having something to work towards such as my uni.  


Things seem all well and good, I don't even get ""down"" moments and yet, I still have the occasional though about killing myself. I can often dismiss it but it is worrying that this even happens, I don't know why, I don't feel sad... not in any way that I can recognise... but I sometimes just think ""man, I want to kill myself"" not 'die' to actually kill myself.  


It's illogical, it makes no sence at all and it's got no cause that I can find! I don't drink, smoke or do anything any more and as I have said it's been 2 years. So why do I still get these feelings? Is this normal, just in-build reactions or conditions that I've still yet to shake? It seems like it's an idle thought as well, it's not followed by any sadness, depression or anything, more apathetic. Maybe it's just old habits and coping mechanisms left over from those years but I would still like to know others thoughts on this.   


Oh and HELL NO will I speak to my doctor or go back to any psychologist, they always just say ""Oh have these SSRI-gunnafuckinggohyperdepressedmate drugs"" or other anti-derps, but I hate all of them and they only make me feel worse if nothing else the withdrawl is a bitch and I want to be as drug free as possible. Apparently actual help does not exist where I live, just everyone goes right for the drugs as first-line rather than second or even third. ",4.1424027149321265,5.698154805882357,4.81529411764706,83.83074660633486,71.52941176470588,7.8190045248868785,25.429864253393674,8.384062270229773,1.5112262443438924,1374,42,276,22,26,441,187,340,0.222,0.6970000000000001,0.081,-0.9965,2,0,7,1,0,3,49.0,0,0,3,1,28,19,6,1,6,0,26,10,0,4,4,58,52,32,4,6,22,0,3,2,0,2,8,3,0,1,25,11,2,0,11,2,1,4,12,13,2,2,9,6,30,7,35,39,7,34,1,6,0,0,9,11,2,11,20,187,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.15734037208134138,0.0,0.09688550367696737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072589373470303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707948079352387,0.0,0.0,0.2741103094302545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326812084516641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061989199891478386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281546930218618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830491416592775,0.0,0.08366731746443541,0.0,0.0,0.08251452030378033,0.07054814205436133,0.0,0.0,0.07897359051702947,0.3739587119848877,0.08249092193814442,0.06734483638179539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129860525636456,0.0,0.0,0.07703262929199325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228654667699095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368212457462626,0.06857245056600943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263565602409181,0.0773348018796343,0.045816279467039485,0.06761739087614363,0.06447647057139885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128900539564037,0.0,0.0,0.07959221607729466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403561694484133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675710166720029,0.0,0.08860956534135547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759018683954786,0.0,0.05694189848559025,0.07877041085874824,0.0,0.071185947002912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762443149917607,0.0,0.08099022423140093,0.0,0.0,0.08121275716567636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898716505464301,0.07735381524044177,0.0,0.08459357507159823,0.0,0.0,0.061312567564020176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088311925795144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104196338711411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884614775445395,0.07668486079935277,0.0641095670551519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678067501912972,0.0,0.09107382705458487,0.0,0.06668689605381083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206260792056851,0.07973189246868129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219026598252444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05355809608754244,0.05165587100507226,0.07920541380420945,0.12800117288283486,0.04700819584320239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473338899719346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962687055830899,0.0,0.0,0.0950995351177386,0.06398971568729428,0.0,0.0,0.14496803505188813,0.0,0.14548790979236892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058689855029068635,0.08187008459804362,0.08215521679299481,0.057267729482253185,0.0,0.0,0.2595722810305561
suicidewatch,ThanosisKing,2019/02/07,"Boss makes me want to die My employer has started what I fully believe is a bullying campaign against me in order to get rid of me. First a bit of background: I'm an optician, and our doctor has a policy where if you make an appointment with us, fail to show and fail to notify us, you get put on a walk-in only list. Which means just that: we can't schedule you another appointment but if you want to come in and try to be seen between patients you're more than welcome to do so. My boss accused me of breaking this policy repeatedly. When I asked to see proof, they could not produce any. When I tried to find it myself after this meeting I was told to go home. Like I was being kept from examining the schedule for some reason.

I also have high-functioning autism. They know this because I disclosed it the day they hired each new manager. This one seems to see it as an easy way to get rid of me. They even deliberately triggered a panic attack when they forced me into a Sophie's Choice: either admit my wrongdoing even with no proof of it, stating that I will go an entire year without another mistake, or decline to sign the write-up and get fired right then and there. I don't have any savings and I can't afford another job search. I need this job but the thought of going in there tomorrow makes me physically sick.

I don't want to go in tomorrow. The more I think about what happened the more I want to die because these people don't care that I have autism or panic attacks. In fact the new boss seems quite keen on triggering them as often as she can. I'm scared to go home cause I know the first thing I'm gonna do is cut myself. But I have nowhere else to go.",4.524633431085043,5.016566844574778,5.473181818181821,83.42977272727276,69.70381231671554,8.663343108504398,28.696480938416425,8.710501217029153,1.9923184750733127,1318,45,274,21,22,434,183,341,0.168,0.762,0.07,-0.991,4,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,4,4,6,6,13,14,3,3,18,0,22,2,0,11,3,59,62,22,2,9,11,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,17,12,0,1,11,1,0,8,8,9,0,3,6,4,44,5,44,51,7,39,0,2,3,0,20,10,0,8,18,182,61,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760887204302355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940593338126655,0.2993085921517688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894924911404388,0.2164860400671504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600099712218245,0.0,0.0,0.10719766256709178,0.0,0.0,0.10387547009275444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097008323839134,0.09774179166894714,0.0,0.08196039127970367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596683670635744,0.0,0.0,0.06136170086793349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749434693821466,0.0,0.0,0.09738660085069764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948279497867937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568689493327384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869622901443658,0.16186333867156244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884073496796267,0.0,0.3244441127084517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413784492655398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052763163037826,0.19087964228595508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883668489996236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458019194298156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464838341961186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053333001767428,0.0,0.0,0.10364256617018718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705500157200981,0.0,0.1837864037275191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447381449148122,0.0723632946359758,0.0,0.22326812436288448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596268865151987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564863628221504,0.0,0.10120014591207599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782657559652723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125469658900739,0.0,0.0,0.0952583685771754,0.0,0.15163908049493505,0.17323582513790686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734526982392312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321118885256183,0.060966114480770064,0.0,0.0755357910708879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091667616463632,0.0,0.12919662352400396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889934592986266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447977479604414,0.0755229610163855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171794973016018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127130602362541
suicidewatch,frickened,2019/02/07,"There’s no fucking viable way for me to kill myself Not enough pills, and any I do have won’t have the toxicity. Haven’t got a viable way to hang myself. I live in the UK and therefore have no access to a gun. I won’t be able to slit my wrists because I won’t be able to slit the second wrist with sliced tendons without screaming and alerting family.   

I’m honestly getting to a point where I’m considering jumping off a building or a cliff or walking out in front of a train. I wish I could just fucking disappear. I’ve been suicidal for almost 5 years now. I’m medicated up to my fucking eyeballs and have had hospital stays and thousands spent on different therapy. I’m incurable. I am to suffer always. I want out. ",3.594719800747196,4.925600041095893,5.427459526774597,79.7905790784558,72.56164383561644,8.322789539227896,30.396014943960147,8.841846274778883,2.536871232876712,570,25,111,11,11,196,90,146,0.154,0.7809999999999999,0.065,-0.9261,1,0,0,1,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,9,0,15,8,3,1,0,18,27,7,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,6,0,2,4,1,13,1,20,17,1,19,0,1,0,3,0,9,3,3,2,74,13,0,0.35407315231846553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772765581430287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473086134689056,0.0,0.0,0.1203909426311534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791985363257672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134930046583566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849655417719282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182926108032326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689432815113436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910023857894845,0.09249430412798154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159232255355242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195864741369234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563265402090344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834572528798848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673567877489047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869743471975411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364928011916133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245675372868446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044207594782401,0.28104678756174395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203583325561666,0.1706569418525476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400575067439668
suicidewatch,ririadoll,2019/02/07,"Honestly, I’m just tired I’m tired of waking up everyday feeling miserable. I want to end everything but I have no idea how because I don’t want to feel pain when ending it. I heard that gunshot to the end is quick and painless but it’s hard to acquire a gun in my country. What should I do? I’m so tired...",-0.2490909090909064,1.905046742424247,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,89.15151515151516,5.724242424242425,23.40151515151515,7.1686216300943375,0.9668242424242428,239,10,54,4,8,82,47,66,0.258,0.618,0.124,-0.8834,0,0,0,2,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,5,5,1,1,0,11,13,6,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,6,1,7,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012492645227875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5236055602686776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771033169437232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927722105186751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652555382552942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224548639431086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096839524251208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6794686715866927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324602124669355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lazy_Scranton1010,2019/02/07,"I don't know what I'm doing here. I've been struggling a lot recently and I'm finding myself here after failing at obtaining help through other avenues. I'm not someone who reaches out when I'm feeling low, so this is foreign for me.

My anxiety and depression is worse than it's ever been. The last two weeks I haven't gotten out of bed - I actually emailed in my resignation to my employer because the thought of moving, let alone going out in public was too much.

I'm ashamed and disappointed on myself for being so cowardly as to give same day notice of resignation and using email as my medium. How fucking pathetic am I? It was a fucking career and I don't even have the will or spine to fight for it. 

Aside from the crippling shame I feel, I'm unable to enjoy anything. I used to be very active and now I cannot muster up the motivation to do anything and when I do, I hate every second of it. I find myself disassociating during waking hours - literally an hour will pass by and I'll have been staring at the wall or out the window without any concept of time. Recently the only reprieve I've been able to experience is thinking about killing myself. There's something incredibly comforting about the fact that it's in my control to stop my suffering. When I become overwhelmed, I vividly imagine ending my life in a variety of ways and it feels good. Really good.

I don't know what to do.",4.524781818181818,5.866135687272731,6.0779545454545465,75.97693181818181,70.30909090909091,8.554545454545455,31.568181818181817,8.982922981607832,2.8106909090909094,1114,49,202,21,20,380,159,275,0.194,0.728,0.078,-0.9863,1,1,1,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,4,15,20,5,4,13,0,26,5,2,5,2,37,47,19,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,12,13,0,2,11,0,0,3,7,16,0,2,8,5,26,4,40,34,3,34,0,8,2,2,7,14,2,3,16,147,38,4,0.130768938809374,0.0,0.12761162063174364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543718275803324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892736264836035,0.0,0.10003788025884564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522338880884012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971553134478662,0.14442401892121867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666848438327632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433514728765712,0.0,0.11263109537891072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582246550770045,0.0,0.0,0.08637165077235667,0.11828799181611505,0.11017847096498123,0.0,0.0,0.12791711474759346,0.0,0.0,0.19836211388698965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904088198538395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417875534933188,0.0,0.12544548190076724,0.0743190014967447,0.2193655631660484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910725389723385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765166319299736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575621266609263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467645576239566,0.0,0.14373437773286793,0.10659413862740323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372009979925598,0.09236596877802998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111750754342246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898668680288825,0.09613021649183466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888130356516294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945567063859442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377393073133595,0.0,0.2582371019838611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080009749193656,0.10067231788776784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932868829010567,0.0,0.13670808782419658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379145577072503,0.0,0.1038159303824324,0.07625241983569496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774225174677836,0.0,0.0,0.22588475351689144,0.0,0.10789806974890656,0.0,0.10379829683380416,0.10489495485208683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605659051177287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326472054974345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gabbocado,2019/02/07,I wish I could kill myself I’ve attempted before but I realized that I love the people in my life too much to do that. The thought of how my dad would react if I killed myself (his only daughter) makes me cry. I love my dad and my sisters. I like my friends but something tells me they wouldn’t care that much. My dad is the only reason I’m still here otherwise I’d put an end to this constant suffering. I’m no longer a good student. I no longer follow directions or pay attention. I hate getting out of bed and I feel guilty every time I eat. I’m constantly thinking negatively or having suicidal thoughts. This is exhausting and I hate it. I have gotten so much help for over 5 years now and nothing has ever worked.,2.075861056751471,4.196823376712331,3.671663405088065,87.31301369863014,78.93150684931506,6.911154598825831,24.81213307240705,7.957251820313856,1.4838626223091975,567,21,115,10,14,188,97,146,0.258,0.565,0.177,-0.9426,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,7,12,4,0,5,0,9,5,0,4,1,25,26,11,3,5,5,5,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,7,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,3,1,25,6,8,20,3,13,0,1,0,2,12,3,0,3,9,75,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407582478761825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866571367617162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31514334560095536,0.0,0.11641953543491552,0.0,0.1601683482180729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920274221218832,0.0,0.0,0.1291467276285152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318958890560328,0.1228534457271994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372725657233388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265449100217173,0.0,0.07618109096732374,0.0,0.0,0.12230073204320607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879196066297356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773514510291424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226401846084481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029917862621142,0.07123669507608818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263203217464015,0.0,0.09733107553789874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215672235534245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991116941453466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217941804428246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108813137147853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465819860842882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991968835242073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225370105006484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644616993694873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949537178097067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744668227899236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343085789603696,0.0,0.2315179119323703,0.08502452829309665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767735040834467,0.0,0.0,0.10615334517583654,0.0,0.0,0.1035811223618646,0.0,0.0,0.09389856537443604
suicidewatch,GoWebbGo,2019/02/07,"I feel like I'm here just to keep people happy... I'm the kind of guy who cracks jokes, tries to be the life and soul of the party. I  know I have friends and people I work with who like me, but I don't find any happiness or pleasure in being here. I feel like I'm here just to keep other people happy, and because people around me would have a couple of months of being a bit low if I went. 

I make people laugh, make an effort, try and be nice to people, but I'm not close to anybody. I'm liked by people, but I'm don't really have anyone who talks to me or thinks about me unless I'm infront of them.

I can't keep living my life for other peoples sake, I don't have a single thing that makes me happy, I'm here just to make a couple of jokes in a social group.",7.001014370245137,3.396601781065087,7.860033812341506,81.71106508875742,66.69230769230771,10.130515638207946,28.28486897717667,6.18269132825596,1.2383721048182583,587,7,139,2,7,201,81,169,0.037000000000000005,0.723,0.24,0.9878,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,9,16,0,0,9,0,13,2,0,4,0,31,33,11,0,2,11,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,3,5,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,2,17,15,21,27,2,7,1,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,5,86,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708540836105961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285341830862607,0.0,0.0,0.09275290546887736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351443194487616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375059938491924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057277208907814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053651383477936,0.14886946768511974,0.0,0.0,0.0952295341621453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804984247467459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316638928149363,0.0,0.4436569771665327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778317175429627,0.0,0.10849985903174733,0.057261158513562435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718767946488548,0.20361165140513826,0.0,0.09200338088938526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27819568274668577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316500250167158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5778685084708611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667480167594491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062105489131467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837455246247159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922048692912508,0.06676198007253037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147895890377588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658696067014708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585296415823926,0.0,0.0,0.07401495590148552,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SergeantPootis,2019/02/07,"I slit my wrist because I'm sad. It's pathetic. 

I can't bear to be me anymore. I want to hop to another person's life and have every memory I've ever remembered erased. I've slit my arms before, but in the forearm because the pain made the nauseating sadness disappear just for the moment. This time I slit my wrist. But I stopped because I feel guilt. I'm posting a lot on such subreddits, I don't know if it's help I want, closure, a close companion, if I want to die or maybe it just feels good knowing a happier person is reading this. I don't know anymore.",2.173076923076927,3.8328839572649582,4.403769230769231,84.3287307692308,76.94871794871796,7.756923076923077,28.79401709401709,8.548686976883017,2.2434622222222216,441,20,91,9,10,153,71,117,0.209,0.659,0.132,-0.8847,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,0,6,6,4,1,1,22,17,6,1,5,7,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,2,14,1,7,15,1,9,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,4,4,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748601316260036,0.0,0.0,0.3546405059133058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32698206030895866,0.0,0.15214451357128725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556480853123306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173364889439065,0.15064560540069485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081197698816528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996785568805504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984499104442747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29478924731142103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262908003997492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200824986561876,0.0,0.169183640899577,0.0,0.0,0.1796273133627108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025440931259507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122402339669501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123971771376945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884707255784513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254405775632908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948370848567652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425895230536683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163802944865609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodbyesc,2019/02/07,"I think it's time Before I start I just want to give a bit of context. I am 24 years old and I was with my ex girlfriend for 8 years up until February 4th. She has been and will be my only real relationship.

​

I will refer to her as S for the rest of this. Prior to her leaving me - and in fact now - I feel I my love for her was thriving more than ever before. Her and I have been through a lot together, including myself struggling to get my life started. But she waited for me, and she waited a long time. But now, when I finally get my foot in the door of life, getting a nice job that I can expect to grow to my life long career (a job which I actually enjoyed attending and giving 100% to) she decided to end it between us.

​

She texted me at work that Monday morning. Naturally, I had a meltdown in front of my colleagues and I left to find her in person (she lives two cities away from me which sounds further than it was - about 20 minutes drive), but she told me not to. I instead settled with a phone call. She told me she wasn't happy, she still loved me, but she wasn't happy so she didn't want to stay with me. That's what it keeps coming back to. She's unhappy. Yet the previous week everything was normal, in fact she would talk to me and tell me the exact opposite. Oh how happy she was and talking about children and marriage. It seems so out of the blue. 

​

Anyways I'm done rambling. You guys know what's coming. I'm going to do it on her doorstep too. She's going to remember me.",1.9071428571428584,3.6945464522293037,3.589940855323025,89.2983598726115,78.10828025477706,6.269153776160145,23.953139217470433,7.1686216300943375,0.9010795268425844,1182,40,251,14,28,394,167,314,0.058,0.888,0.054000000000000006,-0.6475,2,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,1,0,1,16,8,0,1,12,0,21,6,1,1,4,45,47,20,0,5,6,1,1,0,1,3,3,1,1,3,14,16,0,3,8,0,0,8,4,1,0,1,14,3,58,7,46,29,4,43,0,0,1,2,42,12,0,2,22,184,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.08890722605944165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961429774683934,0.3321146939033932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559796432844348,0.07005560918778525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505058239276528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994651763436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303036682605577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569611143911626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323402598188567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069370228727818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241143852299518,0.0,0.0,0.08188103841494579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046066403706477584,0.0,0.0,0.0998031938330248,0.08327008789212202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427988394437638,0.17479614728304418,0.10355634124655004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902101892922808,0.0,0.2909550787550925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081914957359926,0.08098002978652305,0.0,0.0,0.05006998872965672,0.0,0.0,0.096469089180671,0.09898795126665272,0.0,0.1930545672649711,0.0,0.0,0.08044909261014599,0.161253540710675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745585797652159,0.16445513147021076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926545229824534,0.0,0.0,0.09560140226665736,0.0,0.0,0.0692909293729269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955106133410621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369963768144186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781475218745657,0.10320639692537488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829403317308588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897191479311745,0.0971078703639676,0.07275811584180808,0.0,0.0,0.09524474971926213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645660629187446,0.0796314767409688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837764510142455,0.0,0.0,0.10625037272232868,0.0,0.0,0.174113161061441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899823697221977,0.0,0.10959042489788784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747446132248292,0.0,0.07308048763397312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632693363363475,0.0,0.0,0.0647197525166324,0.0,0.3321146939033932,0.11733975794295365
suicidewatch,MathewMurdock,2019/02/07,One day Im going to die Whats so wrong with ending it on my terms? Why are people so against assisted suicide especially with mental illness?,4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,6.305714285714287,74.78928571428574,69.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,31.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.8283,114,5,20,2,2,39,26,28,0.411,0.589,0.0,-0.9467,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215828230812604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473245924758944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964097250416421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901951810683472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614905906331509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33725890550477416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267745045950688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201133915666855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36606408976152494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30197889994670696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36589854130444804,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bodg123,2019/02/07,I am comfortable in my discomfort. I want to live a better life though.,0.91,3.4918457142857164,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,91.85714285714286,8.514285714285714,21.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.3432571428571443,56,2,11,2,2,19,13,14,0.162,0.405,0.434,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814871918053704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38453351229450544,0.0,0.0,0.4807247906208713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534880936057653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211076485766703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoovidToonet,2019/02/07,"is it worth it? There are times I feel like just not existing. After me and my long term gf broke up, my life has fallen apart. I've lost most my family except my grandma, who I fear is not gonna be around much longer. My dad doesnt love me, hes just kicked me out of his house and only talks to me when he needs stuff. All my friends have abandoned me and treat me like shit, and I dont find enjoyment in anything anymore. I'm just doing the same shit every day without a break. I make too little to go on all these adventures I want to, and so I'm stuck in a dead end town. Is it worth it anymore?",2.458617472434266,2.9030558625954237,3.778269720101784,93.89927905004244,74.34351145038167,7.04359626802375,22.189143341815093,6.937597516519254,0.2939560644614079,462,10,114,4,9,152,90,131,0.227,0.6509999999999999,0.122,-0.958,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,2,1,3,0,11,4,2,1,2,24,22,7,1,2,7,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,5,6,0,0,2,1,19,7,13,18,6,19,0,3,0,1,9,9,2,1,9,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36306615697548017,0.0,0.0,0.15063178623294635,0.16295031568317264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804993823827965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452929611017094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212498987110208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422468698892874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256007927872338,0.20597835739356274,0.0925538799511524,0.1307685545387894,0.0,0.0,0.16730131067743115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142137821096906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040296225095388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211211243579992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929125353126802,0.17885468226314616,0.18346081904057795,0.0,0.1619905142121553,0.0,0.0,0.19981702806099266,0.0,0.1652067371313445,0.0,0.12218505203720838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456034031678746,0.13572676247016358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921521635915934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375789486271834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954460662844104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712595369025194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106735966457968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796564948326044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764504266967801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TomaIsInLove,2019/02/07,"Did professional help from a therapist or whatever actually help any of you? Hey I've lurked around here a couple times and as someone that contemplates suicide more often than I'd like to admit, I wanted to know if getting help from a professional help improved anybody's mental state and lead them to happiness. I've never gone to one myself and can't really risk going to one scince I applied to join the army (I don't want anything stopping me from been able to join the infantry). cheers",7.9624468085106415,7.583495457446812,8.061148936170213,70.75300000000001,62.51063829787234,10.924255319148937,35.821276595744685,10.355215969177356,3.722508936170213,399,16,69,8,5,130,68,94,0.054000000000000006,0.639,0.308,0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,1,1,14,11,6,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,3,0,7,3,14,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,4,42,8,3,0.20362606295449293,0.0,0.19870966403087148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847270544428406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756689974655758,0.18127036726183293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22530836562953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638621353790878,0.0,0.1157253841415006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167637304263128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459450309808239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119075589181878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948140880983564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052071780969924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704897289909833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759645802837888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044807007198506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725317023497916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024050640148927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273386302483653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364255535675974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873599482618588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240207855399865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alppari,2019/02/07,"Existanse is like tortute There is no reason I should stay alive. I know that my future holds only failures and disappointments. Even now I am a failure as a human. I've been out of school for more then 6 months because of mental problems, but I still can't drag my lazy ass to school. I want to die but I'm a pussy and can't do it knowing that I would do even more harm to my mother then I already do. I am nothing but a burden on her already hard life. I want to die so that I would stop being a burden on my mother but if I kill myself I would die as I lived, harming my mother. I have no escape from this hell that is my existanse. All I can do is to be a harm to myself and others around me. Every day is painful. I want this torture to just fucking end. ",1.2854965156794442,2.7190168353658564,3.296864111498259,92.29012195121956,78.8170731707317,5.417421602787456,21.470383275261323,5.773587663045528,0.051067595818814926,587,16,133,3,14,199,91,164,0.369,0.529,0.102,-0.9964,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,4,0,6,0,22,4,1,1,1,25,29,13,4,9,6,3,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,1,1,26,1,17,22,3,14,1,1,0,2,5,4,3,1,10,101,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272296142574976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198784287489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038135055124112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561906421758784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616289405782493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131933865539142,0.0,0.0,0.19585609766261136,0.0,0.12492018606029105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370691837747864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281688016596072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640339497734199,0.0,0.1629658231085534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472439764623218,0.07243509655386866,0.0,0.13092126569406726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941688036823375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834420956833888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226486861415766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127626910421824,0.15776508147651894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187018208816915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524417589773709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300105461702646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803143185859445,0.11840512187857467,0.12395670373088022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623527261080566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159709441079151,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaceBubz,2019/02/07,"Good news, and a huge thank you to this sub Hey fellow redditors. So first off, I wanted to say q hige tgank you to this group for giving me support and help, and even just an ear when I needed it. If you look back at my previous posts, I was not in a good place and things did kinda continue going downhill for awhile. I became homesless and moved 2 1/2 hours back home to figure things out. Well, I decided I'm going into residential treatment for 90 days, and throughout January put every ounce of my being into getting all my appointments, paperwork, etc in on my own and am getting admitted this Saturday to the place I really wanted. The people in this sub, as well as my own friends irl, convinced me that this was best and I just ran with it. So whoever posts to this sub in search of just a person to talk to, you have great people on here who are there for you. I love you guys. In the meantime, be safe, be kind to yourself, and be calm. There is a way through the bullshit. I'm proof of that (again, just look at my previous posts here, it wasnt pretty), and I wish you all well. 💙",5.100135746606334,4.967156660633485,5.883438914027147,83.16009049773756,68.36651583710407,9.333936651583713,28.312217194570128,9.057496981413335,2.0118343891402715,846,25,179,14,13,278,126,221,0.035,0.7559999999999999,0.209,0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,7,0,2,18,15,0,0,9,0,12,2,1,0,3,33,30,16,0,5,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,14,14,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,5,4,24,15,33,21,6,34,0,0,2,1,20,16,0,2,9,129,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142585600274024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374518710548929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446907770251112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607354169487327,0.0865088153044836,0.0,0.11035344247803246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111408637130698,0.0,0.0,0.10119220359765467,0.0,0.13685974520639865,0.1256446985497312,0.14887405107123908,0.21971393180978005,0.0,0.14440217436106176,0.0,0.12968743551754805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877908604789645,0.0,0.1313802185078093,0.0,0.1289855771279948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639198356985538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997472935481768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182115037413952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920740788088912,0.0,0.09711749634516023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160537906743407,0.11436372341147726,0.2736853599530075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763181598643662,0.13325029880190073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316676685291129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839069698930336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415785689003733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863070431679493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527403740977212,0.0,0.1205856647645281,0.0,0.0,0.17403007893627073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450679553928595,0.10396313616121616,0.0,0.0,0.3532911047950464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506166370314469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tigs_,2019/02/07,"Friend is MIA I don't know what to do Hey there. So, I've been trying to contact my friend for the past few hours.

His girlfriend whom I've never really talked to sent me a message asking if I could call him because they had a fight, he said his goodbyes and that he didn't feel like himself anymore.

He canceled his birthday dinner coming up earlier today.

He posted a couple pics saying goodbye (which he's done before, kind of an artist thing) but these felt different. 

Thing is, he doesn't answer his phone, texts. Nothing.

He recently moved, I don't have his new address so I don't know how to tell anyone about this. Kinda freaking out.

Tried contacting his sister but no response so far. I don't know what to do and this is crushing me. ",2.9113617463617487,4.881344959459463,3.7594594594594617,88.38637214137216,75.75675675675676,5.905197505197506,24.222453222453225,6.67199483983844,0.8285076923076917,586,19,114,5,13,187,101,148,0.103,0.867,0.03,-0.8567,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,5,0,16,1,0,1,1,17,25,9,0,2,3,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,10,4,1,0,6,1,0,3,8,2,0,0,7,4,17,4,10,17,1,13,0,0,0,0,34,3,0,2,7,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737983645891663,0.1225370808768744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638326945508865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682920945600308,0.0,0.14912265913791573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894722441654615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096014731482166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992081639894025,0.19390795296518826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830962694906003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933897005731012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861036845678058,0.12519680219087842,0.16826501954461284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707914662800401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258342203092633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249323518328986,0.28893422058066154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856170443849689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862602886235757,0.0,0.0,0.1351616251134803,0.16925506423270384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681546398091958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729350584801406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783859934284515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122679939790162,0.0,0.17303569951647402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670044142556814,0.13936379379573813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408572495602453,0.1531739820571798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285321683159846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611407671885384,0.0,0.0,0.23796300890270355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kin-Of-The-Cosmos,2019/02/07,"I'm tired of trying Appointments? Can't afford to get to them.

  


Hungry? Can't afford food.

  


Feel gross? Sorry but you paid for your bills instead of soap.

  


Tired? Can't sleep without meds which you can't afford.

  


Need to talk? No one you know will because you make them uncomfortable when you're depressed.

  


Wanna comment on reddit? Better prepare to be inundated with posts telling you to kill yourself.

  


I'm so tired. Of everything. Im disabled and can't find work I can do. I can't function in public or at home. I'm constantly depressed and starving. I can't afford my meds or anything else in my miserable life. I can't do anything because I'm broke and can't afford the activity or getting there on the bus. I get interviews but never hear back probably because I don't have nice clothes to wear and can't afford any new clothes. I'm never going to get out of this. I'm going to have roommates until I die. Be better to get this over with now. I have no prospects or future to look forward to. I'm useless and a waste.",0.8589895720963696,3.383968077669905,2.6224487594390524,89.85014922689682,89.09708737864078,4.799424667385833,23.163610212153905,6.42735559955562,0.752761452714851,808,32,158,9,27,266,108,206,0.28300000000000003,0.672,0.045,-0.9954,6,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,6,2,3,6,10,1,1,3,0,20,7,2,1,2,23,41,14,2,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,3,8,1,0,3,0,2,3,16,7,0,1,1,3,18,3,28,37,0,20,0,5,1,0,14,8,0,4,10,94,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564122153216143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727021887250632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968374887384222,0.0,0.23030938766670056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276141611154415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609274861135842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169380560378769,0.0,0.13070233084021549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052038878728858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318371544159148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367734007119928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510379100245915,0.0,0.15228306325184213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289834358451892,0.0,0.14314536902212074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419397258243294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632470014205474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603316262679602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393302132149056,0.0,0.06921147394128234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895276052918932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575504455766012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406367311988222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279774393395518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338040949916848,0.1942601733142536,0.12163037431872716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853379143538987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206124718084308,0.0,0.13578097876191758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602757195374095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409757377810892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122308639441363,0.11007415853678744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434236862998912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550269966236528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139840957946985,0.0,0.09168336073681692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kittyyyqueen,2019/02/07,I almost did it this morning. I was driving to an interview and realized how easy it would be to cross the center line before a semi to get hit head on. I almost tried it. ,1.970833333333332,3.4563721944444485,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,77.05555555555556,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.1950111111111108,133,4,27,2,3,47,29,36,0.0,0.914,0.086,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,6,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7555121080763655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210074372108558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709477504749212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871618766696152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561243746605731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26798379692193136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saturnskateboard,2019/02/07,"Is this proper police procedure for suicide attempts? Two nights ago I attempted suicide in my flat kitchen, I was still conscious but very emotional and distraught. My flatmate caught me, knife to my wrists and call 999 without my knowledge. Next thing I know police are storming in tasers charged, shouting for me to put the knife down. This terrified me. I would've thought that they would at least try and negotiate with me gently knowing the situation? When I put the knife down I was handcuffed and told to wait for female officers to search me. They wouldn't let me talk to my flatmate, they wouldn't even let me have a drink of water or anything. I ended up having to voluntarily go to A&E as they wouldn't let me contact my crisis team. I don't know much about police procedure but I was very upset about how it all happened and I'd love to know if anyone else has been in a situation like this or if I was in the wrong and it's just standard police procedure. I'm doing better now, stitched up and in bed. ",3.75686274509804,5.831594757575762,4.328110516934046,84.77687165775403,73.64646464646464,6.881045751633987,28.31372549019608,7.724431198458867,1.7657215686274519,814,33,154,11,17,258,114,198,0.15,0.7609999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9355,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,4,4,8,6,0,2,6,0,19,5,1,1,1,31,31,16,2,6,8,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,7,8,3,1,7,2,0,4,5,3,0,1,8,1,28,3,27,16,3,21,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,4,8,110,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200416444768823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672749539572602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468880103871737,0.13875377614843912,0.11143910777721336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976797049617967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827894387523987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266002876943775,0.0,0.0,0.11312601938689335,0.15232925425170074,0.11994191047887685,0.0,0.0,0.08944362183485087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696229729982243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119751444056364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29769312527070196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154283239191411,0.0,0.0661593635434915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222182213407815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954926939465047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402068861255696,0.12708248078473458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722689730599998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044354703493492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814657364265856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962549644924102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884545300922166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996701962382728,0.0,0.0,0.10750834023113727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939959739905266,0.0,0.09194127950217484,0.0,0.13228564645227298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234713372045521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054003148836685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239694158360127,0.1480604932220904,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aboveaveragek,2019/02/07,"Do you ever just wish you could get a terminal diagnosis of a ""real disease"" like cancer instead of getting stuck with a disease where you'll inevitably be blamed for your death? I feel like I've been wasting away for the past 5 years but I can't tell anyone. I want to die so badly. I'm so tired of fighting. I just want to give up and go home.

If I had a ""real"" terminal disease, people would tell me how brave I was. How inspirational (barf) my ""fight"" was. I would be able to talk about it publicly - sorry I was useless at work today, but I'm busy dying. Et cetera.

Instead, I am literally three days out from killing myself and... I can't talk about it with anyone. I can't tell anyone. I've been struggling with this disease since I was 7 years old and I cannot handle it anymore, and I can't tell anyone how desperate I am for it all to end. I can't be honest about how sick I am because the last thing I need is anyone calling the cops or having me 5150'd. There's nothing left of me - I'm so completely hollow and I want this fight to end so badly.

I just wish I could tell someone. Anyone. How sick I am. ",0.6145493562231756,2.72704947639485,2.680851502145924,92.44215278969959,84.27896995708157,4.929716738197425,20.47879828326181,6.152001189255117,0.08751000858369108,860,26,187,7,25,289,120,233,0.287,0.643,0.07,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,4,2,34.0,0,4,0,1,20,13,4,1,7,0,28,4,0,5,2,37,43,18,4,11,7,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,8,1,31,5,23,27,2,17,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,2,12,124,38,1,0.1025998729826949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175150459054734,0.4304413005322179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639595804853113,0.0,0.17133321668198545,0.06254393027265932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047659416688257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757401477808444,0.0,0.0,0.16383529989806786,0.0,0.0,0.0661684301981215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129649394502669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181746068413928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280745906642993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051877578561301534,0.07329736975926121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720839795973136,0.09842314716672652,0.05830987223106625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291603808395194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135115580194967,0.0,0.0,0.08363259030352681,0.0,0.0,0.11147506219887476,0.0,0.0,0.10025023083916057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607650577839822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984473452607722,0.0,0.1076613075390064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979431881795972,0.07112983339742135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335622348501689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487167516911796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693253942906506,0.0,0.0,0.1148521578288055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725966406224456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493178297875172,0.4483840562966689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681627966332458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792346094257387,0.0972526828993338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154819006872053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359695809439345,0.0,0.0,0.0746939294899915,0.0,0.0,0.1457680120654818,0.0,0.0,0.13214190866376924
suicidewatch,OatmealCum,2019/02/07,"I don’t want to be negative. I don’t want to be negative.
I don’t want to not have an answer for the group discussion: “Name one thing you like about yourself”. I don’t want to be mean to my mother or my father. I don’t want to not be grateful for my life, my car, my house, my food.  I don’t want to be an ungrateful brat when my parents have given up so much for me. I don’t want to not be happy I’m going to graduate valedictorian of my high school class. I don’t want to not care about my full-ride scholarship to my state school that I’m honestly not so in love with. I don’t want to be on the brink of crying everytime I don’t get a 100 on an assignment in school. I don’t want to insist I’m stupid and incapable of basic tasks because I truly believe I am useless. I don’t want to see an ugly monster in the mirror as cliche as that may sound. I don’t want to call myself fat like a metronome even though I’m borderline underweight. I don’t want to weigh myself every time I go to the bathroom. I don’t want to measure my waist down to the centimeter every chance I get. I don’t want to throw up and throw away all the food my mother so genuinely makes for me. I don’t want to waste my self-employed father’s hard-earned money on gas while I sit in parking lots for hours crying in the midst of night. I don’t want to cry helplessly over my friends not inviting me to get my favorite foods with them. I don’t want to ghost my friends when they’re a major source of stability in my life. I don’t want to be mean to my boyfriend who has only been caring to me. I don’t want to lash out at him for stupid things. I don’t want to get jealous.  I don’t want to have childish hopes of a romanticized future with my boyfriend when he lives 2000 miles away from me. I don’t want to keep fantasizing of him to love me like Gatsby does Daisy. I don’t want to be a parasite to him anymore. I don’t want to have my only hobbies be my boyfriend, counting calories, or being negative like it’s something to be proud of. I don’t want to google detergent-suicide recipes anymore. I dont to watch videos of souls jumping off the golden gate bridge into the blue of the sea anymore. I don’t want to drive mindlessly around town hoping to get hit by a kid running a red light while 20 mph over the speed limit anymore. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I dont want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be say anymore. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to anymore.",2.3507513661202206,3.1638134353369765,4.034516848816029,90.58281352459021,74.93806921675774,7.165774134790528,25.200409836065568,7.461004344511776,0.9670331147540984,1972,63,462,23,40,664,207,549,0.154,0.69,0.156,-0.9821,2,0,1,0,0,1,45.0,0,1,1,2,11,26,3,0,22,0,62,10,2,1,1,62,120,15,1,36,8,5,0,4,2,1,3,2,1,1,6,8,6,2,3,1,2,8,45,10,0,1,2,7,75,16,93,98,4,45,1,7,4,2,22,25,0,6,14,285,81,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43667135953079095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035633744087806764,0.0,0.0,0.07521596001537048,0.0,0.0,0.024400928492375448,0.0,0.0,0.04509827611385599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04087345070821207,0.0,0.08162320089958118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319078852253202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035029104473468034,0.0,0.09382592485172547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026438367012183668,0.0,0.06745127194317062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452074254197156,0.0,0.06185165310772087,0.0,0.10456588037373052,0.0,0.04549810082311923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042610954091424166,0.03585756547942515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229218044284635,0.0,0.07951442501140465,0.039419890509256664,0.046187375401163855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035579062716346886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654645616130845,0.07822337686123412,0.0,0.035345792277368816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034030696653976164,0.07225435026423603,0.0,0.02671925400939159,0.0,0.0,0.08720527956225375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02942546451115432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03756392237793367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027124265757478942,0.060886772413699775,0.0,0.0,0.044446778175300926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03183217384227187,0.0,0.12153257059971585,0.03189743581177296,0.0,0.04175832947689237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0308158019961786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043784550087281465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053186153132280325,0.0,0.03932767942880785,0.0,0.023340869870562168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8027323571988619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Icy_Zoroark,2019/02/07,"Do you feel guilty about having suicidal thoughts? Sometimes I just feel like I’m worthless and won’t amount to anything. I’ve thought about killing myself and about self harm. But I feel guilty and ashamed for doing so, because I know that there are people who care about me and I know that they’d be really upset if I ended it. Why am I like this? What can I do to stop this?  Does anyone else feel this way?",2.0867771084337328,4.229239771084341,2.388780120481929,96.415218373494,79.0,5.113855421686747,21.218373493975907,5.985473137389443,-0.025480722891565662,323,9,70,2,8,98,58,83,0.306,0.611,0.083,-0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,1,0,7,8,1,2,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,16,20,7,2,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,11,3,7,15,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468189741455733,0.2151435739967661,0.17279103023871253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279984379330273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408288249163607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375000181643647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540665773943676,0.0,0.18597498395157025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246774381236634,0.15000574464835326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23230554988309016,0.0,0.23079286453612785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20516575939339912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455698023072014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451496957025436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904908025959186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767003863346087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554799028904142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296779001062853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333924192022413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666789558700626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946922562480625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,woomy-jpg,2019/02/07,"I've been ghosted by several, and my family is clueless I'm 15 years old, and I want to kill myself. I've been ghosted by my closest friends because I'm too high maintainence. My family knows, but doesn't know how to handle it, I'm the only one in the family with the issue, this includes ALL of my family. I've currently got no friends or helpful family, and thinking about being dead makes me calm, and happy. I've not cut myself once, but I want to donut again, what do I do anons, can anyone here help?",5.1708974358974364,4.880900961538465,6.487307692307692,79.42435897435898,68.23076923076923,9.625641025641023,29.83333333333333,9.2995712137729,2.431402564102564,396,13,80,7,6,135,68,104,0.112,0.669,0.22,0.8984,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,1,17,18,8,4,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,10,4,9,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935369814768496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953357876702306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7371675227689264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165785615793145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508185606568986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664833726698277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096540087016974,0.1652379062571387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323377361153082,0.0,0.0,0.1730258035637783,0.0,0.17189912536849186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439361468323917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410825976385662,0.16655355698737512,0.10597601815742128,0.11894400675310215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667969766394687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021038938304457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448941541145106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071203465938232
suicidewatch,Deletedcamel,2019/02/07,"I feel so sad. I always feel sad. I don’t see a way out anymore. There are things that I love, but nothing is ever enough. I’m just a horrible person. Nothing is good enough for me and I’m not good enough for anything else. 
It hurts so much every day every time. It’s been like this for such a long time. I don’t know what to do, but I feel like suicide is the only way out. I don’t want to, but I’m afraid I might. ",-1.6797163120567369,0.18840404255319146,0.8969148936170228,102.5841666666667,93.6808510638298,3.5588652482269505,14.21631205673759,4.7782277997778095,-1.3840964539007097,316,6,82,1,12,107,54,94,0.254,0.642,0.104,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,15,20,6,1,1,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,4,9,5,7,18,4,9,0,3,1,1,2,2,0,1,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231045675616054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769685984346254,0.0,0.0,0.13085306479365194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254937953993133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283385554624766,0.0,0.0,0.4929047189387744,0.0,0.0,0.1438351690593705,0.2679483987281965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120325104734985,0.11359797668185508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26674290753741603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022529327343405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738866136551457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537015069737395,0.0,0.0,0.1407203338834465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351425033733933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868626513849505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689188165702892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30515199298568824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093554874491005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388428664869234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671172244907325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739329703790625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564029525131943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544197986391173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378920930721713,0.2524321419941625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gotogefust,2019/02/07,"Can I (MI) have my fiance committed for mental instability. If so, how? [https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ao8ffc/can\_i\_mi\_have\_my\_fiance\_committed\_for\_mental/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ao8ffc/can_i_mi_have_my_fiance_committed_for_mental/)

Original post. please go there.",51.59499999999999,66.16805994736842,26.630921052631574,-87.40730263157894,2.1578947368421098,10.321052631578947,25.802631578947373,8.841846274778883,4.486042105263159,285,4,13,4,4,65,19,19,0.0,0.6829999999999999,0.317,0.7152,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054988091649254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417182151158166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5900622116900829,0.0,0.0,0.5148188412888111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heyloo47,2019/02/07,"Its okay, im ok with not being ok It feels like it's about time it happened, the build up of events , one by one, everything that had to lead to this, this was meant to be, I was supposed to wait and suffer more, earlier it felt like my need to exit was a corner part of my identity, one whose impulses   would breakdown when encountering the big part of me that defined me, Like cancer , it ate through its way, it felt like it would go, it doesn't, or it subsides only to come out with greater force later, I'm sick of stealing good feelings from this desperate need of quitting, but now there's feelings of closure, some kind of peace and I'm getting there, I will be free soon. 

you only suffer when you live, suffering was supposed to be helpful, I'm grateful for everything , my parents, etc, and I'm a fucking selfish human for not being a good son , I don't wanna blame myself, I could only
apologize.. better hurt yourself than hurt anyone els 

Earlier thoughts of dying were accompanied by a euphoric feeling, like a sudden impulsive desire to just pass on and fake the feelings, now they are more realistic, with not an exaggerated sense of euphoria, but a sense of peace and contentment,

Depression has stages it's a life experience,not a momentary happening, you begin with some thoughts and find antidotes to save you from it, these antidotes only last until you're depressed again, find another set of thoughts, etc until there are none.
",6.872898351648352,7.1475944102564135,7.0570489926739945,74.85722184065936,64.6043956043956,10.19496336996337,35.377518315018314,9.978442167317967,3.528033150183149,1146,50,205,23,16,370,153,273,0.142,0.631,0.226,0.9722,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,4,1,3,11,25,1,0,12,3,20,5,0,1,0,44,46,13,1,7,7,2,7,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,20,12,1,1,13,0,1,4,6,11,0,3,13,7,15,15,39,24,10,27,0,7,0,1,11,6,1,3,19,141,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350014356880796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568463550611265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573038303234813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324005144982672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864216440696202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864556579080098,0.0,0.11233708613424544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414346913646899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456009252198928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27364955125103857,0.15465480771275272,0.20785670070693435,0.0,0.1978606563647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006707563506087,0.056551463668174776,0.0,0.06151586412492864,0.1815748584566514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914343469409996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255167177589987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174849383787435,0.0,0.1169188721339792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271636216841867,0.0,0.08823087523053387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645383106183919,0.2644054661257214,0.0,0.09557880068777368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051868452114135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004074235700846,0.32928868247646803,0.0,0.0,0.12018883942660386,0.2344289458437869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151276447591656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577938295237387,0.06311620720597391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859166807388685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537826251521725,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-suicidalqueen-,2019/02/07,"Everything fucking hurts I keep ruining everything with friends 

I’m constantly in mental anguish

No one even likes me anymore.

Maybe if I just put a gun to my head. Maybe if I just fucking could pull the trigger and let go of all of the people I love and the pain and the sorrow and all of the hurt I constantly feel inside and the tears I constantly hold back everyone would be so much happier. Because I love people but they don’t love me. I ruin everything and anything in my path and I don’t wanna do that anymore. I just want to let go. ",1.939,4.1718869000000005,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.0,7.2727272727272725,26.363636363636363,8.296473431620573,1.946,429,18,86,9,11,143,64,110,0.189,0.6559999999999999,0.155,-0.2591,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,14,2,1,7,0,8,7,1,1,2,24,19,11,0,6,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,9,0,1,0,1,15,5,9,14,3,10,0,5,0,5,5,2,2,2,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559490790514781,0.0,0.0,0.1061901976305809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922498391828767,0.0,0.07866252896192631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183442064106225,0.0,0.10302917459003548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523072437394262,0.0,0.0,0.12330472753419428,0.3479226637580487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524728312184266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969717864321036,0.2385936605883939,0.0,0.0,0.14667456915951324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324338550880796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27628328863270896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469805553658954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263907448041832,0.0,0.06304318142821091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493951012188913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927915543249364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004352787031315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486038431078883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744189145857209,0.0,0.13730930346954104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892232084837748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297223956410236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611204741482269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916674121760132,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trappdinhere,2019/02/07,"Back and forth My life is like a yoyo ups and downs I feel good for awhile and the reality eventually sinks in. Social anxiety and depression keeps me from everything I want to do. I made a ultimatum that if shit works out I'm going to keep living if not I'll take the leap from a tower. I'm 18 so pretty young, but my heads heavy like a sack of rocks. I applied to 13 jobs Friday and called them all back today and yesterday. No-one is hiring apparently a few will ""get back to me"" for most that's nothing to me that shit leaves me more exhausted than any physical work I've done. 

Everything fell apart not long ago again.. yeah I think life is just a sick joke for some of us. Try all you want that shit will tear your back down. It's a ever growing cluster fuck of evolving humans breeding to make the master race. One part of me wants to compete and the other thinks I shouldn't put myself through more bullshit. I'm not afraid of death and I have a way I Just wanted to experience life before I die.",2.6335976129582264,4.209333826086958,3.923074737141235,88.62370843989773,75.47342995169082,7.189428815004263,22.321398124467176,7.928766900206844,0.8813406649616367,790,21,172,12,17,259,132,207,0.17600000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.112,-0.9702,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,2,1,4,9,11,4,1,12,1,9,10,4,2,3,34,27,12,2,7,8,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,2,3,2,0,4,4,7,0,1,2,1,21,4,25,22,8,22,0,1,0,1,7,6,4,4,13,105,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873403564601894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341557348669505,0.0,0.09383745231691967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37728348632175296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437783811956396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525342915741008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565012987754133,0.0,0.127305632591777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255276300287739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095640734278156,0.0,0.0,0.22048458356866632,0.11998870952269967,0.0,0.0,0.06202249039794069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134006836362757,0.06408675980490118,0.0,0.06971265025955216,0.10288455493212104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588842190140093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172486959965788,0.21805839899559304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988322673351904,0.0,0.0,0.2599231561630801,0.11985464919620145,0.0,0.1083143608458892,0.10855358108793987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606743002284048,0.08187902247587278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176992006079053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312014866947763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283291509271614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479315784740287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331097408329958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777378076895794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504027144882682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222789328906784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719598846168964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627091623349993,0.0,0.0,0.08328065152968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754941842746291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894010909933581,0.09736479526072644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860137859376715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PKMNMasterBryan,2019/02/07,Feeling suicidal I’ve lost my dream job. I pushed away the people I love. I’m at the lowest point that I’ve ever experienced and I’m trying so hard to not end it all. ,1.4126126126126124,2.6180781891891907,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,77.91891891891892,7.095495495495496,20.44144144144144,7.793537801064563,0.6333495495495494,131,3,30,2,3,47,29,37,0.262,0.5589999999999999,0.179,-0.5524,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,5,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,3,4,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037682321736759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863640915255997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924599572831342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634794720447066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28962973479327875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32084357285858905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35294017139198997,0.0,0.2918074334508171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241482338405165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30564034583171784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35365779746254145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951193601321128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corsignum,2019/02/07,"A never ending cycle. I thought I was okay, then I was suicidal. I cut and ended up in the hospital and left with a diagnosis of BPD. I thought I was broken, and then I was okay. I got into college. I really thought I was okay. But now I'm suicidal. I have a personality disorder. My personality is forever flawed, and there's no getting around it. I'm fat and ugly and unlikeable. I got rejected the other day and I haven't stopped crying over it. I hate my family. I hate living here. I hate living in general. I hate my life and I want it to be over. I'd do anything to just pass in my sleep. Close my eyes and never wake up.",-0.5646969696969713,1.6349319242424232,3.182121212121213,85.3098484848485,93.3939393939394,6.872727272727272,20.96969696969697,7.984000788550335,1.4490878787878785,482,18,104,13,18,178,71,132,0.29,0.63,0.08,-0.9864,0,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,5,0,5,3,10,5,4,0,2,23,23,12,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,13,1,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,10,1,23,3,13,12,0,21,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,9,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456989151319995,0.1239393122577167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534836974613366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293156336973496,0.08978827746345516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956332590584735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24662314595919116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124845729372595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273904907218247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270108404116049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5498214354653143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126781434891354,0.0,0.09833837373325334,0.0,0.0,0.2458755484838437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147570172214613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313090680563446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919077251449037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932503497083326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639790662160016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30457798719995355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331586077528633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211821062335528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justarandomperson53,2019/02/07,"Any reasons to live besides ""it will make your family sad"" Sick of people saying don't commit because it will make people sad. That's a really stupid reason and I don't care at all. That doesn't take the temptation away. I can't care about people's feelings if I'm dead. I haven't stayed alive up to this point for other people. I just need one god damn reason at this point. ",2.136043956043956,4.007973410256412,3.4300732600732613,90.31730769230772,77.71794871794873,5.995604395604397,17.553113553113555,6.868970318607317,-0.035504029304029405,298,5,62,3,7,97,54,78,0.345,0.631,0.025,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,5,2,12,15,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,2,5,2,9,13,1,7,0,2,0,0,2,6,1,1,0,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643140834176095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086121273330425,0.0,0.0,0.10437048063469613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491282190959904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614053453375009,0.0,0.08657095556679714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118512107257862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285733826917379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695303026983967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160190545558912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747929889785016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237051902294164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968408875391758,0.5281096008046394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615626489800367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249137015406375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873163913154154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Khyber789,2019/02/07,"I dont want to get any older I’m 21 now, in my final year of university and I think this is the perfect age for me to die. I’ve experienced enough of life at this point to know that I don’t want to live any longer. Life will go downhill from here",0.3185714285714241,1.7169637142857148,2.6851428571428606,95.75985714285716,81.5,5.908571428571428,18.34285714285714,6.742157984588678,-0.3045028571428574,192,4,50,2,5,66,43,56,0.115,0.818,0.067,-0.16399999999999998,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,11,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,10,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722108115740533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840268959638064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32073992779541344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827749066530533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997927866862045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298160332098184,0.0,0.15553331977166576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040221534116513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866033038294329,0.0,0.0,0.2416561708468247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587071935357003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535708260413593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228360438181113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762349062779318
suicidewatch,PapaFattyWhack,2019/02/07,"I dont know I dont think I could ever actually do it but, recently the thought has been occurring more and more. I keep convincing myself that no one will actually miss me. That everyone would be better off in the end without me. I was looking at some other people's posts and their reasons and my life isnt even that bad. I dont even know if I know the reasons why. I think it's because of just so many things going on. I just want to escape away from all of my responsibilities. I have a job, a family, going to college, a girlfriend but it all feels like too much to juggle. I'm getting so burnt out and it feels like I cant talk to any of them about it. I dont want to be a burden. I'm worried that I'm just being narcissistic by posting here. That I'm just caught up on my self. I dont know, shit just sucks I guess.",0.16258131283264274,2.1490076235955047,2.846830277942047,91.33841218214077,85.12359550561797,5.769840331164992,20.042578356002366,7.0608816371341465,0.33533258426966306,639,19,148,9,19,223,100,178,0.084,0.762,0.154,0.9068,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,13,9,2,0,7,0,18,2,1,2,3,35,42,9,0,5,9,0,2,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,1,11,0,0,3,9,5,0,1,4,3,22,4,20,32,6,16,0,1,1,0,5,8,2,3,5,106,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.21385046571457414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451185802270947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029453135992493,0.0,0.09148698803540699,0.06679330384793668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690641208339017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748331708131543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6420804344999826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704715004172074,0.0,0.0,0.14474087587608328,0.09911300402381036,0.0,0.10469953408267334,0.0,0.0,0.10329353863514697,0.0,0.11080451300819366,0.1565547118079036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724618734989501,0.0,0.12454314899255765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070451914534815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087320487329528,0.09739150489213227,0.0,0.0,0.2408688445864175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739305143831884,0.10706145424623206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201182239450488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108752879821278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054709854890743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424796662789214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596255230611795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987695444728965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531393178766002,0.10818788338131484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143061744475771,0.0,0.11247278623523384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806880736992502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279392847238028,0.1404170070935871,0.0,0.08698692544992417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925531829589226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988705468703656,0.0,0.0,0.105622279749609,0.0,0.0,0.1112744013998645,0.0,0.07783590732749007,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LarryAlthower,2019/02/07,"It is hard to live with myself I've hurt so many people. I was an asshole who didn't realize how my actions hurt others. I've changed, I work everyday and strive to help others, I've been to therapy, I've done the work but sometimes I think about my past and become so depressed I want to die. I don't want to commit suicide but knowing I've harmed so many, I feel valueless and unworthy as a human being.",2.373193277310925,3.898506117647063,4.2774789915966425,86.02294117647061,76.05882352941177,7.2100840336134455,26.26050420168067,7.957251820313856,1.5855210084033624,320,12,66,5,7,109,55,85,0.342,0.601,0.057,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,12,10,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,2,9,0,8,7,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,40,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963044459654169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103724912201641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712818805226537,0.0,0.20639016891621303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350763935455266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055197094760768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814371623694064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329482104500553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257775631826353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929084206726444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560117942871514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40323519918483575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983886460146784,0.1378677482572588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668227993105414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752571213420333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274191233972651,0.0,0.0,0.12742447427913264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345911128935924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895517499593894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_bush,2019/02/07,Wish I could press a button to die instantly Killing yourself is so much work,5.852,6.922084866666669,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,67.0,8.666666666666668,35.0,8.841846274778883,2.9010000000000002,63,3,12,1,1,19,15,15,0.395,0.476,0.129,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457885756777221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494809307128359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791519287350329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31837231841942204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980342169766698,0.0,0.0,0.3152960016087591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReasonableAdagio,2019/02/07,"I was better I thought I was better from my depression for 3 months, but it came all suddenly again. I have ruined my last years, I thought the medication was helping finally. I'm tired, I have been almost 5 years like this, but now I feel a horrible sadness so hurtful.",2.7100000000000013,4.927347169811323,4.3515471698113215,82.74392452830193,77.30188679245283,8.013584905660379,29.467924528301893,8.841846274778883,2.6403388679245285,212,10,41,5,5,71,38,53,0.366,0.488,0.145,-0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,11,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,7,1,9,3,2,4,1,9,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408307287421931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42541374760888667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27507331992173645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714635646742327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160640900168244,0.0,0.0,0.2634611567741376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120523917180027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574652689757102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604344042972355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749845416873468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422831954719461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196856697442932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38186775418723656,0.0,0.2764247873545466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30975429919576675
suicidewatch,Captain-Fuzzy-Socks,2019/02/07,"User threatening suicide I don't know how to help beyond what I've already said. They are planning to take their life tomorrow. I'm not sure what the next step should be to helping them. I don't know their location so I can't call local health services.

​

[https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ao6z70/this\_time\_its\_going\_to\_work/](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ao6z70/this_time_its_going_to_work/)",16.214393530997306,22.55980488679245,7.8458760107816765,52.29716981132077,56.73584905660378,6.047439353099732,26.439353099730464,7.447530270364453,1.830565498652292,381,10,40,4,7,92,41,53,0.18,0.73,0.08900000000000001,-0.7151,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,6,11,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,23,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278439325987562,0.0,0.0,0.2733865837686835,0.30659414030954385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25764501718806354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820236868193337,0.0,0.0,0.3382470420255669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773348863813245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821975410895868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26834318915899097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400123178014322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27599507661688005,0.0,0.23780684740130498,0.0,0.18971182914136606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30659414030954385,0.0
suicidewatch,GallifreysTimeLord,2019/02/07,I've set things in motion. I've made preparations. I've deleted most of my social media. I've said my goodbyes without being too revealing. I've made sure people think I'm happy in most regards. Now comes the hard part. Actually going through with it. I'm admittedly scared. I think it's the right choice for me. I gave this world a fair shake. I tried. I really made an attempt to turn things around. I failed. I lost the one thing that made me happy. I lost my battle. I just need to man up and get on with it. ,-0.38834905660377217,1.8658381603773613,1.6880896226415096,94.7596816037736,96.64150943396228,4.536792452830189,16.058962264150942,6.322622252153567,-0.31484716981132044,399,10,87,5,16,132,69,106,0.155,0.732,0.113,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,4,9,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,19,19,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,6,0,1,8,2,13,3,13,10,3,13,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,2,1,48,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.1482411738285622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523112805954873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308560669029791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936613073627621,0.0,0.08633332893276939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234196987707896,0.13608053695685204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316530194729161,0.0,0.0,0.5749594988705831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263852493785655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293740245572476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450253589701586,0.0,0.1053145045370368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731673155130133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972937106591692,0.1445001512250019,0.0,0.15208731018699173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485199378652467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431723410140097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027645706062904,0.19467417933828035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313617192114746,0.16523326207522596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643475926238048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clarkwayne87,2019/02/07,"""I WANTED TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT"" - A LESSON IN SUICIDE https://www.ataboolife.com/journal/2018/11/8/a-lesson-in-suicide 


There is no easy way to write this article. There is no great, clever opening line for me to grab your attention. Only the difficult truth will suffice. I’ve suffered from anxiety for a good part of my life. The depression didn’t rear its ugly head until the past five years. The heavy weight of sadness and hopelessness shifts daily with some days being unnoticeable while others feel like your swimming with a cement brick tied around my neck. 

There have been two times in my life where I wanted to kill myself. The first was when I resigned as a police officer, a job I loved and had a purpose in. I left after one of the most challenging years in my life where I was a victim of corruption. A year of fear, paranoia and betrayal from a corrupt police department made me speak out publicly against the city I worked for. I was advised by the people closest to me not to do it. Not to speak out because of the repercussions of becoming a whistleblower. But I couldn’t look the other way. Too many people looked the other way when they could have stopped the corruption. In my heart, I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do it.

I did it, and I felt proud of it, at first. But then an overwhelming flood of guilt, shame and sadness overwhelmed me within a few weeks. I told myself I committed career suicide and I was a person who would never find peace.

I went on a soul-searching road trip across the U.S., and I took my Glock 30 with me. I initially brought it for protection, but the lonely drive made the thoughts darker and made suicide appealing. I planned to blow my brains out when I got to the Grand Canyon. I was to find a moment of privacy, somewhere near the middle of the canyon overlooking the Colorado River and shoot myself in a place I found majestic and peaceful. A.45 caliber through my brain was better then a life of feeling constant dread and hopelessness.

I changed my mind the day before hiking into the Grand Canyon. I know not why, but I decided to leave the gun in the car. Less than a year later I found myself back on my feet and entered a better part of my life. 

The other time was recent. I’ve failed at two ill-fated businesses, and I was recently laid off by a prestigious company in an undignified way. I blamed myself, and my depression came back stronger than ever. I’ve found marijuana has been good at keeping it at bay, but I stopped using it because of the drug tests most jobs make you take. 

I found myself again with the terrible barrage of soul-crushing thoughts, overwhelming despair and shame as the uncertainty of income grew worse by the day. “I’m a loser.” “No woman will ever love a man like you.” “Why keep going after a dream when it won’t come true in the end?” “Go ahead and jack off again, you fat fuck.”  “Your friends are not too busy for you, they don’t like you anymore.” “You will always be broke, and this will never end.” “You’re going to die alone and filled with regret.” “You should just settle.” “You’re a loser.”

My heart raced daily with the dread that all of my life will amount to this; being unemployed, depressed and without someone to love. That all of my choices were in vain and I’m nothing but a fraud and a failure and I’m destined to a life of mediocracy. But, there is something inside of me who wants to keep fighting; who yearns to become something more than who he is. 

I finally relented and decided to smoke again because my health is more important than a job. In my stoned hazed I was given a vision and an epiphany. I found myself standing on a trail in a lushest and vast forest. Behind me on this trail was my life with my younger selves at each juncture. The versions of myself who I mocked and felt ashamed of until I realized that those boys and men did fantastic things and made great sacrifices for me to stand on the path. 

There was the boy who did not want to be made fun of any more for being an obese child, so he began to run and lift weights, which led to participating in sports in school, to discipline and a healthy body to weather the storms of life. 

There was the college boy who was extremely insecure of himself and thought he would never have friends and wouldn’t make an impression. Neither ended up being right. He became charismatic and a go-getter. He became the one who wasn’t afraid of failure.

There was the young cop who was afraid of not amounting to the job but ended up performing one of the bravest acts anyone in uniform could do.

There was the lost soul who went looking for his adventure and found it. He found love for the first time and heartbreak with it. But he created a unique life worth living. 

The entrepreneurial man who wanted to define who he is and not let the world do it for him, who failed but at least failed by daring to become something better. 

And now I’m the man standing on the precipice of a trail which hasn’t yet to be blazed.

During this pot induced vision is when I realize this is the moment in my life when I become my own hero. My darkest and difficult moment is when I know in my heart that I still have a chance. This is the version of myself who is going to make things better for my future self. The one who is going to make the sacrifices and risks my past selves’ made matter. This is the one who is going to make the sacrifice, take the hits and keep getting up when I want to end it all. The future is undetermined and malleable, and I will make it better for myself. I will become my own hero. 

I will not go gentle into that good night. I will not accept mediocracy nor settle for what life has given me. I am going to rage forth. Not for money, not for fame but my glory. I am worthy of this challenge. I am worthy of living my wildest dreams. I will not accept anything less. And if I fail, then I failed while being bold and not some timid soul. 

I wish I could end this with a happy note, that this was written after I’ve overcome the adversity. But, I’m still fighting it and don’t know how long it will last. But, I choose to fight this battle each day. I choose not to kill myself but to dare greatly. To believe that there is a better future for myself and I’m worth the bloody fight. My fate will not be decided by the uncontrolled or the malicious, but it will be forged by my sheer will. I will suffer this bravely. This is the moment when I become my own hero.

 

“Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

-Dylan Thomas 


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suicidewatch,_sophia_xxx,2019/02/07,Help I’ve attempted in the past and been trying to get better but I’m having a mental breakdown and really want to hurt myself I don’t know why to do I have no one ,-0.256351351351352,1.659507081081081,3.006689189189192,89.98138513513516,86.2972972972973,5.8621621621621625,14.655405405405405,7.1686216300943375,-0.14434594594594552,130,2,29,2,4,47,30,37,0.197,0.6579999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.6256,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32573551141420315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242396568025932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468668270332991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39427771919727417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241059024966454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37116443646533337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24957274612735866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515884397034827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594537415924965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500546646540395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172356106419844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323376385136082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymousletteeeurrs,2019/02/07,"Need advice and a friend I’m at an all time low right now.
For reasons known and unknown, I’m ready to march towards my local park and jump off of the bride and onto the train tracks. (Fairly high) 
On the other hand, my heads also telling me to walk to the hospital. I am conflicted and it may result in me just laying down crying myself to sleep again. I want to be gone so badly. I don’t know, I’ve wanted to die for so long.
Can anyone dm and talk or anything? I’m so fucked",0.7091176470588252,2.569707950980394,2.6174117647058845,94.46435294117649,82.23529411764707,4.864313725490196,17.062745098039215,5.6839178017228535,-0.5609325490196082,369,7,83,2,10,123,76,102,0.166,0.7440000000000001,0.09,-0.8887,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,6,0,5,4,3,2,1,18,14,11,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,8,1,16,11,1,19,0,1,0,1,3,11,1,2,5,52,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375134736079647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943734021963297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995181145964736,0.0,0.20001603174212965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029432851980631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669878100548799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522558397083315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778601502817494,0.2247032129827012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494476397452489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568041316012378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133578325377022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509868961173906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022443409458144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499041147806905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757021186756455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432335428543967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536082097500945,0.21244341331472108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172907982428448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28672382256302564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HobgoblinV,2019/02/07,"10 days to go Somehow I need to find the strength to make it another 10 days. Why 10 days? Because I am coming into some money next week, which I want to give to people. Except, that will be Friday and I don't want to ruin everyone's weekend. So I'm stuck waiting until Sunday night, when I can email everyone money and good-bye letters after they have gone to bed, so they can't stop me.

It sucks. I want to be honest with everyone, but I can't because they will try to stop me. I want to say goodbye in person to the people I can, but I just can't.

Nobody knows I am planning this. Again, because they will try to stop me. I don't like denying them the opportunity to feel like they tried to help. I don't like the idea of them waking up Monday morning with ""surprise! I'm already dead!"". I don't know what else to do though.

I wish I didn't care. I am trying to withdraw from people, hoping that softens the blow. I know it won't. I have such long, descriptive letters written for them, loaded with love and kindness and explanations. I know they won't help.

I feel so helpless. My existence is hard on people, but my exit may be even harder. I just want to go away. I don't want to hurt anybody.",1.3112349397590355,3.261071534136548,3.2417921686747,90.2995557228916,80.64658634538152,5.435140562248996,22.021586345381518,6.42735559955562,0.4048405622489959,928,29,197,8,24,312,126,249,0.081,0.7070000000000001,0.212,0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,9,3,11,15,1,0,5,0,27,2,1,1,0,40,56,13,1,9,6,0,3,3,0,6,0,1,1,1,8,9,0,4,8,1,2,4,11,4,0,0,4,4,37,11,32,43,1,27,0,3,0,1,18,6,1,4,20,128,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011758981175667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413767825106623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226722847456007,0.0,0.0,0.19906003954037585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097882063217153,0.0,0.0,0.0937637844135544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059582079574715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092938109012136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189374486948619,0.0,0.0,0.3120296825233283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100746605322298,0.07776175486508274,0.0,0.0,0.099486023649871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104417889320809,0.12372280221074528,0.09129738571847794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750733330204132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459183946267777,0.0,0.0,0.10811162774500074,0.0,0.0,0.11652511703124314,0.12287728373082693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133494943203334,0.2392822781386145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953438509362972,0.0,0.0,0.0963279490322562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982404817440808,0.0,0.07265755974901772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071016208033004,0.0,0.0,0.11576215755391593,0.10214742273952908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30184879410604404,0.09504275748465944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656110204547783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730079401941935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694360018002194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956053324275359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852117995145257,0.0,0.08731211056864273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982193016144264,0.0,0.12517099023638614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adudeallday,2019/02/07,"The girl I'm in love is wants distance from me My (18M) friend (18F) who i am seriously in love with, who was the first person i ever opened up to about my suicidal thoughts etc, who I have called and texted whenever I'm feeling really down or whenever i need someone to talk to, who sadly also has a lot of personal issues to deal with right now, has decided and told me, she needs distance from me. I am so heartbroken and seriously have no idea what to do. I attempted suicide last week, and since then she's started acting this way. I can't believe I'm this toxic. I hate myself so much and just want to die because i don't see the point when one of my 3 friends doesn't want to be with me anymore. I can't risk another failed attempt. I really want to guarantee a successful suicide so I can just be free of all this pain. ",4.9146511627906975,4.631002093023259,6.2796279069767476,80.67583720930234,68.76744186046511,10.135813953488373,31.734883720930227,9.888512548439397,2.8183981395348834,648,25,139,14,10,221,105,172,0.197,0.63,0.173,-0.8716,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,5,10,13,1,1,5,0,16,3,0,0,2,25,33,12,4,6,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,7,0,2,3,2,22,7,21,28,4,17,0,2,1,2,17,7,0,2,8,95,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888589339681676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427740461990048,0.0,0.0,0.13503263289137216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300095030610646,0.0,0.0,0.15340398935175215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903303934239494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037342208841316,0.0,0.0,0.14131101354835748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185270562255873,0.0,0.1231631473178481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884582247064211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158163400553196,0.0,0.0,0.21039141963588048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442831759513826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370635931110171,0.0,0.14211408604157946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098734028213858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575707714325108,0.2457767022085164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009215503367327,0.20191958669841892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922645150544009,0.0,0.14488223076781154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377766791111123,0.0,0.0,0.12871378116049792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445322747719638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627860451265533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850068617398954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263170802343064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536664475161185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637367837656063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468058582818161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943903479712387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809463015914547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010526991227608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212392150896347,0.10807626985634472,0.10921812585532913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatloser123,2019/02/07,Getting out today and have nothing to go to This is my second time getting out of the hospital. I have borderline personality disorder and can not afford the meds or consulting. The gf parents are so controlling that they are try to force us apart. And I can’t go back home to mine. It’s a bad environment with lost of psychological and physical abuse.  I use to live with my gf and now Ive been kicked out and have no where to go. Lucky I’m able to still be with her   We have an unbreakable bond. But her over protective and very controlling parents get in the way. I feel lost even after 2 weeks of inpatient   My job doesn’t pay enough and I have no benefits   I feel like my life is fucked no matter what I do. I swear I was born with a curse to never find happiness. And even now I think the best thing for me is death,1.7994156804733734,3.804092828402368,3.5412093195266263,88.4868435650888,79.29585798816568,7.775295857988168,22.396819526627226,8.660442795831766,1.3764937869822482,644,20,143,15,16,215,107,169,0.211,0.7170000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9742,4,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,2,0,1,5,8,9,1,0,8,0,18,2,0,3,1,30,32,12,1,0,3,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,5,17,0,3,4,0,1,3,7,4,0,1,4,2,22,5,22,27,2,21,0,2,0,1,11,7,1,2,11,101,27,3,0.14475136829261104,0.17150670150783698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113048672482863,0.12086134625563735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190763057335885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247019359976762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589760873376086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956685792604366,0.0,0.19121382714920315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463812822014388,0.10341040643093227,0.0,0.0,0.1323001282273024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382030749404505,0.2268798466214573,0.0,0.2467966151918466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540905231882407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519742470265207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436433975278786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022421722316065,0.07071820687373646,0.0,0.12781811017037956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160264355063895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078613831299424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164117886605768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889284184275186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214585286388687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639131147255528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559862970144424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616637713554947,0.09275083199782606,0.0,0.0,0.08440568691108978,0.0,0.13720737180815387,0.0,0.0,0.09827667734132034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411807329011855,0.125018706451663,0.0,0.11943503843105455,0.0,0.11489689852907715,0.11611081637639475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unendingloom,2019/02/07,I’m tired of suffering Only reason I don’t commit suicide is not to hurt my family but i’m tired. But actually they don’t give a fuck about my mental situation or how i’m feeling. I’m just tired of living for my family. I would love to end this pain forever. ,0.4786309523809536,2.553584839285712,4.275000000000002,81.03666666666669,84.53571428571429,8.019047619047619,20.047619047619047,8.841846274778883,1.6374976190476191,205,6,43,6,6,77,38,56,0.343,0.503,0.154,-0.9379,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,2,1,10,12,4,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,6,11,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.1821579506874627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532963734811998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519419843985369,0.0,0.09438334842550357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256863061545627,0.0,0.17906591729594218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998285648650661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482846776405347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847230003904462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881142480453188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196701725193095,0.19862454360326326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919225377351039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981909370880966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418103082798664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6436312995140483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260134198256812,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beingalonehurts,2019/02/07,"No other way out so I guess after work I can't do it anymore. Wanted to do it with a gun but I don't have one. Going to drink until I'm brave enough to do it another way. Too bad I'm not a man, I'd be strong enough to decisively hang or shoot myself. Instead I have to hope I do this right the first time so no one can say it was a cry for help. Wanted to video or Livestream it, maybe encouragement from others will help. Would be nice not to die alone",-0.8998844884488442,1.0595968910891074,1.5954702970297028,98.61485561056108,89.990099009901,4.554785478547855,14.357260726072607,5.985473137389443,-0.971594719471948,350,6,88,3,12,119,65,101,0.152,0.58,0.268,0.9488,0,1,1,2,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,4,0,14,1,0,0,0,13,21,6,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,8,2,1,0,1,2,0,2,6,1,0,3,1,1,6,5,13,16,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,4,61,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034908707883796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060232182134779,0.0,0.0,0.1948523441952683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405005038177162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158207089634712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039120593364813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247261611284125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060264317478803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712319735370645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166238120674772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164415166825509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633887224464562,0.0,0.0,0.1951459484336805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738750936013166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662757388260676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677902458383677,0.0,0.1562463604374922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456729234990184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317743969267697,0.3119085228876513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303756309892451,0.0,0.0,0.13957159146657927,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mylifeis_notmine,2019/02/07,"Thank you. I feel better. 
It has been a long time..
Thank you so much.
There is always hope. You gotta remember: that life is a fluid and there's always the chance that something god or even great is waiting just around the next corner. ",0.9258156028368808,3.4410875744680887,1.5245744680851097,98.0841666666667,88.14893617021278,3.9843971631205686,14.21631205673759,5.46131890053228,-1.0390964539007093,184,3,39,1,6,56,37,47,0.0,0.648,0.35200000000000004,0.9517,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,11,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186917612538282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397148519286147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225139349546721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617508143970042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272131929669043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27738263435998745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498890352382957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777078734363891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226522600041726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849501128147859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675724570208342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28500630027779833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368890688236606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4632668380020532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467061467838274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eroticfap,2019/02/07,"Procrastinating and ruining my life successfully. I don't feel like living anymore.
I use to be a very excellent kid during my school days, everything was going perfectly. The moment i have chosen engineering, life started ruining. I know i can do better, its just that i am not able to, i make accuses to myself for no reason. Day by day its getting worse. The bright school kid got grade F in first semester. My friends are doing various productive things which makes me more suicidal. Why is this happening to me is the only question i put to myself every night.
Can't tell my folks coz they will not understand. They lost all hopes on me.
Its good for me to be dead now.",3.516067708333331,5.9094555546875025,4.979375000000001,78.36145833333336,75.484375,8.954166666666666,26.291666666666664,9.516144504307137,2.7245604166666664,533,20,97,15,12,178,93,128,0.153,0.6609999999999999,0.187,0.7229,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,6,2,12,0,0,4,0,14,2,0,5,2,16,27,1,2,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,3,2,20,9,11,21,3,12,0,3,1,0,7,2,0,2,9,66,27,6,0.16607870854893553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470545220031055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688312146843824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32132108299591866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992847486844318,0.0,0.14926083442683669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397438514919105,0.1186466625714546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126646465037698,0.0,0.0,0.1283119982488585,0.0,0.08676927057090814,0.0,0.09438635735370048,0.13929894117989006,0.13282831480534105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686285348646586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495363098951282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127251488504244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461260675806436,0.08113766803740903,0.0,0.14665054235170086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129452900965698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171765515744285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585361749291768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631034164469349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695497333877982,0.18604616247281405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707565727581547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336161039141214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755136471335832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816631514873777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451601114871634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033531433165183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728937926796778,0.0,0.14343868080043928,0.0,0.1370323277222835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986020257476831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924839251237886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,feeling__extreme,2019/02/07,"Might do something that I'll regret I really fucked up. Really really really bad. I just failed an exam so hard I don't think I'll graduate on time. I'm a senior and I've been working so hard for years and years and I want to be done but I think I just added another year of this to my life. I really don't see a reason to go on. This is the final straw. I made one stupid oversight and I can't face my professors, my classmates, my friends, my family... it's just so humiliating. I almost tried to hurt myself in the bathroom during the test I was panicking so much. I just don't see why I shouldn't go jump off a building on my way home. I really don't want to be alive and after years of struggling, I feel ready to actually finish what I started. Please help. ",0.9315740740740744,2.8727445493827166,3.5822067901234576,87.41368055555559,81.90123456790123,7.2598765432098755,19.384259259259263,8.278499904357787,0.9273444444444444,595,15,131,13,16,209,92,162,0.196,0.684,0.119,-0.9155,0,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,2,1,7,0,14,3,1,2,0,21,27,10,0,4,5,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,4,5,23,1,16,19,1,20,0,3,2,1,2,6,1,2,10,81,28,7,0.0,0.0,0.1335102931195004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699901166220707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346094037104626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423360289081648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000776640169135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897564262436914,0.0,0.06917704369385076,0.0,0.0,0.14987256102221416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570181244598363,0.12648192609627387,0.0,0.0,0.1555085912248147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451161429412238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170324134570083,0.0,0.137235149765497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646173921092706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663545925341728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945629281583299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513756033596026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057370416525613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270840495851387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018019796173104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258775960532472,0.1406671197855965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180453784678523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532575798094666,0.0,0.0,0.0968373377024495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302723205659754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753292022384419,0.0,0.0,0.079777083567595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928874224939692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139235774189686,0.1085962310248951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345295250529073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960189675947964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524137726906683
suicidewatch,Canti_Atomsk,2019/02/07,I don’t know what to do I promised my family I would stop cutting in November and I haven’t but my depression and anxiety make me less than human to the point where I can barely communicate. Last night my girlfriend if 3 years who I live with got extremely drunk and we fought about how I’m not mentally there enough. I asked her this morning and she said she doesn’t remember saying any of those things but there’s so much shit she piled on that just validated my own negative thoughts of myself that I don’t know where to go for me. Inwanted to jump off our roof but instead I took a bunch of klonoopin before work and now I just feel numb which is better than everhthing I felt before. I just don’t know where to go from here because i can’t keep snorting k-pin and oxybbx,2.2656603773584902,4.372644245283023,3.3125534591194987,90.1929811320755,78.24528301886792,7.258867924528303,23.17861635220126,8.238735603445708,1.253860880503145,621,20,133,12,15,199,108,159,0.18600000000000005,0.765,0.049,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,2,14,7,3,0,2,0,10,3,1,2,0,28,26,12,0,2,8,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,8,8,1,2,7,1,0,4,8,5,0,0,6,5,26,2,17,19,5,16,0,1,0,0,13,7,1,1,5,93,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663792501370716,0.0,0.14245997184066375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409322810789338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351972194190604,0.0,0.3169238616812131,0.0,0.0,0.1646989790943549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039346929928527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241798631828733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555433117895758,0.0,0.09415986919313786,0.0,0.17880314128057484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116694762635441,0.0,0.1489394262904744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552342701940126,0.0,0.0,0.3070296274477853,0.15179647897324308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443818981712302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430519955783907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187668834437394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689522307978685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475753124405985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604078740717846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095418900741952,0.0,0.17714057657626994,0.14809188611450794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911550811818332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556906425334615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371818794974727,0.0,0.0,0.14784014296010525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069004402726006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557245394536413,0.0,0.0,0.1322873708572449,0.0,0.0,0.11992141094258432
suicidewatch,SpaceCadet678,2019/02/07,"Tainted soul In December, I was dumped by my long-distance girlfriend, who I loved very much and dreamed of settling down with. Although I still believe the distance accelerated the issues we had, and perhaps things would have been different if we were physically closer, the most painful part was when she said “I don’t think it’s the distance, I think it’s you”. 

This destroyed me. I felt like I’d been knifed. I felt physically cold, and I reverted to an infant, pleading with her like a baby being abandoned by its mother. I had constant images of the baby from Eraserhead in my mind, and would occasionally physically vomit when I thought long and hard about the feeling of abandonment. During one of our last FaceTime conversations, during the breakup, I started verbally abusing myself and beat myself up physically, slamming my head against a wall repeatedly in an effort to cause concussion. At that moment, I truly believed I was deserving of death for losing her. “If I were another person, I’d lynch him”. 

I have to live with the fact that I was so drunk in our final, four-hour long phone conversation, that I can only remember a handful of sentences. She tried to keep it real, saying she’d be up for meeting me for a meal when she’s next in my country, but I was in full toddler mode, saying I wanted to forget every second of our relationship and never speak to her again. I was weeping uncontrollably the whole time, I was and am suicidal to this day. 

I later discovered from her Spotify playlists that she’d been moving on to someone else for about six weeks before the eventual split. Initially, I was bitter and angry, but realised she was unbelievably patient with me, to a fault, and I gave nothing back. I was basically a narcissist, albeit with some awareness of the “line” you cross when you become abusive (I was always terrified of expressing anger around her in case I crossed that line and so would run from arguments). 

She tried everything, she gave love and spoiled me, but like a child, I didn’t appreciate her, and was totally self-absorbed. I would shut her down during arguments, because I feel nauseous and lose my appetite at the first sight of any conflict, and became very insensitive, telling her things like “we’re going around in circles” during our four-day-long arguments.

I still completely hate myself. I was selfish, and a manchild. A loathsome manchild, a caricature of a loathsome manchild. She once got blind drunk at a party with my friends and started puking her guts up, and I got a bunch of female friends to help her because I just didn’t know what to do and just avoided the problem. I had similar behavioural patterns in my part time retail job - dodging responsibility constantly out of fear. 

She confronted me about that night months later when we were on holiday, and she asked if I’d abandon her like that if she was giving birth. She kept pressing the issue, and I didn’t understand why, even though looking back it was screamingly obvious. At the time, I thought she was being over-emotional, abstract etc.; so I gave a cringeworthy, detached response - “the nurses would take care of you, it’s not my place”.  I thought I was being so clever and logical, when really I was just revelling in being an immature little bastard. The argument escalated, and I still wasn’t getting it, and eventually I started staring blankly at the floor, got up and pretended she wasn’t there, blocked her out, and walked out of the apartment for about 45 minutes, leaving her alone. She was hyperventilating and terrified when I got back. I held her and dried her tears and said I’d never do that again. And yet months later I was still shutting down any kind of conflict for my own selfish reasons, trying to make her laugh with stupid voices during arguments and generally acting like a toddler.

Looking back, this awful lack of empathy I think comes from some internalised misogyny due to a fairly abusive family life/likely cluster B mother, but I digress. 

I was routinely selfish to her. Constantly. Any opportunity to fuck up, I’d take it. Any kind of obligation or task, like sending her a little something for our one year anniversary, and I’d just spiral into a “never sent an international package before, I’ll fuck it up” and avoid it. I actually lied about having sent her something in the mail when she asked, hoping to quickly send something later, but I’d lost her addressed. Eventually I came clean and just admitted it was a snap decision to lie to make the problem go away. I was totally insensitive to her anger at me spending time with female friends one-on-one - my justification to myself was that I was never controlling towards her and that our mutual trust was unbreakable. I would never get angry with her, apart from condescension during arguments, and on a few occasions she actually said she wanted me to express my anger if I felt it. Because I hated myself, I’d just say “but you would never do anything to make me angry at you”.

I’d dread her phone calls, because I was a trainwreck. I was a narcissist, who treated her more like a mother figure than a woman. I owed her a lot of money, for that holiday I mentioned earlier, although I paid it back immediately after the breakup, and became irresponsible with my money because she said “don’t worry about paying me back til you have a job”. 

She left me for a real man, and I’m totally dead inside; I’ve had the rudest awakening of my life. I’ve considered suicide, because I feel that I’m damaged goods - if I can drive someone that wonderful away then why would I deserve life? Increasingly, I realise I must be some kind of borderline/narcissistic personality disorder type, and that sickens me. Her leaving has motivated me to change who I am - I am considering the armed forces for the first time in my life because I want discipline, and I’m reading Marcus Aurelius, but I suspect eventually I’ll just commit suicide because I’m innately malignant, like a human tumour. 

I’m not sure what to say - I guess - should I just kill myself now? As far as I’m concerned, I’m basically child-molester tier in terms of morality. Whenever people tell me to be strong and be positive and not to dwell on the past, I don’t get it at all, because you wouldn’t say that to a child molester. What’s the point? 

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suicidewatch,loplopbubu,2019/02/07,"Heyheyhey!!!! Throwaway account here

A bittt of a nudge here and everything would crumble down GRJDBJSNSHCK

All I've done is to spread hatefulness and pain, a loser with a rotten heart. If someone is dying on a sidewalk my selfish ass would laugh them off while casually eating a sandwich. A monster with no empathy whatsoever, a double-faced dickhead smearing shit one everyone's face, a hideous gunk of meat swearing and screaming on people who actually waste their time caring about it. Fuck this whole shit, this whole narcissistic self-absorbed pig lacking conscience and common sense about everyone and everything

All I've done is to gain trust only to break them and I didn't even feel bad about that!!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful person!!!!!!!!!!!! I've fucked several people's lives, and here I am still breathing like a dying pig. Wish I could have just died back then, I got ""lucky""!!!!!!!!!!!!! (why do I call that luck I need to die lmao)

You all are beautiful people with your own flaws and good qualities. Please don't take your lives, the world needs you all... People who have contemplated their own deaths usually have tender hearts, this world is too fucked up for them. Please don't waste your lives, this world could be a utopia had every single one of THOSE SELF-ABSORBED ASSES actually cared and listened to your problems.

(unlike me lmao fuck this pig (sorry, pigs are muchhhhhhhh better than this filth, at least they make wonderful bacon strips))

(Pigs can't look into the sky, they wander around this shit hole their entire lives lmao)

Also I'm a fucking pedophile(!!!!!!!!THROW UP, SPILL YOUR GUTS OUT!!!!!!!!!) Don't worry, I'd be dead before I'd actually touch a single kid. I promise you that. After some preparations I would *POOF* be gone. One filth gone from the world. A FUCKING FILTH GONE FROM THE WORLD, I AM THE WORLD'S GREATEST JANITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for wasting your precious time,  if anyone ever read this whole shit. Leaving mah filthy words over here folks, unless the mods remove them. You people are too good to die, this sub needs more filth like me.

Goodbye, Ciao!!!!!!!",4.248527567567566,7.010145682666664,4.064569369369373,83.97343783783786,74.84,6.614054054054055,24.26846846846847,7.730073105063049,1.388447927927928,1641,53,287,24,37,499,209,375,0.204,0.632,0.16399999999999998,-0.9686,0,0,0,1,0,1,130.0,0,10,9,3,16,33,11,0,21,0,29,21,11,1,5,43,54,15,7,13,4,0,2,2,0,3,2,2,0,2,17,15,2,0,3,2,1,4,6,18,0,3,8,6,31,15,33,38,16,33,0,1,1,8,25,18,12,7,12,176,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.2045939186261484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588725010444984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886542749895319,0.0,0.0,0.06221273459408881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373748284490118,0.05835130737397265,0.0,0.0,0.059467244008177975,0.0,0.0,0.061807869724581216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136070614944688,0.0,0.14250544432750858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159545274637124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626495457914493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303385353006715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151010999128092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615858232514269,0.06321525592593434,0.05888138037212446,0.13355680029176115,0.12561680493995428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035336108094749866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876470089427126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723294988755785,0.05589365949707355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899726651624774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562883676482734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739984433082829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828485622686184,0.0,0.2468400051985764,0.0,0.05868605192798824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664898120562986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545719593367804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206826617529025,0.053150920699354134,0.07436288773517118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24224834228941414,0.06102114938828585,0.0,0.15342614906622234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687079501277987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990421313458937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581122109631894,0.07895049827281345,0.28694502952832085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921358890308776,0.0,0.0,0.15646174615333178,0.0,0.0,0.055810491796539886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254504915400435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150136224104111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696878592833005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306061435132923,0.23407332905706035,0.0803646474117402,0.0,0.15157525604379998,0.0,0.07097191566111459,0.0,0.14893353855219255,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,probablybetternow,2019/02/07,Have you ever been scared that you can actuallu kill yourself? I can already see it.. and its scary.,2.6557894736842123,5.2230811578947405,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.52631578947368,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.1981368421052632,78,3,15,1,2,25,17,19,0.419,0.581,0.0,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986561573506743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40874751135180293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999335971144789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524064838950082,0.0,0.36008649031295376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KarmaIsTheRealDeal,2019/02/07,"Ready to die I’m seriously ready to fucking kill myself, every little thing is hard. School, leisure activities, socializing is super goddamned hard, and on top of that I’m getting increasingly lonely and sad by the day... I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I’ll die tonight... ;-( ",2.173261455525605,5.031192471698116,3.838328840970352,81.02924528301888,86.54716981132076,6.047439353099732,26.439353099730464,7.447530270364453,1.830565498652292,223,10,40,4,7,74,40,53,0.355,0.494,0.151,-0.9255,0,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,6,10,1,6,0,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24638867667198525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602251683607275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51568917648767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932392517058312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296815308441708,0.12980120248696406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451122202432796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748653465120089,0.0,0.13653776398184878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490051333956711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25143755861206085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532563300557577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505447588523706,0.15919222933544055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alilcreacher,2019/02/07,"I have a plan now one that im pretty sure wont fail.i dont want to but dont see a way out anymore and i have no one to talk to,therapy is in a week and my friend is tired of listening to me whine anyway",1.6927333333333363,0.8866913399999987,4.361999999999998,93.47433333333336,75.6,8.266666666666667,22.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,0.5208666666666661,157,3,45,2,3,57,36,50,0.19,0.634,0.17600000000000002,-0.4152,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,6,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,2,4,2,6,9,0,5,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23684798657083145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5597969501473884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451385811540785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25796954364843777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32366494164634313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429685870339071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031080496324265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508760807132966,0.0,0.0,0.1919566736494414,0.0,0.0,0.27311461919137997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744916097909709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086384097016974,0.1895663763895745,0.1915691981410458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drinkmrewater,2019/02/07,"feeling extremely stuck a little background: i’m almost 23, my boyfriend broke up with me last week through text. we’ve lived together our whole relationship, he got into a car accident late summer in the middle of us moving & i moved the whole house myself, helped him go to the bathroom when he couldn’t alone, showered him, worked 80 hours, did all the cooking/cleaning/shopping. i have BDP so it’s hard for me to connect with people, he was my best friend. 
the breakup was pretty unexpected & is killing me. i found out a day after that i’m pregnant & he of course wants me to abort it. 
so i’m currently homeless & pregnant & struggling to find a place to live/new job/think about what i want to do about my pregnancy. 
my friends are saying “i’m here if you need anything!” but aren’t willing to actually hang out/help me pack or even text me back most of the time. my ex isn’t offering any kind of support at all, except that he isn’t throwing my stuff out on the lawn. 
i have no one & nothing-easiest option is just to end it i’m so miserable :(",2.9582762201453785,4.7353833738317785,3.8793769470405017,88.4247871235722,75.07476635514018,6.811630321910696,27.309449636552444,7.594959193182576,1.4639904465212878,838,33,173,11,18,269,140,214,0.123,0.81,0.068,-0.9137,4,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,0,2,10,9,1,2,11,0,14,0,0,0,2,22,28,7,1,5,5,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,6,5,4,0,1,6,3,23,5,27,20,6,28,0,2,0,0,17,10,0,5,12,101,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.1006788762186148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033096865787446,0.10685283433272252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6707068366213214,0.0,0.07015902542573804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489998330076043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933123457390409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827037642207546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653600834014158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137785109582636,0.0,0.0,0.06814270278724463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216576832011804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429535981697433,0.0,0.0,0.11312039858367125,0.1594175166974908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058633794597547466,0.0,0.08251434153613299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241990725117848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830513091639776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160150517768828,0.11904413737179788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238014155173562,0.0,0.11414213618902072,0.10743550661572536,0.0,0.0840971851573574,0.11638006727900498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034032780358953,0.18220170836016367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193064137480686,0.0,0.07649912515385678,0.0,0.09964206922439778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991055003443886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152497307240133,0.0,0.10779051865903476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496081209308687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076579221188744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082044793470271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785551177861996,0.11810477754015992,0.0,0.11707590577527276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610706424662302,0.0,0.0,0.06015916027084847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410060815150285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170448306321292,0.0,0.08275661827057339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303708720226149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510886839272654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonlyrobot2,2019/02/07,"My family would never love me if they knew I was gay I can’t go on like this, my super religious and would never accept me and probably send me to conversion therapy if they knew I was gay",6.114750000000001,4.622276975000002,8.140000000000004,72.32500000000003,66.75,13.0,30.0,12.161744961471696,3.6505000000000014,149,4,31,5,2,54,27,40,0.126,0.728,0.146,0.2139,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,11,9,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,10,4,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,3,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31193918654573705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805575401869226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165901269941405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986464506045299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104146032522842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567617243492177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784082764731583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470117878361174,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zack93091,2019/02/07,"Hi, I’m having a bit of a hard time. Hello everyone! I’m having a really rough time and I am not all that sure of what to do. I don’t reach out or ever really talk about this, but sometimes things can get a little intense. I’m not trying to fish for people to tell me it’s alright or anything like that. Nothing huge has happened and most people would be fine in my particular situation, but all I feel is sad and the need to leave. I think that’s what is getting to me the most, almost a numbness follows the sadness and with that numb feeling, comes the desire to not be here. I just need someone to talk to this about, even if it’s only for a minute.",2.842391304347828,3.7424667173913058,4.5847536231884085,86.77147826086956,73.85507246376812,6.969275362318841,24.669565217391305,7.1686216300943375,0.9367078260869564,509,15,110,5,10,173,84,138,0.14400000000000002,0.747,0.109,-0.7126,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,10,1,12,2,0,0,4,30,25,9,0,5,9,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,4,8,4,17,22,5,9,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,6,4,78,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442498198273724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156059813077508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107175180026407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865073282584946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164606388785858,0.16659712395163487,0.0,0.17598741385196254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624915438535106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244800949425045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628656299410694,0.0,0.16498491374913976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501507431215576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899787597963278,0.18459205830801095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273127336756395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672118972009224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400736324514522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25536795835962506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359748560726293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702077977245711,0.0,0.0,0.1560511535643689,0.0,0.182154103865496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358306236657906,0.0,0.0,0.2960662964903239,0.16097735021777596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235790090396405,0.11801211034864854,0.0,0.0,0.21478822395983416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250429547777454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308328652596449,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Always-scared1,2019/02/07,"Thinking of suicide I am 30. Divorced with no kids. Engaged again 3 years ago. My relationship is supportive, but I just don’t think I can go on. Graduated from law school in the top of my class. Failed the bar once and don’t want to take it again. While I was studying to retake my exam, I started to get really sick and lose my period. Doctor thinks I have PCOS. I am so depressed because I was always so pretty. Now I feel I’m losing my hair and all my looks. I just want my period back. I just want to feel good again. I’m seriously considering suicide. I don’t want to live my life with this disease. I’ve lost all dignity. ",0.07414479638009297,2.4021462153846187,2.641583710407243,89.74400452488692,90.69230769230772,5.828054298642535,19.95475113122172,7.285733465282438,0.698357466063348,488,16,105,9,17,168,81,130,0.248,0.5920000000000001,0.16,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,1,2,17.0,0,0,0,5,10,9,0,0,2,0,10,5,1,0,2,21,28,7,2,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,4,20,3,12,25,2,15,0,5,1,0,3,3,0,0,11,64,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711399268594158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809245233247205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276134002511316,0.0,0.10116799617172227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294155773516948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986763056291668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782925685699218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867075249915008,0.0,0.09431919140561074,0.1391998151439399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722282744771903,0.0,0.0,0.14654618486836224,0.0,0.1393650434922754,0.3713347547481477,0.18116551863924102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674254367069142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884151868128103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631856252529642,0.0,0.0,0.17817949577604364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796091237557484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746771439479975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630677576056,0.18833003801983306,0.0,0.0,0.12478166140120164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190224113280081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915512721545821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687313742149217
suicidewatch,I_lift_things_up_,2019/02/07,"Can someone please talk to me. I messed up I just wish it could be fixed, I dont want to die but I can't live like this Please I just want someone to hear me. I'm not typically emotional I'm tired and didn't or couldn't sleep last night. My girlfriend called me today after a week of arguments saying that she felt that we were never going to see common ground again. I cried even though I tried not to and I asked her to give it another chance. She agreed bit I know its only a matter of time. I've tried to cut my wrists and its just too hard. I dont own a gun anymore, and so I can't shoot myself. I just can't take going back to how life was. I know this more than any other thing that I am going to be faced with this reality soon. I tried drinking to make cutting easier but it didn't.

I'm sorry I know how pathetic I sound. I know ita nobodies fault and I know I pushed her away but I just can't stomach it. I have survived so much, I made it through opioid addiction, I cope and mourn the chronic pain. I have and burden it is. I love her so much more than I have ever loved any one person. Its just i can't bare it I can't. I know that even though she took me back I heard no love in her voice. I wish I was dead or could die without overwhelming pain. I can take physical pain but to feel alone right now and the week of her birthday/Valentines I just can't. I dont know what to do, I dont want to be a burden and I realized I have become one to her despite as good of a man I was I was too jealous I loved her so much I couldn't see I was pushing her away. I'm sorry for this waste of post. I dont know how I will do it and it scares me how I can shift from this to violent anger. I dont know what's wrong with me, I dont know what to do I have money but no healthcare no insurance . I'm alone when it comes to this and always have. I should,
 have shot myself the last time I had a gun ",-0.6841586983729684,1.1815482447058834,1.652360450563208,99.32174968710892,87.72941176470589,4.934668335419273,16.101376720901126,6.246984511938701,-0.6723556946182732,1464,30,372,14,47,494,177,425,0.226,0.627,0.147,-0.9882,0,2,2,3,0,1,33.0,1,0,0,1,30,22,5,2,9,0,47,16,4,6,2,64,88,30,4,10,17,0,3,1,1,2,7,5,0,2,28,15,1,0,13,1,1,7,25,16,0,2,13,10,74,6,36,66,7,32,0,2,2,4,26,6,0,2,19,254,102,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246961735022782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770000961353038,0.0,0.0,0.05531409393438305,0.0,0.0,0.09041312320754702,0.0697068104792503,0.0,0.0,0.0659272073605957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621469140497005,0.0,0.12491444407750175,0.10223324286807896,0.0,0.0,0.07341849700686028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257554140170258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788033246803109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057263950433229224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615276730137638,0.0,0.07302173700454284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137985023220765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453729014667229,0.06512203959420343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747775484352986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781471158432351,0.06013214864098365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0336127106222098,0.0,0.06382823487019093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377068583363246,0.11334103765492046,0.05575765742781354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955023185132113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492428114293764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653395764841538,0.10837506816693446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046954590053090065,0.03247724828776104,0.0,0.058700307646198074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23999193771092564,0.06290203622895571,0.044373837149278735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660447890508765,0.0,0.051271072124961584,0.0,0.0,0.062384053600474415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009291584960197,0.05055866684528427,0.2122082788324012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804505212411413,0.0,0.14594331488388154,0.0,0.0,0.06366648022347063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056770896835533276,0.0,0.05286508738934159,0.06655495918678554,0.0,0.10594694160949852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665248941266123,0.0,0.11265129840361222,0.0,0.0,0.14883086113490154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996468921294432,0.05343160231658665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441642887346118,0.0,0.13062640460093414,0.0,0.07752641284032735,0.07640540052478408,0.06301231434050236,0.0,0.0738582655868595,0.13540032441471322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762936794659733,0.0,0.10664749515166998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289027475598493,0.06408134521053607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268203837573406,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rainbowpearls18,2019/02/07,Sober.PMDD.Suicide. I am sober now and have been for almost a year. I noticed when I got sober that my suicidal thoughts disappeared for the most part until about 2 weeks before my period. They would get really bad and I would want to die immediately no matter how great my life is and how happy I’ve been. I just want to die. Well today my dr basically wrote off the PMDD as i am just crazy but I know I’m not. I know I’m more sane sober. But now I just want to die and I told my boyfriend maybe this is God’s will until I kill my self 🤷🏻‍♀️. Idk what to do ,-1.4975481386392815,0.4712018211382123,1.229045785194696,97.7812836970475,99.89430894308944,4.865896448438169,12.97774925117672,6.5966054737557815,-0.7190227642276423,436,8,108,7,19,149,78,123,0.227,0.682,0.09,-0.964,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,1,0,10,5,1,0,3,0,11,2,0,2,0,24,23,12,5,5,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,6,0,18,3,11,14,3,11,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,9,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345297280860202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629165466667473,0.0,0.0,0.1388981575407962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082262134412532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528182821207407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305513052074264,0.17996352994429327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376318421407105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059169571286168,0.0,0.17941575130677498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529537988669256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398818652368627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584037692304667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676402864386484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457040938402692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702862668082212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570979812478648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295877398362763,0.0,0.0,0.15472456923196576,0.155974888335321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28883486466179803,0.0,0.1309346269829354,0.0,0.14676490525657918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319102383836257,0.0,0.0,0.10511586562940736
suicidewatch,rendoesthings,2019/02/07,"I got upset over something so dumb that i took buncha pills to help stop the pain Greetings. 

I had a game card that i was saving for ""Person A"", And someone else impersonated ""Person A"" to get it from me. It took me a bit to realise what happened AFTER i gave them the card. (It was online)

I am complete fucking idiot and i should seriously hang myself for falling for this. NOBODY FALLS FOR THIS. I'm seriously angry at myself and i know everyone is going to agree that i'm an idiot for falling for that. I haven't heard any reaction from Person A yet but i'm pretty sure they're going to be disappointed in me.

I am so angry at myself. But also it hurts so bad. I don't understand. I am an idiot, I don't understand how every cell of me keeps working together to keep me alive. I am a waste of space.

I took 6 pills of panadol because my body's hurting so much and i'm visibly shaking (because i'm so angry and disappointed in myself to the point i want to just choke myself to death). Tried to do buncha breathing exercises and trying to distract myself and nothing's working. Been playing overwatch for awhile now, I keep breaking into tears. My eyes hurts, I don't even want to experience the end result of the situation, I'm very disappointed in myself and i don't deserve to live. All that for a stupid shitty anime card that i lost because I'm truly a fucking idiot. And i'm pretty sure everyone's going to agree that i am an idiot. I hope i die and rot in hell, I'll probably trip and die somewhere in the future and i totally deserve that because i didn't kill myself sooner. I'm looking for more pills.",2.5051419259882266,4.403522838414638,4.758229604709843,81.09341463414637,76.71341463414635,6.719259882253995,25.63961312026913,7.6298220110432995,1.5338335576114384,1273,47,241,18,29,443,151,328,0.306,0.58,0.114,-0.9976,0,0,1,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,1,3,11,30,11,3,17,0,19,10,3,2,4,34,52,21,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,15,13,0,4,3,3,0,12,6,25,0,0,12,3,41,5,39,38,5,30,1,7,2,2,9,11,4,1,6,160,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084083310418806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874398336582903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440508867432918,0.24649165330285544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036300116371206,0.1122870850139834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059898883851691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098288346758496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444688420561902,0.0,0.08953484512674313,0.0,0.0,0.06676832807301925,0.0,0.08517183856265863,0.19318973436941345,0.0,0.09888443496502976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691029465401188,0.0528148278055141,0.0,0.17235361705910573,0.0,0.08085010428211191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939266478649804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677578227564557,0.0,0.0,0.10040418179482058,0.0,0.0,0.3246535810652067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695576316284031,0.1118399958366538,0.0,0.05555586816983065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926343498025409,0.0,0.08488929622744969,0.0,0.1103505799775286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431204307271863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699761747788936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756581841670887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648010348140945,0.0,0.0,0.0955617755101139,0.0,0.0,0.20568770095669175,0.10899103467247882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362826629986253,0.0,0.0,0.08565237776179975,0.07782324742545109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845149266254722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055036366314992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33694078032965696,0.1372655844502588,0.0,0.0,0.2104744186262869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340900810646787,0.1192498172327102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718798524021884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thundercaty_roses,2019/02/07,"My note. 

It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault except my own, I just can't do this anymore. I have no happy place left to go 

to. How can I find the words to explain?

I want to be with Mummy. Sleep doesn't help anymore, because of the nightmares, then I wake up and it's still a nightmare.

I would have liked to have Richie's arms around me one more time, but that's not going to happen. And that's fair enough.

I hate me too. I killed Titch. I let Mummy die. I made the man I love not want to be anywhere near me. I only hurt the 

people around me. I'm a weak, fat, stinking, cowardly cancer on the world. Daddy tried so, so hard and it's breaking my 

heart to see him suffer because of me. There is no helping me. There never really was a chance. I just can't see any way 

out.


No point throwing away good money, or love, or care after bad. Daddy would die before he let this happen, so I'm taking the 

choice out of his hands. Just now he's sacrificing time with his therapist just to get me baccy, because he is so kind.

Hopefully it'll be the last time. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'd prefer they never knew I was dead... just gone.


I'm going to try and talk myself out of it, again, but I'm losing the fight. Why am I still fighting? There's nothing

feasible that I want from life, and nothing that life wants from me. Am I fighting for other people? Of course I am. 

Mostly Daddy and Lucy now, but even Lucy admitted life was easier before I moved in. That guy online was right, I'm

pathetic. I'm 34 and I'm like a toddler. I deserve to die. 


If I bring them nothing but pain, what's the point? I want to go home. But home doesn't exist anymore. Daddy just dropped

off my baccy, thank you Daddy. Thank you so much for everything. I wanted to say Goodbye but maybe it's better this way.


I keep thinking I should call someone for help but they'll just watch me closely afterwards if I do. This might be my only

chance to make it all stop. Titch really did help but I killed him (we all know it but no one will admit it). Everything 

and everyone I love or makes me happy is only going to die, leave me or end. That's the truth of life, we all know it but 

some of us are good enough to make it worthwhile while we have it. I'm not. All I do is hurt people. I can't even look 

after Missy and she's just a dog.


Ok I reached out, but I'm too much of a coward to admit what's happening. To my only friend.


I tried the samaritans, they were kind but I still know I need to escape. I've tried Lesley again. I'm scared. help me




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suicidewatch,woodenyoyo,2019/02/07,Is ut coming back i want it to end again I'm fucking done I got through it once but its back I can't take this shit,-3.4907142857142865,-2.184725785714283,-0.7631428571428565,110.50814285714287,110.42857142857142,2.24,12.742857142857144,3.1291,-2.04868,90,2,26,0,5,30,23,28,0.21,0.7490000000000001,0.041,-0.7734,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,7,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980578649053194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27897736674186463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314219978631027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28684450494732633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994040524875769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25902103370942303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449011379891476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324384144595955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435029853233219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102146622778307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fatdutchies,2019/02/07,"ive got nothing left past few years have been rough,had my dad ,uncle and grandad die then my fiance deported not long after
my depression all the while getting worse,
just absolutely miserable.
end up in a long distance relationship with fiance and was sopposed to get married in 1 month.
today she tells me she cheated on me last night and shes not ready for marriage,and that its over between us 3 days before she arrives in my country. i was sopposed to move countries to be with her.
ive worked years to finally get married and move countries,but its over now

i always said if this fucks up im going to kill myself,i feel as ive got no other option no future,im stuck and my head wont stop the urge to just end it all

ive got nobody 
ive made up my mind
i gave all i could give and ive got no more.",2.2346638655462168,3.725569323529413,3.791596638655463,89.50647058823532,76.3529411764706,6.26890756302521,24.495798319327733,6.868970318607317,0.8051680672268908,635,21,137,6,14,211,107,170,0.209,0.78,0.011,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,1,3,5,3,1,3,0,14,2,1,1,3,22,29,10,2,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,11,2,24,0,21,15,5,31,0,2,0,1,12,10,1,2,18,83,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274238501677113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529594905569597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081814354211836,0.0,0.0,0.08738282608024933,0.0,0.11670132483617256,0.0,0.14062203236084794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400160475234341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851015524039708,0.0,0.0,0.1484277424075654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526260055733526,0.2123710528995591,0.12997879389595993,0.077004719753401,0.0,0.4334697277731441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905657886513925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29271489917711496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990473104494784,0.0,0.0,0.11044620631397874,0.0,0.0,0.1472153101296605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23981696460491445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820829344644868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368109494339722,0.0,0.1081505196367797,0.2880186937705001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715253002742724,0.0,0.13001075019048192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934495427527687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547052337452862,0.0,0.0,0.12888641949704555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327957632955117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842827732564487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284330646833357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629833548643094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986417031555878,0.0,0.13808060189557025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745081965539233
suicidewatch,fightingformyfuture,2019/02/07,"Pretty sure about this Sunday I think this Sunday will be my last day, I've been struggling with depression for about 6 years now (I'm 19 now). I've been to therapists, psychiatrists and I'm taking strong meds which helped at the beginning but I got used to them overtime. Nothing brings me joy anymore, not even my favorite music, films or junk food. The downsides of living out weight the positives, simple as that. For couple of years I've been trying to get better for my parents but it's never going to happen, now I'm giving up because I deserve some rest. ",3.984087665647301,5.922936623853213,4.614067278287461,83.55323139653416,72.6697247706422,6.6793068297655465,24.955147808358817,7.3871296695380915,1.2734640163098874,448,14,81,5,9,143,78,109,0.099,0.752,0.149,0.7070000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,1,2,12,18,5,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,1,8,4,16,12,2,16,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,11,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866392430957067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211340441313685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716703931738012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221650617840746,0.0,0.1291900307662272,0.0,0.17253559334644022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230967846123246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242228119442378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465909641006438,0.19216549905304067,0.11384665111369208,0.0,0.16021445511447582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714259254416964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427048423820798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328779271355054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688650774161105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225107104269804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449937589790652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922127444313108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243200294109505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379777629932336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941828691849426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887995257225123,0.0,0.15061594633310646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325873248211519,0.0,0.1283571689516837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600434417456894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301243428752391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439361764538172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579994295567403
suicidewatch,adude97,2019/02/07,Living with chronic illness and feeling hopeless So a bit of a back story I’m 21 and I was born with 5 heart problems and multiple other health problems. I have always had the thought of suicide. About a month and a half a go my cousin I grew up with committed suicide. I have been super depressed since and ever since then I have been having thoughts of doing it myself. Here lately it feels as if I’m a disappointment to everyone and nothing I do is good enough for anyone. I feel hopeless and see no point in living. I know that if I do anything it would crush my friend and possibly some of my family. ,2.295964187327826,4.589949057851238,3.750764462809919,86.13099517906339,79.08264462809917,6.0168044077135,25.78581267217631,7.1686216300943375,1.347792837465565,480,19,91,6,12,158,79,121,0.269,0.6509999999999999,0.08,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,5,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,7,0,13,4,1,0,2,25,23,13,2,5,2,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,6,4,13,3,13,16,3,11,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,3,6,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353532981800066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374166052157295,0.0,0.1338623894967261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508210495364108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759196973511138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010621840404155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680801377621674,0.0,0.0,0.14714305281512188,0.0,0.15543680897356768,0.0,0.0,0.15334946973457647,0.0,0.24675038059286886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567734929442093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244830852655342,0.13643869572550893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290910468773854,0.0,0.19276306264067367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939840303897502,0.0,0.18349725512393372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28727869079873736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984051677230468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608489952133736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537743969018288,0.1833843940789449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113037439532988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962580563953108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691222776173305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35586607106101364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582813807687309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555509930917232,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gotanyweed,2019/02/07,Something might happen soon so what's the quickest way u can kill yourself I think something might happen and if it does I'm gonna end it ,4.010344827586207,4.867084000000002,4.306379310344827,90.01405172413793,71.06896551724137,5.8000000000000025,28.29310344827586,3.1291,0.7449172413793099,112,4,23,0,2,35,24,29,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544248162832376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23829339488163576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758299752311312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297657657794998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708269751416948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41424689579733537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723927251086966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135548438468914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OhKittyNo,2019/02/07,My sister found me I tried to end it last Friday but my sister found me bleeding out in the bathtub and called an ambulance which really sucks.,4.914642857142855,6.235206892857143,5.462857142857144,80.83214285714288,69.35714285714286,8.457142857142857,24.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,1.7850857142857142,115,3,21,2,2,37,24,28,0.124,0.8759999999999999,0.0,-0.5704,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35720395515059955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30983549346478284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7671161905383335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285148890565442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241027857061316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375039016020734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway120601,2019/02/07,"done all my prep, just waiting until everyone is asleep. i think this may be my last post before i die ?

it’s hard and hurts and i cry so hard i almost throw up and when i get anxious i can’t even breathe 

i’ve printed out my letter

cancelled subscriptions 

cleared out some storage

given my passwords on my note 

scheduled emails to send my final notes to my friends 

sent gratitude and positivity messages to all my friends 

i tried to be cheerful today, i don’t want them to remember me sadly 

i can’t take it anymore 

please just end it all for me ",1.4266783216783203,3.954655500000001,2.7281818181818167,90.5738111888112,84.9090909090909,5.202797202797203,25.734265734265733,6.67199483983844,1.0733146853146858,435,19,87,5,13,140,74,110,0.163,0.6609999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,2,0,4,19,15,7,1,1,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,2,20,3,11,9,4,15,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,3,7,56,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202631851512254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860642783374985,0.20068431022062705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219136703674004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222802619518738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100151842802569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708202627053046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179228722571383,0.0,0.0,0.13365525044259993,0.0,0.0,0.19336130673996446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216728001344567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126818756465418,0.0,0.10572346561844308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625452277143992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166279379094386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494840803156807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212781832686213,0.0,0.0,0.1938025919699285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923165201017545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214769064455805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966254443258354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181129225848612,0.0,0.0,0.13738749041900022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935572334566788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yohannb2,2019/02/07,"List of all the bs happening to me (17) and mom (49) since we moved from Paris to London 2 years ago 1. My mom met someone that tricked us into thinking we would have a nice house, school and life in London, so we travelled there and obviously he was a lying asshole living with his mom at 49yo. Haven't been to schoor for an entire month, when I did it was a fucking incompetent one.

2. We move out, but because we didnt know anyone in London, had to call my mom's friends to lend us money for hotels where we would search everyday anxiously for houses, and I wasnt going to school because it was too far and not even useful

3. We find a place 1 month later, after going from place to place to hotel to airbnb to place to hotel, obiously it's filled with junkies in Southall, a racist Indian community with a low community college I went through. We don't have that much money to enjoy ourselves, and my mom is too busy solving a shit load of issues to find a job

4. She meets someone else, we plead him to take us at his place, which he does a few days before our rent cycle ends. He's narcissist and a cunt in general, we left him last July

5. Having left him in July, my mom asked her friends to let us live at their houses while we look for houses but they didnt wanted us for more than 1 week, fucking cunts. My mom's coworker allowed us in August at his place for as long as needed. He was away till September so we had his room to sleep in. The house is dirty as hell, the dogs are filthy, the owner is nice but filthy, I leave my puppy home alone in this shit all day. I start school again

6. September is here and we had to move to the sofa downstairs because the owner is back. Sofa where the 2 filthy dogs sleep all day, where they fucking bleed by the dick because they're untreated. We sleep in hair and shit and I have no space to do homework, I get depressed because my grades go down, I skip school more and more

7. We find a better place in November in Tooting. The live in landlord is nice at first. Turns out she's a schyzo and steals our food and trying to strangle my mom and another tenant for using her kettle too often

8. Kicked from art classes because of low attendance, although I did better in maths and physics and stayed. The solutions the teachers offer me do not help at all. It's too late to swap topics or do anything, Im left with 2 a-levels only

9. Landlord assaults him and scratches me for cleaning up a plate from the dishwasher that doesnt clean shit. I look for places to sit an art exam, NOT A SINGLE PHONE NUMBER IS VALID, when they are they can't do shit. 

I'm fucking done with all this shit, I'm fucking 17 and I SHOULDNT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT EVERY SINGLE DAYS BECAUSE OF A BUNCH OF CUNTS THAT KEEP LYING TO US AND PUTTING US IN SHIT/DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. WE CAN'T EVEN LEAVE THE HOUSE WITH THE MENTAL LANDLORD IN IT BECAUSE MOST HOUSESHARES DONT TAKE PETS

I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH ALL OF THIS",3.8385071428571433,4.755712998333337,4.6134285714285745,87.43100000000004,71.51666666666667,7.180952380952381,25.785714285714285,7.2636822038024595,1.082271428571428,2309,69,483,22,42,744,272,600,0.182,0.762,0.055,-0.9982,3,1,0,0,0,0,58.0,26,0,5,3,19,31,19,0,31,0,44,21,12,3,7,77,73,34,0,5,7,8,2,0,2,3,2,0,13,0,14,46,1,1,5,6,3,11,14,23,0,2,17,4,66,8,86,52,15,84,1,3,2,7,67,46,18,3,25,306,80,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037362291527131206,0.0,0.0,0.04365335593606319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441966012574543,0.0,0.047616049250085564,0.0,0.02947136057807332,0.0,0.03468480001619332,0.0,0.03940335758804379,0.0,0.039600103908306775,0.03240975909837357,0.0,0.20554771696002194,0.0,0.035865450901597616,0.0,0.0,0.07455422405768318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043038549127219584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108729733666881,0.04345347301104343,0.03630262529034069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036884623334749705,0.08626553553319961,0.049397978469756174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520984183493901,0.0,0.03733124987716978,0.0,0.0,0.05567765568022932,0.0,0.035512109094282325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556948201463728,0.03585167428391039,0.05096639182874997,0.0,0.06512798319574112,0.2337948394661448,0.022020963248848374,0.0,0.07186225582408122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727196826673312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028251394290944025,0.0,0.04227859636919555,0.0,0.0,0.2918037392219891,0.0,0.0,0.04552784347840129,0.043992306452480576,0.04182609462680199,0.03746371329275284,0.0,0.0,0.0231638307281952,0.03435682712415323,0.047545584845919,0.08925880388547673,0.13738410206072954,0.04309991535169157,0.029770882924006224,0.0,0.0,0.11165425901251827,0.037300285221871836,0.07078860805260846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247598985806125,0.0,0.0,0.3949125119604189,0.06728540219815404,0.1343922367364973,0.030984154212850144,0.03125273709390118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028561059174494214,0.03205599601110218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522914787943793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237109875323055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062699363304965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461203908017054,0.03486585146938477,0.047376920084521934,0.12653745878747896,0.0,0.07142493656571754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02983307644714412,0.04492492066718087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338117435863723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02700719380508083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02861620984207068,0.04584569712408537,0.0,0.0,0.4055977029229209,0.07280591153036145,0.0,0.0,0.02486040333581501,0.0,0.033809155704575725,0.0,0.0,0.03907227980698677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988247371735472,0.0,0.0,0.027142389679309712
suicidewatch,MitchKrokkee,2019/02/07,"What to do... I have wantend to commit suicidée for over a year now but I don’t know what to do...
I have tried multiple times to cut my self but at and I am to scared to do it.
En when de moments I feel I have the strength to do it I think how I will my family because I know that some of them care for me but there is really no point of living any more.
But just the thought of my mother finding her 16 year old son dead is just hard bc I don’t want to hurt her but I also wanna free myself from all the pain so I really don’t know what to do.",-0.9851076923076932,0.6432242000000059,1.7536000000000025,99.61618461538464,87.0,5.126153846153846,16.015384615384615,6.297961479604792,-0.6956276923076925,415,8,110,4,13,144,74,125,0.189,0.696,0.115,-0.905,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,1,1,4,0,15,1,0,1,2,21,23,10,1,2,7,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,2,20,4,18,21,3,10,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,7,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175994223436382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496588234413663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415592541790164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243815446546682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746750747404435,0.0,0.11127673828604406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011449349610205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714433742258708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23559527486055176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628430645914566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433061631572826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309321189383353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341757494773617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804239423694249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819718821053201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033387483402506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22958664612408625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101543452573315,0.0,0.17471529046624773,0.12832773959902904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941675519801687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298061769833124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834426932556446
suicidewatch,KosameChan,2019/02/07,"I wish i could cut deep enough to be hospitalized my parents dont care about me they forgot about my suicidal urges and my history of self harm

I wish i hospitalized maybe they will start caring then",3.0096153846153832,5.588599641025642,3.945833333333337,84.13875,78.23076923076924,8.002564102564103,22.570512820512814,8.841846274778883,1.719558974358975,162,5,32,4,4,52,30,39,0.263,0.5589999999999999,0.17800000000000002,-0.6283,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,10,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,10,2,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866915868119969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056313334005864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797261547385834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466158106298345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978183104729395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650211307619649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489908189306408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893589610536575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610724882750551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489305753472371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PernellWhitaker,2019/02/07,"Shits too sad. Mother killed herself and I’m going to do the same. Tried to finish college and get a career but it was too hard and I’m a pussy,so cheers folks this is it. 
Sorry mom. ",-2.32725,-0.9917852249999956,0.22500000000000145,102.35500000000002,113.75,2.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.08825,141,2,33,0,8,47,32,40,0.23,0.674,0.096,-0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,7,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,19,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009183913070112,0.0,0.21855611964994887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344493076831678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254621851656832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503957530913622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39474858191131534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304869996801952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610931584508859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Master_Sins,2019/02/07,"Im Scared Sometimes i just feel like i can't take it anymore, i keep thinking of sad and dark things that just makes me feel uneasy, it keeps me questioning myself why do they bully me? Why do they not like me while im just trying to make friends? Why doesn't anyone want or appreciate my help do they think im useless? Been thinking of just not ""living"" anymore. I just want to die. I don't want to feel this way anymore but im scared i don't know what to do, what to say, and what to see. Im scared that my family the only people that whole heartedly cared for me, miss me, cry for me, and regret for not taking care of me but that's the only thing that ill ever regret yet im so scared to take my own way as others mourn for me.",-0.1876729559748398,1.8544433459119527,1.8814150943396264,97.30690251572328,87.23899371069183,4.5396226415094345,15.751572327044027,5.82211442006289,-0.7698276729559748,568,11,134,4,18,189,78,159,0.292,0.637,0.071,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,3,0,8,15,0,4,2,0,9,2,1,2,1,32,30,9,2,5,11,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,14,3,0,2,8,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,1,5,22,5,15,29,2,5,0,6,1,0,7,0,0,2,5,82,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723907936308897,0.06401666050994388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669073652385945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005677306395454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950185603411078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281580218952242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630892936116714,0.0,0.13887730557720435,0.06540617032355485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073436563768673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849188840165172,0.06136669233389577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5933639525027755,0.0,0.0,0.16275474007727803,0.0,0.0,0.050315664385713284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945728468535319,0.0,0.08084382774206038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222596407406992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392618307196593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347199106268056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256139302200894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280738704526546,0.3666459595616677,0.0,0.07295665594208497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905492116305325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065115611589976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164877132608427,0.17599225043234965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215913193719658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200270051392265,0.1453425506041359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478396371686722,0.10221673145769723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FinnsChips,2019/02/07,"I think this might be it for me.  don't have any reason to live anymore. I am 18, I can make this decision as an adult. Life isn't for me. I feel completely alone. My best friend, who has apparently expressed his care for me, is avoiding and ignoring me. I have no job, no reason to exist, no SO, I'm schizophrenic, I'm so fucked over by past traumas that I can't function despite them being the kind of traumas to keep me functioning. I don't even know what I'm saying at this point, I'm drunk out of my mind, I'm tired and life isn't something I can manage anymore. The constant psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, inability to feel anything at all, it's too much, I shouldn't be alive to begin with. I'm just tired. I'm done. This isn't worth it. I tried. I gave life a go so many times. Trauma after trauma, nothing seems to go right, I don't believe in any weird shit like horoscopes but I do genuinely believe that my life was not meant to be, the never-ending abuse on it's own shows that, let alone the huge amount of other traumas. I can't do this. I have to go. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I need to at least tell someone, because this is it. If I don't kill myself now then I never will so I might as well do it while I won't pussy out. Bye",1.091598513011153,2.8486091189591107,2.9506379182156164,93.07270780669147,80.48698884758366,5.642289962825277,21.912416356877323,6.55674776486733,0.2949641933085503,979,30,224,9,25,327,142,269,0.184,0.741,0.075,-0.9624,2,3,1,0,1,2,40.0,0,0,1,1,10,17,3,1,6,0,34,10,1,3,2,31,59,12,1,3,4,0,2,1,1,5,7,1,0,1,19,5,1,3,10,2,1,3,17,11,1,0,4,3,32,6,28,45,6,23,0,0,0,1,11,11,2,4,11,145,51,2,0.0,0.13488164126905874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358075644713044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483004278396742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257971403738982,0.0,0.0,0.09368052055347216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939573355764858,0.0,0.0,0.25651712016486017,0.11946792954963464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606734357505452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935894713878978,0.12302046673967232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649772048276505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082834324465652,0.0,0.0,0.15038033273611814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512172656120448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879524080508801,0.1052431336573873,0.0,0.0,0.1940934798702515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296851403289795,0.10118611499828688,0.12594695922840068,0.11854671572823508,0.12512684055359874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164089890693331,0.32163389246647506,0.05561641455916253,0.0,0.1005226987174164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598900315101756,0.11541576933533475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415322431051209,0.1149458255936747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368540958038433,0.08441082774905953,0.17560066523672638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923243408898582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867304566673767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761548186701003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23409271104120816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721863457534123,0.0,0.09053004090435736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103635550229341,0.0,0.0,0.11685499977416915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964561599728304,0.08763950049524864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950107185976917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294399775023283,0.0,0.0,0.06638094886624518,0.2616843885598903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728980513138309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235572275649217,0.0,0.10272278405235448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clo-ve,2019/02/07,"I started self harming again Idk what pushed me over the edge , the homelessness , the isolation or just this damn heat but I started cutting again and I can't stop. I haven't cut since highschool but damn it's a good feeling ",1.504848484848484,4.218502818181818,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,89.0,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,0.9134060606060612,180,8,36,2,6,54,34,44,0.31,0.529,0.161,-0.6509999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,5,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689333616370005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597884286130843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474952661578246,0.0,0.0,0.35483731669317964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6072353520178585,0.0,0.0,0.3586269092970816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unklgumbald,2019/02/07,I really need someone to talk to. My cat is dying from liver failure and I can’t handle the stress anymore. I am scared.,0.4462666666666699,2.7569621600000005,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,87.4,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.4943333333333335,94,3,18,1,3,33,22,25,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38315895500006586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009740395475052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28647629901303195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750800937993955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38680735364080737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273561516085628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425667435736935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31053638895432584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pissrightoutmyass,2019/02/07,"I hate this Just been a rough year and don't know where else to go with this.

I love my family, but I have no meaningful relationships outside of them.
My partner just left me because he said I'm a mess and he can't picture me being a wife or a mother. And he's right.
I have a great job, but I've been fucking it up so bad because I've been in an awful place mentally, and using alcohol to cope. On the verge of getting fired and don't have the education or skill set to do much else.
I live in a city I hate.
I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. 
I continually sabatoge any good thing that happens to myself and I can't figure out why.
And here I am reading about suicide and the best way to do it. I feel like I'm losing it and that I'm at a breaking point.
Thanks for reading. ",1.4377621800165132,2.639234976878612,3.5529851362510314,91.59885838150291,77.84393063583815,6.561354252683734,23.33980181668043,7.1686216300943375,0.619958216350124,613,19,147,7,14,210,101,173,0.229,0.644,0.126,-0.9681,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,3,6,13,3,0,12,1,16,4,1,1,0,22,31,14,1,0,6,2,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,8,11,1,0,4,2,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,4,17,7,17,25,2,21,0,1,0,2,10,13,1,2,5,91,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299678576063514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371837838000277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734727456415246,0.18594874280653131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005963311130214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548206682304188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437816558151644,0.0,0.07711835881808997,0.10895984389166348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100166818147272,0.0796850578945345,0.0,0.08668025328203617,0.25585196509162544,0.0,0.16815310603866146,0.0,0.0,0.13487234484773067,0.0,0.0,0.30116253563634243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151351906552648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382063816994753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571270449262154,0.0,0.0,0.07451324336885909,0.0,0.13467736769793914,0.0,0.0,0.17063012370183184,0.0,0.0,0.13765465521256365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370361744481276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217394786283325,0.0,0.11211926083175623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431290646018139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935024371010076,0.0,0.14418007083292833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30512121917639623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374868776296791,0.0,0.13025067932767614,0.14508081481752624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262948333008475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683139835485394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041931268425456,0.0,0.0,0.10132706950837422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317277361984747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106274947991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762497759501566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821745164144534
suicidewatch,jackeduprabbit,2019/02/07,"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I was doing great last month. So happy. Then I crashed. Cut myself for the first time in three years. My relationship is falling apart, and the only thing keeping me from losing myself completely is that i have debt that I can't let fall to my mother. I'm scared of losing my job, I'm always crying over nothing, and I cant hold a conversation anymore. 
I have PTSD, and around this time last year I tried to hang myself and failed. 
Four years ago, my first rapist killed himself and left a note blaming me, opening a report, and taking away what little privacy I had left. 
I dont really have any guaranteed ways, meaning my plans remain unfinished. I'm just too worried about who will find the body. It feels unfair to do to someone else. 
But usually ideations are just that for me. Lately, its, been intense. 
I cant afford help. I dont know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of feeling that I'm  hurting everyone just by existing.",2.860808823529413,4.853899125000002,4.05637254901961,86.0964705882353,75.97916666666666,6.600980392156862,24.83578431372549,7.5105763829236425,1.2569181372549023,760,26,148,10,17,248,116,192,0.232,0.713,0.055,-0.9874,3,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,6,8,10,3,1,6,0,21,3,1,0,0,20,34,10,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,2,6,0,1,3,6,8,0,4,3,2,24,2,16,29,0,27,0,4,0,1,6,9,0,0,14,97,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560930017260683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913297153918584,0.0,0.0,0.08101842525283906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544608348112228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605873304372364,0.0,0.0,0.11193476335577184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233627669860426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249146969559962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086830609212255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27925942028176337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995251255581004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384216688703225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048024828605845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889064542533487,0.20267869428675506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135087595288386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268253988013326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985618274511841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275404799215855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182268110959456,0.1058959817772882,0.13180935842414135,0.0,0.13095106603646034,0.19422794054793133,0.13439368241716498,0.0,0.2588891683823279,0.12182742845110064,0.0,0.0,0.1194083113557102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665715399515905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977700915045245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950954016407067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431682943822792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906103765774112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139266805696676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632332437352905,0.0,0.0,0.12791041498130815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927865767234636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009458635600643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957750173424131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915048167236131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894150895343713,0.13693244988607434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088738060455893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312144848274826,0.0,0.0,0.09456678240481496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099116854154525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301643177021843
suicidewatch,bianco_17,2019/02/07,"'Blackpill' and Incel Forums completely ruined my life. 17M here.The whole getting 'black-pilled' thing dates back to 2 months ago. I moved to Germany for college from India, installed Tinder, got a date with a girl.\[Not exactly a date,I was just looking for friends\].We agreed to meet up,She did'nt seem interested and just blocked me after the date. I got into thinking what could the reason be. Then I don't know how I stumbled into this Black-Pill stuff,I watched FaceAndLMS's video on YT,got horribly depressed. My confidence took a huge hit, to the point where it's non-existent now. I have most other things in life in order. I have my own business, I am self-dependent since age 16. Now since I have stumbled into all this stuff, I don't have any more ambition. I just want to die ASAP. Life seems hopeless. No matter whats possible for me to do , it seems like it all comes down to genetics and being good looking. I didn't buy all this in the begining but it started to make more sense. I looked up stats of online dating, especially stuff like response rate by race and got more discouraged. Got over it for a few days, then met a girl again.Went on a date with her.Everything went well. After going on the second date she was like 'I just like korean guys and white guys, sorry'. I accepted that I'm always going to be single after that but the things that concerns me the most are how it's gonna affect my career. I read up more Black Pilled stats and found out that being succesful has a lot to do with your appearance too. You can get away with a lot more, get more favours etc. I don't know if it's just the wormhole effect but now all the BP stuff seems real and if i come up with anything to reason against that, it just seems like I'm denying reality.

It may sound stupid and might seem like I'm a whiny little teenager who cries about everything but believe me it's not.I've faced hardships in life.I've had been working hard since I was 13,can say that I wasted my childhood, avoided wasting time, haven't watched TV/Movies/ or any other stuff people do to enjoy so that I could focus on creating the life I always wanted to live but you can't cheat Biology.I can fix every other thing like Money ,Status but as far as the stuff I've seen now ,I'm fixated on the viewpoint that looks are everything in life. I searched up on people like Jeremy Meeks,he was a felon,never did shit in his life, but just because of his looks, had women raise a campaign to pay for his bail, got donations from them, became a millionaire ,cheated on his wife, had the daughter of a billionaire fall in love with him,got married and is still admired by women. So why even try when it's all about genetics :(.You can still look up on his instagram and find out that women are drooling over him. Guess it's his 'Personality'.

​

​",4.85874472276949,5.7983186595365455,5.269948869499952,83.57445890796511,69.1782531194296,8.115601838821652,28.132141851956092,8.288913261614885,1.8260737967914444,2252,75,441,31,38,718,279,561,0.093,0.789,0.118,0.9169,0,1,0,0,0,2,82.0,0,4,1,2,25,25,4,1,27,0,39,11,3,7,6,82,85,29,1,6,17,2,1,8,0,3,7,2,0,7,39,23,0,3,15,2,4,9,7,9,1,1,20,15,44,16,69,55,20,71,0,4,11,1,27,34,1,17,35,285,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286921442645202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925418160087428,0.1292446042394364,0.14494360981504886,0.0811174866263692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908045129039045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056035813095610905,0.04586117267559185,0.0,0.03635733341909623,0.0,0.0,0.0671963389348183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275295374494484,0.06253371518974264,0.0,0.0,0.09523889205945173,0.0,0.06551415950207785,0.038464286910714636,0.0,0.05136974211885368,0.0,0.06189919050830521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651682213938524,0.03939311263580611,0.0,0.05025112844263835,0.0,0.16080769913250598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451189310617209,0.0,0.0,0.06539459722821525,0.0,0.0,0.09348176840558292,0.0,0.06779207693177276,0.0500250502389547,0.33390922755818503,0.0,0.06570261081485151,0.11811031596746033,0.0,0.0,0.05342769903775988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555559006961277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948893630578811,0.2331053422495925,0.05977715605583639,0.052665158016096114,0.0,0.3005065758907526,0.0,0.0,0.10141133646773658,0.05382941686743278,0.0,0.03981163368568207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327095228945254,0.0,0.0,0.04760583747922774,0.06339022305517866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269678792492859,0.052077271223075074,0.0,0.0,0.056381159974990325,0.06723762256783525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596583431079144,0.06788588444583997,0.0,0.12264423632376607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047429873752539514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257761300812152,0.06221982529436323,0.0,0.06122186438087768,0.1480099401416935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676456336978769,0.04221505831727297,0.0,0.09526068084648577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40965631953218296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849451821586624,0.03821631548752062,0.0,0.0,0.03477784824626373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626468214393902,0.040493140874781564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035703330642079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053625503310213284,0.05528891978549708,0.053817811529101464,0.0665883897937672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342023417797944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494360981504886,0.0
suicidewatch,SHThrowAway213,2019/02/07,"I don't know where to post this, but I'm getting frustrated I can't fucking die. I've done research, I have tried hanging myself last year, but the one thing I can't fucking do is jump.  
I live in a seaside town there's plenty of fucking cliffs about.  
I know I can't hang myself I can't tie knots properly cause of my dyspraxia.  
I' have CPTSD and Psychotic symptoms this is going to be my life even when I do get help my meds aren't helping anyway.  
I'm done but there's no way out.",0.4163111888111857,2.440769057692311,2.3934265734265767,94.74248251748254,84.38461538461539,5.320279720279721,21.954545454545453,6.574015621080383,0.36724230769230815,378,13,86,4,11,126,65,104,0.102,0.8140000000000001,0.084,-0.1625,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,4,0,2,0,15,5,0,1,0,8,25,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,4,0,1,2,0,15,0,7,22,0,13,0,0,0,3,2,4,3,0,3,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974269006807568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179726326425407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979577602050356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128425303401982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392679132307471,0.20317298577938972,0.0,0.11050431745142122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606570868702613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371747447886585,0.15849395573296704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373382059768734,0.0,0.0,0.17169343685684774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597819471043814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317570808308599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621907176416969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209685000132224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917681053541774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320115003508558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433684136272952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521251432135794
suicidewatch,juswannadie,2019/02/07,"Is it selfish to purposely attempt suicide just to get a break? I’ve got a whole plan to kill myself in 6 years ( so I can save for my funeral ) but I need a break now. My family don’t know I’m depressed so it will kinda be a cry for help too. I’ll still need to wait a few months but I’m gonna do it this year and just try not to die, it’s ok if I do but I just need a break from life so I can actually wait the 6 years. I’ll probs be in the hospital for a few days and I’ll get to stay in bed because my family will be sympathetic hopefully. Everyday when I wake up I dread the whole day and just wait for the week to end which just stresses me out cus  Its all so long and it’s never gonna end till I die. I actually don’t want to get up every day and live a life like a normal person , the thought of that just makes me wanna die. I just want to sit in bed everyday till I can actually die. I sound so pathetic in all of this but no one knows me so I’m just gonna post it ",-0.9281069642170079,0.6488469203539857,2.287306656406312,96.1650615621393,86.43362831858406,6.2313197383609085,17.790688726433242,7.423996415210882,0.020178376298576328,748,18,200,13,23,269,106,226,0.141,0.6940000000000001,0.165,0.695,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,18,9,1,2,14,1,13,3,1,1,3,40,36,19,7,9,14,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,2,1,11,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,1,19,4,27,26,6,33,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,3,20,122,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.3360731729000596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997861013971132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609807692933753,0.2221018775221671,0.0,0.09887367468002084,0.0,0.4765607279954455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335046439387752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967206281558853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643900971140392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992860342692546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181289267205174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694537643047639,0.0,0.0,0.11401838561379077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700482733286078,0.0,0.12617782022348875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216769832061664,0.05608355430915739,0.0,0.101367020465229,0.10159089699445628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662725867711882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162911655076343,0.0,0.0,0.25535946248257724,0.08853779521378413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247576120967934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778877838036552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023548806649987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994288893100272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235732142089654,0.0916762784794656,0.0,0.1314984941057921,0.0,0.0,0.12556825293176585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911352454906364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779389865022501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354193759917141,0.0,0.0920824716010234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563313934768212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177468866730854
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayAnonomoose,2019/02/07,Happy Birthday to me!!!  Nothing makes you want to kill yourself more than being irrelevant on your birthday. Bonus points for a birthday right before Valentine's Day. All I want for my birthday is the strength to call it and finally end this pointless fucking existence. Here's hoping.... Maybe today is the day... Wish me luck,3.745443349753697,6.884893396551725,3.7138423645320238,83.1939655172414,80.55172413793103,5.383251231527094,30.69950738916256,6.868970318607317,2.1067507389162565,259,13,41,3,7,79,46,58,0.102,0.6559999999999999,0.242,0.8964,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,1,7,2,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,9,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,7,8,2,8,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,2,5,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503224281810992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603873737436166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31078796717070306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341178479868095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639509295122833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275606509898147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564976815344958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393195141819008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665774770659454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083720376304686,0.0,0.2420684786171513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311997595782192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277773423439229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205771528647168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22839414150888396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842392400023009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770826894188963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkElfMagic,2019/02/07,"I feel like an absolute burden. All i’ve done was make people’s lives worse. I’m a 16 y/o trans girl. My mom wants to stop me from being me. my dad accepts me . my friends could and would easily replace me, if i was gone. My dad would’ve been happier if my mom never had me. he wouldn’t have to be so in debt with child support. He wouldn’t have to interact with her. 

I have no future. I’m failing school. I can’t get my license. I can’t do anything right, I can barely tie my shoes, because no one ever had the patience for me. I don’t know how to clean anything. I don’t know how to cook, I can’t follow instructions, I don’t know how i’ll get a job. 

I give up on a lot of skills and hobbies because i can’t do them properly and never found the motivation to work through it. I exercise and it doesn’t help. 

All my relationships seem to end quickly. way too quickly. I’m a hopeless romantic, who bases her life in romance which im hoping is just a weird teenage phase thing, but it just makes me take break ups a lot harder. 

I don’t know why i’m still alive. I wish i had the courage to do something. or the motivation to want to live.",0.10056680161943277,2.0332024777327966,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,84.95141700404858,5.581376518218623,21.64574898785425,6.8449194561589275,0.3835214574898781,880,30,209,11,26,299,137,247,0.087,0.768,0.145,0.9244,2,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,5,11,11,0,0,11,0,30,4,1,7,5,43,54,12,0,10,6,4,1,1,1,3,2,0,1,2,6,6,1,1,10,2,1,2,15,4,0,1,9,1,34,7,21,39,4,19,0,2,0,0,17,6,0,7,10,130,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497230178244046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665276644608162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913771268653402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988372489057233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210688429710034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364604952731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911575548638152,0.09765303675632647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987609807744032,0.10560816469428536,0.0,0.1428322143200197,0.13112775041605465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162199579109068,0.0,0.0,0.1357663388163766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476511863661414,0.0,0.13564605790387554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004901463804278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654984394291312,0.06678097392253164,0.0,0.24140368540044105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324218827674796,0.0,0.0,0.1824864000331808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32018483880886633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085112262097636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262626886749524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476525908151193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675642010662585,0.0,0.11673451357519075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833994821190956,0.0,0.12443957475810816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523244339908104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091626812506121,0.11428091896334715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511685033094294,0.0,0.0,0.10277562994798654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081231846248246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124937030304345,0.10850001892934956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334357792433408,0.0,0.15718944784087202,0.0,0.0,0.09951365329912104,0.0,0.13930117490668392,0.19420463635843585,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelloRainClouds,2019/02/07,"My Life Is Worthless I never had any friends, except imaginary ones, no signigicant other; never dated.  
I'm really socially awkward with no social or communication skills to save me from anything.  
If I'm not unnoticed, it's always bullies, two-faced people.

I suffer from multiple mental health struggles., that has so many setbacks. I am fucked beyond repair.

THe world being cold and harsh doesn't help either. Litterally, no one cares if one commits suicide, especially not someone like me. If people talk to me, it's not long becuase I'm ghosted, ignored, etc. People can see it somehow, or feel it, that I'm worthless, and not worth anyones time. THere's a lot of fucking monsters who play people, pretend to be your friend.  


I just need to be strong enough to do what I gotta do.I will payback anything I owe, make sure my family has what they need, that sort of stuff. If this life has any purpose, it is to get people to see how lucky they are, by seeing how unlucky I am.  


On another note, I tried help with the 'professionals', no luck, I tried so many things, nothing worked. I tried to find friends, support, there is nothing. for me. I tried speaking up, when other wouldn't, there's a reason why no one does anything or speaks up, if you know what I mean? They couldn't, there's nothing.  
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suicidewatch,why_not1223,2019/02/07,"Death I view life as generally painful, I wish to avoid pain and therefore want to die. I can't find any meaning in anything that I've tried, so I see no reason to continue the fight.",5.9184210526315795,4.923511368421051,6.414736842105262,82.91315789473686,66.89473684210526,9.705263157894738,34.78947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.6144315789473684,144,6,32,2,2,47,32,38,0.441,0.476,0.083,-0.9537,0,1,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,9,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879586368623456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274502109174497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28685522578904993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526207738219368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952265429554892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30107607818675075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882092835672664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28418093850241183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025168491241345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765461992567994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302541688532354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178415545570453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lifeiscruel76,2019/02/07,Least painful way to commit Suicide? I don’t own guns only knifes but I’m scared of the pain suggestions? ,0.2592857142857169,2.3629205238095246,1.0670238095238105,96.76339285714286,105.66666666666669,4.0047619047619065,19.535714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.12994285714285736,85,3,17,1,4,26,20,21,0.412,0.469,0.119,-0.8781,0,0,0,1,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269970445022894,0.7554255554145319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553865849572524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388279227280272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817584176840918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deardreams,2019/02/07,"TW// Suicide: Help, My friend is suicidal and self harms and her parents are abusiva My friend has been telling me these days that they self harm and I’ve known for a while that their parents are abusive, their dad is an alcoholic and he slaps them often. I can only talk to them online so I can’t physically make them feel better but I don’t know what to text them to try and make them feel better... ",3.752962962962961,5.018814358024692,4.0972222222222205,89.73250000000004,72.08641975308642,7.375308641975309,24.61111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.0336814814814803,317,9,68,4,6,99,56,81,0.146,0.7609999999999999,0.094,-0.6652,2,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,8,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,14,8,2,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,15,4,4,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,20,0,0,1,2,43,19,0,0.0,0.22172715740197024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999291376501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310155549160673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068810848923907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924453280268785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891637029368406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543422021445771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028457928358682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24983126693832014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232638649410922,0.0,0.0,0.4155877592600032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904501358747843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40939577193229226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041391232845305,0.16356629126351482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705397581683334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imagine_wagons42069,2019/02/07,"I dont how to be happy Everything I try, every path I decide on turns out to putting me in another situation that eventually I end up depressed and not wanting to be around... You start to think of yourself as the issue you know?
I feel alone and anyone close to me makes me feel like a broken record for constantly falling back into sadness. Where do I go. I don't know what to do anymore. ",3.3971308016877617,4.727179873417722,5.079177215189876,82.09868143459916,73.0506329113924,7.79831223628692,28.356540084388186,8.344100000000001,1.996340084388185,306,12,61,5,6,104,58,79,0.159,0.764,0.076,-0.6908,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,16,16,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,12,2,15,14,0,15,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201472990390064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477759797472785,0.0,0.0,0.21258983462035852,0.1498871282250262,0.0,0.0,0.19082792486637867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483140318042644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316495296246851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462996431344594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512310591612825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986140196400944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060951191089494,0.0,0.19265504378997172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167760740488609,0.15314049436352212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182705449142027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281926907766453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237385837918677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23561586560227785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472660861631036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308852261007785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549335311603396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409522450381487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172676344325156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735472816521466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553795378907172,0.2331646638844365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264364586307395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ds462,2019/02/07,"How people manage to survive their depressive attacks? For the last 8 years I pray for death most nights. I get really dissappointed when I wake up in the morning because I survived another day. I hate the fact that I am alive. This feeling comes and goes. But it comes back everytime. I want my life to come to an end but I am afraid of doing it myself. I plan on committing suicide but I get coldfeet everytime because I am afraid of the physical pain it will cause me. Maybe this means I really dont want to die, maybe this is a call for help I dont know. But right now I am crying and praying for a quick death at this moment. I dont know how to get past through this.",1.4511801242236049,3.609193869565221,3.132546583850935,90.16043478260872,81.31884057971014,6.551552795031056,22.900621118012424,7.7094869923839395,1.0492012422360242,526,18,113,9,14,174,83,138,0.192,0.6609999999999999,0.146,-0.9158,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,3,6,6,2,2,7,0,10,3,1,3,2,21,23,9,4,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,0,1,19,0,16,22,1,19,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,11,74,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778257302010062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033384037218168,0.0,0.10837026952861988,0.0,0.1718252627267129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391033129498312,0.0,0.0,0.14477900578050226,0.0,0.3642089149454282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548104138854654,0.09089137709639952,0.0,0.12138705737890353,0.0,0.14626821704798149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955241004434139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482652520648226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126094032675435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089806795360808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914407548051458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094465719556137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490831460427698,0.114880786502962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954651612148044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831761805122714,0.1535194662430854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225789407257835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996471289967844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453834742943802,0.09770654208920067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805730629242383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035766877486355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415994978364975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625415831786752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075748067949184
suicidewatch,incelraidlmao,2019/02/07,"What the fuck is with people not wanting to be uncomfortable or accepting it is what it is. I got raped as a man when i was 7. WHENEVER i tell someone a friend, girlfriend they back away.

I hate. I absolutely hate the offensive culture. 

Im super liberal and im studying evolutionary biology and nobody gives a shit. Like we say the world is shitty because of reasons but people turn to religion instead of looking at answers. 

We literally have facts. 

I strongly believe in terror management theory.  

People absolutely hate not having control or the reason something shitty happened is nothing with morals, it's just the Chaos of reality. But if we accepted this we could use science to advance. 

Im fucking german and people think im Jewish. 

I love questions. I want answers. Answers are sometimes pessemestic, but it's truthful. 

Ive noticed people say i think too logically and don't have emotions.

That's complete bullshit. I love people but when i open up if it goes against their beliefs thetly back off. Ive been with many women because I just see life a bit fucked.

There is one thing I think that makes me unique. I would rather have people tell me very uncomfortable things themselves because when they do, i know they are telling the truth.



Im FUCKING TIRED of people being uncomfortable. 

LET ME EMPHASIZE. I hate when people feel psychologically uncomfortable. 

I think if we were more open to uncomfortableness, less bullshit would be running rampant. 

Fake bullshit controls so much. Maybe it's education. 

BUT IM STRESSED. These ideas are very isolating. 

Atheism and believing in no free will I think requires some strong psychological vulnerability that people wont accept. 

Im acting 24/7. Im pretty sure i have mental illness. The problem is that it sticks with me for life. So only ME can handle it.

Im very charming and can keep people in a short amount of time, but if someone knows me fully they know im completely pessimistic. 

The acting kills me. People want comfort. Never the truth. Fucking matrix. ",2.908977729662851,5.988464669398907,4.0939179296834745,78.0110006186205,88.09836065573771,5.931663058047223,28.217135787194557,7.354871404402295,2.2897083823074547,1623,78,256,29,53,527,198,366,0.251,0.612,0.13699999999999998,-0.9954,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,5,0,5,7,14,34,13,2,14,0,33,13,1,6,6,75,65,25,1,12,17,0,1,1,2,4,4,2,0,2,18,17,0,4,21,0,1,4,6,17,0,1,4,5,38,18,23,52,6,23,3,0,2,8,24,11,6,8,9,165,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052241129420456715,0.08551100893393351,0.0,0.101685764278406,0.0,0.0,0.12529175343222335,0.0,0.0,0.060704400986225565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659800145293885,0.0,0.12472765493725654,0.04439470948203685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254622697002411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02811469848431224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429589705989173,0.2570217680629145,0.0,0.053339750682460975,0.0,0.0,0.044471037379991404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916981335417955,0.0,0.0,0.2195869832800577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276935610720259,0.600611041045916,0.0,0.0,0.049422766648019874,0.061516811630511814,0.0,0.09167435634112248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056858140097610727,0.07854850842793025,0.02716496308415005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669276680855591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036829583970236,0.0,0.03711563360854373,0.05637301753761879,0.0558609870746586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056035046993185136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04087482229755856,0.0,0.042884691745397656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335286467383946,0.06330472403723142,0.0,0.0,0.037678234182791884,0.04228881419592311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46257991402080395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656854446304864,0.0,0.053204847408475336,0.0,0.0,0.06228841988891801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433890343539578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843594966221399,0.0,0.0,0.04430863003232345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057075987012555576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422498899541663,0.04280613582406072,0.05499308412711173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369339072758982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052405450929701294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579920147650152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388072181999393,0.17814174302692018,0.0,0.0,0.03242273058656435,0.06390781221042127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048042203061005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048023397307728984,0.0,0.1376356338782639,0.09838879850807422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789979760338257,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,busted_brain,2019/02/07,"Never ending Suicide is constantly on my mind. There are so many ways I could achieve my only dream. I haven’t yet because it would make my mom cry and wonder where she went wrong. She hasn’t done anything wrong at all. No one can help me. I’ve been going to counseling and taking medication after medication, it’s just dreadful. Why is nothing working? What is wrong with me? When will it end? I’ve never posted here before, I just needed to write it all out - hoping to get out of my head on this lonely night. ",1.7693048128342248,4.1819413137254955,3.181265597147952,88.77024064171125,81.94117647058823,5.277718360071302,20.057040998217467,6.574015621080383,0.3003019607843136,402,11,79,4,11,131,75,102,0.182,0.722,0.096,-0.8697,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,0,0,12,3,1,1,4,19,20,4,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,0,11,1,11,14,2,19,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,9,56,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448571368181767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221530118917512,0.0,0.12872313664547916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347358564064698,0.0,0.12078007777617696,0.0,0.1661675206209319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480594888799865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679679445419378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903448555892313,0.0,0.0859725701063056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552508925882844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139585579771716,0.0,0.0,0.15024933689719894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097665163831868,0.1533682171166445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047855277718666,0.0,0.0,0.15274374063289708,0.17717042432967856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216784527597493,0.23334385852946274,0.0,0.0,0.14196051666682824,0.0,0.14515160072160296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250726062095226,0.11505078706985485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487879362192585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654693375702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373931405605685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007435745554552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023262739521605,0.1365013666511552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640503332651195,0.11012936307160068,0.0,0.0,0.10746079657742437,0.4961835176484418,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VayneAtrius,2019/02/07,"Question about getting help. I originally thought to post this on nostupidquestions, but after reading the FAQ and sidebar thought it'd be better here.  


So basically I was wondering about getting help for suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, etc. without being high risk or admitted. Like I have lots of thoughts, I wish I was dead everyday, I struggle to study, find motivation, I indulge in short-term rewards to get away from stress, anxiety, but also challenging myself. I've done counselling, I've seen a psychiatrist when I lived in SK, but now that I'm in a different province my support has been cut off, but in the 2 years of University I haven't really attempted to find support out here either.

 I'm just scared of going to get help, because the last time I did in SK when I was at this point they forcibly admitted me into the hospital, and it was horrible. Despite saying I already have a safety plan, and although I would love to die it's not something I can do myself or cause an accident to allow it. Like I feel like I'm just being lazy, but I just find it hard to concentrate and my head just feels like its pulsating when I attempt to study. Furthermore I try to avoid thinking at all times by distracting myself with music, listening to lectures, games and shows, but when I study my thoughts just flood in about everything I tend to avoid. 

Idk, I'm just at a loss of what to do, I honestly never thought I'd even live to this age, I just hate life in general. I just can't find a purpose, I can't seem to make myself enjoy living. I'm 26, and I go to University and I work, I have no friends, I've never dated, and whenever I try to new things I just never have fun. Tried joining clubs, tried going to events, I try to put myself out there and despite this I just think I enjoy being alone, but I dislike living. I'm to go to school so I can hopefully get a decent job and maybe not live in poverty so that I can eventually retire at an old age... It's like what is there to look forward to. ",5.606993299832497,5.816254452261307,6.502123115577892,77.9823136515913,67.29145728643215,9.949916247906195,33.41750418760469,9.827888789773867,3.1467534338358463,1584,67,309,33,24,527,198,398,0.181,0.623,0.196,0.6745,2,3,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,1,9,27,28,2,7,12,0,27,3,1,5,4,72,67,28,3,3,23,0,3,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,16,14,0,2,20,4,0,6,10,11,0,0,14,7,45,17,54,47,4,48,0,2,2,1,12,21,0,7,27,207,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390945972250316,0.0894045737001418,0.06478948273173755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395598185619107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611839348085345,0.0,0.0,0.04938737671901678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165319282523429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322705504438907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697800572098622,0.0,0.08408313681855957,0.08464580504925527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290879731978712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035567364861258,0.05351114372038504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281309958230704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192953351373862,0.11575750986650565,0.0,0.0,0.29619327352398744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625937429733351,0.0,0.21164090241839525,0.0,0.1841759297031116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257556183210559,0.07998778252887405,0.08314709402175946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291250790655534,0.08559919547537471,0.0,0.08046843102428096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039714077372617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603988948729439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572248948116162,0.19790473252311566,0.0,0.3576986751098398,0.0,0.0680341033218864,0.0,0.0,0.06887798700716112,0.07312125063606999,0.0,0.054079657822252734,0.0,0.081392738662972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874565429649596,0.07824698564585515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501399784616942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658750864488496,0.0,0.07759215083540454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814447349578282,0.09075788573109736,0.0,0.08103919590415791,0.0,0.05190173867582065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442818607598265,0.0811124223286573,0.08199380404334704,0.0,0.07375508115937958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237105373098621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280501075143176,0.08469684288633401,0.0,0.0886197453637436,0.1838748791545607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053824275207396605,0.10382519246054724,0.0,0.3859119830279643,0.09448364504713004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750270461073828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316586387761,0.07809775859854336,0.0878597749545254,0.05898153854840942,0.0,0.0,0.05755234516023989,0.0,0.0,0.05217246657746692
suicidewatch,HorrorEilish,2019/02/07,I kind of tried to kill myself today I just need someone to talk/rant to like I don’t know what do to I’m ready to die ok yeah please.,-3.4558333333333344,-2.23890325,-0.6037499999999998,108.89041666666668,112.75,2.1333333333333333,8.458333333333332,3.1291,-2.5413916666666667,104,1,29,0,6,35,24,32,0.219,0.483,0.298,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579963988630373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38162834788871264,0.3592050776625462,0.18957166464975012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685217375134596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557708811323824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786438553043007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922691043883495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772521360411145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269656531032977,0.0,0.0,0.23419367026908744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeSocietyInALive,2019/02/07,"Help me. please Hi... I have a few friends but I haven’t really spoke to any of them in months, and I live alone. I don’t really hang out with anyone, some days I just sit in my bed, thinking about when this will end. I want to talk to someone, but I can’t. I don’t know what I would talk about and I’m afraid I would end up saying something weird or awkward. I’m really suffering and don’t want to live this life anymore. I’ve always tried to stay positive in my down time, and think of life as a precious gift I have received, and tell myself I have it much better than millions of people. Unfortunately, that reassurance doesn’t seem to help and I just want to cry and think of what I’m gonna do. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",1.87717624148004,3.2746342151898737,3.339873417721517,92.76466893865627,77.10126582278481,6.633690360272638,20.381694255111974,7.321109707123232,0.2668699123661145,578,13,136,7,13,190,91,158,0.108,0.669,0.223,0.9539,0,1,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,1,5,9,0,2,3,0,13,2,0,0,0,25,28,12,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,0,7,9,0,0,5,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,2,19,5,24,23,3,17,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,3,7,83,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623536854859427,0.0,0.0,0.12551949525674885,0.0,0.0,0.10258334524163013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496029167793199,0.10547800467592283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334147904867479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570192006496812,0.09728593396413933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672170997108121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165465316379856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222349024079864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290335423735591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130999904090596,0.0,0.0,0.26640707505421923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040723313192575,0.0,0.11089229336001616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458057194438654,0.0,0.0,0.1655882788394977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089107570039945,0.0,0.2899156053612986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996217625268575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732840522838954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781493024555782,0.11613189500505712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607862989441986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342061707086055,0.2424954392814676,0.13184977053510047,0.13888264603314088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28997625409007505,0.0,0.0,0.1759239918189353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241742004184208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669261636924247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431938393316946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoodyCPU,2019/02/07,"I've accepted my fate. Glock 17 to the temple. I was born with an incurable lung disease that has robbed me of all pleasure, joy, and satisfaction; living with it is nightmarishly painful year round and inhumane. It's twisted me into a complete stranger at 26 and destroyed everything I've ever cared about. I absolutely refuse to take any more loss or senseless suffering. As soon as the background check is finished and the Glock 17 is purchased legally I'm ending it. I have too much pride and self-respect to carry on what I feel is a lowly existence. Dying honorably by my own hand is the only decision that gives me back control over my life again.",6.361158536585367,7.371745065040653,6.619258130081303,74.99035060975609,65.82926829268294,9.727235772357725,35.70020325203252,9.827888789773867,3.64309837398374,525,25,91,11,8,169,91,123,0.117,0.698,0.185,0.856,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,1,0,7,0,8,4,2,1,2,16,13,8,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,10,6,14,12,4,12,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,1,8,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729475045918094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004733012189089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26581573376313977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733541161332494,0.0,0.29241339858220466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705804134524992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309155979465389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583112516541535,0.0,0.0,0.2343133157871184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182504774979178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501010346812338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841503098453046,0.0,0.0,0.23021561531769136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165510183744455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982850697748114,0.27741853178103193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719820067894458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602480259479785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789154295979708
suicidewatch,nessa1177,2019/02/07,"Looking for a Friend Im just going to be honest and say lately Ive been struggling with suicidal thoughts... Im not religious but I believe in the spirit world and life after death, its something I think about often
Ive been dealing with some health issues that seem out of my control, and when they get worse is when the suicidal thoughts start coming back...
Im looking for a spiritual friend who might understand what Im going through",6.707142857142856,7.077424000000002,6.554857142857145,77.99014285714289,64.95238095238095,9.100952380952384,34.65714285714286,8.841846274778883,2.949317142857143,352,15,63,5,5,111,60,84,0.212,0.677,0.11,-0.9153,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,1,0,19,19,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,3,6,3,11,13,1,12,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,4,6,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988349029085852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100260473398495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309817364525093,0.0,0.0,0.16027772600471324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473265896614668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208128140487028,0.0,0.07466085428174668,0.0,0.16242999454076767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189907407776707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174385106211654,0.14915347455286115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612006678276085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093652701338623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000484860260946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159736801260734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364210219503645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300934106794901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001361506204314,0.0,0.0,0.10114739070339804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493931128766287,0.0,0.31262510315741665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156639237139098,0.0,0.2268978412741704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876693299993984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563023853542958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,haylo-bro,2019/02/07,"Ah I messaged my friend kinda asking if they could talk and they don’t even respond great I just needed someone to talk to everything is so hard :,( ",4.8224137931034505,5.880851413793106,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,69.34482758620689,7.179310344827586,28.29310344827586,7.1686216300943375,1.5249172413793102,117,4,22,1,2,37,25,29,0.056,0.7240000000000001,0.22,0.7531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078454588424163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629144814105371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749559567166316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959482336820448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441174429838065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630478214087245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29498276348494845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441673446039717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27900975596728833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5293481223759782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swansquishy,2019/02/07,"all i feel is love & sadness A lot of times I want to kill myself out of bitterness and anger, like I'm completely filled with rage and need to unleash it on myself. These episodes are painful but seem to pass quicker. Other times killing myself feels like this quiet, inevitable, totally rational and ""right"" decision. It feels like the decision to put down a pet. This is where I'm at right now and it actually scares me more than the angry, violent times.

I don't even feel mad at anyone, I just feel sad. There are no thoughts of punishing anyone. I can't pretend like no one will be affected and I feel very deeply sad about the pain I'd cause.

So often I feel like I hate everyone. I feel like a hateful, empty monster. I've spent so much time thinking about what was taken from me or how I was hurt during my life. I've spent so much time thinking about how my parents hurt me, about partners who cheated, about real and paranoid imaginary things. But I don't feel that right now, I just feel really sad and hopeless. I think about my parents and feel like I just couldn't help them. I feel disappointed in myself.

I have to confess that one of the main things that really makes me want to kill myself is that I feel like I actually don't enjoy drawing anymore. This feeling has come and gone over the years but it's been sticking a lot harder the past year. I just haven't been able to bounce back. People think it's because I doubt my work and they try to help me by assuring me that I'm good. I love them for it but that's not really the problem. It's that I feel absolutely no joy when I try to draw. I feel like my whole inner world has died. I know this probably sounds stupid to a lot of people... maybe it sounds like an unimportant thing to die for. That's just where I am though. That's just my reality. There's nothing for me without making art.

I don't want to live if I hate drawing this much. I actually realized today that the one thing stopping me right now is my best friend / roommate. I don't want him to be alone, I don't want him to ever have to find my body. I love him so much, I feel like he's my real family.

I'm traveling right now but I keep thinking that I'm going to kill myself when I get back. I know that there's a lot of stuff I have to put in order which will take a few weeks. I should be getting paid for a few jobs which will allow me to cover rent, I have to mail some things out, I have to give some drawings to people. I want to do some good.

I feel so alone and dark right now. It feels really heavy. I feel like a child alone in the dark and I don't remember how to get back home.

These suicidal feelings scare me more than the impulsive, angry ones because this feels more like the real me or it feels more like my best self. I feel capable of real love for the first time in a while. I feel less foggy. I guess it scares me that sometimes my best self is the one that wants to kill itself. ",2.2939659273545487,3.876157177049184,3.5055255544840915,91.23316457730631,76.40983606557377,6.817100610736097,22.288653166184503,7.583002386737751,0.7084333011893276,2298,63,511,31,51,746,237,610,0.246,0.588,0.16699999999999998,-0.9969,4,3,0,0,0,5,63.0,0,0,3,5,39,58,16,4,24,0,37,8,1,8,4,111,107,32,8,12,16,2,25,14,2,4,3,3,3,4,45,16,0,2,40,3,4,8,15,31,0,6,10,29,82,27,59,89,25,55,1,8,0,4,24,21,0,14,39,336,127,2,0.041345464912067136,0.0,0.12104162879748548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846429752728286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479779395827197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041003591334933566,0.057819420792918776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537633124241543,0.0,0.050407623311330314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130168543838214,0.0,0.0,0.04592549084944312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247318159716621,0.0,0.03561545704408868,0.04334993332991414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582012994330547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027308289636053862,0.037399340085502684,0.0,0.03950736354445372,0.0,0.0,0.03897682466695107,0.0,0.5226377337940444,0.3249092923383481,0.0,0.0,0.037789005893377366,0.03516843133286377,0.0,0.0,0.031943403629202914,0.0,0.06480389683626551,0.03966233738323898,0.023497580516140558,0.06935722869189137,0.0,0.0,0.04554669092957229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246026046788056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542598721112536,0.0,0.04147287240995603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852235063122546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041028994215332605,0.03674974892320616,0.2287131554247029,0.0,0.0454447724767045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029203524598055187,0.2827902800230926,0.0,0.03650880300138705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060174296169026,0.14926358527146194,0.0,0.055196837763202916,0.0,0.04153707671236606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157469592213767,0.03065713834581415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03967208867648351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008378526729465,0.0,0.08798897947692261,0.0,0.09181849175792227,0.0,0.039468924595438236,0.08599121847149736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044577404114630986,0.0395620260938448,0.0,0.08312722386132583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824076297658587,0.10594785413522388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046836351928676315,0.21185280676273865,0.0,0.0,0.1241820694549504,0.0,0.0,0.0376393584288821,0.08626467402825842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040891721998834736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034566659993855234,0.0,0.0,0.04733066550850278,0.04522522797330033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031086644107278738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734044860774686,0.13246252229475142,0.04062170935371464,0.032823680806934666,0.1446532384898856,0.0,0.039190666338319885,0.0,0.0,0.05614171337539638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034114338599828126,0.17070638500436658,0.0,0.033164838032461987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616073504264832,0.0,0.039855552758876665,0.0,0.030099990878095374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325024767811315
suicidewatch,lonelyASFlmao,2019/02/07,"Lmao my ""best friend"" kissed the only girl I was ever interested in AGAIN Lmao why can't I have a loaded fucking pistol right fucking here I would send a bullet straight through my skull right fucking now lmaoooo",8.823,8.003191300000001,7.255000000000003,78.67000000000004,61.0,9.0,37.5,7.1686216300943375,2.68825,172,7,31,1,2,51,32,40,0.0,0.547,0.453,0.9698,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,0,3,0,4,5,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,5,1,8,0,0,0,4,3,4,3,0,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707563590364401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333768709397717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993310996693037,0.7155539011200706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622155093252308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406632579528798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328059681368023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327666160218284,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rllyconfuzzled,2019/02/07,"Depression w/ school It’s just been so hard going to school lately. I oftenly come to school late and the kids a good one to two days of school each week. I’m maintaining a 4.4 gpa (senior year) but it just doesn’t make sense because I don’t even have any interest in school yet I just do good on assignments. On top of this, when I get off the bus off to home there’s always this sense of loneliness that hits me. My family is so dysfunctional it’s probably why I am feeling so down lately. Short back story, my father used to be such a gambling feen as well as an alcoholic. Now, he has severe diabetes and can’t even see or help himself. Now he expects my family to take care of him when all he did was ruin our family prior. His lack of parenting and stupidity has made me question who I am and he is the reason why I never let my friends home over. Hence why I lost most of my friends because I would never let them get close to me. My mother, an absolute workaholic also doesn’t have friends however is very kind, but is blinded by the fact that her “husband” is tearing our family apart. It’s not even school that stresses me out, it’s the fact how no one is able to relate with me, and how my father is a ABSOLUTE moron who can’t take care of himself when I WARNED THAT MOFO shit like this will happen if you continue your bad habits and no one will take care of you. GOdDamn it now he’s really fucked up and I don’t wanna help this man. Cus of this asshole I have to work 20hours a week at a bum ass job to help pay bills with a frown on my face. Shit man what happened when life was easy, fun, and now life is just full of absolute shit. I see no reason, no motivation to just keep going. I don’t want to spend another minute feeling like absolute shit because my friends are starting to see this shit and I ain’t wanna confess. I hate them seeing me so vulnerable Fuck dude I feel so weak. I Feen on video games to ease the pain and when the feen session is over I am back to feeling like shit. Anyhow all my interests in hobbies are gone. My appetite is basically shit. Luckily my metabolism is fast as shit but I don’t eat anyways so fuck. Anyhow, I don’t know if I’ll wake up on time for school

If you got to the end, thank you, it is very confusing and I am sorry, I just needed to get this out, I ducking hate life",2.154483589280339,3.7465417654320974,3.819346582354715,88.79242547425476,76.81893004115227,7.292903743852253,23.58205359831377,8.096554002634818,1.171005781391147,1822,57,400,31,41,609,225,486,0.27,0.594,0.136,-0.9983,3,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,2,5,2,4,35,41,15,2,17,0,44,23,11,8,6,66,85,35,0,10,14,5,5,3,4,3,8,0,2,3,21,18,2,1,10,2,4,4,17,23,1,4,8,10,56,18,53,70,6,54,1,3,5,4,39,22,13,10,31,261,77,15,0.058830466792692875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287187751396821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704670303925427,0.048951661181954695,0.0,0.0,0.04000673480169816,0.06168887395503263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047399515116916,0.04912098242165897,0.10758751953652383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994474522068482,0.0,0.0,0.050677237936374235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379407841582004,0.0,0.05067059484341893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060198254571060573,0.0,0.0,0.0521063317706616,0.0,0.0,0.11657090541968095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184051325875234,0.0,0.11898580667251825,0.08405699446316578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180909083500746,0.16316345570499666,0.09220947228362908,0.0,0.06686942005385325,0.0986884087062384,0.04705209855953602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404717498835617,0.0,0.0527005427649374,0.116165812497249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182984653943744,0.0,0.11802350987227155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838016060180355,0.052291221982014184,0.0,0.061262878088449414,0.03233168599964087,0.0,0.19908998705076994,0.0,0.0,0.12031627636320293,0.12466109555783768,0.08622478329974811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642204040589397,0.0,0.0,0.05566681014042399,0.03926979341018387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362204568864377,0.09074736554752083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959514052952895,0.0,0.0625997645237414,0.0,0.06532427125693098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342919345683402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590358679264298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768830346759626,0.12097503612659267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167770124204989,0.1875210609102552,0.0,0.0,0.06646168204913105,0.4831090299693983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585589105316249,0.041640507194618835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739010094363068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269956845852926,0.0,0.0,0.05416318970022402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03430451828890086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746881765529741,0.0,0.0,0.05081063443560842,0.0,0.09708259265775557,0.03469973355916599,0.0,0.09438050372409004,0.0,0.05289565490166165,0.0,0.15925603735996133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042829280492558235,0.0,0.0,0.04179147568097668,0.0,0.0,0.037884891781874507
suicidewatch,Gonnabgonesoon1,2019/02/07,Last act I’m gonna have some fun before I go. I’m doing the world a favor by going but first I want to burn through all my cash on movies booze hookers etc.  Then I’ll burn all my stuff so no one else can have it and disappear 😁,-1.2837106918238987,0.4861761320754745,1.2134905660377378,102.0955817610063,89.56603773584905,4.2880503144654085,14.4937106918239,5.46131890053228,-1.1986327044025158,177,3,47,1,6,60,44,53,0.119,0.775,0.106,-0.4018,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,6,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,4,9,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114792418783282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30578550013194233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082394345106927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113595966396656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41606616583304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29837735751146904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804308422948754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419036515502562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215904147004163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,52lev,2019/02/07,"No free will makes making me seriously consider suicide I’m a 18 year old senior and have never had enough will power to accomplish any goal I’ve set. My entire value system has always revolved around intellect, becoming a scientist and feeling good about possessing more mental prowess than an average person. But every single year, since 5th grade or so, I’ve had an incredible problem with procrastination. I’ve always failed to adhere consistently to self study of a particular academic subject. 
      I had a natural proclivity for philosophy but buried it in the fucking ground. The creative thinking and revelations that frequently came to me have been dulled by the incessant distraction of YouTube, games, and the like, to which I have time and time succumbed to. There is an national biology competition I promised myself as a freshman to become a top 20 finalist in; its been 4 months since I opened a biology textbook for the exam next week. My grades are shit now just in time for college applications. Always knew I had the capacity to make Harvard or another university I would feel in place at but didn’t go through the simple steps that could have easily gotten me there. It’s the will power I’m convinced is completely absent in me, the procrastination. I had a list of 8 colleges to apply to. Missed the deadline by a month for 5 and just now submitted applications to 3 low choice state schools a week late. Fuck me
     I am pessimistic of free will being accessible to me. I must have been dealt a bad hand by genetics and cultural factors. It can’t be a coincidence that I see similar tendencies in character in my father and in other people of my cultural identity. 
     There is a good chance I’m going to kill myself. Wether it’s this year, 5 years, or even 10 years down the line. I can’t live knowing no thought of mine will ever come to fruition. ",7.2352422360248445,7.928714602898554,7.952795031055902,67.30608695652178,63.84057971014493,11.556935817805385,36.13871635610766,11.303756567709739,4.451480331262942,1498,68,252,43,21,501,204,345,0.133,0.741,0.126,-0.7509999999999999,3,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,6,12,19,4,1,27,0,32,4,2,3,3,36,53,16,2,4,8,1,3,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,11,13,0,0,6,1,2,5,6,12,0,0,13,4,24,9,43,30,3,46,0,4,1,2,6,17,3,3,22,167,35,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936188553771056,0.0,0.0,0.07998864863977477,0.1233394749216826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471068409610693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982114892215561,0.0,0.2598138921608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453101699944034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013230347195153,0.12332698115984415,0.0,0.0,0.09391353936881587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153748332437175,0.0,0.07768982932043306,0.1063980346870012,0.09910365875275404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894889610741542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174837877327336,0.0,0.0,0.13369735300682767,0.1973155891864167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301340087211004,0.0,0.06464331278660171,0.0,0.1326854849217819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746535701710166,0.0,0.10386453020940414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23554566920895595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853776391885736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777340204672024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071921482402176,0.0,0.12509491998859462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234270569328254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154597224434687,0.10270511879066728,0.12289249845471205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255069781973584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904220688585256,0.09373144501829928,0.0,0.12270793760715795,0.0,0.12073979120161896,0.19460029461907954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866203958759154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536898784643459,0.0,0.09338066182630478,0.20576326014372556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870245193093704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355702311005503,0.0,0.0,0.3787313951659486
suicidewatch,LShalan,2019/02/07,Too hard I’m tired of bringing everyone down. If I end it now I can never hurt them again,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,2.4700000000000024,95.165,84.0,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.28200000000000003,70,2,17,1,2,24,18,20,0.204,0.664,0.132,-0.1341,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37555875277320294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051723973256315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798415555019876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45392567111946597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270328793483606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873523625658649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Smashbroschamp,2019/02/07,"note Hello, I just wanted to say I hope your life has much more understanding and fullfillness than mine, I want to say I hope you have more strength than I to not do what i am about to, this really hurts and i wish i had someone with me, I'm sorry my son, i am selfish, I dont want to but I feel like I have to, I love you. Mental health is harsh and even harder when no one believes you.  I want to be the one there for you in your hard times but I cant. Please dont hate me forever.",-0.3847979797979768,1.3296107222222242,1.896498316498317,98.9528787878788,85.2962962962963,5.4087542087542095,16.2996632996633,6.574015621080383,-0.5827518518518517,370,7,96,4,11,125,66,108,0.172,0.642,0.18600000000000005,0.1583,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,1,5,8,1,0,1,0,12,3,0,0,0,17,24,6,0,7,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,4,25,5,13,22,3,3,0,1,0,1,11,1,0,2,3,69,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952617175386305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943048355888196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110762802978368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850570133752382,0.12017629837168035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506919487692111,0.1660822806289557,0.0,0.17880984006738124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33416054603894313,0.0,0.0,0.1800828345044159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881865878247765,0.08218372427773613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182498731848426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695260485984203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366094940743848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798025528385704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846548858499769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776594694041844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675503618674088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253213765989428,0.0,0.0,0.18830835585504613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809035052259113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751228021535884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396881716769114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344453190679192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Izzysocool,2019/02/07,Ugh I know I have to be strong and do this for my son but it’s just so fucking hard. Sometimes the only thoughts going through my head are everything I hate about myself and how much I want to die. Today my coworker told me that our bosses don’t respect me and I don’t really believe it’s true but it still hurt so bad. My evening just spiraled out of control and I feel so bleh fucking awful. Fuck,0.43250000000000105,2.7263420119047623,2.155047619047618,94.57328571428572,87.21428571428572,4.788571428571427,22.685714285714287,6.2581,0.4262657142857145,315,12,68,3,10,103,60,84,0.325,0.5670000000000001,0.108,-0.9813,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,2,9,10,4,0,1,1,6,4,1,3,1,17,16,10,1,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,2,14,3,7,13,1,4,0,1,0,3,3,1,3,0,2,48,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703300421533298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22983620332597954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288014164957736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117180066786156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347389394858083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833404994978121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314765944726756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657793659245065,0.0,0.0,0.11593692323547047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827423888553405,0.2014060668573653,0.20936108800737194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838437712142528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211211925555503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996220758578366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514988387813602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068652135696335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175951439292195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291328931805407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195184688930753,0.0,0.0,0.1933665158287972,0.19492909797001828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032347051014952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,overthinker356,2019/02/08,"I won't do it, but I want to. This is my first time seriously having suicidal thoughts that I didn't just dismiss. I'm depressed, lonely, and emotionally numb and exhausted. I won't do it. Something holds me back, even though I desperately want to be at peace. Perhaps it's just guilt. Maybe I still hold hope. I won't do it. But I wish I didn't want to.",0.18448948948948998,2.4515406621621665,2.4463963963963984,92.16782282282284,88.32432432432432,5.991591591591593,21.735735735735737,7.3871296695380915,0.7759717717717719,275,10,63,5,9,93,46,74,0.319,0.495,0.18600000000000005,-0.9313,0,2,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,0,0,14,18,5,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,11,1,4,11,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144812076351196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564486275024706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946946841357974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303675524485673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228419035389162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602074116906196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26319630677914296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168667698838733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092193027304615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865659771447937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573961559930983,0.20798458262015096,0.15276391257952096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46357162219766707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012665711128187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaycolorretake,2019/02/08,"Goodbye I just want to be able to say goodbye to someone.

It has been an absolute pleasure to have met and had an awesome time with everyone.

I am so sorry I wasn't stronger, but my building is burning and I have to jump.

I can see the end now. At least I know that when everything is black I will be at peace.

I am so, so, so sorry.

Good luck to you all, I hope everything works out.

What is one more body?",-0.2972413793103428,1.7495524367816129,1.9087471264367828,96.8734655172414,87.85057471264368,5.319080459770115,22.49310344827586,6.742157984588678,0.4768813793103441,310,12,74,4,10,104,60,87,0.054000000000000006,0.6990000000000001,0.247,0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,3,0,15,1,1,0,1,11,20,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,11,4,10,13,3,8,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,4,56,14,1,0.2368293167409383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630639815514905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097604799670768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263005612433693,0.4256938380885142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864119459147228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522494883606546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015519885911506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604816742145518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883361783051361,0.0,0.0,0.1887223030475243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006647115344156,0.0,0.0,0.5302220611794751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138097079122556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968806704981993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724145632109521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoHeart_NoSoul,2019/02/08,"I am God's mistake. All I do is harm people. I have made no people's life better. The world would be a better place without me. I am a mistake. I am a total, 100%, good for nothing, fuckup. The people who don't think so are the people that don't know the real me. God fucked up creating me because I'm an absolute loser. My parents should have stopped at my older brother, because I've only hurt them and myself throughout our lives. Thank you for reading this, if anyone does.",1.4345360824742244,3.637875597938148,3.3991855670103104,87.96888144329898,81.68041237113404,4.7047422680412385,23.1020618556701,5.6839178017228535,0.4905513402061854,371,13,71,2,10,125,68,97,0.218,0.638,0.14300000000000002,-0.8442,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,1,3,1,10,1,0,8,0,13,2,0,1,2,14,19,3,0,5,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,14,4,5,15,2,6,0,2,0,1,6,4,1,1,2,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155264188569227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293781544970595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327910536245504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646435573203588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393342885960586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780384070201356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014089544960559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339743631497693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288963329492468,0.0,0.0,0.16613205117077084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802367177561773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052647373299305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308979568032532,0.0,0.0,0.20890844285651614,0.0,0.0,0.5217334389846008,0.0,0.19656742104951586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819202834136145,0.21414577784201105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729439627707373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173215060844867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055322948410525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813613207238128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365004983905546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babystrippervic,2019/02/08,Lorazepam OD How many mgs of lorazepam/Ativan would I need to take to kill myself?,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,2.2800000000000007,92.965,85.25,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.36865000000000014,66,2,12,0,2,20,14,16,0.266,0.7340000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622711345639423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5152562314193235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768393630041899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821188733006571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610255508655394,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,humanramen,2019/02/08,"Blocked I knew her for a while, and I finally got the courage to ask her out. I wanted to finally be happy because I’m tired of seeing everyone around me happy in relationships or in love and it made me feel worse about myself, like there was something wrong with me. 

She said yes. Two days later, she blocked my number. 

We tried so hard to meet up, and once we finally did she lied to me. I would’ve rather her be honest with me than pull something out of the blue like this. 

If you ever read this, and I doubt you will, thank you for making me feel like a piece of shit who can’t figure out what’s wrong with himself. You only made me feel more alone in this cruel, heartless world.",3.5352857142857133,4.5132505285714295,4.114285714285714,90.5007142857143,72.28571428571428,7.028571428571429,23.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.6284428571428573,534,13,117,5,10,169,90,140,0.209,0.606,0.185,-0.487,0,1,2,0,0,0,15.0,2,4,0,0,6,15,3,1,4,1,6,3,1,3,1,29,21,8,0,3,3,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,13,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,7,7,27,9,22,11,2,17,0,0,2,1,19,9,1,3,10,79,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514010640609448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247520168249602,0.13100957281411307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542647200710796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037704419009104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676232161020684,0.0,0.1339073125927882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125730743228108,0.10011420258747887,0.0,0.4605410892393643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208069851747116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29835778405109714,0.1255356047057105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539219795956853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647949507675968,0.2652028349759409,0.09354281765947224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492417813012846,0.0,0.10658082459500134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017534561051911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045514672759058,0.0,0.0,0.1333027798813652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167138202648272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384905029941036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157692685690796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901971052054326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106735204000708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514411097053976,0.0,0.13689389895391796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265668258686508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281200573496844,0.09954960415788867,0.30643654458043945,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigdorkass,2019/02/08,"20 years of love 20 years and my wife left me. Living with another guy now. 
We have 2 older teenagers who still rely on us so i cant stop communicating 
With her. This has turned my life upside down,  i thought we were together forever. Losing my house.  Cant afford a big enough place For me and my children so they will no longer be a part of my daily life, maybe hardly at all. Started finding very bad ways to fill the hole in my heart which has become another problem that is now out of my control. I have been trying to find reasons to keep going but everyday find less of a desire. I have figured out the best way that i can end this 
without 
any possibility of failure and have been getting 
Closer and far more serious these last few weeks. I have driven 
around more than once lately with a loaded gun in my mouth to get more comfortable with it and reaffirming my thoughts. I now have no doubt 
About what i am doing. I really think i am doing this tomorrow. I am not scared, i have accepted that i am 
a horrible Person for the pain i will cause my children and even my wife(we are still legally married), and have pretty much become numb to all the things that have created hesitation to this point. The worst part is that i caused our marriage to spiral due to my addiction problems that lost me a very good job and caused legal issues. This created a huge depression and really hurt the relationship between us and i didnt treat her with the love i have so deeply for her. This is all my fault, i cant really be mad at life , only myself.  I dont deserve to kill myself but i must. I will not get through this pain. Its been alkost 8 months since she brought up divorce. 5 months since it became a for sure, and 3 months since she moved out of our house of 19 years and got a placecwith him. The pain is getting worse every day. Why should i continue through this suffering. I love her more than my own children,  and if you knew me you would know i love my children more than anything. I have lost everything. I had everything i ever wanted and my actions have caused me to lose them. I will never have the happiness i threw away so why keep going? Seriously? Anybody got anything that can make me think differently?",3.627783924503742,5.292736548974943,4.434743898470554,85.60787243735766,73.03189066059225,7.659511877643997,25.982492678164657,8.329178653251315,1.621573459160429,1751,59,352,29,35,563,224,439,0.195,0.6679999999999999,0.136,-0.9822,3,0,0,1,1,1,38.0,6,2,2,7,13,33,2,2,18,0,47,14,2,7,7,66,76,21,1,8,6,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,6,23,25,0,4,12,0,0,8,11,22,0,0,16,1,70,11,46,51,17,54,0,7,0,4,32,19,0,2,25,254,93,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881675127986436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916590500158451,0.15162393689770026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899208942175493,0.06436157672952797,0.0,0.0,0.06792743655964692,0.0,0.06036677492673746,0.0,0.15969747404532084,0.0,0.0,0.07587350322145042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970845937780344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108965064475017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662697415457468,0.0,0.062271156713833264,0.0,0.0,0.07553722943416834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473407182083936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403559227004574,0.07470435444119224,0.0,0.0477529103555622,0.06539872537833044,0.06091515676793755,0.0,0.12995563822120124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824035502426526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109329889962134,0.0,0.08217855244060675,0.06064110144528099,0.11564847865590595,0.0,0.0,0.07158753082810111,0.0,0.07696379545510709,0.06476584235019528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856748474055566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684703681389032,0.07739774131763234,0.0,0.0,0.07546153445917042,0.07174575591716834,0.1285256227546642,0.07998830357880901,0.0,0.03973372509100464,0.05893346139369925,0.08155659656324794,0.0,0.07855324402382602,0.0,0.15320109506487234,0.0,0.0,0.06384147891167759,0.0,0.0,0.1617685232523909,0.1578461376953551,0.0,0.26101124244000523,0.0,0.04826024772596528,0.0,0.07263421939318318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731254885008027,0.07684256044853906,0.05314819815930345,0.0,0.05576156584346003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699624104635895,0.0,0.05498676570249293,0.2307941968484657,0.0,0.0,0.15658587986747358,0.0,0.0,0.06312883389715705,0.07553722943416834,0.0,0.06834607112465434,0.08150643470819653,0.0,0.0735542331858665,0.0,0.13836105524892034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389500710675398,0.07433557328841096,0.0,0.07762223583164346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723840673715094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941982571070278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117371440324405,0.0,0.11547639799189913,0.0604453313618909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814109845820125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803234635317237,0.0926527590986394,0.0,0.11479490718772363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908638076116389,0.07864071998750101,0.0,0.0,0.17393396427588612,0.0,0.0,0.11930875017863568,0.042643915135954384,0.11477540881622406,0.057994021545384127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304774848964729,0.0,0.0,0.0696938059259957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367901617098281,0.05135924572179064,0.0,0.0,0.1396748572140825
suicidewatch,darkpositive,2019/02/08,"silence Death is greater than a force of nature

A monumental catalyst of strife

Pain, under a single nomenclature

The omnipresent antidote to life


Yet death is also sated with salvation

The cries of anguish filled with joy and hope

A paradox of favorable damnation

And thus the only savior is the rope


The curse of life is burdensome, oppressive

A weed inside a perfect empty tomb

A banshee that’s judgemental and aggressive

Who screams until the cleansing sense of doom


Through blood and tears a life has been created

A pinnacle of helplessness and pain

The vitriol of shining blades serrated

Will cure with blood the existential bane

",7.9245454545454574,10.110319045454547,7.257954545454549,67.51693181818182,63.09090909090909,11.31818181818182,39.20454545454545,11.20814326018867,5.310454545454545,525,28,75,16,8,163,74,110,0.337,0.537,0.126,-0.9805,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,11,1,1,17,0,7,7,2,1,1,11,8,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,0,4,16,6,2,4,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,51,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268239224015736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115612610869743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817149386730161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6010223211967358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157182593480759,0.6036182437201859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,recklessindignation,2019/02/08,"I guess is working, but I hate feeling like this Lately my desire to do it is becoming stronger and stronger with each passing night. Yet, I have so many things that bind me to this life like my dog, my job responsibilities  and other family members. I don't want to feel like this, I wish that my desire to live was self-sustainable through peace and happiness. I can't stand such indignation.",7.601400000000003,7.15978590666667,7.2985000000000015,76.13175000000003,63.26666666666666,10.7,34.75,10.125756701596842,3.223600000000001,313,12,61,6,4,99,52,75,0.063,0.513,0.424,0.9895,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,13,5,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,11,4,6,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,40,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480966931861788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177014054379972,0.0,0.22716897496866426,0.3209650260841471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24746574975972865,0.0,0.0,0.239132938847244,0.0,0.2217850119219064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292005430393624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25340315538264385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586695314805446,0.3292425573582813,0.0,0.1983608056519095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277492077152658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080896554421188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23434800421825094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924051075239206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249820503409904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258324353764296,0.0,0.0,0.16354024097879316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redbedthrowaway,2019/02/08,I'm tired Much older than most here it seems. I just want to disappear. Like in go to sleep and be gone. I don't think anyone would notice for weeks if not months. I'm not close to anyone. I have a daughter though who's in college and I don't want to cause her pain. I could care little about anyone else. I'm not worth anyone's time or effort. I'm a hermit these days. Isn't this the next step?,-1.1305172413793088,0.934216091954024,0.8007183908045974,102.23487068965521,94.97701149425288,3.3597701149425294,10.698275862068963,4.7782277997778095,-1.8121103448275864,308,3,75,1,12,100,60,87,0.12,0.777,0.102,-0.354,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,7,3,1,1,0,17,18,5,0,5,6,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,9,14,2,14,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,7,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440516030795608,0.199308718451388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832609526338188,0.1998256141183759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530838486052662,0.0,0.0,0.12544930218604178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249649251626672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105501938015175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503264219134623,0.1949601335721596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526400126990614,0.0,0.1429945754023572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687421758631566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146229942651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069829854799284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708369446886107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946604713655492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464055608673208,0.19111490387350172,0.0,0.11342617124693195,0.2235721150148855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294658614797287,0.0,0.15603220379928756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381814208067789,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aaaa1092837465,2019/02/08,"I'm so fucking anxious I hate it IRL I am outgoing/friendly and a ""successful"" student. However, I like to keep to myself TOO much. I have an irrational fear of posting on the internet. I want to throw up and my palms are sweaty typing this. I'm so afraid of what anyone has to say.

I'm 20 and no drivers license bc I suck at it and am too anxious to practice. I'm not looking for advice on this point, because the only thing that helps me is professional lessons which we are too poor to afford on a regular basis. I try practicing with my mom, it ends in tears and yelling every time, and no one else cares enough/is able to teach me. It's just SO embarrassing being this age and still not able to have any kind of independence, especially because I live in a very unwalkable/built-around-cars area (think huge, wide roads, somewhat far-apart business, very few crosswalks and even no sidewalks on many major roads)


I feel like my boyfriend doesn't give a shit/ only likes me for my body which I know is not true based on how he acts, HOWEVER he also does not make much attempt to communicate with me the way I desperately ask him to so that I dont feel so alone in this relationship. I just want to feel wanted and it's very iffy on a day to day basis if I will get this validation from him,  I usually dont. I should probably break up w him but it sucks because he is otherwise so sweet, we celebrated 1 year together on the 4th and now I dont think I can do it until after valentines. My mom says other guys would treat me like a queen, I see nothing worth that kind of treatment, while also knowing I do deserve better than this???

Haha my issues have issues what a fuckin incoherent rant

TLDR I want to die bc i'm a goddamn loser and I feel like nothing will change that fact ",2.865641735918743,4.5594532049861485,4.367819944598338,85.18016943674981,75.12188365650971,7.361809787626963,26.16075715604801,8.131152278815165,1.5843140535549396,1401,51,289,23,30,467,199,361,0.136,0.746,0.117,-0.4418,4,1,0,0,1,1,38.0,2,0,0,6,17,24,6,3,13,1,23,5,3,3,2,45,52,24,1,7,8,2,4,5,0,4,0,3,0,1,23,15,0,1,9,0,2,2,11,10,0,1,0,10,39,14,38,47,5,36,0,1,2,2,17,19,5,2,17,179,62,5,0.18578743649774712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077466636130636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962098768262243,0.0,0.14857414584409634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631709138705653,0.0,0.0,0.20988692095113654,0.0,0.06495344768614338,0.0,0.0,0.08269510385344804,0.08684308683249538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698814453085789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215694486318684,0.0,0.10318397958476587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471133679650848,0.0,0.0982692366398307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981752672990705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640901351563197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129191883930972,0.0,0.3266122378541001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760078173535771,0.0,0.08227626205215441,0.09598404300721504,0.0,0.06135542480185865,0.0,0.07826696409789162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045312590209501,0.18787942036225191,0.13272658175607566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176945628624841,0.0858787456516499,0.04853313373820715,0.0891121191116426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197938579596307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917133149248719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226470122667836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391381461227328,0.0,0.0825682049881315,0.0,0.1934690253714036,0.1021039163379452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269158924672411,0.0,0.08202685510556802,0.0,0.07800732744827693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620072782626669,0.09417965005874733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759200019177954,0.0,0.0,0.13657514280226887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782680560344597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294718759376103,0.14129971735905966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781458964841439,0.0,0.08896650388697545,0.0,0.10015513979338814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973308889571804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774562646468758,0.0,0.0,0.07402426645410673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535406686386773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741850433892581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171445871645453,0.1190450875398664,0.0,0.0,0.05416707414241173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630687369871728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230930672547278,0.22994113851753026,0.2191644872657385,0.07373470969928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659890321930182,0.0,0.0,0.05982050891208689
suicidewatch,SuckMyBalti,2019/02/08,"I tried to kill myself in 2012, 2013, 2015 and 2017. I’m a lot better, but now I miss feeling suicidal, and recently I feel more suicidal. I’ve spent considerable time in hospital and in therapy, with very ateong meds.  
  
My life is otherwise ‘normal’. I have two graduate degrees, friends and a loving family.  
  
After considerable treatment, stopping just short of ECT, I’ve been ok, although I still have terrible periods of depression- but fewer suicidal thoughts.  
  
Recently, I’ve noticed my depressive episodes are marked not with suicidal feelings, but longing for them. I feel exhaustively depressed but without the release of suicidality. It has started creeping in and now I’m getting out of control again. My feeling of wanting to kill myself is getting stronger, and it feels ‘nice’ (!?) because it’s comforting. I don’t understand.",5.5620238095238115,8.598630361111113,6.2033730158730185,68.90750000000003,71.7777777777778,9.947619047619053,40.1468253968254,10.125756701596842,5.336924206349206,668,43,97,21,14,217,95,144,0.308,0.562,0.13,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,2,5,14,2,0,3,1,8,3,0,1,0,31,25,11,7,2,7,0,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,10,0,1,0,3,8,0,1,3,6,13,6,17,22,2,18,0,4,0,1,3,6,0,1,12,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706445400339304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249394046378038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997878132324447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994437266740215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924934244860528,0.0,0.3515801766432298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953514997387281,0.0,0.12109389238288044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564268593247518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185545864192563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255765548185798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852423906350788,0.10459387521795356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872597292886598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113546102155506,0.0,0.13193979934125788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22885178059517675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202646060293578,0.0,0.09254868755287167,0.0968879560416125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338159227168545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325285734042943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200250599020968,0.06757550297780357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868066886680929,0.0,0.11320620292321353,0.12064399174193625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562013047359498,0.06835402639118482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117123564846201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,parvej1234567890,2019/02/08,"I'm going to kill myself I have no one I can call a friend. No family I am close to. No ambition or purpose. My girlfriend doesn't love me, and has left. I have nothing. I think about killing myself every day. I'm going to jump in front of a train or buy go out with nitrogen. I'd use a gun but I'm from the UK so cant really get one, or at least I'm not sure.",-2.248246753246754,-0.4958147857142841,1.4358008658008643,98.3698051948052,95.66666666666666,4.9593073593073616,14.779220779220779,6.574015621080383,-0.5531999999999995,274,6,72,4,11,100,60,84,0.17800000000000002,0.7659999999999999,0.056,-0.7663,0,0,0,1,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,18,6,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,6,2,0,2,0,0,9,3,10,18,1,11,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,3,1,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464423544425905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819740525469827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361042266573525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166282878355575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753741858047714,0.0,0.1200573018853055,0.0,0.3917897888541261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084635774050785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496706498705533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739705703226854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049247772956915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114272218455884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472112110034558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165770815243772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724200676830562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984672786757539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rocco_5,2019/02/08,"I'm ready I've vented here a couple times. I think I'm good. I hate my job, everyone hates/uses/is tired of me. I'm tired of myself. Just drinking until I can't feel anything anymore.",-1.258416666666669,0.7815713250000016,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,98.25,3.6666666666666674,16.666666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.5138333333333334,143,4,31,1,6,50,30,40,0.244,0.617,0.139,-0.6249,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678297789818092,0.0,0.0,0.22223871456644628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298819406662695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645587788355933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580566263045887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655189135626414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651590539477995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663115292557393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26799570707789233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730453695130396,0.0,0.0,0.15747581952551976,0.6207950360658088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr-K30,2019/02/08,"“You can die anytime, but what’s the rush?” Don’t. Do. It.",-4.950384615384613,-6.3604369999999975,-1.614807692307691,112.42855769230768,149.76923076923075,1.3,10.942307692307693,3.1291,-2.3523692307692308,41,1,12,0,4,14,12,13,0.197,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halloweenheaux,2019/02/08,"I just want to fucking die because I’m a waste of life I’ve been suicidal since I was maybe 10. I wish I had done it back then. Since then, I cut ties with my bitch sister, causing my parents a world of pain. I pushed all my friends away. I hurt the love of my life irreparably. A ton of people at my college legitimately hate me, and they have good reason to. The only person in the world that I can talk to is my shitty boyfriend who I don’t even like and have tried to leave many times. Nobody would miss me. Everybody’s lives would be better. I’m just scared I would fuck up and end up paralyzed or disfigured for life. That’s the only reason I’m still alive. Because I’m a coward.

I have wanted to die for so fucking long. I’m sorry I drained so many people of their joy and energy with my worthless existence.",1.2463529411764718,3.3072029294117655,2.8864705882352943,92.17911764705885,81.47058823529412,5.882352941176473,20.588235294117645,7.048011613610866,0.3879411764705879,638,18,140,8,17,210,102,170,0.274,0.585,0.141,-0.9791,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,8,17,6,1,8,0,14,8,0,3,1,19,28,9,3,6,3,2,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,0,0,4,0,23,6,19,20,2,15,0,3,0,4,9,7,4,1,8,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184099635972933,0.09690980619448457,0.0,0.15365425390738344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114638862707997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129468215334772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615998765748056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128973132821054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162576616547422,0.0,0.0,0.08324206923224309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737098338465673,0.349539972098585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057085469187447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442919489432708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491843938326892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334482826521093,0.0,0.0,0.2670575692013321,0.061572219544251634,0.0,0.11128739102779417,0.1115331774259315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374760067924294,0.0,0.0,0.2555506371531529,0.12661474817634924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917040081277852,0.13410551921974573,0.0,0.13994214485007875,0.0,0.0,0.17474759634693088,0.11004512023853702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591610392756568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261786873844162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850774598156915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108101732577447,0.0,0.0,0.1006482562503342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378570979058008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129867897945677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348949747201637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556655238930608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867230958908628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492905125530633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858571694936106,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw120away120,2019/02/08,"If it wasn’t for my family I don’t think I would want to carry on living I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and I’m quite certain if I didn’t have family that cared about me I’d seriously consider it.

There is no way I would ever put my family through that kind of suffering so it isn’t a option for me, but I just don’t see the point of it all. I don’t see the point of keeping on top of all these mundane tasks just to repeat them again every day for the rest of my life. What is te actual point? We’re all going to die eventually. Yes I’ll grow up and may experience true love/have a family, but I will also experience a lot of pain and suffering. I will also just die at  the end of it all as if nothing ever happened, so why is there so much stigma surrounding suicide and why should people frown on me for contemplating it. The only reason you want to live is because of a biological urge to survive and reproduce. None of us are any different from some bacteria in a Petri dish...

Can anyone recommend me any books or authors that support or counter these points? Getting sick of this way of thinking 

Thanks for readig",4.425000000000002,4.8420043205128245,6.076051282051285,79.2856153846154,69.8974358974359,9.65880341880342,28.42051282051282,9.725611199111238,2.450755897435897,897,30,186,20,15,309,132,234,0.14300000000000002,0.752,0.105,-0.9398,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,1,1,3,15,10,0,0,11,1,20,4,0,1,8,38,35,18,3,8,10,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,14,5,1,1,4,1,0,3,8,4,0,0,3,2,18,6,32,26,10,24,0,2,2,0,3,12,0,10,7,131,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.10356185371829946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973487556913142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443361110305151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420446739342106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469229177825941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082006352774886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684412919723003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028020850935592,0.11087714071566712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399449024172593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919907237984668,0.08941416648808674,0.0,0.0,0.20761954843886526,0.4001775839929657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055445483931496134,0.0,0.06031279536607818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384522803453928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943280132623688,0.0,0.11051196276892873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495861975410018,0.0,0.0,0.18741912283016487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804459004946776,0.09578118125716174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780134549577173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182897615548464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807121919080729,0.11292356908866395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735731175867037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012864650830558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668407410402178,0.0,0.11287608778829218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911329262959052,0.10478478702760748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913440200919438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608258638646901,0.12042841838548908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770485145924168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400019470983696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276542757572187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518953672551356,0.16847280803574533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915210626794395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077509084201698,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Issues_101,2019/02/08,No one cares I wish i was good enough. For my mom. My grandparents. My friends. My partner. I wish someone loved me like I love them. But im too hard to love. My issues are mundane and im unimportant. I've never been good enough. And i never will be. No matter what I do.,-2.284712643678158,-1.0387014827586185,0.3329310344827601,101.2843390804598,115.55172413793105,3.3126436781609194,15.178160919540227,5.46131890053228,-0.8204873563218391,206,6,49,2,12,69,38,58,0.108,0.452,0.441,0.9779,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,8,12,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,13,8,2,8,2,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730248625755507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593700615333029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343545922516623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29171788607039195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578010763059358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37568335738288944,0.1815062621506052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849586823850575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708542106992649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036694018301468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26824456885083475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783903850152384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473447780510321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999524891292253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3letterss,2019/02/08,Suicide Best music for before committing a suicide?,7.88625,12.104985125000002,8.180000000000003,50.66500000000002,72.75,8.200000000000001,45.5,8.841846274778883,6.5188500000000005,43,3,3,1,1,14,7,8,0.514,0.171,0.314,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309389474994539,0.0,0.4081434421563922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8508221574763349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theMFbomb,2019/02/08,"Anyone around to talk? I just need to talk to someone, Im starting to go crazy a little bit",-1.3761666666666663,0.6345750499999987,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,98.5,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.079333333333333,71,2,16,0,3,24,15,20,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290330445128544,0.0,0.0,0.291592087511351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576036196671551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615621984773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35381402139000384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32829468894431035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24287679243765506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27753504342712004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318440747848512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5265502405905329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway0320197919,2019/02/08,"Just wrote my farewell note... be good to each other My body is as sick as my brain these days. I wont get better. I know this. 

We're all dying, some of us just have the movie spoiled for us prior to slipping away into the mystic. 

I go to sleep now with a reservoir of love for the ones that meant the most to me. 

Belle, Amelia, Dave, Braden, Michael, Troy, Tim, Jess, Shelly, Dustin and Sasha: Nothing is the matter. I am not your fault. I'm simply tired. I've been clawing upwards for decades it seems and now, the merciful thing to do is to just let go. 

Please do not make my funeral - if there happens to be one - a solemn affair. Play the songs I love and speak of me fondly if you can. 

Please let my girls know I am convinced they will do great and noble things. I believe this all the way down into my bones. 

Please let Braden know that while he wasn't my first love, he was my last love and I think so very highly of him. In another universe, maybe we could have been something better. I will see you in our dreams, my love. You are so much better than you know. 

Please remember me with these songs that gave meaning to my existence:

The Trapeze Swinger - Gregory Alan I-whats hisname

Sister - The Nixons 

Stargazer - Mother Love Bone

and finally, 

whale and wasp - alice in chains

Please share the background picture on this laptop with the ppl I love. 

All is well. 

Please let the world know my last thoughts were of Isabelle and Amelia and one sentence:

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. 


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suicidewatch,WhelpMe,2019/02/08,"Idk what to do anymore I really dont, I just need a quick way out tbf, I was recommended this subreddit, so I made a account to join for it, now I'm here idk what to do",0.5284615384615385,1.2212238974358982,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,79.25641025641026,8.276923076923078,23.256410256410252,8.841846274778883,1.2665487179487176,128,4,34,3,3,48,28,39,0.083,0.799,0.118,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506618785093314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325760813714376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42998256628637904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369461821963464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911126648553721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606969200913343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxxshadymfgondie,2019/02/08,"What's the point? What's the point in waking up everyday?
What's the point in keeping yourself clean and neat?
What's the point in eating just so that you can barely survive all the while living in pain?
What's the point in meeting people who deep down don't give a shit about you?
What's the point in sleeping, fully knowing that you have to undergo the same stuff after waking up the next day? ",3.841166666666666,5.205561450000005,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,72.0,6.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.519083333333334,316,8,64,2,6,98,47,80,0.041,0.841,0.118,0.7418,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,3,3,1,0,10,0,3,6,4,0,1,6,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,10,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,12,6,2,21,0,0,0,0,6,16,1,0,5,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988845965615498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689396645435974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708726156504914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362859651988589,0.0,0.0,0.0842656733951078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539242038622726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630672565613141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631529921460589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629910454175992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8696734616306241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739013631272145,0.0,0.0,0.15343985053752812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552515653399134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrBlowie,2019/02/08,Going to buy razors tomorrow I’ve cut with a dull blade but I stopped because it wasn’t cutting the way I wanted it to. I’m going to buy some cheap bic razors tomorrow and take them apart and have at it ,6.804318181818182,4.36922897727273,7.739999999999997,78.755,66.04545454545455,10.618181818181819,33.36363636363636,8.841846274778883,2.555672727272728,161,5,35,2,2,55,32,44,0.181,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,6,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084492993127258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751362012038204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42303371412035307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38044458210823545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984484227010049,0.4016345546235274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaceChickenKarius,2019/02/08,"I tried to take some pills yesterday, feeling like a failure because of that I tried to take a bunch of pills yesterday and ended up puking them out of being afraid, now I feel like shit and a failure, maybe I should try again or something",21.11042553191489,7.3392898297872415,17.552765957446812,52.93000000000001,54.95744680851064,20.50212765957447,61.8936170212766,11.20814326018867,7.164251063829787,190,7,37,2,1,59,32,47,0.248,0.629,0.124,-0.8176,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,7,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,7,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153908816700846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347077809272149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26797985673658153,0.3786263582839489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589272981037675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266224077092343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720145626185219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040068498685708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984879915680029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397446214106617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AirsGaming,2019/02/08,"Is it too soon? People keep telling me I don’t know what I want yet, but I think that’s just BS, when I was 13 I attempted and failed but was able to cover it up so no one ever found out, the thing though is that I never regretted my actions. I’m 16 now and I want to go through with it but I just don’t know. I guess I just want peoples opinions but none of that sappy shit about how I’m too young. I’ve lived through more than 95% of you ever will so don’t even try that route.",0.5704179408766592,1.6613932385321135,2.3406727828746163,99.8523139653415,79.91743119266056,5.5783893985728845,19.45056065239552,5.82211442006289,-0.4830497451580023,369,8,98,2,9,122,70,109,0.124,0.792,0.084,-0.8486,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,17,3,1,0,1,0,8,1,1,1,3,26,20,11,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,3,0,13,0,11,16,2,12,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,2,8,69,22,1,0.22124553447224574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613058890258718,0.4002585049520795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258430889567706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573893584592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372689966328864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665319665718756,0.0,0.0,0.2431815193507133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953638603450877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063819553955378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992170003783065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30676759238461443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22710536175199875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933783489204167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698570216348186,0.1417652049866806,0.21737261429404686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021119496835025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914890455176069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirbieirenea,2019/02/08,"I want to fucking end it all. I have always been passively suicidal. I constantly think about how much I want to die. I constantly wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I wish I could just do it. Overdose. Slit my wrists. Pull the fucking trigger. Life is too painful and I hate that whenever I get close to ending it I just can’t. 
Most recently my new therapist told me she thinks I have PTSD. I have had symptoms for years but I have always brushed it off as anxiety. I wish the people that bullied me and physically hurt me in elementary and middle school would have just killed me. I wish that the two people who sexually assaulted me and the man who stalked me for months would have just killed me. I feel all of this and live with so much fear yet I have such a hard time grasping the fact that I likely have PTSD because others have had it way worse. I hate myself for complaining and not just being happy. 
What’s driving the thoughts now is I accidentally let something slip to a coworker about my best friend who is also a coworker at the same job. She found out and I just hate myself even more because of that. I feel so alone and honestly who the fuck would actually care if I was dead. I think maybe what has kept me from following through for so long is the hope that maybe someone out there loves me unconditionally. My mom was verbally abusive growing up and my dad worked a lot.  
Sorry I just needed to vent. ",2.5863367240479924,4.80220628521127,3.6361658841940536,87.72771778821075,77.69718309859155,7.165153886280647,24.60302556077204,8.167268648758528,1.4469709441836205,1131,40,234,21,27,364,155,284,0.262,0.615,0.123,-0.9947,1,1,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,21,21,9,1,13,0,28,10,3,2,3,56,56,18,5,14,12,2,3,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,19,14,0,1,8,0,0,5,3,13,0,1,9,4,44,8,25,40,9,27,0,1,0,4,13,9,3,4,13,172,63,3,0.0,0.10703303663068026,0.08815461535845616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356054481685187,0.0,0.07224142930761503,0.15033308360910627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691065657801084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013561255637824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948017473643454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921032700937659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524160588474745,0.0,0.14425141683588358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375419787793683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002124016846095,0.0,0.0,0.059665880066552435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165278105548704,0.0913528917655536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904843598656518,0.06979314029763273,0.250541706207635,0.04719667651604452,0.0,0.05133986198385716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616403596971992,0.08092304643429728,0.2675634143102335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972373641883817,0.0,0.0,0.0967062387715182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964424651741236,0.0,0.19988614275126804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237437707585608,0.06380677879905355,0.04413346160952659,0.0,0.07976808105836854,0.07994425473939917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768001845273447,0.08153149918763651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150871185745568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058000839274662,0.07210509653714407,0.0,0.1328142721988878,0.06698277937224106,0.0,0.08724678518385535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612355747313367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525480471256348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111952059915372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919560884805071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142455455286884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040094268457707,0.0,0.0765411482726003,0.06954483781889056,0.0,0.10112342397378002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881259735413288,0.0,0.0,0.09389338467251646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488671417824758,0.0,0.17365041327488456,0.0,0.07171645784010246,0.05267547506637566,0.0,0.0,0.08631963577378003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824485585256417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656467667100954,0.07170427651453795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155264024603979,0.0,0.0,0.06576546790999542,0.0,0.09205979927812677,0.1925156753417451,0.0,0.0,0.05817323116570751
suicidewatch,Electranny,2019/02/08,"Thoughts Why shouldn’t I hang myself?

Who would care if I killed myself?

Wouldn’t the world be a better place for everyone if I did it? 

I’m just a burden, I should help everyone by killing myself.

I should shoot my head off with a shotgun. Too bad I haven’t got a gun...

Maybe I should step in front of a train.

Maybe I should travel as far away as I can and either starve myself or hang myself deep in some unknown forest.

- - -

These kinds of thoughts (translated to English) are daily thoughts for me. It feels like these thoughts are completely normal, like doesn’t everyone hate themselves as much as I do? Not one minute goes by in my life during which I don’t think about suicide. 

It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up, and throughout the day I think about it every couple of seconds. The thought is almost as automatic as breathing. Oftentimes when I go to the toilet, I look in the mirror and tell myself to kill myself.",2.7493386327503977,4.872636951351353,3.196820349761526,91.52562798092212,76.7837837837838,5.866454689984102,22.233704292527822,6.794906146795322,0.4976104928457876,736,21,150,7,17,228,108,185,0.18,0.748,0.07200000000000001,-0.974,0,0,0,3,0,5,25.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,4,0,11,0,17,4,3,0,0,29,32,14,4,10,6,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,9,1,0,6,6,6,0,3,7,2,26,5,27,17,3,21,0,0,1,0,3,11,0,5,6,107,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370838440971113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160707596309632,0.0,0.10315150662376504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092619029499199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259581999616713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953030256267042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669567651306114,0.0,0.07967367213485939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408855209610562,0.3541459255141587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062466000373103764,0.08825765684724868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508384214876867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021115097416056,0.0,0.09880695818669066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197108024433047,0.126788623917034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280687352681093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100391665670436,0.12864885560890565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726060426192518,0.12071170495367148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374325694838946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482269152838065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081678988357478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104386989044245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371452362661695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290739654681861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513371331542348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798020803852568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207509675673855,0.2374800965963231,0.0,0.4903884480958195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114764633681758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775992392657016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenWarrior370,2019/02/08,"OCD making me want to kill myself Please I want you wherever you are to understand that you don't have it that bad. Please I have been suffering from OCD for 5 months and each relapse has been getting worse and worse. Literally I'm begging for my old relapses! That is how awful my life is. I have no friends . Quit my stupid restaurant job. Literally every change in my life that I do to degrade my OCD only increases it in other areas. Tonight I have had enough of this damn OCD even though I'm beating it. It seems death is calling me since my OCD obsession was to grab onto a telephone wire connected to my local gym. I entered my gym doing my usual warmup shit until I got the o=OCD thought that I could get rid of my OCD through touching this wire with a stick. I know but please understand. I'm so numb right now that I don't even know if I'm alive or dead tbh. Seriously FML. I want you all to know don't kill yourself , you will never have the guilt and numbness I'm experiencing now.",2.399233716475095,4.2840834088669935,3.7472495894909734,88.28362205801862,76.98029556650246,6.875643130815544,25.07088122605364,7.793537801064563,1.2694621784345923,784,28,166,12,18,257,116,203,0.23,0.684,0.086,-0.9856,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,5,0,2,7,14,5,2,4,1,21,5,1,2,2,23,40,10,4,5,3,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,7,2,0,2,5,13,0,0,6,3,29,1,17,32,4,16,0,1,0,0,8,6,2,3,8,102,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469073779633493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402609882499075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530977572788115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967161993619934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193068186692842,0.0,0.18145135390282036,0.0,0.11573260756720938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612480521538624,0.0,0.14353095678798986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098601785350204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363096453286131,0.0,0.30393929653073243,0.0,0.2264701196120544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404434139498009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168956639877254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964027829108276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594130852653412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413731362652976,0.0,0.0,0.10446926699507804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523435470146219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461003830244822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730558476176547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250483394964663,0.0,0.0,0.1409991421986269,0.11362647864394508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349565325824539,0.10904932901086956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28599539125708234,0.0,0.0,0.1512837885333457,0.0,0.24305731565430985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799652866999634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pathfinderer,2019/02/08,"I feel guilty? I can't get past it. Over Christmas break my coworker died.   I know its been a while since then but I can't stop thinking about it.   I really liked him a lot, and hoped that we could be friends.   But I am not so good with people and I think, all my attempts at creating a friendship with him were too small and unnoticed.

Sometimes we would pause and look at eachother and try to think of something to say and carry on the conversation but I am not so good at that.

Before christmas break, things were getting frustrating at work.   everything was piling up, as it does, and people were reaching their limit and getting frustrated.    So when he said to me ""I'm going to fucking kill myself"", I did not take it seriously.   that is my mistake.   could I have helped him? I don't know.   should I have done something? yes, definitely.   I know that now.   

I have no way of knowing what he was thinking.   was he reaching out to me because I was only an aquaintance? or did he feel that sense of kindred spirit with me as I did with him?   I can't even imagine what could have been.   I feel ashamed that I didn't say anything after he told me that.   that I didn't tell anyone.   that I did nothing.

and now I can't tell anyone anymore.   what would saying anything do now?   what would apologizing do?   wouldn't it just bring more pain?

I just have to live with it? by myself?",1.0815587610421566,3.573299206642069,2.2865280107346533,93.29600693279664,86.45387453874541,4.908464721010848,21.865257743486527,6.42735559955562,0.3996902829028297,1059,37,220,11,33,337,134,271,0.154,0.723,0.123,-0.9198,0,0,2,0,0,1,38.0,2,0,1,3,12,13,4,1,5,1,40,2,0,0,1,52,63,21,2,10,9,0,3,1,1,5,1,4,0,0,21,17,0,2,12,0,0,2,12,8,0,0,18,8,39,5,27,36,3,23,1,0,1,1,23,9,1,3,10,165,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785348775583593,0.1661859407583723,0.0,0.19558398416785688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244138895294011,0.0,0.10112077593118823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846428893834421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333311917559606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399427966966836,0.12161059836066443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849012911982553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068022320302757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802613217675628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181248290528768,0.10986206772449007,0.1862608862706256,0.0,0.0675372992338703,0.199348179910636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965333879884236,0.0,0.0,0.11803106983040465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147454739887351,0.0,0.2612368703463823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805732013627801,0.0,0.1049344612855523,0.0,0.09979240178811842,0.0,0.0,0.10103021011764016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140264514610708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038021573417147,0.12644999837608487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344251247528014,0.16477199001844367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612945429638991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304035270344127,0.28350973044892536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830245725221587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297168478646214,0.11753195027575318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935230812027017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934996451264235,0.0,0.2077359940821186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894943028848392,0.3045815206156633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355299460768994,0.0,0.08068191729637487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432657183288158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651410256789238,0.0,0.0,0.2532532864395758,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cakeinthecup,2019/02/08,"Here's my life situation, I am in my final days, what other choice do I have besides suicide? Hi, I would really love to lay this all out but it is still going to be a bit long. I am very serious about and capable of ending my life. I think this will be my last time I talk about it. I am male, 22, Canada.

**Backstory**

I am realizing now that I have been depressed most of my life. Shy and anxious in kindergarden, all of elementary school no friends and spent every single recess hiding in the corner of a doorway alone, highschool was a shock and I drank a lot and nearly failed, ran away from home, parents divorced, hospitalized, took psychadelic drugs, attempted suicide. Then I went to a rural college for a dumb program, I was very isolated and wasted two years, in so much pain, so alone, very bullied, so ashamed. Worst two years of my life, it honestly felt like 10 years in prison. Then I traveled far away and I went to a transfer school to finish the degree. It was finally an opportunity to start fresh and I had an exciting and decent time. I spent 2-3 years totally on my own, supporting myself, never seeing family except Christmas, I tried so many new things and I was kind of happy, I made two acquaintances. Then I got a new job which was exciting but my schedule was insane, weeks straight of 12 hour days in remote locations, inconsistent schedule, my two friendships rapidly fell apart. I was working with a really non-physically abusive awful insane man who totally ruined my mental health, alongside the lack of a support network and isolation and lack of sleep, overwork etc. Getting suicidal again for the first time since moving to this new place (2 years) Then I took shrooms for the 2nd time in my life and had a really bad trip that made things much worse. Then work ran out and I was VERY suicidal and I have guns for hunting.

**Recent events**

I called up my dad and oldest sister and told them everything about how bad I was doing (Except for the suicidal thoughts), I drove 4000km to get home (End of November 2018). My whole family is amazing, very caring and supportive and I love them. This is the first time I have spoken to them about what goes on in my head since seven years, and even before I only spoke minimally because I had to because I was hospitalized. When I got home, I was really depressed to be unemployed and to have left a place I love and acquaintances behind. Only to be back to my childhood home that I hate with a passion. Here I have my moms house in an urban town and my dads house in an urban town and then my dads cabin up north. I hate the urban town so much (Bad memories/I love the outdoors), I went to live in the rural town alone. I tried finding a job but the economy sucks and reliant on tourism, it is winter and no one hiring. Mental health getting so bad and again I am alone with my guns. Again, I call my oldest sister and we decide it's a good idea to go to town with family. My oldest sister is really mature and wise and so helpful. So I live one week at each parents house. Again I am getting worse and worse and worse. I tried an antidepressant for four days that my doctor prescribed. It REALLY fucked me up, I could not sleep, eat, do anything, no energy, I got tinninitus and hypnagogia. My doctor told me to stop the meds. Then I signed up for a mental health program at local hospital, finally got in. It is 6 weeks, 4 hours per weekday, all voluntary, they teach CBT/DBT etc, it's been pretty helpful, I just finished week 3 today, I try and I participate a lot.

**Choices about the future**

There is a college program I was very excited for that I applied to and was accepted to, it's only 1 year and then another 1 year program that adds on to it if I want, but the college is 2500km away. I was very excited about it at first but now I am depressed and unfortunately have lost most of the excitement, though I still think it's a great program. At the end of the day though, I have 3 weeks left and I have applied to a few jobs but still don't have one lined up. I need to get a job between March and September to save up money for school and also to get out of my parents houses before I lose my mind.

**The issues**

The same problems that have plagued me throughout my life, are still there. I hate who I am, I feel I am so uniquely selfish, so weighed down with guilt. I have been learning about myself in the last few months and I have learned how I am not evil, I have learned how incorrect my thoughts are etc. At the end of the day though, I don't really ever change my thoughts, I know I am incorrect and insane, but I still want to hate myself, I want to feel bad and I still feel so guilty. I feel like these issues aren't even the problem now, I just genuinely don't give a shit about living and just want to die. The program is coming to an end, and if all of this work still can't help me, then fuck I really am screwed then. I had 4 therapy sessions and the therapist is VERY helpful (I have tried maybe about 6 therapists and this is the first one that is actually helpful) but he costs $220/hour and I am unemployed and cannot afford it. I believe that if I could see this therapist for 4 hours a day for half a year, then yes I could be cured because I am so mentally engrained in my fucked-up-ness that that is what it would take.. In reality, all I can do is 3 more weeks of group therapy and maybe 1 or 2 more therapy sessions that I can't afford, so I am really not going anywhere to improving. I just want to stop living off my parents and get a job in that northern town cabin and then go to school and be happy and live forever after. But I can barely apply for or hold jobs the way I feel, I am not caring about the college program now, my life is not safe. 

On top of everything, I can't handle being alone, but I also feel like I can't stand being around my parents, I am constantly judging them, yet I can't get by without being around other people. I am finding life is pointless, I am greatly pessimistic about my future, I think the career choice is unwise, I think I will never be a good person or be happy or have friends or success. I have no drive to live anymore, the pressure to move out and get a job is building every day as this program comes to a close. I still don't have a job lined up and even if I did, my mental health is still fucked and I can't fix it myself and no one can fix it for me. Even if I get a job up north, if I was mentally healthy it would be awesome and I would love it and would enjoy the outdoors, but I am not healthy and I think I would have way too much alone time in the woods with my shotgun and it's very likely I would die. If I work in town I will be so miserable because I fucking despise this place and have no desire to assimilate here. 

I am very unstable and really not safe (Even though my firearms are 3 hours away up north). Today I drove to the gun shop because I wanted to just buy a $400 shotgun and blow my head off, I cooled down enough by the time I arrived that I decided to wait until next weekend instead. I am visiting up north next weekend and can bring my shotgun back with me instead of buying a new one, that gives me 10 days to finalize my decision, though I feel I am no longer on the fence and am pretty much committed to doing it now.

I don't see another way to fix this and I don't see a life I want to live. I have tried working, I have tried taking a break to heal, I have tried natural remedies like eating healthy, exercise etc and I have tried pharmaceutical drugs. I have no interest in more pharmaceutical drugs as they are really damaging. I have not killed myself for years and years by just chasing goals and thinking if I just finish school, just get the job, just do this or that then maybe I can make a friend and settle down and be happy but nope. And I still won't be able to settle down for at least 3-4 more years if not more. I am done emptily chasing goals, I want friends so badly but can't when I am moving all the time between rural towns across the country and when I am so mentally unhealthy and can't connect to others because of self hatred. 

*What living would likely look like**

At this point, I think it would require cancelling college, wasting many years of life, telling my family, having my firearms removed and sold, being stuck in this shitty town, being constantly supervised and worried about, costing my family tons of money and hurt and stress, sacrificing my brain on the altar of big pharma experimenting with many drugs having me addicted and ruining my brain and health for life and STILL not feeling better but just being so forced to live that I will have to yet again pretend to be okay for the sake of others just like I did in my first suicidal crisis when I was 15. So what is the point of all that, I genuinely think that suicide is the most logical option and I don't even really have 3 weeks to do it, I have more like 1-2 weeks. I really really don't want to hurt my family, it would completely destroy their lives forever, but what choice do I have between when it's A. Die or B. Live in shameful misery as a disappointing major stress and drain on my family

**Conclusion**

If you read all this, I seriously really appreciate it. I know there isn't much you can say. I respectfully request to please spare me anything that isn't something I can actually tangibly do to get better. Please don't mention the following: therapy (Can't afford), telling authority (Locked up in a hospital and it makes life worse), drugs (months of experimenting with fucked up drugs that ruin your brain, I don't even have months to play with different drugs), telling my family (Doing this would eliminate suicide as an option and force me to live in misery, I will not allow the option of death to be taken away), platitudes, empty vague unspecific non-help.

**Note about drugs:**

About drugs, I have never tried marijuanna and I don't believe it will help. Yes taking psychedelic drugs can be (and was in my case) harmful, I know that, it was dumb. I don't want a debate about antidepressents, yes they work for people. The ""chemical imbalance"" theory has been overly proven to be bullshit and yet we trust doctors who promote this mindless narrative. They don't cure you, it just ""helps"" at the cost of very significant side effects (in my case were very serious), alongside long term sexuality inability, and issues for life with the side effects, huge amounts of people can never sleep, fuck, or think the same again and suffer major dependence issues where the drugs have created a chemical imbalance rather solve it. So I would rather be dead than taking this fucking bullshit drugs that will be just used against me if I am ever found out

Thank you very much!",4.809208565270545,5.571283725692815,5.668098697820373,81.31861393988454,69.18788163457022,8.87672899406707,28.814650103767967,9.040956082519733,2.2266657678995565,8448,292,1676,151,141,2773,621,2129,0.211,0.657,0.132,-0.9997,24,7,13,8,1,7,264.0,2,5,9,27,112,114,20,7,96,6,211,64,9,12,17,299,331,178,14,44,63,12,9,9,4,20,37,2,4,4,88,117,4,8,40,8,11,26,52,57,0,18,60,17,244,57,224,224,51,284,1,15,5,14,70,107,12,28,155,1185,332,57,0.020279153556739225,0.024027480893006548,0.039579057136616816,0.02210727069233499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260185232723825,0.0,0.032434463545335954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042528921352424816,0.0,0.02290967128754639,0.020111471157171868,0.0,0.0,0.03337603096266307,0.03610549219144656,0.0,0.0,0.09526466157735243,0.03118683465537495,0.1015934769544038,0.07417190270334006,0.0,0.03451213209309923,0.04569532328862692,0.0,0.03587052670600418,0.02213958342923636,0.0,0.0,0.06791472626420833,0.04141456625344638,0.0,0.041351897171663314,0.0,0.021452655543227072,0.03493739030031934,0.021262306677198858,0.043829121387096985,0.0,0.04857376195593911,0.0,0.0,0.10462701113264804,0.0,0.052399215729254094,0.0,0.06313967917936009,0.02118739926897743,0.0,0.062269718899904736,0.0,0.020752614860274292,0.0,0.0,0.2822085590480317,0.041501273569559495,0.0,0.0,0.08980655439800891,0.02095378658355705,0.09046646707165652,0.09375932766881813,0.036687310791044765,0.03417212300854771,0.0,0.03645119121885476,0.039673806885944185,0.1529390493987668,0.0,0.08202999486939938,0.02897486270580195,0.019471167610419424,0.08885928593685198,0.0370695579260332,0.08624718827875992,0.0,0.02223504516050701,0.06267049493328526,0.13123425482494927,0.1271402489063956,0.038907223896236916,0.04610044119828803,0.03401838373093829,0.06487636654103003,0.044715676776012216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635014420190815,0.0,0.08008586292460583,0.04162452417031441,0.10777895967420813,0.0,0.0,0.10874151330297177,0.0,0.08136657791409536,0.0,0.0998544066448987,0.09359768189280797,0.043418506611838714,0.02289269597850397,0.0,0.08466467049494032,0.20123930780337093,0.0,0.022435878803966382,0.021117617789117547,0.03343467734730416,0.033060433542625084,0.0,0.0,0.044066719350799324,0.0,0.1862089564782867,0.0891663307938943,0.0,0.21488236946300301,0.03589282549993468,0.017029381552327184,0.02268718562340399,0.022137091653143832,0.03448122232909172,0.09151363917986713,0.038377250849613166,0.027072984938663024,0.0616796363025697,0.06111940635372678,0.0,0.022525567993617115,0.0,0.14305631954161174,0.0,0.020476164155458262,0.023750699550992703,0.04855988068373682,0.06466059271445619,0.1043525784946211,0.01503673540610044,0.06256213357247391,0.07834293149001198,0.04313421973914657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245007567199385,0.04626963028067242,0.021578449171005803,0.0,0.1125880007436834,0.0,0.0,0.04217703507805155,0.017706974682328038,0.06356219780693229,0.04452084177955865,0.038340709825636296,0.0,0.0,0.04126237930901632,0.0,0.0388088223885782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02028464138369466,0.0,0.19487017568777,0.0,0.020023217641965945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01612679685394317,0.0,0.10261793025878807,0.06463943933543702,0.0,0.021155579878732136,0.0,0.02081625970672566,0.03355025076225055,0.0227946182610016,0.060881396756732875,0.0,0.0,0.01561188315778061,0.0,0.0,0.01435368926369056,0.0,0.1781445404866875,0.03390856082764206,0.04645940376627389,0.0,0.0,0.1774568204100994,0.06903762941203656,0.0,0.0,0.060989598811473575,0.016299615468222985,0.05317462214539431,0.01867032000483915,0.09276391775155356,0.07063698088499422,0.026945137057148662,0.11694656486544068,0.09962082703304924,0.04829814816185187,0.09459950015654077,0.0,0.03844453278520335,0.038755200534995836,0.0450617715367291,0.13768214106425705,0.0,0.07923914539469706,0.0,0.0,0.01751467758476169,0.0,0.21752153135803234,0.11961170182516145,0.04828994452931562,0.13013371010824246,0.0,0.0,0.05639693554572853,0.0,0.022640950735774826,0.0,0.01954838036541436,0.0,0.08858079187715599,0.020594464810407574,0.1033309498543726,0.1728687461924113,0.0,0.0,0.16976843016085966
suicidewatch,darQthediety,2019/02/08,"I am a mindless drone... I hate the outside, everything feels as though it grips my throat and it hurts. I never had a dream or passion growing up. My years as an adult have only been torture and me being a mindless leech on my brother who once told me that once he sees me move out and his son grows up he's done. and that stuck to me. I have nothing to live for. I am trying to join the army but I am held back by a bunch of these retarded conditions that I had no choice in having. It's all growing tedious and it's just me and my brother but it won't be for long. Again I don't feel as though this world is for me. What does momentary suffering compared to eternal rest.",1.3290209790209782,3.055190993006996,2.8104895104895107,94.50496503496508,79.62937062937063,5.798601398601399,23.58741258741259,6.67199483983844,0.5293048951048949,524,18,120,5,13,171,91,143,0.177,0.774,0.048,-0.956,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,7,0,15,2,1,0,2,16,22,14,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,2,1,0,4,4,4,0,0,7,4,19,1,17,12,3,16,0,2,1,1,9,6,0,1,6,89,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640745120056548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867285269166085,0.2183597786480692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917703889268432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578065755550235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106666005561071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842556364161046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884166844645596,0.18883281658694845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678704679619985,0.0,0.0,0.16457026898315144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474194713869506,0.0,0.0,0.4544812150814809,0.0,0.1622835852130956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003464093867413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192856059082032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038918244101065,0.0,0.1448696564216296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740843700141994
suicidewatch,kunctzen,2019/02/08,"i honestly dont know what im doing: i wanna die here's some background info but you may just skip this and give your honest opinion on this: school stresses me out and i want to die.

Im currently in highschool,,11th grade. around 10th grade towards the end of the school year, i often found myself showing up to school 2 hours late and leaving 2 hours early. I walked braindead in the halls, i was failing every class, i hated going to dance practice(which should've been a red flag to someone since i loved dance so much), i wanted to kill myself in the morning getting ready to school. It was never this bad. Sure, i knew it was normal to want to cry about school but i didnt think it was a problem until i started writing suicide letters, searching up for painless ways to die, setting dates for when i would die. I saw that this was really getting to me so i asked my parents if i could switch to an online school.

My parents knew i had depression before i left public school and i did go to a therapist for a while. (i stopped going because i couldn't afford it anymore). Once i stopped going they treated the situation lightly and never asked if i was okay. Never asked if i still needed it and they joked about it(they still do which is why im venting out on here). They'd say things like,""oh you're sick in the head which is why you're so weird"" , ""im sure you scared the therapist"" And i dont blame them for thinking like that. Mental illness is a scary thing to talk about sometimes and i guess it was there way of coping. 

When i switched to an online school right away i felt some of my worries go away. I didnt have to lose sleep, i didnt have to deal with ""friends"" anymore, i could do stuff at my own pace. I took a deep breath and started my new life like this.  
But...over sometime things went downhill. Sure i had more freedom doing online school now like: I could dress however i wanted. Express myself more freely. Not have to put up with my horrible teachers and friends i had. I found online friends that i really love and got back on YouTube doing things i really loved. Things that are holding me back from going insane right now. But im still not doing well in school. I cant seem to focus correctly. I cant grip onto material. My head runs all over the place. I notice it more when i tell stories because several things pop into my head and i just cant make my mind shut up. and its almost as if im losing it. even telling this story is hard. 

I dont want to go back to public school because i will most definitely get worse. I still talk to one friend and she told me there were people talking behind my back saying ""i didnt care about school and i left them all behind"" Which made me even worse. I do care, except what im going through makes me want to say f\*ck it and push everything away. 

TLDR; i guess, school makes me want to die because i cant succeed in it.

I dont know how to sit my mom down and tell her i want to die because of the problems ive brought upon myself. I really dont blame anyone, not even my family. Even if they say comments that make this situation worse. I get headaches from all this stress, i ache and i just dont care about anything anymore even though i know i should. My life seems to revolve around these problems. And i just want someone to listen",1.914953118630251,4.096554319880418,2.8441982606332417,92.7250662454138,79.79222720478327,5.1905693708384275,22.393463785840467,6.194236138160024,0.3196355754857998,2596,82,540,19,66,821,282,669,0.212,0.657,0.131,-0.9975,5,0,0,0,0,6,78.0,0,3,6,4,41,37,2,3,17,1,52,12,5,6,10,106,113,38,8,26,16,3,3,3,4,4,4,5,0,0,37,26,0,3,13,4,0,17,21,14,1,1,29,11,97,23,78,75,11,87,0,4,2,3,44,35,0,16,34,358,134,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038246348771723226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136362629729014,0.02670653428255211,0.0,0.03143088010008964,0.06800253734745046,0.10712031270001993,0.0,0.10765517898145438,0.11747707950666375,0.031890873989552634,0.1164152893270498,0.0,0.032500769400356094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168257415060308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148577850705594,0.0,0.04195494617571142,0.0,0.03937692878450918,0.03289693070989222,0.0,0.23783962665478625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685825383588503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03382905590714101,0.0,0.0,0.12613577987492647,0.0,0.032180576002242486,0.0,0.0343268204055456,0.0,0.03600644523649176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03667278085021351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375675816477751,0.11803613283226623,0.0,0.0798203541885661,0.03663971580916794,0.1736548532670716,0.0,0.030547690052806088,0.0,0.08415125894283611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03421483621949285,0.03770923448194595,0.11759595650099852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522792356544443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887968597893133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042256637250635116,0.0,0.06297221716170474,0.0,0.0430851432293981,0.040442539116443466,0.08299703304258679,0.0,0.05395591447673812,0.07463975850168894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854599172604305,0.0,0.0,0.1034162830374759,0.036140629524662016,0.10198069920423572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849114723850353,0.0,0.03856563179725732,0.044733023571053215,0.0,0.0,0.028077406691464663,0.02832079273743612,0.08837403051258386,0.036888557676416266,0.0,0.0,0.03742257314731801,0.0,0.04348477577088943,0.0,0.04067597488616344,0.025881631897141776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482110904180824,0.0,0.0,0.02647930853928272,0.0,0.039905200639400486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964114738678456,0.0,0.038396096388045683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978736887994464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523591518874677,0.0,0.12149543338615038,0.038239431776794654,0.5025143253730693,0.0,0.06954181155528398,0.0,0.04314899708577465,0.0,0.03159494639179525,0.08586460316870335,0.03822215776999775,0.0,0.06472427738679408,0.0,0.0755508208458718,0.0,0.0540686322763412,0.0,0.1220089448739452,0.06386474838380098,0.08750351118339768,0.0,0.04372364937884832,0.04177866484103908,0.0,0.1079938022402636,0.0,0.0,0.0920980556434154,0.10015122378626323,0.0,0.0,0.08869368876573888,0.15224866726744196,0.048947081714818666,0.037525975134075115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036496552350189664,0.0424355771916972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027533445517224,0.06063415022750183,0.0,0.0,0.034341509104670355,0.035406752850735815,0.06892932468824302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03878844401274415,0.11677060220135965,0.02713232958858377,0.0,0.0,0.024596053465552697
suicidewatch,47174987498923,2019/02/08,"I'll be gone soon It's not such a loss. There's over 7 billion people out there, I'm just a drop in the bucket. I'm so tired of being alone, and so tired of being socially messed up. I know now that I will never have friends or make my family proud of me. Goodbye.",-0.2279096045197733,1.5206523389830515,2.245000000000001,96.48128531073448,84.9322033898305,5.289265536723164,16.612994350282484,6.42735559955562,-0.4667988700564969,204,4,50,2,6,70,46,59,0.264,0.655,0.081,-0.8879,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,8,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,7,5,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165553092021734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28813423702126784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361400219543013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797410969297216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040199383965269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357317205016284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118952679917577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115658651835013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7025863035368258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fiva5,2019/02/08,"Help, please. I have been having suicidal thoughts every second of the day for the past year, I just wanna be done.",3.338181818181816,5.563379181818185,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,75.36363636363637,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.4960181818181826,90,2,17,1,2,28,20,22,0.17,0.642,0.189,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441052291540572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873433256802571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189078547644467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537047721809375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613270607005918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154862178353668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140244220131468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004916964146245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437456261138536
suicidewatch,milkorangejuice,2019/02/08,"Don't know what to think to keep myself from ending it? Not sure what to title this, sorry. I don't really want to kill myself, but I think about it all the time. The thing that a lot of people have told me they do where they think about the people who would miss them simply does not apply- my mother might, but she's basically evil and the cause of a lot of my problems. The person I really care about (my dad) has likely already made peace with it from how many attempts I've made. And based on his reactions when I was in the hospital or inpatient or the general disappointment I've become, he doesn't really seem to be too emotionally invested regardless of how good our relationship is on my end. I love my dad but he doesn't love me. An unrequited child/parent relationship is fatal to the self-esteem. I don't care what my mother thinks, but from the abuse she doled out constantly growing up I know she doesn't think much of me either. My brother hates me. My sister in law couldn't care less. I don't even register on my aunts' and uncles' radars. The grandmother I live near is so wracked with dementia she doesn't know how to speak, and sometimes the only real desire she can express is wanting to die. My only friend is making new friends and I haven't seen her face in 2 months. 

I don't have a vision to hold me back. I haven't lost that in years. I guess I just don't want to be in pain. But it feels so close, yknow? My head's been aching for weeks and I've been so alone and disappointed in people that I'm made lighter by the idea of blowing my brains out. The depth of the nothingness I feel is indescribable. It's Lovecraftian, it sinks so low. I'm not even ashamed of the fact that I'm a drain on society anymore- the one feeling I always had was the embarrassment I felt at being myself, and it's seeped into the sheets of my bed with everything else. I feel a thousand years old.",2.8655412371134013,4.5206992010309275,4.071224226804123,87.46987757731961,75.03092783505154,7.427319587628868,22.176546391752574,8.17850203761792,1.0142845360824744,1502,39,319,25,32,491,195,388,0.16399999999999998,0.706,0.13,-0.9175,1,1,0,0,1,1,38.0,1,0,3,2,17,23,3,2,24,0,34,6,3,8,3,70,70,23,3,8,12,7,5,1,2,2,1,1,1,1,17,15,0,2,15,0,1,1,17,13,0,2,12,7,50,10,46,52,6,33,0,5,1,2,31,20,0,7,13,212,67,0,0.0,0.11219502467215067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807278168035884,0.10449543194196116,0.0,0.07879167290545445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939094286546242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281262024901869,0.0,0.0,0.10458033007350467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570804908409416,0.0,0.0,0.28963567658680606,0.0972751919302202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232885788737216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827577423901374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286596835691998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910336003343146,0.10651621888582492,0.16773874267174024,0.0,0.0,0.1250868908681151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510343461180372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151731592693494,0.0,0.09091956581609144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631824610673966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942350300880271,0.0,0.0,0.10431436815781582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348915317764206,0.09718173405382312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689620778630483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416696714170323,0.10476312465552916,0.0,0.15612142057630418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626192968096097,0.0,0.08361513514069953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033679541876998,0.16100820586082998,0.17092719875785092,0.2688007510084981,0.06320792068606211,0.09600324377950456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045368561405267,0.0,0.0,0.0755825802914181,0.0,0.0696098186842279,0.0,0.0,0.09145452212146836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936375800910884,0.0,0.06416602941323805,0.14403569351909026,0.10075940328111556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694338795863836,0.0826817621955189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060785033546666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778069630684432,0.18198715268165527,0.0,0.0,0.20332842689829744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620441600127604,0.09878483795356398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365321730593523,0.10600040328500296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924647820425143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290943129625344,0.3033753722994634,0.0,0.0,0.0552159072631154,0.0,0.0,0.09048265816046444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675561149807166,0.0,0.07595654160171632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726677302844256,0.0,0.0,0.12195761815888595
suicidewatch,just_too_honest,2019/02/08,"I fail at everything. Whether it's revision, offering advice, being confident/ genuine or just life in general I always fuck it up and fail at it. It really hurts knowing how cruel life can be. I always try to help others with the same problems I have (depression, self harming, suicidal thoughts etc) and yet they'll never know  because I'm so good at hiding it. I wish I wasn't me, I feel like it'll be more helpful to those around me if I was never born.",3.651208791208792,5.1195866483516514,5.42945054945055,79.29054945054949,72.62637362637362,8.716483516483517,29.48351648351648,9.23628265651192,2.6940945054945056,359,15,68,8,7,123,66,91,0.303,0.586,0.112,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,5,10,2,0,1,0,9,3,0,1,2,19,16,7,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,1,11,2,9,8,3,10,0,4,0,1,5,6,1,2,5,50,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624291543680464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342033571382652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877596165385054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122420463191348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296944062754346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397187611242786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804876867216048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015426623979901,0.1434687253825939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565857740149613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844166624735704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692162249077332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498627499514894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207352670393841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836958994105363,0.09811247582992497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30977574085488635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216147245363396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865301441863586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950325879015028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196688910417753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943184558462198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634633224667586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309377206732141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xjxjxjxjxjx,2019/02/08,"planning i don’t know where to start.. I would say I’m living a good life. I would consider myself a class clown but little do people know how unhappy I am. I’ve had plans of suicide for months now but never acted upon it, I try to input my suicide into a jokes etc etc and people think I’m crazy but they don’t know how serious I am. I really just want to go, ",0.2011708860759498,2.042993974683548,3.1979588607594955,89.72326740506331,83.9367088607595,5.975316455696203,17.469936708860754,7.1686216300943375,0.17458101265822767,280,6,62,4,8,100,52,79,0.25,0.674,0.076,-0.9547,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,16,17,6,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,10,2,7,14,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579329341840054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667809625188386,0.1721979290488585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384865220616852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501117047372514,0.0,0.20576695931491276,0.18128579781696466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387043262129547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834188248427006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846616955234248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152198706137905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326472429759173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531410927500735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491350502114446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315495007280252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938686650016185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109268627933295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29168189693203594,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whilemy757bend,2019/02/08,"i broke my gf’s family’s trust while she’s in treatment for mental health. i want to die. i’ve never felt SO fucking humiliated. i won’t say what happened, it’s not that big of a deal. just a principal. nobody  saw it coming because i’m “such a great guy” but i’m really not. i love my gf very much and i’m waiting for her to come home. but i feel like ceasing all contact and just have someone tell her what i did and that everyone is better off without me but then she’ll go crazy while she’s in there all alone and out of state. she’s going to call  me in about 2.5 hours. idk if i should tell her. everybody hates me already. i kinda just want to die so i wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment. but suicide is against my religion. 

also, i feel like it would be okay because i know she would miss me like crazy. i’m so conflicted. she’s my only loved one. and her family no longer likes me. i don’t think there’s any coming back from this. she wouldn’t leave me but she would definitely be unhappy. should i be selfish and kill myself? it would be easy to do if i’m high ",0.2007492507492508,2.3266640216450227,2.331277056277056,94.17295954045954,86.27272727272728,5.631768231768232,18.841325341325344,7.010146845296331,0.14669816849816852,843,23,195,12,26,283,123,231,0.231,0.619,0.149,-0.9749,0,1,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,0,1,12,17,3,1,4,1,21,4,0,0,3,45,46,20,4,12,13,0,3,4,2,10,1,1,1,1,9,11,0,2,5,0,0,5,9,7,0,1,3,5,36,10,20,29,3,19,0,2,1,3,24,7,1,3,10,124,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229574976642205,0.13030472856535286,0.09442890460575268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029876484703152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079658834225618,0.0,0.14396151005675226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443257492897402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057335619468487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30514759319802703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24347154750823455,0.0,0.0,0.24509775879728746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283094382555885,0.0,0.0,0.22263150562031375,0.0,0.11941006129954575,0.16871341451888433,0.11337576317714755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916348648318447,0.0,0.0,0.1342156980062721,0.0,0.0,0.13018412870500254,0.0,0.11691822419947427,0.10441816457654668,0.0,0.0,0.11658001218066175,0.0,0.12551401181471458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475849355583457,0.11844433334325205,0.0,0.11628547179583093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063853862510527,0.0,0.06489393508522527,0.0,0.0,0.12503016217603596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307526014471221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314445832377188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899733515037995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680272774191387,0.0,0.09107093346541592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001437852759317,0.08980551397764365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564536902670739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390232458069032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004919418013604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916086266328206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064150607371021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566119361629296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742874939939317,0.13929383435730158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382535383343036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33552389565916185,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I-AM-SO-NORMAL,2019/02/08,"Last time ICU, next time grave? Funeral plans instead of safety plans! I tried to kill myself 2 weeks ago. I almost succeeded. I ended up in icu.

The thing is, I want to die so fucking bad, and nobody gives a shit. They're all just happy as fuck I'm still alive. The only one concerned is my therapist, who is so shaken by the extremity of my attempt that she's not even sure she can keep seeing me because she wants to make sure I'm ""getting the help I need"" and she's not sure she's qualified to give it. The polite way to say nobody wants to keep a high risk client in their practice. 

Going through another psych ward stay, med change, etc simply highlighted how helpless everyone is.

I want to end my life, and there is nothing that can help me, and nobody that can stop me. Ultimately it's my decision. Even if a magical hero swooped in and saved me seconds before I died... then what? More psych stays? More meds? More therapy?

It's pointless. 

Help does not exist for me.

March is my cut off. I'm under constant supervision, but the moment I get my chance, I'm out. Come 3/3 if I am unable to attempt by then, I will stop being meek and polite and trying to end things quietly. At that point, I will do everything I can to make sure I am dead by midnight.

This will be my 3rd and hopefully final attempt. I learned from attempt 1 and refined attempt 2. I think attempt 2 taught me everything I need to know. I think I finally have everything right this time.",2.1726418786692747,4.3176422328767154,3.6312524461839537,87.60273972602741,78.72602739726028,6.7741682974559705,24.469667318982392,7.83500028581142,1.3619790606653623,1140,41,231,19,28,375,164,292,0.139,0.773,0.08800000000000001,-0.9324,0,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,0,0,1,10,9,18,5,1,9,0,19,4,1,3,5,44,47,18,6,9,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,13,11,0,4,5,0,0,2,3,9,0,2,1,3,38,9,28,41,5,36,0,2,1,2,13,11,3,4,20,140,51,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323936523488285,0.0,0.09403031454694637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846550850710624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840510293708633,0.05724241202124587,0.0,0.07990455737287781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933694858551632,0.08088914067029455,0.0,0.10147580957997024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491302764228285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217516934374333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24951062283831565,0.0,0.10472669420928253,0.12404412382530634,0.0,0.0,0.08972836381978135,0.25318194994731463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573234629783574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362366561681014,0.09812090895783268,0.1801606748403637,0.05336725269112157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099961515459621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888236533407676,0.0992137007795727,0.0,0.09326689104386993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669306451166612,0.10388978346898042,0.0,0.05160664636490756,0.07654349785324069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632648308727995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536199574404175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861018209449092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925580531696896,0.0,0.0,0.09986693162228924,0.0,0.0,0.0901024843697492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363111947762723,0.07141748139292901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876871007896922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019266965283435,0.0,0.07467545389433104,0.0,0.0,0.07482855268107054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639010499483852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017625936289765,0.07499107648492795,0.15701426598478985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35400995632748783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073862919873621,0.1090286487574122,0.1247699935834156,0.12033853263405556,0.0,0.0,0.16426682580736512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750797905168354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215457466417663,0.07453584984292752,0.07532334192972581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TouhouJunior,2019/02/08,"Im tired and don't know who to talk to So recently I picked up a new batch of meds and since I haven't been taking them regularly, I now have 126 pills at my disposal.. and tbh I am just tired and I have been for years. Last year my gf of 3 years broke up with me and last summer I was once again left for another guy by another girl(for some reason people keep leaving me for others). Although it doesnt hurt that bad anymore, it still haunts me like im not good enough. 

Over the past year or so I've also pushed away many people and this resulted in me not really having anyone to talk to when I'm feeling like this. I'm really trying hard to get myself in order again but I'm tired and I feel empty. Even writing this it all sounds so stupid and it seems like theres nothing wrong(there are more things going on but im to lazy to type everything) so why do I feel like I am a shitty person? The thought of just taking all of these pills gets more intense by the day...
Sorry for the weird post, I don't even make sense to myself",1.1833268101761265,3.082605036529685,2.755681669928247,93.88013698630137,80.82648401826485,5.815264187866927,18.191128506197,6.868970318607317,-0.0617994781474227,809,17,183,9,21,265,129,219,0.152,0.772,0.076,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,16,10,1,0,6,0,14,5,0,4,2,31,30,18,0,0,7,0,4,4,1,0,5,1,0,2,12,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,4,5,19,5,27,26,6,29,0,2,0,0,8,9,0,3,20,113,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619126404702487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603250303790606,0.0,0.0,0.10688834846668467,0.07536196460662277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126243141203152,0.0,0.08999141900808498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950889083135342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136508237196226,0.0,0.14237474736320715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968653063363118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348973070762865,0.1539954584857742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262072876256354,0.0,0.06125359980830278,0.09040036967184396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671869567861343,0.0,0.0,0.09654930321226278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538023321019668,0.0,0.3492612144334985,0.0,0.0,0.09579941271193518,0.0,0.0,0.05923281983767071,0.17570943037171186,0.0,0.11412297714295988,0.11710279215630988,0.0,0.0,0.21062256820519287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194368391904482,0.10927154303936308,0.0,0.0,0.11971877851676398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040941572046534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034173812780259,0.0,0.0,0.11478169901339927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288777222711873,0.1494415330594946,0.0941089423714538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322301211018756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809267412212195,0.11081532401096814,0.10641929911604199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811845081923756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915635426653648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065037777629575,0.0,0.0,0.08607288471054822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620736106189662,0.17325823301783566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160394127159657,0.0,0.0,0.08556492048202068,0.0,0.3716301995636028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317523694166705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725427628600136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784001410346125,0.0,0.2776259758937843
suicidewatch,Mattisfri_,2019/02/08,"I feel like giving up I'm 25 my girlfriend just left me. We met 4 years ago and I wasn't exactly doing so good in life when we did I spent alot of time in and of out court with her helping me out. I feel like I just finally got my shit together my own place,my License ect. And she left me because she doesn't have faith that I can keep it together. It's been a couple weeks now and shes already talking to new guys and genuinely is alot happier without me. When I was with her all I wanted to do was be better because she wanted a future with me and I wanted so badly to give her the best that I could. Now the shes gone I feel like I  have nothing to progress for. I have nothing to offer anyone I dont have a car and I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle of going to work everyday getting home and sleeping until I go to work again its miserable and all I do inbetween is think about her. Shes not going to miss me and niether is my family there all drug addicts they abandoned me along time ago. I feel alone and now that shes not in my life I feel like I've gotten everything good that I was supposed to get out of it and I want a new one I've tried to hurt myself before and I Want to do it again. I'm just taking up space and air ",1.3510318513603177,2.488890718978105,3.5220172528201736,91.99436629064371,77.94160583941607,6.587657597876576,22.308560053085603,7.1686216300943375,0.5412686131386857,963,27,228,11,22,331,131,274,0.094,0.763,0.14300000000000002,0.8826,0,1,1,0,0,2,11.0,2,0,1,5,14,16,1,1,8,0,26,6,2,0,4,50,57,19,0,6,6,0,6,5,1,0,4,0,1,1,10,23,0,2,7,0,1,5,6,6,0,1,12,6,49,10,32,43,7,37,1,4,0,0,22,13,1,2,24,156,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108025657571788,0.0,0.0,0.18019539482542227,0.0,0.0,0.10526835195107724,0.1121622301159752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106902759901558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486512625492412,0.12391755998885612,0.0,0.0864881250807666,0.0,0.10666487381686897,0.0898922904007485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811512424743076,0.11246268935358933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912128338637384,0.0,0.11787009221359886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134744781849104,0.0,0.09581711438786282,0.0,0.3083533250351333,0.3630580607331581,0.0,0.11134161482638076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062053745868576,0.1950046341852041,0.1732930052197484,0.1705015627101869,0.08129076594065601,0.0,0.0,0.10063954632955267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812712685099355,0.0,0.1019531732934479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880768596199407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034227201390777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208642412951958,0.0,0.14358262792572973,0.2482807672093739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963290253880578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950525775868652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887387154563272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061921316926036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043319646767924,0.0,0.0,0.10171336934663897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642060531645943,0.0816943547608839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512678628530187,0.0,0.0,0.11853416329141908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900686521267818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997494272643452,0.0,0.08152945004023933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797730036553833,0.0,0.14799021180838012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545280582184115
suicidewatch,trashpandacorgi,2019/02/08,"I'm going to kill as many cunts as I can then myself I'm going to kill myself soon so I might as well as do some good in this world for once before I leave. I'm going to kill as many cunts as possible then myself.

I'll feel happy I left the world a better place than I found it. I myself might not be able to enjoy the rewards of these deaths but future generations will.

I only expect to have a few hours of freedom before I'm caught.

It's timing to start planning.
",1.9504207920792067,3.1628319009900987,3.937710396039602,89.3176547029703,76.52475247524751,5.8420792079207935,17.57549504950495,5.985473137389443,-0.32895148514851513,366,5,80,2,8,125,60,101,0.138,0.6920000000000001,0.17,0.5158,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,3,11,5,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,18,10,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,5,1,0,2,1,11,6,17,12,2,16,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,7,52,15,0,0.15910106025844276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707665678662786,0.0,0.0,0.14071195858807115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044627651864504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444610052550197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712623970907365,0.13344642084610553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936603711730644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668249588653546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280652511783052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846505043411586,0.17286376749421756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226070064064317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375621648042777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943743667835667,0.0,0.12100352569489965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622674503557,0.0,0.0,0.17936254006781455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261254933958885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927731076935322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305096044154375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Banmelgon,2019/02/08,"Just need to vent somewhere, for posterity and all that. Welp, I'll at least say I tried. I'll also keep it somewhat brief to not bore or annoy anyone, just the important details.

​

Right, to put it simply, I'm done. I've been trying my best for the last six months, gave myself a deadline, tried my best to work hard at improving myself even just the tiniest bit, all just so I might feel a twinge of self fulfillment or happiness. Just thought that following some of the most common advice would help, setting clear goals, keepping at it, but nope, I still feel fucking worthless no matter what I do, I'm too shit to succeed at anything, all the while everyone around me goes on about how I have ""potential"", and I'm ""smart"". Truth is, I'm an ugly, fat, lazy idiot who can't handle any type of stress.

Obviously, I'm not on here just to vent, you know, having finished the basic prep for tomorrow's event. I obviously feel pretty damn awful about having to do this to the people I know and love, but as nice as they act, I know they're slowly hating me more and more, and I'd rather end it when the memories were still good, before I ruin what few good things I have left, which hopefully they'll understand.

Funnily enough, setting a specific date long in advance helps a lot with being at peace with this kind of stuff, no having a breakdown in the middle of my lunch break making me hide in a quieter part of town, no hesitating while looking down at the bridge, I'm just relieved I can think more clearly about this.

And as the last note, no, I don't hate the world, I don't hate people, I don't hate my life situation, I just hate myself for squandering and ruining every opportunity I had.

​

Welp, that's just the gist of it. Going to go to sleep now, take care.",7.669276403743317,6.172740008522728,7.671089572192518,76.94409759358291,63.6875,10.668716577540108,32.92179144385027,9.478462496947786,2.733983756684492,1401,43,279,21,17,453,200,352,0.153,0.632,0.215,0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,1,2,7,24,30,10,1,20,1,21,7,3,2,8,56,55,20,0,4,16,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,17,10,2,2,9,0,0,7,11,15,0,1,6,6,29,15,42,45,17,45,0,3,1,2,10,19,3,8,16,185,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288742260170424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601608480596135,0.0,0.20598582803148505,0.2310063902576078,0.0646412001061594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664652219226693,0.0,0.07822281989026524,0.08461981042324491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088548023482957,0.0,0.19951038445585584,0.0,0.10377630875091172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691571799529798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727508080773617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419122019031397,0.098218046104896,0.0,0.06278345601176072,0.0,0.08008860689145089,0.09082988551429017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418919796319965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787755063839463,0.0,0.0,0.1080447975599468,0.1594565816720343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118866118263793,0.08515132133270042,0.4692395898059223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742779120754005,0.0,0.0,0.09441185234139847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897991604111126,0.0,0.09898598276574702,0.15672053679198922,0.15496631947590345,0.0,0.0,0.10327839924371296,0.0,0.06714071904267807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412138721871824,0.07982292726780282,0.0,0.0,0.08081303756165746,0.08579156608618264,0.0,0.06345048118866943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083917680260672,0.0,0.0,0.07587262857120411,0.0,0.0,0.07048266744028205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029361627126175,0.0,0.1317994390288274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670591654662868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555732841991896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117712943347401,0.0,0.07559218333204942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991639249363965,0.0,0.09757340743419926,0.0,0.10684669610310124,0.09512444301714956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518233611258104,0.0,0.1088860918508802,0.0,0.1088161432137882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147012789427212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315084634532217,0.0609079151608204,0.0,0.07546368328265789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360993524886416,0.0,0.0,0.09895643477078643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920175076634273,0.0,0.0,0.06752490938378304,0.0,0.2310063902576078,0.0
suicidewatch,narcThrowaway144,2019/02/08,"Fuck all the stigma (Rant) Why is there such a bad stigma around suicide?
I don't fucking get it. You only live to produce money and children which will experience the same shit. 
There is literally no meaning to leave for as you die and even if you achieve something, we will all die. What the shit is the problem with ending one part of a forever miserable bloodline!?
I don't know if mentally healthy people fucking know but they don't matter, nobody does.
We are just trapped in because people fear the truth and blessfully ignore it.

TL;DR: The purpose of my and yours life is to make people ignorant.",3.624712918660286,6.153128026315793,4.288660287081342,82.77380382775121,75.75438596491226,6.601594896331737,28.784688995215305,7.686295010490155,2.025694736842105,481,21,84,7,11,153,79,114,0.293,0.6709999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9819,0,1,1,0,0,1,15.0,2,4,1,2,6,13,5,2,8,0,10,6,2,2,3,25,18,8,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,4,11,0,1,0,0,10,2,10,16,4,3,1,1,0,3,8,2,5,2,1,60,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278696279803038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392444504465684,0.0977762667962366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329326546502031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036412859048658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206376219832426,0.0,0.0,0.10594042876064487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689863353314373,0.0,0.1804907460967333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448521625500936,0.0838005932470967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629953194709605,0.0,0.0,0.16983681943432669,0.0,0.0,0.11329284837946653,0.0,0.0,0.14163311928545105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706596306099647,0.0,0.0,0.17471889815962593,0.0,0.0,0.16164202758248314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868887412149048,0.12198882730515498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369386627438033,0.0,0.33359637955843563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534778656180748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32928957008291565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348112402607332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544782577535634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473296591369786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuriouslyYeeting,2019/02/08,Quickest/most painless ways to die with household objects? Title.,6.504000000000001,10.0329354,4.059999999999999,74.86000000000001,95.0,2.0,45.0,3.1291,3.514000000000001,54,4,5,0,2,15,10,10,0.298,0.534,0.168,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7943173995050539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075029784647384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluegass3,2019/02/08,"I wish I was dead I can't do this anymore. My parents hate me, I can't do anything right and I'm just a fucking burden. ",-3.154285714285713,-1.7647364285714264,0.5011428571428596,101.44385714285715,109.71428571428572,2.24,19.88571428571429,3.1291,-0.7718942857142852,92,4,23,0,5,33,21,28,0.374,0.535,0.09,-0.8588,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810188633456437,0.0,0.0,0.3161602968027521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551827015583127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793136790332068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266038196257861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281009988042703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418060542554291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fsdylan,2019/02/08,"My final note In 2 days I'm going to kill myself, I'm not putting this out there for attention or to be talked out of it as I have already made the decision. 

I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember but now it's finally got the best of me. I don't care to elaborate on it because people only understand from their own perspective, so will never understand the same story I am telling, pain I have felt or my reasons for doing things.

I'm already dead inside. For 18 years I've been living through lies and achieved nothing worth talking about, only taken and never been able to give back (basically a piece of shit person). I have figured out that I am worthless and will never be capable of functioning as a member of society, so it would be pointless and a waste of resources for me to carry on trying.

I also know that there is people out for me that are trying to kill me and they have been recording my every move so it's only a matter of time before they do something about it, so before that happens I would like to go out on my own accord. The way I want.

I've thought about this long and thoroughly and about the way it may affect my close friend, but I know that deep down he'll understand, time will pass and he will forget about me.

Anyway, nobody cares until you're dead.

",6.045393258426969,5.7260645505618015,6.643385767790264,79.1365393258427,66.41573033707866,9.517003745318354,31.28314606741573,9.029198982220553,2.498800449438203,1053,36,205,16,15,346,143,267,0.194,0.738,0.069,-0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,3,2,15,11,3,0,9,0,26,2,1,3,3,46,48,23,5,3,5,0,1,1,1,8,1,0,0,1,15,16,0,0,13,0,1,5,5,6,0,0,10,1,25,5,43,27,5,33,0,2,0,0,12,12,1,3,15,150,40,1,0.10730187227686687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23682056857520956,0.08580926849271174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250851643161214,0.0,0.06541022540000695,0.0,0.18261198030257175,0.0,0.11260669495513205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188028201623528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920083075616615,0.11062351870804904,0.09241894536109176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040645528506368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302662456640714,0.2350879124104532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290116034730463,0.0,0.0,0.10293373334051432,0.12196425357512085,0.0,0.0858191094723895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488669128455823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374272471586889,0.0,0.11794060563395467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052422274767554414,0.0,0.0947495190819047,0.18991756074404612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015316259991035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404490891562814,0.0,0.0,0.2482734565515551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295904039715242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482372722231505,0.11417675744709105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877921534215238,0.0936918560460068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786801861423967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032419580221063,0.0,0.0,0.12155210403979334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014382992286596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260622357390464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737083247229195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249036082692715,0.09378656589144818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128659603319601,0.0,0.0,0.17037140170478055,0.12513716924688004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457018555922211,0.0,0.0,0.3351150997319721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328942436454378,0.17034246344467194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244834284874062,0.0,0.0,0.06909888771622895
suicidewatch,idkanyothernames,2019/02/08,"no one cares about me I don't have a family. My social anxiety made it almost impossible for me to make friends, so I've only ever had one close friend and she was the only reason I stayed alive

But about a month ago I had a very bad depressive episode and basically broke down in front of her. I still regret doing that every single day. She ghosted me since then because she said I'm too difficult for her

I've been completely alone the entire month. I hate every single day. I have no reasons to live and I don't even know what to do anymore",1.8280519480519464,3.972727714285714,3.6576948051948053,86.97366883116884,79.89285714285714,6.572727272727272,20.89610389610389,7.686295010490155,0.8571321428571426,432,12,88,7,11,145,76,112,0.221,0.682,0.098,-0.918,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,5,0,10,0,0,4,1,13,17,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,6,1,16,3,10,11,2,13,0,3,0,0,9,3,0,1,8,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608365168099996,0.0,0.16502158178369378,0.1706812238387407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260701639321453,0.0,0.16343552143762866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137599604648047,0.1004594467472904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168022737468311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727877663248697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125623976894777,0.0,0.14194043917699678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884764994806237,0.14906939732105398,0.2776991647645409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535706644307998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546453448912208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627040939046102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056877513088486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455198206141477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593603160434388,0.11000407120255816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630806852623969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233430364975048,0.250672898484979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388799719112003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676081666633185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632276537204588,0.0,0.0,0.1679910007193491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565294296189862,0.13160804705195636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597576544015091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johndeerdrew,2019/02/08,"If this post gets 1000 upvotes, I'll live stream my suicide Looking for an audience. If this gets 1000 upvotes, I'll live stream my suicide. ",4.857777777777779,6.398038666666665,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,69.74074074074073,6.881481481481483,35.72222222222222,7.1686216300943375,2.4377555555555563,112,6,21,1,2,34,16,27,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206554916772467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419464915760829,0.0,0.25769485721116386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938981665655949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6713354483281049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovedcore,2019/02/08,"trapped i feel quite silly writing this, i’m not sure why. i’ve always been taught to keep my feelings hidden, but within the past few days everything has turned terrible. i’m 17, i’m bipolar and i have an eating disorder. my mother was physically abusive til the time i was 6 years old. so, obviously, i’m already fucked up from that. a year ago, i met a girl online. i’ll call her n. n and i fell in love so quickly, but in november, i attempted suicide. i was in the hospital for a week, and when i came back, she was talking to someone else. not just someone else, but one of my best friends. she said she had lost feelings for me. our feud went on and on for months. we got back together a few times, but it would never work. it feels like every time we break up i lose another part of me. she’s told me she wished i had died, that she wants me to slit my wrists, and that there’s a reason my mom left me, but somehow i still love her. whenever we do speak, she makes me feel like i should be the one apologizing. i always forgive her because she has some weird way with words. i know what you’re thinking.. “why are you contemplating suicide over an online relationship?” i have the same question. i’ve had thoughts of suicide since i was a kid and they’ve grown to be the only thing i can think about. my sister tells me if i kill myself she will too, and that makes me feel trapped. i want to be free and happy, but i don’t want her to follow along. i can’t do that to my family. what do i do?",1.3769990084829828,3.192667204472844,3.0582879806103342,92.35987220447285,79.83067092651757,6.234174286658588,22.294700892365324,7.237678284180719,0.6010445962322346,1157,36,263,15,29,383,173,313,0.2,0.675,0.124,-0.9852,0,2,0,0,0,4,44.0,4,1,0,6,12,18,3,0,14,0,27,6,1,3,3,54,61,19,5,7,10,3,6,2,1,3,1,2,0,2,11,14,1,1,13,0,1,5,5,7,0,2,18,8,56,12,27,37,6,35,0,2,0,3,39,10,1,4,20,172,67,2,0.0,0.11831045070561715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851438825847596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019117546306237,0.0,0.16617275784792945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470543865240632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356285082856544,0.0,0.060869963006119764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479042556792004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196191646226667,0.11420617086480273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439745440963028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036325022222424,0.0,0.11444113079965272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217538831340447,0.16683011043014695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413115159079794,0.0,0.08974217649080635,0.0,0.0941332965023982,0.0,0.3029345556737967,0.14267118060031714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714681508350679,0.09231324930158068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986222317469549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629625016158373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875466488962355,0.1104734593315796,0.0,0.05487704910016575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849146963692873,0.0,0.0,0.09756706711477997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171088506112054,0.10900224216003038,0.0,0.18024394559369103,0.0,0.13330640296011553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694758934422933,0.07970236796062516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701342322385084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477978883835116,0.0,0.13532706788119214,0.07594333112246131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081319584081153,0.09532177167637433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185913312213523,0.10620683081531934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266635951937512,0.0,0.10720563544549454,0.0,0.0,0.0949838508994786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260011331699067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921163847576168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974339113684524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32767162260467303,0.0,0.09411104539696184,0.0,0.0,0.08025871962861475,0.08727664155523393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633844229762252,0.12796459427542953,0.0,0.07927278078963522,0.17467669961768684,0.0,0.0,0.09541460594432286,0.0,0.0,0.10861228445463536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766891137978551,0.07925931599256793,0.08009671281947367,0.0,0.0,0.09256549327195372,0.18020508594979148,0.0,0.1148269672213562,0.0,0.0,0.07269477157921789,0.0,0.0,0.07093329011480609,0.0,0.0,0.12860517490436388
suicidewatch,ratbaby,2019/02/08,In a foreign country away from my usual support systems and for the first time cannot think of any scenario to make my crisis stop ruining me. Studying abroad and was dating someone here very verbally abusive who ended up breaking up with me suddenly while calling me unstable and telling me to « fix your depression before you start a relationship ». Went into a crisis that was honestly building up for a while because I think my meds are off and now things are really terrible. I can no longer see any future scenario where I am actually stable. I understand suicide for the first time even tho I’ve been suicidal before. I really do feel like I’m right here because I’m not scared to die. And I just want people to help me. I’m sorry. ,6.145248226950352,6.955979127659575,6.9228368794326265,73.33333333333334,66.23404255319149,9.954609929078016,34.815602836879435,9.994966539143718,3.669785815602838,591,27,101,13,9,196,94,141,0.236,0.643,0.121,-0.9683,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,2,7,7,0,1,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,16,22,8,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,4,2,16,3,17,18,0,26,0,2,1,0,7,9,0,0,15,69,19,0,0.0,0.1809811659734955,0.1490598190591298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774748443987526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351158662960714,0.0,0.0,0.1862272827448211,0.0,0.2599542554732973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155972582440319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156145666436106,0.0,0.15852810105170034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528921320873466,0.0,0.0,0.10088848156798086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723387744210426,0.10912305912902176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25985440198466697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238363082531016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462485968793969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196034287573247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966837172209118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589609205838592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570830453944985,0.0,0.0,0.16399397336531255,0.0,0.13044578694515482,0.0,0.0,0.15292719527356305,0.0,0.12172022059754715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942271559690274,0.0,0.0,0.17098865690559004,0.10811567931451624,0.0,0.0,0.12770400073142998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341626033413764,0.1733363937550513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350831018486795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147885131266053,0.1957492456259654,0.0,0.0,0.1781369415616078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901584716100126,0.0,0.0,0.16823012209823504,0.12603293237701144,0.09009461023728264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415987412891713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway018363818,2019/02/08,Just feeling like dying There's no one in my life anymore and I'm useless.,0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,2.2800000000000007,92.965,89.0,3.2,26.75,3.1291,0.4419749999999998,60,3,12,0,2,20,16,16,0.263,0.526,0.211,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944193896884718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174075597788509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520776555983945,0.35615827960455354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521347359693685,0.2435622851331813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378247483317376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kdnull,2019/02/08,"Best way without traumatizing innocent people or family? Gun would mean someone would find me shot and dead, traumatize them severely. Jumping off a building, people would watch it happen. Cutting, found bloody by family. Thoughts for alternatives?",7.531315789473684,11.71691581578948,6.626631578947368,61.0894210526316,75.05263157894737,10.40842105263158,36.54736842105263,9.888512548439397,5.735456842105265,203,11,23,7,5,62,34,38,0.363,0.511,0.126,-0.8999,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,4,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881667398766035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290582972702248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799137260012315,0.0,0.0,0.2495145786193338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123602799372772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478862914229837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155314822148361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570850176536921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281609212757544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806621334280487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063144724623292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193656839622808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849694710679477,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_insertedgynamehere_,2019/02/08,"Sick of this (rant?) My whole life i kinda just feel like the person no one cared about , i have friends sure but im not close enough with any of them to like hang out with them outside of school and stuff, they probably just think of me as some random person who theyll only know for a couple years (which is true aha). Apart from 2 of my friends whove been my friends for like 5 years and today one of them blocked me on ig and has been ignoring me, i have no idea why aha.
This isnt the complete reason i feel like this but just realizing this rn is just hurting me more.
Everyday is just the same thing repeatee over and over ,nothing is ever different, its all just wakeup go to school get home,sleep, and repeat. Other people go out and have fun and shit while im just at home contemplating my life or whatever. Just seeing my friends going out and stuff w/o me , makes me realize that im just a person who theyll forget about when we go to college, a distant memory. Yeah it's probably my fault, im too shy and awkward to hold a decent conversation with someone , and if i do i have this kinda fake persona.
And then theres my parents they just make me feel like a piece of shit
Life isnt worth it ,its just an endless cycle of shit.
I feel like the best way for me to end it is to starve myself, its long and painful and i can just accept my fate wooo.
Honestly this sounds like some edgy teen moaning because she has no friends but i promise its not that haha this isnt a spur of the moment kinda thing. Ive been feeling like this everyday, even if nothing bad has happened haha. ",2.7622230063514484,4.197316834862388,3.7492507645259927,90.58318454481298,74.84097859327217,6.620983298047519,23.8919077864032,7.1686216300943375,0.7646811103269822,1243,37,270,13,26,400,164,327,0.166,0.64,0.195,0.9095,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,7,1,19,33,3,1,12,3,23,8,3,3,4,70,40,23,0,2,20,1,5,8,5,2,5,1,1,3,25,21,0,3,12,0,1,5,8,10,0,2,3,7,36,23,32,35,9,28,0,1,1,0,21,9,3,9,21,179,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566621547633733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834797204638106,0.04989984873605642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590487206802593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345963924107498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582650693608979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905742686944269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552413893393056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250185016108962,0.08458114807832917,0.0,0.05406640633156812,0.07404520548682318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694920448047505,0.29239669203654084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162162594667974,0.0,0.04276740219317585,0.0,0.1860870457909754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238671802778768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422040349927838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763063235447993,0.09240766582921436,0.35368254713028024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04498699052772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345608036335708,0.3199332905892324,0.0,0.0,0.07244171301577339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928163932987392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570898283994258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110938135718706,0.062256662372902526,0.08710263404447223,0.0,0.09089357023629624,0.0,0.0,0.056749998148162464,0.21442562302325965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765134379478794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416360972296537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568923846005493,0.06523019083363531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520780391177348,0.0,0.0,0.08191707043438165,0.0,0.0693579784455583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741554505469435,0.0,0.0,0.07715015251821973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876557410439563,0.05245127138711079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759176861281818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497503339298571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386407093313478,0.09139148187752716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542767659899258
suicidewatch,bldwnsbtch,2019/02/08,"This pain will never stop I don't want to die, but I'm running out of options. I feel caged by life, suffocating. No one wants to help. I've tried so hard to reach out. My family has their claws in me, draining me of any will to live I had left. All my ""friends"" abandoned me. Death seems to be the only way to escape this living hell. 

I don't want to die, but I'd rather end it while there is still something left of me; before they destroy what little part of me remains.",1.9644000000000013,3.2348712400000004,3.2089999999999996,94.31950000000002,76.6,5.8000000000000025,21.5,5.985473137389443,-0.010200000000000207,364,9,85,2,8,118,71,100,0.229,0.628,0.142,-0.948,0,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,2,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,2,15,14,4,3,4,3,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,2,13,1,15,10,2,13,1,1,0,0,4,6,1,2,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513168618913614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657717544507418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381942311290938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297638854837712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346627778251475,0.0,0.09303992624808502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421640519619001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483494121543205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333662087778365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39985025720613704,0.0,0.12997022598534355,0.0,0.18442426273169016,0.32496470490145296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191824107201567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468851947607107,0.13994630446074674,0.19579738583330047,0.0,0.0,0.19926263109155629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751388704878914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416582760885172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694895166994715,0.15383884900177716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492928978666125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255978918620388,0.14605691116393255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bwjebdj,2019/02/08,"Medical help is too expensive and its going to be the reason I'm going to be dead I overdosed last night. I didn't intend to, but when your on ambien you do stupid shit. I've overdosed about six times. I planned to hang myself. I've gone to inpatient two times. I did a partial hospitalization program. I need to suck it up, don't I? The hospital recommended that I needed to go to therapy twice/week to not relapse. But that would be $250/week. I can't do that. They also put me on a mood stabilizer that costs $600 with a savings card they gave me. My copay without the savings card was $1200. All that would be 

I stole from my mom, I drove drunk, I am an addict, I've made people uncomfortable, I treat my friends like therapists, I am financially irresponsible, I stole my brother's pain pills, and I use people. 

I'm one of those piece of shits you hear about with a toxic personality. I have a moral duty to kill myself. I can forgive myself. And to top it all of, I'm having a pity party. I imagine I will get responses to kill myself and that I'm a piece of shit in the comments. I absolutely know I will.

Berate me until I have the courage to do it. ",1.726295454545454,3.5854686750000013,4.152045454545455,84.72477272727275,78.91666666666666,7.03030303030303,23.40909090909091,8.00094639256281,1.2442499999999996,902,30,192,16,22,315,131,240,0.217,0.6759999999999999,0.108,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,4,35.0,0,3,2,2,5,17,7,0,13,0,23,8,3,4,2,26,41,9,3,4,4,2,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,1,11,6,1,1,4,1,2,7,5,9,0,3,7,1,38,7,28,26,4,18,1,1,0,0,14,5,4,0,7,130,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592654249887449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683234653251265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287285469012405,0.0,0.07632875648716116,0.0,0.24908795148646515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466000393706584,0.0,0.09792458989590358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32326557379591825,0.0,0.08029014784603923,0.11908715625181066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137477663249987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823889098581754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717562950900465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110503193324392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665560513774573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710052809005155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899794600762422,0.0,0.15545568359145476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256815084219065,0.1275647675958347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686611308876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021028498779734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498941314384724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707269058595967,0.16962788603405865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037867095663378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271386484862408,0.0,0.0,0.12617941888435288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343776503914772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408306411980029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075637973947317,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angels_forever,2019/02/08,"Why do suicidal people get charged for refusal to go to the hospital when cops are called? Idk this is just a random thought I’m having right now as I was reading a few people’s stories with suicide. A lot of the time people get into trouble for refusing to go to the hospital in these situations and fighting to not have to go. I know people shouldn’t fight against the police or law, I get that. But it’s not normal for things to be so low that you want to harm yourself or end your life. People who are trying to end their life are so low and gone that nothing really matters in these situations but being released of their pain. If they are in so much pain and want to succeed in killing themself, of course they’re going to want to fight against you when you are going to keep them from doing so. I’m currently in the process of being in court for the second time. My parents or medical care team have called police on me when I’ve attempted or they’ve know I’m feeling horribly suicidal. It’s just icky. Charging people and making them attend court appearances that are dragged out for so long, and causing them to be very anxious at the possibility of the judge deciding a bad punishment for you that you can’t get out of...doesn’t seem like it’s going to make that person not want to kill themself again. Why punish people who are suffering? They didn’t call the people, someone who cares about them that’s what’s them alive did. People who are suffering like this are most likely some of the nicest, caring individuals that just can’t see how great they are or feel so hopeless in their suffering. They don’t want to hurt the cops or anyone else, they just want to stop hurting themselves. Okay little rant over, thank you.",5.851561624649861,6.323492338235294,5.9948739495798335,80.91931372549021,66.79411764705883,8.829131652661065,30.602240896358552,8.704169506293173,2.2811946778711483,1385,49,266,20,21,440,166,340,0.239,0.626,0.135,-0.9927,2,0,0,0,4,2,26.0,0,7,13,3,17,30,7,0,15,1,27,5,0,4,0,55,62,25,5,9,16,1,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,21,9,0,4,7,2,0,9,8,20,0,1,5,3,25,10,49,52,5,38,0,8,1,0,35,17,0,13,15,176,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030551402496946,0.0,0.05589347306073173,0.0819044107027658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674365484340611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24487237158690664,0.0,0.2445018274023441,0.0821168250684213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677670482366464,0.0,0.14160005974650816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083661217973859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705412875123324,0.0,0.2725785970651839,0.0,0.0,0.08813029496471331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114739485197386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105125140511416,0.17687583052276026,0.0,0.08786204120843948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292305547271912,0.11715883705469896,0.08011739263004146,0.0,0.07074130431417631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795917033367818,0.0,0.0,0.10671649498547046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805276336618185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058762539456490674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832081699344325,0.07670124637338326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011618541280735,0.0,0.08876004507082465,0.0,0.0,0.4987612591599784,0.06979748554419392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901164150690946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995815147127326,0.0,0.05120938129213083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826535089909758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369905663646082,0.07277120515968925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797039942848667,0.0,0.0,0.06772995358026654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683050963397548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623127343780685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359480735824397,0.0,0.0,0.05310627162384893,0.0,0.0,0.06346066749811335,0.09322325472196387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427164957894821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595600022848028,0.28289178175841284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426055106198427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrisonerOfHere,2019/02/08,"How do i obtain a terminal disease quickly? As the title says, better to go out that way",1.125,3.451149277777777,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,84.0,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.6864666666666666,69,3,12,1,2,25,18,18,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5747780719768381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693495069978761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168214717806218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158552858714608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bronadoes,2019/02/08,"I would’ve ended it a long time ago if it wasn’t for my family I’ve been depressed and anxious for about as long as i can remember. I excelled in school early on so i was able to distract myself with at least a superficial confidence that one day things will get better. Once i got to high school, i started feeling overwhelmed with all that i was taking on. I kept my head up despite increasingly frequent breakdowns because from the outside, i was still on a successful trajectory. I am now in community college and can hardly drag myself out of the house more than 2 days a week. Doing any work whatsoever makes me so anxious i sweat, palpitate, and sometimes pass out. Absolutely nothing brings me joy anymore and i’m sick of letting everyone down around me. There is no career that i would be happy doing because nothing can keep my interest for too long without making me tremble and hate it. 

I have fantasized about ending it many times. I will be honest, i would’ve done it if i hadn’t had several friends die that way and saw what it did to their families. I know my parents love me and i could never do that to them, but sometimes i just can’t take it anymore. I don’t know why i’m alive. I’ve tried doctor after doctor, medication after medication, meditation, exercise, eating healthy, counselors, all of it. Nothing has ever helped me hate myself any less. I don’t remember what it feels like to enjoy something. 

I’m not posting here because i’m at risk for killing myself. I know that i won’t do it. And that’s why i can’t get help for it. If you tell someone you’re having suicidal thoughts, you’re put on watch, it becomes a whole big thing. That would break my parents’ hearts too. Why would i bring it up if i know i won’t do it? But at the same time, sometimes i just wish i’d go in a “freak” or natural way like a car crash. I sometimes think of driving my car off of a bridge but i’m afraid of fight or flight kicking in. I want to be gone and i want it quick, and painless for the few who love me. ",3.505792220113854,4.865268083333337,4.755648323845666,84.40864326375714,72.82352941176471,7.519418089816573,28.84756483238457,8.049812674583475,1.8701510752688173,1590,64,322,23,31,526,209,408,0.119,0.7340000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.7916,2,0,1,0,1,2,40.0,0,1,2,4,15,24,4,5,12,0,38,12,3,2,4,54,73,23,3,11,13,2,3,2,1,7,6,0,0,0,28,15,1,2,10,1,0,10,12,11,0,1,14,5,51,13,47,47,9,56,0,2,2,2,13,20,0,6,24,219,79,9,0.07775486115346056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892499295267847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575194382430872,0.0,0.0,0.1756817221242069,0.1542238578195539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692183114144408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421959249938618,0.0858741352548097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876785600846665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208092966040255,0.0,0.0,0.1002909058896234,0.0,0.06697014797616142,0.0,0.08069726996788576,0.0,0.0,0.15917079029228284,0.0,0.07957021887117315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956263448235737,0.0,0.0,0.1377354562329316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033372346311641,0.0,0.07429810194350292,0.0,0.0,0.14660072618010547,0.0,0.07863038814272402,0.05554808834418809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060073212847891036,0.0,0.08124741147827592,0.0,0.04418987945499008,0.0,0.062187665506167236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277149554362691,0.06965308298231421,0.1535336555008334,0.07979891982143639,0.0,0.0,0.09213988484191077,0.10423488885806954,0.08215227984674123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971867020360072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911209321326188,0.08602423352519749,0.0,0.17092815289860036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950961358243212,0.0,0.07597419521967676,0.0,0.0,0.2064318159540749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035359588692048,0.0,0.10380394719265362,0.07883122510157678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566596847716721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059969342356690415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223823659010842,0.0,0.0,0.08280638948428866,0.05268870622920807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267514328696573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446766355618957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816511149598374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616220056511947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573841412424425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784086106210345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588144153126557,0.05985949087474975,0.30760618346969626,0.0,0.055035290926493424,0.0,0.06209513255720235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505119797724761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692395775107282,0.0,0.0679611758323586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331374950032393,0.04982217542345019,0.0,0.06172867445357531,0.1360184544798378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052790446760066126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172366333459536,0.1234363791854764,0.06237025951638193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104850045879996,0.08681052569166411,0.08941425300707022,0.07495291146324515,0.0,0.056606464975646135,0.0,0.0,0.2761741123373317,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tollph3,2019/02/08,Incurable chronic illness for life will kill me It will make me do it. It just matter of time but only one thing: Surviving suicide attempt,3.1925641025641016,6.113868000000004,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,80.53846153846153,6.543589743589743,31.743589743589745,7.793537801064563,2.7917589743589746,112,6,18,2,3,36,22,26,0.306,0.5870000000000001,0.108,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,4,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859177494638852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102250704107837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931742506636093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29761820017334234,0.3340369059599845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804214465707049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917897817198699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561052801748748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OprahsAfro,2019/02/08,"I'm broken beyond repair. I break everything in my life. Relationships, promises, friends and family anything I touch really. I just don't wanna be a burden on myself or anyone anymore. To top it off the only thing that gave me a little bit of happiness was my PC, and I've had major problems lately with that. Went over to r/techsupport  and got no answers. I'm broken and ugly. ",2.8866602316602297,5.158175581081082,5.276100386100385,76.06445945945947,76.97297297297297,7.471814671814672,24.08494208494209,8.418075326091056,2.0047050193050198,299,10,50,6,7,105,60,74,0.17600000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.162,-0.2864,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,9,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,1,7,3,10,3,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600698808834002,0.18336308343740765,0.0,0.2157997375971446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28629625253428176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568283205788826,0.0,0.2472148857778475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260462331209195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097358863831388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791574960050394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958161710277081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522663299302355,0.0,0.2628316213889164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944400787611014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509265915194708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799653949655782,0.0,0.0,0.28154574317626585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421944247824425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430974872489794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Juststupidcantdothis,2019/02/08,"Would you want to die If you’re mother took away everything and you woke up at 28 no friends barely had lived life. at 17 she convinced you not to apply to ivy leagues but your friends with less accomplishments got in. Yelled you into a fucking business degree at 23 when you come from a family of engineers and we’re a year ahead in math. Could’ve gone to Ivy League and made tons of money but now teeth rotting out of mouth and no one in life. Teeth rotting cuz lack of self care comes with how she treats me, she let my baby teeth all rot so it was unintentionally for me but self abuse I’m used to. Business degree that pays nothing (literally they offer me 9-11 dollars hr) would you kill yourself? ",2.632651391162028,4.740488326241135,3.3690780141843994,90.22615384615385,77.08510638297872,6.040589198036008,22.902891434806328,7.010146845296331,0.6122357883251497,558,17,117,6,13,176,100,141,0.141,0.774,0.086,-0.8922,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,7,1,2,4,7,2,0,3,0,5,7,4,4,1,24,17,12,2,5,5,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,2,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,2,0,1,7,1,15,5,24,7,4,18,0,0,0,1,17,10,1,1,4,70,17,3,0.0,0.2162411719430365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171471509277024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860782398763882,0.0,0.0,0.3144275613749947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571713749777726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941364518750045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640256908950261,0.0,0.1720515324989248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820091987788901,0.16872495283204725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596766921497795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019171609269168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662596320905794,0.2578204460932287,0.0,0.0,0.16115718916980068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269271249504314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512056747941745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236715927448262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807895972517932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277219926471404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762761081773086,0.0,0.0,0.1076474670646902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592957374892804,0.0,0.0,0.11752864422964487
suicidewatch,DeadGirl288006,2019/02/08,"Which is better, hanging or overdose? I’ve heard that an overdose could just leave you brain dead, like a vegetable. I don’t want that, I want final death. 

I’ve also heard conflicting stories on hanging. My plan is to just kick a chair out from under me. I’m ok with it hurting, as long as it works. 

But which one would work best?",1.422430703624734,3.6620429701492547,2.232409381663114,96.10507462686569,81.98507462686567,4.425586353944564,21.51172707889127,5.288315135182226,-0.12152281449893375,257,8,55,1,7,80,51,67,0.195,0.619,0.18600000000000005,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,5,3,5,0,0,3,1,5,2,1,0,0,11,10,5,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,2,5,4,8,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,34,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186968935910855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869938739349354,0.24186534644280436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305287196386246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183465710775681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29957717311939386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29275935170318473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895692604637382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360548164579966,0.0,0.0,0.2420157012330604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531291980633474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226038573413382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981843569632731,0.0,0.0,0.19426793631832495,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lvcifer_michael,2019/02/08,"Life is painful, death is relieving I think life is nonsense... We are born then fight against death untill the time of our death. That's a battle lost since the begining. Honestly, that's really pathetic.

I also don't think that creating a meaning to life makes sense. I will end up dead anyway. I don't care about leaving behind a legacy, because I won't be there to see it, and the people that will see it will die anyway.

The thing I hate the most is suffering. Life is full of suffering. Death is the inevitable end and it's where everything ceases, including suffering.

I hate to live, I just wanna die.  ",2.606073446327688,5.058528788135593,3.745000000000001,85.72704802259891,78.91525423728814,7.662146892655366,24.240112994350284,8.59863814320734,1.8920146892655367,479,17,92,11,12,155,69,118,0.429,0.535,0.037000000000000005,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,2,0,0,1,7,12,4,0,9,0,14,5,0,1,0,10,25,5,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,2,10,3,11,19,2,10,0,4,2,0,3,3,0,1,7,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598837061085073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366048015187228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337660325973164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529686699043197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012264281341229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528293536826328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357769735534031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005766457332945,0.0,0.0,0.4804434223394093,0.0,0.0,0.15015665489799984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562890795257103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350923391209593,0.0,0.0,0.18523354867471795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094445366562004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178907793443002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893794141896426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27101456511338035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066654527418507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297320454108795,0.2179214612582716,0.0,0.0,0.0991571193162126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ch8s3,2019/02/08,"$5k In debt from getting help So on July 23 I was one trigger pull away from ending it all. I decided to go to the emergency room instead. The hospital admitted me and transferred me 2 hours away to their mental health facility. At that time I was just starting a full time job so I didn't have insurance. They kept me for 5 days against my will and now I have to pay them $5,000 all because I chose not to end it all. There were not resources and I didn't know what else to do or where else to go at the time but I figured I was doing the right thing. Idk what to do now. No one mentioned this when they say to seek help. I sometimes wish I took the cheaper route...",1.2462567713976185,2.9809426830985934,2.796760563380285,94.46638678223188,79.91549295774648,6.059371614301193,23.599133261105088,7.010146845296331,0.6266201516793064,519,18,121,6,13,170,92,142,0.068,0.856,0.076,0.4588,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,1,3,18,21,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,3,0,1,4,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,8,1,19,0,19,12,4,25,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,11,86,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504619919583256,0.0,0.0,0.11369392883269765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028263591879128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116080537208352,0.0,0.33038257234225354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744306053971752,0.0,0.21199430335706207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824995057558045,0.0,0.0,0.2500256045218964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367342978578002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508103504839027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250026461023842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795683024628573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527661471270327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592773496866169,0.0,0.14831914730393084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844618026153584,0.0,0.13201176721808994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123908045363846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262640434505791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721794882342093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447571831162174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kiwiwiw,2019/02/08,"Had a bad day today Rang in sick to work today. Been drinking since 2pm. Just had a bath and cut myself for the first time ever. Not really sure where I go from here. Kinda wanna die, also know I won't really do it. Just gonna keep drinking and smoking until I fall asleep I guess. Sick of these bad days. Want out.",-0.6252404643449445,1.5502150000000017,1.7551243781094534,95.73859038142622,93.02985074626864,4.171807628524046,11.922056384742953,5.82211442006289,-1.107453067993366,243,3,54,2,9,82,55,67,0.295,0.687,0.018000000000000002,-0.9648,0,0,2,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,3,0,5,5,1,0,2,14,11,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,3,2,1,1,3,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,1,5,1,8,6,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,8,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971183170182444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543887823474996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27372800046452805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025030241092905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415788571236225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196465839058555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051377087166634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060921413248972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378366958154326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886304138483367,0.0,0.0,0.11663026946710905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190645048530765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555013675371384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001433685773454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374687827966413,0.0,0.4023184825473039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517254050677626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154498300057255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uuygfdddrykohfruujjj,2019/02/08,"My father told me he dreamt that I died and my mother born me again I've been through *so much shit* and *this* is the thing that made me genuinely wanna die for the first time in my life. I do wish I was born again. My neck is all cracking and always hurting, I'm always depressed and dissociated, I've been kicked from college for the second time, I don't eat and I don't do anything. I'm a total failure. I wish it was a bad dream and I would wake up having a healthy mind, body and not have lost my opportunities. I wish I lived again but didn't make all those stupid things that ruined me. But that trash is me. My reality. That thing that died in his dream. ",-0.11816946442845833,2.152809129496404,1.5986450839328548,97.35521782573944,90.79856115107913,4.239968025579536,16.355315747402074,5.82211442006289,-0.7303192645883296,515,12,120,4,18,167,78,139,0.185,0.713,0.102,-0.9444,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,2,0,6,0,15,6,4,2,3,21,24,10,3,5,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,2,8,0,21,1,8,15,4,11,0,4,0,0,5,3,1,0,8,82,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514355248223937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433298859229674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615261358622004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782529903081903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013233156849913,0.0,0.4704181285012971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460128794409872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851582848034498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174339882723934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671829865661456,0.0,0.0,0.13341394218412236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493098098188896,0.0,0.0,0.14296362252978756,0.10085276860222668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255634723029715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110674557872529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509020731350018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011295221494809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620187653465794,0.0,0.0,0.14437156747008656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212330674589917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732895847896416,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ErynnTheSmallOne,2019/02/08,"My depression drains all my friends... I haven't felt like this in a long time, I managed to get over my depression for a few years and I thought that everything was going to be okay.

I finished my GCSEs and most of my friends in real life moved away, I now go to college and talk to absolutely nobody.
I have 4 close friends online who are basically the only reason I cope.

One of them brought up how I was really draining them with constantly being anxious about whether I had annoyed them (anxiety makes me question if I messed up, often and I apologise a lot)
And I realised that this applies to all of the friends I had online... I just drain them and bring them down because I'm just inherently anxious and depression...

I've cut myself off totally from them and honestly I can't see any other option than ending it all.

I didn't think I would ever feel like this again but here I am posting on this sub 3 years later...

I'm sorry for the awful formatting and spelling. I'm not in the best place right now and can't think about it too much.",3.2640923163523787,4.946246779904307,4.505184351252463,84.65981987053195,74.02392344497608,7.597072896144104,28.08359133126935,8.313332769828598,1.958710441880101,823,33,164,14,17,271,126,209,0.131,0.809,0.06,-0.9015,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,6,1,12,15,2,0,7,2,14,1,0,3,5,38,29,14,0,2,6,0,2,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,7,0,0,5,5,6,0,1,8,3,31,9,25,18,9,31,0,3,1,0,13,13,0,6,14,121,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453549161228064,0.0,0.10634668462525022,0.3140965048528277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060989335844167,0.0,0.0,0.08474272395339634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458884755025787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022666263593384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592022406391915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312671140167633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574772404286574,0.0,0.0,0.12493841155403335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029055098113651,0.0993128948715008,0.13347694113710107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296129605893171,0.0,0.07263000289701077,0.0,0.15801173302328048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819095053120444,0.135832167905524,0.0,0.0,0.123024583126061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818623760119565,0.0,0.0,0.09279410689089404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775176473442148,0.10219258734553416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420068446341442,0.10572775844738204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524189312407856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313868150164593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155729479232348,0.0,0.0,0.15823038228937816,0.08905706286709505,0.14293136605284024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871870921431055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077757138064988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561677470392424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173561123500167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815138621656204,0.0,0.11036299428666914,0.08106121424400922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875281545186493,0.0,0.0,0.1790431979530374
suicidewatch,SheleBel3,2019/02/08,"Estranged spouse suicidal - how do I help him? My ex has revealed to me that he has a plan to kill himself. I do not see this as a desperate plea, and that is what frightens me, he is eerily at peace. 

A little background - in the last year he lost his 20-yr marriage to me, then lost his job, then lost the girlfriend he had been having an affair with, then got into legal/financial trouble with his former employer. As all of this was unfolding, he attempted suicide three times--I believe those times were largely alcohol-induced cries for help. Now things are different.

While we are in the process of getting a divorce, I still care about him deeply. He has systematically isolated himself over the past few years, pushing away his friends as he sunk into a mid-life depression. He has no family. I am one of the few he hasn't been able to push away, and while I will not pretend to overlook what has happened and jump back into a relationship with him, I don't want  him to end it all. 

I matter-of-factly said that he can't kill himself without wrapping up loose ends, like sorting through all of his mother's belongings that are in my basement (he laughed and said okay). I am trying to give him tasks to give me time to try and get through to him.

Any advice?",5.2698170731707314,6.009340565040648,5.563973577235775,82.55620426829269,68.14634146341463,8.426422764227643,32.44817073170732,8.472884824447931,2.432529268292684,993,42,194,14,16,316,144,246,0.17,0.74,0.09,-0.9703,3,0,1,0,1,1,36.0,1,0,0,5,7,12,2,0,12,1,24,0,0,1,3,22,38,14,4,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,11,12,0,0,1,1,0,3,7,7,0,2,11,3,29,5,36,26,5,32,0,4,1,0,41,12,0,1,18,136,40,2,0.1260472153809207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317188005458643,0.0,0.13470613983621035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571642880221655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368510161419549,0.09692252819765357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420120479966546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851353668738727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845694737468398,0.0,0.0,0.108564281908793,0.0,0.0,0.13169251229082266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328084006370874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882609674624008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738376592966257,0.0,0.1317089352591397,0.2418319490801883,0.0,0.0,0.10081147277238307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146313628402676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897358301712667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508241186116625,0.0,0.2789051367406784,0.0,0.0,0.10274530383318273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158030254434136,0.12633242360330835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127862760697499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854128552696859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032632962079785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532753746559734,0.0,0.0,0.2397995326982805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044331127060464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066146902502908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757503906716534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374016905114262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699828986693975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711555705742505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434591340240755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150501762183735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234054817004887
suicidewatch,NadineTheBadHybrid,2019/02/08,"Little Things It's the little things in life that keep us going

It's the little things in life that keep us down

It's the little things in life that keep on building

It's the little things in life that keep on hurting

It's the little things in life that overwhelm me

It's the little things in life that want to kill me

It's the little things in life that want me dead here

It's the little things in life that I have to fear

It's the little things in life, like being dropped out

It's the little things in life, like all of my doubt

It's the little things in life, that's what they all say

So why don't the little things ever go away

​

We've come to a consensus, we're killing ourselves this afternoon. We've been dropped out of a course for the first time and I can only imagine my parents taking everything from us again. I can't imagine this life anymore, not without the few things that give me joy. The antidepressants don't work, we keep telling them that, but nobody ever listens. Nobody ever listens to us. They don't even know we exist at this point.

​

Why exist if nobody else cares enough to see you there? Why exist if all you do is fail?",2.315045454545455,4.320450050000005,2.8245454545454542,94.24227272727276,77.66666666666666,5.03030303030303,19.659090909090907,5.565023196281405,-0.27775000000000016,932,21,197,4,22,288,96,240,0.087,0.861,0.052000000000000005,-0.8466,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,6,2,3,3,8,11,2,3,17,0,10,12,0,0,6,28,27,5,3,4,5,1,0,2,0,0,12,3,0,0,40,6,0,5,3,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,1,4,20,4,28,25,5,44,0,3,1,0,17,32,0,3,9,134,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463982048372908,0.11735014703756985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788861300259823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536806358369711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049232723581010635,0.0,0.0,0.04159574280611698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033833716290704,0.0,0.0,0.0498943000637307,0.0,0.03189369690721911,0.13103748712723085,0.0,0.0,0.04339804323914297,0.0,0.0,0.054337302745611535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107365582324282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632214554597363,0.05488624304360195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169318654104583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146024832008684,0.10684679494798636,0.0,0.0265377623188083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092859895215972,0.04718204932100528,0.6291629882868688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03672511740468837,0.0,0.0,0.05361798899955452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564766547249961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038400469437294235,0.0,0.0,0.038479197653521716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630648488915792,0.0,0.04220574552667829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491246122788617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028157057841715263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323375516667346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696289897961719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307169340733067,0.0,0.0,0.0465478042272946,0.0,0.035154160101941744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735014703756985,0.0
suicidewatch,Yams93,2019/02/08,"I need somebody, it's bad. In 2008, when I was 14, me and my buddy were being crazy in class, and I bet him that I could masturbate without anybody seeing. I tried for a minute without exposing myself, couldn't do it, and we thought it was hilarious. I've never been the type to do weird stuff, I know this is wrong, and I never did anything like that before or after, and there's no excuse, but at 14 we thought it was funny even though I know it's not.

A year later I was joking about it during lunch, an upperclassman overheard me, and him and his friends made fun of me and started telling everybody they knew. He would yell it at me in the hallways, and tell everybody around him when he saw me. In a gym class, his buddy yelled it at me, so I joked about it because it made people laugh.

I ended up still having a great time in high school, had a lot of friends, talked to everybody, never seemed to be judged and I don't know how many people knew, but everybody still seemed to like me and nobody really brought it up my 11th and 12th grade years.

A few months ago, at 24, was in college and working hard, 100% happy with life, it dawned on me how weird this actually was, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I've talked to about 30 people from high school, saying things like ""Do you remember any rumors about me in high school"", ""Do you remember what I was known for in high school"", and even brought up the topic itself a few times.  Nobody that I've talked to says they can remember anything but good things, or ""just that I was known for dating a black girl"" and even when I bring it up, the people I've talked to either can't remember what I'm talking about, or the 2 close friends that did said that they forgot it happened entirely.

But last night I was reading on Reddit about people saying they did similar things, and the comments were along the lines of ""You better hope nobody finds out"", ""You're what's wrong with the world"", ""If anyone finds out you're going to be known for that forever by your classmates"", or ""You're going to have to move far away"". I haven't been able to sit still or think straight since I read that, couldn't sleep last night, feel like there's nothing I can do to fix it. The post made me think everybody in the school thought of me like that, the people that I still see every day, even though I really don't really have reason to believe that. I feel insane, I honestly can't take it anymore.",9.216538461538462,5.84229006680162,8.446643724696354,78.4976983805668,62.29959514170041,11.580404858299596,34.619028340080966,8.982922981607832,2.65656064777328,1919,49,409,21,20,603,213,494,0.068,0.8029999999999999,0.128,0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,1,69.0,2,4,4,2,27,23,0,0,20,0,42,3,1,6,3,84,76,35,0,7,15,0,3,5,3,1,1,6,0,1,38,26,1,2,25,5,1,6,15,5,0,0,31,13,53,18,60,38,4,66,0,0,4,0,35,31,0,11,32,268,91,13,0.12745900689230058,0.0,0.06219080227204956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564923595868078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04333824772117432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320254279016495,0.04456115059430955,0.0,0.10488790246114546,0.05673276950642439,0.0,0.0,0.05987596633462676,0.0,0.053211473394398176,0.038848913784907985,0.0,0.054229113532952095,0.07180132678732368,0.0,0.056363566874955334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088282278485883,0.0,0.0,0.04110025751249013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644542413450782,0.0,0.0,0.16837094391568208,0.0,0.053694855284326916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444710359939781,0.045528369995686664,0.0,0.0,0.11649522318495945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771176882388154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724378909108609,0.05345328386481957,0.0,0.07026200253429192,0.0,0.0,0.05635578942751345,0.06784124146372827,0.05708911733757016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26933487753358226,0.0,0.0632977766171854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507220527051232,0.10389610234426024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045014032989342485,0.1556750814111445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418054484130712,0.0,0.1809071912270284,0.0,0.06461171375330264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086828163578872,0.0677343764981194,0.0,0.0472546192917144,0.14745636557080935,0.0,0.0,0.1196116436585037,0.0,0.06115017735079398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650920803804289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061035247839545885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749349910972865,0.0,0.12248025538441212,0.06552454367645298,0.0,0.0,0.28877241632104805,0.0,0.06062135168673277,0.15204077716604564,0.0,0.3224882992165579,0.10156832631991124,0.11603389284923625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054354076263454,0.0,0.0637755281313711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045108070553139264,0.0,0.20357785509940493,0.05328071849924599,0.0,0.0,0.0729550342957289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479166553569422,0.2561168041966514,0.11140479000700937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701715089853066,0.12250587757118615,0.12522782712696026,0.1517823212448885,0.07432237191708206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043268149525461735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286593425890995,0.0,0.04639583752352017,0.0,0.0,0.04527161075936447,0.1393564151866188,0.0,0.08207942153095016
suicidewatch,MIlobran,2019/02/08,"Cant move past this Hi, I don't really know how to start this. I don't really reach out to people to begin with. But I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get out of the past. Ive struggled with some depressing spells in my years, but this is different. This has been consistent, anxiety inducing, intruding thought creating, hell. 

In a few days it will have been a year since I got a phone call from my ex telling me she was pregnant, but that the doctors said it didn't look like it was developing right. A few months prior when we were together a condom broke, she had an IUD so we figured we were still fine. Her IUD was out of place as we found out later (due to circumstances that are personal to her and not important to this). It was a very long distance relationship (she was from NH and going to school in TN) so all I could do was be on the phone. I was in the middle of a school too so I couldn't drop everything and fly there to help her through the miscarriage. To be there for emotional support and make the experience maybe a little less painful? Would it have mattered if I was there? What could I have done? I can't stop asking myself how I could've been better. And I can't stop blaming myself. I know it was an accident, but she went through so much more strife than I did and I can't live with myself.

I cry at my desk at work, in the car, when I get home, when I go to bed, I just breakdown at a moment's notice. I feel so guilty and like I have ruined someone's life. Its not fair what she had to go through and what I had to go through. I picked up the phone every night and listened and tried to comfort and console as best I could but what is a voice on the phone supposed to do when you're in the shower sobbing and in immense pain. We stopped talking for awhile after it was all said and done. I went to some rough spots and it almost caused me to fail my final semester of college. I didn't know what to do with myself and felt so guilty that I had a rope in my college apartment. I lived alone. I could've done it at any point. And there were some times where I really wanted to. Ive graduated and moved back to my home area where I share an apartment with an old friend. He doesn't know about any of it. She seems like she is doing fine all things considered. We haven't talked in awhile still.

I posted this on r/depression and I'm not reposting because nobody saw it there. I'm posting this here because I didn't know this place existed and with how I feel and what I want to do to get away from this is...well it feels fucked to say fitting and I apologise for that. But fitting here.",2.1329465066369906,3.704059374771487,3.2852686590891054,92.68854363723077,76.82449725776966,6.804053731817821,22.8602257372228,7.586124646067393,0.7406118273587161,2046,60,466,28,46,660,237,547,0.13699999999999998,0.762,0.101,-0.9706,2,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,6,0,0,4,28,21,2,1,25,0,62,6,0,7,3,87,100,43,0,8,11,1,5,3,1,2,4,5,4,1,34,37,0,3,15,0,0,9,17,10,0,0,36,12,67,11,71,56,12,75,1,5,2,2,37,35,3,6,31,327,101,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796220583423642,0.08235280631504162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814486425594982,0.0,0.06082820101066664,0.0,0.07885679244172315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433511137982715,0.0,0.0747062766948042,0.061141567618643415,0.0,0.09694232528250757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344532360629471,0.0703239125851306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119296270246752,0.0,0.0,0.08168306132477401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174283832626889,0.0,0.08734269490903702,0.05128012786960448,0.0,0.13697105320570108,0.0,0.0,0.08307549126946208,0.0,0.08138622746390782,0.0,0.2441121233554447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894428545108931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699420421109104,0.0,0.07146230123433203,0.07778021633843155,0.0,0.0,0.12061441631108175,0.0,0.07634617133940014,0.0871039991664567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718329591364456,0.06143252987999082,0.07350966387789104,0.12462877703784207,0.0,0.18075917443507766,0.0,0.06359482768214574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053296740932807306,0.0,0.15951859752380726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621937889404115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616328235701663,0.1165399717281369,0.07969419044060573,0.1404251192077101,0.07036762921209776,0.0667719629254419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307639449649941,0.0,0.07988277441816155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634675338955621,0.16902217641512055,0.05845213949789959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746187585277007,0.0,0.0,0.09052752653853877,0.08343685350670138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692175847499326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181074112739235,0.05512518494154908,0.06942879595346035,0.16615098253892416,0.0,0.07516668902936934,0.0,0.15230538703139546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281663760149836,0.0,0.0,0.08536857154349005,0.0,0.0679047544666038,0.15127256393365482,0.0632329411569542,0.0,0.16094537816704224,0.0,0.0723868075608599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577502809343454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737218526424173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056280611507438114,0.0,0.12700040185569145,0.1994324772876731,0.0,0.08312558227380873,0.0,0.0,0.09023185442556377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278211209724657,0.06949897911357092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282574963372673,0.0,0.0,0.06312545072998574,0.04636541187512083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398497174068957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560760242387363,0.09379915641889243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147421054910175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057887337569612236,0.0,0.0,0.05648465798292555,0.0,0.0,0.10240916934136453
suicidewatch,PsychicSteven99,2019/02/08,"Just lost my dream job. I was all set up and ready to become an officer, my dream job since I was 13, I'm 19 now. I finally got everything set up, uniform and everything,  and this morning they call me and told me I took too long to get my paperwork done and they have decided not to hire me. I am completely destroyed because I already quit my other job and I feel like they just fucked me over. I had even finished the HR appointment they said I took too long to do yesterday and this is the worst morning I've had in years. I'm not even sure what to do because getting a job takes weeks.",3.0179674796747946,4.0239597398374025,4.322113821138212,88.41699186991873,73.5528455284553,8.393495934959349,28.300813008130078,8.841846274778883,1.985676422764228,460,18,103,9,9,152,72,123,0.129,0.8,0.071,-0.8502,4,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,2,7,6,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,2,15,23,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,4,0,0,11,2,21,2,9,12,2,16,0,1,0,1,7,4,1,0,9,66,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920870812820573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589481432230605,0.15933805848921528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731873881929058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512673673752773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764124437322398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058175011848946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593263194384229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294870188642359,0.1030685726649528,0.0,0.1580438855315839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337795066310293,0.15075324792278233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538819988495255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5726742778380312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704844405458272,0.0,0.0,0.255353913545876,0.0,0.0,0.15749088876171954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345196434687325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723654486122885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934401531862933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597547984473424,0.0,0.10847524905869436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785891733271907,0.3205849512525805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572700009520255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290700307480268
suicidewatch,Zelos98,2019/02/08,"Any smart ways to get past the “if you die you go to hell” rule? I believe in God and everything, so I feel like my only way to bypass the whole Hell thing is by being killed. Of course it’s hard for that to be done lol, so does anyone have an idea?",3.9219393939393896,2.7906505272727244,4.861818181818184,92.85939393939395,71.0,8.06060606060606,21.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.10051515151515122,189,2,49,1,3,62,47,55,0.266,0.591,0.14300000000000002,-0.8997,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,8,4,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,8,5,1,5,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732227144794698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204371029821308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772138174188687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553608004238139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153197995271259,0.25179432698190435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211336552631163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441014957353486,0.17577799480985634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855084215186047,0.0,0.13983574652214176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204122522289597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27776022518217586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27221759964843395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020748230127548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713192682247326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348823331592841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634645247459251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906056871907149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747057655687408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xcer49,2019/02/08,"Won’t be excused from class w/o a note; student health center won’t give one for being suicidal Makes me want to do it more. I’m going to lose a bunch of points in this class if I don’t go. Might as well make use out of that. I’ve been trying literally so hard to get good grades, so hard that it’s taken a toll on me. And when I need a day for mental health it’s too much to ask. Do I want to live in this shit world?

(I feel like it’s a shit world for more substantial reasons for that though)",0.9882882882882916,2.088361882882886,2.720900900900901,97.52207207207209,78.81981981981983,6.014414414414415,17.738738738738736,6.42735559955562,-0.5052990990990991,383,6,99,3,9,127,71,111,0.17,0.7240000000000001,0.106,-0.8817,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,5,0,9,4,2,4,0,12,23,7,1,4,1,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,2,3,6,3,17,16,4,12,0,1,0,0,3,8,2,2,3,59,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641108065724632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132119531350248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876078781460002,0.12540932836489815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171497713605098,0.16839868636867594,0.19953245082486984,0.14723875309000434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31450754169006384,0.0,0.0,0.3731920894839189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576238246514027,0.0,0.15500938350961807,0.0,0.0,0.1963898666516301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343551990195194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690799419807182,0.18622542261160574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904571716952667,0.1301643363923265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895378324593163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659466937630626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804894182387579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36038868247917777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201765412459235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247199596730042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918347992898105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161445110094485,0.0,0.0,0.20708188808739053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783596824998794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PotentialPanda3,2019/02/08,"I don't feel happiness in my life I do not want to reveal my age but I will tell you my story.
I am still studying so every day I come to school. I actually like coming to school, my friends doesn't even know this. We joke around and play around and laugh every day I come to school. When I come home I feel droopy. I feel overwhelmed by how much homework I have and feel like my life is bleak there is nothing to look forward. Even my hobbies just make me 'transport' myself to another world for just a moment. Every night I feel like screaming my lungs out to vent frustration and stress. I do not want my parents to know too as it will add pressure on them. I seem fine in front of their faces. I have yet to find joy. What should I do?",1.7044817927170897,3.5509120392156888,2.5544957983193264,96.21308823529414,78.93464052287581,5.417180205415501,20.73249299719888,6.18269132825596,-0.07009579831932823,574,15,131,4,14,180,92,153,0.121,0.682,0.196,0.9407,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,2,0,13,15,1,3,1,0,13,4,2,2,0,33,29,9,0,3,5,1,5,3,1,3,2,1,2,0,3,13,0,0,10,2,0,7,4,5,0,0,0,7,30,10,19,26,1,22,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,1,12,85,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.12282329084526472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197742580309396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240879742655002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336763491276493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234133337561418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662615102148452,0.0,0.31813283893486305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31819839350590184,0.1798318730551008,0.0,0.0,0.11503571393676085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724077559551426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339825862858856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624998657410014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383410789186054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177800300494054,0.18446964923732406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569249672102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401395444295608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252315330487898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811309036731295,0.0,0.12076811592076228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975500945660327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821376093101622,0.0,0.11458016337357295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051366598050372,0.0,0.14417465382224656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000905620039056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484734999225368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jenesuispasvraie,2019/02/08,"I just need to talk I want to die. I've been suicidal for most of my life (pretty much as far as I can remember). My parents put me through therapy when I was maybe 8 or 9 because I threatened them with suicide. It's always been for different reasons, it used to be because I didn't feel loved by my family, then because I thought I was the worst person ever, now I think it mostly has to do with the fact that my ex-boyfriend abused (mostly mentally, even though towards the end it started to get physical) me while we were together and sexually abused me after I broke up with him. I really want to talk to someone about what happened, and I've told a few friends while being drunk, but I think I need to talk to someone that's completely foreign to the situation. I don't want to go see another therapist yet, I've been to three different ones in the past and it only made my parents lose a lot of money for pretty much zero improvement. Plus I'm not sure I could open up to them like I could open up to a stranger. I don't think anyone would be interesting, but even just writing it here made me calm down a bit. I don't think I'm going to kill myself just yet so I feel kind of guilty posting this here when there are people who need the help more than I do, but I didn't know where else to go. There's a thousand other things that I want to ramble about but I don't want to make this too long, I still hope somebody will want to read it. ",6.2913686534216335,4.769335509933776,6.914317880794702,81.34999779249452,66.41721854304636,10.304988962472407,32.71611479028697,9.21078282632365,2.5163926710816766,1132,38,249,17,15,375,161,302,0.129,0.753,0.118,-0.6763,4,0,0,0,2,3,25.0,1,0,2,1,22,12,1,0,11,0,24,3,0,5,3,54,57,18,4,13,9,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,16,10,1,0,10,2,1,4,7,4,0,4,12,3,38,8,43,38,10,30,0,2,1,1,16,10,0,6,16,177,54,1,0.0,0.22111892211399164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764305875114666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978457676232719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524591974541155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170646386630569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187253598754116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783585626506024,0.0,0.0,0.14900407765794305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684312353933967,0.19498235830950816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795020214710596,0.0,0.0826467351932809,0.0,0.0,0.12326339140336998,0.08440604586785865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796624868515877,0.0,0.0943627014381334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720926194349395,0.0,0.04875166848998415,0.0,0.1590940792774475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251549309515373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254506641184111,0.0,0.0,0.0926798702041427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032359022550955,0.097170088365444,0.051281834670794335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659090248943213,0.04558752964250888,0.0,0.0,0.0825781833051127,0.0,0.10439225928814,0.0,0.07933052520708525,0.08421772279952454,0.17658814045784252,0.06228648432499523,0.0,0.09374444560212376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403654839905452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371901126719706,0.20756899609550666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323062587512289,0.07096798050971892,0.0,0.0,0.2072238656917098,0.0,0.08907686210883141,0.06469079145910551,0.08147643885538826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936710181556339,0.18986369976313172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938043325639674,0.0,0.0,0.0933372511709484,0.0,0.05977805634600882,0.09594027669955424,0.0,0.0,0.10570430548071222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435758255074046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048865971908779,0.0,0.0,0.1581259089359822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604671360430091,0.0,0.07451908343147104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413636486481565,0.0,0.08794545533841469,0.0,0.0,0.22500195209322002,0.0,0.0,0.10671040378532093,0.10834242357898534,0.061992346272395187,0.23916224632887675,0.09167856585441607,0.07407930464569963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916361443350597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059160770873451,0.0,0.0,0.330227010033723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628616727702273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lajap,2019/02/08,burning a coal briquette Does burning a coal briquette in the stove will turn the fire alarm in my apartment? ,9.5295,8.88516895,6.960000000000001,80.78500000000003,59.5,8.0,45.0,3.1291,3.2590000000000003,89,5,15,0,1,25,14,20,0.231,0.769,0.0,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6268487912328726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7791409326494703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dead_man_89,2019/02/08,I tied a belt around my neck and tightened it until I was on the verge of blacking out. My mind is a mess. I couldn't sleep least night. I wish so bad I could just die. But I can't go through with it because of my family. They've been through enough. I've been trying so hard to be a good person. But things just seem so fucking bleak. I feel like I'm in a whirlpool and I'm gasping for air and drowning. I want to tell my family and friends so badly but I can't burden them. I did it three times and I couldn't stop crying. I don't remember falling asleep. I wish I never existed. I can't bring myself to go out to work again. I wish I was never born. I feel overwhelmed and numb at the same time. I wish I didn't feel anything.,-0.8272499999999994,1.2272607750000049,1.2475000000000025,100.3675,91.25,4.2,17.375,5.6839178017228535,-0.6580875000000002,564,15,138,4,20,186,89,160,0.101,0.701,0.198,0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,1,1,6,0,15,5,3,0,2,33,30,14,2,8,5,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,5,0,0,4,9,7,0,1,6,5,26,3,17,20,3,21,0,1,1,1,4,8,1,1,10,90,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262258927144715,0.12183276142299808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285416629375657,0.08342745270285716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927008962914114,0.0,0.15033224192278802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203714361968042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141104451403658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25803535122662385,0.0,0.2075987651988208,0.09777148353447394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057362605248873,0.12652314638634485,0.0,0.0,0.15555927126611907,0.11479011578380464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259801298172325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686197489767194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818770890491186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110687131013947,0.0,0.0,0.12843209464336966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194992501725931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550335952627914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459051186353495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695697867482345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144195342804388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962004781703993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092246789454593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960616562425742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929176943803748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072247764740878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6295204336437067,0.0,0.0,0.09963435688404257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,letsgetlostplz,2019/02/08,I’m not depressed but I still want to kill my self Has anyone else had this experience? I am not depressed anymore I haven’t been for a long time either. I would say I was my most depressed in 2010-2013 and I am doing pretty great now. I have everything I could ever want in life but I also just really want to kill myself. I think about it daily almost all the time and it’s like a nagging that’s always present. I don’t really know what to do about it but as time goes on I can see myself doing it and I don’t really know what to do? Has anyone else experienced anything like this? And how did you get over it? ,0.19468193384224008,2.3558317251908387,2.588519083969466,92.0592162849873,86.70992366412214,5.325394402035624,16.366921119592874,6.742157984588678,-0.18440498727735435,480,10,106,6,15,164,75,131,0.116,0.67,0.214,0.8769,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,8,9,3,0,3,0,19,1,0,1,2,24,28,10,2,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,3,18,3,12,22,3,12,0,3,1,0,3,4,0,2,10,80,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529734647200296,0.0,0.0,0.11603694156830505,0.12073536892696952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439008602843369,0.20291550379770093,0.2973455369815224,0.11940547588163784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585106625767035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749249452084618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24242595707948456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312518498296813,0.0,0.0,0.13040711278129305,0.14193628345299153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580910355179205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997398464731108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210647531346373,0.0,0.15948705081479733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248888392892146,0.1417777016616101,0.0,0.0,0.12840951383196833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476195310015562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886558577521103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538986495702475,0.0,0.0,0.11562643597742928,0.0,0.15137162868753862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587757070512635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929746409671594,0.0,0.0,0.2538280768089166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567523776585038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307534233802916,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nevsleeping2,2019/02/08,"Back Again, Wasting Time Now with intense self-destructive impulses and a plan. I recently started self harming. Hitting, cutting, stabbing myself with random shit in class. I can't stand myself for wasting this much time breaking myself when I have this much work to do.

It's so joyless. I texted the lifeline yesterday after testing short drop hanging, it only took about five seconds to see black splotches in my peripherals and it's even more infuriating knowing I probably won't go through with it any time soon. I waited an hour for an operator who essentially told me to stop causing myself problems ""out of nowhere."" I desperately want to, but I can't, and it's why I want to hurt myself.

My parents see this dark cloud hanging over me and my mom probably suspects something about self harm. My friends keep telling me to relax, but genuinely, I can't do that anymore without feeling the need to physically punish myself. I just feel so incessantly inferior, I'm so fucking fed up with myself.",5.824566744730678,7.800606573770494,6.337365339578457,72.90848360655738,67.96174863387978,8.507259953161592,37.6615925058548,9.04235418022936,3.7808707259953165,805,45,129,15,14,261,117,183,0.225,0.715,0.06,-0.9822,1,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,4,0,5,0,7,3,1,1,0,26,25,10,0,4,4,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,10,9,1,3,4,1,0,4,5,9,0,2,3,5,25,2,24,20,3,27,0,2,3,1,8,6,2,1,14,92,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941948014033944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498887883452008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241704188974484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018535644856038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096562231948852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784394555186955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295201536190445,0.13515745973353396,0.0,0.0,0.0830875477840532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397532983028197,0.0,0.15650771008054246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994727340593334,0.0,0.0,0.08034645741717829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122503234707265,0.0,0.0,0.2149443290517445,0.10840377567726453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118997322563903,0.0,0.0,0.16233529482228387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31525179300220146,0.1398914978181844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435263605929433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233001349441184,0.0,0.4575483986835561,0.0,0.15006988463546928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255016690984053,0.0,0.0,0.10347951660112348,0.0,0.0,0.12222786137499307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778327332128278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557472429318969,0.0,0.0,0.13969821080374434,0.1624310743442996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724624360653466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192072553132367,0.0,0.0,0.1409294093933773,0.0,0.10643369978732133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bawlsz,2019/02/08,"Girlfriend of 3 years left me, because she found someone better. I just want to die right now. Girlfriend of 3 years left me, because she found someone better. My head has been blanked for a week now and I don’t know what to do. ",1.3956521739130423,3.735654217391304,1.8501739130434809,98.18395652173916,82.91304347826087,3.68,24.417391304347824,3.1291,-0.06436869565217318,178,7,38,0,5,54,31,46,0.083,0.7659999999999999,0.151,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,5,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25516495216163937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702035769889262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172120793737865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589558062749149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479399876965125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502142367827566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547927958666518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873424610483654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35466490781766546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344585912644468,0.0,0.16788143844305264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26955440484588483
suicidewatch,WhyAreUsernamesTaken,2019/02/08,"Where did it all go wrong. Tonight I made the single worst decision I have ever made in my entire life. I broke my best friends trust in a truly horrid way and have alienated the only friends I have. 

Im sick of studying for my degree that gives me nothing but frustration. I’m sick of every relationship I try to make work with someone being thrown back in my face. I’m sick of waking up every day and wishing I could go back to sleep because life doesn’t make me happy anymore, and I always feel like I’m a burden to other people. I don’t want it to be this way and I’ve tried changing but I just can manage it, every time it all falls apart. I’ve had suicidal thoughts before in dark patches of my life and gotten through them, but this one there’s no coming back from. My back feels like it’s on fire and my stomach aches as I write this thinking about what I’ve done, and wish I had a magic button to go back and undo it all, but the reality is that it’s not possible so I’m stuck here. I don’t even know how I’d kill myself but all I know is I feel like that’s what I want to do

I honestly don’t know what to do at this point, the last things in my life I had going for me I’ve just thrown away with a stupid decision",3.392025652366212,3.5287944962406,4.796563467492263,88.54270897832819,72.08270676691728,7.612206988058381,24.66961521450685,7.285733465282438,0.8493085360459967,960,24,221,9,17,322,136,266,0.18,0.677,0.14300000000000002,-0.9396,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,15,16,3,0,8,0,20,11,4,5,5,46,48,16,2,6,8,0,4,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,19,11,0,0,10,0,0,6,6,7,0,1,10,4,30,9,28,35,7,30,0,1,0,0,6,12,0,0,13,142,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666655996934408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329527004647984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785846959296153,0.4004496342468068,0.0,0.06349284163688647,0.0,0.08862951836233994,0.0,0.1093058311038724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018377672294401,0.08972161055716225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316049779419726,0.0,0.0,0.06717233217700813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658827190760664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879439240875558,0.09421552619955154,0.2632690552553667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799398274484885,0.2232282942678846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609421222219175,0.0,0.0,0.099916415057669,0.23677817926019226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087654147951044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250690394601907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523374603848205,0.0,0.17172508159728114,0.08490145708264991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942752926224885,0.15265682863988395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711081597024974,0.13905055817889414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994098028320662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057914664167665,0.07921571918568912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722090093774429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984615681334808,0.11742081501219265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182511205466356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423173039980876,0.0,0.08825147276481396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393031645098067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919695697559745,0.06673928583332159,0.0,0.08268863439732813,0.06073449847704983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414308663017757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286841618091275,0.16534917880788294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954969201136295,0.0,0.0,0.07582717964268966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387879271885215,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HolliDaze7297,2019/02/08,"How do I make family member understand I'm actually depressed without hurting myself? I don't want to hurt myself.... But I live with a family member who makes me want to. I'm 20, been depressed since I was 18. I was always a messy teen, forgetting to clean my room, but things have gotten so much worse since I ran out of bipolar meds two years ago. This family member insults me and berates me for having a messy room, not having a job (I quit it because of constant anxiety attacks), etc. Every time she attacks me for it, I go from depressed to so badly depressed I sob, constantly, for several hours afterwards. It's gotten to the point where I've considered cutting myself ( the short way) to ""prove"" to her that I'm not just a lazy teen. I've told her I'm depressed. She knows I have bipolar disorder. But she just keeps coming at me. I asked to be taken to the hospital once after a bad altercation with her, (which led me to full on suicidal) I got a $1000 med bill and shit all to show for it. I begged them to commit me so I'd be free for a night, no dice. 

She's told me to prepare myself because she has something to say to my brother and I, and cutting myself has immediately became a viable option. The depression has been so bad lately I dread what I'll do it she yells at me tonight. I keep thinking that maybe, *maybe* if I do it she'll stop. She'll understand. Maybe I'd get some peace, time to recoup my losses and feel better. Hell, maybe I'd get lucky and be committed for a few days. 

I wasn't near this bad last time I wanted to kill myself. ",2.4019842099152453,4.0715551034482775,4.2209125740160225,85.84421688145831,76.33542319749216,7.108371066991758,24.040520143968426,7.921354282810032,1.2759229304539654,1214,39,250,19,27,411,162,319,0.281,0.636,0.083,-0.9975,1,0,1,0,0,6,48.0,0,0,1,3,8,26,8,1,14,0,21,3,1,4,4,42,49,15,2,4,9,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,3,0,14,10,0,3,6,1,2,4,6,23,0,1,12,3,49,4,35,32,6,32,1,10,0,0,19,11,3,4,16,159,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.08332036462727434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568585429783681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104453516653979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531687802758954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982049974340086,0.1942683505228328,0.0,0.0,0.285161098014544,0.10409596093558812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551330377073573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354889958343347,0.0,0.1845348848336991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055064226816617504,0.0,0.4412355499702392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785499196005328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522332728813517,0.0,0.0,0.07193788723496726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414712151492505,0.0,0.04317162646964985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921698042744915,0.0,0.04852447036397383,0.0,0.06828766154323533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408391885208275,0.0,0.1828060628115992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847283069207061,0.15178261449366404,0.09446236155789367,0.0,0.0469236293015069,0.0695975997608809,0.09631444057815716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753937337526333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398608960551546,0.0,0.3431101592014237,0.0,0.189679964551583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276548052714002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012507797936219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909288787848073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807134417506138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081410243778673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789907043527835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645718232147504,0.08764323732895664,0.14125748964651336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657311159654307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138304589705419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933938808290046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056723904179527815,0.054709238961974826,0.0,0.0,0.14936052201914507,0.0,0.0,0.16317202446905038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340565648457134,0.17777102441958242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108127374577215,0.06777213467761009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230505210353284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701139483369577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498310908129354
suicidewatch,D41319,2019/02/08,"I have no one to turn to. There are no online helplines open this late, i have trouble making phone calls and I don’t want to call my areas triage number because they’re fucking useless. Everyone’s asleep, and I’m wide awake, alone with my thoughts. I wish I was dead. ",3.81111111111111,5.091405111111111,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,71.96296296296295,6.140740740740743,26.462962962962962,5.985473137389443,0.6968296296296295,212,7,45,1,4,64,43,54,0.285,0.623,0.092,-0.9041,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,8,12,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,7,0,4,10,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286770934587214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687874552566688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5654641981966962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26457693969751434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25597713004231243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31234005975920603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482390504160326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876254747576933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198169717838836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117302849137995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331484592544485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184058381994592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,much_problems,2019/02/08,"Dying and going to a fun world This may seem silly but I wish I could die and go live in a cartoon world, like adventure time, totoro, laputa, princess mononoke ect. These are all magical world's, all these have in common is they were things from my childhood. I wish I could live there having fun and always being happy, something that I havent felt in a long time. I hope my wish is granted and I go live happily ever after.",2.390029411764708,4.518866517647061,3.5466911764705884,88.55886029411766,77.94117647058823,6.132352941176473,21.213235294117645,7.1686216300943375,0.6463235294117649,334,9,66,4,8,108,57,85,0.05,0.565,0.384,0.9877,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,3,17,20,5,2,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,10,7,6,14,2,16,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,8,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591231407681564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608280679188659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390431349399719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775076098872894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683241806214904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784903740052477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387891401994862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223389225502302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979987839759475,0.0,0.4326977492578951,0.14455113136680206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869898341202534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257474351372876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851611686161264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049022449328795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635002645051778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThatLegoBoi,2019/02/08,"By the time you are reading this, i'm aready dead First things first. Sorry for my grammar. I'm not american. 
Second. I don't really think people want to die. I belive that everybody wants to live a happy life. But that's not always the case. Sometimes we just can't take it anymore.
Sorry mom, for making you hate me. Sorry dad for doing this. Sorry sister, that i was never a brother you could have looked up to.
It's all my fault. All my fault.

I'm gonna do it right 

now.http://imgur.com/SaY7qq6

If can say my last words to anybody, is that...
...I'm sorry!



",0.11536764705882165,2.4926921964285707,1.6240546218487388,95.15329831932777,95.78571428571428,3.7067226890756304,14.623949579831931,5.5289334501034215,-0.7821970588235296,434,9,88,3,17,139,74,112,0.209,0.746,0.046,-0.9416,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,1,3,0,2,1,4,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,3,15,22,2,2,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,1,2,12,1,9,19,2,7,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,5,56,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521100963171635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731654234857474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105501927817904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437011140251038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355504595197651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473947770956387,0.0,0.13670200580884848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286455344663385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779940955513346,0.0,0.0,0.12226398786597553,0.0,0.1162727368289157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924240860795144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621643645665943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067899980685683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599172827240383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384989091957335,0.0,0.08870194369234059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824531284700596,0.0,0.11011009417636032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369419041784095,0.7749812279330899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410577081318792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198762797809196,0.08872049964457449,0.0,0.0,0.08073797888703492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333628893381824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthataway723,2019/02/08,"Question for survivors/family I’ve finally found a good method to commit suicide, but am really worried about burdening people.

So the question is this: Should I do it while on vacation when I’m out of town (thus husband isn’t the one to find the body), or should I do it in town, whether at home or at a hotel?

Being away means husband doesn’t have to see the body physically (can ID via picture if needed presumably), but it also means that now he’s stuck trying to arrange an international corpse transfer OR having to travel to arrange cremation or whatever else might work.


I just don’t want my last act (that will for sure hurt my family) to also cause hassle on top of the emotional wear.",7.471523809523809,6.7070981629629625,8.014391534391539,71.95333333333336,63.66666666666667,11.26984126984127,34.84126984126984,10.608840637214634,3.6406825396825404,552,21,101,12,7,184,94,135,0.15,0.77,0.079,-0.9347,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,8,0,15,3,3,2,2,26,23,13,2,5,9,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,2,0,1,2,1,5,2,19,16,0,17,0,1,1,0,5,10,0,8,5,69,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541987529485246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932362386186884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530794511480712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326888803434145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276887329816944,0.17877923723436426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996574583387073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410431069309504,0.1452626984870505,0.0,0.0,0.1742628097934976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330620852787906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594236529343357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014201915486546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295523350760236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462512041716166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860374391163208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784746750335275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769771885305916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018474947099496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560846668372672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181712132107336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266497351450931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384788246692087,0.0,0.14979331285043124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790568036649327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374332767831163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157057666911004,0.1614050827487998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,12bWindEngineer,2019/02/08,"I just want to be with my twin brother again I know that won’t happen. I’m not religious. I don’t believe that I’ll be reunited with him one day, but living without him is torture. I lost him 9 months ago, my identical twin brother. To cancer. We weren’t even 30 yet. I watched him die, his head on my shoulder, after two years of fighting and undergoing brutal treatments. All for nothing. My best friend, my support in life. He never pushed me to talk about the awful things I did in Iraq and Afghanistan and didn’t judge me when I did.  No matter what stupid, hare-brained idea I had, he was all in. Always on board. Always supportive. Backpacking, snowboarding, road trips, traveling, we did all of it together. I never thought there’d be a day I didn’t have him in my life. And I definitely never expected to have to live 30, 40, 50 years without him. I don’t want to do that. I can’t do that. I’ve been going to therapy. I take medications, I try different ones when they don’t work, I exercise, I don’t drink, I go to work, everything I’m ‘supposed’ to do, but it never gets better. I’m a sock without its mate. Useless. I liked being a ‘we,’ I was never meant to be an ‘I.’ Our birthday is torture, or rather my birthday is torture. I just want to be with him again, and barring that, I just want to stop feeling this pain. ",1.2370952380952358,3.4089876037037072,3.1173809523809517,89.88750000000003,82.22222222222223,6.227513227513228,24.45767195767195,7.447530270364453,1.1773227513227509,1023,40,217,16,28,342,144,270,0.182,0.6890000000000001,0.129,-0.9732,2,0,1,0,2,0,49.0,3,0,1,5,12,15,6,0,5,1,30,10,2,0,8,41,49,10,1,6,11,2,1,1,2,1,6,0,0,0,11,10,2,1,5,4,0,5,19,9,0,3,13,2,43,6,29,29,4,30,0,2,1,0,20,7,0,1,19,150,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212534907616408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172533681882634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980048303734712,0.1209041716439682,0.10189252111938192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861074379920914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485998523086463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195681930736204,0.12036832049737944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286043110765508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609410169551349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035419357383482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058252859326247526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900977090312734,0.0,0.060191665630277176,0.0,0.1309512463228797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018784612617174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182371182578166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130056328839959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331555700592623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275028573726225,0.05628503446432785,0.0,0.20346236292303072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576364419048788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606040354950163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195829412961326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44427933610742587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054562517295732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613646909543086,0.0,0.12258992492085108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963194317879934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26147439170333464,0.0,0.0,0.08662242453106367,0.09260019664309643,0.0,0.0,0.13175091525816188,0.0,0.07653938201583765,0.0,0.0,0.0914626488378232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821898229224121,0.0,0.11254192560071194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718117401338402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33317053449889106,0.0,0.16774626294338607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838094278815311
suicidewatch,Fearlessassassin,2019/02/08,Does hanging take very long? I'm curious I've tried it before but squirmed too much and the rope broke,2.4357142857142877,4.620770904761908,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,78.04761904761905,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.8520285714285718,83,3,18,1,2,25,20,21,0.165,0.7559999999999999,0.079,-0.4438,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002191790681955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115920279874572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416230359725998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457492503638615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35363226911308704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193255827860395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880744067039613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iFeelTheNeed2beAnon,2019/02/08,"What if we just should What if literally no one cares and it’s all an illusion when they say what about your family or you one friend? And you think they would actually be upset and picture how you made them so sad. But if you were actually gone they would be like oh wow so sad but it doesn’t actually really matter to anyone. What if we’re just not that special, they just want to make us think that maybe we could be. So keep clinging to the hope one day you won’t have to stuff pills to trick yourself into being happy, everyone would be so sad without you, one day you’ll find your passion, you’re just going through a hard time, it’ll be okay it’ll be okay... when none of this will ever pan out. Maybe life is just shit and then you die so might as well choose when and how ... that’s the reality stop trying to cling to some little faith that one day there will be a light at the end of the tunnel",1.212414369256475,3.2820321851851872,2.586828181565025,94.2336591478697,81.64550264550266,5.883709273182957,17.35477582846004,7.0608816371341465,-0.14978941798941792,709,14,163,9,19,229,109,189,0.14800000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.2191,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,10,5,0,19,18,2,1,7,2,24,4,1,4,2,45,34,24,1,11,14,0,1,1,1,11,2,1,0,0,14,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,6,1,5,3,3,18,12,16,11,3,17,1,3,0,1,20,4,1,8,12,117,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.3818586879670018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120353213329616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298768204956365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414213055540587,0.0,0.0,0.252360314314179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537145256091027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552713485110318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179863744214456,0.0,0.12463670687512968,0.0,0.0,0.12296297791352095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921568102958433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077414126222653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412949871407233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885101177324566,0.11684458498303438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955187930916845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159370626977532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213044882007636,0.06372419518111776,0.13073063442005822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234212208629221,0.08706670695686303,0.0,0.2620799764997596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837144954562913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419323416170983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356031923670779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372754234646067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389016304848894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904991583299987,0.0,0.0,0.1493174374075951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715559917952552,0.0,0.0,0.07605798711386944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855714031086179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689784254159833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693423547508764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727717628939688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573516430588902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779729036313329,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galaxikk,2019/02/08,"Feeling so incredibly low, don’t see a way out of this One of the most important things for me, regardless of how stupid it may seem to other people, is to be considered a socially normal person. Even as a little kid I was obsessed with this idea of being considered normal. 

Present day me is fucked up, weird, socially awkward, depressed and full of anxiety. I briefly thought I had conquered this but I think what I’ve really done is just tricked myself into believing that, when in reality i am actually insanely weird and awkward and it’s so incredibly obvious to everyone but me. I see no point in living if this is how I am, I can’t stand being thought of that way, it’s the one thing I wouldn’t wish on anyone, because it truly feels like you’re a threat to society if you’re not a socially well adjusted person.

I wanna kill myself and that’s the first time I’ve ever been so set on this. It’s kind of pathetic that i’m posting because I guess i’m looking for some validating, when in reality if anyone who comments met me in real life they would agree and it would just confirm my need to kill myself.  Fuckkkkkkkk everything 

If someone could just straight up tell me how I am considered by most people I think I get some semblance of peace, but people lie, people stretch the truth so they don’t hurt you, people are uncomfortable with telling you how you really are, especially if you’re weird and awkward, because they don’t want to hurt you, even a therapist knows the jeopardy they put you in by telling their clients that so they don’t, I literally can’t trust anyone because if I’m so weird, obviously everyone is aware of this and no one can tell me because they’re all aware of how it would affect me ",7.6167829255596065,6.529731879056048,8.094433454797848,72.54691827173346,63.54277286135694,11.634287697379838,37.34530626409856,10.843485225782073,3.9586927294811733,1373,59,262,31,17,457,158,339,0.197,0.706,0.097,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,5,6,2,20,23,6,4,11,0,30,2,0,6,5,64,51,30,2,18,13,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,3,23,11,0,0,10,0,0,1,10,18,1,4,7,5,37,5,35,35,6,30,0,4,3,1,24,17,1,13,8,185,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.08964727731746071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027670011099932,0.0,0.0,0.1927030531350088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28000115936139003,0.0,0.0,0.1035007303187294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334696383133052,0.0,0.0,0.059245516192628175,0.0,0.07912344496541024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401009291453236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121352323414193,0.08309741975823612,0.0,0.1755624545507581,0.08256260467420996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928997079569582,0.0656285859275629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814057397869738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492798599618312,0.04799582563989338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101199980698067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966873990709836,0.10370473747494073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327067843557411,0.09566356933115087,0.050486764280876915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648871754527363,0.04488074340521999,0.09207316062497406,0.08111873955372316,0.0,0.07714371190282583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811695307682576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001697076228892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867509064983418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31843914716640115,0.1604264663830348,0.0,0.0,0.08684239835282019,0.0,0.08798155980166279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234999599924903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045628188954296,0.11770252212246672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640949438858794,0.08363071539885111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809353016766433,0.07783716731664549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211772718597125,0.0,0.0,0.10666268935121208,0.12206244154737203,0.11772714483407146,0.0,0.14586156738532988,0.05356739294820588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054184531819043,0.14583679221805054,0.0,0.0,0.08259793382047775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564055688583082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957754119298548,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fun_D530,2019/02/08,Homicide? Does anyone else think of killing someone when you get think about killing yourself too much like it's something my brain does to keep me alive... Or so I think that's why I think of it. I never wanna kill anyone specific either it's always just a human I want dead. I kinda feel better after I'm done thinking about it untill I get too sad again.   (Too sad for me is where I only think of suicide and how I can easily do it rn),2.7713186813186823,4.021152945054952,4.1327472527472535,88.58725274725279,74.49450549450547,6.079120879120879,22.89010989010989,6.18269132825596,0.4553032967032964,342,9,71,2,7,113,62,91,0.23,0.648,0.122,-0.9353,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,11,7,3,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,1,17,16,6,5,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,12,2,10,15,2,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531210574042015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106074574025519,0.1543085332112125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319435597326018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812053527959206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26358391962269945,0.15411712204452627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580782018458292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614839633293323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736562508232144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386109848140368,0.4998531165958406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357604693699993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070907162989788,0.0,0.11615278411989327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453885538334276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760374809804365,0.11594001614603072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473306275447952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789942819705953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888283783622352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589398814796858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thebeemovie00,2019/02/08,I really can't do it anymore I've just had too many bad days in a row. So many shitty things keep happening no matter how hard I try to be happy and change my mindset. It feels like God or whatever greater power is just telling me to stop. ,2.3073529411764717,3.5533698823529463,3.958970588235297,89.38786764705885,75.66666666666667,7.452941176470588,24.514705882352942,8.07648339933343,1.227976470588235,188,6,42,3,4,63,45,51,0.21600000000000005,0.589,0.195,-0.3134,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,8,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,2,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594125339888299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184045536957107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27671211577545435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869450940141012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226039424130576,0.18686953574279228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313102842850671,0.2784519036755024,0.2343202019718306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250025622755924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277925398725148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303928497229193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167571915148819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868876770549397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286284506792733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377908925818725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759254317777615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeaway1313139,2019/02/08,"I just got my meds refilled... I’m in so much pain, every kind except physical. I just want to sleep. I have ambien, kpins, and Percocet. I finally have a big enough supply to get the job done. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. ",-1.8571808510638304,-0.06980344680851047,1.5140159574468086,94.67187500000004,104.74468085106385,5.754255319148936,14.38563829787234,7.1686216300943375,0.14453404255319136,166,4,39,4,8,59,33,47,0.222,0.6829999999999999,0.094,-0.8106,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,0,5,9,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,4,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515771631955775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540159022074754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712873593865586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693030159101891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843997155381395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196618743742892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24395583169389845,0.0,0.0,0.256001974334546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730700942198467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807188832180435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615884824708712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24601508758562374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651081914191278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500135444508355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lutetiumluni,2019/02/08,I wish I was never born I do nothing but eat up my parents salary and annoy everyone,0.6016666666666666,2.797832500000002,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,85.1111111111111,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.5048,67,3,13,1,2,24,16,18,0.206,0.695,0.099,-0.4588,2,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41666587451262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890957586099302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140567006053312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907180852968815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521459102778304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682583497325605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spaceyhead,2019/02/08,"I'm fucking pissed at myself I bought a car last year and asked someone to co-sign with me. It won't be paid off for the next 4 years. There is absolutely no point to my life at all and I would kill myself right now if it wouldn't completely fuck over my co-signer. 

I'm going nowhere doing nothing. I love someone that doesn't love me back, smoke too much, drink too much, work too much. I hate my job but gotta make that money. Afraid to start over somewhere else bc I don't make friends easily so things would get worse.  And I love my friends but I don't feel like I matter to them the way they do to me

So I guess the plan is to wait until my car is paid off or make bigger payments and get it over with sooner. I don't want to live another 4 years of this",0.5546084337349413,2.3165171566265097,2.033358433734943,98.96341114457834,82.25301204819277,5.113855421686747,17.60391566265061,5.985473137389443,-0.6124686746987953,592,12,146,4,16,191,98,166,0.171,0.772,0.057,-0.9498,1,0,2,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,2,2,8,12,5,1,4,0,14,8,1,3,1,22,38,11,1,5,4,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,1,1,4,3,7,6,0,0,3,1,22,6,19,29,4,23,0,0,0,5,8,10,3,3,10,87,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455832871224138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297943769004137,0.0,0.0,0.10675751370340904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556854015743667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600795278191996,0.0,0.0,0.11598096612748356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020044193432742,0.0991855805999834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453110889811108,0.2567061740295977,0.14507378957464534,0.0,0.07890458485679022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529452250170954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370733468641618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777485530600495,0.0,0.153603189636282,0.0,0.0,0.11317114179650008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806507453743084,0.06782901885649277,0.0,0.1225961090957434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759189554215195,0.0,0.27802544815974584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061847443475337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765532013022542,0.0,0.0,0.13321838328288652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124637045854712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856651763839625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352732280741441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826993955597366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922375056784742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188999004095453,0.11020279276588428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107539722218953,0.0,0.14148733485734805,0.1972524383495139,0.0,0.0,0.2682205100016546
suicidewatch,NoKenjataimu,2019/02/08,"I just began writing my bucket list! I am an aspiring writer. My writing is my only purpose in life and the only thing I can ever do properly. I write fiction. And today, I came home and took out a sheet of paper and began writing all of my planned pieces out as a list. These are all of my novels and screenplays that I have in my head, which I am planning on writing. It will take me a long time. Once I am done putting this list down, and once I am done crossing out all of the items on this list, I might just cross myself out next. But it will be years and decades until that happens. And by then, maybe I will feel differently. For now, however, this list and these stories are my reason for being alive. I've felt this way for a while now: I've endured through tough times by reminding myself that I have stories to write. ""Shit to do,"" as I jokingly tell other people. Tonight I've made those goals quantifiable. I plan on carrying this piece of paper with me through the upcoming years, watching it turned creased and yellow and tattered, until it's finally exhausted and I am at the end of my path. Then, I will take all of my manuscripts, print them out at Kinko's (or something), and put them all in a nice box. Maybe in 400 years people will discover this box. My current hero is Vincent van Gough for this very reason. Maybe I'll get a ""Starry Night"" tattoo or some shit, I dunno. God I hope nobody who knows me sees this. Lmao.",3.473215077605321,4.876941505226483,4.134661070636682,88.65449081406399,72.97212543554008,6.890655685777638,26.285872663921445,7.348242739294969,1.2005902439024387,1120,38,231,12,22,356,150,287,0.04,0.8909999999999999,0.068,0.8279,3,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,2,5,5,8,2,0,11,0,24,5,3,3,6,47,39,23,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,22,20,0,0,5,2,0,6,0,4,0,0,8,5,35,4,37,23,9,45,0,0,3,0,10,15,2,6,23,162,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418171571149875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954830157626593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537797088056353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109822696452542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121605049785293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269555773888869,0.0,0.11905456925664375,0.1358303752416439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647822285733286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109648299229582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725456158462992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437701579162133,0.12315493441921276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814436588945813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875812797386889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973160328125167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732699241698025,0.0,0.0,0.3737086928865472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153901653264058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318700052820021,0.11636083380642676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26410108843098834,0.0,0.18860744984400574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719249317489224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929828666585774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549748604323485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880789844047827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455800930936257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954573481068496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645749861836586,0.0,0.10837702633914006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237671592389323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460487126878782,0.0,0.11753268685761965,0.0,0.13776291970738708,0.0,0.1348708681193323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230879570649054,0.0,0.0984213968810035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954599156647055
suicidewatch,sadnalone4ever,2019/02/08,"Done Every aspect of my life is falling apart, my mum whom I’m very close with is dying from cancer, I lost my job to care for her and deal with my mental health, all my friends have ditched me due to my situation. I’ve never felt so alone, and I feel betrayed by everyone around me because I know I give them all 100%, I make sure they never feel how I feel. Yet when I need help no ones to be found. I’ve felt like I was around for everyone else for a long time, now I feel like everyone has sucked me dry leaving me as an empty shell of a human. ",10.204152542372881,4.2740083135593245,9.915000000000003,76.51961864406779,63.322033898305094,13.155932203389833,37.974576271186436,8.841846274778883,3.0135864406779667,423,10,101,4,4,140,79,118,0.171,0.7020000000000001,0.127,-0.6825,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,7,7,1,0,3,0,7,3,0,2,5,23,22,6,1,1,0,1,6,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,6,6,22,5,15,15,2,13,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,0,10,61,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454447146288705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656706679020749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909616872426604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213732695238413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383683283260904,0.0,0.0,0.1548643499974887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270145110913952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465218950502598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572229586532888,0.4277515435691953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017956853960281,0.10660111052640543,0.28654466619451585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360943834534186,0.11528517710266692,0.0,0.0,0.14314315539475686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861137164733646,0.0,0.0,0.10001743749503167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807548122813946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200611156191333,0.0,0.0,0.15799993349989533,0.0,0.0,0.10539683073193204,0.14580040147528936,0.0,0.0,0.132052914178515,0.0,0.0,0.1628886789221898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960393217491344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503762829160628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064298797599163,0.2301716830703597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111373340934747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167726877281229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063585806052809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701000479556026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312017882859748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frozensteele,2019/02/08,"4 months ago I promise myself I would end it if it hadn’t gotten better Well surprise it hasn’t. I’m so depressed but literally know one knows because every time I’ve tried talking I pussy out and say I was joking or I was just tired people actually believe me too so… 4 months ago I told myself that when I got my drivers license I would crash my car into a tree or off a cliff or something to end it and make it seem like an accident so my parents aren’t “sad” but they just will keep calling me a disappointment, unmotivated shithead. I have actually started talk to a girl I like she seems to like me as well which is nice but that’s the only thing that’s gotten better out of so many things that have gone to complete shit. I have started doing nothing in classes I went from a 3.8gpa advanced only classes to like a 3.0 no adv class and no doing anything in them just sitting and sleeping in them. 

I have had suicidal thoughts sense I was eight, EIGHT years old I had no fucking childhood I’ve almost always been depressed I’ve a couple of happy days sometimes even a happy week

I’ve literally spend hours mad at myself before sleeping just wanting to never wake up again. I haven’t cried since like 13 or 14 but a week or two ago I cried myself to sleep I’m such a pathetic piece of shit. No one will ever love me. I honestly just want all this pain to go away any way possible, also one of my moms friends did it and she cried for 3 days straight but now hasn’t talk abt her or cried over her or probably even remembered her so I’m pretty sure if I did it everyone would be sad that I’m dead for maybe a week then no one would even care or remember me

Any way I get my license this Monday and I think that in a month when I’m driving alone I’ll probably drive myself off a cliff. 

TL:DR :fuk this bs life shit I want to die and never come back it hurts so bad just make it stop",1.5143899521531097,3.498542467171717,3.2242105263157903,90.50763157894735,80.13636363636364,5.784582668793195,22.79479000531632,6.8360192770164,0.6116676767676767,1491,49,320,16,38,495,201,396,0.265,0.573,0.161,-0.9962,2,1,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,3,3,25,33,5,0,15,0,27,12,7,2,5,57,58,32,3,9,21,2,0,5,1,6,3,1,0,1,21,11,0,2,8,1,1,8,12,13,2,7,16,1,45,20,30,35,2,56,0,6,0,2,19,14,4,13,36,202,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.14204014677154664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935378565807828,0.0,0.0728758782165182,0.07537525666565532,0.0,0.05819992056068595,0.06055648128469868,0.0,0.0,0.0989820173119689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598894551760611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837659859294724,0.055961193776028255,0.06076594299111843,0.044364320882892806,0.0,0.061928058202371926,0.08199501069828477,0.0,0.1287310827164651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431368373448702,0.0,0.07420123126317399,0.0,0.0,0.06269113522516268,0.07630553579652855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052661524782152,0.3197694573493231,0.09387057886606782,0.0,0.12536583454909106,0.0,0.07553126953637923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891803989881967,0.0,0.0,0.14420601225662866,0.06583116661200464,0.06131795094152113,0.06954175731309598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622750352441962,0.06728137182120614,0.03802309630760083,0.0,0.04136097413485287,0.0,0.058206595180404136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549454186572327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167090679633857,0.0,0.07790952460615012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468774151581143,0.0,0.0,0.0799929191723428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140470631506081,0.17777638014367025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568428699975748,0.0,0.09715872566034234,0.07378468334058533,0.07311450446387291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523580636358433,0.1742702600448142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226056502940353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983171022635717,0.0,0.07636745521923531,0.0,0.19726292467168494,0.11070071820132114,0.07744009860498707,0.0,0.08081049578895945,0.0,0.0,0.05045456432675399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204538623934175,0.0,0.07404060173749878,0.15693231542010455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648848177677,0.0,0.0,0.057875370405673275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325073046869722,0.0,0.0,0.22411432696125252,0.060202072601717525,0.0,0.2184893516066788,0.0,0.0,0.05602746339957269,0.07197853646087622,0.0,0.10302418891336207,0.0,0.0,0.06084501887128451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960647195831956,0.0,0.06859167330519884,0.0,0.0,0.17548673017409328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669990897372828,0.04663270718197727,0.0,0.05777698737679561,0.042436985172389134,0.08364671420664753,0.0,0.06954175731309598,0.0,0.04941095857105485,0.0,0.07109277390732695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877767874204096,0.11553434745144694,0.1751325001872001,0.0,0.13087093098589905,0.06746521672417212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206795410315344,0.0,0.0,0.04686614682256447
suicidewatch,Alxfk,2019/02/08,I dont think I ever could. How would I? I dont think I could ever end myself. Just boom gone. Its weird. Because I'm alive and this is what I experience and this is my life. Even tho it's horrible and I hate myself so much. I dont see myself enjoying anything soon at all. I dont see how I'm going to get better. And it crosses my mind. To take that step off of somewhere high or something seems like something I have to do because what's the point in living this anymore.,-0.7942016806722698,1.3517768627451048,1.712212885154063,95.76352941176472,94.09803921568628,4.090756302521008,18.07002801120448,5.773587663045528,-0.3498677871148459,368,11,83,3,14,125,62,102,0.12,0.799,0.08199999999999999,-0.5684,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,1,0,1,0,11,1,0,2,3,18,23,9,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,3,15,3,7,19,2,13,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,2,5,59,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416523562116163,0.0,0.0,0.11753972123434454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741398346001514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263245385369343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808170114620666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6695987425228962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650800067590445,0.0,0.0,0.09434011619759396,0.2584019824311123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971847661861767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462455831871496,0.0,0.0811755150468424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101841548356195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509113333432841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088745727679843,0.0697811863631389,0.0,0.12612451249376844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422102073632587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049989865059065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502373454391736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276394604478571,0.13003016648452184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992026509820514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739294391407056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183043755748286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146475205673287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akaPho3nix,2019/02/08,How do I tell my parents about suicide? It'll destroy everything. I feel like the only way is the hard way.,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727258,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,105.36363636363636,4.0181818181818185,23.681818181818183,5.985473137389443,0.7555090909090918,84,4,17,1,4,28,19,22,0.349,0.5579999999999999,0.093,-0.7845,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011403232559378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942202947044022,0.2393748799355633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30015791493529914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636988274576147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548366908138628,0.0,0.0,0.3720568333158339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665134284735401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928669336800437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319277283517101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheTruePinkPhantom,2019/02/08,I failed everyone and myself I relapsed tonight... I cut more than I ever have before and lost a fair amount of blood. My arms look like a checkerboard... And now i dont see why i shouldn't just finish it. It wouldn't be all that hard either. One last failure and then i cant disappoint myself or anyone else again...,0.6740625000000016,3.101463281250002,1.9112500000000023,95.60875,88.0625,4.45,17.375,5.985473137389443,-0.37365,246,6,52,2,8,78,50,64,0.199,0.688,0.113,-0.6533,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,2,11,9,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,3,10,1,2,5,4,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055088047135679,0.30114567269787396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500958829428545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344460496952388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455242095282029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658585496930189,0.0,0.28084373548063724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632857569816629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395759930163701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358964918009606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468104957300865,0.0,0.3208376386509552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916111835945333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342083301303723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652081879386517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrewAwayUsed,2019/02/08,"I almost felt good today Today I was the most productive and successful that I've ever been in the entire 20 years I have existed. It was also the day I realized it is never going to get better for me.

I just don't enjoy living",4.232499999999998,4.39943225,7.120833333333334,72.50750000000002,70.25,9.733333333333334,24.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.2454083333333337,180,4,33,4,3,67,38,48,0.053,0.752,0.195,0.7879999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,2,8,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,6,4,3,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983725948165245,0.0,0.0,0.23828544836488044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635290861918306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216515038064694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26952973305466976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860966636769742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567633880926568,0.0,0.16934246939830322,0.24992199450577415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631118063744604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298118177312076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648789423691786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188206274447653
suicidewatch,vremmu,2019/02/08,"I'm running out of reasons to stay alive. I'm just going to preface this by saying it didn't get better. People have been telling me for years that ""it gets better"". It was supposed to get better when I moved. It was supposed to get better when I graduated. It was supposed to get better when I went to college. It didn't. It still hasn't. Every day just turns out worse than the last.

My family wouldn't care if I died. I have no friends. I don't have a roommate. There is no one who cares about my life, so why should I care? Really. Why should I care about my own life?",-0.08149999999999835,2.158237183333334,1.6900000000000013,97.195,89.66666666666666,4.2,17.166666666666664,5.6839178017228535,-0.5897333333333332,442,11,100,3,15,144,68,120,0.2,0.7090000000000001,0.092,-0.8944,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,5,10,10,0,0,2,0,15,2,0,1,0,9,29,5,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,7,1,12,10,14,19,1,14,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,7,66,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565020921724093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132328829167048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116015562062905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060811308178955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603054760858358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118636257648019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972281835549849,0.0,0.328746285660603,0.0,0.07152109080300782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258115575157238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777727652518654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337542115346368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527639787636168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872456597582698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062006735953266,0.1293904827758202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007766278777937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134134920766514,0.10050065012220734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099948107515468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688413601845734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666035416966085,0.22711259246804566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824766193465542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104059472959155
suicidewatch,LostOne97,2019/02/08,":/ Lost my bet friend to suicide 6 months ago, Sister got diagnosed with breast cancer, brother is going to jail this month, Mums been ill since a young age and it’s only getting worse. Struggling with self harm and addiction with drugs

Feel like I’m loosing myself and I don’t want to be here",2.5731578947368448,5.119925877192987,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,79.70175438596492,5.203508771929825,21.780701754385966,6.42735559955562,0.4035754385964912,233,7,45,2,6,71,50,57,0.35,0.556,0.095,-0.9628,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,4,6,1,0,0,9,11,3,1,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,3,2,6,7,0,6,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647630753161305,0.0,0.0,0.2152887280441524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465069380149319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165095175376303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280187145240193,0.17350567294384805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876399986348567,0.0,0.126889036361941,0.0,0.13802805822295747,0.0,0.19424453791456905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865353300980433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651202197779011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877114615590619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471283011126685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25336535055551745,0.0,0.0,0.20090375906331728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25389942714144115,0.0,0.2656592833273763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432504376490307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750427530854066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlcoholicClinician,2019/02/08,"Can anyone give me some advice? I just quit my job. Finished out my 2 week notice. I start a new job Monday, which fell into my lap unexpectedly. This upcoming job has a significant pay increase, better benefits, less intense labor, basically an upgrade all around.

And I want to throw it all away.

For months now, I have made it a point to leave the place I live on the weekends, because there is nothing I want to do here. The things I'm interested in just don't happen here. So I'm stuck driving 5+ hours, or taking a full day to travel via flight, just to have some fun before coming home... and every time I leave, it gets harder to come back. 

I hate where I live, but I'm not sure I have enough funds, or even a good enough resumé built, to go be successful enough elsewhere to actually enjoy it. I went out of town for 5 days last week and was the happiest I have been in a very long time, and I broke down crying the night before my flight back, just at the thought of coming home. I cried when my alarm went off to board the flight. I have cried every day since I've been home. I hadn't cried in years before this (not that I think there is anything wrong with crying, I just typically haven't been one to do it).

Everyone tells me to wait it out, and that this will pass, but I feel that this has been building for months and finally reached the breaking point.  People tell me I'd be stupid to walk away from this job offer, and that I am established here and would be foolish to leave. I have spoken to friends who have been in similar mental states (depressed, ready to die) who up and moved with no job lined up, no place to live in mind, and though it wasn't easy, they are doing much better now and have established careers. I held a revolver against my head yesterday and sat there spinning the loader for what felt like an eternity before I put it down and drove aimlessly. I have consumed more alcohol and driven more miles, aimlessly, in the last 4 days than I had in the past month, and I feel I am only getting worse.

Every dollar spent on gas driving like that, every drop of liquor consumed, everything I do feels like wasted resources and time that could have gone toward getting out of here. Everyone tells me to bide my time and build resources and get an offer lined up before moving. And I know that what they're saying is the smart move, but I just want to get out of here. I am tired of stepping stones and waiting games. It feels like such an insignificant problem, but outside of work I don't do anything. My evenings are spent browsing reddit, or staring at the wall or ceiling with music playing waiting for the next work shift to come. I feel like I have experienced everything there is to do here, and that there is nothing left here for me.

I am hoping that the new job will, at the very least, return my sense of accomplishment. But even then, if I'm miserable in my life outside of work, is it worth staying? I plan to give it a try and see how things go, but I'm honestly just ready to jump ship, pack up my things, pick a direction, and just drive. Has anyone been in a similar situation of being tired of feeling stuck somewhere? What did you do and how did it turn out for you?  I apologize for the wall of text, and how whiny it likely sounds.",6.449776511831727,5.787635064417177,6.407044697633655,82.30675460122704,65.68711656441718,9.414618755477653,30.285013146362843,8.591530228387361,2.028056038562665,2570,76,533,32,35,814,289,652,0.128,0.752,0.12,-0.8851,6,0,1,1,0,0,80.0,0,2,1,10,36,28,2,2,31,0,57,6,1,5,3,93,110,43,1,8,21,0,7,6,1,3,4,2,3,0,36,40,2,4,10,5,6,26,9,8,0,1,26,12,56,20,80,76,14,110,0,3,2,0,16,43,0,8,43,350,92,14,0.0,0.0,0.05428298974249388,0.0,0.0,0.05435712135007472,0.0,0.059447318547317815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779003943519676,0.0,0.09155098061773913,0.049518967961032084,0.0,0.0,0.1045249891502111,0.08554598053486022,0.0,0.03390911696665736,0.0,0.2366683099517411,0.0,0.0,0.0983934218806062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166762793317527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044412865671311405,0.0,0.30551295826901537,0.14349677286392284,0.0,0.04791062573198293,0.0,0.057731046083404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242970365698715,0.0,0.1102214220705185,0.0,0.18746934737220933,0.10630612780126976,0.0999861938198719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875717963804898,0.11921775975765407,0.0534097206016022,0.060935606555580765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04297653961131392,0.0,0.14531154703487065,0.10672313028469853,0.06322711953579956,0.04665648220847414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918992242682061,0.0,0.0,0.05491919704718304,0.057088363948997974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739235724010282,0.055249207813766736,0.054780443232268265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33120156178265303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03057061619267675,0.09068529190486524,0.0,0.1766998300552414,0.060437853945028784,0.0,0.039290316280852035,0.1630564367464538,0.0,0.14735643420130298,0.04922729391245479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263470291937175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056057963753562375,0.0,0.056166442014003615,0.0,0.13320052046481534,0.17736502812317526,0.040891538951836885,0.0,0.0,0.10744794985363154,0.0591589233560685,0.052201269227841136,0.0,0.10674936899396377,0.06333061389133797,0.0,0.0,0.03769364352231308,0.04230610913317341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310134827777399,0.038564091351105584,0.0,0.11623474235054353,0.0,0.1051691732322481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053226606696713565,0.0,0.055919533036060114,0.0,0.05916513943687754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044236058740873226,0.0,0.0,0.04432675101752077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460144341412429,0.06252599828110925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937239658733626,0.0592899561095111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242688328723216,0.0,0.04182385845188722,0.0,0.14585882925487806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086640544022217,0.03564291959927872,0.05465230071861197,0.04416086133973296,0.12974396229089907,0.12786789742130375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03776642897438418,0.0605051568245214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179461532452064,0.09842903676324134,0.0,0.08923970607201567,0.0,0.0,0.10313179057195887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148925630674247,0.0,0.05668768583006745,0.039515141993613126,0.06081834113535582,0.0,0.03582134523320695
suicidewatch,lf2722812,2019/02/08,"Therapie makes me even more want to die than ever. Actually my therapist is very professional and good at his stuff even if it is just a collage service completely free for students. He tried to convince me that I'm good enough but it just fixed my mood for a few minutes. Because there's way to change your mind to feel more comfortable in this world, but we can do basically nothing to make the world treat ourselves better. What if my therapist and I reached the goal, I got mentally healthy but still am an absolute asian gay virgin. What he's doing is basically teach me how to live on with useless confidence but any actual change.

And I started cutting myself, I should get used to pain if I still want to have the last say on my life.",6.933333333333334,6.728179000000004,6.999444444444446,76.94000000000003,64.55555555555556,10.811111111111114,35.361111111111114,10.411451182825502,3.5217527777777766,592,25,115,13,8,190,99,144,0.076,0.722,0.202,0.9556,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,1,1,0,2,9,11,1,0,6,0,9,4,0,4,1,24,19,11,1,6,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,16,8,16,17,4,12,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,3,5,77,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.2972561005366301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035728600616283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928439270751741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470170418684838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222377284493492,0.0,0.1596892606476665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580689063006716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737213925549678,0.0,0.2011924931162247,0.13776890777461295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701016069480374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957325865696929,0.0,0.0,0.2554930012484334,0.12181250091686835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414918732158535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757777217044252,0.0,0.0,0.13448841348966276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333000619432626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348796914517684,0.0,0.15378498506899316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461410900192695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206362961251067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111932657725027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078025099009184,0.0,0.24326249683089146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743531858167633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417444007159433,0.35367649813850843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340533435404034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154292036395934,0.0,0.12566786359349388,0.17966728181709718,0.12089289676917205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedMelon424,2019/02/08,"How do I help a friend desensitized to all the things I can think of or find on google to say? They’re almost all true of course, but although I’ve gotten her professional help she seems to have so little regard for her life. How can I talk to her without being predictable and using stock arguments?",7.562655367231642,6.612796000000002,7.280000000000001,77.89706214689267,63.57627118644068,9.900564971751416,29.836158192090398,8.841846274778883,2.111232768361581,240,6,47,3,3,76,46,59,0.058,0.785,0.157,0.6213,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,3,14,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,9,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,0,33,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31095869198915776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28382587074236804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399206895019788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162938058317638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934199119119466,0.0,0.3112403991364809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469520768760625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827018977531183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495984744282713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630747749346168,0.1989800464035336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820490420662435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993473021657082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neo_neo_neo_96,2019/02/08,"If you're reading this, a little help. A guy died on my watch. I keep an eye out on this sub trying to help, and yesterday, one person killed himself. I tried to help him, but i failed to convince him.
And I'm very very upset. And my anxiety is kicking in. I need some help figuring this out. 



I'm so conflicted. Did I make a mistake?
Should I stop?



Please advise. I don't care even if it's berating. Just tell me your advice. ",-0.807484874675886,1.3488244831460676,1.6642696629213491,95.32435609334487,96.30337078651688,4.985652549697496,18.082108902333623,6.67199483983844,0.13192411408815952,325,10,73,5,13,110,63,89,0.256,0.606,0.138,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,1,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,18,10,7,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,14,2,8,8,1,8,0,1,2,0,12,6,0,3,2,45,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926350103002266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508053632523009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098910930418631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045917881724636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020376017288102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519157316084104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285334264694996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521988960060592,0.21809723885442195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975779513253417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158707341621734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461708053475161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358167665668466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212797057890042,0.0,0.21639162763438866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971852458105557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481109464561156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230196877018036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26767923884818723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253089241915874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cj6464,2019/02/08,"Thoughts. It's weird looking at all the posts here.  Everyone here has a similar goal or thought process yet I have issues relating to any one of them because no one can truly know how someone else feels.  

A few months ago one of my best friends was killed in a car accident.  Ever since then I know I haven't been the same and other people know too.  My entire friend group has been torn from me.  I don't know if I caused it or if that's just how it was going to be anyways but I feel so unwanted and hated that I can't handle life anymore.  No one to blame but myself.  I'm really feeling like dropping out of college even though it's the last thing I have going for me.  I hate the work I'd have to do if I did such a thing as I have plenty of experience in it over the years but I just can't help but hate every living moment of what I have going on in life right now.  No one to talk to.  Cold shoulders everywhere.  I've made new friends but it's not the same.  I feel as though losing everything I had before is just bound to happen again and I definitely wouldn't make it through that so I don't accept change.  I just want it back to the way it was.  I've heard that it's temporary and it's just a rough patch.   No ups have been had in the past few years in my life and ever since the thing that changed my entire life the steady decline increased tenfold.  The saying is true, the one by David Foster Wallace about the burning building and jumping instead of burning to death.  I understand it now.       ",2.0626541237723366,3.7386471693290737,3.2946893858714965,92.08896580286356,77.30670926517574,6.170583362915632,23.094190036682054,6.937597516519254,0.591045059756242,1176,36,259,12,27,381,162,313,0.16699999999999998,0.745,0.08800000000000001,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,4,26,13,4,0,18,0,28,5,1,5,4,50,52,25,2,6,16,0,5,1,3,1,4,2,0,0,22,7,0,1,12,0,0,6,11,6,0,6,13,9,27,7,32,37,7,36,0,1,1,0,9,11,0,5,17,186,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876732703494726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725875740935103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808713357602836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605180130157724,0.0,0.06029153935080046,0.0,0.08416082752360407,0.0,0.10379464278761233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160262799153423,0.20925664496489693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262239429064819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532578649964309,0.17893037888594288,0.08333168588018991,0.09450791794230096,0.08888939138632218,0.09674801920453824,0.0,0.0,0.20003725737205497,0.0706577158468485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229241156443378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686298865853157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746132040464716,0.0,0.0,0.2929444845001815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662939029748978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323107120194687,0.0,0.0,0.10942367288508684,0.0,0.2174222951274545,0.080620734694997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794379638351168,0.04831996255445016,0.0,0.08733488263129374,0.0,0.08305524792225896,0.11064933983774802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358625485297677,0.06601982195204734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894498726353562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552301676173164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40212332168989695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441596584240304,0.06856823884589185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472360198481042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336104340085916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446428665907871,0.0,0.07865318577662117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363039293883688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838018429446812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949605213735697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712416141221228,0.0,0.1943472218771133,0.15703896458570707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296354073581623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583367018876531,0.07850614544653163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200398135325331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738308979559387
suicidewatch,airflowers,2019/02/08,"I wish I could end my life without hurting those who care about me. I have OCD and intrusive thoughts that hound me constantly. I worry about actually stepping over the line and doing the things I think about, although I never have. Execpt that I cut myself for the forst time today about an hour ago and I want to cut again. Although It would hurt my husband If I killed myself I think it would be better if I took myself out. I have ceartainly made him miserable with my depression, outbursts and i can't go on. I'm a piece of shit. ",3.2100209643605875,5.095531867924528,3.920314465408804,87.93338574423481,74.66037735849056,6.5979035639413,24.985324947589106,7.3871296695380915,1.1286784067085955,422,14,84,5,9,134,71,106,0.222,0.67,0.108,-0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,4,1,5,0,9,2,1,1,1,19,19,8,1,7,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,3,0,22,2,12,12,1,14,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,2,8,66,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.1848451047622056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790804660162387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752524558531226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312475631817028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469407612386312,0.0,0.15123523679788678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314585240537166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776854384107906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765088280738484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865390395080232,0.0,0.405552783917069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095634746242876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379186856741887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923233818572384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460912029111003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443533952642764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584121609993404,0.2427434169935556,0.0,0.15037710854643785,0.11045143430609006,0.0,0.17954656336773972,0.0,0.2104508920393464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172392246910197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178218947525784,0.18259264762694308,0.0,0.0,0.19236365294207444,0.0,0.269114895703137,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,equalsmilk,2019/02/08,"University Suicide I have to enrol to university this year, only applied since I'd be first in the family to attend so kinda forced to. (My family aren't really smart. My mother could've went uni but she had me)

Anyway, I'm not rich so we're obviously going with the student loan. I'm already suicidal as it is, if I were to just kill myself mid course would all the debt go to my mother?

If that's the case I'll just kill myself before I start because I can't hold out for another 4 years. I wouldn't want to leave a massive debt behind. 

University in the UK to clarify. ",1.8295951107715809,3.748378529411767,4.593796791443854,81.3957219251337,78.83193277310923,7.688617265087854,21.742551566080976,8.575989854853784,1.4761529411764711,451,13,91,10,11,161,83,119,0.289,0.701,0.009000000000000001,-0.9901,2,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,2,15,16,6,4,5,6,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,4,2,0,1,3,0,12,2,15,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,4,56,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654963805605085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057689714933592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962272298183275,0.0,0.1669810966046306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566772715506767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699848232120989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691695591572006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304916440635195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342087745687537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077839896019633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924517138718227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571283838816485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232719695579526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889578117675358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292973611730924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574418574681555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191133709469104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939935059169226,0.0,0.0,0.2527371539566762
suicidewatch,TemplarProphet,2019/02/08,"I know I could make it through this. I just don't want to. I'm just tired... I've been struggling for years. My mental health has been bad since I was about 8 (now 26). I've had a terrible bladder disease for almost 10 years. Every single day just feels like desperately trying to distract myself from my suffering. I only stay alive for everyone else in my life. They're all amazing people who try to help me when/how they can. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't ever truly help my suffering. It helps for a short flash of hope and then starys to fade as soon as they go. I've had suicidal thoughts for what seems like centuries now, and I've tried to kill myself twice so far. 

The first time, when I was 18, I think was really a desperate cry for help. Cut my wrists and laid down, but I woke up, ate, and idek what after that. The second time, when I was about 21 or 22, I took a ton of pills and ended up in the hospital. I didn't tell people about how I really ended up there. I was/am embarrassed that I want so desperately to die, and I was ashamed that I  couldn't even manage to do it. 

Honestly, I'm scared to die. I'm terrified of what will happen after. All the usually questions like ""what will happen to my loved ones"", ""will it hurt"", ""what comes after, of anything"". I just believe in my heart that it would be easier to be dead. Have so for years, but now is the most solidly I can rationalize it.

I've been out of work and school for years. I've been in constant pain every day for years. I've been depressed for years. I could just go on and on and on with what seem like perfectly valid reasons to me.

I'm constantly torn between not wanting to hurt my loved ones, but also not caring about hurting them because it means my continued suffering. I love all of them so god damn much, and I even love the Earth. This life has amazing and fantastic things for people, I've managed to experience some of them, but every day I get worse and worse. I'd miss out on so many things, but I'd also be missing out on years of more suffering. It's a huge debate I've had for a long time.

The last time I wanted to commit suicide was in 2016, but my friend showed up and talked to me and kept me distracted. That night was the worse I've ever felt, that is, until now. 

I know it seems trivial or cliche to say, but the final straw this time is my gf just (at least to me) out of nowhere broke up with me last night. We've been doing fine. We've hung out, been out doing things, just got tickets to see Patton Oswalt in April, got our plane tickets for Disney this summer, etc, etc. Tons of things that were seemingly fine and happy. We always said we were each other's best friend, which was true. She's the best gf I've ever had and a phenomenal friend. She understands me better than anyone else ever has and has helped more than anyone else has. She made the suffering worth it, which I feel bad even thinking because of my family, but it's true. Every day I sat here suffering was worth it because I got to see her every week. Now that's just over. In the blink of an eye. There are other girls out there, I know, but I just don't believe there are more like her. She literally checked every single thing off my ""list of ideal qualities in a partner"". Everything. You name it.

I just don't know how the fuck I can top that. I don't even want to. I love her. I love her so much I can physically feel it. I've always felt and said that she is my soulmate and best friend. I don't want anyone but her. My last breakup was horrible. Wrecked me, but a part of me still new I could do way better than that gf. All of my other exes it's easy to see why would have never worked out. I can't do that this time. This time with her has been the best of my life. The least of my suffering. She helped me beyond measure and gave me motivation to live. Being with her made me feel good, which again, makes me feel like shit because I have the most amazing family ever that loves me so much. I just can't help how I feel. I just can't see a future without her which would be worth my continued suffering. Everyone in my life would be devastated if I died, but they would still have their lives. They could keep moving forward with their lives, as I'd want them to, and they wouldn't have to worry about and support me anymore. They wouldn't be weighed down with my constant struggles and strife.

There are plenty of things I still want to see in life, like the next Avengers, my friends getting married, my son graduating, etc, but now I don't want to do anything. I don't want to see the Avengers, Patton Oswalt, or go to Disney with my family without her. I don't hate life or blame anyone/anything. I'm just tired of my life. Tired of the struggle. Tired of my horrible health. Tired of feeling alone and without a purpose other than to keep others happy. I'm tired of watching everything I love turn to dust in my hands, watching it blow away like smoke. I've been pretending all these years, and i just don't want to pretend anymore.

I just want to rest in peace.",2.8680255271390003,4.246472888781433,3.836100723547535,90.29626823793491,74.46421663442939,6.963039377223773,22.920170976908565,7.526774132740827,0.7549798600663848,3933,105,860,48,81,1266,351,1034,0.183,0.614,0.203,0.9887,1,1,1,0,0,4,143.0,3,1,12,13,62,76,6,8,31,0,89,34,6,9,15,165,177,63,7,27,40,1,10,8,9,10,17,3,0,2,59,44,2,3,25,5,4,7,23,33,0,5,42,22,125,43,134,113,30,116,0,15,9,9,66,42,3,15,75,577,184,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037642665406032096,0.03893367237550408,0.0,0.06012415054030808,0.06255862485509997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456174619633843,0.07885498875877711,0.07703429436496366,0.0928043178777517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0353186470671372,0.0,0.06277501187157501,0.09166222502315192,0.0,0.0,0.08470596384469947,0.15780071309905075,0.06649362165701879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832725161618937,0.0,0.0,0.032381927805985866,0.0,0.12186984480152717,0.0,0.1200556797480081,0.0,0.041292726018019685,0.09697416698643692,0.0,0.03237768297802668,0.0,0.11704277367622733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420914500154193,0.0,0.06659019087625644,0.0,0.12577407386736913,0.09931587427391113,0.17001926005625545,0.19003581161526195,0.07184097581663218,0.06757000636537827,0.0367719036632661,0.10631435005110497,0.0,0.1330524793256669,0.05371104734855113,0.0721878696077754,0.04117987859660337,0.0,0.03197548758284385,0.0,0.0,0.14521630157909204,0.03475292825974402,0.03928023173198435,0.0,0.06409270179633661,0.03153014110620333,0.09019656875861916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648444639228074,0.0800341442662677,0.0,0.03711402897028865,0.0,0.07991645537743718,0.0,0.04454635492376685,0.17637850610158556,0.0,0.0,0.03733704805669248,0.0,0.0,0.120728102568276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682647453021444,0.041589655177378684,0.0,0.08263767833603293,0.09192677784540428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586494533279047,0.14692327741064656,0.0,0.0995825005090112,0.03326747859816852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714238728617037,0.07114036599310768,0.05018551392880172,0.03811209161456309,0.0,0.040948390349878884,0.0,0.0,0.03788359995463229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039954036390494,0.08290269211297613,0.0,0.028993042630230142,0.03630630579175912,0.03997920787883828,0.07055454276738404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050946228382798886,0.02859018784706228,0.040000227676665306,0.0,0.0,0.04070815643013563,0.0,0.07818407117577501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211131617619441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816442141341792,0.038650536667923736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151664535953628,0.02989443498654304,0.037635857589493435,0.038044815376028766,0.17973434535209634,0.13688831630590953,0.0,0.0,0.0385873480085135,0.03109624928241964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208083937723291,0.0,0.04006775894419977,0.09006235959630671,0.0,0.0,0.11789704556845285,0.0,0.08223845424349162,0.04265862470551197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030214790905690687,0.032856809674323764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984556237430374,0.048174497141929805,0.0,0.029843617081794487,0.15344019049173355,0.25923682998425696,0.0,0.0,0.04176577071639073,0.07656690635091169,0.04088898352442915,0.0,0.039134293724006376,0.0,0.0,0.041401955396005406,0.0,0.26607075983358164,0.02983854802475173,0.030153800624682637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033920669413306376,0.0,0.0,0.10871119501636277,0.0,0.054734422212733835,0.038176204173294495,0.11492748586700215,0.1335203538624252,0.0,0.0,0.19366261944401775
suicidewatch,Guitarist0014,2019/02/08,"Honestly, what is the point of living if one is never gonna be cured of depression? Isnt one living for others in the end, if one is having a shit time anyways no matter what one does?",5.71076923076923,4.3921186666666685,7.143205128205127,78.58096153846154,67.46153846153847,9.851282051282054,27.19230769230769,8.841846274778883,1.8600153846153848,144,3,30,2,2,50,28,39,0.219,0.69,0.091,-0.7757,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,1,4,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177886947994404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128024929319745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395967566962355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465615575485707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502188952148414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6853802720827191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390352517990332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25955804695009504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744520538885286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LibellousLife,2019/02/08,"Everything gets taken away from me ""I rose too high, loved too hard, dared too much. I tried to grasp a star, overreached, and fell.""",1.765066666666666,4.403320440000002,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,84.6,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.5476666666666663,101,2,22,1,3,29,22,25,0.053,0.7979999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39359243798142013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37650144821820064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887024922667894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752731897390208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44261570030212816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780948334562589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079569898014801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844215718122368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bearywishprince,2019/02/09,"“Temporary problem” I’m on the verge of ending my life, drawing closer and closer. I have a plan—an exact method of my suicide (overdose/asphyxiation). Pretty much on the cusp of the event but still just waiting for that last bit of umph to finally execute.

So I’m not looking for help-I don’t want it. I’m convinced suicide is my only solution. No I’m just wondering who the fuck heralds the phrase “suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem”. Temporary? Temporary?? How is this temporary? I’ve been dealing with this for well over a decade now, spoiler alert, it doesn’t get better. It only gets worse. Pills fail. Doctors are hacks.

My biggest regret is not ending it ages ago. Holding on to some fallacy that this was going to get better. No-slowly everything just fades to grey. Nothing feels good anymore. Then nothing feels anything. All is bland. Senses dry up like sand. I spend every waking hour trying to just move from one thing to another. Nothing matters anymore. DEPRESSION IS PERMANENT. So better to just get it done. ",1.968894645941276,4.795146139896378,3.426772020725388,81.95283506044906,92.78238341968913,6.096649395509499,27.158721934369602,7.42949916751922,2.3058346804835916,827,40,135,17,30,270,119,193,0.195,0.642,0.163,-0.9139,0,0,1,0,0,3,34.0,0,0,0,4,11,13,1,0,9,0,13,5,1,1,2,24,29,6,3,4,8,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,2,0,2,3,0,1,2,5,6,1,1,3,5,6,7,22,26,4,23,0,3,2,1,2,9,1,2,13,83,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719221427154152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679981228192844,0.0,0.0,0.2398490896404937,0.0,0.0,0.09951050546783302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208435042415604,0.13201816239655018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466778132331705,0.10415203751397076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377128185196247,0.0,0.12374767969476876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420631188813474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188405078163988,0.0,0.10867908371581443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228605405641632,0.0,0.0,0.13246680632844948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179269036285427,0.25271210244930503,0.0,0.06872414235029403,0.10142567772816666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105309890068195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908620877707354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856955299725746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541250365025678,0.059077570154318325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015460686725979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285235357885669,0.0888933724794298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480907663233685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194152579296128,0.18393696171523796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302362214485575,0.0,0.2314167036109815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657040892062577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968151107634233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033682050020963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209975276284033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132436401323276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872558829570256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311373900068895,0.0,0.0,0.123232328756918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Julieisgone,2019/02/09,"Disposable That’s how I feel. I mean nothing to no one. I feel I have nothing to live for. I don’t know why I’m still here. Wouldn’t it be easier to end it, rather than feel painfully empty?",-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,96.85714285714286,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.35079047619047543,147,4,36,2,6,50,30,42,0.134,0.746,0.121,-0.1311,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,10,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548333137013513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364375647940739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812263885900973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25406082845380257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31340994420596585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5521475856251541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949655952105651,0.0,0.3061529163235273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297724758324524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25962131887034745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wannastopthis,2019/02/09,"Does life really get better? Because in my experience life keeps getting harder and harder as you get older. I don't know how much longer I can stand living like this? It was bad enough when I was younger but now it is much, much worse. Back then I had so many opportunities to improve my life, meet new people, see new things, etc. I took my youth for granted. Never realized how hard the real world really was. 

I just don't see the point of it all. All I ever wanted was a normal life and yet I failed to achieve what comes naturally to most people. I noticed that a lot of posters are still in their teens and early twenties...how I envy them. If I only knew what life really was back then, maybe I could have motivated myself to improve my situation while I still could.

People say it is never too late to turn your life around but I think that is hopeless optimism. Everything in life has a time and a place. Once you lose out on an opportunity, they rarely come back for a second time. Life is unfair and I wish someone would have told me just how cruel it can be when I was younger. ",3.0904966717869975,4.830818175115205,4.283095238095239,85.82718253968255,74.6221198156682,7.0342037890425,22.19380440348182,7.793537801064563,0.8885690732206868,852,22,175,12,18,279,130,217,0.127,0.725,0.149,0.5041,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,3,3,7,18,9,1,0,8,0,23,8,0,4,5,37,39,18,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,1,8,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,10,4,28,4,16,25,9,36,0,3,2,0,9,9,0,3,24,126,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711258132555771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573565726213904,0.08170566753307107,0.059652105669090426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654567450011506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685885481190214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626009717075487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563443977952916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111140034650568,0.10913530036134687,0.0,0.08851634892427855,0.0,0.0,0.08794665760624053,0.09572193921414088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337715400586402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765974973793986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697890366859995,0.0,0.0,0.05377909514092912,0.0,0.11038582352647938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5529486599988942,0.047807495765760134,0.0,0.08640863549705298,0.0,0.0,0.10947582667963196,0.0,0.08319366672584044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921061879908516,0.09830949870132984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158062451102944,0.0,0.15094515038971382,0.1890198575474076,0.0,0.0,0.09587809731424957,0.0,0.1114096977414408,0.0,0.1042134399239473,0.0,0.0744238929884733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352307503943007,0.0,0.10223868613169633,0.0,0.09250554417193607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138154456277977,0.18806716648552585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781901407191913,0.0,0.0,0.15595711550168767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099942372488671,0.0,0.0,0.08291306615203006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629584641043576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501117422172219,0.06270216969618299,0.0,0.0,0.1141212340638861,0.0,0.0,0.09350559578281882,0.10872160991055428,0.0,0.1064392214037954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057718000615990375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125295637465866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997236179460654,0.06951409050403481,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cdb288,2019/02/09,"The karmic aftermath of suicide? Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the fear that there is some sort of judgement based on the lives we live on earth and that the collateral damage of suicide carries punishment. 

Can anyone else relate? ",7.526515151515149,9.175742863636367,6.489090909090908,74.66196969696973,63.54545454545455,8.593939393939394,32.84848484848485,8.841846274778883,2.9509030303030306,202,8,31,3,3,61,33,44,0.327,0.6729999999999999,0.0,-0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835069323787388,0.2689048708786057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923826854052367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953224403623781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915296139969175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332722672798669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634856836493762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960047235549164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595638060978074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741422337129932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435611820320476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charlieandme719,2019/02/09,"Don't know how to go on. Hello to anyone who reads this. I'm a super lonely, depressed girl and I don't know where else to post this.

I've been struggling with depression ever since I was 14. Because of this I cut myself. I don't know why this is. I had a happy childhood, and loving parents.

When I was a teenager, I changed high schools 3 times because of bullying. This isolated me. My senior year, my mom decided to put me in online school because I just couldn't stand going anymore. The people who were supposed to be my friends treated me terribly. 

After I graduated high school, I waited about a year to go to college. I went to college a for a couple years, and dropped out. After this, I went to a couple 2 year colleges. I did this because I hated school and wanted to try to get a good associates degree fast, so that I could start making money. Well I ended up dropping out of those. I don't know if this is my depression, but I quit everything I start. I puzzle myself immensely, to say the least.  In this time period, I was put in the hospital twice for suicide and depression.

 

So now, I'm reenrolled in my 4 year college, because I'm a junior and just decided to finish my degree. Even with that, I needed pushing. 

​

To add to this, all of the quitting and moving around made me lose all the friends (acquaintances) I ever had, and this has made me insanely lonely. I also haven't had a boyfriend since high school (I'm 24), and I also haven't had sex yet. 

​

The sex thing is really getting to me. I know that being a virgin is not as stigmatized for women, but I feel like a freak. I believe strongly that sex should not be casual, (I'm not religious though, I just have strong morals) and I want to wait for someone who I love. But at the same time, I thought that would have happened to me already. I'm on dating sites and stuff, but it hasn't led anywhere. My depression is so bad now, that I'm starting to feel like I'll be alone forever. I don't know what to do. I just don't care anymore. No one cares about me or loves me except my parents. I've two siblings, and my sister basically made fun of me when she found I was cutting myself, and my brother couldn't care less. I feel terrible - all the time. Every year I think my life will get better, but it just doesn't. 

​

I try to stay positive, but it's extremely hard for me. I just naturally am a negative person. I have been diagnosed twice with clinical depression, but of course I quit therapy, because I just don't EVER want to do anything, even something that happens to me.

​

Also, I've noticed that I feel very old, like mentally. I don't feel like a person of my age. 

​

I'm just severely hopeless.

​

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suicidewatch,Alonzjk,2019/02/09,Does anyone else not want to die But just sit in their room on the internet all day until you wither away?,7.553636363636365,5.304659818181818,7.471818181818183,80.67772727272728,64.45454545454545,10.618181818181819,26.54545454545455,8.841846274778883,1.5970363636363645,84,1,18,1,1,27,22,22,0.05,0.821,0.129,0.4449,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29220506832897136,0.4281874540134811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39263036525603184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951062516570495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337137347656723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36570669525986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34910143398283633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464879704546887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PromiseFrom,2019/02/09,"Health problems drive me insane Constant discomfort 24h/7, social anxiety, OCD, constant self-hatred... I can barely stand it. I used to be able to manage it all but now I feel I'm too weak. I won't kill myself now because I still have a bit of hope but suicide is a serious option for me in the future. I'm really disappointed with the world though. Everyone expects you to act positive so you can never show who you really are. If you show it then you are fucked and they will ghost you. Fuck life.",2.169696969696968,4.492416121212123,3.8851414141414153,84.8410454545455,79.7070707070707,7.192323232323233,22.021212121212123,8.238735603445708,1.4057345454545458,392,12,76,8,10,131,73,99,0.29600000000000004,0.593,0.111,-0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,6,1,0,6,9,3,1,4,0,9,5,0,1,2,13,16,7,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,8,0,0,0,1,15,1,7,13,2,13,0,1,0,2,9,2,2,3,8,52,19,1,0.19971449122614554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278103914540028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174410016856912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21803649881921944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316408302852525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083575494307964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009816475129772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692656579642681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122871651027513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983615526445943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209544943781219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410642514122166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403212764144875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910997960722333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25588443412257444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083457704609659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358377316612328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949225067492515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845523842780606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621847362383102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248919749257546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Belinda_333,2019/02/09,"My lover put me in a twisted position I said i was plannimg to takw my life soon and they say
Its either that or him
And i really wanna be with him but..
At the same time i wanna do this too..
Im so conflicted :(
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suicidewatch,3dwaddle,2019/02/09,"I want to drop out of college and explore the world I have always loved traveling. I am 19 years old and I go to the number one school I chose when looking at colleges and I am miserable. I live day to day in awful monotony attempting to avoid talking to other people and staying alone in my dorm. I don't have any real friends at college after more than half a year and the one friend from highschool that came to my college I know talks to me but she constantly tells me stories of her sexual experiences with guys at my school which poisons my mind because I haven't even kissed a girl before. My depression has slowly taken over my life and even the distractions I used to use from the dread of the next day haven't been nearly enough. I have been put on so many antidepressants already but none have helped. I see a therapist but i'm too scared to tell him how bad the issues are and how little I understand them. Whenever I think of the future I get extreme dread and panic at the thought of working painfully until rhe grave and I also hate the present pressure at college. I wish I could just leave this college and travel the world until I'm 21 and if I don't find purpose in life by then, put a bullet in my head. Some days I'm not sure if I'm even sane anymore. ",5.644883720930233,5.5426068992248085,5.982341085271318,82.80723255813956,67.2170542635659,8.74046511627907,31.153488372093026,8.238735603445708,2.112351627906977,1012,36,205,12,15,325,152,258,0.231,0.7240000000000001,0.045,-0.9947,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,10,19,2,8,15,1,15,7,1,4,1,39,35,24,1,5,7,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,2,4,14,0,1,6,2,0,7,6,14,0,3,5,2,33,5,35,29,4,41,0,3,2,2,14,16,0,3,16,137,37,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836097103451446,0.12611226663920075,0.0913907217888543,0.09509120425398447,0.0,0.0,0.07771520922288258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333635055937065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542011976370353,0.06966482545164712,0.0,0.09724497703043332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070737299442042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349749621538302,0.0,0.0912443263515734,0.0,0.0,0.2948079610645571,0.0,0.09843032427472853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180831418657,0.0,0.2264451810150431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178904939648517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445104635439803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765869122149019,0.0,0.05970726734197804,0.0,0.06494870171056097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131564635264242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282913323866972,0.11728559353927315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660035270261131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927999573251408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280601889769766,0.0,0.0,0.12100740567045945,0.0,0.0,0.16144053697045505,0.0,0.11453989473382095,0.10091248987605074,0.0,0.0959675173606366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314334351770707,0.0,0.0,0.11586331050790474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539154449209275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215394689740912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199190099647391,0.0,0.15487994566184676,0.0,0.12160337056697873,0.1340844932244351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792282705361459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297685611881481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007714938923834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114415527182888,0.2313175724758376,0.0910674074913432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180867014220192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770878158727043,0.0,0.0,0.18370997509356132,0.199773803027942,0.0,0.0,0.13268940837250115,0.0,0.07322684854673214,0.0,0.09072659426820084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189708733676405,0.0,0.19740471725491068,0.0,0.0,0.06740607717414615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141786578404094,0.0,0.0,0.08319815428184865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471868327074605
suicidewatch,RedGeckoChainsaw,2019/02/09,"Never able to please my parents This will be a mess but I cant do this anymore. Every time I attempt anything I fail. My family has a delusion that I'm smart.  Then they call me a monster, a bitch, lazy, an asshole, a dumbass, a McDonald's employee, stupid, etc, when I inevitably fail. They call me an asshole for not thinking that material objects equals love. They call me a bitch for not wanting to talk (be insulted and belittled) to them. They'll hit me and when I defend myself I'm told I started attacking them. They get mad for me not being this fantasy in their head. They get angry when told I don't wanna go to college, end up in debt and have a useless degree and work at some boring job.
I used to love, I mean love love science. Figuring out how and why the universe worked. Now I can barely stand it. We can't afford college, but I still have to go. The only way is to win a scholarship. But I can't. There others who actually want and deserve thise scolarships and college. There are those who can change the world. But I'm not one of those people. Why is that so hard to accept? 
Everything I do is wrong. My passions are wrong. My height is wrong. My dreams are wrong. Me friends are wrong. My aspirations are wrong. My ideas are wrong. My art style is wrong. My mental capacity is wrong. My opinions are wrong. Fuck even the way I play Minecraft is wrong.
If everything is wrong why can't I die? I've tried and failed before. Everything I do fails. God I just want an end already. ",0.7392530657748041,3.230107852842813,2.3571906354515018,91.81788182831663,89.20066889632109,5.4746934225195085,21.713489409141587,7.010146845296331,0.7579369007803791,1164,42,241,18,39,379,156,299,0.318,0.532,0.15,-0.9971,5,0,0,0,1,0,47.0,1,0,9,8,11,36,7,0,16,0,33,7,1,2,1,34,55,19,1,5,10,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,0,5,4,2,2,10,26,0,1,2,1,44,10,18,47,3,23,0,5,0,6,25,7,3,3,11,156,56,11,0.06268598423927246,0.0,0.0611724780555921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691755423937818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216765213891764,0.0,0.0,0.05158522383691104,0.0,0.0,0.0713143567146846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334115554672034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202819586449885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631345946026293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505815479980526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104235170024844,0.0,0.06991144271837625,0.04140350138444175,0.0,0.05281564534591802,0.0,0.16901436185598234,0.0,0.059094767031057774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484310359239547,0.0579521823207146,0.06550167899286663,0.0,0.07125177888450446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615432909626848,0.0,0.06433390473638442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076484604191262,0.0,0.0,0.06220616675143228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263061928006836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828341386256039,0.0,0.0,0.06317272821234307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834729551367376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04247764524655444,0.04767551575260082,0.0,0.0,0.06960536711162979,0.0,0.0,0.04345856857001066,0.0,0.0,0.06881038644695057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436946228754726,0.0,0.0500611079882699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503846196286469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04016664755142023,0.0,0.0,0.0365527015172514,0.0,0.0,0.11979828857892567,0.0,0.042559668482391434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541405636069778,0.0,0.0,0.1109214529265135,0.09951443299348313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696930517844453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127228622531867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8224473978597361,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohhthehumanitea,2019/02/09,"The logistics are wrong. At this point in my life (28/f living with congestive heart failure) suicide is a comforting thought, it has been for some time now but what stops me is not being able to decide what to do. I can't leave myself for someone I care about to find me and I never want to traumatize a stranger who's only mistake was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can't fail, I can't mess it up, I've lived through one hospitalization and ""recovery"" and I can't do it again. It pains me to think about my mom hurting but I know she'd still try to live her life and she still has my younger sister. If it were a perfect world I'd have everyone convinced it was an accident. ",3.530625000000001,4.3164619236111115,4.530166666666666,88.2315,72.125,7.982222222222222,27.594444444444445,8.238735603445708,1.5712911111111114,543,19,121,8,10,177,91,144,0.202,0.655,0.14300000000000002,-0.825,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,0,7,0,19,5,1,0,2,20,24,7,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,5,0,17,4,17,16,1,16,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,2,8,84,27,1,0.1542504024631566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726856556161334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739286980932256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098207336966728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182787469605572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512824611951504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477198719722633,0.0,0.0,0.16332890420860285,0.0,0.0,0.21790324197215508,0.0,0.0,0.4086177941200344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065620708832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896741961526384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045240647408276,0.11731438186257295,0.16413330368280002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115884004938033,0.0,0.1458164884638916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069586544555686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463691413208892,0.1289602433350092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687249044412984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988374295401227,0.0,0.1224575896185932,0.17988930025028838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472589801014176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098088386289098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50594580137884,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sklts_Alt,2019/02/09,"I’m going to break I’m a 15 year old gay high school kid. My parents are very religious and said to my face that they would rather not have a kid rather than have a gay child. I have less than a 2.0 gpa and I have zero friends. Even in video games I get called a girl and get bullied off of whatever game I’m playing. The only person that’s ever been nice to me was some girl who lives in Massachusetts, she was the only one keeping me going. She recently messaged me that she won’t be able to talk with me anymore for reasons regarding her parents. I really don’t have any reason to keep going, no really wants me here anyway. ",2.285919500346978,3.8876411450381703,3.8270645385149216,88.83582234559334,76.48091603053436,6.9010409437890345,22.596113809854263,7.686295010490155,0.8903221374045795,494,14,106,7,11,164,85,131,0.05,0.888,0.062,0.1027,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,13,3,1,2,1,15,25,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,6,4,4,0,2,2,4,0,3,4,0,0,2,4,1,16,3,13,18,2,12,0,0,0,2,21,4,0,1,4,68,20,2,0.16823632080351222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440646721564872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684522378914293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178809348868707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111850321618956,0.15217938387791388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997896412455584,0.0,0.1757930678435254,0.0,0.286837734360511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777509097438746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29907234384434583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148555753501781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653571828800255,0.0,0.11400128496666415,0.25590260598006176,0.0,0.0,0.3736130496520795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689746614822755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155529900878564,0.3459499150113462,0.16611307061249878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003126681395455,0.0,0.0,0.1702641383616593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352219819832944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881258379574427,0.09923014086268196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951025536296185,0.0,0.0,0.10833867475301806
suicidewatch,idontthinkiloveyou,2019/02/09,"I (14m) am probably going to end it after I go to my friends birthday party and see my best friends for the last time. My parents expect too much from me. No videogames, cant go with friends outside of home. All grades above 95 or Im considered a brainless idiot. Read a lot. Take tests. Do honors society. Volunteering hours. Sports. Math Club. ",0.8302985074626896,3.3903470298507514,2.1692686567164188,91.44345522388063,93.6268656716418,5.068059701492538,24.610447761194035,6.742157984588678,1.1367325373134332,269,12,53,4,10,86,57,67,0.071,0.675,0.253,0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,7,8,4,8,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,5,28,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366166510554806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720538106916768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160658477806715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37961824452453496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334014359255733,0.0,0.2192693667610463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24050455722636602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814927495768009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929249192111255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636763290475237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723094811180146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400586999986794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271428075251945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742643273213055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740811897715674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298313539193709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingawaythrowa,2019/02/09,"51/50 Here I am. Waiting in the psychiatric emergency room. 

This is so destructive. ",2.8607142857142835,3.884974357142859,3.4749999999999983,76.38250000000002,126.85714285714286,9.971428571428572,32.07142857142857,8.07648339933343,5.226628571428573,67,4,10,3,4,21,14,14,0.412,0.588,0.0,-0.8279,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clarion5,2019/02/09,"I have been fighting for 14 years and it only gets worse I have been suicidal for 14 years. I’ve had numerous therapists and psychiatrists. I participated in 4 psychotherapy groups over 5 years, did Dialectical Behavior therapy for about 2 years, and spent thousands of dollars on transcranial magnetic stimulation. I've been on over a dozen medications. I’ve called the suicide hotline numerous times (they hung up on me at least twice and one volunteer told me that I would go to hell if I killed myself). 



I asked a previous therapist about when I could give up and he said, “Never.” I don’t agree. I’ve spent years of my life and thousands of dollars “seeking help"" and it has only gotten worse. I have no fight left in me and no real reason to live.



I managed to obtain reliably lethal drugs. I feel like I am already dead inside and killing my body is just a formality. I hate myself and every day I want to curl up into a ball and die. Life is unbearable and there is nothing left I want out of life.",4.824138438880709,6.189605670103093,5.932842415316642,77.20814432989691,69.61855670103093,9.666568483063331,30.3519882179676,9.957137785484203,3.0309349042709863,796,32,151,20,14,265,118,194,0.251,0.7120000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9933,0,0,1,0,3,1,19.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,6,0,5,0,16,6,1,2,1,25,29,14,7,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,14,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,6,0,5,10,2,23,1,26,17,1,25,1,0,0,0,11,15,1,1,10,98,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676613839016452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586315922360725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766463505626686,0.0,0.0,0.1265522172606217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895258009134544,0.0,0.0,0.07992828032508073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862570057070827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143726077192633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442118139712604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266561907874646,0.08853969634261695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475129347689658,0.11889042665307367,0.07043552037504155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236085562643895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307149429351615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274233002123619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693130241720748,0.0,0.2626183726153944,0.060548727914312525,0.0,0.10943750297636788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124852189627739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558686032952107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891965678651385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398204491419782,0.18851738518001968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410659715256976,0.0,0.1274265518544003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178912416748242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711311034079608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173128605764554,0.28779782446224944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722679094554112,0.0,0.0,0.11842588252812172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620098622938854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25260215424091303,0.08804037284785353,0.0,0.0,0.3990526708410868
suicidewatch,CrazyJay5000,2019/02/09,"An Interesting Situation So I don't really vent much, but I've been thinking about suicide lately. I've never self harmed or anything. I tried to suffocate myself with a belt but I panicked and undid the noose. I've been hospitalized twice, and I'm seeing a therapist, but if I told her I was suicidal she'd want to send me back to the hospital like the last time. I just want to feel validated and like I'm loved and I matter to somebody. I have a couple of friends and I think people would miss me, but I'll never know until I try. And if I succeed it feels like it would be fine so I wouldn't have to go through this pain anymore. I understand how it feels to be suicidal, I wanted to vent and not come off as pretentious. I'm lonely and I don't see a point in continuing to try to make my life better or get back on track. If I were to attempt suicide again, I'd want it to be successful and give my family a proper goodbye so they wouldn't have any questions or regrets about my decision",1.8562090007627745,3.753035922705319,4.050251716247143,85.42901601830665,78.66183574879227,7.449682176455632,24.421306890414442,8.371475516178862,1.5901265700483087,784,28,165,16,19,270,115,207,0.179,0.62,0.201,-0.4370000000000001,0,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,1,4,10,15,0,0,9,0,17,3,0,2,2,46,41,25,4,12,12,0,3,3,1,4,2,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,9,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,5,5,25,10,22,28,1,17,0,3,2,1,10,4,0,7,13,109,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828425356511214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081381180941507,0.0,0.0,0.10024839784608323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873458357939267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774087656482507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493810382811453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347927467169358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484210545796142,0.0,0.18478924823728293,0.08702902892546663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941186912894336,0.0,0.0636465046272108,0.11686191400648747,0.06923374704583503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669496989285019,0.09930046800509773,0.13741952391921292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604585623101689,0.17854693015877915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994831253733033,0.0,0.08131654024554988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955253647142393,0.0,0.18791190790448448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962625542961645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445542245976223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151603297768196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646752891652025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804172570244593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415131290762727,0.0,0.127085991184526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369320374094088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330101099460732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144370392286787,0.0,0.1561161031929836,0.0,0.0,0.07103487183918311,0.0,0.0,0.1164052959497556,0.0,0.2481256216921169,0.0,0.0,0.1268200770088365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874129997069997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307644981151166,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SentimentalHedgegog,2019/02/09,"My boyfriend won't answer my calls, I don't know why but fuck this I'm done. I don't know what to say. I'm supposed to come live with him and marry him. I have no idea what's going on and I don't want to continue in this world, fuck this, why? For what? I've been miserable for years. ",-1.949811965811964,-0.08692940000000249,0.4789743589743623,104.49213675213676,96.84615384615385,4.11965811965812,13.376068376068375,5.82211442006289,-1.242059829059829,219,4,59,2,9,73,40,65,0.276,0.7240000000000001,0.0,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,10,16,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,1,8,0,8,13,0,7,0,1,0,2,4,3,2,0,2,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682707027592745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263135678177425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26885799255207954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485768434399563,0.0,0.0,0.14931217294528787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965835547147185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887726131139336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199021295082264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089287666946586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496149403326698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741353117508018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918572074329827
suicidewatch,SupremeMystique,2019/02/09,"I'm done. My life is garbage and not worth living I tried to do my best to get out of my incel life. I worked out hard, I tried talking to girls.

No women likes me, they are always uncomfortable around me. I'm always uninteresting to them but some douchebag with a criminal record is super appealing.

I'm short and ugly. No women finds that desirable.

I tried dressing well that means nothing if you're short and unattractive.

I tried working out so fucking hard that I tore my shoulder up. Now I can't even lift according to my doctor.

I'm going to look like shit unless I take steroids.

I might even have aspergers. I have no idea how to talk to people even though I've tried 1000 times. People always find me uninteresting.",2.112852112676056,4.716081183098595,3.1613908450704247,88.20433978873241,82.23943661971829,5.803521126760564,21.551056338028168,7.1686216300943375,0.7409422535211272,576,18,113,8,16,184,88,142,0.226,0.6579999999999999,0.116,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,4,9,7,2,0,1,0,9,6,2,1,0,20,19,9,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,2,1,0,1,3,20,5,16,17,2,10,0,0,1,1,7,7,2,3,4,68,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429708787352515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223106577787284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441875503763801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062957952877442,0.0,0.14060276263399513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27224425689486825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25115303729740635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270194410600216,0.07178320402261157,0.0,0.07808473094555939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24615782216570645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510220376514353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409226914530936,0.1342484900547506,0.0,0.12132228071522215,0.0,0.11537717575962125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966340722931384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575435684507598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183418472483627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050475298695568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410339681133398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330392269322523,0.2208657540396007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498986601002216,0.0,0.08011611521824441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664108482072534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235345836066483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005035731788698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SupImAJ,2019/02/09,"I’m thinking of setting a date. Should I set the date for September 17? The day my boyfriend broke up with me and I found out he was using me for attention from other girls? The day I realized I was too ugly to date anyone? The day I realized I’m annoying and stupid?
Or should it be June 4? My birthday, the day I was born for nothing?
Even if I set one, I probably won’t even follow through cause I’m a coward and a lazy sack of shit. <3
Love you all, enjoy your days of life",-0.5490440627333797,1.5866739611650509,1.9349514563106816,95.30181478715464,90.94174757281552,5.499327856609411,19.57356235997013,7.010146845296331,0.3576996265870056,370,12,86,6,13,126,66,103,0.205,0.727,0.068,-0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,3,6,3,0,8,0,7,3,1,2,1,17,15,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,4,0,14,2,12,7,1,16,0,1,0,1,5,2,1,2,10,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274553547423006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440864254205428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7044118877257777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28856873805662664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395194887534087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542979137906237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715993299854287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096089633956608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802758310944905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23552638086524602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423610326498755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399741375524599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867092872984514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheSadWorm,2019/02/09,"It’s weird to think that some people haven’t experienced depression and that not everyone always wants to die. As someone who’s wanted to die from a really young age, it’s almost hard for me to believe that there are people who don’t wake up every day hoping it’s their last. Does anyone else sometimes forget that “normal” people exist? ",6.477,7.073814507692307,6.904423076923077,74.50432692307693,65.46153846153845,8.961538461538463,25.48076923076923,8.841846274778883,1.9158461538461533,273,6,46,4,4,89,49,65,0.232,0.728,0.04,-0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,10,7,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,8,7,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146863473179644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741110923345956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068085381006856,0.2061489794337136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266788855857404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975471327729046,0.0,0.17328973692486346,0.0,0.4176191663266842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606789104456724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807336053368307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695162262612628,0.19225130791691405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023201069090344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983292935711972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400151466460655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971292675580872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41845171981452856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889124773897176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047263618482086,0.0,0.1989878931912294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891821106961426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373411134569189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donaldtrumpsass,2019/02/09,"Literally only not killing myself because of how sad it would make my brother. My girlfriend left me. I supported her through thousands of dollars in debt, her mom dying, her dad almost dying, school, everything. 
She asked for some time apart to grieve and within 24 hours had sex with 3 other guys on tinder. She was my best friend. I wanted to marry her. I don’t have anyone else here. I just found out I might have lymphoma. And I don’t have anyone to tell. I feel so alone. 
How do I make myself stop feeling this hurt...",1.66,4.237743529411766,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,84.29411764705883,4.576470588235295,20.264705882352946,5.985473137389443,0.10855294117647096,408,12,79,3,12,129,75,102,0.12,0.745,0.135,0.4019,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,4,0,19,18,5,4,2,2,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,3,2,20,3,12,13,2,9,0,3,0,1,14,6,0,3,3,56,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872933541767486,0.1848591037320179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496050617599817,0.1828814204269017,0.0,0.0,0.1668616126198082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108804254325386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873115006363829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704834559216458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910330865938748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604129543111055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049717141094032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957022069332439,0.13789891227460566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673057466620307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757741224391617,0.0,0.19107443911952732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746984837348935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392706799122747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382834333153211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893469112532644,0.0,0.20904227019935992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357477006012726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063876441534155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492234474901417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025453713547709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600584320195013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407743059309932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527648517576227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267923185202497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mel4ncholi4,2019/02/09,"Why do people care so much about your death? Does it just stem from human primal instincts for survival? What use does it have? There are already so many people on this planet anyways.

As someone who’s been wanting to commit suicide for a long time, I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite trying to prevent people from killing themselves.
Maybe it’s just my messed up head who sees it as I described above... but when people online (or irl!) get angry or desperately try to talk someone out of it I can’t help but be confused.",3.4460784313725483,5.5691224313725485,3.753529411764706,88.33754901960786,74.68627450980392,4.925490196078432,26.03921568627451,5.033348758259628,0.6484627450980391,416,15,77,1,9,129,75,102,0.218,0.669,0.113,-0.948,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,1,8,5,1,1,2,0,7,1,1,1,1,14,13,10,3,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,14,11,1,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976753739892992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826358646367767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135172702101979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057395224776636,0.12797113228053567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358848838607614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838399561302159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013529804394415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818177179335014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751429685682192,0.0,0.0,0.1585251866975911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161059067959925,0.17996103990360798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168180355840547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967471738039413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274411454033364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303554016721156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959401021962112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397861128005626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445265324571422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323621016879984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471156117689944,0.0,0.0,0.1056560306910629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616377518898501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KickMyBallsLadies_,2019/02/09,"I'm sorry for everyone who came into my life. This isn't really a post for ""suicide watch"" it is a goodbye post. I'm not active in this community at all, but I have no where else to write my goodbye. I've been through a lot, and I really mean a lot. From the daily physical abuse from my father the 6 years I lived with him, losing the love of my life and our unborn child, to being alone on this earth without any family, nor friends. I live across the country from my hometown, I have no connections with any blood relatives. I'm just really tired of being alone, I've tried and tried and tried to get better. I admitted myself to a healthcare center for outpatient services I've been in therapy since September, I've been taking the meds my psychiatrist prescribed. I'm just really tired guys. I've tried living off the whole ""it gets better"" saying but time and time again I've fallen lower than where I was standing. I don't even want to be happy anymore, I just want the pain and battles to stop.

To those who think it's selfish to take my own life, I actually think it's selfish of others to force me to stay here and suffer, I'm finally doing something for myself. Falling into nothingness. 

Thank you to those who read this. Goodbye, I hope the rest of you find love. ",3.908777455449652,5.273888070866144,5.1402196435971845,82.02038334024039,71.83464566929135,8.18201409034397,25.966846249481968,8.6894789155246,1.8550425196850395,1006,32,195,18,19,334,136,254,0.242,0.6459999999999999,0.112,-0.9868,1,2,1,0,1,1,31.0,1,2,0,3,8,14,1,0,13,0,13,9,1,0,1,32,33,10,1,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,14,12,0,1,5,1,0,3,8,6,0,0,5,2,25,8,35,25,6,24,0,2,1,2,16,11,0,3,6,128,39,2,0.0,0.1265713917577367,0.10424680740665287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212791254711836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529074391958893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594272891086674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895790651043576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122180533566285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923945069223739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055759341419095,0.0,0.0,0.1020768613115898,0.0,0.0,0.10070608537109182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702270768322208,0.09763706731128237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253353525879695,0.0,0.1116243960000498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577457700662804,0.0,0.11371830841095278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610236380961864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263631786148716,0.0,0.0,0.2829880573856655,0.0,0.0,0.11951101624873847,0.0,0.18163936199284933,0.1928293478186885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636487715161932,0.11865965074663687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367044076363135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461963808452333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685495090698836,0.0,0.27374199244282515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495235649077082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836760606966311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223990638213773,0.0,0.11958300833632685,0.0,0.11386234739496405,0.0,0.08931135468524537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168503516672576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606397782332868,0.0,0.0,0.09835106718418486,0.12216488930942995,0.0,0.0,0.1368996288709619,0.0,0.0,0.12458224863144765,0.2455616416709162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29011148180349194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601753498785295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926746120853075,0.0,0.10297649264514744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879246878788052
suicidewatch,Throwawayy16788,2019/02/09,"I feel a strong urge to do it tonight. It’s currently 2am, I’m alone upstairs in my room while my parents n my brother are downstairs watching a movie. I live in a 6th floor, I’d say more or less 15m above the ground and I can’t stop thinking about jumping off my room’s window. I keep staring at it, the temptation is so strong. It could be so simple. I want it so bad. I’ve got generalized anxiety and OCD which have made my life a living hell ever since I can remember. I have zero friends due to my socially awkwardness and extremely unlikeable personality. The person I love just told me they didn’t love me back. I absolutely despise myself and feel like I don’t deserve to live. Oh god please give me the courage to jump. The only thing that’s keeping me from doing is surviving the fall n becoming disabled forever but tbh I’m starting to think that it is worth taking that risk. ",2.213087422814432,4.289976906077353,3.9479883002924936,85.72105297367567,78.2817679558011,7.352746181345466,27.22164445888853,8.313332769828598,1.9500501137471569,704,30,144,14,17,236,120,181,0.09,0.772,0.138,0.7466,2,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,7,12,2,2,10,0,14,3,0,1,1,20,31,10,0,2,3,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,3,2,11,4,0,3,5,0,1,3,3,5,0,1,4,5,22,7,11,25,2,19,1,0,2,2,12,8,1,1,9,84,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654305583900497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219186824746743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282136000686268,0.13336662884889494,0.0,0.1764075832687474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275302130958615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444835763598078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152706170004338,0.11411007506417087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340584584916656,0.0,0.0,0.1532261355098358,0.0,0.0,0.12774947600364653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28394806660281496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282096600079405,0.07803527878168964,0.0,0.4231295857785069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883224218796812,0.1511389724144913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148072481833767,0.0,0.0,0.17735960092903644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789375370886889,0.0,0.17533393165546332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094125764868502,0.0,0.0,0.12702251729252198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212906897175944,0.0,0.0,0.1628230945880837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130566571416084,0.0,0.0,0.1335401813857584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200959564360133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611652049657247,0.2046951514227951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262743044127808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421200999229813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClinicalClamaity,2019/02/09,"My parents found one of my suicide notes and brushed it off as a phase, this was the last straw I've had depression since I was 16 I parents never believed me they ridiculed me and brushed it off my dad was the biggest problem he made me feel worthless every weekend when he was home and every weekend I would add to my suicide note they found it and just brushed it off.",9.658800000000003,6.221516746666667,8.32,79.94000000000003,61.53333333333333,10.533333333333333,45.0,6.42735559955562,3.4974000000000007,296,15,61,1,3,90,46,75,0.245,0.755,0.0,-0.9674,2,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,10,6,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,8,4,12,0,6,1,0,9,0,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373812486649475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710416067115874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346341014526787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041091688400162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43547802729053897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919768872533866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618738828343361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790662861467536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316156496737526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456683673756334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410119260520268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001973341237824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427217610286404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344411351741965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106961186090894,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DissTrackDead,2019/02/09,"A rather odd response to my suicidal thoughts The concepts of good and bad are human-fabricated, yet we arrogantly stigmatize topics like suicide as negative. Yeah, it sucks for everyone who has to deal with your passing, but I've actually had some positive (perhaps selfish) experiences that I really want everyone here to experience as well before they go. I don't want to deter you, but if you have a death date, back it up for, like, just one more week and:

**Try some psychedelics**

I found out about a drug called DMT a while back, and its description was just too intriguing to pass up despite my hesitance towards any type of substance. I'll let you do your own research on it, but if you know your death is right around the corner, don't pass this up even if you think if won't matter posthumously. You don't even need to worry about adverse effects from any drug, really (probably still shouldn't shoot up heroin or anything crazy like that, though, because if you end up wanting to live, you don't want a bad addiction on your hands). 

**Take a (moderate) risk**

While I don't condone doing anything illegal or immoral, there's really nothing stopping you from doing it, just like nothing is prohibiting you from taking your own life. My own ethical values prevent me from ruining other people's lives, and I hope yours do too (don't shoot up a school, don't rob a bank, etc.). But do something weird, different, or risky. I, for example, hitchhiked halfway across the country and back. I have debilitating anxiety around strangers, a fear of being away from home, and a hatred of being unproductive, so this was practically my nightmare. But it was one of the greatest goddamn experiences of my life... because I knew that even though I ""wasted"" what little money I had left and had some awkward encounters with strangers, it wouldn't matter when I was dead relatively soon. I faced my fears. I was free and careless.

**Analyze your sense of freedom**

Savor that liberating feeling of ""I can do whatever the hell I want right now, because this cruel god of ours did at least one nice thing for us: gave us a literal kill-switch"". I quit my shit job and, after my cross-country adventure, worked really hard on developing cryptocurrency trading algorithms. Needless to say, crypto died. And I lost everything. But in the process, I got to talk to five different billionaires in person, one of which knew Trump. I'm literally one degree of separation to the President because of this endeavor. I could've kept working ten-hour days, making just enough money for the rest of my miserable life. Instead, my wallet is empty, but my book of crazy stories is overflowing. AND I had a chance to make it big. Luckier ones out there (yes, you) may strike gold if you pursue something you think will solve your depression.

**Remember, don't shoot up heroin or schools. Live your last days with some cool, moderate-risk experiences. Enjoy your freedom and act on it. If you end up solving your problem in the process, great. If you don't (like me), only then should you kill yourself.**

By the way, I should be gone in about a week. Thanks for reading. Hope this outline gives as much joy to someone's final days as it did mine.

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suicidewatch,sadgirlposts,2019/02/09,"Taking all the pills & meds & drinking all the alcohol in my apartment tonight. I don’t know if I’ll die but I really want to right now. Text gives no justice to the constant crying that I can’t stop.. 

I feel like an empty shell. The past 6 years of my life has been a disgusting lie. I just broke up with my boyfriend after finding he’s been cheating on me with prostitutes, strippers and girls that I know for years. I feel disgusting. He’s made me have 2 abortions. He has made me feel like I’m a horrible, unworthy person for years. He’s abused me in all ways. He’s controlled me completely to where I can’t have a job and fully depend on him. I was happy before him.. I was independent and had a lot going for myself. He dragged me down to his level for his own selfishness and now I see him for the truly disgusting thing he is. And I want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I wish I had a gun I would shoot myself. I devoted my life to this undeserving excuse of a man and it was all a sick lie. I feel like dirt. ",1.3044036697247705,3.062201504587158,3.329807339449541,90.60361009174316,79.8256880733945,6.745321100917431,22.367889908256878,7.7348632917899725,0.8887644036697249,800,25,180,13,20,271,116,218,0.289,0.568,0.14300000000000002,-0.9919,1,0,2,2,1,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,4,0,13,0,18,6,0,5,4,34,35,8,2,6,3,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,8,2,2,7,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,9,5,35,5,23,24,6,22,0,1,1,0,17,10,0,3,13,114,40,1,0.0,0.15666918839152508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141312087570841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28653911861304715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311351729956331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125167417417596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863910017375214,0.1428920681740868,0.14830554239184734,0.0,0.0,0.14524683355927645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27446468029338306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953362154876466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674348754490188,0.2833922692991374,0.0,0.0,0.12085448283499887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684565680301854,0.07514852201099037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407597312203221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121641493096758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533868635556882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867938453959522,0.1938005450167087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241596947058403,0.0,0.2502356684864485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687609039553035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262270958779366,0.0,0.1154568539541346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847089835805549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292244394526753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536902041313986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054897365328006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994194001096826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784676122811093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339754425009007,0.10495685406457066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520562862598917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393135539546747,0.0,0.0,0.2554525182059028
suicidewatch,Randothebando,2019/02/09,"Trying to find reasons to live... I’ve been in this tunnel for a while, and it keeps getting darker and darker, and there’s no way out, except suicide. I’m not seeing myself ever being normal, and it’s just getting worse. But there’s a single thing keeping me alive; my best friend was suicidal for a long time, he probably still is, and I’m scared I’ll push him over the edge. I don’t want to be the cause of his death. But the thoughts of death keep coming. When I see a knife, I think of slitting my wrists in the dead of night, of poisoning myself with my brother’s pain meds, of strangling myself with the belt in my closet, of throwing myself off the freeway bridge so no one can save me. I want to die so badly, but I’m waiting until his birthday is over. I can’t kill myself on my best friend’s birthday. ",3.981006493506496,4.451371321428574,4.835411255411255,87.59746753246756,70.90476190476191,6.823376623376625,25.391774891774894,6.11248444174946,0.7478261904761903,634,17,133,3,11,206,102,168,0.203,0.698,0.099,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,2,1,10,0,9,3,1,2,1,29,25,13,7,3,6,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,4,9,0,4,4,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,3,2,20,5,25,20,3,20,0,0,2,0,7,8,0,0,8,92,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558659088522872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156933468672337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451314643852715,0.0,0.12956543688960442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610248404593394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605502328841562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747258815570693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23241375461419705,0.0,0.15716668927100366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010756286735991,0.16640707358222745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281533928753356,0.1331086717446914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670722989434512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115018434005308,0.14737047925573962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192213350983256,0.0,0.16004751186100669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621680955088359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546471754060151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505872769686138,0.0,0.23971559197191755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201181210120037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290496266011094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992613715134374,0.09637705646384236,0.0,0.11940923680442507,0.08770564617134825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211894251714364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743216961393352,0.11938895467068995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153281278847862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LPNinja,2019/02/09,"i‘m freaking our I‘m freaking our because of my very important exam on Friday (it‘s Arabic) and if I fail I‘ll have to wait for another whole year to be ablw to study

I just want ro die, It‘s so much and I‘m studying for 2 months now and I still don‘t know half of the grammar and and none of the vocabulary


I‘m having constant panic attacks and I have the impuls just to stab myself with my scissors, i dont know what I should do


im just crying and no one can help me nor do they think it‘s serious but i‘m freaking out so hard and feel so lonely


i hate myself to death, I just hope I die, i really want to die",1.434069767441862,3.2798259922480604,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534884,79.77519379844959,5.850387596899225,20.82751937984496,6.816661863887847,0.3178263565891473,479,13,105,5,12,159,79,129,0.331,0.605,0.063,-0.9915,0,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,2,0,1,1,9,10,2,1,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,25,24,14,4,5,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,0,2,18,1,14,22,3,7,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063176036786011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682223628987176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082278390432453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645978077275056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969730611098002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660349620100147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306669124732774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192287170497776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285590245892506,0.1794885520771185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218558186218182,0.0,0.0,0.180567103072922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637376407029056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982359289829826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510996663946193,0.0,0.13364294296518234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319148607577934,0.0,0.0,0.21330157251088191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164648853947816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518465540825334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648924919968096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000294504414455,0.2144591356133801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029717264351295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707238515958412
suicidewatch,YoyoyoImJoe,2019/02/09,It's not just realistic to live anymore. I'm totally fucked.,0.8024999999999984,3.2773742500000047,4.449999999999998,73.84500000000001,98.16666666666666,9.066666666666668,31.0,8.841846274778883,4.1432,49,3,9,2,2,18,12,12,0.343,0.657,0.0,-0.6901,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6129366660423708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5713746007676858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5457469276307754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seecooty,2019/02/09,My friends abandoned ne I don't talk to people in real life so I don't have friends all I have is internet friends but they hate me for some reason now I dont even know why but I have nobody now and I dont know what do to j just want to kill myself more than I ever before and I aim in os much mental pain j know it is pathetic and I probably dont have it that CV bad but I cant take it,-2.1867753623188406,-0.42267583695652,1.1239130434782645,100.65985507246378,95.41304347826087,4.371014492753623,15.27536231884058,5.985473137389443,-0.8187855072463766,301,7,80,3,12,107,55,92,0.28,0.644,0.076,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,2,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,2,17,19,7,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,14,3,7,19,4,5,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136946520821458,0.0,0.0,0.1440730784138757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5953014932186259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182978397130827,0.1531534994747339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924329177810344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716175021952245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731999040154265,0.0,0.2791503508509092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959093339516895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062790132815114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446469700724518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016120192619312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738046716775538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825482862009535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271551000463694,0.0,0.1740821876683391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730246900267894,0.136087551538948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986532301039346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277884468661113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,averysadpanda11,2019/02/09,"I have people that need me, animals that need me, a few friends, and medicine. I still don’t want to be here. I don’t know if I actively want to kill myself. But often I feel like I have to focus on the things that need me around to stay. 


I have several plans for suicide, if I ever do commit. I am more just at a useless impasse of not wanting to exist or have responsibility to anything, and also having a loving partner and a young sister and people I support relying on me to be around. It’s mentally exhausting. Im tired. 


I’m so tired. ",1.8325000000000031,3.606915821428572,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,78.28571428571428,6.98,25.485714285714288,7.908726449838941,1.548979285714286,420,16,86,7,10,148,69,112,0.173,0.665,0.162,-0.6444,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,5,0,11,4,0,0,2,23,22,10,2,8,6,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,15,4,14,20,2,9,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,4,4,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986626020618326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392655592248085,0.31139347556419555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820569839834026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843393225140248,0.12494751704413165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512614042987053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889203832043094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934992671214504,0.0,0.09611963676088578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544656832567632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785271678139587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762565425435581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890550452338716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425051840184921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975855121551941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864185206113136,0.13967416098056284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131056217522996,0.19847273514821728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619478600774835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020401740040216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30947898468180113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Attamgits,2019/02/09,"Limbo I've always been empatic. I feel like this is the only way for me to feel genuine emotion, through others. I've tried to be the source of my own happiness. But my reliance on others seems to just set me up to be consistently let down. I feel nothing but negativity and no alternate perspective provides any lasting comfort. I feel that every positive emotion is akin to infatuation and nothing of true substance. I'm at a loss. I live on my own but my mom has done so much for me, and I feel like an investment at this point. Financially to me I feel like I owe her my existence in the sense that I can not just kill myself. And I don't necessarily want to die, I'm just tired of being alive. I don't enjoy life, I care immensely, I just don't know why I do. It feels forced to me. If I sit and contemplate I don't think about killing myself. I just resort to carving grid like patterns on my stomach, legs and arms. X's on my hands and collar bone. Crosses on my face. I do this to establish a barrier. I know people will avoid me or hope they understand I am in an extreme amount of non-communicatable pain. I don't even know what I expect from this post. I just feel so disconnected. I don't feel human. ",1.9846511220196348,3.955128092741937,4.174088359046284,84.34145862552597,78.55645161290323,7.377559607293127,25.298737727910236,8.321376580360154,1.6691424964936892,949,36,199,19,23,327,136,248,0.145,0.69,0.165,0.7483,1,1,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,1,1,10,15,2,1,7,0,20,9,6,0,1,40,41,14,3,4,12,1,10,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,10,7,0,2,15,0,2,1,9,5,0,0,2,10,41,10,30,34,4,18,0,1,0,0,4,12,0,4,5,135,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100568618569662,0.0,0.0,0.08254893916009398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376456030073554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259830086912017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242234784348612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273093421721823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017653883380535,0.0,0.10227578582763823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524030483960379,0.2601617861210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292212493261092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205670414862743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685987212249397,0.0,0.2001372814170024,0.09894854409626837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412886263656675,0.0857409070734577,0.23721887247181084,0.0,0.1071890440824928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216977153724394,0.0,0.0,0.0892351595313778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23295276275295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232209142573793,0.1291668559986353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841561098483418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147521980307028,0.0,0.11625746829783012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050832999693004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778141146391931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951923206865918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241541895571611,0.0,0.0,0.12637062276037614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159859980188832,0.09635323746344183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953503207287553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,linksalu,2019/02/09,"Tired. Nobody is going to read all this and just the act of writing it is exhausting. I’m tired. I can barely eat. I can barely sleep. Even when I deliberately keep myself up for a long time, the longest I can manage is 4, maybe 5 hours. I wake up sobbing before I’ve even had a single conscious thought. 

I’m phenomenally lonely. Really, that’s it. It’s so fucking stereotypical and probably the reason for 90% of the threads on this board. I work from home, so I don’t meet people. I’m shy. My friends are all in relationships or married. Okay, so go on dates, find someone. What a shitshow that is. As a man, here’s the rundown on online dating – you do all the work. First, you search. Okay, there went a couple hours of your life, but now you found some people that look interesting! Okay, but now you have to be clever with your opening. Separate yourself from the herd! Funny, but not TOO funny. You start cracking too many jokes, you’ll come off weird or not serious. Oh boy, look, we have a date. 

Maybe the date goes well. The majority of them do. We kiss or sometimes end up in bed. That’s a good sign, right? There’s a lightness in my chest, a smile on my face. But it’s 2019, and it doesn’t matter, because they already had dates lined up for the rest of the week and surely they’re not going to cancel them, right? So they go on those too. But you’ll see some of them a few more times. Sometimes they confuse you with the others over text. Whoops. Time investment, gone.

And so I get older. 33, as of December. I regret thinking I had all the time in the world when I was younger. What time? The older you get, the smaller your dating pool gets. You’re left with the broken ones. They’re always drunk or high or have kids or mentally unstable (the irony, yes).

I turn my head to the side and glance at my female friends on their apps, with literally hundreds of sausages getting thrown at them. Laugh with them when they point out the rednecks or the creepy photos. Haha, so funny. I watch them take selfies incessantly and inwardly grit my teeth while I outwardly smile.

I feel my resentment growing. I made a Tinder, with no pictures of me. Just the places I’ve been. I give my stats and make it clear I’m only looking for sex. Because as long as my animal needs are taken care of, I can focus on me, right? I can take a break from dating and finding The One. I don’t need to worry about emotional attachment. So I fuck strangers, and some of them fall in love, and I hate them for it, because only the people I don’t care about seem to care about me.

I fill the void with traveling. Egypt, Bahamas, Dominican, Bali, blah blah blah. Oh wow, everyone says. That’s so amazing! You’re so lucky. Yeah, so lucky. 

It’s a crutch. A way to make myself feel special and worldly and sophisticated. I would trade it all for someone who loves me, who I love back. But it doesn’t happen, so instead I extend offers to online strangers and fly them with me. Look at these beautiful women on my arm. How deeply fulfilling.  

Don’t define your own happiness by other people, I tell myself. Work on you! Learn a new hobby, take a class! You smile and feel a certain peace, but time marches on and you know, in the back of your head, that the pool is getting smaller.

I look at myself in the mirror and hate myself. My confidence is an act. Everything is an act. It's why the first dates go well but fizzle out after. There's nothing of substance left after I go through my scripts.

Everyone thinks I’m fine. I smile, I joke, I lie through my teeth and add exclamation marks to my texts like I’m so happy-go-lucky. In reality, I dream about picking up my revolver and putting a bullet in my head, but then I think about the people that fuck it up by going in at the wrong angle or having the bullet change trajectory when it meets their skull. So I think about getting a shotgun (I’m in Florida, I can literally walk into a Walmart and walk out with one) to make sure that doesn’t happen...but hope makes me second-guess myself. And I hate it. I hate that tiny glimmer of “things can change”. So instead I sit here, alternating between setting goals for myself and thinking of ways to lift myself out of this and dry-firing my unloaded revolver against the side of my head, feeling a bizarre comfort in the feel of the cold metal. 

I’m tired. I look forward to the day that the last ember of hope snuffs itself out.",1.813410616843111,4.140165842105262,3.0204740111147466,90.51376958281996,81.08237986270021,5.6724218573188825,21.961375009429933,6.9166138994413675,0.5851798878467069,3422,108,704,40,91,1101,375,874,0.096,0.706,0.198,0.9987,0,2,0,3,0,0,147.0,2,17,15,6,45,51,8,1,60,6,38,27,12,8,9,116,114,65,0,6,22,0,5,4,2,3,5,1,2,4,37,43,2,1,19,8,2,21,11,16,2,5,11,17,107,35,109,99,14,122,0,3,9,8,53,56,4,17,43,452,144,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331244739939032,0.0,0.04773886813642977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823247301543738,0.0,0.1049220043664835,0.0,0.048820131912373735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548655666664956,0.0,0.12138589069673565,0.04942169317544785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348204825038481,0.0,0.03700078910884362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870682358110604,0.0,0.06453681639534617,0.050815380753404416,0.0,0.0,0.07578854932950081,0.0,0.0,0.10964457352591728,0.05156308392849116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504736912125496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487562478031784,0.09760275829918516,0.0,0.06290644894875047,0.08865235626136543,0.15912102896022706,0.17984990629493353,0.055037335793529436,0.26085083523067165,0.048121685925113636,0.0,0.0,0.06320274316546744,0.0,0.10146937298561408,0.061074543572353986,0.0,0.22657553475679415,0.2355246850936647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060617643333790626,0.057549719853715535,0.11396851627800285,0.11300154487784915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509956902506995,0.0,0.0,0.03153065814923331,0.04676658985533808,0.0,0.0,0.12467169781618567,0.0,0.04052419236232373,0.02802951224841041,0.0,0.0,0.10154646319083817,0.2890728343973831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534390948054402,0.054287647134005926,0.15318748692799702,0.058167139070124003,0.11527762556254023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781841231185604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508259113948721,0.0,0.055411126722437434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055050867149373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663213271302901,0.08726938680560818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887580504818184,0.0,0.059942493520905006,0.0,0.054235956974558464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185771492372018,0.0,0.0,0.057675634305570274,0.0,0.0,0.05738844910976571,0.0,0.03675456370801515,0.05898892047790383,0.0,0.06159704828029844,0.0,0.14698848875116854,0.0,0.04562525129480389,0.0,0.0,0.045718791678606624,0.05223015448854578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741435722092186,0.0,0.09722378325978136,0.0,0.11348657609758507,0.0,0.04060885032499699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814660223665773,0.0,0.12941189425330754,0.0,0.05014646367497444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038116020823587934,0.1838112627894436,0.0,0.04554769238875761,0.2007276773293177,0.1978252058990968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240526537233306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107991186414473,0.046021098295179835,0.0,0.10317029630330052,0.053185274584385635,0.05177013938436168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253045141540235,0.058264988439232,0.0,0.040756078518871856,0.06272828494709025,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,galaapplessuck,2019/02/09,Every time I take my meds I think about ODing on them I'm at a point where I think about ending it everyday. And I end up not doing it because I'm a coward and I have one person that's worth taking all this crap for. But I don't know how long I can be that strong. I was stable for a time. Slipped back into self harm after quite a bit. I had 6 anxiety attacks today. I'm convinced that the one person I talked about secretly hates me. ,0.6550409356725169,2.37797462105263,2.8108771929824563,93.71058479532171,81.73684210526315,5.485380116959064,17.923976608187132,6.42735559955562,-0.2282163742690062,339,7,78,3,9,115,67,95,0.187,0.7040000000000001,0.109,-0.8,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,3,0,5,0,7,1,1,1,1,11,16,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,13,2,10,13,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,9,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007602613438495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318138075914745,0.0,0.1508491677770273,0.0,0.119588601182488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141761273393468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475118688142249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528885903222654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368566746801566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078145807029936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361181138330292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791010361202887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658712762551261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425910226792092,0.0,0.0,0.1854521060918548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865999757470285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465697489419027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950036554023905,0.1576808583261101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514065406733479,0.0,0.0,0.2287865381085975,0.0,0.18595429258240131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWAGMASTER-6969,2019/02/09,"I just wanna die I’m alone, on a Saturday, eating Mac and cheese crying, and my favorite food isnt helping, all my friends online are playing games with other friends, and I got no one to talk to, depression is being a bitch, this just isn’t fun and I want to leave ",3.1717272727272743,4.177014854545455,4.361590909090912,88.28238636363638,73.18181818181819,6.954545454545455,26.47727272727273,7.1686216300943375,1.162363636363636,207,7,44,2,4,68,41,55,0.31,0.469,0.222,-0.7342,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,10,8,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,5,4,6,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29110247546426743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874084125894546,0.0,0.0,0.2420841161295361,0.0,0.2917050038652448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876035163078167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398694672767221,0.0,0.4343060624718887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479636813074635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839446904050675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297611239856318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045946982298595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591242725450505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657816403095201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,holydirtysoul,2019/02/09,"letting go Admittedly, the past few months have sucked. I’ve been pushing through, but recently I wondered if any of it would be worth it. It feels like I’ll always be sad, that my unhappiness is unpreventable because without it, I’m not myself. I wonder if the life I have in ten years will suck equally as much. 

I’ve struggled with suicide for years now, and the thoughts disappeared for a while, but they’re back and stronger than ever. Or maybe I’m just less resistant. But I can feel myself letting go. 

I’ve been distancing myself from any friends I have and from the person that means most to me. The only thing that made me happy has become just another obligation. It seems that my life is full of obligations to people that I don’t want to maintain anymore. Nothing means anything but everything means something. Does that make sense? I’m rambling. 

My mind has been going back to the wood beam in my garage, at least 9 ft off the ground. I wonder if the cord I have in mind will snap under my weight. 

Can I just leave everyone behind?",3.487447744774478,5.6642731683168375,3.85795379537954,87.39097909790979,74.74257425742574,6.865126512651265,26.56875687568757,7.793537801064563,1.5512070407040697,828,31,160,12,18,258,123,202,0.13,0.779,0.091,-0.8523,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,2,1,9,0,21,3,0,2,1,36,43,13,1,5,13,0,3,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,12,4,1,0,11,0,1,5,3,4,0,1,5,3,19,3,22,31,7,23,0,1,0,0,3,8,2,9,11,111,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998275334975393,0.0,0.0,0.16317214011180234,0.12580263840855405,0.0,0.0,0.11898143914273072,0.0,0.0,0.09872793903975206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450437765611485,0.0,0.07313471052274666,0.1325012659158019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104989587438799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852286742430864,0.0,0.11463978686299554,0.10782441413142478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132437709500266,0.08570906714772987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269120121392037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045510543219681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771398406204568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270345763079549,0.0,0.24536199219679325,0.1694816122975279,0.05861297475468676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352179312850105,0.0800832192910688,0.0,0.12052947081268935,0.3920588234275679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227799749700846,0.0,0.09576167490346137,0.0,0.08819430087232412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511777507412048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124522610956584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452824732891825,0.0831744943493846,0.10475620177671534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845932267663314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921933636730112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923614344929954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542231432789314,0.0,0.13123149789167296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970503897757883,0.0,0.0,0.09524552979932392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076345788057299,0.0,0.0,0.14609535895517411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565013869992664,0.39031831419902185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522570711026703,0.0,0.0,0.15451795555407588
suicidewatch,sroot411,2019/02/09,"What have I done wrong? Hi everyone,  


There's something I've been wanting to get out of my chest and finally found the place to do it. So, at the end of 2018 I've tried to kill myself with 1g of propranolol. I was sure I was going to die but nothing happenned. I didn't feel anything at all. Everyone told me it was a ""sign"" from somewhere telling me I still had something planned for me on Earth. I wanted to know what do you guys think: was it really something out of the ordinary or was I supposed to take a higher dosage?",3.0558027522935767,4.0905796605504605,4.2301720183486236,89.00195527522936,73.49541284403671,7.651834862385322,28.303899082568808,8.07648339933343,1.6720908256880738,409,16,90,6,8,134,74,109,0.077,0.907,0.016,-0.7236,0,0,3,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,5,0,12,1,1,0,2,15,23,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,11,1,13,1,18,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343680642699606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935111406335038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080848485141985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514403307520553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563320161812974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427739069741116,0.0,0.0,0.2042526427241481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443858791986289,0.0,0.0,0.09741518687644347,0.0,0.105966831110832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462003925867304,0.16488178618374288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062851389917968,0.0,0.10247094432980572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890886756222368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480608008557387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194480252763737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306271461794206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890342552746536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573189250919044,0.0,0.1401911640926513,0.0,0.16297013095173465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194730131375095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781660080906487,0.0,0.12659089422923506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995230720970665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385957579111846,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xForcefulEntryx,2019/02/09,"How do you know? How do you know when you're almost to that point? Been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts on and off for 10 years now. Have self harmed, held a gun to my head, even tried snapping my own neck before. But out of all the years I've been depressed, I have never just randomly broke down crying until this past week. My thoughts of suicide keep hitting me harder and harder every day but I keep chickening out. These last few months have been the hardest on me since my wife left and told me she wants a divorce. I never know what or when my breaking point is going to be, but I know I'm very close to it",4.0576027996500414,5.112585188976382,4.1290813648294,90.59253718285214,71.1259842519685,6.904286964129485,25.134733158355203,6.937597516519254,0.8200470691163599,497,14,105,4,9,153,85,127,0.14,0.847,0.013,-0.9245,0,0,0,1,1,1,11.0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,10,2,2,2,3,30,24,13,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,3,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,7,0,15,0,15,15,3,25,0,3,0,0,7,10,0,3,13,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627816978235134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280119335629467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714318467572199,0.10065005472739423,0.0,0.2688398912787067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030805264082985,0.0,0.13149285308746927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869625308672956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016937081122778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774383540575555,0.0,0.0,0.34308051744254,0.1272151200480299,0.0,0.0,0.16956683236192224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457088204312908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407363872776121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898324202244406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950667901500068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281151488764764,0.0,0.0,0.1290999155488483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315471026866404,0.0,0.34142308936611643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779891683657376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912833741845402,0.0,0.10595898617830704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287713008689683,0.09205213226994392,0.0,0.1251872236670091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100356467529276
suicidewatch,LechugaLover101,2019/02/09,"I’m alone, depressed, and tired of living. Raised to be a perfectionist in a dysfunctional family, I have known nothing but manipulation and abuse throughout my entire life. My family had always expected me to do my best, but have recently been pressuring me to do even better and it’s taken so much energy out of me to meet their expectations and have them scream at me. I was diagnosed with depression a couple years ago and received no medication and was taken off of a therapy program. My parents refused to get me help again after several times of asking. Aside from that, I have no friends. I’ve made several acquaintances over the years, but they all have either abandoned me or betrayed my trust in one way or another. To fill this void of being alone, I have had several flings, relationships, etc., exploring my sexuality and discovering that I’m biromantic. Sounds great, right? Not exactly. Not only are other people (my parents, friends, and others) uncomfortable with me dating people of the same sex, but oftentimes scold me for even thinking about it. This has led to me being uncomfortable about my sexuality and continually doubting myself, reminding me of every slur and derogatory term I’ve been called by the people in my life, ‘faggot’ being the most common. Continuing with my relationships, I have been so desperate to find someone to fill the gap of having no friends that I would date people several years older than me, and oftentimes would want sexual favors from me that I wasn’t comfortable with. Even when I found someone that I truly cared about and wasn’t too sketchy, they would eventually just want sex and try to pressure me into a situation that I wasn’t happy with (I’m one of the few that is glad to have their virginity intact). Despite this, I would still take back my mentally abusive exes just so have someone to talk to and say they cared about me, even if it wasn’t genuine and they only wanted my body. Speaking of my body, I’m extremely self-conscious. Even though I’ve had a few tell me otherwise, I feel like a total pig whenever I walk outside. I have had several strangers and acquaintance make comments about my weight, even if I’m not overweight. Finally, I’ve lost a sense of purpose in life. I have so much pressure on me to be valedictorian of my school that I just don’t have fun in life anymore due to my constant episodes of anxiety and depression. I hate my life, and I wish more people would understand my cry for help and offer true friendship and support, not just a pat on the back and leave. Sorry for the long spiel, I just needed to vent my frustrations and nobody cared to listen to me elsewhere.",7.984909090909093,7.862764420202023,8.223030303030303,68.76121212121215,62.37373737373736,11.696969696969695,35.90909090909091,11.20814326018867,4.149787878787878,2128,87,368,54,27,699,235,495,0.16899999999999998,0.655,0.17600000000000002,0.8008,2,2,0,0,1,2,56.0,0,0,7,3,27,30,2,4,17,0,42,15,2,4,4,79,70,36,0,14,18,2,2,1,3,5,9,5,0,0,16,29,2,2,7,0,0,6,12,12,0,2,18,7,63,18,61,42,13,43,0,5,0,3,28,13,0,6,24,272,79,2,0.0,0.16386136940915605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061296735774158326,0.0,0.0,0.14323576606777833,0.0,0.0,0.0575378073049742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250913363883876,0.05289907144728515,0.0,0.0685775845441649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464531751043939,0.0,0.0,0.1063431796475609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256798757893823,0.06115698992382035,0.0,0.15361870162708074,0.0,0.0,0.07060922834560608,0.0,0.2115071445188698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472589284817838,0.0,0.0,0.07651245205724484,0.07595732541196422,0.0,0.0,0.17867472839944018,0.0701851452385341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711981567054657,0.2740350023453953,0.0,0.05826131853702304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130375725727404,0.0,0.03496399433158569,0.04940031689710872,0.0,0.07574974434050193,0.0632012626729402,0.0,0.0,0.07581870453043574,0.16027387297246815,0.0,0.03612768678219113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623741397612775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361077998880604,0.0,0.06827067737342085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269871736031217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321918829995255,0.0,0.0,0.2442111912529593,0.03378288462961588,0.0,0.06106015212137851,0.06119500796372531,0.0,0.0,0.07548469540300297,0.0,0.0,0.06543079678617766,0.046157735030537335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966070573634314,0.06968629119508732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101665472664689,0.05127337455929299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635067628667171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371479243331604,0.10518240917011963,0.0,0.0,0.15356436293135306,0.0,0.0,0.2396972989762149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682766511687268,0.1484810693197998,0.0,0.05905317596864866,0.0,0.05499034685403791,0.0,0.0699828444480524,0.0,0.0,0.07213786382788928,0.3905954734297197,0.0,0.0,0.07772677835098883,0.0,0.0,0.1757700860441966,0.0,0.0,0.07740704764297297,0.0,0.0,0.05522276855121907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846987474184745,0.0,0.0,0.05199171328792893,0.0555796365702879,0.06043958888406841,0.0,0.07907832006096886,0.0,0.0,0.044308118025078634,0.06793889551717172,0.0,0.04032154814236122,0.07947701751509192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694787663849587,0.0,0.0,0.07198692287509817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235825311259732,0.05488754365956692,0.0,0.08420529203920529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951835185215116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24560860823339825,0.0,0.0,0.13358976286910068
suicidewatch,theprocess824,2019/02/09,"i’m tired, it’s time to die me (32m) have had a fucked up life since birth. i grew up in group homes and children’s homes my entire life and haven’t really been able to ever get grounded. i’m tired. tired of trying. tired of trying to not just be another statistic. tired of having to alway hold on for dear life. at this point i’m just a burden. a fuck up. i have no family that would miss me and a few friends that would be sad for a short while. i lost my job a few weeks ago, again, for challenging the owners on a bad policy. i can’t pay my rent next month and haven’t been able to find work yet, again. in my early 20s this happened and i had to do gay porn to get myself out of a whole so that i could survive. i’m tired of barley surviving. tired of having too much pride to ask a friend for help. i’m smart. smarter than i should be for what i’ve been through. i shouldn’t be this far behind. it’s only matter of days before i but some rope and hang my self from the walnut street bridge (Philly). it will be a statement, if there’s one thing about me is that i’ve always liked making statements. i don’t need attention. i don’t need anyone trying to convince me i’m wrong or that i’m a coward. just wish me farewell and say you understand.  ",1.1581815365551442,2.761875368029745,2.5990938661710032,96.39162716852543,79.70631970260223,5.672924411400249,17.52803593556382,6.42735559955562,-0.4139034696406445,970,17,231,8,24,315,147,269,0.157,0.7440000000000001,0.099,-0.9209,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,6,11,16,2,0,13,0,27,14,0,1,1,33,47,12,1,9,7,0,0,1,2,5,10,1,3,2,13,8,0,1,5,0,2,2,8,8,0,1,6,1,23,8,35,30,5,29,0,3,0,4,10,14,2,3,14,140,36,4,0.18064966620292253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006751465587304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031499382386415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471346307416152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315722346151795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444152599366936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541746276892099,0.0,0.0,0.0768597802310349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211702943295464,0.0,0.0,0.05825204496343842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937429163072776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170398273455831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515021394377292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255526108241293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395694839875056,0.167007705454662,0.0943819945510173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987395160927996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054283166214279,0.0,0.18120634447499728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963345950281279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139730252668274,0.04412815096982347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860022526716747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602925274790491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209642003241269,0.0,0.066399145238073,0.1339494384858581,0.0,0.0,0.09606148471629404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612064445346043,0.06869610576652461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538616284705043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057864400984332785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182993265562157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422850003895183,0.0,0.0,0.0747176353325994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000780557170099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052669136554528505,0.7267057583128628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397389779438889,0.0,0.0,0.0940313367349498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245313280404841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008444504720294,0.10386910040023917,0.0,0.0,0.06575755426143401,0.0,0.0,0.12832833977842414,0.09875602556659847,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eternal177,2019/02/09,"Suicide is empowering Just do it. That’s what I keep telling myself to sleep every night. 

All the planning gives me a sense of power. I can end this shit any minute. I can “cheat” this bullshit reality and choose when the only certain and meaningful thing in life happens. So beautiful. 
Then I wake up the next day the same old coward. I envy people that died. I envy people that can live a normal life. In the end I am lonely.
 
They say you always die lonely, I guess I am a ghost that doesn’t know how to leave. 
",1.4516240070609001,3.7595903495145686,3.069585172109445,89.73285083848194,82.39805825242719,5.2988526037069725,19.072374227714032,6.574015621080383,0.12972621359223258,398,10,81,4,11,131,74,103,0.326,0.603,0.071,-0.9832,2,4,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,2,4,5,2,0,8,0,8,5,3,1,2,13,13,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,13,1,6,13,2,11,0,2,0,0,5,3,1,1,8,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373512832915015,0.0,0.0,0.12564314183144845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191549210105195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835034390603849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272850566500045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566827624208762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723863617654592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353397997475267,0.0,0.16338266580641653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422318523597895,0.0,0.0,0.101539269071524,0.0,0.0,0.19563417232405186,0.0,0.0,0.2610029167617767,0.0,0.0,0.1631464729342585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964943656605941,0.17338475248891347,0.1810255805856453,0.0,0.0,0.19387454949873886,0.0,0.0,0.14051831247260255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561786536142357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692857490485464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965349419718855,0.0,0.0,0.18489344049945053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020974621165036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148839151974526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274634027695412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Recklessabandon555,2019/02/09,I could have a deadly disease I got into a fight with a person that is of a high risk group for having HIV and I may have gotten some of their blood inside an open wound.Not to mention that the reason for the fight was a fake friend of 14 years that I have been too weak to cut out of my life.,5.924564102564106,3.4583373538461544,6.293846153846157,88.52948717948719,67.76923076923077,8.666666666666668,24.743589743589745,3.1291,0.32951282051282016,228,2,56,0,3,74,47,65,0.231,0.721,0.048,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,2,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,8,0,9,4,1,1,0,9,11,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,0,6,1,11,5,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,1,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337339115674922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229408517852921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33430770083750433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416332333845149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952412716660779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36497592639336496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297670818554669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26917420170007017
suicidewatch,CurrentStill,2019/02/09,"Can someone please explain what is the point of the textline? I text there sometimes because I have no friends and no one to talk to. I haven't been in a good place and whenever I have a breakdown I text in, hoping for something, anything. But I usually get nothing. ""That sounds devastating."" ""It sounds like you're going through a rough time."" ""What do you think would help you?"" All they do is parrot what you said and then go ""What do you want me to do about it?"" I legit have no idea how that's supposed to help? I see people say it helped them and I really don't get it. I know they can't give advice, but maybe ask some questions about my situation, show at least some vague interest? I heard someone say this is supposed to encourage you to calm yourself down, then what is the point of this? If you already know what to do, why call them? What is this for? 

I'm just really frustrated. Every time it's the same thing. I'm starting to lose hope. ",1.1344169443122318,3.5410270418848206,2.190673488814852,94.819813184198,84.86387434554973,5.357544026653975,21.770823417420274,6.7829847944221076,0.4467570680628277,739,25,160,9,22,233,107,191,0.085,0.77,0.145,0.8938,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,6,4,1,5,10,1,0,7,0,19,0,0,1,1,23,38,10,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,18,4,0,0,6,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,3,8,23,8,19,34,5,15,0,1,1,0,25,7,0,6,7,107,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810389497937678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595874670419926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163007412686859,0.0,0.1321224194409393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615211792116388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443114898828164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190747707857984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918951124790874,0.0,0.14767588961711609,0.1355745080923798,0.1606396964987286,0.1185390572383101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841871450644144,0.0,0.0,0.2807407973084549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954188890327184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534013072318306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904562657980877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810966308449453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419827754592761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356078401366342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576737798291143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797890487298323,0.0,0.14765747570729587,0.15513548949726333,0.26720091304309496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583194855289872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810764210519806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344351059072505,0.2247790853863052,0.0,0.0,0.11261996248615283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885837376270728,0.0,0.0,0.2394931804070841,0.10880104862565272,0.13977681248269466,0.0,0.10003254749943424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359393592782174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389191353634477,0.09055715061501124,0.0,0.0,0.16481875876973678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556526101146906,0.0,0.08335880082468232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275263615091983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039521748834493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spencersins666,2019/02/09,"I don’t want to be here any more My family hates me. Their so mean to me everyday and always scream at me. I hate myself so much, I’m so ugly and fat and situating I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t take it, no body would care if I left. I don’t have any friends at school and the friends I do have never want to hang out or ever respond to my texts to hang out. I had plans to hang out with a couple friends to night and they all never responded on what time or where we were gonna hang, even though they said they could hang out earlier. They don’t like me, nobody likes me, I’m so weird and awkward. My parents are so mean to me and I hate them so much. I just don’t want to be here anymore, it would be better and I wouldn’t have all this weight on my shoulders.  ",1.3719437939110044,2.2420589071038286,3.1133216237314616,96.02323770491805,77.4153005464481,6.321467603434818,20.175253708040593,6.5431188927421005,-0.11628774395003914,632,13,161,5,14,211,88,183,0.126,0.738,0.13699999999999998,-0.2287,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,6,2,14,13,3,1,3,0,22,4,3,0,5,33,38,18,0,9,4,1,1,2,3,4,1,2,0,0,4,14,2,0,2,0,0,5,11,6,0,0,3,4,31,7,22,26,5,24,0,0,1,0,14,12,0,3,8,115,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111381084072311,0.0,0.0,0.18165973215427988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26492434739398074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181288007724599,0.0,0.1483623787079267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618004727365807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664205920161142,0.1477888989785333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821947754749147,0.12081863371655555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591470042264716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095796642865992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39560808614476345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512049832865004,0.0,0.0,0.13050778505946453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216230177831987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29098636079980583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637363416356315,0.0,0.2060295872780077,0.0,0.0,0.12534320312932684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830989930230318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705242008275502,0.0,0.0,0.13517652683024026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013445112237045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042545829117798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122850328712854,0.0,0.07788375675910958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151241577413313,0.0,0.0,0.1626481319580405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897637564317315,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wherestheoohs,2019/02/09,"Hey guys Hi all, throwaway because I can't have the people in my life knowing that I'm like this.

I'm 23 (m) and last year january I was kicked out of the army because I was sexually assaulted and harrassed by another member of the military,. It was literally my life goal to be in the military for the rest of my life and ever since I've been out I don't know what to do, I travelled for 6 months and then moved to another country for 6 months before leaving it to travel again. For the first time ever I tried ecstasy and on the come down I was sitting in my shower for 5 hours staring at the water and thinking about nothing.

I've told the new friends I made that I was raped, and they laughed. I can't express the pain this brought me, I can't believe that they would react like that. I lied and said that what happened to me was okay, but it really wasn't. When I am with someone I'm okay, I'm not tooting my own horn but I am not an ugly person and spend time with some pretty beautiful girls, and money is not an issue for me as I worked hard, got a good amount of it, and get a military pension.. to keep me quiet.

When I am alone, I want to die. 

I can't handle being alone, I cry about things that don't matter, I put on sad songs to remind myself of what I could have made relationships become. Everyone that meets me woukd describe me as fun, interesting, and spontaneous. I can only describe myself sad, upset, and borderline suicidal.

I know what suicide does to families, and how it will effect them forever, but I've learnt that you need to put yourself before others, so I think I might do it. In two hours I'll meet this girl I'm seeing, and I'll be happy, until we wake up and she leaves to go do her thing when I'll be alone, wishing that I wasn't alive.

I don't know why I've written this",5.601507936507937,4.582064150793652,6.64025925925926,81.11816666666667,67.54497354497353,9.676402116402118,31.069312169312173,8.841846274778883,2.2574080423280423,1411,46,304,20,20,476,192,378,0.135,0.7390000000000001,0.125,-0.7865,1,3,0,0,0,2,41.0,1,1,3,4,10,16,2,1,14,2,34,7,1,5,3,51,61,28,3,5,6,0,1,2,1,3,4,3,1,4,26,22,1,1,7,3,2,8,12,6,0,2,16,6,47,10,41,37,5,38,0,2,2,1,20,11,0,2,20,199,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143284632151406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216008795803645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233381653483384,0.11172850024000867,0.1721674744538009,0.113978011902167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714446032755288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077180799411612,0.0,0.11112470961746286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499302170812816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852994018040793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830185868075888,0.0,0.09666723835058257,0.0,0.0,0.09536910748269786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605067078811186,0.0,0.0,0.07815962229113407,0.0,0.05285439792735617,0.0,0.0574942494925011,0.08485217888243718,0.08091067909813078,0.0,0.0,0.1001689914398928,0.08945963989148968,0.10769174015285388,0.09062373059845123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199253769181911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055896985388778,0.0,0.08991986353344901,0.0,0.0,0.22238996777654169,0.08246276022627416,0.0,0.2142376918652527,0.0,0.0,0.21436692958421535,0.09884795769586152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914490341377382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731979550409657,0.0,0.0,0.16149745051090916,0.1075221018346349,0.0,0.07501236816997478,0.0,0.09770553018542344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707029039383873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694033862107025,0.10764640927949584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701348885057675,0.08833314334362374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292090353074096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339699847050707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480871886641139,0.0,0.0,0.10861306412754616,0.0,0.0,0.09623082822051324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061519490067302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368451310754227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571655055502701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131559789026706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441870770042627,0.12964455297836452,0.0,0.0,0.11797993950799825,0.0,0.0,0.09666723835058257,0.0,0.06868421354114146,0.0,0.0988232449945504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059669581012286387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912854369783843,0.0,0.11633445110006052,0.0,0.0,0.07364913098514482,0.0,0.0,0.07186452424820781,0.0,0.0,0.06514677167378795
suicidewatch,Menley_,2019/02/09,"To note or not to note Does it really matter if I leave a note? I have had several failed attempts and I am confident this one will be the last one. This is not the life that I want. I have tried to move past things but it isn’t happening. I’m done. I am trying to tie up all the lose ends as much as possible but I can’t decide if I should leave a note or not. Does what I have to say really matter? Would it make a difference? I know I have people who care about me, I am fortunate, but none of that matters when I am struggling. Can I even make it easier, would anyone ever understand or would I just be wasting my time? ",0.5954879448909303,2.3909410746268662,2.9598507462686605,92.20105051664757,82.28358208955223,7.108151549942595,18.516647531572907,8.139509932561175,0.5996401836969008,480,11,113,10,13,165,78,134,0.126,0.7340000000000001,0.14,0.4325,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,6,0,21,1,0,2,2,28,29,12,0,7,12,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,11,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,2,1,17,1,10,20,3,8,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,5,6,86,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350881971946092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551195412707045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960614122836207,0.0,0.0,0.2841219392931083,0.16612567130894315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378114987207125,0.0,0.0,0.1072211268337468,0.14684183594976594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355282700201208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921539537251688,0.13232517330976726,0.0,0.3437799029254608,0.0,0.0,0.11466242875886658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161200249580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672053510141887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725370424280952,0.1193353379593547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200055954828577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496769026691032,0.11254305884403216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830089874845945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799267287318995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909577763873425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339301084396267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970840655147562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784855335746203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946591885818148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043042060531934,0.0,0.0,0.1689970753057359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574973754342328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34595563863765155,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CashinBlack,2019/02/09,I’ve tried everything This is odd. I don’t know why I’m typing this out to seemingly no one and everyone. I’ve gotten sober. I’ve seriously tried to make it work on a second-minute-hour-day basis but it’s just so *goddamned* useless. I don’t want to fight any longer guys. I’m starting to feel that elation that washes over you once you know these worldly problems won’t affect you much longer. It used to be fear I felt when I was coming close to this decision. Not any longer. ,1.5512121212121208,3.7203144747474752,2.931606060606061,91.67740909090912,81.02020202020202,5.9802020202020225,21.011111111111113,7.1686216300943375,0.5232092929292933,379,11,81,5,10,123,68,99,0.204,0.747,0.048,-0.9356,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,3,0,1,3,5,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,3,0,18,19,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,2,7,0,9,14,1,8,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,41,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084920154289136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538614366872914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628073285575685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673711500918524,0.20385202280888096,0.0,0.0,0.2552366017433882,0.11468747540189833,0.0,0.21778365925016116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458837749481747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233729225333416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24930969812164305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140472941158986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667394789748139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415568835769037,0.1536997296427388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703699336580454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648925225023812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054501887773254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079930397016892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195900454010524,0.0,0.0,0.13378485889404612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046706059946997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651283355666246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,interstellar_child,2019/02/09,"Survived an attempt and now im stuck Back in December i took about 240 pills of ibuprofen (over 48000 Mg) over a few days and finished it off with maybe 100 (40 Mg) of a pill that has a blood thining side affect. Its isotretinoin or accutane. if you know what that is then you know why i was at my lowest point and hoped that it would heighten the chance of the ibuprophen destroying my guts. I was hoping  just not be found before i died but my roommate knew something was up. I got sent to the ER where they tested my blood but didnt do charcoal because i was throwing up stomach acid. I was in the psych ward for about a week and somehow was discharged without having to be approved by a judge. 

Ive been at my parents for about a month. they moved me out of my apartment and im staying in my brothers old room for now. Im only 20, and my family is very religious but im not exactly on any terms with god. i havent told them that and they think im as devout a christian as they are.

This post isnt to gloat or make you feel sorry for me. I've been going to a therapist i like for a while now but i have no purpose. i get asked everyday what i want to do (whether thats with my life in general or for the day it doesnt matter). for the first time in my life i dont know what i want to do. Ive always just know what i wanted and i never had to think for a long time to make decisions. now i dont even know what i want to eat or what clothes i want to wear.

 somehow my liver and kidneys survived. im deficient in some vitamins but theres nothing wrong with my body. i know i should feel grateful but really i just feel like i tried to kill myself for nothing. somehow this is worse. im about 45 minuets from any of my friends who are busy living their lives in college, im probably going to become a college drop out, my parents are probably going to think im going to hell if i ever tell them i dont think god cares as much as they think, and somehow my life is even worse off than it was when i was majorly depressed a month ago.

there's no moral to this story or lesson to be learned. i just wish the things i am starting to find enjoyable where things my parents think are signs of me recovering from depression and anxiety.

​",2.7929779522802782,3.813791885835098,4.050127453941407,90.09558985200846,74.11627906976744,7.097046209604349,26.622108124433705,7.447530270364453,1.199747133796436,1754,62,391,20,35,576,220,473,0.112,0.78,0.108,-0.7952,4,0,1,0,0,1,37.0,0,4,8,6,25,13,3,0,20,0,40,16,8,3,3,83,80,32,2,12,21,4,3,2,1,2,7,0,1,0,22,17,1,0,21,0,0,8,13,6,1,1,19,4,62,7,67,56,5,60,3,2,0,0,22,24,1,14,27,266,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665599192240488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318164996443105,0.0692508989706141,0.07766262536688029,0.0869275573114994,0.0,0.048894110375835236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059751054284310184,0.0,0.0,0.04914599652837542,0.0,0.03896144118763165,0.07058810026546307,0.054386190287572696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099415497899504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516468302402872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243861204127059,0.0,0.11009823868635488,0.0,0.06633274345925037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472054213805293,0.0,0.0,0.06540007888941712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442931847975231,0.057813961201778084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025252381223475,0.0,0.09695066574460807,0.045660244705343175,0.0,0.0,0.05841632808436537,0.054365299493445714,0.0,0.07007851000859519,0.04937987391888099,0.0,0.033392478484472764,0.0,0.14529542020688274,0.0,0.05111794319673862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269622422203409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6213437463907573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071148027654983,0.0,0.21075310206959602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543325370505194,0.0624504001564783,0.0,0.11287463978883093,0.056561965871369926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532631403674568,0.0,0.06421030253458639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203124721796432,0.06793057177669629,0.04698421641325308,0.0,0.0492944929060098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265460247651795,0.0,0.06706709481764342,0.0,0.0,0.04860955195295803,0.0,0.0,0.21290712782480434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041948190023892,0.0,0.061212038829173164,0.0,0.13782041640666662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094500808290898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049204195549319936,0.0,0.07154660049363297,0.04523872784897315,0.06812392490932186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055863739175697896,0.0,0.0,0.07420919448244466,0.08492337403911547,0.2457214413023402,0.0,0.0,0.07453764958282053,0.0,0.0,0.06107266005019641,0.07101091508576214,0.043393477417863466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273582484946872,0.18849095612335032,0.0,0.0512680345398731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767253265160537,0.0,0.07349805896381413,0.06161091012860701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026785331525145,0.045402741755820965,0.06988003325490512,0.07766262536688029,0.0
suicidewatch,Nawdawg79,2019/02/09,"Want to kill myself but can't I'm in a situation where I have ruined my prospects for happiness, and it is inescapable. But I can't kill myself bc of the pain I would cause to my family. I don't know what to do, and every day I am reminded by others of what a burden of a human being I am. I regret everything. ",2.0627941176470586,2.862544397058823,5.158117647058828,82.30452941176472,75.61764705882355,8.381176470588235,22.423529411764704,8.841846274778883,1.4174494117647058,241,6,53,5,5,89,44,68,0.322,0.5670000000000001,0.111,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,0,9,13,4,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,11,1,9,11,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28003479885330673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175804139318921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296768533931063,0.0,0.24499487197452866,0.0,0.25698256747214065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29018725885679353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6031819615673433,0.0,0.14981356753713634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900651098241687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064132828489657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078626017661113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364687831244365,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Love_BB8,2019/02/09,"Life will go on until it will end Life will end at one point inevitably. Lives that missed that life will end as well. And so forth.

We will eventually fade out as a species and be forgotten. The animals that we haven’t killed will reclaim this earth. The trees will grow to their greatest heights. But even that won’t last. This world will be destroyed. Everything on it will be lost and forgotten. Everything will soon fade to dust.",2.113736141906873,4.968568134146345,1.7075166297117512,96.0979046563193,87.17073170731706,5.9086474501108635,22.088691796008874,7.348242739294969,0.8539609756097564,345,12,71,6,11,100,51,82,0.171,0.7609999999999999,0.068,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,1,4,5,2,0,3,0,15,3,0,0,0,7,18,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,1,0,3,1,9,3,1,17,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,8,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722288337621461,0.0,0.0,0.14224168795730752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387099115059481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223927078580507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826131712548235,0.0,0.0,0.17554521731532913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563404030597921,0.0,0.0,0.19016473874518805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350883003376325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459319081306502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035825764259133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363237881008916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whyithinkishoulddie,2019/02/09,"I am a wasted life A Wasted Life

That’s what i am and always will be. I’m a waste of resources- time, material like money, and immaterial like energy. 

I am a shitty person. Everything and everyone that crosses my path is more miserable than when they didn’t know me once they finally pull themselves from the downward sucking, black void that is my person and aura.

My mom, my dad, and my sister would all benefit from a world without me. No more pain from me disappointing them, no more drama, no more hurt. The initial hurt would fade, but they would be left with clarity on who I was and how it wasn’t their fault. And it wasn’t.

The more I reflect on my life, I see how bad of a human I am. B deserved a better first love, and I didn’t deserve to be her first love. It was pure and joyous and i crushed it when i discovered her cheating. I no longer even looked at her the same, those looks I once gave her dissipated into anger and frustration. Sure, she messed up, but she deserved me to just cut ties or forgive her, truly, rather than whatever twisted version of love and forgiveness I tried to offer her.

I’m so caught up in my hurt; I don’t see how my hurt extends into other people. And I’ve been but for so. Many. Years. My hurt started from my first conscious moments that I was not born in the right body, and I just eventually internalized it. I cried sometimes in baseball- it was the one thing I felt I had control over and when it didn’t go well I just felt like I had 0 control. By the time I made it to high school, I was already a dark void devoid of any joy in life. I knew what I was- i wasn’t gay, but I wasn’t a boy. And I knew what that meant in my family.

So, I internalized the pain. I didn’t have a real, honest to god cry, since that time i was yelled at for hormonal crying when i was in fifth grade, the year I cried at everything. Maybe my parents should have connected the dots between puberty; the loss of my grandpa, and my disinterest and dissatisfaction with everything from sports to friends; but no one seemed to notice. No one noticed because i was a straight A student, athletic, and decently well liked. The truth, though, is that I was an absolutely miserable; struggling transgender youth.

And I internalized it. When I got to college? It was a lost cause. I had long been convinced that life wasn’t worth living: you can ask most of my high school acquaintances (I don’t think people would willingly call themselves my friends), I had long diatribes and monologues on how life wasn’t worth living all the time. Everyone thought and continues to think I’m full of shit; but the truth is that I believe it.

Hell; even when dating  i still contemplated suicide. It was a distraction of the highest order, but I can’t distract myself forever. I see no purpose in life. I like to lean on the intelligence of people that are smarter than me. So, following s thought experiment:
 
If we take the assumption that scientist are right, the world is just the random happenstance of a Big Bang, evolution and random chance decided I would be born, and nothing I do here will last, then what is the purpose of this life? Are we all fooling ourselves into thinking there is some overarching purpose?

If the purpose is to be a good person? Well damn I done fucked that away and down the drain. Most people will probably tell you I am decently nice but overall I’m a Douche or an asshole. 

And, when I’m not? I’m too much. My insecurities are numerous and extensive. So, I drain everyone I interact with due to the constant affirmation I need, no one can actually put up with me. I’m never going to be enough or I’m always going to be too much.

Add in either a mood disorder (bipolar that I’ve been diagnosed with) or a personality disorder like borderline that seems to describe me to a T, and my chance of ever being a well adjusted, functioning human in society is as low as it can possibly be.

The lesson? I don’t know. Be kinder if you want. Don’t spank your kids every day for minor transgressions, and remember we are all humans trying to make sense of something that will never; ever make sense.",3.4211269656377405,5.315905905940593,4.728771112405359,82.32342166569599,74.0990099009901,8.218287711124054,27.60017472335469,8.925248442259385,2.256828421665696,3244,127,635,70,68,1074,341,808,0.18600000000000005,0.665,0.149,-0.9904,1,0,1,0,0,1,107.0,3,4,5,9,35,58,9,6,47,0,81,19,2,10,12,124,129,64,1,12,24,5,2,6,2,11,12,1,0,9,37,41,0,2,22,2,3,8,28,30,4,7,42,9,99,27,76,66,19,83,1,11,6,5,48,37,5,14,43,457,136,5,0.0,0.0,0.05512338379612538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623350580830196,0.0,0.09400379357726796,0.0,0.0,0.03841325043107725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052807930712220036,0.0,0.05307160788808296,0.0,0.047164473895121184,0.03443408842452764,0.0,0.0,0.06364175969711641,0.0,0.049958360649145384,0.0,0.06274457349764005,0.0,0.0,0.057679772978390075,0.0,0.0,0.05802794080391027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061042623408851464,0.12671045341217516,0.0,0.0,0.2481942595017997,0.0364295874343271,0.0,0.0,0.05733334492765209,0.0,0.0,0.12947850870098232,0.0,0.0,0.057806043724964735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836640402223842,0.0,0.07461855951769322,0.10219185900270084,0.04759292383410218,0.16192789427593146,0.15230122813036578,0.055255345676337234,0.0532511290524355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847318989363697,0.06187899456067531,0.0,0.1441440156924312,0.0,0.0,0.08728378073727686,0.052221529835438055,0.0,0.0,0.09630897615520467,0.04737880480708871,0.04517799451102584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936371040061833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023537164563664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208780383199085,0.04604462810586794,0.0,0.0,0.06137353588352546,0.0,0.3191887836826518,0.16558083086140785,0.0,0.09975851018080817,0.09997883419662376,0.09487008564952687,0.0,0.06166247948323709,0.0,0.1529457795120126,0.05344957865775566,0.07541132342437651,0.057269180728182885,0.05674901050486579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615715590478792,0.0,0.0,0.08304922062506714,0.04188456202835728,0.08713286140486183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054201016423032884,0.12862216145930613,0.0,0.12031410342065525,0.153108823844185,0.0,0.12021278134774813,0.0,0.06272237920585305,0.0,0.0,0.15664451927795892,0.1972898662872346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368085949174121,0.0,0.0,0.06090278311828608,0.0,0.0,0.056785263594901575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429482934954549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398901506756133,0.0964795640267477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433617601336785,0.13503901610975444,0.10284769733162896,0.0,0.0,0.05798332532545737,0.04672681673138692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348662597575805,0.05586731048367363,0.0,0.03998194901114677,0.0,0.04511077132413823,0.0,0.0,0.05905271287882269,0.0,0.0617878565483569,0.0,0.05323854162023905,0.0,0.0424713637221317,0.0,0.0493723249413932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037527602699415116,0.10858419991267128,0.05549841234140728,0.08968909486914119,0.13175262200034218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076702236514228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333176291868568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031551985959244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445166971794557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006345218092492,0.0,0.0,0.07275184254775191
suicidewatch,BOOF_ESTROGEN,2019/02/09,"The mortality of severe serotonin syndrome is estimated to range from 2% to 12%. My father has just yelled at me, hit me, said I'm being disowned, getting committed to psych center, and never allowed back into his house for saying I did not agree to durable power of attorney. Now he is going to a judge to get guardianship. He faked my signature. He is going to take away everything I own.

I am already suffering serotonin syndrome currently, I have one gram of dxm here, feel like ending my life high now.",6.318245614035089,7.08779305263158,7.105,72.32416666666668,65.84210526315789,9.701754385964913,34.780701754385966,9.725611199111238,3.5530701754385965,400,18,67,8,6,133,72,95,0.081,0.871,0.048,-0.4956,3,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,2,8,17,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,5,10,1,15,13,1,13,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,45,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28443694023462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216750934784065,0.19819621326221507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282927293455841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165185400528626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032770507724378,0.18413885639698246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693306985134102,0.0,0.2929740378010238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723302873656238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974124550674587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205862756032887,0.1259251383841376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879507017446216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466016201974394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24518220999108506,0.20497559972471727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911876210874918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379824317522465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,12345testqwerasdfzxc,2019/02/09,"Quick question (aimed at people with personal experience with/understanding of suicide attempts specifically hanging) I experimented with hanging a short while ago (well, clearly I didn't go through with it all the way since I'm posting this), I wanted to find out: is it normal for your body to, how do I put this, not try and fight it? I never went fully unconscious at all in my attempts but it was surprising and frightening how my arms seemed to absolutely stay stock still until I very consciously (albeit in a semi-panicked state) brought them up to my neck to untie the knot? Like I would have thought they'd be jumping up to my neck at the first opportunity to break myself free when I started going lightheaded or something? Basically I'd like to know how weird that behavior is, if at all.",7.078650260999257,7.667780697986579,7.418344519015663,71.36399701715142,64.16778523489933,10.38061148396719,36.018642803877704,10.25414643259724,3.777585533184192,640,29,112,14,9,209,104,149,0.059,0.802,0.139,0.9039,0,0,1,0,1,1,18.0,0,1,2,4,7,8,1,0,5,0,9,4,4,3,5,27,19,11,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,6,0,1,8,3,2,1,1,5,0,16,7,24,11,3,32,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,4,11,79,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898109710614356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174583286626789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729434607118534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423144267120055,0.16214892090299104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667769531494088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047647071322976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626339024498087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470248284410404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867759351325476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321581387420504,0.1664498805408103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256987701537505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163478631160424,0.2135480954929443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735414723209706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769026984220594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675550924140246,0.0,0.0,0.1349281797779748,0.20318513858375167,0.15223655708853728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851717394087327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133812402758873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942457050904604,0.0,0.0,0.1984515007381152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572888804429636,0.11243791690712213,0.15131241864538467,0.0,0.0,0.17139835498851558,0.17671498289735124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541736457519388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the-next-whiskey-bar,2019/02/09,"I've decided to kill myself I have everything planned. The date, where I'm gonna do it, how I'm gonna do it... I told a friend about this. They never answered. I don't think people think I'm serious about this. Maybe they think I'm just doing it for attention, considering I hvae attempted suicide before and also overdosed unintentionally on sleeping pills. My cries for help are always ignored. No one cares about me. I just want to disappear. My only reason to live is my dog, but my sister will take good care of him, better than I ever could. The method is foolproof as I can't fail again because I don't want to go to a psychiactric hospital anymore.
When I first decided this, I felt like a huge weight had been dropped off my shoulders. I'm feeling free. And I feel kinda bad about this but I wish I could see my friends' faces when they find out I am dead even though they don't seem to believe me.",2.030054644808743,4.230029737704921,3.4635245901639347,88.33878415300549,79.49180327868852,6.471038251366121,23.827868852459016,7.594959193182576,1.1152491803278686,714,25,148,11,18,234,115,183,0.118,0.644,0.239,0.9757,0,2,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,4,5,15,13,1,0,5,0,17,5,3,2,2,30,40,10,3,5,4,1,4,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,7,3,1,1,13,0,1,2,6,5,0,2,4,5,28,9,18,31,0,15,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,2,8,94,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066538369832612,0.12555122033232805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964072894413127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259854954469975,0.09198015650670896,0.0,0.12839489869904055,0.16999953491242836,0.0,0.1334485110996528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076815210399866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409441885128133,0.0,0.16574380125582955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966035252807412,0.13648717905487726,0.0,0.0,0.1356087474218963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258739815216013,0.0,0.14487650813041025,0.0,0.13790924657717474,0.12834557971969132,0.0,0.0,0.23315197759071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575334409459444,0.1265580150555885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113730113262936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669356375021065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371644124554327,0.0,0.13323720474578998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158765939975746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637442133051785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224587192581866,0.11475741297201912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460700470323618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513838599863716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202385039998107,0.13736311500814236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099735069299125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504739853905145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344928415274652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900495456417847,0.1482470681407776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418031413790133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799575288635638,0.0,0.0,0.18374139838047535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351419147649585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Subtly-Chaotic,2019/02/09,Suicidal but not depressed? Idk if it’s possible but I really want to die in spite of not being depressed? Can’t really explain how it feels but it’s just that I’ve never experienced most depressive symptoms but I just constantly think of ways to kill myself (have attempted twice or thrice maybe?) ,2.923928571428572,5.910142107142861,4.387142857142859,77.85785714285714,83.28571428571428,8.914285714285715,25.857142857142854,9.23628265651192,3.1488500000000013,242,10,41,8,7,80,42,56,0.27,0.5489999999999999,0.181,-0.8921,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,17,7,7,3,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,3,0,5,6,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506826227015816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993993222224351,0.0,0.24075348189051454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729355736133967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566460272620873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330501212865063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891346243563386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615170184668994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972183192770059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537430579761945,0.0,0.0,0.2411109027440517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486402478464157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368248971021276,0.18413100029708396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aalinia02,2019/02/09,"im giving up im not asking for help or anyone to change my mind because i dont think i can be helped any more.  im going to fuck myself up on benadryl downed with alcohol tonight. I just got out of a mental hospital, 5150d for the second time. im only 16 but im so tired and nothing gets better,. hopefully that does the trick. im over it",0.4435428571428588,2.0563940400000007,3.2205714285714286,91.056,81.93333333333334,5.885714285714287,20.047619047619047,6.868970318607317,0.2849619047619041,263,7,60,3,7,93,58,75,0.181,0.7959999999999999,0.023,-0.888,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,11,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,5,2,12,9,1,9,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,2,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707606330805625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872244623394271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968573041581142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199102734587811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818903152615833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343979220918785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356871510198157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224539077949046,0.0,0.15032539025092534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857874070332085,0.06701306402874661,0.12304328370753168,0.07289584166337759,0.0,0.10258507771604136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194638337352544,0.0,0.0,0.12739588753648748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8312879656438504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926075012597418,0.0,0.1295108837444309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230735348530859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755116017958837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218690468916245,0.0,0.0,0.0747922363170566,0.14742151900459016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,misterwhiley,2019/02/09,"Everyone is against me As time goes on from my last attempt I feel increasingly like everyone is against me, I feel like I have no one to talk to, not because they’re not there or not willing to listen but because I think they’re just out to make things worse
I do want to survive but I feel like everyone is stood in my way ",3.1710294117647067,4.24603875,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,73.26470588235293,7.792941176470588,29.776470588235288,8.238735603445708,1.8461258823529416,257,11,58,4,5,83,42,68,0.085,0.795,0.121,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,14,4,0,1,7,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,4,10,3,12,12,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622158463512691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6165410758368965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262456430976641,0.3072997133847915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531509735145864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152248229180907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435644509621096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574060787228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286940105722254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288649059099195,0.13781158527874832,0.0,0.0,0.1254121528530506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685700036459216,0.17071678376183985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191801327684538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imqqqqq,2019/02/09,"I want to kill myself right now 'm 22 I don't have good job, I live with my mother, I don't have a single friend and did not have one my entire life, obliously I'm a virgin:I did not even hold the girl hand once in my entire life.
I been bullied in school 
I'm ugly and short 

I did drugs 4 years ago(mostly amphetamine) and it did help me feel somewhat good about myself till tolerance did not come In play

I have only one useless hobby:play guitar. I learning it on my own so I'm shit at it even after years playing on it. So I realized it today and broke it

Aswell as I punched the wall with my hand till I broke it(my hands are really ugly because of it, I doing it since I'm teen so I didn't have to go to school).

I cant tell anyone irl since I don't have anyone irl talk to
I can talk only in the internet, and even so I'm shy I don't want to look like someone who just seeking for attention but i do t k ow what to do now I'm so close to end my fucking life right now


Im not even mentally ill or anything. Been diagnosed with neurosis, tried antidepressants they do nothing, obliously because I'm fucking not ill

Today nothing happened this is my ordinary day. As always nothing happening I though I get used to it but fuck not. I just suddenly lose my motivation to do anything, I laying in my bed for 5 hrs straight thinking and trying to motivate myself nothing makes sense why am I so u lucky why couldn't I just born to be happy like everyone else. 

Please tell me something motivational I'm crying I don't want to be like this but I have nothing left to do 
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suicidewatch,hereforsuicidetips,2019/02/09,Just read my username Some tips on how to kill myself? No firearms here and buildings are just ten storeys. ,2.1563333333333325,5.0444633,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,91.0,2.666666666666667,26.66666666666667,3.1291,0.054166666666666696,86,4,17,0,3,23,19,20,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,1,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7417740231440996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6706499076184361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jreynolds2018,2019/02/09,"Convicted Felon - (Almost) Lawyer - Facing Homelessness - No Meaningful Relationships I was born to a single mother in a low-income household. She eventually married a man who would come to abuse my brother and I until she divorced him at age 11. I failed multiple grades in public school, Ingot sent to alternative school twice, and I was arrested multiple times as a teenager. After my last jail sentence at age 17, I decided to enroll in community college. I was charged with several drug felonies during community college. I didn't have to do time for the charges, and I was able to finish community college. I became inspired. I went onto university and completed 51 credit hours in less than a year, took the LSAT, and I was admitted to law school. 

During law school, my fiancee hung herself. Obviously, this was devastating. Her family sued me, blamed it on me, and did everything they could to ruin my. They tried to get me fired from my law firm, expelled from law school, and smeared me all over social media. But I persevered. I went on to graduate law school with honors. I decided in my first semester of my last year of law school that I should move across the country when I graduate. So i spent all my money, left everything I had, and moved to California, and studied for the california bar exam. I was gainfully employed and happy. I departed from my employer's firm after realizing the senior partner was abusive. I haven't been able to.find steady work since. I passed the California bar exam, but I am unable to get my law license now. My Moral Character Application (a requirement for a law license) has been processing for 13 months. I can't apply for attorney positions, and no one (non-legal employers)wants to hire someone in my situation. 
 
I don't have family support. I don't have friends. I am facing homelessness in the very near future, and if I don't get my law license then I will be thousands of miles away from everything I know with nothing and nobody. My mental state is deteriorating quickly. I have decided that if my law license is denied, I will likely just end it. But I am trying to prevent myself from ending it before a decision on my law license is made. 

I lack the strength, perserverence, and resilience that got me this far. Its gone. I'm weak. I cannot handle much more. I feel alone, afraid, and that my dreams of achieving success are soon to be crushed. I sacrificed ""happy"" college years to work hard and make good grades. It all feels for nothing now. I'm caving into the pressure. I have never posted on Reddit before, but this seemed like a good venue for me to express myself.",5.161526965562054,7.0989755144032936,6.1024214858133,74.09072124756337,69.57613168724278,9.1487112843838,31.7195148364739,9.616208734778699,3.3011572016460917,2084,92,352,49,38,688,252,486,0.116,0.807,0.077,-0.9285,4,1,1,0,2,0,75.0,0,0,2,10,7,18,0,2,18,0,40,6,2,2,5,65,61,27,0,6,7,2,4,2,3,4,2,0,0,2,13,21,2,2,12,3,3,10,10,5,0,4,21,4,70,13,60,33,8,62,1,2,0,0,21,22,0,4,30,246,83,31,0.1685481606180396,0.19970200913319228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438831806380412,0.08728253146732501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917827258340761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342207052733671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259465804918218,0.08835976982253227,0.0,0.0,0.06728599568242592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773117790873387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928364256305993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722032807303816,0.0,0.1588922054285345,0.0,0.08522301431406265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702498264875078,0.07168348965941836,0.0,0.0,0.0651099453958538,0.0,0.1320891860312093,0.0,0.0,0.1413702004130947,0.06740168060687164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942265111821468,0.07549302284055484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299299338364319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631483058023557,0.13738924672703126,0.0,0.0,0.09156403483838108,0.0,0.0,0.08234411758153118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974217245041024,0.05625360300522898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492845147626367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672667668810348,0.1791400207443078,0.061951145727089166,0.0,0.0649973660665704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617265058820387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710629784773288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071127342859492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904788235577627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5970290791580295,0.0,0.07671995760023008,0.0,0.09520572308592816,0.0,0.06971239009593773,0.094727597212888,0.0,0.08590681198986057,0.07140515476610514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563322764164114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828178788478176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363160406887402,0.11443313726781305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953494215061835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562458335046854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270506832883735,0.0,0.0,0.05986588871004035,0.0,0.0,0.16280923405425565
suicidewatch,RickSandShoes,2019/02/09,"Exactly 1 year from my suicide scare: it gets so much better. Exactly 1 year ago (I keep a counter app on my phone) I came the closest I have ever come to suicide. I call it a suicide scare rather than attempt since I did not take that final step and fail. I did however get very very close.
I had self harm scars all over my body, the deepest of which still haven't healed. It seemed certain to me that my pathetic, empty loveless life would end in suicide, and that once this was certain, why not bring up the date. I confided in the one person I could talk to that i'd decided to take my life (A move that I know realize was a cry for help). She called the police, who visited my university, therapist, house and parents.
Until then, i'd been keeping my illness and struggles to myself believing I was loved and cared for by no one. The police visit shocked me awake. 
It made everything real for the first time in years, I realized then if i didn't get better, I would die and pass my pain onto those around me.

The next year was a long, long road. I hadn't realized how much I had been numbing my emotions, and learning to live with them again was excrutiatingly painful at times.

Today, 365 days after the police came knocking on my door, I ran my first half marathon. In november, I will run my first marathon and in two years time my first half Iron Man.

So much can happen in 1 year. The man who lay on his bed gougeing marks in his skin to have some visible sign of the pain he felt inside, never would've believed he could stop self-harming or close his eyes without picturing his death.
And if he had taken his life, he never would've found a sport he loved, or experienced any of the joy it gives me now.

I'm not saying you have to take up endurance running (though I highly recommend it). I'm trying to show anyone who's where I was last year, that it can and does get some much better.

You are all loved, you all matter, despite what your brains might be telling you.",5.578619894598155,5.450766851010102,5.815186649099694,84.0366205533597,67.35858585858585,8.907158541941149,30.096179183135703,8.456263369488248,1.9759447957839256,1547,51,324,20,23,493,211,396,0.157,0.753,0.091,-0.9823,2,0,0,0,0,4,50.0,0,5,1,9,11,20,0,3,18,0,29,16,4,2,10,60,57,21,6,7,9,1,2,0,0,4,9,1,2,4,20,17,0,3,9,4,0,12,10,10,0,9,22,5,50,10,38,28,9,69,0,1,1,3,38,22,0,8,35,205,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387085695365359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899867948634118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038130635924086,0.0,0.0,0.06414266694173659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623586731323795,0.0,0.19117572767001065,0.0,0.0800349153434508,0.0,0.08043525426557907,0.1471488445938211,0.16481944113378272,0.0734630884860033,0.0,0.0,0.062067493165976914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505731108632092,0.0,0.07914710962496274,0.046468384176886174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477989573691936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305428292834911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105020595615715,0.06381779123677024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517628798910112,0.0,0.0,0.06475681332865055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918241758785586,0.07893081130574221,0.0,0.24515382393756996,0.0,0.07900266743920725,0.0,0.0,0.1505793928755689,0.06912004109433285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371644929264905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829577335179853,0.07612821256449356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313977419744542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808847503031282,0.0,0.0,0.039598580774009635,0.058733013981080336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268001989993352,0.0,0.0,0.06362433810638664,0.12752971428460902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509260853996288,0.06817852548121132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643710970252564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658119971973297,0.21186971148403191,0.0,0.11114381367869272,0.0,0.07662944672930408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673435761147937,0.09765029126515272,0.0,0.2300092081762972,0.0,0.08000660503444298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291411697544427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201237074638866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729963485635998,0.14427574218109124,0.0,0.0,0.06559457089556417,0.150334503894927,0.0,0.0,0.059603191366121126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754181696909561,0.06023974170213135,0.0,0.07532569930107892,0.0,0.3152582346128801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252522619264764,0.0579136714554627,0.06297771467268598,0.0,0.0,0.08365937449168027,0.0,0.0,0.07079195037651377,0.0,0.12604448512752667,0.0,0.0682980541878932,0.0,0.0,0.048919425727712317,0.0,0.07038555360012476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189029513385448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501684920088582,0.0,0.0,0.06945675989572597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047382404291068,0.0,0.0,0.3247995057075232
suicidewatch,lietuvis10LTU,2019/02/09,"Been having occassional suicidal thoughts. Depressive episode I think. Can't think anymore, can't focus anymore, can't care anymore. Pushed away a nice supportive community again. Like a fool. Again.

I'd knew it'd happen. Dumb optimistic fools keep telling me Im wrong, that I am not all fucked. Yet it never change, it always goes as I thought. The one thing I am right about.

There ain't no curing the uncurable. If you have a house rotten to the core, you demolish it.",2.017996254681645,4.852421426966295,2.8148595505617986,88.09135299625471,87.53932584269663,6.562172284644196,24.27059925093633,7.793537801064563,1.6816958801498143,373,15,71,8,12,117,65,89,0.251,0.6,0.149,-0.9067,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,6,11,2,0,6,0,10,1,0,0,2,10,20,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,4,1,7,4,4,15,1,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,1,5,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366148579124167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494335304007946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350495785491507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828490694223765,0.0,0.19535796560203705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905729655679218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072583051043036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330440188397405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308612216796693,0.0,0.0,0.19947691506658333,0.0,0.0,0.16414451868607827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022116916944277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243004920549426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513819104709112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770845614496898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200065294753305,0.20956303528866824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141103499672074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226875420561752,0.2366600872452323,0.0,0.2932170937449608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019093003746932,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,connorpg23,2019/02/09,"The Most Important Message Of Your Life Imagine waking up to a sense of purpose. Imagine finding a deep self respect for yourself unshakable for anything. Imagine dealing with your pain in a way that benefits you. Hi my name is Connor, and for years now I have been helping clients achieve their full potential via online coaching. If you're still reading, you are already ahead of 99% of people you know why? Because you are truly willing to make change in your life to find your purpose. I don't know where you're at right now in your life or what you're going through but I do know one thing. If you take my one on one coaching your life will be changed and that is a guarantee. we will analyze where you are at in your life with no bullshit, and create a detailed day by day plan to get you to where you want to go. I guarantee I will put you on a clearly guided path to success and something even more important, PURPOSE! Now the question really is, are you willing to make real change? Or, do you want to keep scrolling and wait to take action ""another time?"" Because guess what, that other time never comes until you are filled with regret after its too late. So if you want purpose, meaning, self respect, and guidance to your destiny, take the action, its time. Send the most important message of your life: [pinnaclepurpose@gmail.com](mailto:pinnaclepurpose@gmail.com)",6.985833333333333,7.963322067460322,6.239007936507938,78.38446428571429,64.43650793650794,8.204761904761906,35.194444444444436,8.07648339933343,2.7233206349206345,1099,49,191,12,16,335,131,252,0.051,0.802,0.147,0.9636,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,22,1,4,10,6,0,0,10,0,19,8,1,2,2,42,38,14,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,9,11,0,2,10,3,0,8,3,2,0,3,1,0,31,4,36,31,4,39,0,1,0,0,34,15,0,9,15,136,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190752213237885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583850091677675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090824009451114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468422187497373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505910866939567,0.09516100549073958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424893430117273,0.11389077508257295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296506954220171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193702935541188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771655056981996,0.0,0.12556645760561305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169628766152345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404639882619429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981917220586382,0.0,0.0,0.18213595733845275,0.0,0.12461612696595645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681737080365334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748053281903395,0.0,0.0,0.12033533093732178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520206410992519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245740748318797,0.0,0.11754895843064495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765866985130616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110538915239123,0.12375282947559214,0.0,0.11050091912983022,0.125740210612916,0.0707705668118578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943416509795226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304907419466196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504599147949332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822230254894256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491813855079321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733920396859355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324962761462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547601666235828,0.08768675692909841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968291658325916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113971758676654
suicidewatch,redditgirl_99,2019/02/09,The urge to die has never been this much The problem only gets worse and worse... It feels like an addiction. The feeling of feeling absolutely nothing anymore...,3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,86.14285714285714,5.6571428571428575,32.0,7.1686216300943375,2.7011142857142856,128,7,19,2,4,40,24,28,0.261,0.591,0.14800000000000002,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28852278150599153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624755302994786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746794047043412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014661502547096,0.18907598540716147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827599513281394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930144182161954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945584627118653,0.0,0.20412516142865647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539522069759897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128886726335546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25324766540283217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394303708051407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheCheshireCatt,2019/02/09,"I just need to feel like I exist. I'm sorry to have taken your time, but I've been stuck in this place for years now and I'm finally reaching the point where I don't know what to do and I just feel like I really need someone to listen to me, even if you were to have a go at me or whatever considering how sheltered my life has been would be some validation that I at least exist, and I really need that right now.  

​

I don't want to seem like I'm bragging about how done by I've been, but at the same time I want to feel like my feelings are justified and I want to share just how shit I feel my life has been ever since leaving high school. I'll try to keep it brief. I'm sorry.  

​

At age 16 after finishing my GCSE's I applied at my local college for further education to have some normality after leaving school, like everyone else. I was excited at the prospect because I actually really enjoyed school, I was popular and did well, and I wanted to continue that trend.  My father however had other plans, and always wanted me to train to be a pilot because he always wanted to be one and never had the opportunity, due to his father never having the money to help him. He gave the ultimatum that if I didn't follow his instructions and start the training, I would be on my own and fending for myself, he would no longer financially support me.  

​

So realistically I had no choice but to do as he said, as at 16 I was not in a position to support myself whatsoever.  It's not even like it was a bad gig either, considering I'd been given an opportunity that almost no one gets, and I'd be living on my own (my parents moved away once is started training so I had to live alone with my father funding me) and I'd be gaining Independence and it was an exciting experience. 

​

Unfortunately I soon realised upon beginning the training that being a pilot really wasn't for me, and that it wasn't something I was mentally mature and prepared enough for.  My father disagreed, and reiterated the ultimatum that I had to stick with it or I'd be fucked, essentially. I was getting pretty stressed a lot and getting really lonely as I was essentially in another world compared to the other people my age and I spiralled into depression. 

​

I started seeing an old friend from high school and my release came in the form of recreational drugs, essentially whatever we could get our hands on, but primarily Coke and mephedrone.  Over a year went by where I went through the motions at school, and in my spare time I did drugs more and more frequently, to the point where I did them every day or every other day. I eventually tried to commit suicide and ended up in hospital from my overdose, and got sectioned under the mental health act.  I was in hospital for 6 months and not a single person came to visit. No family, no friends. I didn't get any calls or texts in that time either, and I realised at that point had I died literally no one would've noticed or cared.  

​

I met a girl called Finty in hospital and she was kind, and sweet. Too good for this world kind of person. When I eventually got discharged we started meeting up and eventually we became a couple. She was in hospital for anorexia and depression, and her situation at home was really bad because her father was really a abusive to her mother, and she needed to stay with me most nights to escape it all. Rather than be empathetic towards her, coming from a position where I had my own shitty father who cheated on my mother multiple times and was rather abusive as well, I instead decided to be cold and unsupportive. I don't even understand why I did it to this day, whether I was doing it for the feeling of power or whether I'm just an evil person, but I pushed her further and further away.

​

We eventually split up after she couldn't take how uncaring I'd become towards her and she started doing drugs herself, eventually leading to a heroin overdose. She practically begged me to help her, and I **chose** not to. I **chose** to leave her to fend for herself, despite the fact that she'd saved my sanity and life in hospital. Ultimately, I feel responsible for her death. At any point I could've stuck my arm out to help her, and I didn't.

I still talk to her mother on occasion, I promised I would keep an eye on her and try and check up on her every now and again seeing as she's alone now, and to try and atone for what I'd done but over time my contact with her has become less and less. Now we talk every month or two (if even that) when I'd originally messaged her at least once a week.

​

Fast forward a few years and I was still in the same position at the flying school, it had now been about 4 years of attendance which is already double the time it should have taken for me to pass and gain my full license. I was just going through the motions, I was failing all of my exams and I was still massively depressed. Eventually I decided to try and do something with my life and live for myself, so I quit, and tried to start saving money by getting a job without my father knowing, just to give me as much time and money as possible before I had to fend for myself.

​

I got a shit job working as night staff at a BP petrol station, and it was fucking miserable. I took the job because it was the first one that was available to me, and I worked there for approximately 6 months. I managed to save enough money to be able to rent a room in a house, where I'm still currently staying. For my own sanity sake I quit that job when I got a job offer working at an insurance firm effectively cold calling Sky customers to ask if they wanted electronics insurance and I worked that job for 6 months as well, but it made me massively more depressed because of how shitty I was making people's day. I wasn't even originally hired for that job, the job I applied for was internal recruitment but the agency lied on the job listing and told me the role they had available was 'similar' and that I'd be happy doing that instead.

​

I quit that job in November of 2018, and I'm still unemployed. I've maxxed out my credit card and I've got 1 month until my overdraft on my current account runs out, at which point I'll be homeless. I genuinely just feel trapped in my shit fucking life. I quit the insurance job to finally find something that I could be proud of and make me happy, but in the 200+ applications I've sent off in the last 3 months, only 2 people have come back to me. Am I really that undesirable? I get it, I don't have qualifications or experience, but no one wants to hear me out or give me a chance.

​

I recently started talking to one of my exes and started going out for coffee with her, but now I've realised she's not interested in me either and is talking to me less and less, when right now I just need someone more than ever just to talk to. 

​

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So I have no friends, no job, no qualifications, no experience, I don't have anything and I'm soon to be homeless. What the fuck is the point in going on? I literally have nothing going on for me. What else can I do other than finish what I'd started years ago and kill myself? As I said, it's not like anyone would even care or notice.",6.030440185830429,6.085000629965157,7.00044425087108,75.30015534262488,66.39372822299651,9.843786295005806,32.693089430894304,9.606745405546679,2.964720092915215,5764,224,1096,108,84,1937,463,1435,0.133,0.752,0.115,-0.9865,22,5,6,0,0,3,179.0,6,2,3,19,64,57,10,2,59,0,111,20,6,13,8,205,211,116,4,29,48,11,9,7,3,6,9,4,3,4,52,86,1,2,16,0,9,26,32,20,3,8,76,19,179,37,186,110,34,204,0,7,3,4,93,92,7,20,93,800,231,33,0.0249893301612488,0.05921653991114448,0.024385981483166067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02215153341804369,0.0,0.025023204455227658,0.051762819318791835,0.027576347231997127,0.0,0.041586249095320466,0.3519870742606557,0.3947420277372779,0.03398720286058761,0.02620349153390441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017473120679611952,0.0,0.020564089493786544,0.0,0.023361650389159026,0.0,0.04695659656987932,0.019215252394704826,0.04173009375924918,0.07616631861860203,0.05519750370227928,0.021264079416087867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655070020772807,0.05716227294190745,0.05095657510188818,0.0,0.0,0.04305219045481082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059855840200366085,0.027650218518765774,0.0,0.06446420255320565,0.0,0.08609309380263762,0.0,0.025934979400952542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051145521730150495,0.0,0.0,0.08693906819939648,0.0,0.041750757577827376,0.0,0.02213312929671263,0.05164131625117473,0.0,0.0990313013491143,0.04520855959400203,0.08421835376729737,0.023878375863290745,0.0,0.07333307992263417,0.02355771648259474,0.0,0.1010828493990937,0.05355714738090121,0.0,0.05474917944567938,0.022839795047494373,0.021255911469353,0.0,0.0,0.057920083481601485,0.09240893224549174,0.09139125528880054,0.04794408508621344,0.07101006104988622,0.02095986452851641,0.09993125074352688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532032132627111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02656248940764744,0.028164791260923507,0.0,0.05024946376383787,0.05280519864958064,0.02506633565717285,0.0,0.0,0.02883433187438971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975766512176784,0.04442332967536496,0.0276469913461334,0.0520450838024201,0.02746696465835975,0.02036963936288484,0.0,0.07938027739899027,0.0,0.0,0.08825351457590676,0.08545967119874559,0.0,0.06619810907440382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02124503487619056,0.0,0.02364550841529934,0.033361143855924806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050366734498716384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967746953555472,0.02655970321513755,0.018370032977698063,0.09264635837956624,0.038546623927386496,0.0,0.0,0.046901587065363334,0.02448423782085014,0.02397793625567967,0.05690103603349375,0.026222098346435102,0.05322564211644161,0.10160050107725987,0.01900551164997369,0.0,0.0,0.02774769385622449,0.0,0.0,0.051973365251122235,0.06545915764021436,0.02610853131070292,0.0,0.1417379656062213,0.028171715040956107,0.0,0.02542313260035021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063169144957526,0.0,0.0,0.12807043831732154,0.0,0.0246739487989796,0.0,0.0,0.0426815028366524,0.04754115096474841,0.0,0.0,0.1517432174390927,0.03982652151806526,0.022749347645197197,0.0,0.0,0.07695356491259449,0.0206714321419976,0.02808905411313391,0.0,0.0,0.042346756704369284,0.05771402167902169,0.0,0.05594701841784856,0.15918818856757538,0.053270602031428985,0.09978255673403504,0.0,0.0286251932695771,0.0,0.0,0.027334271263997813,0.0567151914600498,0.0,0.0,0.01878886632074852,0.1004273850230454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657183500715206,0.0,0.0,0.023878375863290745,0.02776406528584796,0.10179668902065096,0.0,0.024410944475851157,0.026014773993921814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791483504258934,0.0,0.020044933322194883,0.0,0.06740522673860277,0.046330718833726615,0.02254898362886213,0.0,0.0,0.024088822529117492,0.0,0.07277011991549967,0.0,0.0,0.1065102190058543,0.0,0.3947420277372779,0.0804615465823596
suicidewatch,mynameisnotsteve101,2019/02/09,My life is a joke. Always has been always will be. I'm just so tired. Literally everyday I think about ending things. Idk how I've managed to keep going these last few years. I just lie to myself and hope it will get better. It never does and these last few months have been worse. No good friends. Job problems. My pet is the only thing relying on me. Money problems. Now my mom is sick in a different state and I cant even afford to go visit her in the hospital. The thing I feel so terrible about is that all I can think about is how if she passes away I'll have nothing and no one who cares so ill finally be able to do it. ,0.6613311688311683,2.7542377954545465,2.6583549783549785,92.7968181818182,83.92424242424242,5.892640692640692,18.51948051948052,7.1686216300943375,0.2064571428571429,487,12,109,7,14,163,89,132,0.17800000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.125,-0.8343,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,0,0,5,0,17,4,0,2,2,18,27,10,0,4,3,1,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,10,4,0,1,3,1,1,4,4,3,0,1,2,1,12,6,11,21,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,9,76,22,2,0.16573906150212098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758163524983177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571730407752138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658273125665525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898201913082495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731620435086683,0.0,0.0,0.14503936961633204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679561453114726,0.0,0.0,0.10946908699983404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380264939706973,0.0,0.0,0.18155904061424927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280495877830205,0.0,0.08659181900736243,0.0,0.188386656219653,0.139014061351467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461628483529211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644704445841287,0.14731649311296247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019891204418595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706640062531055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941115857023636,0.13229133764811218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782818171947702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903109951849267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230907743446276,0.12605202476050892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171797966167037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33032900377740865,0.2123977967211421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049266999580694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890226315481582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673052163878444
suicidewatch,thelividartist,2019/02/09,"Yeah it’s the same post from r/depression. Thought it would fit in here though. This is stupid. I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m so done. I’m this close to ending it. I don’t know why I’m still holding on. I don’t think I was even wanted in this world. No one really cares. Parents have to pretend to care. But if I die, I’ll be one less thing to look after. They’ll have more money and time to focus on the foster kids. I’ll stop being a waste of resources. Especially if I incinerate my self to save them the cost of a funeral. College counseling only pretends to care now after several other students killed them selves. Suite mates don’t fucking care. I’m pretty sure they want me to kill my self. I need to get rid of this last shred of giving a fuck. Maybe do something illegal and force my self into a coma. The voices are telling me to do it. For once, I might just listen to them. I’ve only been diagnosed with ADHD and depression and OCD. Clearly there’s more there, but I don’t care anymore. There’s only one way to cure them. But I’ll be sure to write some kind of will. Don’t want my stuff to go to waste. 
There’s so much more to me. So many reasons I want to die. Why the hell am I still holding on. ",-0.26233477011494344,1.905808785440616,1.877527538314176,96.12882004310345,89.49808429118772,4.79506704980843,17.351652298850574,6.322622252153567,-0.3085163793103449,947,24,218,10,32,316,139,261,0.156,0.723,0.122,-0.922,2,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,6,0,14,16,6,0,9,1,24,4,0,1,3,35,48,14,5,8,6,1,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,4,11,8,0,3,4,2,2,1,7,7,0,3,4,3,24,9,35,37,7,21,1,1,1,2,17,9,3,4,9,137,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170745761694355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096610062282381,0.06811522676522314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966082950903823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678077635590543,0.09887474599555107,0.20220394919020335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968994304319707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628127446224826,0.0,0.0,0.06434206069937012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011823676060135,0.05089561105638005,0.09344988475667952,0.055363509469365815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155517745740036,0.10144331828925528,0.05353704585923154,0.07940668583303859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818045382927677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876409103668676,0.09786702670580166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334251802724044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071611647678972,0.0722324057128464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374439543350501,0.1980339201346244,0.22226677642149692,0.0,0.0,0.10816845450132236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932971813298099,0.09910664923042528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062406904209194286,0.1001594234368651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048770336687207,0.11005185809937404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499525979135463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559238910501208,0.08144377275692723,0.0,0.0,0.11151751331467616,0.0,0.0,0.18362603076855846,0.0,0.0,0.07829893960802234,0.08514549594045426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471857152951534,0.062419959385725574,0.09571029616948812,0.07733707570130062,0.05680379825636475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298328923373585,0.07732393969144045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580478740668307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920122105856963,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giraffes_are_cool33,2019/02/09,Having asperger's is depressing and extremely frustrating. I wish if I've never existed at all. ,4.707647058823528,8.042353000000002,7.854411764705888,53.88985294117651,77.82352941176471,15.164705882352939,37.911764705882355,12.161744961471696,8.128552941176471,79,5,10,5,2,29,16,17,0.293,0.556,0.151,-0.4243,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5281887348529131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729738850303353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7052037751272964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a-t-o-m-i1,2019/02/09,"I'm suicidal alot, but My dad disapproves of some of the coping method that I felt give me happyness (making new identies for myself, self harm, and venting anger by pretending in my head to be proactivly fixing the world's problems), l get very broken by my inability to fix the problems of the world and I have mental health issues (and also PTSD). 

My dad loves me and helped me alot in life, but gets angry at me for a few of the things I found very theraputic: 

1. Creating a new identity for myself made me feel like I could be a fresh being who wasn't useless trash for once in my life and could help people, but my dad got upset with me trying to declare myself a new seperate person with a new (and female)name in the middle of highschool even though the identity gave me alot of happiness that I rarely felt in life and my one highschool friend embraced it/accepted me in a identity where I finally felt consistant happiness. even though dad said he'd try and accept when I'd be older (even though I already knew who I was) and he got very angry when I tried to do it on offical form for a university a couple of years later and he was being more furious this time telling me he'd never under any circumstances accept me as what is the identity who I want to be.

2. hurting myself takes my mind away from suffering, and part of me feels that maybe it is helping people in the world as in: if I inflict myself more pain, then maybe there will be less pain in the world to go to the people who are suffering and it will make things easier on them. but dad says that when I hurt myself that I'm hurting him, and he gets angry at me for doing it. 

3.The fantasies I make and act out when I need escape greatly helped when I was in primary school (which is grades k-6 in my country) but years later my dad saw me doing them and told me they weren't normal, and his words were that I looked like a ""fucking spastic"" and that it was no wonder I was bullied.

My dad wants me to be happy and is glad that the escapism of reading comicbooks gives me so much joy, but he also says my suicidal thoughts are selfish, and that he'd never want to lose me.

If he doesn't want me to kill myself, why doesn't he like me doing some of the things  that significantly make me feel better?",11.30086244541485,6.158621024017473,10.697330786026203,69.35224072052404,60.375545851528386,13.895414847161572,40.41539301310043,10.686352973137794,4.0458379912663744,1791,54,361,28,16,587,204,458,0.183,0.6659999999999999,0.151,-0.9806,0,0,1,0,0,4,40.0,0,0,3,2,16,33,4,1,25,0,36,9,1,5,2,66,74,41,3,12,8,7,6,3,1,2,6,3,0,2,25,22,0,0,12,3,0,2,7,18,0,1,21,11,64,15,51,38,12,45,0,7,2,2,41,24,1,8,22,255,89,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827201497110449,0.1198908621665289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097532470916475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042732428453415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629596890263284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969881340217617,0.08294173975157644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853098571686835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370598277348162,0.05355139088549736,0.2159198719848595,0.08211494224022127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082189697106559,0.057913858043715835,0.06929924987595322,0.11749041290715888,0.14381679570269287,0.0426014571953272,0.0,0.1199046117714242,0.08264359041336519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23938872664180905,0.0,0.0,0.07693051687250937,0.07967890315614913,0.0,0.0,0.2009762511558648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240738474881837,0.0,0.0,0.07823869451775711,0.0,0.0,0.08293205927428016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588392518449483,0.1098649102074548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629474643111487,0.08386099066260387,0.0,0.0,0.06765426587638829,0.07092890075875648,0.20014534855376112,0.0,0.1506146553569958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755419813788103,0.0,0.075688163333729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510417552143528,0.05558184026961005,0.11562744243476199,0.2895870803555032,0.0,0.0,0.07344481852736202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798298818784435,0.05079479036341448,0.0,0.15952530688305608,0.0,0.0,0.08117430230214909,0.0,0.1559033369572309,0.06545212187825684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345306403266847,0.08762414993183844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498021790404225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130406163214258,0.11922229427973635,0.0,0.07586345379367307,0.0,0.0,0.07819955794085558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639879997287414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636054049790001,0.0,0.0655182851565663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940014539448332,0.0,0.2209432598021632,0.05950981344352407,0.04370973955849994,0.0,0.0,0.07162742801469149,0.0,0.1526786213749581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855493847048448,0.1768532417621751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763967997353545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129084941663925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654347797814518
suicidewatch,theseconddennis,2019/02/09,I think I'm going to do it this year. I can't stand life anymore. I can't stand emotions. I can't stand people. I can't stand society. I can't stand myself.,-2.599166666666669,-0.9691848055555552,0.8444444444444449,99.695,105.38888888888887,3.5111111111111115,14.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.9784666666666664,121,3,30,1,6,43,18,36,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740493322402151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376876758699299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716594325104173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33762680009383095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313862547791536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30628424582499186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078174805133383
suicidewatch,Venomsnake566,2019/02/09,"Leap of faith into death... I've been through a lot for the past years... All I want to say is that don't kill yourself with dangerous methods, something's been going on I wasn't a crazy theorist when I went through shit but I gotta tell you there's been stuff going on on earth, something evil ....    
something that makes you go through s*** what I mean to say is things that make you sad and feel like shit was tailored by people wanting to live a better life (something to do with 'e')....    
All I want to say is they want you die and when you die really painfully they want to make you think you did it... And what's worse is that you after you've killed yourself you come back into life again to lead a probable s*** life and the same loop might continue...    
I've been thinking about methods leaving the world painlessly without coming back and it might have to do with constant unwilling will to live type of silence and it might break the codes we might have been implanted with which makes us feel like shit... Again it all has to do with limited resources or basically a f*** fest of people... ",2.077293868921778,4.4175829302325615,2.6008985200845696,93.82172832980976,80.16279069767442,5.7695560253699805,23.261099365750532,6.980632752743323,0.6859767441860463,850,29,179,10,22,262,111,215,0.195,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.9869,0,0,6,0,0,0,39.0,2,9,2,3,8,13,7,0,9,0,24,7,3,5,3,44,45,10,5,5,3,0,2,2,0,6,4,3,0,0,13,16,0,1,5,0,0,7,3,9,0,0,9,5,19,4,31,30,5,25,1,1,0,0,17,6,3,6,13,116,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872171941877108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552850052152483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666071217193144,0.0,0.10450471112783616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007308907721127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779480681271607,0.13817341353002674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488055673337745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139814770731772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023975737278556,0.0,0.0,0.20491868901126736,0.0944912255904638,0.0,0.1707861442841749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221588899788568,0.0,0.0,0.25820772863734864,0.0,0.0,0.10534106394325222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103586657197914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290188467554036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231671400513512,0.13408737471240564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426530514635196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061952269094694826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23071321440654435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978016175410448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29779567336628393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070510676964772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452520988738804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424709588831172,0.1239304583281882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632527795853745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285198195883235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964732839988945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322102649797162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855156319218536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227542219596165
suicidewatch,kingplacenta,2019/02/09,"blood, so much blood. I’ve started cutting again, I went a year clean but fell right back into it, same with my suicidal thoughts. It’s just getting too much again, the mundane days, the constant crying and freaking out because of my anxiety and depression. It’s just redundant. 

My family could care less about me so it wouldn’t even matter if I died, and my friends only think of me as a fucking therapist. They could care less about my personal life. My girlfriend could care less if I was dead since she only talks to me if she wants to talk about herself. I love her so fucking much that it seems like she doesn’t even want to try anymore. 

I’ve stopped taking my anti depressants because I hate the way the make me feel, I don’t want to be so dependent on a useless ass pill. I just want to be done with this life and move on to the next. 

I think a lot about if I were gone. It would make me a lot more fucking happy for it to be that way. 

I was told once that slitting your wrists doesn’t hurt if you’re too high or drunk out of your mind to care, so maybe I’ll try that. I’m just a fucking pussy when it comes to pain like that dude, cutting is one thing because of my pain tolerance but to go that deep? I just...I just don’t know. 

I’m a fuck up in everything, my life, my relationship, college, work, everything!

Life is worthless. I am worthless. ",3.039953917050692,4.227116344086024,3.802181259600616,91.4661290322581,73.73118279569894,7.1780849974398375,26.547363031234003,7.62386473244151,1.2019986687147974,1056,37,236,13,21,336,141,279,0.251,0.605,0.14400000000000002,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,1,1,22,26,8,0,12,0,19,18,4,3,0,47,52,19,3,14,13,0,1,2,2,2,7,0,1,1,16,10,1,1,6,1,0,6,5,17,0,1,8,1,35,9,29,36,10,28,0,6,0,7,16,10,6,10,12,152,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741131317901193,0.0,0.08739104302376413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677585937856908,0.0,0.16115081511554502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35937554210741096,0.0,0.0,0.0759073007392712,0.0,0.09522606782218604,0.0,0.2110691797603176,0.0,0.09679532951138084,0.05682990294372672,0.0,0.1517947006601343,0.0,0.09145431441502523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017702603337896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164044336992786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839257084573946,0.0,0.08307139083442312,0.0,0.04455595736164257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808104534265078,0.4073261160960073,0.04603889522965389,0.0,0.05008044424857275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380503678824813,0.0,0.08699993945922371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310327888421696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433393881754104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842827100529253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489661409165276,0.08610164804601089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498323996551119,0.07953145064653365,0.0,0.11764113987815915,0.0,0.08852806156418723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897575561165191,0.0,0.0,0.0936572731003493,0.19433430955743236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937162782265188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384458213373167,0.05971217499085786,0.13403797328570696,0.18753110253866254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769427046977719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460755728998052,0.0,0.07525372431924189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022084614434527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289350900558929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237156228850034,0.0,0.0,0.07367199731446944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638862633495793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625503191787778,0.14165452000226475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231373904883788,0.05854279911797446,0.1129270642694614,0.0,0.0699571819981845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420212949316377,0.0,0.11965495531697792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079010789147712,0.13989059898523598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168782519137345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415217575348031,0.0,0.0,0.06259769162709028,0.0,0.0,0.05674618410679784
suicidewatch,Instaquwwn,2019/02/09,"Told my doctor I was ""a little depressed"" but I can't afford treatment anyway I have a pretty concrete plan to kill myself. I haven't started yet, but I'm close. I went to my doctor to get a sick note recently, and the nurse asked me if I was depressed, to which I answered ""a little"". My doctor stared playing 20 questions with me about depression, but even if I had been honest, I can't afford therapy or anti-depressants anyway.  I have a $7000 insurance deductible. A local group offers 5 free therapy sessions, but I used all of those already. I have no friends to talk to, and I'd rather die than beg my family for money. I can't say I really want help, but I don't not want it either. It doesn't matter what I want anyway because I'm not going to get it. I don't want to beg for free healthcare, and suffer through trying to ""get better"" however long that takes. I just want it to end. If a handgun didn't cost $200 I would have shot myself already",2.9485956006768177,4.182342167512694,4.746213197969542,84.4264940778342,74.0253807106599,7.0807445008460235,25.3160744500846,7.554174236665415,1.3117562774957698,745,24,149,9,15,254,109,197,0.209,0.6409999999999999,0.15,-0.8607,3,0,0,1,0,2,29.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,1,0,8,0,17,4,0,1,1,30,34,12,2,10,14,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,1,4,2,11,5,0,0,7,2,27,8,17,26,2,11,0,4,1,0,9,4,0,5,5,101,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744545548395091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162538189690567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580479348612668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099806437511596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284222550501984,0.0,0.12905939220987922,0.0,0.0,0.3818435021568247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014036952084452,0.0,0.0,0.08213437255452162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722949627577745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607527418621363,0.0,0.19490885283080492,0.0,0.07067301020912428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335158926962655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375788214211081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24926992954992602,0.0,0.11004901285349956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265123056682226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930447904179116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966409320089568,0.0,0.12278416674959955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889096495167804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801811015284354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349842273556662,0.09995070419701764,0.0,0.0,0.28441833248820914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882518309469592,0.0,0.0844279239688463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740157409195036,0.0,0.0,0.36673484263895867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527702260499866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883372215603907,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ambienty,2019/02/09,"I tried to hang myself within an inch of my life and the hospital let me out before midnight. Funny how the healthcare system works. Here's my story. 

Finally determined to kill myself I wrote my suicide note on the computer. I went downstairs and used a thin but (well it seemed) sturdy enough rope to hang myself on the closet door. I remember it hurting a lot and my vision getting increasingly blurry. While a big pounding pulsating headache happens.I must have passed out because I do not remember the rope breaking. I remember waking up completely confused and my first thought was ""How did I get from my computer to here?"". The rope broke and apparently I woke up 2 minutes later. Well 2 minutes after I attempted. I could've been thrashing around. Should've recorded myself. Despite all of that happening and my parents calling the police, the hospital let me home within 5 hours. Now I'm high on drugs and contemplating trying again.",4.11561403508772,7.045491116959068,4.883421052631579,76.97144736842105,76.42690058479532,7.542690058479532,30.552631578947373,8.515128840125781,2.9979614035087714,755,36,118,16,18,243,111,171,0.107,0.84,0.053,-0.8761,2,0,1,0,0,4,21.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,1,1,12,0,8,3,1,3,2,25,18,11,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,3,10,0,0,5,0,0,5,1,4,2,1,7,1,23,2,18,8,4,29,0,2,0,0,3,14,0,3,8,86,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360687162771634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149001330436823,0.0,0.12771070887807662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325287930163173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736056241341767,0.0,0.0,0.11983012341928136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405017183648658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550772308733182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441004523832622,0.0,0.12766165270935298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682573373492567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327190755717957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857233271249482,0.1505468180922695,0.0,0.14780283087488089,0.0,0.16066837722071986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604607206693456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30694278776818273,0.10600899937331336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759632858241696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665088493928512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100488592311195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663113542003766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641678951382061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915019183416987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379481380906586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296246713524911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26988767051479834,0.13912967566819473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926317826531272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nabizzabells,2019/02/09,"I dont wanna have another day. I dont wanna go into work today and pretend I like people. I just wanna ditch work or call in sick and go to the gun store. That's the only logical plan my brain can piece together right now. I just have a dead end job and I dont have kids so I'm lucky enough to just be in a position to let go and ditch this world granted I can actually muster up the courage.

I'm not really envious of the people who I know that are my age and have it together like a nice paying job and wife etc. I'm envious of the people who feel like me and actually make it out. Like help me go with you, don't let me fester in here. I remember someone posted something about how suicide takes courage and focus to pull off and it gets harder as you get older. I feel like once i hit my late 20's to 30 I might lack the mental capacity to be able to follow through and just be doomed. 

I have the money for a gun and ammo. do they usually make you wait to get bullets once you purchase a fire arm? I heard that was the case. ",2.4567320627802687,3.196344748878925,4.555938901345289,87.2229666479821,74.60538116591928,7.906838565022423,23.802970852017932,8.278499904357787,1.1648118834080714,801,22,184,13,16,278,121,223,0.116,0.74,0.14300000000000002,0.5171,2,0,1,2,0,1,14.0,0,4,1,3,9,12,2,0,13,0,20,3,2,3,0,35,40,15,2,4,6,1,3,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,9,14,0,1,5,1,4,6,5,3,0,0,2,4,25,9,25,31,4,24,1,1,0,0,12,9,0,3,13,117,34,5,0.1155621219563386,0.0,0.22554392198576814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211769609182522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900554679163131,0.11800184713723305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452800844601933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40631383881316296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235373939828313,0.11940656368329552,0.1288823134486744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168633622287589,0.16511520603202415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112931721449305,0.0,0.2627064681517311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745885440234968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935514902744975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350992001662338,0.0,0.1303591070984816,0.0,0.0,0.23634019854732755,0.0,0.2822890775980831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427722752087872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645943843082825,0.12259314926497344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461397766876869,0.0,0.08789020117644948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403486742091758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067656851318253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403205446248165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090935668719458,0.09868942073000628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791541092034554,0.0889653673364485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640620492885996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688833382763937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953937929035766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272753508412923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826120224488858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slapmejesus,2019/02/09,"Scared of life and death The future freaks me out, I don't know how to live yet today I don't want to die. I have hope, hope that I can get better and make the most of out life. I'm constantly searching for meaning and some purpose in life, it's hard for me to sum up how I feel at the moment. I'm forever doubting myself and my abilities, forever in solitude, lost in my own head. I struggle to work out what I should do, do I strive for money, fame, love? Why can't I just be like most people and find distractions until death, I seem to focus more on the end rather than live in the now. I fear reality itself....I fear the future yet I still have hope. ",2.631870503597124,3.432663302158274,4.177762589928059,89.86750719424464,74.25179856115108,7.286618705035972,22.533093525179854,7.554174236665415,0.6751231654676251,505,12,116,6,10,169,83,139,0.208,0.638,0.154,-0.6582,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,8,14,0,6,6,0,10,5,1,3,0,27,24,8,3,6,2,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,1,2,17,6,22,21,5,21,0,1,0,1,1,10,0,8,12,76,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090709469618914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217015541365618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535076881979358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111173519825182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585624085244387,0.08055783756484146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145617145570241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323901141821377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427209473923704,0.0,0.16351002640751752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747271845114063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755903857087842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376008808930631,0.07783653396848468,0.0,0.281367956397071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173918453745238,0.0,0.1437940527341296,0.0,0.10634847053478468,0.0,0.0,0.1735480358236091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104536048858319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950881354272758,0.0,0.0,0.14504049010904396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723451378697745,0.0,0.0,0.16655763114647926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101834065928713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939720653336782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437630514948607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598809361975534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jojo_reference,2019/02/09,"What a meaningless fucking struggle life is. What's the point of stressing out, for 5 years, to get a degree, then have to stress out  through 40 more years of working?

What's the point of having to deal with daily pain and suffering? There's no reward, there's no point in still fighting. Why the fuck are we here? Just to suffer?

I don't want to play this stupid fucking game anymore. I want to blow my brains out but sadly my family doesn't think the way I do, and they'd probably get sad.

I'm the closest I've ever been. I want to put the noose around my neck but I just can't. I'm trying to find the courage to do it. 

FUCK",1.002602660497395,2.9256057669172932,2.329323308270677,96.58460381723543,81.55639097744361,5.2953152111046835,20.0052053209948,6.297961479604792,-0.09298681318681323,489,13,113,4,13,157,82,133,0.303,0.6509999999999999,0.047,-0.9811,0,0,0,0,2,1,16.0,1,0,1,2,8,17,6,3,9,0,11,8,2,0,1,18,23,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,14,0,0,1,0,10,3,20,21,1,16,0,4,0,4,5,9,4,0,5,69,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335961531633695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868450624326824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137107284796576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490297519964784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307581807639048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627349235982406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321205575338452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345546938575129,0.1510479353797748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021033991403465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538166028781723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099533073888356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585462876833026,0.0,0.0,0.14531759837487418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154417279177776,0.0,0.3311742935018586,0.15112016515922255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262494148325327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814328660816453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557866716011869,0.11474094920369556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043831096871608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523768706163733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861772292157768
suicidewatch,Throw__Catch,2019/02/09,I think about how I'd be better off dead every single day. I want to die. Life is too hard for me. I can't take it anymore. I struggle at literally everything and all for nothing. I hate every single moment I'm awake. Sleep is the best time of my day because that way my conscience is dead at least for some time.,0.6970129870129895,2.7987821212121244,2.7477489177489183,92.1559090909091,83.84848484848484,4.983549783549783,20.034632034632033,6.18269132825596,0.03751774891774984,244,7,53,2,7,82,49,66,0.211,0.64,0.149,-0.7005,0,0,0,0,1,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,1,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,6,10,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,2,9,9,6,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322631175333016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276593045350222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577807953191086,0.20713055487557056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020787936639137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430622572170052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946466054456888,0.0,0.21048354056571827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097968813386392,0.2312236639458917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654221360928932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247208767590889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23436878220713075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448363202187568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608898730422626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006567660473086,0.0,0.0,0.2731273939601241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813701912835302,0.18589677791736892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UselessConfessor,2019/02/09,"I’m not actively suicidal, but I think it’s eventually inevitable. I am incredibly optimistic and idealistic at heart, but I’ve disappointed myself so many times now I just can’t keep it up. I long so much for a meaningful connection and validation, but I can never leave a significant impression. I feel like I don’t matter to anyone, and that I’ll never be satisfied with my life. And to top it off I think I’m gay and can’t comprehend how I am going to live with myself if that is the case. So while I have never attempted suicide and don’t actively consider it, I feel like I’m gradually moving towards a point where I’ve had enough and will just end it all.",6.735383795309168,5.865839425373138,8.518997867803844,68.08111940298508,65.19402985074626,13.030277185501067,34.81449893390192,12.28987398476788,4.419640938166311,529,21,104,18,7,189,81,134,0.109,0.679,0.212,0.934,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,4,0,12,3,1,1,4,28,21,16,2,1,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,1,2,14,3,10,18,3,17,0,1,0,1,0,7,0,1,10,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267855338315682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806337177975786,0.19606386462501485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19188796432007904,0.2711167996497925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078400630145226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485625917181504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686597152810765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091927796925216,0.0,0.0,0.13402698761845555,0.18540584633892668,0.0,0.16755391532970632,0.1679239704901549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237808265860912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016756517330188,0.1394890727176041,0.0,0.4390438085674401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793763554597689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151143502742139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24317000197558805,0.0,0.0,0.11064553606053712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway420217,2019/02/09,"I need someone to talk to please help me I want to die so bad. Killing myself is all I think about lately. The thought of dying feels comforting but terrifying at the same time. I feel like I’m meant to kill myself. I need to die but I’m scared.

I’m in so much pain and I’m so overwhelmed and no one cares. Nobody even suspects that I’m depressed or suicidal. I just need someone to talk to who also has depression and who understands how I feel. I’m desperate.",0.07199519230769269,2.4257717604166693,2.039999999999999,93.5896153846154,91.8125,5.453846153846153,20.92628205128205,7.010146845296331,0.634499358974359,363,13,79,6,13,120,59,96,0.43,0.455,0.115,-0.9943,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,22,20,11,6,4,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,3,10,3,11,18,3,4,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070509034708354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602695275366593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389138399505567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600054130642135,0.0,0.4699495442048994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969314717465452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289564137859497,0.10783016083523576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117058179000817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333981140062778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702646754659374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374069868169003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109568213059914,0.33575591651421793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022795173740742,0.0,0.16060870888741732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568463424154892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111530224727887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25577861086255826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510170971663407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426365467663168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671499684712484,0.0,0.11982793815030293,0.0880131807731578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713181532464746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902716245140838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hiyuumi,2019/02/09,"My life was falling apart since i was born In the year of 1 my dad left me with my mother and alchoholic grandfather. I don't have good memories about my childhood. All i can remember is phisical obuse and my grandfather jumping at my mother with screwdriver. My mom was working in low wage job, so i never had a chanse to study art, music, or any activity whatsoever . When i was 7-10 i remeber my mom's boyfriend, who was very abusive to me. When i was like 12 grandfather died via falling from the stairs while being drunk. 

In school i was mocked and bullied just becouse i didn't talked a lot (which still remains a problem) . I was object of hatred of whole class. Outside the school i was only playing games to escape reality.

So that was until i switched to college, i wasn't bullied anymore but still hasn't talked to anyone and still so remains. But my grades is terrible, my mother had to pay techers to get a minimal grade so i wasn't kicked out in the first year.

In 2017-2018 i was in search for something that keeps me happy. I was trying music, sports, drawing, etc but nothing kept me happy, i was terrible at everything.

Today i visited some sort of talking club with people with same problems as me. After 2 hours of talks i understood that they are talented individuals, they still have future. Im just a failure.

I made up my mind. If don't pass graduation test i will end it, or perhaps i should do it now.",3.2769761904761907,5.224546364285715,4.552857142857143,83.20047619047621,74.64285714285714,7.3809523809523805,28.45238095238095,8.212053250817874,2.0549166666666663,1122,47,215,19,24,370,162,280,0.14300000000000002,0.784,0.073,-0.9398,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,2,14,12,1,0,9,0,31,2,0,1,2,32,36,19,1,4,8,6,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,2,2,6,2,5,7,6,0,1,21,0,40,6,32,12,6,39,0,1,0,0,15,14,0,6,21,151,47,12,0.0,0.14545932493416944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348605967048979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175229816983058,0.08584183886337811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741320588824784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873550028459562,0.0,0.13691813228381913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033544655287172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442590998501323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641409131355276,0.0,0.0,0.10297149241088502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137641601940875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090118516333186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260988726043813,0.0,0.12182772714978142,0.10912132920300104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338716774708678,0.0,0.08671426376848015,0.059977963204770765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437247552560826,0.0,0.11616550703488042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396010337317995,0.28756745151816776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468580743458337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779865646656297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933701597149004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511147544620923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23494369348456065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907156177193314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24849437904960864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155448357196496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945123625399642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39216890050022346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947032272341704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636916519144687,0.0,0.0,0.08335102370439107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129598383579157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370654470420224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937614840524517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811639473148756
suicidewatch,lIRegret,2019/02/09,"4 years ago I tried to kill myself. Had a relapse last night.
Relapse of trying to end my life.

I'm just so sick of it, I'm 23 years old and I have nothing to show for it.
I've been day dreaming for 4-5 years mostly just sleeping and staying in my room most of the time.
No education background only grade 10.
I've been in and out of a Psychiatric hospital three times.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore I'm just so sick and tired of failing at everything even suicide.

It takes time for me to talk my anxiety usually kills everything around me.
",1.5458307210031352,3.493635275862072,3.3744514106583097,89.65205329153606,79.86206896551724,6.631974921630094,25.200626959247646,7.686295010490155,1.3068206896551722,436,17,94,7,11,146,73,116,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,3,0,6,5,1,0,0,13,11,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,10,0,19,8,2,20,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,13,56,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298824786429055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202882914003264,0.0,0.1711602480894278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363930745253135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130454506763712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528611408950896,0.0,0.0,0.11399229864586935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102207135130187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818846022929364,0.0,0.09484947876813757,0.1406817025685823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190352972887784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619615105593467,0.0,0.16560219041856508,0.0,0.1811013624040347,0.0,0.0,0.13126043566471174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727119627645486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395512205998746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878251850140174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976418758559938,0.13871915214459313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019111665686501,0.19836373832225326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435092577638866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008055252106487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33342173112203394
suicidewatch,Press_MIA,2019/02/09,"what if life has been good to you and you still want to go? Hi everyone, 

I just had some running thoughts but I've had them before...just mind surfing over here.

I get the anti-suicide technique of ""this too shall pass"" and reading about people who have endured so much more and made it through, or speaking to someone who will convince you that anything is possible. I get all of that and if were someone I was speaking to I'd want them to follow all that advise. But what if the reason behind your suicidal thoughts are not event based, what if you don't have a ""hard"" life. For example, I am fully (almost too) aware of how awful other people's lives are. I am not sick, I am employed, have family members who love me. If the thoughts come to me its because I set out to be someone I am clearly never going to be. I've read every book, sought professional counsel, made life changes, prayed, meditated. The problem is not life...I agree life can change for the better in an instant. The problem is me. I don't change, over the course of 35 years any change has been for the worse no matter what I do. I failed at the career I set out to have, I have never had a romantic relationship worth talking about, I've lost several friends, I've disappointed countless people, I can't maintain consistency with anything and I am slowly but surely losing the love of even my mother. Deservingly so. I have nothing to be proud of in ANY category of my life and its hard to explain how much MORE painful it can be to not be able to blame anyone or any circumstances. I've been given all the breaks and blessings. So thanks for letting me ramble, but seriously, is it just me who never hears advice for people who believe they have been given great circumstances and opportunities in life? ",4.5966956521739135,5.9324981768115945,5.251710144927539,81.9897391304348,70.13043478260869,7.60695652173913,29.45217391304348,7.976525956113202,1.950794782608696,1401,54,266,18,25,452,172,345,0.152,0.7,0.14800000000000002,-0.3484,1,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,5,3,6,14,20,0,0,14,1,43,10,0,5,8,54,64,24,1,9,17,1,2,0,1,2,8,3,0,0,19,12,0,0,5,3,1,6,11,8,0,0,17,5,32,12,38,39,8,23,2,4,0,2,25,8,0,9,6,193,51,8,0.08679156049593595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481170842885555,0.0,0.0,0.08690921082174109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706371203998644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060686677103054636,0.0,0.1428441183358733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052907329708182765,0.0,0.0,0.09778436768797563,0.0,0.07676008221730342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672558514178642,0.07476324431728068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057325007156863776,0.0,0.07312563300713587,0.08293305542448076,0.0,0.0,0.0818193589844928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670549443433856,0.0,0.0906900163391411,0.0,0.09865128788427384,0.07279664314629415,0.0,0.09568800184789412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554963812090588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782039649740226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875025091522555,0.4291241213676213,0.0,0.0,0.07663853801301154,0.0,0.0,0.097097555773566,0.09474324083804847,0.0,0.15666554383268494,0.1642485461467894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763473460817013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760356665891073,0.0,0.2008170059533523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327884307718153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923523396276787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406813598850905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784444378757297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609560387666986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363009504962645,0.0,0.0,0.08923617930381036,0.0,0.0931816551378514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980497591248975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206146226768416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931185232528361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898717606845236,0.0,0.08180001863149182,0.0,0.0,0.06975976872075322,0.0,0.07990600809075563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670841296716697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023838221445926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884480149558111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055890919386295784
suicidewatch,revenaraSFM,2019/02/09,I am a compulsive liar and today all of my lies have been exposed and I have no clue what to do other than to kill myself. I lied so much about my life and to people that I hold dear that I essentially dug my own grave. And today my thinly weaved web of lies have crumbled and I am in deep shit. I honestly have no idea what to do. I lie unnecessarily and backstab people I am just a horrible person. I really don't know anymore.,3.6016666666666666,4.112822722222223,5.731111111111113,80.69000000000003,71.77777777777777,8.666666666666668,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.6040000000000003,335,9,72,6,6,118,55,90,0.312,0.632,0.055,-0.975,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,2,0,11,2,1,0,1,11,12,7,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,15,2,9,11,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797644824787152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31845324456459884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312098601514216,0.0,0.15503316708842127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925349657771813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737379812257314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911411651219058,0.24631627241742926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071860059620395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28956857897080746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347900576111247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beef_noodles2167,2019/02/09,"Death day Hi,my story may sound hilarious but i dont care,i just want to share,so,i have a group of friends(my only group of friends) and we love playing together whether be it fortnite or some other online game,and recently they seem abit off and i said “what happend? Why dont you guys wanna play anymore?” One replied nervously “ we.. dont like playing with you” i replied with “Why? Is it something i did?” They said no,it was because they think their social status at school will drop if they hang out with me,i begged them for a second chance but they said no. So. I became depressed. Until i just didn’t wanna live anymore so yeah. Here i am.
I dont wanna live anymore,i cant trust anyone anymore.",0.16074111334674512,2.556275711267606,1.6724949698189169,95.11532863849766,94.7042253521127,3.831522468142187,20.84641180415829,5.622346879071545,0.02523836351442021,549,20,113,4,21,176,92,142,0.157,0.698,0.145,0.2939,0,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,2,2,7,0,5,9,0,1,2,1,14,1,0,0,0,23,21,10,1,5,7,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,2,0,2,6,4,19,7,14,12,1,8,0,1,0,1,20,3,0,5,4,69,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930674605617462,0.09237781440728376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053602071947137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346999521123202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520318506015477,0.0,0.11379037532672663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6193507456278365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207164899019038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081452845139854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454466990479342,0.0,0.23331976568725946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192388611722447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952447976425798,0.10047933967315388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044753164822642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37701459010020294,0.0,0.0,0.1337073385953012,0.0,0.12027244893391735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467450949288795,0.0,0.10170850952769477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465389748050788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792479479738608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384263078055003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beckp22,2019/02/09,"My last day on earth I’ve been so depressed and lonely for a while now. It’s gotten to the point where I cannot remember what genuine happiness feels like. And then I’ll try and talk to “friends” or people who say they are there for me and they always talk about how it’s just apart of life and their are always ups and downs, and that is just not true. Because who says I can’t take that old glock that’s loaded and pull the trigger and end this shit right here. Which is exactly what I plan to do tonight. I’ve read so many stories about how the victims of a suicide wish they could reach into the casket and pull them out. Well why didn’t you try and help me if you cared so much when I was alive? Where were you when i was feeling so helpless and couldn’t do anything but sit in bed and sob? Where were YOU when I decided it was in my best interest that I end this shit tonight? That’s right, not thinking about me at all. So I’ve finally gotten fed up and I’m sick of it. ",3.2967737525632286,3.767348851674644,3.8388414217361593,94.12938995215313,72.44497607655501,7.119753930280246,24.49794941900205,6.868970318607317,0.5545021189336978,766,20,183,6,14,241,120,209,0.131,0.746,0.123,-0.7042,0,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,5,2,22,15,3,0,6,0,17,5,2,3,3,37,27,29,2,4,7,0,2,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,16,16,1,0,5,1,0,2,6,7,1,0,10,4,21,8,20,15,3,33,0,4,0,0,17,16,3,2,15,123,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455010671941564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587312607185833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324305487782897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052218400261328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595301226266553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212619028515972,0.0,0.0,0.0986466079321578,0.0,0.13174430666393086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709544884223182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546824410820528,0.10927472323962599,0.0,0.16756030868225538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817659083771638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282886661402296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252592817688268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468289365971698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804023946554228,0.07472857665723905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507752944151054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244327047130606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605058902329126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060432711857554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459673191715494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300148930641486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327397112893644,0.26125417267405,0.0,0.24328001562588056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140226811678578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673135187402859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500695617248027,0.24588706249099676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980106533434511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769972941853732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752949619179494,0.0,0.13802269533818315,0.0,0.1758965617409549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vargunos,2019/02/09,"I don’t know how to be happy. Don’t know where to go with this. Currently I am with my student association (no idea how to properly translate that into English) and I have rarely if ever felt this lonely. 
I don’t know why I keep going to these camps. They’re supposed to be fun. I know some of the people like me somewhat, but why can’t I keep focussing on that and be happy.  
I’ve never felt this lonely and I’m with over a 100 people here. 
A friend of mine is also currently going through a lot of shit (horible stuf with a guy she like, won’t bore you with the details) and I’m there for her, but I feel like I can’t cry for myself anymore. So many people are going through worse stuff. Why can’t I just be happy with anything. 
I heard a few days ago that after months of extremely hard work and stress I passed a bunch of exams and papers. Why can’t I be happy about that?
Why can nothing make me happy?",1.5606525735294134,3.2308152552083342,3.318872549019609,91.3839705882353,78.73958333333334,5.559313725490195,20.669117647058822,6.2272716619740125,0.09337647058823473,707,18,155,5,17,236,105,192,0.131,0.688,0.181,0.9085,2,4,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,10,15,1,1,8,0,18,1,1,3,2,35,35,13,0,1,4,0,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,9,13,0,2,8,0,0,5,10,5,0,0,3,5,21,10,25,26,5,17,0,2,0,0,6,4,1,4,11,106,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264547647637957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357991764233863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036499401713957,0.0,0.0,0.08600622961401377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480387194826068,0.06740297216113701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453902051280684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052845487993062205,0.07466492039444372,0.20069992315480065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074736302956058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375911704685775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348542737289383,0.0,0.5562862116334714,0.09362413813195082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179837392297243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579393429662389,0.0,0.0,0.22975294577673086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318098445513673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885418186258466,0.0,0.0,0.06976399804926361,0.10596093083051232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342218707364521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806077455883847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028413326538392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737082922886755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728225977764616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972059087919495,0.0,0.11964368213886364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715387627865876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760875365328337,0.0,0.106508834550772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ValidUsername82,2019/02/09,I'm worn out from hating myself my whole life and need it to stop for once and for all. I hate me. I hate everything about me. My own father must've hated me too for all I was to him was a sex toy. My mother wouldn't believe me when I tried to tell her. It wasn't till social workers stepped in that she had to accept it. She was supportive after that. Then I met a boy. I was 15. Began to feel normal. Appreciated and cared for. Till his father started raping me. But I couldn't tell anyone for fear I'd lose my boyfriend and that one sense of 'normality' I felt i had when I was with him. I never had much friends growing up. Was bullied in school. Always the last picked on the team. I left school. Tried different jobs but never stuck at anything for long coz I was useless. Turned to drugs for a while to help me forget things. Eventually reported my father and boyfriends father to the law but the system let me down. Tried to end my life a few times. Ended up in psych ward on meds for a while. No good. Then I met a guy when I was 20. Swept me away and I thought everything would be okay at long last but once he knew he had me in his clutches he abused me terribly for 11 years. I eventually got out of that situation. Only good thing to come from that relationship was my daughter. I love her more than anything but she deserves so much better than me. I'm just always so tired and worn out. I'm married to a lovely man now. He's wonderful to me and my daughter. He also deserves a million times better than me. If people knew how messed up I was they'd lock me up. People around me that love me only love a version of me that I try to portray. It's not real. The real me is a terrible piece of shit. Useless. Stupid and ugly. I was a warped fucked up kid. A freak. With lots if anger that I took out on everyone close to me. As a grown up I try to do right and do good but I never feel good enough.  I can't tell anyone whats going on in my mind.  Nobody knows the real me. I feel trapped. I don't want to hurt anyone. But I think I'll be doing them all a favour if I just dropped dead. I always mess everything up. I have a very depraved view of myself and no matter what good I do that will always be there. And I'm getting really really tired of it. I'm tired of feeling like a failure and piece of shit. ,-0.1980759451321532,2.00733694081633,1.9676848444295767,95.26253763800604,89.79591836734693,4.682502509200401,17.216460354633654,6.2323464756323474,-0.3394078287052529,1791,45,406,18,61,599,220,490,0.218,0.634,0.14800000000000002,-0.9915,2,1,1,0,1,1,51.0,0,0,2,5,14,38,10,1,22,1,33,15,2,3,6,72,75,37,1,10,13,7,5,1,1,3,6,0,0,4,18,22,0,1,12,2,0,6,11,20,0,2,28,6,74,18,70,38,14,62,0,4,1,7,41,28,3,5,27,276,92,7,0.0,0.08223094966281047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550138091906827,0.2309947025715237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558411983003822,0.0,0.11422515469917525,0.06178319159146629,0.0,0.0,0.06520619973184141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819317068454336,0.0,0.1227622441601217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076076326783147,0.0,0.0,0.05978435267368624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251113716545514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048519497608328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294053275044026,0.07171162792597474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631733385943389,0.18712424017406384,0.0,0.0,0.0780974266001755,0.14036853070413852,0.049581362425328866,0.06663755600424062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362041839873407,0.0641617550373202,0.036260089903217205,0.0,0.03944320127118646,0.29105881018546137,0.05550774605853753,0.0,0.0,0.06871966719055557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27408352095590643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046519222856177295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429711519761731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887155363413199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038141954791700065,0.11314506329565195,0.0,0.0,0.07540632738148335,0.07096904834783363,0.09804247699101662,0.033906694365600135,0.0,0.0,0.1228385589019544,0.0,0.07764396223209442,0.0,0.05900376469513701,0.2505548872266692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709084677072722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007702686156388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020380629709145,0.05146128459234098,0.1605831156261631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599998451781856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782339880767564,0.04702912228203399,0.10556788857640227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962303029566816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369866856002595,0.08892240058578428,0.0,0.0,0.07451261625081039,0.0,0.059269597929232226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047864435207227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248191990946235,0.0,0.0780116365569132,0.0,0.07074739771615662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912364740082701,0.0,0.0,0.058023834686884615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875745629626535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198327558548089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922162510031932,0.044470501328185766,0.0,0.055098057761299765,0.08093864240428653,0.23930487033762024,0.0,0.0,0.07710904616788923,0.2355996715123432,0.07549029897599681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057264564864546126,0.04093555989354988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774857293014668,0.0,0.0,0.07526435822007299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930174616071525,0.0,0.0,0.0446931171374347
suicidewatch,snowflakedust,2019/02/09,"I (F21) have been depressed for almost 15 years, and I'm going to end it on my next birthday in April Actually, I can't believe I am posting this to strangers on the internet. To this day, I haven't told anyone. But I guess, in the end, we're all stories. So here is mine:

I'm the pretty shy and introverted girl next door. My 22nd birthday would be April this year. I'm living with my dad. My mother left us for another guy when I was 4 years old. I remember my dad crying terribly that night, after he put me to bed. I never heard him crying like that. So, 4 year old me snuck in his bed, whispering in his ear that it's gonna be okay and that I loved him. I remember him crying even more, but smiling, and kissing my forehead.

You know, I love my dad. He's the most intelligent and humble and honest and kind man I know. He taught me most of who I am today. Because of him, I know how to play the piano, how to shoot professional-looking photos, how to solve a Rubik's cube, he even taught me how to program (my dad is a very experienced IT guy). He also taught me what a girl needs to know, and he bought me my first bra. I love how he says that he loves me and kisses my forehead, before he's leaving for work.

What he doesn't know is that I'm considering suicide since I'm about 7 years old. I seem to be pretty talented at keeping a facade. But I'm falling apart below.

I learned pretty early that my death won't hurt me. Those who love me will eventually get hurt. In a way, I'm a grenade. Because I wouldn't forgive myself hurting those I care for, I did my best to push everyone away in order to minimize the damage. In a selfish moment, I regret pushing away some beautiful souls that seemed to genuinely care for me. They would've been friends to be proud of.

When I was 7, I sat on a window ledge, planning to jump 4 stories deep. Then I had to think of my dad. I imagined how it might feel, loosing your child, and it physically hurt. The real feeling must be much worse. He would be devastated. I realized that I couldn't do this to him.

When I was almost 12, I sat in the bathtub, planning to cut my wrists with a razor blade. As I started cutting and turning the water red, I realized that I couldn't do that. My dad deserves to know the truth, before finding me like that.

When I was almost 17, I still couldn't bring myself to tell my dad. I couldn't figure out how you are supposed to start: “Hey dad, you know, there's this little secret I got to tell you ...” or “I'm so sorry, dad, but I might not be as happy as I pretend to be ...”?
So, I wrote it all down, apologizing for everything, saying what a great dad he was, saying that he shouldn't dare to waste a single thought on giving himself any fault, and how much I love him. I put it in an envelope titled “I'm so sorry”.
Before he left for work one evening, I told him that I love him. He kissed my forehead and said, “See you tomorrow, honey.” I teared up after he left. I don't cry often, but if I do, there is no tomorrow.
Then I taped the envelope on my room's door and laid in my bed. I tied my belt around my neck and made it as tight as possible. I remember how peaceful I was, maybe even happy. If you don't forget to pad the airway, it's almost comfortable.
As I'm slowly fading away, I hear some noise from the front door. I somehow manage to untie the belt and hide the envelope. Then I find my dad looking for me. I asked him why he is back so early, and he said, “Something felt weird, so I drove back halfway. I just wanted to make sure you are okay … and obviously you aren't, are you?” I panicked. Did the belt left any marks? I just stared at him, unable to say anything. “Red, puffy eyes can't lie to me, honey. You wanna talk?” I didn't find any words, so I just started crying again. He hugged me close trying to comfort me. Then he made us a cup of tea and called his boss saying that he is unable to come to work this evening. I spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on his chest.
Eventually, he asked me what's wrong, and I just said that I was having a rough time lately. I feel terrible for not telling him the truth that night. I guess I'm a horrible daughter, I'm sorry.

So today, almost 22 years old, I'm afraid my dad is still oblivious of my intentions. Time doesn't heal all wounds, that's a lie. Or maybe I'm just unfixable. I don't know who I am anymore. Sometimes, I wish I could be this 4 year old girl thinking it's gonna be okay. But maybe this is just a naïve child's mindset. Something a lot of people seem to like to think. Because reality is just too sad.
And I'm so tired. Tired of living. Tired of going to bed at night, hoping to not wake up in the morning, then realizing that I have to fake my way through the day, and repeat. Tired of my fucked up, depressed mind. I hate that I still pretend being fine when I'm obviously not. I don't want to do this anymore.
This time I fantasize about freezing during a snowy night. My belt would be a close number two, though. I haven't cried for 5 years, since my last attempt. Lots of stuff happened. Lots and lots of tears have been withheld. I feel like I could explode.
My dad is dating one of his colleagues for about 6 years now. She is awesome; very pretty, smart, kind, and so loving. They look so happy together. He deserves this so much. I like to think that she will mend him when he is going to loose me.


P.S.: Thank you, I guess, if you made it this far.
Please resist the urge to post any suicide prevention hotlines. I'm not much of a talker and don't really like to talk with strangers about my problems. Thanks.",1.6394397125365965,3.3986099083045005,3.2704325259515583,91.41291921746077,78.80968858131487,6.037849347883952,22.01503859462337,6.928431444225013,0.4798763907372901,4298,126,950,46,104,1423,422,1156,0.127,0.6809999999999999,0.193,0.9984,0,0,2,1,0,2,182.0,2,13,2,9,63,68,4,1,43,3,81,31,9,15,10,164,182,77,3,23,23,15,8,6,3,13,6,12,9,8,54,33,2,4,35,3,2,13,27,22,0,4,35,30,166,46,117,116,19,126,1,9,7,14,125,42,1,29,72,588,220,10,0.0,0.0,0.038301407058924763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651124979734472,0.0,0.0,0.031387447828777615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676278848618308,0.04115604681722487,0.0,0.0,0.07784901400614908,0.02744384548153295,0.0,0.032298620543175144,0.03493997213511267,0.0733851193761586,0.0,0.11062731187790327,0.06036018720161975,0.0,0.07177756225898882,0.0,0.10019414170527913,0.044220234249786106,0.04118945220207164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040077664173928544,0.0,0.08003403622090736,0.0,0.0,0.0338095776978745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267433886010172,0.0,0.2586794035910135,0.050624775230468655,0.0,0.06761029144907106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952600987304132,0.0,0.0,0.1555417479163531,0.0,0.0,0.03750414534175075,0.035274511665019416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938198764284507,0.02803952623582487,0.03768523913973024,0.0,0.1076187506982704,0.03338521839517352,0.0,0.0,0.030323715503613208,0.03628511048713029,0.020506006539974243,0.0376512612424975,0.06691841184481233,0.0,0.031391047477645914,0.043272211669965775,0.12971174711795866,0.07772545234143817,0.034707801670542826,0.12534401759210947,0.0,0.038750307074682085,0.0,0.0,0.044236527267067456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898315859529124,0.0,0.0,0.16806766163129488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03488635538379938,0.0,0.08174368300527135,0.17256199341890932,0.031993210911765865,0.04427463334730842,0.04155907249701226,0.17057681286145313,0.0,0.0,0.11505060769552268,0.03933785508968299,0.06931525321737582,0.0,0.09887794030252353,0.0,0.0,0.13347254107213108,0.28339037050411314,0.11141518870849584,0.026199042914454528,0.0,0.11829282612132608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327407045674333,0.039630347717303394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541025916884047,0.029102670214625995,0.030271283827745226,0.0,0.08348361117828186,0.1473302831087734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059263563780032,0.0,0.053192338555071925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02721034651376214,0.0,0.0,0.04308366613481738,0.0,0.04424740197873727,0.07517947307444381,0.15972155988246267,0.0,0.0375560362302634,0.0,0.0789122635845713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467400694792142,0.025143943835071896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333845535934574,0.0,0.11200449178604556,0.15606208321926265,0.0,0.0,0.031276407994024216,0.10719257189855323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493443271972807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043166614288273,0.03881830999411405,0.13180828056691582,0.08334203011278563,0.0,0.09403301627589863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493076730760173,0.08586417168110833,0.0,0.03699176127071525,0.0,0.0,0.0630937927396741,0.1029161882742796,0.07227049638473086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059681523192257,0.03856198832194525,0.0311593582864461,0.06865930289647497,0.180444017992926,0.07440701249216865,0.0750082906835015,0.0,0.026647525793471582,0.04269169129580823,0.03834061473834092,0.0,0.09442353922881766,0.0,0.0,0.06476914672607992,0.04630020836325409,0.062308131491054665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035416159129386365,0.0,0.04513446578959986,0.0,0.0,0.08572131861499062,0.0,0.03999813091551548,0.11152558439895946,0.04291267027708103,0.0,0.2274758885823061
suicidewatch,1000waystofry,2019/02/09,"I’m alone in the truest sense of the word. I won’t be noticed for weeks maybe months. And my final words go to internet strangers. I guess you are the only ones I can’t damage anyway. It’s fitting because 100% of my free time is spent with you anyway. If I don’t have strong relationships in real life, I shouldn’t expect there to be too much resistance when snapping them off. At least I can say goodbye here and nobody’s day will be ruined.

It doesn’t always get better

Goodbye",1.7813265306122474,4.039506520408164,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,80.73469387755101,5.144489795918368,20.004081632653055,6.2581,0.07672326530612272,381,10,78,3,10,122,74,98,0.085,0.7879999999999999,0.127,0.6249,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,2,6,6,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,0,1,11,18,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,2,0,1,1,1,11,5,10,11,2,12,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,2,6,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636823011824729,0.0,0.0,0.21184236104814966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519796201409206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251674463607856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419188035756174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788949638770533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301470503700882,0.0,0.1446914719959571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804636737224023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798270659679297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557736005114615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321426963809172,0.0,0.18715567011624665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898566252462895,0.0,0.0,0.1725192862232573,0.19362998820259505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28978337861227044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733383645377556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246313611970027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845563916468507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421971658436106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ynkstdfg13579,2019/02/09,"Theres alot wrong with me and people should be encouraging me to die i have a whole list of sexual perversions that objectify and harm those that i love, i have substance abuse issues that no matter what i try i cant get over. im manipulative, mean spirited, and just a horrible person generally, yet people always tell me suicide isnt thw answer when i discuss it with them. why not? i know they want me gone.",3.3120105820105827,5.3068560740740764,5.238906525573197,78.11222222222223,74.67901234567901,8.579188712522045,23.917107583774253,9.23628265651192,2.0287552028218703,326,10,63,8,7,112,62,81,0.3,0.583,0.117,-0.954,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,16,12,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,13,2,5,9,2,4,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,43,19,0,0.0,0.2897965033224261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035166119500203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538434820883792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778701093928255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641967550134605,0.2552860781955757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344190377691298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075000503573136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26642777676513685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33913271614709617,0.2135646000597152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26753931401798936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378048510156425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660590356019385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442641993962234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070241249908196,0.2730735021428144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674183223067512,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SneakRightByYaBud,2019/02/09,I don’t have anybody in my life to hold me back and so my final words go to strangers on the internet. Classic. Goodbye everyone.,0.2976923076923086,2.71441453846154,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,95.92307692307692,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.177953846153846,102,6,20,2,4,34,24,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40948304002135616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088556599947315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5833610711319498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30264932329301497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761420011435296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cutiexcasca,2019/02/09,"Was given a second chance at life And I didn’t want it.
I still don’t months later. 
I have got no friends, I have got no drive.
People that I thought mattered are never here by my side, it’s always just me. My boyfriend that’s across the country always tries his best to make me feel better, but it just isn’t happening. I need a friend. I need people that will come over and hang out or pull me out of my house and make me do something. (I can do things for myself, just have nowhere to go/no one to go anywhere with) 
I have never been this alone.
I think ultimately my final decision here is going to be just silently killing myself.

This isn’t all that’s going on, there’s so much more. It’s a big mess. My brain is fried and I’m afraid I can’t say anything else 

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suicidewatch,EfficientCandle,2019/02/09,Things do get better! Strictly under the condition that it all goes crap again.,3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428574,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,86.14285714285714,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.1946857142857144,64,2,10,1,2,19,14,14,0.146,0.674,0.179,0.1511,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7229620815952736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270803332834036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5430729393902496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alex00011,2019/02/09,"i don’t know what to do anymore yesterday i felt like shit, i skipped all my classes and just spent the day at school crying. i tried to go to my last class, but after 10 minutes i got a panic attack and started crying again. i was done with it all, and went outside to a bridge nearby. i was gonna jump. i stood there for about half an hour contemplating, still crying. nobody walking by gave a single shit. i was going to jump, there was no reason to try another day. but just when i was ready, i couldn’t. my body just stopped and i couldn’t move. i ended up walking back to school though i don’t really remember it. since then i’ve been feeling even worse and i hate myself so much for not having jumped. i want to die so badly and there is no reason to even try anymore. i’m so done. maybe tomorrow i’ll go outside and try again. i’m just tired and done and i don’t know what to do anymore. i just want to die.",0.6576288659793832,2.668003268041243,2.4259896907216496,94.94620103092787,83.32989690721652,5.1171134020618565,18.978350515463926,6.2581,-0.16506721649484568,710,18,161,6,20,234,102,194,0.307,0.6609999999999999,0.031,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,0,20,7,4,1,5,0,18,4,3,2,2,32,37,17,2,4,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,7,0,1,10,8,6,0,1,15,2,22,1,19,19,4,28,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,17,107,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367062560127597,0.0,0.0,0.3225217243466348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233247436941168,0.0,0.08335567639779567,0.09051247727571367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041196082263435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572287903031667,0.1398227069020372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501164241017566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33280355659364275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601341296124513,0.0,0.0,0.14319910973056227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054812116898083824,0.0,0.10408445514630883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848247906905401,0.0,0.086700261104037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702611130224378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675570892862712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915156619659358,0.08836340174955644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296052287138688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089059857884312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521587023403278,0.07968911845924034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718826675188008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944612145352523,0.22291390905709527,0.0,0.0,0.12280014582749466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942045948004246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225494734685746,0.08967257743552595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672862543441858,0.0,0.08657125431835556,0.09063026288808597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650598577777068,0.0,0.0,0.1245939904186773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943957121170657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787850284779614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049122246881363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047252872074946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__cortex,2019/02/09,"Offering to read bedtime stories Someone from the reddit community helped me when I was in a dark place, and this is my way of giving back I guess. Many people here live really hard lives, made to do things most of us would rather not. I can't help your future but I can give you good memories to look back on and smile. My go to book is Neil Gaiman's Norse Mythology, although I'm more than happy to read any material of your choosing. We could also just have a simple conversation, and I could also be a listening ear, although I'm probably unremarkable compared to other people out there. 

Send me a PM if you're interested. Hang in there everybody.",4.8364216972878395,6.084844015748033,5.98734908136483,77.26970253718285,69.4724409448819,9.423972003499562,28.284339457567807,9.725611199111238,2.6276848643919504,518,18,98,12,9,173,95,127,0.011,0.8370000000000001,0.152,0.958,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,3,0,0,10,3,0,0,5,0,11,1,1,1,0,17,20,10,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,4,14,3,15,14,2,13,0,0,1,0,13,5,0,3,4,68,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678099169008435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386770624263808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575083008782287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738092204091185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212552100308152,0.09516232100731864,0.1404441375660376,0.0,0.0,0.18445851563669816,0.0,0.0,0.1782473210229362,0.14999699305954753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244684546781148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957123545911012,0.0,0.14061084290870954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584396231272903,0.0,0.16976200073497413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321692632814994,0.0,0.17494340948906434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053302284103584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33497875589879184,0.0,0.10726895582214543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418748130736352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124239662651213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014145936004414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290930508187834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894745971835258,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miserywantscompany,2019/02/09,Capitalism is a cruel way to survive. Like we can change it. I think. But it cures all people of their indifferences. ,1.0163636363636357,3.4081583636363675,3.1822727272727285,82.0434090909091,101.72727272727272,5.836363636363638,19.13636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.0455090909090918,92,3,17,2,4,31,21,22,0.156,0.741,0.103,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6234614643766966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28793001644347543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40858587413328856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776361104568412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678040825023761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yayayamadude,2019/02/09,"19 years old and my financial life is in such shambles I'm having intrusive suicidal thoughts q In December I was kicked out of my family home that I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused in for 19 years. I was homeless until for about a month. Spending a handful of nights on the streets but luckily I have some great friends that have supported me. My grandmother gifted me some money that helped me get off the streets but that is gone now. 

Basically fast forward to now and I've moved into a house with one of my best friends who's literally been the most supportive friend,  especially when I know he's going through some fucked up shit of his own. 

I have over $700 in rent to pay in a week and a half yet a do not even have a couple dollars to feed myself. I'm so hungry right now. I have gotten a job trial on Monday but even if I get the job how long until I get a paycheck. I already owe my friend so much money. It all feels so hopeless. I feel bad for letting him down, as well as our other roommate,  I have no idea what the fuck I am going to do. I'm not even eligible for government support because my parents earn too much money. 

I'm so hungry and my financial situation is fucked. I keep on asking my girlfriend what can I do to fix these problems I'm facing but in reality there just aren't many solutions that I know of at least except one. ",2.6764508393285382,4.508635607913668,4.462751798561153,83.69806055155877,76.01438848920863,7.654916067146282,26.691247002398075,8.472884824447931,1.8951505995203841,1081,42,220,21,24,366,161,278,0.15,0.7020000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.0265,5,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,1,0,0,2,19,17,4,0,14,0,21,8,3,1,1,31,47,20,1,2,9,1,3,0,5,0,1,0,2,0,11,8,1,1,6,0,8,5,4,7,1,3,7,3,31,10,38,39,10,40,0,1,0,3,13,20,4,5,17,159,42,5,0.0,0.13328566185265722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241386848272673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516565266264197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939268517583244,0.06857461245249265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805433200820956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447122649091875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653934319926854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22290144889000046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604827089969728,0.0,0.11375955522162398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476468645636413,0.311993550634315,0.17631865257806553,0.0,0.1278645864744347,0.0,0.0,0.12402379177450501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540160283544678,0.0,0.11283952568996272,0.0,0.0,0.12980167411753546,0.0,0.12699076314632174,0.0,0.0,0.2232636409183438,0.09998883599690844,0.0,0.0,0.12364628426673872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503158626869422,0.07945704439147143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955265439235372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405011875120595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979073954581407,0.11956212324974184,0.1653904133785317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556694267053067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180423489286753,0.0,0.15245616681830285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491002500521865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076404888389574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606830056240168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547231957700906,0.0,0.1264467047180366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304894687020915,0.3829667441999726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930677713955737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023499882465498,0.0,0.10114460443725108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448834464966758
suicidewatch,Lonewolf_66,2019/02/09,"Anyone can add me on steam? We can play games together , my name is LONEWOLF",0.8460000000000001,3.381639266666672,1.495000000000001,97.7025,89.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.5643333333333334,59,2,13,1,2,18,14,15,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justsomefishthings,2019/02/09,"Going thru really bad breakup Meh so like 2 bad long abusive relationships fast forward. Thought i was healed but this relationship ended really fast and abruptly and they p much have isolated me from all my friends and are ignoring me until they move all because i wanted to take it slowly because of sexual trauma. I know I shouldve worked on that but idk everything happened so quick and I am just reeling
Adding to the fact that I am getting barely one day a week at work, I have no family I can talk to, my health isn't doing well
I just feel so much turmoil inside and idk how to deal with it.
I feel like throwing up, ripping out my hair, getting drunk, anything you name it.
I am so tired of myself. I feel unloveable and worthless and sick.
I can't sleep for the last week or so. Also drinking a lot. I wish I could disappear. I wish I could make bad thoughts go away.
I'm so tired. Why is my brain so broken... I wish I ran away when I was younger, that I knew I would end up being abused by so many different people. So I couldv gotten away.
I feel like a waste of a human.",1.6015508021390374,3.735639144796384,3.117772521596052,90.60175956396549,80.6289592760181,6.0091320444261624,22.71513780337309,7.1686216300943375,0.7772244343891406,845,28,178,11,22,277,135,221,0.269,0.629,0.101,-0.9908,1,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,0,1,2,2,16,13,0,1,6,0,17,10,3,2,3,37,39,23,0,7,5,0,5,3,1,1,5,0,0,1,7,9,2,1,8,2,0,7,3,8,1,1,7,5,34,5,21,28,5,28,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,2,17,118,41,2,0.0,0.2477458982220869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360744661677795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603455775028689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946804443179112,0.0,0.2618810448091904,0.12746366504189435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167107705808277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669470378436908,0.0,0.0,0.06742517288530736,0.10778497588205067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923099442377672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241778791998432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519798712682609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396150547360003,0.0,0.09855907891273644,0.0,0.21145157549566126,0.14937902601766093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077395903677845,0.0,0.1092446162852589,0.0,0.11883471330143297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245194738946186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113023164113976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057457155052713524,0.08522103128602652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323143814693985,0.0,0.0,0.09252218670786813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888344803764588,0.0,0.0,0.0697869764317897,0.1059958315080756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111857496942243,0.15371044398265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084481080502614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248080844239824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339529708432435,0.0,0.0,0.22449205703729636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462406491742082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860750679106328,0.08403217326092798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599975880540133,0.0,0.2403263827622908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061665450153728235,0.0,0.16772509904025673,0.0,0.09400171229342504,0.0,0.0943388149917254,0.0,0.3606770572427001,0.0,0.0,0.15222519543734353,0.0,0.0,0.0742682982294909,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goldizzles,2019/02/09,"Being Suicidal & Driving You know, it’s weird because I always hated the thought of driving and was always too scared to drive because of accidents. But ever since I became suicidal, and no longer fear death, my driving anxiety just went away. I started to relax more and enjoy it, cos worst case scenario if I die who gives a fuck? Now obviously I still drive as safely as I can, but I thought it was a weird and interesting revelation for me. So has anyone experienced the same thing? ",4.18391304347826,6.4240215217391325,5.440652173913044,76.53858695652177,72.91304347826087,8.078260869565218,29.97826086956522,8.841846274778883,2.7456260869565217,388,17,67,8,8,129,66,92,0.29,0.615,0.095,-0.9368,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,11,2,2,4,0,5,1,0,1,2,16,13,10,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,1,0,6,1,7,0,0,5,1,10,4,8,7,3,11,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,4,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326126390211256,0.2165570669263432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528985946804362,0.0,0.0,0.13975246403827052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877827147713998,0.0,0.0,0.24367554940758365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074315940766112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807921926120152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490724569062293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477489249418766,0.0,0.1917317504330208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732842831994965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984231326052732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010289458343408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533300662284592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146771175649084,0.0,0.159614970071043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372466523729203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327835238875638,0.0,0.0,0.31734598573748474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527978591805264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0hran,2019/02/09,"I am lost. I am abroad, i don't have a home to return to.
I feel alone, my father died 1 year and half ago. My girlfriend left me. I have failed most of my exams. 

And now i can't take it anymore. ",-2.5033333333333303,-0.7995881111111096,0.4461111111111116,105.2225,96.77777777777777,3.0,11.944444444444445,3.1291,-1.9512222222222224,145,2,40,0,6,50,33,45,0.265,0.735,0.0,-0.8807,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,10,0,3,8,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,26,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30345678144208343,0.0,0.0,0.3545528486089767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395014893047198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35528670757253794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309341276041107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433870422205911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371944864984042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736959631835444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573911608302303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045067034362856
suicidewatch,DonLobster,2019/02/09,"I'm thinking about ending it today I'm in a lot of pain and I don't have anyone to talk to
Everything hurts and I know I'm a useless sack of shit 
I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to leave so I can clean the house, find someone to make sure my cat is ok and I'm hoping to die
My cat will be better off without me, he will be ok",-1.554170274170275,0.21317632467532727,1.385627705627705,100.36669552669552,90.94805194805195,3.9417027417027413,17.646464646464647,5.033348758259628,-0.8169786435786435,255,7,66,1,9,89,52,77,0.205,0.619,0.17600000000000002,-0.5456,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,0,3,2,8,2,1,1,1,13,18,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,12,14,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,2,2,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710963711069166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113701078432382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480372610957491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116770823435878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147917225217153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843550056417976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23737422259833305,0.0,0.27576612238939363,0.2558472168573021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134443986146116,0.0,0.0,0.2530593436078739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318351447699368,0.0,0.0,0.15952985003606654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543056680348037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453231364660712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024982049697335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252483095415413,0.0,0.0,0.1920937212636425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313722432967578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653765603701506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303809642865739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aungzzz,2019/02/09,"Why do I have to live if there is no glimpse of a future? In this world, I will never make enough money to move out, or find the care to take care of myself. I have never seen progress and I never will. The only thing that could save me and my family is winning the lottery. ",2.9546551724137937,3.5491863620689656,4.102931034482761,91.47267241379312,73.3103448275862,6.4896551724137925,21.396551724137925,5.985473137389443,0.07129655172413774,211,4,48,1,4,69,43,58,0.07,0.728,0.201,0.858,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,3,12,13,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,7,4,7,9,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847513551880785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980343946476225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456326586549328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241052301344951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21727562300553052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991483448107184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586827574503211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25266321571235306,0.0,0.0,0.5500427025177002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079997546825272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873902226001445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793340327238894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450912566923444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,girlnah,2019/02/09,"Feels like it is time to go. In my situation, I feel like I am trying to hold on to my life as harsh that it may be right now. I don't want to whine about my shortcomings. I realize that life is worth living, and that problems are temporary and only as big as we let them. 

with that said...

I am slowly losing the urge to keep going. To the untrained eye, I seem cold and distant, maybe even emotionless to those around me. I see myself becoming more and more reclusive, sleeping all day, cancelling all of my plans, looking forward to never seeing or speaking to people again. Essentially disappearing, and then if I am lucky...dying in my sleep. 

I need help. I am hurting so badly. All by myself. And everyone is so self contained that they barely notice. I don't know. I may just go meet my little brother up in the skies. I heard it was peaceful there.

​

Thanks for listening. ",2.5509746922024625,4.896831354651162,3.7919288645690834,85.89698358413132,78.47674418604652,6.3726402188782485,24.071135430916552,7.5105763829236425,1.2419031463748291,691,24,132,10,17,225,114,172,0.101,0.799,0.1,-0.0266,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,2,2,9,8,0,0,3,0,15,5,3,0,4,29,32,14,0,4,3,1,2,2,0,2,2,4,0,1,9,9,0,3,5,0,1,5,3,5,0,0,3,11,25,3,23,25,5,21,0,3,4,0,11,11,0,5,9,97,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375604817770092,0.1836470689944721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454329246707944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261924437990996,0.0,0.16691809809932706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747036880244407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982405824397757,0.0,0.0,0.14441714996023575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283804375614096,0.2159435138869934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576826169595348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130343293797084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179446613233922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433683053215908,0.0,0.0,0.08306052255666634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454704074063635,0.21350398573163448,0.14767506110036965,0.15147821303039916,0.13345606501905405,0.0,0.12691637330849234,0.16908278853529565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518366627965413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206560369075008,0.1165655821830885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206960600647342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149459176679113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477883596972336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461696611814615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290695194467801,0.1437651699484575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408720242699261,0.13758875265150508,0.15766805536633685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698834612254317,0.3024907688544927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391459399886052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812875441022386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261158316014003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914406758847755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836470689944721,0.0
suicidewatch,realthischiiiick,2019/02/09,"Best way to go... I’ve tried everything, but ya know, gun shot, jumping in front of a car, train, etc... only because that’s impossible where I live... 
I need out... I can’t do it anymore, but I don’t want certain people finding me. Should I just run away then do it? What is the best way to do it without hurting my family? They are everything to me, yet not enough to keep me breathing. The physical and emotional pain is too much...",1.7106034482758616,3.5786561954023037,3.5707902298850582,88.83135775862068,79.0,7.108620689655173,25.81752873563219,8.07648339933343,1.5472080459770114,327,13,71,6,8,110,65,87,0.08,0.733,0.187,0.8441,0,0,0,1,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,0,1,14,14,4,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,11,3,9,13,5,13,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428746758589996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406142150064705,0.0,0.0,0.1194233134383838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111853932515505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036942105422236,0.0,0.2024246809116668,0.2184885015550872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35213782109993474,0.0,0.1846840316309047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905578556866253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133867215643804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20972288973916225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741314704457203,0.0,0.0,0.10766556625972952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298979549844554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401445717459754,0.14526283134531845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899638160254575,0.20845925248838584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581750221977354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300824345532758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155512416751432,0.3110043006183759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884771217981705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineedanegg,2019/02/09,My family doesn’t care about me And I want to kill myself just to punish them. ,-0.002352941176472001,2.162502,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,87.8235294117647,5.752941176470588,8.5,7.1686216300943375,-1.0085058823529414,62,0,14,1,2,21,16,17,0.343,0.466,0.191,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.544971239955644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038909281627701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5913590199034778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31526939229057405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nos-urprises,2019/02/09,"Is suicide by helium really as painless as they say? I've been thinking about how I'd go some day for about 3 months now. I've got 2 helium tanks, 1 set of tubes, 1 pack of thick plastic bag in my cart. All I need is to hit order. What do you think? ",0.15035714285714266,1.5069690357142882,2.8958571428571425,94.24914285714287,81.85714285714286,6.622857142857143,18.34285714285714,7.554174236665415,0.1578185714285718,190,4,48,3,5,67,46,56,0.091,0.862,0.046,-0.5238,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,10,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,10,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25399367251964144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238278669718242,0.0,0.3149891489606877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143586548943405,0.0,0.0,0.2920267420167036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25230344657229553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31319670242462405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43079611126877504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047124540941746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UselessHSDropout,2019/02/09,"High school dropout suffering from depression and anxiety, lonely as fuck I'm 15 and life couldn't look any worse for me. I dropped out of high school last year due to mental health issues that my school was ultimately unable to address, it was a school for behaviorally-challenged children and as such it had a lot of really fucking scary people in it, all of them towered over me and I was threatened (albeit subtly) almost every single day. I could not go to a normal high school, they would reject me, believe me I tried. The teachers were overworked and underpaid and a lot of bullying issues went unresolved, so one day, I just had enough, I broke down crying and told them I really, REALLY wanted to drop out, they told me I couldn't because I was only 14 (you have to be at least 16 where I live), oddly enough when I went home and told my mom about all of this shit she suggested homeschooling, I did some more research and found that the requirements were really lax and easily abused.

So, from there, I was ""homeschooled"", in reality though I did nothing but play video games and watch anime all day. In my mind it's understandable the reason I dropped out, but it's inexcusable to sit there and just do nothing with all my free time. So here I am now, 1 year later, filled with even less self-esteem than I had before I left school, constantly having suicidal thoughts and chronically unable to improve myself. You could make the argument that I could just get my GED and be good from there, and while you'd probably be correct that's not what I'm most worried about. You see, I have no real life friends and I want to make some, and I was hospitalized recently due to telling my therapist I wanted to kill myself. While I was at the hospital there was another kid who had dropped out and everyone just shat on him for it, constantly saying that he's gonna end up in prison, never gonna have a wife, job, etc... I saw him cry, and in that moment I got hit with so much built-up anxiety. My suicidal ideation has returned now, stronger than ever. Who's gonna want to date a high school dropout? How am I gonna get a well paying, non-minimum wage job? How am I going to make good friends? Just fuck it all, kill me now.",6.6013608562691175,6.224801353211008,6.732155963302753,79.15317278287462,65.28440366972477,10.385932721712539,31.469418960244646,9.928628108626363,2.7717785932721712,1754,58,350,34,24,563,220,436,0.17800000000000002,0.742,0.08,-0.9926,4,2,0,0,1,2,58.0,0,4,4,3,28,18,6,0,12,0,35,8,1,6,8,73,68,33,4,11,9,2,0,0,2,5,4,1,2,2,17,26,0,1,4,3,4,5,6,11,1,1,25,5,54,8,47,28,18,56,0,5,4,3,27,21,4,7,25,236,71,16,0.0,0.08213296399169387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941405065415569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047140034066760574,0.07268815198727241,0.10605934872972304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042256879674958496,0.0,0.05898628564312245,0.07809999639508572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982076834037902,0.0,0.16603933884843686,0.0,0.15228971405429104,0.13411715801869886,0.0,0.05970528659590589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139701895038568,0.14325235397089367,0.07731021736671931,0.045785261572539315,0.06270398444120699,0.05840516034699439,0.06623831071192647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600589390347423,0.10711304956640984,0.19225590137532145,0.07243376540264887,0.0,0.07879240220397499,0.11628479483431872,0.0554416035200892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368400751957722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929618978594879,0.06953369605936167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470431511514648,0.1375789738019388,0.0,0.15338480418598716,0.0,0.0,0.056505120320302624,0.0,0.0,0.0753164738698164,0.0,0.09792565044401344,0.0,0.0,0.061210903992754084,0.0,0.0582114116775847,0.0,0.0,0.11786691266370655,0.0,0.0,0.1388150826349473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985834020646221,0.0,0.06999352369718304,0.08118684433402255,0.0,0.0,0.05095823765952772,0.0,0.05346392206940773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791896407056007,0.13302897994634333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046973082796563786,0.0527210474078116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048057817890101655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473877473888181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890143145507136,0.17763288288205772,0.07127259138370254,0.06844521990917937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551261129372825,0.0,0.4910893793539747,0.05523913188217308,0.0,0.07231596554547873,0.0,0.07115606985798804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164984113113375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058880864217402,0.0,0.0,0.08048596012962007,0.0,0.0,0.0681066303701417,0.0550324034037969,0.04042109831752518,0.0,0.0,0.1987149321357794,0.0,0.04706378660619942,0.0,0.0,0.07216465193342769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354712577215047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062327080338035974,0.12852082433015016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039790996956892,0.07064308756634496,0.04924299863676488,0.0,0.0,0.08927972242999928
suicidewatch,pillsinmyfanny,2019/02/09,"I just want to die, but my sisters best friend killed herself last year Last year, I was thinking about it. Hell I was thinking about it before then. I'm trying to hard to move forward with my life, but the few times I've been able to find happiness are nothing like the times I've been overwhelmed with my depression.   
I'm 27. Maybe that seems young to some of you, but last year, I just wanted to end it all, and my sister's best friend beat me to the punch. And my family looked at me and said ""please don't do it, don't ever kill yourself"". They don't know I feel this way, the last time when I was 14 I was hospitalized and it cost my parents a great deal of money, and my dad did nothing but make me feel like shit for being as depressed as I am.... am. am. am. AM. NOTHING feels like it has changed. It hurts to exist so much. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to hurt my family, so here I fucking am. Just hurting, Waiting for anything to happen. Please. I don't know what to do anymore. ",1.3448907646474666,3.0145089905660383,2.6766732869910608,95.74558589870905,79.37735849056604,5.406554121151936,21.53525322740814,6.05967700443912,0.01649622641509474,774,22,180,5,19,250,108,212,0.18,0.613,0.207,0.7387,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,1,3,11,21,5,1,5,0,24,3,1,1,2,33,44,15,3,4,8,4,4,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,9,0,2,2,6,12,0,0,8,6,26,9,23,35,6,19,1,7,1,1,11,2,3,2,19,113,36,0,0.096116252082316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064298971655705,0.0,0.0,0.07909548582831316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817878512255789,0.0,0.20173615331775213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167825014287514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909163544640164,0.16556957415594986,0.0,0.09975349486226703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513047052986768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694265276773541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121969667166565,0.0,0.14579779506917784,0.1373309393850836,0.0,0.0,0.08784851311051294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851835586425047,0.08885792625344903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596850724093122,0.0,0.0,0.0849952842875949,0.10231753761607047,0.08610128270984159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115777431109136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267678424316525,0.0,0.1056459569745842,0.31339029564945564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788975134101233,0.1408726372439906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071344425248338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415834461987502,0.0,0.09656169411903384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215636485592322,0.07065650455820978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766784084279079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672572334586038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101356323518236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914285661305386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750062602177186,0.0,0.0,0.09866195153484086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317482666037995,0.0,0.0,0.1681384786068679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652566259274038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22676742305748646,0.07629260705966526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568714513770565
suicidewatch,thebrit24,2019/02/09,really want to stop i cant see myself getting through uni nothing good ever happens i dont get why its like this for me i hate people so much,-0.3862903225806456,1.8144877096774223,2.277661290322584,92.53649193548388,91.258064516129,4.390322580645162,20.65322580645161,5.985473137389443,0.18692903225806434,113,4,24,1,4,39,28,31,0.255,0.624,0.122,-0.6679999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,3,8,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561190775255769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27485677546953113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175063175188765,0.0,0.0,0.2548615054459975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687004482347006,0.0,0.0,0.29999666873273684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844957218796845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337044466194075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915597533226633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065673862815584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946590868244491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24213532527755285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254038725895743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922320259086336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741844016267472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,closest-num-2-0,2019/02/09,"I feel so weak. I slit my arm this time, my wrists bled too much last time and I needed to hurt myself. Hurt my self enough because I dont deserve to live. But not enough to kill myself. Hopefully it will get better sooner. Maybe slip away.",0.5321088435374115,2.8956981632653047,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,87.77551020408163,4.082993197278912,14.289115646258502,5.46131890053228,-1.0566761904761912,186,3,41,1,6,58,38,49,0.174,0.6629999999999999,0.163,-0.1668,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,6,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,4,5,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504309523782166,0.0,0.0,0.13303670932953582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301500949641145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25577494512092463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509992673995581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034839527500928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402107618498042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167609615972774,0.0,0.0,0.4672595713294221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414495552797697,0.0,0.0,0.17789423463127324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270938377184246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192508052542753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604310659850597,0.16182174580211553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276712848218136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545142920638268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shitreallysucks,2019/02/09,"Starting to get rid of my things. Hi guys. Although I know the end goal is to kill myself but I’m still trying to go to school and work and act like nothing is wrong (kinda even to myself.) I’ve slowly, over time, been getting rid of my things; clothes, knick knacks, little things. Next up is furniture, my TV, and then living arrangements for my pets. 


My pets have always been my reason to keep going, but this last month, I feel like they are not worth this pain anymore, and someone else can take care of them better than me. 


I tried therapy, I tried meds, for years... I tried checking myself into a mental hospital, for months. I’m tired and nothing works. I’m tired of telling myself it will get better and then it never does. I’m tired of pushing myself every day and failing myself daily. I’m tired of basic shit being so hard to do. I’m tired of not being good enough for myself. ",2.5621022727272726,4.594540096590912,3.3829545454545484,90.40068181818184,77.01136363636364,5.3090909090909095,20.090909090909093,5.985473137389443,0.037665909090909284,691,16,137,4,16,219,105,176,0.208,0.688,0.104,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,6,4,11,2,0,2,0,12,7,1,1,1,18,29,13,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,6,0,2,1,7,8,0,1,3,1,2,4,3,5,0,0,2,2,21,6,22,24,1,21,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,15,83,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729620868975042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404572944664296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855744459266261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069660262942522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766035169707357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181027131692196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764153838724828,0.0,0.0929219785902966,0.1084034078222079,0.0,0.0692941964988986,0.0,0.08839391801272724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053047279497797035,0.07495002981834152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644384917954691,0.0,0.11924920844434272,0.08799623663083171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388058845287942,0.0,0.0,0.09398164369071542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325169599079364,0.11607094069310347,0.0,0.057657565446554836,0.08551828200141483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251060597902747,0.10515061442779768,0.09264030090620004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653494340517564,0.0,0.1057278562378436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748147257507187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091554780373557,0.0,0.11157640636525157,0.0,0.0,0.20133414028541294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163506969623027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786826989080978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617778604697324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769191913465173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888926361722458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425812154764035,0.0,0.08378383803055088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888168955177302,0.0,0.0916987840078888,0.0,0.1199774175315232,0.0,0.2090990573171756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117574593470965,0.602911601259144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849167758410901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527561564872281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147061433849246,0.0,0.0675606780102139
suicidewatch,zealousredditor,2019/02/09,"It's not fair that you have the right to make the decision to bring a human into this world, but can't make the decision to exit the world yourself. As an adult you have the right to have kids, but you can't make an informed decision to exit this world yourself.",10.212222222222222,5.75168577777778,9.58074074074074,74.46333333333334,61.5925925925926,13.022222222222226,38.111111111111114,10.125756701596842,3.4910666666666663,208,6,44,3,2,67,28,54,0.029,0.971,0.0,-0.1232,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,5,0,0,3,0,11,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,0,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7608424879796262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6489365982012205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uglybitchkiller,2019/02/09,"I SHOULD NOT EXIST! I’m so fucking angry at this world and my mom for bringing me into this shithole fuck fuck fuck i swear if god is real im gonna tear him apart this whole thing is a mistake every single thing about me and my existence it’s all so fucking useless. I hate everything, I have no friends because everyone is fake and so am I, and I’m tired of pretending. I have no motivation or desire to be a normal functioning member of society so I think I should just die before I end up somewhere much worse. I have tried to kill myself so many damn times but I either chicken out midway, or before I even do anything. I’m so fucking tired I’m starting to lose grip with reality. Every day I fantasize about going to the neighbors house across from me and just attacking the family who lives there at night, in hopes that they will just shoot me dead and put me out of my misery. I really don’t want to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it but fuck im so desperate to die I feel like I could do anything... ALSO, PEOPLE DIE EVERY FUCKING DAY ON ACCIDENT AND I CAN’T STAND THAT SHIT, IM OVER HERE ON MY KNEES BEGGING FOR MY LIFE TO END AND YET I’M STILL ALIVE!! GOD I WANT TO DIE SO BAD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KILL ME SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!",1.6649999999999991,3.803378801587304,3.3721523809523823,88.8395142857143,80.42857142857143,6.254222222222222,22.381587301587306,7.404127859558343,0.8986299682539682,966,31,199,14,25,321,146,252,0.349,0.52,0.131,-0.9976,0,0,0,1,0,4,27.0,0,0,1,2,19,23,14,0,4,0,17,13,2,1,1,36,40,22,7,10,10,1,2,1,2,4,3,0,1,0,11,12,0,0,3,1,0,3,6,20,0,0,0,2,32,3,28,34,5,26,0,3,0,8,7,13,10,4,10,130,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447017914543936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056369974528862235,0.0,0.13268347677888695,0.0,0.0,0.0917146043901001,0.0,0.0,0.06731265597680719,0.04914397970704284,0.0,0.13719994694058246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436690673569323,0.0,0.0,0.10398387107197384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346749913869946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280722460247022,0.0,0.0,0.0532474234470255,0.0,0.20377240607617786,0.0770339462472133,0.07245425300959428,0.0,0.07599946812199979,0.0,0.04076287909878295,0.05759350965513905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062285260704785926,0.5962402769867907,0.0,0.0,0.045817062745358836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959357679138945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007185649510579,0.0,0.09302233888950658,0.0863032279100299,0.0,0.261243796712349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783837273898832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694287196827075,0.03938587876160176,0.0,0.07118716400284256,0.0,0.0,0.0901909118615294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173399048194485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441881797993806,0.0,0.0,0.05926350020895045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565452436102732,0.07898851542474318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055890364961223,0.0,0.0,0.2654830385483576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104334888619036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176092451952836,0.051645950072554285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275321036555741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683073630799829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706182973765692,0.0,0.0643816326191278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711802344100077,0.05165675411745712,0.0,0.0,0.047008999498607484,0.1853170450364056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054734324723041225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951011609460447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900071091305821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215662132432917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadgirl714,2019/02/09,"Negging Spouse Is Pushing Me Over The Edge My spouse keeps negging me about things that just aren't real or true, trying to make me feel guilty over lies. He's controlling, mean, dismissive, and cruel, constantly interrupting me, blaming me, or laughing at me. He's the type to tell you he'll do something just to get you to shut up with no intention of following through, yet he'll try to twist it around to be my fault. He's extremely selfish, only caring about himself, what he needs done, and nobody else matters. If I stand up for myself, he tells me I'm deflecting when I'm not, he refuses to take responsibility for his words/actions/lack of actions. I feel so beaten down, unloved, unwanted, and mostly unheard.

I'm tired of being the villain in his mind, the scapegoat. I'm so tired of the drama. I'm so tired of the lies and apathy from him.

I have nowhere else to go. Death is the only other option other than staying and continue being beaten down with his psychological and emotional abuse. ",6.072343749999997,6.696249046875002,6.629166666666666,76.0325,66.34375,9.525,32.66666666666667,9.516144504307137,3.004054166666668,795,32,145,15,12,260,116,192,0.292,0.6659999999999999,0.042,-0.995,0,0,1,0,1,0,30.0,0,2,0,3,11,10,4,0,7,0,9,3,0,3,1,31,27,13,1,3,6,2,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,3,1,0,4,3,7,0,0,1,2,20,3,31,21,1,20,0,0,0,0,20,10,0,5,4,92,26,3,0.0,0.18849950151489592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162673378753082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622061846238432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192329837016584,0.17843662241293468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280764403524767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26580401364547146,0.17895850749087105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088466796629325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311966357762902,0.0,0.0904163676603251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140940203536356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619598842223237,0.0,0.0,0.17329920317939124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063884322407193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796563864030815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419951910348859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108296322529865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224777664398013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957225031030518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961833436419918,0.0,0.27810904833743066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569449469422762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5485629067121064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160277648221536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cute_squee,2019/02/09,"I don't fit in. No one loves me. Or has ever loved me. Or will ever love me. All guys that I've connected with were / are abusive piece of shits. I have no friends. I have nothing to live for. For the past year, I've known nothing but abuse. I want nothing more than to die. ",-1.6273069679849317,0.3151898474576278,0.3666666666666672,104.10992467043314,99.67796610169492,3.300188323917138,16.725047080979284,5.033348758259628,-1.0139958568738234,207,6,52,1,9,67,43,59,0.212,0.569,0.22,0.1437,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,7,4,1,0,3,9,11,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,7,4,8,9,3,6,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,2,4,35,8,0,0.0,0.4247398033736952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602265630161036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32426539513414965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848025628356336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774756223180457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827206314408526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853128626053525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159563837650548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145755480641422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110470933711547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398712070943407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057203019755582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542458078710913
suicidewatch,2781,2019/02/09,"20 years has been enough 20 years has really been enough for me. I didn't do much with it anyways. All Ive ended up with is flunking out of college, losing nearly all my friends that actually care, and being sent to coversion therapy for being trans. All I have to look forward to is 50 hours a week between 2 jobs and then being demeaned by my parents for doing nothing with my life. My birthday is coming up soon and I think it will be my last. I think its time I put the .22 to good use.",2.63058823529412,3.9568890686274543,4.190343137254903,87.72904411764708,74.98039215686275,6.6686274509803924,25.495098039215684,7.1686216300943375,1.0718980392156858,383,13,81,4,8,128,70,102,0.05,0.86,0.09,0.6249,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,17,1,0,1,3,14,24,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,4,1,12,3,17,15,6,17,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,10,63,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.19668262606229425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205492508331034,0.0,0.0,0.17361650754618033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851247841136958,0.4165077259902762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571615914895806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904963206932264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848504076304702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000061567363989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428923168828374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235992935530353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692502917574455,0.22548163443972574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481616120064204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933915792389539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237961715251113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026122853196448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291173688589708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048870118639975,0.0,0.0,0.25828875898578263,0.0,0.0,0.1175247685331754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407351418780126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616703485063509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595817320664589
suicidewatch,DiscombobulatedAir9,2019/02/09,"No idea what this sub is about, but GD I'm so F'in sick of being tired, worn down, over stressed/worked, and all for nothing I consider myself a moral, upstanding guy. I've done plenty of girls wrong in my day, some warranted but some not, but overall I live by a moral code. Maybe it's because I've never had money or power that I've never been in a position to have the potential to abuse it, but I literally can't stand watching the news, or listening to some classmate talk about how we need to be more capitalist and stray from socialism, or that people are raped, ever. I don't understand why someone would feel that it's acceptable to fuck someone screaming no, or is unconscious. That's not enjoyable for anyone unless you're a sociopath. My entire brother in law's family are sociopaths and I can't even fathom their mindset. And wtf am I going to do to fix it? Absolutely nothing. Short of castration there's not much I can do to hinder their procreation. Of course, they are very religious so the more babies the better, and when it comes to describing their jobs or degrees they try to equate the husband's self made and advisor approved engineering degree that isn't accredited to my own. You never even took calculus II you S.O.B.  

Between Trump and Bezos b.s. and oligarchs being behind the scenes, and lobbyist's literally running every g.d. thing where the f*** is 95% of America represented beside us paying more in taxes, or higher phone bills due to mergers that were ""improperly calculated"", or higher internet (why the fuck am I paying $50 a month for 12Mbps!? India has Gigabit, most of Europe has Gigabit...but we're the best nation in the world because blah blah blah...). I shouldn't have to pay more just so CEO's and board members can get a $15 mil bonus check at Christmas. I'll never even see that kind of money, and that's just one fucking check. Fuck this shit. Why the fuck am I here. I don't like you, your family, I can't help those who are starving or don't have water. I literally exist for the sole purpose of existing. Most of us do but we all feel like we are special and we deserve to be here...it's a g.d. coincidence that you or I happen to be here. If your dad had lasted just a second longer when you were conceived or your mom would've rolled her hips just a second sooner you wouldn't be here and someone else would. Sure, maybe we are all connected to a certain extent but that doesn't justify your existence, nor mine. 

We might feel fortunate that we get to live better than Kings 1000 years ago even in our impoverished lives but at least back then a citizen could do something about his situation. Nowadays if you try an uprising you get a $1 mil tamohawk missile within 5 meters of where you stand. The world is run by ignorant, arrogant, selfish, self absorbed, manipulative, indecent, mother fucking assholes and we are all at their mercy because we have allowed them to take power and are too fucking stupid to do anything about it. ""Oh he said he's going to lower taxes, we should vote for him"" and now you're paying more and those that make $10 mil or more are paying less. How much fucking sense does that make? It's literally fucking backwards. Every person that has ever existed in our era has needed a certain wage to survive on, beyond that you are buying golden toilets for no reason other than to have a golden toilet (metaphor, don't take that literally, I'm sure some of you won't be able to see beyond it though...thanks America), meanwhile those that made a fraction of what you did are paying damn near the same in taxes but can't afford to feed themselves or pay rent because education costs have gone up by factors the last couple decades, you can't get a job unless you have that overly expensive degree that requires overly expensive books and overly expensive online homework access just to get a piece of paper (thanks Pearson, you cancer to the world), but employers send jobs overseas (MAGA...really trump..maybe make a mattress in America, or really stop trying to profit from your company's while YOUR IN PUBLIC OFFICE), so here we are with debt that won't even go away with bankruptcy, debt you can't pay off since all the jobs are outsourced, when you do get a job you're being over taxed so you put less in to savings, the government has already spent the social security you have been paying so good luck there. FUCK ALL THIS SHIT.

I shouldn't have to call a state, federal or public body to verify they did they job enrolling my kid in their medical insurance just to find out they fucked it up so I have to schedule another appointment to get it fixed and really most wouldn't have called anyways because that is literally their g.d. job so how can they fuck that up, but I know they will and they do and they did so instead of having to pay everything out of pocket I am making them fix themselves because I have to know everyone's job that has ever had a job in order for my shit to be processed smoothly (aka call them in a week to verify they fucked up so I can fix it). How the fuck does the military mess up my pay 3 times in 5 years. It's not complicated. How does my tax preparer file my taxes wrong and we have to submit 5 amendments, after the 3rd everyone already knows you have no idea wtf you're doing. Why is getting a new phone plan always come with catches no one knew about beforehand even though you had asked but no one is liable but you have to pay regardless. Or internet. Or insurance, ""yeah you're covered for that. It'll cost out $25 out the door"". After the procedure, ""actually that's not covered but we need you to pay the full $2,500"". And why can they charge so much for a GD prescription that was a fraction of the price 5 yrs ago and they haven't even increased how much they put in to R&D.

I'm sick of this shit. I can't fucking stand it. It drives me fucking insane. I hate them, I hate all of you (you will undoubtedly fuck up my request at whatever establishment you work at, no one is competent). My family is a fucking joke, my friends are a joke. Everything is literally worthless, insignificance in my life (and probably yours if you'd look at it) and everyone is just trying to justify their existence. As many times as I've held a knife to my throat I can't wait for the time I finally pull it ear to ear. Fuck all of you. ",4.636196977790653,5.914153663980661,5.5560673251908135,80.06381135184569,69.97502014504431,8.80073518094324,28.4482521344693,9.184598940279846,2.3778249526930977,5031,180,956,100,89,1652,484,1241,0.175,0.7609999999999999,0.065,-0.9995,19,0,1,0,1,0,163.0,17,35,24,13,58,58,28,0,56,1,116,37,9,15,20,171,186,86,0,15,46,5,4,5,1,13,6,5,4,7,55,48,2,6,13,3,38,16,38,35,0,6,22,13,120,23,142,140,35,111,2,1,4,20,111,56,24,28,36,654,175,41,0.03703301940746826,0.043878072313702665,0.03613888486441608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565507452038072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173371560101063,0.0,0.030814438800344582,0.04012526105575978,0.0,0.0,0.03883234981717566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025894348230291558,0.0,0.030475019554595938,0.0,0.03462087405583263,0.0,0.034793740785769384,0.0284761060124768,0.0,0.1354499094164023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886386911240605,0.06550539241900982,0.0,0.041135336065081886,0.0,0.0,0.11344456006444667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380133418379526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029567852592648325,0.04097633159507706,0.0,0.023883233852560852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722353453376803,0.037897636443551236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030936335741680344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121972036335953,0.10049545870328544,0.062403832143644214,0.10615991117705216,0.06656577988111262,0.0,0.1047343045291097,0.0,0.05617502199044176,0.026456396464242485,0.0,0.04056786260119356,0.03384750882871155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028611618929833414,0.6504921643015165,0.154785793271146,0.0,0.0631401550665941,0.031061539659279293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03666851153641077,0.032748176758599416,0.0,0.0,0.07312487939037182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024822452286279904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836115424728336,0.0,0.0,0.3307460172594813,0.0,0.0,0.03856419091831347,0.06105713690765348,0.060373707096688836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026157516803991924,0.036184925344849024,0.0,0.09810250383948617,0.0,0.03109840929800225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008307676859113,0.09887931208237424,0.03754566911693678,0.11161393671277328,0.0,0.0,0.0373068709817829,0.0,0.0392861813117944,0.0,0.043372624747474366,0.02955940277542709,0.0,0.10889412135325964,0.08237854394085797,0.11424859032107387,0.03576672091108322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710683618150449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003781294903034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02567403276513783,0.03233580411645362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039927858477892465,0.0,0.0,0.07445682618620059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744860103416354,0.03807611179154994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03522688193261527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902104357313264,0.0,0.07726703168683018,0.0,0.1520554489719098,0.03063409634252095,0.04162666543668296,0.0,0.0755009992156208,0.09413387150177266,0.028509827609500105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030961262453483337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980636504751289,0.0,0.05568844355657069,0.029765738213879924,0.0,0.06819005745464925,0.0,0.0,0.02460309254975455,0.0,0.072769507081856,0.0,0.06478275428444369,0.04256400803165456,0.0,0.0,0.04114504718319514,0.1005719570657321,0.0,0.0,0.03855267924275017,0.08909232518354153,0.0,0.0,0.0305561194227049,0.0,0.0,0.029705654371375668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708269948773305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053920958379538635,0.0,0.0,0.07892158337349332,0.08097958636257048,0.0,0.04769610064634925
suicidewatch,Vandral007,2019/02/09,"Goodbye Hello.  I'm a 34 year old male who graduated Suma Cum Laude from the University of Regina in Computer Science.  I have spent the last 15 years working menial retail jobs.  I have had relationships, most of which ended in the woman using me to pay bills, or in one case psychotically just played with my emotions for the fuck of it.  I'm going to hang myself in approximately 15 years.  I have no job prospects, no family (they have all died), no friends, no money, and now I have no job.  Talk me out of ending it... in 15 minutes.",3.097200854700855,5.045088249999999,4.914743589743591,80.40803418803421,75.15384615384616,7.314529914529915,24.055555555555557,8.167268648758528,1.4339158119658122,414,13,81,7,9,141,73,104,0.14400000000000002,0.787,0.07,-0.7351,3,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,8,12,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,1,0,1,2,0,9,2,15,10,2,16,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,2,8,51,13,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033892034385038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220443431560053,0.3471481097142847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474605729006585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140837991157094,0.1811740316952298,0.0,0.0,0.111376064964412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.58341937656251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974428436193688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056408687554871,0.0,0.13279648734620916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040183658421716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751580541065655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692578914913803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267079698542462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786008759941054
suicidewatch,aHappyPeoples,2019/02/09,"Lets hope not Let's hope that what I've been stressed isn't happening isn't happening.

If it is, my best friend is lying to me.

Let's hope it's true~",0.7216666666666676,2.168032147058824,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,80.47058823529412,6.886274509803924,20.15686274509804,7.793537801064563,0.3211098039215692,119,3,31,2,3,39,23,34,0.135,0.49,0.375,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,13,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123325601750028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631944108683188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578390093948343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6028771997965565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6206875460967841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317680126095241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeaWeeb1,2019/02/09,"My parents always think I'm a failure,and I wasn't the good boy who I was with 8 years (who would always get bullied and always say that to his parents,instead of beating them) and that drives me into crisis. (LONG TEXT WARNING) 15 Male here.

Recently (actually not so recently,6 months ago),I got my first breakup,and that was really bad experience for old me.Back then I was insecure,overweight,suicidal and hated myself.Now,after I dealt with truth,and continued,I gained a lot of confidence,knew how to deal with problems calmly,and went alpha in my area (when with friends,in city etc.) except in front of my parents ofc.
When they heard about my secret relationship,and breakup,instead of helping me or supporting me like ""There will be better times"",they laughed off like ""Look this degenerate,what is he thinking about his miserable life"" or ""You're pity"".
So,my parents never gave me confidence.
Also,recently with the end of first half of school year,where I had perfect grades,they went all out on me because my classman (teacher of class) ""set"" me up (made ""mistake"") and wrote on unofficial trial final exam that I have 1/20 points (even though I did 17/20),and when I called him,he was like ""Who cares it's unofficial trial anyway"" and I was like ""Which would mean nothing to my mom and her beating"".
I am pretty successful in life and school (win competitions,perfect grades) but decided this year to spend time on my weight (to try again with my ex ofc,I was worthless back then,now I can shine,but that's for other case).
And even for that,they were like ""Someone that bad as you shouldn't even try"".They have favoritism for one ex classmate who went to special school,who never comes out of house (her parents force her to study 24/7), doesn't have friends and all her success is forced one,as such they idolise her worth.I am currently best in what I compete for,and they force me to go even beyond,even though I think I am okay with current status.
And when they got another rage outbreak,I told them ""I follow my path,it may not be perfect or what you expect,but it's MINE and I won't depend of you all life"" and they were like ""You are dissapointment"" and ""Everyone chooses to do right and just you are wrong"" (that makes me confident 100%,thanks <3)
They expect me to be as same as 8yo me?

When I was 8,I was constantly bullied,and always called parents to come to school,since they told me like ""No beatings,call us"" which now is useless (I beat anyone who tries to bully me physically now,they call it vandalism,I call it self defense).About grades and knowledge,I was same as then,except then I was shut in and didn't knew how much I know,compared to now,where I know how much I should study compared to knowledge.

I cut off those kinds of people who try to let me down,but they are my parents and I am dependant of them,which drives me to crisis and depression.I don't whine (I deal with most problems myself),just don't know what to do,and think someone on reddit can give me advice...",7.274571000997671,6.738712592783508,6.65427225363042,80.79362653807782,63.965635738831615,9.571533089457931,33.37900454495067,8.748949900417786,2.5262272918745152,2387,85,468,30,31,736,265,582,0.114,0.774,0.112,-0.7056,9,0,0,0,0,0,127.0,1,5,10,14,25,36,3,1,4,1,46,4,0,7,7,79,77,39,0,8,8,9,1,7,1,7,3,2,0,3,26,31,1,0,12,0,1,10,12,14,0,4,28,4,75,22,63,38,11,56,0,5,1,0,58,19,0,8,33,281,101,8,0.0,0.0,0.06468017091288995,0.0,0.0,0.06476850143910308,0.058753631402972815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300446239380911,0.2206026196622964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950084465935374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634484089635756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193116974863424,0.11068283630176567,0.040403955112141766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955725684280112,0.05861968338637528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707190536964964,0.0,0.0675773494907479,0.0,0.0,0.11418950017302815,0.0,0.0716256340441352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666449417942886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870481722200509,0.0,0.07392023680456282,0.21888810385481508,0.0,0.0,0.0633338228779526,0.0,0.06483501113455807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260700756152766,0.0,0.11275625610526074,0.0,0.0,0.05120812137450008,0.0,0.034628806344004,0.06358225974581139,0.03766871461304073,0.055592907792180034,0.10602108235162992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543823522361658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044426397283069054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647875543094114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902090280516286,0.1092780274060777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777626415750662,0.14044755369899747,0.2266690042026799,0.0,0.0,0.05865612411808845,0.055658895841978605,0.0,0.0,0.056349279514990726,0.0,0.06271617677883905,0.044242723794822095,0.0,0.0,0.0721988550984042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776268773132386,0.05290443329312921,0.0,0.0974475334112058,0.0,0.10223915840579716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359789193747828,0.0,0.06955019644843226,0.0,0.08982671429551768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415796630448687,0.0,0.0,0.04595052762425858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265646136752953,0.0,0.0,0.06743105922830482,0.0,0.12684290362738007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042460961869483116,0.0,0.06544396117562773,0.07116041259747294,0.0,0.05660315333625965,0.0,0.052708884559328435,0.0,0.2683174688049798,0.0,0.0,0.06914497824415104,0.0,0.0,0.05482788399891062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231844259112288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250006887584723,0.07521428406573674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102214536051321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698793778641882,0.13024043694097673,0.0,0.03864867104639952,0.0,0.0,0.1266676457559052,0.0,0.1350002510410988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972723620993975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071174799387729,0.0,0.18432795998498955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416747861230057,0.07246728151735984,0.0,0.12804733543626387
suicidewatch,BeeswaxNotYours69,2019/02/09,What combination of over the counter drugs will kill a 130lb female. I can’t end up in a psych ward again. I want to do it right the first time. ,0.3883333333333319,2.004867000000001,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,82.125,5.516666666666668,16.916666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.7418458333333335,112,2,30,1,3,36,29,32,0.157,0.8,0.043,-0.6597,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947564572070377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37786839212372136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628920692765096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720039370381086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643405013837184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487719386092792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516379887349169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kamisama2u,2019/02/09,"My brain and my body are a hell I can't control I have had severe anxiety attacks since I was 5 years old. I am 27. I have bipolar and borderline. I cannot control my ups and downs.

I have never had a relationship. Men only hooked up with me and rejected me once I started getting attached.

My parents and grandparents despised me just for existing and told/showed it to me every chance they had.

If I take meds, I turn into a zombie and without meds I just cannot control my speech and behaviours and people think I am a freak. I even don't know who I am, what is real me?

No men wants me. even my parents who are supposed to give me 'unrequited love' just despised me, told me I was ugly, despicable and wanted by noone.

Even my few close friends do not understand anxiety, depression or uncontrollable mania. They just think I am being dramatic.

I committed suicide once I was 16 and failed. I know this time what to do exactly not to fail. I just keep thinking 'I just want to die'. At least that way people understand I wasn't being dramatic, my brain and body are a hell I have no control over.",2.5408904109589017,4.5869871415525125,4.306070776255709,83.69335273972605,77.12785388127854,7.667671232876713,27.38835616438357,8.548686976883017,2.139949589041096,860,36,170,18,20,290,112,219,0.209,0.71,0.081,-0.982,4,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,2,6,9,13,5,1,5,0,27,6,4,4,3,45,45,14,2,4,11,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,7,15,0,5,7,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,8,1,42,2,15,35,2,14,2,4,0,1,13,7,2,2,6,126,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627994373176554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105132359658714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638447237471344,0.0,0.2375668801335304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773701055649745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164667876165088,0.0,0.11043184166655236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083897583925512,0.0,0.08965100535520662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220842579010994,0.0,0.05559234707541413,0.10207360359218136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457786785114587,0.0,0.0,0.1169550762049716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960348849749431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638447237471344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206628207641728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116544018790287,0.2266362194445229,0.0,0.08092598111894493,0.0,0.0,0.23630085739956344,0.0,0.0,0.14753599385492538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211124601300078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423940853893645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202076360764647,0.0,0.08801951549813525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531417774214452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639006415349352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800034994649239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454054728376325,0.0,0.0,0.062045752125296026,0.0,0.0,0.20334953668731276,0.0,0.0,0.11573834793851523,0.0,0.2215432183904032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828170526350907,0.0844595281075045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257085592177023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852148702383558
suicidewatch,Fant_Writer,2019/02/09,"I think I need help I’m doing terrible at my job, I’m doing terrible at life. I want to figure it out but it’s just too hard sometimes. ",-1.601774193548387,0.2971068064516125,2.277661290322584,92.53649193548388,93.83870967741936,5.680645161290323,17.427419354838708,7.1686216300943375,0.2872516129032259,105,3,25,2,4,39,22,31,0.199,0.6970000000000001,0.105,-0.4019,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997437750893385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991055541556013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428247711485319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151928128920982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308816248530107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413431960083593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28593284940438585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632041675434858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,averybabery,2019/02/09,Everyone HATES her! Fat stupid fuck just won’t fucking kill herself!! I hate myself I hate my body I hate my face I hate my voice I hate my laugh I hate my life I want to starve myself to death but also just die right fucking now I have never accomplished anything good and I NEVER FUCKING WILL BECAUSE IM SO FUCKING FAT AND UGLY AND STUPID IM A STUPID FAT OBESE FUCKING FAGGOT DYKE DUMBASS WHY CANT I JUST FUCKING KILL MYSELF WHY,-0.6902219873150129,0.08139056976744287,0.8903594080338273,95.64169133192392,125.86046511627909,2.958985200845666,17.862579281183933,5.238671369647483,-0.2461674418604649,343,12,66,3,22,109,48,86,0.5529999999999999,0.371,0.076,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,6,21,19,0,1,0,4,15,5,0,2,10,19,6,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,19,0,0,0,1,20,2,2,17,0,4,0,0,0,8,2,1,8,0,3,39,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555344668402203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774675145581211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057592472982904375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494295970421827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805250060337994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027708977694644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6113990608276895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924306002161832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6529372801730426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041033495699457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090502246976005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667320968906316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573340535444987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068308090675243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572514756719015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050210040216215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonominmouse,2019/02/09,"When you can’t find satisfaction and only pain in your first loves of writing, poetry, and music life just feels like it isn’t worth living anymore. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I’m so depressed that I can’t enjoy anything anymore. And there won’t be an end to it any time soon due to outside issues that won’t go away. I went to my favorite monthly event/concert and hated every second of it. I went to my favorite restaurant and felt sick the whole time and just couldn’t enjoy my favorite meal. I listened to my favorite musical soundtrack that I know every word to and love and just couldn’t pull myself out of this mood. I’ve been writing a book and haven’t been able to enjoy words. When I’m in a mood like this I write it out in poetry and I just can’t find the words anymore.  I just don’t find life satisfying and enjoyable anymore and nothing feels worth it. The call of the void is so tempting. I just don’t know what to do anymore. ",4.31313639968279,5.038851479381441,5.071237113402063,85.28395321173673,70.28865979381443,7.206344171292624,28.840602696272803,7.010146845296331,1.461633306899286,753,27,152,6,13,244,90,194,0.07200000000000001,0.6890000000000001,0.239,0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,1,12,14,1,0,7,0,17,7,0,0,0,36,31,16,0,2,6,0,3,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,11,14,1,0,8,1,2,4,12,3,0,2,5,4,17,9,18,21,1,19,0,1,0,2,9,6,0,0,11,97,28,1,0.11436060137034453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776913052395433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6804899216946413,0.0,0.0,0.18821806154611145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074455495082326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677496028087818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098498618386047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128954878929644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270747797361606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156483124088933,0.08169923646930274,0.1098041114526866,0.0,0.3135705535065464,0.09727506910447477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499376519985957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290741770478467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936275601362305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569919145007796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155254958531146,0.11174162650489797,0.0,0.10098250619335744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642981534543164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128154095003008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973208133732068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697639062820978,0.1216877428799564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333691726452851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120268464002936,0.0,0.12767952737746752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bottle_of_Starlight,2019/02/09,"The thoughts never stop. ""I'm going to kill myself. I really am. It's how things have to go. This is my future."" runs through my head every day and night. 
 
I see my cat and apologize every day that I won't be around much longer. She's the only one I've told  in real life.",-1.2175847457627107,0.8166691694915258,1.4862500000000018,97.54259533898306,94.59322033898306,4.305932203389832,12.459745762711865,5.985473137389443,-1.0422389830508476,207,3,49,2,8,71,47,59,0.084,0.857,0.059,-0.5286,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,1,1,8,11,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,1,8,0,5,7,1,11,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,6,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131553828074436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088423568874874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034827678075869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721623939955887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573799843678526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649086354908521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691259481429628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601844298781333,0.0,0.18467350424390944,0.0,0.0,0.22470140197693636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622530384867597,0.1821074884773732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27253899962206923,0.15339356747991084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080538167082084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018539631978216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590755493308633,0.0,0.0,0.1900913062522764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287984210826876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deeeeeanne,2019/02/09,"What works and what doesn't work to say to someone suicidal Our school guidance counselor asked me to help him come up with a guide for teachers on how to speak to suicidal students.  I could only draw from my own experience.  I'd love to hear your experience if you like to share what words help and what do not help for you when you're feeling depressed/suicidal.   I'd also appreciate other resources/references you like to share. Thank you for sharing.

1. **(a.)**""**Love yourself.""**  In my experience, it only annoys me when people tell me to love myself.   I feel misunderstood and looked down as someone who can't even love herself.  The opposite was true.  I have so much love for myself and I just hated the world during those times.  I loved myself too much that I can't put up with a world that doesn't treat her well.  I loved myself so much that I want to end her pain.  Telling me to love myself more only gives me more reason to die.  **(b.)** **""I/We love you.""**  It's a phrase that just doesn't register when coming from the very people who did not treat me well and said or did things that hurt me.  Either I take those words as a lie, or if that is what love is like, I rather not have it.  Don't tell them you love them, show them how you love them.  **(c.)** **""Do you love me? Do I have any value to you?""**  This worked for me, especially when the person asking is someone I care for.  It gets me out of my own head and start to think of the other.  It makes me stop caring about my own problems, and activates/reminds me of my heart and love for people dear to me. 

2. **""The world/people still needs you.  You still have so much potential.""**  It only makes me cry more of how much potential would remain as dreams that I won't ever achieve.  More than road blocks, I feel like I've reached a dead end, while lacking strength and energy to climb the mountain.  A better line that worked for me would be: **""You can do it! I believe in you, you're strong, you're powerful.""**  We're here to help you get through obstacles.  Let's work together to realize your potential.

3. **""Seek therapy/professional help/hotline.""** It makes me feel rejected and like the person doesn't really care for me, and I feel treated like a problem/burden that they would rather pass on to another.  This makes me feel so much more depressed when deep inside I'm just longing for a listener and a true connection, not a professional connection prescribing meds which maybe she gets commission from, or jotting notes while interrogating me, treating me like a case study.  I felt pathetic having to pay someone to talk with.  I felt hopeless and helpless when I didn't even have the money.  

4. **""I can be your friend, I'm here to listen. I understand you.""**  This brings healing to me, being heard and feeling understood cures loneliness.

5. **""Let's eat. Have some food. Drink water.""**  This was how my mom and my best friend helped me every time.  They invite me to have dinner out together or prepare good food.  This was also how I learned to manage my suicidal feelings as I recognized how eating well/proper nutrition ease away my suicidal feelings.  Too occupied with school work or being late for class, I often had no time to eat or just eat fast food/ junk food. Later on, I learned from a nutritionist/nutrition class that there are amino acids needed for hormone production and balance, that our body cannot produce and we can only get from certain healthy foods, or otherwise through amino acid supplements.

How about you, what works and what doesn't work for you? What do people say that helps you?",1.21807467057101,3.8773459838945854,2.22538374816984,91.27268177159591,92.08931185944364,5.543127379209371,20.446398243045387,7.087006719466742,0.7692453997071746,2789,93,548,48,100,877,287,683,0.113,0.6809999999999999,0.207,0.9968,1,1,1,0,0,1,155.0,3,21,6,16,40,53,2,0,21,0,47,30,3,13,4,96,106,52,6,13,20,1,11,7,2,4,2,8,0,2,41,27,12,2,18,3,2,6,16,9,2,0,12,22,97,44,72,83,18,43,0,5,1,13,79,15,0,11,29,368,138,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165742987913651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03046738250025668,0.04697955302061597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376898106777267,0.0,0.04209362548819115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050477317434006304,0.047017685207012605,0.039624360498060535,0.0,0.04976571623372664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703806143452446,0.0,0.0,0.077187143610555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035771322238338586,0.0,0.04921367857282129,0.0,0.0,0.03858851271572527,0.0,0.04649814465675847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388960405579349,0.0,0.1833774495174724,0.0,0.0,0.07936381454827637,0.0,0.0,0.05918354132834504,0.04052662065442754,0.03774821965042727,0.0,0.0,0.1314769564938631,0.0,0.0,0.20388238953803567,0.032007068495159004,0.08603526466582677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708781036397461,0.0,0.06922893282781678,0.0,0.09363027753993376,0.04297884662466342,0.0,0.03757839162953881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423340545473048,0.045980511097672185,0.0,0.0504959158837708,0.05309143290400314,0.21021220789951892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047962232960101686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053941390545977,0.0,0.0,0.09162762297733673,0.0,0.15321840408218487,0.0,0.0,0.03964899285031495,0.037622996685771334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256705926617111,0.0,0.1196246404476224,0.0,0.04501034903737365,0.0,0.04976571623372664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247239823395915,0.0,0.0,0.19761090322247704,0.06644129084901818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703724179444938,0.04767324750756391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553028067090262,0.0782400051042635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574029489078144,0.0,0.04503910309355326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02870176642069437,0.04606465282558899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042617641613134916,0.07125783431695985,0.0,0.09068547881586443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184477986606768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0317115922229497,0.0,0.07155901202790177,0.0374570758109332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503449177094105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033686065857703146,0.03601072516086159,0.11747864281483078,0.04124832046929863,0.0,0.0,0.029764933009567274,0.028707770670258263,0.0,0.0,0.07837447010176615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664120629059868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036966931933856514,0.026425802061687573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084906392476415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609352805112533,0.0,0.0,0.09547968969227986,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corgolf84,2019/02/09,"Why I think the worst possible feeling is feeling like you don't want to be around anymore even though you have small children that will need your guidance and wisdom as they evolve.  Also most important is your love.  The undying don't give a shit what you've done wrong I know you are going to be a fantastic human being regardless sort of love. How does that not outweigh my horrible thoughts and desires at the moment? 
",6.587500000000002,7.339357750000001,5.9899999999999975,80.61500000000002,65.25,8.9,33.5,8.841846274778883,2.78595,340,14,61,5,5,104,63,80,0.087,0.617,0.29600000000000004,0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,1,0,5,7,1,0,5,0,11,3,1,1,0,16,22,6,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,9,4,6,16,2,5,0,0,0,2,11,3,1,2,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603637658525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307092402900085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709252467627126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035785424255108,0.23806413618516697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536517790378496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352522802709492,0.1661929281582924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316259205366729,0.13221058870795802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278489102041209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365264174162078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199203928218264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172494283231299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262258543043712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879423962008825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906171333087165,0.2285605577258936,0.1846844682611482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721286047260295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209914930100088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543474618100877,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lizwiththedreads,2019/02/09,"Thus is it I guess I waited 30+ minutes to talk to someone on the suicide prevention text line. It was finally my turn in line and no one answered. I waited for at least 20 minutes to be connected. So I guess that's my answer. It's only about 19 degrees out tonight, but I'm gonna sleep outside and hope it's enough to kill me. Gonna give my dog one last treat and hug then I'm done. ",0.5060294117647075,2.1669261176470584,2.713750000000001,94.530625,81.94117647058823,5.661764705882352,23.56617647058824,6.6274283507984215,0.5315000000000003,300,11,71,3,8,102,60,85,0.122,0.7490000000000001,0.129,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,14,15,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,8,3,10,10,2,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,4,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340070301814353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236275447816458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25049491047427064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935943922881235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038077551758802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271191860945934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25298755861734296,0.0,0.0,0.1863951584392809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30990307287607155,0.17391252206807534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22883340957693696,0.0,0.19374988149477776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501259709270368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837948920894604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487254119340856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cloudy125,2019/02/09,"You don’t want to die You might feel impulsive right now 
You just want it to stop
You don’t really wanna die but the closest you got is death..
I don’t blame you 
Even if you can’t identify what “it” is right now
But if you step back and 
BREATH
and just go to sleep 
Tomorrow you can think about your problems 
And maybe you can come up with a solution 
Even if you don’t 
You’re still here to move on 
And live 
Even if your life seems dark and cloudy 
Tomorrow or next week or next 2 years ..something could come up
Have hope! I been the lowest I can possibly feel and I feel it right now, I feel exactly what u are feeling, maybe this post is more for me than you
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suicidewatch,lowtegra,2019/02/09,"Awwwh fuvvk I'm extremely drunk and alone right now. Just got out of prison less than 2 months ago. There's this really close highway, highway 680 to be exact lmao, I keep thinking about what it would be like to walk up there and Just jump in front of a car.. I'm pretty sure it would kill me I'm just so scared it won't. I honestly don't care about what it would do to the person driving and how much if scare them. I'm far past that point. I just want to die and not waste my time. This is my first post here, and if it's my last I'm sorry you had to read it and I'm sorry to whoever I jumped in front of and totaled your car. I hope you're okay and I also hope you come to my funeral and get shitfaced. I love you audree. I love you Tyler. I always will. Don't miss me. Just remember me like it was yesterday. ",-0.4305307262569826,1.5221056536312858,1.5463100558659235,99.91723044692742,87.43575418994413,5.1442458100558675,15.653910614525135,6.508806274219699,-0.6387275977653633,628,12,158,7,20,207,104,179,0.157,0.654,0.189,0.66,0,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,5,1,1,14,14,1,2,2,1,13,3,0,1,3,33,31,14,3,8,8,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,12,1,1,2,2,0,9,4,4,0,1,3,0,22,10,17,21,3,26,0,1,0,2,9,8,0,4,10,94,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487773355956953,0.0,0.0,0.1575884526956763,0.0,0.12167965767403915,0.12660656306194187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513389592483678,0.0,0.0,0.13106952380528789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791463170966025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942441092560653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794955954895441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169361242577402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30225186952465577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524386575653935,0.1683388441844866,0.0,0.0,0.12402801823433933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867215535702233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746547239135829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145002593779512,0.0,0.11185268155875068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452507866297206,0.0,0.13285736110769622,0.0,0.0,0.14383726248600026,0.0,0.14572405819223358,0.15479806478437802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219787533458634,0.0,0.09747547793999692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236387943777287,0.12994099006335116,0.0,0.0,0.3046708004423797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34065393583399745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340588864487197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974958692666955,0.0,0.0,0.08872379513147785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974596365098685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242632613582679,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alurani,2019/02/09,i wish i didn’t have any sisters it’d be so much easier to just leave it all behind and end it,5.2239130434782615,1.8305740000000021,7.232173913043479,84.17695652173914,69.86956521739131,10.93913043478261,27.347826086956523,8.841846274778883,1.5323391304347815,74,1,20,1,1,27,20,23,0.052000000000000005,0.696,0.251,0.6786,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33060988756147386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305992121908449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147801206850094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35738831242862223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.559067475528815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorthlesShit,2019/02/09,"HA HA HA Today my dad told me ""You've woke up but nothing happened."" Bitch I wish I havent woke up at all.",-3.232999999999997,-1.7192455999999972,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,105.0,2.5,14.25,3.1291,-1.67,80,2,22,0,4,28,20,25,0.099,0.5479999999999999,0.353,0.7522,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020941502796261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43630173316872706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310071946774517,0.43449013556954014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228883362381554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlippityFlap09,2019/02/09,"It's back Idk if I'll make it thru tonight

​",-1.16,0.8274363333333383,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.7076333333333333,44,2,11,0,2,13,11,12,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768092038662973,0.5347259764391232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383820834997992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937461640892949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347259764391232,0.0
suicidewatch,dogeftw44,2019/02/09,"This is the worst I've felt in a while. Next to the time I actually TRIED to kill myself, this is the worst I've felt. I want to kill myself. I want to end it all. I cant go on living like this. I am such a stupid, horrible, jealous, and paranoid boyfriend and all it does is hurt my girlfriend. I do not want to be like this. I hate myself for being like this, but I just cant get over this constant overthinking and paranoia the gets to me every night. Evey little thing she mentions about someone else gets my mind racing and I cant handle it. I dont even know who I can talk to. This is it for me. I dont know where to go from here. ",0.0701130524152127,1.8621123165467672,2.03466084275437,98.1589388489209,84.10791366906473,4.834737923946556,17.84224049331963,5.773587663045528,-0.5939356628982528,488,11,120,3,14,162,75,139,0.18600000000000005,0.7490000000000001,0.065,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,5,0,6,0,14,0,0,0,2,17,27,6,2,3,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,2,2,20,3,15,23,4,13,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,9,84,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1555245173535615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222499581609765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946790131553502,0.0,0.3735666390778192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331352282441355,0.0,0.1411566827347682,0.0,0.0,0.1052639973765812,0.0,0.1342781592675708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060450818187058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249796575233286,0.0,0.1811500673803786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734729525264127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706114994531132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526439965808784,0.0,0.17517385652931772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335839804207761,0.15973305933996254,0.14072878948399284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092073828528575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949440415413258,0.1495602442020234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503575614707353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809753501675833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587997135388108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293135478790104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820342921920303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820059931996624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rawksawks,2019/02/09,"I'm gonna plan for a day at the end of April. I know I've got some things I have to sort out before then, but I'm absolutely sure I no longer have anything to keep on living for. 
I know I want to go somewhere quiet. I dont mind driving out far enough so nobody can find me. Swallowing a bunch of pills would be my first choice, mainly because it would be easy and I could enjoy my last moments seeing whatever it is that I happen to see when the time comes, and I already have access to 15 different varieties of painkillers, sleep aids, and antidepressants.  A gun would be second cause I would be able to convince myself that it'll be over quickly. 

I figure end of April would be most appropriate because one of the only closest friends of mine is gonna move on to her next phase in life. And I'm so happy for her, so I decided to wait until she gets to that point. 

Until then, I should clear out most of my things. Sell and donate some clothes, clean up and throw out all my junk, give away any knick knacks and makeup to people, give the house proper scrub down, and I'm sure I'll come across other matters to take care of. 

I've also been writing poetry that nobody knows about yet. I'm currently not interested in leaving a note, but I think this journal of poems I've been keeping up with oughta help people understand my mind a little bit. 

I feel like I'm forgetting something else, but it'll come to me soon. 

Anyways, that's what I've got figured out so far. ",6.703500000000003,5.357258350000002,6.960000000000001,80.78500000000005,65.5,9.733333333333334,31.0,8.447377352677275,2.0964,1155,33,242,13,15,375,173,300,0.03,0.81,0.16,0.9907,2,0,1,1,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,0,0,9,0,25,4,1,1,4,58,57,21,0,9,4,0,1,1,1,11,2,1,1,0,14,17,1,3,10,0,2,7,3,0,0,3,4,4,27,9,44,35,9,47,0,0,2,0,8,21,0,5,20,153,41,0,0.10902804927738102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031516353178245,0.08718969161637234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414281223973616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897207947634315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024354412800127,0.0,0.0,0.13292497375544945,0.0,0.09277483963977988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903039179370965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116136257686697,0.11200183976626292,0.0,0.28175403134765764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705002565487513,0.0,0.0,0.07031407211843753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391110605747867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277800617545501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107894499753716,0.0,0.19313298084049468,0.11265511993820745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551278576409815,0.07788966018859532,0.0,0.0,0.09964966182987343,0.0927392030183355,0.0,0.0,0.0842348004159347,0.0,0.05696265578064681,0.2091792792207202,0.06196315295671721,0.0,0.17439938181794132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641314390532582,0.11606238582411045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307920321798524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580373047999366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381827946799968,0.0,0.0,0.17975689365909414,0.08887241194095713,0.0,0.11544496177719585,0.0,0.0,0.07700973554709463,0.053265597657437436,0.10927474807220028,0.0962737649983874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017449873406025,0.0,0.0,0.115879561886901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595256730274606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388022785844668,0.08292074446751073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511726429145577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306674754701636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376247872989406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910678803065677,0.0,0.0,0.08393511896227845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551529229993712,0.0,0.08197552434844148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486678266097058,0.06986077161726746,0.0,0.0,0.06357513231398756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350204437842752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430756828315094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872519901954896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,centipede_soul,2019/02/09,"how do I say goodbye? should I? I don't wanna do anything dramatic like write a letter, but I also don't wanna tell people outright that I'm gonna kill myself. Also don't wanna do something cryptic like call my friends just to tell them I love them. I want to say goodbye somehow though. ",2.67135593220339,4.4139354576271215,4.212,85.88172881355933,75.77966101694916,5.397966101694917,27.0542372881356,5.6839178017228535,1.0211803389830507,228,9,43,1,5,76,37,59,0.1,0.643,0.257,0.8485,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,10,11,5,1,5,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,10,4,5,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,0,1,2,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018631313139893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676457766506148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565633196516037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941219198807212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27798062691373243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550470897536025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267708701107735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741912103495961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996221533142712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343129392981806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392225188066289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468604880091955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819894576047848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,might_be_the_end,2019/02/10,I have been trying to live for the last 22 yrs for a reasons that no longer work. All I think about daily is ways to die.  Driving to and from work. I find about 30 ways to die.  Tonight might be the bitter end for me.  I am holding my daughter and who brings me much joy in life and so does my son but they are no longer the light at the end of tunnel.  That light went out tonight.  I am about to go OD in my meds.  It will be a painless death if I leave my daughters room.   I may only be 34 but not a day goes by where I wish the gun didn’t fail anymore or  that I wasn’t cut down from the tree when I was 12.  I would bring the world more pain.,0.4989583333333343,1.6189187569444456,1.8733333333333348,103.005,80.18055555555556,4.800000000000002,18.25,3.1291,-1.0554750000000004,487,9,132,0,12,156,94,144,0.213,0.731,0.056,-0.9735,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,3,6,5,2,0,10,0,16,2,0,1,1,18,22,9,4,3,5,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,5,4,0,0,5,3,18,1,20,10,3,22,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,4,7,85,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843288681950024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253684472499615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943882549298625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627375824013074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33657424995475066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366019021025686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798363718345212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487859846890276,0.0,0.2011867742739647,0.0,0.0,0.13420542606538832,0.0,0.0,0.16777699025633264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105158201082555,0.0,0.0,0.2015641905514072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396747831774309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450658428915114,0.20217762482932453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953557305989562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174687464571987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900022629610508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016326215322665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613558765549328,0.0,0.0,0.21849519335257106,0.0,0.0,0.2766503123138847,0.0,0.0,0.1349733717942004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,livinginacupboard,2019/02/10,"Life is a stupid cycle It goes around and around and up and down and I’m only 16 but I can already see the pattern. In school, for English, we have to memorize the to be or not to be soliloquy from Hamlet. Today as I recited it to myself, I really had to consider it;“To be or not to be- that is the question.” And I don’t know. Should I be or should I not? What does that mean? What does it mean to ‘be?’ A lot of the time I feel like I simply exist. For no rhyme or reason I simply exist. And sometimes just that simple existing is exhausting. Which is stupid, because, as I said, life is a stupid predictable pattern. You’re good and you’re happy and I hate to say it but happy doesn’t fucking last. Right now I’m just numb and tired and nothing that I used to enjoy is enjoyable. I can’t write songs, or bop to the music I used to love. Love songs make me want to cry or break something. And this feeling is real, as far as I can tell. But sometimes I feel like a fake because sometimes I am happy, like with my friends. But it ends so quickly and that’s where the predictability lies. My parents are messes. So are my friends. I love them though. I have so much shit I want to say she so many secrets that I’ve kept and sometimes I think that the abuse I’ve endured makes me special. But sometimes I think that everyone has suffered these horrors and I’m just absolute shit at dealing with it. I don’t know what I’m making up. I don’t know if I’m just sad or if this is depression. I don’t know if I’m just always nervous or if it’s anxiety. I don’t know if they’re just horrible flashbacks and oversensitivity or if it’s PTSD. I know I should talk to a therapist and I’m working on that. But all the good ones are taken up because people are always sad. And the bad ones need just as much help as I do. I think I have a problem. When the feelings come on or something like that I just want weed and alcohol because they make it easier. I just want someone to hold me and love me and be there and yeah maybe I want pity. Pity makes things easier sometimes. I want pity but I don’t want to be pitied and honestly wtf does that mean. I don’t at all mean it in a romanticization of mental illness way. Because honestly who tf doesn’t want love. I’m just a little broken and I don’t know to fix myself but I know a hug from some boy who loves me would help. Idfk. Thanks for reading I guess. ",0.0757204999188481,2.305054380198019,2.1959162473624443,94.06421035546178,88.36633663366337,5.0540496672618085,19.96185684142185,6.559868063888423,0.17377097873721814,1862,59,416,22,61,623,200,505,0.195,0.579,0.226,0.9484,1,0,3,0,1,0,51.0,1,0,2,1,22,47,7,1,19,1,43,17,2,8,2,119,101,59,0,20,37,1,4,4,2,4,7,5,0,1,31,29,1,2,23,3,0,1,15,22,0,2,4,10,54,25,44,86,6,26,0,8,1,8,27,16,3,20,11,270,85,3,0.0,0.07484413952066629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750773209903703,0.0,0.0,0.06970782091621346,0.0,0.10512221869436117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483235981511708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246640907018604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274291547959795,0.19253413272778291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054413921412921736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938744233919536,0.0,0.06512377263187852,0.05440678849185642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583708899775984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055948389405992616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036004458621544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775921887574626,0.09025493253337204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760738729754306,0.05839810151281525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059651933368917,0.0,0.0,0.06958703514017471,0.0,0.0,0.2017315798435928,0.0,0.062365646289066025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468079768304856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777252893443846,0.051490618423468235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923531659255521,0.12344341755455936,0.0633112597421612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370345368982896,0.34207129458080343,0.0,0.21082674781982194,0.06404277010380949,0.06346107604771921,0.2752353112308615,0.0,0.0,0.06365881744659048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287197889272976,0.046838514935499835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061171453889656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856089879551253,0.04804236004760475,0.0,0.0,0.0701409529657831,0.0,0.0,0.04379296511920952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044355899017535,0.0738403952691163,0.0,0.07076298430208235,0.0,0.06318542241728756,0.07189938676510997,0.04046724854355496,0.06494756202954922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394540711178794,0.0600875454918136,0.10046797990456616,0.0,0.06392972050470913,0.05033697912092826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968276222765115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053522319469953485,0.09726013030199633,0.3748505506239932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077230940976277,0.05521190307784852,0.05815690964691957,0.0,0.0733432977045035,0.041966230381972496,0.1214271421992096,0.06206256170446781,0.0,0.03683396014249981,0.07260270079561049,0.059876189026958536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911430779203604,0.0,0.0,0.2980665327196198,0.05014007865814585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598729523933453,0.0,0.0,0.0448729679444995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAway195u32ut,2019/02/10,"Another losing fight. The last time I was on this account, it was December 2015. Back then, I thought I was just trying to cope with the fact I wasn't like everyone else. Now, after 3 years, I feel like I'm still stuck in that mindset.

What pushed me to post again? My failing of college is a key factor, but it has to do with a girl. I felt genuine happiness with her. The first genuine happiness I've felt in a long while. I thought I was going to be fine.

Tonight, my happiness left me. She left me for someone else. We ""weren't compatible,"" in her words. ""Just be friends"" and all that. I can't.

Everything feels empty again. I feel cold and hollow again. It's been a while since I've felt like this. I feel useless. I feel like a failure to myself. I just want the feelings to stop.

I sometimes think maybe I'm not worth the time for anyone. Tonight is one of those times.",0.1392883895131085,2.5070876011235974,1.5553089887640432,97.12169007490637,91.52808988764043,4.764419475655432,20.8998127340824,6.42735559955562,0.2278756554307116,675,24,150,8,24,215,102,178,0.156,0.7120000000000001,0.133,0.1899,0,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,1,0,0,3,10,13,1,0,10,0,14,0,0,0,2,28,31,6,0,1,5,0,9,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,12,0,2,2,4,4,0,2,13,10,24,9,18,16,1,29,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,0,24,94,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249433039758512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835041778329099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715926582390301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110693060536173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207377046259284,0.11355980869383454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833335844333167,0.1805362050334864,0.3639621084988434,0.0,0.0,0.10747757616492873,0.0,0.0,0.0976216301497787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181051027587566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035220329582058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299626385032283,0.0,0.0,0.2745703529520423,0.0,0.0,0.2469228607912801,0.0,0.0,0.11182027969350487,0.0,0.14135902685466287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694067255283178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562148000310696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101324975255932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452223729304648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070602588741891,0.0,0.12496841624943103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100907339182101,0.10563851418601912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809632405505043,0.0,0.20062365708327767,0.2210360096836637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578681286951809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452750663349145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136853612344049
suicidewatch,CemorTittiee,2019/02/10,Hypothermia. I only have a few more weeks to really think about this but can someone talk me down out off snow-suicide? Show some uncommon negatives or anything? ,4.517126436781607,7.496395655172414,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,75.20689655172413,9.383908045977012,30.356321839080447,9.725611199111238,3.725749425287357,130,6,21,4,3,41,29,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581125745502214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33097077843746875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787847378524167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687230127994634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760116541392251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497777950909597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27884305806574894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490717486357796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cstein45,2019/02/10,its over for trucels tfw u realize god hates subhumans    ,4.7650000000000015,7.6997975000000025,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,74.0,12.0,40.0,11.20814326018867,5.942,45,3,8,2,1,14,10,10,0.242,0.583,0.175,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnnaTheAcolyte,2019/02/10,"Songs that really speak to you when you're suicidal? For me it's ""This is Gospel"" by Panic! and Birdy's cover of Bon Iver's ""Skinny Love"" ",0.7816091954022966,2.83306555172414,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,83.13793103448276,6.625287356321839,13.114942528735632,7.793537801064563,-0.07045747126436819,107,1,23,2,3,37,26,29,0.236,0.642,0.122,-0.5983,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631112706673654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020363303745102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32871812146150553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5612705270303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayautist01,2019/02/10,"Autistic and Long-Term Unemployed 29 Year Old Failure Unemployed for more than 2 years. Don't know how to make a career out of my special autistic interests (history/historical linguistics). Have a useless master's degree in accounting, which I only got because I thought it would make me more employable and get me a good job (it didn't, and I ended up hating accounting). 

Can't make eye contact or small talk with people. Interviews are hell - not that I get interviews because my resume is shit thanks to a 2 year job gap. Also get bad meltdowns because of stress - was fired from the last job I had when I got a meltdown in front of everyone.

I'm just a failure living at home with my parents with nothing to show. Meanwhile, all my friends are successful in their career. 

Why should I keep on living?",6.815036549707607,7.1659017171052675,6.988771929824562,75.03751461988305,64.72368421052633,10.176608187134505,36.62573099415204,9.994966539143718,3.754151169590643,639,30,112,13,9,206,103,152,0.189,0.705,0.107,-0.9371,9,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,2,4,12,3,1,7,0,11,2,2,4,1,20,25,7,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,2,1,4,6,0,0,6,2,14,6,19,17,3,16,1,1,1,0,7,8,2,1,7,67,18,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165721246095984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171176541373825,0.2665799072760711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910885158202404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928937223582233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262145178532908,0.0,0.2284762459181008,0.0,0.0,0.12226486378469245,0.23317098721450724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439175829016732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462190803063624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43396235549535866,0.1295669717767358,0.0,0.0,0.08011131674931253,0.11882191216732575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574349586968788,0.12900176138016092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919075910793749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987013638137394,0.0,0.1529609734888219,0.0,0.0,0.11086456641363113,0.0,0.0,0.1618602069233302,0.0,0.0,0.10105848432711403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496306924914211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697891110668678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716431213942227,0.0,0.1342053255829574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572500627440085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153464842843773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355074417514457,0.0,0.0,0.281613080640294
suicidewatch,Throwaway1443797,2019/02/10,"I'm going to kill myself tonight I'm going to take lethal doses of three drugs. It's my birthday today. Turned 20. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to or live for. The person I love the most in the world doesn't care about me. I've been depressed for a while and all I needed was someone to talk to, someone who could snap me out of it. She knows it's my birthday and she didn't speak to me, not a single word.

I'm trans and can't even afford the medications I need. I'm barely able to get my Adderall, and that's purely through my parents' generosity.

I'm so fucking sick of crying myself to sleep and wanting to die. I'm done.",0.6526381647549542,2.6349885547445275,2.6103701772679884,93.77695255474457,83.16058394160585,4.498227320125131,20.73461939520334,5.288315135182226,-0.18568988529718444,500,15,111,2,14,167,85,137,0.156,0.773,0.07200000000000001,-0.9147,2,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,6,0,8,7,1,0,2,18,28,8,3,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,4,3,16,3,19,23,3,9,0,1,1,2,8,4,1,2,5,68,21,0,0.18435014964148394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795726385290912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718859378052268,0.0,0.2024999829650312,0.0,0.0,0.15878051375528968,0.0,0.19132635019279268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865420808810165,0.0,0.0,0.21378764628518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176153519053065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321297476096133,0.13169978373877772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042874276481632,0.09631534441584412,0.0,0.2095408767842419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039561268312845,0.0,0.10131402107004152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006417122908962,0.0,0.16278455958473975,0.0,0.15480769592723748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638320756182454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571338114440264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27338660013379196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688894053203427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469902480753172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096743995019186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844832851148339,0.0,0.31239856710476416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860836987119676,0.14817366722226816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474238636291395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052002533184746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873449460622683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goodbyebeauty,2019/02/10,"oh well I’m finally ready to kill myself, just bought a ticket to la (my home) and imma hang with the few people I love then take a bunch of xannies to go out. Not exactly sure why I’m posting this shit but I have always used reddit for many things and always admired the community. I’m not looking for reasons to not do it I’m just putting something into this world before I leave it I guess. I’ve always had too big of a heart and a will that was too weak. I hope all of you make it and please help the people who seem too alone. I hope whatever happens after is peaceful or nothingness. ",1.4245121951219524,3.4457297642276465,3.1814837398373967,90.50929878048781,80.62601626016259,5.726016260162603,21.6321138211382,6.816661863887847,0.4962796747967482,463,14,98,5,12,154,84,123,0.107,0.682,0.211,0.9455,0,1,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,6,9,2,0,7,0,6,4,2,3,3,24,22,7,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,2,1,1,3,4,3,1,0,3,1,9,6,13,18,3,11,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,5,3,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133238643814827,0.0,0.0,0.4129453183354258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407661143544403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812170915998245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401592402351068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822363894451003,0.0,0.14628646832420875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603168235965607,0.11088216931504576,0.0,0.16593667670817716,0.3286124917480829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830203635545881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516320970502408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389169388036505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930424307642182,0.0,0.110423745583481,0.1677169198295513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293723774937057,0.0,0.0,0.1815890681048477,0.0,0.0,0.15843324954615778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629973365690634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008641313263206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059844395097285,0.0,0.0,0.16980834370963574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273537157280251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591290294763702,0.0,0.12438044710723575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990228694219288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142875734314351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873865717403953,0.0,0.14927205386918088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cyanniide,2019/02/10,"There is no end When I was 13 I told my mom I wanted to kill myself. She got angry and started yelling at me. I’ve been bullied since I was in kindergarten , only to get beat up everyday when I got to middle school. I don’t know what it feel like to be truly, truly happy from every angle. I’m 20 now and it’s not getting any better. None of the meds I’ve tried worked, suicide hotlines aren’t helpful, I work at the hospital in town so I can’t go there. I can tell my psychiatrist is tired of me. Every time I drive I think about driving into on-coming traffic, every time I come home I think about overdosing on my meds. I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m empty.
And I think soon I’m not going to be here.  ",-0.7185861713106263,1.3542347058823552,2.0498727210182324,94.70863777089785,90.83006535947712,4.266804265565876,17.20295837633299,5.750287758089431,-0.4647437908496732,542,14,123,4,19,188,95,153,0.196,0.71,0.094,-0.9451,1,0,0,0,1,2,18.0,0,0,0,4,10,4,1,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,0,14,32,6,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,7,2,21,3,18,23,1,24,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,10,70,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198906757023317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132641902540526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291913541503584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328345394378303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790846546680861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583255379858607,0.1071431414054145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671291589554073,0.0,0.1704700429579986,0.0,0.23989959106115785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965262380260364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052599260570508,0.0,0.15043851720096202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592662126863245,0.0,0.0824230851235819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327087379809066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331798519679093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565049997354906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406377981894965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178408296991425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406199463672092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615403938815056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640497954693267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108594893790787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882963867330967,0.0,0.0,0.17490484295071745,0.3447515263449044,0.0,0.143308838881393,0.0,0.10182410359510713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845994276155345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836915228355894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blondevodka,2019/02/10,"I have two options My life has completely fallen apart. I was smart and driven and had made a good life for myself. I was dealing with a lot of shit but I was getting better. I was going to be happy. Just like that, it was all gone. At this point I have two options.

1.) I give my pets and belongings away, buy a plane ticket, and disappear. I can leave the country, start a new life somewhere else. I can blow all my money before I eventually check out one way or another. I can sleep around and get way too drunk and smoke way too much. I can change my number and go by a different name. 

2.) I can say goodbye to the few people that care about me and take matters into my own hands and finally kill my self. There have been so many times in my life that I’ve almost killed myself and I’ve always regretted not going through with it. ",1.6795394736842084,3.6091808830409375,3.2073647660818736,91.10297697368424,79.35087719298245,6.146345029239766,20.629020467836245,7.1686216300943375,0.4485581871345028,645,17,139,8,16,212,110,171,0.145,0.731,0.124,-0.7056,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,3,0,7,0,17,8,3,1,2,29,29,13,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,6,15,1,0,0,2,3,7,1,4,0,3,10,2,23,6,15,18,6,22,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,5,5,95,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514259670171735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229724194360627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415169625808459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014270348120745,0.0,0.0,0.12679903575264762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484072369321607,0.0,0.0,0.11936084490700115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760035991027106,0.0,0.14276941691574538,0.0,0.14150262751717133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913747526173084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100411175193686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274147168934527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784170210525674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102169594119404,0.1294655959557842,0.230102041312881,0.1131977530682792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366705923021664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986257182361646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290278494369055,0.0,0.0,0.38130397405114896,0.06593446894311769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147378700167688,0.0,0.12770208600954305,0.0,0.13682790447937954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921087295370984,0.0,0.0,0.13034487298975048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145215304954044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356402976459584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275804940538019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073253322376236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079235075186947,0.0,0.13853414346338253,0.0,0.0,0.1350571183516268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552513639337676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147286244695697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869605845914909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636719394041297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213740699584729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaserymc,2019/02/10,"I always assumed I'd kill myself Ever since I was a little girl. 

Right now, my life is the best it's ever been. My problems seem so minuscule in the face of what I've gone through. But I'm still just...so sad. 

​

I just went on birth control and it basically halves the amount of my mood stabilizer in my bloodstream. That's part of it. I know. But my best friend doesn't love me anymore. We live together and he never wants to spend time with me. It used to be I could tell him anything, but we had a talk wherein he told me the ""pressures and obligations of this friendship are too much for him."" Basically I'm too mentally ill, asked too much, assumed he'd always be there for me and then ran him dry. Now I have to watch my every move so I don't push him away more. I miss him so much. I miss knowing he loved me. I miss feeling comfortable with him. 

All my other friends moved to LA two weeks ago. They're doing great. I miss them an insane amount. I use to have friends I could spend time with. Now all I want to do is hang out with my parents. I go through these phases where I am so alone, and then I have really close best friends, and then they leave and I'm alone again. I can't go through life like that. It's going to kill me. The ups and downs are going to kill me.",0.11492850553505465,2.315574730627308,1.6463918357933558,98.34253978321036,87.67158671586715,4.71591328413284,18.800853321033205,6.158741222570753,-0.29987370848708483,996,28,234,9,32,320,142,271,0.161,0.67,0.168,0.7408,1,2,0,0,0,3,39.0,2,0,2,4,18,23,3,1,8,0,21,6,1,3,5,39,47,18,3,5,4,1,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,11,16,0,1,6,0,2,11,4,10,0,1,7,2,45,12,28,35,12,38,0,5,1,2,26,11,0,3,17,155,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953283345459402,0.0,0.0,0.2092167523461192,0.0,0.0,0.16808473905556892,0.10943642488174317,0.12272938248336775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016757626920088,0.0,0.0,0.08311664773025716,0.0,0.09442392605711304,0.0,0.09489539755430744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31798842780038744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328315957744815,0.16128493592468884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272551883721191,0.08509916333292646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051070019338892186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31213786062685955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296087354169813,0.0,0.0,0.11135587568124967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352336957897929,0.0,0.1110169271738537,0.0,0.0,0.10694731634476218,0.0,0.0,0.1426824423066071,0.04934483614760962,0.10123127827030287,0.08918726848257892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823178296720988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178700423177252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146998530248354,0.2227459027926149,0.0,0.077899538492364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215158814941363,0.10937612306602376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664597995208103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470494055606484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862557867428048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194909966183196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355050895618146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066091737436862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118217522787459,0.08828084525673477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779101803275405,0.0,0.0,0.0965124449394897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866499916639823,0.0,0.0,0.1744678734928299,0.0,0.0,0.1191480640240304,0.0,0.08101830437086792,0.0,0.0,0.09363055042033312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272938248336775,0.0
suicidewatch,nelliott2016,2019/02/10,"Every day is pointless Life seems to have little meaning. We wake up everyday go to our meaningless jobs from 20 on to 60 only to hope that we can one day retire and then live out our miserable lives until we die. We consume mass amounts of debts in our life for no reason only so we can one day get destroyed from the weight and the pressure of not knowing if you can pay it off. Constantly worrying about what others think of us and if we are truly loved or cared about or just accepted. Why go through so much pain in our lives just so we can be dead in 100 years and be another body in the ground what’s the point of it all. 
 ",7.3375641025641025,5.222292653846154,7.292307692307691,81.37102564102564,64.76923076923077,10.82051282051282,33.205128205128204,9.2995712137729,2.569512820512821,495,15,108,7,6,159,86,130,0.185,0.722,0.092,-0.9284,2,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,12,1,0,0,7,8,1,2,4,0,9,7,2,1,1,27,19,13,2,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,12,1,0,6,0,2,2,2,4,0,2,0,1,13,4,23,17,3,22,0,1,0,1,14,12,0,6,8,75,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552517720588253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534179166733296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160944126713638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058563569620672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054110709993235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382900941346146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300000415290514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247294453202045,0.0,0.17942575207543845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678605535626872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664715222335598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675321352690876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299591060706614,0.0,0.15821260636465972,0.4181676980358631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424706845158587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719508351704155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604190075116695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393384317073424,0.24011232851774175,0.16796930226659595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492244003909102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623016681009517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437056506541213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114738267720608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898806405370706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922253816448408,0.0,0.0,0.142439968587797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030984698410022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016537184677996
suicidewatch,Aruji-Sama,2019/02/10,"How do you help someone who’s cutting? Asking for a friend, literally",2.10923076923077,4.975895692307695,4.191153846153849,76.59134615384617,92.07692307692308,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.4294923076923083,56,3,9,1,2,19,13,13,0.097,0.519,0.383,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5755806006808667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756752467753233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126794134159687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216663047080385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elihaswords,2019/02/10,"Emotional dump Hi, I'm a 21 year old male and I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I tried to commit about six months ago and had to drop out of college and seek help. Right now I am dreading going to work tomorrow (my depression is worse in the mornings) and I ran out of Zoloft three days ago and still havent been able to refill. I am feeling very sick and slightly suicidal right now but I dont want to call a hotline because I dont wanna go back to the mental hospital and put my family through that again. 

I have nobody to talk to. The only person who ever truly got me was a girl I met when I was drunk at a party and shes dating one of my friends and it's just weird texting her about personal stuff. Shes the only person I know who has depression and knows theres no logical answer to these worries and thoughts. 

I work a job I dont like every day but I have so much anxiety about it. I write screenplays for fun and love inline skating. I wanted to be a hockey referee and I just feel stuck and I've been here so many times it makes me sick. Theres this constant inner voice telling me to just press the quit button. What am I supposed to do when I feel like this? How am I supposed to go to work at a school while I'm a danger to myself? I feel ashamed and embarrassed about this; I dont know what to tell my boss and I might even feel worse if I took a day off. It's a battle between me hating myself and me just fighting to stay alive. Then theres my parents, they acted supportive after my attempt but now my dad just pushes me to get a better job and my mom pushes me to ""seek God"". These arent answers! 

My God, I'm sorry for this rant. I usually keep to myself but I'm bursting. I want to kill myself or I want to run, get away from here and live in a goddamn cave, be a fucking monk, kill myself, kill myself, kill myself. Why dont people get what's going on inside of me? ",1.5055170517051728,3.1900784405940605,3.3906270627062685,90.74147414741476,78.95049504950495,6.172057205720573,21.865786578657865,7.054809383877858,0.5654892189218921,1486,43,325,17,36,500,200,404,0.262,0.654,0.084,-0.9975,4,0,0,0,2,4,34.0,0,0,1,6,29,24,10,3,18,0,28,7,0,3,2,59,63,33,5,6,11,3,6,2,1,1,4,1,0,5,17,23,1,1,12,2,0,11,8,17,0,3,12,7,55,7,47,48,1,50,1,3,0,2,25,12,1,3,27,219,72,8,0.07775996627009855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785903666110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897232271647633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305804801231959,0.059792614225439036,0.0,0.04740175369633914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877237106927005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940161964720027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403089880386333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044623596812234,0.0,0.20092363501692345,0.07892472892971904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556705067127293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746949584853579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05135972434969198,0.07033834133338893,0.06551612534240299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330517573967531,0.0,0.19658887685862889,0.055551735440534336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060077157048341774,0.07188783580930291,0.1218791188556262,0.0,0.17677112324169167,0.0,0.06219174853430394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677186799618117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212086628110599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432953592688586,0.06911663087549566,0.344119526321486,0.0,0.12820453158973202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759791834239166,0.0,0.06866347484512039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701814055105431,0.0,0.05190538130132456,0.07883640088856796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836375666100434,0.08249103590700045,0.0,0.09107153268547967,0.062067263203440914,0.0,0.05716252238491434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815960039662025,0.0,0.05269216558836344,0.11827991669337848,0.0,0.0,0.08634324027135956,0.0,0.0,0.05390896971884277,0.20369100961599215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781702435482476,0.0,0.08270729579169253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281317264285367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869723727180808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704591593716972,0.0,0.08288177775119596,0.06209920950994401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901655747032895,0.08505678214625563,0.08824108822601717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250051539273399,0.13593127585863468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173272734593883,0.04534246166117848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639418368629304,0.05279391279915468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856416170012271,0.06416011585529728,0.1834593711894392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016627476971557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983054468408074,0.07896902030587145,0.15848809769800362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007486881730469
suicidewatch,kaptankappy,2019/02/10,"The highs just make the lows all the more worse You know those times when things seem like they're going to be okay? There's a lull in the chaos. A seeming moment of clarity. I'd rather not have those moments. They give me false hope. I'm sick of trying to convince myself I can do things I can't only to realize that there's only so much room for self-improvement. You can try to change all you want, but people are always going to see you how they want to see you. Its not worth the effort trying to convince anyone (including yourself) otherwise.",3.307020202020201,5.030556590909093,3.873030303030305,89.0639898989899,74.0,6.707070707070707,21.313131313131315,7.3871296695380915,0.6111919191919184,435,10,88,5,9,137,76,110,0.092,0.784,0.124,0.1292,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,2,1,7,6,0,0,7,1,7,1,0,2,2,16,20,4,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,11,5,11,19,4,10,0,1,2,0,8,4,0,3,5,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614429940429219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566565771892486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052510081789452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861249045381656,0.22053591487488705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499635231538207,0.0,0.19270899387442295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066301748338178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479002237786507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951211195921933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262950802747473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29512704519770205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451138103198484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092230252097836,0.3532631940856821,0.20240869900560526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25780102306474995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313659246771204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951874145100385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228880031566672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977263988690103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnEmptyVoidd,2019/02/10,I'll die lonely then 22 and never had a girlfriend nor ever got in a small conversation with one. I try but I just cant find the right girl to relate with. I cant take the many more years of loneliness. Im gonna end myself very soon,0.3455769230769228,2.046817788461542,2.7621538461538457,93.78284615384615,82.65384615384616,5.6984615384615385,16.16923076923077,6.742157984588678,-0.4105430769230769,183,3,44,2,5,63,43,52,0.175,0.825,0.0,-0.8072,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,6,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,5,3,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240950795915445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765854635984236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824731705647515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854162742654957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497571034293277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373136376773453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166007001694341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084790962418934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116075357410023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666835559241574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347940606204696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201614442701172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576619096481957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010966805912391
suicidewatch,freezer_bum,2019/02/10,I wish I’d been in Chicago a week ago Just walk outside and let nature take its course.  Could’ve just sat down and been done with it.  ,2.8734482758620707,3.4478096206896574,3.085689655172416,98.76577586206898,73.48275862068967,5.8000000000000025,21.396551724137925,3.1291,-0.4878413793103449,105,2,26,0,2,32,25,29,0.0,0.899,0.101,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604705108877443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246767750333414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161439300782228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415826970751002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057500405874788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261899399468521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676271999655259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrjctAlias,2019/02/10,I normally use throw always but I just don’t even care All I do is ruin my own life. I was given all the tools I’ve ever needed for success and I always throw it all away. I took a precious life off this earth on accident. I try to better myself and end up making stupid comments that make people uncomfortable. I’m a detriment to society. I don’t deserve to live. I’m normally strong and was past my suicide thoughts and most of the depression but I just cant handle this shit. It’s either die or rot in prison.,0.8559034267912757,3.1365071682242984,3.106191588785048,88.67430295950157,84.7943925233645,5.809657320872272,21.06619937694704,7.1686216300943375,0.7401657320872279,405,13,83,6,12,138,73,107,0.314,0.527,0.159,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,9,2,0,4,0,7,3,1,3,4,22,17,7,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,5,0,12,5,10,12,6,11,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,2,3,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328805588080745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793397392102892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769095307451969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039430528584372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722848164837427,0.0,0.2075986804166103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716645787345414,0.0,0.0,0.1321173691213132,0.1809378208896092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825730128386132,0.0,0.0,0.17662940691618373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670420259298269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831908248437564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919721997101927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095046043133693,0.13867502875989948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205327051189944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879942747697734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880080411057929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222397491524887,0.13580666471560165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276096434652938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zeniak_,2019/02/10,"There is no future for someone like me. I just do nothing, I spend entire days going back and forth between the same sites on the internet, I lay down in my bed for a while, I look out the window, because there's nothing that I want to do and nothing that I do brings me anything. There's just nothing for me in this world and I should've never been born, nobody has been able to convince me otherwise so far, I'm just surviving because pain and death are scary and because I don't want to do something like that to my mom, but now I'm thinking that I shouldn't even care about my mom, she's the one who wouldn't let me play with other kids during and had to move with me a bunch of times because of work during my childhood, it's her fault that I'm messed up. That thought has been bringing me so much hate, I want to cry but nothing comes out.

I only hurt myself every once in a while, when things are just too much, but it's only been 1 month and 11 days into 2019 and I've already hurt myself twice, it's a sign that I keep getting worse and that I should've died a long time ago.

I can't have friends, I hate everyone. The only time I fell in love was with this guy over the internet, we could talk for hours about manga and obscure music and politics and internet culture on Discord voice chat, but IRL people just aren't interested in that sort of stuff, they're all a bunch of disgusting shallow normals, I can't relate to any of them, I see them as nothing but trash. I gave some people a chance before, tried to have friends, but none of it ever worked out and I still hate all of them. I used to fantasize about mass shootings and murder when I was younger.

Oh and did you notice? I fell in love with a GUY haha. I'm bisexual, but technically I'm just gay because girls are hot too but I don't really have any desire to date them, and these images that I see on the internet of guys holding hands or whtvr just fill me with an indescribable feeling, it's bitterness but happiness but admiration but hate, I can't explain it at all but I know I hate it. I'm already an edgelord who spends all day in his room, I can't connect with anyone, then I'm also gay haha I'm really set, huh? You can't legitimately believe that I have any chance at happiness after reading all of this, this life ins't going to work out.

I hate this life, so much, all of it, I wasn't made to be here, I think of suicide every single day at least once, I'm pretty much constantly haunted by all of these thoughts, I can't see any future for myself. There is no future for someone like me.",5.5937504843084085,4.834529146067418,6.219843729820488,83.26634831460676,67.46441947565543,9.01345731628568,30.21154591243704,8.104835398774808,1.8673817125145296,2020,63,435,22,29,662,234,534,0.205,0.695,0.099,-0.9967,0,0,1,1,0,5,51.0,1,2,4,4,28,30,9,0,17,3,38,8,1,2,9,82,80,39,4,8,20,2,3,3,2,2,3,1,3,5,31,29,0,2,7,3,2,9,16,14,0,2,13,9,60,16,64,62,18,65,0,2,4,4,28,26,0,4,32,290,91,4,0.06819748799486157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045295830647891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505152476805946,0.054537506510417035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855065217120664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768526927658369,0.0,0.05612072181720629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524396586883396,0.0,0.2078627784773457,0.0,0.0580310393012938,0.0768352153525124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953188413507716,0.0,0.0,0.05874609728930266,0.0,0.07369725692097619,0.0,0.05445014488379317,0.0,0.07491173825502419,0.17592695167707806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707782255438837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504379763477846,0.06168853227122404,0.11491864993841927,0.0651656223182328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03448269903544204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053784201072933,0.0,0.03563037272980005,0.0,0.07751640807841481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025787053261052,0.0,0.14519498819533308,0.0,0.4039854025522606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716078833710933,0.0,0.14601364278499038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061706081512835,0.0,0.0,0.0374795558835853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973655199592199,0.09633980522019674,0.09995354353833692,0.0,0.0,0.06035263082565881,0.057268713939433814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231017910461269,0.0645301120870136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974414740403334,0.05443458427551103,0.07248313698180825,0.200532002319052,0.0,0.05259810698341295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668190585372345,0.3926239741649527,0.07764329209205689,0.0,0.14525619797859474,0.046212382830179935,0.15560178814979214,0.07256693550694843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455910262218983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938136273027312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821594320364847,0.0,0.08737811421198298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630337051201068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556702053766565,0.05250175808625422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054462602006983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806980764806559,0.07459698296617423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481455757533773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530738070091003,0.08739639322646804,0.0,0.1082823754691783,0.1192995110384236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630161774782823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589007332568726,0.0,0.0,0.12067393606606792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489457504652634,0.0,0.06949906654116113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apachecommunications,2019/02/10,"Nothing ever changes, I'm so tired of hoping for something better I'm struggling with the idea of having to see another day.
I've always had depression and anxiety and it gets better for a bit but eventually I always end up back at the same place, but I feel like another big piece is taken away from my soul each time, and I'm so empty now.

",3.8044285714285735,4.849242014285718,5.547142857142859,80.22785714285716,71.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,26.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.039657142857143,271,9,53,5,5,93,53,70,0.149,0.728,0.124,-0.2115,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,11,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,4,10,9,4,11,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,1,7,33,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205088698600626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039052158163725,0.14733461701407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094930447550786,0.14809363583107366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406691815805838,0.2102638143339708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373993018112133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420781602231012,0.0,0.16588175657650706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705819690805981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421316731719086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738179845481676,0.13758987769118958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062291737886024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129025141264397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741626676099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409216896170283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480005814588574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122074113774954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534732475265355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482690093146189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134206872624705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230366980806948,0.22135957431078834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silentio_noctis,2019/02/10,"Felt suicidal, most possibly delete later - bc anxiety and confrontation It's 3 in the morning where I live. As you guys, I want to die too. So nothing new, maybe it gets boring to read stuff like this repeatedly.


Not even sure why do I write this. I lurk a lot rather. Avoiding confrontation and reddit has a lot. I am pretty sensitive. Sometimes it's good bc I can be happy about things like I'm a child and get excited as heck.


But then, many things hurt too. I stick to old or oldish memories (not sure a year for example is old), and rethinking it and feeling hurt again. Questioning myself and my trust in others. Then they repeat something similar and I forgive but pain comes again.


I am at the point now where ""mom would be sad"" isn't really coming up for me. I still try, I always wanted to make everyone happy. I love to hear that they are happy. I am even subscribed to such positive subs bc it makes me happy for them.


But now... It's just hard. My goals are unreachable bc money problems. Paying out my last installments on my student loan, my work is non-existent bc my pc (worked on that at home) died and can't afford a new one at all, I can't find a job in my country so I planned to move but like this I can't even gather any savings. I'm just a burden for everyone.


I was told that I should deal with my depression alone bc they can't handle it. From the closest person I have. Ofc I wouldn't expect it, but believe me I try to tell only minimum things. I can't even talk about suicide bc they get sad and say oh no matter what they do it never helps me. I repeat it that it helps me and highlights of my day, but they think bc i still get depressed it's not working. Best person I know, please don't talk bad about this. I am not perfect either. Very much not.


I tried professionals in my country but healthcare is so shit, you can't talk more than 5-10 mins, they don't even understand you but prescribing medicine and go on your way. Medicine doesn't help me either. I am still feeling like utter shit. Not to mention if you talk about being suicidal, they can force you to a psych ward with police involvement. Ofc depends on the level but 100% I would be there. And wards are horrible here. Generally hospitals are (healthcare is low on money bc shitty government) but wards oh dear. They sedate you to no end and no therapy just sit or be a zombie all day. Nurses and doctors are underpaid so they don't really care. 


I just don't want to deal with this. Any happiness I get is taken away from me. Can't afford any silly entertainment, can't go anywhere, I'm stuck and people are just leaving me. Motivation left since even if I try I can't just reach it. And I don't have any support. My family never been big on money either so we all struggle as heck. 


Everyone would be happy without me.",1.6419101425881095,3.924315627865962,3.3085833856455302,88.45845574387947,81.43386243386244,6.5953905479329205,21.955848503871106,7.773731181650412,1.068769192598571,2199,70,450,39,59,728,262,567,0.213,0.6609999999999999,0.126,-0.9951,3,2,1,0,0,2,75.0,1,7,11,8,36,43,4,2,13,0,52,5,2,4,8,94,82,40,5,13,31,1,4,4,0,5,2,2,1,4,28,23,0,1,11,2,6,5,29,18,0,1,6,6,74,25,47,65,12,56,0,7,0,1,44,24,4,9,29,302,102,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659998987805818,0.0,0.0,0.05350643193828635,0.0,0.0,0.174916853161195,0.0,0.04919270821340485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041612295114485,0.0,0.05369150789218029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244906517240793,0.0674835255314846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556264574974999,0.0,0.0,0.11078513443635807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294206718338376,0.13259007472143308,0.11077061202006044,0.0,0.13347567913203084,0.0,0.0,0.065818302591585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695463294039214,0.0,0.0,0.2548347927821441,0.0,0.0,0.18433689799685551,0.0,0.0,0.06062048783039872,0.0,0.06502849763035327,0.045939093225688746,0.06174233114754025,0.0,0.05877307839868071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679820368938461,0.0,0.0730913719059474,0.05393549979755025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367148950897948,0.0,0.4107195293541943,0.057604133066731476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247575914838744,0.0,0.12930569942253928,0.0,0.06450258015376915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767843135022273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638122183060488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035340029625543154,0.05241668801047405,0.0,0.06808909999963267,0.06986694463270977,0.0,0.0,0.12566357334630324,0.0,0.0567819843447789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933864316773144,0.05803725310993981,0.0,0.08584740446386079,0.06519459277513542,0.06460243682927218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531256399222888,0.0,0.0683454258701949,0.04727115046958542,0.0,0.0991910717840388,0.1242112264633005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170182895525726,0.0,0.13495335126153135,0.0,0.04357434179204777,0.048906411983477255,0.06842444074353622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044580590794787385,0.11229628508486338,0.0,0.07058694709838059,0.06078846553658715,0.07249357593990527,0.0,0.06542071688267441,0.0,0.0615306490936743,0.0,0.0,0.07203567143722191,0.0,0.06432182551040125,0.0,0.08239012101602787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113745881230288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201513394380046,0.053193283887541534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049504687086591885,0.0635987194179078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406078778435306,0.0,0.0,0.06722494576401801,0.07361318057537154,0.2110158078865061,0.0729718981091158,0.121212316877637,0.0,0.0,0.2067418402331579,0.056204900750950935,0.0,0.07353771282435477,0.0,0.12816300554888713,0.04120367828506863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144563266561851,0.0,0.17463393088235232,0.0,0.0,0.06694317301400048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305788415561949,0.11378524571774587,0.051041858503816234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802474058431055,0.0,0.0,0.061987169853831285,0.0,0.1404431592090049,0.0,0.0,0.13704005309317496,0.0,0.0,0.04140994063677388
suicidewatch,badgercookies19,2019/02/10,"I'm planning on ending my life soon. Hey all, 

I've been contemplating my suicide for some time now. My first major suicide attempt was in 2010, but I haven't had an attempt since 2013. Fast forward to now, where I'm dealing with a bunch of physical health issues along with the mental ones. I'm hoping that some day I can look back on this time and see it as a dark time, but one that I got through. I just don't know. I've ordered the stuff, I have a plan, I just am looking and grasping for anything that gives me a reason to keep going and to see a future for myself again. I have been surviving one day at a time but barely doing any of my schoolwork. For years I was just living one day at a time and never thinking about the future, and then when I decided to go back and study what I am now it's like suddenly the rain had cleared. Up until the last month or so I was able to see a future, but it's all so dark now. I just can't see a future where I'm successful and where things get better in any meaningful or permanent way. I'm behind in school and every time I try to study or catch up I just lose the will to go on. I'm in a field I'm supposed to love. Second semester. I know I would like this if I could just get through it, but I can't.

The rope arrives Thursday. I'm scared, but I think it's the right decision. ",2.715524475524475,3.346960447552452,4.1800069930069945,90.56385664335664,73.89510489510491,7.118601398601397,24.439860139860137,7.1686216300943375,0.775050909090909,1032,29,239,10,20,344,139,286,0.047,0.8340000000000001,0.119,0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,9,21,8,0,1,19,0,20,3,0,1,4,46,48,24,2,4,16,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,11,0,1,9,0,0,5,5,2,0,6,8,6,25,6,34,37,6,55,0,1,6,1,4,16,0,7,36,162,38,2,0.1121081670831484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247479593879618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225546927453256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240852092553924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915056341148072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950924909131346,0.0,0.0,0.2169014798741072,0.1155785976096286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929456056875707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445596595315113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535914965044234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714378041397205,0.10754436927302773,0.19114096466123254,0.0,0.08966314249235925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916573919515115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134870559578927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701179981859007,0.0,0.0996468899626304,0.0,0.0,0.12322343349408313,0.09138311905050482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918531384321345,0.10954077526915093,0.0,0.09899356545125414,0.0,0.18828525037294105,0.12542036280748714,0.0,0.0,0.10118199778761536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297866429750862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948366939146672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646472970379887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038695815908401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526586735033767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573976214039066,0.0,0.0,0.11223983267810572,0.1134594502575374,0.35734277788778795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273703430501322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833702966622534,0.2452562777943009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447968473707044,0.14366877347499446,0.0,0.0,0.3922270426570907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761140864760987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898624482495374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963842535541797,0.0,0.0,0.07219398399090918
suicidewatch,I_Hate_Strawberries,2019/02/10,"Hello. Sorry, can't think of a better title, just know I'm a depressed piece of s***. Hey, so hi, I'm Lewis, I'm 15, I'm transgender(I was born a female, I ""identify as"" male), and in a freshman in high school. oh, and I'm a depressed fuck. Now that introductions are out of the way, time for me to be selfish and talk about all of my problems as if that will somehow fix anything in any way. 

In October of last year, I tried to kill myself and well I told my mom before it was too late and went to the hospital then psych hospital then got meds and a therapist, all of the normal mumbo jumbo. Meds were a no go because reasons, but I do have a therapist. I can't really tell her any of this though, because she has an obligation to tell other people. 

Let's first dive into school. So, I go to this thing called an early college high school, so I go to a college campus and I have (only one for now) a college class. That sounds impressive on the surface, but really they allow anyone in. 

I have one friend, she's awesome, but I'm pretty sure I'm incredibly unhealthy for her. I know that she made these decisions on her own, but recently she has started cutting. I used to do that too, but I stopped it because she would stop talking to me if I had continued. Pretty hypocritical, but hey she's literally the only person who cares. It just sucks that I can't do more to help her. Why do I only have one friend, you ask? Well, the answer is simple. On top of being a depressed fuck, I'm an autistic fuck. Alright, never diagnosed, but my friend, previous teachers, mother, and therapist have all thought that I am, and frankly it would explain a lot. I have enough other stuff to worry about tho, so let's ignore that for now. 

Now let's go to the next problem that probably won't matter (ok it's lifelong, but still) in 10 years, but I'll still complain about anyways. That topic is my transgenderism. But before we jump right in into that, I'd like to ask everyone not to say transgenderism, it's actually pretty rude and I was just saying it spitefuly. However, we can discuss this at another time. 

Dysphoria is slowly killing me. I hate how I have such a feminine voice and body and face. And I can't really complain about that because there's people who are jealous of that, so really I'm ungrateful. But I don't want these things because I'm not a girl. At least I'm not supposed to be. Ignoring whatever your views on trans people, please just show some respect. I've had a teacher tell me that no matter what I do or how I change, I will always be a girl. I've had my butt groped last year when I rode the school bus, by a few boys who thought that it was fun to pick on the tranny. I've had a girl, once she found out I was trans after months of knowing me, back me up against a wall and start groping my chest as well as my privates. I've had random parents who I've never met, tell their children not to speak at me, and forcefully misgender me to their kids. I understand that other people should not affect me, but you're a liar if you say you have never cared about others. Plus, my life isn't gonna get any better, as long as I exist as a trans human, I'm going to have that same kind of shit happening to me. 


While I'm sure you love hearing all about that, how about we discuss my family. Oh, family, where do I start with this. I guess I'll inform you that my parents are split up. I love with my mother. She hates me, I read messages in which she said I'm manipulative, selfish, a terrible person, etc etc. She said that she can hardly wait for me to leave the state to go to a college, for the sake of herself and my siblings. I like to think that I'm not as arrogant and self absorbed as she believes, but either way, I've done enough to ruin our relationship, and if I am that bad, which I probably am, then I do deserve to die, because I tried being better and it still didn't change her views of me. 

How about my dad. If my relationship is so strained with her, maybe I would benefit from my father. Well, heh, about that. We kinda got into and argument in 2015 and haven't talked since then. I'd love to, but well my sisters told me about him agreeing with other family members that I should be beaten with a cane for being transgender. I don't think he's really a danger to me, so if he ever decides to try, I will lovingly welcome him back into my life. Well, maybe. You see the thing is he's sorta marrying this girl in September, they've been dating for over 5 years I think, so good for him. Only she may or may not have molested me, and that was so long ago and I have such a terrible memory of that time, that there's no point in saying anything. 


Well, thanks to coming along this ride, but I'm afraid it's time for me to go. I doubt if anything I said makes any sense whatsoever, but hey thanks for reading this far. I don't wanna sound desperate here, but if your feel like it please do respond, I know I just went on a long ass rant, but it's human nature to want to feel heard. Bye.


",3.554657371379161,4.405164370622568,4.94642671854734,85.02943687851277,72.1225680933852,8.084651967142241,26.14548205793342,8.387378750377035,1.5785965845222658,3895,122,824,61,72,1304,391,1028,0.16399999999999998,0.7,0.136,-0.9787,3,0,0,0,0,2,148.0,5,8,3,6,58,70,16,3,42,3,79,16,6,12,10,152,160,82,3,19,41,8,3,3,3,12,3,13,0,13,64,41,0,5,20,3,0,13,24,34,7,4,30,19,123,36,117,108,17,103,0,4,3,9,115,38,7,20,52,563,187,14,0.0,0.0,0.04520058348839715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105892708683826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038541051249052834,0.0,0.0,0.1259938134126417,0.04856942533083479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032387265225590524,0.0,0.1143495714537986,0.0,0.08660387358785375,0.0,0.0,0.07123277943248195,0.03867436273265578,0.16941349911713294,0.0,0.07882797726343553,0.052185560363589636,0.0,0.12289595971558676,0.0,0.051449877302766366,0.0,0.0,0.04729679519936823,0.0,0.09445045009837512,0.0,0.09799854954426014,0.03989964747480817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968325152978307,0.04701272791336816,0.048071725244762116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740033585724582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571965058176077,0.10331567737094098,0.0,0.04189811416303845,0.0,0.04425971218427545,0.0,0.0,0.13099606403817368,0.0,0.04684047448185393,0.033090245082841724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039398848951628485,0.0,0.050786304063618636,0.10735764606695497,0.1284632830931792,0.02419972350357158,0.0,0.184268764138288,0.0388501117816685,0.0740909418872616,0.0,0.05102551146498919,0.0,0.04095966721782735,0.0,0.041492653579345735,0.09146068641475992,0.0,0.0,0.052204788218241836,0.0,0.031046595133252412,0.09787696229612164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024900426014472,0.04823402652864009,0.10182266644220014,0.07551220239269027,0.052249758290978256,0.049045047436810485,0.0,0.14209269904569075,0.06543284479218486,0.0678872526867201,0.0,0.0,0.12297235758125095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937868866578361,0.16721853171180298,0.043828081227287666,0.030918238192895943,0.0,0.09306715990789424,0.0,0.10289975460553273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054248158275063366,0.03697131934287865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071720177161066,0.0,0.04926069597353781,0.0,0.04538270631161913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932813718956811,0.09416069504062938,0.1409105008412083,0.0,0.0,0.10286335644309064,0.0,0.0,0.12844682572119062,0.08088778716408987,0.0,0.1016885277930942,0.043786350177472164,0.0,0.0,0.1413689781276985,0.09987925789154227,0.08864190020526859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266290737862286,0.0,0.14836542829826813,0.04762356327275967,0.045734344686786665,0.09945836955232464,0.0,0.039556103856433586,0.13217969706078914,0.14733865439612906,0.0,0.18750887604253236,0.03691018161750925,0.0,0.04832073443555639,0.0,0.047545704868220566,0.03831548855247426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051850237782484654,0.09835430809134434,0.0,0.11097104595415054,0.07744938083647544,0.0,0.0,0.05302408070180206,0.0,0.0,0.08731006623999263,0.0,0.0,0.11168817800642936,0.1619391076413984,0.08528847518735615,0.0,0.16133950542781506,0.0923166951365679,0.11871717241515432,0.04550810287316935,0.07354409583463098,0.10803573693094463,0.0,0.0,0.0885194243685509,0.0,0.0943425169107228,0.0,0.0,0.048219628340806064,0.0,0.040004674376639314,0.0,0.0,0.054640197171706775,0.11029740611622747,0.0,0.0,0.29152389684746216,0.08587620416947125,0.04179562006960712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470391107523617,0.0,0.09871089358992928,0.0,0.0,0.119311461182306
suicidewatch,undergroundman646,2019/02/10,"I think I'm done I don't know why I'm still here. I have no hope and most days are torture. I feel like I'm living out of spite. I think on some level it feels like something magical is supposed to happen but its not. I'm just going to die and I won't be here anymore. I don't even really care what happens after that, not worried about hurting anyone, lots of people will be happy. I'm embarrassed I'm still alive. ",0.1306666666666665,2.209847400000001,2.4733333333333363,93.36000000000004,86.11111111111109,4.933333333333334,19.0,6.2581,-0.04420000000000002,326,9,72,3,10,111,61,90,0.19,0.617,0.193,-0.1606,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,16,26,3,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,2,7,5,8,21,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,6,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961956219658387,0.13832833728525926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017023300199679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758490765776498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531779318889745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202450240865501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306657952520425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000590326968346,0.2826616295502772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243216201232872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34988336449739804,0.21059523836091654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649125026020176,0.0,0.0,0.21178263994128105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872298146195432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330088995593311,0.0,0.17468877917488432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818920923609446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715140586756505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267358813049679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523003017661635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159768747936708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253524787489931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785120969542975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200907422483144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gizmogadjet66,2019/02/10,"I guess I want help before it gets too late.  

I'm in college, and I have been having panic attacks and general anxiety since freshman year.. its my senior year now. I have started seeing our school therapist semi-regularly now (twice a month). I'm honest with my therapist and he thinks I might have panic disorder, major depression and are possibly bi-polar. I try to be honest with him except about suicidal thoughts. I just feel like I have no direction in life. I feel alone like Ive distanced myself from family friends and anyone who has ever tried to get to know me. I have had two serious attempts where I almost swerved my car off the rode, Someone who I was close to told me their life and my friends lifes would all be better without me, I was driving and I thought if I just get my car up to 100 mph then undo my seatbelt close my eyes and move the steering wheel all this will be over. I didnt do it but I sought therapy after that. Then another day I was back home and I just felt out of place, I never felt like my house in college was a home and when I came back it felt odd too, I felt like a stranger who didnt belong in my own home. I thought about hanging myself, but I didnt want to ruin my parents house with that memory. So I figured I would get a hotel and do it there. I got in my car and filled up for gas and got as far as Home Depot I was there to buy rope. A part of me is scared because the next thought like that might be my last. I think one day the voice of reason or impulse that has stopped me will disappear. The reason Im afraid to tell my therapist is not because I'm embarrassed but because, my parents are immigrants and we don't have health insurance. I went to the hospital freshman year for a panic attack and it took my father over a year to pay the bill. My school therapist is free but if I need more help I don't want to put my parents through financial ruin. They make 17,000 dollars a year, my hospital bill for the panic attack was around 4,000-5,000 dollars. I sometimes feel like I dont want to be a waste anymore I dont want to take more from my parents and family. I think I want help but I feel like what if Im broken and I just put my family through terribly worry and financial strain only to end it all. I dont know if there are resources for me",3.2171159029649594,4.290298947589104,4.518434261755019,86.94162264150945,73.15094339622641,7.799436957172806,26.83611859838275,8.238735603445708,1.6132568912848155,1806,63,385,28,35,598,212,477,0.136,0.736,0.128,-0.8029999999999999,4,1,0,0,0,1,40.0,2,0,2,2,20,29,3,8,17,0,45,5,1,3,5,86,87,34,1,14,17,5,8,7,2,6,4,1,4,0,16,27,0,1,20,1,7,14,12,16,0,3,25,11,74,14,47,51,8,56,0,3,2,0,21,17,0,9,32,258,90,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971519526586575,0.061763209997023935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253182386749298,0.04562012056262845,0.0,0.05914125880104097,0.041697729607491685,0.0,0.0,0.053087221743891064,0.0,0.2035280736001596,0.0,0.091710280422776,0.0,0.10905765319857197,0.0,0.050744446289943054,0.0,0.0,0.05274174342270658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820581865672291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691845482880967,0.0,0.051362985071172304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834614062519996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967306995535195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052818340679054485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053942690846702716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865389590206867,0.0,0.1206116926530556,0.12780839158532026,0.2290333419781899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921467139592377,0.0,0.12462596272940987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539008742048194,0.0,0.06569396845739059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338853381321366,0.0,0.0,0.11991495917445333,0.0,0.2392724930247854,0.0,0.0,0.13762008469544698,0.0,0.0,0.1288306796658038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554696705089377,0.048609960975474376,0.06727015319442688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126364531734421,0.20394034513527884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980639696273989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652525957257132,0.0,0.0,0.047599575526169564,0.06338188486343291,0.0,0.0442181207543256,0.04599369314953782,0.0,0.06342181615749505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040409784258405836,0.04535461640560455,0.0,0.27987228019447097,0.26486758876411604,0.06457819827363807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230521147334045,0.0,0.0,0.06722877829875908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989800160763656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262810400698768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970439554991696,0.12070630783065185,0.04752086235531327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933015709451228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052799792292858,0.0,0.05897990480392206,0.0,0.04220950545385267,0.0,0.0,0.049856993449315205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652303084882788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044837615549008975,0.0,0.05212305729023161,0.0,0.06819708543781375,0.27696034333148123,0.0,0.11463386582625898,0.0,0.18937207578223264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698318454214819,0.06625596585301816,0.08097562901616895,0.0,0.05825410245149981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104333615352236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528164721896603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748539295296061,0.0,0.0,0.0605615851621529,0.0,0.08472507370941419,0.0,0.0,0.1920128564731196
suicidewatch,fuckwoodyallen,2019/02/10,ive attempted before i failed obviously but im on the verge of doing it again. ive cut and ive taken pills but they stitched me and pumped my stomach i just wanna do something fool proof like shooting my head i know whrre they keep the gun. i know even thst can fail though will someone just please fucking empty the cartridges on my head. ive been cutting lightly at my legs again and im bleeding ibjust wanna fucking die,1.4909302325581422,4.0047371627907005,2.582604651162793,91.86413953488373,84.34883720930233,4.370232558139535,23.71627906976744,5.6839178017228535,0.4259432558139529,340,13,67,2,10,108,57,86,0.27,0.667,0.063,-0.966,0,0,1,2,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,3,6,8,4,0,3,0,9,8,4,0,2,14,15,6,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,15,1,6,12,0,6,0,2,0,2,2,4,2,0,3,41,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890763039630529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060909210017386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467613690153872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41084165978355547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560837425583147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800294520719965,0.0,0.0,0.19750206017372748,0.0,0.0,0.24423122473655265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108555965955375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439094805935209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826980669633536,0.17106084071615027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831091422969853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Angrbodas_Babies,2019/02/10,"I am ready to stop living. Every year life gets a little harder.

Every year people listen less.

Every year it becomes more obvious that I am completely locked out of having a life that isn't built around suffering.

I don't think things get better from here, and I don't think there's a way out. This is just the way life is, and it will simply continue to get more and more miserable until I am dead.

Everything I do turns out to be another reason to take from me, to punish me, to hurt me. Everything I don't do becomes another reason to neglect me, forget me, pass me over.

What's the point? Why not just hurry things along?",3.224047619047621,4.763751880952384,4.682730158730159,83.93171428571429,73.84126984126985,7.897142857142858,22.123809523809523,8.548686976883017,1.3317200000000002,491,12,97,9,10,164,70,126,0.171,0.768,0.061,-0.9367,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,5,0,14,3,0,2,1,19,22,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,13,1,17,20,4,16,0,4,0,0,1,7,0,0,6,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966666505089333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592954503420747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124632936534789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511002714691194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831829972237634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357558889974543,0.0,0.25427056370292184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217213051053664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514360406638876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997525104354793,0.0,0.14178025600332625,0.12491192419731555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807067227903356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337255872051167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29088923546436024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182670385754028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636044496254236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795970610227253,0.18128393355694056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386804662672432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456900137922176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276458031728289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273287139866132
suicidewatch,443319,2019/02/10,"I want out I'm tired of everything, bored, upset, angry, isolated and lonely.

I push everyone away, even those I desire and love the most...

The only thing that keeps me here is my Mum. 

But right now I feel like being selfish and it's consuming me... the option of ending everything.

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​

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​",3.6642364532019727,6.783516655172416,4.120738916256162,80.27672413793105,80.72413793103449,6.762561576354681,25.52709359605912,7.957251820313856,2.159509359605912,258,10,40,5,7,81,44,58,0.267,0.5820000000000001,0.152,-0.7964,0,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,7,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,6,1,6,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897689117151748,0.5492598662584984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617309464644606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008999813880412,0.0,0.0,0.07463956432939049,0.0,0.0,0.10798231753290363,0.20312546705016746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057139356982628585,0.08073168973399895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044515000387136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520914705705576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199255540518956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859463476750856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965067226195712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507633312451259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298840639499528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665401591960549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5492598662584984,0.0
suicidewatch,Dreadthought,2019/02/10,"Good Luck and God Speed It may not be tonight, it may not be tomorrow but it's coming soon. I have suffered so much over the years over the years, but I'm a good person, I feel I have justify it, have spent 1000s of hours volunteering for free at schools, youth centres and food banks. All whilst I have a job where I lose money every month, I can't even provide for my little girl every month.

I see her fornightly and it was the first time she didn't call me daddy she came to greet me.

I only live for my daughter these days, she's the only reason I keep going but after today I feel like for her it's best to step off this mortal coil , I've reached the end of the road and I don't have the energy to carry on. UK male 32 years old. Good luck to you all and God Speed. ",0.7532228915662635,2.5644626807228943,2.3176957831325318,96.92485692771086,81.83132530120481,5.113855421686747,17.001506024096383,5.985473137389443,-0.6118060240963854,599,11,142,4,16,195,100,166,0.057,0.73,0.213,0.9795,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,4,10,0,0,9,0,13,1,0,1,2,22,22,9,1,0,5,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,7,1,1,3,0,4,4,5,2,0,1,4,3,21,9,16,14,4,32,0,2,1,0,11,8,0,4,21,86,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165897861635749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614199371526482,0.18080429990999045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361741014512202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195015358935476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001419962345854,0.0,0.0,0.10441201972379338,0.0,0.2663826980418179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986255337575347,0.11293419055398045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344649187085619,0.19115402198098105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984194444288968,0.3977763763317767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556794481090884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687251784538175,0.14051101553970236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723113878339256,0.15844022417921694,0.13958976962219422,0.0,0.0,0.17685391439759834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523599334636388,0.0,0.11620884828115813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588102220904838,0.0,0.0,0.2404577740844464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803156710096268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253516877982288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998795932559073,0.12597130887783195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217919412997598,0.0,0.14984375371875416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053998978861424
suicidewatch,12940904129021490421,2019/02/10,"i dont think i can ever rebuild my psyche the fundemental concept of life is horrific to me. taking in energy, reproducing, growing, the very basics of biology disgust me. i hardly eat anymore. i cant stand to look at myself. im chained by guilt. i cant shut myself off to the limitless cruelty in the world but i cant do a single thing about it. i have no hope, only anxiety about the future. ive tried to kill myself several times in the past year and each hospitalization has only clarified the situation to me. there is only pain ahead ",2.2296176720475778,4.621965130841126,5.297094307561597,74.41041631265931,79.93457943925233,8.376890399320306,25.61512319456245,9.095868883498916,2.628970093457944,427,17,77,12,11,155,72,107,0.22,0.721,0.059,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,1,8,0,11,3,0,0,1,6,15,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,2,15,1,16,15,2,15,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,1,6,58,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850230914878902,0.0,0.20548008138343776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24282900720392184,0.0,0.0,0.21201047412059607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741820397348394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560450195143052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578969953585272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380432103642525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292286907566163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634675685051987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399019096790286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727395286676341,0.2204682818643766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778945145904636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340694563736141,0.0,0.0,0.2328939528476375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557835778072328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765002351447514,0.1327611020168951,0.0,0.0,0.12081608077728018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067065173817872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095617343797706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342569358387926
suicidewatch,That_Kid_Roo,2019/02/10,"I’m scared to die, but fuck, death sounds amazing right now. I recently broke up with my boyfriend over a lie someone told me. He said he never said that and would never do that. So I apologized for getting upset and telling other people (a friend who was there when he supposedly said that and his brother) and hoped he would talk it through and we could get back together. That didn’t happen. He doesn’t wanna talk and doesn’t wanna get back together. I’m so depressed because not only are break ups hard but he literally made me feel human and alive. When I was in six grade my friend committed suicide and since then I’ve been depressed, numb, and felt dead. My ex made me so happy and made me feel wanted. Now that he’s gone, all I’ve wanted to do was kill myself. I didn’t think he would leave me like everyone else. And to make it worse he’s a senior and graduating in 3 months and going to college in a different state. I don’t want him to forget about me. ",2.9582653061224486,4.583330081632656,3.9375,88.65125,74.71428571428571,6.940816326530613,23.47448979591837,7.6454224807358475,0.9468734693877544,760,22,160,10,16,245,113,196,0.256,0.594,0.15,-0.9828,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,0,11,14,2,2,4,0,16,2,0,4,4,41,41,21,5,10,3,2,4,1,2,3,1,4,0,1,9,15,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,15,8,18,6,17,22,1,23,0,3,0,1,26,7,1,1,13,95,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255601175197454,0.0,0.07632625500703688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996921223737633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568468685054706,0.0,0.12994719235884772,0.13081677405590314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045960677704315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964258207237845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661888286059353,0.0,0.12022029233320768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347235287304046,0.11575371921964588,0.1962496317203961,0.0,0.07115917016941356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072192079250054,0.13328732753310754,0.11216268625062024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436080623027874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385252267625647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257827092890645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117080146855582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554273997633639,0.08357799154060304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994064331886894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931378265946216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522710005186064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680416754802049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362879959394148,0.0,0.0,0.10692781693660162,0.357307345064844,0.0,0.1253560695502926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357419326850788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608919433022357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695834305544846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012765310961679,0.10943820023075752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022888278703638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964258207237845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155456797873505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759868588376974,0.26683468113393616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Outtoc,2019/02/10,Why do we trust people? When they just end up hurting us?,-1.16,0.8274363333333383,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,102.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,44,1,10,0,2,14,12,12,0.165,0.611,0.224,0.2406,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097557724777776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952584985534169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207316679180768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564908776937043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174545804874276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dreadpiratepatrick,2019/02/10,I hate my life and myself You might be thinking I want to kill my self because a friend or family member died or I have no one or I am a failure in life. Well none those apply to me. I am a teenager in high school and have a lot of friends and two happily married wealthy parents that love each other and me (hopefully). The reason I hate myself is I am always lonely inside. I can go hang out with friends and go to school and put on this fake cool druggie look. But it’s not me. I use drugs alone to have fun and connect with myself. Because the real me is fucked in the head I am extremely emotional and wouldn’t be liked by anyone. I love being by myself because I feel like I don’t have to censor myself or try to please someone. I can just be me and do whatever the fuck I want and don’t have to attempt to make small talk. Whenever I go to school or am around friends and family I get super anxious and can’t relax. I have to smoke myself to sleep every night because my brain is flooded with stuff that happened that day. I feel like I let down my parents every day since I have shitty grades they caught me with drugs and the only thing I was good at I quit. I really want to meet just one person as fucked up as me and someone who really is like me. I’ve had a lot of friends over the years but none of them I have been really able to open up to. I com template suicide all the time now and the only thing that is stopping me is knowing it would hurt my parents. I don’t want you to feel bad for me just want to share my life so it can help someone else out.,2.4964970059880223,3.5146923263473053,3.928783233532936,90.6907676646707,74.83832335329342,6.661365269461077,23.839041916167666,6.918507183188421,0.6726243353293411,1223,35,274,11,25,405,158,334,0.141,0.7040000000000001,0.155,-0.7114,3,3,4,0,0,2,19.0,0,2,2,3,7,29,6,0,13,1,38,13,3,3,1,57,65,25,3,8,11,3,3,4,5,3,5,0,0,2,14,24,0,1,6,1,0,6,9,10,1,3,4,5,53,19,40,53,6,28,0,2,1,5,21,15,3,9,11,197,67,5,0.08085594691753267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374237612883882,0.0,0.0,0.06727862507024654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134420528653593,0.0,0.05653635807914524,0.0,0.0,0.07197893521282668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751133832098076,0.19715613905264606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026197742710523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429079343242773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391570739269179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875344567202774,0.0,0.06754476844110185,0.09095205736929636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624924513283326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244758151770935,0.0,0.12264958863263548,0.11552700926733488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123455200831866,0.22425006008966472,0.042243895058270815,0.0,0.1378568938777852,0.06781813209000828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150064682830874,0.0,0.0,0.15965701584533834,0.08298152847863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419603684860989,0.08542874721790647,0.0,0.08030819933316374,0.0,0.0,0.08655796347768925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945512545906255,0.0,0.04443631386018507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268068388118452,0.17133283950685804,0.15800852588908645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789863132013184,0.0,0.0,0.1374816692665243,0.1459512978400142,0.0,0.05397197242417055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577538212016325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587782885004593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958016439934744,0.12298918227858788,0.0,0.0,0.2693428811871822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060029408912974,0.0,0.0887555491302934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128255921451158,0.0,0.08600025230202933,0.0,0.09203176921169674,0.1553951700906607,0.08313337997016629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549160492058894,0.0,0.0,0.08435038666177128,0.0,0.0,0.06688487483248373,0.0,0.08091434011540617,0.0,0.2055269443072806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759919211269601,0.0,0.0,0.09256071460476073,0.0884432824765559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498894736347892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743419667308704,0.05180922596471257,0.0,0.0,0.04714775287391415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054895880433255335,0.0,0.07898451130983106,0.0,0.0,0.06983357747693401,0.0,0.0,0.2384546619865453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269920668771751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057437744819765935,0.0,0.0,0.05206857884853952
suicidewatch,cedoxi,2019/02/10,"I feel like i only have a few days left in me. I'm having trouble putting my feelings into words but lately i feel like i'm inching closer and closer to taking my life. 

I work so little hours that i can barely afford to pay rent while i still have to pay for groceries and my phone. 

I find myself unattractive when i see myself on camera no matter how much i work out every single week. 

My cat passed in October and ever since i've felt incredibly lonely. 



But the thing that destroys me the most is that i have a crush on someone that doesn't want a relationship. In the past i've been lied to,cheated on and abused so it took me a very VERY long time to love someone again. So falling in love with my friend only to have her tell me she doesn't want a relationship while still acting like we're a couple (cuddling,watching movies under the blanket,cooking together and spendint 5 days a week together) just destroy my heart. 

I'm scared and tired.",5.8452213231794365,5.706774921465971,6.194383626844361,81.57844835792481,66.80104712041884,8.201999048072347,29.40552118039029,7.348242739294969,1.6640638743455491,754,23,148,6,11,243,113,191,0.221,0.659,0.12,-0.9546,2,2,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,2,1,11,0,10,5,1,1,1,24,24,15,0,2,3,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,6,9,0,0,5,0,3,5,3,5,0,0,3,5,24,6,17,21,4,36,0,1,1,2,9,15,0,1,19,93,30,4,0.0,0.15883877567638438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833446409720716,0.0,0.1729147806317301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126463766338218,0.1129510456196088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335377663729426,0.1915444959908581,0.12871829710325056,0.0,0.12252810067887128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035741608802345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886134274633487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202176098272514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512251358736402,0.0,0.14565621300302606,0.0,0.09469030257701222,0.19648433499854154,0.1343629982037226,0.0,0.11863858061864326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419881546425673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854927531026604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391682500293773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797511477707774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476698597436018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878598091413183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421710670398415,0.0,0.10682819237447744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089553620793108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271766300050861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412043553069088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007961805000122,0.0,0.11717405188721695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906328132458505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817126591096556,0.15408185836633645,0.0,0.0,0.14894521511795852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212265189693914,0.1581437218414957,0.0,0.21506914603181584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951940584597769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,memesterofpuppets,2019/02/10,I can't fucking deal with this shit anymore Can't I just go one goddamn day without thinking about killing myself and how better off everyone would be without me?,3.9440860215053775,6.562368354838711,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,75.12903225806451,5.423655913978496,36.13978494623656,6.42735559955562,2.5033784946236555,133,8,22,1,3,41,27,31,0.2,0.626,0.175,-0.2344,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,8,7,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782403649365281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24813272890742585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093814179641,0.2892452835507507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680873282658936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593734169299542,0.0,0.0,0.1594488474078192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103983322404132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901148766023104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879910500902099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977167045026266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409001106168526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930194170779733,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ViridianSurfer,2019/02/10,"Not really thinking of killing myself... just really depressed. My parents don't care. My former girlfriend and former friend and now ghosting me, don't care. I have no reason to motivated. I can't prove my skills, there's no one to say ""I did this."" to. I'm trying so hard to prove myself but no one's listening. I should just let my grades drop and become a recluse. I'm very sad, and suicide may start popping up. I just thought things were getting better.",1.4485757575757567,4.03704521111111,2.6786868686868672,90.43045454545457,85.77777777777777,5.050505050505051,22.626262626262626,6.574015621080383,0.6831111111111117,359,13,70,4,11,115,60,90,0.238,0.632,0.13,-0.917,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,2,17,18,6,3,1,5,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,3,12,4,6,12,0,6,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,47,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378206420716896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904463505955484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390968647375591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854677609744516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663673236231458,0.0,0.11250367475079827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928979065463004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382363256408057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201946755788364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918332023530933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23910408718804044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758982909382044,0.22140029294639946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124307277680206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241525502299394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23554159179474854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305903732302555,0.13797800366146504,0.0,0.17095197464548972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619836236461084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776739659902298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kamikazeqh,2019/02/10,"Therapy sucks I’m religious, I pray and either get no answer or just hear what a piece of shit I am. My therapist only seems concerned about me not using drugs. I can’t talk to family because they get sad. I want to die and I don’t care if I kill myself or if someone else does it for me. Last year about a week after my birthday I woke up 3 times during the night hanging from a rope by my neck. I was not touching anything and there is no reason I didn’t die. 2 months later I fell and got impaled by rebar, barely missing my lung which would have definitely killed me. So clearly I am not able to die by my own actions. I want someone to kill me.     My family and girlfriend don’t want me to die. The also don’t want me to cut or use drugs. I really want to do all of those. I need someone to fix this.",0.8832442196531787,2.5690861213872864,3.223406791907518,91.21060151734108,80.84971098265895,5.9434971098265885,21.217124277456648,6.9077264865688965,0.41903497109826615,621,18,140,7,16,214,104,173,0.248,0.659,0.093,-0.9876,0,0,2,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,0,6,9,6,0,5,0,12,5,3,3,2,29,30,12,7,9,10,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,10,8,0,0,4,2,28,1,19,25,4,12,1,2,0,0,4,1,2,6,8,92,33,0,0.1151748334745683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210527271809106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947790744177604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020950947194185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742841872759135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781331735419026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079027292310104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671324824818549,0.0,0.09621379445616632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715316540428245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203481936490306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211583575088407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298104079777677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822716660050665,0.0,0.0,0.09388286146202293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193145324739413,0.0,0.0,0.08540067964637653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808377905869083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875956508341758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378394754397126,0.11841891115328357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485084273102066,0.0,0.0,0.11822531145481405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927617879396206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257316840170624,0.0,0.0,0.1317124596644367,0.13372685876348833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715937161049658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989481531900826,0.0,0.0,0.3396655043016952,0.0,0.09238630417443924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181689717292548,0.0,0.0,0.07416881660237648
suicidewatch,Dunkann,2019/02/10,"I don't know if this is a troll but just in case if anyone can help this person please do. I've highlighted the comment on this youtube video but if it doesn't show up it's by the user dr 7695.

It reads:

"" one of my last song request before my suside (one like = another day to live)  Edit: thanks i came back to this song and i see i have more days thank you all so much i lost the last thing in my family and it was my brother and im all alone in a addoped family now but the pain still hurts. but thanks ""

I don't know if anyone know how to contact him or if anyone can be informed and help this guy or even if this is a troll but I couldn't just pass this comment off without making and effort to help him.

Thank you for reading and please help this person as much as you can.",1.4034873949579847,2.687948558823532,2.8892436974789923,95.97588235294121,78.11764705882355,5.798319327731093,19.789915966386555,6.18269132825596,-0.20594957983193266,605,13,146,4,14,198,93,170,0.078,0.74,0.183,0.962,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,2,8,7,0,0,7,0,13,2,0,2,2,32,23,23,0,7,16,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,13,7,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,3,0,2,3,3,16,4,16,18,5,15,0,2,1,0,18,6,0,8,8,99,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300286580362264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346580234204907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26937966156073445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874592107883336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927470868994084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687658472193155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656386532680399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481922647074362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421231181151567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271545324584136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443049289632713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747469002964394,0.0,0.13871404675862894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172639333977072,0.2093564799061409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273880601477567,0.0,0.1133959127876706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018399298625206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572036449556514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880478792266256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403943587559875,0.0,0.1366463677631691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242602102903339,0.0,0.2819299603379176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690655936338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233294025716444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025552021894698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35469158048651195,0.0,0.0,0.08531556365708258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379087817747075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EattingMikeTysonsAss,2019/02/10,Suicide is technically self defense I believe suicide is self defence because you are killing the person that's trying to kill you. ,6.641304347826086,9.491769869565221,6.338478260869567,70.10163043478265,67.69565217391305,6.339130434782609,46.28260869565217,7.1686216300943375,4.409973913043479,109,8,14,1,2,34,19,23,0.503,0.417,0.081,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828635414197788,0.0,0.0,0.2740657571740181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382525536309269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240140453415865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075372795853017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.532164282372988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515458267698555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,temple_00,2019/02/10,"I want to commit suicide but I don't want to die For the past few weeks, I've had the thought of committing suicide but in reality, I truly know that I don't want to die. Although I feel at the brink of hopelessness, I know there is still a part of me that wants to have a future. I've had many cries for help like talking to friends, 3 different therapists, and calling the suicide hotline, telling them all that I just don't feel alive anymore and I don't look forward to a future. The suicide hotline told me to call back at another time because I told them that I wasn't in immediate danger when I said I didn't have a straight plan set out yet but I had intentions to commit suicide, which I understand because there are others in more desperate help than me. I'm in my first year of college so many of my friends simply think that school is taking a toll on me but I know its not academic, my grades are decent and i've never aligned my self worth with my grades. I feel like nobody will ever truly see that I'm afraid of what I'll do to myself. In all honesty, I want to attempt suicide but I don't want to die.Everything seems to be risky though. I was thinking of taking pills but it seems that I will just end up in great pain and might not even land myself in the ER. I know this sounds like I am just seeking attention, and i guess I am but I'm scared that if I don't do this soon i'll want to seriously commit suicide. I know i should just talk to someone but i've already tried that and people don't think I'm in danger. ",4.303854489164088,4.412056560371519,5.21190557275542,86.46070665634676,70.08359133126936,8.19374613003096,29.462693498452012,7.908726449838941,1.6976948606811133,1211,43,266,14,20,397,147,323,0.187,0.606,0.207,-0.4937,1,0,0,0,0,15,21.0,0,0,2,3,15,13,2,2,11,0,28,2,0,1,8,58,62,19,9,9,15,0,3,3,2,4,2,2,0,1,16,8,0,0,16,0,1,1,12,7,1,1,10,7,40,6,38,47,5,33,0,1,2,0,15,17,0,5,19,173,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770503692224202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333874581496936,0.0,0.0,0.07881999963476959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111304033742165,0.0,0.09689709417242423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231015978195698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730194277072291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745427378055934,0.08303673011245574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039318535707145,0.0,0.0,0.05249392331413046,0.07189165328961107,0.0,0.0,0.07142895853077587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055814033538274,0.05677850839555298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760324290058269,0.0,0.0,0.1228077336846353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762386400302956,0.08755306658651896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654374774279078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183928793430064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648559679670235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674080862831977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115475832499682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431272106372265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612976955638365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456931581412687,0.0,0.0,0.08606603355308763,0.07586995482385421,0.05509946476925913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560099177767664,0.0,0.07957051525179512,0.08043514233551369,0.06333301707510831,0.14470606700686234,0.08291202494753208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734075091686703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347057316133496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6085458944935547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119513886340702,0.12776148251035094,0.06946655245198834,0.0,0.0,0.09227912375720676,0.0,0.15277729026624848,0.07808591911547233,0.06309599781349434,0.04634377881605741,0.0,0.0,0.15188768977372774,0.0,0.0539597835662515,0.0,0.0,0.08273854018683444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281438714426405,0.0,0.06375179433072656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051180693762358564
suicidewatch,Valkallison,2019/02/10,"I’m seriously done.  I’ve tried calling lifeline (131114) and they end up calling the cops every time.  Then the cops just said “if you’ve wanted to die, you would’ve done it long ago, kill yourself and stop wasting our precious time.”  Then at the hospital, they wouldn’t even help me when I’m literally in a crisis, all they do is kick me out, and the psych team would say, “stop playing this game, stop abusing the system.”  Then the day before yesterday, the cops came to my front door and asked to search the house, because they got a call from someone saying I threatened to stab my mom with a knife.   Everyone’s blaming me, I hate it. I really do.  I’m so done. ",5.196136363636363,5.34635528030303,5.505606060606059,84.9784090909091,68.16666666666667,8.41818181818182,29.37878787878788,8.07648339933343,1.758269696969697,515,17,108,6,8,164,86,132,0.268,0.677,0.054000000000000006,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,4,1,4,5,2,0,11,0,8,0,0,0,1,16,17,10,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,7,0,3,0,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,3,14,2,10,9,1,21,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,1,14,59,17,2,0.0,0.16684834264533402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482818629386852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164743008421992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584239501989899,0.0,0.11982721090346307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313780398910311,0.16106024628437549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081707046793573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614863806912282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323223991410815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247244755013589,0.0,0.0,0.09301009776943928,0.0,0.11864668864034285,0.1345592783310398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262639519331225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390303207168619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438849078757977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248705148076492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557961573625857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462102194960745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164926355550815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021271931444398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339518022806171,0.22397098882235045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931609282020016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531947773118784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422622378184762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560734706532896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830591200941284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006857929202604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway45234562,2019/02/10,"I've been thinking since an earlier post I made an earlier post to r/TrueOffMyChest. It's really long and probably not worth the read, but ever since I wrote it I've been thinking quite a bit.

​

I've been pretty bad recently. I've been struggling with issues for a while, but ever since the start of 2019 it's been nearly impossible to keep up my act. Nobody in my family knows anything about these things and I never told my therapist, and I don't even have one anymore because of a series of events in which I talk about in a different paragraph. I have hidden my problems from my family because I'm not even sure if they're legitimate and because I don't want to be like my middle sister. My parents hate me, mostly ignore my middle sister, and adore my oldest sister, but they still do have to interact with my middle sister. She has clinical depression and she's a sociopath or something like that, and she often gets yelled at for her problems, and I'm certain I'd be laughed off or yelled at. Because of this, everybody just sees a mildly moody teenage boy who's relatively introverted but still social enough, and with good grades and a relatively neat room.

I talked about this more in detail earlier but I had an incident with my mom in which she slapped me over a false accusation, then tried to punch me as I forced her out of my room. I told this to my therapist and he, of course, told CPS. I should've realized he would and not have said anything. I'd take that and not realizing the incident wasn't my fault like my family said it was over having a CPS investigation done on our family.

It was hard enough writing it once I'll just copy this piece from the first post. ""But really, all of this aside, what I REALLY want to get off my chest is that I recently nearly killed myself. I nearly hung myself but panicked. I just don't like this, I'm scared. I am an awful friend and can hardly support my depressed friend, my family is shitty, I'm bad at everything, and I have no future. I'm scared because I've got no future and I've started thinking when I finally decide it's time."" I'm really starting to think about it. What's the point of seeing myself become a legal adult if that legal adult is going to be a shitty failure who works at McDonald's on the weekends and doesn't go to college? What is the point of even continuing for another year? I don't know what's holding me back, but that'll surely disappear soon enough. Whenever I think these things I freak out more because I'm scared of what I'll do to myself. I know how I'd do it, I've already tried it once before. I think largely what's holding me back is that I'm a coward, but I know I've been getting closer to actually doing it every week. Last week I made another noose, and this one I nearly hung it up. I have a good education, reasonably good friends, good housing, never had any money issues, and never got abused by my admittedly not great parents. I seriously should be fine and I don't want to throw this in the trash but I'm getting hesitant.",5.978522167487682,5.854047837438426,6.8905812807881786,76.65183251231528,66.52052545155992,10.112709359605912,30.70049261083744,9.819183407551806,2.760831724137931,2419,81,470,48,35,810,248,609,0.18,0.698,0.123,-0.9906,3,0,1,0,2,0,63.0,1,0,1,3,20,37,2,4,25,1,44,2,1,4,9,90,92,39,1,9,22,7,2,4,3,3,1,4,2,3,40,26,0,4,15,2,2,5,17,17,0,3,22,8,66,20,62,63,9,72,0,2,2,0,37,32,0,6,36,309,106,6,0.0,0.0727693394579849,0.059934328051838015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777540787582563,0.0,0.0,0.06654551097257283,0.07462862093246725,0.0417658023569195,0.1288025793655846,0.0,0.0,0.060909359501839365,0.0,0.0,0.10108224568765166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445207209872647,0.10256159387012223,0.22463613185662604,0.06783047253641722,0.05226151394906592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705167592035838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057970894164524,0.0,0.0,0.06416790243228683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285111960478837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190381157594366,0.0,0.1216964448725491,0.1111107479241062,0.0517466402383614,0.0,0.0551978195147542,0.0,0.2894933527269934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727954098815858,0.0,0.05224143928446997,0.0,0.0,0.14235233002913975,0.0,0.1283518092282278,0.0,0.06980962069347675,0.2060553351016634,0.09824189145435898,0.06771268026175511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003549598000836,0.06063677015182364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086720322937241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820720105406416,0.0,0.054590429664605,0.0679490325263035,0.0,0.13501314856314273,0.05006321556979501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002136724948392,0.0,0.0,0.054352289666603874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622888004678765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193108281666949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210619359423454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081462796888704,0.08323576896011849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639306561509076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611821234134835,0.0,0.17646210210016752,0.06248337268797684,0.06621812979009954,0.11753593241566465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653247526170552,0.061433820765754925,0.0,0.15738172501180114,0.06314711103054077,0.12128415193566375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684364395380703,0.0,0.1844679957501633,0.0,0.09788311401265792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241482851387875,0.0,0.0,0.06260710135644214,0.0,0.047281961440144085,0.0,0.0,0.13041423166520305,0.0,0.09809571114908187,0.0,0.0,0.0642065929609919,0.0,0.0,0.0696955111861281,0.11576996906685258,0.0,0.04617809123521361,0.09872963847716308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262020678728876,0.08160571780224722,0.2361219725872432,0.0,0.0,0.03581286345674848,0.0,0.0,0.17606030087287905,0.0,0.08339649508012495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867636818051772,0.0,0.09853034706345316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044712453365859946,0.0,0.0,0.043629017017944464,0.0,0.07462862093246725,0.0395506634149981
suicidewatch,psychoticbitch2,2019/02/10,I’m gonna Kms because of my brother Why don’t my brother care about what mom and I think?  He just goes overseas and starts taking estrogens and be a fucking tranny.  If killing him is illegal then I’ll fucking kill myself and make him feel guilty. ,1.38826666666667,3.9329323600000015,2.5280000000000022,91.78066666666668,85.4,4.933333333333334,26.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.0763333333333334,198,9,39,2,6,63,41,50,0.276,0.669,0.055,-0.9307,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,9,13,6,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,2,11,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,1,2,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239956604012076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27162024611152696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470365883370988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925789629549456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5894809514701271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782910422432566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120132955729191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856463074606694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030531816527775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070319704926182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403913713034993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nitroix,2019/02/10,"Darwinism I dont blame anyone for the way I am feeling. I do not wish to couse those around me pain by leaving this world. How ever, maybe im not cut out for this world. I fail in social settings. People seem to be ok with me, but I am the one in the group that is always easy to forget. I understand that this is probably because of how I act, and I dont blame them for forgetting me, I just cant seem to figure out how to become apart of a group. Again i dont want to couse them pain by leaving, but the pain of my depression is not just pshycological. It has morphed into a physical pain in my stomach. I understand that I should keep living in order to not couse those around me suffering, but how much suffering should I endure to keep them from feeling the pain I am feeling. I sometimes feel like I would take the pain with me, if i went. Maybe the few around me would get a horible feeling when I left, but the people after me will not know the pain I have lived trough.",5.477174205105238,4.667109211822663,6.197420510523957,83.49969547693688,67.7192118226601,9.352261531571877,29.29198387819077,8.575989854853784,1.87931921182266,762,22,167,10,11,251,97,203,0.224,0.6829999999999999,0.093,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,1,12,14,1,0,12,1,19,8,1,4,1,47,36,11,0,7,12,0,5,1,0,5,7,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,11,0,0,2,9,12,0,1,1,5,31,2,30,29,2,23,0,4,0,0,6,14,0,3,5,124,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748237484051368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287676402779949,0.0,0.0,0.2401535584241295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481667219566628,0.09931369670162662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745117833713537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161698314672343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134116354342906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273407032387058,0.06424153188617843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04698143834230818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713306121386987,0.0,0.0,0.1598566889420177,0.0,0.0,0.049419731227482964,0.0,0.0,0.19043249579343494,0.09770239759330376,0.0,0.0,0.04393219308007265,0.0,0.15880860512091266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068095010511806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610428954853803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093464783688285,0.0,0.6697963342805476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124683586198716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695299195493784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372637606085674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166592009429793,0.0,0.0,0.08893686998421124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761145508358099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722755203779476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303934679367794,0.07137727260948909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336020018294894,0.0,0.0,0.10340785357077954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775847790781458,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lekbekbone,2019/02/10,"After a breakup my ex overdosed, what do I do?? I called my doctor and he said she had to go wake up her parents, I think she is doing it now. God I feel guilty this is my fault",0.8974166666666648,1.5306545750000031,2.8850000000000016,98.1266666666667,78.25,5.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.5341666666666667,133,3,35,0,3,45,32,40,0.147,0.8009999999999999,0.053,-0.5803,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,3,10,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,10,0,3,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,25,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44704335215204266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481074557877696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213651330972199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488121648172013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861257457729811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4164486170885845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805249409118079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,midaph,2019/02/10,"It’s been a long eight years. Hi, I’m Michaela. I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Currently taking meds for all three and they’ve been helping a ton. 

While I’ve had really good days, I’ve also had really bad days. I’m currently 17 days clean from self-harming. I have 200 cuts on my body that are slowly healing. 

But I haven’t been feeling great lately. 

I started writing a suicide note on February 8th. Just to see what I would say to the people I love. It’s over 12 pages long so far. 

I can’t get the thought out of my head anymore now that I started writing the note, telling them how I have been feeling. It’s been really hard to write and I’ve cried a lot. I mean, A LOT. 

I had the thought of where and how I was going to do it. I keep thinking about it. I don’t the when. 

I want to finish the note, and give myself time to process what I’m feeling. Maybe once the note is finished, I’ll feel better. Writing has always been my favorite thing to do. The best way for me to get my feelings out. 

Hope everyone is having a good day. If you made it this far reading, thank you. I really appreciate it. ",0.21633660331085025,2.4722744334764,2.1901210913549995,94.18188304721029,87.92703862660944,5.388657265481299,21.626149601471486,6.868970318607317,0.5439394236664628,865,31,192,12,28,287,129,233,0.085,0.73,0.185,0.967,2,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,2,1,2,9,11,1,0,14,0,24,5,2,3,1,33,50,13,1,4,3,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,13,7,0,1,9,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,13,8,25,8,19,36,6,28,0,1,1,1,13,8,0,4,18,118,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529249821393801,0.09915096668641407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091157350557545,0.0,0.11817505947928975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949392470238044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505144801229473,0.10538765647494272,0.0,0.13236029908738015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089206200702222,0.30739430166777754,0.0,0.1026326449397932,0.12094525883723453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386283212607537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012552962628558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451274166954772,0.11430947696912308,0.06772157961560195,0.19989211576694305,0.0,0.13137471946644574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674427861844413,0.0,0.12229290888722236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798706786665386,0.0,0.0,0.1183531260993298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591520458230827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441807827723146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090634072395825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261175663451764,0.10754687878107316,0.11275241543399896,0.0,0.0,0.11971259958631213,0.12980056696729422,0.13236029908738015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690189625551349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261079112606191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392920861521451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919260820356968,0.0,0.30534871596640545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476110238437442,0.0,0.0,0.09495538054471443,0.0,0.12431024518047247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868463467715866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034209520949666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959376232148103,0.0,0.10415140834653876,0.10970685136986792,0.0,0.0,0.07916484949114819,0.07635314830397574,0.0,0.18920003372407088,0.06948336517965073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028386867942706,0.09458394867296824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464810208622918,0.0,0.0,0.07673536612007265
suicidewatch,Pixlloow,2019/02/10,"Are there any free, legit services like suicide hotline but texting/chatting I don't want to talk via voice for multiple reasons, but I need to talk to someone.",3.823,6.523827300000002,4.043333333333333,83.885,76.0,5.333333333333334,36.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,2.611666666666668,129,8,21,1,3,40,25,30,0.136,0.7340000000000001,0.13,-0.0472,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542387926948532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264995394036165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772137312813082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843921190206161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167718256551868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40894404601981255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6009917845017695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051333133392764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,transductio,2019/02/10,"My plan Hi world.
I will soon kill myself If my situation does not improve. 

I suffer from a rare cancer disorder Cowden Syndrome. I lost my mother and sister to cancer. And I cannot get the pain they went through out my head. I feel guilty I could not help. And I know this is what destiny has planned for me. The same suffering.
I saw my mother beaten by my dad my whole childhood, and have struggled with this since. The screams, the begging. Feeling so helpless. And to feel the helpless feeling again with this cancer syndrome, and see them being ripped from me, now I face the same.
I have struggled my whole life, and pretty much don't really get why we are all here. I am pretty certain I am here to suffer. Everything has always gone the perfect wrong. Like a million out of one chance, and I will always have that 1. I have had cancer already and multiple masses and lesions popping up. I have no one to help me a part from my 2 friends. And even them I am a burden on. Life is hard for everyone. They have to work.
So my plan is, if things do not look up from March. I will take all my drugs, which will stop my heart instantly. Either that or set myself on fire. I hate myself and my life, and I hate what life has put me and my mum through. If someone could guarantee I would see my mum again, I would kill myself right now.
I am sick of being unwell, sick of having no support with my rare illness. 

There is obviously a part of me that wants to live, that is innate, and what has pushed us forward as a species. But a big part of me wants to say fuck you body, and fuck you life for fucking with me and everything I love every single day of my life. I hate that all everyone cares about is money. And no one will help anyone unless they have something to gain.
I hate the world for existing, because it is pointless and only pain.",2.5420337837837828,4.349234159459464,3.493969594594596,90.60663006756758,76.32432432432431,6.030405405405406,23.45439189189189,6.770275591412753,0.6468175675675671,1429,44,298,13,32,457,173,370,0.258,0.631,0.111,-0.9965,0,0,2,0,0,2,47.0,2,2,5,8,13,30,10,2,15,0,39,24,4,0,6,56,66,28,2,9,10,6,6,1,1,7,16,2,0,0,14,26,0,1,5,0,1,5,8,23,0,4,5,12,62,7,38,50,13,26,0,6,4,4,22,12,3,4,11,226,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378143521160252,0.0,0.14142620458089994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942245799176015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051805169225230936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439754024952887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664636955575493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357048621550432,0.0,0.0,0.054807344355204936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739848448415754,0.0,0.07436965710642285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855391074950476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613081803558871,0.0,0.07160228674422976,0.16241080373278408,0.15275542846245369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188089873132092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565806209191974,0.2356977037090617,0.08880077050574581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612854765944113,0.3356145545801961,0.08721761637371679,0.0,0.0,0.10070588858649496,0.17088800016697658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804336237213615,0.0,0.0467047238870438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601582699739113,0.04151865857206512,0.0,0.07504201124564233,0.0,0.07136475896927008,0.0,0.0927695586156714,0.0,0.07670095102871756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247267062020625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727611117071314,0.06463380173126296,0.18085692886586724,0.0,0.0,0.27608663422835594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729175980254042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543191716780804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444262347607702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725754676523099,0.0,0.06758231160019786,0.0,0.0,0.13544173621066768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029925166834321,0.09552504493450598,0.0,0.0,0.07200626658204237,0.06542447094675409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710500338201893,0.0,0.1776864684890145,0.0,0.0,0.09643829925474676,0.0,0.0,0.06389703591758579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564592790868139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222471914574273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002509720558858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878058087349947,0.07668441470826633,0.1897621457513097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186901975071463,0.0,0.0,0.12073971846279855,0.09291614575552062,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotActionJackson,2019/02/10,"I Think I Know Why People Kill Themselves. I feel it, because after awhile it isn't cute anymore, nobody cares to answer your texts messages anymore or even your calls. Because you're always feeling sad or always having a crisis. But it's not as though you can help it, you can't help but be annoying.

It's take me an ungodly amount of effort to stay alive today, I was going to tell people goodbye, but nobody answers, anyway. So, what's the point.

I'm just tired and alone and tired of feeling tired and alone. 

I think it's feeling alone, and feeling empty and ignored that makes people finally do it. 

I know that I've never wanted to just die this much in my entire life.",4.748996683250411,5.59975617164179,5.3629353233830885,83.1317330016584,69.3731343283582,6.851077943615258,26.82918739635157,6.42735559955562,1.1803923714759534,533,16,99,3,9,172,85,134,0.275,0.624,0.101,-0.9829,0,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,1,6,6,2,0,3,0,7,4,0,1,1,28,22,13,2,1,8,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,11,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,5,12,2,9,20,2,8,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,2,4,61,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014422907843019,0.0,0.0,0.2150124912263854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626693101066844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575204330276668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319294808167723,0.0,0.1317298433420658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409106741322524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853365686802627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266415543354197,0.0,0.0,0.14153425376539389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342835894373463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320248273875574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429426460323724,0.0,0.14201185791207993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125905048544077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624320306193915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497818727032464,0.0,0.09964839122659157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26871677497166035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213746029567035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771192522861778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714367231543024,0.0,0.11292806576536543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655745897237427,0.12694010999488808,0.0,0.0,0.44549537942730205,0.12246819680679832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620656763532296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116584526138718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smilingontheoutside5,2019/02/10,"Another failed attempt. The doctor told me i was very lucky to still be alive

i don’t feel all too lucky rn 

",-1.1484782608695632,0.7834662173913074,0.5046739130434794,101.68570652173914,104.2173913043478,4.039130434782609,14.445652173913045,5.985473137389443,-0.7879478260869566,85,2,20,1,4,27,21,23,0.117,0.57,0.313,0.669,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870852609418773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754515486500127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348731180184527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709628743280929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438647011292456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832741379919377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,707_Person,2019/02/10,"I know people care but i don’t want them too I absolutely hate myself and i can’t change no matter what i do i’m stuck with how i am and i hate it. other people can walk away from me if i’m annoying but i can’t, i don’t want to deal with myself. i can’t handle this. i’m not cut out for life i want to slit my wrists and die.  ",-3.2332700421940928,-1.6879509620253152,0.569905063291138,102.70228375527428,102.92405063291142,3.6459915611814337,9.114978902953585,5.46131890053228,-1.8535071729957804,250,2,70,2,12,91,46,79,0.303,0.578,0.118,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,8,2,1,1,0,16,19,7,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,1,0,16,1,8,18,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,46,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311531690745644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638249960466841,0.0,0.27373577276938765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667721500496723,0.0,0.0,0.26855399226678395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510947596473469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220876948493455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827711779101246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587858316483048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457873407309371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reday_NBG,2019/02/10,"Abandoned I always tried my best but it was never good enough. Not for Family, not for friends, not in love or anything else.

I never wanted to be things the way they are. Don’t you see.

I tried getting help, but never gotten any. It’s been months since I’ve been trying. Never gotten any reply.

I’ve tried helping myself, but it just made me more lonely and cut open some deep old wounds.

All I ever wanted is that things would be okey.
But it will never ever be.

I am so sorry.
My heart hurts.",0.6390264026402654,2.980736326732675,2.1796287128712883,94.42673679867987,86.72277227722772,3.7627062706270618,13.367161716171616,4.7782277997778095,-1.1917927392739278,383,5,79,1,12,124,70,101,0.224,0.6990000000000001,0.077,-0.952,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,4,8,1,0,1,1,12,3,1,1,8,25,20,7,0,3,9,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,6,1,11,4,4,9,5,13,0,3,1,1,6,3,0,2,9,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920107747465335,0.0,0.0,0.1948389811279008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788808456016225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503391024918129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967261767832972,0.0,0.0,0.14802249958248895,0.0,0.0,0.2591678322481126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504969785234508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067979614453316,0.0,0.07484573001327559,0.0,0.0,0.12015695042826367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975991773413968,0.19204393610794235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533592950179837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929479417265674,0.135552984068324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434615711056748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524421179009096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032384235360688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415706826887273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850344947544528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603641834014853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034681502014336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890476709196399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689930649324211,0.11371052618461246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176547251198458,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pigeonparties,2019/02/10,"the cold calls me. I'm really tired... I've been optimistic my whole life, but nothing's ever gotten better. I just make things worse.

 I'm going to college again now at age 22 and have good grades and everything, I should be feeling hopeful. But I can't have friends, I don't have the mental strenght to be a good friend right now and nobody deserves to deal with that, not to mention I can't stomach the thought of anyone meeting and getting attached to me right now as I am. The only person who loved me is probably going to kill themselves because of me and I keep talking them out of it, every day. They keep making these awful jokes and casual comments and it feelins like being punched every time. I know if I died there'd be nothing keeping them from killing themselves, so I'm trying to stay strong, but even if I lived there's no guarantee I can keep them alive. I'm just so tired. I'll never be anyone I would want to be, and I'll never be valuable, so why am I putting myself through this? If I walked outside in the snow right now, would I be able to die in peace or would someone find me and haul me off to a hospital and rack up debt I or anyone else in my family could pay?

I want to live for the person I owe so much to, but they make me feel awful anyway, I just can't love them back. Maybe I should just stop wasting everyones time and disappear.

​",4.083989511144408,4.818272907473311,4.7914178685147055,87.05215396141601,70.81494661921708,7.339277018168197,27.9567334706874,7.273561745256523,1.387515302491103,1081,37,224,10,19,348,156,281,0.204,0.632,0.165,-0.9589,2,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,6,2,18,15,2,0,8,2,26,6,1,3,3,52,51,25,4,12,14,0,2,1,2,5,3,0,0,2,7,13,0,5,5,2,3,5,8,2,0,0,3,3,36,13,27,34,2,30,0,0,0,2,19,10,0,6,15,148,43,3,0.0964142932890879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044648464972605,0.11715391941652732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022453468351245,0.098787837188722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413664024015353,0.0,0.05877325830391152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527060738976043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844977321238324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697896788888932,0.0,0.0,0.06217924301598547,0.09939890284363803,0.0,0.0,0.20012562916051635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054177043113463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368073141258625,0.08721224810244171,0.16246640082085725,0.09212798898149184,0.08665094997871271,0.0,0.09089081506058926,0.0,0.09749992722467887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812091737403074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897888765830808,0.0,0.05037248889034296,0.0,0.10958892948889884,0.16173546973144987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957611478092434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427898153781039,0.21333626111679446,0.0,0.05298677414008302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810026665948098,0.047103153626982766,0.0,0.1702711747320041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403532791746762,0.0,0.1930718683191696,0.0,0.09686111657069717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971629307516058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087559913824791,0.0,0.1487212934743783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502422943749885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733274146408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683704840547535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103950915137003,0.0,0.0,0.09692299456202713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617654651100661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470118390103977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169151782763666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276480831625083,0.0,0.08060666633595036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749415683724899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405337233809895,0.0,0.0,0.07654217929046819,0.11243989952015046,0.22162809404060896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545897634286331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373529638021415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699890340939459,0.10764311530435418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982544017650946,0.20546984307406185,0.0,0.11715391941652732,0.0
suicidewatch,etjelta,2019/02/10,I’m so depressed and feeling suicidal It makes me feel so stupid and needy to come onto a website and ask random strangers for validation but please someone help me feel better. I have no friends and no one really cares about me. I’ve tried to reach out to people to talk to them and they literally just don’t respond. How am I supposed to feel like my life is worth living if no one makes it seem like it is?,2.793214285714285,4.483012845238097,3.84,88.905,75.30952380952381,6.704761904761906,25.095238095238088,7.447530270364453,1.065209523809524,325,11,69,4,7,105,59,84,0.16399999999999998,0.5579999999999999,0.277,0.924,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,5,7,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,3,0,19,16,10,1,1,3,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,4,8,5,10,16,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,2,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103406832010745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018606395756346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924837136389572,0.0,0.0,0.18523856091175492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521427866928966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43492424793580814,0.15362515128067175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661399462478324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441372785893573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518896377883953,0.2101160918757577,0.0,0.1898849176697613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28708273437227605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29143434838264265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908217651107664,0.0,0.0,0.2360501626176126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776060775664528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957650179913972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822033255063107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352196726356669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284160532854734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599855029102793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helloiammeaningless,2019/02/10,Just snorted my adhd meds... I’m so depressed all the time and I’m just looking for a solution out of this and idk what to do anymore. I’ve tried therapy and oral medicine but none of that worked. Maybe snorting medicine will be better. I’m really scared tho am I gonna get messed up from snorting it,0.5253225806451631,2.952523387096776,1.89701612903226,95.26552419354843,89.32258064516128,5.035483870967743,23.87903225806452,6.6274283507984215,0.7591870967741943,238,10,51,3,8,76,50,62,0.171,0.746,0.084,-0.6918,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,10,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,1,7,7,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35871342291353003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960106904768759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639801756677321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25707928752445786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594281397942064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506469542831498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29986199641842565,0.0,0.3315425750341809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121311351081532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988292726519437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413364334511329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404534420471227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264746086579424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729606585903488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amirasadly,2019/02/10,"help me please (16F) I want to die, I have caring friends. Caring parents. Good Education. I should be grateful. But this world isnt made for me. I want to end it all. I feel good when I think about ending it all. I really want to. Im scared.",-2.0717647058823516,-0.6192337647058785,0.5127254901960789,100.47026470588236,112.13725490196077,3.608627450980392,12.94313725490196,5.6839178017228535,-1.0673780392156864,182,4,44,2,10,61,35,51,0.108,0.46,0.4320000000000001,0.9468,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,12,2,1,4,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,9,5,5,9,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,25,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353059323334105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155434044783573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781526707670903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793985838090532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493099526655094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581070098186301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308843447735847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230590666831013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199611268297304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370397877022601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343324957820732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675816478196845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372667470685147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678677382780954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777409522337532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maxaxe98,2019/02/10,"Feeling depressed for V day. I'm a 20 year old straight male, and never had a gf. I've been thinking about suicide this Valentine's day. I don't wanna get told "" you should enjoy being single"" well, I'm not single by choice. I've been craving romantic love since like 12, and never got that need satisfied. Anyone else very depressed?",3.116512820512824,5.349303446153846,3.884230769230772,86.50993589743591,76.07692307692308,5.564102564102565,26.21794871794872,6.42735559955562,1.1123333333333334,264,10,48,2,6,84,52,65,0.146,0.579,0.275,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,10,15,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,5,1,2,4,4,8,2,7,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,7,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377567710785926,0.2399913547399456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021117010508712,0.0,0.4034755722911471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566506514354995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843127801753378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237297823740988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733125644639964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443058146791707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139735066642404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367498746683893,0.3612977641307021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457799033510515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375347185663733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562043075530662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008202422459907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381217682594606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326028613409726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059654716027928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150833322956986
suicidewatch,AmishCrossing,2019/02/10,"I wanna fucking die I just don’t want to go through it anymore. A girl I was in a relationship with fucking dumped me at a formal I took her to. I’m pretty much too socially awkward to talk to anyone about my problems. My parents think I’m messing around. My friends just say “lol same” even whenever I cry for help, no one helps. I just want to die.",0.17514459665144244,2.459935068493152,2.2829223744292237,93.14194824961949,88.72602739726028,4.888280060882801,24.549467275494674,6.42735559955562,0.7655613394216129,272,12,59,3,9,91,52,73,0.247,0.5529999999999999,0.2,-0.7166,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,2,1,11,1,13,9,2,5,0,0,0,2,10,3,2,0,0,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818053698067328,0.13972780782850314,0.0,0.0,0.17789364523690562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195070537671724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147899947833433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319877437049302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543904004045717,0.3694845861592823,0.0,0.0,0.1135696404345916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678875569327627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690017225749882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354119426261361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22189078333045528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330189732651574,0.0,0.1912130942696674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454574585017436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891514028564593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037044727953256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606181129578374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804485140706648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220217012136572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357332401158474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adesyndicate,2019/02/10,"Girlfriend Ran Away From Home, Saying Suicidal Things. Please Advise! # The Short of It

1. Girlfriend is ridden with guilt when I take care of her during her suicidal/self-harm episodes
2. I hurried over to take care of her during one of her episodes against her wishes
3. Thus, she ran away in her dad's car. I don't know where she is, though she could be in the hospital.
4. I feel like there is nothing I can do to save her because of conflicting outside forces (i.e. parents may be abusive, and police would arrest her for drug possession)

***What do I do?***

# The Long of It

My girlfriend Adrianna was cutting her legs last night for a third time in the last two weeks. She feels ""insurmountable guilt"" for me having to experience her depression despite me assuring her over and over that I do not at all see it as a burden.

>""I'm sorry for every ounce of effort and care I ever took from you; I am wildly and entirely undeserving of everything you ever gave to me, and for that I will never forgive myself. I know you won't protect yourself from me, so I should probably leave.""

Previously when Adrianna cut herself, she told me about it on Snapchat and I would drive over to her apartment as soon as possible to comfort her. However, her guilt has risen to the point where she refuses my help and told me not to come over. Then she started talking about things like ""I daydream about suicide daily"" and ""I'm going to do something stupid."" I secretly drove over despite that because I was worried for her safety. I hung out in my car and continued texting her from outside. (Basically, I was on stand-by in case she did something we'd all regret.) In the meantime, I was on the Suicide Prevention Hotline on hold.

When she did say ""I'm going to do something stupid"", I immediately got out of the car and asked to come inside. Then she got really angry and demanded I go back home or else she'll leave. Right as I was about to leave, she stormed out and took her **father's** car and drove off. I don't know where. The only clue I have is that she was considering going to the hospital to take care of the self-inflicted cuts on her leg.

After she left, I went over to a Walmart parking lot and finally I get a counselor on the Suicide Prevention Hotline. He asked for her phone number and they tried to call her. They said they would call me back if they got through, but they never called me back.

I've been trying to contact her by phone, SMS text, Snapchat, and the very few mutual friends we have on social media. So far, nothing.

I would contact her father, but she made it ***very, very*** ***clear*** to not get her parents involved. She never explained why, but I think she is afraid of them. Her father drinks alcohol *a lot* and her mother is a hyper-controlling sentinel. I would contact the police, but she smokes marijuana daily and even does shrooms on rare occasions and lives in Pennsylvania, a state where it's illegal to possess such things. Not only that, she abhors the police. If the police were to investigate her or her father (who also smokes pot), they would find pot, bongs, pipes, and so on.

I asked my friends what they think I should do and—given all this information—they said I've done everything I can. What do you guys think? I miss her and I don't know if she's okay or not.",2.165928906773974,4.716669680751174,3.2418173485356583,88.0793591549296,81.45696400625978,6.217938743572546,24.152045606975182,7.50117742383412,1.2622361099932933,2582,96,504,41,70,827,275,639,0.093,0.853,0.054000000000000006,-0.9522,3,0,8,0,0,3,119.0,2,4,8,1,25,26,5,4,23,1,51,5,2,2,10,88,101,45,4,14,15,8,2,2,5,12,2,4,2,1,19,28,2,6,13,1,0,19,12,13,0,3,27,7,110,13,85,58,6,84,0,3,1,0,106,40,0,9,26,357,129,1,0.0,0.0778408846478823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021072886689128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253832781494976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425509520029668,0.0,0.12345007062343505,0.1515521420921118,0.0,0.08009726512951695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012537116665592,0.0,0.2679322291041689,0.0,0.0,0.11318528897703775,0.0,0.0,0.07368541789541744,0.052454168599178966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658522596664925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749239151161039,0.0672314299894301,0.0,0.06435861318054333,0.07618833059432636,0.0,0.054881894643859966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339262935892068,0.11885443755187527,0.055353041318114735,0.0,0.11808949026240312,0.06426483573336242,0.0,0.0,0.06643733686365973,0.046934361442506095,0.0,0.07196848326822433,0.06004639427906495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015155685410916,0.0,0.06864854381597092,0.0,0.14934978583530534,0.0,0.15763305941585146,0.0,0.0,0.06505092922744286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044035700367139184,0.0,0.13180005082113086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442267858318164,0.1071045860054971,0.0,0.20869274110251806,0.07138060858461795,0.0,0.0,0.0641930342705828,0.0,0.05801216326948125,0.058140287403998875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170745954554198,0.0,0.06216463494009214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201006228323902,0.0,0.0,0.061652724627878325,0.0,0.12607719214755198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451837778425386,0.09993193403325906,0.0,0.0,0.14589876679374386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721162098686327,0.0621054446811348,0.0740641457311278,0.0,0.0,0.07083309867840283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04208754948710782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610537096377792,0.1249868787952632,0.10449069873263302,0.0,0.0,0.05235246220170794,0.0,0.1370737998155069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697040527128678,0.0,0.15173161116212472,0.0,0.0735430576253088,0.046501082457282766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874499401130113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818920303000865,0.052805223032601566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093965082065895,0.12628906190364778,0.06454753488421894,0.0,0.038308784908741206,0.0,0.0,0.1255536986080056,0.14598484859229227,0.08920868324382418,0.0,0.06417698554970723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262214189342833,0.0,0.0,0.052698632674207116,0.0,0.0,0.060902311175240725,0.059281843762401636,0.0,0.07554897015973737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671907749423721,0.0,0.28001803833509903,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TaylorSwiftIsGod_01,2019/02/10,"It seems that even fate wants me to kill myself I hate acting like a victim, but even when I try to do things that will make me feel better or at least give myself chance there is something comes in the way that is outside of my control. I signed up to this event I wanted to go to so I don't feel lonely and go talk to people. I signed up, and I sent the organizer an email how can I book tickets to this event. They replied back saying since I have signed they'll get in touch with me when tickets get released. The events is two days away so I sent them another email asking for tickets I hadn't heard from them at all after they told they'll get in touch with me. Apparently, turns out the tickets are sold out and they forgot to get in touch with me. This shit isn't my fault and I can't control it yet it is still make me feel shit. Even fate is tempting to kill myself. How the fuck am I to get better if shit like this keeps happening to me? What kind of shit have I done that is making me feel so miserable? Fuck this shit, I'm done. I have actually given up. Suicide is my only hope. I'm going to look for ways to muster the courage/will to go through with it.        ",2.1096370967741898,3.4595119798387093,3.1395483870967773,94.6393225806452,76.37903225806451,5.927741935483872,20.464516129032265,6.2581,-0.0961151612903226,913,20,213,6,20,292,120,248,0.209,0.7040000000000001,0.087,-0.9918,1,2,1,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,7,4,14,20,11,1,8,0,23,7,5,7,1,35,62,14,3,4,3,0,7,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,15,11,0,4,5,5,1,8,4,14,0,1,10,10,36,6,37,49,2,32,0,2,1,2,17,12,7,4,12,141,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.09861533368648844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059652269132932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447300491818844,0.0,0.09494472147280712,0.07770523930242454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875028949843608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870501384282239,0.0,0.0,0.2266840818593981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517226762029424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068291856725179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002380924198538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043862563078286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684787600802616,0.26398595153512416,0.09694139135499104,0.22972807948259885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936281212852992,0.0,0.0,0.09977112477211816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037065184351138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982253764165969,0.22360529379623145,0.10523347828874348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874096836940728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486094746828153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236546573608527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685706128081847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005897712978072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036318033329279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919968921788004,0.0,0.0,0.5186587416667369,0.08359393612547072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779725837150679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080702842616448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053802708892102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122437140490492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713660896334371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656260935305544,0.0,0.06860987232139247,0.10991907885524227,0.09871628241619827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920999378617672,0.16042588641505778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chrkace,2019/02/10,I need to talk My girlfriend just broke up with me and she just send a photo of her an her friend laughing and im in my bed trying to talk to my friends but no one is answering and i all really cut myself 5 times im thinking of killing myself but i dont want to hurt my friends and family,-0.9187307692307662,1.0919334923076924,1.7387500000000031,97.06812500000004,91.0,5.096153846153847,18.89423076923077,6.6274283507984215,0.006423076923076643,227,7,55,3,8,78,44,65,0.2,0.616,0.184,-0.2866,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,14,5,6,1,2,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,13,4,9,5,1,4,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605425571877085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957158364377235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5152623187814913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379846148086235,0.0,0.4802601697705854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595014392314604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648380823224477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064121293684418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241578017516793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573644522979559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244557276261616,0.0,0.0,0.12962920285991658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093209722818782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311226341336363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nellemae,2019/02/10,"This is it. My letter. This is it. It is finally time for me to throw in my hat. I have been trying to deal with the emotional pain that lingers inside me for my whole life, and I am exhausted. The amount of pain that fills my soul is unbearable....some of it justified, some of it not.
I didn’t have the courage to follow through so many times in the past for fear of hurting another person emotionally and therefor them feeling the kind of pain I am in. Now, it is time for me to be selfish and to those who are sad now, I am sorry. I have truly tried my best. Therapy, medication, exercise, meditation, hospitalization...whatever you all wanted me to do to try and get better I did....willingly and enthusiastically....desperately trying to escape this turmoil I live in.
Why would anyone want to feel like this? I don’t do it for attention. I enjoy positive attention, not this. This is my dirty little secret that I don’t share with too many people because it destroys the image I have created of myself to the public.
My career has given me such joy. I truly felt happy giving meaning to peoples’ lives in their final days/months/years. Just making someone smile made my heart so full. I have met a lot of great people through it as well and am so thankful for each and every one of them. You believed in me, supported me through my challenges, and laughed with me to get through tough times.
Don’t be afraid to tell others how I died. Make it clear, make it known. This is absolutely dreadful, and I want people to understand what was going on in my brain so you all don’t think I just “took the easy way out” and are angry with me. Look, even after death I’m worried about what people will think of me.
After someone commits suicide, people often say that they wished that person reached out more or wished they could have told them they weren’t alone and were loved. 
The truth is, that’s not the case. I have been battling this for so many years now that my friends and family are tired of hearing it. People don’t like to be supportive when they don’t feel like they are helping. They back away, create distance, try to keep the negativity away from their own lives. I know they mean well. I know they wouldn’t actually want me to die. But I also have learned that the average person is not capable of offering the amount of support and reassurance to someone who has frequent suicidal thoughts. 
I am a bright girl with a bright future, but I am also a girl who literally cannot make herself happy. Of course I want to be happy!!! I dreamt of it every day. Sometimes I even succeed for a little bit. The problem is that I look to other people for my happiness, always have. I can’t seem to produce my own and relying on other people to provide your happiness will always leave you disappointed. This is a totally unachievable way to make yourself happy and is extremely unfair to those other people.
I have tried countless activities and hobbies to help create my own happiness and I don’t know why it always falls short.
If my emotions were a roller coaster...when I would ride it, I would surely throw up.
I want to finally be at peace. I have no idea what there is to come after this life if anything at all...but one has to hope it is better than this.
I hope I was a positive light to some of you at some point. I don’t want you to be sad right now or feel guilty. Accept the fact that you did everything you could and that I can finally rest. Even while writing this the thought of finally resting feels so good.
It’s time. 
Thank you to all of you who are thinking right now that you loved me. Please tell everyone that you love that you love them every day. You have no idea what pain they are hiding inside. What I do know though is that it is human nature to feel wanted and loved. I feel neither of those most of the time. Yes humans need air, food, and water to live but what they really need is that true personal connection with someone. When your brain is as broken as mine you don’t ever feel that. 
This is not how I want my life to be, so I am taking control over myself and doing what I feel is the best for me.
I love you, even if you didn’t love me. It’s okay, I didn’t love me either.",3.610780298837852,5.1447300503597155,4.623832134292567,84.76500664084121,72.8369304556355,7.578350857775319,25.300793211584573,8.189365985712001,1.4753285961999631,3298,104,662,51,65,1075,318,834,0.096,0.6759999999999999,0.229,0.999,1,1,0,0,0,1,108.0,0,19,16,8,34,68,2,4,26,2,90,24,3,11,11,130,163,47,5,25,16,0,10,3,1,6,11,2,0,8,67,31,2,2,31,2,0,9,25,18,2,2,19,17,115,50,100,129,25,67,1,4,4,8,74,26,0,14,33,493,182,5,0.0,0.0,0.04201745735961762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459410532732331,0.0,0.06886539435712884,0.10748071280103776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451490578289402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030106481611242856,0.0,0.03543227300656327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090700780239887,0.03310820393700953,0.0,0.026247170301555225,0.0,0.0,0.048510536549328825,0.09037140849180796,0.0761609010105585,0.04700713306467374,0.0,0.0,0.0961317869042564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708982510960007,0.0,0.0,0.04829212855432609,0.06875508141372387,0.0,0.0,0.055536454086764254,0.044389914835657115,0.0,0.0,0.08937281379093417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530011495576825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137550682435117,0.03894755530635488,0.10883223289856232,0.04114284431591722,0.038696888798003766,0.0,0.04059034279512928,0.04845113753962698,0.1959383860360661,0.0615199121110683,0.04134150806012349,0.2358343987939234,0.0,0.0,0.05206474042210546,0.0,0.03326576021601678,0.0,0.0449910497587655,0.041304233584907736,0.02447030655154968,0.036114200066060254,0.0,0.04747053563598709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208451179917941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852841033547526,0.051022796520695975,0.05772044900737204,0.0,0.0,0.08553070656129799,0.0,0.0,0.046093448964286056,0.09721230839868382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038271073110085575,0.0,0.04483727856013275,0.09465208666113673,0.0,0.0,0.04559118556302698,0.0,0.0,0.09123737639404084,0.06310648060014677,0.08630892574294755,0.15208061113533144,0.0,0.0723141342923592,0.0,0.0,0.03660555338443693,0.3108852578304493,0.0407416097757706,0.14370453372996642,0.13095923328109255,0.0,0.09380347246132116,0.0,0.04337543525703216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385249517924055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058353125608613686,0.0,0.1832628937672393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110281411513625,0.2985032828228732,0.15038297675751935,0.0,0.04726369717777442,0.040702817519767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411997697231765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02758344063750468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354094920154944,0.0,0.034240684249695286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039197509655333695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592835194041395,0.0,0.04258451086250758,0.04819882813395157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419482074847667,0.1465818470620236,0.040580748103019336,0.0,0.03237353354067706,0.0,0.07526749684463277,0.07928227011431041,0.049239474618901324,0.0,0.0,0.08276763281864337,0.04230332054189797,0.06836495620850706,0.15064142825643215,0.049487730438673126,0.0,0.04114284431591722,0.04783795272226616,0.17539741196096967,0.0,0.0,0.04482389432487111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285654055589085,0.06835334414882288,0.0,0.0,0.07742689496312183,0.0,0.07770455815218814,0.0480716444981458,0.0990269359476044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372651142388551,0.0,0.0917594518090519,0.0,0.0,0.05545464069095567
suicidewatch,Juzzzo,2019/02/10,"I survived a suicide atempt and want to do it again I suffer from depression since over 3 years. Excuse me if my english isn't whell i'm not a native speaker. One and a halve year ago I tried to hang my selfe but the wood witch i fixet the noose on broke. Long story cut down: I want to end my life, now. I'm curious about the reactions  and would write to someone who understands the way I think.",1.349066265060241,3.308299253012052,2.8152861445783164,93.3573870481928,80.56626506024097,6.077710843373494,21.218373493975907,7.1686216300943375,0.4801819277108432,310,9,69,4,8,101,62,83,0.2,0.696,0.104,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,9,5,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,0,1,10,0,9,8,0,12,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379276746997124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23117958957505455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377299976490742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958464961182891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375328109099374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188034294988734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800082905166717,0.0,0.0,0.22203003690264356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742139705637698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935950066624566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198513687366296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822315491944261,0.0,0.0,0.2794224023863989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166282214511487,0.21304993598705246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066948445186596,0.0,0.0,0.345692161708128
suicidewatch,tiffdanielle,2019/02/10,... The only way I can make all of these negative thoughts stop is if I’m asleep or dead. But then again even when I’m asleep I have nightmares about my reality. I feel trapped and can’t take this for too much longer. No one understands and no one can help. I just want to go so that I don’t feel this way anymore. ,1.2358706467661662,2.8750185820895524,2.326194029850747,98.27396766169157,79.59701492537314,6.257711442786071,21.61442786069652,7.1686216300943375,0.2363950248756219,243,7,61,3,6,77,51,67,0.247,0.6990000000000001,0.055,-0.9325,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,2,1,1,14,16,8,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,4,15,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809294936186396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187098342591073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28646145202537954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098988358706587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987110657388792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18908611632947245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082373558651454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38390458570193997,0.21544095743646668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368278965820292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298512893723895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248861557630426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948959186137759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708103828905368,0.4496959159103284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sighhchedelic,2019/02/10,"my mental illnesses are starting to show on the outside i’ve wanted to kill myself multiple times in the past, and at one point i actually had plans to. the past week i’ve felt suicidal again, but something about it is different this time. i’m scared to die, but i really do not want to be alive and experience my life anymore if that makes sense. 
>
i’ve always struggled with mental health, i’ve had a lot of bullying and trauma that i still have yet to deal with, and i’m lonely and self conscious so i’ve always depended on others for feelings of my own self worth. 
>
a lot of my issues have only really been coming to light for the past year or so, i’ve had 3 different therapists in the past, and multiple different medications, none of which made any sort of improvement. 
>
my friend killed herself in April and my dad attempted to do the same twice, once in early November and the second time just a few days after Christmas. he has had alcoholism since he was a young teenager and has been trying to kick it all his life. he was sober for a whole decade until that same stupid fucking April. 
>
i feel like i’m helpless and hopeless since i have all this mental scarring. i feel like i, too, will still be depressed and anxious and want to kill myself when i’m middle aged. i just turned 19 a week ago and so much has already happened in my life that i just don’t see how it could possibly get better. 
>
when i was a junior in high school, i went to the guidance counselor and told him i wanted to die, so i almost got sent to a psychiatric hospital. i was too scared to go because of the stigma it’s had my whole life, and the fact i didn’t want anyone at school finding out why i’d be gone for so long. so i lied and said i wasn’t going to do anything in order to go home that night. it’s scary how easily you can make such intense accusations and then lie your way out of it. i wish i fucking went then, because now i have an apartment and bills and a job that would all be lost if i were to go to a psychiatric hospital for as long as i need to be. but i just wasn’t ready at the time. 
>
i’ve talked to my mom and my boyfriend multiple times lately about how i feel, i try to express how badly i want to die and how i don’t trust myself not to impulsively kill myself whenever things so really bad (like if i have an argument with my bf or if i make a big mistake at work) but i feel like i’m not being taken as seriously as i should be. they’re not worried about me, or letting me/helping me take the steps needed to go into the mental hospital. it’s almost like they’re trying to convince themselves - and me - that i won’t do anything. i wouldn’t want any of them to find out the hard way that i’m serious, but i’m so sick of calling out for help and getting nothing. 
>
my mom does try her best to help. she says very kind, reassuring things and is trying to find a holistic cure for my mental illnesses. but at this point, i feel like i can’t carry on. 
>
my dad looks out for me, i don’t tell him how suicidal and depressed i am because it worries him. but i don’t have to. he gets it. he checks in on me frequently and makes sure i’m doing okay. he makes sure i’m eating and sleeping. he gets it. more than anyone else does. because he’s going through the same thing. 
>
i’m so paranoid that my boyfriend doesn’t love me or want to be around me anymore, and it’s all purely in my head because of the shit conditions i was raised in. he does have trouble showing affection, but he has his own love language that i can pick up on. but when i’m going through a bout of depression and insecurity, i feel like he’s just done with me. it’s so unfair to him because when i calm down, i know that’s not the case. but when my mental illness acts up, i feel like it’s the truth. 
>
i’m sick of how limited my life has been due to my fucking mental health, how sheltered abused and manipulated i was growing up, i feel like the ugliest fucking thing to ever exist, and like i’m nothing but an asshole and a fucking mess. i keep all of this to myself because even though i do want someone to show me compassion and care and understanding, i don’t want people to be forced to feel bad for me or think of me differently. 
>
my boss and 2 people i work with keep for a few days have been saying i look sickly and pale and like shit, i took 2 days off due to the fact i wanted to blow my fucking brains out but i told them i had a stomach flu. they believe it wholeheartedly and think i’m still sick. it’s embarrassing to know that my mental health issues are showing on the outside and even when i’m doing my best to fake it, i’m not fooling anyone because i still LOOK sick. 
>
i’ve been trying really hard to take the steps to improve it but every step i take it’s like it just gets fucking worse. i’ve been trying to get back into things i loved doing a long time ago (learning guitar and drawing), going for long walks at sunset while listening to my favorite music. used to be my main coping mechanism), watching new shows that are supposed to bring new perspective to my life, hanging out with friends more, etc. but it’s like the more i try, the more horrible i feel for some reason. 
> 
i don’t even know what triggered this severe bout of depression, all i know is that it’s the worst one yet and i don’t fully trust myself not to impulsively end it sometimes. but i know that i can’t, for my family and boyfriend. 
>
i just feel like no one will truly care about me until i die. all i want is to be loved. i’ve been alone and abused since childhood so i desperately crave positive attention, affection, love, and for people to just genuinely like me. i crave it like an alcoholic craves vodka. ",4.713680972852288,4.638517753794272,5.749268460679763,83.59521969930884,69.18549747048904,8.80647934826497,28.7615609339002,8.510385528910536,1.8572550792105083,4480,143,962,63,71,1490,398,1186,0.205,0.64,0.155,-0.9973,5,3,4,0,2,6,130.0,0,2,3,9,55,77,14,5,46,1,84,40,6,23,14,196,197,103,10,24,39,4,15,16,3,6,21,4,1,2,51,61,3,3,28,7,3,22,24,39,0,5,37,25,130,38,137,141,30,127,0,8,5,12,54,43,9,16,75,612,181,8,0.0,0.0827541842729998,0.03407902603502325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191283993144315,0.07464241472685287,0.0699390702562526,0.036168863419113136,0.03853751205047085,0.0,0.05811612981813799,0.0,0.0,0.047496582081108206,0.0,0.0,0.039452141649923854,0.06926686977935069,0.07325523497563427,0.03578191705885867,0.0574759840385406,0.03108815867322132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026853013362645686,0.08747572571441023,0.17030597399490616,0.0,0.0,0.03934535647619608,0.07329738104938181,0.03088584473562338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038984720572978464,0.0356594669930795,0.0,0.07121101321066886,0.0,0.0,0.03008237991952645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027882532128066902,0.0,0.0,0.06756578278346838,0.036003250992305884,0.12031374612340864,0.0,0.14497490516557274,0.14594504943553274,0.0,0.0,0.09168194804637332,0.0357375315777192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0357341251859982,0.029173013919060763,0.0,0.030930700495278032,0.0,0.03894748017859288,0.06919734395944707,0.03158912591796713,0.029423456593737837,0.0,0.0,0.03416060905917146,0.032921538708222245,0.0,0.2118925411354084,0.1995873923128335,0.03353078501275817,0.0,0.0957547643422266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396160451945985,0.2259950544768644,0.1094724373454531,0.0,0.15877671167351198,0.0,0.027930470611994745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030881582886215193,0.0,0.06256685699447669,0.0,0.03584024849301536,0.11136198500394168,0.0,0.0,0.07022283622399675,0.036897217788955584,0.03502981030528193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289939980339735,0.034654891278632194,0.06208090536008359,0.15454494436081526,0.036366093509953866,0.09596162905535197,0.0,0.0393937585690459,0.0,0.0,0.035710311803149195,0.1479994802583185,0.2729795382517057,0.0,0.0,0.1236201792741724,0.08797754862308632,0.0,0.038121702605655915,0.05937920498795325,0.15759322822701274,0.033044226555023495,0.11655418614266598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03518043880555072,0.28154688093497393,0.0,0.0,0.08180090855165656,0.0,0.0,0.025671832505218862,0.05178873216887911,0.0,0.06745614966755062,0.0,0.032772115565407815,0.0,0.06701757847946535,0.0,0.0,0.03719099935897977,0.07099255208927134,0.026559903966772824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334875172039176,0.07263196147112018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602552677488162,0.03936952921065503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948821282312787,0.03590583411538401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033219005816539415,0.055543064398935145,0.06992642151435152,0.07068625419505625,0.0278284690865423,0.0,0.07286293404966683,0.039452141649923854,0.07169426538370016,0.08666400505158893,0.0,0.03494741672697715,0.0,0.02958946362735513,0.02688481288239321,0.034538945133003,0.0,0.024718110309070257,0.0,0.11155564441407503,0.0,0.0,0.0365082620304889,0.0,0.07639842937609154,0.0,0.06582751351597264,0.0,0.07877143656760807,0.028069138584331646,0.030523538854405986,0.0,0.0,0.04054736157232483,0.116003777467238,0.04475346662924079,0.034310880588905635,0.0,0.1221804811168316,0.0,0.0,0.06673931031079464,0.038799845081800455,0.18967903166326447,0.03798532145074327,0.0,0.036355237981547266,0.0,0.030161565059311213,0.0,0.028814469324175838,0.2471761944114801,0.055439227911668124,0.05602495885014467,0.0,0.0,0.0647464517450671,0.031511850391659414,0.07797877012773158,0.04015880232165603,0.0,0.0,0.05084754970563735,0.07093037108273498,0.03558870155148778,0.02480772630921996,0.0,0.0,0.02248874947019327
suicidewatch,tttmmmbbb,2019/02/10,"Family history of suicide My line is defined by death and weakness. My great grandfather tied cinder blocks to his feet and jumped off a bridge during the Great Depression. His father before that burned himself alive using kerosine and a match. It took 5 minutes for him to finally die. 5 minutes of pure agony. My Mom’s sister killed herself from an overdose in Florida. She disappeared for 2 years and then someone found her body. My cousin has attempted suicide 3 times after being kicked out of his parent’s house. 

So there you have it. I was always destined from the very beginning to follow in their footsteps. I don’t get to decide my fate (Not like I want to anyway). My family’s history of depression and mental illness will do that for me. It’s only fitting that I continue the trend and try my best to kill off my worthless genes. ",3.4747877358490555,6.109530861635221,4.315813679245284,81.82013561320758,76.86163522012578,7.245440251572328,26.91863207547169,8.278499904357787,2.205983962264152,673,27,115,13,16,216,111,159,0.253,0.649,0.098,-0.9843,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,2,3,10,2,0,6,0,8,4,2,1,1,14,15,8,6,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,3,0,23,4,22,10,1,17,0,3,0,0,15,6,0,0,8,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276134628434558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576833074347802,0.0,0.1674416210729083,0.0,0.0,0.1772280401159925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27484650065035016,0.0,0.16559140850789905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008257992631633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478312974346893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494224681943105,0.0,0.0,0.08336015152472104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518167337542145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841033900450692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530447560597469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794981169553172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607924644674966,0.0,0.0,0.1868672050355832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134767469361625,0.0,0.0,0.1771653502192268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518921646338922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490514034475111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930369658905327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726987962905308,0.1083263961499494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780305040434052,0.0,0.13164839957228686,0.09410882555955394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274726363428303
suicidewatch,throwawayy30519,2019/02/10,"I think it's time I've been pushing myself to keep moving towards small goals. However, it's to the point where the weight everyday interactions feel crushing. I'm unable to function as a normal human being anymore, and I feel as if I have no other choice but to retire my life. Thanks for stopping by to read this pointless post, and feel free to comment or upvote if you  feel the same.",7.219868421052634,6.548207039473684,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,64.13157894736842,9.178947368421053,33.473684210526315,8.07648339933343,2.533378947368421,309,11,56,3,4,100,57,76,0.061,0.8290000000000001,0.109,0.7684,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,11,8,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,2,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,11,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,37,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556879292297431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214456804022439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291620537609377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210572507401307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740216089401856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526086299608809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372301319735906,0.0,0.246920067471496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578895352822207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155488684399104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736580097928905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520049548556712,0.0,0.0,0.15033677864839531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139550174419512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sassenacho,2019/02/10,"I just want someone to ask how I'm doing. I'm doing horribly, on the edge of ending it all the time. I feel like I'll snap and leave it all behind me, I'm just so tired of myself.

Why doesn't anyone ask how I'm doing? I'm social enough, I've got plenty of friends and a good relationship with my family. They must know, it's pretty obvious that I'm super depressed. I find it very hard to open up from out of the blue, but I would like for someone to seek that connection so badly.

I've got a plan, I've got the means. But I don't want to leave everyone in the dark afterwards. I just want them to know what's going on. Not to stop me, it's far too late for that, but for one honest and open conversation before that time. Now it just feels like I'm everyone's second choice, but they're my first. I'm done trying I suppose. It feels selfish to leave them behind like this. I love them a lot.",1.4816752577319576,2.793114113402062,3.5542139175257748,91.17657860824744,77.96907216494846,6.7056701030927846,19.341494845360824,7.413659706084162,0.2553412371134023,694,14,162,9,16,237,100,194,0.107,0.7040000000000001,0.189,0.9475,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,4,3,10,12,0,0,8,0,8,2,0,2,4,35,32,11,0,5,9,0,4,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,4,5,17,9,23,26,4,17,0,1,1,1,11,8,0,1,12,94,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857623535658342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23685374594852554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057708772819406,0.0,0.0,0.10779368708865976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910761562095787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963562300268142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219914895058396,0.1308922849633004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420926037405213,0.0,0.0,0.11942078795694082,0.0,0.19215667931606376,0.1809976431198584,0.0,0.0,0.11578143931573412,0.10775228143562078,0.0,0.0,0.09787114430233593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199405298653001,0.10625153500406116,0.303948017562698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347864734529467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923788261524578,0.0,0.14289835388909106,0.4024012803716293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475539785903049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769714488082333,0.11433188259118372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798952931942707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584032259968001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887711462657053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600481374833542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291323152199832,0.2146677950213466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590851894115473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773397498465085,0.14559777908296445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600607804549272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452265496310986,0.22415398139823853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430723324038734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998844949271073,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OddCompetition1,2019/02/10,Starting to think about suicide again Past few months my life has gone to shit and im just tired of it all. Its not like i have anyone in my life at this point that would care if i did kill myself. Its cold enough outside that i could just go out and just fall asleep and not wake up,3.336311475409836,3.657848491803282,3.1247131147540976,99.82182377049185,72.27868852459017,6.1000000000000005,20.16803278688525,3.1291,-0.6892983606557377,222,3,56,0,4,66,48,61,0.247,0.708,0.044,-0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,1,14,10,4,2,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,2,8,6,3,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,5,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697040244175474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804794026738564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207632669967146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615155211013882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438401223437441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733867939803349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280012899500995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35753796423145506,0.12364977762042477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201857789901026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160848980532915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392572499835562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25979910518216576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914244342199553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768456233285293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217350888318155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908962822274973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979192791072818,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brohammerhead,2019/02/10,"I’ve called the hotline. I’ve had the cops called to “help me”. I go to therapy and take my medication. Nothing will change the circumstances that my life isn’t worth living for. Single. Fat. Alcoholic. Eating disorder. 

My very best friend who said she would be there for me through thick and thin even abandoned me. I can’t have pets where I live. I live alone. My family and I are estranged. 90% of my friends are married or in serious relationships. I love people and live for them but they tire of me quickly. I have had people leave me several times over the years. What’s the point? Wouldn’t a sad fat fuck like me be better off dead?",0.6136466165413523,3.1170295793650773,1.7931411862990814,94.0182330827068,94.4761904761905,5.5097744360902245,19.32999164578112,7.0608816371341465,0.5379269841269849,501,16,105,9,19,158,85,126,0.165,0.69,0.14400000000000002,-0.6091,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,4,10,1,0,6,0,13,9,2,0,0,9,18,6,1,2,2,0,2,1,2,3,6,1,1,0,3,4,4,1,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,3,3,21,6,11,10,2,11,0,2,0,2,12,7,1,1,4,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850943554311153,0.0,0.15361523728242982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556531435838736,0.13117736968267188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30290349022204344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690335131866795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998806587261742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176883099473856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796424702346936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982330386676722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918399691865998,0.13711985012332709,0.0,0.0,0.0842939200080086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994160596477209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704992255917186,0.0,0.0,0.10476310804550457,0.07246187151340011,0.0,0.5238786380875496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386498142158254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941723194870546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423174554992605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056534256437891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021075040004058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924063745864206,0.0,0.0,0.14108669663358864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755987133536768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151850676270328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961734116482433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648683712911158,0.17047251869066704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237989043530473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536257994257543,0.0,0.0,0.09551349584912017
suicidewatch,TedBEARr,2019/02/10,"I'm so lost, confused and wanna stop ""playing"" life Eh, where to start. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal although I have been thinking about it considerably alot the last few months but I'd say I really envy the dead. The idea of being dead seems so calm and peaceful to me and a lot less complicated than living. 

I've been struggling a lot with life generally. the best analogy I can use to describe how I'm feeling is like as if life was some sort of video game and I've jumped into the deep end without reading the instructions or playing the tutorial. after a while loosing at a game you don't know how to play becomes boring and frustrating and you kinda just wanna stop playing/""living"".  

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Most of what I'm struggling  with is the social aspect of life. I have no issues socializing, in fact I'm a store manager and get on well with everyone. I can hold and even drive a conversation with practically anyone and I'm generally not shy, although that's because i force myself not to be. But, i can never seem to really connect with people or at least people don't want to connect with me.  I don't really have any friends, I mean i have one which I see once a week, if that, for drinks but our relationship feels somewhat distant. We get on and have a bit in common but it doesn't feel like the kind of friendship that i could just call or text and be like ""whats up"".

 I had another friend but in the last few months shes really distanced herself from me and has somewhat severed her connection with me which has really fucked my mental health. She was only friends with me for maybe a year but in that time she was incredible to me. Before I met her I had severe low self esteem issues and in her words when she first met me ""dead inside"" which was true. But she helped me through it, helped me to value myself, feel loved and wanted. she was the first person who generally cared for me. We had loads in common and had similar sense of humor. She was the only person I ever connected with. But now shes completely distanced herself from me with absolutely no obvious reason. We used to work together but now she works in the store opposite so I see her time to time and she says hi like nothings changed but she doesn't answer my messages anymore and won't give a straight answer as to why when I ask. She also  completely stopped hanging out, always having some excuse as to why she couldn't even though we used to hang out 2/3 times a week. Honestly that's fucked me up a lot, not knowing why makes it worse. She was my guide in life and now shes gone I'm lost and clueless. 

I think my main problem  is that I can socialize and talk to people no problem but i can't take it any further than that. I don't know how to go from that to a relationship or friendship. That's not my only issue I'm dealing with but its the one that's going through my head atm and since I have no one i can talk to or confide in i figured I'd just let it out on reddit.

​

I really don't know wtf I'm on about but I'm lonely, lost and loosing any real reason to keep on going. This was probably a bad idea.

​

If anyone wants to pm that would be cool. be cool to know someone wants to listen. ",3.2633225893096984,4.6880078203957405,4.574756916465219,85.20872683319907,73.53576864535769,7.466487599606054,25.515534067508288,8.060288974870295,1.4385488942609008,2546,83,522,38,51,843,273,657,0.163,0.7070000000000001,0.13,-0.9792,0,2,1,0,0,0,63.0,5,2,0,8,23,37,4,3,30,2,55,11,1,9,5,139,112,59,4,15,29,0,4,4,3,3,6,4,0,3,26,41,1,5,23,8,3,8,22,16,1,5,20,12,76,21,80,81,16,64,1,5,2,3,61,27,3,22,33,359,102,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481122147555556,0.05006031630871812,0.13037286016701766,0.14620891205262534,0.12273841685623706,0.06308600093138375,0.0,0.0,0.05966538759067321,0.08413453650189437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624414961274238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023347232861036,0.036674719024340906,0.06644514845409975,0.05119415983601384,0.0,0.06313720633866972,0.0,0.06568225745784732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143300328703985,0.0,0.061340042035589966,0.0,0.06364432506367883,0.0,0.12615922117805195,0.0,0.0,0.048035145567569916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202526350109761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589366953135296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053286433741862434,0.0,0.0,0.07947399886338065,0.05442074826103849,0.0,0.05748818778605853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168059212809736,0.08596071367517621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234899032581007,0.0,0.0,0.13944502150556293,0.11123918310970644,0.06286521897619934,0.057713694232116086,0.10257581372469668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174444794441376,0.06395030331520972,0.0,0.0,0.08065178931607475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583308430082666,0.0,0.1883831747379096,0.0,0.053475511338806334,0.0,0.06265035712865162,0.19838359583999046,0.09808151605721747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152059711968876,0.2124740245218748,0.11757013133403145,0.0,0.05312490468837175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970245950621179,0.15344492793097647,0.05429932707386901,0.0,0.04015917401014582,0.0,0.06044167597864539,0.06553498827686217,0.0,0.0,0.06063000908458192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604283643926904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640130399871305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772788359143813,0.0,0.0,0.06407147886736245,0.1223037261522153,0.13726969065557346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512804884788173,0.10506377173731404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486573511475657,0.11513545735446498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017913760945105,0.06847850223422533,0.23125119930626495,0.12371487356568615,0.0,0.1291847855203771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435317551908834,0.0,0.0,0.09588401493486276,0.10954001033612933,0.06276298055499896,0.13593380675773414,0.0,0.04976733675646868,0.0,0.0,0.1839853677125538,0.05097579323420152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042583579618877265,0.0,0.0,0.15089652631167974,0.0,0.12579056112972212,0.0,0.06580840038771428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523498086797787,0.09671325055140477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709985858942164,0.05910970123049066,0.0,0.140325782201944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588417452710646,0.0,0.0,0.14194244655708962,0.0,0.0965180293318788,0.0,0.0540936334293414,0.0,0.16286286127612773,0.0,0.0,0.05799484692875996,0.0,0.08759855240715089,0.0,0.06131109081967862,0.04273796723305098,0.0,0.14620891205262534,0.03874290718904799
suicidewatch,ToffeeMunchAndCrunch,2019/02/10,"I think about suicide all too much and I've been brought to a tipping point. I want to die. I'm done. Everything is just wrong and painful.

My own mother makes me feel like shit. We got into an argument earlier this week. She did something that really irritated me, and she got angry and told me that I'm crazy and have mental issues. I sat until 3am thinking about what she said, half the time in tears. If my friends said that to me, I'd laugh it off or just plain ignore them. But this was my mum. When your mum says something like this to you, you take it to heart. It genuinely made me consider that and made me feel horrible and like utter shit.

Some context, I have depression and anxiety. Never brought this up to my parents because I fear my mum will just write this off as me being ""crazy"" and ""mental once again"".

So since then I ignored her. Didn't talk to her, didn't go near her. She finally confronts me about this and asks me what's wrong. I tell her that what she said took an affect on me and made me think about it for half the night. At this point you'd expect her to console me and apologise and talk it out. But no. This is my mum. She once again simply says ""only crazy people think like this. You must have something wrong up there. If you were normal you'd just sleep"". I turned away with this, and she proceeds to then give me shit. She goes ""you spend so much time working, and don't talk to us. You're crazy and you blame this on me"". At this point I'm trying to hold back tears. She completely diverted the fault from herself and put all the blame on me. This hurt too much and the second she left, I came up and burst into tears. I talked to my friends about it, but the same old ""it'll get better"" bullshit came up. I love my friends, but they don't understand this.  

Also, in regards to the working thing, I'm a student. I have important exams this summer which determine a good deal of my future. I need to do well. I'm predicted good grades, but my own anxiety brings me to believe that I'm an utter failure. It's all I fear. Doing badly and letting my parents down and putting all their hard earned money to waste (private school). I feel as if I'm a waste of life and the stress eats me up. I self harm to escape stress and pain, and don't let anyone see the cuts. 

My mum has always looked down on me and talked down on me. She's always made me feel like shit and I don't feel as if she's ever been proud of me. As a kid growing up, that hurts. It affects my own self confidence and self esteem. It's just contributed to my whole self worthlessness and self hate. Suicide has been on my mind far too much in recent times. I don't like it or want it, but at times it feels like it could be the only escape. 

What my mum's done has felt like a tipping point. But at the same time, I don't want my mum to have the pleasure and win of herself being the reason I killed myself. Then it would feel as if she won. I also know that if I did commit, she'd simply write it off and confirm her thoughts of me being crazy and mental. It just makes me feel so trapped. And i genuinely can't be arsed with life anymore. But I keep being brought back to ""I could do well"" and ""if I commit, I'll be financial waste of my parents"".",2.064417200270708,3.6461250148367994,3.1150507574574418,93.79004346920713,77.04154302670622,6.1541569056171594,21.616846269977614,6.8360192770164,0.3054197823936695,2516,66,568,24,57,805,255,674,0.187,0.687,0.125,-0.9917,3,1,3,0,0,4,90.0,2,9,3,7,28,48,8,4,22,0,49,12,6,9,9,117,108,65,4,17,23,11,10,8,3,4,4,5,0,6,46,41,1,4,17,0,2,11,11,26,2,3,31,17,104,22,71,59,15,71,0,4,2,1,74,36,4,10,32,384,150,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824333291393527,0.09181637511910676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441407858509879,0.0,0.054716590031794285,0.03857810304419112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157911815071144,0.0,0.051836659698430765,0.08484895176944726,0.046066981582932216,0.033632825435626505,0.0,0.0,0.062160849676640435,0.0,0.0487958560728424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262059649348257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784762877337776,0.0,0.0,0.0881019791631803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568807318890875,0.04752024988854377,0.0,0.0572606534416233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292185544491308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056455546040279185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049906954300724206,0.0,0.0,0.049585753088514636,0.0,0.0,0.12416947292266768,0.2231761945459929,0.11824637328946914,0.05297453812570768,0.060439103150726835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787910012483228,0.0,0.028825509670512662,0.052926775037202035,0.031355972440037565,0.09255265025633072,0.08825345304269476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942398977534355,0.054471715355162806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538003102438736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812724228408995,0.0,0.0,0.057586066546859764,0.0,0.049040117710111374,0.061040526221368775,0.0,0.030321526770479862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059945406229120674,0.11283584761746833,0.0779403574610226,0.21563713690494854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633125451697279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979560409270905,0.2088233411544124,0.07365654189338162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680361016662262,0.0,0.05570879776830225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223341854800571,0.040909930467158434,0.04255266294851185,0.0,0.0,0.051775933215378885,0.05405762753721306,0.0,0.0,0.0578945702140113,0.11751445799588699,0.0,0.08392279779716406,0.11741549363391965,0.0,0.18378858804651774,0.0,0.0,0.038249871082477294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862450933224888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092780121009176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035345107042651064,0.056726825141642685,0.05447648171884945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744589541731258,0.08775124654852194,0.0,0.055837816895648214,0.04396557659011538,0.0,0.28778630416021794,0.0,0.2265363362962325,0.04563950846945665,0.0,0.055212642921835337,0.0,0.0,0.12742414570660573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264005069114141,0.0,0.0,0.12070017174331092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041483077596500974,0.22172902476420964,0.048223457105433305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0366543552727805,0.14141000416818372,0.0,0.04380103858164717,0.1608585103877474,0.0,0.0,0.0527199726638879,0.061299008411981,0.03745870805988319,0.0600121607246599,0.0,0.0574368282695995,0.06636608249047535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762703683820792,0.0,0.04425629041295833,0.0,0.09921394239450512,0.0,0.0,0.06159845839510681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033290778773003,0.0,0.0,0.03919317256305991,0.1809683796279148,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mpb1234567890,2019/02/10,"Please I posted this somewhere else but yeah. The more the merrier.

Hello, I don’t know how I got here. Maybe cuz I’m desperate. But nwy. I have Major Depressive Disorder, then I was diagnosed with PCOS, and now I think Im developing bulimia, binge eating then purging. Its hard to control weight because of my pcos, and its hard to start exercising because of depression and now my need to control my weight because of my family’s history of diabetes lead to bulimia. I feel stuck in a goddamned cycle of self destruction. Please help me",3.1667506750675045,5.951631633663367,4.814671467146717,76.89763276327635,79.1980198019802,9.217281728172818,29.97389738973897,9.573946990214177,3.6432693069306934,429,21,74,14,11,144,68,101,0.246,0.629,0.125,-0.938,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,3,1,3,6,0,5,0,15,11,9,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,3,2,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,5,12,0,11,8,2,8,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29835274992610256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659591793053675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281030948144376,0.16558747357886935,0.0,0.0,0.18697687328037546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669367866217078,0.1362856701925532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379740945067913,0.0,0.08249038265741865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304809615047024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922895132121617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935181767828143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622324718080715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965953922253421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389982634816186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096902451766912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581656958992395,0.0,0.0,0.15624661679664906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019451309874042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154739869768504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453592847705524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973302761817896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ambienchick,2019/02/10,"Please help me Guys, please help me. 
I am literally so close to killing myself, I’m scared. 
I do not see any reason to keep on living, it all hurts so bad and nothing seems to stop it. I just wanna take some pills and slit my wrists, please help me ",2.3701923076923066,3.5203964038461564,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,75.34615384615384,5.9692307692307685,18.76923076923077,5.985473137389443,-0.4737076923076926,191,3,46,1,4,60,38,52,0.22,0.536,0.245,-0.3109,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,12,7,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,0,5,7,2,3,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,2,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166504541540314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166069071756445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917095901591711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38932876916667697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726918634584815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209417742326175,0.21420664631446387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096585977664064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857791050956244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6375943834442201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990687781031028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938426948006803,0.0,0.15428632906105924,0.17626010020077876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187106285658673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557461216050907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MindSplitter96,2019/02/10,"I am the cause of all my own problems This is more of a rant/vent, I'm not really sure.

I wish I had the guts to just end it all, instead I sit at home being a useless piece of shit. I can't get a job, I'm not academic, I have friends who are all happy and successful, and I am happy for them. I just wish I could turn my life around, I had an amazing girlfriend about 5 months ago almost 3 years strong but I was an absolute dickhead to her. I got drunk, went off on one of my depressive episodes and I got nasty, tried to kill myself, she stopped me but the damage was done. About 3 days later she ended it, she's blocked me on Facebook and when I saw her in the street she crossed the road and ignored me.

And to be honest I don't blame her not at all, I hate myself even more, I'm such a bitter prick I had to take it out on the people who love me. I'm a selfish arrogant self centred asshole and I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to wake up anymore, all I do is drink away any little money that I earn from temp jobs and I really don't see any real direction that my life is going except down.

Unfortunately I live with my amazing mum and sister and I hate what I do to them, and I just want to be able to leave but without them being sad. I don't even have any money to leave them, my mum is really ill and not getting better and I'm a waste of space son who's an alcoholic prick just like his father.

I'm thinking about going to a carpark in town and just jumping off it, no guns in the UK unfortunately so no easy way out that isn't gonna mess up and let me survive. I just want to be free from this mental pain, I don't want to live anymore.",3.8422570123940014,3.197211493150686,5.31624266144814,87.90511415525114,71.05479452054793,8.267449445531637,26.969993476842788,7.447530270364453,1.142656881930855,1285,35,309,12,21,437,175,365,0.246,0.62,0.134,-0.9893,2,0,2,1,0,4,31.0,0,0,4,5,17,29,7,0,17,0,33,13,5,1,6,56,62,20,1,9,15,5,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,1,13,19,3,3,1,2,3,5,15,16,0,1,10,3,54,14,45,43,9,38,0,4,2,1,24,22,3,1,10,209,67,5,0.10237233601757832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074689908628024,0.1094048937873703,0.1025111068683048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885009696681275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045775471864743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113308325126036,0.0,0.0,0.0961821795797452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054001200790353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516458884784936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817359801972397,0.0,0.0,0.06602168767928478,0.0,0.08817314300428677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476244266188177,0.0,0.10028591574186227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134300798484,0.0,0.0,0.13523192488622982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909261286162171,0.0,0.10697064061366836,0.0,0.11636111546039815,0.0,0.16375301800825812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795451059313065,0.0,0.20214297521434005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268779995570984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317749437372606,0.0,0.11325982208000125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679504488838766,0.0,0.10468264951594336,0.14461721687774087,0.05001395235176038,0.10260397486726658,0.18079329650332399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239503013871528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316723647531886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171262192017505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937014430239133,0.0,0.10893138330905963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097208791538524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795649988284992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165221305446006,0.1967470195390211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157749761498492,0.0,0.10679667304321773,0.0,0.10508373179204578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558785684046154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964847151697355,0.0,0.0769712562908051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559605930630841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950409625931209,0.11135170463081573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019092807946746,0.0812583952907387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490018111284146,0.0,0.0,0.2354462683827497,0.09868327875561553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592442798644199
suicidewatch,REAVETTO,2019/02/10,"Feeling down lately Hey people of the internet i don't know if i even want to post here because I'm feeling a little better atm but who knows maybe there's some form of therapy in it.
Long story short I've been struggling with feelings of being down for about 10 years now and yesbi even had thoughts of ending my own life in the 10 years I've been struggling with these feelings, the part i hate the most is not really knowing what the cause of these feelings is i have a decent life I'm a healthy 24 year old male have a good job and i can save money cause i still live with my parents, so what makes me feel like shit idk just wanted to put it out there hoping someone can relate and who knows maybe someone knows the feeling and knows how to deal wit this.
Anyway  good day i guess,... ",6.866296296296297,5.422706092592595,6.511203703703703,84.44791666666667,65.23456790123457,8.84074074074074,30.743827160493822,6.6274283507984215,1.5657382716049382,625,17,132,3,8,195,103,162,0.107,0.726,0.16699999999999998,0.7753,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,12,10,2,2,10,0,11,3,1,4,0,37,33,8,0,4,4,1,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,14,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,4,7,10,6,18,28,5,19,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,5,11,81,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127559175021883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340949567877314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022566056369246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540610251057109,0.12054318280038764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355967811748837,0.0,0.0,0.15445397942883007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138408900885993,0.08353030230992234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961400753468434,0.0,0.0,0.12880461862759124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543792991819415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613159919584964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602871349646895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38554918928341214,0.0,0.1318950069647225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517330992279408,0.0571230053420609,0.11718824705628883,0.10324575399813084,0.10347377984871292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804746615436657,0.0,0.23493110984128976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269173635222365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982991269472302,0.1266169542746987,0.0,0.08106015954536076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119805673710988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175405956887703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490430516346694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002048009128087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813811390309946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337540407041753,0.0,0.0,0.2444680401003875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371242120999685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282434359124822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379292349331392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258850545677353
suicidewatch,poolrats,2019/02/10,"i finally did it. i took the a whole lot of pills. i’m finally going to die. this would be my 6th suicide attempt.i’m slowing to a stop. everything is warm in my body. i’m so ready to leave. i know i’m young, but the voices won’t stop, the mania wont stop, nothing will stop. i’m done. ",-1.9819047619047647,-0.15104657142857114,1.2892222222222216,97.04050000000002,102.015873015873,5.05968253968254,17.411111111111108,6.742157984588678,0.09709015873015847,218,7,53,4,10,77,43,63,0.261,0.6829999999999999,0.057,-0.897,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,8,2,1,0,0,8,15,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,5,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109697672041162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711768454387352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436465829360464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069712355163685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41611876054210334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794177698832937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438073597824846,0.0,0.0,0.2011087835908678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147196487438553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224326311539613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6351610033595014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207752941575712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211019572372218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205041787890855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134921048943933,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,starmanintheskyy,2019/02/10,"I want to shoot myself I want to shoot myself, i have the gun in my mouth right now but I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of surviving with severe medulla oblongata damage and living for 50 more years like a plant.",2.2324999999999977,3.783030583333337,3.84,88.905,76.5,6.466666666666668,18.25,7.1686216300943375,0.0913999999999997,180,3,39,2,4,60,34,48,0.239,0.597,0.16399999999999998,-0.6165,0,0,0,3,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,6,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270068073088116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100741048316104,0.0,0.3633065440144961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35136508064378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648068720083421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485352585666908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649520370623521
suicidewatch,LizardJerky369,2019/02/10,I need to talk Please.,-2.9160000000000004,-1.726766599999996,-1.84,117.16000000000004,115.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,17,0,5,0,1,5,5,5,0.0,0.5660000000000001,0.434,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478550090304008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7084467565138697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518741751023574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadbeatskip,2019/02/10,"Helping a friend struggling with suicide To sum it up, one of my closest friends has been struggling with his mental health for a long time. we’ve spent countless hours together calling into the late hours of the night talking about our lives and we’d help each other out. In those calls, he’d mention his suicidal thoughts and I always did whatever I could to talk him down from them. He already sees a therapist and is going to start medication soon, but recently he’s been talking about taking action.

In a series of drunk videos he’s sent to me, he told me about his plan to kill himself and when he’s going to do it. it really seemed like he had it all planned out as well: he had a date, location, and method. I tried to talk him out of it but he seems truly adamant on doing it. I know that it wasn’t a drunk ramble because he’s also mentioned the same thing when he was sober, and that really scared me. I don’t want to lose him.

I’m not sure if he’s told any of his IRL friends, but he said it was a secret so I doubt they know. but I know why he told me. we’re internet friends, and I live on the other side of the world so there’s really nothing I can do about it apart from talk to him. I would really like some advice on this situation. just something, or anything really. as long as it helps.

I’ve semi constructed a plan in my head where I message his IRLs on social media closer to the date he told me he’d do it and tell them to check on him, but that’s about all I have. any and all feedback is appreciated. thank you",3.5493835227272754,4.269635353125004,4.648352272727274,87.64323863636366,72.03125,7.8181818181818175,25.79545454545455,8.00094639256281,1.27565625,1203,36,265,16,22,395,163,320,0.109,0.769,0.122,0.3592,0,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,2,1,3,4,15,15,1,4,14,0,23,5,1,0,4,42,44,24,3,4,9,0,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,19,16,2,0,7,3,2,4,3,6,1,1,16,2,38,9,44,23,6,38,0,1,1,0,59,20,0,6,16,169,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946973666244723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103688965408053,0.07321916034706333,0.07618386194556746,0.0,0.0,0.12452560290840765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534470115061265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055813105810445685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869825756776678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310187326598397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829509426685049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406941343271267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939652572127934,0.09732221924244287,0.0,0.0,0.18410884816509168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033301648474606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129572239594617,0.0,0.15095418479314532,0.0,0.10328177990285052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946154673931027,0.0,0.1616953588423692,0.16205247494939934,0.0,0.1024303472546551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223538117674443,0.09226925801613196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592128676538237,0.0,0.08785268328746057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062042291350751885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29327304109921043,0.0,0.0904028013993204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709293481915223,0.0,0.09166585696032156,0.0,0.07296013184910861,0.16670252288258866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291539474173762,0.0,0.09333218330315544,0.0,0.07048607260924042,0.0,0.0,0.06480545450064694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143328388225292,0.0,0.20029989659186925,0.0,0.08629263885283119,0.0,0.06884046669429958,0.36795557197828493,0.0800260126560759,0.08429460547448325,0.0,0.10630627352335877,0.06082728354681442,0.0,0.0,0.07268708380281665,0.053388396273551325,0.0,0.0,0.3499516171479891,0.0,0.06216209341289052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054003472960668084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823219309263011,0.0,0.08261714836827629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504040796382086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway6161618,2019/02/10,"I feel like I have nothing to live for. This is a throwaway account, for obvious reasons. I've been wanting to post for a long time here, so here goes. I have no future, in any career path anywhere. I have the worst grades at my school, and am known as ""the dumb one"". I'm stuck at an extremely rigorous school, only there because my dad wants to spite the rest of my family. I've looked into it, with what I have now, I cannot get into college, period. I have no future anywhere. There are a multitude of other reasons, but I don't want to get into it. I hate everything about me, who I am, and my life in general. ",2.3877952755905483,3.6758654566929145,4.322055118110239,86.69568110236222,75.53543307086613,7.599685039370079,25.298425196850395,8.238735603445708,1.5008022047244092,471,16,101,8,10,161,82,127,0.163,0.8220000000000001,0.015,-0.9316,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,1,16,22,5,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,2,2,15,1,19,20,2,14,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,7,73,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167114043902865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699567264775152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872330375357278,0.0,0.1963944237434547,0.0,0.10533760759849566,0.14883056973407802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176870329867266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568215849263796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714922094656874,0.10177922496243402,0.0,0.1839586828400713,0.18436496913759126,0.17494423248082164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998976843519944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116939755074334,0.15844390143687548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995219839998857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283946544915129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216809634038845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147855235598508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36863424500582936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lizaderp,2019/02/10,"Now with $18k in debt, my boyfriend has got his other partner pregnant I don't even know where to begin. Polyamory isn't hard, but his other partner has been making it hard for about 8 months.
I'm not mom material, but I did my best with his child from his previous marriage.
Last night he comes forward saying his secondary partner is pregnant. They took acid together at some concert and in their state, disrespected our fluid bond.
Of course she's going to keep it. She thought she couldn't get pregnant, so it's a miracle. And her family is Catholic.
He says no one ever wanted to push me out of the relationship. Of course he didn't. Of course he doesn't feel like she wanted to push me out. I feel like she wanted to push me out since day 1.
I used to be debt free, now I'm $18k in debt. I'm selling plasma for groceries for fucks sake. And now I can't leave. I have no liquidity, my credit cards are maxed out. I took a better paying job a month ago. So that's great but my time on job isn't going to help me escape.
I just don't want to get out of bed. My stomach hurts, my eyes are swollen disgustingly large. None of that matters.  I don't want to leave the room. His other partner is coming over today. Later this evening, but still 

The worst part is, he's an amazing person. He's not an abuser at all. He's an amazing father. He's paid all the bills, working long hours to make me comfortable. He wanted to try to find his own happiness because his marriage was so unhappy. I love him very much. He wants me to continue to be in his life. I can see he's not happy about the possibility of another baby. His first one was an accidental blessing. But of course she's going to keep it. And I'm just going to leave them to raise this miracle baby in the well decorated house I paid for, because I wanted him to be happy and at peace in his environment instead of the tension and discomfort from his previous marriage.
I just paid $18k and destroyed my credit for my partner to have a future with another woman.
She can't work full time. She makes her money selling her art. And he complains that I work too much. 
I just don't want to do this anymore.
I had a 700 credit score and a healthy car loan, now I'm 30 with $18k I invested in forever, and I've lost it all. And I don't know what to do so I guess I'll stay in bed until I figure it out.







",1.7808692834660214,3.5583117189409386,3.614183947417146,89.02624166820965,78.45010183299388,6.418829846324755,23.379050175893354,7.348242739294969,0.8709221995926675,1838,60,398,24,44,618,217,491,0.147,0.682,0.17,0.9624,5,0,0,0,1,0,59.0,1,0,3,7,25,27,3,2,17,0,33,6,2,4,4,65,78,21,0,10,12,2,4,2,5,0,2,3,3,8,16,23,0,2,7,2,17,13,18,9,1,3,14,10,64,19,63,60,12,60,1,2,2,2,60,23,1,2,26,249,80,9,0.0,0.10033195332924363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506371092959006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758872731084005,0.0,0.0,0.08397980606078044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324028437147753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886643592959413,0.07489257878069346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588864428469794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461159476457271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186068306819637,0.07659790825458375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982876791591886,0.0,0.08563350495921286,0.12099081820790905,0.0,0.0,0.07739598612797123,0.07202876496038901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828529572288483,0.08848361019303899,0.0,0.19250238239125733,0.0,0.06772633187131251,0.09335999923076037,0.09328456719148463,0.0,0.0,0.2704303046775379,0.15171329476751158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056759219194929385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339274276673181,0.09770935094290206,0.09065169166927513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806366783472365,0.15053495008003684,0.0,0.0,0.09307582713659683,0.0690255022990919,0.0,0.2689916803382503,0.0,0.0,0.05981198846712873,0.08274074154775,0.0,0.0,0.07493913550384508,0.0,0.0,0.09243822340255728,0.0,0.07642700636050544,0.0,0.16957367316894992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917619285593406,0.13518153662271493,0.0,0.12449908719021252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946644386130168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476271942047905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170018827328874,0.0,0.0,0.07393930996513773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546397688670123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091462967132947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468187002250118,0.0,0.0,0.06747899664878297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700481712721349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025761324214372,0.06762555759140315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722646135678545,0.09875517825755907,0.0,0.08026673887174503,0.0,0.1881651921351467,0.057492161633765214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313633176262498,0.0,0.06986986861964352,0.4495181232162311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613748989085857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849441461645914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,United-Citezen,2019/02/10,"Not sure what this is. It's not a cry for help, or is it ?

I'm obsessed with the idea of suicide, I think about it nearly constantly, I no how I would do it for sure.

  


I'm not going to Act on it, I *feel* certain about that.

I have a couple issues going on from an alcoholic father to loosing my girlfriend to a car accident. It's been nearly 2.5y years. I have rotten anxiety, which now I'm hooked on tablets.

  


  


I meditate, I'm medicated. And I gym. 

*Sigh*

  


  


**I only read a few posts on here, I can't read too much as it only negatively effects me right now. Sorry if that seems selfish.** ",-1.499477351916379,0.3725371707317109,1.7560743321718952,92.9046341463415,104.1219512195122,4.6192799070847865,18.052264808362374,6.42735559955562,0.1818752613240422,444,15,98,7,21,157,79,123,0.2,0.7609999999999999,0.039,-0.9462,0,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,6,0,8,2,0,2,3,17,17,5,1,2,5,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,12,2,1,0,5,3,0,4,6,3,1,0,1,2,12,3,17,15,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,4,70,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429172096066275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623674536764664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657586354230667,0.0,0.0,0.21151471401723096,0.20998009513543087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966561528627048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728107132490365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281304033855884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157961780161607,0.0,0.19952119578840108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192573415906698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052446887997852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290771326719683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307827398615145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38242311758650377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632494488279208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402472815854025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139877772166013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909782558680426,0.0,0.3603317516441859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248749923351622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579445733039552,0.0,0.0,0.12310066195825177
suicidewatch,rahn89,2019/02/10,"Too Fat to Hang Last night I got drunk and made a noose out of a 6ft extension cord. When I was looking for a place to hang, I realized nothing could support my weight. I thought it was pretty funny.",1.2021428571428563,3.080809928571433,2.8335714285714317,93.44892857142858,80.66666666666667,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.9298857142857146,155,6,35,2,4,51,34,42,0.114,0.736,0.15,0.3489,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,1,0,6,8,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,5,1,5,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421573089430009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425736504075944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472268555120264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25469239216528833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869861654570651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28462290574031857,0.0,0.2910208510102925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31687993994353275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085612375397363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441768947068108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078327712013586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36933302145922975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilman21,2019/02/10,"Suicide treatment question My friend consistently ""attempts"" suicide but they are consistently cries for help. What is the best treatment options for individuals like this. ",11.949599999999995,15.70015536,9.109000000000002,52.01950000000002,55.4,9.8,52.5,10.125756701596842,6.763000000000003,144,10,15,3,2,42,21,25,0.217,0.431,0.35200000000000004,0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381132673744048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539050803651334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24891932229540276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595380589834864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740331080597827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609209217408883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7048361676447887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yoshimori07,2019/02/10,"I feel useless and dont deserve to live My boyfriend broke up with me earlier. And it seemed that in our relationship, I only brought another human being pain and suffering. 

I feel like I'm a terrible human to bring such pain to someone else, knowingly or unbeknownst to me.

I dont want to negatively affect anyone in their lives. I feel like I only bring destruction and pain to the people around me and my only way to contribute to this world is by ending my own life. 

I dont want to live a life knowing I brought harm to somebody who I tried to love. I feel like I'm too messes up to even love. ",4.417295081967211,5.007322491803283,5.832909836065571,80.40543032786887,69.98360655737704,9.378688524590164,30.004098360655732,9.516144504307137,2.6013573770491805,472,18,96,10,8,160,68,122,0.23,0.653,0.117,-0.9252,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,0,4,15,1,0,3,0,5,7,0,1,0,18,22,6,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,7,0,0,4,4,10,0,0,2,4,18,5,19,19,1,12,0,3,0,2,8,6,0,2,4,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313660837527275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877870424272989,0.0,0.0,0.113028090561131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464152758544196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060651450555359,0.0,0.11245561544662723,0.0,0.0,0.08386090817675401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567945519109711,0.27211705536729114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955615465389148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936195399961907,0.1860898808882344,0.0,0.33634417427230795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291864482434859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896937637001847,0.4053074630535575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802335325466751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631569558971565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558654251524685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757924294206647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620267202754214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977757061866762,0.10078097803902374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pootprincess,2019/02/10,"He killed himself, and its killing me. My ex hung himself last week. he sent me a text just before saying goodbye and that he left a letter for me.

I never got to say goodbye, i never got to hug him and tell him its okay and that i still loved him. we could have worked through everything if he told me he felt this way. 

I am broken, I can not live with this guilt.
I miss him so much.",0.5820731707317073,2.394049097560977,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,82.41463414634147,4.5878048780487815,18.78658536585366,5.148860815047168,-0.6493707317073167,294,7,71,1,8,94,55,82,0.205,0.731,0.064,-0.9141,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,1,2,1,4,2,0,0,2,13,11,6,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,3,18,3,5,5,1,8,0,1,0,2,20,1,0,1,5,47,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753359174917354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645165453816876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851871405331844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784318328399572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295987979043493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559342070452261,0.0,0.0,0.16796068791790966,0.0,0.0,0.2238771759270166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819485647392926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597086781338534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147265599757184,0.0,0.3178415364365033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277232151246133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455418353447782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009939492173152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968924616146332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163555272038487,0.16528327920223262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000903038993588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shirayuki1125,2019/02/10,"I'm concerned for myself So I (14F) am in high school and I'm ignored a lot and not invited to things in my ""friend group"" so I feel like I really only have 1 friend (15M), we've been very close for a long time but his other friend (14M) will be coming to our high school next year. I know how them two are together and I know that he's going to forget all about me and his other friends to hang out with him. So my biggest fear is that by the end of sophomore year I'm going to kill myself. Idk what I'm supposed to do.",1.2558237547892759,2.178979448275861,3.2711494252873585,94.56657088122608,77.79310344827586,6.1900383141762445,19.785440613026818,6.42735559955562,-0.1158398467432944,400,8,99,3,9,136,79,116,0.139,0.741,0.12,-0.5117,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,1,0,5,8,1,1,3,0,8,0,0,1,1,18,18,9,1,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,1,1,15,5,15,15,2,17,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,7,60,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491963203578856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534036440046382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948979650539018,0.08757503986623437,0.12373399562534206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5352550467381767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686691348542945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659902667463121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161995402482407,0.0,0.1903721977969388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461668996331836,0.0,0.0,0.1532764023244459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472483047165553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419998778587424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317262780239395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095624834479688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505749563032101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506627329370794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009942157222466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691910703628634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290800155215513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230700283274664
suicidewatch,throwaway10286253433,2019/02/10,Why are so many trolls on this sub ? i only wished someone for talking with me and one guy just made some world war 2 jokes ,2.4607692307692304,3.6334704615384577,2.6415384615384627,99.27846153846157,75.15384615384616,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.5964,96,2,23,0,2,29,26,26,0.14,0.789,0.07200000000000001,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629655346662389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468608400576582,0.0,0.371648133355472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483997843972153,0.2787957704631165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105966542612159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946380050035091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307756917966227,0.0,0.4215415932282256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phoebemacex,2019/02/10,":(( Hi, I’m a 17 year old girl and I’m considering taking my life, I can’t deal with this depression anymore I’m never happy I always cry myself to sleep. I’ve been depressed since I was 10 years old constant in and out of mental health clinics I never got to experience my childhood. I’m to skinny people call me anorexic and say I have no butt, no hips or anything I admit I’m thin but I’m trying my best to gain weight but nothing is working 😭😭I don’t go out anymore because of my weight I’m embarrassed and ashamed of myself I don’t deserve to be here. I have nobody I can’t talk to my mum because I don’t want to put any stress on her mental health she has bipolar and bpd even tho she says I can talk to her. I got discharged from the mental health place because I’m turning 18.  Everyone walks all over me and talks bad about me for no reason this guy on snapchat has really scared me I’m not going to go into that tho. When I was 7 and on holiday in Cuba a man at a cafe bar thing touched me in a bad way I remember it but I never told anyone 😭😭all I can remember is sitting on his knee I think he was working there or something I’m not sure but Yh. I just give up I can’t do this anymore I’m ugly I have no figure no life. Idk what to do ",-0.8228798137960212,1.2023873848920843,2.1153702920016935,94.45962336013544,90.61870503597125,4.565552264071097,19.687261955141768,6.068283710208149,-0.035088362251376015,975,32,225,9,34,342,146,278,0.185,0.748,0.066,-0.9852,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,0,4,5,0,22,15,5,1,5,32,45,16,0,1,9,1,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,7,11,4,0,6,2,0,5,16,8,0,0,7,6,37,3,30,37,2,32,0,2,0,1,21,15,1,2,10,133,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010382082193504,0.0,0.0,0.06546646709932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864200150490606,0.06731377599896028,0.0,0.0792214819086376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076179151004946,0.17605472785890053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102875564271176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124789085579225,0.0,0.09830178174486244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403297956319783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574737324735324,0.0,0.09924948462740656,0.16583332014785032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358500539324627,0.0,0.0,0.09198950053358354,0.0,0.09416990827871732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923503437978927,0.16413629016236012,0.0,0.15399080567662152,0.0,0.0,0.0953218034231037,0.0,0.10248052553571052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30698948884055505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359957942307418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910506210663618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274659943187794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923730488461329,0.0,0.20203700148127626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674105388452158,0.0,0.10058099297403396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677729817559873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167261815343551,0.09898093735564566,0.0,0.0,0.21810884018551133,0.0,0.0,0.153114520613687,0.09638242527905796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963501072866375,0.0,0.0963388861731662,0.0,0.0,0.07411285784864317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027622844290062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073273399894001,0.0,0.07238257904697096,0.2321329986860509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395708615822608,0.06168551972141651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198950053358354,0.0,0.06536057723380201,0.1047134209685208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567821637198488,0.07641413826143467,0.0,0.2344602946029918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017048360242335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239886250999131
suicidewatch,GenuineMathematician,2019/02/10,"Anyone else feeling like their time should have long been up? .. that they have exceeded the limit to which you have imagined your own life? As if you haven't expected to last so long, and now that you did, you really don't know what to do with all this time, all those possiblities. As if you know there's nothing left to ""want"".

​

I've been feeling like this for far too long. I have contemplated suicide 3-5x times a day for the last few years, but I've never attempted it. I know I need only one shot to get it right, so it wouldn't even turn into a ""call for help"". On top of that, I wouldn't be able to live with the shame of having attempted sucide; the pity and care with which everyone would treat you from that point on.

​

I'm not meaning to attempt it anytime soon, but I'd really appreciate if someone would be willing to listen to all the things, big and small, making me miserable. Thank you.",5.440864624505927,5.5343709619565225,5.747766798418976,83.64703557312255,67.6413043478261,9.08221343873518,28.140316205533594,8.841846274778883,1.8575608695652173,723,21,152,11,11,231,110,184,0.07200000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.122,0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,8,2,5,7,8,0,2,7,0,19,1,0,1,4,34,34,12,1,11,6,0,2,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,15,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,3,15,5,24,23,5,24,0,2,0,0,13,11,0,3,15,103,30,0,0.12627423388650968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736361593184312,0.30687403115152423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829388035562563,0.129382875015306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894011110385145,0.0,0.12874499718382548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143643445007043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548591925639032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834029405613765,0.0,0.0,0.1206604418419706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769609353844846,0.18042067583861493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597307542889683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463895722751491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819104976254926,0.2058607084299881,0.0,0.0,0.13719732459111464,0.0,0.08919122576679447,0.12338242463804895,0.0,0.11150246197299717,0.3352461701134635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428903165474091,0.0,0.0,0.13754965926256246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936307444118391,0.09739047373286797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116353304902695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556668888435809,0.09603724500559524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193699664621425,0.1423552256547568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178901532850354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078375057883872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699174859666237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381235167343466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625634908433155,0.0,0.0,0.08389099005879683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089456374913985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735010590945962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447981479885059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940318553642656,0.0,0.30687403115152423,0.08131646655952965
suicidewatch,MaxiusHay,2019/02/10,"Beachy Head Suicide Spot Anyone live relatively near Beachy Head in the south east? I've thought about going there a lot recently. My foot is currently broken and I just had surgery so I'm going to have to wait, but I think it looks like a beautiful place to die. Apparently the success rate is really high, the only problem is the do-gooding chaplaincy team that patrols the area constantly. ",6.258493150684931,7.625175671232878,6.430027397260279,74.96668493150689,66.26027397260273,10.223561643835618,33.77808219178082,10.355215969177356,3.7103665753424657,316,14,55,8,5,101,58,73,0.159,0.6829999999999999,0.158,0.2382,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,7,0,5,3,3,0,0,8,12,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,6,10,1,12,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,4,29,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616371209331309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24980906284250454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23991452235097385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627547084656059,0.1938916476145512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744874204716584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442402944649559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293636553245308,0.0,0.20412441788354185,0.0,0.1941217944481391,0.0,0.0,0.1965296488519222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581268059043986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415199843367787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221195297648974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480912976696424,0.0,0.22824921312265084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528588333435548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481222775437176,0.0,0.18352052619353676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadnietzsche,2019/02/10,"I want to kill myself I've tried everything, I can't get over my past. I simply want this suffering to end. I don't want to life this way, even a therapist can't help me. ",-0.3189473684210533,1.5094910526315817,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,85.84210526315789,6.957894736842108,17.394736842105264,8.07648339933343,0.4252421052631581,132,3,33,3,4,46,26,38,0.282,0.614,0.104,-0.8652,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,4,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,18,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26759710679644183,0.0,0.0,0.19955372003697036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715345604458927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578502212931894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202511070486432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33426158572843123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340303802985447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884168446228809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35079569719540604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051261339069457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346115140810066,0.23981637587638446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,estymj92,2019/02/10,Near death this morning and now I feel numb and suicidal. I almost died this morning on my bike by a drunk driver. Couldn’t sleep all morning and I wanted to but couldn’t. Then suicidal thoughts set in. I previously have struggled with depression in my childhood into my early teens and shook it off. These thoughts came over me again. I took a knife to my skin to feel something but it just made me feel like a coward. It feels as if we are stuck in another dimension. It also feels like I need a constant reminder of my existence. After giving up on sleep my house mate gets up. He’s in tune with emotions and picked up on something. He tried to hug me and I told him to stop cause I didn’t want one. (I felt like crying) I told him what happen. (Just the almost dying part). He said “well I’m glad you didn’t die.” I responded like an idiot and said “I’m not.” So my question to you all is what the fuck is going on? I recently logged out of fb and ig a couple days ago cause it wasn’t supporting my mental health and was taking up too much time. Also do you think that me doing that a couple days ago has something to do with the brain (27m) maturing and becoming okay with death? C’mon I’m 27 and I feel like I’m too old for this shit. It was real and I want to sleep tonight I’m concerned something in my brain has been rewired in a way I’m uncomfortable with. Is this normal? Is anyone else my age finding themselves growing distant to themselves and others? Is it gender related? Did a part of me die already? First thoughts for I am already lost. ,0.8630520142784306,3.2221192861635224,2.456231514533404,92.76054309026009,85.69811320754721,5.198844127146013,21.17321094679585,6.643151254067905,0.4128967193608708,1215,40,256,14,37,396,164,318,0.204,0.6829999999999999,0.113,-0.99,0,0,4,0,0,0,32.0,1,3,0,2,10,18,3,2,12,1,22,12,7,4,2,58,59,21,8,8,6,0,8,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,17,22,1,1,13,2,0,5,6,8,1,2,20,10,36,10,41,37,5,44,0,2,0,2,17,19,2,4,23,163,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545628547096442,0.0,0.16431288534061894,0.0,0.1810778946777788,0.131223075562931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603157336699192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736792983306495,0.08406502993845788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906125064152829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317921293702666,0.0,0.09383788172012672,0.0,0.16856609549099252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866174246410417,0.0,0.0,0.18156296461734228,0.09012282847687512,0.10582476698429458,0.0,0.07066543313788412,0.0,0.34059996626289485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853825870947107,0.09228983653369377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489071894189365,0.17583937805635835,0.0787762835993623,0.0,0.07498785040814704,0.06978762752634776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584948959909484,0.0428652444182142,0.07870525705078205,0.04662819280478983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255232260491565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721023888465987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094669175477247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004157663804055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956205631961944,0.0,0.0,0.07763317683822947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268229080608462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060312681530628326,0.06083549566517365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038690186358856,0.0,0.0,0.08609266344559037,0.0,0.0555959686469119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769396953651934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190943032015968,0.0,0.0,0.09338542944627658,0.0,0.0,0.08100976290149074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560875966427197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421824571308673,0.0,0.0,0.2463134349615089,0.0,0.0,0.25264969410449056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859348287811844,0.0,0.08577148439379922,0.0,0.17948832205350684,0.09310395045646874,0.0,0.0,0.061687799477584564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257126813312368,0.0,0.19540423527996656,0.04784123121038302,0.0,0.0,0.1567954592852085,0.09115526518726776,0.0557033230264083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517720046340318,0.06512368169784173,0.0,0.0,0.0737685116247148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trappedinthailandKOP,2019/02/10,"Everything was getting better, but now back to step -1. Killing myself tonight Did everything right to get better mentally. Things were actually awesome. Now I'm starting to believe in fate. My fate is to be miserable. Living abroad and was robbed at gunpoint of everything I had of value. Rent was due 10 days ago. Haven't eaten in about a week now. Losing my mind and I'd rather die before I'm back to being in the street like a fucking animal. Just getting hyped up to go through with it. Have an alarm set. Not going to bitch out this time I promise",1.0466666666666669,3.6619576481481495,2.448055555555559,89.53375000000004,92.88888888888887,5.292592592592593,22.490740740740733,6.9077264865688965,1.0362851851851853,438,17,83,7,16,141,80,108,0.165,0.6509999999999999,0.184,0.1551,1,0,0,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,3,2,4,0,11,2,0,0,0,9,21,3,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,6,0,0,7,0,5,4,18,12,0,24,0,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,13,52,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.17590713335301744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978904706507355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772166433194869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533874392571419,0.20309057134929093,0.0,0.3188495118989798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625237518992837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708075716125772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.486016470716729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664687433986364,0.2825342281615668,0.0,0.204891097569824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994302750082544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880656184036378,0.0,0.15917231803454013,0.0,0.0,0.20166411610491036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816590381678465,0.0,0.18201056817597352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539405091481976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758850331883467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975630953426852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051106828525871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459318610545774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deletedhuman2019,2019/02/10,"About to kill myself and leave a mess behind. Ama I probably can't respond to to much answers cause I don't want to wait this long, My ""Parents"" are some absolute fucktards on Earth and on more than one occasion I just watched them sleep with a knife in my hand, I always get to hear that I'm a lazy piece of shit, ( I don't do the take they gave me = screaming why I didn't do it | I do the task they gave me = screaming that I did it wrong) that my sister is better in everything (yeah fucktards, treat her the same way you treat me and see that she is going to fail in everything) I don't have any motivation to do anything, had a schooling (hope that's the right word) as an electrician which hat me clean the toilet of the company (I quit) and I just don't care anymore over anything

With a bit of luck I'm either going to shit and piss myself while hanging or I'll run my arm in a chainsaw, I have painkillers so it shouldn't be that bad for me ",3.0126600985221685,3.621598320197048,4.190123152709361,90.84754926108377,73.18719211822659,7.376354679802955,25.83004926108375,7.447530270364453,1.0108285714285716,741,23,172,8,14,243,118,203,0.171,0.733,0.097,-0.9237,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,3,4,4,16,4,0,13,1,19,6,6,2,0,22,33,9,1,3,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,11,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,7,10,0,1,5,6,29,6,25,26,7,15,0,1,2,0,12,8,3,4,2,114,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969657807886535,0.0,0.0,0.11416985280912426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650015602707402,0.0,0.0,0.27631565684175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017978124728978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484836252566539,0.18329062387003647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117338849282035,0.17246760912060674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017744936649123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771474711621212,0.0,0.1908296661255111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922240149325134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675103908269098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574361329766748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776954900280334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857592960971758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123417273834831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376550855435197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642017328418767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810120650101347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856995365123232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337575576669784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991199963181888,0.13378529908060566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446700106604537,0.0,0.0,0.1680096229646431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623116477629912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902491399517184,0.13326197829810155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149314596217595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355958358337107,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Odd_Sell,2019/02/10,"I'm in a bad way right now. Need someone to talk to. Killing myself is so damn hard. living in a country where guns are illegal, medication is heavily restricted. the only ways are horribly painful and hard to do, like hanging, or drinking bleach. I'm a mess. I have dissociative identity disorder, and no one seems to know anything about it besides what is in movies, ,and it's nothing like that at all. I can't have friends because of trauma and ptsd and agoraphobia and anxiety and the inability to remain consistently me for more than 12 seconds, and i just cant kill myself. i cant even communicate to my therapist, i sit there frozen and the silence is unbearable. i want to cry at the silence, but im frozen. I;m such a mess guys. three days a week I have class and class related work placement in the medical field and it's more than i am able to do it drives me to suicide attempts from the stress of it. but none of it is paid, so i have no income, and no options. being unable to work is killing me.. I need to be free. i just want to be free of this petrifying stress and pressure. I've been through a lot of shit in my life and im only 22. and I'm relying on money from my horrifically abusive family just to not be homeless. it's ironic, since my therapy is literally being paid for by a rapist and pedophile. forget help from the government, i cant get any. ive tried so hard. I've really, really tried. what options do i have besides trying to kill myself? but I cant seem to get it done. I dont know what to do. I need help. I need someone to take over for a while. I need to be in a home, with a carer.",1.7253602472474403,3.634545041916169,3.9801989569248586,85.71655881784818,79.11976047904191,7.423449874444659,25.74425342862661,8.360895534625662,1.740726598416071,1260,50,269,26,31,435,162,334,0.257,0.6629999999999999,0.08,-0.9959,1,0,1,1,0,4,45.0,0,0,0,3,12,20,7,3,17,0,34,7,1,0,1,42,53,24,5,7,8,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,1,1,13,17,1,1,4,1,5,2,11,15,0,3,4,3,29,7,45,43,5,21,0,0,0,1,5,12,2,6,6,181,42,5,0.09561720551484884,0.11329075309394353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502297860378628,0.0,0.07314690050305891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868481302481098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983637267155623,0.05828736099503661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050310104199865,0.06166518734302756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958560140621283,0.0,0.0,0.0978495988263732,0.11206265274361496,0.0936684595542288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315426245521517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013939164603188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387361579203862,0.0,0.09991208685377537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467606637533657,0.0,0.0,0.2569627050243795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281803946648278,0.0,0.09591185328179701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065659799017651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231450841383222,0.0,0.10509743109001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675372599918499,0.09342747360589644,0.0,0.08443174425802394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129032882509757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264855023199706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544947316402429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174728750179086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479269304959033,0.1454423869406809,0.10174344818204256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117713964295461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250966054257915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165657106614597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409262553925606,0.0,0.0,0.09814968740482767,0.07909554048282108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203229588634294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905837172088816,0.0,0.0,0.10458970353280143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189223883911634,0.07685348787746386,0.0,0.0,0.10934660762831967,0.1110189452982107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947534181991119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127950103380575,0.15179297424623098,0.07669835472308507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922092882046275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notfriendlyta,2019/02/10,"Anyone else wants to kill themselves not because of their life but... because of the state the world is in? Like I have supper happy life, many friends, no illnesses, middle class etc. but when I think about how fucked up this world is I just feel like I wouldn't be so frustrated if I was dead.",4.49758620689655,5.4753444482758615,4.102931034482761,91.47267241379312,70.0344827586207,7.179310344827586,24.84482758620689,7.1686216300943375,0.7957793103448272,230,6,49,2,4,69,46,58,0.324,0.552,0.124,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,3,0,2,0,6,5,0,1,0,10,10,6,2,3,5,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,6,4,6,7,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,3,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504501926879768,0.271158731543214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226486706031404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107584220747065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951476664780065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338117998336837,0.18906150291829832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446305615018395,0.2446588242810069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817181259111801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927890295142833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37385132523678,0.25858307566300154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683071612158218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957298882819505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609370331305936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Derpliiine,2019/02/10,you fucked my old best friend last night not a world I wanna live in,-0.7240000000000002,1.4216889333333356,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,93.0,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.673,54,0,14,0,2,16,15,15,0.202,0.459,0.339,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291897858011858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159699453598772,0.3780870578550824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333659129757092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611288459867431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837915368433949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42914622098445226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wait_what_an_actual,2019/02/10,"melatonin doesn't work I know, this is more of a support group than actually assisting people to do it. not that i want yo to do it, i just want to share a story how bad the effects were, maybe stop people from trying

welp, not really that bad, but it really messed up my whole week. my sleeping pattern as well.

so i bought 30 tablets of melatonin, and chugged like 5 or so every now and then. i thought that 3 milligram's too much(and it is, the recommended was around 1 mg.)

woke up real tired, real sleepy, people can wake me up, sure, but god i was so doozy. 

same thing, even if i increased it, 10 tablets tops.

even coffee doesnt work. it's weird you're feeling hyped, but your body wants to fricking sleep. missed a lot of reviews, lowered productivity too.

sigh. dont do it.",2.4077747252747272,4.347195583333335,3.3544322344322346,90.8596153846154,77.14102564102564,5.995604395604397,24.60439560439561,6.868970318607317,0.7742395604395602,605,21,129,6,14,193,106,156,0.125,0.7,0.175,0.8119,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,4,12,11,0,0,5,0,12,5,4,2,1,25,22,13,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,4,0,1,1,5,5,2,0,6,1,11,5,14,16,5,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,5,79,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.1514864148463924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819155796125626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592285366556317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243046118826186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193360064080968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050617593459862,0.0,0.1307917059364619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849119415440095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853127852508168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583970330768126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319747646369014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559538539806883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411517056725748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228600323029681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35338154229958074,0.19889430698011654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106930851058872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978293784639147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615819620671294,0.14630661701626782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313086024870964,0.0,0.0,0.12323880082175916,0.0,0.17841914609150689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539399089880593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746838736550799,0.0,0.12451969943922267,0.0,0.1395743991630038,0.0,0.0,0.1733137019326931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260250337176481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chiujjjj,2019/02/10,"had 3rd suicide attempt and after that had been angry for no reason hello, i'm new on this subreddit. i don't know if it's a good idea to post here about my problems but i'll try
so, i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder abouuut i guess two weeks ago. since then the thought that my whole existence, the way i act, and simply myself is a disease terrorized me. got into abusing all kinds of drugs for 6 days straight (weed, alcohol, dxm, valium, gabapentin)
after all that mess a girl that understood me and was always by my side and very close to me got into some trouble with her parents. her father pushed me extremely hard out of her house and he pushed her back in the house. and in that moment i thought that i was going to lose her, i cried for like a hour straight went home and cut myself so deep i almost hit a vein. i lost a lot of blood, after that incident i always seem to be angry and irritable for no fucking aparent reason and it's extremely frustrating it makes me scream at my parents and act rude with my friends i seriously dont know what to do and i don't know if it has any corelation with the fact that i tried to killed myself ugh please help",4.122233804914373,5.273782181434601,5.132290891039961,83.09736411020106,71.06751054852322,8.6144452717796,27.865227103499628,9.007467420416297,2.1100153387937457,935,33,190,18,17,307,139,237,0.279,0.647,0.07400000000000001,-0.9956,3,0,2,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,3,7,18,5,1,10,0,13,6,2,3,3,41,30,17,2,3,3,3,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,2,14,19,1,0,10,0,0,6,5,14,0,1,13,2,31,4,29,15,5,31,0,2,0,1,14,12,1,7,12,124,45,0,0.0,0.14608790421387904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092961897814865,0.13176800700417127,0.12346508259566966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051875365756836,0.0,0.0,0.08384683136578823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480850976755073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354370040862778,0.07951697500350281,0.0,0.0,0.12514481981707695,0.0,0.0,0.14131012818121155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445042744696663,0.0,0.14298647288539135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525968724747738,0.11398696430628147,0.0,0.0,0.07007306413001119,0.10341646729688526,0.19722526184068406,0.0,0.1358265882832235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045074145640234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264401421343202,0.0,0.12367789296614562,0.0,0.12142364035773337,0.2845385508344628,0.0,0.1391883731880752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641090916950946,0.12839583718906805,0.20328397985144495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023714840947843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793886321220653,0.1345942730908431,0.1048235045367568,0.0,0.0,0.08230233639795233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190819245920047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738155554719455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765901064819608,0.0,0.1353441190604895,0.0,0.0,0.11808534959458268,0.0,0.0,0.1179794825974916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535416475214568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122458193169217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101993335080205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486794088823767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576959326407545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742242372658608,0.0,0.12044417737711555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173371827863867,0.0,0.09786817051006376,0.098902175086231,0.0,0.0,0.11429843123724664,0.0,0.13765775351679624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unkn0wnorigins,2019/02/10,"I don't want to feel happiness anymore. I've never truly expirenced true happiness. Hi, I'm 18 and I'm what everyone would call the black sheep. My mom's side of the family always shut me out and told me I'm not gonna be shit. I've always had suicidal thoughts since I was about 10. And even as I type this out still want to kill myself. I've never been one with the ladies so I took my loneliness and did drugs. I loved methamphetamines and heroin. I've overdosed 2 times on heroin and idk if i thank the doctors or hate them. I just hate life. I have some Xanax right now and I just wanted to post something as an outcry before I actually did anything. I don't think anyone out there thinks that a junkie like me matters...",1.5307999999999993,3.6622998133333335,2.8633333333333333,92.345,80.86666666666667,5.866666666666667,20.0,7.03164865440522,0.3156000000000003,572,15,123,7,15,185,101,150,0.231,0.653,0.116,-0.9511,0,0,3,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,4,0,6,0,10,6,1,0,3,29,27,12,2,5,5,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,8,2,18,6,12,16,1,14,0,0,1,1,6,7,1,3,6,70,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.14882142568607115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25379027223382283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512425018071291,0.10663399923106202,0.0,0.12549739359532794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976925356843086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557231333918275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560938033763186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685565353991434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072712926274148,0.0,0.0,0.14572363804573135,0.0,0.0,0.14376673562506256,0.0,0.07711035626333161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32468564180213505,0.0,0.30113128406772083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687225372045127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771773832486073,0.07450551114634528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764037081993696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861026633452548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524021504808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334032437977236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605620555993773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302371632439627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654266024141258,0.1261524784011093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174046517159592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178949911867484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681408629815034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040474140374354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954361812251563,0.0,0.12107075117417855,0.08892602237776252,0.0,0.0,0.14572363804573135,0.16943700960050925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26985156214682937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833411710691958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icymoons,2019/02/10,"The Christian religion is a mind fuck. So I am supposed to live up to some degree of cultural standards... Have a job, earn money, raise and provide for a family ... basically function. If I fail I'm supposed to pull myself up by the boot straps, accept help if needed and try again and again... But even if I prove again and again that I am not meant for this world, that I can't function normally, that I am of no value to society, family or anywhere really... I can not take my own life or I will go to hell. Seems like a big fat catch 22. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm so tired, seems like hell is kind of a sweet deal since I won't be the one torturing myself anymore. ",2.9131468531468565,3.593667482517485,4.675111888111889,87.01420629370632,73.47552447552448,8.237482517482517,24.789510489510487,8.548686976883017,1.39596,522,15,118,9,10,178,86,143,0.203,0.698,0.1,-0.958,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,7,12,6,0,8,0,13,4,1,0,1,25,22,15,0,7,10,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,5,0,1,3,6,7,0,1,1,1,14,5,13,18,2,11,3,1,0,1,3,4,5,10,6,78,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283363392392932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125159592680552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174666974931055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046269588886235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840179149082668,0.0,0.0,0.1219667664917336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438473300497808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296549035824255,0.0,0.0,0.2234813802903585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158409449602456,0.2096934194444676,0.0,0.18950294254781647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669306993859544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912923593815334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102704372360545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542404751193982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748348661615248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39074242875692905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775260927702566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613586326575059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466605168964366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570485759159954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChilliThompson,2019/02/10,"My struggle with Body Dysmorphia and am thinking of ending myself Hi there! I just feel like talking about my story and my struggle with mental health. March 1st 2002 is the day I born. I was a cute, chubby, happy little baby boy. I enjoyed playing with dolls, playing tag with my school mates, playing my older sibling’s video games and I generally had a love for life. You would’ve never thought that I would ever end up hating life so much that I would want to resort to suicide. However, that unfortunately is the case. As I grew a bit older, I began to learn that I had some interests that weren’t particularly socially acceptable, particularly my interest in dolls. My extended family never failed to remind me that. I also began to understand that being chubby wasn’t a good look on me anymore. Not that it was necessarily an issue as I began losing weight at the age of 7 since I wasn’t able to finish my food. When I finally reached a skinnier weight, my mom began to get worried and would force me to finish my food, to the point where I felt like puking afterwards because it was too much for me. I gained a lot of weight and became slightly overweight, but I honestly enjoyed it. However, since kindergarten, I started to get bullied because of my chubby appearance and I became a very quiet and reserved person. It literally continued until year 10 of high school, in four different schools. I developed a pretty severe social anxiety disorder. I was so scared of getting judged by my peers to the point where I would literally hide in the school bathroom during all the breaks and lunch time EVERYDAY. I was and am very lonely and struggle with making friends. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered that I probably had body dysmorphia because I was so embarrassed of how I looked and would cry just by looking in the mirror. This was because, ever since a young age, my parents made a huge deal about my weight. I am constantly being told that I need to lose weight and would be told how unattractive overweight people are. Even while I was in middle school and I was a completely normal weight, they would point out the little bit of belly I had. My mom would take me to the gym since the age of 8 to lose weight. Of course, I bought into this idea of beauty. Also, a lot of horrible, loud, screeching, sometimes physical fights between my parents would occur since I was 7 years old, up until I moved out at 15 have caused me a lot of emotional stress. I resorted to binging food for comfort. My weight has been fluctuating a lot since I was 14, I would literally eat two oranges a day to lose weight because I was that desperate to be ‘attractive’. Of course, such a shitty diet didn’t last and I would binge until I gained the weight back and more. My family would literally applaud me for being able to lose weight so quickly after binging so I continued doing it. It wasn’t until late 2018 that I started to realise I developed a ton of stretch marks on my upper arms, waist, butt, hips and calves (P.s., please don't tell me how to fade them because they're white but still very visible and I've tried everything and can't afford laser). Because of my body dysmorphia, anything I view as bad regarding my appearance makes me extremely depressed. I’ve had other parts of my appearance that have made me depressed before, the fact that I am Asian (ridiculous right?), my dark eyes, my triple eyelids, my moles, my scars on my nose, my belly fat etc. I would never really get over an insecurity, I would just get a new one and kind of forget the previous one. Nonetheless, I have stayed miserable for such a long time because of my appearance and I’ve been depressed about my stretch marks for around 5 months. I’ve been suicidal over these shits and this is kind of why I decided to write this down as I want my story to be out there in case I’ll be dead soon. I told my parents before that I struggle with social anxiety and BDD, but they never wanted to take me to therapy. They told me its a waste of money and time. By the way, I’ve been looking at my older photos and I realise now that I was never very fat and I actually looked good. I wish I could tell my past self that I was never ugly and that I just have a distorted image of myself. I hate that I didn’t take a lot of photos of myself and didn’t participate in group photos with peers because of how I look because I looked just fine. Unfortunately, it’s too late now and I regret many things. I might end my life soon as I am no longer afraid of death and I believe that nothing happens after I die. It’s better than suffering all my life and literally expressing that I’m suicidal to friends and family and them telling me I’m overreacting.",5.901635763369032,6.4652863588621425,6.556244385581023,76.61781047257094,66.70240700218818,9.608783446581443,31.24296518100503,9.594106085396248,2.8482329686360317,3748,139,692,73,57,1231,369,914,0.185,0.7190000000000001,0.096,-0.9986,8,2,0,0,1,3,90.0,0,1,5,9,39,52,5,10,39,0,71,37,12,9,11,118,121,58,6,22,9,5,13,2,3,15,9,2,0,3,39,44,22,0,9,6,2,6,18,28,0,4,44,26,127,24,107,54,17,113,0,13,10,2,36,37,2,11,69,481,166,7,0.07162022478658303,0.0,0.034945504025037155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727466788615593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478927592856022,0.0,0.035514009029899984,0.0,0.0,0.029468671280358988,0.031878592214741035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027535766004119937,0.029899948059004467,0.21829512137504106,0.0,0.06094353621457215,0.04034573381564348,0.0,0.03167113433394997,0.07819073599135856,0.11933088617095065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036786849777357085,0.0,0.0,0.03754622152846668,0.038698009721652576,0.0,0.0285914608506776,0.0,0.03933572695069612,0.046189119993979885,0.036918653460725,0.0925295919938108,0.0,0.03716524297662081,0.03741394565708997,0.041041491245354465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03664268498269686,0.0,0.04028155653309599,0.09515139172793144,0.0,0.03993774129422956,0.02365224150255549,0.0647845936547155,0.0,0.0,0.03218381996971372,0.0,0.10127576083802348,0.0,0.018106668799535017,0.02558275144896624,0.03438332367309384,0.039228227742385546,0.0,0.0,0.1299051901506892,0.0,0.05533360800846493,0.0,0.09354652858805776,0.0,0.0,0.06007164655243628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03166676412467535,0.038120530528993016,0.0,0.07071014439581502,0.0,0.03806447491771965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037835349855113325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040425258070164616,0.0,0.03737645357931189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458144289809976,0.0,0.029190021112565436,0.0807907331166776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117496565688748,0.034990024153434045,0.07178228054431361,0.0,0.031690822589543366,0.21050032782166894,0.20031177948045445,0.0,0.15222238487519402,0.032320024555079215,0.06776878839765384,0.047807056185203985,0.03630583334740722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360881706641146,0.037988870224145835,0.0,0.08388074166514721,0.02858329006392467,0.03806048225900152,0.05264910594682103,0.026552744591339102,0.16571379780665588,0.034585629696375374,0.0,0.0,0.035086306938645305,0.034360768645435295,0.0,0.037576689047469004,0.0,0.0485317178613748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928867591499948,0.038778862051956964,0.034184804278073994,0.024826223019860646,0.031268008881396935,0.0,0.03930874983290717,0.10155639318868448,0.0,0.0,0.036431758271771086,0.038609357880994746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02294087496947639,0.0,0.03535816582422649,0.0,0.0,0.030581640320741038,0.0,0.0,0.035852169630301314,0.1812087277633412,0.0,0.0,0.03735775712151911,0.04045523406117524,0.03675856576657102,0.1777349701393293,0.0,0.0,0.10951169973350676,0.0,0.0,0.03541711681916823,0.0,0.050693163731217405,0.038168815124183485,0.02859800201509055,0.0,0.041020362756775126,0.14974601872980914,0.0,0.11751135222548488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077424368884048,0.028782811878779038,0.09389884987899667,0.0,0.04095198440396991,0.0,0.02379064746882585,0.022945674072657414,0.0,0.02842922921190315,0.0626434935414712,0.0,0.0,0.13687238800177093,0.0,0.024312715677531682,0.0,0.03498127639540314,0.037279589912859935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818837225130335,0.06336519629274856,0.028424400394264807,0.0,0.4796777655403975,0.0,0.0,0.03231305652827033,0.0,0.04117986196934882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03636690739960877,0.0,0.3815771460281442,0.0,0.0,0.0461210766012524
suicidewatch,asdfjaii,2019/02/10,"i thought its going to feel something but i feel nothing i came here bc i need to voice out what i feel  ( or not feel )

im not even sure if i dont feel it or i just became to numb of the reality that my life is going nowhere. i cant cry, i want to. i wanna feel that i have something to look forward to but i see nothing. its like i became mentally blind. im too scared to die but im even scared to live. i feel like a ghost in my own life. i dont want to be alone but id rather be. if this is stress this is too much. i dont have anything to believe in. i know i can do something about it. i know i can be better. but i also know i cant be. im so tired. i feel so dead already that i just want it to be over with. thank you for hearing me out. i have so much to say but its getting too hard.",-2.547803030303033,-0.8894851497326179,0.7000868983957211,103.92111073975045,95.68449197860964,3.544474153297683,15.813057040998215,4.7782277997778095,-1.2451745098039215,595,15,167,2,24,210,83,187,0.27,0.674,0.056,-0.9926,0,1,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,14,9,0,3,2,0,19,5,0,0,1,37,43,14,3,8,15,0,9,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,12,4,0,0,12,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,2,15,29,5,22,36,3,9,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,4,3,112,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579327033519577,0.11272152467602466,0.0816867524136614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840581060940595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508445498791182,0.0,0.0903405363830149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682871748297595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220345423284693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601224288054276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591458373498689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349339850900741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41318789638832215,0.07297368839661379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05336748270714795,0.0,0.1161047513877142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915034616838743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151268580426614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413442540311011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841161603812796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429859962701838,0.09980752557660733,0.0,0.09019748848242913,0.0,0.08577757869670448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293994084648518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501792901122398,0.07574055174434921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960252030906124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812312286276677,0.20453351627663705,0.0,0.0813977679910019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591277206199135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700880476833656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962721423146645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404304193823704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109314269826758,0.0,0.11740271065301565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074647282101272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsovernow14,2019/02/10,"Tomorrow i’m taking my letter out of my drawer and leaving it on my desk. After 19 years of torture, of nothing going right, of suffering abuse at the hands of my supposed protectors, of losing everyone I loved due to my own mental illnesses and my inability to overcome them despite medication and therapy since age 13, I have decided that tomorrow is the night. 

I have had my suicide letter sitting in the drawer of my desk for months waiting for me to finally build up the courage to take it out and leave it for someone to find. I’ve exhausted all other options. I’m not going to leave behind a body to find i’ll be going into the immense woods three hours drive from here, i’ll hitchhike so as not to leave my car nearby and as the sun sets i’ll put the gun to my head and pull the trigger.

My letter reads:

Some people just aren’t cut out for life. I destroy everything I love, which in turn, destroys me.

There is nobody to blame for this except for me so please throw away any guilt or regrets you have. Make that my final wish, try to honour it hard as it may be.
This will be my final act of inflicting pain, and it will be a big one. For how much it hurts i’m eternally sorry, but after this you won’t ever have to worry about me hurting anyone or myself ever again. 
I’m not deluded enough to believe that i’m not loved, I know I am and i’m so grateful for that it only makes this so much harder, I know my decision is selfish please forgive me. 
Other than being loved I have no idea why I continue to insist on living this life. I can’t do anything right and never have been able to and it’s just getting so hard to carry on. I’m tired. 
I love so many it’s hard to address individuals but if I could have written every single one of you a letter know that I would have. 
Instead i’ll simply say that if I ever told you I loved you, in that moment I truly meant it and I likely still do now.
Don’t try and find me it’s a cliche, I know but you won’t find me, I don’t want you to go through the pain of seeing me in whatever state i’ll be in just know that i’ll be at peace, try to find your peace to, live for me the way I couldn’t.
I love you, forgive me.




Im posting this here (on a throwaway for obvious reasons) because I want to be able to say good by to a community that has helped me tremendously over the years, you all deserve to live and be happy please don’t be like me.",2.625108175577285,3.695490227272728,4.458098606199293,86.81710214270859,74.59288537549406,7.144497607655502,24.77824006656959,7.573540080772713,1.1132577075098815,1869,58,403,23,38,637,227,506,0.12,0.722,0.158,0.9899,1,0,0,1,1,1,42.0,0,10,1,2,21,29,4,1,17,0,40,18,3,5,7,71,77,30,1,9,15,0,4,2,0,6,8,2,1,0,30,17,0,1,17,1,0,10,14,14,0,3,5,7,61,15,74,54,8,60,0,5,1,7,28,21,0,7,26,279,91,3,0.1361004805821557,0.08062840708728715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046276496940104765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758231025841846,0.0,0.05599954950330975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393544083039568,0.0,0.0,0.041482794861946365,0.0,0.0,0.07666931761400278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558847613485571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054332579573976574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031408919654628,0.0,0.0,0.18466601487918455,0.05733526242803048,0.06502492082710573,0.061159168068796524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363713590822615,0.31098343395997824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355534418819979,0.0,0.1546980791032898,0.0570773129343737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244074617892884,0.18287894661425605,0.0,0.06983917903344515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561264162960785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701577900967358,0.0,0.14569837936029054,0.07682043818491016,0.07350593699422704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869931619822295,0.0,0.0,0.28822151515691824,0.0,0.0,0.09613179440456797,0.06649182011162479,0.0,0.1802688267456562,0.0,0.0,0.0761308123083799,0.0,0.0,0.4299259910502512,0.0,0.09084812762614072,0.06899226274759536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855345784488183,0.06857863662607447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543170525631759,0.0,0.10004951314988804,0.0,0.052484540476721936,0.0,0.0,0.06386054066347542,0.0,0.0652960408844191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222520795059112,0.05175527420263421,0.14482050713677502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717746829350625,0.0,0.0,0.22409618620792,0.0,0.0,0.06517331937500742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840928709502107,0.0,0.0,0.0680686556525449,0.0,0.0,0.06996698077074386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162290667767691,0.0,0.10823256483222683,0.0,0.0,0.054227231017677784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629186198055936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057658747767253736,0.0,0.0,0.07617667265063045,0.0,0.0,0.0543450098005337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443591787750424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233062348398547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778213804100958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782137406198464,0.0,0.06502492082710573,0.0,0.13860493866765666,0.07401912031827627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027558968921576,0.054015113265097926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061404757324914475,0.0,0.07825441795297394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910832225286083,0.0,0.04834093824600474,0.0,0.0,0.08764424726537286
suicidewatch,throwawayaccpuntpun,2019/02/10,Should i take them with me I'm going to kill myself. But first should i kill the people who put me in this position?,-0.11893333333333088,2.051380040000001,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,88.6,4.933333333333334,12.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.9356666666666662,91,1,21,1,3,30,20,25,0.32,0.68,0.0,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30074936058535623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094391611173235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7823531803326228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451232823596872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35543893310031405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658432003838625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GDTheRealMudkip,2019/02/10,give me a good reason why i shouldn’t just hang myself right now the worst part is that i’ve cut myself before and i want to die at the age of 13,0.02901960784313573,1.303348176470589,2.0182352941176482,100.7787254901961,81.94117647058823,4.533333333333334,11.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.8653607843137248,114,0,30,0,3,38,30,34,0.264,0.627,0.11,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,3,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30976241689363004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778052999203664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492104074071322,0.0,0.30533079599035856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942086324398954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742831053791224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108793288584833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471411703092488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32848013453555314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PassRestProd,2019/02/10,"Can't Kill Myself - They Already Sent Me Back Once So, here's what's up: 

\- I am 19 Days Sober.  
\- I am a Sex Worker who, upon becoming sober, can't bring themselves to do Sex Work anymore.   
\- I can't do anything else because SW was the only way I wasn't going to contribute to The System - The System being that Roman-Imperialist-European-Colonizer BS. Come to find out, I'm just helping the Patriarchy by objectifying myself. 

I'm feeling completely stuck. I'm not making any money and I'm terrified I'm going to lose my place and have to move back in with my abusive, meth-head mom. I can't figure out any way to make a guaranteed 2000+ a month that doesn't either destroy the environment, contribute to the Military Industrial Complex, or enrich Pepsi (they committed genocide by hiring mercenaries to take out indigenous groups in South America in the 1970's). 

I wanted to be an actor, but then I had to face the reality that the most you could hope to achieve by being an actor is to be a walking billboard. Same with musician. Every time I write, instead of getting paid, my work gets stolen. 

I'm completely running out of options, and I don't want to become so desperate that I start contributing to these systems just to survive or avoid going back to live with my family. There's nowhere I can go that isn't going to force me to contribute to this bullshit. I wake up every morning keenly aware that I, as a caucasian american, am on land stolen through rape and murder and built on slave labor, which is just more rape and murder. I live in a country that kills people for their resources, because Gods Forbid we go Green. China has been buying up Green Energy Tech left and right, and, since we owe the most money to them, that's why we're digging our heels into the sand about the switch. If the Oil Industry had snatched up those patents, that would be different - but they didn't. 

I have an IQ of 176, and it's nothing but a burden. I've been off of psychiatric meds since I was 19, I'm turning 31 in May. I tried to join the Peace Corps, they require you to get a second job while you work for them or have your own money to support yourself. I came to the conclusion the Peace Corps isn't there to help people, it's basically a way for rich kids to pad their resumes. 

I'm sick of this world. Calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline didn't help - in fact, I think I might have fucked up the Operator, knowing what I know about the fact that Roman Occupation Forces killed Jesus, and we now worship the visage of a Roman Son of a Moneylender in His place; I'm not religious, but I was raised Catholic, and I can't, for the life of me, see why us dropping bombs on the Middle East makes us a Christian Nation. We culturally appropriated their religion and kill them for still adhering to it. Blows my fucking mind. 

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here, but I feel like no one wants to help me save the world, they'd be happier if I just disappeared. I ""give people a headache"" when I talk about this stuff. 

Why the fuck would God make me smart enough to be aware of this shit and then give me no way to fix it? That's fucked up. Why does everyone who SAYS they're down with the Revolution hopelessly part of the System? I'm a fucking tenderfoot who knows absolutely shit about going off of the grid, and it's the middle of fucking winter. I'd throw myself off of a bridge, if being cold wasn't worse to me than death. 

I'm completely hopeless and have no idea what to do with myself. Why can't I just die in my sleep, already?",4.763021276595744,5.562629954609932,5.675319148936173,81.09000000000003,69.31205673758865,8.780141843971633,29.184397163120565,8.962127807601751,2.2433546099290784,2798,100,555,49,47,921,329,705,0.195,0.715,0.09,-0.9984,3,1,1,0,0,4,89.0,7,4,11,9,22,31,17,1,46,0,51,18,6,4,3,89,109,33,10,10,19,2,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,31,31,0,4,12,2,7,16,20,23,0,2,15,10,69,8,95,80,8,79,3,3,4,10,42,39,8,12,15,353,100,11,0.0,0.07711909339816007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143653303685462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852466813092498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455018857161045,0.0,0.0,0.053562195315670094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014685217880244,0.0,0.07935455125417124,0.14377001593638342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646251883761617,0.07444377318351966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056067880724910174,0.20473180128214968,0.0,0.0,0.05196777947246736,0.0,0.0,0.0419766239719366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755146794130752,0.06800350941342162,0.0,0.0,0.05695928470910677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437299406415421,0.0,0.0,0.06725370136712022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967954392075467,0.062194741575940224,0.0,0.0,0.061359537061593465,0.0,0.06582128671700531,0.046499155553547535,0.0,0.0,0.0594896051037613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610389810359281,0.10201798488300404,0.12487742043696078,0.2589386057998451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679946144663809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450949098683904,0.0,0.0,0.0646474530363168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347686456035381,0.0,0.0,0.06459017923259,0.0,0.2880426193087077,0.0,0.14308349768699402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071872121130138,0.0,0.045973851518564327,0.03179889737776154,0.0,0.11494847361116545,0.0,0.05465785082900935,0.0728172543273952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173788010765575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229852308204228,0.0,0.0,0.06904849110463712,0.06572071466719835,0.07623073035000356,0.051952928267546064,0.06917865298948768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062454061259627235,0.0,0.0,0.06931700622349943,0.044105574465254364,0.04950265011138552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048437859940875,0.0,0.13537227318692618,0.0,0.13600701882684324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062336681146486266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055585125516834935,0.0,0.051760896547185874,0.0,0.0,0.05186701616278455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362458458893886,0.10768357005826487,0.0,0.06513539147944948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606989421254341,0.0,0.051979668679230207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451062905289349,0.07119612938351262,0.07386152844906367,0.0,0.0,0.04893836549077577,0.05231557870113007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04170600922711205,0.0,0.0,0.03795356096878085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419074119036569,0.07079747274301335,0.0,0.0,0.1565866270917087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517244831836294,0.20665652294450848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29366071998079235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215535936698398,0.0,0.06633062540534039,0.09247384305912032,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,konozoraaaaaaaa,2019/02/10,"Do or die I've been feeling like absolute shit for the past few years and nothing is really helping. came close to ending it on Christmas Eve 2018 but pussied out cause of the drop down from the upper floors of the building

january sucked this year too but I think I just need a plan to help me get my shit together. 

one thing that I've always thought about was that killing myself would be really selfish for my parents who have happily put up with my shit for 20ish years (cause kids aren't cheap to raise). I'll be going on an internship soon and I want to create a mutually beneficial situation where

-if I get my shit together and stop being a depressed low self esteem fuck then great! I'll have 70k for myself to put towards paying off student loans, etc. I want to believe there is a possibility of this happening because of the separation of work and school: at 5pm at work, you put everything behind u and go home, while that is not the case for school, and how this could create a better environment for me to get better. 

-if I don't get my shit together, I'll have more reason to believe that life isn't fucking worth living, and I'll be more likely to succeed this time since I'll be leaving my parents with 70k as my token of gratitude for putting up with my garbage",10.196941176470588,6.604430988235299,9.764411764705883,70.4748529411765,60.68627450980392,13.023529411764708,40.40196078431373,10.793553405168565,4.096913725490195,1022,38,202,18,10,333,148,255,0.196,0.655,0.149,-0.9553,2,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,6,7,18,9,0,12,0,19,8,5,4,0,33,36,16,2,7,7,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,11,13,0,1,4,0,4,7,4,12,0,1,4,1,19,6,39,25,4,34,0,2,0,2,8,15,8,3,13,126,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898769130636853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057867220957570076,0.0,0.0,0.21390267255620746,0.0,0.1679121839219548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857233022282442,0.0,0.19503438748335247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579227479405523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817613377598195,0.0,0.0985202653051958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407802206568332,0.0,0.10586980072948587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531515545170668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047998443466269435,0.0678165742539214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551879221969482,0.19838382481552666,0.0,0.10789952744232363,0.0,0.0,0.10465844291257187,0.0,0.0,0.08394450709988972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725645995758414,0.0,0.0952205128446355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050237549913564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051503374963576,0.0,0.0,0.0670504459302941,0.09275404077944667,0.0,0.08382315338016705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038790095803876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108596559339742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432566204971832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081259545725214,0.0,0.09061950675260357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701704431796973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817153926153464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162660094798278,0.09760178284681573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214438550655324,0.0,0.0,0.09903059547153734,0.0,0.4872110823867322,0.07852541339566889,0.10670303687599286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936404933338759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306593776032995,0.060826022277503326,0.0,0.0753622196454044,0.05535327373152029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111981974732045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821741304530638,0.0,0.0,0.0674341197136628,0.0,0.0,0.1833915375896375
suicidewatch,o11675059,2019/02/10,"Carbon monoxide detector Throwaway. First ever post on reddit. Longtime lurker. 

Been plagued with suicidal thoughts for 4 years now. Therapist, meds, the whole bit. Every night while I’m laying down and trying to fall asleep, I’ll lift my hand to the side of my head, pretending to hold a gun and think of what the moment would be like if I ever had the balls to go through with it.

Anyway, my carbon monoxide detector went off a few days ago and I kind of wish it malfunctioned instead because WOW that must be the perfect way to die—carbon monoxide and myself asleep, unbeknownst to it all. ",5.493175675675676,7.016417450450453,5.341970720720724,81.47619932432436,68.18918918918922,8.072522522522524,30.091216216216218,8.472884824447931,2.3232783783783777,471,18,83,7,8,146,80,111,0.058,0.794,0.14800000000000002,0.8702,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,7,0,6,4,4,0,5,17,12,6,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,6,4,16,4,4,19,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,11,55,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362743740875132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627772209575136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615594814451875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359567592961305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499070591503347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747610510984011,0.1745341980758261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620308622631167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772905554437385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259735441477973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157165643570632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120383172878733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300987822726173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943977890984468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839401707343612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265902811746235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405190298961153,0.0,0.13273441181805598,0.0,0.1644552696919587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406423714090109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442733631039955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203165334397732,0.0,0.2312774175227157,0.23821417230726025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715458748601906,0.0,0.0,0.1333988697760176
suicidewatch,snorelaxthehealer,2019/02/10,"exhausting times ive spent the last two days fighting the urge to cut, ive done it for years and ive been really trying to practice better coping mechanisms. im currently sitting in my bed with a new set of loose razors and a major part of me wants to cut an arterie, i know where they are because ive spent way too much time learning where they are. there is so little for me to live for. i spend all my time working or depression is making tired and dispondant. i know im way too exhausted for this bs, i know i want it to stop but ive tried so many times and fucked it up. idk why i feel the need to tell random people on redit but hey maybe it helps?",2.192422077922078,3.4199351642857145,3.702207792207794,91.1882467532468,75.92857142857143,6.8051948051948035,22.01298701298701,7.348242739294969,0.5772142857142852,513,13,116,6,11,170,89,140,0.16699999999999998,0.787,0.046,-0.9201,1,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,7,8,4,0,6,0,11,4,0,1,1,20,22,9,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,7,0,1,4,1,17,1,16,18,4,20,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,2,10,68,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886944204068032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344376368417952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459905135280226,0.0,0.13969390115934827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597655263019598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200807375579335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994192538759876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871245399276942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350385792542795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26740594001150875,0.13220639482807045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255686295505364,0.1432166305491697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826300058529388,0.16443507593159112,0.16294152863301056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922821948823505,0.1202617367652519,0.0,0.15664399136210766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563582868452807,0.0,0.11244203729748398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390298664807776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355979973780747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417610990314367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782968802302246,0.18641340152546995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023255658576504,0.0,0.15843594017579216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132758022869054,0.25747754595886024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635113462248578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807616023340413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444496150802822
suicidewatch,IndividualBite12,2019/02/10,"Feel absolutely betrayed by my doctor. Wall of text incoming. I've been on 4 anti-depressant before, over a year ago. None of them worked for me. Three of them had no positive benefit, but still the common side effects, while the other one gave me manager side effects, I had no positive effect after 3 months, so I quit that. 
My doctor has been trying to get me back on an antidepressant for some time. I his an extremely low point a month ago and was ready to end it all. I went in and asked to try another antidepressant. Two weeks in and nothing was really happening. For the third week however.... I had 4 ( well, 3 severe and one moderate) panic attacks inside a week. Typically get 1-2 a month, so something was up. Suicidal thoughts were just through the roof. I don't want to kill myself. I want to stop having these thoughts, being upset depressed and unmotivated all the time. I read that the medication I was on caused an increase in suicidal thoughts in 7% of study participants. I returned to my doctor and explained that I was having suicidal thoughts and wanted to switch medications, but she wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't even converse with me. Called an ambulance and had me taken to the hospital. I insisted that it wasn't nessecary. I told the paramedic I felt that this was not nessecary and did not feel I needed to go to the hospital. We had a conversation in the ambulance on the way and I asked him if they were going to cuff me. He let me read his report and said that he didn't think I was a danger to myself and that once we arrived I would be free to go if I wanted, but he recommended I wait and see a psychiatrist. I agreed to wait since my doctor wasn't going to help me. 
After getting triaged they took me to the mental health department. You'd think for people suffering with mental issues they would have at least that part of the hospital clean and nice. They locked me in a room with scratches and marks all over the wall, and multiple holes in the drywall, but not before taking ALL my belongings away. With some argument I was able to keep my jacket because it was chilly. 
Then they moved me to a common area and sat me next to a drug addict with open sores talking to a guy hearing voices about his HIV. all my stuff still taken away, mind you. And it was like a prison. Heavy duty doors, thick glass, tiny sliding doors to speak through to the staff. Keycards needed to get through any door. Orderlies everywhere. Crazy people yelling and screaming in rooms. Yeah, that's the environment they put people having suicidal thoughts in. If I were in a worse state like I was a few weeks ago... The experience would have only further reinforced my suicidal ideation. I spoke to a psych nurse who, at the end of the evaluation said I'm more depressed than I think I am overall she was quite nice and seemed to be the first person who was kind, caring and seemed actually genuinely concerned for my well being since the paramedic, a couple hours ago. Her shift was over shortly after. I was told it would be a few hours until I could see the psychiatrist. ( Canada. At least it's free.)
He was cold, and short with me. Seemed unconvinced the thoughts were caused by my medication. I cited the study to him and he said don't believe everything you read on the internet, leave it to us professionals. I told him i would like a note or letter diagnosing me with SOMETHING. Major depressive disorder, panic disorder, something. I need it to claim learning disability at uni. All he would give me was a generic hospital note saying I was there on that day. He wrote me a script for a new med and said to go back to my family doctor. I'm going to try to see her Monday, but I feel so massively betrayed by her for not even being willing to converse with me. If I tell her I'm still having suicidal thoughts will she send me back to the hospital again? 
I've been trying to get her to write me a letter diagnosing me with something for months, she has thus far refused. But with a this going on and  me being locked in what felt like jail the day before a midterm exam I'm going to need it to justify to the school. which I'm barely passing, by the way. I've already withdrawn from two courses. My teachers teach by homework and I am not motivated enough to hardly ever do it. I don't get how people do college. I commend those that do. I went from wanting to do a master's program, to wanting to a degree program, now I'm unsure if I can get my diploma. Im still a 1st year student. I don't want to kill myself but I feel useless, worthless and like a collosal failure. I have zero confidence, lock up when I talk to girls, and am addicted to prostitutes. I want to go to the British Virgin islands or the Netherlands and take psilocybin. I feel like I have a broken brain and that's my last hope. It's strongly recommended that someone you trust supervises you while on it... But the only person left that I trust that could physically restrain me if I did something dumb while under the influence would never agree to undertake such a thing with me. Sorry for the wall of text.
TL;DL: Went to the doctor to switch off a bad medication, got sent to prison inside a hospital for the rest of the day.",4.027533251231529,5.728382077832514,5.04108066502463,81.51836976600984,72.06403940886699,8.148891625615764,27.85991379310345,8.769984970463412,2.168970689655172,4119,154,786,78,80,1349,399,1015,0.159,0.741,0.1,-0.997,1,0,6,0,1,2,118.0,3,5,8,10,23,36,5,3,74,1,79,20,1,9,8,141,168,56,8,30,22,0,10,6,0,11,18,11,7,4,38,44,0,7,26,3,2,21,18,17,2,8,63,25,122,21,130,83,19,126,0,7,3,2,76,49,1,14,58,547,160,28,0.042828277070199344,0.0,0.04179422036727352,0.0933782873952914,0.0,0.0,0.15185873404945158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726206873953986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029124697051935218,0.04490918277437325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007731533641338,0.04872334805817816,0.08047715225624373,0.09879690430562993,0.03575982241528811,0.026107720184297675,0.0,0.10933112800524418,0.04825280209901249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047810521371977104,0.043732459377114466,0.0,0.043666282828107375,0.08799287628595101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838978854386246,0.04738867397132659,0.0,0.08286208684595366,0.0,0.14755172913469414,0.08693959939620484,0.0,0.0,0.0981698319807277,0.2630193382250193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966720432337025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586628275615884,0.04425305893362475,0.0,0.0565753461635313,0.03874062857513142,0.0,0.0,0.03849129384744775,0.04189427307670173,0.04037468800273554,0.0,0.1082763186621684,0.0305965296964448,0.08224372471623254,0.0,0.0,0.03642971059707608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566320496806173,0.04108478592062725,0.21906267153324013,0.0,0.03425368561060664,0.0,0.0,0.042406727751626336,0.03787290397062017,0.0,0.0383657239239681,0.0,0.0,0.0455244557850969,0.04827058092248122,0.0,0.02870689133881987,0.0,0.0,0.04253814274857905,0.08435445162940475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046261888605059434,0.04470159412557704,0.0,0.03806774050045728,0.09476628608203018,0.0445990599757717,0.0,0.03491076202620686,0.0,0.04534896150231374,0.046533048350619034,0.04379481500882769,0.0,0.12554239701998032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047572560881055416,0.17257993353982473,0.08632165993697824,0.0,0.043244350871509504,0.0,0.13674048860734345,0.04551968063410189,0.0,0.12702649908969815,0.033031807556069034,0.041363816874285135,0.04554835854036692,0.0,0.0,0.0410948869338764,0.0,0.0,0.04561071731600819,0.058043097894579176,0.06514566925592996,0.0,0.1004995105481641,0.0,0.04637885048189304,0.0,0.1187669389499419,0.07479199914808378,0.0,0.0,0.0404865651538688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04305424770505199,0.0,0.09110628900197054,0.1285196010306553,0.0,0.027436890971880776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629579962820955,0.0340587649273935,0.0,0.04334450288762892,0.1023857754876721,0.11696776478134728,0.0,0.048383762504927534,0.0,0.07085598673534473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036288260178567656,0.16485650044471545,0.0,0.04794274977739983,0.0,0.0,0.13681086956720814,0.035806357353987,0.0,0.0,0.049028130669863515,0.2810831028248698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440306862388832,0.1032712404081735,0.03743380189207948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028453204231360867,0.08232789184965192,0.0,0.2380060762013641,0.049947025551027965,0.0,0.0,0.12277276231820415,0.04758379168167255,0.11631035523489425,0.0,0.08367400701105941,0.0,0.05151714400878055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208981966719897,0.06799018569223549,0.13741704201546026,0.0,0.07701552911082439,0.11910672576666535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03117949578942318,0.0,0.04364567325660645,0.21296785459158976,0.0,0.0,0.05516001250597488
suicidewatch,depressedredditsmurf,2019/02/10,"Suicide is a safe haven The thought of suicide seems like such a sweet escape. Regardless of how I am feeling emotionally, it is always on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to go through with it. There’s nothing I really want to live for. I’m 18 years old and I really don’t care for living to see adulthood. All I see in the future is never ending misery anyways. Life only gets harder after college, as if college and university already isn’t difficult. Planning on killing myself very soon ",2.7867999999999995,5.230260080000001,4.3580000000000005,81.62900000000002,78.2,6.4,28.0,7.554174236665415,1.9382,408,18,72,6,10,136,74,100,0.162,0.653,0.185,-0.345,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,2,2,18,19,6,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,4,8,4,15,18,2,12,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,9,48,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024571493755739,0.0,0.15265679268956922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705383367635176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637237089814986,0.16249469976843334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276493985919963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585239775005906,0.0,0.10426685170590136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297579696322826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295860893619865,0.0896312712791379,0.0,0.3240042476620762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524639816958144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348671917753006,0.0,0.14149879120567227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760387110516724,0.0,0.1925146661812151,0.0,0.0,0.13953268279902165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506354596992965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923942010251696,0.1670187873561596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338416689632833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013598025735971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755635997680165,0.0,0.14564996837813268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137706119955102,0.21642370879448747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814483780877985
suicidewatch,sdpersona,2019/02/10,"Suicidal question Need Help Hi again so my mental state is questionable, off and on depression. I keep trying to find ways to kill myself one day and the next day I am completely fine. Do i need the attention of psychiatrist, or therapist , or the hospital. Ps I keep trying to abuse OTC drugs but doesn't really work. Also I am in school and this all feels like one big distraction at times",3.395142857142858,5.741100666666667,4.6365714285714335,80.90400000000002,75.66666666666666,9.619047619047619,24.04761904761905,9.957137785484203,2.653361904761905,310,10,59,10,7,102,58,75,0.173,0.7440000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.7433,0,0,1,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,16,10,8,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,7,2,8,10,1,12,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,4,6,36,8,2,0.0,0.2091513269148836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116567438940106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508139386770625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276859391437585,0.0,0.15203931903188087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047110655449969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925551928515739,0.12610833006340913,0.0,0.0,0.16133916124837328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831989326786192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138041621993289,0.19529695365263525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624040153910463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789403718256827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26177968274396085,0.0,0.0,0.18773460551385754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392336065499245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954931450351142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308539030155933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865107353082066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308791475135087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495723691197668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293219600990323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396955604651259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011603380211432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285111149935457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicide21019,2019/02/10,"Almost killed myself I had a loaded Ruger 9mm to my head. The cold barrel was so tempting. My wife would be fine with the kids. She tells me every day I don't do shit to help out any way. I hate myself. My life is a joke. I was thinking about my funeral today. The only people who would be there would be my wife's family who would feel obligated to be there and people who want the day off work. Paid day off work for everyone: Suicide-1 Living-0. 

Twelve pounds of force is all a trigger needs to be pulled. I put in about 7 lbs of force on mine. I was so close. I think I'll start saving the bullets and see how many times I get close.  This isn't the first time I've been close like this. I tried to hang myself before and the tree limb broke. I've also taken a handful of Oxy; ended up throwing up. 

There is a documentary I saw on the suicide forest in Japan at the base of Mt Fuji. I bet that view is amazing. I've always wanted to go to Japan. $900 for a one way ticket doesn't sound too bad. Maybe I'll go there to do it when I actually do it.",0.5564477372847421,2.338574859030839,2.625280336403684,94.61843311974371,82.34801762114537,5.184541449739688,16.92611133360032,6.11248444174946,-0.5183022026431718,811,15,190,6,22,273,134,227,0.08,0.83,0.091,-0.1613,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,0,3,12,10,3,0,15,0,24,4,3,2,1,24,39,8,3,7,0,2,2,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,3,2,2,6,3,5,0,2,8,7,23,5,27,22,1,31,0,1,3,0,9,13,1,2,11,113,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.1403153699961681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439819100186233,0.0,0.0,0.1149864115580612,0.1196423021273678,0.0,0.0,0.0977800903320258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005613860253825,0.0,0.0,0.12235214616872972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781921584437271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735260332191695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211467485682708,0.13739463988677686,0.0,0.0,0.13554958642127818,0.0,0.07270302726738614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230514832822847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512277265359306,0.0,0.16343493078666368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195989370009815,0.14756694404598833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637739487061699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907901113971934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015610100395502,0.07024706499792338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457774492395591,0.14445336729249147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661623821702873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743379210369256,0.10935649241649106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993676019749684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454564874169806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457962244261785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475952887206756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177317831967564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727963988782298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256761752388933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426580684082625,0.0,0.0,0.16768671143554448,0.0,0.13629326296141092,0.0,0.0,0.09762193423967556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961859540551444,0.2282628549516965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935729627403904,0.0,0.0,0.4085686360008671,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungjeffer,2019/02/10,The thought of suicide feels like a safe haven to me It’s always on my mind regardless of my emotions. It feels like a safe spot I could fall back to if everything goes to shit. I just can’t help myself but think about actually going through with it,3.323235294117648,4.821573039215687,3.958970588235297,89.38786764705885,73.50980392156862,7.452941176470588,26.47549019607843,8.07648339933343,1.4181725490196078,199,7,43,3,4,63,40,51,0.097,0.727,0.177,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,7,2,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,6,4,9,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2603619823631933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220021011043072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205155622239278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130210919381392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001183186288514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978601542937344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698079947144621,0.3812093181878565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163072501668606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883293600836012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606936802226997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939573988876403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738702250497035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29184000888627576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095707602146853,0.0,0.21181238277077155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelywhateverperson,2019/02/10,"On and Off for 8-9 Years   

I will preface this my just saying that this could be kind of long.

So, I am in my late teens, and I feel like my entire life has just been hopeless, and I have felt this way to a degree for as long as I can remember. My situation is somewhat impacted by my life at home, in some ways. On the surface everything seems normal, and maybe it is. I go to an online school, since I previously had been home-schooled for most of my life. Since this is how things are, I have never had any friends, and have barely communicated with people of my age. I am not allowed to go outside on my own. My parents take me to the store with them on the weekends though. They also sometimes put me in classes, driving me there, but all of the other people are adults. Anyway, I am also not allowed to have social media for the most part. I have been told that I could have one someday as long as my parents were my only followers, and I kept my account only accessible to them. Regardless, I have been socially isolated for my entire life. I have no memories of friends or playing with other kids. Maybe once or twice, but my parents made sure to stop that from happening. I have no real-world experiences, and I spend almost all of my waking hours on online school. It is honestly way more work than normal school, at least I've heard that. I have to spend a minimum of 9-10 hours a day doing it, and sometimes as much as 14. I have no extracurricular activities, and I have straight A's.

I am of course not allowed to learn to drive, and I am not allowed to get a job. If I get money at any point, not very often, regardless of who gave it to me, it must be used for me and what I am purchasing must be heavily analyzed. Around once or twice a year, my school has events where students can go. There is usually very few people there, and they don't talk to me due to my parents being glued by my side. However, my mom has told me a few different times that she would rather kill herself than take me to these school events. One of my big issues is that my mother does not like me at all. She has told me throughout the years that she wishes I was a different person. She hates who I have become, and she believes that the only positive parts of who I am are due to her raising. They also say that even though they are not perfect, they are extremely close to it. Why would you say that? I have contact with only one family member that my mother sometimes threatens to cut ties with sometimes.

I cannot choose where I go to college at all and I only get to apply to one. This is why I am not allowed to take the SAT because this school doesn't need it. My parents don't want me to move away for college, and they don't want me to take out a loan. They want to pay for it, which I guess is nice, but I have no say. With scholarships, my tuition could be free, as I have the requirements for state-offered scholarships. My parents don't want to pay too much, so I guess this is good. However, my mom tells me she wishes I would go away and become a new person so that she could finally be happy, by going out of state. I am still not allowed to do that, but she wishes it would happen. I don't understand this. My parents don't want me to leave the home because they feel that I am needed so they can purpose. My parents often don't want to spend any money on me even though I can't make my own. They get angry at me for wanting new clothes when everything I have has holes in it. They yell and tell me I am ungrateful. It just frustrates me because my parents make well over 100K a year and live in a very nice neighborhood. My parents spend hundreds to thousands of dollars a month on decor items in the house. But $50 dollars of clothing is a huge deal.

Regardless of this, there are a few things that have happened in the past that have impacted me today. One of these things was when I was suicidal when I was 8 years old. It sounds ridiculous, but I spent a decent amount of my time plotting suicide at that age. My dad found out and told my mom. My mom screamed at me for an hour angrily telling me that I should never feel that way because she has given up her life in order to raise me. She would not talk to me for a while after that. It just made me feel guilty. For my entire life all I have been told is that everything that I am given is not what I deserve, and that I must be guilted for everything that I own at all times. 

Other things include my parents’ hatred of teenagers. My parents have told me that they hate all teenagers on various occasions. Regardless of who they are, they hate all teens. They hated being teens, solely because they hated other teens too. Because of this, my 13th birthday ""party"" was decorated with baby pictures of me, to show that I had effectively died, at least until I am 20. My mother has said that she stopped liking me when I was 5 years old. She says she wanted a baby forever, and she resents me for growing up. Literally no one would notice if I died besides my parents. They restrict me to inside the house, but yet don't pay a lot of attention to me. I do a large portion of the house cleaning, while my parents sit there and do nothing. They play loud music when I am doing school and watch TV until 1-2 AM. 

I am just sick of having no meaning in the world. I have no hope for the future at all, and I feel like I am just floating forward in life. I have barely any passions. One of the few things I have always loved is music, but I have no skills in it. I only write weird poetry secretly, with about 100 poems. I wish to be able to create music, but obviously that is not a career, especially considering I literally have no knowledge or skill in it. My mother doesn't really want me to play an instrument because she didn't when she was a child. She doesn't want me to try and be ""better"" than she was.

All of these things lead me to feel pointless, hopeless, and suicidal. I feel bad honestly for being this way. I am just another stereotypical suicidal teen. And I am ugly and not good at anything. Even if I could do something well, there is obviously nothing making me special. The world is so competitive that I don't even know how I would succeed with my impeded social development.

My biggest dream honestly is just to be happy. Truly happy, not just small moments once every few months. I want to be able to live on my own, and to be able to have good people in my life who don't see me as an accessory. However, I am too bad at everything for anyone to ever want me. And I don't know how I would become financially stable.

I feel like mild depression is my norm, but sometimes I get these periods of feeling so helpless I don't know how to function. I can't even scream. Not like I could anyway, I am expected to stay completely silent in the house most of the time.

There is so much left unsaid, honestly probably most of what is causing my issues. But they are normal, so I don't think about it. I am just done writing. I am just done with life. What even is the point? I don't know, and probably never will. I am honestly just depressed, suicidal, and bored.

TLDR: I have been socially isolated for most of my life, so I feel pointless and suicidal.

​

I may just be stupid and entitled though. And I am sorry for wasting anyone's time.",4.175094915254238,4.951291836610171,5.2425,83.74781779661018,70.63389830508473,8.259322033898307,28.03813559322034,8.457594993898372,1.8532949152542373,5709,196,1174,87,100,1885,450,1475,0.155,0.75,0.094,-0.9985,27,0,1,0,0,3,178.0,0,1,21,9,70,59,11,1,47,0,176,14,1,19,21,226,263,91,9,49,47,23,11,6,2,15,11,12,3,5,80,50,0,5,27,7,20,14,48,23,2,10,39,25,222,37,174,188,39,142,0,5,2,2,107,62,0,23,65,895,302,23,0.08642638981128656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028847848376620282,0.0,0.0,0.06911515270709126,0.023971226598908685,0.031214319083988237,0.0350058411534949,0.07836387834515228,0.030208535124293705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028756084647096,0.0,0.023707184936343,0.02564593679691429,0.0,0.0,0.05413362547365568,0.0,0.04810828363980677,0.12293102511249522,0.09545115736997256,0.0,0.03245764845859978,0.0,0.025479039474003987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02959456986031604,0.0,0.0,0.030205475128752362,0.0,0.0,0.13800887936993553,0.0,0.0,0.01857929051714747,0.029700604308464936,0.04962594860175437,0.0,0.05979796510459695,0.060198121622273136,0.0,0.0,0.02521077204700669,0.05896280225238225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141676307273192,0.02605920586283495,0.02427265365187876,0.0,0.12945744392766484,0.028180531053138464,0.027158369520788005,0.0,0.14566593170347353,0.061743030149992335,0.027660962562213155,0.03155862851656833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03158735850154056,0.044515209585513686,0.0,0.07525703593117572,0.0,0.09823621805337787,0.07249035530141601,0.0,0.0,0.06347227478298369,0.0,0.07642657108258515,0.09200249904630288,0.0,0.1422136117131613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669271575781648,0.02861363534043073,0.08511258469364244,0.13296593335067738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013779778798305,0.028588285358994082,0.0,0.031872665063741264,0.029999928445756118,0.06333024479323353,0.0,0.0324975773918992,0.030504355941533962,0.03130084180338884,0.0,0.2034850501857072,0.0844471369924417,0.0,0.05087739040548603,0.07648463530310777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024492208660202915,0.02600106370541032,0.05451915982808112,0.057690286310949225,0.0,0.05788461670784936,0.03138122508962058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349620575922371,0.045989813194342484,0.03061919158472349,0.06353334085916057,0.04272271529350671,0.06665735984039052,0.055647430557775664,0.0,0.0,0.08467951195500519,0.055285634637701725,0.032799005876801485,0.06045997174888231,0.09204128449679363,0.13665110309357864,0.1314623279475282,0.0,0.0,0.44784263072159103,0.06239423865027945,0.02750125614157371,0.07988956879708521,0.050309459974638,0.0,0.0,0.05446724923307045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212151059340496,0.0,0.0,0.02896079762979512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032790717583312916,0.01845565279576709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03263475061279701,0.0,0.02740376271821897,0.11454955679869724,0.0,0.23324832153003014,0.02295688100572846,0.026226446445334037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766186850504366,0.03238229442388965,0.0,0.11746776064092618,0.0,0.022178419096034543,0.14246318240071273,0.03224908918699465,0.0,0.03070634404725289,0.02300674218160413,0.04817088786653049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907288576571168,0.0,0.02715194986094244,0.0,0.08664251898821954,0.04631083890456783,0.07554047409239567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114835706150357,0.018459513615468087,0.11321798557178682,0.0,0.08399320486929525,0.0,0.027307370656196085,0.16516823837250474,0.0,0.0195592818348798,0.0,0.0,0.029990973261297005,0.0,0.024881550539479488,0.03172881938291672,0.0713108228980743,0.2039060957649755,0.11433540902480885,0.0,0.0,0.051805135888333284,0.0,0.051990916026457376,0.0,0.13251477734744171,0.0,0.0,0.02097314703865044,0.0,0.0,0.16371954034046465,0.0,0.0350058411534949,0.1113115228759455
suicidewatch,BigSnigg,2019/02/10,"It hurts, So fucking much. Do you guys ever look at all the pills your doctor has tried to put you on and wonder why none of them helped?  I just can't help but wonder why I'm one of those people who nothing seems to work on. I want it to work. I want to be happy.  If I'm being honest I haven't left my home in a week. I'm starting to just stop caring about everything. For the longest time I told myself I would get into shape but I've just given up. I hate to say this but I've literally eaten pizza every single day for this entire week because I cannot bring myself to leave my home to retrieve food. I'm disgusted with myself. Maybe if I get disgusted enough with myself it will make ending my life easier. I apologize for the annoying post. Just venting I suppose. ",1.271063664596273,3.3174166459627337,3.3592197204968954,88.90106560559008,81.29813664596273,5.764130434782609,18.758152173913047,6.9077264865688965,0.23776055900621085,604,14,125,7,16,205,103,161,0.14800000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.127,-0.5543,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,1,2,7,9,5,0,4,0,9,7,0,1,2,23,30,7,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,1,7,4,3,1,3,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,3,2,22,3,22,23,5,19,0,1,1,1,11,8,1,5,8,82,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731371266507527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603593286166675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237365283299807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660538952350358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686222249161902,0.1479983255912583,0.0,0.0,0.1295627533923037,0.1206802638510276,0.0,0.1287288873704252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731983193985709,0.0,0.0,0.13241691183362994,0.14966701347246522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182352253792482,0.0,0.15247455042892624,0.0,0.1414132663935036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201257284600268,0.0,0.2873494306710779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333424945894128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166342240231492,0.15562343952037813,0.0,0.1011699416897089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027992866820755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560936453422894,0.0,0.1438971386772572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052929831816076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743624967707094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705861591863953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929996097306423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717794329616642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439890647897647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390489838275313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039425034818047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013812929998262,0.0,0.0,0.11974948312297948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352051053581769,0.0,0.0,0.13686559143524374,0.0,0.0972460335990994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896546617627772,0.0,0.22978628614686225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258491615870103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31066088765325023,0.2085511501718169,0.0,0.0,0.10174885289235226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MisterFoolBf1,2019/02/10,"Zoloft overdose 24 hours ago I took around 250 to 300 mg of Zoloft, I don't even know why. In the following panic attack, I threw all the pills up after about 15 minutes and my parents came and drove me out to get activated charcoal

I feel like it isnt alot, but I'm only 18 and I've been feeling a lot of side effects like uncontrollable shaking, headaches, and my legs feel like they're degrading in some way. 

Otherwise I've felt relatively fine, but I've heard that horrible side effects will arrive silently to make me suffer for my stupidity.

I'm scared, Im sitting up in bed with horrible anxiety. What will happen to me and what should I do? I feel like I need medical attention but I have no health insurance, can I just ride this out?",3.4286689038031315,5.098959288590606,4.774647651006713,82.9461772930649,73.56375838926175,8.456599552572706,28.52404921700224,9.075114841892004,2.366838478747204,590,24,119,13,12,196,101,149,0.247,0.662,0.091,-0.9825,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,13,2,4,4,0,9,6,1,3,1,30,27,8,0,2,4,1,5,4,0,3,5,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,9,0,0,7,3,8,0,0,7,6,15,5,18,17,4,22,0,1,0,0,2,10,0,3,7,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546560557168629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346814700319953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531421285873226,0.0,0.198483436047712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954581703596816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152349905092535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528666502146407,0.3739216158566237,0.16751739900497253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115274197461364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428217503070338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545216551290575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718166143399343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845623247040927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588348437124908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409465526389014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832712641204573,0.0,0.0,0.11645927226774905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575895113451998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293663972882654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269137685391907,0.0,0.2047015339637022,0.19372694458917952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746736953720661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938412455129228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384852048508987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743094632100255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,solohippie,2019/02/10,"I don’t know feel loved and don’t know how to love. I barely know what Love is and I’m so depressed because of it. I don’t have people in my life. I used to. I don’t really have a mom (she randomly decided to up & leave on Christmas Eve one year. Still lives in the same town with her pos boyfriend but I don’t really see her because she’s done a lot of things I can’t forgive her for), my dad is here physically & does what he’s supposed to but emotionally he isn’t there for me, my sister isnt emotionally there either (my family rarely ever says “I love u” to one another or gives hugs or anything), my grandparents are gone now, I never see my brother, I’ve never had a boyfriend or have any guy actually care about me, my friends are too wrapped up with their boyfriends, etc. 

 I just feel so alone and as cheesy as it sounds I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything’s gonna be okay & that they love me. I don’t remember the last time someone said “I love you” to me. I don’t ever get a hug from anyone. Nobody’s there for me on an emotional level at all and it’s really taken its toll on me. It makes me feel like I’m not worth anything. I’m graduating in a few months and have 0 plans. I’ve been trying to get a job but don’t have one, haven’t applied to college, I’ve just been driving myself down this highway to nowhere wishing someone would just appear and help me. 

 When guys try to get to know me/show me affection I don’t know how to act. I push them away. Every single one. It sucks. 

 I don’t know what the point even is in making this post it’s 3 am and I can’t sleep with all this on my mind hoping to find someone who relates. ",1.7366468158678323,3.0028062339832893,3.568850254538468,91.52459610027857,77.18941504178272,6.845874555758332,22.964268562097782,7.503015589744147,0.7149599654211887,1294,38,304,17,29,436,179,359,0.04,0.768,0.192,0.9958,2,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,3,1,21,17,1,0,10,1,32,11,1,6,6,57,69,21,0,4,12,4,3,1,1,2,1,3,0,2,16,11,0,0,13,0,1,5,18,2,0,4,7,8,47,15,39,59,8,34,0,1,2,9,31,16,1,7,13,192,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.08076787457950861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572082492369605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690314378471079,0.0,0.056283855949107765,0.0867875799551715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057872053275269265,0.0,0.13621906522175406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776157184927462,0.0,0.0,0.10090701780638676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438565963957001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128640902985009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242926165597552,0.08469856108223381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793025137312229,0.0,0.0,0.09230619416821433,0.054666296237534925,0.14973353743129844,0.06973409537632673,0.0,0.07438492611069324,0.0,0.07802460981770595,0.0,0.12554723665789144,0.05912819168235335,0.0,0.0,0.07564680974973842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063944962826368,0.0,0.12972577444472494,0.0793968832820139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639031061363073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055476440973090485,0.0,0.0,0.08220551425940137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821326850562724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729168425889625,0.06746550178540132,0.0,0.08763745806819515,0.0,0.0,0.05846021659114479,0.0404353859130743,0.0,0.07308407325212582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070364865711965,0.4481983755851981,0.0,0.11049416586510287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835702706443426,0.09693477618169176,0.06606319328800488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276687956553976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22433808357992047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737966365328113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078240813867731,0.0,0.07926714340923073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590664462259294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375797325066168,0.0,0.07872961195219767,0.06581900630793222,0.0,0.0,0.1319078954082584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282597537210942,0.0,0.2805101395413187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609719631814387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234130914955708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498618733759664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826163833030615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238563731249797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148342506410116,0.0,0.0,0.04881765069799245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517704836533132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879473565607981,0.0,0.0,0.05329872088456596
suicidewatch,TheSavagePatchKid,2019/02/10,"I can't look at myself in the mirror I actively avoid mirrors and whenever I accidentally see myself I feel so horrible and disgusted, and all I can think about is killing myself. I've had suicidal ideation since middle school, but I have no intention of doing it because it would destroy my family. But I am so damn tired of feeling like this and honestly I'm caring less and less about what my family will think.

Everyone told me it was going to get better when I got to college, and in a way it has. I have more good days but the bad days are so much worse than they were before. I have real friends for the first time but I still feel completely hopeless when I think about myself and my future.",4.326115107913669,5.547717618705037,5.4511438848920895,80.73801079136692,70.65467625899282,9.013237410071943,27.56906474820144,9.3871,2.3517418705035973,555,19,108,12,10,184,91,139,0.255,0.588,0.157,-0.9509,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,2,9,13,4,1,4,0,15,1,0,1,1,22,29,16,2,1,4,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,5,5,21,6,12,22,5,14,0,1,2,0,3,4,1,0,9,82,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417207177635885,0.10525790829202952,0.0,0.1469292832899484,0.0,0.0,0.15271240750727136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604837040267948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810410016248503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222715474619478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499339487355938,0.0,0.0,0.3255554431495118,0.0,0.26192111925871725,0.1233553406466992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468728448927706,0.0,0.0,0.1334042602632355,0.0,0.09021284456689932,0.0,0.09813222733302596,0.14482723718099766,0.13809981389465528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103355212911136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843577430929053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499914520521928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693217169720614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653603626415686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475105745363592,0.13759547610967346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142834244068079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789432647320016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888727373277994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33191950997692604,0.0,0.0,0.10068514979089857,0.1984585359963884,0.0,0.16499339487355938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705725126193924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596527925677824,0.12265967280127205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tat2dgerl,2019/02/10,"Too painful I'm just at such a loss.  Everything hurts too much.  Physical and mental.

Fighting with my bf.  It got so ugly.  I cant do this anymore.  

Part of me Hope's I dont wake up 

Part of me I terrified. 

I cant handle this pain anymore.  I feel so alone.  I have no purpose.  Even my bf doesnt want to spend time with me.  I'm such a waste of space.  ",-3.0092307692307685,-1.7403967948717955,0.2046666666666664,102.85700000000004,113.10256410256409,3.6184615384615375,15.456410256410258,5.6839178017228535,-0.7818420512820512,262,8,68,3,15,91,51,78,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.9834,0,1,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,7,12,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,11,1,8,11,3,4,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023297109252526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217674288798402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492148273844742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044802823273336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191108908441307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751817879430517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700692237854925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120147480676288,0.0,0.0,0.2276376471463054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142931109406118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631632878533647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525321372536159,0.0,0.0,0.4605411044630226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399325378328313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542175445168832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeezluisa,2019/02/10,I want to kill myself I’m a little drunk right now. I’ve committed self harm and I am googling suicide options. I’ve been here before and I just feel so hopeless and lost. ,0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,84.55555555555556,4.711111111111111,22.88888888888889,5.985473137389443,0.33452222222222217,136,5,29,1,4,44,28,36,0.465,0.46,0.075,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,6,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,4,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054273947398109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148840787273726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971085873980978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597473382236988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918201409577976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065286758926372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37444766548416814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926168208795234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117092642686016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kizzwhizz,2019/02/10,"Keeping Friends and SI I recently discovered that this (tl;dr) means too long don't read, so you've been warned. 

So recently I've noticed a correlation between feeling abandoned and my SI. I recently left my old job, and although everyone promises to stay friends and we're in the same city, I see them doing things without me. Which is fine, they have their own lives, but... I'm nice, and I thought I was good at making friends, but it seems like every friend group I'm apart of just forgets about me as soon as I'm not there. I know they care about me in theory, like they're always happy to see me but how do I... I don't know, *inspire* them to think about me when they hang out? I always think that there might be something wrong with me but it's not like they're trying to be mean, but it really hurts when I see all of them hanging out and I wasn't even invited.

I get a really strong urge to self-injure when I notice this happening. And maybe it's like, a dirty trick that I do to make people care about me, but the thought won't leave my head and I've been clean for a while, but. I'm just tired of caring about things that were probably not malicious intent on their part, and comparing my apparently horrible personalty with everyone else's. :/",3.953746157224419,5.009322664031622,4.676646903820816,86.56782059727716,71.37154150197628,8.468072024593765,26.703776899429073,8.841846274778883,1.77801379007466,986,32,210,18,18,317,135,253,0.105,0.682,0.213,0.98,2,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,8,1,18,22,1,0,6,0,16,2,1,4,1,47,41,26,0,0,13,0,1,4,4,2,1,0,1,0,13,13,0,2,11,1,0,2,8,4,0,0,7,4,33,18,27,30,4,21,0,2,3,0,13,8,0,2,14,133,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391497999882696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31965295978030955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873014797804977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902532755443534,0.0,0.0880509400920087,0.1997202128593021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284145034087122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229647741538874,0.0,0.05460015091316723,0.0,0.0,0.08765480175669982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924144447814214,0.11124874173250347,0.0,0.0,0.1072534616348522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187599680614546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370622996481466,0.09288986936840324,0.0,0.0,0.11486769576736483,0.0,0.0,0.11065692511726748,0.1135462395660355,0.0,0.0,0.20422570757764671,0.0,0.09228084656257683,0.09248465560764657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951733548131,0.0,0.10499047593004374,0.2276756723850133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086451194747393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379618926678133,0.10966162634659683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131699782041963,0.0,0.07245140701358875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267530707878748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453443251487853,0.0,0.1338986335804466,0.0,0.3095616511624381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24983361726231906,0.09513847550021128,0.109022708132474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804539412611462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138965269007567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885848697176348,0.13392664442829813,0.0,0.16593242194484756,0.0,0.12011444786416707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095281701728609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007402008953526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142610711962912,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatDoUThink18,2019/02/10,"Hello all. I need your help. Hi. I am 23, almost 24. I am going to school to be a teacher. I am taking 18 hours, but only working 15/ week while I finish my degree. I have been in a relationship with a beautiful, patient, frustrating-as-hell mane for 1.4 years now. 
However my life may seem, I feel out of it.
I have such severe anxiety attacks that affect my seating arrangements in class, my ability to do my work, and my customer-service/ serving",2.031275252525252,4.358545738636362,4.314242424242424,81.5469191919192,80.25,7.092929292929293,26.823232323232325,8.167268648758528,2.1316626262626266,347,15,64,7,9,120,68,88,0.106,0.778,0.116,0.2144,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,1,11,14,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,15,0,9,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,6,44,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26267516292902643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006737572954083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984263868714864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263665921936982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908225994198934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582728203174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583319416620372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528407392237492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945066414309656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950585777847493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28163305377993897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654814150302353,0.0,0.23880588954636625,0.0,0.29634645407275234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972316747395338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041694063323788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38194355042276223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689252061690072
suicidewatch,Romuluseless,2019/02/10,"Alone You would think a decent looking 21yr old in the lull between high school and uni would at least be able to hang out with a single friend in three years?
Not so much, life just has no depth if I cant share it in some way
The only way I sleep is when I cant stay awake any longer and just crash out on top of the sheets
I exist for what purpose? Peace and quiet are nonexistent, and I'm as broke as a joke
If there's a God I pray to just fade away

Do your friends a favour and reach out with kindness, a lot are probably like me",5.066666666666666,3.5880364786324783,5.126111111111111,93.04250000000002,68.82905982905983,8.483760683760684,25.482905982905983,6.42735559955562,0.5295880341880341,416,7,106,2,6,130,86,117,0.092,0.684,0.223,0.9379,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,6,8,0,0,9,0,10,2,1,0,0,21,13,11,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,2,8,7,18,10,5,20,1,1,1,0,5,12,0,4,5,68,10,1,0.2128150557919992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041221613779646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472153567777926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994675035983192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32884076838865506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485079080159934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161413174425407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031756759480125,0.10397068655628457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871104802386475,0.0,0.0,0.1809277500959441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644355282127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223313601708042,0.0,0.0,0.16185543974350836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22945062448551345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538019811508344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129687482801472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683253353009056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636329465618793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378453711244316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023554193447842,0.0,0.0,0.1370459185143655
suicidewatch,probablygoingnowhere,2019/02/10,"Society wishes for death I wish for it too. Its highly likely to happen i dont know when i could get back on my feet then do it, thats what i would like to do, prove a point then kill myself, as if to say that well i could of done something if i had the resources or people making me aware of resources that i never knew were available, were available. ",3.4733783783783783,4.050853094594596,4.3738918918918905,90.06435135135138,72.10810810810811,6.460540540540541,22.90810810810811,5.6839178017228535,0.26131675675675714,275,6,60,1,5,89,53,74,0.114,0.768,0.118,-0.4019,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,10,1,1,1,2,13,17,7,2,7,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,1,10,3,9,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,7,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001126596934502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35305866954341314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262607515996436,0.2591260499801477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551495425922527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551686548989333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360293395500464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24461297215616765,0.0,0.1215100727792114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603533025858912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758511063571014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052496106023418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328201162852315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090097532388179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582657422379985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021259445849754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987942997119405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085052266063254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706218511470532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TamatsuW,2019/02/10,"Life has never been easy Last week my Husband moved out. I have kids, none of which are home over the weekend. My life has been full of mistakes, regrets, loss and pain. Tonight I feel so very alone. In a home we made together. I don't think I can actually do it, but man do I want to. I've caused so much pain for my family. What is my purpose?",0.10140410958904056,2.140327136986304,1.8701198630137021,97.90737157534248,85.84931506849315,5.293835616438357,20.08390410958904,6.6274283507984215,0.00042602739726049776,263,8,64,3,8,86,56,73,0.207,0.774,0.02,-0.8954,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,2,1,12,15,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,1,10,0,7,12,3,10,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.21458392782211289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277429164013824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258907672864481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072956274835405,0.0,0.11118454917675764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411413799470574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924221035864807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31063397329120657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806815073686336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337115461859963,0.16164671630286218,0.0,0.16959510061816335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679634851776607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408986078869873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814348215039068,0.12969863684491253,0.0,0.17638496642746102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SparklingLily,2019/02/10,My suicide attempt was stopped By someone who didn’t even know she was doing it I was getting ready to get into la lyft to go to the park and drown myself. I again got a string of bad news and things keep falling through. I am now homeless and i splurged on a Lyft because who cares about money when I’m going to die? As soon as the lyftv got there to take me to the park to drown myself somebody intercepted me and asked if I was OK and brought me into a room to talk to me. I was ironically was at my friends house warming party even though I’m now homeless. There’s no resources to help me.I have a Masters degree no drug problem I’m a single person with no children. I’m not on the lease of my current place and I pay weekly. I have looked into so many different things and there’s nowhere to help. I was supposed to go and stay at An aquatintes for free tomorrow and it fell through a couple hours ago so I decided to go drown myself. And then again interrupted. I don’t know why the universe wants me to stay. . I hate life and I hate living ,2.0548017303532795,3.7555380273972654,3.3454458062965635,91.60702235039656,77.40182648401827,5.70641672674838,25.6815669310262,6.339386263674448,0.7455333333333334,824,31,179,6,19,268,119,219,0.197,0.6990000000000001,0.103,-0.9693,2,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,15,9,2,0,12,1,13,2,0,0,0,25,36,19,5,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,6,15,0,2,3,0,3,7,6,4,0,0,11,2,25,6,31,25,1,31,0,0,1,0,10,9,0,1,13,119,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748494814995445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344493282859298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008105124806412,0.08766940867358636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663084970614154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913059415238773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925917054154747,0.15025798429399992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678187152162466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899793282847944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111253113036344,0.0,0.15027672250525068,0.0,0.3269376897834402,0.0,0.2300469241415383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839787031133253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279478796045152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163061426141715,0.16594532010821808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278310122697679,0.0,0.0,0.15807594441544845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158208479234347,0.0,0.0,0.1269929014801467,0.0,0.12076992146802573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580769927059326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557531436183247,0.15025798429399992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761328964687636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185553886707015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065792245498345,0.0,0.12023731500949535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731227671891354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813236282531767,0.11559452549745107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109103148213447,0.0,0.1412993116678037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482689633615956,0.0,0.11536119134613798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977232566744515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VLC_Cat,2019/02/10,I just wanna leave I'm a failure. Sure it will burden my family. But I think I'm the source of all their problems. Constantly being compared to everyone else in the family. Being looked down at for being different. I've tried suicide before and I'm scared to try again.,1.4623180592991891,4.143667792452831,3.615687331536392,82.62547169811323,88.0566037735849,6.8021563342318085,20.77897574123989,7.957251820313856,1.5849051212938008,215,7,38,5,7,73,41,53,0.298,0.6629999999999999,0.039,-0.9349,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,9,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,8,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120187882088504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268218513972205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593185793833369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734117546516245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371679369153763,0.0,0.0,0.4679660835060137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628104012081145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842742310483772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374960834405432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24849380446401365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714930345297865,0.0,0.23392773314780735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590380137409274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33702614251024576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wildman1626,2019/02/10,"This is it I just don't think I was supposed to live much past this point... my life is falling apart... I'm alone... I'm tired of being sad... I'm just... so tierd of everything. I cave nothing but sleep... an end. I wish I could have done more...
 
I'm sorry ",-2.751636363636365,-1.2957224363636364,-0.14318181818181766,105.88522727272728,109.72727272727272,2.927272727272728,12.772727272727273,4.935628992294339,-1.5735818181818182,186,4,49,1,10,62,40,55,0.09,0.838,0.073,0.2846,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,0,6,14,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,3,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27481947147914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185799106107028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271542111410886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23501868621340197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384767773519733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874224360350668,0.0,0.0,0.2343062657477995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506057901883328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25460760660515924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533037397771509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508386863328456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655386342440031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29703424648751986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002364579982907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30497734675989585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051359591089817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YoYoToad,2019/02/10,"Music stopped me from suicide First off if I wasn't as invested into music as much as I am I would not be here to type this post. I've been so close to going through with it on several occasions. Even posted here with a Anon account saying I was minutes away from doing it and I was. I almost always have music playing. It is a part of my life that I have to have. I remember being at my lowest and my best friend who me and him send music playlist back and forth to each other that we make on Spotify. His girlfriend had just broke up with him and he was handling it pretty poorly at first (later on said fuck that bitch and moved on) but he sent me one playlist titled ""cheer up!"" It was meant for him but he was just like hey check it out. He knows about my depression and he deals with it as well. I haven't told him but if he didn't send me that playlist and I never heard it that night would have been my last. I had everything planned out. I then turned on the playlist and it was indie/bedroom pop style music and I sat down to listen to the 30 track playlist. And it instantly hit home with the vibe and feeling of it. it wasn't all depressing music it was music that made you feel like you were getting better, that things would turn out fine. I listened to the whole thing texted him thanks man it was really good and went to bed. That was about 3 months ago and a couple days ago he changes the name to ""I found my happiness in music"" and added to it making it like 150+ tracks long I listened to it alone and cryed almost Everytime when certain songs come on. Music is really an amazing thing. I just wanted to share this because I'm listening to Frank oceans endless album and it was making me emotional.",1.699670329670333,3.8637089629629635,2.743365079365081,93.25600000000004,80.45299145299145,5.720830280830281,20.56988196988197,6.868970318607317,0.3128312739112737,1350,37,288,15,35,429,184,351,0.054000000000000006,0.7859999999999999,0.161,0.9908,1,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,2,0,5,12,21,2,0,9,0,32,2,0,4,3,60,61,29,1,6,9,0,2,3,2,3,1,8,2,1,33,30,0,1,6,2,4,7,6,5,1,3,27,10,37,16,48,28,6,43,0,3,0,1,35,19,2,4,18,203,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985382324083549,0.0,0.22427624706499996,0.1159840546710736,0.0,0.0,0.09318158964508877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521483441979464,0.0861105679171086,0.0,0.06826582152218473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752273429727896,0.09904279995942072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184666781717788,0.09646629911457454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391073355555834,0.1230117145333802,0.07222191228814888,0.11545297907319145,0.19290730740359632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596953755094464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396590848400313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064608389392084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324729685614453,0.08000304969991058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051101391997988,0.0,0.1227872201582233,0.08652035337964932,0.1035295487253882,0.05850823036618219,0.0,0.06364440663313167,0.09392881243202283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921152048800535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123314102100911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061544753019801314,0.09128379777556636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909924995735547,0.16413257856171906,0.0,0.0,0.09910436958745256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596416411846324,0.2242552154498129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938641256523368,0.1190237359669343,0.08232283083627398,0.0,0.08637075406277657,0.0,0.0,0.10509157557371217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588482896046156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127027205175987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450387821115335,0.11393034769875808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434826088979274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268586706326452,0.0,0.10652463534997887,0.08905601681750351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265126664609995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362557830526244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249485844858247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031019580266232,0.0,0.0,0.22319620572928292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107007728250958,0.0,0.0,0.2436179179195971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605243326238859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068915109405584,0.10381244099295538,0.0,0.12502872751177627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386556069931502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OtherAccount174,2019/02/10,"What’s the quickest and most painless way to commit suicide? I’m just done with everything. I’ve screwed up the best friendship I’ve ever had, and along with that, all my other friendships. I just want to end it all. What’s the quickest, easiest, and most painless way am 18 year old guy can kill himself? Thanks.",2.0759953161592506,4.708902360655738,2.510210772833726,92.58672131147543,82.77049180327869,4.797189695550352,26.747072599531606,6.18269132825596,0.9821925058548008,248,11,48,2,7,76,43,61,0.156,0.54,0.304,0.8336,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,4,15,7,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,6,5,5,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,4,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889427978924304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28175910833371737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438614590023961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905256627284886,0.0,0.0,0.2474496636851912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726208830941961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046128523586624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28891346881598656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30116732170338995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534877051536587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239730115673015,0.4370897130690485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730407553420646
suicidewatch,-TheWhitePill-,2019/02/10,"Just experimented with hanging myself It was so easy I just went the closet and put a belt on the pole in between the walls and then I just let my weight like fall down on it and dead hang I mean I could feel like the blood flow getting cut off for my arteries, my carotids or whatever and you know I can see how easy it is to let yourself just hang there and kind of like go under you know and not wake up

I started to relax and let it happen but then I realized I have to write my note first. My loving parents deserve to know how great they were and how none of this is their fault, my brother too, such a good guy. So I'ma work on this real quick",2.0242077922077897,3.2099404857142844,3.2807792207792232,94.20967532467535,76.28571428571429,6.233766233766234,22.01298701298701,6.574015621080383,0.18399999999999966,508,13,121,4,11,165,88,140,0.051,0.7709999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.9586,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,2,2,13,10,1,0,6,0,10,4,2,3,0,28,22,17,1,1,7,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,9,1,0,6,1,0,8,2,2,0,1,3,3,19,8,17,15,1,22,0,0,1,1,9,9,0,1,8,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054733310554854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219320248518102,0.0,0.0,0.08900713483969393,0.12575738988758595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497328410934377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196952322932377,0.0,0.100043116970524,0.14764740008036253,0.0,0.19407604638217046,0.0,0.17429948587723834,0.1556646324946388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331037636090655,0.2902279674366583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5400143428775647,0.0,0.2580012231141734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887587139551745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917505967471212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546284998757965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696091251780285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003631039390564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027481781637186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459644867947822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143597127854083,0.0,0.1631835494534615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815348823511988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JohnnyJihad911,2019/02/10,"No suicidal thoughts for a straight week Hi guys, I had no real thought of killing myself for now a week.

Maybe no one cares but i need to tell it to someone, because i just realised it and im really happy.

I am M20 and for the last 2 years, nearly everyday i thought about ending it, most of the time when i went to work or got home from work, i wanted to jump infront of the train, one time i lied on the rails but got up from them before the train arrived because of my family.

I cant really tell the reasons, I have a good life, but im never really happy and if i meet with a friend i believe they want me gone.

But last week i felt so weird, i felt that nothing matters, not if i life or die and not what people think about me, so i send text massages with my real thoughts to everyone.

I told people i love that i love them, people i hate that i hate them and asked my crush out for a date.
Afterwards she blocked me on whattsapp, so that didnt work out.

But that doesnt matter, i dont have this silent pain in the back of my head anymore, I think im finally making sense.

But lets wait another week, life always finds a way to hit back hard.

If you read till here i want to thank you and wish you a great quite day.",2.8373563218390814,3.402753291187743,4.035114942528737,91.95887931034487,73.55938697318007,7.3325670498084285,24.461685823754788,7.3871296695380915,0.7889019157088124,943,26,223,10,18,309,138,261,0.154,0.6729999999999999,0.173,0.9071,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,4,4,11,14,3,0,14,0,9,7,1,2,1,48,37,22,3,8,14,0,3,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,10,10,0,2,10,1,0,4,10,5,0,2,13,3,40,9,30,22,1,34,0,0,0,2,19,8,0,6,21,138,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402354833747511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328446129991833,0.0,0.0,0.0882264441789637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316750341495452,0.0,0.0,0.13681264315961325,0.0,0.10846087426694223,0.0,0.075700148234134,0.10022976086277194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907027342504724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737315960855632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232855778444607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426285460307792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879396685185312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500704672283599,0.0,0.0,0.0838654989428278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083502930786967,0.0974535722576236,0.08130969777250098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873185556253772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461714286937944,0.14230214901819924,0.09808096906915184,0.0,0.08808641149578272,0.0,0.189403503049014,0.07969251871292153,0.17566320384081424,0.0913007240864768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923618501438266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28828282484595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842332236337946,0.0,0.0,0.1450318811431456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909697187400018,0.18850957066662152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058343848877846,0.0,0.05938285607706791,0.0,0.08937433187221171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596422939786188,0.06861301371506587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536148183919412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205659685787904,0.0,0.094661888549881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502524265217327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462208579125167,0.08898611974940666,0.20251656777207752,0.17097409277621015,0.09146779923421433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537725233781442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097310038495772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555134976049108,0.08190429893652627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140065730689885,0.0,0.28250370742466435,0.10374896812238693,0.0,0.0,0.08500704672283599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741635783514368,0.07061393076162603,0.2854399467085237,0.0,0.0,0.08246870731806986,0.0,0.0,0.10230196174916097,0.0,0.0,0.19429628565713786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728864047435825
suicidewatch,BigBoiiiiiiiiiiiiii,2019/02/10,"I dont know what what to do anymore I[M18] had a pretty rough few months and have been dealing with daily suicide thoughts for over a year. Last summer I had a pretty bad ecstasy addiction. I stopped because of my ex getting back together with me. In November I was in a car accident. 2 people died on scene and the 3rd was in hospital for months. I am now stuck in court facing 3 felonies because they are trying to blame the whole thing on me. Recently my ex broke up with me again and got back together with her ex a day later. My mental space is completely messed up and my whole life changed for the worst. I don't really know what to do anymore and suicide looks like the best way to stop everything and just get out. I dont think I would be missed very much as I dont have any type of relationship with my parents or sisters. I have maybe 2 friends that still talk to me. I dont want to be a problem for anyone anymore. 

I'm not really sure why I'm writing all of this. I guess just to vent or look for advice. My life doesnt really look too good and I would just rather not deal with it.",3.4401315789473688,4.275492179824564,4.510482456140351,88.10546052631581,72.37719298245614,8.156140350877193,26.969298245614038,8.472884824447931,1.620450877192983,859,29,190,14,16,281,130,228,0.199,0.706,0.094,-0.9714,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,10,0,23,4,1,0,2,36,39,10,3,5,8,5,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,7,14,0,2,4,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,8,4,25,5,32,27,7,28,0,2,3,0,13,11,0,3,16,125,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776315876687713,0.0,0.09659692963369793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722267970408624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941035584411445,0.0691195447706868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202201398695347,0.08253720490933615,0.1205183977449362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037389671748774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457219968258916,0.0,0.10364433321927197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375129572134726,0.20382393037281335,0.0,0.0,0.10259266233550617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634147480740365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884171097432639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763727303732249,0.0,0.1032920723928063,0.0,0.0,0.08291228116776757,0.07906089228602903,0.0,0.10889650915523408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865283472995113,0.080577489603702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964403643174106,0.048294043649097285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490320908625017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931001708738857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961946191441964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578052820916969,0.0,0.07266751830556194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976333323311158,0.0,0.0,0.06853145873268589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011358341994853,0.0,0.0945879151438156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998116930690528,0.0,0.0976043226594701,0.10612994303791316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894325259893872,0.16528922429544618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625586190914506,0.0,0.09316674301414046,0.0,0.0,0.07945341032758832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567280789870504,0.0633403041028836,0.0,0.07847736431671455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067113949222214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156316759444163,0.058305409987268825,0.07846403462429838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919846157116068,0.22072922548673468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044310279199074,0.0,0.0,0.06365738065104025
suicidewatch,smellslikedesperate,2019/02/10,"Nothing gets better I feel like I’ve got to be the most stupid, most ugly piece of shit this world has ever seen. I thought I was starting to get over the one guy who said he was attracted to me. He had a girlfriend and just wanted to fuck someone else. I let him.
I found another guy online and I know thats not real, but it felt like progress. He was sweet at first, he was good at conversation and he actually asked me questions about myself. Maybe I got too attached to the idea of him. The idea of someone who could actually want me and be kind to me.
He started sending dick pics. Maybe I should have seen where this was headed right away. But it made me feel wanted. He wanted me to look at his dick! Clearly he must at the very least think I’m attractive.....
Wrong.
He started talking to me less and less. He sent pics still sometimes, but rarely started conversations. Whenever I sent a pic back, he barely acknowledged it. That made me feel bad. Why didn’t he want to see my body when he obviously wanted me to see his? I brought it up to him tonight.

I told him I felt like he wasn’t interested in me and that it didn’t feel like he even wanted to talk to me. He got defensive at first, but then basically admitted I was right. He didn’t want me. He wasn’t interested. He apologized for leading me on. He said he would cool it with the dick pics.
Its not what I wanted to hear. I know, thats stupid. What did I expect? I had hoped that maybe he would reassure me that he thought I was attractive. That I was wanted. That maybe he was just lazy or busy or bad with texting but he’d try harder. But he didn’t.

I can’t sleep now. All I want is to die. There’s nothing to live for. Nobody wants me and they never will. I was so fucking stupid to think otherwise.
Where can I get drugs that’ll kill me? Or at least knock mr out and get me sick enough that I don’t need to continue living this kind of life anymore. I have nothing to offer this world, and the world has nothing for me.
I hate myself and I just want to die. Maybe I can find peace then.",0.6202464788732378,2.8527481197183104,2.1919072769953054,95.15504401408451,85.40845070422534,5.42793427230047,19.6731220657277,6.816661863887847,0.13145868544600958,1593,46,363,20,48,517,184,426,0.149,0.6859999999999999,0.165,-0.6239,0,0,1,0,0,3,55.0,0,0,1,5,15,29,9,0,9,1,39,12,7,3,6,79,98,23,3,21,14,0,6,4,1,6,3,3,0,3,25,13,0,1,19,0,0,5,11,12,0,3,37,16,57,17,42,50,9,40,0,0,5,5,56,19,6,7,20,220,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.1305285864804011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012850217106859,0.0,0.0,0.0663260343248135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252287211099647,0.0,0.06283505730974827,0.051425851686067316,0.11168240564460184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914907385338526,0.0,0.07428753392800848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053397469493855806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881976429538168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755845087900261,0.0,0.055868854149685065,0.0,0.0,0.06910392369183878,0.0,0.04417297355633669,0.06049591836905969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526420351978738,0.0955567955900858,0.12842872818007034,0.0,0.061126228712785176,0.11377455036462103,0.0,0.07332941270204679,0.0,0.12365718509724268,0.13976614717589128,0.0,0.0,0.05609496364984415,0.16046782755627995,0.0,0.0,0.13244152378096113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602920357936501,0.0686371871380923,0.0,0.07537753594912103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642597464051903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509965857188235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399174610498697,0.13928845198774265,0.07350994000872499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838834709725983,0.04723864207586932,0.13069487824215129,0.0,0.1181108308903096,0.0,0.056161547633337375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656512481115598,0.0,0.0,0.3359449119069787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958995892861391,0.05158123672720153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566889611009974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531896669291317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491982805259209,0.0,0.0,0.0761229864265397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422866530865908,0.1272345597277617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658786815230142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865037097647464,0.0,0.0,0.06692733679985202,0.0,0.11333278298571753,0.0,0.06614507823817764,0.0,0.18934930803443487,0.0,0.05340968578560176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750967411363103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085706773620953,0.0,0.10618897072133733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390578642558717,0.0,0.045406476447076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055182210125404266,0.5128108586675276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034792902793078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950178988568307,0.07312172872330187,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miserybizness,2019/02/10,I wish I could do it tonight. I just ruined my chance with someone who could have made my life amazing. I don’t know what to do. I feel snfucking stupid I just wanna run in front of a car I hate being here and being a. Mistake ,0.3875510204081678,2.2995506122449045,1.9585306122448998,98.47575510204081,83.6938775510204,3.92,20.004081632653055,3.1291,-0.6490930612244901,176,5,41,0,5,57,37,49,0.233,0.61,0.157,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,12,13,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,9,1,5,8,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824278654347086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442269379174606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36010365717338416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004506854601116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576255179418997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451242923165165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090416620105086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194311586764437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OklasChica,2019/02/10,"Help My boyfriend just hurt me again. He's done it before, but it's been a while. We just started therapy. I'm peeing blood. I am safe, at least from him. He just texted me that he doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to hurt anymore. I am sick of this pain. I want to die.",-2.304761904761904,-0.5213859206349163,0.06380952380952465,107.07285714285715,98.68253968253971,3.4349206349206347,13.349206349206348,5.033348758259628,-1.5844412698412698,209,4,58,1,9,69,44,63,0.34,0.583,0.077,-0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,7,4,2,0,0,10,12,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,7,9,1,4,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566001618721465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016834602584825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685308593515727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647804474769974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342770263859045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539721951604549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753171812722132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831372235149517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958912866806209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578339666493408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpicyNeutrino,2019/02/11,"Does my therapist think I'm making up my suicidal ideation for her? Hey!

I have recently started going to therapy and my therapist has made some comments that have made me concerned. She somewhat implied that I came off as ""saying things I thought I had to"" and that she thought I was worried that she often saw people who are much worse off than I am (which is definitely true). 

In my darkest times, I often think about suicide and I talked about that in my first session. More specifically, I talked about how I would use an inert gas and that I came very close to buying a helium tank online. In later sessions, she didn't really mention my suicidal ideation other than asking whether it was lessened or not by my antidepressants. 

I would hate to think that she thinks I'm just lying to her to try and get help but I feel like she does. What do you think?",6.16397590361446,6.502966361445786,6.23821686746988,79.90407228915666,66.10843373493978,9.290602409638556,32.26265060240964,9.120678840339163,2.6533513253012053,680,26,130,11,10,216,103,166,0.117,0.841,0.042,-0.8821,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,0,2,0,13,0,0,5,1,33,35,10,3,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,0,8,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,11,3,30,2,20,22,4,15,0,0,1,0,18,7,0,5,6,96,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206101095832416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951139105630117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22580098421311254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523304935611761,0.09216719576704026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097387285959909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740417449547591,0.0,0.07332128597142115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273740186673337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647495974668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302942848966578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415118911668446,0.08611744352943003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948396904148553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944164437481407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264928495266931,0.0,0.12738516410112882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259663059145667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131634560469724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233591459863688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739216127313911,0.0,0.0,0.1475380617733357,0.2995889925564706,0.0857107675481293,0.4133328736121489,0.0,0.2048444507234907,0.07522874861324326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759162711444786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142615129134524,0.0,0.10644956294482036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101936593598926,0.13147567228493048,0.18329482966084212,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway914249,2019/02/11,I’m sorry I’m sorry for everything I don’t think I can do this anymore I don’t feel like I’m the right person for the job. I don’t know what to do anymore,-1.55842105263158,-0.03783815789473266,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,88.47368421052632,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.5071263157894741,122,3,32,1,4,45,20,38,0.086,0.831,0.083,0.2263,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,12,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310895396268639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064433441967376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538688899956386,0.19128693240435085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657092822819389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715322796943775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081341931528245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337966466682029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866454284705745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5994680852328035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715690204028483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrettyLay,2019/02/11,New here 👋 New to reddit. Still trying to figure out how to work everything. I’ve dealt with depression for a few years now and only recently suicidal. It’s so hard hanging around. There’s so many people I would leave broken but I don’t really know that I can do this thing anymore. Maybe to my luck the world will end tomorrow and I won’t have to worry about all of that 😅,2.015274725274729,3.857208000000004,3.7326373626373615,88.14807692307693,77.97435897435899,7.534065934065935,20.117216117216124,8.418075326091056,0.9993677655677656,296,7,63,6,7,99,63,78,0.17600000000000002,0.772,0.052000000000000005,-0.7541,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,12,8,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,11,5,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,8,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306884979521666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20023424819332653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373077668873734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992200832756236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021514297813024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014919523506516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361494195445227,0.0,0.0,0.23816703702200495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280424178200914,0.2259711314162181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344751182170588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106842701027175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593725307490133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440950974706498,0.0,0.2220899751035783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962836610692565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460355119463807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943264677007972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527118359692662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637507868317585,0.2284260331580687,0.0,0.159782908956626,0.0,0.0,0.14484672091084713
suicidewatch,TyrannosaurHex,2019/02/11,"When you want to die, but an errand is more important. I cannot help but laugh at the comedy of errors this life of mine is. 

I was supposed to be dying today, had it all planned. There was a time window of several hours when I was going to be alone, and therefore popping 80 crushed pills, would have ensured my demise.

But no, my parents rang up this morning, there is an errand which needs to taken care of, which will take a better part of the day.

Death is cancelled. Smh.",2.8021315789473675,4.546214726315789,3.573881578947372,90.59029605263159,75.42105263157895,6.0131578947368425,23.453947368421048,6.6274283507984215,0.6073421052631578,369,11,76,3,8,117,69,95,0.267,0.608,0.125,-0.954,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,0,14,2,0,1,1,9,20,6,3,3,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,7,3,11,11,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,55,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530781446705063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161121899711758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491362652819695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157588796307181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072039394483326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887260964489556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378604343682088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064050885195684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259520268374193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118617801536469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713273725208059,0.26461271371814904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760516606879198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372459195594606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248539836457558,0.0,0.2316200216607991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412694321150352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358282108785816,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccwatch,2019/02/11,For Those Who are Close Throw away because a lot of people I know have my reddit account. For those who are close to doing it don't. A few years I tried doing it. The method I picked wasn't very conventional however not efficient enough. After a few hours of swallowing pills I felt awful and nearly died. After a while of taking pills I felt a feeling of whether I should do it or not. If you are close to doing it don't. You may think no one will ever think about they will. The amount of suffering I felt after failing to end my life was the worst pain i've ever felt. No matter how bad things maybe there is another person who cares about you. Even  if the person on the hotline maybe some person in office talking to thousands of others people its someone you can talk to. People notice whether its co workers or friends if you open up to them they will help. Even if you don't have anyone you don't know very well just ask for help or someone you can speak your mind to. If you are having problems about things like domestic abuse its okay to speak out. Nothing bad will happen to you. But back to the main point for those who are close I was in a position that you were in and maybe even worse. Before you do it I want you to think back of all the things you would miss and the people who might care about you. When you go away you may think no one else will be affected but know that others will be affected. I hope to those who see this they get help instead of going to the worst immediately. I don't want to make the same mistake I made again.,3.6475504046084213,4.755758094637226,4.116447675216018,90.09801810451242,72.15457413249213,6.901056096557403,22.615416266630092,7.079830092131019,0.5335531202852835,1224,28,263,11,23,385,148,317,0.13699999999999998,0.7859999999999999,0.077,-0.9475,1,0,1,0,1,1,20.0,0,18,4,2,18,17,0,0,16,2,38,5,0,6,3,60,65,18,1,12,15,0,5,1,1,11,4,2,0,3,26,9,1,0,12,0,1,3,11,10,1,3,9,8,36,7,42,43,11,31,1,3,1,0,40,15,0,14,14,206,62,2,0.0,0.1102877830061954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760533096436616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508559077736442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701976281127753,0.0,0.17490852862997752,0.1431497071390117,0.1554403392111099,0.05674235227383295,0.0,0.07920652506840062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898080403214605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660515068034546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775865491291757,0.0,0.08244364715624032,0.09617931560016736,0.0,0.1844407439273021,0.16839726934425628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706541186340532,0.0,0.3574959718594937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191546605396304,0.0,0.048631870888385866,0.0,0.10580209132215987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231272755966174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717412277311565,0.0,0.0,0.09245212771838186,0.09166771315981236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346745905580578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574706647626953,0.04547550728751839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913558610145661,0.0,0.08807710498083034,0.06213342758529292,0.0,0.2805422613974176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874603899369902,0.0939869959415392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931536475014806,0.10597527522388428,0.0,0.0,0.1261504981878747,0.0,0.099046559661391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581273064369524,0.2438286797717348,0.0,0.0,0.08799324207940651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906757644250733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417486347001698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773734572926912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998660897190123,0.14963270280797744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552003695668048,0.2385745523198205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319704577079831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360595808810246,0.1098051807814338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369252949919327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094859227449683,0.06612328210601445,0.0,0.0,0.05994220941063864
suicidewatch,Donut521,2019/02/11,"I Think I’m Going To Kill Myself The gun is just in the closet in the room next to me and all I would have to do is walk in there and shoot myself.

I hate myself so much. I’m quiet and awkward, have no experience talking to girls, suck at everything I try, and I stutter when I talk all the time.

Everyone probably hates me. Literally no one would care if I were to end it all right now.

I’m sorry guys.",0.8443965517241381,2.4973042873563216,3.435158045977012,89.80377155172415,80.83908045977013,6.648850574712642,20.070402298850574,7.6454224807358475,0.5418057471264364,311,8,72,5,8,109,55,87,0.293,0.674,0.033,-0.9686,0,0,0,2,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,3,12,17,7,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,1,12,1,9,14,4,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,5,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172849347523464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887566244585872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036405049229801,0.19153401046522234,0.20846735289564536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111815953983088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110173450954132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208138607986965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578015982163936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666403831012854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665020863991575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441223207038814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297740033157333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199903624705066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238564782311284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425875111653273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655547980630345,0.0,0.0,0.12426906396693715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446910883605639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027815473714025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MobMania45,2019/02/11,"Let Me Pull the Trigger, and End This Curse Called Life *Let me pull the trigger, and end this curse called life.* 

Hello, my name around here is PK Edge!, but you can call me Reid. Reid Schafer Thomas. ’m a simple 14 year old who spends his days like any other teen and goes to a private school, but like many others here I have a few...issues. For about 2 years now I have been through an endless loop of slowly growing anxiety and depression, and this year this barrier I’ve been fighting for so long to contain has broken. For the longest time I’ve always had problems with my emotions. I would cry at the dumbest things, feel anger in the skip of a heartbeat, or maybe forget what I was working on for a few seconds until it hits me again. This school it’s been different, though. I’ve grown and matured into something of a shadow. I never talk to anyone outside of my small friend group, I don’t trust anyone, and I never show emotion. I feel like it’s best to mask the pain, mask everything I’ve been feeling over the years and forget about it, but now I can’t. **In December of 2018 my academic anxiety and my major depression had gone to a level where I had to skip my exams this year because I had to tell my parents I wanted to kill myself.** I was instantly put on medication, Lexapro, and sent home until I came back January. By now it was supposed to die down, but every once in a while I can feel myself coming SO CLOSE to just taking a knife in the kitchen and slitting my weak and mortal flesh infront of my neck. All of my depression is coming back, these thoughts are becoming more frequent, and now I can’t fight it. My soul is a slave to existence. I’m not contributing to anything, I just hurt those around me, and I can’t bear watching it. And it’s not like I’m scared, either. **I want to die, and I’m not afraid to be the one to end it.** 

I can even see this on the side with my athletics and video games. Voices kick in my head and tell me, “You waste the oxygen on this earth,” “You will never be able to improve,” “You’re a retarded piece of shit and should stop trying to do something you will never achieve,” “Give up and bang your head on the wall as hard as you can.” I feel like such a disappointment, such a patch of dried up grass in a field of luscious green grass stretching for miles, just waiting to be put out of misery. It even keeps me up at night, at least once or twice a week. Now, ontop of all of this, I have a old grandparents, one with parkinson's disease, and the other with cancer. I don’t think I’ll be able to take anymore pain, whether it be because people regard me as a wasted slot at school, or because of personal problems or family talks. This may not sound as extreme as it should be, but I just don’t know how to put how I feel into words. I just want to lay down and dream forever, never having to watch the world take what I love away from me. Even better, never having to watch me take what others may love one day. This prevents it. 

In short summary: I only have one true friend, I feel like people hate me, I have grandparents that could die in as little as 2 years, I love to write about depression and death, I don’t think I deserve to exist, and I know where Dad keeps the just cleaned shotgun. People will forget me when I die, and I accept that. My parents think I'm fine, and I lie about those words. I could cut myself to death at any moment, and I accept that. I feel like an empty husk walking the earth, my mind, internet, and games the only things keeping me alive. Maybe I am not as tragic, or have as much suffering happening in my life currently but I still feel lonely, and devoid of hope for the future. But, After All, Death will bring me to a better place, a place where I can be myself, without a single care and no way of destroying those around. It is always sunshine, and filled with our imaginations and dreams. Isn't that what Death will be, and not an empty void to laugh at us for our sins? Right?

.

.

.

.

.

.

Right?",4.004389416553597,4.802378330845773,4.626265038444142,87.9311275440977,71.03980099502488,7.439312528267753,25.314699231117142,7.486611883883027,1.0667221890547265,3094,86,654,32,55,989,340,804,0.218,0.657,0.125,-0.9985,6,2,2,1,3,3,118.0,3,6,0,5,38,49,8,2,41,0,62,17,5,4,10,136,108,64,10,11,27,3,10,7,2,10,8,2,3,1,44,48,1,8,18,6,1,15,22,25,0,6,15,18,87,24,109,70,12,108,2,9,6,3,37,50,1,8,49,451,131,7,0.11030358434411873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178141841021598,0.0,0.0,0.07501021982507901,0.0,0.0843819401090638,0.0,0.054695758106042935,0.07712683085948814,0.0,0.045385225720362715,0.14729036367626086,0.0,0.0,0.05181692423162977,0.08481664772670057,0.0,0.10086006182297934,0.06091082139779237,0.0,0.0,0.05787840328939756,0.09755455662666973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894843844310778,0.06307895763975663,0.05623092779368098,0.0,0.0,0.09501677096562026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806843661443216,0.0,0.06058165397235887,0.07113668671410008,0.0,0.190008631132328,0.0,0.22895541171824596,0.057621884359209785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407668593056707,0.14654435383576664,0.0,0.0,0.10928171574211556,0.0,0.04646776358225162,0.0,0.049566874596158585,0.0,0.05199220127601189,0.0,0.2509776292331907,0.15760180539027338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522027564439469,0.0,0.0,0.05290662453719477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877054767616136,0.0,0.049405172870183034,0.05445097665910796,0.11320330012191952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055321744350845456,0.05477817387819813,0.0,0.0,0.05904113419668669,0.0,0.0,0.057564142142178865,0.0,0.14706434086291867,0.06101728662055799,0.0,0.060619965267586576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279288828834545,0.11686602553017733,0.18861065881448205,0.055276584652078464,0.0,0.048807600546585415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932993711504042,0.0,0.0,0.055915260846395226,0.11081477628307866,0.0,0.0,0.05555962835053598,0.0,0.0,0.05568758808513062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040542913093003466,0.0,0.2552187727393864,0.0,0.0,0.0517562208686149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574505670908458,0.11746971740693113,0.14948912686155025,0.08389084636357619,0.11737079072308368,0.0,0.12247907686501552,0.0,0.0,0.114705925301568,0.04815641762084965,0.11524376871841957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055456333928658,0.0,0.16632835248039587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419865834133187,0.0,0.0,0.05521656527216641,0.1674496742753474,0.043948837834527577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661252211206925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491708817365824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404429247108086,0.04610936778962022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586913595266106,0.0886578428702884,0.09641019454404126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328080015103304,0.1060171244762765,0.05418635578810471,0.043784362469648334,0.0321594535344918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03744444662610979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634081532192472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758986787023027,0.04377692552156222,0.04423944097560529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05316435955757196,0.0,0.04015116155593376,0.0,0.0,0.039178250776809725,0.0,0.0,0.21309567561762965
suicidewatch,girrlpig,2019/02/11,"10 more months. I'm gonna give it until the end of the year, I'm gonna try my best, go back to therapy, take medication again, exercise and eat healthy n all that shit. But if it isn't better by new years eve I'm done. It's been 5 years of panic attacks day in and day out, and a lifetime of mental illness before that. I can't even escape the panic attacks in my sleep because they wake me up, i can't handle it anymore. just one more year.",1.2388917525773202,2.4900290103092817,3.4933891752577324,91.61266108247423,78.48453608247422,6.087113402061857,22.434278350515466,6.6274283507984215,0.3909597938144329,342,10,80,3,8,118,68,97,0.221,0.7120000000000001,0.067,-0.929,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,4,7,3,2,4,0,5,7,3,0,1,8,13,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,6,2,10,9,4,18,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,13,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405593341298105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763868492389093,0.0,0.12720067143768618,0.0,0.10084079740626006,0.0,0.14076344789392545,0.0,0.17360204529363682,0.14630388534928826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133692985141953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928595501817892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692698192010086,0.0,0.0,0.14651636365363585,0.0,0.0,0.10926084277739788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586895578876831,0.09401414312794268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664704914508655,0.16670825640900488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203967841262765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976731204121558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209543066765547,0.0,0.0,0.3881783131991361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980512711702272,0.0,0.0,0.16554324137297274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437809103203575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917650273870096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231188404901724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261099480748413
suicidewatch,IsteakUsteak,2019/02/11,"How or will I be remembered I’ve been depressed for years. I’ve posted hear before. The reason I haven’t ended it is right when I’m gonna do it another family member dies. Also I hope my few friends would be sad. I might fake my death and if people truly don’t care like I think they won’t I’ll hang myself. I always think about how other people say about me.  If they even notice the worthless, pathetic person I am. See you later???",0.3041658341658362,2.5913856703296716,2.678121878121882,90.59642357642359,87.9010989010989,5.067332667332668,14.866133866133866,6.574015621080383,-0.3014703296703294,340,6,70,4,11,116,67,91,0.205,0.649,0.146,-0.787,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,2,0,7,8,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,3,0,13,20,8,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,3,14,4,3,12,1,7,0,3,1,0,7,1,0,5,5,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277003078491273,0.16936071781504544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134283438388719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731966614892428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752153234284254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530780585563158,0.0,0.21124130323924764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802751027914304,0.0,0.0,0.13443556181436073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918784146380022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572536936727513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294031978756975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021601106041825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943885348999007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159226689243849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317304521733521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822165703866147,0.17772236683499318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493405793097432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092719476867676,0.0,0.0,0.2305699613114466,0.17382115759638805,0.0,0.16186234846827488,0.0,0.0,0.16219419685856876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608390908602573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458823559780162,0.0,0.0,0.13107241535020314
suicidewatch,throwawayprime0,2019/02/11,"help me please help me understand that this is ok. please I'm having a small mental fucking breakdown over this and I know it isn't really a big deal but my cunt brain is against me. 19M

Alright I'm just gonna let it out. Whenever sex/romance comes up in any form, I feel extremely bitter and sad, especially when it's involving teenagers. Teens always seem to have a casual sex life and it makes me feel like shit, just the thought of high school students having sex is so alien to me. I'm not saying it's wrong, it just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. fuck. I haven't had any sexual or romantic experiences in my life and whenever people that are my age talk about sex and romance I get very bitter and resentful (I won't hurt anyone calm down). These topics come up a lot since I'm in college. I feel so fucking behind everyone else. Everyone has some experience and I just feel like a fucking idiot. I should mention that I have a fairly rough past, especially in terms of home life, which absolutely contributed to my current problems. I recently got semi-ghosted which fucking hurt me a lot. I feel like I'm not capable of love, or being a sexual person (other than masturbating lol). No girl has ever had a crush on me or thought I was attractive. By 19, every guy has been at least given SOME hint that a girl liked him, I haven't gotten shit and I'm sorry if I sound entitled. Please help me please.

Thanks <3 ",2.541610981610983,4.719806048951053,4.136915306915308,84.26953250453252,77.67132867132867,7.593680393680394,24.228956228956232,8.515128840125781,1.7273751877751882,1134,39,224,24,27,378,157,286,0.179,0.608,0.213,0.6868,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,0,9,31,12,0,11,3,23,15,3,2,1,42,57,16,0,3,11,0,7,5,0,3,3,2,1,4,16,11,0,0,11,1,0,2,7,18,0,0,9,11,28,13,22,43,7,23,0,3,0,9,14,14,8,9,12,130,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263624805121875,0.0,0.0,0.11872688454735035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103853824393071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744984198388733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150393442690932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999708266572269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292358531297834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896312411300753,0.07354961517069185,0.16682780197759073,0.0,0.17078208621030902,0.0,0.0,0.26483317499423464,0.2494536264079701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035130764827204,0.04560791836780872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981760822369662,0.0,0.0,0.08643555434791578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553554810989516,0.09223172541272597,0.0875637795732049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869017299152345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797492684578705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926482455858124,0.1849766492217376,0.2132390946735248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842979654997698,0.07878694505302063,0.0,0.11653988388503267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797260392955973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333274288560576,0.06051920739127059,0.07622243273539937,0.0,0.3832938069598693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352931280253416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592326987896137,0.0,0.08619306161792913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942031095034698,0.0,0.08834697543677747,0.0,0.07946988701829777,0.0,0.0,0.179213669614836,0.07221114215896095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720378467895308,0.0,0.09771935666066678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016423561498858,0.0,0.0803693028452521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860460508009992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087694215882194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202733381746472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908862712129284,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,05180416jd,2019/02/11,"I shouldn’t feel this way but I do and I feel so bad My parents love me, I’m in a relationship where my partner loves me, I switched my major in university to doing something that I’m interested in, my grades aren’t complete shit, I have a lot of reasons to not want to kill myself so why do I feel like it’s the only way I can actually be happy? 

I’m in this constant state of anxiety about my future and just I feel so alone? And isolated. And I feel like no matter what I do in my life, I’ll never be good enough for my parents or for anyone. I couldn’t meet anyone’s expectations because I knew doing what others wanted me to do wouldn’t make me happy. I started doing the things I wanted to do and it turns out... I’m still not happy. ",0.6310141509433969,2.559432144654089,3.4252476415094364,88.20504127358494,82.89937106918241,5.736006289308176,20.62932389937107,6.9077264865688965,0.4338455974842769,577,17,126,7,16,204,85,159,0.14800000000000002,0.62,0.232,0.9611,3,1,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,2,0,4,0,16,4,1,2,1,29,34,10,1,7,5,2,5,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,5,26,9,16,28,3,15,0,0,0,2,7,7,1,2,7,90,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.13206686979839755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016564238129878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353045938644098,0.0,0.0,0.18925794357376813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299858615455165,0.08249860511843704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189556248692642,0.14624842748597838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983663102241273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34214574056760305,0.19336587060096336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351208896760966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321980136624749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497274821170403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559070178736168,0.13223512131356202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505648262683732,0.24428919220844564,0.0,0.0903367749415269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437824630721017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292792333421907,0.0,0.0,0.300545711005766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914632167732507,0.0,0.14529851750032738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891883532689742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418704686114964,0.0,0.0,0.09579039766264208,0.0,0.10807824107831733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991017383620807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720498458876116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394712384903261,0.21484432350881785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211826237360443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,krista_unicorn,2019/02/11,I want to do it but I can’t I’m 13 and I feel like I’m just being an over reactive bitch and I just really want to end it all. I think about committing suicide a lot but no one knows. I have 2 best friends and they’re really my only real friends. They’re the reason I’ve made it this far but I don’t know if I can go on any longer. My grandma passed a couple months back and i just held it all in. I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about these things. I’ve cut myself and still do. A few people know about it from last year but no one knows about my recent ones. ,-1.1715776081424918,0.6502260916030522,1.3274503816793874,101.10043765903308,89.61068702290078,4.714707379134861,13.313486005089054,6.079149491110277,-1.1254736895674309,442,6,116,4,15,150,74,131,0.142,0.679,0.17800000000000002,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,2,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,3,30,23,10,1,3,8,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,8,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,2,2,15,5,12,20,5,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,9,74,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588816546696612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915825546745967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103875350621133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884021652001442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885611541523073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093726663888474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723340697539247,0.2434892757753808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633246890370029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968508734128444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746229024212524,0.13891111584977378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651249685707686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488089103316526,0.0,0.16125096278284154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602376997693671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464332068945257,0.12960842278848386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814442780720175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396978226821526,0.2183446547223162,0.17521518656173474,0.16826443016618176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609378203841824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864065462612388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697326562241474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321627257270407,0.10919516560356238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103057569164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974178795840192
suicidewatch,shawni2010,2019/02/11,"This is my last option Hello reddit. I'm not sure how to start, but I've been seriously considering killing myself, and I have difficulty finding a reason not to. I'm sure you've read through thousands of posts from people with an identical claim, but please, for my sake, bare through just one more.. I've been severely depressed for as long as I could remember. This was due to a number of things, though no matter what I was going through, I've always found a way to deal with these emotions though, up until recently. In 2016, my girlfriend of 2 years killed herself at age 14. I blamed myself for this incident, which caused me to experience a type of sadness and depression i've never experienced before, and left a deep scar in my heart that I feel cannot ever be fixed. This eventually caused me to turn to Marijuana for some sort of escape. I grew addicted to weed, and I am now to the point where I cannot go 4 hours without having inhaled some sort of THC filled vapor/smoke without having intense withdrawal symptoms. I don't even get high anymore when I smoke, the only reason I do it is due to the harsh withdrawal symptoms. On top of that, I went through a phase where I had been experimenting with Hallucinogenic Mushrooms in an attempt to hallucinate up some sort of way to talk to my girlfriend again, which left my mind and personality permanently crippled, only amplifying my feelings of depression and anxiety. I now routinely have daily anxiety attacks that I am left to deal with on my own. I feel like I've developed some sort of Psychosis. This, of course, makes it almost near impossible for me to get rid of my addiction.  As if all this wasn't bad enough, I've found myself alone, void of any friends I had due to my addiction, essentially leaving me to deal with all of these feelings of grief and depression by my lonesome, which has caused me to project these repressed feelings onto people who do not want to hear them... I find myself writing this post after being told that the amount of time it would take to reply to my call for help isn't worth my life, and to find people who want to listen. ",10.1443720190779,7.436257017199023,9.635019511490103,68.62610637375347,59.90909090909091,12.72143373319844,40.15739268680447,10.966923227221727,4.221748489666137,1694,66,315,32,17,548,209,407,0.201,0.7440000000000001,0.055,-0.9964,0,1,2,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,1,2,12,16,3,1,12,0,27,7,1,7,6,64,50,19,3,5,9,0,5,1,3,1,6,2,0,1,24,13,0,1,13,1,1,5,12,12,0,2,12,9,42,4,73,34,10,47,0,6,0,0,19,19,0,11,20,217,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614891144741558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006364605733532,0.08280953888788907,0.0,0.0,0.06652918362988347,0.0,0.0,0.05437232040320202,0.0,0.12233111420158375,0.0,0.07929413595568459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096065401167716,0.0,0.0,0.06675930460181237,0.0,0.0,0.06803603955484044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164326272758557,0.0,0.0,0.2464082383803444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638377712287147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472910949888142,0.2754614023367151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993890882757664,0.0,0.08261515973437215,0.0,0.05280969692217266,0.0723241126165989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642317822044502,0.0,0.0,0.2021389159818724,0.057120055632326035,0.0,0.0,0.21923298472542088,0.0,0.0,0.1753336372221875,0.0617732376067109,0.0,0.0835466494340155,0.0,0.09088083669827712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011539200856497,0.0947473712419254,0.05359232718784643,0.0844771248668767,0.0,0.0,0.07873982797574959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691730358895782,0.0,0.0,0.0651742105685776,0.0,0.0846610785464784,0.2606148805337805,0.0,0.05647476658685996,0.03906210264770692,0.0,0.0,0.07075789142383428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337075869974363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073202262057412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166642766216025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417975524845467,0.12161916037609362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662927355015532,0.06981385135138106,0.0,0.08776686830468247,0.07558356705464846,0.0,0.153150079937321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799768997066834,0.0,0.0,0.16441465312447426,0.07894617601885967,0.0,0.09057372626618404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032668846440584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659274645031893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071377768297153,0.16620826448958045,0.06011640697795319,0.06426501148831933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531187237486647,0.0,0.15711127925038726,0.0,0.04662255665019801,0.0,0.0,0.07640067989546127,0.0,0.0,0.08696836606101514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431937099273743,0.12692953180386102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411932953915633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414804002101426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679792457724485,0.0,0.0,0.05148856772778367
suicidewatch,nobodyhastodie,2019/02/11,"I always want to die most when things are “looking up.” It’s just a signal that it’s going to get worse. At the drop of a fucking hat. It always does!! As soon as people comment on how they think I’m moving forward, how they’re proud, I can feel myself going off the deep end. Just like last time, and before that, and before that, and then it all goes wrong and I fail to kill myself, and everyone’s like oh, what happened, you were doing so well! Bullshit. Bullshit!!

I’m so scared, and I don’t feel like a real person. I can’t enjoy jack shit. There’s nobody who isn’t going to hurt you, and if they don’t hurt you, it isn’t like they’re gonna help!! Never! I can’t even convince myself I’m an optimist anymore!!! I’m going to fucking smile and laugh myself to death!!! I’m so god damn scared!!",0.5690497737556584,2.4808835798816595,2.5308458057779326,94.62399582318136,83.02366863905327,4.449843369300384,17.04176818656457,5.0885558068054335,-0.6943737556561094,611,12,136,2,17,204,96,169,0.271,0.555,0.174,-0.974,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,3,2,2,12,20,5,2,6,0,10,3,1,2,2,21,29,18,3,2,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,3,0,0,6,7,11,1,0,1,3,15,9,13,27,2,19,0,3,1,2,9,6,4,2,12,80,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423443123675304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442145389806207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24783330145542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113637045705947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274379346166738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898104822242876,0.0,0.0,0.09618432835536082,0.0,0.0,0.13915149129652554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726534709600994,0.104034950147752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692570215976919,0.07608335997453554,0.0,0.3310495135421574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287762277495115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760976290321187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117904106546799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611131384187206,0.0,0.0,0.1187042917301331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845812285463332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228881833415205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547769551806604,0.0,0.0,0.11231543205976996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095844770178317,0.12715464760249795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575380220901245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915932391101633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948257479875598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674717077791306,0.09331099756871307,0.0,0.0,0.08491545225525153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589374564302382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093489377944645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840491671654296,0.0,0.1592187212949074,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SquidImpersonator,2019/02/11,"I’m worthless and I have no one to turn to The title says it all, I’m completely out of control, I lash out at people for no reason because I can’t control my urge to make them hate me and to generally destroy myself, everyone who’s unfortunate enough to have to know me is either worse off or angry at me for being a dumb piece of shit asshole. I want to die and no one would help me even if I reached out to them",4.578333333333333,3.7882535000000033,6.245555555555558,82.345,69.55555555555556,8.977777777777778,30.222222222222214,8.238735603445708,1.9274888888888893,325,11,73,4,5,113,60,90,0.344,0.606,0.05,-0.9855,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,2,1,5,4,0,2,0,6,1,1,4,1,18,13,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,13,0,18,11,4,6,0,1,0,0,5,6,2,2,0,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352872412749049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326907124120215,0.0,0.4978295772341386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303296180852461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293143261396928,0.0,0.1465835096401931,0.0,0.0,0.21206483753311625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911118089132314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487558510429882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196762106332334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481408449265993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30077274207687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385919769879486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818230643112775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648865223509005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780925769008695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24139749076166786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090081209466325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261669225344129,0.15765360549372762,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dont-risk-it,2019/02/11,"Just a rope My depression has been slowly getting to the point where all a want to do is kill my self. So much stupid bull shit that happens every single day of my sad useless life. Seriously why do I even try to keep going through everything that happens every single day. I basically have one “stable” friendship, only like two good connections with people in my family, and a shit mental state. I know how to tie a noose so just all I need is rope so I can end my fucking shit life. Basically all my friends are dicks, most of my family has no mental or emotional connection with me and I have no goddamn reason to keep living in this shit hole that I call “my life” I should just kill my self as soon as I get the chance.",5.075762452107284,5.395539779310347,5.9926436781609205,80.79394636015327,68.44827586206897,9.203065134099617,27.83524904214559,9.150863307647796,2.0804329501915704,568,17,115,10,9,188,87,145,0.265,0.629,0.106,-0.9846,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,15,8,0,6,0,12,9,5,2,3,20,23,9,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,12,0,2,1,0,19,3,14,21,7,10,0,3,0,2,4,4,6,2,5,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558388413473476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586333943839464,0.0,0.10592886564955084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834426905614775,0.10893033000069888,0.0,0.0,0.08123201643218697,0.0,0.207244374372084,0.0,0.11053314301512884,0.0,0.2318831464010913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501975858208137,0.11369986762342653,0.12851167863507784,0.0,0.06989657250755554,0.10315599431302952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175146996915188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863370047660066,0.27213466749214543,0.0,0.06759065752164227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606089090502772,0.060085430310849765,0.0,0.10860012563411137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788474040214675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040988861351756,0.0911935972212307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333944379799084,0.09353745817457694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526397618934199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626284411430987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645152862723666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566053572585933,0.0,0.5049791865267577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350037011143148,0.0,0.12014081704109282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254115381164711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097699719474964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sharkkuli,2019/02/11,"I’m so tired I feel like quitting everything I want to die. I have never been to a psychologist because my parents don’t believe in mental illnesses or atleast did knowingly ignore my cries for help during my teenage years. When I turned 18 I decided to seek professional help but l chickened out because I knew that the medication and therapy would be expensive and was sure that my parents would not pay for it. Now I’m 20 years old living abroad and studying in a university, and seeking help seems even more unlikely because my health insurance doesn’t cover mental illnesses. I’m trying to push through university so that when I graduate and get a job I can finally afford to go speak to someone. My brain is fucked up and I need help. I’m so fucking tired.

Since forever I’ve had this feeling of loneliness which gets deeper and bigger and it eats me alive. At first I thought I was depressed because I was lonely with no true friends or a partner,  not doing the things I wanted and was constantly surrounded by people who I didn’t like. But over the years, I have managed to gather myself around loving friends, a boyfriend and adventures that I couldn’t even dream of before. Hell, I even left my homecountry to start a new life studying something that I really enjoy. Still nothing. My mental health is in the same state as when I had “nothing”. I feel utterly lonely even when I’m with my boyfriend, cry and wish death during the nights because I feel so empty and broken. On top of that my emotions rollercoaster from 0 to 100 from good to bad. I cry so much and actually feel my emotional pain also physically. I will probably wake up tomorrow, be in a perfect mood and laugh for wanting to kill myself yesterday and this cycle would go on again. I’m crying because I know that I will never reach my full potential in anything because of my mentally ill brain. I don’t have any hobbies that I’m good at because I only have the mental capacity to focus on a few things a day and the number one priority is ofcourse to survive with my studies. I push so hard and put so much effort into school  just to barely pass my exams. I feel like such an idiot. I’ve been practising guitar lately but I keep toying with the idea of “what if i wasn’t mentally ill and used my time and brain power to do this instead of crying and doing nothing during my teenage years?” It’s so fucking sad and seeing young talented people everywhere makes me feel really bitter.

I guess I really don’t want to die but living with my head doesn’t feel like a life worth living for. I’m afraid that some dark night I will end up really killing myself.",6.174021547379031,6.5588072753906275,6.822774697580645,75.5637071572581,66.08984375,9.887701612903227,32.922379032258064,9.778596075983213,3.1619655241935485,2103,84,382,42,31,693,248,512,0.214,0.627,0.159,-0.9924,5,4,1,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,0,7,26,33,8,1,19,0,36,22,5,2,5,76,78,42,5,11,10,2,9,4,3,6,12,1,0,1,20,29,1,2,15,3,3,6,13,16,0,2,13,12,57,16,53,56,7,57,1,4,1,4,13,22,4,6,32,250,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.05800635882527176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753537013834925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042227879897882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04891531451850812,0.05291556411743061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049631194751833516,0.2898800402183849,0.0,0.050580364032103226,0.06697024919435621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906921822840176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423517703821836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264686482301446,0.038334869433772366,0.0,0.051196902767077064,0.0,0.1233818472548407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082352487761695,0.0,0.13372744148289625,0.05264755247999811,0.0,0.0,0.1570422800754278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053422214434040514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404433890582728,0.12739512292253155,0.0,0.06511529073594115,0.0,0.0505609351299081,0.0,0.0,0.09184875739483728,0.16485821022395086,0.062111492228009435,0.0,0.06756398276292587,0.09971347051251503,0.0,0.0,0.06548154689288366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324793545539193,0.0,0.06100415875548176,0.12636713375150435,0.0,0.0,0.1593696185859778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710225222512549,0.0,0.0,0.05898654663702006,0.05283436311844539,0.13152649210121406,0.0,0.0653350208156977,0.0,0.06705263503375357,0.0,0.06458339636772636,0.0,0.08397062119669514,0.11616051637972405,0.0,0.15746388026969851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364830165964462,0.0,0.039677682906963316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059881088000814923,0.3594184892094515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739272809437759,0.04407514138177815,0.09168994492094934,0.05740900016575999,0.0,0.11156369862194172,0.0,0.1711072538084945,0.0,0.06237388668915695,0.0,0.04027911914872951,0.04520796217233596,0.06324997895658532,0.0,0.1320055694710531,0.0,0.0,0.08241854515731095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640880230445019,0.0,0.0,0.059755155602494614,0.0,0.06322338405462123,0.0,0.0,0.1523190650553197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060158001884193325,0.04736720356189175,0.0541133365273446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049170647943315465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050364615551270635,0.045760993914664434,0.0,0.0,0.0420730209424719,0.0,0.047470082714636805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602293864940161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797657004007357,0.0,0.0789806226731502,0.0,0.0,0.04718993520912018,0.034660834212337635,0.13663858927517553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035689708745625,0.06465531567424103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051338396929658366,0.0,0.0,0.1402406180990658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835482607598961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667667254805384,0.0,0.0,0.15311358604662434
suicidewatch,dude_perfect21,2019/02/11,"I Need Help (Advice) I'm friends with a guy over Playstation, and he seems like an okay person. He told me he's 17 years old and likes to draw anime. We always play with each other and talk, but there's a problem. The guy I'm friends with is a shy person, and he doesn't have any friends in real life. His only friend is me. I know we're strangers, but I care about him. He told me in secret that he sometimes has suicidal thoughts and he never told his parents about it. I asked him if his family cared for him and he said no. He was speaking to me not go so far for a half-dead stranger I hardly know to help out. 

I tried numerous times to talk to him about it and help, but he always seems to block me out. He said ""it's pointless. All the advice in the world can't fix something from within me"". That is not true. I know for sure that advice can help. 

So, should I leave him to his business to figure and fix it himself or should I get involved to try to help? I don't know what to do. He seems self-centered all the time.  ",1.0354109589041087,2.707582712328769,2.2585821917808246,98.37280479452058,80.32420091324201,4.927945205479452,19.62579908675799,5.341637118332708,-0.4758951598173518,790,19,189,3,20,252,112,219,0.098,0.708,0.194,0.9648,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,9,1,13,1,0,0,5,43,34,15,1,5,7,1,1,2,4,2,1,3,0,4,9,15,0,1,10,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,7,4,27,12,28,25,3,15,0,0,0,0,48,9,0,5,7,109,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065596806181738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740245827435924,0.0,0.0,0.07111255433110382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776071537147976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132362719182208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858118658113632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231683093853554,0.0,0.054634560406844716,0.0,0.059430684486492975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070854660472067,0.0,0.0,0.09367598303701592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35046207800353363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22988017279211265,0.0,0.0,0.11072666208138776,0.0,0.0,0.07386230489085359,0.1021772062043034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775388221369143,0.08065238259120176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973073606470801,0.0,0.0,0.07953172759423803,0.0,0.0,0.1161148444611652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261649532236332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006129306864796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902584379138108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894386100624398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855952978040896,0.10909141519872648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050464404011026,0.10342439412231416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438480879615215,0.0,0.09855788408926401,0.0,0.0,0.1681020448332011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301849700578001,0.12195356270456036,0.0,0.0,0.2997691174319998,0.0,0.14199506420894806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734094743098565
suicidewatch,morbidplant,2019/02/11,"life isn’t even bearable anymore i’ve been in so much pain since i was 9 years old. 5 years later and i’m still in pain. i know people have it worse. i know people experience things that are worse than i’ve ever experienced, but i’m sick of hearing that. i’m sick of hearing that my feelings aren’t fucking valid because i’m young.

from the moment i wake up, to the moment i go to bed, i’m in so much emotional pain that it’s hard to cope. there’s always this heavy weight on my chest, suicidal thoughts race through my head. i’m so sick of living. i’m so fucking tired of life, how long is this pain gonna last? it’s like it doesn’t have an end. i’m a tiny insignificant dot in the universe, it wouldn’t matter if i was gone anyway. i’ve gone through 3 inpatient hospitalizations, countless medication changes, two therapists, almost 10 crisis evaluations, multiple suicide attempts, etc. i’m sick of hearing life is worth living, that’s a fucking joke. i’m sick of hearing MY life matters, it doesn’t. i’m one out of 7 BILLION PEOPLE on this planet, it’s not gonna make a difference. everything is getting worse, there’s no way out. everyone says it’s not gonna last forever. fuck off, please.

it literally feels like an effort to move my body at this point. things that used to be effortless require enormous amounts of energy to do, if i even build up the energy to do them. normally i don’t, normally i can’t. nobody understands how serious it’s getting either. i try so hard to scream for help, but nobody realizes it’s this bad. i can’t do this for much longer, i’m 5 years worth of tired. 

TLDR: i’m 14, kinda wanna die, i’ve lost energy and my will to live, it’s not gonna get better, my life doesn’t matter, etc.",1.6323018108651937,3.7415147492957743,3.589376257545272,87.39408450704228,80.38028169014085,6.874044265593561,23.66398390342052,7.957251820313856,1.3120406438631789,1356,48,285,25,35,458,167,355,0.272,0.6409999999999999,0.087,-0.9979,1,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,0,0,1,5,14,16,4,0,9,0,23,26,4,4,1,34,63,13,3,6,8,0,5,2,0,6,17,6,1,0,26,4,1,1,7,1,2,4,13,12,0,3,7,12,19,4,37,49,7,33,0,1,0,4,7,14,4,4,16,147,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861907968985332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532881584924383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786345364753566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555478481170436,0.047860583834278964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943806029052345,0.0,0.08720985678513936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305597524181835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148373706199019,0.08202901060788652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883161658072637,0.06953890574156868,0.0,0.17512472137022894,0.10371373214125333,0.07101918852446974,0.0,0.07502220341999942,0.07056210894981277,0.0768004388973651,0.0,0.0,0.07939671162424357,0.05608945416288922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903347259645157,0.12305886029039992,0.0,0.04462054936609888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066382918645282,0.0,0.08057663168962739,0.0,0.3539578590028324,0.0,0.052625375553452786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629700033733444,0.12799658038917988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772790394518527,0.0767146317247174,0.0,0.2079843299826008,0.06948122623035037,0.0,0.0,0.08570583406630314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240780476470256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909323678006233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344652369946658,0.17314749865425316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385145797988284,0.0,0.0,0.08238582085768265,0.0,0.053202204810965534,0.0,0.3341719884501151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329236136558026,0.0,0.0,0.08618331481473307,0.07421983352166303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062436412011184085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649464769303592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270030517927158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176019599035486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115924014969047,0.10432063442199338,0.0,0.0,0.0623302756135618,0.0,0.1804774872274877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053304936894322065,0.0,0.07669545251429974,0.08173443946402249,0.0,0.06780972289967467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231968856837523,0.0,0.09560725851096986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400332992489004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167872094189358
suicidewatch,Throwaway02181890,2019/02/11,"I don’t know if I’ll go home tonight I packed what little I could carry after being berated by my brother being called fat. I have a midterm coming up and have been trying to study all the while I told him twice to keep it down while he’s playing video games. So I got fed up and started blaring music through his wall.

Then yelled at my mom for a stupid reason then he came downstairs and said something snarky to me. Then called me fat while he’s fatter than me. So I blew up at him. Now I’m in my car trying to calm down but I don’t think my life will get better. I’m tired of this trying and getting no where.

I’m tired of this hateful little shit whose never supported me. I’m tired of the world and people being mean to me, I have no love to give and no love to receive. I feel I’m just trying to avoid my life falling apart rather than feeling happy and that there’s no hope for me.

I wish they never adopted me so they wouldn’t have to deal with me. I wish I was never born. I wish the sailor who impregnated my birth mom never met her. I just don’t want to be me anymore.",1.7829094194714266,3.1104225021459238,3.119670205556812,94.53810932911678,77.19742489270386,5.420284617122205,20.417664332505087,5.399115186594226,-0.2545141630901289,845,19,195,3,19,275,127,233,0.151,0.6890000000000001,0.16,0.6365,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,9,12,3,1,5,0,16,11,3,1,5,35,48,18,0,9,5,3,2,0,0,2,7,2,1,0,7,10,3,2,6,3,0,6,12,4,0,1,8,4,36,8,29,33,1,36,0,0,0,2,25,14,1,2,16,127,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882070856862144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704551453176608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22408914840399508,0.12549962015006766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452097109920893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760889332891797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312476790815293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096356521866327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465672058050852,0.10526111291755663,0.06236096103211715,0.0,0.08775951944513631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680751501989665,0.0,0.1083337002260682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100661482347387,0.10898468001784736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753130365766548,0.0,0.0,0.06030364878602141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500828761572574,0.0,0.21995260025212016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980676397349482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952597893521832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570242558528886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33851604647497696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607159129315187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281867717222248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437647211188476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263423313647213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447398870243149,0.0,0.0,0.0776660555581291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245180539305738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030928299502824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783486434409102,0.0,0.1048498230183754,0.0,0.2979924846027872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472042768025489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785454146691577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DXFMLXC,2019/02/11,I need a friend I honestly haven’t ever had friends (14 soon to be 15) I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 months and things have been fine until last week. He’s treating me like 💩 and calling me hurtful things and Ik it’s not right but I don’t wanna let go. I have no one else to talk to. He’s the first person that showed me that I mattered. Whenever he calls me stupid or idiot I take it seriously and ✂️ myself and think about ending it all. I think I could just avoid all this if I had just one true friend but I’m too “weird”,1.0747457627118635,2.4207656271186444,2.812000000000001,95.91901694915256,79.16949152542372,5.7369491525423735,18.57966101694916,6.2581,-0.35737898305084714,416,8,102,3,10,138,79,118,0.163,0.6940000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.5346,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,2,1,2,0,11,0,0,0,4,24,17,10,0,4,7,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,6,0,3,4,0,14,8,7,10,2,11,0,1,0,0,11,1,0,3,10,64,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795679153378145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833301746372473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986505423727767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680122928447995,0.0,0.1662485704680943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978752314388718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965952434485464,0.0,0.0,0.4350551135866321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066755719910704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585483856107915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093924949195355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300246881642726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919383716883423,0.0,0.09170188775775293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982222622627522,0.0,0.0,0.13917891531013915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543839423773557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389445336058006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602967826397075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112880852345205,0.15086804014116514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24940220381716116,0.2405441755752892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056350438607544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abcdefthrowaway12399,2019/02/11,"I fucked up and ruined a good thing I cheated on my boyfriend.
I owned up to it and told him the truth.
He was willing to take me back and forgive me, but I couldn't do it. I can't do that to him. I fucked up. I don't deserve his kindness and forgiveness. I betrayed him. I broke his trust. I hurt him. I really fucked up a good thing. I couldn't accept his willingness to take me back because I can't live with what I've done. I never thought I'd be the type of person to cheat, but I did it and I feel terrible for it. I can't live with myself for what I've done. 
I'm so sorry for hurting you. You don't deserve to be hurt. There's no excuse for what I've done. I hope that you find happiness within yourself and with someone else.  You deserve to feel better. You deserve someone who won't hurt you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.  ",-0.7987779433681048,1.2056685683060169,1.7109215101838051,97.611717585693,90.09289617486336,4.420168902136116,19.24714356681569,5.852544927426893,-0.27195956284153056,640,20,153,5,22,218,81,183,0.327,0.535,0.138,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,6,0,1,6,24,5,0,4,0,18,3,0,0,2,23,31,11,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,9,0,0,7,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,7,2,36,11,21,18,1,9,0,6,0,3,21,6,3,1,3,108,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104899983658448,0.0,0.0717650516572585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104119623801165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36142560211370656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834548028065937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905222742078855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759999309092999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265090749658219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748699791442384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532217052689826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169290918627077,0.0,0.0,0.5041151039107927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259415301039725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790951536493454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079802291659522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027943390790607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541868397593142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994987572935029,0.0,0.0,0.3953559204034352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703152607936695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642466343777145,0.0,0.0,0.09346178192700293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124928254640612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustPassingTimeHere,2019/02/11,"There is no hope for me. Everyone just leaves me behind.
I’m not growing.
I’ve been in this house for years and years.
People think I’m a freak.
My co-workers dislike me.
My family disowned me.
No friends.
Zero motivation.
Saving money for what.
For what?
You want to die, so do it.
What are you waiting for?
Someone to save you?
They always leave.
You don’t want to be a day older than 25.

I hate this stupid life, guys. I fucking hate this shit. My life is just pure disappointing shit one after the other.

Everyone who says they love and care about me just leaves.

I feel so empty.
And it’s Valentines Day this week and that hurts.
I feel so sad.

I want to keep going but I don’t know if I can.

I have no one and nothing anymore. ",-1.134961981849397,0.7537645496688761,0.96991905813098,98.0697767966642,105.49006622516556,3.5615403482953165,15.52636742702968,5.5874745759252304,-0.7177330880549428,561,15,125,5,27,184,91,151,0.225,0.6759999999999999,0.1,-0.9513,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,4,2,1,8,16,6,0,3,0,10,6,2,1,1,25,28,10,1,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,5,0,1,2,6,10,0,3,1,3,22,6,14,26,0,10,0,3,0,2,11,1,3,2,7,82,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731384428786615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139822847822646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374731664891935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18185202043911225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632395088475178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26944137822600084,0.0,0.0,0.1329115437596799,0.0,0.14257618699150104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892747486677272,0.13034172742301334,0.0,0.0,0.08012709418234708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396009215200185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27839418948869976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003353341083916,0.0,0.16268196306444227,0.15093125697343018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531718281057316,0.0,0.0,0.07748367032586563,0.0,0.0,0.4478598433327161,0.0,0.0,0.19916889437340235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724775372964278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528240422912846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107510490830415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774377205329056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211982677714324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894456293588694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945921861636576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033982875174844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494762613546035,0.0,0.11309258409579626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026414103494718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158412556589013
suicidewatch,spookyspiderlady,2019/02/11,"I don't ever remember wanting to live. I lost a friend to leukaemia at a very young (age 7) so I had some sort of understanding of death from a young age. Also being raised by my old school Catholic granny I spent the entire summer of the following year attending funerals (a minimum of 2 or 3 in a week for her friends, neighbours and family members.) Even though I had  had a concept of death I had no idea what suicide suicide was, I didn't realise there was a name for what I wanted to do until I got a bit older. I just knew I didn't want to be alive. My mum used to tell me it  was normal and would pass when I got older but it never did, 

I can't explain it. Even as a very little kid everything just seemed grey and miserable, even my favourite memories. Has anyone else experienced the same thing?",2.913545966228892,4.369389829268297,4.3678048780487835,86.21696998123831,74.4878048780488,7.729080675422139,26.03001876172608,8.384062270229773,1.6400849906191368,628,22,132,11,13,209,105,164,0.13699999999999998,0.815,0.048,-0.912,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,12,0,17,0,0,1,2,25,30,11,5,5,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,15,2,18,2,18,12,3,20,0,2,1,0,9,3,0,4,14,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238381366084438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827878406498208,0.1586680790227188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906243899064385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936215994873398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068424092946016,0.1400759472771103,0.0,0.0,0.13917441832794425,0.0,0.14598427738550904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392824318496549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477046778078392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481336221016153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520620532940768,0.13674051875463625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904341127293782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943434848297077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172581639025093,0.0,0.0,0.16249512474879935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542144723448172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672234872145382,0.0,0.1409749149256274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33877424760438324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535080490621415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287932029929478,0.0,0.15214504867541034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612103611848762,0.0,0.1337457012268954,0.0,0.2555445248059534,0.27401390961601674,0.0,0.12421599132680547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100051255479279,0.0,0.0,0.09972206553911693
suicidewatch,agaga10,2019/02/11,I’m scared I’m gonna kill myself I grew up with no friends. The only friend I have now isn’t really my friend at all. I’m too crippled by social anxiety to seek help. I’m hoping people on the internet can help because you don’t know how worthless I am in real life. I’m sorry if I wasted your time and I probably am since you probably can’t even help me. I just don’t know what else to do.,-0.6520454545454513,1.2828506136363629,2.457909090909091,93.11436363636366,88.31818181818181,5.792727272727273,17.89090909090909,7.1686216300943375,0.19942818181818206,306,8,72,5,10,109,60,88,0.194,0.596,0.21,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,0,0,5,7,1,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,1,10,18,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,12,4,8,17,1,7,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,2,2,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679561163456045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697459152726512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029978546276574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674178291471386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447620831204736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858602204257965,0.0,0.0,0.19059043980930368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122982689937933,0.0,0.21091586344707267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355378467227239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594127708565596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303262476139885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137805589800718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841325687951532,0.12292988784766225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211574090405745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873370112594587,0.0,0.0,0.1956080719699204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480556449651897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189282079381492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ellie_0822,2019/02/11,I don’t know what to do I did all the depression tests online and they always tell me that I have severe depression or major depressive disorder. I don’t know what to say to my parents. I want to go to therapy but I am too embarassed. Can someone please Help me? I don’t whant to be part of this world and I am addicted to cutting. I feel so embarassed. ,-0.09932432432432492,2.210627445945949,2.4446486486486485,90.71589189189191,92.1081081081081,6.203243243243244,22.264864864864865,7.554174236665415,1.2520097297297297,277,11,59,6,10,95,48,74,0.16399999999999998,0.731,0.105,-0.3071,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,9,15,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,2,13,0,8,13,3,2,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,44,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923982983386785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260527520551034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5670523344539922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25151600605466856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109637316097576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472210908613705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470969749077859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412149568480411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368032141202545,0.2376498564427085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24089718626133086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174520509057702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247923225650952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594466513048125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181453514529556,0.0,0.2509674781484814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944104945850524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordVader66,2019/02/11,"I'm absolutely broken I dropped out of college, I lost my house, I've lost the last 2 jobs I've had, i cant find another job, I'm about to lose my car. I cant keep doing this shit. ",0.8524806201550383,1.0051866511627914,3.9953488372093036,91.94713178294576,77.83720930232559,7.593798449612403,23.635658914728683,7.793537801064563,0.7382775193798445,138,4,38,2,3,51,30,43,0.35600000000000004,0.644,0.0,-0.9318,2,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,4,6,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,16,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643738143234997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23043660907784935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29091704406028124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003879873173848,0.2240992406685698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055145684609288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820620701767507,0.5504458775121849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25880148396013186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,d_k123456,2019/02/11,"Emotional Dependency on a Friend Has anyone ever felt non-sexual emotional dependency on a friend who you also have no romantic interest in? I have a friend who was also a coworker and someone I knew in high school. We started smoking weed together and became closer, but after an accident, we've fallen apart. I don't know if he's seen me as a friend after the accident, but ever since then, I felt strong urges to hang out with him and stronger feelings when I'm not around him.


We used to hang out alot, but we've been seeing each other less frequently. We'd go a while without texting each other, and then one of us would break the ice (Me usually, but he has before. Most recently, actually. This happened recently after 11 days. We met up and smoked.


ALSO, unrelated, but I feel like he's been orchestrating some things in my life. I was mentioned in an old work group chat (we were all good friends) by an old coworker I had not seen in a long time and honestly did not have a friendship with or anything. But, I thought it was funny that someone would mention seeing me after a long time; I just find it sketchy. Has he been feeling my vibe of depression and wanted something small to happen to boost my morale? I mean, good friend, but that's a little too much. I saw that coworker again the next time I had classes, but I could tell he was ""bumping"" into me when he looked like he was hesitant to see me again.

There was also a girl who I worked with that I knew did not like me at all. She saved one of the messages referring to me (it was friendly) in the group chat, and I knew that she wouldn't do that since she doesn't like me).


I know it sounds like I'm overthinking everything, but I'm not. I really don't want to live on this Earth anymore. I get maybe 20 hours or less sleep a week wondering whether my good friend is working tomorrow or not or whether he's gonna want to hang out with me. Or if he's even my friend at all. I'm that stressed over it.


Should I just tell him I love him? I'm a little confused about my feelings. I've always been confused about my sexuality. I've had a strange feeling of attraction towards males who look 'nice' or give off a 'nice' vibe. The thing is I really DON'T know if I love him or not. I don't know what's going on.


Please give me advice or support or something.",3.3064373522458617,4.66419001489362,4.4650709219858165,86.30361111111111,73.31914893617022,7.945626477541372,26.6725768321513,8.515128840125781,1.7267612293144208,1817,64,383,32,36,596,210,470,0.067,0.716,0.217,0.9973,0,0,3,0,0,0,55.0,6,1,0,4,18,31,0,3,25,0,37,4,1,3,5,97,84,41,0,11,33,0,7,5,9,5,1,1,0,2,23,23,0,0,19,2,0,6,15,4,0,2,27,16,56,27,46,50,11,64,1,1,8,2,53,27,0,20,35,255,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.07079477261915984,0.0,0.0,0.07089145355599613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206115939453775,0.060364374729376676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194648536948338,0.05072609467509796,0.0,0.059699464663238964,0.0645816321791945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173160052044178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057922357288740775,0.0,0.0,0.0467863941111008,0.0,0.06248406491292077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320975845494792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047916179944269416,0.13124465378219344,0.0,0.0,0.06519998152378732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183408071555516,0.05182712690320457,0.13931174548712585,0.0,0.06630604957080644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044421701451691,0.0,0.037902473611245865,0.13918613874349012,0.08245952502128569,0.1825453092116508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830499535418138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664920179832094,0.0,0.0,0.07144354135618497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594783067369588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051241632423579264,0.17721241065134696,0.1454210025294955,0.06405975612089393,0.12840247361912085,0.12184132539393497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095182646575446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728825594218452,0.07902424279210703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332991450683888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715386619739935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225038133606447,0.0,0.0983185684874263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963410699042398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295009887309412,0.0,0.14326153704712524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342077921910492,0.17343014491931652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200221807119254,0.0,0.07259874206119407,0.0,0.12293657378991335,0.11169944897848008,0.0,0.0,0.05134867989207033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310159876477156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232473821564328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268174149407312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639314269506097,0.0,0.0,0.057593698358240235,0.12690708018292907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726432659923443,0.06265675368825066,0.07989955520416675,0.0,0.12836915044348954,0.0,0.05819230600542415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993209253395849,0.07867342190595515,0.1584438203700076,0.0,0.0,0.1030696911029475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1928822737,2019/02/11,"Frustration and new lows I try, try, and try.
I put all my effort, time, hope into everything but I never receive anything in turn. 

All I get is failure and it pisses me off.

I try to show my dedication, intellect, everything I can but I’m never going to be enough. I literally feel like god or whatever higher being fucking cursed me.

It has gotten to the point where I obsessively reevaluate my entire life - I try to make myself a better person and right all my wrongs - but I have a feeling that nothing will happen because I have selfish motives. But I just want ONE good thing to happen to me, (not necessarily an action or event) I just don’t want to live with the everlasting dissatisfaction of myself. 

Everything is just exacerbated with the fact that I’m in between wanting to die and being suicidal. 

Everyday my actions slowly become more impulsive.

I’m always upset, annoyed, frustrated with trivial things. I just hate myself so much. I could literally have a mental breakdown over a wall being painted white.

What’s even wrong with me?",3.643865979381445,6.3959500360824775,5.467226804123715,73.14207731958766,76.98969072164948,7.797525773195876,27.741237113402057,8.697196308434329,2.72323175257732,833,35,134,19,20,284,120,194,0.241,0.6509999999999999,0.108,-0.987,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,7,16,6,2,8,0,14,3,1,2,6,36,32,12,2,5,11,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,3,1,0,5,4,12,0,1,1,3,27,4,19,25,6,21,0,1,1,1,2,10,2,3,7,103,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087563225891996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075583780404509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967603617368374,0.144352463839763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559719836880945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435662760796424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135650271300454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505232549995996,0.0,0.08632885781760688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352405384228723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217589006747374,0.0933750702732493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083387975648276,0.0682875233193995,0.0,0.07428218004387607,0.10962843909602596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311624948838296,0.0,0.0,0.12904328752835598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981871172480094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232020593007012,0.0638554451562249,0.0,0.11541415831611206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724603449624223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317190404056746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608258864209884,0.0,0.20161419496922767,0.12623488172434733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541415622595314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856851411833767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412582154930802,0.0,0.0,0.12355766826733483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139377063040722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162062922421966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429691250352535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366805784586398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621464046801574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436976881575391,0.14216858164089766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127808080051995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858089376428682,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jjman2212,2019/02/11,"I don’t know what I want I’m 20 and I’ve had severe depression since I was 7, and since then just developed several personality disorders to make shit even worse. I’ve been grappling with suicidal thoughts since I was at least 14 and I’m exhausted. I can’t do it anymore. But I know I won’t kill myself. There’s nothing I can do to make this better but I can’t take the only escape. It’s gotten to the point that I can’t handle the emotional pain so it manifests into physical. I don’t want to do this anymore but I have to and I can’t take that. It’s either spiral out from here, or just, I don’t even know",0.00182957393483818,2.0827996090225582,2.861984962406016,90.33608521303259,86.74436090225565,6.554185463659147,20.14486215538848,7.793537801064563,0.845251027568922,480,15,109,10,15,169,70,133,0.16899999999999998,0.758,0.073,-0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,3,0,17,3,1,2,0,22,30,10,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,15,1,10,23,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191286111234383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229828437825567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857836661931688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439926183126287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809848781008404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253885964583086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800614351104554,0.0,0.26527055285561474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479691900510975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543828009634095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236766713276424,0.17120330134787518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140487043275154,0.0,0.0,0.1520974942673299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635304211289386,0.1651560941782023,0.3992812675758173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759926840672136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419455768498126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277324171718566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897997216576691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396544168939226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DimbleFimbleKimble,2019/02/11,"How do I help a stranger on the internet? Someone replied to my post about depression (written years ago) on another website and said he was going to kill himself and wanted to talk. 
I sent him a message through that website's messaging function and shared my own experiences, lessons and ideas that were generated from those experiences, words of encouragement and little tricks I've picked up over the years to overcome those suicidal whispers (or shouts, depending on the day). 

He's in another country far away, so I sent him some regionally applicable info and hotlines (generic and often disappointing, I know, but I had to) but I don't know what more to do. I hate the idea that he's reached out and I might be able to do something but that he might slip through. ",6.8910015649452285,7.8309051267605625,6.767558685446009,74.64449921752737,64.63380281690141,10.254773082942098,39.0172143974961,10.25414643259724,4.1518472613458535,616,33,110,14,9,195,91,142,0.118,0.8320000000000001,0.05,-0.8897,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,3,0,6,0,10,0,0,3,0,28,19,14,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,7,3,13,2,20,9,3,18,0,2,0,0,16,10,0,6,4,74,20,0,0.17196363397047199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243538582287405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606377280069933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156549481193302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090231771446413,0.0,0.1481120259579863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364268625148037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773089608891923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977848680473662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526359901257535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882520225343917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902522824562859,0.0,0.1890134319852464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235273770601922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648524809098662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469362620478312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357679518186008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457042290200963,0.13238600681349358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810030473649209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821785511878332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142860673990904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147788445555536
suicidewatch,420_librarian,2019/02/11,"Will Life Ever Stop Being Terrible? Every time I think things are going to get better, my life crashes down around me again. It's not always big stuff but I've reached this point that it's all too much. I can't keep living like this. It's just all too much. I see the logical answer to be just to stop existing entirely. ",1.3392857142857153,3.600579984848487,2.9265367965367983,90.87409090909094,82.48484848484848,6.195670995670996,18.51948051948052,7.447530270364453,0.4273662337662341,253,6,53,4,7,83,50,66,0.141,0.804,0.055,-0.6772,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,14,10,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,7,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,6,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007276091468282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475111239445846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335356602933767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821169924404307,0.20325166570376765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260358107384423,0.0,0.13709993173217327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442156842851076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34078412677271064,0.11785568445184195,0.0,0.21301573562756107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546723140247478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280459172634992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922337940753476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033680592869128,0.0,0.0,0.2761574114235602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026642500706995,0.15457423585553692,0.0,0.0,0.14066660400899905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LAzershark21,2019/02/11,"Every day I cry every day I wake up and I don't feel like going to school..... I know I'm only 16 but I don't feel like my life is not improving. my school life is crap and I don't spend time with my friends. I spend most of my days in the library or in the corners of the school. my friends know I'm depressed but they don't care. I have taken a knife to my wrist and my fore arm...…. I do it so I can feel some sort of feelings.....  I am always asked "" why I don't have I girlfriend its because no one would be able to love a broken person like myself. I help all my other friends so i can ignore my problems but when no one talks to you, you have to try to work your problems through. i have been rejected by multiple girls and even some guys because they say that they don't want to deal with all my problems...………. I just want someone to love...…….. i want to feel OK at least.",-0.8889336384439375,1.1042166421052677,1.1706864988558363,101.38284897025171,90.47368421052632,3.935926773455378,17.734553775743702,5.192301501255418,-0.7992562929061786,662,18,165,3,23,218,97,190,0.242,0.639,0.119,-0.9661,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,3,1,5,15,1,0,5,1,19,6,3,0,2,32,36,11,0,6,6,0,5,3,4,1,2,1,0,3,4,6,0,1,7,0,2,1,9,6,0,2,2,6,35,9,20,32,6,11,0,2,0,1,19,5,1,5,8,107,39,4,0.12586235697550735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472756362682004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766431360280982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344904920021515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832506122290144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382538890966194,0.24351242374860185,0.12975856344419914,0.10840506363508616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313089974616313,0.0,0.21208892830161866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31819894713752483,0.17983218594358102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917228343526039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153047796833555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462352145732734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843628848160627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383413196174826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780060984781235,0.18446997019504532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271913823297912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057518086000933,0.09572399405489357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098981553735912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408665550859265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009079801202794,0.0,0.3821382741892728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066427666265612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116339495556607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339135251068142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085452278564274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271063737613586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135712005330874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162929489160614,0.0,0.0,0.0894090072279631,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shiupai,2019/02/11,"Wish I could just cease to exist Without hurting anyone. 
Just as if I never existed. 

",2.293125,5.122662062500002,4.492500000000003,77.1025,84.625,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,2.0601,67,3,10,1,2,23,14,16,0.0,0.708,0.292,0.607,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30905040073164136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528938674672785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731605325876535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34089072553338645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082678645917389,0.4260635745773653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mystikitten,2019/02/11,"I want to die because of my narcissist parents. They successfully convince me that I am a failure. Maybe I really am, because sometimes I do fail. But do smart people always have a right to look down on everyone else?

My parents constantly tell me I'm worthless. My mom says I should just kill myself, but then forbids me from doing so because then that would mean I wasted 16 years of money that she spent on me. My dad constantly threatens to kill me or hit me, and often they actually do. They tell me pretentiously that grades don't matter, but when I get something that isn't an A they remind me how stupid I am, how much of a pig I am. But I tried hard for them, I really did. I have all As in school. I'm a honors student. I skipped three grades in math. I'm taking Calculus II in my sophomore year of High School. But sometimes I don't do that well, and when I tell them I just want to be left alone, they ridicule me or hit me and tell me how weak and useless I am. They say I fail because I am lazy. I'm not the smartest person in the world, I know that. Maybe I won't become as smart as them, ever. I'm not as smart as them, but I am constantly judged for what I can't do. I'm trying, but it seems like I just can't do it. In eighth grade, I told them accidentally that I wanted to die. They yelled at me, hit me, and told me that I should just die for a whole entire day. And when I actually tried, they screamed at me that they'd never forgive me and that I was a curse to the entire family. I really can't do this anymore. I told them that I would call someone before, but they said, ""don't threaten us, no one would want to help someone as useless as you."" I really, really want to die, because maybe if I do, I will get yelled at a little bit less. I just don't want them to find me, though. I'm only 16 so I can't buy a gun. I don't want to have an attempt that makes me even more useless than I already will be if I get a disability instead of death (ex: jumping off a building). Please help... or tell me how I can die quickly if I can't purchase a firearm. Thank you.",2.1042090620031786,3.1618843626126183,3.880869104398517,90.49786168521463,75.86936936936938,6.845151033386327,24.094859565447802,7.285733465282438,0.7845388977212502,1603,49,372,18,34,541,180,444,0.24,0.67,0.09,-0.9977,2,1,1,2,3,4,61.0,1,2,17,5,21,23,4,0,17,0,44,1,0,5,3,56,76,40,8,15,21,5,1,1,0,8,1,6,0,1,17,7,0,1,5,0,4,1,16,13,1,2,7,8,88,10,39,55,6,32,0,6,1,0,42,17,0,8,15,259,105,11,0.0,0.0,0.14266770993454125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570828036043305,0.0806663104920468,0.0,0.0608240325214344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249433768733661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280165879240535,0.08073184846736316,0.062201669353634005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980492450467365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464201717737769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369814049065036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714265938696699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793249126437265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106464256700781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828104822255053,0.06612202251494244,0.0,0.06984900738409038,0.0,0.0,0.06891101480125117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681095155119512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457327096861156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654821399240572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799312944849473,0.07723286398350146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174591720475767,0.0,0.0401731723343415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942202756884666,0.0,0.0,0.03571236669635796,0.0732641713494724,0.0,0.0,0.061384556465958265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879399664523615,0.0,0.220312619043613,0.07962599024867724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561239603529144,0.0,0.0,0.05373600685622109,0.0,0.056378277876825436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953361841276413,0.05559490859754308,0.0,0.0,0.16233506702057598,0.0,0.0,0.050677483175376,0.06382702647707847,0.0,0.08024049839190557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414471954996766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062425950237776175,0.06953366978970134,0.1162621518643031,0.0,0.14795971574268987,0.0,0.06654637487700682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387270133740726,0.056275004485278224,0.14459310546657606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496117784100359,0.0,0.31945773501425145,0.06729952635408186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718191704543726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095470221522711,0.0,0.14888779965161952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792881998411313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018088395917599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572457310534048,0.0,0.0,0.08161216627935748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578180686187848,0.0,0.0,0.09414642257988208
suicidewatch,futurelullaby,2019/02/11,"Enough pain. I can sum up my experience of life as never being loved, accepted, cherished, or chosen. 

I can sum up my experience of life as always being in agony by someone's hand. Loneliness. Isolation. Abandonment. Loss. Unending grief. Never belonging anywhere.

I'm done fighting. No one will ever love me. I've been trained to be a punching bag since I was born. Enough punches. Enough touching. Enough.

Just saving up my paychecks so I can properly kill my self and never have to worry about anyone hurting me ever again. Maybe I'll pussy out, maybe someone will revive me. Hopefully they don't.

 I'll never have to feel pain again. ",1.7439743589743593,4.419875085470089,3.1308162393162418,83.03571153846156,97.2905982905983,5.758803418803419,23.798717948717947,7.1686216300943375,1.7651712820512824,503,21,83,10,20,163,79,117,0.28300000000000003,0.5920000000000001,0.125,-0.9679,0,1,0,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,7,14,2,0,1,0,14,7,1,0,6,15,19,5,2,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,3,3,12,6,14,11,4,14,0,4,0,2,5,5,0,2,9,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078754678351682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065116998328147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267239061804662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358339616011399,0.0,0.0,0.2345436110469423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536364135274742,0.0,0.0,0.06555267610241207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876726545793002,0.0,0.0,0.13878822278644573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343357194167278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314494584307325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340203076267149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604927237266583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39996250492338975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785116734840942,0.0,0.27590397225822244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524856391930073,0.0,0.0,0.1072441233172842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969647612676466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166133030909516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YYYEEEEEET,2019/02/11,"How can I help my suicidal dad?!      My dad is suicidal.
     He's super stressed about his job (he owns a company). And there's constantly people that's on his back. So all this stress has taken it's toll and I'm worrying for his well being. We are very close, and he admits that he's been having suicidal thoughts but that he's too scared to actully do it now.. but if this continues, I have a sick feeling of what he could do.
     This is just the tip of the iceberg... it's all so complicated and fucked up. But stress is the main problem I think.
     I'm his oldest son and im worried sick of what I'm gonna do. It's like nothing i say is getting to him.
     I know how it feels about being suicidal because I've been in hospital under suicide watch and the person that helped me was my dad.
     I just can't loose him.",0.20228070175438612,2.2992486432748542,2.549239766081872,92.81578947368423,85.95906432748535,6.173099415204677,21.28070175438597,7.475848149327749,0.7519052631578949,622,21,142,11,19,212,98,171,0.289,0.636,0.075,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,0,1,13,9,1,4,6,0,19,3,0,2,2,26,32,14,5,3,6,4,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,14,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,5,4,17,3,12,23,4,10,0,0,1,1,22,5,1,1,6,93,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726485903439913,0.0,0.07710860197338831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669336309457225,0.0,0.10099390039894332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279167311420225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694019916769305,0.06608706592664575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957039852676944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663351414077973,0.0,0.12552420354273755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951692308591252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061797804469735415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137288347496188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769391350950641,0.11044829752258836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103615774502875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059184524549596,0.12664097394809604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43468990117950784,0.0,0.0,0.6918108559514488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105123183398512,0.0,0.1004208479741822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436948952871083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373187199141516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25691837453955346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weeabooreviews69,2019/02/11,"I don't know why I'm posting here. I just feel so fucking done and I'm not even close to finished with high school. There's no way I'll make it through. I feel so worthless and unmotivated. I probably shouldn't. I'm aming the top in my class and I have a family and friends that have my best interest at heart. But my family fucks me up unintentionally mentally all the time and school overwhelms me. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and moderate depression about a year and a half ago by a psychologist. I've been going for a fucking year and a half but it feels like the progress isn't good enough. I just want this mental torture to end. I keep having thoughts about attempting an OD or hanging myself. The only thing that gives me pause is thinking about what it could do in terms of pain to my friends and teachers. I want it all to stop. That's literally it. I'm an agnostic atheist but in all honesty I'm still afraid of what could come after the end of this life too. I don't want to burn for eternity or be taken to any alternative that could be even worse than this. I've also thought about writing a suicide note. Someone please help. I would go to my psychologist/therapist, but my next appointment is a week from now. I'm so fucking tired of this pain and worry and being overwhelmed and hating myself everyday of my life. Hell, if I go through with it and I survive maybe it'll wake my family up. If I get irreversibly fucked up from a survived attempt, it still doesn't feel like it could get much worse. I can't do this for another 3 years. That's all I've got. Sorry and thanks to anyone who wasted their time to read my goddamn jumbled up and incoherent wall of text. ",2.7166275659824057,4.787445765395899,4.029618768328446,85.7644281524927,76.68328445747802,7.5671554252199416,26.542521994134887,8.460557738077197,1.865490322580646,1350,53,276,27,31,443,176,341,0.22,0.6579999999999999,0.122,-0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,7,18,23,8,3,16,0,25,13,2,1,4,57,60,27,2,11,11,0,4,2,2,3,6,0,0,0,23,20,0,2,8,1,0,5,8,15,0,2,7,4,30,8,40,43,8,38,2,4,0,5,7,12,6,4,21,181,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825678307092324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059918878705003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003487684698984,0.09257151249850716,0.06753558907534349,0.0,0.0,0.061728919113231126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264665059460744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604723938447204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819443941683608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603727063122508,0.08960450530301706,0.0,0.0,0.10117897127896587,0.0,0.0,0.09034327158194216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563835302383778,0.09121904129836148,0.0,0.11661903069572828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249673610440402,0.0,0.17855239337905587,0.12613754498430252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641311184285349,0.4080770407671031,0.09224754015564096,0.08468826503607901,0.15051830964191726,0.07404686351275205,0.0706072854087125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716032790067678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461475107010587,0.05917365193920381,0.0932749191162358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846921493167135,0.0,0.0,0.0485175507790152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471256079793752,0.08626038044539505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058929008400031964,0.0,0.0886912671699313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793524905351354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648975246368467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388904855138296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714253926693832,0.18787682486269064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690726992786736,0.0,0.0,0.08454987868792754,0.0,0.09518306946467643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830602205110302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786924607807993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480116366281922,0.0,0.0,0.09882461862040212,0.0,0.0,0.14100444875273271,0.07380781507367074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656632325805646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812783257471708,0.0,0.10250235919325726,0.05865072549547765,0.056567625286683625,0.0,0.1401723026445768,0.10295604182534067,0.10146732350835233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621326567941748,0.07007424691076931,0.07081460091554513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966089240920389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965479000976417,0.1799340686148164,0.06271309338783901,0.0,0.0,0.17055239502248745
suicidewatch,Rejected_Onion,2019/02/11,Relapse Idk what’s even going on at this point. I have no motivation so I’m shit at school. I’m on meds but I don’t feel that different. I have this thing where I want a girlfriend extremely bad. For the obvious reasons and the emotional connection you would have. I’ve been trying to talk to so many girls after being rejected. I thought I found someone I really liked and yet again I’m rejected. I just relapsed in cutting cuz I fucking know that I’ll see her around and it’ll hurt so much because idk I feel something for her but fuck idk. I just want to cut but I just started sports. I don’t fucking care anymore. I self harm for some attention and cuz sometimes the pain gets my mind off my problems and nothing really does that for me anymore. The last bit of motivation and purpose I had died. I’m fucking done,0.9935255306942068,3.515160584337348,2.7049053356282293,89.74901606425705,87.73493975903614,6.0534710269650045,25.374641422834195,7.447530270364453,1.511073780837636,651,29,132,12,21,214,101,166,0.28800000000000003,0.615,0.097,-0.99,1,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,11,16,7,0,5,0,11,6,1,5,1,31,31,14,1,4,6,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,14,0,0,5,3,21,2,16,23,3,15,0,3,1,4,7,9,5,1,6,84,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709074893164908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215879256629232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404119220303632,0.08325979645379047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911338197127766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925558396127222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175170502655646,0.1427002802591563,0.0,0.0,0.11952480043252585,0.13977194270405607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363761574979887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021185635181243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812104908340408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497563309067939,0.0,0.5050755392156154,0.07135903798618656,0.0,0.07762332926697092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621504468968372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750625055843241,0.11133346457791804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672760872019244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847383649939785,0.0,0.0,0.1517130453284265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791000615609805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004043016855888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105517820985205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453340594175295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911518700325472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069159081470433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499727601780926,0.14043018549847724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822939966949854,0.10883905560872052,0.0,0.14248597194089435,0.0,0.1402006001957266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572642631381147,0.1051483513245756,0.13508418872439454,0.0,0.09667422861476767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978033055890757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073974962341064,0.0,0.0,0.10843173327060186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273096649156794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611205146609668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702472295182198,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abuchewbacca1995,2019/02/11,Burnt every bridge And hurt everyone maybe they'll all be better off without me ,3.0440000000000005,6.125569733333336,3.068333333333332,86.4225,85.0,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.0003333333333335,66,2,11,1,2,20,15,15,0.18600000000000005,0.6559999999999999,0.158,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774720770350469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595994660032276,0.4078280244322692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569008424899252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42878042006612216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114223244995708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Gun209,2019/02/11,Being killed wouldn't be so bad if someone killed me they'd ironically doing me a favor by freeing me from this cruel world. In harsh reality i don't have any friends let alone a girlfriend since valentine's day is around the corner so this gives me a good opportunity to plan my suicide and i have my doubt that anyone would miss me and i don't want a funeral because no one would care to remember me personally. ,5.8234939759036175,6.077916891566267,6.806891566265062,75.82696385542171,66.83132530120481,9.531566265060242,32.26265060240964,9.3871,2.769917590361445,334,13,65,6,5,112,61,83,0.349,0.494,0.157,-0.9668,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,2,3,12,3,1,5,0,13,0,0,0,0,10,17,5,4,5,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,12,7,6,10,0,5,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,1,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261535571008465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849127083847868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526813433793017,0.0,0.0,0.1943853636260303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232023035074346,0.1331093175647012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263104808869635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408231710032096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870323885400365,0.0,0.0,0.2094693744831728,0.0,0.1831487535592944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4831626652758082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328636501181376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796537375820698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066222358030374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473576190625501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806284113116056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501445219581525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388487628172276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128793503381297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102312330582996,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oofbigowie,2019/02/11,"Will 1 gram of Clonazolam + as much liquor as I can tolerate kill me? Will mixing 1 g of Clam with alcohol and muscle relaxants kill me? I weigh 140 pounds if that’s important. If my math is right 1 gram of Clonazolam is equal to about 4000mg of Xanax but someone should fact check me.
I’ve already decided on this guys. This seems like the easiest, most accessible way to go. My second plan is to buy heroin an OD, and my third is to hang myself. ",3.0599068322981395,4.316988282608698,4.927018633540374,83.14717391304347,73.78260869565217,9.170186335403725,25.099378881987576,9.606745405546679,2.064877018633541,350,11,76,9,7,120,67,92,0.109,0.789,0.102,-0.3939,0,0,1,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,1,11,10,7,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,9,2,13,7,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054110536094647,0.0,0.0,0.3153644533578447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624149050452955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829663379694197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6323446857925995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961728176996802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008059404819776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24405387518028746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601626504053708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421397886239173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268382268949633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CompetitiveSteam,2019/02/11,"A Happy Recovery About a while ago some of you saw my post. Ive been feeling alot happier in general and been striving to get better grades. After that recovery it boosted me and I started getting A's. Thank you for everyones support around here, I am so grateful to this community",2.7822222222222237,5.5199857407407436,4.745925925925928,77.06666666666669,80.48148148148148,8.044444444444443,33.074074074074076,8.841846274778883,3.601096296296296,226,13,38,6,6,77,45,54,0.0,0.634,0.366,0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,4,8,8,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,4,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29055292621783685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29178940856956204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898905162994344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132032374227036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573298295582162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424980132946153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489227812346532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139180234622778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320009642209361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719553975956229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017713539607733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SirMittagh,2019/02/11,"What should I expect when I buy a gun? If things don't improve in the next few months, I will buy a gun to kill myself with this summer. Is there anything I should or shouldn't do to make sure that goes smoothly? I am not certain if I could pass a rigorous background check due to the fact that my medical records indicate that I've had depression, so is there any way to ensure that that won't impede me?",7.012857142857143,5.1897102857142885,6.928571428571432,82.7914285714286,65.19047619047619,10.304761904761904,32.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.376676190476191,320,10,70,4,4,102,58,84,0.231,0.713,0.056,-0.9344,0,0,0,2,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,3,14,13,5,1,7,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,9,2,6,6,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754913671989496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753589832582585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671622183032807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28820272813701664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702010453475897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233575830156642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370886126483725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670858694407445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558660076836771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153699322489712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230281222206988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656011843162767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeirdMuppet1994,2019/02/11,"Help I don't know if I want to die. I just don't feel like I want to exist anymore. I just feel like every problem I have and manage to solve to a degree, manages to spawn more problems. I can't leave my family behind; I've tried it once before and I know that the consequences would destroy them if I did anything stupid. But I just feel angry, hollow, and empty all at the same time. I seem to attract people with the same mindset, so going to them for help just results in multiple people with the same dilemma. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my family because it would hurt them, and I want to end it but that would hurt them too. I know I'm loved, and I love them, but the void in my mind is forever there, when I'm alone, when I'm at work, and whenever I close my eyes. I don't know what to do.",2.6024242424242416,3.0286259090909127,4.27659090909091,90.52446969696972,74.0,7.2303030303030305,23.18939393939393,7.1686216300943375,0.6111303030303037,624,15,147,6,12,211,85,176,0.18,0.71,0.11,-0.635,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,5,1,9,11,2,0,6,0,14,3,1,1,1,41,32,14,1,10,9,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,9,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,4,27,5,19,28,5,10,0,2,1,2,10,5,0,3,6,98,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143482219037163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739115971843735,0.0,0.0,0.11400388278217805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445067370834759,0.0,0.11788451017756353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377920075079234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270237778860198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672312715201892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612001031515636,0.0,0.2101449224933732,0.1979412624129698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873358729286388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857164315016488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966127604501917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806806788406568,0.0,0.0,0.14669034001473988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536404726847526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500695233822894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988255348989173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753704185839106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208777974097546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26512178416009097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611858954891786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111350534958013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078185164649665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405731130012383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451375680261145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085635232474467,0.0,0.0,0.2952374459933277,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pathofraven,2019/02/11,"The ideation comes in sporadic waves Yesterday, I was almost perfectly fine, in fact it could be said that I was almost having what many would describe as a ""nice day.""

Today, I just want to curl into a ball and disappear, and never be found again. I know this makes it sound as those my suicidal ideation is situational, but it almost always feels as though it's there in the background, just waiting to boil over.

Somehow, I never end up going through with it. But I feel as though it's impossible for me to be like this forever. One day, I'm just going to feel too much, and I won't be able to stand it anymore, living life in what feels like a world of ice, where no fires of human warmth light the horizon. 


I feel as though I got frostbite long ago.",7.778885714285713,5.906671193333337,7.556476190476192,79.05300000000003,63.73333333333333,10.438095238095238,33.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,2.5076571428571426,589,18,122,7,7,188,95,150,0.047,0.836,0.116,0.8506,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,4,31,27,13,1,3,5,0,6,2,0,2,1,2,0,1,13,6,1,1,7,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,5,9,11,5,22,15,1,24,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,4,12,84,24,0,0.14385308282708462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275170783278622,0.0,0.4321442487496892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196972887423316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266360368802108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239166932330816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148549812055428,0.0,0.0,0.18554667550970536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741113352769692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636822048944548,0.10276867111487427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772748030084427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351004413245368,0.0,0.11505245156602745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905789223864045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160768664184792,0.1405586999388635,0.0,0.12702490764696708,0.1273054515094472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602304982457376,0.1458444473525109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574856782575784,0.0,0.2218967314750027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747857187067804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683722379305907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169689230554335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735192431269934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240047704868469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363559022205974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484827535627286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218910269378208,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SexyStalin123,2019/02/11,"I am done I am a bisexual male (15) and am just done. I get verbal and physical abuse from people in my neighborhood telling me i am unnatural, i have my peers at school who do not really care about me. I have been molested and assaulted twice. I just cant go on living with no one who really cares for me and my wellbeing. I would have told my friends but really only one person cares, the rest just use me as a way to get food and drinks for free cause of my fucking social insecurity. So i guess this might be goodbye. So goodbye to who ever the fuck cares about a dumbass like me.",3.928750000000001,4.521145708333332,5.796666666666668,80.22000000000001,71.08333333333334,10.0,26.666666666666664,10.125756701596842,2.4106666666666663,455,14,98,12,8,158,76,120,0.174,0.675,0.151,-0.3104,0,0,1,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,12,4,1,5,0,15,4,0,2,1,17,27,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,3,4,0,19,8,13,20,1,6,0,0,0,2,9,3,2,2,2,74,23,1,0.0,0.1705180905580575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5869318201158165,0.14784238458951046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945540796239456,0.0,0.1409838528962484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018114990198165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402498627152518,0.0,0.11118990353107122,0.26609786219617737,0.15038136660499749,0.0,0.08179133761484021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854078135833988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031056802901789,0.0,0.1270813320609318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267317521861126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950437436278478,0.10945535019422907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997739146956358,0.12566275781616626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765907122178867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456516694585448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670523957193704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578978593656834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751884402383527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242980648613416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142346017734232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223449505296496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashcansaresexy,2019/02/11,"(edgy post title goes here) To be honest I don't know why I'm posting here because I already know what the responses are gonna be; people telling me not to do it. I don't know why I want to tell other people, because it's the same thing and it just gets me closer to being hospitalized. I soppose that's the main reason though.

I can't talk to anyone.

​

Whenever I start, people go ""Well then if it's really bad I'll call the mental hospital."" I have a mom (shocker, i know) n she says the same thing. I have a therapist, and she says the same thing. Everyone I tell about it ever just says the same thing. I think that much makes it clear why I'm making this throwaway account. Yes, trash cans are indeed physically attractive, but I just don't want to be hospitalized or people to tell me that. I don't want to be shoved away or put in a metaphorical drawer and then closed off. I want to talk about it but I can't, I want to seek help but unless I go to a place for people who are about to kill themselves and I'm forced to stay there, I can't. My sister went there, too. And she absolutely hated it, she was just put there for weeks on end without being able to talk to any of her family members just being absolutely alone.

​

I hurt all the time. Nah not like... mental. i mean i do. But I mean I have constant headaches every day, always feel like crying and feel stressed out, hear this ringing in my head regularly, get spots in my vision, become dizzy, constantly have to tell myself to shut up because I'm saying things in my head, I constantly feel tired and I constantly am in a state of exhaustion in general. It's very first world. I'm sure others feel more pain then this and go through more then this. You know, other suicidal people, or h\*ck, even people who aren't suicidal go through this. Which makes me feel worse. I have no right, no place, to be feeling or thinking this way. I feel ashamed in myself.

​

Then there's me as a person. I'm lazy. My therapist says ""lazy people don't try to not be lazy"" but I personally disagree. I have horrible grades in school, a B in english, a C in my history, and Ds in everything else. Well- rounded, non... lazy? What's the word for that? active? anyway, people like that don't get bad grades. Theres nothing for me to look forward to because of these grades, I can't get the job I want and I will likely fail at being at any other job. I want to do chores but my mom won't allow it, usually because I do a sloppy job or mess things up in general. I'm rude to people and constantly lose friends simply for the fact I'm a bad person, and in general ending it would be the best way to change it. And of course I am *relentlessly* stubborn, to the point where when people tell me I'm nice or smart or w/e I just think they're lying to me, so I'm in a constant state of upset.

​

Let's talk about the future. What's there? Well, for me not much. Again, shit grades, so I definetly won't be able to go to college, much less get a job in therapy. I waste my mom's money constantly, and I, as previously stated, can't work well. So most likely I won't be able to get a blue collar job. I'm too rude and unkind to ever have friends to be roomates with, so most likely I'll just be homeless. n getting back to wasting my mom's money and whatnot, there's a bit of a timecrunch thing going on here too. The quicker I end my life, the less money I waste for my mom. The less people I make upset. The less trouble I cause. and it's not like if I have a future, I'd enjoy it anyway.

​

I don't have friends. I'm weird, my sense of humor is weird, ect ect. I'm sure you saw my name, or my reference to my name earlier. Yeah. I think that's funny. It probably isn't, I'd imagine. No-one really... talks to me. I'm the weird, autistic kid who no-one likes to be around unless they're laughing at me. I was bullied at my old school and at this one I just am... ignored. Unless people are laughing at things I'm saying/doing, of course. I spend most of my days alone, just thinking to myself. And these emotions are pent up inside of me because I can't let them out.

​

If I did it, I'd probably just overdose. A gun is expensive n i dun got the money. I'd want to be away from my family so I don't hurt them, and they just think I ran away or whatever. Better then them thinking their kid is dead, yknow? anyway there are... more then enough paragraphs here. So. Thoughts?",1.018104234380644,3.1442296153846168,2.8873148022751884,91.48659878340557,82.7486457204767,5.752658902130732,20.66550424340917,6.996647511020387,0.44182160527266223,3457,102,747,44,96,1152,322,923,0.207,0.6920000000000001,0.101,-0.9988,5,2,0,1,0,1,176.0,0,2,5,6,52,53,6,4,37,2,69,7,3,7,7,125,140,58,4,12,38,6,8,8,3,6,4,7,1,5,50,25,0,2,25,0,7,11,27,26,4,2,8,18,101,27,101,107,22,93,0,4,4,0,50,43,1,15,41,480,151,14,0.10968857945878063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573619198304092,0.04034802500402679,0.0,0.030423228359533514,0.2376950600323688,0.2665672601114578,0.04972799694242197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02556560171469464,0.0,0.0,0.03254869701587184,0.0,0.0,0.10305603112876158,0.028114582310620532,0.09158538215305699,0.1337302798909729,0.04038080607273625,0.0,0.0,0.038370465631473,0.03233687826114337,0.039917173225326966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733476784860221,0.0,0.0,0.03756012873799092,0.0386786576269291,0.0,0.0,0.27658023589743874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040162584652192836,0.04716003962742783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030543577735571637,0.04112829607065209,0.0971515241052226,0.03777920806214685,0.0,0.02414942407829793,0.06614639994010281,0.030805786341220907,0.0349373794245566,0.03286034081903975,0.0,0.06893642045344013,0.0,0.1294109636106197,0.02612051436072246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031100349884400674,0.0,0.0,0.08474512439556807,0.0,0.1337180962554506,0.0,0.12467709496146125,0.0,0.02924265907853878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03609825443959975,0.07504808512043262,0.0,0.041209000324392765,0.0,0.02450731422506625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828259529585692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141498314562288,0.0,0.04045138715201463,0.0,0.1004699577772867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477600275015431,0.02582542918280512,0.1429021315717362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030703593656905507,0.04090448772078821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762397137935262,0.0,0.0,0.07965534622637241,0.0,0.0,0.07369352604348578,0.0,0.0,0.2141098976026153,0.0,0.0,0.08063372683191439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03508305010268245,0.0,0.03836657084562647,0.0,0.024775940068006173,0.0,0.0389054607213385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32952508297173955,0.09577583669766633,0.07640081300690574,0.0,0.03456372069022051,0.0,0.07003422559841935,0.0,0.07884189384402968,0.0,0.0,0.07351154569667334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684620849192985,0.037592709430245945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03122448250986092,0.0,0.14538126827138573,0.0,0.074007132270706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753125018239888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025879380368315025,0.038971143724389416,0.0,0.0,0.04188263239033603,0.0,0.0,0.07998766850070317,0.0,0.0689201253525894,0.0,0.0,0.14693920873237445,0.1917453063336364,0.0,0.04181281668853499,0.084904596665445,0.1943259152871024,0.16399602960176,0.0359228241329717,0.029026826585683518,0.021320097591534897,0.04202362874866196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024823781768351986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026882452935529,0.030168188523612933,0.17252577626103285,0.058043792527509436,0.02932852070957173,0.0,0.13149760800301985,0.033894137360380834,0.0989768819944066,0.0,0.0,0.035245292117392836,0.0,0.026618197410222852,0.0,0.03726067780866855,0.02597320657614249,0.0,0.2665672601114578,0.0
suicidewatch,Morphie12121,2019/02/11,"I feel like in my previous life I must have been someone like Hitler. I am stuck here. I am in pain, but I can't escape. I can't even end my life right.

Why? What have I done to suffer so much I wish for death every day, but be unable to even go properly? Why was I born? I would never agree to had I known I would be.

Please kill me. Someone, please. There's so many videos of people dying in ridiculously unlucky coincidences, why not me??? Why does everyone want me to stay here, to keep suffering every day, to make my life the most miserable possible? Why is it so hard to just do one small thing and kill myself, why do all the thoughts about people come up?

I want to go. Please, let me out. I am hurt. I don't want any of this anymore.",0.327920303605314,2.425079264516132,2.1258823529411788,96.06058823529413,85.38709677419354,5.711574952561669,17.504743833017073,7.048011613610866,-0.06988425047438307,566,13,133,8,17,186,92,155,0.275,0.614,0.111,-0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,3,1,2,0,21,4,0,1,3,22,33,6,4,7,4,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,3,5,8,0,1,6,2,23,2,17,21,3,16,0,4,0,0,0,7,0,1,7,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206822642449598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510104593315296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129009593683836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669323612583612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998774894476103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927414858268014,0.10845161503189783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938644689403283,0.0,0.0,0.1399940692975103,0.0,0.1785809621726239,0.10126589148413988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358532818961997,0.07571023403385695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045873099124475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493488202681633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345093608759832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419753060310776,0.2344964533224049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836901199854336,0.2245647915412139,0.10355035199366112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707406984638042,0.10744439060863722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790554000531913,0.0,0.08173625915889082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718129894018549,0.0,0.11276736344965667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469426897853341,0.0,0.0,0.3489938901252933,0.0,0.11947352929666195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050407069940476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958851530277206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295774544077512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040663672454885,0.0,0.0,0.08413417146818758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752454561016865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737684025859819,0.0,0.12186871273016678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056652570719675,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ILoveCerealx,2019/02/11,"All I can feel is myself getting worse day by day, I need help but I'm unable to tell anyone about how I feel I've never been able to verbally tell people how I feel, what I'm thinking and what is making me upset cos I get too emotional, so my brain just shuts off and no matter how hard I try, I can't speak. I can't help it, it's not my fault that I can't talk, I've repressed everything for 8 fucking years that it's become impossible for me to speak.

my thoughts are getting worse, I feel so fucking hopeless about the future, I can't even picture one. I'm going to a job interview for something I don't want to so cos I need the money, I hate living. School is miserable, I have no motivation. 

i dont even have the energy to hurt myself anymore, I'll just lay there crying and thinking of knives and hurting myself

I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do anymore 

I need help",1.6192187499999982,3.017424984375001,3.7785416666666656,89.34562500000001,77.80208333333334,6.466666666666668,22.9375,7.1686216300943375,0.7163999999999997,695,21,155,8,16,239,100,192,0.221,0.664,0.114,-0.9765,1,0,1,0,0,4,16.0,0,0,0,1,14,10,3,3,4,0,16,3,1,7,2,32,40,12,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,9,0,1,1,11,10,0,1,2,7,27,0,16,38,1,10,0,4,0,2,9,3,2,0,6,95,35,4,0.12975754032890974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573692262301746,0.0907294892110606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330700876108887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485232840214382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253256510661252,0.16736575787733268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207487088174831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595976798256655,0.11492666665298255,0.0,0.0,0.17140726322947256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661771043312412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624372446725989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399175102978563,0.2033788778306379,0.0,0.07374420043260974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623726915636436,0.12810870728824955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609212323327214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27781626126276016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287643368595139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131135071192614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145782853787688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661416575336077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886407160061893,0.10007701440027753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792706747840766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899575404660711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132155823731526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998936939250474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042941957881079,0.2268276190851361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662867849258485,0.0,0.10301299296325037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809685237468373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765343591879361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644680381839217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355960170374754
suicidewatch,eevee03tv,2019/02/11,"Is there any legitimate reason not to?? Nobody actually knows or gives a shit about me, my family don’t want to speak to me and my friends have almost completely abandoned me because they don’t want to deal with me (fair enough).

​

Is there any legit reason not to stuff a couple packets of paracetamol down my throat? Other than maybe that it probably won’t work, I guess?

​

I don’t know even then, a night or two in the hospital will be a temporary escape from life I guess.",4.840240601503759,6.343095821052637,5.3533834586466185,80.85368421052634,69.73684210526315,8.796992481203008,27.25563909774436,9.23628265651192,2.251300751879699,393,13,74,8,7,126,67,95,0.071,0.8390000000000001,0.09,-0.4896,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,5,0,9,3,2,2,0,16,16,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,1,11,1,12,13,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,5,2,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.1422485888763088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459656452776639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31587924114921695,0.354248270148175,0.19825454432124606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885884991652836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283502639524435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612895740584053,0.0,0.0,0.15028045823116445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506173612391973,0.0,0.09627842182758753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741714390747545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126200333381883,0.0,0.0,0.13983399546964015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211598807988757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022061552307268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296028413261628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644359813432567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367934397209482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571626115925239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997476647420109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962880791948058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686954181091546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239420329359334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719555444587069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612087601933648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354248270148175,0.0
suicidewatch,kburch537,2019/02/11,Why would someone shoot themselves in the heart rather than head? My dad committed suicide last year and shot himself in the heart. I’ve always wondered why he chose to go out that way. How immediate is the death?,3.70525,6.376831025000001,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,76.25,6.0,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.41825,171,7,32,2,4,51,35,40,0.231,0.725,0.044,-0.8767,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,3,1,1,7,4,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643455081595907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099785746627105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461659687045657,0.0,0.0,0.5879865032504095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223018154495595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21020971809075367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27137518449096776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692591621882136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477335088443324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690479705144126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623925933934986,0.0,0.0,0.1597647644404249
suicidewatch,SpookumusChristmas,2019/02/11,"Do rubber bands leave scars? I used to self harm (cutting mostly) pretty often over the past 5 years, but have started to recover from this habit the last 2 of those 5 years. Of course, I’ve had relapses where I need to harm despite the progress I’ve made. I’ve been using rubber bands on and off to satisfy the need (not as often bc recovery is actually working), and was wondering if using them consistently gives the user scars.  ",8.295722891566264,6.930281192771088,8.425391566265063,71.61471385542171,62.373493975903614,11.673493975903616,35.207831325301214,10.686352973137794,3.619460240963855,341,12,63,7,4,112,59,83,0.129,0.8,0.071,-0.6121,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,3,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,4,0,15,15,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,3,0,11,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,5,36,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.2162351816276287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256470554085447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062150462811047,0.0,0.2346267220899199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966926471216396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328605221736483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115281369723042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254317997893553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116167935608806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683913814557235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741353780537335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402996866254101,0.161316657562612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28538719511924354
suicidewatch,TimeIsRunninOut,2019/02/11,"Hi So I don't know where to start, this will probably be a jumbled mess and I'll miss a lot of details.

Im 19, nearly 20, I'm supposed to start university soon - only 2 years later than everyone else does. Honestly, I'm done with it all and I want to start again. All my life I've felt like a failure, justified of course. I'm lazy, have no work ethic and my mental state (anxiety and depression) makes it almost impossible for me to want to get a job, I did have an online one but they decided to stop giving me work a few months back.

Im supposed to be a writer but I've never finished a story I've started, let alone gotten a few paragraphs in because I'm in huge denial and actually fucking suck at writing.

I live at home with my mother and two brothers and they all hate me more and more each day and I think I might hate them. In all fairness, I could do more to help out and not come in late on nights out but it still feels like they'll take any excuse to cause drama with me.

I have a serious self harm problem that I thought had gone away but it's coming back pretty quick and hard.

I'm a failure who's good for nothing and act like I'm actually a decent person when I take advantage my mum and do nothing with my life but play dnd with my only two friends who I'm scared of opening up to because they're actually functioning adults and I'm just a man child who can't handle responsibility.

In all honesty I'm terrified of killing myself but I'm so close to just biting the fucking bullet.",3.43270995670996,4.233556076190478,5.090598845598848,84.06775974025976,72.36507936507937,7.886002886002887,27.33405483405483,8.150884317080207,1.6354444444444445,1184,41,252,17,22,403,173,315,0.173,0.6890000000000001,0.138,-0.9444,1,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,4,3,12,21,6,1,14,0,17,4,0,2,6,58,53,23,1,4,9,3,3,3,1,3,2,0,1,5,9,26,0,1,6,2,0,4,5,13,0,3,7,3,25,8,36,39,12,42,0,2,0,2,21,17,3,3,23,150,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.3050729686816592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043482471593252,0.10792701377645443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086432616366628,0.0,0.07971806162088334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790589677276228,0.16025748498351008,0.0,0.1270472269792672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704928319232836,0.0,0.17953018840440388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320080159107464,0.0,0.0,0.06720488729757199,0.0,0.08975332722576025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119223861321007,0.10663992999256793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705156804787344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957424401035846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269018488188623,0.07444549400870411,0.10005505160814417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051006147035475,0.19267536495845208,0.05444385094722663,0.09996483962226416,0.0,0.08740387859440144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334899411331728,0.20576565587459364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698477483680431,0.0,0.10452810683033208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251228610007669,0.0,0.10340935752141964,0.0,0.11528959415888712,0.0,0.05726943609510818,0.0,0.11755002291669985,0.0,0.0,0.10655870684350273,0.14720895668055708,0.15273081388500204,0.0,0.092016680751064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859305586283862,0.0,0.0,0.06955897456747558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050161355130156,0.11054714799972644,0.0,0.0,0.08317702470149828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037085433900497,0.0,0.0,0.09779120032403972,0.0,0.19997883350671308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061335287739526,0.15850822228538164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098952364399426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060159712514928,0.11235275949669804,0.09971201534063648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432937538935012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871061658542026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950329736317005,0.0,0.08321983629956117,0.08712170917146503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670137453330016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677163107765413,0.0,0.08272870950526058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359017344211727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292796444985955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172785868298194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710588457701375
suicidewatch,ThrowawayProblems101,2019/02/11,"I want to kill myself to get back at my dad My dad was a shitty parent. Alcoholic white trash. He never got in trouble for drinking while driving, dealing drugs, etc in high school or college since his dad was a lawyer. He never understands consequences. I have subconscious fears of things I should have like spiders because when I was young my dad chased me with a spider and pretended he was dying at one point when I was 4. He taught me to disobey my mom and try to hide things like when I was 8 he gave a COD WAW and told me to hide it whenever mom comes home. I couldn’t bring any friends over or visit others because my dad will always cause issues. I had to run to my uncle a few times because of how bad he was. He tried to kill my sister and told me I’m a ugly disappointing son when I was young. Do you know what that does to a child?!? Well now my dad is still a mess, and I feel pointless. Whenever I tell him my problems or how he was he just says “get over it” or a fake ass “sorry” (that’s assuming if he doesn’t deny that he does horrible things, which he denies he does despite us showing his texts and video). At times he thinks someone is after him and we are involved. Despite all of that, my dad still loves me, and I hate that. Suicide seems to be the only way to tell him “you fucked up”. Everything I’m supposed to do in the future can be filled by someone more capable. I had one chance at life and my dad fucked it up.",2.6970568561872916,3.928446264214045,3.845217391304349,90.64869565217394,74.65217391304348,6.805351170568563,24.036789297658864,7.255503002510835,0.8053558528428102,1119,33,247,12,23,364,159,299,0.207,0.726,0.067,-0.9937,1,0,3,0,0,2,27.0,2,2,0,0,12,17,5,1,11,0,25,8,1,3,3,34,46,21,4,5,6,13,1,2,1,2,3,1,1,1,14,12,2,0,6,4,0,6,4,12,1,2,16,3,39,5,30,25,4,37,0,1,1,4,48,13,3,7,19,154,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659416277553032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077950552237617,0.0,0.0,0.07419138626089777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389076431878745,0.0910935070913455,0.19951808760077336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112075216801347,0.0,0.09397954002018108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247677133722266,0.0,0.0,0.11322803363943733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864210653745356,0.0,0.0,0.106875953893112,0.1265207577570064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167475718081075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805157610482207,0.0,0.0,0.12276724427719388,0.05516397417935866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428998611572604,0.20172141892067064,0.11399994874226173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725681903108455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771314764893783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152695885467387,0.1094356719212799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387151015973225,0.0,0.0,0.2414048160804979,0.0,0.059958219943598026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706018780822574,0.10660098830463716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984665384766088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555519802450057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828848649775893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785725969945115,0.08297506927493074,0.0,0.0,0.12114205933219295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313427083383504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439346629648373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676028388523507,0.0,0.11041449633925032,0.0,0.09932006733543176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024821565362358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848792674370618,0.0,0.0,0.12212793358165752,0.0,0.0,0.17425396821553554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933712143514467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071550515610644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744253631803925,0.06990654029660931,0.0,0.0,0.12723356602238106,0.0,0.0,0.20849845328232733,0.0,0.14814276824899875,0.0,0.0,0.1135764042595674,0.13123323904101408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434969882943421,0.08659808752083886,0.0,0.0,0.09809353309597643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,veritas31579,2019/02/11,"Out of options Currently in a college I despise, in a program I hate, and forced in to it by my parents. They are adamant I stay in it. I am miserable every single day I wake up. 

I secretly applied somewhere else for this upcoming fall term. This was my lifeline. This had to work out, but it didn’t. I didn’t get in. I got waitlisted. 

And of course, my last failsafe, the militairy. I missed the deadline to apply for basic training for this upcoming summer. 

Out of options. 

I live near near a truly gorgeous trail up in the woods, very secluded too. I can leave this world quietly and nobody would find me, not for a long time. 

Peace. ",1.3129066666666702,3.8388547440000025,3.0472,88.05826666666668,85.56,6.213333333333335,26.73333333333333,7.554174236665415,1.7866533333333336,493,23,96,9,15,163,80,125,0.098,0.79,0.112,0.7814,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,1,5,2,1,7,0,8,1,1,0,0,13,12,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,1,16,1,24,6,2,23,0,2,0,0,3,14,0,2,7,70,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183742689325452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380048515265009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400480607666498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26040159961368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885315625905224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278676975068995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812885825833329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23223880348396103,0.0,0.3016774182881352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515798041463703,0.2521354366698229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163576490387208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036750100542091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613268772027848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350797045633529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074170936152321,0.0,0.0,0.20239112877803267,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HHSIWMOT,2019/02/11,"Everyone is tiring Everyone

I don't want to live around all of these people anymore",6.881875000000001,7.7068484375,7.6125000000000025,68.9825,64.625,11.4,34.75,11.20814326018867,4.402699999999999,69,3,11,2,1,23,15,16,0.086,0.914,0.0,-0.0572,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430484499545031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30793205117426875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6610611112089235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30544369094445384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398095162395689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39757112833276426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402589441056068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissMurphtastic,2019/02/11,"Alone I’ve been contemplating ending my life for a while. My divorce is final tomorrow, and while I’m much better off without my exhusband, I’m just tired of always being alone. I’ve dated (which the rejection has obviously made things worse), I have friends, I see my coworkers, I have activities that I do outside work... still feel completely alone. I’m the only single person left surrounded by married people. And all I’ve ever wanted in life is to be married and have kids. I can’t cope anymore with the idea that this won’t happen, so I set myself a timer that if nothing has changed in ~8 years (when I’m 40), I would end it. But truthfully I don’t even want to wait that long. What do I even do at this point? I take medication, I see a therapist, still feel hopeless.",4.89590909090909,5.530082097402596,6.0471688311688325,79.13646753246755,68.93506493506493,9.276883116883116,29.685714285714287,9.3871,2.512477402597403,609,22,120,12,10,204,99,154,0.106,0.8240000000000001,0.07,-0.6369,0,3,0,0,1,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,6,0,17,4,0,1,4,20,31,9,0,4,4,1,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,10,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,4,16,3,11,25,3,21,0,2,2,0,5,7,0,1,13,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44602094289184935,0.0,0.0,0.11944440866326883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236220351631232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695757518803985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185598758751906,0.0,0.15050857327889727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254283913382416,0.0,0.0,0.1896257454667465,0.12984844232636866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516554672673782,0.0,0.0,0.15725109876341858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090573241056476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269400566752288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620495397109052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596659288342438,0.0,0.20278604760553964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703649794348856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582969523094526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461068632040416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552515669862596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773929985657155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917561211979657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951891973443903,0.12534159802053269,0.0,0.0,0.1357003645457001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287802057327429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292771046830867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793111068954507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667165005714282,0.09536768980067373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649886536185352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693380390235028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383762770135782,0.0,0.10450550519402448,0.0,0.14628886765905472,0.10197321151830037,0.0,0.0,0.0924409588336107
suicidewatch,Ghost--28,2019/02/11,Pain Does anyone know the most painless way to leave life? If so please list it.,-0.2177083333333308,1.803494312500004,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,105.875,2.1333333333333333,11.583333333333332,3.1291,-2.033891666666667,63,1,14,0,3,18,16,16,0.205,0.546,0.249,0.2463,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28209010004165064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530473952478226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171651390692676,0.0,0.0,0.4271778503566169,0.0,0.0,0.2849570287097417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292817133555181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44284886016829617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202267527986779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,majesticsnakeskin,2019/02/11,"I don’t want to wake up I’m only 16, yet I just don’t see anything getting better. At school I have no real friends to spend breaks with. Today I spent half of lunch in the bathroom and the other half in the library. I didn’t eat because I am too embarrassed to be seen alone. School is awful. Honestly the only thing keeping me alive right now is gaming. I play one game and it’s literally my only source of happiness. If I could I would fast forward 10 years. Maybe I would be happy then. I have 2 years left at my school. I’m not sure if I can survive another 2 years of absolute misery. Life really doesn’t seem worth living. I’m so close to just ending it. I cut myself a lot tonight after a year or so of being clean. I can’t do this anymore. I have no one to talk to... the ‘friends’ I talk to in lessons don’t care about me, like at all. I’m always the second choice, no one would willingly talk to me. Literally the only things keeping me alive are my fish and gaming. I wouldn’t want my fish to die because of me. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents. Im willing to bet most people would forget about me pretty soon after I died. I’m so close to just drinking bleach but I don’t want to make my family find my body. There’s literally no hope for me in the future. I’m so fucking done.",-0.021296054065839343,2.1548381762589948,2.3817854807063448,92.99086875953785,88.10071942446044,5.096315674732941,18.855897100501405,6.574015621080383,0.06342541966426872,1015,29,226,12,33,346,144,278,0.093,0.774,0.133,0.8152,1,1,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,3,14,15,2,1,11,1,30,7,2,1,2,38,50,12,2,12,8,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,0,6,7,3,2,3,5,4,1,14,3,0,6,4,2,35,12,32,35,3,29,0,0,2,1,10,13,1,8,17,148,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563468077695977,0.0,0.0,0.08486690264764045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694925430465776,0.0,0.0,0.10115031253227534,0.0,0.0,0.08393209866589914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434878716602367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020511126844576,0.0,0.113291972760972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398934245107826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143364491363084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170665014237813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043749342141051,0.0,0.09991496563268604,0.0,0.1043649855160252,0.0,0.0,0.09033611687393636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615055335943017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322036514256724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576001103925609,0.09429150292774337,0.05328748210332997,0.0,0.0,0.08554744999348814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171483131435498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130272620016753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017066406872064,0.0,0.0,0.18131331759215888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081641914136887,0.0,0.07204114429900238,0.04982895447894867,0.0,0.09006227780402676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671136954192267,0.0,0.0,0.06808156564794128,0.0,0.10246634878426872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073406479654247,0.3102831233025844,0.0,0.0,0.1132518986165414,0.0,0.0,0.07070956746507155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037642281440939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609112389000495,0.06533975567142343,0.0,0.0,0.1095030297921313,0.0,0.08710203552598751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30966911279556397,0.08127574854660634,0.0928512050931532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612782541745787,0.0,0.0,0.24593594161490134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355201224841102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667807183249992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804755245538254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898135027479823,0.0,0.0,0.2627223138122196
suicidewatch,Coffeeforbjs,2019/02/11,"I wish I’d died in November Hit by a bus, tree falling on me, sudden accident. Anything that took me unaware and didn’t hurt anyone else. 

I would have died happy, happier than I’ve ever been. Now I’m broken. I feel so trapped because killing myself would kill my mum. My family would never forgive me. 

I hate myself because there are people dying of cancer that would give anything to trade places with me.

I’m so selfish",1.673493975903618,4.295550626506028,3.2855542168674714,86.29001807228919,84.90361445783131,5.247710843373494,23.96265060240964,6.742157984588678,1.1128804819277107,334,13,60,4,10,110,62,83,0.387,0.499,0.114,-0.9844,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,11,16,3,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,3,1,12,2,7,8,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,37,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061701803085564,0.16209444823137353,0.26037000488144435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287432839191967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925594236934126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215568038676706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310082736376414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913674533030466,0.0,0.07999060084639482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517597177315532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684066890137072,0.0,0.15618960612737973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693562184058966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500494040314802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220134820845013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967586131338797,0.0,0.16528517897349762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576586155660331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819220276335096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495225564749213,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDKUN,2019/02/11,"Just hoping that someone will attack in a terrorist attack that will... get me dead. Just ""someone else"" to help in an attack that will suddenly kill me. IDC what happens, if a stadium event will go \*POOM\*! and I will die and what ever else happens, but I am one of the lucky who IS killed by something like that.",3.432786885245904,5.1970221147540965,4.063081967213115,87.66183606557377,73.75409836065575,6.847213114754098,26.95409836065573,7.554174236665415,1.4569711475409837,243,9,48,3,5,77,42,61,0.297,0.568,0.135,-0.9151,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,9,12,4,4,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,3,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174515488586676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187761437750608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30226290712619736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364817601690673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452073656734153,0.0,0.10281828993467712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199654669121192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126365987074005,0.0,0.0,0.17968963664209608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400311776953867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883860391563976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259283664431896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065777612530337,0.13927737672086307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idk_imuseless,2019/02/11,"Tonight? I made a promise to myself that I would hold on until July, my friends birthday. I just cannot wait that long so tonight may or may not be the night. Whatever, I just know my plans in place; OD and sit on the bridge until I pass out and hopefully fall over the side. No point putting it off any longer.",2.7060937500000013,4.029003671875,3.0457500000000017,96.02425000000002,74.78125,6.370000000000001,25.3,6.742157984588678,0.6298474999999994,241,8,56,2,5,74,49,64,0.035,0.8370000000000001,0.128,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,9,6,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,9,4,0,19,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,6,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452985460580106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664530100425569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34254311439652063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953672810944625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052074633707858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32633327746727786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236460040663318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603256247586533,0.0,0.32602255817779274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466991068240844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24499246848821302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SOCIALIST_DESTROYER,2019/02/11,"Tonight I hang from the ceiling. I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry, dad. I’m sorry Andrew. I’ll miss you. Goodbye. There is nothing left for me to do or think. This is my last day on Earth. Maybe I’ll watch over them. Maybe I’ll end up in hell. It no longer matters to me.",-3.2744980443285527,-2.487995372881354,-0.4199999999999999,106.15727509778358,121.3728813559322,1.815384615384616,13.01303780964798,3.1291,-1.8436268578878747,199,5,51,0,13,67,43,59,0.211,0.7709999999999999,0.019,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,8,8,0,10,1,1,1,0,4,5,1,1,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052086305001055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298564521632305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776092274423214,0.0,0.0,0.2367378506915856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377990800886023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551898415383912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907109144957192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7317292080046034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961495366763085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lavendergooms7,2019/02/11,"I feel like I’m just wasting everyone’s time. I just found this sub so I’m sorry if I don’t follow any rules. 

I just feel so worthless right now. I’m 32, two kids from a failed marriage. Another one on the way to a girlfriend that I’ve only been with for 7 months. I just got fired from an amazing job. One that I worked so hard for. It was a cpa firm that does taxes. I just got fired right in the middle of tax season. How shitty do I have to be for them to do that. If I look in myself, I know I was not at an acceptable level for them. I know I was screwing everything up. I just didn’t expect this. It hit me like a freight train. 

I’ve been fired from every job I’ve had except for the worst one which was the one I left for this job. I couldn’t emotional go back there. It paid the bills but I don’t think I could suck it up and man up anymore. I hated myself everyday. 

I know I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts because I have children who need me and family that love me. But what do I do when I hate who I am. I messed up again. I knew this was my shot at redemption and I blew it. I can’t stop thinking that I’m worthless. ",-0.2025191541526219,1.6084409960159398,1.9495019920318728,98.28017085504138,85.25498007968126,5.136438859944836,18.020380018387986,6.297961479604792,-0.3860562059454491,874,21,217,8,26,293,128,251,0.204,0.742,0.054000000000000006,-0.9867,3,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,15,14,4,0,11,0,24,2,0,1,0,35,51,12,0,7,12,0,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,20,4,0,1,12,0,4,2,7,9,0,5,15,7,37,5,24,30,1,26,0,3,1,2,10,14,2,2,11,145,57,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102643999486254,0.1403593322787258,0.0,0.0,0.13274884821890978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292674135423084,0.0,0.08159716890860245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687285385403844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713799150437153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056960282156162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277916804614115,0.12790482091805952,0.1203008375840433,0.0,0.1261872049085607,0.0,0.13536288883611367,0.09562651139334012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676582394620918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607325719274848,0.0,0.21411320105934584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990838086305505,0.2643095072154313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984932696145656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206907129637176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543456798580545,0.0,0.0,0.13079022989518246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240504333496408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080996066880065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684231203237082,0.0,0.0,0.09925227699817027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628162420502004,0.10180326241463936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286240072645934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984045423783113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190932675815532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25730790929747804,0.0,0.1062664434886572,0.07805231271822646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075753139577834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624839371063273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744851585872252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Valkrinz,2019/02/11,"Nearing the end of the line I’m writing this post in lecture. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s just a good thing to put your thoughts down while you have them.

I’m not sure I’m winning against depression anymore. Every day my motivation is nonexistent, I struggle to wake up, and there are very few people in my life who I look forward to talking to. I uphold good school grades, and everyone thinks I have it in the bag. I do not. The massive amount of homework, debt, and social anxiety don’t help.

Therapy isn’t helping me anymore, so I’ve stopped taking my medication. I was sexually abused as a child, lost many friends to suicide, and am currently struggling with alcohol and drug abuse.  In the back of my mind, suicide is telling me every minute of every day that it is there and there it offers escape. I hate to sound helpless, but I have no choice. I’m not in control of my choices, and I’m dreading the day that this suicidal impulse wins.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated",3.5938917525773166,5.4299545103092814,4.588234536082479,83.76317654639178,73.48453608247422,7.32422680412371,31.712628865979386,8.07648339933343,2.3445164948453603,781,38,151,12,16,254,119,194,0.218,0.677,0.105,-0.9651,2,0,2,0,2,2,24.0,0,2,1,5,6,15,1,3,8,0,14,5,1,2,2,25,27,11,3,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,1,10,8,1,2,3,0,1,2,7,7,0,0,3,2,19,8,22,22,2,19,0,3,1,0,13,9,0,1,9,94,29,5,0.0,0.2770489121659947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424740686643063,0.0,0.1249459467408752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950580694363299,0.0,0.08943920249114354,0.0,0.2318953547799509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989996343818983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112945056295364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620036417797496,0.0,0.10069820872182024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558359598804698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355146389310592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955162949066044,0.11171672757547292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032778198579687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612451776093184,0.0,0.12889854811169782,0.12879440200604378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542877352570788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673052713071284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258010429102823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817865749099647,0.0,0.12762588779765738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853285977359683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777896654079192,0.0,0.0,0.1180502240302104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105372995470264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197168521229356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753127251546015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832362316100332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917951608371508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774568058388317,0.0,0.2444486492006452,0.0,0.3836561607569841,0.0,0.22038089276584005,0.0,0.08790508501183157,0.09397137291054028,0.10218834623723984,0.0,0.13370181530767555,0.0,0.07767273796916711,0.07491403216775888,0.0,0.0928169808801982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964666312771324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549706879529057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830526413577803,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SueIsHiding,2019/02/11,"Then and Now I used to feel depressed over the feeling of lack I had. That I wasn’t good enough, focusing on my perceived shortcomings, etc...

I never felt pushed too far to the edge in those times, just very down and lethargic, always anxious...

Nowadays, after becoming a functioning person in the world, supporting myself by myself, I feel different. Much has happened and I don’t know why but now I do not feel depressed because I am unworthy or any of that. I really don’t care anymore about ideas I hold of myself or that others hold of me, I am simply depressed. Very much tired of living.

I derive no meaning or joy from these ideas that I have succeeded in some area of life, or that some other person has validated my existence by loving me or approving of who I am. 

I am respected by my peers, I have talents that people sometimes admire, I am supported and have deep connections with a small handful of people... and yet none of it touches me. It all feels so contrived, so hollow. 

The things that used to give me hope no longer work. I achieve some goal and find it empty and meaningless, it never held any true promise, as if hope is a mirage forever fleeting from the light of reason, it drags me along endlessly through this dark night. 

The human species is alien to me, I don’t understand the drives and motivations that keep people from feeling this emptiness. I play along well enough, but I’m always in that sunken place. 

Every bit of advice I’ve ever heard makes no sense, as if the person giving it has no idea where I am coming from. Therapy has not helped much, I feel so stuck, so blocked, like I can’t access anything besides this voidness. 

I don’t have any energy left to go on, I am so tired. 

I post this because I have nobody to relate to in this way. None of my closest connections know this depravity. Nobody I know has exhausted hope...",5.975804001012911,6.413182788300839,6.321166118004558,78.80742149911372,66.5208913649025,9.31278804760699,31.081413015953398,9.218907990703514,2.629026740947076,1467,53,273,25,22,473,186,359,0.156,0.6759999999999999,0.168,0.6885,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,6,15,22,0,0,11,0,27,6,1,5,5,64,60,25,0,6,12,0,10,1,0,0,4,1,0,4,27,12,0,5,20,1,0,4,16,4,1,0,6,12,41,18,43,54,14,34,0,3,0,1,10,18,0,13,11,201,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691682363976726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802009126061386,0.0,0.0,0.18145861836154156,0.0,0.0,0.1004834565846438,0.08821035070780492,0.0,0.0,0.07319482929524969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844108981378746,0.0982336675356569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710579616753773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068618907684256,0.0,0.0,0.07661894615073021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298267073636304,0.0,0.0,0.09292944834800466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380961280725955,0.09919809850460844,0.0,0.08045658435708833,0.07494068761696017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31481574567620313,0.0,0.08540193356233207,0.0,0.0812948659917553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706498663440774,0.05054995795813992,0.07460353188405758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865449284723616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961850670936601,0.0,0.0,0.26502979917898545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301227004995734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905912958843618,0.0,0.0,0.14664688582745816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663989118693203,0.0,0.06282506148440105,0.04345443370319595,0.0,0.07854078659521714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802770731540931,0.0,0.0593720239927592,0.0,0.0,0.09688807083920714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615623074734045,0.0,0.13720099589752002,0.0,0.0,0.08346962455991136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499149201840376,0.23299217165603256,0.09292944834800466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518550646512815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698096840876754,0.0914511145043396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796968804754862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186931974887848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017172942489652,0.0,0.05909164901726643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518650215862985,0.20446026598389824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259573307220573,0.0,0.1536412567943853,0.0,0.14677922953016478,0.0,0.07060105000610314,0.0,0.0,0.07997297207883279,0.0,0.08025976584057536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475361462781057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Knucklehead4U,2019/02/11,"I’m really trying to hold it together but I don’t know if I can. I bought a gun the other day. Haven’t picked it up yet; I’m afraid that I won’t last long. Maybe that’s best.

I’m really trying to be okay. I don’t understand how I’m making things worse when I try to make them better. 

I am running out of time. I wish someone would hold me.",-1.2758974358974378,0.5355478205128215,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,90.02564102564102,5.51794871794872,13.794871794871796,6.937597516519254,-0.5773435897435899,262,4,67,4,9,93,53,78,0.094,0.703,0.202,0.8519,0,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,2,1,8,0,0,4,0,13,18,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,10,3,6,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24681118576524946,0.20800120968646493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167427746347606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925102161104393,0.19170641752728876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081305129484468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31397440373367996,0.0,0.23627402260894476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30132989204633337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927071061666074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624585468148106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713773029851978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790236641068513,0.0,0.0,0.24483492497387646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704500891578245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967267326647146,0.16706802504698745,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irish-boyyaya,2019/02/11,"I don’t want help but I need it Hi everyone hope you’re all having a great day.
Just want to share my story, as I’m feeling very alone and lost right now.

Don’t know where to start. But here goes.

My life has been very rocky, I’m 21 youngest of 5 siblings parents divorced at a young age. I live with my dad, my mom left us and it hurt me bad.

I never dealt with any of this pain, it never affected me physically or in fact mentally, until now. I did miss that mother figure in my life. Home was never really a home for me. I craved a proper family. I kept busy between sports school etc. so never had time to think about what actually happened.

Anyway fast forward 8 years and here I am. A wreck. It began to go downhill rapid for me last year, I went to uni and started partying a bit hard but not to much just the normal. I toke drugs only when I was drunk, which really pissed me off as I knew this wasn’t the true me and I was just trying to fit in. (How immature of me) 

So panic attacks and extreme anxiety followed. I actually got out of this within 13 days the first time it happened as I believed it was low serotonin (from using) I was back in uni relieved and happy that I wasn’t going to die... and what do I do next?

I go out with the boys get messed up once more (a)... this is the funny part.. I didn’t feel bad the next day slightly anxious as too what if the panic and anxiety come back once more? But I continued with my studies that day.. all good..... nope 

The following day after that BAM panic anxiety worse than ever.. I was in total flight and fight mode I couldn’t sit sleep watch tv eat nothing.. it was crazy totally shocking.

4 months tommorow since that night I messed up and I’m still struggling, slight improvements but only slight. 

Some of the symptoms I experienced and are still experiencing would include;

~Not being able to swallow food = weight loss 
~feeling impending doom/dread 
~breathing difficulties 
~light sensitivity/tunnel vision 
~depersonalization 
~dizzy just a sense of feeling weird 
~everything just seems horribly uncomfortable 

Anyway the past two weeks I’ve gotten sick of being home bound and depressed. I’ve gone back to work (riding thoroughbred horses) and have gone on CBD oil. I refused medication as Xanax didn’t do shit for me and the doc wanted to put me on an SSRI.. No way 

I know I’ll get back to myself with time but I feel very scared that I’m pretty much fucked. I want to do so much more in life and I have truly changed and grown so much from this experience. In a weird way I am grateful for it as it has given me so much strength and to a certain extent empowered me beyond belief. But I just want it to end before I do something stupid. 

I’m just fed up. All my family have moved on and I feel stuck, nobody really is here for me. My friends are non existent but I accept that, why would they want to be around someone going through this anyways. I used to be normal and now i can’t even function. This has to end, I’m sick of just being ok.

Goodnight Godbless 
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suicidewatch,4-Run-Yoda,2019/02/11,"It is time. I cant take the constant twisting and tearing of anxiety flooding my body, I cant keep prying myself out of my bed every morning while it holds me down like velcro. My brain racing uncontrollably like a crazed driver with no place to go. The first time I drowned myself in pills the second I cut deep dark canyons into my forearms and watched as blood spilled like a waterfall, each time I was inches from completing the task at hand so this time I will just try everything I can all at once and see if this hell of a life will finally let me live in peace among the lifeless corpses that fill the still night in silence. ",10.098400000000002,6.770302840000002,8.886400000000002,75.87920000000003,60.6,11.920000000000002,40.2,9.3871,3.5630800000000002,505,19,101,6,5,156,90,125,0.14400000000000002,0.75,0.105,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,1,9,0,8,7,5,0,1,12,12,7,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,1,3,15,3,16,8,2,24,1,0,2,0,0,12,1,1,13,66,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523772712652922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212515071514833,0.0,0.22235821900982888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088434528789826,0.215250047563026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678233756491613,0.0,0.1790161517108871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181992807407128,0.0,0.1694280952174931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132023851558348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770462805363039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036818839824576,0.14069144851684204,0.29193766362009965,0.0,0.1758854949386225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869232135874106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121273221691484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810769443016125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872600169776888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590707464862582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976360042759562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645894387955604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523468632152527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Toxic_369,2019/02/11,"I wish I could feel happiness I haven’t been happy for 5 years with my life and I’ve fantasised about killing myself.

What are the best ways to either cut myself, and end it quickly, I don’t care about the pain, please help me with this. 

I don’t need help either, this is my last resort ",2.2325000000000017,3.783030583333339,3.0533333333333346,94.54500000000002,76.5,6.133333333333334,18.666666666666668,6.742157984588678,-0.1384333333333334,225,4,51,2,5,71,43,60,0.133,0.528,0.34,0.936,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,10,11,2,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,10,4,6,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,35,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488119407487387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24172965180970846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929753921492656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099918853516256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119880123126008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047746710385276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178336418141517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623056034799799,0.0,0.0,0.19326047014871006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746409119341668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579966399037014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25228109767477025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602542644409209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881914700474844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726424710062805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267856287856135
suicidewatch,Saimitar,2019/02/11,"Ah yes I wonder if its normal for a Person to want to stab themselves in The thigh and The neck every Time they get a bit stressed or uncomfortable?

It's just that strange numbing pressure feeling you get in your neck, arms and shoulders that makes you want to get into a fetal position, scream and scratch your whole fucking face off.",6.36671875,7.063739734375003,5.584375000000001,83.52312500000002,65.71875,7.65,33.1875,7.1686216300943375,2.0794187500000003,269,11,50,2,4,81,49,64,0.243,0.6629999999999999,0.094,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,1,0,1,5,1,2,5,2,0,8,6,1,0,13,9,5,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,6,0,8,9,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,3,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30160161863983154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327588422040357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968408274654515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25539558916341515,0.4329993943540361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440401340455992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706736758676599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412173762200211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164520105298341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610879584801418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258876391603173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084316112486992,0.0,0.0,0.29958945324112674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeetlord69420,2019/02/11,Giving back The amazing people from this sub saved my life about a month ago. I wish to give back to anyone who needs help. Any suggestions about how I can give back?,2.7672727272727258,4.8506699696969715,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,76.57575757575758,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.4379212121212119,131,2,28,1,3,39,27,33,0.0,0.635,0.365,0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188745232918245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487843816107955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924874146065995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.525379206750886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6554383172695958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265664350389588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086721294258566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178861458304024,0.0,0.0,0.1688744242472301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789381411365658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261902322629296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SplashyNoodles,2019/02/11,"Help I don't know if i can keep going, I'm hoing through highschool and it's hell, everything, the people, my teachers, friends, everyone i thought i could trust.  I'm failing almost all of my classes, my girlfriend is about to leave me, my teachers think I'm a failure, parents and family don't support me. I've had depression since i was 6, and after 11 years it's not getting any better, i don't think i belong in this world anymore, i feel like I'm God's sick joke he made for laughs. I don't know what to do anymore, i don't know if i was meant to be here. I just want everything to end. I can't do anything, I'm talentless, incompitent, i slack off, i can't do simple tasks, nothing. It's over for me.",3.3085999999999984,3.7469653266666683,4.970666666666666,86.14200000000002,72.4,7.866666666666667,30.333333333333336,7.908726449838941,1.886933333333333,549,23,121,7,10,187,88,150,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.8542,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,1,0,2,0,17,2,0,1,1,21,36,5,0,4,4,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,8,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,6,1,22,7,13,28,1,8,1,2,0,1,5,4,1,3,4,68,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322450002841945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443027156329438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629269745037981,0.0,0.0,0.15057404109774447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182781495108775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609181934999124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575973622414358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206283878271732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748418547620551,0.32889489890451873,0.0,0.1724939278683365,0.0,0.09251839915095147,0.13071842403147188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136716391258314,0.0,0.09559765152735412,0.0,0.10398974244991097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264526833215572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263789044144505,0.0,0.0,0.3016772417675819,0.0,0.0,0.1937456580160836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939305889916029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313675652783572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557085424534402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317371193785114,0.0,0.0,0.1268528427946388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513600236878395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076395255027533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344878625820199,0.0,0.14526287551293202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792426053619628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783084512971975
suicidewatch,BreachedandCleared,2019/02/11,"Who do i call to admit mtself I need help, I cant do this anymore... I'm broke, homeless, and I'm destroying every relationship I have... I need someone to bring me to a hospital... I'm getting ready to call 911",1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,79.9090909090909,7.127272727272729,26.90909090909091,8.07648339933343,1.820109090909092,160,7,34,3,4,58,29,44,0.151,0.684,0.165,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,12,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038046551818348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6256100273224786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581027008494335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004878997031993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053316841839996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542910043139011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288920159959915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595589153359988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue_lights136,2019/02/11,"Arrested for jumping off a bridge ... 🙃 So apparently if you try to commit suicide on a foot bridge over water and then the police come and pull you over the barrier that counts as public nuisance... next time I’ll have do it properly before they come 🙃
They said if I attempted again they’d take me to court... doesn’t really make sense to me but ok.",2.8396190476190446,4.6785602,4.300000000000002,85.01333333333334,75.57142857142857,8.095238095238095,23.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,1.6005238095238092,274,8,56,6,6,91,55,70,0.08800000000000001,0.847,0.064,-0.1655,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,2,3,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,4,2,1,1,1,10,9,8,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,9,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813564718672202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696466879895483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207096190032167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351647120780994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118211066792529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145212694660214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361674445124645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486055960828996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280308104877136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244877908120314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dededededemon,2019/02/11,"Just tired again . I keep sleeping and being up at strange times. Times that turn my brain negative. 

These nights, I can't help but feel disgusted at myself for my inability to function properly as a human being. Are we not meant to be social by nature? If that were the case, why do I not feel any satisfaction with it? Why do I not feel the desire for it? Is it really so bad to prefer being on my own?

I have tried sincerely to make friends, because I was told it would improve my quality of life and I believed that. Maybe I won't be so ""damn sad all the time,"" and actually be...okay. But what is the point of it if I can't be genuine?

I feel like a strange person, with strange qualities, and strange behavior; like what the adjective entails, obviously.
I am either underwhelming, or overwhelming. My middle ground: disappointing. But these days, I just feel like I'm too much. Too much for even myself to handle, let alone anybody else. And this makes me feel incredibly lonely.
My bonds and connections will never mean a thing if what I portray is somebody who isn't me.

I guess what I want to say is, I'm tired of not being acceptable just the way I am. I'm tired of feeling the unhappiness that comes with being me. But atleast i don't mind being alone again.

I gotta stop thinking again. Goodnight, internet strangers.

P.S. I don't know where I'm headed from here. I didn't know where else I could say all this.",2.27542857142857,4.591876257142856,3.6078571428571458,87.00714285714287,79.28571428571428,7.0,24.285714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.4617500000000003,1112,40,226,21,28,363,149,280,0.242,0.6779999999999999,0.08,-0.9941,0,4,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,0,0,14,13,2,1,10,0,32,7,3,2,4,55,57,17,0,8,16,0,7,3,1,4,4,2,0,2,19,11,0,2,14,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,5,9,33,6,23,37,6,21,0,4,0,0,10,9,1,5,13,157,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.1112425746158274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361286665607971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752043838818068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095180976659547,0.06949023058999441,0.0,0.0,0.12843321135678648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725600440458068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819650917782767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910156486733812,0.0,0.0,0.07351727741125705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904562163440053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529255375153518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034747123616411,0.1628759530783026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807217393737476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557822993395387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699165090975985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640837593534096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132390138790694,0.0,0.0,0.12529722732657386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656750463565813,0.08051796633321066,0.16707644436502805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521849566409266,0.0,0.11452319507108415,0.12417386058361428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510234875212105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759873008412313,0.0,0.08791989142185247,0.0,0.0,0.1069764877481162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953594627180236,0.0,0.0,0.107762023205354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302804943708724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130663357105048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407722183391668,0.1162034408411308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530483747917623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573314364885286,0.07304332649800248,0.0,0.0,0.1994140218864908,0.3930610911632385,0.0,0.10892700835152208,0.0,0.07739505161904267,0.12399371248015816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723714321583257,0.0904838424852507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572532588662465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097870350421071,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whathappenedtoeleven,2019/02/11,"I will be dead tomorrow, wanted to let everything out before I die I will be dead tomorrow( the plans are already in place and well thought out). The reasons for this is the last 5 years of my life has been hell: 

-Had severe depression and dissociation for the last 5 years with intense suicidal ideation for a lot of it. Nothing is real to me which makes dying easy. Tried multiple treatments which have worsened my condition. Am now sleeping 15 hours a day missing everything and not responding to anyone. 

- Decided to try uni( fairly good uni) and decided to try to find love as a last treatment resort. Found it and it was going very well and I was cheated on. I was destroyed emotionally and gave another chance, believing it was a drunken mistake. 2 weeks later it happened again and I’ve been in a severe depressive episode for the last 2 months. A couple of my relatives also died during the same time. 

-Discovered last week I failed the only exam I needed to pass out of all of them to get to next year so I will have to resit. It makes no fucking sense to me why that module needs to be passed, it links to my subject the least out of the fucking lot of them. I also worked the hardest on that shitty module knowing it was the one I had to pass. I did the best I could with the intense emotional pain of being cheated on and having to visit relatives in hospital on their fucking death bed. 

I want to confess this because my life has been hell for the last 5 years. The thing that hurt me the most was definitely being cheated on by the one I love. Being the only girl ive ever noticed out of a crowded room and connected to on a whole different level to anyone I’ve met, including my family. This has meant my own judgement doesn’t make sense and the world doesn’t make sense to me in that regard. I can’t understand things at ALL anymore. Hope the word gets fucking better for others and less painful in the future, peace out 😇

TL;DR will be dead tomorrow and wanted to let everything out ",4.903707492658898,5.991286217391307,5.7508724069337855,79.62478734488965,69.17902813299233,8.759344510751161,30.33825897508762,9.049649993220411,2.570958435161504,1585,62,295,29,27,520,196,391,0.199,0.7040000000000001,0.096,-0.9942,1,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,3,5,8,26,10,0,29,0,40,11,1,5,3,55,68,17,8,8,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,20,22,0,0,11,0,0,5,5,18,2,2,17,0,30,8,58,37,11,53,3,5,0,6,12,23,6,4,25,212,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872551780795306,0.12646372818462345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829112826605033,0.0,0.0,0.07841571414487633,0.1105744893388662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048200043601257465,0.0,0.06728233513085398,0.0890842688920069,0.08297857977768547,0.06993056217573401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313057529392288,0.08748891651587011,0.0,0.05099329713806632,0.0,0.13620491807650553,0.0,0.2461850252044985,0.0826108160643943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778851280772357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152290484500179,0.0,0.0,0.21318775005467255,0.0,0.07453970351993686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226810597513549,0.0,0.0,0.08669564407688618,0.0,0.2923939770334735,0.08262111820527743,0.0,0.04493702860803032,0.06631975934203839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992091265740047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853387123519076,0.0778675467983389,0.0,0.0846455531886148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345453863788951,0.386713257213859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170787629354896,0.11169827628990882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444415141951302,0.14272665215198393,0.0,0.21111806604378489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311253401680836,0.0,0.0,0.11725808977991485,0.0,0.0,0.08409132823982934,0.0,0.0,0.07586933397550788,0.09002116905192299,0.0,0.0,0.10715910196377157,0.12027186121205136,0.16827108157922366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826108160643943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899984207444868,0.0,0.08129663237545814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786520956918345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912661995248599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648921797905558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506054721483683,0.0,0.0,0.06277236426230769,0.04610607116052618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104903513285626,0.0,0.0,0.08231415562190822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652406322664365,0.1399117490521217,0.0,0.1268495941036759,0.0,0.14218598310810374,0.0,0.07134794051932508,0.0882782918758097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756355001151355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367270593262785
suicidewatch,Thywyt,2019/02/11,Not getting better Still can't stop thinking of killing myself. I know I don't want to die but I keep getting urges to hurt and kill myself and visual thoughts of it. Everything seems overwhelming and I feel numb. I can't bring myself to do necessary tasks at work or for upcoming interviews. I feel very raw. I feel like I am losing it. ,2.195714285714285,4.6273916417910455,3.289125799573561,88.52895522388063,80.34328358208955,6.813646055437101,24.49680170575693,7.957251820313856,1.5184771855010668,268,10,53,5,7,86,45,67,0.303,0.603,0.094,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,3,1,8,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,16,17,5,3,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,3,11,2,7,16,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,32,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796181685304068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23230298434716584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011663809479065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395295869339809,0.1599061120936331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388667503122185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396175145230483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989527714420755,0.4952753961077888,0.0,0.12301258779601637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093533417544899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25041151595577105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037688662955475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787530682538763,0.18713414395413044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143422944074086,0.0,0.17769814643130855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846854035528754,0.13202231461089586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295285766692014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,struggle345,2019/02/11,"Whatever it is I'm doing right now can't really be called 'living' I've been struggling for a while now. Since I graduated the therapy program I was in in august I haven't been able to hold down a job, my (now ex) girlfriend went from great to abusive to ghosting me out of nowhere (actually several times) and now is with another guy. Other than her I've seen 3 friends a total of 5 times the past year. Im 22 and live with my parents so at least I'm not homeless but it sucks when the only people who care about you only do because they have to. 

There isn't really anything in my life I'm happy about except for a sliver of hope i'll be going back to school in the fall, but first I'm moving and getting a full time job and it's looking less and less likely I could even handle just school right now. I had meth this morning (i don't stuggle with addiction any more but I have in the past) and I still couldn't get myself out of bed for a full hour. It's like I have no energy to do anything even though I do absolutely nothing. 

I'm terrified of doing nothing with my life like I grew up this huge overachiever and went to a really good college on an athletic scholarship, but since I had to take time off of school to deal with mental health issues my life has been getting measurably worse and worse. At this point its so fucking hard to begin to motivate myself to keep trying, because even when I'm trying my hardest I'm still disappointing myself and I end up just ruining my life even more. I'm better off dead ",4.8781578947368445,4.935827952229302,6.037428762990283,81.21238183037214,68.84076433121021,9.158297016426415,28.946697955078783,8.99025400887824,2.148932484076433,1203,39,248,20,19,404,162,314,0.103,0.7559999999999999,0.142,0.9327,3,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,3,22,15,2,1,13,0,25,7,0,1,1,31,48,19,2,3,8,2,1,3,2,0,6,0,1,1,10,16,0,2,1,0,1,6,7,5,0,1,9,3,27,10,46,35,8,50,0,2,2,1,11,21,2,1,26,166,37,10,0.09405246642832617,0.11143679314444307,0.09178164000265636,0.1025310710723316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395890236776125,0.0986222116357165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479433216202698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232054117109939,0.0,0.11466702114255102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318176346324066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603808391947186,0.0,0.0958927577919783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509324132417185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696396305766207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330256900446821,0.0,0.0,0.24848306818389096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000097989720949,0.0,0.0,0.07266470225529434,0.08694998967173441,0.14741559550921118,0.0,0.053452184111157146,0.0788867465510344,0.0,0.10369317627160404,0.0,0.0931267286717504,0.0,0.10012059941146001,0.08425253613268091,0.0,0.0,0.09997337372170212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341532082241792,0.09262273400527346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015928032268627,0.09816633935325683,0.18666512079293612,0.08359815361129178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26572815400082617,0.13784785296989224,0.0,0.16610010195455086,0.0,0.07898038408083076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478276478356412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996288731507147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049175629405165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306227777039254,0.0,0.0,0.10443413360967048,0.0,0.17956744292848226,0.06520413791147449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889099812185081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075725503508688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064058487168947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855583517410146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062525160937935,0.0,0.15560234428176392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022084236436994,0.0,0.0,0.09832405889068987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071574978023333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075571921145174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240607073537566,0.0,0.21937099809702626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277109018775859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437515730079622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169499683492935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056670474860298
suicidewatch,lanston4500,2019/02/11,im such an unlikeable person I’m surprised I’ve made it this far tbh considering how I want to end myself more each day,0.4752564102564101,2.7216462692307712,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,86.30769230769229,6.543589743589743,20.2051282051282,7.793537801064563,0.9179128205128202,97,3,21,2,3,34,23,26,0.0,0.862,0.138,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30840681301389744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42355338920324415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165504094248032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524952208281449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175557780559029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820614933732399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_serious_woman,2019/02/11,"What should I do I'm overwhelmed by suicidal ideation today. How can I get through the day by distracting myself, what are some things you go to when you are really depressed? ",6.944545454545455,7.529027242424245,6.2207575757575775,79.85113636363639,64.45454545454545,10.236363636363636,34.68181818181819,10.125756701596842,3.424709090909092,141,6,26,3,2,43,27,33,0.275,0.693,0.032,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,3,8,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,7,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974642200237016,0.0,0.397268778378078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409809510637858,0.0,0.26213559262266184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954847150301187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045260693173382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30643001616378496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43720537690319866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ukon3ser,2019/02/11,"PLEASE HELP https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/apgh0u/im_in_a_psych_ward_right_now_and_the_doctors_told/?utm_source=reddit-android

This is urgent,a sad story but not a finisher story. Yet we need to make sure that doesn't happed. I believe in us r/suicidewatch

Edit2:PLEASE SHARE THIS
SPREAD AWARENESS",17.02583333333334,23.53019436111112,6.416666666666668,59.74500000000001,63.72222222222222,5.7333333333333325,19.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,1.0895888888888892,271,5,27,3,6,60,32,36,0.054000000000000006,0.6559999999999999,0.29100000000000004,0.8415,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586376486267054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133631947013372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248108035871766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603025609441244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6988395687607043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300012844928652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828997817237755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Warfinho,2019/02/11,"Not sure what I’m still doing.. So for around a year now I have been thinking about ending it all on a daily basis. There are 2 things stopping me currently. 

1. The method, I’m not sure how I’d do it, pills seems like the easiest route, however I feel like there is a relatively high chance of survival, and i know that the degeneration of organs and such after a failure by pills can be agonising. I’m in the Uk, so no guns, therefore jumping (possible same end result as pills) or hanging potentially... also considered using my car exhaust. 

2. The prospect that nobody would actually care. This is the thing that scares me the most. I’m not necessarily thinking that nobody would care, just that I feel like I’d be forgotten easily. And that is way worse than death in my mind. 

I tend to be somewhat reckless with my life, praying that something will happen to me without me having to do the physical deed myself. Such as driving too fast, crossing the road without looking etc.. 

I’m not sure how to get out of this situation I find myself in. ",3.6776121141525913,5.636095811881193,5.050058241118228,80.01995631916135,73.55445544554455,7.7232382061735585,28.21898660454281,8.4952907291091,2.1745016889924296,822,33,154,15,17,274,125,202,0.146,0.736,0.118,-0.6439,2,0,2,1,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,15,10,0,1,13,0,17,5,0,5,4,37,35,11,1,2,8,0,2,3,0,3,5,0,0,0,14,6,0,1,7,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,3,15,8,23,28,5,23,1,0,1,0,0,8,0,4,12,109,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.14095487955679292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155104803720146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858429865110985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945371672274721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25586606603360784,0.0,0.16109138130802786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606876569784918,0.2063792610709996,0.0,0.0,0.13201767426272268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546515660863612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277298767804005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261125373941292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793817279382911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202389045606323,0.21170168142529716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129517978912277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584557900686018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283702598755134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461197207137594,0.0,0.0,0.1314948737879571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623592325826284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119876365745043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535183257662925,0.1207602568930986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084055643035964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192213373965794,0.1851056274903686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475179794781613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465159956419865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784745063962774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471990759247996,0.20521537619064156,0.0,0.0,0.09301612580407244
suicidewatch,banmandos,2019/02/11,"I feel like a burden. I'm not a good person. I never claimed to be.

I've got anger problems. I've been physically abusive to friends and other members of my family, and I'm deeply sorry that I've been the kind of person that I am. But I just can't take this family. Ever since my mom died, her parents took me in and abused me, physically, emotionally, verbally, turned me into a bitch. All of the friends I've made have commented the same things 'you're always so defensive', 'you look like you're always ready for a fight', 'why are you always on edge'.

Because I feel like I have to be.

I know it's just getting on people's nerves, and I get that I need to be a better friend to people, and I'm TRYING to get over these anger problems but I feel like nobody fucking cares. Unless I'm at the brink of fucking offing myself, no one even PRETENDS to care about me. At this point I tell them I'm suicidal not because I want them to stop me, but because I just want them to fucking **SPEAK** to me. Because I want them to realize I'm hurting and I want them to HELP ME. And yet for all their talk of 'people will be sad' and 'this is selfish', I'm always pissing them off with my short fuse and my opinions and everything.

I just want to die. I just want to finally have an end to the pain. Maybe people will care when I'm gone, I don't know, I don't care, but I'm worried about ME. The less problems everyone has to deal with involving me is just a bonus.",2.049111842105262,3.4866653190789485,3.7859526315789473,89.57746842105267,76.73026315789474,6.706105263157895,23.673157894736843,7.404127859558343,0.8748954210526314,1123,35,248,14,25,377,141,304,0.222,0.643,0.135,-0.9691,1,0,0,0,2,1,38.0,0,2,7,2,13,32,9,0,13,0,19,5,1,1,4,51,57,17,3,10,13,2,3,4,3,2,1,1,0,2,10,13,0,2,6,1,1,2,7,17,0,1,6,5,43,15,37,45,4,20,0,2,1,3,25,11,5,1,11,156,53,0,0.0,0.2017263433266516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833344189058728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757380235506293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528910560604532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34717609570495195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776358844393975,0.0,0.0,0.1766995696356645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575793313298443,0.07539844857705959,0.0,0.0,0.0562264707518449,0.0770034641305234,0.0,0.08134378426549177,0.07650786975155123,0.0,0.1605028598526901,0.0,0.12913035116275146,0.182447125691018,0.0,0.09325394379918038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730985065067855,0.23609935696059325,0.1334281442972268,0.0,0.0,0.07140161911357935,0.0680849162304958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705973699473332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911316568152965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864807416428834,0.09356862712896387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635764263246194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148637189563167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055050085457982,0.0,0.0,0.08552286723228388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997012918916984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312159111790015,0.0656562296963579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768517150001514,0.0,0.09058256388404799,0.0,0.09452495579381416,0.0,0.0,0.23606911038079076,0.14866157921213002,0.0,0.0,0.08047380443370772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436899557185826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041904886012101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952942156228332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117111042236328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931165954285572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400592307191802,0.06842294122876978,0.07440592802142171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655549153465486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945807265064888,0.057796560076259884,0.09259519701224278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012654302260694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681509287790766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645196925704599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BadCat_Comicguy,2019/02/11,"I am getting ready to commit my own suicide I have no friends, family, nothing. I am homeless and live a sad life. I used to be in college, was married, had a job and a loving wife. But the gangstalking fucked it up.

​

They will get what they want. I am gonna kill myself. I'm going to collect as much drugs as I can find on the street before I jump, then I will do it.

​

Life is not worth living if you are me",0.7876666666666665,2.7345899888888923,2.4700000000000024,95.165,82.44444444444444,4.4444444444444455,22.222222222222214,5.033348758259628,-0.05511111111111111,329,11,73,1,9,108,68,90,0.207,0.6629999999999999,0.131,-0.8613,1,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,0,5,0,13,5,0,1,1,9,22,7,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,14,2,8,16,2,7,0,1,0,2,6,4,1,1,1,52,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659945490243653,0.4104509539906631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437169010318551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586416472155155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592188376471204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543666433988754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048758178207806,0.15614037539684028,0.17648095960337615,0.0,0.09598671747295467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676018717434093,0.0,0.18685689802845068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385905615161113,0.0,0.0,0.29827412712238555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243400888243172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415699545451872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205896452768426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847433261114388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458707435555601,0.0,0.0,0.09961843601598704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104509539906631,0.0
suicidewatch,soitslikethis85,2019/02/11,"Does it ever get better? Not sure what to do anymore. I went to school for zoology thinking it would lead me, I'm so in debt I can't even get of my parent's house. It was supposed to be a great degree, the internet and school told me it was going to get me many opportunities. What a load of shit!!! The only thing it got me was a dead-end, low paying, no way to advance in this company job. And I'm working with plants, because hahaha, of course I am. I'm almost 34, I apply and apply to so many jobs and get nothing but crickets. I'm tired of sitting in the same room I have sat in my entire life. I'm not sure why I haven't done anything yet, not even an attempt. But, maybe I should. Everyone keeps saying, ""you're smart, it'll get better"". But I have been telling myself for most of my life, and with every passing year it only seems worse. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Feel lost and hopeless.  I'm tired of not getting interviews for shit I'm qualified for. 7 years of working in this bullshit job, and I can't do it anymore. Throughout the literal thousands of applications I have sent out, barely any interviews. I'm sorry for rambling on.",1.6834522439585733,3.5827695527426187,3.6476505561948613,88.09815017261221,79.21097046413502,6.1656309934790965,24.274836977368626,7.1686216300943375,0.9953983122362868,892,32,187,11,22,302,126,237,0.183,0.767,0.05,-0.9855,5,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,9,6,13,2,0,8,0,19,6,2,1,4,32,45,12,0,2,8,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,14,10,0,1,3,0,2,6,9,5,0,1,11,2,18,8,29,30,2,21,0,3,0,0,7,9,2,3,4,112,32,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453646708564714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099214889775605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105952292310131,0.0,0.0,0.08590815250540068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363819528833374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465770733229067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913567281652646,0.1068322835807938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924629435997278,0.0,0.0,0.13790376571544907,0.09443121304554984,0.0879572516616994,0.09975385274726974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278522569940198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272523298184805,0.0,0.059330058410168474,0.0,0.08349418175333538,0.11509580585400295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045776112795395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107876517287454,0.09279103219478912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474744873409623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395942482746135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168019680096856,0.10487876340457801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016977436516726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879413418838104,0.0,0.0,0.11591824263330285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301905790427888,0.0,0.2113065346163528,0.0,0.09503724575272286,0.0,0.0,0.21431984114323555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686160459268627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29517302738424384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124579160403758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935536901238995,0.06689207154334438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23997328609904225,0.0,0.09975385274726974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286385567620083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677516868556817,0.0942002088162172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200154038976416,0.0,0.10638737731934386,0.0741591804206654,0.0,0.0,0.13445385591628176
suicidewatch,dudedudedude666,2019/02/11,"My father is a piece of shit role model for my younger sister and having to take over that role makes me want to kill myself I've been feeling overwhelmed lately.  She expects me to be there for homework and for guidance and for playing with her, my mother and father are busy fighting because that's what they've been doing for as long as I've been around, and my own future and work is stagnating and I can't even get a couple of clear headed hours to work clearly.

I feel like I am about to lose control, I've got three firearms in my room (seeing as I'm the fucking sensible one in my family, I'm the one that keeps them) and I feel like it would be so easy to just grab one and use it.  

I don't want to talk about this with anyone because they wouldn't understand, my mother tells me ""what else can your sister do? she's a child she has no one"", and it puts so much pressure on me I'm literally tearing up just reading this.  

I feel like shit, my mother keeps nagging my father.  And my father is a clueless-religion-up-the-ass-moron that keeps telling me to resort to prayers.  They don't understand their own lack of belief in their religion and lack of doing what they're teaching me about religion is the reason I'm not praying anymore.  

My sister is knocking on my door as we speak, if she knocks again I might have a breakdown.",8.129395604395603,5.599619421245425,7.935247252747255,78.69100274725277,63.57875457875458,10.41868131868132,35.20421245421245,8.07648339933343,2.5827926739926736,1054,34,217,9,12,339,137,273,0.114,0.8,0.086,-0.8897,0,0,0,1,2,1,26.0,1,1,5,4,11,13,6,2,8,0,25,4,3,4,2,44,47,19,1,8,4,10,5,3,0,3,0,1,3,1,12,16,0,4,8,2,0,1,6,9,0,5,4,7,38,4,35,38,6,15,2,2,1,1,30,9,3,2,8,151,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276297703183475,0.08655442115807753,0.0,0.0,0.11019625749857233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091824158158818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388371211051854,0.0,0.13696744288950208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340776331032364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175983674174919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669492538538187,0.0,0.2503607592247793,0.2652993689811053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144386539045264,0.06467335372244203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900339753048353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704069395885842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190479884514825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300814711179904,0.1369514568464652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963659954072666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142754009586387,0.0,0.0,0.1095471852362431,0.0,0.1384854656249111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262847114053852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131794833035498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099734387428056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355238300533945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443965444697384,0.0,0.0,0.1238200301123914,0.0,0.0,0.1272731712247753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864183908367573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541301918983859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307206642866282,0.09949492524516948,0.2163897696691259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577322901717769,0.0,0.1069118188945284,0.0,0.0,0.1460250072125092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023613876367514,0.0,0.0,0.08793440052400649,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RomanSkplatsky,2019/02/11,"Hey, Can you spare me the lecture? Im going to kill myself is there any relatively fast and painless ways that you know of?",1.0114666666666672,3.4625442799999995,2.764,90.08866666666668,86.2,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.23273333333333346,97,3,20,1,3,32,24,25,0.173,0.752,0.075,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355056235661067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803911214433783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5329196645757013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5458360965660751,0.0,0.27114090979983274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916107626179264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,planningorimpulse,2019/02/11,"Tired of being exhausted My body feels so heavy all day long. I feel like I’m covered in weights. 

Its like my body is depressed, but my mind isn’t. My mind has all kinds of ideas and things I want to do. I just can’t achieve these things because I can’t move. 

I want to live so badly but I can’t live like this anymore I’m too tired of fighting ",-0.5368567251461975,1.5070170394736842,0.9007017543859668,103.64546783625731,89.13157894736842,3.9040935672514623,18.970760233918128,5.033348758259628,-0.7690099415204679,269,8,68,1,9,85,45,76,0.227,0.654,0.119,-0.8954,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,2,13,14,5,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,3,10,4,6,13,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,38,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720682981195677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486771043068747,0.10576578383810126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38544531312977776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189504488655867,0.0,0.14943783082584336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545660262278992,0.12395053735931097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958637041321137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067661609216365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542943223690277,0.0,0.3064125553060613,0.15354464499912973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503770252023726,0.0,0.0,0.18440617060165326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23053529201262324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988322200130495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467306252632125,0.0,0.0,0.21127984297137328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xerotolerance879,2019/02/11,"I’m scared to die I want to end my life on Valentines Day but I’m afraid of actually killing myself. I want to jump off the balcony of my school. My life is shit, I hate everything. Medication doesn’t do shit, neither does therapy. I just want my pain to end and be remembered somehow.",0.903201970443348,3.336707448275864,2.900049261083744,89.0284482758621,86.58620689655174,6.762561576354681,25.52709359605912,7.957251820313856,1.7084748768472915,224,10,48,5,7,75,39,58,0.398,0.5479999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,2,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,8,10,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,9,0,8,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.19339394716856054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278089482623874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567833365853644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734276267027999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510552356351277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781103507462906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566056222522885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925550904952115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799591322106881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996443183773873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108762441991655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449797793824885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841157805001464,0.20056755282990035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068554352948546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22663475972745395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506730197791804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrookesThrowawayX,2019/02/11,"Sinking in quicksand I've got nobody I can talk about this with. 

I'm 22 and I'm done.

I've been emotionally and sexually abused more times than I can even count by SIX different members of my ""family"". I've been a trophy for a narcissist mom and dad when I was younger, and an inconvenient nuisance after I was 8.

Nobody I've ever dated has ever seen me as anything more than some holes to put their dick in. Wait, that's a lie - some have also seen me as a punching bag.

I'm on a downward spiral. I'm addicted to painkillers which is ironic because they do nothing for the daily pain of waking up and being me and being used again. It's like the more I struggle the deeper I go. I'm so fucking done.",2.3964840182648395,3.91748839726028,4.4303424657534265,84.96939497716895,75.98630136986301,6.784474885844749,25.180365296803647,7.492282038375204,1.2439926940639263,550,19,113,7,12,189,94,146,0.121,0.861,0.018000000000000002,-0.9168,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,1,9,0,14,5,2,1,2,13,26,11,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,9,2,12,1,18,15,5,14,0,0,2,2,5,5,2,2,8,76,16,0,0.0,0.2382074382068601,0.0,0.21917055478335534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607769558771565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544428582696044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255618894997343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005098805834427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41148110731811177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226150452771117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278943479902355,0.3637164610451235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952891545986175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858644143229244,0.0,0.0,0.1142594603128626,0.0,0.16079539447689326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822125168214356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235463439586357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929097099399388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392784039205415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021074410017948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017763991191826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615937043809035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172319348014646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363977926206733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,codcksckr,2019/02/11,"My contemplations are getting increasingly serious and realistic, and I’m not sure how to handle them. Hey Reddit, I’m not exactly living my best life at the moment (and not by choice), so I wanted to explain my situation here.

I’m 17 and a senior at my high school. I went to a parochial school up until my freshman year here, and the transition still has me shook now. None of my friends went to the school that I did, and  I still know practically nobody here. I’ve tried talking to too many people but people tend to ignore me. Even on my bowling team it’s difficult to get anyone on my team to say a word. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, there isn’t a place for me here.

At home, I recently lost my father to a heart attack. My mom and I knew it was bound to happen, since he was diagnosed with heart disease when he was 38 (he was 54). I was certainly more involved with him than my mom, and my mom seems to try her best to move on from what happened. My older sister doesn’t seem to care, and she’s neglected me as a brother regardless. Anyways, he was the only one who pushed me to get a job and work hard in school, but taking all IB courses is becoming overly strenuous on my mind.

Back to how I’ve been doing myself, my grades have been slipping. I’ve dropped from an A/B student to a B/C student, and I feel like a disappointment to my mom as a result. Despite the fact that I’ve never been to a party, drank, smoked, etc. my mom believes that I regularly engage in this risky behavior, and that it is the sole reason my grades are slipping. 

TL;DR: Without any friends, a father, or any motivation to do anything, I sometimes think that suicide is the only option to ending the pain.",5.779034324942793,5.202917182608697,6.780274599542334,78.79256292906182,67.02898550724638,9.581998474446989,31.201372997711672,8.99025400887824,2.405869565217392,1328,45,271,20,19,447,187,345,0.147,0.772,0.081,-0.9671,1,0,1,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,1,7,19,19,1,1,21,0,21,6,2,6,6,51,45,23,1,2,8,9,4,2,2,0,3,1,1,0,11,14,1,3,10,2,0,6,9,9,0,1,15,5,40,10,43,30,7,33,0,3,0,0,27,13,0,4,15,181,51,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957623786036416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061475198271494426,0.0,0.07235006854719203,0.0,0.0,0.10002086281565112,0.0,0.0676044922061124,0.0,0.0,0.09709992697951554,0.0,0.09905491087051856,0.1845317007429207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963955595178898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923620903547383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787037798414889,0.0,0.09805322719736588,0.05806984908563492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890924985008034,0.12561908905557792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585242084003193,0.0,0.13780257055991812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554934413765067,0.0,0.15751679481633074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836951809769544,0.0,0.09289153655695788,0.08819019697280278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724630996568113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048318131868081836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209998095006096,0.08590582934277513,0.0,0.07763432674995156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959742696986422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913634097573211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877340040151717,0.5148499360155726,0.0,0.09344427083868168,0.0,0.0,0.06780876158538163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957637316894793,0.13373313426451736,0.0935523027534848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219043044164639,0.0,0.0918569251785553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039565317403488,0.08680967311854333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991693285128306,0.0,0.3559159827817655,0.0,0.16007680398699234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272772922399727,0.09882494389674144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695440677430888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042488624070273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616941222879466,0.0,0.08286287211678267,0.0,0.06610434984932932,0.07066617943505828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056335118615435165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907424082030546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518570637460017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630040894576743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475103951134774,0.0,0.06400627615514641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661712775959025
suicidewatch,hibaHo,2019/02/11,"Please read Hi, I’m a 17 years old girl and this will be long. Please don't comment shit to make me feel even more miserable because that's what most people here do. To start off I'm very close to committing suicide. I even tried to write a suicide note for everyone (parents etc) to read but I tore it.

There's so many things that have led me to this and idk if I can fit them in this whole post. Bear with me haha...

So this is the minor problem... my mother has been horrible to me throughout my life. We have had on and off relationships and at this point I've cut off contact with her but she still tries her best to kill me from the inside. She sees everything and knows I'm not well. She won't do anything about it haha...when I'm crying and having mental issues she will call me names to make me feel even worse. you might think typical Asian parents...no she doesn't really care actually. She is immature so I can't even blame her for it. It looks like she has a mental disorder of her own. All she cares about is her social life and boyfriends. Care?...the hell I don't even need her care now tbvh . I truly despise her with all my heart. Now my father, hes a lost father amd all he cares about is financial aid. He is way better than my mother but I can't talk to him, I can't tell him how horrible my life has become because I don't have that father daughter relationship with him. 

So here's another issue...I have struggled with socialising on and off throughout my life. Back in grade 10 and 11 I used to be very social, now I can't even talk to anyone, my mind is blank when I get the opportunity. I feel like people hate me. I may have five? Four friends at school but they are not my close friends. I had a best friend a year ago. She was my best friend for three years but when I started having depression and became a complete sociopath she left me. I was all alone. I started to live a new life when grade 12 started. Things were going so well....there were ups and downs. But I coped with it and I was mentally stable. Now...I can't go a day without harming myself and anger outbursts. Even now that I got a chance to make friends I do everything in my power to be myself and be happy around them, but they don't seem to like me as a friend they are more interested in other friends. I don't know what's in them that isn't in me except my horrible social awkwardness and social anxiety. Why am I always the one making the effort why can't people approach me. I'm a loner and I'll always be I guess.

My parents don't understand me at all. They don't look past me..they don't fucking know what pain I'm going through...I've has major medical health issues and they were so lazy they didn't get me to medical care. That's how horrible they are. I want to die I seriously want to fucking die now. They've put me through so much depression in the past without even realising.

The biggest problem is My mental health. I can go from being happy to sad to extremely sad to happy again in 1 hour. The cycle continues everyday and it's killing me. I don't know what's wrong with my mental health. I feel scared. I have had enough. I am not diagnosed because I never got a chance to go to a psychiatrist so I won't jump to conclusions saying that i have borderline disorder. But the symptoms are very similar.

Today I started feeling different I can't tell if it's depression but it feels terrible and I am the most hopeless I've ever been in my life. I also had suicidal thoughts many times in the past few hours. All i think of is self harm and suicide.

On the tiny bit of bright side of my life I do have goals. I want to finish A level and get to university and study psychology. Now it all feels hopeless because everything is so hard and my mental capacity has declined and isn't enough to cope with the stress of studying.  but I still have this tiny bit of inspiration in me. I also have a very supportive boyfriend but he's busy most of the time. He is the person who had been with me throughout 10-11 grade and we were very close friends. He helped me when I had a mental break down dealing with me and my best friend's break up. We started dating a couple of months ago. But...I can't talk to him about this I don't want to upset him. And i dont want to seem depressed around him. I have a huge fear of abandonment. So I might just leave it the way it is and plan my suicide soon. Because I'm done I can't take this anymore.

If there is anything helpful that I can do please tell me. Please help me...",1.239921437332182,3.4199319892818885,2.8701331477000283,91.61685948221569,82.26902465166131,6.0339178572612475,21.408481674235645,7.271424873887216,0.6283888111733562,3538,110,768,51,97,1163,334,933,0.2,0.642,0.158,-0.9958,5,1,1,0,0,8,109.0,3,1,10,12,50,67,10,7,35,1,100,19,2,8,10,123,166,61,9,11,21,8,8,3,9,7,15,1,0,3,35,46,0,1,19,2,0,9,32,35,1,4,22,13,133,32,92,131,26,96,1,11,4,2,87,37,4,12,48,511,168,7,0.0,0.0,0.0396688066174458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206803597770775,0.0,0.0,0.042101427636783983,0.0,0.06501602388755177,0.06764857401560767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042625359946159416,0.031097350748793818,0.0,0.04031415186937851,0.028423618943584486,0.0,0.06690342891927406,0.0723747300309045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031257553930201486,0.0,0.12390015821712208,0.04489503737306996,0.0,0.0,0.17063983175017872,0.03595186672221058,0.0887591486187947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04150847793525262,0.0,0.2486740004702549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042621042179314825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497875847679978,0.0446524206503316,0.026216065842954158,0.041908650785540895,0.14004809654727304,0.041259175617339584,0.08437713964426867,0.042470887642753065,0.0931774787587617,0.0,0.0,0.0415993469908577,0.047641822062750895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400520558306622,0.0453358044286124,0.2147929973622412,0.03677050294706664,0.0,0.03884308183836881,0.10960154385020976,0.0,0.0,0.045742863234316915,0.14387801068949993,0.029040566112428362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28265672954160664,0.07516105237555386,0.06371427608486037,0.0,0.1155124464285141,0.0,0.06502348020760955,0.0,0.04478086322448703,0.0,0.0,0.12981892771891035,0.03641466379092762,0.04013373282468018,0.0,0.12962803112730584,0.0,0.04817077413651464,0.08174107169129355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006466921985649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485665612499843,0.0,0.0,0.08994701763560711,0.0,0.08936131688222944,0.0,0.0,0.0430427740565276,0.044166645055697236,0.0,0.20098745041751226,0.05957901626005479,0.0,0.03589493946383182,0.03597421608089232,0.06827198953044189,0.0,0.044374579456507995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853750258697012,0.08242600141704384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190175518866323,0.2867614281821577,0.08624704027489176,0.041045191821837385,0.0,0.0324466633883379,0.0,0.02988263098007553,0.03014166542287097,0.0313519997418693,0.03926029097148346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042655627747705836,0.0,0.027545679828741145,0.0,0.04325476093654021,0.0,0.09027464426006368,0.0,0.11641586761981546,0.08454535146874757,0.03549425404595788,0.0,0.17848718901040278,0.03842765122976294,0.0,0.03893172872740027,0.0,0.0,0.07779365056976215,0.0,0.04086475620941782,0.0,0.0,0.08132255536826101,0.0,0.026041608446887868,0.0,0.0,0.08728636941756286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03232673196583321,0.04069801891714949,0.04114025068224621,0.032393007872910065,0.07401297118455848,0.04240710455494637,0.0,0.04172692532590303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657513533439118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263485232086667,0.0,0.06492672767112828,0.0,0.04656475512300922,0.04249649579005391,0.0,0.2223240269309752,0.046129452772963216,0.0,0.042251202663482805,0.03056394942124125,0.09801945888440168,0.10659040186633943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401247571467389,0.05209411241246043,0.0,0.03227177937058895,0.04740700700453351,0.0,0.0385317096183016,0.0,0.0,0.0551977396500534,0.0,0.0,0.04231837211365995,0.0,0.035108787744922716,0.0,0.16770367941712155,0.11988293335305827,0.06453259576105036,0.0,0.0,0.07309896210505297,0.0,0.07336110474870662,0.04538458272375818,0.0,0.07837083311239107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041426105257852314,0.0,0.04444469666717071,0.0,0.07853233712293868
suicidewatch,lemon--clouds,2019/02/11,drug screen when hospitalized? Do hospitals run drug screens when they admit you for psychiatric hospitalization?,10.829999999999998,15.779892000000002,8.180000000000003,50.66500000000002,66.5,13.2,39.25,11.20814326018867,7.105100000000002,96,5,11,4,2,28,14,16,0.0,0.8740000000000001,0.126,0.2869,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mono_lee_t,2019/02/11,"it's gotten worse. I feel like I am cornering myself. It gets worse and worse every day. I cannot control my thoughts and actions. I do stuff that I regret immediately, but it keeps happening. I have been crying all day long. Trying to distract myself. But it feels like I am burning from the inside. I can't talk to anyone. I want to lie and listen to silence. I'd be so happy to go to a therapist, but I have no money at the moment. 

I feel like I am rotting. Like there is no tomorrow for me. Nothing. ",-0.14379120879120674,2.1526601153846165,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,92.07692307692308,4.894505494505495,19.92857142857143,6.5431188927421005,0.43465329670329655,388,13,79,5,14,136,67,104,0.182,0.645,0.173,0.241,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,3,0,11,0,0,1,1,15,22,7,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,4,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,3,4,16,5,9,18,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,9,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796176696828008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921589339088735,0.0,0.0,0.18531343421745788,0.21760026096111554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214040530753572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559054506621149,0.3615665372358664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814088268155318,0.0,0.09587837716640836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491843996642836,0.1795885566160645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995187634785054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296810325814972,0.0,0.0,0.14929774081982602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187604840806122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931257303722904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559789354794655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958783594877861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393214021483374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453894936283343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950599658499308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157713996091826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worthlessdog88,2019/02/11,"Cannot become a worthwhile person myself overnight, but at least can release the resources I'm occupying to those worthwhile overnight. By ""worthwhile"" I mean someone like my younger brother, who's talented, hardworking, charming. I want to leave all my savings to him instead of wasting those on my foods. I will be greatly pleased if after I die he spends those money on upgrading the compute, buying some game consoles, or taking a trip to Japan with his girlfriend who is also a really nice, sweet, caring person. ",11.47642857142857,9.777975076923076,9.750631868131874,65.67561813186815,56.47252747252747,11.2978021978022,48.024725274725284,9.516144504307137,5.07814065934066,416,23,61,5,4,127,70,91,0.125,0.596,0.279,0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,10,4,1,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,8,11,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,3,2,44,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314937304388814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805584885010884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590026492300883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636452061051321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071766152849627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800712794149573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26898330721597696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410724901433745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27671542140649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436220503774861,0.0,0.2788509537782707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273946368020212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524056808769385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100051929995301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983471023363495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,selfaholic,2019/02/11,"Not today I was triggered into suicidal thoughts today by something that made me feel like a bad mother, a worthless person, a screwed up individual who really shouldn't exist.

I was doing well, or so I thought. But life goes on whether I can follow it or not, responsibilities pile up and when you add becoming aware of and starting to process childhood emotional trauma, it just becomes a pile of manure stinking to high heaven and all you have to shovel it away is a fucking fork. Seriously, that's how it feels. :D

I hate my parents with a passion for failing to teach me how to handle life. My narcissistic ""let me do 'everything' for you -but neglect your basic needs- so I can claim to be a good mother and then demand EVERYTHING back from you"" mother. My enabling and avoidant father who keeps making weird sexual innuendos in front of me and my kids and is increasingly creeping me out. 

I hate myself for repeating some of the same mistakes with my children the moment I stop being hyperaware of my actions and behaviour. Behavioural patterns are a bitch to overcome. I hate my ex for bailing with his new partner across the ocean while pretending to be a good parent from thousands of miles away and telling the kids how ""he's working on being able to come back to our home country to stay"". Liar, liar, pants on fire. Do I tell my kids the truth and crush their spirits or do I smile and nod and allow them to see their father in a good light? 

I'm okay now. I won't hurt myself. It will cross my mind here and there for a few days, but I'll be okay. I just needed to get this off my chest. I can't deal with life very well right now, but at least there's another day and another after that to try and do it differently.",6.082958579881655,6.246209514792903,6.501591715976336,78.55013905325445,66.27810650887574,9.126863905325443,31.988757396449703,8.841846274778883,2.517928520710059,1368,51,262,20,20,444,195,338,0.163,0.7190000000000001,0.118,-0.9546,3,1,1,0,0,2,34.0,1,5,3,3,17,30,8,1,16,2,23,7,1,7,2,59,42,31,1,4,12,8,3,1,1,3,3,0,1,6,12,23,0,4,4,1,0,6,5,19,2,1,5,6,41,11,47,28,6,42,2,4,1,3,30,17,3,4,19,189,53,3,0.10866533596308592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789015892495654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041893203628805,0.1671138716894479,0.09073101657506127,0.0,0.2400246523387449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360556504578572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140160304074482,0.11202918989905136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353214784363397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223387700410901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532279436462066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988891778191642,0.07763053772438935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045935208797717,0.056773153044367586,0.0,0.0,0.2734299846416752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218535666286678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481089358594115,0.10900019200090667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632848961841885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658674347458424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111766832401576,0.23026062121950275,0.05308839425343003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282176830617673,0.07253495555552228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972101231753507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114793944631162,0.0,0.1049496586097162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24131999182300684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488237994556724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961379675290558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279960317516693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659220381410494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365588453236486,0.0,0.0,0.07691388409208698,0.11582278975363698,0.0,0.09084908657679044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886224044590447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995658650059652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725362774377531,0.0,0.0,0.2060040651775471,0.0,0.0,0.07377663013894635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966028252416265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540637442606332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791096587790316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blackwater_7,2019/02/11,suicide its the only way im sorry mom LOL :),-4.6370000000000005,-8.232207699999996,0.7250000000000014,94.31750000000002,176.0,1.0,12.5,3.1291,-1.449,33,1,7,0,4,13,10,10,0.316,0.327,0.35600000000000004,0.18600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339297466148763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4704930904846318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552842313262824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496959784874048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394197299487239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188689971306482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beefstockcube,2019/02/11,"I’m floored at the lack of interaction I would assume this is the last bastion of help but there are minimal responses.

Just a comment, I’ve never survived. My demographic isn’t predisposed to that. 

The solution has washed over me. The fix was simple, and if not for kids we wouldn’t be here... ",2.5731578947368448,5.119925877192987,4.055350877192982,82.9082894736842,79.70175438596492,8.010526315789475,27.043859649122812,8.841846274778883,2.4441017543859656,233,10,45,6,6,77,48,57,0.091,0.825,0.084,-0.1035,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,0,1,11,9,3,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450553508752089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479230104879517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5184328954032433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775031343277354,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imperator-fabulosa,2019/02/11,"I am empty and no one deserves to miss me I can't do this anymore. I am very close to giving up, just staying in bed all the time. Only leaving home to buy more $10 handles of vodka. There is nothing here for me.",-0.3953191489361707,1.4434367021276628,2.3866382978723406,94.69400000000002,86.23404255319151,3.76,22.16595744680852,3.1291,-0.22183063829787253,163,6,37,0,5,57,41,47,0.121,0.821,0.058,-0.235,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,7,7,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474671813602224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361013054720162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514439006449263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709851425823166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33618393858457984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374158771777076,0.2664677932734859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734416634262148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043002064630005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28908719191022825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,famine2,2019/02/11,"My anxiety for everything and uncapacity of being a functional adult is ruining my BF's life, and I can't stand this anymore. FUCK. I need to vent. This is not be pleasant to read at all ; not native, drunk, bromazepam bro is here, and never talked yet about this trauma stuff. I'm not even coherent. Ok, I'm in huge distress again.   
He his my only crush ever, my only love, my niciest thing who's ever happening to me. I'm ok to say I was really into him at a insane point, but I've changed it and it's fine now. But guys, I love him the much you can love someone. Really men. I've very huge social/anxiety issue, and never connect with everyone. But I feel strongly insane related with a few, and he is on the top. We live 24/24 together since 3 years, and I'm fucking needy. He is not. I feel alone a bit, u know. Well. Just venting away.

  
Instead of me, he's succesful ans geniusly smart, or at least he was before meeting me. I just fucked up everything as usual, but damn this time I can't stand this. .  
I really can't.  
I'm not denying that my mental health is crappy AF (numerous and various diag), but damn, I've putted so much energy these last month for improoving it. But I'm still aweful to live with and it just broke my hearth. I'm a very, very sweet and empathic dude, never act like an asshole or whatever, very docile... but I need to live on a bubble, a thing who isn't possible.   


You need to know a part of my background ;

4 years of strong abusive relationship before him litteraly breaks me appart and leaves me infixable behaviour, like a insane abandon fear. I was hardly mentally abused by a narcissic pervers from my 15 to my 19 (he was 30.). The favorite game of this asshole was to create an argument of nothing (litterally nothing : eg I've posted to him a octopus cute pict, and he started a argument about the fact I was considering it stupid as an octopus) during 6 continuous hours until I feel dissociated and hopeless enough to be submissive to everything, litterally crying on the ground and smashing my head against the ground for punishing me. When I was at this point, he was used to leave the appartement while promising he was going to killing himself because of me. I weight 60kg, him 120 or more. I've hurted me a lot while trying to empech him to leave, but I wasn't strenght enough and he knowed it. It was his game. Once he was gone, he wasn't reponsding until I beg him during hours, saying (and worst ; thinking) everything was my fault.  
One time he tried to killed himself with a knife. I was using all my strenght to prevent this knife to go to it target : his heart. At this time, I didn't understand it was just theater. I was a teenager, fuck... He never wanted to kill himself, not a single time.  
But he learn me PURE HELPNESS, deep in my fleash. It's one of the worst feeling ever.  
Sometime, I wasn't allowed to quit the bed before he would tell me to. He was regulary snooping if I was faking to sleep (damn, it was 4PM, how the hell I'm supposed to sleep ?). Sometime I get an icecream for rewarding if I didn't moove for hours.  
It's hard for me to remember, because my brain learned to secure lock under so much pressure. It just stop writting on the hard drive and I'm amnesic about the whole argument. It never healed. Look like he will never do.  
He forced me to accept his money too. I wouldn't, but again it was suicide threats everytime. Understand late after that it was for not looking like a asshole for exterious people. You know, he was the good guy, searcher scientist, who help a young almost homeless gay dude and even give him money. Ha. Ha. Ha...   


  


  


  
If even when doing my best, i'm still not nice to live with, why should I continue. Honestly. Just want to end up again. Ever than before, because this time I'm not the only one who is involved.   
Sometime being altruist is",2.836971772437547,4.839948816976129,4.339273526267866,83.99628231521443,76.08222811671087,7.5253652163585265,26.37309473850905,8.398303386505232,1.9020084959816304,2984,114,583,57,67,993,333,754,0.196,0.6779999999999999,0.126,-0.9964,3,1,0,0,1,2,128.0,1,3,0,6,32,56,14,3,37,5,49,19,5,4,14,102,94,45,4,11,31,1,8,4,1,4,3,2,1,4,36,25,2,4,15,4,2,6,25,28,1,3,27,13,73,28,79,59,19,78,1,5,2,9,64,24,8,8,48,375,109,3,0.0,0.13530839822282756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057177432493011375,0.05913841116040305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736273413088072,0.0,0.05662788704939872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364735830056618,0.0,0.0,0.10442294588245273,0.0,0.1943516814586704,0.0,0.059922959248816826,0.0,0.0623384445600069,0.0,0.0,0.06374251818485134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060404261106393936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272170232582393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057367886220092,0.11799919067459545,0.0,0.1131420949246393,0.2066009866096357,0.0,0.054561526139024534,0.20527130243490446,0.0,0.0,0.06425340909916367,0.11548596439874576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111522325076968,0.029832409234834295,0.05477555229509119,0.06490252644131303,0.04789279651557751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307601495650875,0.050493368421523945,0.0,0.15345123529641566,0.0,0.058601104682512825,0.060694662335095136,0.0,0.06766381110343077,0.07654589369392635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869608443902254,0.0,0.06112676365279195,0.0,0.0,0.05959759681917076,0.0,0.0,0.18951817112274366,0.0,0.12552273393691582,0.04654414592112794,0.06441132153958658,0.18138206321169548,0.0,0.0,0.040331440211533016,0.1115847627311355,0.0,0.20168149231454574,0.0,0.09589928926928944,0.0,0.0,0.048544404039798525,0.15460502066082624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508680140653002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557669960260991,0.0,0.12592527735878678,0.12701684737737864,0.2642343818976226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957803857886282,0.0,0.0,0.06080966897055904,0.11607737534166075,0.1302814387309004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183376870613525,0.0,0.039585971604845616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079559704226639,0.0643717049848149,0.05468604534100648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740130181644329,0.0,0.0607329110498495,0.05711548260872978,0.0,0.10973922506119944,0.0,0.0,0.06130406369883579,0.06468320360425002,0.0,0.0,0.09081647220899904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723373530946839,0.0,0.11428253497740667,0.058206290348461164,0.048380670571075014,0.0,0.16942017071314014,0.0,0.04041569550105141,0.0,0.09120031628001114,0.04773818229281146,0.0,0.0,0.06536587389370707,0.062458165689342225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045894841628928366,0.04990794346853878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586944614236521,0.03658739396514764,0.0,0.0,0.1664774349402779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753434517022689,0.0,0.0,0.11888629104396453,0.0,0.09863218620114043,0.06288761659673607,0.18845402074331646,0.06735815483419952,0.0,0.0,0.06953245434719063,0.051339784884044885,0.0,0.05152389621129975,0.06375014492658088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040562223408273486,0.0,0.0,0.07354109512596875
suicidewatch,Username-is-taken---,2019/02/11,Help I’m 13 and I don’t know how to fully explain it in a way it would make sense but last year my parents divorced bc they’ve always fought and I’m stuck between it then my mum got a boyfriend so I get stuck between their fights and he gets mad at me for little things I get in trouble for mumbling because I have hearing problems so in my head when I talk I feel like I’m yelling and my sister fights with her boyfriend and again I’m stuck in the middle my friends are starting to fight with me I get yelled at a lot I get all of people’s anger dumped on me and I have no one to talk to bc I have social anxiety quite bad I just don’t what to do ,0.34726108374384523,2.0638990413793117,1.876871921182268,100.05353448275864,82.72413793103449,4.418719211822661,21.391625615763548,4.65589566412798,-0.4201822660098521,511,16,126,1,14,165,87,145,0.309,0.635,0.056,-0.9916,1,0,0,0,5,0,0.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,7,0,4,0,8,1,1,2,1,19,28,12,0,2,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,5,4,21,2,19,22,2,16,0,0,0,0,18,9,0,1,7,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821616115169101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454606702079683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587634225908458,0.1159108388281914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961432008062416,0.13583987407983586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690582362196627,0.0,0.4967154799340794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207660431685344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514398322917256,0.0,0.21430762571195394,0.0,0.12745041818065836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044989101270942,0.15499383638341474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928954120618046,0.1905755909358419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616547745837888,0.0,0.0,0.12692349580303186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288474083078673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113390595441814,0.0,0.0,0.13182284226242075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194341764372016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224298227107174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382923596971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458585546777327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056632551097189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632411970580507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092852612254073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350737991614027,0.0,0.0,0.12244736947936365
suicidewatch,red_ashcroft,2019/02/11,"Im running out of reason to put it off... There's no excuse to what I have been thinking. But suicide has been on my mind for quite sometime. Maybe if I die now, things will get better for everyone. This bickering will end. I don't have to think of my future. Everything just stops and I can finally feel peace. This problem has gone way out of control, everything was taken from me. I don't know what to do. There's no life within me now. I tried getting help, but not the help I need. Sympathy made from empty words doesn't help anymore. I don't want to fight anymore.",1.0594694960212152,3.389016724137935,2.5382758620689643,92.75738726790449,84.34482758620689,5.638196286472149,21.854111405835546,7.010146845296331,0.6451281167108753,444,15,94,6,13,144,76,116,0.125,0.706,0.16899999999999998,0.8043,0,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,1,0,1,0,15,1,0,3,0,21,26,4,2,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,6,1,12,1,17,18,0,15,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33757340060673124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505227487719401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908870256941241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663448592118378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074135416542264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262764585385614,0.3059187584973615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605519240552004,0.0,0.0,0.18643919118823432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783866498337933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422323211644681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383870887651946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353416301665747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021304460554498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610416634118485,0.0,0.0,0.17098273322597962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184740766402784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261966831116388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628526581281842,0.0,0.1710919624859625,0.0,0.18102225228675128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498776200746902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832620268619314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422897919651367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861645956259796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306932092524286,0.2181068664875114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555054376343488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038482173164937,0.13509206315204775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bearenghetti,2019/02/11,"Have you ever softlocked a game? It's basically hitting a dead end in a maze where there is no turning around. The only thing left is to delete the save file. This chance is over. I don't know if there's a chance to start a new game after this one but it really doesn't matter.

My girlfriend left but I didn't really love her anyway and I saw it coming. Still hurt for some reason. The next day I lost my job but I hated working there anyway. Still felt like a failure. That was over 2 weeks ago now. I haven't even looked at a new job. I woke up at 8pm yesterday. My life in shambles. I stopped taking my meds. Even if I got a job that pays the same as my last one (doubtful) I wouldn't be able to afford a place to live without my gf paying half the rent anyway, not much point in working if I can't live anyway.

​

And then there's the most damning part. My now ex is pregnant. I didn't meant to do it. I resent my parents for creating me without consent and then I went and did the same thing. I can't be in my daughter's life. I'm not capable, not strong enough. But more than not being good for me, I wouldn't be good for her. The impact of me being in her life would be even worse than that of an absent father. I am toxic. I have made every life I have touched worse. I can't do that to her.

​

I'm not sure when or how I'll end it. The only reason I haven't is that being awake doesn't feel real anymore. I have disconnected entirely. It's like being on a bender without any drugs. It's like being in a fever dream without any sickness.

My birthday is tomorrow. Might be a good time. Save my family from having two different days of loss each year, my birthday and death date.

​

I'm sorry Mom. I'm sorry Dad. And to my dear Emma that I'll never meet, I hope you can forgive me someday. I hope you can make some amount of positive impact that I never could.

\~A Tout Le Monde

​",0.2648069345941693,2.4702455925925944,2.1928605200945626,94.68872340425531,86.90123456790123,4.631993695823484,18.246650906225376,6.01570014992238,-0.26830811662726584,1495,39,329,12,47,495,193,405,0.187,0.721,0.092,-0.9911,7,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,3,0,5,20,22,3,1,23,0,43,8,0,5,4,58,68,19,2,9,17,6,3,3,2,4,7,0,1,0,18,9,0,1,7,3,3,2,24,7,0,4,12,5,49,15,37,40,11,48,0,3,2,1,20,18,1,11,31,227,67,8,0.07092681470974499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287234176107241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073966964203941,0.344735372796302,0.09646533237347674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034034158842248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313990244962286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061097170583071424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662929017829151,0.0,0.0,0.09148385571760753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410342536869588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822525872899498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564021127778124,0.07328635952784125,0.0,0.14053947656719698,0.06415736454173941,0.0597589004413949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686348858348926,0.0,0.035862728629579115,0.0,0.06810086493120221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784701412358084,0.05672665301121457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002554550206908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408926613545468,0.0,0.0,0.07592862209005567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115175823712376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038979522468025225,0.05781482046429778,0.0,0.0,0.15412438342239385,0.0,0.20039082713840325,0.10395377704616056,0.0,0.12525935365637647,0.0,0.05956066098143761,0.0,0.07742499673382032,0.0,0.06401421944327519,0.06711266701699545,0.04734419957449711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878370183671214,0.0,0.0,0.07524214193545233,0.0,0.0830686281637364,0.0,0.0,0.05213936975555907,0.0,0.10940626400717172,0.1370031192392578,0.07543147209098316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612369049543104,0.1078860773428766,0.0,0.0,0.07875583411255445,0.07680682856301706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410342536869588,0.0,0.06704876547323375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073024299555402,0.09087506737590112,0.14584915673185314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587935244074239,0.050202364509869375,0.0,0.11328449169420787,0.05929799298987608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684768347956115,0.0,0.05332813771072694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942412481878936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135799603558708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714800725664782,0.0692851919021604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568932125206457,0.0,0.0,0.06574986782128305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734836734036356,0.0,0.10327113168596112,0.0,0.1445609672730638,0.05038437418007385,0.0,0.344735372796302,0.0456745432461111
suicidewatch,69meme69,2019/02/11,"I need help Hello this is my first post here. English is not my native language so sorry for my grammar mistakes. 

I don’t know what to do. I have depression and terrible anxiety. I have had depression about a year or more. I have help but no medication. 

Everyday I feel like shit and everything I do is wrong. I have good and caring family and friends and girlfriend but still I feel lonely. 

I feel empty. Sometimes I have good days, but I have more bad days. I almost ruined my relationship, not once but twice.  I can’t enjoy things anymore and talking is harder.

I feel anxious when I’m around people. If I tell somebody about this they just tell me ”its not that bad.”
I can’t talk to my friends because they treat my depression and anxiety like some feeling. If I tell them ”i’m depressed and want to die” they tell me ”you have to just get better attitude :)”. They treat me like depression is just feeling that goes away when I change my attitude and think ”wow I can do that!”. I can’t just do that. If I think ”i can do this” it doesn’t work. 
Everyday I feel like suicide is only choice just end this pain. I can’t do anything anymore, because my terrible anxiety and fear of failing.

I want advice what to do. I don’t know what to do and my help isn’t working, I can’t ask friends for help.


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suicidewatch,tr3v989,2019/02/11,"Rough night How is it possible that even though I tried to end it tonight,  I stopped right at the near end due to panic???",8.779600000000002,5.123944560000002,7.376000000000001,86.70800000000001,63.4,11.6,37.0,8.841846274778883,2.627,94,3,23,1,1,28,21,25,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5613811230904665,0.0,0.0,0.2093178300998068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974010731662517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718287363762427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572714191712938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270641689166697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26495318308617144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113650898750781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151629006876426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eding42,2019/02/11,"Academic Pressure Makes Me Suicidal (asian perspective) I'm a high schooler in the Bay Area. My friends are always talking about how many APs they're doing, or if they got a internship at some tech company over the summer, or about the new Android app they're building. I'm a freshman.

I feel like I'm drowning. My school is in a upper middle class suburb of Silicon Valley. It's majority Asian. All of my friend's parents work at some sort of tech company. One of my friend's parents work at Apple. Another at Microsoft. Another at Google. To say that the academic pressure is pretty damn intense would be an understatement. It's the type of school where kids sometimes flat out kill themselves due to the stress, the kind you hear about in the news. In my school there's this unspoken rule that you have to major in CompSci if you ""want to amount to anything""

The Asian parent stereotype is true. Every single part of it. I don't want to say anything more.

Im pulling a 4.0 right now but I literally cannot afford to get a single B. I would kill myself if that happened, and it probably will.

Sometimes I'm just sitting in Spanish class and I start to think about how much easier it would be just to hang myself instead of doing Algebra II homework. I just want the stress to end. I just want to not have to get up every morning at 5:30, and trudge through the California cold (it's legit cold in the morning, shut up) to go to school literally before the sun even rises. Slowly but surely my life is going out of control.

I haven't done SAT prep in a few months now, and I need to raise my sat by about a hundred points if I want any hope of getting into a decent UC, I have a science Olympiad meeting tomorrow morning for like 4 hours and it's 2:30 am so I guess I'm not getting any sleep. I have to register the club that I run at a fundraising event, and fill out the paperwork for that. My coding projects are all behind schedule, and I'm so fucking depressed that my most recent project was a Python script called ""areyoustillalive.py"".and still need to learn Java to try to prepare for AP CompSci next year.

Kill me now kill me.please

I would probably be dead already if it wasn't for the fact that one of my classmates killed himself at my school back in October. He sat in front of me in class. that was a hard week.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I need to sleep now.",3.1739024390243884,5.1680293460721884,3.9972502718657767,86.86532390865312,75.07218683651804,6.888115581792762,27.19905753197659,7.765008861874849,1.6170136295375692,1886,74,371,27,41,603,233,471,0.123,0.802,0.075,-0.9866,4,0,0,0,0,5,53.0,0,3,1,3,23,22,7,4,30,0,28,4,2,4,5,57,63,20,8,18,15,3,2,2,3,5,1,4,1,1,17,11,0,1,3,1,0,8,6,12,0,2,8,8,38,10,71,47,14,63,0,1,0,1,20,34,2,13,22,233,55,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337865452878337,0.0,0.06286919488095559,0.0,0.0,0.10276224120156552,0.1584554944621712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435338873394633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058098408669676485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429315371578323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715179888111645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474322030925642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650768416234908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732069717494203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692077546551285,0.0,0.0,0.04990446216617867,0.0,0.12731949167652332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038203718153490614,0.05397769389652767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512466717445654,0.0698509158251613,0.15790094807532504,0.0,0.08588118358875903,0.0,0.060429564236889874,0.0,0.08323418070418295,0.0,0.06681450601687883,0.0,0.06768392764252831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515784852371716,0.0,0.0,0.07982976096302044,0.0,0.07504481295721578,0.07440809160443007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161415974208719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179612551322258,0.0786806357233647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053367904319375416,0.07382633634829343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043465809388761,0.07660259542426515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603086061600513,0.0,0.05554283968228516,0.16807292083376346,0.0,0.07297309426211245,0.08035536641486819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239829817444396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516901923824196,0.0818205011947919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293852481694597,0.07142546695585825,0.0,0.0,0.07686828760498368,0.16292572012038495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460308776442752,0.0,0.0,0.06452497587601633,0.0,0.12017137930242172,0.0,0.3823368748315025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122245474154586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494549399173305,0.0,0.0534793937233202,0.0,0.060339647277666685,0.0,0.1730998003734429,0.0,0.0,0.08264672406911336,0.0,0.07121125905518907,0.0,0.0,0.06072958228020683,0.0,0.0695624223247571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841365768706015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051298013321711904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282638206490887,0.0,0.0606069961501114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001229853626934,0.0,0.0,0.2146931373122504,0.0,0.0,0.04865601262489114
suicidewatch,aloneindankness,2019/02/11,"There is really no other option for me Honestly, the more I try to fight it, the more it seems to be true. There is only one solution. I have to kill myself before I starve to death. I am too disabled to work. I cannot move. Disability isn't enough to live off of. My quality of life is getting steadily worse. My pain is getting worse. I am losing more and more time. My insurance refuses to help me with my issues, and I only have insurance without a job for one more year.  Every method of freelancing I have tried has either been a scam or pays so little that it's just starvation with extra steps. I am not skilled enough in anything to make real money, and I am too pained to learn anything new. I can't retain new information anymore. There is nothing else left for me to do.

Steps I need to take

Find a new home for my cat. It will be so hard to lose her, but she is better off without me.

Pay back the deposits and last month’s rent to my housemates. If I can, I also want to pay forward a couple months rent to help them get by while they find someone else.

Get rid of all my shit. I can either sell it for more money to play with before I die, donate it (but not all of it), or toss it. I would probably do it in that order. I might leave the furniture behind for the next tenant, so they can have a furnished room if necessary

Clean my room. I don’t mean just tidy it. Deep clean. Make it completely ready for whoever moves in

Figure out what to do with ally my writing. I have some stuff published on amazon and a couple of books. They aren't making money right now, but if they do, someone should get that.

Hide all contraband. This includes all the stuff I have for pain, vape supplies, sex toys, and anything else I don't want people to ever find.

Write a will and get it notarized.

Write a suicide note. The goal of this is NOT to make people feel guilty, but just to explain why. Alternately, we find a way to die that does not look like suicide.

I don't want to do, but there honestly doesn't seem to be another option. Every single thing I try leads to a dead end. I have to get all my affairs in order, but once that is done, I am planning to ""move"" far away (ie take a plan with a single bag of shit to the middle of nowhere) and then disappear.",2.3030282935455344,3.913840465517243,3.7237068965517253,89.55608532272328,76.45689655172413,6.6555260831122895,22.45778072502211,7.419758726546812,0.7515573165340408,1752,49,376,22,39,577,217,464,0.16699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.085,-0.9921,4,0,1,0,1,3,61.0,1,0,5,9,16,15,4,0,20,0,47,7,2,5,7,78,70,25,7,9,22,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,8,0,24,15,0,3,12,3,11,8,15,9,0,2,2,3,49,6,62,60,19,43,0,2,1,1,18,18,2,11,17,265,73,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930292901988157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775955969580536,0.0,0.0,0.07354332497912787,0.0,0.0,0.18307345139631254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967247607752906,0.057021773748079624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620344510900042,0.0,0.0,0.0655854010404259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775168298463793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410552118446356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539254855658053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489485590415213,0.07588784962116371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858447292425246,0.0,0.06568065124358871,0.1532469827010434,0.0,0.0,0.06707880291377663,0.12496010500694572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749575629978909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711108027932287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27120598650408845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664296612727712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941108222596083,0.0,0.07438501931572923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740012314116265,0.07358888714155729,0.0,0.08204318387141077,0.0,0.0,0.060447447851399314,0.0,0.0785210298036014,0.08057125798139746,0.0,0.052378931457668296,0.036229121797781726,0.07432429807303356,0.065481551159702,0.0,0.06227278610842703,0.16592431773135635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800016756000602,0.0,0.0,0.08077817198495851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866833130926136,0.0,0.0,0.11838202712479337,0.2364498820687462,0.0,0.05498610767724218,0.0,0.21486243940188632,0.07886628271015197,0.0,0.0,0.07115516507574059,0.0,0.0,0.07897425597168728,0.10050073185118193,0.11279872499306184,0.2367232442908021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282156464040627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995325313700426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440633585497409,0.047506554998206406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633292487651708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350185912414365,0.0,0.0,0.15224117027517636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566512945866576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978290933285428,0.1622303573814973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151292341284837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926628578572091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432412535146302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104219425290427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312182811971583,0.05886198074039725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669147100606627,0.0,0.0,0.14296844609665416,0.0,0.05398681771395472,0.0,0.15114362477321075,0.052678652399450916,0.0,0.0,0.04775435690768461
suicidewatch,loveybun,2019/02/11,"Lost count of how many times I've attempted... I would say my first suicide attempt was when I was 10/11 when I attempted to hang myself after being relentlessly bullied by my family but I don't know if that would count as I was young and didn't really understand suicide. Over the past few years I've overdosed several times and even drank chemicals but none of these attempts were lethal, I just became sick but not sick enough to be hospitalized. I even tried using a razor but that's quite painful as well as unsuccessful hangings. Most recently I planned to go to a bridge over a river but I'm terrified of drowning - it's something that makes up a lot of my nightmares. So now I just feel like I have no options. I can't afford treatment/medicine and everyday I'm unbearably lonely and miserable. I can't find a job and I've had no luck in making friends since starting college and I'm not close to my family. All my suicide attempts have failed and it might seem like a sign to keep going but I just don't have the energy. I just wish I could fall asleep one night and pass away peacefully.",3.676533538146444,5.562412539170508,4.500606758832569,84.26773553507427,73.3778801843318,8.140194572452637,27.723758320532518,8.841846274778883,2.1860345110087045,879,34,172,18,18,283,129,217,0.249,0.6459999999999999,0.105,-0.9894,2,2,1,0,0,4,16.0,0,0,0,10,12,10,0,1,8,0,19,5,1,4,1,43,36,22,5,5,13,0,1,2,1,3,3,1,0,0,6,9,1,1,5,0,0,6,10,5,1,2,8,2,21,5,20,22,6,26,0,4,0,0,2,6,0,7,16,113,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236627608090573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248536233846836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557206491556265,0.0,0.1861066819514304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656280421968285,0.0,0.07123578649217806,0.10064840972558227,0.0,0.0,0.1287665136628412,0.11983687283283448,0.0,0.0,0.1088475503024086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013660328151622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398068146885851,0.12522523244400385,0.0,0.0,0.07742681737298387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765877741212065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379283025159865,0.11977555262487535,0.0,0.0,0.18808392007016808,0.14283547246542194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494569254194238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221120940670586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546745262608164,0.0,0.1499117780441564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449085780440792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498487442043652,0.0,0.0,0.09025466193490757,0.0,0.13910713115127546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203755985300216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825658804225445,0.0,0.1591601662337235,0.0,0.11654168716522867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846030427178377,0.0,0.0,0.09971926443650317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623166022541231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430257751806793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565179781132097,0.0,0.0,0.1466664540534724,0.0,0.12167957195597524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667270775612596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620110185646753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016159722288665,0.0,0.0,0.09072544491564832
suicidewatch,letitallgo2122277,2019/02/11,"I lost the last thing keeping me here It’s probably the most common post you see but I just thought this would be my last port of call. I’m on the other side of the world to where I live, stuck with no money to get back early from my girlfriend of 4 years who I found out has been cheating on me over and over. We’re long distance due to education. I don’t really have much else going on other than a job I hate. Presumed we were destined to get married and that would be enough. Turns out I’m just a joke to everyone. ",0.8430221130221156,2.773605243243246,2.4841932841932852,95.22515970515973,82.15315315315316,5.477805077805079,20.000819000819,6.574015621080383,0.02562342342342383,406,11,94,4,11,133,79,111,0.153,0.8220000000000001,0.025,-0.9337,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,1,5,4,2,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,16,22,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,6,1,12,1,18,12,3,20,0,1,1,0,5,10,0,1,8,64,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880649907361155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088713715383264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252679039576246,0.0,0.0,0.2133975779486044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197345379416302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264461730536799,0.0,0.0,0.21580364538740235,0.0,0.11737404185690985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390263482789628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049461595022269,0.1835706687069503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366941061365604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823671066341053,0.18276987781837287,0.0,0.0,0.22544859482887936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518210932196207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779575701565894,0.0,0.22267101469570666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323064714830485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457526351063465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720734824131736,0.0,0.0,0.1639593524228847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246420479635871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934216813539318,0.0,0.0,0.13299660353474246
suicidewatch,DahliasRapture,2019/02/11,"I'm so, so tired. Hi Reddit, 
I'm not the kind to usually share my feelings and so on - so, I hope you're doing good.

I hate to be selfish, but I need to vent. I don't think I can do this any longer. I tried to just figure out the legal side of things, and just got made to feel like crap. God, I sound so whiny. I'm sorry.

I've had crippling anxiety and depression for my entire life. I'm 31 now, and my earliest memory is of a panic attack. I've spent my life being told that - no, my uncle didn't abuse me as a child - I tricked him into admitting it, because he's schizophrenic. No, I wasn't raped at 17 - I lied about that to make my mother miscarry (which, thankfully, she didn't - I have 2 gorgeous little sisters). My depression and anxiety is just me being lazy, and weak. I drink because I'm a failure. 

I have no friends, because unless it's online, well...My lifelong friends - and even family members - left when I was raped at 17. My Best friend because it was the guy she liked. My cousin, who was my world, because (I guess) I called him prior to it happening trying to plead with him to intervene. I apparently didn't make it clear what was going on, he never understood, and stayed at the strip club. I'm not mad and I do not blame him. I did all I could to try to tell him I wasn't safe; it's not his fault he didn't understand.

But, I've spent my whole life being subpar. I've never been enough. My mother told me my uncle didn't do anything to me; I MADE him admit to it, somehow. However, I'd rather nobody knew - but he told the whole, large, family.

I never told my mom about my rape at 17, after what had happened when I was younger. I, in fact, actively avoided her knowing it. Unfortunately for me, I rented my home from her. When she came to check on the apartment, the  neighbour informed her of the police presence etc. Upon admitting it to her, she told me to stay the night at her house. I reluctantly accepted. I was awoken at around 3am by my stepfather - telling me I was lying to make my mother miscarry.

There have been so many things in my life, I won't list them all and nor do I have the energy to, but I can't do it anymore. I spent my life trying to be there for everyone, no matter how I felt.

Yes, I am weak. Yes, I am giving up. No, I am not sorry. If you loved me, you wouldn't have said I lied when I told you he abused me. You wouldn't have made me the bad guy when I asked why my uncle's ""thingy was sick with white"" when I was 5 or 6. You wouldn't AGAIN tell me this as an adult who tried to come to you. Maybe if I felt more like you cared, and you hadn't told me you wished you aborted me and that you loved my step sibling more, I could muster more energy. Maybe if you didn't accuse me of making my abuser ""ill"" and ""falsely admit"" and then have my only father figure accuse me of trying to kill my little sister...well, maybe I could turn to you and tell you I want to die. But I can't. And I won't. Because you'd likely only make me feel worse. I can't do it. I can't apologise anymore. 

I am sorry. I don't know what more I can say, or do. I always loved you to the moon and back, but I could never be enough. Maybe without me you can find the happiness you desired. I know my younger sisters will fill any hole I could possibly leave. 

Please find a way to explain to Lily that she was my entire universe. She won't understand now, but maybe in time she will. I'll forever watch over her. I don't care how damn dead I am. 

I don't give too much of a toss how this makes you feel, because you won't care. But - someone needs to know why I did what I did. 

I did what I did because you never listened. Because I was never believed. Because no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't enough Because no matter what the hell I do - you'll never love me without terms and conditions. I spent my whole existence trying to be enough. You spent it telling me I was the reason you were miserable. 

You get your wish. You won't have to worry anymore. I feel you only do through obligation. But, I've spoken enough.

Lily - you are, were and will always be my saviour, my world, my universe and the whole reason I ever felt joy and wanted to do better. Everything I own is yours. Take what you want - I want the adults to sell the rest and put into a bank account for you. When you turn 18 - use it for anything you want! Just use it for something that makes you happy.

Mom - I'm sorry I'm not my younger sisters. You probably should have aborted me, like you told me. I just wish you'd cared enough to listen. I'd say sorry but I feel it's more apt to tell you that you are welcome. I'll never be enough. I'm tired, and I can't do this any more. ",0.9987712619914928,2.801932356052905,2.877120729826405,93.26118782747572,80.98372329603254,5.855627385991973,20.234185453789692,6.8756666002785245,0.2219910062459669,3578,95,815,40,93,1195,337,983,0.174,0.6679999999999999,0.158,-0.9735,3,1,2,0,3,1,160.0,0,40,1,2,36,51,11,3,25,2,105,21,1,18,13,149,200,60,3,25,30,10,10,5,4,13,12,6,2,5,38,31,1,2,31,2,10,6,51,21,0,0,57,18,189,30,78,114,25,62,1,3,2,7,123,26,3,8,32,550,227,1,0.0,0.1416027876808496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662959910628994,0.0,0.0,0.08127260859474858,0.0,0.06095116467188887,0.0,0.11852430110754696,0.0,0.0,0.06556574458888356,0.03546382555086516,0.03724268956943619,0.04532091314228106,0.0,0.030632582373822544,0.033262652716958364,0.26713030663306875,0.0,0.0,0.044883226214048326,0.04180700378870686,0.03523303587094559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067854677313917,0.04556349296380933,0.16246796578395326,0.0,0.0,0.03431648316115568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903503094216828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862396947888334,0.0,0.04134504072827057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039025588668744816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28813954379148865,0.04442934871820363,0.026312296380066942,0.036035304072996696,0.0,0.03806644328996262,0.03580338081675385,0.0,0.07511050865937123,0.0,0.12085823726878513,0.028459921579528,0.11475075665709765,0.0,0.07282151582733276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233507277988012,0.0,0.020813452164941217,0.07643152978545878,0.022640572185044384,0.033413809172283995,0.03186169202714993,0.0,0.04388550315095425,0.07889078651922511,0.07045634833012371,0.08481552983770116,0.03568657965628129,0.039331288669173126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039960265733476864,0.039567631322058,0.0,0.04596713216110467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407429693883029,0.041484631166475536,0.08757460377548193,0.0,0.0,0.0421821657839467,0.04328356581788698,0.0,0.14069203981784809,0.09731296352730294,0.07985529152976996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381961473079038,0.11308563157393245,0.18614290782701973,0.04038897739392197,0.2001106418203505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331440891277552,0.0,0.0,0.02928514998607265,0.05907801045546127,0.2458011184935184,0.0,0.0,0.03738479983845204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089465324976384,0.0,0.04674072872574895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0437296175849384,0.0,0.044910801267526085,0.0,0.0,0.042951568353428365,0.0,0.0,0.04004769578471935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191918027124108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03789459001525542,0.06336076597875265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033754188765386266,0.03066885768471444,0.0,0.22297412688770973,0.0,0.08492295970468483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029952845971446863,0.0,0.2089184120242159,0.03667702232777212,0.0,0.0,0.052932536411468736,0.02552626467875984,0.0,0.0,0.023229569569095745,0.09157470348076546,0.0,0.304531546319701,0.0,0.21637640750197654,0.08666353176993162,0.0,0.08294449543892428,0.0,0.06881362726225737,0.04387538363059736,0.0,0.1174859632123928,0.031621157238681995,0.0,0.0,0.035818701346947236,0.0,0.07189430399024492,0.17790860691038402,0.13743349435748195,0.07680386655914327,0.0,0.0,0.040456920153701635,0.04059782107619399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tmotwd0227,2019/02/11,"life? I'm the true meaning of the walking dead, i'm 17 yrs old male and i'm so tired of everything. i'm getting angrier everyday because of my problems like OCD,anxiety,deppresion,stress but sometimes i can control them. one of the painful problem for me is my skin condition, it's super oily and gets strange smell  very soon after face washing. I talked to my mom about it and she told me that it's because of my age and everything is fine, but i think that something is wrong. I'm tying to maintain good hygiene, but my skin kills me, because of this i always keep distance from everyone, cause i think that my face smells bad. ''MY FACE SMELLS LIKE I DID NOT WASH IT FOR 1 MONTH'' just in several hours. im so depresed i want to end it all",2.562659195109525,4.353623105960272,3.7876821192053,88.59505348955679,76.21854304635762,7.295160468670403,29.49617931737137,8.139509932561175,2.025701579215487,583,27,122,10,13,190,93,151,0.191,0.682,0.126,-0.9001,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,5,12,1,0,3,0,5,10,5,2,2,20,18,9,2,3,5,1,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,9,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,2,5,19,6,15,16,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,10,65,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184185638720547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229789048348298,0.2897662297315245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627702701514048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771348118833236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033835306704762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514043449367951,0.2848066144657433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655656173024795,0.0,0.0,0.1328990956953074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560398689045243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115158462349234,0.0,0.0,0.14083631918513176,0.17529980423290412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191687105718937,0.15481988043358388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259688211819266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855729841501681,0.12647209189368205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662650611473828,0.0,0.10736881351648134,0.0,0.16860038995478335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303227657212366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900171982730972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198140688752915,0.1567096314995756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815022370232596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735491333399285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305481932902056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821132577014678,0.0,0.1514043449367951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130736617816759,0.09345703859930124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323857599168624,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yougoglenncoc00,2019/02/11,"This could be my first and last post. I‘m feeling very suicidal now.
I skipped school again today because I wanted to study on a test for tomorrow & just an hour ago I was told by my teacher I could not take my exams because I failed my attendance requirements. I could be expelled. I know I’m asking for it, since I skipped school and such. 
I dont know. I suddenly feel lost, no aims in life. Very tired. My future is at bleak. No motivation to take this diploma course even. I wish I could die in my sleep tonight. 
I am scared of a pain, so I’ve been wondering if there is a painless death to die. Not the first time I’ve thought of dying.

I see no point in living. Maybe my time is near",0.4301480872069128,2.720988839160839,1.8835952283011108,96.54041546688609,87.18181818181819,5.3227478403949,20.99917729329494,6.794906146795322,0.3214470588235292,536,18,122,7,17,172,92,143,0.26,0.682,0.057,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,6,7,4,0,1,5,0,13,4,1,1,0,20,29,4,5,7,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,5,3,21,0,14,18,0,23,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,2,14,73,24,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370635530502672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898384012638282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991802416250635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638817094383328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096625008277371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993816491536182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033510691263094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472316660140894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971745761464445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182180507555937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632315564293253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409910719792457,0.10455968926037408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060307741143858,0.0,0.0,0.11326748911512947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400252311511188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886756063225285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364916123759938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125953219040532,0.0,0.12285016288458295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842374116135272,0.25963843182074986,0.1022170456743115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610882612249016,0.0,0.12836572794110793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030994160505414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289080077006765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183450573213007,0.14959414140473515,0.14743104796723513,0.12158789135654954,0.12257043513776285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167746726065328,0.07565879230602701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750772377642132,0.0,0.1391066950452576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bagles-And-Chi,2019/02/11,🌻 It’s over,-8.8325,-9.967959249999998,-2.2299999999999978,118.175,141.5,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-3.4762,9,0,4,0,1,4,4,4,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BojoAlonzo,2019/02/11,"I was supposed to kill myself today It’s been 6 months since everything went to shit. I felt like I had everything before but now it feels like I’ve got nothing. I’m an art student in college and I was pretty lucky. Had lots of friends, had a girlfriend, was doing pretty ok in classes. 

Things changed when she cheated on me but somehow turned everything around and pinned the blame on me. Ever since then I’ve lost all my friends, I’ve been tagged as the guy who cheated in his girlfriend, I’ve been failing my classes and I lost my thesis partner cause he didn’t want to be associated with me. Things have been getting worse and worse

I called the prevention hotline last night and no one picked up and an automated message told me operating hours are over. Found this subreddit and was hoping to feel accepted as no one wants to listen to me in my family or even in school. ",4.3539892665474085,5.892574255813955,4.8002325581395375,84.2127459749553,70.97674418604652,7.617889087656528,29.509838998211087,8.139509932561175,1.9879985688729875,700,28,136,10,13,222,108,172,0.191,0.637,0.172,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,15,4,0,6,1,16,1,1,2,2,28,32,14,1,3,3,0,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,6,9,0,1,5,1,0,1,3,7,0,2,19,4,18,8,20,12,2,20,0,3,0,0,14,10,1,5,11,88,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815176771434775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293764928530048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552520447642227,0.0,0.0,0.13634326448791734,0.14040352427045694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766240758402617,0.12005571339848665,0.0,0.0,0.35784910408907383,0.0,0.1251196005250488,0.0,0.13421765375787428,0.0948174651606618,0.12743506502749807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552411455809613,0.2050831967789902,0.0,0.06934238276123685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061508502510121,0.0,0.0,0.1314168133137894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182406331955066,0.1307055956651055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468385323129029,0.0,0.0,0.1081871047139261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968368170863845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897660552034353,0.11283650004081006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593837473735776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455171200368186,0.0,0.12735146922845048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987332115889038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700543745317037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432294228229105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623843533329488,0.21957996937422325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635076446135226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580605419914614,0.12682268467783314,0.0,0.0,0.14436470566746518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565671387059753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303571606350658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705125152740948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LemonLimeCrazy11,2019/02/11,"Whenever I talk to someone about the things that push me over the edge, they act as if it's easy to fix ""I have friends""

""I have a girlfriend""

""I have a loving family""

yeah, it's not that fucking easy for me. Just makes me want to die more when people are implying these things are easily attainable. Maybe for you, but not me.",3.153636363636366,4.40807557575758,4.039818181818184,89.6097272727273,73.54545454545455,8.31030303030303,23.806060606060605,8.841846274778883,1.3990096969696977,252,7,56,5,5,81,46,66,0.036000000000000004,0.7759999999999999,0.188,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,1,4,3,1,0,4,1,5,2,0,1,0,7,9,4,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,8,9,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341837099577179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035516231023667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487753197422553,0.29768251724440925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906163083216026,0.0,0.2149365659761543,0.0,0.3234908734281082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232332859557448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27282836900235263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588102777295503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278431242023482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899231170785967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,naturalselector99,2019/02/11,"Im at the tip of the barrel After i moved, Ive had a hard time making friends, a reaallly hard time considering i have completely and entirely no one who considers me a friend. I don’t have any acquaintances, no social life, no lovers and it’s been this way since the end of middle school. Im a fucked up dude, I’m full of rage and hate. I become disgusted and sad when i masturbate and I despise women. I’ve been deep into the whole NBK school shooter community ever since 9th grade when i watched a columbine documentary. Ive worn my duster and combat boots to school and i’d call it my nail in the coffin when it comes to social life. My parents are naive, or they don’t care. For fucks sake i come home from school in a trenchcoat with dark circles around my eyes and the only thing my dad can think to say is how much of a disappointment i am. Well he’s not wrong but it would be nice to feel like a human sometimes. I’ll probably end up blasting my head off in the near future because i see no light at the end of the tunnel, this is just my way of venting. But who gives a fuck, I’m disgusting I’m a looser with nothing to live for, I’m that one fucking weird kid that everyone doesn’t want to be associated with, and I’m just a side effect of nature, a background character in people’s lives.   I tell myself I’m getting better but i know nothing has changed, I’m loosing the grip that I’ve stuck for so long now. ",4.147405635300373,4.479582531986537,5.286113769271665,85.0053110047847,70.48148148148148,8.407513733829521,27.416090731880203,8.371475516178862,1.623010774410774,1120,35,244,16,19,372,171,297,0.165,0.753,0.08199999999999999,-0.9603,1,0,0,1,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,11,21,9,0,22,0,19,9,2,3,1,32,44,18,1,2,7,2,4,1,3,1,2,1,1,3,12,16,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,13,1,2,5,9,24,8,33,36,3,34,0,2,3,5,18,16,4,1,14,141,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757385148187496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845885429995154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605739933747004,0.10974448037538727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788318626772935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146614433848347,0.0,0.10131260439654984,0.0,0.10511848563000252,0.17119398355293092,0.10418577198539312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640324591688397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988431628944499,0.0,0.09495066898167798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024359816161845,0.0709887333722827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354340416726564,0.3674575685895408,0.051915835472877536,0.09532312789432508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802895774743,0.09810562396393367,0.1019805435517353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967450689252394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146696313643965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054610218972571865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037353791468096,0.048546332091621666,0.0,0.1754880588172605,0.08793781855893046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632911185521292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561277712815888,0.07304713396062347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069312764918125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466906349900068,0.07557406985448889,0.0,0.0,0.11033673770072824,0.0,0.0,0.06888946758183549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713583399176288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902166050880366,0.0,0.402264098467554,0.07918366984010493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643969692017017,0.0,0.0,0.20258693620284365,0.0,0.0,0.09827778953747053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685227403212528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601588313467728,0.06367119432171157,0.0,0.0,0.11588490965341434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058609997881861275,0.15774786264727664,0.0,0.0,0.08934403535000998,0.0,0.0,0.11094115829960907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058838930176417,0.10864363694919504,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClownShoes999,2019/02/11,"Am I At Risk? First time here, read others posts. I don't think I'm in as deep as a lot of the people looking for support but I also don't know where I'm at or where this is heading. I don't have much point of reference... That's a long way of saying I don't mean to be overdramatic and I'm sorry if this is out of place.

Over the past 6 to 9 months I started to consider suicide as a real solution. I don't think I have the courage to go through with it but I've never had this level of acceptance before. I've also been sad for a very long time and I'm only not sad when I'm keeping myself busy and distracted. I can manage this pretty well it's just that it always comes back and sometimes I really feel like suicide is genuine solution. Again, I can't envision myself going through with it but because I know so little about the topic I wanted to reach out and see if anyone can give me some insight as to what this might indicate. I'm mostly concerned because of my relatively recent acceptance of this notion as a real way of dealing with things. I have a family, a wife and kids, and I think that if it were not for them I may already be closer to this. 

I don't consider myself in as much danger as many of the posters, and if this is inappropriate I meant no disrespect. I lack understanding and have no point of reference as I've never dealt with this among friends or family. I hope someone can give me some perspective here. Thank you to everyone in advance.",3.415260804769005,4.427743540983607,5.214850968703432,82.36734351713865,72.60655737704917,8.299552906110284,26.97839046199702,8.710501217029153,1.9246065573770483,1160,40,238,21,22,398,150,305,0.136,0.727,0.13699999999999998,-0.2162,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,1,1,2,13,14,1,2,12,0,26,1,1,0,2,56,54,30,2,7,12,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,20,16,0,1,14,1,0,4,13,5,1,1,4,4,28,9,45,46,7,39,0,2,2,0,9,18,0,13,15,175,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480252159673233,0.1808831580582989,0.09410362995472676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790782587205496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869626398232416,0.0,0.13788263607751575,0.0,0.096235034619875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742084192334194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659539680805445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806657946036503,0.0,0.0,0.21323073685969124,0.0,0.05718394458236956,0.08079468715746256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619806887019816,0.0,0.0,0.0873764801502272,0.0,0.0,0.21698097518386908,0.12854834765760076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160675183370368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232829244782876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052353044741848,0.0,0.0,0.12430748790376933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525222845455502,0.11335033511927788,0.0,0.20017003268725955,0.09497084206924168,0.0,0.0,0.09614884457512984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466000649485532,0.0,0.12319299478375816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997532366086967,0.0,0.0,0.09027089925228196,0.0,0.16627484547856933,0.0,0.17445080106899902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601341425671516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079614353716313,0.07840544150195733,0.0,0.11815961393836072,0.0,0.21382159337286827,0.0,0.10831320680361486,0.1150576988576022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131250402348761,0.2574524537305498,0.07245119118538773,0.0,0.11166711101926843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993723420855995,0.0,0.0,0.09012162252790676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582454800279704,0.0,0.11185328830373452,0.12659996111204774,0.0800488233811778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474139124414389,0.12833822491984662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412216128421124,0.0,0.0,0.07513491749906888,0.2173990427123157,0.0,0.0,0.13189254937987288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773529561026658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331475330891006,0.06670602810069907,0.1795381972165375,0.0,0.0,0.1016854794074658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gldmdlrbbn,2019/02/11,"my boyfriend broke up with me on my birthday i feel so alone. my mental illness ruined another relationship. i was two weeks away from finally getting on medication & getting therapy. i moved out of our apartment and i am now living with my parents. 

life just seems like a joke. love seems like a joke. i never want to trust someone with my heart again. i don’t know how to handle pain like this. 

i wanted my birthday to be a happy day. we were supposed to get drunk and play mario kart. then i found him packing up my things. he told me to leave. 

i am so heartbroken and i am so scared to be alone. i feel like my life will never get better. why keep living if i feel so much pain. ",0.6849978840456998,3.0847857266187084,2.285154464663563,93.2423571730851,87.41726618705036,4.997206940330089,20.406686415573425,6.522977012572876,0.25527134997884016,532,17,113,6,17,173,86,139,0.237,0.612,0.151,-0.9185,1,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,1,8,16,0,1,3,0,9,9,1,1,2,23,25,10,0,3,2,1,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,7,4,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,3,25,11,17,18,1,16,0,2,0,1,8,7,0,3,12,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738351134057099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432367890341333,0.0,0.0,0.13862143079226213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242046425994324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691864211775604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525695880303982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005302784859438,0.09444248284605547,0.0,0.14481676191210116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494859854724765,0.0,0.0,0.2762725952791972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072753502487068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665560693467415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750391187730932,0.0,0.0,0.0726527214042417,0.0,0.0,0.13997889830186686,0.0,0.0,0.18675111974492012,0.2583416222829537,0.0,0.2334670193032036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931411563436435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317586646764518,0.13322478020748188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050585802034984,0.0971809520794083,0.0,0.20391893782978548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813365966726904,0.0,0.14679055340997796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193148670894348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323535477432168,0.0,0.0,0.24069671143538066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201117981121224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118026269766788,0.0,0.08782666789978646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632112872751852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129138517508424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594794995247116,0.0,0.10604149197685632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928839214040472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SocialDistortionYup,2019/02/11,"My own worst enemy I can look back at the last 2 years and all my mental breakdowns, failed relationship with the love of my life, family growing tired of my mental state, is all my own doing. 

When I'm stable, I'm inevitably do something to mess it up which sends me into months long depressive episodes. I'm done living like this. ",5.752384615384617,6.169222046153848,5.996730769230767,81.01201923076924,67.0,8.961538461538463,27.01923076923077,8.841846274778883,1.8638461538461537,263,7,51,4,4,84,51,65,0.238,0.629,0.133,-0.8519,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,2,5,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,2,7,9,5,12,0,2,1,1,3,3,0,0,7,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263091306182814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576858485722825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563642763448023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361636653258029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204203522733532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769464667386528,0.12238919192810815,0.0,0.22120972673220315,0.22169828470327527,0.21036987905649315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22609996901099816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049212914374239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999590373662048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689598340980737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285902788980555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879306505993535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132373248241
suicidewatch,Suicidez6696,2019/02/11,"Help.. please.. minor.. [MIDDLE EAST] I dont know where else to post this or seek help..

Okay, as disturbing as this story might sound, Ive already given up on life, ready to face any consequences even if it is not my fault. Here is the story.. I was 18 years old, turned 19 recently.. i met a girl which turned out to be a distant relative aka no dna connections.. anyway she had an abusive boyfriend, I wanted to free her from that so i went up to him and cleared it out and eventually confronted her to stop dating him (he used to tell her that he is sleeping with other girls and used to hit her, so on..) she was 13 at the time, after clearing this out i just wanted to go along with my life as obviously im not gonna date a 13 y/o when i was 17 y/o but she clinged to me, she kept pming me day by day, i tried ignoring, but considered it a friendship, she probably sees me as the person who saved her life, she then eventually confessed after 6month, i told her no, but i felt bad and i liked her so i said to myself whats the harm of going out and having a few bites or watching a movie, age isnt a restriction and we are a bit more than 4 years apart ill just wait for her to growup.. so i ended up agreeing, fastforward a year later she wanted to have some privacy with me and watch a movie together as we hold hands in a room... you all probably know where this is going now, but no. This is different.

I work 6 days a week and i study 6 days a week with no time for myself, I stayed awake for 2 days to arrange our meeting as i finished my shift at midnight and had to leave at 5am to meet her since she moved cities. Ive had snacks, food, card games, pure intentions. However I also had spare pants and boxers to take a shower as i have OCD and can not rest unless i take a shower, anyway.. a few hours later I passed out, i wokeup to her wearing my previous boxers and thrusting sexually into me while im asleep as im fully naked, I proceesed to continue thinking its a dream, I was not sure who it even was, by the time I realized it it was already too late, she said she used a condom and theres nothing to worry about.. i immediately pushed her, dressed up and left... and now she is 5days late to her period and is stressing me out.

I regret everything.. Please avoid criticizing. I understand it is my fault to begin with. And i blame myself for all of it.

I live in the middle east, this can cause execution or 20+years of prison i guess.. i can travel to another country along with her where rules are different? I dont know really.. but i need serious help..",2.0504519774011314,3.638813856873828,3.8342222222222233,88.59020338983049,77.09792843691149,7.281205273069682,22.72278719397364,8.094773233980128,1.0624986064030133,1982,58,437,34,45,667,262,531,0.115,0.815,0.07,-0.974,5,1,0,0,0,0,82.0,3,1,0,1,22,16,1,3,25,1,33,12,5,5,7,86,66,43,0,6,16,0,2,1,0,2,4,3,3,3,22,34,2,7,8,3,1,8,11,11,0,0,18,8,80,6,72,44,8,74,1,1,3,1,49,28,0,7,37,293,102,1,0.0,0.10165556208304552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935851924292046,0.06861192892515929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058344986309699975,0.08996576511948705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163701464557047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366823795658773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813728007367899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766602352406327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792794668202358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110718027839328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167248770927026,0.0,0.07599078577337161,0.0,0.0,0.11333638222885616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771089226633777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237869365766465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037462226912688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628144799562742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451520474644272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725240107223226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449288445307354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780268497739149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145556639667278,0.0,0.1935657854684083,0.090846766003899,0.09321882607479604,0.0,0.18180313763985329,0.04191614092074576,0.0,0.07576043221359974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101718997121304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118876459668168,0.0,0.06361748018478616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232465427125776,0.0,0.0900296488245877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491473917460176,0.0,0.1883589551341044,0.0,0.0,0.08216992810873518,0.0,0.1850076214526363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496383448317267,0.0,0.08471430913498912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322542420236516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683691994974109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097226743100622,0.0,0.0858590854816847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144831832681932,0.0,0.07173023725854626,0.09828031546324884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086277383775488,0.0,0.12901751906510406,0.0,0.07499046788430971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497533261100174,0.0,0.0,0.1500869785935504,0.0,0.0,0.081982828569699,0.0,0.0582506152060158,0.1866452669144532,0.0,0.0893178316998497,0.0,0.22230350353962708,0.0,0.0,0.1518160996763355,0.0,0.1376425550592767,0.0,0.0,0.07953479335032289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246132798337097,0.08713114393572702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100213909625124
suicidewatch,beachbreak30,2019/02/11,"Whats the use? Therapy can't fix poverty caused by disability I live on less than 100 dollars a fortnight after rent. Rent is as low as it can go without sharing with someone, or moving city and I can't live with strangers BC of trauma issues, and BC I don't drive, moving to another city would make things more expensive after you factor in PT and ubers. I have had migraines 7 out of the past 8 days.",5.0356097560975615,5.197442560975613,5.915756097560978,81.8597317073171,68.51219512195122,8.511219512195122,31.03414634146341,8.238735603445708,2.156836097560975,318,12,64,4,5,105,64,82,0.094,0.871,0.035,-0.5469,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,3,0,12,11,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,15,9,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497750134702474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446985282501164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536202440831414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537538638550756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24862045098778485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206725291899909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900133280358436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063409370268966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739025891017625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182733496735453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724041436878125,0.0,0.15825047420402638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572959250053796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296177196045675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921149199070265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acekets,2019/02/11,"My Autistic, Bi-Polar friend is about to kill himself My friend is autistic and is bi-polar and suffers from severe depression

Him, another friend and I just talked to him outside of the school and convinced him to call kids help line, who didn’t pick up in 5 mins, so we called lifeline and someone picked up in 10 seconds. 

They talked for 20 mins and my friend says he might wait one more day before he does it. I am currently on the way home from school after talking to him. (We are all 16)

Does anyone have any advice for him or me? 

He is my best friend.",3.0625565388397256,4.581579778761069,3.5084365781710933,92.27164208456249,74.22123893805309,6.084169124877089,24.059980334316613,6.42735559955562,0.5388906588003937,437,13,93,3,9,136,75,113,0.105,0.705,0.19,0.8885,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,1,1,3,10,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,1,15,10,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,16,7,16,8,3,11,0,2,0,0,26,5,0,2,5,59,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474484234240445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072924897819473,0.1553206972426351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035715902001266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260424259437388,0.0,0.1554467673603289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30250187881239754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955275833642163,0.0,0.12757879364949634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592482340672761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722003203958467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928424662758273,0.0,0.14858022743085544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387701490033818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713592152101938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037250600174584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779397417056628,0.0,0.2998183442333143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733770830886127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255047971140895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571688477587344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757376103268027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,incredivonne,2019/02/11,"I relapsed today. I’m so sad about breaking up with my SO, but I felt so jealous all the time and it was becoming so toxic to me and probably him. That’s not why I did it though. I think some drugs I took Thursday night are really fucking with me. My New Year resolutions were to sober up from everything except for weed and occasional beer, quit self-harming and raise money to go to a rave with my ex. Now I have nothing to look forward to.",2.1658516483516483,3.9544729890109913,4.017678571428572,86.51794642857145,77.35164835164834,7.187362637362638,25.660714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.5323945054945065,346,13,73,6,8,117,67,91,0.09,0.91,0.0,-0.8314,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,1,14,12,10,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,5,2,12,0,15,7,2,13,0,1,1,1,2,3,1,1,8,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619102986498519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750153030984928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131324882952599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22769836946651895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923863779125266,0.0,0.0,0.13477614058080628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914380534699694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903811055939385,0.0,0.2225464532182113,0.0,0.2275490022014473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556846429169176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25223509180147485,0.0,0.0,0.15192248062896554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473961058672352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195426196516248,0.2329957846820959,0.0,0.1382823591333158,0.0,0.22478768621478604,0.0,0.2634791120255009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213988337890796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271493297146746
suicidewatch,aluud,2019/02/11,Seasonal Depression hitting hard Anybody struggle with the winter time - suicide time thoughts? I live in the frozen tundra and there’s literally nothing to do everyday and it’s always gray. I love all the other seasons besides winter. Have any of you guys moved to warmer climates and had success moving past these thoughts? ,5.609166666666668,8.958422535714286,4.907142857142858,76.50452380952382,73.64285714285714,6.590476190476192,36.11904761904762,7.793537801064563,3.3812476190476204,266,15,37,4,6,80,46,56,0.182,0.6679999999999999,0.15,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,7,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,2,5,3,1,11,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,8,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972507504256839,0.0,0.0,0.16120716378518568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041771947274511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23472410010170264,0.0,0.0,0.21235687119146826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932603085149365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395356247609332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5039090087938559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746297264035956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262981157510449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478238693727993,0.0,0.25930232403525344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763941984617216,0.2764601573101138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imscaredofliving,2019/02/11,Anybody else planned what will be going on when they die? In my “perfect suicide” I picture myself comfortable in my room home alone just finished eating my last pizza and last sip of soda I get changed into a tuxedo put on reborn by kids see ghosts on a loop repeating forever as I hang myself from the ceiling. Does anyone else think about things like that ,5.248970588235295,6.840090661764705,5.331647058823531,81.0604117647059,68.85294117647061,7.2047058823529415,29.776470588235288,7.554174236665415,1.994361176470588,287,11,49,3,5,90,57,68,0.135,0.741,0.124,-0.2263,0,1,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,6,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,11,4,0,15,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,6,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468437600182621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664976384864094,0.24420294453606695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521274183742465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24735468104625344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085690530675852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438767765429373,0.3981975525966155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452049220525313,0.0,0.13545159015182776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390699975358606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38855058025984257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643871492671078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23959306468147246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992258245096125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26070041720910797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833955451971954,0.1527158021058502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alec_ph,2019/02/11,"Read this please My name is Alec, im 16. 1 and a half long years of struggling with depression, I know that pain, I know the feeling of hopelessness, feeling like there is no way out, no cure, feeling like the only way to end the pain is suicide, ending it all sounds good doesn't it? Looking at people who are happy and optimistic with hate, not understanding how they can be ok with such a shitty world. Laying in bed all night not being able to sleep because of the pain, im not talking about emotional pain, im talking about actual physical pain, feeling like your chest is being pressed so hard it hurts, feeling like your head is about to explode. Feeling like im tied to my bed, cant get up. Listening to music that only makes us more depressed, rethinking our life's most painful moments, reliving them. Trying to cry and failing, i'm not even good enough to cry right? No feelings, emptiness no happiness not even sadness, just empty. Thinking about the moments in life when we were happy, wondering why we cant go back, what could I have done different, missing that innocent happiness. 

​

The day that X died I had my first panic attack, after that day my depression came back after 3 decent months, I started smoking weed to numb the pain, it worked, only for a while though. Once it wore off I was deeper in that hole, so I smoked again and again, never feeling my pain, total numbness. Suicide sounds good, ending the suicidal thoughts, ending the pain, ending this miserable life I have. Pain feels amazing, just pinching myself felt good, cutting felt amazing, it made me focus on another type of pain. Depression is the worst place someone can be in, it doesn't matter what got us into depression cause at the end its the same thing no matter how fucked your situation is, pain, so much pain you cant take it. I know that pain, I love that pain and I hate that pain. Its comforting and its horrible at the same time.

There's no way out to the pain? Maybe, maybe theres no way to ever leave that hole, maybe any happiness we feel is depression waiting to come back stronger. 

Maybe there is a way.

I made a promise to myself, I wouldnt kill myself until I had tried everything, and when i say everything i mean EVERYTHING. If I was taking my pills, exercising, eating good, listening to happy music, spending time outside, going for long walks in nature, writing down things im grateful for, working hard to fight that monster, going to therapy, doing what I love. If i still wanted to kill myself after a while of doing this, I would do it. That monster did not leave at the beginning and I lost hope, i tried it, with a fucking nail clipper, for obvious reasons it didn't work, someone found me. I kept fighting and fighting, it wasn't easy and it wasn't fast, but it worked.

​

How do I feel now?

I couldn't be happier with the fact that i kept going.

​

Im here, I know that pain, If you need to talk im here.

I love you, why you ask? Because anyone strong enough to live one day with depression is someone that I love",5.551833616298811,6.2988989117147725,5.760942275042447,81.36667657045844,67.52292020373514,8.644821731748726,30.94991511035653,8.6894789155246,2.3881789473684205,2405,91,453,36,38,764,262,589,0.224,0.638,0.13699999999999998,-0.9912,1,0,1,0,5,5,101.0,6,7,2,8,32,75,11,3,23,1,43,35,3,8,7,92,103,26,6,10,12,0,16,5,0,2,25,5,2,0,41,24,1,3,25,2,1,7,24,48,0,3,22,22,56,27,57,72,11,70,0,14,1,6,32,19,2,6,44,292,97,7,0.034143357221636535,0.0,0.033318991409825936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098293985409764,0.12446374860290654,0.023218653736320854,0.035802287061043686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02387382924196563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031919429987801624,0.038842997934699884,0.0,0.0787624024793221,0.0,0.041626947310250836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905090476740295,0.0,0.03507463308722487,0.0,0.029411478986979742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027260692471213783,0.0,0.07500974931885297,0.06605892239546253,0.0,0.2058533648097088,0.0,0.035435414255147686,0.03567254125346528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034940508758163416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03493717833620905,0.0,0.03840668130409705,0.18144528127821502,0.07055843020928937,0.0,0.04510273086243958,0.030884621351061407,0.0,0.0,0.09205754368327232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990298034792533,0.12196010610651248,0.06556595465238023,0.0,0.0,0.02904232221058192,0.0,0.037436428874129166,0.0,0.06312996714534899,0.017838494933204604,0.0,0.07761782697212792,0.1431891405844872,0.02730756182518388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807743193347887,0.061171483263528476,0.06741899307057446,0.035040934868196004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03391205770498538,0.0,0.0,0.0365511700754725,0.0,0.25816479380218144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554913201301701,0.0,0.07505718481231807,0.0,0.0,0.07230577077223219,0.0,0.0,0.07234938883402647,0.08340359845451041,0.0,0.030149209962007206,0.0604315934247104,0.0286718208419221,0.0,0.037271507710942765,0.0,0.12326285175277593,0.06461454030990582,0.022790956072956274,0.0,0.13720636603304098,0.03719212548251928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02725290198768156,0.0,0.02509929614293609,0.02531686675093504,0.026333461960531976,0.0,0.0,0.03204122781805612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03636156112240969,0.0231364224904111,0.07790268517696812,0.6539569086509155,0.04005987310231091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02367070484788293,0.0,0.03567254125346528,0.037479153171614266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03415259689900205,0.0,0.0,0.03510505779195749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029158240511143223,0.0,0.027152168076658267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038378564067708607,0.0341680151458872,0.0,0.08678866732353167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024166843976369524,0.0,0.02726692918197146,0.0,0.0,0.03569405028569221,0.0,0.11204187332804673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134311087487218,0.08232941162209964,0.0,0.0,0.039045904606028865,0.0,0.045366658788499915,0.021877684659285013,0.03354567511496461,0.027106011783968438,0.03981853233908336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954329497398261,0.0,0.0,0.03554443899788889,0.0821405095538717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020138636713203317,0.1355070386003618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061618138466069186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037027014448757466,0.09942708281109316,0.0,0.0,0.024254461349474676,0.0,0.12446374860290654,0.021987202616795258
suicidewatch,UmbreHonest,2019/02/11,"I’ve hit a brand new low today. I’m starting to realize my life just cannot be fixed. 

I hate college. I’m being forced to go and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. My major is music but I don’t know if I want to peruse that. I don’t even know if I can support myself with this major. I’m only here because my mom forced me to go and it’s the only thing I’m sort of good at. I tried telling her that it’s not working out and that I really want to take time off to figure out what I want to do but she wasn’t having any of it. I’m stuck here. 

I have like 3 friends total and 2 of them are mad at me 

I betrayed my boyfriends trust and he’s super mad at me. I really didn’t mean to. I’d never want to do that on purpose and I wish I could take it back. 

The reason why my friends and bf is mad at me isn’t over something shocking or life changing. I shared a secret that they told me not to share with a friend. I betrayed their trust.I wish I could take that back. They’re all so mad at me. I’m so stupid for doing that. I apologized but they’re all still so mad at me. 

My biggest fear is being alone and I’ve been alone all the time lately. Most of the year my mom lives in a state 12 hours away and I’m at home alone. I think my relationship is falling apart and that terrifies me. I love him so much but I’m so stupid and mess things up all the time. Now that he’s mad at me and my friends are too I’m even more alone. 

I thought about suicide twice today which probably sounds so stupid. I just want this all to end. I hate everything about my life and I’m so tired of messing everything up. Everything I do goes wrong and nothing is getting better. I don’t know what to do. ",-0.6938746867167893,1.16808902105263,1.5706766917293251,99.91640350877195,87.73684210526315,4.6716791979949885,17.205513784461154,5.916634753146586,-0.6518959899749373,1308,31,332,10,42,439,160,380,0.25,0.595,0.155,-0.9943,0,4,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,3,3,21,30,11,1,9,0,30,6,0,1,7,60,69,28,1,12,11,2,0,1,5,0,5,1,1,0,21,19,0,0,11,0,0,3,11,17,0,1,6,1,53,13,41,57,11,40,0,1,0,1,23,20,0,5,17,207,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598526426436565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059069351932538615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816100030272536,0.13358351504608065,0.0,0.052950460187535256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682265765173625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188881033308588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870497883241964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769342278126677,0.0,0.0,0.17211521688687098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341987398419212,0.0,0.0,0.09774425204155432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26843843228645803,0.0,0.045381973783775315,0.0,0.09873170920507493,0.07285598755342015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715171031812881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712998293305774,0.0,0.08554188188615905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909490237932692,0.0,0.09798447327796173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454136838810175,0.04243653887514549,0.0,0.07670101436363455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839662942002668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946185241485144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346418390223964,0.0,0.0,0.06385379505474413,0.0,0.06699357119553913,0.08389216381764487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334673265773021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321254074264644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365226554154496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112924447497406,0.08930892535261281,0.0,0.09325761757018586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687085277330675,0.0,0.0,0.06148159269483649,0.0,0.0693683559029937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501327283304706,0.0985703241898698,0.0,0.0,0.195928949198827,0.0,0.07592149076068236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541492303618485,0.055657863254442975,0.0,0.06895897444088765,0.15195034089090026,0.09983545160329804,0.1646706336343966,0.08300066311616269,0.0,0.05897380919119333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30740185877174264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837972752025882,0.0,0.19977474787354646,0.0,0.0,0.06323679887829654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497030412576526,0.0,0.05593648211187423
suicidewatch,sadbutalsorad,2019/02/11,"I’m scared and I don’t know if I can go on. I’m new to reddit. I needed an outlet, I guess. A little info about me, I’ve been in recovery from an eating disorder for 4 years and been to treatment too many times to count and improved with that but now all I do is fantasize about killing myself. I’m tired of living. Right now I’m laying in bed, so overwhelmed. I know how easy it would be to self harm too but I’m too tired to even move. I scare those who love me and that makes me wish I wasn’t here anymore. I can’t handle being this sad anymore. If anyone is up,  I’d love to chat. 
 
                       Rose ",-0.4282224645583384,1.4146954961832066,1.9310414394765552,97.8840648854962,86.40458015267176,4.658887677208289,16.227371864776444,5.773587663045528,-0.7470505997818973,454,9,111,3,14,154,84,131,0.21,0.638,0.153,-0.8629,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,3,3,0,12,5,0,2,1,19,26,10,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,5,1,0,3,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,3,0,13,2,16,20,1,13,0,2,0,2,5,6,0,3,5,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401133917189277,0.11989900562898677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965247119370276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546129276281747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325733561109015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745294919721333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888985699702936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897112045304213,0.0,0.18847587735295115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186256612630912,0.1514151859890986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30952498667813666,0.0,0.1144606063311353,0.17384829897087511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225032973140992,0.0,0.12714622016910873,0.0,0.165611207268455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464383450071568,0.0,0.0,0.3433519151042029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888537268369856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998820014741523,0.39416958428091137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718729182504732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121810613973767,0.0,0.0,0.11042400042314096
suicidewatch,PeteyBleachy,2019/02/11,"I got dumped tonight, i have no friends, no support, i have no idea what to do (past suicide attempter) My ldr gf of almost 2 years broke up with me tonight, i kinda saw it coming tbh, i think she cheated on me or maybe I’m a jealous freak. I know i shouldn’t get into LDRs’ but the thing is is that I have no friends. I lost all of my friends in high school, and shortly afterwards I tried to hang myself. 

Now 5 years later, I think I’m in the very place that I was in, I’ve had help: Residentials, therapists, day treatment program which I graduated from but when I got back in the high school (different one) I tried making friends, talking to people and everything but they all seemed to be uninterested, left the school, or I would scare them off. So I tried getting long distance friends and I’ve gotten plenty of them and they made me feel good, but everyone around me: parents, teachers, therapists would say “you can’t be friends with someone half way across the country.” But I couldn’t achieve any friends at least in my town that is interested in me. They would comment on how I would dress or look and how it can scare people. That didn’t help my self esteem.

My parents don’t/wouldn’t know how to support me, they would say “just wait til you go to high school/college and you’ll get so many friends” and when I say at my community college, everyone is the same as when i was in high school, and they’ll most likely be the same in college. My parents call me a loser and tell me they’re embarrassed of me.

I have a broken heart, no support, nothing, idk what to work towards, I’m so alone and I can’t cry anymore",2.740201577563539,4.564125233128833,3.4292418930762487,91.21381901840492,75.80981595092024,6.252234881682735,27.28702892199825,7.021680442328713,1.1540476774758988,1270,51,271,13,28,400,161,326,0.151,0.693,0.156,0.7911,4,1,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,3,7,5,13,24,3,3,10,0,28,1,1,5,2,51,54,29,1,7,9,3,1,1,9,8,0,3,0,1,10,15,0,1,7,0,0,3,10,10,0,2,10,6,51,14,34,32,6,45,0,3,2,0,33,26,0,7,16,174,61,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348904208238187,0.07600944982941063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990741664907698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278272201044146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533226686112198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643204068386391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493894502423544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632186065884008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806149842818579,0.047330194087612285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766764688205468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402537370316459,0.06595780330284963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03710796606100325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536047288971682,0.0,0.1150290463608456,0.0,0.04170897755405099,0.061555680014250665,0.1173926689425563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696698058700242,0.09838294861515587,0.31016039313996485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284787892698897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066596447569692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797379704188778,0.0,0.0,0.03585443140133699,0.0,0.0,0.06494745014214044,0.061628745796190876,0.0,0.08011337287654709,0.0,0.0,0.06944297506342052,0.04898810040758523,0.07440549372099987,0.07372967608588178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041926103809559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049730664409356425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24447126008233444,0.0,0.07005863811820451,0.10175815899029912,0.0,0.0766764688205468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750869685016813,0.1469515026296518,0.3713707581580287,0.0,0.0668110980524465,0.07656131554226765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218273505033925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027626576785292,0.24984480501140666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589877474516683,0.06414570920533852,0.0,0.0,0.17042186863510606,0.0487567618658355,0.09405013193336582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948007911358646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060554072022613134,0.0,0.0582532158075279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342847290380616,0.0,0.0,0.26066918476707823,0.0,0.0,0.09452093944857244
suicidewatch,palepinkpoppies,2019/02/11,"Suicidal codependent best friend My brother committed suicide in 2011. I now have a best friend who is suicidal. We are romantically invested in each other. I'm afraid if I don't help him, he's going to die. (I want to help him). If I do help him, I'm afraid he's going to become codependent on me and is not going to be able to survive without me. I cannot deal with another close loved one committing suicide so I don’t know how to go about this and find the best way to help him while keeping myself safe. How do I help him so he does not become life or death dependent on me? I love him so much and just want to help him. I’m the only person in his life who takes his illness seriously. He’s bipolar and maybe schizophrenic and his parents won’t do anything for him mental health wise. I am terrified that he’s going to kill himself either way. We are going to his university’s free counseling service on Friday together for the first time, so that’s the first step we are taking. He says if it wasn’t for me he would have given up already but he also says he doesn’t really want to be my friend anymore because he does want to give up and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. Please help me. ",3.0328340080971654,4.347622404858299,4.6719028340080975,84.72178137651824,73.93927125506073,7.953036437246964,25.955465587044536,8.532816995589336,1.7026485829959517,942,32,197,17,19,318,123,247,0.156,0.688,0.156,-0.4608,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,3,0,0,6,10,16,1,2,5,0,21,8,0,3,2,37,43,19,7,9,10,2,0,0,3,2,6,2,0,1,7,12,0,2,2,0,2,7,10,5,0,3,2,2,34,12,27,37,6,23,0,1,0,2,47,9,0,5,5,126,41,1,0.08888160024203849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808305604809084,0.07107858360152047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320010758326557,0.0,0.0,0.17629332848332785,0.0,0.0,0.07314198379605143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054181398538359286,0.19632548878930234,0.0,0.0,0.2798272676851599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916330270715718,0.0,0.0,0.09224506845627954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556177466868445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812361723952683,0.15120528752138282,0.0,0.0,0.20600911159997,0.0,0.0,0.08526332993133236,0.30308077016899104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447698476628227,0.0,0.0,0.41702824168960295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514959135208294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900205015796946,0.09833432176316192,0.0,0.04884700303836655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255594055843018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043822877559955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929351394217576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957174786849274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653382030258961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060228472597899436,0.0675984621423702,0.0,0.0,0.0986924986405544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760798500820856,0.0,0.0975653064221398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056939829058497114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136443191736642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888881783892815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365580386076387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051827575868027866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621233533280508,0.14110015434835496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567869088602395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631389386742518,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dsfkjsd,2019/02/11,Going on 40 It is not better yet just more isolated and feeling more pathetic.. I make a decent living as I can pay my bills. All the hard work doing things right pulling bootstraps is BS it is still the same worse health better finances and ready to  say fuck it.Starting to think cancer diagnoses in mid life is a relief more than a burden at least for us without families. Why am I  here why do I wake up wishing I didn't or toss and turn all night not knowing where I screwed up so bad to get me here. Younger crowds make mistakes have regrets do things wrong because my life of doing things right is horrible just a empty nothing.At worse you end up where I am now a pathetic lonely loser with much regret. Can't get much worse.,3.835491651205942,5.1845939591836725,4.391886209029067,87.37703153988869,71.99319727891157,6.978107606679036,26.969078540507113,7.348242739294969,1.3334136054421766,580,20,116,6,11,184,99,147,0.34,0.593,0.067,-0.9929,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,4,10,13,2,0,7,0,15,8,1,2,2,22,26,6,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,5,10,0,0,1,3,12,3,15,25,9,18,0,4,0,2,4,11,2,1,5,79,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109456319430888,0.08840935883297776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565357083878255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472030913759615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845413862577432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367220214636061,0.0,0.07333187150883361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407853035365006,0.1515450929260504,0.0,0.08242427994383585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991900592381428,0.0,0.0,0.1541608351387704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970507103977897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487892233529045,0.0,0.0,0.12806475104675755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936182154874891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132284803511949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361014722748183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477108233832097,0.0,0.11533422101271736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265346459557934,0.0,0.11582169157663275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890558262170284,0.09292980621719324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577517375697092,0.0,0.0,0.17445405568050346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617352684387365,0.0,0.1667781291037554,0.13980440393245802,0.0,0.10558406525041387,0.0,0.44339597190539104,0.0,0.15856828564274353,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anti-socialintrovert,2019/02/11,"Don't see a point in going on anymore Woah...so this isn't easy seeing as how I'm a very private person. But I just don't think I can handle life anymore, I'm not cut out for it...just to give you a rundown I'm 23 and spend 24 hours a day in my room and rarely leave it. I drink and use drugs on a daily basis to stop myself from going crazy because I have nobody else but myself to talk to. I have no friends. I keep hearing and seeing all these things talking about how life is precious but it just seems like nobody gives a shit about mine, nobody is calling me, checking up on me to see if I'm okay...I dont mean shit to anyone...and I'm just so tired of doing this",1.1580180180180193,2.3002484054054086,3.0132432432432448,95.42612612612612,78.45945945945945,4.933333333333334,19.765765765765764,3.1291,-0.5665153153153155,516,11,123,0,12,173,88,148,0.153,0.747,0.1,-0.8309,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,3,0,6,0,10,7,2,3,1,22,29,12,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,1,6,5,1,2,3,1,2,2,6,3,0,0,0,5,13,3,19,29,1,14,0,0,4,0,9,9,2,2,4,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892420736476697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889468592595058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890550433569247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404624549548787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090796614588194,0.14285478277099933,0.16911283321480813,0.0,0.12181960968325667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266545202838775,0.0,0.0,0.27978077863310946,0.16575350336206318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435744294317756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361005922994666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961759249028704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440956396647734,0.0,0.0,0.2060036142581924,0.07124362624479105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884817539204615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733036870147008,0.0,0.0,0.13785349575403838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648204332415855,0.13275527494420378,0.0,0.0,0.2993783038599174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191776488585995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344201744787437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688087032796557,0.09343994850639503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760649639528138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594756555340986,0.0,0.12032241221424972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElectricalWolverine,2019/02/11,"I can't handle life sober and I want to stop thinking altogether My sober mind just drives me insane. I can't handle it. I feel like I'm stepping on twigs and the first to snap will be the end of me. 

The only time I feel normal or happy or calm is when I'm high or drunk or wharever. I hate this feeling",-0.5817537313432837,1.4652623731343295,1.941921641791048,96.05676305970152,89.44776119402985,4.544029850746268,15.83768656716418,5.985473137389443,-0.6623119402985078,237,5,56,2,8,81,46,67,0.156,0.682,0.162,-0.1469,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,15,13,7,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,9,3,4,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,6,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491575797396208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42671707938069625,0.20096825653366432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392825427378789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994602270921732,0.0,0.27773585000851864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29721995739557594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869790485084496,0.13743408648233166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840433828868881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27562453349596555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139492893634314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351881498210648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025239085680927,0.0,0.0,0.16403439775065118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592420416897294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bowserette,2019/02/11,"When the situation is life I’m 30. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was 16. I’ve attempted multiple times, been hospitalized multiple times. I’ve been on medication after medication with no result, and now I’m trying TMS but it’s making things worse, not better. I’m 15 treatments in and should start seeing some improvement... but I don’t. 

I used to push the thoughts away by reminding myself I want to end the situation, not my life. But when the depression won’t go away, and now I have complicated grief and PTSD from finding my fiancé dead in our living room, and I’m on disability and down to $5 and can only make it to maybe two more treatments with the gas I have, and I eat one shitty meal a day because I can’t afford food and don’t have energy to cook anyway, and I have gastro issues now because of it, and I owe my parents $6000 that I won’t have anytime soon...

I just don’t see any light at the end of this tunnel. The only reason I’ve survived this past year is weed. But I’m out and can’t afford more. So the thoughts just circle and spiral. Valentine’s Day is this week, and I will spend it mourning my late fiancé. The one year anniversary of his death is March 4th. These are going to be really fucking terrible weeks and I just don’t want to experience them. 

I was hospitalized over Christmas, but it complicated matters more than it helped. Within days of getting out I was back to where I was. 

This is life now. Widowed, trying to live off disability, plagued by untreatable depression. I thought I had found something to look forward to - a concert on the 19th - but I won’t have the gas to get there. I already invited a friend, but she doesn’t have a car. 

It’s my own stupid fault I’m out of money and I hate myself for it. I can never be trusted with money I guess. $300 short on rent this month. Trying to sell my phone but so far only scams and low-ballers. 

I’m so exhausted. I just want to rest. ",1.8739533949377247,3.9750176870229055,3.666321815990358,87.19730514262758,79.5089058524173,6.783152537833133,23.064751573590463,7.85451343220497,1.1551669211195938,1513,50,316,26,38,507,193,393,0.2,0.759,0.041,-0.9973,6,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,1,3,19,13,3,0,15,0,37,11,0,5,1,56,67,30,5,4,14,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,0,16,23,4,0,7,2,6,5,14,10,0,3,13,5,37,3,44,47,6,51,0,4,3,1,8,21,1,2,27,205,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182688424813686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891200941578847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041716602746986,0.07792119047761834,0.0,0.12354706769700435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962352784043524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960601649781219,0.0,0.17456123456518982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369210850066354,0.0,0.0,0.17950737761531158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912613118622816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261934133407523,0.0,0.1225359902735054,0.11110978131483493,0.07829200409380925,0.09368357312494333,0.10588783869734204,0.0,0.11518325919924488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163311693740507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004839940428407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792343840387945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576853966204032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431151221776707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473001067059266,0.0,0.0,0.17896323054513494,0.0,0.08509678512219455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528524068021622,0.0,0.1018057129339971,0.0,0.0,0.20417087916597432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088549231624233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815663212788998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373359009194225,0.23121196583558226,0.0,0.0,0.11252172461087892,0.0,0.09673675485161212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845645475736788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491848775706245,0.10419036782123543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150347159245834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382625261928027,0.22781199964761206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801346527754045,0.0,0.0,0.07172619905366479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084522409478252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732318878388495,0.0,0.0,0.32179811293008953,0.11817976643414947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064016394953752,0.0,0.09899062552857933,0.0,0.0,0.08752183691082449,0.0,0.0,0.17931193667320466,0.0,0.1625713818820645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327012298374584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305142262736146
suicidewatch,CageThePipes,2019/02/11,"Cross my heart, hope to die. Sometimes I think I'm too scared to do it. I just wish the night would take me.",-1.337500000000002,0.5902769166666673,-0.17833333333333454,110.59,92.33333333333334,3.2,12.166666666666668,3.1291,-2.1307333333333336,82,1,23,0,3,25,21,24,0.231,0.578,0.19,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34343930393316063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921378991777619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32867496367562404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105429190064694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313053594206267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272850914857797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488081856989667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120380683841597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805378896544134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350737390329011,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acordial8,2019/02/11,"The irony of wanting to die so badly, yet people who appreciate the “gift” of life get taken instead. Anyone out there need TWO kidneys donated? I’m down ",3.0554022988505736,5.67161431034483,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,78.3103448275862,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,2.0567839080459764,121,5,20,2,3,41,27,29,0.241,0.61,0.149,-0.541,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30180395358036616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603908972744663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44796115489352095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22550753137250865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048712374252618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200462900299449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992361315279652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216373072978909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254585057058197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HoejackWhoresman,2019/02/11,"What the hell is the point? I feel so fucking trapped. I’m a high school senior, I’ve gotten into a good college, and I’m supposed to feel relieved and relaxed, but I’m more miserable than I’ve ever been.

My life is great on the surface. I have a pretty set future, I have no financial/health-related issues, and I live in a first world country. I’m incredibly privileged, and I should be grateful, but it’s so hard sometimes. I never asked to be born. I never asked to be under the control of two extremely physically and emotionally abusive and manipulative parents who have made me feel guilty for my entire life when I was in fact the victim all along. I’m under their watch 24/7 - I can’t so much as send a friend stupid memes because I know they’ll see it and scream at me for wasting time. Thank god they don’t know what reddit is. They’re paying for college, so I’m under their suffocating clutches until I start earning my own money. 

My home life is shit- I never feel safe in my own home, nor do I feel any privacy unless I’m in the shower. I only have two friends and I’m paranoid they’re only nice to me because I give them answers to assignments and tests (when I see them in public, they lowkey ignore me, but they’re all smiles in school). I feel like everyone lowkey hates me because I’m socially awkward and try way too hard to be liked and make people laugh, which always ends up backfiring and causes everyone to avoid me like the plague. 

To top it off, I loathe myself intensely. I feel like a fucking fraud. I got into a great college, but my essays and ECs are extremely bullshitted. I didn’t earn anything, everything was just handed to me. I’ll be surrounded by passionate, intelligent, hardworking kids in college and I’ll be the one awkward dumbfuck who got in because my parents got an important political figure to write me a letter of recommendation. 

I’m so fucking lonely. I’m ugly and have no personality, so I’ve never gotten any attention from girls. My parents suck, my sisters emotionally distant, my friends are nonexistent, and I have absolutely no interests or passions or hobbies besides watching tv and playing video games. I don’t even have any career goals because the idea of working for 90% of my waking hours just to be rich enough to afford vacations that I won’t even have enough time or energy to enjoy appalls me. Right now- senior year- is supposed to be the “best year of my life,” so the fact that it sucks is just foreshadowing how badly the rest of my life’s gonna suck once you add on responsibilities and bills and taxes and applying for internships and jobs.

Life is a fucking joke game that I never signed up for. It’s sick that I, a conscious human being, am being forced to prolong my sentience just because other people would “miss me” if I were gone. I should have the right to end my life because I’m the one experiencing it, and I simply no longer want to anymore. There’s no point. No value. I’ve always been too much of a coward to go through with it, but shit’s gotten so bleak that there doesn’t seem to be another choice. I could make huge changes, leave my parents, travel the world, make friends... but I’d still hate myself and stay sad. The problem is ME, and I can’t escape myself. i guarantee any of you would dislike, or even hate, me if you knew me in person.  

Maybe a tiny part of me wants to live? I’m not sure. I guess this wall of text I’ve written could be seen as a cry for help. 

If any of you guys could tell me what the hell the point of life is when I could easily just end my suffering, let me know. If you can convince me that I add value to the world aside from exhaling co2 for plants, let me know, because I feel unloved, like a leech and a fraud and a drain on society.",4.318454951883005,5.446200318607764,5.339991917354954,81.88105251193453,70.57965194109772,8.100921926700511,28.41830213937511,8.451235370850725,1.9788694349725948,2966,107,583,46,53,977,329,747,0.202,0.636,0.162,-0.9905,7,4,0,0,0,2,87.0,0,5,7,8,27,58,16,4,36,0,58,19,4,8,11,108,121,57,0,15,21,5,11,5,4,7,9,1,3,6,21,32,0,4,19,8,5,4,20,29,0,5,17,18,86,29,73,79,12,68,2,5,5,6,41,35,11,10,31,370,107,19,0.0,0.0665842705385061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935208326794995,0.0,0.0,0.1910794782599716,0.05892746762863758,0.0,0.0,0.05573233592066888,0.0,0.0,0.046245353081652917,0.0,0.10507324150123228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046922158177974696,0.2740574182784959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058975297653297676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772981212931293,0.05944898788267761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302972817029555,0.17947496710394398,0.0,0.061729779542889274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642815054869305,0.14932161904434718,0.11613307286755704,0.0,0.11135279046536764,0.050833415244795406,0.0,0.10739730763649456,0.05050625132894122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273191848524621,0.08029431407354579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780115021720733,0.0,0.0,0.1736706901568903,0.2078129304427772,0.0,0.05390929522210738,0.03193805732652494,0.04713538792747075,0.13483765403535922,0.12391480958925595,0.06190734509635892,0.055643877764936296,0.0,0.0,0.10068297015945543,0.1664487463446617,0.0,0.059734796512896,0.0,0.0,0.03766767296982353,0.05937522925181126,0.11274037134291198,0.0,0.05534273739400721,0.0,0.0,0.0634395869120071,0.0,0.05865508072185574,0.055766863673425635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235376338048837,0.0,0.0,0.05950452214518656,0.0,0.11493050571419047,0.317548895592409,0.137275108700745,0.0,0.09924598342200913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317497211783258,0.11253582688097252,0.0,0.05645745255791576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262254075794999,0.0,0.21671300280110806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984798435681445,0.07616110026834906,0.0854807208474819,0.0,0.0,0.2496005281382254,0.060855888296963465,0.0,0.07791986535901453,0.09813812758122058,0.0,0.0,0.15937302418654126,0.0,0.0,0.057172565014372075,0.0,0.053772951494762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598388342615184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137487539518375,0.08956348639571302,0.05115964966731408,0.0,0.0,0.11537085174133635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057285777298499235,0.0,0.0,0.05558028242448231,0.0,0.039776534769294034,0.059898538191054,0.044879006862421834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052965019319932506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911866600411837,0.0517386589038772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553785995376554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815408269291992,0.0,0.1097926311479492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629290810270297,0.04460657285363147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040912094482755096,0.0,0.0,0.07984149077316208,0.0,0.0,0.07237806725790373
suicidewatch,arisasm,2019/02/11,want to end it all i don’t really know anywhere else to go to besides here. i feel like im just so worthless in this world. im 14 and ive been feeling this way for a very long time now. there’s been a lot of awful things going on in my life + i recently got out of a toxic relationship and i still really miss the other person but they have already moved on from me completely. i feel like i have nothing at all anymore and i just wanna die so badly ...,0.2666666666666657,2.1167187474747493,3.0507979797979807,90.82286363636366,83.74747474747474,5.9802020202020225,20.001010101010106,7.1686216300943375,0.42522949494949497,352,10,80,5,10,124,71,99,0.168,0.757,0.075,-0.9053,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,4,1,6,1,0,0,2,16,15,6,1,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,3,11,2,14,12,3,17,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,8,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008026811137686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981095741907113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138640874770407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901002512788162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817131900575573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146137194581272,0.0,0.1605869844390308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750275912054853,0.2590560264587343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608548237282295,0.0,0.14501029649257186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916921676217366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964332126398763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806472669904745,0.17715796991120827,0.0,0.0,0.16045378448899295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414341276975266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270400446935712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397198673315542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831303666162966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23230386008066925,0.0,0.179021907779651,0.1946592564499443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479452652829491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045441266255222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572341129086978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959986883215795,0.10694142887720597,0.14391556426796834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,habanamirana,2019/02/11,"My sister’s leaving me and I don’t know what to do My sister got married today. As excited and happy as I was, or tried to be, in the back of my mind I know she’s leaving me. I’ve known for a long time — they’re moving a few months after the wedding. 

I kept telling myself it was a long ways off. I told myself not to worry, not to get upset, until after the wedding. 

Well, it’s after now. And I don’t know what to do. 

She’s the only person I really trust, the only friend I can fully open up to. 

And soon she’ll be gone, and I’ll be alone, without my support. 

I’m scared and freaking out and I don’t know the point. I don’t want to lose her and I don’t think I can make it without her; I haven’t had thoughts of hurting myself in a long time, but they’re coming back tonight. ",0.14060344827586135,1.6187058620689645,2.689181034482761,95.15204741379313,82.33333333333333,4.8097701149425305,18.92097701149425,5.148860815047168,-0.4781367816091953,596,14,143,2,16,207,87,174,0.07,0.835,0.095,0.4142,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,2,10,0,17,0,0,1,0,28,33,13,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,1,7,0,0,3,10,5,1,0,8,0,27,6,23,21,1,27,0,2,0,0,13,7,0,1,16,99,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033844764564186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323291151109206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503954703199593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214761937524223,0.0,0.07583832581720533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609498327781488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545218864995683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539312904834826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190970571246615,0.0,0.0,0.30739973427251543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385377036203756,0.0,0.1623930917218689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689314927175688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656677381698374,0.0,0.11586260321541955,0.15427848033938735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079625150022805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674513319703107,0.0,0.0,0.13721989388082426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299102685725023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453270667931344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472197523703705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687325545313882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301048006177673,0.0,0.11523811627466225,0.16928394690256773,0.0,0.13759147217342693,0.13870333984235084,0.0,0.09855179453923156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561711614623745,0.1152185426223367,0.0,0.0,0.13051320470876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27985154072349044,0.0,0.0,0.14741356060794308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jimmojamies,2019/02/11,"the way mental health is handled and treated is shit it is really easy to lie and say you're okay

the only way they find out you're struggling is if you voluntarily seek help or you've already sunk so deep and you have no way to climb back up to a relatively ""normal"" life

literally the only thing the doctors and psychologists do is ask questions and then you easily lie like??? i just got my discharge report and i can't help but laugh because i remember them asking me ""are you thinking of harming yourself"" and in my head i'm like yeah of course but outwardly i said ""no"" and they believed me

noted it's solely up to you if you want to get help but i did not want help so thats why they let me off cause they don't give a shit, they don't know shit and think it can be healed with medicine and time",2.8061813186813183,4.0991417976190485,4.1297619047619065,88.47164835164837,74.47619047619048,7.073992673992675,24.232600732600734,7.61054688173877,0.949012271062271,634,19,140,8,13,209,102,168,0.132,0.72,0.14800000000000002,-0.6345,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,6,1,4,10,3,1,6,2,15,8,4,1,0,30,27,19,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,12,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,2,22,5,13,22,0,14,0,0,0,0,22,7,3,4,5,85,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081333064147054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25552683064438764,0.0,0.0,0.1050870221636695,0.0,0.08330977338610282,0.0,0.0,0.15397476224411807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403926986199075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988251565060034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490942086355974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140187145399703,0.1311016121094558,0.0,0.0,0.10930356100471653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025781527283496,0.1452686051562302,0.0,0.0,0.36641492940390136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510756206921311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974931890323072,0.09653059821182232,0.13353532431852802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377262717099889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339027762783523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787992610943207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309618359114302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755115931805314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481491128079958,0.0,0.1299998012645313,0.10868156881879913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208542680278137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287203038791646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079421641912863,0.17513894906521982,0.0,0.0,0.07969051588174825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121722771334387,0.32543517334228483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233189912731748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no_nost,2019/02/12,"I feel like I'm inside of a box that just gets smaller and smaller. I want out and I feel like suicide is the only way. Emotional abuse, sexual abuse, rape, stress, bullying, physical abuse. It weighs on my mind constantly, the thought of my own life itself makes me want to die. I want help and I just want to get better but everything I try is useless. I feel so powerless.

I've tried to make friends, I've tried to talk to people, and it just doesn't work.

I just want a reason, literally anything that my brain can deem a good enough reason not to just end it all.

I'm 17 and I'm pretty smart, I'm not majorly ugly and I'm not overly fat, I could definitely get myself somewhere good in life and I know it, I just can't bring myself to do anything about it all.",0.8719422863484994,3.0389921320754745,2.900414354421013,90.92667036625973,83.65408805031447,6.256899741028488,20.67369589345172,7.5105763829236425,0.7005098779134298,595,18,130,10,17,200,87,159,0.16,0.609,0.232,0.8333,1,0,0,0,3,2,21.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,1,1,5,0,7,6,2,4,2,36,28,9,2,6,10,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,8,8,2,0,7,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,3,17,7,14,26,5,8,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,73,25,1,0.0,0.440861710578416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413034791342533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969343695368812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138457213164607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403112262654118,0.0,0.09902694280437198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287223625885207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951576016723316,0.10985274561064097,0.12815495497922075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146913115114626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813813658773929,0.17721246757877393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582438029366966,0.0,0.19439986192557768,0.0,0.0,0.2080590263778556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831339223947858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816301122316702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752104866145979,0.12118846038199513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558043827219815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523377982426814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432952785373776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859859865110061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618192758611285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504462542756257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207462632793355,0.0,0.0,0.13566742900933554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968968988869628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846505115085068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262233896252584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36577714011892376,0.09844832647033916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902944785164264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SammayBerger,2019/02/12,"How do I know if I'm bad off enough for it to be a problem? I am currently in a place in my life where I honestly can't see anyway out. I legitimately don't have any friends, I live by myself and I've always struggled with depression/suicidal thoughts. I'm worried because I know depression is something that has been apart of my family on my mom's side and I can definitely identify with that characteristic. I often cry until fall asleep but recently I've become numb to literally everything.

I was worried that I'm just so used to it that I don't feel anything anymore. I said was because tonight I finally felt my sadness and I'm in a place where I feel like suicide is an option again. 

Although I know in my mind that people would miss me, I don't think life would actually change for anyone if I died. The only thing really stopping me is that my mom could not handle it. 

It's weird being in a place where I'm not one of the most important parts of anyone's life. That feeling alone makes me feel like suicide is worth it. I know it's not. But I feel like it is.

My question is that if I KNOW that I won't and have reasons why I won't commit suicide but FEEL like I want to, is that enough reason to seek help. 

I'm mainly worried now because I came extremely close to doing it tonight. ",3.2664179104477604,4.457486388059703,4.958388059701496,83.38026865671642,73.17910447761193,8.046567164179105,28.32537313432836,8.548686976883017,2.002009850746269,1024,40,213,18,20,348,133,268,0.213,0.684,0.102,-0.9849,1,1,1,0,0,4,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,0,1,7,0,28,5,1,5,1,50,55,14,4,8,10,2,7,4,1,4,4,1,0,0,19,9,0,1,17,0,1,2,9,8,0,1,7,9,34,6,23,41,5,28,0,3,1,0,6,17,0,7,13,141,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.08683208762123837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215691535143644,0.0,0.0,0.07403886589055772,0.0,0.0,0.060509760060889525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882447007104642,0.1244344048170378,0.0,0.07322333210201512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429496246126019,0.1627249768062798,0.09827192071925728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176993483217454,0.0,0.0,0.09412952205545984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104365219704695,0.0,0.0977408506336266,0.0,0.0,0.07663873473592453,0.0,0.09234766315856913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388119012939996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996989465638052,0.0,0.08388285307216511,0.0,0.26994714695261224,0.2542706167657443,0.08543518993895266,0.09747373814131427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874607811562643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964172275881571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445066526797943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885485785961266,0.17388542119658273,0.0,0.07857137117182023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939514405934632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984489316945836,0.208425664851883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029545853350495,0.06767364495934666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635716071329044,0.0,0.06168784319208721,0.0,0.27889690804503137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514227750525319,0.0,0.0,0.09967847273068543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057003157374128914,0.18297345298639184,0.08785746374628936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464078817240205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709059015831089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685015007613604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439164391240442,0.0,0.09302169035795274,0.0,0.3893206987131695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059114659903002575,0.05701508211694045,0.0,0.07064054134585113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685054312679702,0.0,0.0,0.052482977234943086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029101980508105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710919110716361,0.0,0.1264183232438684,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mixed_twix,2019/02/12,"I think I'm ready to kill myself. This is not a joke, i dont even know why im posting this here, i dont have any friends i can tell. ive been super depressed for the past four years and about one year ago i started to consider suicide. i never told anyone about my depression until about a month ago i had a mental break down and accidentally told my parents. Now they just keep telling me garbage like ""dont worry about it, its perfectly normal"" they keep telling me that other people have it a lot harder than i do, and that i have nothing to be depressed about. Im mentally ill, i have a lot of issues. i have anxiety and stress and no interest in anything anymore. its a battle just to get out of bed in the morning. its got to a point where i have to set an alarm 3 times in a row just to get myself out of bed. im not eating right anymore, and an average day for me now is just laying around thinking about all these sick, disgusting thoughts or at work. i hate my job, i hate it when i have to go in because i really like one of my co-workers but she has a boyfriend. im so fed up with everything im just ready to end it all because its been like this for four years and i dont see anything getting better. most of my family hates me and i haven't even talked to them in over a decade, and the family that loves me are all sick or dying with cancer. i dont have any dreams for the future so whats even the point of using up some of the earths limited resources. this is just stupid, i dont even know why im posting this here.",2.5488821138211364,3.438364823170737,4.0582926829268295,90.30845528455286,74.54878048780488,7.173983739837397,24.642276422764226,7.492282038375204,0.9278715447154476,1194,36,274,14,24,398,159,328,0.179,0.733,0.08800000000000001,-0.9761,2,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,3,5,25,22,7,2,18,0,27,7,0,1,5,44,50,16,3,1,11,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,2,0,19,14,2,3,5,2,0,1,11,12,0,4,8,1,37,10,44,41,7,39,0,3,1,1,13,17,0,6,20,189,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436645255041412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540801921278147,0.0,0.05366411258300068,0.0,0.1391387454245072,0.04905010395665271,0.0,0.11545398740604824,0.0624478543512808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552486793265669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620414593813776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524057114203591,0.0,0.1812587721907303,0.0,0.07280402047555824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932875710514822,0.0,0.0,0.07178036719517371,0.0,0.0,0.06213156268968779,0.0,0.0,0.18533211535607366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304577342681916,0.0,0.13226125586151274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419726615226182,0.0,0.10995052641566112,0.0,0.039867530709946745,0.0,0.05610489765812318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777408089303984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546404533218441,0.07321776675599152,0.0696124728992594,0.12470405136157382,0.07760993725630455,0.0,0.07710457087601205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281438640839914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927705283415944,0.06331258834924687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138822757641653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559925959957225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410355555497411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873153527826367,0.06731025828599722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950701219178416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789262680439582,0.0,0.06696555682898267,0.04863277364298962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262774816753606,0.0,0.13436750225799124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493951329890753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059907219481599265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590000368315291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049652118951301234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035592103992806,0.0,0.0,0.07673207732393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056383444786973935,0.18394104926267368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989782878923222,0.0,0.05569080193959021,0.04090468962557951,0.0,0.0,0.1340615497238641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060586573866562736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659787697833386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213922321724077,0.07124013887436131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552177530540951
suicidewatch,iiiiiiidkidkidk,2019/02/12,"I think my internet friend killed himself I met a guy through twitter 2ish years ago and we’ve come to be pretty good friends and talk almost every day. He has really bad depression and can’t get very much treatment for it, and I’ve been doing all I can but it’s tough since I live across the country.
Yesterday he messaged me to not expect to ever talk to him again. He hasn’t been online since and won’t answer and messages or calls. I’ve tried to get ahold of his work and the police department where he lives but i haven’t really heard anything. 
I don’t know if he’s still alive and I don’t know what to do. ",2.214799154334038,3.8738266744186056,3.344876673713884,91.96902748414377,76.82945736434108,6.551374207188162,21.804792107117688,7.348242739294969,0.5805286821705424,487,13,107,6,11,157,85,129,0.077,0.828,0.095,0.2992,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,0,13,0,0,0,2,22,21,12,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,4,1,12,3,10,15,2,11,0,1,0,0,18,2,0,3,7,60,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178478108242578,0.0,0.18275816749878612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019080865082102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238886527579878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636389696804784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721686341986876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770434467110348,0.0,0.15719625443878835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509143585991432,0.15377319111761747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820147285669425,0.0,0.19070868369259414,0.0,0.0,0.15308137049786247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807143516285272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192112022721231,0.0,0.2006062867246824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32232069845329325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416641221564218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856790617857094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338421389986108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30194958160586377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457533326691591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29339047900673576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169455287353768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239128290979224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505904951793543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328700105957577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175309487945154
suicidewatch,Modern-witch,2019/02/12,"Haven’t seen my therapist in a month because of logistics-I’m getting bad Not much to add, but I can’t drive and my mode of transportation has fallen through, therefore I have no way of getting to my appointments anymore. I’ve been with my therapist for 5 years, now I don’t know how I gonna get on. I’m trying to work things out, but I’m getting worse and worse depressive episodes. I NEED an appointment.",7.430243902439022,5.98849604878049,7.370853658536586,78.72993902439025,64.12195121951221,11.614634146341464,38.79268292682927,10.686352973137794,3.9051609756097543,324,15,67,7,4,104,58,82,0.247,0.753,0.0,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,12,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,1,9,0,12,13,1,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,39,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531680644364096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127948673649688,0.13234948596518167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869982840937192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537283250113784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931910060406588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329676097775795,0.0,0.15960233249135852,0.1609858285193126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041676305731528,0.14423959378681558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740482526912024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723334336265923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806015275380558,0.0,0.4425114394776124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398130370914107
suicidewatch,Super_Whack,2019/02/12,"I find it hard to imagine a scenario where I don't end my life. I have no hope. It feels like all of my problems are exacerbated by time and I'm not progressing towards anything positive. 

I'm very very lonely but being around people skeeves me out and it feels like the older I get the fewer chances I'll have to squash my loneliness. I had issues making friends when I was literally forced to be around my peers much less as an adult. How in the fuck do you meet other introverts? It's oxymoronic to hope to meet one. I'm left hoping for some manic-pixie-dream-girl to drop into my life to make everything okay, and I know that's an absurd notion. I'm essentially an incel that doesn't blame their issues on looks or society and isn't full of hate towards others. 

I have no professional qualifications. I'm a month into the best job I've had yet (I'm 26) but it's as a short order cook. I'm not exaggerating when I say anyone with a highschool diploma could do the job I have. This also feels worse every day that passes. I know it's not impossible to start a career at any stage of life but I also know it gets way harder the older you get.

And of course the biggest issue is that I'm poor as fuck. I desperately want to talk to a therapist but It would take most of what I earn to afford one which means I won't be working towards a car or school. It makes me feel hopeless. I can't get the help I feel I need to get past the problems I have. ",2.6188366336633666,3.9972662013201337,4.443981023102313,85.68795173267328,75.1056105610561,7.162211221122112,23.186056105610557,7.793537801064563,0.9833917491749182,1141,32,245,16,24,388,165,303,0.162,0.7090000000000001,0.129,-0.908,3,2,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,2,1,4,9,15,3,0,19,1,22,6,0,4,1,47,58,19,0,9,9,0,6,2,1,2,3,1,0,1,18,11,1,0,11,1,1,2,10,7,0,2,3,8,29,8,34,49,7,33,0,2,1,2,10,16,2,7,13,154,47,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672358596491214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110552125973657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731119509336762,0.0,0.08604534528395633,0.1861641095512888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097310218573148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348398533696304,0.0,0.0,0.06743362706164867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261060418578317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809771679099933,0.0,0.09397328693596158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643476107177999,0.14939775606422373,0.0,0.0,0.09556747220295134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078408696473563,0.19333115829873165,0.2731457850914296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366671842993923,0.10323300178232864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008548342163005,0.0,0.0,0.31155999406604823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274056529177665,0.20752264694404274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723930781359098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360656053778374,0.0,0.22156499960285755,0.10216710082150424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780546837827552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093871802360712,0.0,0.0,0.1138983120737608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346012751993734,0.0,0.07686485856430895,0.0775311535040695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417073875125419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981594553711112,0.07248989652493049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010279390168093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315163688421033,0.0,0.10582199245105016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400928829281772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861736307612306,0.0840427097235085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140415810905016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609707507145253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254865687972534,0.06167318214116641,0.08299618680276462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612214117692886,0.0,0.10655727481419187,0.0742776104383134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chelsea5465,2019/02/12,Benadryl  Will 80 Benadryl kill me??? I took 15 before I just want to know when I took 15 last time I was having trouble breathing and I saw the spiders as well as experienced delirium.   I just can’t stand living anymore as well as due to what’s been happening lately if you saw my previous post then you’ll know what I’m talking about. I just have nothing going for me anymore. ,3.4334649122807015,4.995929802631583,4.721052631578949,83.77570175438599,73.34210526315789,7.171929824561403,29.771929824561404,7.793537801064563,1.9843140350877198,299,13,58,4,6,99,53,76,0.108,0.8170000000000001,0.075,-0.6641,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,2,0,0,7,4,1,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,8,17,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,2,0,6,3,12,2,8,9,0,11,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,6,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204449884953474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037532992282496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047042281099278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744901859537408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345192137337196,0.0,0.23299211385007645,0.17278812539185312,0.23911732147146345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871780343886547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339597489061664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301369962999216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703776810870384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360447628416905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710246174254584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250284979273015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811824242373009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jcoleiscorny,2019/02/12,"it’ll be over soon. I’ve officially wasted all potential I may have once had, if any. No dream or passion has ever been as strong as the one I have for ending my own life. Since elementary I have planned this, I have promised myself that at 21 it would be over. There’s nothing left for me to live for, once I pay my father back for the stupid mistakes that he now has to step up for since I have done nothing with myself the past 2 years, I will commit. I would sooner but I want my way out to be guaranteed, I do not want to wake up a failure yet again. I do not want to come to only to realize I’d let my entire family down again and have them swimming through bills once more. I want out. I’ve wanted out. Now that the time is nearing I’m finally ready to take it seriously and I’m ready to do it.

Even just posting this has made me realize I should have long ago , but like the rest of the people I’ve met, I promise I’ll be out of your hair soon reddit.",2.9380166435506254,3.424376699029125,4.411678224687936,89.64077669902916,73.27184466019419,7.633287101248268,24.423023578363384,7.7094869923839395,0.9119276005547841,744,20,175,9,14,249,118,206,0.075,0.79,0.135,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,2,12,8,1,0,7,0,28,4,2,1,3,31,39,8,0,10,7,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,2,2,2,3,3,3,0,1,5,1,24,5,31,23,4,33,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,3,17,124,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095724072481973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004641580016254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359829524902308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725972425297147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118313199383324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308484377403041,0.0,0.0,0.09757688647944224,0.13363382366910062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392704283769926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618353306934944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051337850682415,0.15106798216143058,0.10434886411713794,0.07217534994228111,0.0,0.1304517922375986,0.13073990462704824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397894438802502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835094357631825,0.0,0.0,0.4719955338417962,0.10010835387208514,0.11235833281937092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102878012653386,0.10242012559615224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148829509838684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444141147304311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107755130434772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086144859425006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356865827943526,0.11726434005071874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989193128335534,0.0,0.0,0.09513582582318524
suicidewatch,Sunflowermaus,2019/02/12,"Epilepsy,Pregnancy, lost job,lost license,stuck in my house. I recently discovered i am pregnant again for the second time. I had a surgical abortion 5 months ago,and am waiting for a medical abortion this time around. I currently canT work because of new onset seizures,i lost my license, and my partner reminds me of this downfall as a reason we cant have a baby now. There are so many things i want to do to myself right now.  
I want to die. I already feel lile im going t hell for my past abortion. My life has fallen apart. My family has never known i was ever pregnant. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to do my job well. He tells me maybr we can have a baby in three years....and go through with aborting how many more before that? 
Why are you mad at me for getting pregnant again? I didnt mean for it to happen. And cue where id be a bad mom because im not stable enough.
God you make me hate myself.
Im tired of going to bed every night thinking about how i want to kil myself. I cant even go outside on my own because its late. All i can think about is hurting myself. God wont even help me anymore. Please end my suffering.
Please.
Please.
Please.",1.0075732217573226,3.147583012552303,2.9007430962343115,91.29310627615065,82.89121338912133,5.162912133891214,22.94912133891214,6.360717304075467,0.549164217573221,896,32,187,8,25,299,139,239,0.18,0.753,0.067,-0.9815,3,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,2,2,0,3,16,9,3,0,8,0,22,3,0,4,3,25,42,6,1,5,1,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,5,7,8,1,2,5,1,36,1,26,34,4,29,1,4,0,0,10,8,1,0,16,121,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546675874958974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639719479429884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561853171856304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583047265269386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050313692988771,0.1763224673083245,0.0,0.08204271511093428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006434253582012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539575054586336,0.09962325935312624,0.0,0.12736340763010645,0.08721357983031802,0.08123444083846278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089220296005003,0.0,0.048750708022521766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037325807642763,0.0,0.2191812058157822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526014304186973,0.0,0.0,0.0951906074451214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462545527889485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125084839529416,0.10321507112015148,0.0,0.31243671540852985,0.0,0.19135554018738615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876118309508633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810130654809142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315747592582958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435827217320679,0.1955009063930341,0.0,0.10502503391440887,0.0,0.0971287403203642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584195861224235,0.07695814418747324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743617822215771,0.09311894715533496,0.0,0.09047966456857366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203975787143323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233422297719656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913146498982717,0.09519893677809134,0.0,0.0,0.0823385369574171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427162877173602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405435043077938,0.12355865890967152,0.0,0.0,0.11244161647335207,0.11081573914679717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843425827851975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668935228109265,0.0,0.08700023187950515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019182561342059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goldieforest,2019/02/12,"Planned Happiness I'm new to this sub, but have struggled with depression/those thoughts for most of my life. I have no real reason to be so unhappy to be quite honest. On the surface, it appears I should be ""thriving""--a 30 year old woman with no mortgage or car payment and a decent brain--why complain? I wish I could tell you. I try to dig deep to find a reason for why I feel so inadequate, but alas, I can't answer my own question. 

My first and only attempt was when I was 17. I went the booze/pill route and ended up in the hospital and eventually the mental hospital for a few days. The psychologist couldn't figure out why I tried what I did, and I just wanted out of there so I told him nothing was wrong. 

Fast forward 13 years, and I went from a point of being completely elated very recently, thinking I finally figured out how to change my thinking, to the complete opposite. I think I built a house of cards, not quite realizing how shitty the foundation had become. Now I find myself planning my future in a different light that makes me happy, but isn't exactly normal. I decided when my dog, mom, and dad die, I can die. This simple thought has provided me more elation than I've felt in a long time. I'm not too rare to die, but I am too weird to live. Thanks for listening.",4.657267109178303,5.372525186770432,5.77903410391394,80.55595788509959,69.50583657587549,9.00425726710918,30.29274433508812,9.168548406835145,2.506678370336462,1011,39,200,19,17,337,161,257,0.171,0.7120000000000001,0.117,-0.9447,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,6,12,8,0,1,14,0,19,1,0,5,1,50,37,19,3,6,8,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,12,0,0,17,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,11,4,32,4,29,19,4,32,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,4,17,132,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089070950015662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219430790351947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579487429276718,0.0,0.2295348586471681,0.0,0.0,0.0873954376461105,0.0,0.0,0.07059307632871299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408086797798757,0.11436310204106558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694966346921248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055346603390187904,0.0,0.10509940838041136,0.11990881296804493,0.20009013762814373,0.0931071895012706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330458360475349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630291605430025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731530795674896,0.0,0.0,0.09665577652132093,0.09686924792136843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306584682221785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103106093637421,0.0,0.0,0.1281990130933121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571779663050716,0.0,0.0,0.10724821534314848,0.10503046449105803,0.0,0.1148605593028847,0.0,0.0,0.08324977159008505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347571342879007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262100101543275,0.23284979144316426,0.0,0.1245902058044506,0.0,0.225087597650708,0.10807920563103328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144320581501887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956734497583027,0.10077667790870017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041393143268305,0.0,0.17379908930795204,0.06382739660547314,0.0,0.0,0.1045943604766834,0.0,0.1486332187152289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031651593048357,0.06456273885943836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029422744068841,0.2963136859344597,0.0,0.12587436779860692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967805860066948,0.0,0.1409781646110158
suicidewatch,mirianajadesky,2019/02/12,"I want to die all the time, its just the fear that stops it. It's getting worse and I dont have access to therapy I don't have any family except my partner and my mental health is ruining our relationship. I don't think it will ever get better. My partner is so stuck on me that they are willing to pour unlimited energy into trying to make me better but they can't because they are my partner not a professional pyschiatrist. So they try  to push me to fight certain things when they start happening and when I give up  we fight. I just want to not be afraid. I just want it to stop.",2.625,4.273018166666667,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,75.66666666666666,7.8000000000000025,23.666666666666664,8.548686976883017,1.479816666666666,460,14,96,9,10,156,73,120,0.168,0.7340000000000001,0.098,-0.8644,0,0,0,0,2,1,8.0,2,0,5,2,9,8,2,2,3,0,13,1,0,1,3,22,24,8,1,3,7,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,8,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,21,3,12,20,1,11,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,0,7,72,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291281135499099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575195616543794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358751886016476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707034902153014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254346477045311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176159040294833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179006404346891,0.21367308872607105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984138465092019,0.18215471536312464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791442107234292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183856626674315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267495177421099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913591253203815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386511510656247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440137436745642,0.0,0.0,0.31750423841109543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171497133677128,0.0,0.12615096322870809,0.12167045432414984,0.0,0.0,0.11072330083524153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578385061142436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359967633491609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193508740784202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tea_hound,2019/02/12,"My ex boyfriend got away with it So, I’m 17f now, but from middle school through most of high school I had this boyfriend. Things were ok at first, but he quickly began consuming most of my life. He insisted that we could never tell our parents about our relationship (instant red flag, but I was 13 and didn’t know any better). My grades started slipping and it went downhill from there. He had a rough home life and would constantly complain about how much of a “psychotic bitch” his mother was. He wanted to text me every moment of the day, and he’d get upset if I was busy. 

Once we got into high school, he started trying to do more physical things with me. During our lunch period, he kept trying to feel up my shirt and thighs. We normally sat in the corner of the lunch room, and unluckily for me it was a spot where no one could see what happened under the table. I absolutely wanted no part of that, but he would beg and beg and beg saying “pleaseeee it’ll make me so happy” and other ways to try and guilt me. Eventually I just gave in every day, put my head down on the table, and let him have his way. He’d even grab my hand and force me to touch him too. It really sucked. That went on for months. 

A couple times he guilted me into sending nude pictures of myself. He would beg for hours upon hours and talk about how depressed and suicidal he was and how happy he’d be if I sent those pictures. And stupidly I did send them. He did a lot worse stuff to me, but imma leave it out cause I can’t bear to type it. 

This shit continued through my sophomore year, and he started becoming more emotionally/verbally abusive. He’d get mad at me for simple things and call me a bitch. One time I was busy at my job, so I couldn’t text him, and he spammed my phone how much of a piece of shit I was for not giving him attention when he needed it. Junior year was when I realized I was gay.  I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore because I don’t feel attracted to him because I like girls, but mostly because of how much he hurt me.  He kept begging me to say, threatening he’d kill himself, but I just had enough. I was done. I was completely broken after him. 

A couple months later I met my now amazing girlfriend. Last May, she convinced me to report to the school counselor the abuse. My counselor was awful. She didn’t really take me seriously, didn’t write anything down, and didn’t tell my parents. She said I could talk to the school police officer, but that it might be too much for me. I insisted that I talk to the officer because clearly she wasn’t going to help. Long story short, I talked to the officer, my parents were informed, and the police started their investigation. The school, however, didn’t do anything for some reason. 

The police finished their investigation and sent it to a prosecutor. The school didn’t even start anything until August, 2 weeks before the next school year. My ex bf probably should have been expelled from the school, but he transferred to a different school before that could even happen. My school never communicated with me or my parents the entire time. They never responded to phone calls or emails. In October, the prosecutor charged my ex bf with 3rd degree Criminal Sexual Conduct. In November, the school completed their investigation and decided there wasn’t enough evidence (even though he had already been charged) to go any further.  

A couple days ago, my ex bf got offered a plea deal in court. He’s going to get charged with a lesser charge, he won’t be labeled a sex offender, nothing will be on his permanent record, and all he has to do is complete this program for juveniles for a few weeks which teaches them how to be better I guess. 

I feel stupid. Everyone tells me that it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help but feel that it is. I only didn’t tell my parents for months because I have a shitty relationship with them and i was scared. But if I just said something, none of this would have ever happened. I could have prevented everything that happened to me, but I didn’t and it sucks. I just feel so hopeless and disappointed and broken. I just wish they could’ve wrapped this shit up sooner instead of me wait for almost a year for nothing from the school and nothing from the police hoping I’d get some justice. I feel like he didn’t get held accountable for anything, and I just have to suffer with the trauma for the rest of my life. My brain has been so fucked from everything that happened that it’s just so hard to be alive anymore. There hasn’t been a day in the past 4 years where I haven’t thought of suicide. He got away with it, and I’m stuck here miserable, traumatized, and empty.

Thank you if anyone takes the time out of their day to read my mess of a post. ",5.3655968497078375,5.899958980728055,5.7571317097956705,81.98266558995394,67.86509635974303,8.773316880194534,29.642071643741154,8.744185296000047,2.146314978405255,3744,129,742,57,59,1201,365,934,0.191,0.738,0.07,-0.9992,8,0,1,0,1,3,102.0,6,1,9,3,42,40,13,5,44,2,86,17,9,9,6,136,149,67,3,22,27,10,11,2,4,10,3,4,2,1,40,48,2,5,13,1,1,10,27,28,0,3,58,17,119,12,102,61,20,97,0,6,2,4,110,33,8,17,53,504,159,23,0.0,0.09858861565700283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036879713297023616,0.0,0.04166070983284105,0.0,0.04591139405576381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056584719152907685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252059835321393,0.029090703063629868,0.0,0.13694721903584786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817724336368269,0.0,0.0,0.12680801552346302,0.045948695127202586,0.07080441228070246,0.0,0.0,0.07359126798560511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046444172785097784,0.08496531061961862,0.0,0.0,0.04273908998279392,0.0,0.0,0.13086399217092778,0.04495948225136573,0.0,0.19930595178967195,0.1381031433347415,0.0,0.13415670053268952,0.042892219960425006,0.035833733904271664,0.0,0.0,0.04346765215634105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042575657003911915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597675391956894,0.0,0.10991702567526752,0.03763348308519597,0.07010685632163194,0.03975470407477117,0.07478254789418158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621834461970693,0.029722129587128037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035388607463992236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846251705222574,0.1086826821839987,0.03991064814563552,0.07093406970889231,0.0,0.1330990792296934,0.0,0.04583184138452608,0.0,0.18395278334235832,0.0885771298347649,0.03726929261211797,0.0,0.0426980280788318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577298817095258,0.08791448203773605,0.0417325182414002,0.041322470349175806,0.08194373569338545,0.0,0.04453827764775695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04128586109474848,0.0,0.04602900824645211,0.0,0.02286464242955439,0.03391306802512563,0.0,0.04405296037772762,0.0,0.04254322891683779,0.08815907017153793,0.040651531725182384,0.0,0.0,0.03681850787660896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035370499208012426,0.0,0.0,0.02777120205288085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413560151741528,0.0,0.0,0.09962449734945547,0.0,0.12233582871017425,0.030849070992697486,0.0962634332473958,0.0,0.044246658965871585,0.0,0.04076339339982545,0.1197613814640202,0.0,0.0,0.04430723562697965,0.05638431856085621,0.03164195486996553,0.0,0.0,0.2309833307606561,0.0450534167698448,0.039716024474161116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984543144947483,0.0,0.04485648623463838,0.0,0.0,0.041823825847627324,0.0,0.0,0.041615571811759934,0.0,0.053305576614389685,0.04277616304896209,0.0,0.08933492456637909,0.0,0.0,0.0791504580880289,0.06617083929404885,0.04165317533797058,0.547375217989209,0.03315325100716445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281186885621492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032029032822422414,0.0,0.0,0.14723873471999302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762698474767396,0.09101673174265863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256253145173947,0.13375988368562566,0.14545601371315606,0.03830366178100027,0.0,0.0,0.08292017085504243,0.0,0.040876026377999086,0.03302917734958863,0.09703923815201468,0.0,0.0,0.03975470407477117,0.0,0.0847397928355118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049078603586583884,0.06604713442493225,0.0667449408606936,0.0,0.0,0.07713523010741304,0.0,0.0,0.04784290682238127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239834939846267,0.1182180413430421,0.0,0.0,0.13395906790702874
suicidewatch,AmpersandMarie,2019/02/12,"I'm tired of being in agony every second of every day and having friends tell me to just be more positive I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Occipital Neuralgia. I've been diagnosed with depression and gen. Anxiety for almost a decade. I'm turning 26 on Valentine's Day and have been in constant, and I do mean constant, pain since May of 2013. I used to be outgoing and was voted Funniest Female all four years of my high school career. That person died when the pain took over. 

Recently my pain management accused me of testing positive for methamphetamine back in September but only told me this past month so I couldn't have the sample retested and prove it was a false positive. it's a constant battle trying to receive the pain medication I need to make my life worthwhile and not be viewed as merely a drug seeker or a young person who just wants attention and isn't really in that much pain.

I've had so many procedures I won't go into naming them all but the one that was supposed to be my saving Grace was a brain surgery in Jan of 2016 and as I'm sure you can guess it was less than effective. I've had brain surgery and almost 90 needles put into my head (countless needles elsewhere for IVs) and yet still doctors look at me and treat me like it can't possibly be this bad. 

the opioid epidemic in this country is so infuriating to me not just for the obvious reasons but because if I were to go through with this I would use my pain medication to try and finally have a pain-free moment as my last. however it would just be insult to injury because I'm guessing I would just be another statistic they would use to twist how bad opiates are when they're only bad because people abuse them. When really I just want them to be out of pain.  

I'm not here to argue the pros and cons of opiate medication. I know addiction is a horrible disease and I would never begrudge anyone their struggles because of something as serious as that. It is just so unbelievably frustrating the reason I feel like ending my life is because I can't control this never-ending pain due to some people  deciding that a few have ruined the system for everyone and because people just want to cash in rather than actually help people. And I don't know if I want to live in this world anymore if that's how it has to be.

I'm sorry for rambling. Mostly I just feel so alone because not many people have the condition that I have on top of everything else. I think if it was just the depression and anxiety I could handle it or even the arthritis depression and anxiety I could handle it but this never-ending electric needle stabbing pain in my skull is driving me up a wall and I don't know if I can take another five years of this.

Sorry if this isn't making as much sense I'm crying and using text to speech on my phone because it's hard for me to see through the tears.

I'm sorry if this is too long. Honestly this is just the tip of the iceberg. I have an amazing support system in my life and I know I'm luckier than most I'm just so tired and it's that kind of tired where no amount of rest, therapy, or anything is ever going to quench it and I don't want to survive if I'm just going to feel like this the rest of my life...

Basically, if they take away my pain medication, I'm 90% sure I'm going to find a way to kill myself. And I honestly hope to God no one else ever has to feel like this because it's so isolating. 


I'm sorry if I've bored you.",6.008249336870026,5.655185103448279,6.91683908045977,77.25822281167112,66.5,10.012024756852345,32.50132625994695,9.59751140882722,2.886161405835544,2736,102,535,50,39,917,282,696,0.202,0.684,0.114,-0.9974,1,1,4,0,1,1,41.0,0,2,6,4,35,41,5,1,28,0,61,30,4,12,9,125,113,61,2,26,35,0,5,4,1,7,26,1,0,2,36,31,0,1,17,0,1,9,16,25,0,5,13,10,57,16,80,80,13,63,0,4,3,0,20,25,0,22,30,364,93,5,0.0,0.05613727382671288,0.0462358159429037,0.05165093727233354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488798113721383,0.04907114746153564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936362926047326,0.10873617142549633,0.0,0.04698799547216802,0.03312903326234273,0.0,0.038989509506700035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451484878328239,0.036432114640590034,0.11868037394750737,0.2599403843569985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578297414634633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360208170685766,0.053140435134344965,0.0756577739146952,0.0,0.05204444697577283,0.06111205747887555,0.0,0.1224243662827886,0.048089464051592964,0.04917271568065492,0.0,0.0,0.04849519704212018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494548522053806,0.0,0.07915942789416876,0.0,0.12589322596382527,0.0,0.0,0.03129388787655642,0.08571541981506871,0.0798389908252641,0.045273395790639576,0.04258187763991336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582653097286704,0.10154434056466853,0.0,0.05190221655878143,0.04330424677467151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03660548884204348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463506133896366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438830538961356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244296302877934,0.0,0.04862530786437305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031757657699338936,0.05005932296134703,0.0,0.04705879715886108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524186899812619,0.049338734163372186,0.1041547188355596,0.0386208320979744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386291657976673,0.09258943957064364,0.0,0.04183720045668112,0.04192960099472436,0.039787069629126745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632527219801288,0.09607129014947273,0.0,0.051610453845491226,0.0,0.19092051418750824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781807632510872,0.0,0.06965915759496806,0.03513149533698223,0.10962658671482636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421150980749292,0.07206889246229413,0.5545695142944634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045229346742653984,0.1642358166133984,0.0827403664005278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341356600015212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762975011754788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607053812643785,0.0974285788407917,0.04678180191524268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047950851577993114,0.037755538357693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919303114592281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036475257796753265,0.0,0.21215107113138407,0.0,0.0,0.03783754146333592,0.0,0.0,0.0495316175380783,0.0,0.0,0.053765995748901736,0.08930973543010295,0.0,0.0712473734618094,0.0,0.04141200288259418,0.0,0.054182890366727285,0.0,0.0,0.030359040245896637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633682097713216,0.0,0.045273395790639576,0.05264066214720033,0.06433550057444386,0.051535578784547835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368361809390272,0.0,0.0,0.13972906456857487,0.0376078520422837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828612801554807,0.0,0.0,0.0610220303961348
suicidewatch,bipolargoat,2019/02/12,"My friend killed himself. Now I want to take my own life. 22 (bipolar) I’m not sure what to do, I had anxiety around calling up. I keep trying to put down what's going in my head but I can't seem to articulate it. I feel unwell but at the same time I feel ambivalent about where I end up. If a car hit me today I wouldn't be fussed. I have been VERY depressed after the funeral. Like gutwrenching pain that hurts all over, just awful pain. The passive suicidal thoughts that was once internalised feel very vivid. Thinking of all the different ways to die, how to tie up the lose ends. What makes it even more painful is that I now know what it feels like to lose someone to suicide and it deters me even more because of guilt, despite very much not wanting to be here. The guilt adds another element that makes living even more difficult. If I wanted to commit suicide before, boom I would disappear into the middle of nowhere and go ahead. Now I'm living in constant existential torchure. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of bipolar disorder I'm tired of feeling like even when I'm at my best I function at the very lowest I possibly can.  I feel like I've never suffered this much. I constantly walk around and I FEEL ill, not an underlining episode that I can dampen down it has taken over every experience that has been happening. I can't see a future, yet I'm driven by guilt to remain in the presence. ",2.509139784946236,4.771015899641579,3.7081003584229393,86.88215053763443,78.17562724014337,6.713978494623658,25.745519713261647,7.793537801064563,1.5333068100358418,1112,43,219,18,27,361,156,279,0.312,0.591,0.097,-0.9978,2,0,0,0,1,3,28.0,0,0,0,5,16,21,1,3,12,1,17,11,1,3,5,41,49,9,6,7,8,0,7,4,1,2,10,1,0,0,16,7,0,1,11,0,0,7,7,14,0,0,7,10,26,7,37,37,10,41,0,6,2,0,3,18,0,3,19,142,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151138995751652,0.06676217619307036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537961793856547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319967131644898,0.0,0.07426130449125191,0.0,0.09158566757735133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911358204772461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861817752268376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516649708139389,0.0,0.09057365543938599,0.09117975697629337,0.10002027671697733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545926368958058,0.0,0.0,0.23056703528823685,0.0,0.07352969167493678,0.0,0.0,0.08536791194286525,0.0,0.0,0.3088883415682421,0.1870395398508008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742545917336605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919638959922887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717357275217898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956535792621352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685110101916289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757059092437486,0.09655257594029176,0.0,0.04796193115234741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616421806004552,0.17054506510195727,0.0,0.15412401476141085,0.0,0.0,0.1952681445567406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116508314965515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830864537112938,0.0,0.06730887617019791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294090608411268,0.0,0.0,0.2785879087413686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838508725256248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773159090556414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954379221897604,0.0794483598090392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394454592426207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28638135726390257,0.0,0.08225200797086757,0.0,0.0656170293379781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055919816765053455,0.0,0.06928352957805323,0.05088849818735038,0.300915980269893,0.08272282765621293,0.0,0.0,0.0592513691880815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28803129074025896,0.15442432219476626,0.06927176149502925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199490739172307,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CausticPrayingMantis,2019/02/12,I'm not doing so good Over the past month my mental health has taken a hit. I don't want to go into too much detail but I've been taking on a lot of responsibilities lately in school and I've gotten really overwhelmed. Whenever I'm with friends I'm happy because they understand me but whenever I'm not with them I feel like absolute shit. I just don't know what to do. My best friend is always a huge support for me and I love him to death and to be honest I think the only reason I'm still alive is because I want to make sure I spend as much time with him as i can before he goes off to college. I'm just not in the best place mentally and I needed to get this off my chest.,1.7308558558558569,3.015365418918922,3.969999999999999,88.56666666666668,77.24324324324324,6.825225225225225,20.44144144144144,7.492282038375204,0.4805117117117113,534,12,121,7,12,185,91,148,0.07200000000000001,0.613,0.315,0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,5,13,1,1,6,0,10,4,2,2,1,26,32,9,1,3,7,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,18,11,21,27,5,15,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,1,6,76,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504689523600444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978735774399221,0.0,0.13810564634537484,0.0,0.3406484144978293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206393501411205,0.1159474045520764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25078570011838003,0.0,0.0847952356983885,0.0,0.09223903077505832,0.13612983573754975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277174364149706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251768564266556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919602944151894,0.0,0.18308186739461876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929175432709523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798195613333214,0.14648240513520838,0.0,0.10833674585408364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327121164577124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954659326157586,0.0,0.23861886782189196,0.1203436551866418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234367319263459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493405152570333,0.0,0.0,0.16956932492760884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397376201581188,0.16687179388288376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425662195293078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665989799491618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961327149034196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417651714246905,0.1529661618772096,0.0,0.12202966686442215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399551274732048,0.0,0.0,0.09463864096997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689603912145479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145790641357904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bpdmandalas,2019/02/12,"I just want this mental illness and cycle of friends to end. I'm sorry i'm a burden. A friend dumped me and because my stupid bpd ass couldn't help but look at their social media, it seems they are doing great while I am struggling everyday with mental illness. I can't take it anymore and I just want to end it all. I'm tired of this cycle of pain. To be given up on because they think you are a burden is the worst feeling ever. I can't sleep. I can't win and i'm so fucking alone. All I wanted was to reach out and not feel so lonely. I'm sorry that was too much for you.",0.12543956043955973,2.0060115317460365,2.3312698412698443,95.61159340659344,84.47619047619048,4.194383394383396,17.62881562881563,4.713530739802397,-0.7186525030525028,447,10,102,1,13,151,77,126,0.317,0.5579999999999999,0.125,-0.9826,0,3,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,2,3,1,6,13,3,1,4,0,12,7,2,0,3,22,28,9,0,4,4,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,3,14,4,13,23,4,9,0,1,1,2,9,4,2,1,5,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295920687793692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656168003004335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360044112671605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103277006316011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958207098658935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105893987953362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688780643240788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580439482268785,0.1543866412219827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411550435659316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193500808767876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023597089196052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365887162474185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276249153186047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769727928993906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202839325543932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711825885954046,0.1702330789150025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738804052824637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745822082412588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556145355832574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700535435046718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193923824765305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954986313028897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icantdrawcircles,2019/02/12,dextromethorphan overdose? Has anyone tried to overdose on dextromethorphan? Can you share your experience please?,11.527999999999999,16.304776466666667,6.026666666666667,60.76000000000002,84.33333333333333,10.0,38.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,6.192333333333334,97,5,9,3,3,25,13,15,0.0,0.721,0.279,0.6174,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963867811158318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545329505976672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6222814419116715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38488509130701065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wasted_cupcake,2019/02/12,I still haven't killed myself and it seems like the longer im alive the more im supposed to. Its like the Universe or God or what ever really wants me to kill myself.  Is suicide my life purpose? ,0.3612195121951203,2.6762851219512207,1.9982439024390253,95.34126829268291,88.02439024390246,4.255609756097561,17.956097560975607,5.6839178017228535,-0.3985941463414635,154,4,33,1,5,50,32,41,0.175,0.5720000000000001,0.253,0.2709,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,4,3,3,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231585633041318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5530931816200292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5664985613416097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083518895297127,0.2501578365032847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401359498042364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330718838646205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044586845965212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280045397209952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100780672695666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pencilpupa,2019/02/12,"Will be dead in 24 hours I'm writing this so i leave something behind.
So i'm scared but everything is ready and there is nothing more i need from this life

I'm 16 i tried getting help but all it did for me, was showing me how worthless i am infront of everyone i know.

So bye, hope you can wish me luck that everything goes well and i hope to everyone who reads this that thier life will be full of joyfull experiences.

See you on the other side then👋🏽",0.9343750000000028,3.0441320208333345,2.65816666666667,93.1035,82.95833333333334,5.923333333333334,23.141666666666666,7.1686216300943375,0.7692866666666669,358,13,80,5,10,118,68,96,0.09,0.6759999999999999,0.233,0.9561,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,1,1,13,20,8,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,11,4,8,14,3,5,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,3,2,51,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885662047038018,0.3654658170599108,0.1988881537834178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622747248687438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628260380090515,0.0,0.0,0.4038896992508188,0.20023143876095825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174057935447734,0.0,0.0,0.21528888238918567,0.0,0.0,0.2872250056441303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076085602002565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509316171336816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337725021245992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356102040775145,0.0,0.16202149176129338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652738479369266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804244661441686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18281110128657768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338105283214503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quiet_____,2019/02/12,"My mental health is just getting worse and worse I need to kill myself. I can't take it anymore. This is goign to be my suicide note. 

I am a piece of garbage and always will be if someoen were to murder me I would be happy. I have always gotten zeros on asignemnts in school, had a bad social life, and wanted to kill myself or run away from home since I was a child. I want to drive to the train station and then when the train comes by i'll get in front. 

here are the reaosns i deserve to die:

\- I am messy

\-I am lazy

\-I am full of shame

\-I always hurt myself all the time

\-I have no future

\-my dad says I am crazy and acting really wierd and only hurting myself and that is true

\-i am in a cycle of self destruction that I cannot stop

\-I have run out of people who can help me

\-I cannot help myself

\-I need to die. 

\-I will never have a career

\-I will never have a job other than workign in a grocery store 

\-I want to die

\-I have always wanted to die

\-I almost jumped off a building at my university four years ago becasue of my bad grades",1.3044117019004915,3.165761896860989,2.732594490711082,94.3849177877429,80.25560538116592,4.965107836856716,17.7939355114243,5.622346879071545,-0.5052799914584667,825,16,183,4,21,268,124,223,0.269,0.6679999999999999,0.063,-0.9955,1,0,0,0,0,8,40.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,4,1,12,0,30,2,0,0,4,25,41,11,8,8,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,6,9,0,1,0,0,1,7,6,9,0,2,4,1,36,2,27,30,3,26,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,3,9,132,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063339789803907,0.0,0.11367926739445115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778488354117696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258666983093724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666082969012998,0.0,0.18957789740083253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779206095258572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712856762155474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186246488714558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084987591331894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067216816443332,0.0,0.0,0.15218733576822752,0.0,0.11387521046192453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306253034682834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265642044582555,0.0,0.25119802122166546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018633184990552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144068796046772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168355258675155,0.17511554031519228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634116564452853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787042029508133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272726415220279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027993718788796,0.0,0.11489374340136528,0.0,0.0,0.1184317282547208,0.0,0.0,0.093909365848844,0.0,0.0,0.11572482631798015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949122993665879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417833765504432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535695587416067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619756087869579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26784083722296304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23138411792262625,0.08064517135333395,0.0,0.0,0.07310662137835236
suicidewatch,suicide581568,2019/02/12,"35 years of BS I turned 35 a few weeks ago and I'm sick of life. I've suffered from major depression since I was 11. No, it doesn't ""get better."" I was going to write a whole post about why I want to die, but you know what never mind. I am just too tired.",-1.6954187192118226,0.0926517241379301,0.8655665024630537,103.61465517241379,92.10344827586206,4.0039408866995085,11.733990147783251,5.288315135182226,-1.6404906403940889,192,2,52,1,7,65,47,58,0.256,0.7240000000000001,0.02,-0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,8,10,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,6,8,3,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716048586465635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366198013837432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304341596865868,0.0,0.27766711222843016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978003301837685,0.0,0.15205069790926662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703448652222542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897334104226568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701418875321095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634544540412494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562319778881512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131410940251656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075010088367437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29100966135485884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578036328320978,0.0,0.21460663856092604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414156985095711,0.2987019014327114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228874516967255
suicidewatch,AceTrainerStorme,2019/02/12,"I'm not worth the air I breath. I'm not worth the air I breath. I'm ugly, dumb, just a terrible fucking person. I can't look at myself without puking. I just want to die. I'm trying so hard to fight the bad thoughts but I have no one",-2.578197064989517,-0.9666943962264121,0.5104402515723301,101.89174004192871,106.16981132075472,3.110272536687632,13.436058700209644,5.033348758259628,-1.322830607966457,179,4,45,1,9,62,34,53,0.399,0.57,0.032,-0.9235,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,4,0,2,3,2,0,0,8,10,2,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,1,2,6,0,4,9,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,0,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003815553105801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733703305029981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325889818584277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222710585377783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021047573139649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378023775034285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141253998409709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856063853388773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442509710929595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219363745398373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34679231820767625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mikkaelz,2019/02/12,"Fucking life. I hate my work. I can't stand it. I hate myself. I'm still living with my parents and I think I have an AvPD. I'm too tired and scared to fix my life. I'm 23 and depressed/suicidal for 6-7 years now. Addicted to weed. Sometimes alcohol. Few times I took an ecstasy at a rave and even at home and my depression and anxiety is much worse since then. My social skills are terrible. I'm LOST. Don't know what to do. I feel detached from the world. I'm high/drunk all the time and only playing videogames and listening to music in my room if I'm not at work. I can't stop my self-destructive behavior. I don't care about my health, well-being. Friends are gone. I'm trapped INSIDE MY HEAD. My life feels like a neverending nightmare for a years. Weed made it all worse too? But without it I feel like I'm dead inside. I just want to die, nothing matters anymore, but it's not that easy. So I'm trapped in this fucking dystopian society. I will kill myself soon I swear. I can't stand a wage slave life and I'm too dumb to change it. Probably I don't want to. I lost literally all my hope. Suicide feels like the only option left and it's like this since high school. Nothing can't save me... I know it.",-0.3521766029246329,1.9054361220472489,1.5954038245219344,96.55010236220473,93.29133858267716,5.107581552305962,20.249268841394827,6.742157984588678,0.3349690888638919,941,33,214,14,35,309,132,254,0.223,0.6659999999999999,0.111,-0.9824,2,2,1,0,0,3,41.0,0,0,0,5,10,20,6,1,9,0,13,11,1,1,3,36,44,15,4,4,7,1,4,4,1,1,8,1,2,0,11,11,1,1,7,1,1,2,10,11,0,0,5,5,31,9,18,38,5,22,0,3,0,2,4,9,3,3,13,112,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260764589813857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103917732618908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902098803255263,0.0,0.10244165614449427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531693076742872,0.0,0.10927323741614266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896850290111195,0.0,0.10720471007179597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822588767749015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089177977651073,0.22138357499644215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798060624479906,0.19099056598938968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396639230521765,0.10601126985961297,0.10979858251313693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827532322250334,0.10361408833780833,0.10259601561375396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428147467550424,0.0,0.11353731719731283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122311658821812,0.0,0.2918434534813507,0.20186039935935304,0.0,0.0912120651277882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255190894239299,0.0,0.0,0.0977409634676353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593428276681495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823017128100992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712218889418025,0.0,0.0,0.11469773810224215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137032039031736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341709465155677,0.1045408428222487,0.0,0.0,0.1077600252382143,0.0,0.0,0.17089467126935634,0.0,0.0,0.10529703812049557,0.0,0.0,0.1021621664781346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249214236508605,0.08635989633759968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259776328006709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618776414050569,0.0,0.0,0.12046519857675282,0.11872330228294338,0.0,0.0,0.11476541096749147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218530532497758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287531044617132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957344462398683,0.0,0.1504011143950328,0.0,0.21053444676106264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303818969639672
suicidewatch,duvet-boa,2019/02/12,"It really feels inevitable I thought that making it back into school would help me not feel like blowing my brains out every day but being on campus makes me physically ill with the anxiety. I can't concentrate anymore, I just keep reliving last spring. I feel so left behind and isolated it's like I can't breathe. 

I went to therapy today and spent the whole session crying, I could barely speak.",4.023142857142858,6.525080800000001,4.793904761904766,79.77600000000002,74.33333333333334,8.019047619047619,26.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.3996285714285714,320,12,55,7,7,103,60,75,0.222,0.754,0.024,-0.9351,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,2,2,0,17,14,4,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,10,2,6,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,35,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350613076516196,0.0,0.21196696273224727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434845982849067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385981303657248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064942207717726,0.0,0.2347770583035058,0.13784092170721068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800803399121694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32421140520110353,0.1526918044765346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326157518267607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997683877968308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422195596423476,0.0,0.0,0.2322229086416768,0.0,0.0,0.208839535392557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853385684566326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692364569728335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163104909515098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444237637226368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169681135232931,0.0,0.0,0.20259509571565792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813380867086924,0.0,0.2386266784427269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183069235866686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lillztubs,2019/02/12,"i cant do it anymore i told my friends, my boyfriend, and my mom that i was tired of living. and they care, but i know that they would get over it. and i’ve been taught all my life that suicide is selfish, but i just can’t hold on anymore. the pain is too much. i’ve never wanted to kill myself more than i do tonight. i don’t know what to do. i’m scared, but i’m also ready. i’ve tried everything to stop feeling this way, or avoid this outcome, but nothing has worked. i think it’s my time. just venting ",0.22627272727272896,2.033759263636366,1.7190909090909088,100.54863636363636,83.63636363636363,4.363636363636363,20.909090909090907,4.851557810540192,-0.4659999999999998,389,12,96,1,11,125,69,110,0.21600000000000005,0.667,0.117,-0.9324,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,1,4,7,1,2,1,0,12,3,0,0,2,21,23,9,2,2,7,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,16,2,7,18,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,61,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265275781222388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034210392045032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737201669258784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827958945274436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284126381634737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714039512488978,0.0,0.10626408791301226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502345730522866,0.0,0.22355819017424652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366200445160085,0.0,0.0,0.17959913714172607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382106167126062,0.0,0.0,0.14951675137811352,0.0,0.1568686891638583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951604081524059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642375937984001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363118562332894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004507949855158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247817658480892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032558041878373,0.0,0.0,0.11859969231965205,0.2337695415486971,0.0,0.19435006957250275,0.0,0.13809002830764153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996605488037157,0.16144334952673034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807202497091926,0.0,0.0,0.1444840622919257,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Samillennia,2019/02/12,"again. almost every single night   
it's becoming a scary world to be alive in ...   
Gender and sexuality are SO IMPORTANT right now and I don't want to be in this gender tug of war but there's NO WAY to opt out of this drama I don't want to live in a society where there's a division so prominent that dudes will stand around and joke about how a lady belongs in the kitchen and have a cashier tell the man in front of me that it's HIS job to carry her groceries... 

​

On top of that just being a freak in general to myself ... a non binary bisexual whatever the hell I am U\_U   


I love life... but I don't love society so ... I don't want to die but I want to shut off the lights   
",1.2653368700265268,2.9167603931034485,3.652413793103449,88.74281167108755,79.55172413793103,7.49602122015915,21.498673740053054,8.384062270229773,1.0708196286472145,527,15,121,11,13,183,87,145,0.14800000000000002,0.677,0.175,0.8061,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,12,6,2,0,11,0,11,4,0,1,0,17,17,11,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,11,3,23,13,1,21,1,0,0,2,6,15,1,1,3,82,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087025436487911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582300440725514,0.2532531367996549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855380052576112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301835371712876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630707530453866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756028557872885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206824709943188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721322371715267,0.0,0.0,0.18403869594037173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762144103122291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558806984973567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798955814592948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216828381437414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917261106855331,0.16543411058650445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532531367996549,0.0
suicidewatch,davefrom1990,2019/02/12,I feel like killing myself tonight by hanging Fuck parents. They kick and scream and tell and when you have no choice but to cry they tell you to stop. I wish and could kill them with a knife if I really wanted to. I really hope they go to hell and I would love to slaughter them. But Im going to hang myself.,1.4498974358974372,3.2687407846153853,2.4319230769230766,96.9222435897436,79.61538461538461,5.564102564102565,18.525641025641026,6.42735559955562,-0.28782051282051313,241,5,56,2,6,76,43,65,0.316,0.513,0.172,-0.9171,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,2,5,0,1,8,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,16,11,9,3,6,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,0,2,14,3,8,9,0,7,1,0,0,2,11,0,2,2,4,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154012762346804,0.0,0.2360024783806872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086345427723919,0.15348878014433906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862522994259685,0.0,0.0,0.2442082489048059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213394385077724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320747130348232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753990662944499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496478721698577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939103834507468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385653394599525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752766387566196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962410005976415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37557648828702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672401171002762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470667313793965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262317344729234,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BunchOfFuckingScotts,2019/02/12,Need support Today's been the toughest day I've had in a long time..basically since I've gotten on my current meds. I could really use some comfort tonight..please,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,85.25,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.6513499999999994,132,6,24,2,4,43,29,32,0.045,0.765,0.19,0.6326,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263345507560203,0.0,0.0,0.2127155606371453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918925970040408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663710755042099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445676364017235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36205854364586093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130002395693395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728419869076045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742915686612371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232878292088693,0.0,0.31264394371238385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848705642253689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flowerant,2019/02/12,"Drinking Almost every night I drink to stop feeling everything and be able to fall asleep. 
The only comfortable way I can sleep is next to someone. Nothing sexual. Just the presence of having another soul there comforts me. It’s been almost 2 years since I’ve done that. I hate being alone. I hate not being near another body. For the past 6+ months I’ve been drinking to drown out my feelings and be able to fall asleep and to stop feeling alone. I’m getting to a point where I drink until I hope I just dont wake up the next day. ",2.9302777777777784,4.654119620370373,3.9492592592592617,88.12166666666668,75.01851851851852,6.651851851851853,24.962962962962962,7.3871296695380915,1.1349185185185189,421,14,85,5,9,136,71,108,0.173,0.718,0.109,-0.802,0,2,4,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,5,0,11,9,5,0,0,15,19,4,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,3,4,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,3,9,3,13,12,0,18,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,10,48,11,0,0.256722737589185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570707381729557,0.2658873326156917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26919617443010324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258054373159346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278246380142094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135824639221969,0.1504385682416715,0.5029810949408919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814998938988454,0.0,0.11536292148374006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947100946704144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706351727505355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534605538967936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274918022090297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245681993295216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730275438820567,0.12045844917613302,0.0,0.12316619528367215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762460515309322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253545090606438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134298357190168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618185071667192,0.0,0.12845406984000826,0.0,0.1087601712312722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146317039077987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188727981923047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266051301092907
suicidewatch,NessnajNayr,2019/02/12,"Ok life is not going good 16m. Im sick of the bs. Everyday, i go to school, im fucking ignored by everyone unless i start talking. My fake friends never asked to hang out. I am overwhelmed with the work. I have an insane sex drive and want at least someone to talk to but keep getting rejected. Terrible anxiety, a slightly overweight, cant lose that weight, and overall depressed. Just the surface. Help.",1.6723076923076905,4.377655205128208,3.0340512820512835,87.2026153846154,86.69230769230771,5.684102564102564,29.594871794871803,7.1686216300943375,2.064801025641026,318,17,58,5,10,103,65,78,0.297,0.574,0.129,-0.9479,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,1,11,1,1,5,1,4,6,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,8,0,0,0,1,5,3,10,12,1,10,0,4,0,2,5,3,1,0,3,32,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209210033223898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980846734210371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824969777993079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246601613812573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637024871938032,0.19588506013181026,0.11070161480067277,0.0,0.24083923042015826,0.1777198036491039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420226233083409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577461698197856,0.0,0.0,0.18833388490188133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966124671688094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370460752181609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634194349488926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144397989124128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953019869087822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499738998630537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34061165086264816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249757679884725,0.0,0.0,0.2580198909412962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425542714397197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeoWolf1447,2019/02/12,"Well I'm Sure This Time It's time. I have all my notes written. I paid a few past due bills.

About to double down on my medication and take it all with some vodka. 

I'm pretty sure it'll work. Lots of benzos, alcohol, etc. 

Should be peaceful and I'm ready. 

The pain of messing up my life is too much to bear. Lost my driver's license because cops being dicks. I was tired and fell asleep at the wheel but now they're saying my psychiatric meds were to blame and they're trying to put me in court and yanked my license.

Besides, the voices encourage me to die anyways. 

Time to lay this beat up dog down. ",0.4462666666666664,2.7569621600000005,1.914400000000004,96.17986666666668,87.4,4.613333333333334,17.933333333333334,6.079149491110277,-0.33798666666666666,470,12,104,4,15,151,87,125,0.109,0.774,0.117,-0.2382,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,4,0,8,7,2,0,4,14,15,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,1,0,5,2,11,4,17,6,8,15,0,1,0,1,2,7,1,2,6,62,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788568307612124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428333679857093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211595219396974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273800587470409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400645159993591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22255907027268004,0.1733314588851688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264646841858965,0.20538761957569615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987523599509422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169426616952776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462649997504092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741922471439828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495568093894145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213353454586488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843089160530709,0.0,0.1532923635641361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35665214856899385,0.2343300324889524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842111596471302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833125771923509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842704568042497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ABigMoo,2019/02/12,"I was really close to doing it. My girlfriend just broke up with me without as much as 2 days of showing signs. It was going to be 7 years on the 26th. Very suddenly on Saturday she became short with me over text because she was busy studying for optometry board exams and blocked all communication from me. I couldn't believe it. I thought things would be back to normal the next day. No responses the whole day. Something inside me died. I had no will to live. She was a half of me for 1/4 of my life and she instantly decided I didn't matter anymore. I sat in the car and let the heat melt the snow off. A nice neighbor motioned to roll down my window and asked me if I needed a spare brush. I told him, ""no, thank you. just sitting, thinking."" He looked really concerned. He knew. He didn't want to assume anything and went about his business. I drove to Meijer (grocery store) and walked to the sports section. I have a 12 gauge shotgun in my closet for self-defense and I know it's the quickest way to make it happen. I stood there staring at the Winchester 12ga slugs for 10 minutes. And I went home. The shotgun is still lying against the closet wall. She's not worth my life.

​

If she doesn't love you anymore, then it's for a reason. Half of the problem is you and half of the problem is her. Don't take it out on yourself. It's not your fault.",1.426593673965936,3.7924188613138727,2.7004671532846736,91.96904622871048,83.01459854014598,5.1131873479318735,23.366909975669106,6.42735559955562,0.5907794647201947,1064,39,219,10,30,342,163,274,0.109,0.862,0.028,-0.955,0,0,1,2,0,0,41.0,0,4,0,0,6,7,0,0,18,0,20,3,0,2,1,39,40,14,1,9,7,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,5,0,9,13,0,1,7,2,2,7,11,4,0,3,15,3,37,3,38,19,4,34,0,1,2,1,21,15,0,3,10,151,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522223694873966,0.17407667793416645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841510086799755,0.0,0.0,0.1178908393828864,0.0,0.1339288362161453,0.0,0.0,0.11015815868970194,0.0,0.0873300151447451,0.0,0.0,0.16140505215838735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771727001859998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868134530731295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814180049579198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668441572002814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370154106604946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873199345520507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649313808267775,0.20237766257508485,0.0,0.0,0.12650127538589973,0.0,0.12030238632155835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929781554872233,0.0,0.09562721590801652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105312642598958,0.1062255341617232,0.0,0.0,0.15235872045008775,0.0,0.14036446151541915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27416109794295224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835521514084685,0.14729522228856065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494515074201282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028860872505916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440768503463487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771375130783993,0.0,0.0,0.13189463416904507,0.0,0.0,0.09517563153353194,0.09179527474775112,0.0,0.11373250130329285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689114582359546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820456950233978,0.08449850699119009,0.11371318338565768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656070590516966,0.0,0.15994476333348304,0.0,0.13809760498081422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176785057960064,0.0,0.17407667793416645,0.09225479462638687
suicidewatch,urboiz123,2019/02/12,"I'm failing highschool and I'm done with my life So I live in New Jersey right now freshman in highschool. Well at first marking period I did decently good but the problem starts in second marking period. I started to just not do any work. Didn't do any homework and just couldn't fix my laziness. So I started to fail classes. I really want to die I dont want any help I just wanna die, we live in a basement single parent under some strangers house cause we are poor, at least if I'm smart  my mom works really hard we never owned a house and I'm weak, easily targeted in school wtf what am I suppose to do? I fucking cant do this shit I'm fucking done I'm losing my fucking mind and my dream is to become a fucking rapper? Fuck that if I fail or cant go to college that's a fucking suicide for me nope I'm fucking done I dont have any talent why am i even here why did my mom have birth to me now I'm blaming her I dont fucking care I'm losing my mind im so done I dont want advice I'm just gonna fucking die I'm so done with this shit hope yall fucking have a good life and I'm here fucking In basement cause we cant own a fucking house good for you fuckers yall have a fucking good life",-0.8561676249447174,1.2178887481203056,1.8341088014153044,95.84750110570543,91.96992481203009,4.182043343653252,20.605484298982752,5.7212163849143,-0.04292091994692582,941,34,215,7,34,324,117,266,0.312,0.5820000000000001,0.106,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,1,3,10.0,4,3,0,8,14,32,16,0,8,0,28,20,2,2,1,33,63,13,4,9,9,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,5,11,0,0,0,1,1,1,12,23,1,2,8,1,31,9,21,53,5,22,0,5,0,14,12,10,16,5,11,126,36,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701596944838357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871172165743835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443962805439081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948860956108264,0.11987679102747364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166478345215364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985459645707281,0.27352878831981303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853761370018685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962989038164082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7012306599405231,0.0,0.0,0.03315991930979517,0.19575463145189215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522674114493695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910873424445088,0.0,0.0,0.05795169182101637,0.0,0.2019736578528437,0.0,0.0,0.06302472412451879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363654018352327,0.0,0.0,0.10304286101214699,0.0,0.0,0.1305506368414294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782758403524014,0.13667049775503728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500076891214009,0.056351853023004925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478738897709886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055830156304934236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475710726380383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982798103390925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905023377079464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197846223185208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389482583941805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382209901702884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324363788111232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246092001292298,0.0,0.10529810376105267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495455675171376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newaccountanon1234,2019/02/12,I want to talk someone. I think I’m going to go through with it soon. I have no one to talk to. And I’m too scared to call the suicide hotline or any family members. I just want someone to hear what I say.,-0.7545652173913027,1.0513744130434794,1.8501739130434809,98.18395652173916,87.47826086956522,4.549565217391304,22.243478260869566,5.6839178017228535,0.003239999999999909,157,6,39,1,5,54,31,46,0.208,0.736,0.056,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,8,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727042340877164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25932564682230314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394146643176717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886671964491415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28623589431060964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720925843123159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019623723560149,0.25426227616774905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303657592962932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27779540448554585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082532989368197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272988156862486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299589103539098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FundiesForAll,2019/02/12,"Would anyone really miss me? I feel like I'm really lost and just in autopilot mode the past couple days. I dont really talk to my family except my little sister. My boyfriend is more like a roommate with how little he notices me anymore. I dont have many friends, especially ones that we actively try and keep in touch with each other. My job feels like it's too much anymore. I feel so lost and useless and just want it all to end and the feeling is stronger than it has been in years. I don't know what to do anymore...",2.562107995846312,4.240816467289722,4.044797507788164,87.23880581516096,75.9158878504673,7.372377985462098,24.038421599169265,8.167268648758528,1.3262801661474557,410,13,86,7,9,136,71,107,0.113,0.7509999999999999,0.136,0.1289,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,22,21,7,0,2,3,1,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,5,12,4,10,17,4,9,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285863702440961,0.10072538721805767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939218975442024,0.0,0.0929024340147112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33765869044114194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758842908696874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358005909872347,0.0,0.2913506217211807,0.2058233522277206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129518959166833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429506305263078,0.12804115432819013,0.0,0.0,0.07916790313667751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113143596443726,0.2887584168116978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145022952402113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604739329721858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589571942040862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400558871746987,0.0,0.0,0.0976142155733775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375151344803068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768526168114007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578455193234395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780270610242038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496634370725625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233130120981401,0.0,0.0,0.0927655750140672
suicidewatch,battenburgers,2019/02/12,"Living for other people I'm a 26yo guy living in Britain. On paper, everything is okay for me. I've got a little debt and I've had several bereavements, but if I'm honest nothing that's out of the norm. I had an abusive father- used to beat the crap out of me and my brothers, but nothing sexual/paedophilia related.

I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for about 8 years now. 8 years and 3 years ago they were strong enough to cause me to make attempts on my life. I tried overdosing and also jumped from a bridge. 3 years ago I lost my brother to. AIDS and I saw the impact it had on my family. I'd never want them to go through anything like that again. 

Recently I've started having thoughts again. I don't want these thoughts, because I know that it would hurt people if I tried to kill myself. But I feel absolutely worthless. I have very few friends and I've distanced myself from family because they remind me of when my father used to beat me and my brothers.

I've recently lost my job and I'm about to lose my house. I'm not looking for reasons to stay alive. I have people that care about me and I want to live for them because I don't want to hurt them. I'm looking for ways to get past these suicidal feelings. I've tried counselling and I'm on antidepressants but I still get urges to OD or slice my throat open. If anyone has coping mechanisms that get them through, even if it's just day by day, I really want to hear from you. I just want to not want to die. ",2.3319634535197444,4.236182274834436,3.5417586460632826,89.59197081187149,77.2450331125828,6.725729703213147,24.761344125582532,7.662118739084242,1.1924146185921023,1165,41,245,17,27,378,145,302,0.199,0.71,0.092,-0.9863,2,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,1,6,7,12,15,2,1,7,1,12,3,2,5,1,47,47,21,5,12,13,5,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,11,14,0,0,7,0,1,2,5,9,0,0,11,6,39,6,42,35,2,31,0,6,3,0,15,9,1,5,19,144,50,2,0.0,0.10964479549942233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406229443763387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740042232974352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470613603994857,0.0,0.07615255435597325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923461805931225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435072134881686,0.09506409537787214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936131892517672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604193412739416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561858170330938,0.0,0.06112181270502201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831690060372693,0.0,0.1744769964637098,0.0,0.09358203271833422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149619254101316,0.0,0.14504502836942074,0.0,0.052592627896862164,0.0,0.07401271042324725,0.0,0.0,0.09162917231034333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429933200155432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677876236855027,0.19813201806482333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183169408728199,0.0,0.1023818249722017,0.0,0.05085757674248937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536375527716014,0.045210381067251545,0.09274941460611337,0.2451436082825049,0.0,0.15542062574941115,0.1035286153888728,0.2020367343600628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061771184219787174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137257097515794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177589296584848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833992347898705,0.1924668010973606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928350862738169,0.09514655659779003,0.1827442180368386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045438859973512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550030487955474,0.09863535212681183,0.07390258224428115,0.0,0.0,0.0967429250747462,0.0,0.2024475315419592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039932533037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848580425225064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984973627247476,0.0,0.07635521089909264,0.3820775241087565,0.07345396320949524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657377775365862,0.0,0.0,0.23837096416178105
suicidewatch,awaythrowith,2019/02/12,"Melatonin If I take a fuck ton of melatonin in addition to a bunch of tylenol, will I pass out quicker?",1.9871428571428569,4.0607850952380975,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.0,6.104761904761905,34.3095238095238,7.1686216300943375,2.2429809523809516,81,5,17,1,2,26,17,21,0.179,0.821,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7758131136945011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6309627664289256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RHCPlover,2019/02/12,*sigh* what’s the point? My meds aren’t working anymore. I am getting severely depressed and it’s frustrating. I went to see a doctor who just upped my dose of anti depressants that don’t work for me. WTG doctor. i hate everyone and everything. My mom told me I should get friends and I told her no. I don’t want anyone to have to care about me.  I’m not worth it. I’m not worth anything. I’m just an ugly POS. Nobody would ever love me. I don’t want to be on this earth anymore. I don’t have friends or a boyfriend to begin with so why start now?,-1.1112820512820498,0.9554847521367548,1.16551282051282,98.28365384615387,98.91452991452992,4.309401709401709,18.46581196581197,6.139981653823899,-0.1482854700854701,424,14,98,5,18,141,75,117,0.212,0.63,0.158,-0.7148,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,2,0,4,0,11,4,0,0,1,14,27,5,0,4,5,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,4,1,0,3,1,16,4,11,21,0,8,0,2,1,1,8,3,0,1,4,60,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289416083980571,0.11596065523206432,0.0,0.13647392103991673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908707796231154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856791225610407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394928418273231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001367782960706,0.0,0.1584692375080762,0.14904818963578662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562583965308989,0.0,0.1732913090600586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637347434362845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967897388973542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421319126765884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423226798842447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677439331272558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215468534586122,0.0,0.0,0.1873543725941932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738389489126393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169384750161524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563593967896611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373729203393785,0.1496467038925078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24147005396017898,0.0,0.0,0.11780947253496785,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,66Xeno,2019/02/12,"Feeling worthless and hating my life  So a bit of backstory; my college friends and I are very close & we have a group chat on Facebook to talk amongst each other. But ever since yesterday, I've felt like I'm just an extra in my friend group.

Yesterday, I was having a really rough day, but I was looking forward to talking to my friends during lunch. But after class, I found out that they all are going to do shopping and they just leave without inviting me, leaving me all alone for the several hours break between class. Then later, I posted in the chat that I was going to talk to the dean about one of our professors being extremely unprofessional. A few minutes after sending that, one of my friends sent me several paragraphs attacking me for daring to do what I feel is right and it took like an hour trying to get her to understand my point of view.

Then, today, I was waiting for my friends to come back from the washroom when I looked over and saw they had another chat window open. I didn't see anything they were posting, but I saw that it was another group chat that they made with all of the members of our friend group, except for me. I'm sure I'm overthinking it, but I can't help but feel like they're using that to talk about me behind my back.

On top of everything else, I can't even relax when I get home because my dad has been very verbally abusive lately. So I've just been fighting off my want to just end myself since it feels like no one would care if I was gone. Part of me wants to ask them about the second group chat, but I don't want to appear needy and make them hate me even more.",7.8810256410256425,5.900737,7.637230769230772,78.89810256410256,63.615384615384606,10.635897435897435,34.8974358974359,9.029198982220553,2.7902512820512806,1275,43,261,16,15,407,170,325,0.127,0.736,0.13699999999999998,0.1541,0,1,0,0,2,0,29.0,3,0,7,1,16,18,4,0,12,0,24,2,0,3,5,48,59,20,0,5,14,1,6,4,6,1,1,0,2,0,12,13,1,1,7,7,1,9,6,5,0,4,19,12,46,13,44,38,9,42,0,1,6,0,37,13,0,2,23,180,58,5,0.0,0.10820834986140453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458791869746452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895348764548886,0.0,0.0,0.19153004101527749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515488726169582,0.0,0.08537903911451551,0.10389840424027556,0.0,0.14045067522833085,0.0,0.055672497346882614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970615730231844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311464186590103,0.0,0.0,0.07867069730896664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058898789036649975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629254579445617,0.0,0.08088920433581932,0.0,0.0,0.12064212374554725,0.08261110224640582,0.0,0.0,0.0820794171024152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471204749851108,0.1304890052693018,0.08768888117653488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013607155182752,0.4233571678982457,0.0,0.09542987185098276,0.0,0.1038072341449952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803343245362969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121500922393501,0.0,0.09160909511446452,0.0,0.17987870834314698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302158487920283,0.19340562263570615,0.0,0.0,0.06450743117418131,0.17847233731831255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338447547981707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864164455097439,0.0609619260354516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856579696003664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889896215287304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633416381062631,0.0,0.17493331691211858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058506841235315264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799332751439296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727763253418072,0.0,0.0,0.2063485337419736,0.0,0.15109437766637168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607524411749595,0.0,0.0,0.2936228730836603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656794843379394,0.0,0.1014683969895548,0.062005490114798924,0.0,0.0,0.0950753208520337,0.0,0.07887778033165434,0.0,0.15070977764291374,0.16160227037011934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803661071353708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487655340492267,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blupjase,2019/02/12,"Tired of being alive There are multiple reasons I've wanted to end my life for quite some time, and I'll do my best to not go on a tangent.

I'm ugly as hell. This isn't body dysmorphia, this is a straight fact. I am far from the only person who finds myself unpleasant to look at - plenty of people have made their opinion clear to me in the past.

I am extraordinarily awkward and incapable of understanding relationships and conversation. I cannot approach people and never have been able to.

I've recently been convinced my dad is a literal sociopath, which has sent me into a recent downward spiral while trying to admit the fact that he never truly loved me. I cannot stand to witness him abuse my mom anymore, and yet there is no method for her or I to escape.

I'm incredibly stupid, and guaranteed to hold little more than a minimum wage earning job for the rest of my life because of it- assuming I even earn that, because I can't do job interviews for the life of me without crying.

I am highly dependent on others. I feel mentally stunted and below others my age- basic concepts that I should be able to grasp go completely over my head, and no amount of explanations manage to help.

I am just bored of being alive. A few years back, I relied on music to keep me happy, but as of late I find that less and less of it manages to keep my interest. I don't have any hobbies and can't pick any up because I cannot handle failure and don't have any money.

There is nothing for me.",7.149369369369371,6.0603297027027025,7.932351351351353,73.3387747747748,64.47297297297297,10.596036036036038,33.92252252252253,9.725611199111238,3.1086363063063063,1176,42,223,20,15,397,168,296,0.08800000000000001,0.816,0.095,0.4692,3,0,1,0,1,1,27.0,0,0,1,4,7,9,2,1,11,0,30,7,2,4,5,40,44,16,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,12,12,0,3,8,0,2,4,14,4,0,0,4,2,33,5,42,36,8,32,1,0,1,1,15,14,1,5,13,161,45,8,0.2438486548872135,0.14446039080710954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24873817087497446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091617077995813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375228186454364,0.0,0.2229718150467888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795205951883276,0.0,0.0,0.1354304419177449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278353376172187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392814857144753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798876505736718,0.0,0.0,0.08052986838078383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164860337162791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287325287605145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385848100668605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979071373737586,0.0,0.0,0.12512953512645958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817233066309296,0.12881974605425814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198216351085425,0.2167438886326603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753595200628524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583562746124665,0.0,0.12220020676859553,0.0,0.0,0.10238572762609488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004146576141714,0.1153677466340476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287104515529393,0.0,0.0,0.14279629871965846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880711154417504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698968049943605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272894514147613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639056657013752,0.16905395388977024,0.10645961988321563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296815301983898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535851508008822,0.2407711285802019,0.1309010987686599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109505582183558,0.1401340786033018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277861501116103,0.0,0.0,0.12692752476114555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191412727663668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753070077586583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851526942758501
suicidewatch,twinnpeaks,2019/02/12,"tired i'm not sure what to expect from this. i am not a huge reddit user, so i never really know how to do posts or anything. sorry if this gets too long. 

i am an 18 year old female, diagnosed with BPD, depression, anxiety. i have multiple previous suicide attempts and hospitalizations, but have been doing better the past two years.

my last 3 years of highschool were wonderful! i was in alternative schooling, due to my mental health issues, where i had 60 other students in my entire one hallway building and 9 teachers who treated you like their own kids. it was a great place, helped me a huge amount. i likely would never have graduated, or even survived, if i had not been sent there. the problem is, it did not prepare me for what i needed. we had no homework, didn't start until 9am, and the classes were so laid back. the teachers made sure every single student was successful. college is not so kind to me.

i'm on my second semester of college, going for nursing. it is killing me. i knew college would be hard, but i thought since i did so well in highschool i would be okay. i have a 3.6 GPA right now and can already tell i am going to completely fail one of my current classes and further ruin it. to make matters worse, this is not what i want to be spending the rest of my life doing. my family, however, does not approve of me changing my studies to what i actually want. it makes it impossible for me to care enough to listen in classes, study, etc. it feels like no matter what i do, i can't get the grades i'll need. 

i don't know what to do anymore. i am so stressed out and exhausted, emotionally and physically. i wont be able to finish college. i can't find a job anymore. i am stuck going downhill and have very little potential to ever do anything good with my life. i truly am a worthless human being and will likely never have a husband, kids, home, successful career. 

i am at the point where it feels like the only option is to kill myself. i am tired and there isnt much more i can do. i do not know when or how, but it probably needs to be soon. i can't take much more of this. i just need to work up the courage to try again, i am afraid of what comes after death. ",3.5044032158317866,4.771271099773244,4.953790970933832,83.34846011131728,72.69614512471655,7.43162234590806,27.87610801896516,7.898369717300924,1.7297628117913837,1709,64,340,23,33,573,225,441,0.174,0.6970000000000001,0.129,-0.9538,3,0,0,0,0,2,60.0,1,1,1,8,21,28,2,2,17,1,59,7,0,5,6,66,90,27,4,13,17,1,3,5,0,5,7,1,2,3,22,15,0,0,9,0,1,5,20,10,1,4,18,4,51,18,40,61,10,45,0,4,0,0,12,17,0,7,27,254,73,22,0.09003765012325207,0.0,0.08786375843311862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993587858390114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688785559004021,0.0,0.1785863101679162,0.0,0.0,0.1481866286929132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692333952523182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963098470198901,0.0,0.0,0.11339926841287196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179938499547496,0.0,0.09524789526404204,0.07755946310279482,0.09440276311625027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754929611769587,0.09138631959745508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879255437587489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128023765226528,0.0,0.09303296115831387,0.10041578026536536,0.059469018741105675,0.08144420928923231,0.07586060352084732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487948339054784,0.0,0.09105148246200688,0.12864583047684885,0.0,0.0,0.08229278104308804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940819120448693,0.0,0.15351141445051644,0.07551930911600767,0.0,0.0992668271217132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065604931362333,0.0,0.0,0.09570581173068272,0.0,0.0,0.060350338965406536,0.0,0.09031510429488604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397591421278233,0.08934847471000065,0.0,0.1992266393473701,0.0937603572364714,0.14844701345929578,0.07339270201553072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719251002341753,0.21993923936421494,0.09024137916289812,0.0,0.0796804870394625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519580156592486,0.1202016612221642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073677424292212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323760654107845,0.2670471068138769,0.2083277592603444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447936784136053,0.0,0.1220236838324317,0.0684776901706359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595112501511384,0.0,0.0,0.09407018084183677,0.0,0.08511468210690085,0.0,0.08623118011277986,0.0,0.09707581529466694,0.08615387131769646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768042421475155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689166124789508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112290880545704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448007460535773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078977782199294,0.06372911217847974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313782401071987,0.0,0.0,0.09848657553287968,0.0,0.16971883937868898,0.0,0.06769710756887168,0.0,0.07869687477779494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147983689474806,0.0,0.20697006748656044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112965420711136,0.0,0.08795370118816273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429049085722103,0.10621307767553907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095466054788537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764199080965563,0.06554848163296495,0.0,0.09175605760724152,0.19188049002352334,0.0,0.0,0.17394388403717514
suicidewatch,Idkuydkme,2019/02/12,Idk I come from a very abusive family. The males a the worst the females are emotionally abusive but the men are physical and sexually abusive. I keep seeing posts on social media about men being threats to women and how men are abusers. It just feels like I'm being placed in the same group and told I'm the same as the people who abused me. It makes me want to kill my self is that the answer?,4.9978750000000005,5.3549080375,5.695000000000004,82.73000000000002,68.625,8.4,27.25,8.238735603445708,1.6108249999999995,313,9,64,4,5,102,55,80,0.341,0.613,0.046,-0.9866,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,10,0,6,0,0,2,0,14,15,6,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,1,7,12,3,5,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0,1,41,9,0,0.0,0.8493509566079629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350069491304415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127212890108691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351566238757925,0.0,0.07249225888797763,0.10242366840845238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743398250589516,0.15861783604652116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004341653094323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957006927121486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939481449026252,0.0,0.14979129869897118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730897869916314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142474524870718,0.0,0.14956634103766772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461478194624754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699632847284013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829539400160362,0.08456343286180852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blanknut,2019/02/12,"Always thinking about committing suicide I always think about jumping in front of trains, cars or other vehicles. Everytime I stand at the edge of a road or the train tracks I just get this feeling of wanting to jump.",5.842916666666667,7.7044981250000015,5.540000000000003,79.09166666666668,67.75,8.333333333333334,33.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.028833333333334,175,8,29,3,3,54,32,40,0.111,0.816,0.07200000000000001,-0.5537,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,5,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,8,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6535058538831264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855792253011664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051664453797918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295435792179189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032450115878871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316211387067197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TiredOfBeingMediocre,2019/02/12,"Not cut out for this I accept defeat

but I don’t have the courage to take my own life

I wish there was an easy way to do it

Guns are too messy and hanging myself sounds really unpleasant 

I wish I could go to sleep right now and never wake up",2.07990566037736,3.0449048679245294,3.38127358490566,94.42021226415095,75.79245283018868,6.809433962264151,18.910377358490567,7.1686216300943375,-0.03337358490566045,190,3,46,2,4,62,44,53,0.14800000000000002,0.5710000000000001,0.281,0.8324,0,0,0,1,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,0,6,3,2,0,1,10,10,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,7,2,6,8,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24430905072548365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390183362876166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613061278951567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599925426277146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602577902107995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26131478749576914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062121534249484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300672789654704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428815482367814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7037494893514423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CRACKpng,2019/02/12,"So this I'll be killing myself, tonight, thanks for the support.",4.587500000000002,6.7229560833333375,2.8566666666666656,95.955,71.5,4.800000000000002,37.0,3.1291,1.6489000000000005,51,3,10,0,1,14,12,12,0.244,0.444,0.311,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036197652224995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6191344679256078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502310351933154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caesar2281,2019/02/12,"I now hate van drivers So Ive had depression for a couple years now (among other things) and I gave up hope so I decided if I cross the road at the correct time, I'll get hit by a car or something but it will look like an accident so no-one will know. When I try that, this responsible-ass van driver stops before he hits me, like wtf? What do I do know, I know that if I leave it alone I'll probably try again but no-one ""in the real world"" knows about it and I can't just tell them. ",0.8453790238837016,2.097693205607481,2.9419937694704075,95.14534787123571,79.56074766355141,6.6247144340602295,19.365524402907575,7.3871296695380915,0.11403717549325032,371,8,94,5,9,126,74,107,0.185,0.736,0.079,-0.8868,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,9,5,1,0,6,0,7,0,0,0,1,17,18,11,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,12,3,7,12,0,15,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,4,9,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512984013082668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496592196766765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405158512087573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872205252653196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356689146651518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460794471443115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589752897927966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778436293689828,0.0,0.0,0.23016352143049476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239207565587187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253611517644885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23436170332794876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474147313148818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167342101852223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173111412423104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899910246803103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441101769302792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675023754642056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29516002189299523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399792001838626
suicidewatch,susboy29,2019/02/12,"How to make suicide look like an accident Want to die, but don't want to hurt my family after I'm gone. What's the best way to kill myself and make it look like an accident?",4.926842105263155,3.6856480000000014,6.414736842105262,82.91315789473686,69.0,10.757894736842106,26.894736842105264,10.125756701596842,2.099694736842104,136,3,32,3,2,47,29,38,0.327,0.407,0.265,-0.5674,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,9,3,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,3,5,8,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783649078551942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752890044634857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25005534871133794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839570365849653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934612982113313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591768045593438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454886266544231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541146471673451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29014190478687835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129042156590101,0.2105441606269336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadfacegirl95,2019/02/12,"Thoughts of suicide I (23F) don’t know really, I’ve been touched by the darkness from a very young age - maybe 11 or 12 and I’ve been fighting the urge to end it all for just as long. I think I’m finally at the end of my rope so to speak, my world has completely crumbled in more ways than one and I don’t think there’s much reason left for me to continue to pretend I want to be alive. I wish I could say that things get better but they’ve only gotten progressively worse... ",3.0853748231966067,3.7468570000000017,4.173776520509197,90.83752475247526,73.05940594059406,7.751626591230551,25.319660537482317,7.957251820313856,1.0912195190947678,371,11,87,5,7,121,76,101,0.077,0.85,0.073,-0.1154,0,0,0,0,2,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,16,6,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,3,9,1,15,10,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850383634583634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347184422819166,0.0,0.0,0.17017388768760072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775552039539377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334829988883948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135616002728167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713544100068672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315757925966153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886210191303612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412644550377904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668144921029067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442828136275854,0.16210156573568044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365420920917528,0.21914205474653944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949642807611226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331391152073508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415998640824722,0.2731413118727828,0.0,0.16920829908685162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586172747970122,0.12571471197339926,0.16917955838434806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450989560261237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720651743369132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FUKYOUFUKMEFUKTHIS,2019/02/12,"Suicide shouldn’t be surprising Why is it when someone kills themselves people say “they looked so happy” “they had so much going for them” “they were so successful” so fucking what? Everyone goes through shit and just cus they don’t show it doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering. Suicide shouldn’t even be surprising at this point and I believe if there were more easier painless ways to end it all, than more people would. I know I would. It just shouldn’t be surprising because life is shit and it’s pointless as fuck. I don’t know how long I’ll last but I ain’t living past 60. ",1.7293233082706791,4.394540228070181,2.2839598997493766,93.19105263157898,85.31578947368422,5.713283208020051,22.177944862155385,7.1686216300943375,0.8273629072681707,462,16,93,7,14,142,73,114,0.14400000000000002,0.733,0.123,-0.5284,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,6,1,10,11,5,0,0,0,18,5,2,1,1,17,25,12,3,6,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,2,11,5,6,14,4,9,0,1,1,2,7,2,4,1,5,61,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488185895346924,0.0,0.0,0.1938447152081132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238781309103255,0.0,0.0,0.11363932650342998,0.0,0.0,0.16440393173472445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31812029167198336,0.0,0.0,0.09778163553637303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315352541957436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035105670347868,0.0,0.18911156305212573,0.14024608785997894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152606080711327,0.0,0.0,0.15192587451711048,0.15226141399859672,0.14448111446025189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741606152208667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647868786892866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424397384882847,0.23855965307102875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264561539664513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368233822803377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532196858799909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457798750273266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37639592346088696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365675940996579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525099305041168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444429062057633,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Retina_rae,2019/02/12,"When Does It Get Better? My birthday just passed and things were starting to look up. I was going on interviews every week for very promising positions that I was qualified for and did really well during the interviews, I was happy. I was hiking and feeling emotionally stable. I've been depressed since October, the darkest I've ever felt (probably because I suffered an injury that really knocked me off my usually active routine) and I can't seem to really shake it. This week just isn't starting off well. I've lost all feeling, I'm following up with the jobs but not getting any responses, I'm frantic. Googling ways to disappear in Tijuana, where to park my car. I'm thinking if I just go there something will happen to me, that way I don't have to do it myself. Maybe I'll get picked up and sold into sex trafficking or murdered by some crazed person.  I'm pretty disturbed, crying uncontrollably, having break downs throughout the day, can't focus, don't see the point of trying so hard like I always have done. I feel mentally burned out. The only pleasure I have is when I'm eating something I shouldn't be or having sex. I just don't know how I'd leave my family behind. They're all pretty awesome. I'm also very beautiful, which makes me thinks I'd be wasting these looks I've been blessed with but that isn't enough. Life is still shitty in spite of how one looks. Being talented and smart hasn't done much for me because I've always had really terrible anxiety. I feel like people are always trying to break me down and abuse me in some way, it definitely started at home and I never got it resolved so it's all really fucking me up in adulthood now that I'm having trouble faking the funk. I'd just really love to get hit by a car or fall off the mountain during one of my hikes. I'm thinking of heading up there in the dark tonight and bringing something to overdose on. My thoughts are all over the place. When I went to visit my mother the other day I tried to open up but she didn't even come hug me while I cried on her couch, she stared at her phone and asked me why I was stressed but didn't really show any interest. That's supposed to be the woman I admire the most. I feel like my chest is sinking and there's nobody to talk to. I hate this world and I've never felt like I was living such a lie. Everything's going to shit.  I have plenty of real friends, plenty of people interested in dating me, a car, a nice place I rent, a cool personality, but  I feel really dead inside. I'm fighting to make the most out of everything I've worked so hard to achieve, but I'm almost to the point where I won't be able to sustain it if I don't pick myself up. I try to remind myself that everybody has a problem of some sort, everybody has trauma. Everybody is addicted to something or battling something, I shouldn't throw the towel in just yet. Your 20s are for being a mess in some ways, people are stupid, nobody really has it all figured out, but I'm really tired of existing and it would be nice to just get away for a while, to breathe freely and to feel at ease again. I feel like hiding this week, I can't deal with the general public. I'm overwhelmed with adulting (it's overrated) and I'm searching for jobs at strip clubs as a waitress since corporate jobs aren't working for me. I'm in over my head with this life thing! If I don't sell my soul to one of these old men with money or get my life back on track and get disciplined again, I'll have to have another chat with the grim reaper in the coming months. 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suicidewatch,Mr-Icicle,2019/02/12,I need help. A few days ago I tried to hang myself. This is the third time that I chickened out of it. Why can’t I go through with it? ,-2.20951612903226,-0.4615836451612907,-0.006209677419352744,108.91068548387098,95.12903225806451,3.1,14.201612903225806,3.1291,-1.801458064516129,101,2,29,0,4,33,27,31,0.0,0.899,0.101,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357163569453072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169995837284537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793508198571723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294657285711926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644671725029407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28661816720085675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337201812933569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44353412534340336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mydepressionaccount7,2019/02/12,"I can't afford to take the break from life that I need. Mental illness and mysterious health problems are making every day life unbearable. I can't do anything that requires me to ""perform,"" whether that be just socially or for a school presentation (I am a medical student) without shaking and fucking whatever I'm trying to do up. Every day is full of reminders that I'm not smart enough or as well liked as those around me. Everyone just kind of ignores me when I'm at school, so I pretend to just be really interested in my phone or whatever during moments like waiting for the door to open to enter a class. Everyone I speak to about it tells me to take a year off to get help, but if I take a year off and no longer have my student loan money, I will be homeless. Or they tell me to seek help while staying in school, except with my school insurance, therapy costs like $60 a session and I can't afford that. My family members are worse off than me...there's not anyone who can help me finacnially. Plus, I don't have time for it as a medical student. I take anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants, but they minimally help. I just wish I could have a few months to do nothing but focus on overcoming my crippling anxiety and depression, but I don't have the financial means to do that, so I just drag myself through each time comforting myself with thoughts of how I could always end it if nothing else. I really need to stop crying and hyperventilating and study. I am so tired.

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suicidewatch,Cyrodiil_Guard,2019/02/12,"Day by day is lasting too long I can't take this day by day anymore. I feel like the entire town hates me. Everywhere I go, I have shit thrown at me, insults hurled, and looks thrown at me. I got brave yesterday and went out to see a friend who lives out of town, and instead of having fun, it was 2 hours of him telling me of how much of a terrible person I am, that I'll never be loved by the the people I care for, I don't deserve the time of day by anyone. And it's all true. He told me that I was wasted time to him, and at first he thought it would be great to see me but quickly remembered why he stopped talking to me. I hate my jobs. I can't go home because of my neighbors and I'm tired of being attacked. My dad is A-typical and his idea of helping me is yelling at me for things I can't control. I haven't eaten properly in a month. I keep loosing weight, everyday it's lower and lower. My therapist told me that she's disappointed in me for doing everything she told me not to, but it's so difficult to not become to attached to people. I'm flakey on my two friends because I'm scared of getting attached to another person just so they can abandon me. I pour my heart out for everyone I love and they throw it back in my face. Nobody answers my phone calls, my texts go answered, even if I knock on doors, I'm ignored. The cancerous tumors are back on my kidney, and I don't think I have the patience or energy to fight it back. I'm tired of this court case, I just want to lay down and be done. I feel so fucking hated and forgotten about. My love is blind and I'm learning that the hard way. I've been visibly drowning for the world to see and all I'm told is to keep breathing. Why does nobody love me as much as I love them? Why can't people just stay? Why is it that I'm always sitting by myself, no friends or even a fucking family member to be there. Where did all the people I love go? Why am I so alone... All of the plans I had in place involved my ex. Now what the fuck do I do? I'm taking these courses and shit for him and the fucker doesn't even care if I'm alive or dead. I changed for all of these people and none of them stayed. Am I that useless and forgettable? Well, only one way to tell but I'm so much as a pussy that I can't follow through with my own promises to myself. ",2.6051509054325948,3.2570208229376263,4.169730382293764,90.45942454728373,74.17102615694165,7.209175050301813,25.66881287726358,7.33818517376401,0.9960005633802816,1787,57,415,19,35,599,221,497,0.182,0.693,0.125,-0.9873,3,1,0,0,2,0,51.0,0,0,4,3,23,37,12,1,17,0,38,22,6,2,7,60,89,35,2,4,13,2,4,1,4,1,4,1,3,2,22,22,2,6,9,0,0,7,14,19,1,3,14,10,68,18,63,69,10,53,0,3,5,10,41,20,6,5,22,273,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104024621137445,0.0,0.0,0.05707373388115655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719243083998881,0.0,0.0,0.06802446936742781,0.04796086501841893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803288538154438,0.0,0.15822819689088696,0.0,0.08362564634442363,0.07575407029345511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003972686673003,0.0,0.13986748360950835,0.0,0.07256085337794066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693134949987779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211796460020626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060025000757152176,0.07019305563597919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591238118515414,0.0,0.0,0.06554224529420427,0.061645737427542924,0.0,0.06466208761908472,0.0,0.06936398174946344,0.0490018767188342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058344008464076065,0.0,0.0,0.15898117781318602,0.1902355798595393,0.03583629751859342,0.0,0.15592882418248902,0.0,0.054858995321017935,0.07562251814703612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061444630897783174,0.2031601127052367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128141602164231,0.045975526124103966,0.0,0.06880300107826802,0.0,0.0675489423218682,0.0,0.0,0.07743160528424356,0.0,0.0,0.06806661244327289,0.1219347910024404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055911336152855366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033510407459024304,0.0,0.06056766908837726,0.06070143724567989,0.05759969694407081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714397636916452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474918750335249,0.0,0.15126822875812376,0.0,0.052902096339730614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647946606408571,0.052167028177969414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377640110838534,0.11978313743977988,0.07166365808271839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770094968095972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867219109841866,0.0,0.1639759540701151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408166523173142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621910993039733,0.0,0.05734567698422571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314474420244774,0.0551313568487302,0.119904222056012,0.0,0.0,0.07964017326011424,0.04556923349914956,0.04395074917496193,0.0,0.054454095284948364,0.07999266625353019,0.15767198507518473,0.0,0.26216898117681714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700405923164593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404571226202419,0.10888969208062484,0.0,0.08352613097953764,0.06167211609235077,0.06358513149810256,0.3094664026982536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048725528489238584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phdogs,2019/02/12,I can't let go I tried to kill myself yesterday. I got the rope on my neck and I only needed to let go. I tried so hard. I just couldn't find the courage to end my life.,-3.0246666666666684,-1.4233727999999992,0.2850000000000001,104.89333333333336,102.0,3.6666666666666674,11.666666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.5710833333333336,128,2,36,1,6,45,27,40,0.241,0.759,0.0,-0.8479,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,8,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434917677310597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512659640747462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31247936177367125,0.0,0.21987344463515301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24626850292781585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041510626477563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622353718438129,0.19417953949926173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038448813384597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090841094473108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373296449657313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SwimmingLama,2019/02/12,"Not enough money to live in peace To get anything worthwhile in this world you have to fight tooth and nail for it. I'm too weak to fight for a life worth living, so I'm just gonna quit. Peace out. Fuck my parents btw",1.48117021276596,2.9486757872340448,2.0478191489361706,101.30875,78.36170212765958,4.7,18.132978723404253,3.1291,-1.0046553191489362,170,3,42,0,4,52,38,47,0.2,0.604,0.195,-0.0772,2,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,3,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,9,5,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276549605519766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34724089394035623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106830205965985,0.17557802544028192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373698543674824,0.0,0.0,0.5934961187628337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37315601998039866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574422875951167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway_1022019,2019/02/12,"Friday I have plans to end my life on Friday, it’s been two years to the day since my last attempt and I still haven’t felt better since. I don’t see hope anymore. I’m hoping if I’m successful this time my family will be okay especially my little girl. It hurts me so much that I can’t live with my own pain to be there for her ",2.451780821917808,2.8729673287671247,4.1670136986301385,91.19134246575344,74.34246575342465,7.4838356164383555,20.07945205479452,7.554174236665415,0.24995561643835584,257,4,63,3,5,87,54,73,0.08,0.733,0.187,0.8,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,4,3,7,0,0,1,1,8,2,0,0,0,6,14,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,2,11,5,6,9,2,8,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,3,6,38,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061478872213314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674266016523415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434645542292051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970283911061791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097100195131717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359091510389472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418944238159406,0.0,0.0,0.2381418193612727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813298615518589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712597846649087,0.0,0.222957546738018,0.19643113196738315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352943109137685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367069503572892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726719418806955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680328219474392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776522095019614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971483150806365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173054271260949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432532097609155
suicidewatch,bunsonburner73738388,2019/02/12,"What to expect when going to ER for depression, anxiety, and wanting to commit suicide? Burner for obvious reasons.

Will this affect my insurance rates? Will it affect future jobs? Will they hold me for days or give me a ton of drugs?

I’m scared to death of going but I’m scared to death of what I’ll do if I don’t. 

:(",1.1108571428571423,3.3563073384615407,3.2806593406593407,88.08076923076923,83.30769230769229,6.175824175824177,20.05494505494506,7.447530270364453,0.7497252747252752,247,7,50,4,7,84,44,65,0.321,0.6579999999999999,0.021,-0.9728,1,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,3,2,12,11,5,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,11,8,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302840235353865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958978781291576,0.0,0.2398453689923802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229362073252093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713331512666894,0.3165212639931333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763380063850304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28631302107574963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575930900937421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046004313647056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642485237276897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bupgoesbup,2019/02/12,"I can't tell anyone, so why does it feel like I need to? My best friend, the only person in the world I would ever want to talk to about this stuff, is already dealing with a manipulative boyfriend who uses suicide and depression as ways to get her to do what he wants. 

I desperately don't want to burden her, I don't want to add to her stress, but I feel so alone. I have attempted a few times just in the last few months and I want to tell someone, but I can't. I don't want anyone to worry. Even though they already do.

She tells me she's always worried about me, and that makes me sick to my stomach as it is. How could I possibly tell her just how bad it is? I just don't want to feel so alone anymore",3.1198026315789487,3.4123913750000017,4.466947368421053,90.10963157894741,72.75,7.395789473684211,24.410526315789475,7.1686216300943375,0.7008478947368421,547,14,130,5,10,182,81,152,0.201,0.6990000000000001,0.1,-0.9716,0,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,13,7,0,1,5,0,14,2,1,5,1,29,28,13,1,10,5,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,3,24,3,19,26,3,8,0,1,0,0,17,3,0,0,5,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24676726829800946,0.26292771397043513,0.0,0.09912641180546426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814579325412093,0.16659812257111575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994692848873797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502047883951545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511629114171463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281867685844974,0.10260722781616566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104252210939387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868480385317203,0.10776067553424017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807084139706374,0.08510710410126965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204020033712143,0.0,0.062240952954088435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971075441396962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582013165017202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952076842957823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508910907726162,0.0,0.0,0.08833401687138849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906043807928248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402046442178152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343021353051166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009391838653576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646398786999028,0.0,0.13637632313888098,0.13030981580025258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575286582372257,0.416502460395788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704545671940067,0.0,0.06946615752331617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289080598183496,0.0,0.0,0.4918652394406646,0.09456052482066457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749706384271032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419663248555546,0.0,0.08462713886076785,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ANNAiNord,2019/02/12,"I'm just like done? I'm sitting down on my bathroom floor right now, with a loaded pistol next to me. I guess I'm writing this because a small part of me probably wants someone to talk me out of it? Idk. For backstory I'm a 20 y/o trans girl who feels like a total fuckup. Currently unemployed and can't find the energy to actually apply to schools. I'm fairly attractive and interesting but no one's ever loved me or even given me a chance. Just leave after using my body. Hella daddy issues, I know. Also my wisdom teeth are giving me trouble but my insurance only covers 50% and I can't be fucked to even find a dentist or make an appointment. So that sucks. It feels like doing literally anything is beyond my abilities. I'm like tired of it all, so why go on?",1.9155769230769235,4.006768121794877,4.426256410256411,81.85207692307692,79.3205128205128,7.236923076923077,23.220512820512823,8.238735603445708,1.5836235897435895,601,20,116,12,15,211,106,156,0.102,0.6829999999999999,0.215,0.9665,3,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,2,0,8,0,7,6,2,2,3,24,26,10,0,1,6,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,2,14,8,16,23,3,15,0,0,0,2,6,8,2,3,9,72,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.1634530493627422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394740437172098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378358766264159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021047034382342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605156583066745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714077305810395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126056588491816,0.15151075481702328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938317598537342,0.23931998419176884,0.0,0.0,0.3061787076243053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548484092623819,0.0,0.1606785216264119,0.09519248607689393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451698629923596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482349968472125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205204910958306,0.0,0.0,0.17735528926844152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273225729442725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117271066462418,0.0,0.11180564328001888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813511130166246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350039864313473,0.12738912460963614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138308289009586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059024917953814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304164453768806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695160504930198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191978532275693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462785849217954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251332552113604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466375234522727,0.0,0.0,0.09879415436959506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114011862562726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lychee_hana,2019/02/12,"Why me? Living is painful indeed. I don't even get it why out in a trillion people on earth it must be me who diagnose with bipolar. I have a perfect life,perfect family, perfect lover, bless in talent and yet almost every night i went to bed with a crazy scrambled mind thinking how everything was painfully meaningless, its like there is no longer a purpose to live when your mind is the one who bring you down every time. I cant even focus on my work, i feel like im never good enough in everything. What is a purposed to live when you struggle to find happiness in everything is it?.",2.6827272727272726,4.912909655172417,3.781347962382444,86.73481191222571,77.44827586206897,6.631974921630094,26.062695924764892,7.686295010490155,1.5595793103448283,464,18,89,7,11,150,79,116,0.141,0.6629999999999999,0.196,0.8502,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,3,7,12,0,1,6,0,11,5,0,1,4,15,16,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,2,1,11,9,14,12,1,16,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,8,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465242998249511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851775672047374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119381930641315,0.0,0.19329381677042146,0.0,0.2465718437509168,0.0,0.3945249797694187,0.0,0.13794308076181605,0.0,0.07398679573100679,0.1045352862333457,0.0,0.0,0.13373926522749388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644926826260999,0.0,0.0,0.12273126249524365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576669218573455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805713311294145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335434419251087,0.14297493361835828,0.0,0.3876254777527659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954949885609903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285559153068568,0.0,0.0,0.13731698947125962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915424906807266,0.0,0.31140225007673394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144398794051047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297165124567835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375975886671983,0.0,0.0,0.0853238367926351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356456194418427,0.2640728164048604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652703261760677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,windowss666,2019/02/12,"Ending my life tonight I think about ending my life tonight but I’m scared of death , I don’t want know what is after this shit show and honestly I’m kinda scared about it.
But honestly I’m tired of suffering.
I probably gonna take my sleep pills or whatever.",1.3823270440251605,3.814393679245285,2.771981132075471,90.92199685534591,83.90566037735849,7.3069182389937115,22.040880503144656,8.344100000000001,1.4257069182389936,207,7,44,5,6,67,36,53,0.3720000000000001,0.4970000000000001,0.131,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,8,10,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,5,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527611609437512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046787780893485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610674584789836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755737574623489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117887289735517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262363754363476,0.0,0.0,0.2557787686009051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921750154295296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637744310899606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29376791225693033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507560704890449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyASFlmao2,2019/02/12,"I need help finding a guy from here :( I think 6 days ago I was really (like, really) considering throwing myself in front of a train and drunk posted some shit at 5 AM here. Then someone DM'd me here and honestly it really helped me get through the night and the next 2 days or something.

Sadly I cant remember his name and cant look it up anywhere because during a full nice mental breakdown I deleted all my ""social"" media apps like Reddit from my phone and now I cant remember the password for my throwaway acc I texted with that guy on. (I cant use email to reset it because I used a trashy 10 minute mail)

Would be really cool if I somehow would be able to find you again man :(

my account name was u/lonelyASFlmao",4.140275862068965,5.029286786206903,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551726,70.79310344827587,8.006896551724138,27.603448275862068,8.238735603445708,1.7456068965517242,564,19,114,8,10,185,99,145,0.101,0.804,0.094,-0.2516,0,2,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,0,7,1,11,2,1,2,1,23,17,8,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,5,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,2,19,5,12,11,3,16,0,1,1,0,13,5,1,4,10,70,23,0,0.1562903054170918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854192573483345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905462390961815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158863483930795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856930154272121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165523393596033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30950394857947033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951619452566236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271109739706054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124449383110065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575038679882841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588728111950435,0.0,0.0,0.16621651288593414,0.14666786423829534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968290995882153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400494286768724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540928981267191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042975255860634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931828427046,0.13242426859869086,0.12031991276354925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001445169853332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699692865725753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220482975607488,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayforJJ,2019/02/12,"HELP ME HELP ME  paralyzing anxiety, ocd, personality disorder, no sleep, bi polar disorder, depression, maniac episodes, broken family, traumatic childhood, extreme self disgust...I can't go on like this anymore..someone please please please help me. suggest me a way to off myself ..my OCD stops me from jumping off a cliff and hanging from a rope because I keep thinking how my body will look after I die..I beg of you someone please please suggest me a way to killl myself.. please please don't say ""thins will get better"" and everything, let it sink in for 3+ years my ocd made me to house arrest myself..that's how bad it is..so please let me die..wouldn't you put a puppy out of its misery, if you come across a dying puppy? please think of it like that. HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME",3.0212015137180686,5.247984350993381,4.245567644276253,83.83451986754969,76.35099337748345,6.963292336802273,25.355250709555346,7.957251820313856,1.609099905392621,611,22,115,10,14,200,91,151,0.207,0.557,0.235,0.6304,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,0,1,2,6,1,0,6,0,6,3,2,3,0,12,14,5,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,1,3,21,3,16,9,0,18,0,1,1,1,14,7,0,1,6,61,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092339243460329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649499335410737,0.048547016257093525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043396406231632,0.0,0.08846064957725441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860169389238198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859270114834191,0.0,0.2479572118176252,0.0,0.1825457142746198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157413420159489,0.0,0.0750762847543752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160793714081005,0.0,0.04526051213618842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202808772298313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918923747173564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078654144830425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287194601455054,0.0,0.07781489850588459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687645587647957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753560696029507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953744664243698,0.0,0.7867744614021965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005889631570362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633318958129924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308053935804997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969622054661342,0.0,0.13495523503351464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665815245567398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205853481456988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264269965674353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128471588031695
suicidewatch,jon-maxson,2019/02/12,suicide is my only option. I’ve tried once I’m trying for the last time tonight bye friends.,1.6642105263157916,3.985217789473687,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,81.63157894736842,3.8,25.28947368421053,3.1291,0.17971578947368405,74,3,15,0,2,23,18,19,0.199,0.664,0.13699999999999998,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064937345714793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233679821363488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224784784473383,0.0,0.30171245755675824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339314989499519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132220451137836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386740748545643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6368386366377,2019/02/12,"I feel like the people that act like they want to keep me alive only do it for money I don't know. I've been depressed for about 15 years now and for a while, it seems like things were starting to get better, but they're not. I keep telling my therapist what's been dragging me down and asking for advice on how to fix it, but she just tries to redirect my attention to other things instead of helping me figure out how to address my issues. My health hasn't been great and my doctor won't take my concerns seriously. 

I'm feel so beaten down. I just want to die already. I'm at least gonna fire my therapist. I may as well spend that money on drugs and booze so I can forget about how I can see the dead end my life is leading me to for a little while. ",3.9675625,4.06869063125,4.9575,88.01750000000001,70.8125,7.65,25.375,7.1686216300943375,0.923075,591,15,132,5,10,194,97,160,0.17800000000000002,0.723,0.099,-0.9669,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,3,12,9,1,0,4,0,12,5,0,4,0,26,28,14,2,2,5,0,3,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,9,5,1,2,6,0,3,2,4,3,1,0,4,4,21,6,23,21,1,15,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,2,9,89,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623802234238672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833736560327712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534730567393035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469646058472677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431227025550715,0.0,0.1724590988022185,0.0,0.0,0.17008289785000272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927054207443847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717804372128582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680419409846129,0.11871248258877976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681740639511497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183203939725827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766318343410021,0.0,0.0,0.11138081253161293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734391863054938,0.0,0.29540055857248565,0.0,0.0,0.09132314891368544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737137982326935,0.24354803907908246,0.1665468381362098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638041313844825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152019388481164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241664670804468,0.1512756934399178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761657710698435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493979282176078,0.0,0.1452406400148601,0.0,0.0,0.3858743099067835,0.2207930471476249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281909384580915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960237356705817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940754309951607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700857399807157
suicidewatch,camouflage365,2019/02/12,"Every night I fantasize about putting a loaded pistol in my mouth, aimed upwards The thought that one pull of the trigger can end it all in an instant is such a relief. If I lived in a country with lax gun laws, I know I would have done it a few times by now (stuck the gun in my mouth).

Every single night, I just feel so alone and trapped. There's no one I can go to, and there's no way to escape it.
I have a good job and make decent money, but my life has been void of substance and meaning for the past decade.",4.692666666666668,3.752807963636364,5.183636363636363,90.55212121212124,69.36363636363636,7.696969696969697,27.424242424242426,5.46131890053228,0.7509696969696966,396,10,94,1,6,127,75,110,0.104,0.8440000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.5251,1,2,0,3,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,10,0,9,3,2,2,1,17,16,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,4,1,10,2,12,11,3,14,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,64,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813777881115235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541712134713765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509767908097464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711812535803646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137732179823293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518698026391414,0.18475566055508288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858828765603994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210570133216784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555862764245969,0.0,0.0,0.1945062725779078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703482843576401,0.0,0.0,0.23994332541286365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41342508142423984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29852717899198544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027677640993966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143654589827988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487321635281547,0.1284437355830859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484351344158613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647656692882606,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YeOldeSecondaryAcct,2019/02/12,"I'm trying to be better, but it doesn't feel like it's working I've lived my entire adult life in a haze of suicidal ideation, and it's only within the last few months I've actually tried to approach actually living instead of waiting out the clock. Objectively speaking I've made a lot of progress but because of circumstances I'm homeless, I have no job or degree, and my entire support network is largely unable to help me; for every day I get my nose to the grindstone and get a bunch of really important shit done I have 2-3 where I'm some measure of too screwed up to do anything but sit around wishing I was dead, or being paralyzed with fear for the future. My situation could be way worse but here I am mentally self-destructing, over and over again, and I feel like I'm reaching the end of my rope

​

I feel like I'm stagnating or even backsliding, and it doesn't help that every time I look out into the world to see that life is worth living I see people who are smarter than me, better than me, harder workers than me, struggling and suffering and being ground into the dirt. I want to be better, I want to get out there and help people, but I feel too old and worthless to even take care of myself, let alone get out there and do anything worthwhile. It's an emotional crisis, an economic crisis and an existential crisis all at once, and I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to deal with this.

​

I'll probably regret making this post later, but at the moment if I try to just sit on this and stew I'm afraid I'll make even worse choices, so here it is.",9.40378809869376,6.2132155471698125,9.275157232704405,72.13295355587809,61.76729559748429,12.048766328011613,38.29801644895984,9.851270322608157,3.5649377842283503,1256,44,247,18,13,413,167,318,0.226,0.634,0.139,-0.992,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,7,15,18,2,4,14,0,20,5,2,3,1,51,49,25,2,6,12,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,12,23,0,1,4,0,1,1,4,9,0,0,3,9,23,9,41,39,6,34,0,3,3,1,7,18,2,6,14,156,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.1826386207391145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691930928101318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278496039695884,0.2274167215652972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154014590082977,0.0833048810661529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704470574161749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482882613962964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954097193158131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471497579406558,0.0,0.0,0.060350518644758426,0.09647552862281228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576349789555734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052634399143066,0.0828829508089017,0.09669181020843662,0.0,0.18542354242423534,0.0,0.1576881781813462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530205168939256,0.18926480575914476,0.2005579216715479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556402957031715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817148616804275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928624183462383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627912866165787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569055886732357,0.13219480371253248,0.1371534750171206,0.0,0.2478951143556119,0.0,0.07858253793215593,0.0,0.0,0.07955726264330082,0.0,0.08854642669655444,0.12492901514608674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943053176507254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469362395976611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981951019314999,0.09965825930372313,0.0,0.07117081665522744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975137308823464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962252515348765,0.0,0.10089366383091168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994891016555009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491402132802679,0.0,0.09762299078148473,0.0,0.09605718874657758,0.0,0.10518637735845343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782877327506533,0.0,0.1023599071870782,0.10619199754548342,0.0,0.0,0.07035953489183869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054566491350345504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906013798478291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039028125505806,0.0742784147515146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761088446342686,0.0,0.0,0.06812640666914263,0.0,0.1907293758506992,0.0,0.0,0.2274167215652972,0.0
suicidewatch,pastelstarboyy,2019/02/12,"this is the second time i’ve had to go through this!! why is this happening again!!

literally things were going ok in the spring and then as soon as the end of last year/the beginning of this year hit i feel terrible again

my parents don’t really want me to be what i am so like. i know they love me and want me to be happy but even if they’d miss me, the next few years will probably suck until i get to college or something and i can play out my life as i want it to

i feel like shit constantly and my grades keep going down and i don’t know why

my friends are good but they’re one of the only things i can think of that i wanna live longer to experience

i just want it to get better again already i don’t wanna deal with feeling consistently shitty, unmotivated, and terrible all the time again",1.7764285714285748,3.5369175952380942,3.5279999999999987,89.71700000000001,78.40476190476191,7.099047619047619,21.319047619047613,8.021203637495839,0.8131161904761903,628,17,142,11,15,210,97,168,0.131,0.6729999999999999,0.196,0.8137,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,8,14,2,0,6,1,15,3,1,0,1,27,37,16,0,7,5,1,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,6,1,0,3,3,5,0,2,2,3,22,9,22,30,2,23,0,1,0,1,6,3,2,2,19,97,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647661525045037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205164353306945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134994507364694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393098381356762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224342319249022,0.0,0.0,0.09861716131542153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460528150991887,0.0,0.0,0.2264852924441509,0.10666635237351403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535573375879625,0.0,0.15601554041750232,0.0,0.25456717200146023,0.12523327351246025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320334221043321,0.15894216656805993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271266586671385,0.0,0.0,0.16411260163144392,0.12170673213138825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054613355375798,0.14588963401193414,0.0,0.13184254902098666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347571677264609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879177509031264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117561688038353,0.11355619381352346,0.0,0.0,0.1657899329124404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609803144460332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565114441002696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532635039911038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494533361764656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838847992297332,0.09567115409631914,0.0,0.0,0.1741265130487629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522651772862021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26945622958386184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884502289604475
suicidewatch,notmeanymore69,2019/02/12,"I have lost everyone Some minutes ago i lost the last person that ""cared"" about me, i think its time haha, i have 4 failed attempts and i hope that number 5 is my number...
Stay save and dont do what i do

See ya❤",-1.9386018237082079,-0.06580291489361477,0.8370820668693,101.02,99.42553191489357,3.5367781155015194,13.097264437689967,5.288315135182226,-1.2957756838905774,161,3,40,1,7,55,35,47,0.16399999999999998,0.621,0.215,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,12,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,8,4,1,10,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,23,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850530036958786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743244230799312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31533611058155203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570981927135155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723711551843776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931966798775607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874211643743042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23493266072199426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440584491556372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867819734778617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172402671445968,0.0,0.0,0.15689094744772664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,siawyi,2019/02/12,"Who’s the selfish one? People around me always tell me that I can get a degree only when I’m ready, get married only when I’m ready or even have kids only when I’m ready. But they can’t accept the fact that I’m ready to end my life. They expect me to stay around because me committing suicide is gonna put them in pain. But they’re the same group of people who look me in the eyes and sees me around daily but don’t notice me crying for help. Why can’t I just be ready to cease to exist and therefore do so? Why do I have to stay around while in pain just to make everyone happy? Why can’t I kill myself just because I’m happier that way? 

",4.208714285714287,3.591960014285714,5.310714285714287,88.15678571428577,70.28571428571429,7.857142857142858,23.92857142857143,6.6274283507984215,0.5899999999999994,502,9,116,3,8,167,76,140,0.141,0.684,0.175,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,3,0,12,6,1,0,5,0,11,4,1,2,2,20,22,11,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,0,3,16,2,15,20,1,16,0,0,3,0,9,7,0,1,5,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400724253497335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878886817707552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704583170929235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050426191338478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135439452615515,0.0,0.0,0.09049694580199556,0.0,0.0,0.1309234589610426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316909670795672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585474213312372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183809435734623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158651315420593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677756527410783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505787641505147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145840515956843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599219349387658,0.0,0.0,0.09284473610046738,0.3126176594402638,0.291586694480607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899775426235048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773766084780362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091830111349313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29207897215546497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987189089203126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975692490499848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875592580331456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709034839281196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShowYouMyBoner,2019/02/12,"I'm giving myself two years I quit drinking, pot, porn, most social media, and I've added cold showers, and fish oil, vitamin d, and lots of fresh vegetables to my diet. I've been suicidally depressed since childhood and I've been in therapy for year, so if after two years of this new lifestyle I'm still suicidal I feel like I've done all I can and I've earned the right to shove off. Peace",1.8212499999999991,4.024890625000001,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,80.25,6.5,22.5,7.6454224807358475,1.011625,310,10,64,5,8,102,57,80,0.093,0.753,0.154,0.4767,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,10,8,7,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,5,1,8,5,3,10,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,3,8,32,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510573729733056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805093408642872,0.0,0.19916086257311932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279678711929996,0.1452406670570392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950280561949128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932423528650644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284208670353884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963526064704149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162391996579132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362080262333773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817545781379878,0.0,0.0,0.2072431803849545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623591151818091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447639188471986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249624044572426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971976140494704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927640041563269
suicidewatch,mynameisnotbecky1,2019/02/12,"I'm tired, I promise I'll do it I'm such a burden to everybody, I'm beyond convincing otherwise. No encouraging words, friends, or anything here can stop me. It's best I leave now, during my juniour yr of high school.There's a highway 3 mins away with cars going across. One jump will end this pain. I hate everything/everybody. I'm misunderstood.",1.0870588235294107,3.713403,3.0267058823529425,85.47417647058826,92.52941176470587,6.8376470588235305,24.44705882352941,7.908726449838941,1.9940188235294127,276,12,53,7,10,92,54,68,0.277,0.519,0.204,-0.5683,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,5,6,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23546968673756025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688389166929155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002873572866237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534360212541165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107184982745287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262054136346682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825050269766927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023237082266235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029820350653595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389656718710335,0.0,0.3044742301601511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28958999850790684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392267134680685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288770207203099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PublicCurrency,2019/02/12,"Which would be less painful for family members/friends? I only have a few family members (2 brothers mom and dad) and a few friends, maybe one who would actually try and stop me from falling out of their lives. 

Would it be less painful for them to kill myself outright, or to say that I'm moving to a foreign country and then ""go missing"" ie kill myself in a way that my body will never be found?",6.927278481012657,5.773938911392406,6.8998417721518965,80.77102848101269,64.9493670886076,9.418987341772151,36.20569620253164,8.07648339933343,2.6885924050632912,310,13,63,3,4,99,56,79,0.238,0.727,0.035,-0.9507,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,4,0,8,3,1,0,1,12,12,6,2,3,1,3,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,0,1,1,1,7,1,9,4,4,9,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.17260138887644874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646472666132514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334780342107891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939308287808356,0.2733014692523348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005203351759497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913649411972112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561810634950818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769152319695772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071501458530704,0.0,0.1879867606002891,0.0,0.0,0.13641445662045312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985292730978628,0.13451899442134285,0.3764081881849317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065557577639998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478727669901448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008436021679947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039262339771522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769340131467693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ewaterge,2019/02/12,"My life holds no meaning So I saved up a bunch of money via working part time and I have nothing to do with it. Saved it thinking I might find a reason, but... I feel nothing. It's been years since all my desires started to whit away. Today I got embarrased like five times and felt nothing. No sense of shame, nor happiness. It's all so meaningless. Literally my whole life has been 80% living in a fantasy world, while in reality everything was just stuck on repeat the whole time... Nothing ever changes.

People also started to get creeped out by me today but I responded only by acting creepier and not feeling flustered about it. This is new for me. Started a few months ago, now I'm no longer a nervous passive aggressive person I was, I'm a doll playing out my role.

Guys, I'll be honest - I need to somehow live on and pass college, make friends, but my dumb emotions won't work with me, they want me to just die and stop being a b*tch. They honestly ruin my cog in the system life and do any of you have any experience with this? Please, don't mention therapy, it doesn't work. Thanks.
",2.9364528763769897,4.939821274418605,4.135716034271727,85.56621787025705,75.79069767441861,6.758873929008567,28.05997552019584,7.669130373188453,1.743976744186047,854,36,166,12,19,279,136,215,0.16399999999999998,0.7040000000000001,0.132,-0.8205,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,2,3,9,14,2,2,9,0,16,3,0,2,3,37,33,14,1,3,6,0,3,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,8,11,0,2,7,2,1,2,8,5,0,1,7,3,21,9,24,22,7,30,0,1,0,0,9,10,1,2,18,109,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239264796838037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923733074713054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710152576161546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852544994597324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122194266835992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988114618312748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993320587909854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044854105652024,0.0,0.0,0.10381294234905904,0.1129909473270604,0.0,0.0,0.11681065616129566,0.0,0.11090771703305917,0.0,0.10557404987878187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924274159428344,0.0,0.06034920894042663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238390124348828,0.0,0.0,0.11437306318513728,0.0,0.12296254583346465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447643929494034,0.05643235271094114,0.0,0.20399489734968396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710382378945667,0.0,0.0,0.12582425591887672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253785902967244,0.0,0.0,0.09219898217007826,0.0,0.0,0.0856492034215942,0.0,0.11156028045006673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433398518652799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878505621759602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508607661708007,0.0,0.0800800918452503,0.10085887897797607,0.0,0.12679529602319844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876352099689187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955510679271408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24527572343211326,0.0,0.0,0.09657153449950172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634609127935908,0.13209575494797018,0.0,0.0,0.07401414567651374,0.0,0.0,0.2020644345414616,0.0,0.21897995276502336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813079238642482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579255859539752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25227797317143785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438465463061905
suicidewatch,PastelSprite,2019/02/12,"Just tired I'm not worth love or empathy, gentleness, or understanding. I keep notes in my makeup drawer so that every day when I get ready I don't forget that I'm utterly worthless and try to fight for more. I don't really know why I'm here because I don't want support, I don't want to be talked out of things. I'll probably fail again anyway like I always do. I'm just tired. 

 

I feel like one day I woke up and my life was someone else's. Everything seemed fine. Everyone is different from who I thought they were. I'm the only one who's still the same, and now I'm alone and can't trust anyone anymore. Not only did everyone change, they all changed into the worst possible versions of themselves. I wonder all the time if once i had successfully killed myself, and hell exists and this is it. I'm either going crazy or I successfully killed myself and now I'm in my own personal hell where everyone I know is a monster. ",3.272333333333332,4.79477700526316,4.81421052631579,83.10780701754389,73.6842105263158,8.435087719298245,25.824561403508767,9.029198982220553,1.9973403508771927,741,25,150,16,15,249,114,190,0.264,0.652,0.084,-0.989,1,1,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,2,3,11,16,5,0,5,0,14,4,0,0,2,32,37,13,2,3,9,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,1,7,0,1,1,7,8,0,2,6,1,21,8,11,30,8,15,2,2,0,1,8,6,2,6,10,91,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136461370561417,0.0,0.0,0.1096330652529916,0.14275954827936838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066835796109674,0.0921281347231122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031834715416038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787646166540005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699457940724192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765888384332098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006675594618227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101165018401007,0.37770074427561545,0.1184154372663877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666207151715456,0.09412781646670383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883802542974535,0.0,0.07488100827614302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711240871691107,0.2915410235101589,0.0,0.14482130964922327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306444830000286,0.12874043584600672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891658118121567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031778345551346,0.1785650242032091,0.2004155262103232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150458506051868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853715064777828,0.0,0.0,0.14205722006756286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440743651127998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199473753515098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116379775050472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522196919908096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149517218345985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059019487925664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753404429687259,0.0,0.0,0.10460099551395234,0.0768290472934127,0.3028724748289792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945491432643889,0.0,0.0,0.1371645424563377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554283577594234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188909433935872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428857407396322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohnothebanjo,2019/02/12,"I don't understand why I feel suicidal again. I've been struggling with a couple of mental illnesses (I was professionally diagnosed, no self-diagnosing on this post) and suicidal thoughts since I was a pre-teen (I'm 18 now). At one point, when I was 12-14, it was the worst it has ever been. I was being bullied pretty severely and even though I was young, I felt like my life had no purpose. I have never tried to commit suicide before, but I did self-harm for about 4 years. 

​

Since I started high school, I started to get better. I'm not bullied anymore, but I still have trouble making friends, feeling positive about myself, etc. If anything, from the outside, my life is getting better everyday. I just got accepted into one of the best nursing programs in my entire state and I'm finally graduating in a couple months. But for some reason, I feel like I'm being really depressed again. I can't really pinpoint why. I've also caught myself having thoughts of suicide and self-harm, which is scary. I haven't had thoughts this bad in a couple years. 

​

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I guess I just needed to get it off of my chest somehow.",4.109784630445425,5.864618189427315,5.286923641703378,79.61974424865396,71.95154185022027,7.863827704356339,29.791727851199216,8.515128840125781,2.420097601566324,927,39,167,16,18,307,127,227,0.228,0.64,0.132,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,0,3,14,13,0,1,7,0,22,5,1,2,4,33,46,11,4,2,8,0,4,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,10,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,17,4,25,8,20,27,4,28,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,4,17,112,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070024943053425,0.0,0.1915811562533808,0.21485202050263186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767748079073824,0.0,0.0,0.07275266664309714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381740876903806,0.0,0.0,0.07522912607914965,0.0,0.09277927152533784,0.1563802762931048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934669873585756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614611572747618,0.17946554298609652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859885270069572,0.058392983688556874,0.07997055416800262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410598937328386,0.06315905356819937,0.08488602901270116,0.09684719574864062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830419158197312,0.0,0.13856938465743435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070835764227032,0.0,0.0973919354146186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340843939470896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489108312746205,0.08638385961994054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059013363526643374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890949790408583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056682514795523,0.0,0.0,0.0655537861661424,0.06818608919333201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981578190594384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357461328834025,0.0,0.16934181865994402,0.08994323291850062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699102562117577,0.0908986674569063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947412686755861,0.0,0.0,0.2766880553797292,0.09987644606096732,0.0,0.14626485768957193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515198961411314,0.0,0.07060314621817443,0.0,0.0,0.09242376486993127,0.0,0.3868182203355013,0.0,0.0833239696002451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686090719358294,0.2105594327036037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002357154307082,0.0,0.0,0.09203637149834283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393247738374616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485202050263186,0.11386435714283714
suicidewatch,hubbabubbasnake,2019/02/12,"I'm not letting anyone I know that I'm killing myself They always end up getting 911 called on me and have me sent to hospital( the worst fucking place I could be) So how ever I decide to leave, they'll never have a say in it.",1.7086734693877546,3.0233696122448985,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,77.36734693877553,5.716326530612244,22.45408163265306,5.985473137389443,0.2889142857142861,177,5,39,1,4,60,40,49,0.199,0.8009999999999999,0.0,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,2,8,12,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,8,0,5,7,1,8,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24427094616895406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052686074740705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997643432051648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343890594856332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600128914053064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265547816097823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713976110508252,0.1533764431864006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247879711086912,0.0,0.16133653771245593,0.0,0.0,0.3108446644299915,0.0,0.3001917601684888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22641667626189124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067146369334282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23345596026968424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JokuJuippiSuomesta,2019/02/12,"Could the amygdalin from apple seeds be considered a viable method of suicide? Would it be a viable option for me when my height and weight are 180 cm and 70 kg?

Google is giving me really mixed results but if I would collect a few hundred (200 according to some sites) of those seeds, ground them up and eat the powder, it should kill me. Would this be viable?",4.67914285714286,5.941214342857144,4.704285714285717,86.2707142857143,69.85714285714286,7.314285714285713,24.0,7.554174236665415,1.0227999999999997,284,7,55,3,5,88,54,70,0.132,0.845,0.023,-0.879,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,13,11,6,2,6,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,1,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358496710779595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30226385583154025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28337076198074945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268119097545075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892382429862227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323115281575991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35971275040016065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6295225336796423,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Artoobot,2019/02/12,"Rainbow Bridge One of my beloved pets died today. I swear if Rainbow Bridge was a real place I wouldn't hesitate in joining my animals. Usually I can fight the urge to even think about it all but when I go there, I feel like there is no hesitancy. Like one day I will just do it unthinkingly. Not today though.

People on my socials post about mental health and how their door is always open. But I wonder how many people would respond if I said hey guys, I want to walk out in front of a truck and some days it is literally all I can think about. And a couple times I have pulled over and watched them go by and been real close. 

I don't believe in an afterlife. I don't believe I will see my animals again. I don't think there is anything but this. But why does this have to be so fucking hard. Where did the joy go. ",2.358791208791206,3.910694029585799,3.5711115807269667,90.96001479289944,76.15976331360946,6.722062552831784,23.31403212172443,7.447530270364453,0.7699109044801347,637,19,142,8,14,207,101,169,0.078,0.821,0.102,0.7096,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,15,5,2,0,6,0,20,2,0,2,2,31,32,16,1,5,8,0,2,2,0,4,1,1,2,1,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,6,6,2,0,2,4,5,21,3,15,23,3,25,0,0,2,1,8,10,1,4,10,97,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198111846476006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849147143819155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32445476218369634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593221561725858,0.0,0.1857232292712724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149438849304103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600658762159458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510401306479002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728056520936821,0.10286645888394494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331164012769556,0.0,0.0,0.2454984439722213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257270219675247,0.0,0.0,0.12898672502183214,0.0,0.0,0.153054598207449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069244616270174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598322313878145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510801667374754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514265187281324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964902169421164,0.0,0.15043886543238544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790258278415982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277842043577766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696742891000166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147413586768875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677963497423704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276788864161223,0.1414694083216864,0.0,0.08396170580772051,0.0,0.2729712986884808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858460233779065,0.0,0.08492901127964883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992854609132448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615097350202126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228633898444683,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pinkuame,2019/02/12,"I might kill myself after my 18th birthday I really want to rant but I feel like it’ll be no help and it’s just stupid 

I’m 17 btw so a few more months until my suicide ",-0.6134615384615358,1.0656373333333349,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,85.92307692307692,4.925641025641027,14.878205128205128,5.985473137389443,-0.8504410256410257,132,2,33,1,4,46,34,39,0.364,0.476,0.161,-0.9049,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,4,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999417456636481,0.2824959157433138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650489986073821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374857056329278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318756496585587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194896981050737,0.0,0.0,0.3156291737295304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253323161716328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325372262817449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332353915447481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xhones,2019/02/12,"i’m giving up lol i have kept going for long enough. i don’t want to make my twin sister sad but honestly idk what to do because i can’t keep doing this anymore. i’ve always tried my best to stay out of inpatient but honestly maybe it’s time and at least when i die i can say i tried everything else. i wish i had more hope because i don’t want to hurt the people close to me by dying but it really doesn’t seem fair that i have to deal with this forever so they won’t have to deal with the grief of losing a family member. 

i’ve cleaned things out to make it easy for my family to get rid of my stuff. and also to make sure people don’t find out embarrassing shit about me when i’m gone, haha. it makes me sad to see all the things i’ve written about my mental health, i wish i would have died sooner so i would have suffered less and the people around me would have had time to recover. i’ve never written any notes before and i don’t think i will, besides idk what to write. 

i’m not going to do it tonight because i still have books to return to my school and i am going to try to make myself suffer through life some more so i won’t forever ruin my mom’s birthday which is soon. but i don’t think there’s much time left because i just honestly cannot do this anymore. just felt like i had to put this somewhere.",1.6287631578947384,3.0814097403508782,3.3254605263157906,92.37134868421057,77.91228070175438,6.434210526315789,20.296052631578945,7.1686216300943375,0.2867105263157894,1036,24,238,12,24,345,140,285,0.172,0.6629999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.7584,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,14,18,1,1,5,2,31,3,1,5,3,44,59,15,4,8,7,2,1,1,0,6,2,1,1,0,16,12,0,2,5,1,0,5,12,10,0,0,8,3,34,8,36,45,9,25,0,8,1,0,8,8,1,3,12,153,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011764803173378,0.08336167484195926,0.0,0.0,0.06812901416422343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871255343174773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918560072262371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442865908695742,0.0,0.08524977908127715,0.0,0.10513763502363792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657200070727008,0.0,0.0,0.3119276251483421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369144015924122,0.0,0.0,0.10351754984860197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003952552899798,0.0,0.1888903898920864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619299861075103,0.0,0.09156697752865924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052342357475774114,0.0961062687426139,0.17081177788879426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649162418653707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950598712391187,0.0,0.0,0.10724976616087788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904874193646957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885094202115199,0.0,0.07076339843849683,0.0489451714555344,0.0,0.0,0.08866028433763694,0.0,0.11208102455993092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343702410018952,0.0,0.10064897130818623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096258824664578,0.0,0.0,0.11733507998207784,0.0,0.0,0.07364726318129287,0.0,0.07726859719242292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083663166916376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071326910274482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418086788378508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967087431043912,0.0,0.10139223923622846,0.07983421465267078,0.09120436502550633,0.0,0.0,0.1028381287200558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678353306163152,0.08000761049928859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468748337179982,0.0,0.0,0.09442287011446086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311649220860286,0.12838858832725952,0.0,0.0,0.17525546815948986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405645314817386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181830334749964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041486290682714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350495505763226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenReality1911,2019/02/12,Help I am so tired of trying. I am on antidepressants already for like 6 months. Got fired today and have to drop college now too. I really can't take much more.,0.6786363636363646,3.063199212121216,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,87.18181818181819,5.724242424242425,17.340909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.18076363636363668,126,3,27,2,4,42,30,33,0.24,0.62,0.14,-0.5709,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,4,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,17,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062391489670541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944261320452167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674889225099586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798490765950948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29383679768292337,0.0,0.2706169348889623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358326568425031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27678695078731225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231097600851613,0.3489429414661925,0.0,0.0,0.2499352069577816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Glitterwave-,2019/02/12,"This Morning So it started again. I dread the moment I wake up and wish I had not.I feel lost and alone in this world. Too stupid to even do the most basic stuff like keeping me alive without getting super anxious.If it would not be for civilisation I would be one of those who had been dead for a long time due to no survival or social skills whatsoever. It is just downhill from here. No one could ever love me, I am too complicated. Life is fucking hard. I hate my parents for throwing me into this mess and at the same time making me depend on them. Everything feels fake.I learned not to tell these thoughts to anyone cause the best society can do is take my freedom ""for your own good""and thus traumatize me even further ...I just needed to put these thoughts somewhere.I should focus on something else now. I am sorry for anyone who read this mess up to here.",3.159784313725492,5.211719723529414,3.61470588235294,89.33284313725491,75.29411764705881,5.945098039215687,26.03921568627451,6.742157984588678,0.9942274509803926,683,25,136,6,15,213,113,170,0.196,0.6990000000000001,0.105,-0.9325,1,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,5,12,11,3,1,5,0,17,4,1,4,1,29,32,5,1,6,6,1,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,1,5,1,0,2,5,7,0,2,6,3,17,4,21,20,4,20,0,1,0,2,8,9,1,3,10,99,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300926930583612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780665951216998,0.0,0.2201024342924232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517179968360945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168357505970302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566364433201566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147971024939895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079101085009186,0.1423688733104274,0.0,0.0,0.14145258708681474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916290531258034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550513979830218,0.08223012988653097,0.0,0.0,0.13201182804594264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099112713675732,0.15539070358153076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398960606437564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116968599481067,0.07689313206746425,0.0,0.0,0.1392857916312802,0.0,0.0,0.17181051045022666,0.0,0.1420512261231742,0.0,0.10505949549751294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167031887524492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330398485074256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476371495797285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822109662234649,0.0,0.0,0.1574332638197948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043996909167774,0.0,0.1211670284631384,0.0,0.17618597116913204,0.1114019274925116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017466367248272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833819758416265,0.0,0.13756638431319054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24990122519278554,0.1835515327046512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099150495260924,0.15171899098949834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361163478906285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Freddans67,2019/02/12,"Help me?! What do you do when you've had enough? Like I have gotten bullied since I was 7. I'm 14 (15 in a week)
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suicidewatch,tiredtared,2019/02/12,"does it ever feel like your brain was dipped in tar i just sit in lectures zoning out thinking of nothing, i try to do something that involves anything more than the bare minimum of breathing sometimes and i always end up fucking that up so i just sit in my bed on my phone and half-read through askreddit or this sub. i've been slipping again recently and i think i might do it next week, just walk onto the highway or something quick like that. why did we have to exist? couldn't they have the courtesy to ask us first? sorry for the inarticulate rant friends but i feel so very stuck. and i'm sorry you guys feel the way you do",2.886034359341448,4.785537889763784,3.3143020758768778,91.86439513242664,75.61417322834646,5.563063707945597,26.50608446671439,6.11248444174946,0.8008330708661413,500,19,103,3,11,155,88,127,0.065,0.8759999999999999,0.059,-0.182,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,2,3,1,1,8,4,1,0,5,0,10,3,2,0,1,20,19,9,0,1,6,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,15,3,16,13,1,20,0,0,0,1,11,8,1,3,10,69,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570510939536846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410017611544942,0.0,0.16370371936197511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548008422477195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323948000299822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509501797324798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583965436784805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656218332398451,0.1250982426130241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894802841398114,0.0,0.0,0.13528914458449762,0.1618858862586583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338590909915627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710992869282925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576347870068205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623091127782107,0.0,0.0,0.16802226222427494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515686026891836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289947937986005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696156550246085,0.1731877464914806,0.3920414375546363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440615957879428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888783778698027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106351355490286,0.0,0.0,0.1444836543034291,0.0,0.13899374911822324,0.14046225692722644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800906298940207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdrianaWuah,2019/02/12,"What to do if thinking on suicide Hi i have been talking pills for depression but now they are not working at all, my psychiatrist is having a baby and is not answering my messages, and i dont know what to do. I want to die. I have no strenght for anything ",0.8491194968553479,3.1487501698113256,2.9946226415094337,89.3257704402516,85.0377358490566,5.79748427672956,27.701257861635213,7.1686216300943375,1.5530654088050315,201,10,42,3,6,68,39,53,0.234,0.741,0.026,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,11,13,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,7,12,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30451767338458313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187214856653553,0.0,0.3840510219935312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336930720802469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033685025351481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047720513709453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974302717419691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371115825471133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826368264168464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693990854212227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrunnr,2019/02/12,the hole just keeps getting bigger The hole I'm in is getting deeper and deeper.  I am going to make sure my dog is taken care of and then just end it all.,0.8601960784313754,2.3409689411764703,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,80.17647058823529,4.533333333333334,17.215686274509807,3.1291,-0.8138901960784308,120,2,27,0,3,41,26,34,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,2,8,11,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44027371096563306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38246820753794175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512208066838214,0.0,0.2454157331556696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838253291261313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882461110884605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069893455044329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeekPeek,2019/02/12,"What happens if I check myself into the emergency room? I live in California. If I check myself into the emergency room and report thoughts of suicide, what will happen to me? Will they place me in a psych ward and hold me against my will? Will I be put on a national list somewhere of mentally ill people and have certain rights taken away from me? Will I be restricted from obtaining or owning firearms? Will I have more difficulty obtaining life insurance? Are there any negative or lasting consequences that I'm not thinking of?",5.414768041237114,7.703092783505159,5.926378865979384,74.16936211340209,69.61855670103093,9.798453608247424,33.774484536082475,10.125756701596842,3.9942587628865986,428,21,70,12,8,138,64,97,0.215,0.765,0.02,-0.9655,0,0,0,1,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,1,15,17,7,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,14,1,13,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,4,1,57,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887444295864932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076862139139045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908754686080939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262413872774822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604272038460765,0.0,0.0,0.2450829191642945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797064710529171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241915294318185,0.0,0.2899820776539491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27901575799655104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370273287814474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035961187537715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784369234252748,0.0,0.2203447620447853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alternative_Bat,2019/02/12,where did it all go wrong? lmao. cant even fathom life and the world anymore.,-1.1008333333333304,0.7010222500000012,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,107.75,2.1333333333333333,11.583333333333332,3.1291,-2.033891666666667,60,1,14,0,3,18,16,16,0.155,0.65,0.195,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5349335197406989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562643909356094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30654981775171136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809896570879735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.589742234910717,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrstrexona,2019/02/12,Lost my phone and need to talk feeling suicidal I don’t mean to sound dramatic.. I haven’t really got the streangth to articulate how I’m feeling in this post. I’ve been trying to get on a suicide chat online for ages and it ain’t working. Does anyone have time to talk?,2.253035714285716,4.131902517857147,4.1601428571428585,85.18485714285717,77.39285714285714,7.337142857142857,25.485714285714288,8.238735603445708,1.6633542857142856,215,8,44,4,5,73,43,56,0.197,0.75,0.052000000000000005,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,13,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,8,10,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740101432103737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778087142389008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516642765561149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002015833002945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990377285422498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716623432594221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710837468056933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452806897120289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834106785376186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942741226110632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.544429417550969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000518046096748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511347225712826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896100740125242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117454832649535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoomyEU,2019/02/12,Ill prob kill myself tonight I just cant do it anymore I care for noone and I have some people that care for me but its just because they know about my   depresion and shit so they just fake it. Im thinking abou doing it on xnanax an alcohol but dont know how much I need so Id apriciate someone teling me how much is enough to kill me,0.1659246575342479,2.220873041095892,2.03176369863014,96.74846746575344,85.7123287671233,5.293835616438357,20.08390410958904,6.6274283507984215,0.09001506849315044,264,8,62,3,8,87,50,73,0.25,0.6990000000000001,0.051,-0.9615,0,0,1,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,3,0,1,0,6,3,1,2,0,14,12,8,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,11,2,5,12,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291965255877173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269041134132388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307351110936868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373201716796733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513499171310449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159838297188852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165765158704946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745447266713766,0.0,0.2357273359894297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153110647450282,0.15902215276845452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868216037507934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014395689956595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171443896104694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741971099091094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Poes_Ting,2019/02/12,"Why not do whatever you want with what you have and die? Seriously, what’s wrong with just doing whatever you want for the remainder of your life and when you can’t anymore just kill yourself?",7.55108108108108,7.2316918108108155,7.252027027027029,76.01966216216219,63.32432432432432,11.724324324324325,34.71621621621622,11.20814326018867,3.761983783783784,155,6,30,4,2,49,28,37,0.303,0.639,0.057,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,5,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,6,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699880553387425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871907551618517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127498731257681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26351241253022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400961084168867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33664025193213365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078966349902845,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifesucks1234567890,2019/02/12,"Help(?) Hi, I just wanted to share something and maybe get some help... I'm 22 and I'm Brazilian, so if I fuck anything up, sorry, I've been having suicidal thoughts for a while now and today was the first time I actually said something about it to my family, but it was trough a fight. My house is very loud, my parents and my sister are always arguing and yelling, and I hate that, usually when I'm upset I just keep it to myself till I explode in anger and start yelling back. That happened today and I told my dad that I wanted to kms but didn't have the balls to do it. I searched it up online painless ways to kms, but I'm scared, not to die, but to feel pain. I have Attention Deficit Disorder so I'm doing bad at college, I don't have a job, I also have depression (as you can see) and Anxiety, besides that, I had a surgery 1 year ago to fix my flat foot and still haven't fully recovered so I'm still having trouble walking and I have a fast metabolism so I some medicines won't take my pain away. Having all of this together fucked my head up, I can't stand this anymore, I have the urge to cry everyday when I wake up and I can't put an end to my life because I'm too scared of feeling pain again. Please help me... ",3.501258549931599,3.900260689922483,4.827273141814867,87.4843707250342,71.94573643410854,8.086092111263111,28.354765161878706,8.124751697461798,1.634405107159143,950,34,214,13,17,317,143,258,0.28,0.6609999999999999,0.058,-0.997,2,0,2,0,3,0,34.0,0,1,0,1,16,16,6,3,9,0,24,9,3,0,1,30,47,27,2,3,8,3,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,11,12,0,1,4,1,0,2,7,15,0,1,8,7,31,1,24,38,3,31,0,1,1,2,13,7,2,3,20,137,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.1181580655808404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073314330256584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682882180443912,0.10074949723180224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262700651928422,0.0,0.12008030002906843,0.0,0.0,0.09963974739726718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376004326065213,0.0931041899696858,0.10109798448144762,0.07381015093938736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300232846492593,0.0,0.0,0.10428730775724328,0.0,0.12566346771857045,0.0,0.1387698746777175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724225903130044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414485043412265,0.0,0.12244487633849435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299185140897887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387576821658112,0.06326007976218301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707195951432312,0.0,0.0,0.1195429013238066,0.12426453818014567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24347510633961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971177985785627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015469315905065,0.10762278944410124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552343542291399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164262864706525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865177187237784,0.0,0.13444666283553616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291111318153484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172033786400666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517622198965242,0.0,0.24244738363810464,0.0,0.09648626906070593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864288891602576,0.0,0.1355408121635786,0.0857021000521554,0.0,0.19339166464212887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324434949991855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103820981940704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961251761378544,0.07060358907002713,0.0,0.2295421849176026,0.11569855013489312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335415221234667,0.09990490786280362,0.14283399687576734,0.096108848894419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797250813445594
suicidewatch,fastcatdan,2019/02/12,I can't speak to people I want to tell people what's wrong with me but anytime someone asks if I'm fine I say I am because I don't want to have to deal with the confrontation. How do I tell people what's wrong,0.8587500000000006,2.0680740416666694,2.8566666666666656,95.955,79.41666666666666,5.633333333333334,20.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.17776666666666685,166,4,41,1,4,56,29,48,0.204,0.69,0.107,-0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22532815123050445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469281105955371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848874150496306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012943054184921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167472091298152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042217959744708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213372707831354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284328497133128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270514098824399,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dwhicha0,2019/02/12,"Nothing matters, so I can just end it I am a mostly analytical person needing to know the why to everything. As such I questioned creation and purpose and realized that it was all bullshit force fed to us as children. The reason we do what we do is to fulfill our biological purpose and distract ourselves with “Wants”, to an extent with no fucking endgame. Being 19 and in college I asked myself why am I here, why am I existing and honestly all I have is food that’s my want, but food isn’t distracting enough for the suffering that is life so the only logical thing is to end it.",4.741578947368421,5.900187850877195,6.218377192982459,75.86072368421056,69.6140350877193,8.857894736842105,35.30263157894737,9.188382445141503,3.356284210526315,461,24,84,9,8,157,75,114,0.129,0.813,0.058,-0.7985,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,4,0,0,0,5,5,1,2,6,0,14,5,0,1,2,23,21,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,9,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,13,1,12,18,5,3,0,1,0,1,8,1,1,2,2,69,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323373228801664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32824775060087685,0.19146802142472366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665388122909766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44813938802143377,0.0,0.0,0.17131007402055867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183794216436763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308853224223733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740017659397202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780367914687678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093164062998564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179984435383585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758229744926104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052283157347685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310739299499103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289726112738625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185935777896993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016226843898666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemonCleaner98,2019/02/12,"Near death experience I had it. I lost consciousness. I saw a blinding light, felt such warmth, joy and just... pure love. Three figures were waiting for me. I couldn't see their faces sadly. I woke up with a broken rope next to me. After that experience, I strongly feel that there is something after death. This can't be the end. If it is, living is pointless.",1.5163768115942031,4.200250492753625,2.44927536231884,91.1576811594203,87.55072463768116,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.3333884057971015,280,9,55,3,9,88,54,69,0.202,0.632,0.166,-0.4404,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,3,1,0,1,11,16,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,6,9,3,7,8,0,6,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,1,4,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678527994999434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5916461394412371,0.0,0.0,0.1529117495656152,0.0,0.2903689373756386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670408478240694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301252348354692,0.0,0.2729442701712045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216252307201388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409881842723195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23281633714310854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mysticmutes,2019/02/12,"I never do things right, i’m ruining everyone’s life. Today was the day that really did it for me, another day of yelling and name calling. She drove me to school and it was quiet the whole time. I realized she’d be happier if i wasn’t here anymore. I do nothing for her, for anyone. I feel like i’m choking, I can’t cry even though I want to. I want to live, but there’s no point. I’m going to end my relationship to make it easier, but i know that’s going to be the hardest part. I wanted to have a life with him but I know that I can’t with the feeling I constantly have with my mother. If i left I would know she’s constantly disappointed in me and causing her so much stress. Thanks for the vent.",0.9625260170293259,2.6779832516556334,3.4641106906338703,89.43716887417222,80.72185430463577,7.2281929990539275,22.04399243140965,8.192908349453996,1.0912191106906333,545,17,125,11,14,190,84,151,0.116,0.773,0.111,-0.3963,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,0,14,2,0,2,1,25,30,10,0,6,5,1,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,5,4,26,2,16,21,3,15,0,2,0,0,10,4,0,2,9,86,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247017018397478,0.0,0.0,0.153660804819331,0.10833903133819063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821307978950885,0.0,0.0,0.1591680888180604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348744611586409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701964837680968,0.19984951139129653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723260042990948,0.0,0.0,0.10233771304174544,0.0,0.0,0.14805369678335004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668663585635506,0.11069057773318164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611418979981106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554561717494901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834490893961074,0.0,0.21888019791452545,0.07569682245023139,0.0,0.1368166023887778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034249713018405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390017930664376,0.0,0.11950080281089548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867100359813396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778705968860605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146470247827961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925979655243998,0.0,0.0,0.16634969548556844,0.0,0.13231959986336714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680955042253353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748550860253948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264975325561774,0.0,0.0,0.10293656326310442,0.0,0.152229703526257,0.0,0.090347911497618,0.0,0.14686687519055225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741663733790534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729871815316376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006633337280754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skye-So-Blue,2019/02/12,"I was so close THIS IS NOT INTEDED AS A ""GUIDE"", JUST MY EXPERIENCE

Two days ago, I came within inches of ending my life. I've tried many times, but I've always been too scared of the pain prior to the darkness. This time, I decided that I would leave it up to chance. I put my head through a noose, stood on my plastic desk chair with only my heels actually on the chair. I wore the ""slipperyest"" socks I had, and stood there for over an hour crying and shaking. I figured that, since I knew my fear would prevent me from stepping off the chair, I would just stand there until I slipped off. Obviously I didn't slip, but that has only served to inspire me to do it again, and again, and again, until my ""luck"" runs out. 

I knkw I need help, but I refuse to go back to the psych wards. My self harm has gone out of control, and I'm having daily/nightly breakdowns. The rational (for lack of a better word) part of my shattered mind is scared. I've had to cover all my mirrors, as everytime I look into them, I dissociate, and speak AT myself as if I'm two different people. I barely eat anymore, and my personal hygiene is virtually non-existent.

I don't know what to do.",3.966737288135593,4.691183173728817,5.0625,85.03832627118646,71.07627118644069,7.933898305084746,27.03813559322034,8.07648339933343,1.522386440677966,903,29,191,12,16,298,142,236,0.168,0.767,0.066,-0.9776,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,2,10,9,0,4,11,0,17,5,2,1,2,38,29,17,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,8,13,1,3,5,0,0,7,3,6,0,2,11,2,34,3,34,15,3,34,0,0,1,0,6,13,0,2,13,131,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.14410686759707286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090258825751028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287518745913885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645124572953142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135508872013035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060415322216215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889777645557602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562704677716902,0.0,0.0,0.16221109277626306,0.09523642003602056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542861281733827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110563434482133,0.0,0.0,0.13079383067981235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445185028663132,0.0,0.16617239835795086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392557398470925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515543882891849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898163317639476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542747400668082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115683680905167,0.0,0.0,0.15636364869234198,0.0,0.0,0.10430531614030693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400754389628288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971653908461954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491069313077013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949714293493948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858045455309248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462288449189774,0.15713374408605768,0.0,0.0,0.1599147156464736,0.0,0.10237738254097642,0.1289417606530222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845145378957228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956914776950986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540544201444991,0.0,0.0,0.12215605661740912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221781707371397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025980156294542,0.0,0.28850876852583096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147065054282801,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crayonoyarc,2019/02/12,"I just can't get out of the loop. You can say I'm a puny little pussy bitch scared of life, but if you look it my way, i find myself in a dark tunnel with no light at the end. How i survived this long? I tried ""mind vacation"", the way to not get out of control is to stay in hibernation, where i sit all day on the bed, watching videos, playing games, eating junk, masturbate and not for a single moment  get into trigger zone. Tried this recklessly and got myself into more worse situation, hence more anxiety,hence the mind vacation again. This cycle, is what I can't seem to get out and now I'm starting to believe ending it all, maybe, is the destined option afterall. Lonely 21 year old only child here with mom and dad and a dog. Always believed i have been a burden to them, a disappointment. Studying in a college that i later found was not for me but i didn't have the capacity to quit because of how much of a more disappointment i would be considering all the money spent in college. During the mind vacation when i often went for a piss, kept seeing glimpses a metal blade besides the sink. Casually thought of it laughingly as maybe an option to cut myself when things go wrong, and now i cant get my eyes off of it. I brought it to my room from the bathroom, and i have it feets away on a desk and seriously thinking of loosing myself to sleep on a blood soaked bed with a picture of me, mom and dad by my side. ",7.085609756097561,5.558263048780487,7.617543554006968,76.96129790940769,64.85365853658536,10.429965156794426,33.39198606271777,9.23628265651192,2.705666202090593,1113,37,228,16,14,370,162,287,0.13699999999999998,0.8170000000000001,0.045,-0.9793,0,2,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,2,1,3,11,13,3,1,25,0,15,7,5,4,3,44,35,17,0,2,7,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,12,17,1,2,5,4,2,3,8,10,0,0,10,6,27,3,42,23,8,40,0,3,4,0,10,19,2,5,14,156,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351859484441604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688673543142432,0.0,0.0,0.07583882123917725,0.0,0.0,0.2803336029989589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953573138030406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023377692440861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730188465146178,0.0,0.0,0.22037962010507825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370794631810735,0.0,0.0,0.13640849597054674,0.0,0.0,0.3249939079924141,0.0,0.07070473437362816,0.0,0.0995015697068862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787404507714625,0.0,0.12469091173567345,0.0,0.11009841237641396,0.10447257057914412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499719469915224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768541150507461,0.2914135933264171,0.0,0.0,0.0914552306334774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054674724201062,0.0,0.0,0.0946189619455649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323247207456451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893535577684298,0.1245555221986724,0.0,0.09913819194515754,0.11325765382013905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398413887069023,0.124499256379933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805762029961027,0.1326038772135895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826520835274544,0.07971652610682918,0.0,0.09876717439163217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893164505856753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750079678857346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532876891123095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678381676398218,0.08837687495197974,0.1360221590542416,0.0,0.08011558072595347
suicidewatch,RussianEgg93,2019/02/12,"How can I kill self painless? I had enough, I sick of pain. Is there way I can go painless. I would like to make it look like accident / natural so it not upset people I of love. Please help me.",-2.095304878048782,-0.6359258048780454,0.5111890243902444,100.52580792682929,111.92682926829269,4.001219512195123,14.88109756097561,5.985473137389443,-0.6002951219512189,146,4,35,2,8,49,31,41,0.24,0.3670000000000001,0.393,0.7309,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,0,4,9,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,7,3,3,7,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111917979131857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116332558650846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186964118401307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332028526169809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29427543303900155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529091265431188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718200244752805,0.0,0.2010350450106799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32046887405892743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087951553807461,0.0,0.0,0.3305970675691933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141886986443232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390567865348361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139443695776892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkplshelpme62,2019/02/12,I want to end it. I have nobody to talk about what's going on in my head. The one that was always saying that he will be there for me doesn't really give a shit. Everything is so complicated that the only way out is to end it all. ,1.3838235294117638,2.4004579215686306,3.958970588235297,89.38786764705885,77.62745098039215,7.452941176470588,16.67156862745098,8.07648339933343,0.14660392156862745,178,2,43,3,4,63,42,51,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.5315,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,7,2,2,0,1,3,10,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,8,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433386300926436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180409851708847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628317489776459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805410018870185,0.16620389051263287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30013412791807675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198169084626971,0.22241848061429434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734849675952286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325649220668872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001917777140617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350571434252697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724923204849248,0.2321301472695244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2019wontbebetter,2019/02/12,"I don't even know anymore I have no idea what to ask for anymore. I want no advice, no comfort, nothing on here. In the end nobody really cares. Fuck this world.",-0.4318181818181834,1.8102603636363668,1.6446060606060615,95.02690909090909,96.87878787878788,3.852121212121212,18.72121212121212,5.6839178017228535,-0.18935878787878746,124,4,26,1,5,41,28,33,0.263,0.557,0.18,-0.5082,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805363497412901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569422782855687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683859226018481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29270251017233323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542722893037032,0.0,0.0,0.18961707710640094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654056554675927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240842638829121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777452637351122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754660067618858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391414012517654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693302980749367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pass_The_Capo,2019/02/12,"Last day Hey everyone. 
Today is gonna be my last day, tonight I’m going to hang myself with my girlfriend. Neither of us enjoy life and we just want to be with each other, I hope yous can understand. 
I’m scared of my family calling me a coward for this. I tried to talk to my dad about my depression but he wouldn’t listen and I’ve spent the last 3 or 4 years building up the courage to do it. 
My life has barely begun but I can’t see it going anywhere. I hope those reading this can find happiness in life and continue to keep going. I love everyone in this community, but this is my decision and please respect it. 

Love,
A Scotsman ",2.9892366412213747,4.248151320610692,4.741900763358782,84.39804198473283,73.9618320610687,7.9880916030534355,26.84045801526717,8.548686976883017,1.855778015267176,497,18,103,9,10,169,83,131,0.056,0.706,0.239,0.9845,0,0,0,1,0,1,12.0,2,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,4,0,10,5,0,0,0,21,26,8,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,9,8,0,1,3,1,1,4,3,2,0,0,1,2,16,8,15,21,2,17,0,1,1,2,11,3,0,3,10,65,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051048299991036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275151487721807,0.0,0.13538913457080526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004071523319603,0.0,0.0,0.14818651328082166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367052912948472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268007301028913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733367757783524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31225400701185385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397193640941492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843970831643031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330878173895402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837436149580368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725494786995355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723441680164182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573764926702653,0.0,0.12526157542107547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634487757309615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489995208037551,0.0,0.0,0.10672296711955373,0.0,0.0,0.16364228913256962,0.18908247524612248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271584260912187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122641598163083
suicidewatch,Disasterid,2019/02/12,"I’ve made plans to kill myself on Friday I don’t have the will to live anymore. My mother has created a rift between me and my friends. I feel like the only thing left is death. If everything doesn’t magically turn around by Friday, this is it for me.",1.7042307692307688,3.7429286538461604,3.4429230769230803,88.90207692307693,79.76923076923076,6.467692307692308,21.93846153846154,7.554174236665415,0.8356107692307693,198,6,42,3,5,66,43,52,0.15,0.7170000000000001,0.133,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,5,10,2,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,7,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065248231298245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27514719140901284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27778164147992834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628039759113097,0.2208071850313072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387948428132943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419518009598985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33581688901208284,0.0,0.0,0.15100112966561727,0.0,0.2729237615132402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924594609950159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350696629339292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20533936344348536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33619085072874666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MaeveTheBrave,2019/02/12,"I don’t want to participate anymore I don’t want to participate in my life anymore.

There’s nothing I want. Theres nothing that makes me happy or that I’m looking forward to.

I don’t have a job, I dropped out of college, I don’t have any real life friends. I do have a few online gaming friends, and I also have a dog and two cats. All I do all day every day is sit at home and play Minecraft. And sometimes I can’t even manage that because I feel so exhausted for no reason, so I just lay in my bed and watch YouTube videos. 

I’m too anxious to leave the house or even just order a pizza to my house. I’m totally dependent on my parents, who I still live with at 23. I’m such a huge disappointment to them and I feel awful about it. They’re always mad at me and they think I’m just being lazy and pathetic. 

So I want to just opt out now. I’ve had enough with life like this. Im fine with leaving now. To be completely honest, I don’t even really know why I’m posting this here. I think there might still be a part of me that wants to stay... but why?",0.8347556390977431,2.4919402324561446,2.928496240601504,93.40447368421052,80.8859649122807,5.9218045112781965,22.260651629072687,6.868970318607317,0.4294809523809517,815,26,192,9,21,276,120,228,0.083,0.82,0.097,0.0114,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,0,22,10,1,0,7,1,18,5,0,3,3,38,36,15,0,5,7,1,2,1,2,1,4,0,2,0,8,13,1,0,6,3,0,1,7,3,0,1,1,4,26,7,24,31,6,21,0,1,2,0,7,10,0,4,8,123,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529285822280434,0.09915134127232357,0.0,0.0,0.08103343828864366,0.0,0.0,0.13461779966754786,0.23635101187397134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726393249220386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493784414519506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536977314917377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312497238295972,0.0,0.23611377727772165,0.0,0.10039812338730753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050257375431606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412669536164736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684890005116795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952801011191105,0.0,0.0,0.27499115618568826,0.0,0.0,0.12871412494727053,0.0,0.1182487189933468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654876658944057,0.0,0.0,0.2523481886729285,0.0,0.0,0.2525004163411997,0.058215953648011215,0.0,0.1052211800327574,0.0,0.10006507057652927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795407672404409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641079059627555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286760256010143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231397988081856,0.1290395471486283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412311870702226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563109156105752,0.07633746738850336,0.1225171608358123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785308990068473,0.0,0.0,0.12700957063219953,0.19032395661525686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270687352241755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640279848067447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514206710365801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150481969176612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kira3333,2019/02/12,"I’m tired. Life’s kicked my ass since day 8. I’ve had more surgeries I can count on my stupid janky heart and now that I’m finally “fixed”, I’m more psychologically damaged than ever.

I was incorrectly diagnosed as autistic at 4 when I really had ptsd. I’ve been punished, physically, for being mentally ill. Everyone says I’m in control when I’m fucking not. The belt isn’t a fucking cure. 

And now I’m 27, engaged, and about to destroy my love, family, and friends. My first attempt was at 14, then 19 and my dad did the whole “suicide is selfish” bit. 

But I’ve been in mental and/or physical pain my entire life. We’re compassionate when it comes to animals, euthanizing  them when they’re terminally fucked, but for some reason, I’m expected to suffer and suffer.

I was planning on going the OD route, but now I want it to look accidental. But I’m afraid wrapping my car around a fir tree won’t work and just disable me. 

I’ve been on and off meds since I was 8. I’ve been on them and consistently in outpatient for over a year and went through inpatient torture. 

After spending so long actually trying and working so hard to get better but seeing zero results confirms that it’s all hopeless. My love doesn’t deserve to deal with this shit and I want him to leave me because he deserves better than this. 

My letters are written and they have been for some time. I’m at peace with the concept of death. I just want to sleep forever. I’m all prepared and am giving myself time to spend with my family before I bite the bullet. The jump scares me, but whatever is or isn’t beyond that is comforting to anticipate. 

I’m so tired. I just want to sleep. ",2.9502943650126165,4.959240463414638,4.578351555929356,82.38304878048784,75.76829268292683,7.572918418839363,27.16400336417157,8.433251757073789,1.9949616063919249,1304,52,256,25,29,438,180,328,0.184,0.701,0.115,-0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,3,8,17,24,8,2,9,0,24,17,5,3,3,43,52,30,3,5,11,1,1,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,8,19,0,1,1,0,2,5,5,16,0,2,14,4,28,8,39,36,8,36,0,4,2,6,14,14,5,3,17,154,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.11150482341852892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171885897508412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965405033108378,0.0,0.09722993606327536,0.0,0.0,0.20211379631791385,0.12474629359236974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984280025341284,0.0,0.0,0.12815638083160855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369059071370046,0.11780078868052968,0.0,0.11597518261570902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335799807801628,0.0,0.10918379832263428,0.0,0.0,0.21543516863151926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517022516838305,0.0,0.0971925881525918,0.0,0.0,0.08827979968000216,0.31690466342644524,0.05969803236579103,0.10961208892066863,0.06493865603705462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023577718132506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540295567307767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098868934731208,0.0,0.0,0.16141556681889874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111971984445296,0.09595267397930286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062547804899084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692113775528116,0.0,0.23030173463898435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158456206541032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335680727275004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320020940906416,0.11748204566105508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086702744324802,0.11439783043145395,0.0,0.09105332201436467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728997761724301,0.1890401165434075,0.0,0.228692306351159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498586914249275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325608697582328,0.2626584753436981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757750658012401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26958260566475784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592353287019468,0.0,0.12757126604133062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663705718985374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358203359451511
suicidewatch,popular_juice_bar,2019/02/12,"It’s like there’s a hangover to every “good time” I have|might just sleep forever if it’s easier on my friends and family It was my birthday two days ago and I enjoyed myself as best I could. Some of my friends even got me a cake. So many things that should make me happy happened and I even felt grateful to be alive. 

It feels like that was a night of drinking and now I’m in the hangover. I spent the whole next day sleeping curled up in my bean bag chair, missing class. I forgot to take my antidepressants until the day after. I don’t know if I’ll even get up for class today. 

I want to kill myself so badly so I won’t have to deal with responsibilities again. I know I’ll fuck up and drop the ball it’s what I always do eventually. There are still things which make me happy but since that feeling always ends I just wind up back in my suicidal thoughts promptly after the fleeting moments of enjoyment. If every good thing ends why seek them out. They seem like distractions from my suicide more than anything else. 

Drugs are usually my go to way of staying alive but I’m not sure I can keep it up. It feels like so much work to go out to smoke. I can stay alive just as easily if I sleep here and don’t get up all day. My friends and family can go on being glad I’m alive and I don’t have to be cognizant of my longing to kill myself. I wonder how long it will take for me to sleep until my roommate calls someone. ",1.6614237451737424,3.62861974662162,3.0038030888030924,92.3556756756757,79.57432432432431,5.850193050193052,21.72007722007723,6.868970318607317,0.405346911196911,1119,33,246,12,28,363,152,296,0.109,0.6990000000000001,0.192,0.9643,0,0,3,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,2,2,18,22,3,1,8,0,20,7,4,3,2,41,49,23,4,7,10,0,4,4,3,3,1,0,0,0,16,11,1,2,9,2,1,3,5,6,0,1,7,4,37,16,40,35,6,43,0,1,0,1,7,13,1,7,27,161,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051987386817648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511642317763072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474958329091684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984661828903083,0.07584355048000709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532587882415236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275283730058527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252447061266612,0.0,0.0,0.23432461133226176,0.09364704419809662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898385914665548,0.1053399279938792,0.0,0.07588110652712471,0.0,0.1609059513530267,0.0,0.0,0.17998726641508225,0.0,0.15306505185786665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126257798980954,0.0,0.1377869332494112,0.12978528906526454,0.08721598243329998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105370191922667,0.08397562629500557,0.09491522659767472,0.0,0.1548711157246822,0.1523764171337674,0.0726491620557844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032521724414858,0.1933913982589438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073844899945318,0.20099125545971594,0.0,0.09984123844136597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750985104995531,0.0,0.0,0.16077248683374526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126632701594656,0.09209257818003333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963617324965806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677428196070775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660420541576528,0.08524262865802709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269290294289466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513976921310632,0.0,0.3636029734692493,0.0,0.07696432215804819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363635354284645,0.07254106278641748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987178072884853,0.0,0.08561104758287655,0.0,0.13659344639684168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810404990028625,0.0,0.0,0.07211295740667115,0.05296670254276866,0.0,0.08610109478633607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873273615439768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000420772670466,0.0,0.05357692098350583,0.07210070873407846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196458833737491,0.1014141935991486,0.0,0.0,0.09850683815531518,0.06612906617330674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaghetMaster,2019/02/12,"I don't know how I've lasted this long It was a shitty day coupled with a shitty life, and I'm an asshole and a waste of space even though I don't want to be. I'm probably better off dead, but I'll never understand the people who actually like me. They make me want to live. I want to kill myself every day though.",2.262173913043484,3.018137246376813,4.499246376811595,87.38452173913046,75.08695652173913,7.259130434782609,21.046376811594204,7.554174236665415,0.559606376811594,246,5,56,3,5,86,49,69,0.272,0.6559999999999999,0.073,-0.9057,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,5,0,4,1,0,2,1,12,12,6,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,6,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.21285275268730267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929085961639217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413446072772387,0.0,0.2813375170631065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406559159761462,0.0,0.18377472769075254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413164389388565,0.0,0.1198725390555345,0.17779615770768464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406395288849256,0.10656196219573233,0.0,0.19260313893739825,0.1930285171527752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455961759716869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822687689257662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121630252693427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351692537778527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42860176655098026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270696489688877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859568442858782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blahblahblaaaaaaaah,2019/02/12,"Recurrent thoughts, first in 10 years I'm scared. I had one serious attempt in 2008. I'm in a similar situation now; I'm perpetuating this recurrent cycle in my love relationships. I need to be alone but I'm terrified. I haven't slept in 35 hours I think. 

It's fucking lovesickness. I hate love. ",1.2786206896551704,3.941726086206895,3.920258620689655,79.86935344827589,89.86206896551724,8.417241379310347,27.9396551724138,8.841846274778883,3.0961655172413782,235,12,46,8,8,82,41,58,0.247,0.619,0.133,-0.7325,2,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,4,15,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,6,2,6,11,0,9,0,0,0,3,3,5,1,0,4,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794418456873005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22950029426258456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24943504743856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26638156956585124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265708554281806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48702821599093804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000607364320615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828302754591068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896750246074375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27012693299000096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032778055091379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728833882732871,0.0,0.21419904495237654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374882882908674
suicidewatch,Gohome1989,2019/02/12,"Father of 2 and husband to wife with brain damage The stress is too much
I know this is selfish 
But the future is so grim 
And I am not the right  person for this 
I can't keep taking these blows. 
",-0.8842857142857135,1.2519024761904802,0.9066666666666664,101.03000000000004,95.66666666666666,2.8000000000000003,11.761904761904766,3.1291,-1.811980952380952,152,2,35,0,6,49,34,42,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.9305,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,7,8,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,8,1,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44660861598281454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555991528774057,0.0,0.0,0.2198671156800478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940962873758639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34932427285442336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34165620549296416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582769707718901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008016281539617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway61506722,2019/02/12,"What Should Be In A Note? These last few weeks I have made a few throwaway accounts to talk about the some of the things in my life. I made the mistake of calling the National Suicide Hotline while drunk and it seemed like they were waiting for me to say the wrong thing. At least here it seems like I can openly talk about how I really feel and that brings me to the title.

I very much have made my decision that i will end my life in the light of the shit its thrown at me in these last two weeks. I am tired of always being fucked over and never being able to take a step forward without something taking me two steps backwards. It's like the balances of life have been and always will be tipped against me.  My wife leaving me will be the final straw and I can't blame her. I'm just a miserable piece of shit that just downloaded all my hate and frustration into her. I have not slept for more than an hour or have eaten in weeks. My family and my marriage was not something I wanted to be a failure at. I never appreciate just how much of an amazing person she is and always take her for granted. She came over for a little bit today and laid together embraced for a while just like when we first got together. As much as I ached for her touch it still hurt to know this is the end.

I know shes trying to shake some loneliness because we've been together for so long that its familiar and safe. I haven't told her how much I miss her or the pain I'm feeling....we've had these conversations so many times because this behavior from me has been going on for years. I know her mind is made up and I'll be getting served papers before much longer. She deserves happiness. 

Should I wait for the divorce to finalize so she doesnt have to absorb my debt? And exactly what should be included in a note? I thought about just writing the numbers for her and my parents and a brief paragraph for arrangments and apologizing for hurting everyone from my decision. Then just reporting it to the police to handle and make the phone calls. I dont feel it necessary to delve into details for everyone to linger on the reasons and create a possibility to over analyze or feel guilty for not ""seeing the signs"". I came so close to pulling the trigger yesterday but I stopped because of the mess it would make in the kitchen.",5.0394771241830085,5.759170583877996,5.364799564270153,83.85059803921574,68.65141612200435,8.64723311546841,29.679084967320264,8.745826893841286,2.1418528104575163,1834,66,369,29,30,583,222,459,0.101,0.847,0.051,-0.9477,2,0,2,0,1,2,30.0,1,0,1,1,19,21,5,2,33,0,38,12,3,11,4,79,74,34,1,6,14,2,4,4,0,7,5,1,1,1,22,24,3,4,12,1,2,10,10,14,0,3,17,7,53,7,65,42,14,57,0,4,1,1,30,24,3,7,29,271,75,2,0.08264437553021768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630022283208854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511377327375802,0.0,0.07032427653033642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022625337339776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877829522295162,0.18904629778742807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685859261822344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639677313903407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579404849320593,0.0,0.0,0.07790976208882361,0.0,0.12536243836115787,0.0,0.0,0.1810657475363832,0.0,0.07029726360710434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640339346396079,0.04317827519372987,0.0,0.04696870315420417,0.0,0.06609825681889875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797647451783522,0.0,0.08159421091817629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138806245555162,0.0,0.17694502659345782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625756236280367,0.13473239290998515,0.0,0.08750846078070253,0.0,0.0,0.1751224995646291,0.16150346942164368,0.08283137573775164,0.0,0.07313767167741063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31280042553637843,0.1103315248210271,0.08378842523998098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344726002233488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30376562599217205,0.0,0.1274808745460909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793944242587354,0.0,0.0917667987238571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216188097081891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316911586471703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052944103194838124,0.08497218244637128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572212452397433,0.0,0.0,0.06585686729421313,0.150472671154079,0.0,0.0,0.16966652770035995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724735584407335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599990505452377,0.06909439851343288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039953310512353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641485553785664,0.13285283707576664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098105016776768,0.0,0.0,0.06561040270466463,0.04819059998013269,0.09498755219321567,0.07833720464945752,0.07897024246602967,0.0,0.056110106065731115,0.0,0.16146309239116616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819026503161496,0.048745793929658256,0.0,0.19887699905536735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966622883971157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587081931936937,0.09035865091087228,0.0,0.05322026823917332
suicidewatch,dontbothercalling,2019/02/12,"Running out of options. I feel so stupid. I've always kept suicide as a plan B, in case things go wrong. I recently found out I'm not graduating college on time. I feel like I'm letting everyone down, mainly my family that's invested so much in me, and I've gotten so good at lying about how I'm doing but I can't lie anymore. It's so stupid. It's not the end of the world but it feels like it. I don't want to have the difficult conversations. I don't know what to do, I just want out.

I feel guilty posting this but I don't know where to put these feelings. I feel like I can't be honest with anyone.",0.019058441558442496,1.9524399318181835,2.6583549783549785,92.7968181818182,85.28787878787878,5.892640692640692,20.034632034632033,7.1686216300943375,0.3781995670995677,469,14,110,7,14,163,79,132,0.219,0.701,0.08,-0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,25,27,10,1,2,6,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,9,0,1,3,7,4,0,0,3,6,13,5,16,22,2,17,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,1,6,67,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444384806538216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721518872967524,0.12137622690900547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374676183967215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587003662047978,0.0,0.0,0.16364259102186546,0.0,0.5266255134202664,0.37203225412895613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032943729453555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865362279412512,0.1455967322404896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079800317322285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775047029684111,0.0,0.25441785618322743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760658682044376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662485818345574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450311067356233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139644732498016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987625462934696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532364195554215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122010942167216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477249079448812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897903851822512,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abietron,2019/02/12,"what's the point? I miss school constantly, sometimes I cry all night, I wake up feeling empty, I have no motivation for anything, my mother hates me for it despite the fact my school knows and is understanding of my absences, she's just screamed at me about how I'm not depressed because I don't show any signs when I'm off school or when I'm around my boyfriend which isn't true I just hide it from her, and my boyfriend has seen me crying or panicking numerous times he's been here. She calls me lazy and pathetic and I believe her. What's even the point in existing anymore, nothing makes me happy. i ruin whatever does, my own mother can't stand me anymore and I can't get more help without her ranting about how there's nothing wrong with me and I'm just shy and anxious. I tried to kill myself two weeks ago for the first time in ages and I'm being told I'm not depressed. Just what's the point?",3.482494208494209,4.812120048648652,4.04249034749035,89.61601351351355,72.83783783783784,7.015444015444014,27.808880308880312,7.447530270364453,1.3597258687258682,719,27,153,8,14,227,107,185,0.238,0.693,0.068,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,14,10,2,0,5,0,9,1,1,4,3,30,24,14,1,0,9,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,0,4,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,3,3,29,2,16,20,3,20,0,4,1,0,11,9,0,2,10,94,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751577835491504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901525082461104,0.0,0.0,0.14976696720399,0.26294869126799564,0.0,0.0,0.10909425263778773,0.11801588065254652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081376623437346,0.0,0.0,0.14936159271878532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536933612004834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326164926096738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29124501018886795,0.0,0.0,0.22836561104520545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160133665078704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756158651949658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703164461174031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276442735695655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926263166792691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411237971556688,0.0,0.13088595483965645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885923357514171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666965242984056,0.0,0.07285729773101983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849185997764504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440846432729147,0.0,0.25441000306872524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759660118402828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40250536996478825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111564662053912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460588739612444,0.0,0.0,0.12667682514205136,0.0,0.0900066895178666,0.0,0.12950214715707062,0.1380105998500629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634008476863893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779326269380487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449450661929025,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wherehrfemale,2019/02/12,"How can I work up the courage to just do it? I feel like I need therapy to urge me to just end my life. Let go of whatever is stopping me from following through. I need encouragement to just do it!! I want to die, how can I get through the fear? How?! Help please. ",-0.6926785714285728,1.3952565178571454,1.4371428571428595,99.00785714285715,90.96428571428572,6.057142857142857,22.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,0.7195642857142861,199,8,51,4,7,66,36,56,0.132,0.622,0.246,0.7591,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,3,0,11,13,3,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,10,12,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877223824723512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554469831523604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119623548836088,0.1401765054762918,0.19805413896324867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484194328720154,0.0,0.1575569706759048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582233680841734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834878485789839,0.19581670825931444,0.13544123898939886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111270812789161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043167822432472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177783054194864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31703822108987384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351823893313958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018277318750951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poorthekid,2019/02/12,I’ll never amount to anything (21 M) What’s the point in living another day if I know I’ll just be a disappointment to my family and everyone I know.  My family is spending all our money putting me through school but I know I’ll never make it with my low ambition and bad work ethic.  I’m a horrible investment.  I never had much luck in the romance department but I lost the only girl I’ve ever loved largely because my antidepressant (fluoxetine) gave me ED and despite multiple attempts I couldn’t be intimate with her.  By the time I figured out what was going on she had given up on me and moved on to someone better.  I have no confidence in my ability to graduate or support myself in the future.  Seems to me the most financially responsible thing for me to do is just end it.  I’ve thought about doing it every day since I was 15.  I hate the thought of doing that to my family and friends but it seems preferable to using all their hard earned money just to fail and become a burnout.  There’s nothing here for me.  I hope I die soon.  Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. ,3.1846839959225264,4.924980261467894,4.992966360856268,80.83671763506626,74.36697247706422,8.330682976554536,27.70744138634047,8.998388855275968,2.3542897043832838,859,34,167,19,18,293,131,218,0.158,0.6829999999999999,0.159,0.3066,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,7,8,14,1,0,11,0,13,1,0,2,6,38,33,11,1,4,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,9,1,4,5,5,6,0,0,10,1,29,8,28,20,5,27,0,4,0,1,9,11,0,7,11,117,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129946770066407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422189588376408,0.0,0.11088960780135773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251248765171952,0.0821437117538514,0.1488232566535259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917740136646715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380808764988487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139851545334739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935048366088775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189111130249465,0.11353456983536,0.12876153525852782,0.0,0.0,0.3810972436547441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410924252262377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658280053830317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071153455726588,0.1330399342581723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383937440026078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221689129036973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898869231352925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470979826226745,0.0,0.1216191531998834,0.0,0.08994816325580461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143220300307337,0.09905839754346728,0.0,0.31178769261818085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292984038063861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248514691430928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738441788200086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546321502977482,0.0,0.0,0.13478870090607173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363764559364627,0.0,0.24534674767632025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146844131421904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114175131459768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291523943435714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240617534888135,0.0,0.0,0.08952339730759401,0.0,0.0,0.21395644529816332,0.1571502237983045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971469130443227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638266577078267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810123199869512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omid-7,2019/02/12,"idk what the point is in things anymore. I feel like I’ve lost everything all over again. I just feel so alone, even when I talk to people and am surrounded by loved ones. I just feel so misunderstood and so alone. I don’t understand why I can’t just have something go right in my life for once. I just want to be happy again but instead I’m sitting here, staring into space wondering if tomorrow’s worth living through. Nobody even cares anymore, not truly, and I guess that’s the toughest part. I keep expecting someone to save me like every last time but no one’s coming. I don’t know if I can do this alone anymore. ",2.241533333333333,4.407833040000003,3.2933000000000017,90.00448333333334,78.6,6.406666666666666,24.016666666666666,7.492282038375204,1.0720266666666665,490,17,101,7,12,157,85,125,0.149,0.685,0.166,0.6477,0,3,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,1,26,24,11,0,4,9,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,1,4,13,6,10,22,2,17,0,1,1,1,2,8,0,4,8,65,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511376767585084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319861305356526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803695786260124,0.0,0.0,0.1250734628751639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180112420015144,0.0,0.12233385841746915,0.0,0.13049276641665078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22024631984004966,0.10372802272280672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251821002054141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994971930346008,0.0,0.0,0.15456379915994606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290568404591376,0.0,0.0,0.07979590232689109,0.1183540863180198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255620039122967,0.1418708236953779,0.0,0.1282106926539793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584985419485255,0.0,0.1310450225863566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462895854846398,0.1967770801801286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723307526612906,0.0,0.10066059667829948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725711353261327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239965563680099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302406559561438,0.11177894351932877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670301259596948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646174400589624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466493181897748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511541148062989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564033901254363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101676997073758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745882480391346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FishyR6,2019/02/12,I feel like giving up It just seems to get harder and harder after each day passes. ,1.105882352941176,3.5459963529411773,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,85.47058823529412,3.4000000000000004,8.5,3.1291,-1.7620352941176476,66,0,12,0,2,22,16,17,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475852326816621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725148558187061,0.3850338181885705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815848573004183,0.5170204643932951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633091015480161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906498168862357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nonburningburner,2019/02/12,"Everything I do makes things worse and I can't fix it anymore I'm sick. I'm chronically ill. I started having an issue with mold in my apartment a few months ago and I thought it would be alright but it wasn't, I got infections on my skin and in my hair and in my sinuses because that's what happens when you're on the drugs I'm on, and it made it so I can't be around even the tiniest bit of that kind of mold without being horrifically sick, which is kind of a problem because while that was happening it was spreading all around the apartment and on all my possessions and into the heating system and then I brought it over to my boyfriend's apartment and it got in his heating system, he got an air purifier and it worked for a while and then I tried to vacuum it to make it last longer and somehow fucked up the filter entirely so it just makes things worse, meanwhile he's furious at me like I thought it would be longer before you *decided* you didn't like it any more, and people are side eyeing me and asking like are you just going to get sick again? are you going to get new diagnoses again? are things just going to get mold on them again? like I am not terrified and distraught about all of that and couldn't possibly have any idea but am doing everything I can to keep things under control which apparently doesn't work all that well. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to deal with me. I don't want to deal with me. I just wish they'd say that instead of punishing me for things that hurt me and are not in my control. Nothing is in my control, right now. no one wants me around, and I absolutely understand why. I can't stay healthy. I can't keep anything clean, no matter where I go, or how hard I try. I can't make anyone happy. I can't get out of this situation. I can't fix this. I can't be as healthy as I was 6 months ago, and I was really not healthy then. I can't fix it. I'll probably delete this bc it probably is incoherent and just sounds batshit but hey I wrote it. I'm gonna take some pills tomorrow. That's the one good thing, about being sick like this. You have a lot of pills. ",2.0233892773892777,3.813214509090912,3.4795454545454554,90.21053613053614,77.77272727272727,6.876456876456878,24.23659673659673,7.793537801064563,1.1074953379953378,1664,57,367,26,39,547,191,440,0.157,0.748,0.095,-0.9847,2,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,5,2,5,23,17,3,1,12,1,44,16,3,9,4,75,82,35,0,8,14,0,3,5,0,3,12,2,2,0,38,28,0,5,5,0,0,5,22,6,1,2,14,6,50,11,47,57,9,54,0,1,1,1,16,28,1,4,23,253,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470458076453653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280654029510845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225598132026725,0.11598967412005848,0.0,0.06825403666281413,0.22150736771434065,0.07753938936354529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112110638375553,0.0,0.07057736529036125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055096699598453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790788538117565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101871359429388,0.0,0.08418418400232687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618615905014824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478227855319477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908548860337278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667836024737504,0.17333467481267453,0.0,0.18855095186361825,0.0695676491005951,0.19900840990029067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669032471775215,0.08829309145220879,0.0742995639416023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879091541604384,0.09363119972985512,0.0,0.08656969323990661,0.0,0.1474449706738916,0.0,0.1727422485222573,0.0,0.0676086394344241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026058766511974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051415477356349,0.0,0.07848153932496563,0.2214571898788629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240671148055908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010571005541993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958489680704207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240702435156667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575014027634885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350442050161062,0.0,0.0,0.1788505836090092,0.07936410381192029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313464276508777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083184646509877,0.0,0.06595865068282919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932300615517596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058706634970859164,0.08840492610192965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236191352389154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306170900860946,0.0,0.0,0.13169305357979114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126240794122841,0.0,0.0,0.0863453418879774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676367284310712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457464169066813,0.0,0.07484207631845696,0.0,0.09537897999829056,0.07995293818202806,0.0,0.12076524064366267,0.0,0.16904956608300115,0.11783895408525145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dbjob,2019/02/12,"21 days since I failed an attempt English is not my first language so please forgive some of my mistakes in this wall of text. I need to vent somewhere tonight and this felt like the appropriate sub for it.

​

At the end of November, my girlfriend of 9 years left me because I was depressed. Hated my job, hated waking up in the morning to get ready for work. She had enough of me complaining about my life and left.

​

I then spend like 7 week of just drinking every nights. On january 20. I got drunk of hard liquor and found out my ex-girlfriend was seeing someone else while she was telling me she would think things over. I said my farewell to some people over facebook, told my ex to take care of the cats and went to hang myself. Somehow, it failed and I ended up on the floor for some time before a friend burst in my appartement followed by the police shortly after. They took me to the hospital and I saw a therapist the morning after. Now I have antidepressants to take and I got a new job as well that I like, I'm working for a federal politician, so it's nice.  I also been sober for 21 days now.

​

Things have been running smoothly for like 16 days, haven't spoke to my ex since the attempt and then a few days ago she came to my place without asking. Came back from work, saw her in the driveway and I drove off. She saw me and texted me she was sorry for leaving me so I took the bait, felt stable enough to speak with her. She cried for an hour, I spent one more hour to cheer her up then we cuddled a little and then she suddenly left. Fastfoward to today, I'm asking her why she came back like this to leave right away and she says she can't be with me right now and needs to think our relation over again and that she might come back or she might not.

​

I'm having issue right now, and It's pissing me off for the first time in all these days that I failed to take my life. These toughts are crawling back into my head and I want to have a drink and get this done with. I feel like I'll never be whole again and this emptiness is killing me. I don't know if I should hang on, keep my hopes up ... I don't know. Been reading this sub and I guess it help me think that it might not be the best decision to end it all.

Thanks for reading me.",3.49728883861237,4.576557801282053,3.746611362493717,92.71766968325794,72.48290598290599,6.531523378582205,25.303167420814482,6.522977012572876,0.6522280542986421,1793,54,396,12,34,554,216,468,0.099,0.799,0.102,-0.1856,3,0,2,0,0,1,57.0,2,0,1,11,18,25,4,0,22,0,28,10,3,0,3,66,76,31,1,8,7,2,5,6,2,5,2,4,1,0,21,29,4,1,11,6,2,12,9,10,1,3,28,13,69,15,66,40,11,84,0,4,4,1,35,32,1,11,46,267,90,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546478172469646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003743371952244,0.0,0.27117950743177666,0.3041189761563386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169895388377866,0.0,0.058786841753391286,0.19245074546200466,0.0,0.03814226453066503,0.0,0.05324270338906785,0.0,0.06566365305480347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146912088506616,0.06379457489751365,0.0,0.0,0.05389875954142924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873051918928524,0.2017632851975457,0.0,0.05389169415104117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403112474028097,0.0,0.12259011564450567,0.0,0.0,0.05226944365866438,0.0,0.16625610003956104,0.1293036594710103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052718163126254436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03163741575032595,0.0447002235799985,0.12015457044772684,0.0,0.0,0.10644450366102512,0.0,0.06860508711138813,0.048341646409700886,0.0,0.06538078206889468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008634445958148,0.0,0.06892822235249876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056050684643792884,0.12355040348854385,0.064215163181827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193954261685677,0.0,0.0,0.062146410406808926,0.12323825235123635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530712050091815,0.12418270475661045,0.055615343584325766,0.06922474897872265,0.0,0.06877398375387135,0.0,0.0,0.1325057931984823,0.2039483907915129,0.0,0.08839048439694489,0.1834120820641344,0.0627118626355308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913155111071734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279014591242613,0.04825806055970253,0.06043077044183556,0.0,0.058717973154022066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042399243948651216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043378356774815136,0.0,0.0653726296492403,0.06868338261763401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517443334213654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030404264848458,0.059518668785537424,0.049758401433676366,0.0,0.0,0.04986041555601934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351757145253446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301559880824038,0.0,0.0,0.07004231052839661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411352003946531,0.0,0.054689186343239264,0.05760631116704577,0.0,0.07264892263419452,0.08313783316785603,0.12027753503617072,0.0,0.0,0.07297047186192074,0.0,0.05930931333051881,0.05978858800442567,0.13903577615222065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036905574798794194,0.0,0.05019010785483676,0.0,0.05625819994196517,0.05800328037714408,0.056459949362685925,0.0698574878665576,0.0,0.0603155212042403,0.0,0.1366557364570124,0.0,0.0,0.04444813471165292,0.0,0.3041189761563386,0.04029321161836028
suicidewatch,black153,2019/02/12,Weeeell Fuck this place,4.120000000000001,6.201631000000006,-2.2299999999999978,118.175,114.0,1.6,29.0,3.1291,-0.2336999999999998,20,1,4,0,1,4,4,4,0.5379999999999999,0.462,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6626740414386969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7489079481507084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uteropharmaceutical,2019/02/12,"Everyone in my life needs far too much from me/ I feel like my needs always come last I’ve got too many responsibilities and too many people I care about to kill myself right now, no matter how much I want to. 


My brother being more mentally ill than I is the biggest spite and it’s not even in his control. My mother HAS to take care of him. My mother HAS to take care of my mentally incapacitated uncle. I am independent and don’t need her help like they do, but I crave it so badly. She’s just busy and I’m being selfish to expect more when she’s got 2 jobs and 2 people to care for. 


I’m not in any immediate danger, but I feel like I have no genuine connection to anyone in my life. All of my friends either want me to be their therapist without returning any emotional support or don’t value me as a person and have “fuck zoned” me. When I lived alone last year, I was considering killing myself, but soon realized that no one would find my body unless my neighbors complained about the smell, or my rent went unpaid. No one would notice for at least a week if I killed myself, I thought to myself. It’s seemed like no one would care. I have roommates now this year, and they would undoubtedly notice if I suddenly stoped compulsively cleaning the house and it didn’t smell like weed anymore. Plus, I’d hate for them to be the ones to find me. I don’t know these people well enough to confide in them. I haven’t heard from my “best friend” in a week, and even then it’s few and far between. There’s no one I feel comfortable turning to. 

My mom and my dog are the two most important things in my life. My dogs birthday is Thursday so we’re excited for him to be 5. Making him happy, makes me happy so he’s going to be getting hella treats.  I’ve got some things to look forward to in the future, But I’m just so damn lonely right now. ",3.3300738916256165,4.5073688196286525,4.5910449033724925,86.12843169761274,73.0053050397878,7.401629405077681,24.339617279272453,7.83500028581142,1.0991198181129214,1443,41,307,19,28,477,189,377,0.172,0.654,0.174,-0.4835,2,3,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,5,2,22,32,8,0,9,0,26,6,1,5,2,57,62,30,3,12,15,4,3,5,3,4,4,1,3,1,10,13,0,1,9,0,1,4,14,12,1,6,8,7,55,20,43,44,12,35,0,1,1,1,24,15,2,7,23,209,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131452087023279,0.0,0.0,0.06532808615292138,0.0,0.0,0.10678139841292522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786258394440328,0.0548972584905008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555405259140044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239326395205128,0.0,0.0,0.08720888268648243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40023993516267214,0.0,0.0,0.06763094215728009,0.0,0.0,0.08805763152720293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831517935158463,0.0,0.08112365097833799,0.0,0.1037125737010161,0.0,0.0,0.07502136545247734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909373719286405,0.1121776553329636,0.0,0.0,0.14351667977150429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131600504123485,0.07258287076090572,0.04101916192431447,0.0,0.0446200509726969,0.0,0.18837911569217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715448857491416,0.0,0.07751412335769642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262478774939559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059204702662264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791082200948744,0.0,0.2605849392749167,0.0,0.043148018217456514,0.12799515071939666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636556541460334,0.19178443713364746,0.0,0.06932733562738759,0.0,0.06593011720907875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481443878164527,0.159197233649629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824280583861128,0.0,0.0,0.09195204185090174,0.0,0.0,0.1154303764447086,0.1746464587782922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877235216218856,0.0,0.0,0.2660080528197997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632905374562682,0.0685534534907723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340972535444531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147417116084337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909423173484725,0.0,0.0,0.1180621676077731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115822193802643,0.10431946920290433,0.0,0.0,0.062329579409715126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539826585307447,0.0766945958572653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926165579962896,0.0,0.12595482011377304,0.0,0.07059151450829201,0.07278120189582213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568254929159744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230900490666899,0.0,0.0,0.10111801783481676
suicidewatch,Turbo_autismo,2019/02/12,"Life beyond loss I met Robyn in 2010 as a virgin and she the same. We met in college in MI. We were in college until 2013.  In 2013 I moved to her from MI to CA for a shitty job.  I got a better job in 2015 but still fucking overload workload. She had a miscarriage in 2016 and again in 2017.  She left me after the second.  Literally everyone in my family is telling me that I need to ""come home"".  I miss sleeping next to her so fucking much.  I miss hanging out with her.  I miss being her lover.  I haven't contacted her since we split on a friends advice.  I don't fucking know what to do.",0.19456445993031224,2.3431881138211423,2.4185423925667853,93.37115853658541,86.56097560975607,5.140301974448317,20.9808362369338,6.5431188927421005,0.3037275261324046,450,15,100,5,14,152,77,123,0.109,0.799,0.092,0.2407,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,2,4,10,3,0,7,0,7,7,1,0,0,12,19,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,5,0,23,3,23,13,2,21,0,4,0,5,17,13,3,0,5,71,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955988986830236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156396211025152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167100894693909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536097366667004,0.0,0.0,0.18287178699160225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987232423834382,0.5380080000391122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514751961020126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458276435007105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850003459613738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066090788982147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076526227194065,0.0,0.13701733723393433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617534778921984,0.14260128990890614,0.14383741418785914,0.0,0.0,0.20630524055682486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046639063152426,0.0,0.19412508644398135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549166658324099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695514339437219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlightlyBurntLasagna,2019/02/12,When is the pain going to be over? When will I be ok? I never will. I need to end it now. I can’t be helped at this point. ,-4.457000000000002,-3.2884593666666646,-0.6633333333333322,110.505,109.33333333333331,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.9238,89,0,28,0,5,32,22,30,0.127,0.797,0.076,-0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,0,1,2,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40736454553313695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26139079440667845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30828371495394424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410348457341517,0.35472905180987657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894016477293757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347857998292296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redeem9401,2019/02/12,". 
I'm useless, powerless, worthless mistake.
I should not lean on anyone. I am a mess, failure, trash. I want to die ",-0.6040909090909103,0.7269522272727293,1.680545454545456,90.8508181818182,117.63636363636364,3.578181818181818,27.127272727272725,5.6839178017228535,1.309770909090909,87,5,16,1,5,29,19,22,0.6709999999999999,0.28800000000000003,0.042,-0.9623,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505421269643592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.750185983223058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263453186883998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anameathrowaway,2019/02/12,"My mind feels like a scary place. I just broke up with my boyfriend and I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like I'm crazy. I feel like my patterns are a burden on my loved ones. I want to want to live. I've been this depressed before, why am I even still around. I see myself dying over and over in my mind. I need help.",-1.4945070422535205,0.487229760563384,0.1423802816901425,106.68765492957749,96.46478873239435,2.84,12.733802816901408,3.1291,-1.9047814084507042,247,4,64,0,10,78,45,71,0.21,0.55,0.24,0.1091,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,14,14,2,1,3,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,5,14,5,9,13,0,10,0,2,1,1,2,8,0,0,5,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849228940749868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149791612770575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334456819017936,0.0,0.1847761785110072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759295643004067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600870919581721,0.5087638524532757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933566301795835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34792308249653897,0.0,0.15721153312314964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606869792409586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595368946169538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320135234324399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064370692585448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601266527126975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187388267646386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218202552106587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100238086956532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065233597584347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IamWorthless00,2019/02/12,There's nothing for me in this world I just wish I finally had the courage to end it all.,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,1.8800000000000023,99.395,84.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.7669999999999999,70,3,18,1,2,23,19,20,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307677920121809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5327801330785357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666724944042176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592863507437972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unemployedloser69,2019/02/12,"I wasted 6 years of my life getting degrees with no job prospects I have a masters degree, and I am being ignored by literally every single job I've applied for.

I am spiralling into a deep depression and I'm afraid that I will actually follow through and do something I can't take back.

I don't know what to do. ",4.89484375,5.226286296874999,6.506250000000001,76.91375000000002,68.84375,8.275,34.75,8.07648339933343,2.7377,249,12,47,3,4,86,48,64,0.195,0.768,0.038,-0.8481,2,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,14,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,7,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,34,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.3152707212699326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484216797279332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782606043379309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722012763225366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687912786670644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6411962922717968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775513887951281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281946225060468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487158623585207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429092075246529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804715072080285
suicidewatch,Qwerty4755,2019/02/12,What’s your method? Pros and cons Other methods besides hanging,3.096969696969694,4.460129000000002,1.9309090909090896,87.74969696969698,122.63636363636364,1.4666666666666668,30.93939393939394,3.1291,1.1944303030303032,53,3,7,0,3,15,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YungWrote,2019/02/12,"Some things I need to say. This body is a temple that I pray in.

A lot of feelings come near death. Some of them are warm and friendly. I think the angels wake you up before you die. So that maybe you can see it for what it is.

I pray that I leave this earth soon. I believe I’ve learned what I came here to learn. All this suffering is getting old. I’ve been here for twenty two years but it feels like I’ve been here for too long. I feel old and tired. I just wanna go. ",-1.0063256161314411,1.0158146407767037,0.5601941747572816,105.15812546676626,91.9126213592233,3.557580283793876,13.748319641523526,4.713530739802397,-1.5593877520537711,360,6,93,1,13,114,67,103,0.12,0.78,0.1,-0.47,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,1,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,7,3,2,0,1,18,17,4,2,2,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,12,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,6,13,3,11,14,4,11,3,1,1,0,6,3,0,3,6,61,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370438958690398,0.22999095556934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674867075001334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334767834167734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758447736438125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186055966208467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30965133104863285,0.14583453801401186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577146847683772,0.0,0.10665244359402334,0.0,0.11601498534535296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161501619862984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973035968579064,0.0,0.0,0.1806536126831198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735488164199169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050816824635973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136398632518727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284120180165577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233684989090122,0.0,0.0,0.1626696710987452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561864483543015,0.13080187189721934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346238821946368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941085275525425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145665571332213
suicidewatch,blotaf,2019/02/12,"What's the point when I had spent your best years dealing with a medical condition that I have isolated everyone/everything else? Now, my peers are doing so well and yet my education is shitty due to this condition. Been trying to get a job but no one wants to hire me. What's the point of it all? 16 really just held better days.",1.9101948051948057,4.3132891969696985,3.8204761904761915,84.46500000000003,81.27272727272727,8.61991341991342,21.549783549783545,9.23628265651192,1.9931238095238104,261,8,53,8,7,88,56,66,0.098,0.77,0.132,0.5149,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,6,3,5,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,38,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843963013811006,0.2396762307762239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477167167897795,0.27938764723418696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263845485319757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435560589963722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158557844991249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26892428524198353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27300256936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363565837994952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123625249001588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736086363505684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399025409324654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984198997214988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436602784267868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745142072047632
suicidewatch,OKKKK42069,2019/02/12,I want to kill myself Last week I thought about hanging myself and then last night I was going to strip down and fall asleep in the snow to kill myself my dad hasn't told me that he loves me in years and my mother told me she wants me to die and that she hates me and my brother offered me his gun when I jokingly said I wanted to kill myself I had horrible friends growing up who would say things about my appearance and my extended family would also compare me to my cousin and they would always say I was fatter I developed an eating disorder at a young age and started puking at 13 and I was physically and verbally abused by my parents and one of my parents is a past addict and I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of them while my other parents would leave for work trips out of state and I would miss school because of this when I was young I was attacked by a man in a local place and no one helped me and from the beatings and that I developed ptsd one day a teacher had raised her hand to grab something I'm assuming near me and I flinched and backed up and she made the joke what do your parents beat you or something and I had to laugh it off I was diagnosed with depression when my mom finally took me to the doctor and that was only a few years ago and then I started seeing a counselor and so far I've gone through three and I've tried Prozac and St. John's Wort because I'm scared to take prescription pills due to my parents past addiction and I have always had bad anxiety along with OCD and these are all things I have to battle with each and every day I can't have peace or relax within my own mind and I can never have quiet time by myself I got into a relationship that I'm still in with my guy best friend and I started to get hostile towards him and accuse him of not being attracted to me and it's made our relationship ship go down hill we have recovered since then and I got better but then within the last month he started talking to someone who wanted to do sexual things with him in the past so of course I felt threatened and now ever since then I've been feeling more insecure and hostile towards him and I've felt like he hasn't been sexually attracted to me and my dog recently passed away and I accused him of not being there when he tried his best to be and I want to stop hurting the only person who truly loves me and I trust him more than anyone but he hurt me by talking to this girl because of what she wanted to do with him and now I feel like I might lose him and she's everything I'm not and I just feel like no one is there for me anymore and I can barely live with myself because I'm only rude to the people who want the best for me and I try to get the people who hate me to love me and I wish I could just stop getting upset over the smallest things and be normal like everyone else and I wish I didn't have to worry and I've been suicidal since 2014 and I've been really feeling it for the past two months especially during the holidays because I really don't have family or friends and it hurts to be so lonely all of the time and I never feel like suicide will leave my mind so maybe right now it's my only answer because no one could love me I'm unlovable and a horrible person I'm sorry for the bad grammar and lack of punctuation but it feels nice to get this off my chest I know other people have it worse so I'm sorry if this came off as a poor me situation 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suicidewatch,Kai_nPepper,2019/02/12,"I wish that motorcycle would just hit me Im tired 

Im not depressed. Im just so tired of pretending my life is not crumbling into pieces. Im tired from holding back my tears every time something bad happens or when someone is dissapointed in me.

 I wish that car ran me over too. I wish i never existed the first place
",0.8928076923076951,3.353414646153851,3.009519230769232,87.9573557692308,87.15384615384615,5.711538461538463,23.509615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.0536538461538458,252,10,52,4,8,85,44,65,0.192,0.639,0.16899999999999998,-0.3888,0,0,1,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,12,9,3,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,9,0,5,6,1,11,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762531691298298,0.11686587491521415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205526255158823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792750399407816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905512148223688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377158943088545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6047497690871168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886221923927464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795051063845974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623481902435376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859285053681287,0.10775276754000533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161537790436492,0.4826114411310058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828624372629701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942792527092716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Indigoblaze15,2019/02/12,"Stuck in the worst way possible I don't have very many friends. But it's very often a reason to why I'm depressed. So I'm stuck in a loop. Not having friends makes me depressed, and being depressed makes me not have friends. 

I didn't even know how bad of a friend I was until I lost my best friend. There's no possible way this is gonna be fixed. There's just no way somebody will make me feel better, there's just not. I can't make friends. I'm just destined to be alone forever.

At least when I fall asleep life is okay. 

I wish I could fall asleep forever. 

I don't want to live anymore.",1.0526190476190465,2.8941479920634947,2.178015873015873,98.14892857142858,80.98412698412699,5.469841269841268,21.61111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.08123492063492055,461,14,110,4,12,146,73,126,0.221,0.5579999999999999,0.221,0.4429,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,11,15,0,0,4,1,15,3,2,6,0,20,30,6,0,3,7,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,5,1,13,9,8,19,3,10,0,4,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144953315438138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586928140447814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059718426339746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319338250602245,0.11224930749222728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133428272063473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279447623923556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382862771210539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417392608386056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5883426006631987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975121774710846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964645622403171,0.0,0.0,0.11207156858982698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385467923748903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33887696559568536,0.12867567698092006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861636084762144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049359824483028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20944249736930384,0.07485995847166517,0.3022265536650977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145244177240421,0.0,0.14595028204373164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sinkingdownsyncingup,2019/02/12,"This helped me today Hold On — Life Is Going To Give You So Much More Than This

 Avatar Kelly Douglas
Updated February 11, 2019
You’re drowning; suffocating as life clenches your throat, stumbling through a murky well of problems as you pray that this is the end. You wish the ocean would swallow you, the fumes would extinguish you, the universe would carry you to the clouds. But this – the relationship that left you in tears, the job that refused to recognize your worth, the prayer without an answer in sight – is not the end.

Hold on, because life is going to give you so much more than this.

Life will deliver you love again. It will cleanse your heart; absolving you of the tears in which you drowned, rescuing you from the shards in which you sank. You will discover a pure, true love again; a love that makes your heart race with joy as you touch their soft skin and your world stand still as you kiss their tender lips. You will no longer ache from your fractured heart’s resonant pain as they heal your deepest wounds; restoring your belief in love.

Life will wrap you in security again. It will provide you with everything that fulfills you; imbuing you with hope, blessing you with abundance. You will realize that even as you feel yourself sinking; yearning for reprieve with no resolution in sight, life will carry you out of the murky waters, bolstering you until you discover your destiny. You will no longer wallow in self-doubt as the doors close; you will discover that life will meet you with open arms once you’ve sunk to your lowest in the ebony pit.

Life will fulfill your wildest dreams again. It will enrapture your heart; caressing you as you discover its concealed wonders. You will understand that even as you pray to any divine being who will listen, wishing your way out of the struggles that consume you, life will carve out a path that will stun you in its sheer refinement. You will no longer cry over the dashed dreams of years past; you will embrace the present’s riches as your fantasies begin to unfold before you.


You feel as though you’re drowning; sinking into a sea of instability as you yearn for answers. But life is preparing to pull you to rescue; to leave you awash in a world of hope and light. You fear that you will spiral deeper into the weight of your struggles; sinking further into your pit of self-doubt, but life is building a path to your dreams. Hold on through your tears — life is going to give you so much more than the problems currently holding you down. TC mark",8.239483870967742,8.037256991397854,6.66141935483871,80.43212903225809,61.88172043010753,9.762580645161293,34.083870967741944,9.065960079200117,2.750726451612904,2011,72,372,27,25,591,206,465,0.07400000000000001,0.8059999999999999,0.121,0.9607,3,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,65,3,0,12,24,1,3,27,0,31,32,8,1,2,48,52,22,3,11,5,0,6,0,0,23,16,1,1,0,24,16,3,6,8,4,2,4,6,9,1,0,0,11,69,15,72,28,6,49,5,2,2,5,81,28,0,3,15,251,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509933308989549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045711020169624535,0.0,0.0638079127825865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236905143385849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283140606612506,0.0,0.0,0.09905563455288112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739295108861533,0.0,0.0,0.08438055988016012,0.07583076502000924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158013949083183,0.1278495163650275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554370324986974,0.05026181067258573,0.0,0.0,0.1489568516463685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441244236146795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939978210546897,0.08147295499928695,0.0,0.6355814367272206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707126545044087,0.0,0.05005401164641171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537092047832186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985808046299847,0.0,0.0,0.07979082827875034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158301422435596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350373645332862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050734257311329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564543612809243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988424471827121,0.0,0.0,0.15678415622306055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736737681173277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107834973244201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806349842763415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952072275126345,0.0,0.0913132471866615,0.0674217890284529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246134400129395,0.07228422434362404,0.08131956406379745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980458480694698,0.0,0.0,0.04828879018195261
suicidewatch,sutolik,2019/02/12,"This is my first post ever, i just made this account, where can i talk to somebody? I’m sorry if i’m breaking the rules, i just need to admit some stuff to people if that’s okay.",0.11115384615384727,1.9702297948717948,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,84.38461538461539,3.9,17.442307692307693,3.1291,-0.9301846153846154,138,3,32,0,4,46,29,39,0.037000000000000005,0.857,0.106,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,9,7,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,3,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32823926009223564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086594536939044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433590566230876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690656141036047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25157033841581394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475318749376241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062064373375369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154025870688096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29166344470161765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stolensigns,2019/02/12,"so close to doing something my life is falling apart. 
im trying so hard to stay positive because i was doing so well for a while and i thought everything was under control but everything is really just getting worse. 
my boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me, told me he had been thinking of it for a while and i feel so lied to. i thought we were going to be together forever even though thats cliche. 
i cant find motivation for anything anymore. im failing several of my classes, when normally i’m a straight a student. my highest grade right now is a c. 
i try to do art but i just get frustrated. i try to talk to my other friends, not my ex and i just feel so... annoying, useless, worthless, and not worth the time. i’m trying to move on and talk to other guys but im gay and in a conservative area. 
ive been taking mental health days more often lately and i just cant get myself out of bed. im so close to doing something, anything, to get myself out of this mess. i dont know what i would do. i just need to be not here. i thought about committing myself to an inpatient program but that will just make things worse. 
ive even been seeing a good therapist again but... i dont know. nothing works. i feel so alone. i am really alone.

i dont want to be here anymore. it hurts to think about that because ive been clean for so so so long and its my brothers birthday and i have so much to look forward to but all i feel is pain and i cant fix it. ",0.40584594749952174,2.5457245309446286,2.575770262502396,92.67796464840008,85.44951140065146,5.696455259628283,23.03592642268633,7.048011613610866,0.7863137382640346,1129,43,251,16,34,381,150,307,0.205,0.735,0.061,-0.9937,0,2,2,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,0,4,30,12,2,0,9,0,33,4,0,3,2,55,58,31,0,4,16,2,5,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,12,16,0,2,13,1,1,4,9,9,1,0,12,7,37,3,35,41,3,27,0,5,2,1,9,13,0,1,11,175,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517758727924628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689197342561809,0.0,0.0,0.15507846847649004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487750084373152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056814691832984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607673987129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331293369574623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446958851168465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936690029702212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905721801928988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612004040715142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727980836291599,0.0,0.19691491681740272,0.0,0.05355029950324686,0.07903154894212924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932976695911834,0.0,0.0,0.0844071878228723,0.0,0.0,0.1001568821587164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086992543290496,0.0,0.4071171369805528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356730878367676,0.0,0.10629002440956492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655397936404875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338625425609401,0.07912535835045785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289599033018081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495674547836133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014637650351964,0.06926629503593627,0.06986672262717153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232059859053944,0.09041153105468744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026215679392338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072603212850745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046772620522477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508521060017866,0.0,0.0,0.10644755035573092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507818097669628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004314265938046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084555370933336,0.15146914301436407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940261117029644,0.06259897398205076,0.12075128734155365,0.09257568883447556,0.2244126287984773,0.054943417400833146,0.0,0.0,0.09003612729131494,0.0,0.2558906491511165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557640916519748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471968682016845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859699982556977,0.0,0.19204686701738974,0.06693481228330171,0.0,0.0,0.06067787936350055
suicidewatch,PuzzleheadedDrop1,2019/02/12,"Blah. There is no point anymore. I am 31, male, unemployed, on welfare, 80k in debt, live at home, I have one friend that I see socially outside the house once or twice a month. have been unemployed for over a year. I have no hope anymore. I've lost my home a few years ago. I have bad credit. I can't see myself ever becoming a functional person again. I am a daily cannabis user and former alcoholic with NASH. ",1.3911653116531184,3.7541606097561018,3.07308943089431,89.25795392953931,83.14634146341464,6.571273712737128,22.52574525745257,7.793537801064563,1.212036314363144,318,11,65,6,9,105,62,82,0.172,0.721,0.106,-0.5267,5,1,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,1,5,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,2,9,3,6,11,1,12,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,2,7,41,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717687508418644,0.20708522419015205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843430122055402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179299965982094,0.0,0.21400789917339788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752794640053301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970912999619965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887417708526034,0.19246107084435354,0.0,0.22358890799809394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110578440500032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152695446661385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466837034174788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063627354043628,0.13130611792269078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919577720763349,0.0,0.0,0.18317884093760925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088252051193149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752795069258516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495679027980713
suicidewatch,Yozzp,2019/02/12,"I think I'm finally gonna do it A couple of years ago I planned on killing myself with a gun after a failed attempt with pills. I was lonely, had very few friends who didn't care either way, and neglectful parents. Then the day before I was gonna do it I met a beautiful woman in my senior year of highschool who actually loved me. We dated for a few years and I spent all my time and paychecks on her because I loved her. But recently she broke up with me and told me she stopped loving me after the 3rd month of dating. Now I'm out of highschool and I work from home and don't go to college. I'm truly alone, I stopped talking to my friends because of spending so much time with her. I have a knife I think I might slit my throat or something this week.",2.7612264150943417,3.8954493522012577,3.974984276729561,90.16360849056608,74.34591194968553,6.557861635220128,27.08647798742139,6.816661863887847,1.0698968553459118,593,22,130,5,12,194,96,159,0.159,0.6920000000000001,0.149,0.3461,1,3,1,1,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,4,2,11,1,0,8,0,9,5,1,0,1,22,24,10,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,5,12,0,3,2,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,7,0,27,6,20,14,5,27,0,4,0,3,18,5,0,2,20,85,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.15458601561374205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140421548880199,0.0,0.0,0.16406573590137855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193131414084676,0.0,0.13479585863281146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151029065122954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527845309879908,0.0,0.10216181199530988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173531205099778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447754648332661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002846503240525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889887220466867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525799561754982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42891558956440223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680487447372562,0.0,0.0,0.12644192857966022,0.0,0.1164501091200985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589636236969514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641147914939382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121952314591943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648769168728845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732453946901132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300639120399036,0.0,0.0,0.18474113415301585,0.0,0.0,0.15136823533559998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070543742274235,0.0,0.1257390593081996,0.12706752761459622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153248937431204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060339376917693
suicidewatch,batman8121,2019/02/12,What is the point I’m 15 and a freshmen in high school. I am probably going to kill myself soon. I have no potential to be anything and no real friends. I’m trapped in a endless cycle of just waking up hating myself then going back to sleep. All my “friends”  are starting to not talk to me and I always have to make an effort to hangout with them and even when I do They don’t seem to enjoy me.My brother is the perfect son of my family and I have to live in his footsteps always hearing about his perfect grades and how he is such a good person and athlete.Im chained to what his legacy is. I feel no need to live because all I would be is a waste in my family and society. ,3.0778321678321703,3.7992566783216803,4.75762937062937,86.42259790209793,73.12587412587413,7.118601398601397,27.58671328671329,7.1686216300943375,1.3547012587412586,527,19,112,5,10,179,84,143,0.135,0.738,0.128,-0.0258,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,3,8,8,2,0,7,0,15,2,2,2,4,22,26,11,1,2,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,9,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,2,18,6,20,23,2,14,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,5,84,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29638880354319763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656204908137474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694877010891526,0.0,0.10856879154411493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763411207116485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357957764588009,0.0,0.09005327916044811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752009717584862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243794515695804,0.1493827720743761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583798663494216,0.0,0.0,0.20073290968692734,0.0,0.0,0.18817361494585008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923797752137919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704250479208724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145331092562588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118883882622185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205972603979724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551103097772012,0.0,0.0,0.16836312866457415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202313368388085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027180693432573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802478449045345,0.0,0.16213657342582935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17822974556371024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606089158517264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431509363670977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265179278528287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue__meanies,2019/02/12,"Bipolar depression and suicidal thoughts (vent) I have really bad depression and my mood changes quickly and there are times I cannot do anything at all I get boosts of energy usually at night which makes me think I have bipolar depression but I can’t be sure because I haven’t talked to a mental health professional about it. 

When I am really low the thought of suicide is strong and I think of specific ways to hurt myself. When I get huge spikes in energy the suicidal thoughts aren’t as present in my mind and aren’t as strong if that makes sense. 
",4.1027622014537934,6.1641322149532725,4.485919003115266,84.07618899273105,72.64485981308411,9.241536863966768,29.645898234683283,9.725611199111238,2.927214745586709,445,19,87,12,9,140,68,107,0.251,0.589,0.16,-0.9292,2,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,3,0,12,3,0,2,2,17,21,11,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,13,3,12,17,1,14,0,5,0,0,1,6,0,1,7,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284405997383983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032034000817388,0.0951449627390026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511201988251678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032946099322595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630907905006702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590581708438576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708694437660035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083693190553687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729200137536994,0.0,0.15759637851553027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647057369542546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997778057723564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5121787953151167,0.0,0.14710362000256638,0.0,0.0,0.1254512490467076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000196148143421,0.0,0.3717304267306026,0.09101154469693512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190014763354602,0.0,0.0,0.12388909561311115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmoCumDumpsterr,2019/02/12,"Its not if anymore, its when I’m either in a complete panic from my anxiety or i feel nothing and cant do anything from the depression. 
The only things keeping me alive are my fish, I could just let them die because I’m not around, I love them more than anything. I have to rehome them because I just can’t take care of them anymore, but rehoming them is giving up my reason to live. 
I want to legally change my name, i hate it and I don’t want to be known by it especially in death but changing it is giving myself permission to die. 
I think about offing myself almost all day now. I give myself maybe a few months at this point.",3.0042307692307686,4.311914807692311,4.366153846153846,86.91384615384617,74.0,6.7384615384615385,25.30769230769231,7.1686216300943375,1.0734461538461535,495,16,102,5,10,164,84,130,0.191,0.7040000000000001,0.105,-0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,6,5,1,1,4,0,11,1,0,1,1,23,25,7,3,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,23,2,17,22,4,10,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,3,4,78,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852785693685033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134695902810041,0.0,0.2942006431414088,0.0,0.0,0.244120623946037,0.13204229243906815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808372719877912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122905042531373,0.0,0.31382015808713404,0.0,0.15551781991023236,0.0,0.0,0.11842687435738156,0.0,0.0,0.09565851039883892,0.0,0.1277536490425149,0.0,0.3078795856875233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499848301393931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42686572517487575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644199941181102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318396683863309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167419478797786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097527525814787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387072130387986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490141995511126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183930306604385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232355780798042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280920956425332,0.0,0.17402953221638354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021676237715042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525046464915299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152328846958433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854173011256352,0.09504181946630502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497397047282648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KillKessler,2019/02/12,"I tried to end it but it didn't work Tried to end myself but it didn't work so I guess I'm supposed to be here a little longer. Just tired of the constant suffering and feeling empty. I don't want to live anymore but I can't find a way to end it fully. Fuck all of this, I don't want to exist anymore ",-1.1444565217391298,0.7091509855072502,1.6259239130434793,98.76758152173912,89.86956521739133,4.029710144927536,17.320652173913047,5.148860815047168,-0.7733347826086954,234,6,58,1,8,81,40,69,0.258,0.716,0.026,-0.9424,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,11,12,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,8,9,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,36,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014407911661806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187159386333652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5377828499123344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233645323102808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849843870907051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710992871862586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229597340927481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202851890567754,0.17871754990544647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326220513806478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27482438856084873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23875436977320755,0.1606508824882463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946903858614657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,last_dr3am3r_445,2019/02/12,"How useless am I? Jesus I am so sorry… I am so fucking sorry I exist. I can’t believe how useless I am. The world would truly benefit for lack of me.

I’m so sorry...",-3.4599324324324314,-2.651522027027028,1.8407770270270267,90.10278716216213,120.62162162162164,2.9310810810810812,18.13851351351352,5.148860815047168,-0.12386216216216228,123,5,26,1,8,49,22,37,0.246,0.605,0.149,-0.4351,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,4,8,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,2,7,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075825817602972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344437057538594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8099272531723269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569857803380683,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EatAcetone,2019/02/12,"Everday its something else slowly pushing I want to end it so badly, but I feel like my bf might propose on valentines day this weekend.. and honestly im only staying alive tonight so that he can.. but i know he'd be better off without me dragging him down.

I'll prob wait a month after and do it.

Ive been planning how for 3 years now.",1.2661428571428566,3.331908185714288,2.975714285714286,91.53928571428571,81.42857142857143,4.571428571428573,27.142857142857146,5.288315135182226,0.7742857142857141,263,12,54,1,7,87,60,70,0.034,0.752,0.214,0.921,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,11,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,7,7,0,13,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,9,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450193984638677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595336375788723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892516731829596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24514072664556816,0.0,0.25991056035916804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483776857635875,0.20964151371455766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169775281928731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127304187347954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336537731423846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311305227429618,0.0,0.0,0.23422985631147125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231827735082649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259129819087335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31277981163547863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308505295233045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828763740545896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897287752882286
suicidewatch,belllllthrowaway,2019/02/12,i know people would care i feel stuck on earth. i don't belong here ,-1.0380000000000005,1.0296988666666709,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,93.66666666666666,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.455,53,0,13,0,2,17,13,15,0.141,0.634,0.225,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6344513735639885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31464120438227994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34198635642771325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314074995082824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44204668132782665,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1BoiledCabbage,2019/02/12,"I thought I was cured of depression Turns out that, no. I'm not cured of depression. I was again, just suppressing it. Tonight, it came crashing down, again. Down to the point where I'm thinking of suicide again. To the point where I'm crying, unable to breathe properly and shaky hands.   


I know, deep down, that I have overstayed my welcome in this house. I know that deep down, they don't want me here anymore. I know, deep down that there's very little that I can do to please them and that it's no longer a simple joke, they want me gone. Problem is, I have no where to go. I'm on disability and even if I did manage to get a part time job somewhere, moving out on my own, with the cost of rent, food, a bus pass and a cellphone bill just won't cut it. I have no one to move out with and I doubt I'll find any random takers, as a lot of people around town prefer ""female college students"" and since I'm neither female or a college student, that pretty much goes out the window.   


I don't know what i'm going to do. I keep trying to think of new ways to at least put  in something helpful, but I can't think of anything. Cooking never helps, no one gives if I clean the house anymore and playing/brushing the dog never helps in their eyes.   


I just feel so useless. So unneeded. I try so hard to put on a brave face and be okay with everything but I can only take so much in before I completely break. ",2.8047562126454864,4.001404733564017,3.742178357974208,91.6303106322743,74.32871972318337,6.361811890531614,24.555048757470907,6.574015621080383,0.6337875432525948,1084,33,239,8,22,348,153,289,0.138,0.789,0.07200000000000001,-0.9259,2,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,4,0,17,11,1,2,13,1,16,6,4,0,2,49,42,18,1,7,9,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,13,17,2,2,11,2,3,9,13,7,0,2,6,4,28,4,40,34,7,47,0,3,1,0,10,28,0,7,8,156,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788912936135348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271799756659033,0.0,0.0,0.0942542423011446,0.10196226786886813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974626031558707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099988516337258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008992966694218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258135836471759,0.0,0.0,0.1973012062163225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565064879708062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029385253492454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791337967231072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046847990602974,0.0,0.13849866922684642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059840887212627224,0.10987438597726523,0.1301881029459115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026027095982228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303153336562951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26432078151590593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366036003161785,0.1018058027881713,0.0,0.0,0.2517862940606485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479622543860506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737531367589944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434695397569105,0.16839583779122635,0.0,0.17667608539832289,0.11062060757766597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522655402673735,0.08711059639451116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403247588716144,0.0,0.07940557677928985,0.0,0.0,0.12572729852856726,0.2165490892518669,0.0,0.0,0.1165253682100325,0.0,0.1095964991441652,0.0,0.2302827640112209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474624074225177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817622560194331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528495499985629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611761582221933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017217232819164,0.0,0.09092963279818618,0.0667874815559729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552629249329306,0.12458343260393635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450507090539337,0.13511385267460796,0.09091418803844854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12363627292,2019/02/13,"My girlfriend is possibly suicidal My girlfriend has suffered from anxiety and depression since we started dating. Lately, it’s gotten to the point where she tells me she’s having horrible thoughts. Anytime she does, I drive over to her house and try and help her the best I can. She admitted to me once that she had pills in her hand and was ready to do it but was scared. Sometimes she seems completely happy and we have fun together, but then the next day she’ll be the complete opposite. I have no idea what I can do but try and be there for her as much as possible, but I’m scared I’ll be away or at work or away from my phone and she’ll have thoughts and anxiety bad enough to do something. She’s been to counseling and she said it didn’t help and she’s tried anxiety pills but the side effects were enough to make her not want to take them. I’ve asked her to seek help but she doesn’t seem willing to. She says her parents never take her seriously when she talks with them (we’re in college). What can I do that could actually help her?",3.5906603773584926,4.930894811320755,4.16051886792453,88.83341981132078,72.58490566037736,8.130188679245284,26.92924528301887,8.660442795831766,1.722711320754717,828,29,179,15,16,262,113,212,0.134,0.731,0.135,0.3364,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,2,3,3,9,0,2,5,0,27,3,1,2,1,33,41,22,1,2,9,1,1,0,2,3,2,2,0,0,7,13,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,10,3,37,3,22,24,4,18,0,2,0,0,41,9,0,4,8,125,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.1158612488265134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27247942654520063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099450684832353,0.0,0.22309743501546572,0.0,0.09913279028633094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459754711543945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24896777061154124,0.0,0.0,0.09479452228133517,0.0,0.0,0.07656963712507933,0.0,0.1022601178693332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389953617985476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535520114440826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263879974332024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31832308402595205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699599101029064,0.0,0.1340292840185578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339301791984651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792517576562717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727862617502498,0.0,0.09157023245826576,0.0,0.12626840879216447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644127876216507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183322001852638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223618859741516,0.2676956093387531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293736783216853,0.09441714675616744,0.2377345677160992,0.0,0.0,0.21617073973262468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821289926992194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140249465521698,0.11742487335605055,0.0,0.08403617891242475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986899078044786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853712531185856,0.09542894349512526,0.10377336860042892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885132918561641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24182523726753802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002875839054089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643528430960537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Acid_Enthusiast,2019/02/13,"I Don't Think I Can Make It Past Tomorrow Valentines Day is always the hardest day for me. The single loneliest day and I have to watch scores of people celebrating something they'll never share with me. If my own problems weren't constantly hate-fucking me day in and day out, I need all these happy people excluding me from social interaction.

I know I'm gonna give my arms a couple cuts, maybe not fatal ones, but I wish I didn't give a Frenchman's fuck about the people I love or else I'd actually do what I should have done 7 years ago. I really, really just want this torture to stop. At this point I don't believe I'll ever find lasting happiness. I've been fooled by that before and I'm not gonna fall for it again. The world won't fuck me anymore.",3.171666666666667,4.4834185605095564,4.619506369426752,85.2458625265393,73.5859872611465,7.526326963906581,24.54830148619957,8.07648339933343,1.3052721868365174,602,18,125,9,12,201,106,157,0.115,0.695,0.19,0.9344,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,11,4,0,6,0,14,4,1,1,3,24,29,6,1,6,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,4,1,19,4,12,20,3,21,0,0,1,3,7,5,2,2,15,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.12944789520279082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758679380854475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103759637167838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155379632927106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287592938335125,0.1494518527792663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334822309090267,0.0,0.0,0.14677541650813875,0.0,0.42774346309371053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574766596101365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108125931962703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999010350748665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124028708060094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679001535792343,0.0,0.2545011733941527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824181581388211,0.0,0.13096504996702413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290132581066182,0.10812798096256973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197223868501084,0.0,0.08854533611222734,0.0,0.13326540315205204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835877304111884,0.10230835568415036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988751061123057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663005113749629,0.2758897665450928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253977367469402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692875315750424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995880081062584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352206282905125,0.0,0.10212094785132857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090187958098666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499717762223903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824078774512455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525416961465042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542266676481941
suicidewatch,iri0mote,2019/02/13,"Coming down from a panic attack and I want to die. I’m recovering (through the use of “as needed” medication) from a severe panic attack and now I have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to take my life.

In recent weeks I’ve been feeling increased pressure at home, work, and extracurricular activities to do better. Of the three, work has caused me the greatest stress. I’m doing my best and it never feels good enough. I can’t quit because my family needs the stellar health insurance. So, I’m stuck. I’m doing my best and I can’t stop feeling inadequate.

I have this urge of wanting to stop breathing. To go to sleep and never wake up. Every day feels like a losing battle, and I’m ready to give up. I feel like that day is coming very soon.",2.6888062622309192,4.962009465753429,4.318238747553817,82.67739726027398,77.63013698630138,6.36320939334638,23.442270058708417,7.447530270364453,1.1531091976516632,586,19,110,8,14,196,89,146,0.237,0.586,0.177,-0.8856,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,7,3,15,3,5,8,0,10,6,3,2,2,26,33,9,1,5,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,9,0,2,6,0,0,4,4,9,0,1,2,6,11,6,20,31,5,19,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,12,69,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807542742977627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521911286924829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589862868034756,0.10913091475231143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675840797894627,0.0,0.21258396308377508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915631134006938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806225758332995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749775971399555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396376594958394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632376142000338,0.0,0.3743466795426175,0.17630369901301282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836962888974285,0.07012697861517887,0.10349603632474776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116078898646372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377305121287965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715599223370765,0.1205669902064885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804499390432098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430527644948268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829884131008911,0.19033628699066624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28954975669507776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124344422189782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183551557310153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393987551270728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348192475520675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063238318959821,0.14134604917891502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277603815556054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657177142017872,0.0,0.10181199259293168,0.2183408324429592,0.0,0.0989782708002966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966287339033427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crsxu,2019/02/13,"Its settled I currently live in Chicago. I’m ready to transition myself from this world to be at peace and with my cousin. I plan to save a few hundred dollars, drive to the Pacific Northwest, take in all the forests and mountains along the way, and end my journey at the Oregon Coastline. Take in the beautiful views and morning sunrise before offing myself. Still don’t know exactly how
I’m going to off myself. Drowning seems unsettling for me. I need quick and painless. I might just buy a gun. They’re not too hard to find here in Chicago. I am ready.",3.3322429906542084,5.667808065420559,3.9119719626168217,86.07356542056074,75.82242990654207,6.522990654205607,29.39158878504673,7.554174236665415,1.94796523364486,441,20,81,6,10,139,76,107,0.022,0.804,0.174,0.9403,1,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,7,0,4,0,0,1,2,19,12,6,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,11,1,18,10,2,16,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,3,4,56,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615556786748501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722452988028267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28093753684545514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468976057899405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753499339631092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892667775027362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714200319882761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260790348162117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279165786447107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798250018878252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24547213011946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622193687196586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439820134450923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dankfremontt,2019/02/13,Lets help each other end our lives I have the money but can’t follow through PM let’s end this already!,0.006212121212122668,2.347641136363638,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,92.1818181818182,2.9333333333333336,16.424242424242426,3.1291,-1.1452303030303028,83,2,18,0,3,26,21,22,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.2828,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530990855639545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668036922794443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144717180490434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6543898540404927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825427600881725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goingtoportlandd,2019/02/13,Let’s kill our selves together PM! I have money and am getting ready to travel let’s do this! Need someone to encourage me,1.1998666666666686,3.697738320000002,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,85.8,6.533333333333335,24.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.6563333333333334,98,4,19,2,3,33,22,25,0.156,0.632,0.212,0.1739,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982187971839858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419745559588646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7759164104858756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131739222553764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32146107449998634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm_me_jolly_thoughts,2019/02/13,"I think one of the biggest things stopping me is not having a note ready. I’ve gone trough hundreds of drafts, but I never put it to paper. I just have a lot I would want to say. Mostly just to comfort people, explain why, and have my will written. I feel like knowing that I would have to write the note makes it seem so much harder.",3.1495652173913062,4.125935260869569,3.8151884057971017,92.2888695652174,73.20289855072464,5.5200000000000005,23.94492753623189,3.1291,0.09424405797101444,259,7,56,0,5,82,51,69,0.043,0.836,0.121,0.7265,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,19,17,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,8,2,6,12,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748597991076934,0.20838163043890956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603038387577934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250379394754353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798230802397844,0.0,0.0,0.1947036919431884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144238972933613,0.0,0.22496740588452302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765501994827625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221940712040165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932265333065498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23196163214321905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26554137321837257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24386383683143756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937842346098224,0.1869015920480038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204486315587514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632026276476884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144129062176309,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spookybitchchlorine,2019/02/13,"I cant anymore I'm sitting on my bathroom floor, crying, and mentally dying. I dont think ill ever feel the same. or okay. I can't. i cant do this. I miss him. I miss him so much. everything's so much, its been 2 years, and with valentines now I feel even more alone. I cant do this anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna kill myself, once and for all. last night I tried to run away. from everything. the thoughts the people the feelings the stress, all of itt, it didnt work, Nothing works. my medication isn't helping. nothing is. he was my blood. hes gone. hes been gone for 2+ years now. I cant do it anymore. I can't live without him. I miss you brother I miss you so much. why did you do this? maybe ill see you soon. I don't know how I'm going to die yet, I tried to kill myself shortly after that, by slitting my wrists. it didn't work, it bled so so much, but not enough. I still see myself, younger, years of pain ahead. I see me dying on the ground still, soaked in blood, too dizzy to move. it feels like yesterday. it feels like now. I dont know how I'm doing it yet but I will. I havent cut in 45-48 days. I can't live this life anymore. everything is too much. ive officially gone off the edge. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry im sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry

Stay with me, my blood, you dont need to run.",-3.0452100882979813,-1.6097077934131718,0.6082157718461367,100.7848761798437,108.97005988023953,3.1027301329544303,12.846645691667511,5.0968410691588035,-1.3420707804729526,1103,24,281,7,59,396,130,334,0.182,0.76,0.058,-0.9577,0,1,0,0,0,3,55.0,0,5,0,4,20,13,3,1,7,1,30,9,4,2,4,27,75,14,5,1,5,1,5,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,9,0,0,7,17,9,0,0,10,8,42,4,22,63,10,36,0,4,3,0,13,9,0,1,20,148,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314096520442335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523823733931214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03913528910130065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575494546617656,0.026863373709912267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969077712207325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464544769561737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043039700248586665,0.0,0.0275120635614213,0.03767841323277564,0.0,0.0,0.11230774477257516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530752927678944,0.05951522893624747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02367291900427824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027919787424067984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044993450542745915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216792341429003,0.0,0.04578388048377582,0.033953556415418897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02942144072979468,0.04070006508351165,0.0,0.07356246195656753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04184702556975597,0.0,0.0,0.041962006624310516,0.04197741871607676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427159290483576,0.15310235491892427,0.030885901315026675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039089442233771636,0.0,0.07993624205894986,0.0,0.0,0.04436013348474798,0.0,0.0,0.044322775763987715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02887762775627968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237707657090378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957849678409904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8859362709714061,0.0,0.04439760466876752,0.06652985080368112,0.0,0.0477144978988576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039258386933242434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026690191011215617,0.0,0.03306861047379328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056560641747104234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03758624166650428,0.0,0.0,0.0401529541172775,0.0,0.09097378927126684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047139998365953
suicidewatch,NinkieMinjaj,2019/02/13,"why shouldn't I kill myself?? The answer is: there's nothing stopping me. I have become a bitter shell of a human being. I feel like existence is not real and life is not worth living. for how much my family ""loves"" me (even though they wouldn't if I came out), I have become a complete asshole that snaps and gets defensive over nothing. I hate my attitude, I hate myself, and I hate being alive. If there truly were a reason to not commit suicide, then I wouldn't be preparing. I cover my depression, anxiety, OCD and ED as well as dysphoria up with a smile and a joyful mask, but in reality, I am hollow and mentally numb. I couldn't even cry at my grandpa's funeral! not with my mom, not with my dad, and not with the 80 other relatives weeping as they prayed at the Mosque. For these reasons, I have decided that whenever I feel in the mood, I am going to end my life. I am not sure how yet, but looking into this wad of fuckery called life, I don't really care. I don't wish my pain on someone else, but I do wish they knew how it feels.",4.563011917659806,4.615371657276995,6.090140845070425,80.58208017334779,69.51643192488262,9.370747562296858,28.12170458649332,9.265573868473778,2.201033513903936,805,25,166,15,13,276,122,213,0.14800000000000002,0.708,0.14400000000000002,-0.7129,0,0,0,0,0,4,34.0,0,0,3,0,10,17,6,0,10,0,20,6,0,5,2,48,35,20,3,8,12,3,3,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,14,0,2,8,0,1,2,13,10,1,0,3,5,34,6,22,25,1,15,1,2,1,1,9,9,0,2,5,123,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754347526157037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816457262062547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020019690197554,0.14583548887609266,0.13000317620307733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368999201970916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400618439898387,0.0,0.0,0.10982268354096696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065167955881936,0.0,0.11293447811720787,0.0,0.0,0.16843601560958518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020344619728653,0.0,0.1934160329937368,0.09109193143340442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066617806806083,0.0,0.07246588657421417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776640466799741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410690055314629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701885795820055,0.06229409857254765,0.0,0.11259213583464665,0.0,0.10707483051557297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508118923682813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849834288740514,0.0,0.0,0.14933614125882955,0.0,0.0,0.093733247545812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446952422371709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567778610601425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513232297613304,0.08168506088606392,0.262199469928137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803734086247434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660262066741356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139473348686048,0.0,0.12017503266398287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527622494813678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464524517441844,0.0,0.1150563783394715,0.0,0.2932564286864899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acousticcoupler,2019/02/13,"done I decided I won't make it to my next birthday. I have promised myself and  have picked a date. I am tired of living my life for other people. I will not spare them momentary pain to endure a lifetime of suffering. My illnesses has genetic links, there is no cure; it includes cognitive decline. I do not want to ride this out. Why should I live?",2.133788819875776,4.461346188405798,3.645590062111804,86.48217391304352,79.8695652173913,7.421118012422363,25.799171842650104,8.418075326091056,1.9642737060041413,273,11,54,6,7,90,54,69,0.226,0.738,0.036000000000000004,-0.9085,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,2,0,10,12,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,12,1,7,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182819077187697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196829441319159,0.0,0.0,0.5492735168419329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760856768979952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307737805325109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309476908814689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562242118961406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574722581090491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834479216172273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28064758296453995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okiewolfbear,2019/02/13,"Tired  I get no respect at work - everyone just assumes I'm an idiot, despite the fact that I have a college degree. My husband ignores me. My oldest is autistic and I get no help at all taking care of her. It's heartbreaking when she attacks me for no reason and smears her poop everywhere. My youngest steals from me. I've been suicidal my whole life, as long as I can remember. I just want the pain to go away. I have everything set up and once the kids are in bed, I'll just go do it. My husband doesn't care - he watches movies and plays game on his computer most of the evening. He won't even notice. No one will even care. I don't have any friends, no one will miss me. I'm just trash and I belong in the garbage.",0.7472999999999992,2.8770661800000035,2.3049166666666667,95.23537500000002,83.86666666666667,5.616666666666667,23.375,6.9077264865688965,0.6644999999999999,557,21,126,7,16,181,96,150,0.225,0.654,0.121,-0.9491,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,2,0,7,0,13,4,1,1,2,17,25,8,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,3,2,0,2,8,7,0,2,1,1,21,6,14,21,3,13,0,2,1,0,12,7,0,2,3,81,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445564789722718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914753777447563,0.15813150924775254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148056321522327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33349881143535964,0.0,0.0,0.16082611984146092,0.15126495454549127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003483906066812,0.0,0.17586863719815826,0.0,0.19130735949115094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281373472970108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888137110225434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894785152997944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191620504104185,0.0,0.17924321039810162,0.2281005829396195,0.0,0.1790922613978122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730493154201614,0.0,0.0,0.1906608812238901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184102336408942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265471522806265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344602441919254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099272797594242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879105877967676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253069569525953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dasiran,2019/02/13,Why do we try How does a depressed person find the motivation to better themselves. I know what would make me happy but I can't keep at it for too long and when I do try I just fail and gets me even more depressed (Drawing). How do people get out of their infinite spiral of depression when they should be too depressed to even try.,3.688208955223878,4.984040208955225,4.430029850746268,87.16832835820897,72.28358208955223,7.151044776119402,25.34029850746269,7.554174236665415,1.1450322388059695,262,8,54,3,5,84,50,67,0.261,0.664,0.075,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,2,3,9,7,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,4,0,15,12,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,9,2,7,9,1,6,0,5,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,41,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941130959079426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6599304460347832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762758708529968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25303528225134586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507416062418488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001550023269914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390962101694712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025934643619264,0.0,0.0,0.1052714302483206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695166235693991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786179223353988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279735767086964,0.16725496084350028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901517033658056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284500029629685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360723476398104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwantedtogo334,2019/02/13,"My friends didn’t invite me For the past couple of months, I have been improving. In October 2018, I tried to hang myself but the pole that was holding the belt loosened and fell. Ever since then I have tried to be better and get back on track.

I don’t go out with people often. I hang out with my friends occasionally, but mostly at school. For reference, we have had the same friend group for 5 YEARS. We know everything about each other and talk everyday at school.

And guess what.

5 days ago, it was my friend’s birthday. I had gotten him a gift card for Xbox because that’s all he spends his money on. I gave it to him in the morning at school and he thanked me.

I asked my other friend if he would be on Xbox tonight. His response: I’m going to a party tonight sorry. I said okay and that was that.

Cut to that night, I get a  Snapchat notification from my friend from his story. Turns out that they all went out to dinner.

Guess who didn’t get invited.

They know I have been struggling with anxiety. I have never dated a single girl, hell, even talking to one could give me an anxiety attack.

And yet they do this. I know you guys will tell me to talk to them about it, but I would literally meltdown from anxiety. They are the only friends I’ve ever had. I’m dead serious.Along with a lot of issues at home, I’m at my breaking point. I’m not a downer at all, when I’m at school I act pretty normal, just quiet. I just can’t see why it was me that wasn’t there.

I can’t take much more.
",1.2049389289069872,3.2660625954692577,2.7323708111493907,93.22647979956156,81.62135922330097,5.669944670633678,19.676479799561537,6.828538100315305,0.13461616035076673,1158,30,258,13,31,378,160,309,0.094,0.76,0.146,0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,2,1,5,1,12,14,3,1,13,1,28,1,0,0,6,46,53,13,1,5,7,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,2,16,18,1,1,4,2,2,7,8,4,0,1,16,3,42,10,40,31,10,42,1,0,1,0,35,17,1,6,17,174,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605668805202603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280071682218533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075788217364414,0.11044395940578614,0.0,0.0746495039402151,0.0,0.05917984094133313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586049383552796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751149429109111,0.10741857842227534,0.0,0.06260938763188532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412126305023656,0.17563113292614888,0.0,0.0,0.08725038538171961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250332371188319,0.0,0.15216286963034534,0.09312920004994492,0.11034704563337744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389192725619208,0.0961257201114428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738042904513318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132762307475472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160059980819326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253502385101283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748934327565117,0.0,0.07136590355318194,0.0,0.07487506007317346,0.0,0.0,0.09110419516016888,0.09511903201356793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578478084059923,0.07383468026636393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926750569157855,0.06730392874723218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177317931835073,0.0,0.0,0.0987665526446814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234651888422056,0.0,0.0,0.3930057114851123,0.07736120280697317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030662951682989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086745332831895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149042170762453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729930329111577,0.23409074166673702,0.08485330875941566,0.08937938987188057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318236191065597,0.10559654385947176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899953096396578,0.08760074589051199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379274972129561,0.0,0.0,0.06251715476077586
suicidewatch,SashaOK1,2019/02/13,"I think about killing myself ALL the time... I've fucked up every aspect of my life...almost 40, divorced, unemployed, issues with depression, alcohol and drug addiction, no friends or family anymore, lost my car to a DUI, about to lose my house...if I had a fucking gun...I would have used it on myself by now...I sleep all the time because my dreams are better than real life. I cry constantly.",3.848399999999998,5.5868116400000005,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,72.6,8.200000000000001,27.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.180066666666667,303,11,57,6,6,99,59,75,0.264,0.636,0.101,-0.9337,2,0,2,1,1,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,2,8,3,0,4,0,4,7,1,1,2,9,9,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,9,2,10,6,2,6,0,3,0,2,2,2,2,1,3,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744496138453128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336289741992924,0.19054865818871666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871725124495592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159994503335232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829666879570593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563665502175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902540908878087,0.0,0.0,0.16389710930868334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206768097881972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032812997566148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938914553411073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701813016986767,0.35184138936993475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861406170263335,0.0,0.0,0.21052847621441265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881591145476474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128866295196952,0.20772478824102267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165924874178591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904281352350998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193060308423187,0.0,0.0,0.2219200860440638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435007585505113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351770603645445,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Firewave480,2019/02/13,"I’m going to kill myself tonight, at about 1:30am I’m gonna buy a lot of junk food.
Eat it still I’m stuffed.
Get a bunch of soda.
Down all the medication I own.
Text my little brother and let him know he can have my stuff.
And then die outside my dorm so I don’t annoy my roommate.
The human body doesn’t smell nice when it’s dead.
Night guys, bye.
👋🏿 ",-1.9216244725738392,-0.05052410126582173,0.569905063291138,102.70228375527428,100.13924050632912,3.1396624472573844,14.178270042194093,4.7782277997778095,-1.4003426160337558,272,6,69,1,12,91,64,79,0.199,0.767,0.035,-0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,4,0,5,5,1,0,1,5,12,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,10,4,9,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,6,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913096159577205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721824920411181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26835549870996456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31712352323856435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370190276377863,0.0,0.14904731619597972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25967674109949684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29014971963900754,0.0,0.14413018753435167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681766653903533,0.0,0.0,0.2628515036917216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296244954370897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26419743456314393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461114514643725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094396493186064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002227681682462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,realjeffmangum,2019/02/13,"Please, anyone, help me, this is definitely a cry for help Im so fucking done with wanting to live. I hate almost every aspect of myself with a burning passion. The only thing keeping me alive is the fact that I have a girlfriend and the last thing I would want to do is hurt her.

​

To be more specific heres a list of everything that makes me want to end my life.

​

Im a terrible student in school. I'm in 1st year university living on campus and I constantly worry about being a failure. I have terrible school habits. Instead of focusing on homework or what ever I should be, I'm either accidentally sleeping in till 3-4pm, playing Minecraft on the communal PS3, trying to get high or siting in my room doing nothing important. Im such a waste of whatever potential I had in the first place (more on that later), and not to mention my parents money, who were kind enough to pay for my first year tuition :( (I know I'm a spoiled piece of shit).

​

Not only am I a terrible student, but I'm also completely lost on whatever I want to do in the future. Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to be a musician, but I feel like my parents and just society on the whole has always told me that that is a terrible idea. ""You need a career that will make you money, maybe you should do that on the side."" Right now I'm currently enrolled as a first year humanities student, and I really am not enjoying it. Everything I've learned so far in my courses has just seemed like pointless filler information that there's no real life use for. I'm thinking of maybe switching into social psychology (im taking a sociology elective rn and its prolly my favourite course all year, plus psych was my favourite course in high school) second year, but I have no idea how this will come in to play with my aspirations of being a musician. Although those aspirations have been nearly beat to death by a combination of being told its a shitty idea and depression making things like practicing guitar seem like a tedious chore. In short, even if I was a good student, I don't think I would have anything meaningful to motivate me other than just not flunking out (although Im a pretty smart kid and I've been able to do fine despite these problems so far).

​

My parents (specifically my mom) have also been adding to my stress levels rn. My mom keeps texting me like, ""this assignment is late wtf ?!"" and I just want to ignore her cause I don't want to have to deal with the fact that I'm a lazy piece of shit. This just leads too her becoming more angry and thus me becoming more stressed. Our relationship has always seemed to be defined by her being mad at me and I feel like I can never make her not disappointed in me.

​

I've also suffered from bad self-esteem and body dysmorphia for a good majority of my life. About a year and a half ago, my sister made an off-handed comment about how I look like I had a receding hairline in a picture of us on a roller coaster while we were out at a theme park. Since that day my anxiety about my hairless has been a constant struggle. It's like that comment woke me up and made me realize that I'm following in my fathers footsteps and I'm going bald as well. I know for a fact that I am because my hairline has that distinct M-shaped pattern, and literally every male in my family is bald as fuck. Ive always somewhat worried about this, but now that I know for sure that its actually happening its been completely destroying my self esteem. I talk to my parents about this, and they usually try to lift my spirits by saying that bald guys are pretty good looking. ""look at the rock etc. etc."" When that doesn't work they usually get frustrated at me for still being upset. I've also told my girlfriend about this and she usually responds the same way (with out the frustration because she actually understands how depression works). Nowadays, I find myself constantly looking at pictures of me, being sorely disappointed in the way Im starting to look. I tend to hat myself and the way I look more and more each day.

​

I used got be going to weekly counselling sessions with a social worker who was actually helping me, and I was able to build a strong relationship with. We talked about self-esteem and the whole hair loss thing, but I feel like that relationship has been tainted tho since around Christmas time, I had a session with my parents about my school habits and he just seemed so disappointed in me. I tried to ask my parents to book me a new appointment with him but they keep forgetting.

​

I have no one to talk to. Im too embarrassed to expose my whack ass hairline to them, my parents always end up frustrated at me and my girlfriend and I only get to see each other once a week due to her still being in high school.

​

I hate every fucking finer of my being. I want to just lock myself in my room and wither away. I want to burn all of my hair off with a fucking blowtorch. My depression is so strong that death seems like a better option than continuing to live this stupid life, I feel like I was born with all of the card stacked against me: my male pattern baldness, my adhd, depression, anxiety and ocd, the fact that my whole life I've also always been an annoying piece of shit who no one wants to associate themselves with. I jus want to fucking die because I feel like theres no positive outcomes even possible for me. Im always going to be disappointed with the way my hair looks. Im never going to be able to succeed in life. Im scared my girlfriend, the one person keeping me alive is going to stop being attracted to me once my hair loss becomes to visible. I cant even fix any of these things, my hair is doomed to fall out no matter how much rogaine I use, I'm always going to want to have some stupid unsustainable career, Im never going to be a likeable person.

​

These past couple of months its been getting even more extreme. I feel like im disassociating from who I was. My memories feel foreign to me now, almost as if the person who actually experienced them was a completely different person who just happened to have the same name. I don't even look the same as I did a year ago. My hair I so much far gone and the stress has aged me like 5 years. 

​

I don't even know why I'm writing this post, its not like living as u/realjeffmangum is even worth it anymore. Lets hope reincarnation is real so I can be someone who isn't as fucking worthless ",5.953255363421111,6.3149431531176035,6.622694984573437,76.88849034942963,66.5611681136543,9.486316997919207,32.63449809858649,9.373539854054897,2.8892228887134963,5153,205,965,92,77,1696,456,1267,0.161,0.711,0.128,-0.9965,9,0,0,0,0,1,161.0,4,3,5,16,58,82,19,7,66,0,95,30,16,17,14,175,195,68,3,21,25,11,13,15,4,6,7,1,4,11,58,53,0,6,28,6,5,12,22,49,1,8,32,24,145,33,158,138,30,128,2,16,9,8,79,58,10,15,68,662,203,26,0.07843691970105296,0.0,0.10205749195537857,0.0,0.031421978292364414,0.0,0.046353064468040835,0.0,0.05236216326068548,0.0,0.0,0.1045432939107558,0.15228686816444606,0.2832878990849732,0.31769814261823104,0.0177799317044338,0.0,0.04000268592001017,0.0,0.025929449238129884,0.01828163933473277,0.0,0.02151563388509271,0.023275162708869156,0.024442643904878568,0.0,0.02456468934821517,0.0,0.021830517212684846,0.04781441822459437,0.08662741533400695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023123693788970726,0.0,0.02904191181669241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026858774325636218,0.0,0.022522153680980463,0.08223961798170704,0.08476244497061276,0.0,0.0,0.028929653251719614,0.02871975772586792,0.033723549521808664,0.02695500668606642,0.09007680533836344,0.0,0.027135046352376475,0.02731662888008216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026756067190343312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631455302928682,0.027015435187156774,0.05831859955334396,0.12088263998145415,0.04730045631200168,0.06608648780474415,0.0,0.04699603052368504,0.0,0.024647782395688867,0.0,0.09254014785537916,0.1120707022137397,0.0,0.0,0.023896641200716585,0.06671840382819665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145027336695876,0.05464007090576878,0.0,0.10401418777314188,0.06578916683079401,0.02091105667797033,0.0,0.0,0.02588829411299693,0.046241006033157214,0.0,0.0,0.05162681290609796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052574613896308825,0.0828729121498854,0.0,0.02596851982887617,0.0,0.0,0.027989448270312276,0.08854573496780906,0.33890133248054244,0.0,0.0,0.09295778425207897,0.0,0.027226660556748283,0.05747583968671316,0.021312186130858144,0.029493420631510312,0.0,0.0,0.02673568821940859,0.110804632080305,0.1916015848204202,0.0,0.09234831616935324,0.0,0.17564602054896394,0.0,0.028541054496420026,0.0,0.0,0.04947927329767534,0.06980967063082155,0.0,0.05253361898551599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124291490808484,0.02086920032450542,0.0,0.03844010736528393,0.019386660695910014,0.06049538795616938,0.025251621939553482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025087446636194336,0.0,0.0,0.05568850638499443,0.053150886752870635,0.059654811935619965,0.0,0.0,0.20322147287025985,0.0,0.02495897172570554,0.0,0.09131745710657208,0.02731662888008216,0.028700061222279413,0.0,0.02947528053306296,0.025040295702128845,0.05319903061174434,0.0,0.025017846338839002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951892443125836,0.016749566417537116,0.0,0.0,0.08421189756118165,0.0,0.022328233617550392,0.0,0.020792062257903702,0.02617634668400989,0.13230391714125458,0.020834689913170477,0.11901004301859595,0.08182681370475027,0.0,0.08051437090430733,0.06488383052147421,0.0,0.02616452196880029,0.053304374560671455,0.02215311584175899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018506018492338468,0.0,0.04175988359624039,0.021858925680950138,0.08984922650686755,0.027333099650884225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02464195618514237,0.0,0.01965826734003077,0.06304462491799492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685000690372642,0.033506140666953545,0.0,0.0,0.015245732883561087,0.0,0.0,0.07494983811470439,0.0,0.05325351974238246,0.0,0.0,0.02721853321178037,0.031449985572390225,0.06774431464617224,0.08638718556616304,0.0,0.1850565098807812,0.08301276789413985,0.04194491049474878,0.0,0.0235080702355375,0.0,0.023592373315927118,0.08757201970233608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806867448104767,0.053104332916738106,0.0,0.03714622486030683,0.0,0.31769814261823104,0.13469547901879805
suicidewatch,BalzacEfronJeremy,2019/02/13,"Update on me Not that anyone gives a fuck. I called in to work, went and picked up, slammed a pretty fat speedball. Slammed the rest of the heroin as soon as possible. Caught a good nod. Never went out though. So tomorrow I'll call in again. Fuck the coke just get the h and do all the h in one shot. If that doesn't do it well, I may not be able to afford to kill myself the way I see fit til I sell some shit the next day. Life is suffering. Heroin is relief. Why not relieve myself as much as possible. All at once. Never suffer again
",-0.2215423514538557,1.9715561061946936,1.6552022756005051,97.57170353982302,89.70796460176994,4.644500632111252,15.151074589127688,6.18269132825596,-0.6713863463969663,412,8,95,4,14,135,78,113,0.219,0.67,0.111,-0.9346,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,10,0,7,6,2,1,4,15,15,10,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,6,6,1,1,3,1,7,4,16,10,5,22,0,2,1,2,3,8,3,3,10,64,10,1,0.17213076655464024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035783421467422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35152951605145394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101010440471892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182642400030903,0.08993122108940635,0.1651235160046083,0.0,0.14437512029712793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904371898979156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158105092908016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653591903750214,0.0,0.2655157173841949,0.0,0.18306302301183044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331364864019614,0.11664026219667673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881031523348628,0.0,0.17511887171368093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371659350985753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668975828275668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911760418429675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662939046338754,0.0,0.0,0.1547662312066446,0.31913389020101435,0.15532124358751145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531324811931338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,good_news_everyone10,2019/02/13,"Tattooing suicide note I think I've finally crossed the line from being depressed to being suicidal, I dont feel guilty about it because I think everybody secretly thinks I am a burden anyways. Figure it'd be pretty unique if I got my suicide note tattoed to my back before I go. Still have a few things I would like to try before I cancel my subscription, but there's something peaceful about planning ahead. I think that I'm finally ok with the idea of nothingness and the great beyond.",7.8748387096774195,7.5820427204301115,7.7779784946236585,72.42696774193551,62.65591397849462,10.880860215053763,37.95483870967742,10.355215969177356,4.053952258064516,395,18,67,8,5,127,67,93,0.14300000000000002,0.669,0.188,0.7518,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,13,16,3,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,12,3,10,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863717040265532,0.0,0.10197960979980722,0.0,0.28470622723193323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408829702691775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606489991712436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458782804305254,0.0,0.0,0.3665202715578278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507586094569738,0.0,0.13379864147907813,0.184439947069607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885222986587785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081730388374612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701960387146291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878950340846151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359955404328544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489706673936153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114132695560228,0.4287756636581805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358024138838227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118839389585257,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,breadriver43,2019/02/13,Life I’ve thought about suicide a couple times and have fallen into deep depression for a while. The only thing keeping me going is that my family would be sad. How do I feel like I’m actually worth something? How do I give my life meaning? Please help.,2.504200000000001,4.877469020000003,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,78.8,6.4,24.0,7.554174236665415,1.2886000000000006,201,7,38,3,5,66,42,50,0.238,0.604,0.158,-0.7757,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,2,0,9,13,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,3,10,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2442285214018477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769202457542179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555815804300865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593334835096705,0.0,0.1265446034275279,0.17879374569316603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240082873405226,0.14223485100930233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775146333901714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245248012368726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535478018511435,0.1222698327184744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726186306980749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034247245545066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747225463672745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267094346194874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737559962067384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626901847920253,0.0,0.0,0.19868732212426404,0.1459351088685429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778543053477772,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadder-star,2019/02/13,"It is so hard to live. I am so broken.  I am too afraid to kill myself but I don’t want to live.  My husband left me for someone else, on my birthday and I am just lost in grief.  

I am devastated.  I have lost all will to live.  I just exist.  I don’t enjoy anything I used to love.  I barely eat.  I barely get out of bed.  I don’t enjoy anything at all.  I watch tv just to try to down out the loneliness and silence.  I do work two days a week... and so far I’ve been going to work.  But I used to love my job and now I hate it.  It feels meaningless, I’m just going to avoid becoming homeless.  I am so overwhelmed with all the choices I have to make, and none of them have been easy.  

I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown.. and I have no safe space to land.  It feels like there isn’t a place for me in the world.  Death feels like the only place that I belong.  ",-1.347669018893697,0.5231557172774899,1.3020987935351729,100.5181288413385,91.30366492146595,4.159435465513317,15.634190758024127,5.511479884284512,-0.9725863419075806,646,14,166,4,23,221,94,191,0.206,0.61,0.184,-0.6129,1,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,4,11,16,2,3,8,0,18,3,0,3,3,28,36,12,3,1,6,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,2,4,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,4,6,28,8,26,31,4,21,0,4,1,2,4,16,0,0,6,110,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275504707159146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269601352386852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916550645082183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147329780805226,0.11549751014324285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796312714090695,0.29631640390419384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223453141655524,0.0,0.15715135671190025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385275344535004,0.13650196923183086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720055350028995,0.0,0.15296290887550187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021862159700616,0.0,0.0,0.20263883949991274,0.0,0.3662552354903793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30185168701391313,0.0,0.24956798123300386,0.0,0.09228884155472533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051520691799904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889020975738666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714625663688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386866893608267,0.0,0.13505878555377687,0.0,0.0,0.2388224731280031,0.0,0.0,0.08154863915333392,0.0,0.11090289249890564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013081474605134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mhopelessc,2019/02/13,"It's all over. My husband of 7 years, together 11, love of my life, just informed me a few hours ago that he accepted a job offer 20 hours away.

He  also informed me that he won't be bringing me. Out of nowhere. No  reason. He just doesn't love me anymore, and isn't willing to work  things out. He leaves in a couple of weeks.

I'm  not sure what is the use here. I've about made my mind up. I just  haven't decided when. Or how to gather the courage. 50mg of Valium in me  and I'm still cowardly. You'll have to take my word when I say that  nobody would want me now. No, there isn't a damn thing you can do to  help unless you can wake me up from this nightmare that isn't a  nightmare. Or if anybody just has the deep desire to see what it feels  like to snatch the life out of someone, I suppose I could show you where  I keep my handgun. Just aim wisely, please, and make it quick. I've  already suffered enough.",0.8702051282051286,2.5450668153846188,2.4319230769230766,96.9222435897436,80.84615384615384,5.35897435897436,21.08974358974359,6.139981653823899,-0.03771794871794842,699,20,167,5,18,228,117,195,0.039,0.7879999999999999,0.173,0.9728,1,0,0,1,0,0,25.0,0,4,0,1,16,9,1,0,9,0,17,5,1,5,2,35,30,11,0,5,10,1,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,12,6,0,1,6,1,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,3,21,7,24,23,3,22,0,1,1,2,18,11,1,3,11,109,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075775143488948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767766650850576,0.1360057816971208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686648124755921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978737860521974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578791903563225,0.18818041586127845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572888910759385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599304840689875,0.12149881395020093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399506037016953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349715123275291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876930508024826,0.15116699071617312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800807180117771,0.0,0.0,0.2402524676301161,0.08308813935068164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30699158048867115,0.16092536859419387,0.11352376691264013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717233095734139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668697509299256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486139613764806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524734943282934,0.0,0.0,0.13552463204750487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144100674676337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581898464323947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028998074077697,0.0,0.1278722869911788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597533782367984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468868083949609,0.0,0.0,0.10031232971752553,0.0,0.13642076231412742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238137722011128,0.0,0.0,0.12081361606837775,0.0,0.0,0.10952019989595306
suicidewatch,yikeslol101,2019/02/13,"Soon I think I’m gonna kill myself sometime soon. I can feel it 

All my life I’ve suffered with anxiety, and it’s prevented me from ever being happy and has warped my perception on life and how I view myself. Nothing I do is enough. Nothing I do will ever be enough. 

I moved to a different city recently, so I don’t really have a support system here. 

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be close to anybody. I don’t deserve any love or kindness. 

I’m sorry for the pain that it’ll cause people but I can’t live like this anymore. ",1.3747368421052641,2.9569636666666668,3.86477192982456,87.65873684210527,79.0,6.665263157894738,23.68070175438596,7.554174236665415,1.0894133333333331,414,14,89,6,10,145,74,114,0.093,0.778,0.129,0.5631,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,3,0,16,4,0,2,4,18,24,7,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,15,5,7,17,3,10,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,7,61,20,0,0.16371367703066322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133091436204813,0.0,0.12524051482441798,0.0,0.1623599764371109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681790433183335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104594781710522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33831998359417675,0.0,0.0,0.4442651809773884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277855415230648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742762534425955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112492743519926,0.17048260168805998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312716233507701,0.07998223309993753,0.0,0.14456217619168035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477579853288753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400172978370074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141753769864154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420289503309344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113498450178729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487917363412867,0.0,0.16164750550262055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619170127312082,0.1832640579996744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578034059955004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980222754540293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im_verysuperfamous,2019/02/13,"I'm so tired of it all I want her. I want to be with her, i just want to make her happy, I want to see her smile, hear her laugh, but slowly she is leaving me behind. She's all I think about, all I dream about, I love her. I hate myself I know she doesn't feel the same but in my fucked up mind I keep holding onto the hope she will one day feel the same. I dont want To keep struggling through life. Fuck it. Fuck this. I'm done",-0.9581632653061228,0.6195931836734729,0.9952653061224516,105.38187755102041,86.55102040816327,3.92,13.881632653061226,3.1291,-1.7101134693877549,324,4,90,0,10,106,59,98,0.228,0.56,0.212,-0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,4,1,3,0,6,6,0,1,3,24,28,3,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,4,24,4,13,25,5,4,0,0,1,4,12,3,3,1,1,59,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076446061235308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080920335842295,0.19561993785312626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879171816992464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629231132884314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768121560005104,0.0,0.16479131110134934,0.0,0.0,0.1881222595955504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578154602514414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296718590237963,0.0,0.0,0.09173061869858026,0.0,0.0,0.17673599416230856,0.0,0.0,0.11789507279113445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064484075850734,0.0,0.11141523661097072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853381180051905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310407417086345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300746933289326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449294559885642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695064327322312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918411010791564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922459082544506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloody_pancake,2019/02/13,"I enjoy my suicidal thoughts. I am a very quiet person. I tend to enjoy thinking about things that interest me. But recently I have been thinking of how I would kill myself. And for some reason this is enjoyable. I was wondering if this is something that happened to others before they attempted suicide?

Note: I have had no actual intentions on killing myself.",3.5738846153846167,6.700406753846156,4.824903846153845,74.94197115384618,81.46153846153845,8.173076923076923,29.663461538461537,8.841846274778883,3.4953461538461537,289,14,43,8,8,95,51,65,0.252,0.596,0.153,-0.875,0,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,2,0,1,0,9,0,0,3,0,12,15,4,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,12,4,6,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.21499186005571727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746852527518956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948203842254461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874831959134118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236716073214705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265165106357528,0.21753063951410168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696062535031214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819691859744215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636490999208798,0.2823329230322995,0.0,0.17490240987333686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177973602169425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891799756881885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650268929314826,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manofathousandnames,2019/02/13,"Valentines Day Hope Hello to all who are here who are alone this Valentines. I am a Funeral Director who has heard that besides Christmas, this is the worst part of the year for people ending their own lives. I want you all to know that even though you may be alone, heartbroken, or in pain today, that you matter to someone. I understand the pain of every side, to those who have lost people on Valentines day, to those who are helpless on Valentines day, and those who are devastated by love lost. Know that you are worth it, and though today is supposed to be a day of love, if you don't feel that love, reach out to those who can provide it. Talk to that family member, that person you always see on your days journey, talk to that friend, reach out if you feel alone, don't let it consume you, because I have seen the devastation of a Valentines Day gone wrong. Stay safe, and have a happy Valentines Day.

Yours, 

Manofathousandnames",7.986866416978778,7.081468573033707,6.906479400749062,80.77291510611734,62.70786516853932,9.708863920099876,32.13732833957553,8.515128840125781,2.2775186017478157,738,22,143,8,9,223,92,178,0.191,0.6609999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.8807,0,3,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,10,1,2,4,14,0,0,8,0,19,5,0,0,2,20,35,8,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,24,5,0,1,5,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,5,5,15,7,21,26,5,21,0,3,2,3,27,7,0,5,11,102,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35467571884174864,0.0,0.0,0.0949821576305327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695849367379805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153223033027652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110324549341856,0.0,0.0,0.07539516771147317,0.0,0.0961765141955244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761070252988963,0.0,0.11543559883654525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881922048578013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215150704500134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133769609608172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546799115413185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672637098637625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007967676452574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492169783063995,0.0,0.30907518911125376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429278417959016,0.0,0.0,0.123613603714958,0.0,0.15827482972576565,0.09967160082320503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096297519004523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967191417340118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166898504419135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834993041631054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430409449052569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640219147236134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883444253650705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732877869871262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480538565996847,0.0,0.07350902249601632
suicidewatch,new-account27,2019/02/13,"I’ve written about 10 suicide notes and have stored them over the past 6 months or so When I plan to kill myself, and are going to do it. I write a note. I’ve collected them, and kept them together, and dated them. So when I do eventually commit suicide, they’ll read everything. Is this normal, or am I weird. It seems like I’m writing a new one each week",0.8256756756756758,3.0102836621621663,2.6877702702702737,92.26787162162165,84.0,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.4241675675675678,277,8,61,4,8,92,53,74,0.2,0.7390000000000001,0.061,-0.9136,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,5,1,5,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,13,12,10,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,10,1,4,9,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,8,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423497867094772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325194757748875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983348560619009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174049722071607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523716752598027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604358335342779,0.0,0.0,0.2642060206341496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827261568610702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25741754811245754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26972937500455635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454850609334473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5899206738994575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163021003832941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,REPLY_WITH_POSHNESS,2019/02/13,I’m in the medical discipline and I have suicidal thoughts. It’s strange that I successfully help patients overcome their suicidal ideation but I have it myself. I don’t know what I can do because I’ve tried every therapy that’s available. I feel like I’m my own worst enemy in that I keep pursuing short term temptations and find myself in ruts of procrastination and failure. It’s not even that I’m depressed by the ways that it’s clinically evaluated: I hide it well. I just don’t match up to my expectations of myself or my profession. I’m surrounded by very successful people and it’s very evident I don’t match up to them in terms of drive and conscientiousness. My dilemma is: to what extent to I continue to suffer for other people’s sake.,2.9863926940639267,5.56481590410959,5.01695890410959,76.42963926940641,78.31506849315069,9.098812785388127,28.91141552511415,9.558583805096642,3.2718653881278543,606,28,111,19,15,208,82,146,0.225,0.682,0.093,-0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,16,16,7,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,14,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,1,20,4,17,15,5,13,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,1,4,74,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656518012882166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295469237982296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479681543453951,0.0,0.18875296293982305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132751144673148,0.16004540265545322,0.0,0.0,0.20475721955167847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016101593513795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912607465698706,0.0,0.0,0.12311974125150794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944859695274632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256842951444426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106251387817971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4900997903745673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561951495540973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785293522785134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210007328650116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36969255757900094,0.0,0.17782272619952147,0.0,0.0,0.20142776794547554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princesskatnis,2019/02/13,"Hopefully this will keep you alive A little while ago I went into a spiral so fast I couldn't keep up with myself. For context, I have bpd, anxiety, and elements of depression.
I went from negative thought to negative thought so fast that I was genuinely convinced the only way out was the terrible last resort. Something I thought I once craved.
My attempt was a nightmare.
I still have traumatic flashbacks when I sleep. 
The overdose I tried resulted in a series of events I can only describe as horrific. 
Whilst I'm not doing well mentally now, I never want another night like that again, and I most certainly don't want anyone else to go through what I did. Not even people I hate, that's how horrifying my attempt on my life was.

I post this here tonight to try to reach out to those contemplating, because no one should have to go through the nightmare I did.
Reach out as far as you can, friends, family, online or telephone support. Something. Please. Don't go through what I did. Stay alive. Keep going. ",3.2011578947368413,5.903906010526318,3.8897368421052647,84.09565789473685,78.36842105263158,7.378947368421053,29.5,8.395991825355821,2.543189473684211,802,38,145,17,20,254,117,190,0.16899999999999998,0.687,0.14400000000000002,-0.7945,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,2,10,10,1,0,8,0,18,2,1,2,2,26,36,11,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,3,0,0,6,9,3,1,1,12,0,24,7,24,21,1,32,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,3,15,104,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193183711179822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114408553236096,0.10297173183901888,0.0,0.0,0.09411828330317697,0.1379177586965599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205338113723633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695290922567528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159342732981054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244441396256318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890470728499948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689272137128133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039947571667565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059943402585146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328936348149236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336921958401638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589267999964344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972026826189793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507482309154083,0.06576074100461075,0.1349086224946671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564922584599698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381494346948424,0.0,0.0,0.12631678507025915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334892305625654,0.09121118964639202,0.20474489504112772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331750186697332,0.0,0.0,0.14775482895590664,0.0,0.0,0.12891347442845372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470126207299116,0.0,0.0,0.20724955175637214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434700104708535,0.10749497031022398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527470838011014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205817471231203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277463219550094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587859154308815,0.10684243167949643,0.0,0.0,0.12102520861659047,0.2495586106676715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waddqwerty,2019/02/13,"I really don't want to make this post. I've never really never thought of myself as truly suicidal. I have always known that my life has ups and downs but, this ""down"" is really awful. I have such bad anxiety and think of myself as a failure. my health issues and school problems have always dragged me down. I've become so lonely now. When I'm out I am happy and sociable but I still have social anxiety. Once I get home from school I just sit in my room and feel broken. I know it's not what I would prefer doing each day but sometimes the alternative seems impossible. ",1.2748496240601526,3.827186184210529,3.4225563909774444,85.02789473684213,86.28070175438597,6.415037593984962,17.791979949874687,7.7094869923839395,0.7987664160401007,451,11,86,9,14,153,80,114,0.268,0.649,0.083,-0.9728,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,10,2,0,1,2,25,19,12,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,5,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,15,1,12,17,1,15,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,1,6,62,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884392742067747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651851102631115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471848529677708,0.0,0.19142298538897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177978419107684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763793426222988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055475210404848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845068568673996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184235542578162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385832628006614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809054563268501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525445938344927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242402353779963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156952638173077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26735664962839745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458463933675007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599669307376014,0.0,0.0,0.1658478721448041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331078037741492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508267312400131,0.0,0.15778786176213833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668221670969064,0.0,0.0,0.17142208707300646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841694727933526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958856679492675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105916269003294,0.0,0.1376000714644217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223111658837722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312455412539328,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SaderAndSader,2019/02/13,Goodbye world. Its a big day tommorow now i will go nice talking to someone for once at least for the last time. GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD NICE KNOWING YOU.,1.5222413793103442,4.245856310344827,1.8857758620689644,94.45556034482763,89.34482758620689,2.9000000000000004,27.9396551724138,3.1291,0.5399586206896552,119,6,22,0,4,36,25,29,0.13,0.688,0.182,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025580983598261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666244915439551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578284463502333,0.3824137493873908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996214464745734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975029139499705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770789670219752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735607618272278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unusualeel,2019/02/13,"too much pain to live, too afraid to die i've been wanting to die for so long now. i kept trying to push on and recover so i could live a happy and fulfilling life. at this point, i don't think a happy and fulfilling life is possible for me. i'm so fucking disappointed and sad about this. 

i really wanted a normal life: graduate college, have a career, get married, have kids. my mental illnesses are completely debilitating. i feel so alone in my life. i came from an abusive family. i have only two friends, one of whom lives across the country.

i just want relief. i just want a single scrap of lasting happiness. i've spent so much fucking money on residential treatment, outpatient treatments, psychiatric admissions, therapies, etc. it's exhausting. i'm exhausted. i want to give up.

but i'm too scared to die!! i keep thinking of hanging myself or overdosing on sleeping pills, but the thought of eternal dark silent rest terrifies me. i don't think i'm ready to die. i WANT to live, that's what i really want. but the life i've been given is a life of pain and suffering... that's some shit luck 

i don't know what to do in this limbo where i'm too suicidal to function in life, but too afraid of death's permanence to act on my suicidal thoughts",2.6679625850340116,5.012249338775514,4.285127551020409,82.52252125850343,78.06122448979592,8.328231292517007,26.943027210884352,9.075114841892004,2.5198741496598642,988,41,190,26,24,330,130,245,0.247,0.6679999999999999,0.085,-0.994,0,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,0,16,19,3,3,10,0,13,17,2,0,0,33,41,15,7,9,7,0,1,0,1,0,13,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,7,0,2,4,3,13,0,2,8,1,21,6,31,32,6,20,0,3,0,2,4,12,3,3,4,116,30,3,0.0,0.10499193582225606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177636201055424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134968542870812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290906308598272,0.0,0.0,0.07075028409668292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678652885700111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882693848711133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353646669565055,0.0,0.04480540425346218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846219763200037,0.16384261387578875,0.04629664436126008,0.0850056810475879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28299061516249313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876332162070594,0.0,0.0,0.048699397076727095,0.07223143641690605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43812996481334904,0.0,0.0,0.3129876722471355,0.07841973214232016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893010797996765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028152785294522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682194298420197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060046474091073825,0.06739419298788316,0.18858099695049366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376794394964232,0.09989786306397462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353553636126787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871708934614199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095998922733843,0.0,0.0,0.08867701292415665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938565176961776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133670839820462,0.0,0.0,0.17033893104401449,0.0,0.14069767570789912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060162422281633,0.0,0.08656204228126056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658637759104983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,decentbyassociation,2019/02/13,"Die happy Does anyone have a moment of happiness and just wanna die then and there. Just take my in this bliss please. Weird that when i finally get a minute of joy, the first thing that pops in my head is just kill me now. *sigh*",1.1078723404255302,3.319984893617022,1.884510638297872,98.294,83.04255319148936,5.4621276595744686,13.655319148936169,6.742157984588678,-0.7805540425531916,178,2,41,2,5,55,38,47,0.212,0.523,0.265,0.5537,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,4,4,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,5,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068753244052848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066957092569954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136224870015264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674107995382497,0.0,0.20764001720148173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753750777648068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197197087018021,0.0,0.0,0.2505274979745648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27007177588960346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679597021485916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183540495624548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621759744781292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yankh8r806,2019/02/13,"How I helped one of my best friends not make the decision to kill himself. This man is very close to me and we’ve been great friends since early high school. This all took place about 2 years ago. He joined the marines and after bootcamp was stationed in California for his school. He was on the other side of the country from home. This was the first time him and his girlfriend have been apart since the beginning of the relationship and he took it very hard. I love this dude and we’ve always had a bit of a soft spot toward each other and he’s the only one of my friends that I’ve casually said “I love you” to. 

Now on to the situation. 

I was in Florida at that time because I’m also in the military and one morning he text me that he was having a bit of a rough time. I knew that he wasn’t handling the distance well but I never knew that he felt himself slipping into a depression. 

Regularly we kept in touch so I tried to talk to him about anything we needed to and we even FaceTimed a few times. Every day I would just talk to him about his day and how he’s doing, what he’s done during the day, blah blah. Just talked to him like it was another day with the boys. 

One day it was just really bad and he told me about how he feels like he is a burden to his girlfriend no matter what she says and he feels like he’s holding her back. That was the first time that he ever told me that he had thoughts of ending it. I text his girlfriend, who I was friends with also, and asked her more about the situation and she said how they were fighting more and it was hard but she loved him. I asked her what I could do to help but she didn’t even know. 

After brainstorming for a few minutes I decided to send him a care package. I got his shipping address and told him to keep checking his mailbox. I’ve always known this guy loves sweets so I bought him a huge bag of gummy bears, a tray of brownies and a mess of assorted crackers, chips, and candy bars. It all totaled me no more than $50 but that was nothing to try and keep one of my best friends mentally safe. 

They got delivered to him about 2 weeks later and he was so appreciative. He loved them and the snacks lasted him a long time. I told him I love him, that everyone loves him, and that I’ll kick his ass if he ever thought about leaving his girl. 

About 4 months later he got transferred a few states away from home and she moved in with him. They got engaged 6 months later and shortly afterwards he quietly told me that I’m going to be an uncle to his baby boy. December 21st 2019 I was a groomsman at his wedding. 

I’m not posting this to brag by any means I just want everyone to know that it will get better and that there are people who love you. If you ever have someone you care about that find themselves in this situation, just talk to them like a normal day. Treat them like a person and just like you would any other day and reassure them you’re there for them. 

I’m sorry the formatting was so terrible, I’m not too great at writing stories. Thank you everyone for reading. ",2.988735020408164,4.4017345184000005,3.903209795918368,89.79673142857143,74.21600000000002,6.95804081632653,24.755102040816325,7.523968598718282,1.0017170612244906,2394,75,518,29,49,769,259,625,0.067,0.73,0.202,0.9985,0,0,0,0,2,0,44.0,3,6,8,5,36,41,2,0,35,0,35,11,1,5,7,89,86,42,1,8,15,0,8,8,8,3,0,4,4,6,37,35,2,5,14,3,2,5,8,7,1,7,42,13,80,34,67,39,14,65,0,1,0,9,120,21,1,2,43,338,117,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083853643539684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172775293375114,0.09544188205597606,0.0,0.0,0.07800180774653577,0.060137920655005374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719529764648487,0.0,0.10723159359548776,0.0,0.05388350775877947,0.04409966978574164,0.04788600527094966,0.03496086786558738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037346635122463,0.050722633452727775,0.1252257023467985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169471047918615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045790408809335034,0.0,0.0,0.25890826087544105,0.0,0.0493966580498242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869037192404149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079629833949651,0.0,0.0,0.07576008888216494,0.15563281516931154,0.0483210097211637,0.16440509897457234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799716011966495,0.08194367216378243,0.05506631701812261,0.0,0.052418120713630716,0.09756610608474137,0.0,0.0,0.22154766285254854,0.0,0.029963728045325082,0.0,0.03259410992309728,0.0,0.18347654534187055,0.12646019397984892,0.0,0.056786881239374996,0.0,0.0,0.10275113990842978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688283985300838,0.06059487993139026,0.11505621706270225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195308025236201,0.06345080272116138,0.0,0.06303763523731262,0.04674902786108655,0.0,0.06072682868255772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811391890067912,0.0,0.0,0.050754165009547235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140948641509515,0.0,0.03828249032332077,0.0,0.0,0.06247246404804248,0.0,0.0,0.057796700088925214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155464591183324,0.06095543880119088,0.0,0.042525320276472066,0.04423291850752255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619217383543736,0.055030194207099266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431389084120484,0.04361830751199875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039760224467306364,0.05007701134302665,0.059919983653713635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054926766979279014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736689834849602,0.0,0.03674076147358767,0.0,0.0,0.061573917087471335,0.0,0.0,0.10910858810042204,0.0456081179009977,0.0,0.11608531326801715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488330548410302,0.19339605624816908,0.0,0.0,0.048593636679850484,0.0,0.0,0.06420017252554615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438746162636066,0.0,0.05280144369288406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910611762404217,0.2006522991944936,0.0,0.0,0.274008498290954,0.12743898293556355,0.07787564237823273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946417867586642,0.033827328815437256,0.0,0.046003816251177714,0.0,0.05156577667132412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148154723622184,0.0,0.0,0.03693240725487368
suicidewatch,starfruit90,2019/02/13,On the edge of it. I don't know what my purpose is. I feel lost and every moment is me in extreme anxiety. I want to die. I don't know how to do it. I'm not asking for advice on methods because that's futile. I'm asking for hope. ,-2.0923989218328853,-0.29395560377358443,1.8345552560646887,95.39528301886793,95.60377358490568,3.783288409703504,17.005390835579515,5.288315135182226,-0.6116986522911048,175,5,42,1,7,65,37,53,0.204,0.7170000000000001,0.079,-0.765,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,15,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,8,14,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921942752145321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287458741030237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5590778535811848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227694199305908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103306567520025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25193327350607003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119111218203046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969896461100666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286619607301388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264105051176009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763669619409203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trash242424,2019/02/13,"Just want to put my thoughts out there Not really expecting anyone to care or reply, nobody really ever did. I've read other people's posts and I thought I could feel better if I did it myself, too.
 Nobody around me can understand how I'm feeling and even though I'm not really alone (I do have family and a girlfriend) they would never understand how I feel, and if I were to tell them I would just hurt them or make them feel weird about me. I feel like I'm not even living my life now, as if I was some stranger trying to make things work for somebody else I don't know. I feel like I'm wearing a mask and I'm not allowed to show my real self to anyone otherwise I would just hurt them.
 I've been having these thoughts lately about hoping to die in some way or manner. Any would do, I'm just too much of a coward to do it myself.
I'm looking and thinking about a way to end my life in a way that would not interfere with the lives of everyone around me but I don't think there is.
I just want to disappear. I feel like I'm worthless and pathetic. I look myself in the mirror and I want to spit in the face that I'm looking at. 
It's 2am where I live and, as of now, it's almost a month where there's has not been a single day in which I haven't thought about killing myself or hoping to die.
I don't deserve life. There's people in the world who want to live or have normal lives but can't because of their medical condition. I'd like to disappear and give them the chance I had at life so I could finally do something good. But instead of volunteering or helping people in some way, here I am contemplating suicide and hoping for death to come. I deserve all the shit things that happened in my life and worse.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I seriously fucking hate myself and if you asked me why, I would not know how to answer that question. Not that it matters, of course, I would still hate myself.
 Today I've had a magnetic resonance to my brain because of some dysfunction with my hormones and doctors wanted to be sure I don't have a pituary gland tumor before giving me treatment.
I hope I do have it but I've read it's highly unlikely to die from it.
I'm 24 and I don't want to live anymore.
 I apologize to anyone who took time to read this ungrammatical piece of shit, english is not my first language.",3.7042687747035568,4.4188803416149085,4.947581404103143,85.65983625070584,71.67080745341616,7.924938829286656,26.23056653491436,8.101407402915765,1.443918426501036,1827,56,389,25,33,607,197,483,0.141,0.723,0.13699999999999998,-0.9009,1,1,1,0,0,4,38.0,0,1,7,3,34,23,6,0,15,0,40,15,6,6,4,108,94,36,6,25,28,0,7,4,1,7,8,0,0,1,23,21,0,1,20,4,0,5,17,11,0,1,13,10,59,12,55,71,8,41,0,3,3,1,19,17,3,20,18,267,82,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298473988380031,0.06514488814331584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277380092110567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237937907427985,0.13194232932069908,0.0,0.0,0.1119877390605776,0.05880251970326941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766858741003027,0.0,0.053522821718821376,0.0,0.0,0.055629475474497536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702166178570888,0.0,0.0,0.06413020830134449,0.0,0.0,0.054182329486933405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044022758400886,0.0,0.0,0.04056495878550472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583917811766768,0.0,0.0,0.06438027945593339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525444415141981,0.0,0.05571026660723027,0.0,0.0,0.08308902199141435,0.05689617753881707,0.0,0.060103145274137126,0.0,0.0,0.059296028514947675,0.0,0.2226270565813584,0.13480619569488028,0.0,0.06890330198131793,0.0,0.0535022625613641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058149552456760574,0.0,0.12067781860332764,0.0,0.052757096625668284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562179932222913,0.0,0.0,0.12420042180960253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042160193220238285,0.06645675032162822,0.0,0.2498934902205817,0.0,0.0,0.13467038097872688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958895139195903,0.0,0.06913581461957427,0.0,0.07095334917737955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213880198039146,0.122918028130682,0.0,0.3332483406200768,0.0,0.15845915581481712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397177794519002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336460519268826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020576203003448,0.0,0.046238352519052686,0.0,0.0485119538908196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061628132126666166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081973162489186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060240311446268575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323134681400908,0.0704618088786307,0.0,0.1887494939137883,0.07159337468169565,0.12088504579799532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561787183435543,0.0,0.1291308174331586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842308998440811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023160316720168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880181827057992,0.0,0.059282012197327136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054976914849849866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357523452961875,0.1209103342758149,0.06179841628315483,0.19974063354050925,0.03667719055946525,0.0,0.059621349059951464,0.0,0.06988363274075618,0.04270461569959811,0.0,0.0,0.1309611465689566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225984453815772,0.19970670679957844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567569941351475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045791568006322746,0.0,0.06409994018535764,0.312773883918918,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aneurbunny,2019/02/13,i cant even post on suicide watch how unfortunate,0.3810000000000002,2.389129099999998,2.8800000000000026,83.32000000000005,108.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.874,41,2,8,1,2,14,10,10,0.556,0.444,0.0,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136182279317871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5997541016438775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6849926854236573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,disposableaccount65,2019/02/13,"Im thinking of hanging myself Im thinking of hanging myself from my window
but I feel guilty about it because its my moms birthday.",2.2867948717948714,4.98312742307693,3.674615384615386,84.15371794871797,82.46153846153845,3.466666666666667,31.743589743589745,3.1291,1.4290666666666665,107,6,17,0,3,35,18,26,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21148608096674174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541887329664652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7494906066205168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063217082361682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445990963242232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nexicorn,2019/02/13,"Hey. I'm Nexi. I'm fifteen, I'm a cripple (with chronic pain), and I haven't gone outside in what feels like years, besides hospital appointments. My body's fucked up and disgusting, in more ways than just the cripple thing, funnily enough. Also closeted trans, because the universe decided to lump gender dysphoria on top of everything else. I've been held back a year due to the combined incompetence of my parents and I, no schools want to take me in due to the disability funding for my secondary education ending this year, so best case scenario I end up in college trying to work on my A-levels while simultaneously failing my GCSEs.

Recently (few weeks ago) got abandoned by my best friend - and by extension, my only real friend group - for being too emotional and clingy. Don't really have any other support networks. Already felt isolated before that point, feeling's intensified now. Don't really know how to interact with people in real life, not that I have the opportunity to, anyway.

I'm feeling pretty bleak. The rule says not to be explicit about methods, so I'm not gonna go into detail.

I've been having periods of relative highs wherein I have a few days that aren't too painful and have the energy to try drawing and animating and writing, followed by periods of increasingly low lows and I can't do anything besides writhing in bed and staring at the ceiling. This feels like the worst it's been, and honestly I'm at the end of my rope.

I feel so worthless. Like I'm wasting the air I'm breathing. I used to really enjoy playing games and watching stuff and drawing and now it all just feels like a chore. I wanted to make animating and drawing and stuff my career when I grow up, get into the games industry somehow, but I can't seem to find the energy to even get some pen and paper, much less open up the shitty mobile animation app.

I've tried interacting with people, and I'm just an obnoxious and annoying edgy teenager. Staying inside for years wasn't hyperbole. The few people I try to open up to - and I'm distantly aware that I'm taking them for granted by not acknowledging them when I get into these lonely ruts - just tell me vague bullshit like ""things will get better, just wait"". I've been waiting for things to get better for fifteen years.

People don't ever want to be friends with me because they think I'm a cool person to hang around. People just want to give the small sad cripple girl some more stupid pity so they can give themselves a moral pat on the back. Then they realise how much of an awful, garbage being I am and wash their hands of me, and I can't blame them that much.

At this point, I just feel like a lump of meat, or a fucking ghost, instead of a real person, because fuck, real people atleast interact with the world around them in some way. My dad used to try to inspire me by showing me paralympics shit, like seeing people worse off than me being more successful would make me feel better. I'm so fucking useless. Everything I try to do, I fail at. I'm tired all the time even when I try to sleep, my body's all fucking wrong, and everything hurts. I used to try cutting myself, but my arms were too fucking weak to even do that properly.

Went to a mental health check-up thing that didn't go anywhere beyond being told to see more clinics and being recommended a youth club. Which I couldn't get into, due to stairs. So I went home and cried instead. Feels like a funny little microcosm of my entire life, packed inside one nutshell.

Feel like I should be posting this on an alt or something. Or in a different subreddit. Or not at all. I don't really care at this point. I'm probably not gonna die today - if I was, I wouldn't be posting this. But fuck, I really don't know how long I can hold on like this. Every passing day just feels worse and worse. If I wasn't a worthless cripple, I'd have ran away from home already, but as it is I'm just stuck here locked up inside the shitty little prison known as 'my body'. Right now, I know that if/when I drop dead nobody will care and nothing around me will change at all, and honestly that terrifies me more than I can put into words.

If anyone takes the time to read this and cares, just a simple little ""Hey"" back's gonna be enough for me. I just really wanna know I'm not already a ghost. Thanks.",4.953534901082495,5.878034706855793,5.722534527808888,80.47026315789478,68.95271867612293,8.584596242378996,29.61751897474182,8.791512727339544,2.2875456264775416,3406,125,651,56,57,1113,356,846,0.17600000000000002,0.701,0.122,-0.9966,3,2,2,0,0,1,104.0,0,0,8,11,47,60,12,0,40,2,50,27,8,8,7,135,135,57,4,12,29,2,13,10,3,9,12,1,5,3,30,44,0,5,23,6,1,12,23,29,0,1,18,19,67,31,101,97,26,107,1,12,4,7,30,54,8,12,45,406,97,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04148262762964408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492462603228618,0.03742346343005112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031823496230073696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03272148004389437,0.0,0.03850986073580635,0.12497748557751899,0.0,0.0,0.04396722731341623,0.10795178078957064,0.0,0.08558086630524557,0.0,0.0398207145147902,0.0,0.0982209172658368,0.12416416345432565,0.0,0.1559424164124609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431376729327324,0.0,0.04950491436846277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051404196422749564,0.060360257222155475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485677931531305,0.04889279951321951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909280448381503,0.052640212975769415,0.12434448806326225,0.09670741306817206,0.0,0.09272673182521332,0.042330474552677314,0.03942840595929911,0.0,0.12617410671712245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26028110190249004,0.20059028508592527,0.0449323620222916,0.0,0.04277151812527985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084655048479874,0.3028408550273514,0.14669669035177535,0.08978369989751295,0.05319151256754614,0.0,0.03742775531540984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974291559049622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049443493395036286,0.0938822110851414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009704853309448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287340795208548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610806779051462,0.2286260117518998,0.14070836113176924,0.0,0.04141378323154563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624745872783256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047160267704751964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320331642649276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449028869582224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03171079005107117,0.035591150635401386,0.09959040047628304,0.0,0.05196241858730779,0.0,0.0,0.22710154366874444,0.08172249478456181,0.0,0.0,0.13271458768260386,0.0,0.08963698726445746,0.0476092703352241,0.05045497236541513,0.0,0.0,0.047043809145453086,0.0,0.0,0.046809563164398924,0.21306046600661105,0.17987575180986973,0.0,0.04620629239812546,0.0,0.0,0.03996429627314744,0.0,0.03721477258064232,0.0,0.047360960417173616,0.07458213978866902,0.042602139516641116,0.0,0.0,0.048036344599700735,0.0,0.0,0.046830695419834416,0.0,0.0,0.036026539339106683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049879268084364714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071425071826654,0.0,0.053104566710600966,0.0,0.0,0.10555633289006028,0.0,0.04090255260906693,0.04308429747585102,0.0,0.0,0.12435912187866878,0.029985563469099693,0.0,0.0,0.05457529657706491,0.05378615159607216,0.04435798867958606,0.044716442678894686,0.0,0.2541761821409398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121252487219272,0.0,0.0,0.11040809459489384,0.07429040083062761,0.03753764984000325,0.0,0.0,0.08676238890205701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034068700008825566,0.0,0.1430701149471719,0.03324317456485665,0.051165063039237485,0.0,0.150678344130456
suicidewatch,N7_Tinkle_Juice,2019/02/13,"Why is the pain always so fresh You would think that after time after time after time this type of emotional disruption would be commonplace, an old albeit shitty friend comming to visit. Shouldn't the brain or my soul be hardened to this by now?

Why is this cut always bitting and why does the bite always cut so deep?

",5.961557377049183,6.93514249180328,5.639467213114753,81.79231557377051,66.70491803278689,8.067213114754097,25.08606557377049,8.07648339933343,1.4362754098360662,256,6,46,3,4,79,43,61,0.196,0.7040000000000001,0.1,-0.7974,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,2,0,4,0,7,2,1,0,0,6,8,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,1,10,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,8,29,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863098480470722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268961790500207,0.0,0.0,0.21748011091275096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048559826147794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191428117159501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505150679989281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442758427352653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729893693948487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483081503736143,0.0,0.0,0.3407979356286522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273759014443935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767846987192156,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BallinCollin98,2019/02/13,"What is the fucking point of being alive if you will never be successful. I Fear living with regret to the point that I would rather die than be faced with looking back on the past wishing I made different choices. There are so many paths I could go down at this point and It's incredibly overwhelming. Should I drop out of school to work and focus on music or should I go down the ""Safe Path""  and Pursue Engineering while minoring in music. Should I even Major in Engineering? I don't know, I'm scared to commit to anyone path. I am filled with so much self doubt. I feel like an absolute failure who will never be satisfied or happy with what he has accomplished in life.",3.7600416377515593,5.727899854961834,4.547675225537823,83.6694101318529,73.35114503816793,7.81707147814018,23.359472588480223,8.575989854853784,1.507345038167939,535,15,103,10,11,172,90,131,0.14,0.6970000000000001,0.162,0.2965,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,6,10,1,4,5,0,16,3,1,1,3,27,25,9,1,9,4,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,1,2,11,4,20,13,2,21,0,2,1,1,4,12,1,4,6,74,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472585570949953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716146311517347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242010199724894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851279206447905,0.1863667611959744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781680778223284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072453725286565,0.090193139508612,0.12743308534532932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649073362574648,0.0,0.0,0.2027523483830836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988640959910108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803173495945268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259934653538399,0.08714634825488779,0.0,0.15751080286972466,0.0,0.14979236690576914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687853203134793,0.0,0.1808470198650349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112815532880534,0.0,0.2751518027152047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028172633312325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058738324684933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858722512421654,0.18052778503085928,0.0,0.0,0.1860868742392053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051255853115424,0.0,0.0,0.12986111128869568,0.0,0.0,0.12671442088010584,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,L3travere,2019/02/13,"Half assed suicide attempt number 5 maybe? I dont even remember anymore I dont think hanging is going to work. I dont wanna try long drop, if i dont do it properly ill probably end up paralysed. Thinking of that makes me sick.

The only reason i havent jumped in front of a train yet is because i dont want to wait for it to arrive. I tried to fall asleep on the train tracks once, but it wasnt that comfortable, so i got bored and went home. 

I wish i had a gun. 

​",0.6629411764705893,2.5120623529411823,2.7330980392156867,93.63494117647059,82.33333333333333,5.648627450980393,21.964705882352945,6.742157984588678,0.4222047058823524,368,12,84,4,10,124,71,102,0.2,0.7509999999999999,0.049,-0.9096,0,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,0,11,4,2,2,0,12,20,4,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,6,7,1,0,1,4,0,11,1,11,16,0,13,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201794747320584,0.1592684977947379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998956792027758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990111305866852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7680850988676904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609210595658585,0.0,0.0,0.08657272826266173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449201982126798,0.0,0.10483135208011247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147728258597713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599581258158274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874924958742767,0.0,0.13168082303834214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395888670181631,0.0,0.0996872083766113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131926768404066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347652601407819,0.0,0.0,0.14848058308940695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337299860699831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797305287798164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779804360149876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731047279908815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150633215450132,0.0,0.0,0.150727913030195,0.0,0.0,0.09542297836029907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592684977947379,0.0
suicidewatch,SuckaOnDeezNutz,2019/02/13,"Important question about Psychiatric Facilities. If you're under the age of eighteen years old, will a therapist immedately admit you to a Psychiatric Facility without you going to the Emergency Room first. Do you have to go to the Emergency Room first in order for doctors to determine if you need to be admitted to a Psychiatric Facility? If so, is it always required by law for you to go to the Emergency Room first before being admitted to a Psychiatric Facility?

I've posted this topic on r/Depression, but I thought that it would be good to also post it on here too.",9.654056603773585,8.375374405660377,10.711962264150944,56.022660377358505,59.66037735849057,15.272452830188678,43.84150943396226,13.968273953766033,6.640111698113209,461,24,73,18,5,162,64,106,0.052000000000000005,0.8590000000000001,0.09,0.4606,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,4,5,1,0,0,8,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,16,6,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,6,1,21,10,0,19,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,4,6,59,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199678318153188,0.16855616080583535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723738816275919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447499689148666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734106150808385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169230083950068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453790672504865,0.1699078119711778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020459715236434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125652744212268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880160268454931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269270399591061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352017458431683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608195682535576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527221291511224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390136156998498,0.0,0.0,0.13044974893827127
suicidewatch,Clover848,2019/02/13,"I'm done trying I'm 26, but feel much older. I have Aspergers, I've been beaten down and kicked around. My parents put me in a disciplinary school when I was in middle school. They thought I was a bad kid. At 14 my uncle molested me, my family still doesn't believe me. I was arrested for throwing a flip-flop at someone. I was raped. I was kicked out of my parents home with no warning and had to spend a week in the cemetery. I've been on and off the streets since. I was engaged, but he cheated and left me pregnant. I had to let my parents adopt my son. I sleep with men just for a meal or a warm place to sleep. I'm so tired, goodbye.",0.8398868778280537,2.6422257941176497,2.6326470588235296,94.82095022624435,81.5,5.655203619909504,23.696832579185518,6.67199483983844,0.5611545248868772,492,18,114,5,13,163,83,136,0.258,0.688,0.054000000000000006,-0.9876,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,4,0,8,0,14,5,2,0,0,14,19,9,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,1,2,2,5,0,0,12,2,20,2,18,6,1,20,0,0,0,1,8,14,0,1,4,73,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021520171264935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089162716552475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011324284763356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268055567676396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907393003646075,0.0,0.08532048365700964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692609097976701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333751278048488,0.1725490321609911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404399818721125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.562100496593465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629835583351294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963123991798665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415496570199969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395842399554758,0.0,0.33772558279566495,0.0,0.1429736413170362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475672364506502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396144885677996,0.0,0.19394287476698424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456401415348327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535379472098735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tendlos,2019/02/13,"To people thinking about suicide I know many people who are considering suicide or are dealing with depression have not tried all the things that could help them, and are giving up before even trying anything. I have been suicidal before as well, and I did not even try the basics to try and deal with it because you're in that mindset. But it's illogical. If there was a chance that I could be happy, why would I do it just because  I feel like shit now? It's reversible, just like other illnesses.  And you may ask how do I know there is a chance. Well, because I had not tried the things that could possibly help, even extreme things if necessary. Here is a hierarchy of things to try, with number 1 being the 'nuclear option', to battle your depression.

1. Nuclear Options (Tsar Bomba): Ayahuasca, magic mushrooms. Magic mushrooms have been shown in studies to be effective for depression. Look into nootropics for other thinking issues (eg. r/Nootropics).
2. 500kg plane bomb: See a psychiatrist, get medication, antidepressants/anti-anxiety medications 
3. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Make a twitch stream, volunteer, try to do something or learn something you never tried before like drawing, programming, etc (can just be for 30 minutes to try it). Try walking downtown in your city for the whole day, go into some stores and look around.
4. Howitzer:  25 minutes per day cardio, weight lifting(start small), walk on a park/forest trail
5. ​
6. Read part of a book every day, and try to read a self-help book as well. Look for a recipe online to try and make your own food.
7. Bullets: Over the counter additional 'boosting' supplements for mood:  L-theanine, ashwagandha, 5-HTP, Primrose oil, Rhodiola, gingko biloba
8. Pocket Knife: Vitamin supplements: Vitamin D, magnesium, Omega 3, multi-vitamin",4.533262531860661,7.497780105919006,4.929493061455677,77.0459303313509,75.04361370716511,7.629226847918438,29.97649391107335,8.575989854853784,2.8737052959501552,1438,65,227,30,33,455,192,321,0.109,0.773,0.118,-0.6808,0,0,2,0,0,2,79.0,0,6,1,1,17,14,2,0,15,0,26,10,1,4,2,46,41,15,3,6,11,0,2,3,0,2,7,0,0,0,16,15,2,0,7,4,1,4,4,5,3,0,5,7,15,8,34,27,6,20,0,3,4,0,14,11,1,8,8,142,31,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040861098781785,0.09017563561258612,0.0,0.0,0.05677193450548936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061070107152857926,0.06606436455565841,0.06937815034138149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571673788568736,0.0,0.18944669670491465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777565972889381,0.0,0.0,0.14358169463218845,0.15301851253052076,0.1917559174661034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276593529031369,0.14704886853134774,0.0,0.06252676407530923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03752378901813324,0.05301702806310807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973737800774856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877267807767258,0.0711908595429298,0.04217635834115427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899999501100803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492281064697006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745798931232267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156988790369846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876862265022724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695802816894488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099074098594972,0.07523926381701969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952145341949302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057236826710409125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036430411972269,0.0,0.10289843648526847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366281700684115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484640548476632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913731160741985,0.0,0.07741924325994992,0.0,0.0761774946957337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426396126850745,0.0,0.0,0.052527596367166515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352746697713226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972124737263503,0.09510403512802508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046204679449291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037015573003426,0.20017635212261364,0.0,0.06696473708786048,0.08285498590429287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271803621167906,0.0,0.09017563561258612,0.0
suicidewatch,Curtdh3,2019/02/13,"I can't seem to end my life. I'm stuck. I left my baby niece and nephew a loving note, with the intent to plunge a knife into my right arm, splitting the vein like a banana peel to bleed out. I can't seem to get the right pressure, and google certainly isn't going to help with ""How do I kill myself most effectively without means of using a firearm.""

It's either I can't find the right pressure or I just bitched out of suicide at 5:20 p.m. cst.",3.8904609929078013,4.141156840425538,4.705106382978721,89.23333333333332,71.02127659574468,7.117730496453903,25.241134751773053,6.42735559955562,0.6845730496453899,349,9,78,2,6,113,63,94,0.214,0.667,0.119,-0.8578,0,0,0,1,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,2,8,0,5,5,2,4,1,21,14,4,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,10,3,14,13,2,10,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,4,2,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533949234476056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157628458342686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115226888896729,0.0,0.12534214291076734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782824140585832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24400296867265914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396253437453732,0.0,0.15577911739266864,0.10774829612801666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990525963260112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402407224855251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5650387018157527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015560529750599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412430072920761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048210071765975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259977750727435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kidneyproblems478,2019/02/13,"I'm letting myself die slowly. I have kidney disease and I'm not going to get it treated, I stocked up my home of stuff I need and I'm hoping it'll be quick. My life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to and I honestly don't see a point to continue.

I tried dating but I realised that I would never find someone and I've made peace with that. I'm really short (5'5) and I lost out on a lot of women because of this, it might sound stupid but that was the common denominator from most of them.

I found out almost a month ago that I have kidney disease, while most people would be scared I wasn't, I see this as a way out a natural way instead of most methods.

It hasn't been so bad, I have developed a wet cough which may or may not be related to the kidney problems I have no idea. I'm really tired most days and I have passed out twice in the past few days.

I fell asleep the other day and had a dream of being someone else, if only momentarily, I was taller and had a wife and 3 kids but I woke up and realised it was just a dream.

I'm just venting because I was a lurker for a long time but found everyone's advice to be helpful.",1.6453658536585394,2.9229467479674827,3.789113821138212,89.80415853658539,77.45528455284554,6.546016260162602,22.05609756097561,7.1686216300943375,0.548389268292683,884,24,202,10,20,304,129,246,0.13,0.787,0.083,-0.934,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,1,1,16,0,28,7,4,1,1,47,47,19,1,7,10,1,1,0,0,6,3,1,1,2,15,16,0,0,4,2,0,3,8,5,0,1,13,4,24,3,24,22,6,32,0,1,2,0,5,12,0,12,14,139,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316750357318088,0.1208006090298248,0.0,0.1364609068375857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378491605648372,0.1661453860199514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26366058216220417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143315714022087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138412598278611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021772770723772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455395749742015,0.0,0.0,0.29883958966018,0.0,0.0,0.07119867821684778,0.0,0.07744889222959145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134304928297844,0.0,0.13669611743744978,0.1353529932457522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538392169443964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935162461428416,0.09625589442135864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206001288362162,0.0,0.0,0.14876154597709956,0.11585713293388515,0.0,0.1289478142881663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456748891352456,0.0,0.0,0.10877434482908203,0.0,0.0,0.10104705895918432,0.10510458934366494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364417392297223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009103151323284,0.09447674279366096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288250362082008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039789748658487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460401787407467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643622737324834,0.0,0.21718893966062028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093272613618465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156003619589893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946373507667455,0.1566294191434697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925225792036111,0.14822934856564562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037922035678023,0.32450905999249324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936133732593988,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gavin_Alph4Church117,2019/02/13,I need help. Going through some painful times and have been the past year. Everyday I've been cutting and hurting myself and i really want to end it.  Im confused and hurt and lost. The people i care about either ignore me or say I'm over reacting. I just want someone to talk to and help me get through this.,1.2371428571428569,3.5911457301587326,2.5295238095238126,92.95714285714287,83.76190476190476,5.504761904761906,23.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.7569428571428571,243,9,51,3,7,78,44,63,0.24,0.6,0.161,-0.7017,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,16,11,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,3,1,7,1,7,8,2,7,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522998496879344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434558882216367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053940643088648,0.0,0.13112102263543918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30928767830838816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939717573426855,0.0,0.24921249660828515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251853389710505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107273356157152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454977218130569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202441971299996,0.15994918421360013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780235533929173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347434778142965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548462437140576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544050279824115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453215282663766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721641399486271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857331643886704
suicidewatch,HugmeorDie,2019/02/13,"I am at the end of the road In the last year, I've been institutionalized twice. I've overdosed two times. In the last four years, I've overdosed seven times. I've planned to hang myself, and I still have the detailed plan in my mind from when I was that suicidal.

I don't know what to do. Right now, I don't want to die, but I don't have any motivation to change for the better because I think that I'll just kill myself pretty soon. I'm going to get in that state of mind again, and I'm not sure what to do.",2.3107432432432446,3.0435451531531537,3.747376126126128,92.90863175675678,74.94594594594594,6.631081081081081,21.082207207207208,6.6274283507984215,0.015620720720720628,396,8,98,3,8,131,64,111,0.138,0.77,0.092,-0.6352,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,4,6,3,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,1,1,12,17,4,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,2,0,10,2,15,15,0,22,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,12,60,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281523894036988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802125596911715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185738388006984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216465856360715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179591121548725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600813735534724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972250782296554,0.0,0.11935455680314165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234696254801565,0.0,0.11541700376876858,0.3423753257568623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241041403124538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21365752114553094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934894645358293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771571041613925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297188443451237,0.0,0.197933654585503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456709409427395,0.0,0.0,0.2449191617585202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205151031838606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238704124188888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704814526292609
suicidewatch,soccpuppetacc,2019/02/13,"Paracetamol Overdose Just wondering how much it hurts, probably should’ve asked before but kowabunga or whatever",9.417647058823526,13.922204,7.160294117647062,58.866323529411794,67.82352941176471,12.811764705882355,43.79411764705883,11.20814326018867,7.7532588235294115,96,6,10,4,2,28,17,17,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942454282594681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588473398193288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514532905285685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100081286120914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546787478477359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457330571820944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luisvzoa,2019/02/13,"I have problems to stop thinking about sex I´m a 22 years old guy who constantly masturbates every day like 4 or 5 times. I don´t really have human connections besides my close family, so I spend my time alone at the computer writing and reading; I post my content on social media and a little group of people has find it good enough to share. I have fantasies with my female readers looking at their photos and I save them on my cellphone to look at those and masturbate (it´s disgusting I know, but I have to be completely honest with this). I speak with her too, but I never have send to any some sex message: is only a fantasy that I have on the mind. What I really do is speak with them on messages to talk because I feel alone and I have the need to been heard of somebody else. I only text to the female readers, so maybe there is something about female approval here.

My way of masturbating is not the usual, I lend down on the flool and move around just like I were having sex with somebody. I think that this happens because, when I was like 7 or 8 years, a family friend who tend to show up with his family on weekends used to take me to a up side of the house and, sometimes, lend me down on a sofa, put above me, and start moving his penis around mine (I think that he was 15 years old at the time). I have masturbated on the usual way, but I started to do it short time ago (like 6 months). I prefer it on my way because is faster and I spend several hours looking for porn. I like to see omegle girls getting naked and really hard sex in which one side (I don´t really mind if there is the girl of the man, but I tend to prefere the man) is verbally abusing the other. Something that really breaks up the mind of the person that it´s receiving the insult. I find it estimulating.

I wrote this because I wanted to receive some comments about it, but If I go to therapy I would make it to make me feel better, but if I feel better I cannot write because I would be happy. I have already go to therapy like five times but I never be able to complete it. I´m really into suicidal thoughts right now, yesterday I was reading a lot about the topic and I thought ´This isn´t really that bad. Life is not for everybody, maybe I should just let me go´.

I write a lot to avoid this kind of thoughts in my mind but I feel really empty every time that I see somebody proud about his achievements I feel really empty. I have really nothing to feel proud: my writing \[im a Spanish speaker\] is not really that good, I´m in a career that I don´t like, I have not made human connections besides my close family. I don´t really know what I want and I know that I´m supposed to know it because my life is only my responsability, but I don´t really want that anymore. Everything just feels so meaningless.",5.8425325403949735,5.680991037701975,6.62105868491921,78.59530436490128,66.80969479353679,9.835031418312392,30.332641382405747,9.516144504307137,2.5594363105924587,2196,72,433,40,32,728,230,557,0.078,0.8059999999999999,0.116,0.9706,0,3,2,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,3,6,19,24,2,1,27,0,38,7,0,4,2,95,79,30,1,13,21,0,8,7,1,3,2,4,1,8,30,23,0,2,21,6,2,8,7,5,0,2,11,17,76,19,66,61,5,72,0,0,5,5,39,31,0,9,35,288,106,5,0.058003033636947136,0.06872411013353248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141618961636619,0.0,0.0,0.1201473000963808,0.06400778995517223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03944405188189914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752342348777515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326999458826264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843011029851728,0.2121486656423333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025979393706963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163015442888687,0.0626806734063313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037407158224581474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845409181695585,0.0,0.0,0.05993263893519716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977401149789112,0.0,0.05212938657568875,0.0,0.21872039190046416,0.0,0.2052965362209996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602744386123164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04481299990515938,0.0,0.03030419108837663,0.0,0.09889338208893528,0.0973003853587597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743212252453549,0.05129189108719208,0.061745307868558114,0.051959325181824126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712130431101441,0.06692771318066991,0.0,0.0,0.0626532296984478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040123378558475,0.12750780150595786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931203171953998,0.08193851602254093,0.1983614667203056,0.058134277647905186,0.0,0.0,0.14612381945317246,0.0,0.0,0.09862420998004172,0.0,0.05488387288196064,0.07743495070719966,0.0,0.11654368685183886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342661166683664,0.0,0.04629746806779153,0.12329609069425095,0.0,0.04300851448802575,0.08947103062882654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565547512511874,0.0,0.1217288532830048,0.0,0.039304356722704624,0.13234176239308912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021200026082828,0.05064601169047954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055550872704790234,0.0,0.0,0.05550106970975965,0.0,0.05830906935052106,0.0,0.0,0.11603746016320785,0.0,0.4830569718050529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953427380276141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924418162611325,0.0,0.0,0.06552691810262241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912678829860176,0.0,0.0893071381311087,0.05736648340067047,0.0,0.08210969149641384,0.0,0.0,0.04849313332440787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344590452551256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361106272838239,0.04662064132151388,0.0,0.0,0.13266304795670988,0.0,0.0,0.1114980056841236,0.0,0.13814378911802108,0.2029322121704661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009599785547302,0.12776429388845786,0.0,0.10263507613755993,0.13812032484607234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240738181470382,0.0,0.0,0.11205615587410768
suicidewatch,kathrynpumpkin,2019/02/13,"Antidepressants Hey guys, I just want to know if anyone has ever had good experiences with antidepressants?  I've been going through a very, very, very difficult time for a little more than a year. I've mostly tried to ignore my feelings, but I also have gone to therapy and I talk to my friends (as much as I let myself anyway) but things are becoming too much and I've started some destructive behaviors (don't worry I'm okay) that have started to trouble me. I just wanted to see if y'all have had positive change come from medication? I'm scared it won't work and if it doesn't I'm not sure I can keep doing this. I've been on a low dose of zoloft but felt nothing different and stopped after a month and a half, and have been getting worse since.

​

TLDR: Have antidepressants improved your mental health? Would you say it's improved it enough?",3.4279241516966046,5.6243988982035935,4.296910179640719,84.08556487025949,74.98802395209582,7.3275848303393225,25.50459081836328,8.238735603445708,1.6757747704590815,684,24,131,12,15,220,109,167,0.132,0.7090000000000001,0.16,0.6083,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,1,6,10,1,1,6,1,19,4,0,0,2,30,35,15,0,6,9,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,7,8,0,3,3,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,7,4,13,4,16,25,6,14,0,1,1,0,8,3,0,5,8,87,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649190717427155,0.0,0.1578329245679424,0.1770044789812855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185555441715877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088060184346212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409909614753553,0.12548144112472448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521937025692455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051561178000308,0.0,0.0,0.1317664710924008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249279697650433,0.0,0.0,0.07365491442825302,0.0,0.13986563685119638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112543952948834,0.0,0.07610634108898548,0.0,0.0827873769094014,0.12218072897256445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442357822246313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483994730676362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947781212374154,0.0,0.0,0.08005618929588566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895701071722114,0.0,0.0,0.14599918376736545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674677244719064,0.14680067060186194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627206567065335,0.0,0.2141677984045698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977388675345562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584229346059458,0.14584065768380694,0.0,0.11607979204489555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049937844683853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621135108055444,0.0,0.0,0.12178628805824157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729185130528654,0.0,0.0,0.11708368719874172,0.0,0.0,0.16658585520816588,0.0,0.09677639343323613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849411011189124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890007999666002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605779674727279,0.17183938000389126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604918613142884,0.14793452524006914,0.1484497426860735,0.10347948721597243,0.0,0.1770044789812855,0.09380643087952724
suicidewatch,Eriksson23,2019/02/13,"Why are my thoughts so bad? I had a good life, good friends, Good parents. I was on a good way to a good education. But somewhere my brain just shut down. I got depressed, hopped of school, stopped hanging out with friends and slowly getting anxiety over just talking to people. Just being home. Parents started to argue over what I should do with my life and almost got divorced because of me. I’m gaining weight fast and my cat recently died from drowning in our back pond. Everything is falling apart for me. And I don’t have any energy to fix it. I just want to end it. Crying myself to sleep every night because of all of this. I’m just thinking of ending it tomorrow morning whilst parents are at work. Where do I go if I don’t? There’s much more to it. And I know people have it way worse. But I’m weak man, so weak. ",1.3968942436412313,3.731083361445784,2.650040160642572,92.48890227576977,82.855421686747,5.13467202141901,24.88487282463186,6.42735559955562,0.7778591700133868,642,26,133,6,18,206,102,166,0.168,0.682,0.15,-0.5262,3,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,10,12,1,0,3,0,13,7,2,0,1,24,25,10,2,3,8,3,1,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,7,8,1,1,3,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,5,1,17,7,23,18,3,25,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,2,10,84,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221098375413074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292646585722932,0.0,0.0932872359491673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376782068143306,0.10181859359065616,0.14867251409431578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613043119726287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395034627091254,0.0,0.0,0.10503064981623847,0.0,0.126559175382746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160133269532319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274353065892608,0.0,0.1095958855588805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842809140004085,0.0,0.06371098677046517,0.0,0.06930388978849142,0.5114064541662366,0.1950603699126544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232031194605085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701752763492387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226606363058364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964326477644814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443668590144394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40621492682824495,0.0,0.0,0.16908197345773895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040551739633397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341438032471153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220326024748102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631296993539443,0.0,0.0,0.10195109206774933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801439853000501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813713450127477,0.0,0.09681033992133144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192604656471469,0.19358779260020534,0.0,0.14849559229896514,0.0,0.0,0.11003597611043474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877707426163335,0.0,0.12427189977892897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_PLASTIC_FORKS,2019/02/13,"Filing appreciation notes at work fucking blows when you're already suicidal Most of my shift today has consisted of catching up on filing appreciation notes that workers can give each other for being helpful. I haven't gotten one of these since I got promoted to an office assistant. I started the day already wanting to kill myself and this feels like an extra little kick in the face. I just want to grab a paring knife from the kitchen, lock myself in the cash room, and slit my arms from wrist to elbow.",10.772368421052628,8.329614842105265,10.068289473684214,65.17927631578951,58.47368421052632,12.026315789473689,39.53947368421053,10.125756701596842,4.025368421052631,410,15,68,6,4,132,74,95,0.087,0.76,0.152,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,2,0,7,0,4,6,4,0,0,8,12,3,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,8,1,15,9,3,12,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,5,46,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345799198816933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562084526016563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247103713232466,0.1730382400728419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239236000899192,0.0,0.2323544245052366,0.0,0.0,0.19372123351481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623514171219519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679746939369297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833387451882378,0.24276277550874895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641309587672077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003625143921688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144082123599605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649435840686245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295912274415085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285729027758934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633519654966878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,high_on_lyfe96,2019/02/13,"I don't even know I don't even know why I'm writing this but whatever. I guess I hope it'll help. I just hate the fact one minute I'll be fine, quite happy and the next I feel like shit. Like I honestly just wanna die so that I don't feel the way I do.

I don't actually want to kill myself but it does seem like an option at this point. I don't know anyone who feels this way and I guess that makes me feel kind of alone. 

I'm not even sure if this makes sense but if anyone understands what I mean, any chance you could just give me some advice? Because the way I feel right now, just makes me feel broken as a human being.",1.3618577075098806,2.462875739130439,2.898379446640316,96.6274505928854,77.84057971014492,6.177602108036891,16.893280632411066,6.574015621080383,-0.5434869565217393,484,6,122,4,11,159,78,138,0.203,0.602,0.195,-0.5229,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,1,9,12,3,0,6,0,10,1,1,3,2,38,33,9,2,6,10,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,12,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,6,19,9,5,29,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,8,5,68,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.1274659672164809,0.0,0.0,0.12764004121473393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528259739876414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882586269078659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266463699683472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962454559182484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428918721139817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556260740884987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430616367979538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588192035634394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39627141447683056,0.09331472670032101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530230087401065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877846111552982,0.0,0.0,0.13904708002500524,0.0,0.1289598933953279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875516192939048,0.0,0.0,0.12973481647443594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445113248770924,0.13602029818479516,0.2153554831755845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144253586026605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615689554250115,0.0,0.0,0.14228312583519506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891551332818125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851127677891495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347781921186292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389301097746257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154849447176182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891125248088852,0.0,0.0,0.13407922620230733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231075041749458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597969519260364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704287250162005,0.3110394704458379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786394613584115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raise_the_sails,2019/02/13,"Can’t afford another inpatient stay I have had recurrent major depressive disorder since I was a teenager. I have been inpatient for this twice and outpatient once. I have been on: Paxil, Prozac, Celexa, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Pristiq, Remeron, Zoloft, Lexapro, and let’s throw in the antipsychotic Seroquel for good measure. And Xanax.

Most of these have had severe sexual side effects for me, or stopped working. Some of the side effects have been permanent- I now have anorgasmia for what seems like it will be forever, as I have been off-med for two years now. My last anti-depressant, Pristiq, made me violently ill when I missed three consecutive days of my very high dosage due to an insurance screw-up. At that point I became scared of and disgusted by antidepressants and walked away. Again, with the exception of Xanax, I’ve been off-med for two years.

Recently I had a relationship dissolve and it’s triggered a serious collapse for me. I had already been in a valley, but since this event, I have been unable to get out of bed or work. I have been binge-eating. I am getting intense urges to end it which I am staving off with heavy doses of Xanax to either put me to sleep or take the urgency away.

I have an appointment with my doctor on Friday but I am terrified of the costs of inpatient treatment and my medicated future. I am already paying for my last inpatient and outpatient stints and an teetering on bankruptcy.

I am terrified of more awful side-effects from medications. The choice always comes down to “would you rather need viagra or be dead?” The problem is, at this point I’d rather be dead. I have tried eating better, I have tried physical fitness (boxing, cycling, lifting), I have always stayed employed and have an active social life. None of this helps. I always with up back here and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t afford more treatment. The thought of the bills brings me to tears. I don’t know what to do.",4.523792550347533,6.776665519337019,5.034359294243451,79.76750222776691,71.98342541436465,8.648868294421673,29.356977365888433,9.285337120503966,2.810696560327928,1546,64,275,36,31,493,189,362,0.14400000000000002,0.804,0.052000000000000005,-0.9853,4,0,0,0,0,2,56.0,0,1,0,5,8,10,2,1,17,1,45,14,1,4,0,41,57,19,2,5,10,0,0,1,0,2,12,0,1,0,13,17,1,1,6,0,3,5,5,7,0,4,15,0,36,3,50,36,7,42,0,2,0,0,4,19,0,7,17,196,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25547300169634424,0.0,0.2889477292703057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137729084952653,0.0,0.0,0.11479604026762999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750782607698094,0.08900704227302755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237427177710776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971110597573403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746512182599713,0.0,0.1993960704262924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266316054824082,0.11847827379083163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118444390134785,0.0,0.0,0.10252295075186016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209525069799975,0.0,0.0,0.09708826664388183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758690949517777,0.12229957879018118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722982942092834,0.1887085649063073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836545825681358,0.0817598867945721,0.05655115166385755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952844770687213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23321828069434966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582950842742533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232733476655415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884831967967247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076015033514364,0.0,0.11636390651458668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429229024327008,0.1242755845508036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588911590062638,0.0,0.0,0.10537733806181268,0.0,0.13076813362335704,0.0,0.1915044358213921,0.0,0.11583676498214415,0.11799577909100635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675495432095584,0.0,0.0967748327252347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703197774982005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189508677096003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571776076073846,0.0,0.226148053874677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550848743029446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853937191366408,0.0,0.0,0.08222773044063646,0.0,0.0,0.1490824919891825
suicidewatch,Orangectoplasm,2019/02/13,"Yall should check out r/2meirl4meirl Its a sub-reddit full of depressive memes. Now you may think that thats a little insensitive for the serious problems that people face in this sub but, sometimes, a little dark relatable humor is what y’all could use.",7.4316666666666675,8.728920282608698,6.5508695652173925,75.40644927536233,63.56521739130434,9.611594202898553,30.55072463768116,9.725611199111238,2.9280811594202905,207,7,34,4,3,63,40,46,0.141,0.807,0.052000000000000005,-0.2141,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,8,6,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672055202903191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882494403962481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6708514028241547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201696036137115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202325029179675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309956485355513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444202557601053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890460825948778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Canadian_Toast,2019/02/13,"I didnt think I would come this far: Now what? So I am 25 years old now, and in college for art.  My professors are always asking me what I want to go into, or what I want to be when I get out.  A 4 year degree has taken me 8 years, and truthfully, I never thought I would live past the age of 25 because I always assumed I would have killed myself by now.  Ive had depression and anxiety since I was old enough to remember things, and in the last year, a recent mix of meds and therapy have really helped me out.   


So now, I am stuck and I dont know what to do.  I feel that I am a so-so artist, and I struggle still to finish things.  I dont know why I make what I do.  I could do comics, or cartoons, animation, asset design, but I dont really feel drawn one way or the other.   Im about to have a degree but theres no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me exactly.  I dont so much care what I do.   I guess I feel mediocre and worry about the next 25 years because now I have NO idea. ",2.4570450097847356,2.3637018310502285,4.681490541422047,89.36023972602742,74.06849315068494,8.083626875407697,23.40541422048271,7.957251820313856,0.8535907371167646,747,17,186,10,14,263,112,219,0.123,0.846,0.031,-0.9586,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,13,5,1,1,10,0,26,0,0,1,3,38,44,17,1,6,5,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,10,3,0,2,8,3,0,1,6,3,33,2,21,33,2,32,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,5,22,130,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320940825055104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421947264596995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292041808684538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422115690936146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224532356228063,0.0,0.0,0.09483382739131747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789887123756482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482139597326232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161043025729315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975081333228475,0.11375364690827468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699626762658148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751811223656305,0.0,0.06256737045442785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127787720128827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379181597566564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427957327582705,0.1189173961868498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179961007839896,0.0,0.1210064973631666,0.08973902804740322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721255346551302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348673608908449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222865135967838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092970500111496,0.0,0.08490912637499301,0.0,0.11708324846930528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104440653575156,0.0,0.07460065159863473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509451493971386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105449354619387,0.0,0.10870178621553342,0.0,0.1247118774565972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106858475613176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791898077206818,0.0,0.0,0.11509123377266607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589889068092178,0.0,0.14627941324453606,0.07054200068003329,0.0,0.08740012169826115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298692934688418,0.08738527644001992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934019146151024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180296549103744,0.0,0.2346169060832051,0.0,0.0,0.3544756417557511
suicidewatch,19cent,2019/02/13,"I don't feel fit for the life I've been given I lost my job on Friday because I couldn't put down the blunt at a responsible time of night or take care of my girl well enough that we don't fight so much. It's so easy to do either of those things but I rather be selfish basically. I'm just waiting a couple more days till my last paycheck to go about my business at my own hands.. That job was perfect for me but apparently not perfect enough for me. I lost my moms this time last year but that hasn't even been at the forefront of my ""pain"". I'm just so selfish I'm letting down people supporting me and it's happening no matter what I'm shown that could will me to change my pitiful ways. I never been emotionally driven in anything. I just feel like a viewer to my life. It was mostly the thing was easy to do and thus please others and myself to a degree with the outcome like being a fucking analog electronics / radio with for my professor (who got me that fucking job) or being there for this super amazing girl who's been through even more than myself. I just wall off everyone who tries to love me and that's just so unfair. I can't keep doing this to people just for there to be another wasted spot taken up doing no fucking good. Tbh I'm just doing this so people can have closure in knowing it wasn't their fault. I'm sorry.",4.689874708005945,4.820202306859208,5.589254618815037,84.01199405393929,69.25270758122744,7.961690380123168,27.12444255680612,7.5105763829236425,1.3555136547037576,1057,30,220,10,17,348,141,277,0.113,0.6859999999999999,0.201,0.9833,4,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,1,6,19,22,4,0,10,0,27,8,1,1,3,35,53,15,0,3,15,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,22,7,0,2,3,1,0,3,10,11,1,0,14,4,29,11,35,31,8,25,0,3,1,4,10,12,3,3,11,162,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692842086251213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961143546631697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737891783059614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341556852978937,0.0,0.1280517635914121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664624612081613,0.13393629503722046,0.0,0.07806535458883862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616167593391434,0.0,0.25014798942125993,0.0,0.15990091345827726,0.0,0.0,0.11566567520849055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241008449111765,0.08647606031385628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33571823324578826,0.0,0.0,0.06879384682572219,0.10152855021837473,0.09681241017274184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070415357727576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603616561531798,0.107592209188099,0.0,0.0,0.06652431118694807,0.19733905724162806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377884360452875,0.1709982690847524,0.11827498090311618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642743805080814,0.0,0.10924971844196543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417688806826792,0.0,0.0,0.08898353389412067,0.0,0.0933589727604379,0.0,0.0,0.11359448748365245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880263081403498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517564184032443,0.0,0.0,0.13287334742683152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168575188912355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550229919847034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373627953668836,0.0,0.0,0.09101234195464862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083660661160118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116705511704786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218302364849135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608154024335676,0.0,0.0,0.10883586482791656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795035279661157
suicidewatch,worm_foond_mp4,2019/02/13,"i don't know why I do this anymore. every fucking day is just pain and hurt. I wake up and the first thing i do, ever, is think about how I'm a waste of space and how I shouldn't be alive. I could've been doing schoolwork for the two hours I've been home, but I don't see the point. I'll just become a worthless piece of shit anyway. I don't know why I keep trying. everything just hurts so much. i don't even want to listen to the support anymore because I know i won't follow through with it. life is just a living hell I'm too cowardly to end. i don't want to live anymore but i'm too much of a coward to kill myself. ",0.694184652278178,2.0340220575539547,2.6800179856115096,96.47935551558756,80.22302158273381,5.2088729016786575,19.49700239808153,5.46131890053228,-0.4094177458033572,482,11,118,2,12,162,77,139,0.307,0.6679999999999999,0.025,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,13,9,4,0,8,0,16,5,2,2,1,21,31,8,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,8,0,2,2,2,14,1,13,26,3,9,1,3,1,1,1,3,3,0,5,76,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404870628639408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025187475648777,0.16351316045463335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182084568608877,0.0,0.0,0.09548208513664212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113121714984646,0.0,0.0,0.09778776201468097,0.13392262263685778,0.12474123166016048,0.0,0.13306069649177504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593400170574304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687282532918682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850946109549348,0.0,0.14580260838302006,0.0,0.3169880893997028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159651335531464,0.16379896295496774,0.0,0.24409854965227334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457437472078783,0.0,0.0,0.2614674288958069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176723183744424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575390751247228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995815727276786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797925570073205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519745128931681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680090507614647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835998725978493,0.0948665315818388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051842462153944,0.0,0.14462649262032382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465126182422244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267190023525849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,K0ngoOtto,2019/02/13,"Whenever I see someone posting about offing themselves here I think ""no don't do that, that's so dumb"" When it comes to me tho I seem to completely forget everything I notice about other people's story.
Like someone can talk about how it wouldn't affect their family and i'll think ""of course it will you dumbass"" but actually couldn't imagine anyone being sad about it for more than a month.
What the fuck is wrong with me?",4.7806425702811275,6.146493108433738,5.443554216867472,80.67368473895584,69.72289156626506,8.424899598393575,25.88152610441768,8.841846274778883,1.917330923694779,340,10,63,6,6,110,64,83,0.244,0.736,0.02,-0.9608,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,9,5,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,13,14,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,8,1,11,10,1,4,0,1,1,1,3,0,2,1,3,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.2351450576765508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848688140081552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756822551076565,0.2526450447108256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165619416336924,0.0,0.22715840266062454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227663434183976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772231474710293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233430961109169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743378897664577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705335369361116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307758760009256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201625544345272,0.21936359903441044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40833421261053815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936768734106593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30879862825138504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26345513395460896,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,midnightea,2019/02/13,"I'm a useless person I'm bad at everything, I grew slower than all my peers. I have no skills to speak of despite effort. I'm socially awkward and honestly sort of stupid. I've had multiple people say I'm the most ""Hufflepuff"" person they've ever met and yeah, they don't mean that as a compliment. I've been selfish, I've been accidentally mean to people. I don't know. I'm a walking disaster and I feel like I need to put myself out and free up everyone who knows me from the burden of my existence. I'm just using up resources and existing and maybe some people just shouldn't.",2.264973262032086,4.291894168067231,4.395477463712759,82.81757066462951,77.9075630252101,7.688617265087854,25.10389610389611,8.575989854853784,1.9121193277310928,462,17,91,10,11,159,74,119,0.21,0.677,0.114,-0.8979,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,3,10,1,1,5,1,7,0,0,1,2,22,21,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,7,0,0,5,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,4,3,10,5,13,16,3,8,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,2,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579941772008215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904534051239138,0.0,0.20118836047126604,0.18922764680120335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645977797443104,0.15041607428650486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314241813754601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286348758945173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115245263867604,0.4586986423712946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611923568615382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379039932578783,0.3676861072646933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165965504595027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743682261523593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462794303962154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184652479241348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herrkatze5,2019/02/13,"31 no job, college degree, living at home, ugly, never had a gf. Give me a reason to live. I do have a bachelor's degree but I dropped out of graduate school",-1.0027272727272702,1.0975511515151517,2.717333333333336,87.33600000000001,98.0909090909091,5.064242424242424,18.72121212121212,6.742157984588678,0.5951866666666663,120,4,24,2,5,44,29,33,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.4118,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,16,3,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32511300883733474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33995400230813594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363155234656789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5985268431429571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613880077807026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34845555563560343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429946495907271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustAnotherLeech,2019/02/13,"Coming to the realization that I will never amount to anything. Lately I’ve been contemplating life, why is it worth being here if I’ll never be enough/good at anything. I was barely starting to get out of this shithole when some more bullshit hit me head on. I don’t know what to do anymore, there’s only one other person I can talk to about this without being judged but even he has shit going on himself. Lately everything has been pissing me off, the only “ peace “ I get is when I’m high.",4.265816326530612,5.425227418367349,5.282244897959185,82.12704081632656,70.73469387755101,6.824489795918367,26.244897959183675,6.868970318607317,1.21049387755102,389,12,73,3,7,128,72,98,0.111,0.8270000000000001,0.063,-0.7,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,2,0,14,4,3,0,2,9,22,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,3,0,8,0,13,14,3,15,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,2,7,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916284459396732,0.0,0.0,0.3180173590994988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644724187794016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965429322293596,0.0,0.12762406740136245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365922839085984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190540449869568,0.0,0.10981488916104117,0.16206894952621334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983058031259754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415406461757116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619205345524918,0.0,0.4359350874873453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648136303413386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29805587909187325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093505811647485,0.2939144290869584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687176444801075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834389372624187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676648245203696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530788161541234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743565701315218,0.0,0.0,0.18626313912028852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastrecluse,2019/02/13,"Winter makes everything worse. I'm depressed year round, but bloody hell do I hate this season. I'm really struggling and I don't know how to cope. It's just misery. All misery. It's getting worse.",0.31648351648351536,2.558827974358973,1.7110622710622714,92.71846153846157,102.58974358974359,4.2798534798534815,15.827838827838828,6.18269132825596,-0.13627765567765548,157,4,30,2,7,50,30,39,0.622,0.378,0.0,-0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,8,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,8,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777370788535409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898091286947782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847371112589113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183656470319143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772173397943928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524668780048972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657818098212968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33710854751267083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6572350925861545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076557263378356
suicidewatch,awzp,2019/02/13,"I really can't find anything that makes me want to keep going You know when you would get attached to one thing and after a while you don't care about it anymore? That's the same with me, and it interests me and confuses me at the same time. I might be wrong on this because I'm not that good at thinking things through. I'm in an active community that I care about and I have a friend who I can talk to about personal issues. This is my first post on this subreddit and I'm actually pretty new to Reddit.",2.9685849056603786,4.154310716981133,4.3831603773584895,87.23719339622644,73.90566037735849,7.941509433962264,24.57075471698113,8.472884824447931,1.3718150943396226,400,12,88,7,8,133,70,106,0.12,0.765,0.114,-0.1685,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,18,20,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,13,5,15,17,2,13,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,6,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.1988753154064904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021106847424501,0.0,0.0,0.16770658941684408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423203592672527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155668268844603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626568083903552,0.1733486142699712,0.0,0.0,0.15745213944229075,0.0,0.10647490083304056,0.0,0.11582185689822615,0.1709342587610635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127098807628028,0.0,0.18114308228055967,0.0,0.0,0.1120008490013217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603528755339134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619515180981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682726594730865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380973170394765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794664297774845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518005430938729,0.2073336075484974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055681617831885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380335469125554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27078576492687073,0.1305841279365957,0.0,0.0,0.11883497733402898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020405056480553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477069823514524,0.22281872890882776,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SecretBurden,2019/02/13,I'm so depressed that I can't communicate or be myself. I'm 3 years depressed and everyday I'm thinking about killing myself. Depression makes me so tired. I want to kill myself really soon and everybody sucks.,2.0385833333333316,4.897467025000001,3.825000000000003,79.51333333333334,91.25,7.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,2.881666666666667,171,8,29,5,6,57,29,40,0.4970000000000001,0.473,0.03,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,9,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,8,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6688843551629955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5727951503643544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279548769014452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583659378785026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587128587896868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975291138655898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526862471733611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670162440527855
suicidewatch,Justsomeguy3005,2019/02/13,"Life isn't worth it. I hate life. I don't feel joy anymore, all I feel is anger and hatred. I hate the way the world has become, and I know it's not getting better anytime soon. At this point killing myself seems like the best escape. I feel like the way my world is developing I am either going to kill myself or become something worse. I just am full of hate for myself, and from all my experience in life, this isn't worth it. If life is just full of shitty experiences that offer me no joy, then it isn't worth it. If life is full of just hollow people, it isn't worth it. Life just over all isn't worth it, and nothing is going to change that.",2.1718917112299465,3.55290903676471,3.54799465240642,91.64620320855616,76.27941176470588,5.827807486631016,18.981283422459885,6.11248444174946,-0.2396382352941182,503,9,113,3,11,165,66,136,0.265,0.612,0.123,-0.9678,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,6,0,4,0,14,6,0,0,3,21,25,8,2,2,9,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,5,0,5,2,8,6,0,0,0,3,14,6,10,25,8,15,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,4,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109391776447207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919801640122593,0.0,0.0,0.1387220308099349,0.1169086001072653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398362476635862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25860837015171856,0.0,0.0,0.2005130551661738,0.09443437128757058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906221663428583,0.0,0.15024976045074426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.391521688528656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924905122967077,0.0,0.07264648134382612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5602052397047265,0.12915971680598778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683692723444215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164177539708254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495937819847325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033801913296123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176395902816886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098476691073068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470977768728076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peach_tree,2019/02/13,"I have nothing left. Everything is gone. I have lost everything. My job. My partner. My mind. 

My parents would be devastated if I killed myself but I just can’t do this anymore. 

I had a breakdown and had to go stay with my mom. I wanted to kill myself every day. I had vivid scenarios play out in my mind of how I’d do it. I attempted several times. The only thing that kept me going was the possibility of coming home to my partner. She didn’t come visit me once. She wanted me to come home and wouldn’t see me unless I did.

I finally made it home and she said she’s not in love with me anymore. She keeps waffling between going to counseling to work it out with me and going to convince me to be her friend. After she asked me to marry her one year ago tomorrow. So that’s it. Everything is lost. I have nothing. Everyone can only give me useless platitudes about how everything will work out. No one knows that. It’s been going more and more to shit with every passing day. I want to kill myself. The most painless way possible. But I can’t. I couldn’t do that to my parents. But I have nothing left to live for. I pray every day to get killed while I’m driving. The least God could do, if he exists, after all I’ve been through, is to just kill me.",0.3641569767441872,2.704242755813958,2.601661821705428,90.7701671511628,88.49612403100775,5.550581395348837,20.85319767441861,7.04035,0.6587476744186049,973,33,205,15,32,329,124,258,0.192,0.746,0.062,-0.9917,3,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,0,5,6,13,6,0,5,0,29,2,1,3,1,41,54,15,5,9,9,3,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,11,15,0,2,1,1,0,12,7,9,0,2,14,3,45,4,33,33,5,32,1,3,2,1,20,7,1,3,11,148,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740558845573152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570453940430674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810148632323027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589485382966692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670233776154366,0.0,0.0,0.16163509266826606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111659010178666,0.07982897675641865,0.3003324721724644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151734184989524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454516315590804,0.0,0.04364780225038869,0.08014211845620131,0.2373972394721331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514015113089781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290359901818428,0.07425691287382036,0.4621401057993132,0.0,0.04591308252778705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815395645603753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737700551170174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823942439351094,0.0,0.07540087600257007,0.07905046609893246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687093561495737,0.09784462555897767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24048546605268334,0.0,0.0,0.08897063543360514,0.11322188305955848,0.12707652785397652,0.0,0.0,0.18552936938211848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836450167871716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946858398298261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657300477128197,0.0,0.0,0.09437988148502964,0.08575575351665281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890457892888976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055502298791907566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871463181016235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782758906651886,0.06631259471733753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164068956270385,0.0,0.0,0.05934659491373265,0.0,0.0,0.053798993438103015
suicidewatch,KillSpyy,2019/02/13,"okay so. i was really suicidal a few months ago. if was really bad. i had a panic attack almost every day. it got better as i started painting on the streets and got some medication drugs. as the time of writing this im just a teen. my parents let me do graffiti until i got jumped. since then i never got to paint. this makes me incredibly sad again. and i got harrased today by some kid i was on a after school thing with. i feel really bad right now. i just want to paint. i have so much ink, paint, markers, stickers. and they just tease me with something i cant do anymore. i feel really fucking bad right now. i wanna paint so bad. i havent painted in 2 months now. i need to talk to someone. i want to hurt myself.",-0.3700319590923621,1.891173006711412,2.224122722914668,91.75413870246088,94.1006711409396,4.9857462448066485,18.50463406839245,6.655083550727371,0.2403842122083728,554,17,118,8,21,190,88,149,0.233,0.7190000000000001,0.048,-0.9856,1,0,2,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,1,10,12,3,1,6,1,10,3,0,1,1,21,23,11,1,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,9,2,22,2,17,13,4,22,0,2,0,1,6,6,1,4,15,79,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917760801518936,0.0,0.12333112817695213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214576436136745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401170272827682,0.0,0.0,0.4113477593540581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892870213990488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943070243201268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283133857974678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377112773376762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245510130211034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386329324703125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925282018290141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318497944801245,0.0,0.13303844185928204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594371146474834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221304182656823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407494671437673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966169355806232,0.0,0.09053983856627948,0.0913246736314865,0.09499180300595164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450661974796666,0.13675923855874975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156084919510026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036306147562234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464871844217465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188267660392576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435660405383636,0.09481779759047862,0.0,0.0,0.08717623553331255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472161484815007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899469683760492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182480376363607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181801970453698,0.0,0.1167452347435496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529084055383268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dickaflicka,2019/02/13,"How to die when someone is always with you I think I've finally reached my limit. I want to leave this world, how can I when someone is with me all the time? I am thinking of starvation but I have little will power.

Any suggestions or just anyone to talk to any it would be nice.",0.415960591133004,2.7284470000000027,2.289704433497537,93.40431034482759,87.6206896551724,5.383251231527094,20.354679802955662,6.868970318607317,0.4267507389162564,218,7,47,3,7,72,44,58,0.063,0.83,0.107,0.3612,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,1,13,11,6,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409887667288084,0.0,0.0,0.3662986755479257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831737901129156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795154589184515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29503092679544723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851748896503567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699330810399717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563941598309138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647217203238311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451434784186202,0.0,0.0,0.1570448035414353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588540842884395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913198148638379,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HomestuckPlease,2019/02/13,"My friend killed himself and I don’t know how I should feel So one of my friends took his life about 3 days ago, and I’ve been so sad but i feel guilty? But not because I feel like I could have prevented it, but because I somewhat feel like I didn’t know him well enough to be this sad?

I met him from my first job almost 3 years ago and we’d been friends ever since (given we didn’t really talk until about 6 months in). We would joke around during the job, or make mean jokes to each other but it was never to actually hurt one another. Then we started hanging outside of work too, never too often but often enough to where I considered him a cool friend. But we usually only hung out late at night, either to smoke or get food, or recently to play smash bros. We actually hung out about a week and a half ago. 

The part where I feel like I shouldn’t be so sad is that I never really knew his family or other friends, I’m only really friends with his bff. I never actually met his real friends(other than when they came into the job) or have I actually seen his family. I feel like we were surface friends but I still cared about him. I feel like BECAUSE we were surface friends I don’t have the right to feel as sad as his bff or other friends. 

Is this normal?
",3.649425287356319,4.416520704980846,4.7132758620689685,87.09681034482759,71.83524904214559,7.945593869731801,24.84482758620689,8.167268648758528,1.2228482758620691,988,27,216,14,18,324,127,261,0.128,0.655,0.217,0.9804,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,8,0,1,2,19,26,1,0,7,1,21,2,0,2,5,63,44,26,1,5,15,1,8,5,9,3,1,0,0,0,8,18,1,1,12,3,0,3,10,6,1,4,14,10,41,20,25,23,6,36,0,5,1,0,33,11,0,10,27,148,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.2957793005477236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150814100833056,0.0,0.07587705580293286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945600224412404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745522758068291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857400282529206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666565830119878,0.07725698959640165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060499644575108175,0.0,0.0,0.048868180563893436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565902976950136,0.0,0.0,0.06854222857871581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286660777901158,0.0,0.3065102640350349,0.2706660177314988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445361478734818,0.09162663255326788,0.0,0.5268876031813595,0.0,0.03958896511353713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811179980371187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255830204570041,0.0,0.08383308016793649,0.0,0.08328719104895259,0.0,0.08547675587561973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352165716635115,0.18509757476304686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505799602631798,0.0,0.0,0.08254047013153712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048235515792754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337673690023297,0.0,0.0,0.0711090848770414,0.07424276466065519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269330750768617,0.11525959999316357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205622592785235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624778789061079,0.14562894730813564,0.0,0.07481801914094023,0.0,0.0,0.06471087222829966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268131697406226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363346777109036,0.0,0.06051348570495312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090454410961184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841880796993788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345473005293172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060781604809071674,0.0,0.06813023167896494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516462189618721,0.0,0.0,0.05382791697435487,0.0,0.0,0.04879619051943231
suicidewatch,edgy_meme_queen,2019/02/13,Never getting better. I'm at the point every second is me distracting myself from killing myself. It takes everything I have not to and I don't have much willpower anymore. If I can't keep myself busy I'm going to do it. I'm never going to get better ,-0.06461538461538296,2.262118307692308,2.8296153846153835,86.35288461538461,96.69230769230772,4.138461538461539,18.03846153846154,5.985473137389443,0.1887230769230772,200,6,36,2,8,70,34,52,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.8863,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,6,15,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,7,2,5,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612849530620904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466024032426315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197932430060824,0.0,0.2367839655349972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27529756283694895,0.0,0.2994647064976373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341784246167442,0.2914832780947814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367595424800316,0.0,0.4063985176966728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490581243129541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809173006531705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lordfreezoo,2019/02/13,"I just want to die I’ve actually been trying to reach out and make friends to deal with loneliness, but my efforts are just not enough. I feel that I’m so worthless and such a compulsive liar that killing myself is the only way to save myself and others. I’m a good for nothing fat slob who is a burden on others around me. I deserve to suffer and have my bones shattered and bleed to death. I deserve to go to hell or whatever is the worst in the afterlife. I’m a dumb, lonely pig who isn’t good enough for anybody, even my own family and even myself. I just want to die and end the suffering for everyone.",5.509611428571431,5.026858544000003,6.3838857142857135,81.09880000000003,67.56,9.702857142857145,30.65714285714286,9.23628265651192,2.3932742857142864,478,16,100,8,7,159,75,125,0.387,0.511,0.102,-0.9957,0,2,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,14,4,0,8,0,7,3,2,1,0,21,15,10,4,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,1,1,12,4,17,14,4,7,1,4,0,0,4,4,2,1,1,71,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.19378565160758093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677849946705354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472748975763155,0.0,0.0,0.4121898383390609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588313539231962,0.4103729073408525,0.0,0.2623207281983229,0.0,0.0,0.18975191255651533,0.0,0.0,0.187203760575216,0.0,0.10040812715840684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342258729529706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285771672340113,0.3331193380975073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969959407613016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325538405119646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054307921620925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102920757026073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482293592173522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234255520520082,0.15762373746307778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mslangg,2019/02/13,"Everyone keeps telling me to reach out and talk to someone, but it has never helped me. I see that everywhere. 

“Talk to someone, call this hotline, etc”

It just doesn’t help me. I don’t think it ever really did. Talking to someone about how stressed, hopeless, anxious, or suicidal I am isn’t going to make those feelings go away for me. I understand how it can help for some people, but I’m not one of them. Am I just doomed? Is there no cure for me? I feel so lost and alone despite talking to the people that I’m closest with. 

Everything I’ve ever read and listened to has said that this would be a cure, that it would help me get through this but I wake up the next day feeling even closer to attempting suicide again. 

I saw someone very important and meaningful to me yesterday, a former therapist. I hadn’t seen her in a long time and we talked about the place I’m in right now and what I’m dealing with. It was so good to see her again but as soon as I left I fell right back into my suicidal mindset. 

I intended to kill myself today. Either by overdosing or cutting my wrists. Not sure if I’ll call the crisis line or not, cause I kind of doubt anything will come from it. Anyone else feeling this way? It feels like I’m the only one..",2.3967193675889327,4.192931814229252,3.633339920948618,89.49609683794468,76.70750988142292,6.813438735177866,25.72924901185771,7.686295010490155,1.3274047430830045,971,36,204,14,22,316,147,253,0.218,0.6809999999999999,0.1,-0.9917,0,1,0,0,0,3,29.0,1,0,1,2,17,11,2,2,8,0,16,2,2,5,4,48,41,20,4,3,14,0,5,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,18,12,0,1,8,1,0,4,9,7,0,2,7,11,27,4,31,30,3,32,1,3,4,0,19,12,0,6,16,139,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997236062728839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877615353652492,0.0,0.06732564531621722,0.09865673043463594,0.07923545089029678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046418278359324,0.07403824944086755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663823024306434,0.0,0.0,0.09891259097539447,0.0,0.08294215320188576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209672153403644,0.09926698511082392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043487903245569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738471744728606,0.06359621722307747,0.17419300789436573,0.0,0.09200572087704127,0.08653595075296311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434263243162669,0.0687869781025478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030563679901686,0.0,0.1094434880131268,0.08076041086177614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581548071636463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558372005576481,0.10652656543499828,0.10026740262324896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046153864407295,0.0,0.0,0.04704064044970314,0.0,0.0,0.08521037793246176,0.0,0.0,0.10510791055406678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427187735296902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426195864660136,0.0,0.10240161131369332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049222717380204,0.07323009780916707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350564442943286,0.0,0.1005987282399273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631239304535784,0.0,0.0616834927754585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644560107054326,0.09159035545127572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345548806474005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263324021446439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029567325225596,0.0,0.0,0.3159648729910887,0.0,0.09074873273901124,0.0,0.0,0.38695655046817307,0.08415850217630348,0.0,0.0,0.11179585805579983,0.0,0.06169639661834981,0.0,0.0,0.056145337182882726,0.0,0.09126818862644448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023747211566957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794463116119854,0.0,0.07642761222922924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679810185457988,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Antarctic4,2019/02/13,"I've finally gave up. I am so tired of being alive.

Only twenty years old and I cannot wait for the day that I get to call my last, every day that passes by I wonder when I will finally leave this place. I've wondered who would go to my funeral, I actually think it would be a full house but where is that full house now? Why do I feel so alone and deprived from the world even though I am living in it? For the past couple months I have been struggling in basically every way possible, I have fucked up with money, I have fucked up by my parent's perspective, and I have failed myself on a daily basis. The only good thing out of this is that I realized that I no longer cares what happens to me, I would fucking love for someone or something to just help me end this as it is taking too long. I don't want to wait for it to get better because it never does, it might for some lucky ones but I am not of them. I am the scum that lives in this earth only to make it worse. I give up, hopefully this will all be over very soon for me.",3.5758246753246747,3.724372050000003,4.85948051948052,88.21136363636367,71.68181818181819,7.922077922077923,23.441558441558442,7.7094869923839395,0.811337662337662,801,17,184,9,14,267,128,220,0.171,0.705,0.124,-0.892,1,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,2,10,12,3,1,7,0,24,5,0,1,2,28,45,11,1,5,5,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,21,5,0,2,5,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,2,1,27,6,31,34,4,33,0,2,0,4,8,15,3,7,15,134,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.11181938742369928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867651813699842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985054996559953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134198773320484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700509723851485,0.0,0.1168280435428899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267872076026197,0.0,0.14779695550151908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027496343177006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148916751357336,0.0,0.0,0.07568295921896752,0.0,0.19308726069919366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057938114499570786,0.0,0.0,0.25104668072483205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177986767715938,0.11973289055823333,0.10992131337077657,0.06512185316796909,0.09610928367514453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013280038420682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680456714199364,0.0,0.0,0.11380973308004515,0.0,0.2644336730257615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340286742905107,0.0,0.12133000809509893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236303961265376,0.10140498664368897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341832084260613,0.0,0.07648703154102238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155761709257193,0.0,0.0,0.09146143616105902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837577191197926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023871075627865,0.0,0.07764642567453947,0.26144340409358696,0.0,0.0,0.12723417064698495,0.0,0.10938528375022412,0.0,0.0,0.11971796089940433,0.0,0.0,0.1291784757865624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708832915607192,0.08821388570261521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979014576172832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615439668984377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761258336543469,0.0734220693165602,0.11258014373639086,0.0,0.0,0.13169972793165574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945454340583862,0.06758577992714157,0.09095301752395507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033960243981547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485272151765985,0.0,0.0,0.11677290315170552,0.2441957780501932,0.0,0.0,0.07378961438327789
suicidewatch,incrediblyfunkymunky,2019/02/13,No seatbelt.... I don't wear my seatbelt when I'm in vehicles because I hope one day that I will get into a wreck and fly out the windshield and die. ,3.4965625,3.4807055312499986,5.031250000000004,87.48875000000002,71.8125,7.65,31.625,7.1686216300943375,1.774575,115,5,26,1,2,39,27,32,0.265,0.649,0.086,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220315530072937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406936891215897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482660738483656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760018977052393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246962995876527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579728299598469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EncepTiion,2019/02/13,How can people do this bullshit? I mean what do you really life for. Nothing. You were bred just to pay taxes and work. Like a slave. Under the illusion of money to help maintain this system and thus making it as hard as possible to escape. Poor people stuck in this. I really hope that there is something more lifeworthy on the other side.,2.0521923076923088,4.8007625846153825,3.554134615384616,84.05274038461542,84.69230769230771,6.3269230769230775,18.89423076923077,7.6454224807358475,1.0042692307692307,268,7,47,5,8,88,53,65,0.16399999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.134,-0.3197,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,3,0,8,9,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,10,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,35,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26431506927671283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977719484187557,0.0,0.0,0.2930603413029637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084090243968852,0.14415101107462974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196954293468884,0.0,0.0,0.32140594600626143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28311724049237713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091137672593955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326348913970372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780449315822645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715097164393405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480659679266104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gettingdakotahelp123,2019/02/13,I don’t want to live in this world anymore. I don’t want to live in this world anymore. I’m young with no hope. Broken with no means to fix myself. I can’t do this anymore.,-1.4676923076923103,0.4577545384615434,0.7648205128205134,103.47184615384614,93.35897435897436,3.12,15.492307692307696,3.1291,-1.4239169230769235,133,3,34,0,5,44,20,39,0.192,0.667,0.141,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7548409641371941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519927871050363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44806384286284334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763662246694776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29929125728692496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BornToBeSam,2019/02/13,"Stressed college student I’ve always struggled with depression and bad days. But it’s been harder now. I’m studying Accounting at a big school. I have a 3.85 gpa right now. Last semester I got 3.34. This school is making me feel like a complete idiot. Right now I’m taking a tax class and there’s a midterm on Friday. I started studying but I’ve been failing the two quizzes so far. (6/10 and then 4.5/10). I’m probably gonna fail this midterm too. I’ve never done so bad in classes before. 

My boyfriend is my only support system. And I feel bad for always leaning on him. I feel like I ruin his day with my mood. Because he obviously doesn’t want to see me like this. It’s at the point where I kinda wish he would find someone else so I don’t hurt him anymore. We’ve been together for 4.5 years. Almost 5. I’m so in love with him but I don’t like the idea of him being in pain because of me. I can’t even imagine the pain he’ll feel when I’m gone. 

I’m just so overwhelmed with school, work, and my life. My boyfriend lives two hours away and goes to a different school. I really want to just transfer to his school because it’s smaller and I have more friends there. But I only have a year left here and if I transfer then it’ll take me longer to finish. 

I hate doing long distance and I’m just so depressed and down. I feel like I can’t get help because I don’t have time. But then I lay around doing nothing all day. I’m just super stressed and I’m ready to call it quits. 

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out to someone and I just need someone to understand the severity of my situation. People just say “oh it’s normal for a college student to feel this way” “college is stressful”. But I feel like I cant even cope with it. Makes me wonder if I deserve my high gpa or if I’m even cut out for college. I’m a junior in senior standing. So I’m so close. But I can’t handle this anymore. ",0.3178293235516243,2.503026535980151,2.17413367137771,95.07919381810338,86.36972704714641,4.596159240479016,21.91223432948538,5.922688038783598,0.15415982306613385,1486,53,329,11,46,490,181,403,0.172,0.705,0.123,-0.9755,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,5,28,30,3,5,15,0,24,4,0,2,3,65,65,35,0,10,18,0,7,6,1,4,3,1,0,0,13,21,0,0,12,0,2,1,9,19,0,2,6,9,43,10,36,54,2,46,0,7,1,1,14,22,0,7,26,188,56,25,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772856786852975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284416426784313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308573653292593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870750306896815,0.0,0.0,0.07251414264604063,0.0,0.1933288734195811,0.1881954211877765,0.0,0.0656753939021222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881048741478598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092286866113227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149326188043139,0.0,0.13295186067313966,0.0,0.0,0.08063777624621805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789830168574297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447486853254741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529320784943585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731754261959851,0.22055264697412874,0.0,0.0,0.07054208682333367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962989231846744,0.0,0.08064783233537161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172874101238965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762003138400211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051732834850802496,0.08154602307324002,0.0,0.0,0.07600779310389451,0.0,0.08262391661813825,0.08712801758025271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291286176205216,0.0,0.0,0.08385744304440401,0.0,0.05451526228437792,0.2262405920290607,0.0,0.06815228636620944,0.06830280570929108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965891628302161,0.0,0.10303790824377587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445754995763882,0.059526788357288536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562104767446406,0.07405730470326945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739934181952327,0.16425217025477193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053507626147280274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729610449303165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321423221043846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209155333435318,0.0,0.0,0.049444160731829785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182440002603255,0.0,0.06137747345803642,0.0,0.39055674526199335,0.061503308872881815,0.0,0.0,0.08719262443241495,0.0,0.0,0.08675474057072963,0.0,0.0,0.19618577456021769,0.0,0.0,0.08639787315367092,0.05462914860192202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652319162354399,0.08068639741160306,0.0,0.0,0.0875841475778858,0.0,0.0,0.11606109744453726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500489435834478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078935350113662,0.08034820110918456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104677290269644,0.061262729676608875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887544052629271,0.0,0.08369956278049985,0.056188727903960886,0.0,0.0,0.05482720766582591,0.0,0.0,0.09940413901525252
suicidewatch,oyasumi__,2019/02/13,"Watch my hero academia. Very motivational anime Seriously, try watching some episodes, this anime helped me a lot during a dark phase",7.405909090909091,10.64143231818182,6.400000000000002,68.77000000000002,66.72727272727272,8.036363636363637,33.72727272727273,8.841846274778883,3.292836363636363,109,5,16,2,2,33,20,22,0.083,0.764,0.153,0.3892,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406486014804067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5589071527564992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446338779485313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424327594629091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yosemitehowler,2019/02/13,"I drafted my suicide note and I think I know how I am going to do it. Facts about me:

In therapy
On medications 
28 F
A Mom (8 years old and 1 year old)
Jobless
Dropped out of class because of my mental health 

So yeah, it’s pretty much my calling. ",-1.6895178197065022,0.14271145283018782,1.401006289308178,95.5068343815514,104.28301886792454,3.8649895178197062,20.9832285115304,5.82211442006289,0.1445278825995806,189,8,43,2,9,66,44,53,0.08199999999999999,0.745,0.174,0.6195,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,1,7,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,7,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,25,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730817319028058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467526331094769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733580093018066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568636544993186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280503969102153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434379041868789,0.2435273157193707,0.0,0.0,0.28301866626029554,0.0,0.0,0.17764124933885242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071440335683811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458458862167727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26432691236856604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763489157735894,0.0,0.0,0.15484016816187146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31123057157228273
suicidewatch,Cathrandir,2019/02/13,"My Family is falling apart, I feel almost nothing anymore and I don't see any way out of my misery I have been really depressed for the last years, and a few months ago I found myself holding a knife pointing towards my heart. Now I feel like I'll never be ok again, and even though I don't want to give up, it feels like that's the only way out.

I don't know what exactly started the blackness in myself, but I believe that I found the source of my misery.

It came from my own family. My oldest brother is arrogant and lazy, my other brother (who is still older than me) is addicted to gaming and lazy, my father lives far away (""job reasons"") and my mother seems to not think at all.

My oldest brother has moved out a few years ago to study at a university. He however didn't learn enough to pass, because he expected my father to give him the money he needs. Now, after changing the subject several times, he decided not to study at all.

My other brother currently lives with me and my mother (again) and doesn't care to find anything he can do to get a job (according to my mother). This is the reason he and my mother regularly shout at each other. She decided to throw him out at the end of Feburary if he doesn't find anything, and he still doesn't care. He tells me that he does search for an alternative to doing nothing, but my mother interrupts him regularly. I can't even trust my own family anymore for way too long. I don't remember trusting one of them.

Now I'm convinced that all of this is my mothers fault: She is the only family member that hasn't had any normal discussion so far; also, she is the only one to fight regularly and over the smallest things that noone gives a shit about. Every single fight -except when she is involved - is resolved quickly and calmly.

I didn't tell anyone back then because I was sure I would be strong enough to carry on with life no matter what. But that seems impossible now... i couldn't control my body when the knife was in my hands.

Now, I finally started to find someone I can trust, and I also noticed that I can feel happyness again, but the dark thoughts get stronger each time and I don't know how long I can resist.",7.0131755341432775,5.8936309124424024,7.492576455802264,76.48094260578132,64.76036866359448,10.287222454964391,33.32174277335568,9.339509955726095,2.8292755760368657,1712,59,334,26,22,566,200,434,0.139,0.8079999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.99,4,0,0,0,2,0,52.0,0,0,1,3,23,19,3,0,20,1,38,6,4,4,6,70,64,27,0,7,8,12,5,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,19,23,0,2,22,1,1,5,17,5,0,2,10,8,54,14,46,50,12,64,0,1,2,0,41,20,1,4,38,237,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974108302212364,0.0,0.0,0.14594364107660446,0.0,0.08243171027215411,0.0,0.0,0.13166274237593845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196101059629042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327888032226182,0.05756014278623904,0.0,0.13548489124927612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734246368686161,0.06329909189051595,0.0,0.10036316364035493,0.0,0.0,0.09274658681384072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914390969183078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415228833053628,0.16786169983847074,0.0,0.08708377297869065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232901575587564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090219977091905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203889281394125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291119348311871,0.17011738152505898,0.0,0.10874332735562378,0.0,0.0693582525547933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104163358839697,0.0,0.16649410690102745,0.11761902207754472,0.0,0.09017766900676827,0.22571729828596504,0.0,0.0,0.18051952785303074,0.0,0.0,0.08601773138612924,0.23690688405804514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754973998647996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338003619016211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048197151665753,0.06710188590409742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814513610386667,0.08043490614382064,0.0,0.1453803504010112,0.14570143361048352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570713536783143,0.08749326107541089,0.0,0.061039326800681575,0.06349035234950086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806562405663913,0.15797675296853853,0.09372200360850397,0.0,0.0,0.11156448918298184,0.18782448499445326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781912275545047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273637757251616,0.16927758999568665,0.0,0.0,0.09325264997920288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559847858012872,0.14988229323903715,0.0,0.09299830547323487,0.08450042144727757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974957155998289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653321097961075,0.0,0.13148191026663494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758574001918267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439028286826442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468983067472174,0.0527474097287744,0.08087910112400427,0.06535298099175987,0.0960030493536113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855454032881147,0.1960256415841326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058477852225943636,0.0,0.0,0.1060229181725104
suicidewatch,ssueri,2019/02/13,"I’m doing it at the end of this semester Years of suffering and trying, nothing changes. I don’t want to hurt my family but I can’t keep going. Just giving myself a chance to the end of this semester and then it’s done. ",0.6068085106382988,2.694468829787237,3.3908936170212804,87.49400000000004,84.1063829787234,7.164255319148936,20.038297872340426,8.238735603445708,1.1490204255319152,173,5,37,4,5,61,35,47,0.117,0.762,0.122,0.3047,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,8,0,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117254522043594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015532617258803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5219864501012448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777919162354421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826776372424397,0.16746972012858632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154540373880772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619193138943658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28274713573184496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200063938924662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380604356999155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897600493230749
suicidewatch,kute_kumber,2019/02/13,"Killing myself to avoid a life of dead end jobs and loneliness so after about 7 years of school and 2 years of trying to land a job in my field i finally get it... and i suck so bad they would fire me if my contract wasn't that good. The boss told me yesterday that i should take a specialized program if i ever wanted to work as a planning architect again and said i couldn't use her or my coworkers as references.


Bascially i am back to dead end jobs that i invariably will get fired from because i can't stop screwing things up. and now i have a 16 month gap in my employement history so even those jobs are going to be difficult where i live and i can't move for many reasons.


I have decided that if this is all life is going to be, loneliness and dead end jobs i might as well spare myself a lot of time and pain and just end it. 


My plan is to strap my backpack with 20 kilos of weights, drink as much as i can of vodka and then throw myself of the pier to drown.",5.343609625668449,4.4514851078431406,6.103511586452765,84.33489304812835,68.01960784313725,10.163279857397503,29.81996434937611,9.573946990214177,2.2589862745098044,758,23,172,14,11,250,121,204,0.233,0.741,0.026,-0.9931,6,1,2,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,12,10,3,1,8,0,18,6,0,3,2,31,28,23,5,7,5,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,11,2,2,3,2,0,4,4,7,1,0,3,4,27,3,28,18,3,26,0,0,0,1,4,5,2,6,17,119,36,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315781042126378,0.10115620870941504,0.07385265959152963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868207343459053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42921608744950296,0.0,0.0,0.08001923860056545,0.10958821506911416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271524034016466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659302486039034,0.0,0.1377060611935675,0.10161589585682344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011194625172321,0.0,0.13403587554494775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114537995115114,0.0,0.0,0.106978747381236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299843534372162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282832225033123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852229968577836,0.0,0.0,0.0967017484312106,0.12876457441915487,0.08906008697759019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891344051237233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456363248197977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152425541390019,0.0,0.0,0.1226115032000924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128784521243336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109064043421564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048748766852516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706442510029669,0.0,0.0,0.1157651831028312,0.0,0.08225372621101966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463575621321232,0.0,0.0,0.07145812882855493,0.0,0.0,0.1475295483594346,0.10892949699422906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819953149937386,0.0,0.0,0.08606235111444553,0.0,0.0,0.1560348279325588
suicidewatch,lesbean_677,2019/02/13,"I didnt want to feel the pain anymore As a coping mechanism. I personified my depression and suicidal thoughts as one person. It helped when having to argue with why I need to be alive. However to come with this coping mechanism is that the personified person of my suicidal thoughts and depression can take control and push the ""real"" me back in place. I had a counsellor at one point who when i told this too said it wasnt healthy but it works for me as a coping mechanism so its fine for now.

Right now I'm me. Im not the depressed version of me but I dont know how long that will last. Tonight is the night I die for sure. I was hurt badly and I want to just run inside myself but that adds fuel to the suicidal version of me. I'm holding on by a thread and I feel like I should let go and just drop into the darkness and let that part of me take control. If i do I die and idk whether I want to die or live anymore. I just feel numb. ",2.1940151515151527,3.575631873737379,3.8968560606060616,89.16528409090913,76.22222222222223,7.374242424242425,25.506313131313128,8.07648339933343,1.3614737373737378,733,26,164,12,16,246,105,198,0.271,0.665,0.064,-0.9924,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,12,11,1,0,11,0,15,2,0,3,1,40,33,21,6,6,10,0,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,11,13,0,3,6,0,0,4,4,8,0,2,8,4,24,3,24,20,3,21,0,4,0,0,7,7,0,2,10,114,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261079013796181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765631414394738,0.09518236171660016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819793811638663,0.0,0.0,0.2557136593269547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29455519712824435,0.0,0.3549312788074292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336031133609442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292025013812712,0.08143916161045185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478686921109605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640948781676644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220356697717142,0.0,0.12313584121763747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626495253150399,0.09292240717504127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331384018115092,0.0,0.055692958544149775,0.0,0.10066104650560974,0.10088336383936022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452700102601737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697804445139952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449403173187867,0.0,0.12130037178665028,0.0,0.0,0.1234471600921705,0.0,0.0,0.19907478940323486,0.11910213695859273,0.0,0.10776359133961297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975303651777953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973524350327134,0.10843682867468336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37408118606963614,0.0,0.1074404039156694,0.0,0.1714224445028909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100106213104888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892859343844268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171436491721373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286415978293104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299084967215371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Decibelle,2019/02/13,"a former workmate i haven't spoken to in 3 years has messaged me at 3 in the morning saying she tried to kill herself fair warning: i'm not the best emotional support person most of the time; i'm not really sure how to handle this in general, especially when i was just being an insomniac on facebook

what am i meant to do? i barely know this girl. literally, we talked a couple at times at work before she quit four months in.",11.414728682170539,6.276263418604653,11.643488372093024,62.64298449612406,60.16279069767442,14.257364341085275,42.62015503875969,11.20814326018867,4.644345736434109,338,12,64,6,3,117,65,86,0.162,0.7809999999999999,0.057,-0.8438,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,1,10,11,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,9,3,13,8,2,14,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,6,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969026713078807,0.0,0.2709416419932415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856687926031971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904152422019716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28563545100378845,0.0,0.1418877508165631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607503337224906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254308709496723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27460383881492983,0.0,0.0,0.16539529089725505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053133257168506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929770745872351,0.2433294934280649,0.0,0.0,0.20751351244735386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010910685518759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528575903656507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795649191472086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662580196071055
suicidewatch,anomenus369,2019/02/13,"Can't stop thinking about my ex My ex (21) and me (25)
We broke up 2 years ago and i can't stop thinking about her.
She just left all of a sudden didnt say much.
Now she's dating some army guy and I know he's giving her everything she could ever want or need.
Better than I could have even imagined I would.
Why did she start hating me all of a sudden?
I just wasn't good enough.
I just feel like a piece of complete shit.
I got depressed over my dad having a heart attack, amongst other things.
And she told me i was putting HER through hell.
Bc my dad had a fucking heart attack.
When it happened I called her bc I just wanted someone around at that point but she refused.
I called her twice and she hung up after 3 rings.
Then immediately texted me and said she was busy.
Yeah, fucking that army guy.
I'm never good enough for anyone.
And I don't want to be alone.
Just fuck it all.
I Can't stop thinking how happy she is with her new boyfriend.
And I always just get left in the fucking dust and get laughed at because of it.
2 fucking years and it still feels like it happened yesterday.
We dated for 3 years, I thought i was going to marry her.
I fucking resent being born
And
Don't even try to say "" you're taking life for granted"", no:

My father is in prison for 1st degree child exploitation. My mother lives in a group home for severe schizophrenia. Before all that we lived in a trash filled home with cockroaches everywhere. All our food and clothes came from charity. Our power would always get cut off, and there stayed an eviction notice on our door.
And you can already guess what living with a registered sex offender before they got caught was like.
I'm a lesbian female in the soutern United States, 
So even my family would try to ""set me straight"" by telling me I'll just die and go to hell.
NOTHING. HAS. EVER. BEEN. GOOD.
No one fucking gets it.
And then I'm just even more of a horrible person for wanting to kill myself",1.3903479450425282,3.757970749360617,2.3516754892047835,94.39790876107777,83.19437340153453,4.762528995420211,20.346220186760245,6.0184958892216835,-0.01022195919823954,1517,44,318,11,43,477,210,391,0.185,0.708,0.107,-0.9893,3,1,0,0,0,1,49.0,6,1,1,2,23,28,17,0,13,1,27,14,3,1,8,67,68,23,2,10,10,6,2,3,0,3,1,4,3,4,12,24,1,4,8,0,0,6,10,19,0,2,16,6,55,9,40,45,11,50,2,2,0,9,45,17,10,3,27,203,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646783332593285,0.0,0.0,0.07556887406305114,0.08051777466986701,0.0,0.12142406700394145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101824334544031,0.0,0.0,0.06495357955835973,0.0,0.16601455098082896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04447828008816199,0.0,0.12417426721405005,0.0,0.0,0.06453087795741701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900914851150876,0.08345157126201108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650154281396865,0.0,0.0,0.11651190332021386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284393169546762,0.0,0.07572528768605538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078298190061976,0.0,0.19276858147573706,0.1320005359634967,0.0,0.0,0.06557549018516809,0.0,0.06878412472560111,0.0,0.07378575217406423,0.10425123357823722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822856256907209,0.0,0.0,0.4721793884628875,0.1524830669089103,0.0699938793062023,0.08293443720891475,0.1835966491522671,0.11671222242964994,0.0,0.08037825801634682,0.14449199709852095,0.12904394705214062,0.07767171447981533,0.0,0.0720370108983808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292578273813716,0.0,0.0,0.14637802093684535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807240422663664,0.0,0.040099199009593495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855156584217042,0.0,0.05153675024951488,0.1069398219794068,0.0,0.19328609352001214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363705945289545,0.05410200665978064,0.056274465097904035,0.07046924892187356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001108784426302,0.08307018981308043,0.0,0.0,0.049442409124876775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637094978607672,0.0,0.0,0.06897472364532461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334914251004421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940563318125363,0.1160480712374563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242874234984332,0.0748966707778932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182230346965267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164441424044443,0.07777009577827479,0.05826927947710207,0.18300393677636947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485997445524333,0.0,0.06377389958093996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847415164075879,0.14025747966147942,0.0,0.057925399872090826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697203901252006,0.0,0.09907576227974674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214462884296508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583881351612038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549495627181506,0.0,0.0,0.14095959750151973
suicidewatch,Kurwablaster,2019/02/13,"Cocktail Any experts here? Would 20x 50mg tramadol, along with any amount of mirtazapine and booze be enough to get the job done?",4.98,7.212943666666668,3.84,88.905,70.66666666666666,6.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.3743166666666669,104,4,20,1,2,30,23,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5683252066652187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276210861852852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317663599929061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183172727118761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146666430493138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29683938430570656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doireallyhave2pick1,2019/02/13,The best thing I can do for myself is to end my suffering once and for all. Just waiting for the perfect time.,1.9313043478260887,3.6119188695652182,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,77.69565217391305,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,0.8795391304347824,86,3,19,1,2,28,20,23,0.103,0.633,0.263,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382563275527593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454276674524187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462211731547347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34074760297204193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29907579290028713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beelzeflub,2019/02/13,I just feel humiliated I just dunno what to do anymore. I just wake up dreading to get out of bed cuz I'm 25 and just a silly worthless mentally ill girl lol,-0.8523529411764734,1.292287882352941,2.6796470588235297,87.96241176470592,96.64705882352942,5.072941176470589,21.50588235294117,6.742157984588678,0.7107835294117653,124,5,27,2,5,45,27,34,0.299,0.599,0.102,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,9,4,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237740822565455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31802860396989074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32861342108222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338587546501244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no_more_pain_01,2019/02/13,"I think I'm ready. It's an odd feeling, but I'm fairly sure that I am ready this time. 

Wishing you all the best in life.

Thank you for the support.

Goodbye world.",-1.1085714285714268,0.9719095714285756,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,18.42857142857143,3.1291,-1.0251714285714284,125,4,30,0,5,40,28,35,0.035,0.449,0.516,0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,8,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980027282901645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176176162740646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678776789612362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303719212534309,0.3574415565852711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34916529837413884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430100716269847,0.0,0.0,0.22114553131415066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361223459844011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Sanctum-,2019/02/13,"Tempted to kill myself rn Lost a good future at a great school and have to cough up penalty of $2000. My parents are not welcoming and they have every right to do so. I am ashamed of myself for not doing this right. 

I am ashamed of myself for being a burden to them.

I am ashamed of myself for not doing everyting right. 

I am ashamed of myself for not being there with them. 

But there is a thing I can do and is to rid the one cause of their problems: me.

I will no longer be a burden for them. I won't be an issue for them. I will not make anymore mistakes. I just want to die and never suffer, ever again. Life has been nothing but pain and misery and peo0le think of me as a laughingstock. 

I am done with life. I am done with whatever God up there that was ""guiding"" me. I am done.",0.9391590909090899,2.818309169696973,2.7349053030303025,93.82235795454548,81.54545454545455,5.09469696969697,20.00946969696969,5.985473137389443,-0.09941666666666693,603,16,135,4,16,200,87,165,0.18600000000000005,0.725,0.09,-0.9257,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,6,1,7,15,1,4,8,0,30,4,0,2,2,25,34,10,2,3,8,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,6,0,27,3,26,21,0,10,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,117,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533959168769055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712654495453836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302710301038635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118316070417436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080609814433246,0.14046721945848276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983526197542126,0.0,0.1838073327009726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740104184896287,0.0,0.0,0.18444891532857702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355158987632465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199253880930324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128564987970282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858330376660265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599705472037346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129725231576384,0.0,0.17739985042891288,0.0,0.18512075945528933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595267396766102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271291297623499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687276535488401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076012103194913,0.1068262492972253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833467569969168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suspendedforhelpwtf,2019/02/13,"I was permanently banned from Reddit for posting to this sub  My posts keep getting removing and it's starting to anger me, but my Reddit account was banned for posting to this sub about how I wanted to die, I wasn't even told what I did.",9.115624999999998,6.118305979166667,8.765833333333337,74.96250000000003,62.125,11.266666666666667,38.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.246758333333333,189,7,38,2,2,61,33,48,0.265,0.735,0.0,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,9,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,7,0,8,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924551613095164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612067485507508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472244652100117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504692956424234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8096352912435015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994535241654284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26926392178477965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620796940896604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slow_Airport,2019/02/13,Want to end it all I was going to drink and go to  the beach and swim and drown while drunk. I feel really bad and I have become dependent on other people. I feel like I am ruining other peoples lives. I was diagnosed with bpd and I feel like I am a horrible person. I just don't want to be here anymore and I don't want other people to put up with me.,0.02042207792207762,1.8955756363636385,3.0286850649350647,90.49159902597404,84.84415584415585,6.447402597402598,17.41720779220779,7.6454224807358475,0.3684558441558443,272,6,62,5,8,97,46,77,0.228,0.691,0.081,-0.8894,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,1,1,17,16,7,1,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,3,4,0,4,2,2,0,0,2,3,11,2,9,13,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013074066474948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948469539401753,0.0,0.22418190947432173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556535561819295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602635200789168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884884300650765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978520243023954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30790721509284097,0.2900262454043386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23072305825880024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833725375613695,0.0,0.1792402131798636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221744637818401,0.17723940357297868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405683151797954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003792510278375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591789180056586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quokkafarts,2019/02/13,"Feel like it'd just be better for everyone except my cats if I carked it Look I'm not really going to do anything because I don't feel confident that my cats would be appropriately cared for. But Really just feeling like existing is a burden on me and everyone else around me. Sure my family would be sad, but they're sad with me now anyway and they'll get over it. Mum already acts like I'm dead since I came out as trans to the family, she cries all the time, begs me not to transition and just winces every time she tries to say my proper name. My brother has pretty much disowned me at this point because I've been insistent about him telling his kids about the transition thing but apparently that's too much to ask and I'm being selfish. 7 months on T and I still look like a teenage soft butch lesbian; I turn 30 this year. Bisexual fiance dumped me very brutally almost a year ago because he didn't want to marry a man and I'm obviously not over it, we haven't spoken since. I pretty much just wake up, work, and go to sleep. Everything revolves around being ok for work, but I can't even manage that because I'm so exhausted.

Usually when I feel like this I agree with myself that I can kill myself, but only after X amount of time or X event. My antidepressants were upped recently but that's just left me with more mental energy to brood. I just think if I got into my car and drove off into the outback, never to return, everything would be better for everyone else. So many people get lost and die out there, it shouldn't be hard to just drive so far out that no poor soul finds my body.

But I can't do that because of the fucking cats.",5.7477596229379415,5.443754465671645,6.467808326787118,80.09536527886883,67.02985074626865,9.918303220738414,28.377847604084838,9.549672527348893,2.2272985074626868,1306,36,269,24,19,431,183,335,0.16399999999999998,0.718,0.118,-0.9747,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,1,5,21,20,4,0,9,1,25,6,3,0,4,59,50,24,3,7,21,2,6,5,0,5,1,1,0,2,16,21,0,0,6,0,1,7,11,10,0,0,7,9,36,10,39,30,6,41,1,3,2,2,15,18,1,4,21,169,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407530149306695,0.0,0.09497461955307476,0.0,0.10466497573116622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805021853305197,0.16886618777039591,0.08866825437214504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289086361680938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167767248983635,0.0,0.10535258110526732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847861502231584,0.09670187011197247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418393335245392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843522663651948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846341039580228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264492214487416,0.0,0.0799118886106963,0.2718883986923883,0.17048302978891264,0.0,0.17882483152602116,0.0,0.1918280526819988,0.20327411327154785,0.0,0.0,0.0866875722966331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768364578390278,0.09910629400074336,0.0,0.10780639297769266,0.0,0.07585705130460707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496343199745089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493310277603617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305051188417662,0.0,0.0,0.2316849482006086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929359043665126,0.0,0.10353566864477858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615900899740804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558251133872998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570521299241137,0.0,0.2091682817469636,0.0,0.0731511215741628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213469568205866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575430950434097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966017511042226,0.0,0.0,0.19298506319491016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152161783422236,0.0,0.09364903301046117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542538656537534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569152669328307,0.0,0.09491454764400974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574417881454229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939128057318523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828996290482296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301150181895943,0.06077351973968197,0.0,0.0,0.16591648514008248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439424274375326,0.1031652677156676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445952538363222,0.07825792512426732,0.05594265823283625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809810942024153,0.0,0.0,0.20212774000818215,0.0,0.0,0.12215549433701944
suicidewatch,areyousiri,2019/02/13,"i didn't want to live Honestly, I wasn't in the best mindset about four months ago. Now that I'm getting better, I honestly wonder why I was always so fucking mad at myself for everything. It's odd how I didn't think that I was going to probably reach the age of sixteen and how I was always on the verge of killing myself. I even stopped cutting myself (something I can't fathom doing anymore).

The only issue here is

How do I plan my life, when I never thought I'd reach this far?",6.468,5.063265800000004,7.314,78.24700000000003,66.0,9.6,34.0,8.238735603445708,2.5736000000000008,380,14,76,4,5,128,68,100,0.185,0.703,0.111,-0.8106,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,4,0,4,0,10,2,0,3,1,10,18,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,7,0,15,4,9,11,1,13,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,7,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649065904946986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688823404649241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982989163975145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326213871781838,0.19604269466954746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464061599513157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921619241969768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492364632626467,0.1158096413473011,0.0,0.12597605259661046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135832773204296,0.0,0.0,0.2452369977200657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565669600852705,0.0,0.0,0.1957322748179455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769290972520159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709599826948038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858451463381854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389899420286137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064681922304406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531998962548032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203254385463954,0.0,0.17597546849167786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074243671972666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000161600786425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403838036520721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChristianA009,2019/02/13,"23 yr old and disillusioned. Any advice? I'm 23 yrs old, currently enrolled in college majoring in Business Management, and unaccomplished in terms of being lost in life. 

What advice would you give for a wandering soul trying to seek answers of what I truly am and who am I? I'm soul searching at any given moment and would like to reinvent myself to be better. 

I feel mildy depress of being stuck in a limbo and experiencing episodic moments of sadness or emotional numbness personally stating of course. ",6.239120879120879,8.350274010989018,7.244835164835166,66.27516483516486,67.13186813186813,9.156043956043957,36.07692307692308,9.606745405546679,4.085303296703297,409,21,59,9,7,137,62,91,0.157,0.745,0.098,-0.7059,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,10,14,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,5,2,15,6,2,13,2,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,7,38,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44590614254214794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103101300617181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178695133495603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965118992352574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566467118649101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536339233588346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188696630878872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115453630466772,0.1114663312436109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490610897755617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788262677426322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921850982545808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490410679682282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32415337863275306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1Swanswan,2019/02/13,IMPORTANT QUESTION & NEEDS IMMEDIATE ANSWER PLEASE May I cross link an  OP from another sub here into this suicide prevention sub now  ....  please respond  ASAP,8.438846153846157,11.096358269230768,8.087692307692308,60.2323076923077,62.46153846153847,11.353846153846154,39.92307692307692,11.20814326018867,5.755138461538462,129,7,16,4,2,41,24,26,0.153,0.624,0.223,0.1258,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410254004370741,0.0,0.0,0.33003692182618044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23337896706196054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6909896188654777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35258573431253204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34427926280965543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zensama,2019/02/13,"Seriously feel like ending it, just need to vent somewhere There's comes a point in the down-cycles where no amount of laying around or distraction can wrest you from quaking terror that is the bad decisions and depressions that have got you into your situation.


Last year i left my job and moved to another country, i had support here and was looking at several forms of work i could engage in, making friends and even starting a good relationship.


All of that has since crumbled, and it is not the first time something like this has, the difference now is i have alienated my family by telling them i'm just going to do things my way and do leave me alone while i do them. The main reason for this was my father's laments and accusations that i won't amount to anything doing this and such other things. I suppose i took my anger out on him but he would not relent.


Next i have gone to some doctor who was engaged in non-SSRI treatment, cost me $200 for just the consultation and now my money is running low and i need to sort visas and find a new apartment, all in the next week or so.


My head feels like it's going to explode and i have no-one left it feels like. How am i supposed to explain these things to my family and how am i supposed to get back to a normal way of being, when i have turned this into a last-ditch effort to get my life back together and it fails so predictably.
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suicidewatch,Aeterion92,2019/02/13,"My girlfriend [20] broke up with me [19M] and i'm thinking about suicide, please help me (i'm french, sorry for bad english)I don't know if it's the correct subreddit but i'm desperateOk so i know i'm young and a lot of you are gonna say it's only a breakup, it happens all the time with young people, etc. But she broke with me yesterday and i can't get over it. I'm alone and i need to talk, i feel like im going crazy and cant stop crying, it hurts so much. I'm not searching for attention or pity, i need advices and people to talkContext: It was a two years relationship. I met her in ""classe preparatoires"" (really hard studying years) and after a few complicated relationships which destroyed my self confidence, she was the really first girl for whom i fell in love. But this year we went in differents schools 600kms aparts after ours finals exams from last year. And so we travelled every 2 weeks to see each others, but the last months i felt something was wrong.The insecurities came back and i took a week to see her, so we can face the problem. But when i started the conversation, it went way too far than i expected. We didn't insult each other or yelling, she just admitted sh's not in love with me anymore and that she has no feelings now. She don't want to make efforts everyday to continue, and said to me that i did nothinf, just.. she changed. But i never ceased to love her, and tried to make her happy, and now i feel so much pain. She told me the bast thing for her was that i go away, maybe for a month or forever she doesn't now. So i respected her and left because i want her to be happy, but now i'm at the airport and cant stop crying, and really i feel i'm worthless. She admitted i did nothing wrong, and i dont understand, some girls are still in love with guys that mistreat them and i just loved her the best i could. I'm going crazy, and really condisering to end my miserable life.

TL;DR : My gf said she doesn't love me anymore for no real reason and i'm thinking about suicide, help me please

Thank you for reading all.",2.8126848739495784,4.357463716666668,4.090028011204485,87.7410504201681,74.92857142857143,7.4173669467787136,25.210084033613448,8.124751697461798,1.3775546218487396,1611,54,344,26,34,529,203,420,0.149,0.659,0.192,0.9808,1,1,1,0,1,2,55.0,5,2,1,3,19,25,2,2,15,0,21,9,1,3,4,80,73,38,2,8,16,0,6,1,2,1,2,4,0,4,17,32,0,2,14,2,0,9,14,13,0,2,16,12,60,12,39,54,11,54,0,6,2,6,53,12,0,6,33,218,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654764770682962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113100331207104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537371402485414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359791916224746,0.060234458871954076,0.06540610460461492,0.04775203460272643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220731179433535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895938941581524,0.0,0.0,0.08286760181286973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254379022691972,0.0,0.17209372180571358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184296636535635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180754764213968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938118942938602,0.0,0.08736376663957993,0.0,0.0,0.06600026455621634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843327502863042,0.05596224160800973,0.07521348399598475,0.08581170649891605,0.0,0.06663135611684523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092658637503214,0.0,0.13355804588805742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756355272269189,0.06927101287068739,0.16677724004352334,0.07017239971331712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050120392643476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385879104732187,0.0,0.0846147917114924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610127616680734,0.12770628032742748,0.0,0.0,0.08511075342172307,0.0,0.055330032464135266,0.03827032032599638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665972610297731,0.4242001162078843,0.0,0.10457788460092277,0.0,0.07869761731135505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505183327916147,0.0,0.115169863308849,0.11616820115229146,0.06041645943320199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516414489695075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595769801148308,0.0833535191034522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861467294659699,0.0,0.0,0.17197569697272372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495561642806546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835578125578797,0.08916190485498539,0.20073255846651444,0.08054099773006697,0.0,0.1682040520670547,0.0,0.0,0.14902825337337894,0.06229480436661002,0.0,0.07927877988262234,0.12484504096620515,0.0,0.08172005400350622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603057889248801,0.0,0.08768915210364384,0.05544562089539082,0.0,0.06255809901712181,0.1309824376311141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137063874319247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296237039754428,0.0,0.07211995926389309,0.0,0.0,0.0520420160559085,0.10038727529947426,0.0,0.0,0.04567752518372774,0.0,0.0,0.07485205082514565,0.08703260379965186,0.05318403970765442,0.0,0.07652150494059633,0.08154906331763202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240753303510278,0.062178345656050675,0.12567055451423922,0.0,0.0,0.14523388612200655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129313825727838,0.0,0.20177961210541387
suicidewatch,throwaway6121456,2019/02/13,"Feeling guilty that I want to buy a gun for myself because I'm 26 and I don't have a degree I basically feel like I have been systematically removed from the dating pool and I broke up with my ex 3 years ago now.

I have a okay job (although it doesn't pay much), currently trying to start a business, in shape, and honestly think I'm okay looking, but it still just does feel like enough.

I'm just ready to give up now. These years of loneliness and leads that go nowhere hurt. I'm intelligent, but uneducated, and women don't want to pursue anything beyond a first date. I've tried over and over and over and over. I can only take so much before I feel like no matter what I change, it just isn't enough.

I'm just gonna end it. It feels selfish, but right. I've posted here before to no replies, but I thought I might as well put this here for the people who find me.",3.7806721915285486,4.295170966850833,4.8958149171270735,86.82707412523024,71.37569060773481,7.580294659300184,25.028084714548804,7.492282038375204,0.9209664825046032,679,18,153,7,12,224,107,181,0.122,0.718,0.159,0.1759,2,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,12,10,0,0,7,2,10,0,0,1,0,30,30,15,0,2,8,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,8,1,2,4,6,3,1,1,2,6,14,7,19,26,4,27,0,2,1,0,4,10,0,1,15,92,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085145532420706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147425584033658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899845031027338,0.0,0.25121834098023743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561566964524803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917854995410108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074274022919827,0.3050507275861813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37319193954240654,0.3163677450923341,0.0,0.0,0.13491708970525956,0.12556092156318902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160539564742886,0.08389279112812771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802450525863876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464847344406252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635114315656506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395910429279185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565957859718275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702746298614967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122675713526228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023373920721636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137400286149987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483934659500159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126062080132362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448238880295654,0.0,0.11788522734036384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098782443473157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945854889829634,0.0,0.11718952068707672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044127651960209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741338565422806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327232724517974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011795290636005
suicidewatch,injectedwithacid,2019/02/13,Came to the realisation that no one cares about me and will never care about me Just about all the people on here who've killed themselves had lives that are 10 times better than mine (I wish I could trade places with my shitty fucking life). I'm not going to give you so bullshit sob story because I know you don't care and neither does any of my family or friends that I thought I had. Would of killed myself years ago if guns were legal here but I'm still here and fucking wished that I had have died earlier in life. I really want to fucking die bad but I'm too much of a pussy dipshit to go through with any other methods. Recently considered suicide by train and want to go through with it but I don't want to be seen dead. I live in Sydney NSW if anyone could suggest any platforms that are far out from central and in which most trains don't stop you'd be a real help thanks.,4.32047619047619,4.92781161538462,4.6535714285714285,88.71226190476195,70.20879120879121,7.3853479853479875,26.705128205128197,7.1686216300943375,1.0822952380952375,702,21,151,6,12,221,117,182,0.233,0.65,0.116,-0.9847,0,2,1,1,0,1,8.0,0,3,0,1,10,13,5,0,4,0,17,5,0,0,2,33,40,12,6,10,8,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,2,0,1,4,7,7,0,1,7,1,18,6,25,26,4,19,0,1,1,3,7,8,4,4,7,97,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680710976981013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458119831837024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842494053674985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060411215636332,0.07344958202155748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656360821644983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780845428572022,0.3685427374951634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240291176824284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009918180191953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544160575568427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358724304986614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309027051007523,0.33417317383146344,0.0,0.11558498145426707,0.20543172092469789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807619031876532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266608652663852,0.0,0.0662181496410376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702112922115326,0.0,0.0,0.21278974443982715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857400937877406,0.0,0.0929293113792832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164713826979966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353259076504592,0.0,0.1258863987880548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714399183884493,0.07718897550724223,0.0,0.11896933309730345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622346488684394,0.10073503020561098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179649716680494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109309981745208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565559640803246,0.07025868448194693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320436082583294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27711509357624403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559263474207429,0.0,0.0,0.07759160574473438
suicidewatch,lil_dogecoin,2019/02/13,"How is the death from an SNRI overdose? I probably could take about 10g of Venlafaxine Genericon, how would my death feel from an overdose? 
Could I make it more comfortable by not sleeping for 3 days and drinking a lot of alcohol before swallowing all these pills?",5.169081632653062,7.343260142857144,5.0813775510204096,80.45022959183675,70.0204081632653,9.797959183673472,32.65816326530612,10.125756701596842,3.6536081632653055,213,10,38,6,4,66,41,49,0.158,0.775,0.068,-0.6953,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,4,5,1,3,1,11,7,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,7,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33060279188181657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632354357840988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939841777630564,0.0,0.0,0.19950619680634965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030468069839822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641746928706368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26299967680008257,0.0,0.0,0.2064946022193244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33353335820108626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309575020617318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325939118760755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197545084274341,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomguy_38,2019/02/13,"I'm terrified, but I'm happy too I'm a man in my early 20s. 3 months ago I  began coming out as gay to my friends. All of them have been accepting  and it has warmed my heart so much. I used to be the guy who would go radio silent for 6months to as long as 2 years. I'm now trying to text my closes 5-10 friends (all of whom live in other cities) 1-3 times a week. so... in terms of relationships with friends...I'm more or less happy. But...I'm terrified. 

Recently, I've had serious suicidal thoughts and depression that have been much more severe than before. I've told my parents about the depression. I quit my job 2 days ago because I had an internal breakdown. I've been trying to confide some feelings to friends...but I don't want to be a burden to them (or anyone else). 

I'm scared that I will be a failure. My dream is to be a barber and be a writer (barber for a good day job). I'm working on trying to get into barber school...but my parents disapprove. I will, probably within the next month and a half, need to get back to work. The worst part is...I have a good life. My family is well off. My friends, whom I think care about me, are great. **I don't know if I should share the fact that I'm having suicidal thoughts with anyone.** Of course...one part of this is the fear of abandonment in regards to friends and family. I'm scared and I'm mentally trying to talk my way out of ending my own life. 

​",1.075223845704265,3.03609878305085,2.977241379310346,91.8354237288136,81.5084745762712,6.374050263004091,21.69783752191701,7.503015589744147,0.7421665692577437,1091,34,243,17,29,365,151,295,0.195,0.637,0.168,-0.9085,4,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,2,3,8,23,0,3,16,0,25,4,1,1,3,33,49,15,2,5,4,2,2,0,4,4,2,0,0,2,9,13,0,1,6,2,0,2,2,9,1,1,9,2,25,14,41,31,13,32,0,3,0,1,17,11,0,4,18,145,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725123942789987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543137611777767,0.11823785087359145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607770744712408,0.099701841985467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482256724010002,0.0,0.05931704022624965,0.0,0.08280052633331551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921029629402384,0.0,0.0,0.0838207937363957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255090755780507,0.0,0.1676196119529307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128695897465704,0.0,0.08618453304800046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346351006327585,0.10949668255382623,0.04920100801062606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007145401534311,0.0,0.1016770904330118,0.0,0.05530143407424482,0.16323187859457694,0.0,0.1072805807075751,0.0,0.09634857268846224,0.0,0.2071688115236819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530847854843015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931230508752364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347701835542667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746068785129514,0.0,0.0,0.08592327882115129,0.08611304670970144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806190158951487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533798060539114,0.0,0.14306270866943582,0.07215141635418505,0.0,0.0,0.10348639393659363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160943449160413,0.21074656233953915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491268976194744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349726769410733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607826923986627,0.10447059068463242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484123829824265,0.09847920857213074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992846432176136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287467971778645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821114825121875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062349972065928766,0.0,0.15450072563614695,0.0567401079618922,0.0,0.0,0.09298037553270963,0.0,0.26425846345431114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404143323654968,0.0,0.0,0.057393799027138474,0.07723724153674137,0.07805327458183964,0.0,0.08749008350909679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168034534763796,0.0,0.0,0.06912363036424336,0.0,0.11823785087359145,0.06266209109030565
suicidewatch,glassesnattitude,2019/02/13,"im just so lonely i don't know what to write really i just feel like im sinking so low from loneliness and i don't know what to do. its an awful empty feeling ive had for quite a while. i hate thinking about it, it makes me feel so pathetic and whiny. but things seem to just get harder and nothing i try seems to work. i just hate being alone",-0.5988304093567258,1.429650578947367,1.8322807017543847,96.96652046783626,89.26315789473685,4.956725146198831,16.339181286549707,6.42735559955562,-0.4290099415204685,268,6,64,3,9,91,49,76,0.279,0.6809999999999999,0.04,-0.9487,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,2,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,0,18,18,8,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,8,1,7,16,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21963809965413147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216832840900971,0.15150115119234386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079657947981147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187457435261804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581388444724741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330936374881419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360552792900196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155678410165956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034846023509952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255600194139784,0.0,0.0,0.13585594865229955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861167958715373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408883046191649,0.13588436895955489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397999453288035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438775418518555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throawaay220,2019/02/13,"Would you rather die or live the rest of your life as a junkie? In between these 2 right now, it's one or the other",1.1926923076923082,2.050433653846156,2.187692307692309,102.53230769230773,77.84615384615384,5.2,16.846153846153847,3.1291,-1.2210153846153844,89,1,24,0,2,28,24,26,0.151,0.8490000000000001,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157811300975331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35102782831875673,0.0,0.0,0.4388376406095742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367628229937984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244135579791727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35303646783024883,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoodPick,2019/02/13,"Med school I've been feeling very overwhelmed. I'm applying to medical school very soon and I barely have time to eat. But I have to apply for more jobs and more volunteering positions because I am so anxious that I am not doing enough and that I am not good enough. I feel that I have nobody to talk to and have been considering suicide for the past two weeks. Everything I do is for medical school. I feel that I have not enjoyed anything in years. If I have free time I am so worried about filling it with medical school related activities that I can't relax or enjoy it. If I enjoy my free time perhaps I am not enough. 


I don't think I will ever be able to be happy. After this if I get into medical school I will have to survive medical school. Many people commit suicide in medical school. And then residency. And then I'll be a doctor but I doubt I will be happy. I want desperately to die. It might be enough then. 


I am empty inside. It hurts. I have trouble sleeping. This is too hard. 


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suicidewatch,wowwowbear,2019/02/13,"I am Scared I Might Kill Myself I really don't know the correct way to phrase this but I have been suffering from Major Clinical Depression for about 5 years. About 4 years I began counseling which ended about a year ago. I tried pills and I tried therapy. The pills never worked no matter how many different ones I tried. I self harmed for 4 years, I have not self harmed (outside of an attempt) since March 2018. I attempted suicide 3 times total over the period of my counseling and 1 time (a week ago) since it has ceased.

The deal is, I have no planned suicide attempts. Every attempt I make is solely on impluse. I am constantly depressed all day everyday. I can only ever think of how sad I am. Yeah good things happen every now and then but they dont make me ""Happy"".

Well, ever since therapy ceased I have developed basically what is a ""fear"" of death. I guess we spent so much time talking about how terrible it is and how it will hurt everyone I know I'm hard wired to be fearful of it. Before it was easy, I could slice a chunk of skin out my arm or even burn myself without much of a second thought.

Well my latest suicide attempt has me broken, I couldn't really ""hurt"" myself and in return im stuck in this state. I dont want to live, and i don't want to die. I cant find anyone who understands this. The feeling of being here when you dont want to and just not knowing how to cope.

 At the same time, when I am neutral depressed like I am now, I worry that I will become triggered again which sends me into a spiral of non stop panic attacks, tears, and grabbing the closest thing to me to try and just make it all stop. 

I dont want to feel that feeling, because being suicidal now feels a lot different than it felt a few years ago when I was just getting started with the counseling. Being suicidal now messes me up. It messes me up that when I impulse try to kill myself and don't succeed everything that comes after mentally just breaks me. 

I already feel like crap all the time, but I never know when something will trigger me to go into an episode. I dont like feeling like that and I'm afraid it will happen again soon.

Im sorry for the wall of text, just no one i know understands when i try to explain it to him and because of my other medical expenses I cant afford therapy anymore.",3.7417836812144216,4.922986946236558,4.969629981024671,83.79209203036055,72.01075268817205,7.965211891208098,27.439911448450346,8.405096225971981,1.8719854522454136,1810,64,360,29,34,600,220,465,0.255,0.66,0.086,-0.9984,3,0,1,0,0,8,48.0,1,1,1,8,34,30,4,5,20,1,40,7,3,10,9,80,76,29,9,6,12,0,10,4,0,5,4,0,0,2,25,18,0,2,18,0,2,3,19,21,2,3,8,10,57,9,46,57,10,63,0,7,0,0,11,12,1,4,49,254,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523898222344327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856842916261784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162204305718345,0.04344681431120332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068847236256821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575484568481426,0.0686241381195607,0.05287301145738826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053524512268814314,0.0,0.06714675381445369,0.0,0.04961040107088107,0.0,0.0,0.04007246744018832,0.06405930829309242,0.16055248781137918,0.0,0.06448717746869545,0.1298374265929398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641136268953048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055033898999058695,0.0,0.0,0.04104012709582512,0.11241082402924242,0.10470422670383173,0.059373444572841584,0.05584367392170832,0.0,0.0,0.13984015821128992,0.18850644377226755,0.08877969310545393,0.0596601372165172,0.0,0.05679101933361494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032463404554805744,0.0,0.035313221870681144,0.052116582884990034,0.0,0.0,0.06844961766027408,0.0,0.10989301155662362,0.06614474225206618,0.05566149542989242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330353738423167,0.0,0.13423470941258756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374881706941406,0.0,0.1707411250522312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142570404481727,0.0,0.0548670727922556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282565731820886,0.0,0.0,0.1244284391633266,0.06299597502149859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259530773520038,0.06261829816641565,0.06591629220669436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135396318804044,0.0,0.0958459592195835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842096876524092,0.047257095666333855,0.0,0.07290300397001458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961160250583614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622088015687508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296424358018211,0.0,0.0,0.15419819223270342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047835194582938605,0.0,0.06955597013937985,0.0439800574967462,0.0,0.0,0.10389666568887228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33983254328595075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049942423323924255,0.0,0.0,0.21317319687230304,0.0,0.08256056371715058,0.03981412840467973,0.0,0.04932890525267086,0.1811594992938764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531168831527668,0.0,0.0,0.12937117253252367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659728037617273,0.04932052654194364,0.049841611690236085,0.0,0.11173513968166826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989671899990229,0.0,0.0452356214059372,0.06310194750889847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006717389842066
suicidewatch,seminocturnal_owl,2019/02/13,"what do i do I'm so lost rn. Everything is shit and I can't think of a solution that works. I wrote notes to people for after, but when writing one for my best friend I broke down in tears and literally cried until I passed out. I don't want to type out my life story, but these are some important things:

​

Through 6th grade I was fine. Going to my town's Junior High was harder. I tried a little too hard to fit in and made ""friends"", but most of them didn't really care about me. I think this is when my depression started, but I disregarded it. I was switched to a different high school in 8th grade, which I stayed at until I graduated. By 8th grade I was already questioning my sexuality. Throughout 9th to Senior year I went from being bi to gay, but being in a Christian high school, I would get kicked out for being anything but straight (like in the rulebook it states this. You can't even have gay parents.) So I made a habit of keeping things to myself. All I did was try to fit in, to be the ""funny one"". I graduated and by then my depression was most of my life. I hate myself, I avoid leaving my room, started burning myself with cigarettes, and purposefully messed up my sleeping schedule so I could be up all night to avoid even my family. Some time before I graduated, one of my actual friends I made in the public Junior High School and I started talking again and eventually he and I became best friends. We tell each other everything (including some really, really personal things. So we are hella close friends). We hang out, drink, smoke, play games, etc. pretty often. At some point he got me to get a therapist. Seeing my therapist got me a psychiatrist, which prescribed me Paxil. Everything was okay with the Paxil, but after a while he doubled the dose. This fucked me up. I threw up a few times and started have moments of disconnection from myself. But I kept on the dose. A few weeks later this state of disconnection was about 80% of my entire day. Nothing felt real anymore. I wanted it to stop, so I quit the medication slowly on my own accord (my psychiatrist didn't know what was happening at this point). Everything came back and hit me like a truck. I sleep for well over the amount of hours I'm supposed to, I went back to avoiding any inkling of another person, burning myself, and all around feeling like shit. At the same time, my best friend left to go to boot camp so I have no way to talk to him or know how he's doing until he's finished. I quit my job because at this point I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried and tried, but there was no way I could keep myself together. 

​

This is where I'm at now. Everything is shit. I feel more alone than I ever have. I just hate myself so much rn. Every second of my day I just sit and try to forget everything and every one. I don't want to be myself anymore. I have rope in the corner of my room that I try not to think about. Last night when I wrote the notes to everybody, I was completely done. I was ready to give up on literally everything. I'm honestly surprised it didn't happen. But now I don't know what to do. I don't know what my friend would think if I go through with it. I'm so scared of making him sad. But I'm also so tired. I'm tired of making myself feel like shit. I just can't stop doing it. What am I supposed to do? I just want all of it to stop. I want everything to disappear. But I love my best friend too much to do anything. A part of me keeps wanting to grab the rope out of the corner, and a part of me is scared of even thinking about it. I'm tired of having mental battles with myself. I need some kind of advice, or anything that'll help even a little.

​

((Sorry for typing a lot. I'm slightly drunk and over-explain everything.))",2.5238786331500407,4.413949539473684,3.9254595443833473,87.12261979575806,76.6315789473684,6.9583660644147685,23.31696779261587,7.862644347479195,1.1254654359780043,2950,91,609,46,67,972,291,760,0.168,0.703,0.129,-0.9809,3,4,3,0,1,0,116.0,3,1,1,8,40,44,8,5,28,1,58,21,6,6,5,116,125,50,0,13,21,1,6,4,8,3,8,0,2,2,31,32,2,11,14,4,0,11,14,19,1,5,31,7,103,25,107,81,29,106,1,5,1,5,35,50,5,13,43,430,134,16,0.0,0.0,0.04542376780881214,0.0,0.0,0.04548580081300037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048209301878815086,0.05136646210225807,0.03722411921035111,0.0,0.15130299800086988,0.16968137923543253,0.03165398145397694,0.04880924378778438,0.0,0.0,0.0923254733414891,0.0,0.0,0.1149141887535114,0.04143725527028404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158450142901304,0.0,0.02837500040071545,0.0,0.03960860081564835,0.0,0.1953954443627265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323808302178777,0.04745840632574682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880429961992744,0.0,0.0,0.07432898252464341,0.0,0.051130380787156336,0.060038735180259685,0.0,0.08018280308981779,0.0,0.0,0.04863236137963711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763438176836679,0.0,0.0455989520200094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191290662334532,0.12297707028638437,0.04210499207067757,0.07843676395405519,0.0,0.3765060386628661,0.0,0.04388095858884742,0.0,0.070607633996511,0.06650726576419205,0.04469302002062589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28770063930393297,0.043032529618267534,0.0486384261719038,0.044652723743464136,0.07936226460549654,0.0,0.07445677646809748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823238228199598,0.0,0.041697529467589485,0.09191228658375787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031199892119734736,0.1967204874827401,0.0,0.0,0.045840034707934435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046191335787074635,0.12412100455302905,0.0,0.048472188906221715,0.10232543036378927,0.03794252732487485,0.0,0.049287214345667206,0.05057413118704473,0.0,0.06575592878514952,0.09096327422443733,0.0933058982893994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050812231718602906,0.03957312655110344,0.042011049258673945,0.13213346586677013,0.06214180279739812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468918355258497,0.04690905827877193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843572100595581,0.034514474426797094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736358641921071,0.0,0.044663701961897964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261675025158276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051685629459909864,0.10081308453734207,0.0,0.03227026255554881,0.0812871821367836,0.0,0.0,0.1320076545583128,0.0,0.0,0.04735566919904916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214399336574529,0.09901825853386573,0.0,0.052981388270402885,0.08945880224230457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320458663650487,0.14132604587339628,0.03709243089760565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112187423817212,0.0,0.0,0.09316248306466156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210625571831086,0.13178659533261475,0.04961357531132486,0.0,0.1167476972821179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482643619789593,0.04068467626395437,0.0,0.0,0.10809076148058867,0.09277252197057992,0.14912919420854784,0.0,0.0,0.0814268840799066,0.16049894387411098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961669305670145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472997278845536,0.07389467684819978,0.03733769738154857,0.0,0.041851905374244415,0.08630023016179725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033887225666341274,0.0,0.0,0.06613219512649716,0.0,0.16968137923543253,0.029975144629860576
suicidewatch,sauara,2019/02/13,Hello how to remind yourself in a really bad day that it's not all that bad I feel like I'm not contributing anything in the world. I feel like I'm making it worse. I feel like I'm not making sense,0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,80.81818181818181,6.218181818181819,17.81818181818182,7.1686216300943375,0.05260909090909127,156,3,36,2,4,54,26,44,0.222,0.623,0.156,-0.6353,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,10,8,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,3,3,3,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047373502511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154674012959216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045239956750668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773951689191947,0.5332182805899848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646464797602928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332145617070616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593846532477949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535436870343738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway8472391123,2019/02/13,"finally killing self at midnight just sitting here on the cliff, drinking some coffee and having a nice sandwich before i go, might as make myself comfortable, kinda nice breeze up here if a little chilly, i prolly shoulda brought a jacket or something but eh little late to go grab one now i guess

anyway enjoy your day/night nerds thanks for reading.",5.870625000000004,7.9795285625,5.442625000000002,78.83987500000002,68.0625,6.995000000000001,29.9875,7.554174236665415,2.1532850000000003,284,11,44,3,5,87,56,64,0.04,0.752,0.208,0.8859999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,8,5,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,5,5,6,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,6,3,28,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964621221821996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889868720115035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261747877646837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529180730366913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624291795974649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543406697939933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554348338120329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260443024258953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462805411263347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411438680486425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449275026399044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166655124887069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645046015419165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309427701073481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408584962388812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777429275110708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125635518591968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Coolinee--Kerman,2019/02/13,"I'm under 15 and every single day for the past year I've always wanted to end it all Every single day just feels like its encouraging me more to end it all, i feel like it's been that way for so long I feel like it's the complete norm and not feeling that way when I do for an hour or so rarely feels extremely weird. ",2.3914285714285732,3.0852867142857185,4.030000000000001,91.105,74.71428571428571,6.742857142857144,19.714285714285715,6.742157984588678,0.0036571428571425812,250,4,59,2,5,84,45,70,0.019,0.8029999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.8824,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,13,9,6,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,4,6,8,5,12,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,12,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558279853086739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963545050639596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24155404795876784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317405173020245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155748998542852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734598910031695,0.4013683636683004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442836793658252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744796385016206,0.0,0.0,0.16573267645378592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787753880810724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045977686383188,0.2973007053146001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059910159255
suicidewatch,Thrwwaysuicidenote,2019/02/13,"Sympathy for the devil/Agency in suicide Today is my birthday.

And the majority of today I've occupied my mind with thoughts of the recent verdict of Michelle Carter's appeal denial and the beginning of her time to be served, as well as revising my own ""note"". And I can't help but feel jealous of Conrad Roy. I've rewritten rough drafts of the note I intend to leave behind for the unfortunate soul that finds my body in a desolate parking lot with an RV hose duct taped to my exhaust pipe leading to the back passenger window.

I wish I had someone like Ms. Carter to care enough about me to support me and give me the push I need to finish what I've started and what will inevitably happen anyway. Because right now, I've got no one in my life that even cares enough to either indulge me in my suicidal wishes or extend a helping hand, much less send me a happy birthday text.

It's not my intention to throw myself a pity party with this post. I merely would like to share a different perspective on the agency an individual should have over how they decide to deal with their depression. I wish I had anyone even half invested in me as Michelle was invested in Conrad's wish. And while I understand some of the outrage and vitriol aimed at her, I also believe that in a free society we are entitled to the right to say enough is enough and end things on our own terms. We deserve that agency to make our own decisions as long as it does not bring physical harm upon others.

I understand there are alternative options for people who suffer through what the majority of subs here deal with. Don't get it twisted, suicide is not something that should be decided on a whim. It is something that should not be taken lightly, should be considered with deep introspection, and only decided upon in the clearest state of mind you can muster. For months I've calculated and contemplated each and every option, considered all possible avenues accessible to me. I am at peace with my decision on what I want to do, but I struggle with the strength to follow through with it. 

And as fucked up as it may sound, I wish I had my own Michelle Carter who understood my perspective and could help guide me to where I want to go. Ultimately, no one else should be held accountable for the choices I make as an individual, whether another person persuades me to do one thing or another.",10.22172799254774,7.6196366548672625,9.795416860735909,67.20594084769448,59.66371681415929,13.232603632976248,41.48858872845831,11.622719091009314,4.721980530973452,1896,80,342,42,19,617,234,452,0.123,0.72,0.158,0.9211,1,0,2,0,0,2,34.0,4,1,2,2,13,19,3,1,25,0,31,5,2,6,1,76,61,29,3,15,10,0,3,2,0,8,2,2,1,1,22,25,0,1,11,0,4,7,8,9,1,4,9,6,48,11,73,38,18,45,1,3,0,1,21,22,1,7,16,254,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777572946551634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777386368060745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926020672328902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516865819389918,0.0,0.05166371673901235,0.0,0.0,0.09548589773098426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413979055078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281956839983084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766716201624004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475011285329928,0.07299632718362711,0.0,0.0,0.08854726016509604,0.0,0.0,0.0741665929517399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079898806521959,0.0,0.0750646574018628,0.3502837452588719,0.0,0.11195510898581658,0.0,0.07140677881267811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04285289575203701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746131906542343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835137936087136,0.04427915131083564,0.08130134408912766,0.0481662202695104,0.0,0.06778350228059833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494545555910907,0.09021952844320168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042139552404126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973958219733917,0.0,0.0,0.0598624780738501,0.08281058619942679,0.0,0.0,0.0750023945189121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720526791802881,0.0,0.0,0.11314454456520087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114967359975405,0.0,0.06764782428621294,0.0,0.062302090836140224,0.06284214995595103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228939258839604,0.06445732104245568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058756006351330076,0.07400172498889909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955445617121283,0.0811684921986856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836818638935797,0.0,0.0,0.14475460495799886,0.0,0.06739778009218009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180965559546174,0.13049166271796028,0.0,0.0,0.05998753511111301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860065041444679,0.0,0.2781130964702311,0.09617497732374468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261023738184665,0.0,0.0,0.06728320980608739,0.04941927065651093,0.0,0.16066899024465595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764585631847977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999772397342813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620176048309035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873001079307022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020502111179345,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stinkykitty71,2019/02/13,"Everyone thinks I'm ok No one knows that I'm wanting to just die. Nearly spilled the beans at work but pulled back when she started to panic. Just desperately trying to find a lifeline but honestly? I'm tired. Really fucking tired. It'll sound so stupid, but aside from two amazing kids and finding the love of my life at my age, my job was my family, my pride. I loved being better at it than anyone. I knew I was the shit. And now it's ruined. Company pulled shady shit, and cost my my healthcare. Suddenly I'm written up 3 times in a week, never before in two and a half years. And people who I've always been close to are filing complaints? I was demoralized like never in my life and I'm broken. It's thrown me so low I can't get out. I manage ok on the day to day but when things go south on a certain way, I just want to die. Right now I'm just quietly sitting here wondering how. I love them, my boys. My husband will never be ok. But I just feel more than ever like I'm just not made for this.",0.7321844032744522,2.7944752322274904,2.8025872468763486,92.05188604049982,83.40758293838863,5.732098233520036,19.543515725980185,6.980632752743323,0.2709222748815168,778,21,172,10,22,262,127,211,0.18600000000000005,0.5820000000000001,0.232,0.9246,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,3,16,20,4,1,8,3,10,10,2,2,5,36,33,16,2,2,12,1,1,2,0,2,4,2,0,2,8,8,0,0,7,0,1,3,6,7,0,4,7,3,22,13,22,22,1,37,0,2,0,4,9,15,3,1,19,106,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088384649996735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146040698039357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057933190499288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130360701554984,0.0,0.0,0.1156845076147639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871405827529748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715054528075201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831868317287407,0.0,0.1249877462951214,0.0,0.0,0.12330930327407835,0.0,0.0661378605051237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391029042488138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092514420818368,0.06833910010718715,0.0,0.07433828452754006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298016637824954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718858357425784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477986865805326,0.12780734889181591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35416408714576386,0.12376883686524315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026497078079965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863540890724346,0.0,0.0,0.15346898314409713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068223940777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379566696639841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117049350128378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685345296756432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925829435700716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689961367494528,0.08381319655288673,0.0,0.0,0.07627220451700525,0.3006773109460136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880656159252319,0.0,0.2555507922682898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430184166536498,0.10382522865089053,0.10492217121134832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185013122232776,0.09522604612994998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423275877996092
suicidewatch,madoodle123,2019/02/13,"I don’t know how to ask for help and be taken seriously I’ve struggled with depression and bpd since I was 11, I’m now 19. I am viewed as a super outgoing, fun, happy girl; few know how bad I struggle with wanting to kill myself or hurt myself every day. I’ve on and off seen therapists, but none have ever stuck. My parents do not take depression seriously, and have repeatedly told me that I do not have anything happening in my life to make me feel the way I do. they do not take me seriously. i feel bad saying that because i know they love me and they are good people, they just don’t understand what i’m going through and i don’t know how to tell them. I am so desperate for help or to check myself in, but I don’t know where to go or who to turn to. I have lost all my friends in the past few months by either starting fights out of nothing or completely ghosting them. When i’m not at work, i’m in bed. I have no motivation to register for school, i never applied to any colleges and i failed most of my classes. I used to be a straight A student who had really big dreams and goals for myself. I have nothing to look forward to anymore, and every day waking up is harder and harder. I can’t control my moods anymore and I am so sensitive to EVERYTHING. I can’t take this anymore. I don’t want to die but I feel this is my only option. I have struggled with keeping myself from committing suicide for 7 years and I can’t keep fighting it anymore. all I do is lay in bed contemplating killing myself. I literally have nobody left in my life that cares for me and it hurts so bad to say that. I have alienated myself from everything I have loved and everyone who loved me. my old friends know I am struggling with this and I feel angry they have not reached out to help even though I am the one who caused them to not speak to me. My parents do not think there is anything wrong with me and just think i’m a homebody, I can’t bring myself to burden them with their screwed up daughter wanting to kill herself. I don’t know where to start or who to turn to but I know i need to seek help now or it will be too late. I used to play cello and bass, paint, draw, hike, hang out with my friends, go to concerts, go dancing, and enjoy certain parts of life but the past 6 months have been absolute hell for me and I can’t take it anymore. someone tell me i’m not alone in this? please? ",2.6389541976840363,3.9814907479838766,4.024838709677418,88.8585401157982,74.98790322580646,7.022663358147229,26.22601323407775,7.61054688173877,1.2564813482216708,1865,67,407,24,39,616,208,496,0.195,0.653,0.152,-0.9832,2,1,0,0,3,7,44.0,0,0,10,7,18,40,7,4,8,0,46,8,1,9,6,89,101,39,6,4,22,3,4,0,3,1,3,4,2,1,18,29,0,3,16,4,1,8,22,25,0,1,8,11,76,14,64,89,8,46,1,6,3,4,39,21,2,8,18,279,94,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077325250204128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646935622027106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33884404993007383,0.0,0.0,0.11246586004174383,0.0,0.06388291841963575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116771273807033,0.041655676183683314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606408258728486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967090672002707,0.0701976797507393,0.0,0.0,0.07164673383715252,0.0,0.07664221499567206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813935068997404,0.0,0.11771167696354552,0.0,0.07091974007345066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045133858550875365,0.061811872798016775,0.11514841917266525,0.06529591496565987,0.1228281030347972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820657603846387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838367179874732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534278996413098,0.05731518507712896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604273913156438,0.07274264608679915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832109370575027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630558358755066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147651806727013,0.2268038169340563,0.0,0.30043594237148064,0.0,0.07708355084053398,0.0,0.074244919902998,0.0,0.14479864165371772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057383217447394996,0.0,0.07459446134799126,0.0,0.1850218825736439,0.0,0.045613370541722605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908684240556496,0.0,0.0,0.050668678416527085,0.05270327204383474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113632985481485,0.0,0.07170487279590189,0.0,0.046304780224521586,0.051970966521360254,0.0,0.0,0.15175329083537648,0.07399889242750332,0.13046476975209725,0.047374082410320886,0.0,0.0,0.07501003888272026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043776409343435546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868362867509104,0.0,0.06915749685856255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652646072287217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789904306454202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673409097797044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857494765211875,0.0,0.07474613274875852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551418146772935,0.0,0.11945358069820773,0.0,0.0,0.07934085806338215,0.0,0.08757113424855857,0.06713765338290376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529591496565987,0.0,0.0,0.14865519633575347,0.0,0.07113794004597271,0.0,0.11803699967366675,0.0,0.0,0.12091521246374752,0.054240223559766335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974785124883812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747123296325963,0.0,0.044004754207124616
suicidewatch,VIIIXVIIIMCMXCI,2019/02/13,I need to die I’m in  excruciating    pain and I really can’t take it anymore so hopefully tomorrow I won’t be here I’m gonna stop being a pussy and do it I can’t take anymore Forrest ,-1.7814285714285705,0.13193085714285854,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,97.57142857142857,6.609523809523811,21.285714285714285,7.793537801064563,1.3439714285714284,144,6,34,4,6,56,29,42,0.317,0.602,0.081,-0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,13,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5966704074788801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31220638385604393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987847363362749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230561596363028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200964752654347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927146721795784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515011787046301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523623419990117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Leo_890,2019/02/13,"I think I need help I've never really been a sad person, but lately its been so hard. I've only ever had one person who I can honestly talk to and to laugh with, and she recently left. I didnt think it would be this hard. I know I need someone to talk to, and dont think im really socially awkward or anything, but im having a hard time getting out there and making friends. Everything I use to do for fun or entertainment just seems bland and boring to me. I can't focus on school and my grades have dropped from As to Cs and Ds. I've been thinking about suicide lately, something I never even considered before. I cant work up the courage to go to a group or talk to a family member or friend because we arent really that close. I recently downloaded an app to help me cope when I have suicidal thoughts, but couldn't think of anything to enter under reasons to live besides not hurting my parents. I really dont know what to do, and dont expect anything. I just needed to say this, even if its screaming in the wind. Reading through this reddit many people need help more than me.
I hope you're all doing better than me
Goodnight ",4.47337643678161,4.969271193965522,5.70062068965517,81.7397816091954,69.81896551724138,8.600459770114943,28.82873563218391,8.648137234880735,2.088785287356322,895,31,179,14,15,300,135,232,0.109,0.69,0.201,0.9765,2,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,2,9,14,0,1,7,0,21,0,0,3,4,47,39,19,2,9,11,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,9,12,0,0,10,2,0,2,11,5,0,1,6,5,23,9,29,30,2,19,0,2,0,0,17,7,0,7,9,119,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23190548240073997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057262886571507327,0.0,0.07993313775267458,0.0,0.0,0.0830792993234207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302790277384289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408849211025835,0.08497104320663315,0.0,0.0,0.08442416948005341,0.0,0.0885550773158341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515038627625773,0.0,0.04907800249455036,0.0,0.053386341168684924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524462590126826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888911920632701,0.0,0.0,0.09330025088285956,0.0,0.0,0.10056108561062978,0.0,0.2029353203630936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325021021241286,0.0,0.2119291790557709,0.0,0.10206240340857416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294774908223145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270341770368157,0.09523698027519592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27861122907713365,0.14489941182016108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365387915018354,0.0714430261028861,0.0,0.0,0.10430549058477373,0.0,0.0,0.06512381879312887,0.16404365197114612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396203222754086,0.0,0.2407127952202521,0.09658248189302343,0.18550214280700145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470216392069208,0.0,0.0950688660224522,0.0,0.08551636323043706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575654585700333,0.07959218621212466,0.07231699297297596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550281322417002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265080705571836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30095393874422804,0.0,0.07457517682585851,0.0547751936692061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113107195462846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838697205818701,0.0,0.0,0.06672987374051129,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,telephonecamera,2019/02/13,"i don't even know why i'm suicidal there are little things, like how i only get to interact with people my age three hours a day (sometimes not even that), that i never get to see my boyfriend, other whiny shit like that. but logically i know these things will change in time. so i don't know what i'm so upset about. 

today i got home, crawled into bed, and cried. i cried from then until now. that was almost six hours ago. i've been crying for so long i have the worst headache, my eyes hurt, i feel physically exhausted. 

i've been fantasizing about killing myself and wondering how i would do it. i feel a deep desire to cause myself physical pain.",2.956783216783218,4.762764692307698,3.9052447552447553,88.11339160839161,75.15384615384616,7.18881118881119,21.81818181818182,8.00094639256281,0.8973076923076921,510,13,107,8,11,164,87,130,0.301,0.654,0.046,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,2,1,3,0,10,4,2,3,1,20,22,10,2,2,2,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,10,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,4,4,16,2,11,16,1,16,0,1,2,0,1,4,1,2,14,68,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273104065232466,0.0,0.14993797066404524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538190886751662,0.15839977303739233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493430590704357,0.0965666860193474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197797107122088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514210273803792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646071205583076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975675592798865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019641098105316,0.0,0.2949176211302022,0.0,0.1602944115491822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565958947514614,0.0,0.24687131589466385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630591259042974,0.1500738041335038,0.0,0.1325107607634933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548486082115335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388021279719028,0.15932859427584234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380739376362416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931940662737768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537008230234585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809174108677242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378578412039246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895455766366799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873116810879951,0.0,0.1419312694280261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351125453135977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238121735176547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636744600593112,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tristannnn_,2019/02/13,"Just looking for some support ig It's been one after another the last 3 months.. Lost my deposit on a room I rented because their ass hole probally tweakers. Lived their a week and found a eviction taped on their garage. Try taking them to small claims but it seemed impossible to serve them so I gave up. (It's my first time moving out) but I found another place. In then I cracked my phone.. my Tv Randomly broke. Thought I needed a $1000+ repair ended up costing $300 Ish but my dad paid for it and now I kinda owe him. Found out I needed a new muffler. Accidently broke my bed room window.. Luckily my roomate was cool about it. Got a flat tire ended up being a $30 repair because a bolt broke off drove around for a few days in the snow with a spare tire (fun). Bought new tires today with my creditcard because I can't really afford it right now. In then they told me I need new brake pads. On top of that I've been really depressed about just being single... Last year was really good for the most part, my friend and I had a thing for each other and we almost dated but she ultimately decided that she didn't want to date becaue she was sure how she would feel about dating a trans person.  I was really ready to date her. I have also been slacking on my transition, got really lazy with my hormone shots and don't see myself having top surgery anytime soon. I thought I was OK with myself I'm definitely more comfortable with myself now so much so that I've re questioning my identify again  (I am FTM). So I've been pretty depressed lately, I've had depression since I was 8 or 9 so I'm use to it on top of having anxiety. But it's been getting worse and I'm kinda scare for myself. I see a semi turning on a intersection and I wanted to speed up and crash into it. ",1.8172018890200723,3.89395575757576,3.6355733963006713,87.46998347107441,79.57851239669421,6.572813852813853,21.390712317985045,7.658307877764058,0.8846675954348688,1392,40,286,22,35,467,197,363,0.136,0.737,0.127,-0.3722,5,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,6,5,18,16,0,1,17,2,23,4,1,2,1,52,55,23,0,6,8,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,5,1,14,19,0,1,9,1,6,2,3,8,0,2,27,5,48,8,41,25,8,57,0,7,3,1,20,27,1,9,28,183,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674648693130716,0.0,0.0,0.07726339622554651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261959300819185,0.07391060814867458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600829624349551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668777223216714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230901742630255,0.0,0.2496444167259504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711453469586303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885170974937659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218111173020318,0.0,0.3178017916518704,0.07464491088180521,0.0,0.050477621402816086,0.0,0.0,0.0810365140611098,0.15454451425493648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750908737070848,0.10898651453647384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531327400404266,0.0,0.08113270333664395,0.0,0.10546725283662306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711758608634549,0.10268700735752047,0.07102352372912259,0.21491755101723706,0.0,0.27993561302730696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546917660147959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462519275892232,0.0,0.0,0.08436094519794599,0.1009426545575321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829271747643137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823149360319936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094718796188449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250912595513088,0.0,0.0,0.09672898996804263,0.0,0.15398012074996129,0.08795514054124408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992135632170691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963814684913367,0.09105898395216568,0.0,0.07264284689064361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418705824710656,0.0,0.0,0.15340386122201072,0.056337286518682826,0.3331359816534989,0.09158021575221377,0.09232026947356377,0.0,0.06559559589052605,0.1050899416263628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344478841788862,0.0,0.0,0.11397267352255387,0.0,0.0774991421727968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845946870434387,0.06863289318478827,0.0,0.0,0.062217227044850075
suicidewatch,HaphazardThings,2019/02/13,"I wonder about the things I'll leave behind. I wonder how long all my possessions will stay where they are, like they're artifacts of my life even though they're just things I haphazardly put around my apartment. I wonder how long it will take before they're picked up and moved elsewhere, or if they will just stay on my tables and in my cupboards to decompose over millions of years because my image is somehow so connected to them. Is everything I touch a sacred relic when I'm dead, or will most of what I have end up buried in dirt before people try to move on from me?

My body dysphoria has gotten pretty extreme today, and it's giving me intense suicidal thoughts again. And there's nothing I can do to change it because I feel that nothing about having a human body will make me happy. This place I've been assigned to by life is disgusting. I'm lucky tonight because I live near a river and we just had a large flood. If I jump into it as the brown, opaque barrier of water as it sprints to wherever, I'll drown even if my body tries to fight my mind and spasm to safety.

I don't know if this will all go away after getting some rest or if this is the truth I should be pursuing. The more that time goes on tonight, the more the urges feel right.

Also, don't tell me to go visit a loved one tonight or contact someone. Asking for help as someone who's suicidal is the most embarrassing thing anyone could ever do. It forever changes how people see and treat you, and you're treated as the most fragile thing on Earth. It's like being in middle school and going to a teacher about being bullied, and they tell the bullies not to bully you.",7.591037234042556,6.1546017112462055,7.385606003039516,78.7354910714286,63.80243161094225,10.048708206686932,33.632408814589674,8.660442795831766,2.5761199088145896,1309,43,258,15,16,417,180,329,0.102,0.794,0.103,-0.395,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,2,4,0,21,11,2,1,15,0,27,7,3,5,4,52,47,30,4,7,13,0,4,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,18,13,1,1,7,0,0,8,3,3,0,2,4,6,32,8,41,32,9,42,0,0,2,1,18,19,0,18,15,181,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790916420814897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915435800979701,0.0,0.0,0.08804346838018076,0.09245972510203572,0.0,0.09292138907688116,0.0,0.0,0.1808686483411633,0.0,0.1683160996426602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295724300683768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924973851357428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896494808782002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875975376881552,0.0,0.0,0.13064726088423098,0.0894622366718608,0.0,0.0,0.08888645761924963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001532760189467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167204860451673,0.09487550865406737,0.16862432100768046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528268317674133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629171496498318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543537797928388,0.0,0.0,0.10472260456164613,0.0,0.0,0.1397143705354557,0.09663673553784176,0.0,0.0873320001703054,0.17504975864738298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926263245231884,0.0,0.06601764298809272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986250855184656,0.0,0.0,0.2102336793125576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979766906734244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701834162218692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713195154444008,0.0,0.1033312110913917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006185698486348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942351065493042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446149894122912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009378573290376,0.07881183841873217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759815418116605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083207469500936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636478286709704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436175895353092,0.0,0.17288886461416456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26282354051971263,0.0,0.09717040375336117,0.07851689078144693,0.057670368102518375,0.0,0.09374723348783863,0.0,0.0,0.1342955046177515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217639768557477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368944277791169
suicidewatch,Charleoxx,2019/02/13,"i want to fucking kill myself my family hates me, my boyfriend hates me, my friends hate me, everyone hates me and i'm a narcissistic fuckup failure disappointment and i can't handle living anymore  
i should just kill myself, i could right now but i'm too pussy to  
my personality is just anger all of the time because that's what people expect from me anyways, so i might as well act like what everyone's expecting because like i said i'm just a narcissistic cunt   
i have so much work to do but i'm just a stupid lazy brainlet fuck that somehow got this far in life without exposing myself  
i cry all the time whenever i'm not talking to anyone but that's almost always because i'm always in my room

i've accepted my fate as a useless idiot who will probably kill themselves before 30  


i just want to talk to someone  
",2.6193328220858882,4.95861793865031,4.309505368098161,82.31063842024541,78.20245398773004,7.0197852760736215,26.75191717791411,8.07648339933343,1.9337487730061351,656,27,123,12,16,220,95,163,0.29,0.594,0.117,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,12,20,13,0,6,0,8,3,0,0,2,24,24,9,3,6,10,0,0,2,1,3,1,1,1,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,15,1,0,2,1,23,5,13,18,3,9,0,2,0,2,6,5,3,3,5,78,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593373771312394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209290212826784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247233596191825,0.08793659503654462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299923467112636,0.0,0.1070152707535109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004117290930047,0.0,0.13814503494165098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24034436743410995,0.0,0.0,0.11855840821455785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971643821577032,0.23253221338169586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058436714607616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.496660726800992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174152390798537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888303092975107,0.12288315188235807,0.0,0.11105126204222188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341494390293954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245046608375396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718840892012993,0.1098116270964198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559406440435284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074011362743357,0.11962965908077153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655880147866932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216748797838247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666713570592818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835685748510807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307627366139188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123129408256575,0.0,0.0915571505958402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peace-and-sleep,2019/02/13,"Do you guys believe in an afterlife? Personally, I’m going to commit suicide with the notion that eternal nothingness awaits. But it’s always fun to romanticize a conscious existence after death. 

So I’ve been watching DMT videos and basically it’s a chemical that exists inside most living things. It’s stuff that’s released when you dream, and it also prominently occurs right before death in cases. 

It’s called the spirit molecule because once you smoke it your conscious mind gets transported to this alternate dimension where a bunch of crazy, colorful shit goes on forever. Along with bizarre entities, patterns, feelings of immense love, fear, ascension, etc. 

Anyways, existence becomes a never ending spiral of amazing (psychotic?) eternity.  


Do you guys believe in any sort of afterlife  theory? Do you guys even want there to be more after this? ",7.6714608150470225,10.05627643448276,7.617115987460817,63.92993730407528,63.9655172413793,11.065830721003136,38.009404388714735,11.022393298168332,5.276793103448275,693,36,92,21,11,222,104,145,0.15,0.7140000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.7319,0,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,0,6,0,0,7,6,1,1,7,0,5,2,1,0,2,15,11,6,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,13,5,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,6,4,17,9,4,15,1,0,2,1,12,6,1,2,7,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751106997380486,0.14307900174236007,0.0,0.0,0.11693420693368466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482119519229637,0.1899090180095379,0.14631967643200952,0.3874651905023777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755836445406964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229967184343024,0.0,0.19177349220505846,0.1135735974151812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934953782438448,0.08694480447217763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983855315615563,0.0,0.09772507855078506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107826944376347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183800045519313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519465488591164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362391322061693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262106085660982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831247565429872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014307427422452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684726205372325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650769164863014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968455008166552,0.18808910786078906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423819672985293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014225690915172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnoriginalNameHere99,2019/02/13,"wanting to end it, but not wanting to die I spend most of my days thinking about wanting to end my existence but can't figure out how I'd do it. I want a way that will let me gamble with my life. I've considered overdosing but I wouldn't want to destroy my organs should I survive, jumping doesn't necessarily sound bad either but I don't think I could convince myself to do it. ",3.0990295358649784,4.3550374050632925,4.780443037974685,84.2404535864979,73.68354430379749,7.2919831223628675,28.356540084388186,7.793537801064563,1.7100109704641349,301,12,62,4,6,102,51,79,0.027000000000000003,0.7809999999999999,0.191,0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,0,21,17,5,1,8,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,12,1,9,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422996540107265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573003674903815,0.0,0.0,0.15002218667124015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414252975699605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120687542490975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378721377619136,0.1643080620091072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981100483814639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6860335152469886,0.18464481256721316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeterTato,2019/02/13,sometimes i have really strong urges to kill myself sometimes i’ll have a strong urge to just kill myself and then i’m like “what am i doing?”. but i can’t help it. should i tell someone? a teacher or something? i don’t want to get put in a hospital or something but teachers are mandated reporters. and i don’t want to tell my family or friends. i’m so scared. ,-0.2485090909090885,2.0463660400000023,1.8584242424242416,93.88254545454548,95.26666666666668,4.860606060606062,21.484848484848484,6.574015621080383,0.5832666666666664,283,11,60,4,11,94,46,75,0.129,0.645,0.226,0.6698,0,0,2,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,2,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,14,9,2,3,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,5,13,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046733993059557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677398059502467,0.0,0.11343179754538713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455252616051143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804034129179062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606971193336244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825702360242588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908718604144374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736648641317846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395786897828573,0.3342860788563129,0.4294576490768984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795300402905164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561159751476639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wedeadinside,2019/02/13,"I don’t even remember what happiness feels like My husband and I have been going through some shit recently. Tonight was a particularly bad night. 

The situation with my husband and I has been eating me alive. He cheated and refuses to stop contact with the other person. This makes me want to die and I’ve told him this. It just eats at my head when they are out together. He’s told me that statement is abusive and manipulative.

Tonight, he wasn’t getting what he wanted so he started threatening to kill him self. He had to go to a work event so he said he was going to do it after. As someone who does want to die, I tried to talk rationally with him because I don’t want that for him. So now apparently he’s all fine, but I’m here alone left with the wreckage. 

I still want to die. He’s fine, going to see his other person after the event. But the really fucked up part is that he has told me (trying to “help” me not want to off myself) that I don’t care bout him or what happens to him. That he will be arrested and charged with some crime if I kill my self. 

I don’t know if that’s true or not but it’s enough to give me hesitation. I love him and would never want anything like that to happen. The sadness I can handle, but not that. But the real confusion I have is that in him threatening to kill himself, if this arrest thing is true, he would be okay with that happening to me. He’s even said he doesn’t give a fuck about what happens to me if he dies. 

Tonight he’s at his event, and has left me here in a deep depressive state with his gun. I wish I didn’t know it was here. I don’t want it to be here. But it’s all I can think about. It would be so easy. 

I just want to be done. ",1.075679174176635,2.901917011142064,2.8917294773062463,93.13673562182535,80.83844011142061,6.229100442405374,21.143781746681963,7.285733465282438,0.4371483860396528,1313,38,307,18,34,437,150,359,0.21,0.6579999999999999,0.132,-0.9916,1,1,0,1,0,3,36.0,0,0,1,1,17,21,7,1,11,1,37,7,2,2,5,65,75,26,7,17,17,2,1,2,0,4,0,2,0,4,28,16,2,2,6,0,0,4,12,11,0,0,14,4,44,10,41,52,6,31,0,2,1,3,49,10,3,9,18,206,72,1,0.0,0.0970846088064022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486434823483523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742901854650178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684158485813308,0.04994940439550482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354252320895621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057415331344732,0.0,0.3401600070955465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170558716666722,0.08385229830756312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768861152818085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466514581932626,0.0,0.10824019961871352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04143094524634905,0.058537414378524215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150302686939784,0.042809874602857664,0.1572071840793217,0.18627184928241994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898344218042287,0.08722585201034029,0.0,0.0,0.08409330682276836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492215001151015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719609092534842,0.0,0.09006333443181393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805446307936018,0.0,0.0,0.08006275427684324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395336947547912,0.0,0.054695083593984534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319659862621471,0.0,0.0,0.07689443252632977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873221950310434,0.0,0.0,0.14309237974914302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326480178963746,0.05249237975723749,0.0,0.08090512111827425,0.0,0.09282119366932297,0.0,0.15588597545700492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529497109258567,0.0,0.17096100966598682,0.0,0.0841094594743034,0.0,0.09210314666839384,0.0,0.0,0.06942685802028524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799702071554463,0.0,0.0654367884429754,0.06850487942949304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585966287825859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443679472843887,0.052503360870512716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348893856106779,0.0,0.11126274006312356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349690173042392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422609014354512,0.0,0.0,0.059652747656247875,0.0,0.0,0.17462187020017902,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nicholas_Thomas77,2019/02/13,I can’t do this anymore I keep thinking in my head that I should just end it all. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless and lost. It feels as though the only way out is through death. ,-0.6997674418604625,1.2699227441860472,0.9360930232558148,103.66879069767442,89.0,3.44,20.227906976744187,3.1291,-0.8187079069767442,150,5,38,0,5,48,34,43,0.218,0.782,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,10,12,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,5,10,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5808006093625933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593529887072334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961187587535569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005194002668156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602732574589862,0.0,0.0,0.16092707179729004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196493240395432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227039919322628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762823245912236,0.28769569661922684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324281251358604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwMeAway4025,2019/02/13,"Today is my day, boys and girls. It’s been a long time coming.

:)",-2.11785714285714,-0.2880584999999982,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,98.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.5074571428571426,47,0,12,0,2,16,14,14,0.0,0.8,0.2,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830848318298231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36167356550819946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962957857323032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270105697039578,0.0,0.5315786467069444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twinistix,2019/02/13,"I don’t know where else to ask, but...do calls to the suicide prevention hotline go to the call log? I’m having a pretty hard time rn and I’m nervous to call the suicide hotline because my dad and I share a call log and I don’t want him to know. Usually I am really happy and okay so I don’t need to hear a lecture from him about how suicide is never an option. And, if he doesn’t remember the number, I’m going to get the lecture about staying up so late in the first place. 
 
I tried a messaging thing I saw on the website but the wait was so long I just have up hope.",2.131324444444445,2.8130261680000004,4.269866666666669,89.18737777777778,75.32,7.1555555555555586,25.88888888888889,7.3871296695380915,1.109302222222222,441,15,102,5,9,153,73,125,0.093,0.789,0.118,0.2331,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,13,1,9,0,0,1,1,19,24,11,3,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,2,3,11,4,14,22,0,15,0,0,1,0,12,6,0,3,6,63,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348752858455256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794715976275796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5892732976310432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205211376074236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271809087026472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537641192494354,0.0,0.16398674104730326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535807290404138,0.12923979679330458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626055612003946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329511768593078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857675497636706,0.0,0.16274563233494185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276765976142634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697620982111468,0.1112718244212494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073402627290475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677697078080332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242463978714817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343258639016936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377525894930716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734320035653385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584821963133017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412643855538125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795153810537087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588957451025603,0.0,0.08509564187927299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sloppyandmessy5,2019/02/13,"No one cares 6 years ago,I was raped by a friend,he tied me up,I was his cum dumpster for a week,I’m a male, ever since then I can’t socialize,I feel like everything is out to get me.I haven’t sought help,I don’t share anything with anyone,after this I developed a split personality,which says shit like you like him in you didn’t you,you want him to fuck your brains out yea?i keep hearing voices in my head,can’t talk to male or female,people I trust are leaving me,I have no one,two years ago,while returning home from univ on an elevator I was groped by a man,I thought I was recovering,not a single day goes by where I want to kill myself.Where are you,I thought you’d be here for me,where are you,why did you leave?",4.332222222222224,3.7754370700636963,5.268110403397029,88.36328379334749,70.01910828025477,8.761217268223637,25.724699221514502,8.167268648758528,1.104131493276716,568,13,138,7,9,187,99,157,0.166,0.706,0.129,-0.8105,0,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,5,0,0,3,10,4,0,7,0,16,4,2,0,1,11,26,2,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,8,4,16,6,16,16,1,12,0,0,0,2,14,6,2,1,9,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939272115544563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364317622847162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850774447422139,0.0,0.0,0.16903484453431986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692139762947142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996733644898164,0.0,0.0,0.14900214650833735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382884691081177,0.11844103288771768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808961731501914,0.15327099068634606,0.08661888844233513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014926649521658,0.0,0.18685836332651656,0.0,0.1111261275346654,0.0,0.16630176350679762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736254566476753,0.18342303715236066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35109719265603473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24299113856651144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468837266324626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493851640777865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184355666810113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018194878485984,0.13714392348534546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325642377193228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632388684834405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195359268792436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955755049261101,0.0,0.13298743807028218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960047587540465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352777325156005
suicidewatch,eriikmlg,2019/02/13,"My desire to live is fading as I succumb to angst and nihilism. I once developed a way of seeing things that protected me against suicidal thoughts for the longest. But it seems I've finally cracked. 
This world is simply not worth living in. All joy is fleeting and all sadness is stagnant.
I of course do not speak for all, only one.
If you're living a life of joy, I simultaneously envy you and pity you.
A blissful ignorance is how i'd describe an existence like that.
I don't speak from my dissatisfaction with my personal life. I speak from my dissatisfaction with all life.
I've met good people, people who made me not so cynical.
I've always claimed that I could absolutely never kill myself because I wouldn't want to harm those whom apparently give a damn about me.
I thought of the girl I loved, I thought of the companions I've made over the years.
These slow me down. They restrict me. They hold me in place. They're an anchor.
But I fear they won't be able to hold me down for much longer.
I've had good experiences, experiences that made me happy I was alive to witness them.
I've always claimed that I could absolutely never kill myself because I want to experience more things like those.
I think of the times I've been downtown. The people. The music. the food. I think of the first time I heard Tame Impala. I think of the first time I watched End of Evangelion or John Carpenter's The Thing.
These also slow me down. They restrict me. They hold me in place. They're an anchor.
But once again I fear they won't be able to hold me down for much longer.
I've always claimed that I couldn't kill myself when I have so much ahead of me. I think of what I wish to accomplish. Places I want to visit.
I think of travelling to England, France, and Japan.
I think of getting my own apartment downtown so I can stay where I love to be.
I think of watching my nephew grow up so I can be the cool uncle.
These also slow me down. They restrict me. They hold me in place. They're an anchor.

But once again, I fear these won't be able to hold me down for much longer.


I don't want to carry this weight anymore.
The weight of knowing that everything is fucked and hopeless.
And that I can't do anything to make it better.

",1.8159301936409271,4.18404372808989,2.9254745398039717,90.95208462825724,81.38202247191012,5.854649772890271,22.052354769304326,7.125416948008024,0.6435245039445374,1749,56,367,23,47,559,181,445,0.117,0.731,0.152,0.9682,1,0,0,0,0,4,53.0,0,2,9,5,12,25,6,3,21,1,29,9,0,5,6,60,58,21,4,11,9,1,2,2,1,4,3,4,0,2,24,8,3,11,12,1,2,3,13,14,0,3,11,10,72,11,54,35,10,42,0,3,3,3,26,19,2,3,20,241,96,1,0.21864019687244746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165643242975792,0.18192615869886786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227744164133393,0.0,0.0,0.05997408422463867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885402311233725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445649550884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637760419193954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455010619346607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549990364922571,0.2138720663057368,0.0,0.24603100707450115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983654954179115,0.0,0.12398349317820495,0.08812686464204265,0.0,0.0,0.06737644629579409,0.0380768262748384,0.0699131998502198,0.0,0.12225668254848612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758218505622037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418929835991803,0.0,0.040052978088657334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443203700980987,0.0712110374993002,0.0,0.19306329951246826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315542093070643,0.206882640779508,0.0486480097271038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143009356863072,0.0,0.11241919904574732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328446740250614,0.04938541861784675,0.05542857400869982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157758314320385,0.06363606218783018,0.3045766273839319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807597648854172,0.0663472745603878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768045295405514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971896287951169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452548316291104,0.32689022298718645,0.0,0.17357589396973996,0.12749085705421173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194620385005108,0.05784880380462554,0.0,0.177496571852442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380847872685745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693237279514062
suicidewatch,Burnerkid37,2019/02/13,"The actually try at school for a week challenge I used to be a straight-A student (top of my school) up until like fifth grade when I started failing math and all my other subjects followed, with that or maybe because of that I lost all of my friends and social status, my parents are constantly belittling me and talk about how much they sacrificed for me and what a huge disappointment I am. Maybe that's why I don't try in school anymore, because It's just kinda like I'm already so far gone what's the point, but it could just be laziness or depression or whatever label my therapist wants to slap on my forehead to make me easier to look at.

I've decided I'm going to kill myself when I graduate high school because once I graduate I'll move to Colombia or something and tell my family I'm going off the grid so they don't have to think about it. I know that it's still a really really shitty thing to do but I honestly don't care, they already act like I'd be better off dead.

Back to my point I thought just for the hell of it, starting next week the 18-22nd I'm gonna do something I haven't done since grade school: try my absolute hardest to do well in school. Who knows, maybe I can actually do something my dad can be proud of for once. I'm so tired of being a deadweight ingrown human.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm telling you all but I just really wanted to talk to someone about it and currently, that someone is shouting into the void of the internet. Maybe some of you would wanna do it with me?",7.835631603123565,5.535914421221868,8.212478180983005,75.74923633440518,63.95176848874598,11.586678915939364,37.00528249885164,10.125756701596842,3.4671385392742318,1199,46,247,21,14,399,152,311,0.136,0.7659999999999999,0.098,-0.9655,3,0,3,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,3,6,17,16,2,0,12,0,24,2,1,3,3,39,49,20,2,5,11,2,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,17,9,0,0,6,0,0,6,5,6,1,0,4,2,34,10,40,37,5,33,1,4,1,0,15,15,1,6,15,159,51,14,0.0,0.0,0.16736127529888484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925679263792802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504198190934309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593725063286293,0.0,0.1568190998705142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583981945852801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742889229004888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266640214867428,0.0,0.0684652215518081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385723834399703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775307801834561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083844147052832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625103472931974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746857541546586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090600673531486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487081200853482,0.0,0.14137957406960794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568086857887173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200927006197,0.0,0.09360738123927786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723947983200301,0.0,0.3445937500923786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113977644725504,0.0630368752750927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119719552246736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264410127103026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521637325908934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212488514150275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480292093997428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207077354277017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093413992640152,0.0,0.0,0.08741237840122383,0.14531314254681996,0.1980460019109,0.0,0.0,0.12139004383672927,0.0,0.06848088504913964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378468629117227,0.14990036346867575,0.0,0.0,0.09956355759368242,0.05696917545839642,0.0549457989308314,0.0,0.06807674104885604,0.0,0.09855819697723793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465796596561894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406135944361893,0.0,0.0,0.1011563609968306,0.0,0.13756861114650926,0.0,0.0771004761934671,0.0,0.15475393760243605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091507292652469,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hkdxc,2019/02/13,"I am depressed? Hey, just a teenage guy who’s bad at school, no friends, no girlfriend. I don’t know what to do in life. The only thing i’m good at is video games. Tomorrow I have no school, is there anyone here who plays video games?",-0.04462585034013955,2.1757164081632645,0.8398979591836735,103.58664965986395,89.0,4.082993197278912,18.37074829931973,5.46131890053228,-0.7274925170068034,180,5,44,1,6,55,37,49,0.247,0.61,0.14300000000000002,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,25,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972876227716412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623830630932685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706604230682489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278640104344454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635754181977199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111538696701435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270189620260873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219619022834371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389989531844569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360693464209681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087716989850343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,woopwoopwub,2019/02/13,"I'm bad at titles but I'm wondering Is anyone else too lazy/too worried about it ""going wrong"" to actually do anything??? I fuckin hate myself and all I do is ruin everything but I'm too much of a baby to actually do anything",0.2243262411347509,2.565365085106386,4.035212765957446,80.0841666666667,89.63829787234043,6.5375886524822695,22.72695035460993,7.793537801064563,1.6477120567375882,177,7,34,4,6,66,32,47,0.364,0.636,0.0,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,11,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,11,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.4957298883127133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760097474358455,0.2602504797081517,0.418036641053166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120773233264369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212182339321825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827659700704075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443526464482854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25076996999956663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671740570748607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27544948031984345,0.0,0.25794681528373914,0.0,0.0,0.27770641964837106,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,G3t5chw1fty,2019/02/13,"I wish that the suicidal urge would stay Just this afternoon, I had the strongest suicidal urge I've had for several months.  I was so ready to literally jump off a cliff.  Now I'm ok again.  But fuck, the constant cycle of intense emotions is so exhausting!  I don't see the suicidal urges ever going away.  So I wish they would stay for long enough for me to get the job done, fuck it!",3.33731601731602,4.802204051948053,4.5864285714285735,85.0377380952381,73.41558441558442,8.769696969696971,27.119047619047624,9.2995712137729,2.20722683982684,300,11,63,7,6,99,54,77,0.255,0.5870000000000001,0.158,-0.9229,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,2,0,6,1,8,3,0,0,1,7,16,4,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,1,7,1,8,10,1,13,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,7,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404137683513694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717740482552194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677831691770766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442761527534485,0.0,0.16940962586739988,0.0,0.0,0.14830693179029328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30314801742022873,0.08565986356861545,0.0,0.09317956046489267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627003105564525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509525796257258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308675353416866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065112587679067,0.0,0.0,0.1852227914077333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495090139059051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380213756367859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377080946915988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293824483577324,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoastedOrangeJuice,2019/02/13,"i hate my life so fucking much it physically hurts ive hardly ever felt happy in my life, even when i was young. i cant hold a conversation for more than 10 seconds. im the ugliest man alive, and i have a hideous personality. im so fucking stupid, im slow at thinking, i can barely keep coherent thoughts anymore.


i tried though. lord knows i really tried my best to make my life work out. but that was my first mistake; even trying in the first place. i always fail so badly, no matter how hard i try. not matter how much i study. im better off dead than trying to do anything else. even typing this post im messing up so fucking much.


i cant take it anymore, i really cant. meds dont help anymore. family cant afford therapy. i know my mom will be sad about my death, but if only she knew how bad im hurting right now she would understand. i laugh whenever someone tells me my life is valuable. are you shitting me? im valuable? what the fuck can i do right? nothing at all. i cant think of a single positive trait i have. i want to throw myself into fucking traffic tomorrow.",0.2938468930172995,2.63251886995516,2.7555333119795016,89.49205717488789,89.0,5.33818065342729,21.865631005765533,6.868970318607317,0.7494088404868675,840,31,174,12,28,288,134,223,0.231,0.629,0.14,-0.9801,2,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,0,6,15,22,8,0,6,0,20,10,1,4,2,28,38,13,2,4,4,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,2,8,0,0,1,8,16,0,3,5,3,33,6,16,30,7,21,1,4,0,5,9,11,6,1,8,109,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504107713648777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325615195516204,0.0,0.0,0.06432465346616283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130532101651534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203128167091914,0.06913222253999114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161096057963583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529836912922829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548853924096583,0.07070638674440738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368874511341146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505242972257048,0.0,0.0,0.13297735742559302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36131994475523777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321006036869014,0.14004427977911552,0.0771735768391205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239358874355565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735844923856585,0.0,0.5910352452399388,0.0,0.0,0.06947828368584856,0.0,0.0,0.0859169079161114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084621812140728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052176976238495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682574371643009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154806453203597,0.0,0.0,0.17238487594738094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500319627311318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944940821236285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825227431320606,0.08166771641306395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486223052185682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001513653997474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335081176442195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023714345151949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662305143937324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877173971010882,0.0,0.06832126816842495,0.0,0.0893905999519154,0.0,0.0,0.10017231650718833,0.07679852866965506,0.06205574387687514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26535078488946345,0.0,0.0,0.0813744426985295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610483061337384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056906394368566274,0.0,0.0,0.05552748421163013,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItzDomos,2019/02/14,"Please just put me in a coma. I have no reason to be this way, I’m extremely depressed and self harm, suicide is knocking on my front door. I’m extremely lonely, I have severe social anxiety, my adhd is so bad to where I can’t function. I’m only 15 and I wanna die so bad, does it ever get better? All I hear adults say to me is “appreciate what you have now, it only gets worse” like I don’t wanna be alive and I’m only 15. what’s it gonna be like at 20? I’ll be dead before 30. I have no future, I’m failing all my classes. I’m a sophomore but in 3 freshmen classes, my friends that I do have care too much for me to die. only thing stopping me are them. I love them and appreciate them very much for what they do. If only I didn’t have any friends I could kill myself with no guilt. Aw man. please tell me it gets better guys. Please. ",-0.9281325730577308,1.1082501092896209,1.9567593252554083,95.20503207412688,91.62295081967213,4.2755048705155625,17.246139225469232,5.7926816847441245,-0.473576669042528,642,17,149,5,23,224,102,183,0.229,0.574,0.197,-0.4635,0,2,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,1,4,3,7,16,1,1,2,1,20,2,0,1,3,16,33,8,5,4,3,0,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,4,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,1,2,26,8,13,26,4,12,0,3,0,1,16,5,0,1,6,91,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731520938212686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335739836199506,0.0,0.09377200883602174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046954004094821,0.0,0.0,0.10430504363413744,0.0,0.0,0.21682096273602144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497667275987108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786874070102222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557644807900787,0.0,0.2544336959182124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726903327983582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087902487613148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940726962204588,0.0,0.19212619455186206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213717173475666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815457156327146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561464770157478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977106097794175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106316364578746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021820308380496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661313295415463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036622540663538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322497537832973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603083366145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747912675993456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787582502315795,0.13847850702733466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495306670899226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248088721835896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408068607670684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713877404313588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814355279149987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113987545222412,0.0,0.09729689176418586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491768638625805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prm1834,2019/02/14,note for my loved ones in case i don’t make it through tonight I really fucking tried. I tried so fucking hard to be happy but it’s been 3 fucking years and it’s getting worse again. I can’t do it anymore. I’m sleeping with my knife in my bed and I’m not gonna hesitate tonight if I feel like I need to use it to do whatever damage I need. there’s nothing left for me here and i can’t keep putting on a fake personality for everyone around me. whatever needs to happen will happen.,-0.46081043956044,1.7569009134615392,1.943681318681321,94.35846153846157,92.75,5.279120879120879,22.813186813186807,6.868970318607317,0.7433071428571432,381,16,87,6,14,129,65,104,0.139,0.76,0.101,-0.7017,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,0,8,5,1,2,0,15,25,6,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,2,13,3,13,21,0,10,0,1,0,4,2,5,3,1,5,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713221652341076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537846498334345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507059125234114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734788858395286,0.12341305559709835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47911540875184105,0.09025505295303203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552555140871523,0.18389621471914064,0.15475059644433373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535486612844444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769402086357206,0.0,0.0,0.08439721202009456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591415158265756,0.0,0.11531235986652627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842771194150311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575884965530147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706027020972687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508391513785487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366205639759952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106684511125357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287534782723132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23457262113602004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920104371025153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604760911222705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112457157343488
suicidewatch,thelionwithsplitends,2019/02/14,"i i’m extremely fed up with the superficial nature of humans, and it’s not because i think it’s superficial or anything. i am certainly not mad at the system or whatever this attraction for “attractive” people. i’m just so sad that i’m not on top of this chain, i want to be pretty like the others, i want to successful like the other, i want to be rich like the others, i’m never going to be comfortable in my own skin because i hate it. i hate everything that makes me. it’s pathetic and surprising how i can go with my life. i’m extremely selfish and i hate that. i can’t even control myself or my desires. i eat whenever i want to and i hookup with strangers who treats me like shit all the time. i’m losing control over myself. it’s not me anymore. i dont know what to do or what to say to myself. i always considered myself quite mature handling my inner conflicts and i am putting my feelings out there for the world to remind me who i am. how much of a sad pathetic prick i am. i’m filled with nothing but vengeance and wrath for people who did me wrong. i can’t let go. i want to learn to let go. i think no one is capable of helping me. i can’t afford professional help. i know i will get through this but i dont feel great these days. and if anyone took their time to read this and if you’re feeling this way, it’s normal, it’s what being human is. insatiable. out of control. self-deprecating. it’s humiliating to be a human sometimes. it’s sometimes impossible to find the good sides of being a human. but i want to live. i wasn’t sure a minute ago but now i do. i just want everyone to see what i am capable of. i have so much to prove, so much space for growth. so many movies to be seen, so many books to be read, video games to be played. and also a lot of people to be proven wrong or right about me. i genuinely feel like everything is going to be fine, certainly not today but someday i believe it.",1.2707513268111796,3.242770376558603,3.5157605985037432,88.16979026791996,80.89526184538653,6.806087345738219,22.75087921222585,7.882392219407189,1.13029363770062,1495,50,323,27,39,513,177,401,0.114,0.7120000000000001,0.174,0.9199,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,1,7,14,31,6,0,13,0,33,6,3,6,6,67,69,29,0,11,19,0,5,5,0,1,1,1,0,4,29,15,2,4,11,6,1,9,13,12,0,1,5,8,51,19,47,50,6,31,0,3,2,0,12,13,2,8,12,221,80,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740160842922307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982769482057083,0.07265507330283047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659539988338437,0.0610543576986972,0.0,0.07185478190891473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645575559857792,0.0,0.0,0.0983768109765576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938016732270273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056312500691949874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467068964090587,0.0,0.0,0.08934750104405363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057672320501123135,0.0,0.0,0.08343551950181276,0.15695050129123989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660120815215666,0.062379569424992676,0.0,0.0,0.07980652352626133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561973864434828,0.0,0.2481224588922351,0.07323769403901903,0.0,0.09626774394607383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258623571248133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705402795753728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597472116733603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857591892948005,0.0616748633044325,0.2132943601878979,0.0,0.07710286568180033,0.0,0.0,0.09768583789488952,0.0,0.07423413266788254,0.0,0.0,0.058285043855788275,0.17705228120944105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925650119842501,0.0,0.0673445633579886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555251470553875,0.08378340216805158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059168531377224436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160467675070896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883318899149636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777810622327506,0.0,0.09287280512260562,0.1746820626282914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456858420109096,0.0,0.06943830272243964,0.0,0.0,0.0695806643599745,0.0,0.0910910934882253,0.0,0.08963005835291543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271828652688995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822956180119444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189893093977003,0.0,0.0,0.10183095857090817,0.0,0.08276668732603833,0.0,0.09701284642931847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605144620467923,0.06930848940525038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909357435105927,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xv5qx,2019/02/14,"Bad at math, bad at fucking everything I just failed a serious test in my math class which pretty much ensures I failed the course. That's not a huge deal, but it made me realize how indicative that moment is on all facets of life. Military, work, school, social life... never been able to keep up. 
I've seen everything I wanted to see in life, and at 25 it's only going to get worse from here. I know I'll never get E5 or my commission, I know I'll never finish college or get a decent job.
I lack any sense of foresight to prepare for shit and its fucked me over for the longest time. The only Plan B I can think of is this, unless being a broke ass loser with no hope for success sounds appealing.
When I go it's not like people will remember or miss what's essentially a background character for very long. All my friends are no more than acquaintances and my family is on the other side of the world. I'm ready to just peacefully throw in the towel, tell life that it's been good but I'm ready to call it good and eternally rest, whether it be a lack of existence or somehow a continuation elsewhere... this life though, I'm over it.",5.703240802675585,5.356032099999998,6.44478260869565,80.3686120401338,67.13043478260869,10.033444816053512,29.866220735785948,9.661875296680813,2.4621103678929765,893,28,185,17,13,295,137,230,0.21,0.662,0.128,-0.9584,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,6,7,17,3,0,13,0,10,9,2,2,5,35,30,15,0,4,12,0,0,1,1,1,5,1,0,0,16,5,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,11,0,0,4,3,14,6,30,23,7,27,0,5,2,3,5,14,4,6,11,115,30,11,0.12991469661137015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834644866050458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169466902599828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326574305740675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393634767113746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335179047326079,0.0,0.12247201385329275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003717723346058,0.2402080871993604,0.20362520084423552,0.0,0.14766703193919986,0.21793256751317028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903460721837254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892029022024365,0.11547415156792475,0.0,0.0,0.14279543938954906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588129612531837,0.06346975851951626,0.0,0.0,0.11497041832397492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292842713962925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550225018593478,0.0,0.3005946690410654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976119619067696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006649284450778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216995163027126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716802590412875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148060878533865,0.10352519308678997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335556914721622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243167265176606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355117106038196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324409186303232,0.1276405298077284,0.0,0.07575430434040513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719323047207313,0.07662705403511012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457944640964637,0.0,0.13239417477002485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,callocabway,2019/02/14,"I’m such a fuck up I can’t stand myself anymore. I just want to end my suffering so no one has to fucking deal with my stupid ass anymore Title says it all. I’m so close to giving in. I’m so close to cutting or something
I want to hurt myself. I’m such a mess up. I manage to fuck things up within a fucking week",-1.431752738654147,0.4898780000000045,1.6134272300469519,97.54608763693271,92.94366197183098,3.718935837245697,17.74804381846635,5.033348758259628,-0.6759777777777773,242,7,58,1,9,85,42,71,0.345,0.589,0.066,-0.9728,0,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,6,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,1,8,13,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,0,1,8,0,12,13,1,10,0,2,0,5,3,7,5,1,2,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913817153051393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343079129773006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476913066801092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7296857366166679,0.0,0.1892896833263248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123777396648927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371080527192894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691873970201825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519084695914116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310922741322955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327717980701002,0.0,0.1582801746673286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyNewdFolder,2019/02/14,"Military mental health services are a joke. December 3rd 2018, I went in person to the base medical branch.

I asked the receptionist where mental health services was.

She vaguely pointed toward a hallway and said "" through the door over there""

The hallway had about 6 doors. The door leading to mental health was not labeled. I had to stop and ask a second person if they knew where it was. It was so hard for me to even decide to go, let alone have to ask two people.

After I'd finally found the office, I explained to the person at the desk that I I believed I was suffering from extreme depression and anxiety. I was finally willing to admit that I felt suicidal.

He did not ask if I was suicidal. He clicked away my information, handed me a business card and told me to call the number after 72 hours for an appointment. I assumed I would have been at least helped a little. No, I was given a referral to a large military clinic in the town over.

72 hours pass and I called. They told me they they had not received my information and to call back in a few hours.

I wait 24 hours and call. 
I set up an appointment for March 23rd.. Over 3 months for a mental health evaluation?!?!? Not once in that entire process did they ask if I had thought of suicide.

 I wanted to say yes, I was prepared to say yes. I didn't want to die ***that*** week.

I'm not sure I'll make it to March 23rd.

",1.5813017031630174,3.9855526532846746,3.1741897810219015,88.57269586374697,82.68613138686132,6.281070559610707,23.366909975669106,7.554174236665415,1.1796115815085164,1073,39,217,18,30,353,139,274,0.127,0.815,0.058,-0.9614,0,1,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,5,1,7,4,0,0,21,2,23,7,1,2,1,33,45,11,4,6,8,0,3,0,0,2,6,3,3,3,7,7,0,2,10,1,0,5,7,2,0,2,26,7,32,2,37,16,2,37,0,2,1,0,31,17,0,4,14,146,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707482972501318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431602616212552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929870429203641,0.0,0.07898985612833526,0.06464736088224057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472208667260144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433939275920173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241241476044115,0.0,0.08725505855280281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055529778683506885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072378060929214,0.1841969019676649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218229452321004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778092890652815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531337598438823,0.0,0.0,0.3574649561491237,0.0,0.0,0.05635272007451555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311819969362469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597088837586117,0.0,0.0,0.08426377160897132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611973920500365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469524417031536,0.3389054064671869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710669562226175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953557370494901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058286005142104434,0.2202293105543888,0.0,0.0,0.07947666802254308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997318692577032,0.1337173031648808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028924201655654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758884134163677,0.0,0.07923831424013363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674499776729849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067173618196467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821276298947583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917750152046906,0.0,0.06743872064347599,0.0,0.0,0.07793701167315722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972342893967066,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Coldboreshot21,2019/02/14,Why do I feel the way I do I’m 16 and by all means I have a good life nice friends and family I’m doing good in school. Everything that you can really ask for at a young age but I have this obsession with my own death. I even have a god damn suicide written up that’s over 5 pages long. I don’t know why I feel this way and I’m to scared to reach out for help even to my own parents in fear of what they my think of my self inflicted suffering. I’m fairly shy and have double creating bonds with people and making new friends. I even have trouble getting out of bed and all I do is sleep most of the day. I want to understand why I feel the way I do before I make a permanent choice that may or may not be a mistake.,1.6948113207547166,2.5641623333333357,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,76.61006289308177,7.564150943396226,22.683962264150942,8.07648339933343,0.8211547169811317,557,15,138,9,12,189,92,159,0.209,0.643,0.14800000000000002,-0.9582,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,12,1,3,8,0,16,2,1,2,2,29,33,8,2,2,3,1,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,6,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,3,19,5,20,29,7,15,0,1,0,0,8,7,1,4,5,87,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953070361625386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127002669471309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962553521527261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957391050524279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413829599734728,0.0,0.1407017356074299,0.1679502727628567,0.2263992622296133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306238319946293,0.0,0.07797813903431934,0.0,0.0,0.25037140755452714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004063523641812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202513181093958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542127615348558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208354213129167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925406801825785,0.0,0.0,0.16257945206236846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414875045388562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572695777024593,0.0,0.0,0.1034727156399715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561481141733877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942753677288978,0.1510512424248935,0.0,0.0,0.15570264459840352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936003544857815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632577338830923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956348135029714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537685306146734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803284242667361,0.35540846026553163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040308153519692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throo999,2019/02/14,"Ending my life as soon as i'll have the chance So it seems like the time has come; it feels weird, but i guess i have no other choices at this point.

I was born with a pretty bad gender dysphoria, which held me from having a proper life: i don't have friends, i don't go out, i can't find things i like, all because there's clearly something wrong with how my brain devoleped at birth. 

I consider post-puberty transition a failure: it's not going to heal or fix anything, i'll just be stuck in a body that's even more disgusting and i'll be turned into a jobless laughing stock; the passing rates for MtF are so low that to think that a post-puberty MtF girl can lead a proper life is so unrealistic that i feel bad just by thinking about it.

The only way that 95% of MtF are kept alive is by extreme hugboxing: outside of a few circle of friends, they will always be seen as a bunch of failures with wigs; and this not supposed to be offensive because of course, being transgender myself i do see and would accept them as girls, but changing gender isn't just about how a small circle of people see you, it's about having the ability to wake up at every time, watching yourself in the mirror and being able to identify with the creature you see on the other side. Of course, same goes for when you're going out: people shouldn't even suspect of you being transgender; this is what i mean by passing.

But this is unrealistic: outside of a selected few, MtFs are sadly, aesthetically awful and will always be greeted with laughs or even worse, people pretending to be on your side out of pity. 

I've decided that i can't lead this ""life"" anymore and that i'll take my life as soon as i can: there's no precise date; as soon as i'll have to get the underground train, i'll throw myself in it.

Have you ever seen how fast those things go?

I'll shower the people waiting there with blood.

It will be so shocking that the media WILL dedicate some attention to this issue; maybe, in the process, the future generation of parents will learn to take this condition seriously instead of mocking their kids for having it. 

I don't care what awaits me after this: it could be reincarnation, it could be hell, it could be nothing; anything, even spending eternity with uncle satan is going to be better than this.

Im working on a little mini book thing with my experiences, so that the police will be able to close the case. 

My final thoughts?

Im more excited about doing this than anything i've ever done in my entire life. 

​",7.866780913978496,6.4410664173387095,7.933709677419355,74.9913978494624,63.2540322580645,10.605376344086023,34.577956989247305,9.408791572840183,3.0042771505376344,1997,69,381,29,24,650,231,496,0.162,0.7509999999999999,0.087,-0.9924,3,0,1,0,0,1,59.0,0,5,3,4,29,23,4,0,27,1,55,11,4,5,5,64,83,28,0,5,10,1,2,2,2,8,7,0,1,3,39,20,0,3,13,2,1,11,11,13,0,0,8,8,32,10,69,49,8,52,2,3,6,0,14,23,1,5,19,270,71,6,0.17616933557736764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658699983159929,0.09543970074765344,0.10703251271059196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735632139007432,0.0,0.0,0.21745852886995876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709403660903894,0.1073911918233078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779037305344894,0.0,0.09784220864631664,0.0,0.09833162060083707,0.0,0.0,0.0898081893459331,0.0,0.09318189891028512,0.07587714175043828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098531914383714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901411974912672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801687074622611,0.0,0.0,0.2327163693125537,0.15935524991453315,0.07421513167253617,0.0,0.0,0.08616370721990609,0.0,0.0,0.0890765093641847,0.0,0.0,0.0964924480179565,0.08050779057055084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610799166014256,0.0,0.04602060335899602,0.0,0.2503027330813739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703519232249087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029311323332168,0.09193750805623307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733008349935234,0.08606743870624219,0.08828397779679227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849288817777892,0.0959500261270947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451961439986964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699235910044228,0.0,0.0,0.09780759946170142,0.0,0.0,0.2442672710026865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326848254105677,0.0,0.16872152578088687,0.08961377415078325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057622760159256,0.08018897332605937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781188069123592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245741580985354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175558617835709,0.11288219683198085,0.0,0.06992938707134455,0.10272575629143148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581082440499217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699175092868569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412668723349192,0.0,0.08976580176036783,0.06257282072449775,0.09630675646411864,0.10703251271059196,0.0
suicidewatch,SupaThrowAway3,2019/02/14,"Suicidal feelings really hitting hard tonight I dont know if it's because of valentines day or not, but it's really bad tonight.",4.602,6.527587799999999,5.805,75.70750000000002,71.0,9.8,40.5,10.125756701596842,4.8142,105,7,18,3,2,35,21,25,0.34,0.66,0.0,-0.8511,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,3,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31431895966733586,0.2294796476423787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24277828369145485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411951000434696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903437855102532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372241139964485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688637333151425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823253833106712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117738031710155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lxallen,2019/02/14,"S I G H I was planing to kill myself in a couple of weeks and actually trying to say goodbye to everyone I know and trying to prepare them for what’s going to happen but no one seems to get what’s happening to me. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did.  ",2.4870416666666664,3.5151042875000047,4.212500000000002,88.60916666666668,74.875,6.833333333333335,25.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.0443333333333338,293,10,65,3,6,99,57,80,0.183,0.701,0.116,-0.6752,0,0,0,0,1,1,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,6,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,2,11,1,16,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2089108892877532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113490929433234,0.0,0.0,0.13050098776931104,0.0,0.0,0.24119449312719116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23687509743020185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456231133411126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118477985786762,0.0,0.12166641734350532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786199134178557,0.0,0.19177334647449654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349309893996212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23684745074700475,0.0,0.11765259513492075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217043197474149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506593365799025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024475648780918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948901031748575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222502888734792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248315847675673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360381566871427,0.2328572206259805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717218086524097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMoonIsDead,2019/02/14,"Disowned teen and wanted death Hello, I’m a thirteen year old girl from Canada. And I’ve had a shit day. 

I got my report card back straight A’s my Mom seemed okay with it. So whatever. Today I was really depressed no reason really just was. So I was a bit out of my element can’t focus snappy. 

Anyway, my family went out for dinner. I was disconnected to say the least this pissed my Mom up understandably. But then she said how much she regrets taking me and how she’s never going to take me out again. The usual... she argues with my dad. On a sorta side note I used to wish they would have a divorce my mother is extremely verbally abusive towards me and picks fights with my father. I would cover my ears and cry. I really wish they got a divorce. That was my childhood. But less details it was far worse. The rest of our family is full of alcoholics and shitty people. So I have no other family.

When I was about nine my “friends” forced me to touch myself in front of them they threatened to tell my mother something blackmailed me. It was my mother who forced me to play with them in the first place. It went on for months.

At the same time I was being extremely bullied in school kids throwing things at me calling me words fourth graders should not know. 

Home was bad

Eventually it got out what I did with those girls to the school I was bullied even more. They took my first showed me hardcore rape porn and now this. 

I started cutting at ten still do wrists and all

My family life got better when we moved because my parents found out I was cutting and wanted to die and it was partly there fault so it got better.

Oh and I have no friends I’ve never had because I’m not calling those people friends 

Anyway today my like I said I was in a bad mood. And snarky. When we got home at about nine. My mother took me on my room. And said that she will no longer speak to me and she wants me to move out at sixteen ( want to go to medical school so yeah not going to happen ) and stuff like that I’m not allowed to talk to her. So I’ve been disowned it hurts like hell. What should I do. I don’t have a mother I love her I loved her. It hurts so much. I cut and cut but it’s not enough. I don’t know what to do. I lost my mother I knew she didn’t love me. 

Might kill my self how am I supposed to go to school tomorrow how am I supposed to come home it doesn’t feel real. I’m going to kill my self.

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suicidewatch,collectinjournals,2019/02/14,"I just keep fucking up  I've made honest mistake
I've been taking blame for things I didn't do because I don't care enough about myself to fix things. 
I'm so alone and it hurts so much. I just need someone to help me because I can't do this anymore. To love anyone, your mom, dad, sisters  your ex hurts so fucking much. And everyone left me because I'm so fucking stupid, and I'm such a damn fuck up. I miss Tim so much but I kept hurting him, it's good that he left. So he can find his happiness, somewhere else. My family doesn't deserve a stupid bitch as a sister and as a daughter. They don't deserve to have their lives torn apart. Suicide hotlines are USELESS. They dont help and they just police and ambulances to your house. Fuck the suicide hotline. Should I go into the mental hospital? I don't know anymore",1.5381407563025211,3.7096747678571447,2.8034033613445395,92.5651260504202,81.08333333333333,5.143417366946778,24.763305322128854,6.2272716619740125,0.6750675070028014,643,25,134,5,17,207,98,168,0.272,0.61,0.119,-0.9809,0,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,3,4,0,11,20,9,0,6,0,14,6,0,1,0,19,32,15,2,3,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,15,0,0,4,0,22,5,12,27,4,7,0,5,0,6,20,6,7,0,0,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836450998957615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667947855978424,0.07991053788989293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900072522273536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652089515325895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394084808994006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547022413825633,0.0,0.0,0.11808667251375868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920395355587828,0.0,0.0,0.1077374688871862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445416940717434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282719395814811,0.0,0.0,0.06495064365590547,0.0958566062287524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216582162754326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320528605716485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318692300034717,0.3670324896311625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158151581247173,0.0,0.0,0.06280789677751346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483413790621032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009155071271236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314642747058812,0.10813897132590072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517212406843047,0.0,0.0,0.13384889020734905,0.0,0.0,0.25203727082634525,0.08474067646415802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683307773656752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25001788284825355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592789127726964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185138794926653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stixbunny,2019/02/14,"I just want to end it all violently Hey, it’s been some time. Lack of friends got me to the psych ward, a lil bit over two years since that. Been dating for almost a year. A few months ago I started realizing people I considered friends were not really there anymore. I was diagnosed with autism last year, and I find making friends difficult. I like being rather quiet around people I don’t know, but I can pretend I’m sociable enough.

I’ve never had many friends. I thought I learned how to, but I guess I was wrong. I feel like my girlfriend doesnt understand this. She says it’s unfair I’m sad about, because I have her and a good family, that people come and go. I’m frustrated about this.

I’ve had these thought of stabbing myself, my head, hitting it with a hammer or something, punching myself, grabing my jaw and tearing it apart. I can’t take it anymore.

I finally looked up statistics on methods (I didn’t last time), and apparently the only viable way for me is jumping in front of a train... could you imagine how pissed off the people will be?",3.1424893162393173,5.101625278846157,4.120512820512822,86.10226495726496,75.05769230769229,7.122222222222224,27.42094017094017,7.984000788550335,1.7459350427350429,830,33,164,13,18,268,135,208,0.14300000000000002,0.743,0.114,-0.8442,1,0,2,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,0,8,13,3,0,9,0,18,4,3,3,2,35,36,10,0,4,6,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,0,11,9,0,0,9,1,0,4,6,6,0,1,11,4,27,7,18,20,6,26,0,1,1,0,10,7,1,4,16,104,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413651235551997,0.0,0.12893289284218892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553873783581348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462223378690302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848989776035373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057077490120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109139212858086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280306883878106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068701939050212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404168450852388,0.13304179938975216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138191734362433,0.0,0.06510409274856949,0.09198499412215844,0.0,0.14104848360444192,0.11768280328225285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979135408925797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317634005223955,0.1079963987856653,0.10297981832626034,0.0,0.14184184373481476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214321841729812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076222426533876,0.20991048799588846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580965626423538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081245890895036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594720139790482,0.13054076195530814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277369006875543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930638062663473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792653060727816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35705932305409704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248589888519314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239381141379238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651024132530544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912447179373284,0.0,0.0,0.0911358259714882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681025834615638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443950191761545,0.15016006381483366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577820294410832,0.1340419878546514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594501344867942,0.10220238852760223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077704772914826,0.0,0.2487484762069202
suicidewatch,willkyu,2019/02/14,"I dont know anymore This certainly isnt the first time you all are hearing, “im suicidal and depressed” but please just bear with me bc i dont know what to do anymore other than venting to strangers online bc no one in my life cares enough. 

Tonight i opened up abt my depression and other things going on in my life and my friend told me I‘m  “spoiled” and annoying. Theyve never said anything like this and I feel so self conscious abt it. Like im a giant burden to everyone and all i can do is cry and complain. And my parents constantly telling me suicide is stupid when i open up to them definitely isn’t helping. 

Ive attempted suicide by OD before, twice but i always got scared and called 911. But lately ive felt less scared. Like I can go through with it finally. i have box cutters and im considering doing it in the tub so the blood with drain. Its the least i can do for my parents, right? I dont know if ill do it today or tmrw or next week. But soon hopefully. ",1.258400852878463,3.4572720398009937,2.9368869936034123,91.05432835820898,82.33333333333333,6.017626154939588,24.49680170575693,7.2636822038024595,1.0683279317697232,764,30,163,11,21,252,119,201,0.228,0.638,0.134,-0.9791,2,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,2,5,15,2,2,5,0,19,4,1,0,4,34,33,20,4,2,8,2,2,3,1,0,3,2,0,1,11,15,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,8,0,3,4,4,24,7,17,29,5,24,0,2,0,0,13,10,0,4,15,106,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047134283985904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156601529682621,0.0,0.0,0.08947480627634946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252047784436283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110245941673374,0.0,0.11085659024984557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174975583453918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943383925147365,0.0,0.0,0.1872964735941774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382289177273146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234625216024452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389533926154852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497671298903168,0.0,0.10439701184754653,0.11910744276257393,0.0,0.09248493892823437,0.0,0.0,0.08400385293972687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358653580125815,0.0,0.08696061455997846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254562705761335,0.0,0.0728788411649723,0.0,0.0,0.10799255524524017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523383418824448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926405221213235,0.0,0.12265118989869365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359719422096788,0.15935867635233064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385860481574707,0.0,0.11563465887717655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367766962739115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146165412782256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193519294712499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285407941467147,0.10342629743006172,0.0,0.21771364590816056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342819123285955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567960487806235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503404844831424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223479990700772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340082767641504,0.0,0.10306249797014128,0.10389533926154852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721594634022778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onyx-Leviathan,2019/02/14,"Hey guys. Been a while. I’m of a similar mind to many of you. I’ve lost any sort of comfortable connection to those around me, and feel a strong hopelessness as I watch them succeed at climbing the slope.

I don’t exactly know how to put it into words, but I’ll try. As the Earth falls apart, I do what I can to make it better. I have lots of reusable items. Cut down on water. Eat little. Take care of pets better than I do myself.

But the ugly truth is that I will be subject to the abysmal future we have set up as a species. I’m young. I don’t care to divulge how so. This only leaves me a constant dreading for that which I will come to know.

I already have little money, chemical imbalances, and an intense lack of social familiarity. If I could somehow trust someone enough to create a best friend, it would probably do wonders. Oh, how I try.

But in the wake of all this loneliness, time lends itself to me. Solitary thought is sometimes soothing, though more often an abrasive wave of self-hatred and logical contemplation on why I deserve this life I’ve been burdened with.

The future I see is solitary, empty of the life for which most hold little to no reverence. But especially for me, and those like me. Because our thought process force us into a repeating cycle that causes us to create posts like this.

Here’s to the end someday. Cheers. ",2.966380503144652,5.0833735169811325,4.033985849056607,85.80733097484277,76.09433962264151,6.831761006289308,26.51336477987421,7.793537801064563,1.604185534591195,1062,41,206,16,24,344,161,265,0.106,0.6970000000000001,0.197,0.9801,0,1,0,0,0,1,36.0,4,1,1,7,9,19,1,1,17,0,19,5,1,5,3,41,34,18,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,16,10,2,1,7,0,1,4,3,5,0,0,5,3,26,14,38,24,8,27,0,2,2,0,10,13,0,7,10,143,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136119490828075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711218290702627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403588409623612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808838292547604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443272304681111,0.22658753434115425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612123456466496,0.13159366979626272,0.0,0.11034654145653837,0.0,0.13843025820107535,0.0,0.10227718005070097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107796446950645,0.0,0.0,0.11345830461593673,0.1323612244668888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647710529587915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896950384405688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683883433364948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080048064175954,0.0,0.0,0.13563907710314724,0.0,0.0,0.1809612008486745,0.12516607734768254,0.3851686314678129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983594543456776,0.1089057767767634,0.0,0.0,0.08550753874879753,0.12987298108188516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934417124054676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742558773578948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268409437736565,0.0,0.13811313343728168,0.0,0.0,0.12877557127268713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102078868957336,0.0,0.13363591567995778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058150345189196,0.10853845286068298,0.0,0.12669387033803595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631502576204724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258572964453676,0.20339369226316087,0.07469596023100875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394256361080454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081763126145416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559004689514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891865100325007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099834544160927,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dank_therapist,2019/02/14,"Why should I be alive? It’s all so hard My fiancé and I recently had to break off our engagement. We’re still trying to be friends but it hurts me when I can’t talk to her. I feel like I ruined everything in our relationship, I didn’t give her enough love or support.. 
I feel as though my friends don’t love me. 
I wish everything would fade into black. 
The only thing keeping me in this world is the fact that I know my mom would be distraught if I left. 
I really don’t think anyone else would care. 
I just want it all to end. ",0.4786309523809536,2.553584839285712,2.1678571428571445,96.14380952380957,84.53571428571429,5.8761904761904775,18.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,0.04812261904761872,410,10,97,6,12,134,75,112,0.114,0.621,0.265,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,0,5,11,0,1,2,0,13,2,0,0,3,20,25,8,0,7,4,1,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,4,22,8,9,16,3,12,0,2,1,2,12,6,0,2,6,64,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451597504033614,0.1678078483607578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698052939443314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681381821726726,0.0,0.1450569093284123,0.16922437014270558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943825857137696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562011547684435,0.11700159471912365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530658358413156,0.0,0.0,0.15710884597365762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467111115604555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532557670724402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557161841869956,0.0,0.0,0.09000699694476026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779430843360362,0.0,0.0,0.08001267247151138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956284371404708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181245146017395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245590148230774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491908820031264,0.0,0.16170902477125404,0.1758341139005334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079171129114472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585104426209426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163693111882868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880548555560417,0.1049410366887902,0.16090907140375546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119314167197576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659931784808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778235060441827,0.0,0.1883342974401566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490252773062753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayperiodawful,2019/02/14,I hate myself I'm an awful person I wish I was never born. All I do is hurt the people around me. The only thing still holding me here is that I'll hurt my parents and that one friend that hasn't figured out how much of a shithead I am. Like I'm scared of killing myself only cause he is to good of a person to be hurt. But I'm just going down so fast. There is nothing I wish more than to disappear and people to not notice. My brain hurts. It feels like it is being shocked with electricity constantly. I just want it to stop. ,0.8791069991954963,2.7570591150442496,2.8269831053901875,93.0913676588898,81.7433628318584,5.1710378117457765,19.12228479485117,6.11248444174946,-0.15819646017699052,412,10,92,3,11,138,73,113,0.28,0.589,0.131,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,12,2,1,5,1,11,1,1,2,2,20,20,5,1,3,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,1,1,13,4,13,17,3,11,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,8,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273175233634903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965686885935534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692024586431118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455308451728944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723148692511517,0.1021730361668853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049637767796856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128117971925494,0.119957826429464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120197655696706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6124205924848419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582296958400767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397440384956509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513566175220944,0.0,0.11030532225607256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723090202144395,0.16282845232315205,0.0,0.0,0.09691359770631107,0.21754528657462407,0.0,0.0,0.15880603803017448,0.0,0.0,0.19830318779865888,0.24975792058008325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318729678492434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421541971423005,0.11957056179996878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501568621791796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435650488254264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32893033689006423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zxal_95,2019/02/14,"Suicidal ytd, went to mental health institite today YTD my thoughts went super dark. During lunch break I went out, hid at a staircase and cried. Felt absolutely despaired and hopeless. Finished crying and went back to office, faked a happy persona with the colleagues but my mind was racing. 

So happens today was my follow up appointment with psychiatrist at institute of mental health. 

I felt like I got the help I needed for a long time.

Wonder if I'll recover like the doctor was certain. Wonder if i'll slip into that suicidal spiral anytime soon again. Next appointment is a month later.....

Taking lexapro 20mg and Xanax 1mg. 



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suicidewatch,meepmeepitsmeep,2019/02/14,"I’m not sad, or even suicidal but I want to die Life is just so boring. I’m not sad. I don’t feel hopeless. I’m just bored. I’ve done this for 25 years. It gets repetitive. I feel like I’m stuck in this groundhog day situation. Wanting to die doesn’t mean I am this broken soul. I just don’t find life that exciting to warrant wanting to spend the next 60 years doing the same thing ",-1.0043172690763065,1.1031488795180735,1.3243674698795191,97.88687248995986,96.34939759036145,4.6943775100401615,17.76004016064257,6.42735559955562,-0.17684658634538186,299,9,71,4,12,100,53,83,0.327,0.5379999999999999,0.135,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,15,19,3,3,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,2,5,2,6,17,1,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404243603355312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519597231890786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228237343680985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438152917367012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201918879869043,0.15555358094339936,0.0,0.0,0.1990105194951825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376022266975093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075925637074164,0.10637682121917806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718281684051434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315690814396907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474901108170505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23817234405819304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446568565590087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852862820553551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804349890433517
suicidewatch,ExistingHalf99,2019/02/14,"Think tonight's the night I can't deal with the embarrassment, I can't socialise, can't look at people in the eye

I'm druggy looser

Stomach is churning the whole time

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suicidewatch,TheGinnnnnnger,2019/02/14,"Donating Blood I donated blood today and I wish they would have taken it all. It sounds like the easiest way to go, slowly bleeding out. I have O- blood so I could save a lot of people with my death. ",1.5010975609756088,3.5413370975609766,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,80.46341463414635,7.0268292682926825,20.006097560975608,8.07648339933343,0.8880682926829273,155,4,33,3,4,52,34,41,0.084,0.6679999999999999,0.247,0.7635,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,1,9,7,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,4,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327295144526999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23684047927781704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359599336429915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354293755557824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889120347586894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950166780962365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33078536949148996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792254425141034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296037056162248,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sidneywidney,2019/02/14,"Is it a bad idea to tell health provider you want to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist because you are suicidal? What do I say? Sorry if questions aren’t allowed, but I’m suicidal, been having thoughts of suicide since early last year. I did the first step of calling kaiser (my insurance) in July ‘18, and called to be referred to therapist. Said they’d call me back in 3 business days. They never did. I just couldn’t find the strength and courage to call back. Making that first call felt like hell. Sorry for being dramatic, but I can’t explain why it was so difficult. 

When I did the above call, the lady i spoke to asked if I was suicidal and I was scared to say yes because I didn’t want to be tracked and have an ambulance and cops come to me. I’ve seen people have gone through that, and I didn’t want that to happen to me. 

The thoughts have been getting more persistent since December and I want to get help, but I don’t want to be truthful over the phone and then what I mentioned above happens. I’m not actively acting on my urges and I don’t want to, but it’s getting harder to just “tough it out”.

I feel as if the reason I never heard back from them in July was because I lied about the severity of my depressed feelings. Obviously I could be wrong, but still. 

What should I say so I can be seen? 

Thank you.
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suicidewatch,GlZMO,2019/02/14,"Monday I fucking need to do this by Monday afternoon, I can't take the pain any longer and it just keeps ambushing me at the most inconvenient times. If I miss one more of my Monday class I'm going to fail and I probably won't have the work that I'm supposed to be done with by then so I just need to fucking die. I'm going to write a couple notes to my family and friends and then jump in front of a train on Monday at 3pm. I love my family and friends but I'm just not wired to actually fucking finish my work and I'll never be able to maintain an actual career because of it. I wanted to at least wait until my mom died to kill myself but I just have to fucking do this and I've been putting it off for far too long already. I'm sorry.",1.218677248677249,2.693588962962963,3.636437389770727,89.60111111111117,79.12345679012346,6.603880070546737,21.447971781305114,7.447530270364453,0.6318416225749557,580,16,132,8,14,202,93,162,0.129,0.818,0.053,-0.9192,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,5,0,6,0,10,6,0,0,1,24,29,14,3,4,8,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,2,0,15,3,25,24,3,24,0,2,0,5,5,7,4,2,12,86,21,5,0.1406937962016381,0.0,0.2745936995374053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525910268137907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956766060129617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576563229191499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567500945834015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920358955431042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397860135696902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26526717926340143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173993558786684,0.5202765899151446,0.0,0.0,0.15991905334239348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505511055346433,0.1556568399769768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450958226287935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269816441245269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647788736805153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086453343177923,0.10851172912811448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533775749029498,0.0,0.14970811880873502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516917084628421,0.0,0.0,0.14143612506990896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749518607698282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578422518465418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203968399471306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298484625029054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485351857963596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GlobeGG,2019/02/14,"I've had it, I don't know what to do anymore Things have been rough. I can't find a job since I graduated. Then I got my identity stolen and over $5,000 stolen from me. When I tried to fight it my credit card company didn't even help and made me deal with the bill. As a result, I'm about to be homeless, and I have some health issues to boot. I'm having such a hard time dealing with everything. I don't know what the point of life is sometimes. Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me and I can't even help myself. I was so angry today that I wrote an angry email to the Capital One executives telling them what they did to me. It just put me over the edge. Someone told me ""it's just money"". It's not to me, it's my life and what's pushing me over the edge now. I'm a good person. I have done good things all my life. Why is all this bad stuff always happening to me? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not looking for sympathy, just a place where I don't walk off the ledge. ",1.1755192107995849,2.5098322943925275,2.9971339563862927,94.75002076843201,78.85981308411216,6.250882658359295,19.832814122533748,6.937597516519254,0.039644652128764335,757,17,185,8,18,253,112,214,0.154,0.7909999999999999,0.055,-0.9612,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,2,0,12,6,1,0,12,0,21,4,0,2,2,23,36,9,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,16,7,0,0,4,0,3,3,9,2,0,1,10,3,29,4,21,25,3,15,0,0,1,0,13,7,0,1,5,121,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725631983177165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795085723020173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117661903318781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367683062695438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056365085204344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442095833218146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861520125355565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664936762540954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879787772359935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639319556356705,0.1127062041254448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246146559018555,0.0,0.12623620013188502,0.0,0.0,0.1497908477570116,0.0,0.0,0.28336612811423784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708335475263454,0.13984086786984756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323370293920792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986068488457613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833689558756842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334144615803664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549070593083776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304547923339125,0.14723089311029455,0.0,0.13321448466722366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416630281913513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657007358692427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194006421830548,0.0,0.13937299712973794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131912244373384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231698616377139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872413194059168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217129860428568,0.0,0.13357521669639705,0.13465462926803545,0.0,0.095675096017608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311797716459758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715793772152253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gwintissimo,2019/02/14,"Trying to move forward but it's hard after everything that's happened. Trigger warning ahead as i talk about some dark things that happened to me.

It started when I saw a child die in an accident. I was 18, working as a youth worker. I remember making sure all the other kids were ok whilst there parents came to pick them up, it didn't sink in until I got home.

a few months later, my grandfather who was in late stage alzeimers was on his deathbed. The whole family was in the room for his last moments. I remember the death rattle the most.

2 years later I was at university, I walked past 2 people and suddenly they got knives out, beat me, and mugged me. I call my girlfriend of 8 years later to tell her what happened, she couldn't believe I was so weak for not fighting them off; I remember apologising for being so weak.

I didn't leave my uni house much out of  fear afterwards, I'd freak out when people got to close. my partner dumped me soon after. later I discovered that she'd been seeing someone else.

A few months on, I was woken up at 6am by the police. My ex partner had called them on me. She'd falsified evidence. they arrested me, locking me up in a holding cell for hours whilst they went though my phone and laptop searching for evidence. Eventually I was released and all charges were dropped. My ex partner was later charged for what she did; I attempted suicide after that, when my attempt failed I decided to leave university altogether.

Since then I've been living at home. I've got no friends anymore. And My life is just wake up, work, repeat, it's a pretty lonely existence. I'm hoping to go back to university this year which will help a lot. But all of this still haunts me. I'm 24 now and still haven't gotten over what happened. I feel as though I can't trust anyone again.",3.561161371561411,5.324916660112366,4.477923285548236,84.82275280898877,73.41011235955057,7.494614490507556,27.16350251840372,8.216663640201805,1.7866814413018206,1425,53,280,23,29,461,197,356,0.198,0.727,0.07400000000000001,-0.9949,1,2,0,0,2,1,42.0,0,0,6,8,16,13,2,1,14,1,25,4,1,3,4,33,46,20,3,2,4,3,2,0,5,1,3,0,3,5,17,11,0,1,5,0,0,6,7,8,0,0,26,4,49,5,47,15,10,67,0,2,2,0,32,23,0,4,38,186,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006539662663668,0.07096639392502546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804199351765112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434806267725472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727177649179976,0.11608116413854355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533390104453247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847845317177235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912155292528941,0.0,0.09567874099493782,0.1142080485242996,0.05131800324233366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841338201484484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576809152469981,0.0,0.32469348255394154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35900034888052673,0.0,0.09091795736368102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802874169555627,0.0,0.20361187713645965,0.10080563203785572,0.09995034176701242,0.11710950733319735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273049088614738,0.1144887320228292,0.21493325430404825,0.0,0.0,0.07168763720575262,0.0,0.0,0.08962034070894381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628587540941353,0.0,0.0,0.06774748827298724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202178196518602,0.107871192299181,0.07460916802527237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269616966644608,0.0,0.09688672810018996,0.14072518888298485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325505535080402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34491597688802583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087692709672542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395621041495684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599484524925241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183739785392143,0.0,0.16210517532328966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101707003247532,0.0,0.09565612457935478,0.0,0.0,0.08157637661967915,0.08870951610685926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742756149456794,0.0,0.19943307548709735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890720959128317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408519817013188,0.0,0.11331351514702505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777649312296112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960748482865968
suicidewatch,stokedshores,2019/02/14,"A lie I'm a 27M and I lie everyday. Every Damn day of my life. Why? So others will not feel sad, mad or any other feeling besides happiness. I lie to them so that they know everything is okay with me. I lie to my wife so she won't feel sad, I lie to my kids so they know everything is okay with me. But in reality its not. I don't mean to lie but telling everyone the truth on how I feel will only make them mad and sad towards me and I don't want that. They don't talk to me when I say the truth, they push me away and then I feel worse. Lying sucks but the truth is worse.",-1.4984230769230749,0.3682595230769223,1.2849038461538491,100.3219711538462,92.23076923076924,5.096153846153847,15.817307692307693,6.6274283507984215,-0.5435769230769227,438,10,116,6,16,151,68,130,0.138,0.6759999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.2042,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,6,0,7,13,4,0,5,2,9,1,0,2,3,26,21,15,0,1,6,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,0,6,24,6,12,18,0,9,0,3,0,0,12,4,2,1,4,72,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488944947119594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186362775610966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792374866313486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167124188207537,0.1895384558521975,0.35654066562531106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501475877639634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111545388581488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802345762953948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010529838390373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240472735911601,0.0,0.0,0.21606874317406535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508593110118053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774131633138214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943171002517995,0.17337261636858473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699600029329076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789861907912028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40428512110426595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoonbeamznChronic,2019/02/14,"I'm so lonely. I have no one at all. Title. The funniest part of it is because being depressed has a huge part to do with it. My fiance left me because of it...its been months and I'm still in so much pain over losing him. I've been getting treatment for 11 years...I'm 29. I feel like I've lost out on the best part on life, the connections, because of this...and it's never gonna go away. Nothing has been working. I just dunno how to go on anymore. I dont have friends. I live far away from my family...and maybe it's better this way. I dont know. ",-1.2734999999999983,0.7357063166666684,1.3966666666666685,98.4075,94.16666666666666,4.0,17.5,5.602791699666715,-0.5652499999999994,418,12,100,3,16,143,79,120,0.159,0.715,0.126,-0.4747,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,5,5,9,0,0,4,0,12,2,0,1,2,10,21,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,4,1,10,4,17,15,6,18,0,4,0,0,2,12,0,1,4,63,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303654340259076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28996336274517964,0.0,0.0,0.2822024186744937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194145732284745,0.1364768736761361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290913743609267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617062213541281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802504085876166,0.11024088689004984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922146126166645,0.0,0.0806219166660403,0.0,0.17539870940283042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084806119038979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766099197406306,0.0,0.10899548830132097,0.07538929701665659,0.0,0.1362607721226196,0.0,0.0,0.17263622537631082,0.16845033170909388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502765577738745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317077204023473,0.0,0.11343744915639795,0.0,0.11901531960291645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806701371637138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456614938405744,0.0,0.1641993888617945,0.0,0.0,0.5013162271137237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323416860442545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248608657409507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123413440253645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,natantantan,2019/02/14,mom would be sad sometimes i fantasize about my parents getting into a car crash so i could kill myself in peace,1.718939393939397,4.4857687727272735,2.824545454545458,87.87348484848488,88.54545454545455,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,1.2106787878787881,91,4,16,1,3,29,21,22,0.368,0.512,0.12,-0.8062,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200884024144563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945525689331845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44353974124797335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695327170087635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451553081901271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39650329166391857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847899697696437,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aBakedPotato82,2019/02/14,"I can't handle my life anymore and all I want is for it to end I've been trying to end it every night for the past week or so. Every night somehow not getting any closer. I have breakdown after breakdown Every night. And I can't bring myself to do it. I got broken up with a few months ago with my long time girlfriend. 

She cheated on me with someone across the country and lied to me for weeks. I couldn't take that amount of information and it piled up. I started to get aggressive toward her (I was too broken for her to completely leave) and did some things that I promised I would never do. 

She constantly tells me how shitty I've been for what I've done to her and what I've said. But it doesn't help me and I have been told how I'm ""literally the worst person"" so many times that I'm unable to get it out of my head. 

I've written notes and a really shitty ""will"". Probably a mistake. But I am ending it all. I hope ",1.6719095022624408,3.299858097435898,3.40660633484163,91.06927601809956,78.28205128205127,6.024132730015082,21.21417797888386,6.794906146795322,0.3349336349924585,719,19,159,7,17,240,107,195,0.154,0.8109999999999999,0.035,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,6,0,18,2,1,2,3,29,32,15,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,13,12,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,10,1,26,2,25,19,6,26,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,4,18,112,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477541480896087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572175557994944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395962843702056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758438038076185,0.15211175863351994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404654452278204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740152435814865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35578959120554604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206241677017593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257878205167647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446056351232175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434858777396614,0.0,0.0,0.13980662857174425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490447162759613,0.0,0.0,0.0994230844586826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456833804403895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427087387401114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235344014921927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856293555973227,0.0,0.0,0.3962817068351833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437152801093594,0.0,0.1229063679018244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517632914258895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017458162056953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389517376006996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926565158910933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963078645796512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583414451352936,0.0,0.12303060968333022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935148151427634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641567966600809,0.0,0.0,0.13450239299819589,0.0,0.0955669287766194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302400660547953,0.0,0.2258186666262596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999199985423576,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigheadbb,2019/02/14,"I tried to overdose, and it went wrong. Hi, my names Ashton. I just turned 18, and I had enough of everything. School was shit, I don't have a job, I have several mental illnesses, and I couldn't do it anymore. I took some pills, and mixed them with alcohol around 2 last Saturday. I was going to watch YouTube, and just wait until it was over. I passed out on my bed soon after I took everything, and when my dad got home he woke me up to go eat. I was devastated I didn't die in my sleep. 
I went to a party that night, and ended up drinking more. I had a headache so I got some tylenol. Shortly after I took it, I threw up six times on the carpet. Not to mention it was my friends party I went to, with 23 other people, and I threw up in front of all of them. 
I went home, and the guy who threw the party was no longer talking to me. My guess is that he found out what I did, and is scared of me. 
I've never felt worse in my life, mentally, emotionally or physically. I'm hoping that things will get better, but I know they won't. 
My point is, don't try to kill yourself. I'm still here in my dad's apartment with our pets, but that day he could have came home to his only child dead. After already losing his mom, and the divorce. I was selfish. He needs me, and I love him too much to ever think about doing that again. ",1.3929761904761904,2.872605964285718,3.0778571428571446,93.77547619047621,78.64285714285714,6.095238095238094,20.595238095238095,6.816661863887847,0.1452738095238093,1010,25,238,10,24,335,153,280,0.094,0.8109999999999999,0.095,-0.2006,1,0,2,0,1,0,43.0,1,0,3,2,12,10,2,1,7,0,25,10,2,0,3,41,54,18,3,4,6,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,6,2,14,19,3,1,4,1,0,15,8,6,0,1,27,2,44,4,36,23,6,48,0,1,1,1,24,17,1,5,16,161,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124898813060332,0.0,0.0,0.11615594624721405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438866411855888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937028442065044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309304960352352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038827781194715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404076264348226,0.0,0.0,0.06788336018223058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924224473516236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311376729083054,0.0,0.1077062556311367,0.0,0.11840223027385825,0.0932282493849858,0.10876070539985756,0.0,0.0,0.09521280998416283,0.0,0.0,0.18920004047090686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106516623252647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541108269911135,0.0813228579178507,0.0,0.054993493660568736,0.0,0.11964225377538695,0.0,0.1683705081333404,0.0,0.11595467778229032,0.104222978820163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167501387381897,0.10454595734669003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044533358378714,0.0,0.11645351045523845,0.0,0.05784760475326205,0.08580015021587152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434755886241676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775791941468056,0.0,0.0,0.09500037533760916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121526703976343,0.0,0.0,0.12327809232022545,0.0,0.0,0.07737749112185492,0.07804822976300814,0.08118224540859212,0.0,0.0,0.09877846003752304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005422803255245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729733512758519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950379683259078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538264182757237,0.10652774797637132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891273206283798,0.10804687164594512,0.0,0.0,0.10533503702837374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405998951855212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846032133142698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992941590163522,0.06744572998581867,0.0,0.0,0.06137738116253599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508399333474965,0.1429279306954675,0.11449158811386667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903046651661554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726793413671476,0.0,0.1150842147758184,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_bittersweet,2019/02/14,"Everything is so hard lately. I'm at the point where I really don't know what else I can do for myself.

I have mild thoughts pretty often. A couple weeks ago it got really bad and I started anti depressants again. It seemed to get better for a while and now tonight it's just as bad again. There's nothing in my life I need to fix, it seems like I have it all figured out, but no matter what I do I absolutely hate myself and I can never be happy for long even though I should be.

I'm having a hard time eating. I go to work and come home and often I just get in bed and lie there. I've been waking up multiple times a night. The structure of my job and my dog keep me going. I have some people in my life but no one I can talk to about this. I just wish someone would hold me and tell me it will be okay but I don't know how to be that vulnerable. I don't know how I could even  reach out, and if I could, I know this kind of mental health issue is a huge burden to put on anyone.

I just feel very scared right now.

Happy Valentine's Day.",1.1843009506144213,2.496474334801764,3.1566983538140536,93.71018316716905,78.77973568281938,6.012427544632508,17.674240667748663,6.5966054737557815,-0.30374361233480185,802,13,192,7,19,271,128,227,0.16399999999999998,0.741,0.096,-0.9481,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,20,12,1,1,7,1,24,5,1,2,2,45,45,19,0,7,8,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,11,12,1,2,9,0,0,4,6,6,0,1,3,3,30,6,21,33,2,32,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,6,17,132,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092661150358351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618906773552476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584061333831544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901700738000382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106181037357627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683257730508125,0.13638929190231466,0.0,0.07949509452621463,0.0,0.10616711847550198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612986377629404,0.10297127052649514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628294433189087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078175167834003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232599140063728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880072421689145,0.0,0.1401075646177776,0.0,0.09858549594153923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624336794627583,0.22084069803159426,0.12169769879660475,0.0,0.13102388753322156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236438608449793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865561027052827,0.12232051836738027,0.10956272324311014,0.0,0.12836050684357406,0.2709707236430772,0.0,0.13904718182094708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174130043170969,0.06022057311146664,0.0,0.0,0.10908477744099038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422113859696254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139870781231818,0.09506881001886083,0.0,0.0,0.1156749311872202,0.0,0.1182751501573654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352688900356639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545575000995617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116524339892571,0.0,0.0,0.12540382098416752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391438429849172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793217315682034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526679825815533,0.0,0.0,0.1234087860562033,0.0,0.0,0.22442986585890692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444120283079646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724690669948329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907494887679234,0.1077381852119658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110627228728316,0.09785786192948556,0.1437524808491876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170572447842002,0.0,0.0,0.0988749604343201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174753795943815,0.0,0.0,0.08973767350324498,0.0,0.0,0.08756322209358414,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayforpain12,2019/02/14,"I've been searching for ways to kill myself instead of looking for a job Hey thanks for checking out my post.
I am in a dilemma where I am lost in life. I am a graduate student and I decided to leave my PhD program because I realized that my boss is making stuff up on research papers . It really hurts me since I try to be rigorous in my work. I decided to leave the program with a Master's because I do not want to contribute any further to the bs that this guy is willing to publish. But now I am left with this void where my fascination for science used to occupy. I've been looking for a job to sustain myself so I can find that next big goal in my life, but I don't know that is.  I know I need to keep searching but I find myself searching for ways to kill myself. The only thing really keeping me here are the people that care about me. I am starting formulate a plan to alienate myself from everyone including my SO so I can lessen the pain for everyone else.

I have a morbid fascination with suicide. I had a friend who took her own life about 10 years ago and at one point actually lived in the same apartment two doors down from where she took her life. (Just to add a random note; the guy that used to live in my current house apparently hung himself too.) Her suicide saved me in a weird way as I was suicidal then too. When she killed herself, I realized how selfish the act is and vowed to find a goal in my life to live for and I eventually found science. The thing is, it's been 10 years and I have come to terms with her death. Now I feel like the math doesn't add up. I have, let's say another 30 to 40 years to live which sounds tortuous. If people can get over me in 10 years, I might as well just kill myself and save myself from the tortuous 30 to 40 years of life. Yes I will still alienate myself and become spiteful to lessen the pain for those who care for me. 

I guess I just wanted to hear what people on here have to say about my current thoughts.",3.7404861354861367,4.5129199729729725,4.865169357669358,86.071421990172,71.62899262899262,8.074727974727976,27.80352755352755,8.306716005460428,1.7022756054756054,1547,54,332,23,28,510,187,407,0.17,0.745,0.085,-0.991,6,0,0,0,0,5,29.0,0,0,0,6,23,19,5,0,23,1,31,8,0,5,0,51,57,19,8,4,8,0,1,1,1,3,8,4,1,2,18,15,0,2,12,0,1,4,3,11,1,2,10,7,60,8,64,42,3,49,0,2,2,0,17,25,0,4,17,233,78,15,0.0,0.0,0.07525291649484578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835761339733468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052440705339802496,0.08086158687668672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401692720356017,0.08516723306172776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724734695024764,0.0,0.0,0.06642756813894388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644195165113543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737298362284024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389915576606078,0.05509082533530304,0.0,0.0,0.2114445781878783,0.0,0.0,0.08455239299648397,0.05957869973539628,0.0,0.04028929786891135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849506412758432,0.15271154309229093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691397909557765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898012041163914,0.08255298354161097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304907111187568,0.13708634695679345,0.34126438298831746,0.0,0.08476054979494181,0.0,0.0,0.16330686793879384,0.08378545097880946,0.07885510311725254,0.3268107638320956,0.03767439387745687,0.0,0.2723751090481588,0.0,0.12951401277627175,0.0,0.08417990877663332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147472482285552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180661170784588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717964376789054,0.0,0.0,0.08201245989504106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225498119810807,0.058649276926769876,0.16411115888373878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038506868787433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289840748107196,0.0,0.07385465761993927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880342530814988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264956113432708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379015574519548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458224918421093,0.0,0.06158397532395449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827799132931438,0.25305321021797506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709969430250206,0.0,0.0,0.10246328718264708,0.0,0.0,0.06122053384502309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713547505115306,0.05235588421713354,0.0,0.07532995001532512,0.0,0.0,0.13320484772244204,0.0,0.0,0.09096860875877527,0.18363040588166732,0.0,0.0,0.0693354622966175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614048957903613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829700006900546
suicidewatch,rewQQ2,2019/02/14,"Everything I Do Ends in Failure I want to keep trying but it's a waste of time for everyone involved. No matter what opportunities are handed to me I manage to ruin it all. I've spent 20 years trying to do something right but it always come out wrong.



I wish my actions wouldn't cause my family so much pain. My family and I are incredibly close. But I can't keep trying. I've never been good at any job I've had, couldn't do school, never had a girlfriend (never even kissed a woman), I'm easily the worst employee at my current job. 



It just doesn't make sense to stay alive. I'm accomplishing nothing and only a burden to the ones who love me.",1.7108733371891276,3.8097938872180457,4.015037593984964,84.49888953152114,80.05263157894737,6.7990746096009245,20.0052053209948,7.882392219407189,0.8803214574898779,509,13,103,9,13,176,86,133,0.203,0.617,0.18,-0.7627,4,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,6,0,12,4,1,2,4,22,22,6,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,8,5,0,1,4,1,12,4,12,16,3,16,0,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,7,64,18,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367360121333638,0.0,0.0,0.10924745319370917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650317188928585,0.0,0.13838567948328304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228814396944,0.0,0.0,0.10610775574586784,0.0,0.0,0.1535078811967611,0.14438178757587944,0.0,0.30289289051996376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474552927572064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188405099491417,0.2855860571595293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499282323073978,0.0,0.1072350677647302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809617438245792,0.0,0.371709361657942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541479291202146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088605421225245,0.12218150183878344,0.17094283946547836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371941522375617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258629375532654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367615555895402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123143748842856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367625912675984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272122470529739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475548396112186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473947744107536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564546613988846,0.0,0.10345328010906284
suicidewatch,frostyicey,2019/02/14,"Does anyone else's stomach hurt? Idk whenever i'm really down my stomach starts randomly hurting, does that happen to anyone else?",3.3567391304347822,6.4076715217391325,4.609021739130434,72.2596195652174,94.65217391304348,7.517391304347825,27.48913043478261,8.07648339933343,3.43944347826087,107,5,14,3,4,35,19,23,0.304,0.696,0.0,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270195102486115,0.47920336326420004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092784052735072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906947289484648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678822710440475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006714932887147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980699778747827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551658724933307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkman2245,2019/02/14,"itll happen eventually I really think I am going to end up killing myself eventually. Like, no matter how good i am and how much progress I make i always end up here. Somehow, ive refrained for this long but one of these times its going to happen, it only makes sense. Its very easy for the thought to become comforting I mean if I just set a date to kill myself and spend all of the time I have until then experiencing the things that i was staying alive for then it doesnt even matter anymore. Also, nothing matters if i just kill myself. ",3.9419444444444447,5.254734305555553,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,71.68518518518519,7.251851851851853,25.537037037037038,7.6454224807358475,1.3261814814814818,427,13,83,5,8,142,72,108,0.156,0.6829999999999999,0.161,-0.5379,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,3,0,4,0,7,0,0,4,1,20,16,11,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,2,1,14,3,12,13,2,15,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,10,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554678204628956,0.1410351782461354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680955933654353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871962473833368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002482698886044,0.0,0.0,0.11195124623771148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265823362880014,0.14216613876469075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299771478968708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625703357185028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828077290146335,0.0,0.0,0.14999961347486987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262812815568291,0.0,0.0,0.1846320485868765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459988249762907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263705370700465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485563209835492,0.12891019418794672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858419242586022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806613728389113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260635203007485,0.10860690763371404,0.0,0.13456177671389996,0.1976702622425592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985287148059936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Smelly_Wolfie_Undies,2019/02/14,"Serious Mental Health issues, Trauma Hey... never thought I'd see myself posting on reddit, I'm out of my mind completely, I have serious mental health issues stemming from being raped at 16, cruel bullying and rejection from school, and society. My family thinks i'm a lazy loser, I really want to hurt myself sometimes I keep seeing myself dead in my head, i see myself dying in really gruesome ways, i keep seeing people crying to my death because i couldnt handle the fucking pain and misery anymore. I have a really fucked up sexuality being in love with dogs and my family doesn't know why i'm so fucked up in the head because I'm going to hyperventilate and pass out if they find out and I really want to fucking die because IT'S SO FUCKING PAINFUL DEALING WITH ALL THESE EMOTIONS, I NEVER FUCKING ASKED TO BE BORN LIKE THIS AND TREATED BY SHIT BY EVERYONE, I HAD SO MUCH FUCKING LOVE I WANTED TO SHARE WITH PEOPLE BECAUSE I REALLY CARE ABOUT OTHERS AND PEOPLE TURN ME AWAY BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT SMART AND NOT LIKEABLE I DESERVE TO FUCKING DIE I SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN BORN MY BRAIN IS IN SO MUCH PAIN FROM WEED, SHROOMS AND ACID. I NEVER ASKED TO BE LIKE THIS I WANTED TI SHARE MY FUCKING LOVE WITH EVERYONE BUT MY LIFE IS FUCKING OVER I SHOULD FUCKING END IT. MY WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY THINKS IM A LAZY LOSER IM NOT IM NOT I'M IN SO MUCH FUCKIING PAIN AT 20 AND I WANT TO FUCKING END IT ALL. WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME. I SHOULD BE FUCKING KILLED I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER TO THE WORLD I NEED TO FUCKING END IT. MY HEARR IS IN SO MUCH PAIN I CAN BARELY FUCKING MOVE RIGHT NOW. PLEASE END MY FUCKING LIFE",0.5011320754716984,2.9555713647798783,2.623733333333337,87.57960000000004,96.35849056603772,4.808150943396226,20.82540880503145,6.55674776486733,0.7536121257861641,1266,46,234,18,50,424,143,318,0.247,0.669,0.084,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,2,8,43,21,0,6,0,20,34,4,0,5,47,67,19,6,11,6,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,0,0,9,18,0,2,5,0,0,3,10,33,0,0,3,5,42,10,40,55,7,34,0,4,4,21,11,19,18,1,12,151,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669726815956588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803925501637187,0.0,0.04423942349161783,0.0,0.0,0.1435178131000771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256423327692592,0.0,0.0,0.04800794074289644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049369418519242064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172243404346773,0.0,0.048544231074956604,0.0,0.0,0.14660541275699274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296610263648383,0.16681905447637854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998655433096349,0.0,0.0,0.13316720615618324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043036311801865165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7400238643026038,0.0,0.0,0.026760407631132768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664890012297038,0.10010173681542422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040719374768088,0.0,0.1525848684360591,0.09829238226398056,0.0,0.08370549136761148,0.05209436150724977,0.0,0.0258775714236906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651733543144632,0.04600828195507158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749252152593754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490446327653504,0.0,0.04754405687053608,0.0,0.0,0.05004561847226628,0.1384563154607623,0.03491412736619775,0.1089482976619506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518087570045353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25051738371876503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793178737761488,0.0,0.0,0.0516869619090066,0.0,0.0,0.04509595990483408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508244520300119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040211710753767824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047654166816786137,0.15008773891980964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833373222711712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656986487081568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060342401465898324,0.0,0.03738151158773145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051216714356030084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886452342298594,0.03737516218933033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995337974774402,0.052570522545734716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BambooSnowman,2019/02/14,"I'm tired. I don't know where to begin.

I guess I'll first say, this is not my regular account. If I make it through, I don't want this to follow me for everyone to judge and bring up at a later date.

With that said... I still think about suicide almost every day. Some days I don't, but those are still few and far between. I thought by the age of 26 with an adorable little girl, full-time job, in college full-time with a scholarship, and in my own place I would be happy. Especially with the antidepressant I'm on that's been helping for about 2 years now. But I'm still not. Am I just destined to never be happy no matter what I do? I know, i know, ""you choose and make your own happiness."" I think that's bullshit. Even on the days I wake up and am thankful for everything in my life and love it, I still usually get at least one thought of, ""what if I just ended it already? Why not?"" My answer to why not is usually my daughter. 

I don't want her growing up wondering what her life could have been like with a mom. I'm not a terrible mom either. She has manners, she's smart, she's funny, and she's so sweet. Especially to me. She hugs me when she sees me crying. She's understanding when I tell her mommy had a rough day and my brain is sick today. She tells me she loves me when she sees I'm not doing well. But I never let her go without a bath or a meal or hugs and kisses or ""I love you's"" even on my worst days. Because she's more important than me.

But when do I get to say enough is enough? I can't keep going like this. I'm tired of living. And what's worse is that I believe in God, but it makes me hate myself even more that I'm almost willing to risk going to hell just to get away from how I feel here. But what loving God would send me to hell because I was hurting so bad I couldn't take it anymore? Would he really do that? Am I forever destined to be in pain even if I get away from here? 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I keep doing what has to be done every day but no one is ever really pleased with me. I bust my ass and watch as my mental health deteriorates because it's either that or I lose my job and scholarship, and then my apartment. I do what I can, when I can, but something always falls short. And I'm willing to bet if I didn't have chronic depression like this, I'd be a great person. I care a lot about people, a lot of the time too much. I'm pretty smart. I'm a good friend to the few I have. I'm loyal and loving and I'm funny on good days. I'm determined. But none of that helps me out of this shit with this black cloud that constantly embraces me. 

I am tired. Tired of asking ""what if I just did it already?"" Tired of telling myself not to because of (insert reason here). Tired of begging someone to love me and seemingly being accepted just to be pushed away and told I'm too much with my depression. Tired of constantly looking for the next thing that just might help me be a little happier. I'm so tired of fighting every damn day.

If it weren't Valentines day I would probably end it tonight. I just dont want to ruin valentines day for my daughter for the rest of her life. I'll probably wait until tomorrow so she can at least still have her day of love every year. I just hope she can forgive me and, when she's old enough, understand that it's not her fault in the slightest. She actually saved me from years worth of destructiveness. But I'm just too tired to keep going.",1.5343797413793112,3.184654335172418,3.2483825431034496,91.9499186422414,78.75172413793103,6.351939655172415,21.810883620689655,7.231253607405505,0.5306762931034479,2663,76,605,33,64,886,269,725,0.149,0.624,0.227,0.9972,2,0,1,0,2,2,90.0,0,3,0,2,44,50,7,1,21,0,61,31,4,5,3,118,130,53,1,16,41,4,2,3,1,7,16,3,1,2,38,28,1,4,18,1,5,10,24,18,1,3,12,11,99,32,83,100,21,85,2,5,5,11,54,27,5,21,51,418,137,5,0.0,0.0,0.045987921589048734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943792371193369,0.0,0.10400884582750168,0.0,0.03921238855812394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347213658212918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405620282411246,0.0,0.13282854429920465,0.0,0.03934802216242081,0.11490964809521405,0.0,0.0,0.05309456809771888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052607908190762526,0.0,0.0,0.04804782989460103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185236049001084,0.0,0.03762606653992652,0.0,0.05176540951765314,0.3343142210413228,0.0,0.0811786568830012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048225990915740174,0.0552310130856735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347883109155453,0.14608045225616806,0.0,0.12450442000727273,0.042627927344199665,0.15882186460622205,0.04503066147380174,0.04235357395740644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023828188724801386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008512803272479,0.0,0.0,0.03640922770078345,0.0,0.09848501068527901,0.0,0.10713056997439348,0.07905366508376042,0.0,0.051956291689273834,0.05191431258615023,0.0,0.0,0.15049867081421262,0.0,0.04652690906525847,0.0,0.050092455000512535,0.0,0.0,0.0947621649371932,0.0,0.0,0.046806490372942273,0.0,0.0,0.05044907640640961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353004520498227,0.1256625617003816,0.0,0.0,0.10359629099774292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818925920699619,0.09985890568505026,0.06906976442581167,0.09446473820465903,0.04161288937742783,0.0,0.03957375037182902,0.052721645688727004,0.0,0.08012923315941188,0.2977297244736113,0.0,0.09437038666003633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749165905875775,0.049992960006325436,0.0,0.11038618781300984,0.0,0.0,0.06928567847472479,0.0,0.07269254755724726,0.0,0.050118756197794365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494505338441526,0.0,0.0638672383718285,0.0,0.05014510704811166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032671052527146215,0.04114837604440112,0.04923636522691004,0.05172990790987298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794381679408629,0.10161903068060382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060379908014752376,0.04845310667595624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482736781230685,0.07495255550345342,0.0,0.0,0.07510622240083635,0.042901501275703836,0.0,0.0,0.048373892074580316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03992948424518815,0.03627969489213435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817337322294408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154790773749557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03543268954346468,0.0,0.1235699145287279,0.043387047319560494,0.0,0.0,0.03130824582084135,0.06039253915497737,0.0,0.07482514276499727,0.027479396367033282,0.4874769224610104,0.04466968864748129,0.04503066147380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811910891633918,0.0,0.0,0.10380468341908768,0.0,0.08338794245170439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237169736345945,0.0,0.08504729586157488,0.0,0.0,0.045427529025489084,0.051105851800900284,0.0,0.0,0.04802515232459639,0.133907086562688,0.0,0.0,0.09104228913773628
suicidewatch,HollieSk8rGrrl,2019/02/14,"I'm not of this world. I am barely human I think. I can't enjoy anything in life anymore and the older I get the less I feel like a person. I don't exist on the same wavelength as anyone I've ever met.

I can't see how people can even enjoy anything and think positively about anything. It literally feels alien to like watch tv and like it like a normal person would. When I go anywhere and see people being happy smiling or laughing I literally can't even imagine how it's possible anymore. I can't even fake laugh anymore it gets worse over time.

I can't remember the last time I smiled.

When I see the sad eyes of people I love it feels like a knife in my back.

I can't trust anyone. 

My brains getting worse and worse it feels like a prison.

I'm just deeply miserable all the time and nothing I do can ever help it. The most I can do is distract myself with music or drugs or skating or games but I don't even enjoy any of them anymore. It's just filling the time and another minute spent not killing myself or trying not to hurt myself.

I can't work and the only jobs I might be able to get pay minimum wage and don't have enough hours to survive. So I just leech off my uncle but even he's a bit of a horrible person, even though he was nice to even let me leech off him.

I have no idea how people can just go through the motions, working, chatting and moving like ants.

Normal things feel alien because I'm like an alien.

There's no way for someone like me to survive comfortably in this world so I think about killing myself every day. 

I know people don't want to hear it but that's just the way I feel every minute of every day.",2.049561403508772,3.799398459064328,3.485239766081872,90.37978947368424,77.56725146198829,5.729590643274852,22.218713450292398,6.42735559955562,0.3897934502923977,1291,37,273,10,30,424,155,342,0.111,0.728,0.161,0.9555,2,0,1,0,0,5,24.0,0,0,1,4,26,26,2,2,18,0,27,5,2,3,3,53,54,27,2,4,16,0,6,9,0,2,2,1,0,4,13,11,0,0,13,3,3,5,16,7,0,0,3,12,36,19,25,46,6,30,0,3,5,1,14,9,0,7,23,171,49,5,0.07445208212459074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506299689154041,0.07806949970426001,0.0,0.0,0.2953458383853497,0.10411725383729477,0.0,0.1838031595800467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724905550104629,0.0,0.04538529822390819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812823907598428,0.0,0.0,0.0831131464329385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603086740656501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634077829283966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692890313075694,0.0,0.3442242864828771,0.13469234148767156,0.18818727084581796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258712585417557,0.15956574703811113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559256005492325,0.0,0.08462566804062155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792556258524685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391290756692464,0.0,0.049903661265577305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332030366284856,0.0,0.07970249376896295,0.08404733838008006,0.0,0.0,0.07388220336392334,0.0,0.16474039575435415,0.0,0.04091691724551686,0.0606883839185712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761322982552873,0.052587707414249625,0.3273617394553077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719591092080263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898189356921356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913078070594265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589446561658848,0.07143878078230376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662416339506216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580784967690206,0.1950260590815381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393353596457567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843396954811434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798601032919376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308300757802722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049462655120792884,0.14311766394636755,0.07314879267354232,0.0,0.1736544312585329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054807659957289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043913767024016316,0.11819319466266193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840400501344104,0.0,0.227619096912842,0.05288862300671692,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Miserable-b-tch,2019/02/14,"Earth to anti-choice people here: Hotlines and platitudes don't actually solve the underlying reasons why people want to die! I know, it's an earth shattering revelation, but those hotlines do in fact send cops to your door, and your get stuck with a $5000 medical bill after a hospital stay you didn't ask for! Also, in some states it stays on your record forever and if you try to apply for a public service job, you're actually fucked!

Will a platitude like ""Life is beautiful, you shouldn't hurt others"" actually help a person? Seriously, if you're one of those people who says things like ""there's always a way,"" seriously sit and think about it for a second. Would you deign say that to people who actually have permanent problems for life? Would you say that to a hospital ward full of terminally ill children? Would you say that to a homeless man who has been on the streets for 20 years and has suffered from poverty for years on end?  Is there no limit to the amount of human suffering one person should be able to take? For the love of God, try to put yourself in another person's shoes without passing judgment or issuing easy maxims that don't actually solve anything. ",8.644659600489195,7.630224089686103,8.667036282103549,69.03217284957198,61.466367713004466,12.055279249898085,36.864655523848356,11.20814326018867,4.097380269058297,944,37,169,22,11,309,133,223,0.16899999999999998,0.7040000000000001,0.127,-0.8627,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,9,0,1,5,10,1,0,14,0,17,7,1,1,1,24,26,10,1,9,5,0,0,2,0,6,4,4,1,6,14,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,6,7,0,3,3,4,10,3,33,16,3,21,0,3,0,2,27,9,1,4,6,107,24,2,0.10736697993903564,0.0,0.523873422737223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586133506662537,0.08933792829871279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125836399655144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835387623025334,0.0,0.10037363276608348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142997411669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950952760179736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925904286517294,0.056094815609470015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196582345433125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114938572641435,0.0,0.0,0.1120632322392278,0.1065451605927094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059006084285392835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167294629952974,0.10490816616515006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690289128174867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816093670940324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550928857194298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977389805048193,0.2812461166358789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273569957428906,0.0,0.10793346979757623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110391137322586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34153012737019434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887782996753064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072660692863555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132985067091299,0.06879642545629595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579026324988792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332782655057227,0.08522291115405332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688199952954232,0.0,0.0,0.10349793726161642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288112661186348,0.0,0.0,0.1382816298320542
suicidewatch,CAdollarsignH,2019/02/14,I'm calling it. Life blows. I'm broke. My degree is worthless. I'm a toxic individual. No one wants to have anything to do with me. Friend blocked me. I guess I was too toxic. World's not getting better anyway. I'm sorry. I tried man. Peace. ,-1.9196666666666684,-1.1463024999999971,1.1389999999999991,94.31783333333335,124.0,2.466666666666667,16.166666666666668,4.7782277997778095,-0.7855333333333334,185,6,39,1,12,64,38,50,0.257,0.618,0.125,-0.6131,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,6,2,3,10,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29839467679977744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206964373639791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37026230368208135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801492799041859,0.0,0.189447199014903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994525071296102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561200578929507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457118973571601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405908865640497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461863606845857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387501196602784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneRoundBoi,2019/02/14,"Confused I dont know if I  should even be here if I'm honest like most people have told me ""I'm to young to be depressed"" but I'm being to fear myself and I'm worried that I'll do something I will regret. I'm interested in any place I can get help if anyone know somewhere.",1.2708196721311469,2.498074114754104,3.676196721311477,90.43560655737707,78.34426229508195,5.5357377049180325,22.036065573770493,5.6839178017228535,0.13106950819672125,215,6,49,1,5,75,41,61,0.219,0.616,0.165,-0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,18,5,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,3,4,12,1,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,5,2,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204596040608914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036925708740328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591314470338109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526072712107379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871608965573934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33855267250639554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718764210892405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016610265727249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33069106861759656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698566256350465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857938385649344,0.0,0.3143360843312025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316177723633303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874859209709192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30553931349558666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toasterforked,2019/02/14,Would letting a health condition go longer count as suicide? In your moral stance would you consider letting a condition go count as suicide. Knowingly of course? Or would that be natural. I'm not suicidal just curious about others views on the matter. ,4.180984848484847,7.559327249999999,4.433636363636363,76.33712121212123,83.31818181818181,9.296969696969695,32.333333333333336,9.2995712137729,4.3681787878787866,205,11,31,7,6,64,35,44,0.212,0.654,0.134,-0.7296,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,10,3,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411505358804753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255158797312388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659744317288084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338954113369469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6962049531176163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521365706889802,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nickolay1986,2019/02/14,"After dour years of being suicidal It's been about four years ago since I started to get suicidal thoughts, since then life has been an absolute rollercoaster. I've been been jumping from feeling sorry for my self to being happy for 5 min to living not to dissapoint my friends again, ( absolutely horeorible in grammar and not native English) I'm having a moment where I'm feeling absolutely happy about the amazing friends I have, the beyond this world amazing women by my side and the legend who raised me!!! ( my mom) readig your stories gets me through the shitty times. Thanks to all and stay strong, thank your friends and love your mother/so. Lets say cheers to  all our friends an work towards loving ourselves and each other. Love you all!!!",6.870334967320262,8.138499154411768,6.181274509803924,77.66045751633989,64.80882352941177,8.397385620915033,33.49346405228758,8.515128840125781,2.76959248366013,599,25,100,8,9,183,92,136,0.079,0.604,0.317,0.9911,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,4,0,2,5,15,0,0,7,0,10,4,0,0,3,14,23,6,2,0,2,1,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,3,13,15,18,15,4,18,0,0,0,3,17,6,0,0,10,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297232521409193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798970924784918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522535123090931,0.0,0.15291519075278814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115673176451048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964449336196972,0.10336560189848673,0.0,0.0,0.12922256641182842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962377969474164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713938481444729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637694144996125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266650303747073,0.0,0.0,0.24211104064569805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381776014746385,0.10358154010125167,0.1559809790276795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32014854198576986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694638938821797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161791109063101,0.08533313055454564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653863590357468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884787531042817
suicidewatch,Gamerguywon,2019/02/14,"Does anyone else feel that suicide awareness programs only hurt you more? Yesterday the yellow ribbon program came to my college and set up booths at every main building on campus, put yellow ribbons on a bunch of trees, and signs along the long walkway to get to a class. Today there are still posters everywhere, and people wearing shirts about suicide awareness. Most of them in big yellow letters saying ""SUICIDE"" with some bullshit under it in smaller letters.

Does anyone else feel that this just reminds them that suicide is an option? And I've been in a good mood recently and slowly getting better. This just brings back to my mind all of the a thousand and one reasons why I hate myself and don't deserve to live and often puts me out of a good, or even just neutral mood if I was in one before.",9.443396404919582,7.904580662251657,8.37385052034059,73.44728476821194,60.258278145695364,9.423273415326396,39.45222327341533,6.868970318607317,3.139822327341534,644,27,106,3,7,199,104,151,0.149,0.799,0.052000000000000005,-0.9587,0,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,1,2,1,9,7,1,0,9,0,5,2,2,1,1,27,12,10,4,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,12,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,3,3,6,9,3,22,9,6,22,0,1,3,0,6,11,0,6,6,78,15,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475960425838592,0.2707404940111125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015903939905001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242247363458764,0.0,0.0,0.11684741272970685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511075085113418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312342652961256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207348529495335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872625273124254,0.0,0.11131490189023988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336054073763581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805214199281693,0.0,0.0,0.2216281994845168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043892490990086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143478303963186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666239305029072,0.11692005053620258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334012641522533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905281218017216,0.10048150171807964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915938121171681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562965822026696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135839050354534,0.13045033852797694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506533697958882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550940517214856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5780614961722755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523217811578674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192157190489316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JSG_100001,2019/02/14,"I ruined my family. So. I've been diagnosed with major depression, PTSD, and have been told that I may have Dissociative Identity Disorder. Yesterday, I told my single mum that I wanted to go meet my idols in Birmingham, UK. I live in Singapore. I wanted to go there on the 27th of February. They disagreed (which is sensible). I initially said I was ok with not going. But then I sensed something change within me, and I flipped out. I lost my shit, I went berserk. Started cutting myself, almost cut vertically. Blood was dripping. Argued with my mum, she broke down. Then I felt something change again, and I broke down crying as well. Then I felt something change AGAIN and I went all stone-faced. I didn't give a shit that she was crying. I just left the room. And then I fell asleep and woke up the next day feeling terrible. I don't know what's happening. I wanna die.",1.78104077559167,4.490965473053893,3.0563387510692905,87.31423153692616,85.88622754491018,6.773766752209866,22.32363843741089,7.957251820313856,1.4915243227830055,682,24,131,15,21,220,105,167,0.266,0.701,0.034,-0.9899,0,0,3,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,5,0,4,1,11,5,4,0,1,23,30,13,1,3,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,4,0,0,6,3,11,1,0,15,4,31,2,16,14,3,26,0,5,0,0,11,10,2,2,10,87,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367332137169546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42365166753937655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932701909273193,0.08609153236431814,0.0,0.1149767790167984,0.1354919412494507,0.13854399992753805,0.0,0.15299381639181836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584472191783178,0.0,0.06749775112270295,0.0,0.2563472110471725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280580411886942,0.2276003633746148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180468581721429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336391309217155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503984598657232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787620465548435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572268647470246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197064541867932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604543191592718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269818092774978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27405599022203736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083068350161341,0.0,0.0,0.09448658356306856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25511535233777555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574745119808747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200256686026862,0.247497520915974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seanlad_420,2019/02/14,"Feel close to the edge again I've struggle to talk to anyone about what I did to myself. 5th of March 2018,  I attempted to hang myself. In my bedroom I looped a belt around my neck and tied it to a beam at the top of my closet, I stood on a bench and gradually lowered myself. Nearly instantly as soon as the belt tightened, my vision faded to black. This was it. Peace. I then woke up, on the floor, belt still tight around my neck. Upon realising what I had done, I let out the most blood curdling scream I'll ever hear. 
You know the pins and needles feeling when you foot goes numb from sitting on it and the feeling starts to come back? I experienced that throughout my whole body, I lay on the floor, almost unable to move from the sensation.  I don't know how long I was suspended in that closet, all I know is if that belt didn't break I wouldn't be writing this. I looked in the mirror, my face bruised and extremely purple and splotchy, I looked like someone who was strangled and yet still alive. 
Since the attempt almost a year ago, I've seriously struggled with reality. I ask myself all the time, how do I know I'm actually alive and didn't die that day? Everything seems so surreal lately, I hate taking these medications, I feel spaced out and wacky the whole time, nothing feels real anymore. I have such strange surreal dreams every night I question myself, what is my reality? I haven't felt alive in a long time 


I haven't taken my Paxil in a few days, I just don't see the point anymore. Every time I see a psychiatrist they try to prescribe me a new medication on top of what I'm taking, I've seen probably 5 different psychiatrists in the last year alone and each gives me new meds. 

Ever since the attempt my anxiety has worsened. I have zero energy to do anything.  I've isolated myself, living in the same room I failed to kill myself in, staring at the closet I hung myself in. I live in constant fear that I'll one day have the energy to make an attempt again. 
The last week has been quite rough, I just can't stop thinking about the Attempt as it's coming close to 5th of March. I wake up everyday with the same feeling I had when I woke up on the floor, terrified, wondering if I'm actually alive or if this is all just a hallucination of some sort. I don't know. I'm so confused as to my purpose in life, I feel like such a heavy burden on my mother who I live with. If it wasn't for her I probably would have attempted again by now. 

I told my doctors about the attempt and it's like they ignored me, I feel so helpless. 

I don't know what to expect by posting this.  I feel out of options. My mother tells me she's always there to talk, but as per usual tonight she's drinking her cans of cider and ignores me, telling me not to worry and I'll be okay. She tells me because I'm 22 I shouldn't be this way, and Then i feel guilty for the way I am. I hate myself come to think of it. 

I suppose I'm just trying to make sense of the clusterfuck of thoughts racing through my brain. Constant worrying about things, creating scenarios in my mind in which I die. I imagine the situation that would have unfolded had I died that day. My mother would have arrived home, to see I'm not around. She would have called my name, and then entered my room to find me. I'm terrified of the thought of attempting suicide again, I'm terrified because I now know what I am capable of doing to myself. 
Right now even writing this is bringing me back to that moment, looks like I won't be sleeping again tonight.  

Life just feels unbearable, I always think to myself, man it would be great to stop existing right now. But ever since the failed attempt, I'm terrified at the thought of attempting again. 
I feel shaky the whole time, always worrying About something, literally anything. I want it to stop. I want everything to stop. I just want peace 

I apologise for the long post, I'm new to Reddit. ",4.030761782974061,5.148678337595911,5.005943551333576,84.04437020460358,71.25063938618925,8.143259042747534,28.158659115820235,8.527137837955566,1.9203784435513327,3068,111,626,50,56,1004,305,782,0.12,0.7829999999999999,0.097,-0.9783,2,1,2,0,0,3,86.0,0,2,2,15,44,23,3,5,43,1,52,16,9,4,6,119,120,37,5,15,15,3,15,4,0,8,6,2,7,1,34,30,1,7,31,2,0,7,15,17,0,2,22,28,107,6,98,84,12,122,0,3,10,0,30,47,0,16,66,411,141,3,0.0,0.0,0.1076622730039442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889867647844578,0.0,0.11047556446936416,0.0571322379294088,0.0,0.0,0.13770012003826254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042199548606330385,0.0,0.10941375843090492,0.038571256402738126,0.0,0.09078890749941404,0.14732031174364546,0.05156996415659113,0.0,0.0,0.0848338932179741,0.0,0.06725371291274089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061273664062453576,0.0,0.061580158203421276,0.056327596725307114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255413562183172,0.0,0.11922322494982004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230230140738434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175147335434446,0.05763360042828958,0.0,0.05646167410321379,0.0,0.05645090733011698,0.0,0.054038745109554864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036434645211854855,0.14969429122068922,0.09295442344094984,0.0,0.09915390573295432,0.0,0.0,0.062073717984614876,0.33470487959038075,0.03940846251233493,0.05296513647969441,0.0,0.050417988126804286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291738186793376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081740886345265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892409599581468,0.0,0.0,0.06217271689322555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533299273998851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102969306566228,0.0,0.21221301824324376,0.08993042480544318,0.06222627350548918,0.0,0.0,0.05640791104850595,0.07792652501100186,0.10779943337267724,0.0,0.14612983480761724,0.1464525733085926,0.13896909565933893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364346971270873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061273664062453576,0.11114185021570762,0.0,0.0,0.05569891086008232,0.0,0.0,0.058629545430144064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983032482733775,0.0,0.05176674429154264,0.0,0.05293039201666354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03737988049906352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214687093434772,0.0,0.10566182257979777,0.0,0.11895010086884047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061795191373024215,0.05867264703534816,0.0,0.06278757755306133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421781144610487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187332142347838,0.05021832888968605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368942258192826,0.06200552998939943,0.05520284406860181,0.0,0.04673943597763991,0.042467177043579496,0.0,0.0,0.03904465957304337,0.0,0.08810649570571623,0.18447497222560189,0.0,0.11533670209901425,0.0,0.060339375251717835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295143079049078,0.08867586937919354,0.14464469596984394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03664785004809499,0.1060386805910724,0.0,0.13137979500212835,0.1608299620544085,0.0,0.0,0.05271061619683125,0.0,0.07490412016568151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060754257744141886,0.0,0.09760971049853323,0.08757165308098608,0.044248436036289016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847625786614837,0.0,0.0,0.059821926916543776,0.0,0.16806213082349478,0.0,0.19593108381130894,0.0,0.0,0.0710463345545433
suicidewatch,xploosiveadooturd,2019/02/14,"Been wondering something... You know how you always see these people on this sub saying that they've decided to kill themselves on a certain day? Do you ever think about them on that day, or after that day, and wonder what happened to them? It struck me today, because I once saw this person say that they would kill themselves on Valentines Day a while a go  and I suddenly remembered today.",5.935890410958905,7.2224461506849345,5.783452054794522,79.60230136986304,66.94520547945207,8.031780821917808,29.668493150684927,8.238735603445708,2.20666794520548,311,11,53,4,5,97,51,73,0.153,0.82,0.027000000000000003,-0.8924,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,3,0,3,3,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,2,13,11,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,9,1,8,8,0,15,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,3,10,38,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483234769175968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866335336596418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598421289448586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124298034306972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013071328160261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576314101002931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944282518358359,0.0,0.09796497128564303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983708489281964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358043678468555,0.1556464788002275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019295783324285,0.0,0.0,0.2835130438344114,0.0,0.0,0.14204714956506231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372303673859238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421940510038787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379321574966009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866225909043485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662812310861266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway02051999,2019/02/14,"My last 24 hours on this planet Going to hopefully end it tomorrow if I dont pussy out of it. What do i do in my last 24 hours? I was thinking about visiting as many friends and family as I can and spending a little time with each of them. Maybe have a really nice breakfast and lunch. Idk. I really dont want to be a coward, I really need to die. ",1.6504000000000012,2.842881173333332,4.389000000000003,85.85950000000003,77.26666666666667,8.733333333333334,21.833333333333336,9.2995712137729,1.5719333333333334,268,7,61,7,6,96,51,75,0.132,0.75,0.117,-0.0441,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,11,13,6,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,9,3,12,11,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727169934363748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46812686281641797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688740947885934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827267423330565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429861402956502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350212234033842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836115864599246,0.3933563075626991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325587285070843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001659895045089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247874549717826,0.2006396513644696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808547053349155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38382588880243307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279687276796966,0.0,0.0,0.11645489458462373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779654737360487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Just_an_normalLegend,2019/02/14,Help I am depressed and suicidal but im not in to sh and when i ask for help people dont belive me becouse im not in to sh am i just seeking attention help i dont even belive myself?,-2.1831782945736435,-0.3753385813953472,2.023604651162792,93.31897286821709,97.6046511627907,4.7271317829457375,18.794573643410853,6.42735559955562,0.14582480620155058,143,5,34,2,6,54,26,43,0.112,0.684,0.204,0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075501536976425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338334331091734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534985932079646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596541117058224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748303720295405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101341815539259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370677090739108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582941432855833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NcBarny,2019/02/14,"Sooo... contemplating suicide I don't even know if this is even the correct subreddit for this, but fuck it. Well I have been depressed for quite some time now, but it has been on and off. Getting a therapyst helped but now I feel like I'm losing myself again. Certain situation like losing a relationship and problems in school and family problems and problems with my hobbies make it feel even worse. I feel like I don't count to anything... Never feel like I'm important in any aspect. And my ex, who was a person I cared about deeply, said I am all the things I don't like in other people (selfish, a dick,...). I've never felt like suicide is the best option and even helped people with their own depression, but I'm really thinking about it and just... Idk if it's even worth it to live on. I'm just a waste of scape and people's time. Sorry for the long rant... ",3.1968687707641195,4.865925680232556,4.2258471760797365,86.64755813953491,74.17441860465118,7.007308970099668,23.913621262458467,7.7094869923839395,1.095217940199336,675,20,137,9,14,219,94,172,0.242,0.5760000000000001,0.182,-0.9408,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,4,14,19,1,0,9,0,11,2,1,1,5,36,27,14,2,5,8,1,5,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,0,7,0,1,0,5,9,1,0,5,6,12,10,16,22,4,14,0,4,0,2,8,6,2,4,14,91,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769123674382222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307225508767568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869222703020033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153137209821576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948269674207404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37350979173404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662129234623717,0.0,0.2287484876756686,0.2423975291641094,0.10859442698379183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455979241058612,0.05909045771681764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161805602463596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062157197427570365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315317907498822,0.0,0.09987000714613542,0.10009057741120944,0.0,0.2530615494604544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549560830090375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744604941552322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522939393348666,0.09875518549873456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246663410376204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029653670143188,0.0,0.0,0.07245521682264222,0.0,0.0,0.12142784564765552,0.0,0.0,0.1075846837539223,0.0,0.0,0.1144639659796525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712994710410308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660699544111167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474276596089721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513909225338346,0.07247037405016726,0.0,0.0,0.13189987778333576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169112940227534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525929531952507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butwhateverwhocares,2019/02/14,"She left me because i'm fucking worthless and everyone knows it The last time I remember being truly happy was a year ago to the day. When I went to see her for Valentine's. It was the perfect weekend. I had never felt so in love. I had just bought a new car solely to make seeing her easier and it really felt like 2018 was going to be our year. Everything was only going to get better. I wanted to marry her. I had purpose.

Sometime before May she had already forgotten me. The next time I saw her she was ice cold and I wouldn't know for months it was because she had already starting cheating on me. I wouldn't confirm it until October. She'd ghost me when I found out. I haven't heard a word from her since. She doesn't even reference me on social media. I'm like something that didn't even happen to her. I wasn't a part of her life at all as far as she's concerned. I don't matter.

That love was real but it taught me that everyone will always play romance as a game to get whatever they can get that's ""best."" I could find another girlfriend, but even i'm playing that game. I don't want just anyone. I want someone like her. I want HER. She was perfect. She was better than I could have ever hoped to have, and now it bit me in the ass. She saw a better man than me, and honestly it took her too long considering, and she left without a second thought. It'll always be like that. Especially for me. I'm nobody's first choice. I'm someone you settle for when you run out of options.

It's all bullshit and now i'm cursed with knowing what that pure perfect happiness really felt like. What it felt like to know I was genuinely loved by someone amazing. She's gone. She won't come back. Nobody is going to replace her. 

She was the only thing that gave me any reason to live on this shitty dying planet in this slowly crumbling empire surrounded by people who can't possibly understand what it's like to live this way. All I feel is isolation. All I feel is laughter at my expense. There's nothing left for me.

If I die tonight it will hurt people. I have a few friends. I have parents. I have a little sister who's struggling too. And it's so hard to rationalize hurting them.

But i'll be dead. And there's no afterlife. No god. No nothing. I'll just be gone. There won't be a soul left to feel empathy. It won't matter then. So why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I escape? Why shouldn't I just get out of everyone's way?

Why the fuck does everyone think I should stay in this living hell just because it'll make them sad

I can't take this",0.9431793496041364,3.2015498994307414,2.8435637636589703,90.85917931688809,84.16129032258064,5.6079172937250545,21.420172740954,6.953978226594392,0.6049158803899761,1995,65,418,26,58,665,226,527,0.145,0.682,0.174,0.964,1,1,1,0,0,1,59.0,1,2,3,8,23,35,4,1,17,0,56,7,1,3,10,74,112,24,4,14,10,2,8,7,2,14,1,1,0,1,35,14,0,0,19,5,2,10,21,9,0,2,34,14,73,26,46,55,8,57,2,4,4,6,46,19,4,4,32,274,108,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060289118471490766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010732069018712,0.0,0.11318396118123562,0.0,0.0,0.04625094030979093,0.07131720299631455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755603248042835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052297536528117514,0.0,0.12437965679596055,0.0,0.057873763360303226,0.0,0.07137508947464588,0.1804550094377811,0.07425220840155014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858688339546338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860514779264396,0.0,0.0,0.04386253844772912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117280426158316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595183361381952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347651592950069,0.061521343779029174,0.0,0.2599560408140557,0.061125392343493484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316773168444196,0.0,0.2612112734372698,0.0,0.062162338087227764,0.05785153292148555,0.0,0.0745723699975141,0.05254641155837565,0.12575321443513046,0.14213522863843492,0.0,0.11595948422650923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014336965565816,0.14480148019219402,0.06092598333246736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755191642493558,0.0,0.0,0.14561791606110314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495119146010205,0.05543939453736298,0.0,0.0,0.29558381161655256,0.0,0.048039352358859665,0.2325928478269132,0.06816655179078977,0.18016927159202806,0.06018906289858655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415224016350348,0.0,0.09079795589392316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428705546045893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245555539602556,0.06568704978548663,0.07233223433372975,0.0,0.0,0.1305199610644556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034533837321818,0.0,0.0,0.0755200089600079,0.07365108181038478,0.0,0.09430282818659144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667405382716291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741329570142888,0.08714130171818425,0.06992834084810566,0.0,0.0,0.0770450842654477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839456703950677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056260774270783576,0.0,0.0,0.06933034071895676,0.17288071554587126,0.052359467624010315,0.06726625873759688,0.0,0.048139710033171385,0.0724924450219865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711015982203893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051137055217762434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045184588467316614,0.04357976559640775,0.0,0.053994454083945834,0.07931745670325177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755645665552538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080357651678648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046251348085647,0.10797056582239152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304841619588783,0.24548338388254745,0.0,0.0,0.06556177614835924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875958449061927
suicidewatch,throwawaysuicidal98,2019/02/14,"Nothing has ever gone right in my life I moved out of my abusive dad's house at 18, got kicked out of my brother's house and then my grandmother's at 19, I got fired from my job shortly after that, my job still refuses to pay me for my time, I had to leave my boyfriend to move in with my mom halfway across the country, I was promised I'd get help in getting a job and a car and just my life together, I end up living with bed bugs for an entire year and they still haven't gone away, I've been threatened to get kicked out by my mom's boyfriend more times than I can count, every plan that I've made to see my boyfriend - the only person in this world keeping me from tipping over the edge - has gone to shit and I'm just convinced I'll never be able to see him again, I finally found a therapist who I can talk to and get my feelings across and I was just told hours ago that I'm not allowed to see her anymore because the facility doesn't allow people with bed bugs inside.

I'm at my breaking point. Everytime I get the tiniest glimmer of hope that things will turn out okay, it burns out and I'm back to being alone in the dark. I'm a waste of space who makes everyone around me miserable and at this point I don't see a point in staying alive anymore. I'm never going to get better, I'm always going to be an unproductive lazy piece of shit and I'm never going to stop wanting to die so why keep going?

I'm home alone and I brought a knife to my room. I've been contemplating cutting, but I'm too terrified to do it. I don't fucking know what to do anymore ",3.8534887368120927,3.974657074850304,4.9212403763900765,88.10783433133732,71.06586826347305,7.799030510407758,28.180211006558316,7.447530270364453,1.3498749928714004,1229,41,278,12,21,405,168,334,0.105,0.85,0.045,-0.9436,4,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,11,10,4,1,14,1,19,5,2,4,4,42,61,14,1,2,5,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,12,20,0,4,3,0,1,11,8,5,0,0,14,6,34,5,53,43,2,61,0,1,4,1,14,30,3,1,18,161,46,4,0.08936575523419807,0.10588380675608718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792173499939914,0.0,0.0,0.18511194224199254,0.0,0.0,0.07435946729624304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658804476926769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955446879879244,0.0,0.0,0.0839620687833018,0.06871674955623205,0.0,0.05447653492781561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903674827357975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274754489992583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915153397605255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083644189537463,0.07529450309823038,0.0853928088115822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518601098691518,0.0,0.0,0.09789581669545773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798493797463592,0.0,0.08261720069342103,0.2801395120460569,0.0,0.2031544725369292,0.0,0.1429479163557862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989998198421005,0.0,0.08964113893820419,0.08876035911404921,0.08800726754513474,0.2062321661285838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660451681230901,0.1588647787211581,0.0,0.0,0.04911308196031056,0.0,0.0,0.0946254313966027,0.0,0.0,0.12624335156255478,0.0,0.0,0.07891159912833083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845600383761632,0.059652335555289225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932818490440766,0.0,0.18996331004482692,0.0,0.0,0.20677313898201094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574885235496002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796668383076708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195496248143874,0.0780307304726337,0.0,0.0,0.2534385727833724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631786668381425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848517467932867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346532705498828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525200458756826,0.1427352151369653,0.07471377290942086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718288089426047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376052969188687,0.05937063685285925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421978107485486,0.0,0.0,0.0853928088115822,0.0,0.0,0.09720427967219104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271023782400918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806386941448186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754861639944685
suicidewatch,SomeWolfsAltAccount,2019/02/14,"If I ever end up doing it, there's a good chance it'll be in the next 24 hours. The altercations, not only over the past day, but over the past month, have totaled me. With tonight's fiasco, I've lost two of my greatest supports. My entire future is hanging in a balance, and I don't do well with variables, which is ironic considering my career choice. With two friends left, a bad home life, a career I'm good at but which no longer fits my plans, and no concrete plans, I cannot continue.

I have a basic idea of what I could do. Dunno if it'll get the job done, but it's my best shot. Tomorrow determines everything.

I'm going to go nap now. Don't freak out, Reddit. I'm not gone yet. But despite not having seen everything I want to, I'm ready to go see what's on the other side.",2.2432447552447563,3.49880155757576,4.02060606060606,88.8432167832168,75.84848484848484,7.016317016317017,22.995337995338,7.61054688173877,0.8461841491841491,607,17,135,8,13,205,101,165,0.121,0.688,0.191,0.9244,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,0,0,11,0,16,1,0,0,2,21,30,8,0,4,9,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,1,1,0,5,8,3,1,2,4,2,12,6,16,22,3,30,0,1,2,0,1,11,0,3,14,85,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404980208419594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658848016805825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434951975747067,0.0,0.0,0.10851992001423598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721981412136866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903684996097472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220941473838046,0.0,0.0,0.3024595895588497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000461398615829,0.0,0.08791387929719029,0.0,0.28689433850594537,0.28227298029681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687880487358093,0.0,0.16571158219836868,0.0,0.0,0.18995580660124672,0.0,0.0,0.16698153450148595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282532617416253,0.0,0.11885373852066812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368605885157366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343111257319947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895654383299187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797655271590502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212645944709415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340890217642433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095025757145973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32874974166382104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924972279578216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129450712178485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArandomFatBoy,2019/02/14,Suicidal thoughts When I was jung my parents divorced my dad had big problems with alcohol he was hurting my mother hey was hurting me and my sister then they divorced my dad tryed to do a suicide he faild ...me and my sister is stayed with mom after few years she got a boyfriend he didn't like us he was starting to act like dad did he started beating up he wanted us to move out than i was at soical helper they told me to move to dad so I took it when I was moving and staying last few days with mom her bf tryed to suicide with gas he locked himself in a room and put a stove that used wood and he let.smoke.out into a close room my mom cracked the window to let smoke out I was calling.the ambulance...then I moved to dad I was deppresd.i was lost I didn't know what to do ....few days after my grandma.died.becuse off a heart atack I was completely lost.......then I went to high school I realized that my dad didn't change so didn't mom she still has that boyfriend he means more to her then ther own kids and now.i got lied and cheated and I'm thinking to suicide I'm scared thought. I want to do it but same time don't wanna hurt the rest. I hope I can get some people.that can help me,0.3844354838709663,2.739899862903229,1.3759677419354863,99.44645161290323,88.67741935483872,4.329032258064516,20.5,5.843745405466311,-0.16530322580645196,938,31,212,7,31,291,127,248,0.12,0.823,0.057,-0.8517,1,0,3,0,2,3,27.0,2,0,2,2,5,11,1,1,8,0,25,2,1,1,0,31,45,15,4,5,1,14,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,1,6,16,1,0,6,0,0,8,5,7,0,0,24,0,36,4,28,20,8,36,0,4,0,0,40,12,0,2,16,127,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668322537377504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570359029710536,0.0,0.09485441477889618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166892903686572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726601432897831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447117162464256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720551062411723,0.06063907342650916,0.09558485041538964,0.0,0.08985555179463939,0.0,0.0,0.2905449369462885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971907644276916,0.07374383512643948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850201731477249,0.0,0.08839659835429968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751392974850812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098546628656979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238220698631371,0.0,0.3846144430957428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045447169775233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865660577616049,0.0,0.09094574738502803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057466851245166,0.09155886864295074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280680234459737,0.1928545922344458,0.07224819527926245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958310616075925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057968509140634575,0.0,0.14364363654892118,0.0527528619187128,0.0,0.0,0.08644645010054222,0.10051374088683464,0.12284423430088585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176447349454394,0.07813566597293055,0.0,0.0,0.10672123349156984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386512962004365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825869490845539
suicidewatch,MattAFC02,2019/02/14,Everyone's gone now That really is the final nail in the coffin so to speak. If I could go back in time and tell myself that this is where I'd be in 2 years I think I wouldn't believe me.,-0.06290697674418766,1.4110361395348858,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,82.95348837209302,6.16046511627907,15.401162790697676,7.1686216300943375,-0.3880651162790696,146,2,37,2,4,51,35,43,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851089584922312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41774505732151496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296039762383528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542986963181878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061742518241251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107243155856951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753284976598396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32408036501343435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375825403142489,0.0,0.0,0.21620633563455124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387718597034133
suicidewatch,Flashy_Salamander,2019/02/14,"I've had enough. I feel stuck.  I have an active plan to kill myself tomorrow at 11:30 am EST. I feel like there is nothing left for me. I can no longer trust myself, I can't tell what is real or fake, I can't trust my own mind. I feel like im constantly being watched and judged on everythign I do, which makes me feel insane levels of stress. I've recently accepted the fact that I'm gay, which being a mildly homophobic person myself it does not help out in any way. I hate my life. I hate being me. I just want out as fast as I can. My grades are all falling, even in the classes I love and usually excel in. I feel like with everything caving in on me at this point in time, the only thing I can do to possibly get out is end it all. 

​

I feel like if I tried to get out of this that I would be entering into a world of everyone being against me. I'm afraid of failing classes nearing the end of the quarter, which will mean parents mad at me, If i tell people I'm gay I'm afraid of how they will react. I'm afraid to speak up about anything because I'm afraid of which will happen next. I feel like every option leads to something bad down the path. I just need help. Please. I don't want to die but I feel like its the only option I have left. I just don't want my life. I wish I could just be someone else.",1.0382087523783632,2.7356563992932905,2.9567667844522987,93.25071962489807,80.41342756183745,5.908616471867356,20.071894536558847,6.8449194561589275,0.17324691492253352,1023,26,235,11,26,343,144,283,0.101,0.769,0.13,0.7018,1,0,1,0,0,3,34.0,0,0,1,4,8,23,4,5,10,0,28,5,0,4,3,45,56,9,2,9,9,1,8,6,0,4,2,1,0,1,13,8,0,0,10,0,0,3,6,12,0,1,2,10,41,11,37,43,4,36,0,1,1,3,9,23,0,5,15,149,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042696430657702,0.11693500513244573,0.06544251055351281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919249190589264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035148148086019,0.058663434357526925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399491013694573,0.0,0.07683512468049591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987583680327793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421513843312754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039126975560955,0.0,0.17046975634020595,0.09943558455302567,0.0,0.06356173734225204,0.0,0.08108140772606882,0.0919558382514761,0.08648903366576259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892709538771951,0.4124981037206863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005567253108111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509952612965639,0.0,0.0,0.19002256615018528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900742184883504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394937766608878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646881006146626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091173344974013,0.0,0.13594602845568848,0.28209081891025023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685506240256861,0.0,0.06423703115034374,0.0,0.0,0.10482718300716667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716904121756444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135639035514874,0.0,0.0,0.10234609236133102,0.0,0.0,0.09233924620983912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638078947892685,0.0,0.0,0.10685661632527878,0.0,0.0,0.06671663092134669,0.08402793314620192,0.0,0.10563617963488096,0.09097236145093196,0.10848952568651896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095355118618099,0.0,0.0,0.09501959671688852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153886872951137,0.07408573727603197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023587438629573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822574813479424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393368194943552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056114896936284735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533665943691445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598830181280734,0.0,0.17028415522329102,0.07638617556716812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106645038273916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836196710017686,0.0,0.11693500513244573,0.0
suicidewatch,VividElevator,2019/02/14,"I fantasize about going on some grand adventure and then killing myself at the end. Quit my job, drop out of school, and just go...max out my credit cards and use my savings to travel all around the US by myself. I'm so apathetic that generally nature and cool landmarks and stuff don't make me feel much, but I do like running away and going to new cities so that aspect would be interesting. 

I dunno how long it would take me. Maybe a couple months. I'd drop everyone in my life and peace out for a while. Then once I ran out of money or made it to the last place I want to go, I'd find a nice spot in the woods or something to shoot myself in the fucking head.

The suicide is like a crucial aspect of this plan. I don't want to come back from my spur of the moment trip. I don't know why I feel the need to have this sort of grand exit, but the fantasy gets more and more enticing every single day. It's honestly exciting, and I don't get excited about much anymore.

Pretty fucked up",4.168810506566601,4.436905663414636,5.295609756097562,85.18240150093808,70.41463414634146,8.454033771106943,25.52532833020637,8.384062270229773,1.3854690431519698,771,20,168,11,13,256,125,205,0.117,0.6890000000000001,0.194,0.942,1,0,1,1,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,2,8,16,3,0,13,1,10,4,1,4,1,39,30,19,2,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,15,0,0,4,2,2,8,4,3,0,0,2,3,20,13,29,25,7,35,0,0,0,2,1,14,2,5,13,108,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288943614131036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282624572941925,0.0,0.0,0.13536865275145632,0.11078924023292228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411284985686573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942266273913264,0.0,0.09292019532695517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276128217517225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213942866308324,0.13767537711964412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570316141918846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168723930396406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664007524833475,0.15055254067960333,0.0,0.32753775182378697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786846625652206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297796017392336,0.0,0.15940405585348275,0.0,0.07918303864805805,0.11744508073464235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017685287385999,0.14078120038899766,0.0,0.0,0.12750697244182424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633273497745413,0.09617505159905317,0.0,0.14474852755962758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500391850604927,0.0,0.2118319296408242,0.10683408621838036,0.0,0.1391541327183459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344134778617305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150533768076205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658196974346355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532476641334527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581745987724642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092043759930433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493804290116054,0.15760100796247895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083308291639875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733114600244898,0.1244395491868819,0.0,0.0,0.16996517555708526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300105100339284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047017303114296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SamwiseHotS,2019/02/14,"How does this help somebody? I am as close to commiting suicide as it can get for 21 y.o. I have problems in school, my parents hate me for it, I have no vision for future whatsoever, but I don't want to commit suicide because I am afraid I will mess it up also there is little spark inside me that hopes everything will work out. But I am struggling really really hard. I found out thus subreddit just recently and my only thoughts are how does this help somebody?",5.200366300366298,6.026245318681326,6.015109890109893,78.95072344322345,68.34065934065934,9.143589743589745,30.551282051282055,9.2995712137729,2.665262271062271,368,14,69,7,6,121,63,91,0.26,0.617,0.123,-0.9309,1,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,0,0,11,0,0,3,2,17,17,8,2,3,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,12,1,11,13,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,49,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781641302870186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029944234875695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34539519555178344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736061028856426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637817846794707,0.0,0.0,0.10310441343735946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678200780379186,0.19483694563659668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645518639887546,0.0,0.0,0.1960077254958346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779114314623167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500894683182341,0.0,0.0,0.21912783484277468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888321394516824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25284802046300864,0.0,0.19485399418622365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997232806793281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063074341019405,0.0,0.4317259452349968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666957644560406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639896378690108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366922617927266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thearctemis20,2019/02/14,"Please I need help, I’m so confused and don’t know what to do I’m on the verge on killing myself, I just don’t know the answer anymore and I think I’m done trying to fight.

5 months ago I did something to my penis, after masturbing normally, the skin went loose and just isn’t the same with lack of sensation now. I was a long follower of nofap which is abstaining from masturbating before this all happened and now feel like it’s all my fault for masturbating and it’s going to be permanent. 

I’ve been trying to abstain from masturbating ever since in hopes of healing it but it never does anything and I always masturbated again in a matter of weeks later, recently I went 56 days of not doing masturbating and the skin was no better. I gave up and masturbated but the past couple days I’ve been feeling like killing myself for making it worst when it’s probably no different. I’ve been to doctors/specialists who said they can’t see anything wrong but I know there is.

I can’t go on like this, I can’t seem to forget about this problem no matter what and I’ve tried and tried it’s always in my thoughts liked I just can’t shake it and it makes me cry and want to kill myself. Being a virgin at 23 makes this all worst to. I seem to be stable just if I don’t masturbate because I forget about it but I just can’t go the rest of my life like that. I feel like I have no other choice but to never masturbate again. 

This is making me so utterly depressed and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m seeing my doctor now because I’m worried I will kill my self.",2.6169492877492893,4.247436258461541,4.244752136752137,86.06909971509974,75.64615384615384,7.153276353276353,23.72934472934473,7.921354282810032,1.1894387464387464,1244,38,258,19,27,417,146,325,0.22,0.6659999999999999,0.114,-0.9925,2,0,1,0,1,3,19.0,0,0,1,1,17,22,5,2,10,0,27,6,2,4,6,63,62,22,4,8,12,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,0,1,22,14,0,2,12,0,0,7,17,13,0,0,12,9,32,9,34,46,8,35,0,1,2,1,7,9,0,5,26,174,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176861639364376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350856238042251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296224531285787,0.0,0.0,0.15181767452110706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246200200600903,0.0,0.07849273095115693,0.0,0.0,0.08158219823149251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206607680801613,0.10132554899467412,0.1189793173731614,0.0,0.07944950162632551,0.0,0.0,0.09637520080697164,0.0,0.0944154996244872,0.08072322368377945,0.09439749537155942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343985261399575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656506934545464,0.2635961286399895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727293454134594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157094093721327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061829115076742026,0.0,0.0,0.09161896675298092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082166569974675,0.0,0.15208443954614076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515456643620006,0.3154598347437696,0.0,0.0,0.08163291353438369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629397188243896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362816915602792,0.0,0.0,0.06839765352258695,0.14228830328383088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903793977726644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805720217381245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125605819121992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994544829062682,0.08826491640854027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107968356794463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774503468419778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701282745740854,0.1679506917828584,0.0962304638297941,0.0,0.0,0.07630507438141569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101383021129527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910614097405738,0.0,0.07323132126176546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505101041264699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881563740710977,0.0,0.07399246059072474,0.0,0.0,0.17102196511916826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936781176593617,0.0,0.0,0.10085418044787214,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fstarc,2019/02/14,"I've been lying to my mom about applying for jobs Been out of college for almost 2 months now and I've never submitted a job application anywhere. I've never even made a proper resume. I kept putting it off because I have nothing to put on it other than my degree. I have no real skills, experience, or organizations/clubs/volunteering - all due to my anxiety based disabilities. I feel like I know absolutely nothing about engineering at all. I guess I've just been abiding time until I'm forced to kms. My mom thinks I've already applied to all the 'big' companies in my field, but I know that I'll never hear from them even if I did. Especially with my huge lack of social skills. I'm in an extremely small own, so I feel my only real choice is to work at some fast-food or retail chain. I have no money, and I'll eventually be forced to start repaying my student loans. I feel I wasn't meant for this world.",4.786300366300363,5.509335340659341,6.3392857142857135,76.62654761904763,69.21978021978022,9.363369963369964,28.902930402930398,9.516144504307137,2.4859216117216114,720,25,142,15,12,247,115,182,0.095,0.875,0.031,-0.8227,2,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,6,30,24,8,0,2,5,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,7,0,3,2,6,0,0,0,8,4,21,1,25,15,6,22,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,6,10,87,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652882808875595,0.0,0.16147931213617964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194240885503352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920169618553367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932997904239058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313927805727555,0.0,0.0,0.22196724677323093,0.10453851684665386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769433848964716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119950990202267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164925074412897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904208241828754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608387986337186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148967609534425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846142862541333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34276095529302986,0.11679958490161252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385772378372167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808160646105923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129091616865454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942050777449813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331122208452983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491654861067143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357345966671216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376265646747917,0.0,0.0,0.08532647368523452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653032478488972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,what4ver,2019/02/14,"What if there's no escape from existence? One of my biggest fears about ending my life is that there's no guarantee of peace after this life ends. What if it doesn't all fade to black? What if my awareness doesn't cease to exist, what if it continues on forever, just in a different form? Note, I was raised without religion... yet this thought plagues me. Does anybody else ever think about that?",3.4583082706766963,5.767120394736844,3.704812030075189,87.83868421052631,75.3157894736842,7.5007518796992505,26.646616541353374,8.418075326091056,1.891235338345865,314,12,61,6,7,97,55,76,0.092,0.816,0.092,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,10,6,4,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,1,5,0,11,4,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,7,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990918568471023,0.0,0.0,0.2505173391090777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391423604055157,0.0,0.5071015799710684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589481551727489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221340231298268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044027943765651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398437342290284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834306471682973,0.0,0.2272668868355156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275954651518086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zahraldin,2019/02/14,"I'm 14, a high school student and I just want to die. I'm in 9th grade and I live in Australia, I have depression. I recently moved schools, no one is mean to me here, but I push others away, I feel so alone. I'm such a horrible daughter and sister. The past two years of my life has deeply affected me, I'm not the same person I use to be. I don't think any of  this is real, just a horrible nightmare to wake up from. I've overdosed two times already, which (obviously) didn't work. I can easily hang myself, but I'm worried about the pain.

​",1.1397962382445144,2.9867515689655204,3.1710031347962406,91.11067398119124,80.72413793103449,6.631974921630094,23.476489028213173,7.686295010490155,1.026820689655172,426,15,96,7,11,144,80,116,0.268,0.723,0.01,-0.9839,0,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,6,0,8,3,1,2,1,17,18,6,1,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,2,0,3,1,1,13,0,12,16,1,12,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,58,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360929596406303,0.1956336137467448,0.0,0.0,0.19208351816989333,0.21541540301319329,0.12055692620967408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656101330118414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526915704022677,0.0,0.1839893333214416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963842704309154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730674787206103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521857109706308,0.0,0.0,0.156542068370826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931106074579627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884212827864836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012996147873604,0.0,0.18863911863437866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692344471635329,0.0,0.15479463196288284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017841997376469,0.0,0.0,0.17504326183366484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588349795982975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359428694963912,0.0,0.0,0.10337377695312168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463548846847067,0.0,0.0,0.1531135679200782,0.0,0.0,0.10456472488752463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290624299520592,0.18003711294517138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541540301319329,0.11416293095769132
suicidewatch,KarmaIsCensorship,2019/02/14,"Trump has gone too far. I scream and I scream and I scream yet he just keeps doing it. He wins and wins and wins and it is destroying me. This week was going well, it looked like he was caving to Nancy and only getting 1B for the wall, then last minute, on fucking valentine's day, he declares an emergency to get the whole thing done anyway? How can he keep getting away with this? I was screaming in my room and my mom thought I was hungry so she brought up some chicken tendies but I was so distraught I smacked them out of her hands and they fell on the floor. Now I crying eating carpety tendies and literally shaking because she took the dipping sauce. ",1.7071025641025628,4.25945345384616,2.1315384615384616,95.21679487179493,83.69230769230771,4.38974358974359,24.051282051282055,5.6839178017228535,0.34968205128205154,519,20,106,3,15,158,90,130,0.172,0.755,0.073,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,3,9,13,2,2,5,0,10,3,1,1,0,18,22,14,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,6,11,1,2,1,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,10,6,16,5,11,12,2,22,0,0,1,1,11,10,1,1,7,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838201904545126,0.0,0.0,0.13520308043095658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436294233799211,0.1430382700777844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269714558081557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269498215862653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504424602508367,0.3476333895799298,0.0,0.12605019081479038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942799864848915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807910661220458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835695777575796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862504339076413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597615235403484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868372837539922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734955151407084,0.0,0.0,0.1760790318865329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24642041390563196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790913236628336,0.0,0.199418729465818,0.0,0.0,0.24762419502212196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aspiringscientist11,2019/02/14,"I’m gonna kill myself one of these Valentine’s Days. “But u/aspiringscientist11,  there’s more to life than relationships!1!1!

bEiNg A vIrGIn iSnT a rEAsOn tO kILl yOUrSeLf”

Piss off. If that were true, this god forsaken day wouldn’t exist. In fact, tomorrow I’m probably gonna go to the nearest gun store, get a glock, and blow my brains out",1.6475757575757584,4.396680121212121,3.360909090909089,84.02803030303033,88.69696969696967,5.963636363636365,19.454545454545453,7.3871296695380915,0.8128000000000002,272,8,52,5,9,90,56,66,0.156,0.7140000000000001,0.13,-0.4143,0,0,0,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,4,0,4,4,2,1,2,8,10,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,8,5,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,3,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280555283116252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790430069532201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353467435913154,0.0,0.1670127977900017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6502460787845079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075687045779057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913356514671005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168410030252292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021467694796394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bjuks602,2019/02/14,"I have SAD and i feel like such a piece of shit So at my school we have had a lot of tragedies, for example one kid died of cancer in December, and I was at a party yesterday where I talked to one of my classmates, and she told me that I had been making jokes about handicapped people and I have no memories of this and with that I also have seasonal affective disorder and like a terrible human being that nobody could ever love and the worst part is I know that its not true or at least I hope so, I just feel like I’m going crazy and if not right now someday if it doesn’t stop I want it to end, and the fact that I am writing this makes me feel like even more of a piece of shit

TL;DR I said some terrible shit and now my head is spiraling out of control ",4.84,4.114911888888892,5.925061728395061,84.6427777777778,69.0,9.916049382716052,27.87654320987655,9.444778638647367,1.984291358024692,594,16,136,11,9,199,97,162,0.253,0.625,0.122,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,0,1,11,15,3,0,7,0,14,6,4,4,3,37,27,16,1,5,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,10,13,0,2,4,1,0,1,4,7,0,2,6,4,20,8,18,19,8,15,0,1,0,1,9,7,3,6,11,105,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354422303894408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327174430166928,0.12334632209012457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033444582260192,0.0,0.17705695503448002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683076301105826,0.0,0.0,0.10203805303143444,0.1397434953944125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343417512023062,0.33109937788656296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779925065870288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854954686699993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534417218797734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490271938996327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301900683683914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134041252528453,0.13943170583524264,0.0,0.206244255275998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093705156997712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729575427888058,0.0,0.10710272262343754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319321484392452,0.14695373333170322,0.0,0.0,0.1563503887889595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757400032437002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291591210060947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417182889678073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476201735885667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911211911841865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway320496,2019/02/14,"I need advice Lets start from the beginning. Just over a year go, I was on suicide watch and spent a lot of time in a mental hospital. I was diagnosed with severe depression, social anxiety, and general anxiety. I've been on constant therapy and medication since then. 

I've tried 3 different medications over the course of the year (Prozac, Lexapro, Wellbutrin) and I've had weekly appointments with a therapist the whole time as well. I've completed 3 different group therapy courses (2 lasting 6 weeks, 1 lasting my whole first semester at college). Looking back, none of anything I've done so far has helped. I don't feel any different than after I came out of the hospital.

For the last month and a half or so, I've been off any kind of treatment (meds and therapy). I noticed that when I'd miss my meds for multiple days at a time (which is more often than Id like to admit), I never felt worse - just different. I got sick of shoving pills into my face that felt like they weren't trying to help me get better, but only trying to keep me from getting worse. I felt the same about my therapy, so I stopped all of my treatment. 

Things have been going downhill recently - Im back in school now (was on Winter break when I stopped the meds and therapy), and Ive already gone back to self harming and having really bad thoughts about hurting myself and other people.

 I don't know what to do. I dont want to get stuck back in the rut of ""here take these pills and talk to me and MAYBE things will get better"" but I don't know of any more effective ways. Im losing hope for any chance of recovery from this shit by the minute - any time I dont feel like Im actively doing something that brings me closer to normalcy is time that I spend solidifying the belief that Im a lost cause and that Im doomed to suicide as the only way to escape.

I guess what Im asking is this: what should I do thats different? Should I get back to regular treatment? Or should I give up on that and try something else?",5.429480737018423,5.594652027638191,6.235288944723622,79.89537897822444,67.66834170854271,9.949916247906195,31.156197654941373,9.827888789773867,2.804165494137354,1569,58,315,33,24,518,200,398,0.155,0.76,0.086,-0.9839,5,0,2,0,0,3,47.0,0,0,1,6,18,17,1,0,19,0,29,9,2,2,2,53,64,26,2,6,6,0,5,3,0,4,7,0,0,1,18,19,0,3,11,0,2,5,8,9,1,2,19,7,32,8,52,40,8,58,2,6,2,0,10,17,1,6,36,195,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917193843578454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682202091317611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589144396319564,0.0,0.09264614626639107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049830168102170086,0.0,0.056609117869656216,0.0,0.0,0.2328085707959687,0.05055943730382528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710886370360384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925679035432193,0.0,0.062204871434999136,0.0,0.0,0.06348893414857829,0.06543655502155607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905183901734583,0.0,0.0521544284505955,0.061460277596525226,0.0,0.3163263086620474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061967001900488976,0.14193592408813788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058447321785628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123508871283979,0.043259256350240624,0.17442185793597667,0.0,0.0,0.051506566434791054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581828783717252,0.05808819836328321,0.0688276187502556,0.0,0.04842996841376947,0.0,0.06670623548843624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117513873403806,0.0,0.0,0.06014304367458152,0.0,0.0,0.06482351019009472,0.0,0.3924474281758327,0.0,0.0,0.053822513903433566,0.0,0.06305689526272792,0.06655696896261709,0.14807695044409655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191980424166797,0.0,0.08874978289028086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050849482155486944,0.06774360166695832,0.06610102918488471,0.051480210662228056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083388198191439,0.0,0.2017830414241519,0.12200206461280888,0.06102343718127515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833302917691318,0.0,0.0,0.0448994701516212,0.04670240203567408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894028037549015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210695573680444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198000156342816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879196470258868,0.0,0.05978903256421773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128312525611551,0.0,0.0,0.06317024950242893,0.06840794057873252,0.062157044473319566,0.05009027697820398,0.0,0.0,0.061726416221918635,0.0,0.09323370571101287,0.0,0.0,0.04285990444436867,0.0,0.0,0.10125046252709044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247086212563694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552851063476408,0.048670411391389536,0.0,0.0,0.3462396128337431,0.07030699437502738,0.08045778184924107,0.0,0.0,0.04807251936019428,0.17654544515999462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444673703888985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03571587775432044,0.09612870810321453,0.09714433477286342,0.0,0.054444646987885266,0.0,0.0,0.1352110899487962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341787691077707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779886197863711
suicidewatch,thrwmylifeaway,2019/02/14,"I feel like a burden to everyone around me People tell me that they care, and that I can always talk with them, but I just feel like I’m constantly making them uncomfortable. Its not there fault im like this, and they aren’t responsible for my emotions. I dont know what to do. Im so lost but im so afraid to talk to someone, i just feel like im always a burden. They will be better off if im just dead, then they dont have to worry about me anymore.",1.4565909090909095,2.6550491414141426,3.5392803030303037,91.72892045454547,77.78787878787878,6.566161616161617,19.445707070707073,7.1686216300943375,0.11844343434343416,351,7,84,4,8,120,57,99,0.16699999999999998,0.602,0.23,0.6439,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,6,2,8,11,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,16,16,8,1,1,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,3,15,6,10,13,0,4,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,6,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032115586390515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533773464144965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250744821262572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177527796426047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288556434812124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657486175557212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29623929933507426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216359069568993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207641400937312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917087575772738,0.2708636000353342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6825753234282655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945665791807734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697692444402586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796170840370114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843614715123426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761789046100002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708369967120604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031633451723168,0.11046409994961312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834782424999494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idontfuckingknow1302,2019/02/14,"I told my husband that I'm suicidal and wanted to die And his response was ""and what? kill the baby, then?""

I'm glad my life is only valuable because of the life I'm carrying. She's due next week and I keep feeling like it would be a mercy on my family if I died while she's being delivered.

My husband regularly tells me that I'm the only weight in his life, I'm the reason we're drowning, and that I ruined his life. 

I have SPD during this pregnancy and can barely walk without excruciating pain, let alone also take care of my toddler. So, I regularly need his help. He's always reminding me of the ""sad lazy sack of shit"" I am and how I'm milking his help. I can't imagine how much more he will resent me and hate me after I have to have a repeat c-section, leaving me helpless for weeks and requiring his help to even fucking shower. 

The man, who also calls me ""love"", calls me a loser and asks me if I'm even capable of thought. 

When I suggest leaving, he scoffs and asks if I just plan on being someone else's weight and ruining someone else's life. 

I feel like disappearing would be best for my daughters.",3.240315951708194,4.392411336244546,5.070516311328023,82.70209093244287,73.19213973799127,7.658977652196251,27.88106858463909,8.124751697461798,1.8173260210634468,872,33,177,13,17,299,127,229,0.17800000000000002,0.669,0.153,-0.8535,1,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,9,18,5,0,9,0,16,12,1,3,0,30,37,23,5,7,5,3,4,2,0,3,6,0,1,1,7,12,3,2,5,0,0,2,2,11,0,0,3,4,34,7,15,26,3,14,0,5,0,2,27,3,2,3,11,110,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473923289847245,0.0,0.17718849753324634,0.09218149983166787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071369280244197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675331451107908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626139834171367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22624652817772525,0.0,0.1129520844356612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995344387067934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509230990325468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634410952714755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044376776081566,0.0,0.112031847877278,0.15828880233819706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024183973975059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937666431132463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227693545946104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847026952600484,0.12256653021426238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346093780797739,0.0,0.11328456013061723,0.391251508178865,0.10824732883169738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999872509524642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143928479627928,0.082145232668571,0.0,0.0,0.11782047169001687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851306449371045,0.11788241795224184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390481960242865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371859986341487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773453393538933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121180158188612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329608537732743,0.0,0.0968304531142808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795044294448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585924667440727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534351247761787,0.0,0.17772913478495211,0.2698111199404882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679221320601333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573961257057905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6991Throwaway6991,2019/02/14,"Why dont i have the balls to do it!!! It gets worse and worse and worse. Its been since early childhood. 2 decades of this is coming up shortly. Its not going to stop and its hell! Why do i stay here in this hell! I can stop it and i want it to stop... why dont i just do it... this will last decades more to come. 

Not everyone is destined to have a good life, and mine isnt going to get any better. I just need it to stop.",-2.03110474631751,-0.18890586170212487,0.2853191489361713,105.89576923076923,96.97872340425532,3.3178396072013085,13.613747954173489,4.713530739802397,-1.5892068739770866,315,6,85,1,13,104,49,94,0.188,0.6890000000000001,0.122,-0.898,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,0,17,21,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,4,0,1,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,10,19,1,15,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,7,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087355437180248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119112162376725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25555662773911897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476973321527668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174138753555254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499885643592606,0.0,0.16860551387280287,0.1244171838921586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209136234149306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477409085522464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099892510446986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270505711647545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581064200098489,0.0,0.4960620917653252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749240539667869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015504545246209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453501114860696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thraway1388,2019/02/14,"a reset button would be fucking nice rewinding my life and even just these past couple of weeks i've made so many dumb fucking decisions because of anxiety or depression i am tired of dealing with the feelings of guilt and regret. sometimes i think maybe i'm just full of shit because i don't think too poorly of myself and haven't really had a difficult life or childhood, but holy shit is thinking about the past fucking killing me. the problem is the pattern keeps repeating i always pussy out of anything i should do i was always a coward and soft, always ran instead of fight, always allowed for people to push me into the ground and hope its gonna stop eventually. i cannot control my anxiety it is literally crippling, comes on in social situations mostly. having thoughts of killing myself right now because these past couple of days a bunch of shit happened (or rather didn't happen) and I cannot take this bullshit anymore. maybe i am not cut out for this world and considering i'm gonna die anyways might as well make it easy on myself right? only issue i have is my family's reaction. couldn't imagine bringing them the pain suicide would bring, so i guess i'm not really going to end it but the thoughts of killing myself are just so comforting right now.",9.463355780022447,7.637497827160495,8.904466891133563,70.56828282828286,60.440329218107,11.305499438832777,39.7863823419379,9.800150414767053,3.912838683127571,1024,43,178,15,11,327,141,243,0.281,0.647,0.073,-0.9965,1,0,0,0,1,3,15.0,0,0,1,1,16,22,12,1,11,0,23,10,3,4,0,47,50,16,5,8,11,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,8,12,0,3,8,0,1,6,8,18,1,0,7,2,21,4,25,35,3,29,0,2,0,3,4,12,7,7,11,119,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138037278736653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425233249876007,0.0,0.09350330976494296,0.0,0.0,0.07758679952941502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242195610967131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121637651715315,0.0,0.0,0.10574629791035976,0.0,0.2086444879369156,0.0,0.0608046755708586,0.09720153778573487,0.08120573016070859,0.0,0.09785077273609437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350667148290376,0.0,0.0,0.062272971265697585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888153432021077,0.0,0.04767227096633194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614890864615449,0.0,0.0,0.05358314913882989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386325226901773,0.0,0.1667481276309875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364420090056637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840686006468737,0.0,0.08380298031169985,0.3129302042493129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318961182766892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892127668352759,0.06293457294094387,0.09558807001763536,0.18943970633409654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001926555793664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170639977938315,0.1003236611243193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27001111090912805,0.06536389680379955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021600938720603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208000897191763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415512638088417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903401493049965,0.0,0.10597793843997327,0.0,0.09610955097040233,0.0,0.0,0.09324820642287214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882473246169723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313019817790832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088901286163722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123804063698656,0.0,0.14970019426086922,0.0,0.10836433270876633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562806141840303,0.0,0.08477165685328808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395174489876668,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Terrariangel,2019/02/14,"Not a good day. Hey all, 

I know many of you are currently struggling right now, I am too. I just wanted all of you to know that I am here if you want to vent, or talk, anytime. No one should feel like they don't have a voice to be heard. No one should feel like they don't matter. It's rough out there, especially today. Please reach out. I know how it feels to go days without speaking to another person, or feel worthless, like no one cares or even so much as likes you. 

Don't let that little voice tell you you're worthless, or that you would be better off dead. It sounds like bullshit, but no one is worthless. Each person can make a difference. When I am at my worst, I want to reach out and help someone. So, if you're reading this, I am here for you.

Anytime, always.",1.7995982142857159,3.4760049062500045,2.7321428571428577,95.83,78.0625,5.571428571428572,20.80357142857143,6.18269132825596,-0.06439285714285736,595,15,137,4,14,188,93,160,0.179,0.6829999999999999,0.138,-0.8762,1,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,7,2,1,11,13,0,1,3,0,17,0,0,2,2,33,31,13,1,8,10,0,5,5,0,3,0,5,0,2,7,5,0,0,7,1,0,1,9,5,0,4,1,10,18,8,16,24,5,14,0,3,0,0,17,7,0,6,11,94,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865363564314756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952728869178314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611706179538915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453889934123075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839288747643948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898540881709116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418517100537434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28840897756563577,0.2037452407839264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810421915330562,0.11960511866294607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558097839876076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510573478214636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581694750332955,0.0,0.3483328850689794,0.14292147252706391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518581487468072,0.14457281446025808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482653507376123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38651458429124336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24902356617437246,0.0,0.15653067488845945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263740211300088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177860702642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082351137637574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490752407115116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461552422105213,0.12463764772718255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516700093937534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523254232786697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374601669359969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012981052881618,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kawaiiasfucc,2019/02/14,"I don't matter anymore Well I had planned to do it today but I managed to give myself hope that there is a chance. Well its my birthday today  and as usual no one even remembers. My girlfriend has this bestfriend she keeps going out with, keeps posting and tagging him but has never done that with me. She has been really talking about multiple dating and my heart is already heavy. Reality has hit me hard this time  and I dont have any motivation left. 
Goodbye",2.9895006242197217,5.519416764044949,4.044194756554308,83.68092384519352,77.9887640449438,6.202746566791513,26.742821473158553,7.3871296695380915,1.6265121098626718,368,15,66,5,9,119,65,89,0.126,0.805,0.069,-0.3114,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,13,1,1,1,1,16,19,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,2,1,3,1,13,3,7,15,0,10,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,53,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124149841038904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308982494061193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908960939647277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969817665461036,0.2255941727512755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713632281128534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465175945505474,0.10939520642259834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243118752070252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280988734604262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911837369105483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421838573270368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091384695869861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845839515855022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043465981740715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435002600166725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233125615336526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805106205719949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547143369917637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224113672347792,0.0,0.3649117006727345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199802769606907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34613915192718114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_pactman,2019/02/14,"How long should a suicide note be? I am in sheer dilemma about what should I write in my note and how long should it be. As of now I am down to three whole pages and still plan on going. I am only doing this because I think my parents and my sister deserve a closure. I don't want them going on with there life always thinking deliberately about what went down and all. Should I lay it out more like a story that demonstrates how it all piled up and derived me or maybe just write a short goodbye note? Haha I just realized, what it means when someone says ""There's a question in a Question""",5.3926785714285765,5.257693958333333,5.550714285714289,85.80000000000003,67.75,7.523809523809526,29.642857142857146,6.18269132825596,1.2917857142857143,465,15,97,2,7,147,75,120,0.069,0.879,0.051,-0.2474,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,12,2,0,0,6,1,11,1,0,3,2,28,18,11,1,5,3,2,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,13,2,15,11,5,18,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,3,6,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752868683454702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841702009196454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944705749104614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879612878799153,0.10291834756604898,0.0,0.0,0.37285679822596174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163733833626025,0.2294716395970457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602172203985624,0.0,0.0,0.2339141646902576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719771735090682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752612135850672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849242306711655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823418573118054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23042899576681966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26996618796163546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425334464952972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528490280390004,0.0,0.23519553789790376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avanabana04,2019/02/14,"The only thing that keep me alive is my mother. To be honest, if she wasn't there, i would already have killed myself, but i don't want to make her sad and shit.

So almost everyday i just keep acting normally, drinking a lot secretly in my bedroom to drown the sadness until i fell asleep.",6.670632183908047,5.681339741379311,7.208620689655174,77.81511494252874,65.3793103448276,9.802298850574713,31.402298850574713,8.841846274778883,2.443050574712644,227,7,44,3,3,75,49,58,0.319,0.623,0.057,-0.9642,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,3,0,6,3,2,1,0,13,10,5,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,10,1,5,7,1,5,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,3,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818913281342841,0.0,0.3106529845219672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27577236111550674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004375608544279,0.31144880438566114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393295034704242,0.0,0.0,0.18790992909105408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758197628135202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410083310746586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28896568991516275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870225542262494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660417309679659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997643353494965,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abeesee23,2019/02/14,"Need help coping with a major crisis. Hi, I am going through a crisis right now due to having to take care of a mental health situation(I was told by the doctor he is physically healthy for his age) with my father who is also a perpetrator of physical and sexual abuse.

I'll start with the abuse part. Me and mother have suffered 15+ years of domestic abuse. My mom has received beating that ended up in bruises over something as frivolous as cooking food he doesn't like, or not picking up the phone any time he calls him, even if my mom was out grocery shopping(this is before cellphone)

As for myself, I've suffered things like, inappropriate touching of genitilia, various form of bullying, including practicing various wresting and other martial technique(i.e things police do to subdue criminals). I remember vividly him placing his knee on my skull, and putting the full weight of his body into the ground, as I felt like my skull was getting crushed. I also remember having to endure choke moves, in which I was not able to breath for 5-10 seconds.

Now, these things may not be life-threating in retrospect, but having 90kg male putting the full force of his strength to try these techniques.... as a 5 year old child, it genuinely felt like a life-threatening event.

Fast forward 30 years, my dad left my mom for another woman, his mental state has been declining. And ever since his new wife left her and my dad attempted suicide last year, his sibling(whom he doesn't get along with) has been pushing the responsibility to take care of him. 

I ignore it for the most part, but 2 days ago I received a message from my aunt who told me my dad was hospitalized due to epilepsy attack. She told me she is not able to take care of the situation and asked to take care of it, even though she lives 10 minutes away, and me getting there is ~4hr trip half way.. all because ""he is your father"". She told me that she can't go because she needs to take care of my grandmother who is also very sick, but I think she is lying, because when I called my dad's home late tonight, I found out that my grandmother was alone and my aunt has left for the night, completely unattended.

So I spent the last 2 days having to take care of the situation, and on the way back home, I just broke lose. I had episodes of panic attack, I couldn't walk, I collapsed on the floor crying and barely made it to my house. I am unable to speak, and having to communicate via text message. I've stocked up on supplies of food and water, and ask my family member to avoid contact with me whenever I need to go out to use the bathroom.

I had some time to reflect, and it basically comes down to. 1)Naturally I was trigged having to face my abuse perpetrator, 2)In order to take care of the situation I had put myself in a fight-or-flight response, be the adult to take care of my dad who is acting like a child... as well as fending off pressures from relatives who wants me to help him and try to build a relationship with him, and me having to firmly express the limits of what I can do.

And the crisis is not over yet. As far as the hospital is concerned, I am the caretaker, and if my aunt isn't cooperating, I will have to make the trip and take my dad back home, as well as taking care of all the logistical issue of leaving the hospital. I honestly don't know when I will be ready to speak again, so if needed I'll have to get through it via communicating with text message, as well as enlisting help of my family to take care of the conversations that need to happen over the phone.

The good news is that I feel like my mental faculty still seem to be in tact. I recognize that I am going through panic attack, and I know my physical response is not rational. It's not like there is something that's physically preventing me from walking or speaking, but I recognize the mental block is there. I don't think I am going to commit suicide just yet, but at the same time I've been there before and I can recognize that it can escalate to that.

I am honestly not looking for solution... I guess I just need to let all this out, and hopefully see through to the end of the crisis, and figure out how to cope with the stress as my relatives from my dads side will inevitably continue to press the burden of my father's problem to me(on a side note, they have always denied and downplayed my father's abuse whenever I confront them about it).
",10.711923076923078,6.957541217948716,10.173310023310027,68.43381118881122,59.89743589743589,13.430303030303032,41.26806526806527,11.14670477721597,4.3610694638694625,3487,131,671,65,33,1136,348,858,0.165,0.745,0.09,-0.9969,0,2,2,0,6,3,106.0,0,1,2,5,32,41,4,5,44,0,70,14,6,5,5,106,133,58,2,13,21,19,6,7,0,4,3,3,3,5,32,41,5,5,13,1,1,19,15,16,3,2,22,12,98,25,127,101,14,97,0,4,3,0,84,38,0,11,45,459,130,2,0.08980213827691054,0.2660021232595456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980208861575493,0.0,0.0,0.0465039661735033,0.0,0.10772210630313964,0.037361286472848254,0.0,0.0,0.030534266737417957,0.047082685988009375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395287689132916,0.1532443448213941,0.04218603250839075,0.06905230117976026,0.0,0.08211382497043825,0.0,0.07641500543363515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987496559136507,0.0,0.0,0.09169802366170056,0.0,0.45779632486044,0.0,0.0,0.03867829525040781,0.04707791671308079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049321716056816366,0.05791495004306715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045958146884416864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953803982654653,0.0,0.0,0.059313465387762214,0.04061558767045437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846574637818346,0.0,0.022703329682576972,0.03207733276417028,0.0862241356016905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085891020640486,0.049231704728465706,0.0,0.0,0.0938358216062284,0.0,0.1275915616846424,0.03766088647654013,0.0,0.0,0.04946358984730378,0.0,0.03970586715107796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772773682552605,0.0,0.0,0.0902887205087707,0.0,0.13511830006581488,0.04459689296967877,0.0,0.051809805252836634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468650505165502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935290666818284,0.07320072842741497,0.05065036174108747,0.047543749015048986,0.1463554289930605,0.045914385334578624,0.06342990602972498,0.15355476038309188,0.0,0.039648466674976963,0.0,0.037705589453070204,0.050232811117252016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042486477281239145,0.029971812312434832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099886738957455,0.0,0.0,0.15776276849652865,0.0,0.047722730567986836,0.0,0.1997614429607003,0.0,0.04336573237019163,0.0,0.04213661170459957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04711611888799093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536346031636026,0.0,0.09724696459940343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691206054427559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042964259143658604,0.0,0.13541392872798005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048206944498667886,0.10172831678710824,0.03834526770896714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03578033874233025,0.04087624697743028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037142628386175866,0.1514120489780198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913407338108916,0.0,0.0,0.03178120784073319,0.0,0.03585805181504589,0.0,0.05143402299322356,0.0,0.0,0.09822896379810148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713601758362857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949082553394734,0.05754158415642726,0.04411507245335227,0.0,0.07854652349839883,0.0,0.0,0.17161958301935687,0.0,0.06096975712284908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038780107215559266,0.0,0.03704808445959672,0.026483813924447885,0.07128075741874032,0.0,0.05467740579218459,0.12111436067128295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565926554314725
suicidewatch,TurkeyRage,2019/02/14,"How can any of it be fixed? With suicide rates on the rise it seems to be an epidemic at this point. It's something a lot of people struggle with and if you don't I'm sure you know somebody who does. I myself have gone through intense bouts of depression and been actively suicidal before. In my experience the thoughts never go away. I've seen hundreds of different articles, reports, etc. about depression and most say nearly the same thing. Either to watch for a sign in others or to ask for help yourself. Most go on to say suicide is something we don't understand or even know why it's on the rise but yet a paragraph later say it's treatable with medication. I still want to die every day for even just obscure reasons. When I go to the doctor it just feels like they're prepping me for the inevitable. It feels like people are just trying to confuse me into taking blue pills when death is probably the sweeter of the 2 options. Is any of it even real? The treatments, the prevention lines, the therapists, any of the the shit that seems like a facade. Is it all a cash grab or am I just a hopeless case compared to your everyday depressed bystander.

P.S. - Sorry if this was posted in the wrong place.

P.P.S - Probably don't know what I'm talking about, I've only been in treatment a year with 4 changes in medication.",4.582845777233786,6.018284306201551,5.164704202366384,82.21981028151777,70.27906976744185,7.9121991024071825,31.020807833537326,8.371475516178862,2.3607488372093024,1053,45,197,16,19,338,151,258,0.157,0.7659999999999999,0.077,-0.9726,1,0,2,0,0,4,29.0,1,3,0,0,14,12,1,2,22,0,16,5,1,2,3,45,35,12,5,3,11,0,3,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,16,9,0,1,10,0,1,6,4,8,0,0,6,9,12,4,38,27,7,30,0,4,3,0,11,14,1,13,12,133,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533035632480094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867385524031057,0.0,0.09916654721158016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981423226396695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165660715719923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807022711320156,0.0,0.2727270120119847,0.0,0.10954296295169198,0.11027600345756887,0.0,0.10803364222183673,0.09236644302187147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771478307622325,0.20914190844403446,0.0,0.08892939400449948,0.0,0.0,0.10324695376216547,0.0,0.0,0.10673726259417904,0.1508081298399873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995740115758982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074711804375307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402053682693272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469739785891753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973379281976494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126585701325013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140572104397775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802745985013026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463484595112585,0.0,0.11027600345756887,0.0,0.09977770739158713,0.0,0.10108654869341996,0.0,0.22759885964458584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201376118771008,0.0,0.10852171834177923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518098634543897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217527862632272,0.0,0.0,0.10834429928139644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625132050640462,0.0,0.1181532105936225,0.0,0.0,0.08429138690690496,0.0,0.0,0.11034249521926796,0.0,0.3463596810422341,0.0,0.09947846996066986,0.0,0.07935954200921612,0.08483610607001849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255026127268835,0.07012191514296699,0.0,0.0,0.08379393629321086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716606888429128,0.0,0.0,0.10987999565205564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225540131936075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524135107522133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540101456240275,0.0,0.06796994961934333
suicidewatch,Needhelpimmediately8,2019/02/14,"36/F Need some support: Getting fed up with everything I know people say “who cares what people think,@ but pming people on Reddit has triggered massive suicidal thoughts. I have had these thoughts since 12. I don’t care anymore. 

Someone I went on a date with made some insulting comments to me, when I nicely said I didn’t want to date right anymore. So, I am getting thrown with nasty comments all around. 

I want to die, because I don’t see the point in being here.  I have had a lot of complicated experiences.  I don’t know how to explain. 

Suicidal hotlines and text messaging centers are terrible. 

If someone can convince me why I need to be here, then I am willing to listen. 

As of now, I told someone in my life that they can send someone over to kill me. That’s sounds dramatic but whatever. ",3.761258741258744,5.755504376623378,4.507922077922082,83.8423226773227,73.41558441558442,7.335864135864138,32.625374625374626,8.139509932561175,2.5516509490509494,630,32,118,10,13,202,100,154,0.219,0.685,0.095,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,2,0,3,0,17,2,0,3,1,25,39,9,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,5,1,0,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,10,5,19,5,20,26,4,17,0,0,1,0,12,10,0,4,5,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719026951052458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220345910827968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356565965310782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795343065860371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227244410897993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232030349091207,0.1340952998051367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324236511523158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166408926971228,0.0,0.15067651042962804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682709228957846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165446476855554,0.0,0.12971301123611195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329337672769845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28511214867494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295895045713885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706972334421575,0.13039909611920347,0.10901538464624598,0.0,0.0,0.10923888677786874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339801465070408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646062357155889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998971790603383,0.1555622771544147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783844448692596,0.0,0.2176601362007093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309904605244635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171240700503725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707904070203616,0.1236977659960572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doggos_and_sneks,2019/02/14,i just want to talk with someone can anyone dm me? i just want to vent to someone,-0.4450000000000003,1.491198944444449,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,87.33333333333334,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.6540888888888885,63,2,15,0,2,21,12,18,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009487135022929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7293603807157796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459426953806877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077272480340135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paneraijoe,2019/02/14,"I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am a complete failure.  I failed again.  I can't help myself anymore. You deserve so much better. I can't go on. Please find it to someday forgive me.  It's better this way.  There is no explanation for why I have this problem. You are wonderful.  I can't keep failing you. I tried to get better. It worked for awhile.  I hope to go in peace.  I love every one very much. 


I tried hard to figure it out.  I couldn't get over the hump.  I can't face anyone or anything out of shame.  I know I keep wrecking your plans.  It not drugs, or alcohol, or anything else like that.  I just can't keep doing this to you.  You will do so well with your future.  I know this is weak way out.  I know.  I just can't live with my shame of failure.  I can't get better enough to stop the failure.  You are strong.  You will carry on.  I will miss everyone.  Please let me go in peace.  


This is the only way I can do this.  

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suicidewatch,theindications,2019/02/14,"I hope I will succeed this time 
Ok maybe I never had a relationship. Maybe I failed my driving licence two times. Maybe, I still live at my parents in a room invaded by mold, maybe I can't go out when I want because they are controlling, and as a result I'm extremely anxious and socially awkward. Maybe I only got a side job 4 month ago after searching for years.

Oh but I'm doing well at school at least. I'm on the last year ! I will graduate! But I need an internship or else, no degree.

Maybe I've been searching for an internship for months and maybe I only got a few answers, maybe they were all negative. Maybe the deadline is approaching. Maybe I will be forced to quit my job even if I don't find an internship because the job need a month notice and I can't risk being held by job obligations if the internship that I will eventually find is in another city. Maybe this was a very long sentence.

Anyway, maybe I will kill myself on March the 25th or maybe I will wait until GOT ends. Or maybe I will fail at this again and live to see how I will fail again and how miserable I can get.

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suicidewatch,turquoise-cinder,2019/02/14,"I called a hotline and they suggested to go to the hospital. Why? Even if this was a dumb suggestion, please don’t bash this person. She was on the phone with me for two hours trying to help me find resources in my area and I’ll hopefully be seeing a psychiatrist soon thanks to her.

But she asked several times if someone could take me to the hospital. I said yes, but asked why would I go to the hospital?

Has anyone admitted themselves to a hospital before and know what exactly they do for you, if anything?",3.848399999999998,5.5868116400000005,4.979000000000003,81.62950000000002,72.6,9.4,28.5,9.827888789773867,2.8353999999999995,404,16,79,11,8,133,66,100,0.022,0.862,0.116,0.7303,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,8,1,8,0,0,0,1,16,19,8,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,2,13,2,12,13,0,8,0,0,1,0,16,3,1,4,3,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049677035998662,0.0,0.1653504380955781,0.0,0.3756897797639271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709788730598388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517468602561809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604283590690119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327141104253521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183648788255736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283892940135308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346809098117209,0.0,0.0,0.19957144434277865,0.19787817075048156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042732139411802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754466266133064,0.0,0.22056369437304005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911329490655144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601172953177631,0.0,0.0,0.2269966844325595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024956964688362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107633520043404,0.0,0.0,0.18499177422494006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716543536891127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642006965046033,0.0,0.19628198781319295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36262090016374776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273677891740447,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chrisb-,2019/02/14,"Do you think you will be punished for suicide? Thats actually the main reason why i am scared of killing myself. My heart is broken beyond repair but do you think there is a supernatural force which will punish you for suicide? Or could it be the oppsite, humans are  hideous  what if we only live to understand that fact and end us?",3.3320833333333333,5.679773875000002,4.241875000000004,83.64895833333338,75.875,6.141666666666668,24.729166666666664,7.1686216300943375,1.1358104166666672,264,9,49,3,6,85,52,64,0.297,0.703,0.0,-0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,2,4,0,0,2,4,3,1,3,0,11,1,1,1,1,11,14,4,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.2287867187756721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718707014049601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765069601681446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782114702513844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593811710415539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070212371090038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783077155230316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410508435223446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347226196774455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128945281067502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004486916209944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406787915707565,0.2820112023836653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211552197713878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aatpacalypse97,2019/02/14,"Getting Ghosted on valentines day freaking sucks!!! Feel like blowing my head off. Man, I hate my life and this world, I really do. I always get so close to succeeding at something and it just gets taken away from me at the last moment, and it always happens that way. I was trying to get this girl I was seeing to go on a date with me today but she cancelled at the last minute and seems to have fucking ghosted me on top of that! Why the fuck do people do this ghosting bullshit?! Why the fuck cant they just say ""im not interested"" because its just so rude that they text you a little and then you respond and then they slowly stop responding once they feel like they are done with you and so they can toss you in the trash. Its almost like they are teasing you and messing with you because they get some sort of ego boost from slowly rejecting a guy who responds to their messages whenever they needed him for advice and was there for them when they needed him. But I just hate ghosting so much, WHY DOES EVERYONE DO THAT! How can everyone think the same? I never do that! I always tell someone straight up  that ""im not really interested and good luck"", I never do something this disrespectful as fucking ghosting. And its not just me, its everyone that complains about this bullshit happening to them, its almost like all women get some sort of pleasure out of leading a guy on, then rejecting them. At this point I have no faith left in humanity and I hate this fucking world with every last inch of my body! My luck and my life are probably the worst ever, because the universe always finds a way to screw me when im about to succeed at something whether is be academics, jobs, money, dating, I ALWAYS LOSE EVERYTHING AT THE LAST MINUTE BECAUSE OF SOME RANDOM CIRCUMSTANCE! I dont want to live like this for another 70 years, fuck off, I want out of this world. I just cannot imagine myself dealing with such cruel and sociopathic human beings for another 7 decades! Because human beings are cruel and evil. I am convinced of this and I dont want to have to deal with them anymore. I dont understand why people keep doing this suicide prevention bullshit and say ""nooo, you should stay in this world, this world is good, please dont kill yourself"" How can they say that with a straight face? There should be no such thing as suicide prevention services, What they should have is state sponsored euthanasia services to those who seek a painless way out! That makes so much more sense and is so much more humane. I dont know, im contemplating going and jumping off this bridge I got picked out. Its high enough that I think it should kill me without much pain or suffering. Im just done with this shit. I have nothing to look forward too, I have nothing but stressful work piled up on my ass. Im not going to live like this anymore! Im done!",4.227285274131599,5.9218301415608,4.505445490229182,85.58382813489217,71.54083484573502,7.085653990630144,28.058962562782256,7.65591337171366,1.6410501920398426,2252,84,430,27,43,705,228,551,0.209,0.669,0.123,-0.9966,1,0,3,0,0,4,58.0,0,7,17,6,25,46,19,1,16,0,46,15,5,5,4,91,85,39,9,9,17,0,2,6,0,4,3,3,0,9,40,32,0,4,9,0,1,6,16,29,0,0,8,7,63,17,65,69,13,68,1,4,2,8,50,39,10,12,26,301,103,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284523863774965,0.0,0.0,0.10830433841681256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224989729211346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341280529709225,0.0,0.0,0.10726340053091296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080887157063835,0.0,0.0,0.16482986346515854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060069425130643575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03487639253789576,0.11150586547088218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732477708356599,0.16602435662899587,0.31690012098585885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587792124669736,0.0,0.0,0.04891742728600193,0.04556377413432496,0.1550240121105721,0.04860259467073634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546877956270706,0.07726790047958121,0.0,0.0,0.04942710068609327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999702222958454,0.16952384208332108,0.0,0.0922027915733876,0.09071756837253296,0.043251806611368,0.0,0.0,0.10709315246160404,0.09564351918036793,0.0,0.0,0.16017504247847708,0.05550051476961362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713728746196231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089011610365715,0.0,0.05366492661522452,0.048067777843668925,0.11966049801158762,0.0,0.02972032859504684,0.1763259632820863,0.0,0.0,0.05875684243669236,0.0,0.07639499989862626,0.15852120379578638,0.054201227342177916,0.0955052528753899,0.0,0.04541262446605316,0.06050041440092638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03609806070810021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901674558943033,0.08019758275946637,0.08341790537113065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378025434026146,0.0,0.0,0.05759222371524598,0.0,0.0,0.057543722639110624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749829483122307,0.0,0.0,0.059362351546212576,0.051122004980726825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058306160466758274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928860828719208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290170462946201,0.0,0.0,0.043093851870317584,0.049231365441935335,0.0,0.0,0.0555111753145364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582084477999673,0.12489765142797644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057640872099355776,0.0,0.045212350616443686,0.06194715438348398,0.0,0.0,0.11830699663785488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726730952604807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035927593336335946,0.0693031030778608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126043845992526,0.0,0.0,0.03671599786886455,0.0,0.0,0.056298003149752265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956913428718604,0.12877585188034402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519104823405256,0.0,0.0,0.052130093728084505,0.0,0.039370056041692345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0348250144628278
suicidewatch,ComplexWorry,2019/02/14,"I just wish I could. I am in so much pain.

I always had a life plan, I always was going to go to university and be successful.

And now I'm falling at the final hurdle.

​

I've spent my life trying to be the best.

And I was.

4A\*\*\*, 6A, 1B.

​

A levels predicted AAB 

Offer from dream university

Severe mental health crisis.

Predicted BCD, likely going to fail maths.

Email uni, nah, fuck you, you're mentally ill, we don't care.

​

Everything is just a clusterfuck.

​

From relationships (non existent), to dad's suicide, to Ela's suicide, to eating disorders to losing my hair to trying to kill myself and failing.

just failing.

repeatedly.

​

Oh how I wish I could just fucking succeed.",2.84454666076957,5.837771676691734,4.318319327731093,78.03697478991599,84.11278195488724,6.73843432109686,26.62052189296771,7.928766900206844,2.35497381689518,575,25,92,12,17,190,86,133,0.299,0.585,0.116,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,3,54.0,1,1,0,8,7,13,3,0,5,0,10,9,1,1,0,14,20,6,3,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,8,0,0,4,1,13,5,14,12,2,10,0,4,0,2,6,3,2,0,4,55,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371406594060415,0.4464469396701229,0.5006756870622542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648245505424965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402078165944495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159268705328755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444708232741762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432429183844853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406329063723782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027429420131386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523703409041162,0.0,0.0,0.1405036540976303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875961980721332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911726040766803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641487700512493,0.04026054599358375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219383874061084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609642205168815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060579602408905996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768827020535865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847570280137837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930979529741931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028266877043694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189968929108292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953101827609733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006756870622542,0.0
suicidewatch,betterthansocks,2019/02/14,"Euthanasia should be legal Seriously. 

Every time I google stuff like ""most effective way to commit suicide,"" I'm bombarded with articles telling me why I shouldn't do it. Shouldn't it be up to me? 

Why the fuck are others so intent on keeping me here when I very clearly don't want to be. I would not mind being dead. At least I'd be beyond any pain this world could inflict on me forever. Why won't you let me have my peace? Do you like watching me suffer? 

I really wish I could just go somewhere and be put down like a dog. In fact, they euthanize dogs who have been poorly socialized and can't find someone to love them. I'm in pretty much the same situation. NO ONES COMING TO TAKE ME HOME PLEASE JUST KILL ME FUCK",2.4124394099051614,4.318930075342465,3.9036986301369865,87.0782349841939,77.01369863013699,7.232033719704952,22.874604847207586,8.139509932561175,1.1954558482613271,565,17,118,10,13,187,100,146,0.149,0.63,0.22,0.8862,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,2,2,1,6,10,3,0,3,0,22,4,0,2,3,25,33,4,3,8,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,1,3,7,6,0,1,1,1,19,4,14,18,4,15,0,1,1,3,8,9,2,1,5,78,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634278668695876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470628709052626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497111191136986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175568561112966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292717542378885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891389270856299,0.0,0.0,0.08887354226626007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568604510791068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899645378201933,0.17300971282149388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990767774077588,0.0,0.22919600369848595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113776038903894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578977721877923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149562384638068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596616279041024,0.0,0.16639781872724865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165670482876064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909321976998772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720364992986607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001801130763072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577605912696734,0.0,0.1594082538566126,0.13249905070356313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901604374419405,0.17105276890212026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757721936889035,0.0,0.13668175852242118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118559884673748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902869345866216,0.09223612929841156,0.12412602611768095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423321995497164,0.0,0.1798276322958508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108684589492378,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Strugglinghhh,2019/02/14,"Everything is just pointless. I'm used up and balding. I have no career. My friends have long moved on. There is no future for me but sitting in parking lots writing stories because my job is completely pointless. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either. I'm just waiting for the day I can finally die.",1.3926785714285683,3.7475098750000018,3.0944642857142854,89.16125000000002,83.0625,5.5321428571428575,29.455357142857146,6.868970318607317,1.691654464285714,248,13,49,3,7,82,44,64,0.101,0.741,0.159,0.7802,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,1,1,0,12,14,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,7,14,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,33,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565420413332032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677213853160817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467456228509636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300096750223398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294850591163336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797148433890653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972767110444341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25338768311033305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547179580132065,0.2259697668657849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708276410187685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27138829478360466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220533633417363,0.0,0.0,0.3012148305337589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,attackedmoose,2019/02/14,"The worst part of moving forward is when you slide back. I’ve been having a rough go of it the last few weeks. I have been doing so well, I have been so stable. It seems like things were finally taking a turn for the better. It seemed like my life was getting on track. But then the anxiety started building and building. Eventually the bad thoughts came back. And now it’s hitting me so hard. 

I was getting better and now I’m not. I feel just like I did before I started getting help.  I don’t think I will ever be better. It will always be a struggle. I just want it off of my back. 

If you pray, please pray for me. If not, please keep me in your thoughts. I need all of the good vibes I can get guys. 

I have a Dr. appointment on Tuesday, hopefully that will help. ",0.3456795469686895,2.6348518291139267,1.91771485676216,96.124853431046,87.67088607594938,4.592138574283812,19.708194536975352,6.05967700443912,-0.10586582278481016,591,18,131,5,19,191,93,158,0.078,0.6709999999999999,0.251,0.9772,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,3,13,12,0,1,10,0,20,2,0,0,2,23,42,11,0,5,7,0,3,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,6,0,0,5,3,3,1,0,10,3,20,9,10,26,4,23,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,5,18,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130026509454486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389230292373566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132825642741405,0.11339352121391268,0.0,0.0,0.11556210988996672,0.0,0.0,0.3603318744111231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553275064961242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284558455459214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866831101450838,0.09702084643805883,0.0,0.14877038802583453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838150823006078,0.0,0.07718248523970135,0.11390881874202738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447069527003186,0.0,0.0,0.1216567710861923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205769895670945,0.0,0.0,0.13488740900735766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071187294707784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107011715114148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592479552047373,0.1990459333719246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443417926322489,0.0,0.10069947951628198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706619918076155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981515251647936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472679452570447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225037868335149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197540007451556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211027677142223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022441387273912,0.08701990968649315,0.0,0.21563183985293247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771947252445347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010273368888207,0.0,0.10893651881134264,0.0,0.1221071784502962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HolyShmoly0,2019/02/14,I am a waste of oxygen. The urge to kill myself surges every single day and the only thing that is stopping me is the fear of pain and I do not want my family members to discover me in a grisly state. I am a loser and a failure and I feel like things are just going to stay this way. I feel like I can neither get a grasp on how to be an adult nor achieve my goals. ,1.659629629629631,2.405547246913581,3.8058641975308665,91.82138888888893,76.53086419753086,6.387654320987655,20.907407407407405,6.42735559955562,0.11590370370370318,281,6,67,2,6,97,57,81,0.266,0.6779999999999999,0.056,-0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,1,9,0,8,1,0,1,0,12,13,6,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,11,2,8,12,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,50,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429378570166658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463931326182895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401572513189849,0.2866665126117431,0.2576202503021997,0.3639893624094396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309726033303373,0.0,0.1447812744527575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818450359495899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24891764687050486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375016424622052,0.2710737936979472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715314400151575,0.0,0.21298384674319248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33849144884826643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502591661127373,0.2022100593248961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NauticalNewt,2019/02/14,"I feel so pathetic My girlfriend left me two months ago. She was everything to me, which ended up being my mistake. Everyday feels so hollow and miserable, I don't enjoy anything I do or hanging out with the few friends I have. I fantasize about killing myself, seeing her one last time. It feels so goddamn stupid, to feel so terrible from heartbreak. Why can't I just be like everyone else and move on.

Part of me hopes I'd survive, just so I could feel her love again, even if just for a moment. But that's kinda fucked.

Happy valentine's day everyone.",3.071666666666665,5.305695425925926,4.027555555555558,85.42300000000003,76.22222222222223,7.282962962962964,27.46666666666667,8.238735603445708,2.0127044444444446,438,18,83,8,10,141,82,108,0.293,0.605,0.102,-0.9781,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,3,1,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,19,17,10,1,4,6,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,7,0,2,1,6,16,6,10,13,2,15,0,2,1,2,6,4,1,4,10,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642625663826082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249102858132185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795174279433307,0.0,0.0,0.11950702408904625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479936442155615,0.0,0.16412609239027526,0.0,0.0,0.1223928490248027,0.0,0.0,0.35413560102865904,0.16654106200332036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684813446717418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431669368471047,0.17131238818614464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726165645976196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840506452465468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501360630747253,0.0,0.0,0.15104910233032331,0.0,0.0,0.20133548436376628,0.0,0.0,0.09053113936627843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724587753851278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479094615640591,0.19695092570544945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255681246210806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066831331677434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766487067032408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805340438987003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810170118588922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672098202095223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Haircutquest,2019/02/14,"I’m only still alive for my dog. The only reason I haven’t killed my self is because of her. I know no one would take care of her. I have thoughts of killing my self everyday. But I can’t leave her. I have no friends, no job, no future. I’m 25 and still live at home. Have no savings, no money. No hobbies. I just wake up mope around the house feeling useless and that I’m an embarrassment to my parents. All my other sibling are normal have friends jobs moved out but I’m just here. Not doing anything with my life. It’s getting closer though. I can’t deal with this anymore. I just don’t know what to do with my dog. I love her so much and don’t want to leave her. ",-0.2615302344714081,1.857514216783219,1.4710078157136977,99.49845742492805,88.65034965034965,3.924146441793501,19.600575894693534,5.0885558068054335,-0.5365249691484992,515,16,122,2,17,167,82,143,0.172,0.7140000000000001,0.114,-0.3291,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,2,1,3,0,14,3,1,1,1,24,27,7,2,3,6,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,5,8,0,0,5,0,1,1,13,4,0,1,1,1,21,5,14,25,2,10,0,1,0,1,12,5,0,0,4,81,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488127782721448,0.0,0.0,0.1234812673930081,0.13357945229124532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147123735798184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298957139554714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469859758529472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587157189276515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186196558740524,0.0,0.07839677466536195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051592227224445,0.0,0.0,0.17314162367150074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29780994396428007,0.0,0.3320239908560588,0.0,0.16493098848252022,0.0,0.0,0.31777003830545003,0.0,0.0,0.10598724378254644,0.0,0.0,0.13250001351462418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542916666535587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594831521997742,0.11030660777968784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702059715232732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168015336131987,0.2282449380217322,0.0,0.0,0.16661668417826378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428001721197865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130771083934095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396658811070875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282157796798364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742682848708671,0.11912573935533632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850545802122564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659372038753642,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad-but-trying,2019/02/14,I’m scared and I’m seriously considering ending it all I can’t keep this up for much longer. It hurts to breath and I’m just a waste of space. I need help but am feeling so alone. ,-0.8272499999999994,1.2272607750000049,1.6900000000000013,97.195,91.25,5.2,15.5,6.742157984588678,-0.5401500000000001,141,3,36,2,5,48,32,40,0.265,0.6459999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.7248,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,8,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,8,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403429810546766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34500300704209264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969552437409406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610899987430702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169939333151123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462271899143401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28634525790754595,0.2888274116502553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38998188382166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oralisthebest,2019/02/14,"Need some help. Woman of color and want to die I can’t explain the whole situation. 

Some of these messages I am getting are triggering. 

I have a lot of complicated trauma. If anyone wants to help and provide compassionate support, let me know. 

Hotlines aren’t helpful towards this specific concern. ",3.772884097035039,7.028122999999997,4.951536388140166,73.04811320754719,83.15094339622641,6.8021563342318085,33.98652291105121,7.957251820313856,3.4830183288409704,241,14,35,5,7,79,43,53,0.11,0.638,0.252,0.7717,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,13,3,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,6,12,4,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,4,0,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896544614603855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804773711090832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119474171749247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5434296776655525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852261728497634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276349465160028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297573265462421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038733510755236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037729058039361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066770857369343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188015154765457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30172505266020955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shuttheffffekkkkup,2019/02/14,"Who cares  Does this belong here??? I've been working on a property for years isolated from people except 1 person who I barely talked with as we didnt get along that well. A few weeks ago the property closed down and I had to move back to the city with my mother who's probably the worst person to be around at this time. I am trying to find a job and not succeeding at all. I have no social skills. No friends. No money. Never been in a relationship and still a virgin at 21. I'm so lonely I cry myself to sleep most nights. I even dreamt about a hug. A fucking hug? Must be nice to have someone who isn't a family member that's stuck with you trying to fake care wrap their arms around you and actually care. I feel like no matter how hard I try, i go nowhere. I'm stuck in this slump I guess and I dont know how to get out I can barely find any will? Energy? Idk to keep trying. Today was the closest I came to killing myself but I couldnt go through with it last minute. I dont know why I couldnt go through with it maybe I'm too scared to do it at the moment, that wont last long. I tried to get help for it but cant even afford anything near it. Anybody I have talked to about it just all say the same thing basically ""your still young"" like that doesnt help, I dont want to live feeling like this for many years to come. Idk where to go anymore I'm exhausted. Trying here now I guess.",0.3276593959731571,2.3710276174496663,2.0989219798657714,96.60093330536915,84.90604026845638,5.201510067114095,16.69505033557047,6.4784943948869325,-0.4443258389261748,1082,22,255,11,32,355,160,298,0.123,0.748,0.13,0.6289,2,2,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,3,1,3,19,19,2,1,14,0,24,7,2,2,4,44,51,11,1,4,5,1,3,3,1,3,1,1,0,2,19,18,0,1,6,0,1,7,16,7,1,0,8,4,28,12,44,36,6,39,0,1,0,4,20,15,1,3,20,163,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.09196346533436116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353700165808213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408560906681518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345955737154152,0.0,0.0,0.07755049484475411,0.16778500650316233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246381281439455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778407073250786,0.2882481825372806,0.0,0.0,0.08117837346822418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351688615624116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246900055461635,0.0,0.3313414815312408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448766456147214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883994456402483,0.0,0.09529992798351272,0.1346484214020194,0.0,0.0,0.17226509431610226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280865570383174,0.0871222431933901,0.1477076352848259,0.0,0.2142323053024557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762930443068847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441944582539128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633254949107958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351745820121916,0.08376376693014119,0.10426125895382347,0.0,0.1035823493076499,0.15363438414117006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381209384321952,0.0,0.0832145784695561,0.08339836399391473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554334211597702,0.09467553152443364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016092022387224,0.0,0.0,0.0726827648038267,0.0,0.0,0.08843672089207356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653333115022268,0.16457135365846454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160535508450227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117719302102787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494246860468083,0.09434946929354937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430684854062156,0.0960645790555657,0.07984822130069298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051843951442184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514911400644318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260806489481008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054951396538229766,0.0,0.08932735425920181,0.0,0.0,0.3838917161634763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055584480228588105,0.0,0.07559267327328087,0.0,0.08473199020523829,0.0,0.08503585044175596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860696179940573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121373382572014
suicidewatch,jackpapaya23,2019/02/14,"Best way to kill yourself in the UK? No guns here, I’ve had enough, not sure how to end my life here, don’t even think supermarkets sell charcoal for me to born for carbon monoxide poisoning. ",3.6193859649122793,5.228029184210532,3.9447368421052635,89.3414912280702,72.94736842105263,7.171929824561403,25.824561403508767,7.793537801064563,1.2141824561403505,151,5,32,2,3,47,34,38,0.265,0.648,0.08800000000000001,-0.8157,0,0,0,1,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,6,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39547989001695777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337764557175317,0.3893858675796328,0.0,0.2489052822602273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41692770412434493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617967034726386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551758252842272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24146969246398484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991252817390599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CarefulMission,2019/02/14,"I despise when mentally healthy people say ""go see a therapist"" Tehehe omg why didn't I think of that sooner. I'll just go see a therapist and they'll give me the magic antidote to my perpetual cravings for death that have persisted for years. Thanks mentally healthy individual.",4.634117647058822,7.469583784313728,5.972313725490199,70.41141176470589,73.90196078431373,10.354509803921568,33.729411764705894,10.355215969177356,4.545145882352942,227,12,37,8,5,76,40,51,0.118,0.728,0.155,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,10,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,4,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273282957134361,0.2693570416947148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776307189366623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642888310940224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884522655176271,0.0,0.0,0.3776772565214597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817501235471395,0.0,0.5502931630983964,0.0,0.15184419994316412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21383334395480674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260431998769974
suicidewatch,JohnCaged,2019/02/14,"I am in hell. I just want everything to stop. I am literally struggling to type this from fatigue. Chronically ill for over a decade. My tinnitus is getting louder and louder (don't tell me about that thing where you drum on the back of your neck it doesn't work.) I can't do anything. I am not functioning but my illnesses are invisible so nobody understands how severe it is. I'm turning 25, I won't be able to go back to university I've deteriorated so much, the last year nearly killed me anyway I went for so long on no sleep. 

This is hell. I must have lived a terrible life and died, this can't be real life, every year the pain ramps up higher and higher, this is on purpose, someone is punishing me. This is a nightmare.

I can't do anything, I'm housebound, becoming bedbound. No cure, no real diagnosis, tried everything. Can't even listen to music or watch films anymore because my ears hurt, can't even focus well enough to read a book. Nothing to pass the time, can't sleep, just a constant stream of unbearable emotional pain and the most horrid thoughts you can imagine.

I just want everything to STOP. I have looked into assisted suicide in Switzerland but I'm young and they'll never approve it for such a vague illness. I am so lonely, my body is turning to stone. I don't remember the last time I felt real pleasure.

Somebody kill me I'm begging you. No one understands what this illness is like. What if this never ends, what if I die and it still doesn't stop?",2.8636311569301256,5.054211147766324,4.2655670103092795,83.67699885452465,76.6975945017182,7.197709049255441,26.928980526918675,8.167268648758528,1.8898966781214213,1168,47,225,21,27,386,157,291,0.331,0.632,0.037000000000000005,-0.9987,0,2,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,4,1,2,18,15,5,1,12,0,33,15,5,1,3,35,50,16,5,5,9,0,1,1,0,3,10,2,0,0,16,7,0,3,6,4,0,3,18,12,1,1,3,5,28,3,25,42,3,31,2,3,2,0,7,10,2,4,19,152,44,4,0.10056322794418343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973169997519107,0.0,0.0,0.16550993611146075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465382978293904,0.0,0.06130241036063855,0.11106418441279314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170307588905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086731236664258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873750743988384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312009599676955,0.0890691712111169,0.10390869671164142,0.0,0.1328421272454844,0.0,0.084728856799431,0.0,0.271139234765585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655646924648363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254013600666749,0.0,0.057152399921176864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765501541239993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225166240769009,0.0,0.0,0.16394490553949542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206156380989945,0.04913011352867814,0.0,0.08879917267845798,0.08899529219036889,0.08444778397696183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073925543492283,0.0,0.15512112183381424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964931294177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814424585177402,0.0,0.21401272953472888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005904417818564,0.3433889084787468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139185336310682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360782339212645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127170700945346,0.0,0.08520689669709726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030992373904212,0.2522260844538188,0.0,0.10513052046494574,0.0,0.1099998492985691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789669372691095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680974016701041,0.0,0.0,0.07983596996611589,0.1172784538446202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827583063044976,0.2187678290908459,0.0,0.20937973368522164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186295946897454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041841907998192,0.09322311980412623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321122764562983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951884340222755
suicidewatch,Chlone69,2019/02/14,"Another lonely Valentine’s day I just honestly wish I was dead. I have no friends, and being around people in love makes me feel even more lonely. I doubt I’ll be able to kill myself today, I’ve never had the guts to",3.968,4.570144466666669,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,71.0,7.777777777777778,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.102555555555556,171,4,35,2,3,57,38,45,0.316,0.467,0.217,-0.7165,0,4,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,8,9,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,6,3,4,5,1,5,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.3104265916376574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325509347925221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27634548081682875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001994706551106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503383607375986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569610120074502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398348146527992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34344103012111754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801721188163085,0.0,0.20721216042012505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394201246633012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521071228850508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29424811164386205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569752603638549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,etherealmermaid53,2019/02/14,"I despise college. I’m currently a freshman and have no friends here and feel constantly alone. The area I’m in is terrible and I can’t go anywhere fun without a car. I sleep all day and miss classes with my already low GPA. I got academic probation last semester.

I actually like the classes I’m taking and in the beginning of the semester I was doing great, I kept up with homework and assignments. I feel like ever since my mom’s birthday (she’s still alive I’m just a few hours away from her and I can’t physically see her bc she’s working a lot to help put me through college) I’ve been terribly depressed.

It feels like stupid reasons make me sad, I feel like my professors despise me and think I’m making an excuse even though I discussed my accommodations with them. 

I feel useless and like I can’t function without someone holding my hand. I barely leave my room. It’s hard caring for myself, taking showers, cleaning up my space, brushing my teeth.

Everything just makes me not want to be here anymore and it feels like no matter what I do I can’t do well even though it feels like I’m trying as hard as I can.

I keep daydreaming about my funeral.",2.61922077922078,4.849856008658011,4.085086580086578,84.47620129870131,77.65800865800865,7.143722943722942,29.54761904761905,8.150884317080207,2.2553619047619047,922,44,178,17,22,305,132,231,0.166,0.649,0.185,0.6779,2,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,12,22,3,0,9,0,13,3,3,4,2,38,41,14,1,1,5,1,10,7,1,0,0,0,4,0,5,13,0,3,9,0,0,3,9,10,1,0,4,12,37,12,19,36,3,20,0,5,1,0,10,9,0,1,15,110,42,10,0.0,0.0,0.10708020928560373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364671808873805,0.1210892838155044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088222255076908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309452156997068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187658635258163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857865827209167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076648017624307,0.0,0.09450989812318444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495066194224632,0.0992566574810242,0.0,0.0,0.09861784152542273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883778921005508,0.3919540518422919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477677588837812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062361830331531164,0.0,0.08776074279541131,0.12097721304970145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659224223209024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354940241706075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806150055286044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753266322467206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944422628860264,0.0,0.11618774667597237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752581983939268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328813697299168,0.0,0.0,0.21973597424603808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285139193599894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030850233304508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128202498421803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744024230101123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076941526943523,0.0,0.10980879245991536,0.0,0.09297348916631927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763015805214892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650059268070741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031026309247215,0.21561744578366546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449915963971285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472132987016548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866004082571872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211550735379856,0.0,0.07988441715652556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,73J4S,2019/02/14,"SuicidePrevention I need help... I'm in an LDR with a girl from NYC who has been suicidal lately, become closed off...I finally broke through it and found that she was attempting to kill herself on Monday but failed, because she couldn't go through with it... Please, I love her very much and I don't know what to do anymore... I don't know her family so I can't warn them... I have her phone number ... But I'm afraid things will get worse if give it to a suicide helpline can anyone help me out?",1.5622000000000007,3.701498820000001,2.588000000000001,94.31900000000002,80.8,6.0,21.0,7.1686216300943375,0.3790000000000005,382,11,86,5,10,121,72,100,0.198,0.664,0.138,-0.8289,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,2,1,5,1,1,3,0,11,1,0,0,0,14,21,6,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,14,1,11,16,1,8,0,2,0,1,14,4,0,1,3,53,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488845289320856,0.1444572449358811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259394557652206,0.22816986897690344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947610207961895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263166314203771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265226629789495,0.0,0.0,0.10793827021782136,0.19818641928705755,0.1174136889464109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769548812689296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285686840867898,0.0,0.2270803317879896,0.0,0.2330501225931406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646162484740852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187237597665793,0.15318886568980813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267811818048976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519666053396526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372536947071105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046394790397146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053972915450592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,curlydreams,2019/02/14,"I feel so lost and alone I’ve cut myself off from my school friends because after school we really all just fell apart. I have friends at college but our friendships are only superficial. I feel apathetic most of the time, and find it hard to feel emotion. I live by myself so it seems like I’m constantly isolated. 

When I reach out and go out with some friends I enjoy myself but I easily tire of people. I push them away but I don’t know why. I feel undeserving of love of affection. I feel tired and drained. I’ve slept four times today and I feel even more worse each time I wake up. I want to sleep now and not wake up again. ",0.9432558139534885,3.3210335581395363,2.3996589147286818,93.17576744186049,85.51162790697674,5.92062015503876,19.452713178294577,7.3011,0.4074936434108532,495,14,109,8,15,160,85,129,0.181,0.586,0.232,0.8698,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,2,0,1,1,8,8,1,0,1,0,3,7,4,1,1,30,17,12,0,1,5,0,7,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,9,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,2,7,21,6,17,15,5,20,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,3,10,67,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631551109192798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418014800691787,0.0,0.0,0.09200408462709134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309915397577945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977327357741234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099686278608255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578812787167323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794512289201558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498189461495117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577565234474986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520151456209348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294588036777824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373561816312284,0.0,0.1332718656552258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647553410082716,0.0,0.1362180819976476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478726646756265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046342176271585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668810685352086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054936458366898,0.0,0.13739884924992712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510366318045051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26402135076689515,0.34693822510936223,0.14306174921650855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902102874017558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618871409770694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380815282072552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meshuga7,2019/02/14,"How many pills would it take to successfully kill yourself and what kind? I don’t know where else to post this
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suicidewatch,i_just_wanna_die,2019/02/14,"I think i should finally kill myself and stop being a disappointment for my parents For the past couple ive been working really hard on my self.  I fixed my sleep schedule for the first time in 3 years , I managed to control my temper after tryinf out LOADS of techniques . I have no one around to talk to ,some of the people I met on the internet helped me. They listened to me and have saved my life so many times now. But my internets been so shitty for the past couple  months that I barely get to speak with any of them so i found a way to controll my suicidal thoughts by writing them down and write ways to fix my problems. During my good days I record nyself saying some motivational stuff and then I listen to it when am alone and depressed and it has helped alot. Some parts of my life still need to be fixed ,I am still working on my grades and school stuff. I made some progress but it's really slow I learned stuff for the first time and actually remembered it . I still play videogames but not like i used to (8+ hours a day) . I play like 2 hours now ,ike i said I made progress but it's slow. For the last few weeks my parents have started to force me to study full time. When am studying no body would come to my room but when im taking a break and playing a video game",3.567675773402976,4.6528282022900775,4.064993973483329,90.47914222579351,72.3206106870229,7.04250703093612,24.858175974286862,7.273561745256523,0.8464778625954192,1007,29,221,10,19,317,144,262,0.118,0.8140000000000001,0.069,-0.831,2,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,3,9,12,12,2,0,13,0,14,4,2,6,0,43,29,21,2,4,6,2,1,2,0,2,2,5,1,1,9,13,0,3,6,5,0,1,3,5,0,3,8,6,39,7,33,17,8,45,0,2,0,0,18,9,0,5,34,146,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.09965153617959882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576249444102584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694431138201924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909058482363259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342905143666215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796481941233628,0.0,0.0,0.2290659691581613,0.0,0.22598120588245976,0.0,0.13171413292211126,0.0,0.08795328842730339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186426595338593,0.0,0.1737214663499017,0.0,0.1119661036703857,0.0,0.0,0.0533519577877017,0.0,0.0,0.08565095892592166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147684278038412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689384779596211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112950103120256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030396608794052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297741533545093,0.0,0.0,0.08323904679978285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425662230259198,0.09977849097133636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932512939008668,0.0,0.10353068774619824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150887627479649,0.0,0.0,0.07571851836550131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919717390334207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677785760829586,0.11058284270290053,0.19496460877303787,0.07079512316359561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771225107747993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083762823249184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567874123413653,0.0,0.09713672440565456,0.08120759797812245,0.0,0.10334793327250323,0.0,0.0,0.10653038178291856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219082431442804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227899239914264,0.0,0.2446524878075218,0.08537444852337729,0.0,0.0,0.35069886417297896,0.11169950750957423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677933296341649,0.08207783803128837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543249936754265,0.0,0.08106955221874389,0.23818115423725075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819636713362497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211156446580802,0.08191215922776178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868489592184475,0.0,0.0,0.07254104132248952,0.0,0.0,0.06576004927957059
suicidewatch,labile_erratic,2019/02/14,"So, probably don’t call Lifeline and be honest with them if you don’t want 3 cops & 2 ambos popping in. Mfers traced me. Confidential crisis support my left arse cheek. I’ll never call them again, which is a pity, because it’s not like I really talk to anyone else these days. 

And in other news, I managed not to get sectioned, so thank fuck for small miracles. Mind you, that’s more a result of me learning my lines than me not needing to be hospitalised, but let’s keep that to ourselves. 

I managed to convince them that I just have a sick, dry sense of humour (true) and that the Lifeline dude was old (he was) and humourless (he was) and that everything I said was a dark, morbid vent about my current superbly shitty life circumstances with some super inappropriate jokes thrown in because dark humour is all I have left, and old dude was too full of spiderwebs to recognise edgy when he saw it. Which is not entirely true but has some elements of truth. 

Really, I just wanted the dusty old git to tell me what happens to my stuff if I have no will, and what happens to my debts, what sort of things are the vultures allowed to take from my estate? Basically, can they take personal effects like jewellery, and will my belongings automatically be left to my kid if I don’t have any legal documents? He had no answers, just started asking me where I was & making it pretty obvious that the whole confidentiality thing was about to go out the window. That was around midnight. 

So now it’s after 5am. I haven’t slept, so I’m gonna make a coffee soon. The universe is fucking with me anyway. One of the ambos was so close to being a late 90’s Brad Pitt clone, except for the rampant meth teeth, and I have a thing about good teeth. As in, priority number one - perfect teeth. You can’t send me a Brad Pitt clone with messed up teeth on a night when I finally figured out how to gently and painlessly slide off this mortal coil - just sorting out the admin first - only to be cockblocked by a supposedly confidential service tracking me to my home and sending all these people in uniform over in the middle of the night, not one of whom is legitimately hot on close inspection. That’s just rude. 

I suppose I’ll just have to be happy with the not being restrained, hauled off, institutionalised without rights, abused and neglected, chemically restrained & then thrown out on the street when I’m homeless at the end of all that, whenever they decide I’m fit to rejoin society. 

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suicidewatch,Frizzlenill,2019/02/14,"How to make things easier on those left behind? I've spent years begging my loved ones for their blessing so I don't feel guilty about my desire to die. Instead, they actively guilt trip me about how much it would ruin their lives if I were to kill myself. I played along and did my absolute best trying to get treatment for years, trying thing after torturous thing. Medications helped (but the testing process was agony) and things got to a point where I felt I could live an entire life ahead of me at that level of emotional stability and satisfaction. Even then, the result wasn't worth the pain and effort. I'm done, I can't take it anymore in spite of the guilt.

All that said, I still care about my loved ones, and know they will be devastated. I want to do everything I can to minimize their pain without compromising lethality, speed and painlessness (odds are 30-40:1 against successful death for most methods, and I don't want to take any chances).  Ultimately I'll be lying to them and taking their son away from them, but I want to do anything I can from making things any worse than that.

Methodswise, my dream would be something like a grenade in the mouth somewhere secluded and rural, but because I imagine they'd want a 'peaceful corpse' I'm considering taking the next best options I can find, being either drop hanging (not suspension hanging) or carbon monoxide. What else can I do to make things easier on my friends and family? Is saying goodbye better or worse than not doing so? Would they want a note or video recording (I'd rather not leave one unless it'll really help)? Should I leave an explanatory sign outside the door saying not to enter and to call police to deal with the body instead, saving them the shock of seeing me?  What counts as a living will in case I fail and end up with brain damage? What can I possibly say to someone who doesn't want me to die? 

I'm going to try discussing this with a grief counsellor to get a professional opinion on what helps, but I figured there'd be some survivors here who could share how they wished it had happened.",7.775907400743673,7.293954274559197,7.179330694494425,77.26178001679263,62.92947103274559,10.181552117068492,33.01055535564352,9.48565724429506,2.8210147295190118,1665,56,311,26,21,518,225,397,0.141,0.69,0.17,-0.5186,0,0,3,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,12,7,15,25,3,2,18,0,36,9,3,7,1,66,67,28,6,16,16,1,2,1,1,7,4,4,1,0,21,16,0,0,6,3,2,5,10,12,0,3,10,7,42,13,52,42,7,28,1,4,1,2,29,13,0,8,10,214,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603610538217833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846109072383891,0.0,0.0,0.07020809760007142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015753179690686,0.0,0.0,0.052008063211635966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906851943914248,0.07545539020977009,0.0,0.09476724646870532,0.0,0.09524127729814444,0.08711754590709991,0.0,0.08698571845837617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623634773590246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879574243702453,0.0,0.0,0.17708983085179514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730826090116832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127087401041275,0.09596942548418644,0.075564974677246,0.0,0.0,0.056350653345495764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667684613533286,0.0,0.08042867439108174,0.0,0.04313851677246157,0.0,0.08191708819475525,0.0,0.0779776104526594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591521067683298,0.0,0.08914855707981173,0.0,0.04848725540008771,0.0,0.06823528955773735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544497833621237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715572798566523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438991536017928,0.0,0.04688764207368633,0.0,0.0,0.18067542012441906,0.09269647839663372,0.0,0.06026147052867815,0.04168126562989079,0.0,0.22600773568118376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400269776751627,0.0,0.17084800505715286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594726032414568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271734367837914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073492030064008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734377274034846,0.0,0.1815652516802765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065154003798629,0.09618138064194212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465584700323866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115539878294388,0.20354098941808255,0.0,0.0,0.06798609563181797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228827779234179,0.06568070467627084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813375796759226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25658914990432874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400824048500913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737726311754634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019308093971707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981096073452244,0.08224192973416533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388932603998347,0.18181889000306695,0.0,0.0,0.10988188156278668
suicidewatch,NemoNoOne89,2019/02/14,"I just want to go I don't feel like sharing my reasons, I tried but i guess I'm too coward to hang myself, I don't have a gun, maybe scheduling a shooting range? They use real bullets?",-1.258416666666669,0.7815713250000016,1.4650000000000034,96.43333333333334,98.25,3.6666666666666674,19.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.2713333333333332,143,5,32,1,6,49,31,40,0.209,0.6890000000000001,0.102,-0.5963,0,0,0,2,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,9,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514915172879567,0.2615955912214153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081057690123137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033831966382235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889467584298965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678721426579534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167874721378053,0.0,0.3764890274828441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486088818299908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162577496473001,0.0,0.0,0.21597958322464966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h4nn4h59,2019/02/14,"This has nothing to do with the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day. Just the fact that it’s February. I started talking to a girl around this time last year, and we stopped talking 7 months ago this Tuesday. I know that’s not a long time to be talking, I really don’t know why after all this time I still haven’t moved on but I haven’t, and now things just seem like they’re getting worse again. There hasn’t been a single day in the past month that she hasn’t been on my mind from the moment I wake up till I fall asleep at night. I spend all day fantasizing about her and at night I dream about her. I don’t feel like I get to be happy at all anymore. Sometimes I feel that deep, **deep** sadness literally from the second I open my eyes in the morning, and then it’s not long before I start wishing I could just turn back time. We had a pretty unhealthy relationship, but I don’t even wish I could go back and do everything differently, I just wish I could go back. I’d go through all the pain again just to relive one day with her.

Anyway I’m addicted to codeine, and on Tuesday I’m moving up to morphine. Probably the only reason I’m not dead already is because it’s really hard to overdose on codeine. I used to take 1200mg a day of codeine, I’ve had 840mg of codeine at once and not died, but I know morphine can kill you. I’m thinking about it. ",2.250494279176201,3.63910799298246,3.4026086956521766,92.73782608695652,76.08771929824562,6.360030511060259,24.672006102212052,6.8959733430537185,0.6919488939740663,1058,35,242,10,23,342,138,285,0.096,0.775,0.129,0.8504,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,0,0,19,6,1,0,13,0,21,5,3,2,6,48,45,12,3,6,12,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,13,0,1,8,1,1,6,11,3,0,2,4,4,30,3,34,36,5,57,0,1,1,0,12,16,0,1,37,150,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699766756997432,0.0,0.0,0.08700379283374868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831064181452436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733813527530108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737404776723856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264131977295055,0.0,0.059831150114459074,0.0,0.08351817119851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350936624748813,0.0,0.0,0.3164922049800041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186389954882373,0.10254555323468202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648269554980828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821062750900452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925488139119147,0.07011816996378382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255834137534801,0.0,0.16734222026355147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448218769875718,0.08792285849322924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858810819823887,0.0,0.1618215356342728,0.08000511069734867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590197776504328,0.0,0.0,0.17371880339442644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910322426972293,0.0,0.1566843187156392,0.20863521027157436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421370148962246,0.0,0.09417729053784958,0.0,0.0,0.10452623420575606,0.06650878128622459,0.07464727461922774,0.10443820782795166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369500076370928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985353700814524,0.10582198414008126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575443055345475,0.1009142451341918,0.0,0.1053760533222352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935180658930944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707256945006884,0.0,0.1389417349262898,0.0,0.07838248242840119,0.08205754952080634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379636443677721,0.2366670488173856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520630379008753,0.06289036883971268,0.0,0.0,0.22892753273122826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675869631835133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476983323225754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856484394254506,0.0,0.3386019560576198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002293612880243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320519304755992
suicidewatch,goingtogeorgiaaa,2019/02/14,Suicide pact Anyone want to do this ,1.5828571428571436,4.33182442857143,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,90.42857142857142,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.1874571428571428,29,1,5,0,1,9,7,7,0.417,0.463,0.12,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903614746180726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7671024432552622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136417118258222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Angrywaffle2,2019/02/14,"Life's worth living. Most of my life I have wanted to end it. Probably since I was in my early teens. I'm 35 now,  still looking forward to the day I die.  I've recently found myself wanting to help others though.  I've started some online stuff for the sake of helping my friends in need.  

Every time I see someone kill themselves I get more and more frustrated. I've beat this demon.  I know you can too. Keep being awesome and keep up the good work of keeping this demon locked up. There's some days where the act of not killing yourself is something to be proud of. I fully know what the struggle feels like and I know everyone here can beat it. ",1.618087912087912,3.9895220615384623,2.645274725274728,92.63615384615385,82.23076923076924,4.945054945054945,23.131868131868128,6.18269132825596,0.4779560439560444,508,18,103,4,14,161,88,130,0.103,0.716,0.181,0.8465,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,4,7,8,3,1,5,0,7,2,0,0,0,18,23,4,3,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,5,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,2,3,13,4,14,19,5,16,2,0,2,0,4,6,0,3,11,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013968209561996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205032238180156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382951064815053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155602678012826,0.1491999838048059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894988115834307,0.11154758553109344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712011978805843,0.1206346077430552,0.0,0.0815775380504266,0.0,0.0,0.13096416046508302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093168374791796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163574674885732,0.34549507761423137,0.0,0.2574340088490644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22057485016282602,0.07628289552388873,0.0,0.13787588762815575,0.0,0.13111961319971785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577701305100875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683470466076427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154170986430776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442463422799542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291619395919479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229826539817338,0.12020542699553545,0.0,0.0,0.11051782347238877,0.0,0.1246948781940185,0.0,0.0,0.16323309540732647,0.1787447679062014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340832275173685,0.0,0.09104741877514927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841927145655141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367293964031415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Upper_Value,2019/02/14,"I'm a waste of space that will never amount to anything I assumed I would be dead by 18, so I dropped out of high school in 10th grade. I repeated 9th grade twice, but didn't complete my school work and the school threatened to put me through the truancy process so many times, it's a surprise that I never went to court.

Fast forward to college. I joined a community college and did not do well. I have a lot of withdrawals on my transcript. There was a semester where I got Fs in 3 out of 4 classes. I barely passed the fourth class with a 70% (the bare minimum to transfer). I was put on academic probation. I took a semester off, and then continued school part time over the summer and in the fall. Then the next spring, I tried going back full time. I didn't manage my time well and ended up having to withdraw from most of my courses in order to prevent even more Fs going on my transcript. I was put on academic probation again, but managed to get lifted off of it.

All academic advisors I've seen have commented on how many withdrawals I have.

I lost financial aid. And I'm surprised my parents are willing to continue paying for my education. I also still live at home and don't pay rent. I do volunteer, workout, and have had a job for over a year. It's a part time job. The fact that I can keep a part time job (that's easy) and have volunteered for three years is the only thing I have going for me.

I've applied to a program that only requires an associate's degree and I would earn a little over 50k each year. I have realized a bachelor's just isn't going to work out. I'm going to school full time this semester and am surprised that I'm doing okay, I'm passing my classes. But I'm overwhelmed. I also am unlikely to get accepted to the program. It's competitive. It's also something I'd like to do. I won't mention what it is for privacy reasons, but it would help me give back to the community. But why would they accept someone who has my academic history? It's based on points, but I doubt I'll be accepted.

The idea of working full time for decades on end is also overwhelming.

I have wondered if being a truck driver is my best option. I think my parents would be thoroughly disappointed, but it might be the only way. I would pay for the trucking school and maybe even keep it a secret from my parents, and then tell them about it later. I don't know. My siblings are all successful. All of them are at least getting their bachelors. One of them is in graduate school, another will be going there soon, and the third is still in their first year of college, but is very successful.

I just feel bad that they're paying money for my education and I'm not college-bound. FYI this is a community college. And as I've mentioned earlier, I've lost financial aid. I'm ineligible for it.

I want to pay my parents back for my college when I get a full time job.

I also think I'm probably just some spoiled brat who can't handle life. The worst thing that happened to me was getting beat up by a special needs sibling growing up. And I have been diagnosed with depression from it. I've been in the mental hospital for suicide attempts. So it's not like the depression has gone untreated.

But maybe I'm not depressed. Maybe I'm just some spoiled brat who cannot handle life. I mean I don't pay rent. I don't have to pay for gas and I can use one of the cars. I don't have to pay for my own school. My parents are proud of me because I'm volunteering, working, and passing all my classes, and I've ""come such a long way.""

But that's because they're, well, my parents. And I appreciate they love me. But I'm sure other parents would've kicked me out by now and I would've been homeless. I appreciate my parents not doing that. I know how lucky I am.

People who aren't emotionally attached to me would look at this and go, ""wow, what a failure. Depression is such a dumb reason to be in this position.""

My parents also say I was severely depressed and shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I'm here because of the decisions I made. Not because of my depression. I know plenty of other people who were severely depressed and still got their high school diploma and succeeded in college. It's not my depression. It's my poor decisions that lead me here. And how can I trust myself to not continue making poor decisions? I'm not mentally an adult. I don't know if I ever will be. I've always been ""young"" for my age. (Also keep in mind I'm in my early 20s, it's not like I'm some 18 year old fresh out of high school).

I just don't see myself ever being a contributing member to society. All I'll do is take up resources. We already have nearly 8 billion people on this planet and the population will just continue to grow. We might as well save those resources for people who aren't failures and actually enjoy life.

And my parents are the only ones who give a crap about me. I had people who I thought were friends, but realized they are not. I've also seen how my parents have reacted to other deaths. I know they'll be okay and move on if I die.

There are people who have been through so much worse, and they still were able to graduate high school, go to a good college, and have successful lives. They were able to also graduate college within a reasonable time.

I'm the stereotypical millennial/gen Z that everyone complains about. Most people in my generation don't fit that negative stereotype, but I sure as hell do. 

I'm inferior to other people.

Suicide seems like a good option right now.
",3.0616519771788333,4.8135706850678766,4.567723293330712,83.70695381664373,74.72850678733032,7.808872712964785,28.119466850285267,8.555228424015878,2.1220861695848905,4337,178,863,83,92,1449,374,1105,0.122,0.745,0.134,0.1388,17,0,1,0,0,3,130.0,2,0,12,18,55,55,3,3,52,2,108,6,1,12,12,154,177,75,5,13,34,11,2,4,1,17,4,1,3,1,53,44,0,5,26,1,13,25,31,21,4,8,30,7,113,34,118,119,26,136,1,14,4,1,47,56,3,18,57,595,166,62,0.07177166467583346,0.0,0.035019395768258035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396009083426416,0.25828098439894104,0.029859887259237636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037629424149667655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02953098234302813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278196990287046,0.029963171049942325,0.08750268125176207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765996705872947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030912467010364094,0.03762561244977399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472673184689796,0.03642336443214912,0.03724382832450427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036673127917344,0.06356839194408964,0.0,0.0,0.047404507623697294,0.06492157970463981,0.0,0.03429045065243907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018144955078667303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030524470654346023,0.0,0.0,0.027725305045618463,0.0,0.0937443313172638,0.06884992066200664,0.16315796405575067,0.06019866714652266,0.05740235670760871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03173372302163848,0.0,0.032146657078958515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0240535169752251,0.15166140853569324,0.035996415786852615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040510736670983136,0.0,0.0,0.1424446052824581,0.09569092990901212,0.0,0.0,0.09860957478663013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604167395124638,0.07012802006759505,0.03596703154901448,0.06337569482661326,0.031757832357768995,0.030135061086025382,0.0,0.07834725027266393,0.03050885136418832,0.03238836476140748,0.033956042241262974,0.023954071743614327,0.07276520297308388,0.108156425901413,0.03909019170823281,0.0,0.0,0.07232895711755155,0.07613839423893913,0.03623446076043167,0.0,0.0,0.03814096057689701,0.026380215845158542,0.02660888997083477,0.0553547323807816,0.0,0.03816498980726607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765614439188748,0.0,0.07295150617443905,0.10917117028209222,0.0,0.0,0.43831667010253655,0.11658257811939406,0.0,0.19902974156346886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03392371088541469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038690996788146345,0.0,0.0,0.10822551969901882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110689837260943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030646304739724232,0.0,0.02853785422695438,0.0,0.3995021599703626,0.02859636221894433,0.032669113982834744,0.0,0.08108155209155278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030405949285989286,0.027626666956870032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463388824271875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850655214280791,0.0,0.06764394457421086,0.0,0.026981679871174943,0.0,0.031365799195426335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768190487091039,0.0459883847114718,0.0,0.028489342389935682,0.2092531742245836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03987048013843696,0.0243641245495445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03099383716883745,0.0,0.029609569947175764,0.021166393682758924,0.05696900672366999,0.0,0.0,0.12906269194798245,0.033266526102018336,0.032381382000810616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389166543833513,0.10450125336081498,0.0,0.03657072896476396,0.2294303911022402,0.0,0.0,0.1155464973119447
suicidewatch,81698,2019/02/14,"Done. I hate myself with every ounce of my being. I will never be good enough for anyone. I'm never nice enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, nothing. I'm not enough. Sick of the intrusive loneliness that always creeps up on me. Today of all days, I feel like I'll be alone forever. I can't do it anymore. Will someone please kill me",1.0492483660130745,3.6296996764705898,2.280196078431373,92.17199346405228,89.0,4.786928104575163,16.37908496732026,6.42735559955562,-0.16229934640522847,270,6,53,3,9,86,50,68,0.258,0.614,0.128,-0.8851,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,3,6,12,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,2,8,4,7,6,7,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397692150082915,0.0,0.0,0.11229058748509993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383577889850626,0.0943613347678648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703265302751823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810239700018528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8366468051095429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113702589525223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823561147384986,0.09640948910207926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319104524769727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323681991622227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493040112050947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659305618285695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816607126322914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948975237747629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481363916696756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729434885370118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434409911610174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791838919904233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpmepolorize,2019/02/14,"Why death is so difficult I’m smoking in my room while my parents are sleeping in the other. I cut my legs again. I took some pills again. And again noting will work. It’s a shame I can’t get a gun in this country. I’ll have to die painfully and slowly just the way I suffered through my whole life. I understand that I’m unfixable and broken beyond repair. No one wants a broken toy no matter what pretty lies they tell you. I hate that I’m  still here. Things changed but i didn’t and i don’t wanna live with myself. The only thing I hate more than this body is what’s inside it. I’m completely useless and so helpless I’m sick of myself and I’m, as always, ready to end it. It’s just i’m afraid of pain and I love my parents. I wish they didn’t love me, this whole thing would have ended years ago. Maybe there wouldn’t have been a thing in the first place. I think I’m doomed. It’s either a miserable painful life or suicide and neither is particularly great. ",0.7707299596954762,2.947998453201972,2.250015673981192,95.36586990595612,84.17241379310343,4.873175100761308,19.0794894760412,6.11248444174946,-0.2047615763546795,758,20,169,6,22,245,117,203,0.322,0.586,0.092,-0.9944,2,0,0,1,0,1,20.0,0,1,2,2,11,17,3,3,9,0,15,12,3,0,0,23,33,14,3,5,5,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,17,9,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,14,0,2,4,0,23,3,14,26,6,19,1,5,0,2,8,7,0,2,10,109,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112179470929155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439767677457304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393643267807244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272628234226072,0.0,0.1315486054208613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021379208544792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225108814519612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672122749229418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555075252188385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832659385546375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477431950728989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724054636997474,0.0,0.0,0.1107886852758612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264757402640453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604735682489487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501893857018539,0.09542246801924736,0.4005136797271592,0.0,0.27863006041272376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108515781675975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764392257281645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555650649780867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019722703803527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372393268624196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096627236985718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334158665431167,0.08039348040417764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939722753145609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061442307797005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400303648140592,0.09958898870701938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132134566445417,0.2801563856557054,0.1442795890762068,0.0,0.0,0.0913406669638801,0.0,0.0,0.08912737310094318,0.0,0.0,0.08079592380292501
suicidewatch,ihavethisfornoreason,2019/02/14,"I want to do it, but a small part of me is too unsure For a few months now I've been planning to finally commit suicide in February, the exact date currently being only a few days away. But I'll admit, I'm really not sure what to do on that day. I don't think I want to die just yet, but I know I don't want to stay alive either.

On the one hand, I've been wanting to die for several years now. Had my first suicide attempt nearly three years ago and have been planning this one for forever. I have suicidal thoughts every single day and I know that if I stay alive they will only get worse and I'll be wishing that I actually did it often.

On the other hand, there's still a small part of me that doesn't want it all to end just yet. There's still a few things I'd like to try to experience, however most of these things are small and won't matter anyway. Plus I don't want to hurt the very few people in my life that actually somewhat care about me.

However, again, if I don't do it now, I will be forced to watch my life fall apart and I won't be able to do anything about it. I'll be forced to live on my own soon which I know I won't be able to do well. If I end up staying alive, I will be in an even worse situation than I'm in right now. It's pretty obvious that I should just do it in a few days, but there's still that part of me that's unsure. And I don't know which part to listen to.",2.7746129032258082,2.8318832032258063,4.576935483870969,89.85540322580648,73.41935483870971,8.006451612903223,23.241935483870968,7.908726449838941,0.77818064516129,1083,24,267,14,20,371,133,310,0.162,0.687,0.151,-0.9169,3,0,0,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,1,4,24,5,0,0,11,0,35,4,2,0,5,43,54,14,5,11,12,0,2,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,23,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,1,1,4,6,4,28,4,39,34,15,46,0,1,1,0,3,17,0,6,26,191,51,0,0.1830553344348428,0.0,0.17863560035895604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113375452481404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531947145727362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599325625733074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331855672741428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23611109384099616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899825364332565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213269260743066,0.0,0.0,0.06045316097911861,0.0,0.0771160071865953,0.0,0.0,0.08953162132100415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026408559965598,0.0,0.07785338697820815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781942845595048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798226077648922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120484898962915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292973963007222,0.04471579496138356,0.0,0.08082060701758066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730565107480652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404303212234093,0.13922183062698684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39646217716163584,0.0,0.06345376004050103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311654235044718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058634967319344665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816412770500057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340021164099436,0.0,0.0,0.10288093281130924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29266894533042576,0.219282339812821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003492371830214,0.0,0.08626374316697108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161383022196845,0.058647233427701735,0.0,0.07266274403099399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214127800676151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551991100712456,0.323912337149534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229436485940285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525230027191956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654902464384326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788163367114808
suicidewatch,sonder-in-the-tundra,2019/02/14,"Could it ever be enough? Are there preconditions you've imposed on life, on value itself? Could they ever be met? Is there a world you can envision in which it would be worthwhile to live? Or a person it would be worthwhile to be? Is it about circumstance?

I can't picture a better world, I find that everything on which I construct meaning is a weakness, vulnerability, a source of pain. It feels as though I am condemned to live in a world where the existence of meaning means it's shortage as well... Maybe not shortage, there is such abundance of negative meaning, of experiences that compel pain and action surrounding it... But it's disequilibrated meaning...

Do you believe there is a life that would be worth living? How do you imagine it? Can you help me do the same?",4.125961538461539,6.517488861111115,4.87305555555556,79.8544230769231,73.58333333333333,7.20854700854701,29.13247863247864,8.139509932561175,2.1874087606837613,612,26,109,10,13,197,80,144,0.174,0.748,0.077,-0.9296,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,1,1,12,5,0,0,9,0,24,5,0,2,2,22,31,7,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,15,1,0,0,8,0,1,1,3,3,1,0,1,1,10,2,15,19,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,2,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134105989482126,0.0,0.11095179766184056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003258832292778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296250990861009,0.0,0.0,0.2269564156114671,0.0,0.0,0.11274786193676027,0.1227157947850096,0.0,0.0,0.06343212818943626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146605435747524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408760261815558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772204335916915,0.0,0.0,0.33232833982564924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260330533114329,0.6832681703085208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26697882034467024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095395497400458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325561801160805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279610757679867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26735177750241995,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mikedomert,2019/02/14,"Can there be any long-term injuries from failed opiate overdose (or opiates mixed with other downers) like brain injury? If someone were to attempt suicide by ingesting opiates with alcohol etc, but were to survive, could there be some permanent injuries because of that?",12.95133333333333,11.76080735555556,10.229444444444443,61.7975,53.22222222222222,11.666666666666668,53.611111111111114,10.125756701596842,6.177444444444442,221,14,28,3,2,65,38,45,0.146,0.818,0.036000000000000004,-0.6608,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,7,6,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,22,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37690274077888974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398313616930593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498764678430984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937023764899378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281582604672708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39332628987047397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722993831994321,0.0,0.0,0.3121066256666222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988207168843192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857696395330084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,niimi93,2019/02/14,"Festering, Friendless Ex-Cult Member Hi, after lurking and observing threads in Reddit for some time now I'm finally making my first and possibly last post. I apologize for how long this post will be. I live with my parents still, have no job, have severe-major-recurring depression (what my psychiatrist called it at least), have no drive, ambition or wants/desires to speak of, and a knack at quickly giving up.

I am a 25 year old male who was born and raised in a controlling religious doomsday cult that deprived me of things normal humans are allowed to have and am now a broken, useless shell of a man-baby. My parents were brought into this cult at a young age whereas my siblings and I were raised in it so it's all we've ever really known. I couldn't stand the illogicalness of the cult anymore and finally quit around 5 years ago. When you quit this cult you are ""lovingly"" punished by it's members by losing all association with them. Being born into the cult I was taught to not associate with kids outside the cult, basically a legal form of segregation, and thus when I left was basically friendless. I now have a few friends I talk to online through mic and have even met up with them about once a year to go see a movie and stay the weekend over one of their houses. Due to our communication being mostly only verbal though I sometimes wonder if they are just figments of my imagination. As you can imagine, it's a very lonely life especially when you factor in I'm still living with my parents, 2 aunts, and brother who are all still very much in the cult. My brother just recently tried to move out and live on his own in his car for 2 days before coming back and he apparently left because my presence here is somehow ruining his spirituality. I personally think it's cause when he sees me he feels guilty(if he still has a conscious at all that is). My younger brother, sister and I used to be very close.

I have tried giving facts and bible verses that counter the cults beliefs to my mother who I desperately want to pull out from their clutches only for her to typically become hysterical or start bawling at me. She has stage 4 breast cancer and has used her and my tears to try to coerse me to come back into the fold on numerous occasions. I am constantly surrounded and reminded of these cults' lies and their members are obligated to preach their ""good news"" whilst if I attempt to speak with one of my old ""friends"" about said lies I will be branded an apostate and all members will be required to ignore me (though that's pretty much happening already just without the requirement and kind of by their own volition because I'm ""bad association"" by not believing what they believe).

I am jobless and working on trying to get disability at the moment. I just had my interviews with the physical and mental health inspectors 3 weeks ago and I don't have many physical problems to keep me from work besides a light case of asthma, very low stamina and a ridiculously slow work pace. My mental health on the other hand is a stagnant, disease riddled, mosquito larvae infested puddle. The mental health interviewer basically told me to get away from the cult, ""change that thinking""(referring to my negative thoughts on life being pointless) and take out a loan to go to college. I am broke as is my family. I would love to get away from these brainwashed zombies but honestly don't believe I can handle living on my own especially when it comes to cooking for myself and have been a shut-in for the last 3 years just leeching off my family who all don't work besides my siblings. If I could change my thinking so easily I wouldn't have to apply for disability. I graduated from a 6 month welding college course where I got my certificate for TIG welding but failed to pass the Stick welding exam. I got a welding shop job a month after graduating only to be fired 5 days after starting for being too slow and doing horrible MIG welds(which I didn't learn in school). 3 months after that job I got a job through a job hiring agency grinding metal pieces for fabrication in a giant welding company that only lasted 4 days. I quit that job cause they were using me to try and get somebody else fired, started me 2 hours earlier on overtime on the 2nd day as well as the rest of the week, my body honestly couldn't take waking up at 3 in the morning for the 45 minute commute, and overall I just hated the job already especially because of the leader of my area trying to use me to get rid of another employee. That was my latest job from 8 months ago. I've worked 4 other jobs since I was 19 before the welding job, all hard labor jobs which I've been slow at. I can't mentally take the monotonous grind of daily work. It just reminds me of how absolutely pointless it all is because I have no wants or goals of my own to even save up for.

I have tried killing myself once before but panicked and attempted to throw up the over-the-counter pills that I didn't realize at the time wouldn't have killed me anyway. I am constantly thinking of ways of killing myself and when I get to a real low suicidal point I typically go halfway through with it, like making a noose from a extension cord and hanging myself for a dozen seconds or so on the backyard swing set before panicking again and aborting the mission. I have been to therapists and psychiatrists since I left the cult as that was my father's answer to me leaving it (I must be crazy!). I've been on half a dozen or so medications with none of them having lasting positive results. I even got a fancy genetic test done on me after all those other drugs to see which ones should work for me. Surprise surprise, the 3 drugs that supposedly would help me are new, not covered by insurance, extremely expensive drugs. I willingly went to a psychiatric hospital to stay for 3 days due to my parents finding out I had a suicide plan I was going to go through with. I must say, it was awful, being there only made me want to kill myself more since there was nothing to do there but eat and sleep with the occasional 3 person group therapy meeting.

TLDR: I have a nihilistic point of view I assume is mostly due to my mental illness as well as being taught the idea that this life is pointless and it's all about that glorious afterlife, baby! I can't bring myself to do anything I don't want to do especially with no personal goal or ambition. Having no intheflesh friends makes life lonely and not worth living. I think most of the mental health profession is just a guessing game at this point in time unless you can afford the definitely not money driven tests to pinpoint which expensive drugs will work for you.

Thanks for reading if I didn't already bore you. I really don't want to live, especially to the age of 30 and still be stuck in this situation which my mind won't allow me to leave. Can I make a gofundme thing to get euthenizatia drugs?",9.252741773423763,7.360054612660138,9.130451017332328,68.99396841245918,60.899020346646566,12.102130118060787,39.29827932680232,10.793553405168565,4.169379914594323,5529,228,997,108,60,1810,535,1327,0.108,0.828,0.064,-0.9952,20,4,5,0,0,5,109.0,1,7,11,23,52,38,7,0,71,1,106,27,5,18,14,171,177,75,6,21,29,11,5,1,3,13,18,4,1,6,51,63,2,5,18,5,6,19,28,22,2,8,37,14,135,16,186,111,27,167,2,11,4,3,73,62,0,18,79,696,186,42,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723590871968846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104855820449625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383407664959879,0.0,0.0,0.036261875213722435,0.0,0.0,0.030089232668238517,0.032549902544284484,0.0,0.0,0.0687065653904402,0.05623124721937201,0.030529591421221088,0.08915682196737254,0.040382301684343126,0.12445381220887827,0.12358604435200644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04061459896788712,0.0,0.0,0.037336150642002484,0.0,0.0,0.075123039756474,0.07736018038979338,0.09449049829292433,0.0,0.07902585136837399,0.04100987514536377,0.029193549640436682,0.0,0.0,0.11790446581539238,0.0,0.031492703960206474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03741788576980119,0.0,0.0,0.2120143994868581,0.0374143192118808,0.03054470899900642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245095555123618,0.03307442492483965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893897369891969,0.0,0.018487965241889497,0.0,0.0,0.0801086184357416,0.03341902920071359,0.031101501769387356,0.0,0.0,0.08474826315885686,0.0,0.13372304886428285,0.07015145171687683,0.10390142726044037,0.030668327945365437,0.11697496863582847,0.0,0.04027960403261125,0.0,0.032333613705638975,0.0,0.032754353821325494,0.036099591435404914,0.0,0.15546419874817552,0.0,0.0,0.02450822191926984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03600838551292531,0.042190193777549206,0.0,0.04127654702088597,0.0,0.0,0.3991277451408819,0.03249995344806768,0.1618115415111254,0.03807600225242546,0.0,0.11921885835852675,0.0,0.07743244638991413,0.11918137656530745,0.0,0.10330554278774537,0.01786342804199784,0.0,0.19372122522020802,0.03235817880191249,0.0,0.04090600272835142,0.0,0.0,0.06600126143652266,0.03459794339456198,0.0976275871453292,0.03707037403931165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036834598878068066,0.22108876644344228,0.0,0.03691943287779535,0.0,0.1167408271618146,0.03886197294954895,0.05375780887903472,0.0,0.0,0.035313945749748804,0.0,0.0,0.03582516642512392,0.035084349497668366,0.0,0.07673598370924384,0.07787938921593912,0.07433057313446798,0.13904366205655844,0.0,0.0,0.16240093035954914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577938401301132,0.0,0.0,0.10369500255134052,0.0412206574371681,0.07003681950406095,0.03719895073392632,0.0,0.03498701471533811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667162717556127,0.03657410881890364,0.041618080483705015,0.04684794356707998,0.0,0.03610275020836806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034780940656924934,0.029077330571423664,0.0,0.03700493666180829,0.08741083377548195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907388870527242,0.041099708542709834,0.03659062026138756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036162942613582084,0.0,0.0776410166420199,0.07794517425073039,0.14600114275466766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799906310588354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247521541883751,0.029388930204123257,0.0,0.033663415715578494,0.04181436533850109,0.042453870667608806,0.04858327816732295,0.0937154877915278,0.07184830926248857,0.0290279016721658,0.06396266171583091,0.0,0.0,0.03493867342423772,0.0,0.17377290828646696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126318964539941,0.0,0.12067722353400012,0.10783260388532688,0.029022971167629287,0.05865921394021235,0.0,0.06575123918505296,0.03389539272079018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524659752144753,0.03965233038333154,0.2129534662932366,0.0,0.0,0.05194833712721273,0.0,0.0,0.09418462010465163
suicidewatch,suicide_anon_2019,2019/02/14,Kill myself I have access to a fuck load of setraline and trazodone. Would taking all of it kill me or would mixing alcohol be needed? ,4.453461538461539,6.121099730769237,5.818461538461538,76.50153846153847,70.92307692307692,8.276923076923078,24.538461538461537,8.841846274778883,2.0197538461538462,107,3,18,2,2,36,23,26,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.9313,0,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,7,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33750493885030264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919613363864972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.698794139859944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341691777758649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374498822525073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486848493124221,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GTAFan85,2019/02/14,"Im Tired of trying So im gonna just come straight to the point im a 19 obese nerd that has been dealing with bullying for over 11 years now not only in school but also in public and at work.

I tried commiting suicide many times before.
2 were nearly successfull.

I honestly dont know what to do anymore its gotten to a point where my stress eating habits are fucking up my organs to the point where if i dont turn my life around that i will die of organ failure.

The only Reason why im still here is because i dont want to hurt my parents in this way...
But im not sure how much longer i can go on with this... i cant quit my job because which is currently my biggest reason... Because if i do it will cripple my job searching luck in the long run.

Im thinking about doing one more attempt. And make this one final. ",2.505238726790452,3.5143135114942545,4.074827586206897,89.68754641909815,74.80459770114942,6.503271441202476,24.87886825817861,6.67199483983844,0.7787122900088419,637,20,140,5,13,213,112,174,0.163,0.765,0.07200000000000001,-0.947,4,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,11,7,1,1,6,0,16,5,0,4,2,23,26,9,2,3,7,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,6,2,0,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,3,0,15,3,21,20,2,28,0,1,0,1,3,17,1,3,7,88,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712279268487301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564226758209536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585177877765919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636623671103846,0.0,0.08206308098201275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307426158955182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942509532191936,0.0,0.0,0.1000891820050756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390798279910165,0.0,0.0,0.09868188857785484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564497664428232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915694799119465,0.0,0.0,0.05480890356406109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032406927104285,0.0,0.6250285462555867,0.0,0.19140304132452354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300073661744604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811821167400732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534609909723154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437424814708989,0.09777471827751748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089427547710074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070007224496774,0.14669347410886593,0.0,0.0,0.1070848732000446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27350006370294605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257549119927788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983121457725025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760212435808664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701686843458844,0.0,0.11047134970864636,0.0,0.0,0.10548937823401172,0.0,0.09089327527018604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061794665244945715,0.0,0.0,0.056234764207427686,0.11084324748868807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095245070868525,0.10489869947802773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688263331164785,0.07654934440322035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702182837961922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020924967927789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210400444733629
suicidewatch,xX69GamerGod69Xx,2019/02/14,"Well here is another troubled individual I don't even know what to write.

My life is in shambles, as it's supposed to be when you're suicidial.

I fucked up my business venture that has consumed my life for the past few months.

I'm probably going to fail high school (I've had like 50% attendance at best for the past 2 years).

I've abandoned my social responsibilities and lost my friendships.

I've been spending a lot of time in libraries lately to avoid home. My plan was to get my own place a while ago but I wanted to get my stupid business on its feet. Now I've given that up, I'm unemployed, and if I want to have any chance at graduating high school, studying will have to be a #1 priority.

I missed some good chances in life (who hasn't?). I missed out on some real meaningful friendships. 

I guess I just can't put up with the abuse at home. I was hopeful that I could make it out but all my efforts have been meaningless. I'm tired of avoiding my family all day, just to come home and get destroyed by my angel parents.
",2.9841855203619905,4.621964500000004,4.158687782805433,87.03925339366518,74.67307692307692,7.2018099547511305,26.65837104072398,7.928766900206844,1.4694430995475107,808,30,171,12,17,264,125,208,0.191,0.693,0.115,-0.9648,3,2,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,5,7,16,3,2,6,0,18,6,1,1,2,30,37,9,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,0,8,7,0,3,2,0,1,4,3,11,1,0,7,0,21,5,29,26,8,31,1,5,0,1,4,16,1,6,12,104,29,5,0.0,0.15807315366758054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826299716995042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072573893331802,0.1398956625997152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000921258347074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149238967305567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651980499695893,0.0,0.0,0.08604065529277201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811834294691108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577035210764392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233386091877142,0.20910910503069727,0.0,0.0758219531848767,0.11190089429201208,0.0,0.0,0.14696998548492687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819173255684049,0.4014737842668585,0.13250968505642746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332055759654046,0.0,0.15049621252468984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827016517789329,0.06517908562154401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456365694857018,0.11342336677206488,0.0,0.0,0.08905453150719125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648936406859437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813987718422858,0.0,0.2547165186540898,0.0,0.0,0.1393886872858262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384229242500887,0.0,0.0,0.13411739288801994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185374413433916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700431215586617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599823809191852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779447100441561,0.15333916527127628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738145007579862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995473764860548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591390470520119
suicidewatch,TheKingOfBirds12,2019/02/14,"I want to die Hi i'm an impulsive person and i dont know what to do. 
I have a history of selfharm (pretty gruesome) and ever since i stopped and things got ""fixed"" (i moved away from a bad household to a good one, my school is awesome and my caretakers to). But thats not the issue, i get awful flashbacks, feelings of worthlessness, my eating disorders relapsing and i dont have anyone to turn to when im feeling suicidal (like i am now, had to stop myself from jumping infront of the train that im on). What do i do? Im too much of a pussy to call a hotline and i still havent gotten an answer if i'll go to psychotherapy or not.",0.9118312284730196,2.785856440298506,3.4882089552238824,88.41299081515501,81.61194029850745,6.5111366245694615,24.48679678530425,7.61054688173877,1.2559834672789902,489,19,106,8,13,171,82,134,0.146,0.778,0.076,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,9,1,11,1,0,0,1,19,21,10,2,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,4,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,3,2,14,2,17,18,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,7,74,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029236740490092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819774601029814,0.0,0.13170259958504127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106563727650955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637046025822973,0.0,0.1807786112936768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697297907921637,0.0,0.0,0.16140285121811718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268083978856733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595116717940894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824103170540009,0.0,0.08964475077307632,0.13230109959885092,0.12615553253857706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111444000120468,0.16463493815945093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668733574111961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706162451280328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764793186526167,0.1159537820156243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688569411654786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772860225046316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047376612084452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596368024909853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048048087087954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259678177665396,0.2637479733777952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253709536338105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479249366160842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157098864670048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303651696989232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Another_Noone,2019/02/14,"Im afraid. So. This is my first time writing something. Ive been here a long time, why, Im not sure. Maybe it made me feel better to see im not the only one who has problems.

​

While I never tried to end it, I more and more feel like I should. I think the only reason I havent planned anything is the fear of what it'd do to my family.

My biggest problem is, Im always afraid to fail, afraid to not be liked, afraid to not be good enough. Which is why I try to spend as much time away from other people as possible. I dont like hanging out, it always make me anxious and afraid of what could happen, of what others might think of me. I spend about 95% of my time playing computer games to forget about everything else. It works, but whenever theres some ""real life"" problem like exams or anything I have to do, I start pushing it away as hard as possible. I just now did so again. When my mother heard i pushed my exam for another 2 months, she was furious and told me how much she was dissapointed that I once again put wasting my time before doing what Im supposed to be. Its moments like these I truly hate myself. I hate to not be able to get up and study. Or to not be able to talk about how I feel. Its in a moment like right now taking my life feels like a solution to all my problems.

I wont kill myself now, or in the next few days, because I cant. But Im afraid these thoughts will come back again and again, until I actually do.",2.2199043715847004,3.4626005901639374,3.758381147540984,90.75177937158472,75.88524590163935,6.525956284153006,22.544398907103826,6.996647511020387,0.5216693989071044,1120,30,252,11,24,372,158,305,0.136,0.759,0.106,-0.7611,0,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,5,21,27,4,7,7,0,29,2,0,5,3,45,48,21,1,6,12,1,5,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,20,7,0,0,8,2,2,5,11,16,0,2,8,7,37,11,36,29,8,39,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,5,33,171,57,5,0.15811845376333308,0.0,0.07715040100592276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156722013632954,0.0856606392956896,0.09606561412483007,0.0,0.08290049268640542,0.0,0.08931442306203267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011801488182986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855749225186335,0.060791665437163474,0.0,0.04819377090584998,0.0,0.06727357908909452,0.0,0.0,0.06992146149690825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810252357619645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312235955716974,0.0,0.0,0.050986660932020186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926568251029154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604383940121511,0.0,0.07002300899539676,0.0816893152322393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710533353528644,0.0,0.07453000301302834,0.08896361001529572,0.1598988823013917,0.11295985496208608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724773799812077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413051829964155,0.0,0.0,0.06631112856872848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991181323435137,0.0,0.07082153847124767,0.15610923772669866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123851899818798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746732094559684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168374001125927,0.2703704137300738,0.0,0.0,0.06996492794149152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480775204756772,0.052772647848470175,0.0,0.07942561968497047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386934609542215,0.0,0.0,0.0631043206279252,0.0,0.1162352568585176,0.0,0.060975349617879336,0.0,0.08408038469602629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419549641493586,0.05357257820389082,0.12025620917742427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480971343473655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825479888391724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025960117757748,0.0,0.0794763593210623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998670845880599,0.0,0.0812860525299965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751614778466651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299996799207816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060863655337866515,0.0,0.0,0.05595852770245118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451238570845242,0.0,0.059442699572829535,0.06354481185719509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131592062820974,0.0,0.06276419514270518,0.2305003548608041,0.0,0.0,0.075544479294169,0.0,0.1073520509374058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267731076919016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755605876070094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606561412483007,0.0
suicidewatch,ImportantContext,2019/02/14,"Today's the day. I can't hold it anymore. I have failed my transition, I have failed my life. I'm a huge burden and pain in the ass for people who care about me. Even if they'll feel sad for a while after I die -- it's still better than a lifetime of me suffering and them feeling bad because of it.

I have jumped from 9th floor once. I survived because of dumb luck, but my life only got worse. Transition going nowhere, me still looking like a guy despite hormones and hard work, nothing at all bringing me joy or hope. It's just crap.

I have fucked up my life so much by not trying to transition as a teen. I am and will always stay a fucking freak. Completely worthless waste of air.

I'm ready to jump again and this time I'm pretty sure I'll end up dead",2.26470788704966,3.7584194240506363,3.4145569620253187,92.22922590068157,76.27848101265823,6.127361246348588,24.17916260954236,6.67199483983844,0.6386420642648489,591,19,130,5,13,191,107,158,0.278,0.542,0.181,-0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,5,7,20,4,0,8,0,8,8,2,0,2,17,21,11,2,2,5,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,13,0,0,1,4,18,7,18,18,2,21,0,5,1,3,4,7,5,4,10,75,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372267859823363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355648500032652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770144626887482,0.20106759963236914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458584808961683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814709616805776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291565176630502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635986076808927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711610902706439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460703123360617,0.0,0.0,0.10892821137934236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677717806647585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049320639387804,0.0,0.0,0.09372792845971656,0.0,0.1319017190254097,0.0,0.0,0.1632968887572796,0.0,0.0,0.14773607122903867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380293252146988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494639623536443,0.0805716605494189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849139959285356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123529477933585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582453430370335,0.0,0.0,0.17563458975931653,0.0,0.12542921453183975,0.1754866797454224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433487471222945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778309427966126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578294900704802,0.2634109082803057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543530061746205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616627251852056,0.0,0.15632502964820125,0.0,0.0,0.11196996412546707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200638418803309,0.0,0.168067734258211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Big-sp00ker,2019/02/14,"Why does nothing ever go as fucking planned Nothing goes right, every choice I make is wrong

Every decision I make is wrong

The only thing I’ve done right on this earth is being a failure

And if I kill myself im sure I’ll fuck that up too

And if I fuck suicide up I’ll be hauled off to jail for trying, and even if I do succeed my parents would probably go to jail

I’m confused and angry and sad

I need help

Please what should I do",-0.07099613152804808,2.0669525000000037,2.0533655705996128,95.56136363636364,87.82978723404257,4.269245647969052,20.247582205029012,5.565023196281405,-0.16056170212765952,341,11,76,2,11,114,63,94,0.307,0.599,0.094,-0.9774,1,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,4,1,2,0,10,3,0,2,2,17,19,9,2,6,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,2,8,14,0,9,0,1,0,3,2,6,3,4,1,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848868412316553,0.16194825134513008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045249289959975,0.14314933007643382,0.26667075947998603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389083681105296,0.0,0.0,0.17987819579770928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607396975398983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709409115301739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508402503286274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127084943413107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734294792984873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30369695849114114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035890038905585,0.0,0.0,0.17572175810757315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371479505492632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062401424643006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27029520925204675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310361819569844,0.0,0.14915202916471346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513657816233417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744372281245744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279914818628026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241872950541243,0.3460506679777871,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kintin_kulirat,2019/02/14,"I want to listen to you These past few months, ive been thinking about ending life more often than not. You know the feeling, life is just like a fleeting moment, youre sad all the time, nothing makes sense, you hate everyone.  Im merely existing, not living at all.   
Right now, im just trying to save enough cash to pay for my death's expenses. So while im waiting for the right time, i would be interested to be friends to someone who listens and actually know how being suicidal feels. Im all ears. Lets be friends for a time. ",4.5370889487870665,5.210020094339622,5.344016172506741,83.71971698113208,69.75471698113208,8.321293800539085,29.293800539083556,8.418075326091056,1.9653762803234505,414,15,85,6,7,135,72,106,0.111,0.736,0.152,0.4019,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,0,0,7,7,1,0,5,0,9,3,1,2,3,20,20,4,2,2,4,0,2,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,8,5,12,13,6,12,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,10,51,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.14617359218016726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266962487123746,0.15477328043074967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431309204337282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147681481133118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314550176495269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788677539905098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6471963232251512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464151312382935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531705908723921,0.21160244474048007,0.0731799077402609,0.0,0.13226745873949314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998609734092853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956107950190335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372770183473113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299166026399046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558399625452137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691671952859998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384612704819188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597948857148003,0.0,0.0,0.2620315469226436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169768859804268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835011941904712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064066345298254,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,postlimitskillpeople,2019/02/14,"It's not that I want to die. I just want someone to love me who understands why dying seems fun. Tried to post this multiple times but Reddit won't let let you post cries for help if you're trying too hard FUCK YOU

I'mma go listen to the gospel of Lauren Mayberry and then debate jumping off this overpass I'm currently sitting on",3.9694029850746233,5.335076089552242,4.782268656716422,84.64295522388062,71.68656716417911,7.748059701492537,25.34029850746269,8.238735603445708,1.531450149253732,266,8,52,4,5,86,56,67,0.206,0.684,0.109,-0.7485,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,12,4,2,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,8,9,0,10,1,0,0,2,6,2,1,2,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596648659643465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269960176130012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901787034928462,0.0,0.0,0.11691165360109708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842787808048031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378853412774739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207117338065829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856643555761844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940331041197782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872737336247149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430027793783626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995312523765105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793317610810121,0.0,0.0,0.21415488176749628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24267016083898635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856243273204848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Laesneniel_Istuion,2019/02/14,"Question Is no longer taking medication that keeps you healthy considered ""suicide""",12.044999999999995,16.03272016666667,8.756666666666668,53.655,55.66666666666666,11.466666666666667,53.66666666666666,11.20814326018867,7.853066666666668,70,5,7,2,1,20,12,12,0.14800000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.181,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40479097847834095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587795285779671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101654995211617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981466491505253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424130355853185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayduh1020,2019/02/14,"I’m suicidal, but I’m not even sad and I don’t get it. I feel worthless, guilty, and restless all the time and I think about suicide every day. 

I don’t understand, this doesn’t feel like depression because I’m not even sad. I can mostly fake it during the day and even enjoy myself too, but then the thoughts always come back that I would be better off dead. I just cried uncontrollably and I don’t know why.

On the outside my life is perfect. I’m in grad school and I have wonderful friends and a loving boyfriend. I do childcare on the side and I love my kids. So why the fuck do I still want to shoot myself in the head all the time. (I am not in active suicidal crisis, please don’t worry about me. Just need to vent.)",1.2482000000000006,3.3095087533333363,2.6273333333333326,94.037,81.46666666666667,5.6000000000000005,20.666666666666664,6.742157984588678,0.2294666666666667,563,16,125,6,15,182,87,150,0.315,0.464,0.222,-0.972,0,0,0,1,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,15,1,2,9,0,13,5,1,0,3,30,31,12,4,3,7,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,1,2,18,7,10,28,3,15,0,4,0,3,4,7,1,2,8,80,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540808127880948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589157409145324,0.0,0.09187529131694808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332963684639882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129828794787728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655548392467345,0.19439916148330255,0.0,0.12981177600795288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986401937878426,0.0,0.12698502971749406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241343555990058,0.1076717943698208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644308226800315,0.13933484190131815,0.07874307507725814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546784622489442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282976732194322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645541898917077,0.07363239824221192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720547901084085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111754267764993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654412988918178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253299796679784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036227606319397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494577691464585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657295484250702,0.0,0.11965195096011574,0.17576783765576384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690104120723491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889641130595755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27199613653072546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344545823751588,0.0,0.15305977479428692,0.0,0.1070645745704198,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EarthPeople123,2019/02/14,"I shall end myself. I'm tired of living.

Staying conscious is painful.

I wish I could just disappear suddenly then everything would be so much easier, no one around me would even care. Everyone would be happy if I just die.

The world would be better without me. No more oxygen will be wasted. I'm only a harmful biological mass to be cleansed.

​

Fuck world.

​

Please lend me a hand ending this shit.",2.7280519480519487,5.70877693506494,3.50390909090909,83.65586363636366,84.84415584415585,6.196883116883117,24.58311688311689,7.554174236665415,1.6893231168831169,332,13,57,6,10,105,57,77,0.243,0.528,0.229,-0.3394,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,3,0,13,5,2,0,0,12,18,3,1,7,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,8,3,4,6,2,10,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,4,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172704795246499,0.3558084986268424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303359948926401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948780093510645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492748147564016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689652009425495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195052799554526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593517142107801,0.0,0.0,0.0967024643657592,0.0,0.0,0.13990108740822255,0.13158392211744446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535374203624118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558562322596568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928276608788455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762824088282402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921124635463424,0.11135144876702396,0.15579062742202862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071428069802787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502878234941999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605364438845293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682768271579334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836434442154594,0.14113407400493067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160220260740803,0.0,0.3558084986268424,0.0
suicidewatch,Maivory,2019/02/14,"Not stable today I can't sleep and going to see help today for sexual assault that happened when I was a child. I came on today to reddit to a few...messaged that made my unstable thoughts worse.  I just...I don't know if I can keep doing this anymore. I shouldn't let those comments get to me but because of other weight already on my chest and just coming back to a few rather choice words from strangers I just feel lost. I love my husband but I am not strong. Please so not bring up I have family or friends that care, I really don't. Please don't use guilt of my husband or prayers. I just feel lost at the moment. ",1.6762239583333312,3.612638757812501,2.8590625000000003,93.56302083333335,79.390625,5.516666666666668,21.604166666666664,6.42735559955562,0.2493260416666665,483,14,105,4,12,155,82,128,0.166,0.695,0.138,0.0869,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,1,1,4,0,11,4,2,2,0,25,29,9,0,3,12,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,4,0,0,4,8,4,0,0,6,4,17,4,13,21,1,14,0,2,1,1,7,4,0,3,6,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888822816703914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607657960544664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464966537275002,0.0,0.09881843791028533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540631285483616,0.16527807973894007,0.0,0.0,0.1396401416833564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281930292577145,0.0,0.16393153591874365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524285180753805,0.0,0.08469380138935757,0.0,0.09212869200100704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334998165614846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865637211282188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408744327249987,0.0,0.0,0.0890893307863388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657645775729265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35391614408866673,0.0,0.14630717899864892,0.15338881066937365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558878668681238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038493858451396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917765736856776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622232760930841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869421927607627,0.0,0.0,0.4609731830794902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000771313775398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974016859395716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652000719447955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goslet,2019/02/14,"Need reply ASAP. Can I drown in a lake? Since when you jump off a bridge the impact usually doesn't kill you it's drowning after you can't swim anymore, can I cut the jumping part and just wade into a lake to drown myself? How long does it take to drown? I know the body has survival insticnts but cpuld i put rocks in my pockets? Thanks sorry  Any replies ppreciated asap, on a deadline. ",1.3206410256410237,3.7770041410256425,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,84.51282051282051,5.005128205128205,21.48717948717949,6.42735559955562,0.4238102564102566,305,10,61,3,9,99,58,78,0.14300000000000002,0.777,0.081,-0.4197,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,3,0,1,3,3,2,0,7,0,5,1,1,1,0,7,9,4,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,8,9,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823730770546093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745167864539003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30746863271867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422344557477203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062443966630299,0.0,0.15212512484004087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496425537420155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524785333609305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997535024525028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782660935092713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289764620399528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098612193631274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081233707618128,0.0,0.0,0.25484541681410977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048622739679683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MediocreFortune,2019/02/14,"i don't know what to do anymore i feel like i am being pressured by my family to get 100% and ""they want the best for me"" but they keep barring me from normal things like arguing with them and not letting my fucking phone in the room, i dont know what to do, i've already tried killing myself once. my dad hits me and punches me on the head with belts and he thinks im trying to fight him when i ""break a rule"" I dont know what to do, i want to fucking kill myself",5.347352941176472,3.4436088333333323,6.132666666666669,87.42900000000002,68.50980392156862,8.944313725490195,30.203921568627447,6.742157984588678,1.3977427450980393,359,10,87,2,5,119,63,102,0.197,0.711,0.092,-0.9497,0,0,0,0,1,2,9.0,0,0,3,1,1,10,6,1,4,0,9,4,1,0,0,17,21,6,2,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,5,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,20,3,13,18,1,5,0,0,0,2,9,3,2,0,3,58,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224610807226772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277044397662472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282363713800615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083478564205607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423057306131705,0.0,0.08808628743658836,0.12445633277449175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32211041995251016,0.09101802763536816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787906877875625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881777136207952,0.0,0.0,0.1548466910039284,0.3854771947486019,0.0,0.2872253354498632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814249277980362,0.0,0.17022133442191806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706897360471542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552896909168035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573800981522085,0.11162733820161767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365555901249048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550825613533905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChloeK10,2019/02/14,"1376 more days to go. Everyday I cross off another day and it calms me down. “Soon, it will all be over” I reassure myself. Idk about you but I am looking forward to it. I just have to endure the pain a little more, soon I will be gone. Everyone is living for something, I am living for death. I have it all planned out. Hopefully, my parents will forgive me. I would want them to adopt another kid, I never deserved them anyway. ",0.6641069518716556,3.1287359882352948,2.6942245989304823,89.50946524064173,89.11764705882355,5.9144385026737964,23.02139037433156,7.348242739294969,1.2274705882352943,329,13,66,6,11,110,58,85,0.123,0.7390000000000001,0.138,-0.3919,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,3,11,16,2,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,16,4,11,9,4,15,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,7,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5010603081984386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081693632056876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282998499237759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578466453147647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373030814530297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394622336134172,0.4219443414256113,0.0,0.20063398971089505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427108502005524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542294525288272,0.0,0.2652941883223173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393353835082774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409221637295018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972306626995434,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,todownvoteajackass,2019/02/14,"I am a product of other people’s interests. I am a product of my parents who birthed me for their own purposes. I was raised to be something I never chose to be. I was molded to do the bidding of others. I am not a man, I am an asset to others. No one has considered the mind behind the eyes and has only used me to further themselves. My only worth is what others take of me and I am left with nothing. I am nothing. I never chose to be alive and I want it to stop. I do not enjoy this world, I do not enjoy my life, I do not enjoy myself. But I am chained. Chained in fear of disappointment or grief. I am made to please, and if I were to kill myself I would go against everything I’ve worked to do. I wish to die, but I cannot bring it upon myself. ",-0.07864308913749696,1.7830663251533745,2.7727246481414656,92.26122338505958,85.13496932515338,5.062287982677733,20.63118007939372,6.2272716619740125,0.14600570191266635,573,18,130,5,17,202,85,163,0.134,0.792,0.07400000000000001,-0.8459,1,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,1,0,8,1,1,7,0,24,2,1,2,2,22,31,8,3,4,8,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,4,0,1,4,1,30,4,22,23,1,11,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,2,4,109,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611541231221195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848884580177418,0.0,0.0,0.223480178532522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286893878215365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972144000589208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577944676678795,0.0,0.1402770309826946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792009205036414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052935360120355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063450778659665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811240519091241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345764783982414,0.30208845045737714,0.0,0.0,0.22052176219113115,0.0,0.0,0.13768421202338027,0.0,0.0,0.218003126856563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289195839410855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603846630379718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493224601689052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152660761754598,0.0,0.0,0.11713940691252832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283801624574781,0.0,0.0,0.1445831423124384,0.0,0.0,0.14107971944285502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NicoGames,2019/02/14,The things. So like. How do you deal with suicidal thoughts? What keeps you going? ,0.5410000000000004,1.396618933333336,0.03250000000000064,101.50875,126.33333333333334,4.166666666666667,17.083333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.06266666666666643,64,2,13,1,4,18,14,15,0.235,0.629,0.135,-0.4708,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764223585206934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26263175327493504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41075084243186416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257670346727174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5054810177893744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30701001567920666,0.0,0.0,0.3668692967491105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unluckythrowsaway,2019/02/14,"where do i go from here, whats the plan to minimize how shit i feel? really no reason to feel like this but i just feel like shit half the time lol

prob cause no money to do my uac app in time and now i gotta be scrambling for ways to get into uni now lol

​

its not terrible, thinking rationally but it just

feels shit lol

bored too, and tired

just not much to do to keep my mind occupied so it 

goes to kinda shit places

im really not sure what to do with how im feeling 

feels weird

seeing everyone from hs moving on bc they were actually prepared 

meanwhile i kinda fucked up lol 

im just kinda clueless most of the time lol

doing shit alone is pretty rough on me even though its what im supposed to be doing

everyone in uni

doing their orientations actually doing shit

and i have to delay my shit and go to tafe or something 

dont wanna sound like a little bitch but occasionally i want to take the out 

just kill myself lmao, but it would just fuck up everything even harder 

so im just in this weird spot where i can't actually do anything to fix these feelings 

seems like its getting to  a point where i just dont care

no way i would kill myself, mom would be sad + she needs me to help with rent

i say that but honestly that ""no way"" is starting to budge

nothing to do

just wake up, play some vidya, go sleep, eat some shit in the fridge whatever

dont belong anywhere, never get invited out because i didnt do good enough with my friendships in highschool

just a friend to people, but not one that gets invited to shit 

so im just kind of sitting here having played every game to ease the boredom

or even if im playing i just feel sad lol

dunno what to do

just playing the waiting game, 0 uni offers and the alternative pathways still look like a gamble. like fuck 275 dollars to apply

that money going down the drain if i cant even make something of it just sounds like utter shit

i really do wish i could kms and that nobody would care

i know a few people would care a little but move on pretty quick so thats nice

lol 18 years of my mom raising this piece of shit 

cant even pick myself up 

just dunno whats going on

if i had money in time to apply for uac i bet i woulndnt be feeling sad lol

i just dont know where my life is going

what im doing 

work come home 

what am i gonna be in the future

shits what i asked myself when i was in like yr9 and i thought id be better

but it doesnt happen automatically and thats the big fuckery because i thought id just organically be better off, nah

every time my friends are done playing league for the night bc they have shit to do the next day

im just sitting there like fuck

idk what to do 

or what im doing 

same shit 

really just want to not feel like shit 

no options to do so 

feels unlucky man

i still dont know if im just seeking attention or am genuinely depressed 

dont know which one is worse lol",2.2221652892562003,3.7280870925619847,3.854619834710743,88.97829338842978,76.42148760330579,6.5590082644628085,22.18264462809917,7.24861992348623,0.6173596694214867,2261,61,494,26,50,755,251,605,0.237,0.581,0.182,-0.9951,1,1,2,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,3,4,47,57,22,0,19,9,56,24,17,6,2,110,108,33,2,15,41,2,12,10,2,7,2,3,2,1,30,15,1,3,21,7,7,9,22,30,0,3,7,17,44,27,62,86,8,63,0,4,2,4,15,30,20,19,29,304,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.11281189683366548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990996382383502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175195063552686,0.04682345137381323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031710485578948275,0.0,0.036024414209522605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046980362517611785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816099979608035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786500980818425,0.03958539081255814,0.0,0.03319392927588433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030766541808444618,0.0,0.0,0.02485146699589449,0.0,0.03318957800563538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03943401748328722,0.27097181759671296,0.0,0.0,0.03943025875388564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981628301013709,0.0,0.12725786920302756,0.0,0.0649337013785019,0.07364244292852108,0.03463218783485788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143253694157732,0.08258683907132504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059543084317924114,0.142497537477751,0.08053042683955422,0.0,0.1313997500874343,0.032320783376723436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03407579722730008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02582876161401849,0.0,0.03865309356944911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578607994646864,0.0,0.0,0.03425109960412205,0.08526509482929127,0.040127594267435465,0.08470988097572414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027217950029797145,0.18825936292961445,0.07724308131739921,0.0,0.0,0.032359147721164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02572197693119764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389087072030945,0.09026192676345647,0.0,0.08191182848520896,0.028327180058232506,0.028572731238355933,0.02972006522671137,0.0,0.04098171692516479,0.03616187579604173,0.0,0.0369747467826578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052223743809936864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053429730818963087,0.0,0.04026019269492672,0.0,0.036427414852669815,0.0,0.0,0.07840657179970775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874436182983197,0.03961972827303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030644060681970887,0.0,0.0,0.0307068867950578,0.03508022373912912,0.0,0.0,0.5933243266488425,0.0,0.0,0.038562177670562366,0.0,0.0,0.059331248378675004,0.0,0.0,0.027274810291861427,0.0,0.0615471611772796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036318167543622215,0.0,0.02897303450701795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024691254649992025,0.03785980187432508,0.061183936959215875,0.11234844284081807,0.044289565112566716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545711441894714,0.09176031693631273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431259919046505,0.0,0.0,0.02805346474075627,0.0,0.03926979333020925,0.13686847829304075,0.0,0.04682345137381323,0.024814857116146272
suicidewatch,tragicthegatheringg,2019/02/14,"Is four stories high enough? I thought I’d wait and apply for assisted suicide but right now my balcony looks like it’ll do the job. My only concern is there’s a crap ton of snow and I don’t want to end up laying there broken and freezing to death instead, much slower and painful. Barring the huge piles of snow, is a four story jump  enough to kill yourself? ",3.0416894977168925,4.722947438356165,3.541301369863014,91.3433675799087,74.61643835616438,5.414611872146119,27.235159817351605,5.46131890053228,0.7806365296803648,285,11,58,1,6,89,55,73,0.309,0.607,0.084,-0.9731,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,8,10,5,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,2,1,2,4,1,7,8,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,36,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327658639113632,0.5430924578979417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776662874441882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607918856689533,0.0,0.2907530941044353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839249724756382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068872007584506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931907837708792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987387589791306,0.2796414135262694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244327213658911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874643336627958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863659409514315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550082914096265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_c_train47,2019/02/14,"please help me any cheesy comments or any support or literally anything positive you can say, I want to see it, I don’t know what to do anymore",11.585172413793106,6.292842000000004,11.182068965517242,66.54482758620689,60.03448275862069,14.358620689655172,49.68965517241379,11.20814326018867,5.398282758620689,114,6,23,2,1,38,24,29,0.0,0.625,0.375,0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701139666152409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427964864017446,0.0,0.0,0.2844442869102777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168499456698366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996273037514227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794249563945581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748784141768284,0.0,0.0,0.27544196685065475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922447477362936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038760406822689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piggycan99,2019/02/14,"I dont even know how to put it in words anymore. I thought I was getting better, got a new job was getting out more made new friends who try and lift me up. But the past few days have been hell for me I'm riddled with anxiety about everything I do. I relapsed about a month ago and it's looking ever so easier now to go even further. I lie awake at night just thinking about how its winter I could drive off the road and people would think it was an accident. How easily I could just end it in my lonely room aswell. It's not like I talk to people on a daily basis no one would realize till it was too late. I cried this morning becasue someone said they cared about me and it was the first time I've heard that in over a year. But I feel I'm too long gone I work Friday and I've come to fear going to work becasue of the people. It terrifies me thinking of going Friday I'd love to crash before then. I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I feel I'm ready to die now I've attempted before but been scared but now I'm ready to be successful. I'm sorry if this is the wrong type of post to make here I'm just not sure what else to do at this point. Is it too late for me to fix myself?",1.2072935461485057,2.5411103816793923,3.10645385149202,94.0022345593338,78.77099236641222,6.443025676613464,20.306037473976406,7.1686216300943375,0.2344442748091597,928,22,223,11,22,312,141,262,0.133,0.7809999999999999,0.087,-0.7986,1,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,6,22,13,1,2,10,0,19,1,0,5,3,41,48,16,1,5,12,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,18,8,0,0,8,0,0,7,5,5,0,2,13,5,21,8,34,30,2,45,1,1,1,1,7,16,1,1,22,139,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360976232101758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941520540097636,0.0,0.11591656791234704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891771578047968,0.0,0.0,0.1033735501613324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917004875832166,0.0,0.0,0.10068438911747514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866431925846765,0.0,0.12839053063885386,0.07537989107461794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213061416933046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698605195758895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764078151441916,0.0,0.10352368039608477,0.0,0.0,0.1544002906628719,0.10572740103388698,0.0,0.0,0.10504693936573507,0.0,0.0,0.13152591501331862,0.11819915356785544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942065380730436,0.0,0.0,0.09030354648426578,0.0,0.12213312808376507,0.0,0.19928197499284692,0.0,0.09348204426827647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598838149294027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423586183009658,0.0,0.26369831955956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057103149177292735,0.0,0.0,0.1034378119858605,0.0981523155511012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549150669284812,0.11059755822019963,0.0780203365707878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329492711069938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257727360555595,0.0,0.10968681482706062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920297261630732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157808692714677,0.24309594821575015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098450479223591,0.0,0.11194164251791157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749973814948347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118253664355604,0.0,0.11702031308988245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903462018642373,0.0,0.0,0.13084099352059242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032176321182428,0.0,0.0,0.09394615981107092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468179681137493,0.0,0.09279207751123708,0.06815544036207495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935591151073497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018448985512116,0.0,0.0,0.16606071564278327,0.1277932552384161,0.0,0.07526884536660675
suicidewatch,Hellblade999,2019/02/14,"I make a post desperately pouring my heart out at how much I'm suffering, but you all ignore it. Fuck you. This is why people kill themselves. Get fucked.",1.3170000000000002,3.969624366666668,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,88.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7823333333333333,121,4,24,2,4,39,28,30,0.5379999999999999,0.462,0.0,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,1,6,6,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,2,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993185717373365,0.16934812084880888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841037165196429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586093890227268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163638579238329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382778733491726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224715672491751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043349339477666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924830821911706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,escapingboredom,2019/02/14,"Who do you talk to, if you do? Have you ever scrolled through your contacts or ""friends list"" just to realize you dont actually have anyone to TALK to...?

I thought about posting this exact message to my snapchat but felt that no one would care or my friends would start worrying about me and i dont want that",4.957786885245903,5.6820594918032805,4.672254098360657,88.7267418032787,68.8360655737705,8.067213114754097,34.92213114754098,8.07648339933343,2.390373770491804,243,12,52,3,4,74,41,61,0.105,0.738,0.157,0.6835,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,14,13,5,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,10,3,8,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,3,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.21504702078704135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540861723608242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467948794139495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165384478672572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933513977025571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115874853416861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405109722582032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493268108579641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105127657746944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597734442258354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542463110545286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494728480412008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997853910457052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237940275785094,0.0,0.3130856867690654,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Paladar2,2019/02/14,"Don't have any friends I finished high school last year and my only friend right now is a guy I've known for 3 years and we never see each other we just game. I literally don't do anything as I'm taking a break of school. How the fuck do you even make friends at this point? Every one has their friend circles already. Just makes me want to die honestly, people are out there having fun and I'm wasting my prime years. Anyone else in the same boat?",1.665053763440859,3.7172791612903215,2.5238709677419378,95.37247311827959,79.96774193548387,4.993548387096775,20.010752688172047,5.82211442006289,-0.2185569892473116,354,9,78,2,9,111,73,93,0.152,0.7120000000000001,0.136,-0.3753,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,2,1,1,0,6,7,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,3,1,16,17,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,9,6,7,17,2,14,0,0,1,1,10,6,1,0,7,44,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685209185128665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514541605615887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183945474245836,0.17349137754769234,0.1393383651070601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573049513842576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414476022542458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118362151699732,0.0,0.14266189282886713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5232739815122406,0.15653634390506851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765634683972866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889899893718286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802080794787325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604877519087585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059230169324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473761674399276,0.12877773762512915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173872175796486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600649229419966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460087881275846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427277413285083,0.1349284731985121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730979001716736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987106614705356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271152955687848
suicidewatch,Gmanfire,2019/02/14,"Money fixes nothing. 3 years ago I was homeless sleeping in park aides  and fishing Starbucks cups out of the garbage to get free refills in -40 degrees weather because I couldnt get government funding to stay at a shelter.   I wanted to hang myself, I went as far as to going into a hardware store to buy rope to hang myself with but I couldnt afford it so I had planned to shoplift it however i procrastinated too long and I noticed i was being followed by loss prevention so i didnt. I used to get upset wandering day and night the streets watching all the people around me with good jobs and nice cars and wishing for that lifestyle and how much easier that life would be. Fast forward to now. I make around $100k a year and I'm single with no expenses. Yet I still plan and stragitize ways to kill myself. I went as far as too actually going to a store and buying a rope. It hangs in my closet and sometimes I wrap it around my neck and stand there then usually change my mind after 5 minutes. Can anybody relate? ",3.021111111111111,5.0821097029703,4.20844884488449,84.8781078107811,75.73267326732673,6.469086908690867,28.05390539053905,7.3871296695380915,1.6655634763476348,808,34,153,10,18,264,130,202,0.08,0.841,0.08,-0.2382,4,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,3,12,6,1,1,8,0,10,3,2,3,1,31,23,20,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,19,0,1,0,0,8,10,4,3,0,0,6,1,22,4,31,12,3,38,0,1,1,0,0,13,0,0,14,103,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.1584776569069269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395660537224675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337076892120907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899671020610763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179623926799956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473369486950816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545397768787193,0.0,0.18458979147133747,0.13621228335053395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115560240946245,0.0,0.17967004576321274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147069697682324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371769558240338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840236046417814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639763426701989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193816941761491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240013260212631,0.0,0.15582588537135272,0.18489194032214007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258677657696604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625159331768885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061641817726574,0.0,0.0,0.1730953539391063,0.1296917723185223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026029248409574,0.17885917036246105,0.0,0.09578693185373796,0.12890448998074294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30109035261308464,0.0,0.0,0.18675043381767706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536334209296666,0.0,0.0,0.20915881334991274
suicidewatch,Quartervoi5,2019/02/14,"I give up. I have tried talking to people, but my soft stuttering voice and crippling anxiety prevents me from having any friends or social contact. People call me ""smart"" but what worth is knowledge if I can't even communicate like a normal human. Might as well rid myself early instead of live the rest of life as a depressed shell who will not be remembered.

",5.586268656716417,7.353532402985074,5.662865671641793,78.3295223880597,68.25373134328359,7.748059701492537,31.310447761194034,8.238735603445708,2.501002388059701,289,12,48,4,5,91,59,67,0.16,0.7,0.14,-0.3643,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,8,7,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,7,4,7,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,3,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782876596719541,0.0,0.2005627853871996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677094913688197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258105244928782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316379368067006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255537894261808,0.0,0.0,0.25150168315399424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518161245695486,0.1280852244539333,0.0,0.2315048988682825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781257279545785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568753585187177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635175939174278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969926161697372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672539003153049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072594312838908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799928522402464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357263737212636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,falsaricm,2019/02/14,talk me out of suicide i’m counting my medication and seeing how much is enough to kill me. i’m so close. i don’t wanna live anymore but i’m afraid of what comes after death ,0.4247368421052649,2.437888578947369,2.7097368421052606,92.55565789473684,84.26315789473685,4.852631578947369,20.026315789473685,5.985473137389443,-0.0797578947368418,138,4,31,1,4,47,31,38,0.267,0.733,0.0,-0.899,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,7,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,6,7,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337499494144449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898930703347912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34772817749880913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723235042018366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971644862852256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390212293159176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24739021201004574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681729426925462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36811208620856223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27049218803938124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pPandR,2019/02/14,"I want out I don't know anymore. My life is as messed up as it could possibly be. I tried everything I was able to think of to better my life. Nothing worked. 

I'm not sure if this is the right sub, if not, please point me to the right one. I don't want to die, I just don't want this shit anymore.",-0.7568230277185499,0.9415148955223884,1.3518123667377395,102.41850746268658,86.61194029850746,5.0226012793176995,17.03411513859275,6.18269132825596,-0.7062989339019188,226,5,61,2,7,75,42,67,0.154,0.701,0.145,-0.3875,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,0,8,3,1,0,1,13,14,4,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,9,2,9,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,37,12,1,0.20130302620119606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992770205097005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803616795805094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072408624533216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892075954774325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091817985557468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063087867123536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843725612873104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315568281268727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364081403171967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209702726046833,0.19029642664837992,0.2269389157063669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438233689495459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066346635933106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897257198711685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898685092978282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667154091293074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35620122130509324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465510005819415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,keepclosed1,2019/02/14,"I don’t know what to do I’ve been in love with the same girl for 5 years now.  She’s been the only thing I’ve ever cared about.  She told me she loved me 3 years ago, but I was dating someone.  By the time we broke up she had a new boyfriend.  She broke up with him right around the time I decided to got to college in San Diego (she goes to USC South Carolina). She flies out and visits me a lot.  I want to marry her, we’ve talked about it a lot and she’s down.  She’s coming to Coachella in a few months.  I kind of have a mentality that if she wants to marry me I’ll make her life perfect (I have insanely high paying job opportunities 300k+) lined up.  But if she doesn’t want to actually, like she was joking this whole time, I don’t want to live.  I’m 21, I’ve been in love with her since I was 14.  I’ve broken up with every girl I’ve been with for her.  I just want advice about what to do next month when she comes out and if she’s not interested.

Back story:  she came out twice already.  We sleep in the same bed and have had some drunk makeouts but nothing serious.  She has 2 more flights this semester to come visit me.

I don’t want to kill my self but I refuse to live without her.  

I’m sorry if this sounds minuscule but it’s 100% how I feel. ",0.08530462184873855,1.9490960808823559,2.080924369747901,97.44558823529414,84.51470588235293,5.356302521008403,17.067226890756302,6.5431188927421005,-0.4589699579831938,962,20,239,10,28,320,139,272,0.098,0.777,0.125,-0.1707,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,0,2,10,14,1,0,10,0,19,7,1,2,2,50,40,15,1,10,12,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,9,19,1,1,3,2,1,6,6,4,0,1,12,2,42,10,40,28,8,38,0,2,0,4,35,17,0,7,16,149,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.11663683183443843,0.0,0.0,0.11679611701545073,0.1059495874684746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318961788323698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640046847243703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190551398411452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670203147250798,0.1218612727382056,0.0,0.0,0.3088744511871523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811504893667713,0.10070295891627752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043422588325348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955931545837012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262822060110007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860775370025367,0.0,0.1322340658133098,0.12446441188890794,0.06568650394635732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442235835776386,0.058392712838582175,0.0,0.21108131930084625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032277078436706,0.3236214821410079,0.0,0.07978227426306604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045068487056605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080362349745286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543568728881726,0.1271136580302732,0.0,0.0,0.11468517355847235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090233533457268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207166097120733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468815536249185,0.0,0.0,0.09887034303653336,0.0,0.11960893376598793,0.0,0.10127112463919036,0.0,0.0,0.13379578310894416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606775127416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940551511478446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908379562885804,0.0,0.0,0.11420898158102605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229852137120884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334427323230623,0.0,0.11521553661302658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539372919534764
suicidewatch,pm_me_happy_pugs,2019/02/14,"Struggling Nothing got better. I was told to change my perspective, to coax myself into believing I’m ok with living a shitty life. Which is pretty dumb and unhelpful. And ironic coming from well-off therapists and psychiatrists.",6.028846153846152,9.3577348974359,6.366346153846155,66.78490384615384,71.8205128205128,9.028205128205126,27.698717948717945,9.516144504307137,3.5516102564102567,187,7,24,5,4,60,35,39,0.289,0.596,0.115,-0.8023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259293957886609,0.0,0.2558524210905145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060291756818149,0.24919667247107186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313706680016465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043332237812832,0.0,0.0,0.25544729673369626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775803908937298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29431069503643176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024274488932466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358865757408404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764278307925533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601053594558888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reters123,2019/02/14,"Every day i wake up feeling more hate for my life. Im addicted to xanax. It makes me forget the days so they go by faster. Every day, same dead end job ""welcome to ""     "" how may i help you"". As a manager i dont make enough to live outside ofnmy families house. My mother mentally disembodies me and my father is never home because he has a traveling job. I am on medical leave because im too depressed to function. I wrote my suicide note. I am seeing a psychiatrist the 24. But DOES THE DRUGS EVER STOP THE PAIN? THE DEPRESSSION? THE REGRET OR LOSS OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE? Im going to kill myself I give it about 2 months.",0.4872900000000016,2.8965743840000044,3.1272750000000014,86.55651250000004,89.16,6.005,22.2125,7.413659706084162,1.2069299999999998,478,18,95,9,16,166,92,125,0.262,0.655,0.084,-0.9795,2,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,2,1,1,5,8,2,0,9,0,6,8,1,3,2,15,16,6,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,2,17,2,12,14,3,14,0,3,1,1,11,2,0,2,9,57,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517967283095146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976394055376529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694029636861574,0.0,0.1199308231272384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185353543705553,0.0,0.1631931622387594,0.0,0.16147906180056912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332902897049874,0.1438764781661888,0.0,0.0,0.12595434836933142,0.23463848361373416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126703683027086,0.0,0.07040604999206437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335757221514967,0.15827137245737855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747481705209322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933324503312604,0.0,0.13967328320387454,0.0,0.0,0.16066910843961696,0.0,0.0,0.4512228826347918,0.0,0.27635676024371897,0.0,0.15405307360585674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474394997017791,0.0,0.0,0.09835229451713312,0.0,0.0,0.12295517731786175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567332455034966,0.0,0.18589316593869204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027387958145313,0.14032540032791962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111143389844853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739370911644328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481656434092305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095959726818187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798115653658425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641438391363405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231055163563156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madmouse2242355,2019/02/14,"Thinking about it more and more I've never had a detailed plan before, but now, having thought it over multiple times these couple of months, nonstop, I have many. When, where, how. I have it down to a T. But i still can't do it. Im that much of a failure. That much of loser. That much of a burden, its my only opinion and i still cant go through with any of them just because of the fear of it going extremely wrong that i end up with even more brain damage. I've wasted alot of time just doing nothing. No hobbies. No friends that care. My mum is just telling me to get over and how shes ""had to deal with this for over 2 years now."" Ive had it. Im fried. I cant do it anymore. No ones cares, or maybe its just i found it hard to talk about it, no one gives me the opportunity and i cant be blunt it out. I feel like im going to puke",-0.04797597597597658,1.5979738270270258,2.0680630630630645,98.54143393393394,83.70270270270271,4.75975975975976,18.926426426426424,5.46131890053228,-0.5668258258258256,638,16,161,3,18,214,105,185,0.191,0.682,0.127,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,15,10,0,1,7,0,17,1,1,2,1,24,28,10,0,0,7,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,19,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,5,0,2,5,2,16,5,26,22,7,21,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,3,12,116,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581948499755344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973880853818108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589371069023398,0.0,0.11989884233511705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729535408242012,0.0,0.0,0.28732183719444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590748726252462,0.0,0.0,0.14526573564511586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479903446568005,0.0,0.0,0.09306569821620984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585560630966327,0.07124524641845559,0.10066177557135783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449385548375905,0.10886200497262503,0.0,0.07361647307558225,0.13516786187094976,0.2402368035058931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262222196302183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566011793955921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883852906900076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285444064287708,0.1415569080896573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246815008328877,0.0,0.3107417412132401,0.0,0.10867377548740964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352010939380769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096026090858872,0.1071637666615555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505207591723755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325321888984485,0.1231562207292097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028553079769296,0.0,0.11186195887897443,0.16432439647097166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540562971096196,0.0,0.09073749301762994
suicidewatch,LegateLoke666,2019/02/14,"I really wanna do it but I’m scared Too many thoughts in my head, I really wanna kill myself, I think about it constantly and I’ve only attempted once and failed. The only thing that stops me besides the fact I don’t want everyone to be sad, is I don’t know what happens next. Will I go to hell? Will there be a black void of nothing? Will I be in pain? All I can think about is being in pain and the reason I wanna give up is to escape all my pain..I don’t wanna deal with this forever.",-0.2617295597484244,1.7619928584905722,2.43801886792453,93.31633647798745,87.39622641509433,5.79748427672956,16.38050314465409,7.1686216300943375,-0.007783647798741633,377,8,87,6,12,131,64,106,0.308,0.6629999999999999,0.029,-0.9903,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,2,1,4,0,15,3,1,1,3,19,24,4,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,1,13,0,15,16,2,8,1,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,3,61,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124859916354708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824548809655572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910851913180974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977187385938253,0.1005797574873315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649963195647265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162882774021105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579814773676396,0.0,0.09726159235062913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942627590151705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821639220796607,0.0,0.0,0.16981361359122632,0.0,0.0,0.18847407314641973,0.0,0.26919702988765,0.5649460512286127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267512067445457,0.18196119819544804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718423423033292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796018155745194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757524571246683,0.22679864183318274,0.0,0.14049948049482486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438525662239004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sourlemonsforme,2019/02/14,"tried to kill myself yesterday, probably will try again i (24f) have a long history of depression and anxiety and i was dealing with a breakup that happened 3 weeks ago. well, yesterday i found out that ex is seeing someone else and that sort of drove me over the edge. i was angry and i wanted to die. so i tried to. ive never cut myself properly before, only made a couple scratches, but this time i didnt even have to think twice.
needless to say, i didnt do it well enough and i ended up calling the emergency number myself after i realized that i failed.
im afraid of attempting it again because i just want to die. to not feel anything. i hated waking up to this reality and overall i just feel so hopeless and betrayed.
i dont know where to direct this anger and hatred. i think i might do it again.",2.3448148148148107,4.39831101234568,4.136814814814816,84.63966666666668,77.76543209876544,7.03604938271605,24.997530864197532,8.021203637495839,1.6032908641975316,632,23,123,11,15,213,97,162,0.266,0.6609999999999999,0.073,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,0,2,11,10,4,1,5,0,13,1,1,1,1,27,26,11,3,2,4,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,7,5,22,2,18,17,1,18,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,2,12,91,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382992918073827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935226282493068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838835849339972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951062639839442,0.0,0.13275862526904975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931038010314313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262938719853194,0.0,0.0,0.1608462516180136,0.13437685867734028,0.0,0.3238411731143768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285027924806668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033183970758222,0.0,0.13818438883888887,0.1612068413223487,0.0,0.1030474849820093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577733493878546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106413595898276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796495356322766,0.0,0.0,0.15403408048907735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852468767896606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726092389008419,0.0,0.08574263660806737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806977087184974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476266679397317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550894482804987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032961082460965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186576455915824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821226969025171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407065286765193,0.0,0.0,0.1243250211430814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219234876496924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993825990224007,0.0,0.0,0.09097452714630162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31777506627204244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840452517690156,0.0,0.12514709616119138,0.0,0.2805552989985917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paulgutu005,2019/02/14,"I attempted suicide last night As pretty much everyone here I've been struggling with depression for a while. I have isolated myself from the few people that cared about me and even changed countries, I just wanted to be alone and die. But when I finally went to do it I failed (no big surprise there). Now I'm completely empty, I don't jave the stremght to try agaim. I wouldn't even know were to start looking for help and I don't wamt to face anyone. I was thinking of quitting my job and not going outside for a while. ",3.097200854700855,5.045088249999999,3.7801282051282072,88.5426495726496,75.15384615384616,6.92991452991453,26.94017094017094,7.793537801064563,1.55910811965812,414,16,83,6,9,131,77,104,0.221,0.682,0.097,-0.9299,1,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,4,0,9,1,1,0,0,12,18,9,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,1,12,2,13,12,2,11,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,58,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660740470672116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462365215939487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323358408254384,0.0,0.2212438578370822,0.0,0.2192807667237169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013317142669205,0.0,0.2170557420593652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762718292429302,0.0,0.0,0.19984355923524075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229104168312677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188598707296277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018306417656687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754055700548646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493863758032648,0.17047814532793634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562609270561882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374298463806824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626502544784094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499230540472852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127719797548781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244761035447452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480313512000715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863998868701606,0.0,0.2287667339593537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340093569689837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199327436617834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335700958295752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938761624046053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slycapacity,2019/02/14,im going to off myself tomorrow :). wish me happinesss tho i work tomorrow in traffic. i plan on jumping in front of a very fast car. dont feel sad please as ive been thinking about this since a young kid. ill finally be happy. happy life world <3,-0.6801960784313721,1.3444033333333325,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,103.90196078431372,5.403921568627451,19.392156862745093,6.937597516519254,0.8056039215686268,194,7,40,4,9,66,44,51,0.084,0.691,0.224,0.8356,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,8,6,0,14,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111933630092042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425743562202344,0.0,0.0,0.29086969662937945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090399618286235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653126734725593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868126016791289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754818443728347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29146675230560826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196450524707232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013772073264222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908596156583726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053406857155104,0.0,0.0,0.19330538756755145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YaneliMyers,2019/02/14,"“Permanent solution” to Valentines Day We’ve all heard it before: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”

But I mean, yeah, that’s the point. A problem cannot be temporary if the solution isn’t permanent i.e. a permanent solution is what makes the problem temporary.

A non-permanent solution leads to a recurring problem. 

Suicide is a better solution than a lot of people would like to admit.

In other words, Happy Valentine’s Day. ",3.823875000000001,7.033613637500004,5.82,67.58500000000001,81.375,10.7,36.75,10.125756701596842,5.734975000000001,361,23,51,15,10,124,48,80,0.209,0.507,0.284,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,11,1,7,0,0,2,1,14,11,2,2,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,7,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,34,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020747077105504,0.0,0.0,0.1665132233294733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428425572589901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042137886447345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919812603604618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006398571772898,0.0,0.0,0.12567448546922197,0.0,0.0,0.2050857901072713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052561915037014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177979967512941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7206119009634182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118828169219365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374458450408375,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Melon64144052203,2019/02/14,"I wqs going to end it all, but some judgment told me not to Btw, not Valentine's Day related. I (15M) don't know what to say. I've been having a shitload of suicidal thoughts recently, and it all kinda climaxed this (Feb 13th) night when I realized what a cluster fuck of a person I am. I have no skills, no talent, no ambitions, and no goals. I really don't have any motivation to live anymore, and I just want to sleep, just sleep forever. My school has been going over suicide in the standard class meetings, and help support and that kinda thing, but I don't want help, I just want it to end. The monotony, the pointlessness, the endless rat race of work, fulfill pointless pleasurable activities, sleep that is life. I was going to do the deed tonight, and I had the plastic bag and the rubber band in my hand in the garage, but I thought, “Well wtf, there was that subreddit that helps people like this, right? I don't give a shit anymore and I'd rather just die anyway, but might as well.” I don't know why I'm even sending this. I'm not religious, but who knows, guardian angel or something? Regardless,  people like to stress how important it is to get help. I don't understand why they would care so much, but here I am. Please, convince me on why I shouldn't end it now. Thanks for your time.

",3.8161015911872727,5.061099259689925,4.478657690738476,87.13841493268058,71.90697674418605,7.9121991024071825,28.30762953896369,8.371475516178862,1.8314077519379843,1011,38,211,16,19,323,147,258,0.14800000000000002,0.623,0.229,0.9638,0,0,1,0,0,3,45.0,0,1,1,4,15,13,2,1,12,0,23,7,5,2,2,45,44,19,3,7,15,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,16,8,0,0,8,1,0,4,14,3,2,0,8,2,23,10,19,33,4,20,1,0,0,1,14,6,2,5,12,134,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572436052260734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086597349203047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353255752880112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181394913498526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556759986162456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29587908176485456,0.0,0.0,0.07354809394135638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029447367229712,0.05817773230278313,0.10682065243459754,0.1898546868619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985522541707837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359130724434566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865243847863511,0.10880362367216014,0.0,0.09832739100904388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118128719245049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185781017175145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044979400802219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439732278029494,0.09722978916478917,0.0,0.1222329657472662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713360561268437,0.0,0.10994838275067056,0.0,0.0,0.09509548407695813,0.0,0.08855296210352546,0.0,0.11269592804632847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143030121630202,0.0,0.0,0.33430246989751433,0.0,0.0,0.08572554799049159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275553309912655,0.0,0.0,0.24360583250209014,0.12636290261502442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251956137495233,0.0,0.0,0.07397847577253279,0.0,0.0,0.1768048597450262,0.06493126028252727,0.0,0.0,0.10640326889995158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159231686650089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703795976580185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024076754610967,0.0,0.3014382865340873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106684769497083,0.0,0.0,0.07910250078953522,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orgdotcom,2019/02/14,Help I feel like not safe and im at my freinds house and they have a shit ton of pills I could take and I just need someone to tell me im being dumb,-1.8841666666666648,-0.30542219444444285,0.3755555555555557,108.40000000000002,90.38888888888887,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.7379777777777776,115,2,34,0,4,38,29,36,0.236,0.633,0.132,-0.6256,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,6,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330158492923744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756646504403426,0.2084953471684996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956186971266583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33675191800822835,0.0,0.0,0.6304890535676063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258156023321733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164006366903687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29957645275981604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472807693923025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194324043392174,0.0,0.2550868872633236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NewbEssence,2019/02/14,What do I tell them I want to tell my friends and family but I’m afraid they will try to stop me. I want to die. I want this life to end but I feel so selfish telling them that my life is good when I plan on dying next week. I don’t know what to do. ,-1.4253672316384185,0.025774966101694836,0.8450000000000024,106.51857344632772,87.47457627118642,4.611299435028251,14.918079096045195,5.46131890053228,-1.3471378531073444,189,3,56,1,6,63,38,59,0.208,0.64,0.152,-0.8265,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,11,5,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,13,2,6,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,33,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349295050400669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855862466899332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197531407510446,0.0,0.10594743728515536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188659629066493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757484238595478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515522298211905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960022201608973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284336591429568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518104822199104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494297498255832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226084035641332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707683746035017,0.0,0.16807672744986185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ashfactz,2019/02/14,I think it’s time to give up I’ve been struggling with depression and suicide thoughts for the past 5 years. Past 2 months I was actually happy for once. But with in the past week everything fell apart. It just feels like every thing is against me being happy. I don’t see myself ever having a future. Maybe it’s time to finally throw in the towel?,3.0414761904761893,4.930553814285716,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,75.14285714285714,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,1.0943809523809525,277,8,55,4,6,90,54,70,0.147,0.721,0.132,-0.2732,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,2,5,3,10,7,0,17,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,12,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.17968601591618905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859239696763527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655769964320427,0.15513893162258233,0.0,0.16548573410698125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310253976509797,0.13154375111446026,0.0,0.2017073197579866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663594228994692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920233201077104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995746680942461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498508078747591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469721973299813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609429259770386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273237393743911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672915634586162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924944728626061,0.0,0.20141023664725846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232894556842322,0.11798418342094075,0.0,0.1461800330307179,0.2147373954882028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476993743498583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857480290321268
suicidewatch,whatchutalkinboutbob,2019/02/14,"At the end of my road, I have it all and want nothing I’m confident I have the courage to carry this deed out and I’m ready. I first had a suicidal thought at 11, and wasn’t able to pin point what this was at the time. Years flash by I’m on track to go to college, an amazing family and perfect girlfriend. I am however a servant for everyone in my life and receive no support from anyone even my own girlfriend the way I provide for others. Nobody understands my inner monologue. I dabble I’m self harm by hitting walls until my hands bleed and I also have cut before, but was never brace enough to carry out the deed. I’m religious and fear repercussions for these actions but, not afraid enough to stop myself. I’m at the end of my road I’m having panicked attacks so often, my anger is snapping, I feel lucid like this is all a dream. I think my time to go is now. And I think I need to do this ",2.145514705882356,3.803573668449203,3.733900401069522,89.10908589572195,77.02139037433155,6.3862299465240655,25.056483957219246,7.1686216300943375,1.0528933155080216,704,25,148,8,16,234,108,187,0.156,0.755,0.08900000000000001,-0.9433,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,3,2,10,0,13,3,1,0,4,26,31,13,1,2,3,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,5,1,0,4,4,6,0,1,5,2,20,5,25,25,5,28,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,1,11,100,28,1,0.1784359047125912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269512853154245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247665334164778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299660145415765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151835812485036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31608249798579746,0.368743976984092,0.0,0.1178552321935694,0.0,0.0,0.17050315365558644,0.0,0.0,0.1682134905741887,0.20079000093610336,0.09022255482173623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177748939450592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281847341040668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603455647512898,0.08717476989688315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230796239124742,0.1376207699389471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712140630146939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867960553478842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861475640400469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918040617063924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517991843632088,0.2024869501067107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286690456275633,0.0,0.1416581768578274,0.208094821962893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575806968597253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524611971436358,0.1416341156531451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490687238397075
suicidewatch,Sum_Gay_Punk,2019/02/14,"Kind of done, just in general I’m definitely wanting to end it, nothing in my future anyway, just want to wait until it gets worse for me. 
After all, I wish that I could fly, oh I might just try.",2.520162601626016,3.402512073170733,4.705853658536586,85.66577235772358,74.60975609756099,7.417886178861789,23.422764227642283,7.793537801064563,0.9873837398373979,149,4,33,2,3,52,33,41,0.07200000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.157,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140246750553197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222269620251442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788862356715446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450945431882089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32789438204345644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340331493370111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021315373832823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377979757711613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714434596438105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620912888886599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32088503814026764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesmellycat,2019/02/14,"A plan to stay alive I am relieved at the thought of ending my mental pain but every time I accept death as the answer it always alleviates my crazy brain feelings sort of.... so I was thinking... what if instead of giving myself a time limit or age limit before I try again, I create a bucket list with everything I want to do on it. If I reach the end and still want to go then I will do it happily. But maybe by doing things on my bucket list I'll find some sort of meaning to my life and won't want to end mine anymore. It would probably be fun too. 

I'm definitely not the only person to think this way but I hope it gives you the idea to try it too if you have been thinking heavily about following through lately. 

",5.616124161073824,4.748848154362417,6.720729865771812,80.05143036912754,67.45637583892618,9.329194630872484,29.363255033557053,8.472884824447931,1.973193959731544,561,16,117,7,8,190,97,149,0.065,0.721,0.214,0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,3,7,5,0,0,8,0,11,3,1,0,0,31,26,12,1,8,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,10,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,1,17,4,19,19,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,8,10,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807539434324086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264921614142832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097624410987807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182780327491684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089874885655969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129685883006204,0.0,0.13833512534947628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782756367647582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068187543058816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29531192340853074,0.08747739235107088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287922854920571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375914815841215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363066601927515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871962658212526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463528911788493,0.16766612929645147,0.0,0.0,0.1551171246033413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706458034655222,0.16378380903910422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439871128122827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595389755337694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640603206708739,0.12292226955112805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225890533946147,0.2958809148873256,0.0,0.12219683649481332,0.17950625582551294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900580316460424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723614654879488,0.12217608087618513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934173833512628,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aybsbakshxgzn,2019/02/14,"I was born without my consent I want to die but when I think of death I don't want to die anymore. But I don't want to live neither. I just want to dissapear without feeling any pain. If God exist why did he made me like that? And the thing is that I'll die one day. Everyone will. When I get motivated I remember this. Then I want to kill myself again. I know I will do this. Maybe not now because I'm still a fearful child, but I will. ",-0.02147368421052676,1.8808500631578973,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,85.21052631578947,5.484210526315789,22.13157894736842,6.742157984588678,0.3783473684210525,336,12,81,4,10,115,61,95,0.342,0.539,0.119,-0.9727,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,2,0,9,1,0,2,0,20,20,8,5,6,8,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,1,15,1,8,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228748170986882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375499104686805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006558161773534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648894813183236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514106477736768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157779544495547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580626931366348,0.08348979650988203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626855356434608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268117254873048,0.0,0.09074581113227452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806694491623187,0.0,0.14580427016231967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624084186006293,0.0,0.0,0.1658855579157916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188980406559493,0.0,0.17569966528993866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870491374304097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318653030694647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969860541446574,0.10580243557320934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869612224885677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148995408488771,0.0,0.0,0.3183401976615373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CountryCounty,2019/02/14,"Never thought I’d make a post here, but I’ve gotten terribly curious I read post here all the time. I used to, that is. Granted I’ve rarely had the guts to reply since I always think I’ll end up letting someone die. Anyways, I should really get to the gist of it. I’ve seen so many pos- correction, all the posts I’ve seen are of people who are suicidal because awful things happen in their life, and I was wondering if there was anyone like me.

Nothing awful has happened in my life. I wouldn’t trade out any life for mine. It’s definitely the best life possible, except there’s a problem. I’m terrible. I want to commit suicide to get rid of myself from this world. I know what person I’ll brcome, and I want to stop myself before I do anything too bad. Every day I delay my death, I feel infinitely selfish for not getting rid of this problem. 

I wouldn’t be posting this if I didn’t want to get my feelings out, since I doubt anyone else comes close to a life as fantastic as mine, but if there is, could you comment? Please don’t comment if you’re worried about me or something like people normally do on this subreddit, since I’ve already made up my mind, but I’m just intrigued at the idea that other people might have this issue.",4.728331673306774,5.176638613545818,5.712985557768924,82.04445841633469,69.2390438247012,8.346713147410359,29.23331673306773,8.278499904357787,1.9796233067729088,976,34,194,13,16,323,146,251,0.233,0.643,0.124,-0.9904,0,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,1,1,1,10,10,0,1,9,2,20,6,1,3,5,47,44,13,4,14,11,0,2,2,0,4,5,0,0,1,13,6,0,2,7,1,1,1,6,7,0,1,9,4,27,3,27,28,3,22,0,0,2,0,6,10,0,8,9,121,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133185624512996,0.0,0.0854444920782586,0.0,0.0,0.0698312386608203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436034221859705,0.10521580629157293,0.08450332598263416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857400401143266,0.0625975417299136,0.0,0.08737977118613614,0.0,0.1077645313621069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845646400655302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819878681871502,0.0,0.0,0.06622514850718338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657374445553673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857824966840154,0.0,0.09095092882867573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651891692395451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384409405296127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460058988378386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161299952646032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159220491529952,0.0,0.10717940455606824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643454014777004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500525287986516,0.3626572192060514,0.10033616341394336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716569781739637,0.06854491698410882,0.10410933160980199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893554900123996,0.10368542481508758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919917699857677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061226054461538,0.0985317324366218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357241357839432,0.08966304324327162,0.0,0.11272038937547595,0.0,0.11576508749950212,0.3933861826649927,0.0,0.0,0.19651675017756545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271560840800537,0.0,0.06578444672409063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548332766229582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700705633424337,0.07905410042078098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585161526323043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464761552582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822122447495807,0.06579820846369105,0.0,0.08152265844200668,0.05987809341728704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886893058723217,0.0,0.0,0.18170380969462235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136056001490363,0.0,0.10428446541523108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheP0nyL0rd,2019/02/14,"Intervened to stop your suicide, knowing that our 13 year relationship probably ends here. Basically, I stopped my best friend's suicide. I'm a mental health advocate (some of you here may vilify me for that, but to each their own) after my own attempts and psychotic episodes, which after interventions, I've healed from. 

After months of threats from him, he finally set a date, time, letters, and possessions out. The thing is, I'm on the LITERAL other side of the globe from him, and always have been, but he has been a constant in my world for the past 13 years. My belief is that the crushing, brutal, soul-ripping pain and suffering depression causes impairs logic and cognition (wouldn't it do the same for physical pain as well? Why not mental anguish?), but it doesn't have to be this way. There is a way out. 

The depresson had set foot for years now, and years of convincing him to seek professional help have fallen flat. It had finally come to him carrying it out. I have limited information about the new place he has moved to within the country, and I live continents away. As such, it took me 8 hours of continuously trying every personal and professional avenue, but I finally had access to someone who could contact EMS, 12 time zones away. 

Well, it worked. And someone intervened (how, or who, I don't know, all I know is EMS were involved), and he's mad. Very. I know the friendship organically ends with this event. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I cannot stand by and let someone I love carry out a form of euthanasia without having the proper cognitive ability and counseling, nor properly sought prior avenues of help, to kill themselves. I'm grieving the loss of this friendship. Depression sucks ass.

TL;DR: took 8h from across the globe to intervene on my friend's planned suicide, he's fuming, the relationship probably ends here, and I'm grieving despite feeling I did the right thing. ",6.520489895897121,7.540788492957747,6.750128597672994,74.15855480710349,65.47887323943662,10.455603184323332,34.30802204531537,10.472087959537523,3.756202694427434,1525,67,268,38,23,491,192,355,0.223,0.684,0.093,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,0,3,61.0,1,2,1,6,10,22,6,1,20,0,30,7,2,2,1,48,45,23,6,3,8,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,20,20,0,3,8,0,0,5,8,15,2,0,10,1,26,7,46,29,8,53,1,6,0,2,27,15,2,3,27,180,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656268693021108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289961372796364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656259726257192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452331434524057,0.0,0.07926156965722618,0.0,0.09943401404559564,0.0,0.07346537303234123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850235909846355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24449021770334775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752542719690625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652484126915009,0.0,0.0,0.3023892062958747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421789594731701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780615491160524,0.0,0.0,0.12334955411962903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906148620699158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179941634767213,0.0,0.2022730745676032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409014094092102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124969528298333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830458671823007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545613557420867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344437830598195,0.09779589582887946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888673090358172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581791740718055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783739352957061,0.0,0.0803427270976937,0.096134628750343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841244867341012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975763442833181,0.0,0.07857911233839185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338884761139425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385498074776788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019438346248576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225949559599325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730774117275582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044609922398136,0.06247119501894165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592085711249545,0.0,0.21910834032838186,0.0,0.0,0.16546255503571414,0.0,0.08302796293139561,0.0,0.10581109992240342,0.08869782766831788,0.0,0.066986997266739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370149685502265
suicidewatch,dudeguybudpal,2019/02/14,"20 year old male just weird to think of myself having suicidal thoughts I'm 20 and I started having thoughts of killing myself when I was like 18. It really like freaked me out when I noticed what I was doing. I was mad for some reason I can't remember and I just thought about taking a handgun and shooting myself in my truck. I had the same thought for the next two years pretty frequently. After getting a good job and a nice truck I get mad and quit my job. The thought of killing my self came back. I got a job in another factory and hated my job, hated the people I worked with, hated everything in my life including myself, and I hated that I quit a really good job. I was depressed and still am tbh but at that job I had the same thought everyday, I thought about taking a gun in front of everyone in that plant and blowing my brains out. I guess as a last fuck you to those people to scar them for life. Now the thought of just dieing randomly is very pleasing to me and sometimes I wish for this. I guess I'm lonely and depressed. Idk sorry for rambling y'all just feels better to get it off my chest I guess. ",3.4548297213622305,4.687288631578949,4.338833849329209,87.84311145510837,72.77192982456141,7.46996904024768,27.4468524251806,7.928766900206844,1.5672716202270385,880,32,184,12,17,284,115,228,0.194,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.9625,6,2,0,3,0,1,16.0,0,2,1,4,11,20,9,0,13,0,12,5,2,1,0,40,41,15,4,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,15,0,0,12,0,0,2,1,14,0,1,16,1,36,6,29,25,3,25,0,3,0,1,5,9,1,5,16,123,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334193168372664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111537656319479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029378811227817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872620163153876,0.0,0.09090418809735493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691237926930902,0.0,0.08248791114941079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594674806377598,0.07143168911287336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040187583008334055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734781747329832,0.12457539013042332,0.0,0.0,0.1333284608561091,0.06356758573001821,0.0,0.2626692406802612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31388101576266497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473231075033773,0.0,0.17586615593183166,0.0,0.0,0.0647869803917975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227844767354243,0.07766003320090853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452810653110633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904887474957444,0.083401111877205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020314221682616,0.0,0.0,0.08724540468229926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085994866841324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907397652074174,0.0,0.0,0.10183411728868877,0.08171889475278978,0.0,0.0,0.09003558580038151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291519450362872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786079614005387,0.08897158954667306,0.05625650272720748,0.0,0.06347299951073661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693845113583286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951845511064005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092771020922296,0.0,0.5047872787492099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764061763331317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557949826462711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913983206677665,0.0,0.0,0.05786254052028704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102365300589922
suicidewatch,LostHTX,2019/02/14,"Yeah, but what if you deserve it? Like really deserve it. Like you beat your wife and threatened to burn the house down kind of deserve it. 

See, there’s been past attempts. Once in my early 20’s (I’m 34 now) and again about 3 years ago after I was married and had children. The idea behind that attempt was “I’m such a terrible person. My wife and children are better off with out me. 

Fast forward to 2017 and I’m being arrested for domestic violence (for the 2nd time). I was in county jail several months before receiving a 3 year sentence. I was on suicide watch at first because I instructed the arresting officer to “just fuckin’ do it” when he drew his pistol. 

So now it’s as if it’s not even an opinion anymore. Now it’s an irrefutable fact that they were better off without me. Now I feel like the sickness in my head will forever have the upper hand because of the things I’ve done to someone I love so deeply. Even though I did my time, remained sober, and started taking medication, I can never erase what I’ve done. I will always be haunted by my actions. 

I feel so lost and am more alone than ever. 

Thanks for reading.  ",1.825366666666664,4.222898742222224,3.2751388888888897,88.279375,81.57777777777778,5.883333333333333,25.375,7.1686216300943375,1.2854333333333332,887,36,173,12,24,290,144,225,0.14,0.7240000000000001,0.136,-0.5895,0,1,0,1,1,1,26.0,0,3,1,7,17,11,1,0,11,1,19,6,2,0,3,22,30,16,1,2,6,2,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,3,12,9,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,11,5,22,8,26,15,1,33,0,1,2,2,13,11,1,3,24,120,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331224870364195,0.0,0.0,0.1555376576802002,0.0,0.0,0.12495895434434505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893482490006066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309251231623508,0.0,0.12778921815425034,0.0,0.0,0.26563798203924843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073655861651032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838044438808725,0.13584332458866036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186759370994815,0.10728618682012796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277401318285858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412450860521454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328362324684868,0.0,0.16953109200233504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638581002598856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201060903664726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393548952195114,0.0,0.13554023691956976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128711634011166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986952239478706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158254452915528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993316848393735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433605492162633,0.0,0.1311284069281972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502172312025891,0.0,0.09620696986804743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967129982468165,0.0,0.0,0.1696568020839148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272441384536364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629576426562387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426881621782025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129141069383249,0.0,0.0,0.13826242839312225,0.0,0.0,0.09977065422395737,0.0,0.14754773844851676,0.0,0.1751383561319355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144764874933803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934176021081323
suicidewatch,Ko_coconut,2019/02/15,"Failure at life I failed my university exam, third year. Im a laughing stock, I’m a stupid piece of shit that doesn’t deserve the opportunities that I have been given. I’m a waste of space the  only reason why I’m writing this is coz I’m drunk otherwise I’ll keep it in, Fuck me I don’t deserve to live, I’ve been given so much and i threw it away coz I can’t concentrate on god damn anything. I’m an idiot, a retard, a pathetic piece of shit  I’m sorry for being a bitch but that’s just how I feel. I’m a stupid fucking cunt that doesn’t deserve to live.  
Not that’s anyone cares I’ve just finally given up 
I’ve realise that there is nothing more for me, I can’t improve. 
I don’t know what to do. 
All I know is that I’m a failure 
A god damn failure
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suicidewatch,Waffles9045,2019/02/15,"I think i've reached my limit Currently considered killing myself
Ive been non stop crying for days i lost my job cause i couldn't get out of bed i have support around me but lately i feel like nothing real all i see are strangers and all i feel is hurt scared and lonley but most importantly bored im recovering from drug abuse and i just lost complete intrest in everything i can't even do drugs anymore they just make me feel scared everything feels like a nightmare and i cant wake up
I wana wake up
I cant wake up
There is no getting better
I have no motivation and no outcome even the best would be enough to make me feel good its just a distant feeling
The only reason im holding on is my fear that death is much much worse than this...",1.2971390374331548,3.650673824675328,2.578006111535526,92.71432009167307,83.48051948051949,5.441711229946525,22.695187165775398,6.794906146795322,0.5911288006111537,595,21,127,7,17,191,99,154,0.285,0.551,0.16399999999999998,-0.9751,2,0,2,0,1,1,3.0,0,0,1,6,7,14,1,3,4,0,16,5,3,5,2,33,31,7,2,2,5,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,7,0,3,9,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,7,22,6,12,25,7,11,0,3,1,0,1,7,0,1,6,79,25,2,0.0,0.14588036848166866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122104719848955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096053832808015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292097680638221,0.10889209894297514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126481017178545,0.0,0.0,0.12909189884083155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524459926013782,0.07940401141682321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855666862312797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721875095883425,0.0,0.16264287819704365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130964249981014,0.0,0.0,0.13854736466768774,0.3735274808265596,0.17591788615087076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865314818690546,0.0,0.0,0.10326955155886736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180548913270282,0.0,0.26598747418386964,0.0,0.12218036716406805,0.0,0.1362171207921053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388878657053069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030314834819608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26880613093427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437083172961126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810188291195757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181396340163472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364042704423607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014068572468613,0.0,0.1265907303034797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465347758964335,0.0,0.0981129198551003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029361623519022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397182787294765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889210992846209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547263783032814,0.08746289476415396,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quiet-rollingthunder,2019/02/15,"Logical thoughts about the illogical Mods please let me know if this is not allowed.

So hi.

I, like many of you, have thought about... Well... It.

How to do it. How to make it quick. Painless. Easy.

I've tried. Twice. Obviously failed.

After the last attempt, I was encouraged (mandated) to go see someone.

Now, I won't get into the meat of my personal demons in this post, but suffice to say, there were many.

But the therapist I was assigned at the time had some words of wisdom that helped, and I'd like to pass them on. They helped me. Maybe they can help you.

Her words. Paraphrased

Taking ones life is, in of itself, illogical.

Like, once you do it, you're dead. Kaput. Done.

Say you're in pain. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Whichever. And you decide to end it so you are no longer in pain. Well....

It doesn't work like that.

Once you do the thing you do, that's it. There is no magical interim period of blissful relief. No soft fluffy clouds and rainbows of release from your ills. One second you're suffering, then... Nothing. You don't get to enjoy no longer feeling the pain, cause you're dead.

Choosing to end your life to end the pain accomplishes nothing. It does not end the pain. It does not end the suffering. You will find no relief choosing that way out. You will have no satisfaction from what you have done because you are no longer.

But I'm in pain and it's because of ( boyfriend girlfriend bully husband wife parents siblings job life) and I'll show them. I'll do this and they'll be ( sorry sad mad disappointed crushed hurt)

OK. Well... So you do it. Then you're dead. And maybe the person who hurt you does feel something because of it. But again.. YOU'RE DEAD. You will never know what they will feel cause again, you're dead. And so what if your actions caused them to feel? You gonna walk around the afterlife being a smug ghost?



I still to this day battle with my own demons and depression. Everyday I fight to do even little things. But I know I'm winning. Cuz I'm fighting. Somedays its harder than others. But I know, that someday, eventually, it won't be as hard. Someday, eventually, I won't just be trying to keep my head above water.

Someday... I'll swim. ",0.8772131147540989,3.4518764066193874,1.927192186955004,93.5965573770492,92.26241134751774,4.948711390148432,20.409603534472733,6.636973602784848,0.4095424485524939,1692,57,346,23,61,531,204,423,0.257,0.624,0.118,-0.998,3,0,1,0,3,0,101.0,0,19,7,5,21,33,4,0,13,1,37,12,1,8,2,54,58,27,6,2,12,3,6,4,1,9,10,2,0,2,31,13,1,1,15,2,0,5,16,19,3,4,8,9,41,14,39,36,2,37,2,8,1,0,43,11,0,3,23,215,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678279927958414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933977843425813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348138366530323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049138231655493636,0.0,0.06562498595589594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003122658257297,0.15594394379379434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570695681689178,0.337422256560211,0.0,0.0,0.05032480905787914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410203720647886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963909243003366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961547642260959,0.0,0.043302281781708515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825403154441742,0.0,0.07819607916114374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321184118915393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313253053349375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560987257866979,0.06772390809286134,0.0,0.0,0.16749489096889442,0.06210752747161832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791258392564918,0.16145227168755508,0.14889635591298145,0.07636548023876283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085947084295896,0.15449564310410435,0.1530923746767732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767847012607029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876479847921185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462186254927814,0.0,0.0,0.16228628161010572,0.1032608023370921,0.0,0.4864488384722186,0.0,0.08460339565901134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305771264058466,0.0,0.08363711868201826,0.0,0.0,0.07297190647962838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118358669968655,0.0,0.0,0.060716017972051235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455814726260509,0.05865715347352729,0.0,0.08529191217967541,0.0,0.0,0.06084789006956395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572877118925677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846603549366946,0.10123859010171356,0.0,0.0,0.12097758528274175,0.04442879618622207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034601962793328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047851837939031,0.0,0.0,0.20552018112929127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546946783456423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDekuDude888,2019/02/15,"The woman of my dreams just said ""No"" So, I know this is probably not as bad as I think it is, but I just asked out my best friend, who I love more than anything and anyone on Earth and she just declined me. I just wanna give up really bad rn ",1.5466981132075477,2.3792613584905697,3.38127358490566,94.42021226415095,76.9245283018868,6.809433962264151,18.910377358490567,7.1686216300943375,-0.03337358490566045,184,3,46,2,4,62,41,53,0.0,0.642,0.358,0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,9,3,8,7,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,0,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662107694085274,0.0,0.24317203523192366,0.0,0.2762534209562232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934617617240832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101099289573918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22830323681936926,0.0,0.0,0.28347135795313755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623995484855963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667010695878452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185999139763328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893054221296641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810889935306659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893450237688665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whycantijustdie2019,2019/02/15,"I wanna die I wanna die but I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with it myself. I can't talk to my family about it, they'll only worry. I can't talk to my friends about it because they all have varying degrees of mental illness and I don't want to trigger them.

I'm a cutter but I'm only brave enough to scratch b the surface. Never any deeper. I don't have the courage to take my own life.",-0.30977528089887585,1.6854911123595535,2.597853932584272,92.28914044943821,87.31460674157304,4.458876404494381,21.259550561797763,5.6839178017228535,0.0790350561797748,315,11,70,2,10,111,54,89,0.227,0.679,0.094,-0.884,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,1,2,10,13,3,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,13,3,14,12,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.227107968342366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826233191877592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186821136995476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830677399486594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404691897356272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193942914637588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980429309091905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226411008340727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438195369125122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234534065236191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710811135827049,0.0,0.17949339977661224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539987218568413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498173122566882,0.37411427371524797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372684068633542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363455524493991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alysae14,2019/02/15,"All I think about is dying About a month ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. We’ve been together for a year and a half and have been through a lot ( people say that all the time but I believe we actually have been through some pretty fucked up things ) we still talked everyday. About two weeks ago my dad told us that he had been having an affair and got the girl pregnant. He left us for the girl and her kid. A few days ago I find out my ex has a new girlfriend. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t get out of bed, I quit my job, I don’t go to school, I just sleep all day. All I think about is dying and killing myself. I cry all day and just wonder why is this happening to me. I’ve been depressed for about 3 years and nothing seems to change even after I do things to change. I hope I die. ",0.9526356589147298,2.403499534883725,2.259906976744187,99.28354263565892,79.81395348837209,5.5168992248062025,19.024806201550387,6.079149491110277,-0.4552733333333334,608,13,154,4,15,195,97,172,0.16,0.7929999999999999,0.047,-0.9716,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,4,0,0,1,9,5,2,0,10,0,18,2,1,0,5,29,30,8,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,6,12,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,8,1,25,1,22,22,8,21,0,2,0,1,17,5,1,5,15,103,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.12169371323680085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33162934500606783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049939465092595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638418902030973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698216148404865,0.2412724761036665,0.0,0.1074079002737656,0.0,0.3882710993035773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823662206376343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397775688527355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152874050708682,0.06515301319527148,0.0,0.07087250527355557,0.0,0.09973767083988387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027587725633206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385981840984825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375008596725293,0.0,0.13796717753842316,0.0,0.06853439388788149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549192668871018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601940232398234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953803218609747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044049212652365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965743928425752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645447674090524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686942333585768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263870590772528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917011337575576,0.0,0.12620772581581965,0.0,0.11352639591603125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479467298064854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958926487013753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002328440424089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569640710947148,0.1598113610622103,0.0,0.0,0.07271626257200693,0.0,0.0,0.11916060162982542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218182864173164,0.0,0.3000085894504508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003051832241752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252651649089168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523683303970438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606113640846068
suicidewatch,CRSeattle,2019/02/15,"The choice What came to me this morning as I rounded the corner for work, is that I truly do have a choice in this...I can go ahead & drink myself to death, or choose whatever other exit, or I can choose to pay attention to the daily grace all around me. That much came through later in some joking with my colleagues & a pretty incredible vegetarian burrito. You know how they always don't get rolled right?, & you end up with half of the thing falling apart in your hands? Not true today. Can I choose to let that be good enough, I wonder. Can those little moments overcome these huge, ugly feelings. I hope so. I want to believe so.",4.392124444444448,5.635354648000003,4.930666666666667,84.44977777777778,70.52000000000002,7.1555555555555586,25.08888888888889,7.3871296695380915,1.1101822222222215,501,14,98,5,9,160,89,125,0.093,0.7509999999999999,0.156,0.8161,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,2,4,5,0,0,6,0,10,2,1,1,2,21,19,6,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,7,2,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,3,15,5,18,15,4,20,0,0,1,0,4,11,0,5,5,69,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719234261345876,0.5750029599151247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574756927885523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930216305922874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046457204709073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732915588386584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667809535225896,0.1827817242480813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944435795948164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092421298268978,0.0,0.10053455132344324,0.14837267740793803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756984774670227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721787755558807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808890050390828,0.0,0.0,0.17729710713873553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003953213843136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996768284828185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510689356568295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752240082638175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767752125302227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433834005452117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183707813872225,0.1287830070713205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Robn8r,2019/02/15,"The one thing that I crave the most is the thing I don't ever think I can have So, I'm mentally broken. Scarring from past relationships mixed with a soup of mental illness has left me pretty numb to just about anything. I've tried dating people to see if I could feel anything, and it just comes up blank. I've recently met someone who, despite how much I hate it, has actually made me feel something. And it was amazing for a whopping 5 seconds. Then the brain kicked in, all the paranoia, all the sadness, all the insecurity, all at once. I try to keep a leash on it, but sometimes it goes haywire. But they're just like me, going through a point of their life that is extremely reminiscient of the scars I've experienced, and as a result they're not emotionally available. I understand it, I don't blame them at all. But to think that for the first time in years I've actually felt something, I feel like I'm trying to cling to it, an idea that probably will never come to full fruition. I don't want a life like this, with the idea that this could continue to happen, over and over, with the rollercoaster of feeling/numbness. Old thoughts are coming back, and I may take the out this time.",6.488546644844519,6.131898136170214,6.574042553191493,80.12692307692309,65.51063829787232,9.613747954173489,32.97054009819967,9.057496981413335,2.5741849427168577,942,35,191,14,13,301,136,235,0.056,0.86,0.085,0.8551,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,1,8,8,1,1,19,0,15,5,1,3,7,46,37,13,0,4,8,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,18,12,0,1,10,0,0,4,5,4,0,3,5,6,16,4,30,28,8,29,0,1,1,0,5,12,0,3,16,128,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.2341566793111096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745848295035964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225340583430902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393183103089093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100436400599753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158062578383828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495578012717555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852429907606427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198896643961135,0.08571019783602965,0.11519486010564353,0.0,0.0,0.10205071403073228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818458426452374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609353819377727,0.0,0.0,0.11845052079854428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27087445020745593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106639334651209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035324004436105,0.0,0.16948384812720646,0.17584124396045794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352329072691775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24181325869752396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819546434624143,0.0,0.09253215278336964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589363027297365,0.12776950992100686,0.08129819709812515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452975820464655,0.08317559160117756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341519915713227,0.0,0.0,0.12205775501579555,0.1293533930040137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846088541176268,0.12880830150150427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956045795575238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165446832984304,0.184725305880868,0.11865838963444827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902063045673161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941218091947645,0.1537503319900326,0.0,0.09524678629422853,0.1399168299075848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443655454507321,0.0,0.0,0.12489825549262396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076439140390417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725999699035027
suicidewatch,sigilthrowawayy,2019/02/15,"It's fucking hilarious I posted in /r/offmychest about the cancer I've been stricken with, and it also detailed my refusal to undergo treatment for it in favor of death.

And people *supported* my decision.

If I had told everyone I was planning to shoot myself, people would've been saying ""no, life is beautiful, you're young and have so much to live for"" etc. etc. but the case was different here.

Curing the cancer would've required many rounds of chemo preceding surgery to remove it, but I have instead chosen palliative care.

Fuck living. I've finally got my ticket off of this shitpile.  
Thank you all for listening


",4.244449760765549,6.926792631578947,5.116730462519938,76.83696172248806,74.43859649122807,8.005103668261562,29.661881977671452,8.841846274778883,2.9618350877192987,496,22,79,11,11,161,80,114,0.158,0.732,0.11,-0.7908,1,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,5,6,2,0,3,0,8,5,0,0,1,11,16,8,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,3,9,4,15,9,4,8,0,0,1,2,5,3,2,1,3,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521032868026831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939221059273856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871906085991975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424247713170652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174474733736226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835537228853251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516746310307425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212073066837078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434425188767365,0.0,0.0,0.335901086875139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283347371747564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981926665470612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637221836168855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215952149241788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125508727192472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583729565843984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511108419749302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174474733736226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022598400177755,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,use2losing,2019/02/15,"I think I am ready My life sucks:
-0 friends
-0 goals/ambitions
- the victim of poisonous gossip at work by ex who works there and is now engaged and very vindictive
-Depressed, anxiety, and insomnia

I am ready to leave this place...",2.9148837209302307,5.782366534883722,3.1314418604651166,87.92925581395347,81.32558139534882,7.1609302325581385,27.20465116279069,8.238735603445708,2.1903618604651167,183,8,34,4,5,56,36,43,0.249,0.5479999999999999,0.204,-0.0935,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,3,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,19,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730914916241909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074694681725175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27580465870152016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37799410842726144,0.0,0.0,0.2521480875408218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372971902032932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22874068885287446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29454887223576914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197766529464298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrowningBrownDad,2019/02/15,"Hi friends What up homies,

My life has been kind of a shit show for a long time, but I’m okay with it. Honestly many others have it much worse. I just wanna go, I’m so tired. I’m too tired. 

I lost my mom long ago, I have no family, I’m about to lose another person in my life. I’ve lost a lot of people, and I’ve lost myself. My life isn’t bad, please don’t think I’m ungrateful. I’m very grateful, but I’m about let an amazing thing pass me up. And I know it will effect me for a long time because I don’t recover easily. These losses stay with me for life, and I’m just really tired. I don’t want to quit on y’all, really I don’t because I am thankful for my life and I don’t wanna let you down, but I’m just so tired. You ever just want to find a dark small space, close your eyes and never wake? The darkness comforts me, the quiet comforts me, I don’t want to watch another amazing person leave my life and think about them for years and years.

My life ain’t bad y’all,  I’m just tired. I don’t want to lose another person, I don’t want to bear another loss, you know what I mean?

I’m so sorry for this, but I’m just so tired. I think I will get my affairs in order, sell my things, give my car to a friend who needs a car, pay off my friends debt, give the rest to the homeless shelter, take a tarp put it in a nice small space under a tree, and finally sleep. No more loss, no more sadness, no more disappointing others, no more disappointing myself, no more letting those I care about down. just sleep, you know?

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suicidewatch,strawberry_tears,2019/02/15,"This is me at five. This is me at five. 

​

I wasn't neglected. Or abused. I had siblings who never teased, classmates who never bullied. My parents didn't divorce. I had everything. Sunshine and the smell of crayons, snowflakes and my mother's lullabies. 

​

But I wanted to die.  

​

To plummet off the lofty pine tree in my backyard. Eyes closed, face first. Death, disappear. Church made no sense. God didn't exist. I was mute, yet blinded with thoughts. Unable to befriend. 

​

Different. 

​

Door shut, door locked. I would punch my face, repeatedly. Eyes brimming with tears. Self-hatred, disgust. 

​

Worthless. 

​

I'm 18 now. But that doesn't matter, because this is me. Nothing has changed, except age. And, right now, I wish to go. Eyes closed, face first. Twisted fulfillment of a 5-year-old's rumination.

​

This is me tonight. 

​",2.9241125541125506,5.349277038961041,2.014415584415584,88.93209956709957,106.53246753246755,3.9445887445887453,29.341991341991342,5.941861826196647,1.7326692640692642,720,38,112,8,33,206,99,154,0.134,0.752,0.115,-0.4614,2,0,0,0,2,0,81.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,2,0,3,0,13,7,6,1,2,20,19,6,2,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,7,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,4,0,4,8,6,15,1,13,10,0,20,1,2,5,0,6,8,0,1,10,67,22,0,0.0,0.06289006896456029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176007677089075,0.5804723853367479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03235653442695704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615066317581358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508773885025302,0.05545637543690634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770408391545913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090298132259539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030166082944434375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050224739816667405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187576784397954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509308401676379,0.0,0.05569759988939934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893807314118491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04532927220901292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537309064913156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04213888647316199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03130743589080242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103836004742338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377058787334289,0.0,0.5804723853367479,0.0341812082985784
suicidewatch,yojimbo-limbo-,2019/02/15,"Love note No matter how u feel there’s so much out of ur control and people don’t mean any of the attention they give to u. No one really even cares, just spew empty sympathies with no meanings. I love my family.  ",3.8869696969696967,4.632221636363635,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,71.27272727272728,9.503030303030306,23.75757575757576,9.725611199111238,1.9143121212121224,168,4,35,4,3,57,40,44,0.158,0.602,0.24,0.7490000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,11,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,5,8,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467861118785266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26189338987967103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880985828670625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965846679357996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421516836684859,0.0,0.12987985375239616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464105749415358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636656371154629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596077102651389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882706300849572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405996895325604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780794827995459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455580642553722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mouserattheband,2019/02/15,Fucked up I fucked up again today as always. It actually a miracle that I lasted this long. How shameless I am as a being to keep living. ,1.2355952380952395,3.4985608928571463,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,82.92857142857143,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,1.1216047619047624,107,3,20,2,3,39,22,28,0.329,0.5589999999999999,0.112,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.3256618556116592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27768115582429354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6170361519164856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966250094242581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720257356726295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946802182780743,0.2953310412399927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31632683521835875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,epicforger12345,2019/02/15,Whats the point Whats the point of staying alive i have autism and social communication disorder so i find it hard to talk to people everytime i talk to someone its awkward and i want to run away because its horrible so i cant get a job a girlfriend or hang out with friends im lonely feel like im missing out on so much recently tried to kill myself but it didnt work just wondering whats the point ,0.6625882352941161,2.9925986117647057,2.856764705882356,89.72044117647059,86.41176470588232,6.223529411764706,23.794117647058826,7.554174236665415,1.2412588235294122,322,13,69,6,10,109,57,85,0.162,0.753,0.085,-0.6348,1,2,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,8,7,1,1,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,2,11,7,1,11,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,2,2,41,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687807749609705,0.0,0.0,0.1095088760382438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588676232899364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083303999392664,0.12833719505480265,0.0,0.0,0.16419070331594707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879195242612008,0.0,0.09385619924467008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092509325399484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880911384666566,0.0,0.1782682358876763,0.0,0.1987486728428211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776463242645027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320584807470186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454203108409725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.509462896034394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737606657422988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312370084610208,0.1522111680945766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147583407417174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887809272338313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196599495733385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595826088175953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948154739820056,0.130782447308152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomthrowaway8970,2019/02/15,"I'm really thinking about it I just don't feel good. I want it to end. I don't want to exist anymore.

The only thing stopping me is that my parents and sister and extended family would suffer a lot and I don't want that.

I just want to stop existing. This is the first time I thought about actually doing it. Every other time I've wanted to go to sleep and now wake up, but now I actually thought of ideas. I'm scared.",0.8197253433208473,2.8107213595505627,3.513857677902621,87.48317103620475,82.59550561797751,6.652184769038702,21.124843945068665,7.793537801064563,0.9315682896379536,327,10,71,6,9,115,54,89,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.8461,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,3,0,7,2,2,0,0,21,19,5,0,6,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,1,9,1,9,16,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.3442912599456176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494615195511265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624228570346446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862864525826344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662987379620769,0.0,0.0891955630392898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004982567808284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025490835608727,0.14795996978415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913953773040366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499730455827974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416379316939867,0.0,0.0,0.19587664504993474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300942664665872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661197052640476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653218910085708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29496460943964314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719550512271315,0.11303306758884718,0.0,0.2800913999590963,0.2057261052650806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202405830876308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253129027016449,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Airikr666,2019/02/15,"This is probably like any other post here So I've experienced the worst feelings and situations ever.  Been thinking about escaping through suicide many times for 9 years.

Only now I realize I never really wanted to. Things suddenly got worse, I will do it.  There is one thing holding me back and I should get rid of it",2.873214285714284,5.736713416666667,4.4695238095238095,78.28500000000005,81.5,8.095238095238095,26.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.7954761904761902,255,11,44,7,7,85,53,60,0.182,0.7609999999999999,0.057,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,2,10,11,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,5,1,5,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438808426128458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718663330164388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319647819253881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966383649374494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397938540424228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509860074665087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528369577455262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599900451621589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977824397321088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377047095762482,0.19503427690943176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455987609750712,0.0,0.2764858363973801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428211583248384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882494541015188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805038837682359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340734859363792,0.164316482735478,0.0,0.0,0.14953230388733674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125503467738904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613344039919495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651390380403338
suicidewatch,Paradoxthechaos,2019/02/15,I think I need help but I dont know So today I spent the way I spend most days telling all my old friends how much I hate them and how terrible they are and needles to say they didn’t appreciate it I dont know why I do this and it’s obviously wrong but I think maybe it’s the that gives me some semblance of happiness but I told them for about four hours that they were terrible and worthless until they told me right back and I didn’t care for a while but eventually it started getting to me until I found myself lying next to my bed cutting the absolute deepest cut I have ever done into my wrist and I sent a picture of the cut to all my friends half laughing and half crying then talking about how little life meant and how I wanted to die which just makes me feel incredibly week because I couldn’t even take some insults online then I got in the car turned the key and for whatever reason I didn’t die for about five minutes so I just gave up then I went inside and spent about two hours lying on the floor doing nothing trying to convince myself to swallow a bunch of pills and so far I only convinced myself to swallow 150 mg of hydroxyzine because I’m pretty sure it would just put me in a mini comma and I told myself I could take the rest latter when I’m feeling worse so now I’m just trying to convince myself to take enough pills to OD but I’m such a shity suicidal patient I can’t even talk myself into dying I honestly think the only think worse than someone who wants to kill themself committing suicide is someone like me who has nothing to contribute at all wanting to kill themself but being to pathetic to go through with it,5.056450473364421,5.4037962700296776,5.7949809241203925,82.09800197823941,68.49554896142433,8.199463049314682,30.290942489755544,7.957251820313856,1.9842449908153177,1321,48,261,15,21,432,174,337,0.245,0.634,0.121,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,6,0,23,22,7,0,14,0,18,6,1,6,7,58,56,33,8,7,10,0,2,1,2,1,3,1,1,0,12,15,2,0,11,0,3,5,7,11,0,5,16,3,47,11,40,36,10,35,0,1,0,0,22,11,0,3,19,187,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311152326109004,0.0,0.11592115390438636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694155323439374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591454890850312,0.0,0.10444216135180008,0.06131946575126827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960376180545757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730101184371992,0.22286876252181975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824422851118804,0.0,0.12560038493443565,0.08600632946325731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615175673122646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425155610870067,0.14691889698748986,0.0,0.049675968337591914,0.09121048789810132,0.05403679976278482,0.0,0.07604506891888181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121563547854688,0.0,0.0938729354036522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373088009050441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872715292799396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038637530038407,0.0,0.10450820963895306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715861703245114,0.04645183948064379,0.09529627526912536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346739545589207,0.0,0.09552177916767994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989557387890842,0.07050145630758957,0.0,0.0,0.10111986498969908,0.0,0.0,0.18246582540785694,0.0,0.0997716560693363,0.0,0.0,0.14462697429557386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967316958580514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558280154727276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775924179099647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119876916943636,0.0,0.07561233426494814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112387306847942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729891623059647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800665724208095,0.0,0.08961284382961664,0.0,0.21446753997945886,0.15284522826639912,0.0831051022403699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436966065811977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012579776199607,0.27256229528066783,0.0,0.1291076977871012,0.1034209708728339,0.09288045237246986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682439494150142,0.07547097873714109,0.07626835072208075,0.0,0.0,0.08814116406424284,0.08579593477261828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193791597700768,0.06754290978882503,0.10395629425993914,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elfamosofeizin,2019/02/15,"I fear the night. Because as always i'll be all alone, feeling worthless and sad. I've been sad for as long as i can remember. I have close to no friends. My mom killed herself when I was 14 years old and I saved her life three times before that so now i'm all fucked up on the head. I can't concentrate on something for more than 5 minutes. I feel empty. Sometimes i wish i was never born. I thought aboit ending it all a couple years ago but i'm too afraid to die. I don't wanna die. I just want to have a normal life. I'm tired of being a nobody or only the kind and funny guy that gets immediatly forgoten by others. I'm tired of being the one investing myself into relationships to make them work only to see the other one not giving two fucks about it. (Love and friendship). I hate my face, my body. Evrything about me makes me feel more and more pathetic. 

I just needed to say that to blow off so steam. Thank you guys <3

(I'm not doing anything. Don't worry)",0.5421954369349962,2.7779099306930743,2.4391777873439517,93.21768187688336,85.83168316831683,4.701162290142059,18.188549289711574,6.046907544983943,-0.2505082221265602,754,19,163,6,23,250,129,202,0.224,0.6679999999999999,0.107,-0.9799,0,1,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,1,1,1,9,14,4,2,8,0,13,10,3,2,4,30,35,13,3,5,6,1,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,7,9,0,4,4,5,24,5,24,28,6,18,0,3,1,3,12,6,2,1,12,104,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247489948794827,0.0,0.0,0.13141342836680486,0.0,0.0,0.10557754848851528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441461795104393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734723253078413,0.0,0.10796883221998872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093938124727387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403945943617948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633708598221064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238145215598212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427796352369641,0.19246889896216296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803016710677948,0.2346041957897608,0.06629158776954172,0.12171857472225807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512699698878694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527155775213206,0.1302194617897906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037820832157774,0.13213003043732446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924366668535455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228823660763212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451765110075375,0.0,0.16939194371716354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860486092316716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408278560235601,0.09786066657356103,0.0,0.0,0.11907192137554234,0.12431925754160035,0.0,0.0,0.13314328268922393,0.0,0.1719595950150886,0.1930018091484888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362257968282233,0.14373469588702814,0.0,0.0,0.1009031501775798,0.0,0.0,0.10111002069613388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768140599099763,0.12549139682676227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681762475051738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073162371531816,0.07398700790886965,0.2916686979726732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394710896586422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483939694638815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591019438572733,0.0,0.0,0.09237297220871817,0.12885673419289925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341811094890787
suicidewatch,UsingThisForSadShit,2019/02/15,"I’m just tired. It’s one of those days where I really don’t feel like things are going to get better. I’ve been struggling with bi-polar disorder for almost 10 years, I’ve been on so many different cocktails of drugs it’s impossible to remember them all. I’ve spent thousands on therapy, and still I find myself sitting in the dark tonight wondering why I’m even here. 

Over the years I’ve isolated myself from most friends and family and I don’t think anyone truly knows how bad I’m feeling (with the exception of my psychiatrist and therapist). 

I’m just so tired of fighting, tired of trying to get better and really just want to slip away in my sleep. ",5.716153846153849,6.123992423076924,6.541346153846158,77.10740384615386,67.07692307692308,10.5,30.09615384615385,10.411451182825502,3.0323076923076924,525,18,101,13,8,174,82,130,0.163,0.7090000000000001,0.128,-0.703,1,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,10,7,1,1,3,0,5,5,1,1,1,23,19,8,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,7,1,1,1,2,3,0,2,3,2,8,4,20,16,2,14,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,6,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516321350031215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588118714201064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227052740408652,0.0,0.1264351098980345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678495188156326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765780279965464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820884777251892,0.17354831004206045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560709234027824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000160183492314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275177475552334,0.0,0.15313194892772308,0.10817938494612367,0.0,0.0,0.13840141426657998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169920227921286,0.0,0.158228577511509,0.0,0.08605937886941419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322024664455553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397951896846225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535230770354721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261076489554996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940158586362033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153712284217806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515362269398083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092969260370598,0.0,0.0,0.15830424101016766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173169820845198,0.17581826528228633,0.10060128269555743,0.09702822283623444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5221287278404979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280890363228057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931549023846855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663919566786326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642159791973126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502787687749484
suicidewatch,brokenerdgirl,2019/02/15,"I've finally made a plan I've been miserable for years and I'm finally at that point where I truly can't take it anymore. I love my boyfriend, but I know he would be happier with someone who is also white (I'm Indigenous and this has caused problems with his friends/family). I know he would take care of my cat, who adores him. There's a weird mix of relief and fear in this choice. I've told a few online friends, who haven't responded yet, which is just as well. I know it'll be better once it's all over, but the meticulous 'getting my affairs in order' thing is going to suck. Planning for Tuesday, my abusive mother's birthday. It's my big 'fuck you' to her.",3.2973722627737203,4.3572231532846715,4.395335766423361,87.951397810219,72.94160583941607,7.8157664233576645,27.56861313868613,8.238735603445708,1.6710414598540142,520,19,112,8,10,170,91,137,0.16899999999999998,0.639,0.192,0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,3,6,13,2,2,4,0,12,2,0,2,1,17,27,7,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,1,14,7,13,19,2,14,0,1,1,2,15,7,2,0,5,67,26,0,0.0,0.21685160332783912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636293863273064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150903064431054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186843021640104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866035237371291,0.18801440969180164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725372200962358,0.2059510712629592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009841629211697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140264399906044,0.1692012497633049,0.09562164446071532,0.0,0.10401584161574808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30175295620033915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651848520524314,0.17318021009176096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949128714447553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301531599254366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751277088868275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507427655948164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752201187357763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159194296626732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748857362685883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645591081239073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600277084395243,0.0,0.0,0.11786041811158618
suicidewatch,ughhhh192837,2019/02/15,"I just don’t see how this all could possibly be worth it I come from a really horrible family and my partner can’t handle my baggage anymore. I can’t even handle it myself. I can’t ask him to change and he just doesn’t understand me and is too busy to care about me anymore. I feel like I have been so used by everyone I have ever met and I have nothing to show for it. Poverty fucking sucks. My lack of financial support has destroyed my entire life and I just don’t see myself getting out of this anytime soon. I have so much school debt and even though I am a good student and have many passions nobody has ever seen enough value in me to invest their time or money. My school doesn’t think my disability js debilitating enough for me to access more funding and my whole life is void of purpose. I have spread myself too thin and have too many interests to fully commit to any one thing and when I finally had an interview for a job that would have completely changed my life, after moving on to the next round of interviews I was told I was not qualified, but they’d love for me to apply for one of the other positions available. I applied for the job because it is the first time I felt like a platform that would provide me the opportunity to achieve success was within reach, and yet again, someone else decided that I just wasn’t worth the investment. Nothing that used to make me happy makes me happy anymore. I’ve gone through therapy and was working within the framework of C-PTSD, but all that’s done is overwhelm me and everyone that I’ve explained it to. I hate myself so fucking much, and I hate myself for hating myself and for hurting myself and my partner. I hate myself for letting things get this bad. I just don’t see how all of this could possibly be worth it.....",6.285,6.051710985915495,6.788838028169013,78.00466549295777,65.90140845070422,9.57887323943662,33.24295774647887,9.120678840339163,2.7959267605633795,1420,55,272,22,20,465,174,355,0.114,0.753,0.132,0.4219,3,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,5,23,23,8,1,12,0,39,7,0,6,6,50,69,26,0,5,9,0,4,2,2,2,3,0,0,2,19,18,0,0,6,1,8,3,10,11,0,3,13,8,51,12,38,48,10,22,0,2,5,4,13,7,3,1,14,213,70,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030024794952611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638174731341592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289669007213363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403771975474042,0.05405384982040152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904073843883657,0.0,0.1876072062954128,0.07638338964945438,0.09297128616706278,0.0,0.0,0.14159533398945856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074261434477546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407438159446171,0.0,0.0,0.18324451042111387,0.0,0.11713451973106538,0.1604184589206361,0.0,0.16946048677140446,0.0,0.0,0.08359241275912055,0.0,0.0448354113400594,0.0633475542698587,0.08513937473474706,0.09713624004745436,0.0,0.07542466717562657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395234259233096,0.09265530032311416,0.0,0.0,0.0743741715517077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878675980560108,0.0,0.3501824046157818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094925599193915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598727699579633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906734995123482,0.1878957382814981,0.08664167567687082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080030270144722,0.0,0.11837898250372787,0.17979971801510505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424468944432167,0.13036878003052155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430406464933656,0.0,0.0,0.1701670487525866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017337686158625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992953337186475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365324786849964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680578670460688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948233189943552,0.2119811800068461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513180592136487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062434739257978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140457564402124,0.0,0.11781995651663348,0.056817670158574425,0.08712014701792703,0.0,0.10341113659303036,0.0,0.0,0.08473024338570223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231105770127786,0.0,0.15316890369217856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899952728117656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455453677992835,0.0,0.0,0.1259806059270059,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dalexander16,2019/02/15,"Wish I had killed myself when I had the chance I M(42). It was about 15 months ago and I stood at a bridge at a train station and thinking how easy it would be to drop.  I stopped because of a client of mine (who I was in love with but did not realise it) and was worried that things may not work for her.  Now today I find out that she no longer wants to be my client - I told her my feelings over 12 months ago - now I am trying to work out what's the point in going.

Side note that I was diagnosed with PTSD from sexual violence and rape from boys at my school.",3.026,3.394174266666667,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,73.0,7.0,22.5,6.6274283507984215,0.17375000000000007,432,9,107,3,8,136,78,120,0.18600000000000005,0.7509999999999999,0.062,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,2,0,5,0,12,3,0,1,0,20,20,7,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,9,1,18,1,19,7,0,21,0,0,0,2,7,10,0,1,9,75,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698324645923872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716400622045212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117302407176848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054772332680724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066169221313053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855534058668615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307911320436234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882746521167638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33301391736054514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719967070000255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24384872308845376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111995210290035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440357936855305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858825720235524,0.1336660124206281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773366846714965,0.19933154128261915,0.0,0.1416294742722187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304095734825005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398860858933683,0.0,0.0,0.3037346477232003,0.2118490605585843,0.0,0.14818739654054772,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spaceghostey,2019/02/15,"I feel like I'm never going to get better I thought I was doing good now that I look back I think I was just keeping myself busy enough to not recognize how wrong I was. For the past few months it's been getting worse there's no excitement in life and if there is it's gone in a day or a matter of minutes. Everything seems so fucking bleak and I'm stuck in a job I'll most likely hate. Some days I want to end it all I think about how easy it would be to drive off the road or OD, I sleep those thoughts away shake my head until there gone. 
I have a doctor's appointment soon I'm trying so hard but I'm so sick of being here.",0.9991486810551572,2.4147318345323754,2.6800179856115096,96.47935551558756,79.57553956834529,5.784412470023981,18.77757793764988,6.42735559955562,-0.2713601918465232,491,10,120,4,12,162,94,139,0.125,0.769,0.105,-0.6815,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,14,9,2,1,6,0,10,6,2,2,2,24,31,12,1,3,6,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,9,3,13,5,14,19,5,21,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,6,12,76,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206685864237545,0.1408240102178998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197320039650714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236221396746864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745242188522035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220843537258345,0.18923345626793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459518836657352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926015173014012,0.13083586092764504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931076614885446,0.19136707213102624,0.0,0.10408316640814523,0.15360985720609016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405823044330334,0.18081367512012456,0.1879553498086515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173903604841027,0.16278400365536352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935779955539822,0.17894673851348486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537921900846789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618128042710213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124951497675092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748286656064739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672455294527588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327311366459428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23469852551630746,0.0,0.2907867581693608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434061650891932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080212192493468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866361738716508,0.13009800636051427,0.2002357712175836,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobyclay,2019/02/15,This is it I am tired of this new world I don’t want to be here. Suicide. Suicide my end.,-3.777857142857144,-2.676951761904764,-0.6186904761904746,108.84910714285715,114.23809523809523,2.1,14.773809523809526,3.1291,-1.7205333333333337,67,2,19,0,4,23,18,21,0.4370000000000001,0.515,0.048,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098288435152229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33784978200990995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7652732282473677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020564499248371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632767561227736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaddyJay711,2019/02/15,"To anybody considering it: please don’t, it gets better. Story inside #long I had a very normal childhood for as much as a little boy could whose father walked out on him at age 7. My mother worked double time and odd jobs just to make ends meet and keep a roof over our heads and food on the table for my little brothers and myself. Graduated HS and went onto college to meet what I thought was the love of my life. I wasn’t a virgin but also hadn’t been w “a lot” of women either, under 4. Anyway, met her and began a 5 year romance and relationship w her. Included graduating college, getting our first apartment together, getting married and having a little girl together. One night in the middle of being dad, I can’t say why this happened only theories. Sleep deprivation, moodiness, problems within the marriage itself, we got physical w each other. Nothing horrible like you always hear about but enough to where she pressed charges and tried to take my daughter from me. She had a bruise on her bicep where I grabbed her, she left nail marks on my neck etc. no blood, no busted bones, no damaged furniture. I was scared, I had lost my wife, my newborn daughter who was only 3 months at the time, my job (because of the local news) printing the allegations, and our apartment lease was up. She moved and took everything we had either bought together or were gifted during the wedding or baby shower. I moved back in w my mother at age 33, after 52 days of trying to be strong and endure the never ending, relentless pain, I made the horrifying decision one night to write my suicide notes and leave my pin # for the debit card, my wedding band and my wallet on the passenger side of my vehicle. I walked to the nearest overpass (about 35 ft) up and sent a goodbye text to my wife and called my brother and let him know that I loved him. I closed my eyes and fell. I hit the cement below w such impact that I knew I was injured pretty bad. I tried to get up and into a standing position and my hip buckled. I then laid under the bridge w oncoming traffic passing me by for the next 6+ hours in 20 degree weather passing in and out of consciousness. My mother knew something was wrong and issued a missing person’s report. The EMTS found me and loaded me up on the gurney. I never screamed so loud in my life, I knew my back was severely messed up when they slid the board underneath me. I was so cold that I didn’t even register a pulse on their machines. I passed out in the ambulance on the way to ICU. My first time waking up, I remember being under what seemed to me at the time; like a giant heated pool cover. They kept me under that for 3 days until I finally stabilized, as well as a back brace to keep my shattered pelvis and hip together. I was administered every two hours w dilaudid into a pic line.  It says half life for that medicine was 4 hours but believe me when I tell you it seemed like it wore off so much quicker than that. After 4 days I finally went into emergency surgery where I had a “routine surgery” that should have lasted 2-3 hours go into 5 because of complications. My pelvis was shattered on the right side w an incomplete break of the tailbone, I had a few broken ribs, and two lower lumbar vertebrae shattered in my back. After the surgery my right lung collapsed and I was put onto a rebreather overnight. After a week of recovery mind you still being dosed every 4 hours w this dilaudid (which is equivalence to street heroin) and Barry eating I lost 40 lbs. it took 3 weeks and every level of that hospital to get me back to health. I went from ICU, emergency surgery, recovery and rehab and also behaviors Heath unit (voluntarily signed myself in for a 72 hour hold.) I am now happy to say that incident was over 15 months ago. I got back into the gym and gained my frame and muscle back, and am living a better life now as well. My first ever won is due in June (just before Father’s Day) I guess I just came here to say that I thought it was over and couldn’t get worse, I was wrong. With the right help and support, things will get much better and please value your life. You only get to live it once. 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suicidewatch,ModernForever,2019/02/15,"Should I call 911? https://www.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/aqxzeq/i_give_up/

That post seems very realistic, as if the person is really gonna end their life. Should I call 911?",9.578200000000002,14.273949120000005,5.255500000000001,68.51525000000001,77.8,7.3000000000000025,14.25,8.07648339933343,0.7828000000000004,148,2,21,3,4,39,21,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6787211327277733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943582987414369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347445231106564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901901191002232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182938562831537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129081920408571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025536597444612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742187546220162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Awaythrow45764346,2019/02/15,"My girlfriend ""never loved me"". And I can't deal with it. Just sick of life, people Lieing to me all the time, I can't handle this shit. Tonight's the night.",-0.17772727272727096,1.9941353939393949,0.8578030303030317,103.60670454545456,89.0,3.3000000000000003,14.31060606060606,3.1291,-1.5831757575757577,120,2,29,0,4,37,28,33,0.3,0.7,0.0,-0.8933,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,2,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308322848829896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951722066006984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771673319925482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32230705191541803,0.0,0.0,0.3921669582702801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897163733243914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428964097920879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436784382745365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pennywithaholeinit,2019/02/15,"I want to help... My neighbor is in a tough situation- going through a divorce, hates his workplace, filed for bankruptcy, dealing with a live-in significant other who doesn't make him happy or helps make things better. He talks to me about these things, I listen, and try to find encouraging words because I genuinely care, but maybe words aren't enough? What are the right words? What can I do?",6.064931506849316,7.383537958904114,5.621808219178085,80.7612054794521,66.67123287671232,8.579726027397259,29.668493150684927,8.841846274778883,2.247763835616438,313,11,58,5,5,96,58,73,0.07400000000000001,0.768,0.158,0.6048,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,2,0,11,13,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,8,4,8,13,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,0,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300176637626433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747271511916748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23917659341471426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418484033844509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423905860178232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144078310925392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333209264250834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497217146452267,0.0,0.2316056237452493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314476801470527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714419663217512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131766498797778,0.0,0.2356736917862031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003356079147618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26368507936758856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855176029654194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116977227752266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926884968343796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138365208523892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sapphireyoyo,2019/02/15,"I can’t stop thinking about it? I know I wouldn’t actually do it. It would hurt my mom too much. I’m the only family she has left. (Which sucks for her because I can barely take time out of my fuckin day to talk to her but that’s another thing) I know I wouldn’t hurt her like that. 

But I can’t stop thinking about how much..better things would be without me. I know I’m a burden to people, I’m terrible with boundaries and I’m just..annoying to be around. I don’t think right, don’t realize things that any normal person would realize, which is frustrating because I’m not stupid. But some how I keep making the same mistakes, I don’t grow, I don’t learn, I can’t change anything about myself. I want to stop so fucking bad. I want to rip myself apart so no one has to look at me ever again. I want to delete every stupid fucking thing I’ve ever said or or done. 

I can’t stop feeling this way. Its all I think about. I don’t even want to die I just can’t fix it. Even when I think I’m happy I always fuck it up. ",0.12575054101908378,2.0320260723981924,2.253318906157784,96.02154042888056,84.65610859728505,5.291442061774543,17.753492032264408,6.498293943080001,-0.2785165846940787,786,18,187,8,23,264,111,221,0.229,0.669,0.102,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,0,17,16,8,0,3,0,23,4,0,3,3,48,51,11,1,11,8,1,1,1,0,5,0,1,0,1,16,4,0,5,12,0,0,1,15,14,0,1,2,3,32,2,21,42,4,19,0,2,1,4,8,7,5,3,11,120,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.10461354448997172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920052947033415,0.0,0.0,0.07290093615875573,0.11241048998856236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882179908419538,0.09543237729652213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950906944359581,0.13069850917331188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340534603201315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691363266070065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125859844029526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970471532329833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416116257440367,0.1939404269489604,0.09032218474361237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106036630247213,0.0,0.054204477939943686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29731915705570233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411836594541425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295236017092236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528593258783838,0.0,0.0,0.1767460045400686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647512696978818,0.0,0.0,0.052373410408645064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002255705646482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155806932391351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555351460593753,0.0,0.0,0.15761139353946235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503505484668343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264275000910206,0.08153183991883617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432026690888144,0.09360452308495128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154979673430977,0.1019735111951184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585021972089016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060245203247665,0.08616478871988273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848805907211522,0.3434530939563098,0.0,0.0,0.06251026258783501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529217216512473,0.08509184108821935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333876079994828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284593618324797,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drizzy2019,2019/02/15,"Do things really get better or are really temporary? I always see comments of “don’t worry it will get better”, “is only temporary”, well for me nothing goes my way my mom is poor and barely can support her self we always been living in with family because financially we can’t live by our own, and I hate it I’m 19 hustling in college and I fucking hate living with relatives I always see my cousins living happy with their mom and dad in their own house and me always need to live with fucking relatives, And every year things get worse and worse. I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel no point of living this way. This is fucking depressive I tried my best to be positive but I can’t. I keep trying to do better and things never change, I tried working to save some money in a shitty underpaid job for what? Still can’t make a living. Life is suppose to be “happy” and shit like that well not for me. This miserable times I’m living feels like a eternity.",2.453857225100748,4.563112419689119,4.182340241796202,84.1747423719056,77.65284974093265,6.983189407023604,22.121185952792167,7.984000788550335,1.2428332757628096,759,22,145,13,18,255,103,193,0.139,0.687,0.173,0.8111,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,3,0,2,5,3,20,6,1,5,0,17,5,1,1,1,25,35,11,0,1,3,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,15,0,1,1,0,3,0,8,8,2,0,1,5,22,12,21,31,4,14,0,2,3,3,12,6,4,2,8,96,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824247450194986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172684140285482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905012351238815,0.2251421468910643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976537506874101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308551682978591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751563742113382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149402628911103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999377457183468,0.0,0.04290525502484522,0.060620453563678824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353413360309576,0.13299975970829028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806595240832864,0.0,0.16755355784847525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979113168966767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842055283419054,0.07542305346969758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993562029132311,0.08291176727478075,0.0,0.5994284002630487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566413944034243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876238156566495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291893284811395,0.06544543371236414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142069410470278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453607741113787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021543512328927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087206158079999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028554287074218,0.0,0.08852230712344866,0.0,0.0871024734600975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776534012098387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629248751265128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691217431804531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947965297207857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728329950760193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347079533343605,0.0,0.0,0.1525897332953865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177547569590128,0.08617440644218413,0.17294905893952048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054643860102195387
suicidewatch,Lonewolf5333,2019/02/15,The pain never lessens Everyday I walk around with this monkey on my back telling me to just end it. I have quick fixes in my house it’s just a matter of working up the nerve. I hate myself and have no future ,3.4587878787878767,4.097689727272726,4.343636363636366,90.0437878787879,72.18181818181819,6.775757575757575,23.75757575757576,6.42735559955562,0.5206757575757579,164,4,36,1,3,53,37,44,0.203,0.773,0.024,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,3,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251589343545304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808624756771769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32351203934593203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36061873505766656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42146112204959296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28171111164343315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886625059846075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192534325031268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26591370770160305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hmill031,2019/02/15,"Help Okay so background. Diagnosed with depression since freshman year of high school. Diagnosed with bipolar depression a couple of years ago. I’ve been through the ringer to find an antidepressant that works. Finally found one but super expensive. But got it anyways. Went to therapy for a long time. Basically thought I was getting better. Decided to stop therapy and medicine because I wanted to see how I would do on my own. For the most part I’ve still been improving with just a couple of steps backwards. I have a history of self harm and it’s basically my only comfort/coping mechanism when I’m in my bipolar depressed episode. I’ve been under A LOT of stress lately and kind of snapped. I have since cut myself five times in the last 48 hours and seriously thought about ending it all. I have a good family (mom, dad, brothers) I have a healthy romantic relationship (boyfriend is basically a saint) but I still want to end my life. I’m at my wits end. Help. ",2.429894106813993,5.3547222541436525,3.584399171270721,82.79678291896873,86.12707182320446,7.436556169429097,28.536141804788212,8.344100000000001,2.7358561694290966,772,38,139,20,24,249,116,181,0.127,0.71,0.163,0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,3,8,12,1,1,12,1,11,5,0,1,1,24,22,10,0,3,4,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,7,0,2,9,1,14,5,23,12,5,26,1,3,1,0,7,7,0,2,17,85,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735133391610448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382383647107407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710659162675493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26799840760851706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31291993266081797,0.24583589541251136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217864301625693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416601463643908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326634444078344,0.1106868052178166,0.0,0.0,0.13278421704414214,0.0,0.0,0.06327180914919918,0.0,0.0,0.10157623733643054,0.09685788215892943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623468335672252,0.12795295941273013,0.0,0.0,0.1192629842578464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261111153012599,0.0,0.09871587288013553,0.1366105168181218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553929277682182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717317408412608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295823724760612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183546835023886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206316248595925,0.09210500189214099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114376320575585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002030737409975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225636505412238,0.09650415909176202,0.0,0.1263378189715446,0.0,0.0,0.20035685769655026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342752241671302,0.1012483147232216,0.1387241516468698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698581450298176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922859984335118,0.1412333601121303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286048048493633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226456368120326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816510910030806,0.0,0.0,0.08602876281137586,0.0,0.0,0.1559739308617473
suicidewatch,Moocifer999,2019/02/15,"Sudden Thoughts - Double Dialogue? Hey everyone,

New to this sub as I am new to these thoughts. Looking to see if this is normal and if anyone has ever experienced this:

I'm prone to anxiety and some depression, have had it in the past. Growing anxiety recently due to stress from school and financing issues. I have never had any thoughts that scared me, though, or that  I believed were dangerous... Until last week. Suddenly, as of Friday last week, I have insomnia - I've never had insomnia before. Ok, I thought, just stress... So took some me time to recoup and made sure to get as much sleep as I could to not become sleep deprived.... Day three roles around and I'm in bed and start to notice that I'm having 2 internal dialogues now. One of them is my normal anxious but OK self (you know, coping), but the other is a strong urge and voice telling me that suicide is an option - scared the living hell out of me. Same type of inner voice that you get when doing psychedelics and you get a bad trip. Literally a battle in my head of good Vs. evil - one side telling myself it's just thoughts and calm down, and the other is just a crushing feeling of depression and suicidal thoughts. Extremely sudden.

This is why I'm wondering is this normal? Do they normally come on this suddenly, or is there something else going on? I have a hormonal IUD and wondering if it might be the culprit, because coincidentally this week my face and body completely broke out in crazy acne which I haven't experienced in over 10 years. I just got the IUD in 6 months ago - but I don't want to just brush it off to that, hence why I'm reaching out to this sub. 

What do you all think - is this a normal psychological leap from anxiety to sudden suicidal thoughts that I seem to not be able to control? I literally feel like my thoughts are split and half of them are stuck on the wrong station. I feel completely debilitated and as thought I have 0 control over my thoughts...

I will be going to see a Doctor but the appointment is in a while. Any advice would help in the mean time! ",4.8366654702081835,6.035967178391965,5.489249820531229,81.02458542713569,69.42713567839196,9.00229720028715,29.54091888011486,9.330973305703688,2.4976084709260595,1619,61,316,33,28,524,198,398,0.182,0.748,0.069,-0.9951,0,0,1,0,0,1,56.0,0,4,3,3,12,21,4,4,18,2,36,8,5,3,5,77,75,34,3,11,17,0,3,1,0,3,3,2,1,1,25,20,0,2,19,0,1,6,6,14,0,4,18,11,32,7,50,50,6,56,1,4,3,0,13,21,1,12,30,211,57,4,0.06932854613782627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774705290744379,0.061455573106073885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429157750173796,0.0,0.15910844410458486,0.07832152354964872,0.0,0.04847613142855633,0.0,0.0,0.06171710456800052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788644016977816,0.04226203824131829,0.07656793234199018,0.058993486474588186,0.07810953055892372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700838575716837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597204037287344,0.14537932318944555,0.0,0.15551571923901122,0.05535320277591176,0.0,0.0,0.044711176851376176,0.0,0.11942515040079195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096070467410047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791510425341781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271163911583634,0.0,0.06624639684426742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516378805105897,0.04952832721336161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866391178038744,0.0,0.07880202089419876,0.05814949522981616,0.05544837162963849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115108962345476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046469463093152516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236099004612671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038101155859232835,0.1130240365202387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03387042572281128,0.0,0.06121837639754636,0.0,0.0582185179152517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656003466497286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075519111103834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354663155293464,0.0,0.0,0.05533738409430133,0.0,0.05096445845605995,0.0,0.10694089750158013,0.1339158837468559,0.0,0.0,0.3396362768547879,0.0,0.0789310092844251,0.0,0.0,0.09395763419973527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618194197706552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845357545297788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881993829324893,0.07016418996591074,0.11049175054944073,0.06311410460578293,0.07232479361584286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387572287694354,0.0,0.0,0.0533725019032097,0.0,0.0,0.04907110178842211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883123072834665,0.0,0.0,0.2275025309892376,0.0,0.06534133426525936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211924102076517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04442293300111967,0.0681149445801593,0.5503912155968255,0.08085206555673179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702656568715886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040891772752782565,0.0,0.1668335336349798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511645904769902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036770185738646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049249010043148335,0.0757998818242102,0.0,0.044645310687088935
suicidewatch,MajorLombardi,2019/02/15,"What's the longest you have gone without thinking of suicide? If you are someone who fantasizes about it how long have you gone without fantasizing or thinking about it? I just realized my daily fantasies went away for a month or so before today and that is by far my record. 
",7.3447435897435875,7.594678346153848,7.054615384615384,75.3570512820513,63.615384615384606,9.241025641025642,38.487179487179496,8.841846274778883,3.4935179487179484,222,11,38,3,3,70,42,52,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,9,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,6,0,8,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27056112287290834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504472742668446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25484799424964216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298581591331261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439994991312774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149968978307036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690443185941307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729657510577291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669548524988913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551934636033602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,humanophagic,2019/02/15,"I was a victim of childhood abuse and I plan on killing myself on my 30th birthday if I still feel the same as I do now. I was a victim of childhood abuse which caused memory blackouts and also BPD and PTSD, but that isn't the only reason. I can't even look at a child because they cause this deep sorrow and rage within me since they're the embodiment of something I never had and never will. I also have poor health (including heart problems) likely accentuated by my poor psychological health so my end goal is to get a job (at a prison, I stated why in my other post), keep doing that until I get bored and for my 30th birthday I plan on downing an entire prescription of lunesta after coming home from work (my 30th birthday falls on a Monday) so I can finally find peace in my mind and body and I'm no longer a disgusting inhuman burden on my poor family which throughout my life have done a very poor job at hiding.",6.4564130434782605,5.918861380434787,7.169695652173914,76.43182608695655,65.6304347826087,9.53391304347826,29.813043478260866,8.841846274778883,2.2453386956521735,730,21,140,10,10,243,114,184,0.284,0.693,0.023,-0.9947,2,0,1,0,2,1,13.0,0,0,1,4,7,10,5,0,12,0,13,5,2,3,2,22,20,16,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,6,9,0,1,3,0,4,2,5,9,0,0,4,2,24,1,23,15,1,28,0,1,1,0,2,13,0,1,12,99,30,4,0.0,0.3372639729666012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276346839073817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676006825827813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809111634894332,0.1792534982971599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29241419392118795,0.0,0.12260048307020086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564800547316215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260578063492685,0.0,0.0,0.09400439525615614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134171450524846,0.0,0.07196385384530668,0.0,0.0,0.1559102051911356,0.130082575426045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871799524426418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30256988074443186,0.0,0.1686559449268145,0.0,0.0,0.14276369345689294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28247142831593364,0.12650510044322125,0.15746165101779894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005284368144397,0.06953286140314613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951724995801973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370779244269824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195398034013326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824466233507206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363081165676526,0.0,0.0,0.1361859123227594,0.16637044151606464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463339210315337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117732804746458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956882585256753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136610195981832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743312424102426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842627780076776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361437781059248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontWannaBeHere77890,2019/02/15,"I don't know if I can make it through the weekend. Everything has been piling up for a while. Every time it looks like things are getting better something falls through and I end up right back here. It's worse having to watch hope get crushed over and over than if I never had it at all. I'm a freshly minted grad student and I'm not doing well. I'm working a decent, dead end job and get rejection after rejection from jobs in my own field. My husband and family all seem so baffled and don't seem to understand that I'm just not as smart or capable as they think I am.

Anyway, when th the three day weekend I think I'm just going to have too much time to think. I feel like I'm drowning in every failure I've experienced over the last three years. I love my husband and my family, but I want to give them the opportunity to not have to watch me fail anymore. ",4.572788217369227,4.684999067039108,5.588765871000508,83.97739969527679,69.50279329608938,8.520264093448452,29.121889283900448,8.296473431620573,1.8363586592178776,679,23,145,9,11,225,108,179,0.118,0.787,0.095,-0.6232,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,4,9,11,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,3,30,36,16,2,4,9,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,8,2,0,2,6,3,1,2,2,6,16,8,23,34,4,25,0,3,3,1,6,9,0,6,16,95,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324119188912966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881546796079642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665937770441847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965188377111027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27371569842615345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26037761326795866,0.0,0.13887159085733872,0.0,0.2913332648951925,0.0,0.07812938003271881,0.11038830678176426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218918555529045,0.14822857354297575,0.08781663087487705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347209628816985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066722582523251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491952622607751,0.12595349690856866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098022307161554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975692856177629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945930690439495,0.0,0.10314254107954028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358914365870795,0.0,0.11917447312592568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319582649407301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813363395644815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895617004025047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265546677277644,0.2970283451214822,0.0,0.0,0.18020238354038395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608595860460286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113922899190068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893101503327407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249157275844596,0.0,0.15746792256988368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950508183454264
suicidewatch,evedahmer,2019/02/15,"it's hopeless past years, financial instability (dad has gambling problems and has handled his finance horribly, mom doesn't work because of her own severe mental illness)  I've been evicted/kicked out of 4 different appartments and it has made my anxiety so much worse. I've tried finding a job, I never found one where I could make enough money to leave and be independent. I might add this is italy and finding a nice enough job when you don't have any qualification is fucking hard, most young people live with their parents till they are like thirty. also, I had an horrible boss and this combined with my mental illnesses made it very hard to even keep that horrible job. I enrolled in college but I have a very unstable situation financially, so it was paid late and i keep feeling hopeless when I study because among other things I'm not even sure I'll get my university paid for so maybe I'm studying for nothing. on top of that my father is emotionally abusive, I've had problems (SEVERE problems) with all the medications they've given him except for two of them...I'm constantly tormented by intrusive thoughts that make it so hard to get anything done...my mental issues have only gotten worse and worse and the worse I feel I can function...the less I can function the less likely it is I can find a job, finish college and get the hell out there, the more I stay in this toxic situation the worse I get mentally. I don't get any therapy anymore. It didn't work.

I mean what else could I do beside killing myself",6.93013590263692,7.220969486206897,7.216734279918864,73.70581135902637,64.48275862068965,9.995943204868155,35.33468559837728,9.773937934552695,3.43540770791075,1221,53,217,23,17,397,166,290,0.249,0.7340000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9968,8,0,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,1,2,3,11,12,3,0,11,0,27,4,0,6,3,44,50,18,1,5,3,4,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,16,15,0,2,8,0,5,0,6,8,0,2,13,5,28,4,22,33,9,19,1,2,0,1,10,8,2,2,12,138,44,10,0.0,0.09368678329627347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323344030599587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754264649789526,0.0,0.060489471815423135,0.0,0.07841766885431695,0.0,0.0,0.06506909721440762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640249021781083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854481877593372,0.0,0.12626429796545655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261287534733035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091758515606334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660540819088456,0.08894478115634091,0.0,0.16340396828378714,0.0,0.10445194403415134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996184022937547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680972231981432,0.0,0.0,0.08669780518446242,0.0,0.0731003164226932,0.2065579443625508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249756580645654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253008995023854,0.3138650032405851,0.140564743122101,0.08748088594591066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919608246294021,0.08372528866469245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726066986575496,0.0,0.0698215724726323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963870743940236,0.10556166434701188,0.0,0.07943793752601447,0.08613203092423817,0.0,0.07965620531695113,0.3187418479636045,0.08388235309842404,0.0,0.092607570967475,0.0,0.0,0.05812664168860365,0.0,0.060984806071189675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587122521000078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535808865873224,0.060137429645759716,0.0,0.0,0.08779952983339384,0.0,0.0754826823260284,0.05481821368113606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22698220524819254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865654904588274,0.0,0.0,0.177759330730448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427968530530879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452394157325533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042513756230547,0.0,0.05253158305697018,0.0,0.0,0.06277392902179972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368434989540829,0.0,0.07724135414186956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048451710746709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512996985634735,0.0,0.4029030071821799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091944574712216
suicidewatch,Tiikuri,2019/02/15,"I'm physically ill ​

I'm physically ill.

​

Nobody knows exactly what's wrong.

​

I have my suspicions as to what it might be. Blood tests have come back normal, but i'm suspicious there might be something wrong with my liver.

​

I'm not going to go into detail about the symptoms. Too tired to write about that.

​

I'm sick and tired of worrying that at some point the symptoms will worsen and my life will be over.

​

I'm not afraid of death. I am afraid of living like this for the rest of my life. Not being truly well ever again.

​

I want to either get back to normal health or just perish. Nothing in between.

​

​",3.660166112956812,6.558688178294574,3.6454318936877113,85.33831395348841,78.06976744186046,5.546179401993357,24.71816168327796,6.868970318607317,1.1683417497231448,561,20,95,6,14,171,76,129,0.263,0.6779999999999999,0.059,-0.9836,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,3,0,11,12,2,0,2,22,23,5,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,4,1,0,0,0,7,2,19,15,3,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,5,64,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059027749934664,0.5673534679030652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978427041093891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468959780586106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046927980302393424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027104898885898152,0.0,0.05896863383655215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551454853195541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02851161788895071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328805395842991,0.02534570445874989,0.0,0.04581055131443839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007190771870402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016617950666504,0.0497797819883591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049042898939227586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03993937574134921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784533511541368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192557130206979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030599874813157894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664590335804733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268615322969106,0.0,0.0,0.1134441839289133,0.5673534679030652,0.0
suicidewatch,rude_jellyfish,2019/02/15,"Concerned about a friend in med school Hello! I'm not in the medical field, but I'm posting here because I am concerned and overwhelmed. I have a friend, 28 years old, who is currently attending medical school in the Caribbean. He has always had depression and suicidal thoughts, but this past year it has gotten worse. He told me he failed a semester and has told me he hasn't been able to do any work due to the depression. In addition, he is ashamed that He is going to Carribean school, so that makes him feel worse. He is now contemplating suicide and is thinking of ways he could it. I'm really scared for him. He doesn't have a support system back home. I'm trying to help him as much as I can, but I can only do so much. He's not giving me the address to where he lives just so I can call the school in case anything happens.

I'm scared that I will lose a friend to suicide. ",3.689419853889128,4.814291547486037,4.612402234636871,86.51844864632574,72.07262569832403,8.189256553502362,28.29437043403524,8.617729084823388,1.9411818650623125,693,26,146,12,13,225,97,179,0.289,0.64,0.071,-0.9951,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,3,9,12,0,4,10,0,22,2,0,1,0,16,38,12,3,1,6,0,1,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,6,1,12,4,16,30,2,19,0,5,0,0,24,6,0,0,8,86,19,6,0.11472188982868653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545780251644916,0.0,0.0,0.07801481906473602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440634039049947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821405191861174,0.0,0.06993339922948325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171438761913166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159609402307016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976195912116316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058006834504487924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659015425050735,0.0,0.0,0.11005169029554504,0.06519909375663112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014481883006481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768956645185176,0.0,0.11507540934932182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130153052118482,0.0,0.0,0.1283444499953585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657775229072221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743015740090147,0.231140469294924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866757818781802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038132507615718,0.0,0.0,0.08725116678106032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951502489389273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987185839650436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349378024613447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971325022801786,0.4644187088640786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376461382069204,0.1301850410616918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350915473533919,0.0,0.09107636596453172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192433640597842,0.0,0.07788863265105207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106089628158223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351890212639722,0.0,0.2338228134013494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775427148953876
suicidewatch,RennPanda,2019/02/15,"I'm at a birthday party with people that all dislike me and I hope I can get drunk enough to go through with it I really wish I could just go home and cry myself to sleep without offending anybody - for some reason, nobody but the host really wants me there and even they seem like they invited me unwillingly. They want to go to a club afterwards - I feel very uncomfortable to tag along, even though it's all part of the plan. It's a very popular club, which means prices are high and the people there are pretty snobby and elitist. No room for dancing and people are furious if you just slightly touch them by accident. It feels more like an economic statement than an activity one does for fun. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to go there while looking like an abomination from a horror movie and that's with putting effort into my looks. They are disgusted by the sheer sight of my hideous body, without even having talked to me (and I'm sure that would only make things worse). The problem is, I promised somebody they could crash at my place and my flat ""mates"" are very uptight so it's either I go with them or they won't get into the apartment. I don't trust them enough to give them my keys either. I wish I had just said I can't come, unfortunately I'm such a sucker for social interaction that I will take any opportunity (not that there are many; this probably makes it worse), even if I pretty much know they'll make me more miserable than I am before that.

I've realised that this is yet another reason my life is just a waste of resources. I haven't achieved anything, I'm not liked anywhere and everything I do is destined to fail. I straight-up feel cursed at this point and I have no intention to continue living this life whatsoever. I tried ending my life once, unfortunately my survival instincts seemed to kick in. I wish I knew how to turn them off. It would make things so much easier. 
Actually, I'm not waste. At least most waste can be recycled. I can't be. I'm actually worse than trash.",4.698367346938773,5.965213734693879,5.252142857142856,82.34285714285714,69.81632653061224,8.55918367346939,28.030612244897966,8.942964678507748,2.081055102040816,1592,55,316,29,28,511,202,392,0.187,0.672,0.141,-0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,12,6,18,19,4,2,15,0,30,6,2,8,3,68,69,20,0,13,15,0,4,4,1,5,3,1,2,0,21,19,1,1,11,4,1,8,12,8,0,1,3,8,49,11,41,57,14,26,0,2,3,0,19,13,0,8,9,209,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.1674634824582193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058349254406439864,0.0899723463634481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060888737632366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301237378418382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530823454282447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391203165222249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370140662212761,0.0,0.094251006015962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508713366505074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599634470903231,0.17731569803983072,0.0,0.2266893461958906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711456339383717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015433161510231,0.06129796619097965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089657470317267,0.08231043988687632,0.2438202481453045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065600316170604,0.08606780630327554,0.08522213668998044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715530475389102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181643704102107,0.16767682880845328,0.0,0.07576597429826194,0.0,0.1441064919267168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909774342112946,0.08699118034681283,0.0,0.09346505686076972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615074350980146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137782080913136,0.05814260453163505,0.06525735224153123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291672085105512,0.0,0.17845582196546322,0.0,0.08964629080395978,0.0,0.08111194722449562,0.0,0.0,0.17458580960502645,0.09251057763531856,0.08210226591377245,0.0,0.08625611618003193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993571047865366,0.17644037172159285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161868229626675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622438584017145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586536631069867,0.08746576094668487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086868917278578,0.0,0.06451347852631087,0.06896552284246263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400793281478964,0.0,0.08430140497151002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825487639924905,0.09332946026536916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123903734772064,0.10121813696195536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29600902683769226,0.16542283163089996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623229853394332,0.12190454725269635,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AwkwardHour,2019/02/15,"Super Suicidal I am feeling extremely suicidal but I am too lethargic to act on these thoughts. I have been struggling with depression and self-destructive behavioral patterns for nearly six months. I thought my boyfriend was cheating so I began to spiral and i quit my job and started job hopping, not being able to stick with them and also sometimes not even showing up for interviews. I wake every morning hoping that my next breath will be my last. Good memories with great friends and with him have only become distant dreams that are unattainable. My clothes smell like a life that I can't have again. I am 23 years old, I should be living my best life, but instead I chose to attempt making my relationship work when a part of me knows that things just cannot be the same again. I feel like I have thrown my entire life away and there is no way to make up for this lost time. Everyone is moving on and going forward with their life, but me? I sleep in, I ignore messages from an employer who just hired me and is wanting me to complete the hiring process. I spend almost every waking moment just wishing to be dead. I feel like I am 16 again. I feel like I will never make anything of myself. I have become apathetic about life. I have sought out counseling, I have taken medication, I made one suicidal attempt years ago, but moved on eventually. Now, I feel stuck and everyone is disappointed in me and I wish to end everything. ",4.838580182072832,6.623228400735298,5.122457983193279,81.40671568627452,70.13970588235293,7.975070028011205,29.864145658263308,8.563005593585519,2.3471822128851536,1143,46,207,19,21,361,160,272,0.17,0.674,0.156,-0.7486,3,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,7,15,16,1,1,5,0,28,10,4,4,1,46,50,17,4,5,9,0,5,4,1,3,6,0,0,0,8,16,0,1,8,2,1,5,6,6,0,2,9,6,43,10,30,33,3,34,0,3,0,0,8,11,0,2,23,151,51,7,0.09763926526792127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655131744385683,0.0,0.09777162020317656,0.0,0.0,0.07808208515866172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034879591093279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173530380728083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215669794721884,0.0,0.0,0.10246638503472227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237291196865557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409655610304367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647940815805079,0.0,0.0,0.0644898138516198,0.0,0.16453058427040793,0.186597004404576,0.08775187580663897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468467312556365,0.2092605318499519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543585414132631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055490644549510734,0.08189518324316848,0.0,0.10764763465476992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969778213824813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193783809585252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365998670386499,0.07958903293249428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448275029742812,0.1908064522404644,0.0,0.08621726006583892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658479201974866,0.0,0.0,0.09238863361517577,0.19552490324297328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836128758574376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779347300039277,0.2075501736882476,0.0,0.0,0.07530542064439251,0.0,0.10384046630574796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245598420638696,0.0,0.06616289306958993,0.07425906103005421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573380940821804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385137726715814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482803042278124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185904800695066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770977917758863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656772997952237,0.0,0.06910957450317502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207375981535584,0.0,0.3204045261272533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486718928978978,0.0,0.0,0.15502934042192812,0.05693424077189666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057590168401152574,0.07750150403597017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456067282686684,0.0,0.0,0.07108254799308356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257529712069659
suicidewatch,Plumule,2019/02/15,"Do it today or wait another day? I’ve had 2 glassens of wine so I feel less afraid. Could find the sleeping pills and draw a bath and hopefully pills + alcohol will mean I drown. Just found out my spouse since 16 years is in love with another woman and wants me to move out asap. I knew he had a mistress, what changed today was that he had a Skype conversation with her with me in the next room, so I got to hear all the kissing and babytalk and Irealized he’s gone from me.
I have no family and friends. He was my life. Only person to care about me is my dog, but he’ll be alright with spouse and newgirl too.",1.9034943181818211,3.522235031250002,3.1450568181818177,93.23971590909092,77.59375,6.842045454545455,23.35511363636364,7.686295010490155,0.8385687500000008,476,15,110,7,11,154,88,128,0.032,0.86,0.108,0.8176,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,6,1,12,8,1,0,1,26,25,11,1,3,3,2,1,0,1,2,4,1,2,2,3,13,2,1,5,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,2,13,6,14,12,2,12,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,2,5,64,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035284909829596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993977569292837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941720416357451,0.0,0.20146625476672095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520553618093972,0.0,0.0,0.12282169471896408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953521784206286,0.0,0.09629504731693243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740638818855638,0.0,0.0,0.208813834913344,0.14713784353112358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231679084621352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146460985826916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891555106121306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451740092397868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188464251887645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745115343921305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024135958200073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254111864193475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484250529116058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628980339098612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575386169310153,0.0,0.19058319632940401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610404325415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123297838089656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264076023027265
suicidewatch,Nagini007,2019/02/15,"Parents of reddit, would you forgive a son or a daugther that commits suicide, after fighting depression for years? Please... I need to know. I've been strugling with depression and anxiety for 10 years. I've tried it all... medication, psycotherapy, meditation, excercise, help groups, etc.  Last year I tried to kill myself, only to be mistreated by the ambulance and hospital staff, and to find my mother devastated waiting for me. I never wanted to see her like that. 
For those who haven't expecienced depression, please understand that the pain is out of description. When I'm saying ""I want to kill myself"", I'm just truly defeated by the non-ending pain. I just want the pain to stop, but I would never want my parents to hate me.

So please, I need to know... Would you forgive your child, if they tried to end their own life?",5.651525119617226,7.240794164473684,5.9464593301435436,77.04112440191388,67.8815789473684,9.47464114832536,30.92344497607656,9.800150414767053,3.0894789473684217,651,26,115,15,11,208,94,152,0.243,0.67,0.087,-0.9776,2,0,0,0,2,3,36.0,0,3,2,1,4,14,4,0,6,0,7,5,0,0,4,31,21,8,3,10,5,4,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,1,6,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,1,2,19,3,21,16,3,11,0,4,1,0,18,1,0,2,11,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787687601166401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29681762882401524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034852480770242,0.0,0.1281128060343451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499105885488297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341246049573744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699637695937765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541780160063888,0.0,0.12626145274132847,0.0936361294291036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811375927298945,0.05612072731506261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572160027379468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703524789971654,0.17719295873722193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873654421180306,0.3666961820419971,0.0,0.2551038442059696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782853571283555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135093982029983,0.0,0.0,0.09153822650320093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960382563137923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565148141942573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339719368316284,0.0,0.0,0.11958595345591608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710182678976897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448056265180214,0.0,0.0,0.22192168419769195
suicidewatch,BrokenThrowaway151,2019/02/15,"Stuck between needing to die and the impossible hope for better I want to end this miserable life. At the same time, I wish so badly that things were better and I'm too cowardly and procrastinating/stubborn to do what I should have done already. There's that saying ""a permanent solution to a temporary problem,"" but no, it really is a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

I can't stand to live this life and am constantly reminded of everything that's wrong, day in and day out. There are some solutions, but they are impossibly out of reach (thousands of dollars). And the urge to end it manifests physically now, a pain in my chest like when you hold your breath too long combined with nerves.

I'm scared. I wish for a saviour. This is not how life should have gone. And I can't deal with the constsnt suffering and anguish anymore. (I can't even write this out properly - this post is a mess)",6.0365869218500805,6.881262578947368,6.551089845826688,75.78267942583733,66.48538011695906,11.130462519936206,34.258904837852214,11.022393298168332,3.9460713450292406,715,32,135,21,11,233,103,171,0.212,0.665,0.123,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,1,2,9,14,0,3,11,0,16,6,2,1,0,30,25,13,1,9,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,12,13,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,10,0,1,4,1,11,4,21,19,2,18,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,2,10,95,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530187325602525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754276003856585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263837203677678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099096963802944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166722164246662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489833860991707,0.1637738662006064,0.0,0.0,0.16486775545704302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256514491427804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813990550735129,0.0,0.0,0.10492308554278146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276979606397572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778014605652474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366147001942276,0.07760916226477076,0.0,0.14027302007672082,0.14058282337107506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778993089731853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903429953904026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214041998601804,0.0,0.0,0.3040080432287417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176741120238264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263289028980584,0.15904286537104664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553706460421827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926303839016739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369755942357323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36535380205576623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736844224010923,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HardLithobrake,2019/02/15,"Depression is the most curious thing. For fear of making a short low-effort post, I've realized that depression truly is the most interesting beast.

​

When my parents (bless them) threatened to kick my 22 year old ass out today for being 8 months unemployed, I felt not horror and fear but only joy; them doing so would finally allow me to end my life with fewer regrets, knowing that my parents had given up on me.  I kept this concealed, of course, but even the act of having that thought is intriguing.

​

Now if California could ease up on the gun ownership laws, that would be great.",8.229999999999997,8.079237900900903,7.889864864864865,71.4466891891892,61.88288288288288,11.003603603603604,35.61711711711712,10.504223727775694,3.79531711711712,481,19,81,10,6,153,83,111,0.147,0.669,0.185,0.7957,5,0,0,1,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,0,4,9,0,2,5,0,11,2,1,2,0,21,17,6,0,5,4,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,5,1,10,4,13,7,2,16,1,3,0,1,4,6,1,3,8,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32836620627369634,0.3682519944152528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209846780811675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261025788056522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421093984786753,0.0,0.0,0.10008438669956556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410276103158296,0.0,0.0,0.14549292768477964,0.16599412425597562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670627786098182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327713384194048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703038849431168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114770512745794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209501034223162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900564338098264,0.0,0.0,0.11524568201078643,0.0,0.0,0.3365131085741148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512421692275068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067005111738543,0.0,0.0,0.12029819540390195,0.0,0.0,0.14363308200889768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528566829305185,0.0,0.3682519944152528,0.09758059643229366
suicidewatch,Starwarsnerd666,2019/02/15,"I need help Hi everyone.I am feeling suicidal lately the reason is because i am being bullied at school by half of my class,the always making of my name.I am to scared to tell my mom or the teachers because they might beat me up i am also not doing very well at school.I also  have anal itching  which makes it hurts as hell then i poop and its very embarissing i had it for a couple of months.Really bad luck also happends to me and my parents have been fighting alot.",1.385979381443299,3.57725857731959,3.2775360824742283,88.84104639175258,81.78350515463917,5.5294845360824745,22.07113402061856,6.742157984588678,0.6546750515463917,370,12,74,4,10,124,68,97,0.249,0.685,0.066,-0.9684,1,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,2,1,4,0,12,3,3,3,0,13,16,8,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,1,12,2,12,12,1,5,1,1,0,0,7,3,1,4,2,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42420104496713584,0.1471257600412964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763466036216658,0.21557178654172654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564444995060185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894038977336804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851658835555062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928606449648927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994570763225646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360532027978581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757470554853295,0.0,0.20708572440030126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110743275171516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633415548648814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125625306817,0.0,0.18179714136758865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770244843292397,0.35789612644419994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340890425932533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454569556360748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917847910913636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897955743242334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emotionallystarved,2019/02/15,Figuring out how to do it I'm going to buy a gun after I graduate. I want to minimize the mess and trauma to anyone that finds me so I just need a place. Somewhere no one will ever find me. I don't have an desire or will to start a career or plan about a future after college. I just want to get this over with. I just feel bad for wasting money on an education I'll never use.,1.0686919104991404,2.389624096385546,4.104165232358007,86.75662650602413,79.12048192771084,6.670567986230638,20.290877796901885,7.447530270364453,0.5730564543889849,292,7,65,4,7,106,59,83,0.224,0.7440000000000001,0.032,-0.9409,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,7,0,5,0,0,2,2,20,14,5,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,8,0,14,12,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,49,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059099070529413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458816568840968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663774398027293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889984813001994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.538305682375936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538556214184474,0.0,0.16736191935841974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835599252730206,0.2271240465749793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995498315856216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30767287389873604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843713618383367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543394363556298,0.0,0.0,0.3473883281781593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Okokok10,2019/02/15,"At this point I’m ready to end it all I’ve always thought about killing myself but now I really want to, but it would hurt my mom. I don’t want to be here in this world I feel alone. I’m trying so hard to keep it together but the more I’m here the more I just want to kill myself",-1.0629890109890106,0.6425299538461537,1.283736263736266,102.39769230769232,87.92307692307692,4.945054945054945,13.9010989010989,6.18269132825596,-1.0965824175824177,217,3,59,2,7,73,41,65,0.255,0.643,0.102,-0.9352,0,1,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,12,4,2,4,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,7,0,8,9,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451925494344284,0.0,0.0,0.19698769447426634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096824891163781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970349506862335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120736695373768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534364167825179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104265107815434,0.5238382593190056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772685041470541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379701360935506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166251419196128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879461173365696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160731776420685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189083892751251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817419969616312,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nama95,2019/02/15,"What reasons are there to keep going? Feeling like shit every single day, can't motivate myself to do the most basic things and I'm unable to build any friendships, so I'll live my life all by myself for as long as it lasts. Is there any reason left to keep going? I can't find a single reason",1.566775956284154,3.6516837377049214,3.2700819672131125,89.72566939890713,80.47540983606557,4.722404371584699,16.724043715846992,5.46131890053228,-0.4733300546448089,232,4,46,1,6,77,46,61,0.092,0.797,0.111,-0.1391,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,4,1,11,11,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,8,11,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765663438636091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114221905340828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713289137324344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281853069924796,0.14527138836793185,0.0,0.0,0.18585579510000533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113397172054506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614889380852992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575523168298514,0.0,0.0,0.2209374921258473,0.0,0.14363024788766202,0.09934524435217132,0.0,0.17955943665513066,0.17995600689349675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272248336337535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873313388421644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350949445317779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coldonewiththeboys,2019/02/15,"I just lost all my money ($2000) while i was drunk gambling, I think I’m going to kill myself, help I feel so fucking empty inside, like nothing matters. I hate myself and I can’t see the light anywhere, help. I feel extremely suicidal right now. Help",2.033200000000001,4.289483920000002,3.649999999999999,86.705,79.8,5.6000000000000005,24.0,6.742157984588678,0.9670000000000001,196,7,37,2,5,65,39,50,0.292,0.479,0.229,-0.5827,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,11,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,10,1,1,9,1,4,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,3,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725689171112215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491797841403524,0.0,0.0,0.15318234940490513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661089637763787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5419887549648617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981993696219037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316806683049551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942281349399506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586250846162277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23018051188751276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147836533500635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29482638302117603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270646532541298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nonononobon,2019/02/15,Everything is just dull. I just kind of feel numb all the time. I don't really like anything i'm doing at the moment. I mostly just do things so i can distract myself from thinking too much but i end up going into autopilot and thinking anyways.. I don't know why but i don't really feel like i control my thoughts most of the time and mostly they are either really weird or really dark. I try to occupy myself with hobbies and friends but it doesn't really work most of the time. I just want to be able to concentrate on something or listen to someone without getting bored after ten seconds. I haven't really felt suicidal lately or anything like that but i feel like i subliminally tell myself i should because i'm never really happy and i wish i could have the option to not have been born at all. I have been going around thinking alot these past couple of days thinking what would be the quickest way to kill myself. The weirdest. The most unique and funniest. Just stuff like that. And as i said i'm not really suicidal but the thought of it is growing on me and i'm beginning to feel like it would just be nice.. Like what would it feel like? Would everything just go black? Is there an afterlike. It's a blend of some morbid curiosity and me just wanting to get rid of my ADD brain. It would just feel nice i think.. ,2.3977185314685308,4.693340397727276,3.8798484848484884,85.33111888111891,78.73484848484848,7.0918414918414925,23.03263403263403,8.139509932561175,1.4321927738927736,1051,34,204,20,26,347,130,264,0.14300000000000002,0.731,0.127,-0.132,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,14,19,1,1,12,0,27,2,1,1,3,70,57,18,3,10,21,0,7,8,1,6,1,2,0,0,13,12,0,1,15,0,0,4,9,6,0,2,6,10,28,13,27,41,11,24,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,11,20,151,41,1,0.08797080825170779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447849591850325,0.0783126702384416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053626188194719315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820451570196212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986667417639463,0.07023753213917186,0.097338026099,0.0,0.05673389367896434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791602499176638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812498013234716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26688410327460577,0.25138545196967466,0.08446577158659746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796602823424439,0.0,0.09192223290061023,0.0,0.14998751285255174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364656119447548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732666537092102,0.09160805948145434,0.04834645557974912,0.0,0.099234903446625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438247466769757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646686661159335,0.0,0.06784851055202015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397809058069232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508508190986357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368038375976171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453738035560907,0.0677242260569981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070552861673084,0.19245157197484086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689036388232214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844389606149705,0.2818407091107139,0.0,0.13967799063443856,0.15388945720221264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972640424739643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377492390381267,0.06982713288613054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937997146324466,0.0,0.10116208799769152,0.08480071990903314,0.0,0.06404379613451283,0.0,0.0,0.31245969088109843,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awesomesauceitch,2019/02/15,"Suicide is not your friend Suicide reaches out its hand and says I’ll take care of you.

Reality check!  Suicide is trying to steal your life away from you.

I visit this sub maybe once every 6 months.  I choose to visit because I’m in the struggle and I have been for the past 5 years.  I like to see different perspectives on the subject of suicide.  However it seems too common for people in here to expect things to get better without doing anything to help their situation.  Doing the same things over and over, but expecting different results.  I end up being pushed away by the overwhelming amount of “why me” attitude, but they do nothing to change their situation.

It honestly frustrates the shit out of me.  Listen life sucks if you want it to suck.  Just like life is awesome if you want it to be.  It’s your choice.  If you don’t like something about your life change it.  People in general suck.  They can’t be trusted.  Fuck em!  If you were alone at your lowest point then do what you can to create a life you love by yourself and don’t let anyone in your circle when you are at the top.

Typically people want to kill themselves as they don’t want to suffer any longer.  Most people suffer because they are not being true to themselves.  They are not doing that one thing that they absolutely love to do.  They typically made unconscious decisions that pushed their lives in a direction that was not meant to be.  Work a soul sucking job for money.  Marry someone for the wrong reasons.  Bought a house because society told them to. Etc.  

You are what you think about most.  And if you don’t know how to control your thoughts you can get yourself into a terrible dark spot.

“Feeling Good” by David Burns is an awesome book on this subject.  If you truly want to get out of your situation you need to put some effort into it.  Read reviews on that book.  It will impress you.

In the end your thoughts are controlling your life.  And you have the control to change those thoughts.

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suicidewatch,cerrblerr,2019/02/15,My birthday is this weekend And all I want to do is lie in bed alone. Nothing seems enjoyable or worthwhile but sleeping. ,2.267246376811592,5.137618043478263,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,85.95652173913044,4.8057971014492775,33.7536231884058,6.42735559955562,2.2146927536231886,97,6,17,1,3,30,22,23,0.133,0.748,0.118,-0.0908,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,6,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070947805486709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698000025346261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457282506472234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899698508785476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28878835323430263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nexesr,2019/02/15,"I hate my life I'm transgender, and i've never felt so bad with my body like now. I hate my body, voice, personality, life and literally everything about myself. Being called by ""he"" pronouns and even by my name hurts me so much. I live in Poland, and i hate it too, its very conservative, christian country that hates LGBT, so im really in a bad position. I told my parents that im transgender when they saw my cuts but I feel like they don't care about me at all, they just pretend they didn't see my cuts, and me crying. I can't set any therapist appointment because i'm 15, and i can't search for help anywhere else right now. Honestly my only hope is going to pro-LGBT highschool in my town, but i don't feel like im going to live through 8 months of emotional pain. The only reason i didn't kill myself is because i'm scared that i'll live even after suicide attempt. If setting myself on fire granted me 100% chance of dying, i wouldn't mind the pain.",4.75762267343486,4.841838598984771,5.847017766497463,82.38223561759732,69.1015228426396,9.003214890016919,29.107021996615906,8.841846274778883,2.055247377326565,752,25,159,12,12,251,113,197,0.246,0.629,0.125,-0.9777,1,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,4,1,12,19,7,1,3,0,10,6,2,1,2,22,27,13,3,3,4,1,4,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,4,1,0,2,8,13,0,0,5,7,31,6,17,20,2,17,1,1,2,0,11,7,0,2,9,88,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397841830870706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166404248366133,0.13263024445792912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416741230028557,0.0,0.0,0.11108298114481993,0.0,0.11091488887536408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949664858606593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129030101607012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908769992478438,0.12236995166171538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370465783669062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777011697021737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001124963645956,0.15543391703900808,0.104451913430621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236515290069266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296158190709199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291716758525751,0.0,0.0,0.1080493476968467,0.0,0.0,0.11645799021009327,0.0,0.3525236338980384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035592921082765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367796980035744,0.15944248185072146,0.0,0.28818090293806503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984315725435022,0.0,0.08683219131766802,0.0,0.07997045179288963,0.0,0.08390270540902385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654737751476675,0.2315125985121549,0.0,0.12079431847438747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498800604268874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969129305581279,0.1118504405801213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290291065863687,0.0,0.0,0.10891406991740682,0.0,0.08668860102226181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899456168996075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630928560667715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394997701888056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976009521557353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carly-rae_sremmurd,2019/02/15,"I'm scared it's never going to get better No medication works for me, no therapy has worked, I'm just constantly getting more and more depressed and less and less functional. What's the point of trying? It's just exhausting and disappointing. Any time I reach out for help, I get the same shitty platitudes about exercise and staying hydrated and yoga - no one cares about me, they just google ""10 things to say to someone with depression"" and hope that fends me off. The world is a worse place for having me in it and I don't know how I'm supposed to want to keep going.",5.662321428571433,6.1843870178571425,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,67.21428571428572,9.971428571428572,29.392857142857146,9.957137785484203,2.66645,454,15,89,10,7,147,74,112,0.229,0.662,0.108,-0.9482,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,6,8,0,1,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,20,17,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,1,2,0,2,5,5,0,1,0,1,8,3,15,17,5,12,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,59,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261507788779933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724725664786027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882807666613506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073905923075048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359276839306513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056576951230543,0.0,0.2216600128130753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307126602561942,0.0,0.0,0.19369125466767048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733359273223833,0.0,0.0,0.10717368158983688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964544153664798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040553809062973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321454079747641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374638816305654,0.0,0.18434969406602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508163932329794,0.19524137167817965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523332213248595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078572063286816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301360532493134,0.0,0.12955753285848035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137132632126959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240057734444494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502333023287252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839426109904838,0.0,0.19873423397568726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sole_throwaway,2019/02/15,"Feeling Better is So Close, but Still Too Far Away. So I'm going to die instead. I'm autistic. 
I'm not attempting to be self-derogatory; I mean that I literally have autism. I'm at this awkward point on the spectrum where I recognize that most of my thoughts and behaviors are neurologically atypical, but I can't stop or change them. It's torture to be acutely aware of something but have no way to remedy it- I'm sure other people on here might be able to relate.

With my ASD comes a cloud of depression, sleeping and eating problems, obsessions and compulsions, anger issues, problems with sensory processing, and intense separation anxiety, among other things. 

I started college this past Fall. I hated it because I hate school, but being separated from my fiancé (a mystery as to why he would want to marry me, but whatever) was just exacerbating my ASD problems and the like.

I worked on-campus at a food service job. A man who was more than twice my age sexually harassed me over a period of 3 months, eventually sexually assaulting me at the end of November 2018. My managers knew about it and didn't take any action. One of my superiors actually encouraged me to never tell anyone. The next morning, I had an active plan to commit suicide. 

It's too much to type out, but obviously I was prevented from taking my own life. After a long reporting process and agonizingly slow investigation, my co-worker was found guilty of sexual assault and harassment. It really fucking sucks to have to relive the event in excruciating detail over and over again, because so many different coordinators, investigators, and counselors require you to give your account of what happened. 

Another short time skip, and I'm sitting here waiting for the beginning of March to come because I am transferring to my fiancé's school (I should be happy about that, right?) but they are on a trimester schedule instead of a semester schedule, so I can't begin school there until this term is over and the next one begins. 


Last weekend, my fiancé drove here to visit me because one of my cat's was dying and I was having a horrible time adjusting and staying calm. Once again, another long story condensed down, my fiancé got in a car accident on the way back to school and now his car is undrivable. Thankfully, he and the other drivers are physically unharmed. But my fiancé and I don't have the money to repair his car, and neither of our families have the means to help us. 

I'm at the end of my rope. I feel so guilty about my fiancé's car because he came here to visit me. It's my fault he was in that place at that time. My fiancé's parents already hated me, and now I put their son in physical danger, so they probably hate me more. I feel so useless. I've posted about my situation on other places before, but I made this throwaway because I've just taken a downward spiral and I'm sitting here stewing in everything that's wrong and I can't take it. 

I'm a freak. I only cause problems. I've probably put my fiancé in more debt than he is already in (his parents have been physically and emotionally abusive to him his entire life. Even as a child that could not work, they refused to support him and his oldest brother, while giving everything to his middle brother that they actually like. They also beat my fiancé as a child because he doesn't look or act the way that they want him to, and his father despises him because he thinks my fiancé acts ""too feminine"". It's a very weird religious and abusive situation that is hard to explain. My fiancé and I actually met at our strictly religious high school, which was a hell of an experience all on its own. I thought once I graduated I would escape, but since my fiancé's family is so deeply rooted in that specific sector of religion, it still consumes me). I also feel guilt and bad feelings over what happened at my previous college. It just gives me nightmares.

Besides all of that, I'm fed up with having to try different medications to control my moods and feelings. Nothing works. Over the years, I have tried over 30 medications and combinations of meds. I've been crying everyday for months. I'm just so tired. I miss my fiancé and I'm terrified everyday that something bad might happen to him and I'll never see him again.

I feel so alone. I wish I could just disappear or stop existing. My fiancé is due home a week from tomorrow. He has a week of spring break and then he goes back to school, and I'm supposed to start school there at that time, too. But I don't know if I can make it. Though my fiancé will be home in 8 days, it is very unlikely his family will allow him to leave his house so we can see each other, and without his car, he won't be able to just leave anyway. I can drive to his house and try to pick him up, but they probably won't allow him to leave.


I know that in the big picture we would get to be together in a few weeks, but I just can't be optimistic right now. I feel like a burden and I'm just shutting down. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I have a really bad habit of cutting myself, too, and I want to cut just a little too deeply. Or go back to experimenting with drugs and overdose. 


I wanted this post to be concise and organized, but it's turned into a long, jumbled, horrible mess. To my fiancé, I love you and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done. 
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suicidewatch,BadWaterTwentyOne,2019/02/15,How do you know when to take yourself seriously? I've been having dangerous thoughts for a while but haven't acted on them. How do I know I actually will? How do I know I won't?,0.5486842105263143,2.5926215000000035,3.3307894736842094,88.10302631578949,84.0,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.1939263157894728,139,5,32,3,4,49,27,38,0.123,0.877,0.0,-0.4479,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,3,0,8,13,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,3,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.4423772258759125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7474023325974021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34084199424426703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598873132160753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bodmon48614,2019/02/15,"It's that time again I've once again set a date, practiced my method, and am ready to commit.

I've started cutting myself again, as a reminder that I can never live and be happy. 

I'm so ready, nothing feels as good as this. This is how I'll exact my revenge against all those who wronged me. This is my chance at peace.

Hope I have the strength to do what's right when the time does come.",2.8073577235772333,3.7610395731707342,3.1229268292682946,97.01455284552848,74.0,5.466666666666668,24.642276422764226,3.1291,0.0022617886178863955,303,9,71,0,6,93,59,82,0.11,0.647,0.243,0.9061,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,4,10,12,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,7,11,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25074666792232114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25473320309932623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471829156841674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441509310029293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098687501716822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891162146479927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570361708709187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450512755192287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279306932179273,0.0,0.0,0.3099993813957577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485876910128688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603369194578372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33947168416802004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182591980231613,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicholoki,2019/02/15,"suicide note etiquette? i couldnt find any advice like this with a google search (gave me a helpline number) so i made a reddit account- i hope this is the right subreddit. keeping it brief, im very depressed and dont have the energy or will to keep going on anymore; i dont want to keep dragging down the few people i hold dear, but ive been advised that saying nothing is going to hurt them more than leaving some last thoughts

​

are there any particular yes-es for writing a suicide note, or a checklist of sorts? and how long should it be? ",6.622966360856267,6.251773146788992,6.434449541284405,81.28757645259941,65.23853211009174,8.734556574923548,34.68042813455658,7.793537801064563,2.4643932721712547,439,18,85,4,6,138,82,109,0.175,0.775,0.051,-0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,8,0,12,0,0,2,0,21,22,7,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,4,2,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,4,1,8,3,9,14,3,8,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,5,3,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528735587588033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218151654434116,0.1930959570670522,0.2161317595853929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759839751014393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368710153056756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724882932366008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452430525816844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062715553183054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783586736285238,0.0,0.0,0.17011900847117362,0.0,0.17165265904955676,0.0,0.0,0.4237459220502309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953481390271918,0.0,0.16826528405407135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763657055416881,0.0,0.0,0.14063247130689746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036675307034972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248073151015507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101698476470344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571031937629616,0.0,0.1263735169491437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347648741175057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261586931081863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111937077742974,0.09373064945765723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930959570670522,0.0
suicidewatch,RyanPennie9300,2019/02/15,"I’m a lot better now Well I made Two different posts over a year ago now about how I wanted to die and end it all but I am happy with where I’m at right now I’m working with the NHS and I help with dementia and Alzheimer’s and I love it. Thanks to those people who helped me though those nights, where I felt my lowest. 😊😊",-0.6083219178082189,1.2543221917808258,1.3851883561643843,101.38408390410959,87.35616438356165,4.745890410958904,14.60445205479452,5.985473137389443,-1.0201219178082197,252,4,65,2,8,83,50,73,0.073,0.653,0.273,0.9509,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,14,9,7,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,8,5,8,7,2,13,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,7,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508653903362845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461897754885836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011498729551795,0.2417217907542974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049161473286159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221417288227095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462868521921288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101512482871523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669386277599946,0.20881128882476324,0.21891827500457292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711553744140866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039578239161406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157877330716644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975800395468985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300505683741308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730986848500526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600494614139985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646202817672445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080202816920516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843271927142694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898815176765795
suicidewatch,wet-banana,2019/02/15,Why not try #4 It’s been years since the last time I sat at the edge of a bridge. Things only seem to get worse and worse despite me doing my best to pick up all the pieces of this broken life. I told myself after trying a 3rd time and it didn’t work that it’s not worth it. Nowadays it’s hard to tell which is less worth it killing myself of enduring the constant pain and loneliness.,2.8073577235772333,3.7610395731707342,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,74.0,6.442276422764228,20.98373983739837,6.42735559955562,0.03957886178861792,303,6,70,2,6,96,59,82,0.267,0.688,0.045,-0.9558,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,8,8,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,6,1,9,4,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,44,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335494376337724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404943396341176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162716676111699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935847715661226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462153785569359,0.0,0.0,0.1814055787847011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571915889742985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925708794063687,0.23680579119421574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259850962657935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409325001896693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451596310750432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785039576032827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595379920912871,0.0,0.0,0.21265327857554295,0.0,0.3021897272566164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008141309390943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620169297837013,0.0,0.4535889885542499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331302746852326
suicidewatch,Ne0c0rtexx,2019/02/15,"My sister tried to commit suicide yesterday I just don’t know how to feel or what to do... I’m 31 and she’s 26. She has a 3 year old daughter and has just recently split with her fiancé of 2 years. Her boss fired a few people recently and assigned her the work of all the people he fired so she stopped turning up. She rents my house from me so I told her straight away to forget about the rent until she’s back on her feet. (She lives in Aus and I currently live in the U.K.)
So her ex was supposed to pick up the last of his stuff and drop his key off Thursday night (Valentine’s Day) and I’m assuming it was this that triggered her response. My dad went over that evening and her car was in the drive but she wasn’t answering the door, dad eventually broke a window to get in and found her unconscious. She was rushed to hospital and my dad assumed she had taken a bunch of tablets as there were packets everywhere. I found out morning time for me because of the time difference and it was literally less than an hour before I had to start my shift at work. I had no idea what I was supposed to do so I just carried on to work but broke down when I got there and they sent me home. I tried calling and messaging my sister all day hoping I’d just hear something back. I was told she would be ok and would be monitored over night. She hasn’t responded to any of my messages or calls, begging her to tell me if she’s ok and begging her to stay around because it would literally turn my world upside down. It’s now the next day and my dad has taken her back to the house and helped her have a tidy up and get settled. Instead of messaging me back she’s made a Facebook post for everyone saying she’s sorry for last night and for everyone not to worry. I’m just so upset about the whole thing and also frustrated she would put me through all this and not even speak to me. I know I shouldn’t think like that but I’m just a mess of emotions. I’ve asked her if she wants me to come over for a week just to hang out and have some company. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.",3.2081353805270534,4.058946919908472,4.137947885140623,90.50343323245,72.93592677345538,7.5609064737580285,25.996087694692555,7.831003766801068,1.1790515833763933,1632,52,371,21,31,527,199,437,0.084,0.872,0.044,-0.9446,3,0,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,1,3,29,9,1,1,20,2,30,1,1,5,4,74,60,38,1,9,17,8,3,1,0,5,0,3,5,0,14,26,0,2,11,0,2,8,8,5,0,0,22,6,64,4,60,31,8,63,0,2,0,0,57,22,0,8,31,253,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408946694864461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300287723329889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247513225071958,0.08661208146329863,0.0,0.08704454735862609,0.28495812205465154,0.0,0.11295303684563693,0.0,0.07883544817890553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920511099795265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980685792164519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924821245492348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679599699082247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042149753650568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238443484635347,0.0,0.0,0.17705562758034676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684491378421304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316446932668905,0.0,0.0,0.0968080681220064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409796385056891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441947184604376,0.0,0.0620990751438269,0.0,0.09293211180546204,0.09201899613040583,0.0912382564977874,0.2138035164162331,0.0,0.10458675474585664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274847501634733,0.1510387181117049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526245779724102,0.0,0.16361732213146632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766447006061644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853072930440453,0.26082772483927297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972170407606987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845899925919915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872985016097194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313544026557326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829547166231188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367630920287216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132389284673814,0.0,0.10371030376954896,0.06557575307554246,0.0987489677716896,0.0,0.07745672109557533,0.0,0.0,0.1060582121099282,0.10134036294610033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097722770392238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155029629615651,0.05936421191301033,0.0,0.0,0.10804597600958614,0.0,0.0,0.17705562758034676,0.0,0.12580194428732291,0.20154583249311014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054645375692182696,0.0,0.07431552860811516,0.0,0.0,0.08588434308010308,0.0,0.1034366404043884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023435239770154,0.09408713776091608,0.0,0.2632539970860314,0.0,0.0,0.11932276891684443
suicidewatch,anonuser09291,2019/02/15,"I'm a bad person and I deserve to die People have been good to me in life. I've had the fortune of wonderful friends and family. 

But I'm a horrible person. It's not just that I am a loser and a lazy fuck who doesn't want to face the hard stuff. 

Worse than that, I actively do bad things. I lie. I cheat. I mistreat others. I'm rude and thoughtless. 

I shouldn't be alive, but if I kill myself it will just be the last awful thing I do to the people who, for whatever reason, love me. 

I don't deserve to be alive. I hate myself. I hate everything that I do and everything about myself. ",-0.009714285714284898,2.052884240000001,2.5241428571428557,92.8685,86.6,5.8114285714285705,18.52857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.2782571428571425,450,12,102,7,14,155,70,125,0.361,0.541,0.098,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,6,0,8,1,14,4,1,1,0,15,23,8,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,2,1,18,3,10,16,0,2,0,1,0,2,6,1,1,2,1,72,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30636012853623795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904008092744688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297610819674756,0.0,0.17294821073888306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173947082110372,0.16960429398957766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538761649591356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434265215628852,0.3622542902611167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296948938832385,0.0,0.0,0.1495430460677328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958206240913084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557832905677142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543738490924674,0.32037752042489465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862574499872586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001592568716676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376315979301025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820849165948207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895276136179854,0.0,0.0,0.1869597381337676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,83728,2019/02/15,"I am my abusers Every choice I make, the way I look and talk and walk. I'm becoming them. I can give myself the end that they deserve and never have to deal with the memories again.",0.7965789473684204,2.9020873421052684,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.47368421052632,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.3433999999999999,141,4,32,2,4,46,30,38,0.101,0.899,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,3,22,9,0,0.0,0.3922802991694203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656561713708007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341332977768026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932420771324357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27895247730587125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176058592623782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780271023734945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210010836849539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553523253620657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26611270905565765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26279900046101323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LadyJsPrimrosepath,2019/02/15,The desire is getting stronger. I've been struggling with seeing my success in the future. I honestly don't see the point in trying to live anymore due to the fact that I'll never reach my goals I had set since I was 4. Because of that I feel worthless. I feel if I can't do what I feel I was put on this Earth to do and everyone else thinks I'm not worthy then I don't see the point in being alive. I'm just wasted space & air. I can't keep my drive going. I try to start something and very quickly I lose all inspiration or energy. Why did my mom have to go through with my birth. I wish I was aborted,1.447499999999998,2.8030554166666697,3.3036363636363646,92.75045454545456,78.16666666666666,6.012121212121213,22.60606060606061,6.574015621080383,0.3683696969696975,473,14,110,4,11,159,84,132,0.114,0.716,0.17,0.8147,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,5,0,15,0,0,0,3,19,30,5,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,6,6,19,3,13,23,1,20,0,2,3,0,1,8,0,2,7,66,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448766702986936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780153019589676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094212481475422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994882541676327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151949431748545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27228106895280485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378109646700844,0.0,0.20402744026580966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595474308102185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850137460801778,0.0,0.0,0.20081406117867204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022768146918766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384411042343076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393701526652307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804466069302242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291136593823767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848386708177985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381875086492304,0.0,0.0,0.12705069204198302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765188350671025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501605170109593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437367980131145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810591192789005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619704075159276,0.0,0.20641560227487726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mallozzin,2019/02/15,u/Luna7890 last post 11 hours ago claiming they decided to go through with suicide attempt I dont know what to do?? Who do I contact I can't get any info I dont know what city they are in or what state/province/territory! ,0.8072340425531905,2.9446752553191518,2.8887659574468114,91.09400000000002,83.68085106382979,5.4621276595744686,28.54893617021277,6.742157984588678,1.3598714893617023,175,9,38,2,5,59,35,47,0.125,0.875,0.0,-0.7312,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528091505701163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939431398108196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6684954517712817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900320044969592,0.0,0.16208352602200365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28086072752711444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134726555030781,0.2324729005241619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731390452445437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311958263533826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArizonaRanger0,2019/02/15,"Pretty done M(25) Some background:

My life has been extremely difficult, as has many of yours, I have no doubt about that. My father is a drug addict, my mother was extremely violently abusive throughout my childhood, and then in high school, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I have 4 younger siblings, and I had to really step up and take care of them / her, in a place I felt like I didn't belong and where no one cared.

None of my family ever believed me or gave a shit about the abuse. Even now, as an excuse, I'm told ""well you were a difficult child"". I was a difficult child because I didn't want to go to school, and because I felt like the only people in the world who were obligated to love me didn't. Anyway, fast forward a while, I went through a ton of shit, was in the Marines briefly, got kicked out, had to strike out into the world and really take care of myself with no help and no outside support. I've seen some truly terrible things.

Even with all that, I graduated college (with some debt of course) and survived through all of it. I worked my ass off, I've basically worked in the capacity of a full time job and school, or two jobs when not in school, since I was 15. Now 25, I met this girl when I was 23. Things were really great for a while, she's now 22. I felt like I finally had something real, someone who loved me for the person I am in spite of all the hell my circumstances have brought me. 

So, I let my guard down, I open up, I put my faith and my trust in her. She lies to me, manipulates me, and cheats on me. I pack up my shit, and move across the country for the 3rd or 4th time, I can't even remember how many times I've done it. To my grandparents house to, start over / hang on, until I go to law school in August. It's not that far away, and I know that, but Jesus fucking Christ, if I'm not ready to eat a bullet. I feel so unbelievably alone, and I'm sick of being taken advantage of for my kindness and understanding. I'm still paying my rent on the lease I had with this girl, even in spite of all the shit she did, I'm still trying to be supportive and upstanding, but I'm 25 and I'm so fucking tired of every minute that I'm awake and alive. I just can't fucking take it anymore and I'm passed the point of knowing what to do about it.

 I just want someone in the world to love me who isn't obligated to, someone who cares about me, for the person I am, and who wants to knuckle down and work through shit even when life gets hard. Instead I feel stripped to the core of my soul and exposed to the void, like the only thing holding me back from falling out into the abyss, is the sheer force of will I have to have taken me this far, but fighting against the urge to let myself go is debilitating. I'm so far passed my fucking limit, and I wish someone would do me the service, of blowing my fucking brains out, or hitting me with their car. Literally anything to take me out of this waking nightmare. ",6.836753491023082,5.046646447933885,7.115793673411229,81.20347107438019,65.51239669421489,10.328298660587064,32.92818466799657,8.939507131559953,2.408113137646053,2291,73,505,30,29,747,264,605,0.138,0.76,0.101,-0.9596,5,1,2,0,3,1,81.0,0,2,2,6,30,40,16,1,33,0,43,25,8,2,5,80,98,45,0,6,13,2,6,4,0,2,8,0,1,6,23,37,1,3,9,0,3,14,14,21,1,2,32,7,75,19,91,59,10,78,5,0,1,9,32,43,12,9,27,344,98,14,0.0,0.15178713261214105,0.0,0.06982836118385248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634067046224944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352439844094114,0.0,0.0,0.0527110193152957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060180881568408826,0.04925360495205019,0.0,0.07809349970185987,0.0,0.0,0.07216697129685637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150549550385223,0.0,0.0,0.261229461702986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501350492881021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109904937067196,0.0,0.0,0.07428235362259128,0.06554327670601715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115354552008925,0.05794054870983127,0.05396829353266208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603844507150928,0.0,0.0647752971111445,0.0,0.18450577778148486,0.0701680727495805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960846512296189,0.033465593534042125,0.0,0.109210165634958,0.0,0.05122986932862042,0.07061980811539953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737984068827341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293407456461447,0.067676612835377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390976511913341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712750719205168,0.0,0.0,0.06670242848350895,0.07040485332826442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099919673920382,0.09048652920634173,0.12517427891114993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343382289473125,0.0,0.0,0.129881491067335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807931027554827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043404677008637836,0.09743197159120856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044407007994212204,0.11185903866637267,0.06692284132629778,0.0,0.060551774368920015,0.0,0.0,0.06516598918504464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439200467493301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290752371222006,0.12310397969301885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256074369521309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32413055405046004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287527713228963,0.0529861659686361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709112978316691,0.049311931403616636,0.0,0.0,0.04533778104835368,0.0,0.10230728235113963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453755369730648,0.0,0.0,0.19264267369478785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766397911077382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205128207605647,0.07362069925742144,0.0,0.0612063826958209,0.0,0.04348849031886358,0.0,0.06257149221996852,0.06668251735098674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334220175480825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759227689356111,0.05937873923554925,0.0,0.0,0.07365898784565471,0.0,0.0,0.13989631771447772,0.0,0.0,0.04550215407454433,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,potatobrowser,2019/02/15,"i took every single one. i took all of my pills. eight xanax and twelve tramadolnnn i’m laying down right now and i can sort of feel this calm warm feeling creeping into my legs and arms and chest. 

i want some people to say goodbye to. 

don’t try to make me feel better, pl hf please, i just need some epeo to talk to a bit. ",-0.05228260869565205,2.072594695652178,1.2838949275362346,101.2197554347826,87.55072463768116,3.45,14.422101449275365,3.1291,-1.4771028985507244,250,4,59,0,8,79,52,69,0.0,0.815,0.185,0.8599,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,5,3,1,1,16,11,4,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,5,8,3,9,9,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,1,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194372850963948,0.2739709809230351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143509973433489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38066160263323534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751020324902066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860752783473472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004933103367015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397622844007912,0.0,0.0,0.2754663097625781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143088152497972,0.0,0.19956447542670508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170305610178124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576264697801138,0.17037769189977606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801604277539646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Remlethal_ES,2019/02/15,"My friend told me that telling her about my attempt was "" emotional manipulation"" Last night I was having a bad time, a nice panic attack after bring told I'm being let go. I reached out to a friend and asked her to talk, something to just get my mind off things for a few moments, let the brain breath. She was annoyed and said we can text but as I was texting her she got more and more annoyed that I wasn't talking about anything ""important"", I couldn't keep it in very well and started breaking down about what I was going through and she just sort of, brushed it aside. Since she wasn't responding I started getting more and more emotive and fantastical I'm my words because I didn't think they were even being read.

She was, and before I get torn apart by comments yes, I know that I was wrong to get so emotional about it and start talking hyperbolicly, I was falling apart and I didn't k ow what i was saying till I read it back later on

I don't know what to do and she's got it I'm her head that I made up the panic attack to just lose it on her. I don't know what to do but I want out.  I want my friend back, I want to be understood. I'm trying so hard, seeing a therapist regularly but I needed her to talk just once and it was too much I guess. Maybe. I was asking for too much I was being extreme maybe. I don't know how to fix this and I'm so deeply alone now. Another ""friend"" said I'm not alone and tried to compare what she went.through to what's going on but I don't see them as similar. I'm so empty and I just want out, is that so bad?",1.3329506545820742,3.0474165800604247,2.937169184290031,93.65610624370596,79.5740181268882,5.863484390735147,21.90946626384693,6.742157984588678,0.3157552064451159,1212,36,280,12,30,399,147,331,0.152,0.753,0.095,-0.9713,0,2,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,2,2,22,16,4,2,7,1,33,3,3,3,0,49,75,28,0,6,10,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,20,19,0,1,6,2,0,5,10,10,1,0,25,7,50,6,35,43,7,31,0,1,2,0,34,12,0,2,13,190,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220328569829025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223535960900496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238486470541519,0.0,0.16446435940919554,0.2001379340202654,0.0,0.13527401203844924,0.14688844803073958,0.05362054731363524,0.0,0.07484880437248605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819418567453256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968347291974848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809777729216399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718355158432117,0.0,0.18382512739950926,0.0,0.14997173582732248,0.0,0.1407017814642117,0.0,0.09689956937206763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879627559836817,0.0,0.09027393202822842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818427140396704,0.0,0.0,0.1933654802722508,0.0717004071503397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179893298510616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840648001158893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323134987568273,0.0,0.0,0.1767384090592421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881609522335228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932372737693673,0.06522237825098548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254596040396946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367618499767716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064078641223564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597071668577433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734316302031324,0.06995055881331493,0.0,0.0,0.14018794134520335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276270701495319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771710221846773,0.0,0.0,0.1867789234504433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28280066296378426,0.07688227586760818,0.0,0.0,0.10213014463940992,0.05843774841090185,0.056362212517904436,0.0,0.0,0.051291089911884025,0.0,0.0,0.16810207004512406,0.0,0.1194402433822879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257749470423036,0.2075280158622659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908800143061404,0.08154124245319101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617215162493876,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElderLong,2019/02/15,"Had a breakdown again Been in the military for just over four years, and ive been getting progressively worse. I figure its just the job, but I find myself having existential issues as well. I wake up and bellow about how angry I am to still be here and still get ready and go to work. With less and less energy, I eventually just let things pile up. So eventually the shit hit me and I just couldnt care more or less. I walked into the office to get screamed at, and in front of the master sergeant in charge of the office, I just bared my teeth while crying in anger. No sobbing, no hard breathing, just anger. Of course there was the "" ive been there, its gets better, i can relate, what about god, youre worth it."" To which I replied "" yea i know you had it rough, i used a rifle for a chinrest before they took it away, don't preach to me."" While I really want it all to be over, I'm too afraid of pain and failure to cut my neck or wrists, and the idea of my neck breaking isn't great either. I also have a dog to take care of and I'm worried about him and dying with the guilt of my family, though I am sire theyd get over it. What now?",2.941671178931827,3.744322025104605,3.96407088358356,91.68244892936256,73.51882845188284,6.9624415456559205,20.753384198867828,7.048011613610866,0.18680684223480126,880,16,205,8,17,285,138,239,0.231,0.6809999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.991,1,0,0,1,1,0,32.0,0,2,2,4,22,14,4,2,13,1,20,8,7,2,1,33,36,21,1,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,14,0,0,4,0,1,4,5,9,1,1,7,3,29,5,35,23,6,24,1,1,0,0,5,12,2,2,7,149,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291752038000034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176242464429374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744983605069688,0.0,0.0,0.14285985002295068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329380489811401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743273712480676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676422758251232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227577949185298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763517494834433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42196287961596535,0.0,0.09180102329633348,0.0,0.0,0.1780870108279335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469883992405452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234731488136524,0.0,0.16859498925513633,0.1602932544991029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877247199908199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165175012441431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187893768963014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348003083746568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580786583453475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579955763979319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145019517804607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731312284265344,0.0,0.15870206228916656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946538606103166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950975593233034,0.0,0.0,0.09527437343635234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523455546620806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759550996841575,0.1640412017493624,0.16461251455729306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401979949118842
suicidewatch,throwaway723481,2019/02/15,"My girlfriend committed suicide, and I'm worried I'll end up doing the same My girlfriend of over 5 years committed suicide a few days ago, and I feel like I'm fucking dying inside. On one hand, I feel so much emotional pain that it's killing me, but on the other hand, I also feel so numb and empty and lost. I can't process it.

I wanted to propose to her. The worst part is that the reason she did it was because she was being sexually abused by a ""friend"" of mine for years, but kept it a secret from everyone because she was being blackmailed by him. 

I feel like it's my fault. I should have realised. I should have stopped it from happening. I can't believe I let that piece of shit anywhere near her. I feel so much guilt that it's driving me crazy.

My head is a mess. I haven't left the house for days. I haven't spoken to anyone. I've been ignoring all the phone calls and text messages from my family and friends because I can't bear talking about it because I don't want to acknowledge that it's reality. I haven't opened the door to anyone who's tried to come and visit me.

I can't sleep properly, I've practically been starving myself. I just keep thinking that I wanna die. In the shower, I wanna drown. In the kitchen, I wanna take a knife and just end it. I can't take this feeling. I just want her back, I love her so much, and I don't know what I'm going to do without her.

I hate everything right now. And that evil fucking son of a bitch is probably gonna get off free and not even gonna go to prison because I don't have any good evidence. 

Everything's just a mess, and I feel like I'm not fully in control of my own actions at the moment. I don't want my family to find me dead, but I feel like it's what's gonna end up happening if I can't get my shit together. Sorry for the long post ",3.272391608391608,3.796183101298702,4.774090909090912,87.20882867132867,72.53246753246755,7.897102897102897,27.275224775224785,8.012643519586192,1.4888721278721275,1414,48,316,19,26,476,174,385,0.255,0.643,0.102,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,1,3,40.0,0,0,0,2,13,26,8,1,18,0,32,12,6,2,3,57,69,21,7,10,11,1,10,4,4,5,2,0,3,0,23,14,1,5,14,0,1,6,16,17,0,1,8,10,54,10,38,53,10,34,0,1,0,3,22,14,5,1,17,206,77,0,0.0,0.10384489225546058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769192879359924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008960671381519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960154754766369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225667245714556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739352949644635,0.0,0.26713763290837783,0.0,0.0,0.09874580578413962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949525731695691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549833350360967,0.0,0.0,0.09830122456549424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304743874797002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819231684648057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858873248595283,0.2328821404163883,0.0,0.0,0.05788863963766429,0.0,0.0,0.08374847204782905,0.15753919612134232,0.0,0.16524765098335908,0.0,0.3545272189315581,0.2504541786298152,0.0,0.0,0.08010586432110961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354284875498043,0.16205262291370814,0.0915817011627155,0.0,0.09962124973656328,0.07351239626357191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500821744156348,0.0,0.0,0.08653120819889909,0.08994896816064522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113046426715214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790282732981656,0.09696611257040218,0.0,0.04816735307081176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522645639408872,0.08962286352490452,0.0,0.17127551305549335,0.0,0.0,0.0775629915883032,0.0,0.0,0.09567477788481248,0.0,0.07910295750816235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328729083064505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059390462548134765,0.0,0.09326036879110547,0.0,0.0,0.09491090181207083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393960110239458,0.0,0.094496041940593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011356967169178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484827836992819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993249113649584,0.0,0.0,0.08770821092616804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981113065426228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327507326640123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173862292870505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179613679611038,0.07044566259943268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615932246809873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950514399734831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067809662417245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448657026738363,0.0,0.0,0.08900766538193856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288090318131347
suicidewatch,ziggyTHEdog,2019/02/15,"I'm going to kill myself in 22 minutes.   

I will always love you.

Enjoy the Disney passes.

Love, \_\_\_\_\_\_\_

P.S.

 

The Chest pain is not heartburn,

The depression is not temporary 

The help never came.

​

I pray our newborn son Julian will never have to deal with this suffering. 

II will always love you \_\_\_\_\_\_\_. Always.",1.6398214285714268,4.220111910714287,2.8190000000000026,84.82600000000002,99.53571428571428,4.382857142857144,18.1,6.2581,0.5002485714285712,241,7,38,3,10,77,40,56,0.199,0.565,0.236,0.6063,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,4,0,6,6,1,0,2,6,12,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,6,4,4,8,0,6,1,2,0,3,10,1,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866594765693999,0.21123580700949646,0.2368940705132289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297884865469594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099208644876554,0.16791616170286155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079854485069007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067555456799682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156910137353072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278688598145695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007256842844285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744797282944955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368940705132289,0.0
suicidewatch,PLE75566,2019/02/15,"I am so severely deformed I don't even look human. I am frightened of leaving my hometown I am from a city in England scientifically known to have ""100% ugly people"".  I have seen people from other English cities and they all look like supermodels to me.  In addition to that, my city is also famous for high teenage pregnancy, high rate of inbreeding, rude locals, UKIP voters, extreme feminism, and other things.  

It also has a rival ""underrated"" town where all the women look better (look at Castle On The Hill video, the women in that video were most likely born there).  The rival town is better at football, has no teenage pregnancies, has a lower crime rate (the criminals are also from other parts of the country, mainly my hometown), and MUCH kinder people.

I feel like I deserve to die for being born in my scummy hometown and I am a scrounger and a burden on society for existing.  If I exit my disgusting herion filled hellhole I will be mocked for my deformed nose, double chin, FUPA, cellulite and bingo wings and overall non-human appearence.  I am such a coward for not wanting to die and instead suck off resources from all the normal cities in this country,",8.65591758708581,8.093598313084115,8.594468988954969,68.09517841971115,61.19626168224299,10.211724723874255,36.744265080713674,9.339509955726095,3.5800897196261685,925,37,145,13,11,301,124,214,0.197,0.743,0.059,-0.9854,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,9,10,4,0,13,0,18,1,1,0,3,20,27,13,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,7,19,5,27,22,8,21,0,0,5,0,4,17,1,3,5,113,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36810543781357097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714013530548188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31848234812523035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134228662109786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758128205470544,0.10961390401908948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242247352338365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246537639389866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488158614395976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5153865994629789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279228619052455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503335983554806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615501547643294,0.0,0.31911726532043666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333773313232312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193531189958256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049986353031328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shinynewacc,2019/02/15,i am alone and fked i have no food/wont get paid for a month for so im not going to be able to afford rent so im probably going to be kicked out of my house and i dont know what to do. ,-2.700212765957445,-1.4339371914893582,1.1313191489361714,103.69400000000002,91.12765957446808,4.611063829787233,11.527659574468085,5.6839178017228535,-1.6073625531914888,140,1,43,1,5,52,33,47,0.102,0.898,0.0,-0.4939,2,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,26,5,0,0.2619505486430974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27130176824222324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30700409210382323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167516432028263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368583500558322,0.0,0.2977450668932693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30225576298024626,0.0,0.0,0.5659030869487542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439611709355707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090864287729104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824269962799371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatismineisyours,2019/02/15,"Just tired. I've been living in the shadow of the noose for quite some time. I normally can keep it in check but it takes a lot of energy to maintain that, and I've run out of energy.

I've had an attempt before, for me it was the right choice at the time. I still think it was, and do think ending my life would be what's best. 

I'm just tired.",1.2643859649122788,2.2881036842105296,3.0131578947368425,96.02043859649126,77.94736842105263,6.64561403508772,16.614035087719298,7.1686216300943375,-0.3641070175438599,264,3,67,3,6,88,52,76,0.073,0.7879999999999999,0.139,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,6,0,8,3,0,0,0,13,13,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,1,10,7,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,4,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937254887862135,0.0,0.24588401874623225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075207826400008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825713386754907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549343899819066,0.0,0.0,0.2068917175432096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991939867886644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295648358987987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24920752289764975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009142751967451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871127574386219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616488800701144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002607206445592,0.0,0.0,0.2732451217151009,0.5385881327718478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644041993145905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cozydarkness,2019/02/15,"I guess I'm just not very lucky person. I am 19 y.o. male. Didn't have any real relationships with girls before, and probably not going to have any ever. I don't have people, who I can call friends without a doubt, and call them so even with it. For about a year and till now my only ""so-called friend"" is 17 y.o. girl who is living almost across the country and whom I met on the internet, and I don't even have money, urge and/or courage to visit her.

Changed 7 schools in 3 different countries in CIS, so sorry if my English is not top notch. My mom and dad divorced when I was about 11 y.o. Mom worked pretty much all day trying to earn money to feed us, and almost all time It was basically me, myself and I trying to figure out what to do. In schools, as I mentioned, I always was that ""new guy"", who was often mocked, insulted, etc.

One day I was on my way to home from school, and suddenly got robbed by at least 20-25 y.o. man, who got my phone and wallet and ran away. I cried until I got to home, and luckily, my mom was there. I told her everything, sitting near the front door on the floor, as I couldn't stand. You know what she said? ""Well, bad things happen"", and continued to watch TV, completely ignoring me.

 Already dropped one university and going to be expelled from another one due to ""not appearing for about 5 months"" or so, I suppose. I just don't see any reason, why I should go there. My specialization is ""PR and marketing"", and I hate advertising. You ask me why I got here then? Because I couldn't resist my mom's will. 

Well, I guess from this wall of text you may think my mom is a devil in the human being, but I kind of can understand her. That's one of mine many-many problems -  I'm just too kind, I think.

My first attempt was when I was 13 y.o. Tried to cut my veins, but didn't have courage to do it, and just made small scratch on my arm.
Second was when I was 15 y.o., and that time i thought about jumping off building. As you may guess, I was afraid again.
There weren't many attempts after, but there were constant thoughts about suicide for... months? Years? Well, now I feel like I have enough courage to try again. The only reason why I didn't kill myself yet is I don't know 100% reliable way to do it.

I guess I'm just not very lucky person.",2.4297763722611267,3.9179556866952803,3.499498531737068,91.81493336345154,75.82403433476395,6.62200135531963,22.77817935396431,7.273561745256523,0.6189407725321883,1754,49,392,20,38,565,233,466,0.08,0.8490000000000001,0.071,0.2872,1,0,0,0,1,2,93.0,1,4,1,6,34,25,5,2,9,0,46,3,2,3,3,71,78,35,2,5,16,6,2,1,2,4,0,1,3,8,16,21,1,1,11,1,2,8,16,11,3,6,27,5,61,14,53,43,6,58,1,0,2,0,43,18,0,15,28,255,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084879096854994,0.0,0.07760986755124161,0.0,0.05851941261632826,0.0,0.0,0.14347851930440506,0.0737461524623804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574817822054731,0.0,0.06607646781109765,0.0,0.05872182820860269,0.04287194275677292,0.0,0.059844850849818124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362766888823889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743988211365042,0.0,0.0737386822922183,0.07600072998138112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725317100554817,0.09071285221099913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734788998678543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266872005758382,0.07843549355642092,0.09290336287679092,0.06361666200304096,0.0,0.0,0.06320722509713451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03556048634526502,0.05024309516274108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982186327793537,0.0,0.0,0.1086721159924124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990887813798673,0.0,0.22499429874993948,0.0,0.3099015582199277,0.0696368274148747,0.062191756292751324,0.0,0.0,0.06943538737295703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109156473710827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780868577380262,0.14647378880957646,0.07730202521878937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03435922669996143,0.0,0.06210184926699167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654705791359618,0.0,0.1426052583495752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118427306588235,0.11227197087153264,0.0,0.051699951930429616,0.0,0.0,0.06792424526989371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062716719775555,0.10697683993379382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048757315576729916,0.12281724652732308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154993869389055,0.07582662271714065,0.06729541313867231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004986830047063,0.0,0.14461997579720556,0.0,0.0755070914953673,0.0,0.0,0.06689904211328163,0.0,0.0,0.21353029297481665,0.056043156006849205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872762575780859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692857776127385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672350302679204,0.090128044929456,0.0,0.1116668370520206,0.0820188819697337,0.0,0.0,0.06720243158015049,0.0,0.19099526333399955,0.0,0.0,0.07321503268935801,0.08459720087950227,0.0,0.0,0.116057681402984,0.0,0.11164786999567322,0.0,0.0,0.18970281580203,0.0,0.19038311544255596,0.0,0.0,0.06779470501375677,0.0,0.05120039395370715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057921878760357
suicidewatch,depressed-teen,2019/02/15,"Fuck mental illness and fuck suicide. It's been getting worse over time, and I tried going to therapy but the therapist was taking too many days off when I needed them the most, so I ended up not going anymore. 

I believe I have bpd, social anxiety and a poor self esteem. It has ruined my opportunities, my relationships, my social life, everything. All because I was raised in an abusive family with a narcissistic father.


I would kill to have a normal life. My thoughts are going to end up killing me someday, over the stupidest reasons.

Knowing I could recover from this doesn't make it any more easier. In fact, it makes it harder, because there might be hope for me out there, but I don't have the strength or the motivation to fight and keep going.

My life has already crumbled appart and repairing all the damage it's too much for me to handle right now. I wish somebody else who does have a will to live could do it for me. 
",4.329114126097366,6.0614776536312895,5.349501197126898,79.48208100558662,71.3463687150838,8.019313647246609,28.42817238627295,8.634040054169528,2.248972545889865,736,28,134,13,14,242,113,179,0.259,0.657,0.084,-0.9903,0,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,1,3,7,10,5,0,11,0,19,6,0,4,3,30,35,10,3,7,4,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,4,0,1,4,3,7,0,0,4,0,20,3,19,25,5,19,0,2,0,2,8,9,2,4,6,99,29,1,0.0,0.14896566178096635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874261552870856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549851399302293,0.0,0.09618063383892526,0.0,0.1246871706467122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532837423525944,0.0,0.0,0.14165101419281062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834846375977474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076518847116315,0.0,0.0,0.08108336462186029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002434244727527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502858224695537,0.0,0.22271319857025196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129951126961816,0.0,0.11852400802694185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324647432470377,0.0656870474051324,0.0,0.2858136798475752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487504974012878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117517287152296,0.2781960829396129,0.0,0.06909614397576334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26641360450353324,0.0,0.0,0.1110190400825416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678471886309107,0.12746720974948206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670301148303798,0.13337623303316531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242364121804968,0.0932248058283548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123185538893639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292680578700577,0.0,0.13498349753162506,0.0,0.10736997341297776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311604396244757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563252148560509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752467855270845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945308830871986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377951707452372,0.14597846871808792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981301044088424,0.0733122898303364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536022294799553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445795790685677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812631832738394,0.08931268912621669,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ana15ex,2019/02/15,"How much X n Booze? 1 g of xanax /kg of weight is considered the lethal dosage of alprazolam itself. So - just saying - I should take 95 g of xanax which are about 38000 pills. So Xanax is pretty safe. But what about its interactions with alcohol ingestion?
Is there any math to help figuring out how much alprazolam per kg of weight, per cl of alcohol ingested is lethal? ",2.5924285714285698,5.345171028571432,3.6682142857142885,84.34803571428574,81.57142857142857,8.642857142857144,21.607142857142854,9.188382445141503,2.0340000000000003,292,9,58,9,8,94,50,70,0.0,0.8640000000000001,0.136,0.8626,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,2,0,9,7,5,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,4,2,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,11,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,32,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5376179337856439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104895664059566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859518926991968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698068343167282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558963339032622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002667134732907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891191807579129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6125913088396964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brandtjulian10,2019/02/15,"I cannot describe how I feel. It feels suffocating. And, I really wish I could just die. I have no words or actually I can't even make an effort to describe how I feel. I just wish someone would kill me. ",-0.6496899224806221,1.5390315116279076,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,94.34883720930232,5.657364341085271,18.794573643410853,7.1686216300943375,0.4437317829457363,157,5,36,3,6,55,31,43,0.241,0.625,0.134,-0.7017,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,3,0,15,11,4,2,4,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2608442519867995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134156718260964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774130828732267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654778245936786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054616418412707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29572559063681364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842346473792445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123791853305226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226480695153552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6147589277647012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898808025197517,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teambeebees,2019/02/15,"I have no support I honestly don’t know why I haven’t already killed myself. All the articles I see say things like “rely on your support system”, but I don’t have one. I have no friends, my family doesn’t care, and I cannot afford a therapist or psychiatrist. 

My GP has prescribed me some anti-depressants, but they don’t help. Every time I see her she gets on my case about not seeing a therapist, but I seriously cannot afford one. Now I don’t even want to mention my depression to her anymore. 

I don’t have anything in my life worth living for anymore. So I don’t think there’s a point being here anymore. I can’t keep going, this pain is too much. ",3.968,4.570144466666669,5.5562962962962965,81.94333333333336,71.0,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.0847777777777785,513,18,106,9,9,175,84,135,0.146,0.68,0.174,0.1748,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,7,10,1,0,4,0,18,2,0,0,1,12,30,6,1,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,14,4,0,2,0,4,25,6,7,29,3,8,0,1,3,0,9,4,0,2,3,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628620390049936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43908946300104734,0.0,0.0,0.12144862831409507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047119279407878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542268684642302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974774960061953,0.0,0.1243454463058032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391285694359553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402262980171983,0.0,0.0771062765095698,0.0,0.08387509219520373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892209506740507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117897721287536,0.16327925323482406,0.0,0.08110802043332482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424257580069768,0.07210183312445319,0.0,0.13031891583792848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084908382595896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000127697620045,0.0,0.15703922709658066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951409087920918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736430609154652,0.0,0.0,0.3528147752677513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33495196611916794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34271158829833503,0.09804790566579966,0.09456553420255162,0.0,0.0,0.08605711345713435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704855968782525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317113468260994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,barnaby111,2019/02/15,"Nothing left to give Hi all, last place I expected to be posting but I'm hoping that this won't be the last post I ever make.

Here goes.

Yesterday, my partner of 2yrs decided I had to go, she doesn't want me around her or her kids after I shouted at one of them through fear of him choking to death, he had a wet wipe and was trying to eat it, I stopped him before he got it stuck in his throat, all she could see was that I'd made him cry by shouting, not that I'd saved his life. Anyway, me and the ex have a child due in April, now I've been told no contact once I leave on Saturday (earliest coach trip I could get on) so this will be the 2nd kid I have that I don't get to bring up (1St kid was from a marriage that ended as my ex wife was sleeping with someone else for 9 months until I caught them and left)

I've nowhere to go bar my parents, my brother has recently moved back there too, so I spoke to my mum and got told that while she's sorry this has happened, I can't stay there and need to find somewhere else to live, OK for my brother to be there but not me, he has always been the favourite tho so I'm not surprised.

I've got nothing left to give now, a family that doesn't want me and never has, a daughter I'll never see, no job, no money, no home. Wtf is the point of carrying on with this joke called life? ",5.563850716757294,3.5793539688581326,6.179745427582798,87.52402249134951,68.13494809688582,9.364409293129016,30.67745921898171,7.447530270364453,1.5848940187839835,1023,29,250,8,14,336,159,289,0.16699999999999998,0.7959999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9882,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,0,15,6,0,1,10,1,27,6,2,2,5,33,53,16,1,7,6,8,1,0,1,2,2,3,1,5,13,9,2,1,2,3,1,6,14,1,0,1,17,6,34,5,34,28,2,41,0,0,2,0,37,13,0,2,19,154,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255747690676852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902385232722744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855338155506191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465386190454543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135846555181151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762619992911768,0.0,0.12218780523654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138224612353436,0.18584723866258412,0.0,0.09852230717222922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006195629959078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486364347581036,0.12517171482381695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166792382829573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623270651638265,0.21341590764831395,0.1264362567676275,0.0,0.2668973894257546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836585484201467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157903558016023,0.11048270230615503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038482119390867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813447921795446,0.0,0.11778313508341355,0.3625755566273116,0.0,0.15713891615620262,0.0,0.0,0.09822365301379292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525443610369467,0.07425106541709248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878771920823908,0.1182265373994666,0.0,0.0824802752136434,0.1715845180369698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346837760434345,0.0,0.0,0.11846298351526065,0.07537656666766462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351469965116794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162182133003167,0.0,0.10515421775068108,0.0,0.21306717163294864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098323843021142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728179029736266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131659065325007,0.0,0.09425011971522702,0.0,0.0,0.12451988284260207,0.0,0.11856304967616002,0.0,0.09299849181451386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258202128033407,0.0,0.0755221168710358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312200530084352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noprogresskillme,2019/02/15,"here again, feeling at my worst. getting ""help"" seems so hard now I spent the weekend driving up to Seattle from Portland to attend my schizo and bipolar aunt's court hearing. She is mentally ill and is able to bullshit her way throughout the system. Even though she lives in her car, thinks that the trailer park she's staying at is using lasers to vibrate the windows to track her calls, and still thinks her dead father is still in the condo we sold five years ago - She got a ""non-diagnosis""

What's the fucking point? If she's fucked, what the hell am I going to do? AND even then, this is if I want to get ""help""

""help"" and 'therapy"" are horseshit concepts built on the pretense you want to live and participate - I don't. my depression isn't chemical, its logical. That's why its hard. Its hypocritical, Id rather kill myself then get ""help"" which involves others knowing about what you do. what you feel

one of those two. I get ""help"", feel decent enough to finish my education, get a job, maybe get a bitch, and die in retirement, or i jump off a bridge i dont have the guts to get past the dermis but i have the guts to jump. dont fucking tempt me.

I'm rambling. I bet I dont believe half the shit I just wrote but im drunk right now. I have to do something else then sit in my room cutting. Sorry. I thought things might work out but now I'm defeated, lost, and confused again. Shame on me for thinking otherwise.

I actually had a moment. I sat shivering it the shitty motel bathroom day of, looking at my scars and thinking "" I'm ready to tell someone, I need to get out of myself before I end up like her"" and then I get hit by that. No one's competent.

People live and die without anyone knowing. At this point is it my fault? Fuckin sorry I hurt myself, but could you not yell? I will be completely forgotten, and that's a fact. It's not my fault you are clinging to me. I'm not responsible for your feelings of someone who shouldn't have existed.

I thought I've been frustrated, but this is something else. I'm trying, OK? I really am, but I just dont see a reason to struggle anymore ",2.3565283160395083,4.307795384798105,3.641953369171148,88.68440523815477,77.33729216152021,6.426828353544193,25.568258532316538,7.3759095455046575,1.1965448931116391,1631,61,338,21,38,532,217,421,0.194,0.75,0.056,-0.9952,1,0,2,0,0,4,68.0,1,6,0,4,16,22,10,3,20,1,31,10,3,2,1,57,76,27,4,8,16,2,6,1,0,3,2,2,3,0,22,15,1,0,15,3,3,6,12,20,0,5,10,10,54,2,41,60,2,48,1,4,2,4,30,19,7,7,20,219,76,2,0.07956659003779856,0.0,0.07764551425829246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053098129517843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890867713696664,0.05563480976979447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770530776590067,0.08964430010794462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124638450666842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342405583690722,0.0,0.0,0.0635274477528254,0.0,0.0,0.05131386819461868,0.0,0.06853058740948942,0.0,0.1651551170294529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730058037730341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293535242949034,0.0,0.07047238215836661,0.08221355699924428,0.0,0.10510596461916656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092503452658166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067409111298208,0.3741323337436721,0.0,0.04521952673126789,0.0,0.06363667059955566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425520724057239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967732969622277,0.0,0.26665904055300343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517768027082062,0.0,0.08594557093622393,0.0,0.0789575632862647,0.0,0.08802864310575144,0.0,0.08745543407735734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03887221682876516,0.0,0.21077627019264386,0.0,0.06681589627398328,0.0,0.08685633210807872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993533416954827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801844084964009,0.08440757822614353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899761832842605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783276121829513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595531333840329,0.05516145516421946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043229156084778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097239499719276,0.08180770635571455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794943314781808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340427073898612,0.07243443525828012,0.0,0.0,0.08167396127117775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483302707136546,0.1225084965659561,0.0,0.17813656666928698,0.0,0.08480739830862306,0.12708396316908058,0.0,0.0,0.0831802756663456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954470673245304,0.0,0.09099133000530343,0.0,0.052860506917606624,0.20393223255251167,0.07817377073049397,0.12633396963131902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402049174752429,0.0,0.07772499698921298,0.0,0.0,0.06871998711049919,0.0,0.0,0.09386087260711408,0.06315625565208756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717964717177135,0.0,0.0,0.07669935345605097,0.0,0.057925425181031075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123827529121658
suicidewatch,noomtube101,2019/02/15,"First time in a long time where I'm really at my limit. Homeless, alone, and hopeless. I've been depressed before but never really fully suicidal. It wasn't even all the valentines stuff today that did it. It was just a combination of so may things. Getting let down by people. Putting Faith in a human being to help you with shelter only for them to back out. Not getting the job. New city with no money and now I can't even donstr plasma. I mean wtf do I do. So many mistakes in life and id love to fix them. I've dealt with my underlying addictions and depression but now I'm so far gone there is really no hope. No one cares. I'm just trying not to freeze to death again because it subzero temps again. This isn't a life. It's not even really suicide at this point it's just ending the misery.",0.4818960511033694,2.8902551280487816,2.637421602787459,90.06321138211382,89.1829268292683,5.562833914053427,18.175377468060397,7.07126945348624,0.38294750290360025,627,17,129,10,21,211,103,164,0.201,0.638,0.161,-0.6044,1,2,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,2,2,16,8,0,0,7,0,12,4,0,0,2,23,22,9,3,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,11,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,10,4,0,2,5,1,8,4,19,14,1,26,1,3,0,1,6,11,0,2,13,89,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336740166460387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520775189854585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523159540355946,0.0,0.09135208042186292,0.0,0.12751816866995852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279027630441044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25814504926409604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327297579935138,0.0,0.0,0.2969394992827105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746918645967592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565892989075188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044669652246384,0.0,0.0,0.14884286371745534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487109977805576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324001615251187,0.21169835452914426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326196644065707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525274700572198,0.0,0.0,0.15193254832466013,0.0,0.16323935612268392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155797717702057,0.14473384496925792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154769756550264,0.11397380497020768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038927076150736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166430197017638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064873803957232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840116337843403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155162167628613,0.32784078212910955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955903398896836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747668759570433,0.0,0.1420479152929978,0.0,0.0,0.10174378354667636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShitbagWorthless,2019/02/15,"Carbon monoxide Is it the best painless option, I plan to burn coal to wqrm io my place and makes me dizzy and sleep once and for all... ",3.2325000000000017,4.135260107142859,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,72.92857142857143,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.4106285714285711,105,2,24,0,2,32,25,28,0.059,0.743,0.198,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803000294388911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055005689648476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874072669784815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4781713243827965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580039570983248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anilor,2019/02/15,Friend is suicidal and I don't know how to reach them I desperately need advice. An old friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a few years now just posted a story to Snapchat that was essentially a suicide note and they were saying stuff like how they were ready to commit suicide tonight. They were talking about going out into the woods and shooting themselves tonight. I've messaged them but I haven't heard back for like an hour. It's been so long since I've even talked to them so I don't even know where they live now. We don't really have any mutual friends I can ask to find out details about where they live now and I can't see their location on Snapchat. Is here anyone I can call that would be able to track them down or something like that?,3.4596536796536803,4.954927454545455,3.5137012987012994,92.7286471861472,73.15584415584415,6.691774891774893,23.87229437229437,7.1686216300943375,0.6535255411255418,604,17,132,6,12,184,93,154,0.066,0.7959999999999999,0.138,0.8381,0,0,1,1,0,3,7.0,1,0,10,0,16,6,0,0,6,0,18,0,0,2,1,19,25,10,3,2,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,3,20,6,17,17,1,20,0,0,1,0,23,8,0,1,13,88,26,0,0.14703795729568536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368379011597696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999085310746758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281235854393732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746064140625344,0.0,0.0,0.1130631130489346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014219422806968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423436809159533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439002915105974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408034831896692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356505962219357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448027693952672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161643190984087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155059562817002,0.0,0.2596744203046934,0.1301239651920041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902678222355884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429160173510256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082171804376178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941962805656941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693048531299607,0.0,0.0,0.11717021489615488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163131772331615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319700315085955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683232825804897,0.4825069801659147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35455062112632385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445154613776346,0.0,0.0,0.09468762366962588
suicidewatch,RobotsCantDoPushUps,2019/02/15,Is anybody up? I just really need someone to talk to. Please.,-0.9824999999999982,-0.1682075833333343,1.7033333333333331,89.97500000000002,124.83333333333334,4.933333333333334,20.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,1.1154666666666668,47,2,9,1,3,16,11,12,0.0,0.813,0.187,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947045051157053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843215414566009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410143411201996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510284036145056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278542837397504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Djcvd6,2019/02/15,"A Year Ago, I Didn't Kill Myself...and I Still Wonder Why I guess I'll start with a brief introduction: I'll be 32 years old next month, and I am a gay male that grew up in one of the ""fly-over states"" of the US Midwest. I am college educated (finished my Master's Degree in 2015) and while I do see that as an accomplishment, it seems to be the sole reason that people on the outside see me as ""successful"" - but that couldn't be further from the truth. My education was my outlet, the only thing I could focus on to keep me from offing myself for so many years.

Here are some highlights (lowlights?) from my shitty life:
-Parents divorced when I was 4
-Molested by a family member at age 8
-Bullied incessantly from grade school through most of high school (e.g. I was chased home off the bus my 8th grade year by two neighbor boys that threatened to kill me)
-Walked in on my brother attempting suicide at 12 (I saved his life, for which he hated me for many years until I got to college)
-Outed by my sister to my very religious family at 15, at which time my father (who I had previously had a very very good relationship with) told me I was going to conversion therapy (which I managed to dodge since my parents were divorced and I was able to remove him from my life long enough for him to see that wasn't going to happen)
-Raped by an older male at age 16
-Raped by a different older male at age 19

And I guess maybe I had finally learned by then to just stop resisting sex and just to embrace it and seek it out, because I pretty much went on a sexual bender that never really calmed down until I hit about 27, but only because I gained a massive amount of weight (I went from being 5'10"" 115lbs to 6'0"" and 235lbs in about 8 years). I had no respect for my body. And I still don't - I very much hate my body.

Before I go much further, I should mention that I have tried therapy in the past for almost 3 years and it just doesn't really help. I've tried every damn medication in the book, and because of my terrible professional life (I'll get to that next...), I don't have the financial stability to stay on any kind of medication long enough to A) Work and B) Not give me horrible flu-like withdrawals (I'm looking at you, Effexor and Cymbalta).

Rewind a bit: I really really wanted to be an actor, but I never had a thick enough skin to pursue it, so then I wanted to be a journalist; nothing hard-hitting, mainly entertainment-related stuff, you know, like you'd see on EW or covering the awards season. But when I graduated college in 2009, it was the worst economic time to find any kind of job, let alone one in journalism. I went into retail management. Then telecommunications call center work. Then I finally hit on academic advising and I enjoyed it for the most part. But it wasn't until 2013 that I realized my true calling: teaching.

I'll save you the majority of the story - but in truth, on the surface, I loved teaching, and I still do, though I'm currently unemployed. But (most) other teachers don't love me. Administrators don't love me. I side with my students and their best interests 100% of the time and make decisions with them and only them in mind. Nothing matters more to me than making sure my kids felt loved and appreciated. I taught high school, and my kids loved my class because of that, I think. But I was forced out by a homophobic principal at one job. I was fired from another job without any kind of documentation against me (seriously, zero write-ups, zero infractions, they just told me to leave because I wouldn't meet with Human Resources in person without having someone of my choice present to protect myself in the situation). I had never been fired in my life, and it felt horrible. I had just about given up at that point.

But I took a step back, and I decided the next best thing to do would be to do some substitute teaching, and find a school that resonated with me, and understood my methodology and could work with me instead of against me. And guess what? I found that school. I found that job. They even wanted to hire me. Plot Twist: Someone came in and swooped the job right out from under me and I was right back where I started. 

There are only so many failures a person can endure when he finally just says to the universe ""Fuck it. I give up - you got me. I can't do this anymore.""

So I made a plan. I sold everything I owned that could fetch a dollar or two - in my mind, my family would use that money toward any kind of death expenses. I began writing letters. I figured out a method. I turned in my move-out notice at my apartment (I'm the most considerate suicidal guy you'll ever meet, right?). Goodness knows I didn't want to be an inconvenience in death since I had been so much in life. But I woke up on move-out day and I chickened out - I just couldn't do it. It wasn't because of me, but it was because I was afraid of how much it would hurt my mom and my grandparents (who, by the way, are good people, but they are extremely religious and not accepting, either).

That was a year ago. And I wish I could say that things got better for me, but guess what? They didn't. My relationship with my dad never fully repaired in the 15 years after he told me he was going to send me to conversion therapy. The best ""apology"" I ever got from him was ""My sin of being married 3 times is no greater than yours"" and he was proud of that, like he'd had some religious epiphany that made all those years of emotional abandonment suddenly okay. And in November 2018, he suddenly died at the age of 64. And I'll be honest, I really don't know how the fuck to process it. 

And now I am jobless, but thankful to have a friend that is letting me stay with him temporarily in exchange for doing stuff around his place like taking care of his dog, laundry, vacuuming, etc. while I look for a job. But it won't be long before he'll get sick of me, too, and I'll be homeless. I have applied to over 75 jobs since October with zero luck (I am no longer applying for teaching jobs - it's too difficult for me right now). I am in terrible physical shape. I cannot rely on my family for anything (sister is an alcoholic and most likely drug-addict, brother is a disabled vet with his own psychological issues still, mom is a recover(ing/ed) alcoholic that has shifted her obsession to hoarding and gambling). I've reached the end of my rope with the few friends I have let in terms of them helping me out, and I really honestly don't know what else to do anymore. 

It's looking like ending my life won't be an option - it'll just happen, you know?
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suicidewatch,True_to_me,2019/02/15,"Why do I want to die so much? I've had bouts of bad depression before but usually never this bad where I seriously consider suicide this much. Like I knew something was wrong when I stopped being able to cry, I used to cry all the time and I'd feel right as rain afterwards but sometime after the first time I got horribly depressed my senior year of highschool I felt emotionally blunted, like the fun things slowly became less and less fun, and more importantly I just stopped being able to feel sad, like I felt bad about things but it was never sadness, it's like it just disappeared entirely. But unlike usual where I usually just think about how nice it'd be to die and plow ahead now I just stare at my 2 tabs of acid and seriously consider when Ill take it without telling anybody and go to the top of a tall parking garage nearby and jump off. Before I had always convinced myself that suicide was stupid, that even if everything is awful right now it could get better in the future, that there were things I wanted like a girl or kids or finding love, finding a dream I wanted to pursue or something. It's just I've become so comfortable by myself and when a girl really started liking me and we liked the same things and she was the dream girl my past self would have always wanted all I could think about was how much of a pain it was to talk to her, how much of a pain sex is, how much of a pain dealing with people is. I have friends to hangout with but all I can think about is how much I don't want to hang out with them. How much I just want to spend all my time laying in bed sleeping, or reading a story until It's time to go back to bed. Its just I feel like there's nothing to live for, no goal to find or happiness to reach. I've had sex which I always dreamed would be amazing but it was just so normal, I took drugs and it was great but now that I've experienced it just seems like a pain where I can't function normally for that day and can't sleep--the body euphoria just isn't worth it, I found friends with similar interests that like me and invite me out unlike in high school where I was alone but it just seems like a pain to hangout and talk with them, I found a girl thats really interested and I can't stand having to leave my room to deal with her or try to form a relationship. Like I can't imagine anything I want, I just want to be able to sleep forever, I just don't understand what changed so much. I used to want so many things and when I failed I just brushed it off saying I didn't really actually want it, and it's like after years of having that mindset I've actually become that way. That now that all the things I've wanted and dreamed would bring me out of depression failed because all I really want is to sleep. It's not like I've lived an awful life, I have loving parents, and have lived a generally good life. The only thing I feel holding me back from dying is how sad I'll make my parents and siblings, but to be honest I'm just so tired and we're all going to die one day and I hate waking up each day. Even if they become devastatingly sad, hopefully they'll be able to support each other. I just don't understand how it all came to this. What's so wrong with me that I don't have a motivation to do anything? Why can't I find anything that makes me happy, why is everything such a pain? It's so stupid that I've lived such a privileged life and ended up like this. Thank you if you read this, I never want to say anything to anybody about how I feel because I'm afraid my parents will figure out or the authorities or somebody will and will pull me out of school and just destroy my normal life and make me into a burden NEET that lives out the rest of the days sleeping in their parents basement and a disappointment where I finally will have the conviction to end it all. 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suicidewatch,Nicanoru,2019/02/15,"There's a line on the suicide prevention website I just think that's funny in a hysterically tragic and sad way.

​

I mean...  Feb 14th is a hellscape for so many people...  But in the haze of intoxication this evening I'm thinking to myself...  ""Not what is the point?"" or ""who would care?""

​

But more...  How is it fair to me to ask me to continue to suffer?  How fucking selfish of you and the so-called ""people who would miss me"" to ask me to keep going?  Forcing every last scrap of my willpower to keep waking up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other.  I've survived deployment...  Survived cancer.  Survived sexual assault.  But for what?  What have I survived for?  Who the fuck is asking me to keep living and why?  It's sure as hell not any of the people around me or who've passed through my life.  It's sure as hell not ""god"".

​

Why is it so important that I live?  If suddenly 500,000 people on this planet just vanished...  Sure, people would mourn...  But in 50-100 years...  Hell, even 10 years...  we might have a day off or a day of remembrance like September 11th...  But most people just simply do not care.

​

I'm waiting to stop breathing.  I feel like a vegetable on life support and I just simply neglected to set up plans for someone to pull the plug.  I don't think I've really felt anything in almost 30 years that hasn't passed almost immediately.

​

I'm actually really happy for my ex-fiance.  She found happiness after we split.  That just proves to me she never could have been happy with me.  I'm not capable of being happy anymore.  I'm too volatile.  I've been to therapy.  I'm on antidepressants.  I'm intelligent enough to acknowledge and identify negative aspects about myself.  I just can't make myself better.  I can't put on a smile anymore.  I can't fake this anymore.  Most of the people that have shown even the slightest amount of interest in me have turned out to absolutely psychotic.  Which just drives home the point that I could never possibly have an even remotely normal relationship, platonic or romantic, ever again.

​

How the fuck could anybody consider the loss of me some tragic loss?  Why is it so important I live another 30-40 years crippled and in pain and hating myself?",2.998636363636365,5.574893694638695,4.165879953379953,82.56112762237763,78.25407925407927,7.07016317016317,25.83391608391609,8.150884317080207,1.9128223776223785,1781,69,323,34,44,580,202,429,0.16899999999999998,0.698,0.133,-0.9653,1,0,0,0,0,1,104.0,2,1,0,8,23,34,8,0,22,0,28,12,3,4,7,74,60,26,2,8,22,0,2,2,0,4,5,0,1,0,22,13,1,7,9,0,0,8,13,20,0,1,4,2,34,14,55,48,6,45,3,9,0,3,12,20,6,11,17,214,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.054120322192146283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106904910362007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605410733389745,0.40433505881244136,0.037714257482205416,0.058153960518384035,0.0,0.0,0.16500230842192887,0.0,0.0,0.045638316823956034,0.04937057655421802,0.155541007878771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904928522753782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308900009729855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328393265188708,0.0,0.0,0.07153338106255112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057304330274125126,0.0,0.14652150156628296,0.05016615412340945,0.046726891467590514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02804191201692864,0.039620168305132285,0.053249669940129314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080831101609337,0.0,0.15381381686474102,0.0,0.0,0.03151882474409939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361500229484765,0.0,0.05475462300118629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563024653648471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478844464311393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520676955398167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834515328791658,0.054189270795410055,0.0,0.14691485737782306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03701954451633535,0.05622707278190297,0.0,0.060411486931476514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588336025937236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554733414399376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433838455131575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037580688567463744,0.0,0.059012654976121626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691396957332212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485401719786372,0.06252208039173532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115039226506282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710573551223224,0.0,0.0,0.05954258318655431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04699052441696815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463664970777231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060663523783789176,0.06293460931900634,0.1568093335589017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634225961875576,0.0,0.0,0.1066083298874562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032384356799793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04402104792519287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013030251932385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819018589290957,0.0,0.40433505881244136,0.14285600366330872
suicidewatch,ROCKITBOI,2019/02/15,"Living Out of Spite I tried to kill myself with a friend of mine. She succeeded, I didn't. I remember texting my best friend about it, saying I was going to try again and getting no reply. I hated him so much in that moment, for so many reasons that'd make too long a story. In the end, I realized he wouldn't even care if I died, in fact, he'd probably feel pleased and like he was stronger than me

so he was one of the reasons i decided to live. just out of spite, an do better than him in every way I could think of. especially the being happy part


it's been 7 years now, i'm about to be 30. Each year gets easier. That feeling...you just kinda start to understand it, and it becomes less threatening and more just.. idk. i do know it becomes easier though

xo, anyone out there thinking of killing themselves, please dont. ",1.4540336134453788,3.604677428571432,3.154593837535017,90.04726890756304,81.26190476190476,6.33389355742297,21.787114845938376,7.5105763829236425,0.845484173669468,640,20,135,10,17,212,111,168,0.171,0.643,0.18600000000000005,0.2145,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,14,13,5,0,6,0,14,0,0,3,1,28,27,9,3,3,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,0,10,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,5,2,18,8,24,16,6,17,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,9,93,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612587359596013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036611696895619,0.0,0.0,0.1442717668166239,0.12158566447634048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016515386523198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097627804935445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267757874062592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111993953250214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217622443105618,0.0,0.0,0.09080108938063496,0.0,0.11582880610074955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695116042965525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124260352232066,0.0,0.14365026169134307,0.0,0.07813033833718554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463449330764839,0.0,0.1357283228464477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041919350500409,0.0,0.07555278822903515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671634506658337,0.0,0.2427862842154895,0.12166124780131594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176578002614952,0.1393783002959859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106010828553603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315677017018298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488722715298935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018130274573074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482215440554481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28269485499685537,0.0,0.0,0.15573263043628516,0.0,0.0,0.1093258165642397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730567165162984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761771460134275,0.13506871030659753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667330697456289,0.0,0.0,0.14311655727789174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912143445312507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770590748597319
suicidewatch,amygdala2,2019/02/15,"Is there even a reason to keep living? This past week has definitely been one of my worst. I put too much on my self, feeling overconfident in my abilities to do it all, and it left me stressed, mentally damaged, and just so exhausted. It just feels like life is this cycle... of me always pushing for more, having higher expectations of myself, and never feeling like it’s enough. Sometimes I just want to disappear. I’m so hurt. Broken. Emotionally unstable. I just want it all to go away. Everything just feels so purposeless. ",3.178678537956888,6.0606180206185565,4.515070290534208,78.39794751640116,80.1340206185567,8.063355201499531,26.343955014058107,8.841846274778883,2.6396061855670108,416,17,72,11,11,137,67,97,0.211,0.6559999999999999,0.134,-0.9155,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,3,20,15,6,0,3,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,5,0,0,4,1,5,0,1,1,4,9,2,11,14,6,11,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736191424744006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768325067846674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127330907466034,0.0,0.19541017899728588,0.0,0.12491112238400373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996769944985138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824964026586611,0.2702128842051699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748051945752496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024554873407028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809739630370166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547802856120026,0.0,0.1335801356924183,0.18478769501726175,0.0,0.16699528313845466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058717550947496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390240099573901,0.0,0.1458600056736608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815173032613306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053520510478288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011653552032928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444552852122104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729205670818895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704323702299808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663483995773328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309422662695652,0.0,0.1516996193291126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sinsinsalabim,2019/02/15,"I just find existing to be incredibly disturbing I don't want to participate in it, being alive and putting effort into a career and relationships and finding meaning in all this is just so foreign. Existence is too surreal, I can't help but feel like an observer, participating in it just seem unusual, like it's beneath me somehow, yet I have to include myself in it or face the consequences of depression/isolation/hopelessness. I don't know what I have or what I need to hear to make this all make sense. ",5.493705357142859,7.092405364583339,6.966904761904763,69.54000000000002,68.27083333333334,11.31904761904762,35.589285714285715,11.20814326018867,4.658653571428573,409,21,71,14,7,140,65,96,0.058,0.8490000000000001,0.093,0.6288,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,3,0,9,1,1,2,2,23,18,7,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,9,2,12,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,4,3,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541446963430925,0.19132590083809795,0.0,0.0,0.4895530747379985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30184509389132275,0.0,0.17950963394058692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718320560953435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261680136511395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575349629338372,0.0,0.0,0.2917272352080467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858019528494356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692263733436683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875312966532552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438072028411593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579632444497796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrearly87,2019/02/15,"I can't find love and fail at sexlife I'm 32 and its been 5 years now since I've had sex. The last time was with someone who really didn't care about me at all.   
 Since then its been a steam of confidence destroyers. A lot of ghosting or just harsh rejections. I feel like I'm not worthy of love and I'm worried that I'm going to die alone. (please don't tell me everybody dies alone that doesn't help.) I just keep going through the motions of life trying to pay bills and all but when I have a job I have no time and when I'm broke I have no confidence. I just needed to get the words off my chest, nobody seems too interested/ possible to talk to about this. Thank reddit for the safe space.",1.6540502354788058,3.342082421768712,2.867619047619048,94.6434065934066,78.52380952380952,6.6999476713762425,20.151229722658293,7.61054688173877,0.36836724228152784,544,13,128,8,13,175,93,147,0.219,0.677,0.103,-0.8739,1,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,0,7,0,11,5,1,0,2,22,27,10,3,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,2,3,7,4,0,0,5,1,10,7,17,22,3,15,0,3,0,3,6,4,0,3,9,72,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35704893075267513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574381471472966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35778795614561953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715600253799721,0.12314194150788862,0.0,0.0,0.1575440539684354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005678044159025,0.0,0.1959249260701655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553670854799675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710517100441586,0.15321134522617086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405054448356772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175079885207694,0.08421180802731629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654373711041865,0.3111432780195276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127810979513414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921169532246232,0.0,0.19432250532750164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104253344002684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692016700276076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28517429462143884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604946563111232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854535325802078,0.1506599306766469,0.1586961413631887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102193810601915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702865572661117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505120951352507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100133088581003
suicidewatch,Kirnwaza,2019/02/15,"Just some tought Hey all, long story ahead.
I'm not doing really good tonight
I'm unsure if it just the alcohol and energy drink in my body but my mind racing and my body numb, like alway.
I'm on edge of just giving up, i feel like the hope i have is just gone.  
I'm mentaly fuck, i have adhd and aspd together and it have slowy scraped my life.  
I ended up in hospital at 15 year old and thing never got better. They said i was psychotic atypical but with some tought after all of this is was just a kind of desilusion, bad treatement by my parent, struggling with feeling like a monster due to not being like ""other"" (that what i tought before, now i know why i'm fucked up like this).  
It not that i really want to die, but i don't see escape anymore nor thing to be better. I feel like i will end up worse if i wait. I'm trying to join the army but since my old psy said i was insane it probably never gonna work, they still have to fill the paper work but who i lied to ? They think i was insane, even if i argue they wont take the risk, they are professional. Better to stick with ""i'm a professional"" than to take a risk of being wrong. But it funny, by putting on paper that i'm too insane to join the army they give me the rope to end it. I wish i had just keep my mouth shut, but it too late. They are fours story there. What i tought, what i said, what they tought and what really happen. Sadly they probably gonna stick to they belief without giving me the chance to talk. It was not psychosis, i was unstable, thinking i was crazy, that i had hallucination, but the true it was all in my head, all my imagination, i never lost touch with reality but my familly made me feel so unstable for who i was that i tought it was abnormal, and the psy tought it was true, not a normal psychosis, some atypical shit to fit there belief, to fit what they tougt was true. I was dealing with cruel narc parent   
Now i'm here, after 9 year of accepting my mind, slowy reallising thing, on edge of the fall, knowing the true with nobody to listen.
I'm just tired and feel like it pointless..",3.173460615153786,4.122437820930234,4.6108402100525145,86.71085146286575,73.11627906976744,7.6879219804951235,22.243060765191306,8.049812674583475,0.8958537134283571,1613,36,351,23,31,539,182,430,0.172,0.6459999999999999,0.181,-0.3319,2,0,2,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,11,7,17,31,5,3,17,0,30,13,5,1,11,75,73,22,1,7,25,2,6,7,0,4,5,4,0,0,31,14,2,2,13,1,0,4,12,13,0,1,22,11,52,18,46,44,7,38,2,2,1,2,26,14,3,7,27,230,83,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187842733364444,0.0,0.0,0.09059455973590487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705363728343424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407018442407121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078035446446851,0.0,0.0,0.07213398978274367,0.0,0.0,0.22491953263848732,0.0,0.1883232351010813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739531497326611,0.0,0.0,0.08797905155059678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304343681374586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22524618507697586,0.0,0.0,0.05599053329880037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431415754848845,0.2422420550244281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567390914037726,0.0,0.2439605832031959,0.0,0.07110200372012411,0.06779921838193134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496283221175147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869996380725893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419686169127548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534847726569899,0.0,0.08827608921563426,0.09317599456151862,0.0,0.09562552945172427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987635762772089,0.2899042525406957,0.0,0.0,0.07501978437326925,0.0,0.0,0.09253770464368546,0.0,0.0,0.08021249493389936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118935590478265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614216929845224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305771090523903,0.0,0.0,0.17790608633381838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825662056221185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827952363709436,0.0,0.0,0.0852184017687342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629196738596598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191027724598946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675516169793087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870163489725474,0.07012355652685323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769833564958673,0.0,0.0,0.08862119312400346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747468297967438,0.06813582496008946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895452033491967,0.1086358371649246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743194608532536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057554034216166124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000021009468713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649276147195866,0.0,0.09748261840577399,0.08171634634128785,0.0,0.12342878766955395,0.0,0.08638902587565013,0.0,0.09268392542617432,0.0,0.10917965956587823
suicidewatch,throwaway2983572828,2019/02/15,"I know this is not the right sub, but there are no other subs. Assuming that I fall headfirst, will a fall from the roof of four-story building be lethal?",4.55225806451613,5.051052774193551,4.5388709677419365,90.12830645161293,69.64516129032258,7.490322580645162,25.177419354838708,7.1686216300943375,0.8533741935483863,120,3,26,1,2,37,28,31,0.097,0.903,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411598041197788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8409197740599531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darkdragon8169,2019/02/15,Why am I so weak I tried to hang myself tonight.... The cord broke,-2.611666666666668,-1.5614569285714277,-1.1271428571428572,111.4554761904762,118.28571428571428,1.866666666666667,11.809523809523812,3.1291,-2.204733333333333,49,1,13,0,3,15,13,14,0.395,0.605,0.0,-0.7609,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.601232551531249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7990741010564815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katibanana,2019/02/15,"How do I be normal I used to be able to hide how I feel. Or even trick myself. I can’t enter any social situation now without feeling obviously uncomfortable. I try to let go and have fun but I know everyone can see right through me, I probably look so stupid. Don’t tell anyone how I feel anymore bc I feel like such a downer. People claim to want to support others w/ mental health issues but then to my face talk bad of ppl who are going through shit. I just feel alone. And it gets harder.",1.620594059405942,3.7412720990099047,3.5371188118811894,87.69241089108914,80.48514851485149,6.02019801980198,20.991089108910888,7.1686216300943375,0.5941160396039602,386,11,80,5,10,130,76,101,0.199,0.6920000000000001,0.109,-0.8966,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,1,0,9,3,2,4,1,20,23,10,0,2,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,7,13,3,10,20,0,6,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,3,50,16,0,0.17526973151632094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152658326554952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918942768628896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382047728241254,0.12255267150045206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463429047945517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576400465832347,0.0,0.0,0.16747773948317876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431082126042093,0.12521273121580798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915712007258835,0.0,0.19921965502654607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863035286197055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829360631972061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632366074190143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922517536305946,0.0,0.0856279376027711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718243166384426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766306654876476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717271235984063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150996331612827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897041471132625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967939305739514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966728376987125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799118607077834,0.0,0.19701052173822514,0.0,0.1786654190431361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889401428443312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087517109338746,0.15319347067139402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899664269224447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137677365512844,0.0,0.0,0.10337862873048452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895376666677875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ghost_sanctum,2019/02/15,"This life doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like the only way out is to make as much money as I can and run away as fast as I can to under a rock where no one can find me. - of course there’s always the long term solution to a short term problem. But my life has felt like a long term problem.


- therapy? I got tired of how it stinged when after my therapy session was done they’d ask “well that’s all the time we have for today, how will you be paying?”

- I can confidently say my last therapist didn’t give that much of a care about me, just how much I’m paying.


- speaking of money, I live in a country where the rich and corporations take more advantage of everyone day after day, leaving us to fend for ourselves. I’m scared to enter the workforce after college because one person’s triumph will be another person’s downfall. That’s the world capitalism has created for us. Yet people somehow make me question *why* I think capitalism is wrong despite all the homelessness, lack of education, etc. out there.

- I have no sense of belonging. I’m into cars. But I’m $15k in debt with poor credit to even think about having a car that makes me look forward to waking up in the morning 

-I feel somewhat estranged to my family. All I do around the house when I come home on weekends and clean the stuff they want me to clean, then I go back to campus during the week.

- I know what life is like for a normal , attractive , socially adept person. I know I don’t fit that description. Life is unfair right. I don’t like that. I got a solution.

- I once thought I could make my reason for living was to find love. But I’m not the same hopeless romantic I was in middle school. Not in today’s day and age. Plus if I’m having these thoughts , I wouldn’t want to crutch on some girl. That’s unfair to her and makes me more vulnerable than I’d like to be compared to just being jaded.

- I can’t afford my meds. But I can tell I’ll need stronger dosage soon. But that’ll cost even more. Go figure.

- the only thing that gives me genuine joy is my baby cousin. It’s kinda weird but I feel like she’s my own daughter sometimes. She lives really far away though. I don’t want to crutch on her either. 

I don’t want to crutch on anything. I’m just tired of feeling like anomaly or outgrouper to a system that isn’t even that great anyways.



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suicidewatch,JulezA98,2019/02/15,"21 yrs old. I’m a new mom, and a sad wife. I made this account solely for the purpose of posting here.

I’m a new mom, I just recently gave birth to my 1st baby in Nov of 2018. I was diagnosed with PPD in Jan. 2019. I love him with all of my heart. He is a light in my life.
I’m also a wife, I love my husband with all of my heart as well. I don’t want to hurt either of them. I’m 21 years old.

I just feel like life would be better off without me, I had a very bad childhood/rough upbringing. Long story short, my parents divorced. Neither parent wanted me, grandparents immediately took in my siblings but refused me. I then spend the next 6 years moving between family members. Everyone gave up on me. My dad was an alcoholic. My mom was a pill popper. My brothers were raised by my grandparents, they are spoiled, incompetent & the highlights of everyone’s life. Then there’s me. The outcast. The burden. The unwanted one.
Why did nobody want me? Why am I 21 years old married, with a baby... and so caught up in my childhood issues that I am now at the point that I’m telling my husband. I just don’t want to exist anymore. I just want to lie down, and never have to get up or move again. From the age of 14 or so, I moved back in with my mom. She was abusive. I’d get hit, threatened... if I wanted food I’d have to scrounge up money to go to the grocery store and buy my own. I lived off canned beans for a while. Most of my family are narcissists. So even if I’d say I didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment, they still couldn’t see how I was the victim. Because they believe they are justified in their actions. I guess what most recently triggered these feelings was a conversation with my eldest brother. He had the audacity to call me spoiled. And that I have no life experience.... after I pointed out to him how’s he’s been handed EVERYTHING in life. I’ve been doing everything on my own including moved out at 16 years old. He however did not move out of our grandparents house until he was 30. No joke. I’m just hurt. Depressed. Angry. How dare these people tell me I’ve never been through anything and that I need to stop being full of drama. Im so tired of being on this earth. I don’t want to hurt my husband and don’t want to leave my baby... I’m just so tired. How can I ever heal when the foundations of my life are completely in ruins... please tell me. ",0.8983966114747766,3.1023790653061276,2.8740277242972674,90.92409896033888,83.85714285714286,5.820562187139008,22.510589141316906,7.130331461381254,0.7820358105506351,1842,65,395,26,53,617,232,490,0.132,0.81,0.058,-0.9925,6,0,1,0,1,0,79.0,1,0,6,1,26,15,1,0,23,0,39,18,3,6,5,60,70,28,0,14,14,14,3,1,0,1,12,1,0,0,10,16,2,2,2,2,5,9,13,9,1,1,21,6,64,6,66,43,9,69,0,6,1,2,41,28,0,7,32,258,74,0,0.0,0.07976413053541652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194545344209177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053836413305179034,0.0,0.07294205036486501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676413635633494,0.0,0.0,0.11079855197116503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051765533838418726,0.05621004960543957,0.04103813015628715,0.0,0.0,0.07584747955648084,0.0,0.05953977005106347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874205588628815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058456992791859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579832997890093,0.06832918712494038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044464748417450815,0.060895510851951815,0.0,0.128655804083873,0.12100717455563215,0.06585265274747205,0.12692810322613152,0.0,0.06807883073259195,0.04809398749296363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140456930967016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034467085995964,0.0,0.038259957690267236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416144256639988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595509260996419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767915568797007,0.21620490165789047,0.0,0.07271800802399929,0.07026541670315135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128299872402168,0.0,0.0,0.2853039992166281,0.032889538628608925,0.0,0.059445493002817325,0.05957678275159947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215192869168158,0.06370056145273939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153811933475293,0.0,0.35775674117620176,0.0,0.04991751449515504,0.10384389048253136,0.13003768147237055,0.0715964263823021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825673879029121,0.0,0.045618311159633225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495035460110111,0.0,0.0,0.046671760924407966,0.0,0.0,0.07389801392548287,0.12727981751273418,0.0,0.0644747098677848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329423215729361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053536196120770624,0.0,0.0,0.05364595543585073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053762471717759316,0.056283196814681066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652401934533202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475069499291394,0.0,0.0,0.07479587733350232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554670407722702,0.3176603803096954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060529477208167724,0.0,0.12149308799955975,0.0,0.0,0.06489484145950246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782275934441467,0.0,0.0,0.17340953225047126
suicidewatch,footiefeast,2019/02/15,"I feel stuck So it’s Valentine’s Day and my boyfriend just kicked me out of our apartment. He is verbally abusive and can get really mean and scary. When he talks down to me and calls me names it makes my skin crawl I just wanna hurt myself and die. He’s done this for years, and I’ve been hospitalized for suicide attempts twice. The thing is, after the second time I tried my parents got me a ptsd service dog hoping it would keep me happy when things are dark. So now I’m in this horrible place of wanting to die to make this endless pain stop, but also I’m alone in this city with this dog, I can’t just abandon her. I have to stay around Bc she means so much to me. But I can’t stop this agonizing torture of being alive and being so hated by someone I love so much. I feel worthless and stupid and empty. I’m just a punching bag he can beat up until he feels fine again. I feel hopeless and I don’t want to live I truly wholeheartedly mean that. But I can’t leave this puppy. I’m stuck in this horrible pain. I don’t know how to get through it but I know I have too. Any advice for getting through horrible emotional pain would help. I don’t know how to get through the night. ",1.380174731182798,3.3616430120967777,2.7141935483870974,94.0079569892473,80.57258064516128,5.584946236559142,21.623655913978496,6.6274283507984215,0.2767252688172044,929,28,208,9,24,300,133,248,0.299,0.612,0.08900000000000001,-0.9963,1,1,0,0,0,4,20.0,1,0,0,2,18,14,3,0,5,0,19,5,1,4,0,46,48,25,3,6,8,1,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,15,13,0,4,10,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,5,5,29,4,29,39,2,22,0,4,0,1,14,9,0,1,12,132,44,1,0.0,0.135824860655721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202092797688347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872827645235312,0.0,0.09167433138549616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795638008475149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205030372611426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705612659812235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393070704747047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379480441463904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731238219230125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895001921892368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23185353205230505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23957021917725796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168484499606508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122032105197088,0.0,0.11317927189980427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683806386964645,0.0,0.0,0.11385936884748815,0.0,0.0,0.1227201602342959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189370355095756,0.0,0.0,0.18900276778862665,0.0,0.0,0.12138292367536332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122564803904233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346342460995332,0.0,0.15304077956414572,0.0,0.0,0.3746164833501411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854123345813818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757807763243256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659422140260432,0.0,0.12728966120595672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977017341853725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340032962156206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343872786500638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971306722281186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218667468281955,0.0,0.19168158201682467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253931280391971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214003788293923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231806873277964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668451469386187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783028819420293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352305121418271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628681860010519,0.0,0.0,0.0738217962014767
suicidewatch,dovah9,2019/02/15,"I cant do this anymore Im too much of a bitch to actually kill myself. But every day. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. I beg to be hit by oncoming traffic. Get shot in a school shooting. Some random murder. Anything. I would be so lucky to die right now. Something to end this misery. Thos endless fucking misery. Please. I cant remember the last time i felt whole. Like a real person. Like i wanted to fucking exist. All i want. All i want is to die, every day. And the fact that i never feel anything but this longing for death, makes every day even more unbearable. I just want a release from this, a break. I cant continue this anymore. I cant do it. I cant.",-1.1378530424799074,0.5736409552238868,1.6543283582089572,92.38145809414465,109.59701492537312,3.554075774971297,18.58668197474168,5.634304966280588,-0.013724684270952636,504,18,101,5,26,173,80,134,0.192,0.7170000000000001,0.092,-0.9448,0,0,1,1,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,6,0,7,0,11,3,0,1,4,21,23,4,5,5,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,2,14,3,11,18,7,14,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,3,13,66,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.1247377175203519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25353398384026765,0.0,0.0,0.21037640729038634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32974344271553685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653221185003664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321406243011392,0.0,0.0,0.0844265006781734,0.0,0.4307886983964977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646316200313716,0.0,0.12273101892227314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35451349255983283,0.06678272804230508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380717798314165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414182406068924,0.0,0.0,0.10419356393725457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489663178857828,0.0,0.0,0.11312015626759428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532346629822611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396529666002804,0.0,0.09858569543605912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116109258712401,0.0,0.14031229108105964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549161733403168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479959567474976,0.10916093838293246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936464204248646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840510674997037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453516191253651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015754644764821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427108537488871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908024529075885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway61791,2019/02/15,"Dreaming of death- anyone else experience this? I fell asleep earlier this afternoon and had the most vivid, morbid dream I’ve had in a long time. Its freaking me out and I just wanna know if anyone has had a similar experience. 

In this dream I came across a guy who was holding a gun, and asked him to shoot me. He did, but I lived.  I then went home and attempted to slice my jugular vein with a knife. Still in this twisted dream, I passed out, but woke up later. I went to the bathroom, cleaned my wounds, and gave up attempting to die. I went about my business. 

Then I woke up for real, entirely confused and somewhat devastated. 

This makes no sense. Life makes no sense. I can’t even end it in my dreams.

Has anyone ever had a similar experience? ",2.21387755102041,4.5794928367346985,3.4837006802721078,87.54106122448981,79.81632653061223,6.913197278911565,24.08571428571429,8.021203637495839,1.4172334693877553,585,21,119,11,15,190,90,147,0.18,0.757,0.063,-0.9571,0,0,0,2,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,8,0,9,4,2,2,1,24,20,11,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,8,10,0,1,1,5,0,6,3,2,0,0,13,1,17,0,19,7,2,25,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,4,9,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34865451968159183,0.17030219218588905,0.0,0.0,0.15538428318465666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010041367637565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250014945416345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388474579188456,0.0,0.14721307669251613,0.0,0.0,0.10978039876352663,0.1503468185960152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877569806793021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645744232610903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672257881075211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134488667543077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739931787753778,0.0,0.0,0.1467668244802779,0.14709096981985234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218934594911424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918381834354128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273583667398176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691861833588566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622361058927505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DongDongExtreme,2019/02/15,"I'm not worth anyone's time. The world would be no worse off without me. If I had never have been concieved, things would have actually been better for everyone. If/when I kill myself, I hope to be forgotten. To be the taboo subject nobody mentions. That's all I deserve to be - a stain on peoples lives to be abhorred while I'm alive and then quickly forgotten in death. A nameless grave is the only place I belong. ",3.267142857142858,5.192856585365856,4.376132404181185,84.55231707317077,74.60975609756099,6.636933797909408,27.567944250871076,7.447530270364453,1.6113114982578391,328,13,62,4,7,107,59,82,0.276,0.632,0.092,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,5,0,13,0,0,0,2,10,16,4,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,7,2,9,6,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,45,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.26422933806807536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932644209315805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947123083212696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25872928070799417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689325270894049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29956334658932904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390920449406907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883204828403767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059303525012623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877156062928246,0.0,0.2828936760621616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988543042318025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788629843842586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26100953271459965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759345012967149,0.3846899318614694,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BigCheeseMalone,2019/02/15,"People I swear I'd do it but i dont want to put the people around me through the pain, some others deserve it too though.",1.8922222222222231,2.6959102592592608,3.2231481481481516,95.9991666666667,76.03703703703705,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.44261481481481546,95,2,23,0,2,31,21,27,0.256,0.7440000000000001,0.0,-0.708,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240977405467098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266850288622206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873940609224976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047978739365365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36598893425396106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576949986623326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473676137097664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babrii97,2019/02/15,"""Aren't you so glad you failed your attempt?""no. Nothing has changed since my attempt except I got married. I got married to the guy who Lied and cheated for two years lucky me. I still work as a fast food manager. I'm still bipolar I have nothing going for me. If I didn't fail my attempt I wouldn't have to do it  again. People will feel suicidal for a few days then feel better but I always wamt to kill myself. Even when I'm happy",0.9156666666666666,3.189822566666667,2.4733333333333363,93.36000000000004,84.44444444444446,4.933333333333334,22.333333333333336,6.2581,0.3881333333333337,341,12,72,3,10,111,64,90,0.16399999999999998,0.696,0.14,-0.5063,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,0,6,6,8,2,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,8,15,7,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,2,15,4,8,10,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,48,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748590115148934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585780908583613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223075000273087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355273315310591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388000107379101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251312046105267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25411040197998125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194312961896104,0.0,0.3361472622242592,0.0,0.0,0.20807841812480296,0.0,0.223705226677454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249635075598515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032831354638392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568936400239701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383564373222735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33564708751586786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298665427962556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052829343376676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298940771357486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353276797635892
suicidewatch,hjorri,2019/02/16,"Any reason not to go through with it. I just cant keep justifying my own excistense to keep living. Why not just end it?

​",0.6600000000000001,3.166710769230772,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,95.15384615384615,5.676923076923077,21.884615384615387,7.1686216300943375,1.0544923076923085,104,4,21,2,4,34,21,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31939381442982545,0.3581897494946332,0.2004603876735844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610874273736496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753016628258044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5240277009557439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260295983809866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030827529535512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265992939661929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581897494946332,0.0
suicidewatch,anonineedhelpplease,2019/02/16,"Help me please. I want to get this entire story off my chest and get people's feedback. When dating a girl in highschool shortly after getting together, I got into the party scene and I had sex with another girl twice ( two separate occasions). I told my gf at the time and felt like such a piece of shit because I truly am. A few years later, while in college and still dating the same girl I kissed a friend of mine on the lips that had visited me. I immediately retracted the kiss realizing the mistake I had made and messaged my gf and told her what happened. Again she forgave me and again I'm still a piece of shit. 

I later marry this girl that I've spent all these years treating like this and really felt like I was over that phase of my life and was excited to move forward. Recently I found myself in a bit of depression with some suicidal thoughts and bouts of panic attacks etc and while on a business trip I lapsed and went and got two lap dances at a nude club. The second girls vagina I touched for about two seconds and realized I was fucking up again ( I did not enter her vagina with my finger nor did anyone touch my genitals).

 I left the strip club, I cried the remaining four hours of my trip, pulled over numerous times dry heaving because of how disgusted I was with myself and made it to the hotel.  When I got to my hotel and ended up in the phone with suicide prevention for 140 minutes discussing how I felt and how I wish I could kill myself so she could keep everything we own and I wouldn't be a burden to her anymore.

 I love this woman with all my heart. I have some demons that she has helped me get through and I continue to abuse her this way. We've been together 13 years now and I couldn't imagine a second without her. I want to put this part of my life behind me and be the best I can to her. I want to have children with her, I want to grow old together, and I want to be with her until we die. She is beautiful, loving, fun, and the other side of my personality. We know each other so well and have been through so much together outside of my poor sexual decisions. I want to be able to forgive myself as well but I don't know if I will ever get there and I don't know if she left would I be able to continue living. I understand that I should not threaten her with my suicide if she does decide to leave because that would be abuse. Regardless, I still think I would do it. 

I want to explain as well that in every other way I treat her like a god. She's a bit a crazy sometimes and I love it, I support her in every adventure in her life, I encourage her to pursue her dreams, I set aside my goals sometimes to help her reach hers, I've been the bread winner and I continue to help her pay her debts down with my own money despite us being financially separate. 

I guess I'm asking for any support, I'm asking if I deserve to be alive and I'm asking for help. I'm desperate, I'm scared, I'm terrified, and I want to find help for my problems. I don't know why I do it despite loving her endlessly. 

",5.2386477313326205,4.994667303858523,6.192384780278674,81.43985619864239,68.08360128617363,9.419149696320117,30.139514112182933,9.075114841892004,2.287686888174348,2381,80,496,39,36,793,265,622,0.1,0.718,0.183,0.9907,1,0,0,0,2,3,49.0,4,0,0,2,22,36,6,2,27,0,41,21,9,5,3,105,96,48,5,24,8,0,6,4,3,6,3,0,0,8,22,44,1,2,19,6,5,11,9,12,3,8,26,6,109,24,74,53,17,66,1,1,0,11,63,23,3,7,35,356,131,5,0.13174357929421615,0.15609459859413685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479507579994967,0.06907231491213651,0.0,0.0,0.06532711505204085,0.04605908691665443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847436938462212,0.07493867028389907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046449470709072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912837926817501,0.0,0.14382986730139988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518652799381784,0.0,0.07235706782639817,0.0,0.0,0.05673527590017529,0.0,0.06836451783933105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764484702234132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058342853844324125,0.0,0.07346445787774034,0.0,0.059584804966937785,0.11099964760936017,0.0,0.05920131709730489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974174441184627,0.0,0.06020562236936827,0.0,0.0,0.07222501735631495,0.050892381279316494,0.06089740808487421,0.1720764566637913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805106304988828,0.0,0.07256520274752012,0.0,0.0582502060400116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805838789212452,0.2649148324963421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487044394082885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585498732642608,0.07287737552693599,0.0,0.14480565157570502,0.0,0.0,0.06974871410070732,0.1431397843796764,0.0,0.1395815792640262,0.12872651643584446,0.0,0.05816599708552748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780744785156024,0.12465896015467146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700112876971061,0.04842334469588257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912136240693195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728635228093676,0.0,0.07133272902877752,0.0,0.04566720490949396,0.05751670592648394,0.0,0.07230744410534523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303040651277206,0.0,0.0662193425057262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042199155191510886,0.0,0.06504044544460398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594915286337005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352328909394073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029776859657966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781588890672008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615913934954487,0.1495010525510286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042207983019576976,0.0,0.05229484302949923,0.07682074054025757,0.0,0.0,0.1258866357626824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930415008195016,0.06857485611607284,0.07923565236593283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108231057046764,0.10457192108489148,0.0,0.0,0.17767994932998155,0.06106380894408967,0.05943904445505404,0.0,0.07574930722222628,0.06349805457951695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403802882339931,0.0,0.0,0.12725781852383944
suicidewatch,ephemeralitii,2019/02/16,"I might die tonight. I've decided that death by intoxication/alcohol poisoning is my way to go. I've debated suicide for a long while now, trying many methods and none of them have worked until this one I believe. I won't say what I'm drinking or how much because I want to protect others from a similar demise. All I'll day is that I've drank a bit already, and I plan on drinking more. I tried to get in contact with my old friends to explain myself and my actions before I go, but not one of them gave me the time of day. I've effectively ruined my own life. There is no coming back for me. My life is ruined. I see no reason to continue. Everyone is better off without me and their lives cannot ever get better with me around and existing. I just wanted to apologize before I go, but even that's not possible. 

To my family, I'm so glad you existed. I believe I'll die quite soon, but you all made my life worth living to begin with. Please forgive me and continue to live for each other. I love you all endlessly and equally. I always will. 

XXOO. 
-B",2.243793859649124,4.0543754212962995,4.358499025341132,84.06271929824564,77.19444444444444,7.510331384015593,26.18323586744639,8.371475516178862,1.8524203703703697,825,32,167,16,19,284,129,216,0.125,0.715,0.159,0.7845,0,0,4,0,0,1,26.0,0,3,3,6,10,9,1,0,4,0,10,8,0,4,4,35,27,15,4,2,8,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,7,13,3,1,5,2,1,5,8,3,0,2,3,2,32,6,26,21,10,25,0,2,1,1,14,4,0,2,15,115,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985484452478827,0.0,0.0,0.1340868366597936,0.0,0.1011041916252715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816766916895564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343196861968504,0.0,0.07407000381646013,0.0,0.20678831169325704,0.27379527667669445,0.0,0.21492748222778327,0.13265500568245733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466817778284976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672490858626195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522117463530928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380626962079985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025473072081354,0.1099107270246409,0.0,0.11610587352799105,0.0,0.0,0.11454670393815768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938765953757618,0.0,0.12696558101506464,0.0,0.20716698358403654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574735767729593,0.0,0.0,0.3218807394602113,0.10753054559205666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096654990300904,0.11497358217701847,0.0,0.12318979909688847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289005335877934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932218580630466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275019562335577,0.0,0.16467360812134058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333790343917696,0.0,0.13698174458508086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923846139078368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493021624898375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662784917057743,0.0,0.0,0.09682595451445918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290976993274276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708521530618089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499158860534968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433368521681573,0.09644720561879253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712914638820393,0.0,0.08845909776169929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Basedbrahhh,2019/02/16,"Feeling empty Im not sure if this the right place for such a post. But as of lately I've become so hollow from what i used to be. Its becoming more and more difficult when i wake up to convince myself that i should carry on being here. With each passing day the thought of dying seems less and less scary to me. The prozac medication doesn't make me feel any different. I have plently reasons why i should care for my well being but well, i don't. I'm currently at AIT in the army and this whole TRADOC training environment just makes me feel even worse. Has anyone ever felt like this before? I'd appreciate any feedback. ",2.5386827956989246,4.807896685483868,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,78.11290322580646,6.391397849462368,22.43010752688172,7.492282038375204,0.9296688172043016,495,15,98,7,12,160,93,124,0.087,0.794,0.118,0.4346,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,9,3,1,4,2,24,20,9,1,3,5,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,2,4,11,6,14,13,6,13,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,6,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23075329618024934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118632304279777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37475887534695024,0.1443707043391577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298272110018872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941858973950193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608339255468816,0.17726170885796114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206080175266596,0.15346988371871045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573601097206769,0.0,0.1629030727304225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326513858848306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138723757455245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288876467702486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22650272047027256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091760837833686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726170885796114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249024086952665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444180636150722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489126254201445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445480984747584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599053558972026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469345889910567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465343452189036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050947992299859,0.0,0.15309445496935073,0.1894226642280129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729010768765901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwwy600,2019/02/16,"It started again Throwaway for obvious reasons.

Cutting gives me the same release smoking weed does. I'd rather smoke but my SO hates it. At least they dont see my cuts. I need some sort of release from my thoughts. Idk why I am posting this.. maybe thought I'd share to see if anyone feels they same. Maybe so I can tell ""someone"". I dont know.",0.10257142857143008,2.4838712571428587,0.9628571428571426,100.62714285714287,93.57142857142857,3.371428571428572,24.142857142857146,4.935628992294339,0.03911428571428521,268,12,59,1,10,82,53,70,0.117,0.81,0.073,-0.4779,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,14,14,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,10,1,5,12,4,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,2,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386846698708827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005732041141945,0.0,0.4822859410157316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403575617936853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737865230051266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314016408031565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307739958545597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134164934744599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256449945494893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970561222441549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115500951621212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32791970600408976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433528562649725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563423234529962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983867269546733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266924900877283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566160941054013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakerofTheShoez,2019/02/16,This sub is filled with attention deprived wimps. Reddit isn't about to save your life. Quit begging for attention and actually seek help. Reading this sub has been more of an anti depressant than any medication. ,5.2174324324324335,8.492847432432434,5.239121621621624,73.97597972972977,74.67567567567569,9.105405405405406,30.871621621621625,9.516144504307137,3.7045729729729735,173,8,27,5,4,54,33,37,0.28300000000000003,0.6579999999999999,0.059,-0.8478,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.3902976143556224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719825774546947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34447997455895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680808759356789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824994862007375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029117887253916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42540053310943815,0.4000624427604593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,se7enrings,2019/02/16,"I (29f) have nothing going on in life. Hi everyone, I am truly at the lowest point in my life. I see everyone living amazing lives around me (getting married, great jobs, traveling, having kids) and I am honestly a loser. I am ugly, live at home, do not date, barely leave the house (only for work). I cannot do it another day. I cry a lot, barely sleep, and am sad most of the time. It no way to live.",1.6588501742160275,3.185102585365853,4.232229965156797,85.58402439024394,78.02439024390246,7.124738675958188,22.68989547038328,7.957251820313856,1.1747261324041811,300,9,63,5,7,106,60,82,0.201,0.652,0.147,-0.4532,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,5,0,9,3,1,0,0,6,12,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,9,3,9,12,2,13,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,2,3,40,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944912909600472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234571964915994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879828817364022,0.11036740076292342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270521218403532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941055566336051,0.0,0.09725950906938167,0.0,0.0,0.18867605853202135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716615550064278,0.0,0.0,0.19746588870530624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698242860473525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812064068919592,0.0,0.0,0.2417542915579275,0.0,0.0,0.6044585320921189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549217615575452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420787943598514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301552699264872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177713349743314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637179976746402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712577900516341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978972764989208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358383615088793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245877350557649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,falselyfalsum,2019/02/16,"What is this resistance from ending it, despite there being no emotions? I'm mainly asking to try and understand, not so much for concern.

I know the steps to take. It's not like suicide is hard; a knife and an artery. In the past I wouldn't even get that far and there'd be emotions bubbling up, though they got weaker and weaker over time.

So then just now, when there was no emotions, no thoughts as to why I should stop, and no tangible fear... yet I couldn't make the plunge. Like so many other things in my life I just didn't do it, without any reason or pull away.

Why? I really want to know. If it was fear of pain there'd be *fear.* If it was a survival instinct there'd be some sort of *pull* or something, wouldn't there? No guilt. No what ifs. No thinking. I was literally keeping my mind blank and seeing it as step-by-step instructions.

Surely someone has gotten there and despite whatever change in life/perspective that kept them alive, they'd still know why from hindsight or whatever. If it's simply as boring as it being an unfamiliar task or cultural taboo like our innate avoidance of peeing anywhere other than in a toilet, then I guess it's just a matter of pushing through.",3.005238095238095,5.074630297872343,3.6874772036474175,88.5566666666667,75.80851063829788,6.348530901722393,24.381965552178322,7.2636822038024595,1.024558257345492,940,31,186,11,21,297,134,235,0.105,0.77,0.125,0.18600000000000005,0,1,1,0,0,1,38.0,1,0,3,1,17,11,0,5,9,0,19,3,1,2,1,45,37,26,1,9,14,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,17,7,0,5,7,0,0,4,14,7,0,0,9,2,14,4,25,18,3,22,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,11,13,128,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544736307623711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746723795134195,0.0,0.11805376783694226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292267956726234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42402324603483094,0.1112899783360876,0.0,0.0,0.08299166401934888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42417878237508777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564774902977116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049502337653686,0.0,0.1384193488935915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255910871684592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116848713733973,0.0,0.0,0.20716441815398584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750281207086335,0.1841610019238738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838733856207224,0.1273909503581276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268722467164182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236834722801178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370210876394814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199486226667603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049560070536946,0.12919072109117855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001280175416841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646415093533122,0.09673270231005854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034549049419374,0.10505032247400918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744240211233405,0.0,0.1184250992671425,0.0,0.09447432840444846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347730684731264,0.08051243993638911,0.12345201034209792,0.09975329563705013,0.07326842952608836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530915476614165,0.0,0.0,0.13080769535068806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411253997046745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401429412780215,0.0,0.0,0.1211236107406431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shannenlynn09,2019/02/16,Wrote a note. My journal has a little pocket inside the back cover and I just wrote a suicide note and put it in there just incase.,3.2877777777777766,4.4380883333333365,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,73.07407407407408,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.07928148148148217,103,2,20,0,2,34,21,27,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943087714799189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5139567000100933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155020080503805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5609160212944161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gkgk_76,2019/02/16,"End of the line Well I guess I’m done with life. Every bit of actual happiness I have had is always taken away by my mom. I get yelled at constantly every day and I’ve been threatened with getting punched, and being mercilessly beaten. All I have to do is go to walgreens or somewhere to get an xacto knife and I’ll carry the rest of the plan out from there. I hate living like this so I’m not going to live anymore.",1.1605747126436758,3.3061570114942533,3.235172413793105,89.0854022988506,82.33333333333334,5.705747126436782,20.011494252873558,6.937597516519254,0.4167839080459768,328,9,68,4,9,111,64,87,0.106,0.8029999999999999,0.091,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,2,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,1,10,19,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,4,1,6,3,14,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,4,44,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.19892885513196826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696200935663733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216509546987055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152442158188335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225521426381888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029016277168828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146682264723394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086100182174233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805511939112336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435059750945981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31951069562927803,0.0,0.2317060751851444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456450326264052,0.0,0.0,0.21700283646567786,0.0,0.2012603403974037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398576188599865,0.0995911439837238,0.0,0.3600077653675146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387474493873805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832862402835452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SOLODOLOGUY,2019/02/16,"I’m having suicidal thoughts and anxiety attacks but have no money for ER.... I am having horrible anxiety attacks and I’ve been depressed for a while now but couldn’t afford it before. I have some money now(I make around 18k an year, which isn’t that much) and my current health insurance has a ER policy saying is 20% coinsurance AFTER I pay my deductible which is $1000. I haven’t hit my deductible yet. I come from a poor background and family so I don’t have that much money. I’m just looking for an affordable way to get help....",3.2544549266247387,5.15100216037736,4.6995597484276725,82.34659329140463,74.56603773584905,8.107337526205452,26.872117400419288,8.841846274778883,2.2269802935010485,423,16,80,9,9,141,68,106,0.273,0.727,0.0,-0.9812,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,5,0,14,1,0,1,0,13,22,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,3,2,0,2,2,9,0,7,18,3,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,6,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34147533264486885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868400697561256,0.0,0.5078155265560419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991594567302492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225608839041936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922308862460562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104011142990785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660614755716553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23723765306606326,0.0,0.0,0.149597736218817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742111284302007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897924946937194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281366775149149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748749146714005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441306710159102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771857783744024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715568266531714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437252975827564
suicidewatch,riptothafallen,2019/02/16,"Broke I live in the hoods of chicago i gotta provide for my self alone my mom doesent love me my father is gone i work full time and dropped outta school because i have a dyslexia, i cannot pay my bills nobody cant help me and im close to beimg evicted from my apartement my credit card is overflown because food is expensive. I just feel like im never gonna get my life straight again and i cannot think of my self living in the streets im afraid the worst will happen....  anybody willing to help me anything ",1.2612064570943071,3.41302380373832,2.3195242141036547,95.7580798640612,81.99065420560748,4.264740866610025,24.68054375531011,4.851557810540192,0.212895327102804,405,16,87,1,11,128,73,107,0.125,0.758,0.117,-0.2311,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,4,0,9,3,0,0,1,8,17,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,4,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,18,3,8,12,2,12,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,47,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276473594109455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521583003638672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151431053119691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922611114369837,0.12606677956166576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133824294767816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219578763289188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604760028648246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365618178412049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5718381173363624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464259481695955,0.08621198682651031,0.0,0.3116440225887753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159266739511611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667391836378196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610084682833126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859221110881834,0.0,0.0,0.3681833942960897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130717796708462,0.0,0.0,0.10289828164129962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846877281595204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ieatlotsofvegetables,2019/02/16,"cold, dark, sad night I spent a lot of this evening shivering outside and in the bus. it was a typical evening for me whenever i try to do anything or improve my life instead of safely sitting indoors staring at my laptop. i guess a lot of the purgatory feelings could be greatly reduced by being able to drive, but i cant. 

it scares me that things only get worse for me. fighting against the shit that is my life seems to make things worse. its been that way for so long. i cant remember ever having stability or a safe place to live. i genuinely feel like this life is a punishment, and it terrifies me. i am alive because it is too hard to die. i dont want to be in the hospital again. they treated me like garbage. 

i have only bad luck. i am not one of the lucky ones who get to enjoy being alive. i guess nothing will ever change that. its easier to accept it than suffer through the delusion of hope. 

i dont really have anyone to call. ""just call anyone"" is interesting advice ive heard, but for an isolated miserable fuck, it sure doesnt work very well. the one time i tried a suicide hotline, it put me off trying again. i feel like im stuck in my own nightmare. 

i am sooo afraid for my future. i feel like its completely out of my hands and i dread what is to come. in all the time ive spent feeling hopeless i have never been proven wrong. it really does only get worse. how the fuck is that possible unless im really in purgatory or something? or maybe the world really is this shit.

also, fuck you, oc transpo. fuck you so very much for giving me so many miserable days and nights just like this one. you are one of the worst parts of my hell. ",2.253035714285716,4.131902517857147,3.8089523809523813,87.70271428571432,77.39285714285714,7.099047619047619,24.29523809523809,8.021203637495839,1.3353780952380951,1290,44,270,22,30,428,174,336,0.264,0.574,0.162,-0.9951,0,0,1,0,2,2,39.0,0,3,1,1,17,37,9,5,18,0,32,10,3,2,5,42,56,16,2,3,10,0,7,5,0,1,3,1,0,0,24,6,0,2,8,0,2,3,7,20,1,5,7,10,38,17,37,43,7,27,1,5,1,4,10,10,7,12,17,188,62,2,0.08137074793501392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951455313244944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507215772518912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379263784057594,0.0,0.06696119231346181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794117566732473,0.04960285268520781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617726287334186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607946193910546,0.07009369428759345,0.08531568106659711,0.0,0.0,0.06496792102808764,0.0,0.0,0.05247740078406368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444998957223855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712080898657245,0.0,0.19073182112425607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748922317055128,0.14720900014091293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571747536678436,0.17439383575025447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009037811006263,0.12753857202682906,0.07805823600215653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897115368623281,0.17927810533931252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728922073060412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808195129013663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578874212053208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242369705622348,0.1987681862290457,0.0,0.07185186120782737,0.0720105513343784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835700009773222,0.0,0.0,0.05431560610083469,0.08249716676220002,0.08174785327260432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059816862370490324,0.0,0.06275813715497362,0.0,0.0,0.15272186946274954,0.0,0.07807742722485357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756946234613703,0.18565836153273216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811659049212021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501511271122678,0.0,0.0,0.09173329211718743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180007642607535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851273897700864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217719513105796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146631392469812,0.0,0.0,0.07407687284847317,0.0,0.0,0.16705180685244733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264317717543436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900639123409418,0.0,0.07669096694550433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811821851524042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489587497425517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573618959509648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427877776099936,0.04799457537545395,0.06458831221425937,0.0,0.0,0.07316207462754991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592388736176207,0.0,0.2487712315297748,0.0,0.08896613907292647,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anilhe,2019/02/16,"What reason would be good enough for someone to end their life? Also, how do you think one can ensure that they disappear without causing any further pain or problems?",7.2650000000000015,8.686040166666668,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,64.0,7.333333333333332,35.0,7.1686216300943375,2.583,135,6,21,1,2,40,30,30,0.213,0.645,0.142,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,0,8,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374945861256822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201956403109514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050799938327653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630358962258307,0.3068594530920402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490925109197808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976556898351406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124115377439986,0.0,0.3160073757926562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841694976184019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30534462863904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516299650326757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902926221446596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862778660002904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096588239464426,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kayola007,2019/02/16,"10 years I’m giving myself 10 years before I decide to finally end everything.
10 years to pay off debt.
10 years to say goodbye.
10 years to do my bucket list items.
10 years.
I’m tired of pushing forward and screwing everything up. I’m sick of being alive. There’s no hope for me. ",0.14172413793103544,2.5224517068965504,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,92.27586206896551,4.968965517241379,19.318965517241374,6.6274283507984215,0.3663379310344825,221,7,45,3,8,74,38,58,0.215,0.6659999999999999,0.12,-0.6486,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,9,6,1,12,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,9,19,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711166510759464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811008362858965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614616304940808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202892505379924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192908216676573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973226279467973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991845782142464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311286034800957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7769897838783205
suicidewatch,sassyshower,2019/02/16,"At this point I just want to join a suicide cult and chug the kool-aid. been on a chatline waiting for an opening for three hours now. As soon as the chat opens I enter and the chat doesn't work sending me back to the end of the line. I tried several different browsers and now I am on chrome and it did it again. I have to again wait inline past 70 plus people to get help. I'm having a fucking panic attack now and want to start engaging in self harm like hitting myself on the head or smashing my non functional air vent.  


I'm not doing well. And I wanted to talk to a chatline anon because I have a history of them send out police to ""wellness check"" and usually police are the worst fuckers to end up helping me. So fucking ignorant, and when I did reach out and called on of their numbers for help they (the police) just ignored me. They did that nice gesture for their camera recording and not for me.  


I feel empty inside.   
27 year old loser barely can hold a job long enough to find myself in a better place. I got an inattentive lawyer and a hard ass judge with a denial rate of 51% and climbing due to judge me at a hearing in April.  


I did manage to get a job, even though I am going for disability. But I literally was only able to work a single day, I got triggered when a racial joke came up and was told ""if I'm offended I should move to <insert nearest city 2 hours away>""

​

At this point I just want to join a suicide cult and chug the kool-aid.   
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suicidewatch,rach3121,2019/02/16,"Too expensive to live I’ve overdosed. I know it won’t kill me, but I can dream of dying while I slide into and out of consciousness for the next 12 hours.

Life is getting harder, and harder, and I don’t know how I’m meant to keep going.

My health insurance is going up by a minimum of $20/month in April (I’m in Australia, health insurance is a must for appropriate inpatient mental health care).

My rent will be going up by $5-10/week as of May. Moving somewhere cheaper means I won’t be able to access public transport, and will be even more socially isolated.

My physical health isn’t improving. It looks like I’m collecting more chronic illnesses every year that I’m alive. None have a cure. Treatment is to manage symptoms. There’s no guarantees.

I’ve already been rejected, and am appealing NDIS. Disability support would be fucking amazing. An electric wheelchair would mean I can leave the house independently, and try to build some kind of life. As it is I’m stuck at home. I have a small collapsible mobility scooter which allows me to get to the local shops, but no further.

I’m on disability, and that never increases with the cost of living. 

I had to quit work a year ago because I became too unwell to work, and my manager simply chose not to give me any shifts.

I’m just done. I don’t think I was ever meant to be alive this long (31). Suicide is entirely logical. It solves so many problems that I can’t otherwise solve. ",3.2170212765957444,5.304119539007097,4.751753191489363,81.08580000000002,75.24113475177305,8.199943262411347,27.59205673758865,8.954980946260402,2.4176472056737586,1138,46,215,26,25,381,171,282,0.12,0.774,0.106,-0.6505,1,1,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,2,0,10,0,32,10,0,3,3,36,58,15,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,2,0,9,11,0,1,9,2,4,7,11,4,0,0,7,1,19,5,32,38,5,28,0,1,1,1,3,11,1,2,11,129,28,4,0.11733142963640128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400723299930584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947815023459386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978939561891499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152415047539334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962721224417985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177149971883484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200707891203094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749630269577548,0.10613299545724247,0.09885678993173333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847101604538416,0.12260165861769792,0.11255499866294877,0.2000464660986717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988712921539616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769299054533028,0.0,0.1155478235751809,0.13538471658111584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428956571437899,0.12980984279511953,0.12218262851946525,0.12896457049238513,0.0,0.0,0.12423704266392123,0.0,0.0,0.1657493173096025,0.057322209880912266,0.0,0.20721160396076496,0.1038346230234468,0.09852885021891354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895565375522905,0.0,0.2556166475225868,0.0,0.0,0.11824248442672385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365282772864164,0.12470474113720224,0.0,0.0,0.09049323178878986,0.0,0.1247833065143604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122703322063417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479641802946093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960461661896142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283415403605917,0.13314631591104067,0.0,0.12195228079424955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518124247552357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966033888579861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411619553158647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083735637176534,0.0,0.0,0.16669776242104986,0.0,0.0,0.15111518764762866
suicidewatch,ragamuffin_77,2019/02/16,"A frustrating cycle I am so exhausted from going through this endless cycle. I want to die, to kill my self. But before I do so I have to get things in order. I want to write a letter to my kids, clean the house and say my goodbyes. But when I think about doing those things it reminds me of what I would be missing and how much grief and trauma I would put my kids through so I think no I can’t do it. 

Then I feel guilty and shitty for thinking about it and it sends me into a shame spiral. Then i get impulsive and think fuck it I’m just going to do it it tonight 

And we are back to square 1. I so wish I could have a terminal disease. That would make it ok to die. 

",0.8430610079575587,2.3896013379310332,2.675862068965518,95.7441909814324,80.44827586206897,5.564986737400532,20.119363395225466,6.297961479604792,-0.0873183023872679,514,13,123,4,13,171,83,145,0.264,0.667,0.069,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,0,10,9,3,1,5,1,14,2,0,2,0,27,30,17,4,7,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,14,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,0,3,21,1,17,25,1,12,0,2,1,1,8,2,1,0,5,92,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674827808641554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132906846667926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419910758509616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691404830325569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992144180216262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441056959337114,0.18582852139961592,0.0,0.2021415774493626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520392616240787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196754035970697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870983746609795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073314502926509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877870605414398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142581157694206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552630636002315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23629849813773904,0.4558117494895233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097897326782098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450766524171374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378998119526947,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lightdarkdarker,2019/02/16,"It’s not depression. It’s who I am. I am not depressed. I am Void of emotions. Perhaps a sociopath or another form of soul dis function. 
Too scared to live and too scared to die. 
Interim zombie land. I am faking it to everyone around me. No one really knows what it’s like to be me. Void. Dark. Fake. 
Looking for someone to do a joint suicide with because why not. Better than being alone. 
This is the secret I keep, until now. 

I’m sick of myself. Utterly disgusted with my being, my soul, my core. Ugly. Although I am not ugly physically.  My insides are bleak, dark, devious.... And I have cultivated a life that I dreamed of because I am so dark inside, I sought out the most enlightened, loving, giving, gorgeous, light, hopeful, creative, humanitarian, loving people in my life- a community that one could only dream of having. And I did. I created this community. And now I cannot keep faking who I am. An outsider. A fake. A liar. Lowlife. 
I want to disappear. 
I can’t be around people because I have nothing to give, because I am empty inside. No love lives in me, and I can only give as much as I have to offer. Empty. And what is life without love, connection and emotions?!?
I am stuck in this place. Between worlds empty and alone even though I have friends and people that love me and a family this is so loving. I am an outsider.... And no one knows. It’s fucking crazy. 35 now and it’s been this way for so long. I am dumb, empty, and envious of everyone around for their love. Love is everything and I don’t have it in me. Never have. 
Spirit Soul Source Connection. 
I want to die and I want a partner to do it with me.....

Any takers?",0.11212962962962793,2.481197262345681,2.6341135802469147,87.71891111111111,96.43827160493828,5.3080493827160495,21.294814814814814,6.918507183188421,0.9610485925925928,1259,48,246,22,50,431,147,324,0.213,0.598,0.189,-0.461,0,2,0,0,0,2,77.0,0,0,1,1,13,26,5,2,12,0,36,13,0,0,1,41,59,24,3,5,6,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,20,22,0,2,4,2,0,1,12,13,0,3,3,2,40,13,36,51,3,19,4,2,1,9,18,11,2,3,7,185,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739789774737829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571168541309766,0.08807203168813063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430976036635356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480087299102745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428333623939923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706008940354928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468288845599697,0.0,0.17433908184917085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895745107473386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547535461861928,0.0,0.0,0.16051426375540573,0.07548581920274937,0.0,0.07917937004198666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489134499716663,0.07764845381827043,0.0,0.2417158592495928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342215165502671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493103655212794,0.0,0.0,0.09231866595479518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797627439674274,0.041033827551103005,0.0,0.1483314275771631,0.07432951422894614,0.07053140234981832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6064422514142794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174315069541264,0.0,0.0647791436421868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080591762322734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074370678480874,0.12775809072007355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468663919893954,0.0,0.08775286277981581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380687382443674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681795633511493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116541880556505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187267283903316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252086680070242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486204482750122,0.0666682560096087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757889382079753,0.0,0.0,0.08096445996019802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imbreakingapart123,2019/02/16,"I am so overwhelmed I need it to end. I have depression, anxiety, and I have been diagnosed with BPD.

I have not worked since January 8th because I had a breakdown at work because of stress and two men touching and bullying me. 

Since then I have been on Short Term Disability. 

I don't know why my anxiety has gotten so bad these past couple of days. 

I want to cut myself again, I feel it's my only way to relieve myself. I don't care about the scars I already have anymore I just need the relief so badly. But I haven't cut myself since October.. I don't want to but it's my only choice right now.

What if the cutting doesn't help like it has done before? I have to kill myself for this to end it's so unbearable I CANNOT handle it right now.

I have called the urgent crisis line and I still feel so terrible I cant come down I'm so lonely I don't want to be here anymore. 

Recently I talked about trauma I experienced as a child with my psychologist and I am proud that I was able to talk about it. I told myself I would be strong and continue. But these feelings and anxiety are killing me. ",1.5108970764917906,3.530086515418504,3.456998398077693,88.65543752503004,80.3215859030837,6.770444533440129,22.21245494593512,7.84624498591911,1.0353541850220265,857,27,183,15,22,289,121,227,0.255,0.6629999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9919,0,2,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,0,4,15,19,5,2,6,0,28,1,0,0,0,26,42,19,2,7,6,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,12,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,7,5,38,6,20,32,1,20,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,1,13,130,50,2,0.123382554378411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615571685815034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831619491597465,0.0,0.24472468012403556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603855842646765,0.1504257199072264,0.0,0.10498946622149878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539600802853382,0.0,0.12598738301693166,0.0,0.12579673720498222,0.0,0.0,0.10628314555901144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652044964602114,0.0,0.0795715403900238,0.0,0.1062692132918974,0.12523069551172095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626319063702224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185606425938372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871577801740457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270072540722434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27300903154687,0.0,0.06780782515381772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602784837757413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297320139384385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767598487123413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778260918122516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182538746641193,0.0,0.0,0.2107360545766786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30618997194587405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853346730634187,0.0,0.14133429917433302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983404471225458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178973181517794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052682744136275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218322681912424,0.09793532868040096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133356439782807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796479381332272,0.0,0.0,0.08764742661199819,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,macabrepeen,2019/02/16,"idk i don't expect any pity or answer after this i just needed to let it out since i feel like i can't do it anywhere else.
i've been thinking about killing myself a lot lately because of school, mental health, people around me. 
i've always been so close to doing it but then i'm too much of a coward to finish it.. my girlfriend has been stopping me all these times before but i still feel like crap, it's still the old shit that i can't escape from. i'm basically just stuck and don't know what to do.. i just feel alone and maybe empty? 
whenever i let out my emotions and say what i think and how i feel, everything turns into shit.. my gf who i'd talk about it just suddenly switches and gets all dry and moody/sad just bc i said i was not in the right place.. so i decided to go quiet and don't talk about it at all anymore. it feels so wrong now to type this,, but i'm glad i found this subreddit, i feel like nothing's bad going to happen after i ended this, but it still feels wrong in a way.. i just hope i'm not annoying or smth ",0.8509226190476156,2.5823523660714294,2.7405357142857163,94.41279761904764,81.14285714285714,5.516666666666668,18.25595238095238,6.42735559955562,-0.2323815476190476,806,17,187,7,21,269,122,224,0.184,0.728,0.08800000000000001,-0.9731,0,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,19,14,5,0,5,0,15,4,3,1,3,48,39,18,1,3,14,0,7,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,18,12,0,1,13,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,7,10,23,5,22,30,5,27,0,1,0,0,7,10,3,4,17,119,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200018230769215,0.0,0.0,0.0964094647865852,0.0,0.0,0.07879258429563588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490754569801208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314495298516188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674294009064513,0.07063059710869896,0.0,0.09859309556798472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679084505281194,0.13033321003598394,0.10262253489884793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413253431323152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100959172305081,0.24832323312707555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704065495314118,0.0,0.0,0.060534996201485815,0.0,0.1316981863806059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024595714525151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315971951790156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508068881610907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818812451830405,0.0,0.0636767061139566,0.0,0.13070144868415995,0.0,0.0,0.2369608615767936,0.0,0.16981824535777815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985047935961287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640257316733325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676527750649407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517455101239603,0.08591287764690685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111761724794295,0.0,0.12158146128382046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803266213555871,0.0,0.12105489601907428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098948593207744,0.11021472288457476,0.09214097924388834,0.0,0.1172621775751314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23786875607648275,0.095845225406802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775912643926684,0.0968688335230673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625676805418115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848400189658895,0.0,0.0,0.06756216578026439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602850610570426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196872379270707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533616993786423,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lysaaint,2019/02/16,i want to die. it’s getting harder to fight it. i’m depressed. i’ve been used. i don’t know how to go on. in november i was raped by my manager. he gave me an std. i fell apart. i met a man who was helping me heal but last night something bad happened. we were drinking and high and playing truth or dare w his friend. the man i like dared me to suck off his friend. my dumbass said yes but i immediately regretted it but couldn’t stop. i just finished as fast as i could. the guy i liked was also drunk. he said it was a test and has to reevaluate what we have. he said he won’t leave but everything i say from now on is invalid. i told him i only want him and last night was just gross and i wasn’t in the right state of mind to do that. i have other things going on but i’m tired of people mistreated sexually. i have a disgusting empty pit in my stomach. i can’t feel anything except pain. i’m cutting and it relieves me for a bit but i need more. please help me i need advice. i’m so confused. suicide hotline chats take forever and idk if i want a therapist. i want real people with similar experiences. who know how i feel. this really is a cry for help. i don’t want to die but at the same time i’m really really ready to die. ,-0.7377443609022549,1.3940195112781986,2.057458646616542,93.84806766917295,92.609022556391,5.596390977443608,18.878195488721804,7.110495986334442,0.3660583458646616,954,30,222,17,35,331,146,266,0.257,0.579,0.16399999999999998,-0.9874,0,0,2,0,1,3,28.0,2,0,0,0,7,18,5,1,11,1,21,8,1,3,1,45,50,22,4,11,12,0,2,2,2,1,4,4,0,3,12,10,2,1,4,4,0,3,6,11,0,0,14,6,37,7,26,33,3,24,0,2,0,2,29,11,1,3,11,132,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929521031548296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944369155178496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204022796537173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338724536717627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210752729495253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930041499065883,0.0,0.12285824634851275,0.0,0.0,0.09633331908802906,0.0,0.3482373606274391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956709483211144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052051884617064,0.1094074437467228,0.0,0.0,0.11310601066112165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282482290404744,0.0,0.058435236083091625,0.0,0.12713000901579008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074572585313172,0.09890558557023846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490527000277655,0.1181720815534443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293594080282995,0.18233982604469887,0.0,0.11842940789193185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092852055987473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293318961940328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586568441055075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099209287499992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506438495079739,0.11901267607645405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508070957987874,0.0,0.0,0.12277398805103062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273059255926065,0.21495540214495631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551639162475736,0.3191752088406625,0.08894491142153084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610498272957155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350877197007576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234203508819758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409472930445609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986253180140914,0.07430591612503305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521865623835328,0.12855122193884158,0.0,0.10687422647932787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659955789499462,0.0,0.0,0.32985013453605433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,withoutfaithx,2019/02/16,"what do you guys do? I’ve had severe chronic depression for years and although i’m always passively suicidal, every now and then something will come over me and I just won’t be able to take it anymore. It becomes all I can think about. I’m actively trying to find ways and methods to end it. I tried to slit my wrists earlier on impulse but the pain was too much to continue. I have been in bed since. I have work tomorrow morning and i’m going to lose my mind. I can’t seem to distract myself. I can’t get my mind off dying. I tried watching netflix or reading but I can’t enjoy anything. I’m in so much emotional pain and I don’t even know why. Everything hurts. 

what do you guys do to calm your mind and find a little peace while going through something like this? ",1.023825597749649,3.3803267974683564,2.770042194092828,90.83694796061887,84.82278481012658,5.7895921237693395,23.967651195499297,7.1686216300943375,1.077960900140647,606,24,125,9,18,200,100,158,0.166,0.723,0.111,-0.8493,0,0,3,0,0,1,14.0,0,3,0,2,6,9,0,1,2,0,17,4,1,0,1,21,29,14,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,6,8,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,1,18,3,16,23,3,17,0,3,1,0,5,6,0,2,8,80,24,2,0.13527724993687112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125615087820248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341586818559687,0.0,0.0,0.11132165032934717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940309436152274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652937255430172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651409714693098,0.0,0.14039642791109266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216869835892086,0.11981549102902618,0.0,0.0,0.08934934775317363,0.0,0.11397691753176208,0.0,0.12157846951582968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472819113765637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067677972942649,0.0,0.15376235720914402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678914913928805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448170939280522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743448387595847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608963120132481,0.1355833430454526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134064009893014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097743776814307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988886878069436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878890633762322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531385788190115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315132768433995,0.0,0.15282478729034785,0.0,0.11190273906430856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082860720997374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797135504480766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171165649104937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866801995036004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755331186257049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073767843622014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206667703779545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848344909831296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711411372048651
suicidewatch,KaterlnaPetrova,2019/02/16,"hi i really want to die i probably sound like a spoiled brat, but I truly feel like the littlest things make me want to literally kill myself. I can’t explain the feeling of sadness and worthlessness i feel right now. 

Things that would make a normal teenager mad, just makes me so sad i want to literally jump off a roof, tie a noose around my neck, slit my wrists and shoot myself in the head. 

For example, if my dad yells at me, or any person yells at me for that matter, i think about wanting to die. 

If i do something wrong, i look in the mirror, i get a bad score on a test, if i get called on by the teacher, if my room looks messy. I literally cant explain how much EVERYTHING makes me want to fucking kill myself. 

I dont even know if its normal to think like this but, my ENTIRE life is based off of social interaction, i feel like i NEED to see my friends. They are the only thing that make me feel happy ever. I could careless about my gutter of a family.  Anyways, i’m constantly forced to stay home during weekends meaning i cant be like any other kid and go out with friends. Im not even allowed to spend the night anywhere, considering when they tell me i cant see my friends for a weekend. I literally have a mental breakdown in my room for like 4 hours until i cry myself to sleep. It feels like i have no happiness, no worth without the people i love to be around. 

I dont know of i should tell my psychiatrist, what will she do and what will happen to me? Will i never be allowed to see my friends again? Will i be locked into an insane asylum? Idfk. Im 16 and EXTREMELY depressed about everything. ",2.9352209492635017,4.379569799392101,4.337097264437691,86.5056318681319,74.41033434650457,7.128407762450316,25.11585223287351,7.748469712250963,1.2329419219078797,1260,41,264,17,26,418,170,329,0.21,0.626,0.16399999999999998,-0.9819,2,0,1,1,0,3,35.0,0,0,2,0,15,25,4,0,18,0,23,7,4,8,2,56,59,17,4,16,11,1,6,7,4,6,1,3,3,2,12,10,0,0,13,2,2,2,11,11,0,0,0,14,52,14,41,48,1,30,0,4,5,2,19,16,1,6,18,174,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457390290292176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998517860395805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033794057889961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601975405005198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103488417276892,0.0,0.06725979825818651,0.0,0.09253507796822592,0.0,0.0,0.07255688126511066,0.0,0.17485827379574115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746027896887428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112811269157719,0.07620105041522365,0.0,0.0,0.15142124074359334,0.0,0.07941517082070061,0.0,0.2555694996373009,0.18054593750910267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26033838081825195,0.07787969543924535,0.08802517189935506,0.0,0.047876254325682085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449427567338747,0.17935279391744308,0.0,0.0,0.08645584526151906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450086108872902,0.0,0.08296068052812965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199005207471067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186400964800964,0.0,0.09259359632252137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059502099371567474,0.28809220076757475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148289795344898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760310339729543,0.0,0.2811585049053555,0.0,0.0,0.09176343775525607,0.0,0.0,0.08489538506101997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192702539669544,0.062463833301203836,0.06497205970740871,0.0,0.0,0.07905472398629397,0.1650771143624279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406928088011495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840228873051793,0.07355622646501114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082633572017312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053967113830656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719415831572914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138815312733746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430210670626848,0.08587336465544977,0.0,0.06485304427780564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978998374424638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726116380274384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789846705020034,0.1079568069001597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484384143864437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120557684072692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059842580262746074,0.09210460287420613,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedditPenguid,2019/02/16,My grandma died and I feel like I'm not allowed to feel suicidal. My grandma was taken off of life support and died the same day my niece was born. All of the attention is on them atm and that's understandable...but no one has even asked me if I'm okay yet or listened to anything I have to say and it honestly hurts. I was literally preparing to kill myself last week and then this happened and I dont want my mom to go through that but I cant just not feel it. Idk what to do.,2.1098300970873787,3.2512934174757278,3.86620145631068,90.27561286407769,75.99029126213594,7.480097087378643,26.46723300970873,8.07648339933343,1.3740106796116502,374,14,88,6,8,126,69,103,0.145,0.773,0.08199999999999999,-0.7556,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,2,1,9,1,0,1,1,20,21,10,4,2,6,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,4,5,12,4,11,17,2,9,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,7,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660368131067136,0.0,0.20062903643095706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840407919704842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454573919558718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515183839316157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174622536796844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255359906643206,0.15331563615338922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196638412116025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897766976464179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297417602842079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374313946827892,0.0,0.0,0.17493375038769227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158361927397193,0.10484638102370664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513457024953781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454235916018749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066449245218884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474576555529456,0.2435340402771229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658105988569224,0.0,0.17214518626736078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1638rvdbsvziwl,2019/02/16,None Sorry. Goodbye. ,4.440000000000001,-4.166451999999996,4.661666666666669,64.3125,235.66666666666663,0.6000000000000001,34.833333333333336,3.1291,2.609133333333334,16,1,1,0,2,5,3,3,0.0,0.621,0.379,0.0572,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jasperluna,2019/02/16,I need a friend Looking for someone to talk to tonight about what’s going on in my life please ,6.468,5.063265800000004,5.780000000000005,89.24500000000003,66.0,8.0,35.0,3.1291,1.6350000000000002,76,3,17,0,1,23,19,20,0.0,0.732,0.268,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374248427629467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482098496141456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084829284320228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667522586991643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238377539844013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794102249593998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700490450872226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510356950151071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GlitchiDawn,2019/02/16,"Can't fix ugly. I understand that certain things have a chance of 'getting better,' but I'll always be hideous. 

I'm miserable and have had suicide on my mind for forever, but I feel more confident about killing myself than ever because I know that life can't ever fully get better.

If this is the hand I'm dealt, I want to fold. I shouldn't have to stick around and be mocked for life for something I have no power over.

I'm a bit intoxicated but have been planning on killing myself on March 1st and feel very alone and needed to get it out... Thanks.",4.9566795366795375,5.375990819819823,5.477168597168597,84.0372972972973,68.72972972972974,8.144658944658946,28.46975546975547,7.957251820313856,1.661899871299871,435,14,89,5,7,140,72,111,0.236,0.5920000000000001,0.172,-0.929,1,1,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,3,1,3,0,13,4,1,0,3,21,26,8,3,4,4,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,3,9,4,15,21,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958839283014489,0.0,0.0,0.15737314820401638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683677635651474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529323859572015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345441367961504,0.2064833864321393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421618204983804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126185440415053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964413177637999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184935319881781,0.0,0.1039421153368922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717934376904096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096961464849205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023913582021538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560321395860196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687993826122514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412752650440785,0.0,0.0,0.12565103506173078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968932987370642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605387920922278,0.11155507658358192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blankyoda,2019/02/16,Honestly just need to talk to someone Can anyone message me please?,3.1575000000000024,6.217299750000006,3.4666666666666686,80.89500000000002,93.16666666666666,5.7333333333333325,31.0,7.1686216300943375,2.8032,55,3,8,1,2,17,11,12,0.0,0.654,0.34600000000000003,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681342929133687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903859219933873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5779283001476333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44609356343333095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231729987160887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shenanigans614,2019/02/16,Looking to give back Hey everybody. I'm new to this sub so if this is out of place let me know and any advice or direction on the correct place to put this is appreciated. A little bit about me real quick. I tried to kill myself in high school. I am now 28 years old right now and struggle with suicidal thoughts daily but am doing well. I have a wonderful support system in place and want to give some time and energy back to other support services. I was looking for advice and resources on charities and organizations that have helped you or someone you know. Any information is appreciated.,4.646450344149461,6.5588748053097365,5.805781710914456,75.80084562438547,70.85840707964601,8.56204523107178,29.369714847590966,9.150863307647796,2.6577402163225177,475,19,85,10,9,158,76,113,0.055,0.7170000000000001,0.227,0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,0,8,5,1,1,3,0,10,0,0,0,1,21,22,11,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,9,3,15,19,2,22,0,0,2,0,7,11,0,5,9,60,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763071155387202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228462848926564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742287432119736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543488436274793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271246522606624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476311335227984,0.14937428134768452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564145034718898,0.0,0.15539599174208654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456922450922113,0.0,0.0,0.14169852546448206,0.0,0.0,0.23744487864408664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654435866555129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835308629061114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431317220253359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212456888544106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091982891997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073657473334293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308271807836426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978965162307252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779963723144454,0.0,0.1546452709445404,0.3208695803631279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223883746439628,0.08243901417324029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598680720144223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338877702933058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711636430562542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331908986197249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104320032291864
suicidewatch,ohshitsickflips,2019/02/16,"I'm condemned to a loveless life https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/ar4nrr/if_something_inherent_to_me_is_a_dealbreaker_for/?utm_source=reddit-android


I dont think I'm capable of living the rest of my life with no one who truly cares about me on an intimate level. I guess it's a lot to ask for considering the luck of other people, but it just hurts. My heart hurts. I have so much love to give and no one will ever or has ever returned it.

I don't even have a sense of self. I guess that's why I want someone else in my life. I see myself as the object created from my father's abuse, and the lack of care I received after his death. I am not a person, I'm the manifestation of a monster's abuse.",5.23932167832168,7.6122309461538515,5.629860139860143,75.74877622377623,70.30769230769229,6.573426573426572,21.048951048951047,7.348242739294969,0.5249999999999999,573,12,106,6,11,183,83,130,0.248,0.618,0.133,-0.9624,1,0,1,0,2,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,11,0,7,5,1,0,2,16,20,6,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,16,4,17,19,4,8,0,2,1,1,9,3,0,5,4,75,22,0,0.0,0.3629284001760232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317969969085262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31230443906259353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949708236998052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794175138056474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011577503512652,0.2770758006518665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692069246490938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337436057093592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814899816723852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279122187805628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245347354270246,0.0,0.0,0.13523909511937873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020731253243262,0.13822880063761486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258690037919668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756423440918104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617872602630736,0.1337294579908525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204508876081033,0.0,0.15977456801181086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976814152280144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981358476841441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090335070453375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819899923734175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icantdoit_1,2019/02/16,"I can’t feel anything but sadness and emptiness. I’ve been this way for so. Fucking. Long. I’m sick of it. I just want to fly to another country and start a new life. I’ve just had such a hole in my chest it feels like. I can’t feel real happiness. I feel like I have nobody who cares to listen or help. I can’t afford a therapist or medicine. I don’t know what it is. Anxiety hotlines and suicide hotlines don’t help, they just say the same shit every time. I just feel like nothing’s ever gonna turn out well, like I’ll never find my place in society or life. I feel so empty and any happiness is so short lived, I always just want to lie down all day in the dark and cry. I’ve kept this shit in for so long and have surprisingly not self harmed yet, but I don’t know, it sounds pretty good to me right now. ",0.07743458646616475,2.0871280457142882,2.094676691729326,96.44974436090229,85.68571428571428,5.28421052631579,18.924812030075188,6.5966054737557815,-0.08522857142857143,628,17,149,7,19,209,101,175,0.17600000000000002,0.573,0.25,0.9167,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,0,14,15,3,0,5,0,12,7,3,0,3,35,30,15,1,2,11,0,6,4,0,1,3,3,0,1,8,7,0,1,9,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,3,9,15,10,14,26,2,20,0,1,0,1,7,9,3,3,14,83,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645287387787636,0.0,0.0,0.08700076343233018,0.13415189107462014,0.09787057319001777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528030168230547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043912304128027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053152111484113,0.08250803779279138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572529856274764,0.1077914693778106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881292513410016,0.2741921851297456,0.0,0.0,0.11693104689554965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827462951720613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730651903889084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723801773211833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715054036642984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062039198978762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072974525582766,0.25001197126929403,0.0,0.1129696972685839,0.2264383983278735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867201261538504,0.12356123876999403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275789616067352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366573091909795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015675071258806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561900321865004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925651476703267,0.0,0.1017397209303716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346499075271215,0.0,0.2626486180184721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055365136890656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994105237721227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854337964508454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460042153167733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915746441685958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091975516171072,0.10154952085136518,0.0,0.0,0.11502969141341428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rational_bones96,2019/02/16,"I was ready to do it today. I had everything ready. I was about to take the pills and I had a box cutter ready to open a vein and then my husband called me. 
To say they just got to the store and after they finished there, they were coming back to pick me up to go out to dinner. Then he put my son on the phone to tell me bye. Goddamn it I’m so mad. I’m so mad that now I can’t kill myself because my son is expecting me at dinner. Because my son loves me and will probably miss me. 
All the whispers are saying my husband left me here alone on purpose. Maybe he did. 
I think I need help. ",-0.6997674418604625,1.2699227441860508,1.5764031007751953,99.07809302325585,89.0,4.370232558139535,17.127131782945735,5.6839178017228535,-0.6694831007751939,450,11,110,3,15,151,78,129,0.141,0.76,0.1,-0.7739,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,3,0,8,5,3,0,6,0,11,5,1,1,1,13,21,8,1,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,4,0,0,7,3,23,1,16,13,1,17,0,1,0,1,18,7,0,0,8,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591147155140976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751488241298666,0.0,0.2777052493575396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23258893251897994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621237284536366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047140516395755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294526706056173,0.0,0.18217654082315224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267618852299306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252004913884882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474837271189088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055804184210296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22883570952646146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889604567012514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455854553766048,0.0,0.0,0.22898189712527706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622797295284431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712622751559183,0.0,0.19908983272873088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595228010333178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590888546266665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeakDespairr,2019/02/16,I WANT THE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS TO STOP If someone could just please comfort me. I just want the thoughts to stop coming everyday. They're so intrusive. I want them to stop so bad. ,0.9359803921568606,3.3619992647058865,1.5435294117647054,94.08921568627451,100.47058823529413,5.79607843137255,26.25490196078432,7.1686216300943375,1.7571725490196082,141,7,28,3,6,43,22,34,0.3670000000000001,0.43,0.203,-0.8916,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,7,3,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168533081869694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807514414998274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285913904864266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651509025525461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466571880458814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6058433633549548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26421802809132205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38352966280799344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274198253279566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kjmjhn,2019/02/16,"A lot of pain and very suicidal from an antidepressent. What do I do? Hi. I have been very depressed and suicidal. I started wellbutrin and have had a lot of happiness and optimism and cesation suicidal thoughts from it. And then at other times in the day i am feeling worse than ever before, So so so depressed it hurts and I want to do anything to make this stop. I dont want to stop becaus i want to give it the full 14 day chance. Maybe this will go away and if i can feel happy like it made me for a while, then my life might be saved. 

Whe  i feel like i do now, i cant think, i cant try anything to improve. My perspective on life and the world is SO pessamistic. If I had my gun and was alone right now i would probably do it. Wtf do i do? Thank you",0.3315052977712796,2.3301868198757805,2.248871026671541,95.80744610887837,84.52795031055899,6.0242601388381445,21.271830471318964,7.285733465282438,0.5179233467299973,582,19,138,9,17,193,90,161,0.236,0.599,0.165,-0.9612,0,1,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,7,0,23,3,0,2,1,30,37,19,3,6,2,0,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,10,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,3,20,6,15,27,3,20,0,3,0,0,3,7,0,5,14,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505516962379652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146163312811684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225151797788369,0.0,0.0,0.07949068629591424,0.0,0.11096087462883028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681945443672014,0.0,0.22462681785826724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528279376980065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179543495653236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780261514892766,0.09315785241587324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509165128541574,0.07410937786077586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776266473228173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959599643774526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421088399438412,0.127413797246002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172299164746176,0.0,0.12338772083497465,0.08704307457747193,0.0,0.131004420271878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383338916006137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875489272523495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059335527393715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136096683416094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229785691322262,0.0,0.0,0.21804063317156694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279096104908517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005488572821812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355511419901336,0.0,0.10352310792303476,0.07603734281399842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885331033854885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518746647370704,0.2307400600095045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288883504663654,0.09263248462770114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whxcky,2019/02/16,"Why is suicide looked down onto? Why do many countries not allow people to take their own lives if they feel it isn’t worth living? Surely it’s their own choice? Why do people say it’s selfish or stupid to kill yourself if you think that your quality of life is so poor that you think your life isn’t worth living? Why is it that euthanasia is illegal in most places on the earth, there is no point in it not being legal. Why does my government not allow me to go to the nearest hospital and say “I want to die, please inject me”? ",5.7558333333333325,5.258216250000004,6.070740740740742,83.59833333333333,67.05555555555556,9.051851851851852,27.259259259259267,8.344100000000001,1.5971925925925918,417,10,87,5,6,134,68,108,0.265,0.657,0.078,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,4,3,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,10,2,0,2,1,15,17,5,3,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,6,3,0,0,0,4,11,1,11,16,3,9,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,4,0,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133660814683433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760677470155973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373022807044463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287202867949625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132659413776285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059918744715008,0.0,0.0,0.3862812897659946,0.0,0.12245083645324857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783709817791718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218441124068648,0.0,0.1523493237134433,0.16006495299779966,0.13784563972374167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192148910505755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950180007110318,0.0,0.13743223500466756,0.0,0.10963738416549262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686924705339114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600754462563573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6578926951885601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andarahrahrah,2019/02/16,"As an outsider - This sub is extremely unhealthy... How is any of this helping you? Perhaps discussing and sharing with like minds is good in a sense, but you are only enabling each other. Please, please, get off reddit and seek help irl. People are there for you. You are worthy. This circle jerk of suicide fantasies is NOT going to heal or help you!! 

This sub needs to be deleted. It is so utterly concerning that this exists. ",2.8720534458509164,5.687610101265825,3.2181434599156127,87.6242897327708,80.89873417721519,5.030098452883263,25.233473980309423,6.42735559955562,1.060998874824192,334,13,58,3,9,103,59,79,0.092,0.662,0.245,0.9088,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,5,0,1,3,4,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,10,12,7,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,9,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,1,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743495519894806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632024428438555,0.0,0.14828718977250124,0.21884781980137516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246687341868288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274726254438907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26345542567571645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346931862388408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984418736651436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088949092003426,0.0,0.0,0.5728249311455249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28540478703221484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,specialfish9,2019/02/16,"Teen thoughts Im 17 and i think very often about my death. I mean, what if i decide to kill myself? I thought that the best way for me is to jump from a palace or something like this. I also thought about writing a letter to some people. I know i may look like a depressed teen in the ages of puberty which thinks that nobody loves him etc. But im not. I haven't any reason to die but the thought is Always in my mind. I don't want to live the future. Thanks for your time",0.10695187165775266,2.106699784313726,1.5616577540106962,100.38200534759359,85.47058823529412,4.101247771836007,17.115864527629235,4.851557810540192,-0.9388156862745101,366,8,88,1,11,117,70,102,0.113,0.764,0.124,0.2656,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,1,0,7,0,5,1,0,1,0,22,17,6,3,2,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,1,15,5,13,12,3,7,0,1,1,1,5,2,0,5,5,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651632378515124,0.14204397749531808,0.0,0.0,0.11608831244175268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791490860940768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470318403875988,0.0,0.17716950725353955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903862151626202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687911032312593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888647666964187,0.0,0.09381747560002404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680007559625012,0.0,0.1507396141778239,0.0,0.14335298393999069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540719867874336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595268840387627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236792905899098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834847150500488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551779545528035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142051158543072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716637011063025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876750659805108,0.0,0.5420970915475258,0.09954208102773494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408532139022571,0.10068888478474493,0.1355012535501818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chinook206,2019/02/16,"WA - Friend in Dark Place Due to Probation Violation, Any Advice? Reach out for any advice, Washington State, Friend was arrested for a DUI a few years ago, he was compliant in his mandatory treatment/UA until the very end and had a failed drug test (alcohol), with a mandatory minimum being handed to him, he (frustratingly) left the state to avoid punishment. Fast-forwarding to today, this whole issue obviously has yet to be resolved, and has been looming in his mind. I am trying to help him get this issue resolved with the courts, but worried about his mental health as he has been signaling signs of suicide going into this; this path of avoidance has led him to a pretty dark place. I understand what he did was wrong and clearly should have been resolved when the issue/ breach of probation was committed, but the fact is that it was not. I would deeply appreciate any guidance or suggestions with regards to this situation. I know he has skipped on his bail and has avoided responsibility until now, but are there any alternative means of settling with the law (non-violent, DUI, Probation violation, Alcohol) than extended Jail time for an individual with suicidal thoughts?",11.614930555555553,9.745797341346154,10.782948717948715,58.91760683760685,56.35576923076921,14.821367521367517,44.264957264957246,13.383793397009326,6.056773931623932,949,44,151,29,9,306,131,208,0.189,0.7120000000000001,0.099,-0.9812,0,3,3,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,4,5,14,4,3,12,0,24,5,1,1,4,36,30,12,2,2,5,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,8,11,2,3,7,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,11,1,11,5,31,15,2,24,0,1,0,0,16,9,0,1,11,101,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572633370825113,0.11668600434314708,0.2813544052782889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580637805752581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265417970629222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658905830600193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340091090291254,0.0,0.06877357111325716,0.0,0.07481089580304033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992127298333445,0.0,0.0,0.08823180223138134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121765222605464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234285538913908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302122340021745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433885143507295,0.0,0.0,0.13265657256215332,0.0,0.1329132774665787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27505998256827885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391956687768014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479626456726578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287973463076787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450305566707634,0.0767571108353458,0.0,0.12477407424453113,0.0,0.0,0.08937115603553172,0.0,0.0,0.13703611275814045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861221344164852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469651710351718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336811814380637,0.0,0.09350934194156164,0.143921615123229,0.0,0.08476827492509281
suicidewatch,twotidesinapod,2019/02/16,"Real life Memento I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years. I sobered up two years ago and I have been miserable ever since. He has brain damage and he’s basically mentally stuck at age 21. He’s mid 30s now and has no motivation to get a real job or a degree. He has 100,000 in student loans that he doesn’t pay and he didn’t even graduate.  I truly do love him but I just don’t want to date or live together anymore. I can’t stay in this relationship but I can’t break up with him because I will forever feel awful about it. He can’t take care of or support himself. He will have to live with his parents, probably forever. I have tried to break it off a couple times but he just doesn’t grasp that I’m really trying to get him to move out. After a while he just forgets about the “break up” completely because his short term memory is almost non existent. I refuse to marry him because I cry after we have sex, every time. I refuse to pay his student loans. I would never trust him to watch our kids if we ended up having them. I have suffered from severe depression since childhood and I think about killing myself probably a dozen times a day on a good day.  He is the nicest, most genuine person I’ve ever met so I am going to feel so fucking bad forever. I want to blow my brains out. ",2.8225814536340827,4.233317548872183,4.477067669172932,85.52494987468674,74.63909774436091,7.7734335839599,25.44862155388472,8.418075326091056,1.6039192982456143,1012,34,212,18,21,341,148,266,0.182,0.7290000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9797,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,3,0,1,1,12,12,2,1,9,1,25,6,2,1,3,40,41,15,1,4,10,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,12,0,2,5,0,4,2,9,7,0,2,5,3,32,5,33,33,2,39,0,4,1,3,32,13,1,6,20,131,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078376323084608,0.0,0.12181744127132263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064662584844772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015747854128676,0.22247476885166148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716089242523587,0.0,0.0,0.1240328672926061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755036855890015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460621626521185,0.13362959748931227,0.1569116422055052,0.0,0.10477915025765497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774803774940228,0.0,0.0,0.08035035212818316,0.22008336554804875,0.10249750768702938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302235403387325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124658084549308,0.12711685717579835,0.0,0.06913793920434841,0.1020363747107543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207213698332353,0.0,0.1345905058108086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592678326290347,0.0,0.0,0.21484283461436288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979616259674824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259714244040172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929739244159252,0.0,0.0,0.09382593474156713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508074366706901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062223013280137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26232401701511354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769344362394162,0.07793372910245702,0.0,0.0,0.13060929555098735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743273769178665,0.0,0.201264468382334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966541607535614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380498552301338,0.0,0.0,0.09146756658115994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795003240421611,0.0,0.0,0.21280971463330206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651881717570828,0.0,0.11883685002794582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350763426921412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641847058235028,0.0,0.0,0.15668048819141064
suicidewatch,WarmAprilShowers,2019/02/16,"I want to suffer while I go. Maybe this is the last legs of caring but I know there is no going back. My brain is on fire and nothing can calm it down and I just can’t take it anymore. I want to die, I am so tired of this fucking little voice in my head.  But for whatever reason there is still guilt. Because even if I can believe for a moment that anyone truly cares for me in any way past a tolerance I still feel guilty. So I don’t feel I have the right to go peacefully, I feel like I have to suffer. Is there any 100% guaranteed way to kill myself, regardless of what the pain leading up to death may be. ",1.5075524475524489,2.9535797692307715,3.1790909090909127,93.31954545454548,78.23076923076924,6.265734265734268,20.27972027972028,6.980632752743323,0.2009230769230772,470,11,109,5,11,156,83,130,0.289,0.57,0.141,-0.9826,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,2,1,5,0,14,6,3,2,0,16,27,8,3,4,4,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,0,5,16,4,17,25,0,20,0,2,0,1,0,7,1,2,8,75,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216817565683392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164532995716768,0.1139685457751724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533161146667265,0.0,0.09935906389222388,0.0,0.0,0.1836373767181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195417348527854,0.0,0.0,0.3323645998062509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916107553039894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765538688375917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472425839106316,0.11644228326063485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506844687014578,0.0,0.0,0.2778981571175691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727791545525958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803276848224444,0.0,0.08957672977740905,0.13286110813974247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963018191960856,0.16336187803937482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374844866103908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639624860705098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173436120557861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555953303497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758402455480453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919519297626115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26033295581769345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255050546513928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733655910503716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922750738338873,0.2587526278262323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackScorpionVoid,2019/02/16,"It gets darker (graphic content warning)  

The last couple of days have been very bad. I mean yeah they could've been worse if I had let myself do what I wanted, which is rip myself to shreds and slit my throat. Which I planned to do once I got home from work today. Of course I wasn't planning to kill myself really. I am pretty sure I do not have the proper strength to do that.

But I have fallen into a darker cloud. The episodes I get before bed keep me up until I cry enough that my eyes swell and I can barely open them. The night before last was not as bad and I fear this night will be worse than last. Last night I even had an anxiety attack, possibly a panic. I did not feel fear just the hyperventilating with a side of not being able to breathe because it felt like I had something stuck in my throat, and an overwhelming feeling of how much I hate myself.

It is getting so bad. I am starting to fear if this streak keeps going. The last two nights my mind would only repeat, "" I want to die."" Over and over without stopping, back to back. It is destroying me.

I will destroy me if I cannot find a grip in this black cloud.

I would probably say it really started on Valentines day, when the bf brought up the one thing we argue about. Sex. You can search my older posts for details if you do not know.

but now every time he brings it up I feel like killing myself. I feel like all I ever do is destroy everything. I know it is not my fault for the way my body responds and how I feel but it makes me hate myself more.

I have cut the last three days. Not nearly as much as I want to. I fear my day off alone tomorrow. Since none of my friends seem to have time to even say hi anymore.

I have given up on that as well.

I am not reaching out to them anymore.

I also exploded on my store manager on Valentines. It was busy as fuck and I just exploded and yelled at the top of my lungs in front of customers and everything.

He did not talk to me for half the day.

I am losing my grip. Hell maybe tmi but maybe my period has some play in this shit",1.0995545827633355,3.1617148164705924,2.5079452804377595,94.68584678522578,82.01176470588234,5.365253077975376,19.53077975376197,6.503187473535588,-0.019688919288645586,1587,41,355,15,43,513,211,425,0.194,0.733,0.073,-0.9955,0,1,1,0,0,3,42.0,1,2,3,6,15,32,13,6,18,1,42,9,7,3,3,61,72,28,3,9,20,0,8,3,2,4,0,3,2,0,20,14,0,3,11,1,1,5,13,24,1,4,15,13,65,8,53,50,7,60,1,2,2,2,16,22,3,6,34,249,85,2,0.07440816103063624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706441450049488,0.0,0.059504179493271664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056922039524343875,0.0,0.1475858033461691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465002508324775,0.0,0.11443056578176525,0.186383119288856,0.04535852433269438,0.0,0.12663172923410884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265069278587353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059408861935794824,0.08233121491455732,0.08173387095408406,0.2399355411559165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722392361620121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688352089985348,0.0,0.0982917772013104,0.06730644159982384,0.06269208486598139,0.0,0.13374651453683142,0.0,0.0,0.33491947143843903,0.18811500966087336,0.1063144102154802,0.07144350334726489,0.0,0.06800771116450613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748756063484557,0.06878914587569009,0.11662557916474765,0.0,0.04228787265045442,0.0,0.05951100369107011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469253084971884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746374523843455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227478474502705,0.16464321138833574,0.0,0.08178555872183063,0.36391549418956776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608738596097367,0.0,0.10905620693453784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324369932280441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966802527678923,0.0,0.14950599778374093,0.08105230086223722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513103125858799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939711974051154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793080743207533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924226307795691,0.05042089561270237,0.05659075942394948,0.0,0.08730194483554453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388402153040761,0.07126244995188431,0.07569984998491623,0.0802245825689368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533554657216158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834471235292612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773839522720389,0.0,0.0,0.07637890802394233,0.061551199717262126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728303761522504,0.0,0.0,0.10533295870837477,0.0,0.0,0.06220855439851039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012881118695978,0.0,0.0,0.059806461305380074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494334758975824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677599414308855,0.0,0.0705302363391382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268596139826593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139452550329904,0.13166358367453695,0.059061734811308525,0.0,0.0,0.06690187282744224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172681197211489,0.0,0.054170027427223946,0.0,0.151656545914514,0.1057148454434588,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aThrowaway598,2019/02/16,"I'm at my breaking point I made a few previous posts detailing my breakup. The last six months of my life have been horrible and I think I've finally had enough. I had to drop out of college because I couldn't afford it due to unexpected family problems, I needed to remove my father from my life because he's a piece of shit.

I've been looking for a job and have had like ten interviews, but I'm still looking. 

My money is running out. 

I've been depressed for a long time and now my girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, I tried to talk to her today and I've been blocked off everything now. 

I don't want to keep going because my life doesn't go anywhere but down. 

I'm scared to do this to my family who's only wanted the best for me, but I don't have a better way to cope. Not getting out of bed for days is not a way to live.",3.1830000000000003,3.5901692999999995,4.813333333333336,87.27000000000002,72.66666666666666,8.0,27.222222222222214,8.07648339933343,1.4970555555555562,654,22,148,9,12,222,101,180,0.154,0.8029999999999999,0.043,-0.9476,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,1,8,0,17,4,1,1,0,22,31,7,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,1,4,6,5,0,3,8,2,20,3,27,22,4,30,0,2,2,0,7,8,1,0,14,94,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476673861170552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780309468940288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954766416372926,0.13445949398853413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804773072982084,0.0,0.13094449546461442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708916483220858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663609588833056,0.0,0.28664350766005736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654306084180906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943017617055115,0.0,0.17280599325943047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086779025920985,0.13513256950746688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239259518438812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221530023937987,0.0742749042820684,0.0,0.1342465868142028,0.1345430802869184,0.2553363149898013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385586730306615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135008105481634,0.0,0.0,0.11272941992264175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562679532728845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371889447202793,0.0,0.14560413747726667,0.0,0.0,0.14547359907557944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522100388338121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605813484928524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141254050096345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219714898683655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741563698045654,0.0,0.0,0.0886507816491556,0.0,0.14410807143399992,0.0,0.0,0.10321939887021082,0.0,0.14851267004216384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793442179908286,0.24135103300315994,0.12195048706293472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuck00000027,2019/02/16,"I have nothing. . No car. No job. No phone. No money. No one to come see me. Nothing. I can’t escape. I want nothing more than to just leave. I quit taking my medicine because my doctor doesn’t believe me about my symptoms. Maybe she’ll believe it when her patient is fucking dead. 

I’ve told everyone around me that I’m struggling. It doesn’t matter to them. I’ve told my physicians I’m struggling. It doesn’t matter to them. No one cares until you’re dead. ",-0.4434274193548369,1.6799522043010775,1.1413911290322574,97.23208669354841,102.22580645161293,2.7551075268817207,20.866263440860216,4.557286568694721,-0.3093865591397851,357,14,73,1,16,114,55,93,0.191,0.6409999999999999,0.168,-0.735,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,4,4,1,2,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,6,17,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,10,3,0,2,2,1,15,1,8,14,1,5,0,0,1,1,7,1,1,0,2,44,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486575162972049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179624728975534,0.0,0.0,0.3762836540472013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025859376522162,0.0,0.0,0.1438480783037747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170922504958547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956718785563145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438061549470256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571293652939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681950269252544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776504246551685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806974997971796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263150326811657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761562977211748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307031594387647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34915078855763365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356773132946235,0.12555655288123316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191343757112629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849569931979897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayventacc0unt,2019/02/16,"Just wishing I could kill myself already. I’ve wanted to kill myself for a long time now, I’ve always had a plan to, too. My plan was to just ruin my life, so then when I kill myself (probably by overdosing or shooting myself in the head) people would be happy, and won’t miss me. I’ve had so many things happen to me and I’m just emotionally unstable, and I’ve did things too. To me, my life is already ruined. People barely talk to me, I’m too scared to go outside, I’m ugly, I’m stupid, etc. I feel like it’s finally just time to end it already, but I’m scared. 

Sorry if this isn’t the exact place to put this, (delete if needed) I just don’t know where or who to turn to at this point. ",0.6451198465963586,2.334089355704698,3.0533317353787166,92.1278020134228,81.61744966442953,5.599424736337488,18.02540747842761,6.5431188927421005,-0.14417200383509154,530,11,121,5,14,183,82,149,0.185,0.778,0.038,-0.9571,0,0,0,1,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,2,13,11,4,2,4,0,11,3,1,0,1,21,25,12,3,7,10,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,4,1,15,2,15,17,1,15,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,4,9,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454795308232003,0.0,0.11196686408962576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743728789330162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136481513269628,0.1191825246928556,0.0,0.15007287076535133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803889450644153,0.09613154944687713,0.0,0.14740675264946435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647502746732028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899326416654192,0.14324439155027485,0.0,0.0,0.13810005051999993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4466207445799059,0.0,0.0739520867055832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900910899524099,0.06574049010645391,0.0,0.0,0.11908366794932855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642535755423554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977646402595056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865775298308948,0.0,0.14058927844849362,0.0,0.12720515295810134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508124365172614,0.0,0.0,0.13527258101552678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694412776099113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150631815652639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081563219994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879482651308562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692907019585928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463654698819511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793685088014458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474035093602082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955894113640776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badgerbraddles,2019/02/16,"Death by suicide Are there people who think that, eventually, they probably will kill themselves but have gone on to change their viewpoint?",13.619999999999996,12.312047521739132,9.79739130434783,65.78565217391306,52.04347826086956,12.678260869565218,44.73913043478261,11.20814326018867,5.0558173913043465,115,5,17,2,1,32,23,23,0.287,0.713,0.0,-0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473010574382671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678018669226874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931390374493687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558852950252973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625104760289835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709341975178747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkta33,2019/02/16,"Invasive Thoughts I'm not sure what happening to me, but I've recently started having extremely strong urges to commit suicide. I can't really talk about this, and I kind of just need to put it somewhere. It feels like every half hour my thoughts are just taken over by finding the least painful method/most likely to succeed method. This impulse comes with an urge to hurry it up in case I change my mind. I'm scared that I might do something stupid.",4.382216748768474,6.284197172413794,4.1766830870279135,87.25448275862068,71.52873563218391,7.270279146141214,28.52052545155993,7.957251820313856,1.8088042692939248,362,14,69,5,7,110,69,87,0.156,0.6659999999999999,0.177,0.2886,0,0,3,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,16,15,2,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,1,7,6,12,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279652932361968,0.1856299889930007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156395664979585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896082187171356,0.1539497769844178,0.0,0.0,0.19695866149802405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056164793443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221931285721404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440503563979453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056008873190346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22860629790207984,0.21758866899465307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597869219155488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930203130044435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166321441740109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805171005251726,0.0,0.2127754613914951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574823685414946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589869328118298,0.0,0.0,0.15252857509528853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571671593312,0.0,0.20310162696726836,0.0,0.0,0.1732068373709482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421581533747216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymous10285,2019/02/16,"Why does it have to be like this? I’m overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. How am I suppose to know that life will ever be better? There simply are no guarantees. For fuck sake neither my family nor my friends know what is going on inside my head. I’m afraid of the unknown future! Will I ever be happy and have money to survive? Will I ever be able to make my dreams come true or am I a deceived person!? Suicide was in the back of my mind, but I’m too weak to ever consider it as a choice. I hate my life. ",1.0872897196261704,2.865262261682247,3.2502897196261697,90.81749065420559,80.58878504672897,5.401495327102804,20.04579439252336,6.2581,0.10161009345794404,390,10,84,3,10,133,72,107,0.213,0.695,0.092,-0.9448,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,2,2,4,0,14,5,1,2,5,16,24,7,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,1,1,2,3,7,0,0,1,0,11,5,12,16,1,10,0,3,0,1,2,2,1,1,7,61,16,0,0.1811368517740783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928305810367567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602008254640475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560333588503988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851407964719946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6553946108405094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075970308562605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994588235126448,0.16745810066479186,0.0,0.0,0.10294424716359593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282354693957876,0.0,0.17883514024865008,0.18589866790320636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909615319422894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25588463052230304,0.08849431620101991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091025510990265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828965839797765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816171219504985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813431614014054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634478346911082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evansTexanErection,2019/02/16,"Parents belittle me for my depression. I've been getting much better but recently my parents, especially my mum has been treating me like I'm unstable and has taken any possibly dangerous thing from me.. it's making me feel worse honestly that she's trying to get me to go to the doctors again even though I've been ok the past few months....starting to get fed up with life again.",5.38283783783784,6.4345764729729735,6.287405405405406,76.34543243243247,68.05405405405405,10.244324324324324,33.71891891891892,10.355215969177356,3.6706410810810812,305,14,56,8,5,101,54,74,0.182,0.679,0.138,-0.5927,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,2,1,5,3,0,1,0,5,14,3,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,9,5,8,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,35,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311552402613646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991344258670716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392871526813066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304593001689581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871508808043668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384691996634695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529081225664553,0.0,0.1279627835615689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590361311799297,0.11000108643724817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029506972269072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655174294451495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000238122260308,0.0,0.214939297769177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538324162129302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231688883881887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936836913637684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958532507097858,0.0,0.2212171163052204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286786468284982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294557818143821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StandByMe76,2019/02/16,"I fucked everything up. I've actually made it happen, everyone hates me. I'm not just saying that neither. My mom, dad, grandma, brother, sister, everyone. I'm alone now, I don't have anymore friends. I'm going to be alone forever. I hate myself, I want to hang myself with a belt. Is that my purpose in life? To hurt my family? If it is, i don't deserve to live. ",-0.09932432432432492,2.210627445945949,3.082486486486488,86.14291891891894,92.1081081081081,6.203243243243244,23.616216216216216,7.554174236665415,1.5598475675675685,277,12,56,6,10,99,51,74,0.278,0.705,0.017,-0.9639,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,0,6,16,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,1,11,1,7,14,1,5,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,1,1,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2004411248405963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425465660930705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037019672817461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39253769799739396,0.18460060189072647,0.0,0.19363318198641108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869181086584064,0.18988932573199024,0.0,0.0,0.1167337596943888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816348625752872,0.0,0.0,0.40558066840826107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988533668540372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508035073299866,0.0,0.0,0.1813722835577155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943547897574736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24056242256199226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334261275211712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115045578361015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lil-turtling,2019/02/16,I wonder how many people in this sub Reddit actually killed themselves Coz it’s not like they can tell us,1.3585714285714303,4.0518315238095255,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,90.90476190476193,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.03936190476190449,86,2,16,1,3,28,21,21,0.28,0.72,0.0,-0.7657,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.3609231735220727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40918754333804375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806914925311048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749728886360161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640949955894393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232678216547213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448876170687543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010897988032166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,23enoughforme,2019/02/16,"Im in an abusive relationship and there's no other way out I'm in an abusive relationship. It's often not physical but we've gotten there a couple of times. But he's sick-he is super controlling and highly critical of everything I do, he uses and instance he can to wield power over me and he makes everything my fault. He constantly makes me feel worthless-he's told me to kill myself, he's told me he can't get hard because I'm too fat, and today he told me he hates me but he keeps me around because without me he couldn't pay rent. And I still love him. Because I'm equally pathetic. 
I've try to leave but he always finds away to hook me back in.
At this point, I'm positive I deserve this, I don't deserve happiness and I will never know what it's like to be loved the way I love people. Ive gone from broken to shattered and I feel like a fragment of the person I once was. I've cried for help if every way I know how, even my therapist can't save me. I have nowhere else to turn, no hope left. I just want all this pain to stop, forever. 
How did I get here?",1.4484497816593915,3.0291092489082985,3.6126179039301327,89.55560807860266,78.7816593886463,6.850742358078603,23.240393013100448,7.7348632917899725,0.9968635807860262,834,27,187,13,20,286,126,229,0.21600000000000005,0.615,0.16899999999999998,-0.8893,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,3,12,13,2,0,6,0,13,5,1,6,2,38,39,15,1,4,8,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,7,10,1,3,5,0,2,1,9,4,0,0,7,3,27,9,22,29,2,22,0,0,0,3,23,11,0,3,9,104,34,1,0.0,0.2672548497603793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384309494226224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039928794572622,0.0,0.0,0.1059617649086929,0.08672187533348498,0.0,0.2062513419706044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187654319233468,0.1264938430379613,0.0,0.12479038807675563,0.1238849868298516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421432306402233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449099976500377,0.0,0.09502312832241996,0.0,0.20272116074426533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405125058827388,0.08057099924196169,0.0,0.0,0.10308008544800493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784717213067578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200578148320628,0.10102991234180808,0.11134820665946056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559494306205215,0.11915965921714312,0.0,0.11201730069238752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182318154084862,0.0,0.0,0.1002452213187409,0.12477582326870855,0.0,0.12396333058565075,0.0,0.0,0.1194191360614086,0.12253723675791693,0.0,0.0,0.11019851461897677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053686401701757,0.0,0.15056481689791573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698390856626817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010842754890708,0.0,0.0,0.12000727868516728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818836844442673,0.0984763005224946,0.0,0.0,0.1066148037926351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421698660056861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900673097370294,0.09429023552173356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094780790108118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576369604226262,0.0,0.1069035064409103,0.3233021600100934,0.0,0.07657111473455651,0.12267369277580227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740685149976312,0.0,0.0,0.06652134600213352,0.2685616924967704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871717016198272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bean-King,2019/02/16,"I'll leave them with good memories.  I met up with my friends today and we really had a lot of fun just being idiots but it made me happy, knowing that they will remember these good times for when I'll leave them. Ik they will be sad and will wish me back and stuff but they will always have those good memories of us togetherto think about and that just helps me a bit to come to terms with it all. Anyone else feels that way? ",2.8393506493506493,4.296002545454545,3.526493506493509,92.17045454545458,74.68181818181819,7.301298701298702,19.38961038961039,7.957251820313856,0.38660194805194825,336,6,76,5,7,106,60,88,0.063,0.69,0.248,0.9652,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,5,0,5,8,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,21,15,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,12,6,10,6,4,8,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,1,5,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553780460199671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056908993384958,0.1913315416168268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358728838594342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038656879242172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085521958027973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559926964662491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944185636324263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442705957291588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698720658099307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878232585477051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516418548641253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026243864632568,0.0,0.0,0.3954497031460961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587549768733527,0.0,0.17669267965459856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962688924561685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153376368300544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376630331674007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965191452409812,0.0,0.0,0.10888637673751772,0.0,0.17700245237746404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461858695669948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822113813714727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473543592001532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smilemotherfuckers,2019/02/16,can i overdose on meds i have 200 mg of escitalopram and 950 mg of sertraline. will it kill me to take all of it ,-0.8725333333333332,1.1106038800000029,2.764,90.08866666666668,90.2,6.533333333333335,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.7451333333333334,87,3,22,2,3,32,20,25,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6363020396772343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6388457071132375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432430198766898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeoBronstein21081940,2019/02/16,"What a wonderful feeling being drunk can be What a wonderful feeling being drunk can be. The softness of wine and the cradle of depression. Its the feeling that this is as good as it will get. The rest is just wishful thinking. If only. if Only they could forget about me. If only they had others to love and forgot me. I could be alone and finally go to sleep once and for all. I would sit in a corner ...or maybe not because I am too old to crouch and ball up in the corner of a room: it would be uncomfortable. yes I want to die now, but in comfort and forgotten by all that matter. 

​

It is tedious, frustrating and damned irritating. One day it will be easier and I will be able to die as I want to. ",2.130753205128208,4.026718645833338,3.971666666666668,86.31692307692309,77.81944444444444,6.930769230769231,23.57692307692308,7.882392219407189,1.2416448717948707,551,18,113,9,13,186,82,144,0.192,0.655,0.153,-0.8847,0,1,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,2,0,9,1,22,5,1,0,2,33,35,16,2,10,7,0,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,8,3,1,6,4,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,4,10,3,19,18,3,13,0,1,0,1,3,7,1,6,4,92,21,0,0.15819180994299475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383900694724926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140075998139473,0.19222036403718304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643225905795427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526065761095053,0.0,0.0,0.10202063053131682,0.0,0.1362503741031716,0.0,0.3283562469099766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399595967177181,0.0,0.0,0.17329139543796832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264869156903956,0.0,0.08990405112229465,0.1326837848205968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427742846941696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892493551215178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599569380848436,0.16846911476712467,0.10719486445359323,0.3609359995728391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830605417625307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136292430614424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866112562256922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819127744305641,0.0,0.3431045397447072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474984607749152,0.0,0.19222036403718304,0.0
suicidewatch,RoughPirate,2019/02/16,"Thanks Brexit My boss informed me today they'll be moving their operations to the Netherlands next month. 100+ people have now lost their job including mine all because a bunch of old beetroot looking cunts hate brown people. 

I used to love my country but it doesn't even feel like home anymore, the absolute worst government we've had in a long time who insists on self-harming the country. It's only going to get worse.

I'm going to walk down outside parliament and top myself.

Fuck bigots.

Fuck Theresa May.

Fuck the Tories. ",3.8348484848484863,6.571151323232327,4.123525252525255,83.13195454545458,76.17171717171719,5.9802020202020225,27.07171717171717,7.1686216300943375,1.6395729292929286,427,17,71,5,10,133,83,99,0.284,0.659,0.058,-0.9825,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,2,2,10,5,0,6,0,6,4,0,2,1,8,20,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,2,3,9,3,8,15,3,15,0,1,2,4,6,4,4,1,8,38,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114904105111265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134747380936932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064480986334095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235808007213056,0.1304919106296192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065970111316868,0.0954319966136185,0.0,0.20761909086210856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803383397112865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322226961368807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126126798720305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923815551791701,0.0,0.0,0.1616478195233733,0.15338789061174676,0.0,0.19939431050510525,0.0,0.16485723844840455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579698903625396,0.1941380331732272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426034229842887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167031187872705,0.0,0.0,0.13892070334106102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532660556110401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055358894249344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681682328738013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651016404611037,0.0,0.17313975176833787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577590731182075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861455318781605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymouseOrSumtn,2019/02/16,"My friend is self harming, and it's getting worse Hello, I need a bit of advice. My best friend has started self harming recently, about a month ago. Up to this point, it's been pretty mild with a few scratches and such, and I tried to be as supportive and understanding as I could be. But recently, as the season's changing (she has seasonal depression) it's been getting worse and worse. From staples to cutting with a razor blade. She's doing this because it apparently makes her feel better and more energetic, but it keeps getting worse. She keeps cutting deeper and deeper, and at this point I don't know what to do anymore. Getting her help isn't an option, her parents barrade her for doing this instead of providing support, and I am not in a position of being able to help her..   


I'm worried that it'll get out of hand, she says I shouldn't be worried about it because she isn't suicidal and simply enjoys the rush (probably adrenaline?) she gets from it. Of course, I still worry. I've been trying to find other solutions that may give her the same joyful feeling that doesn't involve harm. She explained it was basically a way to cope with her sadness and depression for her, but I doubt it'll get any better anytime soon. Is there anyone else who's had similar issues, that have found other ways to get the same feeling as cutting does? If so, please let me know if you've got any advice or possible ways to get the same feeling..   


Thanks for reading.",6.1828933693618815,6.502247409893997,6.580091457077532,77.53682186655581,66.06713780918727,9.202993140719183,33.60818956557888,9.007467420416297,2.889377634587404,1159,48,212,18,17,376,148,283,0.127,0.67,0.202,0.9783,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,3,8,20,3,1,12,0,28,1,1,1,0,44,57,22,1,5,7,1,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,2,22,15,0,2,10,1,0,1,6,10,0,0,7,7,26,10,32,40,7,19,0,3,0,0,28,6,0,6,9,148,48,2,0.08860003287815686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315785342057805,0.0785385833264041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050212116346565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087867425076101,0.0619512030417808,0.09078120395115097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801951537350167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298026831798542,0.15671905815085707,0.0967282886956179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372708683997537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073991680291761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262215698211312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753448583676043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401395856179695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919535502527295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809788249257034,0.0,0.0,0.09714536293422067,0.13690433123955953,0.0,0.4166087431260243,0.08499322485920091,0.0,0.0,0.0708615400596985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877346885938032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247541531358912,0.0,0.15750356029542514,0.0,0.0,0.09738452195759986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059953645379903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914120993670019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707197009497251,0.0,0.0,0.06569580173221312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837985140421483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725623000969026,0.16751133826265405,0.09988322467055846,0.0,0.09013808572387144,0.09552582075395813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862400930534456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496368735914164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045830228963808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485831448218806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271155929302599,0.0,0.07075610070582425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691405560146628,0.20108453470448126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157100648437733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203072129307322,0.0,0.0,0.09223575887414301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109797463198308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699329024071288,0.3611640112616489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gothic0921,2019/02/16,"Today I started writing my last note 
It is not like I gave up... I am still trying, I am giving myself 6 more years. Then I will be same age as Van Gogh... (so unloved but probably won’t make my artworks famous anyway after my death:)
It is very likely I would fail fixing my life for the last time and stuck in it forever. And I rather die then such low quality of live.
6years should be enough to travel and visit all my oversea friends one last time, and organise everything nicely. I wish there will be a art exhibition with cupcakes and drinks instead of a funeral ceremony. Is not it weird, I am now feeling happy planning my death than considering how to live through a painful future?
",4.32089552238806,5.773870940298513,5.2225671641791065,81.48623880597016,70.94029850746269,8.046567164179105,29.07164179104477,8.548686976883017,2.1842113432835824,542,21,103,9,10,177,96,134,0.201,0.6609999999999999,0.139,-0.8951,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,0,0,4,0,14,3,0,2,1,19,21,11,4,4,4,0,1,2,1,5,2,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,3,0,2,3,5,0,1,2,1,16,5,12,11,4,20,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,17,74,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984476943959614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731480142096152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757293783009375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184886626093296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668244813357932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772978800108175,0.0,0.0,0.18342781380681206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354855200027414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675894942596233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350585725877679,0.1868328864276762,0.0,0.3376871037397808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763538343849842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957008677063694,0.0,0.20346287195071933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061586966729041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534071969373884,0.0,0.15270201698387462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299431523575933,0.0,0.18124646005124528,0.0,0.0,0.12982028326158931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776978770485162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988417157670465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583140016262096,0.0,0.0,0.12313415144810995
suicidewatch,Rocket_King_,2019/02/16,"Anyone else just too tired to selfharm anymore? I used to scratch open my arms with my nails when I felt like shit and it hurt so fucking good. It’d leave a huge scar, but the burn felt amazing. 

Now I’m just way too tired to even attempt that. Haven’t done it in almost two years. I’m even too depressed to hurt myself. Goddamn, that’s pathetic",1.6190342052313866,3.7249517887323975,2.160080482897385,97.64140845070429,80.40845070422536,4.620523138832998,22.818913480885314,5.288315135182226,-0.025874849094567498,271,9,60,1,7,83,53,71,0.329,0.552,0.12,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,2,0,2,0,3,5,2,1,0,10,9,4,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,3,5,3,6,5,0,7,0,3,0,1,0,3,2,1,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891396401973507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873217756493108,0.13207180416800154,0.1935335683842303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268516702609798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329350073958051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778800993226427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495116714429408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627157518457758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746198436256058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842660130128164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044075985794112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000004586792548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227898558165114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388630002089755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341878222511748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845118303413545,0.0,0.0,0.16313478409722207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992700906106765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163484494992835
suicidewatch,str8twoh3ll,2019/02/16,what's the easiest way to go? I'm ending it im November and I've been thinking of all the ways I could end it. I want to overdose on pain meds but I don't think I'll be able to get my hands on a big enough dose as I'm only 16. Thought about suffocating myself with helium as it's a pretty risk free way to off. I don't have access to a firearm...,-0.7837962962962948,0.7313173333333367,2.489614197530866,95.24701388888893,85.54320987654322,6.0253086419753075,18.766975308641968,7.1686216300943375,0.06839382716049425,268,7,70,4,8,97,57,81,0.063,0.78,0.156,0.7906,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,0,6,3,1,0,1,9,14,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,2,13,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,38,10,0,0.2243027667891817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908750759891395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39733134957365707,0.23176471800224455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718893789205442,0.0,0.12747643142558107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422854786803464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24914980846363186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059236161294886,0.2386739583846116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819655212486195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28744831201948545,0.0,0.1780713419684294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322995833365558,0.5341232875285382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,handslikebears,2019/02/16,"I’m done with trying to feel better The only reason I’m still alive is because I know my mum will be devastated if I ever killed myself. If she ever passes while I’m still in this state I’m not going to hesitate on ending my own life shortly after. 

I’m almost 23. I take my meds. I go to therapy. Nothing seems to help enough. I just don’t want to be around anymore. I hate feeling like this, I wouldn’t wish this upon my own enemy. My brain feels like it’s constantly like a static tv here it won’t shut up from all the overthinking I do. I think I’m running out of options. I don’t see myself living past 25. 
I just got accepted into a health science degree but I don’t even know if I wanna try. I know I’m smart, but my mental illness holds me back to where I think I can’t do anything and I’m not good enough. 
I need fucking help but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve run out of options. ",-0.4352593246523924,1.6078681269035542,2.4255616861619957,92.92810637828295,88.54314720812181,4.8474067534760525,18.20988744206577,6.280692351149826,-0.11045910395056292,699,19,157,7,23,245,113,197,0.116,0.7759999999999999,0.109,-0.7405,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,3,0,4,0,15,5,1,1,3,40,43,8,1,8,10,1,3,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,12,1,0,5,9,3,0,0,2,4,28,7,21,36,5,27,0,0,1,1,4,11,1,7,13,99,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304702087663594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25843245921320146,0.0,0.0,0.10722052222148216,0.1159889182797444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018772759184642,0.0,0.07942576266692332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523409149757435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545073628284227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080108233631347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333557877322624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540144689149287,0.26925621473922684,0.0,0.08605768687313954,0.23571602185521054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764106083108526,0.1861635323916867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045432374096765,0.0,0.0,0.1480976987782246,0.1092840809274868,0.10420768587108394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286379446216982,0.0,0.13849599257244455,0.0,0.0,0.17466609280986514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415055190655993,0.0,0.2864237967256627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203021532822096,0.19096459897603,0.0,0.11505162639913005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472680507235616,0.0,0.13130529258722665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661104548662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250202129252643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909414588048546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437997396839535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396351011816926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038271214663383,0.11861439017045193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081052573682008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796456388059256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900207450908035,0.0,0.0,0.16697374193684925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692158881318973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685053473159129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983119745561685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bigiamiam,2019/02/16,"Hey Can someone just talk to me, is this even how it works? I feel so depressed M18",-0.1833333333333336,1.817857333333336,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,86.77777777777777,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.8357555555555556,64,2,16,0,2,20,18,18,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.6418,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721523846874918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620721324281756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27717965685028323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644767954926584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406116888795749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990864323085258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hivhuvvojp,2019/02/16,"Need advice 
I'm really struggling lately thinking about things that happened years ago ago and feel guilty. I want to apologize and make admendants but am concerned it will only make things worse for bringing up past events...I don't want to upset the person who said he has moved on from the incident, however we don't talk anymore. I feel trapped and have a pit in my stomach a lot of the time.

On top of this the way I'm viewing the guilt is that I must apologize for every thing that happened between us or otherwise it will not be okay. On top of this I've developed a fear of guilt and if I do things, then I must apologize otherwise I will not be able to function even although it may be out of context or not needed. My mind just needs to apologize or I will feel trapped.

What's happening to me? What can I do about it? Thanks in advance.


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suicidewatch,FundamentalistGoober,2019/02/16,"I don’t know what I’m doing I am a 23 year old who almost completed a bachelors degree in fine art art. I don’t know what I’m doing. Every thought I have and every action I do brings me to the conclusion that I should kill myself. My basement has ceilings from whic I could hang myself but I’m 6’3 and I don’t know what to do. I have been drinking but I feel this way every day, every second. I don’t know what it is I want. I don’t know anything. I have an ongoing problem of masturbation, I have no drive or creating anything. My girlfriend tells me that no one has any idea of what they are doing, my parents ask me to just make something. I don’t know what my passions are. Am I passionate about anything? I don’t have any drive anymore. I don’t know what I’m lookin for. I have accrued an incredible amount of debt, my thesis show is in May, I smoked weeed and fucjed around and now I think I’m fucked. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why is it so wrong for me to want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore",0.34204805491990703,2.206613868421055,2.6120518688024426,93.99168192219685,83.56140350877193,5.3687261632341725,20.877955758962624,6.498293943080001,0.17289946605644554,814,25,189,8,23,277,102,228,0.146,0.762,0.092,-0.9574,2,0,3,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,2,0,5,0,38,4,0,1,0,32,62,8,2,8,4,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,13,5,1,0,12,4,1,5,13,4,0,2,2,1,37,3,18,54,1,13,0,0,0,3,6,3,1,3,4,128,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294078972132254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339927939131867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474211593457374,0.0,0.0,0.27844449476689626,0.10040514346761714,0.10544146129908837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182559673224659,0.0,0.0,0.09005196055469425,0.0,0.0,0.07273886482186064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170560333386032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048920324665727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38011468117630215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057028951162318736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427059615589783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273238105656824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478310048729804,0.0,0.4338969614621662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528679909554205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835192813516188,0.0,0.07642800004744248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523761545707165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079227880088996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682963577646417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858159597132736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226993217602054,0.0,0.08954099410873549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326261284150637,0.08952578521480156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177353675919094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331586296312246,0.0,0.07263170973541884
suicidewatch,Tazmifili,2019/02/16,"I'm just so tired. I'm just so sad I am in a constant state of unrest. I just want to die. I know that's not what mothers and wives are supposed to think but I know it would be easier for my kid and SO. He wouldn't ever have to be considerate again. He could just do the $hit he does with zero worry. My son wouldn't grow up watching a shitty family dynamic, he might turn out alright. Today is a pretty horrible feeling day. I really wish I could stop the feeling of wanting to die. I feel so sick. I'm just so so tired. 

I'm just so sad. I'm not who I want to be. I'm not where I want to be. This is now how I envisioned my life.",-1.0855856643356674,0.7075295804195783,2.1711494755244765,95.41518575174828,88.86013986013987,5.5330419580419585,17.329108391608393,6.9077264865688965,-0.11197867132867144,482,12,121,7,16,173,80,143,0.261,0.569,0.17,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,18,4,0,0,5,1,16,4,0,1,1,35,35,11,2,10,10,3,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,4,13,2,13,24,0,13,0,2,1,0,9,4,0,1,7,77,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842659288128947,0.0,0.2722843953816981,0.0,0.0,0.10996794354489464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539348956653005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921865582701976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424040420188215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607461836864552,0.0,0.2586522279609862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742095608223236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043965021376653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088926295576468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734748589015569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092361510174982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255801298023346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925900261145564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39196337155720223,0.16162809833392566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547114439050316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40229620190730864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608361176061065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316606249886676,0.0,0.1211288258877532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saberloli,2019/02/16,"what do you live for? I want to live because of everything and everyone but I want to die because of everything and everyone.

I want to live for myself and die because I'm myself. e

Does it make sense? Probably not but then nothing makes sense in another night of crying myself to sleep or until my tears dry up. 

No demon to summon and kill me. No random cars slamming to my body when I cross the road. No lightning strikes. No hitman (probabily) will kill me for free. No will to kill myself and leave the mess I made to my mother who doesn't believe I have the right to get so sad. My mother that I love so much.

If there is a God up there my only wish is that I don't wake up anymore.",1.265534465534465,3.2594653286713284,3.1642007992008025,90.56959790209793,81.02797202797203,6.043756243756244,21.403096903096905,7.1686216300943375,0.6014999000999,534,16,115,7,14,179,81,143,0.336,0.557,0.107,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,0,5,14.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,3,0,4,0,8,4,3,3,0,18,18,14,5,5,5,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,5,0,0,1,0,20,3,20,15,1,12,1,1,0,1,5,6,0,3,4,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423242523252131,0.0,0.0,0.1346072274857437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24821839492031805,0.0,0.0,0.1529207070153431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507649157769913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909252125018013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817316575948973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877783107880845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593907752397061,0.24396990902244395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091308020760381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504938626925534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371798017274764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595549992704953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250120491796873,0.12843056818220772,0.1812010376504544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977682574696242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737297438600334,0.0,0.13023614984574286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032284278658336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633939567312734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591228160344855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582755763014628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401703897995779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608226723355298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MHS1999,2019/02/16,"I keep having these thoughts on a daily basis and I want them to end. I’ve been in this circle once but I keep going back. This time I know the reason why I’m getting these thoughts and I am hopeless.

I went to see a therapist once, she said: “I want you to feel content.” which actually made me understand myself more and I started thinking of what I want out of life and later on I decided to live for myself only.

“My reality sucks, I will never amount to anything and my existence is meaningless.”

This is what I currently think of myself everyday.

It doesn’t matter how many challenges I will go through, I won’t be able to find a decent job after I finish university.

I am confused all the time and I was told that it will ruin mu life, but I think to myself and ask: what life?

I wish that somebody would understand me.

Sorry because this is unorganized but it is just how I’ve been feeling for a very long time and I cannot think straight these days.



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suicidewatch,rah_te_bumba,2019/02/16,"I pray to god you all make it I pray to god that u all manage to survive, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. Im a gonner, i've run out of coping stratagies. Alcohol doesnt work, the medication dont work. This is it. Later.",-1.2029411764705884,0.6637164509803917,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,90.37254901960785,5.752941176470588,16.34313725490196,7.1686216300943375,-0.0553686274509797,173,4,43,3,6,63,37,51,0.187,0.6459999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.4692,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,2,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,5,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,25,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36473516812802587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399989284517627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36865171617712417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781369458283005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438137233238268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924666041475193,0.0,0.0,0.4969263027904653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sssssliminoff,2019/02/16,"I'm filled with bitterness and hatred. I'm killing myself but I wish I could take everyone with me. I have everything ready. Maybe I'll end up in the hospital again like last year and it'll be more painful and miserable but I don't care. If there's even that infinitesimally small chance that hanging myself works this time then it's worth it.

I've had enough. I had enough a long time ago. I had enough when I was 13 and hung myself for the first time. I've no fucking clue why I've kept living on, why my attempts since then have failed. Hope is a bullshit excuse for naively stupid people. I realised that a long time ago and lived my life blindly since. Fuck passions. Fuck hobbies. That shit don't exist. That shit doesn't help anyone. Utopian ideologies destroy me. I was never happy. I have no reference of happiness, but I'd rather go back to being numb than angry and bitter. 

Therapy and medication is a fucking joke. I'd beat these hacks senseless with a pipe wrench. Just a bunch of bullshit excuses, and when you call them out on their bullshit they only have more excuses to cover that shit up.

I know even if I wasn't suicidal I'll never be happy. I'll never get over my fear of women, or my unbridled hatred of a growing larger amount of people around me. I've only known agony my whole life and I see no reason not to end my life when this is all it was, is and will ever be.

I refuse to believe Satan is a red skinned goat god. A giant brain spiderdemon with chain gun makes more sense. I started cutting myself again but sharpener blades suck so I made a special device using a broken cassette play head.",2.3693827399380822,4.678129207430345,3.4344881965944296,88.41708833204336,78.90712074303407,6.142763157894738,22.787248452012385,7.292943589461545,0.9161115325077396,1286,41,253,17,32,413,180,323,0.324,0.556,0.12,-0.9982,0,0,0,1,0,4,32.0,0,1,3,5,14,29,14,2,13,0,26,18,6,4,5,43,46,23,2,6,10,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,13,16,0,2,4,2,1,4,11,19,0,1,9,6,33,10,24,30,10,40,1,2,3,5,11,10,8,4,27,157,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166098258508825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550911986151778,0.0,0.0,0.08340255464917941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204060999606113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555476373465653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458725852012377,0.09566634923324492,0.0,0.09552158561970624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480257785649155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659602593714838,0.2904155392275253,0.0,0.12376063228916953,0.08474653736769762,0.0,0.08952329782463482,0.08420110856094166,0.0,0.0,0.10542551658793048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969132004201211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34645372911596195,0.04894833128295273,0.0,0.05324528670048653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991991875880156,0.0,0.0,0.09615134543666913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279737136524972,0.0,0.0,0.09305373806735352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365235284029528,0.0,0.051488704079519984,0.07636856466722165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985246998711284,0.045771428392679364,0.0,0.16545717816054736,0.16582260252255693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865024590437226,0.06253774616589126,0.0,0.09412260793109496,0.0,0.0,0.09438122408290013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167748497893472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250852650040174,0.09969108171613307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990350440815182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632729694641594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465753884589423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885094425927239,0.15500005416656068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631314409921794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247992247027972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704420302724816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071408704072282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852187860383368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091671187752998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907844893695734,0.1045997723026295,0.1077370564298672,0.0,0.0,0.06820628374420636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033226915735983
suicidewatch,BeautyInTheSorrow,2019/02/16,"I almost killed myself earlier. Now I'm crying and wondering why I didn't do it. I was so close, but couldn't try to kill myself because of the possibility that I might survive. I don't want to be extremely depressed AND face the consequences of a failed suicide attempt. 

Nobody even knows I'm feeling so bad. I put on an act of always being happy, but that's almost impossible to do lately. It's a chore to even have to do that. 

Why do I feel suicidal? Honestly, I don't know. It's not like I have any significant problems in my life. I'm just tired of constantly feeling depressed no matter what. It's exhausting. I can't get suicidal thoughts out of my head, and they seem to become more and more convincing to act on every day. I don't know if I'm going to be able to cope for much longer.

I was considering seeing my doctor about it just to get some things off my chest I guess, but that doesn't even seem worth it anymore. I feel hopeless, like I'm never going to feel any better. ",2.964883004926108,4.401795004926111,4.820193965517241,83.1020150862069,74.32019704433499,7.833620689655173,25.49538177339901,8.472884824447931,1.6807834975369451,778,26,159,14,16,266,110,203,0.28800000000000003,0.5920000000000001,0.12,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,1,4,9,15,2,0,5,0,19,7,3,0,1,35,43,10,5,4,7,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,12,6,0,0,12,0,1,5,10,9,0,0,4,6,21,6,23,34,4,16,0,4,1,0,1,6,0,9,7,103,33,2,0.1167417064196657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337999113494824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971384517242774,0.0,0.0,0.15877672721812808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157764033360204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747444855608606,0.07116466067608435,0.128932042810464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324855241405008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261563113886471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823528273378346,0.07528874284027742,0.0,0.20109892135191987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949008329018705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313203882188013,0.0,0.09835992268707984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29514057230792545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198544653606558,0.0,0.1326940041439524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286041511976201,0.0,0.0,0.12427371728694425,0.0,0.0,0.1198106707696945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25831480286113057,0.0,0.1924745663666076,0.0,0.1316897297521973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245811970663344,0.11406820181057108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384450197237648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858185866913543,0.0,0.09003840088876028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316087332244613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170604673178584,0.0,0.11735765922743785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302802541679103,0.21255453002521016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38308943663230266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755800238314046,0.0,0.0,0.0926798747220666,0.0,0.13417741813063286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925995553208379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885728311963568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106824640657692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266014007443401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,160220191,2019/02/16,"How do I make the most out of my last days? I have reached the point of no return, so don't try to convince me out of it. I am going to kill myself on March 5th 2019. The reason why I'm waiting until then is because I want to experience my best online friend turn 18, don't ask me why I make such a big deal out of this.

I already made a rough plan on how exactly I will spend my \*last\* day, and planned out my suicide thoroughly. However, I don't have any plans for the time between now and March 5th. I am into video editing and am part of the Furry community. What could I do to ""graduate"" from this life, if you get what I mean?",2.9915114379084997,3.296268919117652,4.61950980392157,88.85751633986929,73.04411764705881,7.809150326797385,26.87581699346405,7.793537801064563,1.266063071895425,487,16,115,6,9,165,87,136,0.1,0.825,0.075,-0.6597,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,0,4,5,4,1,0,7,0,13,1,0,6,1,21,24,9,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,2,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,19,3,20,21,3,21,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,11,78,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969368560659046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292212810372878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764465071252347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583547259434357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941606450133745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517168757111574,0.0,0.0,0.2450965697042481,0.19590404239143175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587769772999715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681030417987934,0.0,0.09927850224321948,0.0,0.10799371861275517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023087149763764,0.0,0.0,0.3097861160904058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421795557958374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980313947789953,0.25368193808799444,0.0,0.0,0.20698935235132376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577499781783415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963193933496782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537396914915087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785291237076248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080318902883013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290122698491415,0.20668905775561386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207972968535453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342930080190779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Saraphina-,2019/02/16,"I don't think I'm cut out for life I've been depressed and anxious for as long as I can remember. I used to be anorexic as a teenager and I can feel myself slipping back into that. My boyfriend of 3 and a half years dumped me 2 days before Christmas. He was on Tinder 6 months before he dumped me. I'm struggling to get over that and I still love him. I got a part time job recently and feel like I can't go in because I can't stop crying, so I'll probably get fired. I'm trying my best to deal with this, I take my medication every day and I go to the gym every week. I go out with friends when I can. I try to do all the self help methods. But it's not enough. There is no help for me, I've been to get help several times only to end up not actually receiving any help from the mental health services and then getting discharged anyway. I've been on a waiting list for counseling for about 6 months. The only help I get is my medication. 

I just can't cope with life. I know people have much bigger problems than mine but I just can't deal with it. Everyday I think about suicide, sometimes passively and other times I research how to do it. I feel like I don't belong in this world and that this life isn't for me. I don't even want to die, I just can't do this anymore. The only thing stopping me is my family. I'm sorry for rambling, I'm just really struggling.",1.6208561643835608,3.151658386986301,3.5535561643835614,90.38870410958906,78.14383561643834,6.452821917808219,23.323835616438355,7.24861992348623,0.7731014794520545,1067,34,239,13,25,361,146,292,0.131,0.775,0.095,-0.9002,1,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,1,14,12,3,2,9,0,24,7,0,2,1,39,49,18,2,2,8,0,4,2,1,0,6,0,0,1,12,16,0,3,7,1,0,4,12,7,0,1,5,4,36,5,37,43,5,34,0,1,0,1,14,11,0,0,21,151,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0963105014102536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671148821976842,0.0,0.0,0.11149542654498353,0.09787731246650128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758891166277687,0.0,0.06016256792284171,0.0,0.16796159318045922,0.0,0.10357261257509946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084100427695674,0.12729812977175514,0.20349708069148606,0.08500446289004057,0.0,0.10242814593682056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741304022624112,0.1019766431191103,0.0,0.06518604616363398,0.0,0.16630685717681132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303933442603132,0.0,0.1497070137866547,0.14101313964386067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625025995211718,0.0,0.25781608607074263,0.0,0.1682691653713011,0.0,0.07893411115978012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490644698147836,0.0,0.0,0.33076045856047753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793795021996184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423930015469058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091301573214966,0.09643319976611878,0.0,0.0,0.08734053489443318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907462797678382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988463929522639,0.09945971330530796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575522273788911,0.0,0.07255098951938076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251822865318277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687531207640263,0.0,0.06842156248347361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640815522312604,0.09443623506451566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322550590534394,0.0,0.09744780550420247,0.0,0.11180035951164316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295871873412336,0.11149542654498353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761027561416008,0.11047915787091213,0.0,0.0,0.07881666011832217,0.16502416842006887,0.0,0.20635149714429976,0.0,0.10795453826358456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420513861747499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655674957486827,0.126477464657575,0.0,0.0,0.17264670925182507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340126521494932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523939185336127,0.0,0.0,0.058211912110747936,0.0,0.07916587570315192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355530041668371
suicidewatch,wormperson,2019/02/16,"just lost all my friends i have a history of speaking too soon, but all of this feels much more certain than anything else i’ve talked about, and regardless it’s making me feel so incredibly empty. i got in a fight with one of my friends because of a disagreement over something that’s important to me, and i flew off the handle and became completely enraged and in a momentary impulse decided it would be a good idea to use those feelings to destroy all my interpersonal relationships. i realized what i was doing at the time but i couldn’t stop myself. all i could do was try my best to portray how upset i was through tears while i screamed at myself in vain to stop. everyone in my friends circle, which i’ve been in since it’s formation in middle school, agreed that i’m toxic and arrogant and that they shouldn’t be friends with me. they were my only tether to interaction, i have literally no one now. not a single fucking person. none of us were really close but they were at least people i could interact with. but now they’re gone, and with no one else even interested in speaking to me and paired with the fact that i have completely shit grades and no family connection i feel like pretty much just a burden. i really want to die now more than i ever have in the past. i’ve been depressed before but it was always causeless but this time i have a reason and it’s so much worse. i just want to go away",4.17759523809524,5.6255508071428615,5.160714285714286,81.8109523809524,71.28571428571428,8.619047619047619,27.619047619047624,9.107695989026183,2.2156904761904763,1126,40,221,23,21,369,145,280,0.226,0.632,0.142,-0.9831,0,0,1,0,1,1,18.0,1,0,3,2,14,20,5,1,12,0,23,2,1,4,7,54,38,20,1,8,10,0,4,1,4,2,0,3,0,1,14,16,0,2,8,0,0,3,7,11,0,3,13,7,33,9,37,18,13,30,0,2,0,1,16,16,2,0,12,169,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999241814753417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988910074949462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290519681730045,0.0,0.0,0.0732555067672749,0.0,0.10225720120236044,0.0,0.12611270567988686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519953233896385,0.0,0.0,0.19189452706409066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035036439015718,0.0,0.1247191733480741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007759439967484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937222447014243,0.1087021141149237,0.0,0.11482913683960155,0.0,0.0,0.1132871123687727,0.0,0.2430495359533581,0.08585063239574223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713771952748092,0.11109673022540187,0.0,0.0,0.06829630343344564,0.10079425694042296,0.09611222582204196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356591364696604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058709785519102005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118152359316276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802154923536262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650199129062599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442942080308836,0.09139593540432316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471741307622002,0.08331187325587272,0.10492922708405872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222577443696638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397003936578416,0.12355644431370733,0.0,0.12901935149981714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216200994263216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335444540888592,0.09940720942219293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925139874236934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093771765135215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658939957456032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401460810223943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158864461227898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455166766478889,0.1037896995148302,0.0,0.0,0.14176067507736415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246515168852586,0.08536647399486393,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HiddenService_dA,2019/02/16,"TRIGGER WARNING: I'm done... Is there anyone doing the thing I am addicted to? I have no idea how to explain it without naming it... So, pls, be careful...!
I found a way to self-harm no one can see... and I am not able to stop anymore.
I try pressing my ribcage until my heart flutters or skips beats and reaches over 200 bpm... I can't help but love that sensation in my chest.
I guess it caused severely damage and I developed heart palpitations.
And yet I'm waiting for it to kill me...",0.4359863945578226,2.775701204081635,2.5256122448979603,91.50093537414969,87.9795918367347,5.307482993197279,24.493197278911573,6.816661863887847,0.9926095238095244,370,16,78,5,12,124,73,98,0.255,0.7090000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,9,5,3,3,0,18,18,9,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,2,12,2,10,15,0,6,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,2,3,53,18,0,0.1991370339692464,0.0,0.0,0.21708876075667508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749042798023095,0.1392412443179606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303347791924292,0.20456858870701194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037863246519856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834347923087485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937189382484876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719566881219856,0.13347735624106508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248014723081964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031562348077344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797289479861391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494040792450804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868643371478722,0.0,0.2077433566032719,0.22496816628208244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648747716441106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229779680997195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520097436690118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580657084988248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919609945247246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emuflight,2019/02/16,"Starve I hope I die today.

I'm sick of being hungry and being emasculated. 

I'm sick of struggling and life only gets harder and more painful as I age. 

Kill me. Come here and kill me please",-0.306153846153844,1.9605874871794917,1.7706410256410263,93.94519230769232,97.20512820512822,3.6256410256410256,14.192307692307693,5.46131890053228,-0.8935846153846154,148,3,31,1,6,49,26,39,0.496,0.414,0.09,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,7,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354905217769515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837226987470197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282846780318395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715255552776665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6049034298961015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930946228433561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791591822896954,0.2908929494010397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30008641660111457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857935342126626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591299180401549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,regretsinlifeforreal,2019/02/16,Today is the day I woke up and killing myself wasn't the first thing I thought about. How come I can't always feel like this?,2.59,3.5669992962962986,2.7861111111111114,99.13250000000002,74.55555555555556,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.5637259259259264,99,2,24,0,2,30,23,27,0.246,0.754,0.0,-0.7587,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,4,1,2,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197315944495142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310023336586457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24781319204828434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429127002890192,0.2745124089297433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268477736473087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42512209286150016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877279665955792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552824687248246,0.0,0.0,0.3050561707775461,0.0,0.0,0.3642295534650255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_nope_gun,2019/02/16,"I made a noose out of boat rope I've researched methods, like wrist cutting and an exit bag, but I tested the wrist cutting by slicing my arms pretty deep a couple of times and I don't think I could do the other arm. So I went to the bag, but it's hard to find the right instructions --- I researched it for months. I stood on an overpass for a while and thought that would be the best, but then I thought, ""What if I fall on someone's car, or cause an accident and someone dies."" Even though I'm at this point, I really didn't like that idea.

I kept thinking this is my choice, how I want to go. I want to go painlessly, but I'm at a point where fuck it. So I watched a YouTube video on how to make a noose and tested it. Seems legit. I practiced short drop but I think I'll just try to stop it if I can. Right now I'm homeless living in my car so finding the right place is problematic. I've found two or three locations that I think are good. I'm really tall so finding good spot is hard.

I have OCD, Tourettes, bipolar disorder, major depression, anxiety and PTSD. Throw in legitimate gynecomastia and we're really down a deep hole. I am on Sertraline but it only helps so much. I tried to talk to my family over the course of 10 years, but the first time I talked to my mom, she said to stop being dramatic. My sister molested me a few times when I was younger, and when I finally got the courage to tell her, she blamed me. My dad used to hit me, and when I told my mom she made him leave, but she continued hitting me as well.

My natural tendency is toward happiness, but I'm all alone dealing with this and I can't take it anymore. I'm writing this in hopes it helps me somehow but I don't think it will.

I thought about making a throwaway because I am really embarrassed but I'm not going to make a new email just for that. It's weird how even in the darkest of times, I can smirk through the sadness. Not smile but smirk.

There is a possibility I won't see tomorrow. If so, please do not be like me. I am 33. If you are young and your family doesn't support you dont let them brainwash you into thinking nothing is wrong. You want to be strong, but don't break your back to build more strength.

Good luck...",2.1986745062221686,3.685415585683298,3.577758305742666,91.0194950907638,76.44034707158352,7.195364767667543,24.92984358945085,7.94452939551167,1.1802546637744036,1719,59,390,27,38,564,228,461,0.138,0.703,0.159,0.9364,0,1,1,0,1,1,59.0,0,6,1,4,24,24,4,1,25,0,33,6,4,10,1,76,76,46,1,10,24,4,2,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,20,14,0,3,15,1,0,8,11,9,1,3,14,5,60,15,42,51,6,58,0,2,2,1,27,27,1,10,24,246,80,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625088594001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370743708765436,0.0,0.08258939209026328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403563655979642,0.0,0.05076549188084061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739511633715367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855494393063265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649070141988064,0.0921455158379582,0.0,0.0,0.08585595457683419,0.07172721377541465,0.0,0.08642940935622903,0.0,0.09544379542106664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760118816300294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000865859010878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570141614454017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912269712860167,0.2283437320601568,0.07083621873079259,0.0,0.09131002145762772,0.0,0.07698916306951352,0.0,0.0,0.14198640854905062,0.20954888955721104,0.06660501899357615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886509726315943,0.14920144942691546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116389672401598,0.0,0.0,0.08271383809406031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401071803231187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817937072632187,0.0,0.08515739061316918,0.0,0.12205626327442053,0.0,0.07353599398643068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759930205975062,0.16676612198175886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506835897835093,0.06647169989543276,0.0,0.0612189073132088,0.0,0.0,0.08043040506290719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990748078572171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333666670889375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700777839290617,0.09141422895384066,0.1574492433726948,0.0938834249258128,0.0,0.08472365837131368,0.0,0.0,0.09734751790250916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340006037083875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133568542841754,0.07921644228966708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636177878346612,0.07581315758213783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112234729502596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924826301988366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450288013796368,0.0,0.0,0.06261468703984377,0.13387139332624448,0.0727886369474845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32016705371110205,0.08182020579091034,0.1983402737969441,0.1942402708611731,0.0,0.0,0.07957569159181424,0.0,0.11308058215450704,0.0,0.0813504988863815,0.0,0.0,0.07192544807278252,0.0,0.0,0.1473585546788674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487691744386173,0.07719953430349431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915829722193959,0.0910514126967386,0.0,0.05362829743945455
suicidewatch,JayStryker369,2019/02/16,What’s the point I just feel so alone. Trapped in a situation of my own creation. I’m exhausted of the facade and I just want to end it. Every single day is a constant debate about when to do it. I’ve already accepted that I’m going to take my life one day. I don’t know what’s stopping me tbh,-0.12098901098901038,1.818500153846152,2.7360439560439573,91.98538461538462,85.92307692307692,5.560439560439562,21.59340659340659,6.868970318607317,0.5006483516483518,230,8,53,3,7,81,47,65,0.165,0.747,0.087,-0.7091,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,6,1,7,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962246734818815,0.3156240159297412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090799709776291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368911268819948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533238755281923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24097947787826884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461748051943055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254858159006466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571860409563739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202043770352066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381076773691547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703760674440084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32149218271259344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391208553769038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504724295177188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869871062297562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iusedtohavebluewalls,2019/02/16,Someone to talk to I would really like a friend ,1.4680000000000002,3.583901800000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,81.0,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.4129999999999998,38,1,8,1,1,13,9,10,0.0,0.489,0.511,0.7408,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377789334163088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27682806174066776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629993465901551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801059546875705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554378121551924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025195344299865,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gypsyroseleeisme,2019/02/16,"Any former ASHers, here? For years I would read ASH in Google Groups. I have been away for awhile and come back to see it’s gone...is it still accessible via a particular newsreader? Or is it really gone? (I’m referencing alt.suicide.methods and alt.suicide.holiday) ",4.3150724637681135,7.694075000000005,5.356521739130431,70.31420289855075,81.6086956521739,9.153623188405795,20.71014492753623,9.2995712137729,2.4129536231884066,214,6,37,7,6,70,38,46,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,5,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713309344761212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748698379029626,0.3068032641483252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436996894173304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991039332696843,0.0,0.25560702840083993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179481213783877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31863868849834764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28343528173096944,0.0,0.0,0.25694031619062324
suicidewatch,anxiousbug0,2019/02/16,"Does suicide make you a coward or powerful/strength? I think it takes a lot of strength to kill yourself. I have been dealing with a lot lately, I have been having major suicidal thoughts and anxiety built up. I don't have a support system, my boyfriend doesn't really understand.  I think it might be me too... The reason why I say that is because every time I tell him something, I don't get the best response (it's usually negative, tells me to basically get over it) and now I don't tell him much because his responses just make me feel worse... 

​

I don't really want help even though I say I do. I just want to let go... I don't need anyone to tell me that it gets better because it doesn't. It only gets worse. ",3.433418430884185,4.724235280821919,4.700062266500623,85.00564757160649,72.90410958904108,8.048816936488171,28.341220423412203,8.575989854853784,2.0258438356164383,565,22,116,10,11,187,83,146,0.246,0.713,0.041,-0.9819,1,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,0,3,6,5,1,0,6,0,18,0,0,3,0,20,35,4,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,3,3,23,4,8,29,5,8,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,4,4,78,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264154088487112,0.14875316351053766,0.0,0.0,0.09365062745535996,0.0,0.0,0.0855986019555698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238774804821967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847177434319812,0.10827015149697564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620918976597065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713018093441437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808569640645819,0.0,0.10314375825681572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189900725878799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558366673059289,0.0,0.06957385646334256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205524981427474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543910391851727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380945946214152,0.0,0.0,0.12518229311927428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815346236590185,0.0,0.0,0.1634320122929083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986780615426866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999246154142564,0.0907725517264805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931055909541267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685020828293195,0.12586769546290152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470589354296985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424455729349847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26781425580178403,0.13892026466363736,0.0,0.0,0.09204427296509014,0.0,0.4280003612371533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688302047228905,0.12027659502771493,0.09718745534211856,0.0713838292467311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744307813704614,0.0,0.0,0.13482784878580514,0.0,0.1444124552010396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046461073217376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24951197815975576,0.0,0.0,0.14875316351053766,0.0
suicidewatch,niniyo27,2019/02/16,"Jumping from 26th floor Im 5”9, 120lbs female. 
Will I die? 

Or should I hang myself. ",-1.8502941176470564,-0.9724808823529384,-0.05014705882352821,102.99183823529414,122.52941176470587,1.7000000000000002,10.132352941176473,3.1291,-2.0944000000000003,63,1,14,0,4,20,15,17,0.231,0.769,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6928365741186797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7210946411973197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfamousJello2,2019/02/16,"How long until i die ? So i'm 19, male and i basically smoke a lot of cigarettes and weed to kill myself, i've figured out i'm too pussy to actually kill myself and so i just decided to smoke a lot and see where it leads me. I smoke like 20 cigarettes (possibly more) and 3 joints a day for 4 years now. ",-0.08798701298701063,1.8188069545454584,3.1053246753246766,89.59227272727274,85.51515151515152,7.40779220779221,20.034632034632033,8.418075326091056,1.0616086580086588,233,7,56,6,7,84,44,66,0.202,0.76,0.038,-0.9153,0,0,5,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,13,3,9,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,7,3,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,6,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.2648599113000204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750389151043087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816838169276063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6005564861684315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259866973193926,0.0,0.0,0.24019194154639803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46149121016580996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30597734817718475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628100070413075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478105694107482
suicidewatch,darkangelsorrow,2019/02/16,"Suicide by co Will it hurt others if i do it in my room and close the door??
And apparently it takes 5 minutes in a small place like a car idk about a big room
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suicidewatch,bumblybumblebee975,2019/02/16,"Had to quit my job. 2 torn ligaments in my ankle that require surgery and I can’t walk for 2-3 months. Best friend is too busy to talk to me and I don’t have many other friends. Things are looking bleak I’m a very active person and I just found out I have 2 torn ligaments in my ankle that require surgery and I have to be off my feet for 2-3 months, so I had to quit my job yesterday bc it requires a lot of walking. My dad sharpened all the knives in our house a week ago and 2 nights ago I ended up in the Er after using one of them to self harm and cutting wayy deeper than I meant to. I haven’t cut in years. There was sexual harassment stuff going on at work that was really stressing me out, and the guy ended up getting fired for it which stressed me out even more (I feel terrible that he got fired) and people started talking behind my back about what happened and it sucked. I’ve been trying to reach out to my best friend who lives in a different state but she said she’s too busy to talk right now. I didn’t tell her I was suicidal. All I can think about is how easily the knife cut me, I barely put pressure on it. Now that I know how truly sharp they are I can’t stop thinking about what if I just went all in...... I’ve attempted suicide before and have several mental health issues including PTSD and bipolar. My therapist just went out of town for a month and now we’re just doing phone sessions. Things suck and the world is looking dark. ",2.3125,3.8154727763157896,3.5142421052631576,91.52549473684212,76.17105263157895,6.706105263157895,23.015263157894736,7.404127859558343,0.7465401578947373,1140,33,252,14,25,370,168,304,0.145,0.7859999999999999,0.07,-0.9687,3,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,2,9,18,16,6,3,10,0,23,3,1,3,3,41,43,18,2,1,6,1,4,0,3,0,2,1,0,3,17,18,0,4,6,0,0,6,5,11,1,1,13,7,36,5,41,29,7,46,0,0,2,0,21,21,2,2,18,165,53,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905798596990264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199876841679776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090741890234899,0.0,0.22382199319897397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141500349165352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890091124073005,0.0,0.0,0.07043401927573169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539198561416662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692410204504187,0.2471669595866576,0.0,0.05571444885709589,0.0,0.06060537152139488,0.0,0.08528890819646487,0.0,0.0,0.10558932405805088,0.0943004693452182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335221483281402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230470281240088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130335581848802,0.21164540203289067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058605976852894925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941641446097234,0.0,0.17909971686721365,0.0,0.0,0.09066061996144298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081151554086954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746697761848538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553545721798225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000734285752296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226131085637523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393001929798282,0.093113015949381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465522332996545,0.10720159639834463,0.0,0.226847294832518,0.0,0.0,0.0683156405970094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910690787425725,0.10143805941629708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124767962947132,0.1204716574266836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754795961094557,0.0,0.0,0.08915493532375908,0.2443091087832872,0.0,0.12207608206841998,0.23329140134908102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571370404526748,0.09320714066545896,0.0,0.0,0.12381603757387954,0.14169235691427978,0.13665986369652047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240084558123723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210181200099647,0.0,0.08798830005621494,0.0,0.0,0.08553933155047998,0.0,0.0,0.1977107459320926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763442405078701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686719860779184
suicidewatch,SadButDetermined,2019/02/16,"Auditory memories Anyone else ever noticed a heightened sensitivity for auditory memories after the decision to step out was taken?

​

I have had songs coming back, religious ones, for instance, from back when I was a little kid, and I have never enjoyed growing up in a religious surrounding nor have I ever been religious myself so there is no reason for me to store those memories as they are not attached to many things either.  


  
Those past weeks, while I am mentally preparing myself, I find myself multiple times a day, vividly remembering memories of long forgotten music, which made me wonder if there is a connection with my current state of being and if so if other people here would recognize it.

​

Thank you for reading.  ",9.811560439560438,10.015186353846158,9.988241758241763,56.52961538461543,58.53846153846154,13.274725274725276,41.64835164835165,12.540900571622839,5.9886813186813175,606,30,82,19,7,202,93,130,0.069,0.911,0.02,-0.6229,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,0,10,2,0,0,6,0,13,0,0,2,3,20,18,11,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,2,1,3,4,0,0,1,6,2,14,2,16,10,1,23,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,4,14,77,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338258495070489,0.3743748062974293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771522188224614,0.1578422540033789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690961828404866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327002866971458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934939511953872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868886441947874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786937786864082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079875234631067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543983984390282,0.0,0.13632925050410602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457656724390603,0.0,0.1561823469616136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552459941612989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881272456369668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538675071445733,0.0,0.0,0.10438815059191706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705799234751055,0.10679875435805633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409151651149322,0.0,0.0,0.1583888805991326,0.0,0.0,0.17450842540332748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182838478047208,0.0,0.0,0.1023438608849051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982769379933417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356948023225132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706046761758045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943257821835384,0.0,0.3743748062974293,0.0
suicidewatch,KatelyCC,2019/02/16,I'm scared of men and I don't know why. I want to be loved but I just end up feeling like I want to die. 20F I've never had a boyfriend. I want to be around men but I'm scared when I get closer to them. I wanna know them but I'm scared of interacting with them. I don't know what is wrong with me!! I hate this feeling. I'm alone and the world is so colddd. I'd better die now. ,-3.0630016051364386,-1.4941150449438183,0.015128410914927668,106.27688202247194,103.94382022471909,2.992295345104334,10.851524879614768,4.65589566412798,-1.9878160513643657,287,4,81,1,14,99,49,89,0.34700000000000003,0.525,0.128,-0.9749,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,1,5,8,1,3,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,19,22,7,2,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,13,3,11,19,0,8,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921613695174728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516811925214728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409324656757332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851182161776275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433156050368194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876271330550052,0.1325483545087979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693592543469999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831803218164696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059004289970517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064447455959992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745525128544375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430983115224656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5572675909641567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283052848512192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741914881657785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285663120578615,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ukesoda,2019/02/16,"What's the point in living? I don't really see the point in living anymore. My parents were abusive (dad raped me, then i had a miscarriage, mom molested me) and I dont have any friends. Right now I am living in a shelter, and just recently got a job. I work full time while being a full time high school student.

 The job is too much for me physically and mentally, and my boss tells me I'm doing a terrible job. I try my fucking hardest but my boss comes around and scolds me for half assing things. I tried to switch positions but theres no positions available. My coworkers and my manager get so frustrated with me that they take over and do my tasks for me. Everyone thinks of me as a joke, as someone who is incompetent. I wish i could just quit my job before finding another one for the sake of my health, but i really need the money

I feel like a waste of space and a burden on everyone. I have a bad habit of venting to others uncontrollably and a lot of people hate me for it.

 I need money to get my permit but I dont have anyone to take in my paycheck, and I dont have a bank account, but for me to cash in my check i need a bank account. I dont even have the money necessary to order a new permit, so Im stuck. No car no permit no transportation. 

I feel so stressed and so burned out that I ended up feeling like I had to buy cigarettes. Now all I want to do on a daily basis is smoke. Its the only thing that makes me feel better and the only thing that helps with my venting habit. 

I can't help but feel like if this is what life has to offer to me, whats the point in living? I dont have anything or anyone. Even if i were to die nobody would care. I'm too slow, too stupid and a burden so what value does a person like me have on anyone? It would be better for everyone else if I died.",2.643571428571427,3.5842563858267766,4.520985189351332,86.88516732283466,74.3805774278215,7.752568428946383,23.843363329583802,8.192908349453996,1.1930276715410573,1397,39,309,22,28,478,175,381,0.196,0.7040000000000001,0.1,-0.9915,5,0,2,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,4,16,21,6,2,25,0,32,5,1,6,1,53,57,32,2,11,12,3,5,4,1,2,2,0,0,1,17,18,0,0,7,1,10,3,11,12,0,2,6,6,52,9,40,46,5,35,0,0,1,3,11,21,2,5,14,217,69,10,0.0,0.09150752739388933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052520544116114086,0.08098469525413925,0.0,0.0,0.07659358906750699,0.16200764904321027,0.0,0.06355551964051574,0.06875303179910748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644856606541681,0.0,0.0,0.06571891341821873,0.0,0.0,0.13661120863229154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874337472320395,0.0,0.0,0.06652870132773687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061663626919528376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603096595345638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758641830687398,0.0,0.4525778135336826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451759252569325,0.0,0.06840480509231027,0.0,0.0,0.10202227885040734,0.0,0.0,0.22139602922194104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952546033658737,0.16552409642475738,0.0,0.0,0.07058883123247366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966940580905199,0.07139992400419673,0.08070127327312526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061769645295995636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625080764885404,0.0,0.0820942166079766,0.0,0.0,0.10353423078073196,0.08160005919320655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342402865321259,0.0,0.306564163818008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455138658746208,0.15092700625344296,0.0,0.2727897887375953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566005422924984,0.0,0.0,0.05155309293431022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783189196460706,0.0,0.0,0.09045341871103438,0.0,0.0,0.0567745531385563,0.1718000921381101,0.0,0.07459133961403408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233453721719685,0.11747713598629525,0.0,0.0,0.08575721781366212,0.0,0.0,0.05354308274463049,0.06743617768426356,0.0,0.0,0.21902817675479352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214595094759093,0.0,0.0,0.09895384938274768,0.0,0.07625747971853802,0.0,0.0,0.06595587644765936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816310920046073,0.061544063774854274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543859207211396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846922367303772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613800482945442,0.0,0.06750434657572514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392892486536924,0.049487274988256134,0.0,0.0,0.09006943331440206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487118771368074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555355232675036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881321798621636,0.0,0.0,0.05622596112180965,0.0,0.0,0.1097270773563394,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acrylic_style,2019/02/16,"Fucking my younger brother Fuck this. He is elementary school student.

If he didn't do homework, my dad will anger and everyone will feel bad.

I talked ""please do homework before dad will anger."" but he didn't, and dad anger.
This makes me annoyed by noisy the room. 

Then makes me suicidal thought because too noisy and that made headache.

There is no whereabouts to me.
Should I running away from home or just die?",2.911154401154402,5.787580519480523,2.151861471861473,94.87318903318905,81.46753246753245,4.9806637806637815,28.036075036075033,6.42735559955562,1.1180862914862917,328,15,64,3,9,94,55,77,0.34700000000000003,0.636,0.017,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,1,0,10,2,0,3,0,13,17,7,2,2,4,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,1,7,0,4,9,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,2,2,2,1,36,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297302730825489,0.0,0.20416015076403826,0.14905432211130834,0.0,0.2080646012679887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537683876345053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23364494910435224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363433624207636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521011059315394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526888898907054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23136638948432145,0.32643186466729485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26840448941232703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474626451317995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674601679295781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965322214268801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941179198891491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ebsibd,2019/02/16,"Friends All of my friends including me are all suicidal and depressed. It fucking hurts to see them go down spiraling into self hatred and further pushing others down a collison course to out other friends. It fucking hurts to see the people you care about get treated like abysmal garbage and are hurt, beaten and physical and verbal abuse. It most definitely fucking hurts to have your best friend completely back stab you and try to ruin your relationships and reputation. 

I was fucking with you through thick and thin and this is how you fucking pay me back. I was with you when everyone was against you, when you were at your witts' end helping you through a metric fuck ton of problems. Now I hate your guts more than anything in this god forsaken planet. I remember a time when I still cared for you. I cant believe you would fucking do this. More than 7 times have I stuck with you through every one of your problems and breakdowns. When you had the smallest, little inkling of a problem. When it wasnt even a fucking problem you fucking dramatic bitch. I helped you. You said you would change time and time again, with your half-assed apologies and fake as fuck tears. I used to be really happy with you and all that wholesome shit. A few months ago it just got too fucking hard for my little fucking mind to handle. I gave you one last chance to finally better yourself and you squandered it. 

Tiresome 
It got so fucking tiring and annoying to here your whore mouth yap on and on. You were toxic and irritating. You could fix those 'problems' in 5 fucking seconds if you actually put your mind to it. Chance and chance again I yearned for breaking things off. But everyone else were still hopeful for change. They were wrong.

Peace
I was so relieved when you said to me those magical words ""goodbye"". It felt like an abysmally large weight was lifted from my chest. No more drama, no more fights. Just peace. It was hard with our other friends not wanting to break it off. For those few last months I yearned for you to slip up one more time. So I could show you how much of a horrible person you were being. Childish, fucking retarded, idiotic, prideful, weak, scared and an asshole. I almost fucking killed you. Be grateful for our friends being more than generous and helpful. I urged them to get out like I did. But their compassion over powered their common sense. They were so commendable yet fucking idiotic. 

You hurt us a lot and yet they still care for you.

Shits getting numb.",4.2443669649285205,6.6855867602591825,3.9498904659055865,86.37844672426209,73.4060475161987,6.742137200452536,30.030289005451003,7.7094869923839395,2.005049202920909,1982,88,362,27,42,598,229,463,0.238,0.616,0.147,-0.9948,1,0,0,0,2,0,51.0,3,37,7,5,29,66,27,1,12,0,30,27,5,3,3,63,67,37,2,14,6,0,6,3,6,2,3,2,0,2,22,30,1,0,2,2,1,3,5,47,0,4,22,10,70,19,57,37,16,53,0,9,2,18,64,19,20,5,32,265,92,2,0.0,0.05666463620864879,0.04667016247176555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239385092342905,0.0,0.047889686879974636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393557830928994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354872731416726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053882237636911134,0.05018923778534602,0.04229720034862155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628188990372468,0.0,0.10118471657344906,0.0,0.050143453580723626,0.0,0.0,0.07636851494545464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04119148001321691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995153200664865,0.0,0.04235862891141925,0.0,0.0,0.031587867582474435,0.0,0.04029450543273865,0.09139740238636307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591936350361128,0.052389794146476265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169619937836624,0.7516262779927719,0.07495954303156754,0.0,0.027179968857237998,0.0,0.07649981546039676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050910450512413566,0.08568335780133618,0.04721714594515968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961679823957996,0.0,0.0,0.04750087490273839,0.0,0.0,0.2559874974865496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291111940153995,0.0,0.0,0.07796728454119052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700944294992193,0.09586614327258684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04065898393610237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657894624777973,0.0,0.07634669056741687,0.0,0.03515677334015392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722208424872646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03315573474250241,0.04175882120967209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288096505130211,0.0,0.04807719148334235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030637828583122983,0.0,0.0,0.05134599940922678,0.05417624107867729,0.0,0.09098478325144198,0.0,0.047881025851355764,0.0,0.07622043964957745,0.0,0.04989175698232612,0.0,0.09818305870339353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145789798415193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523126322317073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03177271050041522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943529613446212,0.05496763881175582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0324699391941032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057527415509676584,0.04130532193831287,0.0,0.0,0.028208340276707426,0.0,0.0,0.058237792805580973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794681375087007,0.0522889744193356,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-NotSoCreativeName-,2019/02/16,"I want to die in my sleep but... This breakup is killing me. I gave 200% effort. Yet I still failed her. I’m a failure.

I have an adorable cat that I must know he’s taken well care of. And I hope my parents won’t be too sad.

But mostly, i hope she would come to the ER. But then...she’ll be more disappointed and even frightened that I am like this and dislike me more.

*sigh* ",-1.1320113636363622,0.9309179125000036,0.5213636363636382,104.27818181818184,94.875,3.4090909090909096,17.272727272727273,4.851557810540192,-1.063125,283,8,72,1,11,90,60,80,0.277,0.536,0.187,-0.8955,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,1,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,1,14,17,6,2,5,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,0,14,6,4,10,3,4,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,47,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27709380251517435,0.0,0.0,0.23411100796860615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820606387298729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795055221299294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398698933241873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006799395322922,0.0,0.1493610130884324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327760532616412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017751482031328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719723299066805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21704070977953427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030055959201378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443593137758435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306191289376606,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckintiredthrowaway,2019/02/16,"I am sick of my SO I've gotta clean everything, I've got to do laundry.  I have to friggin cook as well.

I get to nag my SO to wake up for their appointments and nag them to drive me down to the store to get food for us.

I have to nag them this summer about getting me my license only to probably be saddled with all the driving.

​

And whenever I complain? I get gaslit. ""I do dishes too you know, I do laundry too and clean. I cook for you sometimes.""

They even gaslight me on other things like my dad's verbal abuse, and how their friends treat me. 

​

I'm just sick of it and I want it to stop. This life is stressing me out. I can't get out so one of these days, I'm done.",-0.4741983594332595,1.6187241342281915,1.4181991051454157,99.63842468307234,89.53691275167783,4.384936614466816,20.358314690529454,5.82211442006289,-0.21377434750186453,532,18,128,4,18,174,85,149,0.159,0.722,0.12,-0.7422,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,2,5,0,10,9,3,1,2,0,10,8,1,1,1,14,21,10,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,7,8,4,1,1,2,1,2,1,5,1,1,2,0,28,4,24,17,1,10,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,4,87,35,0,0.0,0.1887238120092274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451652192087545,0.3870915397136094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272408741063853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300138175243525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052046423002956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315291290277987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260512879619374,0.0,0.12306132670525875,0.0,0.4160928712603272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739283049950048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875375407348449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250599727014776,0.07781742323963264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079339989250734,0.12114158014469828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173356211821558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753454512401274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316736963886155,0.18245765799358274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058202689491325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159733259467798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394899294634676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321416908793244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870915397136094,0.0
suicidewatch,disapointmentsocks,2019/02/16,I don’t want to die but I’m suicidal I have hope. I know things will get better. But right now I feel so crazy. I’m hurting so much and I get these breakdowns where I hurt myself and just want to die. I feel distant from life. I’m struggling so hard to make it through this phase of my life that I want to stop it. I want to kill myself. But I don’t want to die either. I’m excited for things to get better. I just don’t know when it will and I can’t bare things right now ,-1.796510903426789,0.10888212149533236,0.4256448598130865,104.71616199376949,96.94392523364485,3.6009968847352027,13.67538940809969,5.2151,-1.4059515264797504,365,7,96,2,15,120,51,107,0.349,0.4920000000000001,0.159,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,6,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,21,25,10,5,6,6,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,15,4,11,23,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,59,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589383335768753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557859839438992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803734517819706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294466181957447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113578263739745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539729922289696,0.0,0.0,0.313424886135954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195772973858694,0.0,0.16090312262857115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679774783760208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771578854173668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761275247069693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500307977353222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223877517420182,0.0,0.15303755835208346,0.0,0.16012579678384878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29176302364180445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317200999130736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Le_Kon,2019/02/16,"Therapy explained. Every single reply is welcome, even though it changes nothing.

​

If by any chance you will ever try to talk to psychologist/therapist, then that will be like a journey for you, with destination being unknown.

​

I decided to make a list, because that's what it's all about. You'll be talking about the past, present, and the future. What happened, when, how did that affect you, who was responsible, etc., lots of questions, often no answers. It's up to you to find them.

​

That would sum up the mythical ""therapy"" that so many of you write about, or are considering... trying.

​

It's best to start early, and just add another +1, as your life progressed.

​

Shame that the editor here is so limite, it won't even let me make the complex list.

​

List.

​

Your life starts long time before you are even born.

​

1. Peasant grandparents.

2. Peasant parents.

3. Poor childhood affects the adulthood.

4. Adulthood affects everything else, esecially your growing up.

5. Lack of achievements, being lost in life with no advice, leads to history repeat itself.

6. Poverty and overall stupidity is hereditary, that means, you are more likely to be exactly the same person, or achieve as much as your grand/parent\[s\], if you are born into certain family, or a place.

7. It's possible to break the circle, but unfortunately, you're not the one that will benefit the most from it, since capital is built over the years, and you're starting with the foundation.

​

That's how it is. My grandparents were nobodies, farmers, my mother had hard time growing up, that affected her, and me, obviously. There was 1 lost generation already \[grandparents\], since my mother life didn't improve at all, that makes the 2nd generation wasted. No suprise that I'm 3rd generation that is lost, because in all that time, noone drew any conclusions out of it. To be honest, I haven't do much either, it's hardly noticeable, like non existant. 

​

""Birds of a feather flock together."" 

​

My parents are divorced. My father was uneducated, unskilled, nobody, an alcoholic, but that doesn't really suprise me, knowing that my mother is uneducates, and unskilled as well, hence the use of a saying.

​

The only thing that changed over the years is my mother moving out of a village, to the city, but since it's one of the worst  major cities, it's not really an improvement. 

​

Poverty, no achievements, no nothing, means that she never gave me any advice, or help of any kind. 

​

Whoever can, leaves, but that costs money, and with lack of support from your parents, you're doomed to fail. I see a lot of colleagues from the past, still here, failing at life, only because their parents failed too, and had nothing to offer to their kids. Whoever was lucky and born into good families, is gone, living better/good life.

​

If you were to ask me why do I write all of it, it's because that's what ""therapy"" is, like I wrote. The sooner you do it, the better, really, also ""therapy"" is about acceptance, and facing whatever that you are trying to run from, changes, or trying to break the circle... These people are there to have an insight on your life, make you think, and find a solution. 

​

To me, they also seem to be like coaches, saying whatever you want to hear, and in general, their approach is neutral, because patient < > pro.

​

That's why I'm done with them, and have no plans of ever coming back. I could accept certain things going not the way I wanted, but during all my life \[31\], there's not a single thing that I would be happy with, and the worst of all is the fact, that I'm unable to counter all of that, that's when suicide steps in. You can't change anything, you disappear. 

​

I never thought that therapies don't work, they might, but not when you have a list of e.g. 100 points for nay, and 2 for yay...

​

See.

​

Grandparents failed, my parents failed at everything too, and I got to pay for that. 

​

No support, no nothing. I did what I could, but that's not enough. Poverty awaits, or freedom and death. 

​

I'm not enjoying this life. Why should I?

​

31 years wasted. The only time I was abroad, was when I was working as a cheap labor, and living like a cockroach. I can expect 400$\~ a month wage here, do I want to? No. No luck hitting lotteries, money would help. 

​

Feels like a rat in a cage, deja vu 24/7/365, madness. 

​

Think about it!

​

Therapisits, etc. will tell you to try, obviously, but they will tell you whatever they have to tell you. 

​

There's too much to to write about.  ",5.252431975377537,7.374134920653447,5.2947531835016015,79.22373835252736,69.68844807467912,7.9086060237092655,31.32344038015998,8.587818076936951,2.6682068861718498,3725,162,631,63,69,1165,349,857,0.147,0.747,0.106,-0.9916,11,0,1,0,1,1,318.0,0,26,9,20,37,40,2,1,44,1,72,11,1,12,17,130,113,52,2,15,26,10,3,7,0,12,10,3,0,2,56,30,1,1,19,1,7,12,25,14,1,2,23,8,69,26,89,66,27,70,1,9,2,0,71,21,0,18,41,443,125,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033552050414673754,0.0,0.01834699280772377,0.0,0.0,0.018944924517914716,0.027457920978947857,0.0,0.502230713043639,0.5632353701487754,0.04669835256656333,0.018001773949220916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014127510070927354,0.0,0.01604943176531353,0.0,0.0,0.013200860257081956,0.0,0.0523261889944064,0.0,0.014608402486798606,0.0,0.01801638556120029,0.030366775957000026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264437346049102,0.014788407101846075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02741393714481397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01756846257510834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014341365522840719,0.0,0.0,0.017738767759079576,0.03829292722270618,0.034017205273527494,0.031058237766829512,0.014464482385226856,0.0,0.030858346914751332,0.0,0.03236825797285777,0.0,0.008680477765106106,0.01226456989861604,0.0,0.0,0.031381835276382004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.009756768982381158,0.028798814292396325,0.013730534986303312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015181292866204253,0.01827527864537237,0.030757677909543268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01934918501033021,0.0,0.023014222782124324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017877461722365817,0.009434889396538313,0.0,0.0,0.01817805854758101,0.0,0.017555081416149556,0.10913414617343707,0.0587107134445809,0.0,0.030318692297968037,0.015192826681267728,0.0,0.0,0.05622154155250299,0.02919063781173218,0.0,0.0,0.04583814867608319,0.017405298710931813,0.0,0.037401199229860224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01821215967183691,0.0,0.0,0.013703051433726342,0.018246491037984983,0.03786058594630879,0.0,0.026481494252344296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589127829550086,0.019545479021871433,0.0,0.0,0.023266482778371983,0.039170305690304184,0.0,0.0,0.114375836922106,0.0,0.03277692177679261,0.01190188428922938,0.014990126503063687,0.017936536365518417,0.0,0.016228974763180203,0.01935394164067696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019231692780594747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03299410133735912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027304802685586074,0.0,0.0,0.027360782688991742,0.015628780358189917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042603763106769416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036454045093845436,0.0,0.013710104457470831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01877861855640481,0.038963282997213335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02759740748528956,0.04501583850501525,0.0,0.09816349820922378,0.01993296047192294,0.03421626396169415,0.02200066901297596,0.01686712525833801,0.013629193463756713,0.04004237030644185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058278524389196326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014827334277378269,0.0,0.0,0.030377767638568205,0.013626878491046629,0.0,0.0,0.0154357757142693,0.0,0.046473391404299125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024996501845594533,0.0,0.0,0.03658620995878612,0.0,0.5632353701487754,0.03316620393063754
suicidewatch,Moehnheimer,2019/02/16,Hello I don't know if its a good idea to be here. I'd like to help you but it is really difficult Hey everyone. I'm here because I thought that I was going to find out new things. Maybe something that could help me. But I have to say that it wasn't really helpful. There's many people here. I can understand much of the feelings people are going through. But that is no help and I don't have the strength to be helpful because I have not figured out how to get out of my hole. I'm sorry. If I had an idea I wish I could help you. I guess ill get off here. I wish you the best,-0.6931233595800528,1.3072628897637806,1.6490078740157479,98.32007349081364,89.39370078740156,4.961469816272967,18.70288713910761,6.42735559955562,-0.17645994750656113,445,13,109,5,15,150,70,127,0.153,0.642,0.205,0.8112,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,2,6,5,0,0,5,0,16,1,0,1,0,24,29,7,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,2,17,4,13,21,2,7,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,3,2,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198514130113404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480401437609939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22525956619806775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479468094860325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132724662753083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893183790994278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740240492875434,0.0,0.1603422038108607,0.11831953178150352,0.0,0.0,0.15540018673248654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5673217035081438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184928585457153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752622621712776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891775925009855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430188599492718,0.14171983399198654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369979718976084,0.0,0.0,0.13624249531670732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559491055728126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807410810807134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218140567675644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859955723153304,0.0,0.1579119229221361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937180327438894,0.0,0.0,0.11199070717414863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685476016196067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244380513383941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,firefly1595,2019/02/16,"I’m worried about him - please help me For context: There’s a guy I’ve been talking to on and off for awhile now.
He deals with depression. He called me extremely drunk about two/three weeks ago, saying that he was sorry he ended things and whatnot, that he got scared because I made him really happy and everything... so on and so forth.
He ended the conversation by crying and essentially admitting that he’s suicidal.

I haven’t heard from him for four days. I texted him on Valentine’s Day and told him to drive safe when he heads to Portland (he drove there yesterday to visit his best friend who recently moved there).
He called me at 3:50 this morning and said “I wanted to let you know that I love you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

Then went on to say that I won’t hear from him for a long time... I said that I’ll miss him. He said “yeah, so will everyone else.”

I asked if it was something I did. He said “I don’t have the time or energy to explain what’s going on right now.” I said okay. And he said “I need you to understand that you won’t ever talk to me again from this point forward. I’m trying to let you down easy. Are we good?”

And I said yeah. And he said okay. And hung up

I called him, he didn’t answer. He called me back and said “you called?” I said yeah. I asked if he was safe. He said yes. I asked if he was going to continue to be safe. He said “safe enough.”
He said once he gets his hands on what he needs, he’s gone forever. Told me to tell his parents that he loves them.. I don’t know his parents. I asked their names and he said “you’ll be able to figure it out.” 

Said he can’t transfer all his money to their account because he can’t transfer more than $1,000 at a time. 
He said he was in his truck and it was really cold. I asked why he was in his truck, he said “it doesn’t matter.” “Once I have my keys and get what I need, I’ll be gone” I asked where his keys were and he said “it doesn’t matter..”
I told him that I care about him. He said “I know, a lot of people do. I don’t know if you’ve gotten the memo, but I’m not here anymore. I’ve been gone for a long time.” Said he was going to go, and I can either make peace with it now or be in pain. I asked him not to go, he didn’t say anything. I asked again and he hung up. 

I called his best friend in Portland where he’s at right now, it took 3 calls before he answered. I told him he needed to check on him now, that he’s talking like he’s going to kill himself. He said alright and we hung up. Now I’m just sitting here and I’m terrified. 

Did I do the right things? What can I do from here on out? I want to call him again but he despises being pushed on things and I don’t want to push him and anger him. I’m hoping that his friend has talked to him and is with him, but I have no way of knowing. I’m also afraid that he will tell his friend that he’s fine, and his friend will believe it. 

Any and all tips, advice, comments are greatly appreciated. I’m at a loss

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suicidewatch,throwaway159743,2019/02/16,"Im 16, with chronic pain and want to end it. Growing up, I always had health issues. Since I was born I had seizures but have been seizure free for 9 years. When coming off of seizure meds I gained a lot of weight. Fast forward to 2014 I believe and i get in a car accident causing me to have bulging disks in the C5-C7 area (upper spine/neck area). This triggered my fibromyalgia. I now have constant pain that has progressively gotten worse. 2 years ago I had to do online school because it was too hard to do anything. 1 year ago I tried going to actual school, but i had to stop because stomach issues developed. I now can’t eat without pain, breathe without pain, walk without pain, everything hurts. You may think “just take some pills” well I tried. Many. Even narcotics, but we found out I have dumping syndrome which means my body digests things way too quickly so by the time it gets to my intestines it’s not even fully digested and out of my system very quickly, so pills take on average 30 mins to an 1 hour to work, well by then it’s already out of the area it needs to be in. So I have 0 pain relief. I have lost all of my friends because of this, I have online friends but it’s not the same. And they won’t admit it, but my parents resent me for this. It’s small things of “well we can’t do this because she’s in too much pain” or when I ask to use the wheelchair I get many grunts and complaints. There is no point in living a life where I’m stuck in my room, in pain, with close to no chance of getting better. ",1.7344230769230755,3.7806200064102597,2.5730512820512854,95.13861538461538,79.7051282051282,5.1856410256410275,23.861538461538462,6.079149491110277,0.3809953846153853,1190,42,260,8,30,373,171,312,0.187,0.69,0.123,-0.9766,1,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,2,1,1,5,20,20,2,0,9,0,24,21,4,3,1,41,44,17,0,2,12,1,2,0,2,2,15,0,1,0,17,14,4,1,4,0,1,6,10,12,3,0,11,2,32,9,43,30,5,50,0,2,0,0,10,23,0,4,21,166,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.07612643363981661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830218315657858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608589197175984,0.0,0.06491050676531505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419552132001144,0.0,0.07292874921989866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021650463929865,0.0,0.0,0.08789047156869624,0.0,0.06899343916870565,0.0,0.08665144049016878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013768169969612,0.0,0.06719864283439518,0.0,0.08430101528819574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982362837638342,0.0,0.0,0.06909363889293497,0.0,0.0,0.10304963934056707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011029039514936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553385615261028,0.12054054893842818,0.0,0.1630278640867058,0.0,0.044334838062639714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988157000359936,0.0,0.0,0.08292090226491353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768240621281856,0.0,0.08351123804988682,0.0,0.08426410546715962,0.1628441879709959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510071698759522,0.0,0.0,0.06888419289873186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515704822854421,0.06632124849247334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817963942253932,0.0,0.08497567761411202,0.08665144049016878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734627074179228,0.05784337085650109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6640644816561774,0.0,0.08662078975422784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374459407079899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790041750890926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453061601330487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521979027335237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730751014645205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036526555454034,0.04998560997607927,0.0,0.0,0.04548821455099918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059272366083652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737552823842312,0.0,0.06436635790644618,0.04601227487612166,0.061920647326055435,0.0,0.0949950725375251,0.21042087331343406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22559635145176415,0.0,0.05679215442418141,0.0,0.07949877805199795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070750194788785
suicidewatch,eatmystella,2019/02/16,"I don't know what to do I want to end it so bad, my husband is asleep in the bed, Im in another room debating on whether or not to go through with what I've wanted to do for months. I'm so tired of feeling nothing, I know if I do this it'll break him but I don't think I can go on anymore, I love him and I know Im probably being selfish but I really don't care at the moment",-0.6806666666666672,0.45007043333333385,2.695277777777779,95.77625000000003,83.55555555555556,6.277777777777778,22.36111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.4731111111111104,289,10,78,4,8,106,56,90,0.15,0.755,0.095,-0.6998,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,10,3,1,0,0,15,22,8,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,12,2,13,20,0,12,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,3,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310000271420788,0.0,0.0,0.21847487476467387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839383270461384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246069043198541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511725991417686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113885001001528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250399089123834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759159202295993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632074893558783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882613959796025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583851802877906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138037725645506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375168238734482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112754157742893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411570646725426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253198352839287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598730980187174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HalfCookedShrimp,2019/02/16,"If I had one wish. I would wish for the starry night sky above me, so I could gaze at it, and ever so slowly, unnoticeably, die.  

I thought I could try hide these feelings I have. Maybe I could try forget about. Convince myself that I don’t want to. 

But I do. 

I want to die. So, so badly. 

I just don’t want to feel so fucking awful all the time. This weight in my chest hurts. It’s like a burning anvil. Every god damn day I think about dying, wanting to die. I don’t like wanting to die. I don’t like feeling so empty. I don’t like staying awake all night because tomorrow is just another awful day. 

I don’t see any value in myself. I’m ugly and I’m stupid. I’m a talentless, jobless loser. I don’t have any future for me. I don’t want a long sad life full of nothing. The only thing I’m good at is making people laugh and acting, which in reality, is just me being an exceptional liar. 

I know what you’ll say, life is precious, it will get better, I’ll find someone who loves me, I’m so young, I should pursue acting cause I’m great at it.

I can’t, i fucking can’t do it. 

I’ve tried living to see if things got better. I’ve been with multiple girls. I’m too scared to try acting. I’m too scared of life.  

I’ve actually attempted. Obviously it didn’t work out the way I planned, no one knows but me. 

I wish I wanted to live. 




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suicidewatch,King_Reinhard,2019/02/16,"How much does the Anesthesia killing method cost? My mother won't pay for it, so I'm going out on my own terms. I want to save up as much money for travel and the operation. ",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,76.83783783783784,7.095495495495496,20.44144144144144,7.793537801064563,0.5449711711711704,135,3,31,2,3,46,32,37,0.109,0.746,0.14400000000000002,-0.1541,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985056047949741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25880262224906325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038098652421836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6695125500723174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859458416787924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dive_a_little_deeper,2019/02/16,"10mg Xanax Does anyone know the outcome of large doses of Xanax?

Do people die from that or do they end up in a coma? Does it cause permanent brain damage?

I want to take away my suffering and I just wanted to see what the chances are of peacefully passing in my sleep. I know two downers can cause breathing difficulties but what does one large dose do? 

I really would just like to go to a peaceful deep sleep for good. ",1.8523809523809551,4.2685413809523824,2.9404761904761934,90.60452380952385,81.61904761904762,6.114285714285715,21.238095238095237,7.3871296695380915,0.7342238095238094,332,10,68,5,9,106,61,84,0.08800000000000001,0.723,0.189,0.8835,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,6,9,4,2,0,12,13,3,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,7,2,13,12,0,8,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340223944347646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792500393583066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129806435093672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919802352669261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800609149597756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008752148564424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898006190266035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842826923442483,0.16002252361242614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097023573136214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932085648993282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292817562549147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226722047431172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222260973946512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203200553502105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818482315176925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344757812590286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863705241736604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506144361269972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552913643311146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fenoble,2019/02/16,"Alone So much has happened that caused my entire world to collapse. I don't know where to begin. My loved ones were picked off one after the other. I'm alone. Not the run of the mill ""I feel alone"". I mean alone. I have no one for the line, ""In case of emergency contact __________"". That was my ""I have no one"" moment. No one. ",-1.5168181818181807,0.3819930757575776,0.3378787878787897,103.3268181818182,103.0909090909091,3.0060606060606063,12.06060606060606,4.851557810540192,-1.6166484848484846,237,4,57,1,11,76,44,66,0.244,0.7040000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.8885,0,4,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,0,6,13,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,2,1,8,1,8,11,1,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7149268817068181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727816128629387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725718486982896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526041439233164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484061944257156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575224735277532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798062986071865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268596897003757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5846935629580177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aia-alienobserver,2019/02/16,"Too sad to live, too scared to die No matter how many times I do this where I break down and indulge my worst impulse to talk or type through my problems as if someone else can just read this mess and give me all the answers, I know nothing will change. No matter what I do, nothing changes that, eventually, even the rare few who can tolerate me will realize that I’m a hollow automaton of a being. I can rarely truly engage with people in conversation because finding even a sliver of personality is so often just impossible. The best I can do is hope people find my dumb fucking self-absorbed schtick of laughing with others about my own constant absentmindedness is endearing enough for people to stick around. Eventually, though, it’s inevitable that it just becomes irritating as it becomes more and more obvious how real it is. Even now, being able to name that it likely really is mostly anxiety short-circuiting my thinking, that doesn’t change how it affects my relationships with others. All I really have to keep me here is the people in my life, who really do mean the world to me, especially my girlfriend, but at the same time, they’re all that keeps me trapped here trying to keep going; if I didn’t have to be scared that killing myself would put my girlfriend or my best friend into a worse place than they already are when they’re probably still not doing much better than I am, I wouldn’t have anything to fear. At the same time, I don’t know my girlfriend even cares much for me to begin with anymore when I’m here anyway. I still love her and try my best to be there for her while still giving her the space I know she needs, but it hurts so much that she doesn’t talk to me about much of anything personal anymore at all. When I try to talk to her, I rarely get much at all anymore, probably because it ends up sounding aritificjal and because I just have no enthusiasm when I talk, even if it’s about a topic i’m genuinely interested in. I can’t bring out her wonderful sense of humor anymore, or really say anything at all that she’d have any reason to engage with, and it kills me when we’re together with any other friends because they can do it so easily. I can’t even manage to do the one thing she needs right now, which is having someone there for her to just give support by having something other than how awful everything is to talk about. I try to improve my attitude so I can do that, but I can’t fuckig escape this shit in my head for long enough to do it, and when I fail, it just makes it worse. I wish I could just disappear from everyone’s minds so I’d have no reason to worry about what it would do if I did actually fucking do something to escape being a non-person automaton self-absorbed parasite",10.479270253555967,6.860386821892394,10.073061224489797,68.558843537415,60.18738404452691,13.012492269635127,40.13790970933828,10.712014347399686,4.085761657390228,2183,78,418,37,21,715,229,539,0.155,0.72,0.125,-0.9332,0,1,2,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,2,5,50,31,6,3,15,1,55,6,2,8,7,80,84,36,3,13,18,0,0,1,5,5,1,2,0,2,38,16,0,3,12,1,0,4,13,15,0,1,2,2,61,16,66,70,24,43,0,3,0,3,34,19,4,11,20,326,99,4,0.06345086861859738,0.0,0.061918894873915026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001961132642183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629753296728594,0.0,0.04853974082056234,0.0,0.2517048476505764,0.0,0.0,0.15664397552616785,0.056484725435888374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471624232090686,0.1401529986153435,0.0,0.0,0.1997633160231336,0.05611713701300388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469238933537748,0.0,0.201367817140618,0.0,0.0,0.06856784764266108,0.0,0.0506603555477801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585198402587486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300505889320821,0.0,0.05619863638049436,0.13112341753865475,0.0,0.2514522018191368,0.0,0.0,0.06063002409230776,0.057025549378768525,0.0,0.0,0.07139986758744372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598588881598375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804396739608676,0.1173186112084356,0.033150460015192035,0.1826035646542612,0.03606059086179001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511889677872056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302102936326846,0.0,0.0,0.06792546717828736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919414225855506,0.14039797019636036,0.0,0.10461281402763388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044817224970431065,0.030998889379875324,0.0,0.0560282794640232,0.05615202204506595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726688621559161,0.0,0.042353947506983285,0.06432922177162949,0.0,0.06911659718518466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406728949537696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332184459259176,0.094096030195306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217656394378682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042995950697348316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759553723628384,0.16620855319099656,0.06629265287746154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368215361878807,0.06071391204101381,0.0,0.0637856482091981,0.0,0.0,0.06346803932476992,0.07222097965093792,0.16259300475768446,0.13047612133432718,0.0,0.06812248707167917,0.0,0.054186695110626085,0.0,0.05045867745689538,0.1270507771614855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238618817890305,0.0,0.0651314048235074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075234301493725,0.09769515718312964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520158369249206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720032937815725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549970235972146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042153937701089834,0.04065675457701405,0.06234015626011567,0.0,0.110996135249619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172315899070495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296536751553491,0.0,0.0688097603840261,0.0,0.06443743706064299,0.12932371176341953,0.09014735314458927,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imblurrrrr,2019/02/16,"Goodbye! Goodbye everyone
I think this is it. I just took 1720mg fluoxetin, 600mg pipamperon and 10g paracetamol. I hope I won't fail this time and finally die, painful or not i don't care. I just need to die.
 
I hope you guys will feel better soon because you deserve all the good things in the world. I know I don't have the right to say this since I decided to kill myself. 1",0.3825694444444423,2.552577562499998,2.479166666666668,93.1202777777778,85.875,6.555555555555558,22.63888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.066347222222222,295,11,68,6,9,99,55,80,0.18,0.621,0.199,-0.2587,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,0,2,3,8,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,14,3,3,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,2,13,5,4,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,3,39,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943421526792542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877883661961016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648428172302348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407294152631209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028901289829948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736027687753928,0.0,0.0,0.2325968094112282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780920797127756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023978692377604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217826058154863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349113554591528,0.0,0.11669085104890314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574397832503545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259337727645091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813284049404157,0.0,0.16885310093155145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564132324429899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106241891466328,0.13605229923052087,0.0,0.0,0.12381115646115608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359061110013733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flobilbo,2019/02/16,Dark thoughts Ever since I was rejected a few weeks ago my brain has been filled with thoughts of ending my life. With all the snow we’ve been getting I thought of a way to make it look like an  accident by clogging the tail pipe with snow and slowly drifting off while sitting in the car. I’m just done trying to cope with all of the bs going on in my life ,5.654600000000002,4.729447493333339,5.567833333333336,88.53975000000001,67.4,8.566666666666668,30.75,7.1686216300943375,1.5419999999999998,282,9,64,2,4,88,55,75,0.085,0.8809999999999999,0.033,-0.5994,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,0,5,3,1,1,3,13,13,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,5,1,14,6,3,15,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,6,39,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165663661362852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727311258432731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25001428967036515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163864366657884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209926799368585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127642063553856,0.0,0.13884719030929968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451272214842044,0.11935768633411754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515914553403072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630790419489062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020960290802562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5818653353507978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587067668454902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939221677365466,0.19597100964106792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ocellar,2019/02/16,"I dropped out of school this week. My friends are talking about colleges. I said I didn't expect to live to 25 because I recently dropped out of school and didn't really know how to explain it to anyone. They casted me away. I never had more than these 4 friends, and we were all strange, but we were strange together. I feel like I'm dead weight to the world, and aside from my extremely low self esteem and chronic reoccurring nightmares I no longer could talk to an instructor without going home and dwelling on it alone for hours. So yes I'm a failure in life, never going to be able to make enough money to have my own place or make a mark on the world. I'm working to keep myself an alive failure, even if my existence is insubstantial and a finantial and physical nuisance to my family. What's the point of living surrounded by people who will look down on you for your lacking education and finantial ability? What's the point of leeching off my family until the pass away and I am truely alone, only to end it then. I was 12 years old when I made a big scar on my left arm, and ever since my life has only gone downhill. Whats my purpose when I can't make friends, ever have a relationship, or have a reasonable conversation with a stranger? What's my purpose when I can't do as much as read a book without the overwhelming dread of never being happy. Is it weird that I sincerely hope there is a hell so I can burn in it, and am comforted by the thought that no one cares about me?",6.501709866220738,5.820693324414716,6.931569816053513,78.65113398829432,65.5886287625418,10.418143812709033,34.072115384615394,9.827888789773867,3.0548677257525085,1180,46,239,22,16,386,173,299,0.141,0.73,0.129,-0.7191,1,4,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,2,1,1,12,15,1,3,18,1,24,5,1,6,6,43,43,25,1,5,6,0,2,1,3,1,3,1,1,1,14,16,1,1,5,2,1,4,11,6,0,1,10,4,32,9,43,29,6,43,1,2,1,0,16,21,1,4,17,169,46,6,0.110753129245339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294136810040365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744116310686093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811242139213845,0.0,0.0,0.06751407961457853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292019657475315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842736163825501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980943992409964,0.1144375886880507,0.0,0.07315139732890744,0.20036509227744345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088163869528452,0.0,0.05600010990563449,0.07912205766239178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567027787597994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588711131398236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789876552773335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109441889126566,0.11000284727699708,0.10906952278768936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844247007215756,0.0,0.0,0.06086702338868241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203335989843434,0.0,0.15645642109027788,0.05410838459262675,0.0,0.1955940844300488,0.0,0.09300473467771066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479728879057426,0.22178572135022015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814162934137031,0.0,0.25625892296354186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162167784613233,0.0,0.07504918669015548,0.16846549103644656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678227469923632,0.0,0.1157134474594399,0.0,0.2093950114237177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107831006150202,0.0,0.07095129059051923,0.1138726627718364,0.109355353772704,0.11890741260793793,0.0,0.0,0.10535158812371756,0.0,0.0,0.22417615924731346,0.0,0.0,0.11553966816285907,0.0,0.0,0.0916161330030026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780383400668621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792561337621281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883947975483905,0.13486747435408614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135241287157461,0.0,0.08062959715400983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132138405002053
suicidewatch,nmanabat49,2019/02/16,"Anyone wana pay for my death expenses? I really want to cause cause mmm can’t find a point nothing’s worth no objectives no goals. Gf of 5 years told me “if that’s what u wana do” ... soo.. Hate my job hate my birthers (drug addict and a dead beat man whore) all I do is work crazy hard for money (I work to keep my mind off things but it’s not distracting enough and very miserable and gloomy there) the money goes all to bills that support the shit life that I don’t wana be in.. pay check to pay check .. but even if I had money or a “brighter job” still not ..satisfying don’t want big house or fancy cars just not “my happiness”.. have co workers who I try to talk to (who are not therapist in anyway) but 1/2 the ppl in my life don’t care (my gf) cause they have lives tooo ig..  and the other 1/2 don’t know I’m here. No friends no fam. Like none none. no will even notice which I kinda find nice and cozy but feel for who has to pay for the .. idk clean up death costs medical cost ambulance or pointless life support idk..  like if u have no one and nothing .. is that a state issue or are there funds for that -ish somewhere. Plus someone will have to .. pick up some pieces and bring a mop. On top of that that’s traumatizing for said cleaning person/ ppl. Will some tell my asshole supervisor, my parents, landlord,... idk Sounds like a lot of bs that others have to deal with. I’m bi polar and suffer form chronic depression. But I’m no selfish asshole idk. If I/ when I start a go fund me reach my goal I’ll live stream it ez. .. my first post ever I think... been on Reddit a while too. Eeek .. just always noticed there’s good ppl here 

If I breaks rules ... sorry idk what els to say just let someone read this ... plz... (pls?...guess I don’t wana go just want reasons not to do it seems) any reasons u can suggest ? What I’m worth.. ",0.2371117005599785,2.486951832891247,1.6057152961980528,98.4721391099322,87.70026525198938,4.730421455938698,17.926849395814916,6.199608861193314,-0.3874451046271736,1399,36,325,13,45,445,202,377,0.173,0.688,0.139,-0.8287,3,0,1,0,0,0,80.0,0,0,1,8,16,19,3,2,13,0,27,10,1,6,3,57,50,25,3,8,23,1,2,3,3,3,7,3,4,2,22,10,0,1,8,1,17,4,20,9,0,2,4,5,26,10,30,41,10,25,0,3,0,2,17,11,1,14,10,181,48,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953082951884953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360191228051918,0.0,0.0,0.06832535306798773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025333296953777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243932103660466,0.30964155587530223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035836570911118,0.08653758673388665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651723845377035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381587388142367,0.0,0.13272345785001224,0.09088393677542984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080236672197786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366172315170629,0.08546261731997819,0.0,0.0,0.07762549470635911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420269005400477,0.08427231567377746,0.0,0.0,0.110682770586583,0.0,0.0,0.1069557958457819,0.09000442573324158,0.1983933503357863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159328064670955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048681191734145,0.19940867981631635,0.0893053687582118,0.0,0.0,0.055217549549057665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027408522976047,0.21290198787904765,0.14725867510477142,0.0,0.17743969471861792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541888632681298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121637377490657,0.0,0.0,0.10144948585123573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928138619975497,0.2287792492291927,0.0,0.0,0.06808337181559428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156381343446596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772949190408676,0.0,0.0,0.09497983287913264,0.0,0.0962257377146237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050058318681544,0.0,0.06436582874660585,0.2066067650042553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557320554589413,0.07990047534482879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146720407091598,0.0,0.0,0.10313449475009108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026156079854485,0.0,0.0,0.112471738324,0.07111558516596682,0.0,0.08023818196331074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22803203292260735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807567079590578,0.08781817460255745,0.0,0.0,0.1166573540249072,0.06675005826006067,0.06437929371923214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600663333441786,0.0,0.06821483904807844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290107219416494,0.17778543226885504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629165443302847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470157136715912
suicidewatch,brokenpizza98,2019/02/16,". I'm due to graduate and get my bachelor's degree in a few months but I don't wanna make it til then. I can't cope with the intensity of how I feel and how little I can control it anymore. I'm pathetic and self loathing and bitter. Maybe I'll accidently go too deep soon, seens as I'm too scared to try anything else. The therapy and meds just don't work for me. ",1.2046292947558754,2.7896589746835474,3.7481374321880665,88.2913924050633,79.50632911392404,7.552260397830018,23.943942133815554,8.418075326091056,1.3914650994575046,285,10,66,6,7,100,58,79,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,4,0,14,12,11,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,9,11,1,9,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,5,38,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730907759910691,0.0,0.0,0.22660416346134024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30884830309344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300343882878793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923418865257364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386826371460978,0.0,0.15649781612174107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759907883076645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838100854859016,0.0,0.2766438778282441,0.0,0.3058714499273624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979587991215271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756911171886921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28726857823942703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31490697628191144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869566002879979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004709733613016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pvhc47,2019/02/16,"Seriously considering giving up on life. I don't really know why I'm writing this. I'm not normally one to just put something like this out there, but the truth is I feel I have to type how I'm feeling because I can't keep this act up for much longer. I never really break down in emotion, but I did yesterday. I just heard the song The Great Pretender, and for the first time I actually listened to the lyrics and just started crying. It might as well have been written for me. Because all I do is pretend. That's all I do all the f\*cking time. I keep pretending to myself and others that I'm fine when I'm not. I keep pretending everything's okay and that all will be well when I know it won't be.

​

I'm sure many people feel this way. I'm sure many people go through ups and downs. Maybe that's why I'm writing this. Maybe I just want to know that I'm not alone. But my circumstances are unique. You see, the truth is...I had it all and lost it all. I had money, ambition and a role in life. It wasn't something I chose. It was basically given to me. I don't know if you've ever had responsibilities, but that's all I can remember. When it comes to family and friends I'm always the one everyone looks to to help them out of their troubles. Someone they can turn to and look up to. I know this seems pig headed for me to say, as though I'm somehow important. But that's just it. I'm not. I'm looked at that way by my family because I'm the breadwinner. My family is relatively small. I have my mother, grandmother and grandfather. But my mother is disabled and my grandparents are too old to work, so I take care of them all. And my friends depend on me because I've taken care of them financially for so long now. And yet I have no source of income and have never worked a day in my life. How is this possible? An inheritance. An inheritance I never should have been given.

​

I'm 24 years old and yet I feel as though my best days are long gone. When my aunt died 6 years ago I was trusted with a large amount of money when I was too young to handle the responsibility. It was an extremely life changing sum, and that's why I resolved to help everyone around me. But it was my choice. My friends were not leeches, so don't get the wrong idea. They'd given for me and helped me (emotionally and otherwise) long before I had the money. But the money served to fuel my gambling addiction. You see, with extremely savvy sports betting I started to bring in big money, money which created a wealthy lifestyle for my friends and family... But now it's all gone. I can't get into too much detail, but I ended up making poor, illegal choices to keep money rolling in and now I'm facing bankruptcy. 

​

I've loved and lost more times than I should have. I've hurt people I shouldn't have hurt, and I've trusted people I never should have trusted. I never believed in karma before, but now I feel as though I'm cursed. Everything that could go wrong will go wrong, that's all my life is now. I've dragged friends into crime and ruin, and yet everyone is still looking at me, trusting that I have the answer when I don't. I'm now completely ruined. In the last few months I was robbed of the last of my money, and now I'm practically finished. My only options are illegal ones now and I just don't have the strength to carry on.

​

I've lost my moral compass and in some ways my grip on reality. I have no passion for anything anymore. My home is going to be taken away from me in a matter of days and I'll end up either back at home with my mother or staying with a friend who still has a home (two of my friends are now homeless). The worst part is that I can't bring myself to openly admit to everyone just how bad things have gotten. I keep pretending to all my remaining friends and family that nothing has changed for good, and that I'll bounce back as always and everything will be fine, etc. I keep smiling through it all but deep down I've already given up and am having suicidal thoughts. There's only two reasons why I'm still here.

​

1. I don't want to do it to my family. I don't know if they could handle the strain if I threw the towel in. In many ways they would be better off without me, though.
2. As a Catholic (lapsed though I may be), a suicide in my position would be damn worthy. My soul is the only thing I have left now (and even that's darkening by the day), and I'm not willing to lose it without a fight.

​

I hope this doesn't come across like someone who just wants sympathy. Believe me, I don't deserve it. I'm just a lazy crook who's now getting what's coming to him... Well, I guess that's all folks. Thanks for reading.",2.508096036585364,4.2481270687500015,3.9348119918699176,87.70394817073172,76.22916666666666,7.0162601626016246,24.728150406504067,7.8500785054351265,1.2567654979674798,3686,125,776,56,82,1217,343,960,0.103,0.721,0.17600000000000002,0.9965,3,1,2,0,1,1,140.0,0,2,8,11,58,54,2,1,36,1,88,10,2,6,23,157,179,73,3,16,34,4,6,2,8,13,6,4,3,0,48,47,0,6,19,8,13,14,30,18,3,6,31,16,102,36,101,125,24,119,3,8,6,2,39,42,1,14,59,523,150,4,0.0,0.0,0.03927208342504261,0.04387161502774456,0.0,0.0,0.03567364590129616,0.0,0.0,0.041680376080132135,0.044409966020868524,0.0,0.06697202837349117,0.26162444229456816,0.29340328213448835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399109746530109,0.0,0.0,0.033117167693968746,0.035825459321841696,0.0,0.0,0.037810316946262,0.06188990142545815,0.03360184056113112,0.09812883753833676,0.0,0.06848891453163804,0.09068182408342462,0.042233320583313666,0.035592316220063216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206234675595214,0.0,0.08514507814314567,0.10399925155807024,0.04219479401712553,0.0,0.0,0.06426270085943947,0.0,0.04420585690467208,0.10381552788211376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041766646766465666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053757802576914,0.07128801445189173,0.0,0.04488240624004234,0.026580609649015555,0.03640276535777864,0.0,0.15381846649970113,0.10850543136092072,0.0,0.2276292896342789,0.0,0.10174221655745587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423130330333428,0.0,0.0,0.2487376995175253,0.0,0.06307707690582261,0.038605460898567465,0.0914857757435298,0.03375453839779668,0.0,0.044368863631421535,0.044333014939351684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04130168589165188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092358859369096,0.0,0.12110325259225188,0.039971112658358905,0.0,0.0,0.08616350854267206,0.04543028214081378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146229025352233,0.0,0.0,0.13270143687762948,0.06560803607182804,0.0,0.0,0.04372493949613224,0.0,0.14212671281534334,0.03932211556065706,0.0,0.0,0.1068433261961042,0.1351784183623009,0.04502244929212625,0.1317923831064348,0.0,0.03632154510397412,0.0,0.026863007863127158,0.12240250262353065,0.08086048864773647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269224675073737,0.0,0.0,0.03212216802334267,0.0,0.05916755641916267,0.0,0.1551922599132482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03943031905288608,0.03861495235053169,0.0,0.0844580673984151,0.0,0.08181059591730334,0.09182152945969696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043580046936554484,0.0,0.111599764120288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536876828511867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404560724620966,0.0,0.0,0.04025462890223984,0.0,0.05156233860580528,0.04137726563476127,0.0,0.0,0.045588310531042085,0.0,0.0,0.032003436021260795,0.0,0.0,0.06413809822116079,0.03663638796757946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819677785870512,0.0619631918646343,0.0,0.0,0.056969450310556724,0.042894470508080415,0.09641610435392584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804023591861569,0.0,0.07585849430689676,0.0,0.0302582828630365,0.0,0.0,0.03705102737901959,0.0,0.0,0.053472303130160055,0.0,0.19769634312456347,0.031949033000628804,0.07039934243427066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04377363107172005,0.07862456949715065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712103987188199,0.1277744253212779,0.0,0.0,0.108551861633688,0.0,0.14525485748177022,0.0,0.0,0.07758705538488132,0.0,0.05859584167536285,0.0,0.0,0.0571759941848142,0.13200063103583934,0.29340328213448835,0.051831296141542464
suicidewatch,Jaded_Heron,2019/02/16,"I've hated myself for as long as I remember and I'm fucking tired. I'm 21.  I've had one good person care about me my entire life, my friend, E.  Sometimes we are able to talk.

I have been cheated on, abused, lied to, molested, bullied, looked over, and treated as the human garbage I am.  A man ruined me when I was young but I was garbage before that.  I'm annoying, uninteresting, untalented, unfunny.  My jokes and art and poetry aren't good and will never be good, because I'm a stupid fucking bitch and I don't have anything deep or profound to say.  I'm not clever.

When people are my friend most of the time it is because they pity me-- I really feel most people who get to know me hate me exactly the way I hate myself.  They see my weakness, and how I am ruined.  Sometimes I make them sad, and so they are nice to me and toss me some help or a smile because they feel bad for me.

My mother is not the kind of person who can love someone.  She has a personality disorder.  There will always be an empty space inside me because I was never loved by my parents.

I don't believe in anything, really.  Earlier I was working on college and excited about it, and I was going to move across the country and start fresh where no one knew about my problems and I could be the person I want to be.  But running from my problems won't help.

I started self harming at age ten.  I first wanted to kill myself around that time as well.  If I have been miserable for this long I don't see a point in hoping it will stop.  I've tried therapy and everything else.  I just want to fucking die already.",2.3262422360248465,4.104949854037272,3.9931366459627364,86.91653726708078,76.85714285714286,6.711801242236025,25.16459627329193,7.5804360353943165,1.2622409937888202,1231,44,254,17,28,412,170,322,0.27,0.591,0.139,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,1,1,41.0,1,0,5,2,12,38,12,1,12,0,33,8,0,2,3,45,63,27,2,8,8,2,2,0,2,4,3,1,0,7,8,16,0,1,5,2,0,3,10,22,1,4,9,6,49,16,31,45,3,30,0,5,3,5,26,12,4,7,14,172,57,2,0.09409060315298864,0.1114819789270048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383132029038723,0.0,0.07829091926435199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548570987119024,0.08376058517244586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856172346562622,0.22942703345862994,0.0,0.08006417318281467,0.10600788927082444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593164072445118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512369039560132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765119108234688,0.0,0.107835982840895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860062549182943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456256711679162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515007212090222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003341897572525,0.0,0.0,0.1453883331883327,0.2609557393774737,0.04915845670100463,0.0,0.053473858090644005,0.23675620147889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786849729275155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613389589731144,0.0,0.0,0.0934531991950407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409731170613948,0.09798088413172636,0.05170973481102987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664589755966726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665344458635707,0.07901240932456771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984088577596834,0.0,0.06280620823012731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000342061796903,0.0,0.0,0.14513694730655288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275164555608284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044764799292311,0.0,0.0,0.13046115422898802,0.3286251417177666,0.0,0.0,0.08894603275019294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800640000077834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205536994147888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658631150543924,0.0,0.0,0.07482462414753857,0.0,0.0,0.14995605752295108,0.0,0.0981570194866262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972266271597926,0.0,0.1861160248175974,0.0,0.1331956263867241,0.0,0.0,0.0786639573342147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562646272567035,0.0,0.0,0.10760080478281747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972997471018936,0.10814330703748634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388134327147843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649122662930085,0.07468474122576185,0.0,0.0,0.08459875206170994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684990797090508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ichigopinkberry,2019/02/16,"This post can either save me or push me to kill myself I have no where to go.

It’s my graduation of my sister right now. But Ive decided not to go anymore. Graduation here in the Philippines sometimes means having a fixed no. of tickets per student who’s going to graduate. My sister got three tickets. One for my mom, dad, and me. 

Apparently, my aunt surprised my sister by coming home here from the US. When I got to the venue they gave her the final ticket and got me a separate one—far from my family. It just hurts me...feeling this way.. left out and alone. I appreciate that my aunt went all the way here to attend my sister’s graduation, but I hope they didn’t left me out. 

So right now at this very moment, I’m at a café near from the venue, contemplating ways to kill myself. Haha 

Im so tired.

Im so tired of the world. Just walking down the street is a torture just because I am not thin enough for them. I’m so sick and tired of seeing and people laughing at me. Like what the fuck?

I’m so tired of “healing” from my relationship. My fiancé cheated on me. I know he did change and I can see how sincere he is but I still am having a hard time moving on.

Im so tired of my work. I feel like I’m not enough, same for my family. Hahahaha 

Countless times I have been left out. Would it count if I disappear? I think not.

I don’t want to live anymore. Im tired. I’ve been holding on to my life, and the only thing that has given me the reason to stay, which is my family, just pushed me away.

I wonder what it feels like dying?",0.6094245524296689,2.677134549689441,2.8718523931311672,91.34098648154915,83.93788819875776,5.651589331384728,18.78735842162952,6.923569853693429,0.13727117281695336,1183,30,264,15,34,403,159,322,0.191,0.722,0.087,-0.9907,1,1,0,0,0,3,44.0,1,0,3,1,21,15,5,0,16,1,19,10,0,2,1,41,44,20,3,4,14,8,4,3,0,1,9,0,1,0,14,11,0,1,8,4,0,11,8,6,0,2,10,6,46,9,37,33,5,46,0,1,2,1,18,22,1,4,11,175,60,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825808753470464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581503591264608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491316931902499,0.0,0.0,0.04860539936782564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434850816887528,0.06868419495217354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275180251863712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164774065872701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254997166590527,0.0,0.12094844758948965,0.11392465789178155,0.0,0.08734522621945646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371324258557334,0.0,0.0,0.1359448285959478,0.0,0.1913128443047467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142643326175117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998018529723817,0.07919433033849489,0.0,0.0,0.08535741070026366,0.0,0.3445076866590855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764287785033423,0.0,0.043819985357526264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598952397510945,0.0,0.056318821749230835,0.11686271918182076,0.0,0.07040700726411049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685422444950558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338406012517617,0.0,0.0847451344161064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806029533779887,0.06064166554790154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527784941203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636359186721521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198032592164209,0.0,0.08560499247857115,0.0,0.13618562171703855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270761157244699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885944022061096,0.0,0.0,0.08498634741911178,0.06367605928660426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297204601539224,0.051090635697229686,0.0,0.0,0.0929876338111984,0.549858336912566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591076283798178,0.0,0.0,0.06578929705028047,0.04702946256776111,0.18986855834225516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391466243721469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646864307712131,0.05804765158483025,0.0,0.0,0.05664108739736475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grunfox,2019/02/16,I'm autistic and I think I need to die I feel like I live in a world where people would rather I or others with my diagnosis don't exist. Have tried therapy and medications but I still feel helpless. Friends have offered there help but shortly after they tell me that I depress them. And yet if I mention any of this I get told that I'm being selfish. I just want the hurt to stop.,1.4531962025316467,3.6059923417721538,3.048591772151898,90.79415348101269,81.27848101265823,5.468987341772152,23.799050632911392,6.6274283507984215,0.6677455696202532,301,11,64,3,8,99,60,79,0.253,0.624,0.124,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,17,14,7,1,5,6,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,14,2,6,11,0,8,0,3,0,0,8,4,0,2,5,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335161688920736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955877150143627,0.0,0.26456255500548603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577863711670885,0.1821120365516361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694746408089467,0.0,0.13318308523218242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086481691374522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728928431308602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453907802458633,0.0,0.2250954923657131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25680104473200605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189016979006752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767266528407219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357624154169635,0.21312118478547296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280781402569355,0.0,0.2915186544932468,0.0,0.0,0.16333987545309833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24358315578771975,0.0,0.17307122632874972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503560574968689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810850077466403,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thetruth-revealed,2019/02/16,"I think I know why I spiral at any bad news I spiral. A lot. I fit the descriptions of borderline to a T, and if I was honest about that instead of lying when i was hospitalized, I would have been diagnosed correctly.

But I think I know why, too. Just below the surface of whatever confident facade I’ve managed to clumsily construct is a severely and wounded kid, desperate for any positive affirmation that s/he isn’t unworthy of love and friendship.

There’s a many tiered hurt. On the one hand, I was bullied from sixth grade onward by a group of boys on my all stars baseball team. And it was hell. I wound up playing with a few of them on some other teams, and every time was just utter frustration and loneliness. Rather than deal with it, process it, or confront it, I pretended like it didn’t happen. I just ran. When they would cross a line I would just start running. It ruined a sport for me. But it was just the beginning.

In seventh grade, my egg began to crack a little bit. Maybe sixth. I was beginning to understand that I was transgender. I would float the idea of being a girl or wearing girls clothes to other girls that were interested in me, and in turn I would be outed, ridiculed, and made fun of. Like before, I would pretend like it didn’t happen. I still vividly remember a party at one of these girls houses, and how her mom was watching and laughing at me with her friends. Her daughter had showed her the pictures I claimed were photoshopped. They weren’t, they were me in a dress.

That was the loneliest I’ve ever been, or maybe now is. Anyways, it was bad. Those two, half decade long events became intertwined with each other, as you can imagine news in a small town travels. I was left ridiculed with paranoia and anxiety, because pretending like it didn’t happen only works when you have a distraction. But, the void where your faith in how genuine people are should be remains empty.

Every single interactions I have now is punctuated and underscored by the trauma of my childhood. I don’t go into detail, but the wounded kid in me will never recover. It’s not okay to force an eighth grader into thoughts of suicide, it’s not okay to pretend like you’re all good people despite your outing me and bullying of me. 

But y’all don’t care. No one ever did. And now, too many people know. I can’t leave how I want but I can’t stay or i won’t make it either.",3.546075712556398,5.4442946266094445,4.465708154506442,84.32765214042038,73.76394849785406,7.526268295367007,27.18476945086387,8.303829127061777,1.8944994607681305,1880,71,361,32,39,608,236,466,0.133,0.7609999999999999,0.106,-0.8518,2,0,1,0,0,1,60.0,0,5,4,3,25,28,5,1,25,2,48,8,2,5,6,76,70,32,1,10,20,2,1,5,1,9,4,0,0,7,23,23,1,0,10,10,0,5,14,11,0,5,27,3,52,17,50,31,9,49,2,2,2,1,29,25,1,7,23,264,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372897286957797,0.0,0.0772213019200061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685667771530675,0.0615340618749783,0.0,0.08589526198949297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020387345890692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029183601795732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406804751674477,0.0,0.10245526324909568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261787846580732,0.17009806584179654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798849643343378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736836924297033,0.08466640006898657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26779131994622435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647494547865818,0.10806182563731344,0.11395263053670285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664272935983051,0.0,0.0,0.1068843155722082,0.10967512506743132,0.0,0.0,0.24657883988681864,0.10117164471468287,0.0,0.08933159045472303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858183324543864,0.09110521473158543,0.09551493391575022,0.06738039620012448,0.20468120236034174,0.20282210353289515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822350209271296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785364925199449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052052545404897,0.07677188231265518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994399698033495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434901263950775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403712827875005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144814446668142,0.10759206237646374,0.08061340145453838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041552025697436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936070391827112,0.0,0.08013765668989452,0.05886081471366044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979725798982896,0.09860687736041028,0.10508547226901163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953893800340247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821711458557221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348788058066143,0.0,0.0,0.43024308680602624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soloww00,2019/02/16,"Wish I had a chance to switch lives I've been depressed for a long time. Ever since an abusive relationship, moving away from a culture that I couldn't relate to, traditional and conservative family. I have not felt comfortable in my skin in a few years. 

I'm shamed every day at my inability to get married and have a family. Everyday. My family has almost disowned me and they cry everyday. I feel miserable at myself that I could not do it, I wanted it too. It has been a decade since the end of the abusive engagement broke. He got married few months after we broke up and has a family now. I'm alone living in a studio with a twin bed and a table. My heart feels heavy and empty at the same time.

I tried this year and the last. So many dates. Therapy. Meditation. Even started going to church even though I'm nothing close to religious. I cared deeply for my family and friends. No one knows what I feel or even cares. I was there during their tough times. No one is here now during mine. Maybe it's my fault that it was tough to tell them about these demons I face.

I can't continue living a life like this. The silence of my house destroys me. I can't tolerate it. I can't wake up to the same life. Everyone around me is moving ahead and I'm left behind. I don't want this body, this face, this personality. I wish I could return it to the store and be someone else. Maybe I'll get lucky in my next life, even if I don't believe that concept exists.",1.857562828755114,4.0127520000000025,3.4972413793103456,88.10728813559324,79.84745762711864,6.9164231443600235,20.68088836937464,7.990435384864732,0.9058953828170662,1140,31,240,21,29,378,160,295,0.171,0.748,0.08199999999999999,-0.9742,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,3,1,14,16,1,2,19,0,22,9,6,0,1,36,42,14,0,8,4,0,5,1,1,0,3,0,2,1,18,14,0,1,5,0,1,3,10,9,0,2,7,5,35,7,29,31,4,38,2,4,0,0,10,13,0,4,23,157,53,0,0.0,0.2236864317332364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452344435389218,0.09776525584952066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403199601157113,0.0,0.0,0.08868766689859127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635138842524963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485210558887942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248497928098127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507342299173514,0.0,0.10368900947591607,0.06087727966414574,0.0,0.08130269422396005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885531642643298,0.0,0.08360638299537418,0.0,0.0,0.2493893143359569,0.0853861218044464,0.07953226864032265,0.09019893260327637,0.0,0.0,0.4449383185577808,0.0,0.14318758276048854,0.0,0.09063447025198104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292971873022433,0.0,0.09863549135740088,0.0,0.053647130336363966,0.0,0.07549669376495266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185910602735008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891971766794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051877290738285065,0.0769449203147223,0.0,0.0,0.10256097230566608,0.0,0.20002297121402568,0.046116866615372766,0.0,0.2500588320182179,0.0835370351209077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570220737775678,0.189665907657956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534557675789166,0.2006549267823664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100390670811597,0.0,0.0,0.09057501518001686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279296492859533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242249782900778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013454260019918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616984381719878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998098940675509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681361121250799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250581587136191,0.0,0.10794946548828574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274308623765323,0.0,0.16512830190141292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408833906724641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135380730902042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171003018863065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157519688757347
suicidewatch,kennyhardman,2019/02/16,"Planning my suicide feels liberating Been separated from my spouse several months after having been a couple since high school. Felt immensely depressed being without my family and being forced to relocate away from close friends due to finance. Now after having exhausted all of my options and attempted most everything within reason to make myself feel better I’ve finally succumb to what I figured I would do all along 

It feels good knowing in the next few days I will no longer have to deal with this feeling every waking moment, I can not wait to just be done. I’m not sure why I made this post beyond not being able to talk to anyone in my personal life about it",6.945241935483876,8.038396427419357,7.10822580645161,71.70733870967746,64.56451612903226,9.748387096774195,32.435483870967744,9.827888789773867,3.36176129032258,543,21,86,11,8,175,93,124,0.13,0.7909999999999999,0.079,-0.7868,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,2,0,14,3,1,3,3,27,24,2,1,1,5,1,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,8,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,5,5,11,4,22,13,4,17,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,2,9,66,16,2,0.1733126532828411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118423689526744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162832942862904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328095772529435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176715439811395,0.0,0.11177232356935896,0.17867773540154122,0.14927393431499242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735901717632546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602338530423664,0.0,0.15576223750622184,0.0,0.163383745083921,0.0,0.35052833984949217,0.0,0.16640732620495646,0.1898555402157866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390092600569814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536643081050676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311433371827865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524810172679836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241585247775146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399262306086884,0.11568754186110483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833650635120268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431997295548466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132992386590602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598561380265214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781942727564037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540165784319678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957939667241628,0.0,0.14336601775910793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957591290952944,0.0,0.16334512464807596,0.0,0.0,0.13930214574212224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638771252899186,0.0,0.0,0.16706721308820374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311633630918295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Maweiss12,2019/02/16,"Suicidal thoughts spiral after big life change It has been normal for me to think about suicide often, since probably high school (I'm late twenties now). Often being maybe once a day. I understand this can be a symptom of feeling out of control in your life and doesn't necessarily mean I'm suicidal. 

I've recently gone through some major life changes: moved cities, started my ""dream job"", left my long term partner behind (we're doing distance now), had to leave my cat behind too. The job is good, I had no options back home, this has been years in the making. And now that I'm here I feel very lost, my anxiety is out of control I'm having intense emotional highs and lows and my thoughts of suicide have intensified to the point that they consume a decent portion of my day. 

I know I probably won't follow through, but I have thoroughly researched my chosen method, I can almost feel myself doing it I think about it so much. I'm known as a very practical, level-headed person, I try to not let any of this show through. Right now I feel as though I'm careening towards a very dark place, or I guess saying this out loud I'm already there. I'm worried I might tip over the edge if something else gives. 

I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of this post, I just can't talk to any of my friends or family about this. I've never told any of them about my suicidal thoughts. They'd just freak out and get stressed about it and I don't need to unload this on any of them. ",3.216893939393937,4.852569212121214,4.095509259259258,87.74104166666667,74.05050505050505,6.970202020202023,26.516414141414145,7.6454224807358475,1.3851101010101003,1164,42,238,15,24,374,164,297,0.12,0.828,0.052000000000000005,-0.9606,2,0,2,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,4,3,19,7,0,1,9,0,25,4,0,3,1,46,59,14,5,4,7,0,4,0,2,2,4,2,1,2,14,11,0,2,14,2,0,3,8,4,0,0,10,6,31,3,41,43,5,37,0,2,0,0,12,18,0,11,15,148,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763279438865045,0.0,0.09657405674383074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23805053149417904,0.0,0.06694809633379005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729299060174551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851567642314814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630915401677204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287879251998045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310685489811,0.0984416560192927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250056576403275,0.0,0.17699916438478194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761322643279974,0.0,0.09144507791299822,0.0839515610007008,0.0,0.07340272913198861,0.0,0.0,0.09640671867134913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981478065175642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492703938818705,0.08778384249915767,0.08692131176521244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736886092911657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619099227251507,0.0,0.09871978944612032,0.09266486419656628,0.09508439583213754,0.08948916250485046,0.1854415275408221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774472817048434,0.0,0.0,0.0955320485086964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058416384386886275,0.0,0.08791974098033395,0.09532858083694848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283869882471714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301370713891456,0.06433298044331935,0.06489064411602663,0.0674963187678307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574530022948887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319972907825537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641399289477976,0.09143367550044083,0.0,0.08272917256500509,0.0,0.08381437847672828,0.0,0.18871014204845232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640967969253625,0.0,0.0,0.07473661834508903,0.0,0.06959477620096483,0.0,0.08856900666942251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239262125119918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737267941560829,0.0,0.0,0.06194297609202441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100247179797317,0.0,0.0,0.4786314593974978,0.0,0.0,0.09096072552878312,0.0,0.07034057047698213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215108593608936,0.08598222232364608,0.20842941364535447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362353455196728,0.0,0.05941637313980148,0.0,0.0,0.09110533163550498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662505290262984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887488212567843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056356252697057616
suicidewatch,ucfknight92,2019/02/16,"My mom hung herself yesterday. She's currently in a coma, being treated with induced hypothermia. I just don't know how to handle this, at all. Being away in Korea, I just never knew how bad her depression had gotten, and she seemed to be having good days right up until she did this. My dad and my brother went on a quick trip to the gas station when she made the decision, knowing they'd be back fairly shortly. It was just such a spontaneous act, with such a small window of opportunity, that I truly can't comprehend any aspect of it. The doctor's think she was hanging for possibly ten minutes or longer, but it's too hard to tell. There's no structural damage or organ damage aside from the brain. She initially responded to no stimuli. They're going to warm her up slowly later tonight and I don't know what to do. The whole reason her depression began is due to my brother becoming Bipolar 1 with extremely psychotic tendencies years ago, seemingly out of nowhere, and it has only gotten worse. The thought of my dad bearing this burden all alone is killing me inside, and I'm scared I could lose him too.

​

Does anyone have experience with this and should I be holding out any hope for her regaining consciousness. I'm an objective person and I can't help but feel like my mommy is gone, but medical literature seems to suggest this could turn around. I'm dying inside.",6.623409090909092,7.128128310606058,7.025303030303032,74.08295454545456,65.13636363636364,10.084848484848486,33.16666666666667,9.978442167317967,3.3406939393939403,1110,44,193,23,16,362,166,264,0.17800000000000002,0.765,0.057,-0.9902,1,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,14,15,1,1,11,0,24,5,1,5,3,47,46,16,2,4,8,5,3,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,11,14,0,1,14,0,0,6,7,9,0,1,12,3,27,6,31,25,3,33,0,5,0,0,23,13,0,6,15,135,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118159793715631,0.0,0.0,0.13805554535258174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442729990848313,0.16197050799733645,0.1812931323168417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320439791267557,0.0,0.0,0.118662636696821,0.0,0.0,0.12523696801426784,0.10249720487985174,0.11129747041147024,0.0,0.14721612106921805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880359376392374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285369872678972,0.0,0.0,0.08596557100562716,0.0,0.22961711074534125,0.0,0.13834129485318175,0.0,0.0,0.13643518077254466,0.1166491482822445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039009433589488,0.0,0.0,0.06739899450626798,0.09522744042285533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575578635612061,0.11180324279400572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940797618214548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934620402425883,0.0,0.0,0.13239404907936062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747343818897848,0.0,0.21976972091124014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651222064036441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149125304872099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261288933784221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428275610333024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611589600667244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280690383230902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101378414470922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638984410392092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027239762749078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705156981845296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383495389407132,0.0,0.0,0.1334536026865703,0.0,0.0,0.3640458889494438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650749855769348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541136847907482,0.0,0.10582296968505324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449889151204096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235677024424594,0.0,0.14882139799586158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584108364556924,0.0,0.0,0.16197050799733645,0.08583893102829611
suicidewatch,sadthrowaway818043,2019/02/16,"I’m so ugly and life has no point I’m obese. I have acne. I saw a group of beautiful girls leaving my college apartment and I realized that will NEVER be me. I will never have enough money to get surgery. I will never motivate myself enough to lose weight. I’ll never have friends. I hate leaving my house. I can barely get to class. Im failing my assignments and quizzes. I’m crying all the time. I can’t tell my parents, I don’t want to  put them through the hospital stuff again. I just want to be normal. But that will
Never be me. I just want to end it. There’s no point. At all. It’s just going to get worse. I can’t hide it any longer. I don’t know what to do ",-1.189345238095239,0.872185819444443,1.2606746031746034,98.2375,97.05555555555556,4.131746031746031,17.273809523809522,5.916634753146586,-0.4305690476190476,514,15,120,5,21,173,79,144,0.188,0.735,0.076,-0.9416,2,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,3,6,4,1,0,3,0,17,3,0,1,7,21,30,5,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,7,3,2,0,3,0,1,2,11,3,0,0,1,2,21,1,11,22,4,14,0,2,1,0,6,4,0,0,8,80,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963383143719163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556143799916831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547477807852214,0.2927594471361688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945145508220636,0.0,0.22204524245631996,0.0,0.0805125342388901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986668268606145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634645216444326,0.0,0.0,0.15302450562577274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778563945657288,0.0,0.0,0.3000094731876044,0.0,0.0,0.10006348408858977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848896555516706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463110319971162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880343198687356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730426918518287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678419236208548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424143105440491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621746470742039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382306907379705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260707812508115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25067633163375064,0.0,0.0,0.17251205517875653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437062070279982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodyspecial80,2019/02/16,I can't wait to die. I'm just tired of it all. The creator of this life is very cruel and mean. I'm glad I'm dying. ,-3.6750000000000007,-2.242255137931032,0.2581896551724157,106.12452586206899,100.3793103448276,2.9000000000000004,10.698275862068963,3.1291,-2.147282758620689,87,1,26,0,4,32,23,29,0.211,0.604,0.185,-0.2136,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7340608539344299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979179381929795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852259662431988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064659500378652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917963482523433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freshmaka88,2019/02/16,"Coping with divorce My wife left me several months ago and accused me of abuse. She put a protection order on me despite no physical violence or anything. She took our dog and ghosted me completely. I can't move on. I've tried forget about her but I can't. I was going to grow old with this woman. Have kids, grandkids....fuck. I don't know how or if I can start over...I lost my job because I had a mental breakdown over this. I guess I'm posting this because I think about killing myself every night to end this pain.",0.7756043956043968,3.215434238095241,2.506666666666668,91.47692307692309,87.57142857142858,5.135531135531137,23.315018315018314,6.67199483983844,0.8195567765567762,405,16,82,5,13,133,75,105,0.193,0.772,0.035,-0.9547,1,0,0,0,2,1,17.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,13,15,7,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,4,0,19,0,10,11,0,17,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,4,6,50,23,1,0.0,0.2326865714626853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740852934474019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160983018396488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943147731212275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590811263720835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394065845522794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546458153202498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815566871096799,0.0,0.0,0.11161130096319173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634250495390697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488386978561495,0.0,0.21727320229257815,0.0,0.10792920093660628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337513256186424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143796922308456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791198175143696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675429032352364,0.20872838195106136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842959670857794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607520027157256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896969505215934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880845322889204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742325373133646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218614963829966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900378310491254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583690845981016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819326731767716,0.13333393333467766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No0please0on,2019/02/16,"On the edge I can't take it anymore. Can't go back to work, and have no one i can talk to about my problems. I've been suicidal for four years now. I told family about it back when it first got serious and saw some therapists and psychiatrists. I can't trust the medical industry anymore which means i can't risk bringing the fact that I'm so close to the edge up to anyone. Put the gun in my mouth a bunch of times now, but so far too cowardly to pull the trigger. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do. My head is in chaos. I suppose that one of these times I'll work up the courage to finally stop failing at failing. ",3.413325041459366,3.932335738805968,4.746517412935326,87.55113598673303,72.2089552238806,8.940630182421229,29.067993366500826,9.150863307647796,2.115541625207297,495,19,114,10,9,165,83,134,0.223,0.737,0.04,-0.9743,0,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,5,11,7,0,1,8,0,10,3,2,1,1,13,20,7,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,5,0,4,4,1,10,2,18,16,2,23,0,2,1,0,2,8,0,1,11,74,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753286273373791,0.1323133116705793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910108303545338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178388253613202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729111234712566,0.0,0.16095808474374965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754319748278783,0.0,0.15134371206726793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420353934232776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612584771317985,0.0,0.19062830250704296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564529258284934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106659032861028,0.0,0.1902274033229448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820391122762853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698580518942672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422766528668684,0.1520950966740599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970944564943976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206818950679736,0.0,0.0,0.18081641200322732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699405518979693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755219211620179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185726734973837
suicidewatch,AOMPlaya1,2019/02/17,"I need help 21M, single father, struggling to survive, struggling to find a reason to go on other than for my son. I know it sounds selfish, and that’s eating me alive. I still live at home. I have 3 jobs, 2 of them are mind numbing and make me want to gouge my eyes out, but pay the bills when I can get hours. The other brings me a lot of joy, but would take me away from everything. My religion helps, but I get a lot of flak for not being Christian, being the only religious leader for hundreds of miles doesn’t help me much either. 
 I’m fighting to see my son, and kinda winning if I’m being completely honest. I barely see him now but it beats what I used to have with him. My family is split on supporting me and not giving a shit. My best friend sided with the part of my family that doesn’t give a shit because she “doesn’t like who I’m becoming” and I “don’t realize what I’m doing and how it’s gonna affect my son”. 
 My girlfriend(kinda, my anxiety and the distance has kept me from officially asking her) lives 2 hours away and tries her best to make me feel better. Baby momma keeps spreading rumors about me, refusing to cooperate even for the sake of our son. 
 I struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal/harmful tendencies for most of my life, and I’ve been almost 5 months clean of hurting myself in any fashion, but lately I’ve had such massive urges to hurt myself that it’s driving me crazy. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to give up, but everything is hitting so hard, and all the defeats in my head and heart are louder than the victories I’m winning, just feeling really lost and alone. ",5.4236698128299485,5.205677158054712,6.370452727563592,80.23090225563914,67.69300911854103,9.479507278835383,29.47384418493041,9.134995656068208,2.2778291793313072,1271,40,257,21,19,424,181,329,0.14300000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.19,0.9742,3,1,0,0,2,3,37.0,1,0,1,9,9,23,3,3,13,0,22,8,5,6,1,54,54,23,0,5,11,6,3,1,1,2,2,1,2,0,13,17,1,3,7,0,2,3,8,13,0,0,4,7,43,10,41,44,10,21,1,5,3,0,25,11,2,6,8,172,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155480090608693,0.10503776244292028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896725849076232,0.0,0.15516795148780782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481150818847303,0.0,0.19056982987186136,0.0,0.0,0.061823059767597124,0.11200746708974946,0.0,0.0,0.21286245047680166,0.08969538203611252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633413532013253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873505930881024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377524195048336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669851864228294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229470388564453,0.0,0.19121445548450924,0.0,0.10255929315640017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269359737415847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835477342589957,0.0,0.10597273253788747,0.2918662170706346,0.057637802745473074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085000246805028,0.0,0.10408343396036096,0.0,0.0,0.12018001798167273,0.2039336847247031,0.0,0.10172984565841754,0.0,0.19975127157537595,0.0,0.21713868714029674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064104573677678,0.09014437796803963,0.0,0.0,0.11147261863943683,0.0,0.1144031596006026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163405564666807,0.04954738202304941,0.0,0.17910671138433518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070899010048912,0.1724427653504361,0.0,0.0,0.13539370340635876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240258703815244,0.0,0.08095034093504133,0.0,0.07455340282361951,0.0751996611524727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713244541420719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982507951877901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497053509144851,0.10427390074230553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163295435585756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082068526353884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099200644870452,0.0,0.0,0.31807022326855355,0.0,0.0,0.11508717813063077,0.0,0.0,0.07625320657347193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885570620986371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759200611021846,0.0,0.0,0.1196371313878882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204395760580751,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ranaranamoo,2019/02/17,"Silly Reasons to Die I am currently working toward a terminal masters degree. I’ve been single for over a year, and the people who have been interested in me since then are just not my type. I don’t really have a reason to die, but I don’t have anything to live for, either.

I’m living a dead end life that is going nowhere. It isn’t possible for me to go to the only place I wanted to go to get my PhD. I might not get in anywhere else worth going to, either. I’m not sure if I will be able to get the kind of job I want with my current degree, and what looks like the most likely option for me is work I despise.
I don’t want to end up with some loser, but I don’t want to end up alone either. 
I feel as alone and empty as I am. I realize I can just end it when the shit hits the fan, and that I shouldn’t end it preemptively. But I’m just so tired of living, tired of being angry, and tired of hopelessness.",2.8626903749516828,3.0378925477386964,4.966934673366835,86.71678778507929,73.27135678391959,7.731117124081948,22.845380749903363,7.61054688173877,0.7779637417858516,703,15,162,8,13,246,102,199,0.242,0.662,0.096,-0.9901,3,3,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,4,5,10,2,0,10,0,21,5,1,2,1,34,38,14,3,6,13,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,1,4,9,4,0,0,2,2,21,6,29,30,6,21,0,2,1,0,1,7,1,5,12,112,28,5,0.11076039670862686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294287348044645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114636909377964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299036099442225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252609898637587,0.0,0.4905041802818604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560037845534357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736032074404079,0.0,0.25179074369542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991260312373136,0.0,0.0,0.11533990890297853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782333437693836,0.10822387021619093,0.0,0.29341037855476104,0.0,0.09301083751651508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749927758750005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423827275153815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678731304322117,0.0,0.115721040411775,0.0,0.0,0.1248657052335634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709559463135955,0.2277602698689813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369395555173605,0.09162214472373424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439036310242804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819083475119916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613174067266961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612697759076769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132606405810478
suicidewatch,spyguyluke,2019/02/17,"I dont know if this will help This past year has been the worst of my adult life. I was married. I had two cats. We just got done with a full home remodel I designed and put alot of work into. I had a job that paid me okay money. 51,000 in Los Angeles is mediocre. I was a Sgt. In the army reserves. I felt like I finally ment something. I finally felt secure.
After a life of child abuse (non sexual) just verbal, physical, and neglect, the majority of my 20s I was a poor and depressed failure. When I got married I thought things were finally working out. 
The marriage did have problems. My wife started to spend most of her free time after work and on the weekends hanging out with her mom and only came home to shower and go to sleep. I begged her for more time together and she said I shouldent feel the way I did. The therapist said she should try to spend three days a week with me. My wife hated that idea. She hated having any obligation to the marriage. She hated responsibility. 
The real bad stuff happened early last year. One of my cats died when I was gone at military class. Then with the stress of the marriage possibility failing I had a minor heart attack at work. I drove myself to my doctor where he told me how bad it was. (I didnt know what it was but had a suspicion) Im only 35! Then I went to another military school out of state. This one was for 5 months. My wife visited me once when I was there. I thought things were working out. My second cat died 1 month before I got back. The plan was to come back, quit my job, and go back to school. I wouldn't make much money but our place is paid off and we could manage with just her income. Btw shes has a trust fund and the house was hers. 
Three weeks after I came back I found out she cheated on me when I was gone and was still having an affair with someone 10 years younger then us! I confronted her about it and she left. Then filed divorce papers on me. I was crushed that the person I loved could do this to me. More so then I should of been. I wanted to work things out but shendid not. I wanted to commit suicide then but my friends helped me out. 
I was about to move out of the house I loved and helped build something Im very depressed about still, but me and half my section at work were laid off! I dont have a degree and the majority of jobs here that pay a livable wage require one. (Really you need to make about 40-50 a year to live out here by yourself. Rent for a 1 bedroom averages 1700 a month at best!) My wife is still pushing me to leave the house. (She is living with her mom right now.) She knows the situation im in and still is saying im going to get evicted. 
My military career isnt doing well now either. I currently cant with pass the physical standards with my health issues and the depression crushing all my motivation. The reserves dosnt pay much and dosnt give you a place to live. 
The stress is crippling. I try to look to my friends for emotional help but they tell me its too much now. They are pulling away. I have no one to talk to most days. I have no family. I have increasingly frequent panic attacks. I have 5 weeks left before im supposed to be out of the house and I have no job. 
I am loosing everything. 
I ses a psychologist 2 times a week but they cant make things better. They cant make my wife come back, or give me a place to love, or give me a job. They only listen as my life falls down around me. 
I have no more reasons to keep going. I am looking but the future looks terrible, bleak, and painful. I am applying for jobs but am not having luck. The architecture of my bad luck is something to marvel and I have failed at life. My goal in life was to be married and have kids in a secure family. Now that is gone. I have failed.
A friend once told me ""god doesn't give you more then you can handle."" But if god or fate or the powers that may be, push you past what you can handle, to suicide, isn't that what is supposed to happen? 
I have 5 weeks left to see if I am supposed to end. I will look for reasons to go on. I will keep trying to look for a job. But the stress is getting worse. The sadness and pain is getting worse. Suicide seems to be what fate wants for me. I have failed life and my time might be over.
If you read all of this then thank you. I do not know if this will help me or anyone else. I am looking for hope and reasons to go on. All I see is loss, homelessness, and failure. ",1.241595089811721,3.286774987964993,2.7479306033135344,93.25066907927959,81.3960612691466,5.680602111236683,20.98487508115517,6.8207119055960455,0.30525754682953865,3425,100,761,38,91,1117,344,914,0.18,0.745,0.075,-0.9986,14,0,3,0,2,4,107.0,4,8,5,21,35,48,7,4,52,1,95,15,2,9,4,130,167,62,5,16,28,7,3,1,3,9,10,4,6,4,26,53,0,6,16,2,13,25,17,29,1,9,49,15,130,20,108,102,21,128,1,10,8,3,74,42,0,19,60,526,156,32,0.0,0.049881178810366064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028629192885923724,0.04414513406625476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02943704101261745,0.0431360472868067,0.0,0.03747759742391507,0.0,0.09578881642052264,0.03955398936417026,0.16186008875641886,0.10545430069209627,0.0,0.0,0.07164737076386225,0.0,0.04418096562216548,0.037233702621838116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630152528670864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253020907593415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722625969837093,0.0,0.0,0.05430155863968245,0.0,0.10878105203590548,0.0,0.0873855410588492,0.0,0.0,0.04309075646546367,0.0,0.04308253941549476,0.09868090849096926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03516883977572481,0.04735641866449687,0.03728777742633687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03783643393860225,0.0,0.07937557108169142,0.0,0.021286838496065923,0.0,0.08084449614563054,0.13835426455591288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616007264542799,0.09757821193849812,0.0,0.06598595913918973,0.16154320969602884,0.1435571436445016,0.0,0.10101276287795964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744571296993392,0.0,0.0,0.12469400974180316,0.0,0.04474993931693599,0.0,0.049888265694828834,0.14109247691551838,0.0,0.08445872541099159,0.041814433008054486,0.0,0.1943092880822896,0.0,0.04752535926009085,0.22737413024067146,0.04394107716373257,0.2924417153275168,0.07484017317505219,0.0,0.0,0.09254742526716256,0.03431681840537624,0.0,0.0445774307527021,0.13722411749975966,0.0,0.17841728737854476,0.02056775327846952,0.0,0.11152423699875832,0.0,0.2121185229589728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398968256002845,0.0,0.11240732298730953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466105577245477,0.0,0.09861315852875542,0.1008105719522404,0.04474524540651858,0.09284421897204724,0.031216343105455083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966946652710844,0.11411119864060836,0.0960559998693626,0.08959395172072504,0.04939484636172612,0.0,0.0,0.0803777233397754,0.0,0.03675977412084458,0.13195546251834794,0.0,0.0,0.0474610086121613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028366139597786,0.0,0.04232175736998337,0.0,0.04477813994609112,0.0421110239758312,0.04791859710800495,0.02697010178074422,0.12985629772650684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03595285503146275,0.08009278001320462,0.033479316499805185,0.0,0.08521414876876476,0.06709591084580174,0.03832592310905016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732174939412808,0.04213003506790616,0.0,0.03567088091231381,0.09723105873988527,0.0,0.0,0.029798335661520545,0.0,0.13448327949115266,0.0,0.1446749559603034,0.0,0.04819400549577662,0.13815049051664602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033838088867122335,0.03679693330065351,0.038759684161447,0.0,0.048880916672574784,0.11187649721604022,0.0,0.0,0.06684480922487109,0.09819453407729274,0.0,0.0,0.08045600353719924,0.0,0.08574865831339623,0.0,0.04112522238404848,0.0,0.050640672764054984,0.0,0.0,0.034736604784683274,0.07449435976814753,0.03341672768409867,0.168848923761264,0.0,0.0378526244271914,0.039026779916990384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454323051485646,0.0,0.0858062417659628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844312885435414
suicidewatch,nikpawzz,2019/02/17,"I'm only 19 and the amount of responsibilities that I have is becoming unbearable My ma forced me to enrol this year, giving me only half of this year's payment. Today, a Prof told me that I can only achieve up to 90% of my grades because I won't have any access to any of the online quizzes. I'm the studying mechanical engineering, and the amount of shit that I have to pay with my own money is too much. I work fast food, so I earn only a little. I told my ma about the online quizzes, and she told me that I have to pay it on my own and that she won't be helping me cuz I'm a bad child. I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying to be strong but it's just too mucb. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I just want to fucking get a blade and slit my throat. I'm not kidding. I really am very close to doing it. Bear in mind that my parents have a really bad relationship, I'm a product of rape, and my ma did all sorts of abuse growing up. I was planning on moving out this year, that's why I wanted to take a gap year, but no, she wouldn't let me. ",1.051869095816464,2.175267970085472,3.6353801169590665,90.93447368421054,78.7008547008547,6.464777327935223,20.86279802069276,7.0608816371341465,0.2840290598290593,811,20,197,9,19,286,113,234,0.14300000000000002,0.8270000000000001,0.03,-0.9778,1,0,0,0,1,1,25.0,0,0,0,5,6,6,3,0,12,0,21,6,2,1,1,23,38,10,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,14,10,1,0,1,0,3,2,6,5,0,1,5,0,32,1,26,27,6,16,0,0,0,2,15,8,2,1,6,126,46,7,0.0,0.15821501230806834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161431677613732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242905782900635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298929682968213,0.08140060230323899,0.14747693365291029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146888142338367,0.0,0.0,0.12344929621465756,0.06976558818611972,0.1280972178279326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950449249256934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338635722398591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654674917274495,0.09431845167454343,0.0,0.1338353517522834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348304709221843,0.0,0.0,0.1419246642031779,0.09816227013693307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062320782853872,0.0,0.0,0.1482728214640876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566343711370073,0.0,0.0,0.14336468866733773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370699159172421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100400351680542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657386462763276,0.3827900991962108,0.0,0.1813205615693397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101788787799668,0.15752268796488827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049294767063685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721376354787324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34396402361789274
suicidewatch,JoeShabadeux,2019/02/17,"Don't waste your time. I've wasted my life and good fortune, and now I realize I don't even like myself.
I understand why I had so few friends throughout school and got in so many fights.

I've been thinking about it since 4th grade and have made 3 attempts.
No family.
Not sure the last time I received an unsolicited request to hang out with anyone, in person or otherwise.

If I had the willpower to do it, I would have succeeded. But since I'm still here, I must not be serious about it. And now I'm whining to nobody and everybody about something I'm too weak to get done. 

People with much worse lives than me have managed to do much more good than I'll ever do. 

What gives me the right to be a drag on others? I'm not a doctor or in any way useful to society or even a family so why don't I? Why can't I? Why won't I? 

I don't want to want to, but I'm a useless waste of space. And so even though I'm an able bodied person who could have been at least mediocre, I instead wast my life pitying myself. I guess it's all I'm good for. 

Cowardice is keeping me alive. And that's a fact:
In 5th grade we had an assignment to write about something we wanted or a wish or something. I requested the courage to go through with it. 

The ensuing shit storm taught me that feeling that way was not something other people wanted to know. But after years of failure and driving away anyone who might have cared, I find myself sitting alone in a filthy fucking apartment, with nothing better to do than waste people's time with my vague diatribe about nothing. 


TL;DR
I guess I just want attention. ",2.8919076923076936,4.392749590769231,4.025923076923078,88.46257692307694,74.63076923076923,6.8461538461538485,25.73076923076923,7.468242284971852,1.2081076923076917,1247,43,260,15,26,406,165,325,0.118,0.7509999999999999,0.132,0.5645,1,1,4,0,1,0,33.0,2,1,0,4,21,18,3,0,15,0,29,7,2,2,5,58,58,23,0,10,14,0,1,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,13,17,0,1,7,0,0,4,11,8,0,0,10,1,31,10,40,41,6,29,0,3,0,1,14,12,2,9,11,173,44,8,0.09679684830724901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025234244426504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582517615429337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353652139505072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094382534205862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856089462153201,0.0,0.107519477181935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869083802100442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728440694210582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907567587612708,0.0,0.0990567829662282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180021618235804,0.08755829101805655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825029077703736,0.0,0.04894339492401387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847056573006147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478500488721654,0.08948712649641813,0.05057235809795603,0.0928563571207009,0.055011879577254216,0.2435658115942757,0.07741728215168328,0.0,0.21326528276721404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603748632200887,0.0,0.0,0.05319701637338632,0.0789023506736524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674095316460824,0.04729005068525592,0.0,0.08547339045577113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159151831819767,0.0,0.09813681131745314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026861593748944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231364218788173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575837315248173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132024026924605,0.16903854862680018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266397956539702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796357822403068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936057377930403,0.16014270638157352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980757715722282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730208809575538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122988398593684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062023511909855965,0.09510241199742947,0.0,0.16932906200277278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076893281205006,0.0,0.08360139808493848,0.0,0.0,0.2854664452573862,0.15366566532774084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493763992426332,0.0,0.11131159848320506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986442580111903,0.0687617038002159,0.0,0.0,0.06233399670053499
suicidewatch,Isonomic_Insomniac,2019/02/17,"I just want it to stop! Trying to get help is so hard. I need to get a valid state ID to be acceoted most places, which requires a new social security card, which requires a bunch of other bullshit. Best case scenario i get a letter in 5 weeks saying my application was denied. Its not like im insured or have a job anyways, im completely fucked. Cant go to the ER because theyll charge me out the ass for walking in the front door. Its really not worth trying to fix my life fuck.",2.529600000000002,3.9404533599999993,4.271000000000001,86.70550000000001,75.4,7.0,24.5,7.6454224807358475,1.1229,376,12,80,5,8,127,75,100,0.239,0.665,0.095,-0.9435,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,3,5,2,0,8,0,6,4,1,0,0,11,14,2,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,2,1,0,1,2,7,3,11,11,3,11,0,0,0,3,5,4,3,2,4,46,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290054145300865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115789037048332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138589476011813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727732944838556,0.3160011714994605,0.0,0.11458050106560864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806043656898175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513598522078518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355501834756258,0.0,0.20006837351537335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424042138733606,0.09849722904532517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494924241450382,0.0,0.19471771010745928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106411792524621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915753395654153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603296121319298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551760552272444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855629963858906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737620430672013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891572724424275,0.0,0.16172063999989228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notluF_ttelracS,2019/02/17,I feel like I’m a puppet to someone else... I have almost tried to kill myself... But I could only watch. It was like someone was controlling me and it makes me 1. Feel like shit and 2. Feel fuckin crazy. I just want to know if anyone else feels this way... So I’m not alone... But it’s cruel to wish that someone would feel the same as me,-0.7487500000000011,1.3252582916666709,1.132777777777779,101.19,91.08333333333334,3.755555555555557,13.555555555555555,5.033348758259628,-1.3639277777777783,255,4,62,1,9,83,48,72,0.17600000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.142,-0.6943,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,2,0,5,2,1,2,0,21,16,7,1,5,5,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,8,3,5,12,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643035571230173,0.18248127735650874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319720691343665,0.18052903281762245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976137707029788,0.14067459128325302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943708118556051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454386304670844,0.25174251310765633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492981109996152,0.0,0.09683025117111327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25823482957808525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176092072460456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400158988025365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085806256550213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447859507481265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962247605272855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392232301594398,0.13985262693703784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261155181588528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516140009046836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sngmch,2019/02/17,I've not felt like being here but now I want to be more than here I don't think I deserve to be here or am good enough to be here i need some one but nobody know what the right thing is. I don't even know. I just wish ur be allowed to just he gone. I can't just 2 people like this but I'm not sure yet even care any more. I might go soon.,-2.3777777777777764,-0.7251403209876521,0.0973950617283954,108.79127777777781,94.1851851851852,3.24,10.569135802469138,3.1291,-2.2685812345679017,258,2,76,0,10,86,51,81,0.083,0.752,0.165,0.8170000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,1,1,20,22,4,0,3,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,1,8,5,5,14,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,5,51,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453624958516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616799489640132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651963357824088,0.0,0.3390403931329075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464319412196563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458646631121576,0.2152725637132378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821050628157151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507802810872803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722735917878612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030866406536198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739181115387951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793434951502102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918454020252093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418971392293973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051217893757853,0.1644560909259446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138354547155122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951440477583998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,izzyboo17,2019/02/17,I’m in my closet I’m in my closet crying and having a mental break down i tried to save someone’s life and I’m afraid their dead and I’m freaking out it’s my fault I could’ve done more or something idk ....I’m so sorry i just wanted to make sure people didn’t die and they are 😭,-3.0609230769230757,-1.907685092307693,0.1569230769230785,102.84307692307695,115.30769230769228,2.0,9.615384615384617,3.1291,-2.157,219,3,54,0,13,76,45,65,0.297,0.622,0.081,-0.9268,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,11,11,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,8,2,6,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444275025274864,0.0,0.3362798966053505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177244971513004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132870267993375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623540244211695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435051233598814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085166397157416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223860234448694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593910288471258,0.2356811654902507,0.0,0.3426981378915729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885328823867309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207848644172342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056902557829502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cactuskeeper2000,2019/02/17,"Everyone gangsta until life loses meaning This meme phrase has become my life.

Nothing feels good anymore, my sex life is dead and buried, my hobbies have become painful and pointless, my only comfort is alcohol and nicotine and I have no idea how to fix this fucking mess of a life I have.

Anyone want to send me a gun so I can blow my brains out? No money but I'll give you cake on the other side.",2.7710357142857163,4.688724175000001,3.76464285714286,88.42750000000004,76.0,5.571428571428572,26.42857142857143,6.18269132825596,0.9717321428571428,314,12,61,2,7,101,59,80,0.181,0.784,0.036000000000000004,-0.8338,0,0,1,1,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,0,7,9,1,1,0,11,12,8,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,10,2,6,12,0,5,0,1,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054383947103715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906432768306842,0.13441363897097394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246120352956856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459537294052305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368667230957736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719867643005407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771612015236432,0.0,0.18440721213272895,0.0,0.16123574690946935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170074254003181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431188286803025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150593248753634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093978672840213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844525500759908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462017019294653,0.2045492458873605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338388228805316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,linkxzelda,2019/02/17,"Not sure what to do I’ve tried posting here before,  but my anxiety stops me. I would really appreciate it if anyone would comment, message or just make your presence known to me. It’s been a struggle for a while, and I have no one to really talk to about this. I really would appreciate any advice, or just knowing someone knows how I feel. This will be long, thank you for using your time on me.

I’m 17 years old, and a senior in high school. I won’t lie and act like my life is shit, because it’s not. I live a pretty good life, I’m not poor, I have family, etc. but I can’t help but feel so incredibly depressed. Whenever I bring it up with my family, I’m always told that if I can’t be happy with the life I was given- then I’ll never be happy. That I’m so fortunate to live in a house, with food, with parents, with toys and games, with drum sets and everything I could want. So how could I feel sad? I never knew why either, as being sad was never a choice I made.

Ever since I was 12, I’ve felt this sadness build up inside of me. I’ve always felt I wanted to die, but never to this extent. Around the beginning of my senior year in high school, I felt a new pain. I could be doing the most normal of activities: eating, doing homework, walking to class, playing a game, etc. and I suddenly have the urge to kill myself. Multiple times a day, I entertain the idea of killing myself. I’ve already made my plan, I have several. I’ve taken into account everything that could possibly do wrong, and made my plan foolproof. I will not share the plan, as I do not wish to reveal my location or give ideas to anyone here. I do not condone the act of suicide, I simply 100% understand why someone would. In addition to these thoughts, I’ve also been experiencing various hallucinations, or something along those lines. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this either. The hallucinations normally happen when I am sick, but they’ve happened well too, for example: seeing drawings on walls or ceilings, seeing doors open and close repeatedly, or seeing animals. I also hear things, but I believe this is more normal than the visual hallucinations I see. I did try to tell my mom about this, however she told me I’m probably just tired. My parents always brush off any issue I have as normality, and perhaps it is. Though I feel like seeing hallucinations in any capacity is NOT normal, as I do not feel comfortable with it. 

My suicidal thoughts, or what I suspect to be suicidal thoughts got so bad I admitted to my mother that suicide had been on my mind a lot.  I was pressured to by my older cousin, who I am no longer in contact with due to her creating drama with my family. My mom, after literal months, got me a therapist appointment. I liked seeing a therapist. I could finally talk to someone about my feelings, and talk about my suicidal thoughts. She told me that I have anxiety and depression, though I don’t believe I ever received an official diagnosis. She also told me that taking antidepressants may significantly help my situation. However, I never got this medication because I am afraid of mind altering drugs. I only got to see my therapist 1-2 times a month. While I still felt depressed, I felt better having someone to talk to- and I was generally beginning to feel more comfortable with her. My dad however, does not approve of me seeing a therapist. He claims I only go there because it costs money, and that I should ask her why Im such a shitty kid. My dad and I don’t have the best relationship. But, I’ll get into that later. The last time I got to see my therapist was in December. My mom didn’t like me seeing her either, I don’t think she realizes how much I need it- or I feel I need it. I can’t see my therapist anymore because my insurance is no longer covering her office.

Every time I bring this topic up with my parents, I’m told how normal my feelings are. Even if I say I feel suicidal, I’m told how I am not suicidal, that I just want to die- and that’s normal. I have no idea if I am suicidal or not to be honest. I am not a doctor, I am not authorized to make assumptions such as that. But I feel like I’m in hell everyday of my life, despite how wonderful everything is. Sometimes I feel, if one more thing goes wrong- my whole world will collapse. When my mom is alone and I tell her, she tells me “it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, I’ll get you another therapist.” And completely avoids the subject. It took me 5 years to ask for help, and it feels like no one takes me seriously. My father on the other hand, says if I’m suicidal then I am not allowed to go away for college, or go on any trips that are planned for me this year. He says he will check me into a hospital and never speak to me. When he and I fight, he has told me to kill myself, and said horribly hurtful things. Sometimes he shuns my mother and I, and it hurts so much. I’m told how perfect my life is, yet I cannot force myself happiness. I just want to talk to somebody, I’m even willing to take medicine if it means it’ll fix me. I’m tired of feeling suicidal, hating myself, and sleeping my days away. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Thank you for reading, I’m sorry if it’s really long. I appreciate everyone who’s read this. Please comment any advice you have.",3.2535358718156435,4.80264884499055,5.0815001350256574,81.06425488342788,73.78260869565217,8.516356107660455,26.961967773877035,9.107695989026183,2.2363113331533,4130,152,822,92,84,1413,383,1058,0.218,0.6829999999999999,0.099,-0.9995,7,2,2,0,1,6,147.0,0,6,0,8,44,50,7,4,31,0,84,17,3,14,10,186,191,79,15,32,48,13,20,6,0,13,12,6,2,1,52,43,2,2,39,9,5,11,36,24,1,3,43,39,152,26,100,123,16,90,1,8,11,0,79,29,2,22,54,553,204,10,0.0327022238991212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639124694258099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033869641484785884,0.0360877172649919,0.07845586991141745,0.08163261001381526,0.0,0.0,0.11119316829221536,0.0342911331176572,0.05003422354580942,0.0,0.06486363751646697,0.06859846594453249,0.0,0.0,0.029111912544305237,0.06114432973989661,0.0,0.061449631689213774,0.0,0.027304990982961384,0.07973988863134386,0.0,0.027827183905550886,0.07368841550247061,0.034318966415245636,0.0289224595207359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03428765957238213,0.0,0.0,0.13055032389635507,0.0,0.0,0.042180458054900526,0.0,0.084499132575825,0.0,0.06787949078397082,0.0,0.0,0.03347211187262622,0.028617936510518912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792419745403255,0.03346253916794748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294324818001649,0.043199020926700964,0.05916206750881299,0.02755303407036104,0.03124837635862755,0.08817195056688118,0.0,0.09248623880609036,0.0,0.2314931779339441,0.07008742586323645,0.15699631668345596,0.03582368780941142,0.0,0.0,0.039543658946661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03417112450554942,0.03137095302296645,0.05575628239474822,0.02742907386007895,0.13077477928566958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057836937186479837,0.10443637630799102,0.0,0.03228667573805664,0.0,0.0,0.03685778305954818,0.0,0.0657588340388586,0.06910339005220706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03773397569495865,0.070016814094983,0.11075049076120204,0.035324013540846744,0.034132625446178316,0.0,0.0,0.1085404965204324,0.0,0.053916861053752346,0.02665667718546496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549273929803612,0.09585992846386183,0.0,0.0577533256708795,0.05788087814350015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02780226131643949,0.0,0.09283090488012878,0.04365797677918728,0.0,0.0,0.03562230881158966,0.0,0.03294405012991885,0.0,0.0,0.06603984756399534,0.15320179756106347,0.05220520623772741,0.0,0.048079794663923967,0.04849656930564788,0.1513318265949416,0.031584011622226675,0.0,0.0,0.22428865257096256,0.0,0.0,0.034315482875954095,0.0,0.06647961976275353,0.04974302978785698,0.0347974719068849,0.0,0.10893584877809023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035897221547707005,0.0,0.03686684384682792,0.03131969076573364,0.03326991836711772,0.03525852843349694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542214717068555,0.0,0.08379952807231113,0.0,0.0,0.035109950002009734,0.0,0.0,0.031107303661984807,0.07801836304721384,0.0,0.06619279294864004,0.286653823240382,0.0,0.0,0.03694420468805193,0.033568362888862925,0.027051617544810332,0.03675866983208213,0.03272584105412147,0.0,0.11083395274799084,0.025175769643649436,0.06468667125986154,0.036607462284561486,0.0,0.0,0.02611603824902291,0.0273405234883192,0.0,0.034187464833408336,0.0,0.3577092515992035,0.0,0.030821459009998917,0.0,0.07376400759047838,0.1577088529913325,0.08574955529009089,0.060215628167930926,0.0,0.2657886172939657,0.06517771335252934,0.02095426461663032,0.06425953788525365,0.10384765160818192,0.09534464869947903,0.07517279136113084,0.0,0.2499870108690204,0.03633337402278914,0.04440532679429745,0.0,0.0,0.03404416838485407,0.0,0.02824422164836618,0.0,0.0,0.07715447576442756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029403226664515263,0.0,0.08852601169024102,0.036510865119625584,0.03760594358002714,0.0,0.035464166835121325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929228863411791,0.07150949630515274,0.0,0.08423664002602943
suicidewatch,kay-tuh-lin,2019/02/17,"I rarely see the point in living anymore. Sure I’ve got family members, friends, a SO, but I just am so fucking exhausted. I can’t even find the motivation to get out of bed anymore. I feel fat, disgusting, lazy, ugly, selfish... I can’t shake the feeling that people only talk to me out of pity or that I actually annoy them; hence why I don’t talk to them really about how bad I’ve gotten. I’m posting here mainly just to rant and scream into the void. I’m sorry if I come off as self centered or pathetic. ",2.8062142857142867,4.0083679428571415,5.037321428571428,82.32455357142858,74.33333333333333,7.916666666666668,26.458333333333336,8.472884824447931,1.8162619047619053,394,14,81,7,8,138,74,105,0.34700000000000003,0.584,0.068,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,1,8,11,3,1,5,0,4,3,1,2,1,17,14,9,0,1,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,2,4,11,2,13,12,1,10,0,1,1,1,6,7,1,3,0,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.20261905980967534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118306672329075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733642004342838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885674108960045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713909898697138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957371438283616,0.0,0.2099701412701583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897720541600345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604161099310452,0.19195260792069,0.10847924618509504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660624247191835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833430220431247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791363182891813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439460127204199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627952607589733,0.0,0.198854236972231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330144934866676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545596803332965,0.0,0.21660565030446305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242723034962515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569087573846172,0.0,0.0,0.3337737682866781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735575050353176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisAsYou,2019/02/17,"I don't know why I keep going ADHD has taken its toll on me. I don't know why I keep going. I just want to stop living. No one wants me. I don't feel like I bring any value, and I seem to be always bored.

why do I keep going?",-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,91.22222222222223,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.155755555555556,168,0,46,0,6,62,32,54,0.17800000000000002,0.745,0.077,-0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,20,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,1,11,1,3,18,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,25,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342760879911609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622029895946235,0.0,0.0,0.13256367265319405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856587649738924,0.1392628510356895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323611369860531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198062127153397,0.0,0.0,0.21426427627381986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523624796838977,0.0,0.17213271904322056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320941847970746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746309319315912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297584921529082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299574880824856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277002811970207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwillthrowawayu,2019/02/17,I wish I had the guts to do it I try to get better but everything that can possibly get in the way does. I got a job and that didnt change anything. I have no friends and I wouldn't know how to make one anyways. I just turned 20 and my life is still in the same shit place. Lifes a joke. ,-0.8456043956043935,0.913907692307692,1.1021978021978036,103.69923076923077,87.46153846153845,4.945054945054945,16.978021978021978,6.18269132825596,-0.7478131868131865,220,5,60,2,7,72,49,65,0.116,0.722,0.162,0.2617,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,5,0,7,4,2,2,0,11,14,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,8,3,5,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227191659143048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664215366479316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471679872233035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204466429617998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998723321925855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051541520973646,0.0,0.2441422644541005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686918391054702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318590095279541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284065102762661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300641615777142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596146551490178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583255369728943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24411182201930215,0.0,0.0,0.26340235711524684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398357165089208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186591129468124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863125949547696,0.2541412967467806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545844465712635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686829993279833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrandmrslobos,2019/02/17,I don’t keep wanting to do this anymore. It’s one thing after another I have so many things going on every little thing in my life adds up and up and up and I’m about to explode and go insane within my inner walls. I feel like I’m slowly going crazy. I deal with so many things. I know that I have a roof and a bed every day and I’m so thankful because others don’t. But all of these things that keep piling up. My boyfriend being homeless. Me and my dad not having a relationship and stop talking my past me and my OCD and anxiety everything. I get rushes of these moments all at the same time and it’s so hard to handle. If someone was to ask me what’s going on I’d have to give them an essay of all the things that’s happening in my life at this moment. There’s no other way to escape this shit.,1.379788053949902,2.910048751445089,3.5045317919075174,90.47895568400772,78.82658959537572,5.769402697495184,20.203853564547206,6.42735559955562,0.12874905587668595,626,15,138,5,15,214,97,173,0.103,0.8440000000000001,0.053,-0.7488,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,6,0,9,3,1,0,3,26,26,17,0,2,3,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,19,13,0,3,2,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,2,18,2,23,24,4,27,0,0,0,0,7,14,1,1,8,100,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505273852615327,0.10582329140958467,0.0,0.1371877712563334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932136776709802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432565625682902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921243477370508,0.14261380014285724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23310066966275436,0.0,0.12432351775443967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994461074201612,0.09882411898171152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722725488691394,0.1327002706659896,0.31446813276369706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232617245511986,0.0,0.12391793786738738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459109548635667,0.0,0.0,0.07602342683113605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541539274992348,0.06758182983190521,0.1386445990268278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28049305029692906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373706870206802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205315980503796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851636368602378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199539420766533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720791139077355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565140735105182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118569601127164,0.0,0.12735714707737975,0.0,0.0,0.5514081894126062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066226537467276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159155867480818,0.10980118116498143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clammysippycup,2019/02/17,"doctor did not help Hello, I have been suffering with depression suicide thoughts for many many years. Back in 2013 i was put in psych ward for attempting suicide. I am sure if you suffer with this you know what i am talking about. Well fast forward. So pretty much for the past two years i could not hold a job i tried my best getting job after job after job. But finally lost everything. Went to my family for help. In there mind they thought nothing was wrong with me. And it made me even more depressed and suicidal. So when i couldn't find a job and help for rent and other things etc They kicked me to the curb saying i am an adult and if they need to work i need to work. So for the past couple months i got a tent been livening in a tent. But as of the past week my   mind was in a super dark place. I was really ready to plan a way to kill my self. IT was gonna happen. But than i talked to some friends they gave me positive reinforcement. So yesterday on  I went to my local ER. Went to speak to a doctor for help. But instead what i got was being treated like a piece of trash not even a human being. The doctor talked about how i smelled(like i am homeless) Went on a rant of how am i here because its to cold outside.(note i have been outside during the whole winter so him asking that is) He accused me of being a alcoholic and drug addict and demand the nurse get blood and urine sample from   me. Instead of helping me with my suicidal thoughts. He just talked down to me and made me feel worse than i already am. So all he did for my discharge was give me a psych doctor to go see. But the way he treated me i feel they will treat me the same. I don't know what to do and am just living in fear. 

sorry for not being so great at writing out how i feel and telling the story. I am just trying not to break down crying making this post. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if any advice i would greatly appreciate it",2.434406060606058,3.9840821799999984,3.503772727272729,91.53146969696972,75.95,6.248484848484849,22.12121212121212,6.850034144686104,0.4363416666666669,1512,40,329,14,33,487,193,400,0.15,0.745,0.106,-0.9588,6,0,2,0,0,2,32.0,0,3,5,7,24,20,1,1,24,0,33,9,2,6,2,62,64,32,5,8,16,0,3,1,1,3,7,2,1,3,13,17,1,2,9,1,1,7,7,8,2,1,25,8,52,12,55,30,9,41,0,5,1,0,34,15,0,4,18,234,65,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806025440815588,0.0,0.06997178802604714,0.0,0.07652419901562918,0.0,0.0,0.07901813606939773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048694002103730386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669412106587612,0.0,0.0,0.05505999092478953,0.0,0.04364987485743901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514525615594042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717093814383965,0.07922980918695748,0.07865496709266319,0.0,0.0,0.1233469346665092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931638896480781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303931702691818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985874345706813,0.09458913925160356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435415071410625,0.0,0.06750302463359115,0.08057577506478747,0.10861724561772523,0.0,0.0,0.07844001373225487,0.06544586988540625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532201200297268,0.0,0.07482153958358556,0.06869024760954227,0.04069489420865394,0.0,0.11453846446602407,0.15789000613172066,0.0,0.0,0.06332025573798092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23997733345541744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35528563843701555,0.0,0.07922056194460013,0.0,0.07870470778919134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03498269145768438,0.0,0.06322871730583014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816555152148251,0.0,0.0,0.13550917281910782,0.047797037483983416,0.14519289961470982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460171095045402,0.0,0.05715459999496094,0.0,0.0526380725198732,0.10618872022725936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870713563964014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506584197093056,0.0,0.0,0.07481220998288993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857800310298336,0.07284824687708748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198301924259938,0.0,0.0,0.07162459305926057,0.0,0.04587213471515959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056943341524466076,0.0,0.0,0.0570600861312364,0.0,0.07469985646208553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015617653829663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132979357890082,0.0,0.06748706835696848,0.0,0.053838210805525484,0.2302142399958485,0.0625861146240636,0.06592446212569955,0.0,0.0,0.04757132354816015,0.0,0.0,0.17053962858762794,0.041753577091632375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723048230157033,0.0,0.06994789106576044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367377450234288,0.05743738485122382,0.0,0.06438168832889553,0.2655150092357816,0.0,0.0799446661269626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425889964493508,0.0,0.07297183217343396,0.05086629075865239,0.07828906256113012,0.0,0.09222282244577937
suicidewatch,lillanab,2019/02/17,"I’m so lost. When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with depression, among other things. I was bullied, harassed, and violently attacked by people in my small town. Through a school transfer and several therapists telling me that life would get better as I got older, I was able to make it to graduation. Since then, it seems that my life has continued its downward spiral.

I can’t hold a job longer than a couple of months. I ruin every potential friendship or relationship because I can’t stop myself from “going dark.” Every day I wake up and lay in bed for hours before I get up and stagger through the hours left in the day. I am always alone.

Tonight, I drank several shots of vodka before having a couple of mixed drinks. I have been sitting on the floor crying for a couple of hours, which is nothing new. What *is* new, however, and completely surprising given the fact that it hasn’t happened since I was fourteen, is the fact that I suddenly stopped crying, suddenly stopped feeling, and started thinking about the easiest ways I could end my life. I don’t know what else to do, so I suppose this is my last cry for help..

I don’t even know if it will work.",4.872589285714284,6.182708223214287,5.515535714285715,80.4544642857143,69.44642857142857,8.457142857142857,31.410714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.6244160714285716,918,39,170,16,16,297,135,224,0.183,0.762,0.055,-0.9823,2,1,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,3,0,12,0,23,7,1,1,2,23,39,13,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,15,7,2,4,5,2,0,1,5,6,0,0,10,1,25,2,25,26,0,36,0,3,0,0,3,12,0,3,21,113,40,5,0.10462722387486098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836225001459916,0.0,0.0,0.08705823177603719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902857163411107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637797845593331,0.0,0.17806012271668414,0.0,0.0,0.09253427707615196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969965361655573,0.0,0.0,0.08353632466938503,0.3473040995277917,0.3447842775317745,0.1349518076100279,0.0,0.0901152746116448,0.1061944298472233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249484739722634,0.0,0.0,0.08740262007531331,0.0,0.09266866534779787,0.0,0.0,0.06910529460649624,0.0,0.1763058972994681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052902668087459234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932681229040037,0.0,0.059462062463403874,0.0,0.08367994881152394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252150853582644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012942271609421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30911021990230797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382637545031193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500077200666695,0.08528515186756122,0.0,0.0,0.11367778487516185,0.0,0.2217039072522766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421297431628202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983948438017787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351245189497307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209924958367886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039264311976147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253534323876598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233048279613067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588833634225392,0.0,0.09524869509195924,0.0,0.23639796404668195,0.0,0.1730974415543676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405568757199253,0.0,0.0,0.26241913216903323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144880529819467,0.0,0.0,0.12148027106128925,0.0695096784816303,0.06704090039687405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304822031545922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076169865085121,0.0,0.0,0.07432417793899693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omggegg,2019/02/17,"I don’t think I can do this much longer 18F who is feeling hopeless and alone. Everything in my life is just fucking bullshit. I’m so done. I have never felt so alone in my life, no matter what I do and no matter who I talk to. I tried going to therapy, she was a fucking nutcase. I’m so close to the edge. ",0.6734825870646759,2.172946820895522,3.0306716417910486,93.22322139303483,80.7910447761194,5.6606965174129344,23.106965174129357,6.42735559955562,0.4340069651741292,235,8,55,2,6,81,43,67,0.231,0.7140000000000001,0.055,-0.9152,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,0,9,4,0,0,1,10,17,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,2,9,0,5,14,1,5,0,1,0,2,4,3,2,0,1,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020763337704978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248044410804831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178403615614432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255733724821408,0.0,0.23272798778017514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4481627789989718,0.0,0.0,0.13775320425718365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342407941636566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781811526123237,0.0,0.18694255718086802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482019699117775,0.0,0.0,0.27718882027100594,0.0,0.0,0.15531077233723375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456377082391385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anny4,2019/02/17,"I’ve come to the conclusion I will have to kill myself My life sucks. To the max. And nothing EVER gets better, only worse and more difficult. I’ve been on a downslope the past 2 years I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. 

I’m a 23 year old female with drug addiction problems, with an extensive juvenile and adult arrest history. And due to that I am not allowed to drive period until 2025. A super long list of mental and physical health problems always getting worse. I have 0 friends literally haven’t had any in years due to my baggage. Found out I was pregnant by my cheating boyfriend and managed to get sober and had a baby who’s now 2 years old I got a degree while pregnant and semi got some shit in my life together, but my child’s father is a narcissist and very controlling so I became severely depressed living with him and relapsed. I got caught and kicked out of my home with him bc my name wasn’t on the lease, moved back in with my parents and have been so isolated and hopeless since. It’s just always getting worse. 
Since relapsing cps has been involved and I’ve only been getting supervised weekly visits. I’ve been doing everything asked of me by them. My child’s father has also recently filed for custody in court and has the best lawyer money can buy because his family is rich and will pay whatever. I’m broke working a minimum wage job in my field because I’m just starting out. I have no lawyer yet. My depression is just sinking so fast idk how much longer I can do this shit. I feel like realistically my child would be better off if I was dead I mean what if I ever relapsed again ? I don’t wanna put them through that shit when their old enough to know what’s going on the guilt I feel for being such a drug addicted pos is unbearable. I have no way to drive my child anywhere they need to go school doctors etc. I would rather lay in bed everyday than do anything else. I hate myself my life everything. I love my child but they deserve so much better than me. I don’t even support myself. My child’s father has a good paying job with benefits. He has his own place for them he drives. And I’ve recently found out he’s been “dating” an ex friend of mine. 

No one would want to be friends with someone with my past let alone date or marry or start a life with me. I seemingly have no future. ",3.462593555093556,5.040212527777778,4.4711781011781015,85.53508316008319,73.2948717948718,7.623562023562025,26.110187110187113,8.27314431278463,1.6409437976437975,1845,63,370,30,37,600,235,468,0.195,0.718,0.08800000000000001,-0.9939,5,1,2,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,6,8,20,29,7,1,18,0,46,14,3,4,2,68,78,33,2,11,11,5,2,1,3,5,10,0,2,7,7,31,0,2,9,0,6,10,10,15,0,1,17,2,57,14,49,52,9,59,0,4,0,1,34,16,4,6,33,236,64,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686681671667025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792661914958782,0.0,0.0612042499393607,0.12736491666280833,0.0,0.0,0.05204577659815684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629809997679588,0.0,0.07154900284709059,0.0,0.0,0.05884995817479964,0.0,0.0933088896874112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031776081932952,0.2030644359727504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592730492307552,0.0,0.0,0.08583944181935099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183732550972188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783358403914272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775103937293917,0.0,0.06393437584765806,0.0,0.0,0.07908012965551052,0.08535569355178707,0.05055001640257213,0.13845885479928016,0.0,0.0,0.1375677334590618,0.0,0.0721494883968598,0.0,0.07739582776656022,0.054675938651668386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678312649770755,0.17739004517642773,0.0,0.1999294043238601,0.0,0.0869921255664041,0.06419312770476909,0.1836338073258697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556152677221943,0.0,0.08135211333936906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676988960221104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189646500803722,0.0,0.08467358382590692,0.0,0.0841222216669198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826124865925771,0.2162330438293872,0.03739066960506433,0.0,0.0675809658954926,0.06773022343524343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907496573693732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336801418618932,0.0,0.0,0.07712831863367853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134358015389194,0.16878399255975446,0.056749026280679515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343648247647369,0.0,0.240928824546969,0.0,0.05186145113714562,0.11641518338836268,0.0,0.0,0.08498200228355837,0.0,0.14612081622696546,0.0,0.0,0.07996178994056434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646549414962395,0.0,0.07693785633763188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113627705741128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745654178050251,0.0,0.06967372220376172,0.0,0.08646168884844807,0.2356832990523662,0.1266195095418058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484704987734903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834238513226943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684992985622855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314860427975909,0.04514176400017681,0.06074916434487275,0.06139099624592453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571769791822314,0.0,0.2339841979202888,0.16310277390398967,0.0,0.0,0.1971416686613569
suicidewatch,DisastrousOrchid,2019/02/17,"I feel so alone. Everyday I try to keep myself as busy as possible, I try to distract myself from the crushing and overwhelming loneliness I feel all the time. The problem is that I am an insomniac. So there always is a part of the day where everyone is fast asleep and I am left completely alone with nothing to distract myself. And I really just can’t fall asleep to pass the time. I don’t know what to do. Every single night I get an overwhelming urge to just end it all. To just kill myself and be done with it. I mean what kind of life is worth living where I feel so depressed every night and have no one to help me. ",3.7238232720909887,4.695902834645672,4.872388451443573,85.26340332458443,71.83464566929132,8.479090113735781,25.134733158355203,8.841846274778883,1.6333541557305342,488,14,103,9,9,161,71,127,0.21,0.755,0.034,-0.9703,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,4,8,0,12,3,2,0,2,19,19,10,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,1,2,3,7,0,1,1,3,16,1,15,17,4,13,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,8,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512876256197884,0.0,0.0,0.1411122393967506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781160341853966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937134486880412,0.0,0.14606738438033068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354917222550942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020616227051814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857733206755688,0.16205025288541516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572489865090226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860363341685154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136724200019109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073914258490467,0.1876259074240225,0.17660160473038347,0.09320207945391956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425973588188055,0.0,0.11978624037859027,0.0,0.0,0.14975083701198122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847329309219186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182969431498852,0.0,0.16272591805026415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491838883234284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836491492220315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191186937199574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227446627647632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864352246614532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977782686140209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302805865460157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,overdosed_cat,2019/02/17,Can't continue living I can't. I just can't. I'm extremely tired of life and all I wanna do is to kill myself. ,-1.5174358974358988,0.2340170000000015,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,90.53846153846152,6.543589743589743,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.4190666666666667,86,2,21,2,3,33,19,26,0.193,0.6990000000000001,0.108,-0.4726,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657886566407359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612171525688223,0.0,0.0,0.4515758301563138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5877794095792906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IgorSMaliniak,2019/02/17,"I utterly despise myself I really hate everything about me. No matter how small and insignificant it is I will hate it with every fibre of my body. But the worst part is, that I'm self-aware enough to realise that most, if not all the things that I hate myself for are just plain unreasonable.

What this means is that my head is filled with a constant back-and-forth between ""why the fuck did you do this you pathetic fuck?"" and ""it wasn't that bad, anyone could make that mistake, really"" and it would keep going until I just tire myself out. Sometimes I find it funny and comedic with how creative my self-insults can get, but most of the time it just leaves me empty and tired...

I even managed to persuade myself that all the times that I do insult myself that way, is just me being a little strict on myself, or giving myself a pep talk, which I know couldn't be further from the truth. I doubt a strict person or pep talk would tell myself to go and die alone, because all I'm doing is wasting everyone's time and energy.

So yeah, I utterly despise myself in every way possible and make my own life a living hell for myself, and I deserve every bit of it. Or so I'd like to say but I do know it's not true...

Sorry if this was a mess to read through, I only ever told one person about this, and that was my therapist. No one else knows this or probably doesn't even have a single clue.",6.139727164887308,5.344067836298934,6.665466192170818,80.64059549228946,66.36654804270462,9.343867141162516,28.34187425860024,8.447377352677275,1.826857461447212,1086,27,221,13,15,356,148,281,0.195,0.72,0.085,-0.9873,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,0,13,18,9,1,13,1,25,7,2,4,6,54,44,24,1,7,15,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,26,14,0,1,5,2,0,3,7,14,0,2,5,1,34,4,22,32,11,17,1,0,0,2,11,6,3,9,7,166,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146789287228864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525447685004559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275761342347758,0.08986306545744614,0.06560770186775906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749952228497773,0.11954802523306045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630527831778242,0.0,0.08593046091177713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169861083903054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899075636580063,0.0,0.0,0.11120624385272143,0.0,0.14217168017583753,0.0973537172830391,0.2720381895486964,0.1028410846905802,0.09672714865262347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983680510870038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989966755200202,0.056230049665881486,0.10324449499816518,0.12233246924538875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31877465080242817,0.1104551429565933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566277529798813,0.0,0.0,0.17744501059007098,0.0,0.0,0.11396020507549805,0.0,0.0,0.07601930063170871,0.0525805400172049,0.10786934750704033,0.09503557222168647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368214322047992,0.0,0.0,0.1172360712544744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586008411561904,0.08185428709108991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654827667470907,0.0,0.0,0.1879494321052365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133194271641662,0.0,0.0,0.11603883885292995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765494662193027,0.0,0.1378957143982266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558837307764841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245544083842279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644468949424993,0.12047829576509746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730111171302281,0.0940697118314229,0.0,0.0,0.12496187407452353,0.07150181353316054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827244614242855,0.24740009893867385,0.0,0.1028410846905802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085673514735347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711556381970504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290859138138715,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ehlee0133,2019/02/17,"I might fail senior year of high school and my plan is to kill myself if that means I can’t get into college. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve been doing poorly throughout all this year. It’s almost as if I’ve forgotten how to do schoolwork even though I have prescriptions for vyvance and adderall. I have to get at least an 80 in English this last trimester as well as put in ~30 hours of volunteer work and think of some sort of project to do. I think I might be able to do this, but last night I took too much LSD and had to take some Klonopin to end the trip. The thing is I get drug tested on Tuesday and the Klonopin might possibly make me test positive for benzodiazepines, which will mean I’ll get kicked out of school. If the test was just pushed back a couple more days I wouldn’t test positive for the Klonopin. I’ve already been accepted into the University of Memphis and probably the University if Tennessee at Chattanooga (which is my first preference) but if I fail or get kicked out my school counselors and mom said there’s no hope of me getting into college. I’ve experienced very little happiness or enjoyment from life since I’ve been been in around 8 years old so I’ve thought about suicide for about a decade now. Is there any hope of getting into college if I fail this drug test or fail because of grades? If I can’t get into college then I plan on killing myself. Probably either by taking the rest of the Klonopin I have to calm myself down enough to where I can throw myself in front of the train by my house, or find some opioids and overdose on them. Is there really any hope of college at all if I don’t pass senior year? ",6.976091424521616,5.955643150602409,6.669844082211199,82.02710489014886,64.78313253012048,9.980439404677538,33.38483345145287,9.007467420416297,2.5377272856130406,1314,46,274,18,17,412,166,332,0.106,0.787,0.108,0.2051,0,0,3,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,8,17,15,2,0,13,0,29,3,0,2,3,58,51,29,3,13,17,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,10,16,0,0,8,0,1,7,6,6,1,1,9,2,27,9,53,36,11,47,0,4,0,0,3,22,0,23,18,182,37,22,0.09410299292633252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423055426655684,0.0,0.10384499271336343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798652423806606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837716146975064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723593929292517,0.0,0.0573643110554902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412317180545567,0.0,0.060688645491116536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218259192143172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833473204846427,0.09723354700852747,0.0,0.0621541393213792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600843071520893,0.08004395771060223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933194387696621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001743858081242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994249786394984,0.0,0.2803965151066648,0.09267249242802178,0.10858221932730758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082220383092937,0.0,0.0,0.1534129979882346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646772685999451,0.0,0.09431592065545982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281447850004253,0.0,0.0,0.2050114930689308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994852135665336,0.0,0.11021228798278764,0.0,0.0,0.06917652742999449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830928414979759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874526124892598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608698528993568,0.0,0.0,0.20291788485121465,0.0,0.0,0.0945994993120142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028478691345676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951349564149058,0.0,0.0,0.2857117582814049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784296818215926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293340072761267,0.0,0.08869095716989198,0.0,0.14150747883726772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251784707861432,0.12059479630975507,0.09245571276312987,0.07470726497719625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045518876393052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764482442690318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460989195589805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850809961160663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423969686269711
suicidewatch,metallica594,2019/02/17,Hey all. Listen I don't think I'd ever kill myself However I have been in situations where I wanna just die. Like sometimes I get stuck in my head. I drink sometimes after work and my girlfriend hates it however I feel justified in that I just wanna relax a little but to digress when she and I argue and I get upset I dont feel normal sorrow. I feel like the world would just be better off if I was gone. Not just in this situation however sometimes I just have feelings of no fucking purpose man. I just wanna die. But I don't wanna die. I'd never kill myself but man I guess it'd just be easier to not wake up. Idk,-0.03454751131221556,2.266457346153849,2.9138914027149347,87.7916968325792,90.92307692307692,5.212669683257919,18.416289592760183,6.794906146795322,0.3772036199095021,485,14,98,7,17,171,73,130,0.242,0.611,0.147,-0.9505,3,0,1,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,5,1,2,0,11,4,2,0,3,31,24,8,5,7,13,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,0,5,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,5,21,4,14,16,1,14,0,1,0,1,7,9,1,2,6,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882837543812473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535301285665152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707176594383809,0.14269571339598425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176184133400964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946093059306414,0.1040627176044884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466444383234846,0.15220733401969735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046582238700524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381349486025735,0.14949375768014508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223122806677762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232859236101314,0.14599405392712195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234540961919706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272024094140925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274659068561161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321976195489178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333590274802388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604545997783832,0.0,0.0,0.10347585135155046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pacster14,2019/02/17,"Just leaving this here in case someone comes looking for answers. If someone I know did find this then I just want you to know I am really really sorry and I was meaning to hand-write about 20 letters but I lacked the energy in the end. Anyone that would seek me out at this late stage is clearly someone who means a lot to me, so thank you for the love you shared with me in life and please live your life/lives to the fullest.

To put it simply I just do not enjoy life, I haven't really enjoyed it all that much for years and I just bumble through trying to make life bearable on a day-to-day basis which has only caused increasing problems and a feeling of being left behind. 

I'd just like to also say that this is in no way anybody's fault but my own, I feel I have failed all tenants of what I wished to be (Good, kind, Intelligent and funny) and that my own shortcomings have driven me increasingly insane and I'm terrified they might make me resentful or mean.

I wish I could speak to any of you about this but you don't respect my wish to die, I'm expected to endure day after day of misery for everyone else's sake and I've done that long enough, I can't be held prisoner on this coil any more.

My mental health had been in steady decline but recently nosedived and I'm scared so often now it is deeply unpleasant to live.

To L. N. R., I am so incredibly sorry to leave you like this, I'm don't know how I would react if the tables were turned. It is so grossly unfair and the worst thing I've ever done in my life to leave you silently as I have. You made my life infinitely better and I love you so deeply that writing this has me in tears. I'm so sorry. Please live a full life and try and be happy, make sure to talk to everyone. Everyone loves you, you are ridiculously smart and funny. I loved you to no end. Please upload the videos of us that I have on my computer to my youtube so that they are't lost to time. I love you like nothing else on this earth.

[P.S. I charge you with the care of the Idol henceforth.]

To T. D. (I've relegated your middle name).

Thank you for everything over the years, your hospitality, company and council have been most welcome. You are one of the people, maybe the only person, who I truly love and not because I was born into it. You are such a kind, funny individual with a magnetic personality. I don't know what to say in such a weird small format assuming you ever even looked for this. I wish things didn't have to be the way they are, but sadly that's reality. Have a fantastic life, I sincerely have absolutely no doubt that you will. Thanks for everything. I love you.

[P.S. I want you to look after my watch one last time. If only it ticked backwards.]
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suicidewatch,Mikethebrickgod,2019/02/17,"Everything is so weird right now. 
 I just turned 22 last month and I was very close to ending my life. For the past few months I have been coming to peace with the fact I will be ending my life soon. It's been real tough honestly, I think about what my brothers and my parents will think. It all started back in November when I had quit a job for personal reasons, my parents were upset and threatened to kick me out if I didn't find a job quick. Luckily I was able to find a much better job with better pay and it was in my city which was huge. No need to drive 45 mins to work anymore. I was there for about a month and everything seemed to be going good. Everything at home was better I felt better and out of nowhere I was let go. My parents didn't believe me they assumed I had quit again or I must have done something to get fired. They weren't as upset just a bit let down. Which in a way made me feel a bit better.
 
Sadly after that happened I fell back into a bad state of mind. It's been worse than ever and I have never felt an urge like this to hurt myself. If I am honest I don't know what I want to do with my life. I can't go back to school because I owe student loans. I can't find a job that pays enough for me to get back on my feet and get a place of my own. Every day its the same routine. I wake up apply at a few places and just cry when I start to think about how much better it would be if I wasn't so weak. 

Lately I been having episodes where I'll be in my room and something I am watching or listening to will trigger something in me and I get super emotional. First I feel like I have trouble breathing and I'll start hyperventilating then  I start to cry and feel so worthless I'll cry and cry and just put myself down for not doing better than where I am currently in life. It'll pass after a few mins then I am just sitting there feeling sorry for myself and in my mind, apologizing to my parents for wasting their time, money, and space.

It's hard to talk about what goes on in my head but I do open up to my two only friends. The only time I have ever opened up to a family member was a few days before my birthday. I was ready to kill myself and I texted my friends letting them know I loved them. Luckily a friend of mine who I don't speak to often but who I love nonetheless, asked me if I was ok and came to see me. I talked to him cried a bit and drank until I could barely stand. I had asked my brother to come outside with my dog so my friend could see how big she has gotten. And that's when I realized how terrible of a role model I am. I started crying when I realized I was nothing, I gave my brother a hug and apologized to him for being a borderline junkie. It was hard to do so even tho I was drunk. But I am glad I had that moment with him.

After that incident I just been going downhill I think about suicide everyday. I am trying to find a solution. I have been thinking of getting my CDL and becoming a truck driver and going on trips with my dog. I am really trying to do it so I can get back on my feet but I have no way of paying for any of what I need. And now I just got the news my step dad was fired as well. Now no one is working and we have no way of paying for anything. I feel even worse now because even tho I have strict parents I still love them and watching them struggle just drills into my head how worthless I am. I can't help my parents or myself. I know this is all over the place but I just wanted to run down the past 3 months without taking too much time from whoever reads this. I just want to vent a bit. ",1.8554332700822231,3.168574326797387,3.4900706304027014,92.0170920303605,76.97385620915033,6.294960995150747,22.01191229179844,6.828538100315305,0.3859799704828162,2780,74,635,26,62,925,297,765,0.125,0.75,0.125,0.7953,12,0,3,0,0,4,49.0,1,0,7,13,56,38,1,3,30,1,80,17,6,7,7,119,137,60,2,13,24,10,11,2,4,6,5,2,2,1,26,44,2,0,24,2,7,15,16,14,1,3,38,17,121,24,95,83,16,111,0,4,4,4,43,38,0,10,54,464,147,13,0.048204472924587995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03278069459053084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780588421292117,0.0,0.0,0.03966817392965688,0.0,0.0901293501179329,0.0,0.0,0.1853313209723476,0.04024872138985178,0.05876999855417436,0.053238053112112715,0.0410184560316311,0.05430993379688912,0.0,0.29843057304799697,0.2105071983384864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055133075207614665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830477702176001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697469839324482,0.0,0.3177020999999488,0.06217579435962496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329912037381324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542235438954848,0.08538971033119297,0.04980810639894796,0.0,0.09551579921843603,0.0872074110368947,0.04061434748083483,0.0,0.1299692160667872,0.0,0.045442886985075134,0.0,0.12186814946511848,0.034437285089034785,0.09256770695684788,0.0,0.17623205982165666,0.04100270004438815,0.0,0.0,0.14897062482068602,0.0,0.1511090852210893,0.0,0.1369785641777892,0.0404316248434172,0.03855352056019919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426270562094966,0.0,0.08636347883403336,0.0,0.09894339242280543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03231044209467172,0.0,0.04835301669584408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051603885254394265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134200522184389,0.0,0.053331107204211935,0.0,0.07947575299043261,0.03929307919883575,0.054376745097986234,0.0,0.0,0.14787701855506016,0.1361929792090572,0.04710054113795144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051925652815302,0.04561223781663999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734555220656048,0.0,0.15390540156363433,0.0,0.10630750223194252,0.07148601175384682,0.037178261230934935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625349185296634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032664598395265663,0.07332334767178213,0.0,0.0,0.3211521754079593,0.0,0.09203324771264666,0.0,0.042090286424553015,0.15109024322138648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845880945397143,0.0,0.10254278112231184,0.04821751773955762,0.05486724349035109,0.030881019701564757,0.049562226610104905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116635649283285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048785500113668466,0.07682544773349613,0.043883541717156055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133047494444953,0.0,0.05396096088075044,0.17059687021541958,0.0,0.03849615434583212,0.0,0.0,0.05039378141394913,0.0,0.0527278694769496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03624376451861502,0.07748985876760521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544373991938439,0.0,0.0,0.08432524743728945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654553457821783,0.052432624279094314,0.047088765663456406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03977373854358781,0.08529674119724948,0.11478740062203795,0.0,0.0,0.043341610283673664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646739171867506,0.0,0.07018686080320344,0.0,0.0982489522669798,0.034243074511733036,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pumpkinator21,2019/02/17,"A bigger attempt I tried taking about 10 over the counter pills on Friday night mixed with 7 shots. Was not really much, didn’t even throw up but regretted it halfway through. Now it’s Sunday night and I regret not doing more now that I no longer have access fo that stuff. I have wine and my antidepressants, I’m going to take those and hope I don’t wake up.",2.1726418786692747,4.3176422328767154,3.0250880626223093,91.94863013698631,78.72602739726028,5.815264187866927,18.647749510763205,6.868970318607317,0.04221878669275991,285,6,60,3,7,90,58,73,0.14300000000000002,0.804,0.053,-0.754,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,10,11,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,9,2,12,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628399694103855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177498294177818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102036029355029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295906713304321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861811393519245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000797844685001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575309544865431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696505920653986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204434961948146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sockpirate7,2019/02/17,"Don't know what to do I am sorry for being emotional, I don't know if o can even wrote this here but I don't know what else to do. I feel so close to the edge. The only reason I haven't ended it all is because I don't want to hurt my family. But I'm in so much pain and I feel so alone. I have tried calling suicide line but I only have WiFi and no phone signal

I don't know why I'm writing here but I just feel so desperate",-1.814533333333333,-0.06536631999999898,1.4660000000000009,99.39466666666668,92.2,4.533333333333334,14.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.9351666666666664,328,6,86,3,12,117,55,100,0.239,0.7120000000000001,0.05,-0.963,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,14,1,0,1,1,21,25,11,1,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,3,12,0,6,23,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,56,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160893079985546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454865061797167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086286648230903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067913393041634,0.22982710192451744,0.180962624809426,0.0,0.0,0.1349482638309887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926101886478295,0.0,0.30992371500975674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872364924953486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44914516636947227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501951821143386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31078183549365435,0.2174057799832796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100700560753116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871414085713826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348766904463874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871661040434038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051039963227625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436269040680725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BigHollowEyes,2019/02/17,"Losing Hope I am losing hope, guys. 
  I do not really have much to live for anymore. Everything is dragging me down. I just feel like my time is coming shortly. My past haunts me and the ones I love prove to me that they do not love me. My thoughts are catching up to how better everyone would be. 
  I just cannot make myself nor anyone else happy. I disappoint everyone including myself. I have been a passive death wisher for a while now and now I think I am becoming a suicide thinker now. I am not really sure what to do. I see my mom's pills and keep having thoughts to end it all... ",1.4975770308123266,3.647977462184876,3.2506092436974825,89.42000350140059,81.10084033613445,6.655742296918768,22.521708683473392,7.793537801064563,1.108276750700279,454,15,95,8,12,151,75,119,0.177,0.662,0.161,-0.2679,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,0,0,4,0,16,3,0,2,3,23,28,6,2,3,5,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,3,2,22,8,9,23,2,12,0,3,1,2,5,3,0,2,8,71,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685940293664635,0.11059421295120864,0.16206103043664308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468329186176532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988607193761546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362470736189376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212843484290165,0.0,0.1400892296001491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022711550587683,0.14215051813551974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997410978511163,0.11299470905644388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661043627727572,0.0,0.16837196987171252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141915185391547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058631174715175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727252494678374,0.0,0.13966457215785955,0.0,0.0,0.3538973716431445,0.0,0.0,0.2855042217474906,0.0,0.10557786200730324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852435618350002,0.0,0.0,0.11627112158773142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071782163598564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098852917591607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265197024231632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260388136337367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730092908111142,0.0,0.14907075344694867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134718195249798,0.0,0.2511342448763664,0.09222859056837668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235747044657207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yardelk,2019/02/17,"Not really a point to going on Suffered from depression since as long as I can remember. What’s the point of going on and fighting this battle forever?  
Recently divorced from the greatest thing to happen to me. She was so loving and caring and all I wanted to do was drag her down with me into my depression.   It wasn’t just her though. I ruin everyone around me on purpose like the sick person I am. I am the ultimate killjoy and people can feel my presence when I am near to them. It’s just when they are happy. 
I need to stop the pain I’m inflicting on people.  I wish I could just pass and my family wouldn’t be sad. But In 5 or 10 years they will be better off. ",1.2805279503105569,3.3961557898550723,3.4745755693581764,87.70826086956524,81.68115942028986,6.8414078674948255,20.726708074534162,7.957251820313856,1.0259403726708074,521,15,108,10,14,178,89,138,0.224,0.627,0.149,-0.8846,0,0,0,0,3,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,8,13,2,0,6,0,15,3,0,0,1,23,25,13,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,3,1,21,5,22,17,2,21,0,5,0,1,10,12,0,1,7,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586688487890974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478746480293527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996861561470915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876367543125898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32095928368365434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803951685555658,0.0,0.0,0.17564864900335542,0.0,0.09421045725865718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178319720884084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476472625181715,0.19834419306168893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102795802702077,0.0,0.0,0.16488990438376686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816369292750485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815607040244934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826070369208434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583456789982854,0.16268997057922693,0.0,0.0,0.3522707331673525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936322162382268,0.0,0.18397138684136896,0.0,0.2110675256595042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412822933789266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577428844857075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378465643416176,0.0,0.1830613044842753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989807462868252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142621411443925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199858395813018
suicidewatch,Intelligent_Routine,2019/02/17,"I almost had it all After being diagnosed with schizophrenia and losing my dad, I never imagined I would get into my dream program (RN). Even though my grades weren't super competitive they still let me in. I was going to graduate in december same time as my fiance, get married, and get stable jobs. But I failed out of the program and now we are scrambling for other options since I can't reapply due to my college's policies. I wanted to be a nurse to take care of people like I took care of my dad. I Bet hes so disappointed right now. I am just so lost. I can't deal with this life anymore. I just feel so bad for fucking everything up and I just wish so much that this was a bad dream.

I almost had everything.",2.751347031963469,4.360490869863014,4.349520547945208,85.54884703196348,75.23287671232877,6.784474885844749,25.180365296803647,7.492282038375204,1.2439926940639263,561,19,113,7,12,188,95,146,0.172,0.713,0.115,-0.894,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,1,4,12,11,1,0,3,0,14,3,0,0,2,25,27,11,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,2,2,1,2,4,7,0,0,7,1,24,4,18,16,3,15,0,4,0,1,6,6,1,4,8,84,29,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349520463697054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586637263842685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792923729027057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410436328590063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724266930007819,0.0,0.1697545273896256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046659078939766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006257880674765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456627557355527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546192905361514,0.26214258193302714,0.0,0.0950516361885383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596913153073795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102374925974548,0.11813313262659687,0.0817095639635449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871091953104964,0.1825723769572162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294748557820068,0.0,0.1289929771806687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159496117475784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282999548329672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835035616128094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356551368097827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575066543459404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643215962679045,0.0,0.09752441667338103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858201354601901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864797533607443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232845058006198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880911002402035,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kyleaash,2019/02/17,Thoughts of death relieve my anxiety I dont want to die nor do i ever plan on killing myself but just knowing i will die calms me. Can anyone relate?,0.37338709677419146,2.762850774193552,2.277661290322584,92.53649193548388,89.64516129032259,4.390322580645162,23.87903225806452,5.985473137389443,0.6053161290322584,118,5,24,1,4,39,27,31,0.202,0.505,0.292,0.6576,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409683621733815,0.0,0.0,0.22025004506666904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6538248646709156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36916880560515386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849287047961736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34849247604915656,0.0,0.1731116128244669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500688204011451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579070825669988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chr0n0triggerwarning,2019/02/17,"Turning 30 at midnight. I cannot do this anymore. I hate everything about myself. I cannot enjoy anything, I have tried to love life but I do not have one. I want to be an outgoing fun woman but instead I am shy, awkward and have a lot of anxiety around people. I decided to treat myself today and grt a haircut and it looks awful, and that was the straw for me oddly enough. Nothing ever goes right and I can never have the life I want. I am too old to start over and my life is already done. Vaya con dios.",0.10947024673439644,2.3703922547169824,2.3956603773584924,92.40978955007259,88.71698113207546,4.770972423802613,20.41799709724237,6.297961479604792,0.2487004354136424,393,13,83,4,13,133,72,106,0.158,0.72,0.122,0.031,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,5,1,15,4,0,0,2,16,22,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,15,4,10,19,2,9,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,5,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328646269906896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478902014503415,0.0,0.20066622768761855,0.0,0.0,0.16650801366349596,0.18012488644518393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706336727535848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907059839798936,0.0,0.0,0.18302749219360107,0.0,0.0,0.1818495270545942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976818053981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287547206589439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699140619427046,0.0,0.0,0.17202164766473296,0.18261912927877672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605655153179068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415002735178166,0.0,0.21232107120876892,0.0,0.13711035465247964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027660231016684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279666721084802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432168067385724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179400922315645,0.0,0.0,0.13737511120595802,0.22008706867520536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386899377472157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Turtymcturtfayce,2019/02/17,"Need help This sub has become a shithole of people supporting other people’s suicidal thoughts and encouraging them to do it, I love it. I really need to kill myself, but I’m too much of a little bitch and I’m not wealthy enough to hire anybody to do it but none of my friends will. How the fuck do I do this shit. My parents used to leave their gun home occasionally but recently they haven’t.",1.9978750000000003,4.2453850375,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.875,7.0,23.75,8.07648339933343,1.37475,313,11,65,6,8,104,56,80,0.321,0.591,0.08800000000000001,-0.9774,1,0,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,3,0,2,8,4,0,3,0,7,3,1,2,0,11,16,6,2,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,9,4,8,14,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,3,0,1,44,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378915297735801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256498751783066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641691308324727,0.1991331199975569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437756544882607,0.0,0.21606299326382955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830733724637695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807668653702984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588661885978672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440621751642206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583432203973113,0.3194316038890905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391753574491319,0.0,0.0,0.29866141371800115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379902642627228,0.0,0.21268075661551586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211042172888658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356118001753017,0.24443249699488864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100293066222022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603577842537972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RealAmericanSicko,2019/02/17,I'm scared but there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing will ever be okay for me and it's a sham to believe otherwise. I remind myself there's no coming back but nobody would want me back anyways. ,-0.2078787878787871,2.08037518181818,2.02,93.64166666666668,92.63636363636364,3.8424242424242414,16.424242424242426,5.46131890053228,-0.5568212121212115,164,4,34,1,6,55,35,44,0.17,0.7440000000000001,0.086,-0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,7,6,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197573087298895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38077731383274016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29113188557290925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993417801839585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057139035109493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242920613570309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383676923384804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934391200722032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400847325411203,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yOur_Laptpop,2019/02/17,"Can someone help me? I'm going to make it short.
At the moment I feel like shit and I'm about to cut myself.
Is there something I can do ,to prevent myself from doing so.
It is such a strong Urge,please help me.



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suicidewatch,Fors28,2019/02/17,I'm about to relapse So close to doing it. Just taking a blade and cover my skin. Cant take it anymore everythings a mess   ,0.2941025641025625,2.495498153846153,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,86.69230769230771,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.29945128205128224,96,3,20,1,3,33,23,26,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926417643003775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44644618517883344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7469872126122896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justanotherloser-,2019/02/17,"Thinking quite calmly about killing myself I lost the love of my life (through betrayal), I don’t have any friends, and I grew up in an abusive family. I have no support system except my love who moved away who I speak to because I literally don’t have anyone else.

I’ve thought a lot about killing myself and it usually makes me sad, but more and more I’m starting to feel quite calm about this possibility.

I’ve done therapy for many years, many meds, nothings helped.

I’m catatonic and I spend all day on my phone. But lately I find myself even less interested in that and I will often put my phone down to just stare at the ceiling. Even Facebook scrolling is not interesting anymore because again, I don’t have any friends nor do I feel connected to my abusive family.

I have a day and a plan. I’ve lost my anxiety about death because I figure we all die anyway.",5.292902711323767,5.95286505263158,5.861031366294522,80.73004784688996,68.06432748538012,9.025199362041466,32.50451887293993,9.095868883498916,2.680983625730996,688,29,136,12,11,223,101,171,0.203,0.6809999999999999,0.116,-0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,0,5,10,14,2,0,6,0,12,3,0,1,2,23,25,9,4,0,5,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,0,1,3,6,5,0,0,4,4,24,9,19,20,6,18,0,3,1,2,11,7,0,2,7,89,29,0,0.0,0.29367708676093396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855531812948418,0.0,0.09480724621680812,0.0,0.1229067309680781,0.08665577532072145,0.12698245113383996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643770900446812,0.0,0.0,0.2266424474795068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598511094586032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862131436766305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268249364545517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352885252934872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371115301002034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336631474155563,0.0,0.1253269642973232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327113137359468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149831457393884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306866151251184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27422365063613496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980011228139932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753647239759847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705717097437085,0.10536211605636013,0.2237060062426856,0.0,0.08272522806399714,0.2512941463772684,0.0,0.0,0.13765994062087153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171955465754365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891560156459145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397141274161163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458537175184885,0.0,0.26363277700262805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771934240637068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063597964410451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172645294734373,0.0,0.0,0.0794102909574344,0.0,0.09838775519360306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136493020965732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980781258764319
suicidewatch,999agent999,2019/02/17,I just need one reason to keep going Just ended a relationship that meant everything to me on a whim during an emotional breakdown and i just dont want to be here anymore ,3.35372549019608,5.453831235294118,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,74.88235294117645,8.062745098039215,26.03921568627451,8.841846274778883,2.2302274509803928,138,5,25,3,3,47,28,34,0.041,0.905,0.054000000000000006,0.0971,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,7,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152832389168073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725904495401671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576081653206909,0.2815756353703203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857187706469235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806766932028604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28257475729977205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572769015854775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154253717828433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268664431341938,0.0,0.34131846990636466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751271087565435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sylas69,2019/02/17,"endgame i won't miss out on much if i kill myself. i have no friends and will never succeed in life with the grades i have now. i'm not good at anything and i was meant to die young. i just don't want to make my mom sad, but jesus, i can't live like this.",-0.9463841807909574,0.6237259152542407,1.0450000000000017,105.08467514124297,86.45762711864407,3.9333333333333336,16.612994350282484,3.1291,-1.3444259887005652,195,4,54,0,6,64,47,59,0.282,0.6609999999999999,0.057,-0.8741,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,12,4,2,2,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,9,4,7,8,1,7,1,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,35,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728473235808398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441090702708827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561640242538458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780985241749039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668242931997736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23419208767705965,0.1619844741465574,0.0,0.2927753725334485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213202489571636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883214761461828,0.0,0.0,0.2437362633327932,0.0,0.2557210999991609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556389283347397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soooohappy,2019/02/17,"I desperately hope my next life is better. I want to move on because my current one is meaningless. I was abused as a kid, so growing up I always felt awkward and uncomfortable just existing. I was obnoxious as a kid because I wanted to be liked, but that didn't make me any friends. The only people who seemed alright with me were the custodians and teachers. I ended up hating school through all my years because nobody liked me and that made me feel sick, but also when I came home I would feel sick. Then I grew up into a more introverted, depressed teenager. Anyone who tried talking to me ended up regretting it (shown in them avoiding me) because I was quiet and awkward. I've had no real life friends my entire life. My grades went from great to barely decent because I began to care less and less about life. I tried to kill myself a few times but I failed that. 


Now, as an adult, I have nothing in my life. I have no true ties. I stopped attending therapy because I don't want them to waste any more time on me. All I do is eat and hope I have some undiagnosed disease that will kill me in my sleep. I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon, so it'll have to be myself who does it for sure this time.


I have been motivated multiple times to change. Swayed by hope maybe I could believe in a religion, in being on an healthy diet and exercise routine, in going out and being more outgoing, in finding some type of happiness/love/success/etc. I have come to find changing for good or permanently is truly impossible. I always come back to this feeling eventually. Everything that happened while I was feeling good is meaningless if I have to come back to feeling this hopeless.


It hurts. It feels like I was cursed from the start. I hope my next life is better, I hope I get a chance to live a life with a good start. Even if that one ends bad too, at least it won't be all bad. I wanted to meet someone who I could love, I wanted to find a job/hobby/really anything I could enjoy, I wanted something. I lack purpose in this life and I don't see any point in finding one. I don't have any more motivation.


I feel guilty that I'll leave a mess. I hope it's easy and that nobody in my family gets a good look at me. I hope they don't feel sad over the time they wasted raising me.


This is long and rambling. I'm miserable. I want to die. I will hopefully not survive my next attempt. I hope things are better in the next life. I hope I have a next life. I hope it isn't just more time I have to spend alone in a dark place. I also hope it isn't a place where I'm tortured even worse than I have tortured myself while alive.",2.9086553202546446,4.418711033519557,4.2227369970984405,87.03081070546969,74.60521415270019,7.0065220215668464,25.5237538434888,7.65591337171366,1.2521247152570265,2063,70,431,27,43,680,235,537,0.198,0.561,0.241,0.9748,2,3,1,0,1,4,60.0,0,0,4,8,16,49,5,4,21,1,49,17,1,4,5,82,102,28,3,27,9,0,9,3,2,5,13,1,1,3,28,19,2,2,17,1,1,11,12,18,0,3,14,12,78,31,57,75,15,68,0,7,2,1,16,28,0,18,32,288,106,6,0.0,0.05722602449983225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050022854610593234,0.0,0.07724885574769295,0.08037672289383656,0.0,0.0,0.13137900367020386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03377155212379493,0.0,0.03974568899006879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742773897941236,0.08065474178094162,0.17665452072156004,0.0,0.0,0.05441606012896324,0.0,0.12814874242791413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055240810029565136,0.04924371163164499,0.0,0.10218717452485793,0.12481507917054685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568767046855286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159957254011128,0.0,0.05012639268787263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226649041927186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942159581026049,0.0,0.0,0.12833485387280402,0.0,0.05386578272717215,0.06380163026251763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043407729071285886,0.0,0.045531686336822114,0.0,0.19537006467805265,0.034504578537904715,0.04637429615180835,0.0,0.17657643258728514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463086318617468,0.0,0.050468121836760714,0.0,0.05489849288017053,0.16204252701314084,0.0,0.053249452701790524,0.0,0.0,0.08542070636622758,0.0,0.0,0.047684935992890864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844750269403807,0.5756577109444523,0.0,0.0,0.05170472373236596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792897603359193,0.0,0.10687064164805928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114131632878676,0.0,0.0,0.3411477803259265,0.07078886953503198,0.0,0.04264860929529428,0.04274280188950864,0.040558717339948536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718286833473515,0.04570136809463435,0.032239736372747546,0.0,0.04852250444658685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133384115918906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568309102570136,0.0,0.0,0.04634387519709512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818528358068222,0.036733313933749616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03348421547608532,0.0,0.10092365779444926,0.0,0.045657853388647036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054974458854015966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048880831222058836,0.03848778566859448,0.043969293972687805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833354937621805,0.0,0.04092330521656507,0.037182674790335886,0.0,0.0,0.0683720925322649,0.0,0.0,0.04037984966708445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552092361639245,0.0,0.0,0.03882064034410963,0.0,0.0,0.05523373687809202,0.0,0.03208748932628497,0.030947836659577305,0.0,0.0,0.16898005260319734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558325121819825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994146430379192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477334972715459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922046963049189,0.03430998845625121,0.0,0.0,0.031102759079984305
suicidewatch,CosmosFactor,2019/02/17,"I hate myself for falling back in I hate myself. No one likes me. No one wants to know me. If they do its only for my body. My family doesn't care. My mom doesn't care. My boyfriend doesn't care, I have no friends. I literally want to die right now.

Its selfish, yada yada. Yet you sit back and watch me ask for help, you record me behind your phone, no one wants to step in. If I die, I hope you all are happy. I hope my mom realizes she fucked up. I'm at my brothers house and he's lucky the razors aren't detachable. I've just been slicing my leg. I hate that feeling. Its like a papercut. Where you can feel the blade glide through skin. Its nasty. I've bitten my arms all over, I'm dead inside. I'm sure it'll pass but its incredibly unbearable right now. I hate myself. I hate myself so much right now.

I've had help before, I've gone to the hospital and they don't do shit. I'm hopeless. I just want to die.",-0.9308805744520008,1.1828635612244902,1.2686621315192743,98.89644368858656,94.51020408163264,4.536356764928193,15.422524565381709,6.238725200709706,-0.6322212396069542,702,16,169,8,27,233,104,196,0.236,0.619,0.146,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,5,2,0,10,20,7,0,4,0,13,6,5,0,3,22,37,7,4,8,5,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,9,9,0,3,3,4,35,11,15,33,3,20,0,1,1,1,17,9,2,5,8,99,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036472013455963,0.0,0.0,0.16510249890602016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135327958272453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924992087591328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32837421461605776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342602392269435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120704583791336,0.0,0.10856630119603768,0.07669618111375524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294409672784146,0.09925022920315743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428399792869925,0.0,0.52996625988214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391886656288674,0.0,0.0,0.2132603359175655,0.0,0.12387607898554433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900084486670878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489885089177488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514714872456069,0.0,0.0,0.07892007576334881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182445522102792,0.08165017565064195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750480177404905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102008758963546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118312264886636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532888135389193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happily-bleeding,2019/02/17,I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking depressed all the time. I'm either numb or overwhelmingly sad and all I think about anymore is how badly I want to kill myself. Honestly the only reason I haven't yet is because I don't have the energy to physically go through with it yet. But I'm planning. I don't think I can get through this.,1.0482738095238098,2.963773152777776,3.4992063492063497,88.29500000000002,81.3611111111111,6.336507936507938,24.174603174603178,7.447530270364453,1.0869936507936508,265,10,58,4,7,92,45,72,0.278,0.664,0.058,-0.945,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,1,3,0,9,2,0,2,2,13,19,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,8,1,7,19,3,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178275118265187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675852812712511,0.19536007667308009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760267548594347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29627623495819805,0.16743623844955938,0.0,0.18213471811249912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545608115974699,0.0,0.17612602325260018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437375391439212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295041901936861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106980144964787,0.0,0.0,0.1868729761227829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902590108565895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jpeghoward,2019/02/17,"I’m stuck. Sorry i’m brand new to this subreddit so I hope this is okay. 

I am a 20/F and i’m very stuck. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember; i’ve been on and off suicidal since high school. To be honest, I’d never think I’d make it this far in life. As of late, I’d say the past month, everything had been really bad, for no reason. Like yeah my life is fine, but my depression is killing me. I feel incredibly selfish for being sad, because why should I be sad if people have it so much worse than I do. I feel like I constantly have to hide how I feel too my friends and family and just chalk up my depression as being “tired.” I am exhausted, I can’t focus, I constantly have nightmares and I can’t sleep. Suicide has been at the back of my mind constantly. Everyday I think about it more and more. I think about checking my self into to a hospital, but I don’t know. I haven’t heard good things about it, but then again I could be wrong. 

I don’t want to disappoint my friends and family and coworkers and professors, I hate missing school and work, but I also do not feel like i’m getting much out of life. I don’t know if I can see a future for myself; and I wonder if people would just be better off without me. 

My life just feels like an endless loop of the same monotonous bullshit (school, work, homework, repeat) with no “light at the end of the tunnel.” Everything feels dark and grey and I’m just tired , I’m so so so tired. I’m quite literally stuck. ",1.1729126213592238,3.1144419385113267,3.1292653721682835,90.97273300970876,81.07119741100324,6.967896440129452,21.303236245954693,8.021203637495839,0.9216583818770232,1145,34,258,22,30,385,149,309,0.27,0.62,0.11,-0.9963,0,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,0,4,17,25,2,0,9,2,34,9,1,3,1,53,64,32,3,8,13,0,6,4,2,2,8,2,1,1,8,16,0,0,14,0,1,0,11,13,0,0,9,11,36,12,33,46,5,27,0,7,2,0,5,11,0,5,20,164,44,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250776808176307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971867351021409,0.07570462054283122,0.05527082955942435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018914287681031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939421301962668,0.0,0.0723916205537994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234278589282194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030560221119418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297445558218768,0.0,0.17094885982854055,0.0,0.2750690713024255,0.19432132327423574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010090550257898,0.0,0.04737068061712092,0.0,0.0,0.07604864728629032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951662122372618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579651436966366,0.0,0.09005452873840898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031154020812943,0.0,0.09965834962753237,0.0,0.10227830131854196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256168083247957,0.17718468915684266,0.0,0.0,0.08023899219146154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052209590178102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154959259386757,0.0,0.07237093268138416,0.0,0.13330393015258346,0.0,0.06992933096353815,0.0875684455114117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655358300608071,0.12571659251857772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643737820983986,0.0,0.0,0.05808472412920205,0.09322257774185708,0.0,0.0,0.1027100210080016,0.0,0.0,0.07210343063346669,0.0,0.2752848522807041,0.07225125628666405,0.0,0.09458728228004888,0.0,0.0,0.07500212845986999,0.0,0.09073423171951454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014962445150811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983537967390373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602362898939329,0.17429062538925172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31263117695356685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481121586066823,0.05347877897645045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181444590553613,0.0,0.0,0.08740144124340711,0.09832639369102393,0.13201586238560006,0.0,0.09239920416425723,0.06440847988737045,0.0991320467083971,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yozoraseiten,2019/02/17,"Follow-up from yesterday; final goodbye Yesterday I made a post about how I was going to kill myself. Stupidly enough, I fell asleep. I’m now sitting in the bathtub writing this. I want to thank everyone for all your help, all of you who reached out, you’re wonderful. Thank you. Take care. <3",1.1939682539682543,3.8034801428571434,2.218809523809526,90.2373015873016,95.78571428571428,5.346031746031747,24.079365079365076,6.937597516519254,1.3526769841269841,232,10,43,4,9,73,46,56,0.12,0.609,0.271,0.7701,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,2,8,10,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,3,8,8,3,10,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27740001541574666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811276443819416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599806529122245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980463893396198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462728403959505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236707097955532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30101221717831805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574452614133461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26057397545508904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045675870718757,0.0,0.0,0.5009827757753617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604777057384468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950552420057913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,creativeusername1472,2019/02/17,"Male; mid-late 20’s; no college degree; no skills; no friends; unemployed for 4 years; physical, neurological, and emotional handicaps. I’ve been in therapy all my life, have tried every prescription under the sun, and been institutionalized twice. 

I can’t get the right help (not even sure what it would be at this point), and can’t form any relationships or build any kind of life for myself.

Every day my life just gets worse and see no road to recovery or how anything will ever improve for me. I don’t understand why I even keep waking up and I’m not sure how much longer I can.",5.914642857142855,6.499379035714284,6.453571428571429,77.29142857142857,66.67857142857143,10.32857142857143,29.392857142857146,10.290406445055957,2.780825,460,15,91,11,7,150,83,112,0.103,0.769,0.129,0.4588,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,10,5,1,2,4,19,16,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,1,8,4,9,11,3,10,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,2,3,55,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24332656507481884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722568611895878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538058193477135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012469358425867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633352520959844,0.16183213963078355,0.3014746877304233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382235447092157,0.0,0.18694364227549004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199179728976266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902126843788664,0.0,0.1863047030174908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791031226480503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151764924903078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912548159731258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207977578906174,0.0,0.1527860871645471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256616997315372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372365347027537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459639813573305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146649616419905,0.0,0.0,0.18624908978547464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143625454691168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232209823453366,0.12709080455159066,0.0,0.0,0.11521060930375485
suicidewatch,fluffymoonbah,2019/02/17,Very tired I can't pinpoint why I feel this way or how to make it stop. I scream to myself all the time to just BE NORMAL. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and I thought having and understanding of what was happening to me would help but everytime I pull myself out of a depression it comes back worse. I want to just end it and end my life and I fantasize about smashing my head into a wall until it all stops. I've been like this since I was very young and fantasized about stabbing myself alot. I go to therapy and take medicine but I can't ever seem to make it fully work and it's like there is a block in my head that stops me from succeeding. I look normal I think and I can do normal stuff but it doesn't come easy and I feel very far behind the rest of my peers. It makes me so beyond sad to feel like this and I don't know why I'm posting this and I'm sorry if I'm rambling. It's taking all my strength not to cut my arms and stomach and self harm. I decided to write here instead to try to delay it. Why can't I just be normal? Does this go on forever?,0.8861038961038972,2.6862744718614735,2.8591125541125564,93.26581168831171,81.33766233766234,6.277922077922077,20.02380952380953,7.348242739294969,0.3747991341991339,837,22,194,12,22,281,123,231,0.16899999999999998,0.732,0.099,-0.9399,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,13,10,1,0,6,0,16,7,4,4,4,57,39,21,0,7,9,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,18,18,0,5,9,0,0,5,6,5,0,0,5,5,30,5,26,31,5,25,0,2,1,0,3,7,0,4,14,129,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856316141241961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185949185053056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591717084727544,0.11303155113915495,0.0,0.0,0.12763215451779802,0.0,0.09745490001732564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972699133339852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073461047358193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892610964420773,0.07955806640662627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658082281417515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847832545063072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285820431116647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464456884883294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061202436233305714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865929366975932,0.1632196601715127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351724507964836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300789019557127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364501203799659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066553953331412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138109659530394,0.11617635920848267,0.0,0.0,0.09212099139878276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246622577249289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27931447628966505,0.0,0.0,0.12748449952737562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746290057088334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735380325269174,0.0,0.0,0.07135719804255253,0.0,0.08841013485362167,0.06493691956287234,0.12799589626997626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560846816094327,0.0,0.0,0.11593327229933093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275659511843874,0.06568504440167904,0.08839511804062937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30146455929951355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107391332123158,0.0,0.11348886314105365,0.07910939520720116,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YoGottiBeKiddingMe,2019/02/17,"How long can you live after a self inflicted gunshot wound? Hey guys, I’ve asked this in /r/nostupidquestions but they removed it because they said it was a suicide question. They told me to post here so I guess I will, not sure if it’s the right one. I was just curious how long someone can live after a self inflicted gunshot wound from a .223/.556 round from an AR15 rifle?

I was advised by one commenter that it’d likely just be for 10-15 seconds before the blood stops reaching the brain but I’m unsure if that is accurate. Thank you!",3.3984631360332287,5.284902158878506,3.8242367601246094,88.82011422637592,74.14018691588784,6.6247144340602295,27.77673935617861,7.3871296695380915,1.4800184839044657,429,17,85,5,9,134,74,107,0.127,0.795,0.078,-0.7465,0,0,0,3,0,1,14.0,0,2,3,0,6,3,0,0,8,0,9,4,2,2,1,13,15,7,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,10,3,8,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,15,2,0,4,6,55,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938876460255376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697274442268,0.0,0.1632819973469311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420973787374006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138554398799145,0.1899986399454587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937464641184373,0.0,0.33888008218783183,0.3396285238040129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600556619879312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837750338616589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149577417801712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638707440977823,0.1825288067684487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003606996303342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258552464356044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042641249059106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989361075427726,0.0,0.18085155168343509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766640863145085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335658121221304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lowerl1,2019/02/17,"How many people have actually seen a therapist? I've seen a therapist and she was the worst person I've ever met in my life, I feel that all therapits do is act like they care to get money from you and pretend that they understand where you are coming from when they are from rich emotionless high class backgrounds and have no personal experience of what I am saying. My doctor keeps referring me to her and all she l does is speak to me and then book me an appointment for a month later and saying in the meantime try meditation and stuff...then she sends me back to my doctor for meds and he sends me back to her for evaluation, totally pointless. I'm just so done with all of this life. Has anyone had a positive experience with a therapist? After my few experiences I just never want to see one again",6.4858790436005656,6.4053910759493675,7.313628691983122,73.89585794655416,65.45569620253164,11.326019690576654,30.846694796061893,10.980518767755715,3.2997825597749646,642,21,124,17,9,215,98,158,0.056,0.861,0.083,0.746,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,3,0,10,4,0,0,8,0,12,4,0,1,6,25,24,12,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,11,0,1,3,2,2,4,2,1,0,1,6,7,22,3,19,18,6,18,0,0,3,0,19,4,0,0,11,93,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.13575257685871409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726986628190636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393602954816066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183325741371405,0.0,0.0,0.1198320805272323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284772652087232,0.12173724963003173,0.14235917415184246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583414912360785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082326797203459,0.0,0.0,0.07033886093338568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267992072981813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697874254446805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364852897632925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651687226594194,0.06796276195893652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410370395110741,0.0,0.0,0.15452131109564302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110373248157415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729122243775076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426542759751633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964422704048157,0.24293326980487176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212538031760627,0.0,0.0,0.11085370763380167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924917413249295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845568778234605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094447451703472,0.0,0.0,0.1448197854373766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205145811924616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drkmrlnds,2019/02/17,"I’m tired and I can’t fix anything I don’t know why but the only thing I can see myself living for is other people that I care about, yet I’ve managed to fuck up every relationship I’ve had that truly meant something to me.

One of the biggest relationships I have that I can think of was a toxic bond between a friend that I was stuck with due to how manipulative they were and how they pretty much isolated me from everyone else. They stole from me, sexually assaulted me, and her family created a disaster for mine. 

I’ve struggled with trusting since, after that I could just never find myself letting anyone into my personal life, but I have and trying to maintain relationships out of constant fear that they will either end or get bad drives me crazy.

I let someone in, my current boyfriend, and out of fear that he’s cheating or doesn’t love me I push him away, start fights, get paranoid for no reason because I can’t control my mind and I can’t brush off the possibility of something bad happening so I lash out.
One of the last fights I caused had me feeling like my mind was splitting in two because I was so conflicted over whether or not I wanted to fix things or just kill myself to stop the stress, I chose to try and fix things, I got better for a short while, I snapped again. I don’t know how I got better, I thought I found out how I did but nothing works anymore and I really think this is all I can take. 

I see nothing good in the future, I’m destructive, I can’t control myself, I hurt everyone that surrounds me, I have little to nothing left to hold onto. I’ve ruined my entire life, my grades went to shit because I let my mental state fuck me over because I denied that there was anything wrong with me, at the end of last month I dropped out of high school, I couldn’t keep up with my responsibilities and I’ve never had a job, i stopped talking to practically all of my friends many months ago, I can’t provide for myself and I don’t want to spend my life leeching off of others or drugged out of my mind just so I can function. I’m lost and I don’t know how to/if I can fix this.
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suicidewatch,Fedupofloflife,2019/02/17,"Really want to kill myself. Life's been tough. I've had a fucked up shitty life. I'm a 29 yo male. From the UK.  I was raised by good parents. Brought up religious as a Jehovah witness against my will which was not good. Suffered some mild sexual abuse there when I was around 8-9. The dudes dead now so what's the point in mentioning it. Plus the fact it's a guys embarrassing and hard to tell people about. Plus every one thinks I'm mental anyway so no one would fucking believe me. Never spoke to anyone about it till now on or offline.  Got picked on in school. Was then groomed again by a older man online when I was age 12-14 but more serious with blackmail etc. Got forced to sit GCSE s I had no interest in at school. I then Crashed in a vehicle and didn't even get a chance or anything to sit any tests as I was in hospital with several broken bones. Just dashed to the side like usual. Kicked out of home at 16 for nothing.I Started work for my dads company shortly after but getting paid was a chore and rare. That's the only job I ever had that was legal. Then my mum died when I was 18 which was more than hard. Dad lost everything including the house and the will to carry on. I then started drug dealing to feed myself and keep a roof over my head. With the drugs came addicition. I may have partook in some horrible crimes such as kidnap and attempted murder along the way and caused missery untold. Dodged jail somehow several times. Things picked up I seemed to sort myself out at least financially and socially but didn't last long. I have had a major gambling problem since the age of 17 I've lost  hundereds of thousands. I earned all this drug dealing not in a honest way.  This all stopped shortly after and I'd class this as my peak in life. After that its all further downhill. I have been with the same partner for years and she's very sly. Lies constantly and I can't do with it my paranoia is killing me. We had a daughter who I love unconditionally but I know she would be better without me, she's 4 now and I think I'd be best doing it now and not later so I don't ruin her life from my actions.. I'm in very bad health now and all the doctors and nurses etc just seem to fob me off left right and centre. I've been overprescribed antibiotics to the point they don't work. My lungs hurt and burn all the time. Yet I'm getting no proper doctors treatment. It's not like I haven't tried and tried to get help to no avail. I've confined in family friends and my partner but they all just shrug shoulders n come out with some bullshit like aw no u'll be fine or some shit like that. I'm deadly serious about this now. The only way to sort my head out Is to end it all. I'm just gutted cos I know it's gonna fuck my dads head up and I love him to bits. My sister's not so much they'd soon get over it. My daughter's going to be at an age soon when she's going to need a good role model and man in her life and I'm neither. My heads fucked completely I need to end my life before I just kill a load of people or do something as equally crazy. I have no real friends and Everytime I'm with so called friends I feel like there all talking about me but I can't make out what there saying. Laughing etc. I'm really fed up I know people just want to get away from me and don't want to be around me. Worst thing is I've done a lot for a lot of these people and they just take take take. I'm disgusted with the whole world and everyone in it and just fucking hate everything. Part of me wants to go out with a bang but I have a daughter to think about. Ideas how I can do it please as I need to end this shit tonight or I'll just Potter about like some muppet my mind's made up. I can afford anything needed to do it. Thought about a big fat bag of heroin but knowing my luck I'd survive it. Probably to like it and get hooked on another drug knowing my addictive personality. I swear I could write a fucking book on the shit I've missed out on here 😂 ",0.9816900553324786,3.1108433073229342,2.5081235252721794,94.134193677471,82.91356542617045,5.558576534061903,20.85922644920037,6.8039241337230125,0.2974765878765302,3117,94,695,36,87,1014,359,833,0.182,0.706,0.112,-0.9967,3,0,5,0,1,2,60.0,1,0,4,9,47,50,15,1,39,1,54,36,12,7,11,142,123,64,7,12,28,9,3,7,5,6,15,2,2,7,32,52,3,3,13,1,2,7,22,28,0,3,32,5,75,22,115,78,31,106,0,6,0,8,46,51,9,19,50,441,107,12,0.0,0.06428323383647426,0.0,0.05914589455839452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368952206970077,0.05689103673175069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037936316582693114,0.0,0.08929438805758247,0.09659680129011357,0.0,0.0,0.050974303496892685,0.0,0.045300609916908686,0.0,0.0,0.04616695914596937,0.06112673994573992,0.0569372138338615,0.04798408677021798,0.05923234420458825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540036133128982,0.06205319938758279,0.0,0.0557347701255993,0.0,0.046735828036081915,0.0568852739127982,0.05863031733372489,0.0,0.043318156018035466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186892470725708,0.0,0.0,0.056308063519996836,0.0,0.0,0.11106446319525692,0.0,0.05552164206151094,0.0,0.0,0.25167402931559196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416132333112527,0.0,0.1815258042350473,0.035834877166119716,0.04907670073516877,0.045712128204971454,0.05184292164177127,0.0975216860716219,0.0,0.05114673027422192,0.0,0.02743292859786017,0.03875974104382563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575169963874167,0.30094691495126785,0.19842177348268966,0.0,0.0925030006696437,0.13651941245022356,0.0867852659916526,0.0,0.0,0.053720922028619465,0.0,0.0,0.09720354164378964,0.05356552228990319,0.22272489009458368,0.057670465732474085,0.0,0.0,0.03636594363821552,0.0,0.05442212999582375,0.0,0.0,0.06260291807597014,0.05808103699651064,0.061247225012332186,0.0,0.0,0.05383965775779501,0.04822428486367603,0.18007516267366372,0.0,0.14908548477848654,0.0442250186280318,0.0,0.0,0.05894815268083764,0.0,0.22993121811790335,0.18554356723646648,0.0,0.0,0.04801391591857708,0.0,0.0,0.11845135539054362,0.09225122216593312,0.09793440590500488,0.05133733747104476,0.03621559474364133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467622012733071,0.0,0.0547820245634852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988362465152637,0.1609174066231618,0.041844755591072334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352910497025159,0.08252665565467568,0.0,0.0,0.060243691889430614,0.0587528145323409,0.0,0.15045418039034966,0.047373322201742986,0.0,0.05955563330704885,0.10257691291704038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058496003306017175,0.05191465171967518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175400133826699,0.06951420959621736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633342359174729,0.0,0.04314570710977377,0.0,0.1098177946496371,0.0,0.09878332212573156,0.0,0.12258528166577395,0.1670757533368013,0.04488024825877266,0.0,0.0,0.05530608036704394,0.0,0.04176810461855068,0.0,0.0,0.07680385367593591,0.0,0.0,0.045359560464286235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223788916776907,0.04360806683206486,0.047421210248934295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208914467203623,0.10429312737213378,0.0,0.04307236321030886,0.06327298538344152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367108777280224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975415297502953,0.08953201753904573,0.12800388076044147,0.12919514159438525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060573704622173936,0.0,0.0522998275079278,0.0,0.07899648716145206,0.0,0.0,0.0770823075737646,0.0,0.0,0.03493840350388161
suicidewatch,DisastrousApricot1,2019/02/17,Wish i had a gun.. I wouldn't think twice before blowing my fucking head off,0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.0,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.5730249999999999,60,2,13,0,2,19,15,16,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.197,0.4019,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072875747307729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424951718019288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912229546675735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30669332710565045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5504126327751137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rich_Put,2019/02/17,"Goodbye I'm just done. I thought I could go on like this but I can't. I can't come back from this. I don't have anything profound to say. I'm just done with this. I'm sorry, I tried, but I can't.",-3.241367781155013,-1.6921446808510598,-0.16717325227963364,108.22000000000004,102.19148936170212,2.685714285714286,15.224924012158056,3.1291,-1.6402437689969602,148,4,43,0,7,51,26,47,0.042,0.906,0.051,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,14,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,7,1,4,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25547859742499085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872127829679354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674301052033443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478736230408575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354079600818854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764391348867587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167297855984266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468868419862238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475297508265757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464671561140749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077904876655545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throaway1593,2019/02/17,Today I wrote my suicide note My mom and I got into a fight and she told me how I only hurt the people around me and she’s right. So I’ve decided to kill myself. Not for me but for the others that way o won’t hurt them anymore. ,-1.774175824175824,0.11732707692308253,1.3763736263736277,98.42576923076923,95.53846153846158,3.740659340659341,13.197802197802195,5.288315135182226,-1.2165967032967029,176,3,43,1,7,62,40,52,0.267,0.733,0.0,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,1,2,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,4,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,12,0,5,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558775151203454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296844311374468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635491221431204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524120784228034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854508689610669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021792854428119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622894034339144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178872293769965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220339926336878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28222208293984713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445641952834594,0.2465405025168709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047970685468604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icantdothis_,2019/02/17,"[M17] - Probably can’t get worse hi. this is a throwaway account. I’m going to keep this story brief as possible. I’m 17 (in a week 18). I am half black half jewish and have no place in this world. I’ve never been accepted by people of either side but have always been in the middle. My race isn’t the only set back from being fucking depressed and rejection, however. I’ve been an orphan for 3 years. My mother died (unknown) when I was very young, my father died (drugs) in 2016. My aunt committed suicide (drugs) after the loss of my father. My cousin, who I lived with my entire life, moved away and doesn’t have time for me. I live in a foster home and am practically an incel. I met this girl online a year ago and I fell in love with her. She cheated on me during our relationship but I never let it split us. I sent her gifts with the lasts of the money I had. I broke up with her in September bc I was bored for edating/video games. She was heartbroken but I never stopped loving her.  I wanted to get back with her a month ago tho but she found a new love. I lost her to a kid in her school and she lost her virginity to him within a week of dating. She was the last person in my life who I cared about. I’m losing hope. I am on the verge of not graduating high school. Suicide has been on my mind for weeks. If I talk about it I’ll get kicked out of my foster home (I’ve been in a few.) Wrote this on my phone btw so if you need more details ask. Please tell me what to do, I can’t get over her. I think suicides the way out",0.255810989010989,2.2888882338461585,2.3366593406593417,94.84876923076924,85.12307692307692,5.191208791208791,16.67032967032967,6.474141703775902,-0.3869208791208792,1176,24,272,12,35,394,176,325,0.198,0.726,0.076,-0.993,1,0,2,0,0,3,45.0,2,1,0,4,7,16,2,0,19,0,25,9,0,0,4,35,50,16,5,5,8,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,10,13,0,2,3,1,2,5,9,10,0,2,16,1,51,6,46,32,3,55,1,7,1,5,41,26,1,3,22,178,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562414906489468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242713351186383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260916372962234,0.0,0.09307157387184747,0.15234441278626598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099983794170282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532155570286762,0.0,0.2056204689016115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297598633446703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086158610094706,0.0,0.09158079367087034,0.2070222555466081,0.0,0.05629895371836461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466395151995693,0.19873359495646115,0.09839045702287276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805044469867528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149674662935226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129713206848134,0.139940184788785,0.0,0.0,0.17494630215873633,0.0,0.0,0.11082451969760326,0.21627473682153345,0.0,0.26822071127481284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002391197597396,0.0,0.07906997284253123,0.105286735426974,0.0,0.07345287365577581,0.2292070902772392,0.09567424865081303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534076192555411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867679597320192,0.08649671215464723,0.10349822082839147,0.10873981878260576,0.0,0.11167699744290564,0.0,0.0,0.10680509039688377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635501679735873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051112592053613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281987968317597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32507172576628185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962191016138938,0.08658414867885625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634746322666495,0.0,0.0,0.05776357820726556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915883054641327,0.0,0.0,0.0817361416697807,0.058429060461830586,0.07863043625185649,0.23838356636557814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009521681322566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758476250192038
suicidewatch,Silverknight20,2019/02/17,"I want to die. I have been extremely depressed since my father passed and the girl I was in love with left me (girlfriend of over 4 years). I stopped showing up to my college classes because I wasn't doing my homework, and now I got temporarily kicked out of the college because my gpa is too low (thats what happens when you get a GPA of 0.0 in 4 classes). I haven't worked in about two months now, not sure if it's because business is slow or I'm fired, but my chef hasn't sent me a schedule or even a text (I work at a place that usually does wedding events outside, and its winter now). I saw my ex on a dating app and it said ""looking casual"" which has now even crushed me further because we've really only been with each other.",7.151616541353384,4.96343160526316,7.473308270676693,80.15815789473686,65.1842105263158,10.001503759398496,37.50375939849624,7.957251820313856,2.8154312030075186,572,24,122,5,7,188,101,152,0.108,0.85,0.042,-0.8062,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,0,7,0,11,1,0,0,1,16,21,9,1,2,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,8,8,0,1,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,8,4,19,3,16,13,1,28,0,2,2,1,9,12,0,3,14,80,27,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817926522804798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701827525214445,0.0,0.20506574853305345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291109595025922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26101078425652724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323187672765184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580296357190316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472692679370258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146805679055853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592464138895255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783314058289146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771331768726252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502750170918732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643800920587252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265803024771884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879519848076487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344731337219673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651928984635712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622489620263227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930153297579009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761590333205794,0.0,0.116542862524271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876936757999491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272405659009909
suicidewatch,MyWayToContribute,2019/02/17,"My Contribution to Humanity Just hear me out please


Life on earth has been around for (at least) 3.9 billion years. Let that sink in. 

Every single individual in my ancestral lineage has managed to reproduce and pass on genetic information to their progeny, allowing each generation to be more suitable than the last. Against all odds, each of my ancestors—no matter their form of life—has done their single, most basic, fundamental duty: procreate. 

But then there is me, the terminus.

I will be the first individual in my direct ancestral lineage who will fail to do what all those before me have done. I will not give rise to the next generation. I will usher in the end of 4 billion years of continuity.

So because of this and after much thought, I have realized there is only one remaining way for me to contribute to humanity... I will need to remove my unsuitable genes from the gene pool so that I don’t compromise the viability of future generations. 

My genes are a threat to the welfare of our species. I did not choose for things to be this way. Unfortunately, I have failed by convention but I do hope to make it up to all of you by taking one for the team. Please just know I’m trying to help you all and I just want to do my part in the grand play that is Life. 

Note: I am really not interested in hearing anyone tell me that reproduction is not all important or that I’m thinking about biology too much. I really don’t think anything I’ve said is necessarily incorrect.",5.7098613972654055,6.847972362989327,7.0590335268776965,70.79450271586441,67.36298932384341,11.04034463382656,31.87132421801835,10.992663274268294,3.755451245551601,1178,48,218,36,19,402,157,281,0.048,0.875,0.077,0.8445,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,2,3,4,10,7,1,0,11,0,30,2,0,2,5,37,45,9,0,3,10,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,0,2,12,7,0,1,7,3,0,3,6,3,0,5,6,3,30,4,46,30,16,27,1,2,0,0,17,12,0,3,10,169,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012691690537243,0.0,0.11918353301434613,0.12893025313322445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828760400409867,0.0,0.1232404727606703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964246960461425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827723527669854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220263234809325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231931336966369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893504619890595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32647001756170124,0.0,0.09707713415109892,0.0,0.0,0.14384981436698344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959530350596415,0.1180565561256796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809946091185866,0.30689515345479684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667578502200028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293482821436224,0.10739031568527553,0.0,0.0,0.15402936041375376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962824025197661,0.11015046525028956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683780723118793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31796178652856394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855648327873484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377674012082842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108894851392165,0.0,0.12658863564056155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621924894602626,0.1856036519161088,0.0,0.11497959803187965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833070938467534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542504786940544,0.22992013657981145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653276910473546
suicidewatch,AlsoNamedB0RT,2019/02/17,Does it really get better? I can’t do this anymore. I really can’t.  Does anyone really come back from this with a meaningful and joyful existence? I just don’t see how it wouldn’t be better for myself and everyone else if I was gone.  Idk - I’m grasping at straws here.,0.5678441558441527,2.9907887454545445,3.350649350649352,85.0345454545455,88.81818181818181,7.506493506493506,16.948051948051948,8.418075326091056,1.2316233766233773,211,5,42,6,7,74,39,55,0.026,0.736,0.238,0.9103,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,4,8,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254287923574335,0.17928649634130714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716199191483236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535442326572303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208728631820197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487688899898367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419605527185626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450089154277683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339626426980799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927847590556591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043240482155868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,God737,2019/02/17,"I finally attempted suicide... and failed I've had a deathwish since about third grade, and I've been thinking about suicide since about 6th grade (I am in 11th now), and I had almost attempted suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning but this was different, it was finally a real attempt.

No matter what the counselors may think, I don't really believe that I attempted suicide due to depression, because it was during a relatively happy portion of my life (about 16 days ago). I had just gotten home from the gym, and then I went to go eat with my family. I had been planning a real attempt at suicide for a few days and decided on hanging, thinking ""Hey, I'll conscious for 15 seconds then I'll be dead"". After I went to eat, I wasn't planning on hanging myself right then, but something pushed me to do it. I drove straight to the woods, tied my noose, and went in search of a tree to hang myself on. 

Because I knew I wouldn't have the willpower to actually strangle myself for 15 seconds, I recalled the ""passout game"", in which you kneel down and breath heavily and stand quickly to induce fainting and  used this technique to begin the hanging. I don't know how long the first state of unconsciousness lasted, but I awoke to my body shaking, and the most pain I had felt throughout my entire body (like a basketball hitting your fingertips throughout your whole body). I couldn't control my body's movements initially and felt powerless to stop the pain. I thought that I was already dead, and I was in hell or something. But, I was thinking, so I was alive and I regained control over my body. I started looking for something to put my feet on to save myself, but couldn't find anything, and eventually pulled myself up by the line. It took a few seconds for the blood to come back to my head and the pain to stop, and once it did my whole face felt wet, like I was sweating.

I walked back to my car, with a huge headache as well as a feeling of nausea, and upon seeing the marks on my neck, my mom drove me to the ER, where I was put on suicide watch, before they sent me to the psych ward in a hospital in a biger city.

As for the psych ward itself, I  may as well have been in jail. I was forced to keep a camera in my room, being constantly monitered for a week, and had to wear purple scrubs for the first 2/3 of my 15 day stay. The worst part was that, when I explained to them WHY I did it, they didn't believe me! I tried to explain to them that I was simply apathetic, and it didn't really make a difference WHEN I died, or WHAT I did when I was alive, because death will wipe it all away, but they saw this as a facade and essentially forced me to fit in to their agenda. The whole time, I was wishing to be free, and they saw this as some sort of neurotic condition, but of course if you put an animal in a cage they'll try to get out. So, 15 days I stayed, no contact with friends, no choice in music, and being constantly monitored and stuck. The only thing I learned is that, if I'm going to  try to kill myself, I better make sure I'm successful.

Tl;dr I tried to hang myself, survived, and was sent to the psych ward",9.017499999999998,5.995809083333337,8.69019230769231,75.50480769230772,62.33333333333334,11.651282051282053,38.74358974358975,9.466822959209583,3.437880128205128,2444,92,497,32,26,789,275,624,0.17600000000000002,0.731,0.094,-0.9965,3,0,3,0,0,11,84.0,0,4,8,15,19,21,3,1,39,0,48,21,13,7,2,84,89,50,11,6,12,1,5,2,1,5,6,0,2,0,22,29,2,5,18,2,1,25,11,10,3,6,47,11,81,12,88,30,11,90,1,2,6,0,21,30,1,10,33,348,103,8,0.0,0.0,0.06285159660693593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570926064049149,0.0,0.06449395335260702,0.0,0.07107433643032733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300118259929868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060512164902651176,0.09904947176689556,0.0,0.11778508245377875,0.0,0.05480531274086276,0.1451284711632624,0.0,0.05696244523516743,0.0,0.3577063263508428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055480623352778764,0.0,0.1392014088435519,0.144475062220396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614783609422534,0.0,0.05547335060167473,0.0,0.06684393098728088,0.13458247551550326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318081578378404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071685465547956,0.0,0.03256593587742816,0.0,0.1855214440139734,0.14110866702068164,0.058866508444663776,0.1095685219072894,0.0,0.0,0.049760415629756534,0.0,0.0336498147205622,0.0,0.07320756337360908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856207326510604,0.0,0.0,0.06609980104068452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460511824083195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724758707416326,0.07125641215967259,0.0,0.03539620875862445,0.05250001346669531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454923194385127,0.06293166874293618,0.0,0.0,0.0569978557502816,0.05408536217009818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859838738672869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543228643162816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859097694626398,0.0,0.04898415724448753,0.2055996399335032,0.0,0.0,0.06974612221415866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423940811863655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661772917044552,0.08252109446517852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500292454332625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132375882510312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655568775637417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875015023028196,0.0,0.0,0.04558735617722205,0.13729783204335078,0.0,0.10769368149950236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227025085413049,0.0,0.060702502484835365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04278891432377541,0.16507671483640696,0.0,0.05113168334880687,0.03755603375374464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155815453724322,0.1749115419355264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562666369025498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166312719663199,0.0,0.11581862098649415,0.1791168208253325,0.05811698101698234,0.21572316352012028,0.0740644653736415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idcnymore,2019/02/17,"Im ready. Theres no hope for me. Im completely broken. Everyone in my age group is getting laid, confident and have things going for them but i don't. I'ts not like I haven't tried in life. I have. but i always end up getting hurt, made fun of, outcasted and being the failure. I honestly was not meant to be born. Im a mistake who doesn't fit in. Ive never been accepted for who I am. Ive been made fun of for my appearance all through school and those scars are deep they wont go away and even if they did, they'd just come back because im just the person everyone shits on and who always finishes last. I accept who i am now. I get it. Im just a born loser. I accept it now. If I'm undesirable. Im undesirable. Fine. No women owes me anything. but im not gonna be able to live on with everyone happy in relationships while i just watch. I can only do it for so long. One day i know for a fact im gonna take my own life and i know it's gonna be soon. If i don't write a suicide note when i do, This post can be it. Who ever is reading this. I just want to let you know how lucky you are. I wish i was as strong as you, i bet you have things/qualities that make you an awesome person. i wish i was in your shoes. I wish i was someone included in being normal but its okay i guess. The peace of no longer existing will soothe my soul sooner or later. So I guess in the end everyone gets what they want. Peace. ",-0.975602226720646,1.0054844391025668,1.9082591093117431,96.00516194331983,90.82692307692308,5.46369770580297,17.18488529014845,6.950104931194217,-0.07178333333333375,1083,28,266,17,38,378,159,312,0.124,0.639,0.237,0.9909,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,6,5,2,16,17,1,0,9,1,36,4,2,4,4,53,65,21,1,11,16,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,17,8,0,0,7,1,2,4,12,4,0,1,10,1,45,13,27,42,2,36,1,2,1,0,22,13,1,10,19,172,62,2,0.08013565621310463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335857100575427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594481706296537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529008691670455,0.061619373149022064,0.0,0.04884995223523881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902977213166356,0.08402071089477857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168086880002101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419528117637966,0.0,0.0,0.05292884515138202,0.07248728889765398,0.0,0.3062922145988947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747029157643864,0.0,0.09108588030565898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655691978500246,0.0,0.0,0.08530589615532227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959278813987168,0.0,0.0,0.08578687738119235,0.0,0.6924820804624034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321213827787821,0.06532125537723855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194413783471856,0.11320436775244333,0.0391502338173769,0.0,0.07076125258945218,0.07091753402655859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165259101589365,0.05349117278581585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180555827804773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851592867799742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430199457708333,0.0609467776010342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994272805786162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674780711078871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015734205975633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603570484073261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110156232616306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225809952242874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789868145933002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765540135382363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025204046678779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532385691982957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054406850326072315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453217255549752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764561494895258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,th_aw_acct,2019/02/17,"Preparing to kill myself and honestly surprised no ones noticed Life-long mental illness, long history of abuse, best friend who was a brother to me killed himself a few years ago, life is just such a slog of miseries with little mirages of happiness here and there.

I've been telling people for the last few years that while I was very depressed I wasn't suicidal, and that if I did become suicidal I'd start cutting ties with people and rehoming pets.

I've now gone pretty radio silent with friends, broke up with my bf of 4 years, gave away my fish tank, my cat, and my 8 yr old dog I had since a puppy. Next up is moving away from my family. I'm thinking maybe I'll buy an rv and take it out somewhere rural to do the deed. ",9.21142857142857,5.9509701088435385,8.815340136054424,75.49811224489797,62.19727891156462,11.97687074829932,38.10544217687074,9.725611199111238,3.4364340136054423,574,20,117,8,6,185,104,147,0.174,0.653,0.173,-0.0642,0,0,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,3,0,7,0,9,2,0,0,0,14,15,8,4,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,4,11,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,5,0,1,8,0,12,6,18,7,3,19,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,11,68,16,0,0.0,0.17262445881677474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914960833541853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27377003394376065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090840868008302,0.0,0.0,0.1528976552363253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548667777484565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734804717968996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512681041787072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550947743750308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223793167381701,0.0,0.0,0.11876066979216073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058170263268232,0.0,0.14602441847809675,0.0,0.2578705443538429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463699626828202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682604384274056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485046578969094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494802330945276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658744426157712,0.15288213539277426,0.0,0.09872653563960522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201279491223248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822394260616434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052020573422433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312349647481864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187328264149735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954432276072693,0.0,0.1273436363902093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933553152014803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021343009724535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814679335573917
suicidewatch,allyisntfaire,2019/02/17,"Don't Text The Hotline When I cry, I can't speak, I honestly don't know why. Its like tears mess with my vocal chords. So I was pretty relieved to see that the hotline has a directed messaging part now, and I signed into it.

I waited TWO HOURS for my turn. The one thing keeping me from doing something bad was the thought that someone would help. When my turn came up, it asked me all the basic questions like name, age, etc, so the person would know some things. 

As soon as it went through, it said ""all lines are busy."" Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't I in line for again, TWO HOURS, to have contact with someone who wasn't busy? What was even the point of having me wait if no one would answer? In a twisted turn of events the anger that took over me from having them waste my time subsided the suicidal thoughts a little. 

Let me know if any of you have also had such a bad experience with the hotline. It could be different for calling them, but Ill never know since I won't be able to speak.",4.401889140271496,4.7666925147058805,4.701568627450982,89.30436651583712,69.93137254901961,7.64947209653092,26.96681749622926,7.321109707123232,1.1339989441930616,779,23,171,7,13,245,122,204,0.17600000000000002,0.78,0.044,-0.984,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,2,0,10,9,1,0,14,0,24,1,0,0,4,33,43,13,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,4,1,3,0,1,13,6,0,3,8,0,0,3,8,5,0,4,12,4,21,4,22,23,5,21,0,0,1,0,15,7,0,5,13,121,34,0,0.12054696789268556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640136667136072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197607189869355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269514233515428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130336588035944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309193217743085,0.13787361719055966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962469448662574,0.0,0.13241518378058253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594592433361965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444173435221538,0.0796201353875877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117918065748636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808000915574404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23742896207352904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714768386162284,0.0,0.0,0.26499784391302444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326744197722367,0.0,0.1177863188996434,0.12081973065323523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297325312368188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337149044826788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054061901151334,0.0,0.0,0.10525696265058576,0.0,0.0,0.11395584888201128,0.0,0.0,0.12263960376410316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504019250944144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466777144382748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606032614192414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971769753882373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042781094115517,0.09280294527578632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185881730998894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601720980416698,0.0,0.0,0.19140165455962635,0.07029190639126134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339321168269476,0.0,0.3933614554020299,0.23551374294328056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174824694491096,0.10877488864172492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568993219884689,0.13179918561060025,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anacounttocallmyown,2019/02/17,I’m going to do it Tonight is the night I’m going to kill my self. I’m just causing problems with my family and I can tel my friend has had enough of me.,-2.2608333333333306,-0.4739743055555561,0.9846666666666692,100.82700000000004,97.61111111111113,3.9911111111111115,15.533333333333335,5.6839178017228535,-0.8686599999999998,119,3,31,1,5,42,27,36,0.187,0.732,0.081,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,10,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34225263535328043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34424891381565803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140786834969948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574027577669779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786911436185683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685981470683686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126531540162777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187942880981872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475641677151044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Howdydooey,2019/02/17,"No longer happy unless on drugs I'm 18 and I've had a shitty life after seeing the doctor for a wreck I was passenger to a few months ago and being crippled temporarily I got a bunch of painkillers. I don't have an addictive personality and I only do these on the weekend, but I'm going to jump off a tower soon. These pills are all I have nothing matters when I'm in that state of mind. A normal life as a productive citizen no longer intrest me.",2.361532258064514,4.0986461612903256,4.677083333333336,82.23562500000001,76.63440860215053,7.230645161290322,24.528225806451612,8.07648339933343,1.4941838709677415,355,12,71,6,8,124,65,93,0.119,0.853,0.029,-0.6609,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,0,8,6,0,0,1,9,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,12,10,3,13,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,6,50,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916531643751383,0.0,0.0,0.2371540620360448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738339015951645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102562214544945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204657940014787,0.0,0.2139725642547675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847964946829448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779364448618289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701345703553885,0.0,0.21354426876405344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621279685469273,0.25670750981256363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347278916561287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23360166297696755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319114068829226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avocadontbothermepls,2019/02/17,"I want to fucking kill myself I hate my job, I'm broke, I don't have any friends or family, my dad is threatening to sue me for something that's not my fault. I just want to end my fucking life. There is absolutely no fucking hope left for me. ",0.8890384615384583,2.725262134615388,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,81.5,6.467692307692308,23.861538461538462,7.554174236665415,0.9592646153846154,189,7,44,3,5,64,37,52,0.318,0.551,0.131,-0.9311,1,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,6,12,1,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,11,2,5,12,0,2,0,1,0,3,2,1,3,2,1,26,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914820894568776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728083451785684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206223560340641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081075173877414,0.6490700095759141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310558596108302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324442797890844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23223834796296006,0.0,0.258919168695484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542739342001853,0.0,0.1653020854411657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801674828208187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760735398280709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScuffedPandaz,2019/02/17,"Close to killing myself My parents hate me, I have no friends and when I try to tell them I want to kill myself they don’t take me seriously or they just say bullshit like “Just be happy, life is easy for you.” and I wish they just had an abortion or dropped me as a baby since I really don’t see the point in life anymore. 

I have nothing to loose. Whenever I break down they tell me I am just being a spoiled fuck and it’s always about me when 99% of the time I am on the computer that I saved up for. I go on it because it somewhat stops me from thinking about killing myself. I also cant talk or socialize it is impossible for me, people make fun of me and I just really want to die. 
I just really don’t see a point in living. Literally killing myself seems fine. I try to get help but my parents say I am fine. They say I am just trying to victimize myself.

I can also never get any sleep at all so I just feel like I am in a cycle of hell. I am constantly stressed, worried and I also get really paranoid too. I’m just seeing if anyone can somewhat help.",0.8699030303030284,2.761140493333336,3.240414141414142,90.0463181818182,81.84444444444446,6.224242424242424,22.227272727272727,7.348242739294969,0.7783333333333333,821,27,182,12,22,283,116,225,0.184,0.6890000000000001,0.128,-0.9531,2,0,0,0,0,6,18.0,0,1,6,0,18,18,8,1,8,0,19,4,1,1,2,33,37,17,5,4,14,2,1,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,1,7,44,8,25,34,3,20,1,0,3,1,19,11,2,7,8,132,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202961588107603,0.08741149798980809,0.0,0.0,0.07143881401080132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418313930099897,0.07345464841807245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403859113680141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135236558088384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902716398277792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311733733667754,0.07504901391635395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116274603522299,0.09711867950271634,0.16465566043207067,0.0,0.059703348522641725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182957516810796,0.0,0.10371688560112552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082798990322676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648969274314704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840236048724942,0.10264598844510696,0.0,0.09276264797726892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012288009951856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102241036982054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080001791019608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23329514332256576,0.0,0.0,0.0728296782550853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861577909674705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26919544573179843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506241800984498,0.0,0.0,0.2511380070107703,0.09563519669204136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689991948949312,0.0,0.1051276489517974,0.1070870620738181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782799350167997,0.1203364611319594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898586606656431,0.08443664292917849,0.1836397752956374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731293997966642,0.0,0.0,0.061256538778238334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139697922094885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392452542027488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208043646195092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668518376424604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cloudydays__,2019/02/17,"What can I do? Hi everyone , English is not my first language so I’m sorry if this is not well written. My entire life I’ve felt something is missing, I feel empty and alone. I discovered I was adopted when I was a teenager and my adoptive mom has never really been a good one either, I don’t have a best friend and I feel my relationship with my boyfriend is going nowhere. I’ve always thought that my whole existence is a mistake and that I shouldn’t be alive. When I was younger I tried to kill myself twice but I always got too scared. I don’t know what is the purpose of me being here and I don’t know what I’m waiting for, lately I’ve had too many horrible thoughts and I have no one to tell this to. I’m a teacher and I love my job, but I still think that’s not the reason why I’m here still. Everyday I wake up thinking , why am I alive? And every time I close my eyes I think about what would happen if I died? But I see nothing. I’m just tired, alone and empty I know a psychologist wouldn’t help and I’m thinking about starting a blog or something, just to free myself from my thoughts, has this or something else worked out for you? Thanks for reading.",1.0545901639344244,3.144860393442628,2.5795147540983616,93.95237049180332,82.36065573770493,5.215475409836066,22.874754098360647,6.360717304075467,0.3985523278688521,912,32,201,8,25,297,126,244,0.14800000000000002,0.732,0.121,-0.3513,1,2,3,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,3,14,11,1,1,9,0,26,5,2,1,1,46,55,20,2,6,13,1,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,10,13,0,1,14,2,1,1,10,4,1,4,11,5,36,8,14,39,3,14,0,1,2,1,8,3,0,4,10,136,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508154778888506,0.0,0.0,0.20150515520048065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707143602269613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256673098199249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011511385190595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201949451915016,0.11570208756358465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244862003293293,0.0,0.11626077061795413,0.0,0.0,0.10299500033634004,0.0,0.0,0.09355011704656813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881550360483485,0.10156051210867688,0.09684288738951656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707523318906843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811608501587805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201583668322169,0.0,0.13396282192364972,0.0,0.19963576050160167,0.0,0.1365893678609755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552605026168171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092841110094637,0.0,0.0,0.12276137708582308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181351050752053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338836281121353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618450501542472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410091623550307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111795687666953,0.0,0.07757027296021933,0.12449574152071402,0.0,0.13000017866093147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212273981763492,0.0,0.09648921908295004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796518837036401,0.0,0.13554495626008856,0.08570472035351002,0.0,0.1933975775012132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583379267291414,0.11147897418770394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103460009159168,0.0,0.28838434535955737,0.0706057477415179,0.13916961298476002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822088954331362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887012711143276,0.0,0.21852109986318768,0.13518728988064085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881514600771026,0.0,0.0,0.08601544452036561,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whaeverwhever,2019/02/17,"I want to be gone I just don’t want to exist. I feel like people around don’t have much good to say about me and I don’t like it to be that way. I have tried to change myself but it’s just too hard. I don’t want to be judged anymore. I want to be dead. I’m just a bit too scared..

My life as been a mess, a VERY big mess. I’m too tired to get into details right now but trust me I know very few people going through worse life than I am. I’m tired of everything and I don’t have much friends or any people for that matter. I’m not important. No one really truly cares about me. I just exist without a purpose.",-1.6236231884057943,0.2803498260869617,0.9101449275362334,102.19246376811596,94.21739130434784,3.936231884057971,13.46376811594203,5.46131890053228,-1.2877710144927534,468,8,121,3,18,158,74,138,0.184,0.608,0.208,-0.3289,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,0,14,4,0,0,0,20,28,6,1,4,9,0,2,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,3,0,1,2,3,16,6,18,22,4,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,75,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824635013395434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578615873035821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170197354474254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378091115592015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622923572949411,0.0,0.16838898703455374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430587265333598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048506928824459,0.11371663919797677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298035944204799,0.0,0.08316382122456371,0.0,0.09046440170989188,0.13351077132299266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259202688395115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747994607622013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486394961119155,0.1555324477166562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340279698606316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786298457203228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33106149486263464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197336306823476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593695601403086,0.0,0.12658456109900418,0.15936472847522348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659028886036945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807126520930116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626766810346493,0.3755487196861636,0.12634791416011093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344170148378355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622157586992949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-account187,2019/02/17,I keep making plans for the future i know i’m not going to be there for and i feel terrible about it I’m killing myself by my 19th birthday but i’ve been making plans to travel with my only friend knowing that i’m not going to be alive to actually do them. I feel so bad about it but she seems so excited and i don’t want to be all depressed while she’s planning her future with me. I cant tell her that i’m committing suicide but i don’t want to ruin her plans by her relating said plans to me after i die. i figure i’m just gonna tell her soon that i won’t have the money or something along those lines. ,0.90677777777778,2.4317979925925925,3.2197222222222237,92.01625000000004,80.18518518518519,5.981481481481483,20.13888888888889,6.816661863887847,0.18688888888888888,479,12,111,5,12,165,75,135,0.217,0.674,0.109,-0.9683,0,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,5,7,7,1,0,2,0,10,0,0,2,2,25,29,9,3,2,7,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,1,1,3,6,5,0,0,2,3,23,2,17,22,1,8,0,2,0,0,12,0,0,2,5,73,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.21857474401019897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870161462897429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291591720378065,0.0,0.23245861510172056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265047025734874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304842987735472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25458898879000336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19908605931191195,0.24780360225832224,0.0,0.2461899994914091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990202991513741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034888862453604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305877947220087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039053806950739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243277690776848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450006512289852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915413946707647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26422152520527376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rieszs,2019/02/17,"Nothing more to hold onto. I'm tired. I don't want to do it anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night. There's nothing I can look forward to. No one I can count on. I'm a complete failure and I know I have no future ahead of me. My health is declining too, because of all the physical symptoms that accompany mental health issues, and because I've been underweight since I picked up horrible eating habits from when I lived alone with 40e/month when I was in college. If I died, the only people who'd know would be my family, and that's not saying much. My mother would probably feel relieved since she the sight of me disgusts her. I haven't seen my father for several years but he only ever cared for my brother so I doubt it'd even faze him. I'm not good at anything and I don't have the motivation to try anything anymore. I just feel completely empty like I just live because I'm technically alive but there's nothing more to that. I tried, though. To turn my life around. But that went horribly wrong and it's just been getting worse from there. I don't think I'm fit for ""living"". I just want to get it over with. It's just not worth it.",1.7570786308973183,3.8720392425531927,3.307974098057357,89.54434782608698,79.97872340425532,6.129509713228493,22.98334875115633,7.255503002510835,0.8611776133209985,902,30,188,12,23,297,133,235,0.212,0.735,0.053,-0.9842,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,16,7,1,1,5,0,18,7,1,2,2,35,37,13,1,5,12,3,2,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,11,8,1,1,6,0,1,2,9,3,0,1,5,6,30,4,26,27,4,17,0,0,3,0,9,9,0,2,9,122,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824889496326453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645806460825185,0.0,0.0,0.18790946015439666,0.1016382618096985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087965793656039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640708091654067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23941663847443104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541378513072907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184936483528945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682758086034585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541025331449004,0.10327610213709676,0.09619575787859773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076322340469352,0.0,0.11545869601466585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930146099268325,0.0,0.0,0.0957629762711557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24272132478591124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191670494362514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549309568487738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064383441677582,0.055779207746663236,0.0,0.3024508073448041,0.0,0.09587664566349373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505962727225648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113187619233544,0.0,0.08393036270583977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714371658054432,0.0,0.32865649549784565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736664487630518,0.17366756914687267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915324924140656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309790840758328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079502875084487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898310073996982,0.0,0.18889033018430865,0.0,0.11425555074539533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866956315421097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315751000191119,0.11217448742695653,0.0,0.0,0.1312251786566845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503207573859298,0.12418754314522268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468450064214213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058396041220452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635213921090465,0.1622105836516935,0.12483035761187974,0.0,0.07352373070564294
suicidewatch,Pro7otype_,2019/02/17,Work college and adderall So as you can see in the title I’m a full time student clocking 60 hours plus a week working cause I need to pay bills that’s fine and all but going to college adds more unwanted stress to my life often I stay up 4 days at a time trying to finish all my assignments this is my final semester before my business management degree so no way I’ll drop my parents and I always fight cause they think I’m lazy and How I’m not a real man  when I say I need less hours and we get into real heated arguments I plan on moving out once done to top it off I’m heavily into adderall I take close to 100mg daily so that fucks mentally and psychically I’m a 6 foot male and I look anorexic only thing I manage to eat is sweets on adderall but I haven’t broke the 130s range so technically I’m underweight. My gf and I don’t get along at all I usually just get angry and we don’t speak I don’t have any time to see my buds or do whatever I wanna my job is fucking cancer too I get paid good and promoted to manager in my 3rd week having the knowledge from school paid off but that added all the extra stuff like dealing with bosses always getting shit on when the other workers fuck up having to do all the paper work getting calls at 2 am about bs I said fuck it today and didn’t show my shift is at 2-12 m-f I’m up at 7-1 hour break then work so without addy I can’t do anything it’s all the side effects getting to me I wanna grab my glock and just empty the clip inside me better yet empty it on the bosses then myself I expect coming home with a hello how are you a meal not arguing going to my room doing assignments till 5am then up at 8 getting questioned why my work is late by my professors going to work to deal with retarded coworkers who fuck me over I take more shit go home exhausted and more bitching adderall doesn’t help weed doesn’t help alcohol makes it worse I dunno what to do ,1.4032246469833112,3.2267500926829267,3.6700898587933253,87.96709884467268,79.78048780487805,6.364569961489089,22.00898587933248,7.3759095455046575,0.8230731707317074,1518,46,320,21,38,523,219,410,0.202,0.7240000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9959,2,0,1,0,1,0,4.0,2,2,1,12,15,18,10,1,16,0,25,14,3,8,6,62,62,32,0,6,9,1,1,1,2,0,4,4,3,2,14,26,3,0,4,1,4,6,12,13,0,0,5,9,44,5,50,57,12,59,0,1,3,5,23,27,8,4,23,198,58,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889082837009875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384197159243295,0.0,0.0,0.05656315569891676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684475154142412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707774299485565,0.0,0.0,0.07356322363113807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493293181499081,0.0,0.0,0.17089121143071445,0.0,0.0716495488570718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536422302973896,0.171503497920536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511886432053434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511075105188028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111624672605834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384478596548003,0.3476520483227888,0.0,0.1890854345774712,0.06976485153060219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150346810708964,0.0,0.16686645881319387,0.0,0.24573752507549565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825402555398601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382718510992656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875031618706534,0.04063604013227285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984766149107773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552123785993756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382276873983509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840389922272479,0.0,0.12334925978949347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858070181757398,0.0,0.06325979334072519,0.0,0.0,0.09235812280954307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317718277551383,0.0,0.0,0.18934708218242485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912029522273782,0.06614562273611553,0.0,0.08417948043041347,0.13256246751537684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075981967261053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865552629436521,0.0,0.0,0.09527887719740878,0.0,0.09521766986146414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507737991454795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525904761177948,0.053296409764669934,0.0,0.0,0.14550338727486511,0.0,0.07884199152835834,0.0,0.0,0.05647166664786391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916076227362858,0.0,0.0,0.0660219650087767,0.13343901104524272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505423009262625,0.0,0.0,0.0801795796439654,0.0,0.3633227164847735,0.0,0.08476438424733555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IrishSailor03,2019/02/17,"I don’t want to kill myself, but I want someone to kill me. I don’t know why it’s happening. I had one outburst with my parents and feel like an a-hole. So I said stuff along the lines of I don’t deserve parents like this because they need a child that actually matters. I then said that they should kill me and make a new one. And now I’m hoping I do get killed or taken away or something. 

I’m trying to talk myself out of doing stupid stuff now but I can’t shake this feeling like I deserve to be killed. ",1.6371111111111103,2.9458821454545467,3.2293939393939404,93.67853535353537,77.54545454545455,5.616161616161616,23.131313131313128,5.82211442006289,0.2003737373737371,396,12,92,2,9,131,65,110,0.272,0.58,0.14800000000000002,-0.9749,2,0,1,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,2,0,3,11,6,1,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,20,24,9,5,5,4,2,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,4,4,17,4,10,18,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,7,60,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.12339368112598592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880078125838447,0.0,0.0,0.07708069850419495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787044161691907,0.1806670106894094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660631508463438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181634672925128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559004512786542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6994723662471102,0.0,0.06949176683522061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532632466336826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440411450730076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375858184148657,0.0,0.12212295347745905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713670323367565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808080609788042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405594224926351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713782828683256,0.0973448015953418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895023028982019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163302003985114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858489688250222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916300954825726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409842566868247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PoweredbyPosies,2019/02/17,I want to die but I don't want to die The pain I feel is too great. I have fucked everything up. I always mess things up and make people run the other direction. I can't keep something going with anyone. All I want to do is die because I am so mad at myself for messing everything up. I have tried to smooth things over but he won't let me and it just makes things worse when I keep trying. I fucked everything up.,0.7467297979797962,2.7549500113636403,2.436969696969701,95.00601010101013,82.97727272727273,5.729292929292932,17.732323232323235,6.937597516519254,-0.07867828282828304,323,7,74,4,9,106,54,88,0.378,0.537,0.085,-0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,0,10,3,0,2,1,15,21,6,3,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,2,13,1,12,19,1,9,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,0,1,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853260795262852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801001864215964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416435271919127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809508833501265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41648689485905893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781053986304952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856127041514627,0.0,0.0,0.08778967602196447,0.0,0.0,0.17030530186833756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746026170346081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795750753615334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206221764038216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643684973539365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070910429148396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189196570695918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078718716517214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097519285084916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27333376285492106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574195886193662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kingster57,2019/02/17,"I want to kill myself I want to kill myself in this 3rd world country.
I've had it.
I wish I could cut & bleed myself to death.
I do tobacco to cope & can't stop because I'm depressed inside & I'm done. I can't fix myself. ",-0.19788461538461632,1.3683734423076963,2.5352307692307683,95.40976923076923,83.80769230769229,4.929230769230768,18.092307692307692,5.6839178017228535,-0.4703507692307687,177,4,43,1,5,62,31,52,0.32299999999999995,0.5529999999999999,0.124,-0.9383,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,10,0,5,8,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,23,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6982189914933871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094231062954936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150323490876146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501006803633704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981871105111095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752968233827327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795854687449241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253393514975002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470135953431784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guagdiggly,2019/02/17,"Incoherent ramblings NSFW I'm.... Bisexual.. 

I went to church 2-3 times a week. They would always have such horrible sermons and lessons on how any homosexual activity was 1000% abporant. Being also attracted to women I pushed everything down having to do with it. Because I was so insecure I desperately wanted a girl to have sex with. Masterbating all the time I began to develop immense shame around sex. I can't be interested in boys and I couldn't get any expression with women because I was awkward and a bit feminine. 

I would subconsciously flirt with boys and get called gay (when I knew I was attracted to women. 

I was also heavily bullied by the soccer team. Irl teabaggings, assault, verbal abuse. The worst of it came to a head when for months (2-3) they would attempt to  convince me to kill myself. Every day. In the halls they would berate me and say ""kill yourself"" or ""why are you even here, just end it"". It felt like it would never end. One of the main boys to do this was in my study hall. He would be so nice to me in study hall. We would sit by each other and hang out so much that we got separate all the time. Looking back I think they were bullying me because of how flirty I can get and definitely was with him. 

So with the background of what constantly haunts me, I came out to myself and my wife about 8-9 months ago. She has been super supportive! But I've been a wreck of self harm, substance abuse, suicide attempts and only getting worse. The more I learn and accept myself the more I want to die. I still live near my small town and visit the homophobic parents all the time as they are an hour away. I've always had a good relationship with them and my church until I went to college and met more than one extremely bullied gay kid. Once I got there it became apparent that there was real well adjusted LGBT people. I was still doing mental gymnastics but in reality I was on Grindr flirting with guys. I would never do anything to convince myself I didn't want it. I would never think about it and actively suppress the memories themselves. It feels so strange to remember all this. It even morphs old memories. Like how much I was obsessed with Lance from NSYNC. Or more specifically the bullying. I forgot to mention I was sent to a phycologist for suicidal behavior and self harm. 

Anyways right now it feels uncontrollable. When I was in the shower yesterday I tried to suffocate myself and it's not the first time. I keep getting more extreme and somewhat ceremonially. A wave comes over me and I'm convinced this is the end. Last time I almost passed out. 

I started taking an ssri a month ago and am going to my phycologist tomorrow. No one really cares. The doctor said he needed to see me a week after I started. They gave me an appointment a month out cuz they are so booked. They called this last Wednesday saying they could get me in on Friday. I just saw my therapist after two months and they won't even give me but every other week now. 

I just don't know how long it will be until I'm successful. 

Anyways I'll probably delete this soon cuz this is my only account. ",3.296831039177132,5.539251504159733,4.61439842686432,81.44232067765847,75.55574043261231,7.698696112539707,25.902314324610497,8.575989854853784,2.001291247920133,2458,90,460,50,55,812,290,601,0.123,0.797,0.08,-0.9808,4,0,0,0,2,3,68.0,2,1,11,7,38,29,3,5,31,0,52,6,1,6,7,95,96,45,5,15,9,2,3,2,0,11,1,3,1,11,24,40,0,3,12,3,1,11,10,11,1,5,33,9,74,18,67,46,16,86,2,0,3,4,45,25,0,4,51,334,98,6,0.0,0.15974507412981628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951385046354368,0.0,0.06750366800667458,0.0,0.0,0.10781916353367224,0.11218484657295442,0.0,0.0,0.09168533400594532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055474568516268086,0.06001122789670885,0.0,0.0,0.06333606295804152,0.05183588779116709,0.0,0.12328171384732264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359675805914398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767096487706648,0.1542033955755541,0.06873131965551342,0.0,0.0,0.05806971638307772,0.0,0.07284873387480648,0.0,0.053823225989773536,0.0,0.0,0.043475348403644615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699633111488285,0.0,0.0,0.06899933251431951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912183245762872,0.0,0.0,0.13357553986541842,0.0,0.11359551897016605,0.0,0.0605858170203652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817135590301665,0.0,0.06472636742842756,0.0,0.0,0.05734085710620141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113208265243789,0.06466800861444798,0.038311956366913716,0.056542228199804485,0.10783152870372724,0.0,0.0,0.06674876293260369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918445517462214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638752378040988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059919138324636474,0.14916341578489614,0.0,0.03704803009475535,0.10990002303087193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658684768586521,0.0,0.059526284701380286,0.0596577528845781,0.05660934308043133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793573001940972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690392227029921,0.0,0.09911157538731083,0.04998535682567306,0.15597753531295866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073785551259933,0.07179188583338582,0.13704093147427265,0.1025401643512358,0.0,0.0,0.07485336729645409,0.0,0.0,0.04673519198788368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268184740198665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672994133033878,0.04318603740934784,0.0,0.0,0.07237556817354554,0.07636498022612533,0.05756972498599022,0.06412452244319036,0.107217913121282,0.0,0.0,0.05371886504836736,0.0,0.14065143537252606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542952778424553,0.0,0.10767107937247906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747620161204542,0.07649866471147282,0.0,0.0,0.05068565045723511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782708613110313,0.0,0.0863901433753469,0.0,0.0,0.23585188090112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045768517991128986,0.0,0.06585200926506322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928454085514625,0.0,0.16222221178167584,0.0,0.06061174213742894,0.12498373133058485,0.0608291039420675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869887991127488,0.4309897924516626,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joepoeaz,2019/02/17,"insert title here i'm not suicidal, i just want to die. and that's a shitty fucking place to be.",-1.1085714285714268,0.971909571428572,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,96.14285714285714,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.03936190476190449,75,2,16,1,3,27,19,21,0.345,0.514,0.142,-0.6288,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485602024620094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325621769121565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888515802664876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51180212106992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275977097109834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chioshi_os,2019/02/17,"Cant keep going. Nothing works. Nothing. Medication didn't stop it.  I can't connect with normal people. Hate being around anyone. Life seems so meaningless. Pointless. Arbitrary. Made all the wrong decisions. I am successful but see no reason in continuing this viscous cycle of finding reasons to live..
 ",3.5146524064171136,6.063968843137259,4.496613190730841,71.08203208556151,105.66666666666666,6.560427807486633,30.12655971479501,7.348242739294969,3.4951019607843143,245,13,31,6,11,79,47,51,0.204,0.75,0.045,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,1,13,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,5,8,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,19,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393267398987648,0.0,0.0,0.19597848790938616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121138001089034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511524161047707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735067667351748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956777512686024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549711739271946,0.0,0.0,0.194394810363144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083094602822824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177605542908504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569840141750968,0.42247608910551504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526229770486434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526978359203717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754295373277102,0.20041456696608093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405367368898595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027044267809634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406973938197527,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,efuheart,2019/02/17,"I attempted suicide after my boyfriend and I had a heated argument As a disclaimer I had already been suffering depression after going through a previous abusive relationship and sexual assaults. But the argument my boyfriend and I had that day pushed me over the edge, I won't deny it. 

It's like all of a sudden he had full on turned verbally and emotionally abusive and just kept putting me down that weekend we spent time together. He was insulting my intelligence, making crude jokes. He labeled what I said as nonsense. He was putting down my vaginal odor and being selfish about pleasure during sex. He was putting down my one bedroom apartment when he himself could not afford a one bedroom at age 30 and would soon have to resort to living with his parents until he found a new place. He flat out said that he would get me nothing for valentines day. Then he stormed out when I confronted him about how mean he was being, demanding that he talk with me. He refused to talk and said it was not his problem. He said that I had been a major buzzkill and that the entire time he had spent with me had been miserable.

I had had enough. I had enough with people being mean to me all my life, people abusing me and bullying me all my life, and I couldn't bring myself to believe that it would get any better, so I attempted. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, nothing ever worked out.

My boyfriend recognizes that he triggered me––he apologized to me twice (over the phone and at the hospital) for being so mean and so cold. I tried reassuring him that it was not his fault (what else could I say?) but the truth is that he did deeply trigger me. He had also known about my past history of abuse beforehand. My family blames him for my attempt and they are more so disappointed by how callous he acted; they were coordinating with him the entire time after my attempt. 

I never contacted him while I was in the hospital (he was actually the one checking up on me). But when I let him know that I had been released from the hospital he couldn't say much. He didn't ask me how I was doing. I haven't contacted him since, nor have I heard from him. It's been a few days.

I would appreciate any thoughts about this. 

​",4.695013111888112,6.238038561771562,5.234241695804197,81.41367023601399,70.14219114219114,8.439423076923077,30.42256701631701,8.930421266530582,2.523751107226107,1769,73,333,33,32,567,194,429,0.127,0.8140000000000001,0.059,-0.9819,2,0,0,0,1,1,44.0,1,0,2,6,20,17,4,1,18,0,49,3,0,7,6,63,71,35,1,9,7,1,1,1,0,5,2,7,2,0,22,23,0,2,8,2,3,7,11,11,0,4,39,10,63,6,44,18,10,47,0,4,0,1,56,17,0,1,24,249,85,1,0.0,0.4126917559112907,0.08497535935913418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609250369802977,0.06963607510588747,0.0,0.09434874624340046,0.10580904280311737,0.11843176288327364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140597656123161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810684736828976,0.0,0.07701322663455129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904905527464986,0.0,0.0,0.16847390727968348,0.0,0.07499997067238158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727423177767328,0.09795079045054553,0.0,0.1799492634426678,0.0,0.0,0.0787668439808557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208918821540853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547629931449994,0.0,0.0,0.09098909980379112,0.0,0.04948831327534267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800459367021324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047855674662099536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890429372946504,0.1230112328424619,0.042541808443978806,0.0,0.07689128159383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058125099244947964,0.0,0.0,0.2845597145484181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640121930214954,0.0,0.06715975780126368,0.08410026966575752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710697098030078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701848695464836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668957792195412,0.0,0.08312560110936662,0.12073754730400825,0.0,0.09097775424777142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332168240873201,0.0,0.2626116820835894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348895569182013,0.0,0.0,0.3313236656367581,0.138495503138983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792723472160007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203164555614787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524896609479032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997965409302773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913003649493353,0.1523272742434699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182402033872232,0.09471562765120953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339366630266174,0.0,0.0,0.24743024707837136,0.0,0.10580904280311737,0.0
suicidewatch,iNeedaPlace2Vent,2019/02/17,I'm disabled. My boyfriend loves me deeply but doesn't want me sexually. I have no money. No car. I want to die Title pretty much explains it. Falling into suicidal thoughts. I just want a normal life. Not an addict boyfriend and a disability. ,1.1041304347826078,3.5955688695652204,2.8133695652173927,85.13353260869567,99.43478260869566,4.908695652173913,25.31521739130435,6.6274283507984215,1.4690086956521742,192,9,34,3,8,63,37,46,0.405,0.484,0.111,-0.9488,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,9,2,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276183613354595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118991713310064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227083035402933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27123699641808563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209216353901113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29445226730019936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30574360087582303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287273309291593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23858455703759945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317751380602381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RandomHail,2019/02/17,"Nothing In My Life Is Going Right (15m) I don’t even know anymore. I just want to put this out there. Tell it to someone, anyone, but no one will listen. They all think I’m joking. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I have been feeling depressed for 3 years now. I just found out that my best friend that I have been trying to date for a year had no interest in dating me. Almost every pet I get seems to die within 3 months. I don’t know what all this means but I feel like God hates me. Like he doesn’t want me to be happy. 
 
 I have good grades in school but that’s about it. Nothing else in my life is satisfactory. I’ve had one girlfriend in my whole life that didn’t even love me. I’ve been considering suicide for around a year and a half but could never bring myself to do it. I live in the southern part of the US so we have guns and rope always on hand. I know exactly how to tie a noose. I know these are the two most common ways to commit suicide but also the most effective. I barely have any friends, and the ones I do have I only see at school for a couple hours. I feel like I have nothing left. Like nothing will ever work out for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve gone to therapy but it doesn’t help. The medicine doesn’t help. I just can’t anymore. I’m seriously considering committing suicide right now. ",0.562738095238096,2.6585821785714288,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,84.35714285714286,5.161904761904762,18.97619047619048,6.42735559955562,-0.11718095238095215,1030,27,235,10,30,340,141,280,0.124,0.634,0.242,0.9876,0,0,0,1,0,4,30.0,2,0,1,3,14,15,1,0,11,0,32,6,1,2,7,45,56,13,4,3,10,0,4,4,3,2,4,1,1,0,13,8,0,0,13,1,0,4,12,3,0,5,9,6,33,12,30,43,7,33,0,1,1,1,12,16,0,4,16,156,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447699877730484,0.0,0.0,0.07545094423856773,0.07850601252851296,0.0,0.0,0.06416062596716961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807068758910075,0.06597108711784211,0.0,0.0,0.0839907055726412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901356358341072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533008214492345,0.1043954888297251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126274487026114,0.0957623543456707,0.09791947396414813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881656963019172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463338649286593,0.08534416599457435,0.07949318921299595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431172252964021,0.13480603724367685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344892248348564,0.14578776713865854,0.0,0.04929351263101909,0.0,0.053620769977642806,0.07913555192246477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043637543231902,0.0,0.09315020686831936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264804309954406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291486208438204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25925900009001474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251057736368473,0.0,0.19992468679059772,0.18437682547924625,0.0,0.08331198722999368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851537498337501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277383344905668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530855452727211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276784530480293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621220389040748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180018357010448,0.07175674498960895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021708851855096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484690873782536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114723829743238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909726602509862,0.07518402032599154,0.08589188061446562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799416894934435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30960781830415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246527534497561,0.0,0.10789642282568318,0.0,0.0,0.06045509607890355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405684825688875,0.0,0.09216536497251204,0.0,0.1134903549983725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112990918696814,0.07488992702411766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533740501582947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868727127437005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227318851227808
suicidewatch,_Turts_,2019/02/17,"I feel inferior to human beings. I make myself sick. I want to kill myself even though I know my parents love me and it's a sin to commit suicide. I'm scared about telling them so I won't. I really want to die. I wish I could change my brain chemistry and be normal. I want to be a scientist so maybe I could discover a way to do this one day, but I don't think I'm even going to be alive by then.",-0.2916229712858893,1.4233407865168566,2.5857677902621745,94.13710362047442,84.95505617977528,5.7533083645443215,17.754057428214733,6.937597516519254,-0.0874204744069913,306,7,75,4,9,108,56,89,0.196,0.669,0.135,-0.7982,1,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,1,3,0,9,3,1,1,1,15,21,7,3,7,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,1,17,1,9,14,0,4,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232127126753962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152284789896186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192910217691065,0.0,0.0,0.1289525865302559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751874950141166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641330009656235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011018081942694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363740717334113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212174138613442,0.0,0.10988846511852134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804646100052157,0.0,0.13346960388686388,0.0,0.2008787966876484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591064008677708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549274261550295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202318504175195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809445882349596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018697074771788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218715183981556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174766980704417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281212554703383,0.19645195907443944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538108523830849,0.15871269908973393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299350892417333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LexModding,2019/02/17,"just admit we're all slaves. Ever since the beginning, we get sent  to schools aka indoctrination camps only to then go to college which in total is about 16 YEARS of schooling. WE then have to get out and find a job for some soulless corporation only to fulfill the lies our parents tell us. We live in a police state, no one is free. We are all tied down by money, and drugs are our only escape away from this shit-hole. Just ram a bullet in my brain already, I am beyond tired but not just at myself, but at humanity as a whole. We are all cowards, lying to ourselves about ""happiness."" ",5.4926970443349745,5.679718836206899,6.2332019704433534,79.88913793103451,67.53448275862068,8.352709359605912,28.64039408866995,7.957251820313856,1.7580704433497538,459,14,90,5,7,151,84,116,0.085,0.857,0.058,-0.6369,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,8,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,7,3,1,0,5,22,13,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,11,3,22,12,6,17,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,5,67,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640644358937169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573292103393195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880168697074936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169103317061725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919097237738714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095378254424606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954443455331052,0.0,0.10630076592134426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991105991068526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856111741835033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516226933462808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674508047197336,0.4267635632012609,0.0,0.0,0.20768895744192345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37859471363765945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199680462274865,0.15472378398898445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348370108710655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149782487709304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498952674574407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088266699269388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204494673355086
suicidewatch,Atomus98,2019/02/17,"I do NOT like my tinnitus I wish it magically went away. I hate when doctors tell me to get used to it and that there's no cure. People who don't have it tell me ""oh its just a sound, it doesnt hurt u""
It DOES hurt me! It hurts me more than any bone breakin injury. It hurts me more than a thousand needles. It hurts me mentally. It kills me or should I say it already killed me. I just pray that it goes away oneday. I am still hopeful, this hope is what keeps me alive. I didnt type this or structured my post very well and im sorry, this ringing sound is so loud that i cant keep my cool. I want to express more but idk how to. I just feel typing something here about this T, so i did. Tinnittus please go away! Pleaaaase please pleaaaaaaaase!!!",0.0997116736990158,2.2266851455696224,1.3510548523206758,101.01036568213785,86.78481012658226,4.523769338959212,18.904360056258792,5.82211442006289,-0.5015327707454285,575,16,140,4,18,181,96,158,0.149,0.71,0.141,0.4433,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,12,13,3,0,2,1,11,2,1,2,0,19,23,9,2,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,21,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,8,1,1,3,7,23,5,10,19,3,8,1,5,0,0,5,3,0,4,3,89,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872446221145165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932494419029347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32878516813084424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193946286002727,0.10207984228727138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898095983412972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094399921222606,0.0,0.06629400074889445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516619187793888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23171645655044215,0.0,0.0,0.6243728769233569,0.0,0.12600034002723046,0.0,0.0,0.20736499921455484,0.2581084480011417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698853919617504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175541988420323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086934592878565,0.0,0.0,0.25608993246555545,0.0,0.0,0.11171696787701864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276352719611536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980167363708398,0.0,0.13057838657136342,0.0,0.0,0.09315560067193213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391176880738746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074680577798507,0.0,0.09624718541262416,0.06880227645776425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048809630123883,0.10813427927143053,0.0,0.0,0.1341399575857676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AiloHope,2019/02/17,"I had a nose job and I lost everything (19m) i dont want to live anymore and i cant tell anyone that i will suicide. I was an asocial until high school but i solved that problem in the last grade. My self confidence was amazing back then. Slowly i noticed that I am not looking great. My neck is too long and i look like a retarded person. I quit school and move to my grandmother. I decided to grow my hair and i stayed in a room 10 months alone. After that period i had a rhinoplasty. I am looking so ugly now. When im walking almost everyone is looking at me. Cant go on like that. Nothing is gonna change my look. Im in college now and i will end my life soon as possible. (After i finish my mobile game probably). This is the worst thing in life. I lost ""myself"" slowly",-0.6068898372899447,1.5957816319018434,2.1591891170978954,92.20492931448388,94.6441717791411,5.2887703387570015,19.970392104561213,6.8959733430537185,0.5801231795145374,598,21,129,10,23,207,98,163,0.205,0.687,0.108,-0.9494,1,1,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,7,0,15,5,3,0,0,12,25,12,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,4,0,0,6,7,27,4,13,16,1,28,0,2,5,0,4,8,0,1,17,86,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584509222088616,0.13016112269796745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463556611914214,0.08787469595458068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663611285220712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294720448312802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728985203453154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131051190766676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008759381626795,0.11294834718391465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142384739270906,0.0,0.0,0.1385568376829419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327822562791395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715005567886,0.0,0.12471278136484415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244168162854556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753556224973527,0.12279665371527312,0.0,0.11097309241138166,0.11121818465788012,0.5276756219985157,0.0,0.27437763541599675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031237351056496,0.13357235307127424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058829654537485,0.14308151739540745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973433005184567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167937938136435,0.0,0.0,0.13549861895183216,0.1202537475010324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367054900279685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25437908011453986,0.0,0.0,0.13110615599218542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395254467312614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746776094018162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984525667746103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349270883840844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412621411406194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,h_is_base_comics,2019/02/17,"Redditor trying to kill themselves! I already reported on suicide help, but what is left to be done?",4.003333333333334,7.044391555555558,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,77.8888888888889,8.044444444444443,36.77777777777778,8.841846274778883,4.202577777777779,80,5,12,2,2,26,17,18,0.271,0.644,0.085,-0.6177,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239244807901078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393123834744791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574909294168518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250104755795609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173854189567837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202031057949889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26081595806350644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Milo-the-milker,2019/02/17,"I struggle every second to breathe I don't know what's going on with me. All is just a mess. I was diagnosed with severe depression two weeks ago. The medicine started to work and I gradually became better. But then everything is repeated. Today I took a self harm again. I fell into a depressed state again. I have friends, but no one really understands what problem is happening. All they can tell me is ""keep trying"".Not that they don't care but because they don't know what else to help. Too much work to do and too much pressure every day exhausted me. Telling about it only makes me more tired because no one gives me any useful advice. I always felt lonely and depressed.  I also do not want to disturb my friends because of negative things. My parents never listened to me talking about my mental, they just shouted at me every day because they were uncomfortable with everything I did. I'm stuck and too tired to find the exit. I was even too busy to see a psychologist. I tried everything but nothing could make me happy, without any motivation to keep me trying. I always felt lack of love but I could not love myself. I was completely engulfed in darkness and couldn't do anything else. Soon I have to go through an exam at school and it really makes me tỉed.",2.819620132953468,5.4723656707818975,3.88545267489712,83.85235754985756,79.53497942386831,6.5368154479265606,26.6301044634378,7.748469712250963,1.847430009496676,1010,42,181,17,26,326,134,243,0.237,0.6409999999999999,0.122,-0.9796,1,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,5,4,13,18,0,3,7,0,21,7,1,5,3,42,46,13,0,6,10,1,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,7,10,0,2,7,0,0,4,11,11,0,4,9,5,35,7,24,34,6,23,0,4,1,2,17,6,0,0,12,133,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526513014561618,0.08641812328164432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796192433126288,0.1622373283744417,0.0,0.0,0.13259173671525915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022514683345823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377135772254868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622110505595773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939654077352447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022153698925137,0.0,0.0,0.1556740799818471,0.0,0.0,0.12574468995807794,0.0,0.2519014187480876,0.09894929080906732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628791130334928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439057022389827,0.0,0.2464160812624973,0.0,0.2628505023013458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720947164894844,0.0,0.08910318698452305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063953121845816,0.0,0.0,0.09352033959489084,0.11081049955751744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620920765218902,0.10377886162434864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653448269611691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330541899820567,0.0,0.0,0.10715481827931747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597527156376208,0.0,0.19522400920174712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824599022247547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433312759523429,0.0,0.07518953283691578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354333229567156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212214946738274,0.07414478346949598,0.0,0.0,0.1082500061370606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328381430494888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490790951547985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866408060283,0.07768611728756743,0.0,0.10170229671807686,0.11013482969294457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900322150764975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191667810563712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835797166714754,0.17041937967200158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476736491752487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409854655171246,0.09240818032218616,0.0,0.10831387477300546,0.13237727392548662,0.0,0.0952325949325536,0.10148949527438154,0.0,0.0841992016696087,0.0,0.0,0.05750154266490259,0.0,0.0781998016263183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397592463442073,0.0,0.1419463175618176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,talkinlikeateen,2019/02/17,"Thoughts Does anybody else feel preoccupied with suicide or aspects of dying (reading about the stories of people who have died by suicide, memorial intricacies, songs to die to, etc.)  even when you don’t consider yourself actively suicidal? I feel like for so long I have denied that’s a part of being suicidal and it’s more for self preservation, but after making a list of people I want invited to my memorial and putting my after-life wishes on paper last night I feel like these are all ways that I’m unconsciously feeding into it that will ultimately lead to me attempting. Why doesn’t that scare me? I wish it did.",5.316168582375481,7.247816517241382,6.221149425287358,73.41657088122608,69.17241379310343,9.638314176245213,32.71647509578544,9.994966539143718,3.6522636015325673,500,23,84,13,9,165,83,116,0.18,0.7120000000000001,0.108,-0.8733,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,0,8,1,0,2,1,16,17,6,7,3,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,9,4,1,0,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,4,10,2,16,13,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,7,57,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41997527688374975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804081685583193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268106098958615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043503566586636,0.08909181337525264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046092702073997,0.19272707979668804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995118213634783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179827804212627,0.0,0.0,0.11937104783708498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003834429840878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658262745937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460698403770457,0.0,0.18702778997574931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559902896442022,0.0,0.0,0.1349238385802497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504575477362665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407169094408576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901794105964023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708547784257573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956004567248391,0.10706728894830908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171484049364233,0.0,0.3102275593622276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RepresentativeSpray2,2019/02/17,"Pain that never stops I am 24 years old and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and peripheral neuropathy. Every part of my body is always hurting, like I've shattered every bone and the fragments continue to stab my muscles. I have no energy, I can barely think straight. Doctors have all but given up on me, every currently known treatment has completely failed. No amount of diet, exercise, medication, or even alternative treatments like acupuncture or chiropractic have helped in the slightest. My hospital is currently attempting to find clinical trials for me, but I have absolutely no hope for that. They are few and far between and even if I was accepted, there's no guarantee I wouldn't be given a placebo. It is likely I will be in pain for the rest of my life.

Money has always been a problem for my family. I had dreams of finally being financially responsible, being able to support myself, break free of poverty. Now however, I am unable to work, I live off of government disability programs and my mother's income, between the two of us we can just barely pay our bills. I feel like there is nowhere to turn. I have the option of staying here or going to a nursing home that smells like piss and death. I can never have the income to feel free, to afford things that could make me happy.

I simply can no longer handle the torment, the emptiness. Death is the only hope I have of escaping. I feel no attachments anymore, I have no dreams or goals, I only desire an end to the pain. I am just stuck. There is nothing I can do to make my life better, no ""small improvements"" I can work for.",5.667557142857143,7.0390551366666685,6.501428571428572,73.89500000000002,67.63333333333333,9.58095238095238,31.285714285714285,9.842372674337009,3.2236714285714285,1271,51,217,29,21,420,165,300,0.199,0.61,0.192,-0.5423,6,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,0,1,6,9,20,1,0,14,0,39,15,3,2,3,38,53,14,2,7,9,1,3,5,0,2,11,0,1,0,6,9,1,1,7,3,5,1,11,7,0,1,7,4,36,15,32,39,5,22,0,2,0,0,6,8,1,8,16,165,42,8,0.11635183490780447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362809478890644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153897555578544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290374274438116,0.0,0.12924065893898626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199268521453722,0.0,0.0,0.09289747253890766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180946632445376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190910332775266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305319067405952,0.0,0.0,0.15369857923263047,0.0,0.29409431736994895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968615490295126,0.0,0.17649295113257954,0.08312177410633141,0.0,0.12745774790874012,0.10634346921451672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612542910719295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385869181293667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798818234728269,0.0,0.11671037716127565,0.23112725054313066,0.0,0.0,0.12455704571469255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436548385587094,0.2842181468888044,0.0,0.10274080188802412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533150657552885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117212232835754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947541588799318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164272362037897,0.0,0.12209167825041703,0.0,0.0,0.17698162692373556,0.37141966726865056,0.0,0.0,0.12599769880161213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133299234823243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240155749074796,0.0,0.09727534387321443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320346834217518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729898907441468,0.07455355772774026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655738510922146,0.11365883612207547,0.0,0.13995693137051346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941104311309466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492676693587277
suicidewatch,hlvar,2019/02/17,"The more I live, the more I want to die I just want to give up so badly. Every time I sleep I just want to close my eyes and never open them again; I never want to wake up. It hurts so much going through day by day doing the same old routine that you constantly hate and wish to be freed from. I feel bounded to something that I didn't even consent to. My whole life has been controlled by others - their expectations, their opinions; basically everything they say and do I will definitely keep it in mind. Never had I gotten the chance to speak for myself or do what I want; I never had the chance to be truly happy. Although, there are some days when I think I'm happy and enjoying life, but in the end, I'm alone in my room curled up like a ball in my rock hard bed just having my consistent breakdown in the middle of the night thinking about why did I end up like this. My thoughts mostly consist of me not wanting to got to school (I'm in college right now and I honestly think my course is not the one for me), my family not really caring abt me whether or not if I'm happy bcos they only care about themselves, being all alone (I don't really have a friend or literally ANYONE to express my deepest thoughts and how I really feel). I have a lot of things going inside of my head but those three are the major ones. My serious problem is that I don't have anyone to seek for comfort or any form of interaction that will ease my pain. I mostly rely on music or my imagination to grant me some sort of joy that will keep me going for awhile. I make scenarios in my head such as certain people being friends with me, being perfect in everything (grades, social life, looks, name it all), pursuing my actual dream (fashion, film industry, performing), finding the person who I can be myself around with and will accept all my flaws and love them for it, my family loving me and supporting me in whatever I choose.  I already know that these will never happen I'm stuck in a position where it is most unlikely that what I want will never happen to me.  And the reason is my circumstance. I seriously believe that circumstances play a major role in how your life play. No matter how much I try to change my life, it will never come true. I know I can't have everything, but I just want something that will make me happy; something that will make me all giddy to wake up the next day. But unfortunately, my life continues to be the exact opposite of what I wish to be. 

​

I already have tried to kill myself once (cutting), but had second thoughts. I can never sleep without thinking of committing suicide, and it's getting worse. The more I live, the more I want to end it. I'm just so sad that I have nothing to do; nothing to make me content with what I have. I'm so close to ending it all, and anyways, I have nothing to lose. I just want the pain to end. I just want to feel nothing, worry about nothing, be nothing.",5.661297756215888,5.6062256735395195,6.393442490398222,79.71316555488177,67.1786941580756,9.252557105316354,30.00424499696786,8.925248442259385,2.276915949060037,2290,75,453,35,34,755,249,582,0.115,0.696,0.189,0.9912,0,2,3,0,0,4,71.0,0,2,6,4,26,36,3,0,22,0,49,17,7,9,18,117,105,34,3,16,24,0,4,2,2,9,8,2,2,1,30,20,0,4,17,6,0,4,18,12,0,4,12,8,83,24,70,75,22,55,0,3,2,2,22,25,0,14,28,338,113,3,0.0,0.0,0.05441727303293208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115508636540608,0.12307313672081895,0.0,0.0,0.060419885521673426,0.06775893170673028,0.03792119047918928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798247361224245,0.0,0.0,0.04964146618724356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656031391138602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282653159579195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370950404668913,0.0,0.05899054188924621,0.04803544208918725,0.0,0.06026068931057546,0.06254366898954435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385174997404224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057873859050510165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695018751733,0.0,0.0,0.03683136127506581,0.0,0.04698327556041509,0.0,0.15035030405741426,0.0,0.10513800240115047,0.0,0.08458732251295283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096696083254577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616570683131451,0.0,0.029134202693497487,0.05349356904604431,0.09507529273499173,0.0,0.04459928061527321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862321334425707,0.2374457459786752,0.04995327237905512,0.05505505416416764,0.11445917414471783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059696134772061364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913057883870888,0.061694210571766724,0.0,0.06129248134759931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363250674380215,0.0544865999477964,0.0,0.09848063946773072,0.0,0.046827416950144064,0.06238525441150097,0.0,0.04740825643002696,0.10065773264479017,0.0,0.1488906628713708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056305384520332485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198538991440063,0.0,0.3440668828855371,0.0,0.05930526855416314,0.052330402833602685,0.0,0.3210403251291625,0.0,0.05851456445168656,0.05938646146768683,0.07557377737998874,0.04241076445092562,0.11867289876185695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865948980104269,0.04869066347636726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335827674510259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717085573588547,0.05733431397141413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762184771856128,0.0,0.04434548829793928,0.0,0.05643578531637741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160783268120036,0.056844013089915414,0.0,0.1287887337117805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060996376281020614,0.06327992295341994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03704688757711957,0.14292436704210812,0.0,0.13281031462858953,0.03251622954930638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571970839215178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617992654577338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050318015684296176,0.06225811765353936,0.12825087831836635,0.053754163371022234,0.0,0.0,0.056630687824963034,0.05682791777043586,0.0,0.0,0.06775893170673028,0.0
suicidewatch,TheBorderlineBear,2019/02/17,"Problem connected to my dad. So I've been thinking about this alot over the years and It would be great to get someone else's opinion since I've never told anybody about this. Also would feel great to get this off my chest.

When I was little kid  (6-8yrs I think) me and my older brother would spend every other weekend with my father (mom and dad separated right after I was born).

My dad would often scream at me when I'd done something bad like accidently drop a glass or maybe sat on the ps2 for hours at a time. It was either that or sit and watch boring TV all day like he would. Now I know its normal to be screamed at, but he would get angry over such small things and since we only met every other week it was not pleasant for me. The screaming and his disappointment towards me drove me away.

Anyways the relationship became bad between us and I started to draw back, while he wanted me to come as if everything was great. And I did because my mom insisted.

Fast forward to 9-10 yrs old. I started having random full on panick attacks at night, I would wake up covered in sweat, heart pumping, adrenaline overload and thought I would die. I was scared shitless eveytime. But the thing is, everytime I would get a panic attack like that, I would hear my dad screaming my name over and over. I didnt have many attack, maybe around 15-20 in that time period.

As I grew older I stopped having panic attacks and tried to maitain a relationship with my dad again. But it was hard. He would always treat me and my brother differently, as if I was someone less important. So naturaly, I started seeing him less and by age 13-ish he would start guilt tripping me for not visiting as much. That would never change, he still does to this day. 

Anyways, at age 16 problems started coming. Panic attacks came again with of course the sound of my dad screaming at me, depression, anxiety, self hatred, daily suicide thoughts ect. Tried suicide right before my 17th birthday but didnt go through with it. 

Now I'm not far from 19 (in june) and panic attacks have still not gone away. Have avoided my dad for some time and I feel really guilty about it. Im basically avoiding my dads whole genealogy (dont know if thats the right word) 

I'm wondering if something is wrong with me since I get panic attacks about just screaming. He never hit me or did my any physical harm.
I feel so weak and guilty. Haven't seen him in months and I don't want to either. 

No friends or family members knows this. Feel a bit relieved just typing this.

Sorry for the long post, and possible spelling errors.

If anyone has some insight or questions, I'd appreciate it and felt free to answer.

Thanks for reading this.

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suicidewatch,jedd8,2019/02/17,"I’m killing myself It’s unbearable. I have to force myself to do it. I’ll train myself, by cutting and hurting and then eventually I’ll do it",1.311,3.3879067666666667,4.043333333333333,83.885,81.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.7416666666666667,113,5,23,2,3,40,19,30,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6953736655568934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7186483599438391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wewerere12123434,2019/02/17,"I hate my mother I really hate her, I wouldn't cry a tear if she was dead. ",-3.7766666666666673,-2.4391475555555555,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,107.88888888888887,4.622222222222223,6.0,6.42735559955562,-1.703466666666667,56,0,16,1,3,21,15,18,0.503,0.387,0.11,-0.8792,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46770258034733797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8407450314089159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27276746231481275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Donny_patch,2019/02/17,"Why do I feel so alone? (23M) I’m currently living alone. I have a good job, and a car. I don’t have a girlfriend. I have one best friend. Through him I go hang out with other acquaintances. I don’t feel like I belong in anything nor do I have an appeal for anything anymore.

I have religion. I have family, yet I still feel like I’m the only person in the universe. I feel absolutely hopeless at times. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember with 1 attempt. I just couldn’t pull the trigger. Up until recently have I tried medication. Music used to be my medicine, but now I’m currently taking Bupropion. It doesn’t allow me to cry. That’s all. I’m still sad without the relief of tears. I don’t want to go back to the doctors and spend even more money on another pill that may not work for me.

If I tell anyone that I know how I feel, they would most likely admit me to the hospital or wherever you’re admitted to make you feel like you have to stay alive. All that would do in my opinion, would make me look like I’m ill equipped to live alone, and cause further stress. I do believe that there is hope for the future but I just don’t think I’m patient enough. 

As far as love goes, I’ve tried to date before and they’ve all either left for someone else or moved away. One thing I do know about myself is that I’m “too nice”. I’ve been told that. I am too...nice. I’m convinced romantic love is a lie, at least at my age. Maybe I’m just bitter, but that has definitely added to my feelings of being alone.

In conclusion, I find it extremely hard to see past the futility in the constant loop of my routine. I want to travel but I’m concerned my will to live will dwindle to nothing before I get the chance to. I’m not done fighting yet, but I’m definitely getting winded. Thanks for reading.",0.9700797872340416,3.147967976063832,2.8887659574468114,91.09400000000002,83.33510638297872,5.99404255319149,22.43191489361702,7.268377926160553,0.8064140425531918,1413,49,306,21,40,472,195,376,0.108,0.7140000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9771,4,4,0,0,2,1,47.0,0,2,1,4,15,20,2,1,15,0,36,6,0,7,3,58,78,20,1,8,15,0,8,5,2,6,4,0,0,1,12,7,0,0,16,2,2,7,10,5,0,2,5,11,41,15,46,64,9,40,0,2,2,2,14,15,0,7,22,190,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800971100413709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620680959909374,0.0,0.0,0.0909903385671164,0.0641530229721617,0.0,0.1510031928338717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620119077975996,0.07054930546732541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614325572121576,0.1033696864956419,0.09628489837943288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425148011989452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914805741819248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078195086378748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939089729919466,0.0,0.09389106532944776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076644503266116,0.0,0.0,0.09480122665323044,0.0,0.060599338711008574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649277678503027,0.0,0.3247373018640813,0.19663647777923493,0.0,0.0,0.08385690931964149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088503754379581,0.0,0.09587011481401066,0.0,0.1042861240717792,0.07695469488517108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218906844127284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112744314837352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104670964615694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084568446661926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968553970855253,0.0,0.0,0.22411959612276344,0.0,0.24304810171197244,0.08119496378077856,0.07704603909507099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561408058933832,0.0,0.12248631869543446,0.0,0.0921741864578213,0.0,0.0,0.09242744902588512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975146501725161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880356247542273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243429722544816,0.06977923679661363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758478696375219,0.0,0.08011167401693713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177381270572678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059105314609628,0.0,0.10393371362103336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311206156868583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773861651461672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977922094892509,0.14654171448260706,0.0,0.10509815133071762,0.0,0.0,0.10035849717289856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898381776200405,0.0,0.08019265612770317,0.08447013771993063,0.0,0.0,0.060953948232002,0.058789044367365324,0.0,0.07283844493634484,0.0534995704705949,0.0,0.0,0.08767008615026764,0.0,0.12458307532231185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924166416652417,0.0,0.0,0.1082318559453498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278918753358126,0.0,0.0,0.08844274662888214,0.0,0.06679435317002702,0.0,0.0,0.1955275377518967,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karrro7,2019/02/17,I was molested for over 5 years by my sibling This ha s messed me up so bad. Im suicidal with multiple tries. Diagnosed with severe depression and bipolar disorder. Investigated for ptsd. Im also a girl and I’m pansexual and I feel guilty and uncomfortable when I get crushes on girls because I think it’s because of what happened to me. My parents don’t know. I’m getting help and I told my therapists about it. The social workers of sweden were going to tell my parents but I made sure they didn’t. Now I’m not so sure if I did the right thing. I can’t handle seeing her every single day. And sometimes she slaps my ass as a joke and always after that I go cry. I don’t know if I can handle all this pain anymore. I walk in my own house without seeing all the places we did stuff. I can’t walk past anything without seeing the small child I was going through those things every single day for hours. That’s how often it happened. Every day. Now I’m in pain every day. I have planned to take my life again on Monday or Tuesday. I’ve written my perhaps 5th suicide note for this month. I going to tell my therapist who did it on Monday. And then I’ll see if I kill myself or not. I can’t live like this,0.9885465545226496,3.2006395737051814,3.126392208942012,89.20563376125132,83.54183266932272,5.471506566327284,22.443706654862037,6.775458762138228,0.6791016969160397,947,33,196,11,27,321,142,251,0.21600000000000005,0.737,0.047,-0.9926,2,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,1,2,10,12,2,0,6,1,14,6,1,2,4,32,38,21,3,3,10,2,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,16,11,0,0,4,1,0,6,10,7,0,0,10,5,34,5,26,28,5,33,0,1,4,1,15,10,1,6,18,127,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865121490863122,0.08183586468416315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975377094121184,0.0,0.0,0.08093444740876639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211893066652254,0.11990764600434545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803389450065244,0.25371289173133194,0.0,0.08470952451764183,0.09982413855528466,0.0,0.0,0.11271870330266286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314596508584405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972919273359467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276861859501646,0.0,0.22358043338692207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394283110162176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592256505435311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685586919757927,0.11348378528307013,0.0,0.0,0.21247179467183927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088107483577303,0.0,0.1081022141676708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694681807939098,0.04804930366108917,0.0,0.08684568600457533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306204186039088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850278570211952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930467874352185,0.0,0.21841416998303811,0.0,0.09388710531603743,0.0,0.0,0.10275580423459472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149669911940826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399116935626809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31349187740618323,0.0,0.0,0.11110857297851114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002564024508465,0.0,0.0,0.09727159909247822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258830137440687,0.21515994090002666,0.0,0.18538920280637008,0.0,0.07394767045564714,0.0,0.1719261212463853,0.0,0.0,0.22838605428932024,0.13067999490493015,0.06301931409883245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397854235647987,0.0,0.0667738354962405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896136019745532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333478379643921
suicidewatch,PurpleBlood2,2019/02/17,"Christmas coma The day after Christmas I tried to kill myself, I took over 100 pills and sliced my wrists, my girlfriend came home early from work and found me barely breathing and called an ambulance they pumped my stomach and put me in a coma on a ventilator for 3 days they also put some kind of tube in the side of my neck. I lost all my memories of the week before this happened the event itself and can't remember anything that happened during the hospital except some of my very out there delusions from my coma brain (it's called in ICU amnesia) well my dad decided to tell the whole family and bring them I had visitors in and out until I started throwing rage fits and my girlfriend put her foot down and said no more. I'm terrified of what I said to them. I finally admitted to my girlfriend that my brother rapped me when I was younger and now I can barely look at her even though ahe said she kind of figured. It took me 4 weeks to get out of my delusional state of mind. I have an awful scar on my neck and big bright red scars down each arm I'm currently unemployed and highly doubt I'll be able to get another job like this. All I want is to try again but I'm terrified of being ""saved"" again. I can't go back to the hospital. I didn't even leave a note and I don't remember why I finally decided today's the day but since all this I'm more suicidal than ever. (Sorry for the long post)",4.7585985288424295,5.084434919860627,5.717531939605112,82.46950735578788,69.13937282229965,9.443979868370114,28.83643050716221,9.444778638647367,2.3257194734804503,1110,37,230,22,18,367,162,287,0.099,0.8690000000000001,0.032,-0.971,4,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,4,2,12,10,2,1,14,1,11,12,8,0,4,38,33,19,2,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,4,3,1,0,9,18,0,0,7,1,0,9,5,4,1,0,11,6,40,6,38,20,9,49,0,1,3,0,19,17,0,3,22,149,49,3,0.10767044928992166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610401939688846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290185403989852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860360564876807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279192940375002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161962204241578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019583016306044,0.2198871340058437,0.1231463102526942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831559731391291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223063258360275,0.09739408563228863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015021171659454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358954286142521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805509020458542,0.0,0.0,0.1125067316401448,0.0,0.06119159759794007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042524543991665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137597411926744,0.10800223954962188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684630709737476,0.0,0.11912139943506192,0.22424440832063344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400745941243988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260234287858893,0.0,0.0,0.09528495943013436,0.09041605990794607,0.0,0.11753501434847001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871646038794927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031185275585668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247156209420415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439392598915796,0.0,0.3072577606785269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890661082883457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052825287054922,0.07620969818416773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777399590210395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410871844654753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057856697546177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205899635165913,0.0,0.23925166174142684,0.14620233478788838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883939682584084,0.06350682063634461,0.0,0.17273347967798347,0.0,0.09680866461277082,0.0,0.0971558334170789,0.12021021149877993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838536943192492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PryingAa,2019/02/17,"Physical pain in my chest My Dad died almost 3 years ago on my 17th birthday. He was 39. My Mom killed herself when I was 3. He was all I had. I still have traumatic night terrors from when I scattered his ashes in the ocean. It feels like a part of me died with him that day. I have tried to honor him by fighting through this painful and lonely life without him, but I have not felt truly alive in years. Wouldnt he understand if i finally ended my suffering? Dignitas gave me the greenlight over a year ago. Lately it feels like that gaping open feeling in my chest is getting heavier and more painful. I swear there is something physically wrong. I lay in bed and weep loudly to try to relieve the pressure but I end up more down and depressed. Why did he leave me? Why dont I matter to anyone? I am so alone. I am drowning and i cant take it, he would have to understand he would have to ",1.3972209369577795,3.62830493956044,2.7337015615962983,92.52445633314056,82.02197802197801,5.58982070561018,23.864661654135343,6.8360192770164,0.7708857142857148,697,26,148,8,19,225,111,182,0.28300000000000003,0.659,0.059,-0.9919,0,3,1,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,16,2,2,5,0,19,6,2,0,1,24,28,11,4,4,5,2,4,2,0,3,4,1,1,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,7,5,28,4,21,18,4,24,0,4,0,0,15,10,0,2,16,97,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284673459673097,0.0,0.12904264913837546,0.1334683442266429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010747545327301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310917459574825,0.0,0.11099378695371352,0.0,0.2674891981349689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103229186223927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282775288257143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547854111150986,0.18412659579475704,0.12373345284351485,0.1411685535012843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732819138588787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257330672393045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536867438019158,0.1364525648348079,0.0,0.0,0.09102325273346876,0.12591675385269147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509285997476934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093385270734675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113737927315775,0.0,0.0,0.13955144489960342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920885316954547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029141210255358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689266970880178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498577434721635,0.0,0.0,0.268312186708003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23256658339282674,0.0,0.0,0.12422411683297024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308820579469012,0.14089688656163096,0.0,0.24896022753607044
suicidewatch,randompigeon76,2019/02/17,"What do I have to live for? Hey everyone,

My main account has some personal info on it, so I did make this a throwaway.

I’ve fantasized about killing myself since seventh grade. I have only told one other person about this. I’m a junior in college now, but I just don’t feel as though I’m doing a good job at living my life. I always mess up somehow, I feel. Or I’m worried about messing up. 

I’m writing this because, as petty and first world as it sounds, I got very drunk last night going to the bars with my friends. I told myself I’d get my drinking down and not get that drunk again. But I did, and I texted my ex, and I regret it a lot. I moved out of my dorms away from him, and told all my friends how much I didn’t want to talk to him again, but I still texted him.   I moved out of the hall I used to live in to get away from him, and I still unblocked and texted him. 

That is not the reason as to which I wanted to post on here. Well, maybe it is, because it’s a trigger for this post this morning. I’ve had many breakdowns in the past couple years since starting college. I don’t feel as though I’m smart enough, or motivated to keep going through with things. I feel fake. I am always afraid of failure, and this prevents me from going out and getting internships in my field, or meeting new people. I don’t want to live where I do now, I want to escape to some far away place where no one knows me, which I always feel is a better option than killing myself. But recently I’ve been considering it more. I don’t want to, because it would hurt my family and friends I do have. But I just can’t shake the feeling. I don’t want to get help either because I’m afraid of what they would say. I just feel lost and don’t know what to do anymore",2.642661475491664,3.520871323450137,3.763498053309373,92.55391634221823,74.30997304582209,6.358829989018669,23.98332834181891,6.238725200709706,0.4181930917440351,1355,38,312,8,27,440,167,371,0.128,0.75,0.122,-0.8141,1,0,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,1,4,21,18,2,3,11,0,27,5,0,6,1,64,65,28,2,9,14,1,7,0,3,2,1,2,1,2,22,16,4,2,12,4,1,6,11,11,1,3,10,9,50,7,52,53,9,44,0,3,0,0,21,22,0,8,14,214,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912578366609613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308358035329942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361317808071736,0.0,0.0,0.2042770247901528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409333122879716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092696884860856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206888212027641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656331492189365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005184684386743,0.0,0.0,0.07897684175225278,0.0,0.29651870888728243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126007979828125,0.0,0.0,0.19417608963854352,0.0,0.21884830062904356,0.0,0.14283600938566784,0.07026758749050753,0.06700356192763664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615348939195474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968426413744865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313505297279751,0.07446422662552186,0.18537213163955893,0.0,0.09208252942685333,0.06828886771354091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059173679757044274,0.0,0.0,0.29590403855032804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145173014836608,0.07122361620565637,0.0,0.0,0.055921332208284366,0.08493602115360224,0.084164555794235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780819018989806,0.061585221493570125,0.0,0.0,0.08091167464447634,0.0,0.07861838439068262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353798094786785,0.06371565287788213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997395987335461,0.058079939479739814,0.1463004712420967,0.08752840485335561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046907907159605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613599151746487,0.08271899150921291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662227799173794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860124569180307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929729784490945,0.0,0.13380772620540646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733621826561705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055657252577963286,0.0,0.1646195829828374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401555405316023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235582673705865,0.0,0.06912422302491655,0.29648060140767457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532495674814238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507890141584798,0.0,0.11902456275332828,0.0,0.0,0.05394919186052288
suicidewatch,gbz08,2019/02/17,"Got all that I wanted but still depressed I have recently begun a new career in my dream organization with a dream job. I am surrounded by great people. I was diagnosed depressed 2 years ago, been in and out since then. I don’t know if i’m depressed but been feeling extremely lonely for the past few months. I can’t shake it off. I’m slowly feeling there’s no other solution to what I’m feeling. I need help.",2.2002710843373485,4.370922927710847,4.094804216867471,84.1838930722892,78.75903614457832,7.041566265060243,24.832831325301214,8.07648339933343,1.6122301204819278,325,12,64,6,8,110,62,83,0.225,0.545,0.23,-0.359,1,2,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,0,1,13,17,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,3,8,1,8,13,2,15,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,1,9,40,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364078786298333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644462913318525,0.22171991132352065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313613028669357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471265542589998,0.2408394626651145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642095078010975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677572722979915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005319397701593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436294403766567,0.0,0.0,0.16197627036187265,0.0,0.2109782394458375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085331360366829,0.15144419433163742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569084157548485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807022715173332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744526894487812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288461679349353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067321642113428
suicidewatch,NitliamOutpost,2019/02/17,"Disappointed to wake up I fell asleep last night hoping that it would be my last time, that perhaps I could have miraculously died painlessly in my sleep. Or that I could have woken up and all the pain and sadness and loneliness would have disappeared. I was thinking that maybe I would have some kind of text on my phone from people trying to check up on me. But there was nothing. I could have drowned in a ditch, jumped in front of traffic on the way home, disappeared from existence, and nobody would have noticed. So why would anybody notice if it was today, tonight, next week? 

It has been years since I’ve felt this way. I thought that things would get better by just faking a smile, and it really felt like it worked. But last night everything came falling down and I have nobody and nothing. Last time I remember I was strapped down in a hospital bed and taken away to a place 6 hours from home. I don’t remember a single positive thing from that experience. I was threatened with shots if I wouldn’t do exactly what I was told. Everybody said I couldn’t leave until I saw a psychiatrist. By the time I did the process was just “take this medicine for three days, if you’re better you can go home.” So I went home with a prescription and no other help. A waste of time and money. If I just kept my mouth shut back then, I wouldn’t have gone through any of that. If I wasn’t such a coward and actually followed through, that wouldn’t have happened. If I wasn’t such a coward back then, I wouldn’t be feeling all of this now. 

So why shouldn’t I just do it this time. It’d save any extra trouble for the future. Last time I thought too much about it and got hospitalized. So this time maybe I just shouldn’t think about it.
 Thank you reddit for being a unique place to share anything and everything. I wish all of these other people the best.",4.4163266596417285,5.5949037506849315,4.49760273972603,87.82103003161224,70.39726027397259,7.916754478398316,26.093256059009484,8.263242389622931,1.4165595363540566,1459,44,305,21,26,452,173,365,0.114,0.7709999999999999,0.114,0.2321,1,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,4,18,14,0,0,17,0,45,5,4,0,4,64,70,29,2,24,14,0,3,1,0,12,1,1,5,0,28,16,0,1,9,0,2,11,11,5,0,1,25,5,34,9,39,25,8,57,0,2,1,0,7,16,0,9,29,212,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.07842153609664289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929757564998578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613092393450802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550256764162433,0.12358654584542125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433476367320665,0.14214698420786864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191250419784101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248710313785045,0.0,0.0,0.05182672051724989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340287327214974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444802957624972,0.0786092722739191,0.0,0.0,0.040633346705640574,0.0,0.15431988370350694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198572991322712,0.0,0.04567146964900815,0.0,0.06427268217829145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106368487596779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386482857118861,0.0,0.3224377986026966,0.07981741177911728,0.0791401970803102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368446069890133,0.0,0.3275280122874668,0.0,0.08509155548655031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039260722068924524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614684828571396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590751783048608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546569865466874,0.1508282332443852,0.0,0.15421865180171965,0.18298491099558006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551063380476752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142552376983424,0.0,0.16792197861923366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051481834493456016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206853459754807,0.0,0.07644248579930281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647612125072855,0.0,0.08041984825277856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604220814079072,0.0,0.0,0.07398635945982629,0.0,0.0,0.1067776339927636,0.10298520841258882,0.0,0.1275966043153173,0.3280173314545053,0.0,0.07617360123377374,0.07678915511294572,0.0,0.0545603952012519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757493152465113,0.06446139816707581,0.0,0.0,0.07449620475416653,0.1450280715429984,0.0,0.09241211772393736,0.0,0.0,0.05850435617743972,0.0,0.0,0.3425203529410907,0.0,0.0,0.05175037210666331
suicidewatch,PingCarGaming,2019/02/17,"Goodby So hey, i am going to unsub to this sub bcs it is making me wanna koll myself more and more. I hope u all keep living and if yo realy don't want to keep living,i am always ready to talk or whatever you want to do, it is ur choise. So goodby",-0.8670833333333334,0.8736274107142847,2.589285714285716,93.12238095238096,87.39285714285714,4.447619047619049,11.11904761904762,5.46131890053228,-1.306609523809524,189,1,44,1,6,69,39,56,0.044,0.848,0.108,0.6718,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,12,13,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,13,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28666976297814256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957996964196028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34218791546352145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.612453667535491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042190892549299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299709978636625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769135980028615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064158050872341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gamergirl9028,2019/02/17,"Idiot I wasn't sure where to go to write this but I thought this would be the best place, I've never written anything like this before but I feel I now need to. I have suffered with depression my whole life because of stuff that happened in my childhood but I always tried to push through and make the most of life, that's now stopped and I am at the end of the road. To deal with everything I started gambling when I was 20 and over the years it has got worse, I now stand with £13,000 in debt and unable to pay my rent or car bills. I have tried killing myself before but have been unsuccessful because there has been people there to save me, I don't have that anymore, I have a fiancé who is distant and uncaring and a family who wouldn't know or cared if I no longer existed. So it comes to today, I get constant calls for people I owe money too, my rent is due in 3 days as well as my other bills which I don't have the money for, my partner goes out all the time and leaves me alone. I feel I am now ready to stop, I have been looking up easy ways to to do, painless ways. I have written my letters to my mum and partner about why I had to do it, I'm ready, I've been looking up online and the best ways to do but can't find what I'm looking for. I have asthma and think I should just forget to take my inhaler, that would be the best way. My uncle died last year from cancer, it was heartbreaking but life goes on and I see that and that's why I am ready because it may hurt a few people for a bit but life goes on. I needed to write this to let it all out and to give me that closure I needed. Thank you ",4.709158198088883,3.8109971037463986,5.372977400273019,89.06965266191419,69.31700288184439,8.112179584407706,27.77324435006825,6.5966054737557815,1.0224328530259368,1253,33,295,7,19,407,166,347,0.181,0.705,0.114,-0.9732,4,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,0,3,14,15,2,0,13,0,38,6,0,1,4,56,66,27,2,8,11,1,2,1,2,5,6,0,2,2,23,19,0,2,6,0,10,4,7,6,1,0,12,7,43,9,44,46,9,42,0,4,4,0,12,14,0,5,20,206,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430850871042063,0.0,0.0,0.08380145600798401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988043868009568,0.0,0.0,0.08287838785882301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184181508201232,0.0,0.17139904218368973,0.0,0.3170768910145061,0.0,0.10995273731221487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283944453424558,0.0,0.10268382649588197,0.0,0.0,0.08675550988444765,0.0,0.1088351975073019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495168657757258,0.10383089388841188,0.08674413742335829,0.0,0.10452440807321853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920200794383243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905145362290652,0.0,0.09494344810659387,0.0,0.1018472468827805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205004642360716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261849375838623,0.0966132850304949,0.0572376363500012,0.0,0.08054955178873124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906035614533939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781557085839062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142424139939176,0.0,0.055349344568548606,0.0820947055385851,0.0,0.10664074414125818,0.0,0.1029860774613735,0.2845468655691784,0.049203385612277335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537211852784748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722684757671253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403270008553225,0.0776762338412163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946556981831307,0.0,0.10522386537203436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025538642105452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128532612712142,0.0,0.0,0.16840150101440216,0.0,0.0,0.11529252633982215,0.0,0.0,0.09492100549858153,0.0,0.07572379758554733,0.0,0.0,0.09272318955722453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453295628375796,0.0,0.07995503640918783,0.058726680787743075,0.0,0.09546434394154492,0.0,0.0,0.13675531283059675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197658229131615,0.0,0.0,0.090553268065378,0.0,0.1817560083639738,0.11244269869423257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026353618790863,0.1430875449873039,0.0,0.0,0.12971200630863727
suicidewatch,sever123,2019/02/17,Can't live much longer (20M) No school or job for four years. No friends in real life or online. Can't connect with anyone. Parents getting older everyday. Everything I hope for ends up terribly. Nothing appeals to me anymore. My life is a net loss. Sometimes I wish my parents were strict and kicked me out of the house so I could go starve under a bridge. I wanted to jump off the bridge tonight but my will to live is too strong thanks to the medication. I know death is the only cure for me and I seek it every night.,0.9101758241758232,3.3834299809523856,2.1695238095238096,93.89406593406595,87.2857142857143,4.754578754578755,21.41025641025641,6.297961479604792,0.29479487179487185,408,14,85,4,13,130,76,105,0.131,0.743,0.127,0.1451,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,6,0,8,3,0,0,0,13,15,6,1,4,3,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,0,12,4,14,12,1,13,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,6,52,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828362741107966,0.12890928727034534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719701650470982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328885807048574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553318402346377,0.0,0.16569150852445114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243661864332696,0.0,0.09632085596779368,0.0,0.10477643377860353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311177249002386,0.0,0.21272749378886152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294954633531724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131981866640306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26043882765275644,0.0,0.0,0.32558774954581626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857240084120941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552632650508248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301002698100493,0.0,0.17689906282969056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021461912439356,0.0,0.0,0.4094214770204492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984283704126613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658286983433975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233744530254706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697345619056688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874071683197256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200570525658385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872224558838244
suicidewatch,gdd08,2019/02/17,Just got a $4000 bill from a mental hospital I was taken to when baker acted And I'm a broke 19 year old making just above minimum wage. I never have money left over after pay day. I don't have any one in my life who can or would help me financially. I have genuinely never wanted to kill myself more than right now. This just seems like confirmation that I'll never be happy. All i want is to be financially stable and to have someone  who loves me. Neither of those things are ever going to happen. I can't even afford the meds they put me on. I just want to be dead.,2.1726050420168046,3.749958571428575,4.321588235294119,85.27414705882354,76.73109243697479,6.776806722689076,18.62268907563025,7.554174236665415,0.4066968067226888,446,8,93,6,10,154,87,119,0.094,0.763,0.14300000000000002,0.6046,2,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,4,0,14,2,0,1,5,18,25,4,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,6,2,0,1,3,0,13,3,13,18,3,18,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,2,11,68,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135086785580075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456789965517763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757593331478806,0.17471821854657288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977347189947234,0.0,0.15448233930776556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080482574255018,0.20561528006407792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294665858351173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136955089721467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098616261632022,0.0,0.1364298883720435,0.09436494607919138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432839491874802,0.0,0.12893132795048073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454977357212865,0.0,0.19465309677310447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469151986300752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268189700297445,0.0,0.13088567527238176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417241631227294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649518632639599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583951045380647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365816471609415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832247018408932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417804632110121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721056284348085,0.0,0.0,0.12438439274882003
suicidewatch,OrdenMace,2019/02/17,It only gets worse I can't take this much longer.,0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,80.81818181818181,4.4,11.0,3.1291,-2.0085272727272727,39,0,10,0,1,12,11,11,0.279,0.721,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018612181078685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247277663124985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394204692239486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344114805696793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887974577916361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,everythingishorribl3,2019/02/17,"The only person I have ever loved is leaving me, and i have nothing left. First let me say, I'm 30 and have been seeing therapists and psychs since I was 15. So don't give me that to get help bullshit. Therapists just listen and don't DO anything. Psychologists don't listen and just cram pills down your throat until you can function again.

We've been together for almost 5 years. This last year I've been struggling with a bowel disorder and sudden agoraphobia.  Those two together have made it difficult to find a job. 

I've been trying to stay 'positive' but with the impending separation I lean closer to dying every second.

I don't want sympathy because I caused this separation, I don't want your words of kindness about how it will all work out because I've heard and said them all before.

She is the earth beneath my feet, the air in my lungs, my reason for being and I fucked it all up. I don't want to exist without her.

I've been struggling with misery for most of my life and she brought small amounts of joy to it. Darkness my old friend I will soon join you.

When she does finally leave I will be no more.",2.938783783783784,5.026593463963966,3.9939549549549582,86.19822972972975,76.07207207207206,6.962522522522522,24.163063063063067,7.908726449838941,1.3177668468468466,887,29,175,14,20,287,134,222,0.155,0.757,0.08900000000000001,-0.8863,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,1,2,9,8,1,2,6,0,26,8,4,4,4,32,41,14,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,5,0,1,8,13,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,3,10,6,28,4,23,25,6,23,0,0,1,2,19,9,1,2,12,118,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757660786457876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306056670083008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750378662059556,0.0,0.11690908415277808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113775417279792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258951116372173,0.0,0.15746126502621208,0.0,0.12023123716517092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427745388315158,0.11575731089891725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050443289512658,0.12557230759867896,0.11686417709832735,0.0,0.0,0.10614745774452887,0.12701518162341588,0.07178079686348428,0.13179736042867207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208986781332128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633874086576828,0.0,0.0,0.14307092639505725,0.0,0.11199148742059058,0.0,0.29095312487368397,0.14927503716727966,0.1404909600789118,0.09704288025304347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400017147761552,0.13000208845476732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182976383187991,0.0,0.1441680799934582,0.0,0.0,0.10449156614663184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996397021448126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126018095589934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306897023402918,0.10925833532547134,0.0,0.0,0.10948233555188013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365073241867413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643985224795744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872604872088262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31904161393854463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932790415416518,0.0,0.13421042623725887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431091966722775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243941226382294,0.0,0.10002182444084964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694978534256015
suicidewatch,kbern94,2019/02/17,"Honest question And I kno I’m breaking rules here but it doesn’t really matter 
I just the chats and hotlines don’t work anymore and I want to go and I don’t know what to do I’m just numb and lost in a random parking lot fighting my inner demons ",-1.6344444444444441,0.061751481481485015,0.938222222222226,97.95400000000002,108.25925925925928,2.900740740740741,16.511111111111113,4.935628992294339,-0.7765644444444444,196,6,43,1,10,66,38,54,0.177,0.7240000000000001,0.099,-0.7278,0,0,0,0,2,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,14,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,9,1,4,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026582797447103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307479672086949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313550244158434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432138839543425,0.34517986173218845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548302848123138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26010392809414296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394784633996388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955841220907776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awaitingdeath9,2019/02/17,So overwhelmed by life I can't think of any other solution but to kill myself,5.115625000000001,5.5019043125000024,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,68.375,8.9,28.5,8.841846274778883,2.178325,63,2,12,1,1,21,16,16,0.32,0.5379999999999999,0.142,-0.7686,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220694066491621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6866672306610229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383898102417969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976932292399599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PureUnoriginality,2019/02/17,"https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/arinzt/to_the_girl_i_love/ Help me keep them with us, I fear Im too late but I don't want to give up on them yet",11.063750000000004,14.807751208333334,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,57.75,6.466666666666668,16.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,-0.6556833333333336,135,1,23,1,2,33,21,24,0.154,0.763,0.083,-0.1489,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065828884297727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466088816097404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218365213496496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902851411111658,0.0,0.0,0.3211557919703983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075821271790668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346207304842334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311455326457665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zGlitchMobz,2019/02/17,"I'm killing myself next month That's it, plain and simple. I'm waiting for my tax refund and once I get it, I'm buying a gun and shooting myself in the head. Just don't want to live anymore and I guess I wanted to tell someone. It's weird to talk about plans with my friends when I know I won't be alive for it. I guess I feel kinda bad when my mom is a therapist and her own son is gonna commit suicide. Pretty ironic",0.9434677419354855,2.328368440860217,2.9007392473118294,94.97110887096777,79.64516129032258,5.08010752688172,20.227150537634405,5.148860815047168,-0.314955913978495,327,8,77,1,8,110,63,93,0.223,0.687,0.09,-0.8913,0,0,0,2,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,1,16,17,7,2,2,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,13,1,8,14,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,4,43,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095764056784161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644652956250992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685165289621933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632682284597758,0.0,0.11040795314700946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655939377404265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168791655149005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337984526952452,0.0,0.116138023066615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660276964894454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474998574368333,0.16867662530066627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474523778061947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225052929172984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499225685037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790539532889932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115391642673525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985404981436755,0.1847062984676381,0.0,0.0,0.24536319672422266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492884816798344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gids96,2019/02/17,"The Convenience of Dying It's just easier to die isn't it?? No longer need to think about eating, waking up, and thinking about how to live. To live is to struggle while death promises peace. Depression whispers these sweet lies of comfort disregarding the reality of what lies ahead when I do actually kill myself. Decisions, decisions. Death just looks so nice it's getting harder and harder to resist.",4.395833333333337,7.534379138888893,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,77.05555555555556,8.044444444444443,27.055555555555557,8.841846274778883,2.8053555555555563,326,13,51,8,8,104,52,72,0.29600000000000004,0.509,0.195,-0.9073,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,11,8,6,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,4,13,8,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2466322389844911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176796995058816,0.0,0.5245966451741213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258610304581987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320432509908539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27961307940747504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44633806978626106,0.0,0.2122331760594666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873992959166751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642127857984665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238838946202246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Njskdn12,2019/02/17,Somebody kill me PLEASEE Somebody kill me please i'm an ugly girl so i'm worthless trash anyway,0.5286842105263148,2.418096473684212,1.1677631578947398,95.1505921052632,110.57894736842104,1.9,25.802631578947373,3.1291,0.2402526315789473,79,4,14,0,4,24,14,19,0.526,0.398,0.076,-0.939,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8958239443854681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444091140668267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quingofemoawareness,2019/02/17,"I can’t keep watching myself ruin things. I grew up thinking I was broken because since age five my parents and teachers have been trying to fix we with everything from therapy to meds to nuerofeedback to EMDR etc.. I ruined my family and my sisters childhood. I always seem to ruin moments and things and relationships. It’s like I’m watching myself self destruct and there’s nothing I can do. It’s tremendously painful and I feel immense shame about it. I truly believe I’m a worthless, lesser, inadequate, hurtful, terrible person. I honestly think that in terms of long term amounts of happiness and pain in the people in my life’s lives killing myself would be utilitarian. Yes they will be hurt and sad now and for a while but that pain will fade and this solution prevents me from further harming the things that I love. I just can’t go through this pain anymore, I’m exhausted. ",4.333634538152609,6.780669271084343,5.004313253012054,78.89510441767071,73.1566265060241,7.559196787148592,32.151004016064256,8.447377352677275,2.86149124497992,713,35,120,13,15,229,109,166,0.264,0.626,0.11,-0.9774,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,1,0,4,21,2,1,4,1,12,7,0,0,0,21,22,12,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,2,11,12,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,17,0,1,2,3,21,4,17,15,4,16,0,7,2,1,8,5,0,1,10,82,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531056639236735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743520106169355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447774474491669,0.0,0.0,0.15613342988864326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455454494312834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454774578524715,0.0,0.13064191599931904,0.0,0.07007076179224021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787588256921238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475221446674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967078409810202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317723808559605,0.15331944094598576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788392050977238,0.06770371940593982,0.0,0.12236963928431754,0.12263990164381115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507484213642142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393234746666634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329722911159894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5898401916478704,0.0,0.15387789782672634,0.0,0.0,0.09607467716371763,0.12100366038076975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487842255706736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615901742000285,0.1445702977911405,0.0,0.0,0.11463570772981065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847955114547638,0.0,0.2762013504738213,0.17759433056497384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408746178681612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844402855367693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thiehis,2019/02/17,"Hello buddy. Maybe I just wanted to talk, but I miss you buddy. It hurts having no one that understands. I know you would. RIP friend. If you read this, just know. I understand. ",-0.29995798319327704,1.4541643823529429,1.2278151260504195,94.91088235294121,111.05882352941177,4.295798319327732,10.739495798319329,6.18269132825596,-0.7584739495798316,135,2,27,2,7,43,26,34,0.226,0.664,0.11,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,8,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,1,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,19,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030693544325764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191161394190446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276496895107819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994758152869773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199642883833194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981749927851928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395969262017871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6206534087637087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582375578703016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175765518725964,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wiza67,2019/02/17,"I am tired of everything Hello everyone I have been down and really depressed for the past couple of years it all started with me getting picked on in middle school for being a bit overweight after that I found out probably a year after that started that I struggle with my sexuality when I started my 2nd year of high school it started to get really bad I started popping pills drinking anything I could not number the pain I also stopped eating alot and exercised a ton I could do the point were I was going to die because I was anorexic and probably still am now I found out I won't graduate and I feel fat because of anorexic recovery so I started to exercise and eat less again also forgot to mention my only ""friends"" that I have ever had just hang out around me to make fun of me and I still struggle with my sexuality guess what I am trying to say is a am just to big of a pussy to kill myself sorry if this didn't make much sense I am really tired",4.637843762455162,5.4819500103627,6.035233160621765,78.23558389796735,69.62176165803109,8.632762056596254,30.90833001195696,8.841846274778883,2.554116301315265,764,31,144,13,13,259,109,193,0.173,0.7959999999999999,0.031,-0.9759,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,12,8,1,2,9,0,19,11,1,3,2,31,35,11,2,3,4,0,1,0,1,1,8,1,0,0,8,13,5,2,3,3,0,2,3,6,0,0,9,2,27,2,28,22,6,32,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,3,19,114,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185739515728174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884231942654849,0.09565436206799624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971727603855006,0.13100252631626433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730889683738928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158210311426522,0.1188927253164634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254757377572444,0.0,0.1115173965049454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526128330635612,0.0,0.21989883573702135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719577539893112,0.0,0.1026742403714001,0.09657022328265356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433056270267558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356294215964458,0.08301654193692375,0.0,0.11227764959618904,0.0,0.061067001531142126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836962715476584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352810781703206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887884884930025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344904037606632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898900630349594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172149072042956,0.11433566832019115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257434279442317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101576129198267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317011662926419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065079987571295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544951870948578,0.0,0.2174927316563299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028283770187903,0.4563271368999639,0.0,0.17162135772782458,0.0898340268403913,0.0,0.22466267953950908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699872918264004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295232150180933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758517803094706
suicidewatch,WaltinaW,2019/02/17,"I am not sure exactly what I need... ...maybe just a shoulder to cry on. Some one  who will let me be me. It all hit me like a ton of bricks today. I just couldn't put on the Tina show today for friends and family. The mask I wear to show everyone that, ""I won't ever try and kill myself again"", is starting to tarnish. Its been 10yrs since I tried to commit suicide. And I made a strong effort not to do it again. But, I'm just so tired of life. So tired of problems carong about people all of the time and tired of worrying about medical bills..
 And not having a car....sofo tired of being me that the thought of having to live one more day makes me nauseous. I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 yrs. At the end of last year. I thought good riddance. I finally had the courage to let him go. But then I began to mourn (not him), but the relationship. I have my own place and now the silence at night is the loudest I have ever heard. I just sit up at night and read post from r/Creepypastas and r/nosleep, just so I can say, ""It could always be worse Tina. At least a hedious demon is not trying to possess you."" 
My therapist told me, oh those so many years ago, ""Sometimes you have to fake it before you make it."" That may be good advice for some.  But it only taught me how  to hide it better. And I am just so tired...so tired...
I turned off my phone today and didn't even answer the door. Which of course did the opposite of what I was trying to do. Everyone and their mother came by my place looking for me. And don't get me wrong I love everyone of them for it. But  they've had me for ten extra years. And is exhausting being the Tina they want. You may be saying just show them how you  really feel. Well then I would have to see that look on my sister's eyes again. That same look she gave me ten years ago when she said,""Tina I just can't do this anymore. You are going have to give life an effort or I cannot be there for you.?"" Please don't feel off about my sis. I took my family through hell. Multiple suicide attempts and I've been in just about every psychiatric hospital in my state save one (that equals 9).
But, now honestly, I feel like tomorrow is the day. But for what I want to do I had to save up some money so that I could rent out some place. In a area where nobody will know me.
And by the way I almost successfully  committed suicide last time. But some guy broke into my house saw me dying and called 911. And if you think that was good when I got to hospital the doctors worked on me and one of the doctors went out and told my friends and family that I was dead
But the other doctor,the little son of a bitch. Said that he would give me one more try. And great day in the freaken morning he brought me back. I still  to this day felt that I was robbed.
",1.1896146586977032,3.061933164359864,2.5746354199433803,95.32155992450457,80.67820069204153,5.8645360176156025,19.332620320855614,6.90281598873529,0.035216885813148746,2131,51,494,24,55,689,258,578,0.116,0.7659999999999999,0.118,-0.0033,1,0,0,0,1,5,87.0,0,8,4,7,36,28,3,0,26,0,54,15,3,5,8,93,95,44,7,10,25,4,4,2,2,7,11,4,2,1,29,26,0,0,9,4,3,7,12,10,1,7,28,14,76,18,68,47,15,74,2,3,6,1,39,26,2,10,39,346,105,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342297227336857,0.11506611555414938,0.0,0.06499150377181016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400493109844928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436685549338846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990680353194522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522811836699164,0.0,0.0,0.057401892455136126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627375442910681,0.07423234070912722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364036498222526,0.0,0.07129347323843868,0.16742961401604714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735961073949076,0.0,0.0,0.19929452036206585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057485257683244,0.0,0.0,0.04286816533745761,0.11741790611305447,0.05468401805128791,0.18605429505567006,0.0,0.0,0.18355579786432205,0.0,0.09845151526867188,0.04636709035728715,0.062317561061189686,0.07109863784260502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028860294567243,0.0,0.03390941238127294,0.12452274816727825,0.07377233653375692,0.16331398926132992,0.05190927701717926,0.07155636409781638,0.0,0.06426469266039048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488995232904816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180613280630628,0.0,0.03566927929610211,0.1058100688784304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273650082812768,0.09168655654311744,0.06341716663128877,0.06505038159577667,0.05731100058605816,0.0,0.163507840816936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058577964214855886,0.0614132835028748,0.08664721221551129,0.06580198610278347,0.06520431326425882,0.0,0.0,0.06538347201206833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048125140493843865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181512076586325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199015371510853,0.04936205450003423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499593127378627,0.0,0.2034311050199827,0.07124457894883911,0.0,0.0,0.06215963479087337,0.0,0.0,0.062103906845805,0.0,0.06524596787318435,0.0,0.0,0.06492108759601488,0.0,0.04157885928364135,0.0,0.0,0.069682095074786,0.0,0.0,0.12347622774572947,0.1032277742942563,0.0,0.0,0.051719705365686514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368886556592426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419124459794281,0.0,0.04593904818860072,0.0,0.05183203793058645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298176224380375,0.0,0.061170803061679886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535799354808004,0.0,0.041587557349260784,0.0,0.10305229617587568,0.0756915333137059,0.3729852644594718,0.1845628547228564,0.12403619670378002,0.07211020303073147,0.220326161339596,0.07059639635740503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656355983637644,0.05151739616677711,0.0,0.0,0.058356062478726274,0.0601662167853119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047250538309605225,0.06591267889134313,0.06614223559572023,0.09221120224151468,0.07096181452836707,0.0,0.16718296547669004
suicidewatch,Geedasmen,2019/02/17,"I'm done I don't think I can do it anymore. The only person in the world I care about seems to just brush me aside now. I cant live alone, but I cant get myself to trust anyone anymore either. I feel like I'm running out of options. I'm a failure at life. I dropped out of college because it was too difficult for me to maintain. I am starting to really struggle at work. The only person I care for and love doesn't seem to love me back anymore. I think I'm reaching the end of my line. I'm tired of the pain. The sorrow. The sleepless nights. The trust issues. I just want it all to go away. If my time is almost up, I wish the best of luck to the rest of you out there, and I hope you can overcome your struggles and cope with them better than me.",0.36546779141104224,2.1449469079754637,2.3549041411042957,96.32413535276072,82.98773006134971,4.565797546012269,20.616947852760735,5.148860815047168,-0.2898095092024544,578,17,135,2,16,193,95,163,0.135,0.5870000000000001,0.278,0.9827,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,1,3,7,16,0,2,11,0,11,5,0,0,1,24,31,5,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,2,24,11,26,29,4,18,0,1,0,2,8,9,0,7,7,90,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045719268417745,0.14527436523855994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173216789806398,0.09807798527488044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317855142016167,0.10785670607883796,0.0,0.08550549398578301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720161900319526,0.1240548102612848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860232189853061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354189555214533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242349760557034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092323687258655,0.10020681114541254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328374621652532,0.0,0.07971699903779036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931683361393624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640236147307484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907476817386077,0.06852739724480007,0.0,0.12385837817358712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253192984598753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316311278881234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335882993387364,0.14925403463305315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449515617678281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985866630345324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538771513919833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928174251528456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932751594090507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797549284712206,0.0,0.0,0.08179084697387297,0.1612163440393149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273314242952585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130018929310433,0.0,0.0,0.10211608562074792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DozerSSB,2019/02/17,"Not a cry for help. I'm posting this on my public profile because I'm not ashamed; please don't interpret this as an insult if you do use a throwaway account.

I have nothing left to live for, I really don't. I live far away from my support group, my job is trying to get rid of me by cutting my hours, and I've gained about 40kg since graduating from high school in 2017. I no longer have any passions in life at all. School sucks. My living situations suck. Really, I'm at the lowest I can possibly be in my life. 

I've spent the last 18 hours or so researching popular, quick, and painless suicide methods. I've had suicidal thoughts for the past year or so, but nothing this bad... For the first time of my life, I was totally willing to commit suicide and not care about the pain, method, or inconvenience. 

However, I had a thought a little while ago. What if I just bettered my life in an exponential way? What if I drop 80kgs and live healthier, what if I get a job I love, what if I meet someone who can comfort me? What if I could help my morbidly obese dad lose weight? That's what went through my mind. 

So, tomorrow, I'm going to weigh myself and post it on whatever subreddit is most popular for weightloss journeys. I'm going to put it out there. I'm going to exercise, diet, and get down to a healthy weight, no matter how hard it is. Like I said, I have nothing to live for, so why give myself little pleasures if they're just going to give me immediate satisfaction and long term detriments? 

So yeah. Maybe not the most typical way to start a weightloss journey. But I'm going to do it because I need to cure myself, for the sake of my family. 

And, if that doesn't make me happy, well... There's always the easy way out.",2.806439087046733,4.485063421203441,4.284537101076971,85.77931232091694,75.24641833810887,7.5645094358264995,26.934196225669407,8.326086129247049,1.7861913052069958,1350,52,279,24,29,449,181,349,0.146,0.718,0.13699999999999998,-0.3269,4,0,2,0,0,3,53.0,0,1,0,4,14,20,4,1,17,1,19,13,0,3,3,44,50,29,3,10,19,1,3,1,0,1,7,1,0,0,16,10,5,0,3,1,2,9,9,8,1,1,8,4,35,12,41,39,5,46,0,1,0,2,13,17,2,13,15,173,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642483216433624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173819634683401,0.0,0.0,0.05862949136152966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100229325294278,0.0,0.0719863350217289,0.1051123280207858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625059689678315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790244057458861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883605535019288,0.0,0.0947036701538117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127629335542054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073334853885197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513210926863153,0.16541151291142148,0.24499125614916925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177799494670777,0.07723214683977833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557685456878435,0.09109140139506966,0.0,0.0,0.16980978666640373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111114609347566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027713342357017,0.0,0.0,0.09367338487446968,0.0,0.2435862082173501,0.04212053472729936,0.1728211462337484,0.3806492971337404,0.07629799782739156,0.0,0.09645308304899301,0.0,0.0,0.07781284806719832,0.0,0.05754951072422189,0.0,0.0866150503753941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705307016018067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392769526309937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24817827092206454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173936267407404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230244308643794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946387207487076,0.0,0.09719501368843476,0.16514121932110798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667038285065276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110463704350616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201067652546162,0.0,0.0,0.17450936248974167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131834633000105,0.09690982586797384,0.0,0.0,0.07305010702327305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102376934677985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829172663934653,0.0978363191997319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368909413768207,0.05027294700879157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853466008024595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446250406293832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530153485906466,0.0,0.20997448657480489,0.07751808183025692,0.07992262531216937,0.07779607202761075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551995049002639
suicidewatch,throwawayaccountttq,2019/02/17,Would jumping from a water tower do it? I've had this thought in the back of my head for over two years now. Would a water tower's height  be high enough to guarantee death? Is the ladder to climb up them usually locked or something? I just want to die and go somewhere nice already,2.6968421052631544,4.6074481578947415,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,76.19298245614034,5.963508771929827,23.68070175438596,6.742157984588678,0.6638870175438596,223,7,46,2,5,70,49,57,0.136,0.765,0.099,-0.6416,2,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,7,9,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,9,4,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,31,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106657903128637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647252701893832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29217469611044106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908867913324041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999506062667138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28892210551916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974427438320241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167288752471529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349649135529784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750054346963818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100559741433111,0.0,0.16604857556883185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39996935399595296,0.0,0.0,0.18129050775659053
suicidewatch,MariusIchigo,2019/02/17,Could I talk to someone here? Just would like to talk if possible. Thanks. ,0.4161904761904758,2.218447285714287,0.5585714285714296,99.36976190476193,111.85714285714286,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.3374095238095247,58,2,12,1,3,17,12,14,0.0,0.6709999999999999,0.329,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30614875235981664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733132062679847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432275382790746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32489077143005496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6163953630852465,0.0,0.3530236250277389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238754441553803,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sady_smash,2019/02/17,Feeling empty and it’s alarming. In the past this emptiness and lack of emotion is what drove me so close to killing myself. I thought I had gotten past this but I’m right back there again. I can’t kill myself right now though. My aunt just died and I don’t want to seem like I’m attention seeking or something if I’m not successful. I don’t really want to live anymore. I’m not interested in anything. I feel so empty. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to feel pressured to see people. I want to be alone. I want to this emptiness to be everything. I want the void. I want nothing. ,-0.11559000000000096,2.143953456000002,1.9944750000000009,94.6781125,90.44,4.7250000000000005,21.4125,6.322622252153567,0.3008500000000001,462,17,102,5,16,154,69,125,0.315,0.568,0.117,-0.9863,0,1,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,2,2,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,25,30,9,3,10,6,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,4,4,16,3,12,23,1,11,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,6,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147984750491476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170255120881134,0.0,0.0,0.11758137183681568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986898969889804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829105161426945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072528794470886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841494165060105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167393571894627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161599905136729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698059135653362,0.0,0.12616920514640176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710106832643412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727979245991996,0.09905778690970513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915351603194184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440443403588031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386006263485435,0.13007624311901295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999909729838377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038282166226074,0.11343394953904162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6742135638151486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressionsfinalform,2019/02/17,"We have zero control over our own lives. I work in a hospital. Taxpayer dollar is siphoned through here to keep people alive, whether they are willing or not. There’s something about it that feels wrong. I understand the sanctity of life and all that, but shouldn’t we have the right to choose whether we live or die? I took this 74 year old woman up for a lifesaving treatment yesterday (hemodialysis) which understandably she insisted over and over she didn’t want to do, to all the staff. Because of her age she gets passed off as ‘crazy’ or ‘delirious’ and has no say whatsoever in this. I’m young, I haven’t suffered nearly an iota as much as she had yet and I already want to die. Yet people like you and me get put under close watch because we’re told our lives have some kind of meaning, determined by a system that feeds off our wellbeing. They don’t want us to die because then we wouldn’t be paying taxes and medical bills. They keep us alive as long as possible, and even after we die, someone has to pay to stuff our corpse in a box under the ground or to huck it into a fire. Sorry for rambling, I just guess I know I don’t want to live, but it’s troubling as fuck to know that I don’t have a choice in the matter. ",3.851596941070625,5.0387305182186255,4.475836707152499,87.41382703553758,71.75303643724695,7.7560953666216825,26.677687809266768,8.167268648758528,1.5221895636527214,966,32,202,14,18,308,142,247,0.191,0.74,0.069,-0.991,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,11,1,3,2,7,6,1,0,12,0,19,4,0,1,2,45,38,22,4,6,10,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,11,14,1,3,7,0,5,3,9,4,0,1,4,4,30,2,40,30,5,31,0,1,1,1,23,17,1,6,11,142,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367633071755822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495761962446668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257004037816467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652600378955949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402375106707355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666792907242695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036105105718,0.11710796957054738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123462031355062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923285583417213,0.0,0.11670771589905347,0.12318576410124375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916110689969881,0.05475364433186697,0.0,0.3958532125078231,0.099181870869435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208132792536,0.0,0.11290265907165505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238720867302116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760270060129993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539585561556682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634647790637665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266522012209156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957104945034798,0.0,0.08912566011880634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949598480706079,0.08627996028824875,0.0,0.12545755052863922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829779704748348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709141009219264,0.12451822177420888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333457556903411,0.26962219428721723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644163494995537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159113080958544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253521121245214,0.0,0.07217191429631878
suicidewatch,Frozen-Cake,2019/02/17,"Suggest me some suicidal songs. Not Love or Breakup Song Yes, I’m another shitty human who eagerly waiting to die. You can help me by suggesting some sad song, not the breakup ones, they’re shitty. 

I really have no other place to ask. Because anywhere else, I would sound a fucked up weirdo. So, I’m sorry if it’s bit off the topic",1.8388311688311705,4.2242005454545435,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,81.42424242424242,6.8017316017316025,24.58008658008658,7.957251820313856,1.6056995670995675,260,10,51,5,7,86,54,66,0.382,0.527,0.092,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,8,9,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,5,2,5,8,3,3,0,1,0,2,8,3,1,4,0,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984310373138157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660653657539738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734913337355321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31071274033645635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953729580397431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23774926857489925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631108670327553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907633769098032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568652991924788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928543434046976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973495372443725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232395531536624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185897329646033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31130946488475897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217378983834589,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wannabe_Doctor,2019/02/17,"It Doesn't Get Better. I deeply yearn for death. My life is better than it has ever been in terms of finances, social opportunity, and options. This was achieved through grueling effort. Yet all I want is to die.

I don't have the guts to kill myself by conventional methods. But if I could press a button and blink out of existence I would. I fantasize about being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with 2 weeks to live. I break down into tears often when I look at my life and realize how lonely, pointless, and futile it is. No one loves me, no one knows me, no one will remember me, and no one cares.",3.380769230769232,5.340538059829065,4.706333333333337,82.15950000000005,74.38461538461539,7.756923076923077,24.52051282051282,8.548686976883017,1.6891887179487188,471,15,91,9,10,156,86,117,0.26,0.6409999999999999,0.1,-0.9681,0,3,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,5,6,8,1,0,2,0,13,6,1,1,2,23,19,9,3,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,3,0,4,2,2,14,5,17,13,2,11,1,2,1,1,2,5,0,3,5,71,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538344686401144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395193361555808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971395673851144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030342206413373,0.20760772035905287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094569987748732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451152739610292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131225783608716,0.0,0.10993557831195544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825853175592731,0.0,0.0,0.17663709829297372,0.0,0.16798142447763004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054198176639208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5422033331867028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266039042418234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391341042866687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798751466719225,0.0,0.16045830796446486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421011588306662,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sorryaboutmykids,2019/02/17,"Goodbye I just want to say goodbye to someone even if it's just random strangers online. I've taken a handful of seroquel and about 300+ units of Lantus and about 600 of Novolog.  

I'm selfish, stupid, and a horrible parent. I love my kids more than anything in the world and shouldn't be doing this to them, but I feel like I have no choice. My 16 year old got kicked out of where we live today. I took them over to their older brother's house ""for the weekend"" and checked into a motel. There's no one that will take care of them with me alive and I don't have anywhere to go. With me dead, my brother, their brother, their sister, and possibly their father will all step up and help. But not while I'm alive. I make minimum wage. I can't afford to live anywhere. I'm on waitlists for different places, but that can take years where I live. 

I've had depression my whole life. This won't come as a shock to anyone. 

I love them and I'm so terribly sorry that I'm such a failure that this is my only way out. 

",2.761357142857144,3.952369361904765,3.801130952380955,91.18741071428572,74.42857142857143,6.392857142857142,24.55357142857143,6.6274283507984215,0.6763571428571433,786,24,172,6,16,254,125,210,0.154,0.718,0.128,-0.7915,4,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,8,0,10,9,1,0,7,0,13,4,1,1,1,29,31,16,1,3,7,6,2,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,8,16,0,0,1,2,2,4,7,5,0,1,4,3,26,4,27,22,3,23,0,1,0,2,20,11,0,2,8,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526268130995315,0.0,0.13565247657891838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806933301470425,0.0,0.0,0.14199841571169391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419798016610177,0.0,0.0,0.17222678072886272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887783524202536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335002423024873,0.11776450857722234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368458201222847,0.0,0.13184071830736033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049138529225626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020771770329328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643411513680405,0.08053439849412304,0.0,0.4366805271635073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975560948966233,0.0,0.11003457719169032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297593374433914,0.0,0.11170248664914728,0.12537120715932526,0.0,0.0,0.1830396328555076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222678072886272,0.0,0.0,0.18583671870986307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109047837172474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967169379826655,0.0,0.0,0.1845292398644892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478841817226944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562527338576074,0.0,0.18314762815353586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722919779498937,0.1308454077236506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840423172452666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123081222062373
suicidewatch,DNVN04,2019/02/17,"Thinking about death I’ve been thinking a lot about death, and it scares me, but it seems like one way out.
I want to do a lot of things
And maybe I’ll regret not doing those things
But who cares in the end?
There’s always a loss of potential, and we’ve learned to live with that.
Maybe it ill be the same with me. ",1.1372549019607874,2.6868425294117664,1.844705882352944,102.02284313725492,79.58823529411767,5.121568627450982,17.215686274509807,5.46131890053228,-0.9140372549019604,244,4,62,1,6,75,47,68,0.221,0.665,0.114,-0.8047,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,18,9,5,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,10,7,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098896613539505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24627634302997464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139416211589935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800913821390654,0.0,0.21329309234703575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107143768112944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853389216129605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636805443673639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418337079516086,0.0,0.0,0.2198980654871024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209501991808664,0.3095509978704291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247245966397154,0.19173116200578608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Leppard2128,2019/02/17,"Just want a friend to talk to that knows what I'm going threw. It's gotten to the point now where I have no family that supports me my wife is stressed out to the point where she can't mentally handle it anymore, I was hospitalized a few weeks ago and I will never do it again because they locked me in a 5' x 6' x 10' room, even though I told them that I was claustrophobic they didn't care they never check on me and I was locked up for 18 hours by myself which was horrifing. So no way I will never ask for help again. I don't understand why depression and mental illness is still considered taboo today. I hate crying myself to sleep at night I just want to end it all.but I'm too much of a coward to pull the trigger. The people in my life that I thought were there for me weren't there for me when I was locked up I literally have no body and I feel alone with no way out. I'm pretty close to losing my job and being affected due to my mental illness I've lost 50 lb in 3 months I don't know where else to go and what else to do I've called a suicide lines and they're a joke. Any help would be appreciated anybody to talk to. Thanks for your time.",1.9577016129032248,3.269839366935482,3.5677741935483884,91.56916129032257,76.70161290322581,6.734193548387097,20.86774193548387,7.365786028017652,0.3726751612903225,905,21,211,11,20,301,138,248,0.183,0.727,0.09,-0.9668,1,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,4,2,16,10,1,1,10,0,22,5,2,2,3,27,43,10,1,3,2,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,11,11,0,1,5,1,1,4,12,5,0,0,13,1,32,5,30,25,2,39,0,3,0,0,15,16,0,0,17,137,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083354917840035,0.0,0.0,0.12657702699850104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831098296171504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120362125520046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425375553161204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450062647312733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575239674513004,0.0,0.0,0.124794336610256,0.0,0.124605496132265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134246532040812,0.0,0.0,0.10526288948373397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418852136278404,0.0,0.10824548358919253,0.0,0.0,0.08072130968088408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152126470112071,0.0,0.06179515879281676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442236811528736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389142636813616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066119531922408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638351701137328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035634379074428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127871031433984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343314283449746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632348580852292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672640018007348,0.13341120853123153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36948942868858936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755018815867034,0.0,0.08984148045959697,0.0,0.2827773171033537,0.0,0.0,0.11468972382827325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472792045423443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310637961810569,0.0,0.0,0.12433575233691928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230243619546168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760039769022542,0.0,0.1399959240630149,0.0,0.0,0.1336824708275244,0.13868719701010745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646224827380715,0.0,0.11251839196124397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007480600978045,0.09702440316089808,0.0712640680180666,0.0,0.1158447473736718,0.11678088118476365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722926585233774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441701732549485,0.1940158463603536,0.09803283900285957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102792833597866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681744312579656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slicedcheese,2019/02/17,"I recently realized that I am a burden to literally everybody I know. Honestly, it’s true and I can’t believe I didn’t realize it for so long. I’ve dragged my family down with my depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts for over ten years - since I was fourteen and I have never gotten better. This past year, I developed a bad eating disorder and as a result, basically everybody in my life (all my family, friends, boyfriend, and my boyfriends family) were burdened more with worry, begging me to get help. I was so ready to die but my 14.9 BMI wasn’t low enough. A while ago, I had promised my dad I wouldn’t commit suicide and I thought this maybe could be a loophole. However, I failed and I’m back to a 16.7 BMI. I was just too tired to fight but I still want to die so bad..I don’t feel like anyone benefits from knowing me. my boyfriend either hates me or loves me and I feel so unstable. I just can’t ruin my parents life. ",1.8776836476217296,4.146430812834232,3.7714157050379984,85.55328454826909,80.44385026737967,8.00101322825781,26.954404728398533,8.841846274778883,2.3506,730,32,149,19,19,246,113,187,0.289,0.5760000000000001,0.135,-0.987,2,0,0,0,1,3,27.0,0,0,0,2,9,17,2,0,6,0,15,5,0,1,4,32,27,17,4,3,6,2,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,8,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,10,2,30,8,15,14,4,14,0,4,0,1,6,4,0,1,11,98,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414582566762696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071378242076412,0.0,0.0,0.09792617751661216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768976255202974,0.23387170753197464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577883286030236,0.0,0.12386279487072202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181848471418734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206248119791883,0.0,0.29069946270911473,0.0,0.1605093697532199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330605672873015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447090303767178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960798706413716,0.0,0.1416269199366689,0.10005170833288468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082022397104752,0.0,0.07317031565206733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382703255625016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387252567107812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393557374759592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784283513612394,0.06842132868592278,0.0,0.0,0.12393979376625305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640054282461174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069899324050147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801515100229853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550888957184222,0.0,0.13369351900515822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828242444087188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585076132518388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184406658622748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063838165106665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236802440208175,0.0,0.1609668090216835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260508583403689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222751682410265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037514507821253
suicidewatch,a_cheese_golem,2019/02/17,"Wouldn't it be poetic if I let a train run me over? My blood and guts strewn all over the tracks. It's fucking *metal*, man.

My severed head just laying there on the tracks, the brain inside no longer having to deal with the realities of life, no longer having to cope with the failure of a human being I am.

My bloodied corpse in a heap. It's pathetic, just as my living self was.

Normal people are grossed out by blood and gore, so nobody would speak of it, for my ultimate fate would have been too horrible for others to visualize properly..

Death isn't the end. It's a bridge to something bigger and better. You are only fooling yourself if you think that life is all there is to your self. Why limit myself to the misery and perpetual disappointment of life? Why should I let people constantly tell me that I can't do this, that or the other, when I can be in a place where I can experience not only what I seek on Earth, but adventure into the unknown, tread lands beyond my wildest dreams and fantasies?",4.057575757575755,5.536531828282829,4.993353535353537,82.77336363636365,71.62626262626263,7.704242424242422,24.31111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.4025450505050507,794,22,154,12,15,259,123,198,0.124,0.833,0.043,-0.879,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,0,2,9,6,1,0,14,0,24,9,5,0,2,25,26,12,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,12,9,0,1,1,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,1,19,2,25,15,2,17,0,1,0,1,10,13,1,3,3,116,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675110299599195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523212795525493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931077398495765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106596370564806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696423079810936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231082883953712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339909084105893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029147310107673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33934818298160835,0.3516026056054608,0.0,0.0,0.14651873292124254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257561819573627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523936279518997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300691584313489,0.0,0.17336094548165448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34620118150694346,0.18745303397846613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127740587252953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450296416551835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632088335211347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994510166067739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574302272534156,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowMeAway384737,2019/02/17,Gonna end it all tomorrow. I’m gonna finally do what I’ve wanted to do for the last 2 years. I left a note on my computer for my stupid fucking family to find. I guess 15 years is enough to experience life. Goodbye.,0.10574468085106403,2.068952765957448,3.3908936170212804,87.49400000000004,85.17021276595744,8.01531914893617,22.16595744680852,8.841846274778883,1.6975310638297867,168,6,39,5,5,61,36,47,0.08199999999999999,0.918,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,7,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,6,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25407875811502617,0.2964099952751058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806106873503311,0.27043240328481544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142484583831767,0.26219097550435466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652036504747368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160160222132957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23383465587676444,0.0,0.0,0.31168151929183463,0.0,0.2026224406149674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920141775551528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369465511317402
suicidewatch,FinalPumpkin,2019/02/17,"Parents rejected me for beings trans. I want to give up. I just feel so empty inside. I came out over a year ago and thought things were getting better. But then, 2 nights ago the told me to take off my girl clothes because it makes them uncomfortable. 

Thats when I realized they will never accepted me as their daughter and idk what to do. I just feel so hurt and sad and I just wish i had been born right so I wouldn't have to deal with this pain",0.996451612903229,3.209463752688176,2.1208709677419364,96.42130645161294,83.51612903225806,5.440430107526883,20.052688172043013,6.742157984588678,0.09393849462365632,351,10,80,4,10,111,72,93,0.231,0.7,0.069,-0.945,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,1,21,19,11,0,3,4,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,2,15,2,11,10,0,14,0,3,0,0,9,5,0,0,8,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996347494945425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741128926213506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936182603666391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578154545394821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323936393037612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795385332611076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177703745123816,0.2162392335508354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24131211768552724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046669812995886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738544473013044,0.0,0.0,0.2115373193814124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23985814677491074,0.0,0.2502974054665433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250373520735897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694845170236054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975614299028886,0.0,0.0,0.17895484856140334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153943155169951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295599190198504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592168752650816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516028938291226
suicidewatch,oenavis,2019/02/17,"on the edge i keep fighting off my plans. 

Rationally, ik i shouldn't kms. I have several promises to friends, my crush, etc... And ik that im an okay person and i probs dont deserve everything i think abt doing to myself. And i do have a purpose in life (helping ppl like me) and i do know dying would hurt so many ppl

But man, its like the voice telling me to kms is an old friend. Someone i just cant go off. Ive had him since i was 10-11 and man, i know hes a piece of shit but i canf help but listen and run back to him. I feel scared when im not suicidal. 

But im at a place rn where im half succumbed into the spiral of self hate but at thr same time firmly clung on to a ray of hope and recovery. 

I find it harder to fight than to succumb. Im trying hard to keep going. But i still really wabna fucking die. 

i need another nap",-0.6748387096774167,1.1230650107526934,2.1208709677419364,96.42130645161294,87.06451612903227,5.225376344086024,18.439784946236557,6.508806274219699,-0.1841260215053766,636,17,158,7,20,222,119,186,0.146,0.731,0.123,-0.7543,0,0,0,0,3,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,5,1,9,1,14,3,1,0,0,28,27,15,3,4,8,0,2,2,2,2,1,2,0,4,3,8,0,2,5,1,0,3,4,7,0,1,2,4,24,7,20,23,3,18,0,1,0,1,15,10,2,1,7,92,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459542160260872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136692605338656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466373375117288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925871625067054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251814585521932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678971846464604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060080067103735264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860132473482297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836034512502779,0.10984919565085878,0.0,0.0,0.13505877234856034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106441338988779,0.11731230816804004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928801230832262,0.0,0.0,0.11801724062936095,0.0,0.0,0.12720160692129234,0.0,0.641741750661454,0.0,0.0,0.21122923571968166,0.0,0.0,0.13060313116380942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392762347925654,0.1161010356114549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046704603252426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810514482249568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246838954477428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375094903391396,0.12414389364382665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761205345303459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896173620065975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395745344188044,0.13423524801840642,0.12196926570774665,0.09829093956923306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067765202696664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489155068344317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997218511629455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038558272673281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613645852190648,0.0,0.0,0.06928617180134658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067246413750337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440787127451961,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChamomileTeaYuri,2019/02/17,"I don't see a reason to be happy. My life has been going out of control ever since I started middle school, I started feeling worse and worse about myself and I don't know what to do, I feel like my life is a mess and that I want to die, but that woluld upset my parents so I never actually act on my impulse, and I feel like everyone hates mle and that no one even cares about me. Please give me some advice.",3.0358620689655176,3.6505631034482815,4.57764367816092,88.06922413793106,73.13793103448276,6.719540229885059,23.69540229885057,6.42735559955562,0.5558367816091949,318,8,70,2,6,107,58,87,0.191,0.635,0.174,-0.3919,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,1,2,0,7,2,0,2,2,17,19,7,1,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,4,15,4,8,17,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,6,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.17306696419988754,0.0,0.0,0.1733033132354903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081904484744965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891189540851315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840601804199651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713728983382475,0.16042225264102467,0.0,0.16946449432582208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690188298898072,0.2533962094798061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012924542200514,0.10079147892436542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879122440515267,0.0,0.1750953430225476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746632901549207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505335757458255,0.17328744931470855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136782421242153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201762188299796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692498916066453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946758585939969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234422841274808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948657645948488,0.14132412875264286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670486028824073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510569584677871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460498867473696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614674040861343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,esmerayrainbow,2019/02/17,"Hopeless There's no hope for me. I'm better off dead. I lost my health insurance, so I won't be able to see a counselor anymore. We can barely afford food because all our bills are so high. I hate this country. Nobody cares about people here unless they are rich CEOs or politicians. Whoever says the United States is the greatest country in the world is blind. I want to kill myself because of the way things are. I can't deal with the stress and fear every day. ",2.418719806763285,4.696369326086956,3.018405797101451,91.62900966183577,78.56521739130434,4.958454106280193,22.17874396135266,5.82211442006289,0.2464381642512077,366,11,72,2,9,114,75,92,0.252,0.57,0.179,-0.8583,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,2,0,1,2,5,10,2,2,6,0,9,3,0,0,1,8,16,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,1,3,11,4,9,13,2,7,0,2,2,0,5,4,0,2,1,46,13,1,0.21661816709048026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482701471590085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640968481624412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158116550289966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085665819279024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397007973995153,0.22332381859848704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251014843866792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375566141204624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619355474875507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386559340419825,0.0,0.23025498209501996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288689866937441,0.0,0.21515071686229545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965590723406985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364643181581117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017576228968088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722634608869447,0.0,0.0,0.17261663352247575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24813537852575526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391148488990105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776700733314889,0.17194141829069026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kokopellidream,2019/02/17,Jeez haven’t been on this sub in a minute I just feel like a waste of space to everyone in my life ,0.08826086956521806,1.3111076086956537,1.7210869565217382,103.2059782608696,81.6086956521739,6.339130434782609,15.847826086956525,7.1686216300943375,-0.6748086956521742,77,1,22,1,2,25,21,23,0.126,0.762,0.112,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6146688005830087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252549197408603,0.4595497858500385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543582215321724,0.3142675669322512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RockerChik94,2019/02/17,"My thoughts I’ve always had this feeling like I’m not doing as much as I can in this world, and that I’m not changing the world in any way. So really, what’s the point in living?",4.937249999999999,3.1523142250000014,6.0749999999999975,87.13000000000002,69.25,9.0,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.1460000000000004,139,3,34,1,2,47,29,40,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,5,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31089665565235697,0.0,0.0,0.25408657751544883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952593445779589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188922543542917,0.2669269829848029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254059967851774,0.0,0.3299291018780205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746668401807122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35320857610840684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393619996210908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966267485831113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965763653502461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stepmomneedsadrink,2019/02/17,"Every day recently there’s been a voice in my head whispering “Kill yourself.” The voice is relentless. It haunts me. It knows when I’m most vulnerable. I can’t escape it. 

I’ve already been hospitalized three times for suicide attempts. 

I think this time I could plan it perfectly. No chance of anyone stopping me. No chance of failing. 

People would be shocked. From the outside looking in, I’ve got it all. A wonderful husband. An amazing stepdaughter who I have an incredible relationship with. A fantastic job. A brand new home. An adorable dog. All I’m missing is the goddamn white picket fence. 

But what they don’t see is all the ugliness lurking beneath the surface. The pain and the suffering. They don’t see how my mind is actively rebelling against my will to live. They don’t understand that every day is a battle. They don’t understand what an immense accomplishment it is to simply make it through the day. To exist. To breathe. Something that comes so easily to them, is so painfully hard for me. 

I’ve been sick for as long as I can remember. I’m tired. I’m tired of the psychiatrist appointments and the therapist sessions and the never ending cocktail of medications. I just want to rest. To be at peace. To break the chains of anxiety and depression and be free. 

I don’t want to die. But I fear there’s no other choice. ",2.1555467720685115,4.998174936758897,3.3976284584980228,84.3584716732543,86.19367588932806,7.019235836627141,27.42951251646904,8.101407402915765,2.3618073781291167,1061,50,195,25,33,343,145,253,0.255,0.61,0.135,-0.9872,1,0,1,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,5,5,7,15,3,1,21,0,24,8,2,2,5,31,42,13,3,4,3,1,1,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,14,7,1,2,6,1,1,1,10,11,0,1,4,8,19,5,27,32,5,19,0,4,4,0,8,5,0,2,12,129,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790049444184006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252915620985358,0.0,0.0,0.09371376006456636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154511183352554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700847222910437,0.0,0.0,0.2593061188780826,0.0,0.11543598427226925,0.0,0.1390973302036574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870683013197253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258445627056859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081597168592112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107192452073637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006054092225625,0.0,0.13754885022398894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344385246657811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329996484522744,0.0,0.14827938071427707,0.0,0.07365692090420034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183469899143482,0.11860836795648574,0.11254768188887714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946307554670457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501661153443026,0.0,0.0,0.13532756915403152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336874369113544,0.12944268270234122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285225206269664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291642041128337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323340323684139,0.14389325118557586,0.15182478782219533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360197472367856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031793934459172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205133626292996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660216602080672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561395912130854,0.0,0.08587814171530346,0.0,0.0,0.15630271742032456,0.3080852393418082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27905058665850785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810344874639112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534495965392086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520788426368187,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shufflebot123,2019/02/18,"I don't want to be a stranger I've been depressed for so long i don't remember being happy. My girlfriend just broke up with me and i feel so alone. She's gone because I can't do anything because of how depressed i am. Its so hard, I can't even help myself. I need someone to talk to me every morning, i need that reassurance. I need to feel like someone likes new and not just out of pity. I can't be myself around anyone. I don't want to be a stranger. I don't want to be someone who is nobody to any one. I feel like nobody can see me. Cutting would help but i would disappoint so many people. It would be worse than what i feel now. Help me",0.3914285714285733,2.2399358571428607,2.385714285714286,95.76928571428572,83.28571428571428,4.8571428571428585,21.42857142857143,5.773587663045528,-0.0388571428571427,500,16,117,3,14,167,74,140,0.214,0.705,0.08,-0.8975,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,1,0,2,0,21,0,0,1,0,24,33,8,0,9,4,0,5,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,2,6,23,5,15,22,0,7,0,5,1,0,8,3,0,0,6,80,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687955165562908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964403636410842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916168266029472,0.0,0.11670323544208752,0.12624711909826902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290054718327386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442933979406858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936687332301133,0.0,0.11948686533410133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286827568420763,0.20262806131982086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509667404810171,0.12704009796163962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28517066132403823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078537400644959,0.0,0.0,0.12550350488608292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378009027803176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154663310940004,0.0,0.13696765785497536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960988101923676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983179907455018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065091636082535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130097182023667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604830293633012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398706237607953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509418681091155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452354964315015,0.3022279972420923,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nullfier,2019/02/18,"I can't believe I want to die again I'm 18, the last time I was seriously contemplating suicide was when I was 15. I haven't been 100% OK since then but at least I didn't plan on killing myself. 

But three years later I find myself in the same exact spot, fucking up school just as badly, except this time I'm legally an adult and I don't have my mother to LEGALLY fall back on. She is retiring, I wish I could be of support to her instead of a burden. I'm gettick kicked out of high school AGAIN. I've been to two different ones, I'm already a year behind because of this.

I was planning on being famous by this point. Guess things don't work that way. I burnt all (100%) of my savings a mere two weeks after my 18th birthday on a trip to Japan, just to let myself live a little and experience something before I died.

I've done almost everything I've wanted to do, gone to Japan, dyed my hair a crazy color. Not a lot else motivates me. I have access to heroin, I want to go that way. Always have, deep down.


I'm just really baffled and disappointed that I'm back here again. And like the last time I was right on the edge, my family only seems to push me off. When I was feeling better, maybe a year ago, I told them about my previous suicide attempt with oxycodone. They cried. But now I'm showing the symptoms again, that I'm getting bad, I even explicitly told my mother I'm back in that state of mind. 

But she only makes the same mistakes she did last time. Lash out at me, call me a piece of shit child. Oh well. Part of me wants to die, to prove a point, to let her know it's her fault for being selfish. The other part of me just wants to get out, for this to be over with.

I gave it another three years, I crossed a lot of my bucket list. And that's enough for me to check out forever. 

I'll meet you all in the infinite conciousness, I guess. Hasta la vista baby. ",2.1581729539641934,3.5978426521739166,3.6914250319693096,90.35982296994888,76.44245524296677,6.524328644501279,22.448929028133,7.1686216300943375,0.593703900255754,1451,40,322,16,32,481,201,391,0.174,0.758,0.068,-0.993,1,0,1,0,0,4,52.0,0,1,2,6,20,17,3,0,20,1,27,4,2,2,5,49,57,13,6,8,10,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,14,11,0,0,6,1,1,6,6,11,1,6,15,3,49,6,56,35,11,60,0,1,1,1,18,24,2,6,28,212,63,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924309468219898,0.0,0.08951597717756322,0.0,0.0986493825711562,0.0,0.07438363323086429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937382402129327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062172450258868,0.1492818446675853,0.0544942391479953,0.0,0.07606838888752931,0.10071732493616857,0.0,0.07906243426839525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128208372862087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137447210790088,0.0,0.0981959879821925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783330602173812,0.09339853723092294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148191559802893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467788286607692,0.0,0.0,0.09236872310320228,0.0,0.05904442099793843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034228026161158,0.08744526599248212,0.08427345965160361,0.0,0.045200695898292426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170522587823882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264405029231063,0.09341018467534573,0.0,0.05080512382570593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695689698252808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445051223615453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890209908154823,0.0,0.049129043122632665,0.21860607528332685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828244753418688,0.0,0.04367378281293503,0.08959707248449683,0.07893724445117582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520005209977258,0.0,0.0,0.05967172184856768,0.0,0.08980909010100148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026326242033192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605762287022686,0.13597754437493995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361170961909369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901395818565387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057268596704142485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634266907473734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094461633843076,0.0,0.08138166669483005,0.0,0.0,0.09176247554242704,0.07394830071270217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882048295997231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556679936906896,0.1014441574308105,0.0,0.0929154238124317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938993159743955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850730250631186,0.0,0.0,0.17084112089961054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465145621080086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26363684009412097,0.14191485938545034,0.07170711477044713,0.0,0.08037665931471984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279960596937596,0.0,0.0,0.06508047765444698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302692760369699
suicidewatch,the0bc,2019/02/18,"hello I'm really bored of life. I'll be 16 in a couple months, and by that point I'll have been out of school for 2 years. all I do all day is sleep and play video games, I have no job, no talents, and no real friends. Everything is just kind of boring, I don't particularly like doing anything and I treat the games that i play as an obligation of sorts instead of a fun pastime. Lately I've lost motivation to do anything at all though, so I might try and kill myself if i dont start feeling better soon",4.874049844236758,4.2460881962616845,6.1425700934579455,82.78650311526482,68.90654205607476,9.002492211838009,28.113707165109034,8.344100000000001,1.6549576323987545,395,11,88,5,6,134,74,107,0.209,0.627,0.16399999999999998,-0.525,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,13,1,0,4,0,12,2,1,1,3,16,16,9,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,8,9,12,12,3,10,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,7,55,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403090882123467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287174785211366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22878767999517924,0.0,0.13334989861723487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423335438683153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583203709601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454940250121864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975041349599925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051878649910764,0.0,0.2287609772282913,0.21531970841802012,0.0,0.0,0.23324618593567506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460481539235497,0.10101764601887124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257144800884807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193508771603961,0.0,0.0,0.16504227976926852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546500326495647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353501529719609,0.13246250856344774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926283487495867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069198765480847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635325905810267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315101488551504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038363021989028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331534545299051
suicidewatch,EllieDeLille,2019/02/18,"How can I learn to forget? Hi guys, I don't post much, I just felt like I need/wanted some advice, because I am somewhat lost, I don't think it's nearly as serious as some other cases here, but it's getting worse.

​

So my predicament is that I, well, fell in love with one of my closest friends, and you guys might've heard this several times over, but they aren't interested in a romantic relationship at all.  


This would be fine if it ended at that, but there hasn't been a day that I go without thinking about her. She's one of the smartest, competent person I know. We share many common interests and have some of the more fun conversations I've had in my life. She's one of the three people I know that I can have a deep conversation with and challenge my views while staying fair about it.

​

I've had some of the greater times of my recent life when we got really close around 5-6 months ago, but it has only drifted off since then, and only day by day, I yearn for that same time of connection again, only more and more is she growing away from me, and now we don't talk about anything fun anymore. Every conversation turned into ""what was your work"" or something else arbitrary.  


But here, is where I am lost. My depression, my fault in life right now, is a curse trapping me between talking with a shell of a person I once knew or turtle-ing up to put myself into something even more dark. And now that she's moved across the country, it only adds another psychological element to my sin.

​

I don't want to go directly to her and tell her I am depressed and it's her fault, that's just shitty for me. I have honestly no clue, what to do now. Every day is getting darker and darker. Sometimes, I wish for some miracle to happen and to revitalize what once was. It gets so unbearable sometimes, yet I can't cry. It won't let me.  


I just wanted to say Help, I wanted to say it for so long. How can I learn to not rely on someone else's company. How can I learn to forget?",4.942054455445543,5.203661888613863,5.754479207920793,82.58854059405941,68.72772277227723,8.741227722772278,29.031287128712872,8.608573733854374,1.975491603960396,1569,52,324,23,25,515,204,404,0.123,0.718,0.159,0.9583,0,0,2,0,0,0,63.0,3,2,1,5,26,21,0,0,11,0,33,4,0,3,1,63,55,30,0,7,13,0,1,1,1,2,3,3,0,4,23,22,0,0,9,0,0,7,11,9,1,4,11,5,50,12,52,40,14,52,1,5,1,1,33,21,0,9,23,232,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978771341374682,0.07237805106244294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26540414870927725,0.29764209964654564,0.0,0.08561744293107805,0.0,0.0,0.08097514252902678,0.0,0.0,0.0671912274127962,0.07268606442150947,0.0,0.0,0.0767131304211401,0.0,0.0,0.04977325582097182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968900395429305,0.21063071598894484,0.0,0.1406505414721151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641667178680306,0.0,0.07231791732775647,0.0,0.0,0.05392924311045568,0.0,0.1375877731425841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839707797298705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630828075669857,0.0,0.12797671159799762,0.0,0.09280747707387844,0.0,0.06530319172538387,0.0,0.0,0.1616932381695651,0.07220307727775224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054728464850457736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974572247687977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349294828039218,0.17301603271975613,0.03989020488412022,0.0,0.0,0.07225793274676102,0.0,0.0,0.17826186237521624,0.0,0.07369256995699297,0.0,0.0,0.08278057336377474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661804918523935,0.0,0.0,0.06517247841341031,0.08678133108124693,0.06002235419944185,0.06054265166206117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739097772706403,0.1659850385109172,0.24839488385922026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660602681601231,0.14258775874265878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819840270525932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208108827870406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052307263278272745,0.0,0.08061980596927748,0.08766184921029073,0.0,0.06972889717008704,0.0,0.12986316750070548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922415811008772,0.0,0.06754195941526196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918202142568354,0.12571675676714336,0.16150843910552534,0.0,0.0,0.08702833978114621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312548122803055,0.0713659478795342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463641133242467,0.0,0.0,0.14283281320805266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888120634953765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926378140661872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341341192491574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938937980639203,0.07870796094081726,0.0,0.059442379853192125,0.0,0.0832086158862002,0.058002019727734964,0.0,0.29764209964654564,0.0
suicidewatch,UnknownBroken,2019/02/18,I cant take this anymore Im obsessed with suicide. I hate my life so much. I want you to know how much you hurt me and how much i love you but its not worth breaking no contact. I just cant take this life anymore my life is terrible. Everyone i love breaks my heart and i just wanna hurt. I want you to know my pain. Fuck me. ,-1.4758333333333304,0.5060008611111115,0.8207777777777814,102.00200000000002,95.94444444444444,3.9911111111111115,18.31111111111111,5.6839178017228535,-0.5537988888888887,250,8,63,2,10,83,40,72,0.32,0.525,0.155,-0.9404,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,4,0,0,5,9,2,1,0,0,3,8,1,2,0,14,13,6,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,18,2,4,13,3,2,0,2,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,41,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420101905330519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647650912200158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940956619227115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023979140929738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043314180828376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691816377560248,0.0,0.18625493518506486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952699980022467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653790809602155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112511951779128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802696016614252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347860916558809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861139149622988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592931186763033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034083961909364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnatolianFire,2019/02/18,"I don’t want to continue anymore I’m plagued by a chronic illness that was caused by my stupid fucking coworker and rendered me hearing impaired. I’m 25 and I’ve been suffering this pain for 4 months now and there’s no treatment or cure or any help out there. I have distortion, pain, sensitivity, ringing, hear my heartbeat in my ears, clicking every time I swallow and fullness in my ear. I literally do not go out anymore because the doctor said that I have to baby my ears from here on out and that the slightest of things may make my condition worse. I literally do not want to get out of bed in the mornings, there’s nothing I can do to make myself feel better because all the hobbies I had before this stupid fucking incident are off limits for me, music sounds terribly odd, talking to people physically causes me pain. I want to just rot in my bed. I can’t fathom being like this any longer. I need help but I don’t know what to do.",5.176479500891265,5.788507962566848,6.136697860962568,78.82112522281642,68.3048128342246,8.586274509803923,33.76515151515152,8.59863814320734,2.743848841354724,747,34,142,11,12,248,111,187,0.128,0.812,0.06,-0.9074,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,4,0,5,0,16,12,3,4,1,28,33,8,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,6,8,2,0,8,9,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,10,23,2,24,27,2,16,0,1,1,2,6,11,2,3,5,95,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732471724401968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877694540261496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768841919305119,0.0,0.1234561277503545,0.0,0.0,0.12831535054232218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980832624911299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850001830752246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223985386540763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335902559307854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682563566787174,0.07580060430564907,0.0,0.08245480085916737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32704129813773564,0.0,0.1944940133209399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973458505829822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088090321285714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936899104439456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158049738772316,0.0,0.0,0.10757823493698328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392123827063689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631400523718257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005832464301883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800847645589456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661333493383055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638762026653534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459987306015206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567235921755833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785338571809248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CoeurDeMeduse,2019/02/18,"Crisis Lines? I had overwhelming suicidal thoughts tonight so I used 741741 (Crisis Text Line) because I have no one else to talk to. Our conversation went like this(sorry for formatting):

Counselor: Hello, thank you for reaching out. My name is \*\*\*\*\* and I am here to help. You said that you want to die, are you having thoughts of suicide?

Me: yes i just can't keep living i have nothing to live for or look forward to it's just constant pain and confusion

C: Alright, thank you for your honesty. Do you have a plan for how you would kill yourself if you were to?

M: i don’t know i guess i would try to overdose

C: Do you currently have access to the drugs that you would use to overdose?

M: i’m not sure

C: Do you have a specific timeframe in mind for when you might kill yourself?

M: i don’t know soon i guess

C: Alright, thank you for answering those questions. These things are not easy to talk about but you are doing a great job communicating so far.

M: could i overdose on \*\*\*\*\* and \*\*\*\*\*?

C: How would you feel is we focused on what we can together do to get you the help you deserve together?

I apologize for the typo, ""if we focused""

M: there isn’t anything we can do i'm just going to go to bed thank you for listening

C: Sleeping is a good technique to help yourself and sounds like a great plan. I hope that you have a restful night.

Then the conversation was closed by the counselor. This service’s goal is to make people feel heard and cared for in a crisis but I feel the complete opposite. I feel more alone than I did before. The counselor takes a long time to reply and it leads to me overthinking even more and falling deeper into the ""crisis"". Does anyone have any suggestions to these lines? I posted this to r/depression before I knew this sub existed.",0.9917103119909784,3.5591394985590803,2.3144925447938856,91.90459434907906,89.17291066282421,5.322866808670593,22.81725347700789,6.8959733430537185,0.8627825335171031,1374,53,278,20,46,440,177,347,0.094,0.7290000000000001,0.177,0.9837,2,1,1,0,0,2,79.0,5,20,0,4,13,19,2,2,16,3,38,3,1,6,1,56,71,18,5,9,10,0,4,2,0,5,2,4,1,0,13,14,0,1,11,0,0,6,7,5,0,1,10,9,47,14,40,55,3,24,0,1,1,0,40,9,0,9,12,186,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370859688082087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809453516948878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001600193573485,0.0,0.0824017275565202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061040740341939535,0.0,0.17041327108735932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209325873698066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498856523699276,0.1082092512324614,0.0,0.07994882921751292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624524395021729,0.0,0.10392325453684577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762791429202205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612361788817972,0.0,0.08364908527182671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613754457580875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025229811253646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052315867853255024,0.0,0.11381688853615585,0.08398762546828219,0.0,0.2207961167895788,0.2206177202440472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135307348181405,0.0,0.0,0.09945562874946302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936751696944716,0.08900367580507135,0.2215668093984812,0.0,0.11006202532169462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784080218808594,0.0,0.17684026484952536,0.08861541479836131,0.08408731767421218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684020432366848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622632098368344,0.10110676743008563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396895010829984,0.0,0.09608124742430832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785337138237937,0.0,0.10654960691225132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942028862032376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590066625046748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217296614910434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525033847728254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020628824761113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209178433745218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906062744305105,0.0,0.094375084223509,0.0,0.07528828563627862,0.16096778848162785,0.0,0.3687596345180405,0.0,0.0,0.06652456204993587,0.0,0.0,0.15899037848526784,0.05838892473166234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798439448996757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296720418246733,0.0,0.0,0.0590616114743816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928251958830468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845292048600084,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MikeOxlong912,2019/02/18,Been thinking about ending my like everyday for the past few months. Things just haven’t been good at all lately. I have always been suicide and tried to do it one on my 22 bday and told my self I wouldn’t try it again but it’s been real hard lately. I love with my partner for over a year and they are the literal love of my life. I’m 25 now and I had quite a few relationships ranging from one night stands to being with people for years and I just know that my SO I’m with now is the one. I can’t even imagine being with anyone else and for the past months they just have been real distant and calling me ugly and useless and stupid all the time but I still can’t imagine my life without them. And all this and my shit construction job that I work from sunrise to sunset 5-6 times a week is just getting to me. They moved to the spare bedroom tonight and I’m in bed alone just crying non stop and can’t stop thinking about killing myself. Everything is just so hard and difficult I really can’t take it anymore. ,2.6677469478357385,4.125688660377364,3.52258601553829,92.01886237513877,75.13207547169812,6.308990011098777,23.319644839067703,6.794906146795322,0.5414031076581574,804,23,176,7,17,256,113,212,0.196,0.7390000000000001,0.066,-0.9839,1,1,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,4,2,15,9,3,0,9,0,21,5,1,0,3,40,32,18,2,1,9,0,2,1,1,1,2,1,2,2,8,18,0,2,5,0,0,1,7,5,0,3,7,3,24,4,23,22,5,27,0,1,0,2,11,4,1,0,22,122,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289239783746293,0.0,0.0,0.10357752436217538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345094063409524,0.08703947204891767,0.1275447073811364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271082339025658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673568896434568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398726031397013,0.0,0.11025253725993746,0.0,0.0,0.08221801878624702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118748053793218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503578313294434,0.0,0.0,0.10440811210716258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230196737081273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123527421970924,0.0,0.13771893267561916,0.0,0.06841107969452331,0.0,0.2808382458137841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584813739909408,0.060814753283900236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246965375991414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871786605887606,0.1323027859768009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681626457227196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530530789496781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376609320545956,0.08629891887489496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240004858401944,0.0,0.2833715108674022,0.07974522368248121,0.0,0.0,0.13364518301224745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986002939709768,0.0,0.12777716862162505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941007353031647,0.20814209447965126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616116910566134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359364219717392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269913446966819,0.1595238118776199,0.0,0.0,0.1451708478531121,0.0,0.0,0.11894619550997128,0.0,0.16902781193943134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985053303359588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199945009056633,0.0,0.09062309095381046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603223754515615
suicidewatch,Graveyardgirl357,2019/02/18,A little farewell to those who never knew me. I've lurked here for a while. Dont have much of a family. And I definitely dont have friends. So I know I wont be missed. Work will probably miss me because it means they'll have to train someone else to do my shitty job. I'm 23 and feel like it's my time to go. I'll be honest. My life wasnt too terrible despite always being a background character. A verified irl npc with no quest to give and no significance  just there as filler.  I just feel like I'll never make it past this barrier life gave me when I was 17. No matter how hard I try its 1 step forward 2 steps back. No friends. Gf hates me. Parents hate me. So later dudes. Catch yall on the flip side. I'm goin out to Drift Dive by the Antlers. Take care of yourselves better then I did. ,-0.3155574229691851,1.8501097411764709,1.7965546218487385,96.6006862745098,89.8235294117647,5.120448179271709,18.68347338935574,6.655083550727371,-0.026711484593837653,616,18,145,8,21,205,116,170,0.16399999999999998,0.695,0.141,-0.4572,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,2,10,12,2,0,7,0,15,2,0,2,2,18,32,10,0,0,2,1,3,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,6,10,5,0,0,5,3,17,7,14,21,1,19,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,12,81,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355736843134384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528576723481866,0.0,0.0993227199889694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410139756534246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612151316466708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819135843402818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610999190451625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535991577521797,0.0,0.16476809777342533,0.2327993811962118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517639615391118,0.0,0.0,0.15630061372633738,0.09259883552170194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459563695173293,0.3217261030831321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168630997377526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954396409028045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23016943119328884,0.15920210903055745,0.16330212296461513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875934434700672,0.0,0.0,0.1774822947050554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977483451500487,0.0,0.2513286452789693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091831646884546,0.0,0.15553841614973782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756698188036741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380529850618859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225056785158914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500780608316647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062111861227353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186174935164465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,barefacedblonde,2019/02/18,"I hadn't spoken to anyone in 3 days. I had the weekend off. I spent it smoking joints. I even liked it. I think it's good to keep silent for a while. Words can't express everything.

Weed is potentially the love of my life, assuming that exists. It's an expensive habit, but I like feeling numb more than I like feeling any other emotion, I like to feel disconnected. Detached. Anything to get away from reality and all its complexities. Then I went to work today. It's a new job, only my third shift. I had a fight with my mom before work. I'm living in her basement now so I have to talk to her sometimes and more often than sometimes it ends badly. I ended up coming in a few minutes late - maybe 5 - 7 minutes. I got fired 4 hours later. The lateness. I hadn't been pushing customer service. I'd been on my phone (taking pictures of the cafe for their Snapchat page.) I tried to explain the situation to the managers but they didn't care, they made up their mind. 

The economy is in downturn where I live and trying to find a job as a person with a lot of mental disabilities (especially ADHD) puts me at significant disadvantage. I'd been applying for jobs for months - it took me 4 months to land a job that was an hour away from my parent's house and offered no benefits. 

I'm highly neurotic and the loss of the job tipped me over the edge. After talking with my therapist, she was threatening to call the police, so I drove myself to the hospital willingly. (I live in Canada so the healthcare is free.) I'm sitting on the bed in the hospital typing this out now. Many similar experiences have taught me how to talk my way out of these situations, and I can maintain a degree of politeness and calmness even when I am relatively upset. 

If I could push a button and check out, no consequences for anyone else, I'd press it in an instant. I don't have any desire to live. Anything I'm doing to maintain my life right now is just inertia. I go through the motions and do what people tell me to. 

I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a real person yet. The truth of it is I'm not afraid of dying. Maybe in the moment I will be, but just in the moment. I'm afraid I haven't been alive enough, and that's what really holds me back I think. ",2.4665311804008923,4.388704002227176,4.267037305122496,84.4630058463252,76.90645879732739,7.16260579064588,25.033463251670376,8.07648339933343,1.529370111358574,1743,62,351,30,40,589,234,449,0.123,0.809,0.068,-0.9824,7,0,0,0,1,0,57.0,0,0,4,3,19,19,1,4,33,0,30,4,0,2,2,47,58,23,1,3,8,2,5,4,0,2,3,0,1,2,18,17,0,2,9,1,4,9,10,8,0,1,18,5,48,12,61,36,7,60,0,1,0,1,22,25,0,4,28,234,66,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184946496246762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526177723863068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851419204447727,0.08683335036964197,0.1394791746805792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924525463076325,0.06516523734499052,0.07076023276695434,0.0,0.0,0.07211348326884047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653619609903376,0.0,0.08640524835670227,0.0,0.0,0.07300206501535726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676636100152667,0.0,0.0,0.054654825413493084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795404054470002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079527166767867,0.09532900561807882,0.15012143417955845,0.08756633952002825,0.0,0.1119492322112595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616516884553146,0.08289886006934967,0.0,0.0,0.12855193892252267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745725294719831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427682699895572,0.0,0.048163691916670096,0.07108179058298553,0.06777994417266381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953989342335034,0.0,0.0,0.16691751326129675,0.09778669786282007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204917684356321,0.07532705692556133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119668935436054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971867151645373,0.16561247857236466,0.0,0.2993327315205678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204889697369109,0.07648750613338792,0.0801896918330654,0.0,0.08592019000805998,0.17027957108343875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540507666725845,0.0,0.08557034478492398,0.09925470093087853,0.1352885466006408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184921267681604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445393753322817,0.0,0.0,0.0941015511414926,0.0,0.0,0.0587529221168871,0.1479956809450397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519417557043378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646067717414017,0.054291119486707035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237350323219799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051843197053892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763396545794534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371922200575833,0.20434936517722585,0.07407264232115339,0.0,0.0,0.09839783732611848,0.0,0.10860495377261654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033027818465298,0.0,0.09415707204099344,0.11507534509049595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726825023876827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856134874387102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339369888328243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,c_anthony,2019/02/18,"I'm in relationship with a girl I can't stand and life will never get better. I feel like the subject sums this up pretty well. I'm an almost gay dude in a relationship with a girl I can't stand because I can't afford to leave. I pretty much hate her but she's whittled away so I am until I have no choice but to stay. I own an (admittedly broken down) house on 2 acres that I'll never be able to live in thanks to her.  
   
Stay single folks. It's not worth it.",1.0449019607843155,2.5715513333333355,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,79.78431372549021,6.101960784313726,18.196078431372552,6.937597516519254,-0.0561450980392153,364,7,85,4,9,126,68,102,0.135,0.736,0.129,-0.3773,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,0,2,11,14,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,1,11,4,14,12,3,14,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,4,54,15,0,0.18547895670129394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857303827565603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009663720935624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426358541475873,0.0,0.0,0.11306625045167402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640410644147556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378373352725844,0.13250620372785232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969050995148016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312206991551586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401781315187532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639543409951948,0.0,0.0,0.13100927238254234,0.09061564934026582,0.0,0.16378131689925599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363483746577355,0.0,0.2861056116460343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37739755970761607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982699718707728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953917781662345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076410344681495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676785720167836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jen00Y,2019/02/18,"I don't see any other escape from what I'm going through. I'm not going to commit suicide because I don't want to hurt my family, even if it means I have to suffer for them not to. But I need help.  If leaving my misery is not an option, then what options do I have?",2.3102542372881345,2.623269474576272,4.762500000000003,87.18917372881359,74.59322033898304,6.5779661016949165,23.224576271186447,5.985473137389443,0.4688271186440676,205,5,46,1,4,73,39,59,0.231,0.6559999999999999,0.112,-0.8241,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,14,4,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,7,14,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415701397246728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919728602267605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080022871522965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968794012626928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35795361445483354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108484385574924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371293413243062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33345576658771026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430411869300626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335098601361977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509511877221781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444723554935102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574850863249584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway919911919,2019/02/18,"I want to die but I can't I feel like my problems are nothing compared to what the others face.  I feel like killing myself would be selfish and I'm just being edgy and looking for attention, even thought my life is shit and I'm a fucking horrible looking autist. And what happens next? Void? Reincarnation? Eternal torture in hell? What will happen to my parents? I also fear that I'd be treated as another ""suicide awareness"" symbol kind of bullshit. I just wanted to cease existing, quick and easy. No heaven, no hell. Just void. No one to remember me.",1.2608067226890791,3.8802543523809554,2.664537815126053,86.9601680672269,95.95238095238096,4.756302521008403,28.0812324929972,6.522977012572876,1.7376106442577028,437,23,76,6,17,141,74,105,0.475,0.466,0.06,-0.9972,1,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,14,6,1,2,0,8,4,2,0,0,18,20,8,3,4,4,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,1,4,11,5,9,14,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,1,4,0,5,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488410214389047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951642605693723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316437548483495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293126837706025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943804558431064,0.1882168978673492,0.2659299824802401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206600987087384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291726476598787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059154832879625,0.19381654317761174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314628769419473,0.18185879123806856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31258979093991546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979419612095897,0.0,0.0,0.17858826917261528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612051235338168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066655181027496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780928103553495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083898792200412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105069229560892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035863362917992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775940815688987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955816042177528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322151293493554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ialreadyreddit37,2019/02/18,"I dont know if i can go on anymore. I'm 20. I was homeschooled, so i was pretty much isolated all my life. Basically never had friends, didnt get to be around other kids except my brother, and i didnt get to be a teenager. Didnt see much of the outside world. I cant relate to people, i cant stand them, even though i want to relate to them. My parents were extremely strict, and it infuriates me to think of how strict they were. For example, they didnt let me go out on my own til i was 17. They are control freaks and they ruled over my life with an iron grip, not abusive, but ridiculously strict. 

I'm stuck in a house all the time and my life is going nowhere. I've suffered with mental illnesses all throughout my life, severe social anxiety, severe OCD, agoraphobia until recently, recent dissociation from reality, you name it. I have health problems, some of which may ruin my life at some point. I'm pathetic, i've had such a messed up life yet i've turned out to be such a soft weak human being. People dont respect me, because i dont work and because my parents had sheltered me all my life. No one knows me, no one ever did really, just my small family. 

I used to get so mad about my life, that i would always cuss and harm myself. I'd cut myself, run headfirst into a wall, punch myself in the mouth/nose till it bled, etc. I've spent whole years of my life walking around on the verge of a mental breakdown, and whole years walking around the house bored out of my mind with nothing to do. I spend whole weeks waiting to go to a church or social group, to spend 2 hours around people, then when nothing happens as usual i have to wait until next week. I'm getting more and more detatched from reality, and my memory is getting bad. ",4.093135593220339,4.8489757853107385,5.195833333333333,84.08239406779663,70.80790960451978,7.8209039548022625,26.896892655367232,7.9370924344782425,1.500211299435028,1364,43,281,17,24,451,186,354,0.197,0.772,0.031,-0.9962,2,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,1,6,2,16,14,3,0,13,0,32,12,0,3,6,48,57,23,0,4,6,3,2,0,1,2,12,0,0,2,6,20,0,3,3,0,3,7,13,12,0,2,15,3,45,2,48,35,15,48,1,2,1,0,17,21,0,5,19,189,51,1,0.0,0.09323797223695927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547862378326902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019969407978476,0.0,0.07804200522504967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802127192224859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570511092355018,0.0959406694333534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882605455870623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766817472731873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776315318658699,0.051975780976247936,0.0711820452634247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418446665969261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060797778725597634,0.0,0.20556841855584285,0.0,0.17889148162047327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958768775436362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364665188648275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749645030166227,0.18160160244483686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649489119399624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046860928484842,0.5002467809683343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586074498747881,0.0,0.07945718627547503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569636640956762,0.0,0.060692655412880436,0.0,0.08369057081785093,0.0,0.0,0.15101552088394773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664840952563998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747578438921528,0.0,0.0,0.16366681314432865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439002977853737,0.0,0.0,0.08005875841867223,0.0,0.07529827867782278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050412553613075714,0.0,0.1553990798211062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270788724177355,0.0,0.0,0.1778006862207377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043457922216778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042309963831365,0.0773151704624505,0.0,0.045886341604546896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559505185025228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796521989380147,0.08666888274944932,0.0,0.046414988669227775,0.0,0.12624506189594326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263572741418968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728921708818587,0.0,0.0,0.055901030677812005,0.0,0.0,0.10135102736695996
suicidewatch,DO_PM_ME_YOUR_HEART,2019/02/18,"Are we mentally ill? Some people are acknowledge to have the right to feel bad, under certain circumstances.  

If there were a person who is grieving because they lost their son/mom/whatever, they won't be told they are mentally ill/take pills/ grow up or probably even go to therapy. 

I have a hard time trying to understand how people can gauge where the line is to judge this.  I find it unfair the fact that I know that if I told people about my life, most of them would try to play the taught card with me. Maybe it's just that I cannot be easily emphatized with, because not many people will have the kind of life that some of us had to have. 

Where do I ground? if my life is very bad and nothing works out, how can I tell if I am  mentally ill or it's normal to feel this way?.

What do you think about you?",3.418714859437753,4.446295228915666,4.235120481927712,89.33754016064259,72.6144578313253,8.183935742971888,22.86947791164659,8.59863814320734,1.1343188755020086,632,15,140,11,12,203,100,166,0.153,0.82,0.027000000000000003,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,5,2,9,7,0,0,7,0,23,6,0,2,2,29,33,9,1,6,8,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,7,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,6,3,20,3,18,22,3,11,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,9,1,97,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996390027485986,0.16789325995922744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095603937901407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926044854356262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586428348093734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782636659864603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336095252324705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434035893902554,0.07568171734754553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918055618364113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032653935794832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961614620237606,0.138348026752694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163373359375439,0.0,0.0,0.1612840804371906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492638806477578,0.13213628930982002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818826081887681,0.12024290580714818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847448075662428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760343648561307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036445518726535,0.0,0.1574831842340951,0.0,0.0,0.08823889415745889,0.0,0.0,0.08029970527714328,0.0,0.0,0.2631752747756209,0.0,0.18699186073653246,0.0,0.0,0.14336078243498515,0.16564796141459462,0.0,0.0,0.11362502618905752,0.0,0.10930764770460667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025439132597487,0.0,0.0,0.0978251072356583,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RAMCND,2019/02/18,Scheme therapy I feel like I have spent the last year working on this type of therapy.  After my attempt it was pushed more and more.  Anyone have any luck or opinions on this.  ,1.937058823529412,4.583617117647059,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,83.70588235294119,5.752941176470588,23.20588235294117,7.1686216300943375,0.9950235294117648,138,5,27,2,4,43,28,34,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,4,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,18,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292867592270275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357566894012833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704829833100832,0.24087389218783964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748380686281877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472394148841146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7711652044837841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245463344430378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712604398707236
suicidewatch,shmokenapamcake,2019/02/18,"Happy [what would’ve been] 29th birthday When I was just 21 I went to rehab for painkillers and heroin. I was scared, empty inside and withdrawing badly. I did not want to be there but I knew I couldn’t live that way any longer. 

You were the first person to introduce yourself to me. You showed me around and made me feel comfortable. You told me what everyone else was in for; alcohol, benzos, coke, dope, bud, adderrall, etc. That next 28 days you were my go to. We were like peas and carrots, and shared our Dr. Jekyll and Mr, Hyde stories. We learned other people’s stories of why they were there with us. Because of fucked up childhoods, rape, depression, anxiety, deaths and no will to live. 

We chose each other to coin us out before leaving (giving our one day at a time coin). We read our goodbye letters to our drugs in front of the 18 women in our program. But before leaving you decided to stay a bit longer because you weren’t ready. 

You stayed almost 2 more months because you still had a burning desire. In that time they had dual diagnosed you with depression and bipolar disorder. They had you on your second try of medication to get you stable. It fucked with you.
You made comments like  “I wish I could smother myself” and “Heroin is my one true love”. And I did not take them seriously. 

You were out for 5 days and told me you relapsed. I told you to tell on yourself at your next meeting and to call our counselor from the rehab. She had told you to try getting to more meetings the next day and if it’s too hard they’ll send a car to pick you up that weekend. You told me you were okay and would talk the next day.

You commented on my Facebook later that night to thank me, tell me you were sorry and love me. 

I read it and I fell asleep. I could have replied.

The next morning I texted you to see how you were. And your mom called me sobbing. I fell to the floor.

I could have wrote more letters and called so much more. I could have told you more that you were worth it and let you know that you aren’t alone. I could’ve taken your suicidal comments seriously. It’s not that I think I could’ve done so much more, it’s that I know I could’ve done so much more. 

You would’ve turned 29 today. 
It has been over 6 years since your suicide and I don’t want to let go of this guilt because I don’t deserve to.

I’m posting this because I don’t want to tell anyone these feelings. I don’t want to hear that I couldn’t have done more. I especially don’t want to hear if it didn’t happen then, it would’ve happened at a later time. I just wanted to get it out.

I’m posting on here for the person who doesn’t think their life matters. It does. That’s your mind fucking with you and it is wrong. You matter and you are loved. Keep fighting because you’re so fucking worth it.",1.9948237995407825,3.998896063492065,2.7755622109081237,94.2176849356095,78.66490299823633,5.478539815646733,21.98559116169179,6.364525929208738,0.2299855512295759,2176,64,473,17,53,682,240,567,0.14800000000000002,0.743,0.108,-0.976,3,1,2,0,2,1,66.0,12,38,6,1,14,27,7,2,13,1,52,19,1,4,1,79,101,33,3,17,9,1,3,2,1,3,9,2,0,4,32,35,2,1,9,4,4,8,15,16,0,4,37,6,100,11,56,52,14,57,0,3,1,8,94,19,5,3,27,313,132,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061958489584348624,0.058054380634233765,0.06004543544394881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039425526316819615,0.0,0.044351321835773436,0.0,0.0,0.040538021443939184,0.0,0.0,0.051610746045663805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048407364279349926,0.21204902643884432,0.0,0.09866625695097524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329454875531637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759929571083108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240226640402142,0.0,0.0,0.1869479466050312,0.0,0.09986892858865952,0.058844208024836336,0.0,0.0,0.0664452798834652,0.0,0.05073500586220487,0.17798809050842748,0.0,0.0,0.06723351208227515,0.0,0.04843133453446337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465833276730368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539835330743091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058628604353088275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049314178660742884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143907402499816,0.09086987463980577,0.05561566204950314,0.06589795676131388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253560196869776,0.061716308141990986,0.051934921607287056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306858612190097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153154734095038,0.0,0.0,0.06372395765684342,0.0,0.0,0.12277598437928545,0.0,0.1185683496444166,0.04095001610737529,0.05664808654503493,0.0,0.10238737217817558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697624615278466,0.10971619148841552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058404510606550976,0.0,0.0,0.05853902240762339,0.06790054634533067,0.046275723680062934,0.0,0.12785663266975142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082895600800506,0.05440635296558555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857179353563144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019311401582383,0.10124444987160464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104956459861318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159829612104544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05804388128281004,0.0,0.046199199700505074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795817386112408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489915207286183,0.0,0.1235889596986162,0.04629954200837379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268322121700132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043590580056288235,0.046598745150009065,0.1520201915580159,0.05337631955003819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429709250855099,0.0,0.0,0.1014184508149967,0.0,0.05495427144160008,0.33239011984458544,0.0,0.07872351363955674,0.06306101301991576,0.0,0.0,0.13947547768573992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517374368159494,0.04601848476766508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053744139585386236,0.052314134300716526,0.0,0.06666929907001277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473735559235242,0.06338742684874761,0.0,0.03733450893604935
suicidewatch,GlitzerBlitzer,2019/02/18,"I’ve never not been in pain. I had a heart surgery when I was younger that left me with horrible chest pain for years. My parents refused to get that seen to. Over time, the pain starts to lessen. Then I wake up one day in agony. I’d diagnosed with a chronic condition. So far, the treatment has been ineffective. The condition is only deteriorating. Just as I think I can cope with everything, I’m forced to get a palatal expander. Now that wouldn’t be a problem at all if I wasn’t too old for one. My skull has already fully fused, so the point of the expander now is to break my jaw slowly. It hurts quite a lot. I can never get a break from pain. And that isn’t even counting the other issues in my life. What’s the point of living in agony? I just want peace.",1.3262499999999982,3.4674435477707064,2.667448248407645,93.41543988853505,81.67515923566879,5.70843949044586,21.914410828025478,6.9077264865688965,0.42787929936305735,595,19,133,7,16,192,96,157,0.136,0.7659999999999999,0.098,-0.7177,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,13,0,14,12,5,0,3,17,22,7,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,6,1,13,0,21,14,2,24,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,2,11,87,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258903228999771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501958528349512,0.0,0.0,0.1495430237238345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973140938338213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241617189327035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093106824221105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459396877684816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772632505596795,0.0,0.0,0.15378059243981745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008108622002062,0.0,0.10406783328024337,0.0,0.0,0.13010046137590586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525986971469225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726934171790075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460443542040747,0.0,0.19967748703090546,0.11205573099834044,0.6271039247990591,0.0,0.16359928508326685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785604449686879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098073408704434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671006114857874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428523849504824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440701337104172,0.0,0.0,0.08591285534769091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690263961049667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487960740647364
suicidewatch,Xx2Abattery,2019/02/18,"I try so hard, and I always fail. I ruin everything I touch. Every relationship, job or anything of meaning is always ruined by me. I’m a lazy sack of shit stoner who can’t even keep my own boyfriend sane... or happy for that matter. My friends don’t talk to me anymore because I get so scared seeing them. I worry how they’re gonna view me or take from what they see of me. I’m not who I used to be, and I hate who I’ve become. I don’t think I’ll ever go thru with the act of suicide... but when a car comes thru an intersection I’m walking thru, I sometimes wish it would take me out.. the only thing that keeps me going is my parents and my mom already has bipolar depression... and I don’t want to think I have the same thing as her because I don’t want to turn out like her... god I just wish the pain of failing over and over and over would just go away",1.951082949308756,2.867795951612905,3.675299539170509,92.37580645161295,76.04301075268819,6.174500768049157,22.963133640553004,6.18269132825596,0.2750811059907834,661,18,156,4,14,222,111,186,0.14800000000000002,0.738,0.114,-0.7444,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,2,8,12,2,1,7,0,12,3,1,2,1,33,37,15,1,6,7,2,2,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,9,10,0,2,3,0,0,7,6,9,0,0,0,5,28,3,23,33,2,16,0,5,3,0,12,7,1,3,3,100,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469085345522977,0.0,0.2215440232429179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202583393269307,0.0,0.0,0.10955186437561017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507684088123572,0.0,0.0,0.16230550270296765,0.1470278915410148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467679449662607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466176193690734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792887635195652,0.1204206485960698,0.11216491827464384,0.0,0.1196456211706122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285329566244836,0.0,0.06955316386808735,0.0,0.2269767765733013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417157614847057,0.11925530195830898,0.1314349750474357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210762765757875,0.23665811166495196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503894159475035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501391557832613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591628728694168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124879272170556,0.14165610882028049,0.0,0.14782135600953974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142928167640111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332829698204938,0.0,0.21216935888251756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665256139951346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166563030395964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561891394337806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001892994643935,0.1070021336657392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768868205910513,0.17060432417189714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038423569110697,0.14480353328254025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149786555204738,0.0,0.0,0.1570430582443404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061780838744008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519654379048002,0.0,0.18913866120308906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hortcoke,2019/02/18,"Could this be considered a suicidal behavior? Hello, I wonder if this could be considered suicidal behavior, and if I should tell my psychiatrist 

Without being totally conscious about it I have been closing my eyes around 2 seconds while driving.

It have been passing for the last couple weeks, and tho I am conscious that I’m closing my eyes, I’m not totally conscious to want to try to prevent it from happen ",8.794599999999999,8.649348160000002,8.871833333333337,64.85175000000001,60.73333333333333,12.3,44.08333333333333,11.698219412168324,5.644133333333333,332,19,51,9,4,109,48,75,0.121,0.8440000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.8532,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,11,2,2,0,2,20,16,6,2,6,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,7,0,8,8,2,8,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289339186534721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41065522144018735,0.284551346301807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274126897857433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962613009576636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5625997988457533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477604526413725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746000963803931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168426714942826,0.0,0.2062845456172224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247900640525992,0.2788875747338362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10234567432,2019/02/18,"The only thing stopping me from killing myself this week is my anxiety about the handling of my remains I can't bear the thought of someone finding my corpse and having to process it, have a family member identify it, play fucking dress up with it before they put me in a coffin, etc. I've been trying to plan a scenario in which I just disappear and everyone can move on as though I never really existed anyways. I thought about driving off as far as I can into the woods and then just continuing on foot until I felt sufficiently isolated that my remains wouldn't be uncovered, but I don't think that's a very good plan. I think my car would be found relatively easily and that the police/public health would show up with dogs to sniff out my rotting corpse. There's a good chance that I would be pretty decomposed/torn apart by scavengers that there wouldn't be much to recover, but I'm guessing that they would still bury whatever they found. That's not quite satisfactory to me. I thought about an ocean burial where I could tie weights around my feet and dangle my body over the side of the boat before blowing my brains out, but given that I have no nautical skills whatsoever to speak of that seems a little far fetched for a near-term suicide plan. Maybe I could get a tourist visa and buy a ticket to a foreign country and kill myself there, but then I wouldn't be able to use a gun. I also have suicide failure anxiety and I want to be able to shoot myself in the head to really guarantee that I will die instantly. What do you guys think would be best?",8.727152163797115,6.8098529413680815,8.33673569101908,74.34948697068405,61.931596091205215,11.768171242438342,36.912284783620294,10.451354775682146,3.596212843182877,1251,46,243,23,14,400,170,307,0.17800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.092,-0.9824,0,0,0,2,0,4,20.0,0,1,3,6,14,7,3,0,20,0,29,8,5,1,1,47,46,20,7,11,7,0,2,0,0,9,1,1,0,1,17,14,1,1,11,3,2,5,8,3,0,0,8,4,36,4,40,20,3,32,0,0,0,1,6,19,1,2,8,172,53,2,0.2159159488423932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633395314048904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517510987649014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610548565459102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372856950380834,0.0,0.11329523367732056,0.0,0.0,0.11991697219875795,0.0,0.12051680329983334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239131590999074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204333308317756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040167888136855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315847099680864,0.0,0.0,0.10177317027063001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365658551551957,0.0,0.09867163279736142,0.0,0.0,0.23674069334066886,0.0,0.09980540774077253,0.05640358583400139,0.0,0.0,0.181100053826192,0.0,0.0,0.1189278801146046,0.10689536780554444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079602763252226,0.11475427846725453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887900678485066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820225194755202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845829584410148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474224166203507,0.07936153300332235,0.0,0.08326384527163964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821069043199627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983207157875012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852758248591927,0.0,0.11482659460668213,0.0,0.0,0.13832128567228766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828088529510123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147244139021116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621537782776825,0.0902577006542178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361770034570031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172248114430259,0.2075253325714602,0.10606816173625047,0.2571197180030021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329637808443458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324102751136944,0.0,0.08907663517121038,0.06367641040828984,0.0,0.08659737515605193,0.1314637287973746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38345123781605994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foreversadgirl,2019/02/18,"I constantly regret staying alive I'm so sick and tired of pushing myself through life just to regret it. I never could have imagined making it to 22 years old and instead of feeling like I've accomplished something I just feel so fucking stupid for putting myself through this hell of existence. I've tried for ten years to get better and enjoy living but the older I get the more the world just keeps giving me reasons to die. I didn't even want to live as a healthy 12 year old so I certainly don't want to live as a chronically ill 22 year old.

I also think my boyfriend, one of the few things keeping me here, is finally fed up with me after six years.

""Do you think you're even capable of that? You've said you wanted to die a thousand times, don't expect me to take it seriously.""

He's right. I need to put an end to this soon or I'll have nothing but another years worth of regret.",2.8555677655677663,4.504722945054952,3.9892527472527486,88.07241391941393,75.04395604395604,6.831355311355313,25.869597069597074,7.554174236665415,1.2689680586080585,704,25,146,9,15,229,110,182,0.173,0.69,0.13699999999999998,-0.8521,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,13,11,3,0,8,0,8,7,0,2,2,30,27,12,2,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,4,1,2,6,0,1,3,4,7,0,4,3,3,17,4,25,23,2,24,1,3,0,1,5,3,2,1,18,90,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434201567450752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237037313486666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433648110197642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274856188424919,0.0,0.09419089266805464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448722316411545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044880098090454,0.0,0.0,0.15583853881137485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193001859107593,0.08427908627921651,0.0,0.12923235395834884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906303949916916,0.1232708056398319,0.1131693120664604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971753449971534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332697986867776,0.057635068503515074,0.0,0.3125138148148762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874710077658532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747460400526606,0.09098713437752702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319713561950967,0.0,0.3713747160429338,0.0,0.07994075314918246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371885107899973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129467122230067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007472831174244,0.11221820877077117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082046469004812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574225526302846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870012107663437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837523007106491,0.1511831476580616,0.0,0.0,0.06879031245648823,0.13559124388453606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009511667876335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087484943169333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558198755815659
suicidewatch,vicky1212123,2019/02/18,"Is it normal not to have friends? I'm sixteen and I've got no friends
Well I have one friend, but she keeps me around out of pity and we basically never hang out
Im kind of a weird kid, and having a gpa in the top percent doesn't help.
I don't know. I guess I'm basically asking if it's normal to really have nobody. I've got a lot of aquiantances but no real friends
I've already planned out how I'm gonna kill myself, I'm just waiting for the summer. The summer is always the worst. Ill sit around all day with nothing to do and nobody to talk to. I'm just so lonely and I want to stop existing",0.7690909090909095,2.3561877272727294,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,80.81818181818181,5.612121212121212,20.848484848484848,6.42735559955562,0.10291212121212157,468,13,110,4,12,160,79,132,0.293,0.654,0.053,-0.9889,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,2,7,11,1,0,7,0,9,1,0,1,2,31,23,10,1,4,6,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,12,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,2,0,8,6,17,20,4,14,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,3,5,64,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853319307315353,0.0,0.13974403085147352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29901403402745275,0.15700628278549578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831089249913256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190168134292336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26864256509253026,0.0,0.18501079802671191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257026488713268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140985706133425,0.0,0.0,0.14927759265929874,0.185806707537816,0.1748892952543614,0.0922984024795367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278117761349526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952984990259642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291016775828149,0.16114814568575336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380415294265643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115863890807536,0.10759012698136923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040987874332994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349881549434808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905855123089358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100308859817813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kira-riaexx,2019/02/18,Alone 4 days. What’s stopping me from doing it? I haven’t been alone since I relapsed into a depression. I don’t know if I can’t handle it.,-0.994032258064518,1.0557972580645192,1.89701612903226,95.26552419354843,92.54838709677419,4.390322580645162,17.427419354838708,5.985473137389443,-0.33694193548387075,109,3,25,1,4,38,24,31,0.354,0.6459999999999999,0.0,-0.8074,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.775542056434971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414604771943115,0.0,0.3224747796354423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576338900688168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30971197480815577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130196376549237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mxdisonm,2019/02/18,Sorry? I’ve been told I say I’m sorry to much. I just feel bad for existing.. ya know?,-4.3580000000000005,-4.382100799999998,0.13000000000000256,101.255,132.0,3.6,9.0,5.6839178017228535,-1.3697000000000004,64,1,17,1,5,24,16,20,0.332,0.6679999999999999,0.0,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28889559901260625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494802728893785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19015258517784112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434985656111303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751531364183262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7746374830615517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33061788637580364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Awer74,2019/02/18,Mental illness and assisted suicide? Hello reddit was just wondering if assisted suicide would be an option for me I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when I was 8 and was also diagnosed with schizophrenia last year. I’m on medication but it doesn’t help much I don’t have any quality of life I can’t hold down a job I hardly leave the house and I often get urges to hurt people and I’m extremely depressed. I know there is a clinic in the Netherlands that offers assisted suicide to those suffering from mental illness but after looking at their website it appears they don’t offer this service to non Dutch citizens. Is there any assisted suicide clinics that could help me end my life safely under medical supervision? I failed miserably at my last suicide attempt and assisted suicide seems to be the best option for me. ,6.975649350649352,8.126379941558447,7.5796363636363635,68.14945454545457,64.51948051948052,10.575584415584416,38.127272727272725,10.577609850970193,4.596568311688312,677,35,103,17,10,224,98,154,0.3,0.606,0.094,-0.9928,1,0,0,0,0,7,6.0,0,0,2,3,6,7,0,1,6,0,15,10,0,0,0,22,23,10,6,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,10,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,2,15,2,17,15,2,13,0,5,1,0,8,6,0,7,6,75,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047175616766227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386751131205031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872523362312935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032683278762446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744057299231457,0.22965354403011395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020152397955012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910688991909953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134420367256516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516602188147454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053933576284205,0.1211103287667962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226622300373323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217448244584354,0.184435637610272,0.0,0.1197906339507032,0.0,0.0,0.15981719599624336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500253046175502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279375200780624,0.22802123852384276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316516274060412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843160260942318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299127940882352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7424893969954292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268701340839255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036584826234065,0.0,0.0,0.07285340885350064
suicidewatch,180cm75kg20cm,2019/02/18,"Failing school because of lack of motivation, so I won't get into next year. I can't see the point of still being alive when everything in life keeps failing. I'm at my breaking point right now and thinking about ending it all every single day. I just found out that I was diagnosed with autism when I was younger, and my parents didn't tell me because of shame. I have ADHD too, so obviously my peanut of a brain isn't designed for these stressful fucking conditions that consist of waking up and daydreaming about never ceasing to exist at school, fuck fuck fuck djfuxk fuxk fuckj fucksjbducnd. 

Why does everything have to be so much harder than necessary, and why me? I just cannot imagine how some humans are in even worse situations, and are getting through all of this God forsaken fucking bullshit. Jeg vil dø, óg ingen liker meg",8.5425,7.858824229299363,8.07266719745223,72.13982882165607,61.48407643312103,10.652547770700638,38.09633757961785,9.827888789773867,3.7417140127388535,672,29,116,11,8,213,112,157,0.194,0.763,0.043,-0.979,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,14,9,5,2,2,0,13,9,2,2,4,22,25,11,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,4,1,12,0,22,18,6,20,0,2,1,5,3,10,5,1,9,78,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762383537778105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599027686246236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641329619742008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458466823318572,0.0,0.0,0.1331204194433071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477536171418533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616514743850162,0.0,0.0,0.0866271970856165,0.0,0.11050445410648578,0.0,0.23574882872586625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380561177778048,0.0,0.6062573153927248,0.13704702901494353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657733916130875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263925037657336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641463530515693,0.0,0.10115547132430112,0.0,0.13948572654942484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563304197411764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24796932916794956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120063729680774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654734296010421,0.1045142257583039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742466231130227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474122533157973,0.0,0.15023857458375384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463598737145354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403936810554098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366954959436469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336590085796648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446006252950346
suicidewatch,earringthrwy,2019/02/18,"Posted before, dead serious this time I am beyond ready to die. I have postponed my suicide so many one. Nothing changes. You can’t fix what I suffer from. I am a complete misanthrope through, and through. I’ve tried to think more positively, and have hope, but it is useless. I have enough money now to leave behind for my cremation, which makes me feel better. I feel awful for doing this to my family, but I cannot live any longer. ",2.884285714285717,5.180756714285717,3.8169047619047625,86.39892857142858,77.09523809523809,6.5809523809523816,24.785714285714285,7.6454224807358475,1.3548857142857151,340,12,65,5,8,109,63,84,0.236,0.655,0.108,-0.8675,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,1,0,9,14,5,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,12,2,11,14,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634528512314471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452841757107132,0.0,0.0,0.2125786388632549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542687121802498,0.0,0.2520125923757604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494554404552284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835584196861554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658975164133846,0.0,0.2430661918936623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387314349037513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450623725700805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122420355042728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044197888131548,0.2436870291543309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063163295391995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287396617820912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019816927479295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629145206659709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540128026591287,0.0,0.0,0.14015568509240506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631884716001081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doyrbest,2019/02/18,"I can’t do this anymore. I wish so badly that I could find even one reason to stay on this earth. I can’t take the abuse, I can’t take how much worse it has made my mental health... my partner can’t even handle my mental illness anymore and then I make it worse because I get scared and upset, thinking he’ll leave me. He said if I tried to kill myself he would give me an ultimatum to get treatment or lose him so at this point I’d rather just end it. I have nothing else to live for so it’s not worth it anymore. ",1.613650793650795,2.821114571428573,3.0651190476190493,95.25210317460319,77.39285714285714,5.334920634920637,21.373015873015877,5.033348758259628,-0.2371460317460317,400,10,95,1,9,131,73,112,0.276,0.701,0.023,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,2,2,0,9,2,0,4,0,16,20,9,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,9,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,2,1,16,0,7,15,1,6,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,59,25,0,0.0,0.17667511174584286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436415656583662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450354223908855,0.09089820427470434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905499456637207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456519363685473,0.0,0.13207029987397034,0.0,0.0,0.1969761180287876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628703562630118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558112963995716,0.14304325451755778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850067536487975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649719923806357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788966394554252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166995049731253,0.0,0.0,0.1668198623510393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109479708975914,0.09953441770760056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005426679500812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961557814690284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430784228110442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104316523836776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096045322068754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533135106192549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184108311337126,0.0,0.14928862441902874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893514853777854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422958597560455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955459084902698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012382769806491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147316356479864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039187868860437,0.10592595060529722,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway29292928,2019/02/18,"I think I’m going to do it I wrote a big post but can’t bear to post it. Just think I want to die. Maybe somewhere in the back of my head I want to live but I can’t find that part of my head
",-2.5,-1.243259333333329,0.4456666666666642,108.96600000000001,90.25,3.84,11.683333333333335,3.1291,-2.133421666666667,144,1,46,0,5,50,30,48,0.121,0.8140000000000001,0.066,-0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,9,10,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,7,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18813831924296506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253931789906686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362655268965034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905321939926732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022098653632648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605060956251754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580676454417835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26495685384304823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686579138183339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31355296622441803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28862877290174954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Low_Rock,2019/02/18,"Can't Deal With It Anymore I've tried to cope with it for awhile now but I can't. I'm permanently traumatized. Death feels like it's the only way out of it. It's the only cure I haven't tried yet. I can't see another option to deal with it, I tried therapy, tried ignoring it, tried a lot of things but nothing worked. I think this is how it has to be. ",-0.5512820512820511,1.440140282051285,2.0105128205128224,96.08448717948721,88.48717948717947,6.030769230769232,17.641025641025642,7.3871296695380915,0.12765641025641014,274,7,68,5,9,94,46,78,0.119,0.8,0.08199999999999999,-0.5808,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,12,11,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,10,10,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264674345318207,0.0,0.0,0.1916589467332498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39847882175933147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771651147706126,0.13806279074602126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441557512941008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430013254679418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543523830228495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939612103635419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400075364501326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100614410761865,0.0,0.12839131825805192,0.12383123857257028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6560438551245443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339835715259167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069334808390951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Loli_Hentai_Is_Life,2019/02/18,"I'm going to kill my self after loli hentai is banned in the United States. The UNs trying to ban loli hentai, which doesn't hurt anyone.

It's not like I only like loli hentai, but it's more of the realization that I'm trapped by how the world works, and the fact that most people would really hate me if they knew how I was. The people in power usually go by majority rule, or by the decisions of the rich. Neither of these are good. I do not share morals with the average person, so majority rule is bad for me, and I am far from rich, so I have no power over what happens in this hell.

I'm bi too, so the religious majority constantly wants to fuck me over too. I was raised religious, so I know that they are almost all like that.

What's the point of living life when rich people get to decide what you can or can't do? I've never harmed a single soul, yet the rich people, and the majority refuse to let me be.

It might sound really stupid for a reason, but I'm going to shoot myself with my dad's shotgun once the United States bans loli hentai.

The ban isn't the only reason I'm killing myself, but I'm going to wait until it happens. Because that'll prove that the rich and ignorant control too much for me to live a happy life.

I was already going to kill myself because I have no reason to do anything sometime, just the UN moved up my deadline.",6.451178571428571,5.042266332142859,7.3392857142857135,78.0657142857143,66.03571428571428,10.0,28.92857142857143,8.841846274778883,2.02525,1063,25,220,14,14,359,140,280,0.232,0.64,0.128,-0.989,2,1,0,2,0,2,28.0,0,1,2,4,12,22,7,0,21,0,22,4,0,6,4,41,42,18,3,3,9,1,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,2,16,6,0,8,8,0,5,6,9,11,0,0,4,1,23,11,31,33,10,24,3,1,0,2,8,9,2,6,10,145,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458249960107872,0.0,0.12627346754741495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001028992443733,0.0,0.0941639900850543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955420889454313,0.1395077467132049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365535483677352,0.1283400450638151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578627590543374,0.059783587163824176,0.0,0.3251586065437493,0.09597626368255424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237552176633852,0.12181008178545133,0.0,0.11297335520244688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249688498547663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37979085139444063,0.0,0.06288629964720313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700975643361325,0.16164689565288742,0.16771032477747513,0.0,0.20208295917712785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138937535039432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161820395538868,0.08411729601238803,0.0,0.08825345548139774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186143320465558,0.0,0.1740543690115963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173181710231526,0.09991358111384052,0.0,0.0,0.10817086740822862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661022905420454,0.3529512366802941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193727208710354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317161215966233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768868491623243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602560117558706,0.0,0.06749223787166747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833045009393895,0.0,0.0,0.08128593301326427,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpookyIsPro,2019/02/18,"I’m at the end and I have no clue what to do My fiancé of 3+ years has left me today, She was the love of my life, we did EVERYTHING together and I’m completely lost without her, My job is stressing me out bad and I’m constantly broke 24/7, I have more debt then a 25 year old man should, I have 0 friends that I can communicate with nowadays, I’ve just been made to feel useless and a bourdon on everybody around me, Suicide has never felt so needed & that scares me, a lot, the only thing stopping me as I write this is knowing how hard my mom has tried to help me and how hurt she would be, what do i do, I just want to be happy in life, and the things that would make me happy is impossible and out of reach ):",5.108181818181818,3.7762048506493504,6.092824675324675,85.66637987012992,68.67532467532467,9.51818181818182,29.63961038961039,8.472884824447931,1.767820779220779,553,16,132,7,8,185,98,154,0.203,0.684,0.114,-0.9258,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,1,6,11,0,2,7,0,21,3,0,4,1,31,33,12,1,5,3,1,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,8,12,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,6,3,22,4,16,22,2,16,0,4,0,1,10,7,0,1,9,91,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079230871660425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032434098464594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161467352735887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527231682487306,0.17034229978001655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961361329939495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166790356351536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970259005186255,0.0,0.1513497585711334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178473920344735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356006619384197,0.1412057411877715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565623306699808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874644152578874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642369918670795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662946235284387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126572654010716,0.0,0.22267781281417307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207203718884734,0.1340116006179557,0.14226745383699516,0.14915355275367742,0.10521941509234216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461464226802168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688083215890373,0.121574165470462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540642985272064,0.0,0.0,0.119884907302768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781537786713826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178594621135994,0.1805649174223531,0.0,0.0,0.17242190776156394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094450661542892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494150446403356,0.0,0.0,0.10702059181330813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297440480063036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194993479378796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239520122282008,0.0,0.0,0.20301742423181504
suicidewatch,Funnyfigure,2019/02/18,I just want to die... I am tired of living. So so tired. There is literally nothing that gives me joy anymore. Everyone sees me a joke. I always get funny looks. People telling me that i'm ugly. Pointing and laughing at me. I see no other way then to just end it ,-0.9855555555555569,1.0452085925925942,1.8277777777777795,92.645,101.96296296296295,3.8814814814814818,18.962962962962962,5.82211442006289,-0.01717037037037006,200,7,42,2,9,69,42,54,0.177,0.612,0.21,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,9,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,4,9,0,5,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909448072693445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275813813059697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381628423327339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325017041769386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927689927842398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198932408589779,0.22013704735689227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026340509789558,0.0,0.192704459369347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019116975724448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909175792327782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169317111159733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657299054812373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005746515458395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275044184886617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535258613848705,0.1821496497079354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,appleofhtaed,2019/02/18,"I don’t know why to do. Ever since I can remember a large part of my teens and early 20s I’ve been hurting myself as a way to cope with my feelings. It becomes especially worse when my mum loses her rag at me because she’s stressed about things and she’ll say some awful things like go kill yourself, cut deeper so you’ll hit a vein this time or she’ll just throw things at me. I know it’s clear abuse but I can’t cut her off but the more she does this to me the more I feel like I’m going to die. Every time this happens I say to myself go to sleep it’ll be okay in your dreams. Recently I’ve been thinking about permanent sleep but I’m scared and deeply sad. I feel so rejected and alone, like someone’s playing a sick joke on me . I took a couple Ativan to calm me and help me go sleep but it’s not working. What can I do to make my situation tolerable?",0.4168280326484677,2.322733711229951,2.446282015198424,95.05381930762735,83.54545454545455,5.4341683084717145,19.46777371235576,6.5966054737557815,-0.03699358288770016,672,18,159,7,19,225,108,187,0.219,0.6509999999999999,0.13,-0.9608,0,2,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,2,0,2,7,16,3,2,7,2,13,5,4,1,2,24,29,14,2,0,7,1,3,3,0,4,1,2,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,3,0,6,3,9,0,0,3,5,29,7,18,20,4,18,0,4,0,0,12,5,0,2,9,94,40,1,0.0,0.15941463783168658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934875470998706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201780188965196,0.14859514039684746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488722433884216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963718091529392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177418372409292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170427663257853,0.11336054407045727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409102573534688,0.0961194655618824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058616577506084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897830652851772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901831377873882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440339405021345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488548678863344,0.0,0.14788558162697046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719667927438705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052220811994751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981029072997494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569986746608074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328476340417402,0.0,0.15241403507539475,0.0,0.0,0.21399226088697507,0.13470370421152508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129758251068148,0.15123498925127749,0.403928562377367,0.0,0.11400012384214135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412162969261445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681585275887628,0.08621144341024721,0.0,0.0,0.15690934396812775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494852086569073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679610362723882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140655513008725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979508624508012,0.0,0.13711354944940118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CuratorOfYourDreams,2019/02/18,"I can't go a day without crying I usually reply to people's posts around here, but now I suppose it's my turn to create a thread. I feel like I can't go on anymore. I'm not actively suicidal, but I don't know of a better sub to post this in. I used to volunteer in mental health for a youth side of a non-crisis text line and I completed an internship over one of my summers, but now I'm on the other end. We used to refer people to this sub if they weren't actively suicidal or in immediate danger and they wanted a safe place to get their feelings out, so that's how I found about this place.

Just like the title says, I can't go a day or even half of a day without crying. I wake up in tears, and a lot of times go to sleep in tears and most likely cry before and after I get home after classes or work if it's the summer. It started out as occasionally crying and then I can just wipe it away, but now it's getting worse and it's the kind of cry where you hold your gut as if you've been stabbed and shot gets all over your sweater or",6.723552631578947,3.816241442982456,7.793228070175438,79.79826315789475,66.58771929824562,10.874385964912284,32.01052631578948,8.841846274778883,2.2697915789473684,811,21,189,10,10,280,123,228,0.145,0.7240000000000001,0.131,-0.4975,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,3,3,2,12,7,1,0,14,0,7,4,3,3,1,42,26,24,2,4,16,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,11,12,0,2,5,0,0,4,8,1,0,2,3,3,22,6,36,23,3,40,0,0,0,0,8,18,0,9,19,126,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526315679338492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448781881616017,0.0,0.0,0.09972277940402788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031800665896136,0.0,0.0,0.09387291579534524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128661369722254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5829534466394434,0.20535611352613048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400924818272337,0.0,0.0,0.07010500007764167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733595946583636,0.07582701166493205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637791321913302,0.0,0.0,0.22181675739173667,0.0,0.2412890599686001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282271140237625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646788071565684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052931409475496,0.05833221011764821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555651065287922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023711602421508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069649659604715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192375581130782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716933839415047,0.0,0.22178909875512498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330710062054635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844074276091099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621745773048392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512700745358372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322016246959457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189155643894038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545071577375378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334315161552936,0.1168991002685627,0.0,0.06260459627815768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046318950394181,0.0,0.07727176952378388,0.0,0.1081665472518298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idunnoxddd,2019/02/18,. my whole fucking life ive been just searching for someone and everyone is just using me..why are people like this??im tired of being lonely all the time so i might just end it all,1.0100000000000016,3.6092555555555563,1.968,93.77700000000004,90.66666666666666,3.9911111111111115,21.088888888888885,5.6839178017228535,0.12439555555555605,144,5,28,1,5,45,32,36,0.151,0.784,0.065,-0.504,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,2,8,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,5,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26408717016854993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849110320289895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756502829746021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220711706049956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060393773818287,0.14566917459122838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163077193052757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671122715792276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526356529606043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386338379728294,0.34269872650977584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575202706962331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26904904394190765,0.3328924403021571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nachocarullo,2019/02/18,"Best ways to commit suicide? Hello reddit,

Hopefully I can get some answers. I made up my mind. I want to die. Nothing can make me change my mind. I’m just looking for quick, painless ways to kill myself. Preferably make it look like an accident. I thought about carbon monoxide poisoning, but I had my doubts. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.",2.065909090909092,4.928363166666671,2.896121212121212,86.05418181818182,91.57575757575758,5.064242424242424,26.29696969696969,6.742157984588678,1.5282169696969694,283,13,49,4,10,89,53,66,0.184,0.542,0.273,0.7474,0,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,2,1,1,0,5,1,0,3,1,16,16,1,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,11,5,6,11,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685503557837814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111965798756912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289291309224728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886287954915864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514338542072907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187581091195227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489179401637014,0.0,0.0,0.1998839345492212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265027221159112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831924420322093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379940203234107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042502018883015,0.26866821303687866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064047201267668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310217041558508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013183501378525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528143549340512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597678422362634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870084610349985,0.319481410065797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296027705190828,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NigglePhysics,2019/02/18,am i asleep i can’t tell anymore i’m only 16 and i sleep 3 hours a week and eat a meal a day. i cut myself all the time and i’m covered in slits on my arms and legs. i want to die so bad but last time i tried i lived and i regret it. i can’t do anything right can i just fucking die. god is dead and i want to be too,-4.418951175406871,-3.3301379493670886,-0.5437160940325487,109.01129746835446,112.03797468354428,2.2571428571428576,10.70614828209765,3.1291,-2.255058589511754,238,4,72,0,14,86,53,79,0.277,0.65,0.07200000000000001,-0.9588,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,4,0,7,7,4,0,1,12,12,8,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,13,0,4,11,1,9,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,6,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165783556235015,0.0,0.0,0.19222410513999866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503732301650475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064578537622214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848576649774571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23902018736149694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594955995012066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003842467755986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040647045122572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062636468398326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765520183851874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199484000769516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23375801283517705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416735929426816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724156189306113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585918133252125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755540630140817,0.0,0.18737126054689046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whyareyoudoingthis12,2019/02/18,"Someone, please convince me not to do it. I just want to feel loved, but I never do, even when I am loved. I want to be happy. I ties a noose and I'm crying while it is in my lap. I need someone... Anyone",-2.785590062111801,-1.1297889999999988,0.5685093167701893,102.69108695652176,102.04347826086956,2.6285714285714294,13.093167701863356,3.1291,-1.7027788819875775,150,3,39,0,7,53,33,46,0.079,0.569,0.353,0.9091,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,9,12,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,4,11,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107208731321507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001669574230023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804878648093855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817015990157644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908939163265168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932616827798661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262131077944376,0.21075754090330093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999610977632355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630702976766951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223556065040773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KnugenSugen,2019/02/18,"I feel like im done Ive done my part
Made my parents dissapointed and proud
Made my friends laugh and cry
Experienced death and birth
Experienced sadness and hapiness
Experienced love and heartbreak
Done everything i want to be done

I feel complete and i do not feel the need to keep going",3.449151515151513,6.308305218181823,4.504999999999999,79.09083333333334,78.63636363636363,8.03030303030303,29.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.746575757575757,237,11,44,6,6,77,34,55,0.193,0.5539999999999999,0.253,0.4939,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,15,17,6,1,2,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,6,8,5,2,10,1,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116222681797792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979667188319274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7072779030912644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528839536627406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620965018404605,0.1234379394771244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334935878579202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819793674748856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663790509524136,0.0,0.0,0.15357962143243745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441422910218753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155945588686484,0.3269874867586095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811820051317047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918577625407192,0.18710977341550364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191331817902732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nuwhachi,2019/02/18,give me advice I don’t know I don’t know what I want to do with my life I can only see myself living till now I have no structure or motivation and I don’t want to go back to school I’m constantly anxious self destructive and lonely I feel useless and redundant everyone around  me is slowly moving forward and finding their own grounds to exist on I feel sorry for myself I wish I could look at myself the same way I look at people I care about I want to remove myself from existence but I’m to weak and now I’m stuck  ,0.8800606060606064,3.1011137636363664,3.2177272727272737,88.31992424242426,84.0909090909091,5.848484848484849,20.075757575757574,7.1686216300943375,0.6012121212121215,414,12,85,6,12,142,68,110,0.163,0.7490000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.8248,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,0,21,26,8,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,1,5,21,1,15,24,2,15,0,2,3,0,3,6,0,1,6,59,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878712975004701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171956656415584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114947463476227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783375167651386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601880618476997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776149676424988,0.0,0.1535015558613994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837097850864015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442181333171107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571939832152392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443041557305048,0.10926407331163478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113188184679014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579679194835384,0.0,0.0,0.16976643722631193,0.0,0.3228948870804953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433874554729034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622009807800193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328678375733935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457432967562707,0.15320392288637014,0.0,0.20056596169025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152159507960661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401944471882193,0.15260464331411094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210860408800311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KaffeeKaethe,2019/02/18,"Tomorrow it has been 9 months since my suicide attempt So yeah. Still alive. Don't know how to feel about this. I have good days and have bad days, and this evening is pretty damn bad.",0.6008108108108097,3.0846593513513523,0.6905945945945966,103.29156756756758,90.62162162162159,4.0410810810810815,18.210810810810813,5.6839178017228535,-0.6290713513513513,144,4,33,1,5,42,32,37,0.275,0.503,0.222,-0.578,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,8,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193094928421575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011118753712292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205398910978598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724049039803792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608347031554818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090610398502618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24822072997526176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31637777219756563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25724531087598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483484903292864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401609071192287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saraswatikat,2019/02/18,"My (21F) sister (15F) is suicidal and I don’t know what to do One of my sisters friends contacted me today and told me that my sister wants to kill herself. He send me screenshots of their conversation and she wanted to do it yesterday. She’s okay, I don’t think she did anything but I’m scared. I obviously don’t want to ignore this but I don’t know what to do.

A little backstory. 
I’ve had a feeling that she’s been down(maybe depressed) for a few months now. I tried to talk to her about it but she insist that she’s fine. 
I talked to my mom about it too and got her to take my sister to a counselor. The counselor didn’t think anything was wrong, my sister was in the room with my mom, so I don’t think she would have said anything anyway. Because of that my mom was convinced that I was wrong and that my sister is doing fine, just typical teenage stuff. 
But now her friend contacted me and I’m really worried. 

How am I supposed to talk to my sister? What do I say? What do I say to my mom? 

Any help is appreciated. Thank you. ",0.8571223458038446,3.0219530418604665,2.7096056622851385,92.28556117290195,83.69767441860466,5.599595551061679,21.44084934277048,6.8959733430537185,0.4643751263902929,804,26,177,10,23,267,101,215,0.108,0.7559999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.5424,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,0,9,13,1,1,6,1,25,0,0,1,1,25,41,12,2,4,5,11,1,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,15,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,11,4,39,7,21,29,1,9,0,1,0,0,39,3,0,0,5,125,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193205746913912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974398633126544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344485769976271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037711802596358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091944268025366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616856577449906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636065683270577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075670853291295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329575211656775,0.0,0.1324277808987448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075486036364398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104060806684132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644293923328763,0.09616777773651217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164188667620045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771840106653838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146062042519448,0.19162463255037954,0.12062374459580105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792334431787015,0.1317880199359358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905876533285814,0.29051719195374565,0.0,0.11092386302523924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23160047139067336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420307974448013,0.11512594734705492,0.0,0.08179953505068427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319064739165314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235556718447585,0.0,0.08558712937174195,0.2634568405077612,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChickenLoliBestLoli,2019/02/18,"I gave up on life 16 years old my life couldn't be better but, thats when the suicidal thoughts come in, I feel like geting shitfaced, high, fucking huffing paint because I want to just fucking die. I want to find motivaton but I search for it and find nothingness, I truly dont care what happens after my death, I dont care if I ruin peoples life why, because there is no guilt after death. I am not suffering but I am not enjoying my self I want to commit suicide, because I seek calmness and the only place I can find it is death. This is a cry for help.",0.8091638795986604,3.095722478260871,2.7382608695652166,91.18658862876256,85.08695652173913,5.2775919732441485,23.628762541806026,6.67199483983844,0.7751204013377926,435,17,91,5,13,145,74,115,0.353,0.465,0.181,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,11,2,1,3,0,10,5,0,0,1,20,22,7,6,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,1,16,6,10,18,0,11,0,2,0,2,3,5,2,1,6,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940629291551004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545236158964446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924544091118465,0.0,0.0,0.12218884202278953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581253859671268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721504608289582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324878307091271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172222937996361,0.10133570055914824,0.0,0.0,0.38893743794343866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622709856189748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543505077695424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950772186766225,0.14986940287157055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005727133477295,0.06929939919173618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488448229235489,0.0,0.0,0.10788122211799901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833901982645774,0.0,0.14820018094638204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797761283728614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103157277714297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261086847096036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509955416720076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799507617590322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134497548579573
suicidewatch,Gullywump,2019/02/18,"I hurt so much. And I'm not allowed to show it. I'm not taken seriously. People get angry at me. Every day I get into a screaming match with either my other half or my parents. I'm an adult woman who lives in a garden shed on her parents property. Others my age have their own places and lives and careers. My parents take the money I end from my soul destroying job which I work 6-7 days a week as rent for a wooden shack that has mould and bugs coming through the walls. Also now rats. 
I have no education - no career prospects and a terrible job history because my depression leaves me quitting any job I've ever had eventually. Also I have very sensitive skin that has awful reactions to the chemicals in the jobs I get. My skin feels like it's on fire - and it's so sore and painful.
My chest physically hurts from how unhappy I am. I've cried myself to sleep almost every night for the past ten years.
Im so tired of it all. My batteries are just so low and I'm so drained. I just want it to be over. I want to go away and sleep.
Help me. 
Please help me.",1.4920043290043274,3.4511234818181817,3.5675324675324696,88.14439393939396,80.0909090909091,6.7359307359307365,22.294372294372288,7.793537801064563,1.009937229437229,826,26,177,14,21,281,136,220,0.225,0.7040000000000001,0.071,-0.9899,9,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,12,10,1,0,11,1,9,8,5,2,2,26,23,19,0,2,6,3,4,1,0,0,3,1,2,2,11,12,0,0,1,2,2,2,4,9,0,2,2,5,26,1,21,20,4,23,1,4,0,0,10,11,0,2,11,110,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686057844400292,0.0,0.0,0.1866537062348619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936162199146697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964572996108418,0.0,0.0,0.07114068917628627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052876898385238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819208724848274,0.15052676432344733,0.0,0.10051559103682453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336367178782316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556398630375156,0.19665358116817785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059008231103462476,0.08337220537229939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829165344204846,0.0,0.06632465337907635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644629401081858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986462831286546,0.0,0.12605859932342642,0.0,0.4632364286109951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357097256786995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701488922177093,0.0,0.2061006836587868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578967908167838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095172803348751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417956310388847,0.0,0.38875255489287397,0.0,0.11140562924081453,0.08090673782135216,0.0,0.12192915087079108,0.1281041709112139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241273489630908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23357332711886106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774566784515132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413222106342185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629168762017196,0.13766817769943376,0.0,0.09361161185788072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496072437465305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515250808854156
suicidewatch,Anonymous-youll-neve,2019/02/18,"All I ask is to be set free Well, hey. I need help. I don’t know if I want to live anymore. I put on a fake smile every day and do anything to please others. School is hard. I go and pretend everything’s alright. I’m overweight. I want to lose weight but I can’t get motivation. I get made fun of because of it. I have 1 friend. Me and my mother constantly argue. ",-2.0937613019891472,-0.4274266962025308,0.9499547920434032,98.30243670886078,107.10126582278481,3.776130198915009,17.035262206148282,5.773587663045528,-0.4510079566003613,277,9,66,3,14,96,58,79,0.136,0.563,0.301,0.9091,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,0,1,1,7,2,0,2,1,12,17,5,0,4,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,2,12,6,7,15,1,6,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,36,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191201611505773,0.0,0.0,0.18413725835769945,0.0,0.20918748941792936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364033850744139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418074892570419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430813389463834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852933861713936,0.0,0.20110307371241165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728781521362549,0.0,0.2338130706906479,0.0,0.12716923802038224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004470163276516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998311326829247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297387562737401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758615809544666,0.0,0.0,0.250332711233349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172924254111525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659168662341485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562374580236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494285549810408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645933373363755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26396153414673723,0.0,0.0,0.2724821273333581,0.20118912719793486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Surreal43,2019/02/18,"Everyday I’m thinking about ending it. I’m 24 and I’ve been out the Air Force for about a year now. I live with my in-laws with my wife in the basement.
Our marriage is about to break. I blame myself for all of it and she constantly tells me that I don’t communicate and that I ruined our first year of marriage so at this point she tells me that the only reason she hasn’t gotten divorce papers yet is because she’s too lazy to get them.
We’re going to go to counseling but she thinks it won’t work and she could care less.

But for the past year everyday I come home from work I go downstairs and when no is around I take my wife’s gun on the nightstand, put it to my head and stare at my reflection in the tv.

I always put it back in the way I found it to not raise suspicion but only once did I pull the trigger. Just to realize the safety is on.

I never told anyone. I guess I just needed to vent.",1.3096018099547528,2.8475618666666698,3.104042232277525,93.23850678733031,79.05128205128204,6.229260935143287,20.188536953242835,7.048011613610866,0.21729260935143246,704,17,164,8,17,235,111,195,0.062,0.88,0.058,0.3348,0,0,0,1,1,0,13.0,2,0,1,3,12,2,0,0,10,0,10,1,1,2,2,29,26,11,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,11,0,0,6,1,0,7,6,1,0,1,5,1,30,1,28,19,2,34,0,1,1,0,17,11,0,1,14,111,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055248908247347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970738868673156,0.0,0.0,0.13967332334346982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064560199823147,0.0,0.09564413907217384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996892865767198,0.0,0.0,0.13515454619254702,0.0,0.16955201748531878,0.0,0.12527103861293554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896589299250828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345816034911362,0.0,0.17203159207982666,0.0,0.0,0.081973221697645,0.0,0.26750785430189394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284187412050253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102358036364636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573824320976768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854464076025516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163385778136001,0.12101013697849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709225314807954,0.0,0.2386574318354875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497777941134044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832021489414562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154535460071684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131824438463485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796847845494166,0.0,0.2742731827131821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010690141205275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992366332698415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245390775216405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284485976127043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30311332453210704
suicidewatch,etay7114,2019/02/18,"Help.. I don't want to live but I'm afraid of dying. I don't understand, because life will never get better. IDK  why I care at this point. We all die, so why waste time being unhappy? ",-1.2723076923076917,0.7544642051282082,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,99.25641025641023,4.651282051282052,14.192307692307693,6.42735559955562,-0.4812769230769227,140,3,32,2,6,48,33,39,0.348,0.521,0.131,-0.8963,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,6,9,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729247051958206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282062435552959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630784096027945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355880469000367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480983447968775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295182527411626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822539620063773,0.0,0.0,0.2278448949808005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900836149402246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392140757407765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504591551573123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26861794988429244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521925640094226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656632231957588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GengBaoBei,2019/02/18,My rape case was dropped I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. Raped by my dad at 6. Raped by my brother at 15. Sexually assaulted at 18 by a stranger. Raped a couple months ago at 21 by a boy I met on ok Cupid. I don’t want to do this anymore. I hate myself.  All of them were dropped by the police after the FBI investigated them. This keeps happening to me and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I am completely worthless and tainted. I’m so tired of trying,-0.5240974866717458,1.6398987227722799,2.2776237623762405,92.5710129474486,91.47524752475249,5.483929931454684,20.64051789794364,7.010146845296331,0.5233223153084539,365,13,84,6,13,127,62,101,0.257,0.7170000000000001,0.026,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,1,9,6,0,5,1,8,5,0,0,1,9,19,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,14,1,16,16,1,10,0,1,0,4,6,5,0,0,3,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128719549385984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23815696386621896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517849819866781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571325603015183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247146748794769,0.0,0.0,0.23709113338445126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42689961251955344,0.0,0.0,0.26395222184897404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167955871162132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760086304344345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304108455422886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164234693190775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669137464968544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625582711625483,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whycantidoanything,2019/02/18,Why cant i just not be me I was almost going good for a month but then I was reminded I'm a failure who can't do anything right. Honestly idk why I haven't just hung myself yet. Everyone would be so much better off,-0.046875,1.8191630625,2.904,91.34100000000001,85.04166666666666,6.34,20.016666666666666,7.554174236665415,0.6336616666666663,169,5,39,3,5,60,37,48,0.123,0.672,0.205,0.616,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,2,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31555398491870745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593225179292982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787040590673317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011171758808828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909383087769232,0.2643134210553868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515312169850279,0.0,0.23165446773903026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691165779051748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5687058707996643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238570477121026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway729184,2019/02/18,"I feel so fucking worthless I’ve caused enough grief to my mom and my dad. I lost custody of my kids. My mom never raised my like this. I feel so inferior. I tried to build up a wall around my mind, but i was still hurt by a lot of things. Now i’m numb. I think it’s time to go.",-1.9753125000000007,-0.2059529062499976,0.6206250000000004,104.861875,93.6875,3.825,14.25,5.148860815047168,-1.4389625,210,4,59,1,8,71,45,64,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,8,4,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,2,12,1,8,6,2,8,0,5,0,1,4,3,1,1,5,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109614227286032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344256215762425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24486250489425104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396472582662664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908313213956374,0.0,0.0,0.13468054405738195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253690764801558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577589792850575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586904133840921,0.2014709474501981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392810877278799,0.5550935399533491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277270169041868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925161913232785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574382207297517,0.1518464810248508,0.0,0.0,0.1381842756540954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089308634389346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seelic,2019/02/18,"I think I'm ready After years of trying to break down the wall I've built around my mind, I've given in. It's time I guess.",1.4117241379310317,1.6230282758620689,3.085689655172416,98.76577586206898,76.58620689655173,5.8000000000000025,14.5,3.1291,-1.3823241379310347,96,0,26,0,2,32,24,29,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41274668613096105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107626070618408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681541996450686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970881170264185,0.0,0.0,0.27035796930991224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147878287456234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985753166219886
suicidewatch,throwaway7262511,2019/02/18,"I’m not fit to live There’s no reason for me to be alive. I’m not capable of being a proper human. I’m not capable of anything.

I’m such a massive failure. I was born to fail. 

I’m a waste of space. 

My situation is hopeless.",-1.9024369747899144,-0.03171749019607795,2.5220168067226894,89.95764705882355,96.45098039215686,5.2672268907563025,21.01120448179272,6.868970318607317,0.6968969187675067,172,7,40,3,7,66,33,51,0.381,0.573,0.047,-0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,7,6,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,23,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234013566709006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543254751544698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290063017158537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783355311061402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DragoniteIsMyFriend,2019/02/18,Suicidal thoughts are coming back I dont think ive though about this for at least half a year but its coming back again. I just wish i could take my like away easily and without pain. Girlfriend doesnt get my pain and she never will. really wish i could meet other people besides her that are remotely similar to me. i just dont really think she cares as much for me as i do for her,1.4091249999999995,3.5104036625,3.0599999999999987,90.935,81.125,7.0,18.75,8.07648339933343,0.6853749999999996,303,7,66,6,8,100,53,80,0.031,0.688,0.281,0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,1,16,20,6,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,1,0,15,2,10,16,2,9,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828903154058058,0.2590957534870987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177281814918965,0.0,0.0,0.2902548323599743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26902923605956025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39490594217354863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802191414249669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230901104412118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123849467032011,0.0,0.12993931026378602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585413273790669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680025459627905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158604661653675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428572947389213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667321189817474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590562297177573,0.16552711122087102,0.13375136472712235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874788652636998,0.16240514294567948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084932147143623
suicidewatch,JuniorPainting,2019/02/18,"trying to find a way out I've had suicidal thoughts for at least the last 15 years of my life. I suffer from chronic pain that means I can never rest comfortably. There is no cure for my condition. I have difficulty making and maintaining relationships with other people. I've tried to be a generous, forthright person, but I have no lasting friendships. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've been trying to improve myself all along but to no avail. I've been working hard for the last decade in my industry but have made zero professional progress.  I don't think I was meant to live in this world. I haven't killed myself yet because of my parents but it's been weighing me down. I'm so lonely and frustrated with existence. Any viable options besides checking out? ",3.8979158004158014,6.112935371621624,4.716216216216218,81.5269126819127,73.66216216216216,7.526819126819128,28.276507276507274,8.384062270229773,2.2050617463617472,617,25,111,11,13,199,99,148,0.203,0.6859999999999999,0.111,-0.8965,1,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,2,0,4,0,15,4,0,2,2,22,24,7,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,8,1,15,1,20,15,3,14,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,6,76,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784099072218566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145981641596662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182126100464085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840388579726165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798526896580746,0.0,0.10331547401707128,0.4597156560638139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278429277488016,0.0,0.0,0.1660003596593077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788255387424268,0.12548610427463247,0.0,0.0,0.20477837443741995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449910018216603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200036717701614,0.0,0.20874284285095848,0.0,0.0,0.13032996629395874,0.1641473429257279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183302901611655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056327102522867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045766792996415,0.0,0.1492446306466542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38290263632519655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921928085262626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686039806114378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553971512149144,0.0,0.12106066947988085
suicidewatch,Bonaccorso_di_Novara,2019/02/18,"Tired to be nobody I'm 31 already, and I'm literally a nobody; I achieved nothing in life despite trying a lot, and now I doubt I will ever be able to achieve anything...

​

I had big dreams in the past, but I never could reach that far... never could reach anywhere.

​

Now I only think about how to and this misery named my life.",5.771470588235296,5.805234970588237,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,66.94117647058823,7.388235294117647,31.70588235294117,5.985473137389443,1.6587235294117648,270,10,52,1,4,86,46,68,0.182,0.79,0.028,-0.8456,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,0,6,3,0,1,3,14,9,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,6,3,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,35,9,2,0.17548832429132435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936557296490991,0.0,0.0,0.38028305210280494,0.4264750443364831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441193831748098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802262946634237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873923621767505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247905186506558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919389779062053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706948284109941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838578010380478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346677843030474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752346245386066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124458322979148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016980133975032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914505283766515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264750443364831,0.0
suicidewatch,spookyscullay,2019/02/18,enough I genuinely believe I won’t be happy until I am dead. I have nothing going for me and I completely wasted my life and will never build a life worthwhile. I’ve tried medication I’ve tried therapy but nothing helps. There’s nothing left for me and I know it’s about time I die so I can finally feel happy,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,3.3862500000000004,85.03375000000003,87.75,6.325,23.625,7.6454224807358475,1.5483812500000007,248,10,48,5,8,86,44,64,0.224,0.662,0.114,-0.7303,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,7,9,6,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,11,2,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123886248107016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765138970348928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956458366237349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478343063462925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531740093781572,0.0,0.0,0.20650583236475448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713579207467752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40134935173581815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263557121829194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360134081891698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481898910571494,0.0,0.2663033955377516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990614617174625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453921819389805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5426474407472328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558005836681654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992294342202462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559747343676952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_Am_Your_Ace,2019/02/18,"I don’t know what to feel I think I lost my girlfriend. I’ve lost a few girlfriends and moved on relatively quick, the thing is I feel nothing but an aching pain in my heart. I said I wasn’t ok and I’m really not. Everything is gray and I see nothing anymore. Music doesn’t have the same feeling, and all I can do is wait till she chooses him. I won’t cry though, only because she believes she’s hurt me; she hasn’t. I told her I’d go through so much for her and I would; I already have. It may have been a 2 week old relationship but it felt so real. Every moment I had her I was genuinely happy again. The kind of happy you feel when everything goes right, but I still had problems outside her. Maybe it’s just her I don’t know, but every moment I spent with her I was able to be genuinely happy and ignore those problems . After 5 long years of fake smiles and fake laughs she got me to do real versions of those in one night. I’m satisfied now, everything could end and I’ll be happy. She’ll be with the right guy and everyone else I know is currently on a path of success. That’s all I wanted in this life. I’m not the correct choice if she’s choosing me, but fuck do i really want her to choose me. I know I want the best for her, but that’s for her to decide who’s the best. I believe it’s Josh. He understands her, he is close to her, and he’s known her longer. What do I have? My word that I love her? I gave that to her already? She told me herself I’m not interesting anymore. Life has lost what I believe to be it’s final meaning. Good luck Lilly, I’m going to help you make the correct choice by removing one of your options. I love you princess; you’re strong, capable, caring, beautiful, and amazing. Have a wonderful life with him and Josh please treat her right, she’s worth every bit of pain you can go through.",0.8822671715158776,2.886045878238342,2.699015544041451,93.34039790089014,82.44559585492229,5.824259333067622,21.555466985518798,7.010146845296331,0.4748771887870333,1423,45,321,18,39,472,176,386,0.111,0.622,0.267,0.9976,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,5,0,7,9,31,1,0,13,1,36,9,1,1,4,66,76,24,0,8,11,0,5,0,2,4,5,1,0,1,17,16,0,2,18,0,2,5,9,12,0,2,16,8,69,19,31,51,9,31,0,4,2,3,47,9,1,5,17,205,86,1,0.08015006658685413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768951830725123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897465817760806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048858736665324254,0.0,0.0,0.270905035117268,0.16822510003350974,0.0,0.08750311402759724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171833460721845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399330629932737,0.0,0.08804108458847587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695509600140563,0.0,0.07098916919581481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258966383035285,0.07658682337938433,0.2161011352264103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621051276254264,0.0,0.0769566331322683,0.0878004802415948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409744503858004,0.0,0.0,0.1366533897009556,0.06722607315890056,0.06410333009743255,0.0,0.0,0.07936116709650366,0.0,0.3412849450645537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949782148129467,0.05372290014227485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580230398433362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346396052566131,0.17619352196323834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983708704809894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093028675385887,0.0,0.0,0.2624797970597448,0.0,0.14467712872432326,0.0,0.05350079182219202,0.0,0.08052151478765313,0.0873069193102527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851868364411564,0.058919521126196826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521540797734913,0.0,0.1538123010986725,0.0,0.0841040121904885,0.0,0.1086235188385588,0.060957737339627,0.1705706436965566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798070449909336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533855784413762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245664571702666,0.10269237003057737,0.0,0.0,0.08605117618920775,0.0,0.20534315679794948,0.07624106750466515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386922600561994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400794671032345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053248142810296765,0.051356926351012286,0.07874703347746882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317364675876866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343904596083003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418237576686384,0.0,0.06429154883848569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869193282405073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693630768554799,0.0,0.0,0.05161401505877826
suicidewatch,ballettapandjazz,2019/02/18,"I'll never have the courage to commit suicide, but I wish someone would shoot me I'm from Illinois, and I'm sure some of you know about the shooting that happened on Friday in Aurora. I'm sad for the victims, but at the same time I'm jealous of them. I'm sad for them because from the victims that I've read about, they wanted to live. They had things that I wish I had such as a relationship and a job. (Yes I'm aware that the shooter did what he did because he lost his job, and no, if I were in his situation I wouldn't shoot my colleagues.) At the same time, I'm jealous of victims because they got what I want, which is death.

 I wish that there was a shooting SOMEWHERE that I'm at. I've decided to stay out in public more often since a shooter is less likely to storm into my home. ",5.192987358616104,4.258015431137725,5.9903792415169645,85.16398536260813,68.34131736526946,8.380306054557552,31.72920825016633,6.937597516519254,1.7170098469727213,615,22,137,4,9,203,88,167,0.251,0.6609999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9853,2,0,0,6,0,3,18.0,0,1,5,1,5,11,5,0,11,1,11,0,0,0,3,24,28,7,2,8,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,8,0,18,3,23,18,5,13,0,3,0,0,12,9,0,3,4,89,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028791594386911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324605318807518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645621089788874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612922027625301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328702326201829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101979412660903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091300924467434,0.0,0.14624448762279946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079254995354296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277354748799556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566367877554966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781267446889265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370016324169362,0.18616253775318364,0.0,0.0,0.14032832259054087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652766842678627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811601517674607,0.0,0.15609381549354387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002981136227488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931473782284619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953725892821399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5713605462418617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176508862783072,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZierlichSouris,2019/02/18,"It's hard just to be here. 2.30am I'm just sitting here alone, crying. I got class today. I just wish to hurt myself or find any excuse not to go. I can't stand being around people anymore. They're so normal, I have to put effort just to blend in. I'm reminded of that every day. Every time I'm not anxious and on edge, I become depressed and tired. It's been so long since I felt anything other than that, I just want to walk into traffic and let get hit by the shiniest car. Everyone here don't get mental illness , I drop hints sometime and they shrugs or get preachy. I'm not smart  my GPA is barely average, the odds of me getting out of this backwater country is none. I might as well off myself to prevent any future misery and disappointment. ",2.2188345864661656,4.2197911842105285,3.6271804511278214,88.39526315789475,77.94736842105263,5.658646616541352,22.69924812030075,6.5431188927421005,0.5957090225563912,588,18,117,5,14,193,103,152,0.187,0.747,0.066,-0.9632,0,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,5,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,25,24,10,0,3,10,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,3,1,0,3,2,14,2,19,16,1,18,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,3,5,73,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226734704641405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262197209260656,0.0,0.0,0.1879051519694772,0.16495431107177927,0.0,0.0,0.13687512342410516,0.14806864559541968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369802208443944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270530184854136,0.10726885918742693,0.0,0.1432594772036909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802797947839313,0.15893510113553194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970254059681327,0.0,0.15202227976354812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476014924343343,0.0,0.09452896879770126,0.0,0.13302900946407856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899868904610378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780593222134153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008332844868804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719649936324944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762115830763996,0.1764494656444833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296773434518458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153120311285508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720723108554006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758959892894082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450426929091413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969881520234546,0.1911714557662592,0.1576610525033173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981055324918714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955032383131964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127088004809328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ASMRMama3,2019/02/18,"In massive debt, lost ANOTHER job, rent is due in 2 weeks, my past won't let go of me. This will be long. Please bare (bear?) with me. 

I don't really know where to begin. I have been feeling quite awful for some time, now. I have always had suicidal thoughts and thoughts about death. But things happening in my adult life have exasperated them. Tenfold. 

I lost a job that I absolutely adored. Most of my co-workers loved me, it was great for my social anxiety (I didn't have to deal with too many people because I was a dishwasher), there was a piano in the lobby I played on my breaks, the residents loved me (retirement home is where I worked. Sorry my thoughts are everywhere) and I could listen to my music there. It was perfect. And I was paid well. 

While I couldn't completely catch up on paying off my debt, I finally started making payments. My credit score went back up a few points. It was beautiful. I felt like things were looking up for a minute. I felt like maybe, life wasn't so bad and I could be happy for a while. 

Fast-forward to last month. One of my managers got fired for sexual harassment, so we had a new, female manager. She was extremely strict, which was fine. However, she changed my position one day without even consulting me about it. She never once brought it up to me. She forced me into a server position, even though I begged and pleaded to be elsewhere. 

This may sound like I'm being a pussy. But because of my social anxiety and manic depression, I am unfit to do that job. I am the center of attention. I freeze up. I mess up a lot. My hands can't carry all the plates because I shake so much and I hate that about myself. If I could, I would. The tips are great. But my brain and body are so against it. I really want to. But I cannot. 

I had a massive anxiety attack in the middle of my shift. I sat in the corner after someone insulted me. They called me a bitch and told me I would never amount to anything. I sat my plate down on their table, went to the corner, and screamed. I sat, rocking back and forth, and just screamed. I didn't realize there were tears until a co-worker came by. 

I quit on the spot. I came home and cried my eyes out. I really wanted to die that night. Who would the residents rely on? Where would I ever find such an amazing job again? Why were things turning out this way? Why me? My debt. My rent. My entire life. I am so scared. 

I finally got a job again as a dishwasher elsewhere, about two weeks ago. The workload was a lot more than I could handle, and I fucked up my back and my knee terribly. I ended up out of work for 4 days. I was told I still had a job by the manager. She wanted me to work on salads. 

I told her I'd be alright with it, and that was the end of our conversation. I would be in the kitchen still, so I was alright with it. 

Fast-forward to a couple of days ago. My co-worker, speaking on my behalf, told one of the managers that I should work front-end. I did not know about this until today. I found out when I picked up the phone and they told me I'd be working the front end of the restaurant, which includes SERVING AND BUSSING. 

It had already been discussed with managers that I could not, due to my mental illness. Yet, I was put on the schedule for it, anyway, all thanks to this co-worker speaking on my behalf. 

So, now, I'm home with a loaded gun chilling in a laptop bag. It's there on my right, ready for the trigger to be pulled. It isn't my gun but it's a gun, nonetheless. 

Every time I think I have something, it slips through my fingers. Every relationship, every friendship, every job, any money, any health progress I make... it all turns into dust before my very eyes. 

A good 80% of me is ready to reach into the laptop bag and just fucking do it, but there's 20% of me that is just a crying, stupid mess that wants someone to stop me. Wants something to go right for once. But I feel like I've missed out on the chance for anything to go right in my life. 

I'm 26. I'm getting old. People my age have already completed their degrees and are living comfortable lives. Married. Happy. No debt at all. 

I truly feel as though all my good times have already happened in the past, and that there's none left to have. I have already experienced the good in life. 

Really, what is the point in continuing? ",1.370716944345979,3.607378480414745,2.8528110599078365,91.59839241403759,82.16820276497697,5.7969514356611125,21.635235732009924,7.0560779925339725,0.59896671393123,3323,105,703,43,91,1083,350,868,0.107,0.785,0.108,0.8449,14,0,2,3,0,0,145.0,2,0,5,11,44,44,8,2,49,3,78,20,7,4,9,103,138,45,3,18,14,0,9,4,0,9,7,6,6,1,38,38,2,1,15,2,10,13,16,20,1,4,51,19,122,24,109,63,14,122,0,4,3,4,35,56,3,6,55,488,160,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084308576008718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991075631430975,0.0,0.03956924083542682,0.0,0.0,0.06467752416095775,0.049865149648747914,0.10913742786408473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826677591198991,0.0,0.0,0.05410022833226655,0.0,0.10969966749972808,0.03970610877311555,0.08696653736842411,0.0,0.04046546624727945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528224456772272,0.0,0.05308666637235575,0.048558568573908674,0.10877959873487396,0.0,0.0,0.05030646651775793,0.0,0.09972019704427726,0.0,0.0,0.18984241248161526,0.05261826587021218,0.1044730010829267,0.09200635828846228,0.04902670958410064,0.04095871155793774,0.0,0.049354172030562006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684770601120287,0.0,0.0,0.06281873613794736,0.04301586272658349,0.16026722272273186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213511135079738,0.03397301927560787,0.09131975661301926,0.10418749053623408,0.04346404739675305,0.0,0.0,0.05214116977891018,0.0,0.08792693197660759,0.024845318340586144,0.0,0.0810791336621168,0.1196596392484136,0.0760675235430356,0.10485823967194316,0.0,0.0,0.0841047602053137,0.10124552247957756,0.0,0.046950327124354534,0.0,0.05054832130450287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431034383803461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303342532940764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052269534436424674,0.03876335005993495,0.0,0.0,0.05166821741722115,0.0486278054808113,0.16794611915215313,0.09293111160384072,0.0,0.08398317481694335,0.04208432892146679,0.039933891221720634,0.0,0.10382293770628424,0.08085844911342306,0.08583977523982819,0.0,0.06348613613863778,0.048212905425319814,0.04777499244205422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792385682357609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795763197086617,0.0,0.03495810633861958,0.0,0.07335408596621973,0.04592853378878743,0.0,0.04462677530496334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990055834571979,0.10128820450713387,0.09667269310370484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079250267420463,0.06593675077340806,0.0,0.0,0.052200675851360234,0.08990894536221608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780551264120928,0.0,0.10116035194516493,0.0,0.0,0.12185879053581232,0.0,0.0,0.05105584889840717,0.0,0.12183411837098053,0.0,0.0,0.047610455519310736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695186210059624,0.08058572490121334,0.07321971639114813,0.0,0.05323348688470722,0.0336593941433103,0.0,0.0759543378780552,0.039757779089491005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052017019386714734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043781891072026194,0.0,0.0,0.09477949938065854,0.030471070678900963,0.0934443158239526,0.11325913327970293,0.08318841770484445,0.0,0.045076205075233085,0.2272023146708161,0.0,0.0,0.10345150906634973,0.04645393907833239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03923752940194883,0.14024469047374566,0.037746631921836346,0.07629087127699169,0.0,0.042757300925326786,0.08816719042912984,0.08582126863708353,0.0,0.0,0.04584094217834917,0.0,0.31158286896268544,0.0,0.0,0.16890713472845795,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImSadSience1994,2019/02/18,"I need help asap!! So I'm 24 years old and i been depressed sience childhood.

Every morning i wake up and i feel like a zombie,fucking dead inside..I'm going to the gym daily but it dosent work.

I dont know what the fuck to do anymore..i feel i m going grazy",-1.581567460317462,0.33856794642857224,1.1652380952380987,97.79087301587305,101.67857142857143,2.4888888888888894,15.150793650793652,3.1291,-1.2458944444444442,199,5,44,0,9,68,43,56,0.196,0.735,0.07,-0.8193,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,11,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,6,1,3,10,0,6,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,21,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421200852906876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294594444514531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368477434894392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28427585810819683,0.200825416906901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197643055595327,0.0,0.0,0.31952318177453903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842246092665485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449099415578488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373364042216787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084398940909702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949782105725723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465181192053467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102596304229632
suicidewatch,RapThought,2019/02/18,"Does anybody feel suicidal after seeing whats deemed to be the norm? A few months ago i deleted facebook as i had been feeling incredibly down when i see my peers having children getting married travelling it really triggers me (i have depression and severe anxiety)

Lately iv been feeling lost even when i see people I dont know doing life the way its ""supposed"" to be done.

I feel like i dont fit in or understand what my purpose is in life as im approaching 30 and dont want to get married or have children. 



",4.810820367751064,5.900861821782179,6.159915134370582,76.59792079207921,69.39603960396039,8.939745403111743,34.23055162659123,9.23628265651192,3.27498189533239,408,20,73,8,7,138,70,101,0.163,0.7829999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,14,3,0,1,0,12,27,8,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,7,11,1,9,20,1,13,0,2,3,0,2,4,0,2,7,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952876435851552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041329740537683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557146102918274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377449216140747,0.16107849770044816,0.5534274223535177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039635710486329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183518903256822,0.1124491392326074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447373362337314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002286221754645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650488359280392,0.0,0.17755807883027394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223575877422938,0.0768994317446803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718245864896473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563802492222345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912381393178412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083675513584094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376290789755464,0.0,0.0,0.17782122680227344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217395392589116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638626636782295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284070160369327,0.12493962441507522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheWolvenOne,2019/02/18,"My housemate is making my life a living hell and am ready to kill myself Because she’s the only one who is ever here she thinks she can walk all over me like am not even there, she has her boyfriend here everyweekend or even for the week (when this isn’t allowed) and he is nothing but an absolute cunt in every sense of the word. Slamming doors everytime they get near one as loud as they can, sitting in the kitchen  and chatting shit LOUDLY until early in the morning so I can’t sleep. And now because I’ve reported her the fucking bitch has decided to live in the kitchen every chance she gets after actively avoiding me for months. I haven’t even done anything to her and she all of a sudden decided she despises me and treats me like absolute shit. I am absolutely fucking sick of it and it’s driving me up the fucking wall because security don’t do nothing and they’re not even here on weekends so that’s when he comes and treats the place like his own fucking playground. I absolutely hate my fucking life and I am THIS close to just overdosing on sleeping pills or some shit. Living here is hell and I hate every second of it",3.8274666666666697,5.560678968888888,4.59877777777778,84.35550000000002,72.64444444444446,7.311111111111113,29.38888888888889,7.984000788550335,1.980155555555556,908,38,175,13,18,292,119,225,0.227,0.7020000000000001,0.071,-0.9942,1,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,0,16,23,16,1,12,0,18,16,5,2,3,30,30,21,1,0,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,7,13,2,2,3,2,0,3,6,17,0,3,1,2,28,6,23,29,4,27,2,0,0,5,17,12,12,3,14,127,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911228814057258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250333244340352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538568790647882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331713257858213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292549382618882,0.10016330204292913,0.2798890900874193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118490765406836,0.11570564752443878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864956314661174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250839087332514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642636732871087,0.1622939726896643,0.0,0.29333476905422057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391437282115801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838510993254185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250040196922235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006954093806454,0.08421656522448848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569122002808355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34099397259464953,0.0,0.0,0.2216236477283061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095250129892276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882241455212203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fregos,2019/02/18,"Why does life feel so overwhelming at times? I feel like at times I just can't handle it and it would be easier to jump from my apartment building. I can't handle it. I'm trying, I promise I am but it's hard to get a handle on things. Everything is just so overwhelming I feel like all of my senses are being pulled in every direction and it's driving me insane. 

To my brothers if you find my Reddit account, I'm sorry.",0.2324999999999981,2.5502272500000025,2.8163636363636364,89.11954545454546,89.0,5.4727272727272736,19.363636363636363,6.980632752743323,0.5462363636363636,330,10,67,5,11,114,57,88,0.079,0.818,0.103,0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,12,14,6,0,2,4,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,4,12,3,9,11,1,10,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22728445546167186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188269703756272,0.0,0.2334213691964481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939697114964629,0.37109086967610416,0.0,0.0,0.2373811850112033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569401523590086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326598800247752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834493157917416,0.2537740813177938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907374935338894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254774329054698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028919510374937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763341762312212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343586903247949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844990432330682,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayoffabuildin,2019/02/18,"Within the next few hours, I'm going to unlock my door and jump off my building. It's 9 floors high, my only worry is that I survive. I hope I land on my head.

I'm done with this really, I typed out last messages for the people I care about. 

For the past month, I've been wanting to die so bad. I felt worthless, like a piece of trash, and I really can't seem to break out of all of these miserable thoughts. The only thing keeping me going was my boyfriend, who was an amazing person and sent me to therapy, constantly spending any available time with me to make sure I was okay.

Today, he's going to break up with me. I have nothing else to live for.",3.6148937908496777,4.074484492647063,4.793039215686274,87.61339869281048,71.72058823529412,7.515032679738562,26.140522875816988,7.3871296695380915,1.1486366013071896,505,15,110,5,9,167,91,136,0.124,0.759,0.117,-0.4687,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,6,1,8,1,1,1,2,17,22,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,8,0,1,3,0,1,5,1,3,0,0,8,1,18,6,23,14,3,24,0,2,0,0,5,9,0,2,9,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191485262604123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629268529447334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863784941562635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893393174650446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183988761258246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930023732650194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636512619349654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822867851006595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987269352571689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981558258055216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511854664220725,0.0,0.17402265195446778,0.17254614832948073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573432989209113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281919700772047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559855324535938,0.0,0.15471327389105172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695375877502635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985061946430702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633738177561499,0.0,0.0,0.16811832261391027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665095698764204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725737463612014,0.12146826556781012,0.15298625181703082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448749380210212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950422613060913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513296071329667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036743056448048,0.0,0.11640146318115648,0.0,0.0,0.13909683970199752,0.1021661182412318,0.0,0.1660782002341448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334315298903386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779338388429749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yufferz,2019/02/18,"Obesity I have a ridiculously hard time using body wash because the idea of rubbing my misshapen, stretch marked body makes me want to end my life. 

I almost certainly have diabetes. 

I want to be reduced to a rotting whale carcass as I feel I belong, so at least my blubber'll make a good meal for the sarcophagidae.",8.520621468926556,7.808697898305089,7.880000000000003,73.59536723163842,61.54237288135593,11.256497175141243,41.700564971751426,10.504223727775694,4.472249717514125,252,13,44,5,3,79,45,59,0.067,0.7979999999999999,0.135,0.4228,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,0,3,7,2,3,1,9,9,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,9,2,7,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25951291337841226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798251004493089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5757402426715645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22954026037105035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103989532538587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173724599319168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321578951518239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925619088008125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830535071913464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459847699033876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511192170386356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383241847269508,0.0,0.0,0.3057204606547149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neurotic_captivity,2019/02/18,"What would you do if you were planning to end your life? I'm trying to distance myself from this kind of thinking by going through the actions that seem necessary in advance.

​

At first it was the obvious, simple things: writing a couple letters and gathering the few documents/passwords I imagine will be needed.

But now I'm trying to reach out to the few people that mean the most to me, and visit a couple places that hold nostalgic value in my heart.

​

And so far I feel this intense sense of approaching loss and fear, but it's overshadowed by a sense of hopelessness and inevitability. Like a limb feeling numb and barely feeling the sensation of pain.  


What would you do, if you felt like you were at the end? ...and please, not recommendations for treatment, but actions that would carry meaning to you.

​",7.868589181286553,8.481131546052634,7.144035087719297,73.92435672514621,62.48684210526316,9.65029239766082,36.62573099415204,9.444778638647367,3.5425722222222227,673,30,110,11,9,208,94,152,0.106,0.79,0.103,-0.6622,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,7,0,4,2,8,0,1,11,0,10,4,1,0,1,31,22,13,0,6,6,0,4,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,9,0,0,6,1,5,0,1,4,4,12,3,20,13,3,17,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,4,6,83,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832689294910272,0.4298236084770201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26093212989676273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886795396398392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326824387278626,0.17885774011947503,0.0,0.11321286534539025,0.0,0.0,0.10029487197056117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701142872079204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972487369454575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227859606064622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328388983087956,0.11521052852765812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568788705348901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742936914857367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546541169170308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817445070320977,0.0,0.12319169699788185,0.12943065783983626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734157002763853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833470068152593,0.07555248392347258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010739580333766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512813622260007,0.0,0.4298236084770201,0.0
suicidewatch,mslanceou,2019/02/18,"I cant do this anymore I cant do this anymore. I just cant. I have felt like this for years, had an awful upbringing watching my parents abuse each other, and then my mum dies in 2017 and i have to go live with my older sister. 

I hate living with her and she takes all her anger out on me but i have no where else to go. No one cares about how i feel. My friends, my family, no body cares. If i ever show how much i’m hurting people get mad at me, don’t have a clue on how to relate or act like they can’t see me. My life seems to just get worse and worse and i cant take it anymore. Nothing makes me happy anymore, i have no will to live. I just want to fucking die.",-0.7599000000000018,0.9955138600000026,1.5969166666666688,100.311375,87.06666666666666,4.283333333333334,16.708333333333332,5.148860815047168,-0.9323666666666668,509,11,130,2,16,172,86,150,0.29100000000000004,0.631,0.078,-0.9883,1,1,0,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,4,0,2,1,15,3,1,4,2,25,32,12,2,2,6,3,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,3,1,0,3,10,5,0,1,2,4,26,6,15,29,3,13,0,1,2,1,8,6,1,3,6,88,31,0,0.0,0.15464010780189216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177471715239049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497384383918793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661395035507034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27090998673148525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090293634571313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805918649882198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230388611661946,0.0,0.06599280687225892,0.0,0.12531581948652645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083633127871873,0.12065993104074632,0.1363784374261151,0.0,0.1483504914302734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893669989327306,0.0,0.12885752080311966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972006830325182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218730461720637,0.1275270416650326,0.0,0.3457440349911649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871204378036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959442711194586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523361388588564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844101362496103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449225630413071,0.0,0.0,0.09048335501444447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400434726799897,0.11881685682935147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962635653941056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698171334305141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660138912756848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404801939507701
suicidewatch,Punkquiinn,2019/02/18,"A lost cause So today had a meeting with my community mental health team, who have discharged me from their services because I’m too unstable to work with and so I’m left with no support at all. 
I was already having thoughts of suicide before today and now I’m just done. I just can’t do this. 
How can they just say I’m too unstable then just leave me with no other referrals or anything. 
I fucking hate my life. ",1.6280952380952378,3.988548476190477,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,82.09523809523809,5.6380952380952385,26.0,6.937597516519254,1.2382714285714287,328,14,65,4,9,108,60,84,0.24,0.73,0.03,-0.9493,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,3,10,4,2,0,2,0,8,3,0,2,1,15,17,7,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,1,9,1,8,12,1,6,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,1,4,47,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412051108355215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987021427642294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332424861768252,0.0,0.18599289417205944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453874791490752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368011857907127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207087759798803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21579949606464094,0.0,0.2323370875677416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314414408248325,0.23748450679933186,0.0,0.1543873710743397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386025722208934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202741660267805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738211717837915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390877179770453,0.2480385441750257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352569111138658,0.0,0.0,0.4143708014633112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591266302609316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oscdan,2019/02/18,"I’ve decided that next week or the week after I’m going to kill myself but I don’t know how I’m 16 but I’ve been depressed for years now and have always had a toxic and abusive family who act really fake and perfect to everyone else. I’m in counselling but they don’t believe me and i won’t be where I need to be to get better till I’m 18 because of this. 

Everything is too much and all of my attempts never work. I don’t really want anyone to talk me out of it I don’t think I just need help with how to do it because if I end up as a cabbage or something I don’t know what I’d do. I need it to work 

There’s no where I can properly hang myself apart from a tree in a park but I feel bad for who finds me? A belt could work for a noose right? I know overdoses don’t work but I’m around 6-7 stone and 5’3 so I feel like if I get enough packs of ibuprofen over the next 2 weeks i could get enough to kill me. There’s no tall buildings to jump off of and I’m really lost as to what to do. 

I don’t want to give my ‘parents’ the satisfaction of burying me and acting like they care at my funeral but I can’t deal with them or life any longer. (I know it may seem like my parents care but they’re the main reason I’m so fucked up) ",0.3979389086595511,1.6134425587188623,2.8339012455516053,95.59872849940687,80.70818505338079,6.249169632265718,19.537514827995256,6.996647511020387,0.01612087781731919,953,22,244,11,24,330,138,281,0.16399999999999998,0.703,0.133,-0.9251,2,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,3,8,12,14,3,0,10,0,22,3,0,3,3,49,51,27,3,9,13,2,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,11,0,0,5,12,7,0,0,3,2,32,7,37,42,5,30,0,2,0,1,11,14,1,7,14,150,42,4,0.0,0.1281639809040198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000625911139044,0.0,0.0,0.07355943499808601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563510831520108,0.0,0.0,0.09629439790963797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903175860614042,0.13187908134601214,0.0,0.0,0.12187075639442473,0.0,0.09566773812529693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205734251981704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727301813974002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151871082284444,0.09316682169074728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036230933050493,0.0,0.09580667714751842,0.22353743328486514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033612471364896,0.09721638727141453,0.0,0.10197322335779924,0.0,0.1093881912008777,0.07727680165597094,0.0,0.0,0.0988655892664844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000159284419058,0.16954337104180556,0.10376669786296876,0.061475608821771874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725041947619066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393485655363385,0.0,0.23779001875135866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640380051783774,0.15853946526254992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808053472346546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951753207102931,0.2406204642960109,0.08342751502125911,0.0,0.2300804374613749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022037835077634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207889770773928,0.11121696572407444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237674681296423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984740736812027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327469299921324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694309715257036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931108671842852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760315521115853,0.0,0.2603027926369583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149967314276697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965805253169599
suicidewatch,Meowloveyoulongtime,2019/02/18,"My mom killed herself and now I want to end it She had schizophrenia, I wasn’t there enough, it’s my fault 

I don’t want to die but how can I live with this ",-1.999166666666668,-0.1473159166666651,-0.3264444444444443,110.22700000000002,97.05555555555556,2.8800000000000003,12.755555555555556,3.1291,-2.0389377777777784,121,2,34,0,5,38,28,36,0.211,0.72,0.069,-0.6956,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741041018097842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192635832778949,0.3724550525710304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987993476065086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182957882726831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4221703802598363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252213079841177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nylonintestines,2019/02/18,"Afraid to do the things I thought I loved On the verge of dropping out of school. I feel tied to my bed. My parents love me so much they'd never understand. Ive consistently disappointed them. Take prozac. School therapist didnt see anything wrong with me, i understand. Its not the typical college kid trouble of pressure to succeed or trauma or etc. Its just from being superfluous you know? I think about walking outside of my house and it drives me insane. Feel like a selfish tumor that only wants comfort. I know its not easy. I don't want it to be easy. Just want to know the right steps. I don't want to jump off a bridge but its looking like the best option. Just want to know how to make it stop. I mean I think I know how but I dont have the guts to start. I was doing the whole fitness thing once. I liked it. I can't go back. I don't know what I'm doing.",0.3495757575757565,2.66507997777778,1.9575757575757569,95.60045454545455,88.11111111111109,4.828282828282829,19.848484848484848,6.351523495107088,0.015499999999999847,676,21,151,7,22,219,106,180,0.108,0.7190000000000001,0.174,0.8982,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,2,2,8,15,0,2,9,0,15,4,1,3,1,37,43,8,0,5,9,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,12,3,0,1,14,0,0,5,9,7,0,0,3,4,26,8,19,37,4,16,0,1,2,2,7,6,0,3,7,98,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717144654305964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014187087897736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667249871898945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263322280754238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524528321770086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170039930613486,0.09303916193753364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401495664689388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027249604290574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294390474433031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087719297338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093637201342635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350824542390328,0.0,0.08693217481014334,0.0,0.0,0.14186295404446225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573694025492684,0.0,0.1004444531059238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386949094081164,0.0,0.09904878970858827,0.0,0.0,0.14460939248995544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112190841470966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636074262848567,0.10377959897419736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218026213723053,0.0,0.0,0.1088814160724211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791972472728314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121165703910794,0.17304330277893593,0.16689731673862676,0.0,0.10339121128866696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711562757263607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38407679817950574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540155743369018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239038297231327,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,durrhurrdahhurrdur,2019/02/18,"A notice to the OP’s To everyone who posts about being a burden to your parents. Fuck your parents. They ripped you into this world, so they have no right to push you out of it. You owe them nothing. That is all.",0.5254545454545436,2.7528133636363634,2.055636363636367,95.99845454545458,85.81818181818181,4.42909090909091,17.89090909090909,5.6839178017228535,-0.4602309090909089,164,4,36,1,5,53,35,44,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.8344,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,3,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,8,4,1,6,0,0,0,1,11,4,1,0,0,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940068845336176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844504838616667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952327401343837,0.35030222379280995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6832971446942361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946778610482049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627619178971993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justincaseidont,2019/02/18,"The world isnt what i expected. (19M) Never really seriously considered suicide in my life until now.  I was confident that life would be better once I graduated and moved away.  I got my first job ever at Walmart last December, and spent a year there having my soul sucked out of me.  I hated working, but since I quit (about 4months ago) I've seen everyone around me get more and more hateful.  I'm a piece of shit, even my girlfriend thinks so.  My entire family thinks I should enlist in the military now, because they'd ""straighten me out""...

The conclusion I've made is I can't ever be a functional member of society, so I'll just kill myself.  I don't know how.  I don't want to die, I enjoy living.  I feel cornered.  This isn't what I want at all.  The world's all about money and I don't care for it, but most others do, so I must be wrong.  I'm scared.  

Thanks for reading.  <3",1.3894999999999982,3.485904283333337,3.518888888888892,87.64500000000002,81.16666666666666,6.8888888888888875,21.666666666666664,7.984000788550335,1.109833333333333,681,21,143,13,18,232,115,180,0.22,0.6859999999999999,0.094,-0.9772,1,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,1,5,14,12,5,1,7,0,17,3,1,2,6,29,35,11,3,6,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,1,2,1,7,8,0,1,5,2,25,4,17,23,6,22,1,0,1,0,2,11,2,1,10,96,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406110583668637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120944536090024,0.0,0.0,0.14903294991800348,0.0,0.0,0.09669602975788227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029048971552804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172826098780868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462719909585413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047699936565426,0.2869699036986784,0.0,0.15157251820247153,0.0,0.0,0.14953707198554275,0.0,0.08020531902075488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492592823499613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287476014231854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686651227066786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132177294487005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741035125097946,0.0,0.1754945195203854,0.0,0.08717588299307656,0.12930014799939366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22408236675851068,0.0,0.0,0.14006834956859696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500943479239936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859275195586446,0.0,0.0,0.12234100196612845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689299275361346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871669319030114,0.15866743729447694,0.0,0.10161892371883197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588108080299331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628257813015798,0.13121583488560967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350946950638324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460401380828388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032803636625874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712169310801716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548053339805375,0.0,0.0,0.1126823016316964,0.17343100175778836,0.0,0.10214898453544133
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAnonDot,2019/02/18,"I'm going to kill myself, but I don't know how. PLEASE HELP. I don't have a gun. There's no buildings I can climb onto and jump off of that would work. Overdoses barely work. I just want to die peacefully and not fail and end up institutionalized like in the past.  I just need to get out of this life before it gets worse, so please help.  I just want to die in peace. I don't want to fucking be here anymore.",0.5109195402298816,2.495143080459769,2.2857471264367817,95.89229885057472,83.71264367816093,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.5535609195402298,316,6,76,3,9,104,60,87,0.206,0.494,0.301,0.8377,0,0,0,1,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,0,16,17,6,3,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,13,15,0,11,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,46,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937290520767639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662236089864542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054730788631348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301706591068872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805926548695185,0.20411866532081427,0.0,0.11101866571407047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618703292382609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611952199984066,0.0,0.10735611695377896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797745401051356,0.09543535630799696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484532105022765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864782351844672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288587546981995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456573827561148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28442594955650385,0.0,0.1990725274052428,0.13876698390946202,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mufasa_5,2019/02/18,"So today is the day. My birthday is on Wednesday and I thought if I could hold on until then maybe something would happen. Maybe a flicker of hope or something really cool. But I can’t. I’m at my apartment packing up all my things so my mom doesn’t have to. I’m going to the train tracks tonight and I’ll wait and wait until one of them takes me to a place where I don’t have to feel anymore. Because I can’t do this. No matter how hard I try, I can’t escape my mind and this hollow feeling in my chest and gut. And all this hurt. I need it to stop. I can’t even look at myself without throwing up. I’m done. ",-0.3728855721393032,1.5983040000000024,1.719373134328361,98.64677114427865,87.35820895522389,3.8718407960199017,19.381094527363185,4.604124745555138,-0.6150033830845771,472,14,112,1,15,157,81,134,0.08199999999999999,0.8390000000000001,0.079,-0.3197,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,4,1,14,2,2,1,2,26,28,15,0,5,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,4,3,0,0,2,8,1,0,1,2,5,18,2,17,24,2,20,0,1,1,0,2,10,0,3,8,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941253423467632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932365938714586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628556948214242,0.0,0.0,0.12623861648480755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003139617613029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928699418548406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979479859066247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112457644199133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309567673819212,0.0,0.17534807870348687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441785113608065,0.0,0.0,0.20954788424820656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643755694431279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933020974190669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764553003420485,0.2292528798753443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514161523414992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264112672528708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045107045817024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253985491594171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013864216095475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365065806746554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471750457281561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004354368014814,0.0,0.0,0.15539878499126586,0.0,0.0,0.1855423213439956,0.0,0.0,0.13289725331507152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869012620230646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905084430588144,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FloatingDownward,2019/02/18,"My calling the police betrayed trust, what happens now? They threatened suicide, they were googling how many of their antidepressants would cause an OD. I said I’d call the police, they said they’d kill me if I did. I did so anyways. Police came, lots of hate screamed my way. The police took them to the hospital, but lies to the psychologist and inability to afford treatments had them back home in a few hours with no help. I am no longer trusted, they don’t want to talk to me, they hate me. 
What do I do now? I’m still worried, they still have the same desires. I was their one confidant and now I’m not. ",3.1485950413223165,4.884619768595041,3.6595785123966964,90.3766404958678,74.45454545454545,6.4928925619834725,26.149586776859504,7.1686216300943375,1.0404340495867768,476,17,101,5,10,149,76,121,0.252,0.667,0.081,-0.9715,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,11,0,9,6,3,0,8,0,12,0,0,2,0,14,22,6,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,9,3,22,2,9,11,3,11,0,0,0,0,17,1,0,2,7,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174926750143546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764719629411916,0.2108405903756273,0.0,0.18937221535240786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301491733122134,0.0,0.0,0.36400335373012105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356199361063795,0.0,0.18491220647866724,0.0,0.18154184809217772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394948197572893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567227986332532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689602759749493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491636253022548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35070698979136505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944349423246213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164257277333286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481688397496586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481312637951612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087309520550822,0.1463238006326646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721042604791824,0.0,0.13095279048271244,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JaceKagamine,2019/02/18,"19 years old and a graduating student I feel like I never did anything correct in my life, if anything happened I feel like it was always my fault.
I am now about to graduate but I am failing a class and i feel like the world would be better without someone as worthless as myself.
I hope tonight when I die in my sleep
(Sorry for my bad english it is not my primary one)",1.3543421052631572,3.5983854868421083,3.3307894736842094,88.10302631578949,82.28947368421052,5.378947368421053,27.921052631578952,6.6274283507984215,1.3708999999999998,291,14,58,3,8,98,54,76,0.182,0.623,0.195,-0.2122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,2,13,12,7,1,3,4,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,3,14,5,8,8,0,9,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,9,43,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899262356217618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342623593444901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957716022204694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962241977021767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078218432020826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080751983294771,0.4352767101288331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795976341860788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201720729053178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345312011747147,0.2976681892723195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566406023304132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131156952728449,0.0,0.1376234981978686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324325304846214,0.0,0.17208307242178775,0.0,0.0,0.22734999257188385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957778547610005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427398268695732,0.0,0.0,0.13078753817548078
suicidewatch,not-reusable,2019/02/18,"Not fair. My abusive ex who raped me, stalked me and tried to kill me and always had the charges dropped with help of his family has been using the police to harass me. He moved out after a long drawn out process fuck tenants rights in California. You’d think you can evict someone faster for having been arrested for hitting you but it’s so hard. The last month the cops have been questioning me and treating me like a criminal for him saying I stole his property and everything. They never once helped with him. The DA dropped the charges on a plea deal for a dui and I had a scar for months on my head. Just fuck all this how am I ever supposed to be free of him. He sends threatening texts and the cops tell me it’s a civil issue. Yet he can call them on me non stop. Then his mom goes and tells everyone I’m calling cops and harassing them. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t. ",2.66267034990792,4.292054530386743,3.5237348066298364,91.29120073664828,75.51933701657457,7.036611418047882,24.77384898710865,7.793537801064563,1.1136516390423572,694,23,152,10,15,221,115,181,0.211,0.73,0.059,-0.9804,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,3,3,0,6,9,6,0,13,0,16,4,1,2,3,24,22,12,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,12,0,1,2,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,5,2,27,4,19,14,1,22,0,0,0,3,28,7,2,1,12,98,32,0,0.0,0.19145728272419946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445551297709848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025348793260147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300021485978594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659180837272122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461670673215696,0.0,0.15440581180571042,0.1452263359171664,0.0,0.15233231768395988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987740096553129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447525648883041,0.0,0.16583757423059098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662023943554626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865758657640814,0.0,0.0,0.17877497896948152,0.0,0.0,0.13171711175093045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894452874516218,0.0,0.0,0.14300173351738055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925181624659831,0.2579585946197582,0.17174419900796736,0.0,0.0,0.1246278807644436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208767729684246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810173619297328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379966571493783,0.0,0.12850255582139716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691436519200406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509616230801286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824729098367924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354010722957706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970874859996248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956155425119635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SparkleMeHappy,2019/02/18,"I’m a mom and girlfriend to his father for 10 years. But I’m shaking inside of a closet because nothing is good enough for my brain. You’d think I would be happy. I’m 28 and have a son with my boyfriend of 10 years. He gives me all I could ask for. But here I am. On the verge of quitting my job because I feel no need to be on this earth. Another life is waiting for me, this isn’t the one for me. 

I’ve been preparing my family for when I leave. I have borderline personality disorder which sounds like you’re on the Border of having a personality disorder but it’s not like that. It’s like being on the border of bipolar disorder along with having multiple personalities. A million voices screaming at me because they each feel every emotion possible and I feel responsible for every single one of those screams as if it’s a person asking for my help. That’s why it’s over whelming. 

I’ve made my son into someone I don’t get along with. He is like me & that’s my fault but do you know how hard it is to live with yourself? I fight in my head every damn day but I’m talking about having a mini you follow you around and remind you what a bad person you are. 

I have no control yet feel so controlled. 


",2.3728837032821133,3.978182334661355,4.3033010813887325,85.49855245683933,76.25099601593625,6.852665528362738,24.701384936444697,7.62386473244151,1.1996532346803264,950,32,198,13,21,324,133,251,0.153,0.767,0.08,-0.9382,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,6,1,3,7,13,2,1,12,0,22,4,2,4,1,35,40,14,0,4,7,4,5,4,1,1,2,4,1,5,13,13,0,3,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,3,2,9,31,6,34,32,4,17,0,0,0,0,26,10,1,1,9,136,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544447785758585,0.0,0.0,0.11172464005647773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485011589463553,0.1992155875469436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896294790987509,0.1948516178711473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894256277236885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239004796101628,0.08506973447935663,0.0,0.0,0.0687145052546325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36633896894391105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198519144083698,0.0,0.1100923413725228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693133064526685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044376686080034,0.0,0.21549504100215847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055666818775110025,0.10221034174326683,0.0,0.08936722486204131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134220957526481,0.09544588503083383,0.0,0.10934876391322784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141673269993784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573223356987137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855587481402302,0.0,0.0,0.1128187174154557,0.0,0.0,0.07525784979421105,0.2082154584338677,0.0,0.09408364402109884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081808804882188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478747516002607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790038306849878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223547094847056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443990698431332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651670698343422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201166157056588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332668194793985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027759037823788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563907164047463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682715168352289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614280128716304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568848770508721,0.0,0.0,0.13722655728791222
suicidewatch,chadosaya,2019/02/18,"just another note man, i just need a place to let it all out. i can't tell anyone. we've all got our own fucking problems, we're all tired but god fucking damn it im so done.

I can't fucking do anything right. I'm already a junior at college and I still don't know what the fuck i want to do with my life. I'm so lost, I'm in pain, and I just want to feel loved for once. this is the lowest point of my life. I've got no one to talk to and I've never felt so empty, sad, and alone. 

I just want to make the pain go away and just end it all. I'm just another god damn burden; hurting everyone i know. all i do is cause pain. If i die then so be it. It'll be the only thing I'll do right in my life. 

when all I've done is cause pain, its fucking impossible to think that my death will cause any more pain than ive already inflicted. im too much of a pussy to kill myself but i know i shouldnt be. if anything happens and anyone here recognizes me, just know that I'm sorry for everything I've done but i dont think i can be sorry about killing myself. ",0.20712885154061667,1.525695483193278,2.5636134453781523,96.86864145658264,81.56302521008405,5.7098039215686285,19.73669467787115,6.42735559955562,-0.16510868347338906,807,20,207,7,21,277,113,238,0.334,0.612,0.054000000000000006,-0.9979,1,1,0,0,0,2,25.0,1,0,0,1,16,20,9,0,7,0,24,15,0,4,7,45,53,17,4,8,12,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,7,19,0,1,7,2,23,1,20,38,9,15,0,3,0,6,5,9,7,2,5,122,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705370599329994,0.18550946458450826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057159018853637174,0.1762740961957078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754382241511115,0.0,0.1383371481206859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897069375346538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590371909609395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723389109886333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580466406292169,0.09850965640918667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444613550283283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803163791832249,0.07554154423662801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042499794101048524,0.0,0.08070419759672864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885288767459649,0.0,0.0,0.047769337594475984,0.0,0.13444995208924446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432791586598933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998062692145918,0.0,0.18158363386689733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598469619075453,0.0,0.18477363461762994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595003245243375,0.17810765978839774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175393354614178,0.0,0.07586124229361133,0.0,0.05610612495713745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178873063613016,0.06232433974705615,0.06482696480929097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951385301432338,0.05695658432023608,0.0639262020578698,0.4471923462863933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878176435731224,0.0,0.07945738755058496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042750525315555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356184799019406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818122183622985,0.0,0.0,0.06712494776366214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755873164967463,0.0734661508855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584117267234131,0.10771571893144152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660672199301452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873016265054195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AllOptionsExhausted,2019/02/18,"The guilt of what I've done/who I've been is too much to live with Before I get to explaining why suicide is the only option left for me, I best clear some things up. 

Around 4 years ago I started to developed depression and anxiety; anxiety so bad I could barely leave the house. I've tried a few different medications but without any success. I've attended around 25 hours worth of sessions of CBT therapy in total, the last appointment being in November 2018. But due to my alchohol and cannabis dependancy the mental health team I was with decided I wouldn't be allowed to continue CBT therapy until I'm sober, and quitting isn't working out. So that's all of that out of the way. 

Oh wait. I haven't confessed to any therapist exactly what I did/was doing. They all seemed to like me. If only they knew.

I've started to remember things I've done in recent years, and it's truly disturbing. I guess that's why I've been drunk and high almost everyday for the past two years - to forget, and that had been working for the most part. Now, though, if I'm to start therapy to conquer my anxiety disorder sobriety is required. Drink and smoke to forget or be sober and try to live with sick fuck I've been. 

I've felt so sorry for myself over the past few years too. In those moments I must have forgotten what I did. Given the evils I commited, suffering is deserved. Hell is just. And if God exists and He forgives me, that's not enough. How the hell have I gotten here I don't know.

Thinking about all of it now, I just feel a complete disconnection from that twisted person. I often wonder how I could sleep at night, go to work the next day, speak with family or friends, knowing what I was doing. It's fucking crazy. It's like I wasn't really a conscious thinking person. I've always been caring and sensitive for a guy. So how? How?? I've always thought I was a good guy. This is surreal. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in hell. Literally. I wouldn't argue that if it were God's final judgement. I'd just hate him for creating me. Hating myself a little more. Oh poor me, right? I still have the audacity to fucking pity myself.

So I'm not going to read back and check through all of what I've said. The ramblings of a sick, twisted, madman. I'm just going to tell you all what I was doing. 

It could have been happening for around one year or two between the age of 17 and 20/21, but it's all such a fucking blur it might have happened over different periods in that time for weeks or a couple of months each a time over those 4 years, stopping and starting again doing it occasionally. I'm assuming in the first couple of years it would be something I did very occasionally, like I'd stumble across it and not do it for a couple of months. At times perhaps being longer or shorter differences in times between when I'd do it. I'm trying to remember but I just can't. 4 years doesnt seem right at all. It can't of been something I was doing all the time for that long (4 years). My memory is really bad (I don't know if it's my brain dissociating because of the stress remembering it exactly would bring). My memory has never been great though.

How this was happening I don't now. Man, this is hard to speak about. I wish I could blame it on porn addiction. The things I've had to deal with in life, even though I've had a better life than most in this poverty stricken world. I could blame it on all the drugs I've abused over the years. Maybe mental illness But nah, that would be a cop out. I must just be evil. Honestly I wish it never happened and I'll wake up from been in a coma or something.

But It's worth noting the last time I did this was between the age of 20 and 21. I remember towards the end, before I stopped entirely, there was a moment where I was like, what the fuck am I actually doing. Like what the fuck. Just before that realisation I think I must've been doing it more frequently and it just hit me. That what I was doing was BEYOND fucked up. Don't know why it took so long to realise how evil it is. I feel so disgusting.

 See, I know there's mostly good inside me. I would never actually hurt another person like that in real life. I would beat the fucking shit out of someone for doing that someone I knew, or even someone I didn't know. If my Mother knew what I was watching online, or my grandmother knew, I couldn't bear the thought of them finding out I had done this. It would destroy them.

It's so surreal. I'm just glad that I stopped when I did but I wish I'd stopped afterthe first time I ever did it. Why it took so long I don't know. I've smoked weed everyday since I was 15 years old, but of all the drugs, you'd think weed wouldn't mess with your mind and make you do that. The pain I've felt and the way I'm still suffering with this guilt and shame is exactly what I should be feeling. 

Sometimes I wish I was a sociopath. So I wouldn't feel remorse. The evil stain in my mind and soul. See, I'm still feeling sorry for ME! I shouldn't get to pity myself what I did and who I was. 

Some of you will hate me, and rightly so. Though I suspect some of you will say that I've realised what I was doing was evil, and that I stopped it before it got worse, and now feel extreme remorse and guilt all the time so I should try forgiving myself. But this is the suicide section or reddit. Full of people who are or have been suicidal for what people have done to them, or for what they've experienced in life. So a lot of you will be too empathetic and kind. Those people deserve empathy and help from others. Not me. I've done this to myself. I was being the evil sick fuck for doing what I was doing.

Trouble is killing myself would just cause so much pain to my family. My brother is young and needs a happy mother. My grandparents have given me every part of themselves for 24 years. They don't deserve that. I can't ever tell any of them what I've done for the same reason because it would hurt them too much. 

I'm either going to have to live being truly miserable, grasping on to any bit of joy I may experience in moments before inevitably remembering who I've been/what I've done, for the next 50 years. Or, I kill myself, be selfish, and break my grandfather's and my mother's heart by finding true peace in suicide. The past few years have been hell. I deserve that. They certainly do not. Maybe i'll wait till my grandad is dead or scenile and when my brother is old enough to look after himself. 15 years is a long time to wait though. 3 years of hell has been unbearable enough.




From the age of 17, maybe 17 and a half, to 20/21 I would watch and get off to ""forced sex porn"" or rape porn. So porn stars playing out that ""fantasy"". Though I fear I might have come across one or two real videos. Infact i know I have atleast a couple of times because of how sick I feel from the mental image that just popped up in my mind. It's not all I watched ofcourse. Like I said I think it's something I would do occasionally. I'd go months not watching it, or I'd watch it often in a few days period, or at other times once a week or month. It isn't the type of porn I would watch the most either, probs 20 - 30%. Bla bla bla it doesn't matter. I was still fucking doing it. I can't try and lessen how disturbing, wicked and evil it is with excuses.

So PLEASE try and tell me why I could ever deserve forgiveness. And actually mean that when saying it. Don't tell me I deserve to forget what I did, or that I deserve to forgive myself, just so I don't eventually kill myself. Somethings you can't take back. 

How could I ever have a get married and have kids and be happy? How could I look my future wife in the eyes having her think I'm a good man knowing the monster I've been? For my kids to have a father whose done those things. All I could do is try be a good person. Be selfless and make a difference to as many people's lifes I could and try be a positive impact on the world to try make up for it. But even if we forget my mental ill health being a reason why that can't happen. Damn. It's just so fucking hard living with what I've done. I can't even look people in eye anymore. And if I do they can't see the evil inside, the shitty, twisted demon in there somewhere.

I'll be 24 this June. 3 years on and the guilt is still just as bad (if not worse). To be honest I don't deserve to forget. It will forever be a reminder never to be evil like that ever again. To be that evil, horrible person. But I don't think I have the right to be happy. Hopefully I'm not selfish enough to drink and smoke weed just to forget for too much longer. I hope one day I'll do some good in this world. But even that would be selfish. Doing good for others just to try and feel less guilt and to feel better seems selfish too. Like I'll be doing it make myself feel less guilt. It's all about me and my suffering again. It's an insult to women have actually really been raped in real life -  they fucking suffer and they don't deserve it AT ALL. I deserve What the hell have I got myself into. Honestly.

Sorry. I am truly sorry in every fucking way. I can't be anymore sorry for what I was doing back then.

I couldn't hold this in anymore. I had to tell someone.

Now those of you who are religious might forgive me because God would. Don't say it if you don't really mean it or because God would want you too please. Any athiests with good morals out there think I deserve any forgiveness, ever?

Please be honest. You won't be helping in me committing suicide by telling me I deserve to suffer. Right now so far I've been too cowardly to try. That would happen long after I've forgotten about this reddit confession. 


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suicidewatch,gigfguhhfgu,2019/02/18,"Just turned 27 years old few days ago My life is shit and I cant fix it , I wish I could just die",-4.103749999999998,-2.8474705416666635,-1.4499999999999975,116.145,108.58333333333331,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-3.1418,73,0,24,0,4,24,21,24,0.365,0.635,0.0,-0.8676,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,5,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042225630507725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740140945800192,0.0,0.0,0.22133303997123865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561832834380626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424094973095746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36012648952888743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522857810306093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732987168040975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946584839226172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100698372759744
suicidewatch,b29l28,2019/02/18,"done I am in serious trouble with money, everyday I’m scared and guilty and ashamed of how I’ve managed to get into this situation in the first place. I can’t tell my mum because she’ll kill me if I don’t kill myself. But then the debt is still there. I’m sick and tired of all of it and I don’t want to feel anymore, I have no way out of the debt alone, which isn’t even the only reason I want to die. Life just ain’t for me, I don’t want to be here, 

I’m even getting to the point now where let’s say  someone could magic away all my debt, so I could start from scratch. Whether I’d actually want to stay or not

Just fucking sick of it",3.811346153846152,2.8972939370629405,5.0791520979020985,90.484881993007,71.16783216783217,8.268881118881119,27.66520979020979,7.1686216300943375,1.04349020979021,495,14,126,4,8,166,90,143,0.306,0.66,0.034,-0.9918,3,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,3,2,5,0,15,5,0,2,2,25,27,11,3,7,7,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,4,0,8,7,0,1,1,3,14,0,19,21,2,16,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,2,6,81,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.1586360545995739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836413652967386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121679834637845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273138016634022,0.0,0.0,0.0990956569648012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595834097193193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687126192205316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663563097369837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473997179800075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219570958946511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827427592954136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028499500116185,0.16986279214703584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35969925030302685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622960313332555,0.11482161885944454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363494107790275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984161172181872,0.0,0.15367265865611174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671397491030854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927500609263098,0.16275188747916808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827253385317906,0.0,0.0,0.13773738025075022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150614895084775,0.17326836195302445,0.12982139865129058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420854507785366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683991848167816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835306818146444,0.1290333294284184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jtothenelly,2019/02/18,Was going to kill myself I was going on a vacation to my favorite place with my husband. And was going to do it when I got home and despite the fact our laundry machine broke and we are now leaving super late and I was about to end it he called and now I feel better and don’t think I’ll do it just because of him. But idk how to tell him thanks without worrying him ,1.3834900542495492,3.0129444556962075,3.3000361663652846,91.50405063291142,79.12658227848101,5.5269439421338165,23.943942133815554,6.18269132825596,0.5358954792043398,288,10,63,2,7,97,53,79,0.102,0.73,0.168,0.7037,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,2,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,15,15,9,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,1,12,3,10,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015585329314549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178521522020524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515227184918251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181685406273349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454801036160094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199721019497946,0.0,0.19700653120946346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708145856323066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725192481308259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778624046405406,0.2608198633304413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573544887222592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529664120164796,0.2267805783110749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783345262429746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23744601073599664,0.0,0.0,0.2501523615289287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Richmondguy804,2019/02/18,Pill question I just wanted to know for informational purposes what over the counter pills do people take to overdose? Also what type of pain or effects happen? Thanks for any help ,5.539895833333333,8.435954031250002,5.16375,77.03958333333338,71.1875,6.7666666666666675,29.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.199404166666667,147,6,23,2,3,45,29,32,0.08900000000000001,0.7509999999999999,0.16,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967171687187352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523170448338674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281057032834876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486974534382904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391155405113526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394808215922084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572294829915021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4156449744248095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789727207193821,0.0,0.0,0.34159988391146073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884650850835502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stickybits_46,2019/02/18,"I’m pretty fucking ready I don’t want to leave anyone with the pain of me dying, but I don’t want to fucking be here anymore. I’ve done my time. Let me out",-1.0991666666666688,0.674552972222223,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,88.72222222222223,3.6,17.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0143666666666662,121,3,30,0,4,42,27,36,0.095,0.698,0.207,0.4355,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,10,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274202154583538,0.1933270872383724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869512617184473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829435829660986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112180598247256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29276124731070097,0.0,0.2827280767404485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942031047366301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812880574810846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612225838846645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261599919523251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tireddepressed,2019/02/18,"Boyfriend’s narcissistic parents will be the death of me I love my boyfriend but his parents don’t realize that they can’t have a hand in our relationship. He’s 26 and I’m 24. We are our own people and unfortunately each suffer from anxiety/depression and suicidal ideation on occasion. 

The voice in my head came back last night, telling me to slice into my forearms and just let the blood flow out of them. I can’t tell my SO this because he’s already so confused between his parent’s ever-changing attitudes and gaslighting. 

I haven’t wanted to die in a while but now I do. ",4.073859649122806,5.795383228070179,4.979824561403512,81.92043859649127,71.98245614035088,8.224561403508767,31.964912280701753,8.841846274778883,2.6919017543859645,464,22,90,9,9,151,79,114,0.213,0.731,0.057,-0.9682,3,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,5,0,10,5,4,0,0,16,14,10,3,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,2,17,1,12,10,2,13,0,1,0,1,16,6,0,1,5,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480073560252668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427055509606288,0.0,0.11313259112959335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226298480952255,0.0,0.0,0.1963272683935035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984648721549138,0.0,0.1926108202245316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678747765701046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190466609415104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512788147893826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977608404772955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750022172993262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741615640951718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6182198169924478,0.0,0.0,0.12866320238887036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925182672484948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030029145966892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324423808282573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094644839652317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoopyBullet,2019/02/18,"Anyone else have fantasies of killing yourself in the 3rd person? I feel a lot of happiness in thinking of killing myself in the 3rd person, almost as a time traveler. My target bring me at various ages. Then, teleporting out of that scenario, and then reality would ensure and I’d cease to exist.

Hope this doesn’t break any community guidelines. Of course, I don’t have ANY homicidal tendencies - I don’t see a point in that. Though, I get joy in thinking about this weird self harm fantasy...probably because I have quite a bit of guilt thinking about suicide, so putting myself in a scenario where it’s not my fault is a nice fantasy that alleviated myself of that guilt.

Maybe this is in line with the thought of being diagnosed with cancer or being in a freak accident. Just curious if people have the same thought.",5.688270944741533,7.243917078431372,6.107748068924543,76.04668449197862,67.75816993464053,9.485204991087343,33.51693404634581,9.800150414767053,3.4543254901960783,655,30,114,15,11,211,95,153,0.196,0.6859999999999999,0.118,-0.9387,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,2,2,11,0,12,2,0,0,0,20,22,9,3,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,6,3,0,3,4,8,0,0,2,2,11,4,24,17,4,20,0,0,1,0,3,12,0,5,4,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055395831305087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23165106572315405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909385551804745,0.17451612004727893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382736674496323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859486865921686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287433769492827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422830752993238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612046527366203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898677781024353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813120824146308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916924636195027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768744980657047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480258909750218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111242363847473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808057578835275,0.2974390820155778,0.0,0.0,0.16101036087413031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122173574885727,0.0,0.18115955767500252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572544041870052,0.0,0.17768411520115204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630580148193468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274084508364906,0.1673415581935369,0.2704349954380959,0.09931675579290217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099262696178086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,very_uncomfortable,2019/02/18,"I'm still a coward I tried short drop suspension and pussied out.. again.
I can't even tell anyone because I'll get hospitalized straight away. I wish I had the courage to at least do this one thing ",3.841166666666666,5.205561450000005,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,72.0,7.333333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.4060833333333331,158,6,35,2,3,48,35,40,0.128,0.677,0.195,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,4,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734587488951131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36744129414027865,0.0,0.0,0.2384044221899352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25831081031013203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432803037860348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650122476797803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31232443965070644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418293074789895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982236925879193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26552397948517964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497334222049353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OmniConProd,2019/02/18,"This is it I think to describe it in a sentence would be that I'm a man with a $100 appetite and a budget of $10. It's not that I hate the world, it's more that I'm sick and tired of my place in it. Goodbye folks.",-0.3195283018867912,0.04950907547170047,2.4907075471698157,100.80511792452832,80.88679245283019,5.300000000000002,20.797169811320764,3.1291,-0.6422415094339621,163,4,48,0,4,58,35,53,0.135,0.775,0.09,-0.4881,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759743910718366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036923670256896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089105060606364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541035547228828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424703320474329,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Koifishthrowaway,2019/02/18,"I'm scared, I hate these thoughts. I've really tried bettering myself, being hopeful for the future and being the best me I can be, but I suck at this all. I moved to a new city, being supported by family members at the moment, and almost 4 months unemployed. I have no friends or support in this town, only my two grandparents that I can barely hold a conversation with due to language barriers. I lie in bed every night now and the thoughts are getting louder and louder. I want things to get better but I don't know what else to do.",4.848126684636121,5.598312141509434,6.011940700808626,78.93103773584906,69.09433962264151,9.076010781671158,28.350404312668466,9.23628265651192,2.362357412398922,421,14,80,8,7,141,76,106,0.098,0.7170000000000001,0.185,0.8674,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,1,10,2,1,6,0,10,0,0,0,1,17,22,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,12,7,11,16,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,3,7,57,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929644425670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223014438134027,0.34086068292217403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097881622580196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236077715084707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166344911380208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888203257449378,0.0,0.2013589616545144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025453788725288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913977819488924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590465209586698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381387462507146,0.20481303003479345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611397421535994,0.0,0.18083892132542398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655948512911568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345061952115875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929295442273791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43735466913334187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802345912018512,0.0,0.0,0.3059696688455097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083283948962562,0.0,0.1882430486369531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366135407982048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doctorsalinger,2019/02/18,"It gets better... then it always gets worse? Every time I get happy something shitty happens and I know it’s how I use my coping skills. I use them very well and on the outside I do every single thing right and appear fine. 
But like... what’s the point? More bad days than good. It’s like it never goes away. Ever. Even if it looks like it does on the outside. 

Please I need a cure for the way I am it’s fucking killing me. Just fix my brain I don’t want to think this shit anymore. 

Sorry for the rant I just needed somewhere to speak. ",-1.1565601503759415,0.8093771785714309,0.6160902255639122,101.14469924812029,103.10714285714286,2.357894736842105,13.037593984962404,3.1291,-1.6490428571428568,412,8,92,0,19,132,76,112,0.188,0.657,0.155,-0.7966,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,6,12,3,0,6,0,3,3,2,3,2,18,17,7,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,2,13,8,8,17,2,12,0,0,1,1,2,5,2,2,8,56,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666015161089407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288113051023892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430811256053836,0.0,0.13713285193873218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525620468565675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833452379118618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592068154792764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372680997177156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847842697212608,0.14856373783712234,0.2767571792271562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518364719780749,0.2574245726902234,0.0,0.0,0.13775602880872326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523616119727964,0.17483565719051536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170631452177866,0.0,0.09026155607106423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407168965024597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379195434016829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435625363245072,0.12667137778957607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028529548262376,0.15525910840037352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402593591758693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858915429551316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643934191886594,0.0,0.18385231141274072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911321084675138,0.10523783248822484,0.0,0.0,0.09576918447924017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836998311295587,0.0,0.1355145209686811,0.0968725214743345,0.13036541344559574,0.0,0.0,0.14767074382928966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673737519989939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwable7904,2019/02/18,"Out of strategies... Dont know where to begin. Well, I've been suicidal for over two years now, and I barely know how it started, or how my life was before being this bleak. I honestly can't remember how it felt to not be beneath this ominous cloud, nor when i wasn't.  Anyway, it just got into my head and it just stuck, like the environment was just perfect, and it runs and runs like a snowball,  that i can't stop. Started pretty harmless, no real depression beneath it, just entertaining the concept. It behaves like a strange compulsion, it's a thought that just pops into my head, but gives a notice first, and I'm just compelled to engage; sometimes, when no one is around, I just say it outloud ""i should fucking die"": like an itch. 
So, i realized about a year ago i am truly depressed, and should do something, but everything I've tried has backfired. I started thinking what my SO, friends, and family would react; that quickly turnt into guilt. I've tried to stablish a routine, but got crushed at the slightest failure. I could list many more. The point is, I'm out of strategies. Now, I've been devising strategies to actually end myself. I've bought equipment, wrote letters, and started contemplating when and how to do it ""best"". I sometimes get concerned because I don't even feel sadness or despair. Just trapped, exhausted, a surge of misanthropic impotence, or just a dilemma where all options are either catastrophe or endless sequence of palliatives.
Sorry for writing so much, but this is my first time reaching out, in the (too) easy form of an anonymous post. Haven't done it with my family or a therapist because I frankly have nothing to justify this dread. Sure, I don't have it ""easy"", but i got more than plenty: people who really love me (and i love them), some basic and stable coverage of decent livelyhood, and a decent brain that has been educated, nurtured and prepared for a good future. I just can't think I deserve more than what I've got. Or maybe its just my pride. I'm willing to sacrifice it, though. This is my last strategy, I suppose. Anything you can write would be appreciated. Many thanks.",6.105253189022032,7.085830170854276,6.301105527638192,77.15146115191344,66.38693467336682,9.037649787398532,35.65945110166216,9.162432508145574,3.3020340935446466,1680,81,296,29,26,537,211,398,0.127,0.688,0.185,0.9766,0,1,1,0,0,0,78.0,0,1,1,5,33,27,1,2,18,0,36,9,4,6,3,75,64,36,2,5,24,0,2,4,1,5,3,1,0,0,26,21,0,1,9,1,1,2,12,8,1,4,16,3,31,19,33,39,9,39,1,4,0,3,12,15,1,8,25,216,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.09925274774627232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015837890518913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369736475718724,0.09054205855291304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400101941901125,0.0,0.08654637549850461,0.0,0.10673671343013384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354023536389204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120589846054471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520262876825465,0.0,0.10555728380522457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040830275816122,0.11920151248733153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008347277056318,0.0,0.0,0.06717745315120137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140897102748373,0.0,0.19176329590336505,0.0,0.0514268338953694,0.0,0.09765603462920397,0.0,0.0,0.1730262627027045,0.0,0.0,0.07857967413519719,0.09402779674867293,0.053138452361927685,0.09756798565341043,0.0,0.0853081984123113,0.32538206358808514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087643666333167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179257707850987,0.08290593834669235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718396659652281,0.19875838897321907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835916426914488,0.0,0.0,0.20623275122125406,0.10217977991557747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476739250724024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759197349936594,0.11579571197149685,0.0,0.0,0.06892025862807925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705118131682265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614733336374237,0.0,0.0974085529713816,0.10347402948060412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576645044908535,0.0651570191917354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521581466266048,0.0,0.0,0.08088261903636748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783001118775983,0.20118445903854293,0.11385425085342585,0.28795897684979244,0.0,0.0,0.08503279455718663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125250515205108,0.0,0.09585898357321858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936394495394936,0.0,0.11809131651177207,0.0,0.1303412993539861,0.09992800770020008,0.08074512571254805,0.05930699848123756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381066837347656,0.0,0.09935434897227484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914480855990305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450148892149178,0.0,0.0,0.1309937775803976
suicidewatch,endthemisery6,2019/02/18,"I feel like shit I want to die. Too much is wrong with me I feel like I’m cursed. All throughout primary and intermediate I was bullied really badly and changed schools 3 times. Now I’m in the second year of high school and one of the girls who bullied me came this year, made 1000 friends in one week, looking great and when she saw me (all changed) she was like “who tf do u think u are you were the girl me and everyone was bullying in our old school lmao” and looked at me very angrily, and laughed hysterically and embarrassed me in front of fucking 20+ people in break time I feel like dying this brings back old painful memories. I told my sister in law and she bursted out laughing too. I told the conciller and she was smirking and telling me that I’m probably lying and it’s that’s no big deal.
Sorry for any misspellings I’m in such a bad mood.",1.9591987829614617,4.118251545977014,2.9822244759972967,91.91169371196756,79.51724137931033,6.392968221771468,25.17782285327924,7.5105763829236425,1.1238699121027724,675,26,147,10,17,215,108,174,0.219,0.6409999999999999,0.14,-0.9526,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,1,0,0,6,16,2,1,5,0,8,3,1,1,2,24,26,13,2,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,7,15,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,7,0,3,10,6,21,8,15,16,3,25,0,0,3,1,16,11,2,0,14,81,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349846901806976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441460442243127,0.20504181854390896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043410091205685,0.0,0.0,0.2597819252009768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265866386931689,0.0,0.0,0.2548642891122901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173269736495365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18625237865476066,0.26315433074171257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486390737420243,0.11351337734004532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135371639377351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297298062897665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994751325846586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621808408433867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618277384755896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026159850465096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576858207896353,0.0,0.16640550123563527,0.0,0.13065261447935547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851241263951943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238372416415747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786596470577029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727969727904006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603773018217326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374485097575735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732009132801164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867610221745228,0.0,0.0,0.14319462819065215,0.0,0.0,0.234653947299073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131104044616264,0.07242217196396424,0.0,0.09849126159855016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342468596191533,0.0,0.15813989711389798
suicidewatch,Sydnel,2019/02/18,"Sharing my experience with benzo overdose It was really a while ago, about 6 years have passed after that, yes 6 years and to be honest i have not fully recovered yet. Of course i feel some major improvements overall, but lets be real, you are dealing with central nerval system and brain level damage here, it's not scar on your scin it's like your PC's processor get's damaged, you can't d really much about that.

I don't want to demotivate anyone, just being real. 

So my story goes like this: 

I was pretty much edgy fat kid and one day i decided that it was time for me to go out, i took about 40+ pills at least of benzos, i remember someone called me and then i was getting to the room i just passed out. 

Next thing i remember is waking up in Hospital with breathing machine and catheter in my hand, turned out that i woke up only after 1 week after being transported to Hospital, funny thing was that for that day my vision was so blurred that i was not able to see my doctors and nurses face clearly, i felt like i was literally dead but somehow still alive, 

i could not breathe properly and omg my head, i had burning sensation, tension, pain and it felt like it will explode in any moment, i had severe pain in my back (which lately i found out was because they did my back brain test)

and i literally had taste of iron in my mouth, my stomach felt so heavy as if i have eaten rocks and i remember i noticed that my left hand was trembling like crazy. I passed out again like in 3 hours. 

Next time i opened my eyes which was 3 days after i was in a same condition, except my vision got somewhat better, it was morning then i woke up and i clearly remember seeing the sun and turning my head down faces of my family members. 

Long story short i spent about month and a half in hospital and to be honest it was one of the worst periods of my life. 

I was not able to dress myself, i was not able to walk properly, i was not able to go to bathroom on my own and eating or drinking was really hard task for me.

To be honest i was not like that for only month and a half, i needed about good six months to say that i somewhat recovered because after 3 months i passed out again, docs sayed that it happened because i was not fully detoxed and well i had to go through recovery again.

This time it was not that hard though, guess because the amount that affected me was not that much.

I really felt useless doing that period and in fact you really are useless because you just are not able to do just basic things as dressing yourself or walking on your own not to say anything about thinking clearly or doing any ""brain tasks"" to say so.

After six-seven months of laying in my bed one day i somehow managed to get myself up on my own, to put on pants on my own and you can't even imagine how happy i was than i was able to walk to my closet without calling my family members to help and putting my pants on was pure joy, i literally cried from happines than i did it. 

Believe me, you may feel edgy and depressed for some period of time, but than you just can't even help yourself doing basic staff you start to hate yourself and actually being able to be somewhat normal human being again is really rewarding. 

From that time my recovery went somewhat faster, i managed to attend my University classes, my brain was still foggy but i was doing my best and was forcing myself to study. I was laughing at myself than i was having trouble with simple math equations, but i understood that it was all because of me being edgy idiot so there was no one else to blame. 

I tried working out, but i slept whole day after my first workout, i tried several times but my sleep pattern was not changing so i gave up, because sleeping for that much period of time was not an option for me. 

I decided that i would just stic to the strict diet and i did that, after 3 months i tried to work out again and MAGIC i slept normally after that, so i continued to workout till today and believe me, i know how it sounds but getting oxygen in your brain while jogging, or running outside will help you so much after benzo damage that you can't even imagine, and also if you was fatty like me you will lose some weight too . 

I started lifting some weights after 2 months and felt good too. 

Overall i started to feel somewhat better and i continue like that till today. 

Of course a lot has changed, 6 years is not a short time, my mental abilities got lot better, i have no problems with basic tasks and so on, but, there is still but.

I feel improvements but i still have severe headaches, burning sensations in my head, tension headaches, somewhat breathing problems, random muscle trembles, feeling like i am never really fully awake and list stil goes on. 

I don't want to demotivate anyone, I really feel much better now than i felt after waking up in Hospital, I managed to get my Bachelor's degree, I have full time job, (even girlfriend - sounds crazy right?) and to say so :""Normal Life""

I just wanted to share my experience and tell that in my case not everything went away, and to be honest i understand that it never will and because of that i just coped with all this and started to live my life ignoring all that ""bad stuff"" as much as i can. 

Hope everyone who had same experience will be able to fully recover from it, it is just my experience. 

Peace.  ",5.5035782770987325,5.899938251189344,6.176133206470031,79.58193676352192,67.53472882968602,8.827349776769378,30.441352558003373,8.708456373136737,2.3382384864231867,4206,150,798,62,65,1377,369,1051,0.106,0.748,0.146,0.9931,1,0,1,0,0,0,97.0,0,16,1,10,54,50,2,4,12,1,93,40,25,3,10,170,146,77,1,14,45,0,18,10,1,7,9,7,3,2,53,51,8,1,25,5,1,19,28,21,1,8,63,29,141,29,139,62,35,148,0,7,3,0,36,49,0,26,89,605,194,12,0.3263854981094151,0.0,0.03981314556008282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036165131387490536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03262629561478333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548833273750841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705408227973158,0.0,0.03357343188716297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038331239928424084,0.06274257536791909,0.03406478222374973,0.19896157024683148,0.0,0.0,0.09193117214619204,0.042815180485100135,0.14433072482080428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22772134878444564,0.08331902141401525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631814495678253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03257403275133405,0.0,0.044814892973862944,0.13155727817625154,0.04206113962645976,0.035139418908035486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175867343159022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996669148629441,0.0,0.04174673084935765,0.034081650349755827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778727164316212,0.0,0.0,0.03898441629834845,0.036666780030291744,0.15963382280892102,0.07692180001302426,0.0,0.1237727359732934,0.02914623313303404,0.23503594669956185,0.0,0.0,0.03470291724471994,0.0,0.04473310652422232,0.0,0.0,0.10657684481094937,0.0,0.06955965004962605,0.0684391676397762,0.06526007468019493,0.0,0.044943802899242775,0.0,0.03607770225918691,0.04343042898139359,0.0730943244151985,0.04027976344808298,0.12561213122952905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203849480189322,0.0,0.0,0.040521805508564886,0.04017799628572837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048590559563176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022421616755343942,0.0,0.04602213227738197,0.0,0.04432734983586978,0.04171891063886599,0.08645089863022279,0.199319335009935,0.0,0.03602554681126713,0.036105111884272185,0.0,0.04564273577591395,0.0,0.06937031970919016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111497692573279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227953066855193,0.0,0.20993953356876,0.03025133890406268,0.06293215429242434,0.0,0.08677867000052715,0.0,0.11992068372914624,0.0,0.046449006608260617,0.0,0.0,0.11058363022101132,0.062057719701508834,0.08682429546926172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041506423660238816,0.0,0.07807671059159238,0.0,0.08202689346985988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287453793190636,0.2090909076672166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848655721538069,0.034841429005672095,0.0,0.1622217801570418,0.0,0.0,0.06502174618007785,0.0,0.0,0.13827101659694066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081655302453192,0.0,0.034568171673391615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550866772939175,0.0,0.13032594019975718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046704163536126136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565941392134859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131350830994108,0.026141831039964702,0.04008401184285161,0.0,0.2141077597540288,0.0,0.07734382223828343,0.0,0.04532828720993495,0.08309787326606863,0.08875342449697718,0.0,0.04247235176683961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219148367809915,0.0,0.0327258449142022,0.09936240198303403,0.036682470015363934,0.07564065666595203,0.0,0.04554971909263217,0.0,0.03932799663547689,0.0,0.05940313246404386,0.0,0.0,0.02898186167493845,0.0,0.0,0.07881808493008732
suicidewatch,missymerc,2019/02/18,"I tried really hard I guess I have to keep trying.
I just don't want to.
I want to be around until my mum goes because she deserves support and love. I've heard horror stories about the way old people are treated and I can't have that happen.
I don't want to be here though. 
Every day at work I have that sinking feeling that this is all there is. 
How will I make another 5-10 maybe 20 years of being suicidal and no relief in sight. 
I'm trying. but I feel so close to the edge.
I moved to close to my mum and have support where I am. 
I feel so isolated and helpless
I cant tell mum, she's already stressed and sick with MS.
I'm so alone
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suicidewatch,axelfasching,2019/02/18,"Hey hows it going? 20yo guy from germany, looking for someone to chat with and get distraction. If you're looking for the same text me",1.7355555555555533,4.21335218518519,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,82.7037037037037,5.0814814814814815,27.51851851851852,6.42735559955562,1.2049851851851852,107,5,21,1,3,34,25,27,0.098,0.902,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310094793540185,0.0,0.2512887699405318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43780626527523214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7426032778690537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746393203258968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HavingABigProblem,2019/02/18,"Back Pain My life wasn’t going very well before I threw my back out earlier last month. 

I am very bright and have always wanted a career in the arts, but I have no skills in organisation or time management, so I’ve always had trouble living up to my potential. I managed to get through high school and 2 years of a uni degree before I had a nervous breakdown, bailed on my entire life, and spent 3 years hiding in my bedroom.

Now I just need to find some kind of work so I can leave home and let my parents get on with their life. I’m not really planning on finding a career that would fulfil me personally, just something where I can earn enough money and not have too many panic attacks. 

Anyway, my plans there have been completey halted by a severe back injury which has left me essentially bed ridden for 6 weeks. Upon visiting the doctor it was discovered that I have dangerously high blood pressure, so she then proceeded to ignore my back issues entirely and focus on that, “oh and by the way stop taking anti-inflammatories.”

For weeks I was left to deal with the worst pain of my life, fully unmediated, then my doctor unexpectedly fucked off to some other practice in the middle of treating me.

I’ve started seeing a new doctor at that same practice, brought him up to speed on what’s been going on, and unlike the previous doctor, he actually decided to look at my back. He prescribed me some decent medication, oxycodone and Valium, and it has finally provided me with some relief, but I’m still pretty much confined to the house. I can’t go out and see my friends, or go to work, or even sit down to dinner with my family. 

I’m told that with time and some PT the issue will resolve itself, but I’ve had back issues in the past and they have never lasted as long or been as severe as this. I can’t help but doubt that I will ever get better, and even if I do, I’m only 24. This is going to keep happening to me, and it’s going to be worse every time. It’s going to be a life of agony, and I have nothing else in my life that’s meaningful enough to make me feel like that life would be worth enduring.

I’m running out of the drugs the doctor gave me. These medications are pretty serious and I don’t feel sure he’ll want to give me any more of them, but I know I have enough left right now to finish myself, and the impulse to do it is starting to creep up on me.

I’ve been doing my best to put on a brave face. Doing my best to laugh off all this misery, but the truth is, my life fell apart a long time ago, and now my body is falling apart too, and I don’t know if I have the strength to put myself back together. I just want to stop hurting.",7.555833333333336,5.532172546296297,8.086592592592591,75.55766666666669,64.27777777777777,10.788148148148153,31.970370370370368,9.281916038205594,2.5531681481481487,2085,56,424,29,25,698,256,540,0.149,0.728,0.123,-0.9445,2,0,2,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,3,11,26,30,3,4,23,0,45,23,3,1,5,79,85,40,0,8,17,1,2,1,1,5,18,0,3,1,21,28,1,6,9,1,3,16,9,14,1,0,15,6,56,16,70,61,15,93,0,1,4,1,17,36,1,12,40,294,77,13,0.0,0.0,0.06095735766241914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537193351298355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395266894186056,0.0,0.0,0.04247871019971456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710635711826452,0.0,0.3362250190849909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630714988636704,0.0,0.13110746380351307,0.05524569517686497,0.0,0.06938513466839151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439923035043214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31968064267066537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244019654934976,0.0,0.052181944452500996,0.0,0.0,0.1936308071332295,0.0,0.08251580196160332,0.05650365843336527,0.052629912762350406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058886953159162085,0.0,0.06316890924208371,0.04462539527105155,0.0,0.0684279473331444,0.11418474639682255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04826072234796605,0.057748386485686726,0.09790700166409556,0.059922639251063885,0.2485042469523193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523807198134256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04186933569615958,0.13199654821109413,0.06265803117234861,0.0,0.0,0.0720768480135771,0.06687065403226526,0.0,0.0,0.19559338855332173,0.0,0.05552224333160621,0.0,0.06504824893155797,0.06865885589786327,0.10183550684273326,0.0,0.06614198905072552,0.2036069805708668,0.06387524827100265,0.3529700738390368,0.03051750828102837,0.0,0.05515821749488679,0.11056007696000104,0.05245532244347667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169623395016617,0.06333025464461682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585492254308442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985939920474432,0.0,0.04591936032039468,0.04631740746430405,0.04817727642093242,0.06032960915004849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059937371696650164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750785905436958,0.13293548043623446,0.0732898539026169,0.0693605914475412,0.0,0.05963042740792565,0.0,0.05454250135895655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709982478158208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559024444912512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001702535471511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533452310660409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321846279228295,0.09955389814031557,0.0,0.0,0.14113656338836095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480890255747046,0.0,0.0,0.08842686344971404,0.0,0.0498850620673686,0.10444797929641413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588730335382388,0.0,0.04696631321465885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145696638144353,0.0,0.0,0.05968850172797361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308122718304634,0.11053138426617276,0.04958223924690309,0.10021217892614732,0.0,0.05616402354576611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095131622830888,0.0,0.06365772328662303,0.08874745680046217,0.0,0.0,0.08045152132142938
suicidewatch,Abyanceo,2019/02/18,Sociopaths aren’t accepted I guess I haven’t talked to a single human being for 1 year except my parents. I walked up to a group of classmates they just walk. I tried my best to social but not working out.,2.0992857142857133,4.2007815476190515,3.3954761904761916,89.42035714285717,78.76190476190476,5.152380952380953,22.404761904761905,5.985473137389443,0.3939333333333335,163,5,32,1,4,53,34,42,0.0,0.882,0.118,0.4854,2,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,8,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073032867709585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42755299483598336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309563475547023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956348896460926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31195254833253633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263504957209627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825527163842703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499336659356841
suicidewatch,scottmon3y,2019/02/18,"Missed Opportunity Last year around this time I was presented with the perfect opportunity to kill myself. I really wanted to take it and I almost did, but before I could do any real damage I felt better and backed out of it. I walked back home but everything started coming back and by the time I was home I felt as horribly suicidal as when I left. I realized I didn’t actually feel better about living, I just felt relieved because in that moment I was genuinely convinced I would be dead soon and would never have to deal with anything ever again. At that point I was too drained and exhausted to do anything but wallow on my floor the rest of the night.

I’ve tried to kill myself before, but for some reason I think about this particular time often. I guess I’m just regretful? Like, this was the most perfect scenario I could’ve been presented with and I made such a dumb mistake. 

Maybe I’m just being dramatic, I don’t know. I guess if I really wanted to die so badly I could find a way. I’m a pussy I guess.",3.652549504950496,5.287728549504951,5.1644430693069285,80.5226051980198,72.9108910891089,8.218316831683168,25.00123762376238,8.841846274778883,1.8646128712871293,805,25,155,16,16,271,113,202,0.26,0.612,0.128,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,6,17,18,3,0,8,0,18,1,0,2,4,50,37,15,5,9,8,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,7,12,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,12,4,27,9,22,19,3,29,0,3,0,0,1,8,1,8,19,111,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.10917726073742813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203013990559582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608120491290721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841329176798384,0.09959556948090773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25808294272843146,0.09341386013304233,0.06820008481490497,0.0,0.190400697577352,0.0,0.0,0.19789485300028328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637340670185823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679775951082517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534180339961606,0.0,0.0,0.1161122020137778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120049303254663,0.0,0.0,0.10054916654921947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056569122574301973,0.0,0.3222626656911777,0.0,0.10225490660735002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697402869303955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244464809148002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755393051420785,0.0,0.061485488378672626,0.09119589586272107,0.0,0.0,0.12155629912553638,0.0,0.0,0.054658175590648304,0.0,0.09879075019296098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586212571793606,0.0,0.0,0.11239697365814244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862875831750504,0.0,0.0,0.10499037743404263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576132875128358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734220696475418,0.14334444203710978,0.11502971385336565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918816609889165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122376901783394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411869576285423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168721444772178,0.0,0.0,0.19571172941104328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595814605675902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197765588338545,0.08880393228629083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589505287375866,0.0,0.0,0.07204607496830166
suicidewatch,solarReflection,2019/02/18,"I keep trying to reach out to loved ones Key word ‘trying’. Either I get no response, they just don’t understand, or they’re the kind of depressed where talking about mine won’t help. What can you even do?",1.1653658536585354,3.68016212195122,1.7104390243902436,97.40468292682928,86.3170731707317,4.255609756097561,17.956097560975607,5.6839178017228535,-0.47835024390243897,161,4,34,1,5,49,35,41,0.13,0.6970000000000001,0.173,0.228,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,5,7,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933234157679141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249363512343573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792829325681228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282698677395868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027049493664028,0.0,0.354640333633486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073682633605306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23077194467368894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737288422147204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624351186767188,0.0,0.0,0.3545344710608445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thecureisfound,2019/02/18,going to die I have no will to live I’m 16m my life sucks I spend my days in school and I can’t take it anymore been suicidal for a year and decided this is my final stand I really tried hard to make it but I can’t anymore,-3.0225366876310282,-1.5213973207547156,0.733081761006293,100.2955136268344,107.11320754716982,4.619706498951782,13.436058700209644,6.42735559955562,-0.6543400419287213,174,4,46,3,9,63,39,53,0.207,0.7929999999999999,0.0,-0.7839,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,5,11,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,5,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5388548423484495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752071341172359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819545257217787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976053823990337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439848842956758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433663739201292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189124819290165,0.0,0.0,0.2398929538262467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134437949636145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740412009610776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749484023301025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971670565471081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042648968567131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444868562218628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494902814256155
suicidewatch,swamp_beacon,2019/02/18,"I Feel Trapped By Fear And I Fucking Hate It. I’m a nineteen year old college student and I feel completely alone. I’ve always been the “weird kid” and never really fit in anywhere. I was able to bullshit my way through high school and get good enough grades to get into my dream 
school.

But now I feel like I am totally unprepared for anything because I have no study habits or discipline. Well, my shitty study skills are finally catching up to me, and I’ll be lucky to stay in school with my grades now. On top of this, I don’t have any friends. I can’t do this anymore. 

I’ve been depressed for two years now. I started noticing the little things like how I no longer received joy from stuff that used to make me happy. I used to really love gardening. Now I see that plants should be beautiful, but I can’t see them how i used too. I feel like I am color blind to beauty, but I know it’s there. I miss the little things like being around fun people and laughing at stupid jokes. I want to have fun, but I don’t know how to start. 

I’ve been to a therapist once, but I didn’t like her. I am unsure if I should take antidepressants. I feel like they might damage my personality or brain. 

The only thing stopping me from killing myself right now is knowing that me dying would destroy my family. My dad would be absolutely crushed, and my little brothers would be fucking  
devastated. They’re all good people, and they don’t deserve that. I don’t want to leave the world any worse off. 

I feel trapped by fear and I fucking hate it. I want to face my problems like a man, but i don’t know what to do. I have tried talking to school advisors, but it isn’t helping my schoolwork. I am going to a school therapist because I am willing to try anything at this point. 

I guess i just want someone to talk to. Someone who knows what’s it’s like. I want to take charge of my life. I’m sick and tired of being afraid. I need help before it’s too late. 
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suicidewatch,justadumbkid1,2019/02/18,"College admissions makes me want to die but I am nothing outside of school and classes and grades, so the thought of not going to a good college also makes me want to die.",5.91,5.978171764705883,5.963529411764708,82.58588235294121,66.64705882352942,7.976470588235292,37.588235294117645,7.1686216300943375,2.706223529411765,136,7,26,1,2,43,25,34,0.269,0.667,0.064,-0.8836,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,7,5,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,17,3,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335595969738876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6062225756287143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659839456191479,0.24496535861600616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899035013985011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28023863158814344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29557945239373057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186234201160094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445281076728369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ashers19,2019/02/18,"I'm just so lost and alone. I want the pain to end. My job sucks. My wife and daughter hate me. My wife thinks I cheated on her. I didn't. But her mind is made up. We've been fighting alot lately. She has some health issues that may require surgery. It's scares me. I'm hard on my daughter because I want her to turn out better than I did. She hates me for it. I'm stuck in my head. I just want it to all go away. I have no friends, only family I have that gives a shit about me is my grandmother. My 2 dogs would miss me the most. But they're dogs. What reason do I have to stay? I've never wanted anything in life other than to matter. No necessarily on a global scale, but to someone. And I fucked that up too. I don't matter. I've accepted I never will. If only my wife and daughter knew how much I really loved them. If only they knew or cared about how much pain I'm in everyday. How stressed out I am. I just need it to end. I need peace. ",-1.5116666666666667,0.4698473155339826,1.0074174757281575,100.07018770226541,97.68932038834951,3.911715210355987,14.633656957928805,5.6839178017228535,-0.9655826537216824,721,16,177,6,30,243,111,206,0.2,0.688,0.112,-0.9314,1,1,0,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,2,3,10,18,7,2,5,0,15,8,2,5,3,42,41,14,0,9,9,6,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,13,0,0,8,1,36,5,23,30,6,20,0,2,0,2,17,12,3,7,6,115,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371481411324078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897113740207028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244138170643534,0.0,0.0,0.08072256614235583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711554614559615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350119573405998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345712679823348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483466192264442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230807734554352,0.12242101037277522,0.0,0.12703021656088656,0.07525786271193391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862313772286165,0.2614764943885424,0.13590207139169105,0.14075724985812646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821304054886047,0.13140733411872954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937657004473218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093532814725131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455308115668658,0.0,0.11951505390666248,0.12529988002843198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337073842092189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468923127358928,0.19637687439225754,0.2042623600547128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021362392969113,0.28181039886591025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483223470237415,0.13615076447581265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325764458728694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592817547636815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219981912542648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114308574692366,0.0,0.0,0.1516877209604835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484998113305542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403593961245229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124211673716671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406802501936262,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imsad_always,2019/02/18,"I feel unlovable I always get mistreated. Failure after Failure. I’m tired of being treated bad. Tired of being “that girl with the mean boyfriends” 
I don’t think I’ll find someone that loves me and treats me nicely.
I wish I had a family at least.
Without people that love you, whats the point? I’m struggling to find a reason to stay.
Sorry, I just wanted to tell someone.",1.3938138138138143,3.961232135135134,2.7653153153153163,89.88133633633635,85.75675675675676,4.3699699699699694,21.735735735735737,5.82211442006289,0.3450258258258261,294,10,55,2,9,95,52,74,0.317,0.574,0.109,-0.9499,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,1,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,12,14,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,9,5,9,11,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603723232659464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657695696473015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767834781854522,0.0,0.0948191313177088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34279200299588564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797495803021072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385003267479357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042715457132766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000739819703014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772733403462564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280867453750375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177815195119861,0.0,0.0,0.20992078152651752,0.0,0.19987850518336328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960436175677229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390659662159118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015953387983334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310686982176715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060810310230028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156464440227172,0.180769041652904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cieluv,2019/02/18,"I don't even know what to say. There isn't a single good thing going on in my life right now. I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to hold a job. I don't want to go through the terrible healthcare system to get help for all my mental and physical problems. I never asked to be born this way or to live this life. If I had been able to see the way my life would play out before being born, I would have chosen not to be born. I will never get what I want out of life, nor will I ever be able to figure out what I even want in the first place. 

I was born to a single mother with bipolar disorder. She killed herself on Christmas eve when I was 7, so I was adopted by my biological father's parents. Our relationship was rocky in my tween and teen years since my bipolar symptoms started to show up. I tried therapy and medication but neither helped. I was also homeschooled as my dad had a job where we were forced to move often. Because of this, I was very stunted in social growth and didn't have any friends until I entered public high school in sophomore year. When I was 16 I discovered that I'm transgender and need to transition to male. When I was 17 I moved into a girlfriend's house for a few months since I couldn't handle my home situation anymore. At that point I never wanted to talk to my parents again. The relationship with my girlfriend turned out to be even worse than my parents, so I moved back in with them for a couple weeks before going to the next town over to live with some friends from high school after I graduated. Due to my mental illness, this arrangement fell through and I ended up alone, with no friends, paying full rent. I eventually abandoned the apartment and moved a couple states over to live with my biological father, who I hadn't had contact with since I was a toddler. It turned out that he was even crazier than me, so I quickly moved out, once again to a new state. I lived illegally on a college campus with a boyfriend until that relationship also spectacularly failed due to my mental health. During the time I lived on that campus I managed to start hormone treatments, a very important step in my physical transition. Now I pass as male consistently, and it's helped a lot. Anyway, I renovated my car to be comfortable to live in, and that worked for a bit over a year until gas got too expensive. I moved once again across the country to live with a friend and his family, now entirely confident that this arrangement will also fall through due to my mental health. I already feel unwelcome here, and I'm already making the same mistakes as always despite actually trying hard to do better. I don't want to disappoint or disrespect these people, and I don't want to live in my car again. I want to get the nessecary surgeries to transition, starting with a mastectomy, but it's unlikely that insurance will cover it and even if it does the copay is a couple thousand dollars. On top of that, the clinic that's supposed to be helping me is being extremely unhelpful and the only other clinic in the area has a 6 month waiting list for a single appointment. Besides that, I'm sure I won'y be satisfied and happy after this surgery. If I live, it'll help me in the long run, but I have so many problems stacked up all the time I don't see a point anymore. It feels like everything has stacked up against me, that the universe itself doesn't even want me to be happy. I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate myself, and I don't want to be here anymore.",7.322325821790365,6.271023018813317,7.6153582799255775,75.62841678726487,64.10853835021706,10.38628902212115,34.79350837295844,9.461161749540981,3.0504340789745714,2770,104,535,43,35,908,291,691,0.126,0.7879999999999999,0.086,-0.9601,7,1,0,0,0,1,62.0,2,0,1,5,33,24,4,0,39,0,54,14,0,1,7,79,91,41,1,20,9,7,3,1,6,7,14,1,2,2,34,34,0,3,4,2,4,18,20,12,0,2,18,6,81,12,102,54,12,112,0,3,2,0,37,44,0,8,46,385,115,15,0.09976694789922204,0.0,0.0486790747971942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051664234943189405,0.1100953078691096,0.11967538828530358,0.04150704640785748,0.0,0.0,0.033922472862944926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788400827484048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663431436888492,0.0,0.0,0.03835731234416402,0.0,0.03040850271801712,0.0,0.08489432447931379,0.0,0.0,0.044117878970918525,0.05445983384649379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655853453792189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717078284776224,0.0,0.04365336421210347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418195171986005,0.0,0.0,0.19768538448882345,0.045122458070203424,0.0,0.0,0.044832049880942026,0.0,0.047025699724202265,0.0,0.05044516651922295,0.0356367637567915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042430857458554655,0.0,0.0,0.15415939292864864,0.0,0.078186168822633,0.0,0.08504978343201668,0.041839891243542426,0.039896371059572715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620377119757984,0.044685794546026635,0.14774880935319207,0.0,0.1060476003040638,0.0,0.0,0.16717920544961,0.1054092580410629,0.050037191621318006,0.0,0.0,0.05755883145443536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850495224606425,0.0,0.05518867307370223,0.0,0.027414652717159992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617086440098714,0.02437054566018433,0.0,0.3964321926460365,0.04414530470402488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240914570204985,0.0,0.0,0.03329760621288872,0.050574013064074684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025235199660682,0.20108323609168213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963302598095562,0.3181094302790639,0.0,0.036987963862433235,0.11541963098568785,0.04817776998413538,0.053051640461084765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062485434717291,0.0,0.0379386297741049,0.0,0.0,0.1661690835297186,0.0,0.0,0.03458291992153733,0.0,0.052117613121126095,0.0,0.09431201329214917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546349531893414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066854795870286,0.0,0.04260021419429677,0.0,0.03966934066076946,0.0,0.10096947757715688,0.07950134060539177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379237539814375,0.05607111475499062,0.0,0.050849919717625036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592333883109817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701458385084328,0.05184802947468956,0.0,0.04009444680828765,0.0,0.0,0.057046099849242665,0.0,0.03314036354373117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058174909624578615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773520874911589,0.10851779051407594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231818045688796,0.29422565371724946,0.07919035947322217,0.04001351387761365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036315763144624175,0.0,0.05083552161905888,0.0708715773340332,0.0,0.0,0.0963699651888381
suicidewatch,thesadsummer,2019/02/18,Any suggestions? I know this is a bad place to post and maybe I will be banned but I was wondering if anyone would have any resources for me to connect with people who understand me and will be willing to help me. Most tell me the usual crap but I believe in free choice. Any forums for people to end together or anywhere to find helpers for the journey? If you know what I mean? ,1.850131578947369,4.217317171052635,2.8649999999999984,91.4425,81.23684210526315,5.905263157894738,23.97368421052632,7.1686216300943375,0.9844526315789484,299,11,61,4,8,95,53,76,0.092,0.773,0.135,0.6747,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,9,1,1,0,0,17,14,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,3,10,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,5,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44771803635434204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345052688895222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323872970081195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472546440092964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437514423195096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058114679898886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709844588981336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412173690177441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047561942094088,0.2390547068746109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042898643469941,0.0,0.2292874844388154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018063525882388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181645330665806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22846409919907734,0.0,0.0,0.2417025975053269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379934454041891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558970635067749,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zasserfrazz,2019/02/18,"Just tired and bored of living and being always depressed I can’t find work, all I get is rejections over a trade I’ve done for many years. I’m nervous, bored and worried. If I don’t find work soon I’ll lose everything and will kill my self before I see that happen. Money is running out and my life is like a train running out of track and off a cliff.

I sit home day and night, bored and uninspired to do anything. Sleep is my only escape from the madness and boredom but even that gets interrupted by anxious thoughts. My wife found work at the only place around my boring city but it’s not enough to pay for everything. I blame myself and feel the burden of guilt closing in. You can’t move if there’s no money or job to move to. It’s all easier said than done when you’re on the outside looking in.

Once again, a new week begins, another without promise or hope. A phone that never rings, except for a few misinformed job recruiters who soon vanish like the morning fog because they all suck at their jobs. Once you could go into a place and fill up an employment application but now you have to post your resume online or respond to a job board and hope and pray they’ll reply or someone sees it.

I’m a very creative person, with a hobby and talent of molding clay into sculptures and dolls. A lot of unused clay, paint and tools sits in bags. The ambition is all but surrendered to the dark cloud of depression and anxiety. Without money you can’t see doctors and if you can they seem to all be convinced you’re only there to score drugs so they prescribe shit drugs that don’t work.

The sands of life are escaping downward and I won’t be turning the glass around this time...I’m done and finished trying, this is my final plea.",4.836450113093741,5.632858968208094,5.1463206835888435,84.9600892183966,69.14450867052022,7.635888414174416,27.760241266649913,7.586124646067393,1.5019458657954263,1377,44,272,14,23,436,197,346,0.191,0.736,0.073,-0.9898,5,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,6,5,5,12,22,4,2,21,0,25,8,2,0,6,60,45,33,1,6,16,1,2,2,0,3,6,2,1,2,10,28,0,0,6,0,5,6,11,15,0,0,6,8,25,7,41,32,8,42,1,4,4,0,18,19,2,11,16,173,35,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481431940269156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428099084338164,0.06878273977988128,0.10157541927702306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399024403895085,0.16008219679446328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480976440840369,0.0,0.07650882990639374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178773503716566,0.0,0.0,0.05798605963236567,0.0,0.15488283647204906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202915115530964,0.0,0.2760348058777452,0.0,0.0,0.2085396770435169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929035441387172,0.0,0.059386292113166615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616149347902169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045462410926650126,0.0,0.0,0.09849463914612204,0.16435660911457725,0.0,0.0,0.09858430557446596,0.0,0.0,0.09395103584246524,0.0,0.05109928886362216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795092382421146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018946805288232,0.17860660110973098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568967325385753,0.0,0.09947474879747313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701557407128505,0.08785331382643292,0.0,0.07939429633410489,0.0,0.07550377085271975,0.10058897672467287,0.0,0.07644030704983655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115706113300592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911253034649464,0.0,0.0,0.06934598568360505,0.08683795604931753,0.0,0.08437669642093505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150754282193236,0.0,0.20514729506865373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850803946116901,0.18787864191713288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611122496798435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552728198438299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494562503493375,0.08185287194473946,0.093798242203453,0.0,0.09229378636434,0.0,0.0,0.08997733350423585,0.0,0.07618248461136766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138040216390644,0.052428643405617335,0.10334107697276394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061044617489393674,0.09779887203510516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418714625987179,0.0,0.0,0.0721223037227992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334468983700105,0.0,0.2618291917528565,0.09131040649370606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790063760594909
suicidewatch,Miserablenshit,2019/02/18,Regrets Things never got better in fact everything got worse I wish I had went through with it earlier when I was a teenager because now I have people that need me. I’m miserable and done with this I desperately just want my cancer to come back and take me out so I can die guilt free.,1.8372988505747119,4.150963189655172,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,80.89655172413794,6.625287356321839,23.459770114942533,7.793537801064563,1.2148873563218388,227,8,47,4,6,74,48,58,0.35200000000000004,0.546,0.102,-0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,2,13,14,4,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,6,0,9,3,6,8,0,8,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204213536678972,0.0,0.16189423882049492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348826741192905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287724328038589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756286390817487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717790967107849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386849052563563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42481490682292455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692315371649705,0.20483057514808156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184118749574938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968204230332304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764386092896288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664512880403572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461940066038802,0.0,0.0,0.3054022630586845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706472644798807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChargingBullDozer,2019/02/18,"It's hard to hold the hand of anyone who is reaching for the sky just to surrender (35F) If I had a cell phone, I would call a crisis hotline.   
I haven't reached out for help like this since I was an isolated, emo teenager on LiveJournal. I don't have family or friends to talk to. My partner refuses to understand that I am in crisis, but I don't blame him. It is a lot to deal with.   


I am a college educated 35F. ADHD, bipolar BPD (not diagnosed but only because the admitting psych told me it was a label that was hard to overcome in the future....LOL) I think I have some serious PTSD too.   
I've held jobs, been involved in community organizations, in college I was in a sorority, and I've had people who probably really liked me, at some point. I've kept things together for as long as I have with a mix of adderall and MJ (or benzos if I'm abstaining).

But I can't keep things together. I lost my job last year, due to a series of events (which included sexual harassment at work), but also precipitated by changing my medication to the only generic my insurance would cover which wrecked my functionality. Things went wrong...and I didn't have the skills to deal with it. Particularly, not without being properly medicated.

but that isn't the first time. It seems like I can only hold on for 18 months at a time. Those 18 months are usually pretty good, a struggle but a struggle that I feel I am winning until something happens that I can't handle, and I end up in a bad situation or running away. Since graduating college I've bounced from job to job, abusive relationships, homeless, or living in a slum. And the common factor is me, this isn't because of anyone else. 

This cycle sucks, but what escape do I have?  I haven't found mental health services for someone like me. there is anything decent, I couldn't afford it. If I've been committed twice as a juvenile, and twice as a young adult...but nobody cares now. Even if I came out of this...what is there to look forward to?

I tell myself that I have a lot to offer the world, if only I could get the mental health support I need. What I wouldn't do to have a good DBT therapist for a year. But I can't. I don't even have a shrink, or therapist. The closest I've come is a ""transforming darkness"" support group and Buddhist meditation, but since the triggers for PTSD I can't be alone with my thoughts without spiraling. And if I can't leave my house, I can't attend support groups.

  
And maybe I don't have that much to offer the world, because I've hurt so many people. I am selfish, and abusive in my own right. 

Since October when I lost my job, I have only left the house once a month, because otherwise my dogs wouldn't have food. And I have to be pushed to the very last scoop of food, and take benzos to leave the house. I haven't done but a single load of laundry. I force myself to shower at least once every 2-3 weeks. My hair is falling out in clumps. I am rotting.

​

And tonight my partner and I had a fight. He is miserable with someone like me. I don't blame him.   
I need to change it, but I don't have the executive function to pack my shit and leave. Without adderall, I am capable of almost nothing.   
I just can't keep going in these spirals.  
Everything I experience reminds me of some other bad memory and I get caught and because of the BPD I have such a hard time adjusting my emotions, even if I can logically talk myself through the terrible thoughts, the feelings still prick.

​

I understand why BPD has such a high rate of suicide. It isn't the depression, it isn't the embarrassment. It is knowing that no matter how hard I am trying, or how long things seem to be great/okay....I will always end up here.\\

Since 6th grade, I've felt I might die by my own hand, either suicide or doing something stupid and manic that causes injury/death.  
I'm afraid that tonight is the night. But...I'm almost more afraid that tonight won't be the night...and of the knowledge that there will be many nights like this to come.    
I have the pills tonight, just got a refill....why not now? Or sleep on it...but then it will just be tomorrow. I wish past-ChargingBullDozer wasn't such a pussy. Then I wouldn't be making this pathetic post.  


I really just wish I had a hug and a joint to get me through tonight. But since I've been trying not use poorly adapted coping mechanisms....I'm ending up with a worse one.   
I've only taken 2 benzos. I'm hoping I can calm down. I've made it through other nights...but the fact that tomorrow is just the same shame, fear and self-loathing...that there will be no more hope tomorrow than tonight...isn't kinder to give in?  


I didn't make a throwaway. I might delete this.   
I don't know why I posted here....Yes I do, because inconveniencing/putting this weight on anyone who knows me would be unfair, just like with my partner. It'd just be another tick in the ""why I'm a shitty person"" column and I'm really trying to focus on the few good things I can see through this darkness.  
Thanks for giving me a platform for my thoughts with the idea that someone might read them. I know it is pretty scattered. Anyone who reads these posts totally gets a check in the ""good deeds"" column of life.   


Even damnation is poisoned by rainbows. -Leonard Cohen

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suicidewatch,idkdjvdibdub,2019/02/18,I’m subhuman I’m a subhuman south Asian male that is worth less than filth,0.5268750000000004,2.9177179375000044,2.2800000000000007,92.965,88.375,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,1.64135,61,2,14,2,2,20,13,16,0.0,0.863,0.13699999999999998,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheFailedState,2019/02/18,"Kill me now Hey, pretty new to reddit. Im coming off a week long crystal meth binge. Smoked a gram in 6 days after being clean for 3+months. Feel like shit, if i had a gun it would make shit alot easier. Cant sleep or think straight. Lost my job. No gf. My mother babys me still for fucks sake im 26. Cant leave the house. Just play xbox and watch youtube. Whats the easiest least painful way to kill myself? Any help would be appreciated.
Cheers",-0.4305900621118006,1.8101365000000025,0.953291925465841,99.93239130434785,97.04347826086956,3.932919254658385,14.180124223602483,5.773587663045528,-1.0019093167701865,346,7,80,3,14,109,77,92,0.222,0.519,0.259,0.091,1,0,2,1,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,5,0,6,0,7,5,3,1,0,11,13,3,2,3,3,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,2,6,3,7,7,2,12,0,1,1,1,4,3,3,3,8,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902343228016316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076908494441102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287705373341715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884982189435385,0.12503834714019188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180837732248307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731599237400467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195608101512585,0.0,0.0,0.3781154362373617,0.0,0.17368593378929958,0.0,0.3872798612742177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853268735712984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550868336559582,0.0,0.0,0.15489217741157707,0.0,0.0,0.19106115386326086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683096908010147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970379036638886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690408469419055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623961366698266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806399154526226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35932259404269884,0.0,0.0,0.175152034353414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977569655132985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214935835912887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892720065079267,0.14039500535663674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486663758118884,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JxJoltz,2019/02/18,2 years I have been suicidal for 2 years I have add 3 attempts but couldn’t do it and I am even more of a coward for that. the past few months it has lessened a little but it always spikes for a few days. Every time I do anything I immediately get scolded and insulted and my siblings do whatever they want and I don’t get in trouble. I do work but nothing is good enough for my parents and they always expect better. I am on my school baseball time and have all a’s but my parents never treat me with any good respect. They have more strictness on me and barely any on my sister. I get blamed and automatically get yelled and I feel worthless. I really don’t matter to much people I guess. when you cut your wrist like me it will take forever for it to go away and it is almost impossible to hid it. I ,1.5852170658682638,3.5811690598802386,3.672241766467064,87.32476983532935,79.9580838323353,6.0911676646706585,22.413547904191613,7.1686216300943375,0.7461380239520956,631,20,133,8,16,215,94,167,0.203,0.718,0.08,-0.9715,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,3,3,2,10,2,0,5,0,18,1,1,0,2,25,27,15,1,3,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,12,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,26,6,15,24,7,16,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,10,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479899019532204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27388066421238,0.0,0.0,0.2238345101247921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543194233679615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546244748863207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455540087996864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613784001488646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005089787317254,0.0,0.10870082932599227,0.0,0.13866229324861196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321451963137919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34393645902832043,0.0,0.09353227621720243,0.2760769121405341,0.0,0.0,0.18129890751424552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040347134126463,0.1649482867244291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136291266425254,0.0,0.12098222232072887,0.0,0.12693107931156733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791501400126573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654841198245834,0.0,0.1571063180194523,0.11409620652652815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543153528922626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665595963651474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001932206931112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237405945395366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193106071573648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707112941327874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981321476955632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196296661447853
suicidewatch,A_Person_That_Dead,2019/02/19,"Anybody just been numb forever I hate this feeling of emptiness, I’ve had it for all of my life. I am incapable of becoming sad, happy, or anything in-between. The worst part is that meds don’t even work on me because they suppress my emotions, and not the opposite. Is there any tips for how I can fix or lessen this lack of feeling?",3.688208955223878,4.984040208955225,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,72.28358208955223,7.748059701492537,32.80298507462687,8.238735603445708,2.4505546268656717,262,13,53,4,5,85,54,67,0.27,0.643,0.08800000000000001,-0.9379,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,11,10,4,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,7,1,7,8,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050515873057744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481345234260932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381064892036456,0.3330175712280737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391820668841245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915854425059007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049265160727668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32098561844103235,0.0,0.29769967933267555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298043646996492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349332390811197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265289555380093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195183383921281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StellaZaFella,2019/02/19,"Should I tell this person what I’m feeling? Tomorrow I’m going to see a former classmate. She’s coming through town for this week and we’re having lunch. We’ve known each other for about three years, but aren’t that close. 

We’ve only been out together once before. She moved after college so we haven’t seen each other in a couple of years. We’ve kept in touch through sporadic conversations over Facebook messenger. 

I’m going through hell right now and I don’t have any friends or family or anyone to talk to. I have a therapist and psychiatrist, but it’s not the same as talking to an actual person. 

I don’t want to scare her or dominate the conversation, but I think I really need to talk to someone about what’s going on. 

She’s a very kind and understanding person. I’m not afraid of her not caring, I’m more afraid of her no longer speaking to me if I reveal too much. I don’t want her to be overwhelmed by my issues. 

What should I do? ",2.5909650735294143,4.517032661458334,4.05637254901961,86.0964705882353,76.55208333333334,7.01764705882353,22.75245098039216,7.928766900206844,1.1201473039215692,749,22,152,12,17,248,110,192,0.104,0.8170000000000001,0.08,-0.8132,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,5,8,1,4,7,0,13,1,0,0,0,32,32,13,0,6,10,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,9,10,1,1,5,0,0,5,9,5,0,1,3,5,19,3,27,26,5,20,1,1,2,0,19,8,1,4,7,99,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.1532654389502821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680446814732723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098182376887578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364434266589292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013056222045366,0.0,0.0,0.1352911071547948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737811078580239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805980886451536,0.0,0.07941297797564564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134221492475962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26777814583866744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639271981921854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355119066436907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669272395071454,0.11545531475949075,0.11645612700880165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726108416055285,0.0,0.11944928636637896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114095852967332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061503962229944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412622477042774,0.0,0.0,0.1572419305147584,0.0,0.1251544725920261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330742881703631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378710545453617,0.13727515498913329,0.0,0.0,0.18235583268346556,0.0,0.1006360877278034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635023695118935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958886455706292,0.18527313493643946,0.0,0.12598203219649404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022797280327113
suicidewatch,wellwhatsagoodname,2019/02/19,"I’m worthless. I’m slipping and I’m worried when I fall that’ll be it. My parents say they love me but I’m pretty sure it’s bs. My friends don’t give a shit about me. They just say to keep going and not to hurt myself. I’m dysphoric every second of every day. I tell myself it’ll get better, but will it? I hate being stuck in this fuckin prison of a body and I’m dying. The only girl I’ve ever loved doesn’t give a shit about me. The only boy who’s ever loved me thinks I’m a girl. I’m fucking not. I broke down today because he wrote me a letter for Valentines Day about how much he loves me and I realized the longer I drag him along, the worse it’ll be when I tell him. I can’t bring myself to tell him. I try and talk to people and they don’t give a shit. I text my friends and they don’t care. My parents sure as fuck don’t care. I came out to them over 2 months ago and they’ve said nothing. Never mentioned it, just deadname and misgender me. Everyday I see a name I absolutely detest and I can’t take it. I just wish I could’ve been born cis. My mom hates me. She guilt trips me. She yells at me for defending myself in arguments. Last week she held me in a hug and I felt so loved for 5 seconds. Then she says “I love you” (bs but thanks) I tell her I love her too “but do you actually?” The fuck kind of question is that?????  I told her yes and she immediately let go and said “really??” And I told her yes. She walked away. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY???? Telling her no would’ve ended with me being screamed at.  Am I supposed to just not respond? I wish I could cry but I feel so empty. I don’t think I’ve cried because of sadness in years. Last time I cried was 2 years ago. I can’t cry but I do desperately want to. I’ve cried so much in my life that I can’t anymore. I want to hurt myself. I want to cut myself. I did it once and it hurt too bad to do it ever again. I’m such a pussy. I should just kill myself or at the very least cut myself. I just need someone.",-1.1824443519866854,0.7925017437070956,1.3609011857707536,99.45732015810276,92.20366132723112,4.1850468067401705,15.72577491158727,5.6839178017228535,-0.8713712585812359,1510,34,377,11,55,513,189,437,0.211,0.588,0.201,-0.6189,2,0,0,0,0,7,56.0,0,2,5,1,22,38,12,1,15,2,30,17,4,1,6,60,82,30,2,8,16,3,2,0,2,5,1,8,0,3,16,19,0,2,6,0,0,7,15,21,0,2,12,11,84,17,36,59,3,42,0,6,1,12,62,12,7,2,23,230,100,0,0.0,0.0,0.06397758236216948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623083981094227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501839080911181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061596239761160174,0.0,0.05474027183007595,0.07993013405687524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798292689960601,0.0,0.07282292635682905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498373661265667,0.13368658065805536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468943530580684,0.0,0.3600756064300741,0.08456218649854871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804143937495462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058067135968690724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790965355835225,0.1104750831594179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033149354308834984,0.0,0.06294835297280144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013037460046708,0.18182885353058106,0.034252650831131576,0.18867479177531815,0.0745190761749393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945482439408998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105515858965272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827317705193458,0.0725329701055687,0.06827116304123106,0.0,0.10688110141691597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704004428462157,0.04630731390843276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41419632179490495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678365512537644,0.052329758727655835,0.0,0.096389009286975,0.048612273636600985,0.050564292620338736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290705964537735,0.0,0.0,0.06981978364567124,0.0,0.09972341591095947,0.0,0.0,0.14559433420978596,0.0,0.0,0.04545138987998995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666985891449996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344275455727826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041999729543701916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472608098792964,0.20854533657025226,0.0,0.0,0.05224322347615274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018907067840055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554919158564031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357997447863656,0.0,0.0492933304061303,0.052695039575622715,0.2865137957633693,0.06035929212333735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401703130606801,0.0,0.0,0.03822884974112911,0.0,0.062143680031350935,0.12529171807360712,0.0,0.04451127013629153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054094271430031725,0.11600782927067955,0.0,0.052588671628828736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078265913229924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657986136782833,0.06681174169511223,0.04657229204658505,0.0,0.0,0.08443761391378057
suicidewatch,Badpilot2,2019/02/19,"I'm always thinking about suicide. In December my Depression was at it's worst, I had even grabbed a revolver from the families gun safe and had put the unloaded gun to my head...I then pulled the trigger to see if I'd actually be able to go through with it when I had it loaded. My suicidal thoughts are always with me,  I always feel like I am no use to this world and see no point in living in a world where everything has been done. I fear that one day I won't be able to suppress my suicidal thoughts and may go through with them one day. Should I seek help from a therapist and should I tell my dad how I've been feeling?",4.446965648854963,4.475443725190843,5.298540076335879,86.24032919847332,69.76335877862597,9.298091603053436,31.642175572519086,9.188382445141503,2.4016786259541982,492,20,111,9,8,161,80,131,0.235,0.698,0.067,-0.9779,0,0,0,3,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,6,0,16,0,0,3,0,21,27,8,3,3,1,1,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,9,5,15,2,17,12,1,16,0,1,2,0,4,8,0,2,5,74,20,0,0.2941813611138109,0.0,0.14353928613778175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36717368823626745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972264090161925,0.0,0.1266889876295771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052483500321806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715200726258863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219561922271286,0.0,0.13866400289371844,0.1655179092699108,0.14874693534003128,0.10508161157996093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167190046933106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095747391375305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985917826388176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186107668284407,0.0,0.12988376575793895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934490376418496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904823703584807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786676067826712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344244570184873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826799922372443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856373809091728,0.0,0.0,0.1707836171397807,0.0,0.09424976883949668,0.0,0.2335471403474548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270391211580539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HereticalHermit,2019/02/19,"I feel trapped I have always been a relatively lonely and quiet dude, and I spend most of my time in bed due to disabilities. Right now I'm just so done with the same tedious daily routine.

I don't have money or many friends. I haven't left my home town in nearly 4 years. I want to travel, but I can't travel alone. 

I can barely keep up with studying uni work, and that's only part-time. How the fuck is my degree going to be useful if I don't possess the basic stamina necessary for an average shift? 

I want to have deep relationships with people, but you don't meet anyone from your bedroom. My friends never visit, nor do they initiate contact. Whenever I do go out, it's only for essential shopping and even then I'm rushed by my carer. I've tried talking to him about it, he promised to do better but his words have proven empty so far. 

I feel trapped - I'm going to die miserable and alone in a town I fucking despise, doing the same things day in, day out without any excitement or companionship. 

I promised myself when I was younger that no matter how bad life gets, I will pull through and simply exist, if only for my family's sake. For the first time in my life, I don't know if I can keep that promise. ",4.48040991902834,4.992642858299597,5.574754554655873,82.59022899797573,69.80971659919028,8.118319838056681,28.392965587044536,8.07648339933343,1.771453643724696,954,32,193,12,16,317,147,247,0.14800000000000002,0.721,0.131,-0.8542,0,6,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,1,3,9,13,3,1,8,0,22,4,0,3,1,37,39,21,1,5,10,0,2,0,2,1,2,1,3,0,6,11,0,2,3,3,3,8,10,6,0,1,3,3,31,7,29,34,3,34,0,2,0,2,14,15,2,6,11,126,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983987484192794,0.0,0.0,0.11986677739741068,0.0,0.0,0.09796354728489128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072784694481224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202813903208178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740651131591724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580940540790905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495081893793698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474200968221545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951481416127198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580390725492214,0.0,0.14567886827019186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253461968334654,0.0,0.0,0.2225958148686798,0.26635633537455017,0.07526371949578799,0.0,0.2456123559881542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450069153869485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560885622188968,0.0,0.0,0.0791698364269316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651810812923467,0.0,0.2035031216585432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605095979312044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110546611537664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286850077365078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559994496801105,0.0,0.09987082972019568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466306518729026,0.0,0.12302369919877335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578737940581435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570492057497224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800132858318198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780509445693072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441880132883945,0.0,0.0,0.16993683719233174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388655909430586,0.0,0.10487504830143014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276784036119633
suicidewatch,GreenAndKeen,2019/02/19,"How can you send a delayed text to 911? I would rather my roommate not have to come home from a long day at the office to something like that.  I was thinking there has to be some delayed text system or something like that I could use.

​

​",4.0368,5.82200568,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,72.2,5.0,28.5,3.1291,0.6742000000000004,204,8,40,0,4,60,38,50,0.076,0.823,0.1,0.29600000000000004,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,0,12,10,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,6,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327157439847433,0.4852765987875233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720103562079955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159431677153194,0.0,0.0,0.1287798637734843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029964931727084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511133983489864,0.0,0.0,0.17671433517170165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30745348292633096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794964622199895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246313501529711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185000822988608,0.0,0.4852765987875233,0.0
suicidewatch,Milk-And-Bird,2019/02/19,"I don’t know what to do anymore I’m 32 years old and I recall thinking about suicide since I was 9.
I’ve always tried to tell myself it’ll get better. It’ll pass.
And it usually does and Im okay for a bit... this heaviness seems to linger longer now. Comes more more frequently.
I’m alone. I feel so absolutely alone.
I don’t know how to connect with anyone. I don’t know how to make them care about. Care that I exist. I just want someone to care that I exist. 
But here I am. 
Alone. Less than worthless garbage and I don’t think I can do this anymore. 
I can’t fathom waking up in the morning and going through the motions of another pointless day.

I want it to be quick, easy and fool proof.  I just can’t do this anymore. It hurts so much. It feels so completely pointless. ",-0.6874074074074059,1.4830744074074111,1.2865827160493843,97.38002222222224,98.1358024691358,4.0734814814814815,18.825679012345677,5.927762680638738,-0.1784575802469135,602,20,134,6,25,197,93,162,0.124,0.7509999999999999,0.126,-0.1899,0,3,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,1,12,8,0,0,3,1,15,1,1,3,1,25,34,12,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,0,8,0,0,4,6,3,0,0,1,2,17,5,16,30,5,13,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260291863272228,0.0,0.0,0.11409061624823225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437769725327257,0.0,0.0,0.4079435373677834,0.0958739559101511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126702415530505,0.14969400480267836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193934664760091,0.0,0.0,0.11811238201760155,0.14376240853969896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884277947067087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999021022427145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865886958975066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163689827031285,0.0,0.07792558166461569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678438187537948,0.0,0.14810766699315592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22606435967508104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152528886517644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079525941962186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387906698722566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482429401779725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342289738169264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617704586536287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499814924908329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984450337190798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571543745093693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930920455282786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510127377624734,0.0,0.16174789127990238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882975275103638
suicidewatch,notmethrowawayacc,2019/02/19,"A vent. Hello. First off, I don't think I've ever seriously considered suicide, but I feel like I'm heading towards it. I'm 24, male. Ive quit highschool, had only 2 jobs (currently unemployed). I don't have a sad story. I have an amazing loving family, without exception, which care for me not only financially but also emotionally. My mom is one of the most amazing loving persons you'd be lucky to meet. The fact that my life is so great makes me hate myself even more. I feel like a piece of shit, worthless. I'd hate to cause more pain to my family, but Ive been ""living"" this life for the past 9 years. Since I quit highschool I isolated myself. Don't know why I quit, or why i isolated myself. I'm tired of just watching time pass by for these 9 years, but I can't have a stable job, or commit to anything, really. Like I said, I don't think I'd kill myself, but more and more I'm getting fed up. I sometimes honestly hope that I'd have the courage to kill myself. Cause momentary pain to my family, but freeing them from the burden of me.",2.757715777899944,4.186743210280377,4.703523914238595,83.76167949422761,74.84112149532709,7.839032435404067,25.205057724024183,8.4952907291091,1.67064079164376,813,27,167,15,17,279,117,214,0.19,0.536,0.274,0.9816,5,0,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,1,1,4,5,25,5,0,10,0,17,10,2,3,3,27,36,11,3,1,12,1,2,3,0,0,5,1,0,2,6,1,1,0,5,0,1,1,7,11,0,2,4,4,29,15,20,30,6,11,0,2,1,2,10,3,1,5,10,102,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886660671556257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144639044637226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329932365799905,0.22831193140861955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500064599004335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339700154096095,0.100518906840012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142762250878958,0.0,0.11237625809270996,0.15877541647111298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452285160047036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058058215769421974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251568324907634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942582383240355,0.11404628949682988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037217942396392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054879245685366,0.0,0.2458866526592284,0.0,0.06107138308467298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698172009242564,0.16287015692130385,0.0,0.0981253936392137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200589266925652,0.0,0.07417678734835989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014823403922562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753011626883639,0.16903111022753567,0.2364896281797489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608136789082567,0.0,0.0970300466364979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545852860505847,0.0,0.0,0.07118950799245502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570530377009643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406819552053984,0.09192373216008257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990544712102747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155269229546292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424088008814946,0.0,0.0,0.06479786974239159,0.12772181787946404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200546020937793,0.0,0.0,0.10712051564727118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312168806525816
suicidewatch,bigtimbs_52,2019/02/19,"I'm scared to reach out or share my feelings because of the police. Whenever I make it apparent I want to die, or whenever i attempt suicide the police always show up and they make my life worse. With this grave fear of the police punishing me for any future suicide attempts, I'm just alone, and I eagerly  wait for my death to come.

Even typing this I'm scared of the police showing up. Just in case:

This post is not meant to be taken seriously, I am not at risk. I am happy.",2.07053837342497,4.064133144329901,3.941168384879728,86.00277205040095,78.38144329896906,6.785337915234822,24.179839633447884,7.793537801064563,1.3338485681557852,373,13,75,6,9,126,61,97,0.319,0.5760000000000001,0.105,-0.9819,1,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,10,1,4,4,0,4,1,0,2,0,17,15,4,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,1,11,3,15,12,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226603601183495,0.0,0.0,0.18205333342985752,0.0,0.0,0.14878676748519298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337420422615073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884708275995336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22707262881803866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451073705620426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462029940353847,0.11062833319923072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23290925568822385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453999208841634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920921015060985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954324889021084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380999963812413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786481405505485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290498016010702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229687961040582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rushvapor2112,2019/02/19,"My abusive brother has pushed me to the edge before, here’s how to protect yourself from someone like him. My brother was mostly fine when I was a young child. After a while he would begin hurting me sometimes “it was a joke Luke! Calm down wuss.” It may not seem like much right? Yeah. It Was. I would realize that this was nothing light, scars all around my body from his punch and pushing me against walls. I would become scared of him, even now I flinch when he comes near me. He would constantly take gifts even though they were “ours” constantly harass me for my skinny short appearance (I’m a 65lb 13 year old) and even making fun of me for having trans friends and a black girlfriend. I tried to end my life purely because of that psychopath. I had  the noose around  my neck, but I realized I just couldn’t take him up on his bullshit anymore. I spoke out against him and it saved my life, I hope it can save you too.",3.2526229508196707,4.9721097814207695,3.224830601092897,93.67167213114756,74.13661202185794,5.972896174863387,24.76830601092896,6.42735559955562,0.5897033879781421,722,23,153,5,15,218,120,183,0.073,0.779,0.14800000000000002,0.8805,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,1,1,0,15,13,1,1,7,1,16,5,3,2,2,29,26,10,0,6,3,2,0,2,2,5,2,1,0,1,8,8,1,1,3,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,8,3,32,10,20,12,3,26,0,1,1,0,18,10,0,5,14,104,40,0,0.0,0.17791326628710769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891688143857176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673457977258693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153522679193048,0.1658382639259719,0.12777382228618395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679224070814705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934825027134886,0.0,0.3245359835762966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299586001619573,0.0,0.0,0.29753481568023715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601208323773668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914126995050914,0.0,0.0,0.16074777799259365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212277600922705,0.14671971485964266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023196355929982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103837736473036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408112883573518,0.0,0.15756608449991652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282345370247169,0.0,0.0,0.15033485207643366,0.0,0.0,0.13669865721743182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722880825601762,0.0,0.14851059427888466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258010064061235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752996210128294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194776362624827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266731555006066,0.0,0.0,0.0966971497116181
suicidewatch,Golden_Frog626,2019/02/19,Only alive for my moms sake The idea of hurting my mother is really the only thing that keeps me alive most nights. She's put so much effort into giving me everything I've ever needed and done everything possible to help me through my depression. I wish I could get hit by a car or diagnosed with a terminal disease so that at least she would know there was nothing she could have done. But I'm fighting a downhill battle and I don't know how much longer I can keep going for her sake. I just wish she could understand why I'd be happier in death. ,5.0415444015444,5.481934081081087,5.902393822393822,80.98864864864865,68.54954954954955,9.586100386100386,28.46975546975547,9.606745405546679,2.418116087516088,437,14,87,9,7,144,80,111,0.128,0.7140000000000001,0.159,0.4019,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,1,23,25,7,1,7,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,3,0,16,0,10,16,4,8,0,2,0,0,10,3,0,2,2,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630632034533955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055214965894052,0.15384640570766284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102296601214549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710913099513825,0.0,0.0,0.2724533929575854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919218146635315,0.14540546970666654,0.08614410943323521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159816889403946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226519693858274,0.17111080556576222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694553501548817,0.0,0.0,0.16660436382854912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752392888704804,0.0,0.0,0.22285153789844506,0.11239165150461264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224376760895424,0.0,0.14544121876907729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056069114766425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087911681311874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523757023467211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710343937934326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070033062636864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577959168517623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677372506188268,0.0,0.3486097401002185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767521092718056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faintlyflorette,2019/02/19,"Does anyone struggle telling someone how depressed they're feeling, when they have no physical way to show it? I feel like I have to justify myself and I can't. They just have to take my word for it. And I feel like I'm just overreacting. ",1.9156249999999984,4.269100979166666,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,80.875,6.34,26.266666666666666,7.554174236665415,1.4442866666666672,189,8,39,3,5,61,33,48,0.158,0.71,0.132,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,9,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,4,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021469651800545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25894106035584785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630923631759334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560383252202842,0.4295549981972375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29375534121364033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547315609030778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142945303100202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604409961765565,0.0,0.2627728841113698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238634286160986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-PrincessAzula-,2019/02/19,"I can't shake the thought of suicide, why shouldn't I give in? I've been depressed for years, but it's been especially bad the past couple of months.  my life is falling apart, I'm extremely lonely and isolated, my body feels so heavy when I move, I have no motivation to even eat, and I feel so miserable all the damn time. I've been really trying but I can't do it. Therapy and medications haven't helped. Ican barely function without my brain screaming at me to just lay down and die. I'm so worthless, I don't see any reason to not do it. I don't have a plan yet but I'm open to suggestions.",1.848378181818184,3.5626386960000005,3.7570181818181823,88.3665090909091,78.03999999999998,7.4254545454545475,24.163636363636364,8.296473431620573,1.35772,467,16,104,9,11,158,80,125,0.295,0.653,0.052000000000000005,-0.9887,0,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,1,2,4,0,14,5,2,2,1,18,22,11,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,5,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,4,4,12,0,11,17,1,14,0,4,1,0,3,5,1,0,6,61,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196288895302128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430456665244487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318835511155769,0.0,0.23304344502581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309872287641651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798033272296563,0.0,0.2166582884622041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136119873615487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788297214851994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111090663029987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200260105398113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992637314140044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745225067028875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030215264510368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662898471467802,0.2218771702762353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928354002587934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373599386498866,0.21463843156475532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635343822926354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283478362123497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23873345468712234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573087245051207,0.12172871754151267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173326863154967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883720100202624,0.0,0.0,0.20123567401162826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443358253768786
suicidewatch,Msarkari,2019/02/19,"If I can continue to write my suicide note while I’m sober, it’s more real. I do this. I get drunk, I cry. I go through all the ways I can do it without my family finding me. I stumble around the house late at night while my kids are with their dads. I pick up knives. I start the note. I cry more. I read every love note from my ex. I examine every photo of us together. I clean my kids rooms. I pass out as a mess. The next day when I see the kids. I hug them tighter. I tell them over and over and over again that I love them. I don’t want to let go. I kiss their little faces while they’re struggling to get free to go play. I yell to them as they’re entering the school doors that I love them! I get in my car; and I cry. I open up my notes to last nights suicide note. I don’t have the right words or enough words to continue the note. I walk into work and greet everyone with a smile and declare what a great day I’m having. I throw myself into work. Throw my headphones on and listen to the lyrics poor over me on how everyone else has found that ever lasting love. These songs are reminders of what I had with my ex. He’s dating now too. I found out on Valentine’s Day when I showed up to drop our son off and there was a girl there. She’s of course prettier. Probably smarter and has so much more to offer. I’m 31 with two kids from two different dads. I wanted a family. I wanted love. And I know! I’m selfish! I have my kids. My babies. My parents and family. I’m selfish. But I’m sick. I don’t want to die sad. But what’s worse. Loving each day with overwhelming sadness, or having those final moments in despair. I’ll cry, I’ll panic. I might regret it. But then. Then I sleep. 
I’m such a fake. I’m a fake ‘good’ parent. Friend, daughter, sister, aunt. The inside of my body is dead; and I physically feel it. I can’t stop shitting from the amount of anxiety I have. I ran a red light today while day dreaming about the past. I don’t sleep because my thoughts revolve around the man who broke me. I had a dream last night he was hugging me and kissing me and when I asked what he was doing? If he loved me? He said no. He said he wanted to do this. That is was all. I’m a broken person with no answers. No explanations. This man abused me, mentally, emotionally. He tore my family away from me. Sexually assaulted me. Told me to kill myself. Treated my son like shit. He was Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde. This man called CPS on me. Lied about me. Stole from me. Am I a victim of abuse or am I so god damn stupid? Maybe it’s me. I’m the real asshole. I wish I could feel nothing at all than to ever feel this cancer. ",-0.8434634974533104,1.2862714910394288,1.3995859271835511,98.10534380305604,93.9462365591398,4.5139030371628,16.302678739860404,6.202715092499727,-0.5000523297491042,2004,50,474,22,76,668,252,558,0.214,0.655,0.132,-0.9937,4,0,0,0,2,4,84.0,2,0,7,2,18,38,7,3,25,0,34,21,6,2,5,69,78,36,5,10,9,11,3,1,1,1,3,5,3,11,21,28,1,1,10,7,2,10,9,20,0,2,14,11,91,19,61,61,10,74,0,6,2,11,59,27,3,6,36,288,112,4,0.0,0.1611808720578528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203373130389364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110122453971407,0.06358782846963801,0.0,0.06390533114024066,0.0,0.0,0.04146325899758326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555287857634747,0.0,0.0,0.0694541797198048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430699224533619,0.0,0.29885916352895825,0.21933053669698396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059214541951425,0.07106453452233663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682047216510666,0.07651131188076635,0.0,0.0702809755523492,0.0,0.0,0.12305269897185092,0.11461652203808573,0.12998859611674338,0.0,0.0,0.2564859947611815,0.0,0.1031761259650972,0.0,0.0,0.07451060548917443,0.06216739594886307,0.0,0.0,0.14915687521197374,0.052550687016591546,0.0,0.10661009514292183,0.0,0.11596891931284233,0.057050433003852936,0.0,0.07499029766695696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848386217251803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525205257909788,0.0,0.037381019923315925,0.16633171615262768,0.07672748412151273,0.0,0.0,0.06955321049267321,0.0,0.03323025326143199,0.06817209818749433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297235221501861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683334169155402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854634027410997,0.07215655371533343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000119796799631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233811967273547,0.19149139874018187,0.0,0.06526529043468661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980469389079628,0.15105230734695088,0.0,0.0649310614289127,0.0,0.05939086235283717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333511603311098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803659947049083,0.15483918892574502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808716499033958,0.12940175468931892,0.0,0.0,0.06883804241291704,0.05420169330177717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963939488510207,0.0,0.0,0.13613462941380716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814362693848743,0.0,0.0,0.056866254818423986,0.0,0.07110738342823243,0.0,0.14880172620717128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945089851426519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053998847362677516,0.0,0.0,0.06447329359836629,0.06499429805837169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288778183519068,0.0,0.08181751105700097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005944619657858,0.0539896754437116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821756489859248,0.06556711060653002,0.0,0.0990361088754474,0.0,0.06931634940116274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaymylife9324,2019/02/19,"Getting a job out of town, so people get used to me not being around. So I've been fighting the classic feelings of not being good enough coupled with an extreme dislike for professionals in this field. I just needed to get this off my chest because my family is all like ""oh wow you're becoming so successful we are so proud."" Meanwhile I'm going hoping that i won't have to come back.

My cousin says he is a goal driven person, but what kind of person am I? I'm just tired of existing without plans for the future. 'Where do you see yourself in 10 years' I'm not sure where ill be in a month let alone a year. So like goodbye hometown and expectations, hello potential release.",4.020444444444443,5.352731822222221,5.058703703703706,82.8391666666667,71.51851851851852,7.474074074074074,28.314814814814817,7.908726449838941,1.8121259259259257,536,20,103,7,10,176,98,135,0.101,0.7909999999999999,0.108,0.2624,1,1,0,0,2,0,13.0,1,1,0,5,11,10,1,0,7,0,12,3,1,1,2,20,26,7,0,3,7,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,2,3,9,9,17,19,2,17,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,1,7,66,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947121004557241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736054446667994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456098813001,0.0,0.11460352490362828,0.2076320808492288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194601729571612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801927702937592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425505198311607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723039504539556,0.0,0.09505883849434107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294667929850911,0.0,0.1068451705102006,0.1576861268888903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867271851937851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656175599815636,0.0,0.0,0.19577387242283484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224352555810856,0.0,0.18369536062866487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500604215996536,0.0,0.0,0.13940018937963955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303360629499132,0.32831004302377936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495057587177202,0.0,0.0,0.14981227376485526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771885015565535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160792299738485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237230398086042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122603420277186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421326650618457
suicidewatch,botxpiol,2019/02/19,im ready to go please,-5.085000000000001,-4.072439499999998,-1.4499999999999975,116.145,110.66666666666669,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-3.1418,17,0,6,0,1,6,6,6,0.0,0.385,0.615,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462099446860431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6580168681700438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.668694605484577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XfantomX,2019/02/19,"Anyone else feel worse when made to feel like life is mandatory? My level of suicidal came up in therapy recently, and my therapist was worried (rightfully so) so she wrote out an emergency plan for me. As she was writing it she was saying things like “and if you need it your get your ass to the hospital, do you hear me?” (In the most loving motherly way possible i promise lol). She was trying as hard as she could to get the idea of suicide being an option out of my head (as a good therapist should do), but that just made me feel worse. 

Something about ‘knowing’ i have the out of suicide helps me a little. Like “hey self, if shit hits the fan too hard just off yourself and you’ll be alright” kinda makes me feel like i can deal with the shit hitting the fan, but being made to feel like it wasn’t an option to me made me want it even more? I’m going to bring it up next week but I’m just curious if anyone else feels the same way. ",4.404218750000002,4.613801817708332,5.338541666666668,85.28562500000002,69.88541666666666,8.9,27.458333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.8218145833333328,727,22,157,12,12,239,106,192,0.158,0.6809999999999999,0.161,-0.6579,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,5,0,1,9,11,2,0,13,2,16,6,4,5,0,41,42,16,3,7,9,1,8,5,0,2,1,2,0,1,7,8,0,0,8,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,11,10,23,9,25,23,3,20,0,0,0,2,20,11,3,7,9,103,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186382760318236,0.20788246934042456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602476430410748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099467701397597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458417736886856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694866756753465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700272053817212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30775841756598155,0.21741456670151987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600047207575744,0.0,0.057652890079485423,0.08508630663579736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174756692725805,0.0,0.1041106789533779,0.0,0.11433461615649998,0.0,0.06799568887603126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145177833934292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575089891674098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716528066550813,0.24780175799861626,0.10167340973547187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155705487012128,0.38395457696708574,0.06771457210480086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521934549766596,0.0,0.0,0.10788670844120844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436272315452616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016358505417038,0.0,0.0,0.08663251217810031,0.0,0.08067223845910644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582808230144322,0.0,0.2082613530878647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809644855743549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328893920001695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600990824511564,0.23556830773009416,0.06739480076777009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887372995450282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983422386684061,0.16104284711250408,0.0813721549023346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302117594521858,0.20675994377196347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilxDDDD,2019/02/19,"Hypochondriac convinced I have brain damage, this is no way to live I’ve been anxious my whole life and depressed for the last two years. Last summer I did some stupid stuff and it’s become the subject of my hypochondria, one being mixing muscle relaxers with alcohol at high doses. I can’t take my mind off it not matter what, I’m always researching and looking at other dumb stuff I did to see if that messed me up. This is not way to live, im worried about hypoxic brain damage. I know I’m a hypochondriac but I definitely did some stupid stuff in the past. 
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suicidewatch,FlameHamster,2019/02/19,"No matter how much i surround myself with nice things, the dark thoughts keep haunting me Hello.

This is my frst time writing something like this, im scared i need someone.

This has been going on inside of me for several years, maybe ever since elementary school?  I cant recall, I was never a happy child. Just crazy enough to conceal it.

I grew up in a place full of realistic approaches, and as always real life is ugly and cruel. People using other peoples kindness for their own selfish needs, devils  living longer than the angels on earth.

Wherever we went, my family was faced with this, all the hate.

High school passed with some unnecesary drama and i'm in uni. Things are better but i cant get rid of the fears, the hate, the pressure, its just better that i die right away than face this any further. I try to surround myself with possitive news, better outlook on life and improve myself through art. But i cant escape the thought of working with the devils.

I dont know what i want, i just know i cant take it. I want to stop breathing

",2.8098275862068967,5.2091040098522186,3.7143128078817753,86.51107512315274,77.86699507389162,5.636354679802957,22.95788177339901,6.742157984588678,0.7973509359605915,826,26,152,8,20,264,132,203,0.222,0.688,0.091,-0.9778,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,4,5,16,3,3,10,0,12,5,3,2,3,35,29,8,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,10,0,2,4,2,0,5,7,9,0,0,6,0,23,7,25,23,6,24,3,0,0,0,5,14,0,1,6,102,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961421629284814,0.0,0.0,0.08958443443673236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376953066839455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495271631988123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672031036463286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439264061846758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361176478366405,0.0,0.0,0.11916200516825826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418819614964048,0.1482386931988767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882619026674333,0.0,0.07486813415703268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402345403329384,0.0,0.2601224185135903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391854421132024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229659176434206,0.0,0.0,0.11709227385048993,0.0,0.13718190981402628,0.14479641085534933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860968958879444,0.06435915089984519,0.0,0.11632457048686268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234568681044614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684050915525982,0.1953599218411884,0.10160228595877548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265716269322532,0.0,0.1376352164688025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994346637808664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125011172062421,0.0,0.0,0.131889888683998,0.26664605439194017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882324757562085,0.0,0.10897269569574276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161878384496272,0.10141617150024526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013650260727156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990484547937596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503798954090302,0.0,0.0,0.2091660234119148,0.07681583825244542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943953454926233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377689211198325,0.0,0.0,0.15540163532022305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211982435835275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590477426553548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483313174140814
suicidewatch,stilnewtwo,2019/02/19,"I want the pain to end... I looked in my counselors eyes and promised I wouldn’t go home and kill myself, but here I am trying to decide how many pills I need to take. I’ve been feeling so suicidal to the point I can’t even breathe. There’s so much emotional pain that I feel as though there’s nothing I can do. This feels like the only option. This pain will never stop. I’ll never be able to smile again. I probably won’t have the balls to do it. I’ll sob until I tire myself out. And I’ll just continue this meaningless life waiting until I’m in a fatal car accident or I’m diagnosed with some terminal illness. Here’s to hating myself the rest of my hopefully short stupid life. ",1.519527162977866,3.6007295845070426,3.1572635814889334,90.49211267605637,80.61971830985915,6.592354124748491,21.410462776659962,7.7094869923839395,0.8604631790744461,539,16,115,9,14,178,93,142,0.299,0.586,0.115,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,3,0,6,0,11,11,2,1,2,23,24,12,3,4,3,0,3,1,0,3,9,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,4,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,1,5,15,3,15,19,3,15,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,4,9,73,20,0,0.16099693289965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634084979343309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109987991736154,0.14259549612769806,0.0,0.0,0.10633695578198198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442146600719156,0.11501624103221825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149826714264572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895113994043533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614930505858861,0.1599062811362549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811925257336342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274337899039627,0.07865496914557109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519687552202767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632256204924225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835127022576487,0.11937718576036102,0.24834151959659245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448089922850616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244542226983088,0.5139362631989765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219414039772824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358192378166226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460064486955328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610451373262292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104965722502088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817866914782994,0.0,0.0,0.18504229076256495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930634932263206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496016231091108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ok_Natural,2019/02/19,"I got 5/40 on my history mock very very insignificant in the grand scheme of things, especially compared to what other people have been through, but school was always kind of the last pillar for me. I always told myself no matter how bad I felt mentally at least I was still doing well in school, I was preserving a good future for myself, if that makes sense.

In year 12 though, A levels, I haven't taken in a single thing. I can't focus on what the teachers are saying to the point where in the exam I didn't even know what the question meant, let alone how to answer it. It was a source question on the Opera Nazionale Balilla in fascist Italy, I took a wild guess at what that was and said it was an opera. Turns out it was the Italian version of hitler youth lol.

I'm going to fail my AS levels and have to retake the year, but what if by next year I haven't sorted out my attention issues and fail again, then what? I've tried so hard but there's not enough time left before the real exams to learn the content for my 3 subjects. And I don't think I could deal with the shame of going into the real exams and coming out with all U's. The last thing I had going for me is gone and now I really don't know what to cling onto. I know school problems are really nothing compared to other people and I'm really really sorry if this comes off as insensitive to that.",6.686678571428572,5.3362588821428565,7.0864285714285735,79.87857142857143,65.53571428571428,9.571428571428571,27.857142857142854,8.192908349453996,1.6672857142857138,1077,22,221,11,14,353,151,280,0.147,0.8059999999999999,0.047,-0.983,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,11,10,1,1,20,1,23,0,0,3,1,44,45,20,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,20,15,0,0,11,2,0,7,8,6,1,0,18,4,23,4,40,25,5,42,0,2,0,0,6,22,0,7,13,157,43,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145117303059632,0.0,0.0,0.18399744849721192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231694303148004,0.0,0.0,0.09408245375134144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904834739421735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827695142914832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398739628600482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424293647491958,0.0,0.07302697071745094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615949320373597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850947611354368,0.0927364616427549,0.0884287261387711,0.0,0.1217995308061813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904429358508933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540086721859605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513616681946,0.1822904755193458,0.18025004664346733,0.0,0.0,0.12012891797327994,0.11305994183337105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380282523639921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142325694796948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758685968056708,0.0,0.0,0.10608985391207837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533033443194284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451942085853608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057955280093374,0.0,0.0,0.2477156346459385,0.0,0.0,0.2516937689787188,0.2833224249714596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517239071122174,0.08792552225260886,0.0,0.33569227139906266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376817895159738,0.0,0.0,0.08829714746097014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036290926601165,0.07084542361091152,0.108629299710884,0.0,0.06447119142312688,0.0,0.0,0.10564935113605367,0.12284149890019487,0.07506620358383308,0.1202626921158444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824549863193008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941098323832356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213600210579602
suicidewatch,jjdkskslldlvmf,2019/02/19,"How reliable is death by cop suicide? For those that dont know its basically when you break the law on puropse and resist arrest so a cop shoots you 

Alot of cops are tigger happy assholes so im sure it wont be a problem getting one to pop me but what im worried about is that the cop will probably shoot low and cause me pain compared to me shooting myself in the head which i dont have the guts to do

Anyways how reliable are suicide by cop deaths?

",5.8192631578947385,4.799725031578949,6.47684210526316,82.46789473684213,67.10526315789474,9.284210526315787,33.736842105263165,8.238735603445708,2.3774842105263154,358,14,77,4,5,118,67,95,0.254,0.693,0.053,-0.971,0,0,0,3,0,2,2.0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,11,3,2,3,1,11,13,8,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,7,2,10,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816593305658346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749824795141629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587044297401878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571283907719035,0.0,0.0,0.20796593606191655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377694928456147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136502034248956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731333876909307,0.0,0.215622038692908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184789688884919,0.19389802613665208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433080558008812,0.0,0.19098473144857847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578960299779744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohgodhurry,2019/02/19,"It's hard to live i'm 16, and I've been majorly suicidal for about a year now, and depressed for 3. i have issues with cutting and alcohol. anything that can get me out of my head, i usually get addicted to.

in august, i met this guy who asked me out, and we've been dating since. he's great, and he shares a lot of my issues so he understands, and i've told him i still want to kill myself, which i really regret. now when i do he'll blame himself for not saving me or whatever, like he could. i love him with my whole heart and if i was healthy i would marry him (i know i'm young but let me be ambitious) but i kinda feel like breaking up with him just so i have absolutely no reason to live. i'm gonna die young and i've always known it. he's the only person i'm living for and i just am so tired of going on every day. my home life is shit, i have abusive parents, and i don't go to school anymore. i haven't gone in like 3 months but no one knows. no one noticed. i don't know what i'm doing with my life, i don't know where i'm going, i dont have anything to look forward to. i just feel like overdosing i guess. if i had a car i'd crash it and kill myself that way. idk i dont really have a solid plan to anything anymore. i'm just tired.

i guess why i made this post is for help. i need a little motivation to live. if there's anyone who is or was in the same situation, or a similar one, how did you make it through? what happened? how the fuck did you do it?",-0.07328555045871354,1.5865934556574963,2.685220756880735,94.01159260321104,83.86238532110092,5.922362385321102,19.087251529051983,7.04035,0.11143432721712544,1128,29,276,15,32,396,159,327,0.208,0.711,0.081,-0.9935,1,0,1,0,0,2,39.0,0,2,0,3,16,15,5,0,9,0,30,11,3,6,0,56,65,26,4,8,14,1,3,4,0,3,6,0,1,2,14,17,1,0,10,0,0,6,10,7,0,3,11,4,44,8,30,48,4,30,0,2,1,2,24,10,2,10,17,172,58,3,0.0,0.11073383316181593,0.0,0.10188428971847184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987942932155956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776551578421892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537276559900548,0.065348824266184,0.0,0.2307267994935033,0.0,0.08737170731216437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461954191011715,0.0,0.0,0.06027343256755155,0.0,0.0804962456421037,0.0,0.09699586251913812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190669009374845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874338106569778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945115283472823,0.13353449856179733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864014961131496,0.09765711723480706,0.0,0.1593449991824724,0.0,0.0,0.10303906418408228,0.2059116235095418,0.09253927131837553,0.08264563483131734,0.0,0.0837210585150564,0.0,0.0959160707574871,0.0,0.0,0.11074956570664453,0.0626437112023645,0.0,0.093747167085562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950941827616978,0.0,0.0,0.20679744758762866,0.0,0.2054508612968042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556833274608284,0.13202595050175367,0.18263771742123525,0.0936706403260478,0.330104635264498,0.0,0.07848216398803445,0.0,0.0,0.07945564367749561,0.0843505492573176,0.08843332581792067,0.06238472128517718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745982173486429,0.0,0.0,0.0692987898803047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640388378520506,0.0,0.0,0.18999105574773453,0.07107990974687334,0.0,0.0,0.1037753474522765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160494181660599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950804976788038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974467413049525,0.09609159172791262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945856689620334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593449432680662,0.07731039069363017,0.10505202217165058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463661339501268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222916226747347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483513361198966,0.0,0.08930424144971516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729429134183977,0.0,0.0,0.102932071262852,0.0,0.05512463954539412,0.0741835384895881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843323637238392,0.104343824996232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639071245477639,0.0,0.0,0.06018464090311278
suicidewatch,frankiedavisjunior,2019/02/19,I ruined things with my soulmate. How can I live now? I don't want to anymore. ,-1.9731372549019603,-0.2696734117647068,0.5023529411764721,101.55392156862746,106.64705882352942,2.266666666666667,17.43137254901961,3.1291,-1.0945921568627457,60,2,14,0,3,20,15,17,0.237,0.5489999999999999,0.214,0.1476,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6207401625214191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526950096499439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41583056319705897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691812829114545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maronelahone,2019/02/19,"Happiness post attempt Have any of you guys felt happy or euphoric after you’ve carried out your attempt and believe you’re going to die? 
",12.040384615384614,8.615960730769231,10.888461538461538,63.30653846153848,57.07692307692307,11.93846153846154,49.07692307692307,8.841846274778883,5.071430769230768,113,6,17,1,1,36,23,26,0.11,0.565,0.325,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100206382051724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479550113071173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32052540175010336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965332055209473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755199261540821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057984778591121,0.0,0.6575282378979095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29578172580358675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Transformers4ever,2019/02/19,I’m not gonna make it I’m trying my best but I know I won’t. I’ll be surprised if I make it to the end of the semester. I’ve already written the note for when the time comes. I’m really trying to keep going for my mom but the pressure of school and adult life is weighing me down big time. I’m cutting to stay alive but I know even that will fail me. I’m just ready for it to be over,-1.3346666666666671,0.3805604222222243,1.4244444444444468,100.88000000000002,89.22222222222223,4.488888888888889,16.77777777777778,5.6839178017228535,-0.8017555555555553,298,7,79,2,10,103,55,90,0.104,0.784,0.112,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,5,0,5,2,0,2,0,13,19,6,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,11,13,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,43,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756191464669261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211035077502925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151482915206088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212154551899388,0.0,0.0,0.1649657858461233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419457932733359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200039956953055,0.0,0.0,0.2745258932042421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764146509722944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333436836915852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925188393804368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000426289104322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527729997550211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662136094414567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912770625171349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391447062101099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CorrectHandle,2019/02/19,"its over its been 3 and a half years. my movements are slow, and i cant think anymore. there is no salvation. at this point my only recourse is to rope",-0.20906249999999807,1.9989912187500032,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.9375,4.45,20.5,5.985473137389443,-0.07052500000000039,117,4,27,1,4,38,28,32,0.075,0.925,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475200245175809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198855619546771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218988262891913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35375381079214624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555246743649046
suicidewatch,Whichway2go19,2019/02/19,Ending it all I'd like to inhale bleach & ammonia. Hope the fumes from this combination would end it all and maybe look like an accident. Just tired of pushing thru,3.626458333333332,6.0472645625000006,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,75.25,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6869041666666669,134,4,26,3,3,42,29,32,0.177,0.625,0.198,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34623177376268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660520586354363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317384777513783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122315109229389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26834111801746285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210304453928017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672751680984589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269988122244789,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justforthispost67,2019/02/19,"Dont know what to do anymore Full time college student, actually a year left before graduating but I fking hate it. Everybody on campus is, more or less, lackadaisical when it comes to critical thinking and most act immature so I can't really relate to them. But that's besides the point, I was legit just fired because the boss didn't like me. I just started and can't do actual sales yet so I just shadow people, but somehow I get fired for following directions. Idk what to do anymore, student debt is racking up, gas and car payments due, I had to move back in with my parents because my pay wasn't enough, all this for a piece of paper that may or may not help me. Idk what to do, please if anyone can relate can you reach out. 

I'm so lost, before starting my new job I was out of work for a month and a half, believe me when you're living paycheck to paycheck a month and a half is a lot. Now, idk how long it'll be until I find a new one, in the meantime schoolwork and debt keep piling up. Please someone reach out.

This is a throwaway account btw, since some of my past friends know my actual Reddit account. ",3.8889601769911515,4.895448194690268,5.008130530973453,84.31493915929205,71.47787610619469,7.596902654867256,28.72676991150443,7.8658589789855275,1.7758150442477878,876,33,176,11,16,289,134,226,0.185,0.763,0.052000000000000005,-0.9852,4,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,2,13,4,1,0,12,0,22,0,0,2,1,35,34,19,0,1,10,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,1,4,0,6,5,6,2,0,3,6,2,19,2,23,24,9,33,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,9,18,123,29,10,0.0,0.0,0.3942252829505796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670924467325068,0.09415718273365037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354498570553088,0.0,0.16417458819909936,0.0,0.2291709475319556,0.151715351975133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599739502936822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782014790692192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913945139009004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307651250845768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403773857997436,0.0,0.07035412753001463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329485602398933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025954833968257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362895901524094,0.11969171525156044,0.0,0.0,0.14801088242316948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630814174280934,0.0,0.0,0.06578792015921082,0.0,0.11890696891966955,0.11916958371667645,0.0,0.0,0.14699695330521492,0.11448284869653146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496815164998825,0.1431219342459647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601103257481309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124888756443224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952364427416864,0.0,0.12854790637710725,0.09335607033155248,0.0,0.0,0.2956317931334593,0.1272969281655265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626644235832741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139188295261904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409671409879152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062563624094125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628448881725666,0.0,0.0,0.07852114521801264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803385445663734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671642213777242
suicidewatch,RandomAccount49372,2019/02/19,"Need someone to talk to I really need to talk to someone, I just really need emotional support right now. Thank you to anyone who wants to reach out",4.9848275862068965,6.083604896551732,5.933965517241383,78.34508620689657,69.0,9.937931034482759,28.29310344827586,10.125756701596842,2.8594000000000004,118,4,22,3,2,39,18,29,0.0,0.732,0.268,0.7537,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952461761893292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272720303730932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393142564307427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106355825345796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704845975875186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108492048639372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27512604421796505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897395172086506,0.0,0.22321267391255595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300155427815686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuizC09,2019/02/19,"Why do i care so much when they really don't care? I could be all my life writing here how my dad was always an asshole during my entire life, and how It affected me too much, but i won't

My mother was always a friend of mine and one lf the best example of mother, but never really cared when i asked for mental help (She doesn't want to pay psychologists - not for money, but because she doesn't want to admit her son has a problem). 

I've tried to kill myself once, but i started to feel messed up INSIDE A HOSPITAL, so they managed to save me before i die, but they never understood what happened exactly. Never had the courage to do that again because of MY MOTHER.

My life is 24/7 inside my room, no light, closed doors. I only get out for classes, but for months i've been skipping them

Anyways, i Just want the courage. I feel i can do It. Jumping off a building looks like the best way without needing courage

Sorry for english, not my first language",5.671178977272728,5.441635161458336,6.274564393939393,81.16551136363638,67.17708333333334,8.648484848484847,30.99621212121212,8.00094639256281,2.085379166666667,749,26,148,8,11,245,115,192,0.174,0.672,0.153,-0.3938,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,4,3,11,14,1,0,9,0,16,3,0,3,5,34,32,14,2,6,10,5,2,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,2,1,11,3,0,2,5,4,29,11,18,24,5,16,0,0,1,0,17,5,0,0,10,108,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264616453995458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272179602986414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590820488626953,0.0,0.11579544963134801,0.0,0.2856185635186593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4162328928144776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865011354656716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412312539916935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761392824899615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575097034558998,0.0,0.0,0.10513633466403437,0.0,0.07109703842039809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203365415907665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121265235471047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505541684281619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883554524575037,0.06648261376224222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427430148193014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371382826789356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086190638246552,0.0,0.200071320913698,0.10090280905508958,0.3148636413151189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492250146807625,0.09221243859813773,0.1034962165029111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021174774209612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743547616058337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233225070460088,0.096319282603235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239049843536123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079342458447645,0.10801526884054856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227925106439607,0.0,0.0,0.131177841338315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ded_Dinosaur,2019/02/19,"I believe that I’ve found the perfect way to do it. (32F) been suicidal since I was 15. Just got a huge promotion that I’ve been working towards for years. I should be so happy. I’m still so sad. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds for the last two years. Every man in my life, with the exception of my step dad has never really seemed to care about me. When they aren’t angry or cruel, they’re distant. I tried the traditional marriage thing, and it felt like he hated me. Now I’m fine owning my own house with my two cats and being alone. But they still seek me out, and they’re so nice at first, for years, but they always change. The common denominator is me. It’s me. But I don’t know what I do wrong, every time. Even my real dad stopped talking to me at 13. I’m just done.",1.2071987951807228,3.1311953072289183,3.0996234939759044,91.31883283132534,80.86746987951805,6.077710843373494,19.41114457831325,7.1686216300943375,0.2457843373493977,615,15,138,8,16,206,105,166,0.138,0.775,0.086,-0.8332,1,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,4,11,10,2,0,6,0,14,1,0,0,2,23,24,12,1,1,7,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,8,1,20,6,17,13,2,22,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,2,14,88,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371922490845328,0.0,0.0,0.13153202546415407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209278270851468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780976966676152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116917682344745,0.0,0.1672236134765858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176679101709593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044078105476918,0.0,0.2663719593194999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177789993698826,0.0,0.0,0.13445949800581306,0.0,0.1733223465068386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264279429225215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682750080586899,0.0,0.1560674779825947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239866094443544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687452158970804,0.12885316572953867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116538642366328,0.0772280253538801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558697420536445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191807701514228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799252734256225,0.10126763365546504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390659599534206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076223020977934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252479645627792,0.13215874505520409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290965846423614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270556268142588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501877437128816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217547809745386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732333390411898,0.0,0.3088348711654311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547349522773515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508132464430533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728314619735858,0.0,0.3053875862580845
suicidewatch,Youngvibez,2019/02/19,I'm this close to offing myself on IG live. I hate this world. More so I hate my fucking self man. I hate that I'm like this. I've been sober for 3 years. I don't want to get high I just want to die. ,-3.2826785714285727,-1.7410812916666671,-0.3782142857142841,109.9875,101.5,2.7428571428571438,8.94047619047619,3.1291,-2.523902380952381,150,1,45,0,7,51,33,48,0.342,0.609,0.049,-0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,6,10,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594057128881247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310721417566633,0.13058708617543308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7403132851959521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640829203702858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211156759023475,0.0,0.22070794056180945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607494218214903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948506471840988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095779008416292
suicidewatch,SPAZMVNE,2019/02/19,I’ve hurt the person I love I hurt this person to the point of no return I think. I’ve crushed their trust the put in my hands and ruined them. I love this person more than anything but I’ve put myself and drugs before them more than I ever should have. They put up with me so much and I didn’t make the changes I needed to fast enough and now I don’t think i can turn things around. I just want to mix up a shot way to big and make it look like an accident so they don’t think I did it on purpose because of them. I want to because I hurt them with what I did and ruined the best thing I have ever felt and have ever had the luxury of experiencing. I don’t know what to say to them anymore and I know they don’t view me the same and can’t even look at me the same. I don’t want to hurt them. But i feel like they would be better off without me. I just want them to be happy and I ruined not only what I really think true love feels like but I’ve tainted a friendship. I don’t think I want to be here anymore ,0.5799557522123919,2.0042288982300893,2.444433628318585,97.66373008849558,80.81415929203541,5.227964601769912,17.052212389380532,5.6839178017228535,-0.7474984070796458,785,13,197,4,20,261,97,226,0.129,0.6559999999999999,0.215,0.9648,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,12,2,11,18,0,0,11,0,20,5,1,2,4,46,44,15,0,8,7,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,0,3,9,13,0,0,10,0,0,3,11,7,0,0,5,9,42,11,25,34,7,19,0,7,3,3,19,9,0,0,9,139,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533051501030066,0.0,0.0,0.08104028375134405,0.08766768389716584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200644468117458,0.0,0.08379884896491799,0.0,0.1033482185270493,0.08709716460344502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417831253739038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420502000320132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175570680025986,0.0,0.0650448180878776,0.26724118993411794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958844518951453,0.14070762925413285,0.09455581760956427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483331879576126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216976068627501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082435772502439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443364102957003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539604899747892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666449331096667,0.0,0.13147173694076988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239380501062373,0.07302134309303929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489814014954171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579656498231925,0.0,0.0,0.0930950120154608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29699746265351673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308852541545011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783148957709115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085088249546314,0.3155086159166934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711747803013044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904289688230445,0.07816848786624267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493077792650624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995705120861524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pandorasvault,2019/02/19,"I don't know what to title this. I don't really know what I am trying to do with this post. I want to die, I have for a while, it's encompassing all of my thoughts.. I have attempted suicide 3 times and I thought I had overcome my suicidal urges years ago but they are back. I am simply put a failure. There's nothing to show for the 20 years wasted by me... I haven't felt enjoyment doing the things I used to love in months, I cannot motivate myself to do anything, I feel the only reason I do anything is expectations of others.... I haven't told anyone about my urges to kill myself... I am sure that if I do succeed and kill myself some time soon that someone will be sad about it but honestly... they'll get over it... watched it happen to a friend who decided to take his life... and no one even mentions him anymore, like he didn't exist... either way... I hope you have a nice day...",2.6073536299765827,3.7843149071038265,4.209496487119438,88.16422131147543,74.79234972677595,7.195784543325528,24.546838407494146,7.7094869923839395,1.0880838407494149,680,21,149,9,14,228,115,183,0.212,0.645,0.14300000000000002,-0.9443,0,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,1,2,3,6,12,2,0,7,0,23,2,0,3,2,24,37,7,5,4,4,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,9,1,0,1,7,3,0,1,6,3,30,9,19,28,3,16,0,1,1,1,11,3,0,3,11,107,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384604143056416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490679312924016,0.1092175192955652,0.0,0.2570758689607174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010689090224022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100735014874062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621092285168448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316753815077552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789785798507789,0.0,0.14997491279678976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067845905041552,0.0,0.08160719190980971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381256865481893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514020726243635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34562066687193604,0.0,0.17168505830016598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032751513405796,0.07631062475317489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097511079277092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246760341012932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987653114124125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584404555156199,0.11879588502900384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495948437084672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702248572460678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006466378122818,0.16059792033803508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234635650575646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417112894652308,0.0,0.1472150979380755,0.0,0.11744172134760987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377124426480068,0.0,0.0,0.24800808743638686,0.18216102997086125,0.0,0.0,0.14925421877493916,0.0,0.10604842766972856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490522479159842,0.0,0.0,0.09212983478764164,0.12398298113823145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20117323465095047
suicidewatch,end3368,2019/02/19,I want to kill myself I feel like I just want to fucking die. I met this person who I know is going through much more than me. Hope they can get through it unlike me. ,-0.1833333333333336,1.817857333333336,1.3588888888888917,101.35000000000002,86.77777777777777,3.6,17.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.1052,128,3,31,0,4,41,28,36,0.211,0.593,0.196,-0.5617,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,2,5,10,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,22,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510678397685285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710380073353941,0.24165808070119546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31272247913901924,0.17673059600290206,0.0,0.19224498581016247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33597555131912715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742424228657677,0.0,0.18590274930495446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526021638984068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486652367929093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953617803268635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990373943919908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sshharkie,2019/02/19,I don’t wanna die but I really wanna stab my eye I didn’t mean for that to rhyme I’m sorry,-4.015434782608693,-2.7955735217391275,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,110.30434782608695,4.039130434782609,5.75,5.985473137389443,-1.7735999999999996,71,0,19,1,4,28,18,23,0.405,0.595,0.0,-0.8597,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237104286557436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496733815165948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232691219470856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648748847000455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McRibAfficianado,2019/02/19,"Call the National Suicide Hotline... Get hung up on by their automated system. I am ready to end things. I've ruined my reputation. I've hurt the people who love me (and whom I also love), and I was just hung up on by the National Suicide Hotline! I've got a can of butane and a plastic bag. I'm facing jail time, no job, and my friends are all talking about me instead of to me. This is my own fault as I was arrested for Prostitution. Anyone know a faster less painless method? ",1.973424971363116,3.9428991030927847,4.0628178694158095,85.13060710194733,78.58762886597938,6.785337915234822,26.241695303550976,7.793537801064563,1.5675599083619702,371,15,76,6,9,127,66,97,0.215,0.679,0.106,-0.9199,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,6,0,6,3,1,0,1,7,12,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,11,3,13,9,3,10,0,2,0,2,8,6,0,0,3,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194815998932196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033879916556108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487545410988915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157674484888785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821361199542286,0.0,0.12727693471568274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483834127726046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260791109614201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24174678714410225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388248906467834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397377131353248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888951488784418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5329428015234764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958056661066101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184463124589582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420518031362127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sm0lkitt3n,2019/02/19,I honestly might do it So if I can find a good suicide method then I'm probably gonna go through with it. I'm so tired of living and so tired of being in a constant war with myself. I hurt and push away the ones I love cause all I'm ever good for is being toxic. The rest just don't give a shit about me so it wouldn't matter to them whether I'm alive or not,1.37582329317269,1.8959984096385585,3.453192771084339,94.94356425702813,76.95180722891567,6.497188755020081,21.062248995983936,6.42735559955562,0.00516224899598372,280,6,72,2,6,96,57,83,0.214,0.593,0.193,-0.476,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,5,0,8,4,1,1,2,16,16,10,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,7,4,10,11,2,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,3,3,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201049878787052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982583398435274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312462826276839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356546450263065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558223386084966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527792044712265,0.12161498242739853,0.35896794322221764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290798431151995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889563664824632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313358972608066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700870364513626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500460651208946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307165290628964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196568182546259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23406943116845585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918981668654188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Batmans_Black_Top,2019/02/19,Suicidal Thoughts Is it possible to get used to suicidal thoughts and learn to cope with them so you don't feel the need to act on them? I want to learn how to do this because I frequently have them. And yes I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist I just want help for this specific thing.,3.128793103448277,5.066595672413797,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,75.0344827586207,9.467586206896552,28.84137931034483,9.888512548439397,2.8734855172413796,231,10,49,7,5,75,40,58,0.14300000000000002,0.73,0.127,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,0,15,14,5,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,9,12,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,34,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719054616975073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038299436036402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472247871062376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283975377899016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120172719974074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29070114941494263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548297406936272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641192993264299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993981602306793,0.17131234293284173,0.0,0.0,0.4094279376337023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271035002680084,0.0,0.0,0.30418788872208063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rokexd,2019/02/19,"I really feel like I have nothing to live for. Hey, I'm 23 years old M, and I'd really like if I died tonight. I'm unemployed after my Girlfriend left me a few months ago, she took our online business and I had to move out to a hostal. We had 2 dogs, she kept one (which was like my daughter) and I kept the other one (which I love just as much), she won't let me see the dog she kept (or even talk to me for that matter).

We had over 6k USD in debts in my name (to friends and family)(some to my parents, who are in my home country, with literally no money, so they need it more than me), which she won't take responsibility for. We are illegally on another country, so it's very very hard for me to find a job. I'm running out of money and don't know what to do. I share the room with my sister, she could take care of the dog if I wasn't there.

I gained over 100 pounds in the relationship, so I'm not really attractive to anyone. I'm currently at a gym, lost a bit of weight, but I don't know if I'll be able to pay for it the next month.

I could finish my degree, I had to run away from my home country because of socialism. 

I just don't see anything getting better, I just want everything to be over.
",5.282944297082231,3.5415242911877414,6.662222222222222,83.0569230769231,68.54022988505747,10.176363100501034,29.65546713822576,9.057496981413335,1.95569295608606,924,25,224,14,13,319,139,261,0.05,0.87,0.08,0.799,6,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,4,0,1,3,8,10,0,0,11,0,20,2,0,0,0,34,42,14,1,7,9,3,3,3,2,2,0,0,3,0,10,12,1,3,4,1,4,4,8,1,0,2,11,5,38,9,39,24,4,28,0,1,2,1,24,14,0,4,13,143,48,3,0.1308914707755481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160273913030948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725111974573914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152235974454627,0.0,0.1077125277721812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297684547736623,0.0,0.0,0.07979022569406576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576286911842434,0.14289958549318582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345257791490775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090123773567253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584468156686993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645258198038817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176368140023054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618266047276783,0.09350889287540406,0.0,0.0,0.11963243298992138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112642563085662,0.0,0.0683853911339946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172530481099142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625896348521379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988958785946422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386905846111098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422139659809077,0.1338453970364637,0.0,0.19184088311209446,0.0,0.11557956673771932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428835023644358,0.0,0.11813466271914445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895264639114,0.13911691889134167,0.09622029158568136,0.0970543670602649,0.0,0.0,0.13920456410115578,0.0,0.0,0.12559389637162682,0.0,0.13734858026360308,0.0,0.17739089619080087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533948833502322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515572835394322,0.0,0.0,0.14052845484745485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860711126452489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342737090407444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682819275737126,0.10520560612859388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542524015343078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599834290717165,0.07720318074448823,0.0,0.0,0.15939054903708536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428981573401259
suicidewatch,McCryptoTX,2019/02/19,"Fuck. Me. I want to kill myself. And I'm too big of a fucking bitch to do it. I've wanted to kill myself for as long as I can remember, well before I was even a teenager,  I've sat with a gun in my mouth more than once, and I never pull the trigger and I hate myself more when I dont. I want to fucking die. I dont know why I haven't yet. I dont want words of comfort, I want to die. I dont even know why I'm posting this, I fucking hate people as much as I hate myself.",-1.7839189189189213,-0.24747162162162084,1.6247072072072086,99.88949324324328,89.54054054054055,4.06036036036036,16.457207207207208,4.7782277997778095,-1.0179495495495492,354,8,95,1,12,128,57,111,0.33,0.586,0.083,-0.9883,0,0,0,1,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,10,0,4,0,8,5,1,1,1,15,25,8,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,2,0,20,2,15,23,3,8,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,4,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773496062821056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384071410801652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5384468182598262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172410631915073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247342750175699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401929199287725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541448005182394,0.0,0.12624495314056386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164494843750256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443320844898179,0.0,0.08858490175321848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231909820478612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962747421975436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100013840518768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011074172594198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33872856469777196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327035643105477,0.0,0.20728139545092625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TwoTutu2,2019/02/19,"Always Accused of Guilting People I'm not sure why, but anytime I have tried to share with my friends the way I feel, I am accused of trying to guilt them. If something really upsets me and I bring it up with them, they start exploding at me saying I'm trying to guilt them and that I don't care about them to do that, and after that they become very distant, either refusing phone calls over months, blocking me or with certain friends acting like I am invisible and don't exist.  


This has happened with different people and has made it feel like I can no longer risk telling someone how I'm really feeling. Maybe my state is so extreme it causes people to get scared and distance themselves, but I don't understand the anger or accusations of guilting. I feel like my only option is to say nothing if a friend does something that hurts me. I have been suicidal lately and while I never bring that up with friends, I feel like if I even show the slightest bit of sadness in a reaction to something they say, that friend is going to hate me and I'll lose them as a friend.",8.160900473933651,6.567158573459718,7.850374407582944,76.36068009478673,62.7914691943128,10.335734597156401,36.26587677725119,8.841846274778883,3.02637971563981,853,32,162,10,10,272,113,211,0.269,0.591,0.14,-0.9872,1,0,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,8,1,4,26,2,7,6,0,15,0,0,3,3,37,33,19,1,3,9,0,5,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,10,13,0,2,6,1,0,4,6,12,0,0,2,8,29,14,25,31,2,17,0,3,0,0,22,5,0,6,10,108,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090301558417465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985742194841252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848127711066506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081623817304648,0.0,0.1106485495426632,0.11148514941670708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338560782164647,0.0,0.0,0.0949710268416474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167979030309572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743677005196415,0.2325910116011613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030772349840831,0.0,0.056699873896096036,0.0,0.061677302624011936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596836780941363,0.0,0.0,0.10714604622242713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617834025764102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242101467658212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207948462283568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141180231774305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268905255584024,0.0,0.0,0.10902802732160563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662368163851672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370123028880308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413273900031324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253821192577962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257128729075293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390478874489707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589104930180721,0.10865253514062732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919529461665269,0.2506437206303113,0.0,0.0,0.07681460857867453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870882068190587,0.0,0.10228360140017193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485570135500178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104421197576132,0.0,0.0,0.11297843323857855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954455477636569,0.0,0.08614215525966099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792700263728678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AngMoBodoh,2019/02/19,"Coward I feel my will to die is stronger than my will to live yet whenever I try I am not strong enough. I tried again tonight for the second time in 6 months but stopped because I live at home with my mother and don't want her to be the one to find me, I go outside and I can't think of anywhere good to do it so stop in my tracks. Has anyone else have this problem? I feel it would be much easier if I had a gun or access to something where that I would have no time to fight myself.",1.8085280373831765,2.6489692336448627,3.0804556074766367,96.79956191588785,76.28971962616822,6.097663551401869,21.786214953271028,5.985473137389443,-0.0587934579439251,376,9,94,2,8,122,76,107,0.234,0.6859999999999999,0.08,-0.9425,0,0,1,1,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,15,0,0,0,0,17,20,6,1,5,4,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,1,2,17,2,14,13,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,8,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367678413267512,0.21053911470609174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252590412325644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132563784798852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165263989976556,0.0,0.0,0.2123163452995741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077942887096204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780550783366246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677933667129192,0.17234734347297176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061137539910119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628861953881812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401262135988567,0.0,0.1510518533604876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923894428774394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661714368583727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818897277044172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435818953574131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166364491664714,0.0,0.0,0.23963473213195316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790156221856595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211977571944403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919349864023628,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JulieFace,2019/02/19,"Holding out due to someone? After my mom passes away of natural causes, I won't be around for much longer.  She is in good health and in no way am I insinuating, ""please hurry"".  My mom is the only one who would hurt if I took my life, I can't cause harm onto her.  Anyone else planning to remove themselves after a loved one to passes away?",3.3543478260869577,4.381580956521741,5.0122898550724635,83.70626086956524,72.76811594202898,6.679420289855073,22.495652173913044,6.742157984588678,0.6093165217391308,262,6,53,2,5,89,54,69,0.07400000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.196,0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,2,0,8,9,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,1,0,9,2,14,5,1,15,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,1,3,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325956924505265,0.19430125660799955,0.0,0.16881343405663946,0.0,0.0,0.3563325951596095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896103314229632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841390650456585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905503096940682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157084362877567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030058796564972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394328455636664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115104384737814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441913857527088,0.0,0.0,0.1394019584526201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570002432246106,0.14422432167742436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815991506356168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606752918155465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068906518308286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052172345734552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470973026794322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,krossful,2019/02/19,"Why? I'm a healthy 16yo boy, and shouldn't have had to endure this level of mental, emotional, and physical abuse at home. Sorry I seemed off at school today guys,  I know I'm usually the happy kid of the group but it's become unbearable. I'm sorry in advance for what I'm going to do tonight. I love you all, and it wasn't your fault.",0.3217253521126757,2.4800815070422573,2.6627992957746507,91.77898767605636,86.04225352112675,5.803521126760564,18.734154929577464,7.1686216300943375,0.35256197183098603,261,7,57,4,8,89,53,71,0.073,0.728,0.199,0.8746,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,8,13,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,9,10,1,10,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,31,9,1,0.0,0.2700143881461976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516884676432012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563474784567838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951609949098494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256486026995255,0.0,0.2425949421918016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859394674848146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524331322952678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056811481837518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966122335076575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306385573672073,0.0,0.20746403603993832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102121795487211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601467594100748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25099050081690505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056368044131528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BillNyeCommieSpy,2019/02/19,I don't think I can deal with this much longer It's just constant pain and I can't find a good reason to live anymore. I've had to deal with it for years and as soon as I'm old enough I'm going to buy my way out and pull that beautiful trigger.,0.13526315789473742,1.409634456140349,2.105122807017544,100.27452631578949,81.63157894736842,5.261754385964913,18.417543859649122,5.6839178017228535,-0.6450603508771929,192,4,51,1,5,64,42,57,0.106,0.821,0.073,-0.2037,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,11,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,9,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527312761684363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27538984331218874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254545267302121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26331625282096593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232917736560143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448305701372879,0.2137464103525237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502702991436727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187335590919412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674100963694577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711660899446069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620163811871403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329019587862742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227890858272327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410761367272134
suicidewatch,TaquitoGrill,2019/02/19,"Does anyone else feel like theyre just bitching or complaining when u try to tell people why ur sad Idk i just cant bring myself to speak about cuz i think its ""not that bad"" and idk if it is or not",0.6620454545454528,2.222554750000004,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,81.04545454545455,5.3090909090909095,15.545454545454547,5.985473137389443,-0.9048909090909092,155,2,39,1,4,50,38,44,0.208,0.679,0.113,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,5,6,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530593638536284,0.370824658663229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30218388500543425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167142315111489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30233351977532075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829950845249847,0.2585521288104344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681337462949973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25090627272489713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163296381873605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23190050101963114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457165097401066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265719705881673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jeditrey03,2019/02/19,"I have to say something about my problems My life’s been on a downward slope for years and hasn’t gotten better. For about a year I’ve been considering suicide but have always had that thing in me that stops me. My past year I’ve been nothing but suffering, I try to make people happy so i know they won’t suffer as much as me and others I know suffer too. I ended up losing the only person I’ve ever loved a few months ago and I have been feeling like that’s the final straw. I just need support cause I know life isn’t for me, but I still don’t want to die deep down. I want to try to fix my mental state. I’m getting close to finally giving with my life I feel. ",1.1822115384615373,2.8425819861111137,3.070277777777779,92.77942307692308,79.83333333333333,5.264102564102566,18.71581196581197,5.873414542411696,-0.2859245726495727,522,11,117,3,13,175,86,144,0.157,0.652,0.191,0.5394,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,2,7,10,0,0,5,0,12,4,0,2,1,22,27,9,2,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,3,21,5,18,20,2,20,0,4,0,1,5,7,0,0,13,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330614391965114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490165016974822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275808235812733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420198029355958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578811721501992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295088798431115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578102901623912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179794966441962,0.10723698709359672,0.0,0.3288713460322392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784250896457323,0.14399700558280726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979246206153766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247485836228206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180765712784919,0.0733350510798569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793214563876707,0.0,0.0,0.13547808033829806,0.0,0.1001980705113471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127327877375574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981455215214865,0.0,0.11034644780432322,0.11130297437792068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403240836338982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416368723041215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329480636505515,0.10406579459892808,0.13106827354148118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363281813819595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193716859780713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556025853833793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987622125449067,0.12549677756050814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419348517031948,0.17034046486896426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972490100027452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038265807743761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707484801713358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28999335584158675
suicidewatch,BellaEllaElla,2019/02/19,"if you ask a drug dealer how much of something will kill you, will a drug dealer still sell it to you? i already have a plan, i just need to find a safe way to do it :/",3.5634210526315786,1.983585868421052,4.862105263157896,94.04473684210528,71.89473684210526,7.6,24.26315789473684,3.1291,0.058642105263157614,125,2,34,0,2,42,26,38,0.177,0.75,0.07200000000000001,-0.6369,0,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,0,4,2,0,1,0,6,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123583904002348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26461835032972403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6565082067661753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25870727395790505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131585791125837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080780998382229,0.20988180295544392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179096789423706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260482039136701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246759984510838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yrplsd,2019/02/19,"Does anyone care? Hopped up on xans, I'm not even a drug addict but I just love them so much. They make me tired and feel euphoric when combined with music. I always wanted to go Japan, not even because I'm a weeb, but the serene nature and culture called out to me spiritually. The funny part is that I actually planned to fly out there and end myself in the suicide forest, hoping I wouldn't end up on any vlogs. Unfortunately the local forest 20 minutes from here will have to do.

I've been speedrunning life, and I must say 19 years is a pretty good time. Not a world record though.",3.6282051282051277,5.090869427350427,4.406495726495726,86.6246153846154,72.67521367521367,6.2256410256410275,22.401709401709404,6.42735559955562,0.38697606837606857,461,11,94,3,9,148,86,117,0.095,0.6659999999999999,0.239,0.969,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,1,8,4,0,0,8,0,8,5,0,1,1,19,17,9,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,10,4,13,13,2,15,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,5,59,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.1942973799821588,0.21705341586336846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567098699890295,0.0,0.0,0.13539796364753384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921857401984314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213723233628842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330806993119774,0.0,0.20300042141005414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423778757412858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308981382178353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35269517744251944,0.0,0.0,0.2630134366560721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067327417666608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315573928316412,0.16699950196726682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775580481524727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063347557409586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796996857596261,0.0,0.13290387448396682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636479898159865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156108920331072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256096965369025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833597881879805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177881293800956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561927023541847,0.0,0.11609950032786985,0.22884146185244136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743705869301885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821684213167192
suicidewatch,AloneOrAbused,2019/02/19,"I don’t even know where to post this... I miss the threads where I could talk about it.  Feel silly posting it here. 

Anyone who knows me knows it got really dark there for awhile.  I worked my ass off, got some outside help, and really tried to get my life together.  It all just exploded again.  I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t deserve it.  I’m just not meant to survive in this world.  It sucks.  Why is that so hard to accept?  How much misery I’ve endured fighting the inevitable.  ",0.577646048109969,2.9672115670103096,1.7954896907216489,96.58711769759456,87.96907216494844,4.882817869415808,18.392611683848802,6.42735559955562,-0.11903367697594502,370,10,81,4,12,117,70,97,0.158,0.775,0.067,-0.8403,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,2,0,2,0,5,2,1,1,1,15,18,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,3,9,2,8,12,3,9,0,1,1,1,4,5,2,1,1,50,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127228364462567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986801670365643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841511926724549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523387876128514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166209964637214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050244581644362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689356082494633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661253584106626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545964212061207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802692315066994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291132072278264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955054699514865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417881347595301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955140703472397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379413135784656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853836417672393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659275377730986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081211565107004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679122412512079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qazwsxedc-throw-away,2019/02/19,"How to save someone online from suicide? There is a person, whom I don’t know, online that is planning on commiting suicide in a few days.  They have posted their story and reasons in a few posts on instagram, and their comments are full of “dont do it, we need you, please stay alive” etc.
Is there something I can do, or help others do, to possibly save them? 

",4.178309859154929,5.22091471830986,4.90574647887324,85.1825633802817,70.83098591549296,7.370140845070423,28.284507042253523,7.554174236665415,1.6105076056338028,279,10,55,3,5,90,52,71,0.112,0.7090000000000001,0.179,0.5204,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,1,1,4,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,2,1,11,13,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,8,13,4,9,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,1,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592785787248927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26519116485313643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523550583380753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166653358755702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435414248848067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777912804376727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757352192875424,0.0,0.2483806428660842,0.0,0.2550896693480608,0.4334154339171575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326471140447564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191721024970898,0.1741965973725208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411777245086775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49501354166521205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lefthandruler,2019/02/19,Ibuprofen and sleeping pills I don't have a lot of medication around the house apart from some 200 mg ibuprofen pills and melatonin Older threads say ibuprofen overdose is pretty painful. Can I knock myself out with sleeping pills beforehand? If I take one or two handfuls of ibuprofen as well as as much melatonin as I can manage will I die? How long will it take? I'm not entirely sure if I'll do it or no but I can't stop thinking about it,2.459457070707071,4.8930776477272735,2.9733333333333327,91.16055555555555,79.3409090909091,5.2747474747474765,27.959595959595962,6.42735559955562,1.1765489898989905,355,16,70,3,9,110,60,88,0.097,0.8320000000000001,0.071,-0.2841,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,9,12,3,1,1,17,13,12,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,2,7,2,11,11,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,3,48,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134271164544693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347327871151892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26097429964533714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200156773281316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922849512139751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784639709420024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626383131403727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326127968885828,0.0,0.24066496289021716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301001547068919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798625534038504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526744554269174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909149746058349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316621243959136,0.0,0.34010923163039225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492309469629444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209390238698327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335748737735496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrazyAlex91,2019/02/19,"I feel so peaceful I was angry before; I smashed my phone. Soon I'll be smashing apart my computer too, but not with anger, just to prepare for the state of finality. I'm going to use charcoal on my stove, then fade away. I can't wait to be asleep. I've been so tired for so long. I don't mean anybody any ill will, I wish I hadn't been so angry towards them, but it's all good, it'll be over soon.

I hear this is a painless way to go. It doesn't matter much; no pain, no gain. I hope other people can be happy. My mother died many years ago when I was young, I hope she is at peace too. I don't believe in the afterlife. I only believe in the absence of consciousness and the overall transition being a positive one, because on Earth I was too inflammed.

Goodbye and good luck. Don't emulate me. And thank you for reading! :)",1.2916257225433512,3.078899791907517,3.223406791907518,91.21060151734108,79.98265895953756,5.9434971098265885,24.10729768786127,6.9077264865688965,0.7938904624277461,636,23,140,7,16,214,111,173,0.124,0.578,0.298,0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,1,11,9,1,0,6,0,21,5,1,1,1,19,33,11,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,5,4,0,1,3,1,0,2,9,2,0,1,6,2,22,7,18,20,2,23,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,10,94,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255569868983934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703346628560753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169301381139994,0.0,0.0,0.10491017244006158,0.0,0.14644387957698352,0.3877940895021696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861196461442652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701860738384286,0.0,0.0,0.18852643664450752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561606455017605,0.2886975558078175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320296881176867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396848643280648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418669925624097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230251788011445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744817388984543,0.0,0.18746665561145587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651283154895995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661898024972045,0.13088931831499714,0.1831258528642853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931202683977145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721459324531298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844596833813754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780289739198487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863859051845674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660446134040932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790577054812145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082634529073587
suicidewatch,Worthless97,2019/02/19,"I really just need to get it over with How many times have I told myself that, and here I still am. If I weren't as pathetic as I am, I'd have done it years ago, and everyone, most of all myself, would be all the better for it.


I'm a thoroughly worthless person. I can't find the energy or motivation to do much of anything really. Certainly nothing productive. I just attempt to distract myself from the fact that I exist as much as I can. To just forget, for a little bit anyway, what a waste of oxygen I am.


I'm completely hopeless socially, and it sounds pathetic (you know, probably because it is), but I'm afraid of people, and I almost never leave the house. I can't say I've ever had a close friend or any sort of close bond with another human being, which is, yeah, not particularly surprising. One generally needs some, you know, actual positive traits to be at all likable. Not to mention having some personality beyond being a nervous wreck.


There are so many people with real problems and here I am unable to handle even the most trivial things. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Just another way of putting off what I know I need to do, I guess.


I'm sorry I'm this way. I wish I weren't, but I am. As easy as I'm sure it would be for just about anyone else, I can't handle this. I can't handle anything. I'm simply not cut out for life. Though Lord knows I have no faith in my ability to accomplish anything, let alone ending my life, I just want this to be over, and can only hope that it will be soon enough.",3.605713040952658,4.4930694217252425,5.415505373221028,81.57642680801628,72.03514376996804,8.63020621550973,25.409381353470806,8.97023862654752,1.8164198083067085,1191,35,245,23,22,410,161,313,0.103,0.74,0.157,0.9682,0,1,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,2,0,4,20,14,1,3,10,1,36,2,0,2,8,62,58,20,0,10,14,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,3,18,12,0,0,7,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,5,2,31,7,38,42,11,21,2,2,0,0,11,10,0,11,8,178,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.10641057561278637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666034657440696,0.0,0.10919115933862793,0.11293602028804155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415321426287985,0.2286829110497241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624564262679782,0.11172779371244533,0.2692001469980503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647181137332726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643997786870996,0.1190470914150598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432987322394422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158920158859628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109172311135763,0.0,0.09658003842089516,0.11267092512726695,0.0,0.14404420271153262,0.09863594894352673,0.0,0.10419558966963273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996636423905954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842466183159706,0.0,0.05697064747729085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012353883263713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830464632663904,0.0,0.12582138038126506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996368550564336,0.0,0.0,0.11546115837303506,0.0,0.11150420878753828,0.15404107958265228,0.0,0.10929007900481708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211056748147956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031881140663684,0.2425627772350344,0.08410095043486976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046300310174068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738905930417575,0.08293237800927948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119385200122148,0.1904248867580399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756716953383113,0.10433975511262013,0.0,0.10961868030100888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411519991796853,0.13971191881015374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867156450996373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115595868572954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206509788773726,0.0,0.0,0.08708215665228697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277206275194456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244355352679582,0.0,0.10713453340758122,0.0,0.0635840517220558,0.0,0.0,0.10419558966963273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643165904498774,0.17310706437285756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839465879554142,0.0,0.12539446598549495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492252821401736,0.0,0.0,0.0702203394391514
suicidewatch,Effable_,2019/02/19,"Mom is controlling my life, giving me no privacy and I feel like killing myself. Hi. I'm a 13 year old boy.

I live with my mom and brother; dad is abroad and rarely comes.

My mom is full of herself. I try to protest at something and she doesn't want to hear it.

She controls my life 24/7 and always tried guilt tripping me. She also blames me for everything that happens.

I don't have a lock for my room nor does she knock at my door. She just barges in and starts screaming at everything I've done wrong.

She always wants it HER way, no  one can protest and my dad has also given up trying to reason with her. I'm like; yeah, 1 minute let me finish something and she's like; NO I WANT IT DONE NOW and it goes into a full-blown madhouse and she just ends up grabbing me and calling my dad who believes her as she's the ""mom"". I always get phone calls from him when he's like YOU DID THIS TO YOUR MOM?  


For example, I had a 6hr sports session today and I came home exhausted. Guess what? My fucking mom made me unload everything from the car myself and I almost fainted. I tried protesting and she started screaming.

I have no privacy and she is controlling my life. Everytime I'm in the car and I bring up conversation she starts screaming if she takes a wrong turn and blames it all on me and tells me to get the fuck out of the car.

I'm at the point where I just want to hang myself.

Please help..",0.817389705882352,3.0590054394463664,2.1411840397923894,95.7970009731834,84.57093425605535,5.13499134948097,20.449935121107266,6.4784943948869325,0.11433295847750855,1088,33,242,11,32,348,144,289,0.16899999999999998,0.768,0.063,-0.9815,0,0,2,0,0,2,33.0,0,2,0,3,8,17,6,1,11,1,15,7,0,5,1,41,42,24,1,5,4,10,2,4,0,0,5,4,3,1,9,24,0,3,2,1,0,8,7,13,0,1,7,6,54,4,28,34,2,35,0,0,0,2,42,16,2,3,14,152,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232784424801375,0.0,0.0,0.13149684401555192,0.20523188254152985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926297237863342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790426488753482,0.09403365408383288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082214503424683,0.0,0.0,0.276638036635152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194812200067831,0.1682718356282928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281932354911615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22167238557161492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04157108003675095,0.058735409578629535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201546617748887,0.08590934688536911,0.07886945847910165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057062911900986,0.0,0.07270368727159789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266385335882568,0.0,0.05510791704951812,0.0,0.0824697484906269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096026056707318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407183502456812,0.17421561531845686,0.16066711228601133,0.0,0.07259858375508711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779514160398332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5777450944582493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627227709320841,0.0,0.055711957563062006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024891345504528,0.07772106870736613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453214799154643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658839641470845,0.0,0.0,0.1745795643128467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181649767594731,0.0,0.07186075375313054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793152989628542,0.0,0.0,0.22327814365663864,0.08942782958507943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397344155673224,0.06525954811836962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978144449649888,0.0,0.052944663317115004
suicidewatch,d4dasher123,2019/02/19,"I poem I wrote years ago has found relevance again.. (Im on mobile so i apologise if any formatting is incorrect)

My freshman year of highschool was, by far, the worst year of my life to date. Towards the middle / end of the school year I started writing poetry. One of them was my suicide note. I never killed myself (obviously) but I tried so many times. Something always went wrong though. 

I'm glad I didnt, because life in general has gotten so much better for me, but there are some days where I can't help but think back to that poetry. Today is one of those days. 

I was diagnosed as bipolar two years ago, but sometimes I feel like it's something else. I go through various ""moods"" or ""phases"", but they often come and go in a short span of time. I can be totally happy and fine one morning, but become depressed to the point of contemplating ending it all within hours, and be fine again the next day. I'll get bursts of motivation to do something but upon the slightest sign of disapproval from others I'll give it up in a heartbeat no matter how many other people are supporting it (luckily I'm very stubborn so sometimes what'll happen is that I'll end up saying ""ya know what? Fuck you. I'm doing this anyways just to show you I can and will""). My emotions and mental state is a rollercoaster and I just want it to stop. I feel like my head is empty many days. But I still feel in my heart, in my chest, and it hurts so so fucking much. I just.... I want it to stop. And so I remember my old poetry. 

This was my suicide note years ago. And lately, I think about it a lot. 

~
This is goodbye, to all of my friends, my family, and my foes. 
I'll cut a galaxy of stars, and watch it fall to my toes. 
The world is mine, for the taking, as they have always said. 
But the only world I'll want to be in is away from home and dead. 
Goodbye to all my memories, the ones that never last. 
Goodbye to all my memories, future, present, and past. 
Goodbye to my experiences, some good, some bad. 
But the bad outweigh the best of them, and I can't help but feel sad. 
Goodbye to all my earthly possessions, those that I loved the most. 
I'll see you on the other side of that beautiful black and red coast. 
Goodbye to all my nightmares, haunting me all day. 
You think they'd disappear at night, but they're since been here to stay.
Goodbye to those I've loved. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. But life has gotten out of control, so I'm making life pack up its stuff. 
This is goodbye, to this lonely planet. And as I sit here and write, I can't help but notice right in front of me, a bright and blinding light.",2.128216163740796,3.9793841102661633,3.5134641210258084,89.8060565488229,77.66920152091254,6.453782056467924,22.788447536607073,7.378060373470096,0.8146961087290672,2006,61,425,26,47,657,247,526,0.151,0.72,0.129,-0.9292,0,2,3,0,0,2,88.0,0,5,5,4,24,29,6,0,20,0,34,15,4,4,11,82,71,47,4,4,19,0,4,2,1,1,7,2,1,0,28,20,0,4,11,1,0,7,8,14,0,5,13,13,58,14,61,53,19,77,0,4,6,4,22,28,2,8,41,284,86,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034649616777497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537370269547035,0.0,0.0,0.051232096661651495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078207948556782,0.057929902151796435,0.12580736378590415,0.045925052600964765,0.08320437126752556,0.0,0.0,0.0790620787103217,0.06662991371758502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489660216888363,0.0,0.0,0.08449743414582735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293233764846905,0.0,0.06488809511170672,0.07646599640245297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293483040361768,0.08474456923170992,0.2001800426246211,0.07784379658330484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369455016159872,0.07102150847274567,0.0,0.15237165389844012,0.10764227790072033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260370151203855,0.058205580646578464,0.13929664552333754,0.03936074447273843,0.07227061348845769,0.08563209691789618,0.0631895369527628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662071964629522,0.08019819035318368,0.0,0.0,0.0773180298336503,0.0,0.0,0.08927532328779994,0.15149145372774506,0.0,0.07556967465721467,0.0,0.07419228107354875,0.0,0.08065037274205868,0.0,0.0813774489924686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334980309259025,0.0,0.04140353044501535,0.061410133518957924,0.08498400341433712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285247193914691,0.07361221311926279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404926494373676,0.13599010535891834,0.0,0.05028837924029299,0.2291412601022299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592250003492525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107634904880644,0.0,0.11620987882578875,0.0,0.08012230662377252,0.0706991585030959,0.0,0.0,0.0857722652309395,0.0790540535310571,0.0,0.20420261172668172,0.0572975783826396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191818693588695,0.05222955011035541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121830712135885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853427233685218,0.06433782997563581,0.07166323311815036,0.05991141929562997,0.0,0.07624559176462524,0.06003424902250357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623199746079534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399550939927913,0.1490214662287717,0.08433418505405238,0.05332428402890689,0.08029977176095725,0.06016464035259445,0.12597107930701765,0.0,0.0,0.08624343543005633,0.1648140370147221,0.08549212428524948,0.0,0.0,0.056644438758664824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481972140929442,0.07401873035307815,0.0,0.08785982688263579,0.0,0.07141115945649612,0.0,0.0,0.05114923042391942,0.0,0.0735938095358396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062161343532023884,0.13330806270357895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698386353072258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236975083990125,0.0,0.2910893549407309
suicidewatch,HomoKappa,2019/02/19,"How to deal with guilt feelings on own suicide? Each day I'm getting closer and closer to that day when I'm finally going to kill myself. But I don't want to make my family feel bad. I know that's impossible, but I'm really done with life.

I need to say that we have a fine relationship, although I've never told them how I really feel (actually to nobody).

How do you deal with this feeling? Once I'm dead I couldn't really care (duh) but that will probably devaste them. 

The only thing I've thoght about is telling them is not their fault (even tho they unintentionally helped a lot), as well as telling them how much I appreacite them, but after that I have no idea.",4.421555555555557,5.136352340740744,5.643703703703704,81.31666666666669,70.03703703703704,8.962962962962962,26.11111111111111,9.150863307647796,1.8430000000000009,526,15,110,10,9,176,85,135,0.16899999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.07,-0.9289,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,1,7,0,9,7,1,1,3,1,9,1,0,5,1,27,25,14,3,3,5,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,2,5,18,3,14,21,4,10,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,1,6,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.1571069890597998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442332407708354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414418448942888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076557134324596,0.33195563476211704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475282999093935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063350651436992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177088149024384,0.0,0.3256137573474237,0.0,0.0,0.17636113482131266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411275701123964,0.0,0.09149664033167117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791093179573656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174270924290045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811608566797915,0.0,0.08847813074625893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137148731006559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687140147189972,0.0,0.0,0.10746479214735108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834916597667615,0.11937506327081045,0.12416855208047745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145343072332528,0.0,0.12244324522798132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735788375485847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30941077200685163,0.0,0.0,0.17284738128627966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802894662986086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610138264867395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814318273026469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695730669480316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538367335392871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495847394850797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475300392160798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weazle9954,2019/02/19,"Last night I was going to do it. Shit happened and I didn’t. I’m not out of the woods but are any of us ever?

Anyway I have a hell of a lot of hydrocodone like 10+ or something and a full box of night quill sleep tabs. 

I can just take every single fuckin one and not wake up right?  What are the chances my body decides to throw them up and ruin my plans. Or will I have so much in my system my body can go fuck itself because we’re dying. ",0.9396938775510222,2.063393938775512,2.6732142857142875,97.71553571428574,79.0,4.9,18.37244897959184,3.1291,-0.8355755102040812,338,6,84,0,8,112,71,98,0.182,0.7659999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.9482,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,1,1,4,6,4,0,5,0,10,7,5,0,1,14,16,8,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,2,0,11,1,11,13,4,14,1,1,0,2,2,6,4,3,5,58,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229094808310794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755127549267914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648388121212725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171589596598895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892703213173753,0.1762944343007953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343978724131125,0.0,0.0,0.23783278551456524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503098600580886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055921365138002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222450648868343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778890817812704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381609480701022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39271671267022296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178701008241973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786905362336173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478271796795828,0.0,0.0,0.2093919537471282,0.0,0.0,0.1610838231492142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732307322567707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516909703977955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lame818,2019/02/19,"Does this happen to anyone when they burn themselves ? I commonly burn myself with a cigarette when im going through a lot, and it usually leaves just a scar which im not concerned about. My concern is that the last burn i did on myself ended up turning dark purple/reddish/blackish. im gonna go get it checked out by a doctor obviously but i wanna know if any of you guys can relate or if im alone on this and need to get my arm cut off ",3.79258064516129,4.1026897096774215,5.427043010752692,83.76056451612907,71.25806451612904,7.920430107526883,28.403225806451612,7.793537801064563,1.6556322580645155,345,12,73,4,6,118,69,93,0.063,0.937,0.0,-0.631,0,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,15,12,8,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,13,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,4,6,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797674863788071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803441365251052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136506570178485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765754673946418,0.15189338553096873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373262398490362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136764635844246,0.0,0.19728910210900208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718628432824254,0.15348849828441236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7499470138650757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539022912718946,0.14148374894947974,0.0,0.1837869101653095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756408433635562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870089525435446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879569638018046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911642287664116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phuckedit,2019/02/19,Suicide my destiny Looking back at the events of my life. I feel it's my destiny to kill myself. My parents we me to look at the future but I'm too stuck in how I got here to think of what lies ahead. It's all about the when for me now ,-0.155555555555555,1.2769086296296308,1.9516296296296325,100.30633333333336,83.07407407407408,4.32,20.059259259259264,3.1291,-0.7144251851851848,182,5,47,0,5,61,39,54,0.208,0.792,0.0,-0.8957,1,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,1,0,0,1,7,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,7,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,10,0,11,5,1,9,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,6,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581810188219689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977185953121687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685403407579204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714720080946679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371593340517982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.56391270581609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728250726352311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36727022152671707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151433705802537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yona55,2019/02/19,Its my birthday... they walked in on me before cutting (im 16 today) please help... Title says it all,-1.2674999999999983,0.3311812500000002,1.1099999999999994,96.01000000000002,111.5,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.1945,75,2,15,0,4,25,20,20,0.07200000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.111,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776879520990438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975066808156025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794396148544513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872195525934848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35297134707600314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207226843557229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NewC71,2019/02/19,"It never began. Things aren’t going to change. 
They told me to hold out.
I did. 
They told me to just wait a few days.
I did. 
They told me to wait a week.
I did. 
They told me to wait a few months.
I did. 
They told me to wait a few years. 
I did.

Yet the light at the end of the tunnel never came. I don’t think it ever will. I’m not living, I’m surviving. I’m living in my delusions, in denial of reality. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want out. 
",-3.387141316073353,-2.0188671844660178,0.2746763754045318,103.28519687162891,109.19417475728157,3.065587918015103,9.605717367853293,5.033348758259628,-1.896108522114348,332,4,90,2,18,119,48,103,0.022,0.948,0.03,-0.0742,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,0,3,16,28,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,5,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,12,1,19,0,14,15,3,17,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,10,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084638921202546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549925849719964,0.0,0.0,0.1715728380172188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459750074481468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436499586689051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467078520641835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217487683865516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864290149250059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294564912317137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501779508791523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775014837539533,0.10392318196224018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7748853900997551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191324743930748,0.0,0.13009700547323555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444341318431516
suicidewatch,CloudyCross,2019/02/19,Overwhelming sense of hopelessness I have messed up my life. Bad education. Can't get a job. Dont see the point in living. I'm only 18 but I don't want to live anymore. I've begun isolating myself from friends and family so they don't miss me when I'm gone. ,-0.9046262626262588,1.1665429818181825,2.0260606060606072,91.42131313131313,101.0,6.080808080808081,17.02020202020202,7.3871296695380915,0.6453232323232325,204,6,45,5,9,71,46,55,0.14800000000000002,0.735,0.117,0.0973,1,0,0,1,0,2,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,6,1,5,11,0,6,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878476567160315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234464707911155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401680602602836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27361963382595145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424459865218607,0.0,0.15164240694606546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880259864515167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501048444108905,0.0,0.0,0.512587949070852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074640138329213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743778263133955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128978231794475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119557200524074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Needforspeed619,2019/02/19,"GOAL in my life is to commit suicide I hate my life. If you ask me what is my life goal? I will say to commit suicide. nothing motivates me! Videogames, daydreaming and masturbation makes me escape my reality and give me temporary pleasure ( Due to dopamine release) for years. I don't want to loose weight, go to college, don't want to be rich, don't want to drive supercar or make my parents proud. I just want to die. I fantasize about me being dead everyday. Am I insane? I can only achieve great things in my daydreams as I know I can't achieve them in real life. I am most hopeless and useless human being to exsist on planet called ""earth""",2.7347619047619034,4.994094777777782,3.957380952380955,85.39178571428573,77.41269841269842,6.73968253968254,27.96031746031746,7.793537801064563,1.8563936507936505,506,22,97,8,12,165,78,126,0.237,0.613,0.15,-0.9175,1,0,0,0,0,7,18.0,0,1,1,6,2,7,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,3,2,18,24,6,4,5,3,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,0,2,23,4,16,20,1,9,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,3,3,61,25,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069436387386007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551936427242365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783951453554716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489297900841998,0.09768930190266586,0.0,0.0,0.18950982397609245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970622922515255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944664940146766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856452227703522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294764154385223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493351922612673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130730430162888,0.0,0.0,0.19086399885779312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564895960433384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669418214993745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37604049881355855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419637471418627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055417552445904,0.0,0.0,0.20931625615215785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069181182815126
suicidewatch,neo_neo_neo_97,2019/02/19,"Help me please I am losing it. I cannot concentrate, i feel like my mind is slipped and i just don't know what to do. It's like trying to fine-tune a radio. I am losing it. I've been holding myself together for a long time i never thought this would be back. I am afraid. 


If this keeps happening, I'll have to make the choice I'd been putting off. I've tried my best, I've fought this for far too long. 


If anyone knows what this fucked up thing is, I'll be thankful.
My symptoms are unable to eat anything ( i am forcing to eat), pain in my stomach, the feeling to puke, this feeling like my mind is shivering, my mind is going on and off with random incoherent thoughts and I'm unable to process it, feeling numb, and mood swings. This feeling is more often in the evening and nights.


And i don't have dyslexia or ADHD ( i think)  I was an avid reader before. 


If anyone has any clue what this is, please respond. I've tried to find out what, but to no avail. I'm tired and sick of this.  This ""thing"" is literally killing my relationships and me inside. My nights are literal hell.
I'd rather be dead than like this.


And I had this before last year December- January but it went away for some reason. I don't remember why or how. And I'm desperate. 


I want to know if this is progressive. If I'd have to take meds or not. If i can't, yes, I'd kill myself. That's the only good solution i have. ",0.8628160919540235,2.9344422931034515,2.5841379310344834,93.75298850574714,82.9655172413793,5.797701149425287,21.04597701149425,7.03164865440522,0.41126666666666667,1075,33,243,14,30,354,147,290,0.175,0.718,0.107,-0.9766,1,0,0,0,0,2,47.0,0,0,0,4,7,18,5,1,7,1,33,9,1,3,1,53,57,22,3,9,14,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,24,12,2,2,14,1,0,3,8,10,0,0,8,5,28,7,25,45,3,21,1,2,0,1,4,9,2,12,13,151,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266880811166695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168566565293298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741693125968006,0.0,0.08674738253426761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990406564410588,0.08105745943576098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794004282955264,0.0,0.1106263086924636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157312748196596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962546841338504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665044022228168,0.15061668068500225,0.0,0.0,0.09634719974292637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745426605813257,0.0,0.0,0.05990964911466085,0.08841691661918775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321794237042948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065730540579067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369750053750586,0.23325167252839174,0.0,0.17379961979307715,0.08592711573401537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060013484316304,0.0,0.0,0.18657752728966875,0.0,0.23586435092908145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036518462743177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709205721494495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31931663417050044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813023774343106,0.0,0.0,0.1978492612499405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017269083845881,0.11216875888133664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23142754732696494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597097028749476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838395129104993,0.0,0.11317602401259527,0.1194143970665555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109566319669637,0.07925879599987444,0.0,0.0,0.0970517670785228,0.0,0.0,0.14006579238553307,0.06754553496323065,0.0,0.16737512174449795,0.06146820630657138,0.12115878318958255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147091493125543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062176368816348526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772055774633846,0.09512044329523406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488363565931427,0.0,0.0,0.06788366256417724
suicidewatch,Snoogella,2019/02/19,"Psych ward fun times I'm on a psych ward following a failed attempt. 

You know how you're supposed to feel the ""oh no I regret it thank God I lived"" thing? That isn't kicking in. 

I shuffle around the ward knowing that if I self harm here I just delay getting off the ward and trying again. 

I feel trapped and stupid for my survival instinct and I'm the level of bored where I may actually just die from that. I just think about what happens when I leave here. 

15 minute checks throughout the night. 

A roommate complaining that her anxiety is too high. Anyone suggests anything to her she just says she's too weak. As soon as anyone isn't looking she magically recovers enough to do it. 

Already agreed to be the assistant manager when the poor manic guy buys the ward and turns it into a hotel. He's going to make millions selling his stick figure drawings to national art galleries. The girl with psychosis is going to be manager. It's going to be brilliant. 

If this ward isn't enough to send me crazier, I'm not sure what would be. ",2.4521510673234808,4.918529945812812,3.2933004926108396,88.66865353037771,79.59113300492609,5.837110016420361,25.922824302134643,7.07126945348624,1.2577691297208538,821,33,158,10,21,260,126,203,0.19,0.745,0.065,-0.9715,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,16,10,1,0,13,0,12,1,0,2,1,27,30,11,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,12,7,0,1,6,2,4,5,5,7,0,1,0,4,18,3,21,24,2,21,0,2,1,0,15,9,0,3,7,101,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.1765630652368906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996624330531605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841211866804792,0.0,0.0,0.2530230533125004,0.0,0.14889122577801986,0.16106741378916395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877783538484537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37390125537777896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296882724510505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452925227774177,0.0,0.30848265960379595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179150652236031,0.15999714687132308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911640862281668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988704648275532,0.0,0.0,0.19158035675258134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597658482481178,0.0,0.15193690923908967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077319551556945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979197623134393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438840079063209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875103655751832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052581771788666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657743602276326,0.0,0.0,0.12020286323690245,0.11593361324227555,0.0,0.0,0.10550262516273964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284062639881856,0.19680153952930504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852856164997914,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,craftboy81,2019/02/19,"Fuck, I can't even say why anymore. Everything is my fault from addiction to self blame. I once thought of ignoring everyone that look down on me but then I failed again because of how I can see myself In a mirror and felt disgusted and pathetic. My best buddy asked me my future and I just cover it up with stupid corny ass sentence while actually knowing I have no fucking future. Shit im so fucking shit idk what the FUCK im trying to do.

P.s I just want to get this off my chest before bed so good night I hope I never wake up",1.0513333333333321,3.3149265272727315,3.003181818181819,89.85810606060606,83.72727272727272,6.212121212121213,21.89393939393939,7.492282038375204,0.9237575757575756,418,14,88,7,12,140,83,110,0.35700000000000004,0.522,0.121,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,7,14,8,0,2,0,5,10,5,1,1,15,18,9,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,2,4,16,3,13,16,1,13,0,1,2,5,3,6,7,1,7,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.15054281677383094,0.16817433471029636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299189705382207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442192784611618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940400299742108,0.0,0.13127027155376547,0.0,0.16189421308547128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189222213703142,0.0,0.0,0.14740919757220033,0.1386456726825654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812098266161394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5704712342581616,0.08059839630855026,0.0,0.0,0.1293922513432131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322242581447534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332707230177803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478137799684522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295458382424108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189805984876216,0.0,0.0,0.14476958888976754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428984198024302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267969979941185,0.0,0.0,0.12293121635829925,0.0,0.1609346364384037,0.0,0.3167067229650485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247115512205654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047374992472442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099096246642213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392024148472035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Downvotus_Maximus,2019/02/19,"I'm still thinking about it. I've been thinking about my most recent attempt really often. Normally I plan everything out and set up, write out a note, then think for a while about what happens afterwards. I always stop, shred the note, and put everything away.

Last time was different, I wrote out a hasty note, set up, and just made the attempt without thinking. It scared me pretty bad because of how close I was to not being able to go back.

On the bright side I definitely won't be making another attempt any time soon.",5.212257142857143,6.470669540000002,5.557428571428571,80.66300000000003,68.6,8.914285714285715,30.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.6188714285714285,414,16,77,8,7,132,71,100,0.057,0.831,0.112,0.6711,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,3,0,23,16,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,1,7,1,15,8,1,24,0,0,1,0,2,9,0,2,11,50,10,0,0.1862797309597266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549996587166093,0.0,0.0,0.12667660485677307,0.19533053994022131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501593919043287,0.14323761474645236,0.15553579444181145,0.11355439500709665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462267123322896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348324216004225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058670639224972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472655088942734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184284315667396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762623854895595,0.12434316690143425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825145854087192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951345515817647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726258042145386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933556561792165,0.0,0.18392876136854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649850745249635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487632337717757,0.15573819613653395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774421198124949,0.0,0.0,0.2172424182890618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956701323747545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BasicallyNeymar,2019/02/19,"My best friend tried to end it all on Thursday night and i haven't stopped crying since. She was so close to dying. 
I knew her depression and BPD was bad but i thought she was getting ontop of it. I thought that she was improving. 

The fact that she thought this was the only way out of her problems breaks my heart.

My heart feels like it's been broken into tiny pieces

I feel so many awful emotions and i don't know what to do.

If she had killed herself, i would have joined her.
",2.693560606060608,4.199252434343439,2.943320707070708,96.00164772727275,75.16161616161617,5.758080808080809,23.48611111111111,5.985473137389443,0.21854444444444449,377,11,85,2,8,115,65,99,0.2,0.6709999999999999,0.129,-0.9044,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,2,1,12,2,2,0,2,20,20,7,2,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,11,2,19,3,8,8,3,10,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,5,58,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168933679117536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906545678090764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881073890115525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995592206907842,0.0,0.0,0.15647465803174748,0.0,0.18854785458761775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043576324401485,0.16090832306781186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371861892728544,0.12978720206901845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036008163798766,0.0,0.0949166256251461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305666750760244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099421802218329,0.0,0.0998427100770599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875623375110198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418787120470015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048777022749104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817047592530193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383649146328672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502817535102427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518867330172213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326841220052756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233440175026172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420354296215493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905526145944268,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JazRose35,2019/02/19,"I even failed at this... I tried to do it... everything was right... I set the noose up in my closet, took my last breath and kicked the chair out... after a while I started to lose consciousness and then.... I didn't secure the end of the rope enough to support the dead weight and the whole thing came crashing down. I set it up again but couldn't kick the chair out the second time...

I am even more of a failure than before..... ",2.4027408637873755,3.874555453488373,2.785149501661131,96.97662790697676,75.86046511627906,5.84451827242525,19.2624584717608,6.18269132825596,-0.3176890365448499,323,6,75,2,7,99,59,86,0.155,0.823,0.022,-0.8803,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,10,0,5,2,1,0,0,9,9,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,1,9,2,14,4,3,20,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,8,55,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122202298367515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28524608247429506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089354043708032,0.2576958961977239,0.0,0.3294514522527149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224143792606644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032935196814869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790137528657955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129854334281542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652593739085773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830150962891184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568965266548238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454265967363772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27709153078629944,0.16932558986649832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037008649871071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784451424737937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zinniaice,2019/02/19,"Suicial and Pregnant,married..No one sees me.. I am 26 years old. Married.  I have a decent life.. but my crippling depression and panic attacks,bipolar since I was a child haunts me so bad. I am 20 weeks pregnant with my 5th pregnancy after losing the other 4 to misscarriages. I have been doing so good up until a week ago it came back after 19 weeks. I tried to kill myself a week before finding out I was pregnant with our unborn son. I feel like after 26 years of constant torment from inside my head that it has been way too long of me suffering. I can barely function at my now easy job without crying the whole time. I am trying to push back my panic attacks because I dont want the choppy breathing or hyperventilating to hurt the the baby. I want to end it all but I don't want my poor baby to die. My husband although he takes good care of me refuses me any time alone sometimes. I have removed some of my support group from my life due to them being Male (friend of 16 years  I once had a fling with) because he does not like any type of ""conflict of interest"". Since being pregnant my best girl friend had been moody because of things,she has been worse since finding out I too will have a boy. (She wanted to be the only one in our group with a boy). I am rambling here but I need it out. I feel I will fail as a mother due to this untreatable illness that is inside of my head,eating at my brain. That I wont be able to take care of him by working. My husband wanted a baby so bad that I eventually wanted a baby..but now the hormones and this evil growing feeling is consuming me..Too scared to take medication..no one *sees* me..I regret not ending things and I want to hurt myself..",2.403972868217057,4.215314087209304,3.940720930232562,87.2329612403101,76.73255813953489,5.865736434108528,24.548062015503874,6.588339656340683,0.8385929457364338,1322,45,265,11,30,439,171,344,0.244,0.626,0.129,-0.9941,1,1,0,0,0,3,45.0,2,0,1,4,11,27,3,3,17,0,31,6,3,0,1,37,51,14,2,9,7,4,3,2,2,3,3,0,0,5,12,12,0,2,5,0,1,4,6,16,0,3,9,5,48,11,42,35,4,37,0,7,2,0,21,7,0,2,27,178,60,4,0.08768828621539773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773037492151383,0.0,0.0,0.09081861911570556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926208317186265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975808466203337,0.0,0.13485375884951534,0.1464321124953899,0.16036189615097832,0.0,0.07461627302184876,0.0,0.09202344644571868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788912767379283,0.0,0.10029203900442156,0.17880810382904175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947598855644533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632146488290684,0.0,0.0,0.07552579242641758,0.0,0.09100659689661413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673661018802756,0.0,0.10277001837616788,0.0,0.0,0.08972700820300443,0.0,0.0,0.1553315886491575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301349674611565,0.06264452919322817,0.0,0.0,0.16029100998725002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549550481963488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709754826983015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998695945636733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774424801171247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701709354425315,0.0,0.09701409659686604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387365960929228,0.08568013467684027,0.0,0.0,0.0776013739111821,0.0,0.09810076248008796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501975313447722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201410562561478,0.09338516298332863,0.17825955639071372,0.06669089305232041,0.0,0.20576662075409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779127184682609,0.0,0.13975242214596756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760996950937164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672595725070106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950762804402832,0.0,0.0,0.1977920348763332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058256200974304666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226348972543288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906918065995085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620457619449797,0.06960288004402594,0.28135301570441923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790084003025692,0.0,0.0845283787478526,0.0,0.0638381167272579,0.0,0.0893618550733641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940514404796472
suicidewatch,gusoliv3ira,2019/02/19,"How can I stop to think about suicide? I'm depressed since my 15y.. Now I have 22 and can't take off this thought from me..

My therapist, every session, tell me a bunch of thinks that I just can't do and my suicidal intentios are only growing 

My question is: is there a way to get rid of this or this is a condition that i'll have to live with?",2.90054054054054,3.335736081081084,4.3738918918918905,90.06435135135138,73.32432432432431,8.082162162162161,28.313513513513517,8.238735603445708,1.6142897297297294,266,10,63,4,5,89,52,74,0.197,0.7809999999999999,0.022,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,0,11,16,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,0,9,15,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147424235893531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006625037955004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026151635066488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015768825403434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962216145360533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792999765409608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624341587312867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844605490410772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454400485814455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874606434501391,0.0,0.2179201935378396,0.0,0.0,0.2894844180236435,0.0,0.3195135451316002,0.0,0.19793543179623027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790181167599466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ravioliwizard,2019/02/19,I don't know who to talk to It's my mom's birthday and I just want to be dead. I have the access to the gun and everything but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to talk to someone but I don't know who because I'd hate to annoy my mom on her birthday.,-2.111751152073733,-0.5533872903225792,1.3771889400921675,100.96435483870968,91.258064516129,4.188018433179724,16.921658986175114,5.288315135182226,-0.8840857142857144,196,5,54,1,7,71,33,62,0.221,0.735,0.043,-0.9127,0,0,0,1,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,12,4,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,9,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564874442139246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442202709380735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682846635151907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867980304438946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6365116842943557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230242422294379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368248468957331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205558035315453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oofmychesthurts,2019/02/19,"I don't know what's wrong. I'm planning on killing myself tonight. I don't even know what's wrong. I don't know what I'm crying about. Hell, I even managed to finish a tough requirement at school this morning. I should be celebrating. I should be happy. I don't know why I'm like this. I have a wonderful SO but I feel so fucking alone. I just don't see a future for myself. ",-0.7107744107744125,1.4502609753086446,1.558361391694728,97.00535353535356,93.56790123456793,4.426936026936027,18.47474747474748,6.11248444174946,-0.2312074074074073,293,9,68,3,11,98,44,81,0.17,0.657,0.173,-0.203,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,3,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,0,11,21,3,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,2,12,2,5,17,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,4,41,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260395984962248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397357002418383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28830211710648784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035298595458536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176719716127056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323295586074529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414595999889775,0.0,0.4797746139018107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066251801119173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22087910715227527,0.17391577684364135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969353011695619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668115991174135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47724088962514705,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diffydoo,2019/02/19,"Imagine if the only thing you had in your life was a crappy job, with a few extra fun little hobbies that you only have two days to get into (while being *fucking* tired from the week before). No friends, no family, just you and that job. Man, if that ended up being the rest of my life, I would totally feel like killing myself lol! Hopefully this shit is just temporary lol!",6.470479452054793,6.0168332739726065,6.8836643835616425,78.21535958904111,65.57534246575344,9.491780821917807,29.20890410958904,8.841846274778883,2.194345205479451,291,8,55,4,4,95,58,73,0.207,0.609,0.184,-0.5056,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,0,0,2,7,3,0,5,2,7,5,1,0,1,12,11,4,1,4,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,7,4,7,6,4,8,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,3,5,44,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173171846087452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773451086178384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915898230539666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133410036820001,0.0,0.10798703983818378,0.15257392900238032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650030880488076,0.19744134850016232,0.11158112871233172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212247388856512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238690919509552,0.0,0.2362827540892489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017005824753848,0.10433915741290098,0.21405251497761807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248581069317068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922578635398351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188593299162006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24546645830076216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862614374422772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713123859159438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171348164841095,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,novaeroxursox,2019/02/19,"I’m here again It’s like an endless cycle. No matter what I do, I end up here again. In this subreddit, in this mindset. I’m getting so tired of this cycle. ",-1.406470588235294,0.6005407058823522,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,97.8235294117647,3.896470588235295,18.564705882352946,5.6839178017228535,-0.2398047058823529,120,4,27,1,5,42,24,34,0.172,0.7240000000000001,0.104,-0.5173,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5474896279008397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229532634133195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30199256610108416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7104623755072251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garethwalker7,2019/02/19,"I don't expect anyone to see this, but I just have to vent to someone, somewhere. Things have gone drastically worse for me. Everything seems horrendously empty and meaningless. Obviously in the grand scheme of the universe it means absolutely nothing but even on an individual level it has started to feel really unnecessary for me to continue living at all. I don't think I could tell anyone this because they'd relate it to something stupid to me being online too much. I have a lot of ""friends"" but no one I would ever even come close to tell about this. I started to use this substance a few months prior. I had no subscription for it and was absolutely not supposed to be using it. I think one of the side effects were a mood boost because I can remember it as one of the few times I ever felt happy. Not having a subscription, when it ran out, I can no longer get more. I don't feel like I'm anything. Or like I really matter to anyone. Life's just not worth living when you're in my skin. People say life is worth living for those few moments of happiness. For me they seem to be getting further and further apart and I don't think they'll ever come back. i want to talk to someone. I really just want to talk to someone. Therapy has never worked as they also seem to just ask me to not feel this way than trying to understand why I feel this way. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I slowly am getting detached from everyone I know, putting myself in a corner, trying to make sure no one approaches me, everyone's fading away. I'm not consciously doing. If you're reading this, please try to talk to me. Even 5 minutes of yours would help more than you could ever imagine.",4.435959979736578,5.774720036474168,5.5374050151975664,79.77818452380953,70.51975683890578,8.27968591691996,28.29799898682877,8.72156446121922,2.1871853090172246,1328,48,249,23,24,440,168,329,0.133,0.774,0.093,-0.9169,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,4,2,17,10,1,0,10,0,27,3,1,4,8,60,60,14,0,8,14,0,6,2,1,3,2,1,0,0,16,8,0,0,18,1,2,7,14,1,0,4,6,8,36,8,46,45,8,39,0,0,1,0,15,14,0,6,18,180,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881564375347586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534032527319292,0.1805083902506157,0.0,0.07081335115721002,0.0,0.08044687575977255,0.0,0.08084855794502854,0.0661685709844722,0.0,0.10491283396370528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825212084808145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741082100746765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050933181625236,0.3113553465918361,0.0,0.16445248554106565,0.07733786581055523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404163001314013,0.06147546812301341,0.0826232832166278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648345589491238,0.0,0.13487564027752974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320761658825924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767874987520202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729185345557842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156195138928838,0.08408118723112652,0.0,0.22795611472345734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315821668104593,0.0,0.0,0.05744028675788462,0.0,0.0,0.09373570577787643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868577606599277,0.0,0.06325802056114921,0.0,0.06636850167666529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513816676509616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23324387764104915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965752686597502,0.0,0.0,0.09445910468735144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650589000162957,0.0,0.0,0.08607514985880349,0.0,0.1653810807699971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974799859737566,0.0,0.0,0.06843189532852398,0.0,0.0,0.0685721936407901,0.2350151525867775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187343928196897,0.06624692825303162,0.0,0.0,0.1218159030794588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110286249795752,0.0,0.0,0.2074956836844936,0.15042624230728552,0.0,0.0984078048376663,0.0,0.0571690341053895,0.16541567757033104,0.0,0.0,0.05017753332755149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752706991583249,0.0,0.0,0.08958302416762294,0.0,0.14864236141229695,0.0,0.0,0.10151123665161926,0.13660792693383306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764842184874071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264678113861513,0.0,0.08769420001594949,0.12225754905692653,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeckerF1,2019/02/19,Please help The only person that ever made me feel better has left me. I haven’t cried this much in i don’t know how long. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying not to melt down but all I can think about is cutting and ending it. I’m so lost,-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210515,1.5711403508771935,100.71881578947368,86.89473684210527,3.8,13.008771929824562,3.1291,-1.6425649122807022,192,2,49,0,6,65,44,57,0.13699999999999998,0.764,0.099,-0.4744,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,2,11,15,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,5,13,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604736147183334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228847059334934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288503586790073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23262582499944284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375777580207153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280138180828288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604564342043538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28868603387368696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853649439262386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324328719505038,0.0,0.0,0.2867084280997109,0.0,0.0,0.2485213829866009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307455441191007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975362579065195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293317910553381,0.0,0.2883057260703989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829253669507932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831895381943613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tryingtocopesomehow,2019/02/19,"At what point did it take some of you to stop caring about how your parents or other loved ones/friends would feel in regards to your own suicide? I'm asking because I really don't want to wait until my parents die before I make an honest attempt. If I had to wait for their death, I'd probably be waiting for years, if not decades. Is there any chance of erasing empathy? I care a lot about whether I inflict pain on others, but my life is pretty much going nowhere. I hate waking up every day and I feel like a burden on society. For the record, **pretty much nothing interests me**, so death wouldn't really be a problem for *me*. My only real liability is my family, who technically rely heavily on me for certain personal/business duties and emotional support. I also understand how trivial my problems may seem to others in this subreddit, but the thing is I'm not getting any younger, and I would prefer to seek answers to this kind of stuff while I'm still relatively young. ",4.233333333333333,6.023719952380954,5.619238095238099,77.2174285714286,71.69841269841271,8.214603174603175,31.11851851851852,8.841846274778883,2.8162702645502646,777,35,136,15,15,261,126,189,0.14800000000000002,0.696,0.156,0.3701,2,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,3,1,1,8,14,1,0,6,0,13,4,1,3,1,36,34,15,4,9,8,2,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,5,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,2,21,9,25,26,5,16,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,7,8,98,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899538942503917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185371103930367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274178089923233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308441634668973,0.0,0.11597735452346235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779245064059489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789926343965035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145311638872485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331399039095164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483476055001975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848718173042645,0.0,0.13783010813215446,0.09736946750303394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530149498488674,0.0,0.07120872587568831,0.0,0.07745982192753233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345634991728257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193069488796814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626947819022567,0.06658705234529882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587348285743874,0.12301192805202385,0.0,0.09097824393374693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003856160968148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077912095089264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365880033636177,0.14502792483647536,0.0,0.3026798446903005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884321618072778,0.0,0.0,0.2773228603028112,0.14694950326222386,0.2608325988470697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513401443239405,0.1746286582416731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407822155838892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884568977714784,0.11394906492242382,0.0,0.0,0.15602563504280287,0.14908505592895324,0.15466641508711948,0.0,0.0,0.10247718547960052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054861359275652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418883276018118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039056358679852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364069625429414,0.0,0.0,0.08776977484788978
suicidewatch,throwaway81837e792,2019/02/19,"This site is the best thing I have on my last days This site is the only thing that keeps me happy on my last days on this earth, thank you. Wish I could hang in longer, wish I could be with all of you few more days, few more months, more years..
But there's no other direction I could possibly run to. Every ray of light has gone, and to go is the best way.
Thank you so much, hope this site will always gives joy to people",1.2033333333333331,2.8020108333333336,1.9086111111111101,101.41625000000002,79.55555555555556,5.3888888888888875,13.472222222222221,5.985473137389443,-1.2551111111111113,325,2,82,2,8,100,58,90,0.021,0.703,0.276,0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,2,2,7,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,0,1,11,19,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,10,7,10,13,9,19,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,7,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661506133215853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34460402779342264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932650555388051,0.0,0.0,0.3176572007738203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833293234550725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750119972479815,0.09331011145818532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477797110995194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307273767738392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593515982333666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676653549105586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310508897881272,0.0,0.12069485642572145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487008067300667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382519680397135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509390300292253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023189531949596,0.0,0.0,0.2181544190646045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303224000817114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776092633399549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572974827360712
suicidewatch,Eggstasy,2019/02/19,"Tried to overdose on metformin, didn’t take enough, gonna try again with some antihistamines What the title says, I hope it works",5.17625,7.457937458333337,3.84,88.905,70.25,6.466666666666668,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8338999999999999,105,3,20,1,2,30,24,24,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356377703206467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187557223641281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33528268486703305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31699965938174096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5724935749156967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069384660120202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unescapingfailure77,2019/02/19,"TIL Nobody actually takes your mental illness and suicidal thoughts seriously, even your doctors and therapists. Everybody thinks you're just being immature or finding excuses for your failures. The only time they realise that you're really in trouble and need supports and helps is when it's all too late.

You might think the ""professionals"" would act totally different. But the truth is that the therapist I met literally told me to grow up and be responsible, and that the doctor I saw more or less implied he couldn't help and wouldn't care as long as it's my life not his child's.

I'm trying to gather the courage to off myself within one or two days. Don't want to live through a life I'm incapable of living through while nobody cares at all.",8.846448692152913,7.874960767605637,8.608752515090547,69.47316901408452,61.04225352112676,12.33963782696177,38.59557344064386,11.491704259439757,4.448531991951709,607,26,108,15,7,196,103,142,0.154,0.743,0.104,-0.7708,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,1,0,4,7,0,0,7,0,9,5,0,0,4,27,23,16,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,4,1,11,5,16,13,5,14,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,4,7,72,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.15542467003660598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247730207977772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271605653766057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640338494916107,0.0,0.32603944993377176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051964174998588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145570011664736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351081919482387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796636418189673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249944033132307,0.0,0.0,0.2812768821584089,0.1409490514327518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050682839417912,0.16896043666793367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809678188411153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792556074609104,0.12113210940938185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203252240766927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421566955714599,0.18073785393518468,0.0,0.0,0.11975131492165378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698497889439019,0.0,0.20410773408534302,0.0,0.12644269106805045,0.09287169251346028,0.0,0.0,0.1521894327740701,0.0,0.1081339622163358,0.0,0.1555837723021385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394164810203832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314092932134792,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRealKingRoach,2019/02/19,I’m not a suicide watch but how do I give advice to someone in a shit situation ready to commit like it’s so hard I just have to say something like “Ily but I don’t want to give cookie cutter advice” or something like that ,0.6400000000000006,2.676641333333336,2.904,91.34100000000001,83.58333333333334,4.673333333333334,20.016666666666666,5.6839178017228535,-0.10446333333333337,176,5,38,1,5,60,34,48,0.111,0.479,0.41,0.9565,0,0,2,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,8,7,5,1,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,5,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4602211618318547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451792164430805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094588986116392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451342754168501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872649787455942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417191998415737,0.0,0.2646919746568689,0.0,0.0,0.1995233909843989,0.3625715626231933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575794189271424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889356332120228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faraway278,2019/02/19,"Trigger warnings all around. I’m sorry I’m so fucking sick of feeling numb all the time. 
Either the thoughts of me being useless keep turning in my head over and over and all I want to do is slit my wrists or I’m desperately trying to make jokes and be happy in order to fucking feel something for once. 
I skip out on doing my homework because it makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit and so I can watch something that might make me laugh. It works but I can’t feel it like I want to. 
I just swallowed ten Tylenol pills and I still don’t feel anything. I’m just going to sleep. If I never wake up who cares. I won’t care. My parents have another better, smarter kid who isn’t nearly as fucked up as me. None of it matters. They’ll be okay. It probably won’t even work. It never worked before.",0.6765931295304135,2.9440349700598816,2.1816073116924057,95.07655846202331,85.52694610778444,4.234352347935707,21.963126378821308,5.399115186594226,0.007414371257485008,628,22,135,3,19,203,103,167,0.123,0.69,0.187,0.9115,2,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,7,16,4,0,3,1,15,13,5,4,5,33,38,12,0,3,6,1,5,2,0,4,4,0,1,1,9,7,1,1,6,1,0,1,8,7,0,1,1,6,18,9,22,30,6,16,0,2,1,3,5,10,4,3,6,89,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406800683776726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040351291992154,0.1194322110408433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178362717408408,0.0,0.11416158577084745,0.0,0.0,0.11865497617319855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735732549362859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861242929717457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391805188173812,0.1916900564163257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720905348677336,0.0,0.0,0.0762470927286552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428174499193326,0.0,0.0,0.13768844165933802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192489376503148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310890995708634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686616014169142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232418844754965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069472948983436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287765740489533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148970508909686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446488272610149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771488887021074,0.0,0.0,0.13425842597309873,0.0,0.0,0.20656821008375653,0.0,0.15018285571535614,0.0,0.0,0.10714157604592647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065092736872636,0.07823067060785584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910868764283847,0.14592922583952309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582639000137642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930135884463525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GullibleNight,2019/02/19,"I’m at the point where I don’t care how my family is going to feel Because it’s my life. I should be able to choose if I want to live or die. There should be services that allow people assisted painless suicide if they wanted to die starting at age 18. 

It’s not my family’s life. It’s my life. I should be able to die because life is trash. 

It’s this stupid sorry ass generation is the problem. Everything is so bad. The first country that allows assisted suicide for younger ppl is the first country I move too. ",2.4546436058700216,4.152536896226419,4.0316352201257875,87.13527253668764,76.26415094339623,6.975262054507338,25.928721174004195,7.793537801064563,1.4335840670859543,405,15,84,6,9,135,61,106,0.293,0.639,0.069,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,1,0,4,0,12,5,1,3,0,15,19,5,5,8,4,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,0,1,10,1,8,13,0,10,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,4,52,17,1,0.2985885775326632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246544950932791,0.1820168254649325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221547734003738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464831703633129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341760801918675,0.0,0.2814827371949142,0.0,0.07548767819171985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539792915152378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084847384794141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42180388524926016,0.0,0.0,0.1318295921788362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867620203352648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350186192654244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113135906287472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428544717152707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712273337046002,0.10567126600229672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266074409335505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611527919205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aviator612,2019/02/19,"need someone to talk to i've been thinking about suicide for a long time (since i was grade 5 and i'm now a freshie at the state university) i never understood if it was because of emotions or if there was something wrong with me. now, ive been going through a lot of stress and these thoughts that used to come up every once in a while have been coming up every week. i wanna know if theres anyone here i can talk to. im starting to run out of reasons to keep on going",3.092757142857142,3.824736590000001,4.259428571428575,89.96900000000002,73.1,6.514285714285713,27.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.905271428571428,369,13,82,2,7,121,70,100,0.111,0.889,0.0,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,2,1,21,22,7,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,8,0,6,0,20,14,1,20,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,5,8,56,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242389798704993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544864814638132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32628051860015683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130350517082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319133682311566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152661623060033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457061981860936,0.0,0.0,0.16833599976333086,0.0,0.0,0.10408222413803288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760166711760066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101018145308524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042817119946555,0.14606704458527126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169113265917832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947215314625799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566630066495316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046711668525945,0.14579947984836042,0.0,0.0,0.1340491987674206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694233920178307,0.0,0.0,0.20715880212729035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044444328691788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135163790236915,0.0,0.15035224148317114,0.11043316953938896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356968956030907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191494719731444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207065116838235,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adoomeh22,2019/02/19,"Tomorrow. Todays the day. February 19th. I will not coward out this time. I will be free finally. I feel uncomfortably at ease. I have unconditional love for everyone who struggles on their way through the waves of life, I just wish I could tell you that everything will be okay and things will get better. But what a silly thing to think. Im choosing to not suffer anymore. Good luck to you all. ",1.5726909090909091,4.319908426666672,2.802424242424241,87.11454545454548,91.4,6.460606060606061,21.484848484848484,7.686295010490155,1.3572666666666673,312,11,60,7,11,100,60,75,0.086,0.61,0.304,0.954,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,1,1,9,0,1,3,1,8,2,0,0,1,13,13,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,8,9,6,1,9,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,5,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428546770576221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165760304403924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551636610924492,0.0,0.0,0.15792702832098898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399286995654384,0.2200819174947281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381844021603508,0.0,0.0,0.2682535382558224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793943917166575,0.0,0.0,0.20539331833149307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645118969365093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296564286949934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210133223542824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560012373474557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403548896480928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32537413633978063,0.1569089049364463,0.0,0.0,0.14279121403394046,0.0,0.2321171465085064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437396021648667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815993562265485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kitcat536,2019/02/19,"I've had enough of trying to cope I have had endless negative things happen in my life. Deaths of family, friends and now my partner has said he can't be with me out of the blue. I have no job and I feel so low. I'm really scared and feel alone and struggling to not give up.",0.3689999999999998,2.211936566666669,2.273333333333337,96.57500000000002,83.33333333333334,6.0,18.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.011333333333333416,214,5,52,3,6,71,46,60,0.249,0.7040000000000001,0.046,-0.9106,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,13,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,4,6,1,9,9,1,5,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971627552029807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964652239090157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704827916402572,0.0,0.2901509077993528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216738039064636,0.0,0.0,0.2752399619534066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537225499501731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847239863273149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266019426961146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380840152872174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729267762483851,0.0,0.2872571338211987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999512483137481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061700516639102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479995472951184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrimePikachu,2019/02/19,"uhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm IDK So I thought about how I was/am suicidal and all the things I've been told. and found this subreddit and everyone here gets told the same or similar things like get over it, you'll change, and something along the lines of time heals all wounds basically all non-supportive but not against you like being apathetic to your feelings. and I just want whoever who reads this I know that being told someone else having the same problem doesn't help that much and that there are plenty of edgy people out there that make it sound like nothing but it hurts so much hell I might be one those edgy people but no matter what you do somebody cares and that killing yourself just means you'll never be able to see that the most beautiful thing in the world somebody that cares or somebody might not be able to see it for themselves and you get to show them you care. and that is beautiful even if don't see it. Look I am going to be honest I myself don't know how to ""get over it"" or stop ""being silly"" which are terms my parents use to try to get me over it but I feel like that if I help somebody I help myself like Buddhist karma but without the religion the idea that helping somebody else is enough to help myself get through until I can find somebody who cares or find some one for me to care about. I know that your parents don't look like they're helping but they're doing their best and even if it doesn't help the thought that they made an attempt should help even the faintest way. and if there isn't some one out there to show you love you have time to show somebody else love and I don't know if that is going to help you but the thought of having meaning even if I don't believe it helps a little. Man I am seriously self doubting if this is helping anybody and I am seriously doubting it is helping me but I want somebody out there to get help from this or look for help because of me even if I don't know it I can at least dream. fuck I might be selfish I am so scared that somebody hurts themselves because of me which isn't too far off from why I am here but I desperately want to believe in my own personal redemption even if people still think of me as annoying, an asshole, some dick, and the kid from UP.

Man I am not even sure I should post this I am going to do it anyways because IDK",4.92311509021323,5.650794512711871,5.823064516129032,80.43292509568073,68.91525423728814,7.615746309458721,28.57326407873155,7.4822170145007005,1.4171531437944225,1878,63,393,18,31,619,182,472,0.172,0.653,0.175,0.5936,2,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,11,3,2,26,30,4,3,15,0,48,6,1,5,5,93,95,44,2,15,29,2,2,6,0,7,2,1,0,5,40,18,0,1,17,5,0,3,16,13,0,3,9,9,51,17,47,71,16,26,2,2,6,4,42,14,3,23,13,283,91,1,0.11695662381307866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069435084864766,0.0,0.0,0.1317700642911916,0.061369380520775924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981126818195093,0.0,0.061862300049672365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465533774744738,0.0,0.0,0.06042372843757567,0.0,0.2703706144452208,0.0,0.0,0.05587853305969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591367831532398,0.041776917710550886,0.0,0.0,0.10689623531726243,0.0,0.0,0.06411845063030296,0.0,0.05406225705063148,0.21386753057495966,0.0,0.09970371686913906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487549172145947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520448474633014,0.06601489613789349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469758784185785,0.0,0.16069075441928385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714172960634307,0.058610631334118035,0.0,0.0,0.1473211615868719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555791928276652,0.05533359267239655,0.039034727289148856,0.0,0.0,0.12740005034160282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610874304551026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597657570422501,0.0,0.045102079215898684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056111517443118236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887925273543573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986648986115693,0.0,0.0,0.12162449510954533,0.051061006343149966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056006057908011234,0.0,0.0,0.055955846826027014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849413696824572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854699184244051,0.0,0.13979893013083866,0.0,0.06100563296445252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495484839091159,0.04501946149748179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670085542807727,0.048890487239339066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396578181166174,0.06636049535219203,0.055115116909519056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655117592435807,0.03747054101896713,0.0,0.139275742688896,0.06819834788566027,0.0,0.0,0.1676355991790996,0.0,0.03970293516733147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050506485681390385,0.0,0.0,0.10347607044988237,0.0464173620500439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052767580776088806,0.0,0.0,0.05637100587447709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,altb9371,2019/02/19,"Endgame: Side Story I posted this earlier in r/depression, not sure where it might be suitable to post, but here we are.  
I didn't know where else to post this, I'm not even sure why I am. Just wanted to get it off my chest, I guess.
For over a decade now, since I was in my late teens, I have had issues with depression. I've always tried to keep it to myself. I didn't want to tell the people around me partly because I didn't think they'd care, because I didn't want to break character, because I didn't want them to pity me, and because I didn't think talking about it would actually make a difference.
I've had trouble with suicidal thoughts almost since the beginning - I guess that how you realise it's really depression and not just a bad day.
I struggled with it for quite some time, but I could never justify it with myself logically. Knowing that I'm prone to indecisiveness, I told myself ""what if you're just having an off day, What if tomorrow you feel different"". Eventually, I seemed to reach a breakthrough of sorts. I accepted that my death (barring some freak accident) would eventually come at my own hand. Somehow that realisation was freeing. I found myself thinking about it less. I decided that I would no longer seek out death but I would also not go out of my way to avoid it should it come looking for me.
However, on my weaker days, when the thoughts returned, I found that while the big things in life were making me feel this way, it was the little things that kept me going. I found myself not wanting to miss out on seemingly insignificant things like how a certain show might end. One thing that has especially grabbed my attention over the past 10 years is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. As a fan of cinema and a bit of a nerd, the MCU has captivated me and kept me wondering how it will ultimately unfold. When I had a bad day I would think (amongst other things) ""but how does it end?"". This, ultimately, has kept me going - focus on the little things.
The problem is, lately, ending my own life has started to seem more and more logical. It's starting to make sense. Starting to seem as though it is the right decision.
When these thoughts strike me, I try to think of the those little things that kept me going. While some of them still stand, the most prevalent one, the culmination of 11 years of cinema (as silly as it may seem) is what I use to try and keep myself going.
In the last few weeks I've had several very bad days, and I have been telling myself ""You need to see Endgame first, just keep going until Endgame"", in the vain hope that by then something will have changed.
With that date creeping closer and closer I realise how unlikely that change is, which only makes me less and less hopeful. What worries me is that if I haven't pulled myself out of this nosedive by that time, I may not have the strength or reasoning to stop myself. If that turns out to be the case, then I truly apologise, but I also thank you for reading this far.
All I can say is that if you are having trouble, please, look for the things that keep you going. Sometimes the little things make all the difference.",5.88185766358464,6.237194939144738,6.053846017069702,80.92746266002845,66.71381578947367,9.270341394025603,30.083748221906124,9.142720283898788,2.3287033605974394,2465,83,487,41,37,785,266,608,0.14,0.763,0.097,-0.9826,2,1,1,0,0,0,82.0,1,6,3,3,25,28,0,3,31,0,53,5,2,12,6,129,122,40,3,21,21,0,4,1,0,12,2,1,0,0,56,23,1,10,28,5,1,10,15,16,0,3,26,8,73,13,67,80,16,85,0,4,3,0,15,31,0,28,38,351,129,1,0.0,0.0,0.05500115167176453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643837072974201,0.0,0.0,0.09014529288515688,0.04689767347544421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017410205985545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411796702368013,0.13743093327659753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153267279399381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057464783974090376,0.0,0.1192469802625532,0.09710169175029296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045000446227324485,0.0,0.0,0.18174403726972133,0.0,0.14563344456934516,0.0,0.0,0.17665878548357036,0.0,0.0,0.04932273910331325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708319309465454,0.0,0.1497599268981176,0.0,0.0,0.03722654912423674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699661027639584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047941462247665816,0.0,0.1853939704142408,0.0,0.0,0.029446802676261295,0.0,0.22422264189001465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417812685695265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119603055441513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588272525929382,0.0,0.20038843176570187,0.0,0.0,0.061950128608943014,0.04594252746687958,0.12715751252692686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796202513990513,0.027535611220300373,0.2259580000182153,0.0,0.0,0.09465971808301236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811026064605293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195822851225854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179168603559195,0.04346982528729034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638465803990993,0.04286581737877932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103452025902927,0.05380387713454745,0.0390742928410504,0.0,0.0,0.06186851704980888,0.0,0.0,0.16193755994953662,0.0,0.0,0.05393079271769683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994789202447669,0.05637722159478956,0.0,0.03610692072934884,0.05794949145705849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813281377905778,0.0,0.04482130014779239,0.0,0.0,0.04491319227987671,0.2565490999677286,0.0,0.06367298245065355,0.0,0.0932464067767336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043390197521838,0.05574342875558519,0.0,0.11967987577620795,0.0,0.04501074144515077,0.04712113001112826,0.0,0.05892176775086854,0.0,0.06165084643675814,0.0,0.1062409779946832,0.0,0.0,0.04530161592605355,0.09852569074977886,0.051890528811839975,0.0,0.0,0.3369994915450021,0.18057237047960475,0.05537534861831955,0.1342353236635208,0.06573023503595983,0.0,0.0,0.05385627695316953,0.0,0.11479823226252515,0.06130563779216984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048678645122665336,0.0,0.04650452733043668,0.1662187487462196,0.08947501550664841,0.04521017202713422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085791070051129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112215140606401,0.0,0.05723831564386118,0.0,0.2001896292403973,0.0,0.0,0.0725905205886598
suicidewatch,alielantha,2019/02/19,fuckhead im fucked up. i just want a gun to my head. wanna be gone,-4.044583333333332,-2.973884625,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,114.0,2.1333333333333333,11.583333333333332,3.1291,-2.033891666666667,50,1,14,0,3,18,15,16,0.514,0.425,0.061,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499713439503669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547421257512986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5838676844123694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188199796049192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pokeisbaee,2019/02/19,"25 with a masters degree and feel I have no future at all I’ve been applying for jobs of all sorts for the past year and can barely land interviews for the most basic entry level jobs like receptionist or customer service representative. 

I know so many people who only finished high school who are landing great jobs and I just feel like I seriously fucked up by going to school for what I studied.  

I just know my parents are embarrassed of me and that my boyfriend will leave me. I seriously feel that I will still be unemployed by 30 and if I am I def have to kill myself. 

I got my resume assessed and was told I have great experience and education but unfortunately you need connections. I have exhausted all my connections and nobody has been able to really help me. 

I just feel like I really fucked up my life path and am ashamed.  I don’t feel like I’d be good at any job.  I feel like everyone somehow looks down on me. My friends who I’ve gone above and beyond for to help them with every project or assignment or test they needed help with are all landing great jobs but aren’t willing to put in a few minutes to connect me with any employment opportunities. 

My boyfriend is more and more frustrated with me as I get crazy panic attacks and bouts of psychosis at night when I get really fucked up abut this job situation.

I really want to kill myself. 

I can do more schooling and completely change my path but that’s probably at least another 2 years of being unemployed and racking up debt and I’m not sure I can mentally get through that ",5.8564412687347485,6.480179178807951,6.5115963750435695,76.68793482049496,66.81456953642386,10.198954339491113,31.7887765772046,10.186864033877496,3.1251496688741724,1240,48,238,29,19,407,159,302,0.184,0.675,0.141,-0.9453,14,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,2,2,8,25,7,3,4,0,26,5,0,0,5,50,49,25,2,4,11,1,6,5,1,3,2,0,0,0,9,20,0,0,8,0,1,3,4,13,0,0,6,7,41,12,37,37,10,28,0,0,1,3,13,17,3,7,13,158,50,17,0.08477612808957223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530134839642545,0.08889516206869344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644508438110973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968190260533351,0.0,0.08888615736858275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142754427988751,0.0810072233907419,0.0,0.08292732053518145,0.0,0.0,0.2571921455983596,0.2422563313850469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549782626572523,0.2351224930634429,0.13287608376345128,0.0,0.04818022725994238,0.0711061940653791,0.06780321407991698,0.28039794151433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047095496306622,0.08957063385904783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047633557464504,0.0,0.187584450205525,0.0,0.09318148582148687,0.0,0.0,0.08976567894028838,0.0,0.0,0.059879886397628125,0.2070866698846528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119059618178779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594968774337189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854343975561623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572084956799848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955665331964955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447606557075912,0.0,0.09946652027590913,0.09413385766511356,0.0,0.08092840688033875,0.058773092907306014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140300463811228,0.0,0.0,0.08522342405371643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723903388401852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573939028243537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529191995320636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770232540212137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799004974401568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810072233907419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000315682096989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918609399028917
suicidewatch,IcecreamMostlyIMH,2019/02/19,"Been here for 2 years, things just get worse If i distract myself with something i always end up coming back to all this shit, paranoia, anxienty, sadness...  I just personally dont like to experience those things.. It makes day to day tasks hard, i can't stand to be around people...
I daydream sometimes hours on end, it's sometimes the only thing that gets me going........ I really wonder how life it is for people who dont have to struggle with this shit ",6.4348275862068975,6.423688574712646,6.522436781609198,79.29124137931036,65.55172413793103,8.799080459770115,30.043678160919534,8.238735603445708,2.045544367816092,354,11,67,4,5,113,64,87,0.21600000000000005,0.762,0.022,-0.9464,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,2,1,0,7,3,2,2,1,11,13,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,1,8,1,12,11,1,13,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,2,8,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405070661162516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341593806884922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387835966291802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877607808334558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779637720162972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776233278947529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853791035541746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758977058504114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833946819442014,0.0,0.0915586191815796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431675710037534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865412744800167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379190234486325,0.07870684977575633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753758765327123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225261869785284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337724571497025,0.14066903566704686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320678785640554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33074008764041624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402505725291263,0.3186702222042455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841996663108846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210892753064444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470946804846826,0.0,0.0,0.1641778489137537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374513123034404
suicidewatch,littlekidfarmer,2019/02/19,"Life will eventually feel stale and boring no matter how much I achieve Why can't I just end it now. Not successful, nor failure or a bum. Not earning average, or earning big bucks, or being homeless. I am bored. I yearn for adventure yet I yearn for rest. I want to put in the hours because of something I would like to achieve, but my sleep gets disrupted and that makes me unhappy.

Now I am just waiting for my parents to die so I can die without any guilt.",2.060350241545894,4.248989358695649,3.4031884057971027,88.87031400966184,79.32608695652175,6.697584541062803,28.700483091787444,7.793537801064563,1.8625251207729467,359,17,74,6,9,117,68,92,0.232,0.6890000000000001,0.079,-0.952,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,7,8,0,1,2,0,7,2,1,2,0,20,12,9,2,4,9,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,0,1,12,3,9,9,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,6,51,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227051308280786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442530933630744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258252321052468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22437183522944898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808934587293808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235249165032634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494752930322905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893179735579645,0.12376239261654699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690972155803399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862239160661209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812887825505405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25466281518113776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535091640991858,0.0,0.0,0.19502289665711872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941836502539352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22858750660793584,0.0,0.0,0.24419743123162235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995567480663144,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noonecanusethis,2019/02/19,"post where I rant and vent about stupid problems I’m not asking for you to reach out and help, or try to console me. I appreciate your kindness, but all I need right now is to vent. It wouldn’t help anyways, this is just a random rant that I need to get out. 

I feel like I’ve just become a bitter person on the inside. I hate seeing other people being happy because I know that I will never experience something like that. I’m surrounded by so many people that like me but yet it doesn’t feel right. I might sound like I’m just being ungrateful. Of course I’m not, I value all of the connections I’ve made but I’m still not anyone’s best friend. I’m not the first person they’d go to, I’m not the first person they think of when they want to tell a secret or share something interesting with. I want to be able to have something like that. Someone who truly really values our friendship and me as a person. 

Okay, and now for the part that explains why this is on r/suicidewatch

The thing is, I completely understand why nobody has that connection with me. I look around me and I see amazing people, and I understand why they wouldn’t choose me. I’m a terrible person. I’m ugly, and I am not worth anything. I don’t feel like I even deserve to be around all these people. Sometimes when I think about these things, it makes me cry. And I absolutely hate it. It makes me feel pathetic. It’s like I think bad thoughts and make myself sad then I think bad thoughts about being sad and make my feelings even worse. I hate feeling. I wish I could stop feeling things like this and just feel happy for once.

No matter what I do I can’t at least numb these feelings. Nothing makes me truly happy, at least for even a second. I’m just becoming this sad, miserable, pathetic waste of space. It would be better off if I were never even here.",2.485309156252552,4.4053551671159035,3.647914726782652,88.93283427264561,76.84366576819407,6.437670505595034,21.754553622478145,7.348242739294969,0.6892077268643311,1441,39,297,18,33,467,168,371,0.236,0.555,0.209,-0.966,0,0,3,0,0,1,40.0,1,2,4,4,24,33,5,1,12,1,25,1,0,6,5,80,74,22,0,11,17,0,9,8,1,5,1,1,0,5,27,17,0,1,21,0,1,1,14,14,0,3,4,14,46,19,33,57,7,28,0,4,3,0,21,14,0,5,20,198,73,0,0.07312629956101273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113160892421362,0.0,0.06017671377418628,0.13019582057023812,0.06836321876472097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211481129174474,0.04457711347861989,0.1615245052471335,0.0,0.0,0.07674153985512366,0.06467426941601466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667153380365123,0.0,0.0,0.05838539985831755,0.0,0.0803258063212801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931969247579693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153155280741957,0.0,0.0,0.33277368831754833,0.10448288603542603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440238610001995,0.0,0.0,0.05649719764320931,0.0,0.03820547334391867,0.0,0.04155936123675822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335329169821393,0.0,0.21659124429582216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803003431901597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614978801463784,0.04018830182078378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858065297075606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614076743020875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919387276458383,0.2440618639599905,0.07413859012830308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757544778093851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844444908902733,0.1127990206296471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016665665599718,0.0,0.0,0.0778771224482405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918865631870595,0.0,0.20278627462324714,0.3192553208190688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700347810032231,0.0,0.0,0.06997199275741449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468465800047011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489892053958455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654438611241345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061959676314234616,0.16888859408947096,0.0723237801004797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058398757290516766,0.06113686081194807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391560898844881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145745592288204,0.18742552019254144,0.0,0.1161082271290374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049647957265556514,0.0,0.0,0.15225411356096172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626357223635246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795533385655287,0.0,0.08409163560223523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452194660722153,0.051946825112111135,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aaaaa35hakjh34,2019/02/19,"Can anybody do anything more than tell me it's going to be okay? I'm mid 30s.

It started with me caring for my siblings in a home broken by drugs and alcohol.  School was hard for me; I was the guy everybody picked on.  I used to cry all the time with the ""woe is me"" thing; people got bored of it.  I learnt to hide myself... I haven't shared any _real_ emotion with anybody for 20 years.  I've been somewhere between 5 and 9 on the scale of ""seriously considering suicide"" since.

Eventually I got a girl pregnant in my teens - and not a good girl that I loved, but just one who happened to be as completely lifeless as myself.  I made a decision after all my drug-addicted peers were having children willy-nilly without caring, that I would _want_ my child.  I decided the 1/4-acre, white-picket-fence cliche ""family"" was where I would aim.  We had 3 kids together.  She never worked a day.

After years of struggling to support a family that grew to 5, I had to pull all my savings to pay for my sons funeral.  He took his own life; nobody knows why.

A year ago his mother up-and-left me and his 2 siblings.  I hear through the grapevine that sex and drugs are her life now.  Oh, how I envy her - and how exciting it must be having her freedom back again.  I'm happy for her.

But if my responsibilities until now weren't enough, now I find myself with 2 early-teens to take care of... alone... 24 hours a day... 7 days a week.  I don't know if anybody is aware, but children becoming teenagers can be a handful.  The terrible two's were nothing in comparison.

I had a couple of friends I used to go and hang out with, but now that I have children 24/7 they have abandoned me, as I am never available to go to the pub, play cards/pool... instead, I am being responsible.

Rent prices where I live have doubled in the last 3 years.  With my life savings reset to 0 it really seems like the idea of owning a home is simply outside the realm of possibility now.  To provide a roof over my children's heads I must pay so much to somebody else's mortgage that I have nothing left to save for our own.  Weekly rent payments are twice that of a mortgage payment - I could easily afford it.  But the banks require a deposit.  Oh god that deposit.

I gave up my own life young to care for an unplanned family on the pretense that I was being responsible, mature, doing ""the right thing"".  Despite having an ok career and making an ok salary, my family and I live like I'm on welfare.  After 15 years, my son killed himself without warning, and (after never working a single day in her life) my partner (and my friends) threw in the towel.

I chose responsibility.  I wanted to do the right thing.  Now I am alone; immeasurable weight on my shoulders and nobody to share the burden.  Not even a little.

And because my son beat me to it, I can't even kill myself now.  That one Ace I had up my sleeve, that one get-out-of-jail-free card... gone.

I honestly never thought things could get worse.  Everybody told me to just keep fighting, things will get better.  Well.. it's been 35 years and I'm sick to fucking death of responsibility.",3.4244289617486348,4.966300190163935,4.648217213114755,84.37210724043717,73.327868852459,7.050546448087433,26.64275956284153,7.6454224807358475,1.4463743169398908,2396,85,478,30,48,790,297,610,0.121,0.746,0.133,0.9435,7,2,4,0,2,2,113.0,2,0,1,6,20,36,4,1,37,3,49,16,3,7,9,72,87,28,5,10,13,4,3,2,3,5,9,1,4,10,25,22,2,3,8,2,8,9,12,11,1,5,22,4,75,25,73,52,12,67,0,2,0,3,39,22,1,3,38,323,100,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520327448134681,0.0,0.0,0.061150586381854236,0.07372343821667447,0.0,0.14289425000003625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046911817461608336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056768355816381726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304481316198203,0.0,0.042052303632224036,0.0761879472294122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101117372660155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813371326206497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232892324905403,0.0,0.0,0.11015700079855392,0.07633002393557352,0.07577622087499666,0.17795715142483748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000031508223346,0.0,0.05762768788031523,0.0775982640124191,0.0,0.07127941688492376,0.0,0.0911272075145768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601297435336401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305057233003951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065944887078214,0.06377504761284276,0.10812464334922998,0.0,0.11761642294274995,0.05786091564022292,0.11034639391350007,0.0,0.0,0.06830548890795173,0.06100275496917835,0.07343527030421156,0.06179655136993303,0.0,0.07079798677773788,0.0,0.07775053168667273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839413235671807,0.0,0.06793582487495375,0.0,0.0,0.07787509020217369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061316582635995716,0.1526422302785587,0.0,0.07582414107820715,0.05623156500816698,0.0,0.0,0.1499036962522765,0.0,0.24362892016226076,0.0674046726528125,0.06914057991421746,0.12182913362775352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226119381092706,0.0652747905801783,0.04604768145525887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071153618309841,0.0,0.2128203598113406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323849536364085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402370233318445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04782515806566516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776964518102916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851945004193055,0.04419322950181201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782475176161285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981598482561707,0.0,0.06280088705621177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057064681391591814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048827575712073135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211756506142691,0.0,0.07545783330523728,0.07828277955051535,0.0,0.0,0.051867749797770576,0.0,0.06029548318129395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291511428804324,0.0,0.0,0.054765977879784856,0.040225409747986066,0.0,0.0,0.0659176346093109,0.07664430450628486,0.0,0.0,0.06738782099921165,0.0,0.0,0.11916089726225775,0.0,0.0,0.08137767677180913,0.0,0.11067039048763416,0.08400452193122335,0.0620253394724343,0.0,0.06224777062596356,0.0,0.0,0.13299716955071608,0.0,0.10044305782203604,0.0,0.07030108684570419,0.0980092021163399,0.0,0.0,0.2665424914030191
suicidewatch,Awsome1023,2019/02/19,I tried to kill my self I drank 4 220mg aleves I almost drank a 5th I don’t know what to do now it’s been an hour I tried to vomit but blood started come up so I stopped I started to panic drink a lot of water I’m 6’4 weight about 280 I woke my mom up she’s helping me but I just want to make sure I have a chance of being okay,-2.534625000000002,-0.9041852124999964,0.5100000000000016,105.65500000000002,94.875,3.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.8319,253,4,72,0,10,88,55,80,0.139,0.701,0.159,-0.1247,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,1,5,7,1,1,1,11,15,3,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,5,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,1,14,2,10,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654636955508485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348791402197985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314116978243192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833741100442786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263517669076997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613492386137004,0.0,0.1298237159085249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008310278575917,0.0,0.0,0.1576827915354245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766652154983713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771604929212559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643539671646414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33440417405891737,0.0,0.0,0.1974956415173698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264035369628796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207641033565069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933230552024758,0.0,0.0,0.2876598148070563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChihiroCherries,2019/02/19,"Does anyone just wanna talk? I'm not sure if this is allowed or not. But if you just wanna talk, I'm willing to do that. I'm in a really bad space right now & just want to hear someone's voice.

Thanks. ",-0.4973333333333336,1.4258672666666676,1.8177777777777813,98.06000000000004,87.44444444444444,4.488888888888889,15.666666666666668,5.6839178017228535,-0.8368666666666664,157,3,38,1,5,53,34,45,0.125,0.7829999999999999,0.091,-0.3726,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,14,9,4,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32785634101266303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115780942058812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526501668049705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647987116168051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410411321456628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938470219497486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584103662306526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25638368336129275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851876700822934,0.0,0.0,0.4864210605275369,0.0,0.27858438976206235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847553203548558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,negativelychargd,2019/02/19,"Always second best Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. I thought maybe I’d have someone to finally talk to. Someone who wouldn’t look at me weird or get scared when I told them I wanted to die sometimes, and would just tell me that if would be ok. Someone I could trust. I don’t know what I thought we had. I feel so foolish to think that anybody could actually love me. You seemed like the nicest person ever, you were so caring you’re the only person I’ve ever felt this way towards. I remember holding hands around that campfire and I thought I was special. I thought I mattered to someone, that a single person actually cared about me. But the whole time there was someone else. I was just a throwaway. 

I’ve seen movies and heard songs but I never thought it would be this way for me. I always told myself that I could tell the difference. Why the fuck would you do this to me. Why did you play with me. You should’ve just kept your distance instead of drawing me in then acting like I never existed. 

I don’t matter to anybody. I never did and I probably never will. I’m always second best, nobody really likes me. I just wanted someone to talk to so bad. I’m always the tough guy, laughing and joking, always smiling. Nobody even knows me. But I thought you would. 

Maybe it’s all my fault. I thought you were perfect so it must be my fault. I’m the clueless one after all. At least that’s one less person that will miss me. ",1.3329393939393943,3.7637864862069,2.4855485893416933,92.89461337513063,84.13793103448276,4.618599791013584,21.89132706374085,5.941861826196647,0.2341954022988504,1131,38,230,8,33,360,137,290,0.117,0.7190000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,8,1,3,18,23,1,1,9,1,28,3,1,0,10,59,60,17,1,14,10,0,3,3,0,9,0,2,0,5,16,8,0,2,15,3,0,1,8,8,0,4,22,7,48,15,19,22,8,20,0,1,2,2,24,5,1,3,15,163,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.14300870935662527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048470600932305,0.0,0.0,0.04982848464690332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522893940047314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118030203091075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379201055100966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941440933155467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550875408520597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604631238404742,0.07655519972649275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121059716202212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839644791284523,0.1325601301689113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03704927726774467,0.0,0.07035403951188282,0.08026752476895135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774015914929582,0.07656474669008048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255227338259704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053838572065722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739317547733723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061531275708100575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613218390962096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722613509326818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260521251406715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930402390594376,0.055727789623749184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559183345059975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900121337058373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694087283082248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830045783442708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335954437501828,0.0,0.0,0.06670543171884763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37250633274149947,0.0,0.07246935345120821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778890856716885,0.1280885167339973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04695069259979042,0.0,0.465367719370717,0.042726360232861464,0.0,0.0,0.14003191612766908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643720360958558,0.11632216870322955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223585231922266,0.08180723285433128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467194442889721,0.26025691857419325,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spilledcorn,2019/02/19,"I’m stuck in a neverending loop of suicidal ideation. What happens is that I begin having suicidal thoughts becuaae I feel useless, I then think myself as a  POS for thinking them then I think i’m a burden and think about suicide more. Does anyone have any advice or anything to help about this?",4.1033928571428575,6.441843982142861,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,73.46428571428572,6.622857142857143,30.84285714285714,7.554174236665415,2.1878185714285716,237,11,41,3,5,74,43,56,0.332,0.626,0.042,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,14,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,12,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046319747800614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424052477653074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642358712600667,0.0,0.1723256998490165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325515865337552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588344289869228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517961796857546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403623861352669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6871781160339535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367231261239211,0.0,0.16624729270961666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayyspam,2019/02/19,"I will kill myself before I hit 30s Probably before 25. I have finally reached a point where the only thing I look forward to and can imagine in future, is death.",2.7433333333333323,4.944792500000002,4.42625,82.32708333333336,77.125,6.7666666666666675,26.291666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.7940916666666669,128,5,23,2,3,43,28,32,0.253,0.706,0.041,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641156271873796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631108017498644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667240786184348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27835255814070925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25209899555610404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31334768758640136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357382316307591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021492108397767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkKnight9731,2019/02/19,"I'm questioning if I'm even depressed I'm 13, and a couple of days ago I wrote a suicide note. I'm not sure if no really intended to do it, but I really wanted to. And I found that music really helped me through it ( I think it last minute helped me not do it) , anyways. Now whenever I feel depressed or like I want to kill myself I always feel like for some reason I'm forcing the emotions and I just want to feel sad, and the part that scares me is that that I don't know if its entirely untrue. I'm really scared and I want to be able to talk with people about it bit every time I cut myself and every time I think of killing myself it just feels like I'm forcing out emotions and I don't need to be helped because I'm not actually depressed or suicidal and Im just forcing emotions,and this just makes me want to kill myself more, it's so fucking paradoxical.",2.171639344262296,3.622635781420768,4.192043715846996,86.73724590163934,76.43169398907105,7.284371584699452,24.22185792349727,8.021203637495839,1.2783372677595626,680,22,146,11,15,233,87,183,0.272,0.645,0.08199999999999999,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,0,5,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,5,2,4,0,7,1,0,3,1,44,32,15,5,9,13,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,0,10,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,2,4,21,4,15,28,4,7,0,4,0,1,6,1,1,7,9,89,34,0,0.1099405053322536,0.0,0.10728607409572427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745562454653342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147930758669097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701871161966412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200265574815842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164707804830704,0.0,0.0709025307882243,0.0,0.2840747884358084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473365418226356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261466689835319,0.0,0.18525923487507506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223568913542477,0.15708303795302728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205440894853941,0.0,0.10163822562196724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107240983345453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875461164426868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648986403273548,0.0,0.06042042653800199,0.08961618540956562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113413278773772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338614101129412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151949165278123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190548536507967,0.0,0.07621890359679576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231585270387679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817228116134889,0.11303715004686303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201392502276202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405141375348207,0.0,0.10361762518321213,0.0,0.0,0.08836601371373975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089087322773824,0.0,0.0,0.12821438555472198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242287925261799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,areyoucianthis,2019/02/19,"I can’t sleep cause I want to kill myself. Hopefully spewing out some of my thoughts will offset it enough so that I can sleep. It seems like the stupidest little things make me want to kill myself but the silliest little things make me want to stay alive. 

My mom screams at me for sleeping in = whole day ruined. Totally crushed ego and perspective until I sleep again and have my mentality reset. 

The cashier someplace is extra nice and gives me a little compliment on something I wore or how I look while making small talk = me crying the whole way home about how wonderful people in this world can be. And how I wish I could do something nice for them because they made one day worth living even though they gained nothing from simply being nice to me. 

Today’s a day of the former perspective. This is me rambling and crying at 1 am instead of also crying but instead holding pills, wanting to down them. 

My therapist always tried to spin it so that it seemed like I was strong because I’m still here. But I’m not. I’m as weak as can be. It isn’t strong that I push down my depression and anxiety and mania in the hopes of making the others around me happy. It’s me being scared because I already have no one and don’t want to lose those I have left. I pretend to not want to die every second of every day so those around me won’t be as miserable as I am. 

I can’t even have normal friendships because when I’m not utterly exhausted my mind is telling me they only talk to me because they feel bad for me. That I’m going to say or do something stupid to fuck it up. I can’t talk to someone unless I’m directly doing something that benefits them because I feel like I’m worthless. But then I burn myself out and flake eventually which leads to those fragile relationships completely falling apart. 

I posted here not expecting answers. I’m not even sure what you would respond to out of this jumble of thoughts. But I feel horribly alone and even if I had someone close to me there’s no way in hell I would talk to them about this. And this communal place where everyone has felt like dying is enough for me to feel heard even if I don’t get acknowledged. If you took the time to read this thank you. ",4.193822278911565,5.438347233560092,4.822329223356012,85.03478635204084,70.9954648526077,7.780073696145124,27.386692176870746,8.17850203761792,1.710381462585033,1754,60,348,25,32,562,206,441,0.17600000000000002,0.6459999999999999,0.17800000000000002,-0.6287,0,1,4,0,0,3,27.0,0,3,8,5,27,31,5,2,10,0,35,8,4,10,2,74,76,38,4,17,16,1,6,4,0,4,3,3,1,0,26,17,0,1,12,2,1,5,14,15,0,3,9,10,58,16,54,57,7,47,1,5,1,1,22,25,2,11,17,245,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255287942340481,0.07730426673010392,0.0560206625580248,0.058288983405297375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358968723648039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472249412858147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849060195496417,0.2562187672271811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719628336229323,0.0,0.0,0.07344832485998544,0.0,0.0,0.05593092511825608,0.0,0.2308469241961883,0.18071131273449487,0.0,0.06033579638873155,0.0,0.1454061009882192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447651515332819,0.0,0.2313438538987749,0.0,0.11804388065659545,0.06693781164300419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168184578702364,0.050045255227914566,0.0672610298480428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476206480912014,0.036599346307325614,0.06720038572285969,0.03981223948001339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457179434169324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026799747212463,0.13915514157289965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550046041505106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076111843543819,0.0,0.0,0.13689572778617295,0.2106319109878486,0.061857313659227225,0.0,0.05882614560165634,0.07837041413825067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628501861132235,0.18704136130599533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059606998085946,0.0,0.07073268105897812,0.08204420727991492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686362133194398,0.06721690745885818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493827166584093,0.05327780106521604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856532612813462,0.0,0.07318956536897653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709057575130584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007108648355685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520977067920348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570826497153391,0.07013440220463146,0.0,0.0,0.12754565523164274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804108807701123,0.0,0.118709883796031,0.21571820654406432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466624918931597,0.05594372101486583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602330291008104,0.0,0.0,0.2252209922805241,0.06122864875286785,0.06449458893497481,0.0,0.08133592148044927,0.0930790440574632,0.0,0.06882586144418995,0.11122713166179543,0.04084795998722055,0.0,0.06640122767408918,0.0,0.07783049329603951,0.04756079750815698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791136538721664,0.11120823929115717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564214014995286,0.0805564916118368,0.0,0.07596854609151572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952604563905287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DealnWithaSamsquanch,2019/02/19,"Any gun people out there? Soon I'm gonna come into some cash and I was wondering, would a .38 snub do the job? 

I'm just looking for an affordable wheel gun because I don't want it to jam when I do the deed.

Anyways, .357s and .44 tend to be on the more expensive side of things and I wanna leave my family some ""cushion cash"" to cremate me.",0.8177103718199632,2.6261782465753427,2.863444227005872,93.10753424657534,81.60273972602741,6.36320939334638,21.38747553816047,7.447530270364453,0.6178352250489239,264,8,61,4,7,89,56,73,0.15,0.85,0.0,-0.8117,2,0,0,2,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,14,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,9,10,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,2,39,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709618860504436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253580553390372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003339318567752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286792863285882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459845857815533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691734856579749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927809475599504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417122872308825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316297493095581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056447398986329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780996133936656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24767328924127496,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MentalFly2,2019/02/19,i did something terrible. i wish i was dead. I'm thinking about killing myself again. i feel so lonely and out of control of my life. Im depressed and its never going to get better. life sucks and if I'm alive im doing nothing but hurting people. i can't do anything right,-0.10171052631578804,2.224980649122813,2.3010307017543887,91.25575657894736,93.38596491228071,3.5517543859649123,22.91447368421053,5.148860815047168,0.29419473684210473,215,9,42,1,8,73,43,57,0.228,0.628,0.14400000000000002,-0.6038,0,2,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,11,13,6,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,1,7,1,5,11,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187112797500852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206211410453148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615091946349677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082069551099585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789289491149245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121816676344685,0.0,0.132510418371138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24960301145223854,0.0,0.5037064465352058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579574172880702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293761465987493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982766061222416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237236750637663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164405136768545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911769240771496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949825338119807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939975829185245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268122932681404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sassio5001,2019/02/19,"I have attempted suicide once, and its not getting better. I have had suicide problems for years, and im a teenager.

​

It started around 3 years back when i was being taunted by others because of how socially inept i was and how easily I cried (Not my proudest quality). I do stuff like this on other sites, and i have talked to my friends but they all think im joking.  


Just these last few months I have been driven almost to the point of death, and I even tried to kill myself, only surviving because i pulled the knife out of my chest, which I had put in slowly because I thought that that was the death I deserved. I cut my wrists a few times a week and sometimes the blood loss can make me dizzy, but I kinda like it because it helps me forget. 

​

I know nobody is here to help me, and I have been on the phone with Suicide Prevention more times than I can count, but everything they say seems scripted. I am seriously considering it for the next few days, and this is an alternate account so my family doesn't know. This shit is scary, but weirdly enough I remember the days after the attempt as the best ones. It felt like people cared, but I was wrong. So yeah, thanks for reading if you did, sorry to inconvenience someone else if you don't care. This isn't a goodbye, but it might be close.",6.006962676962679,5.95964671042471,6.133189189189192,81.84446846846849,66.45173745173744,8.914388674388674,31.552380952380947,8.447377352677275,2.247855392535393,1034,37,205,13,15,329,152,259,0.21600000000000005,0.63,0.154,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,4,37.0,0,2,2,7,10,18,3,0,14,1,27,4,4,3,1,40,40,22,6,3,11,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,18,12,0,1,7,2,1,3,5,8,0,1,12,2,34,10,21,25,7,25,0,1,0,0,11,8,1,6,17,149,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060352905700558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22946733155319635,0.2573401308756406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426610694494666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142421865652898,0.0,0.2582025093013273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111268575507046,0.09365264676936902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159273907964569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631711395890645,0.13658283577002214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845896853870006,0.0,0.0,0.10941448334306947,0.0,0.06994050151112402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516867604206997,0.0,0.09982531681217484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167268506266784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181170258459113,0.0,0.05532406832026096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195401447541642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287625200232733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117153531076338,0.0,0.11639067185970176,0.08631590860056733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520007925547635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068356470574652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233441173136577,0.0,0.0,0.08452178376805533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112617076353843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277125672878452,0.07175498960752176,0.0805354467627558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341200572674947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010193002229216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132410277890694,0.0,0.10645045522024756,0.0,0.0,0.1059204047891774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995470922932835,0.0,0.0,0.0842093689709277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639987125364964,0.0,0.0,0.10869635862063387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794330282071496,0.08972173527737744,0.0,0.10472964738428936,0.11853714349573426,0.07495072494849582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122071820087445,0.3474851593669359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511177672038572,0.0,0.0974908954538216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785115702370374,0.0,0.0840662204654207,0.12349266077596288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189354663912974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493997373834712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577600434224015,0.2573401308756406,0.13638162908898244
suicidewatch,ajrsfeldash,2019/02/19,"Feel like my depression is unwarranted Every. Single. Time.

Every time I feel depressed or suicidal, I end up on here, to try and prevent it from happening. I feel better knowing theres so many other people in shitty situations, going through the same stuff. It makes me depressed to hear everyone's stories...

But it also makes me feel like I dont have a right to be suicidal. I dont really have anything in my life that warrants it, really. I'm about to graduate college with a degree that I'm passionate about. I have many friends (even if they'd rather ignore me most of the time) and a loving family. The only thing I can think of that could make me depressed or suicidal is me being trans. 

I go on here and see all of these people that have been abused. People that have been raped, or are in constant chronic pain. It makes me feel like I dont have any excuse to feel depressed and that just makes me feel even more worthless. I cant even fucking be depressed right. I dont think I'm going to commit suicide anytime soon but I think that if one thing happens to me that is even mildly depressing then I might end up being more suicidal. 

Tl;dr
I feel like my depression and suicidal thoughts arent warranted, because I compare myself to others' experiences.",3.9771632653061246,5.855297848979597,5.0813775510204096,80.45022959183677,72.55102040816327,8.00204081632653,28.16836734693877,8.697196308434329,2.3092816326530614,1003,39,182,19,20,330,121,245,0.226,0.6990000000000001,0.075,-0.991,1,0,0,0,1,2,28.0,0,0,1,1,14,21,2,0,6,0,26,7,0,5,2,41,56,15,6,4,9,0,8,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,19,6,0,2,13,0,0,3,6,13,0,1,3,10,28,8,23,46,6,20,0,9,1,4,5,9,1,7,12,133,47,2,0.0,0.08111579547347504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474871300389045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655623243255532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056338059602239525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041733553039773684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054871754485401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398266306087582,0.0,0.05466101305334964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717269735146528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32094591912999043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212733058644812,0.0,0.0,0.18087295199979603,0.0,0.11536369348076675,0.06541798813884872,0.0,0.0669685769254129,0.06453949909574631,0.0,0.2769299168791808,0.19563590936409286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289325868020405,0.06329164165278099,0.0,0.0,0.1167249068721258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210807252008742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771611935078371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037624702335662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835644938996062,0.13378750928304178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178926265140094,0.0,0.2284932322826488,0.1388186242654566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262693368656009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046391348755781055,0.052068128201387114,0.07284796426992655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238795012691471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771650198014228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693165658761735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545550276785312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695370151323344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837214729236787,0.44931524076089785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096568367966484,0.1316022776751936,0.0,0.05435085941093769,0.11976152026861653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648092925200925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a-random-account-,2019/02/19,"I don’t know anymore I’m feeling kinda suicidal lately, I honestly don’t know if I can go on anymore. I try talking to my friends about it but they don’t take it seriously ",0.634729729729731,2.7719113243243285,3.9634459459459457,83.12192567567571,84.40540540540543,6.943243243243244,30.871621621621625,8.07648339933343,2.570248648648649,137,8,28,3,4,50,26,37,0.138,0.71,0.153,-0.1243,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6133062366745158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634580836544282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889478980479698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757311031562345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33986733206551695,0.0,0.3488022180504037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382254269447493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324873515656165,0.2485311925699851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099332145657008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GiantIceSpiders,2019/02/19,"I dunno why I feel this way. I have 3 amazing sons and just had my baby girl 3 weeks ago. I still feel these urges to just end it all. I have so many reasons to live. Why do I still want to kill myself?
",-1.266521739130436,0.41226017391304737,1.080608695652174,103.701347826087,88.56521739130434,3.68,13.54782608695652,3.1291,-1.687412173913044,152,2,41,0,5,51,33,46,0.105,0.7809999999999999,0.114,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,7,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,1,3,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359776843610744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357816274176365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26920593125155245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945201523654787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350668942213456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698935343756721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737065719803329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251887439728245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570166114465411,0.21130383681071024,0.21353632090727864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804233495727529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmperorElagabalus,2019/02/19,"Just me venting, support would be appreciated I am sorry. I don't want to burden anyone here with my problems, and I know many here have it far worse than me. But I have been suicidal since I was probably about five years old, and honestly, ever since then it's been a pretty much day-in day-out thing for me to have these awful thoughts. I always saw a lot of stuff online about how things get better, but for me time hasn't helped, it's just been one long battle. And I'm not depressed, I really don't believe so. I just feel like I grasped the concept of death early, and my mind immediately latched on to the idea that if it was always going to happen, then what was the point in going through this whole act? Especially when there's nothing I care about beyond my family. I don't want a family of my own, I don't want a good career, just about the sole purpose of my life has been to make *other* people happy and often it seems like I can barely even manage that. I just feel tired, and I feel in pain. I'm 30 years old, and I have spent most of that time in a state of pain I can't even really articulate, because it's all emotional. I just kind of want it all to end, because there's no future for me, and even if there was I don't think I'd be capable of enjoying it. Again, I'm sorry to burden you with this, and I don't want to make anyone feel any worse, but I literally can't talk to anyone about this, and I just need to let it out, because it's like a weight crushing my skull sometimes.",3.9238291139240498,4.115524863924051,5.284658227848105,85.31572151898736,70.93037974683544,8.218734177215191,24.66075949367089,8.07648339933343,1.1440068354430388,1171,28,260,15,20,394,150,316,0.16899999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.134,-0.8245,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,1,27,18,1,0,10,1,28,6,1,3,3,54,55,20,2,10,13,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,22,13,1,0,10,0,1,3,11,7,0,2,11,6,34,11,36,40,7,27,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,6,18,179,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643690187642902,0.0,0.0,0.06716695189235379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718673335564347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806277314243759,0.0,0.0,0.1112799089884538,0.0,0.08735399292394394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070254508753836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739689139558846,0.0,0.0850704118462676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110289790238344,0.08748085782743001,0.0,0.0,0.19570985823215667,0.08934307303335537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622303414265665,0.0,0.1997642145068712,0.07056127088736637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051603221470858884,0.0,0.11226647568439184,0.08284354662734811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734193919621745,0.10514244671423288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620341444565939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149924944823876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285370215165256,0.054281380595058916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099896412955163,0.06976413554438164,0.1447620232075771,0.0,0.0,0.08740829624385843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397067810103385,0.0,0.0,0.13185941506491214,0.10013722514282172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997294917582584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726072767055986,0.07323666524494339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477242935050507,0.0,0.2072848919490194,0.0,0.0669290732366491,0.0,0.21019637783888026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847464593904516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336952652683,0.0,0.0,0.10048454598191264,0.1064907097918207,0.0945095014663112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654911621555368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991645150294512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634070439892156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768600452973612,0.22112974168579733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306796043929825,0.1080382925616108,0.11208296699168076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938754320191396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312367298710938,0.06328779479266776,0.0,0.07841230633623605,0.11518710242272365,0.11352152606394687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912853731001144,0.0,0.0,0.12027518839815195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027312013420686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013100311881931,0.07016333751025053,0.0,0.0,0.1272092169667485
suicidewatch,moonlightfocaccia,2019/02/19,"I lied and now I feel even more pathetic Guy asked me what I do for a living. Couldn't say nothing so I said I was working on coding. I don't know shit about coding. I don't know anything about anything. I'm 24 with no friends and absolutely no life. I can't even drive. The fact that my life is so shameful that I can't even answer a regular question like ""what are you doing this weekend?"" or ""what do you do for a living?"" without having to lie shows how pathetic my life is.",1.4822002200220012,3.1609702673267366,3.3906270627062685,90.74147414741476,79.0,6.073047304730473,24.093509350935093,6.937597516519254,0.7822466446644669,371,13,82,4,9,125,61,101,0.191,0.726,0.084,-0.8987,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,9,4,1,1,4,0,14,4,1,1,1,13,20,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,3,14,2,8,17,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,1,2,3,59,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316729424694707,0.0,0.1883970434931394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993126358082381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189621482975766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569636997725758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953970981821648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150382567863625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270255126759831,0.09845408499790648,0.0,0.3558974594888911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336700209045565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257521708066293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169476763884646,0.16025938408129853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068607293617964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426123026918704,0.0,0.14671133265785172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DianaLovesToSleep311,2019/02/19,Drunk mind spwtaks sober thoughts I am a successful woman. I graduated with my BA at 19 got my house at 20. Worked as a teacher and medical researcher by 22. I am not bragging but I am intelligent. That's the prob... The more you know the more you realize how fucked this world is.. I contemplate life a lot. I love my friends/family. But is life really worth it? I hate myself for being so selfish. I wish I could give up my soul to someone else ,-0.1607142857142847,2.1361590555555594,2.25714285714286,90.33,97.33333333333331,6.126984126984127,21.984126984126984,7.447530270364453,1.2850793650793648,345,14,73,8,14,117,67,90,0.179,0.64,0.181,-0.1963,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,2,5,2,0,6,0,7,6,0,1,0,13,15,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,16,2,8,11,3,4,1,0,0,2,5,4,1,1,0,49,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970048903550496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612282923420974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260814669713065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811071781687595,0.0,0.2366991891008042,0.0,0.0,0.19734360119116068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436084731108996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847092800147769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560396970769836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485649635044557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977280173643909,0.22269596251130316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24856847497553866,0.0,0.0,0.2491409546164353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580704316444009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906526748709492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588705918245589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837432558789796,0.0,0.0,0.17963246502455504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Selimrefitrom,2019/02/19,"How do I know when telling my friends about suicidal thoughts is a real cry for help, or just a cry for attention? I've been super down for the last couple months. My gf(23) left me(30) while she was in another state for someone else. She now brings him here and I have to watch my life when we were together but now I'm on the outside. She used to tell me things like we were soul mates, meant to be together forever. Now I see her being the exact same with this new guy. I thought we were meant to be together forever. I believed her when she said it. Now everything I see between them is exactly like we were. Making me feel like our relationship wasn't this special thing. I'm just another guy in a long list. On top of that My job that I love feels like it's been taken away from me because my boss doesn't like me. I feel like I had everything I ever wanted in life and within like a month it was all taken away. I loved my job more than anything and I've lost it. I loved her more than anything and I've lost her. The first person I ever thought I'd marry or even considered kids with. I don't know what to do. I feel like the only thing keeping me from doing the worst is my best friend(24). She came into my life when my ex did. We all formed a family. We have a house, cats, a dog, a life together. Now when her new bf(39) is around I feel completely replaced. I don't matter. I'm just here, seemingly for no reason. I need help, but I'm so scared of opening up to anyone ever again. I've always been closed off, but I opened up to my ex and best friend more than I ever have in my life. I have friends who I've know since I was 6. I have never been more open than with my ex and  best friend. I feel like finally opening up was wasted on my ex. I'm so scared I've lost myself. If it wasn't for my best friends J I would've done something stupid and permanent long ago. I'm so lost. I've always been a rock. Now I feel more broken than ever. What do I do? I don't know how to ask for help. I'm just fucking rambling here to no one. Everything I'm saying just feels irrelevant. I feel bad for how long this is and feel bad for anyone who wastes there time reading it. I don't like doing this to people, but I don't know what else to do. I don't even know why I made this post. I'm sorry.",0.8961601552165099,2.620292340770796,2.6875513713731403,94.8830141546874,80.96754563894524,6.071946379751301,19.84518035100097,7.079830092131019,0.1718768321721491,1776,45,421,22,46,589,192,493,0.126,0.682,0.191,0.991,2,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,7,0,1,11,36,35,2,2,15,0,45,9,0,8,10,84,98,27,1,3,12,4,10,10,6,0,5,2,0,4,21,25,0,1,24,2,0,2,12,11,0,2,32,15,72,24,51,63,14,59,1,4,3,4,47,24,1,4,41,273,93,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233167146514861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982450236763944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380835983797928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082558402943926,0.0,0.0971628604719674,0.05255437508422839,0.055190500358466864,0.0,0.1109321480568394,0.0,0.0985848480827987,0.03598767351619784,0.0,0.0,0.06651312622943531,0.24781770428101565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752122373073255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189790929005105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653219858036992,0.12969610040820734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604141164763715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863366511702573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798517344396808,0.2670062883952307,0.0,0.0,0.1591727013794691,0.0,0.05565369476553104,0.0,0.2985027247146236,0.21087592361024227,0.0,0.06467082927550198,0.0,0.05021581823316965,0.0,0.0,0.27366545898119915,0.05457764245315317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690944000033295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871134965523705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681193827122821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716783704717718,0.0524737283439156,0.0,0.0,0.19466717859025845,0.04812205344365679,0.0,0.0,0.06414256549151746,0.0,0.20849364435732745,0.2884190809272098,0.0,0.0,0.15673446611564526,0.0,0.0,0.2577781821877778,0.0,0.1598463334036756,0.05586109795035277,0.03940685249689593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424361885504913,0.0,0.0,0.043774294967883605,0.04553204560131025,0.11403428001736207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000418347817177,0.04489938339362668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092798790239992,0.051547780272745265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653997392027725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059051772294094286,0.06719566084876948,0.0,0.06069863106551258,0.0,0.06338235177046353,0.0,0.0,0.056156561408423816,0.046947634796130296,0.1182102620869792,0.0,0.09408777263182022,0.053743971785049055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883502081566811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050020838685201616,0.045448640273045286,0.0,0.06608574070345412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457557933039543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031997762694288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766227964061422,0.0,0.0,0.1406034838640378,0.034424247616164264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098797326390995,0.0,0.0,0.034820842263280985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327062379245622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193733592091618,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Splucas235,2019/02/19,"I’ve been ready to die for a while. I have cancer, so maybe that will kill me, but if it doesn’t. What should I do? When I was 15 I was diagnosed with brain cancer and there was no doubt in my mind that I would die from it, because when I was that age the only people I heard about having cancer are old people and they always died from it. At one point while laying in my hospital bed before my brain surgery, instead of being scared to die, I was comforted by the thought that I wouldn’t have to live in pain anymore. Ever since that moment in the hospital I’ve felt completely comfortable with dying and have wanted to leave this life and move on to wherever we go afterwards. 

I survived that round of cancer after radiation therapy treatments, and after surviving, I attempted suicide multiple times. 

Fast forward 7 years and I have been diagnosed with cancer in my thyroid and lymph nodes and I’ve recently gone through surgery and taken radioactive iodine to get rid of it. Now that I look back on it I wish I would have denied the treatments and let the cancer kill me. I hate living with this humongous scar on my neck and having to take a pill every morning to stabilize my hormone levels. I have not slept well in the last 7 years because I have a super overactive mind that doesn’t shut off.

I go in on Wednesday to find out if there’s more cancer in my body or if the treatment got rid of it. I’m hoping there’s more cancer and that I can deny treatment this time, but if it’s gone, then I won’t be able to wait around for it to come back again in a few years. I’ll just be in a constant state of wanting to die for however many years it takes for it to come back. I don’t think I really want to commit suicide, but I know that I am ready to die. Wish me luck that the cancer is still in my body and has spread! If it hasn’t, then I don’t know what I’m going to do because I’ve attempted suicide in the past and don’t know if I can do it again unless it’s with a gun (which I don’t have) because I want to be certain that I’ll die, but I also know that I can’t stay around much longer.",7.221795454545454,4.890397588636368,7.579090909090913,79.90863636363638,65.1590909090909,10.8,32.68181818181818,9.120678840339163,2.4883090909090915,1649,47,359,22,20,544,193,440,0.277,0.628,0.095,-0.9988,1,0,0,1,0,6,31.0,1,0,1,5,21,13,3,2,15,0,45,22,6,0,3,66,78,34,13,17,14,0,2,0,0,6,16,1,1,0,32,25,0,1,8,0,0,9,12,6,1,1,15,4,44,7,60,52,4,67,0,0,2,0,3,25,0,10,33,250,76,0,0.07267733080258185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812003518522831,0.060473361287330676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720763831748108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939646580642244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765314384984828,0.0,0.17721370516263116,0.0,0.0618430555746501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145626118049847,0.0,0.1622638740241491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252101703915252,0.07620079860242453,0.07853837550280761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753192183765135,0.6034207608186581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574080656664802,0.06123378574874995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978163489790705,0.0,0.06642576369269783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03797090569814068,0.0,0.12391260583455857,0.0,0.0581267006433446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175381773327939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218498813759397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081339698131733,0.0,0.1597662413307903,0.059241724718230415,0.0,0.0769547995417847,0.0,0.07431749478545233,0.05133414806988268,0.0,0.0,0.12835082921820942,0.0,0.06103065362067681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368340627568727,0.07301414728839523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676677226497575,0.0,0.0,0.07724450091816648,0.05342620050075729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626263303435668,0.0,0.049248040255934336,0.05527438504131695,0.07733380410676545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937873586245781,0.10077062049830897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870356899776894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655895912154818,0.0,0.07176009630903182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276268679625296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060119439066709475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746436460899074,0.058040210260077274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849161166973035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928861591624904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831128616649373,0.0,0.0,0.046568698996296766,0.0,0.05769768252062155,0.08475747209319555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714678908482971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534564858806734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671506873746472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325578117532966,0.0,0.0,0.187207272867894
suicidewatch,Intelligent_Lobster,2019/02/19,"I feel so manic, and I'm scared to hurt the people I love. I don't even have the energy to really think about what I want to say right now. I just feel like I'm in crisis and I haven't felt this way in so long. 

It's been building for a week or so, and now that it's climaxing I have no idea what to do. I've already resolved to not injure myself, and I'm going to try my hardest to stick to that, until these feelings pass. 

I just want to do something risky- something absolutely insane. ",3.026334231805933,3.3240301509433965,4.787412398921834,87.71028301886793,72.9622641509434,7.566576819407007,23.633423180592988,7.447530270364453,0.8044328840970354,380,9,87,4,7,130,64,106,0.162,0.716,0.122,-0.7425,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,17,19,9,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,5,10,3,14,17,0,11,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,6,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523084034999438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101365268883307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468196694781693,0.16333947637569635,0.21952893128100864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994059717337555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447623723708739,0.2581051728820162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170128113459488,0.0,0.0,0.2023379845603071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635528190966373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585092313678464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647175510380886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525613289346064,0.0,0.18182260813355586,0.22890714573950546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520343611112009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650239617860586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523061528237928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26971396472730313,0.18148269493037508,0.1834001103277935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmethystCurves,2019/02/19,"No matter what I always get back to this point It doesn’t matter what I do, I’m always going to fuck something up and end up realizing that I’m better off to everyone being dead. How many times do I have to go through this cycle before I finally accept there’s only one end? Why can’t I be brave enough to stop it? ",1.4143137254901958,3.0327161176470585,3.927058823529413,87.09343137254903,79.0,6.298039215686276,18.686274509803926,7.1686216300943375,0.27860980392156875,248,5,53,3,6,87,48,68,0.173,0.674,0.153,-0.5362,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,7,13,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,9,11,1,12,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,6,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816824959717275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176359389324269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951637159550109,0.0,0.0,0.20284534338019128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062798745936835,0.2369844228657744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915797403034887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512465528609352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120344625737743,0.11982821652919852,0.0,0.2606948010964052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325293800470055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541648856997778,0.17443436909047838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681405778520885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656823530396382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917505622648092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373840486175528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695668737429315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lenyerduponet,2019/02/19,Is it bad to stage an attempt of suicide for attention? I'm really dealing with extreme levels of neglect and loneliness. People can tell I'm depressed but no one gives a shit. Would it be wrong if I staged myself a suicide and got put on like suicide watch for attention from parents/peers. ,5.251071428571431,6.655196250000002,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,68.64285714285714,8.457142857142857,35.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.2915142857142854,234,12,40,4,4,76,45,56,0.456,0.502,0.042,-0.9863,1,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,8,4,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,1,2,1,8,5,0,5,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243224770142305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225256342240423,0.18818741103958675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959807223839708,0.0,0.0,0.17474854280398455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674447896767666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805628352246533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147530218153785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964547504487894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997199515731332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224279579410728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.716986533709805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097221848233334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552109193947682,0.2388874281461261,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jryan11012,2019/02/19,"Still not sure if I should die Just a little sample

I didn't start out with too much, I wish I could just be like the other people, with perfect mental health, I hate living with my condition, I don't even know myself anymore so I choose to drink my problems away whilst hiding my drinking from family and friends, I hate living my life, why couldn't I be born into a different life, a stable household and functioning family.

Everyone I talk to says it gets better, this is not what's happening. For the past 2 years I've tried everything I could to get ahead only to be held back by social anxiety, shitty parental support and I guess plain old bad luck.

I was served a shit hand, it really won't matter if I'm gone, if anyone stopped to check in on me maybe I'd feel like I'm worth something, well, I hope you start to talk about me to all of your friends for attention, start to pretend like you care, you're all just as selfish as me.

I don't care for the daily grind anymore, getting nowhere in life, doing nothing with my limited time on this earth. 

I wish I had a good job and a car, then I could believe that I was making a difference and not being a fucking leech to the system, I could drive places and get out of this fucking house every now and again

I hate my grandparents for being such lazy, self destructive, hypocritical selfish pieces of shit, especially when my grandmother takes her frustration and problems caused by a lifetime of knowingly making bad decisions and not giving a fuck about the future out on me, and blames me and other people for everything wrong in her life instead of taking responsibility for her actions, fuck you, you lazy angry bitch of a cow

I don't really have much to leave to anyone because I'm such a poor cunt, I guess I'll just have to leave you with the burden of my suicide.

I hope I was a good son, brother, mate, partner, grandson, student.
No one could have done anything to stop me feeling this way, I'm too scared to say anything out of fear for being judged as weak or crazy.

I'll catch you later, have a great one👍

I'm not sure who I'm going to leave this to, or when I'm going to do it but i hope my method is effective enough to make sure I'm dead before someone finds me and the ambos come",7.344327192631155,5.805660248898679,7.507080496595916,77.99613936724072,64.352422907489,10.457188626351623,32.97116539847818,9.218907990703514,2.647800881057268,1779,56,360,25,22,579,227,454,0.193,0.685,0.122,-0.972,4,0,4,0,0,1,42.0,0,7,0,5,20,45,13,2,21,0,31,15,3,5,6,79,79,25,3,17,15,4,3,3,4,2,6,2,0,2,13,23,2,4,9,3,3,8,12,24,1,1,8,6,53,21,59,57,6,45,0,0,0,4,26,14,8,11,24,227,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293872938231568,0.0,0.13725799302523434,0.09677417754815296,0.0,0.11389338426019514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501680633976213,0.053211452063268015,0.11556022466183576,0.04218440985064769,0.0,0.058885125174337576,0.07796605623999234,0.0,0.0612028387424613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111047295374812,0.07108869581451258,0.0,0.05961070720143516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27625764038069656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181992121716436,0.144601052720457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081685480604748,0.0,0.1355816636903797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150333931967225,0.0,0.0457067406337547,0.0,0.058304996498131235,0.0661247131444567,0.1243871547481218,0.0,0.1304734671795504,0.0778705902472321,0.06998041301685748,0.04943735184884592,0.0,0.0,0.06324864406358385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069293525224449,0.25590158106660144,0.14461908547316354,0.06638409771774112,0.07865727458478798,0.1160853684044336,0.0,0.07629456844647366,0.15246584951224898,0.0,0.06119439353773056,0.0,0.0,0.204965577769384,0.0,0.07355764070971019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619722082099004,0.0,0.07984889486714536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867151411006554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606234064583765,0.0,0.0,0.21982224010491191,0.0,0.0,0.19551541926412155,0.10142463401895938,0.06935778324823615,0.12221185668326427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857701714767928,0.0,0.06952190771662076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697385343504608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017416903108494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664004187630029,0.0,0.07261501959475379,0.0,0.0937850495294812,0.052630631715206884,0.0,0.0,0.07683974434307225,0.0,0.06606037667021025,0.09595079911237334,0.0,0.0723005263602285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243240713470755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866412276637392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006314519704068,0.06928247448650936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219194490414745,0.0,0.14206807683575773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054190974585091,0.058633953073402585,0.05327446542410871,0.0,0.0,0.14694289881469838,0.0,0.05526416854005616,0.11571060538543712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756948821265237,0.07852870286697752,0.1956639390481908,0.0,0.10406138197020738,0.1112426081994273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035177682677496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046983073018897474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492869233346388,0.0,0.0,0.062220190463614426,0.0,0.06244332037882889,0.0,0.15915593202136755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566064994889372,0.0,0.044563304618194716
suicidewatch,amardolem,2019/02/19,"liability my mom has this thing where she'll buy some chocolate and she'll give me a handful of it at random times, she did this just a few minutes ago before her and my dad went to bed

sometimes i get really sad thinking she got stuck with a daughter that's so unmotivated and isn't doing anything with her life at 21",2.3390909090909098,4.316138060606065,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,77.48484848484848,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.9864727272727278,256,9,53,3,6,86,53,66,0.16,0.84,0.0,-0.8522,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,0,9,12,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,10,0,6,6,2,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,2,2,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902016005567897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940490179469284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27857529158179445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104193879482651,0.314051627187054,0.0,0.0,0.26183477562588103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312373658414837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834221562922414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097272764502066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237860569871932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749596322122014,0.2097711502275102,0.0,0.0,0.19089724208077616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034834768942483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stonergirl6969,2019/02/19,"Questions about suicide/anxiety When I get upset my mind goes straight to thinking about killing myself but I don't because of religious beliefs and my kids.

I grew up going to church every Sunday and that if you commit suicide you go to hell. That is the very thing that stops me from killing myself, other than that my family especially my 3 little kids. 

Before I had kids I've attempted suicide twice. 1st was trying to OD on asprin (30 of them and I threw up for 3 days straight) 2nd attemp was a hard fail (hanging myself with a belt wedged in the door but I was about to pass out and suddenly fell) 

So I have a history of suicide attempts. My question is basically if I continue these thoughts will I actually do it one day?

Also I've never been to therapy or diagnosed but I get these intense feelings throughout my body that feels like my entire body is hurting and my chest feels like it's crumbling in. I also feel intense heat go through my face and body. My heart literally breaks...is this a normal feeling?

",3.361969696969698,5.593075398989903,4.4929292929292926,82.44272727272728,75.31313131313131,7.0262626262626275,29.181818181818183,7.984000788550335,2.1485939393939395,811,36,148,13,18,265,122,198,0.213,0.7170000000000001,0.07,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,8,18.0,0,2,1,3,7,8,3,1,6,0,12,7,6,0,2,29,25,16,6,3,6,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,12,8,0,1,10,0,0,8,2,6,0,2,7,6,28,2,23,17,0,25,3,2,0,0,8,9,1,5,10,100,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.119505373298515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586584189427084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368319409425044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746517776663866,0.0,0.1042062526875554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080834572506039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579558853481038,0.0,0.0,0.12429648392726547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317962609476007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544639711370573,0.0,0.3096026619805931,0.1749739399793124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796281675246673,0.0,0.2087941514982706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970201427639832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511821343097653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109824276009413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709724046728447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119657621626642,0.12273922600344878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365184105691313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445034404335408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199868860201574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298350848919593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743712242752255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238382399397278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018610807404121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004611809304654,0.0,0.08135839748479294,0.0784687879640925,0.0,0.09722125189905373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314374750074856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104408234687667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kylierupe,2019/02/19,"Help! I am having terrible thoughts, but I really can't do this anymore.",1.24642857142857,3.9118350714285732,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,91.14285714285714,8.514285714285714,28.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.503257142857142,57,3,10,2,2,20,13,14,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.14,-0.126,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305814173308134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42618946822316905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073347348896066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047851295800311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Languishing4Real,2019/02/19,"Very Lonely Times I  have been lonely for so long.  It's been 12 years since I've had a real relationship, and I feel subnormal compared to other people because of it.  There was a one night stand with a girl that I had met at a bar, but it didn't take her long to lose attraction.  I've been watching a ton of RSD youtube videos, and trying to do self help.  It's been really giving me hope, but I haven't really been approaching women that much.  I don't have many friends to go out to bars and clubs to meet women.  I have my cousin and his wife, but they have kids, so they don't go out much.  

​

I'm 29 and I work at a grocery store.  I have been trying to start my business trying to teach people how to hack computers on the side.   I've tried being a software engineer, but I never seem to make many friends at those types of jobs, and I usually get very stressed out.  I haven't made many friends at the grocery store job either though.  I've been trying to figure out if I should go back to school for psychology or music too.

​

I just think I'll never find someone that will love me, and my business will probably never take off.  

​

I was watching an rsd video, and Tyler said that most people will not be seen as cool in their 40's.  It made me realize that he's probably right.  No one really gives a fuck about me.  When I'm 40, I'll probably just wish that I had killed myself sooner.  I don't know why my life had to turn out like this.",3.9254605263157885,4.418155361842107,4.777473684210528,87.8833157894737,71.03947368421052,8.053684210526317,25.068421052631567,8.07648339933343,1.179729473684211,1146,30,253,15,20,372,156,304,0.113,0.7879999999999999,0.1,-0.4699,2,4,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,3,2,11,14,2,1,11,1,31,5,0,4,3,43,57,20,1,4,10,2,1,1,3,4,1,1,0,5,14,14,2,0,7,5,2,4,11,6,0,2,19,6,30,8,33,32,5,31,0,3,3,2,24,14,1,5,13,155,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736893298523164,0.3069336601717257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647439723031996,0.0,0.05132703876883109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04257363543418051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695652534718872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515623337662746,0.0778407853690109,0.04399059648501871,0.16154305200692792,0.14355700351235395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643693567569411,0.0,0.0,0.08362878438246607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671093884930832,0.0,0.09315391779470593,0.0,0.04627366746387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947237107264969,0.04113546640284617,0.0,0.0,0.14902724984632834,0.0,0.09419734537798392,0.0,0.0,0.07599304752661294,0.15934260039770146,0.05620360663090402,0.25609425955363835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379217112388255,0.0,0.1948187955593257,0.0,0.0,0.07901522685106095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141110872518824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751193297492164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27234287183992995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583710066530593,0.16182045272458168,0.0,0.0,0.09039840891959887,0.0,0.07190563987274673,0.08009270183128356,0.0,0.0,0.08521406558766091,0.0,0.07665177139501901,0.08783810815444186,0.0,0.0,0.06965043198900545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134169218494238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959661314823118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644987649134154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661460965397311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395143488712464,0.0827252670881489,0.0,0.049097219112745234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858285820351173,0.0915845297033268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273350146931064,0.13894628350730698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597666382642262,0.0,0.09682490192552444,0.0,0.0,0.06129800602577511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069336601717257,0.05422151149923438
suicidewatch,Tainted_Scrotum,2019/02/19,"Emergency heroin shot Ever since I watched the nuclear documentary 'Threads' nuclear war has been on my mind, I started thinking about what I would do if it ever happened. 

Heroin od seems the best way to go tbh, fuck dying of 3rd degree burns and radiation sickness. I live in the UK so no matter where I am I will be fucked by it cos it's such a small country.

So how much heroin should an opiate naive person use to od comfortably without nausea ? 

Can a pre prepared heroin syringe be kept in a fridge long term and then be used straightaway?",4.46592857142857,6.0803154380952416,5.262083333333333,80.713125,70.80952380952381,7.5357142857142865,29.315476190476193,8.07648339933343,2.0959761904761898,431,17,78,6,8,140,82,105,0.263,0.654,0.083,-0.9727,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,3,0,7,0,11,3,0,4,2,17,21,7,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,7,2,9,13,3,13,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,2,6,52,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227214667112544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470396858160366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39169272500972496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003213861659722,0.0,0.0,0.12304804473101183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914597349848695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118295271739036,0.19160519434691986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186141301410308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916030814013607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904882956676825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710324883969715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909992395835794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324741826021646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873134178483792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739915323810895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185615003678725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870863003468734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153803019820612,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pupsout13,2019/02/19,"What's on the other side I should be so happy.
I have literally everything going for me right now. A wonderful spouse, a beautiful caring family, an amazing career ahead of me, the snuggliest pets I could ask for.
Why am I so unhappy? I don't understand.
I want it all to end right now. Just be over with. I wish it would happen in a random way so that I'm not to blame.
Why me? Why did I get chosen to be here? Why can't I just be happy with this life? Help. I don't understand.",-0.5601583710407247,1.5842026372549045,2.624901960784314,90.21821266968328,91.25490196078432,6.667873303167423,16.669683257918553,7.882392219407189,0.6277592760180992,367,9,83,9,13,131,66,102,0.044,0.662,0.294,0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,0,1,15,24,3,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,13,4,12,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,4,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554837480003346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957105234694247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279042389317885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730731094348734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494748071321006,0.0,0.15678866826732551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689365856343899,0.0,0.0945216648126232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707338856878635,0.3540946322690526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147863886411788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747446770140722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840672606935851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462832887725795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809795215586957,0.1320145268888704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6003001380143298,0.0,0.19125610109015573,0.0,0.1803634646970668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181466761087768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SurvivingMyDui,2019/02/20,My life feels over after my DUI I got a DUI back in August.  I'm currently on probation about 2 months in.  I feel worthless all the time and wish I would have died in my accident.  I actually wrote a suicide letter after I got the complaint but chickened out because my method of choice apparently only works 75 percent of the time and I didn't want to take the risk that I wouldn't be able to make it stick.  So I'm here until I can figure out a better way.  I put up a good front but inside I'm drowning and know how worthless I am.  I went from being a success to being a criminal overnight.  Three people know and one of them isn't even supportive--yet we live together.  There really doesn't seem like much of a point.  ,2.6384004474272937,4.112407107382552,4.299479865771811,86.35288870246087,75.24161073825503,7.382774049217002,24.497203579418343,8.07648339933343,1.3250935123042504,565,18,119,9,12,190,99,149,0.17600000000000002,0.726,0.098,-0.8198,2,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,3,7,7,0,1,11,0,11,1,0,2,1,23,27,9,3,4,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,3,0,2,5,2,17,4,20,17,3,22,0,2,0,0,4,9,0,1,10,77,19,2,0.1967916508997404,0.0,0.19204026374122424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513206323182287,0.0,0.11996236383441565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404622311693865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042386642391361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299790294330161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990075432448426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505950005806505,0.31478452096791704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163030895764242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899976285101895,0.09614246029937087,0.0,0.17377063313464974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135995508778953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707721824630833,0.0,0.14466450654887095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335111565761984,0.1496689182806677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643055235422152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860317187831404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782996337293712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606977070458816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791517280016101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152581255069003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796283045346964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295015883923476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607281439652893,0.15620405258684686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242783195524284,0.0,0.0,0.2263006865705824,0.0,0.0,0.1432666656322613,0.0,0.0,0.1397951425708771,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stranglebagel,2019/02/20,"being there for others instead of being there for yourself As a depressed and mildly suicidal person, it hurts me to see *so* many people - on reddit or not - going through similar things. Whether if it's debt, bullying, insecurity, abuse, or whatever sort of depression trigger, it's affecting people. Constantly, you want to see a friend, a loved one, or a stranger get better. You encourage them into not committing suicide, as there may be one more good day. It's terrifying because you will do your best to help someone before you help yourself. This life is cruel, and I sincerely wish you all the best in the second, minute, or day. ",6.358630434782612,7.858907417391308,6.844076086956522,71.59741847826089,66.13043478260869,9.923913043478262,34.375,10.125756701596842,3.83841304347826,503,23,81,12,8,164,82,115,0.23,0.516,0.255,0.453,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,6,1,3,5,13,1,1,6,0,7,2,0,2,2,19,14,11,2,3,8,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,3,0,2,9,8,13,9,4,7,0,3,2,1,13,3,0,7,3,64,16,0,0.0,0.19929758053420504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253731840234014,0.0,0.14313161783084666,0.0,0.3530453675779059,0.14876526625550218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177181969856102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169589715846081,0.0,0.2897525813111701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995617462669876,0.0,0.08788112282901438,0.0,0.09559581415641008,0.14108390308268834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549097636800314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006888355629586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188094539465535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518132254949477,0.0,0.0,0.17053531798402488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279625937409198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332268644832859,0.14687171029217388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680781211314937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252109574985658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679819278029225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174913938263296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099212742623684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342954583309885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tetsuo280,2019/02/20,"I don’t know what to title without sounding corny I hate this. I have no friends and get called faggot and other shit by people at school. I’ve been considering suicide sense like fucking eight grade and nothing has gotten better or changed since then. Everyone says it does eventually but I only have a good day like once a month if that these days. I used to tell myself it would get better and just move on but holy shit I don’t think I can take it anymore. I’m almost done with going to school  (I’m not going to collage) and I still have no ambition, careers I’m interested in, skills, talents nothing. I just wanna go to sleep forever and not have to deal with any of this anymore. I live far as shit away from my school so between getting there, the whole day, and getting back I have an 11 hour day. I try to pay attention in class through all of my thoughts about suicide and why I’m such a dumbass, I try to keep my grades up, just to come home exhausted after taking all the public transportation and drown my loneliness and depression in YouTube/ Twitch pretending to be other people or in their lives but once I turn that shit off I realize again that I’m not. I’m just a fucking retard with no friends and no one that cares about. And then I just realize that other people have it way worse than I do and are doing alright. I’m not poor or in a  abusive situation or something. I’m just a failure. ",2.5860179396575163,4.66790425441696,3.707296819787988,87.86980089698288,77.12720848056537,6.615330252786085,25.725604783908672,7.61054688173877,1.3639536287034524,1116,42,225,16,26,361,155,283,0.257,0.636,0.107,-0.9952,0,0,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,1,3,14,20,7,0,9,1,17,9,5,1,2,49,46,25,3,3,19,0,0,2,2,1,2,2,1,0,16,17,0,1,6,1,2,6,11,9,0,2,4,2,23,11,36,40,3,30,0,1,0,2,8,11,6,6,14,149,39,8,0.0,0.11172645446520348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442476434237973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412515284582568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703445246513747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859507928659316,0.0725085263318584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667959611124994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096287718868993,0.0,0.09614201499051757,0.0,0.09975365929458203,0.0812284642718789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243254901485418,0.09721600467527253,0.08121781633089498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251988773475921,0.09649850891756193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010476726928393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457071640105529,0.1743520032780731,0.19706503695205024,0.0,0.1607733723929045,0.0790917994653519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309870598999027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458751941984253,0.0,0.0928634913234568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381545304090468,0.0,0.0,0.05182313219928682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213744361794886,0.0,0.16653185141137727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526691794014859,0.10022272413511683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096091445123885,0.0,0.0,0.2008463273682314,0.06389804703372526,0.07171707212663588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612087551370316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074988711567183,0.0,0.286300612954618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871778157045606,0.07800340328593855,0.10599371155595233,0.09436504021941136,0.0,0.0,0.07259439141835039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530565816979554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062910949068688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179912710792045,0.0,0.08241968195066443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060421671670604235,0.0,0.07486123736660509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280428650243126,0.10256799277755103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144228004427047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484852188773193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508832148676597,0.10527916608044108,0.0,0.09089888525936328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609663797182352,0.06698584073353278,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yellowfish789,2019/02/20,"I tried to kill myself Last friday I tired to kill myself. I drove my car into a pole and well obviously it didn’t work i just have a concussion, bruising, and cuts. I’m only 16 and i told the police, my parents, and my friends that i hydroplaned. I’ve only told my best friend and my boyfriend what i was actually doing and i don’t even know how to feel right now. I haven’t acknowledged it at all since it happened but right now i can’t stop thinking about it. I’m not happy i lived but i’m not sad i didn’t die i feel numb about it. I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow. Is my therapist going to make me tell my parents?",-0.09818609022556404,2.0813858872180475,2.3796945488721843,92.806835056391,88.62406015037594,5.430263157894737,19.59069548872181,6.9077264865688965,0.3161281954887216,485,15,109,7,16,166,75,133,0.147,0.731,0.122,-0.5101,2,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,3,0,3,0,9,2,0,2,2,22,24,9,3,0,5,2,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,5,1,0,6,3,24,5,8,18,2,12,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,0,5,69,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.15089469271014422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227262156110608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604795259051663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213038309240516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636919831247376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23893052940368956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787869660975414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367370932264705,0.16460445772935042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34214610278570484,0.0,0.08497954438833362,0.1260425164515423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653942031777916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103215438633744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352032328246902,0.0,0.0,0.3433923494726241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641030568890453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321855346135872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790993887609378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927599181226096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515175026211976,0.0,0.0,0.35907021863683325,0.0,0.09907942480211752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772222182684666,0.0,0.29550749809236576,0.0,0.10498231069959073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390292066338781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125710778824888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orginalgangsta_,2019/02/20,I don’t want to live but I don’t want to die Does anyone else feel this way? I’ve been at a low point in life for a while now. I have many thoughts about not being alive and killing myself but I’m not sure if id ever be able to go though with it. I’d had to disappoint my family but also don’t see a point in being alive if I hate living,-0.2904642857142861,0.8668210250000001,2.289642857142855,99.00250000000004,82.5,5.571428571428572,15.178571428571427,6.18269132825596,-0.8961428571428569,262,3,71,2,7,91,55,80,0.344,0.627,0.029,-0.985,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,2,15,17,9,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,2,6,1,10,11,0,11,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,2,3,43,8,0,0.20600364187389195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474103797948553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404253622147492,0.2110750754839075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21379925648449635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027517523788766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208960897566972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634208800600932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942018997040859,0.0,0.10416163104831117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707661703272275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033859472847604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279125077546631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550646450700108,0.0,0.0,0.363809979872648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088553593100028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894800556646703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415823119206738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415599451318302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023975322034799,0.16354388081777751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24301257069507945,0.16351610223924307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HondaFit2009,2019/02/20,"I'm in pain of love... Hello, today i broke up with my bf. I'm really not good. In early December one of her friends became very close to him. I never wanted to tell him what to do, nor prevent him from being friends with anyone. During the holidays I learned that he was cheating on me. It destroyed me. I decided to give him a chance. I loved him so much. He started talking to her again without me knowing and I found out. I decided to go over it. Two days ago I discovered again by forcing him that he was still talking to her. He said he was just getting news from her. For this time, I believed it. But yet, I have not been able to overcome this time. Now I'm in my bed, and I miss him terribly. I loved him so much. I think he loved me too, but I have a hard time imagining myself deceiving anyone in any way loving someone as much as I loved him. I have sexual problems. He blamed my problems. He told me he loved me. My best friend and her family told me that my ex loved me. But now I'm not with him anymore. Today I am alone in my bed thinking about him. I miss him. I hope he miss me. I love him. But I hate him. And I hate this girl who loves her so much. I dream at night that I kill this girl. I go to school with my ex and this girl. I have desires to beat her. These desires do not stop. My biggest fear is that they end up together. That's what she always wanted. I hate her and love her. He has always been gentle and respectful to me, except during this time when he did not respect me by cheating on me. He has never been violent in his words or his actions with me. I miss him already. Today, I want to die. I mutilated myself. I loved him so much. It hurts me to know that I am so easily replaceable. I'm sad that he can not get her out of his life. I would have liked to be the woman of his life. Today, I'm in pain of love. I need support. I do not want to know that I will find another one and that it will get better. I want to hear new things. It really hurts, and I want to die.",-0.4920896750308508,1.5696893426573408,1.9386068833127648,96.14600987248049,89.13986013986013,5.136267653914714,18.20197449609214,6.615977163443126,-0.08582566844919802,1524,42,360,19,51,518,174,429,0.189,0.595,0.21600000000000005,0.9558,0,1,0,0,0,2,62.0,0,0,1,3,15,46,8,1,4,0,26,17,0,0,2,62,78,23,3,13,15,2,1,1,4,3,4,2,2,4,27,17,0,2,11,2,0,3,11,22,0,3,11,3,94,24,52,62,6,46,0,8,0,13,79,17,0,2,26,250,121,2,0.06019081336107834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335552433873352,0.0,0.0,0.06233953004254756,0.06642205928334018,0.0,0.1001671570038858,0.0,0.0,0.040931817116471786,0.06311531594278709,0.0,0.0,0.05969311310016472,0.08417363241636913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781443485410775,0.06316654514437095,0.05323388306330873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038818095156145295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493712272983433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331119505799791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674254199161771,0.06773139907342271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055013312963500205,0.0,0.0,0.06599612008394025,0.13950981927900272,0.0,0.09434164709087113,0.057740512822287676,0.06841565266187813,0.050485198513475146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053919146090914034,0.1782779005544556,0.0,0.0,0.06783942119300325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978305890544928,0.0,0.0,0.1288710211980933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659221697310606,0.0,0.09923789069246793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850291030615148,0.0294061910528032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7062192678401312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123586732070746,0.04463072543221281,0.09284573182001016,0.058132662616827785,0.0,0.056485000901852385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157370576792043,0.0,0.1280945383681359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518895887929527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711955262593731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057255247063953726,0.0,0.0,0.06091631655557165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099948083426956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260336749738743,0.0,0.04806846130180045,0.05032221513607283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830382170874258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675819158429498,0.052609423895072664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03998810184699581,0.07713568560651539,0.0,0.0,0.14039098925017496,0.0,0.22821541255690475,0.11502980317429898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879767858652265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966372471481356,0.213012607263384,0.04777666599427551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802179616589581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275782685290793,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Millermoop,2019/02/20,"Its finally time to say goodbye. Im not going to write a book here but im so depressed that im going to kill myself tonight. i tried to make today the best day of my life, i visited all my favorite childhood places and that brought back a lot of warm memories. I told some of my friends and family that i love them dearly and that that would never change, i told all my favorite co workers that they were the best people to come into work and see. i listened to all my favorite music and pretty much did everything i wanted to. in a sense it was the happiest ive been in over 5 years now. i feel like im happy because its finally about to end, i guess you could say im posting this because there is something to be learned here, hopefully if someone out there is like me they wont make the same mistake im about to make and kill myself. So, if your someone that happens to be reading this many years after it was posted then just know that there are always effective ways to combat suicide, you just have to have the will to do it. a strong will is something that dont have anymore sad to say. ",4.6061188369153,4.793043973451329,5.377395701643491,85.26150442477879,69.44247787610621,8.050063211125156,30.302149178255373,7.7094869923839395,1.82669633375474,862,32,180,9,14,281,124,226,0.109,0.623,0.267,0.9933,0,0,2,0,0,3,15.0,0,3,3,6,13,16,2,0,9,0,22,2,0,4,4,36,40,12,3,7,6,0,2,2,1,4,1,4,0,0,16,9,0,0,4,2,0,5,4,5,0,0,8,7,24,11,26,25,9,29,0,2,1,1,16,6,0,6,17,128,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838968776417439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343031463720057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244113947753036,0.0,0.11485823443174036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977337043045667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966095177937473,0.08115297341630523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521846325395087,0.0,0.0,0.06075720725052015,0.0,0.08114233537114024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104126024934023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344148041996109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466924766127541,0.0,0.08881214726890797,0.0,0.047635054706097885,0.06730314550378845,0.0,0.2064033749355143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278587446843594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708263687944704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378216945616144,0.0,0.08330897627523544,0.10028755577727744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357109578349347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6105732874198776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845727291005905,0.0,0.05177496961707749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665428174187012,0.09205181434363673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009338118791641,0.08502757491334692,0.0,0.1886563256277848,0.09551344738236048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925467820089491,0.0,0.07266002295866822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531286924115041,0.0,0.09842867110885807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045294248812,0.09584473088499393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942347982387918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247570591498202,0.0,0.0,0.07507261785929169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964647488510822,0.14505384952810887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304968763759678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549342026937924,0.0,0.08929940445756092,0.18004205418464514,0.0,0.0639619332620016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556708829742004,0.07477896032447477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858549523981286,0.0,0.0,0.06692358646744978,0.0,0.0,0.1213354058291058
suicidewatch,ChickenInDaRoom,2019/02/20,I don't want to be here Every night I go to bed crying because I feel stuck here. I don't want to be here for another year let alone another 40 or 50. Every year the feeling just gets worse and worse and I just wish I done it years ago. My life will never hold any value and I've accepted that and i want to go. This isn't my place. I know I'll never be happy here. ,-0.23984939759036195,1.3247350602409682,2.388780120481929,96.415218373494,83.93975903614458,5.595783132530121,16.399096385542173,6.6274283507984215,-0.4568060240963861,282,5,71,3,8,98,50,83,0.258,0.6679999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9136,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,2,18,20,5,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,2,10,2,5,13,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510428265637169,0.0,0.0,0.17647542482202952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587286284379862,0.3573431556567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386979389639303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716835380457347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743708668471986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871263573833225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231131364834876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902314062686661,0.0,0.1936761691937829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813861722756936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364335869734934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423805589250704,0.12035338632466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628346725531222,0.0,0.0,0.1599019839165242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802408041800216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015060454706437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594316851861765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472893882446044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32918189082806354
suicidewatch,THe_swamp-ape,2019/02/20,"I don't know what to do..... I'm a 25 year old male who moved to another state lost contact with my friends and family for a woman who i love and i think she is cheating on me i have dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past and i don't know what to do. I'm in a situation where after 6 years together and 3 years of living together she said she doesn't want to live with me anymore, she said she still wants to be together but since then she has gotten very cold and distant going out till almost 4 in the morning multiple times a week not communicating with me and when ever i try and broach any type of conversation i am either meet with a 2 word response or anger and agitation. I'm feeling like i have no value or purpose in life im hanging by a thread and dont know what to do. ",3.7540667025282417,4.122783857988164,5.4834749865519115,83.11309844002153,71.36686390532545,8.98569123184508,28.38138784292631,9.095868883498916,2.0666402366863905,628,22,139,12,11,216,103,169,0.126,0.7959999999999999,0.078,-0.7757,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,8,0,13,2,0,0,1,32,30,16,1,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,5,16,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,4,18,3,23,24,1,24,0,2,0,1,17,7,0,3,14,88,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322190256704275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110846233218508,0.1709207048088423,0.0,0.0,0.1616531393515124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039247644613415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191035895430052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744368816654446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536627857277008,0.0,0.08241817622388434,0.1164479088095364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259341269903306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263719430260987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606899341479415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687431722004695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513238908375205,0.07963402900564881,0.0,0.28786564430087114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793478825474868,0.0,0.14711471827491496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732442101149476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104207373053268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560284745704575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31010245408725523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348360674205134,0.1832198934336135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017276649978046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829657943994034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044444248819892,0.0,0.1294045442061659,0.09504716277267078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066694306815067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449285177282455,0.1922843630096069,0.0,0.13074952728504952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149017962145724
suicidewatch,mageick,2019/02/20,I don’t think I want to live anymore It just seems so pointless now. Everyday the same. Every emotion unchanging. Why should I keep going when I have done it all before? I don’t want to feel like this anymore and I don’t know of any other way to make it stop. I just need something fast to take the pain away. Anything would be better than the day to day hell that I experience. ,0.8375641025641016,3.1739425000000026,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,85.53846153846153,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.13175897435897446,297,9,64,3,9,96,55,78,0.129,0.768,0.102,-0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,17,19,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,8,2,8,15,2,10,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,8,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363629382191906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977310985547841,0.0,0.0,0.16501385398955065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839854233686135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706308318220819,0.0,0.0,0.17734684699371348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25864229269381506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520528413252898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22556208337273756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894979882279956,0.0,0.0,0.19615057835997587,0.0,0.0,0.10139076760868554,0.14325411458453968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396219462491156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823460744506225,0.0,0.0,0.11020253770633028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979657121594401,0.0,0.17706603070510524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385107380585282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868572380925096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337127022734406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254917300454068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543728797939958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764672562977118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507688071780653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848743925692138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23654805357172404,0.15916631638311854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094137808873548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244622673210344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tristenelm,2019/02/20,I can't do it I just can't find the will do keep going. Every time I feel things start to go right something happens. :'( idk how to deal with it anymore,-1.4309090909090898,0.5630192424242431,0.5718787878787914,102.7178181818182,99.0,2.64,15.690909090909093,3.1291,-1.3669345454545452,117,3,28,0,5,38,26,33,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,11,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32492835476992943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33777986932466353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760487191958478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566336113851848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29945473344100104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724078759744506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897287534971145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912192582909691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798006293014706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522313494460127,0.0,0.0,0.2319035042678413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176677922914506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910480572735296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LAborWavee,2019/02/20,I have been under constant pain for the past week. I have had anxiety for a long time now and I think it is safe to say that I have it under control. Recently I have been thinking about the mistakes I have made as a teenager and I have been stressing out about it for almost two weeks. I'm in an uncontrollable amount of worry and I just don't know what to do. I have been having serious thought of suicide and I don't want to go back to a hospital. I no longer take medicine because it was making me manic and it made reality weird. I just want it to stop and live my life. I know my problems aren't as bad as some people's and I'm sorry that it's even worse for people. I just am so sorry for the things I have done. I just want to run away from everything which is Suicide. ,1.7496557659208278,3.239723036144582,3.4644061962134245,91.34337349397593,77.67469879518072,6.429604130808951,23.302925989672985,7.1686216300943375,0.68956247848537,608,19,138,7,14,203,90,166,0.26,0.706,0.034,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,2,7,0,23,2,0,4,0,30,38,11,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,8,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,10,1,19,1,24,28,2,17,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,10,103,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588587800501368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145121963250004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687903823390898,0.11202537915178264,0.12164372029553926,0.08881029035242549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743739291069184,0.16340191759232162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908980496438234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622580761751333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309353309481366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279806946378586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601330581975232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290401841994858,0.0,0.0,0.1286455175617808,0.1289296406605973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27570775455341257,0.09724813165678302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550227188236159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390760533012859,0.20200397158303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394041136446457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384970921012055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158572552829048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261724499855329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218020175879955,0.16688555858892176,0.0,0.0,0.31871890509550305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953953818447076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678889276451763,0.18670247542763652,0.0,0.11566030815993544,0.08495207184146814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231638774174676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25779236134779043,0.0,0.23372487744266016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479536319930008,0.1484689159828524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YaboiIan15,2019/02/20,"My best friend punches me and i will do nothing about it There is my friend who insults me and hits me in the face. He's always laughing about me. But i won't do anything about it, i'm scared of losing him because he is the only person that doesn't see me as invisible. I started hitting myself and having the thoughts. My family doesn't care about me and i just want everything to be over. My life is a mess and i can't do something ",1.1900241545893702,3.1624951521739137,3.018405797101451,91.62900966183577,81.17391304347827,5.393236714975847,23.265700483091784,6.42735559955562,0.5266555555555552,342,12,74,3,9,114,59,92,0.136,0.71,0.153,0.3964,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,1,4,0,13,2,1,0,0,9,21,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,17,5,9,15,1,3,0,1,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008356843619075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776951018561507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390945188027882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649621613839033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25742016569356874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269127252936657,0.0,0.2380156542383849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901308112383116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783340760225299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824605148370026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422613494562814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202240135821028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204557792226376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25277650465849383,0.0,0.20119385472197776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437142303683425,0.0,0.0,0.17870662877857996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004409011901585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891923325743894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeaWaThrow,2019/02/20,"My life may have reached a tipping point of what I can endure I’m a law student and my life before the past 24 hours was already extremely stressful. My workload from class is roughly the peak of what I can sanely handle, and that’s not factoring in the stress I’m experiencing for not one but two job searches - one for this summer, and one for after I graduate next year. I feel like this quarter is a crucial one for getting my career on track, and it’s been pushing me to the max. As a result of all this stress, I have been drinking heavily at night. Last night I got particularly drunk (I did not eat dinner) and emotional. Namely, I worked myself up into a rage over a couple of minor things my SO said or did to me. I ended up doing something very malicious in my stupor, and I’m genuinely concerned it has ended my relationship of 3 years. My SO was the one person who was helping me bear the load of my life, and now she might be gone. 

I don’t see how I can handle this alone. Clearly, I have failed in my life - I can’t take the pressure and stress without negatively impacting the lives of those I care about. The only paths I can see ahead of me are radically changing the trajectory of my life or ending it as an apology to all those who I have hurt. And I’m more scared of the former than the latter. I’m debating drinking again tonight so I can have the courage to finish my miserable existence once and for all. 

There just isn’t any other way to end this.  ",6.169312080536916,5.4394346812080565,7.037508389261749,77.78028942953024,66.28187919463087,9.866107382550336,32.383389261744966,9.188382445141503,2.6246369127516784,1157,41,234,18,16,388,164,298,0.14,0.7879999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9749,1,1,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,1,7,20,0,28,10,0,2,4,30,42,19,0,0,8,0,2,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,17,11,5,0,1,3,0,2,8,10,0,7,10,6,35,3,37,29,4,33,0,3,2,0,9,10,0,4,21,173,52,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353796665421397,0.1103185242893059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798250023394709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506644632148877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192528620242458,0.0,0.1057541832708856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106140446232758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586356116845213,0.0,0.10229347323007776,0.0,0.11245192121783353,0.3541722391839652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054744326202488,0.07141803341464517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222979332659649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799545205872583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700726341211989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844954811726432,0.0,0.10701912162632506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992040290576654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148826006264608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530560958436874,0.048839913078821164,0.0,0.08827465608349479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605154838270137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631840357359698,0.18762868875808547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646396064057906,0.3387086661503189,0.0760310994400133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954319358132703,0.0,0.08728927017704596,0.0,0.0,0.0945032293430058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732953385916788,0.0,0.0,0.09509362449861944,0.0,0.10008663273581746,0.0,0.159325056523487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696119248942285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580576321336402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516441492907268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641511016803886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765540549762844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248507920956236,0.0,0.07935091662045941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636676427528323,0.0,0.072778785510422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287538049376137
suicidewatch,BonglordFourTwenny,2019/02/20,"It’s aight I’ll stick around for a little while longer, give the world things I have to offer and see what else is on, if it doesn’t work out I can just sleep for a while later on. I’m happy with that, I don’t care too much :)",0.7398076923076928,1.4850633653846188,2.187692307692309,102.53230769230773,78.80769230769229,5.2,13.0,3.1291,-1.7198615384615383,173,0,48,0,4,56,42,52,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,8,9,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,3,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30118727929750555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449521013834571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826330366989124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32455895762868425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601607874671381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390976244069332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248713005749303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696068615479029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385764166065266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477279848475748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24630978173656354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckassjack,2019/02/20,"I wanted to get some of this off my chest. I can't talk to anybody about it so why not tell reddit. I feel like shit. I've felt like shit for about a year now.  During summer of 2018 I tried to kill myself. A lot happened that day. I was running from the cops for no good reason. I fell into a dirty fountain (not important), but the biggest thing that happened was me, sitting on the edge of a bridge contemplating whether or not to let myself fall. I regret it now. I don't know what the regret is. Is it the regret of going to the bridge, or not just jumping. It hurts knowing that i let myself get to a point like that.

​

The biggest thing right now is I feel myself getting back to that point. I want to die. I'm probably too young to be thinking this way. I'm just so anxious, depressed, angry, etc. and I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I have good friends, good family, a great support system. It just doesn't seem to help that much. I'm too scared to reach out to the people I know care about me because i don't want them to know that it's getting this bad again. I don't want to make them worry. 

​

I've just been rambling. I don't know what I need, I don't know what I want, I don't know how much longer I'm gonna be able to handle feeling like this. I just wanted to get all this off my chest, cause I don't really talk to anyone about it.",1.2924310842740852,2.905722733788398,2.739470989761092,95.49365909687585,79.34129692832765,5.190286164347596,20.484247834077188,5.634304966280588,-0.2108528747702807,1063,27,246,5,26,346,133,293,0.191,0.665,0.14400000000000002,-0.9683,0,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,0,2,0,19,21,3,1,15,0,21,5,5,4,1,48,59,8,2,10,13,0,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,24,4,0,0,15,0,0,5,15,10,0,0,5,4,34,11,35,49,6,28,0,5,0,0,7,11,2,5,13,160,58,0,0.09075462070471324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666518723335352,0.22055359548895487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252688912057577,0.0,0.06345774094677124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069784701373509,0.07577631746539623,0.05532317442765842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253038428685903,0.09322999497456867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852922241209465,0.0,0.0781668218289211,0.0,0.09418896798474152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121539198630856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555537944600174,0.0,0.13766478929863735,0.12967023833015556,0.08713866810157199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011679482989103,0.0,0.2844932613562719,0.0,0.0515779423875434,0.2283620100698954,0.0,0.10005728971890264,0.0,0.0,0.16050802273488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314042355174296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060830909233068726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715469849610688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040654139404263,0.0,0.34913456270655024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560549696848874,0.0,0.17735249393344796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715633310719862,0.0,0.0,0.06057941404157523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343017715691727,0.06729340130492144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291782692422257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715849021035074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784883084585423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813973392831656,0.0933108652451791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750395020700221,0.0,0.0,0.09086120759700758,0.0,0.0,0.08261959818439395,0.0,0.0,0.1863166279488897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298726808479587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589025279703158,0.07932353866774958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058667471578854,0.05815189643660845,0.0,0.07204903145003712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061616430168738474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32117655997669536,0.0720367936355224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189192920775369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216572265975954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055359548895487,0.0584430002267155
suicidewatch,throwaway9107910791,2019/02/20,"How do you keep your head afloat? I don't even know how to type this all out. It all feels very surreal.  


I work too hard, my therapist says I'm going to die by 35 if I keep it up. I'm trying to make changes in my life but I don't know if I can keep afloat until then. I constantly feel like I'm drowning with these heavy emotions. Anxiety. Depression. It all feels like a lot.

​

I'm supposed to see a psychiatrist next month to get medication but next month feels like so far away.

​

So now I'm at this point where I've done a bunch of coke so that I could get all my work done (which I completed so at least I won't be letting my clients or my work down) & now I'm staring at a pile of pills I've amassed from my medicine cabinet & trying to think of a million reasons not to swallow them all with my drink.

​

Honestly, I can't believe I'm at this point. It feels so damn surreal.

​

Fuck.",1.5327607709750597,3.3514426275510227,2.925034013605444,93.4858390022676,79.35714285714286,6.600453514739229,25.174603174603178,7.594959193182576,1.0815916099773248,729,28,168,11,18,237,105,196,0.105,0.823,0.07200000000000001,-0.757,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,1,3,12,7,2,0,5,0,11,8,1,4,5,31,35,14,2,3,6,0,6,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,3,3,3,9,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,9,20,4,24,29,8,23,0,1,2,1,4,13,2,4,12,98,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200459975280242,0.38880975390372696,0.0,0.0,0.06119580342785229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515774833847709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901267466631203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462389199801666,0.0,0.08387302636050813,0.08644596066804051,0.0,0.06386933896387338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889940445396478,0.0,0.08302197336979561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372490902803272,0.0,0.07836445015234253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998338355781367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052835811281965656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022388735405741,0.17144490438485138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395390404411391,0.08358796319625947,0.0,0.04546288860560798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165962866876599,0.0,0.08209774381450889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330916267300046,0.0,0.0,0.08792610062114438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818001033258048,0.056502693321149836,0.11724425649398915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800871874479647,0.0,0.0,0.05339715050421022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058634562489088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770217312993667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015075570803526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124188615596787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224797803021715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361507611456996,0.0,0.0,0.06374549903754627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928801289803479,0.0,0.051257438112554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862243708710312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600408814654922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471150249456782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38880975390372696,0.0
suicidewatch,throw__me__away1,2019/02/20,"I own nothing I honestly can’t handle anything anymore and my entire life situation is horrible. My own father sleeps in my bed because “his room is too loud” and he says if I want my room to myself then we have to move. Multiple times he’s told me “I OWN this room, this house.” While legally that is true I just want my own space and he’s threatened me with it before. Once during a suicidal episode of mine I told him I was going to call a hotline and he laughed in my face, hysterically. 

I tried to leave my room and take a breather outside only for him to tackle me to the ground and take my phone out of my hands so I can’t call my mom. 

And my mom isn’t that much better in terms of behaviour either. I once accidentally stained a towel with turmeric and I tried apologizing while I was simultaneously playing on the computer. Things began to escalate extremely quickly and she begins saying things of concern, so I get my shoes and start to go outside because, 

she won’t say anything she’d regret in front of the neighbours 

While I walk through the door she yelled “the second you’re out this door, you better not come back”

she slammed the door on my foot (I was wearing slip-ons because they were the first thing I saw) and I still have a purple bruise underneath my toenail four months later. 

A note I’d like to add for the next part
I’m transgender (FTM) a year ago went by a different name

She yells “YOU B$%CH” out on the street followed by my dead-name (old name.) 

After all these events I of course forgave them as I always do and part of me wants to tell my psychiatrist, but I don’t want them to punish me for it. 

Thank you to anyone reading this far, advice would be nice if you have any. ",3.3011552540912987,4.798101904069767,4.3004005167958645,86.92349698535746,73.56395348837209,7.073040482342807,25.822136089577953,7.662118739084242,1.2465309216192932,1341,45,280,17,27,435,187,344,0.059,0.866,0.075,0.3313,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,4,3,3,7,11,1,0,17,0,19,8,7,0,2,36,39,22,1,8,6,3,1,1,1,2,1,6,8,0,12,20,0,0,0,2,0,8,6,2,0,3,9,9,60,9,40,26,10,48,0,1,2,0,37,19,0,2,22,186,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965178907605566,0.09946873333341573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933689655595127,0.0,0.0,0.07630767482974223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128366598191787,0.07846089697642279,0.0,0.18468102370157236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628372493735785,0.0,0.20520928531720914,0.0,0.09548373040832196,0.0,0.0,0.1984839239929464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291609958176045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096660280147486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723714515203955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544705324921428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058625882717982,0.0,0.12754477431900507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947701696012773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881578723426138,0.0,0.0,0.07925830813985116,0.054820875859322264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26284152909689323,0.08956615687798128,0.11926307703688065,0.08248837121570585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193382141049905,0.0,0.0,0.1076699703939718,0.0,0.11774710394268065,0.23900319234187425,0.0,0.08534190994816078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302826122027396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224187622401163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677052902436438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261304389379808,0.11229254800641204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942388446601349,0.0,0.08961225699182952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274117948905255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873818154488576,0.0,0.09807780583358852,0.10330928249637862,0.0,0.0,0.2236450239272099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654314339761934,0.0,0.0,0.21444581342129931,0.0,0.1523684993318477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264741024053694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402119415045916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797118373375396,0.0,0.0,0.07226053356717688
suicidewatch,JoeTheRapper,2019/02/20,"The fuck is the point I have nothing to gain from what I'm doing in life, passed up so many useful opportunities and let my easy preventable illness affect so bad to the point that it's completely ruined any chance at redeeming my life. I have no way out of this endless cycle of the same miserable day repeating over and over and I just want it to end.  ",9.110657276995305,6.302803633802823,8.930140845070426,73.19079812206573,61.95774647887324,12.283568075117373,36.342723004694854,10.504223727775694,3.463615962441315,282,9,57,5,3,92,53,71,0.245,0.613,0.142,-0.8766,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,4,0,5,4,0,2,0,10,9,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,12,8,1,13,0,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795959123804667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850195964002175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743791716580492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876974523193786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317815125074236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24193011523496316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675978865434752,0.3696817168196424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653146994475635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511006129157472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947672123467662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601793871773,0.0,0.0,0.15435277162374655,0.20771899588197004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lola17lala,2019/02/20,"I’m 17. I became deaf in my right ear when I was 13, now it’s happening to my left ear. I can’t keep up with conversations anymore and people just ignore me when I say I can’t hear. I don’t know what to do. Everyone I care about gets too frustrated with my hearing to talk to me. I feel so lonely. Things only seem to get worse...",0.10798434442270023,1.7401733013698646,2.863444227005872,93.10753424657534,83.10958904109589,6.36320939334638,18.647749510763205,7.447530270364453,0.21769823874755367,253,6,62,4,7,89,51,73,0.134,0.8190000000000001,0.047,-0.7133,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,9,16,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,13,1,10,15,0,7,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350971323092882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416957060135253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265183992917344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198632885085104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477052995061781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962897849572326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343615888564875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070741131817294,0.0,0.0,0.13028048690236274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575634390116885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029275112009868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643456764660431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244563024881806,0.0,0.18851747164923172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580805340464584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053766998824592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574903298299335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415816306993027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3iffel65,2019/02/20,"I don't see the point in living Here's all I get:

> see a therapist and you'll get better 

Why? I don't want to get better, because that means living. 



If I want something (death), I'm not going out of my way NOT to do it. That just seems a lot of wasted time to me. 





No one has never given me a valid reason for staying alive, only BS reasons that don't make any sense. 


",0.6249477351916397,1.8944035853658576,3.0810104529616744,93.8376829268293,80.21951219512195,5.173519163763067,17.811846689895468,5.288315135182226,-0.5613714285714289,282,5,67,1,7,98,58,82,0.1,0.792,0.107,0.3728,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,3,2,16,19,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,8,2,8,17,2,8,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,3,2,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271762151109313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400225150131214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307981047792327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29312193910687506,0.0,0.10628460172099682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33027430919088463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589929678259457,0.0,0.0,0.12483357411821044,0.0,0.0,0.2037135229506684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423704582274416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267258074887917,0.14223288970292014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678907045555098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845639313917512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980525516311366,0.1702508995298318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439728332665996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933248319454955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171381498018889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090496092423156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206118945365758,0.14844333772140236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875142119109116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Sil3nt,2019/02/20,"I feel useless I have thought about doing this post for a while but never actually did it because I couId'nt translate my emotions into words, I will try to do it this time around.


I am a 19 year old boy from Portugal, currently in college. I am an extremely shy and awkward person and I have lately been feeling really down.


I feel like I will never become a useful part of society. I cannot imagine myself working anywhere due to my very low social skills. Being awkward for as long as I remember myself alive has affected me in a couple of ways. I have never had a girlfriend and I currently have about 4-5 friends that I don't see IRL for about 2 years. I haven't been able to make friends in college, in fact I've barely spoken to anyone IRL outside my family for maybe a year or so. I do not leave home unless strictly necessary. I've never gone out for drinks with friends. When I leave the house I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging every single movement I do or how I look, which makes me really self-aware and even more awkward. This has made me left the bus on my way to college for literally no reason a couple of times.


And the most frustrating part of it is that I cannot find a reason for why I am so useless and sad. My parents are amazing, they work really hard for me to be able to go to college and I'm not even enjoying the major I'm pursuing but I don't have the courage to tell them they just wasted 1000 euros on me. I have never ever been bullied. I've had amazing classmates especially in high school that would try to integrate me into their social events and were overall very friendly. There's no reason for me to be sad.


I would be lying if I said I haven't had suicidal thoughts, I have, but I think I will never kill myself because I am too much of a coward to go through the painful process of it. But if there was a magic button in front of me that would erase me without pain I would press it without thinking twice.


Sorry for the wall of text. It felt good to write this though",4.16916464891041,4.9438886343825725,5.305357142857143,83.29716404358355,70.64648910411623,7.933898305084746,29.277845036319608,8.07648339933343,1.9257036319612588,1598,60,320,21,28,530,207,413,0.151,0.7020000000000001,0.147,0.2579,3,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,4,3,16,23,2,3,18,0,46,3,0,9,8,64,68,26,2,6,14,1,7,2,5,7,2,1,1,2,15,14,1,0,15,1,1,5,18,12,0,1,15,11,54,11,56,42,7,47,0,5,3,0,17,18,0,5,23,236,69,7,0.16079096311400767,0.0,0.07845439281199768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621438999271057,0.0,0.0,0.07156902341763048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801667870653624,0.08879049302751461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779121423926532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875696504637457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043409581564456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620091468111252,0.07272231579649248,0.06773666064046294,0.07682132790038987,0.0,0.0,0.07578970499731573,0.0,0.16260148435663632,0.11486909617620066,0.07719226998981865,0.0,0.07348001365614915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845339848530584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913812097668896,0.06743191559222772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201856019318319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494224028320517,0.08064322304856851,0.0,0.0,0.09276559161280776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894568876125637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068960497699324,0.17025441355544926,0.08734992594568894,0.0,0.0,0.07855434271224199,0.0,0.0,0.07114747127968263,0.13502391277690418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607214853065825,0.10732921644089086,0.0,0.08076806711118246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059099929367065235,0.0,0.37203570960592297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843615339184191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109292135911905,0.0,0.08926966810526163,0.17412094408750006,0.0,0.0,0.07019823349729289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699664796788536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451021238812812,0.24797983466743545,0.0,0.0,0.09107240844159073,0.0,0.07647451334074021,0.0,0.0,0.08136451944560212,0.06406478996284595,0.0,0.08387002086697608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390613801127726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999615952804561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793960810868959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026919445511105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302835670892407,0.07898815243960104,0.12765006418765468,0.0937585036384509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916650935839273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943588324842251,0.0,0.1326693839609672,0.0,0.12762838231661655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254441738796785,0.0,0.0,0.15499675060300405,0.0,0.11705773615812573,0.0,0.0,0.2284425737561715,0.0,0.0,0.15531616275992646
suicidewatch,ZiggyandNico,2019/02/20,"I just found out my little brother is suicidal I don't know what to do, he's 16 and depression runs in my family, I have severe chronic depression too.  He also goes to the same school I used to which my sister's psychiatrist once said that every psych in our city calls our old school The Depression Factory because they put so much pressure on their students.

I knew he was depressed (we don't live together or even see each other that much) but last night my sister told me that our dad came home and found him standing on the balcony with a noose.  I can't stop crying thinking about it and I don't know how to help him.  He's seeing a psychologist and I've invited him over to play video games with me and hang out whenever he wants I just don't know how to let him know that suicide isn't the answer?  I just keep thinking about losing my baby brother and I can't bear it",4.9638181818181835,5.126508311111113,5.738484848484847,83.06590909090913,68.66666666666667,8.98989898989899,28.58585858585859,8.841846274778883,1.9945555555555559,696,22,145,11,11,228,105,180,0.138,0.794,0.068,-0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,4,0,2,1,11,7,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,3,0,35,29,12,2,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,9,13,0,2,10,3,0,4,7,6,0,0,7,3,27,1,17,21,4,17,0,5,2,0,25,8,0,1,4,92,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380835484355112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913047166108059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254968695012492,0.14846712106970092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258928954222388,0.0,0.0,0.4472178282291655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573773954038509,0.0,0.1093698332969316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223725427679039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846581328231909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700835750991535,0.0,0.13020919215613888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538036410718636,0.0,0.0,0.2853589234629771,0.10581180760635628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327386820256566,0.0,0.0,0.13010290107722472,0.11462388470245015,0.0,0.0,0.14522326921201673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908493675838278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181712249740463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621289880681486,0.13824254084761764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049408005999774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234782567734736,0.0,0.0,0.2627476419389557,0.20688222100673995,0.0,0.0,0.14664742538704426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852628746918726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839803494328013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635296295342766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403823493323507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211345383579087,0.0,0.0,0.07656481796994544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sugarydash,2019/02/20,"My Debt Won... Gonna Do It Tonight I just can’t deal. I can’t find a job that fits what I need. I found a good job but it’s 45 mins away driving and I can’t afford a car. I can’t afford my rent. My bills. I’ve applied to so many damn jobs. I’m done I’m tired of over it. I’m tired of being in debt borrowing from people. 

And before anyone comments “well did you apply to x y and z” yes I applied everywhere. Close to home, next state over, anywhere. Please I beg do not give job search advice 99.9% of the time it’s very unhelpful and quite condescending. I’m sorry if that’s rude but I’m just really upset right now. 

So yeah, I’m gonna go write my eulogy ",-2.4545054945054936,-0.8744392108843488,0.6626190476190494,100.38206043956043,107.77551020408166,3.8941915227629518,12.456567242281528,5.873414542411696,-1.0604252223966508,504,10,126,6,26,175,91,147,0.182,0.7190000000000001,0.099,-0.9188,9,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,2,1,4,2,9,2,0,0,0,15,22,9,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,5,3,5,3,1,0,4,0,13,3,11,15,0,16,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,5,58,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272507716970066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092818151577682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683988627100258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299153819503212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112844172823598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599392448077012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284650729471304,0.0,0.0,0.17136425241737555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992790184335428,0.08882338201956312,0.13108889265612636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677191900620313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6203760467276416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845383849484182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588728077966845,0.0,0.0,0.1662165123985093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835201867379406,0.0,0.0,0.1715598217470039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623397747755828,0.0,0.0,0.10012357139857166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347106647907594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749542007256188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113413367480072,0.359265428634939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895586963584793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052375386900134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lostsoul2030,2019/02/20,I don’t know how How I haven’t killed myself up until now is beyond me. ,2.5852941176470594,1.8276887058823517,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,73.70588235294119,6.8000000000000025,17.0,3.1291,-0.725541176470589,56,0,14,0,1,20,14,17,0.273,0.727,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8955904980243916,0.0,0.4448793767398331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thAtgirl-zzz,2019/02/20,"I’m so close. I don’t know why I’m posting this, I guess in some sense what I’m about to do isn’t right, but I have no idea how to carry on like I am. 

Things have been so hard. I’ve lost most of my family, I’m failing at being a parent, everyone I hoped for is falling away. I know this sounds stupid, and pathetic - some have it so much worse, but I cannot seem to drag myself out of bed anymore. I can see my entire life falling down the drain, all the things I fought for. But I cannot conjure up the strength to fake the person I am to the rest of the world anymore. 

It is 1am here, and I am staring at the pills trying to convince myself that they are the best option. I know they are not, but thinking of carrying on tomorrow in my lie of a life, it seems the easier option. I have just hit my 10 year anniversary of the diagnosis of my illnesses, and I cannot see a way out. 

Please remove if this triggers anyone. I’m just at my breaking point, but I can’t bring myself to admit it to my outside world. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but the hurt I feel inside is so strong. It’s unbearable. ",2.2924789915966386,2.9617604327731115,4.148991596638656,90.25189075630252,74.92436974789916,7.280672268907563,23.243697478991603,7.5105763829236425,0.7435731092436977,845,22,199,10,17,288,120,238,0.194,0.6659999999999999,0.141,-0.9442,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,5,9,13,2,0,14,0,23,4,0,2,1,36,45,15,0,3,10,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,12,6,0,0,9,0,0,4,9,7,0,0,3,6,30,6,31,40,7,26,0,4,3,0,6,17,0,10,3,137,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026346677998452,0.21337351966456453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335296003070186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012221019327166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579573950315333,0.0,0.0,0.14383786884206415,0.0,0.07714850909250523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680829316420127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668078290617802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154533942257478,0.0,0.0,0.32667787508308177,0.17224307929424626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515602263235748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554207028171665,0.07454237514460707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655796401335976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216309509551807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942088391759794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332260668264354,0.0,0.16748588475738452,0.14423643962458113,0.0,0.14612847156583508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030160226982238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431713609756521,0.2778043181944246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273336889140328,0.09776643978121097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359110155920646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999502662917631,0.12111008029937904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767878360054372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554910003262934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825585083931132
suicidewatch,XManeEX,2019/02/20,"I don't know what else there is i should wait for. So I'm going to be 23 in a few days, I've been lost in life for a long time, I don't know who I am, I don't know who I want to be, everyone else seems like they know what they're doing and I'm just drifting and never getting anywhere. 

I've already come to terms with the idea that none of my friends are really a big reason for me to stick around. I know everyone says ""your family will be devastated if something happens to you"". However at this point I don't even think they're worth me sticking around. I feel like they're better off without me.

I'm trying to see a silver lining, to see if there's any beacon of hope that's more than just a shiny mirage, it's all fake. I don't know how to think or change my mind, short of 23, doesn't sound too bad at this point. 

I'm writing this because I believe others have a way of explaining things to you when you can't understand them. I don't know what to do and now I just feel like a lost cause, a dead weight to everyone around me. ",4.0599183117767215,3.4670069115044235,5.130707964601771,89.24182777399594,70.5929203539823,8.546766507828455,25.791695030633093,7.882392219407189,1.0712209666439765,806,19,195,9,13,267,121,226,0.095,0.8190000000000001,0.086,-0.4071,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,2,3,14,10,0,0,9,0,20,2,0,3,2,41,49,9,1,5,7,0,3,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,13,8,1,1,16,0,1,3,11,4,0,0,3,8,25,6,29,41,5,23,0,2,3,0,12,12,0,5,10,118,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616548536535238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774800464039168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30533257748854603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546038656215533,0.06969422364872115,0.0,0.0,0.12881023534137145,0.0,0.10111518322421717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744792643855075,0.12094548896246535,0.09848477137084964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373309212594507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101531286441786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551357990454573,0.0,0.0,0.3277403118531387,0.0,0.0,0.10777971096466636,0.0,0.11561689669464127,0.1633540859551024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833071549059253,0.0,0.059732463500881634,0.0,0.06497610972773768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110123062918627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355502561666687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906412929672795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43982765899644105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075433202224801,0.1675669080552164,0.0,0.0,0.10117804114243067,0.0,0.0,0.24960838706438665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544023912878584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817798593991337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161567311648555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324242799146871,0.1175498040112816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909194354502324,0.0,0.0,0.1822116749353266,0.10408131516675773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801646203370764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595546318195491,0.14651549979836534,0.0,0.0,0.06666647154115297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762224979029693,0.0,0.0,0.11902107846266022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743452219109561,0.09074946364720683,0.0,0.13922257363547302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020959232554024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Synyzy,2019/02/20,"Suicde Prevention Hotlines. UK [116 123](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.samaritans.org/&ved=2ahUKEwiAg671qsvgAhWnxYUKHYPVB5EQ0kMoATAAegQIDRAE&usg=AOvVaw00mEtZI6-mRBBfXgUtOyC0)

France - [01 46 21 46 46](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/france-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwjF7J-Vq8vgAhXqzoUKHWOgDtsQFjACegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw1rFtEHP605chO8yFst-mv8)

Germany - [0800 181 0771](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/germany-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwiSmba-q8vgAhWpyoUKHXILChcQFjABegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw2sktoGdN0ZALKSf6i-IVOG)

Spain - [914590050](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://ibpf.org/resource/suicide-hotline-spain&ved=2ahUKEwjkjtjHrMvgAhVGnRoKHYtfCmMQFjABegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw3AFLfaX2jN9Pz9OUzpD0XB)

Italy - [800 86 00 22](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/italy-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwjU4ZuXrcvgAhVRdhoKHSwKDWwQFjABegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw3dnxPLlW89NBRxB8vB_zpf)

Russia - [007 (8202) 577-577](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/russian-federation-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwiOkN3rrcvgAhVKxYUKHeDeAeoQFjACegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw1bRbu2ELxXliGXvghwHz5r)

Greece - [1018](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://suicide-help.gr/&ved=2ahUKEwiq0LnXrsvgAhUGzoUKHV6sA54QFjABegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw0zytR60oe8Mopt-vgeRGpc)

Turkey - [182](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/turkey-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwi02LiKr8vgAhWxyoUKHd7nAlcQFjACegQIBhAB&usg=AOvVaw2LxbNva3V1-zelSPvQFF2u)

China - [(21) 63798990](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/china-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwiC9cilr8vgAhUNExoKHRDNBEsQFjADegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw2ueAnm5AQOUq5onSRDLB9p)

Japan - [ +81 (0) 3 5286 9090](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/japan-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwiOjvrcr8vgAhUP2xoKHRUFB8QQFjADegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw3SV5pRH00zmD629E8MfIRZ)

Thailand - [ (02) 713-6793](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/thailand-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwjsuZPFssvgAhU6UxUIHWhNBw4QFjABegQIBBAB&usg=AOvVaw0mt6TOxyvFAXXoF8TO5ACi)

Indonesia - [500-454](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://id.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hotline_500-454&ved=2ahUKEwi_2af3ssvgAhWSZt4KHYV9CEIQFjACegQIAxAB&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw1RqTtda5ZNrJZokv23ODqy)

Australia - [13 11 14](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.lifeline.org.au/&ved=2ahUKEwjP8-27s8vgAhUDBIgKHRDlAwcQFjAEegQIBxAB&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw3eo6oycsBS4A__n_RUenWW)

New Zealand - [0800 543 354](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.lifeline.org.nz/&ved=2ahUKEwix5fjZs8vgAhWvShUIHZBRCEMQFjAAegQIBhAB&usg=AOvVaw3sw36gPDal0CekyHelGxay)

USA - [1-800-273-8255](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/&ved=2ahUKEwjGl4iGtMvgAhWATRUIHT6GAZ4QFjACegQIChAB&usg=AOvVaw2eJ9ZdypBbuUmQo3j-rAjg)

Canada - [1.833.456.4566](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/&ved=2ahUKEwitkeLytMvgAhXaFIgKHZC1AmsQFjABegQIBRAB&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw1_Ysqz06-ovYjOPJkTv-0l)

Mexico - [5255102550](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://ibpf.org/resource/suicide-hotline-mexico&ved=2ahUKEwiOoOXCtcvgAhWOThUIHX7XBN4QFjABegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw3ajMMK74qMpDoXKGllsC85)

Brazil - [ 55 11 31514109](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/brazil-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwidjubctcvgAhXTuHEKHXngB6kQFjABegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw3RTu04Jg7YPl1jwXMw3eYC)

Norway - [ +47 815 33 300](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/norway-suicide-hotlines.html&ved=2ahUKEwio_5Hb0MvgAhUL6qQKHXDYAvoQFjABegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw1zQ8o7vIAnM85m6ep_q3R8)",37.87312617702448,47.15921858192091,15.855,-12.771605461393593,58.09604519774013,15.209416195856875,54.12523540489642,9.225670689056813,11.467112241054616,4334,180,165,123,108,905,132,354,0.05,0.95,0.0,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,24,744.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9999387161672686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.006312103652053295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.009095122717170265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spvcehead,2019/02/20,"Every time I try to do anything good, I get knocked down. Told it's not good enough, or it doesn't make up for this, or that. I'm so tired of trying, and caring. I feel useless. I still hate myself.",-0.6997674418604625,1.2699227441860472,1.2105116279069783,101.70134883720932,89.0,3.44,15.576744186046513,3.1291,-1.3459172093023255,150,3,37,0,5,49,36,43,0.208,0.609,0.183,-0.3052,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,9,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,3,5,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255378214207577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794345681829384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28318953693791044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309173965380049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857898767753965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319125595111087,0.0,0.0,0.4597570132598526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705892601613262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294512158302026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188741735284438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981352903125765,0.31500533166835193,0.0,0.2618874457291107,0.0,0.3721536593601038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,augustrose_,2019/02/20,"will this kill me ?      Overall it's about 12000 mg of medicine. Mostly sleeping pills (trazodone) but mixed with a good amount of antidepressants(cymbalta) antianxiety(hydroxozine) and a mix of high (800mg) and low (200mg) dose ibuprofen and antiinflamatories. Its about 80 pills or something.
     I know you can't tell me how to kill myself, it would suck of me to expect any of you to. I just want to know if I'm gonna end off more miserable than i started. I don't want to do this anymore. ",2.6170967741935485,5.232638290322583,3.516569892473118,86.41485483870967,80.07526881720429,5.440430107526883,22.203225806451613,6.742157984588678,0.40802451612903257,383,12,79,4,10,122,64,93,0.208,0.7240000000000001,0.068,-0.9508,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,2,0,0,4,6,3,1,2,0,5,5,1,1,0,16,13,7,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,15,10,3,5,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,3,2,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761149806884217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25683813232510266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293790197830651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172197666170509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27362612270759784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5730450213263668,0.0,0.28465678509755155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25916659061789066,0.0,0.0,0.19937511686668455,0.0,0.0,0.183307064592662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635954927056404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055057072743911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397164799821253,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrsbobbelcher,2019/02/20,"I'm hopeless I've been struggling with bpd for over two years and I'm tired of it. I feel like I'm at my lowest point,  I'm going to therapy and taking medication yet I still feel like hurting myself. I feel like I have nothing and no one. No one at work likes me, I'm the youngest there and people just think I'm some idiot kid who can't do anything right. I don't have any friends, the ones I do have live no where near me and barely talk to me. The one person in my life who I do have, my boyfriend (my fp) is not responding  to me. After being anxious all day about having a nightmare about him, I don't know if something bad happened to him or if he's just tired ofbme. This is not how I want to spend my night. I'm tired of this, I'm so tired. I want to start hurting myself, I want this misery to stop",2.009048239895698,2.7883046723163853,3.5866666666666696,93.59843546284223,75.72316384180792,6.1241199478487625,22.654932637983485,5.873414542411696,0.13070134724033045,625,16,150,3,13,208,97,177,0.259,0.667,0.07400000000000001,-0.985,1,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,1,1,4,0,15,6,0,1,1,25,35,10,0,5,7,0,3,4,1,0,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,8,6,0,5,1,3,24,5,19,33,2,17,0,3,0,0,10,8,0,4,12,96,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166369383776972,0.0,0.0,0.1356648194786707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882187218298474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026813958640172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124614288869015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744657485340854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215971389519905,0.2573718410708077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277939079799068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824855706738778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619307830357233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711254376358283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659970107488378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482143145462008,0.23467496458687195,0.0,0.10603956111101076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097563478520745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269408848743112,0.0,0.11522730206880745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254978939287305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325362941253912,0.10485587041562047,0.0,0.0,0.11352160866678505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255416412129008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244931032571094,0.0,0.0,0.08499862954690465,0.0,0.09590212171213952,0.10039862042813848,0.0,0.12554164541421908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029093880247972,0.09652187333086118,0.0,0.0,0.13733064955344668,0.0,0.0,0.0769472925598753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520921755294307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730814707781688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124923539754336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874252114493427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733248461508323
suicidewatch,cmacgames,2019/02/20,"This past 6 months I've been feeling worse than ever, probably due to lack of self confidence and anxiety about growing up I don't want to hurt myself, I just want to stop being here. I have thought about it a lot but I can't bring myself to do it because of my family. Even though I wouldn't be with them anymore the thought of them emotionally distraught makes me even more depressed, and I'm just being overwhelmed by so many different feelings.

I'm 16 in my last year of school at the moment, and I'm pretty shy. I have a group of friends but we kind of keep to ourselves, we do stuff outside of school but only like small gatherings with poker and drinks, and I find it incredibly hard to talk to new people. I'll be going off to uni in 6 months and my inability to make new friends is worrying me. It also kills me how difficult I find it to talk to women, even though I'd love to and I feel like I have a lot to say, I just can't out of sheer nervousness.

My family is very supportive of me but they don't know I feel this way and I don't plan on telling them, as their reaction could make me feel even worse about it. I'm emotionally conflicted and I just want it to stop.",3.146050382366173,4.1579431214574925,4.475836707152499,87.41382703553758,73.25101214574899,8.241925326135853,25.86797121007647,8.680891452615391,1.5859952316689157,929,30,207,17,18,308,126,247,0.181,0.685,0.134,-0.8707,1,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,2,0,5,1,18,14,1,3,5,0,19,2,0,4,1,49,42,19,1,6,8,0,6,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,10,14,1,4,10,2,0,3,6,7,0,0,3,7,32,7,38,33,4,24,0,3,0,1,18,8,0,2,14,136,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313889268555771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953114177454731,0.0,0.10310301201360487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337466576272248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300571554994135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954287707441347,0.0,0.0,0.10861884067528413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018438168312995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338879738224922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746653961520977,0.09404016781455236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601346570172756,0.0,0.2628331948095584,0.07427093707621503,0.0,0.0,0.19003995512401292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606425691464361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059084369133838764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931301129804786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112941657482082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240677904957532,0.11501926755051063,0.1082611005229057,0.05713515292292622,0.0847434344827808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158179769596108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677065254236005,0.09383034951578716,0.0,0.20818762607376845,0.10540180830134248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596398882300326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008155480887156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790682791496007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992441118995492,0.07207461056041566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576738907760937,0.1120893190653385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267527108180406,0.0,0.21043150177524686,0.0,0.0,0.10845571611074643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383485907393256,0.0,0.0,0.11901236003143825,0.0,0.11797558184634495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712247814233566,0.09086793739138292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042855491997353,0.16506946081500348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857800731102707,0.18395959152669294,0.08252071155531981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557911632456664,0.21189364181174575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694853727856798
suicidewatch,-shadowplay-,2019/02/20,"Acting out my own death. Things used to switch between uphill and downhill, one week I’d feel like death was my only option, and the next I’d feel like nothing in the world could stop me.

Now it’s just a constant numbness that never forgets to remind me that I’m just a small blip in a world that will forget me.

I’m going nowhere in life. I was a bright kid predicted A*’s in every subject, planning to go to top universities and end up in some high paying London job, and I could’ve. Instead I ended up with A’s and B’s and rather than go to Sixth Form and get some A-Levels I wussed out and ended up doing a BTEC college course.

A year down the line and I’ve dropped out. I physically couldn’t bring myself to leave the house and go to college. It wasn’t because I had panic attacks or because I hated the course, it was simply because I just didn’t want to. Whether that was because I knew I would end up dying before I ever got to use the qualification, or because I’m just plain lazy, is anyones guess.

So here I am with no qualifications, no direction and nothing to do with my life. 

I currently spend my days forcing myself out of bed at 11AM and then just watching Netflix or YouTube until I go to sleep at 2AM. It’s a pathetic and pointless existence and it’s time for it to end. 

I’m thankful for the people in my life, and I’m glad I got to experience existence, even if it was just for 18 short years, but now my time is up and it’s time to say goodbye. 

This is probably the happiest I’ve been in a long while :) 
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suicidewatch,scenegrandma,2019/02/20,"If nobody cares about your existence is it the same as a tree falling in the forest with nobody around? Honestly I’m just completely numb. No parents. Shitty partner I just put up with because I can’t be more alone than I am now. The only person slightly worried is my therapist who is calling wellness checks on me. So yeah whatever you do here, roast people? Just let people know you exist and nobody really cares. Like ok I don’t know but I don’t feel and I don’t want to be here. ",1.0127210884353737,3.495682959183675,3.0072448979591826,88.04787414965988,86.75510204081633,5.715646258503401,21.431972789115648,7.1686216300943375,0.926487074829932,382,13,74,6,12,128,70,98,0.106,0.7390000000000001,0.155,0.5916,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,2,12,1,0,0,0,15,19,6,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,5,1,1,0,0,1,11,6,10,16,2,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274314241838403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548372644100345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386144376398024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422831676781435,0.0,0.44777802289242624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23023837592082064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103247805056528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413643990983361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245480311982213,0.0,0.10728171846012566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700985915297215,0.0,0.0,0.2438312910536275,0.0,0.0,0.30447533922991993,0.19173954901620227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075093946489416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067646703597747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549636155947825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952124333190507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974398730767448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230066663459209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aminoacid4,2019/02/20,"Im insecure and ugly I have ugly disproportionate features. Features that are not attractive by objective standards for a guy. Even tho i take great care of myself that's like going from a 3 to a solid 4/10. I honestly look disgusting to look at. I'm not tryna self pity but this is just what i feel every time im in the mirror. 

Most guys are redeemable just by dressing better and stuff but it just means they werent even ugly to begin with.

And i think about suicide a lot as an answer, as long as im not miserable. Tired of bs like ""its not worth it"" etc.
Its easy to say that if youve never had this problem.js
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suicidewatch,jambajou,2019/02/20,"Dampened by meds and doctors dont care Ive had severe psychosis 4 times in my 30 yo life. And been hospitalized three times.

First two times I had the energy to do something about the following depression but this time I feel like I'm done.

I go to work part-time and have a couple of friends but I feel like the depression wont go away and on top of that I need to take Olantsapin. Been taking it for 10 years every day. 3 years ago I found out about long term side effects and I've tried to get off them but I get crazy. They mess with your emotional side. 

Dont feel like living but if I died, it would destoy my family.

 Just can't be around normal people, they always misinterptret me. Hopefully someone can relate or something, really just wanted to put my frustration into words here. ",2.497805907172996,4.6863955316455685,3.454708860759492,89.05505907172999,77.86075949367087,6.998143459915612,21.29282700421941,8.021203637495839,0.959021434599157,626,17,129,11,15,200,109,158,0.153,0.713,0.134,-0.6501,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,4,6,10,1,0,4,0,15,2,0,1,0,28,31,11,1,6,8,0,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,4,0,3,6,3,17,6,19,22,1,25,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,3,14,75,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475638832928442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771912851987137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524474771620895,0.0,0.0,0.12162971585085205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199069360045804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324241820407946,0.0,0.08348946912527826,0.0,0.223003354179476,0.0,0.13435659334641875,0.0,0.0,0.13250538185764504,0.0,0.13248011417999947,0.3034467838162727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562242237680212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907364658444664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204114314839047,0.0,0.19637302021308686,0.2774536952663118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011660388635006,0.0,0.14194362211675912,0.10001865283458758,0.0,0.13527254922973292,0.0,0.14714752224763322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858064855124746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143976084154394,0.18973939371208776,0.0,0.11431346938445205,0.11456593909947632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437982557791416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599120095983403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268410023943241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401900103930218,0.0,0.0897496285092281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014068633700665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293388021770509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625028645475888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968903969632048,0.19932563459911376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946720706941695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019511677562101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789324088337312,0.0,0.1264613049981247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635747119942456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942467049819386,0.0,0.0,0.0919629943339636,0.0,0.0,0.16673295362313598
suicidewatch,BeautifulKing8,2019/02/20,"JESUS!! I have ocd and i'm being driven to the point i want to die. Help. Please respond. i beg.  I remember a while ago when I was young and I had this really terrible ocd fear about getting pregnant thru contact with sperm. So when my brother walked by and I saw something went on my shirt, which I knew was water actually deep insideI freaked out!! If u k how ocd works even if you logically know the truth you will be convinced otherwise. I was so anxious I wanted to shower and legit panicked. But then I put my finger back and forth over the spot purposely and was aroused and squeezed my legs. And then I like had an urge to moved it on the surface of my leg for a few seconds and did???? I was only 14. Again I knew it wasn't sperm. I just feel like a sick frick. No harsh responses plz. Ocd has been horrible lately and I'm on edge. Be honest but not mean or harsh plz....... sry if this was too like graphic. My ocd makes me explain in full and crazy",0.7351066790352476,2.987614505102041,2.4539332096474986,93.33717068645643,85.07142857142857,5.604452690166976,21.664192949907235,6.980632752743323,0.5534265306122452,737,25,162,10,22,242,127,196,0.14800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.092,-0.9204,1,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,0,2,11,9,0,1,8,0,17,7,5,2,1,34,32,25,1,5,8,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,13,1,0,8,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,16,4,24,6,16,12,2,25,1,0,1,1,7,10,0,4,13,105,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.2029832696729174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438424078060248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23498690072511536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994331666986694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158767700754289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738560794093702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340639090317201,0.10517378238931578,0.14859910255179706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086742387561532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942163808519306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143143305138866,0.0,0.23463915637825505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048628016715597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388452227067178,0.0,0.0,0.2265788643980636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210768266133766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819748322131175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832747131423756,0.19663234056144704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091028830226094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325358841943205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356295750928874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601327226254758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453739536422793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282309390865374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143041182425945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Barren_Jenton,2019/02/20,"If we were immortal, We'd probably put everything off for eternity.  
We die because evolution knows we're procrastinators.

There. I figured it out
",4.114599999999999,7.45332196,6.1995000000000005,61.74725000000001,89.4,12.1,38.25,10.125756701596842,6.740800000000003,119,8,17,6,4,41,22,25,0.151,0.772,0.077,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,11,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802455896638793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771245169098544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131733933509608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526541864752476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956639524395823,0.0,0.0,0.4621530700675233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thiccgothdemon,2019/02/20,"I don't know how to cope anymore. I'm almost 23 and my life just never gets better. Ever since I was a child I have experienced some form of abuse. Physical and emotional from my father, sexual from three different men in my life and it has led me to a point where I just want to be left alone, so I can just off myself in peace.

It also doesn't help that all the abuse and trauma in my life has left me with being diagnosed with C-PTSD and schizophrenia meaning that I can't get a job, or even function most days. I self harm, I just lie in bed and sleep, and I feel if I vent to anyone they just don't care.

I just want to die so the emotional pain can end. ",4.3943661971831,3.691489105633803,5.542359154929578,86.94128521126764,69.91549295774648,9.071830985915494,24.79225352112676,8.472884824447931,1.173645070422535,511,10,121,7,8,171,89,142,0.214,0.723,0.063,-0.9762,2,1,0,0,2,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,13,5,0,0,5,0,12,6,1,2,3,30,21,13,1,3,8,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,4,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,2,19,2,15,18,4,14,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,5,4,83,23,1,0.0,0.3573456051643025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100396194409424,0.15618285045225147,0.0,0.12059434211391952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955262816369094,0.1054425485300893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333699434659649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537501869765404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725323156070666,0.0,0.0,0.1530583644530864,0.15650612012899673,0.15755342907866227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392583834157891,0.13356363770293564,0.0,0.0,0.09960167762787392,0.13640682240946608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624878126206841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757307708240215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107775668089963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964528023154453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287548649917711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32768829500141666,0.0,0.3195425361359431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642649135327746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163059060445068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604613486502567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255431328902554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627659895620615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731681419352728,0.0,0.0,0.12474294241911205,0.0,0.15090845120329793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789095812322608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6cj6alt6,2019/02/20,"Does life get better? Does it ever get better? Does anything ever get better? My entire life has been filled with abuse and depression, not a day goes by that suicide doesnt pass my mind and its been like this for as long as I can remember. The only time I ever recall being happy is during my younger years, before I fully understood what was happening around me. Once the weight of my situation finally hit me, everything began to fall apart. It seems like everyday something goes wrong, everyday I keep falling deeper and deeper into this dark hole of despair. Im constantly on the brink of suicide, simply waiting on the right time and day to end it all.  I dont have any reason to stay alive anymore, and it makes it that much harder for me to stop myself from killing myself. 

Sorry for rambling, I just needed to get this off my chest. ",5.371784302653872,6.500566720496899,5.949237718802937,78.47846979107852,68.13043478260869,8.339017504234898,27.67984189723321,8.575989854853784,2.089467080745342,666,21,117,10,11,216,104,161,0.174,0.7190000000000001,0.107,-0.9237,0,0,1,0,2,4,17.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,1,0,5,0,10,4,1,2,4,24,23,7,3,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,8,1,3,4,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,5,1,16,6,21,16,2,29,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,1,18,76,28,0,0.0,0.14199572148134496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814981320854533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885319437898598,0.0,0.0,0.09862152461655814,0.10668670253017944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197854527990634,0.0,0.0,0.3179772367034171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295089514578641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457912544362107,0.0,0.10322159136121643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146292715958168,0.0,0.1404564520305382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614634586358636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252176864596527,0.0,0.0,0.10770819502518576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128340912127126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504544893570324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105977786644555,0.1275763268792872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945224808122568,0.0,0.0,0.10652298762005084,0.13258979632627574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692989356591818,0.11709959690927135,0.0,0.0,0.10605830206592044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999690117614347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100842844790348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809924018588011,0.08886291918079416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763010917173864,0.0,0.09114687696746797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232197469020771,0.0,0.0,0.13576006048618905,0.10234624985337812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910161373686647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13470984662419813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922618822398791,0.0,0.1341557148879853,0.0,0.12773791884072558,0.0,0.10019507622450186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621800986766334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976417603158253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593788931177087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103076530578506,0.0,0.07717570378553502
suicidewatch,PM_DICKS_IM_GAY,2019/02/20,"I don't want anyone to deal with me again No one seems to appreciate me anymore. I only cause problems because of my mental state.

I don't want anyoneto deal with me again.",2.8396190476190446,4.6785602,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,75.57142857142857,6.9523809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.5116666666666667,137,5,27,2,3,47,24,35,0.21,0.713,0.077,-0.3907,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,7,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823172330348513,0.1990486486976034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353285741331628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29243563103417497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.586966798574009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868815086070563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290050145445367,0.21650519567165474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723917924367574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25915387357291875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33581277504731155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Helpme56789,2019/02/20,Need help I've lost all my value for human life in general. I'm taking interest in the military and this has led me to become overwhelmed with the world and money and life and everything. I don't know what to do and I feel trapped in a world without positive. I'm not myself. Please help me,1.7035000000000018,3.877894350000002,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,80.5,7.333333333333335,23.333333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.5773333333333346,231,8,47,5,6,78,42,60,0.159,0.6609999999999999,0.18,0.1063,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,14,10,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,8,9,1,6,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357727934408855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27323893461547444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372466341397475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40756439295747066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708471999792082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294850619326753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318802561196613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254314015577324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337292134842036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22858969000239746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930701821201933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xoriginal-usernamex,2019/02/20,"i’m killing myself tonight i already have the plans. i’m on my way to the store to buy what i need to jerry-rig a helium exit bag. 

i lived for 15 years, 3 months, and 2 days. ",0.7796666666666674,1.3836583000000042,3.180000000000004,96.01166666666668,78.5,6.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.05041666666666656,132,3,35,1,3,46,32,40,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555095054151213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662069125304554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4566764136071304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36448951064495455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294745342137528,0.0,0.0,0.30606879532632003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276430410656413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26581475044773023
suicidewatch,WeoWeoSimon,2019/02/20,"The thought of a bullet cracking through my skull makes me happier than thinking about my future Does it scare anyone else sometimes how visceral your suicidal urges get?

After being hospitalized in a psych ward... every little thing causes me paranoia and anxiety, from being in rooms that are too white (like my ward) or my work life (grad school)

Instead I like to imagine what a gunshot to my head feels like - whether it would be too fast for me to know what's going on, or whether time would slow down and I'd feel it breaking through my skin before entering my brain. And honestly daydreaming about it makes me feel more alive than whatever shitstain thing I am now.",11.405322580645164,8.517126951612905,9.593290322580646,70.45493548387098,57.70967741935483,12.823225806451616,43.34838709677419,10.793553405168565,4.5764793548387095,538,23,95,9,5,163,88,124,0.085,0.8079999999999999,0.107,0.4391,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,7,5,4,4,0,20,17,8,1,2,4,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,14,4,17,11,1,15,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,9,64,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610372451649212,0.0,0.0,0.13354181278790414,0.1956876694473416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251497168469142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320347650555205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619517413256676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671330867495198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954424954887955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091389509517878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28970469552998296,0.13644039665526111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978227315962196,0.0,0.1085417133282473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960066781350781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496088018606063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489902047230692,0.2799182557041545,0.19141808983726694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25496920148880864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121024785266724,0.1932879717238121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888998225358206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890762461738174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253765149836004,0.12237608133124503,0.0,0.15162150631112598,0.1113654398970052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904004196640174,0.0,0.0,0.2713418701269327,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Help__ImLost,2019/02/20,"I don't know what to do Apologies for the throwaway account, and if this is the wrong forum. 

I don't know what to do. I suffer from depression, anxiety, ptsd and a dissociative disorder. I'm in my thirties, but ever since I was 11 or 12 the only thing I have truly wanted is to die. However, before I die, I need to atone for the badness I have brought into this world. I have spent the last twenty-something years trying to only do good, even though it seems that I'm not very good at it. I am frequently overwhelmed by the feeling that I have done something catastrophically, apocalyptically wrong and need to fix it, but I have no idea what it is that I did. I struggle to sleep except when I mentally play out my suicide plan. 

I had a decent upbringing with decent, driven parents and a caring sibling. I have 3 kids - a primary school student, a teen, and a stepchild almost the same age as me, all of whom are the most beautiful souls you would ever meet. My partner is one of the greats - a massive heart, huge charisma, and extremely giving in every aspect of his life. I am extremely lucky to be in this country, with this family, and I am very appreciative of my privileged position in life. However I know how much better every single one of them would be if I were a different person. I now want to remove myself from their lives, in part because I want to make their lives infinitely better by leaving a space that a nicer person could take. The trouble is that most of my family have very strong views on suicide and would never accept this reasoning. I have been made to promise not to do it, and their own hang-ups about it could cripple their chances of accepting the goodness it would bring to their lives.

At the moment I take sodium valproate for bipolar and quetiapine for sleep, and attend biweekly therapy. I used to selfharm but I'm trying not to, my partner now looks for the indicators and is really hurt by it. I have had problems in the past with alcohol and substance abuse but have those issues reasonably under control, with minor hiccups. At night I often sleep outside so that my 'badness' doesn't contaminate my family - even though I know that it is illogical and crazy, I experience it as such an overwhelming compulsion that i feel physically ill if I dont leave as soon as everyone is asleep. There are frequently days that I mentally pretend I'm already dead I order to get through the day. As a side product of my mental health issues, the 'world' I live in from day to day varies dramatically. Even the colours and sounds of my life fluctuate wildly, even though the real-life conditions are the same. Occasionally I experience natural highs - far better than any chemically induced highs - when the world visually 'sparkles' and everything embodies perfection. It never lasts long enough though! 

I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I have researched, and am trying to be the good person my family think I am. I'm exhausted and miserable and I'm hurting everyone I love, but their happiness is more important to me than anything in the world. What do I do? Please help. I just want to die and get it over with",6.61684254606365,7.076926023450589,7.184032663316586,73.09336892797323,65.14740368509212,10.58643216080402,33.668760469011715,10.442506126195006,3.5721554438860963,2504,102,448,59,36,825,279,597,0.139,0.688,0.173,0.9658,4,0,3,0,1,3,65.0,0,1,7,8,22,34,0,4,34,0,56,15,5,8,6,87,92,42,6,16,14,2,2,0,2,4,9,1,0,6,34,27,1,1,15,2,2,5,11,15,0,3,11,6,65,19,72,72,11,57,1,7,3,1,23,26,0,10,25,331,99,3,0.0,0.07285036435550132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570939170020719,0.06156893208015561,0.0,0.0678508722886975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041812306418669495,0.0,0.047036304443176295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059739777127862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267579090275084,0.03748104209606543,0.0,0.052319704443075016,0.0,0.0,0.16313701081227824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268865198897562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896131211317852,0.09818247343156432,0.0,0.0,0.1586124637114788,0.0,0.05295744450305293,0.0,0.19143699058541955,0.0642393500743452,0.07046780758831525,0.0,0.0,0.0629211010772423,0.07206064802346876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353104572372577,0.0,0.1624425967634013,0.11123446399780676,0.1036085148942223,0.11750422327738595,0.11051855886642392,0.1202894011187028,0.23185255088741066,0.0,0.062177918701987224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424736116618808,0.058982576024582574,0.0,0.2062847670648182,0.0,0.06778807483067158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545254884678782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535630195347092,0.0,0.07286071459436036,0.04121249175041395,0.12992579327528722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164318142751424,0.06940974172615606,0.0,0.12834995314448638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895434840533502,0.10023791674440928,0.0,0.13020871398057662,0.0,0.0,0.1302872616770039,0.0,0.0,0.21717159306963327,0.05441280813128723,0.05163240609201678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055493141269683785,0.05817914744800689,0.04104210561554651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858890251845536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519897980043983,0.09118156480320176,0.09484294766287432,0.0,0.0,0.057700056634345014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332844768580057,0.09352511649892847,0.0,0.0,0.06827246612125777,0.06658289712804813,0.058694948385536634,0.0,0.1610605243619223,0.0,0.06749270885901501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058833401300066285,0.07187335887566725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998405695250275,0.039389240356602385,0.1264348441482907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062226694858686024,0.0,0.05597416759876172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086151151533709,0.0,0.1845899682929619,0.0,0.0,0.09466921491972673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427808368295382,0.0,0.13451050155664962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245901630505336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703141252857201,0.0,0.040848290775117035,0.039397480366146286,0.2416371014196951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697870553206515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053103804318928825,0.0,0.152196141433891,0.1450631649309658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747103826915862,0.13444967066223476,0.0,0.039594701034052715
suicidewatch,PreslavSt,2019/02/20,"Is it worrh it Is it worth trying? I will never find love, never find peace, reason to live, goal, friends, job, success...... Why shouldn't i just end it all right now? ",0.3931818181818159,2.70684460606061,1.215378787878791,101.0430681818182,87.78787878787878,3.3000000000000003,14.31060606060606,3.1291,-1.4840848484848483,124,2,28,0,4,38,26,33,0.175,0.6920000000000001,0.133,-0.3773,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,8,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,16,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811593665734144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120755465981456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164311482522481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27799017389434233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473638140326906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528322398541785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321138494475026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880248271248068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392332532894904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901928741177923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25277773055693303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wikitiki350,2019/02/20,"Looked out the window of my hotel, thought of jumping seemed so pleasant At this point I've put more effort into finding a partner than the vast majority of people. Into improving my appearance and leaving my comfort zone. I'd say I've sent out hundreds of messages in okcupid and used the other dating apps for years. It didn't always used to hurt so bad but all the ghosting and rejection and apathy just builds up, and without a single girl ever being into me nothing is there to balance it out. I hate being so unwanted.",4.515272277227722,6.364730960396043,5.807017326732672,75.9156745049505,71.07920792079206,7.4262376237623755,31.43688118811881,8.07648339933343,2.6237217821782184,421,19,68,6,8,141,74,101,0.173,0.77,0.057,-0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,6,0,4,0,0,2,2,23,12,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,4,11,0,0,3,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,3,2,5,2,18,7,4,18,0,2,1,0,5,11,0,2,3,52,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352311570327547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422709153223176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212507043840087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355592779890135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414874952840011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26184462594941504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589914011336139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053986832197104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23469605463598256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957177688306305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312218822420629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458861144442344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451222160789686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226706285702743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418156797438446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225040941003764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357814095477498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751153336489546
suicidewatch,xXSarac3nSlay3rXx,2019/02/20,"My death will be more beneficial than my life. I’m 18 and relatively healthy, so I’d just like to donate a kidney or something before offing myself. I’m registered as an organ donor, but my organs will be useless if I die by suicide. I figure I might as well give away what I can while I’m still living. I’ve contacted damn near ever transplant center in my state, but I haven’t been able to start the process with any of them. I’ve been turned down by some because they require me to be 21. Problem is, I don’t feel like waiting another 3 years. The rest have declined to call me back. Apparently, I’m not even worth it for my organs anymore. 

I figure I can still off myself and do something worthwhile with it. If my body is found relatively quickly it can still be used for tissue and cornea donation. I just have to have to plan to have my body found. I don’t want my family to find it, so I need some way to contact the police posthumously. I know what method I want to use and just need to buy the materials. The method I’ve picked will be a painless and surefire way to die, short of being found too early. If my body can’t be used for tissue donation, then I’ll arrange to have it donated to science.

I know people say suicide is selfish, so I want to do this in the least selfish way possible.


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suicidewatch,R1gged_,2019/02/20,"... I don’t feel like being alive but I
Can’t do it I fuc*king hate it I want to kill my self but I’m scared
To die it makes me just want to kill myself even more",-3.7896703296703302,-2.5671959743589743,-0.7094505494505476,110.0723076923077,111.30769230769228,2.2285714285714286,8.135531135531135,3.1291,-2.6293545787545787,123,1,36,0,7,42,26,39,0.473,0.415,0.112,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,10,2,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957225844790697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820008765336987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407415275270413,0.20356109016515928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131911666463005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6304874669496565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920722084539702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901995665724295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28527450416304834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29725441303495764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361298193853297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,masadasensei,2019/02/20,probablyi killing myself next month i have to fly back to my home state in march. i’ll be alone for my birthday and worrying about the school shit i’m flying back to do. every day i wake up in a panic attack from nightmares and sometimes it starts while i’m still asleep. one of the only reasons i haven’t tried to kill myself is because i live in a foreign country with no health insurance and if i fail i don’t know what would happen to me. the other reason is that i’m engaged and i don’t want my partner to have to find my corpse or deal with the aftermath of my failure. it’s been less than a year since my last failed suicide attempt (which my partner found me in the middle of) and just over a year since my last psych hospitalization. i’ve been trying to kill myself since i was twelve years old so i have little faith that my attempt will even work. i don’t know what to do and i feel a lot of despair about this and about everything in my life that has led up to this,4.2377373358349,4.522952263414638,4.835121951219513,88.48386491557224,70.26829268292683,7.478424015009381,26.50093808630394,7.010146845296331,1.008151969981239,774,22,170,6,13,248,116,205,0.233,0.736,0.031,-0.9929,0,1,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,5,9,11,5,1,10,0,18,5,3,3,0,23,28,11,4,3,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,11,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,4,1,26,2,30,21,2,28,1,3,0,0,3,10,1,3,16,115,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294898994970927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603543551171824,0.0,0.19741184356836655,0.0,0.07825103239579281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827857787708519,0.1323402341640489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847848685023888,0.0,0.1081543201852284,0.0,0.1153675411162156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490596390278762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732466361701348,0.0,0.0,0.14074725137919913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351407991993814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364475963160889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876207483357366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260555691891065,0.0,0.14109375247988415,0.2092716752738565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066906151395934,0.0,0.12865696505114846,0.11334997917868553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913261547214376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246092274906167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651923854542872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469905756292014,0.0,0.08698446861002833,0.09762851446633336,0.0,0.1506104401332518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639643012071827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991376020949288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176637675200492,0.3185583080975831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695775966613904,0.0,0.09085847572748984,0.0,0.10251365985834912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041212605436934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430486674447093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571389283517845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345234734705246,0.1303624208885758,0.0,0.0911878849368746,0.0,0.0,0.247991469290762
suicidewatch,Elephant_creep,2019/02/20,"I have never been this close to killing myself. I have no money and no way out of my situation. My parents think things of me that aren't true and they use it to manipulate me into being their mental slave. I want to get out, but part of me feels like I would hurt them if I do. Every day I feel more and more unwelcome and unloved in our house, but I have no way to leave. 

I'm honestly afraid of the thoughts I'm having. The statistic that there are a certain number of people who never considered suicide until minutes before they killed themselves scares the hell out of me because I don't know if it'll happen to me. 

I don't want to die, but I don't see a way out. And every moment that goes on I get more and more desperate that I'll give into this feeling. 

I really don't want to leave my brother or my gf alone. It is the only thing that keeps me here and that hold is slipping more and more everyday. 

What do I do?",3.509076923076922,3.9972359076923136,4.843589743589742,87.05307692307693,71.97435897435899,7.641025641025642,25.256410256410252,7.61054688173877,1.0907948717948721,722,20,159,8,13,241,103,195,0.219,0.662,0.12,-0.9744,1,1,0,0,0,3,15.0,1,0,4,0,2,12,3,2,6,0,19,0,0,2,4,39,37,15,4,6,6,2,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,15,15,0,2,6,0,1,0,10,8,0,0,2,4,29,4,22,32,7,18,1,1,1,0,10,9,1,3,7,118,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471766743489242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662515387848498,0.0,0.12091986227709485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164519119316858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748130290323375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394571507064759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555584400235966,0.10151897884581472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484867345215002,0.13631890786769932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256619157521552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639686990853384,0.1521250505653474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630838140519374,0.3144335873220264,0.0,0.0780965288613877,0.0,0.0,0.300934799410797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694247358211846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320720120909605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919841274765506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080763387989335,0.0,0.0,0.15778944641559045,0.15388456101646045,0.0,0.09851687824127904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103532922862616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227068802727216,0.0,0.11323832559844275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973061840073322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543848628531234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881489287295267,0.09105437331210894,0.0,0.11281453930877468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273205234982144,0.0,0.0,0.2514494984965496,0.3383861319319045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094645811899912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostintexas19,2019/02/20,I found my 33 year old son dead by suicide in 07. I attempted in 09. I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm.here to answer any question.,-1.6403571428571408,0.1252156785714309,0.9225714285714304,98.42242857142858,106.5,3.6685714285714286,19.88571428571429,5.6839178017228535,-0.08082285714285664,101,4,23,1,5,34,24,28,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748708757116892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282627081865008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431860737926143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241414726035527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527981777074736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421308284824261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26029250904736184
suicidewatch,curlyone2018,2019/02/20,"I can't do this anymore. I don't know how to help myself anymore.  I have 60 days sobriety (I hope I'm not violating any guidelines by saying that), but it doesn't seem to be helping much.  I'm supposed to be looking for a new job, but it's agonizing.  I have a couple of people I can talk to, but nobody who could help me if I ran into financial difficulties.  I don't know what to do anymore.",1.5596428571428549,2.943051869047622,4.542380952380952,83.86928571428571,77.92857142857143,7.180952380952381,26.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.5667571428571434,303,12,66,5,7,110,54,84,0.097,0.754,0.149,0.3016,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,12,20,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,2,10,1,9,16,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,2,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400394190511798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6126814885435017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441829831976154,0.227857558851737,0.0,0.13280777344606146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140914886103401,0.0,0.0,0.20453489309793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043536873307671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22634741609268666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292928261216714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138219857045188,0.0,0.0,0.1988884167442142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427658895762803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376375162041262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747088079561133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655186831719553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NamelessFaceles,2019/02/20,"Can't afford psychiatric medication or treatment I am unemployed and unemployable. I lost my last job in 2017 due to an incident with a coworker. I haven't had a job since - I have severe depression and anxiety issues and am not able to afford any medication or treatment. My issues make it difficult for me to socialize and I don't have any connections or networking skills.  I have tried finding a new job but I have been unable to. I have applied to literally hundreds of jobs, but I have been unable to find one. I am practically on the streets. I don't live in the United States or Europe, where mental health services are provided for extreme cases for free or low payment. 

​

I am going to kill myself now. I am sorry, but I have no other choice. I will leave this page open on my computer and whoever finds it can know what happened. I am sorry mom, and I am sorry to everyone I've disappointed. I wasted my education and my life.  I tried to fight for as long as I could but I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to be homeless. I am unable to survive on the streets on my own. Killing myself is a quicker solution than dying in a ditch somewhere due to starvation or violence laid upon me.

​

To everyone reading this: please be more empathetic. If you can, extend kindness to everyone you meet. Some people need someone to listen or need help in something that is deeply affecting them but are too afraid to reach out. 

​

Good bye reddit and goodbye to the world. You will all be the last people I speak to.",3.85996644295302,5.848107989932887,5.333296644295307,78.05633422818792,73.12751677852349,8.526389261744967,29.705234899328858,9.174902378510234,2.8178226577181213,1223,53,221,28,25,411,159,298,0.162,0.7340000000000001,0.104,-0.9366,10,0,1,0,1,2,41.0,0,3,1,3,4,12,3,1,11,0,37,4,0,2,1,38,46,23,3,5,15,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,4,1,1,1,8,9,0,1,4,2,38,4,37,36,5,25,0,4,0,0,12,16,0,9,8,163,46,9,0.08805853236984643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862341490967872,0.3210022659481212,0.11976564333447615,0.0,0.06736453623613027,0.0,0.08733040207738417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030757270932911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584468489671725,0.0,0.09139085395060267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243110403466723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414517098136495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004569325545853,0.07385931904305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786986935688606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360210210653097,0.0,0.0,0.059023778053310515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382045893832366,0.3495380228904986,0.0,0.19484743822046405,0.09169941065114473,0.04839466646089423,0.1435589137943547,0.0,0.09324127113133546,0.0,0.0,0.062198345613012886,0.0,0.0,0.07775729738967525,0.0779290301069022,0.0,0.0,0.09612629030390704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058779754142582616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741941427030966,0.0887422890409527,0.0,0.0,0.10313308883262297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305885719332579,0.0,0.08504747929024464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967074050653815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220973974840118,0.0,0.0,0.09666182506111616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808236225930623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948107671321024,0.0,0.07284292794810204,0.0,0.0,0.08976458427858737,0.07461170871623242,0.06779176036895387,0.0,0.29572295258943704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957192633050046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051939203909638035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210022659481212,0.0
suicidewatch,deadinside0990,2019/02/20,"I am done. I don't have it in me to keep going anymore. I am on disability for ptsd and get 800 a month and renting a room from my aunt who blackmails me out of my entire check and I get food stamps of a 190 a month for me but it goes for her, her 34 year old son who doesn't have income or work and for myself. and I just got a letter saying next month I won't get my food stamps as they don't have the money because of the shutdown and the national emergency stuff trump is doing. 

We have no food and all I ate for the past week was maruchan soup which makes me sick. We all three went to the food bank in this town and they gave us bread that had white mold on it, a bag of cereal that was stale and a box of milk that was spoiled and a box of 8 crabcakes that were freezer burnt and had mold growing on them and was expired in nov last year. We can't go to them but once a month and they said that was enough to last all us the rest the month. And we ended up throwing it all out because it was no good. the other food banks in other towns next to us won't help out because we don't live in that county. this food bank does this every time. they give us spoiled rotten food or tons of cans of tomato paste and noodles. 

I can't take living here with her anymore and when she dies I will be homeless on the streets and I can't survive on the streets anymore not with my body failing on me and having arthritis in my lower back down to my feet and everywhere in between and can't even walk a mile. Hell standing and doing dishes for 20 minutes at a time is hard when my back gives out or my knee locks up or gives out and I have to grab the counter to keep from falling. 

I bought a car last year to live in but got scammed by the dealership, I am obese and no one will rent their bedroom to me saying I am either too fat or because I will break their furniture or they only want someone who works and won't be there all day every day. 

I have no other family and absolutely not one friend and go months to years with no one to talk too other than my aunt or my dr's. I just can't do it anymore. I am done. I just can't survive anymore. ",4.09193584513239,3.631107892008643,4.809224862011039,91.12552595792336,70.51187904967603,7.6367970562355,26.435405167586595,6.42735559955562,0.7548701543876488,1666,43,399,9,27,538,200,463,0.11,0.8740000000000001,0.016,-0.9922,4,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,9,0,9,5,12,5,1,0,24,0,47,18,4,1,5,64,68,39,1,1,16,3,2,0,1,6,4,3,4,0,24,39,13,2,0,0,8,9,20,3,0,4,18,7,58,2,58,42,9,69,1,1,1,0,39,30,1,7,28,279,82,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227401224217327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009454560496163,0.0,0.1587037816819436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229609922679935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395043335636139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754920323419103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695737511185652,0.13321156683632376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576470575109598,0.06725144664282275,0.0,0.04298882343390927,0.0,0.10967586684235472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061357479943006936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5509174676394641,0.0,0.05028543921260145,0.0,0.10201456466337866,0.1873098507597252,0.1109699677345008,0.0545912193300553,0.10411076502607093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830445391935464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436259101105222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570321603843205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916182787638716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724169298326805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344554610223018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31170711907000703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843983118274986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829702168050432,0.069314682325558,0.13231228739112486,0.049500990502684035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426429140545438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608228865753229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061911883924365085,0.10351832245859316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514732883935165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450813103535199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048936724800085034,0.052313824787159006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590457710168344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31316275484537104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038389529028917575,0.0,0.052208226344186696,0.0,0.0,0.06033556252546352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476706234376264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765352394857164
suicidewatch,sheepbeep34,2019/02/20,Im moments away from grabing a rope Im finaly going to end it im done with being a burden on other people im sorry if your someone who new me and your reading this it Is not your fault I turned out this bad.,-1.4356250000000017,0.467780020833338,2.0341666666666685,94.7275,92.54166666666666,3.2,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.9771916666666662,163,4,37,0,6,59,36,48,0.175,0.778,0.047,-0.7242,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,25,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764708684939445,0.0,0.1578740822761841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349470797425355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746894918462316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745864397337314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8169563174077048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261485061726893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108441419061362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891313835546496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602070532274652,0.0,0.0,0.21165982132136787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566497899933572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corgicute,2019/02/20,I'm going to OD when I get home from school. Feels wrong not having anyone know before I do it ,0.4171428571428599,2.100834761904768,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,82.33333333333333,4.2,10.5,3.1291,-1.7665428571428574,74,0,17,0,2,25,19,21,0.154,0.846,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956748792415652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35982433984279344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138116870870695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209278947993464,0.0,0.2403221680985673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42416497341033177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323938467376629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279588280642371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623331162043951,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guess_im_depressed,2019/02/20,Dad just found our I’m suicidal I was on my laptop and searched “if I kill myself will my parents have to pay my student loans.” it was shitty enough finding out they’d still be on the hook for my loans. It was shittier seeing how broken I made my own father. ,0.13325396825396751,2.4676921666666694,2.0593121693121685,94.03833333333333,90.29629629629628,4.567195767195766,18.825396825396822,6.18269132825596,-0.031282539682540016,203,6,43,2,7,67,42,54,0.322,0.6779999999999999,0.0,-0.9657,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,8,11,3,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,11,0,5,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,1,32,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458326054810941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30590799783301376,0.0,0.0,0.3669791887105577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702938555803785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316699432811304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716426287709726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667110504474807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672903332599424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661053953070116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StruckToTheRope,2019/02/20,"Different means. For years I've struggled, like many of you do and have never found my light at the end if the tunnel. I'm on medication, lost my job a week ago, have a supporting wife, and two beautiful cats. 

Yet, it doesn't matter. I'm extremely sorry for those who have gone through horrific trauma, life altering events, and everything in between. Just know that I will be fighting for the stronger ones to make a change. I'm sitting here in bed as a fucking adult, crying, I have a job interview In two hours, and I would rather hang myself. My wife is in the other room trying to distract herself after me venting but poor girl is sick and I'm taking care of her. 

Still. Doesn't matter. Why can't anything be exciting? I thought I could do this but today has proven otherwise. I read through hundreds of individuals here and it's comforting seeing those that have made one message and are gone and then it's not. Good for them? Doesn't sound right but it feels right. I guess that's one thing most of us here have in common. 

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suicidewatch,fargoniac,2019/02/20,"I'm feeling suicidal for the first time in my life I have severe OCD and gender dysphoria and have for over a year, and I just had a conversation with my parents that broke through my will to live. They questioned what I wanted to do in my life, besides being a NEET, for so long that I felt like suicide was preferable to getting a job, and while the suicidality has mostly passed the thought of having to work for a living still makes me feel somewhat suicidal. I have just so much of a moral objection against society as it is now, as well as seeing myself unable to ever sustain a job with my mental illness and near-daily panic attacks and self-harm, that while I now realize it not to be true I would prefer death over that endless suffering. Suicide has always been my biggest fear and now that I've experienced being suicidal it's even more terrifying than imaginable. I don't think I'm gonna kill myself or even hurt myself right now, but I really need support and advice. Are my parents wrong in saying I need to go through school in my online program and get a job someday? Do I just need to tough through it without thinking about the future? I really don't know.",9.27860869565217,6.892358773913047,9.181739130434783,70.19956521739131,61.26086956521739,11.808695652173913,39.52173913043478,10.125756701596842,3.930034782608695,938,38,172,15,10,308,135,230,0.201,0.762,0.037000000000000005,-0.9851,5,0,0,0,0,5,17.0,0,0,1,2,15,13,2,2,12,0,20,3,0,1,2,40,40,18,8,7,7,2,3,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,10,11,0,0,12,0,0,2,4,9,1,1,5,6,25,4,32,29,4,23,1,3,1,0,6,8,0,4,14,132,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656366748337764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222437426262233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241957965751367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053652690468115,0.08938641028699014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119756361914304,0.09993055663030001,0.0,0.09488064070460807,0.0,0.0,0.08405441981281814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032565048395533,0.0,0.05616046614633987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578656113986837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941844296351015,0.0,0.10932731915635804,0.0,0.054307710626908326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959595145690035,0.04827741409632038,0.0,0.1745159586617351,0.08745069500377894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596168776730127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958515898647367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264249599971383,0.21981656950141307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159414652511148,0.21945107473668266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069861685684897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266105008418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438991108065548,0.0,0.07858392720097515,0.0,0.1000089482617819,0.07874503909630717,0.0,0.10308857761038924,0.11163605252574484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891606930911081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6485441893416367,0.1121373345862098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266369870529129,0.0,0.07845034145068204,0.05762148786332411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828533312438265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884912218472475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525688910486152,0.0,0.07194057777792284,0.0,0.0,0.07019737133347048,0.10804181539457217,0.0,0.06363546089259409
suicidewatch,youngforever1998,2019/02/20,"Circumcision has led me to suicide This past year has been a living hell for me. When I was an infant i was circumcised and taught by my mother that everyone is circumcised. Of course by being in a locker room in a gym you see that not true, and also by observing porn. I initially my dysmorphia was due to the looks of my penis rather than the feel. Ive seen women with more youthful looking genitalia in their 40s than what I had when I was 14. On summer holidays I couldn’t even swim and enjoy it, the salt water would make my penis so irritable and red that I would be in the bathroom crying from the pain. At 19 years old my gf dumped me because I can’t orgasm, i have never felt so low in my life. I’m now 20 and things are not getting any better. This year I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My problems keep adding up. My social life has been in ruins since I was 13. My mother can give a damn about my issues. I feel so emasculated and insignificant. All I can think about is drugs and suicide. That’s all I want rn, more than ever. I’m not only in physical pain but mental. I don’t think anything will Ever change for me ",2.450974025974027,4.240590320346325,4.085928571428571,86.34032142857143,76.53246753246755,7.044242424242424,21.93961038961039,7.908726449838941,0.9859002597402604,888,24,183,14,20,297,139,231,0.141,0.828,0.03,-0.9632,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,1,1,13,11,3,0,10,0,27,9,1,2,6,33,44,14,2,6,5,2,3,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,9,9,1,1,5,3,0,2,7,8,0,0,12,9,32,3,27,26,4,28,1,2,5,2,9,12,2,0,14,131,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508300175416275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786222697732176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184238433434944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772484857027471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727473916933146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522353525016243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807594179912954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606337010574144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688734012083778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504973318182833,0.2603456564786286,0.0,0.13751005330850335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552819765700353,0.0,0.13817403905160142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518587683472179,0.1380494580908247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502023366205163,0.0,0.12791184933963098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329264542070505,0.0,0.0,0.12707320855013535,0.0,0.2416925865685351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605956234890788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502519739085892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109905535758508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100700994586752,0.0,0.0,0.10944835340166628,0.30625605388266963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737626199837724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770031277930528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467587093016532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904200487015296,0.0,0.0,0.1466958616280783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148235139760824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956059362868638,0.18442059269922811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488053870058772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445591968857013,0.0,0.0,0.2780156813806036
suicidewatch,LawSchoolDropOut2,2019/02/20,"I want to jump off a cliff. And I’m afraid of heights I (22 M) feel like I’ve been cheated in life. Despite some good things happening to me, I still wish I was dead. I’m so lonely and I have nobody. The people who talk to me are hundreds of miles away, so I can’t really see them, let alone hug them or anything. I’m sick of being a virgin, sick of being unlovable, sick of being undesirable. No one wants me. I have Asperger’s with TRD and GAD. Everything sucks.",0.18240259740259648,2.2976319897959168,2.4539332096474986,93.33717068645643,86.24489795918367,5.604452690166976,19.11317254174397,6.980632752743323,0.22255918367346927,357,10,81,5,11,121,68,98,0.32,0.595,0.085,-0.9786,0,3,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,3,8,2,1,3,0,10,6,0,0,0,10,20,6,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,2,12,3,12,14,1,7,0,1,1,2,4,5,1,2,2,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778020393219094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072777616648148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520078785970022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410649242672867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562351352326368,0.1916212570912142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497588757956066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371920456517766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274280043826142,0.18945649907915407,0.13104205048679216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175740017535447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859546684563036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183293631229293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374200714758654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420624389680984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155905163615402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819794653770665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31641419528752235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084475465100203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rapid-succession,2019/02/20,"The left path. For years I've struggled, like many of you do and have never found my light at the end if the tunnel. I'm on medication, lost my job a week ago, have a supporting wife, and two beautiful cats. 

Yet, it doesn't matter. I'm extremely sorry for those who have gone through horrific trauma, life altering events, and everything in between. Just know that I will be fighting for the stronger ones to make a change. I'm sitting here in bed as a fucking adult, crying, I have a job interview In two hours, and I would rather hang myself. My wife is in the other room trying to distract herself after me venting but poor girl is sick and I'm taking care of her. 

Still. Doesn't matter. Why can't anything be exciting? I thought I could do this but today proves otherwise.  For those who have come out the other side, keep spreading the good word. ",2.62875,4.883890538922159,3.4602657185628765,88.84453031437126,77.74251497005989,6.5702095808383225,24.20995508982036,7.6454224807358475,1.2108685628742517,668,23,133,10,16,212,113,167,0.166,0.743,0.092,-0.8349,2,0,0,0,2,1,24.0,0,1,0,1,5,11,2,2,12,0,17,4,0,1,2,24,33,9,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,9,7,0,1,4,0,1,3,4,6,0,3,4,1,13,5,19,24,0,25,0,1,0,1,11,10,1,1,12,87,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726288928141765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670959825426374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693790749329605,0.0,0.17574192234436198,0.14310499044515415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264008713565004,0.0,0.1824843535464478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714053910227878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930558139143607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215132257390407,0.0,0.15358311884175302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934070166457208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360310585297672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297137991457548,0.14766264158865014,0.0,0.0,0.0912998775083866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049909845692705,0.0,0.11734147068212775,0.08116199233100747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813488793682277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089206199049624,0.16842822141486896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673569834764562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812853865383733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257296924411923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859672516436716,0.0,0.0,0.1326704325811743,0.0,0.0,0.17367357579481502,0.0,0.0,0.18852065008177946,0.0,0.0,0.12490795506111305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188747016320554,0.0,0.0,0.15747039059310206,0.0,0.0,0.11279034474013808,0.0,0.3245668049936363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332582598582233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499051292241819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801291805847275,0.0,0.0,0.10698130555709484
suicidewatch,Kal947,2019/02/20,"It isn't worth it I give up. I really do. The only thing that would keep me here is my fear of going to hell. What kind of a life is that?  Life isn't worth my trouble and really for most of my life hasn't been. Maybe my anxiety has been keeping me too. I'm scared the gun shop is gonna notice something is up with me if I try to go to get a gun for myself.

I know I'm cowardly but I just don't want to face anything difficult anymore. I have no reason to. One bad experience after another. This is what my life has been since I was younger. I'm 24 now. Still living with parents. I maybe could have made it better I don't know. What am I doing it for? To live to be mocked another day? To lose out another day? Live to see the girl of my dreams marry another guy better off than me and have his kids? I'm starting to think that I'm so much smarter than everyone else by giving up. They'll struggle on in misery without any promise of it ever being worth it and it may not in the end. So why do it? Why do anything? Its just foolishness.",-0.4957333333333303,1.5809919600000022,2.1346666666666683,94.60066666666668,89.4,5.466666666666668,18.555555555555557,6.937597516519254,0.1584222222222227,801,23,187,12,27,276,123,225,0.204,0.713,0.083,-0.9706,1,0,1,2,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,9,13,2,3,6,0,30,5,1,2,1,25,50,7,0,4,6,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,17,6,0,2,4,2,4,2,8,9,0,1,5,1,23,4,33,38,2,18,1,1,1,0,8,8,1,3,8,127,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737328865386324,0.4547733042017061,0.08294501776531389,0.0,0.10752871104715768,0.0,0.0,0.17844948095730773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053055295601384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917866411231586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656873769560144,0.0,0.0,0.13985063001965298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057538168160598,0.0,0.09603258719897954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980768440637107,0.0,0.10360497069892707,0.0,0.10606069748552732,0.0,0.1220085477459492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664771686880581,0.2080227549387214,0.1232411339284212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735804187798677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19274668410092965,0.0,0.11290821061792758,0.11917536121008407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30633583604053594,0.0,0.0,0.2872244406505797,0.0,0.0,0.1213001181418938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259459104563694,0.0,0.0,0.2178554694423752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970503267429695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344286321524288,0.0,0.0,0.0734717539512977,0.08246228675212249,0.0,0.0,0.12039340637721052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389199802075258,0.11147921289930407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855258794760768,0.0,0.08640088460251527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969048538468614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347105290586039,0.0,0.0,0.07674394842794352,0.0,0.08658854292168787,0.0,0.0,0.1133496106065025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203291678915735,0.06947452074655244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361362601051204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395202033159078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956738432742713,0.0,0.0,0.10451806967900412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702218513810513,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poutountous-toutous,2019/02/20,Am feeling i will end everythig soon. There is nothing for me in this life. Every hour passing os a fucking curse it physically harms me. The only thing that keeps me going is my alcoholism. ,2.8258333333333354,5.574428805555558,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,80.3888888888889,6.933333333333335,28.44444444444445,8.07648339933343,2.4025777777777777,151,7,26,3,4,50,33,36,0.177,0.785,0.038,-0.7574,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37164333532408056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080068815576483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929977971713748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583490344381922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214930282501149,0.0,0.0,0.19763664839243686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424677030161893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090997901446487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562897949604326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336794030926705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644826358370121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310323476317389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,weswes43,2019/02/20,"Dont want to kill myself, dont really wanna be alive either. I'm 20, nb/biologically female, in college, work two days a week. Have sort of an on/off thing with my 50 year old co-worker. He's been considering ending things and I realize that I really don't have a lot to live for. I'm doing awful in college and I'm going to lose my scholarship, and if he and I break up I'll likely have to put in my two weeks notice at my job to keep myself sane. All I have going for me other than my SO is school and my job and I feel like I've already lost all of that 

When I'm not with him I'm awfully tired and sleep almost all day. I'm horribly abrasive and push people away who try to get close to me. Last time I tried to get therapy I was almost institutionalized so I don't think I want to do that again. My family doesn't know anything about my SO or how poorly I'm doing in school because if they did they'd disown me. 

I also do a lot of drugs. Mainly weed and kratom. I'm not really addicted to anything I don't think but that's where most of the money from my job tends to go.

I used to have so much going for me. Now I barely get out of bed unless it's to screw someone 30 years my senior. And now he doesn't even want me. And of course nobody else ever would because I've been told multiple times that I'm a horrible person and too stubborn to form and maintain relationships. I have nothing in common with anyone. 

I don't see what the point is anymore. I really don't. I don't want to kill myself because I don't want to fail and be institutionalized or have things be infinitely worse. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Is it too much to ask?

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suicidewatch,cowardice_,2019/02/20,I want to go back I want to be a child again. I want to be in high school. I feel like time is going by too fast. I want time to let me have more time to think. I feel like I need to move on all the time and I just can't sit down and just think. And I've had plenty of time doing nothing and yet. I graduated college and now looking for jobs. I feel like a failure. I don't want to complain to my friends because they have jobs and I'm just pestering them with my bitching. I feel like I played life wrong. I want to go an earlier save file. Or just stop time. I like to stay up at night. It's when I'm most at ease. Everyone is asleep and I'm just there with my phone doing nothing. I hate when I fall asleep and suddenly is the next day.,-0.9311674641148322,0.961846581818186,1.241690590111645,101.62779904306221,89.24242424242426,4.685805422647528,17.169059011164276,6.05967700443912,-0.669242424242424,566,14,148,5,19,188,88,165,0.065,0.713,0.223,0.9595,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,13,12,2,0,5,0,13,3,2,0,1,33,34,11,0,7,6,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,1,6,1,0,5,2,4,0,0,1,5,23,8,21,30,3,32,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,2,23,88,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181747877919703,0.0,0.07279008570691721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770083633090595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409958214827125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24150534661204046,0.3412207581844614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225442245429948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358717042990698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789080393778223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616124177934934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369882814714165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221028996598658,0.08434149117912072,0.2916838957477009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002727526908006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691194142262135,0.0,0.08853961290490121,0.0,0.0,0.12699189736056582,0.11205643794383303,0.0,0.2291506359741081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084739907745044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727317526476128,0.0,0.099830540631303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530238121521929,0.0,0.0,0.4177670334675427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422580041178342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055404150300035,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LimaStanley,2019/02/20,"Said something offensive that i regret massively sorry if this just seems trivial compared to other really serious things on here but it really has me feeling the lowest ive ever felt

Just for some backround i have been feeling extremely depressed the last few months and have suicidal thoughts on and off but i honestly never seriously considered it

that changed today while talking to a co worker we were talking about a serious subject and I made a stupid joke before thinking, I regretted it the second it left my mouth and never meant it but for some reason i just came out cause i was trying to be funny, the person seemed offended but they just changed the subject and didnt make a big deal out of it and was normal with me for the rest of the day but i didnt want to bring it back up and risk offending her even more

Now i have the strongest suicidal feelings i have ever had, i feel what i said misrepresented me as a person horribly and that even if i apologize i can never take it back, i feel sick to my stomach and i have never wanted to kill myself so badly, the one aspect of my life i was happy with is that at meast  i try to be a nice person and at least i never hurt anybody but now i feel like i have just crushed all of that with one stupid joke that i didnt even mean and i dont even know where it came from, ive spent the last few hours just in a daze thinking this must be a bad dream and trying to plan how i could kill myself

dont even know why im posting this i just never felt this strongly about commiting suicide before and it has scared me to be honest",4.615489417989419,5.165736836419754,5.614179894179895,82.29166666666669,69.52469135802468,8.517107583774251,28.082892416225747,8.563005593585519,1.9272188712522045,1261,41,253,19,21,417,159,324,0.224,0.619,0.157,-0.9798,1,0,1,0,0,3,6.0,1,0,1,3,24,27,7,2,18,0,29,4,2,5,11,77,57,25,5,9,15,0,8,1,0,1,2,2,0,3,23,21,0,0,18,3,1,3,11,19,0,3,19,10,39,8,32,32,8,35,0,4,0,0,12,12,0,6,20,200,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293459069988491,0.1404513642486561,0.0,0.0,0.14313741927883186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239159309258624,0.0,0.08640087312934623,0.17794772822796642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715245247943441,0.0,0.0,0.054241941355527484,0.08671043900393384,0.07244108140955166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971451348862656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777588091471763,0.15215886902451325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551616139808716,0.06008592949979235,0.16151147512896155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953327457482345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282827634185913,0.0,0.09003809107757435,0.0,0.0908497991382937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861034712424806,0.0,0.09244581812570694,0.1371165688855512,0.0,0.0,0.09138230676306423,0.0,0.05940713478113105,0.04109034418509008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958390734614115,0.0561419559046854,0.0,0.0,0.09161698448090944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713326184164185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389210190780942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824068266984123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398591679004932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203164950018402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055108493971458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776196601286288,0.0864758196311974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600096934713996,0.0,0.0842056000551078,0.0,0.0,0.1531353814332952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647495396476591,0.0,0.0941506998254693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27599763220664314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323786192907506,0.1352037531071731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587683441391707,0.10778450921553387,0.0,0.06677142079762009,0.0,0.0,0.0797234316531078,0.0,0.0,0.17130903097692754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921676394038904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589332368543618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Asasay,2019/02/20,"I have lil ding-dong My colleagues are all black, i work in KFC, they all have bigger pee-pee, i cant handle this anymore....................... ",2.0984615384615397,3.1811742307692303,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,75.92307692307692,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.4706307692307692,94,2,22,0,2,30,21,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8061171678389825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917559562144329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chiffychaff,2019/02/20,"Anyone schizophrenic?? I want to die, I drink when I can and yeah.. Does anyone relate to me?? It's been 6 years!",-1.928260869565218,-0.7585829565217371,0.569217391304349,99.17469565217392,117.69565217391305,3.5791304347826087,8.947826086956521,5.6839178017228535,-1.401966956521739,84,1,19,1,5,28,19,23,0.229,0.713,0.058,-0.7052,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951739904608974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441702013785007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724423987592036,0.0,0.0,0.4169225812938504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25102786514805225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740702169702056
suicidewatch,mhk5040,2019/02/20,"The Rant of a Working Man Just to vent...

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I hate my lifee at the current moment. I am a 29 year old male living in the United States. I was stupid enough to take out student loans to be a prestigious engineer... even though I have been pursuing that goal for 8 years, I fucking hate it. I wish I could go back and tell my mom to go fuck herself with that 'college' bullshit. I should have joined the military, or done something adventurous... but no... I am trapped. Pretty much a debt slave for the rest of my life. I bought a house and now I am almost half a million $$ in debt.. I really don;t know where I went wrong. I worked so hard over the last decade that I have no real friends. I have a loving wife, but I have hardly any time for other family... and I just dont care. I dont have 30 minutes to talk on the phone so casually. Expessically when all I can say is work this or work that. I feel that my entire life revolves around work and that I sacrificed so much to get here. What is the fucking point of stopping now? 89 years of bullshit down the drain? What if I keep going? I get to do the thing that I hate for the rest of my life. 

​

Everything is sooooo played out. I can't even listen to fucking audio books. On 'the organ trail' the author starts talking about how he did cross-country motorcycle rides and flew and..... all the things that I will never be able to experience. My holy grail is being able to afford a nice dinner out on a Friday night in order to celebrate my shitty week. I feel cheated. I feel as if the only value that i provide, is directly related to how many productive tasks I can accomplish.

​

And fuck American society. I WANT TO CARE, but I can't. There are very few people in the public spotlight that I can look to for guidance, we glorify capitalistic bullshit. Cardi B only won best album because she makes money move from poor peoples pockets to the capitalistic overlords. No matter how much money I make, I will be paying off my loans for 30+ years. If I am lucky, I may have 1 or 2 kids.... but then I will have to work more and will probably not be allowed to have the relationship that I want with them.

​

Yes, go to a doctor, talk it out. But what is the point..... I went to school for so many years to learn about science. I know that global warming is a thing... so for my mental health I should just ignore it? or pretend it doesn't exist? Or have someone tell me that I should recycle to feel better.... no it is just more played out bullshit. Or a doctor to tell me to go pursue my dreams.... my dream is being dewbt free, which is 30 years of work away.

​

And fuck you if you correct my grammar/spelling. The united stated system that has been built around us is so incredibly toxic. But I guess I am the asshole, because even if you told me to go to a doctor.... i cant afford it. Not because I dont have health insurance, its because my premium is like $200 a month. I don't have the $115 to see a specialist. 

​

and fuck me for being so toxic and pissed off. fuck me for wanting the life that my parents had.... which is completely unobtainable. My dad was an electrician and my mom stayed home with the kids. I AM A CIVIL ENGINEER. Designing water and wastewater treatment plants for hole communities and my wife manages a coffee shop. Together, I feel like we are drowning with no possibility of getting ahead.

​

Suicide is out of the question because I dont want to upset like the 40+ people in my family. But fuck, if I didn't have anyone... then maybe this bullshit might have gotten the best of me by now. Still doesn't stop me from thinking about driving into on=coming traffic.

​

I just wish the world rewarded hard work and dedicated people with good morals. However, every single 'successful' person in america, seems to do the complete opposite. I got the hint, if you want to succeed, fuck over your neighbor as much and as secretively as possible. 

​

I USED TO LOVE THIS COUNTRY.... NOW I FUCKING HATE IT. I just want a fair share... but that went to my rich friend whose father got him a much better position. Or maybe he deserves if because he is more fun at parties? time to join the thought process of the country';s elite.... TAKE everything GIVE nothing, steal as much as you can, then donate a little money to buy back your good reputation.

​

/End rant.",2.9790275578080454,5.045266708478515,4.134207581036851,85.33841621792844,75.87572590011615,6.7956076443881335,25.583676486115518,7.732562135867268,1.441615098722416,3440,124,670,50,77,1121,373,861,0.141,0.68,0.179,0.9883,8,1,1,0,0,2,193.0,3,7,1,20,36,52,18,1,53,1,79,26,1,7,4,110,147,60,2,20,31,7,9,3,3,9,10,3,2,5,37,32,2,4,13,8,15,13,19,22,0,2,19,14,98,31,98,111,18,82,1,0,2,13,51,32,12,22,35,466,135,22,0.0677630324126826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033927444305774816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671060865402284,0.4116975070745782,0.023040592867009088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02369074391596436,0.0,0.0,0.060323465444438736,0.0,0.0,0.03183279978716906,0.05210558916298662,0.0,0.12392314681513128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111312187023923,0.05993089546459849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908892771409897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104825023905467,0.0,0.0,0.027051633726697864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403750255987916,0.0,0.034672554490257634,0.1588355386298654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030008966792015087,0.035008663341329335,0.0,0.06713526573029614,0.0,0.028546638701654126,0.0,0.060901044146965774,0.03314262420303687,0.06388095620323261,0.0,0.08565756309790676,0.02420496194765727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235355074856885,0.3445520735061236,0.05310508142940662,0.032502237662331346,0.11553387875946684,0.05683641659246125,0.05419628729124064,0.0,0.03732430993719758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105355053862954,0.13380393096718407,0.0,0.07202893471243015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03398592328493414,0.0,0.0,0.03909472068267463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030115448365829738,0.0,0.0,0.037240790457614775,0.027617957813896872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196575844600684,0.049658392190788166,0.03395818023243506,0.029917999548351733,0.0,0.02845194033541893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115878239786851,0.0,0.0452323503240358,0.0687010790379616,0.06807707402914337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034144599318333003,0.035942934443319884,0.0,0.0793632445750162,0.0270439029873819,0.03601068972688013,0.1494408772132844,0.0,0.026131514027549724,0.0,0.0,0.03179550776279837,0.0,0.03251022858952977,0.0,0.03555295177406299,0.0,0.0,0.05153683966903196,0.0,0.0,0.037621414140029334,0.0,0.0,0.09395670902694277,0.02958403308037475,0.0,0.0,0.06405796857769856,0.07639263746258683,0.0,0.03446968260679797,0.03653000499954912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03795505230035495,0.0,0.0,0.0385645830507023,0.02170536686758833,0.0,0.0,0.03637606860213848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026943941591766687,0.0,0.03428990324863823,0.026999181761763063,0.030844459853497826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02870769873195712,0.02608364647675676,0.0,0.0,0.023981511558055245,0.036113188196782435,0.027057822608922852,0.05665292932473837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0370608795371324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094936716090099,0.08169803795290084,0.08884181565785952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752812157540558,0.021709907509360638,0.03328841764687649,0.026898139265749247,0.03951316913570673,0.0,0.0,0.03237524069563792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075529227516956,0.029262751562909174,0.0,0.02795579922965976,0.11990517658989247,0.0,0.027177708599174275,0.0,0.0,0.09422551490299158,0.0,0.0,0.07792414306696041,0.0,0.0,0.1973291786010153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03704411916211369,0.4116975070745782,0.1309115135264402
suicidewatch,user_end_now,2019/02/20,"Good luck stopping me. 22 years old, not english native. Always the same, nothing new. 

For the typical guy who asks ""Why you don't do what you want?"",it's because for that you need money, and I will die anyway before even can doing it/or working in it. But at least I will die doing a thing that I like

Not worth it. I'm tired of being utility, and doing something that I don't even want. Working for hours, to can survive.  This society don't let me the painless the ways (classic shot in head) to die because it consideres me now useful to them, but there is one loophole. This society, don't care about the beggars and other people that starve of hunger, for that I will dress me as a beggar, leave my home do some stroll walk, until I can't and then when I barely can move I will sit in some hill watching the sun for the last time, watching the sun always makes me smile. 

At the end all is the same, all we are replaceable, al we do a life that the end, you you will suffer. It's funny life it's born, survive and suffer, reproducition and have your children making the same. And repeat this until our extiction, because we end extincted, because is a mathematically fact, that any probability in a infinite time will happen. 

If I can't do what I want to do, then it doesn't worth it.

At the end my life is not important . It's funny A lot of people will care about me than 100 african childs starving of hunger.  

Don't worry I don't talk with my family and I don't have friends. So nobody will miss me.

Soon I will leave my house, I will bring my phone with me(writing from a computer) to have some enterteinment while I die. I only wanted to write this to leave something behind me before die. Good bye forever :) I hope all you have happy lifes and have the possibility to fullfill your dreams. I'm tired of all this.

Also you can't locate me because is a trash account,I use TOR(vpn) and a block tracker.

​",3.211048387096774,4.840055958333334,4.298259408602149,86.30897177419355,74.05208333333334,6.82983870967742,24.887096774193548,7.4822170145007005,1.1356538306451611,1504,48,304,18,31,490,179,384,0.18,0.716,0.104,-0.9788,0,0,2,0,0,1,61.0,4,9,1,4,11,12,0,0,23,0,45,9,1,4,5,47,62,22,5,6,6,0,0,1,1,10,6,0,1,3,25,15,2,2,1,1,5,3,14,3,0,2,0,2,45,9,35,50,12,35,0,3,2,0,24,7,0,7,25,215,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859906130860649,0.14275338290027265,0.09294371370154923,0.1042333446165513,0.05833404417582658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019368651262156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614566084318712,0.0,0.14598668247039248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491896083565955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451358472422881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039061372457748,0.0,0.0,0.11331512690006935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086672384392392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627421350995892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389812169493466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493670940523143,0.07585588441827919,0.09131550500032101,0.0,0.0,0.08803608795655804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604537052075238,0.08519992135294491,0.0844770384907808,0.09897979520354168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992299115136044,0.0,0.2724891852663634,0.0,0.08771691835425824,0.2423587225608547,0.0419082798849581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292796692144438,0.0,0.0,0.11451901160741633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911716628758128,0.0,0.06360554923700644,0.0,0.0828478564608802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823092149431322,0.0,0.09001276448657819,0.0,0.05812744816961502,0.06524034123793053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893953525043208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967052261669714,0.0,0.0,0.09248646237910296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207686057596552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717167848282948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894754520902978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056989106860623424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000392206569306,0.19718535767216755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817454153457904,0.0,0.0,0.2023835037138678,0.06808899142574913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740404013366885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248992277253134,0.08711480318904441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042333446165513,0.055240172979737164
suicidewatch,9891_18,2019/02/20,"Struggling with thoughts I used the crisis text line last night for the first time in over a year. I'm turning 30, and I'm realizing I'm completely alone, aside from my therapist. I cut off my family because I was abused as a kid. I had two best friends from college, but in the last few years I dumped on them and complained a lot and I think they've finally had it. At first I was really mad at them, but now I'm really sad. I've had problems with other people since before I can remember, and I'm always feeling forgotten or not important. With my one friend, I got upset because she wouldn't respond to my texts and she was always late when we met up. And I felt like that meant I wasn't a priority for her. I tried to reach out to her, but now she's really busy all the time. I got really mad at my other friend because I felt he was lecturing me on something. I apologized to him for getting so emotional, but now he's distant too. I wonder if I'm selfish and entitled like some of my family members said. Maybe I'm a narcissist too. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD. Sometimes I don't get other people, but I've been told that's because of the dissociation. I have trouble with authority and with coworker interactions. I have a hard time dating too, and I freak out at physical contact. I really do wonder if I'm messed up beyond repair...

​

I was so fed up with everything, I booked myself a solo trip for my birthday that's coming up because I didn't want to host a dinner no one would show up to.

​

I'm off meds for the first time in over 20 years (being put on meds was one way my family controlled me), and I really, really don't want to go back on, but I'm also suicidal, so I don't know what to do. I'd actually check myself in to a hospital now, but I'm in a health insurance gap, and I start a new job next week.

​

I want to kill myself, but I'm afraid of the pain or surviving and becoming disabled and then having no one. I wish I had a painless and instant way to do it.

​

I'm trying to hold on so I can go to a support group tonight and see my therapist this Friday. But I'm really at a low point and I have to turn to strangers on the Internet. I just really don't want to be forgotten.",4.0526282051282045,4.377144305555556,5.949982905982907,80.18946153846156,70.6880341880342,9.744273504273506,29.06153846153846,9.80755857964246,2.5822302564102566,1757,63,371,41,30,613,207,468,0.189,0.7170000000000001,0.094,-0.9928,1,1,1,0,1,1,64.0,1,0,2,6,16,24,5,3,22,0,31,5,0,2,1,67,76,37,2,10,15,0,4,2,3,2,3,1,0,1,10,27,2,2,11,2,1,5,10,17,0,8,24,6,56,7,62,48,5,65,0,2,1,0,24,30,0,8,30,242,66,4,0.0,0.07703129182230113,0.06344455987538944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673351878795013,0.0,0.05199189706124722,0.1081941800268426,0.2817717853905802,0.3159978705407348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999196903016318,0.0,0.19816051141602428,0.07180316549958729,0.05532236463971385,0.0,0.06822847689246715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600404636086621,0.06816623672535245,0.0,0.07291904446649336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598812671899974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313231549062413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843064365660084,0.0,0.1838690341341205,0.0,0.03287317395602291,0.0,0.12484781080447888,0.07121996700989196,0.0,0.1659033427283965,0.0,0.0,0.15068961677727508,0.0,0.06793455695917436,0.0,0.0738982283431087,0.0,0.103995719435724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824002570850315,0.0,0.0,0.06910714054409622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451664206725595,0.0,0.07192866930719917,0.0,0.03573014859101465,0.10599063278144094,0.07333894083950347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352538743906437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527281681025091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531558382121917,0.0,0.1444324196370038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279119776116611,0.06914342546039777,0.061011498570876926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622143767080645,0.0,0.06917977887762031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014543282791558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145951005859266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622098865879141,0.0,0.06535730951334923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748483189988553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364850664531324,0.0,0.06184346939265181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180796456410092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378048511799099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500511698574567,0.06430078636260253,0.0,0.04601744274905652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796704266017853,0.0,0.07111507121646889,0.0737774356737545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097318253289527,0.0,0.04165852613088292,0.0,0.051614076982649616,0.15164140042919164,0.0,0.0,0.062123931662598615,0.0,0.08828085835770619,0.1414337369084939,0.06350950563470494,0.0,0.0,0.0561514644923924,0.0,0.0,0.15338842968490912,0.10321062025283287,0.05215053465188927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476321464709068,0.0,0.14101042893563245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618427990225002,0.0,0.3159978705407348,0.12560119624469215
suicidewatch,nestledrinkingwater,2019/02/20,here again ill be here only for a week so im sorry if my posts are annoying but it majes feel better to get all this off my chest before i pass away. this hurts me while im typing this out. the letters on my screen are very blurry because of the tears keep falling out my eyes. yea i know what a pussy right? i cant even do that right. i want to thank everyone that supported me and all of the people who used to bully everyday till the point i skip lunch and sneak into the library. i  really want to thank the internet for always being there for me. without the interaction of the internet and all of the people i cam in contact i wouldnt be talking to you right now. i would probably be in some grave. im not sure why i was born because i haven’t made any changes in the world im basically a piece of trash. i guess condoms werent used in 1999. i cant wait to leave this earth and go back with the lord. thank you reddit for all of your communities my favourite community is the trees it always makes me smile and laugh for a few minutes. ,1.9257606344628684,3.5944462191780886,3.5609709204518154,90.0618168709445,77.67579908675799,6.802307137707282,22.02859889449652,7.669130373188453,0.7570858447488589,818,23,182,12,19,272,129,219,0.112,0.7609999999999999,0.127,0.65,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,1,8,10,1,0,16,1,14,5,2,4,5,32,31,10,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,9,1,2,2,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,2,3,25,7,30,23,7,27,1,2,2,1,8,15,0,3,8,119,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022550188698349,0.0,0.0,0.08264850167353235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418687104402556,0.0934535169731618,0.0,0.14817417338256336,0.0,0.10341800179411872,0.0,0.0,0.107488525635867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856874582383046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802732399883726,0.0,0.0,0.11613265119778082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145214481164555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349743163764822,0.0,0.06907158760422556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388536962192996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010657187357388,0.0,0.5251180152676599,0.0,0.0,0.10802659024570294,0.0,0.0,0.06679288918964753,0.0,0.0,0.12868884829714958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500009870477484,0.08112608045791045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243344136629146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851522154995874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489060098747922,0.0,0.11639768676541412,0.0,0.13103613248001014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785893619296337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113726898703914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604936141122495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379173689440706,0.11454603936971118,0.0,0.0,0.09768586056572168,0.0,0.3356814668908797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993579336079035,0.0,0.10027975116585604,0.14336991015893275,0.0,0.09748867607733608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966714259075364,0.0,0.0,0.11715616005693087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633553487629228,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwitawayyyy8638,2019/02/20,"Debt and miserable life I'm in grad school and I shouldn't be. Hate it and have no interest the career it leads to. Only went to grad school because I have an English degree and didn't know what to do with it (only got it because i enjoy reading books, big mistake). Now I'm here, my grades are garbage, job outlook is bleak and if I keep pushing on I'll only be in more debt and unemployable in the field bc my record is atrocious and I can't network for shit. 

If/when I drop-out the only thing I'm qualified to do is retail. No hope of paying up the hundreds of thousands (not exaggerating) I've racked up in grad school debt. I've been suicidal since I've been here. Tried a couple times. Had the perfect setup but couldn't see it through. Made friends and lost them when they realized how miserable I am. Same goes with dating. Spend a lot of time alone. 

I'm disappointed how my life's turned out and I know I'm the only one to blame. I had everything practically handed to me growing up and i fucked it up myself.  I don't have a dream in life or a passion. I was fortunate enough to experience a lot of cool stuff growing up and I have no burning desire to do anything else. I know we all die eventually, but I'm pretty much done with ""living"" now, it's pretty miserable. ",1.4028418532601032,3.5856370380228166,3.2841740599915497,88.86601887058163,81.66159695817491,6.177665117589072,23.048725531615272,7.3871296695380915,0.9474161104069854,1003,35,212,15,27,336,141,263,0.17800000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.151,-0.8268,6,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,2,3,8,16,3,3,12,1,25,7,2,4,2,40,44,18,2,6,5,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,10,16,0,1,4,3,6,5,9,9,0,2,11,3,22,7,29,29,7,24,0,5,1,2,4,13,2,5,6,133,32,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256778397097588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998574025599486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479427667751619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426701932673468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593796964399528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417906842141975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136899588702034,0.0,0.0,0.1253828356265735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905794279142213,0.11869965334485907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375160348132884,0.11218240357980892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705146572942752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980403335509628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052393865257115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041716160130993,0.10785788293195693,0.0,0.0,0.2000657321457225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571307638492644,0.0,0.0,0.107150723895774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324634720759548,0.20632802640475892,0.0,0.11482050072164053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892032578757152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222717680927813,0.4614454309447179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469049735632779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137881839226156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684258316940238,0.09669703569889497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455990513984624,0.10037864898019497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891211583990135,0.13273280735899318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061687745791789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151563407388268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238595536389175,0.13198958135044514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248893958735984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maloewen,2019/02/20,I wanna die so fucking bad The screams won't get the fuck out of my skull. Everyone is disappointed in me. I did a bad job. The screams won't get the fuck out of my skull. I can't be okay. I wanna die so fucking bad ,-2.069795918367348,-0.2280600204081616,1.1073469387755104,99.59122448979595,98.18367346938774,4.4326530612244905,19.244897959183675,6.18269132825596,-0.19623265306122484,165,6,43,2,7,58,27,49,0.454,0.459,0.087,-0.975,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,5,1,6,6,2,0,0,4,12,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,1,2,7,1,7,8,0,3,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798711412685396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976490199362889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305803549932956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7084316662196595,0.20017996618444506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901085368837916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,M_Knight3,2019/02/20,"A hug before I go  I'm lonely. I'm lost. I'm feeling like i wasn't meant to get this life. I'm a recovering alcoholic. Been sober 3 years 2 months and 18 days today. I was in a car accident that finally convinced me to stop. It wasn't easy. It still isn't. I don't know if i want to die sober. My family was united and now i cry for help and they give me the minimal response. I had a fiance, but she cheated and blames me and left me. She's young, what the hell was i thinking? I miss her. She was my sponsor even if she didn't know it. I miss her. I love you. My work is meaningless. 5 years in one job and I'll be demoted by next month. Over 2 years at the other and I'm nothing there. I'm lost. My friends are there but not next to me. Does that make sense? I'm ugly. I feel it. I see it. I've never had a girl ask for my number. I've been in relationships. Good and bad. Only one gave me great hugs. I loved those. I want one. I get overlooked. But I'm a leader. At least i think i am. I know how I'll do it. I've had options but this idea sticks with me. I think that's the one. I'll have a plate of spaghetti before i go. That's my favorite. I don't know when I'll do it. Birthday is March 12. Do i want to see it? Maybe not. But maybe. I'm lost. You guys won't stop me. I wish you could. If i had a best friend, or a brother, or a father, i think that would've been nice. Might've helped. The Count of Monte Cristo, my favorite film. Are you out there Abbé Faria? Can you please save my life? Make me a Count? I'm lonely. I wanted to be an actor. Make movies. I'm sorry son. I want a drink. My head hurts. I love the moon. I'm lonely like it. I'm damaged like it. I'm overlooked like it. Thank you moon for being me. You are so beautiful. Do you think I'll be happy before i hit the ground? Like I'm flying? Or maybe in the sky like the moon! I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm lost. I'm very lonely. I'm David. I'm Peter. I'm Christian. I'd like a hug before i go. ",-3.0701785714285705,-1.6597390892857131,0.15873214285714354,103.89876785714287,109.53571428571428,3.2221428571428565,11.85,5.247443014008828,-1.5287916071428571,1480,28,394,11,80,515,186,448,0.177,0.584,0.239,0.9926,1,8,2,0,0,1,82.0,0,8,1,6,9,40,2,1,23,0,35,11,1,4,1,52,99,22,1,10,13,3,2,7,2,1,3,0,0,2,21,10,2,2,13,3,0,4,10,16,0,4,20,4,65,24,21,72,2,33,2,12,2,6,31,11,1,7,25,202,86,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528756903446623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746071595488872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663407146378414,0.0,0.0,0.2716336456079267,0.0,0.08375071290459983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371801856706874,0.0,0.08766234762482246,0.05146780048671818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282527620402523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983813427288438,0.0,0.0,0.07817878767509133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527106317191522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523331112942254,0.0,0.08070389021267475,0.057012904668818414,0.0,0.0874227783147109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233147155676977,0.0,0.08338992507712215,0.07655649206856645,0.13606553131495086,0.0669368786431179,0.0,0.08798559783070149,0.0,0.07901976958193856,0.0,0.08495419960240763,0.0,0.0,0.08190323635017137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069835877124614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543319785351537,0.09009044195908056,0.0,0.0,0.0791944216468379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543556901620602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670866519452455,0.0,0.1127376522297446,0.2729217849728199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484675413665683,0.0,0.2160821304770633,0.0,0.15981192301897718,0.0,0.2405253769959739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084660785642463,0.0,0.0,0.12739961882415676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155074820304687,0.0,0.16974763145016694,0.0,0.0,0.07657531407587075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216312479864738,0.06069550808087688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760222727976072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568099945477696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989900278631959,0.0,0.12718894408908446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933547202045979,0.0,0.0,0.06373259599764115,0.1334415673028246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734739753820529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556799903004683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564606966303823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584771006324522,0.2353560954774615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917721281628781,0.0,0.0,0.05809919094421885,0.0,0.0,0.05669137789628818,0.0,0.0,0.15417594245497362
suicidewatch,TinyMockingbird,2019/02/20,"I’m tired... and numb I don’t want this anymore. I want everything to end. The pain, the numbness. It doesn’t feel worth it. I don’t feel anything except for calmness when I envision myself ending it all. I don’t want to have to keep convincing myself not to go through. I don’t know if I know how much longer I can keep on doing that. I know there are treatments that I haven’t tried yet, but everything feels blocked by yet another issue. Just for everything to stop... after all these years. I have lived longer with depression than without. I wish people would just let me go and that someone would kill me. I know I could do it right now but it takes too much effort. And I’m already dreading the internal debate and fight that’s gonna come when I get even the slightest bit more energy. Why won’t everything just end?",2.223704545454545,4.421904896969701,3.0924810606060618,91.2587215909091,78.81818181818181,6.5492424242424265,23.03977272727273,7.6454224807358475,0.9972499999999996,648,21,135,10,16,205,95,165,0.185,0.7440000000000001,0.071,-0.9746,0,0,0,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,2,1,4,0,17,4,0,1,2,36,38,10,1,8,9,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,11,6,0,4,7,0,1,3,9,7,0,0,0,3,19,2,15,32,6,16,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,11,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174957724217566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469274287676858,0.0,0.0,0.12738950941167246,0.0,0.0,0.10570475370038347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023592056434211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064971268635096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255818114097932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063520802199303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413100757465565,0.0,0.0,0.08484109577604138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617762003139259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948470239034766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671106794727941,0.0,0.1460040526626845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407013781541802,0.0,0.22834743659835835,0.14211270631178086,0.0,0.28237464488630204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135050323573824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342515014268385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888534682716891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668159988280498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905219256947751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969699743511027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883665646363584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073913214734861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965796461518146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763626246168113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721023075763297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227292313371648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590762437612608,0.0,0.1477130449986403,0.12382279571103698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824967170722461,0.0,0.0,0.08271864374457326
suicidewatch,zesphor,2019/02/20,"""Invisible"" I'llness I have been having digestive problems these past 5 years, it's pretty smelly to be honest. Fast foward these years with a few doctor checkups recently. I even took a few blood tests. I have ""nothing wrong"" with me, even though I'm feeling pain / uneveness 24/7. These symptoms have risen my anxiety to the peak of me not wanting to socialize because of a smell I worry about 24/7. What's worse is my own mother doesn't believe my symptoms at all. Calling it a reason not to go to school. I really want to go to school, but with the constant worrying it's basically impossible to even go. 

I want some advice, some help. It's a roadblock for me. Thanks

",2.9954206730769246,5.540495921874999,4.106250000000003,83.15990384615384,78.0625,7.063461538461539,27.03365384615385,8.139509932561175,2.034167548076923,530,22,97,10,13,172,81,128,0.099,0.76,0.141,0.6611,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,8,7,1,1,1,15,18,2,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,2,2,12,2,16,15,6,11,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,64,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568945651000811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405378169202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088415094298984,0.0,0.0,0.16797387586628296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223801278245405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111380476953185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260038708489654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954184967558437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538460822605529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419460559378826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999321820183472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305630214812248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864274422759386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232369887127794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167858067710058,0.0,0.14265941994195575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551115619794773,0.15328980755891133,0.14720882718745373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017749780662511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197893240292054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099241143551801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726245003532692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648060439839974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564496919336233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26381222026983825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30281716610215353,0.1519358997361854,0.0,0.16300699606194435,0.0,0.1920187158136224
suicidewatch,ElaraSophie,2019/02/20,"Everything that keeps me here is a promise Hi,


#Now
normally I would write a suicide note now and go. My time has come. I'm 27 and there is nothing which keeps me

#Facets
I saw many facets of life. I saw the facet of the kid from rich parents, who became everything that she wanted. I saw the facet of a children in a care home because the parents were no longer able to care. I saw the facet of the failing student, who wasn't able to do the next semester. I saw the facet of successfull student who graduated with 2.1 .I saw the facet of the sucessfull Coder who worked for a big company. I saw the facet of the mentally ill person who isn't even able to care for themselfs. I saw the facet of being without a job and the one of the person working in a sheltered workshop. I experienced sexual abuse, I experienced being born in the wrong body. I experienced being a successfull sportler(rescue swimming) and I experienced not being able to go to sport at all. I saw the dice rolling many times and oftn I was lucky.

Thats all part of me and my history.

#Nothing will ever be better
Now I reached the end point, I saw to much in my life and I just want to go. I even know how. I will take a train or drink a glass of salt. My parents won't miss me they have 2 wonderful daughters left when I left who they like more than me. They can still be proud. My life shattered in parts I even can't imagine. I lost my job, because I wasn't able to fill it anymore. I will never be the woman I want to be. 

#But...
Like I said I'm ready to go. But I promised her to go to the hospital again if I think about suicide really strong. And I said to her ""See you next week, thats a promise"" and so I can't go, but I don't want to life either. I don't know what to do.

At least I was happy a few days ago, I did feel good and though everything is good now, but... I genuinly want to go. Just close the door and everyone is better off. But no, one person still wants me being alive, even its her job as psychotherapist. I will write my local suicide helpline but for the moment I needed to get all that from my chest.


Kind regards

Sophie",1.0539508985067059,3.145455432801821,2.7025937737281716,93.06204049607695,82.37129840546697,5.906778030878259,21.82844849405214,7.123485893559443,0.5579967704378634,1641,53,367,22,45,539,191,439,0.063,0.79,0.147,0.9782,6,0,1,0,1,3,57.0,0,1,3,8,21,22,0,0,34,0,35,8,2,1,5,53,79,24,3,10,13,4,1,2,0,6,5,2,2,6,15,14,1,2,6,3,1,10,13,4,0,2,19,19,60,18,46,45,10,44,0,3,11,0,29,14,0,4,22,245,75,9,0.3585430382807965,0.08496297419425013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356535403738152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711156701172341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742580330392352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684087226736487,0.0,0.07965209755757463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193351139008868,0.0,0.0,0.06177061598172899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624611963312422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024713575098084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351254214097335,0.0,0.0,0.1894514362276297,0.06486454102026203,0.0,0.06852064762033026,0.1933412182909268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036258026633535896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037464787836708285,0.0,0.28527557979555074,0.12029155582027999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633514626612277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192958024161693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347918483718056,0.1274758105925866,0.0,0.07467348005604102,0.07881835085144531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558232240699427,0.0,0.20259964105206973,0.07006640711823565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827841608685852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540254610464975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722654104728893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052714077525422905,0.053171023960573736,0.055306098919866924,0.0,0.15252583551748475,0.0,0.07025921032401533,0.1376126860758564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718321676233264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887176798177,0.15530686827763454,0.0,0.0,0.18783957082626496,0.0,0.0,0.06778781250540733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045938370268376064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642261397386002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057142476157228214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453317340798705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23531273399355845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391594871109784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045947980319395454,0.07045334293768912,0.0,0.0836277315793072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25377356820937785,0.0,0.05752031966523567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912453885290594,0.07776492611869835,0.10440944083815842,0.0,0.0,0.05093973745847113,0.07840210546619078,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sofiacat,2019/02/20,"""Suicide is transfering your suffering to someone else"" I saw a Buddhist nun saying this (she tried to kill herself before she was a nun) in a talk and that idea is literally what made me stop wanting to kill myself. 

I know people around me couldn't care less about my existence now, but I know that when I'm gone my parents and my siblings will be devastated, asking themselves why they didn't realized, what if they did something to help me and all the ""what if""s that comes after someone you care dies.

When we are suicidal people say we are selfish, but even though I disagree, I now know that we will literally transfer all this agonizing pain we are suffering from depression, to other people. It will hurt them in ways you don't even imagine.

What are the reasons you are feeling suicidal?
What is keeping you to live the life you truly want? What is keeping you to follow your dreams?",6.807573964497043,7.1508019763313655,6.780881656804732,76.54777218934913,64.7396449704142,9.600236686390533,34.651479289940816,9.3871,3.150324970414202,710,30,128,12,10,226,98,169,0.312,0.622,0.065,-0.9957,1,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,4,8,3,0,9,10,2,0,6,0,18,2,0,2,2,29,35,9,6,4,3,1,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,14,9,0,3,8,1,0,3,3,8,0,0,6,4,30,2,13,24,3,13,2,4,1,0,24,3,0,1,6,97,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714982446480915,0.12302605480052024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197992247757517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683451852289017,0.0,0.0,0.11335973815946353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334487824782175,0.0,0.13657760234750307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993296501253587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738380366083025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653973479189898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820714261374031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087802490353676,0.1485577485656502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339401069711739,0.29118664270374417,0.0,0.21696790956374915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295132441150164,0.0,0.0,0.11620315144712108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452089495512303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002919662205865,0.0,0.14612363630473885,0.0,0.0,0.27369975900842997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530431982461105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930349439375814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300455336638467,0.10131031377726986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002154264368773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318394674741047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057732203633315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929404023164767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934617798362485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523942782394018,0.1044561031514366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874642627593444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BreadLizard,2019/02/20,No point in living anymore I have always been alone. People I trusted don’t care about me back. My life is a lie. It’s a joke. I’ve already planned to take my life this year as it has been 14 years since depression has started and hasn’t gotten better with help from therapy or drugs. I have no purpose and I m a huge burden to everyone. People I thought I loved abandon me. I’m fucking tired of this.,0.8991666666666696,3.0785715357142855,2.659523809523812,92.61880952380956,83.64285714285714,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.6212476190476193,315,12,67,3,9,104,61,84,0.202,0.583,0.215,0.2975,0,1,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,9,1,0,3,0,9,6,0,0,0,6,17,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,10,5,8,13,0,7,0,2,0,2,2,3,1,1,4,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248734749817733,0.22640284876788044,0.0,0.17071233520418247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346690547563767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775794543619645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814503029045992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917769981398696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176706885181126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379243407883226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604236463654728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967020301823884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751666297547024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898258706371229,0.0,0.0,0.1811629890814765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516792558063702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844688566839232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394567212403274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971323597310414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521566889951434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425729971954222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346221608702959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628767759768694,0.0,0.235805080008534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642369304282428
suicidewatch,jedimasterpaco,2019/02/20,"Just venting It’s been a tough week guys with work and my personal life. I’ve always dealt with my inner demons by hiding it for 23 years. But after all this. I can’t make my work happy, I can’t make my girlfriend happy, and I can’t make my family happy. Idk if I ever will be able to. My 24th birthday is in a couple weeeks and I just feel so lost. I have an amazing family, gf and an ok job. But this depression is getting worse. I can get snappy with my gf sometimes and I don’t mean it. She’s an amazing girl and she doesn’t deserve seeing me self destruct. 
I’m afraid I’ll lose her and that only intensifies my depression. 
This week I feel like a loser. Like life’s little bitch. I’m ready to let life run me over. ",0.14559772296015086,2.19747212903226,2.5065275142315,93.33155597722963,85.7741935483871,5.195445920303605,17.504743833017073,6.522977012572876,-0.17188425047438338,560,13,126,6,17,191,91,155,0.191,0.645,0.16399999999999998,-0.5875,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,4,17,2,1,6,1,13,3,0,3,2,23,25,11,0,1,5,0,2,2,3,1,3,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,3,22,8,10,20,1,10,1,5,1,0,10,4,1,1,7,73,29,3,0.14090095794349952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724088434939516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590422998543052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271557722507994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745298319197415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656577665700096,0.0,0.1424875158726448,0.10065967250817867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722987010580313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395141007811157,0.0,0.4499750693205661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398224593844489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144080775829198,0.2985675405956006,0.13767418173779952,0.14121977586919776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763213086954975,0.1538100400139459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282157450623466,0.0,0.0,0.15348244973171465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716152775636503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302928167296172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227982097244743,0.0,0.1469904284921685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935465023428667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260444988950189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515515101035506,0.0,0.14359011365002838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907355972962456
suicidewatch,sadworkerbee,2019/02/20,"Depression has set in again, it’s worse than ever. In the past 24 hours I’ve gone from stressed to seriously considering suicide, including checking my life insurance policy to be sure it would pay out ( it does as long as there is no mental health issues I’m being treated for so going to a therapist seems like a bad idea)

I started a new job in Nov and since then everyone above me has been fired or quit.  I have no confidence I can do the job and will be fired myself.

My wife is currently going through a miscarriage and I’m the one with the insurance.

I hate that I’ve always been too scared to live my life and at 37 wish I would have just killed myself as I threatened when I was 8.

",4.608652482269502,5.037729865248231,5.667517730496456,82.33333333333334,69.49645390070923,9.670921985815603,28.43262411347518,9.725611199111238,2.3799985815602827,545,18,115,12,9,181,96,141,0.28300000000000003,0.6509999999999999,0.066,-0.9874,3,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,2,8,0,17,3,0,0,2,15,26,11,2,3,2,1,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,2,3,2,7,0,1,4,2,13,3,17,16,0,19,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,11,75,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696023058282578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743396886815726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176957810947333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404240594372802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888995475691202,0.0,0.15728217549428786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870917343432607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625082385491092,0.0,0.17496190463278066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209766011267654,0.0,0.0,0.1858131541947304,0.0,0.1717994408379687,0.3266798333059608,0.0,0.18210530605963707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325234320288067,0.08041515458002499,0.0,0.14534465085956527,0.14566565522397146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658778976395924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897152548884827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153709345106558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712914676793244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507216256528602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479312790454326,0.0,0.0,0.14984548820228538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615866658980824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650459513033183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885485301496158,0.0,0.0,0.18004548025236128,0.0,0.1551333761909914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911130699118789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928166218623646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774127203198216,0.23385396971055625,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badbadbye,2019/02/20,"it all feels like a final goodbye I broke down again. I don't feel like trying anymore. I don't want to try, I don't want to try to get better anymore. 

I'm done. ",-1.0201351351351349,0.7060177297297301,1.7310135135135134,99.12733108108112,87.91891891891892,3.7,17.35810810810811,3.1291,-1.0165081081081082,124,3,31,0,4,43,23,37,0.149,0.626,0.225,0.5656,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,4,3,4,9,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839798374378944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580484525858093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497044370348085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675509359596046,0.34863807904819943,0.0,0.2672983395052925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274838716766949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841952322912244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49699531970801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28784394514255984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12783412634,2019/02/20,"My wife left me. I lost my job and career, my house, all my savings. I still love her more than life itself. Every day I put a gun to my head but can't finish it thinking she might come back one day. She will never come back. My wife left me, again. I lost my job and career. I used to make a whole lot of money. Almost a quarter million a year. I'm going to be evicted soon because she took all the money, and what she didn't take had to go towards past due bills. My cars will probably be repossessed soon. I had a wonderful life with her until the day she walked out without looking back. The worst part is that she tells me she still loves me and wishes the whole thing never happened. 

​

I'm posting this from a throwaway account made with a fake email address using a VPN owned and built by me to another country on a satellite connection bought under a fake name using a prepaid card bought with cash in a foreign country months ago. No one will link this to me until an automated email is sent out after I fail to prevent it from being sent on a twice daily schedule. This allows me to cover around 900 miles by car in almost any direction. I've researched very mountainous ares that would be very difficult to be found in, at least for quite some time. None of my devices, vehicles, computers, etc. have the radio or GPS enabled. I have up-to-date paper maps of the continent I reside in. No need for GPS. I even went to the trouble of writing this on a machine booted to Tails OS. 

I developed these kind of automations and highly secure methods for a living. I was very good at it. 

​

I haven't eaten in days, haven't slept. The sleeping pills aren't working anymore. I still hear her voice calling me constantly. I don't have any medical or psychological conditions that I know of, I had to be screened for such things quarterly for work. I don't know why I her her voice. It's so loud. 

​

She cut all contact with me yesterday. We've never been unfaithful to each other, no abuse, we had a loving marriage. 

Every day since she left I've put a 9mm handgun to my head. I've had a lot of experience with guns, I've collected many. I made sure it wouldn't fail to fire or jam. I tested a few of my best pistols at the range last week. I just want to have courage to end it, but at the last second I start to have hope she'll come home. Not knowing is the worst part. We were together for seven years. We never had children, so the only people I'd hurt would be my parents, friends (whats left of them), brother, and some part of her that still loves me. 

​

She said that she would marry me all over again. She still loves me. I love her so much. Being without her is only pain. 

My parents went through a divorce too, they have tried giving me advice. My wife only left because I wasn't home for her. I had to travel for work a lot. I quit my job, and when you quite your job in my line of work, you never work in that career again. Blacklisted. Gone. 

​

She says she will never come back, but a part of me still thinks there is hope that she will. I don't want to make her unhappy. 

​

No one knows I feel this way, I've become reserved and separated from the outside world. If I tell anyone they will call the police, which will only make me end it sooner. I live in a house surrounded by cameras so I will have a heads up in advance. I don't want anyone else to have to experience this. I've become completely insane. Maybe its due to my former profession. 

I should drive out to the middle of nowhere where I won't be found by family. I don't want to hurt them. 

I have lots of airline miles and visas to go anywhere in the world, but then I wouldn't have the gun. 

​

Until then I'll just sit here and stare down the barrel, flipping a coin until I finally find the courage to pull the trigger. Every day it gets easier to imagine death. I've never been afraid of death, the concept of it is very appealing. I have no fear, but lack courage. I had courage when I asked her to marry me. I just wish I could muster that very same courage now. At the end I've realized that she is never coming home. 

She will never love me again. 

​

I've held this pistol for so long it seems my hand is attached to it. It's begging me to just shoot it one last time. 

​

TL;DR, probably going to shoot myself in my car tomorrow. This isn't a cry for help, I don't want help. I'm going to leave my throwaway account up so my family can have some amount of closure. This is why I did it. I'm sorry.",2.1246182187777904,4.088343688984882,3.3641054503874983,90.34723300724178,78.09287257019437,6.042312285605387,23.097141405158176,6.998715165544473,0.7204165569813235,3560,113,743,39,85,1154,374,926,0.123,0.755,0.122,-0.1751,7,0,1,8,2,0,147.0,3,3,4,15,36,37,1,2,49,0,77,19,6,10,14,118,149,34,2,19,16,6,3,0,1,18,5,7,4,1,41,29,1,3,15,2,10,26,34,16,0,10,33,13,125,21,110,88,31,138,0,6,3,7,74,43,0,18,66,513,166,18,0.0,0.0406765190661627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033547771672011735,0.030432283709106712,0.0,0.06875490223825091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33477777720734025,0.37544236217703536,0.046692397334888884,0.03599895652728946,0.0,0.0,0.034047041536151595,0.04800994637890594,0.035176078267341405,0.0,0.030561791892757876,0.03209477010637748,0.0,0.0,0.10559341448415044,0.0,0.04185561285597391,0.07583159418363106,0.0,0.0,0.0360281760245414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011140291096812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478652120254669,0.03599530998679972,0.03709952157894167,0.0,0.027410441168235915,0.0,0.03771089679617735,0.13284359580153146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028679073265501943,0.0,0.09122099911772866,0.0,0.03828804389726597,0.022675244807833613,0.0,0.08677582676757158,0.0,0.0,0.06716444264005543,0.06472826038788394,0.03863182263060961,0.017358741565337864,0.0,0.0,0.037607838028371886,0.03137783329153309,0.0,0.0,0.07528415004767315,0.026523978870186173,0.0,0.017936485524452574,0.032933340820747004,0.09755524745347284,0.028795141708640486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030358713727887274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570026620184833,0.0,0.038693434990916736,0.0,0.04602257576281273,0.036272495368442466,0.10331011725518964,0.06819668749045063,0.0,0.07922653042603332,0.07350390662613385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362725385516006,0.0,0.0,0.03575036377954191,0.0754694896589269,0.08395283059346481,0.0,0.03635148076243965,0.1865031916826693,0.0,0.04849787945988564,0.0,0.0,0.06062965178195968,0.030381778416302706,0.028829321162827874,0.0,0.07495249582827343,0.1167476610419138,0.2168949307539004,0.06496948152170043,0.0687484547135352,0.03480615818234061,0.034490017339319806,0.0,0.0,0.0345847838970688,0.0,0.03641967431342427,0.0,0.0,0.02740260788994492,0.0,0.025237171836942997,0.025455937605889982,0.2383030546742753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305406283226772,0.10444082793791737,0.036530512833666005,0.0,0.0762408340560503,0.14870813665627886,0.03277274188281288,0.0238007329905029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03287952551626922,0.0,0.07402906331141812,0.0,0.0,0.06902410133963738,0.0,0.10954545822918436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265656076066964,0.027301320626436643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031253574579708766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028398886693162182,0.0,0.0343557072139934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843064732899538,0.02429959751520277,0.0,0.16450027283131724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03235648000320118,0.0,0.025812574671681403,0.0,0.0600134637824276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045615867353139265,0.04399572673245807,0.0,0.0,0.04003726388236342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814290847282143,0.02330843695603736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895266048322363,0.0,0.14163299670499088,0.101246312326555,0.027250281432573686,0.02753818827252252,0.0,0.0,0.06365020215017428,0.0619566198145517,0.07665847854635888,0.07895771326424972,0.06618755167778055,0.037230411599221504,0.12496657076854527,0.0,0.0,0.07316308856670352,0.0,0.37544236217703536,0.04421596585766517
suicidewatch,ezaldeenaziz,2019/02/20,Person in my class is bullying me He hates me and makes me want to kermit suicide. He also always tells me to rope hang myself,1.0187179487179492,3.4000906153846167,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,85.15384615384616,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.07362564102564129,100,2,19,1,3,34,21,26,0.327,0.636,0.038,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314027477690043,0.3448215066212265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091431170669497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766212422918883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618459763453393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453296212314836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622117538839595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444291800589098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WilliamRat777,2019/02/20,"No suicide! I get bullied a lot, i am con sidering suicide",-0.7675000000000018,1.3174239166666697,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,101.5,2.4000000000000004,39.333333333333336,3.1291,2.2715333333333336,45,4,8,0,2,16,10,12,0.757,0.243,0.0,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172828702518504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535707545911699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9098218923464902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0Spryth0,2019/02/20,"Why are you still alive? For me it's because I don't know what will happen after death. And while I do suffer I know that it can be worse. So yes, I'm afraid of what happens next. It's the only reason why I'm still here, breathing.",0.20117647058823707,1.9356063725490245,2.0389803921568657,98.61141176470586,83.31372549019608,4.08,16.08235294117647,3.1291,-1.1636776470588233,179,3,43,0,5,59,38,51,0.194,0.7020000000000001,0.103,-0.7102,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,1,6,1,1,1,0,4,12,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,10,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108511186969368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673530227742199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904511570835069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810342067082829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009749864377107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716943003032551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220627859049625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768913105268598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692946036474337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babygirljane233,2019/02/20,Missing In every family there is one member that is a outcast in my family that person is me. I really don't want to live I lost my best friend at the age of 8. My sisters moved out when i was 9. This past September I lost the most important person in my life my Mom. I don't want to die because i want people to fill sorry for me or hurt my family and friends but to be with my Mom,0.2843823529411793,1.8902272470588244,3.4078676470588256,89.5541544117647,82.41176470588233,7.0735294117647065,18.86029411764705,8.07648339933343,0.6810294117647056,296,7,69,6,8,107,55,85,0.141,0.738,0.121,0.3333,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,13,4,1,3,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,3,0,15,3,12,9,2,10,0,4,0,0,7,5,0,2,3,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001534722930062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218099505708587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702784129005759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823577218715602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640108456076861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25351963816491363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563997376456073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588725915341433,0.0,0.0,0.14487652340034493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35820284948461995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843128261706617,0.0,0.17438009264113166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117785370018876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662306369015205,0.11374525001213864,0.2865186125775993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510723104407818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366256158199706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29031762457869764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadVulpix,2019/02/20,"Where do I go for assistance with committing suicide? Looking for a subreddit, website, dark web forum, anything.


Anyone who wants to provide 'help' or someone to talk to can fuck off.",5.245520833333334,8.06846334375,5.532500000000002,74.39583333333336,71.8125,8.016666666666666,38.79166666666666,8.841846274778883,4.224404166666666,145,9,21,3,3,46,29,32,0.22,0.7440000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762512535912444,0.0,0.3251196855893993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652479119776272,0.0,0.0,0.2245348011075205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26481583936034303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317702564614812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347525848303489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321567303940936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175527888372941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330302182048707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elasticplank,2019/02/20,"Some kids started yelling at me when I was crying in the park just now I already want to end it all, thanks for giving me more motivation",1.5720238095238095,3.918550249999999,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,82.21428571428572,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.5433904761904769,109,4,23,1,3,35,26,28,0.093,0.629,0.278,0.6361,0,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572065023041145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551051718266108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36695979150759495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974483506467474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932540311158776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814452509775696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24437350624267465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_DXXM_,2019/02/20,"Every day I want to die becuase of my ordeal Ever since some stalker shit that happened last year in the schoolyear 2017/2018 between me and this girl. I been trying for months to fix it but nothing works. I tried being normal doesnt work, I tried having fun but its doesnt work. But everyone else can do whatever the fucking they want ans live a normal. But whenever I want to be my fucking self everyone apparently on my fucking ass for nothing. And then I get depressed and furious over some bullshit that happened a year ago, that can't get out my head. I cant sleep without the memories being replay everytime. I just want to die but I am afraid of letting my family and friend go through the pain that am gone. And cant none of my friend and family for help

Please help me
I can just feel the noose around my neck",3.6792307692307697,5.35887828220859,4.357668711656442,86.15263331760265,72.9263803680982,7.469372345445964,27.875884851344967,8.139509932561175,1.8098970268994807,652,25,129,10,13,208,95,163,0.18,0.67,0.15,-0.8966,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,3,4,11,5,1,8,0,16,9,5,0,1,26,30,12,2,6,8,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,2,1,20,3,18,24,3,15,0,1,0,4,7,5,5,2,8,87,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742289571642843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078800465579415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815408506522369,0.0,0.1043761763907065,0.0,0.25154110417718345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123423947056312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961846954578268,0.1021033088705315,0.2315942857617753,0.0,0.0,0.2284842383837511,0.0,0.06127460898978511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872539467226462,0.3360998165861054,0.12662797392598668,0.0,0.06887203914078124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432640218846505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437043044962218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245505608541064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098781678169424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391953284903764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700828145125102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672844528716243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374704880686043,0.2325599133277993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894903018481824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330243736468257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642203741061564,0.0,0.12439431953545098,0.10024520909646106,0.0,0.12127218543932575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468293030232313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859114262916476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681769481335848,0.0,0.2646716433382612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607790511981096
suicidewatch,perfumecream,2019/02/20,"Suicidal because I'm a fun victim for the Police to abuse. I am a victim of police brutality in Canada , Toronto Ontario. I live with everyday being traumatized by the polices actions. These officers responsible do not feel anything for this amount of abuse. They are more concerned about covering it up then to be actually police doing actually police work for a living. Hence, brainwashing future bright officers of being  dignified public protectors. I am disgusted that this corrupted organization is not held accountable for their crookedness.",8.741749598715893,11.601690269662926,9.25621187800963,51.345730337078656,62.033707865168545,12.726163723916535,40.80417335473515,12.031772070788634,6.716334189406101,450,25,51,17,7,150,66,89,0.269,0.625,0.106,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,1,6,4,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,12,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,2,5,2,14,8,2,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,42,10,1,0.0,0.6004591862162083,0.4945505636917388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852107301852826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544661871951184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812325234991573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475018045466445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771711130643804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844733205067483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dedo_trow,2019/02/20,"Planning on doing it end of next week Throwaway cause i know people on reddit

have been feeling depressed and wanting to die for many years now. I've got a week off work next week, and at the end of that week im going to kill myself.",2.381530612244898,3.863348326530616,3.3956632653061227,92.53594387755103,75.93877551020408,4.9,22.45408163265306,3.1291,-0.10598367346938753,184,5,39,0,4,59,38,49,0.219,0.754,0.028,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,8,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,9,6,0,15,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,10,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573923073023586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411363722151914,0.0,0.19775262394508572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375275011307716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634381425314792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082894702326232,0.0,0.15239392901095522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581817233147925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108066098052947,0.0,0.10471695868781143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317978933917265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052873840715607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209790523666626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238667125598124,0.0,0.6113655384083682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387169229596541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270286949028353
suicidewatch,NielsGamer777,2019/02/20,How do I tell my doctor I want to do something about my suicidal thoughts? The past 2 years have been really rough for me. I want to go to my doctor and ask for some kind of medication or a therapist but I don't know how I should tell my doctor that.,2.328333333333333,3.240340907407411,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,75.1111111111111,8.362962962962964,22.759259259259267,8.841846274778883,1.230903703703703,195,5,46,4,4,67,37,54,0.057,0.895,0.048,-0.3506,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,2,0,11,12,5,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,10,1,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,32,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502497715489656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6405726792055052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855956495649282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723831815199598,0.11464823901090394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210155631807832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991446960303624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364281788201368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060046517791696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818874266180736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36467388189293976,0.0,0.0,0.2422157505331645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561540512938486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460906830995536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433992053364696
suicidewatch,StackThatCheez77,2019/02/20,Just want to end it all Can’t seem to find peace. I go to sleep every night wanting to just die. I have a wife and daughter and I know they need me but I just can’t seem to justify living in a world where the pressure is constant. Thinking about just ending it all so I can go to sleep and never wake up again. Am I a coward? I just don’t see an end game and it scares me because the pressure isn’t letting up.,-0.8345154845154852,1.1698832307692335,1.3814185814185826,99.89312687312687,90.31868131868131,3.748651348651349,18.162837162837164,4.851557810540192,-0.7633384615384613,318,9,77,1,11,106,55,91,0.171,0.7909999999999999,0.038,-0.9144,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,3,6,0,9,3,3,0,3,21,19,6,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,10,0,10,18,2,14,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,7,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116399046153955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634503379111496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981720345058181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073650371839633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088042958097618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452138990677699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170382794770442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493905130779932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525545154963087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860901452693194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158420599292604,0.14726949979262893,0.0,0.0,0.17919009663746724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911704815586414,0.0,0.15215941903225225,0.3476605426849338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821682471513612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122350630586389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252500609076021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Richerd108,2019/02/20,"I lost what feels like the love of my life and it's my fault. God, being 17 it's hard to talk about this to anyone who isn't my age because ""teenagers don't know love"". I treated her so horribly the last few months we were together. She never told me, pointed it out to me. And then on top of that I shattered her heart when she needed me the most over a petty argument. We loved each other so much before it all went to shit. It's been a month and I still cry everyday, my heart still hurts. I know there's lots to look forward to in life but I just can't live with how I treated her and the pain I'm experiencing right now. There's a gun in my house and I know where it is. I was thinking either sleeping pills with alcohol or cutting my femoral artery in the bath tub though. There's this sick view deep down in me that if I try to kill myself and fail she'll want to be with me again having almost lost me. I'm not doing that though, if I do this it'll be all the way. I'm giving it serious thought atm.",1.5147031963470319,2.8166943744292254,3.0024885844748894,95.20638127853884,77.85844748858447,6.1452054794520565,20.842465753424648,6.691623216298621,0.06602465753424669,784,19,190,7,18,257,128,219,0.211,0.726,0.063,-0.9861,0,0,1,1,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,4,16,16,3,0,9,0,15,13,4,1,3,35,35,17,1,4,7,0,2,1,0,2,6,0,1,0,17,13,1,0,6,1,1,2,5,10,0,0,8,5,32,6,22,22,8,28,0,4,2,3,15,14,1,6,14,129,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152775504721207,0.13260985245022786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259837041711468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072830393694645,0.0,0.1126884623790956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546850616055987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669607572046095,0.09460825883356806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703924592311153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863156950632045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138611726835678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280682784673882,0.14176941417835548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651454611511786,0.0,0.21834074871092907,0.10794839946297098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707892615535998,0.06469877308358582,0.0,0.1169384133374764,0.0,0.11120812920059477,0.0,0.28912671210327096,0.11258753631144172,0.3585706472637173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114092622192921,0.0,0.0973515349337858,0.09819541647231793,0.10213843955539544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091521503490803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518947322984836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309478375660265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593783730932554,0.0,0.0,0.13252597607320202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151807554116056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644248808098633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485601230607216,0.2602242663885223,0.10513489454345816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654286167256024,0.0,0.08991150550617621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781108436005287,0.10511703696352194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276424866859807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nim1901,2019/02/20,"Just waiting to be alone Nothing original about why, I'm just done trying to cope w this. I don't believe in God but I hope what comes next is no worse than this. It's all I can think about anymore. ",0.9229069767441836,2.64170262790698,2.323430232558138,97.5516569767442,80.86046511627906,5.230232558139536,22.377906976744185,5.985473137389443,0.06681860465116296,155,5,37,1,4,50,36,43,0.251,0.664,0.085,-0.6692,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,10,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31403031150614497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006992014348239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416096991317382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611854021374367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102853424993533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011522961121964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32246336751576377,0.0,0.0,0.2909346473294578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428237077438346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058571923769737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27359654849973936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089931498485269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Theguy5566,2019/02/20,"slipknot song Hi.

​

I think this song fits suicide. Slipknot custer.

​

Lyrics excerpt: ""This planet isn't special Collections made of clay""",5.600535714285716,7.173771791666673,2.463809523809527,83.50500000000005,122.75,3.0380952380952384,36.76190476190477,5.288315135182226,2.7840904761904772,129,8,15,1,7,34,20,24,0.253,0.747,0.0,-0.7755,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970102183314497,0.5573807555359808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702042784028974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508761977212173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469608686261935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573807555359808,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatsThePoint138,2019/02/20,"I feel ready but I’m scared. So I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I thought I wasn’t ready but now everything feels so much worse and it literally feels like my heart  has this excruciating, restricting weight on it and Its so hard to breathe everyday! It just feels like a task and I’m barely making it through each day and I’m sat here thinking to myself about the suicide letters that I will write and thinking about the effects on other people around me but in actuality they will get over it, they will be fine and I can finally have some peace in my life. I finally won’t be in pain anymore and that feeling brings me a lot of comfort at the same time I’m terrified and I feel like a coward for being terrified but I am...",2.812195618950586,4.6651383907284805,4.1002649006622525,86.3539938869078,75.6887417218543,7.560061130922057,26.84717269485481,8.384062270229773,1.766959857361182,591,23,124,11,13,194,88,151,0.253,0.604,0.14300000000000002,-0.981,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,1,10,7,0,1,7,0,13,5,2,2,0,34,31,16,1,0,5,0,8,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,11,11,1,1,11,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,8,15,5,16,20,6,16,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,10,87,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.14791406435042753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503203792175009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493272659263728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977524957457227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362246661153358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598412955327441,0.3248528401283543,0.0,0.3320831543012362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791910011623784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578026118138015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961556177252885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706098537098747,0.22215375748534025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25772507520135624,0.0,0.0,0.10117662031596993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142410822621243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128510127189005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508211719329548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496607406575291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175171381129315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579702406097666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913669159484996,0.0,0.12033258516087535,0.08838384215024363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457592981132154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446654743081578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anti_bulli_akari,2019/02/20,"Just here to complain I guess Suicide is a constant thought for me, even though my life is decent, I wouldn't say I have many major problems mainly a lack of people in my life and a lack of motivation or interest. I'm fairly young and have no dreams or aspirations, I have not found anything I enjoy or am interested in, I also would say that I am not particularly good at many things, my school performance is below average and I don't really find myself good at sport or really enjoy them. Back to the suicide part, I have a pretty bad cutting addiction and eating disorder... I really don't know what to say I'm just stressed right now.",5.397142857142856,5.980038992063495,6.847738095238098,74.02017857142856,67.80952380952381,10.109523809523813,30.035714285714285,10.125756701596842,2.9886380952380964,507,18,95,12,8,174,76,126,0.276,0.625,0.099,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,1,1,5,0,13,4,0,1,0,23,19,10,2,5,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,4,1,0,5,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,3,16,6,11,15,5,10,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,5,4,71,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507004924015764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109044506256085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460568179404495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164325620256758,0.12642929767864972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363112675029154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354033202984032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494036706285225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001142061493824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383950519564311,0.0,0.0,0.16602411263614725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254007668141664,0.0,0.0,0.16680609898622295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321642101153996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139047169148776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070320391655975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397300370994025,0.0,0.10497549809185236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540484820377884,0.0,0.14488840146278836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29101040959679697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931177338443509,0.0,0.3612455632104873,0.0,0.1532450299856719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345099207624493,0.0,0.0,0.3312576040113953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005966580566744,0.0,0.14876929000007452,0.12021049253039875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756435760882742,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fleetfeathers,2019/02/20,"I'm tired I'm so tired. I want to sleep. Being awake makes us tired. Being awake makes us want to sleep. The longer we are awake the more we desire sleep. I would rather be asleep than tired at this point. I'd rather just be unconscious. I'm so done with aiming for something good in life and falling so short it's almost funny. It's just so much simpler without meds and food and sleep and showers and hydration and socializing, even though they can be so wonderful sometimes. 

​

At this point, the only thing keeping me from actively seeking out permanent unconsciousness is the idea that if I exist God must want me to exist. I guess I believe God has some kind of purpose for me. I don't think it's anything particularly special because I don't believe I can do much of anything incredible anymore. But killing myself isn't in the will of God, and even though life is one big tedium, not seeking death is the least I can do. It sucks but we're never told it won't suck. 

I almost hold out hope that my being will be entirely subsumed by God when I do die (hopefully by not-me causes). ",3.4811879160266272,5.3185477511520745,4.283095238095239,85.82718253968255,73.79262672811059,7.0342037890425,26.341269841269842,7.793537801064563,1.4717027137736818,870,31,172,12,18,279,117,217,0.086,0.768,0.146,0.8,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,4,0,1,0,14,8,3,0,6,0,27,12,5,3,2,42,44,18,3,11,9,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,10,12,1,2,3,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,2,0,21,5,20,30,5,13,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,8,2,116,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713581526225435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665371226550877,0.11960866101071208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762054881903398,0.0,0.0,0.16200637111593658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000474217148433,0.0,0.0,0.22180389008032345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111932059164293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021594439905646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073264338832692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300300844287026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902735759170888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256216722779235,0.0,0.0,0.10843667153729734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553528765161654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112054050665048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749308394820145,0.10890316202947144,0.10250435794644004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905436113755595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141155250292366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933851098273374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472132991330186,0.0,0.0759187352196348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670174759443746,0.07486385367424657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861047909444071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940222517994637,0.10034155086132868,0.0,0.0757796677354304,0.09735421249017966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539549113454404,0.06307283680954237,0.19342274332436024,0.0,0.0,0.4525437937130382,0.0,0.09405835893981493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680910641269484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741776106695255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488732101601917,0.10674798893217848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992502663893706,0.0,0.11960866101071208,0.0
suicidewatch,BeezyWeezyWoo,2019/02/20,"Sad Honestly so sick of this. I’ve got a good life, I’m on medication, I have a good job, I’m good at my studies, I have a strong 5 year relationship with my boyfriend.

But I’m suicidal. I’m depressed and lack the energy to even get out of bed some days. I don’t enjoy anything anymore, I’ve lost the spark that I used to have to keep me going. And I’m so close to the edge. I tried to get councilling, but the lady on the phone when she assessed me said that the NHS doesn’t do councilling. I told her what else do you do, and she said that they do CBT. I’ve been on CBT as a child and it helped a lot. I asked her if I could apply for that and she said well no because CBT doesn’t work on autistic people. So I can’t get help and I’m on the “best meds for me”. I don’t know what else to do.",-0.5730000000000004,1.035966366666667,1.814444444444444,99.865,85.33333333333334,5.1111111111111125,17.777777777777782,6.139981653823899,-0.5815555555555556,606,14,161,5,18,206,93,180,0.08800000000000001,0.76,0.152,0.8764,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,4,6,11,0,0,12,0,15,3,0,1,0,19,35,14,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,8,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,7,3,22,8,19,27,4,12,0,3,0,0,17,8,0,3,3,96,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273024057519488,0.0,0.0,0.12673188347424488,0.0,0.14397262547313444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938791967303143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616173312994303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295938457535932,0.0,0.0,0.0993196150102032,0.0,0.13264311963617206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573005795327526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171795957439064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413816554058917,0.0,0.08752382433651949,0.3875128694416301,0.1231707888500561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645080309491784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282486126348913,0.13688552176495294,0.0,0.0,0.08463637948877384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877733369917307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681131781656913,0.13092839754218968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106333951761696,0.15514247718797522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676674129368033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534228778115212,0.0,0.0,0.4394782180448421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845499927089208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715708898150529,0.0,0.10455837051061832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300970874841733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846777806805324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211649268892326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917330255457377
suicidewatch,luckjes112,2019/02/20,"Why do I go on at all? My life's shit. It's always been shit.  
I see no reason to keep going. Why do I go on? What do I have to live for?",-5.325333333333333,-4.409326342857142,-0.5035714285714263,109.06273809523813,112.42857142857143,2.333333333333333,5.833333333333332,3.1291,-2.889380952380953,98,0,32,0,6,38,24,35,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.8732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,6,9,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21605788721600072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427122165218998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23079770264347416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834055084405539,0.0,0.0,0.2292845014149877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26697368465430354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691536942012967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330744339920263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686054518216556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,digilyn,2019/02/20,Would stabbing myself in the jugular be an effective way to kill myself? Asking for a friend. Title.,2.503333333333334,5.400653777777784,3.7944444444444434,78.54500000000002,94.55555555555556,4.622222222222223,22.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.3665333333333334,80,3,11,1,3,26,17,18,0.188,0.56,0.252,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777207823119152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39480126805370735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653514248537236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056120583210589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630033573548526,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shrect,2019/02/20,"Suicidal thoughts I am thinking about swallowing a container of doxycycline but realistically cannot go through with it. As shitty as my life is , things such as my dad and blind optimism hold me back from committing. Anyone in a similar position??",7.753178294573648,9.619852069767443,8.386046511627908,60.468062015503904,63.1860465116279,14.105426356589149,42.24031007751938,13.023866798666859,6.833626356589148,201,12,31,9,3,67,39,43,0.223,0.657,0.12,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,8,6,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,9,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32669873062987714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592717455106702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655381054400538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300190242400869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110748038878156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104074693863687,0.29938271463990224,0.0,0.3709291690289341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l_need_heIp,2019/02/20,"An online close friend told me he's going to kill himself tomorrow afternoon, I don't know what to do, I need advice He private messaged me in game and told me he was going to kill himself. Ordered a bunch of pills online and it will arrive tomorrow afternoon and he's just going to end it. Apparently his girlfriend cheated on him and he is feeling really sad, doesn't want to live anymore. I'm not from his state, I have his number and I know where he lives, but I don't know what to do or say to stop it if he does do it and if he does, I won't be able to forgive myself without trying everything I can. ",5.228169642857143,4.446837531250001,6.66017857142857,79.88125000000002,68.21875,9.501785714285717,31.566964285714285,8.841846274778883,2.4084651785714284,476,17,100,7,7,164,73,128,0.114,0.836,0.049,-0.8418,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,0,22,25,10,2,4,7,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,5,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,3,2,17,2,13,19,1,15,0,1,0,0,22,4,0,3,6,65,23,0,0.183282752583232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791017845894708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817672410177972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207839438125205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233411758562089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472271988169915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267326673661604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160379999327952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124914361372246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055504202687199,0.0,0.3021822226850128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236840568533653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359018386731412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741562452792198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145753801285214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532325880179761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502690490061722,0.0,0.12443695800816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081049161659657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667803302995738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hichazz,2019/02/20,"Scared I’ve honestly finally gotten to a point where I’m actually scared I could take my own life. I’ve been suicidal for years but my fear of death combined with the guilt I would feel for tearing a hole in the lives of my loved ones was always enough to keep the action of actually attempting suicide far enough away. But these last few months my entire life has changed in so many terrible ways. My friendships have begun to fade away and these people who I used to feel so close to are now practically strangers, my 4 year relationship ended (mutually) but has still left me feeling emptier and more heartbroken than I ever have before, and I’m currently living in purgatory (a mostly empty house with no tv or WiFi or friends) while I’m awaiting the move to a new house. With all of these things combined I don’t know if I’m just going crazy or if whatever gate that was keeping my mind away from attempting suicide has just vanished because I’m just truly for the first time in my life, alone. I don’t want to die, I know I don’t but the pain I feel inside my chest has gotten to a completely unbearable point and I really think my body is ready to get past that fear of dying I’ve had for so long just because the pain has actually gotten to the point where I think being dead and putting an end to it is without a doubt the better option. I’ve never actually felt like suicide was going to be the way I died but feeling this alone and living in this cold house and not having a friend to call has now made that possibility seem incredibly real. I’m just scared that I’m days away from my breaking point, the pain feels like it’s growing exponentially and unless it stops I’m not sure how long I physically will be able to try and push the idea of ending it all away. I’m just so fucking terrified and sad that this is the hand I’ve been dealt.",8.216432739315566,6.165190286863277,8.310222362403405,74.56202491720549,63.02144772117962,11.5646743415865,34.54171266361773,10.194018383442646,3.137854250118279,1479,47,301,26,17,485,187,373,0.285,0.645,0.07,-0.9987,1,2,0,1,0,4,18.0,0,0,0,4,18,21,1,7,21,0,28,11,3,3,5,66,63,27,9,5,20,0,8,2,2,2,6,0,1,0,17,14,0,3,13,1,0,7,8,13,0,2,11,9,25,8,42,46,8,54,0,1,0,2,6,19,1,9,27,185,42,0,0.06883053508616406,0.0,0.2686746932801706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257535229198892,0.0,0.0,0.057272519090891275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233427673805657,0.0,0.0,0.08391691065319294,0.0,0.0585697157498708,0.0,0.0,0.06087501482960825,0.0,0.07645520774732674,0.0,0.0,0.07028367203814563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281357951790725,0.0,0.07216750648211173,0.0,0.0,0.05495558147468757,0.0,0.0,0.04439000092248042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143056854382284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289027230346375,0.14224068461163372,0.0,0.0,0.062261159607937086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549069759995242,0.2088167199944485,0.04917254801854681,0.0660881077520207,0.07540048677691741,0.0,0.05854721798219601,0.0,0.0,0.1063566013320915,0.06363272056669263,0.03596111370695045,0.0,0.07823595857954113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382635883746832,0.0,0.07770129603075361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235948431326975,0.0,0.0,0.07565492401870691,0.05610607278436502,0.0,0.0,0.07478457776654485,0.0,0.14585112747633594,0.06725424535695801,0.0,0.18233587054482964,0.12182571516126263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212224523877255,0.06512911655124234,0.0,0.06978335919770191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694992190570969,0.0,0.05493987642416714,0.07315596585547983,0.0,0.0,0.05308635192634069,0.06647695969642929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046641351922634,0.0,0.2197216267356985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570653407712886,0.04771842645614178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602684146059825,0.07759608633171314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919369888295128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834421784990392,0.04409460328277707,0.0,0.0,0.07389823557387296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067341196155406,0.0,0.0,0.06266073404833666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496815423183743,0.057545409359374425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011577349454342,0.0,0.06487196474278642,0.0,0.05175199631901215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572794905922562,0.08820765525603888,0.0,0.0,0.04013563852924287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673141516852019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944748268944197,0.0,0.0,0.040598032931490766,0.10926894990740853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663501795996897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889523728068262,0.0,0.0,0.08864921579550435
suicidewatch,littleblue22,2019/02/20,"Wish I could just disappear I need to get this out at least somewhere

I’m 20 this year I never planned to get this far I wanted to end it by 15 but someone came into my life at the time and if anything just postponed it (we no longer speak) I’ve been like this since I was 14 the depression has come and gone (now back) and my anxiety has tripled since then to the point where I’m finding it difficult to leave the house some days I’m so tired of medication and therapy I thought things would’ve been better by now I thought I would’ve been happy but that isn’t the case I’m really starting to consider suicide again I don’t see a point to living I’m not someone people miss now so why would anyone miss me when I’m gone I don’t have any friends I don’t have a social life I really do see myself as just a waste I don’t want to be here anymore I feel stuck like I’m in limbo and everything I do doesn’t change it 

Sorry if some of this doesn’t make sense ",1.4577565124933545,2.9760190526315777,3.1096251993620427,93.4487652844232,78.56937799043062,6.5583200425305685,22.137426900584803,7.3871296695380915,0.5725021796916536,758,22,178,10,18,251,114,209,0.172,0.7070000000000001,0.121,-0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,2,13,9,0,0,8,0,20,4,0,1,1,32,47,14,1,8,8,0,1,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,11,10,0,0,4,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,10,4,20,5,18,34,4,27,0,3,2,0,4,9,0,4,15,107,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080930732788534,0.0,0.10215495368706072,0.0,0.1324321917457625,0.0933717312531248,0.0,0.10988905032399092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268122194410363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810206308694172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273002701736285,0.0,0.0,0.1412637678344738,0.1150297542927007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661792146531596,0.0,0.0,0.08611990820947323,0.0,0.11501467546477892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827358365896724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001387434890315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751999844112758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204981835554155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316986431456296,0.0,0.13953447835972474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215194359542618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540830362249131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139572936057085,0.0,0.0,0.1886413674173354,0.13047824547138967,0.0,0.11791505675671793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913656053571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345238389561432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901552258253686,0.1029914769106698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257730166484976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25247005530406585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109362957110325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282238771867548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092532203842946,0.0,0.0,0.1361235074427659,0.2262898573724977,0.0,0.0,0.14948302778622466,0.0945177264245183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606710943397988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271047113802272,0.0,0.08871562725274948,0.0,0.0,0.212025915238418,0.07786612827747272,0.1534804075253122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752641571919976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049579912086912,0.0,0.15356022948007333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845812069600768,0.0,0.0,0.08599304087065585
suicidewatch,Seriousfilms,2019/02/20,"Every day I go to sleep hoping I won't wake up in the morning I couldn't finish school, I can't keep anyone close to me, I can't find a job that would want a screwup like me. My own family can't stand me anymore, I'm stuck living with manipulative, stupid people I hesitate to even acknowledge as my blood relatives and I know that if I stay here I'll just end up a subservient little boy with no marketable skills, stuck walking my mother's dogs until I finally gather the nerve to off myself. There are people who care about me and tell me I need to quit the negative self-talk, but at this point I believe it and that's because it's undeniably true.

I have a host of health problems that stress me out to no end because honestly I do fear the uncertainty of death, but at this point even that isn't stopping the suicidal thoughts anymore. In fact, I hope there is something deathly wrong with me because then I don't have to do any work myself. I can just die and be done with it. Stop being a useless dependent endlessly searching for some semblance of content or pride in my life and just stop existing. If not, though, I'll definitely be hanging from the rafters within a year. Because at this point nothing in my life is making it worth living.",8.698276363636364,6.322682064000003,8.519236363636363,74.46361818181819,62.36,11.490909090909092,37.92727272727272,9.800150414767053,3.4806800000000013,996,38,197,15,11,323,145,250,0.206,0.684,0.11,-0.977,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,10,13,1,2,12,0,20,6,3,3,2,41,33,14,4,9,9,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,13,11,0,4,4,0,1,3,11,6,0,0,4,0,30,7,31,23,2,33,0,1,0,0,5,17,0,7,12,132,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966559711271685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323614163089701,0.08191357188608492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856527041671809,0.0,0.0,0.13198723697365164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944160273978892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555165998599428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158256321109764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988449137715915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751916168309165,0.0,0.0,0.15475212414876935,0.0,0.09870340710653254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043801150075312,0.1318256244307447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833142197262667,0.10707241298169333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657869360717211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452431511593147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271153935703254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162526853774023,0.10412775357947883,0.0,0.0,0.06438223673062482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654921463193083,0.057233270694192186,0.11741445720139465,0.2068901014999645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781981222917132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686478249948336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240799174765376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624332622554785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33223209658878416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209613738621926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460278816159333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856142908334202,0.0,0.0,0.1222123549551164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723398607281947,0.0,0.0,0.0901873178108712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486565419330085,0.0,0.2938263873389016,0.1341942214922453,0.0,0.0,0.1281424100017694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416023586462692,0.10239372360213124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150986732018136,0.09300352374591887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690977408515178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528614547675754,0.0,0.0,0.08321955992782676,0.1280844590066971,0.0,0.0754403612370181
suicidewatch,SleepIsFantastic,2019/02/20,"I dont know how to do this anymore. I can barely function day to day. I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone that was my supposed support system. I now feel extreme guilt anytime I try to tell them how I am feeling and I dont want to be a burden on any of them anymore. My friends dont deserve to have an awful friend like me around. I can't escape this feeling of drowning in anxiety, but also feeling so empty inside like im never going to feel love or anything good again for that matter.  I've been trying to tell my friends i've been suicidal for over a month and have also been self harming again more and more frequently.  I feel as if I get brushed aside and they wouldn't care if I died. 

The only reason i'm still alive right now is for my little sister and my mom.  My brother died last year from cancer and my dad has become more and more of a narcissist, so the only reason I am here right now is for them.  Once they dont need me anymore im gone.  

Im sorry this is so long and if it violated any rules im sorry.  I've never made an actual post so I don't know what i'm doing.  I just really needed to vent to people who would understand.  ",1.727308656256028,3.2510669554655887,3.902406015037595,88.03350877192983,77.82591093117409,6.324195103142473,22.693078850973592,7.07126945348624,0.7376633506844037,906,27,193,10,21,312,129,247,0.158,0.6809999999999999,0.161,-0.036000000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,5,1,17,15,1,1,7,1,24,2,0,5,2,39,47,23,4,8,6,4,7,3,3,2,1,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,12,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,6,8,28,10,22,38,4,26,0,1,0,1,17,7,0,4,18,125,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.08532403565157952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984362054556312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891771961592346,0.0,0.06688760490195463,0.0,0.2601363457593868,0.0,0.0,0.07195162951802223,0.07783576784881809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656518801637357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914590199449733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277680007871155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148763940934107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098930994713249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354797590852256,0.07858102148226065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30946866216414753,0.062463646114051787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265640205370167,0.0,0.04568122602902109,0.0,0.049691376866039534,0.0733364055704689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777796066499513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610407821265557,0.07127126855272893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814910608435814,0.08763293069011882,0.0,0.07737730365888479,0.0,0.09781750122462833,0.0,0.0,0.07891358285809047,0.08273319671055478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240292123401908,0.06978985504705865,0.0,0.0,0.1296640234197506,0.13487066397137873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931155177956745,0.0,0.13299665258241042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061648263888224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373864739488877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056013157869224665,0.17979567062815774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933817907683855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121386826230377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575285076712529,0.0,0.0,0.06982577620718508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563979770300776,0.09922030453160116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284424588596862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187253741007803,0.0,0.0,0.09102301276073077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157148173413288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621113796464479,0.0,0.0,0.05630533160138481
suicidewatch,AveryGamerDude,2019/02/20,How can I stay positive? I'm going through a rough time in my life for the first time in 4 years. I'd rather not explain it because people are probably going to think my reasoning is ridiculous. I just really need a reason to live right now because I don't wanna resort to suicide... but I just feel really empty right now. Can you help a guy out?,2.530610328638499,4.224488845070424,4.4813380281690165,84.01008215962445,76.04225352112677,7.550234741784037,24.509389671361504,8.344100000000001,1.6232516431924893,272,9,54,5,6,93,52,71,0.066,0.841,0.093,0.4254,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,3,0,14,12,2,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,7,0,9,12,0,14,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601435535582653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788910752890904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149716449624007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24253252559583696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112753770572624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430211575689998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071348669709367,0.0,0.0,0.188414551709378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582152933882686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792776487937995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300549709150114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733877284431972,0.438771280238424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644431692548084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274299842105595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23339825888622165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672245981612086,0.0,0.0,0.2488420403004909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740688162665662
suicidewatch,BadSkin123,2019/02/20,"I have hundreds of acne like lesions all over my body. Seriously I’m fucked. My face looks normal just a few zits. I’m good looking. Yet I have hundreds of zits, acne bumps, and lesions all over my body. It started to get really bad when I turned 24 and now I’m 25 it’s getting really bad. I took Doryx and it helped for a while until I couldn’t pay for my prescription and Dr visit that cost $300. I’ve tried everything showering twice a day, three times a day, sanitizing my clothes. Not eating dairy, nothing works. Ever since the 7th grade I recall getting really bad bacne and now It’s become unstoppable. I get pustules filled with puss in the hair folicles on my arms and all over my butt. Seriously want to fucking die. I can do everything normal and then just keep breaking out until I no longer feel like a normal person. It’s starting to make me feel weird and dislike myself. I don’t think I’ll make it to 30 tbh. At this point I can’t even join the military it’s so bad, I have bleeding lesions on like 30-60% of my body. It itches and is now starting to hurt daily. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I used to workout a lot and get into shape but I’ll still have fucked up skin, I don’t understand why I get acne this bad. Seriously my life is fucked. ",1.0139951113525214,3.2048556996197766,3.0587656165127655,89.86246673003805,83.25855513307984,5.8864204236827815,21.17992938620315,7.1686216300943375,0.6432803910917979,991,31,210,14,28,334,141,263,0.189,0.772,0.039,-0.989,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,11,19,5,0,10,0,14,21,9,3,4,36,45,17,1,5,4,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,1,1,12,13,1,1,5,1,2,3,7,15,0,2,1,6,27,4,25,43,5,33,0,1,2,6,3,12,6,1,20,121,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39803564520983903,0.0,0.10529846458942876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177125671040223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297624157873267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895061649195552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755933174550298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297292014387577,0.08624288404824243,0.0,0.0,0.171375649505243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641621562688088,0.06811280714693832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407137110893037,0.2988755923471899,0.0,0.0,0.07996889007008022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390616756044562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206627715506147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474492672705378,0.0,0.0,0.05239782619622264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734333226073061,0.1397388063584852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012762417997964,0.0,0.0,0.08105691027905508,0.0,0.0,0.12728391645837706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802466571405635,0.09148384265218164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324952314280504,0.0,0.0,0.09012962031075857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323682607342587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886842409241171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245205202695885,0.0,0.0761407622603599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109171939871901,0.0,0.0,0.055595065072292685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059291906072096,0.06473139988345454,0.10370542324972587,0.0,0.0992550595395079,0.0,0.0823454363656256,0.0,0.0,0.056235564334894565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603191068125432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941058364179534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,123gonethere,2019/02/20,"When is it just logical to commit suicide? I'm trying to figure out if suicide may just be logical in my case. I'm 26, female, single, and have no family of my own, since I know all of that matters.

I had a teaching job but lost it in December. I can't live with my family. They wouldn't kick me out but the depression from being around them is unbearable. I have one friend but I don't want to put this off on them. I don't resonate with people. I've felt this way since I was a child. I don't know if I'm inherently defective or if it's a reflection of my lack of commection to my family.

I know what I want to do but am in service industry in a transition period. I think I may be able to fall back on my aunt and uncle for a couple months. They may be a better support network than my immediate family.

I can envision a life that I may enjoy, but I see no reason to care or work toward it since I don't connect to people and people don't care about me. I'm even about to turn to connecting with spirits or anything for energy or help to get out of the situation. I'm at a loss. People forget about me. My mom and dad didn't want me, and it's strange but it comes up often in conversation. I feel like an intruder in life. 

But I'd rather know I'm making a more logical decision. Am I missing something?",1.2773928571428568,2.913933382142858,4.202285714285715,84.88271428571429,79.46428571428572,8.051428571428572,22.985714285714288,8.841846274778883,1.6496042857142856,1017,33,223,25,25,366,139,280,0.138,0.733,0.129,0.4698,2,0,1,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,4,4,11,12,0,0,12,0,26,2,0,2,2,59,52,20,2,9,17,3,2,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,14,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,5,3,34,7,42,38,5,24,1,4,1,0,11,16,0,12,5,159,45,4,0.11774065309058565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968905253397429,0.10481414371866683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905352945298765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041320395659386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400888856580687,0.0,0.0,0.1014231471676308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027779318171998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014098519798524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776659092778596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44398163633609744,0.0,0.05953321191339131,0.08411394609360927,0.11304949116701055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096613650946836,0.0,0.0615146316735851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891907790017004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683943051159655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588287350179777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166327410565334,0.057522135789951676,0.0,0.10396715378774853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852783137495055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859280020912078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789642988145556,0.09397946598555214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797841136862331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265061756889113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183618765426343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105700105520302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382405657945278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921888548046091,0.13234542721380071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064250703699334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25757832879963033,0.1336106978373318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544345634124608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993817474905679,0.1280680204829068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083394632438801,0.09345705004701392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571659773435672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustCallMeJohnSmith,2019/02/20,"I'm tired. Throwaway account. But it doesnt really matter.

I've sold and given away everything I own. Tonight I transferred all my life savings to my brother with the exception of travel funds and rent money for my girlfriend. Sebt him a text that I plan on going on a spirit quest or journey or some bullshit.

I'm gonna ghost out. My girlfriend doesnt really care what's going on with me and she doesn't dignify anything I say with a response anymore so I'm just leaving her with rent money for the remainder of the lease, my car and a goodbye note. I'm gonna leave behind work without saying a word. I already left a family thats used to not having me around about 7 years ago. I'm just leaving everything. 

I'm gonna fly around the world and visit some places and make a point to talk to people and try to learn some things. I'm gonna catch up on sleep, too. I'm going to try foods Ive never eaten before but for the most part, my plan is to starve myself to death. So it'll probably be a few months or so. I've saved up quite a bit for this.

I'm not sad. Really. I'm just tired. I'm just done.  I'm going out on my own terms.",0.8055864197530873,2.715464584362145,2.878091563786011,92.46182870370373,82.16872427983539,5.696090534979423,20.001543209876548,6.816661863887847,0.244196296296296,886,24,197,10,24,299,130,243,0.111,0.8490000000000001,0.039,-0.9199,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,4,11,4,0,0,14,0,9,6,1,2,2,41,35,15,2,0,13,1,0,0,2,5,3,2,2,0,7,15,2,0,1,1,7,9,7,1,0,0,4,2,19,3,34,25,11,31,1,1,0,0,10,16,0,7,6,113,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145259245968782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425728234767031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812935594936112,0.0,0.0,0.1063186605786158,0.2300266064362484,0.0,0.0,0.12138544850596085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993768737676766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105037585793956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317256184413936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322140561240774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322290407280003,0.0,0.12179604953951535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622631559725828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370401566131243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41040498155630223,0.14037362868915942,0.0,0.0912561235828198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624043702990462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312433450475912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996451952571408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990846865480905,0.0,0.08956938552084685,0.0,0.13498404971771322,0.0,0.12213354304635912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929692237069807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741760788211646,0.0,0.0,0.24830197561861475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054863195510251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292909586238123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384418006242667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583318023128689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969873941951575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543345210727074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158529085506268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454192766402772,0.0,0.0940574305745322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319905302206687
suicidewatch,aethetic,2019/02/20,"Well. It looks like this is my last time on Reddit for food. After a long night of bawling, pain, and misery. Suicide seems like the only way out. My boyfriend went to bed instead of trying to help me. It just proves to me no ones ever gonna care about me no matter what I do. 

I love you all and I hope you all get better.
- Hugs and kisses from some depressed girl.",0.1448538011695888,2.3580481052631583,1.5217543859649147,99.19283625730995,87.68421052631578,3.3777777777777787,15.023391812865498,3.1291,-1.3204573099415202,280,5,63,0,9,89,61,76,0.185,0.52,0.295,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,1,5,11,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,4,13,10,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,1,1,10,9,11,8,3,10,0,1,1,3,5,2,0,3,8,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479849834759767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23609372993018726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994447193169094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946182976342906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28000668358233954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209820171166283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552116784834265,0.0,0.0,0.22999413129230786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875460624660556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262597963246284,0.0,0.0,0.2049258106547004,0.1944544499326306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899448771376494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173060219955156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691296111210745,0.17611396078727626,0.2463991690510773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080609630038133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532921431527547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350261437145973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721595598718766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838037897788891,0.0,0.0,0.2082027865973673,0.2146610559663766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway235773,2019/02/20,"This has all been a waste of time I’m a 19 year old male. So let me start off by saying for the longest time I have always had the saying “I always fall short” stuck in my head. But so far this is the biggest fall I have ever had. I’m in my 2nd semester and I’m about to mess everything up.

So many horrible memories from the past sometimes I felt like a freak I still kinda do even now. High school came a long and spawned another problem, depression this was huge drainer I still battle with it and I have only told my parents about it but they didn’t do anything to help other than tell me to exercise which I can’t bring myself to do. I also got shutout from the only sport I like when I started college.

So here I am just scraping by and hating pretty much everything in the process while also being quite addicted to porn. I have an interest in going out, buying a rope and just ending it. I’m most definitely never going to feel happiness again. Maybe I should be a piece of shit to a select few so my death is easier to get over.",2.060173806609548,3.8458955069767455,3.861297429620567,87.53365973072216,77.65116279069767,6.944920440636476,22.9436964504284,7.85451343220497,1.1095581395348844,814,25,170,13,19,274,134,215,0.133,0.731,0.135,0.5397,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,19,11,3,0,14,0,21,6,2,0,3,21,38,16,1,2,4,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,8,8,0,0,2,2,1,6,3,7,0,0,10,4,22,4,27,24,5,36,0,1,0,1,8,13,1,2,19,123,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513060906256446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198723437562565,0.2309756727226563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553774904904918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421574458107912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874351178980045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119543182484788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293040464043653,0.0,0.0,0.09167221516453007,0.1255472384767435,0.0,0.0,0.2494784326264659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017848341877099,0.0,0.13326413251323274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725142054353939,0.0,0.15775980741595635,0.0,0.11100634641800314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774893434359335,0.0,0.13703047067796478,0.14244282150456902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303078100168782,0.14664362074810006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192640352479113,0.0,0.13561560423180802,0.0,0.0,0.12282843919277935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071546521252493,0.13943736075855728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202965685209256,0.0,0.10704659095856267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564109381168094,0.0,0.0,0.21111838332565186,0.0,0.0,0.15411445836948426,0.0,0.13249470384438436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120352959997906,0.0,0.13280723973395536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476246438526289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074932905490752,0.0,0.14046707141407258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247018193724034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727094547057164,0.0,0.19647840194921126,0.0,0.2216823461505576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131218893678294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618639490037659,0.0,0.0,0.13262374098482074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937887044136958
suicidewatch,deepwebnoxious,2019/02/20,"Don’t know what to do I have no friend who care. My family is far away. My boyfriend abuses me. The only people (or things) that care are my animals. My German Shepard’s love me to death and I can’t imagine leaving them with an abusive motherfucker. I was adopted. From the first time I learned that, as anyone would, would feel alone. My own parents didn’t want me as a kid why would anyone want me. That’s how I felt and feel my entire life. Now... I’m going to college and failing miserably... my boyfriend abuses me on average once a day. I don’t understand life. Why are we here? What’s the purpose? What’s it worth going through all this pain. For what? To get money? Something I can print when I chop down a tree? Why does money mean so much to everyone around me. I feel worthless. I feel hopeless. I’m constantly under pressure. I don’t feel alive anymore. I feel sick. I’m having severe problems with my stomach. I don’t eat anymore. My mind is racing. I don’t want to live. I want to die. I say this to myself hundreds of times of day. My boyfriend hurts me and doesn’t do anything. Doesn’t check on me and yells at me when it’s his fault. Just hops on his computer no problem. The thing is... I put him on two of my credit cards and gave him a phone. He has a shitty credit score and I guess just uses me. I don’t want to live. I want to find out what’s on the other end of this... whatever this is. I feel like I’m trapped. He shows a completely different side to my adopted parents that even if I did want to tell them the truth they won’t listen. I don’t feel alive. Because anyone who is alive doesn’t feel this fucking neglected. I want to die. Please. Just send me to a better place. Even if it means cutting off my oxygen supply. Send me off to space. I want to see what’s out there. Alone. Everyone thinks I’m annoying. I’m hiding through the pain. Please. Someone. Help me. ",-0.5051363301400151,1.7201490485933562,1.3597936624907911,97.11717022844508,96.8772378516624,4.185374311847068,18.647579002124054,6.009577979403852,-0.15850586501365527,1462,47,322,15,59,476,184,391,0.213,0.657,0.13,-0.9923,3,3,1,0,2,4,68.0,1,0,3,3,13,24,3,2,15,0,31,9,1,2,2,58,73,16,3,16,6,2,10,1,1,4,5,3,0,1,23,13,1,1,18,1,6,5,15,15,0,2,5,14,60,9,42,64,3,33,0,6,1,2,25,18,1,4,11,200,83,6,0.0,0.2744113620913211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599137197847138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312511587530206,0.16194201325754826,0.0,0.06352977075464894,0.06872517719294885,0.0,0.0,0.07253279597923183,0.0,0.0,0.0470609580115608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827793098077617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742294525819628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094368503124769,0.08342675728024257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957640019325524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024471167244184,0.0806585192799661,0.0,0.0,0.06755903634255404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899580387043464,0.0,0.0,0.06837709156673412,0.0,0.0,0.10198094554011658,0.0,0.0,0.1475375552169779,0.0,0.0,0.07277814697774304,0.0,0.35131589623396176,0.05515234532848571,0.07412498004925099,0.0,0.07056023287045637,0.06566705436859377,0.0,0.0,0.05964523134350426,0.07137099703602022,0.040334288977959806,0.0,0.08775011217756035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504550576263106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174614245908668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264517056102444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242760100316825,0.0,0.0,0.08174461646068408,0.0,0.0,0.10905857127286868,0.037716464919965234,0.0,0.13633963533562818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967683514584963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818884581166693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795091131033807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675155149373973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221644928525088,0.0,0.0587147706472713,0.16429442201901182,0.0,0.17144494826175072,0.0,0.0,0.05352139029786352,0.0,0.0806585192799661,0.16948683174601656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774168878033286,0.0,0.07760823730160166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139326202590841,0.0,0.0,0.061519129810300416,0.0,0.0,0.08721505361679201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065412080278204,0.05943303199662596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674769978619498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025777080629041,0.04946722571161205,0.0,0.0,0.09003294258044821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541407106421462,0.08036886965344245,0.0,0.06667679887079754,0.0,0.0,0.4098158708280185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089854395631935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452393378549293,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MooingBee,2019/02/20,"I don't want to kill myself, but if someone put a gun to my head i wouldn't beg for my life anyone else feel this way?",7.877500000000001,2.2520231785714344,8.394285714285715,84.75071428571431,67.21428571428572,11.2,31.57142857142857,3.1291,1.3501714285714281,91,1,25,0,1,31,24,28,0.158,0.752,0.08900000000000001,-0.2124,0,0,0,1,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,4,2,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476018184914352,0.36282735571717023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958133148970705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904856399460378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363418834367558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917700483295482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501182370101983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35597817328411663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000361000038909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886314556369734,0.28107589139375305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JetpackKiwi,2019/02/20,"Workplace Blues The repetition of my menial and highly stressful job has me feeling trapped, depressed and suicidal. Suicide kept intruding my already heavy thoughts today. 

Yesterday a co-worker said I looked sad. I told them I wasn't sad, I was depressed as fuck. Perhaps a bit much, but I really can't stand being there anymore. ",4.019200968523002,7.197999491525426,4.497142857142858,77.83254237288135,79.5084745762712,6.761259079903147,33.85230024213075,7.957251820313856,3.254596125907991,266,15,40,5,7,84,48,59,0.339,0.64,0.021,-0.9468,1,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,12,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,4,9,0,2,5,2,5,0,4,2,1,3,1,1,0,3,24,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965543743462026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537692878248926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370963042060797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741009982538696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098090253128642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007726303799848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294548453919864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155103608596428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237034323058324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596468978259161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912637095826133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658093754676302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487705553225376,0.0,0.0,0.475103296431443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241083849919756,0.0,0.0,0.20585429417484696,0.2075177892344367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581042874696192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reeve27,2019/02/20,"I'm just so tired. I don't know what reason exactly for my post here but this past week has been the lowest I have ever felt. Maybe this shouldn't be on this sub but here goes.

​

I have chronic depression. If you don't know, it's depression that comes and goes when it wants to. In the past year I feel I have made incredible progress towards understanding my ""condition"", what triggers I have, the difference between when I'm just sad or when I'm actually depressed, etc.. 

​

Unfortunately, it seems as though the progress I've made has made my depression worse in certain ways. Now that I am able to notice when I am actually depressed, it feels like there are two of me. It's hard to explain this to people around me, since they don't understand how it feels. When I am depressed, I don't want to live. I don't want to feel sad or empty or alone anymore and ALMOST every fibre of my being tells me to just disappear. But in the last year, considering my progress, there is a part of me that knows I won't end it. 

Between the part that knows I won't do it, and the rest of me SCREAMING to just go, my mind is being torn in two. 

I have 2 boys, a 2 Y/O and a 1 Y/O. I've survived this long because of them but they deserve better than I can offer.

​

I'm so tired of fighting with myself to live, I'm so tired of feeling alone and empty. I'm so tired of being miserable. I have never been so absolute on not being here than I am now.

​

My apologies if this doesn't belong here but I don't know where else to go right now.

Also, apologies if any of that doesn't make sense. I've never said this to anyone before.",3.8315984654731423,4.506549970588238,4.925217391304347,86.08065217391304,71.3529411764706,7.795396419437339,27.13554987212277,7.893859768569023,1.4357109974424556,1290,42,278,16,23,425,149,340,0.253,0.675,0.07200000000000001,-0.997,1,2,0,0,3,0,57.0,0,1,3,5,29,14,1,1,10,0,35,5,0,7,5,57,67,30,0,7,16,0,7,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,22,8,0,0,16,0,0,4,14,11,0,2,7,9,35,3,35,52,4,35,0,9,0,0,12,10,0,8,20,190,57,0,0.07023607707112753,0.0,0.13708055909099626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033128560642146,0.14548678750626534,0.0,0.056167765458184964,0.0,0.3044030406489745,0.34137808545261256,0.04776294090607558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965531545765423,0.04911069815826578,0.0,0.0,0.06252499950636976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04281526067486115,0.0,0.05976572845601591,0.0,0.0,0.06211810249515056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050216126949285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629653815805814,0.0,0.0,0.07338175155235281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867322989636516,0.0,0.06220831711286867,0.0,0.07833179200280163,0.0,0.0635325528021338,0.059176924189589614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756735462575138,0.05017666749344528,0.06743764847600275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983356238110609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291772928424465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299955563095456,0.057251777097300005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03431379949566417,0.0,0.12403948567677768,0.0621567180074971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937722308599465,0.046883126837054284,0.0,0.07056157978834582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091841578692963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834078510811873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799642392670631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211765402457167,0.13409656588433425,0.04869285229427507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726674678920118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221438503123656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998122605533771,0.06681059319445383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394028668298225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810000875283047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138942714057623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900658911434156,0.0,0.0,0.3229041537957337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722088319467107,0.14623646647867947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428117403167802,0.055750128758774005,0.056339144451598835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157656297141332,0.0,0.0,0.34137808545261256,0.09045946170712904
suicidewatch,cosfmc,2019/02/20,My Weird Happiness Whenever I create my plans on how I will remove myself from this hell hole of a planet I weirdly feel the happiest I have in awhile. Whenever I am playing with my knives or think of any other way I could end it all right now I get overwhelmed by an intense happiness I haven't felt in forever ,5.060714285714287,5.5600496349206345,6.285833333333333,78.04875,68.52380952380952,10.109523809523813,31.62301587301588,10.125756701596842,3.1685587301587312,249,10,48,6,4,84,49,63,0.134,0.613,0.254,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,8,9,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,12,3,8,6,1,8,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190511292454289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571848280975295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853007342832664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287242288695275,0.0,0.30928357366800263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168293239717201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6858007110786261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750868152525289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640006024101007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556820921936591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lotuscakes,2019/02/20,"i feel horrible for thinking this but to be completely honest the thinking about everyone’s reactions to me finally killing myself brings me satisfaction (this is excluding my parents, specifically my mom) i talk about being depressed and suicidal and no one listens to me. part of me just wants to prove that i’m not being dramatic when i say i hate my life and want it to end. i hate living like this it’s horrible and no one deserves it. i’m always calling out for help and no one listens. it’s horrible but thinking about the reactions of everyone i’ve ever asked for helped who ignored me and brushed me off knowing i actually killed myself brings me satisfaction. i just want to prove i’m not a liar and that i’m not dramatic. that i really was just suffering horribly. idk how to put it into words. i’ve just realized my friends aren’t really my friends. they don’t listen when i talk i feel completely alone.  ",3.6340168539325854,5.8848909831460725,5.255491573033712,77.19818117977529,74.56179775280899,9.618539325842695,31.3497191011236,9.978442167317967,3.6468415730337087,737,36,134,23,16,249,89,178,0.3,0.5529999999999999,0.146,-0.9911,2,1,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,1,0,11,12,5,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,3,34,28,12,3,3,9,2,2,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,12,9,0,1,9,0,0,3,8,8,0,3,1,7,25,4,18,24,1,11,0,2,0,0,16,3,0,0,6,92,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.1329806520752747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113546077731778,0.0,0.0,0.11338822933737686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739481100850986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914773176096762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857547007043294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173698479283654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069548926603554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326474819855758,0.0,0.26042519510571216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780523080440174,0.0,0.0,0.1492780101612589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105649776684108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690784228882592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826789013286412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015269194447833,0.0,0.07489087271961188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625210225260238,0.06657503386872846,0.0,0.12032962075555913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959872427647834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770218802502455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513126065946131,0.14756800642256238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698980108051992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745971390444167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836801665691048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490581471653338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905862851242305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619504956891629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24112816103182594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the-1-the-only-,2019/02/20,"My story, male(19) So I don’t know if this is the right subreddit, but I have been struggling for years. I was in a car accident in 2014, and ever since then I have been trying to kill myself. I have wanted to more times than I can count, and I have attempted several times. After the wreck I was broken in every way imaginable. I was told I might never walk again, and that my dreams were over. I was in pain, and the only thing that helped was the Percocet. I became an addict because it helped. It helped release me from my body of pain and take me somewhere else for a bit. I wanted more. I wanted to be released forever. I decided to eat the rest of my supply, about 20 Percocet 10s, and end it. I had them in my mouth, and my dad walked in. To this day he does not know what I was spitting up, and he does not know what I was doing. He can’t know. That was just my first attempt, I’m at 5 now. I always get stopped by someone or something. I don’t want to live in a world that only showed genuine care for me when I was dying. That was the first time that people saw me. Before my wreck I was just a name and a face, but after suddenly I was a person that everyone liked. Everyone cared, but it felt like emptiness.

I broke from that addiction after a year, but I just moved it. Then it went to food, I got to 240 lbs, and soon it became a sex addiction, and then it moved to exercise and alcohol. I am not proud of this. I finally told someone, but only during a breakdown when I was drunk. Then I finally told someone sober, but I can’t tell the vast majority of my family and friends because I know what they will see in me. They will see the monster that I see every morning. They will see the person that is hurting and praying to God every second of every day to try to live without feeling alone. I feel alone, all the time, even in a group of friends, I feel alone. 

I want you all to know that I am starting therapy for the first time this week. I hope it helps, because I am not doing well. My nightmares are killing me, and I want a drink, but I can’t. I need someone who understands to know, because the people I told say they understand, but only one truly does, and she has been ignoring me for a while. I do not like myself, and I want to kill the monster that I see in me. ",2.827335338345865,3.8302331831578975,4.310015037593988,88.3341052631579,74.01052631578948,7.449624060150376,25.150375939849624,7.859703344183488,1.2094270676691732,1762,55,387,24,35,588,201,475,0.14800000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.117,-0.9745,1,3,3,0,0,1,64.0,0,1,5,6,13,19,3,1,26,0,43,16,4,0,4,68,83,35,4,10,19,1,4,3,2,4,7,1,0,2,30,17,5,2,15,5,0,6,12,9,1,5,26,11,73,10,48,52,7,57,1,2,6,1,28,16,0,4,37,280,103,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113704482459264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899410957270645,0.0,0.20059146277545092,0.0,0.0,0.053718393801798485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741866167767354,0.0,0.05493509113014285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704818832975949,0.07171067421447512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164473486608186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327063618877018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700221669468477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948847093166278,0.0,0.0,0.06324339999580528,0.0,0.0660601390667662,0.05393089508862497,0.0,0.057180254602991865,0.0,0.0,0.04264071706637691,0.05839745734019443,0.21757551072428574,0.12337809019818045,0.0,0.0,0.06086063151223432,0.0,0.09792915498670368,0.0,0.061986918930607336,0.14144281082177615,0.0,0.16474196847755934,0.07806519392071072,0.0,0.09975649551421303,0.0,0.03372949711877525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163385876175209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309057947546666,0.0,0.0,0.06412181391620125,0.0,0.0,0.06911191725338217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427543972466034,0.0,0.2483601861935454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462103538333183,0.0,0.11401384414488692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684870677785061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723234267167395,0.0,0.04786979996516312,0.049792005023462885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374695839818234,0.1964006048014248,0.13739099844177813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951438716726061,0.1127411387032009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513317087522256,0.0,0.051340036159968905,0.0,0.0,0.2572264646613645,0.0,0.0,0.07293347606273369,0.0,0.053404005237680095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880307095358914,0.04970079632705781,0.0,0.0,0.045695306544811264,0.0,0.0,0.053974349487697214,0.0,0.0674912525286903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048540454696641096,0.0,0.05642755240366115,0.0,0.07382902715954813,0.0,0.04289023801124783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822483018242184,0.0,0.0,0.2467561803963609,0.0,0.08766286528986132,0.0,0.0,0.13441672711257144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665506614074073,0.0512440571377687,0.051785464924444136,0.0,0.058046439115716025,0.059846989174856466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223272754774022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314796624828205
suicidewatch,lost58854,2019/02/20,"Lost the only reason I have to live My sweet and loving girlfriend who was always there for me no matter how bad things got for me just died a few hours ago when some drunk dude swerved his truck and crashed into her head on. I am beyond devastated. Things were already bad enough for me, trying to deal with depression and anxiety nearly every day.. 

But now I lost the only person who meant anything to me in this world and therefore I have nothing left to live for. I'm sitting on the edge of a building as I type this out, I just wanted a way to say goodbye I guess. I can't even put my sadness into words and I don't want to stick around and feel this pain in my heart for much longer. 

I'm honestly so scared of dying but I can't see myself getting through this, I can't even see myself getting through the next few hours.. I've lost everything. I don't know what else to say so goodbye I guess. ",2.6983870967741908,4.194493354838709,3.583634408602151,91.45545161290323,75.12903225806451,6.035268817204301,23.690322580645162,6.42735559955562,0.5105380645161293,708,21,152,5,15,226,110,186,0.162,0.7959999999999999,0.042,-0.9395,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,0,1,7,0,10,5,2,3,0,28,28,13,2,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,9,11,1,0,4,1,0,1,6,9,0,0,7,6,24,3,28,21,5,22,0,5,2,1,10,12,0,3,7,102,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781122388605316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342137218801599,0.0,0.1011998656522968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304106594158833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008515503588336,0.10827002730403368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030998214055796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784366080097009,0.1253877081928514,0.1047534908287498,0.0,0.2524504121596117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160019597038353,0.0,0.0,0.12566880592543572,0.0,0.1606613501645863,0.0,0.10247240701094083,0.0,0.1093066796487241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149611350793072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708572745245808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972728184889258,0.0,0.2679623278424996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482002307407936,0.0,0.0,0.14412353673139358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954780677788326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684067916130416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321434667615614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479022162382985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982967751846209,0.0,0.10976927454868447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940671062255033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934716757585016,0.0,0.0,0.11670030264725995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849991540445928,0.12941517420870247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619628848497803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226444972373884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504843663820348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343857454647,0.12176558358140477,0.0,0.19383516016499988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160149317003578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825738593633485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347249059864778,0.09653847278001064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mustbeover4letters,2019/02/20,"An Alternative I've been planning it in my head for a while, instead of just ending it, why not just wander into a state park where free camping and roaming is allowed and not come out. Your loved ones would see it as a freak accident, not suicide. Yes they'd be sad, but not nearly as much as they'd be crushed that they couldn't help me with something they would see as preventable. ",10.05982683982684,6.336763727272729,8.825194805194807,77.5054112554113,61.077922077922075,11.305627705627707,39.95238095238096,7.793537801064563,3.0964666666666667,305,11,63,2,3,94,58,77,0.174,0.742,0.084,-0.7485,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,4,1,4,4,0,0,4,1,9,2,1,1,0,18,13,8,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,1,2,7,3,11,5,1,9,0,1,2,1,7,5,0,0,2,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24861541537533302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556263491138243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962012410614629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345188826334234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604854137259709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216450689089744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557232365972327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599760005503739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221891665461524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156968847572988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604292544448086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100462262216775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dracocerberus,2019/02/20,"Life sucks I moved to the US two years ago, adapting has been hard since I don’t understand nor fit the culture. No friends and barely any colleagues. I spend 99% of my free time at home with my family, my mom has psychotic breakouts about every two days and makes my life hell, brother is the typical annoying middle schooler and my dad is always at work. I’ve been depressed for at least 2 years now.

Everything I do fails, everytime I start a personal project something goes wrong and messes everything up. Grades have been going down and I’m stressed to death because I need to apply to college. I’ve been obsessively buying stuff to try and feel the void I feel but it doesn’t work.

I’ve never actually tried to kill myself, but it’s always been in my mind. I remember as a 9 or 10 year old I always contemplated jumping out of my window when I couldn’t stand my parents any longer. I feel like I never carried it out cause I was able to talk to friends and calm down. But that isn’t an option anymore. The only two friends who I still talk to are slowly moving on and leaving me behind and I progressively feel like I’m drowning. Ending it all keeps growing on me as time goes by, but I feel like I’m too much of a coward to actually do it. Even as my life becomes worse and worse the small little hope that it’ll get better is still there, although it’s slowly disappearing.
",4.495430362910888,5.43442479422383,5.346330989929701,82.69874026220788,70.01083032490975,8.142048261447844,28.65836975109253,8.371475516178862,1.9328888086642595,1096,39,218,16,19,358,159,277,0.141,0.741,0.118,-0.3704,1,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,0,5,8,20,4,2,10,0,20,3,0,2,3,36,37,21,3,3,5,4,6,3,3,1,3,0,2,1,11,13,0,1,7,0,3,6,8,10,0,3,6,6,29,11,32,29,3,38,1,2,0,0,13,15,2,3,19,134,40,6,0.09682502630085456,0.0,0.18897451698334844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858295437279202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241698535120343,0.0,0.0,0.13168867631241948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602440842975488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059023637335598476,0.10693563439332353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563386736080386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946597369198576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244413182948067,0.0,0.08339525327382516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575823411215917,0.0,0.0,0.06395201669314282,0.0,0.08157926068761158,0.0,0.17404018065094218,0.0,0.09127801758978092,0.0,0.244788212821174,0.2075154544076566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442032540553292,0.0,0.050587079936611136,0.0,0.05502789378038237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673620519220776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712339600984814,0.09616909836624213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606253221742609,0.10712254578075853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102523722422475,0.0,0.0,0.20517113859753,0.14191145108881847,0.0970441132005568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463145691447153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776567485155203,0.1134003005724237,0.0,0.20581935936293785,0.07117753516144244,0.07179453013663023,0.14935485871350113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016015773801875,0.0,0.0,0.0736397956045869,0.0,0.0,0.10751273323777376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454387825054058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096838798880356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009466231828062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454063568918683,0.0,0.0,0.06853325197142024,0.0,0.1546491821556955,0.0,0.11091274049001318,0.0,0.11084148992989534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556485769476341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291890296452747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147567419325976,0.0,0.2837519444080455,0.10079826709714376,0.1164685848888824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097954465503934,0.0,0.1973459475879754,0.0,0.10586296641271148,0.0,0.18705642721369548
suicidewatch,cantevendothisright,2019/02/20,I slipped out of the noose. I feel sick and nauseuous. My neck is throbbing constantly. I can’t even fucking end it.,0.08021739130434824,2.3173403913043487,1.5307608695652206,94.3291847826087,101.6086956521739,5.778260869565218,27.48913043478261,7.1686216300943375,1.8872695652173928,91,5,19,2,4,29,21,23,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5777243947463108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473506523898656,0.0,0.0,0.3531054182047973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703153042837305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49423910756316103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eply47,2019/02/20,"I want to kill myself I've always had the thought in the back of my head but I think about it more and more often. I don't have a bad life but I am still not happy. I live in a comfortable home with people who love me but I am under extreme pressure to succeed. My parents are always pushing me to do better but I am happy with the grades I get now. This is my first year of high school and it is allot harder then middle school. I expected there to be a change but I was not ready. In middle school I could not study and get strait As but no I'm getting cs, While this is upsetting, it is even worse because my parents are on my back making me study hours every night and making sure I finish everything on time. I know they want the best for me but I'm fine with who I am. I also don't have many friends. This is a new school and almost all my friends from middle school went to a different school so I feel alone. I'm feel so deep in depression that I only eat 1 meal a day and most of the time I don't finish it. This isn't everything but I don't really know what else. I'm really depressed and the only thing that cheers me up is watching my fish swim in there tank but I am at school from 7 to 5:30. I don't know how to stop thinking about suicide.
",0.19487576064909007,2.1861929044117687,2.1671957403651128,96.23044117647059,85.02941176470588,5.0752535496957405,17.467545638945232,6.311591054244273,-0.3585072515212984,978,22,228,9,29,325,133,272,0.187,0.682,0.132,-0.9552,3,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,4,15,18,1,2,12,0,26,5,1,3,2,44,47,23,2,4,12,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,14,10,2,1,8,1,0,3,10,6,0,1,4,3,35,12,29,41,6,35,0,2,1,1,8,15,0,4,17,157,49,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914723658485258,0.09460953641152246,0.0,0.0730513930832538,0.15201860330563607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404827747033816,0.07627221385792325,0.055685221087346616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958646551994799,0.08079035877504052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663464114813633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293437474238644,0.0,0.0,0.058912250133979174,0.0,0.1573567243842965,0.0,0.0,0.09543977998874484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934723598788025,0.07630998216965555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060334848025225166,0.0,0.07696508335639449,0.0,0.16419635209069572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092377131372094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770102002113237,0.0,0.0,0.1411513081970435,0.0,0.1431775229854142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944844353004977,0.0,0.0,0.09374995436008347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651474610737608,0.09163003202956492,0.0,0.0899599094736439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010636232281679,0.0,0.15060830305367576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452217410563536,0.0,0.0,0.08066243291060528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244562230990074,0.0,0.12195171731000785,0.09261308012639284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822498752864771,0.0,0.08572441508431836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389493594152065,0.0,0.0,0.20286348284535616,0.0,0.0,0.06332957461058396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704042550888905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6471471834485558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295106069414796,0.07637146834400786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999204744435081,0.0,0.0860949162917062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060687909824454815,0.1170649097135724,0.0,0.07252053568745874,0.10653213458818762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775946930860587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468101019528812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309196466193101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882546369221867
suicidewatch,Lottieflower,2019/02/20,"I havent killed myself yet because i dont want the a-holes in my life to win I have had major depression, anxiety and Asperger's throughout my life and have been suicidal through certain periods of my life including now. I have had many people cut me down again and again throughout my life. family, friends and employers have treated me like absolute shit under their shoes. 

I had a realisation a few months ago that if I was to off myself then these people would win. Worse still they won't even care or might even try to get sympathy. The thought that I would be rotting in the ground while they get to go on with their lives was enough to snap me out of my self pity for a time. 

Now I view suicide differently, if I were to do it it would be because I find life unbearably painfully and would be my decision and not due to how others have treated me. I don't want to give these people the satisfaction. ",6.436166666666665,6.107528061111113,6.638888888888893,79.52500000000002,65.6111111111111,10.533333333333337,33.0,10.125756701596842,3.0221,721,27,147,15,10,232,103,180,0.171,0.706,0.123,-0.8216,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,4,2,9,14,3,0,7,0,25,8,2,1,1,24,33,12,3,8,4,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,8,1,27,8,20,16,3,22,0,2,1,0,7,8,1,4,14,109,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737385721051707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012936167025094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614323385578075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500125831185505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404490953401986,0.0,0.0,0.1383407174666554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551840380878948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681536996646987,0.0,0.1749116807485431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482476939414132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102073441283386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229996993726724,0.0,0.13835796951219995,0.1270201500455556,0.07525189889915554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649252281190595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676270135647155,0.06468904790110504,0.0,0.11692083576444805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424339361420326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046654182703378,0.0,0.0,0.10568874214023273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408940333939708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27539016088006874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813295637148734,0.0,0.13591740384187528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574314062304116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28967103917787035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511909121387708,0.07720958668346775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989799047711933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619820477097293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493754054368953,0.3762422823776417,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MombieCupcake,2019/02/20,"The more I scream, the less I'm heard.. I have repeatedly tried to reach out, tell someone. They all just say ""it's not that bad. Suck it up and go on. I don't know why you're letting it get to you. You just have to shut it out. You have a good life, don't be selfish."" 
I don't want to be this way, I want help. Really. 
But then I think about what it would feel like to cut again. To drive off the mountain. To just fill my lungs with cold soothing water.
What if I just quit screaming for help?
Would they notice?",-0.9594980694980676,1.0734313063063077,0.6841248391248378,104.27939189189192,91.7927927927928,3.892149292149292,14.234877734877735,5.288315135182226,-1.358171685971686,389,7,101,2,14,124,73,111,0.08900000000000001,0.737,0.174,0.8651,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,2,1,6,8,2,0,4,0,11,3,1,0,1,19,21,4,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,9,4,1,0,3,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,1,6,13,2,15,15,3,13,0,0,0,0,10,6,1,1,4,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061002293229765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148446665974512,0.1716443234189105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552778491958316,0.0,0.13654730859533867,0.2015216609855603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322087177218955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320425600235531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24568575148965466,0.16970524614749458,0.11738063112969442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735416366281382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555498530404908,0.0,0.0,0.15391897820797965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106721319200648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035745206464832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000092698454328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395117720034246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631231746620786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834273258337576,0.1907100174113189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680047732379815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413526554810361,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,char-ashton,2019/02/20,"I'm too far gone. I almost drove my car off a canyon today. Now, I'm lying in bed wasted, wishing I had. 
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suicidewatch,3ndMySuffering,2019/02/20,"How is this even fair.... So a while back i got in a situation.

I like a girl, she liked me back but she had a bf. She was scared of him so she didn't broke up with him. Several friends told me to break ties with her because she had a 'negative' impact on my life even though it was the only time i felt happy in this shit life. I did it, completely removed her from me life and i miss her ngl.


Now fastforward 3/4 months and my friend got in the exact same situation. (He was also one of the people to tell me to break ties) but he just continues being with her even though she's still with the other guy...

I did everything for him,i stayed up late, cycled 30/40 mins in shit weather to support him in need even stopped earlier with my student job so he wouldn't feel lonely. After my break up he wasn't there for me while i did all i could to make him smile and feel better after his. And now he took my only chance to be happy and doesn't even follow his own advice?",2.6630882352941185,3.6119371715686315,3.943411764705882,91.01335294117649,74.34313725490195,7.2047058823529415,21.44313725490196,7.554174236665415,0.4967631372549026,749,16,173,9,15,246,108,204,0.079,0.7390000000000001,0.182,0.9736,1,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,19,14,2,1,9,0,16,5,2,2,2,25,28,16,0,3,3,0,3,2,3,1,3,0,0,2,5,10,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,15,3,34,8,27,9,3,31,0,3,0,0,28,9,2,0,17,124,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030504600292367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845378764310267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933329926231324,0.0,0.07504882111617978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088838486267185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908211806700182,0.0,0.0,0.09829607814030138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065763885012149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106464373792708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449972671735456,0.0,0.1182082261604205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902343040459219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693015750233214,0.0,0.0,0.12190167899334547,0.0,0.2621131300144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221711100491879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388773427304777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608760282132285,0.12029403346263345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217918900648302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982679873653204,0.0,0.0,0.09128706891966584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342486513891613,0.1872666645716014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535137013927488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325804847414495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908316434860374,0.2527483902824532,0.0,0.2767693694131665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122256514152686,0.09831856635143624,0.10292836329299992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970769283759327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760658847519207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419166942183628,0.0,0.0717884472371289,0.0,0.0,0.11764018474376828,0.13678358143639166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JewBrodFightsDracula,2019/02/20,"Writing out my goals made me realize how hopeless it all is. I’ve been depressed for a long time. In an effort to feel better, I picked up a self help book. Part of the book had you write down a list of goals. They wanted you to write down anything and everything you could think of, no matter how unrealistic or outlandish it seemed. Your wildest dreams. 

So I wrote out my list. It had 134 items on it. Some of them were mundane, reasonably attainable like get a driver’s license or visit California, and some of them were really far fetched like winning an Oscar.

I read the list after I wrote it and felt so stupid. I’m struggling every day just to exist. I can’t get it together enough to even get a minimum wage job. I’m never going to achieve any of the shit on that list. Even the simple stuff is incredibly out of reach of where I am. 

I’m in a situation I can’t get out of on my own. I need love and support and don’t have it. I need more than anyone could give. No ones going to love me as much as I need them to to get out of this hell. 

Looking at that list reminds me of how much I fucked Up my life and how I’ll Never have anything. It’s pathetic for me to even fantasize about doing any of that when I can’t even get out of bed. I’ll never have the discipline to achieve those things and lack the skill and experience for most of them. 

I’m disgusted with myself. I hate myself so much for what I became in life. ",2.639636708491391,3.876265540268456,4.114050189670266,88.64386197840679,74.80536912751677,7.330259702363584,23.694776772687483,7.893859768569023,1.0016660052524071,1113,32,248,16,23,370,149,298,0.13,0.762,0.108,-0.871,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,4,5,9,15,16,6,1,14,0,18,6,1,7,4,51,48,20,0,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,16,15,0,1,6,4,1,3,9,9,0,1,9,3,33,7,51,37,13,30,1,2,1,3,20,19,3,6,10,175,49,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825234180074196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135892434155306,0.0,0.1915023918114508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029075576335129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580183294309416,0.0,0.0,0.07504008978179401,0.0,0.1002173800755576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022700520462633,0.0,0.3074085544169307,0.0,0.09803507338443944,0.0,0.10457340344926183,0.11381864008070935,0.0,0.0,0.05883316471686005,0.0,0.11172014949675288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756938421161916,0.36474771053986416,0.11161941998448012,0.13225576107164075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487760720786958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799107355669166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546552318919395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437157727950424,0.1136914734155164,0.0,0.0,0.10297152977533196,0.09770985956924112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003193346649895,0.11009900094277944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660547144190443,0.25882982897446355,0.2692231042096985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884593744277704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600236983921448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638763597626756,0.0,0.07454072810249647,0.11963349959298618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592626742656887,0.12138483906212645,0.0,0.11943791419853783,0.0,0.13078918587695604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164070988379586,0.13319995189620584,0.0,0.13203957826488735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730185473377216,0.07455632160735749,0.0,0.0,0.06784820581426841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862987098070703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nepkins,2019/02/20,"If I don’t get the job I applied for I think I’m just gonna end it I’ve been miserable for a while. I just quit my job at this restaurant I’ve worked at for a month and I’m currently in my final semester at college

But I feel no need to keep going 

There doesn’t seem like there’s anything for me left, any time I make friends they always end up preferring not to be around me (so obviously it’s me), I don’t have any drive to do any of the stuff I love

I applied for a theatre fellowship that would be over a year long, but I doubt I’ll get it, at least 50 others applied. I’m just waiting for the rejection letter so I can set a date

I’m good at things, I know I am. But I don’t feel like I’ll ever be happy so what’s the point of sticking around when I’ll only bring those around me down 

I’ve thought about my family, my friends, all that guilt trippy jazz. I had an uncle who killed himself and it honestly hasn’t had much of an impact on my family’s life let alone mine. People get over it and possibly even forget about me

Maybe reincarnation is a thing. I like to think it is, maybe I can be happier in another life. ",1.2124503566608809,2.6083302064777314,3.329126662810875,92.14363022941973,78.91902834008097,6.9719683824946985,21.883362251783304,7.793537801064563,0.7209427029111235,879,25,210,14,21,300,131,247,0.099,0.759,0.141,0.9042,3,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,16,14,1,3,12,0,21,3,0,1,3,32,43,12,1,4,8,0,2,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,16,6,0,2,8,1,0,3,7,5,0,0,4,2,30,9,30,32,3,33,0,2,0,1,7,17,0,3,15,133,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819218273902785,0.0,0.0,0.10298959974776123,0.0,0.0,0.2525109978878879,0.12978747368559074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018551753146948,0.3305543946579893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192534481490789,0.0,0.0,0.08175133455826933,0.11196036091369924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23336558062281984,0.0,0.12516736213830998,0.08842392685697552,0.0,0.13558799363473642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912544441137808,0.0,0.1939998850732368,0.0,0.07034342288316459,0.10381547292766573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317593617703302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456525163156752,0.11001571534479897,0.1369372153012231,0.0,0.06802276613037188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344804428675239,0.1265669524444573,0.17484999181671554,0.18140867349466125,0.0,0.0,0.10953579345385092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171055986589196,0.0,0.08261987862800065,0.0,0.2486945539351491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879495389641996,0.0,0.09098788108491314,0.09177659995955584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413544526921318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580907072573017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700611511742293,0.1395362034034724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316485221501573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267889071366982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169122718482646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445943868547833,0.15861832609616713,0.0,0.09826245974551327,0.07217341603549186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010869802798864,0.0,0.0,0.08792525624929604,0.0,0.0,0.07970617843998369
suicidewatch,CindyLu21,2019/02/21,"I have never wanted to kill myself more than I do now. I'm just so ready to die. My life is a complete trainwreck up to this point. It would at least be tolerable if I knew how to make friends but I don't and the advice I get sucks. ""People won't remember you did something stupid"" If they see you again, yes they will, I've seen it happen a bunch of times. Honestly, I'm just kind of done with people and life. School sucks, and from what I've seen it doesn't get any better after that. No matter how hard I try I always drop back into the ""I want to kill myself"" mindset. No one cares to help either, even my family just ignores it. There is just nothing for me that makes this life worth living. I do not want to be here anymore. ",1.8038561438561445,3.3119299350649385,3.2053246753246762,93.18128371628372,77.57142857142857,5.777422577422577,18.98901098901099,6.297961479604792,-0.1832191808191808,566,11,128,4,13,185,100,154,0.165,0.648,0.187,0.4321,0,1,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,2,2,1,13,11,5,0,4,1,14,3,0,4,1,27,31,9,3,6,9,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,5,4,18,5,17,21,4,11,0,0,3,0,6,4,2,2,6,90,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553392846772082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322720627112208,0.0,0.0,0.1081020175166626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765109913435368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223468694849585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059210083477985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207596126250362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667234294278646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498113180989107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267693780658435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499523911056326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985856237126066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281638091407192,0.0,0.16610586588176104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057270093275778,0.0,0.1424018987140902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655124978035901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517436318654509,0.16553814634124084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368461835847623,0.0,0.0,0.14036948310780406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222146301843284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260402340548768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253172176347132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771916312352232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204133778949285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027381633012432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007696693407665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088161198909887,0.12667495305317386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223794380901632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926940840173246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792716604528883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812859802453009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292455779021375,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yourlocalcryptid0,2019/02/21,"I'm the most suicidal I've been in many months and it scares me I'm too scared to actually go through with it. But honestly at this point I haven't got much to live for. I'm depressed and always will be depressed, and I have no future. I only have a few friends but even when I'm with them I feel lonely and isolated and like I can't actually connect with anyone, even my best friend since freakin kindergarten. In addition to this something's recently happened that may make me lose one of my closest friends. I lost my boyfriend of 5 months a while back just because he didn't like me anymore, which totally diminished my hope for a good relationship anytime soon. But those are only small factors; the ultimate reason here is that I just don't feel that life is worth living. I actually made plans to kill myself on valentine's day (not because of the holiday, just the most convenient), but never went through with it no only because I was too scared to, but also because I made sort of a ""pact"" with my friend and promised not to commit suicide if he didn't. This is the same close friend who's pissed at me and I might lose though, so that's just another reason to break that promise. Basically, I just want to freaking die but I'm too scared to even cause any harm to my body besides scratching and cutting. I'm only 14 and I can already hear the choruses of ""you're too young to kill yourself!! you have such a long life ahead of you!!!!"" But honestly that arguement just doesn't affect me, I don't care if I'm young and I have a potential life. I also refuse to believe anyone would care that much if I died, they'd get over it quickly.",4.3270039525691715,5.335737096969698,4.952318840579713,85.11195652173916,70.45454545454545,8.163372859025033,30.10540184453228,8.456263369488248,2.0947140974967065,1302,52,267,20,23,418,167,330,0.231,0.608,0.161,-0.9814,0,2,1,0,0,3,35.0,0,2,2,6,23,32,4,4,12,0,24,5,2,7,3,57,47,26,6,6,18,0,3,2,5,4,3,1,0,0,17,17,0,1,4,2,1,2,12,16,0,1,9,4,33,16,34,32,8,28,0,6,0,0,15,10,1,9,17,177,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.24822078615254325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356499339408088,0.13560889052796474,0.07054990077462968,0.0,0.0,0.05765833278028145,0.08890697131296826,0.0,0.0,0.08408630796982683,0.11857062918506557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519626940619826,0.0,0.2067424242506493,0.0,0.0,0.09552635400961398,0.08897913498810113,0.0,0.0,0.09417967649925592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728927900668832,0.08710000543769406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054680852356026134,0.0,0.14605450977882106,0.0,0.17599184953039262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800381462026695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574210406397728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275326364987525,0.0,0.0442979118788932,0.0,0.048186627744059726,0.07111564014090932,0.06781222137231688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497720908820793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556155085022576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421300953204992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187609369791058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966352335565194,0.08284567209408124,0.0,0.149737637745352,0.07503417217239453,0.0,0.1897108035896106,0.09255545214745464,0.0,0.0,0.1604557572520051,0.056596241304880876,0.08596110569722099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994602210085396,0.0,0.0,0.13535297178544586,0.0,0.12465697503351968,0.0,0.06539326225456803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745412987534795,0.25793852347748114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015148939093268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435111677240842,0.08371731893859036,0.09102992621789728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395478752491018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013700529445083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527347526866327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854872865308601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330318032574786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050009799471477184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859876011045404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060230529288046564,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coolwhip55,2019/02/21,"I’ll take it as a green light I think my wife is officially sick of me.
I was talking to her about how it feels as though nothing brings me joy. That I feel lost and tired all the time. Her response? “Just quit. Jump off a bridge then.”

So, I’m taking that as my green light. I’m making a plan and following through.
I just posted that I was scared, that I needed a partner... maybe all I needed was a final push. 

This was it.",-0.7763333333333335,1.356357255555558,1.1016666666666666,100.5225,93.11111111111113,3.888888888888889,15.277777777777779,5.46131890053228,-1.0162222222222224,323,7,78,2,12,105,57,90,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.9256,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,6,0,5,2,0,2,2,13,18,9,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,5,6,13,1,8,13,2,9,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,3,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453811682092549,0.0,0.0,0.26581002990601066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26487995856891866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197003746586575,0.0,0.2437734531165315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598421973208062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23282818181888246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23239058980688024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580869933372213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293389811563865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36488357774007374,0.19503200951417946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547962940157384,0.23840133067676955,0.0,0.1414905358544827,0.2788892370060656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway80471,2019/02/21,"20f, in college, crippling anxiety, don’t know what to do I have a very run of the mill “I don’t know what to do with my life, and I have no hope” story. I know it’s kind of a standard thing for many college kids, but the fact that this is a shared experience doesn’t really change things for me. I hate college, but I know if leave I will feel even shittier doing nothing with my life. I come from a broken home, and we’ve been financially struggling since my parents got divorced. I’ve gone to therapy, started lexapro, I exercise daily, yet I hate life. I feel hopeless. I know it’s supposed to get worse before it gets better, but I don’t care. I don’t abide by any religions, so I don’t know if I believe god can save me from this sadness. I don’t expect life to get better either. Everyone in my family has mental issues that they will probably never get help for. My anxieties and depressive thoughts feel inescapable. I don’t know what happiness is anymore. I know I’m young, and there is so much time ahead of me, but that thought is almost dreadful to me because I know I’ll waste that time somehow. There is so much pressure on me to succeed in our family, and I’m scared I won’t. I’m scared I won’t find a job after graduation, I’m scared I won’t find love. I’m scared I won’t have any friends left because they all found better people. I have an amazing support system right now, but it all feels so deeply rooted in my biology and who I am. I am an anxious and depressed person. I don’t know if I’ll ever escape that.",2.458969521044992,3.968227194968556,4.134088050314468,87.20756168359945,75.79245283018868,7.030672472181905,26.06724721819061,7.748469712250963,1.387122980164489,1200,44,254,17,26,403,155,318,0.22,0.619,0.16,-0.9614,2,0,0,0,1,1,36.0,1,0,2,5,11,27,2,7,9,0,32,6,0,1,5,50,68,19,0,5,9,1,4,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,17,10,0,0,19,1,0,3,15,13,0,0,6,4,42,14,25,56,5,21,0,4,0,1,12,7,0,6,10,158,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603378077028874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685344157799325,0.0,0.13145302242502566,0.09706211115451543,0.08520689033191761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474879617976013,0.0,0.07310930740461273,0.0967993929859052,0.0,0.22796065076248925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759842926921241,0.0,0.09088912759861972,0.07401015968792342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800091593594109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674757660042056,0.07771713075377816,0.0,0.0820976768922068,0.0,0.08404362082618769,0.16199039726814513,0.0,0.1737695050287799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705373973747366,0.0,0.0,0.09420390182848154,0.06637950484943983,0.0,0.17955300502679816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871592592349401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914605800050272,0.0,0.16965112313328815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057588565538807784,0.0,0.0861820727438108,0.08533528039182013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967535539136531,0.08525967840178679,0.0,0.0,0.08946966280917877,0.4721790968200544,0.0,0.0,0.0909740316626087,0.09334941471131443,0.0,0.2427437633358686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754373169953757,0.0,0.0,0.08710667268899203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658444608345586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631822537149714,0.0,0.06626473036930962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243998145146174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954010112645178,0.0,0.0,0.05956424858787485,0.07501968593327572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263339771023717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055040832365523394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337291801625896,0.0,0.0,0.34407288495967303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107169124939884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060812718144369275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981943283852953,0.0,0.0,0.09749795149436796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982539380740055,0.0,0.114159293483024,0.0,0.0,0.13641750294314225,0.10019815522568276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089078329938849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755708464415013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salvadoredoggie,2019/02/21,"This is all pointless I wake up everyday wishing I would just die. 

My life is absolutely pathetic. My wife has told me she wants me around only as a friend.  At work, women fucking sexually harass me. My kid sees me as some sort of moneybag. My job at work is just to reprimand people and say no constantly. 

I can't just leave my wife without getting my son pulled from his school since there is no way either of could live in this neighborhood as there no apartments only housing in district. And she is a complete conniving bitch I would be cut from custody.

I've been doing this for 12 years in on learning I'm in a loveless marriage. And I've got about 4 more years until my son enters college. I can always get another job, but I just can't up and quit. There's no evidence at work, and I'm just too fucking drained to log each and every incident in a concise manner. 2nd my commute is 3 hours, so there is no time to look for a new job when I literally just feel constant pain, and exhaustion when I come home.

Coming home is a joke. All I do is pick up after everyone's ass for 2 hours after dinner. Because they are tired too, but they watch fucking tv for hours. 

There is no time for friends. And my friends all have these great lives. I'm just barely treading water.

I can't kill myself, because then there is no insurance money to take care of my kid. 

I'm even active in the community. But it's basically because if I didn't, the parent social committee would dissolve and my son and neighbor woulnt have their after school activities. Again I'm left holding the bag of steaming Shit while everyone else has fun.

But fuck it I wish everyday a transport truck would take me out. Or when I walk into a bank someone would shoot up the place. 

Probably as soon as my kid is in college, I'm just going to find some quiet place to die, and overdose. Just disappear. I don't even give a shit about anyone getting closure. I just want this fucking endless grind of meaningless to end.



",3.8502447257383965,5.292836425316459,4.929810126582279,83.16956751054852,72.08860759493672,7.79831223628692,29.116033755274266,8.344100000000001,2.0865679324894515,1568,63,306,25,30,515,206,395,0.162,0.728,0.11,-0.9604,4,0,0,1,0,1,39.0,0,0,3,4,29,20,11,0,13,0,33,15,4,1,3,56,63,29,3,11,18,6,1,0,4,5,4,2,3,4,7,17,2,1,3,2,2,8,13,13,0,0,4,6,39,7,49,52,8,55,0,0,3,6,25,22,9,5,24,201,46,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775294054434769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538224257165418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056934940384569324,0.0,0.0,0.07248638795498842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890956994037746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301921616706491,0.0,0.0,0.14028254837327747,0.0853735937152795,0.1759851204767142,0.0,0.06501202153035274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901462917167462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680209602305854,0.0,0.07211925220104896,0.0,0.0,0.10756218731431476,0.0,0.06860490233754474,0.15561203189572315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117142345353225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442187307400623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872853685158056,0.3763850448404577,0.1276251457542248,0.07811122226613339,0.04627626245719592,0.0,0.06512379680725135,0.0897724334366989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335379952660353,0.0,0.2405645729696053,0.09395465162744612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424081709211683,0.0,0.09008578564569078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621835874449832,0.08846956850299786,0.0,0.05751357966606298,0.0,0.0,0.14380126911617416,0.0,0.06837731784905245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864172153373113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385625814764545,0.08664298660064093,0.0,0.0904139177243127,0.0,0.0,0.05645052394887575,0.0,0.17014564266565171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779098133325489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660655557295474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475320967944831,0.0,0.16481488332988026,0.06488596599122701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716520233239968,0.06735641436057667,0.0,0.0,0.08300353519398825,0.06899197094358622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244441087317168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496029069947808,0.09358718892085033,0.0,0.07780601594786159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605430859639727,0.06463215503644039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727172332677866,0.07849174167440326,0.0,0.17783725565410624,0.0,0.0,0.2892134095867572,0.0,0.0,0.1048713264657342
suicidewatch,Ethan0602,2019/02/21,"littlest thing made me happy I was in a bad state of mind at work and was just doin my thing. I thought I wanted to cut so I grabbed the nicest knife from the kitchen. I went out to the back of the building where it faces the highway and was sitting leaned on the brick wall with the knife to my leg. The exact moment a car passed and a boy my age was in it and I thought I recognized him. I was waving my arms at him and he waved back and looked genuinely excited and happy to see me so unexpectedly and I don’t even know he is, but I for sure knew him somehow. It really made me cry tears of joy having that one interaction. I went back inside and put the knife back.

this is gay but i just wanna tell somebody cuz i think its cool",1.0098076923076924,2.8760275448717962,2.535230769230772,95.40976923076923,81.24358974358975,5.6984615384615385,20.015384615384615,6.742157984588678,0.02541846153846139,571,15,135,6,15,186,91,156,0.068,0.8079999999999999,0.125,0.8417,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,1,0,12,1,9,5,3,3,2,29,21,14,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,11,1,0,5,0,0,5,1,2,0,1,12,4,23,6,17,9,0,21,0,0,2,1,8,8,0,1,6,93,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190014218997518,0.14089053810079413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535255398212924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145093048352044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592529357120496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273488463835712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416987863211691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193310250888178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037891836682464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434233649756848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962992870166865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809892420462563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344636338402521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590350990293333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748586921054796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242062171502496,0.10812153789707228,0.0,0.2679208267219453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995270023538745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128466446655684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284445622988376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DSG011,2019/02/21,"I am feeling things again after several years. I have been under treatment for a long time now, and until the past couple months the wellbutrin was keeping me numb but productive.  Being productive at my job has been the only thing that has motivated my treatment, I cant afford to be fired.  So having hit a rut at work I started taking a 2nd med on top.  This has lead to me feeling again.  The emotions are not enjoyable.  I hate myself, and I want to die, I am afraid.  Normally I never worry about actually killing myself.  My feelings have always been predictable, now however I am feeling things I haven't in a very long time.  I am worried because I am feeling worse than I ever have, and feeling things I haven't in a long time.  I have started drinking again to numb myself and this isn't a sustainable solution.

I don't really know what I am asking.  Advice on either how to control feelings or the best dosage of wellbutrin and ventlafaxine to be numb again but productive would be equally helpful at this point.",5.091200294550808,6.522999283505158,5.8111929307805585,78.08030927835054,69.05154639175258,8.223269513991164,31.89837997054492,8.634040054169528,2.7187184094256263,807,35,140,13,14,263,107,194,0.172,0.675,0.152,-0.8499,3,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,6,10,8,2,1,11,0,29,4,0,4,2,28,45,11,2,3,5,0,8,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,5,1,2,9,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,8,25,2,20,35,3,32,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,21,116,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.1222892296412595,0.0,0.0,0.12245623402377664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427200498464416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715248087147215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639077750394709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131510217663482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055127486893113,0.0,0.1386585126543511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005704338346158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276085811388628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409623542317162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335446821687048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435407210308647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372248343865813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399591130951009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435566537054768,0.11138560832276116,0.1386423292394902,0.0,0.06886977157292629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33269913163047843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919656285206358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000251282690234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665054795119593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278195911581648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530760040220924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962721664016565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846305111039122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027991026553058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157012600972782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739701039445005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422118153345828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333014507336344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921631354165544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339788621170797,0.0739139531383458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123071293554062,0.254526653108043,0.1277065515954429,0.08902008339052711,0.0,0.0,0.08069866332092028
suicidewatch,hitlersanus55,2019/02/21,Sleeping pills I've started taking sleeping pills at night because I can't stop thinking how worthless I am long enough to even fall asleep. ,12.583846153846151,9.294405076923075,9.52692307692308,73.06807692307696,55.92307692307693,10.4,49.07692307692307,3.1291,4.075661538461538,116,6,19,0,1,33,22,26,0.117,0.807,0.076,-0.2528,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551683306178552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314045759232049,0.0,0.21184217605336345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838400249534321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009876916367024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6419324543345413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270175981986792,0.0,0.0,0.2681484841997298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241152500638045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055137787273904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garfieldjesus,2019/02/21,"i give up i dont know what im doing anymore. my friends are leaving me, my boyfriend is gonna dump me, my grades suck, and im very harmful to myself. nothing makes me happy anymore, im constantly numb or in pain. none of the people around me seem to care. ive tried killing myself before but thats when i had some hope left. now i lost it all and i just want to kill myself.",-0.21712737127371184,1.7464066097561002,1.7779674796747995,98.54331978319786,86.56097560975607,4.132249322493226,20.08672086720868,5.033348758259628,-0.44369539295392935,290,9,69,1,9,96,61,82,0.244,0.65,0.106,-0.9071,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,4,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,13,16,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,16,4,7,13,3,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,4,3,42,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32538413186812953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460379767916171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959322085727588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725841507501565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727818742884158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226366168798031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674349148956424,0.0,0.0,0.15737030339475486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463271637519007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293721094533756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316017072200976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362990797156271,0.0,0.09015678480142766,0.0,0.0,0.17370371222192835,0.1782392136828229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907835516733867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950367121955212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740899410432033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455920791911966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373059879104107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934362537191898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137818708991568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353572222355981,0.09676007651427013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dahromel,2019/02/21,"Suicidal ideation need someone to talk to I am 26, nonbinary, have severe depression, anxiety, ptsd and really have no support at all right now. I have been having bad suicidal ideation and have been in a state of derealization/depersonalization for at least 2 days. I just need somebody to talk to. I can't get a therapist for another couple of weeks and I don't think I can hold out that long but going to the hospital isn't an option because I can't take time off work or I won't be able to afford to live. I am scared and I don't know what to do. Someone please help, please come talk to me, preferably someone older than me who has gone through shit like this and came out the other side. Please help me. Anyone. ",5.189759129759132,5.650874300699303,6.0374358974358975,80.07700854700856,68.23076923076923,9.432478632478633,29.87490287490288,9.444778638647367,2.4314823620823622,567,20,116,11,9,187,91,143,0.156,0.7040000000000001,0.139,-0.1424,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,5,0,19,1,1,0,1,20,30,7,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,4,0,13,2,21,24,2,19,0,1,0,0,6,8,1,2,7,75,18,1,0.13578131624792594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237854907700825,0.10387233527985752,0.0,0.0,0.0949414533934031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337172747764955,0.0827710301081225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529765323224504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696358104819403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502394438264197,0.0,0.08756771607188361,0.0,0.11694824872202693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094013357238288,0.0,0.07716765110535717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202270826735384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462186042166756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633589253953337,0.0,0.11989738987595093,0.12016219209057305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136025103805216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471413326286396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872109255185962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698498806773196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159565021792212,0.0,0.0,0.13594078480631036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533942387450687,0.13937756989855127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451412058895261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970454435516576,0.15408302859675074,0.0,0.0,0.10209065162513617,0.3274076360857103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765257350787756,0.0,0.08700318484241876,0.0,0.0,0.07917517742858621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891558169134688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885041537616167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,electroshogun,2019/02/21,"Life really loves to dump a ton of crap on me at once I'm a clinically depressed 22yo with autism who still lives with their parents, since I can't work due to disability. Sometimes life is all right, but as they say, when it rains, it pours. I had to drop out of college due to a severe bout of depression, and there's no way I can go back, so I have no career prospects in my future. The only two reasons I've kept going are my dog and my girlfriend, but it seems like my dog isn't gonna be around much longer. On top of that, my parents are 100% incompatible. They argue and fight daily, which triggers panic attacks in me. My dad has zero compassion and refuses to care about my needs, instead insisting that he's always right and that *I* need to accommodate *him.* Meanwhile, my mom is a workaholic wallflower that rarely even talks to either me or my dad, and when she does, it only pisses dad off. Just tonight, the night before we're bringing my dog to the vet to likely put him down, my mom once again pisses my dad off. I don't know how much longer I can take of this. I want to kill myself.",4.056622023809524,4.7135848705357155,4.878642857142856,86.68302380952383,70.83035714285714,7.580476190476189,25.647619047619052,7.554174236665415,1.1028801190476196,857,24,184,9,15,278,142,224,0.198,0.72,0.08199999999999999,-0.9842,3,0,0,0,1,1,31.0,0,0,3,2,13,15,8,1,7,0,13,7,3,3,1,26,27,14,1,3,5,8,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,11,10,0,2,3,0,0,4,5,11,0,2,2,1,30,4,29,23,5,29,0,2,0,1,23,13,3,2,12,119,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254672261229247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040961370521198,0.0,0.1538771849755053,0.0,0.1040061909038766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509585498623374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379060542372886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329975835240657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836648227860708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089337610751461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537421588630421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964457404973605,0.0,0.07433507276216235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107554137460636,0.13216189922912674,0.0,0.11943659874009604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207696141050145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316828536002185,0.0,0.0,0.1988625616299976,0.2005863808237977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693185907251525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880938632099128,0.0,0.20574185884102505,0.0,0.1586978562731577,0.3003792908958186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359731361272801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665068628271791,0.1390692726784396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310217134236821,0.0,0.10756376726229733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231351504275352,0.0,0.1528047121041796,0.0,0.11188803943109274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377508410727215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080183952974443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169829556658323,0.10871644633262624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212885780251069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977954564376576,0.10736267926201157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847051223374932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ggukkie-,2019/02/21,I know things will get better but the pain is unbearable Everyday is a challenge for me. I can’t do anything right. I disappoint everybody around me. Everybody is tired of me. I’ve tried so hard to keep going and everybody says things will get better. How long do I have to wait for things to get better? It’s as if I’m building a wall brick by brick but everyday it gets demolished. It’s a constant cycle of rebuilding. The bricks get heavier and my motivation becomes scarce. I can’t trust anyone anymore. I’m truly alone. I don’t want to die young but I can’t bear it anymore. ,1.2665201465201434,3.7762006153846137,3.1000549450549464,87.7217307692308,85.58119658119658,6.7616605616605625,23.741758241758237,7.957251820313856,1.6002630036630041,460,18,92,10,14,153,68,117,0.16899999999999998,0.6459999999999999,0.184,-0.0127,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,5,3,7,0,0,5,0,12,2,0,2,0,13,24,9,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,11,5,11,22,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,54,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287901109696716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310800179280327,0.11671450139782633,0.0,0.13736112146058144,0.14859438810598613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843502726600316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428821193176407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803814621666216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732368387449549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360446371453577,0.0,0.09486460972409126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952773383161666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836636421624685,0.0,0.0,0.09173498952458932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477191451726349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776148866128096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254895887894786,0.0,0.13274166145775054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33268313852711856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918502420190748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332787486227408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984538726063185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thebrownmamba94,2019/02/21,"Tonight is the night Hi y'all! I hope everyone is okay!

I'm a 24 year old male from Canada, and after suffering from a trauma that's left me severely depressed for several months resulting in 3 failed suicide attempts. I know tonight will be the night!
I've been diagnosed and given anti-depressants and I think I'll overdose on all of those, add sleeping pills and Tylenol with some fine scotch.

Just wanted to say, things honestly don't get better. Living in the past and dwelling on missed opportunities and mistakes have eaten my soul. I haven't slept properly since August 2018.

Goodnight people, Love y'all!",4.203133971291861,6.87521499122807,4.392169059011168,82.0316985645933,74.52631578947368,7.654226475279107,28.784688995215305,8.575989854853784,2.4775368421052635,495,21,86,10,11,154,89,114,0.221,0.642,0.13699999999999998,-0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,2,0,4,1,14,0,1,5,1,8,7,2,1,1,17,19,6,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,1,8,7,11,13,2,15,1,4,0,1,6,5,0,2,10,44,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047195397157028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320310577039321,0.1956374710968436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841811472663692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070406287007576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144451389896386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593050992380884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942373705346648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702020235936832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396464806779555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538514300357773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617661504186425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225898883695675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840019470086396,0.1336287707066093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328275458715776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43550589164677067,0.0,0.1594450187629857,0.0,0.19288947628604625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108375154958907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805471750697864,0.1235065928840971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368910579496487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241248571109734
suicidewatch,Massamemes,2019/02/21,The police came by I was standing on the bridge for an hour. Thinking about it. The police came by and brought me home.,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,1.2966666666666669,100.015,87.75,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.6411499999999997,93,3,20,0,3,28,19,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,5,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8287119704307925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634000424553828,0.0,0.3567764214188698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213673627343906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foronemoreday,2019/02/21,A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide... the librarian responds with ”f... off you won’t bring it back!”,0.8991666666666696,3.0785715357142855,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,83.64285714285714,5.161904761904762,23.619047619047624,6.42735559955562,0.6601761904761907,105,4,22,1,3,36,26,28,0.0,0.902,0.098,0.3595,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,16,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5730173312938827,0.0,0.0,0.4713139895485146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6704582472404225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwitinthebinplz,2019/02/21,"Tempted to just finish it tonight Everything i was once into doesn’t feel the same. I try and try and try and i either can’t bring myself to actually do what I used to like, or it’s a forced half-assed attempt. I’m lonely. I’m sick of it. I tried to make more friends a month ago and one pressured me to drink to the point where I could barely move and then I ended up getting felt up. Then I was blamed. I give people my trust and care and I’m always fucked over in the end. I’m done. I have my medication I can overdose on easy. ",-0.2398408488063665,1.7669888620689669,1.9279310344827607,97.13324933687004,87.10344827586206,4.6037135278514585,17.54376657824934,5.873414542411696,-0.5553029177718827,412,10,99,3,13,138,76,116,0.155,0.715,0.13,-0.4417,0,2,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,5,0,9,4,0,2,0,17,22,10,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,4,2,15,4,13,17,3,18,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,1,9,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.18299735731161948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662296052631845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603582923655884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191194243867808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497234600938644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190319080252152,0.0,0.18370311663626976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321829939984797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685353857947188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481827870210947,0.0,0.18005341583450027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448813562513122,0.17336384845312736,0.09797407703735203,0.17989107544342714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161524681058536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517439920844206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891171724986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968067254723547,0.199309406623894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970801370546828,0.12707179882227018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000622916780386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727174630069598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5092686847348853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161961397974344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,baka_chuu,2019/02/21,"Just kill me rn, no one qould even care I'm so sick of everything, I wish someone would just kill me rn. Stab me, shoot me, push me off the building I don't fucking know anymore. I wish I had the guts to pull the trigger",3.153125,3.0519663958333325,4.170833333333333,93.6575,72.54166666666666,7.233333333333332,28.5,6.42735559955562,0.9633250000000002,169,6,42,1,3,55,34,48,0.34,0.524,0.13699999999999998,-0.9299,0,0,0,1,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,3,0,3,3,1,1,0,7,9,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,9,1,3,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24570816415338606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526045623143212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364102494912847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266782985676664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290471625804109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482123658690768,0.0,0.13616065388528825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678864147509916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992352648013576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698161689410955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599931706673494,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,N0BadVibez,2019/02/21,"I'm finally going to do it I've been increasingly lonely and feel as though my whole life is falling apart. I go days without anyone talking to me. 

​

I feel as though it will take weeks before anyone realizes I'm gone. 

​

I've tried before, but was afraid of surviving and having brain damage, but I'm at the point where I'm so done with being alone that I think that's a risk I'm willing to take. ",3.0381344537815096,4.728602729411765,4.2774789915966425,86.02294117647061,74.6470588235294,6.739495798319329,23.907563025210084,7.447530270364453,1.0526974789915968,332,10,66,4,7,109,58,85,0.152,0.8140000000000001,0.034,-0.8271,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,2,0,9,2,1,0,0,10,22,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,5,1,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,9,15,2,12,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627280085957486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34047697020710643,0.38183382131205984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972266345347216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673935727257131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753968840820724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013288248712896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607873954561916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588882812255058,0.0,0.0,0.1721163000913344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785888168686439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109778707381921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852834002635645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362680271580307,0.1262863853889489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067557857629816,0.3087374467204667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667355902667806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603146910783336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541787018009852,0.0,0.15145721083846042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38183382131205984,0.0
suicidewatch,ambasea,2019/02/21,"Talent. I'm extremely passionate about art and creative writing, and I have been ever since I was a little girl. I've been working at creative writing for around nine years now, and I've been working at art for six. But no matter how hard I work, I just don't think I'm any good. And I know that ""I'm my own worst critic,"" but the thing is, other people don't think I'm good either. All of my friends are much better than me, and whenever I used to try and show them what I was working on, they always would seem to change the subject as to avoid hurting my feelings. My parents don't think what I try to do is any good, and overall I don't have anyone that says my art is good. I already have extremely low self-esteem, and I take criticism really hard because I'm unable to distinguish between people who are trying to help me improve and people who are just looking down on me. So recently, I haven't been showing my art to anyone that I know in real life, but I've still been submitting things to online criticism forums. All of the feedback I've gotten is negative.

People always say that no one's born with talent, and that hard work is all that matters. But that's completely false. Some people will never be good at certain things, because they're not born with that ability. And I think that I just need to accept that that may be the case for me.",6.7176103896103925,5.5709001818181845,7.088896103896104,79.22477272727275,65.36363636363637,9.748051948051947,32.37012987012987,8.634040054169528,2.441976623376623,1070,35,213,13,14,350,132,275,0.112,0.7020000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9693,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,6,10,16,0,1,5,0,29,2,0,2,6,51,47,18,0,2,9,1,4,0,1,3,1,2,0,1,19,14,0,1,10,6,0,0,10,4,0,3,8,7,27,12,28,34,8,18,0,2,1,1,12,10,0,3,8,147,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111456221285366,0.0,0.16761210209626967,0.0,0.0,0.13698437920616555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084975447430362,0.0,0.0,0.08966102253930082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279440488451918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907753109776337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654706059621652,0.0,0.10560167124233152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911058567572018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050926415709036735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781504028483513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223904571466859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27067259438690183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750964107840908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078214826515811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070475901876113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711406169935919,0.0,0.10094662635117872,0.0,0.0,0.0845783658119071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403985475853461,0.07468166145001437,0.07768049302035554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824961748197232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183622944462368,0.0,0.0,0.3491284255520121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463996388975788,0.0645229969332952,0.0,0.09944759422118857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019115192127698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169054827210643,0.10507160042473222,0.0,0.0,0.08331557353775601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043410718959923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757279497077998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073914474246327,0.2581459791385207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051442171916332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698864390874754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666221718168559,0.0,0.0,0.07154769541483746,0.0,0.0,0.0648595593686461
suicidewatch,Obvious-Torch,2019/02/21,"Unsure of what to do, maybe you guys can help? So this is a pretty serious post, I have a friend from school who has been making a ton of suicide jokes today. This was somewhat normal since thats just his kind of humor but then when  another one of my friends asked him if he was getting fast food next week (our school orders food like chick-fil-a or some fast food restaurant like every other week) and my friend said “oh I’m not going to be here next week.” So then I asked what he was doing next week and he just said that he would just be gone next week and that he was “going somewhere” and then jokingly said “I’ll figure out if god is real or not.” After he said this my other friend and I just kinda laughed it off with him (which I know wasn’t the right thing to do and I feel bad for it, but I honestly didn’t know what to say). Like I said he makes jokes like this sometimes but not really to the extent that he did today. Now I’m unsure of what to do, I feel like he was just joking but theres always the possibility that he was serious and just saying it in a joking manner to make it less awkward and I really don’t know which one it is. He seems really happy with his life but I guess you never really know how someone is truly doing.",3.3007646810308415,3.9274240722433484,4.5554816223067185,88.42601499788763,72.53612167300379,7.365356991972963,20.69476130122517,7.3871296695380915,0.4071412758766368,973,16,216,10,18,322,125,263,0.054000000000000006,0.727,0.22,0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,2,0,0,13,23,0,1,7,0,26,4,0,4,1,49,50,24,1,4,18,0,2,5,4,1,1,7,0,1,24,11,3,0,8,5,0,3,7,4,0,2,16,9,20,19,20,31,5,29,0,0,0,0,34,4,0,9,25,140,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000849008965516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822468567246353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731294890276273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025064580093418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088881437191655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508410609682594,0.06010728871863135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052153630156815,0.0,0.2600152809241924,0.0,0.04395796295550765,0.0,0.09563367244556173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268608141050827,0.0833085795633738,0.0,0.08956510167346261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639506908253451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761544531812558,0.1849573611383062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942825270346248,0.2055247544676561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848573938445555,0.0,0.08452664277345429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648914243990753,0.0,0.35792141979600944,0.0,0.08243612050246812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140264362621046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485150866733467,0.08057971906862409,0.0855972907111685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957660058608997,0.2156005460161808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185229813591444,0.4001664334450528,0.13381779157318685,0.0,0.17030170253164298,0.0,0.07659490883702333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959876323228502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128876880123515,0.0,0.08321336625882209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920319144199456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589669739255804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950354313916318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33744700384449633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976831103174611,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GANDALFthaGANGSTR,2019/02/21,"The Infinite Black That's what I call it anyway. I could be wrong about the afterlife, but I prefer post-death being kind of what it was like before we were born. Just nothing. Pure peace. Nothing weighing you down, and nothing pulling you up. Just infinite, impenetrable black. So welcoming to accept you into the arms of infinity. No more humiliation, failures, or feelings of inadequacy. No more being alone and hating that you aren't worth anyone's time. Just absofuckinglutely nothing. If the void had a prayer, I'd say it every single day. If suicide had a saint, I'd whisper her name with my hands clasped together in front of my face. I want it so bad. ",2.9899303135888498,5.832855780487808,4.433176538908247,78.927256097561,80.62601626016259,6.766318234610917,25.858885017421606,7.957251820313856,1.9090933797909413,523,21,93,10,14,173,86,123,0.298,0.619,0.083,-0.9881,0,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,4,0,0,7,7,1,0,6,0,9,4,3,0,1,19,12,8,1,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,5,1,0,3,0,1,2,3,3,0,2,4,6,12,4,11,4,3,11,1,0,2,0,10,4,0,3,6,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967758887822204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284781999041576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863657344221538,0.0,0.0,0.16167041058821796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400452897160805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169428957227954,0.0,0.0,0.12253004105051706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007765450595435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606638410016502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757917225174345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978489146600331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282119028112357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7292152599055794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196118165525654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109039695470414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078219692424983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078669372332252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206304434083897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772798404341145,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cursed_Thot,2019/02/21,"I have borderline personality disorder depression and anxiety I was recently diagnosed with the borderline. Always knew about the depression and anxiety. I'm on medication for the d and the a but there is no meds known for bpd which means now that my depression and anxiety is being medically treated my borderline is running wild and I really just want to kill myself even more because of the intensity of all the emotions I keep feeling but if I stop my meds I won't be able to get out of bed. None of my friends get it either, I have no one. Someone please help me. ",5.0867201834862374,6.625928256880741,6.828337155963304,70.37443233944956,69.18348623853211,11.68853211009174,34.725917431192656,11.45678717892309,4.697778899082568,456,23,82,17,8,158,72,109,0.273,0.647,0.08,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,7,0,9,3,0,0,1,20,17,8,1,2,5,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,3,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,1,13,2,12,12,4,6,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,63,16,0,0.15850153003482007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188597028180699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637597099166149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662106155121304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962712846975667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095514066932702,0.16087571655434615,0.0,0.0,0.1816564853484792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829288756647105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468876572446673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014313602371376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245788892485684,0.0,0.16562101506758584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624023451347993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088344260034186,0.17535845902812247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265463252367808,0.3521189365130263,0.31934723260678743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740473880343304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839742233738964,0.0,0.17398708286207318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154013880394007,0.0,0.15650113914232422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342978320415969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251437633781174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348830904757552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nudder-Budder,2019/02/21,"I’m having suicidal thoughts daily I know this may not sound like that big of a deal but every day I just wanna kill myself. Every day I just wish I could die. I’ve stopped wearing my seatbelts in cars hoping I crash, I’ve stopped eating. I just can’t stand being lonely like I always am. Multiple people at my school bully me, when I told the girl I had a crush on she said I was ugly and blocked me. I just have nothing to live for and nobody would care if I killed myself. Which is what I’m gonna do becuz I have no reason my family hates me and doesn’t care me. My only coping mechanism is drinking and drinking tastes terrible and hurts my throat and I just don’t wanna live anymore. Goodbye to u all I know u don’t care anyway. ",1.639069124423962,3.4150160451612908,3.496889400921664,89.71104838709678,78.87096774193549,5.71889400921659,20.74884792626728,6.5431188927421005,0.3027880184331795,577,15,121,5,14,194,98,155,0.343,0.55,0.107,-0.9926,0,2,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,3,0,3,0,17,6,2,1,1,29,31,9,4,7,8,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,1,4,6,4,3,4,2,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,3,27,6,9,21,1,11,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,3,7,78,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802821257732403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067428193285292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338679449944525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325342687146565,0.0,0.0,0.18295938604940432,0.14623820873455332,0.0,0.0,0.1472149726659813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27791245904927736,0.0,0.14514507201067553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390247251819923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372089233009946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400447184078113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088625046513645,0.0,0.0,0.15185033438091214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138657650268397,0.0,0.15591099529654506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859872926352568,0.0,0.2505073082255871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361061898640597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788116831706852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983389707842735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584252031228798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349291459149506,0.0,0.0,0.14355691376105756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371811792646497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551577865076755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261081231133048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554105425251525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311725065325464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076416318661524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,disabledbutcute,2019/02/21,"euthanasia isn't legal where I live I'm severely disabled, my illnesses aren't curable and they are degenerative. I live in pain and sickness every single day. I just want to die. There is nothing I can do except lay here and whither away. Nothing I do can done normally. Talking, breathing, eating, pooping, peeing, sleeping, drinking, walking, moving, thinking, *nothing* I do is without pain or sickness. I've done two years of therapies and that helped my mental health a whole lot, but that doesn't help with my physical health. I just wish I could be euthanized. Have a gentle, dignified death compared to what awaits... Have someone I love or at least a nurse who cares to hold my hand and tell me that it's okay, I can go. I did my best and I did good. Someone who could tell me they love me and they're gonna love me even if my time has come. 

Please make this suffering end",2.4369869281045737,4.966290123529412,3.4333333333333336,87.26888888888891,80.11764705882355,6.130718954248366,26.50326797385621,7.3871296695380915,1.5158169934640524,691,29,132,10,18,221,109,170,0.12,0.616,0.264,0.9883,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,1,6,10,0,0,3,1,22,17,5,1,0,26,34,11,2,6,8,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,9,2,1,1,1,0,4,4,3,0,1,4,1,24,7,10,26,5,12,0,1,0,3,12,4,0,4,4,90,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381287680844195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712656494235805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350798031157705,0.0,0.0,0.10434942066712817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343722684705536,0.0,0.0,0.07812380879035777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572182957073622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479318940977528,0.0,0.11866884930058265,0.0,0.12395413099563847,0.0,0.0,0.107292065526228,0.0,0.0,0.08001032246770866,0.0,0.10206375485564537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884535865714611,0.10160457331934787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575274662574117,0.0,0.0,0.1623921222806416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139336545775068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029869587569704,0.32799456912404096,0.0,0.08086036964396713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207833121412795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875022684383616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868924693918355,0.3487047321831091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577981526993385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329728410558289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685114463217107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122520555315748,0.0,0.2052791963684617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736591179739512,0.21175941562392064,0.0,0.13853154160886574,0.0,0.0,0.07762016050757405,0.0,0.0,0.07063637947683735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833395174938698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145016661619855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352459397981708,0.13930240121162912,0.11677244056165274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800872088646219
suicidewatch,TheUnderscore101,2019/02/21,"I will, but I won't. (13 Male)I don't understand what's wrong with me. 6-8 months ago, I was fine. Now, I want to end it all, but I don't want to. I want attention in real life, but I don't want attention in real life. I don't fully understand why though. Sometimes, my life is going great. I have friends, I have what I want and it seems like a utopia. The next day is dystopic. I could be being bullied, or I did something wrong that I regret, etc. So I don't know whether I want to do it or not. Sometimes, the only reason why I haven't is that I don't have a note. I'm underage so I can't write a will, but a suicide note could say where I want everything. Donate my musical instruments to my school, give my Fallout stuff to my friend, give my money to my parents, etc. Sometimes, I just feel like a total failure. To my family, my friends and myself. I mean, I'm pretty sure that being alive after 14 attempts in the last half of a year is pretty pathetic. The worst thing is that I'm too scared and embarrassed to tell anyone, so only a few people know about it too. Sometimes I feel hopeless, worthless and useless. I feel like I just want to walk out of my class, go to the bathrooms and lock myself in a stall. Maybe I could dehydrate in there. It might be easiest to run away and then do it, so no one will find my body. I could jump out of my window and it would all be over. I would finally feel the peace and the sweet relief of death. It would be fast, I could get it over quickly, I could go to the train tracks outside of my garden. And if I survive that, then I could tamper with my life support in my hospital. I could refuse to eat or drink. And if I survive all of that, then I will simply lock myself in my room or jump into the English channel. ",1.9683198562443849,3.2974697358490594,3.5456684636118614,91.66827807726864,76.7088948787062,6.5639173405211135,23.14833782569632,7.1686216300943375,0.6675314645103323,1356,40,307,15,30,450,163,371,0.152,0.649,0.199,0.9003,1,0,2,0,0,2,56.0,0,0,0,3,14,21,0,2,17,0,43,7,1,1,5,73,71,29,2,22,14,1,4,3,3,9,4,1,3,0,19,15,2,1,14,3,2,7,11,9,0,2,2,6,55,12,36,46,8,37,0,4,0,0,10,15,0,8,18,219,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723513188733626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303504507819328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126217638695413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425060106228761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844709374170092,0.0,0.0,0.048916017221930085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430266862271016,0.0,0.07761196619052169,0.0,0.0,0.06717927103555628,0.0,0.16918228718868386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816775431578702,0.0,0.07150322936025505,0.0,0.15340515219952724,0.10837238818363222,0.0,0.08308834046123534,0.06932416836873016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580112303371742,0.0,0.03962771842426628,0.14552161347726314,0.12931937658441026,0.0,0.0,0.08362325527936787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336872019186455,0.06182666288670818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429619629668348,0.11116725914944096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620002779849709,0.08262126831551501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046328790711679,0.0,0.0,0.06054156083547794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066575591802277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139691656879968,0.11537242666292477,0.0,0.0,0.08422079956203074,0.0,0.0,0.05258380990818878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433041506566214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726644302746008,0.0,0.07798490571409297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031778326473819,0.07593759514396263,0.07676274628476089,0.0,0.06904963915634776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839189227680872,0.3000644821123841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682840278924961,0.08296596442312686,0.08607199569141029,0.07148632752047407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629494504909501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050390382906521286,0.0,0.0745207806367846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579219575901532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578993533289288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688297415807746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164182603210786,0.1658568879570526,0.0,0.048843956707009466
suicidewatch,cantwaitforthistoend,2019/02/21,"Im my own biggest enemy I really have come to a point where I realize that I'm not cut out for this life and I don't bring anything positive towards those around me. It feels like I've been in a rut forever now and I can't see any light around me. I haven't been diagnosed for any mental health issues but everyday is worse than the last and I only have myself to blame for this mess. I have major trust issues and have isolated myself from everyone so I don't cause any pain for them. I treat my family like absolute shit, I have a fiery rage inside me that is burning me up. I often think about killing myself and how exactly I would carry it out but I'm too much of a coward to do it. I've never posted on here before so I'm not expecting anyone to read this but I have lost all hope and I'm really hoping to get hit by a car so I don't have to do it myself and upset those who were unlucky enough to ever come close to me. I wish I just had one person who understood my pain but that would mean I would have to enter the real world to find him/her. When I look back at my earlier years (now 20) I realize I put on a act and never really accepted that I was so alone and ever since 16 it's been getting worse and worse. Anxiety eats away at me everyday and a true feeling of emptiness swallows me whole. Sometimes it feels like the world would be a better place without me in it. ",2.577880835380835,3.57283797972973,4.606597051597053,85.99958230958235,74.60810810810811,8.21965601965602,22.914004914004913,8.710501217029153,1.3450391891891895,1086,28,238,21,22,375,155,296,0.202,0.6609999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9738,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,19,19,4,1,11,0,28,8,1,2,7,55,50,21,1,8,8,0,3,3,0,4,5,0,0,1,18,18,2,0,10,1,0,7,10,9,0,1,8,6,38,10,34,36,6,40,0,1,2,0,4,20,1,3,15,170,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618764212177643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916679084962927,0.0,0.07843331064059181,0.0,0.0,0.07168966103064077,0.0,0.08437145443249229,0.1825425493283565,0.0,0.0,0.09632802728750904,0.07883737290282311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724341080335399,0.0,0.0,0.09067730410577404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532405720558884,0.0,0.17663684678451608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040633256546796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491130044137216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059383874553843,0.0,0.0,0.1854841142806956,0.0,0.09796948713339766,0.0,0.0,0.09665386854814892,0.0,0.1555230604403676,0.14649143340051785,0.0,0.0,0.0937083418003694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713284761292437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898201281160733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366602249533103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074736973124276,0.21402429176485488,0.0,0.0,0.11343156580118,0.0,0.0,0.08357365395784824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241825499542054,0.15026937592640424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609733681413484,0.0,0.11192095439811417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168258103161907,0.0,0.0,0.10332367610916787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536956113566509,0.0,0.15815116566179954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947533506203056,0.07797683727385364,0.2181931270368286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952311970339395,0.10711948907078292,0.0,0.09692169376226432,0.0,0.0981930710985043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306852644512296,0.0,0.0,0.10255531570535703,0.11669882113029895,0.19704536068635747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170119923085849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524307754062526,0.08481186563352984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140238863875596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569552715918894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446837075676715,0.11790164594217535,0.09883291905347542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31345305989884137,0.2913305770937072,0.0,0.0,0.0660243937675199
suicidewatch,Langurotte,2019/02/21,"I guess this goes here. I'm not going to make a throwaway so here we go.

I reached out in r/depression, got... a well-intentioned reply. But I'm not expecting you to go and search it down, so here's the rundown;

\- I have one friend left, as of six days ago, my peak was \~20 eight years ago  
\- I've left the game design studio I was invited into  
\- I've left all servers on Discord  
\- My art sites are locked out, Twitter is hidden  
\- The only reason I'm still alive is because of my niece -- besides her gf I'm the one person she confides in  
\- I haven't had a partner in six years (27 as I sit here)  
\- My brother is moving in with his gf  
\- Said gf is going to the one place I can buy games  
\- Therapy is off the table, meds don't work  
\- No job (obviously)  
\- Struggling with anxiety, depression and borderline PD  
\- Can't drive  
\- My dog is showing signs of it being her time to go (turned 15 last week)

I'm... not even sure what to do, where to go, or anything. I buried myself in artwork but I can't draw with how low I am. Games are empty and only kill the time until I can sleep again. My sleep is full of painful dreams, but I justify it as being a day closer to being better, randomly, until my next crash.

I don't know what there is for me anymore. I've loved and lost. I'm asexual and aromantic. I'm a mental dumpster fire. No one wants me and I can't blame them.",-0.07318660287081258,2.0439193017543857,2.2694098883572558,94.17435406698569,87.56140350877193,5.279106858054226,19.513556618819774,6.714681859716394,0.17756140350877206,1031,31,234,13,33,350,159,285,0.119,0.8,0.081,-0.8885,1,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,1,1,1,3,12,10,1,1,12,0,27,4,2,3,3,32,49,18,1,2,7,1,1,0,5,0,1,1,1,2,6,13,0,0,2,6,1,8,11,6,0,7,6,2,31,4,31,40,2,44,0,3,0,1,19,20,0,3,15,143,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040052657330093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802825298392519,0.0,0.1141185430314407,0.0,0.0,0.09469282470350544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014561825790397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177008468124467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842129124818262,0.0,0.1982192851791194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600266524195927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890281467916636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923816767212847,0.0,0.09203200960507417,0.0,0.12676260394678782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418924268494812,0.0,0.12730793191255876,0.0,0.06323947555074856,0.09379742730871136,0.0,0.0,0.3750717515283787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561252365217274,0.0,0.10385518880340316,0.0,0.07681013419077047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278168553805947,0.0,0.11596351888606635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230122425250403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223782753872298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31189770371968834,0.1750318761854412,0.1224426179978902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004747060247401,0.1202236831062897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831114899890405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094579430776168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030625130308105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918950693745862,0.0,0.0,0.12029617289769536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845213531021623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159260027480174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419651209251818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516314233192094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787128119630823,0.0,0.09230223190020499,0.0,0.10346177044190093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377234755389418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820264477449274
suicidewatch,macaneney,2019/02/21,Really thinking Im pretty wasted right now so bare with me. So like the main reasons I don’t just commit to it and end it all is because of fears of my parents losing their mind or not being able to deal with their only sons death but when I think about it I just feel like it’s because I’m a coward and I give myself excuses as to why I don’t just jump in front of a train.... idk does anyone else feel similarly?,4.526,3.722921822222226,5.9833333333333325,84.22500000000002,69.66666666666667,8.533333333333333,25.777777777777786,7.554174236665415,1.1360444444444444,324,7,73,3,5,111,65,90,0.152,0.745,0.103,-0.5318,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,8,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,2,18,10,8,1,0,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,10,2,11,9,2,7,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,46,14,0,0.2087504546518738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596317158241806,0.21388950977826626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545046792082256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521255254437766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826789296103443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438421858835626,0.0,0.1848909424039791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349022975643536,0.21110100424269646,0.14913136651361172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025245764960967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22548631278189196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396985550030644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353836245710416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077845113302726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876412741850088,0.0,0.0,0.2317926759401543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123742595240804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373088661087587,0.2146302347212528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827174767959406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26751772473399266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188364816267144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littytity27,2019/02/21,"NOT a suicide note **yet This is not a suicide note. When I was younger I would dream of buying a Volkswagen bus and travel like a nomad across America. But I soon learned how money works. Little after that I learned that my dad had saved no money for my future after highschool. No four year college degree=no well standing job. So I'm now deciding before I turn 16 I will kill myself. That means I have two years to do anything. Two summers to do whatever I need to do before then. I'm done with this hypnotic repeat of everyday only for me to sleep and do it again. Never known among the church or school or family. I am the older sibling, I have no fabulous origin story like my twin sister's that got sick front the other being to fat, or  my little brother who had a C section. Since 5th grade I knew that I would be a little bigger than other kids. Now I'm in my first year of high school and I'm 5’2 and everything is in my sides. I'm that weird in- between fat and skinny and I've struggled with being underweight my whole life. Not anymore. My body aches from walking to and from school everyday and the lack of food before and during school. My friends and boyfriend praise me for my looks but I look like Squidward when he found the krabby Patty secret formula. have a overbite. Often I think at night questions to myself about how life would be if I did one thing right when I was younger, asked the right questions, listened to the right people. If I am really attractive, what does my personality matter? How does god have for us that's so great that we couldn't have on Earth already? It's like the final boss but the only level is the final boss. With a world so beautiful why was everyone meant for heaven? Like Legos when forgotten put in a drawer. I am content with my situation now, but I only fear it will get worse soon. Even though my life is good right now, what do I have to show for it. Nothing. If I'm going to do anything I need to set a goal. The goal isn't  to be known for killing myself but to give people a reason to question why I did it. I want people to remember me as my happiest person. Time stuck in Amber and if there is a God, shake his hand. The world is so beautiful and full of wonders that I see everyday from the moment the sun comes up that I take for granted. I've lived so many places I can adapt to any situation to get what I want and I feel like a psychopath. I've been feeling like this and only now do I realize that even though I got help, nothing has changed. I'm not going to stop trying to find a way to stop my deadline but for now I'm a sitting rock. What hurts the most that is after four years I have finally come to terms with the fact I want to die. 

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suicidewatch,xh8ter,2019/02/21,"All I wish for is death I feel like I'm just at the end of my road. There's no bright future or any of that. I'm broke and live with my parents. I wake up early and try to do stuff to better my life but it never helps. I always just think about how I wish it could all just be over. I'm in a serious relationship but I feel like I get manipulated and blamed for everything. I'm always the one helping others when I can't even figure out how to help myself. Everyone in my family runs to me as their therapist so I'm left to deal with their problems and be constantly stressed out about them. My dad's a dick and thinks his way is the only way, he doesn't take any input from anyone, not even my mom. Which makes my mom depressed and not want to do anything or help anyone. I try to go to my mom for help with my own problems but it ends up just being her talking about how much of an asshole my dad is. I feel like I'm the backbone of this family. I would end my life right now if I didn't have the thoughts of who would find my lifeless body. I can't do it without thinking of what if my 4 year old brother walked in and saw me. I don't know what else to do. Where do I even go from here? I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up, I forget to eat all day because food just disgusts me and I can't hold much down. I just would like to talk to some people about this and don't know where else to go except here.. Sorry for wasting whoever is reading this time.",1.5032211538461515,2.742198687500004,3.2225,93.88019230769231,77.75,6.1730769230769225,21.37019230769231,6.67199483983844,0.17322115384615389,1140,29,273,10,26,380,156,320,0.145,0.753,0.102,-0.9261,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,3,1,25,13,1,1,8,0,25,8,4,5,4,63,51,23,1,11,17,7,3,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,14,14,2,1,11,1,0,6,12,7,0,1,3,6,42,6,48,41,7,38,0,2,3,1,23,17,1,5,19,186,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014490777250686,0.0,0.0,0.1227089614947415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261715182306947,0.0,0.0742455351862352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054998876470675584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979458239593283,0.0,0.100217000213772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749860844052374,0.0,0.07203542678999914,0.0,0.0,0.058186130978018384,0.0930155675655998,0.07770861709130056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232027230946838,0.1507388567693779,0.0,0.2397314061209116,0.0,0.0,0.17877358419092496,0.0,0.0,0.08621158723724551,0.0810862802484568,0.0,0.17010772770117727,0.0,0.13685781445708342,0.19336518991247106,0.0,0.0,0.08246184725842189,0.0,0.10909755962468444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713759920667987,0.0,0.15382679562396476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023716279046165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916799339049286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802714905681133,0.0,0.1274538203840093,0.17631287442420168,0.0,0.07966823327352487,0.0,0.07576428417492394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602243046247324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170029536196648,0.0,0.0,0.13264802511485704,0.0,0.06958525258256827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865710446602693,0.0,0.09467347076200076,0.0,0.061137187554953225,0.06861837400420194,0.0,0.0,0.10018155100723868,0.0,0.0,0.06254901000544641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266173988218458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024704329151888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686533734601156,0.0,0.07704963114504931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099684514994946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334971527678524,0.0,0.10328332321876776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783618773630122,0.1450350612536097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475542474604267,0.0,0.17343305052937738,0.0,0.07162668848176815,0.052609539802154916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225104837700793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053215643444722606,0.14322904480777232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075031386194452,0.08697139356551434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227469845631032,0.0,0.0,0.05810041421697279
suicidewatch,jejune_betch,2019/02/21,"I’m scared for myself I’m lonely and far away from my friends. I’ve been suicidal and depressed for months. It’s definitely been affecting my work but I’d only gotten positive feedback until today when my boss told me that the previous person in my position got a lot more done and was more impressive and successful. The last time we talked she said she’d be happy to write me a letter of recommendation in the future. This time she said she wouldn’t mind but that I might want to find someone else to. I feel like a colossal failure and a waste of space. I feel like I’m invisible to everyone and it wouldn’t really affect anything if I disappeared.
After work I came so close to jumping in front of a subway train. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself with a method that would actually work. I’m kind of shaken up and am scared that I’ll do something impulsive but I’m also so so tired and don’t know how long I want to keep doing this for.",2.7421548619447798,4.612370010204085,4.439123649459784,83.77142256902765,75.93877551020408,7.672989195678271,24.284513805522213,8.4952907291091,1.6186360144057619,766,25,154,15,17,258,114,196,0.168,0.6779999999999999,0.155,-0.4288,0,2,2,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,4,7,12,1,2,10,0,14,1,0,4,1,36,32,19,2,6,4,0,2,2,1,4,1,2,0,1,9,13,0,1,4,0,0,5,3,5,0,0,10,4,19,7,23,16,3,25,0,2,0,0,13,9,0,3,13,96,28,6,0.0,0.0,0.13985265570287958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146072239026866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793425373520562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464712785088495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391170645432435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345131921566906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343513643573865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665878931730866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971948574013687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296346658035397,0.0,0.136941557208104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492655282540315,0.2047654386533528,0.0,0.0,0.1309853366085168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072314229695417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462036755699295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525591797864104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127383034276333,0.15855442048212742,0.14923826607249555,0.07876098721350343,0.11681908979451497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003082621042404,0.0,0.0,0.12682735087698413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183944902880305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203227242601464,0.1447051113857702,0.0,0.11439093914059938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089958703969191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513524135956244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918098730620778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726466524294417,0.0,0.2869623017550644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214285016495646,0.1103292234881828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567609829693304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518942971775775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713373539180895,0.16471702386276074,0.13584381226436398,0.136941557208104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905924863898564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31300035636329643,0.0,0.0,0.10180532749759494,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alphamerica1,2019/02/21,"No love= no meaning I'm keep getting thrown into this dark place I'm so afraid of. I lost all my energy and I'm always tired now. 
Being ghosted by people you like is very painful and i can't stand pain. 

I just wanted to make someone happy and share my life with. ",-0.5198214285714293,1.7068909464285724,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,94.89285714285714,3.5142857142857147,15.928571428571427,5.148860815047168,-0.8287071428571426,207,5,45,1,8,68,45,56,0.2,0.598,0.202,0.0375,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,11,13,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,6,4,5,11,1,4,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525930402966067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888123813632085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625977279512455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192624228009933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423889265416365,0.12051643453207855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692826989597821,0.0,0.2226402649101971,0.0,0.16466224577756056,0.0,0.0,0.268709170760035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249743844566591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101833757712198,0.0,0.2577303355148956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090129790048867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835248346366965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203538602380176,0.14549951908464862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diseasedghoul,2019/02/21,"going to kill myself soon. hi there. im 14f and have nothing to live for. my parents just recently got divorced, i got my heart broken by a girl i was talking to for almost two years, all of my friends have left me, and i struggle heavily with depression. ive gone to therapy before, from about october of 2017 to about july of 2018. that helped for a while. never went on drugs or anything so all was good. i went because of the girl i was talking to as well as my sister cutting ties with me and abandoning my family so she can go have a baby with a guy 20 years older than her. i also had a problem with sleeping pills, and my addiction got so bad i tried killing myself one night around this time last year. i had a note ready and i just got ready for bed, popped about 50 of the ones i had, and waited for my death. i didnt feel anything about it. i woke up the next morning and had to go to school and function like a normal person because my parents had no idea. that fuckin wrecked me. time goes by and in the summer my parents started having severe issues and my dad would frequently get wasted and abuse me. i told nobody about this because my friends wouldnt care. i had to endure that until december came along. at this point my mom was severely depressed and i never got to see her as she never left her room (this was because of my father). on christmas, my mom didnt open presents with us or anything. no family dinner either. she then told me and my two brothers we were moving out in about three days. thats when shit really started hitting the fan. my dad was now pissed and didnt help us move at all, and i had to still keep it together because i hate showing my emotions to people. fast forward a couple weeks, my family is broke broke. my brothers college and apartment rent need to be payed, a trip that i was supposed to go on’s payment was two months due, and my dad didnt make enough money to pay the bills at his house so my mom was paying for everything (dunno why i wrote all that in past tense, its still that way). speaking of my dad’s house, we actually got evicted today. thats fun. besides the money issues, my grades are and were in the shitter. i had three F’s and all of my other grades were C’s. its still that way, and i cant help them. i dont wanna go to college, and i know for a fact that i wont be able to make it past 25 so i have no reason to do well in school. and even on top of that, my best friend of five or six years just told me she didnt wanna be my friend because apparently my depression is too annoying for her. i just need an escape. im planning on getting either a bunch of oxy’s or just plain slitting my wrists in the bathtub. im gonna leave notes for people explaining everything. if you read all of this, thank you. have a wonderful rest of your day. 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suicidewatch,JPG_Mx,2019/02/21,"My Wife is suicidal and I whatever I say it is not helping, plus I cannot convince her to go to therapy My wife has been struggling with depression for some years now however this past year it has been more difficult for her to ""keep it at bay"". I know it is not something you just ""ignore"" or think it is not there just because you are not showing signs.
Yesterday she told me she wanted to end it. I said that even tough I don't understand this feeling, I will set aside my fears and try to be with her as a companion. Today I tried to keep the conversation open, but I seem to never get it right. She's frustrated and tells me I don't understand!!. For example she says ""I don't want to go out there and pretend, everything is ok"" which I respond with ""you don't have to, if you tell our friends you feel like this and don't want to go (to where she was invited) they will understand, people are more open about this, plus they are our friends"". So... that was the wrong thing to say apparently because I got a look and then she stormed out saying ""please stop talking. I just want to lay in bed all day but life has to continue"". Which again like a dumbass I responded ""if that is what you want... you know you can do it, I can take care of everything.."" (everything= 2 kids, a dog, and a wfh job) . Again I got the ""you don't understand..."" answer. I guess I have an engineer mentality and always go for the practical side, my job is to ""fix"" things, I am trying not to ""fix this"" really hard. So I have some questions you guys might help me answer from your experience 
What do I say to reflect my concern? 
How can I help my wife? 
And she doesn't want to see a therapist,I cannot seem to convince her, and I cannot ""make her"" or ""trick"" her into going to one. How to bring this up?
Should I tell my inlaws about this?
Do you think sending her on a vacation by herself might help?

my kids know that mom ""is deeply sad"" and sometimes that happens to everyone (feelings they do understand)

And this is me trying to find a reasoning behind this,I think this depression is stronger when she's in her period. (I might get crucified by this) but can it be related?

Thanks to the mods, for the resources, they gave me strong starting points. And for everyone that responds to this thread based on your experience I thank you beforehand",3.4599722906403936,4.764491579741382,4.5083029556650285,86.35270689655174,72.85775862068967,8.751133004926109,27.26576354679803,9.23628265651192,2.106314113300493,1799,65,386,40,35,587,206,464,0.111,0.79,0.099,0.7290000000000001,4,0,1,0,0,0,84.0,2,14,4,1,17,22,2,2,15,1,50,1,0,4,2,83,97,29,1,9,15,4,4,2,3,6,1,6,1,3,32,23,0,4,22,2,0,7,16,11,0,1,9,12,77,11,53,80,5,40,1,3,2,0,69,15,0,13,19,275,109,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159735774027321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025375604240476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547664081402572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047742037722729634,0.0,0.12752068804697045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556697527956379,0.0,0.0,0.048894900192482216,0.0,0.0,0.14147415478000716,0.19959520518111745,0.14482748685626912,0.0,0.08330225881948472,0.11229258296841872,0.05288573087718282,0.0,0.0,0.06766039529221889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438794249464727,0.0,0.07735331432620587,0.0,0.21035954089644865,0.0,0.11841416113048045,0.0,0.08155036206145502,0.07329951512491513,0.06546285565059819,0.0,0.06631468896902493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847805548245104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692304819471716,0.1315992564636209,0.0,0.0,0.1220518189237804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522882772784647,0.07233283739851266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216500826427716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049414370312838685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460297167016923,0.2355965312421761,0.0,0.08670088395946808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057095079152069524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050163395734506656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066825328565053,0.05132180375298629,0.0,0.0,0.08126068726144146,0.06998053733910313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292847911625202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047424333623499015,0.07611327581135469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321964246151747,0.07041773054953072,0.2943508126296854,0.0,0.0,0.05899085747973853,0.13478490950670866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699049272824201,0.07321574117157613,0.0,0.05239751126359909,0.0,0.0,0.061890854861727226,0.0,0.0773903039932231,0.0,0.08097478961177124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565996190907002,0.059501029275379175,0.19411161908381336,0.13631036380636094,0.08465765030768246,0.08595239717477532,0.09836203755801223,0.14230276358931054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017003791255835,0.07073707739000358,0.0,0.20104103982409774,0.0,0.0,0.38532961618225736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619823536028277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093816965407177,0.0,0.09534341330585576
suicidewatch,lostman67,2019/02/21,I must be a coward. I can't keep going feeling this way but I seem to be to much of a coward to take the pills even when I'm drinking to make sure they work. It is making things worse to realize that I am such a coward to be afraid of something that is my only release. ,2.476500000000001,2.70819165,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,74.16666666666666,6.666666666666668,23.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.3658333333333332,209,5,49,1,4,72,42,60,0.242,0.711,0.047,-0.9078,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,2,2,9,16,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,8,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29297020182884803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975298526943813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121643419595854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699657386048699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26582303718400824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992569061581353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984745380353896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274526860976705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722578757240129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302351285977409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28186556674056273,0.0,0.2248599349541964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868573934159206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373841659869153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772314720152372,0.0,0.3047731562862945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayi1313,2019/02/21,"My fiance of ten years killed herself Its been a few weeks. I have so much guilt cause it happened when we were drunk and fighting. I probably said some horrible things to her then I left, she probably thought I was leaving forever but I was an angry dumb drunk. I left for an hour, maybe less. I came home to find her dead. 

I never imagined a future without her. We had so many plans together. I wanted to have kids with her, I wanted to move somewhere nice that she would've liked to live. We were going to save up some money and try to get out of our funk of hopelessness. We even started working out together. We actually had plans for the week.

I feel like I'm at 50% responsible for this happening, and I'm ashamed she ever met me. I feel like I'm a bad person and she deserved so much more love and help. I was the one she counted on and I abandoned her when she needed me the most. What's sad is this wasn't first time and I guess we were too dumb, especially me, to see where this was going if we kept drinking. 

I feel like I can't live without her, she really was my one true love. There's not a day that goes by that I don't contemplate suicide and it's scaring me, because I don't want to do what she did to everyone else. But I really feel like I'm going to do it at some point, I just can't accept her being gone. I even have help and support, therapy, friends, etc. I just can't be without this woman. I want her back. I miss her. I loved her, more than I ever knew I guess. I don't want to, but I really want to kill myself.

Thanks for reading this if you did, I just feel like I'm at the end, or I will be soon. Its very out of character for me to even post something online. I'm just desperate for help. But what sucks is the fact that I'm already getting it, and I'm so grateful for it too. Without everyone I would be dead already. Anyways thanks for listening. ",0.9763927738927762,2.9189914217171733,2.881616161616161,92.48793706293706,81.75252525252526,6.1827505827505815,22.275058275058274,7.321109707123232,0.7042382284382285,1457,48,329,21,39,487,181,396,0.188,0.62,0.192,0.8414,0,0,2,0,2,4,48.0,8,1,0,4,22,31,6,3,11,0,33,6,0,1,5,71,80,24,5,10,16,0,5,6,1,2,0,2,1,3,20,22,3,2,10,4,1,6,13,14,0,4,21,8,69,17,41,53,11,37,0,4,1,3,42,12,3,9,24,231,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.07704807162307056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425621175840614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060711033664345285,0.06592359743690424,0.04812984850532045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903027606825236,0.0,0.08110788255914797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091903414746898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734522014911026,0.0,0.0,0.06595624134289009,0.0,0.06993013311656107,0.0,0.08805498840413964,0.15644584173369527,0.142837488004288,0.0,0.15088855989064445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960849806634146,0.2820250731743548,0.0,0.0,0.07216285987465314,0.06715854313409117,0.0,0.0,0.06099994708825185,0.0,0.08250079471829427,0.0,0.13461475660121555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395427043403006,0.0,0.13963816968276072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876434113466778,0.0,0.07919766634674884,0.0,0.07775414607274812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470261517829533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836012731702519,0.17156829870982426,0.0,0.0,0.2314386896639321,0.0,0.13943630285559472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213778192896718,0.0,0.0,0.08004733444628923,0.07932027253785208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391599563134466,0.1160810867966007,0.05854366174248993,0.060894474213289876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070030431123502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893990672100818,0.0,0.0,0.07463739589673064,0.0,0.07561645734206435,0.0,0.1702523202529476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897573187681056,0.0,0.15174056523646698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510368215246384,0.0,0.07904709377031209,0.0,0.06291640721001766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078292808035849,0.0,0.0,0.05588430642128546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863632612682322,0.08959647854950188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538114417360848,0.09029119812389334,0.0,0.05245377227422513,0.0,0.0,0.062680947080862,0.04603892557627804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053604831612435726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514562047601533,0.2794159831763036,0.0,0.12666485942788722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044367641827494,0.0,0.05747971857457625,0.0,0.0,0.11217383216961456,0.0,0.0,0.05084402289290833
suicidewatch,Justanotherdirtbag42,2019/02/21,"There's something so calming about having a plan I can't control or stop my bad thoughts, and as many times as I've asked for professional help, I'm told the only available options are appointments 3-5 months out or to be inpatient at our only psych ward. I've been there. Not only do I think it was awful but doctors I've spoken with agree it's a horrible facility and a traumatizing experience. And by time the appointment comes up 3 months later I don't go because I usually have a panic attack the day of. I do not have any real support system and I am tired of asking for help, i already feel like a burden to the world. But putting together a plan is honestly the most at peace I have felt in so long. 


TL;DR putting together a plan is honestly the most at peace I have felt in so long.",3.5785185185185178,4.801042098765431,5.335493827160494,80.85472222222225,72.45679012345678,8.609876543209879,28.93209876543209,9.075114841892004,2.393187654320988,628,25,126,13,12,215,98,162,0.161,0.635,0.203,0.7734,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,4,6,9,1,1,13,1,16,2,0,1,0,24,28,13,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,6,3,11,5,18,21,2,23,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,5,11,77,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300994937253782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045297462729484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27619186944216223,0.16804999679541086,0.0,0.0,0.1233379536052829,0.09004722516334318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724555807508442,0.0,0.0,0.1656777520619375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952655758405357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119513439110702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449607296853406,0.0,0.0,0.07469041323871886,0.10552942115756772,0.2836639563131517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395126707174458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198023871090901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216731559478946,0.0,0.0,0.2614507020914533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976237350536514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358134199319452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33703747626153824,0.0,0.17331467457237418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29699380183084034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681348698388454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137201587146964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349845563584705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762808378459335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946514180770651,0.0,0.11727120551019485,0.17227054006568207,0.16977955164065764,0.0,0.14115041444129506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626899717437644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HnaPJMuladT,2019/02/21,"What even is the purpose of this all? Here I go again, on my third throwaway (probably), though the first post on here. I'm slightly drunk atm, so apologies for spelling mistakes. 

Here is some information about me: I don't actually live a bad life. I currently go to university, and have financial security through a contract with my parents - I probably have more money at my disposal than most people my age. Yet, I don't really know why I continue living. I have just applied for a masters, but I have terrible anxiety attacks that I won't get accepted because I missed some formalities. While that probably sounds like a first world problem, it affects me more than I'd like to admit. 

Whenever I face the possibility of failing, I think about killing myself. I use those razors with ""one-time-use"" blades, and I think about slitting my wrists almost daily. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is the fear of not succeeding. 

As I said, I don't really have a bad life, but I don't know what to do with it, and I have like one plan how to continue. If that plan fails, I don't know what to do, and even that plan is like an ""emergence solution"" that gives me a perspective for the next 3 years. But I'm in my mid twenties, I probably will live for another 60 years or so, and I have no idea what to do with that time.

My ""friendships"" are mostly superficial, with no personal connection underneath, I have no vision or plan on how to continue my live, and I wish to get hit by bus like every single day.

On Monday, I will meet my therapist, and like all those months prior, I probably won't be able to tell her that I wish for nothing more than to just never wake up again from my sleep. I've been seeing her for over a year now, but somehow I'm neither able to tell her how regular my suicidal thoughts are, nor that therapy is having no effect.


Sorry if this is hard to understand, English is not my first language and I don't really know how to phrase my thoughts in English. ",8.162696788860472,6.2211838900255785,8.544582267689687,72.49180377948284,63.04092071611254,12.474055129298096,37.83475419153169,11.319583603955671,4.10196834327934,1555,63,308,37,18,519,186,391,0.159,0.74,0.1,-0.9784,3,0,0,0,0,1,55.0,0,0,0,12,22,20,2,1,14,0,34,7,4,7,3,59,60,26,2,6,12,1,1,6,0,4,2,2,0,1,21,13,1,2,14,1,2,2,17,11,0,5,4,4,48,9,48,50,11,38,0,3,1,0,13,12,0,10,29,225,69,3,0.1735442560327492,0.0,0.08467707991403325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688975200047626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098814202638536,0.06638044042676787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871582244975267,0.0,0.0,0.14490220483892835,0.05289548384900791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596084409151612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462434437477118,0.0,0.07310926030498946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976427681059982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142498328949828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066971100209152,0.08323973195528361,0.09862920003236106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773078291977041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795517059076406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712705431940534,0.09600050328977697,0.0,0.19075076908242536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225794403493186,0.2543548723158934,0.0,0.3064855151101573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692606847282801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692401445823869,0.0,0.09228314255374392,0.0,0.0,0.08326019708894553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759807924843857,0.06599411345829377,0.0,0.0,0.09635017937316173,0.0,0.0,0.060156867936722126,0.07576607522689564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782253658665126,0.08310371260807545,0.0,0.4677751507570401,0.08302920767980837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667653414038402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254016436094794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914615160376425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683479380948357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713429317557623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491462436364076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168532904534174,0.0,0.09923149065266676,0.10074912858819347,0.057647546175926635,0.11120015185585563,0.08525317520993038,0.1377747542084926,0.10119505129863396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033284544850036,0.10437618603337163,0.07494325842043878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829834899364027,0.0,0.19956732976746366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676352165197314
suicidewatch,Kylar_Stern,2019/02/21,"I have a bag an an inert gas. I dont want to go. I don't know where else to post but I'm sitting here ready. I dont have anyone to help me, I'm poor, and I'm done I've had 2 posts removed, maybe because I was all set up. I just wanted one person to encourage me either way. I'm hurting. I want to die. Ive come close and I've felt my friends waiting for me. I dont know what to do or who to talk to to, but I've had 3 lost removed from this sub after asking for help on other places. Please just talk to me. I want to die and I'm so lost.",-2.04121978021978,-0.5786698692307671,1.283736263736266,102.39769230769232,90.0,4.021978021978023,15.439560439560445,4.65589566412798,-1.2681208791208791,407,8,115,1,14,146,72,130,0.201,0.643,0.156,-0.6342,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,20,30,7,2,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,1,4,4,3,0,1,7,1,15,2,17,23,2,15,0,3,0,0,9,5,0,1,1,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026980826499768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406123887235155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741634999464283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352787351056956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29765666472211744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467497349651841,0.5041972001991036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979372586065495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768812776270842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079180362954716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149849516767603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223828375805502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351449397512718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761965652356288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130798075203049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440662898631986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717270838871493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252128398836637,0.14982426302701007,0.15741201230703067,0.0,0.0,0.2746783921265894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305217213446155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33832817039703056,0.1138256007555931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hackthatshityo,2019/02/21,"Health Issues I don’t know how to stay positive. 

My health has been deteriorating for 2 years. Buzzing/Tingling sensations on limbs daily which made me feel irritated and like I was going insane. Then started getting limb pain off and on. Extreme fatigue. Now photophobia. Eyes are super dry and have trouble with light. Worried I will lose my vision in a few years. 

Gone to every doc. Family doc, functional medicine doctors, neurologist, psychologist, Opthamologist etc. 

Basically one thinks it’s mold. Potentially a rare blood disorder. Another thinks it’s H Pylori. 

But the shitty part is my life other than health is really good. Loving wife, family, great job, healthy daughter ... but sometimes my health symptoms make me not enjoy life and I start to get suicidal thoughts. I’ve had them before when I was addicted to drugs over 15 years ago. ",4.321651651651653,7.616274648648647,4.918018018018022,74.44755255255257,79.54054054054055,8.153753753753753,28.492492492492488,8.841846274778883,3.1401609609609604,680,30,106,18,18,217,117,148,0.16699999999999998,0.726,0.107,-0.861,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,3,10,0,0,3,0,11,15,2,3,0,16,25,9,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,12,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,7,3,12,6,12,17,3,17,0,2,1,1,4,5,0,0,10,57,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415621690346444,0.0,0.0,0.11510947768774125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616530138748595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049786165605742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488261857933708,0.13291308238703034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059169256637486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144823726567084,0.0,0.0,0.10940925094127377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448332933573371,0.0,0.06565907751131367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568876394613974,0.0,0.07380013729766345,0.10891702225535653,0.0,0.14316665956551372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5521232727500246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355358895571712,0.12886200790743887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136544219814703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344221639600167,0.06344106509729887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527560868263167,0.0,0.0,0.11720007809962273,0.1228728536295874,0.08667986481678629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799376241142283,0.0,0.1381759020171823,0.0,0.0,0.14062135544973178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318905616901144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843086954331076,0.0,0.1838254404259713,0.1384091805345289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420413489573987,0.0,0.0,0.13497006833311792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641291771180386,0.0,0.1030911309571856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187503555921884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086895140628784
suicidewatch,thefalseslimshady__,2019/02/21,"When is it ok to die? Hey I’m a 25 yo m. I suffer from major depression, anxiety and PTSD. I was sexually assaulted as a child by my babysitter for months. I was beat by my parents till I was like 15/16 when it stopped hurting so they gave up. My depression has always gotten in the way of me achieving anything. I dropped out of school, i don’t have a job and I’m currently coach surfing at a friends house. He is helping me out because like many people they say you’ll learn to live with your condition, and life will be good or at least bearable. I have tried many things to get out of my state. I’ve taken pills, have done illegal drugs, gone to therapy tried to lose myself in work, trusted my ex to help me and none of that worked. My existence is pain.. physically and mentally. People don’t understand that when you are depressed enough, your body hurts as well. It’s fucking exhausting. Anyways I recently made myself a manifesto. I will try one more thing. I will try to redirect my life into a new career path. Do therapy and take pills again. Do all the things I have to to get better. But if that doesn’t work, I want to die. I don’t want anyone to stop me. It will be the final; and only, solution. I’ve brought this up and everyone is unhappy about it. I feel like they selfishly want me to live a shit life so that they don’t feel sad or responsible or w.e. I know they will be sad because they love me, and I love them but the pain of living is way stronger emotion than my love. So back to my question.. when is it ok to die? Is it selfish to suicide? Is it selfish to stop someone? What do you guys think. ",1.0847858099062897,3.3414546807228898,2.827751004016065,91.21480589022758,83.51807228915663,6.459973226238287,23.680053547523432,7.6953281115453125,1.1937627844712178,1262,48,273,23,36,417,171,332,0.187,0.696,0.117,-0.9822,3,0,1,0,0,2,45.0,0,5,7,7,12,31,3,0,11,2,35,15,2,1,1,35,58,25,4,4,6,2,2,3,1,6,9,1,0,2,17,14,0,3,7,1,0,2,6,18,1,1,10,3,45,13,41,39,6,31,0,9,0,4,27,10,2,5,18,180,62,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737080579042576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677656658108498,0.0,0.0,0.061939213987242815,0.0,0.07289616794638562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811477192412628,0.0,0.10799861098751087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834436461337567,0.0,0.09839561746496084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22888893136104785,0.0,0.27580515266709804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065104834505508,0.0,0.0,0.1027280252869996,0.0,0.0,0.09964382452952662,0.0,0.09152980158823662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464474431232656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958033819734584,0.0632836319090314,0.0,0.09703822240719516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843891847191881,0.0818934512849317,0.09256180428197916,0.0,0.0,0.07429912251966601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771098474649096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875048332357305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221275780638996,0.1896596245070903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790484641783443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048682837849888964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877061376044273,0.1298313717407152,0.0,0.2346609354272141,0.0,0.0,0.09910159151545354,0.0,0.0,0.2398485410743969,0.0838192691750414,0.0,0.17961828682041914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892707148069649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070601497899384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555390390332415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060026056524430486,0.06737127698078144,0.18851687386697896,0.0,0.09836081252609767,0.0,0.0,0.12282443992894818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354865408603177,0.0,0.09923310617293386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874649138292457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044466690586296,0.0,0.08965061048539053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092906015664713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505599238028868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221777791083524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689530039025078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660330647040362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260450187580964,0.0,0.1765516012182742,0.056760336933083626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405678611567833,0.0,0.0,0.0922179090263725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567454449156155,0.14062594442774587,0.0,0.0,0.0796466534584643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193468189453818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamieluke97,2019/02/21,I'm smoking DMT tomorrow and killing myself. Everything in life is based on being a extrovert. I can't cope anymore. I can't talk to people I don't know without coming across as weird because of my anxiety. I can't do anything because my social skills are so inadequate. I feel like everyone hates me and avoids me I can't carry on anymore. ,3.1459313725490183,5.194426044117648,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,75.32352941176471,8.062745098039215,31.92156862745098,8.841846274778883,3.0412568627450978,273,14,49,6,6,94,48,68,0.238,0.72,0.041,-0.9027,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,1,1,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,14,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,1,11,1,8,13,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898006625954708,0.0,0.4921096204363495,0.0,0.0,0.20417036874563552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30248663064914705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372163360604796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707622973183504,0.2229819705253962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545001470833614,0.17724721101845853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24495363428504766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27449289303827434,0.0,0.13635274988263138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524483755534698,0.12121222001934615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172005689035077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529131576585402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941846915722167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23916564747027266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marles216,2019/02/21,"So depressed and hopeless-money would fix everything right now. When I picture the future, I see nothing. I’ve been mentally ill for at least 2/3 of my life, and I’ve tried to kill myself before. But I’ve never been in such a hopeless spot financially, there’s no way out of this. I feel like my life is going to end soon, either by suicide or something like a car accident. It’s a weird and scary feeling. ",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707385,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,71.92682926829268,7.417886178861789,28.300813008130078,7.793537801064563,1.7397008130081295,320,12,63,4,6,106,63,82,0.309,0.622,0.07,-0.9729,0,0,1,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,11,8,7,2,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,3,6,2,9,5,2,13,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,1,8,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032232445102647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128860042966577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891806882256976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213925368265816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499518017185553,0.17657733977415274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404716452302367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734555007162395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349165067781565,0.24150824417662065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24908787414429864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063170771488389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371649950205514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110806847550648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696142063269684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028250969512234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703623964585724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781129526227562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619097720223805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558152413400333,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cervidaerin,2019/02/21,"No quality of life My mom and me are living paycheck to paycheck, I can’t get a job bc I’m mentally fucked up, I tried to get disability but of course I got rejected while a friend of mine with the same problems got approved. 

We are living in a shitty house that’s falling apart that is NOT worth $700 rent per month, I wish we could move but there’s no way because my moms credit score is shit(She let a car get repossessed a while back). Tbh I feel like she doesn’t want to get out of this hell hole, like she’s not even trying. We have multiple animals and I honestly feel like if we got rid of them all we could maybe rent a small place somewhere, but she refuses to even think about that.  

I know this is gonna sound petty but I see other people all the time getting things they want(a house for example) and I can’t help but be jealous and feel it’s unfair. My brother married someone with wealth and bought TWO houses.. one for them and one for her mother.  

I feel like there’s no quality of life for me and honestly the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my pets.",3.1239804800844087,4.408385650224215,4.077451859667633,89.19323397520444,73.66367713004485,7.399525191242418,25.225270377209178,7.928766900206844,1.231768346082828,852,27,184,12,17,275,131,223,0.185,0.643,0.172,-0.5186,3,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,5,0,3,1,6,15,4,0,9,0,14,3,0,0,2,39,36,15,1,6,8,4,4,4,1,1,2,1,3,0,9,15,0,2,6,0,6,3,8,6,0,3,4,6,31,9,21,27,3,15,1,1,1,1,19,6,2,1,9,115,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654952573293102,0.0,0.06861381383759424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797355030012647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486859152028411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22764917409140395,0.24123262136817195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696140012062863,0.10405730165607754,0.2940324115932376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700667838264028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544470694007553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38962762975344745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169563594170842,0.100045995647187,0.12452784589026218,0.0,0.06185848397076785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150973452624514,0.15900493366225973,0.21995901587850566,0.0,0.19878010888146855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130788187055646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134311663993972,0.0,0.0,0.2636512239448422,0.08984206934898184,0.1196304721717328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254331995986375,0.08560480944138993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803297819234165,0.0,0.1175982993149453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770202263557084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969350176037254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155383305205116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095369335614373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955598148227675,0.07212209779505582,0.0,0.0,0.06563299837572521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283787717074024,0.0,0.10995201227021326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277828518954607,0.08934265249779035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943520520407673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lxttie,2019/02/21,"Don’t know why I’m posting this Hi. 

Does anyone else go through stages of obsessing over ending it, but can never go through with it? I feel that a lot. I cut myself for the first time tonight and I don’t even know why because I’ve done such a shit job I would never die from this lol. And now I’ve got to clean up all this mess and wear long sleeves and a watch for the foreseeable future so that no one apart from me knows what a useless twat I am. I’m stuck between laughing at myself for being so horrendously useless or trying again. I’ve spent all night researching ways to die and I make some bullshit plan for the weekend which I’ve done 100 times and never go through with. 

I so wish I had someone in my life I could tell that I was sad. Everyone thinks I’m so happy it’s weird. Today someone at work said ‘how are you always such a smiley happy ray of sunshine?’. And it was like a punch in the gut. I don’t know why. I have to pretend to be that person but then when I’m alone all I ever think about is ending it. I don’t know why I’m like this. 

This is so fucked up but I always think about my parents dying in a car crash or something like that. Because if they died then they couldn’t be sad if I killed myself because they’d be dead. And no one would think bad of my parents for me killing my self, no one would judge them. 

This is all a rambling load of shit but it’s kept me occupied for 5 minutes so there’s that ",1.6050574425574418,3.0637544058441577,2.860519480519482,95.65336163836164,77.99350649350649,5.517682317682318,21.91108891108891,5.873414542411696,0.006423676323676464,1119,31,262,6,26,361,154,308,0.281,0.5870000000000001,0.132,-0.996,3,1,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,1,4,3,17,20,6,1,12,1,26,6,4,2,8,47,52,26,7,8,8,2,1,3,0,3,1,1,1,2,20,10,0,1,10,2,1,4,11,14,0,4,10,3,31,6,32,32,6,36,0,4,1,1,12,9,3,6,23,169,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093404812525634,0.0,0.0,0.1500828529632488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305968580519064,0.09240553721476133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530099085705626,0.16492843639423954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200565458702805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743925729984667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892179773548062,0.1845818265542631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533827824066018,0.0,0.15975488350686026,0.0,0.0,0.059566565721723815,0.08157780215612627,0.0,0.08617595603482107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04560041706543784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671160311531232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337489249692621,0.0,0.0,0.15376321909244706,0.0,0.07212945402888933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920079402924162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949503293670924,0.0,0.19955343063363026,0.0,0.2478175182810143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370057189445437,0.13218000330634894,0.0,0.0,0.07981118687425746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667234999275736,0.0,0.0,0.0601994139521706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866947910581984,0.0,0.0,0.08463283114497121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833357587651088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002802920526724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787463592327999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863726250438247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578690943719705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408297706391737,0.0,0.1851479085679205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282748981195052,0.06942907986817412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882596119423771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311484943244009,0.0,0.0,0.10517559261555996,0.0,0.08548515609112374,0.0,0.0,0.06122992512666519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158492416047045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255129633532669,0.0,0.10370868884218457,0.0,0.0,0.06565600075136903,0.0,0.0,0.19219523142732567,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayjob5699,2019/02/21,"Am I useless?(21F) I got an internship working on a T.V set as a production assistant. My dad used to work in production and knows the owner of the company from college. I understood that the days were long and I was going to be on my feet all day. I was prepared, eager , and understood that I would get a lot of stress.


On the first day they had one production assistant, not even my supervisor show me around and explain things for ten minutes. One of my supervisors Meg is a woman, as soon as she meets me she takes a condescending tone with me and replies to me with “yeah girl” passive aggressively. She also implies that I’m useless a lot.


I try to always keep a positive attitude, don’t complain, am punctual,and try to be a team player. I respect my coworkers boundaries, I try to make conversation about where they’re from or where they went to school. I try ask if they need any help or what needs to be done during down time. I walk around set checking trash/areas during down time. I ask other departments if they need help sometimes. I feel like I’m doing the same amount of work as my coworkers, but my supervisor nitpicks me a lot.


On my third day in I had only done one run. Usually what they mean by “runs” is going out to buy stuff needed on set or get coffee/lunch for the higher ups. When asked to get lunch by my other supervisor Matt Meg rolled her eyes and gave three names of other people she’d rather go on the run. Finally she lets me go but is passive aggressive. It takes 30 minutes to get to the restaurant as soon as I get there at 30 minutes she texts me asking if I have gotten the food. I say no she says hurry up.


I get the food, get back as fast as I can while she’s constantly calling and texting me checking where I am. When I get back she grabs the food quickly in a condescending tone says “thanks girl”.she told me to ask questions, that they want me to learn. But whenever I ask questions I get a “just figure it OUT” or her rolling her eyes at me, then explaining to me like I’m five. I ask for feedback from my other supervisors and coworkers, they say I’m doing a good job. I always take criticism seriously and want to do the best job. 


She constantly whispers about me to my supervisor Matt. Sometimes I get confused about names of places on set or where stuff is. If I don’t know where stuff is immediately she’ll whisper to him “OH “MY GOD SHES SO SLOW SHE DOESNT KNOW WHERE STUFF IS”. I’ve never worked on a set before and I explained this to them. My supervisor Matt has a dog in the office that I have to walk sometimes. The dog is huge,it yanked me forward, and I got scraped up bad.


When Meg saw she was annoyed and told me to go to the medic then get back to work. Every time I enter a room I feel like Matt and Meg give me dirty looks and ignore me. I’m a reserved person, I like to keep to myself. I do try to take interest in my coworkers and learn a little bit about them but I feel guarded. On my last day of shooting I felt so uncomfortable. They said bye and thank you to me in a condescending tone.


I sent an email to the owner of the company thanking them for the opportunity and educational experience. Only a couple of paragraphs.The owner responded right away saying that I was a good team player and thanks for the help on set. My supervisors ignored my email.


What did I do wrong? Am I a bad employee? What could I improve on in my next job? Did I mess up?


Tl;dr: I feel like one of my supervisors nitpicks everything I do, but I don’t know if it’s maybe because I’m not good enough.",2.5944756377378866,4.413888980474201,4.176228235929276,85.718773451208,76.21059972105995,7.4152067305529314,25.093107481891394,8.259297600419973,1.5174294956584342,2777,97,580,50,62,927,282,717,0.077,0.809,0.114,0.9737,4,0,0,1,0,0,71.0,0,1,11,10,28,31,3,2,42,1,45,9,3,2,2,87,119,50,0,14,19,1,6,5,0,2,2,8,1,3,23,24,4,5,20,3,3,15,8,14,0,9,24,18,113,17,93,87,9,93,0,1,4,0,75,42,0,16,38,391,136,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0431951308261466,0.08988827153934617,0.0,0.0,0.03673150363468479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616816733053166,0.3534718551515162,0.0,0.05074811259561033,0.12460074153309418,0.0901991903765097,0.03292655086275458,0.0,0.04596210012127805,0.0,0.056684563403544726,0.0,0.05896950947411433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055154530455706466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674030801615992,0.0,0.04312593813413232,0.059765677463244724,0.0,0.17417343081327574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055054604139863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581110052982855,0.0,0.035675865220737436,0.0,0.04550928742503127,0.0,0.048544474036590984,0.0528362455082463,0.0,0.0,0.1092447962057126,0.11576325134812285,0.0518620960753235,0.05916990851097693,0.0,0.04594444518412947,0.19594253063877806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31042205280681834,0.0518153359907135,0.15348755390386895,0.13591362783275374,0.08640016926279041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861372549270512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080225681759008,0.09602059352331516,0.0,0.0,0.11873915206505545,0.04402877667598015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523317217029092,0.0,0.1319430322949929,0.0541364116728515,0.0,0.04780086129750941,0.04535831850666862,0.0,0.0,0.13776280660249193,0.0,0.0,0.03605489342055135,0.0,0.05426451711927641,0.058837291251119736,0.0,0.054413617116667326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020335953003512,0.04165907570274071,0.0,0.05744470729759042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464056609743473,0.08216045587671326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037446640577419386,0.047163110120155546,0.056433335609824616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210165163346436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612782590580041,0.05137986690525092,0.21477127221144832,0.0,0.05466524724777379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026425478674916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618730758714074,0.0,0.2473333139487171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244780469474596,0.0,0.0,0.198916048430471,0.0,0.0,0.035884629899462436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448833136175268,0.0,0.0,0.1032257527529489,0.0,0.18336045815531168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665092046884491,0.05948900279563354,0.0,0.0637179412750774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500716982865346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661487995473206,0.0,0.0,0.03837013314092,0.05905604102727704,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,57617465726d656c6f6e,2019/02/21,"There is no such thing as a good day. So my day started great; I finally made an appointment with my former therapist and called a tattoo artist to finally get my semicolon tattoo I plan to get for a year now.

But as soon I got home my parents made some racist comments about others which they know makes me furious. Later I got told that my drunk brother didn't only appear on a birthday party I left earlier; he even said some shit about it being sad that I'm still not together with my crush (I told no one I have a crush on her but it's pretty obvious imo). So for the next weeks we are going to get some stupid comments because of this. I'm just filled with anger right now.

Probably not going to kill myself but wanted to write it down somewhere.",3.3095175438596485,4.841196881578952,4.332894736842107,86.55859649122809,73.60526315789474,7.435087719298244,24.508771929824558,8.07648339933343,1.3429324561403506,594,18,120,9,12,193,102,152,0.162,0.742,0.097,-0.7645,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,1,12,8,5,0,7,0,5,2,1,3,1,22,24,8,1,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,9,5,1,0,1,2,0,4,5,6,0,1,8,1,18,2,18,15,3,23,0,1,0,0,13,5,1,4,14,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957246466482848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034621910236954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254402217366646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371750161022562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440395933381261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461266657136391,0.0,0.1784886843884658,0.13171016153707976,0.2511840887163212,0.17312724372769525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751490731522327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173731547322707,0.0,0.08630013679630141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061465265395348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971730784584318,0.10481941904604072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700426141798333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640827688340457,0.11942915976900495,0.0,0.0,0.17436435407836334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975699160722293,0.16930598893805432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410362518356236,0.14937245096948448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119007594574045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114735764794004,0.0,0.12540516803571947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823251066529059,0.10432442594879032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000997203887694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262095867764207,0.0,0.12596080486466554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112282246354742
suicidewatch,jamakiss,2019/02/21,"White knuckling it every day Every day I wake up angry and depressed. And go through the entire day that way. 

There is nothing I can do.

I can't end my life b/c of my parents. 

But I can't fix my problems. 

So I'm stuck.

I go through this cycle all day every day.

I hate my life, I hate living. 

This has been going on for years and years. 

I have zero hope this will change. 

​",-1.4465196998123844,0.5182411585365898,0.8285365853658568,100.35708255159477,100.82926829268291,2.523076923076923,16.063789868667918,3.1291,-1.2268172607879926,293,8,67,0,13,97,54,82,0.193,0.746,0.061,-0.9026,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,9,3,1,0,1,7,17,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,2,1,12,1,6,14,1,14,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,8,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242995537290454,0.19337457311328565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683508073138841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131661251542894,0.0,0.13706850499788695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095230219418078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022512143911228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713316707208882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142389446989253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806360701098596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248129650252277,0.0,0.0,0.14052502848937531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270074429128952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670801436085554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227710543464634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263192666330085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337457311328565,0.20496406227694847
suicidewatch,alicialoveme,2019/02/21,It is painful. Life is painful. Family is painful. I thought I am the victim. But why am I the one at fault? I am screaming inside. ,-1.91,-0.8163014444444414,0.15018518518518675,102.00083333333336,119.0,3.2814814814814817,23.01851851851852,5.46131890053228,0.21036296296296264,99,5,23,1,6,32,17,27,0.486,0.514,0.0,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567496002769165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237055176496734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455303211578286,0.0,0.8694064550862061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162173804256385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457556757522966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Globt,2019/02/21,"I can't handle this anymore. Okay, I've never posted on here, but I need to hear other people's input. I really don't know what's wrong with me; I have plenty of friends, I socialize often, I just can't be happy, ever. I just have so much anxiety about my friends and how they act towards me. For example, my best friend, I'll call her A, has been really helpful with my mental state. Unfortunately, I'm good at screwing that up. We will constantly talk to each other, until we don't. This is usually just that we get busy, but I always get butthurt that she doesn't care anymore and I will ignore her. I don't know why I do this. There have been countless friends that I've put a space in our friendship, because of how I think people think of me. I've even gotten as bad as developing an eating disorder. Sometimes, I just feel so disgusted by the thought of eating and getting fatter.

Sorry for venting, I just needed to get that off my chest. I guess I'm asking if anyone else has experienced something similar, or knows what I could do to help myself.",3.612877358490569,4.958629957547172,5.1624056603773605,81.65040094339625,72.5377358490566,7.752830188679246,26.45754716981132,8.278499904357787,1.7566264150943396,829,28,161,13,16,280,127,212,0.145,0.675,0.18,0.8838,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,4,0,1,1,15,14,2,0,4,1,20,4,1,2,2,35,40,14,0,4,9,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,12,9,2,1,7,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,4,3,32,9,23,32,3,16,0,0,0,1,19,7,1,4,5,116,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401676262531566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563086282845168,0.0,0.24794891105734726,0.0874085778637442,0.1280855825959845,0.0,0.0,0.11686570902294745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437655117533602,0.07620378424258302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311883002107853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764725817674102,0.0,0.12745410061925008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508935815289194,0.0,0.09980880470993464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432701255142406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25582901192675306,0.1044282361327135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256667840128308,0.11307699333842765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320785704510191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863238261560928,0.0,0.2612463141187555,0.0,0.0,0.10485087262014173,0.0,0.0,0.1377105279145581,0.0,0.0,0.13307345878121496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089322652129752,0.0,0.16758060362347588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610356584633854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597877376622552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189534527534264,0.1853838608156974,0.09641396178510954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332976849385653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972321499923635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256676791264134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016679397123096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743002662273945,0.0,0.09623735126770767,0.12363621832598765,0.13993634581047976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047678447824962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020029997182875,0.0,0.09924247667105698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767877336258685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280037649894264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667674538465954,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bunnite,2019/02/21,"Hey Reddit, should I kill my self? It would make the world a better place ",0.218,2.597659133333337,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,91.0,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.455,57,0,13,0,2,17,15,15,0.253,0.591,0.156,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902412769490973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881671276083885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945313934160637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610023049687839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603099683558962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134445204908953,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zBrokenShell,2019/02/21,"I'm afraid of failing on suicide I was thinking too much, and, am I gonna survive on a 5 meter fall on concrete, landing on my head? That's my biggest fear of all, and I know no one will answer me, but I just wanted to say...",2.917333333333332,2.4154526000000023,5.07,88.39833333333334,73.0,6.666666666666668,30.66666666666667,3.1291,1.1114666666666664,170,7,40,0,3,60,40,50,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,7,0,7,5,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516139185645557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118859199678763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056344767131011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950277074874067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719552631250631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31915802958577155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389958034722437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571595280363197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367180253813713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,why420s,2019/02/21,"I hate myself I hate myself, i feel like nobody cares about me, I'm worthless, everybody hates me, I'm ugly, I'm almost 18 and I've never even been in a relationship with someone because I'm too pathetic, i have severe anxiety, so i can't make new friends, because I'm too scared to talk to people, and my life is shit, it has always been shit, i really want to kill myself",1.0773076923076914,3.1763530769230783,3.794551282051284,85.22336538461539,82.33333333333333,6.464102564102564,21.28846153846154,7.6454224807358475,1.0186615384615387,292,9,59,5,8,103,52,78,0.433,0.494,0.073,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,6,1,1,0,6,3,2,1,1,8,18,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,1,12,3,6,16,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,3,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417184199461994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303827515848406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070022878814256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242349291919963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875212728058764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147909364968353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299675527771288,0.13139428915224668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420980871624562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5447562497689981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348302436393054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299099191794212,0.08985525580060674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276971412647295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418523903299993,0.17763352147259776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750872135614427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782547960714848,0.0,0.0,0.1974639615822222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413853382958004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778010264297328,0.3775876593094037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583695922510812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782995934426102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084822709614464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Acamus81,2019/02/21,Tired. If I had a gun right now I’d blow my brains out.  Nothing in my life is going right.  I’m really confused as to why I was put on this earth to stress and struggle.  I’m ready to leave.  I wish I could die in my sleep but the universe isn’t that kind.  The only reason I haven’t gotten a cpl and bought a gun to kill myself is because of my mom.  It would destroy her if I killed myself.  But I hate my existence.  I have headaches everyday.  My life is fucking pointless.  Why can’t I just die in my sleep.,-0.5857762237762252,1.4423555272727278,1.6554545454545462,98.26472027972031,89.18181818181819,4.475524475524477,18.46153846153846,5.873414542411696,-0.40013986013986,388,11,93,3,13,130,68,110,0.341,0.595,0.064,-0.9886,0,0,0,2,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,5,3,5,0,11,7,3,1,0,13,19,7,4,5,5,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,8,0,0,4,0,19,1,11,13,0,11,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,3,2,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774394526561034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789964405591218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802128452752495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328225983620429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823503648453315,0.0,0.0,0.09112693965587806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583060684089612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354792782151779,0.16697314228882262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697806771194206,0.0,0.0,0.2265107951823313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877924382943716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385396927829514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194850191999765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118956390783146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272018967887432,0.16485988375699145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738650464393625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209187142514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836730050043225,0.16762590210757491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429133349397026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289370244169364,0.0,0.1843871795678908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390346377891185,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontcheckmyredditlol,2019/02/21,"I’m losing hope and it’s scaring me I’ve been in the thick of it for the past 6 months. Daughter of two narcs and jt has wreaked havoc on my life.  Currently I am 17 years old. My mom gave me a week’s notice that she was gonna have me go with my dad. Since I’ve been here, we’ve had a cps incident, I’ve dealt with a lot of bullying and outcast treatment, the school sucks and I’m in danger of not getting a math credit because kcal how the school is, I’ve tried to run away twice and my mom called me to tell me it’s my fault her creepy boyfriend molested me. 

I’ve talked to friends about it, and they don’t even quite know what to say. One of my best friends got annoyed with me because she thinks I shouldn’t talk back as much as I do. And that’s true I do talk back but it’s usually when it’s necessary. I won’t say I don’t have a lack of respect for my parents because I do. Their actions aren’t worthy of respect. 

My parents have also been feeding lies to my therapist. The only outlet I had. I tried to run away, but ended up being caught. I’m so tired of crying Day in and day out and being scared about the next thing. If there’s a god out there he has to be fucking with me on purpose. I decided I’m going to go back to Florida when I’m closer to 18, but I fear my bridges have been burned there. 

My mom called my friends threatening them amongst other things. I’m scared my friends will not want anything to do with me or not even want me back. My life is a mess and every day I think I’m getting closer to ending it. I don’t know what I have to hold onto anymore. ",0.8806740630244292,2.4336792341040483,2.6091460003729274,96.2357700913668,80.35838150289017,5.620585493194108,22.14394928211821,6.3737218528115,0.17741051650195816,1229,38,296,10,31,406,165,346,0.16399999999999998,0.738,0.098,-0.9662,4,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,3,17,22,5,4,13,0,31,5,0,1,1,39,56,22,0,6,8,7,1,0,4,4,3,2,0,0,14,17,1,1,5,0,1,7,9,12,0,3,10,3,44,10,43,39,4,40,0,1,0,1,27,14,2,4,19,185,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379495927732985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151532245792963,0.0,0.0,0.07593721543400696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733970857718779,0.2838254056726222,0.0,0.1687560681206993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684043011361264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884530154716144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136342909017296,0.17853569587447587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634624482782018,0.0,0.0,0.12189795334775184,0.0,0.07774848572139577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038387932009847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851760822267048,0.08530984313787311,0.09642325338542776,0.0,0.15733173031239206,0.0,0.073803422403835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165321808686998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142753041462572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035784834886732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323586433647483,0.0,0.07845174914181006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242258476802778,0.07365569471208668,0.0,0.0678352013678389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813906694218913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050595075702032,0.09683060034661944,0.0,0.06253019485608728,0.0701818397081793,0.0,0.0,0.2049283637667155,0.0,0.08809012195821826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814937883321127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467668876899478,0.2771601647483157,0.1867812235953589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633360068631402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250951517031334,0.08065534099393783,0.0,0.0,0.1071422710721592,0.12261126434695042,0.1182564750719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606038305714913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253018780945858,0.0,0.09014253464372383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163156019648907,0.0,0.10885631763808454,0.0,0.07402012233547896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059424228812310666
suicidewatch,demonslayeru,2019/02/21,"ending it about to end my life, last měla ideas?",0.997,2.9959167000000018,1.2900000000000027,103.625,82.0,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.146,37,0,9,0,1,11,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7501925691446272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780812081557136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452099312604153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991313607225701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stardustandapathy,2019/02/21,Never thought I would make it past 18. I'm laying here thinking about how I thought I would never make it past 18. I wish I hadn't. Every day suicidal ideation creeps in to my head. Last night I self harmed again for the first time in about 2 years. Maybe my mother was right and I would be better off dead. I don't know. I think about turning on the bathtub and taking somw sleeping pills and taking my boxcutter and locking the door. Slice a clean cut down my legs and just lay there as I bleed out. Has anyone ever tried to drown themselves? My mind feels like its rotting and falling apart. Curse my mother for making me. I never asked to be fucking born. All I feel like is a burden upon others. I hate myself and I hate my brain. There's no cure for how I am. Maybe a better alternative would just to fling myself off the 3rd floor balcony. Not sure if that would actually kill me unfortunately. If only. If only I wasn't a miserable shitty person. All I do is wallow in my own sadness. Well soon my sadness will surround me and I'll drown in it.,1.4212798530312298,3.75079123004695,2.7578893651765704,91.78451316595225,82.70892018779342,4.831108389467238,19.589508062869974,6.046907544983943,-0.05174692794447866,824,22,170,6,23,266,127,213,0.209,0.674,0.116,-0.9717,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,3,14,16,5,1,8,0,17,7,4,5,7,41,36,14,5,9,6,2,2,2,0,6,2,0,2,2,6,9,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,10,1,1,5,2,31,6,21,23,3,30,0,3,0,1,5,14,1,3,17,114,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.11510970707084685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247877184816738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027453354067317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864801338509495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167981270305418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760729630420829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669949978336617,0.09938445617654018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928592244942457,0.16853801984065991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033476587563668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904999998514772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329176309063379,0.12105863885715196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050272663581444,0.0,0.06482647126857828,0.0961512753472346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525635537601513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23621305745607266,0.0,0.2370087438730375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910365877254706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729287680248507,0.0,0.0,0.110695317963287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942430410440913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252079583058265,0.0,0.1029961204865584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073523783043382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305561470800205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804289530431145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902658686778226,0.0,0.1111737434960508,0.0,0.17737903228276095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116507228823195,0.0,0.1872904877541628,0.06878208792645556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008554055286607,0.12830411352405982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605814533622808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564554241694354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189688557433127,0.0,0.0,0.07596089633674426
suicidewatch,sothereisthisgirl,2019/02/21,"I don’t know what to do I don’t know if this is where I should put this or not, but i don’t know what else to do.

For a bit of backstory, my family is very religious, and I’m a lesbian. So they’re very against it.

My youngest sister is the only person in my family that is supportive. My other sister and my parents aren’t at all. My mom has tried to “pray the gay away”, and that obviously hasn’t worked. 
My other sister has a daughter now that will be 1 in May. I love my niece so much. My sister has tried to be understanding. We were always close growing up. We are only a year and a half apart in age. Well her husband has a lot of religious views and is adamant that I’m not allowed around my niece. My sister will come see me occasionally with my niece, behind his back. But last night she told me her husband refuses to let me come celebrate with the family for my niece’s first birthday. And I’ve been told that when she can talk and understand things around her better, I won’t see her again.

I’ve been trying to get my family to come around. I’ve listened to their “you’re going to hell” speeches. I’ve been quiet, and kind, and nobody actually cares about me. They won’t be involved in my life if I get married. I don’t want a life like that. I want my family to be around. We were all raised to be close, but now I’m like on the outside looking in. I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t know how to feel better. I’ve been thinking about ending my life a lot lately. I can’t think of anything to look forward to. Or any way to fill this hole I have.",1.0553821563499,2.8100489429429447,3.0570124963673377,92.27788142981692,80.5915915915916,6.218696115470308,20.351545093480574,7.233258080335977,0.357417979269592,1210,32,279,16,31,408,150,333,0.02,0.8370000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.9903,3,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,2,4,17,10,1,0,12,0,42,6,0,2,3,54,72,20,0,5,10,10,1,2,0,6,3,3,0,1,16,23,0,1,9,0,0,8,13,1,1,2,8,9,46,9,39,52,6,38,2,0,5,3,30,18,1,7,15,191,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0929478506137342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792535758949396,0.0,0.0,0.06477158724255776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445995695586312,0.0,0.0,0.07838060237991187,0.33916198488125826,0.0,0.0,0.08948819071152425,0.07323947204344149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684774018843965,0.10398563493455006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711120574801056,0.0,0.0,0.2461419424362814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795670902365153,0.0,0.08436104148219083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489544769679364,0.0,0.04816001353094674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101750119329934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952580747905768,0.0,0.054131366835435284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918564642940436,0.20938220835116292,0.07763945026629489,0.10744336363445878,0.0,0.0,0.09739705364342924,0.2018284438032812,0.09306626499518293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996787463697412,0.0,0.0,0.1619520895083824,0.08596461542021011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155275711684408,0.0,0.0,0.07001789459075608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938335557885557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488007865492647,0.0,0.0,0.10576111136655952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316647018210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575007617822308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179990090131046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108085769420375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655635748836861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327822730363633,0.12206154384888875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820261951869236,0.0,0.19400046396729625,0.0,0.0,0.19831207766694067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571783763717352,0.11235892309939913,0.07560305668329201,0.0,0.0,0.08563896911851393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934133694514755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133628713734431
suicidewatch,ThinkinAboutEndingIt,2019/02/21,I bought rope off of Amazon today It'll get here Saturday. I looked on wikihow on how to tie a noose. I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of my job. I'm tired. I can't be creative. I like art. I like to paint. I like music. I play instruments. But it's all useless. Useless talents. My life is pointless. It's all pointless. I don't think I can make going. I don't think I can.,-3.0368088235294124,-1.7245545411764684,0.5030514705882361,100.91810661764707,112.05882352941177,3.5367647058823533,15.900735294117649,5.602791699666715,-0.7003970588235293,284,9,72,3,16,101,48,85,0.302,0.614,0.084,-0.9549,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,2,3,8,18,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,13,5,8,15,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,5,40,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738909594993313,0.0,0.12769416046552642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296606101521987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587022780333262,0.3293105071321408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867954614302446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997956605963225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879392721468597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7747300809327763,0.21297593736166895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jordanpieces91,2019/02/21,"Every single day I think about it. Everyday I think about killing myself. I have no social life, no friends. All I do is work, go home, sleep and repeat.

For awhile the thoughts would elicit feelings of sadness at the thought of what it would do to my mother, who has already lost two children but now, I feel nothing to the thought. I'm unsure what this means. Am I just ready and have accepted that this is what will happen.

I've been shopping around for a gun to buy online. .45 caiber, I don't want to mess this up like everything else.

I also don't want to do this either. I just want to be happy again. Why can't I be happy..",1.3857245080500888,3.5062696356589167,2.4582945736434105,95.11191413237928,81.32558139534882,4.899463327370304,20.775790101371502,5.873414542411696,-0.045241383422778725,489,14,106,3,13,155,84,129,0.141,0.718,0.14,0.7018,0,0,0,1,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,4,0,18,2,1,1,1,23,33,4,1,5,4,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,1,1,11,3,0,0,9,1,2,1,5,4,0,1,5,2,12,5,15,23,3,9,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492955593006816,0.13401428780035718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918242180743144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807573834251184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999223671024946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141194033353305,0.0,0.1506107977966514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946775341795844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947249355366394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524001816517208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819112873934456,0.3567857091424263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809718426000894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540330194676816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836725961191248,0.08187150340810957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829342154970779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254459547436025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607982763843806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167701803057729,0.17082749945419753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475799214120533,0.0,0.3991212568655213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370206988526415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965304545940501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121558682439956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200080242440944,0.0,0.0,0.2380891534456316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wheremybrainsgo,2019/02/21,"I plan on killing myself today Im just tired of always wondering why. Why i wake up for work and pay rent and save money. Tired of wondering why i can't cry anymore, I'm tired of wondering where my brother and grandmother are, and if I'll ever see them again. I'm tired feeling like there's no point in existing to just end up not existing in the end of it. I'm tired of fighting addiction, and feeling like all I'll ever be is a lonely depressed addict. Ive tried to get help, go to rehab, attend 12 step meetings, recovery houses, tried to make sober friends. But I just can't seem to connect with anyone. I can't seem to grow a bond or brotherhood with anyone. My mommys going to be devastated and my sister will be beyond repair... I love them so, for many years the thing thsts kept me from killing myself was the fear of what life would be like for them without me. But I've found myself tortured for living for other people. Ive always felt different, like I don't belong anywhere. Even in a room full of addicts and people who are doing drugs with me I feel like the odd one out. I've tried antidepressants, but they made me a fat fuck which leaves me even more depressed. I steal klopin from my mother's purse so i can just go to bed and not have to live the day. I stay up at night researching the perfect combination of drugs to make me feel ok. I was depressed before drugs, since I was 12 ive felt this way and i am 19 now.... 

Maybe somebody on this thread will have some words to help me, to change my mind, or at least keep me going another day but for now my plan is this;

 Get off work and take the rest of my antidepressants and anxiety medication, take a bunch of pseudoephedrine and cough medicine.

If I wake up in the morning I'll continue my day normally until I get off work. I'll be on the bus to kensington Philadelphia to get a bundle of heroin and cocaine. And die peacefully In a Park preferably under a tree. 

If that doesn't work I will give up, tell my mom what i did and try to get help.",4.871694915254238,4.931017506053268,5.681371428571433,83.75388280871674,68.85472154963679,8.835602905569008,27.900145278450363,8.608573733854374,1.780412765133172,1582,47,336,23,25,519,201,413,0.145,0.76,0.096,-0.9684,2,2,4,0,2,3,43.0,0,0,4,7,16,21,5,1,17,1,30,20,3,3,4,63,65,27,3,6,16,4,6,5,1,4,16,0,3,0,11,19,1,2,13,0,3,7,9,11,0,1,9,7,45,10,59,47,7,48,0,4,1,2,18,24,1,11,20,209,56,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314968054087853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177968230742138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422376682905334,0.05414998287158692,0.0,0.0701992478666072,0.0989883988110024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060232433924770436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488066248892528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775349845465968,0.1369505262191595,0.0,0.1828998736217264,0.0,0.07346318185429132,0.07395478338248393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24626279738399656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538819309563246,0.0,0.0,0.09350504824396746,0.12805734616094425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965229194746368,0.14316317034519846,0.15170547841251505,0.1359285266258263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761159958658799,0.05468796356769483,0.06543917087381715,0.18491001514036096,0.06790298513591174,0.16091395170186332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233616450946024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167586075111671,0.0,0.0,0.07645945485458662,0.0,0.0,0.06291655559199348,0.15662522198960532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495061224779602,0.0,0.0,0.04999721719718865,0.17290876512543973,0.0,0.12500809942586724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388581511275315,0.06697804759723511,0.09449846634021092,0.07176441814869783,0.07111258913805057,0.0,0.0,0.07130798177061817,0.0,0.0,0.07147221163846898,0.0829020031282441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642650002858913,0.06935382472410095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047965439337960485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814618123769596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691427423179093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640611753865546,0.12887918184074088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855370675869662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544690635803468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644233658473023,0.0,0.06186881193367382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047026106153351975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40678210594071895,0.06709547165926738,0.0,0.0,0.1922322374497859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561854767524764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916161250040202,0.0,0.0,0.06823377504002616,0.2302884574497722,0.2061279660285596,0.0,0.0,0.050283309574559176,0.0,0.0,0.04558292595860183
suicidewatch,AntW2000,2019/02/21,"I'm an 18 year old with high functioning autism and bipolar disorder and I plan on committing suicide as soon as I move out. Although it is perfectly normal for an 18 year old to still live with his parents, what's not normal is that I can't pay bills, insurance, etc. I can't sign contracts or other important paper work on my own. I can pay for some of the things I want and I can handle being home alone for a day and that's about it. I am not anywhere near ready to live on my own and just thinking about all of these money issues I am going to have to deal with is driving me fucking insane. I am never going to be able to live independently. I can't even imagine myself being happy on my own. I'm thinking about just moving out as soon as possible and killing myself in my new home. I know a few good methods. Since I'm reaching out, I guess it means I still have a little hope, but VERY little.",4.115939716312056,4.422639069148944,5.4582978723404265,83.83333333333334,70.54255319148936,7.9687943262411345,27.368794326241137,7.793537801064563,1.5113815602836875,707,22,148,8,12,238,106,188,0.07,0.838,0.092,-0.0649,1,1,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,3,10,6,2,0,6,0,16,2,0,1,4,35,29,13,2,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,9,12,0,0,5,0,4,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,22,4,30,26,7,28,0,0,0,1,3,12,1,4,11,109,31,4,0.12993114831578478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456948447106776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379484172797033,0.133953308655997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891235267667324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490757612003738,0.08581829805273132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201192529353123,0.0,0.0,0.14768573170469687,0.1089800826657023,0.0,0.0,0.1431338084370228,0.0,0.0,0.1383141234420385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727939191068478,0.260663071398038,0.12905094747295948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356143616695653,0.0,0.0,0.14374956471022762,0.0,0.07140676112127156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604502894996697,0.3441947532354757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153311113724354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761924961894863,0.0,0.0,0.10021091158234843,0.12548831269561714,0.0,0.0,0.2546098767091441,0.0,0.0,0.27268176677141404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427316388995706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464778472122748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748038855825616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752636576778444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212358757874405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632048151235744,0.16650926690186102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720680485117703,0.07663675767662283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459142344639908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734279911066727
suicidewatch,kguyyy,2019/02/21,Need help. I want to end it all and have for years everything keeps getting worse. Im just totally over being alive. I can't deal with it anymore. I've had one decent attempt putting my car into a pole years ago which didn't work just fucked me up. Now I have a kid and I can't bring myself to end it all but I can't stop wanting to. I'm stuck in this limbo with no option :( what can I do. Nothing fixes all my problems. I've tried doctors etc etc... Im stuck.,-1.2679066478076386,0.7647918910891107,1.1265417256011323,99.83527227722773,95.43564356435644,3.6777934936350776,17.115275813295614,5.288315135182226,-0.7534248939179635,355,10,85,2,14,119,68,101,0.171,0.7340000000000001,0.094,-0.8667,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,4,19,20,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,4,0,10,0,10,15,6,14,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,7,52,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329155796550954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268738914559107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991301167469699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854732670972466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263117814289401,0.0,0.41088696459316093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555658467194162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029970602401065,0.09624242116398313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234724638106363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979580581667197,0.0,0.0,0.16373482087693836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658980544712435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767550125806774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248258513898055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626463978136225,0.0,0.18518250474816966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540082870833976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506688688477402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730433688245912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134107490778265,0.0,0.187726311012286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372511383260845
suicidewatch,Koudelika,2019/02/21,"Drowning I feel like I’m slowly being suffocated, like there is a weight on my chest, slowly crushing my lungs. Each breath I take is painful. But no-one notices anything. The world is just drifting by. Unaware. I know that how I feel right now will pass - it won’t last forever. But how long will I have to feel like this before I feel “normal” again? If it was just the night, then maybe I could survive; but another week of this makes me feel physically sick, and the thought of another month... I can’t go on like this. I’m tired of this routine. Just let it be over already. Just let me die. Don’t let me wake up in the morning. 

I want to die. ",0.7038636363636357,2.975534992424244,2.0556363636363635,95.99845454545456,85.43939393939394,5.035151515151517,21.67878787878788,6.42735559955562,0.22514787878787912,497,17,112,5,15,159,83,132,0.175,0.753,0.07200000000000001,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,16,8,4,3,0,23,29,8,3,4,8,0,6,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,2,1,0,7,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,6,14,4,11,18,1,18,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,12,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964706818863436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033984569819748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905117708419426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231036115098578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115507314070808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002894756192001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36574778230585336,0.20670471661759324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221935967905394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950691117386251,0.11792545172810598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438049796267348,0.0,0.28271404041532777,0.0,0.0,0.12802849833837335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656842444016378,0.0,0.1453405744427433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547430471753975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576310171513895,0.141745995292536,0.0,0.1647078835934942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393920123896726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354748684499645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877392126884816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485191066382547,0.0,0.16627701414634122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533018147819298,0.0,0.11604563903996495,0.1761692244294522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GamersAsylum,2019/02/21,"I think that I can't keep doing this So this is a border line suicide post. I just don't know what to do.

  I'm at a breaking point. I became a type 1 diabetic at 11 years old, which is still difficult to deal with even now, I became a epileptic at 17, and then got diagnosed with depression at 19.

  I've been fighting the thought of giving up for a year now because I can't make my wife or her family happy anymore and I think she might be considering divorce, I'm fighting eviction, because of my disabilities and shit, I can't get a job or SSI/disability. I keep going back into the hospital with dka (diabetic ketoacidosis) which basically means I'm not taking my insulin so my body is getting SUPER dehydrated. I think that this is my subconscious way of trying to kill myself because they told me only 1 of 5 people survive dka.

I just need advice on how to make it through the crap storm",5.199318181818185,5.420500861111113,6.852929292929293,75.07590909090911,68.16666666666667,9.656565656565657,32.474747474747474,9.573946990214177,2.9667777777777773,705,29,137,14,11,245,112,180,0.165,0.775,0.06,-0.9576,3,0,0,0,5,2,16.0,0,0,1,2,10,9,5,0,9,0,13,7,3,3,0,25,34,9,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,21,2,20,28,0,20,0,1,0,0,10,8,2,3,8,89,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524194535012415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468781399283632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993710555768157,0.0,0.285247394365218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325589185637788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080600178342344,0.13434323248910088,0.15831392668440586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103021698591691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704174946198012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298366091783106,0.14962787570347658,0.0886456343414421,0.0,0.12474949298340085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604099894248744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547836474530313,0.2772800206343468,0.17256604552055105,0.0,0.08572118054735049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082324473279196,0.0,0.0,0.16990527483271786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546752821071806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565537455617195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636721971024938,0.0,0.0,0.11862795294683702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813519153547646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744919810966606,0.0,0.14938337364299106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010871031641435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456387034628022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061412000166284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727570353651864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998323416460657,0.0,0.12382874928561592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904323022323182,0.0,0.10589851563140544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380771648011042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008888524085612
suicidewatch,Idntknowwhatshapnin,2019/02/21,"I just want to die I don’t know how I can keep living when all I do is let anyone that loves me down 

I think I would be doing everyone a favour 

I’m currently locked in the bathroom and have all the pills I need to do it.. 


But I’m scared. Although I know it would be best for everyone if I died ",0.1110945273631856,1.4708750597014912,2.502313432835823,97.01128109452738,81.98507462686567,6.257711442786071,18.629353233830845,7.1686216300943375,-0.053157213930348224,227,5,59,3,6,78,46,67,0.15,0.6759999999999999,0.174,0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,3,0,12,2,0,1,2,15,21,6,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,5,16,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624862239401983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243869561172958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823496555763721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441000779417785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065509426207692,0.0,0.0,0.2554210808858713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376253542515062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051967127625907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973295832034672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230759417201466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326539568666351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890038513775272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706435618965815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301536421691475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hellohellocharlie,2019/02/21,"I want to die, but hope doesnt allow me to do that Even tho i know things will never get better and they can only get worse i still hope that something magical will happen and i will get out of this hole. Every year i have bigger and bigger desire to suicide, i dont see point in living, my existence consists of working all the time, studying sometimes and drinking when im not working. I wish i never had hope, i hope with time i will get more knowledge and lose hope. ",4.723125,5.011916729166668,5.399999999999999,84.845,69.20833333333334,7.233333333333332,27.458333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.1688458333333331,370,11,74,2,6,120,62,96,0.211,0.586,0.203,-0.2121,0,0,2,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,4,4,7,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,3,23,24,8,2,8,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,13,6,8,19,2,12,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,5,7,51,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208169728336314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177553931967735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601013034003081,0.13382194776738882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022702467607964,0.0,0.11509651059849532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854841455044109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080030164498246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6784032826518857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755800353975987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507512667950003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062566763431637,0.0,0.0,0.15282725629314786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071805424519766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038950763200709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913689657784375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885735593148484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516603108811834,0.13510690193373096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090937885622114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494248748168011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075500670825376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593122026637933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057380282389917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709024540716554,0.0,0.0,0.1989017002457815,0.0,0.13921326178173354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796983398252015
suicidewatch,FuSocy,2019/02/21,"Twenty year old jobless step-son living in our basement. Need advice on how to get him motivated to live his life. Originally posted in r/NeedAdvise but was auto removed due to mention of suicide.

​

As the title says, my step-son (I'll call him Steve) is 20 years old and living in our basement. He dropped out of high school and got his GED when he was 16, Since then he has had probably 20 different jobs, only one of which lasted longer than a month. All of his jobs he has either quit or gotten fired for no-call no-show. For about a year he lived with his brother, who is married financially independent. While living with his brother, Steve at first has the one job that lasted longer than a month. He eventually got fired for not showing up and then lived off his brother for several months. When his brother decided that he couldn't afford to support Steve any longer my wife and I took him back in. This is right as we were moving to another state.

​

So Steve, my 4 year old, my wife, and I moved out of state with the hopes that Steve would get his shit together. He got a job at first, although it required us to hound him for a couple weeks to apply to places, but stopped going in to work or called in sick frequently. My wife finally got tired of this and threw him out. The intention wasn't to throw him out permanently, but Steve decided that he would be better off dead. He took all the pills he could find, including over 100 acetaminophen and also stabbed himself in the chest and punctured his lung. He was in the hospital for a week and then another week in a psych hospital before they released him to an outpatient program, I should note that a month before this he had made comments about being suicidal and was in an inpatient program for about a week. This time, he only went to the outpatient program for a few days before he decided it was ""worthless"" and that he felt better and was motivated to find a job.

​

He did get a new job, but after 4 days he went to work and then called and asked to be picked up because he had been fired, We later found out that he just walked out on the job and made up the excuse of being fired. It has now been several months and he still does not have a job, His doctor prescribed him some antidepressants, but he only will take them sporadically if we are constantly reminding him. Basically he just sits in his room in the basement playing video games all night and then sleeps all day. He has no motivation to do anything else. He goes for weeks sometimes without showing and we practically have to force him to take a shower. The only thing that seems to motivate him in the slightest is shutting off the internet. Even then, he will just play games offline.

​

My opinion is that we should disconnect his internet and take away his laptop until he finds a job. We've tried throwing him out, as I said before and that only led to a suicide attempt, which was very close to being successful. My fear is that taking away the only thing that he enjoys would just lead to another attempt, and I have no doubt that he would be successful if he tried again. He is going to see a therapist but his attitude suggests that it isn't helping, He just seems content to live in our basement and leech off of us for as long as he can. 

​

The sad thing is that he is a very intelligent kid but just have no desire to improve his life. What can we do to get him motivated to take care of himself, get a job, and live his life?

​

TL:DR 20 year old, jobless,  suicidal step-son lives in our basement and has no motivation to improve his life. How do we get him to take responsibility for his own life?

​

​",6.630295464568,6.595694908205843,6.610603480443706,78.90240340581434,65.14742698191935,9.685009667899182,32.69652973303029,9.310311815833133,2.727353512670036,2945,109,569,48,41,936,279,719,0.124,0.787,0.09,-0.9868,15,0,0,0,0,2,103.0,13,0,2,19,20,15,1,2,37,0,57,13,4,16,4,109,94,55,5,13,21,7,5,0,0,8,9,2,2,1,30,42,0,2,16,7,0,15,10,5,0,4,30,8,61,10,101,48,8,114,0,2,1,0,105,42,1,10,52,364,91,29,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036242720216668696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029659878769620087,0.0,0.3214853647497792,0.3605353549863897,0.0252216378094901,0.11667243853925392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030520900423710695,0.0,0.03467299660782472,0.0,0.06969224718549642,0.028518977469557113,0.0,0.02260897208117455,0.0,0.12623925813129527,0.0,0.0,0.06560401235034417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361535355656482,0.0,0.03781447642230847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04007978812731724,0.0,0.02961236770025564,0.04103802244004432,0.0,0.07175757189303675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874987436638356,0.0,0.0379619312650351,0.032456635628298015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030982911133322386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024496785105414483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173518148238887,0.0,0.0,0.03561103885814317,0.04062893848634391,0.101695401182702,0.06309538358772006,0.0,0.040665925796851965,0.0,0.0,0.11626412023223605,0.0,0.042156809384437735,0.0,0.11865312117345556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024859823080494288,0.03918632551966568,0.0,0.036837520664331165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680488480894602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046460115332146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098448784847086,0.0,0.0,0.29475059849962604,0.03282239743349405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018858851294353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801952580816474,0.07883899331963648,0.0,0.02750085560147492,0.0,0.035820568562857334,0.0,0.03480530146906029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567371514777986,0.0,0.050264625579704715,0.1692461011937692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874987436638356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03552079273083672,0.0,0.0399879708215638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394484759665809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031673609920959515,0.03527991684392602,0.029494481323032506,0.0,0.03753581885898224,0.029554950581277082,0.06752845287832787,0.0,0.08379951431485085,0.03807109301964658,0.03068021670553572,0.0,0.03711555857050705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036681745350806816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029619142428094693,0.031007875372884786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227639383795686,0.04208790064804206,0.0,0.0,0.1673168515114408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043062924652609136,0.07392039927795413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02162676208894111,0.0426280891613812,0.0,0.0,0.08241398406701217,0.05036168527343896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892264558049691,0.0,0.0,0.0612042447792125,0.0,0.0,0.14875188471424494,0.0,0.0,0.06876332922546198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575225413980905,0.0,0.05400213766900625,0.0,0.0,0.10538720226725093,0.0,0.3605353549863897,0.11941977065991499
suicidewatch,horreurscape,2019/02/21,"vent November is when I no longer have any obligations to be alive anymore.

Is it weird to pick a date to kill yourself?

I'm in a wedding in October for my best friend, so it can't be before then. 

I have a list of things I want to do before I end it. Or I guess rather if I accomplished those things maybe I won't want to end it 

I don't know, I've been depressed since I was a child. I don't know if I have an actual personality or interests

All my friends are in another state moving on with their lives, my family too. I feel...not real, like I'm not a person 

I used to be able to work through it, but now I'm crying at work in the bathroom when I should be in my classroom teaching

my guilt used to be the only thing keeping me here but now I don't know if that's enough 

if anything in my life will be enough or if I'll ever be enough 

Idk November is a ways away, but that date is in my head

I guess I won't kill myself before then, I need to at least try and claw my way out of this ",2.1978883861236795,2.4911286380090516,4.145140271493215,91.5856440422323,74.83710407239819,7.703288084464555,23.330618401206635,7.793537801064563,0.7381418401206629,763,19,192,10,15,262,116,221,0.111,0.8109999999999999,0.078,-0.8968,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,4,9,10,2,1,9,0,26,2,1,3,2,32,40,17,2,10,13,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,3,12,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,2,0,29,5,26,27,6,27,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,10,12,133,41,5,0.11927129600107005,0.0,0.1163915798057535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110857126774186,0.1250663533129958,0.0,0.0,0.11828507647977635,0.0,0.0,0.09815011403584334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205930876398144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30447326445260764,0.0,0.1251678666989232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101391810858015,0.0,0.0,0.10272819247577956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127793332146244,0.3697173959886723,0.0,0.0,0.10788771564353067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243836299629853,0.0,0.060307150959605774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842974148503694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627815586199761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240675946682725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601380807077207,0.2639120350250246,0.0,0.19664515520497894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842448436368308,0.058269930600254524,0.0,0.10531873952038433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982404798485725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676651208464948,0.0,0.08843815470368935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071119517925152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828619031957146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357568466589842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866244856764976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23771564789975416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097738081123625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602420990901726,0.0,0.0,0.14069860118830813,0.1893440062875868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366184800611684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lolmydoghungry,2019/02/21,"best rope for noose ive heard that manilla style polypropylene is best for suicide, any other suggestions?",6.096666666666668,9.65765866666667,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,73.44444444444446,5.822222222222222,31.222222222222214,7.1686216300943375,2.225355555555556,88,4,13,1,2,24,16,18,0.16699999999999998,0.52,0.312,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761491284161398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8523142931593533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441869027237052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,getintheswan,2019/02/21,"UK people ; what to expect from Crisis Team call? Hey,
So I've been to my GP this afternoon, got a long history of mental illness etc. but been really bad the last few weeks.

They of course always have to ask if you're feeling suicidal and for the first time I said yeah, I don't trust myself. I got messed around with and felt like I'd lost part of my support network.

Stopped taking medication (remeron) about 5-6 weeks ago (yeah yeah what did I expect). Now been referred to the ""Crisis team"" but was just wondering what to expect from this?

Thanks in advance (also can't load this sub for some reason in app but can in mobile browser - is it quarantined? If so that's about the dumbest thing...)",2.1309593326381666,4.480489233576645,3.2132898852971863,89.45432481751827,80.02189781021897,5.958081334723673,21.46454640250261,7.1686216300943375,0.6867918665276336,543,16,108,7,14,174,97,137,0.231,0.6559999999999999,0.113,-0.971,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,5,8,7,0,0,5,3,10,2,0,1,0,20,21,10,1,5,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,10,3,8,4,19,11,4,15,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,4,11,68,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379415837711206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776654822370633,0.15374973240183287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449120379594606,0.1727420757551587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428154469718508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867854844893128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060758234907598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342908643854013,0.0,0.1774154348910542,0.0,0.0,0.1571716984082519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29556698946674875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061837358723446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027298249365852,0.0,0.0,0.16352232626594035,0.0,0.0,0.20170653457700047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614395242968645,0.18621232064911555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009609137676124,0.0,0.12810149465618986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837323663610573,0.18998210666058316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757657734928469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448231421280165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211666037039533,0.20968338572960152,0.0,0.0,0.1389297295039748,0.0,0.0,0.17011835188769836,0.0,0.0,0.12275800056887586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774528136006516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964348265443194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038338207602613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turboshot49cents,2019/02/21,"I’m worried my professor judges me for my mental health last semester Last semester I went through this whole episode in which I felt suicidal due to pressures of school, then fell behind in my classes, which caused anxiety and gave me the worst suicidal thoughts I’ve had in years. One night this intensified beyond my grip and I checked myself into the ER for a psych evaluation. I spent the night there and the next day the doctors worked out a treatment plan with me and sent me on my way. 

It was awkward timing and I didn’t have time to go home and freshen up before my professors office hours, so I went straight to school, still in my pajamas from the night before with the hospital wristband around my wrist. We talked a lot about what I was going through and got on good terms, and basically he agreed to go easy on me while I worked on catching up. (He has been hard on me previously which was part of the problem) 

I have this professor again this semester and everything is going just fine, but I’m starting to feel embarrassed about the whole thing, like I bet he’s always nice to me on purpose or something because he thinks it might happen again, and perhaps he thinks I can’t handle real criticism or something",6.644644376899699,7.006820519148942,6.3215349544072925,79.63750000000002,65.08510638297872,9.778115501519757,33.806990881458965,9.606745405546679,3.033188449848024,982,40,186,18,14,306,138,235,0.094,0.84,0.065,-0.706,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,10,9,0,3,12,0,12,3,1,1,0,31,31,16,2,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,11,16,0,0,5,0,3,9,2,5,1,1,14,4,28,4,34,16,6,46,0,0,0,0,9,17,0,5,20,124,39,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998561176322416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918056517704629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683240054550627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315565156319666,0.0,0.2042356270840622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328108605764247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739511416943222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283308618896994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785528805437716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060679558266135324,0.0,0.11522632436168853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728128326463757,0.10065686343185476,0.0959812144298969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612251652013134,0.0,0.10750343237705076,0.0,0.0,0.12756269798776732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203776256067085,0.0,0.11818352632178072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564477668417066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058629757711321985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202635476141933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093965371408415,0.1273093294935569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276296751739632,0.33785762099410505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132040283965862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995677147618528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483127376112047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659516915976155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429086360696073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477576164180126,0.0,0.0,0.08494215077270692,0.0,0.09583839792851932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625381481723011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645773774281637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972786133420494,0.15379232726489386,0.0,0.09527280194517578,0.13995504670785852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525661948088668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249689791655228,0.0,0.2679688846128939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473424058367734,0.12187376380189698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728109974029165
suicidewatch,Munozc1,2019/02/21,I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do this. Really can’t. The legal status of my parents depends on me. They’re waiting for me to turn 21 and then they can get citizenship. I have to support them as much as I can financially. I live at home and go to college driving like ten minutes away. I just got my girlfriend pregnant. Just now. My parents aren’t gonna support me. After this I will have no family at all. Just my girl. And college debt. And a kid. I’m only 19. I can’t do this any longer. Im going to just end it tonight. I can’t take it anymore. I want to kill my self so bad. ,-1.9709747023809527,-0.16736129687499712,1.2605803571428602,96.88114583333336,103.375,3.6880952380952383,19.376488095238095,5.622346879071545,-0.21103244047619096,446,17,105,4,21,157,77,128,0.113,0.7979999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.7120000000000001,4,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,13,0,0,1,1,12,26,8,1,1,4,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,1,1,0,20,3,14,23,2,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,6,70,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260903224905427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35761494821099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939619558449967,0.0,0.1505415562578421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969078566686198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996919880558825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419842448136892,0.0,0.20493536702001575,0.0,0.14420102760865544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085390372150145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947531121702432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947336457500925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808464615327541,0.0,0.1592067093335703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254000189527995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712498791735594,0.0,0.0,0.40039986871645655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550371301670212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809045702279456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092007669628103,0.0,0.0,0.2711237786873287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611278532807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634461352763996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hdlo,2019/02/21,"I'm so tired. So, so tired of it all. This was originally a response to one of the posts here, but I realized when writing that it may be too much on the person's page that I checked the rules of this sub, which I haven't perused as of yet, and realized it infringed guideline 1b.

I'm copypasting my rant because I still need to throw this out.

​

I understand you. I basically feel the same. My life too isn't objectively bad, regarding of what so many fellow members of our species has to go gh. It's just been like that since the end of childhood : I've gone through life with the mindset that I should not die because I've read how mind-wrecking it is for parents, who I believe are good people in my case.

I scarcely ever have lived for me. I've tried, but people who seem to naturally want to live JUST - CAN'T - UNDERSTAND. They think they can, so natural it is for them to want to live, and so foreign is the idea that one might feel like they \*have to live\* all the bloody time instead of \*wanting\* to bite into all that supposed awesomeness ""like everybody else"".

""Grow up"".

""You know you won't be able to go on like this forever"".

""Life is hard for everybody else too, you know"".

​

​

Every day it's like that : I \*have to\* live. I have to get up (again), I have to eat and drink (again), not too much, not too little. I have to work, put up with the shit of so many people and myself.

I didn't ask for this. Every day I try to forgive my parents for creating me. I can't really. But at the same time I know I can't really blame them, because that's just what living things do : reproduce. I'm \*so\* glad I have not fathered anyone.

That said, I know that I'm fucked regarding life : actively being part of the cycle of life is a very, very common trait of people who are enjoying it. I love being in a relationship (I'm not, and glad for that person's sake that we're not), but I can't possibly think that being how I am I should try to go down that route again.

I've been left alone a lot when I was a kid, and I think I just developed that defense mechanism where I've never felt the feeling of missing anybody. I'm now living with my parents again after 10 years on my own in a different city, but even back then I forced myself to see people, and found it very hard to make appointments. I could spend like 6 months without phoning my parents. Could have gone further if my mum hadn't tried so hard to get in touch with me by all means necessary.

Now I hardly see anyone, I'm not doing what I should on day-to-day basis to get better. I just can't. People I used to call friends are giving up on me one after the other seeing how I don't answer them. I suppose some of them don't even know whether I'm dead or not. I don't like that situation for the record, but TBH I still don't feel like talking to anyone at all. What about ? Why ? What for ? It's meaningless to me. I don't whether that state of affairs is the result of some unconscious will, but I'm at least glad that these few people will have had some time to disconnect from me and ready themselves for my departure. Better this way. Quite a shame it's not the case for my parents, but in my experience there's never a good time to do it anyway, and \*they\* were bound to care no matter how long it would have been since I last contacted them, so in terms of damage control, not such a bad deal after all.

​

I want out. So many people want to live out there, I think there are way too much of us humans on this Earth as we are (see natality rates evolution over the course of history and how the situation has got out of control the last 100 odd years), and the living, ie those who are willing to live could do with one less mouth to feed that doesn't even want to be around anyway.

​

I really wish there were dedicated places where they'd help you painlessly take your own life. This is fucking torture. I wish instead of this sub, there were some sort of NGO I could address, sign a disclaimer and I would be gently escorted out of this daily mindless pit of suffering.

Not to say anything about the million ways everything is fucked up and disgusting in human-land that certainly doesn't help.

​

I'm sort of glad I can see that some people can understand me here, if we're alive enough to type I guess it means we're ready to have some sort of worldly interaction. I don't know.

​

I don't really care much tbh, I just want out. I wish there were some sort of conflict where I could enlist and die in the front line for a good cause instead of some other bloke that enjoys life, has friends and kids. I know in the depths of my thinking apparatus that that's never been for me.

​

I probably won't do anything tomorrow, but just know there isn't much anyone can do about that. Thanks if you've read this tedious rant. I might refer to this if and when I find the good sense and the courage to do this the hard way on the spur of the moment some day (since society is not ready to help us out nice and quiet) and I don't find whatever suicide notes I could muster any better. It's going to be a pain for most of them since English is not my mother tongue and they're not fluent in it, but to be completely honest I do not give a flying fuck at this point.",4.531260251136028,4.962998165120594,5.116216020004842,86.20844707052782,69.66790352504638,8.364303191632386,27.218735715630125,8.321376580360154,1.5645625931004807,4154,125,890,57,69,1335,380,1078,0.08,0.727,0.193,0.9992,6,1,1,0,0,1,174.0,4,6,11,7,68,47,8,1,41,0,103,20,2,12,11,180,181,59,4,26,40,8,11,8,3,13,10,3,1,5,70,35,3,5,33,3,2,10,42,15,0,5,19,19,103,32,137,133,33,104,0,3,5,5,60,47,5,25,49,610,173,5,0.03404629952260182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035261698478712585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29511321046676303,0.3309598437851769,0.02315265117272693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522385696838663,0.0,0.056034407148755516,0.03030842480978305,0.031828694141030456,0.0,0.0,0.02617950278023056,0.056854475972982814,0.06226292454795255,0.0,0.0,0.03835852071226368,0.0,0.09033355555367256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034765078417064735,0.0,0.06942494286041885,0.03497492809454255,0.0,0.0,0.03569689729149271,0.0,0.07637163986041491,0.16309919877714846,0.0,0.0,0.10978523305996613,0.03510023983980718,0.0,0.0,0.07066936737396827,0.03557113661565221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03335241197055005,0.0,0.034837864079615415,0.056882629050798585,0.0,0.0301549158999424,0.035178928556383465,0.0,0.06746177920914098,0.030796827105626368,0.05737095150529953,0.0,0.03059861869284827,0.033303813905778995,0.0,0.0,0.06885932806186935,0.048645366363438095,0.032689786714437064,0.0,0.0622354019258731,0.0,0.0,0.037330010116799206,0.052608173111329225,0.12590102117553534,0.05336335887410329,0.06532062566901382,0.07739718646390002,0.11422568289527385,0.02722993591687628,0.0,0.03750583733789389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524939849875204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846155071442123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843412803119645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968764663974524,0.05550455641997089,0.0,0.0,0.036991404049434816,0.0,0.16833535755057075,0.13306641761381974,0.03412333640545857,0.3006350623558008,0.03012990370293715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028944946346923576,0.03072811457542958,0.0,0.02272616930518522,0.10355281181371437,0.0,0.07417280238966202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223548700276151,0.034377057008822764,0.0,0.02717543145829651,0.0,0.12513973783271795,0.025244899696914437,0.07877581523885717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228261472668874,0.0,0.03622766313464579,0.0,0.1890219325597296,0.03686882459530952,0.0,0.2124307553406864,0.05945583103228926,0.03557113661565221,0.0,0.032184757785390296,0.03838208716122892,0.0326069436762094,0.0,0.03670766928500139,0.0,0.0,0.034225934671241943,0.0,0.03621243038413191,0.06811102586955113,0.0,0.08724372511801114,0.0,0.0,0.0365529842153677,0.0,0.0,0.032385827370135636,0.027074983898775083,0.0,0.0,0.1356524636512741,0.030994472395792862,0.0,0.0,0.034948037201480084,0.112653803159391,0.07653893429487081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054378837556295585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037241125739706935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02559858012674167,0.02736512590536274,0.0,0.03134525833581134,0.0,0.0,0.02261884857172389,0.10907747002380844,0.0,0.0,0.0794106841788688,0.07826242577648954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246081007220394,0.0,0.0,0.10633019553081044,0.08190701263079275,0.02940507144068788,0.0,0.08427528816923892,0.14056972697344064,0.10809747134497054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03072148975601513,0.0,0.11745469264462552,0.03281941779475644,0.0,0.0247861115419244,0.0,0.0,0.04837102868960368,0.0,0.3309598437851769,0.04384940128155713
suicidewatch,chooseausername2019,2019/02/21,"I have no reason to kill myself yet i feel like it's an only option, it hurts so much I'm a 24 year old male who works as a programmer. I have more than many people will ever have. I have a car, i have an apartment with no mortgage (help from relatives and parents)  a dog and a girlfriend.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I've been 15, I've been on couple of meds and never did much therapy.

​

Around December 2018 my anxiety hit me again and i'd say it's the hardest one yet.

I constantly feel like i have this giant elephant sitting on my chest and i'm suffocating at the same time there is constant pain.

for the past 4 years I've been focusing mostly on my career and have lost all of my deep friendships. My current state is affecting all aspects of my life including my relationship with my family and most importantly my girlfriend (we live together and while she tries to be supportive it can be a lot). It's affecting my productivity. As many programmers I've always been victim to imposter syndrome but it has gone to extreme levels where i literally doubt everything i do while working.

For some reason i taken to my head that i need to become successful solo-founder of a startup or basically an entrepreneur. While I rationally realize that the road to successful entrepreneurship is long and difficult my anxiety thinks i should be an overnight success.

Given all the things in my life and the fact that i never had any severe traumatic experiences and had a pretty much regular childhood with love and everything i needed I feel extremely guilty that i feel this way.

​

However I'm so tired of feeling this way everyday. I just want it to stop and i feel like i will never have a change to lead a normal life and be happy with where i am.

I have been very suicidal before but never to this degree where i'm actually considering and afraid of taking action. The only reason why I haven't gotten through with it is that i know it would ruin my family especially my mom and would be extremely traumatic for my girlfriend.

Yet I can't seem to get better and go on.

Sometime I think how easy it would be if i just gotten into an accident or something...

​

I've started therapy and have been to 3 sessions so far and haven't made much progress yet. I have a tranzodone based med (been taking it for 4 weeks) but it doesn't seem to do a thing.

I have no idea what to do and i'm afraid i'm going to lose everything and everyone.

​

​",4.9343386243386265,6.31373633744856,6.068638447971782,76.28544444444447,69.37037037037037,9.587207524985304,30.96390358612581,9.888512548439397,3.1567943092298645,2004,83,365,49,35,669,234,486,0.14800000000000002,0.741,0.111,-0.943,4,0,1,0,1,1,54.0,1,0,0,10,17,23,2,4,24,0,49,8,2,8,9,85,85,37,2,9,8,2,6,3,3,6,5,1,0,1,25,31,0,1,16,0,0,6,11,13,0,1,17,7,50,10,44,55,13,55,0,5,0,1,13,17,0,11,31,260,75,8,0.0,0.0,0.06037640800174286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148097779813442,0.335181777435586,0.3758954352611508,0.0420738699437908,0.0,0.14199164255347882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550776113774007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833079502063671,0.05264699866574735,0.0,0.0,0.0547191800998079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545048707592555,0.0,0.0,0.13371945198649474,0.0,0.0,0.06845821956269303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328872820998209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055965154429047696,0.0,0.059119644806432226,0.16681488790265134,0.060520945288311034,0.1166514706758368,0.0,0.1877006476501078,0.13260028856787864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678375007223683,0.0,0.0,0.032324635370162016,0.0,0.0703245415180225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586199766391637,0.0,0.0,0.06349669335251203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041470303039591185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623334813091063,0.0698439453919827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845022951760588,0.0,0.03400225383438766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110229433990964,0.0906799901683343,0.0,0.054632536117511114,0.05475319609659244,0.0,0.06921694829069905,0.06753865171718118,0.052599846948198505,0.05584028743055839,0.05854309634722998,0.0,0.12545338052390614,0.0,0.0,0.1374477293846804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246165169967575,0.0,0.0,0.18192691679563625,0.09175196556696716,0.19087250557753427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060619677469361616,0.0,0.0,0.06492238622911659,0.0,0.041924861013944416,0.09411017772262403,0.06583427425754394,0.0,0.06869955537886993,0.0,0.05906212395946477,0.04289301905948896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294425457596423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083866610202355,0.0,0.0664254599812934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049201680740094816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264864579250775,0.0,0.06989573582151026,0.0,0.051179683780500855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04763071661642275,0.0611912277409831,0.0,0.04379205883169232,0.0,0.0,0.05172627271576871,0.0,0.064680185446674,0.0,0.06767597668376403,0.0702095903306729,0.0,0.0,0.09303740836962504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150797293314865,0.0,0.08220764749447243,0.07928787512655164,0.0,0.0,0.03607702173460912,0.07111071425557554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200581683770584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104940952485639,0.036492657650995616,0.09821939864879127,0.04962855702420725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582824855914082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008451132850476,0.0,0.0,0.13185248343380473,0.0,0.3758954352611508,0.07968478395280178
suicidewatch,hugefupa,2019/02/21,"at my breaking point 23[m] looking to get the fuck out of this life. I have no car, no money, no job, no guidance, no motivation and most importantly no will to live. My parents are borderline useless living off of state money and not well educated at all. Doped up on whatever medications their doctor prescribe. A family full of trouble makers, liars, thieves, and just over all white ghetto trash. A shit trailer full of mold and broken plumbing. Any problem that my arise that will cost money will basically leave us homeless. Any job I have ever had I quit, for what seems to be no reason at all. I just wake up some days and cry. This has been going on 7 ish years now. The only reason I'm still here is because I do not own a gun. If I did, I would have blown my brains out by now easily. One of the only reasons I want to stay is because I would love to see the advancements we make as humans in medicine/technology/A.I's. But up until recently I just cant stand to be a waste of space anymore. I just want everything to end. I have nothing to contribute to this world at all. Sometimes I wish of just going to jail so i dont have to worry about anything, at least someone will be making money off of me. Or flying to another country and just doing random shit before I off myself. There are so many possibilities in this world and I just want to take a gun to my head and pull the trigger. Fuck every piece of shit in this world. I wish I could just have a role in society where im not useless.",3.1318069306930703,4.637646013201323,4.638700495049509,84.29191212871288,74.01650165016504,7.294224422442245,25.496287128712872,7.9370924344782425,1.4224346534653467,1174,39,238,17,24,393,170,303,0.193,0.723,0.084,-0.9878,3,0,0,2,0,0,36.0,2,0,1,3,19,12,6,0,11,0,28,12,6,8,5,51,46,15,0,10,14,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,5,0,5,5,12,10,1,1,3,3,28,2,48,33,11,46,0,2,3,3,7,28,5,6,9,174,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603908131406046,0.11259337364504728,0.0,0.0,0.1064883996368714,0.0,0.0,0.08836151506940419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309111461012105,0.0,0.09136929083728093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986742052387887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573120840019945,0.0,0.1179477824653912,0.06924880636051625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990415469306344,0.0,0.0,0.1258441800706831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951034977004679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971279769288708,0.09046913234084547,0.0,0.09650286116362036,0.0,0.1012247841367595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853524907156112,0.05609966541676675,0.0,0.12204880904519885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019902348024872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159847894673186,0.0,0.213108744403025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369595818516058,0.0,0.0,0.07584302976782031,0.0,0.0,0.18963041420048887,0.0,0.09016901718133646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969112692458102,0.0,0.14334897815186778,0.10886267690570677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817028801387543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030304199186464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276093445736963,0.1633289725342137,0.0,0.0,0.11922863249349387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015052752323819,0.12105060250173225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274458182731044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420787248065985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33120204433266365,0.10602110534879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556497924072404,0.09775131670077493,0.0,0.0,0.3306605715620493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097955885195197,0.0,0.10619786931545896,0.0,0.0,0.11444880906539995,0.08575082201604074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073358633454089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291604230174569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999990511378254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654415544825157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695480562001595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904580683825836,0.0,0.15255403235131482,0.0,0.0,0.06914679264543114
suicidewatch,Karvast,2019/02/21,"I don't know what to do It's been a long time that i feel like this,i'm only 17 and i feel like my life is just dull.i go to school every single day just to see their stupid faces once again,again and again i'm exhausted by them.i've been bulied by those folks for way to long.and i just can't and my only freaking wish would be to split their head in half with an axe while i just laughs my ass of as they are dying on the floor,i'm stupid and i can't have my life together i just go trought life in chaos as shits just smash my face as they go by.
At first i just waited for the days to come to finally rest at home alone but life is just as boring as staying behind my screen all night stressing about the next day. 
And a thought just came in my mind.What if i gave up ? What if i died ? Can i just quit,i feel like i don't have much to live for and the future doesn't promise me a lot.just let me destroy anything that i ever did cause it' bullshit and it will just be forgot if i die.
..",1.7086663052317697,2.7994780829493098,2.602060178910275,99.14241799945783,76.92626728110598,5.658877744646246,19.677148278666305,5.5289334501034215,-0.5000960151802656,772,15,194,3,17,243,121,217,0.207,0.746,0.047,-0.9881,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,1,14,13,4,1,8,0,20,10,5,1,2,37,36,17,3,5,15,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,8,10,0,2,5,0,0,5,5,8,0,2,7,5,27,5,30,24,4,27,0,0,2,1,5,7,2,3,16,124,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270460214676145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009444921923364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402983734442523,0.0,0.12601280304776055,0.0,0.10566676206456266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373302083208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819269498567717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095932772375833,0.10335224125633027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860723685036421,0.2628999959987876,0.0,0.13437570670855822,0.0,0.10434049073786676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914345530523235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589173529412265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304500643223246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674145772498396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254353222932805,0.34657332981343586,0.17978670566935842,0.0,0.1083172116880037,0.21711287645269825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428709998726254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385870537044427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017436201347497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045775013067595,0.11511467334253422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306363555915918,0.0,0.1865875679000332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047145788380893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414555668875052,0.09774972025002576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259159165923517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074670464907825,0.0,0.0,0.1405146383640291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973838989519632,0.07152811635716523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736735790945217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410610005282798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713911998623547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PunnyPolace,2019/02/21,"Am I destined for failure? Expressing your thoughts and emotions is believed to be healthy, so forgive my ranting. I'm terrible at pacing and organizing my thoughts correctly.

Even though it's been two months since i've left a psychiatric hospital from a failed attempt. I don't feel any different. There's still this laziness factor that doesn't want me to be productive. I still believe that I am destined to die, because of my weakness as a human being. The weak perish, while the strong prevail, right?

 I'm attending weekly therapy sessions, and trying to look for a job, so that I don't become a freeloader to my parents. Though poor academic performance is one of the reasons that drove me to my first attempt, I guess I'll cut my gap year short to try and go back to a different university in state. Perhaps I'll have better luck staying on track.

Regardless, I think i'll resume making my plans for my next(and hopefully my last) suicide attempt. Perhaps this could be added to the revison of my suicide letter?

I lost the very few friends I had, because of my introversion. Social anxiety has caused me to appear unapproachable; however, I am quite friendly. Don't even get me started on my foul-smelling breath conundrum..

My parents are still supporting me, however I feel as if i'm being rushed to move on(perhaps this is an overreaction).
I am tired of everything.
I still feel okay with dying.
I don't care about the future.
If for some unknown reason, I were to die at this very moment, I wouldn't mind in the slightest.


Tl;dr: Life sucks.

Anyways, how is your day going? I hope you're doing better than I am.


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suicidewatch,bryks,2019/02/21,I feel like not trying to kill myself is a job If things don't get better I'm quitting. But things didn't get better the last time.,-0.9139655172413796,1.2045540689655176,1.0719827586206918,100.29004310344831,94.51724137931036,2.9000000000000004,10.698275862068963,3.1291,-1.92176551724138,104,1,24,0,4,34,24,29,0.155,0.644,0.201,0.3455,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150094718729263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721774467405874,0.2080026432565296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30423506639001163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889284299651489,0.0,0.3221221196036028,0.0,0.0,0.2373318429114028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224461989639098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096813448733227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868635919143877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977600794090078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976765140277907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RazzPizzaz,2019/02/21,"I can't fucking understand anything. I'm so fucking stupid, I can't understand my textbook even though I made notes. I posted her before, and I was right, it doesn't get better, only worse. It's like my life is an endless graph of diminishing returns. I have a final tomorrow and I planned for an all nighter, and I have all these expectations and I can't fucking live with myself knowing I'm gonna let them down. I'm gonna wait till everyone's asleep and take the keys to the terrace. ",1.1068181818181806,3.5977311212121243,2.8840656565656566,89.07943181818182,86.27272727272728,5.724242424242425,25.421717171717173,7.1686216300943375,1.327935353535354,387,17,78,6,12,128,65,99,0.11,0.861,0.029,-0.7892,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,6,4,0,5,0,9,5,1,1,2,14,24,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,14,2,6,19,2,7,0,0,0,3,2,2,3,0,5,47,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626833755450013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822102521540716,0.0,0.0,0.1748421906019307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305734639418879,0.0,0.0,0.18890283419288573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656152885430008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482882076817065,0.10328572263361856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864615542417656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215309622207647,0.13963545197813482,0.09658214965863966,0.0,0.17456534026097872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706061003288885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035340077234066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933394438774886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882758064484615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486395104751282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942310328564968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116079390386111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146467073194865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,macdennischardee,2019/02/21,I’m tired I’m tired of crying and fighting and hurting. I’m tired of nothing ever changing at all. I’m tired of feelings. I fucking hate myself so much. Not good enough. Worthless. Want to die. I’m ready him to get out of the bathroom so I can go inside and lock the door and get my razors. I’m tired of being a disappointment. A manipulator and a liar.  ,-1.0168191268191258,0.9316856756756772,1.7786486486486484,92.4491995841996,104.4054054054054,3.3580041580041584,19.205821205821206,5.369823440869387,-0.21054345114345047,276,10,58,2,13,95,44,74,0.429,0.504,0.067,-0.987,0,0,0,0,2,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,5,0,2,6,0,1,2,12,15,7,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,5,1,9,14,3,4,0,3,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,33,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687630241695014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289494419674871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539066556040378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322823574166472,0.0,0.0,0.1341411941035345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498233876257553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709621174136538,0.1549558910987057,0.0,0.08427938840024789,0.12438269572634335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464104761548902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587527185155779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901378771982184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229292109107755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8522156528569461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746815269708767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pearbby,2019/02/21,"Just really tired of living My life is relatively alright, I have a family and a girlfriend who loves me but idk its almost as if I have a really weak desire to live. I don't consider myself depressed or even sad but I've constantly had this thought that living is real tiring and I've had enough of it. I genuinely don't have the motivation to go through life, I don't feel like doing anything, just sort of wish i could stop existing somehow. The only thing really stopping me from progressing further into this dark path is the thought of how sad my parents and siblings would be if i left them and it honestly makes me tear up just thinking about it. Wish i could just disappear and have no one care about it.

Not really sure what i was trying to accomplish with this post, this thought has stuck with me for 2 years now so guess I sort of just needed an outlet for my thoughts.",5.445288311688311,5.959625560000003,6.123116883116883,79.49870129870129,67.68571428571428,9.792207792207792,30.19480519480519,9.800150414767053,2.736485714285714,703,25,137,15,11,230,108,175,0.184,0.6659999999999999,0.149,-0.6164,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,12,10,0,0,7,1,19,6,0,3,1,44,34,13,0,9,11,1,1,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,7,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,8,1,19,6,19,22,1,12,0,3,0,1,5,4,0,8,6,101,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274395933835999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472996006890807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297572663570042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753049719605542,0.0,0.20322480947412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961494646873797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150091061715946,0.0,0.08405870371745623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997607320675545,0.0,0.0643500578059706,0.09091962485219984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232881242315513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019903293777694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382760509522476,0.0,0.1797849996766106,0.062176265050024264,0.0,0.3371374804653677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486350534357513,0.0,0.08495176178210544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943669245998316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623946470713384,0.09679234652194676,0.0,0.0,0.14131502736577428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188667937943508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485779532038146,0.32612219216010835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21280194912605271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994771341958176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455059054814798,0.08154760377626079,0.0,0.40414337135545,0.0,0.29254956529506776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640599088604682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29270171421454805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040687964638723,0.0,0.0,0.08195582462524541
suicidewatch,Nadia-Karza,2019/02/21,"A Strange Life: struggling to find a reason to live **Please, just leave if you are anti-trans or if you're transphobic or anti-LGBT in any way. I identify as a woman.**

*TLDR: I hate myself for existing, and I am out of energy, time and money, can't function normally any more and want to die*

Please excuse the poor grammar and syntax, I am in an extremely suicidal state and am struggling to concentrate on anything. First Reddit post, please be gentle, thank you so much.

   **First** off, i don't have any supportive family, i was abused by my parents from childhood- physically and sexually, even r\*\*\*\* by my father. I still struggle with pelvic pain and related problems (unexplained, erm, well, kindof explained bleeding) from being sexually abused so bad. I also don't have any contact with any extended family, because (let me sum up quickly)- i was missing some bits when i was born and looked unusual, but still assigned 'male' at birth (in a country that still does NOT have basic human rights, and this was 21 years ago), even though later on tests found i had different chromosomes to the normal XX/XY and that i had ovaries etc. I had several surgeries from infanthood, which is why i still have very noticeable scars down there... That is all i will say about my biological self.

   Before i go on, no, i don't wish to engage with any 'special groups/societies', because all i want is just to live my life as female, just like any other woman, and not draw any attention as a 'medical anomaly'. I have experienced attention like that before with doctors when i was being tested for chromosomes and inside bits, and i hated it. I just wanted to be treated like a person. Like other, normal women.

   **At present**, I am in the UK, off of my own academic merit.. I had exceptional 'A' Level results, which helped me to secure scholarships and a private sponsorship, which is how i got to the UK to do my undergraduate degree (Law) in 2015. I couldn't live anymore as a dude, because my body was doing its own thing and apparently everybody was just insisting i was a woman, so i just started living as my authentic self, which wasn't too hard. That's because all i ever wore was hoodies, black shirts and jeans.

   I wanted to end my life from when I was 16. All throughout my undergraduate degree i missed 90% of all classes and seminars, always on the verge of being forced to drop out or take a year out (I couldn't take a year out, and still can't because i have 0 financial support from anyone, and my sponsorship had terms). Halfway through my Masters now, and I've still missed 90% of classes, and I can't take a break because my visa will be withdrawn, or be revoked when I am kicked out. That will mean i will be forced to return to my home country, where i will be imprisoned for looking female and 'being female', because that's illegal since i am forced to show as male on my passport (that cannot be changed, trying to do so is also illegal).

   **Additionally, I have been struggling with pretty serious mental health issues since i was 16**\- severe depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, which have all only worsened. I struggle with fatigue, and problems related to having constantly fluctuating hormone levels (I have to take calcium pills because my testosterone is as close to zero as possible and I am at risk of osteoporosis). Doctors are extremely unhelpful and wanting any help, i have to see my specialists which takes months, if not a whole year, which brings me to the **main reason i want to kill myself.**

   I need surgery, 'down there'. You can simplify it to something like what some transgender individuals opt to undergo- 'Gender Reassignment Surgery', i guess, because I am forced to follow that route wait for the UK Gender Clinic, since my doctors have said it's more cosmetic than anything and 'gender related'. From the moment i arrived in the UK, I have been begging for help, and have waited 3 years since my referral date. Even if i get an appointment with the Clinic, i will have to wait a further 2-3 years for a surgical referral, because of endless gatekeeping.

   **Everything mentioned here, my doctors are aware of**, and they are aware i am constantly struggling with pain in my pelvis and \*sex parts\*. They only always provide one explanation or the other, and give me painkillers, which work to some extent but *don't cover the part where it feels like someone is stabbing a sharp metal rod into your pelvis*. There is no way i can wait any longer. I've forced myself to live on since i was 15/16, and I am starting to experience psychosis (auditory and visual hallucinations indistinguishable from reality, even though i know it's not real), and disassociation where i completely lose track of time, and can't remember what I was doing, and have huge chunks of my memory missing where i have to check my emails, letters, etc to try and recall. My mind is undergoing extreme stress (if i may say so),  because I can't even have surgery that i need to lead a normal (sex) life, free from constant, debilitating, humiliating pain, because I am stuck without a real passport, without hope, without familial support.

   I am shit poor and am actively trying to find work, even though i need to secure my Masters degree first, because it is the only way I can survive without things leading to me being imprisoned, but i can't even do that, because I am so depressed and anxious, and burst into tears every time I try to get any work done. I don't need advice, or people telling me what to do; I've had enough of that to last a thousand lifetimes, and it doesn't help anything except rub more salt into my wounds.

   I'm sorry, i really don't mean to be drab, long-winded and melodramatic. **I am just hurting so bad I can't distinguish between what's real and what's not, everything feels so surreal**. I can't stop thinking about wanting to jump off that 8-storey carpark 5 minutes away, or tightly constricting my elbow with rubber bands before i slash myself there with a very sharp knife, or just popping my secret stockpile of sleeping pills and birth control pills. The only thing on my mind is wanting to die, because I am so motherfucking tired, and I literally can't function any more. So many deadlines that can't be shifted anymore, so many things to worry about- my complete lack of a legal identity, my FUCKING MESS OF A BODY that is monstrous to me and everybody else (dates are known to run away immediately after i disclose, not that it's their fault), and how I've completely lost the will to live, and literally can't think straight any more, or do anything.

   I have to wait years (in addition to the many years and the loads of shit I've already experienced) before any prospect of corrective, appropriate surgery THAT I ACTUALLY MOTHERFUCKING CONSENT TO, and I am completely out of money, energy, and mental resources to 'try' or to 'will' myself on, like i have done since i was 15, with increasingly diminishing success. 

​",6.284683100195927,7.369187839659183,6.776634072994032,73.52939818654033,66.0333075135554,9.576456007654805,33.93339408575204,9.715903303933242,3.4008633362190737,5515,242,943,113,85,1799,498,1291,0.177,0.75,0.073,-0.9993,3,0,1,0,2,4,237.0,0,4,3,15,60,57,7,9,42,0,134,34,9,8,8,188,196,99,4,28,38,2,7,7,0,9,22,3,1,10,47,74,0,11,19,2,8,8,34,36,1,6,31,17,135,22,152,139,30,112,1,10,4,3,36,48,3,22,56,675,182,19,0.0,0.08347447481239867,0.03437564910321732,0.0,0.0,0.03442259423541701,0.031225863941646805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03887294167962835,0.05634069219168208,0.058621971291439035,0.038167527841622466,0.04280363807553923,0.3353699387655797,0.0,0.0269479147101461,0.03979553219433087,0.06986976703988372,0.0246309489587346,0.0,0.1159525073950455,0.0,0.0,0.04007484052252752,0.06619227066508622,0.0,0.058824741628814924,0.3221030874797061,0.0,0.11989946486508694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769156828196124,0.07825664148859858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03726460469943375,0.0,0.1477358272457038,0.11420088852328468,0.0395091319168315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068047711782335,0.0,0.07311838172285573,0.03680383795733788,0.0,0.14422186287530336,0.030826648546260105,0.07209718048093773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029426935169282138,0.0,0.03119992060951698,0.03639803810857686,0.07857295632204278,0.1628658174939217,0.031864076952123045,0.029679557691308527,0.0,0.06331799943634213,0.03445794222415381,0.09962426109908004,0.0,0.03562280816639772,0.025165574555010374,0.0,0.0,0.0643921410900811,0.0898900568604055,0.0,0.038623664408854334,0.0,0.032566015756499936,0.036808427650815566,0.033792140919900585,0.02001983757048279,0.0,0.028173576793507082,0.0,0.0388055848412425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03155571874799093,0.06955707692889057,0.0,0.03744375906360549,0.0,0.0,0.09444540559298738,0.0,0.03533470897815863,0.03498752353262559,0.0,0.0,0.03771033106530111,0.0,0.0,0.03676695726135689,0.0,0.0,0.038972525011159734,0.0,0.019359375378801853,0.02871402061799244,0.0,0.037299415423945236,0.0,0.03602113354559955,0.09952510958088916,0.12046805135287897,0.0,0.1866320591122476,0.03117404162635475,0.05916220213806143,0.03940906067760645,0.03845351303885463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071413867709149,0.0,0.07674322666399037,0.0,0.03548664854547085,0.07099936464718397,0.0,0.07113675614437104,0.0,0.02811718350804092,0.0,0.02589527955197532,0.10447900023365067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805662379761513,0.0,0.04010521474493784,0.0,0.0,0.023870156549805132,0.10716432306940013,0.1124493483005966,0.041330306909540634,0.039114480099294864,0.07629299343143328,0.0,0.02442138280442324,0.030758122724259106,0.0,0.11600323091411464,0.0,0.03971220069826793,0.033736922278024606,0.035837667062016465,0.0,0.06741335226526239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028524052762707,0.02256677904850059,0.07243671535919399,0.0,0.0,0.039904370467503635,0.03008294674798237,0.03350814328829497,0.05602650996929801,0.0,0.0,0.02807068744909499,0.0,0.07349713137189143,0.07959106438866173,0.07231829064041312,0.17483665316439498,0.0,0.035251598248020585,0.0,0.029847009646374063,0.027118817682788718,0.0,0.03943280025105442,0.0498665123590078,0.0,0.16878993331208236,0.02945064569331883,0.04035144535913118,0.220956174681512,0.0,0.03853169978464822,0.1199226810984606,0.0,0.0,0.1324284356024725,0.0,0.03078921504297517,0.03243151381377198,0.0,0.0,0.09361077736818628,0.045142999785800005,0.10382856514160406,0.0,0.061621968624016275,0.04048728703201844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958124602786165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813053962078187,0.16621840692718945,0.08388265453740812,0.0,0.0,0.031672546837186365,0.0,0.03178612882139036,0.03932874778546347,0.04050834362449158,0.1358270383568108,0.0,0.07693518843421655,0.035773873710405565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280363807553923,0.18147592827636413
suicidewatch,wackenadoII,2019/02/21,"Leaning towards the end... Hey 23 here. For the past week, I've done nothing productive, ZERO. Sleeping and repeating, that's all. Well, as a matter of fact I feel like doing nothing. Whenever I try to do something, idk something is hold me back and take me back to the same starting point. I've been smoking cigarettes and gazing on the ceiling fan. Pain is holding me back. Overdose is also an option. K don't know what I'm doing, even little things seem to trigger me. Fuckk",1.847796442687745,4.500547554347829,3.1913833992094887,87.07851778656128,84.32608695652175,5.084584980237153,26.841897233201585,6.574015621080383,1.379921739130435,373,17,67,4,11,121,69,92,0.052000000000000005,0.858,0.08900000000000001,0.3182,0,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,9,2,1,1,2,14,15,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,6,2,8,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,9,45,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064372771292085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633931467005594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055700663145028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779201268599237,0.0,0.0,0.1326793985532715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015710044168976,0.14350876956925793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039843871508598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813986043437953,0.2013346136427009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854997098022944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375056863504868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917627667883448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898966061498283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287368066002144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010251535829144,0.0,0.0,0.30929459999594583,0.0,0.0,0.1421839548250372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103682061976828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345579940132435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638438847087994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113388359021294,0.0,0.18061531699956185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ultradian98,2019/02/21,"Suicide protection factors I'm suicidal, and have no doubt I would be able to carry it out.

But I currently have a ""protection factor"" that is my sister has kidney disease, and will need a transplant that I would be a match for.

Is it enough to live for this single reason ?

It's the only arguement that "" talks me of the ledge"" metaphorically.",4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,5.63692307692308,77.80307692307693,70.53846153846153,8.892307692307693,28.384615384615394,9.3871,2.665369230769231,270,10,48,6,5,89,47,65,0.205,0.795,0.0,-0.9287,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,10,1,1,1,0,9,12,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,39,12,0,0.2830331090758609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29244886119447194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499234207209225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986546408024775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525943341254936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910051752277353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6191845663930068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22749129197155424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021172001417544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirkova,2019/02/21,"If I've failed this course , I will have no option but to kill myself I just nneed to put this downw somewhere so I know it's reaal withouttelling anyone who will really worry about it",3.576666666666668,5.3196313513513545,3.890270270270271,89.1382882882883,73.32432432432431,7.095495495495496,17.738738738738736,7.793537801064563,0.28280900900900896,148,2,30,2,3,46,30,37,0.343,0.657,0.0,-0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,20,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308219467283851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234457923124578,0.0,0.26001865624384063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756241008090153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030977729977741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804842299303669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nak10,2019/02/21,"May 31,2019 That'll be the day that I die. Drove the Chevy to the levy...... But the levy was dry! And that'll be the day that I die. Really my whole house of cards will collapse on 
May 31,2019.",-0.5578048780487848,1.5289971219512208,0.2714146341463426,107.72175609756098,89.97560975609754,4.255609756097561,15.517073170731704,5.6839178017228535,-1.1934721951219514,146,3,39,1,5,44,26,41,0.249,0.7509999999999999,0.0,-0.906,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308929451379694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6934204853892695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854700652563512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401276276594974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729754233691364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mentalhealthwarrior1,2019/02/21,"I tried to kill myself twice, and ended up living on the streets of Los Angeles for 13 days with my puppy. I think sharing part of my story here might be helpful to someone...

[https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/i-love-you-cindy-ill-always-love-you-please-forgive-me-i-was-no-longer-going-be-her-momma-and-watch-her-grow-up-do-it-now-the-voice-says/](https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/i-love-you-cindy-ill-always-love-you-please-forgive-me-i-was-no-longer-going-be-her-momma-and-watch-her-grow-up-do-it-now-the-voice-says/)",46.84666666666667,59.478285888888884,17.27888888888889,-7.444999999999991,-18.222222222222236,7.022222222222222,28.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.0064,476,6,26,2,3,86,32,36,0.114,0.7509999999999999,0.136,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,1,81.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,8,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004550563252888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233280864864252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555285531815246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402472522074108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917497833952221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7839550407475621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303646633511283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23515517700394506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268851667989998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839927500744728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914266078259746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743240662751814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brattybarbie,2019/02/21,"Tonight will be it I’m so exhausted. Every time I take a step forward, I take two steps back. Third time’s the charm I guess. ",-1.808888888888888,-0.15602077777777806,0.06414814814814918,104.22066666666667,108.62962962962965,3.641481481481482,16.511111111111113,5.6839178017228535,-0.7210088888888886,97,3,24,1,5,31,22,27,0.13,0.762,0.108,-0.1384,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887753718385039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164177332310232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137115289883808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5647349039967104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379733649681806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668585466972877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OriginalTrek,2019/02/21,"What is the easiest way to end it? Hello this is my first time ever using reddit. I don't even know if this is the proper place for this post, if it's not then just delete it I guess.   


So here's my question:  What is the easiest and most painless way to end it? I live in the UK so a gun is out of the qustion.   


I've previously tried to slit my wrists but couldn't commit fully, and people ended up finding out and an ambulance was called. I've thought about jumping off a bridge or a building, but the thought of surviving terrifies me. I almost jumped infront of a train a few weeks ago, but again, the thought of the pain and potentially surviving made me not do it, also I wouldn't want to fuck up other people's day.   


I have been buying pills for 3 days now from local shops near me, I was planning on going for another round today and then taking them tonight. However I have just read that even if you take a high enough dose, you can sometimes just throw up and then become disabled, which I don't want to do. 

Ideally I would do it with a gun, as I think that would be the easiest way to do it. I've often day dreamed about how easy it would be to do, just put it upto my head and pull a trigger, but that isn't available to me.   


So I'm wondering if I should continue with the pills (Paracetamol) or is there a better method? I don't have access to rope or anything to hang it from, and I don't think I could go through with hanging anyway. I don't know if this will get any replies, thanks in advance if there are.",5.459544950055496,4.5097614842767335,6.139885312615615,84.35985016648173,67.80503144654088,9.36914539400666,30.34110247872735,8.4952907291091,1.9597304476507584,1184,37,264,15,17,389,162,318,0.066,0.825,0.11,0.9304,1,0,1,2,0,0,32.0,0,2,1,7,21,5,1,0,20,0,35,7,2,4,2,62,56,30,0,16,19,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,21,13,0,0,10,3,2,10,10,2,0,1,7,1,27,3,36,39,3,46,0,0,1,1,6,13,1,15,19,188,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070034766988406,0.0,0.12087514775271688,0.0,0.0,0.09653295670850316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208797108351233,0.12657655083564096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933529338374768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331638694660228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675952746318322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325995543774812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963783241141572,0.0,0.0,0.2335468271756037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32074372553966163,0.12472726551018255,0.0,0.15945763733199314,0.1091904781897524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103281398650322,0.10267715488133464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159585254988272,0.06306678556300795,0.0,0.13720627406760888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297734535398048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388484194068965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753834546450687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267978596978944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065904812422665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422015627540115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844556511623745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737233408497032,0.0,0.12611784335752207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560826575089525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213484155502949,0.13522452541427069,0.0,0.12074418347031896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938677711551307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815200764306636,0.0,0.0,0.11113494695183312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469413223353926,0.0,0.2874943831947153,0.07038785642695299,0.0,0.11442040389677813,0.0,0.0,0.0819551964798947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104255993671048,0.0,0.0,0.14239756076716825,0.28744555113042863,0.09682749790694706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309064912158865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25724999535016074,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abayc,2019/02/21,"Leaving a note At this point I’m just kinda saving up to OD on something, but I’m concerned about people blaming themselves when I am gone. It’s definitely nobody’s fault that I am just the worst, but because of how I joke around certain people, I’m scared that when I die they’ll think they should have done something about the things I was saying. The only way I can think to resolve this is to write letters, but I would probably need to write a few and, honestly, I just can’t give a fuck about writing them. I’m a perfectionist and there’s no way I’ll ever be satisfied with whatever I decide to leave to some of the most important people to me. ",7.997543859649127,5.764903804511281,8.137706766917294,76.20049498746869,63.58646616541353,10.971929824561405,35.700501253132835,9.2995712137729,3.0234471177944857,518,18,105,7,6,170,83,133,0.208,0.62,0.172,-0.8206,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,12,9,1,1,8,0,12,1,0,1,2,27,22,8,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,1,13,5,17,15,4,11,0,0,0,1,9,5,1,3,3,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713526791324516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173372200289957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976929695495466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697923720061367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741139259610951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779495092481344,0.0,0.18464938843309076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40762816793814094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427253717289859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639370411240804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003351024916728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196077520912685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075316522111931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307199426034138,0.19271131163761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29636909434207914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787864516156158,0.24667354821470244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055716593431354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367359968453537,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vanessaisgorgeous333,2019/02/21,"Can someone talk me out of committing suicide? Prefer a male

 I'm sorry no offense but I do not like African American people nothing against them just don't want to talk to them 

Anyways any Caucasian male willing to chat with me

Not looking for a date",1.5828571428571436,4.331824428571434,2.5522448979591843,89.23204081632656,90.42857142857142,4.4326530612244905,31.489795918367342,6.18269132825596,1.8590734693877544,203,12,36,2,7,64,39,49,0.224,0.753,0.023,-0.7813,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,8,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,2,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278565862656784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369647820183625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813713186497911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215051690676702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322927962315049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839006040497088,0.0,0.0,0.3750793109019507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665081686081942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5386272289085791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197630795722538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boundzy32,2019/02/21,"I'm a 24 year old man with an almost 2 year old daughter and March is one year since my attempt 
I was watching the fine brothers channel and rewatched their logic react for 1-800-273-8255.

I grew up rough. Money was always an issue and the bullying was terrible. I remember giving a speech in 5th grade, everyone else got clapping, I didnt. People hated me. Hated everything about me. When we consolidated the schools it only got worse. Eventually I dropped out. A year later, Christmas 2011 I decided I wanted to go back August 2012. The bullying didnt stop, but i had to graduate. Eventually I went to college and the bullying continued there. By people my age and adults.

when I was 10 years old my uncle assaulted me. It's a traumatic experience that's kept with me my whole adult life. I didnt tell my mother till a week after I was 18. 

I finally got help. June 1st 2014 I got my first script for my medication. and it worked. I've been stable 90% of the time since.

But next month... will be a one year mark since I tried taking my own life through OD on sleeping pills. My daughter was 10 months old and Alyssa and I separated. I was lost, knew the time I was gonna see my daughter was significantly cut. I lost the loves of my life.

Fast forward to now. Alyssa and I are still separated. But I see my daughter more and more. She is almost 2. But I am happy. I have friends now who stay by my side always. My family and I have never been closer.

You can have a loving family, a perfect daughter, and a good life, and still suffer from wanting to end your life. 

Take this from someone who has been depressed more than half his life, and has tried suicide. Dont. Weather you know it or not, people care. Even if they dont check up on you every day. Even if you had a falling out 2 years ago and havent talked since. They will care. And will be effected.

If you are feeling the way I felt, please give the suicide hotline a call. They can help guide you to places to help. Needing help isn't bad, it's a sign you want to get better.

1-800-273-8255 is the american suicide hotline. 

Please, be like me, and survive.",1.5875288092189486,3.834488779342724,3.2821532223644923,88.77556017925737,81.39436619718309,6.2201451131028564,22.827358087921468,7.435244526350478,0.9591286384976528,1644,56,342,25,44,545,218,426,0.153,0.6940000000000001,0.153,-0.5692,0,0,0,0,0,3,67.0,1,8,4,9,11,21,4,0,25,0,40,11,1,2,2,51,72,28,4,7,9,7,3,1,1,4,8,1,0,3,9,22,0,2,8,1,2,5,9,10,0,4,27,7,59,11,30,38,5,58,0,4,3,2,39,11,0,6,42,209,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356725086604037,0.0,0.1436159100193032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933817307051885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514113837525735,0.059875478789581875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342232863790327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322469092383414,0.0,0.14622777266234144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046247499645340126,0.0,0.06176436172955845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808892395596367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990512780111126,0.0,0.06351443739369322,0.0,0.0,0.09472854478660804,0.0,0.060419397614816725,0.06852269231795048,0.06444899590332186,0.07014687125338162,0.1352050212704783,0.0,0.036259108595008034,0.0,0.06885356333198274,0.07855561867555623,0.0,0.060997125176810274,0.0,0.0,0.055403545620276086,0.0,0.03746590580866552,0.13758296668237016,0.040754870370230165,0.06014757269657636,0.22941454265903236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633742415311494,0.0,0.1415990336379487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226480976454727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484738933664868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941035141938305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039085301220757,0.03503424897112769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565615039243979,0.0,0.12944349875842848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224103373730338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447766896327985,0.0,0.0,0.05317261061612842,0.05530774928735136,0.0,0.07626519349039214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009934657551181,0.0,0.09718611676837376,0.05453925487195576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914560924162906,0.0,0.07492246826666384,0.1574337328092053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123429772510046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257510490834147,0.114288362646643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372794854301765,0.0,0.07176253612865177,0.0,0.0607602836333926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764341153998517,0.11453659114724135,0.05995339589170508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353197558680432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783511519131636,0.05763838247315471,0.06267835408053875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363022708146141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737378064968133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689057048316765,0.05692065349260179,0.05752203610640805,0.0,0.0,0.06647658135730945,0.0,0.08006248862794277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220627823955104,0.0,0.07307937810719425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232555917553725
suicidewatch,chatzouren,2019/02/21,"Hey :) I'm not sure if DMing is a thing on reddit as I've just joined, but I'm here for anyone who just feels lonely or wants to talk about anything at all. Tell me about what's got you down or just tell me about something good that's happened. Either, way I'm here.",5.046494252873567,3.6538049137931066,5.174137931034483,92.40132183908048,68.82758620689657,7.733333333333332,24.50574712643678,3.1291,0.1530505747126436,207,3,51,0,3,65,44,58,0.081,0.8190000000000001,0.1,0.2776,0,2,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,13,8,5,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,9,7,2,4,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,0,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194844671323129,0.0,0.2583109398352287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158716034068711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632823741997447,0.2510525477558328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27757856894068106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416536714982911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958447283290545,0.0,0.0,0.2522989624056584,0.5487205928160692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853958593840435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185144909221305,0.2491572663810291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wayward4,2019/02/21,"I can't do anything, I can't even die I cry for help but no one will listen. I tell people about my pain and they make it even worse. I can't even kill myself cause I'm so afraid of pain. All I've left to do is suffer in silence

There's no afterlife for me, I'm already in Hell",-1.788269230769231,0.0064225384615390615,1.012596153846154,102.27427884615388,92.84615384615385,3.8653846153846163,14.278846153846152,5.148860815047168,-1.2881923076923076,215,4,57,1,8,74,46,65,0.361,0.508,0.131,-0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,2,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,5,11,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,0,1,9,0,7,10,1,3,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484331698178271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852602846337484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126737529813374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24729136586549874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336462145451477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460826500762617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089783839598345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906959715376825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24460107251629895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027397659214373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255183681721696,0.0,0.4791018608350951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607466991922922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677086319756434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294235788900313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrueRaitzo,2019/02/21,"I don't know if I can fight back any more. I am sorry Internet.
I don't know if I can take any longer, I have been diagnosed with depression for a year but had episodes before, I have been medicated and lately things were good but I fall back into my old patterns and I skip work 3 days in a row, I think I might be fired, for a good reason, but I am so tired of trying to pick me up.
All day, every day, pretending everything is fine, but in the back of my mind, the thought of ending it all.
I am sorry for dumping this on you anonymous reader, but I don't want to do that to my significant other anymore, she deserves better, she has her own issues.
Wish you all the best.
PS: I am sorry if it is a bad reading english is not my native language.",2.2643459915611786,3.313038493670888,4.257658227848103,87.98855485232069,75.45569620253164,7.038818565400844,23.926160337552748,7.492282038375204,0.9301375527426154,574,17,128,7,12,197,96,158,0.16399999999999998,0.68,0.156,0.1732,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,2,0,3,4,9,2,0,7,0,22,3,0,2,3,26,29,11,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,5,1,25,5,15,22,6,16,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,4,10,96,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291910091757594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067225109364498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32721044133256416,0.11843475619725227,0.0,0.0,0.12069975571742833,0.0,0.1488577096717459,0.12545048793829516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27443511714421914,0.0,0.12217100006542154,0.14396981812155546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563268068658115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951063725507514,0.0,0.12748125395025234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379459255168413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804946010100556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590874449307307,0.0,0.16000748163155126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289404262106195,0.0,0.15047526418196633,0.1432231428024668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488425999019989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188351233838345,0.0,0.0,0.14584041486199273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763520200439849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664988268459874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423559957980013,0.09088862994724804,0.0,0.11260918660939168,0.0,0.1630301072627722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630353029641522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366393100430668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631148958169366,0.0,0.0,0.10326494184699483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134361123378483
suicidewatch,deathbycottoncandy,2019/02/21,I want to end it all but I'm too cowardly to push through with it. Sometimes I wish I had an aneurysm so I don't have to bear the responsibility of finding my own way out. I just want everything to stop.,-0.00977272727272549,2.0846484772727294,2.5919999999999987,92.15300000000002,86.95454545454545,6.247272727272727,24.70909090909091,7.554174236665415,1.0806781818181816,159,7,39,3,5,55,34,44,0.14,0.722,0.139,-0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,7,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,8,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245246273517368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32929971888243403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348860379033275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623822971652724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30632961982528223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322283960443112,0.29083393668127105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213457875070455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zeraora22,2019/02/21,"I will commit suicide on my 23th birthday (March 3) My case is way different than most of the suicide cases that I read on the internet... I've already made a bunch of threads on Reddit about my situation and I can't hold it no more. I suffer from a extremely rare prion disease called Sporadic Fatal Insomnia an I have approximately more 20 months of life, but I don't think that I want it. I suffer from severe apathy, total absence of Slow Wave Sleep (restorative sleep), extremely severe memory loss, breathing from just one nostril (dysautonomia), don't have any emotion (can't get excited or even cry), dementia (mild now, but it is getting progressively worse) and severe cognitive impairment.

I'm going to end this miserable life soon.",7.626833333333334,8.186556748148151,8.035694444444445,67.50687500000002,63.0,11.49074074074074,36.875,11.20814326018867,4.5327222222222225,591,27,95,16,8,195,95,135,0.275,0.7040000000000001,0.021,-0.9896,1,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,5,0,9,7,4,1,2,13,16,5,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,1,11,1,13,14,5,11,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,2,6,60,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930284103186034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049327853978057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591220868558598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784787614908554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975902572573184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277029251199886,0.14391075549053667,0.0,0.0,0.10731777691943754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978019585190327,0.0,0.09234222053395834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295315730017485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374432301848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969151978143031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010195525023228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252589167627748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5506749688478895,0.0,0.0,0.18263648778467406,0.3251985285227981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554577010463182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411185473180262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583604721588908,0.12897058658270927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558295949306806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perilous-thinking,2019/02/21,"The entire world seems like a nightmarish dystopian hellscape to me.  The horror of the reality in which I cope, is unspeakable. The terrific fear and sadness that I feel every day is hardly painful, but the boiling anger that I feel in total contempt of my own existence fucking hurts. My ears ring as I overheat and clench my jaw, at the absurdity of the world around me. I can't do the things I want to do, because I am unable to look away from the horror. There is no hope, and no happiness, there is only temporary relief, and almost always necessitated by chemical restraints. I killed a cockroach and I felt envious of it for having been killed so unexpectedly and quickly. My life isn't worth more than a cockroach, and I wouldn't hesitate to kill one of those. The only thing stopping me from killing myself and others is a walnut sized piece of brain that makes me uncomfortable, and forces me to go on living, serving it. Fuck this ",7.351016949152544,7.4090016440678,7.446333333333339,73.20170338983056,63.632768361581924,10.243841807909604,34.64915254237288,9.888512548439397,3.356134915254237,749,30,133,14,10,242,111,177,0.292,0.595,0.113,-0.992,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,17,9,1,14,0,13,8,3,1,1,22,24,12,4,3,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,11,10,1,1,4,0,1,1,5,13,0,1,2,7,20,4,23,21,4,12,0,2,1,2,0,8,2,3,4,102,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616690286919648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145793004021185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299433879381508,0.0,0.0,0.13714271292028155,0.0,0.0,0.08898136859608842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294971736098762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413795153608047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229852071597537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425574562061918,0.14761265944470464,0.0,0.1401531641221545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26989204056459565,0.0,0.0,0.08295756616452106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538675150926207,0.13075958367240365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498018718543124,0.0,0.0,0.15626287043647916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.645972438253657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310224588511374,0.07131309707635848,0.0,0.12889333174088374,0.0,0.12257722573991492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743546399740848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891239548604293,0.22203205670892665,0.15532134429099084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288472679598975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203664890336298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395068091569653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609631847584384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,malevolentbiochemist,2019/02/21,"I’m kind because all I’ve known is pain. I’ve been suicidal for eleven years. I don’t drive because I know I’ll try and wrap myself around a tree. I pace slowly in high places because I know if I stop, I’ll be on and then off a ledge in seconds. I’ve never been secure in any relationship because I can’t believe anyone would ever love me or want to be my friend. I’ve accepted I’ll kill myself, sometime.

All because of this, I am kind.

I seek out people in need of help because I know dark days, months, years. I know the feeling of completely isolation. And I know the moments that have kept me off ledges, guns out of my hands. They were small — someone smiling at me. A text. Unwarranted kindness. I’m fragile, always close to that decision, I know that. It’s hard to believe not everyone knows they’re going to kill themselves.

But they know sadness. And they need kindness.

I want to help people while I’m still here.
Even if it’s small. Even if it’s not for a long time.",1.258400852878463,3.4572720398009937,2.7607675906183395,92.31701492537312,82.33333333333333,5.420611229566454,23.004264392324096,6.655083550727371,0.5859398720682303,764,27,163,8,21,249,110,201,0.13699999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.166,0.4715,0,1,0,1,0,1,28.0,0,0,3,0,6,12,2,0,6,0,11,3,1,0,4,38,30,11,3,8,7,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,3,12,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,4,4,23,8,22,23,2,31,0,1,0,1,8,16,0,4,13,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709951298586191,0.0,0.0,0.07118383795863861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319247754463369,0.0,0.0,0.0931845767616716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828601656706409,0.0,0.0,0.23586989691541746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975167091952938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750789948062398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382761258109328,0.09468619096673904,0.0,0.10002320256481197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292775343662212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087306378260864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949025814148148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376988437337737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032535327079182,0.11059682432426222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316188196009748,0.436019266090459,0.4602212119606079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263570581608917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944749312894448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835520517694401,0.0,0.0,0.15523309498344476,0.0807332289966572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138353370237536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513947599146673,0.0,0.10936501422506216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238374758379543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869234340002992,0.0,0.1035280673212025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359505639566375,0.08751452196155833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144994687768343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610379048235304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106870043307688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348221983758392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435942092431788,0.0,0.0,0.13481690075677175
suicidewatch,MedsFeckMeUp,2019/02/21,"I'm so close to mental breakdown I don't have friends, nobody would notice if I died.

My family doesn't love me. I got kicked out when I was 18.

I don't have any skills. I barely graduated college, don't have a job and any kind of stress hurts mentally and physically. I can't handle any kind of stress and I feel fucking embarrassed and useless as a human being.

I got desperate and started venting on reddit - therapy doesn't help me. Mods keep deleting my messages despite me not breaking any rules nor being toxic - in my last post I was told to fuck off, stop complaining and hire a prostitute since my ""sex life isn't fulfilling""??

To be honest, I'm expecting same kind of responses here too - it feels like I'm cursed. I'm lonely and I'm not allowed to communicate. It feels exhausting and suffocating.

I'm on medication, it does absolutely nothing. I lay in bed all day and wish I would die in my sleep. I do have tons of pills in case I decide to take a shortcut..

I have no purpose. Existing hurts. I can't go on like this anymore.",1.7749650349650352,4.1368799230769255,3.868426573426575,84.16748251748253,81.5,7.243356643356643,25.319930069930077,8.296473431620573,1.891232692307692,816,33,162,18,22,278,120,208,0.239,0.7090000000000001,0.051,-0.9893,2,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,4,19,2,3,4,0,21,9,1,1,1,27,41,14,2,5,3,0,3,2,1,2,4,0,1,1,4,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,12,11,0,0,5,3,24,8,19,31,3,18,0,4,0,4,7,10,2,1,7,93,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337070231413371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166581206261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791185921560364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546453971697669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735828635033197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565199218748512,0.0,0.1860924145220636,0.08764277294669474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947824328567924,0.22683177119492004,0.0,0.0,0.06972199560888623,0.0,0.1962371563273526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222996478930653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626634234856245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174118746198008,0.10904381543842027,0.0,0.3832577085577224,0.0,0.1000007523733799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665266674545417,0.11987071634559082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072368737831237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358741400126855,0.24726561205787526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771497880801568,0.13967224241932558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749373783101287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148234487654023,0.0,0.12276881715956105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683369042043049,0.0,0.0,0.10256615631766693,0.2810595526798482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922402569257668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029552208227195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722620657360773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410761973650691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429701538139952,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForgetfulRuler,2019/02/21,"How do I carry on. So, i recently split my partner of 7 years, and I'm really struggling to see why to carry on. She still has a ton of stuff in my house, but has pretty much decided to wipe me off the face of the earth. 
It's a struggle looking at her stuff everyday, knowing that she's still around, but I can't even talk to her. Knowing that her parents are manipulating her into waking away from us.
She saved me 7 years ago when I was seriously depressed, but now she's gone, I feel like I'm falling and there is nobody to help or catch me?
",3.082108695652174,3.768576286956524,4.894510869565217,85.5748097826087,73.08695652173913,7.836956521739133,26.54891304347826,8.07648339933343,1.4441521739130432,423,14,94,6,8,145,77,115,0.13699999999999998,0.741,0.122,0.0396,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,4,0,7,2,2,2,0,15,15,9,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,3,19,2,17,13,2,20,0,1,2,0,13,8,0,1,10,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621197241879381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280964385398422,0.0,0.0,0.17182987608686776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752169791551318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079620672831415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247397999185114,0.13065566459629266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258638491289052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110289090330781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102160201089975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893501402522517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358037668545166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444417699958722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307616587654448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606347323137828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171631312424181,0.0,0.18058044553518546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573854915647505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921101717195286,0.0,0.0,0.3823897839296465,0.4187274217133995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699894272411831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199924878850642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502853042452295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355485463420181
suicidewatch,a130958123,2019/02/21,"Waited two hours for the suicide hotline chat and got this. https://i.imgur.com/T534Nan.png

I don't know why I'm posting this in the first place. It's not like I want to live. I don't know why anyone would want to live. The world is a terrible place that has nothing good in it. I'll kill myself soon. I have some medicine and I will overdose with it.",1.785,4.337196571428573,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,83.28571428571428,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.17971428571428572,280,8,60,2,8,84,49,70,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,14,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,6,2,6,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636168523686893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804781875799916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556801392149846,0.16741263950310592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613842203220972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23158200068238075,0.0,0.23007402681249794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226337049578564,0.0,0.3696674826544296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084856181291105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373905167555796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20047107432155645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289625351004723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447560783335456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469251813643981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37775819269075456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869520099362726,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway720112,2019/02/21,"Is there anything I can do that'll help some people forgive me before I die? So, my twentieth birthday is in April and I never ever thought I'd make it there. Or even really near there for that matter. I say that every year and yet every year I'm still just as surprised. But if my plans work out right, this time I'll be right. Anyway, a bit of clarification, I'm not depressed. However, I do believe that having suicidal thoughts is just a large part of me. It's a part of me that I've had for a good majority of my life and I don't see it going away until I do. I don't really know how else to describe it. Anyone get that? 

Continuing on. I just feel like shit. I feel like every single piece of me is shit and I'll never change as I don't have the capacity to. I feel like I'm forcing everyone around me to endure and suffer because I'm not worth anything and I'll just drag everyone down. I know that everyone hates me. I've managed to surround myself in genuinely good people who are so selfless that they'll put their own needs to the side just to please other people, namely me. They hate me but wouldn't ever say it to my face unless they've reached their limit for the day. In a heated argument, they'll finally tell me how they really feel saying I'm ""arrogant, argumentative, and a bitch."" I'm ruining everybody's lives. I feel so fucking guilty for everything and no matter how much I say sorry to them, I could never repair the damage I've caused. I'm rotten. I'm actually fucking rotten. And I don't know if there is anything at all I can do to fix this. Is there? I want them to know how much I appreciate everything they've ever done for me. And how much I love them all. 

I'm sorry for using a throwaway. I have some people connected to my main account and I truly don't want anyone I know to see this. I don't want to burden them even more.

I'm sorry if this isn't allowed or anything. I'm sorry for anything else too. I'm just not good at communicating with people, let alone talking about something like this. Thanks for everything.",2.262158975012749,4.041152856132077,4.352774094849568,84.26591279959207,77.04245283018868,7.130953595104541,23.251912289648146,8.00916892397051,1.2576489801121875,1617,50,330,27,37,556,177,424,0.124,0.7390000000000001,0.136,0.4431,2,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,10,3,30,25,7,0,11,0,32,7,3,9,8,74,72,30,2,9,17,0,5,4,0,4,1,4,0,0,20,14,0,1,14,0,2,2,15,14,0,0,4,13,51,11,43,61,16,33,0,4,2,3,21,15,5,7,20,221,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0699398781767406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422882035197274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022708600374808,0.0,0.29489276759351746,0.06380176558184894,0.0,0.0,0.06733660988709425,0.0,0.0,0.04368955212266663,0.0,0.06098614997015232,0.08074788979994711,0.0,0.0,0.07824540956495031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362514474225491,0.07581767853043572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057222905909691285,0.0,0.0,0.04622141696905132,0.0,0.06172952784955345,0.0,0.07438246031110321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334360443031353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974268498463418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946751197584892,0.19448967961776134,0.18115596680401747,0.2054521406189659,0.1932379438280145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811932958698716,0.1536038385783131,0.0,0.07851131485830569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251608240894264,0.037444775777840764,0.0,0.04073188542835846,0.1803409519609502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151917457993454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480390940523954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969406237982091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328774169188115,0.05062285528568148,0.1400579613869104,0.0,0.06328619152757163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646852475909911,0.0,0.047840484475287284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580577598793579,0.05314262231404145,0.16582967042768545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522391010891226,0.0,0.2484358234400656,0.0,0.0,0.078672471646818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204845103033533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774149597185362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241209609940673,0.0,0.22798040962978666,0.0,0.0,0.11422390626760953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713707433286624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517530154373043,0.0,0.3209161505512773,0.0,0.0,0.05723599738611836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839568005797495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760587556395125,0.06264300472690157,0.06598438675039303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379643151316815,0.041791530642653466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619001312919013,0.0,0.0,0.1268190067078415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217683492983682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230665199622297
suicidewatch,Fraaaakkkkk,2019/02/21,"Just curious about why suicide is so Taboo. Really, I gotta know why suicide is such a big trigger for people when: 

\- Therapy is excessively expensive, hard to navigate and out of reach for the majority of people working full time and struggling financially. 

\-Insurance is little more than a coupon for cheaper health services and it doesnt even really make the services affordable because we decided that supply and demand also apply to your health coverage. That on top of the confusing and fragmented way we classify (and charge different for) different aspects of health, despite it all being connected under the umbrella of general health. 

\- Being negative, openly depressed or poor is a social taboo when it comes to trying to make new freinds as if sadness is contagious. I have to worry about not making potential freinds sad, rather than worrying about finding supporting and loving freinds. 

\-The world of romantic relationships is a minefield of wishlists that most of us severely depressed and/or anxious individuals can never live up to, leading to many people abstaining and being isolated, or settling for subpar relationship and still feeling isolated around ""loved ones""

\- The path to financial freedom is often said to be education, which ironically costs boatloads of money. this requires you to be able to take on the workload of two jobs and full time schooling all while suicidally depressed, OR to take out an excessive amount of money from a (probably predatory) loan agent and hope to the gods that you picked the right career.

​

all this and not only do people blame you for your situation, tell you that youre worldview is wrong, or insult you. theyll do so right up until youre ready to knock on deaths door, at which point they feign sympathy (purely out of some knee jerk emotional reaction to tragedy) and try to convince you that its not worth it or that they care (when they didnt yesterday) all while purpetuating the systems that make so many people resort to death.  

​

sorry if this post is not allowed. 

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suicidewatch,mirindaLinda,2019/02/21,"How do you make your family and friends understand their lives would be better off without you Honestly, I feel like their lives would be amazing without me. If I was never born my sister would be better off and would have no doubts our parents love her more (which they do anyway, she just thinks otherwise because I needed more care), my parents wouldnt have to extra care me, my friends would not have to listen to my complaints and my bf would have a relationship with a skinnier, smarter, more compassionate woman that's not a constant downer and a disappointment. 


ONLY IF THEY GOT IT I COULD KILL MYSELF AND END IT ALL BUT NOOOOOOO ALL LIFE IS VALUABLE FOR SOME FUCKING REASON 

I wish they werent attached emotionally to me. I dont want to make them suffer. But now that I exist they just have to suffer because of my existence and my everyday stupid actions (not doing enough in the home, not having a good enough job, mediocre grades etc). If I never existed there would be NO suffering on their part.  If I die they suffer because I existed and now I'll just not be there and humans have stupid unpractical emotions. 


Fuck I wish they were sociopaths everyday ",4.719223744292236,6.817140945205481,4.942214611872147,81.29953196347033,71.05479452054793,7.606392694063928,28.605022831050228,8.344100000000001,2.1529652968036523,933,36,165,15,18,293,119,219,0.222,0.64,0.139,-0.9772,4,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,3,10,3,9,24,5,1,6,0,28,4,0,4,4,51,44,15,2,17,16,3,1,1,3,8,1,1,1,2,5,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,13,11,0,0,3,2,38,13,15,27,11,14,0,5,0,3,28,4,2,6,10,135,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054144894065445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429679929240092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124591689402317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125933674412429,0.0,0.08318796962421092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813372286090377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211097947243403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23440151720766025,0.09228222750496462,0.2153141397703103,0.11620041476702743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822192437411706,0.0,0.052682058533419424,0.074434012363167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609952889866796,0.19264564885174015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739039839165777,0.08333099483894046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451198557696048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339340881150658,0.0,0.11527181317332345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359312640365027,0.05090241946062185,0.0,0.18400497824197365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940363710334151,0.0,0.13909649312876726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725624521390624,0.16071691766350135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924188786949457,0.0,0.0,0.2313833676974488,0.1128286104472766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712561628202476,0.0,0.1118620531571234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667613329634408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084664197282713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145450270348121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396288265595357,0.20087265304042734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518099669436351,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miniscule100,2019/02/21,Please help? Can someone please tell me why I should live? I regret so much. I have things I'll never be able to take back or do over and not get so badly hurt. I'll never go back to being ignorant that people really didn't believe me. Was I really just being a drama queen like some of them thought? I know I put myself in a stupid situation and I know I said and did all the wrong things but I still thought someone would help if I told them I was hurt. It was so long ago but the humiliation comes back in waves again and again and again.,1.7465789473684197,3.4211624298245624,3.243719298245612,92.11136842105265,78.21052631578947,6.314385964912281,18.417543859649122,7.1686216300943375,0.007571228070175184,423,8,97,5,10,139,71,114,0.195,0.7170000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,11,8,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,0,3,24,23,12,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,1,0,3,4,7,0,0,9,1,16,1,6,9,3,17,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,3,12,69,20,0,0.14842008776733995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156545265008854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423776582034433,0.12392457377452118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721861378679514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785076359885786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754337004521941,0.0,0.08435055622044411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989657125385411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177735473044132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631355974326146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725105578949104,0.0,0.1310576566806218,0.13134710716630893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910584194316894,0.0,0.22894144298870026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289580102601263,0.0,0.0,0.3258413733053485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920318210948916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016341747461887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118149132484994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683039720839635,0.0,0.0,0.2515117174477554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852847381304092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159343489321263,0.0,0.12972569858883173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720742267351604,0.0,0.0,0.235657942005172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418217542648225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339260439421391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054333719695664,0.1622740665978722,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kyo_Seito,2019/02/21,"What hurts is that no one cares and I was born to be hated I have no community or group. Society sees me as a joke and I’m not taken seriously. I’m just the freak everyone calls mentally ill or crazy when in reality it’s them for being ignorant. I’m not a bad person and don’t do anything to anyone yet everyone acts like I effect their lives. Not to mention the fake statistics that keep being spewed.

In a magical world where we have a choice in being born I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be. I’ve done nothing wrong but apparently just existing is bad. I wish I was bad or crazy because then the way I’ve been treated and talked about would be justified.",2.6163333333333334,4.565966133333333,4.705648148148146,81.36291666666669,76.55555555555556,8.648148148148149,25.324074074074076,9.2995712137729,2.246296296296296,528,19,107,14,12,182,86,135,0.141,0.672,0.188,0.8276,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,2,1,6,14,1,0,7,0,19,1,0,1,0,21,29,11,0,4,9,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,10,0,1,5,1,10,4,10,16,0,12,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,3,6,70,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465976672230354,0.0,0.15848087727803456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824007795136295,0.11739790373273352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665060831462547,0.0,0.19635303395444167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970811096471385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680460499777909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013761444640112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061660065465528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711782148363632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408720317009646,0.0,0.17005590260355627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408017727695254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479030517082176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050044145707815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815761495035395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346514784966775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479236351310535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359150199240925,0.1528648464577233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214630102932578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680671308288522,0.21056124123826986,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadconfusedpanda,2019/02/21,"So close.  I have tried and failed, tried to be successful, failed, tried relationships, failed, tried to be normal, happy, like everyone else around me, failed. At the end of the day I am empty, pathetic, filled with rage, self hatred, doubt, even my successes in the back of my mind imposter syndrome, no longer looking for a way out of the bullshit, no longer care. Everything I've ever attempted has ended with life reminding me I am a piece of shit who doesn't deserve happiness, even though I am a good person, undeserving of this shit.

The few good things in my life, going going, gone, soon I'll have nothing.

When you have tried and failed, when you have lived a lifetime of having hope, only to have it constantly, and consistently die out, through your own self destruction or, through the help of those who would use you to elevate themselves. True darkness does not take form until the point where the potential of your life is lost. When you're to old for anyone to truly care about, and to young to let natural causes take their course, when those who saw your broken soul and picked you up when you were down have died themselves, when there's no one left to watch out for you, when there's nothing left, the powerlessness of your struggle against the inevitable pointlessness of your existence becomes more and more apparent and you're ready to give up, because you don't give a shit about how anyone's going to feel anymore, because you're so low that it couldn't get any worse, that moment of selfish realization that at the end of the day, its about you, and what you want, and when you want nothing anymore, not happiness because you've given up, not even sadness because the old friend misery has overstayed its welcome, just nothing, an end. Just the sweet embrace of non-existance, and all of the stress wont need to be washed away, it blinks away. Such a wonderful fantasy. I am so close, my most frequently viewed websites are about the easiest and most painless methods of suicide, so much so that ad-algorithms advertise hotlines/councelling services, lol...

My anonymity here my shield against the empty platitudes of those who would tell me it's not worth it, it really is, another 30 years of a life like this would be worse than death, I just need to pick a time.",13.917877263581488,8.361136730046947,11.567283702213281,66.3274647887324,56.112676056338024,15.176123407109325,46.86049631120054,11.765960540728905,5.210567940979208,1821,70,337,32,14,552,215,426,0.208,0.6459999999999999,0.146,-0.9874,2,0,1,0,0,1,65.0,0,15,1,9,34,33,5,3,26,1,29,8,3,5,3,51,52,28,4,10,8,0,1,2,1,4,5,0,0,3,23,19,0,0,2,1,1,5,11,17,0,1,5,6,31,16,59,37,10,53,1,8,4,0,30,21,3,6,28,227,54,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265296617571668,0.08118888506828381,0.0,0.0,0.15357341483485662,0.10827741675613932,0.0,0.0,0.06892638145166688,0.0,0.0,0.14549029533628904,0.05953652841313933,0.0,0.1887949468229832,0.08551195893764879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788382682008673,0.07953878336530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367100283247582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986792648107323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071385441957536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775682653215001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468026320298031,0.0,0.27430910699014216,0.0,0.0,0.15341926729483055,0.07003708922207864,0.0,0.07398474783688981,0.06958633043960101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914938125525642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981985256746768,0.0,0.040452374242286517,0.14854992926160646,0.13201052259340632,0.12988406755265391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472672140615696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189763780126335,0.0,0.0,0.0769024099143348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16824916781033664,0.07917427979489848,0.21875571635190447,0.07565377214767399,0.0,0.06836939602018832,0.0,0.06501911911560931,0.0,0.08452063832419236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817912542294135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056917700994050774,0.11482217219397944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586195022329277,0.2971729028275708,0.0,0.162493072813853,0.0,0.052466490290480484,0.0588866677945237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760620710210306,0.0,0.0,0.07319347362879979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049601672756739434,0.0,0.0,0.08312754453711997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154634434238727,0.0,0.2384328870524535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869228451536877,0.08094343641582231,0.0,0.08469249241867492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643082802952735,0.0,0.0676745478704018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143901058655154,0.0,0.07607156371890883,0.0,0.045148264413297785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628390086405017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687200616510287,0.0,0.0,0.09133681648618801,0.06145789158167572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839662006892534,0.0,0.0,0.1578093089585482,0.16500560465911973,0.0,0.0,0.04986040314084954
suicidewatch,livingtheloserlife,2019/02/21,"Everyone else > me I don't know how to explain this. But ever since I was in middle school, I've noticed everyone treats me as inferior to them. When I analyzed it deeper, I started to realize everyone treated me as inferior as a child, I just didn't realize it then. Even now, I'm in high school and teachers and other students see me as having zero potential. I feel like no one expects me to be successful. I want to be successful but everyone else is making me feel like shit. 
Sometimes I wonder if this is all true though, because I do see myself as inferior to these people now. I don't know if I did this on my own or if they warped my views and self esteem.",4.2382761437908485,4.8527000661764745,6.354803921568627,76.41633986928106,70.39705882352942,9.86797385620915,31.287581699346404,9.994966539143718,3.1227542483660127,523,22,103,13,9,185,79,136,0.101,0.792,0.107,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,2,8,11,1,0,1,0,11,1,1,2,3,25,23,18,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,5,22,7,14,18,2,11,0,3,3,0,5,5,1,5,8,78,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464625903266934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594029151066354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254907035270426,0.14044334554403592,0.0,0.5934378838901893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701023958985133,0.22183837230584105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404280134261204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065584230963354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170631705944845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363857411912676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676678790991265,0.0,0.0,0.10520953265182062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763910434368533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31426681602112244,0.24744738490277898,0.0,0.16197210158115385,0.0,0.15937418643612775,0.1284343103731105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355806357661328,0.0,0.10989522522235567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254410239084998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157753571102213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837498914365492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isaiah5417,2019/02/21,"I quit my job today and I'm feeling suicidal. I'm going to check I with a therapist on Friday and I could use some advice I suspect I have borderline personality disorder, and I've been officially diagnosed with adhd-pi, depression and anxiety. I quit my job today because my boss decided to fly over the handlebars and shout at me...that made me freeze up and give her one word answers, which made her more angry. I finally told her to stop, quickly filled out a resignation letter and handed it to her. She stormed off without a word. I should probably mention that my home was my office, as I was a landlord who lived on property. Instead of giving me an office they just set everything up in my living room. 
Anyway, this is a growing trend that is making me not want to live anymore. A question I have for therapy on Friday is this: how can I accurately describe what I'm doing wrong? I don't have the other people's side of the story...this isn't the first time someone has gotten really really mad and lost their temper with me, and I just sit there completely dumbfounded and not knowing what to say...? I must be doing something wrong because I'm the lowest common denominator, but every time someone gets furious with me I feel like the victim. ",6.029640387275244,6.608999709543571,7.372265560165977,70.82359889349932,66.42738589211618,10.410069156293224,33.07911479944675,10.355215969177356,3.611056210235132,994,41,172,24,15,341,148,241,0.165,0.7979999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9745,3,0,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,2,4,7,10,4,0,13,0,19,2,1,6,1,42,38,13,1,4,6,0,4,1,0,2,1,2,3,1,10,15,0,1,7,0,1,3,5,9,0,2,8,6,33,1,25,26,2,26,0,3,0,0,16,12,0,2,10,124,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483177896881155,0.11776274788560102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219120628591314,0.0,0.11951533496388475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692576402824314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635434199571566,0.0,0.0,0.09621887570616394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379664704428172,0.12231695237487092,0.0,0.0,0.13811697714769927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015363991991516,0.0,0.10830824593357748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218687861927732,0.08609366253600964,0.0,0.13201479941967478,0.0,0.10250728568062396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296244780192213,0.23121182235419885,0.06848963992660814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208831733177349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391787561641744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623014019120269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887598403170007,0.0,0.31924241349004673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315528786221202,0.0,0.0,0.22806238064035986,0.08044257026574286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166192264708241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354771655345011,0.10522626583688746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993211597154866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350008098070828,0.256358292200544,0.0,0.0,0.15440590523211295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958358298520702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421853437813503,0.09277588051303763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075327095138248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318203624140133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781575967262832,0.1399235021202824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054281335596402,0.0,0.2284622133033329,0.11515420073784136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040835124376649,0.0,0.0,0.07108098904110573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616908624512907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635214962108564,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Desperant,2019/02/21,"Someone please give me a reason not to do it. If you want more context, check my post history.

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My heart has been broken beyond repair. I have been betrayed by my boyfriend of 1 year(friends for 8), and my best friend since I was 13.

​

I really thought my boyfriend loved me. I trusted him more than anyone. I told him how hard it was for me to open up and trust people. I did so much for him. 

​

If this is how people are I don't want to continue living. Everyone fucking stabs me in the back when I am nothing but nice to them and go out of my way for them constantly. Nothing in my life has ever hurt me this deeply. I have never felt so worthless. I already known I will never be the same after this. I feel as though this has ruined me. I will never trust anyone again. I will never fully love someone like this again.

​

I don't want to be here anymore. I've been suicidal in the past but I've never been closer than I am now. I am planning on hanging myself.",1.6132861857614316,3.885882148514853,2.8238048090523336,91.94988448844887,81.47524752475249,5.0357378595002364,22.490334747760485,6.18269132825596,0.40355228665723697,782,26,159,6,21,251,113,202,0.16399999999999998,0.723,0.114,-0.9516,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,1,2,2,13,13,1,0,4,0,25,5,1,3,6,27,37,14,1,5,5,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,1,2,8,4,0,0,10,3,37,9,23,22,5,28,0,3,0,3,11,9,1,2,16,126,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849529425590832,0.0,0.0,0.3868317367657595,0.43381918067528624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885171402887628,0.12481857357166275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863171263748745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366778925934964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964531250905377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073640686773649,0.0,0.08528713528378618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04513009333700447,0.0,0.08569895566008302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791663843541274,0.08251496197829493,0.0,0.08562168746768614,0.05072576726277341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799550965078845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576780049536252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554950035363688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304356276153912,0.043605565258615385,0.0,0.07881394609196901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111254267405145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561281624455648,0.0,0.3441954289992462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128547644716774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520415460497778,0.1237565865368203,0.0,0.0,0.09797536855402228,0.0,0.0,0.08548177584420237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717914432894505,0.09176917524065677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383279498144185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125122364069332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763066401682033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769274662457885,0.070858631261054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528713528378618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793502684948812,0.07084659564074534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43381918067528624,0.05747740003592228
suicidewatch,a_grey_throwaway,2019/02/21,"Please talk to me. Can I say *that* much?

Will you say anything back?",-2.8721428571428578,-4.948232499999996,-1.855142857142857,113.35014285714287,159.71428571428572,1.12,9.942857142857145,3.1291,-2.51684,51,1,13,0,5,15,13,14,0.0,0.8190000000000001,0.181,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307719524259129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090760012921382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954807056250924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412221985155651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6392961569004045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230735037516603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Altusername33,2019/02/21,"Just putting some thoughts in digital form I can’t tell my therapist this because then I’m asking her to risk her career or get me hospitalized. So I am putting my thoughts out into the world of anonymous Redditors because maybe it will help me organize them.

-I fell in love with my prior therapist. I ended it because I thought I would go crazy if I didn’t. But things have not improved. I have only been more miserable since.
-I hate my job and when it isn’t intensely stressful it’s stupefyingly tedious. I stay because the pay is decent and I worry about what would happen without it.
-My marriage is a sham. We’ve never had intercourse. In 12 years it just never happened. We’ve done other things sexual. I don’t think I love her anymore.
-I’m going back to school but I’m increasingly skeptical it will lead to anywhere worth going and will only put me in debt.

I don’t see a point in continuing. Life sucks and I have no reason to think it will improve. I don’t know how suicidal I actually am. I have put some thought into methods though and I am very glad I don’t own a handgun. I am scared and desperate and I don’t know what to do anymore.

",1.8464935064935053,4.287428316017319,3.59368658008658,85.75510129870129,81.85714285714286,6.6397229437229415,26.12311688311689,7.839951260653429,1.7356422857142857,915,39,180,17,25,305,130,231,0.174,0.75,0.076,-0.9622,2,0,1,1,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,3,4,5,0,28,3,0,3,2,36,51,16,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,9,0,3,10,13,7,0,0,8,1,34,3,17,37,6,30,0,1,1,2,10,10,1,4,9,126,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.10627737814441343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160126672885085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181320584534002,0.0,0.0,0.08374264723780378,0.0,0.2655544260553122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144952187101403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964591461454898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689933552383281,0.0,0.1856828222919696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261194018417024,0.0,0.0,0.10752296989644176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299796764615123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807324661179146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970471606774735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692413075628575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658537297478448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941157152204507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799135725372816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565713788035472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295217752154576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379258685878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197438289314786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903475841605452,0.11021954910007743,0.08678466131194873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008887389085453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608021436379155,0.0,0.0,0.1247524317062177,0.0,0.0,0.11912642045723015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518938944445067,0.0,0.0,0.2528984997488814,0.1447057472991849,0.13956622737225965,0.10700042973843904,0.34583950383350337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985955905103812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498231956535974,0.0,0.0,0.11060019528927026,0.0,0.15472860680692774,0.0,0.0,0.07013244242903073
suicidewatch,justinrollinghere,2019/02/21,I don’t know anymore. My husband brought up divorce. Every since I’ve just been spiraling down this hole. Who knew that simple term could make me go insane. I feel disgusting. I tried killing myself in a car wreck about a week ago over everything that’s been built up. I just ended up with more legal fees. I’m here in this town alone. All I have is him and he’s leaving me. I can’t go home to my family until everything is said and done. (Which is aprox 9-12 months from now) why couldn’t I have gone when I got in that wreck. Why is it so hard for god to take me. My husband doesn’t want to talk to me because he’s afraid we’ll argue. I have no one. I tried reaching out to an old friend but my husbands friends went against me ever since he said he wanted a divorce. I have no one. I just want to go. Why couldn’t I have gone...,0.1733754778006471,2.147274335195533,1.7959423698912111,98.96648632755071,84.97765363128491,4.885739488385768,18.91825933548956,6.05967700443912,-0.35907374301675965,642,17,155,5,19,208,107,179,0.111,0.8079999999999999,0.08,-0.4862,0,1,0,0,2,1,23.0,1,0,0,0,9,6,3,1,4,0,19,0,0,1,2,20,38,6,1,6,4,3,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,1,8,7,4,0,2,11,4,25,2,21,23,3,28,0,0,0,0,18,10,0,0,10,93,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128794346473719,0.0,0.0,0.15048074460548486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409258621297624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856986145980547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600542011780865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868618623319396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868734048300387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142672288286875,0.12241644438163543,0.0,0.26116172070263965,0.0,0.13697023323529825,0.0,0.07346500173579967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245075366096234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477217509067601,0.0,0.11620486842983127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015486717199967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457417081937424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607462614524627,0.0,0.07984977148147701,0.0,0.0,0.15384534571585107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698485968108267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597226841720415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524615906250412,0.0,0.19690992177527425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764156933770385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403773628814123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924299068125587,0.11678179725085593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729014974833328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570944610063008,0.0,0.11654606652370356,0.0,0.0,0.1346889748270626,0.3933156529597538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somnums,2019/02/21,"I'm in the mood of reading something sad about someone killing themself Yeah, just that. Not planning to kill myself I'm just in the mood. Any recommendation? ",2.2589655172413785,5.0503866206896575,2.5409655172413816,87.17558620689655,96.58620689655173,3.6993103448275866,29.93793103448276,5.6839178017228535,1.4120013793103454,128,7,22,1,5,39,23,29,0.206,0.631,0.163,-0.374,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555216121120899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7989805461635188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36118562578012936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059486145916791,0.2779831144799957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lordlahmacun,2019/02/21,"I'm not good enough to survive in this chaos I'm too much of a social freak to form human relationships, i'm too much of a monster to appreciate human beauty, I'm too much of a pussy to earn money and form a life and a loving family. I'm too much of a social outcast, a freak, an error that wasn't meant to come to life. I can feel my family losing hope in me day by day. Everywhere i go, every person I meet, i plague them with my neverending melancholy. I can't enjoy stuff. Only thing i enjoy is thinking because I know there are no limits but recently I have begun to realize that my thoughts are too ambitious for this human freak to handle. 

I don't I'll kill myself though. Where is the fun in stopping this madness?? ",2.6552000000000007,4.097249386666668,4.782333333333336,83.03950000000003,75.13333333333333,7.4,23.166666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.2742666666666669,568,16,114,9,12,197,87,150,0.18600000000000005,0.6709999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.2105,0,0,0,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,5,8,12,2,0,9,0,9,3,0,0,0,15,23,4,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,7,4,0,2,6,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,3,1,15,6,18,20,7,11,0,1,0,1,10,4,0,1,5,78,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063269798629272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220386905470112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129289804246748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057424712692776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390890408200936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31124998700681306,0.0,0.08347062093572609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382013148625727,0.13846328371820912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396407047024272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263921512976988,0.0,0.09072496902816783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332051604861749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468497766307124,0.0,0.0,0.14899331004163807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854182305698148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555260308193913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441435829886624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299895299196868,0.17723671580234746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33656143224303225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801627718379714,0.0,0.0,0.1889798508527103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096734103148145,0.1057781353289397,0.16219261851849626,0.13105698465653592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forzov3rwatch,2019/02/21,"I’m better off dead. I’m just a mental and physical burden to everyone. It’s simple, really. I’m a 14 year old, obese, asocial faggot. All I do is sit on my laptop when I’m not at school. I just waste money, food, energy, and rack up bills. My parents, bless the dumb fucks, are still paying for my sorry ass to keep going on with them. I appreciate it, but one of them in particular...oh god, why can’t she treat me like I actually have a physical form. I’m not some piece of shit you can walk all over you emotionally manipulative cuntwaffle. I have feelings, and hobbies, and plans too. I’m not you.

It doesn’t matter who likes whom, though. I can’t even succeed at anything anyway. I can only fail. At writing, at school, at worldbuilding, at living. I just...I want it to fucking stop. I’m tired. I can’t.

I have pills, blades, knives, multiple places to drown myself. I can do it so easily. I’ve even considered overdosing multiple times. I haven’t done shit though. Too much of a pussy.

I want it to stop. I want to leave. I can’t go on anymore. A year since an involuntary hospitalization and even though it’s at a point where if I keep going and isolating myself I probably will just do it I’m not gonna tell anyone. I’m not going back to fucking UCLA in that fucking gurney. I’m ready to go, honestly.

So, that’s me. Paid for but treated like trash, faggot with no friends and too much fat who loves the internet more than cheeseburgers who can’t do anything right. Maybe tonight should be my last night.

Or tomorrow.

Or the night later. But it’ll happen. I just know it. And everyone will be happy. Happiness is what comes when I am not around. I am the only thing wrong in my family. In my life. I’m just some pile of trash waiting to be thrown into the dump that is an urn or a fucking casket.

Goodnight everyone. For my sake I hope it’s my last and I finally work up the balls to throw my shit back.",0.3438461538461546,2.7192356923076915,2.640717948717949,90.02261538461538,89.51282051282051,6.196923076923077,19.08205128205128,7.554174236665415,0.722980512820512,1480,44,317,30,50,502,194,390,0.163,0.6779999999999999,0.159,-0.5429999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,0,3,2,5,24,27,10,0,15,0,31,16,5,1,2,51,66,23,4,6,18,1,1,3,1,5,5,0,0,0,20,14,3,5,2,1,4,8,14,13,0,1,2,1,41,14,40,56,9,52,1,1,0,7,15,24,10,7,22,202,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0853135768378338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670148629194578,0.06112915425306384,0.0,0.14388561972289934,0.0778262269288127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344478927588511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731975336812799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530835617461265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946548657572805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983406525191813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732289213544795,0.0,0.0,0.2506132043996425,0.0,0.0,0.08241591820485611,0.0,0.04420438974923889,0.0,0.0,0.0957691272477932,0.0,0.0,0.10571389873800753,0.0,0.06754385364083655,0.4041121200652808,0.0,0.0,0.2484264290867576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730908423642853,0.1861297412138715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683212841461094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541359909044028,0.0,0.0,0.04804614900369402,0.1425250645863131,0.0,0.09256978782341622,0.0,0.0,0.061750420028638335,0.12813339787714573,0.0,0.07719732296383829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890390982213034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782953321741127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810320545624258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853394652483033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408370336372974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173717300130499,0.0,0.05924101764095342,0.1329803501746827,0.0,0.0,0.09707442013395448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133986235642197,0.0,0.08264429044976772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942582604583328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600629191192446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746599367821756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695626548866156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26921958739482704,0.07231834468552277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978644279282692,0.0,0.0,0.06981721713256529,0.14618138070565884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641275530414947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808086869771033,0.0,0.2576820075040045,0.0,0.05097785488906409,0.10048145600945922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469548068022398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888689855538368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063645984694065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558482766359123,0.0,0.1125968596602716
suicidewatch,mobile602,2019/02/21,"Why I should carry on living? Im 40 yo, male. My partner left me last year after 21 years of living together. She fell in love with work mate. I had a dog for 13years he helped me stay focused after the break up. Loved him with all my heart. He died on 26.12 due to cancer. Now all I have is a job, rented acommodation and bills to pay. Weekends are the worst. I started drinking. Why should I carry on living?",-0.2674999999999983,2.021882964285716,1.6090476190476188,95.99428571428574,94.35714285714286,3.752380952380953,16.523809523809526,5.46131890053228,-0.6557904761904765,315,8,68,2,12,103,63,84,0.14800000000000002,0.737,0.114,-0.4871,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,6,5,1,0,2,7,9,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,2,13,6,3,18,0,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,9,39,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655764756623407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496978714526952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358468615796153,0.13340298528945888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498231808533527,0.0,0.19750267292129225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622328178296344,0.0,0.0,0.216242416893006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272310215615447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592576131187765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087168291348365,0.21213531867399296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591801590724394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489335571157522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563325387639636
suicidewatch,ItsOkay222,2019/02/21,"Birthday present I've had a fantasy of dying on my birthday...
That's 2 days from today. I won't have another shot till next year and, due to a lot of recent events  (recently homeless, out of school, no longer doing what I love, unemployed, single, cheated on etc) it's seeming like this will be that year I finally give myself what I truly want.  
Rest
Quiet
Peace
I don't want to live another year. Hell, the idea of making it to tomorrow seems torturous. 
I just don't know anymore",2.011263157894738,4.418469968421057,3.765526315789476,84.98618421052633,80.89473684210526,7.16842105263158,25.28947368421053,8.238735603445708,1.912452631578948,377,15,72,8,10,126,70,95,0.139,0.7040000000000001,0.158,-0.0258,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,0,11,16,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,8,2,12,12,4,17,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,3,15,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815642414991366,0.0,0.0,0.18043764086860672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733758132592048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882714028044786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029134985769815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930864080518632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453540911352428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539044723291974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099990601658849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888770353785919,0.0,0.16065817822388215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546806387932624,0.16420981868377807,0.0,0.12144774232146767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349745201668694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592916824114685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413508491756425,0.0,0.3312664485039501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245980529833546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146282897849064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35149417723765725
suicidewatch,xRoboManx,2019/02/21,"An Interesting Title I've been going through alot lately. Normally I can cope. I've been on my own sense I was 17, held a full time job and finished college. I have stable living, good job, dont need anything.

In a instant I've had what seems like my life taken from me.
A bad case of mistaken identity, me being to nice for my own good, and a corrupt system...

I was on my motorcycle just out for a stroll, I got ice cream, stopped at the park and relaxed.
After I got home I was dragged from my apt and left in a cell for 28hrs. Being told I was a criminal and I am going to prison for 5 years.

Fast forward, the lawyer manages to make a deal with the prosecutor. On account of my non existence of a record, not even a speeding ticket, the courts let me off ""easy"" even though I'm innocent. 3 months jail, and a year of probation.

I dont know how I can keep going...I'm going to loose everything I've worked for and I am going to be branded a federal felon for the rest of my life.

I haven't slept in days, every time I eat I want to puke, my body is always shaking.

Yesterday I wrote my goodbyes to my two friends and left them layed out on my desk.

I think I want to go to sleep, just dont wake up tomorrow.",1.8190756302521007,3.2067589411764708,3.768459383753502,89.67235294117648,77.23529411764707,7.053221288515406,24.299719887955174,7.793537801064563,1.0886190476190474,930,31,211,14,21,316,146,255,0.095,0.7929999999999999,0.112,0.4767,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,1,6,9,0,1,19,0,21,7,4,2,0,28,42,10,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,1,3,3,2,1,7,5,2,0,1,14,1,33,7,37,24,5,37,0,0,1,0,6,16,0,2,16,131,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103292694690802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021549316846198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364997872764872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788924525623766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005868932242273,0.12798074559548211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364661563780373,0.0,0.0,0.12702408417183447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398385199621066,0.0,0.1045915524036319,0.0,0.11156715886771247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590864976894548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35275220610490043,0.20824199677563465,0.1985688711566461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452045627480585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463754634445395,0.11033948791074437,0.0,0.0,0.06822295485308033,0.0,0.14003298187022992,0.0,0.2697524286145397,0.1269394347469029,0.17536456948708384,0.06064751771518806,0.0,0.10961605848859353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828630261639472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908570413719467,0.0,0.0,0.09204669541973187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162880552988575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301050091553876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422757184650852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378486042113748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954256725895091,0.12196487702580275,0.0,0.14477163996374012,0.0,0.0,0.11861910325721813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126471079797113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464395241279526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037388490863643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988150210770752
suicidewatch,frozenmew23456,2019/02/21,"I get suicidal every time I think about my ex Ever since we broke up, I feel like my life has just been a constant downward spiral. Nothing good happens to me, I don’t really enjoy the things I used to be involved in. I try my best to keep going, but there are times where I just simply want it to end. I’ve dated other girls since that relationship, but they don’t have the “charm” that she had. It’s like she’s completely moved on and just forgot about me. Sometimes I sit in my room just wondering what her reaction would be if I committed suicide. Is it normal to feel like this?",4.09548319327731,4.7907394201680695,5.1843592436974815,84.38729516806724,70.76470588235293,8.302941176470588,25.79936974789916,8.472884824447931,1.5567218487394965,457,13,95,7,8,151,83,119,0.101,0.7340000000000001,0.166,0.7306,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,1,1,9,8,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,2,21,22,4,2,4,7,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,2,20,7,11,16,1,16,0,1,0,0,9,7,0,2,9,66,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327988891068528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311269521922208,0.1887299592684432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546842539131089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797703563596815,0.14714653589697724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661222836022913,0.2495338480540295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124517078329188,0.0,0.0992551768579548,0.14648452838500994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544386170348545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523312395302627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233574238362347,0.2559692041313635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856207416904827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111570664848766,0.16757726078240465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188250842133576,0.0,0.0,0.1875041240510506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889374579920137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272906443421782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820681025306288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602684375907618,0.11190591361851243,0.0,0.0,0.20367462598297786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857296725413725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508378120554851,0.0,0.0,0.10301055964191712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893958133588658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406329549529968,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yanaevenreal,2019/02/21,"About to od I've been thinking about dying for a while and have even attempted in the past. 

I'm thinking of doing something tonight and I guess I'm reaching out here to see if maybe there's any hope. 

I don't have any desire to stay alive because killing myself will affect others. 

The people who it would affect are part of the reason I don't want to continue living anymore. 

I'm just tired to be honest and in so much mental and emotional pain. This feels like an exit.",3.8746428571428595,5.071206583333336,4.6314880952380975,86.28375000000004,71.70833333333334,6.735714285714287,25.17261904761905,6.868970318607317,0.9882369047619052,376,11,74,3,7,121,70,96,0.13699999999999998,0.72,0.14300000000000002,-0.0976,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,0,5,0,10,2,0,3,0,18,20,7,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,3,13,16,2,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,5,49,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273711027884039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995838994608093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226788885496436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886360960930714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22637686785678496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292237961910866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017570154418229,0.14377158289345998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22169731692539896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988463322432928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265105046424727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983195878687022,0.0,0.17770563578550333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021806254661869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281060973677015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479404065469629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414201856289405,0.0,0.0,0.21793192929770933,0.1921139495791185,0.13951999603919266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069164207641917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036856852372008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493051175648312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450354855374398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579031335674949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130492534279226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870126101091433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296077675583516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lolita--,2019/02/21,I give and give and give I was sexually abused for over 12 years by family. I have no family. My partner left me because he didn’t feel good enough and a lot of things are going on in his life and he didn’t want to burden me. He loves me but won’t talk to me. I’m so devastated. I cling to partners and friends because I have nothing else. I overdosed the other day but my friend had me get them out in time. I would’ve taken a bullet for my ex. I give everything. I’m so hurt and even though I’m not alone there’s always this deep loneliness that no one will ever understand this pain. That I’ll give and give for nothing. I’m scared. I’m lost. I haven’t ate in days but I did manage to have a bit of crushed pineapples. I’m scared. I was looking for work now I can hardly move without blacking out. I can’t mentally handle work. So it gives me the feeling of being worthless and having more time than I should. Idk what to do in so lost and depressed.,0.2055179028132983,2.336360485294122,2.214228473998297,94.9853324808184,86.30392156862743,5.1164535379369145,19.6538789428815,6.498293943080001,0.040540323955669866,745,22,170,8,23,248,116,204,0.225,0.6679999999999999,0.107,-0.9844,0,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,4,9,13,0,2,5,0,19,4,0,0,1,23,44,17,0,2,5,1,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,8,11,1,0,3,0,0,2,9,9,0,1,10,5,25,4,23,30,4,19,0,5,2,1,19,10,0,1,7,108,33,3,0.0,0.1207287436206793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553234201118633,0.0,0.0,0.08478468368311015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124228318193993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112427933497967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142750647767604,0.0,0.08776189105954174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851200781934582,0.0,0.0,0.1052846255332989,0.0,0.0673005920808586,0.09216973178227338,0.0,0.0,0.09157652728818412,0.0,0.19211480561231356,0.0,0.1030422026334421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744742757414654,0.0,0.05323585724765268,0.6842278214213108,0.05790919542306513,0.08546457171541694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127777771718544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908055189961974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070906031300927,0.0,0.07197135091544465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556601703710172,0.0,0.22246054628870934,0.08662736365983761,0.09196408671836476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102686049968988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829810741772876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554172689648416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904659218913371,0.0,0.10842331201089304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402905519478634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189922637922105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769441536718486,0.0,0.10011117969219696,0.0,0.11883142111214405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607613969255307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060100226686211365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822300605897263,0.0,0.14836133897230694,0.0,0.0,0.07238318293411,0.0,0.0,0.0656169471788869
suicidewatch,mini_rainbow,2019/02/21,"I hate who i am l so useless and dumb. Im about to be 22 and i done nothing in life. I cant drive, i dont work, i dont have any friends, and EVERTHING gives me anxiety especially talking to people. The only things i done in life was go to school. I only gone out with my friend a handful of time in my whole life. I feel so useless i just want this to end, im so tired of living and the only reason im still alive is because i fear death so much,and thats just a whole other thing. I just want to disappear i dont want people to see me anymore. 
The worst part is that for the first time in years, for 2 weeks i was feeling great i didnt have anxiety,my body didnt feel numb, i was was ok with who i was, until today. And you know what triggered it? I missed an assignment and i misspelled a word it so dumb other people dont want to killed themself cause of that but i do. I want to die, i dont want to be here anymore, i dont want to keep thinking. I want everything to just stop. 
I want to get better but thats hard cuz i dont know where to start i feel like its to late to fix my life i feel like life failed me and its too late to fix stuff that the end is just easier. ",-0.5502770815928706,1.1123132593985012,1.959741019214708,98.55943052074629,85.57894736842105,5.143748259537733,17.746588693957115,6.238725200709706,-0.4738981899192423,901,21,232,8,27,309,120,266,0.158,0.6829999999999999,0.159,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,4,15,18,4,1,9,1,26,9,2,4,0,41,52,16,3,9,7,0,7,2,2,0,7,0,0,0,18,10,0,2,9,0,0,4,10,11,0,1,10,8,35,7,30,40,4,24,0,4,1,0,7,6,2,0,16,147,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048765138219427816,0.0,0.05485781780453066,0.0,0.14223374949586826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371364210625587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342151041455821,0.0,0.0796534467871028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736657409132483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442347405835316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676809072557004,0.5883036439324145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270272359640717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444816443475003,0.0,0.0,0.08069348663930967,0.1812932040472713,0.10245902280262983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099633824146946,0.0,0.0,0.1108056616975064,0.0,0.037465422453994784,0.06879059584936917,0.040754344584011365,0.0,0.0,0.0790603322774512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423791556370535,0.07079860342114233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23237674075318115,0.0,0.0,0.06373898495478977,0.07933629371476973,0.0,0.07881968595811033,0.0,0.16178360609795442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532538411176549,0.07006759397543484,0.0,0.0633210869028102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271497045093433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880750855086007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361565375242929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765474951291935,0.0,0.14914368508617915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372964060994995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257416860331481,0.05714344409553127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075658133406262,0.0,0.05726755674460925,0.05995262242171132,0.0,0.0,0.08209059014391358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763763886958285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952816391294086,0.0459487586337614,0.0,0.0,0.08362914815223221,0.08241989182806653,0.06797252676001211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38066680033242783,0.0,0.057521294003842476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601229114535517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052205604716573685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617877448205937
suicidewatch,cinimontoescronch,2019/02/21,"How to plan for my suicide? I want to kill myself in a couple months (end of April), and I was wondering what were some things to think about before doing it? As in how to sort out my finances for my parents (I'm a 20 yo college student with $15k+ loans out in me and my parents names), what should I try to sell or keep, should I put in my two weeks at work, things like that. I don't want to tip off the people I know that I'm planning on dying, but I want to be able to leave my parents as much money as I can and I don't want to inconvenience the people who rely on my currently. 

I also want to make sure my things go to the people I want them to go to, like individual suicide notes and belongings. Should I try to get a lawyer or will a note saying what I want to happen with everything I own be enough?",6.302014285714287,3.8125033371428607,7.236107142857147,82.14501785714288,67.05714285714285,10.121428571428572,30.44642857142857,8.07648339933343,1.8108428571428576,624,15,147,6,8,212,95,175,0.077,0.802,0.121,0.1419,4,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,1,3,4,4,1,0,7,0,12,0,0,3,1,32,30,13,4,10,3,3,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,1,3,0,4,3,2,1,0,1,2,1,25,3,34,22,4,18,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,5,7,103,35,5,0.1240314419353588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918789930438072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554162173963454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723843138574535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872505468963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098550430723436,0.12815763521356016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114714624179564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480130920224457,0.0,0.14097985351513095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968059448331044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024484449266213,0.13722241371450786,0.0,0.06816443678524059,0.0,0.0,0.13133138828311192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119099491897894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827919506117828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900071362382366,0.0,0.09117738106310737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131667144130165,0.0,0.0,0.2579633544690267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468585685916915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986347808845531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713405327193025,0.0,0.11689816617225388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472029362315309,0.07947433982205622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841841487286566,0.0,0.12116069629745108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120987059812824,0.0,0.0994905412592984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345068079518113,0.09029636693628512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bucket1999,2019/02/21,"I feel like people stay alive for their moms, but I don’t have mine anymore. My mom was a night owl, and I just want to go downstairs and cry in her lap. I want to tell her about all the pain I’m in. 

I’m in my boyfriend’s arms but no one will ever love me like my mom did. 

Would it destroy anyone if I was gone? ",-0.7833928571428572,0.6771644305555569,1.2047619047619058,104.74500000000002,85.25,4.114285714285715,15.841269841269842,3.1291,-1.432173015873016,237,4,66,0,7,78,53,72,0.193,0.622,0.185,-0.5647,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,2,12,15,5,0,4,4,3,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,1,13,3,7,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,4,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658621797622888,0.1386037282248029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774116760719728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930611887529818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022866008881,0.14161218319632576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126559975570852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368572298974468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890605892543934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.696477174026281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602100180378087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432258321250895,0.0,0.2109256791394692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742445371345735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128177907427445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732576362048043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338368178413805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081355508785512,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brichey44,2019/02/21,"I Don't Know What To Do I can't figure out why I still feel this way. I feel like I have no reason to live; life would just be better if there was no life at all. The only reason I find to continue living is my cat, Butters. He needs me and I love him more than anything. Other that my cats and my parents, no one likes me. I can't make friends, no one talks to me, and a lot of people flat out dislike me. I don't know why and I try really hard to make friends, but it never works. I keep thinking to myself, ""Just finish senior year, college might be different."", but deep down I know there is a high chance I'll just be an outcast at my art college too. 

I really do hate myself. Any good traits I have are heavily outweighed by the bad. I hate how I look and am terrified of people saying something about it. Another thing that contributes to my low self esteem is my Trichotillomania. I've had it for over ten years and therefore do not have eyebrows, eyelashes, and am virtually half bald. I just want to have hair like everyone else. Why do I do this to myself? Every time I pull I just feel like a failure. I feel guilty for not controlling it. 

I want the release of death. The point where you feel nothing. You don't even know you're gone. I love sleep because of this -- it's like a break from all the emotions I feel. Unfortunately, though, I struggle to sleep. 

I had a friend once; not just a friend but a girlfriend. She meant the world to me. She was my best friend and the only one who seemed to be willing to give me a chance. She's gone now. We're going on two years since she hung herself in her closet. Not a day goes by I do not think of her. She got the release, now I want it too. I don't think I'll ever find someone like her again. I'll never find someone, outside of my cat, who can accept who I am, hair loss, depression, anxiety, and all. I miss her.

Anyways, sorry I rambled so much. I just needed to vent, I guess. Advice is welcome. Thanks.",0.9128302328302312,2.9895374054054082,2.6566075816075845,93.27582514332515,82.80835380835381,5.448672048672049,20.501287001287,6.655083550727371,0.20854000234000256,1512,44,336,16,42,499,198,407,0.156,0.69,0.155,0.1442,2,0,1,0,0,0,64.0,0,2,0,5,23,27,2,1,18,0,36,9,5,7,6,70,72,16,1,7,16,1,9,6,6,3,2,1,1,1,17,11,0,2,22,1,0,4,17,8,0,6,8,12,64,19,35,57,7,35,0,4,1,2,31,14,0,5,21,229,81,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066838376228748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613786012104088,0.08656245990275481,0.06315168201921323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793286192182961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689270657518931,0.05032263652981046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663272059370934,0.07301010538096207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258854210071693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323889701354106,0.0,0.07110149777704541,0.0,0.0,0.08624876161172365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896119690889556,0.09285934177096862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054524496230197735,0.07467257029571124,0.06955321070118707,0.07888150899793575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504431543018919,0.11794963574902916,0.0,0.0,0.2263517638969329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188954734940039,0.0,0.0,0.07919093410662036,0.04691592763025237,0.0692402930529057,0.06602398672196919,0.0,0.0909397992691829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394994149623553,0.1630050581518794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722020660580725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337557838036825,0.0,0.0,0.18147261206112847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661715091470964,0.24198299850468466,0.0,0.14578899800374406,0.0,0.06932248036937283,0.0,0.0,0.07018234486894169,0.14901192826252133,0.0,0.11020755282180636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757411051726813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068486106085475,0.12242180278900405,0.12733763299381906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921040381193098,0.0,0.0,0.08791466788961054,0.16781712637838025,0.1255682921494281,0.0,0.0,0.09166368663945207,0.0,0.0,0.1144616507750597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803786344408598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057692270439152,0.16975341001646194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564827706121616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515179764510521,0.08611923259454432,0.0,0.0,0.06828746518794789,0.0,0.16522226281129426,0.0,0.1398912593190396,0.06355218834040928,0.0,0.0924096609836806,0.0,0.0,0.06592574546875479,0.0,0.0,0.08630076596375055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635177970804232,0.0,0.0760023426598542,0.0,0.0,0.05484355755828919,0.1586870300650508,0.08110644306323021,0.0,0.04813645149416847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604705897165044,0.0,0.08064083367077858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607306483051172,0.06552554911023009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346970311521847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009848514990536,0.0,0.0,0.05864222680654675,0.0,0.0,0.15948140477548048
suicidewatch,myforest,2019/02/21,unconsciously planning does anyone else find themselves looking for an out no matter what’s going on in life? like I’ll have had a nice day but at the end of it i’m still thinking about different ways to end it all. even good things will set me off also which sucks. idk but i’ve noticed more and more that i plan different ways to kill myself without even realizing it,3.6403153153153163,5.399088797297299,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,73.18918918918921,7.095495495495496,25.84684684684685,7.793537801064563,1.3786198198198192,297,10,59,4,6,95,62,74,0.159,0.736,0.105,-0.7543,2,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,8,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,3,11,6,3,13,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,5,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299713512212533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425177419529738,0.20884069337870464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144893738703964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259031911170353,0.0,0.0,0.17836683231942427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026791618742804,0.0,0.36105326204279936,0.0,0.0,0.26924626515835604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862904787600827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158372764926998,0.17095701557935614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549988926945616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439661735003987,0.09957759521539324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115993930659915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23205377330623525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277326681114634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541090758751914,0.1306015128616125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235703324226001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647804511311776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Callix7o,2019/02/22,"Help I just need to talk to someone 
I feel like lately I’ve gotten more depressed than I’ve ever been",1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,79.0,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.3835272727272723,82,2,17,0,2,27,17,22,0.151,0.63,0.219,0.1548,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,1,3,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34589817590344424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632709107802644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030614284951964,0.2869036878941556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691845472279563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530231887896469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620186259385827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29778190051854714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34027505000684555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227915063185709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shmoopyyy,2019/02/22,"I wish euthanasia was an option to suicidal people I don't understand why it can't be.
I've been suicidal for so many years but terrified of the consequences of a failed attempt. 
Every week I try my best. I surrend myself with friends, I go to therapy, I exercise, I go hiking, I try to eat well, I put myself out there.


Nothing ever fucking works. I'm so tired of pretending. I'm so tired of trying. I want to explode. I want to tear my life in shreds. All of this shit meaningless, painful and maddening. 

I want out ",0.8212499999999991,3.2852086249999988,3.3011538461538485,85.64384615384616,87.75,7.430769230769231,25.30769230769231,8.384062270229773,2.238657692307692,403,18,80,11,13,139,69,104,0.329,0.514,0.157,-0.983,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,6,7,2,0,3,0,5,8,1,0,2,13,15,5,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,0,3,2,4,1,0,2,0,16,3,15,12,2,9,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,1,3,51,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295039240123286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686344282579327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907358612018096,0.1388534840080898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732625016919935,0.15235755178981586,0.0,0.0,0.18732248134220966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640510579138708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708419298036933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581327508549735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536182028469008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114253525000558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567235326735785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916772677969572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605350737028645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846638774566607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788331969702921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356708911708533,0.0,0.0,0.1715655480381406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916149199581085,0.0,0.13219488170890334,0.0,0.14817752749194826,0.0,0.14870891190108634,0.0,0.18951511010235556,0.0,0.0,0.11997841598605576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612761301423734
suicidewatch,Pastel_Sylveon,2019/02/22,"Almost Midnight It's almost midnight and I feel so alone. My parents hate me. I'm nothing but a burden and a fuck up now. My friends have stopped inviting me out with them and I can tell they hate me now too. Finally, I can tell my boyfriend is getting sick of me as well. It's only a matter of time until he gets sick of dealing with my episodes and finally leaves me. 

I deal with emotional abuse every day, I can't get a job to get out of my situation no matter how hard I try, I don't enjoy what I study, I'm not passionate about anything, and I feel like I've finally had enough. 

Everything hurts. 

I want it to end.",1.3582569974554666,3.1231717404580164,3.349942748091604,90.48893447837152,79.68702290076338,6.504071246819338,25.4204834605598,7.492282038375204,1.1944651399491093,482,19,107,7,12,163,80,131,0.298,0.563,0.139,-0.9833,2,1,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,7,10,3,0,4,0,7,4,0,1,0,21,19,10,0,1,2,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,3,22,5,15,18,1,13,0,1,0,2,9,3,1,2,11,67,26,1,0.0,0.16349372747480434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763509638278852,0.14291440006006473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135527218749869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899112291877488,0.2845200279673864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521841287573954,0.1222167933091384,0.14257893653156153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626120506085025,0.0,0.12401510482528386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954219426557438,0.09857896314509343,0.0,0.4534787461674947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066095200008662,0.1275680815482663,0.2883730411071545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123610531071932,0.27247001685039435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771947003035776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693222645241554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610982516505114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741417764129283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324036217407069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494642026982844,0.0,0.0,0.15321982352197833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551047786678758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536450757580105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412159427040392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046216417108805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368508729460287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138915214658404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406817180149028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway199567q,2019/02/22,"I feel like I’m not getting serious support I’ve been really sick for awhile now. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t want to live anymore. I am 23 years old, I am missing out on life. My friends are going out all the time and I am constantly blowing them off because I’m too sick to go out and they can’t seem to understand that which makes my anxiety even worse. I haven’t been able to work in a few months and I’m falling really behind on my bills which is another source of stress and anxiety for me. Every time I go to the doctor they told me that nothing is wrong with me and that all my tests are normal but I spend every day in pain. It’s slowly been getting better but it’s still not good. I’ve called the national suicide hotline and they weren’t very supportive of me I’ve called them about 4 or 5 times in the last few months. Do you losing my job I no longer have any medical insurance so I don’t know how to see a doctor to get medication or anything. I am really lost and my suicidal urges keep getting worse and I keep making it further along in my plan every time. What do I do?",1.3192074592074619,3.1779601282051324,3.2829681429681443,90.46986013986016,80.19658119658119,6.81864801864802,22.174825174825173,7.84624498591911,0.9572461538461541,866,27,192,15,22,292,127,234,0.204,0.735,0.061,-0.9879,2,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,5,5,7,13,0,1,7,0,20,8,0,3,2,32,46,14,2,2,6,0,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,11,13,0,2,4,0,2,4,8,7,0,0,7,2,30,6,26,39,4,30,0,3,1,0,10,13,0,3,14,119,41,5,0.10653856863269012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724498800334175,0.1117149784802987,0.1630034267902442,0.0,0.1056576323162498,0.0,0.0,0.08767216431034877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649449225832451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942247061906676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757558060008866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513034417203175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687085630522071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809347884250166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036771979272065,0.0,0.26929001713148565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053869101426501816,0.07611117471860639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231143384527022,0.0,0.22264801957328093,0.0,0.1816449712087062,0.08935949668094825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105723090197123,0.18939274990454466,0.0,0.0,0.058550811096252625,0.08684315294897853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525134174506012,0.05204936316296598,0.0,0.0940755079797256,0.0,0.0,0.11918940678953348,0.1162994329037391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422306436957282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146527989430995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007613809075922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438517698008568,0.10222662996415173,0.0,0.11179430606375314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133645485527786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071338366652756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047540054261924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489744560527397,0.09698871157439816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508183853154577,0.0,0.12203957041249705,0.0,0.0,0.23307180434951444,0.2417974102904373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484939845207811,0.0,0.0,0.10180216793859197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091040723105386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790547674349286,0.06283920809869283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775613468328268,0.0,0.21714380656253146,0.0,0.11648320009515233,0.0,0.06860734519527213
suicidewatch,clambarf,2019/02/22,"Im so close. I struggle everyday. I am so tired. I've been telling  myself ""one more day"" every day but its just so hard sometimes.",-0.6105555555555569,1.5931211851851863,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,96.4074074074074,4.181481481481482,21.564814814814817,5.985473137389443,0.2273037037037033,100,4,22,1,4,33,21,27,0.244,0.7559999999999999,0.0,-0.6661,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309516422207443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815053659524375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993004224131932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36090033980764497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226404221544806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33044718448703553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34928838596643863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920302700669691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840147710727974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throowawag,2019/02/22,I'm useless. The last 3 year's have been the best year's of my  life. It was so good that I stopped thinking about suicide everyday. Instead I started to get better. I stopped being super insecure and started to get comfortable in my own skin again. But even after those 3 years. I can't apply myself to anything. I held jobs and stuff but when it comes to studying. I just stop being proactive. Nothing in life brings me joy. I don't really care about anything. I go between bouts of caring and then bouts of nothingness. Today is the first time in three years where I started to plan my own death again. At the moment I've started to disassociate from my feelings again. My face straight and feeling nothing but tears keep falling from my face. There's something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it.,2.0340251572327084,4.6279579685534635,2.846194968553462,90.3899213836478,82.52201257861634,5.0427672955974865,25.81446540880504,6.42735559955562,0.984386163522013,643,27,124,6,18,202,97,159,0.157,0.669,0.175,0.4834,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,5,13,11,0,1,4,0,9,5,3,1,0,21,27,12,2,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,5,4,0,0,4,4,3,0,2,3,3,19,8,21,22,3,33,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,23,85,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390695943607806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491472292531091,0.12569448183575466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898036781292989,0.0,0.0,0.12242466374928078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386958511084884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372130335032002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088805641847368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850472123197933,0.0,0.08077064376989711,0.11920435824641595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410331703609844,0.12632368157523752,0.0,0.0,0.07810598896338658,0.11584758979048085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076854129851246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727378795357205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910463566521565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941169501529033,0.0,0.0,0.4023759225434573,0.0,0.0,0.3564585782048097,0.0,0.0,0.16269455149024611,0.15545731508546842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106540304251484,0.0,0.0,0.0828719024085829,0.0,0.13471409738304646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538701122509666,0.0,0.3660850769646908
suicidewatch,Kay1999,2019/02/22,I am so bad off financially I am so bad off financially. College has sucked me dry I can barely afford my service dog. I will only have an associates when I move out. I will be getting less than minimum wage. I’ll just barely be able to afford my medications that keep me stable. I just cant. I want to die. ,-0.2855381944444417,1.9960533281250008,3.0395833333333364,85.93597222222225,93.84375,5.969444444444445,19.61111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.8922590277777775,239,8,50,5,9,86,43,64,0.181,0.737,0.08199999999999999,-0.7552,3,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,0,5,14,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,0,6,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,36,13,3,0.33334170911353544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566528068346211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459560661911646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415728484015053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29628942718647444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358067026054533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542894829974817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25352139073354185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966135766210404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShootTheKillshot,2019/02/22,"I don’t wanna live in a never ending nightmare anymore. I just want to kill myself. (UPDATE) I’ve really taken some time to consider what I said.

I always know it can get better, and after talking to a lot of friends and my family, I’m okay for now.
Thank you to the people who helped me out, I really can’t thank you enough. 💜",0.7685714285714269,2.75704155072464,3.645590062111804,86.48217391304352,82.76811594202898,6.2616977225672885,17.10351966873706,7.447530270364453,0.3703606625258802,253,5,52,4,7,90,54,69,0.068,0.723,0.209,0.7769,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,10,11,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,10,5,10,9,3,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,6,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967089740447428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344515185753886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908215497011748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093858066581867,0.2442708962475714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286281359525573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826469156849852,0.0,0.12351253088020014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845815509234906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26154853690489466,0.0,0.1299227161768031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875108804804807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009841764984032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233110729137525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389435736745914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028958498891844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487652131709596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001442355235235,0.0,0.4353023051585195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378504106862947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394385567974491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontwant2buanymore,2019/02/22,"I fucking hate myself My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. Tonight and yesterday were really bad. I told him I hope he crashed in a ditch, and god dammit he did. He did and it’s my fault. He’s alright but it’s my fucking fault and all I’ve been wanting to do lately is kill myself. This just makes me want it so much more. I’m am the worst person on this earth. I’m a shit mom and shittier girlfriend and I just want it all to stop. I can’t take anymore. I can’t I can’t I can’t. I just want everything to stop I can’t get out of these constant anxiety and panic attacks. Fuck I can’t do this. ",-1.859373737373737,-0.021179088888885644,0.7883670033670036,100.33992424242426,102.85185185185185,3.936026936026936,17.988215488215488,5.852544927426893,-0.38070370370370377,473,16,115,5,22,160,74,135,0.359,0.579,0.062,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,2,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,15,8,1,4,1,16,4,1,1,2,24,31,10,1,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,6,0,19,2,7,25,6,10,0,0,0,3,10,3,4,2,7,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361208276442508,0.0,0.16024890086974716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382626473048347,0.0,0.0,0.13491672563590298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461598093644126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522217898841844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448148186414334,0.08442149335376714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953173450835245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049036451079582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876986175127998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364549836418317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737378871241546,0.0,0.0,0.1078592422647526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924639914156294,0.0,0.0,0.11878356724876778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895851821312792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410897894239642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351548865558308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586468051753805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27018459068653844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149181053992893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440139212553394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812280782215529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,immolatte,2019/02/22,"I did suicidwatch in real life this week for my neighbor & i feel great cuz it made him feel better i did not know him at all.

but he told me his story, and i related, so i tried to help. i came over every single day this week and i cooked hearty meals and he cooked hearty meals while telling me about his day. the sadness was there but, not as much. he's happier

even if it kept him alive for just 1 more week, for his kids, i'm grateful and i'm really happy",1.1021212121212116,2.771934767676772,2.5262626262626284,96.5427272727273,80.1111111111111,6.016161616161617,18.070707070707073,6.937597516519254,-0.17751717171717152,358,7,86,4,9,116,66,99,0.035,0.7290000000000001,0.236,0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,1,19,12,11,0,1,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,4,5,4,1,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,16,3,9,5,4,10,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,1,6,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224044033151134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956887480854828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515117360690636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764668740099323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415714625520421,0.0,0.18059313602064775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675641893125785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363138016401777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817200051277256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143669526313177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779725113904155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139672766480308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281643259475265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756669257210884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396914345125664,0.13731354896327275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734514031701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481382441393226,0.0,0.14552475784200986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157988312118663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Patient2201a,2019/02/22,"She left me yesterday  The light has gone from my world. All the colors have withered to grey. Laughs ring sinister now and I can’t trust anyone; least of all myself. She left me. I don’t have the courage to recount again what happened. I keep thinking of every happy memory and it brings me to tears. I was alive. For ten months I felt like a real person. I had confidence in myself again. I smiled. There will be no smiling now. No smiling save in sedated and drug fueled stupor. My heart has been ripped out of my chest and no amount of crying, or poetry, or music, or art will repair the gaping hole she left behind. I loved her. More than anything in the world. I knew it wouldnt last forever but I just wanted one year, just one short year, where I felt like a functional person again. Now I am alone again. Alone in this prison adorned with crucifixes. Everywhere i turn something reminds me of her and breaks my heart again. I threw up yesterday and today from pure grief and panic. I want to die more than ever now. To just recede into the cold night and never feel anything ever again. What loss would there be with my death? Nothing. I cannot bear this loneliness again. I cannot bear being back where I was last march. The thought that we’ll never kiss again rampages through my mind over and over again. I hate myself. I deserve to be cut and left to die. I’m so tired. I’m so so so tired. The only escape I will find is in drugs now. I wish this all was a nightmare. I hit myself in the head so many times last night hoping I’d wake up. The bruises will heal in a couple days but my loneliness will fester and poison all hope. Every day I will whither, each day more than the last, until nothing remains. Nothing remains. I’m so angry I could scream until my vocal cords rip and tear in my throat. Until my wrists break on the wall. Until nothing but streams of blood paint the floor that witnessed her footsteps so many times before. My world has burned in front of my eyes and all that I once smiled at has faded away forever. How long will it take for my eyes to adjust to the dark again? How long before I see the light again? I once held her so close to my body for hours and hours. Now I’ll never feel her warmth again. Or stare in awe at the way she would look at me, drinking me in. Now its only me. I hate me, just like most everyone else in this town. I’ll never find someone like her again. I don’t know how to carry on. Suicide is tempting now more than ever but with what methods? I can’t go back to the hospital. Maybe I’ll die in my sleep. Maybe this grief will finally kill me. It is the only thing I can hope for now. A quick end to it all. A final and permanent release from this pain.  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suicidewatch,Unimportant-guy,2019/02/22,"Never thought I would post here but here I am I know its a passing feeling but sometimes life overwhelms you when you can’t handle it anymore. I say no one loves me but I’m sure thats not 100% true but it’s probably 95% true. Almost no one texts me to see how I am. I get coworkers who won’t talk to me and just makes me feel like a failure. Do I make mistakes, absolutely. But I try my hardest. My friends never text first. If I text them, they “might” answer. I have aspergers so I am sure its all my fault that they don’t like me. I said something they don’t like or reacted to their “joke” in a bad way. But thats all I know to do. Am I really going to commit suicide, I dunno, I just want someone who cares to text every day. Ask how I am doing, for once and actually mean it. No one cares. :(",-0.5080813953488388,1.5092190058139572,2.1023720930232592,95.30716279069769,88.59302325581396,5.067906976744187,19.646511627906975,6.508806274219699,0.04547813953488333,607,19,144,7,20,209,99,172,0.209,0.586,0.205,-0.392,0,1,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,2,5,1,8,16,0,1,3,0,15,2,0,5,9,40,33,14,1,4,11,0,2,3,1,3,1,2,0,0,10,2,0,0,7,1,0,2,10,4,0,4,2,5,32,12,8,28,2,10,0,1,1,1,15,1,0,5,8,98,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.14616630476438985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998573385735134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854418650108836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002660146929674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506229463168336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054268818843172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965974476287706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619838135286507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514692630058805,0.1070047878640451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274050845982586,0.0,0.0,0.1157217392841706,0.0,0.07825527654405161,0.0,0.08512495781168816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463330499852805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579594769999576,0.21952877817100386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518473093779473,0.0,0.19996222516202225,0.0,0.0,0.16315726611430895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588957703645956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104329774456955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595136827328979,0.30448989340299903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345041889087565,0.0,0.16149107956055228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595463038529413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142477643673276,0.11911321160028784,0.0,0.0,0.11935741618465442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691039215516325,0.11531003700818647,0.14813891615807184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383795857648978,0.0,0.2823368365213635,0.0,0.0,0.1203896572799609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891072963854075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016926185075471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834571476534335,0.1188905321782302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064013296770423,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yikess_problematic03,2019/02/22,"Thank You This is a note to those who take their time to listen, to feel, and empathize.

I am not asking for help any longer. I recognize your empathy, and I am grateful for those who take their time to love with no bounds, those who help and aid others without expecting anything back. Your kindness is something I recognize, but I also realize how that kindness is futile when I could not even help myself. Right now, the sky is clear and pretty, and despite the chill, the world has never been more beautiful when you try to take every single detail in regard; almost as if you're trying not to forget what you treasure. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that I hold very dearly to my heart, yet despite that I hold no care. I'm selfish and always will be,and despite everyone's kindness, I know that a long life does mean a happy one. I don't know how I'm suppose to feel. I'm terrified and anxious, and all hope of getting better that I've trying to get a hold of has gone away, and all that's left is this ugly thought that never leaves; it won't ever leave and I know that. So I will leave, but not without love. If you have taken your time to read this, I ask of you to recognize one thing. Please know that I tried my best, and that I have loved all I can but my mind is exhausted; you may call me selfish, foolish, and weak but it will not change the fact that I am tired. And now, I hope somehow, I will be able to be free from myself, and I'm no longer tied down to this hopeless, lackluster part of me.",6.284423076923076,5.108254365384617,6.424615384615388,83.73288461538462,66.24358974358975,9.210256410256411,30.07692307692308,7.8658589789855275,1.7773230769230772,1190,33,254,11,16,381,156,312,0.163,0.62,0.217,0.9671,0,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,9,2,2,14,22,0,0,8,0,27,8,1,2,8,60,57,27,0,6,13,0,2,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,27,15,0,4,9,1,1,1,15,6,0,2,4,3,38,17,28,44,7,21,0,1,0,3,24,7,0,7,13,181,65,1,0.09694287553115168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707428647509088,0.0,0.0,0.07752518253776575,0.08066423837375987,0.0,0.0,0.06592447967403409,0.0,0.0,0.1095178556577448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977572649382246,0.0,0.18125700459074226,0.0,0.09108102272583744,0.07454308735686592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173556696981507,0.08573809542808554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989895147805679,0.0,0.0988397225079775,0.0,0.10255270814538546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740099779804875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848353636638207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402985499829153,0.08769038100229286,0.08167855374693253,0.09263307196567812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980344613520924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194595388618132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319749364835663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487777426616196,0.1949362980012512,0.0,0.0,0.19257229848600432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028532606822524,0.2131090764668056,0.0,0.0,0.3079455232238223,0.10532871791562187,0.0,0.06847361992908464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579139423068227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624841902082748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559921123122712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788466897911297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495366438966606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138200272249362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497968718598102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641416593404987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862575600804144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696910965004568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278868601673071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463136178426201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866693312912086,0.0,0.0,0.08925197510299455,0.0,0.0,0.1288090777848522,0.0,0.0,0.07696181454745743,0.1695845109485052,0.11142157454996778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327139595269994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998802499244541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689894519489908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599181604575926,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ganthraxx,2019/02/22,"I want someone to know. I'm closer to the edge than I have ever been before. I have no reason to wake up during the day, I have no one to fall back onto, and I have to purpose. The only people I know are either distant or mentally abusive. The past month I've been looking up final solutions after having medication and help delayed time and time again. I don't want to wait any longer I just want to stop hurting.",2.650252100840333,4.244379705882352,4.555126050420171,84.03235294117653,75.47058823529412,6.26890756302521,23.907563025210084,6.868970318607317,0.9404621848739496,325,10,63,3,7,111,55,85,0.17800000000000002,0.727,0.096,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,9,2,1,1,1,16,17,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,8,0,12,15,1,17,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,12,45,8,0,0.0,0.2574116736880525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774086404654538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670557005418162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486802100035288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401115152716256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651960427914195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799225580060546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456214608146706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325759930006269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387953552993172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824395002862272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886157693591268,0.2189419619074428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341088476363534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472176246089665,0.1652322331044133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739450014588567,0.15061727637319586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337434501960649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407947399305896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163492531455908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533662993405602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844279202209587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quizzis,2019/02/22,"Hi I can't come up with a good reason to keep going. I skipped work again today, I haven't been to school in two weeks, and I haven't spoken to my friends in a long time. I have been stuck here for 21 years and I haven't found a reason to live. I just keep finding little reasons why I shouldnt die. I don't want to stop long enough that my thoughts can catch up to me. I'm on this subreddit because I'm anonymous here and I don't want to have to deal with who I am. Why should I care? ",0.780747474747475,1.87681832727273,2.2639393939393955,100.60035353535356,79.36363636363637,5.252525252525253,19.494949494949488,5.033348758259628,-0.6552626262626267,376,8,99,1,9,122,63,110,0.021,0.8079999999999999,0.172,0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,14,0,0,3,0,20,26,3,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,6,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,5,0,15,3,16,19,1,17,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,60,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968430675170163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672628254847033,0.0,0.0,0.1408636992526872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858875971469425,0.0,0.0,0.16971480892685606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896670679402134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946036364585247,0.0,0.0,0.17929849295761222,0.1263402571630924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293594382051598,0.1371583662587872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906999381488768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389662829025092,0.1443969970593587,0.28943181692112635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043977868549521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549766472712218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367155724413899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298218662708883,0.09535368429753392,0.0,0.15500411042766005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597417415836085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929044688016968,0.0,0.13117118684131004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29511467033797506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904932336855673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530577867883667
suicidewatch,SinfulCinnamon,2019/02/22,Idk how to feel I had a pretty good day. Wasn’t even sad. Went to an appointment super early despite being hungover. Didn’t starve myself which is good because I’m still working on that. Here’s where my downfall was. I called my ex about an hour ago and HE IGNORED MY CALL. Multiple times. My other friend texted him and he said he blocked me because he can’t stand to be around someone so self destructive. How selfish am I for hating him for not wanting to help me despite him trying so much in the past.... I get where he is coming from and I respect him but damn. Not even the person I thought cared about me the most wants to be associated with me anymore. I was making slight suggestions to my friend about hanging myself with a scarf and I don’t think he knew the gravity of my words. The only reason I don’t do it is because I don’t want to break my parents hearts :( and I’m so close to getting my masters degree.. but I’d rather be a shell of a person just to protect their emotions. ,2.638125181106929,4.313974423645327,3.7734627644161134,89.27726745870761,75.69950738916256,5.958736598087512,25.73427991886409,6.522977012572876,0.8890031295276732,780,28,161,6,17,253,119,203,0.118,0.76,0.122,0.4244,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,3,17,13,3,0,11,0,18,1,1,4,0,31,35,12,0,4,6,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,10,0,3,5,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,9,2,29,7,22,22,2,18,0,1,0,0,23,6,1,1,7,108,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133343188753706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918174164831982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391064646876988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750940878511545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072026444517783,0.0,0.1533688906276526,0.0,0.0,0.1295783061546474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701204614922293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920851585224253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987093362659901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605968632518349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324368394297124,0.0,0.15718230006836376,0.0,0.0,0.25233965697395017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485141044522843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825502085513367,0.10082708654947356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481388823137723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041023387113636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058009973980956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440542193972465,0.0,0.0,0.16702979019668027,0.0,0.1435982244588728,0.0,0.2626916053816785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303688033974405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466253594919874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308916107580086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692667270459493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274550945475056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013005190941645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638662924739844,0.0,0.11942109729093987,0.08771435765516246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212908562142137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661746899619604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944600741518526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951160414495634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mercthegrouch,2019/02/22,"I’m not coping anymore. I’m seriously depressed and so good at pretending I’m fine. When I get the courage to OD people are going to go on about how shocked they are when not one of them took the time to talk to me when I needed it. 
I’m not even scared anymore. I just don’t want my girlfriend to hurt. I know she’d get over it eventually but even so - she doesn’t deserve to suffer. ",1.5226678141135963,2.9563567228915697,3.3933218588640317,91.85301204819281,78.1566265060241,6.1886402753872645,23.9053356282272,6.868970318607317,0.611731153184166,300,10,70,3,7,101,55,83,0.146,0.736,0.118,-0.6507,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,10,9,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,17,8,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,6,0,1,1,0,10,3,11,15,0,10,0,3,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.495608241261423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521285827460584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300738534785741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610937586382052,0.0,0.2840140137574114,0.209579289347938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749124332977003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732214074695226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527560541669436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693185308537053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322855211415206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25016368499709585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008362215849818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570133734371812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776150134034114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737993235943414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xenyuri,2019/02/22,Concerned It feels like a cycle everyday it’s just the same shit all over again.,0.3710416666666667,2.5384756875,1.2399999999999984,95.67166666666668,104.625,4.633333333333333,17.833333333333332,6.42735559955562,0.19048333333333334,65,2,13,1,3,20,15,16,0.199,0.6629999999999999,0.138,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524275151915122,0.4979417045035232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34052225192307123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7154673307687103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Raijin3k,2019/02/22,Could do with a chat dudes Tough night at the office could do with some support tonight please if anyone’s free,3.5522727272727286,5.830645136363637,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,74.9090909090909,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.6807999999999996,91,2,19,0,2,25,19,22,0.058,0.62,0.322,0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,11,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613035475318165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6306072315924698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705964181303197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334927487432508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44813935143341466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpmepfcanada,2019/02/22,"Stopping my diabetes meds I am tired of being pushed around by everyone. I am ceasing all my medications. I am going to print and sign a DNR. I am not treating my liver, diabetes, mental health, blood pressure, cholesterol. I am refusing any oral medications. Any further investigations. I am 31 and ready to check the fuck out.

I am done trying to get better. I don't want to suffer like this anymore. ",2.5814666666666675,5.422494613333335,4.494666666666667,77.6806666666667,82.86666666666667,7.066666666666667,27.0,8.167268648758528,2.391,316,14,54,7,9,107,53,75,0.177,0.6890000000000001,0.135,-0.3339,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,2,0,10,9,2,0,1,10,14,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,11,3,8,12,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177150711917122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167065395982264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795552255138816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660220018016495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390561992448573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321695370069408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596150915652987,0.12204753023191772,0.0,0.13276153789021974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483082602530445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412625607645857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25947942977989336,0.4706593666286998,0.2354161168042217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953019349102888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26849141370150953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860058873699232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778465516780822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydyingalone,2019/02/22,Thanks I posted a suicidal post years ago and I wanted to thank the people concerned to reply to it. ,7.41,6.239236000000003,8.140000000000004,72.32500000000003,64.0,10.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.4444999999999992,80,2,14,1,1,27,17,20,0.188,0.586,0.226,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27640690336232016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617460478950776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5972688687346056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410771224349189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741582888703419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391771011692395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079988604723165
suicidewatch,underratedperson,2019/02/22,The only thing keeping me going is my teachers. I know my teachers would be crushed if I commit suicide. They deserve better than to feel that way. But nobody else gives a shit so I’m probably going to end it soon anyway.,1.7029545454545456,4.222776113636364,3.396545454545457,86.38481818181822,83.31818181818181,4.42909090909091,24.70909090909091,5.6839178017228535,0.7956781818181821,175,7,31,1,5,58,38,44,0.214,0.6859999999999999,0.1,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,7,10,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620396102039635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750772599100784,0.0,0.26242017242837146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981037257122698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842231413954044,0.3367706791940722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26335132454548865,0.0,0.0,0.16283024205712554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533775398024206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194448605055502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041318363770685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32408721252839645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968382920389556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23517688760551556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104720459407374,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sp1tfire0o7,2019/02/22,"Done Don’t know why I’m making this post, probably for attention. I fucking hate myself. I feel like a burden on every community I’m a part of. I think I’m done now, I think it’s time I finally rid everyone else of my existence ",-0.7240816326530606,1.4518974081632692,3.2746938775510226,84.05244897959186,95.32653061224492,7.69795918367347,21.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.9817265306122445,179,7,38,6,7,67,36,49,0.159,0.784,0.058,-0.659,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,6,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,7,1,4,11,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915002355413354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060903173302094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233120766626486,0.2294673504959748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142374006607308,0.17155852335433466,0.0,0.26306540321577315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200874303530566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237091932486566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197655574242614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732195592546815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029761265930453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600519464947548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299910362024901,0.0,0.258915247600944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30774844286219394,0.0,0.0,0.14002957254448442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669210499557928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WildAndKind,2019/02/22,"Happy Birthday Everitt 23rd of February

You're loved!",6.619999999999997,10.310975444444443,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,72.33333333333334,8.044444444444443,42.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,4.923133333333333,45,3,6,1,1,13,9,9,0.0,0.4320000000000001,0.568,0.8356,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7627525781058936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6466904240769403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gladmadsad,2019/02/22,"Very overwhelmed: Health insurance issues, childcare, feeling like a huge failure The specifics of a lot of whats going on are so convoluted but essentially I just have so many things weighing on my life and I just found out my insurance premiums are going up along with my copays and I may not be able to afford the therapy or psych medication I was just now able to afford again. 

I am barely holding on as is so this is a real kick in the ass to be honest and making me feel really hopeless.

I was on the phone for upwards of 8 hours today trying to figure it out and I just can't think anymore. 

I've been having such a bad time in my head and I just feel at the end of my energy. 

I work as a nanny and I've been feeling guilty recently, worrying that my depressed attitude or anxiety can be felt by him. I honestly can really keep those feelings underwraps when im at work and not even feel them too much but still I wonder how he might spend his days with someone else and if it would be better for him. I also don't work very many days but very long hours on those days and my life is so up and down from no time to lots of time to no time to lots of time. 

The other thing has just been feeling like I've wasted so much potential. Im 21 and young but I haven't gone to school yet. And thats fine because a lot of people are better off not going to college at all, but academics were kind of my strong suit and I feel like going to school would have actually been the right choice for me but I have no energy or mental clarity to figure that out. And i keep needing my wonderful boyfriend to understand how to be a better part of keeping our household chores even and equal but he isnt always the most vigilant about it. We've almost broken up about it and it got better but it sank back to a bad place and I feel like a failure for letting it get there and resentful that he let it get there.

... and then on top of the health insurance stuff i feel so hopeless about figuring it out and actually moving forward. I feel so stuck. I feel like I keep having these major events that make life suck and I never really recover. I just get somewhat better but not really and then I get kicked again. I just need some time to myself but what should have been a quick few paperwork things to straighten out my life today turned into an 8 hour insurance fiasco and then tomorrow I have to go to my uncle's funeral who was the only family member I felt close to on my moms side of the family and see my cousins husband who nearly tried to force me to fuck him until i threatened to scream right after the death and its sounds soap opera-ish and stupid because of course fuck that guy but it honestly still weirdly hurts even though it sounds so absurd and happened almost three weeks ago.

And Im not even in emotional pain, i feel closer to something like inconvenienced with all this bullshit but like the most intense inconvenience, like i just want to get on with my life but this bullshit weighs me down even though I'm just making it for myself because it literally doesn't have to matter. I know somewhere inside me I'm probably feeling pain but I can't even feel it and I just want to die I don't know how to get out. ",4.378586398334491,5.138583990839695,5.330490978487164,83.35984472588483,70.16030534351145,8.580499653018737,26.33674531575295,8.776555601660561,1.7634045801526723,2554,75,522,43,44,839,277,655,0.191,0.6829999999999999,0.126,-0.9965,2,0,1,0,0,3,30.0,1,0,1,10,47,35,5,1,24,0,46,16,2,6,3,138,103,68,3,8,34,3,17,8,0,5,10,3,1,1,36,42,2,5,27,0,1,8,16,16,0,1,15,21,61,19,86,76,16,81,0,5,1,3,16,37,4,18,46,372,97,8,0.1062852825338233,0.0,0.10371910391668394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710774503962427,0.0,0.10642935758037096,0.0,0.0,0.04249815102124178,0.04421893470230183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04065397511138177,0.0,0.052703220283089484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086341083477578,0.08874377137652514,0.09718578259243868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500173804824104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281782170841124,0.0,0.04577167905251594,0.0,0.05515367149403769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439385766371809,0.0597783186213111,0.04706860659087761,0.0,0.0,0.21060128013965165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001963052249802,0.0,0.4030577427338927,0.18982556769741746,0.1020505389905249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058268163176155935,0.0,0.0982590310442939,0.1665890200819816,0.0,0.15101093852317235,0.0,0.04250302489381858,0.0,0.0,0.052619569928400486,0.04699386216606201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453968159222804,0.11297628520957567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700439063404667,0.0,0.05689029659847866,0.0,0.17220951567387385,0.05546711059099742,0.0,0.1889424852596125,0.0,0.05533988306952179,0.05841161168031918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868390243904134,0.18768109570717664,0.2077024814761388,0.0,0.0,0.047029565219821566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807198928251706,0.0,0.0,0.10641937711510756,0.10775659435455903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353562018699525,0.053555283114425575,0.0563759443222312,0.0,0.062240019167720914,0.0,0.0564822174508082,0.0781319120037077,0.07880919026290507,0.04098688108495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040417373382616056,0.11309503428558655,0.0,0.0,0.05754830177947905,0.0,0.03684241617191783,0.0,0.05552274928930223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057296755533218786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048796016655009,0.13617814716273766,0.0,0.052471947075062836,0.0,0.0,0.09076705055096766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075663802246509,0.04234780468876945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045027587491065064,0.04091180156181425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487956392580775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083560998508545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060773241715824114,0.0,0.10591682846939787,0.03405165871803139,0.10442475044962682,0.0,0.1859274089072196,0.0,0.1007460202301755,0.0,0.0,0.07216073009128728,0.05780393340480625,0.0,0.05532336373475974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154473377849235,0.06268981339516465,0.0,0.04262782130961018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526185508132394,0.11606542730434333,0.05396893181174305,0.0,0.0755020152382968,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buckleshot,2019/02/22,"Hanging yourself with a ratchet strap Would that work? I tried partial suspension hanging with a rope in a slip knot, couldn’t even become dizzy. I tried full with the same rope, same knot, and suffocated, so naturally I found a way to save myself. All of the videos I’ve seen of people hanging have people lose consciousness within a matter of seconds. Supposedly it suppresses the carotid arteries, but I’ve been unsuccessful. So if I used something like this:

https://www.ratchetstraps.com/1-inch-heavy-duty-ratchet-strap-s-hooks

Tied the shorter part tightly around my neck and connected it to the longer piece, could I compress my carotid arteries?

Other option is exit bag.

I’m killing myself after this semester ends (don’t want to end up failing my classes if I somehow fail this and end up in the psych ward). I just want to know what materials to get.",7.045518018018018,9.650062155405411,6.042972972972972,73.70450450450451,65.95945945945945,8.446846846846848,32.6036036036036,9.075114841892004,3.0854441441441454,701,30,110,13,12,211,96,148,0.147,0.792,0.061,-0.951,0,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,4,6,6,1,0,11,0,7,1,1,1,1,29,15,8,1,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,3,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,3,2,12,2,18,9,6,16,0,3,1,0,0,8,0,4,5,74,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182170144624568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255729887539134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307332593878013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427023822887238,0.0,0.0,0.13490215515299792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394453017733654,0.0,0.0,0.10670978741906588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22596726481104865,0.0,0.112247925982357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997839817136086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284983497359076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117785600255194,0.0,0.28319607588365914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723808131329786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27733842834022604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640244103905142,0.0,0.0,0.2409384480722742,0.16212048535458035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869307795020908,0.0,0.0,0.14509006641298722,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mandolinemassacre,2019/02/22,"Tonight may be the night I’ve been discharged from my therapists office because my new meds have messed with my sleep schedule so much that I’ve missed too many appointments. They won’t see me without making me speak to the person in charge of admissions. They aren’t in until Monday. It feels like I’ve been given up on.

I’m so exhausted. I don’t think I can make it until then. I just want to rest.",2.7501916376306643,4.5475070853658535,3.512717770034847,90.7425609756098,75.70731707317074,6.636933797909408,22.68989547038328,7.447530270364453,0.7792383275261319,319,9,67,4,7,101,61,82,0.1,0.852,0.048,-0.6176,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,9,2,1,2,0,9,18,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,3,10,1,12,12,2,12,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,1,9,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772868213654685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912393811180146,0.19656697588719235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344242281323941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36732907635602935,0.2789585741940434,0.0,0.0,0.30562925012652603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022666631416848,0.0,0.0,0.2657412613390142,0.0,0.25820932175999306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24025007474629664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192586595184492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753483751247816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194699686033807,0.0,0.17630479548507216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229040149194252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26523445863663264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justarandom55,2019/02/22,"Why does it always fucking come back Even when 99% of life is great. I have friends, I get along with people, laugh almost every god. Dammed. Day. I'm no longer the loner with no friends, no longer the wierd kid.
But that 1 fucking % of time just drives me crazy and I can't handle it. It hurts and I don't wanna do it anymore. Why live a life that clearly doesn't want me since it's been fucking me over since my first memory.",0.97848938826467,3.008918584269665,1.9228464419475664,98.88991260923844,82.25842696629212,4.404993757802747,17.754057428214733,5.033348758259628,-0.7764092384519352,330,7,76,1,9,103,61,89,0.158,0.6559999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,3,0,7,5,0,0,1,12,14,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,0,8,4,7,13,0,8,0,1,0,3,3,1,3,1,5,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369537941897096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526423568141531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819298409124154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105919509997786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802309561440064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830795060780687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053545055281682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116482062498565,0.0,0.1545617636322836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603967626309084,0.0,0.0,0.283460943359408,0.5087805770712734,0.09584333353976172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022506433908954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638349524046628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591476703007482,0.0,0.0,0.16198680422137274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271788493565102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034980253829536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696925077840544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820162142417322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33106424164237275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anx_teen,2019/02/22,"I don’t know what to do anymore or how to feel. People around me are constantly making my life hell, making up rumours and lies about me that never happened. The only person I felt I could open up to was my bf.. but.. he just started threatening me keeps throwing ultimatums at me that are emotionally manipulative. He said sorry because he acted “rude” but it doesn’t change the fact it was said. Sorry is an empty word. Every time I open up I feel like someone is slicing me open and I’m getting the opposite of help. I just get reminded why I should deal with my problems alone. My bf said he can’t be asked to deal with my drama and said how by me being depressed and having problems it’s ruining his mental health. I feel like such a burden and I can’t help but keep thinking maybe if I just disappear everyone would be happier. I just can’t stand this anymore. My head feels all messed up and I’m automatically repressing my emotions so I feel numb to prevent myself from getting even more hurt. I want to stop, I want it all to stop but I can’t. I feel like the only way I can be happy is isolating myself and leaving.",2.3790350325152083,4.437499775330399,4.220427942101953,84.05716593245229,77.6784140969163,6.790769876232432,24.90644010908328,7.793537801064563,1.4331893853576672,887,32,175,14,21,300,125,227,0.207,0.67,0.124,-0.9444,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,11,15,2,1,6,0,23,4,1,5,4,55,50,16,0,8,10,0,7,3,2,2,3,4,0,1,8,13,0,6,9,1,0,3,7,11,0,0,7,11,33,4,19,36,3,20,1,3,0,0,18,9,1,2,9,115,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754314843055476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059555251068288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924363705844328,0.09707297509863286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329767826719243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984509543862146,0.0,0.0,0.11221021127327467,0.0,0.08290488027013418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410144524486185,0.08943410045578286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336038468906578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858293320969606,0.0,0.08748660755892564,0.09922008706408264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150166862944708,0.2225421383958647,0.0996991845675335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275062948584826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182214585011564,0.11053573078499282,0.0,0.0,0.10656605707536568,0.11037318981636726,0.0,0.0,0.13919864003359006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115896568072156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845890467300284,0.0,0.0,0.057065745182824965,0.0,0.0,0.1099477072169321,0.0,0.0,0.07334268838103461,0.15218759430864148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862314660315728,0.0,0.104317575207243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046426233238685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008499832648712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794445412904634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719870543785949,0.09066590007891356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987147367627297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950886077725863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798020667620911,0.0,0.0,0.2324725965524592,0.07349590655056168,0.0,0.0,0.17362368461999492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653414359085122,0.0,0.0,0.060547813662291526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249074503700685,0.0824204654579946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369615972507543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376236742034832,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drake8472,2019/02/22,"Why is it, I can’t find joy in what I love anymore? I’ve never posted before, it’s hard to know where to start. For several weeks now I’ve been finding it harder and harder to find pleasure or joy in anything . And I don’t know what to do.

Lately I’ve been coming home from work and all I want to do is just lay there. ",0.8058215962441331,2.071303971830986,2.985563380281693,94.73402582159626,79.70422535211267,5.2967136150234735,18.875586854460085,5.46131890053228,-0.4278751173708923,246,5,59,1,6,84,44,71,0.019,0.7509999999999999,0.23,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,14,14,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,4,4,9,12,1,10,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,5,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451283931567566,0.0,0.0,0.17799759925408562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840565363983408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863244795229428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930866066991771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376354357713615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169679124583644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237747154789522,0.0,0.2439973692728195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952204333851836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682495280177634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071569233514185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435898285481106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309922454435587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758015350232346,0.0,0.17350391368589266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517834488951585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746997510277075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UrBombThicc,2019/02/22,"I need someone to reach out to me hey so atm i feel shit, i wanna kill myself so much because of things in life eg. mum in hospital, body image, body dysmorphia, anxiety, bullying, bullied for sexuality and self harming, i feel like i cant go on much longer but at the same time i dont wanna kms ",-0.3593078324225871,1.9073986065573791,2.7221857923497272,87.61785063752279,95.72131147540985,5.9897996357012735,21.531876138433514,7.3871296695380915,1.1848018214936251,229,9,48,5,9,81,48,61,0.226,0.7290000000000001,0.045,-0.8788,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,9,6,4,1,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,11,6,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832050380459666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459875690597185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320267313993787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28067412861283664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421811852837677,0.1710878223190832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610459819339715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26495419048987306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691550318773899,0.11700006246875085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520974239794793,0.17757477172810482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24983463273666734,0.0,0.2458274662567448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291449622866373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591029047490081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964537674077976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inputmethod,2019/02/22,"I don't have a plan or actively want to hurt myself... But I think about suicide often. In a way it's comforting to know I have a way out when I feel sad. I don't want to kill myself. But I do think about it rather often.

Is this something I should be concerned about?",0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,2.21793103448276,96.37850574712644,84.51724137931033,5.2459770114942526,18.287356321839077,6.42735559955562,-0.235974712643678,206,5,49,2,6,69,35,58,0.185,0.624,0.191,-0.3944,0,0,1,0,0,4,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,14,14,4,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,8,12,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777138357824586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340338066316968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34521417648081176,0.0,0.17148313655998115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402153904787141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413093969598913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998715374604533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368085917238434,0.4953486505149262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aquilles22,2019/02/22,Wtf is wrong with me I just remembered i was sexually assaulted when i was like 3 or something im 22 now and ive literally never done anything in life. I zoned out every single day of my life to go home amd stare at walls or a tv screen while begging god to kill me.i did this literally every day. I have no sexuality which makes me uncomfortable asf around literally everyone in life im so scared of it i have started crying while some girls tried flirting with me at my job. I have no ability to function i just wanna die so bad i have no hobbies friends idek anyone in my life i literally have like 5 phone contacts of family members that i have no relationship with. I have no idea what i want to do in life i have no idea how to get ahold of a therapist or what to even tell them. I just cant do life rn im so miserable everyday i bearly even pay my rent idk if ill even be able to at the end of the month i just dont have the energy to think about anything other than how much i want to die.pls help,1.1186493101913657,3.084191154205609,3.658117489986652,86.98605919003117,81.38317757009347,7.253760569648421,22.807298620382728,8.269060116576782,1.297772852692479,793,27,177,17,21,277,121,214,0.246,0.67,0.084,-0.9898,2,0,1,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,1,0,16,10,2,2,5,0,20,7,0,3,1,26,27,13,2,4,8,0,0,2,1,0,7,0,2,1,7,6,0,0,4,1,2,1,9,6,0,0,4,2,27,4,29,22,3,22,0,1,2,0,8,10,0,5,13,118,34,2,0.11445973717635735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003290955515606,0.0,0.18838122218897235,0.10189343296043613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556909955584256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572864667302985,0.1476341229218977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375822726541561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713205070335808,0.13414595951904976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137735368835764,0.0,0.0,0.2267987307284793,0.0,0.19287453035813226,0.10937118393628648,0.0,0.0,0.10790245355412867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884313090127994,0.0,0.05980048852321136,0.0,0.06505010636300221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671994912160211,0.0,0.11481244886441493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584222223700293,0.37090847261993626,0.0,0.11358362772035553,0.0,0.12663274056471613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48507778406541996,0.11183849199944773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640276335964379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136067020457876,0.0,0.0841410767307763,0.0,0.08827840552937939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288692236655728,0.12966056962854552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459416457612745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811669767517147,0.0,0.0,0.08101519109445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004285530926924,0.0,0.0,0.13289657684522305,0.0,0.0733411779009868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777106482082726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135022637072296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514375441178227,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heretothrowawaynow,2019/02/22,"Trying to live up to society's unrealistic life standards is a waste of existence Taking the conventional path that everyone told you will give you happiness would defeat the purpose of my existence. But at the same time I'm not sure if following my own path is a better choice, because what is? Who is right and who is wrong?

There is nothing else to do in this world.

If there is concrete evidence that what I believe in is complete bullshit then...what I will do next depends on how old I am by that time. If I'm still much younger then I would try to change my beliefs ASAP. I don't want to spend 40+ years living a lie. 

But if I need to wait till I'm 75 to know the truth then my life would be a complete mess. 

Maybe I am living a lie to fake my happiness, because I was supposed to be depressed. That's the saddest part. 



",4.306096256684491,4.7665081764705866,5.3608021390374345,84.15451871657756,70.17647058823529,8.53475935828877,30.74866310160428,8.575989854853784,2.1764117647058825,650,26,138,10,11,215,98,170,0.165,0.765,0.07,-0.9407,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,2,4,10,0,0,10,0,21,2,0,2,2,22,32,11,0,9,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,15,5,18,23,4,17,2,2,0,0,6,7,0,5,9,91,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968537149701522,0.0,0.0,0.1660490194036116,0.0,0.1303473825406879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591059041452934,0.0,0.3090543994366671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693988156298538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231187308529956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082979575347596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138222274695794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137817119603566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099728065574689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820049911951635,0.0,0.0,0.3904229598189192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806500623654464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834271170892393,0.10928186910698502,0.0,0.0,0.15674240545766832,0.0,0.0,0.14141698266290156,0.0,0.1546525934384506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960031974480227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258634038041479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769943789365572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890576993143078,0.0,0.11081290543123733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718792329999227,0.0,0.0,0.14082979575347596,0.0,0.20012537710877484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692970907247541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31408778541157634,0.16113905637065418,0.0,0.09490916162872463
suicidewatch,Nasis7033,2019/02/22,"I'm not worth it. I used to fool myself into living. At lease partially numb myself from the pain. I tried to get better. At 26 I stopped drinking. Started waking up early, brushed my teeth, ate a healthy breakfast, worked out,  got a job, did the sport/activity i found interesting and challenging, going home to a clean apartment, cooking dinner and falling asleep to netflix.

I've been trying that for 2 and a half years and it hasn't worked. I'm still having nightmares every night. I am still waking up with a sense of dread that yet again I must go through the ""motions"" to take care of myself so I that I don't fall deeper into the pit of depression. I am sick of the constant battle between my mind and depression. Because of that, I am deciding to let the depression win and am stopping trying to get better. Like my stomach is gurgling and I know I should eat something but I won't eat.

If you repeat something enough, it's true. I am not worth life. I am not worth life.

I find it interesting to see where this path leads and if it will result in death. How much can I throw away before life is not an option or gets taken away as well. Maybe if I don't take care of myself I could come down with some deadly disease. That would be a nice out. 

This isn't a plea for help, more like a goodbye to you beautiful internet strangers whom I will never meet.",2.7130269607843163,4.653998562500004,3.71014705882353,88.64857843137257,76.24264705882355,6.150980392156862,24.200980392156865,6.996647511020387,0.8866612745098035,1067,35,215,11,24,343,159,272,0.13,0.716,0.153,0.8865,1,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,7,8,21,1,1,15,0,25,18,5,4,3,43,45,16,2,7,9,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,2,0,13,15,7,2,4,3,3,8,10,8,1,1,6,2,29,13,35,30,4,35,0,3,1,0,5,14,0,6,15,148,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253411498686914,0.0,0.0,0.07310327865538067,0.0,0.10204470631489654,0.0,0.0,0.21212235472445667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453674383623086,0.0,0.0,0.10330210034510924,0.0,0.12959297350628055,0.0,0.09574788096801087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30986567655678376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747780965063988,0.0,0.24542008947321284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391138237047025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103937499882884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960644626593416,0.0,0.0,0.13148817622635864,0.0,0.0,0.187962733299954,0.0,0.13630876152120125,0.0,0.09591250045923312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038112336341237,0.0,0.1202914459862104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190039839231732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590594135486981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262827020709098,0.2541131586258735,0.1171755680903388,0.0,0.10589323692969647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047766960484706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108693557748328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815639668773596,0.0,0.09249116411606673,0.0,0.0,0.11253858171180783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276053593238592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955622299073077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464347871185244,0.0,0.0,0.08488133978494247,0.0,0.19153957240341093,0.20052016038205944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033269234689264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425729963842266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357402002958133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782419233921384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460914648528794,0.0,0.0,0.08518907876918362,0.0,0.0,0.0772257733803163
suicidewatch,_throwaway124265,2019/02/22,"Don't know if i can deal with this much longer I've had intrusive thoughts for years now. They're usually something like ""what if you kill someone"" ""what if youre sexually attracted to something fucked up"". They've convinced me that i'm a monster. I'm stuck in my own thoughts. I don't want to hurt anyone and am not planning to, but my head is full of ""what if"" -scenarios. I feel like the worst person on the planet. I might just end it all in a few weeks. My suicide note has been in progress for about a month now, but i keep procrastinating with it.
I just can't keep living like this. I just want normal brains with no intrusive thoughts. ",2.3194358974358984,4.354251738461542,3.158076923076924,91.71608974358976,77.76923076923076,6.487179487179486,24.679487179487186,7.492282038375204,0.9820256410256416,506,18,111,7,12,160,83,130,0.17600000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.128,-0.8227,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,2,0,2,6,9,2,0,5,0,10,3,2,0,1,26,23,7,2,7,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,1,13,5,15,16,6,13,0,1,0,1,4,6,1,5,10,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234755818866787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533151604897206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039297180170788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497714313199587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847331871548822,0.12500316582924584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617628502424596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795762537429857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731584122298825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31105410487623303,0.1935854472984601,0.0,0.0961624462631304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564538728572396,0.0,0.15450735543023167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562229530969745,0.0,0.0,0.13966448272516013,0.0,0.12862777748047785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143970824782126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278263196781885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825692487875167,0.2694107425590089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139576755278706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167351186594245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927117697942828,0.0,0.20641121305986374,0.0,0.14035550323227494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126790563968574
suicidewatch,madmans_sphere,2019/02/22,"33 years and finally had enough... Anyone else just give up on bettering themselves and just sit around all day doing nothing productive? I sit around almost all day smoking weed and watching movies/TV series or podcasts while daydreaming about living out of a pack hiking around the west coast. The highlight of my day is getting or making lunch. I quit working about a year ago and have just been living off of savings just waiting for something to happen in life or till I run outta money and take a walk into the woods and end it. Past few years I just don't fit in with society, I have woken up to the truth that everything is a lie. Things I was taught as a kid about religion or happiness and success has all been false. I don't want to be a part of this madmans capitalistic society anymore that judges people by money and possessions rather than their character all while worshiping an invisible old man in the sky. This is not the world I wish to live in anymore. This year will be my last.                                                                                                                                     ""This world is the madman's sphere, tho I live here my address is somewhere else.""",6.089326923076925,6.71745043269231,6.080769230769231,79.96423076923078,66.30769230769229,9.092307692307692,30.903846153846153,9.057496981413335,2.5045269230769223,862,31,161,14,13,272,130,208,0.028,0.902,0.07,0.8559,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,4,14,6,0,0,14,0,18,2,0,1,5,36,28,17,0,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,8,14,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,6,1,13,6,30,19,7,38,1,0,1,0,4,18,0,5,16,113,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548724071552173,0.0,0.13045872634896846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25840971509872424,0.09109628917761478,0.13348943040619854,0.0,0.3479361309937207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152239499798382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206357289012776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176679916216729,0.0,0.11539129064514933,0.13461625902403332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708917095448765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271769692634825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806703174671898,0.1249784832215462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152080505564216,0.13868774185865335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619731826211433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202211593637537,0.0,0.0,0.4601660037591026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696432834523367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500921015090927,0.0,0.13670917162484544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108284263629856,0.12436902754016713,0.09032121960855466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857107389348025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029754281595696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795594221881523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655365308458372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684377127252387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981801111703705,0.0,0.0,0.09484693674449117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355896613795966
suicidewatch,PlsNoPunterinoJimmer,2019/02/22,":thonk: Meh.

Why is life just shit? Sure it has its ups and downs but in general it's a pile of hot steaming garbage.

I could go on a big rant about how shitty my life is until I realize that my life isn't shittier than the average person's life.

Is jumping from a cliff effective or nah? I considered jumping while I was at a very steep cliff but I didn't since I was unsure if I'd die or turn into a vegetable.",1.914895666131624,3.079209606741575,3.9528410914927785,89.36820224719101,76.52808988764046,7.782343499197433,25.07383627608347,8.418075326091056,1.4394802568218297,321,11,74,6,7,110,64,89,0.202,0.677,0.121,-0.8186,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,6,0,9,6,1,2,1,14,11,9,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,1,8,1,11,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,2,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906548338779004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25875967293186963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169697139968268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7044216296053317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177007091402774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559282193092597,0.20624396639775933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23498557695702865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711936757214827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20571898700713112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497675970917289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Category5worrycane,2019/02/22,"I haven’t been happy in years. I’m thinking about ending it but I don’t want to leave my family with bills. I remember the last time I was happy. I was in high school riding the bus with my two best friends next to me, we weren’t doing anything in particular but I remember feeling really happy. After that I’m sure I’ve felt happiness but I can’t remember them very well. I don’t really have any friends anymore, I talk with an old buddy on Facebook but those messages are far and few between and mostly consist of “hey, what’s up? And not much, you?” I work a job that I tolerate, it doesn’t pay much but it doesn’t leave me completly broke at the end of the week. The only reason why I’m still here is because I don’t want to leave my mother with all the bills, I promised to pay for half of them 50/50 and so far have kept my promise. I have a 9 year old brother too but I don’t feel any love towards him, he’s just kinda there. I’m probably going to stay for a while, maybe a couple years to help with bills and save some money to leave her but once I feel like I’ve done enough for her I’m going to drive my car into a river.",2.011817400644468,3.120134628571428,3.8397636949516674,90.50031149301829,76.18367346938777,6.953813104189044,22.28249194414608,7.475848149327749,0.6579387755102046,884,23,203,11,19,299,135,245,0.047,0.698,0.255,0.9959,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,2,2,8,15,0,0,12,0,19,1,0,1,2,39,35,14,0,2,9,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,1,9,0,6,5,10,1,1,2,7,4,30,14,30,28,8,31,0,1,0,1,17,11,0,3,15,129,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134887493565176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835691372156996,0.0,0.0,0.08161420345901567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060457365995621085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408012094174736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398517577492293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973744111348288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149248323790963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568273257635872,0.1024763311958988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349522946888664,0.0,0.1504405818617818,0.07085205376018985,0.09522545306355208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532477762285202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127291256325962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223029542064855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647623859977593,0.1047859237235565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984178486015242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084247502674835,0.0,0.4200564038089665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845286241659569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895110958598498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963660590295073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581298232957782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547584252228016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813911262299303,0.1056202460663418,0.0,0.07542856177086359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692955781897297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707062490018567,0.10197045252478376,0.0,0.0,0.33704455212613377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003723977611694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570946391501897,0.07920286370483776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934731291889006,0.0,0.0,0.07971469912737202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354860368333884,0.0,0.0,0.05783089413428168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688149770408358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183139449721946,0.1169943038434781,0.0,0.07955379045468168,0.0,0.08917201498122261,0.0,0.08949179773974532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220202205299503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160016888811712
suicidewatch,ScaryOnTheComputer,2019/02/22,"To anybody who reads this I hope that you're stronger than I am. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I really tried my best. Don't worry I'll die alone with no friends or relatives to miss me. I don't know when I'll be found, theres nobody who ever visits or checks on me. I wish you the best in life, and just know that I've wished for this release of pain for a long time.  


Love,  
Dylan",0.10139534883721167,1.6161472209302303,2.049011627906978,99.51909883720931,82.6046511627907,5.230232558139536,16.563953488372093,5.985473137389443,-0.7632976744186046,295,5,76,2,8,98,63,86,0.107,0.578,0.314,0.9721,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,14,15,4,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,10,5,9,12,2,7,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,3,4,43,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785856061661934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212321505751632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828878947660429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181539302696916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005072090801392,0.15505576321277184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993345244159533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205924566524352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417561775074811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760796233314402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113426016523948,0.0,0.133964869643394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355267155429916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007484098917279,0.0,0.12856977902531744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246606130069061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170263431933474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362581194625187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615766190903131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038145996795257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoullessSDB,2019/02/22,"Will shortly talk about my life and then I'm ending it on Sunday. No turning now. Hey. My name is ""Steve"" (not really), I'm 21. This is going to be quite a lengthy post, so brace yourselves, if you want to go through it. Will briefly talk about the parts of my life.

I had an alright childhood, never had too many friends, but I managed with the ones I did, Was a fun time. Mother didn't go to work for 10 years after my birth (crazy, right), but father managed.

10 years old, my parents divorced, at the time, I didn't even notice. Only that the atmosphere was a bit different, we stopped going outside as a family, ties with our close family started to crumble, and I stopped talking to basically everyone, including my best friend. I also started to become fat.

12 years old - Found some other friends from my street, the family situation was still the same. Found some friends in my class. Lost some weight, wasn't as fat as the year prior, though I still was overweight.

13/14 years old - Nothing really changed, other than the fact I found some other friends in the neighborhood, and became close friends with my classmates (six people together)
Fell in love for the first time, she said no, didn't want a relationship, was in one 2 weeks ago (lasted for about 6 years).

15 years old - Everything went to shit. The situation at home was unbearable, mother became an alcoholic, like, berserk, shouting and fuming.
My close classmates sometimes asked, whether or not I'm ""alright"", they noticed that I wasn't as happy as I used to be.

They also developed some micro groups, secretly talking behind others' backs. I was left out, nor did I want to participate, so I got kicked out, they insulted me every day, that kind of stuff.

This was also bad, because I fell in love with one of those girls. Of course, she said no. Then again, I'm happy for that, as she went on the drugs career and dated 25+year-olds.

After a month of this harrassing, they finally cut that shit out and we became friends again. This lasted until the final days of primary school, we wanted to go for a pizza, it was closed, and that was the last time we ever met together.

At this stage, I was first getting suicidal thoughts (almost 6 years ago). Whether when best friends can do something dirty like this, is the life really worth living? Can I trust anyone?

High school: I didn't even have to do tests, went for the first meeting 3 weeks before school started, I was put in ""A"" class and my 2 former ""Our 6"" classmates were put in ""B"".
I said ""Hey, we can maybe meet each other sometimes, and I'll get some new friends in here.""

Boy was I wrong.

At first, everything seemed alright, but after 2 months, I knew this was going to be hell for the next 4 years.
Literally nobody liked me, because I was a big ginger, I was fat, didn't have the coolest things because we were poor AND I wasn't dumb and didn't drink myself to death every friday. So they left me out of... everything. Every conversation, every project, everyhing. I had a giant target on my back.

First year came and went. School was a nightmare, but I'm a strong guy, I can cope with pain. The situation at home was starting to become insufferable.
The police were called about 3 times, my mother went to the psychiatric facility, to rehab, didn't work.

Second year, I was all alone, in my class, but hey, two of those 6 former classmates showed up, so we talked every break and were friends again. That went to shit when that girl I fell for, again, started to do drugs, again. And started dating another guy I knew. Because she told me ""I don't wanna ruin our friendship by dating you"" and did that exact thing with that guy.

Then, a beacon of hope happened. Whopping ONE girl from my class wished me a happy birthday or something, and we sparked up a conversation.
By this time, we took our mother to the court to get her out of our house. We did, after many painful months. So this girl was my beacon of hope. She was about the coolest girl you could imagine, cute, no makeup, smart, liked good music, so I asked if she would go out with me, she denied. Every time.

After some months of talking and 10 000 messages, I told her about my life, how she was my only beacon of hope, and yes, that I fell in love with her, aaaand she blocked me. Back to square one I go.

Now, another friend from primary school was contacting me, and he was a nice guy, so he sometimes came by to my place and I had at least one person to talk to, since everyone else either found a girlfriend and left, or they completely changed their tune.

3rd year in high school: Tried to get my beacon of hope back, no dice.
Helped my best friend that I knew for 14 years find a girlfriend, he payed me back by... being a dick and never having time for me. She broke up with him, he started smoking 20 a day, drinking and cutting himself. I helped him from this shithole, he cried on my shoulder, literally, then payed me back by... getting another girlfriend, never talking to me, being a dick and calling me ""gay"" for not being in a relationship. I kicked his face in and that's how our 14-year long friendship ended.

The girl who was on drugs and I helped, called me to go out with her. We played some darts, she went on to fuck a guy, then came back, then another guy, she told me to act like her cousin (to not get in a fight, spooky), then I was pissed and went home. She was ""sorry"" and told me we would do another meeting sometime, I told her to fuck off. And she did, she went to England and we never spoke again.

Until we did. She came back, and she said ""hey, wanna go outside?"", and she forgot that she owed me something, fucked me around, cheated on my friend and caused him depressions and was a dick. So I dismissed her.

And that guy who had depressions came to me, I helped him, found HIM a girlfriend (totally good at that), and HE payed me back by being a dick and never speaking to me again.
The last time we met, he was too scared to look me in the eye. I was never in a proper fight my entire life, but this guy knew I would send him to the hospital. But I'm a nice guy, so I didn't, I just stared him down.

Last year of school: I rarely went. Missed a lot of hours, was either constantly sick/depressed or I just faked the doctor's signature to get a week free. Even then, I had about 50 hours unattended with no clearance, so I bought that swine of a teacher a wine+chocolate combo, and if she did clear me, cool, if not, I would jump.
Yes, even the teacher was a scumbag, where someone told her a secret, and the next day, everyone knew. What a bitch.

She did clear me though, end of high school, literally grabbed my papers on the last and didn't even say goodbye, slammed the door.

So I was 19, severely depressed, with no friends, a broken family, my father took the initiative and HE became incendiary after my alcoholic mother left (called me a ""unthankful prick"" ""lazy dick"" ""a useless boy without a character"" and even grabbed my neck and said ""I'll kill you!!!""), and I hated everyone and everything. I wanted to jump under the first bus. I didn't. Strong man.

I wanted to pick up a job immediately to get some money and move away from everyone from my family. Instead, I got talked down to rest for a while. Then, every job passed me by.

I'm not physically capable of doing most of the work, so it was tough. I worked at an office for 6 months as a... slave, basically, for 125 $ a month.
Then I was home for another 3 months, I took a job in the local grocery store... they fired me after 3 weeks (trained me for PRECISELY one day, put me as the leader of that part of the shop), for ""not being quick enough"", when I had to do three jobs in there (staff missing, under normal circumstances, 2 people work at 1, so I had to do six times the work).

Then I sold some pyro before the new year's eve, and now I'm here.

My body is broken down, my morale is non-existent, I have no job, no money, no saving, no friends, no family to help me AND I'm severely depressed. And NOW I think it's finally time for me.

No matter how tough you are, there comes a time, when enough is enough. I never cut myself, I never abused alcohol or pills, I never seeked attention. That's all pointless.

I was betrayed by all of my friends, I don't fit in the modern society, everyone hates me and every single time I fell in love, I got destroyed.
I never wanted much in life, I got nothing at all.
I have nothing to live for, I have nobody to live for.

So I'm ending my miserable piece of shit life tomorrow.

I know people will cry at my funeral, and I know people will act like they miss me. Perhaps even those old souls from my life will visit. But deep inside, I know that nobody will, and that makes my job that much easier.

Even if you have only one thing/one person to live for, don't give up. I don't, I'm done.",4.444590464065059,5.261618680715934,4.967397998460354,85.81530358658534,70.04503464203233,7.976794773099624,26.63944651704467,8.11159656811543,1.4826143029154584,6793,205,1402,89,117,2170,534,1732,0.165,0.711,0.124,-0.9981,10,1,13,0,4,1,356.0,21,6,9,19,76,98,24,2,90,6,118,51,19,7,21,220,244,121,4,25,32,9,4,6,20,10,23,9,5,20,52,98,11,4,21,5,13,45,49,44,0,19,121,18,226,55,209,104,36,287,3,12,4,13,197,81,17,28,164,932,278,35,0.0,0.027352869616305384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040928295121204786,0.07401502132391652,0.02311706999000732,0.02390990169172014,0.0,0.05538506032202941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524469450481206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016142111391734573,0.0,0.0,0.020551235161581544,0.04316416852961828,0.0,0.02168984654504678,0.15976383110761955,0.0192756587160562,0.05629149924543991,0.0509928518005097,0.03928859015753144,0.0,0.07268129308530434,0.0,0.02520368829324418,0.025643092886277745,0.0,0.0,0.09429263400443078,0.132019888454965,0.0,0.02371545128265259,0.048843380012275284,0.0198863519208282,0.024204996972970075,0.024947522547971817,0.0,0.01843211367670493,0.0,0.050717281953354516,0.07444207859842751,0.0,0.09941872546004282,0.0,0.0,0.024119722425068033,0.0,0.02362927002484659,0.0,0.023624764118976068,0.0,0.0452305433828732,0.08031651294011627,0.0,0.01928520359551374,0.0,0.08178858146892479,0.07156133365875388,0.0,0.12198349888054752,0.02088240613131444,0.15560609609094905,0.13235669006350806,0.08299202777088051,0.0,0.13057929052386916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586801774763298,0.021099981084159124,0.11782049593630962,0.0,0.1265618093499413,0.2853762130674997,0.06402728390291934,0.09649092128598076,0.02214597999484672,0.13120178546452896,0.038726507322731085,0.07385521616179637,0.0,0.0,0.20572693055378127,0.020414675527346646,0.07372571368035376,0.0,0.04558484879127799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736954532657782,0.07317416971132022,0.09262766274665904,0.09171753847255612,0.04546967828602335,0.02663788601687711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745442327139554,0.0,0.025540990767398408,0.024040283230891173,0.038062016331068434,0.11290793223518808,0.0,0.0,0.1003310529462592,0.0,0.1304493308658813,0.06767126445007753,0.0,0.08154065284575927,0.02043018534552804,0.019386237588589587,0.0,0.02520085165685789,0.019626701250504384,0.08334325688979216,0.0,0.015409934783612425,0.046810706936722,0.02319276499082998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898792339601733,0.024536526456342345,0.03394140337413673,0.0,0.17805173689929346,0.04459277274941373,0.049103969483099176,0.0,0.02261915896380456,0.06645427426734077,0.05256661811015187,0.1453478311726196,0.0,0.1251481545792273,0.052673318934164944,0.04912978679078989,0.0,0.025634022296518125,0.049999291559667904,0.0,0.06401908139708858,0.04031521839028165,0.024119722425068033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02210979196694915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962274382137268,0.0,0.02455456452347457,0.0,0.0,0.04436801786612198,0.0,0.0,0.04957096775449196,0.0,0.0197151266161569,0.10979929810987853,0.01835873571760668,0.023112889181615942,0.1869123029026801,0.0,0.021016423483330684,0.0,0.05216071168435,0.0947888694936711,0.019096792518130658,0.07784813864046476,0.0,0.0,0.019560503138921617,0.053317674838404536,0.09132969129789334,0.025842636238130573,0.11438161781657083,0.0,0.03687266116423661,0.03860148499649879,0.0,0.0,0.02642769036443725,0.02525209203586529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699925090573522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601149142514886,0.014792433136057097,0.04536331553086985,0.0183275274849232,0.1749995217243861,0.0,0.0,0.13235669006350806,0.07694743991343539,0.015673726554166247,0.02511069510510843,0.0225514487155358,0.0,0.0,0.019938698296376685,0.0,0.0,0.09531612196150847,0.0,0.07407206816909544,0.02811225589602086,0.0,0.21400745693520815,0.0,0.0,0.02654750315047533,0.02225386430338415,0.0,0.10084031952888384,0.0,0.0,0.06559789179718631,0.025240672055071144,0.0,0.25273020905059146
suicidewatch,proprocrasinator,2019/02/22,"I feel like I’ve been mentally asleep for the past week, and I’ve had intrusive thoughts surrounding self harm and suicide. I’ve dealt with suicidal for a couple of years now, but this is the oddest mental state it’s gotten me in. Thankfully I don’t have to deal with school for the next week (I’m a junior in high school) so I can recharge and be with people. 

I haven’t really been suicidal in six months, and it’s just come back in the past couple weeks. I took a shower the other day, and I couldn’t shave because I didn’t trust myself with a razor. I haven’t been processing anything which has made school especially tough, and I’ve had a really hard time not constantly zoned out. I’ve never had to deal with any of those specific things before, and I’m really not sure how to handle it. My go to solution is to hang out with my friends and possibly talk to them about it, so I’m hoping that at least helps, but if someone actually has experience with this sort of situation or can really say anything at all on it, that would be super helpful. I don’t even know if I’m in a bad mental space, because my mind hasn’t been awake all week. ",6.4801347517730505,5.307017038297875,7.1615425531914925,78.59791666666669,65.85106382978725,11.067375886524825,30.221631205673766,10.317481424215053,2.6719290780141844,904,25,192,19,12,301,127,235,0.106,0.757,0.13699999999999998,0.8667,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,0,0,11,0,24,1,1,2,4,40,38,16,3,5,8,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,13,18,0,0,3,0,0,4,10,3,0,1,12,3,15,7,30,22,3,33,0,0,0,0,9,13,0,5,16,120,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.10133815352767872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061844904295038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709118707989527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798507207344472,0.08670659105967188,0.12660641270704148,0.0,0.08836480688627575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894536373084716,0.0,0.11222001112299776,0.0,0.0,0.2298059720305144,0.0,0.0669717072889369,0.21412014373909946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858892288239518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158075063177104,0.0,0.0,0.05250736636585567,0.07418719135195044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023071665506261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901774733693384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930251022041316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921079691074506,0.10971839151737156,0.0,0.10314193691750954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707072900489232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507336285242507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982610506648561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139552867807774,0.0,0.10485427480909178,0.0,0.08288842635518667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009199252906253,0.0,0.11044078607366004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826441431567976,0.07199334134933412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707011202026772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661041498271661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258204887769464,0.0,0.31529133810426896,0.0,0.0,0.10833342463505104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672660705204785,0.0,0.0,0.08798789040475975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407701157934194,0.0,0.09787308276021907,0.0,0.0,0.0834670178756108,0.0,0.09560691395606144,0.0,0.0,0.06899028510195289,0.0,0.0,0.08244166667292323,0.0605531015899072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537608656153492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331941397329298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376880943759201,0.0,0.0,0.06687304807695613
suicidewatch,majabee101,2019/02/22,"Nighttime. Everything is alright in the day. 
Friends. 
Fun. 
Something for me to do. 
Support. 
I’m alright. 

But when it comes to me lying in my bed,
alone, 
with my thoughts,
no help, 
It gets really bad. 

My thoughts attack me and scare me. 
There’s no escape. 
Sleep is no option when thoughts are racing through your mind. 
I think about weird things. 
And all I need is someone to be there and to comfort me. 
just a smile would be good. 
Or a consoling hug. 
That’s alright. 

But it’s not there. 
I can’t get that one smile. 
That one hug. 
A friend. 
No one to text at 3 just to get away from my thoughts. 
And I just think. 

Wouldn’t it be better to just end it to get away from it all?",-1.2545476190476172,0.6725448785714292,0.17071428571428626,104.22845238095242,103.78571428571428,3.1904761904761907,17.261904761904766,5.148860815047168,-0.875666666666667,513,16,123,3,24,160,76,140,0.155,0.595,0.251,0.935,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,1,10,16,1,1,4,3,11,3,1,0,2,27,25,9,0,3,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,4,0,3,4,0,14,12,19,16,2,10,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,4,84,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092292982612094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676290846488404,0.2919621919413076,0.0,0.12973267372280067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741766135744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338428763076505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020482346486384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761723412752014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964214944603634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400866014717266,0.0,0.3247106984203695,0.0,0.0,0.13032222174432262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414542120496728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688571371566334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520951620769307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31586089243827203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953800058305982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555872591228995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548845492854707,0.0,0.13164978737985966,0.1196162236763988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631912047123074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322507248630056,0.19911764675599947,0.0,0.4934055283655025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037482582033828,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hidden__Squid,2019/02/22,"Im about to do it, talk me out I don't care about anything anymore. I'm a complete failure who is just a tax on everyone. The only thing even remotely keeping me to this world is my dog, who deserves better than the suicidal shit bag I am anyways. My friends and parents don't care about me, they know I've been struggling for so long now and have even made comments about it, but are very clearly not interested in me. I want it all to end, there just isn't a point in going through each day anymore.",3.8422252747252728,4.483333826923076,4.7273626373626385,87.63192307692306,71.30769230769229,7.481318681318682,32.164835164835175,7.447530270364453,1.925556593406594,394,18,85,4,7,128,72,104,0.15,0.7609999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.6779,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,12,7,1,1,5,0,10,1,1,1,2,14,18,4,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,10,5,14,16,2,11,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,60,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780202433116041,0.0,0.0,0.15683605697813774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855784849289351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886303022803528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982581782970185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291221728707726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880264640613246,0.0,0.0,0.2517605399078773,0.0,0.0,0.18211311123558416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724628769071238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831442825811503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586560829344944,0.0,0.0,0.1694016130942553,0.0,0.0,0.10474109333838033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866263192023812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033710202532624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494925773079187,0.0,0.0,0.21162322289842486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016539346822166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563381260569432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19924189067026987,0.0,0.20847017451035485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318582507043452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661688429957968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572534277861489,0.11241257358425122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,feeii,2019/02/22,"I'm a complete fuckup. I fucked up a 2 year relationship and have just fucked up a 3 month relationship because I wasn't honest and I lied about things. I can't even give a good enough reason as to why I did these things.

I don't deserve anyone after this. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm worthless. I can't stand living anymore. I've tried to kill myself twice now. I can't even keep my friends and loved ones. I just fuck everything up. People will honestly be better off without me in their lives. I'm a terrible person, I don't deserve happiness anymore. 

I'm going to kill myself tonight. ",1.5714888337469013,3.8580172903225822,3.641290322580645,85.94539702233253,81.74193548387099,6.073449131513648,23.248138957816376,7.321109707123232,1.1114436724565755,480,17,94,7,13,163,76,124,0.299,0.5770000000000001,0.124,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,1,6,14,5,0,7,0,11,4,0,1,0,8,23,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,7,0,2,2,0,15,7,13,18,1,12,0,1,0,4,9,5,3,0,5,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30012301390638696,0.10580133511322658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223879750238716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382375786040462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586484527335835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563464336612134,0.0,0.1998811792668139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599006859798402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690379134494082,0.4196583678682284,0.0,0.1451528981546578,0.08599447578148979,0.12691388628116795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161075147900643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449365102001376,0.3348100948787926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722371465925104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656558980474706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207763273659577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025333793091851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490115140703513,0.13212038461267114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555746229887283,0.0,0.32490635481337604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010508251861105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273136861634716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653614698395622,0.0,0.0,0.14586001159254872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974403967074046
suicidewatch,Myu_The_Weirdo,2019/02/22,"Life would be better if i was dead I wish i was the twin that died when mom was pregnant. My parents would finnaly have a daughter that is not a mess and wouldnt have to waste money on medication, their daughter would actually be smart and make them proud. My friends would actually want to hang out with her and they would be happier. Everyone would be happier, why i need to be a failure. I always ruin everything, i cant do anything right",4.768275862068965,5.813266919540232,5.527068965517241,81.26232758620691,69.45977011494253,9.018390804597699,31.74137931034483,9.2995712137729,2.7114689655172417,350,15,70,7,6,114,57,87,0.14400000000000002,0.596,0.26,0.8419,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,2,1,6,0,0,4,0,20,2,0,1,0,18,24,5,2,11,2,4,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,12,4,6,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,1,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.32596561986393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897008280689446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743933545194292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771143274344029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333548051829667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595902464494721,0.15010255422987429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903558223730474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796782345530955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148398869933863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682503122382525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560626405571505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238397054396937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854506908791534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426301268464178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850993264907043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070530236721413,0.0,0.19205931645931654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.711857129557261,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wantsleepforever,2019/02/22,"I want to die but cant kill myself because i made a promise that i wouldnt I hate my life so much. I'm never happy, when I smile I'm taking it, I'm socially awkward which means women hate me which in turn means I'm forever alone. I have no job anymore and can't find another which means I'm broke. My family, friends and basically everybody who meets me hates my guts and I have nothing to live for. I don't ever break a promise that I make but I'm not sure I can keep this promise, life is just so hard and painful and I'm tired of trying so hard to make things right only and hearing people tell me that things will get better when they know and I know that it never will. I just want to end things and sleep forever. Everybody will be better off with me in the ground.",1.3970909090909096,3.140167860606063,3.1460606060606118,92.09909090909096,79.48484848484848,6.33939393939394,21.303030303030305,7.3011,0.5235939393939395,607,17,137,8,15,202,91,165,0.204,0.606,0.19,-0.1527,1,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,2,8,15,4,1,3,0,12,6,2,3,4,31,37,15,2,3,5,0,2,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,14,9,0,1,6,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,1,3,21,8,10,31,1,12,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,83,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748273829481022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290692005415666,0.0,0.0,0.1220708835975662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503370945492005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772384804134728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774660403602206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902002506473484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134074703143526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603704144003947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125008124775684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509799944787736,0.0,0.06430874865529851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310301757530212,0.22052653863435284,0.3645737291349507,0.0,0.0,0.1387298744811906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214650995016793,0.10940686356959448,0.13617937387496498,0.0,0.1352926256094895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738823325365986,0.0,0.0,0.10868954880232357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646947368112155,0.1643252831808715,0.0,0.0,0.4022389319111659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048433363492364,0.0,0.18986713764640356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181068965238039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936144784893109,0.13097502099096878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533418397999327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511704980062428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317756101593695,0.1254733959537448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600961275603985,0.0,0.09254735965104548,0.0,0.10758492105536896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453239246038976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147231662145238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083569125719205,0.13388512482231826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520177083315206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jolivarez8,2019/02/22,Lost Boy Am I the only one that likes listening to Lost Boy by Ruth B. when I think about suicide? ,6.34,4.3497315714285705,6.647619047619048,84.80571428571429,66.6190476190476,10.304761904761904,30.523809523809533,8.841846274778883,1.9900095238095243,77,2,18,1,1,25,18,21,0.338,0.5579999999999999,0.104,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766370498609012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7893579279459406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24499838668655266,0.27497815323894353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954814566813752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166924135239245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayqwertyasdfz,2019/02/22,"I have no clue what else to do Sorry for the wall of text and stuff.
I'm 22 and still living in my mom's basement. I've had social anxiety that started when I was 10 that just continued to get worse. I dropped out of high school because I couldn't deal with all the people there anymore. I tried going to an alternative school when I was 20 to try to finish my schooling but had the same issues even though there was only 5 other people there. I stopped going to drivers Ed because I sat in the car before class the second day crying from how stressed and anxious I was. I have no job and no job experience. I have no friends. I have no hobbies. I have no talents. I have nothing. My mom is suffering due to me. She's in her 60s and on her feet all day at work trying to make enough money. We live in a house she can't afford so that I can have a room. She buy food she can't afford so that I can eat. She buy clothes she can't afford so I can wear something. I'm just a leach. She's behind in almost all her bills and exhausted everyday because of me. I've tried putting out resumes to places, but most don't even look at it since it's so blank. I've only had one place want an interview. I could sleep at all that night worrying over it. When I got there, I wasn't even able to answer any questions. I take pills that don't help since we can't afford the ones my doctor think might. My glasses barely work because we don't have the money to get a new prescription. I've tried getting disability and was declined because it wasn't serious enough. I've tried welfare but was declined because I live with a parent. I'm just so done with it all. I'm done trying to get better. I'm done trying to help my mom out. I'm seriously thinking of selling everything I own, giving my mom the money and just killing myself. Atleast that way she'll finally be able to take a much deserved break.",2.244037071219811,3.822746992385788,3.6815920627595764,89.9327588063375,76.53807106598985,6.298600215351485,24.37594216274419,6.980632752743323,0.823424027072758,1481,49,319,15,33,488,179,394,0.147,0.807,0.046,-0.988,8,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,3,0,0,3,22,9,1,1,16,0,39,8,3,2,5,43,62,21,1,3,7,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,15,17,2,1,4,0,7,4,16,6,0,3,16,1,47,3,37,41,11,40,0,1,1,0,27,18,0,4,15,206,62,10,0.14939868058275918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480059900446749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050798112947664335,0.0,0.05714479086181984,0.08438899220738726,0.07408167325754057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27321614704449204,0.0,0.06356363672158108,0.0,0.0,0.06606549611022511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596413448820263,0.0,0.08205371769928589,0.09634978953140706,0.07701173980338714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645794007029669,0.0,0.22933008052523984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643607382882907,0.062401713603458336,0.0,0.0,0.15436877382664813,0.0,0.14801462926859751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671349504126247,0.07307028848456916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818294760142989,0.0,0.0,0.09032673879106633,0.0,0.0577125250093945,0.0,0.15610928880269398,0.07165841388513114,0.08490671306912713,0.0,0.05974388634561825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001387864055948,0.07892395429621632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861930093708431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796670376630847,0.14825513788380051,0.0,0.08264375240438376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788265809793268,0.0,0.0627286323351641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986238969437942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924419541029243,0.0,0.3499478581202076,0.0,0.0,0.05491261013041727,0.0,0.0,0.07214508833446644,0.0,0.07010027059137187,0.0,0.07167603166192729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123641243112112,0.1136244287455696,0.0,0.0,0.08294477732265691,0.0,0.0,0.1035742340678978,0.0,0.1560898233207283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509346908906736,0.08368035687348259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267991611469656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358413242142495,0.0,0.07475328726157712,0.07614657031731897,0.0,0.057507201635876824,0.0,0.08361979573113339,0.05287257753363294,0.0,0.05965498964976727,0.06245199329863602,0.08556784192104938,0.0,0.0855128729730456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232921490302934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572864206310726,0.07339172256701408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057275893149615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405960629702658,0.059292859355207624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876401879394673,0.07586080605816188,0.07612500950009465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Haplessnhopeless,2019/02/22,"I'm going to end up dead before the end of the year 21 F

I've already tried to hang myself twice, with the last attempt being a few hours ago. It was the most uncomfortable sensation I've ever felt in my life. Suffocation hurts like a bitch but I was trying to cut off the blood flow from the arteries in the neck which is less painful but still uncomfortable.

I feel fucking trapped. I want to die and it's all I can think about. Nothing makes me feel better. I have complete and utter hatred for myself.

And before anyone suggests it,

I have no friends, my poor mum and sister are extremely stressed out because of me, I'm severely mentally ill and have panic attacks each time try to leave the house. I don't know what to do anymore and I definitely don't want to try. ",3.098054590570719,4.895675490322585,4.285806451612904,85.5717866004963,74.74193548387096,7.091811414392061,26.1166253101737,7.882392219407189,1.4880868486352354,611,22,123,9,13,200,103,155,0.326,0.586,0.08800000000000001,-0.9935,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,11,4,2,10,0,12,6,2,1,2,22,24,8,2,2,2,2,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,5,0,1,3,3,8,0,1,3,3,14,3,18,20,5,17,0,1,0,1,4,5,2,1,10,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519113302489658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829885121835084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124918541820334,0.1066387115319671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350242434146745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296883171073456,0.0,0.25954997649514233,0.0,0.0,0.13488292085659573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990409353477567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828155929540047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701576248054947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795425080952375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422752774890436,0.0,0.1464337550048913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782903938674345,0.14099326687822852,0.0,0.0,0.08667508861198299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019187355742672,0.17597634992344915,0.1632653749144961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381564388435878,0.12431620749712115,0.0,0.16148633202760065,0.0,0.0,0.10772249851766473,0.0745088036458308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018017748878568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369445932124912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633769630429322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228165678167558,0.17893791601119852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229317006998413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179488116165425,0.0,0.17469997395388165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772240890740116,0.0,0.0,0.0889299521391778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141777897769944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990899150198944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821159955043282
suicidewatch,Warm_Green,2019/02/22,"I'm 11lb overweight and my dreams are impossible I have no friends and my job sucks. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I was 160lb for most of my life until last October when I ballooned up to 185. Overweight is 174 for my height. I feel every extra piece of fat hanging off my body and crushing my lungs. I never want to be seen in public, yet I can't help myself with food because it's my only source of excitement.

My parents are abusive and controlling. They neglected me as a child. Yet, I'm living with them. I've never had a family member I really got along with. In fact, I was terrorized by two sociopath thief brothers, and my parents fueled their hate for me by constantly telling them I was way smarter than them.

I wish I had the sort of people I could confide in. My relationships have been with guys who raped and abused me. One committed suicide because his dad wanted to kill him. I always go back in my memory and wonder how I could have helped him.

It's the end for me.",1.5514075630252115,3.779343818627449,3.23778711484594,89.15147058823533,81.40196078431373,6.238655462184874,22.459383753501395,7.447530270364453,0.94373837535014,785,26,162,12,21,260,125,204,0.223,0.691,0.086,-0.9872,3,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,5,1,6,9,4,1,4,0,16,10,5,2,5,32,30,12,2,6,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,13,4,2,2,1,0,3,5,7,0,2,8,2,39,2,30,19,3,23,0,1,1,1,21,8,1,3,11,115,42,1,0.0,0.3265155640158073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146517307414052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595146191887456,0.0,0.1679901495094287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305284334557615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489012763525971,0.15454240976767492,0.2200270786054989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204041652205412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609342306251795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989548352167882,0.0,0.06967040718985522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666153613359388,0.0,0.10645566680196264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661766235778976,0.0,0.1102026857641069,0.0,0.0,0.13643306433715305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603840129434527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471451869090125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673461313352508,0.0,0.15244343871270313,0.0,0.0,0.11231666516400464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732465331938893,0.0,0.0,0.12167047108596225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188147940957405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336959168082816,0.10479496716815552,0.0,0.0,0.30599740961555244,0.0,0.0,0.09552574722216524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827135008158,0.0,0.0,0.14793413563378782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788880385625926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071912361170628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043391633136455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460011874471325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438150869305273,0.1093707280737783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584508880783329,0.0,0.14942661172761032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeeeeeaaaahhhhhhhhhh,2019/02/22,"Just tried to kill myself but pussied out Will try again in a few hours. Dont want to talk about it.

Fuck people man, fuck me, fuck life and FUUUUUCCKK my parents
I've got so many problems, i suffered years so i maybe could live happier when my narcissistic parents don't ruin my life but now it's just too little too late.",1.5533766233766249,3.8678459393939413,3.1053246753246766,89.59227272727274,82.03030303030303,5.58961038961039,21.549783549783545,6.868970318607317,0.42812380952381,256,8,55,3,7,84,51,66,0.316,0.583,0.101,-0.9606,2,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,4,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,9,9,6,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,6,1,9,0,2,0,3,4,3,3,0,6,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477374820269693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686271123816306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131928909920987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799148732588402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222478160611955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471670968579156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873049376712696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613950848537948,0.0,0.1854563052436523,0.1633916075166759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875991027408311,0.18589515891055444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410924756079064,0.0,0.0,0.12828178652184086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770560113911265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872622895468385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512567940613657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913998177435393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915815986157485
suicidewatch,OminousInstrumental,2019/02/22,"I'm doubting my place on Earth. I was born with a case of Asperger's. What this means is I've now spent 17 years on this planet, being confused to the brink of a breakdown every single day. Just now I'm beginning to understand that crossing your arms means you're angry. I have so much trouble navigating the extremely complex skill that is human communication. I can't find any logic in the way people seem to translate the sentences I say. If I say no, it's no. But if I say it while laughing, suddenly it's a yes. I hate people. I hate that I can't just say exactly what I mean. People are always like ""Oh but I thought you meant that and that"" NO! I meant exactly the words I said.


I don't understand this world. I don't understand why everyone is only in it for themselves. I don't understand all the cruelty, all the greed, all the ignorance, all the nonsense, all the war. I don't understand humans.

I feel like this world is not meant for me. I only enjoy it when I'm alone and when I listen to music. I'm hearing all these stories people have to say about the amazing experiences people have had, and I think ""I don't remember a single good thing that's happened to me."" My parents love me and I love them. I have a few friends, but I'm unsure how they feel about me. I know for a fact one of them is my best friend vice versa. 

The pain outweighs the good things. The pain of desperately trying to solve this impossible puzzle of communication one single piece at a time. And I can't ask for those pieces. I can't say ""What do you mean?"" ""Why should I do [thing that doesn't make sense]?"" and all that. I can't ask for clarification without getting bashed. ""You're just arguing for the sake of arguing"" or ""You're rude / annoying"" I KNOW I AM. IM TRYING TO STOP. IM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I JUST CANT UNDERSTAND IT AND I REALLY WANT TO BUT IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. I can't go on like this. I can't. I can't. I can't.",0.8074165298303199,3.0489120788177364,3.0419671592775046,89.3227646414888,84.61576354679805,6.367509578544063,20.84488232074439,7.635375032292933,0.8435155555555554,1528,48,330,28,45,520,172,406,0.19,0.6609999999999999,0.149,-0.9242,1,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,3,3,2,13,28,8,2,23,1,34,6,1,4,10,70,78,21,1,4,14,1,2,3,2,1,2,9,0,2,29,8,0,2,26,0,2,2,22,14,0,2,8,11,50,14,36,68,15,25,0,0,0,3,28,10,0,7,15,220,79,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762223801554984,0.0,0.0,0.06123706029733221,0.0,0.0,0.050047225613950905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760306107406114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723356935507203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746278330755127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200708791948217,0.07032331957571222,0.0,0.07199017839956702,0.0,0.0,0.0744238381476798,0.05257638979012744,0.0,0.0,0.06726463371564358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371886049671673,0.0,0.0384504282924405,0.0,0.04182581968632932,0.12345624006769135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507994800059838,0.0,0.0,0.14531994814110552,0.0,0.0,0.08294708266444856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589907817558592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089193940590025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078646184125316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926748838069167,0.0,0.09825066806148308,0.0,0.0,0.3206667735734036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410090313943995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099739956452856,0.11194485563951004,0.15662085666470846,0.0,0.08171870455980779,0.0,0.0,0.3061296626625919,0.0,0.07689126771128815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714693753437171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336895831418288,0.0,0.07000584067007057,0.3511549025380548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699826042405316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152884068504552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059152993751019976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668004227485554,0.04715680041092712,0.0,0.058426328358762075,0.04291392374040112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989882759894868,0.0,0.0,0.5363060255927555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340832619276516,0.058416404414541864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281635157420985,0.0,0.0,0.0709430982499113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739286362072986
suicidewatch,mea5ure,2019/02/22,I don't deserve to live anymore I had a girlfriend for 3 years. On Valentine's day she wanted to have sex. Thats now what I wanted. I couldn't confess to her I was gay so we broke up. A week later I got a call from her mother telling me she killed herself. Its all my fucking fault. I want to die.,-1.7877272727272744,0.11757598484848585,0.7506666666666675,101.436,99.75757575757576,2.64,18.72121212121212,3.1291,-0.9243587878787878,229,8,55,0,10,77,51,66,0.233,0.741,0.025,-0.9312,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,7,10,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,15,0,8,6,1,7,1,1,0,3,11,2,1,0,5,37,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28664150575817543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951333977120881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18640135634324825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999689840625421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672048924296268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311648318527983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197704450916562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25522004109992263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526262025746509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114346640708436,0.0,0.2318435727787528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612675962661335
suicidewatch,threwaway0002,2019/02/22,"balding at 17 feel like killing myself i turned 17 a month ago and im seriously considering killing myself i was depressed before but now its much worse now that im balding like my dad. also i dont want to hear any of this bullshit to shave my head and get jacked that wont help me i have nice hair but now im losing it all and i feel very depressed... not to mention i didnt have a great childhood lots of parents arguing. also i dont know if i should take propecia as im only 17 and that can stop my growth and the growth of my face/facial bones and maybe even impact the fat loss on my face when im older...

and my parents dont understand my depression which makes it worse when my mom yells at me and taunts me for my hair falling out saying its because i dont eat healthy (even though i dont drink soda and i eat fruits and vegetables almost everyday)

well today i finally admitted to her i have depression and her response made me even more severely depressed. she told me she doesnt care and i belong in a mental hospital and is now mad at me for being depressed. 

along with all this i also have no friends and my only friend moved 3 months ago... im seriously thinking about killing myself now as even my own mother wont help me with my depression and as ive said before im even fucking balding too.",2.943846153846156,4.236532102564102,4.34886446886447,87.03780219780222,74.12820512820512,7.2512820512820495,26.553113553113555,7.793537801064563,1.4255597069597068,1036,37,219,14,21,344,138,273,0.262,0.615,0.123,-0.9928,2,0,1,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,2,19,25,6,0,5,0,19,16,9,2,2,38,36,27,3,3,4,5,4,2,2,3,1,4,0,0,10,19,7,1,6,1,0,4,11,17,1,0,5,9,42,8,22,27,6,27,0,9,0,1,20,6,1,3,19,141,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058933717619645,0.0,0.06811112310677321,0.0,0.0,0.16318411734274513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625519809491755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041463702327201535,0.0,0.11575818224662195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934982220351013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100921731255896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39858833853821896,0.0666326465652611,0.0,0.13920067228453195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462927592141171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878481942354463,0.04859273006693966,0.0,0.07451140216457061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510249778836192,0.06288239553411035,0.035537078343169604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499109947127343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980703541928697,0.0,0.07666226634888751,0.0,0.09118329665016417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143047402345062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22575857154637796,0.0,0.0373814196051956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646121712573745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609577295811465,0.0,0.05782725343786273,0.0,0.06436114676992287,0.045403157301841114,0.0,0.06833414754377272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854707317894193,0.0,0.0,0.07966293707070947,0.10858410607413027,0.07229334750480644,0.05000173258617501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346290747971218,0.0,0.0,0.15105392241444374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470156913338877,0.054091375294842335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684201882862712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686686283852783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114176281055225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358377747760487,0.06682824358774837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447398295374575,0.0649949929843868,0.0,0.0,0.07398505287824092,0.0,0.07081009457702449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056122732550046295,0.040119321348663334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061157177859286364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863418107802994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Subsanic,2019/02/22,"I am having a manageable day which helps, but I know the thoughts will invade again. When I have productive days (which only really occur when I have class I have to be at if I manage to attend) my mood tends to get better. I still have thoughts of wanting to kill myself, but they aren't as suffocating and don't influence my actions as much. Though it is good to have these days it is also something that is terrifying. I have now had a rare up, the only way is now down. Deep down into the darkness that latches itself onto me pulling me closer and closer to ending it all. To be honest, the ups aren't even that great, but in comparison to the downs, I would rather be in this state forever, but by the end of the night it will come to drag me back to despair and the intense, mind-numbing desire to kill myself. I was an okay few hours. ",6.217209150326794,5.356705335294119,6.769607843137255,80.17101307189543,66.23529411764707,9.437908496732025,29.47712418300653,8.515128840125781,1.9703398692810463,657,18,135,8,9,216,103,170,0.159,0.73,0.111,-0.92,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,11,9,2,0,11,1,23,0,0,1,1,19,30,14,2,5,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,4,0,18,5,26,20,3,33,0,1,0,0,2,13,0,1,14,112,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541051684184672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981713431333756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081511015030747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663166352585764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517986603158357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220973264452896,0.0,0.0,0.12009793468173367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499940949662328,0.0,0.0,0.1525115639272328,0.0,0.20046977690395312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187776459943525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790673165767047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023390401540853,0.0,0.0999297903543508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359789479002106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366701177919685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063646533296906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765819694140836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648586047661975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998270670789886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452108028604962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786484419801167,0.28870766540873377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724887962718074,0.14432931363181906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916782018250886,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outdatedcoughsyrup,2019/02/22,"Nothing left to live for I’m only 18 and have so many years ahead of me. There were so many things I wanted to do - I had dreams, hope, ambitions... I suffered from severe anxiety but I had happy moments.
These past few months everything had changed. In the course of 6 months everything has gone to shit. I feel so hopless and numb, my health is declining, I feel shaky and faint all the time, my head feels foggy and my ears are constantly ringing and I can’t stand any type of noise.  Even hearing people type on their computer keys feels like torture. 
All I do seems pointless, hopeless and I have breakdowns constantly. I have to force myself to eat and get through the days. 
All my dreams for the future are crushed, I cant imagine feeling happy doing anythig anymore. Getting through each day feels like an impossible challenge and I can’t imagine living in this nightmare for even another week. It makes me think of these nightmares I used to have as a kid and I would be so relieved when I woke up... I’m just waiting to wake up from this nightmare, but I know this is not a dream. 
I can’t stand it. I just want to dissappear forever, ",3.1721621621621634,5.3179374324324336,3.675036036036037,88.48471621621624,75.57657657657657,6.782342342342344,28.21711711711712,7.7348632917899725,1.7122263063063057,898,38,178,13,20,281,131,222,0.13699999999999998,0.731,0.132,-0.0801,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,2,10,13,2,1,7,0,22,8,4,2,3,37,44,17,0,4,5,0,6,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,8,10,1,1,11,3,0,1,5,6,0,0,6,9,26,7,26,36,5,23,0,2,0,0,3,6,1,3,16,116,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669996486939686,0.13368807105215086,0.09753219308152693,0.0,0.12643931233257008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487123808075324,0.0,0.0,0.2755504023060527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444554497827782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045769874447294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841653377905974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22916590812261226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867873237942787,0.1821627909177486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332202031690078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714384434480839,0.0,0.0,0.13084513239072987,0.1355196488474393,0.14369446187686336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266298315596088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006710380718817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385220814510256,0.0,0.0,0.12457378688887152,0.0,0.2251582261599539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851029139460513,0.25851683476468323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035282210376347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223334700143148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696456628906257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170699009239255,0.08838795315401883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606531138974654,0.0,0.14403138689979011,0.13087026513801284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470102891995046,0.08169269902227813,0.0,0.0,0.07434249621348857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011346570507988,0.0,0.0,0.15039796151669058,0.0,0.10226761066348324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056773794064124,0.0,0.0,0.0821016462065782
suicidewatch,GlassFields,2019/02/22,"I am in panic mode with no one to talk to. Been waiting on hold with suicide hotline to no avail. I don't want to die, but my brain does. Please help. Please. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to die I just want my pain to end. If i had a gun it would be over already. Please someone help me. Anyone. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.",-3.1044519230769225,-1.5727193874999994,-0.20999999999999908,107.52884615384615,105.375,2.4615384615384617,13.653846153846152,3.1291,-1.8163269230769232,259,6,72,0,13,88,45,80,0.224,0.466,0.311,0.9391,0,0,0,1,0,6,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,10,2,1,0,0,13,17,2,5,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,2,0,11,0,13,13,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550452741451605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393382738363016,0.09824088604448968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568444968838115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832673859725783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295252091343932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444132178308695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834841369349645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520645483055756,0.0,0.14950193529129835,0.16484650989640806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626805166182941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904521739502065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536842260517836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563853526608838,0.11292860009038985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143527823671177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980718842186193,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,berfica,2019/02/22,"I want to die. This isn't new. Two weeks ago I was inpatient a week for being suicidal, and a few weeks before that I was inpatient again and again a few weeks before that(I'm really good at following the rules to get out, but not good at staying out). 

I have bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD with panic attacks, OCD, ADHD and probably something else. I'm fucked. Lately I have been massively depressed, and also having these really disturbing dissociation episodes from my PTSD(my doctor thinks). They are like kinda like psychotic episodes, with my brain screaming and hallucinations. All day long my brain yells how I'm a piece a shit and should kill myself. >< I self harmed last night(not a new thing) and was just looking up what a lethal dose of my meds would be. My Mom and I just got in a huge fight because I was trying to explain to her that she doesn't seem to get how messed up I am(she was making me clean the whole house, and then kept adding more chores). She said I was being mean and yelled at me a bunch, made me feel like shit. I've been crying in my room, planning my death ever since. If I had a physical illness she would treat me differently...

Then on top of it all... in a few weeks is the anniversary of my husbands suicide. The doctors think that's why things are especially bad. I can't help but wonder if I kill myself, if I will get to see him and be with him again. 

His family is so kind to me. Way different than my own. They help a lot. I don't want to hurt them, but it just gets so hard to keep on going.

I hate myself so much. I just want to die. I go through all the options... >< Uhg... why can't I be ""normal""... fuck mental illness. 

Long post, sorry. ",2.6283713054187166,4.447454133928575,3.60838259441708,89.82857142857145,76.11309523809524,6.777339901477832,22.59811165845649,7.6298220110432995,0.8215292692939241,1303,37,278,18,29,418,188,336,0.277,0.613,0.111,-0.9977,2,0,1,0,1,5,70.0,0,0,3,2,14,24,9,2,17,0,30,12,4,4,4,54,60,25,8,10,11,2,2,3,0,4,6,4,3,1,10,16,0,2,7,0,0,3,6,17,0,1,13,8,46,7,32,38,13,40,0,2,2,2,18,15,4,8,22,183,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274112062602213,0.0,0.07578080768157787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836549290683397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725603711662743,0.0,0.0,0.0713797133142929,0.05211327842747431,0.0,0.14548962208131094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086791144016388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939056117157509,0.05513330887571336,0.0,0.07363151865206076,0.0,0.17744809346772886,0.17863554208786372,0.0,0.17500315242608247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141505896806975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732966146180187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059138609025067,0.0,0.04322578840060681,0.061073332321996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806633767510125,0.1786578191770997,0.0,0.09717069565026566,0.14340817250814986,0.06837333335854942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658131919629912,0.0844026522291153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460289987533545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986427854524977,0.09151770312611893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598651838617204,0.189161742858758,0.08902359967527512,0.0,0.06968491498852629,0.09643527401686072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529676747281934,0.0,0.0,0.15131008433002874,0.07178919806064173,0.0,0.0,0.07267965931557595,0.0,0.08089172392432863,0.05706454670366025,0.0,0.0,0.0931225427670406,0.09495896589980653,0.0,0.08615276758870541,0.0,0.0,0.10012364036273552,0.0,0.0,0.06284422436657312,0.0,0.0,0.16513154655986825,0.0,0.0802256006906038,0.08376103281502405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030287857480837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187479532021845,0.0,0.09217156134705673,0.0,0.1998640460959125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953283766706212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131958068613543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812363529940374,0.0778259412676947,0.08918363296607687,0.0,0.17550638423080805,0.07071735369703594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581358040922798,0.0,0.09569789510885936,0.0,0.09111985999888644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870221004281188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135901368480664,0.10955575132621304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058041394303743415,0.0,0.08351029491905593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512708161417081,0.06785715972714802,0.34287044793069993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428098448497926,0.0954453743171696,0.0,0.0,0.09270913376975108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145781317981268,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oldboyahoy166,2019/02/22,"I'm not suicidal, but I don't want to say I'm suicidal because I'm not. Although suicidal thoughts have occurred many times. I'm morose and hapless. Someone said all I do is complain. Why wouldn't I in this situation? I'm constantly monitored and harassed. I'm stuck in a situation where I shouldn't be. I can't be at home with my grandma. I have to share a room with someone who hates me. I just wanna go home and drink and do whatever the fuck I want, but I'm under probation and I'm watched 24/7 by who the hell knows? Everyone? Fuck...",1.0673809523809543,3.2885662142857166,3.4321428571428565,87.07952380952383,83.28571428571429,7.3047619047619055,28.083333333333336,8.344100000000001,2.217408333333333,424,21,90,10,12,146,64,112,0.257,0.623,0.12,-0.9512,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,4,0,11,3,0,0,1,20,29,8,3,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,7,1,0,2,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,3,3,10,1,10,22,1,9,1,0,1,2,6,6,3,0,2,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036498230530233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779208365491282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128768098671742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732365791493208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044200185160822,0.0,0.0,0.09357053944615444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255109931885925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303011593994113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048361112609192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692238921966132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661341068758672,0.13093090147849135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701317682365765,0.0,0.0,0.2790033419235625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402788991569015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070833048549652,0.09600478900962024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942216807116989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856490269969394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,magyarembervagyok,2019/02/22,"Easiest way to die? (17) Please give some tipps to find the best way of suicide. No friends, no life, social problems. ",1.504848484848484,4.218502818181818,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,89.0,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,0.9134060606060612,90,4,18,1,3,27,19,22,0.379,0.318,0.303,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30413818830991673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007774928394332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26488150174121783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390683544051604,0.0,0.0,0.27801259229421443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047016921666394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181248466162809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773094617315503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954252579769166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31700559511823884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600760926777347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BenzTruckPt3,2019/02/22,"I’m just pissed I’m fucking done I hate this shit I feel disgusting. hotlines don’t help, my family doesn’t understand (instead they fucking laugh at me) I’m just so fucking finished with whatever life has to offer. I’m done. Let’s see who will be laughing and making a fucking joke once they see my corpse lying in my room.",1.7674675324675349,4.1351118939393965,3.2841125541125566,88.31045454545458,81.57575757575758,6.195670995670996,26.095238095238088,7.447530270364453,1.5090329004329008,259,11,51,4,7,85,48,66,0.282,0.5660000000000001,0.151,-0.9126,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,4,11,8,0,1,0,8,7,2,1,0,7,22,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,3,8,3,4,17,0,4,0,0,2,4,5,3,6,0,1,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851842296743693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741652776779185,0.0,0.0951586721622187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6959448682488976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858067743879344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614529637964367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192445425524342,0.13292996484553152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562376980920478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042495671189334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29993922229367626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318276308363871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959209788468044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sash321,2019/02/22,"I might commit suicide next week Hello, I had a look at the rules for posting but sorry if I still manage to break some.

I have finally decided to end my life. I've been struggling with, I guess, dark thoughts for the majority of my life since I was 12/13 - I'm 21 now. Although I had a few moments through my life where the thoughts were in the background mostly, it has always been there. I have seen three or four counsellors over the years, however none of them have really diagnosed me or said anything about anxiety, depression or anything else. I would love to say that counselling helped but it didn't.

Earlier in 2018 I had a severe bought of anxiety which caused me to take a year out from university to focus on getting better. Unfortunately, things haven't been getting better, not for lack of trying. Panic attacks come often and are very severe, to the point where I don't really have any hobbies or leave the house. I have gained a lot of weight because I can't stop binge eating, which is also not helped by the fact that I go through times of eating very little, or nothing at all for days on end.

I have also been feeling really detached from myself, as if I am watching my own life and interactions from inside a glass box. When I'm talking to my oldest and closest friends and family I don't really feel anything for them, like I used to. I binge eat and drink to feel something but ultimately nothing.

I don't know fully what the point of this post is. To be honest, out of all the attempts or thoughts of attempting I've had throughout my life this one feels like its going to be the closest to actually succeeding. And honestly it makes me really relieved when I think about everything finally being over. I think the reason I am posting this is because I really want to tell someone - and I can't tell anyone I know, that would be traumatic. So...yeah. Thanks for allowing me to get this out.",5.248948787061991,6.247853592991916,5.909729380053912,79.12442156334234,68.32614555256065,9.062684636118599,30.47342318059299,9.281916038205594,2.64325608625337,1517,58,284,29,25,494,192,371,0.11,0.7440000000000001,0.146,0.9452,1,0,2,0,0,3,40.0,0,0,2,6,12,15,1,2,18,0,37,12,0,5,4,57,67,24,1,6,13,0,5,2,1,3,6,2,0,0,15,12,5,1,13,1,1,3,10,4,0,3,17,10,39,11,50,43,10,42,0,1,3,1,13,18,0,14,19,202,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.07989638165815915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094785301989245,0.0681250174766315,0.0,0.0,0.05567654787889709,0.0,0.1252654675470169,0.0,0.0,0.057247608407357,0.0,0.20212387315010766,0.0,0.0,0.09314252492116727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981822164590118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482029130151627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410627552280568,0.0,0.07052646706411628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280140696854069,0.0,0.0705172220086319,0.08309952133962709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020451515904377,0.0,0.2513300087696302,0.06839450903909843,0.0,0.14503061497034714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358230580035245,0.0,0.07718271697972809,0.0,0.1655900936416949,0.058490192963535526,0.0,0.1793760624103913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325499069636878,0.0,0.12832602120454453,0.0,0.09306079303188744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019250247855856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975568997198544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447061976507183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999068144336847,0.0,0.0,0.08669184169845515,0.0,0.0,0.2891471269302014,0.0799981686338834,0.08205840268540003,0.0,0.0,0.06875282365675119,0.0,0.0,0.06960562222934351,0.07389371219838739,0.0,0.054650961740164136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685447123658725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870730212422726,0.0,0.0,0.15711898639644747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547936366864833,0.0,0.0,0.0960604980862588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479317633566134,0.0,0.2352355305527392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147002087856904,0.08417923162736643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788011207524613,0.06510881307347796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498670491666372,0.0,0.06772631370108596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937085222452635,0.06302994893845759,0.0,0.09165028562073987,0.0,0.0,0.06538400138745888,0.06844961738256743,0.0,0.08559159037779795,0.0,0.08955593486215023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155841771318193,0.0658065346951161,0.14312147931475394,0.07537779425303923,0.0,0.0,0.054392881233081815,0.10492201410512147,0.0,0.19499440148874084,0.04774089073856179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558649288694343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071211222144548,0.0,0.13510784234477327,0.04829090368079405,0.0,0.06567370044662672,0.09969943695264513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632066991795068,0.0,0.0,0.10544724540183358
suicidewatch,3ntr0py_M0nst3r,2019/02/22,"I don’t know what to say First : Sorry for English and  typing on mobile.  
I’m not even sure why I post here, I don’t really want help but maybe somewhere in my brain remain a spark of self-preservation. 
I want peace, I crave serenity, I want the pain to end and for that I only see one way and it’s an IV of potassium...
I know i sound like a coward. By all standard I should be happy, i have everything that a 27yo could ask, from well paid job to loving wife, everything I work so hard to gain don’t mean anything for me right now and I can’t find pleasure in any of things that once meant the world to me.

. Even if I know I should work on my problems, i don’t feel like I could ever get my head out of water, i’m so tired of making useless efforts... 
I feel like each day is only procrastinating with death and now I’m so tired. 
I can’t even write what I feel, I can’t put word on it... I want to ask for support but this urge of dying is so strong it doesn’t let me.  I’m just so tired of life...",0.1940117416829743,1.847567840182652,2.3246314416177443,96.9705479452055,82.9269406392694,5.44996738421396,17.277886497064582,6.42735559955562,-0.4614798434442266,763,15,190,7,21,257,120,219,0.16399999999999998,0.604,0.232,0.9432,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,6,14,13,0,0,6,0,17,10,2,1,3,38,41,13,2,10,5,1,4,3,0,2,6,2,0,0,10,8,1,0,9,0,1,1,9,3,1,2,2,7,28,10,26,33,2,17,0,1,1,1,7,8,0,1,9,114,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788987966754632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425515025251448,0.0,0.21415544493153654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278624718349991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289880889306748,0.0,0.0,0.07386764071656099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188725317000424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144681718343594,0.0,0.0,0.2269541326199525,0.10360632739222232,0.0,0.0,0.20587903391267448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737418126561591,0.16365217547505728,0.0,0.0,0.10468580748924862,0.097426104370114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984146366005485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192800613682885,0.1026036979704006,0.0,0.1175492012292094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677251742817477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366145492217206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884153963902284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712303358957622,0.0809016930137166,0.167872685158314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337516549768366,0.0,0.07645511433136983,0.0,0.11506898140284146,0.1247656393566917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197940726934675,0.07761402466227511,0.17422287106224155,0.12187668276702215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969590049618827,0.0,0.0,0.10959755488753656,0.0,0.11514249116285333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337608121521673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781496681599576,0.0,0.0910853457836622,0.0,0.0,0.09127208794861724,0.0,0.11948828561308755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821609798838507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997655194708055,0.1079508647131111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609406716865949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949343131858109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702303084534291,0.0909150638150667,0.0,0.0,0.10298356553336116,0.0,0.10335287835729698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677029606881835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hesthegroove,2019/02/22,"I began cutting myself for the first time The past week has been too much for me emotionally. I've never been in this state of depression before. I hate myself so fucking much.  I literally can't talk to anyone about this without being called ""over-dramatic"" or "" a pussy"".  The shitty past week, combined with family issues, was the last straw for me. I cut my left arm twice now as a result of the amount of self-hatred I have for myself. I wish I could go back in time and fix the mistakes I made and regain the dignity I had for myself. Fuck my life. I'm the dumbest fucking idiot alive.",3.5879487179487164,5.040614290598288,4.910769230769231,83.0092307692308,72.76068376068376,7.2512820512820495,23.256410256410252,7.793537801064563,1.133728205128206,460,12,89,6,9,153,79,117,0.22,0.713,0.066,-0.9596,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,7,0,10,0,9,5,1,2,1,11,18,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,2,6,0,17,0,15,10,3,17,0,1,0,3,2,3,3,1,12,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862593957024135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045336383791362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436295874571115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323558287820942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545482063047906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612264074218054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083778346980496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993458198557034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443075061237354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705268429137159,0.0,0.0,0.09641821132514526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749808580808145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707457628102033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829055796247436,0.0,0.0,0.18432944016722427,0.0,0.1198315547509334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605306060556108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24943024910924466,0.0,0.13084753331963256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239076559227161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698599999770367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363613646970556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785308687425707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721722229896503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950935926561386,0.16354028899895526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jdm7839,2019/02/22,"If things don't get better within a week, I'm ending it. I've been in this rut for what seems like forever now. I'm 21 years old and literally living in my abusive moms basement still, with no car, job, money, or friends whatsoever. I just don't have the motivation to go about fixing anything and I'm so tired of every day being the exact same as the last. Every time that I start to feel okay I get reminded about how shitty my life is and I fall all the way back down to ""level 1"" so to speak. People tell me all the time that I'm still ""so young!"" and have all the time in the world when in reality I've been struggling with these thoughts of suicide and feeling depressed since my childhood. I won't even get into the story of my life here because it's way too complicated and nobody cares anyways.

​

But yeah, if a miracle doesn't happen within 7 days then I'm going to jump off a building, because I know that I don't want to stick around for longer than one more week if my life will just keep being this shitty.  I've already written my suicide note in an email and delayed it to send to people that I care about on the 1st of March unless I cancel it, which I doubt I will because I don't think anything good is going to happen within this week. That's all I gotta say though, thanks for reading.",6.2238445378151255,5.071636132352944,6.737142857142861,81.36500000000002,66.35294117647061,8.947899159663868,30.457983193277308,7.447530270364453,1.7643027310924366,1036,30,217,8,14,340,153,272,0.166,0.7490000000000001,0.085,-0.9723,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,2,20,11,0,2,13,2,16,4,0,2,5,37,43,21,2,4,8,1,2,1,1,4,4,2,0,0,16,11,0,2,7,1,1,7,7,3,0,1,4,4,20,8,37,33,6,47,0,1,0,0,7,15,0,6,24,139,36,3,0.0,0.1332193995292296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240769698793159,0.0,0.0,0.12182538798844557,0.13662320068272735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850520586537685,0.10009272322118017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645707397515164,0.0,0.2056215627447532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944134488859273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22927392743060515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450250617167934,0.0,0.09684177999264124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958576435013697,0.0,0.0,0.07426354483687256,0.0,0.18946595892050916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370300020785655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686850840074886,0.0,0.17623099661101665,0.0,0.19170152881869626,0.09430677884566692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885524652345604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157632323847118,0.09993912702973308,0.0,0.0,0.0617924070566746,0.0916511207383049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382526281161608,0.0549310141975561,0.0,0.09928388649629992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168479653242895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798366474468923,0.0,0.07619018698543326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589924753359372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246737670232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941437526384602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023583761402614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300900665585388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958345168404939,0.0,0.17958458648946107,0.0,0.0,0.1175435124709302,0.0,0.245975547360446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982748498680518,0.10351683687269833,0.0,0.0,0.07469811327643035,0.07204505734151867,0.11046873217417354,0.08926237870638126,0.19668866863433407,0.12922973349865088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631822605446416,0.17849443427276282,0.2705704167916457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662320068272735,0.07240570919529714
suicidewatch,pan1cm0d3,2019/02/22,"I think I've come to terms with wanting to die. I used to say I would never actually try. I think I've come to terms with it though. I've written a letter that partitions my items and I know a notary so I can make it official. I just cant figure out how I want to do it. I dont want to risk anyone else getting physically hurt in the process. And I know itll be hard on my family and friends at first but they'll be okay without me. 

""Mom would be sad"" has never stopped me from thinking about it. She has 4 other kids. And honestly she probably wouldn't even notice at first cause it's not like anyone actually cares enough to check in periodically. My dad doesnt care, he doesnt even like his kids anyway. My siblings would be fine. None of them care about me either. My fiancee would probably move on pretty quick. Hes the ""life goes on"" type. 

I have 1 friend. She might be sad a while but she has a real future ahead of her so she'll be okay too. 

I really cant think of a reason to stick around. I believe in reincarnation anyway so I'll be back and I'll do better next time. 

Even typing this isnt hard. ",0.1638025737602007,2.3155301228813587,2.468888888888891,92.93009730069052,86.75423728813558,5.530194601381044,17.639045825486505,6.937597516519254,-0.01901424984306344,863,21,198,12,27,293,129,236,0.117,0.736,0.147,0.7304,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,4,17,16,0,1,7,2,30,1,0,5,2,42,48,13,1,8,6,2,2,2,3,9,1,1,0,2,9,11,0,1,8,0,1,3,12,4,0,2,1,3,31,12,28,31,6,28,0,3,0,0,20,10,0,1,17,132,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.21156062459175212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158808871800336,0.11106603683865003,0.0,0.09649674640869928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335097771476133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212684984504288,0.0,0.09586876979108927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33155539166181897,0.11135408019991136,0.0,0.1867496764268092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249947935512383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704104927436904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055219241884303,0.0,0.0,0.11200358214391094,0.0,0.21478655659210866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218750507240386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844056967658891,0.0,0.0,0.1674952615191758,0.0,0.056633213824302975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942057166025064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116041753419431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914484973207913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656435185512188,0.1059150750705638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235616532521873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499260543498145,0.0,0.12695382848952255,0.0,0.11520937562109035,0.0,0.0,0.16720565132083615,0.0,0.11528195881211653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341125916414028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027921545257248,0.23374165278994144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338007319650487,0.06944220683934688,0.11145067180223628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620203364895412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906251541432826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782693504790645,0.1064999821330274,0.0,0.06320744728109529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359477932518986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362062659969876,0.0,0.0,0.19180694168079904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449131078562424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080098631507874,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crzyskater32441,2019/02/22,"I hate myself I'm 14 years old. I hate myself. I can never be a normal woman.  No one would ever date a girl like me. For starters I have had some weird behaviors. Like one and this I'm really ashamed of but  more than once, many times, I peed in the bathtub bathing..........and I also miss being young ig so at home when with my parents I refer to myself often with their nickname for me. I just miss being young and cared for. I also have a childish sense of humor. Like when me and my brother were young we made up a joke character thing and now and then we still joke and play around. Ik the answer is stop but this seems deeper rooted. Like if this is what I am. Even if I were to say like I used to urinate in the tub but stopped bcz it was weird nothing changed inside of me. And yes I know that nobody would know but ya like I said if this roots from who I am inside....like most would never do this.....then I'd have to trick someone into thinking I'm different. I want to die sometimes",0.3855072463768111,2.5279842657004856,2.0001932367149777,96.75217391304348,85.57004830917873,4.372946859903382,17.695652173913047,5.511479884284512,-0.5697652173913039,761,18,171,4,23,247,121,207,0.135,0.6990000000000001,0.166,0.8706,2,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,2,1,1,0,12,19,3,1,7,1,19,1,1,4,3,44,35,20,1,8,8,2,0,6,0,3,0,2,1,2,9,13,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,8,0,2,6,2,29,11,21,23,3,24,0,2,0,0,11,6,0,7,24,119,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255707363299564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555075017344072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379423727194746,0.0,0.1491959717587038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637171254806136,0.14735120398522114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931520640536966,0.12757392607302645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848506025500497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414692651465985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501792360758662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134144712029412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345040716283907,0.0,0.14298701089852772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754925153287052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818402416545675,0.13532656181647784,0.0,0.14799215307764715,0.15019731204736647,0.19113747381491372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566023017101656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035041581042626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341562600770866,0.11215642385769277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839265929998853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949821135094052,0.0,0.13948688686355398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263046317321057,0.23582258492079244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369716255668784,0.09036931661383936,0.0,0.0,0.08223844552311564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180866546024922,0.0,0.0,0.08318589766921143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005609319894693,0.0,0.0,0.09082169825893928
suicidewatch,tralalally,2019/02/22,"I dont really see any other future I have no passion, nothing I'd really want to do. At most, maybe art. But that's fucking art. I'll get a degree in it and then end up working behind a till at best (no offense to retail workers, but I'd rather not). And even then, it's only on my best of days that j can force myself to do any art. I'm not bad, bit as this rate I'm certainly not going to get good fast enough. 
I'm shit at school. I can't focus at all, I hate the subjects I do. School doesn't cause my depression, but it makes it worse. The first and last thing on my mind everyday is how much I hate myself and want to die. I'm so useless. I really want to drop out. Spend the next few months working on my mental health, passing GCSE maths (I've failed so many times), and then in September maybe going to college or redoing my a levels but with different subjects. But, my parents won't let me. They just say I'm being foolish and should grow up - that doing that is a waste of time. I don't understand how they can't see that whether I drop out or not these two years have been for nothing? If I drop out, I'm a few years behind, sure, but I have a better chance. If I stay in, I'll still be fucking behind because I'm so worthless I'll be able to do fuck all for my exams. So what's the point? 
At this point, I do t even want to get better. I've been feeling like this since j was 9, with it just getting worse, and ebeytime I feel just a little bit better I miss the comfort of sadness and nothingness. I hate having the f fear that it won't last. I've already tried to kill myself, so I can't od cause it's all locked away. I could jump in front of a train, bit I won't because if the driver. I wish I had rope and new how to tie a noose. 
I can't remember anything or organise anything properly to help with school. I wish I'd never been born. My mum once said she wishes she'd never had children, so that she couldn't bring them into the world and how bad it is. I'm lucky. The world ain't bad for me, I'm just pathetic and make it that way. I still wish she'd decided to at least never havr me. 
I can't do anything right, probably couldn't even kill myself properly, like before ",1.964569590643276,2.9261970821052654,3.765517543859648,91.56642836257308,76.07368421052631,6.7935672514619885,22.66812865497076,7.1686216300943375,0.5669637426900587,1694,45,396,18,36,572,207,475,0.198,0.653,0.15,-0.9843,2,0,0,0,0,3,59.0,0,0,3,10,20,33,10,1,18,0,43,6,1,8,8,76,82,39,4,16,22,2,2,2,0,4,1,2,0,1,24,18,0,0,5,3,2,7,24,20,0,2,7,6,47,13,48,62,14,64,0,6,2,4,13,27,4,8,27,248,71,10,0.07268685088056777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021174741975415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885910227421968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944525486090288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829168910710877,0.0,0.1820714530604535,0.08861845928367168,0.0,0.06185115645982925,0.0,0.15256073115365149,0.19285683830873795,0.2380656462967607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933883673783285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803453584524682,0.0,0.0,0.04687700558482491,0.0,0.06260507815434707,0.0,0.07543747544025517,0.07594228856260231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518844788860767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437897527982721,0.07510494737962589,0.0,0.14402693844179293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179291538807512,0.07350531160143389,0.05192750079259716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061827398226915964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159346713632206,0.15190351818384634,0.0,0.08261922484912508,0.060966281914338415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528965051802795,0.0,0.0772627234956603,0.0,0.0,0.04872046397218637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083446209286634,0.0,0.0,0.11849896970483365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432722971019794,0.0,0.07102224757117984,0.07285132010321545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703807477085233,0.07369305814052968,0.14604742297263507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325124955783115,0.0,0.07339299869738447,0.0,0.05801795089986145,0.0,0.05343319885347116,0.0,0.16818174120393775,0.0702014135208891,0.0773032905258282,0.0,0.0,0.13948998759022754,0.0,0.0,0.07740912394562004,0.0,0.05528162548961638,0.0,0.0,0.08071014599401513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742513709725354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836871909444426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969517378184448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234003259293085,0.06207417349779909,0.0691418403087868,0.05780350125679805,0.0,0.22068892097069534,0.1158440187070091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461200789078855,0.0601273141735972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747451174543707,0.11609562601330885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685064967413891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048289913919473036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476857456125961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934960045770336,0.0,0.0710044914977962,0.07566957520614756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149035160290835,0.057695438934576675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343451652287089,0.0,0.0,0.10583378627453832,0.0,0.14814822171739406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361589767013684
suicidewatch,riditdudu,2019/02/22,"Help, i really want to murder somebody My mind has been so much rotten that i want to kill myself and everybody that made me fuck my brain up . I have murdered anyone, but day by day my mind is one step closer to the boundary where the biggest mistake one can do. Kill someone. That one guy i really hate due to some reasons. I just keep on fantasizing of killing, murdering that guy or at least sending him to the hospital. I've give up on life so much. Not only that i once thought of harming myself but the situation is so worse that i want to kill someone. 
What can i do to get this shit to stop attacking me in my mind.?",3.6867366579177614,4.649604795275593,4.965301837270341,84.59726159230097,71.91338582677166,8.164129483814524,28.284339457567807,8.515128840125781,1.9152439195100608,487,18,102,8,9,162,77,127,0.401,0.563,0.036000000000000004,-0.9972,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,14,11,0,4,0,9,4,2,2,0,19,19,7,7,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,14,0,3,3,1,17,0,17,16,4,15,0,0,0,1,6,9,2,2,4,72,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711489492178941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173694756853594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390815210981146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069803255557252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517968899216048,0.06509213900790406,0.11951625616825907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24672360941651544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300495319686673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350877586834929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073962595762753,0.5513530845883267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800025810763724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178882707182696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773953886415067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317317460403565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268225822788612,0.2532723586598387,0.09475486266481116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596286516469128,0.12809731483686898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278878921924142,0.0,0.1400422421607438,0.0,0.0,0.21112618222136828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041612285929614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989090331666784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045586445616452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696591569566276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnlicensedApothecary,2019/02/22,"I’m a fuckup I can’t do anything right at uni. I can’t study shit properly and I just annoy people. I really wish I had a method or something because my life hasn’t gotten better at all and it’s been years of dealing with this shit. I can barely even get out of bed, especially on school days. ",1.09,2.940813476190481,3.4891269841269827,88.74892857142858,80.90476190476191,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.4420285714285712,231,6,50,3,6,80,49,63,0.166,0.738,0.097,-0.6378,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,2,0,7,3,2,0,1,8,11,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,1,7,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,2,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227213275206967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465256181992066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388845600845361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419438618947644,0.27846480640337706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840078750493235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111790940963492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078206125858133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872557295272707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303519246429935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066687847844464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733591210139989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545146390966444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793883908113048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31060564825885495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393777214201336
suicidewatch,zeus5552,2019/02/22,"I wish I could live my life in a loop I am a 19 year old boy living in a third world country in asia. I don't realise how this transition happened, but I remember that I was actually happy somewhere in my early Teenage years. But now I am so depressed and I can't shake the feeling that suicide is the only option for me.
My parents have heart disease , my grandpa had brain hemorrhage so I  live in dread of being a orphan at all times. I have mental illness party genetic as my father was depressed all his life. I wish I  could go back in time and live the normal part of my  life with more gratitude than before. I am very weak person emotionally and I am right now having a emotional breakdown because I just found out just my seemingly naive looking 14 year old sister is a school slut. The only thing that is going through my mind is ""WHY Me!!"" , Why other people get to laugh and enjoy their life and people like me are destined to suffer like this. In any circumstances I  am unable to see happiness in my life.(sorry about the broken english)",4.835735090152569,5.793442878640777,5.786435506241332,79.78446601941748,69.24271844660194,8.215811373092926,29.7628294036061,8.418075326091056,2.235519833564493,827,31,153,12,14,273,126,206,0.195,0.633,0.172,-0.873,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,0,2,11,0,21,9,2,1,2,25,32,11,1,5,4,4,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,7,0,1,4,3,30,6,21,25,4,26,0,3,2,1,8,12,0,2,13,110,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.1041503259146476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257813792118628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206660867114267,0.0,0.06505989445880916,0.0,0.09081696395895766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191428226028058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042592740058746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183847916573192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010741057078164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396446579648806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702083716649475,0.0,0.0,0.05576054323697656,0.0,0.1213110246420884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437848719778773,0.22722612189478505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264722146612918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769227952764127,0.10428301210738287,0.0,0.3769681987055797,0.0,0.08962394595089496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075558885525894,0.0,0.10776402090184288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456996986459648,0.0,0.0,0.2239844306313796,0.0,0.0,0.16234164976183685,0.0,0.0,0.11850789604267516,0.11557512858926874,0.0,0.14798236802626652,0.09319005138304408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090108254044185,0.0911444231603502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801359763824768,0.08504773939520538,0.09716041050996864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947233303269132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674220546546342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709047918102267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446694647952232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806109564534928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926093477608216,0.0,0.24546196513033824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618640195230767
suicidewatch,throwaway099190,2019/02/22,"I'm useless. I suffer from general anxiety disorder and recurrent depression disorder. I'm unable to work. I am fearful of joining a job. I'm unable to focus. I scammed my parents out of a substantial amount of money and went crazy shopping. I do not have access to firearms. I have looked into benzos. I gulped 30 tablets of clonazepam but nothing significant happened. I just fell asleep.

I am not able to focus; it's very hard to work. ",2.090679079956189,4.930859469879522,3.986462212486313,79.92094194961669,86.83132530120481,6.873603504928808,30.437020810514788,8.00094639256281,2.935636144578313,348,19,58,8,11,117,55,83,0.245,0.737,0.018000000000000002,-0.9166,3,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,9,11,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,4,0,0,1,2,9,0,12,10,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,35,10,3,0.2361255227466134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063537859718232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033745667435403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412406120470782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657068598928948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208805019948316,0.0,0.2115220886016617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23431814656014766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828596937461904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22656880741594065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262189449438471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482828533120128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188907252264933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34380438560187515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fireykingeyboye,2019/02/22,"I just wann be held so bad I'm so lonely, and I don't even have a fucking reason to be. My parents and brother and friends love me a lot, but no one will just touch me and hug me and rock me and tell me it will all be ok and that I am safe. I need someone",1.0971311475409848,0.8625094918032801,3.3181557377049167,98.43493852459018,77.03278688524591,6.1000000000000005,23.44672131147541,3.1291,-0.21044590163934407,193,5,55,0,4,67,41,61,0.11,0.6629999999999999,0.228,0.8405,1,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,2,1,8,3,0,1,1,16,13,10,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,10,5,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798274624236554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213564621326616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589279266505445,0.3098310438112075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28492359652025984,0.30247646045640564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850167380609345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270991814000742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721327253512241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445791971883284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839625891765257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292667258470884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeanbagRL,2019/02/22,IB anyone else is taking the IB and thinking about killing themselves before an exam to give your classmates their predicted score?,12.905909090909093,11.986308681818185,9.61727272727273,65.29590909090909,53.09090909090909,10.618181818181819,44.72727272727273,8.841846274778883,4.549763636363638,109,5,14,1,1,31,21,22,0.173,0.8270000000000001,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835533384631709,0.4155095008033102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34507291618566305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387650927281983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890176699123004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486546415149363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049052237934177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598448057959724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meanhokie,2019/02/22,"I'm ready I've cleaned my house, odd I know. I just didn't want anyone to have to clean it after I'm dead. I've written each of my children a note. I wanted them to know that I'm leaving because I think they and everyone else would be better off without me. I had ambition and I was working full time and going to school and raising a family. Then I got a brain tumor and it fucked my whole life up. After 10 years of seizures and pain and suffering I was finally able to have the tumor removed. Now I'm alive but I'm poor, living on disability, and I have a brain injury. I feel dead inside all the time. Now I can barely afford to feed my kids, I'm miserable and this universe just keeps making it harder to stay alive. So I've decided to kill myself today. My kids will get my disability money and even though it's sad but true, they'll get more opportunities with me dead than alive. They have a great dad, I'm grateful. ",1.648520437535982,3.5577492953367917,3.5709412780656287,88.55816206102476,79.36269430051814,6.361427748992517,21.603051237766266,7.3871296695380915,0.7054239493379386,726,21,155,10,18,245,113,193,0.229,0.629,0.142,-0.9653,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,4,3,7,10,2,1,7,0,13,6,2,1,2,29,34,15,4,3,5,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,6,12,1,1,5,0,2,2,2,6,0,0,6,1,24,4,18,24,5,17,0,3,0,1,8,4,1,0,10,92,30,2,0.1678687206312603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173777126075433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233121399568323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846624169146555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747940194872737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402327756436656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087570676933696,0.0,0.0,0.16040575641914956,0.0,0.0,0.15825168987760924,0.0,0.08487946904185965,0.0,0.0,0.1838919780933056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519192722307346,0.17540895600779732,0.0,0.09540366247093028,0.0,0.13425995098829185,0.18507585712460847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369796512261056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920943199886774,0.1857218675583343,0.0,0.1845125174252559,0.0,0.0,0.17774873681871065,0.0,0.0,0.11857064184972453,0.0,0.0,0.14823115581493518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120536745433448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862415437648455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989210736210378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892572054892794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756349793865684,0.16493016570416508,0.0,0.19577120192915826,0.0,0.15911991878413334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802664151379146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741943164717784,0.0,0.16181945627926958,0.0,0.12221042792637082,0.0,0.0,0.11924912274755825,0.0,0.0,0.10810195229433288
suicidewatch,TheJayboi88,2019/02/22,"I want to kill myself My life is fucked my pregnant wife has cheated on me I have had to move back to my mum's house. I miss my wife so much and I am lost, I just can't move on, I have to kill myself. I'm just trying to get confident enough to do it. I've had enough.",-2.753333333333334,-1.0813717301587251,0.2511111111111113,105.73000000000002,99.63492063492063,3.4349206349206347,11.761904761904766,5.033348758259628,-1.738409523809524,203,3,57,1,9,70,39,63,0.298,0.638,0.064,-0.9552,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,4,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,4,15,2,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,0,13,0,8,12,3,5,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729142132797013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647098767623189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789237490902968,0.11748737546237785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594743857166234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497579491538165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883514542090396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454765178834394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780109146683327,0.16530825278861105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267467421986522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263650222084614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gucci_Goosey,2019/02/22,"Friend (f14) committed suicide I (f 15) don’t normally post stuff but Ive been spiralling out of control lately. Two weeks ago my best friend (f14) committed suicide, Ive known her for almost 6 years. We were in elementary together, and one year in junior high, sadly I had to move to another town but we stayed in touch. Obviously with us being busy we never got to talk as much as we did before. I was in school when I opened up a friends snapchat story, and there it was a desk in my friends honour, I immediately knew something was wrong. I contacted that person and she told me what I already knew “SoandSo killed herself two nights ago”. My heart sank, and I left school, I told my mom what happened but she brushed it off saying “stupid girl, killing herself”. And that hurt a lot, none of my family was there for me, I just had to hide it. I went to her funeral, everyone was there it was packed, people were forced to stand there weren’t enough seats. I wish she could have seen how many people cared for her, and that wanted to be there for her.  I can’t help but blame myself, I know I didn’t make her kill herself but I could have prevented it.  Ive been told I need to grieve properly or this is going to harm me when Im older, but I just dont know how to grieve. It still doesn’t feel real, I feel numb, but yet at night I cant help but break down, Ive never been this hurt. I want to talk to people about it, I just  dont know how to talk to someone about it, I just wish there was a reset button",2.4272115384615347,3.8213245801282056,3.5733538461538465,91.67164615384615,75.63461538461539,6.7868717948717965,22.095384615384614,7.404127859558343,0.5601175384615384,1167,30,264,14,25,378,159,312,0.211,0.654,0.135,-0.9877,1,0,1,0,0,2,39.0,5,0,0,3,19,19,4,0,4,0,34,2,1,5,5,56,56,22,8,8,13,1,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,16,13,0,2,8,0,0,3,11,12,0,3,25,6,52,7,35,27,5,36,0,5,1,0,33,14,0,3,15,179,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587445949075477,0.0,0.08966192948290867,0.0,0.09881022653735236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389107675328533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761924154252727,0.0,0.09396728590832276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129256110365083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042734370787612,0.14298169079524867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988172194253296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251932669938474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555983533809497,0.0,0.0,0.08441086423683414,0.0,0.09054878773589273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767152357891613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050887959596252384,0.0,0.07161375972718882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918041509328999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061059861413364,0.12003429016211813,0.09460451010822804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171002730229106,0.0,0.0967191622166006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29719006527643943,0.0,0.14762743832712236,0.0,0.10100564362503088,0.0,0.0972860725656632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612417595592888,0.0,0.0,0.05976901426096525,0.09078006655297892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486881320159944,0.0,0.09516743712914606,0.06582260894651215,0.06639318530718034,0.13811838857670736,0.0,0.0,0.16805548624339248,0.08773073044516505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067499587777171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622843522992674,0.07818335692974973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575509824901248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191675196240152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120624144923852,0.0,0.1812396394697993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586741978331697,0.06893269207011889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543831549232776,0.07150720109823751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250251052043333,0.19588566339889832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590791371745505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25667950601428496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493621859031822,0.0,0.10770626013258536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562667586693453,0.0,0.07182403042104274,0.0,0.0,0.08300498947676188,0.0,0.0,0.2059344334255279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789853813140167,0.0,0.11532236054996756
suicidewatch,UniqueOrchid,2019/02/22,"Grave Concerns -- What should I do? I have grave concerns about a reddit user and am concerned they may be eminently suicidal. While they continue to make digs on my page, I notice this user is also planning their suicide in other reddit and online communities. They claim to have a popular drug for their preferred method. They are active in incel communities that support suicidal behavior and fuel all kinds of madness for themselves and others.

People would like to help, and although I've reported it to authorities per reddit's guidelines, it appears this person continues to suffer. It's getting worse as time goes by. I've sent them links to your group and other support links mentioned on the reddit what to do page, but again, not helping. I don't know how all this tech works, and what is realistic considering the limitations that apply. 

I would like this person to get help. Yeah, the harassment is annoying, but it's basically on repeat and so senseless that again, I am seriously concerned. What should I do?",6.287845433255267,8.378952573770494,6.724250585480096,70.1347131147541,66.97814207650272,9.162997658079624,32.74355971896956,9.606745405546679,3.513821545667448,823,36,126,18,14,267,108,183,0.156,0.741,0.103,-0.8883,0,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,7,3,6,13,3,0,5,1,18,1,0,2,2,26,26,16,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,18,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,16,6,19,19,4,14,0,3,0,0,16,5,0,2,9,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599378663288916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721106486781986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769456715961945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419550196411761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708723955270275,0.09345837483336694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661616227425362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351375465537475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360997548036848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789547459181432,0.29697282133205044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5580412545825572,0.38595525120073737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916106845643004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380285241423478,0.0,0.17330167495975168,0.2416059217620536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teddybear1989,2019/02/22,"Why life is so hard I can't control myself, I want to live alone, but you know... you cant live alone all the time lol I mean I have one job but Its hard for me to connect to others....co-worker is the big problem, I feel social anxiety, Im afraid of people they're scaring me, I cant trust everyone.

Workplace, home, family, friends....  everything is going bad (nah always bad) or im too weak !! I've to use valium for stop my tears ",-0.7651465201465193,1.3616582637362669,2.0202472527472537,94.08516941391943,92.73626373626374,5.231135531135532,17.473443223443226,6.816661863887847,0.07974652014652063,326,9,74,5,12,113,65,91,0.35200000000000004,0.612,0.036000000000000004,-0.9826,1,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,0,2,2,1,7,2,0,2,1,12,13,4,0,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,0,3,12,2,7,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464472756474392,0.0,0.0,0.13916787081030496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279480655587032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792984904157945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875884295699852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981738192763748,0.15031618642975714,0.0,0.15767121658512115,0.0,0.08456812788084282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292192310462005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505371816314592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299651621622492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776836758849262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613238203792865,0.0,0.16597276685498225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919178592030305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813572016945577,0.0,0.0,0.29537487645452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821875180696945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333494216459973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595215146343288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003850590933127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744940218815133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049334198439065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398309734332118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752655281082462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444528671384717,0.0,0.0,0.09865013608351636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091979242332212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176215537061065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redistherose29,2019/02/22,"Hi I fucking hate that my husband gets a pass for being a perfect human being just because I am crazy. I beg to go to therapy. He just tells me to get over being raped and left by my mother. Whilst his family makes fun of my mental state. They tell him he can do better. That they are waiting to get to know his kids when I die or disappear. I want to die. I hope I die. Because I am crazy he doesn't have to take me out on dates, get anything better than a minimum wage job (which in turn makes it impossible for me to work, remember I am crazy. The only thing I can do is bartend or strip) and I just don't get to have anything that other wife's get. Like sex. Because I am fucking broken. I asked to go on a hike alone, well that just meant that I am a shit mom that wants nothing to do with her family. I just want a break. Just a breather but I am too much of a whore for that. I post here a lot, but if I wouldn't be typing this, I would be bleeding out waiting to go home. Why is it okay for someone to have a broken leg and go to the doctor. Why am I not good enough to get help. He told me it wouldn't be worth the money.",0.3323527349228605,1.892438427419357,2.556346423562413,95.93984572230015,82.06451612903227,5.4420757363253855,19.250350631136047,6.280692351149826,-0.2098494389901826,862,21,211,7,23,293,126,248,0.16399999999999998,0.748,0.08800000000000001,-0.9638,2,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,4,10,15,5,0,13,1,29,9,2,2,1,34,57,9,3,8,12,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,2,14,6,0,2,3,0,3,6,5,6,1,0,2,0,33,9,30,46,3,19,0,0,0,5,22,7,3,5,4,141,47,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144561512303087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818824065604911,0.0,0.10331294257615777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209958724489505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954761406225589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34407916302109753,0.0,0.0,0.11311277387485867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418748786024607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20836002334159825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433142675212804,0.40416234950576696,0.0,0.2512239756136663,0.09269145134726987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910681303369904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407324793464623,0.0,0.11085162448736643,0.10976243847880196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096651954775274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060733999850612175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007061255598785,0.0,0.0,0.053990131910680826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395256891657286,0.0,0.0,0.14753400902966646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113691768846342,0.0,0.0,0.1294292421007824,0.0,0.0,0.08123835989891141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603836245350903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404865670943346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583906724786446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251875116108282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134380362746809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363568007411052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309057942958427,0.0,0.19318311104893207,0.0,0.12637905194229387,0.0,0.07341865152478617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055980734786124,0.0,0.0,0.12020432177032908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554689596039732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936273341672426,0.0,0.1994381229059405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045338294655442,0.0,0.0,0.07850390102741606,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Swttaw,2019/02/22,"Gender dysphoria and suicide I'm a 21 year old trans woman.

While the people here are.. generally.. more accepting than the bigots I was raised by, the medical establishment is not. There is not a single trans friendly doctor where I live. Even Planned Parenthood, unlike most locations, does not prescribe HRT. I didn't know this when I moved here. I guess I just assumed everything would be okay. I was excited to get away from my family and start a new life. I knew Planned Parenthood managed transgender care, what I didn't know was that some of them don't. Instead of transitioning I'm sleeping in a gutter trying to work up the motivation to jump off an overpass. I lost my job because I couldn't get out of bed. Then I lost my apartment. The women's shelter won't take me and I'd be too afraid to go to the men's. I have nothing left to live for. Every day is a struggle against my name, body, face. Every time I pass a mirror I see a pale, miserable, hollow stranger - a man - and I wonder why I'm still here. My birthday is in two days, so I guess that's when I'm going to depart.

Just felt like I needed to say something. Thanks for reading",2.8264847161572035,4.749415000000003,4.17943013100437,85.49185262008737,75.85589519650655,7.200087336244542,26.297161572052413,8.07648339933343,1.6622784279475982,901,34,180,15,20,297,145,229,0.081,0.833,0.086,-0.009000000000000001,3,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,6,14,12,0,3,15,1,17,6,3,1,0,27,40,9,1,3,5,0,1,1,1,2,3,1,1,4,4,5,0,0,8,1,0,6,8,5,0,1,9,3,25,7,23,26,4,27,0,3,1,0,8,9,0,6,13,112,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935093510297374,0.0,0.0,0.08392588267768089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529267639991635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403696417662045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757898761924876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091700313170574,0.12048101010841115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093355971053818,0.0,0.23199557907526955,0.0,0.12373412112391005,0.0,0.1297884803631201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219034719970318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636797250893988,0.0,0.14385983403994304,0.0,0.15648864644357927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033308050016847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366219761495983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132602541633894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958514680488033,0.0,0.09724448082202056,0.06726143588305775,0.0,0.24314048678492325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005787726930978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386938724689619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632757473480282,0.0,0.10208485252927622,0.0,0.13296813423717635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210363199538988,0.0,0.14446758024406112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544705659798547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771304530793385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094853127452436,0.0,0.0,0.10970977831823912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777521609213933,0.0,0.0,0.10598954805174944,0.0,0.0,0.09744763156106563,0.0,0.10994806236695816,0.0,0.0,0.14392862653325306,0.0,0.15059496669843714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351505882658298,0.0,0.0,0.12675336852673147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027985930797328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347282296898987,0.0,0.1344892400793618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423098482763224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930351953845875,0.10022961358174096,0.0,0.0,0.09780092988587163,0.0,0.0,0.08865869377710263
suicidewatch,mkv253,2019/02/22,"Why should i live ? I'm depressed and hopeless for past few years, I couldn't able to share this info with anyone except few. I shared it with one of my best friend, who also admitted being depressed and having bi polar disorder. We agreed to come out of it together by making progress little by little. But he committed suicide leaving me alone. I don't know what to do. After this I became terrified of sharing my condition with others.

So, why should I live if there is an easy way out of this hard world ? Why should I make myself suffer and live if I can easily get out ? I know there is family, friends etc who care about me, but I couldn't bear it anymore.",3.7802290076335865,5.235607213740462,4.741900763358782,84.39804198473283,72.2824427480916,7.682748091603054,24.55038167938931,8.238735603445708,1.4609688549618325,519,15,101,8,10,169,84,131,0.14400000000000002,0.691,0.165,0.2178,0,1,0,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,2,5,11,0,0,1,0,12,1,0,2,1,28,21,9,1,7,5,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,16,7,19,15,4,11,0,4,0,1,10,6,0,2,3,74,26,0,0.15244394164857414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788594886060867,0.0,0.1219093650598856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118342720631114,0.10659234849887413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998051171638122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554267583668444,0.0,0.0,0.1313169574211689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262599487127242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471396425299546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001529167425694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371058102290726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355556223282819,0.0,0.07964566761971995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655982867544006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755840715312692,0.0,0.0,0.16141612303831052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30557775598461645,0.4038323801345164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035150295940601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329996014129317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455249916951082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674892951059972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100290519922408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41267083859855613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816890035072703
suicidewatch,AllHopeGone2019,2019/02/22,I’m a mistake I wasn’t meant to be born. I’m a mistake. An accident. Doctors have laughed at me and told me so. I find this universe so crushing because I wasn’t suppose to be here. ,-0.8272499999999994,1.2272607750000049,1.9850000000000032,95.08,91.25,4.2,30.5,5.6839178017228535,1.2485999999999993,141,9,32,1,5,49,27,40,0.278,0.648,0.075,-0.7987,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425064323909872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5750905259016789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5135325469405112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368841160080268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reallybigsadface,2019/02/22,so numb i feel so detached from myself that i feel so numb about killing myself nothing seems real,1.5682456140350889,4.28478757894737,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,94.26315789473685,2.533333333333333,22.12280701754386,3.1291,-0.17764561403508772,80,3,14,0,3,24,13,19,0.477,0.523,0.0,-0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43960952012679705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809472891147995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41712037654865614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948003782640748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957478389639651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Z2B1,2019/02/22,"Lost everything..I mean EVERYTHING - I have $300k school loan in default 
- credit card collections
- medical bill collections 
- lost my home
- I had to break up with my girlfriend 
- have no real friends 
- parents are worse off financially than I am
- car getting repo’ed
- my credit is shit
- living in a spare fucking room at parents place
- my business hasn’t made a dime since last June
- have $100 left in my account 
- can barely get out of bed in the morning 
- my physical health is deteriorating 
- my mental health has deteriorated 
- my emotional Heath is non-existent 

I’m ready to blow my brains out. This is too much for anyone to handle. ",5.316168582375481,7.247816517241382,6.01770114942529,74.87519157088123,69.17241379310343,8.948659003831418,31.854406130268195,9.444778638647367,3.1222636015325667,500,22,87,11,9,163,84,116,0.112,0.7859999999999999,0.103,-0.2732,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,3,0,13,6,2,1,0,6,21,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,12,3,16,17,1,16,0,2,0,1,4,12,2,0,2,48,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181214964943762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858448284386686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002626788701127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182559269196425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305167913500595,0.1561753273274954,0.17652046476177174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591345881458209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694530206564885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770249337327556,0.0,0.0,0.183545600560918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917044780463684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688194485096987,0.0,0.0,0.15984796823640735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401696163929215,0.0,0.17018167017371566,0.17024417565733402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418478792449612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37515898649855095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176498454182198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922821114351311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096865766410635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340673168281567,0.13974266784202927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215659823977247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,misterbw18,2019/02/22,"Thinking about killing myself I don’t know if this is the right place to post this, but I think I really will end my life if I don’t say something...

I’m 30m married with two beautiful girls. However, the relationship between my wife and I has been strained for a while.

I’m living in her country, living with a language I don’t know well, and living so far away from my own family.

Lately I just feel like there isn’t a reason for me to live on, except for my daughters. But, I’m scared one day (and soon) that reason won’t be enough to hold me back taking my own life away.

I’m sitting outside right now in the dark, just don’t know what to do with my life anymore.",2.3493036750483576,3.5755253617021268,3.719729206963251,91.22454545454548,75.52482269503545,6.545712443584787,23.45647969052225,6.980632752743323,0.6207531914893614,520,15,117,5,11,171,84,141,0.063,0.853,0.084,0.5927,1,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,2,6,0,12,3,0,2,0,22,23,9,1,2,7,2,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,8,0,0,0,6,3,1,2,1,2,17,2,19,19,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,8,79,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419338506902264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689267263783061,0.11004832761571157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229878349159384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675939997940114,0.14787837215403762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491820185869893,0.0,0.07236437946858917,0.10224298871314934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833802745606698,0.0,0.23596048570498965,0.0,0.16144248656469895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032638287269259,0.06991985697333858,0.0,0.5055005988866174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697994938950948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952706049476971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370667598368705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168457213263216,0.2942967288387678,0.0,0.15365436143051492,0.0,0.24444269119219125,0.0,0.1138125778512694,0.14328532965522495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017864758836933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760635738322834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340750406822373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980475301108727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867959130885034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4709327,2019/02/22,"How do I attempt suicide without actually dying, but make it look like I had full intention to Yes, yes, it's a cry for help and shit. I'm just tired of everything but don't actually want to die. 16 years would be a little too short. And yes, I've already told my mother, but she's still in denial, my friends know as well, but there's nothing they can do. I got signed up to a psychologist, but they haven't responded in over three months and I'm still waiting. I really don't think there's anything I can do, and I just want people to care for once",2.5145306513409977,3.7503189396551733,4.1866666666666665,88.00277777777781,75.1206896551724,7.569348659003833,24.95785440613027,8.167268648758528,1.2786429118773943,431,14,97,7,9,145,73,116,0.17600000000000002,0.611,0.213,0.7081,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,1,9,5,1,0,3,3,11,2,1,3,0,22,23,11,3,3,8,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,3,1,11,4,13,18,1,11,0,0,1,0,8,7,1,0,5,60,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.3422177798794537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349469967886115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429185588991011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877326378750275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260539406395505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639554585055412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758644388394602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354691040642151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402373359203698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752831533740285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963635979948152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566344024640181,0.17573914991295495,0.0,0.0,0.14724345573573425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704241422981887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399566316216031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682457627792064,0.0,0.0,0.18673393451808432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156034319267288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232883198539004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799864548981197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28005733589020754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179612748097605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123523305509687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153029605109005,0.0,0.16754717829797927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684298216058464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765387628324792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902381746487066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455821085780885,0.0,0.0,0.1129147574236056
suicidewatch,carnageasada2017,2019/02/22,"I have no reason to kill myself I have everything a 30+ yr old should have in life. Still, what’s the fucking point? 

I read your posts and I think, “Damn. That’s fucked up. If that were me, I would have already pulled the trigger “. See, I have no reason. No “ woe is me” story. Great childhood. Great family. Just bought my first house. It’s beautiful. My kids are beautiful. 

Still. 

Fuck it. ",-1.0593200916730297,0.27000296103896204,0.4284186401833488,100.05842627960276,116.79220779220779,3.889686783804431,13.620320855614974,5.900188976854957,-0.6937862490450724,296,7,65,4,17,93,55,77,0.261,0.57,0.16899999999999998,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,5,0,3,0,10,4,0,3,0,9,16,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,6,0,1,2,1,12,2,3,12,0,10,0,1,1,3,2,3,4,1,5,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665582363851905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016093447363966,0.0,0.16799767202495702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158275829740225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4942484186558772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929476287931504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056269177393096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715960959442555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587285365903095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869982381809088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846318895828655,0.0,0.1706730170382377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825519610424798,0.0,0.0,0.3664528925552477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420078831670758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846326341078321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418783118544353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659311902515516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blakery7829,2019/02/22,"No matter how well my life is going I can’t stop feeling like I was made to die. My Mother tells me I just need to eat better, I’m not fit enough, why aren’t I sleeping better. I used to be really healthy and I still got suicidal, and I can’t keep it up anyway. 
My Dad tells me I just need to stop caring what other people think. Not so helpful because I care about what I think of myself too.

I don’t even know why I wanna die, it gets triggered by little things but turns into a million reasons why I should. I used to think I might not be this way if I wasn’t bullied all until 15 but I’m not even sure about that now. I have BPD and it’s like when everything’s fine and I’m even happy it just goes oh hi there I havin a nice time? Real shame I gotta move back in. And it fucks everything up. 

I don’t know what to say. It’s like every time I cheer myself up I’ll just be suicidal soon enough. It’s been years now with this stupid cycle and I don’t know how to stop it. Please help.",0.14323160173159974,1.7673479681818205,2.2802597402597407,97.37348484848488,82.95454545454545,5.0995670995671,16.385281385281385,5.916634753146586,-0.7115627705627707,763,13,188,5,21,257,118,220,0.196,0.619,0.185,-0.7709,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,22,16,2,1,2,0,16,4,1,7,2,46,40,14,4,5,11,2,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,16,8,1,4,8,0,0,2,12,3,1,1,5,2,29,13,19,29,3,23,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,2,16,120,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281531330864253,0.0,0.06565344456993602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905053167806363,0.0,0.0,0.13564546283418605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196164091688512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355297766840168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020486725729343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22256755712406165,0.0,0.21340620669779856,0.0,0.0907426195908155,0.0,0.19358917662664624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544567908292421,0.07694151585346395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956770953651943,0.05626925412423072,0.0,0.06120888066536893,0.0,0.08613821634661722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464956808457337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443792323484401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572947286115988,0.0,0.0,0.1775687279897228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607230246121201,0.1578515999433274,0.10794455568072372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190915776338096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425359255970148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446896964789854,0.0,0.1597176459305398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466621547235594,0.0,0.0,0.1182232022416295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258715731899868,0.06899592870913138,0.110734421560676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564804661212755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777864020275298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601004586277203,0.2701282242796351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356145204124629,0.0,0.10150678589646868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827059737232435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155166570094648,0.20703108681859086,0.0,0.0,0.12560247506482178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714760852310052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186037926286554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548792954984936,0.0,0.0,0.09683600743014904,0.0,0.2915498228683592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935582268336274
suicidewatch,lightscarred,2019/02/22,"Odd to be posting here again I've spent the last few weeks trying to find information on what to do about being unemployed and in debt and so on... Too many articles are written by people who haven't experienced severe suicidal thoughts, too many people just shove links in my face about applying for temp positions or whatever online, without ever acknowledging how hard it is to work up the motivation to even do so.

I have been recovering from three recent suicide attempts in the past year. I genuinely thought I was much better, but obviously again I'm now entering the low trough of the wave that is mental health.

I have failed and withdrawn from many courses last year due to the above suicide attempts. Now I'm back at school and only taking 9 credit hours, but I have been so poorly motivated that I haven't gone to class at all this semester. I do the online homework but otherwise I spend all day at the library to pretend like I'm doing something with my days.

Even a year ago I considered that college wasn't right for me. If I withdraw from all my classes again (most likely option considering it's too late to expect me to gain motivation to pass, much less go to class) I will most likely be forced to drop out.

I'm lost on what to do. In the nearby future I almost certainly will be unemployed, in massive student loan debt, and without a degree. My family's financial burdens are HUGE (we might file for bankruptcy this year if we don't sell our house... and even selling our house will only provide about $45k which isn't enough long-term for a family with 5 dependents) and I do not see how I could contribute to lessening this load. My parents are 56 and 65 respectively and don't plan on retiring till 70, I do not want them dealing with crippling debt for the remainder of their elderly lives.

I have sought therapy. I am currently on medication for a host of mental illness. But more than ever, I need some financial help. If someone were to come and give me the money needed to secure my family's immediate future in exchange for my life, I would gladly do it. A therapist cannot help me with finances. A psychiatrist or a counselor at school cannot do that. My student loan creditors are unwilling to let me defer if I'm not enrolled.

Please help. My family does not deserve this burden of debt.",7.069237668161435,6.982966748878926,7.612443049327354,72.260135426009,64.24663677130044,11.082188340807175,34.65614349775785,10.70791436637684,3.7417045022421522,1854,75,335,44,25,614,234,446,0.126,0.762,0.112,-0.7201,10,0,1,0,0,2,43.0,4,0,2,11,24,14,0,0,18,0,43,5,1,6,7,66,62,26,3,10,17,1,1,3,0,5,4,0,1,0,15,18,0,1,9,1,15,5,14,5,0,1,11,3,39,9,61,40,12,54,0,3,1,0,14,20,0,13,30,234,54,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027533512016935,0.0,0.09068203476097396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963449420377837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009232137847737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800879856024236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230421389352948,0.0,0.0,0.11680648390232475,0.09336263825155652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792490336634767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357194127095808,0.0,0.1794406453304737,0.16383210151729374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34148490754429084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276953865505883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687271045061576,0.05146692411858075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112332463199698,0.0,0.0,0.09626027682074396,0.0,0.0,0.182099923609132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918264617198074,0.20898649411759196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476357952538514,0.1021548090597979,0.0,0.0,0.0926029964194124,0.06396469557581841,0.13272806540434434,0.0,0.07996550080728153,0.08014211050436536,0.0,0.0,0.09885614859241136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27543867943406136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122894436492912,0.18252490310669092,0.09606908204535053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314297711345607,0.13429711300302036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774882199253727,0.0,0.0,0.10055536025808016,0.0,0.08644907699327037,0.12556480053756527,0.0,0.0,0.09940689182163297,0.0,0.0,0.08673075457103599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894163609893745,0.0,0.0,0.07733712784086169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833016463202434,0.0721640191041834,0.0,0.0,0.10230620645613817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673058161577465,0.06971695584201755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971714523648755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808930614246181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356242568973,0.1051463005754962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378790090516885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061483804687760726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341420794695995,0.0,0.07264118964287719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459182302928528,0.0,0.06592823228880049,0.0,0.0,0.06433071218336066,0.0,0.0,0.23326882141440355
suicidewatch,Hikaru_dream,2019/02/22,"Wanna die. It’s been years of unbearable pain. Mid 20s F. Life’s been painful and till this day still I don’t feel am wired to stay alive Ina human form. Been depressed since 14. Always hyper sensitive and possibly Aspie and somewhat BPD. Unstable emotions and loose sense of self. 5 years out of a good college with a BS in neuroscience with honors (took me a degree, yet still not figuring out myself). Unable to hold a full time job after a few months despite having worked at four F500 companies. Until I had one consulting job from a top firm; been having it almost for a year. Never really liked the job nor felt fitting in but nonetheless extremely happy and motivated to be able to do some work as an adult. Last year was heavy and traumatic (ex bf posted my nudes online, got dumped by a date of 3 years) yet I believed that my life is finally making the upward turn. There were moments when I felt truly happy and I have acquired DBT skills alongside of traveling and meditation and have my wonderful mom with me. Reminded myself constantly of positivity.

Until last week. I was laid off due to underperformance. My firm told me to leave or go thru a PIP. 

Things fell back apart. Like they always have. I am fairly positive that they will be in the future. Been in bed for 2 days with only one meal and coffee. Started researching for suicide methods and making a project plan (to try to make the workload lighter for others after I passed. 

I wanna die. Only thing I wanna hold on to - my mom. Beautiful and positive and always energetic and resourceful. Kindest and most generous person I know. Everyone loves her. I hate that she married my depressed and BPD father and also passed the gene onto me. I hate that I can’t be like her. She’s turning 60 soon. She can’t have another child who might be as awesome as her. 


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suicidewatch,CBDforpains,2019/02/22,"i dont know what to do last night after discussion  in bed, my girlfriend puts on clothes, grabs a a huge knife out the kitchen drawer, wanders to the bathroom. Does not want to give up the blade, I got it away from her without injury.

I dont have the extra effort for this shit.  I've struggled to much to have someone else making my shitty life even worse.

her support network is shit, I'm everything good to her.

i think maybe she is the problem.  basically i told her i can forgive her for being physically abusive to me but the damage is already done. Emotionally speaking my house burned down and her apologizing for it doesnt matter.

she has no insurance so going inpatient isnt happening. not going to hospital.  

I hid the kitchen knives. christ, I didnt think this woman was so utterly fucking fucked


fuck cymbalta. she got off it a fee years ago and has been a total trainwreck.",4.01293233082707,5.915181274853804,4.906904761904761,81.6375,72.50877192982456,7.692731829573934,29.758145363408524,8.418075326091056,2.314596992481203,702,30,130,12,14,228,112,171,0.226,0.726,0.048,-0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,3,11,5,1,11,0,18,8,2,1,1,16,35,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,6,3,2,0,4,0,1,3,9,8,0,0,7,2,21,3,21,27,3,16,1,1,0,3,17,8,5,0,5,89,27,0,0.0,0.16934746942485066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669791696220745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772568362579434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428648167969254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507811361235424,0.14626597046046996,0.33502340024927457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939882257532645,0.160775864827591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440324331955822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845535114401205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964066167537429,0.0,0.1371105014819001,0.1624596663100774,0.11988204723606062,0.2286267242938536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263916250170958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492085295126238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785500295129475,0.11650619520753774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009549655127098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540620403685593,0.0,0.14359137140846878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506924594689973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412916549070086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676373091565142,0.0,0.14368310218702726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29342908812804563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110326096383647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942040314400987,0.0,0.0,0.1621941127616909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831662383777298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657476551285952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843032155883915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377784363237557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565684142275076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204157703356763
suicidewatch,Eeleels,2019/02/22,"I'm torn between life and death I don't wanna make this post too long, so I'll try to summarize the things that have lead me to this point: im a girl who was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by father as a child, bullied at school for most of my life, grew up a lonely and suicidal teenager with pretty much only my mom and therapists as emotional support. 

I started college this year, and I was full of hope for a better life. I've done the most to be conventionally attractive, worked on social skills and had a positive outlook. However, it's now my third week here and I have not made a single friend. I have tried talking to a group of girls, but noticed that they never approach me first, greet me or even smile at me.  Everyone already seems to have made friends; it's just me who is constantly alone. This has been a pattern in my life, and even though I've had a couple of friends here and there and even dated, I've spent the majority of my school years with only online friends. I really cannot take being alone anymore, I just want someone I can hang out with. 

Additionally, my sexual abuse has made me nearly unable to have sex, and it's making me feel like a freak. I have only slept with one person so far; an ex-girlfriend that I dated long distance for a while and managed to visit once. I feel like I will never be able to be intimate with anyone again. With most people my age (19) having frequent hook-ups, I feel like an outcast. 

I've recently seen a new psychiatrist, who talked to my mom about my mental health issues being ""worse than she thinks they are"". She loves me and I know it, but she seems disappointed and I'm scared she'll completely lose hope in my recovery. He also thinks it's likely I have body dysmorphic disorder - I am extremely distressed about my appearance and fear aging.  

I've been planning suicide for a while now; my first choice is jumping out of my window, since I live on the 14th floor of an apartment building. A part of me is still holding back, though; I really, really do not want to hurt my mother or my ex-girlfriend who I've mentioned before, someone I still have a very close relationship with. We broke up over the distance, but still have feelings for each other. I also have a tiny bit of hope that eventually, I'll find a friend in real life who understands me and loves me for who I am. 

Any input will be welcome, sorry for making this so lengthy. 

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suicidewatch,TheHumanistError,2019/02/22,"Just want to die. I've been struggling with severe depression the past few months in particular. I hate my life. I hate my job, my circumstances, and have absolutely no self esteem anymore. I've isolated myself to the point no one even checks in anymore. I work the night shift, and my social life decline started from that switch. I'm stuck.

I constantly dwell on the negatives as I have very little positive anymore. I had met someone, and fell hard for them.. only to have them pull away from me. They have no idea about my depression or how bad it is, or how they send me spiralling downward with their blatant disregard for my feelings as of late. They were one positive I was holding on to. This, combined with everything else and the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and pure frustration and emptiness.. I just feel like I can't do it anymore. I want out.

I've been thinking about suicide for months on end, going over methods and scenarios in my head. My biggest fear is failing, winding up alive in a hospital or worse, with severe disabilities or issues, and then dealing with the condescending remarks from family. The guilt and blame. The ""how could you?!"". It has nothing to do with them, and I certainly don't want to hurt them. I just can't do this thing called life anymore.  I worry too, about the mess afterward. I don't want to scar and traumatize anyone, but I really don't want to live anymore. I don't want to cause damage to my rental unit because of my death- What I mean by that is the fact I will likely go undiscovered for some time, likely until the smell of decomposition gets unbearable for the tenants upstairs. I also worry about things like my desire to be cremated, making sure I have a beneficiary to my life insurance and pension.. I want all these to be taken care of but not draw any attention to myself or have people start to wonder what I'm up to. And if I succeed in dying, I don't want it publicly known I took my own life. I don't want a funeral. I won't be around to care about any stigma or gossip, but I just want a small shred of privacy in my death.

I'm not sure when I will go through with my plans, but I feel it is quite soon. I don't think I will be seeing my 28th birthday.",4.550285587451911,5.749776215596333,5.402959455460199,81.37648860609649,70.10091743119266,8.65332938739272,29.202130807931344,9.023248300946321,2.339499940810891,1754,66,342,33,31,573,213,436,0.16,0.7120000000000001,0.128,-0.9126,2,0,1,0,0,5,57.0,0,1,8,5,18,26,3,5,16,0,37,6,1,5,7,77,74,33,7,13,17,0,5,4,0,4,5,0,1,1,14,22,0,2,11,0,1,7,16,16,0,2,9,7,60,10,63,56,4,42,0,6,1,0,17,20,0,9,19,239,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031952577240689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025868813348044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448824220973616,0.05274082027464255,0.0,0.0,0.0671466683493389,0.0,0.0,0.0708668321420848,0.0,0.06297900115714823,0.04598004208752551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702014226275179,0.0,0.15380718868357834,0.07748505282096298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815105763471496,0.0,0.06022290214170147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776267418374805,0.12993158092334806,0.0,0.15656414357719325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063010186964246,0.0,0.06680657770053648,0.0,0.0,0.049819302094406014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778957712950412,0.0,0.07110654781542472,0.08487716266802799,0.15255409983023013,0.053885583009307916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039407874024184164,0.0,0.1286019459097544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675684275873088,0.14893852848634098,0.0774106084703997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074694144120757,0.08514872232402404,0.0,0.0787269499122988,0.07485038003788587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508576109231382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663841700746964,0.14740070901120744,0.07559839770526992,0.06660406455591142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034859326287504,0.0,0.0,0.08216290674717085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041138362238026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078381187214358,0.0,0.07237493804373597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222355936265402,0.05736618504148903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200429993848592,0.052292088441423266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130358210571995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022667190351533,0.0,0.0,0.048320933146689615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060106132500972125,0.0,0.0786875691001769,0.17042372299266725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688906850972221,0.06390966804130019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677626633289024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885343703818624,0.0,0.08250569056934204,0.0,0.14217947948541634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022166001838707,0.09666208323316752,0.0,0.0,0.04398251399913948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380297968427178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223577393920171,0.444892274591776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817981520499359,0.05491228336083336,0.1532010355791984,0.07686729745495538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayBcReasons08,2019/02/22,"I’ve reached that point where I’m scared I’m actually going to do it. just look at my post history and you’ll know the deal...when my mother passes to her illness I feel like it’s going to be the straw to break the camel’s back. 

She won’t be around to grieve me. Everyone else will eventually move on so it doesn’t matter. 

I don’t anything or provide anything to this horrid and hate filled world anymore either. 

I’m at my breaking point and I can’t keep doing this over..and over..and over. I will never know why I was dealt these cards. ",0.5138259109311747,2.7457050789473705,2.2177192982456155,94.78159919028342,85.9298245614035,4.911201079622133,18.418353576248318,6.297961479604792,-0.2033460188933871,425,11,95,4,13,139,74,114,0.14800000000000002,0.8029999999999999,0.049,-0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,0,12,1,0,0,1,13,23,5,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,1,2,12,1,11,16,1,19,0,1,1,0,4,9,0,1,3,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.2047763870351801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810775695400624,0.0,0.0,0.3453656316529762,0.18680465827093048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135622689917187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633880182339352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752968052294928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051387068132429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610286849360906,0.1499118000525893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851709647169586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071764065233781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651799922987725,0.0,0.0,0.2306483251225549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251863477602667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621517438842116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302977917362046,0.0,0.0,0.16184377048147452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967387099373007,0.0,0.2009714793468138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008933678579855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935056610378087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pb_nayroo,2019/02/22,Help I dont know if I can make it through tonight ,-0.12250000000000227,0.843105083333338,0.8900000000000041,110.055,81.5,4.800000000000002,28.66666666666667,3.1291,0.023066666666666347,39,2,12,0,1,12,11,12,0.0,0.748,0.252,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7310065210698687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418072846212528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427855114685805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416344394150212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,under-Brated,2019/02/22,"Why do people think that suicide is something for those who think they are a burden? For background: i continuously think about suicide.. ive half arse tried a fair few times.. and once woken up in hospital after a v serious attempt. 
I’ve done inpatient time and always proactively spoke down with people and attempted to look myself 
(note the health care system and bad doctors who have been flippant with meds haven’t helped)

What i don’t understand is this misconception that people who want to kill themselves feel like other will be better off without them?
I know I am destroying lives around me when I think about trying... are those who don’t understand just trying to justify it?

I honestly have a great life but I wake up every morning so exhausted I just want out.. the only thing that keeps me here (again) is the damage I would do

Can some help me reconcile this ",4.618422436459248,6.908851092024541,4.949487291849255,80.31443251533744,71.82208588957056,8.092725679228748,26.366783523225237,8.841846274778883,2.1958574934268187,700,24,122,14,14,221,110,163,0.134,0.758,0.108,-0.8075,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,3,9,12,2,0,7,0,20,5,1,0,0,26,35,7,3,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,15,8,0,1,9,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,3,16,5,18,28,2,14,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,1,7,89,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838631731310492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266571820554878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879580940239215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583292888899916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450614421938817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562709889914766,0.0,0.14559932901886158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198749703276859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193980308517703,0.10164310851385984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686149863636076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123438001979314,0.0,0.0,0.19073128229874356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646282166487124,0.1574090263708979,0.0,0.07819201934319961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049483959596346,0.06950962309556008,0.0,0.12563368127521685,0.0,0.11947730656204382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580382813308784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152094487646073,0.0,0.10820848630682972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959120115087092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953220728077824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31125708923301426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452288066483816,0.3646628306331017,0.0,0.0,0.1659263644732091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897913466588247,0.0,0.0,0.2962318897108414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783796784939195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283833569531938,0.0,0.0,0.1371504788082498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106988775234556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadthrowaway9167,2019/02/22,"Gf found out and broke up. Prolly gonna OD soon. She found my pills, freaked out, flushed em. I was so upset she flushed the pills, I was mad when she was crying and that’s how I know I’m a junkie. She broke up with me, and with her went every warm feeling I have for this world. I will NEVER find someone like her again there’s no “more fish in the sea” bullshit. I don’t even know why she liked me, I was so scared to even ask her out because she was out of my league. So beautiful, compassionate, creative, talented FUCKING PERFECT. I would do anything for her. But I say that while eating 5 OxyContins so maybe im a liar. I hope she’s not upset. And I hope she won’t blame herself If I die. But I know she would because she wants to help everyone. I push everything I love away. I wonder if she would take me back, but then I would probably just break her heart again. The only thing keeping me from putting a hollow tip in my brain right now are these drugs. I don’t know how I’m crying so hard I can barely keep my eyes open. I might just go for it and cop some heroin later, it’s cheaper anyways and maybe I’ll have some fun before I overdose.",0.9530303030303032,2.913462615702482,2.33671487603306,96.26901170798901,81.93388429752066,5.355647382920111,20.413911845730027,6.42735559955562,0.006925068870523354,891,25,206,8,24,287,138,242,0.16,0.718,0.122,-0.8088,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,20,19,3,3,6,0,19,9,3,2,2,46,41,21,2,9,8,0,3,2,1,8,3,1,0,0,7,13,1,2,9,0,0,4,6,9,0,0,8,5,46,10,18,25,3,27,0,2,1,2,23,12,1,8,12,134,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002138515954446,0.0,0.11384705196071175,0.0,0.11441550576559398,0.09364063759952967,0.0,0.14847086038839166,0.0,0.10362507416442863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359457890923842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26753732229951904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638751536280146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122513392440816,0.12461045698256795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608679398732522,0.0,0.10260417326766036,0.11636518192682907,0.10944723389578312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061575189553044724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130392289196923,0.0,0.0,0.2670490710445177,0.0,0.1125828476984274,0.0,0.0,0.06920988864580582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090901848228208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430886095177853,0.08162598698897673,0.0,0.0,0.2419083171040065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315423628700477,0.0,0.0,0.21648578065212465,0.0,0.0,0.26770651050530364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899026781605693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991042363293063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468701804940785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291884173094206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093923576118741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926185195100147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312985042342324,0.0,0.0,0.12242166598653477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399871563570114,0.0,0.09684365576235628,0.12192215836688895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318306563493387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915627536868608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090464589048177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182848882897178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289047791092892,0.10988672752536292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320642768216314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34603361307993025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AD4K,2019/02/22,"This will be the 6th loved one i've lost to terminal illness in the last 4 years First my mom. Then two of my grandparents. Then my girlfriend. Then my best friend. Now my new girlfriend.

Am I cursed? I can't keep this up. It's too much.

What did I do? ",-2.141565656565657,-0.8128194999999998,-0.3458249158249149,106.28560606060609,114.37037037037035,3.445117845117845,14.16835016835017,5.565023196281405,-1.10382962962963,193,5,49,2,11,61,42,54,0.085,0.716,0.199,0.8253,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,8,3,4,5,2,10,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,8,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230124242144225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181072459639443,0.0,0.0,0.2378020666057299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735828136107171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508944417205199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33599518557254204,0.0,0.2777974872258467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604864102362866,0.0,0.0,0.2262651334281825,0.0,0.0,0.2972708454290701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857022013810506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006715129821472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821023288741915
suicidewatch,homoeroticpoetic,2019/02/22,"Laying on bed cannot eat, cannot drink, cannot get up, just laying until i'm asleep and awake again and asleep again and awake again until death comes",12.454193548387096,6.195153774193553,9.822580645161292,79.85387096774194,59.645161290322584,12.4,31.0,3.1291,1.4601354838709668,121,0,27,0,1,35,19,31,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,5,6,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,14,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955482319516142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635502150627769,0.0,0.5886496548354812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30055729699076683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guyguyminheimer,2019/02/22,"Running out of emotional support I am not an introverted person. I very deeply crave connections to people, I am just so bad at it due to the emotional abuse of my sisters from as far back as I can remember that I am horrible at starting conversations and will just silently coast through a situation even if I wanted to make new friends. I have been depressed for most of my life but there is very much a ""you don't know what you have 'til it's gone"" situation slowly overtaking my life. I have never been in a real, romantic relationship (I am a virgin at 19 and have had very bad luck romantically). I didn't have nearly as many friends in school as I wanted, and was never as close to them as I wanted to be. After dropping out of high school due to depression, I had very few left in contact and now they are so unreliable to contact that I can actually feel what remaining friendships I had slowly dying. My pets were the pride of my existence and due to something out of my control I had to see them taken from me in November. The shelter euthanized one dog and two cats with little warning and adopted the remaining dog (the one I personally took care of the most) out without telling me at all. They had the legal right to do so, but I will never forgive them regardless. I have no job, no friends, no relationship, and very little family left to rely on. I thought life was an awful pit of despair I could never escape before, but the hope that my emotional supports could help me survive my depression and live happier and safely was what carried me this far. As that hope slowly dwindles, I can't keep relying on daydreams and fantasies that it all gets better. I just ... don't know what to do with myself anymore.",8.256452095808381,6.8117712544910205,8.696758982035927,69.89178517964075,62.50299401197604,11.823053892215569,38.539670658682645,10.820120047756994,4.119311976047904,1365,59,252,29,16,457,165,334,0.126,0.705,0.16899999999999998,0.9466,1,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,2,5,5,10,19,0,0,14,1,36,4,0,2,6,55,56,26,1,9,9,1,1,0,3,2,3,0,1,2,13,18,0,3,6,1,0,3,13,6,0,3,16,2,43,13,51,35,6,41,0,4,1,1,21,24,0,6,13,199,56,4,0.0,0.10456722641317168,0.08612372323286442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752481241618898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786231180539458,0.14737774847750154,0.0,0.0,0.07509813339672214,0.0,0.0,0.07805398960317547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998140948313216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898499755332504,0.1409281754449909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280405790116904,0.0,0.0915943034533824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978235160459945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058291306931601575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319854813905428,0.0,0.044624159126250784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455577081600454,0.0,0.046109366925947824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059155173677468,0.09324579199103174,0.0,0.17531339025945306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757903650411324,0.07844471121009608,0.0,0.0,0.09700480023395476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177768323527894,0.0,0.1870104248765176,0.0,0.1769085161339498,0.07793039658732552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058910606533570074,0.08947627542330963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487725897118392,0.0,0.2722694407830357,0.08523680750665041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960715272882838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061184602137887525,0.15412096165588576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045301479829913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950474598884665,0.0999752163982649,0.07536891512863815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863666016764945,0.07032746085937422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984036544916147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794267481327101,0.0,0.0,0.06246703438384599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030046589578893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713837859341427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006426539492466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805406750383143,0.0,0.0,0.08621188478070119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640962888180571,0.15616448468457886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507424997166664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,callmefabio,2019/02/22,"I'm honestly trying. I'm trying to pull myself out of these dark thoughts but I seem to be sinking deeper. I used to self harm but it is no longer reliving the emotions I feel. My husband and our 2 year old daughter are asleep in their bedrooms while I'm in the living room thinking of quiet ways to end my life. I have a tiny human to live for but I can't seem to find the will to do so anymore. It's selfish but I can't quiet these thoughts anymore. This depression has been tightening it's grip on me these past 2 months. I've done what I can to push it away. I have a new routine, I have a good job, I even started cooking new food but it is not enough. I feel so pathetic and weak. Why can't I just be happy? What is wrong with me? Why does death seem like the only solution right now? My gosh I'm such a shit mother and a crappy wife. I don't deserve my family and I know they will be better off without me. I'm sorry for rambling. It has taken all of me to write this post. ",0.028181261481936563,2.0116803708920195,2.259297815880796,95.3591610532762,85.66666666666666,5.018901816697285,20.05899163094509,6.280692351149826,0.007877485201061685,761,23,176,7,23,257,123,213,0.223,0.7020000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9916,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,2,1,7,11,1,0,9,0,22,6,2,1,1,27,39,12,1,0,8,4,3,1,0,2,2,2,2,2,13,6,2,0,10,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,5,26,5,22,29,2,22,0,1,0,0,10,8,1,3,11,112,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679264873366403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269122777954106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946744402917076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634436304052148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182095777798426,0.13823392528349826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194702374038194,0.11964094755487314,0.13957393747727026,0.0,0.08921918640728915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273415740008037,0.0,0.13660119770603724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346083939640595,0.0,0.1633394925674232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329884803889585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379536581526606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340462376731373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423653551489573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541112752165193,0.06599335388579324,0.0,0.2385565514280548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781971273510707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609225635177957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174392834322494,0.0,0.0,0.10273456555037426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289493186027485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936947498823975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535773757942007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689157740018536,0.1409180899841113,0.0,0.13865786592944934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512112048560507,0.09561044825333047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655392648972131,0.0,0.21447715221394886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183421153708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166659068709045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072203612083588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437777082120133,0.0,0.0,0.13021247534540215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768897405258874,0.0,0.08698720859389605
suicidewatch,ohboyitsanotherburnr,2019/02/22,"It’s just not worth it anymore Since I was 8 or likely before, I can’t really remember much on my childhood, I’ve wanted to kill myself. I just can’t shake the feeling that life isn’t worth it, the effort is just... wasted, worthless; it’s an investment made for you without your consent that generates pitiful returns everyone expects you to be hyped about. 

Well, I’m not, my job takes the things I love about what I do and crams them full of so much kafkaesque bullshit it’s nearly unrecognizable. I have ADHD and struggle to do something if I’m not personally interested and while I have my meds they don’t last all day. Hell, even when they are working it feels tainted with the knowledge that they could be taken away at any moment, and I would without question pop enough opioids to kill a horse six times over if that happened. 

Last time I took an IQ test was in middle school, back before I took meds and would be so miserable in class I’d end up running around for no reason so who knows how shit the results were but I got 135-140. Got put in gifted classes and couldn’t do the simplest of logic charts, because I didn’t care. Was basically seen as the class moron; what’s the point of being intelligent if it’s all fucking useless? Its as if I’m being taunted by biology itself; I can teach myself anything I care about but the second I actually fucking need to do something I’m a pencil tapping, leg bouncing, chair spinning, thousand yard stare stuck in my own head sack of shit. Just salt in the fucking wound knowing you should be able to be a “success”—whatever the fuck that means—but your idiotic lazy fucking ass would rather study shit that’s entirely irrelevant while the work you have to do stacks up and up and up. I’ve lived my life by the skin of my teeth and can’t even feel last minute panic anymore; the fuck kinda adult even says that shit? 

I don’t want to do this anymore; I’m fucking tired.",7.485764608371322,6.304849564304463,7.406379334162178,77.67842934106922,63.85564304461943,9.805829534466088,35.275728691808254,8.532816995589336,2.749401049868766,1528,58,299,17,19,490,207,381,0.22,0.733,0.048,-0.9968,1,0,3,0,0,1,34.0,0,6,4,3,19,29,16,4,19,0,36,21,9,4,2,54,69,25,2,15,17,0,4,1,0,4,4,1,1,2,21,11,0,0,10,1,3,5,14,23,1,3,13,8,34,6,40,43,7,37,1,4,2,9,16,18,13,7,15,197,55,11,0.0798711349287639,0.0,0.07794270614074596,0.0,0.09598958287054342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054315110649480615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376321115054527,0.0,0.0,0.06572713858462707,0.07110224375055613,0.0,0.0,0.07504156046255822,0.06141597260928847,0.0,0.048688702515502495,0.0,0.13592890607464214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628678903839499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377060206721791,0.0,0.0,0.0515102744549211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074211853804924,0.08252823328159234,0.0,0.15826239401350384,0.0,0.0,0.07632029222672551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211557370372028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168770405072434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776048593913178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062978083903207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197082725989659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925977709850024,0.0,0.17673115381105015,0.0,0.08779017389243253,0.19531690567594606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128306893405361,0.039021002079334184,0.0,0.07052767544912472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208681765051615,0.07557599907284655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774376504947705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742894852642514,0.05922343450620255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371156764151596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974039424650605,0.0,0.0,0.07550403913999416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029255115890248,0.08947395048815908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116749425266277,0.08212082922550687,0.0,0.0,0.09047842592706123,0.0,0.0,0.06351673228797099,0.0,0.08083385266429287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32794628890130395,0.06607022817860791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297740363752073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349865211016756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005315338104358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053062833010856916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314700216722972,0.09180012008201753,0.0,0.0,0.17747953949207848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942201295414689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181374243864916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398584772646354,0.0,0.11629427497753198,0.0,0.0,0.1702144879157428,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blueeyedangel666,2019/02/22,"Pretty sure I'm going to do it tonight 21 year old female here. I have a lot of problems not really most people's basic problems. I'm physically and mentally disabled at 21. I've been homeless before I've been through PTSD and tons of trauma. I feel like I am unreversibly broken. I've been suicidal since I was a kid. And honestly nothing has changed but it getting worse. I'm so scared of dying but I need to just do it now I need to get over it and just give up. I'm weighing everyone down and there's no point of me existing I'm a burden on everyone and on the system and especially on my boyfriend. 21 and I'm already suffering so much oh, I can't imagine how much worse it's going to be years from now if I keep going. I wanted to say goodbye to somebody, but I know nobody would care so I'm going to just say it here. If I do get enough lady balls to do it, goodbye. I hope everyone here either is able to get help or finds peace because nobody deserves to feel this way. Love and light",1.6354586466165415,3.4176967714285698,3.835764411027572,87.24800751879701,78.90476190476191,6.7067669172932325,24.86215538847118,7.669130373188453,1.3005238095238094,782,29,165,12,19,269,117,210,0.15,0.7170000000000001,0.132,-0.4659,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,13,12,0,1,4,0,15,2,0,1,1,37,41,19,2,9,11,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,8,9,1,1,5,1,0,4,3,6,0,0,4,5,14,6,23,35,7,20,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,6,7,101,22,0,0.12720002281573572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036838820610442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753995328054536,0.0,0.10823785069182608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296889006977692,0.0,0.13456075801791878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201354138905586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314316262780488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646352185129772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863230693737165,0.09087172171532794,0.0,0.0,0.11625851643087134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265827047735554,0.1220218524765204,0.2891628171674349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525949403198205,0.0,0.0,0.12633832361010955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130612247666384,0.0,0.0,0.0699058059715469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214350602643924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814091068207704,0.11480298681166297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281877052336057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870133051835464,0.1886344103444626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205185249528484,0.0,0.13347502659816504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881844798439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024513624168802,0.0,0.0,0.12940815243726475,0.0,0.2434264861926881,0.14869001974521245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148759175849435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230912715630608,0.12734941306194494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052211733219434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913617956129634,0.0,0.11988451615339472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502586909567217,0.10096545743741972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25925538050240543,0.09035924666135343,0.0,0.0,0.16382528855353778
suicidewatch,Gen2dex,2019/02/22,Not what i thought I was here to watch suicide but suicide judt watching me. Also eat piss slit your wrist & jump off a bridge ,1.3810256410256407,3.852386846153848,1.405384615384616,100.42294871794874,84.38461538461539,3.466666666666667,24.051282051282055,3.1291,-0.19747179487179525,102,4,22,0,3,30,24,26,0.386,0.614,0.0,-0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779700169427638,0.0,0.3766168979502009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35567444182179514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7604207066205291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759500357613622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TJ358,2019/02/22,"Last ditch effort.... Pretty much what it says in the title.... feels like tonight’s the night... can’t even think straight, idk why I’m posting here... I don’t want to live 

Maybe it’s like survival instinct? 

Maybe I just want someone to know?

Maybe I just want someone to tell me not to? 

Everything is set, idk what I’m holding on to, I’ve got nothing left ",0.028750000000002274,2.3842865972222214,0.9846666666666692,100.82700000000004,92.75,3.4355555555555566,21.088888888888885,4.935628992294339,-0.3714377777777775,273,10,61,1,10,84,49,72,0.04,0.753,0.207,0.867,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,7,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236506478258398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825256026306565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465916060380684,0.133743086865164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972919136655224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028858934765277,0.15260139383528132,0.0,0.0,0.2034045556604696,0.0,0.0,0.18292300767969247,0.0,0.16531013851952867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642337743658685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376211226549567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568419920831646,0.0,0.17963334690045446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929573262593335,0.19046019428019845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887715703045493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172453857609729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363006745590056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199568110099889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312644837641843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892819111972593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfiniteChampion,2019/02/22,"I dont know/i'm done I'm done

​

There is no comeback, there is no overcoming

​

I will never become anything guaranteed, in fact I have the person I despise.

​

It has been 10 years and if anything was to change it would have happened by now. 

​

No matter what I do now matter how many times I try I will always be behind and keep going in the same circle of lies to myself whilst avoiding the truth 

​

I do not desire for a life after this life, how can someone be so cruel as to leave someone in this state and then ask tell them any causing is not of there blame and has been brought upon by themselves

​

Everything I create I destroy.

​

I can't kill my self, yet I can't escape the situation I'm in, I don't have health income study or any growth prospects. 

​

I think it's time - but I don't want to do this it's to selfish

​

​

​",5.433278388278384,6.317007181318687,5.301923076923078,84.06391025641027,67.84615384615384,6.945787545787545,31.100732600732602,6.42735559955562,1.6733391941391944,745,29,138,4,12,231,104,182,0.14400000000000002,0.7829999999999999,0.073,-0.8798,1,1,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,4,1,5,0,27,3,0,3,3,24,36,12,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,11,6,0,0,6,0,18,1,18,25,1,19,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,10,100,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035981035235106214,0.5153828324901639,0.5779850433016016,0.058812457015129674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711694124620699,0.0,0.040425688014125334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775769319924311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044421726043852985,0.04574459115496988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850371743180431,0.05067962195061213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886336673001252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0245755802869031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038238999239002064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596451414110555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038435719139909334,0.04784116824240536,0.0,0.02376482237935393,0.0,0.0,0.045787323457470615,0.0,0.0,0.0610865925474386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384087771889048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033351106769611234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03775748488583863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511112156948994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860612667657988,0.0,0.0,0.07327807523972316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779565261683157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02770790251723364,0.0,0.0,0.050429834308924254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029358664896448068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025505413007340428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030718070085814026,0.0,0.5779850433016016,0.027846606083805646
suicidewatch,IritantIguana,2019/02/22,"Despite medication, I still keep getting strong suicidal thoughts and this has now progressed to self harming in periods of high stress I don’t know what to do. These feelings keep getting stronger and stronger and despite the fact I should be fine on paper I’m not. ",5.553571428571427,7.823247979591841,4.599744897959184,83.90329081632655,69.20408163265307,7.348979591836735,38.78061224489796,8.07648339933343,3.2629959183673467,217,13,38,3,4,64,38,49,0.187,0.636,0.177,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,11,13,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,2,5,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715808237634534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041117703624437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074987228384933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173777388873263,0.0,0.0,0.15994744397695262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29319121196294473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036171899286735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324241517271061,0.0,0.3333842347535566,0.0,0.0,0.3183494700655579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105248682566515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bunchiebabe-264,2019/02/22,I Just Want It Over I have never wanted to kill myself as much as i do lately i am planning on really causing damage hoping it could possibly kill me i wish i was freaking gone everyone will be better off if i dissapeared #suicidal #pain #hurting hanging myself will be the best decision i would ever make no mistakes,4.28213114754098,6.257323114754101,6.384393442622951,71.01921311475411,71.95081967213116,8.814426229508197,30.2327868852459,9.3871,3.262708852459017,254,11,40,6,5,89,48,61,0.147,0.563,0.29,0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,3,2,10,2,0,1,0,10,1,0,2,2,14,16,3,3,8,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,11,3,6,8,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164495434329207,0.1867922577389002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696408636833592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686287414917913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910455809359748,0.0,0.20181391442585028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977264675969806,0.0,0.0,0.2260976244968041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673305737044258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382466520478904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409799198621089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552588117628486,0.0,0.16289309430475926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247353250311542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23810011707058484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530231613652086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23102225684645866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491464930976242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24287350460906584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003284664327898,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwillfuckingblockyou,2019/02/22,"I don't know what to do anymore I think about suicide a lot each day and I don't kill myself because I'm tucking scared to, and when I say I think about it I mean that I constantly want to just die so that I can stop feeling, and thinking. I don't want to abandon my friends but I'm tired and I feel so alone. People expect me to get help but don't want to help me get it.",-0.10350000000000036,1.4060042235294112,2.0196323529411764,99.5070955882353,83.23529411764707,4.720588235294118,21.213235294117645,5.148860815047168,-0.3443823529411767,289,9,74,1,8,97,47,85,0.185,0.607,0.209,-0.2345,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,22,20,9,3,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,7,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,14,1,8,20,2,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063546581082872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759455897079492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145609412122985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530985582505527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849462851090132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678177416762647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148551704552248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539339005839954,0.0,0.20819147783674696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670954699807633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043178953674086,0.0,0.10949821079955284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938845163649655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217032983922944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381293388868009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158445261764461,0.19947603325440355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657526119572302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793844599471876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829987494391688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289994074389569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525543400358471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrazyAnonymous,2019/02/22,Is 2500mg of antidepressants enough to kill me? I only have 2300mg of zoloft and 260 mg of prozac at the moment. Is it enough to kill me or would I end up alive with permanent brain damage? ,2.7814166666666686,3.8825949750000044,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,74.25,7.333333333333335,18.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.10908333333333342,149,2,35,2,3,48,30,40,0.272,0.6729999999999999,0.055,-0.9074,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,4,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,8,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185573412124374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252745218300822,0.5897085574421479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6314195132070437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170299611273167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027123246862141,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Namesaretoohard44,2019/02/22,"Every waking moment I feel empty What do I do? I want to ask for help, but don't want to be misunderstood 

I can't find work, and just feel like a burden for my family. I am a believer in the afterlife and Christianity, but it isn't even the thought of hell stopping me, I'm just a coward. 

I haven't even ate in 2 days because if I'm not putting food on the table I don't think I have a right to the food my family is working for.

I was an addict, and that enabled me to burn every bridge of friendship or networking I had. 

What am I even striving for? I don't want anything but to see my family happy, and I don't even have kids so me leaving this earth is the best option. I have one ""friend"" but I doubt he truly even likes me from some remarks I've heard him say, and I miss my sister since she moved states.

I'm drowning in debt, and cant find work and it's fucking killing me inside I haven't worked in months. Even if that situation gets fixed, I haven't been happy with anything in my life for like 4 years.

I wish I wasn't so fucking scared to end it, and I want to talk to my sister about this but she's just going to tell me to find a job so I can visit her, plus that's just more burden on her.

My anxiety is so bad that I'll often drive to an interview or to visit someone and can't even get out of the car because I'm worried about being told no.

It's gotten to a point where I don't want to speak to anyone about anything, and when I do finally get excited about something people just shit on it.

I don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just spiraling. The other day I hyperventilated for about 15 minutes, and that had never happened to me before, but now it's happened twice since then


I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM!!!!!! It's not even that I neccesarily want to die, I nust don't want to be alive. I look forward every night to sleeping because when I dream I'm okay, but even then I cant fall asleep for hours. I've been prescribed all kinds of things to help with sleep and my depression and anxiety but none of then did it for me.

Part of me wants to disappear if I can't kill myself, but again, I'm too much of a coward to up and dissapear. 

What am I even writing here?  ",3.4399999999999977,3.562015537154992,5.013679405520172,87.08039171974525,71.97239915074309,7.978513800424628,25.89108280254777,7.793537801064563,1.1719508280254778,1702,48,392,20,30,578,201,471,0.155,0.695,0.15,-0.8533,2,1,1,0,0,3,46.0,0,0,0,6,33,25,7,2,16,1,39,13,5,0,2,66,80,38,4,13,22,2,2,3,1,0,2,4,0,1,22,18,3,1,8,1,1,10,22,15,0,2,12,9,57,10,58,65,7,42,2,2,3,3,23,14,5,9,22,264,79,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767850644522899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901981440491984,0.0,0.0,0.049823177655510364,0.0,0.17591046893556309,0.0,0.06661383956576909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059494978403432784,0.130309225014238,0.0,0.060632787116545885,0.08028002447681437,0.07477776377869101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190720636345133,0.0,0.061371857753582934,0.0,0.07395147723631225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311081192893041,0.0,0.0,0.4706327899334047,0.0,0.18010632209929306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151871809138025,0.0,0.07205737394998768,0.05090461167200143,0.0,0.0780564085841385,0.19537743494118015,0.0,0.17232374377947146,0.0,0.055051463750891344,0.1976223966790604,0.1116834454778229,0.0,0.04049587880595683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260211853202055,0.1517046207621642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552149674561072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017185683477083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070962800332231,0.0,0.1576662791651197,0.074201154559916,0.03915990408707788,0.0,0.0,0.07544879428832932,0.0,0.0,0.05032953890794312,0.1044348334938276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196725677339588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056875089605385565,0.07573282620942877,0.0523806498774643,0.0,0.05495627619041247,0.0,0.0,0.06686802396464878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828425621920837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771622598051997,0.0,0.0493992698412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735904030744869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716309915536105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085141107380965,0.0,0.056664864278984005,0.07133872117977202,0.0,0.056781037954796484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314227008380035,0.11788580355955583,0.08009364548639945,0.1426129902744956,0.0,0.06037416043484115,0.05485560761303256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957240035314895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057272098524676976,0.06228004180958981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733867947089017,0.04565734966197845,0.0,0.05656853900383446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680872400858509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378252595375098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193977439987317,0.0,0.0,0.20749805824858825,0.07236294745628412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045885906740032366
suicidewatch,Maleficent_Mirror,2019/02/22,"Before you ""do it,"" remember, there is no ""me"" (no Self) There is no ""me"" in Buddhism.

If ""you"" let go of life, you will still be around, albeit in a next life.",0.05545454545454477,1.4653012121212152,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,82.33333333333334,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.537012121212121,112,2,29,1,3,38,24,33,0.128,0.872,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963890128538085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833091627255865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892186400123716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404558042594545,0.4703336332194815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540876479654689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771584401635478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473311707459704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26588795169331386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Paraplegic-cat,2019/02/22,"A random, slightly drunken thought Honestly, sometimes life feeds you shit; that’s what my brothers told me after he almost died not on his time.  You feel anxious and you wonder if people care about you and things get so confusing, but at the end of every single dark night, the sun rises.

I searched for suicide to see if anyone could relate as I sit at the college bar and it doesn’t seem like anyone is on the same level, but that isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that someone else at the bar feels differently than me, it means that someone is finding meaning for life.

This isn’t the right place I don’t think, put it away if that’s what needs to happen, but realize one thing right here right now. The sun will rise and you will feel its warmth, and when the time comes, the warm radiation will motivate to you strive for success, and that’s all I ask. You wait one more day. You reach out to friends one more time. You are not alone.",5.62709956709957,5.529934153439154,5.345829725829726,87.3383116883117,67.25396825396825,8.142568542568544,28.292929292929287,7.348242739294969,1.3195460317460328,741,21,158,6,11,228,115,189,0.09,0.7659999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.8786,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,9,0,2,5,9,1,1,11,0,12,6,1,1,1,37,31,15,2,5,8,1,4,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,17,8,3,1,13,2,0,4,7,3,0,3,2,5,17,6,19,25,5,26,0,0,1,0,15,12,1,8,10,102,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241129789776567,0.1283696042493732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002253130560546,0.0,0.1733304032633343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587181125506575,0.0,0.1164503749583162,0.0,0.10348886887657044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637015266589474,0.0,0.0,0.10676761280555573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895996933259853,0.0,0.0,0.07993424893495145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863530563943906,0.1294961084420905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354011427332573,0.0,0.1097784504789421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442897900382377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880108958204952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328345287093915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575957276506117,0.0,0.06475612875181824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960412351809708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509198901942447,0.060553249364462824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40503720890994543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190362130072713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631395371199305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519649487115741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592783284214163,0.0,0.1294961084420905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459892399864456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175449695368786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876809016944617,0.1128348414007344,0.0,0.0,0.1272277257873644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100363338366653,0.0,0.12258473998857895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355756750031023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470305826148656,0.07941892911331129,0.0,0.09839845769519942,0.2168199180911705,0.0,0.0,0.11843472592983803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441302777601724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Orixea,2019/02/22,"It's gonna happen guys So I've been missing school because I didn't like it(I'm 18 btw, just celebrated my birthday on 19) I know that's stupid and I am also stupid. My uncle from my mom's side killed himself a month ago and my mom is devastated and the worst thing is that I don't want to do this to her but I just can't deal with this shit. The only thing my parents think about is how they are gonna be embraced when other people will know about me failing. They don't care if i have any kind of mental illness. 

I was thinking about stealing some money from my house, buying some weed and then kill myself while I was high.

Train seems the least painful death.",3.3434532374100705,4.320986115107917,3.838194244604317,92.30203956834535,72.74100719424459,6.135539568345324,23.25251798561151,5.6839178017228535,0.18807280575539576,526,13,117,2,10,165,96,139,0.319,0.6459999999999999,0.034,-0.9929,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,1,9,13,5,0,4,0,16,3,1,1,0,18,27,12,3,2,4,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,5,0,2,0,4,10,0,0,4,0,20,3,10,19,4,8,0,2,0,0,9,3,1,4,6,76,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378568490130104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873742537120434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797705312665716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575601475635348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688147484826644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885739431937406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717793240547673,0.15341390833473922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832984535973535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018061017674016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838751403243448,0.1806599278536004,0.19068774573885586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475694480451235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483400843974492,0.0,0.0,0.40637156238011296,0.13847560251207566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319446184980626,0.18460231212421216,0.0,0.19263669126559108,0.0,0.0,0.1202739846632732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557802269337452,0.0,0.1579359741219857,0.0,0.0,0.17808182790091195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305139985656152,0.22232682347979285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023270789251415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Asian_Oswald,2019/02/22,"Serious Question. No, I'm not sexist nor do I promote hate but...

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Why are women such f\*\*king As\*holes? What is wrong with you?????

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Like what kind of psychopath would talk to an individual for THREE MONTHS and then all of a sudden throw that person away like trash? Here's what I'm talking about:

[https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/4ovljw/been\_ghosted\_by\_a\_woman\_2\_times\_in\_a\_row\_im\_going/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/4ovljw/been_ghosted_by_a_woman_2_times_in_a_row_im_going/)

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I mean...do you realize that your simple ""girly girly"" actions cause SUICIDE to some people?? Seesh!

So if you're a woman, please explain. If a man did this to a woman, you would see feminist rants, and rants on how men are so ruthless and you'll get so much attention.

​

I'm sorry if this sounds sexist but I'm genuinely confused. I just don't understand women, it's like the word BITCH is no different from a normal female!",9.632981744421908,14.184667137931035,5.55853955375254,70.40247464503045,67.27586206896552,5.894523326572008,25.081135902636923,7.285733465282438,1.4633245436105482,825,24,108,9,17,219,97,145,0.185,0.745,0.07,-0.9447,1,0,0,0,0,3,88.0,0,5,0,1,8,9,2,1,7,0,10,0,0,2,1,25,19,14,1,6,7,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,0,7,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,2,8,4,11,15,3,7,0,0,1,0,16,2,1,6,6,67,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534586708851452,0.5085391150122164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983016872457984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107482036354594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931425473021453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054663943487416766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032987379537395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895422420603294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334823738110706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139708396457254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351327282380239,0.0,0.07691380416727331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251347263361274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253605626242962,0.09135735426289937,0.0,0.11485040181925872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720758794616914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337517086722225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171227624783626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444632623178352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681924520020495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892170062261412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944107238733265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864981709387248,0.11439456913990885,0.5085391150122164,0.0
suicidewatch,hopeless-person,2019/02/22,"I want to die I want to die. Nobody knows the mental pull, that being alive is, exempt me. I don’t know why I want to die, but, I just do. There’s nothing sad about life or really depressing. Nobody bully’s me, I’m not small or ugly. I just find everything boring. You will die at one point or another. If you discover something, then great. Somebody else would of found it out soon after anyway. If you search how to kill your self nothing comes up. Just google telling you to call the suicide prevention thing. The only exiting things in life, are rollercoasters. They aren’t fun, they just make you feel like your going to die. I mean; I don’t have friends because I’m just a bummer. So why not pull the trigger? Because I don’t have access to any guns. So, what’s life worth living if you have no one to live it with ",1.0407102092580836,3.411163578313257,2.389657577679138,93.49120164870008,84.90361445783131,5.422447685478756,18.977805960684844,6.8360192770164,0.18724578313252985,638,17,135,8,19,205,101,166,0.218,0.616,0.16699999999999998,-0.9456,1,0,1,1,0,4,26.0,0,8,2,0,12,8,1,0,5,0,13,3,0,3,0,31,26,11,7,7,14,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,6,0,1,4,7,4,0,2,1,1,21,4,16,22,0,14,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,6,4,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037964413439595,0.12394237520595296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441065123412018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069480123985762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181831562187292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180496863291356,0.0,0.6133615712456466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987404303382317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062299977305596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059765167319872664,0.08444167382624491,0.0,0.0,0.10803210876462203,0.0,0.0,0.12959953943660232,0.0913205619888258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717544201050388,0.0,0.0,0.13031525400407631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077012161927035,0.0,0.12991859634622585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25046319196030953,0.05774625557049104,0.0,0.20874446858117668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889901625782876,0.0,0.0,0.12875379618630736,0.0,0.0,0.11911719278061328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268310212187247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018994274531614,0.089895968743489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173663689922483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572156127637591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330775085034355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099567157975044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929095729857915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331148404109823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705285631103996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091512028314089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133131446109152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396546130891895,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2mousers,2019/02/22,"Depressed living in LA, so lonely and no job :-( Hey everyone, I moved out to LA several months ago. I still can’t find a job. It’s really really hard on me. Just sad because I’m almost 29 years old and I have nothing to show for it. I’m trying the Keto diet because I heard it’s supposed to help depression and anxiety. Trying to let it together. My birthday is coming up and I don’t want to cry again. Been really depressed, at times thinking negative thoughts and point of life. Even suicidal thoughts.",1.7670545454545492,4.228805160000004,4.003454545454549,82.5517272727273,82.4,7.636363636363638,26.09090909090909,8.575989854853784,2.3651000000000004,396,17,74,10,11,136,72,100,0.318,0.647,0.035,-0.986,2,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,14,14,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,1,0,4,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,2,7,0,12,9,0,15,0,5,0,0,3,6,0,1,7,43,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095489160479446,0.0,0.15922794169717225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164404495075645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938649570160445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697509613406156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466764640585025,0.0,0.0,0.410871421715686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502618549931307,0.0,0.0,0.15194315526558858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533444590219294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424438703744593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065826547890567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31559052688679834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260094464928473,0.11231515530799492,0.0,0.0,0.14041085573221698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269221745478151,0.16900500823549078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257667909675954,0.0,0.16685675706140088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031810816638724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30560223095140315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963874233518431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698750197617056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739337485311266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188872041160753,0.0,0.2524761554197077,0.0927214047528466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159179531855035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378962890717367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239876728021326
suicidewatch,ShamalamanPanda,2019/02/23,"I feel like I’m doomed to live an increasingly painful life... or I kill myself I’m 20. I’m a recovering heroin and benzo addict. I relapsed for one day on Friday and got arrested for DUI / possession of a controlled substance (schedule 4). I KNEW I was going to fuck up (check my post history). I am a traveling insurance salesman, and I love the job... but I need a driver’s license to do my job. I’m looking at a year’s suspension of my driving privileges because I refused a blood test. I’ve been on one antidepressant or another since I was 11, and none of them have ever really helped. My only escape from that deep depression has ever been through hard drugs.

The only good thing going on my life is my job. I make good money, really like the job and am quite good at it. I’m single and have few friends. When women ask me about myself, the only way I can really describe myself is ‘heroin and pill addict’. I want to reinvent myself but I don’t know how. I am in AA. I have some friends there, but that’s about it. I feel like an alien around regular teenage / college-aged men and women. 

I hope that I can get another insurance gig lined up before I lose my driver’s license, and if I get convicted of a felony, I’ll never have a chance to get into the career that I want to. My lawyer is probably gonna recommend that I go to rehab (even though I’ve been to inpatient rehab 7 times). That means that I’ll probably have to quit my job in 2 weeks. I am seriously considering killing myself because of how badly I’ve ran my life into the ground. What the fuck do I do",2.488743509865003,4.149230003115267,4.632959501557632,83.02198338525444,76.07165109034267,7.870820353063344,25.28452751817238,8.626192665926032,1.8308907580477682,1225,43,248,25,27,424,162,321,0.152,0.7140000000000001,0.134,-0.7998,5,0,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,1,4,11,21,4,0,17,0,24,14,1,4,3,36,53,19,2,5,6,0,3,3,2,1,10,0,0,3,11,12,0,2,5,1,2,7,3,10,1,2,8,4,42,11,32,44,5,32,1,3,1,3,10,14,2,5,12,156,53,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034079281228746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565327393844187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830512217306988,0.08721706756769708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789638887618393,0.11374201474094554,0.0,0.07938611443558094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463687961007227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601667542331439,0.0,0.08035377482128983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819113745688218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161964556729816,0.1687790858550843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434425178782786,0.1332981549973825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415704799365536,0.17249714710339706,0.14622640991614533,0.0,0.15906297344766926,0.2347511272116764,0.07461553874008138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357288007728084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625328376966173,0.0,0.0,0.09266174957841272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628982838591376,0.0,0.20643143546041695,0.0,0.051271808125323684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976884153893209,0.1367358493164076,0.0,0.0823800952389805,0.0,0.07834325790324216,0.10437184867410372,0.0,0.0,0.08420125667984482,0.0,0.062274306167343474,0.0,0.0,0.10162424963211444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917613750817357,0.07195389554201996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643652624073368,0.212862314877842,0.09927113344436678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934962889721547,0.0,0.20117289500454474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19845878524635613,0.0,0.0,0.1792991058970167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717355853789792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198022562416326,0.0,0.09166064100217307,0.0,0.054400339022212425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005414818547822,0.07405224056960212,0.07483462318925609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060078119721640816
suicidewatch,Dabbingpotatoes,2019/02/23,"What is your “safe spot”? Ya I know it sounds straight out of therapy.  But I wonder if I’m the only one who has one, which is in my room bc no one usually comes in it.  In other words, is there a place where you feel calm or less anxious or where u can cry alone?

P.S.— I’m new to this subreddit so please be kind.",-0.939673913043478,0.9647966811594236,1.2838949275362346,101.2197554347826,89.43478260869566,5.189130434782608,15.871376811594205,6.6274283507984215,-0.5900014492753622,237,5,62,3,8,79,56,69,0.117,0.7,0.183,0.7276,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,12,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,6,3,6,11,1,12,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,4,2,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470377352594861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694629248201189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546631284543346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620061477837915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060431849421265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483848407629609,0.13108591906218278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303668524235485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484887763411359,0.18140737375766516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492056086135909,0.2618264594633227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27277166356261234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626992182422149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586678533857039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,letter-box,2019/02/23,"death i don't believe things are going to get better.

i've been in this spot before, so many times, asking myself, ""where could i possibly go from here?"" no friends, no passions, passing through the day silently, floating ... i feel like no one

there's nothing i want to be but less alone, yet i've never had a conversation that didn't make me feel worse

everything just feels so empty. like i live in a separate world, and i'm only looking through a window at something unobtainable.

and i'd like to humor possibility, but... i have, so many times before, and it hasn't taking me anywhere! how could it be that i always end up lower than before?

it just doesn't make sense...

i'm just a mess, in so many ways, and even when i wake up at 6 and go to sleep at 10, even when i eat healthy, even when i practice mindfulness, even when i'm in front of my therapist, my psychiatrist, and i'm hopped up on meds, the infinite anxiety still towers over me and all i can do is tremble, sleep, alone

the only times i feel like i'm being true to myself, when i believe what i'm saying, is when i say ""i want it to be over, i want to be gone""

i think back to that kid trading paper swans for yugioh cards on the playground, and i wonder, how did he become me?

how does this end any other way?",4.464942748091605,4.497885904580159,5.5687690839694675,84.30292461832063,69.72519083969465,8.2293893129771,27.443702290076338,7.8658589789855275,1.4649610687022898,985,29,212,11,16,328,140,262,0.131,0.769,0.1,-0.6059,2,2,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,1,26,11,0,1,8,0,20,5,3,5,3,33,45,23,1,5,5,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,1,1,12,8,1,0,6,0,1,6,8,2,0,2,5,7,26,9,28,33,2,41,0,0,1,1,7,16,0,1,21,138,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127396851456784,0.0,0.0,0.08486875326373533,0.0,0.0,0.06936070447441013,0.0,0.07802657857196844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953523910351552,0.0,0.0,0.07842854548621013,0.0,0.0,0.11264644983358188,0.2603729764434328,0.2298288864933905,0.0,0.09020707829004718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287084132753418,0.0,0.0,0.06577891273977741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925729284721268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043672613092486,0.0,0.0,0.18067617350451795,0.0,0.0,0.2694693001467912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166733142767944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628875148570044,0.1457317719345417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880177351809818,0.0,0.053288644095448916,0.0,0.1738998485775064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932016421628507,0.0,0.09006424171098748,0.0,0.0856508613610478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616610048262606,0.3102234782583341,0.0,0.0,0.11329444321696452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298677564397768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866552012769717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786780967874494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691150564187183,0.15514494468357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997008721291026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222245503050664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413910538695865,0.0,0.0,0.0785214210993593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145405148778766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668821759932876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184250925017069,0.06776153882466987,0.06535484948738694,0.0,0.0,0.17842387540253246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047946002101048,0.1619191838648177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061019454080252,0.0,0.0,0.1039425281897308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tegs94,2019/02/23,Not human I don't  feel happy anymore and im just  holding my  sadness inside maybe I should just  end it besides only in death i can be free ,0.8399999999999999,2.7999216666666698,3.256666666666668,89.525,82.33333333333334,4.0,23.333333333333336,3.1291,0.12833333333333385,110,4,22,0,3,38,26,30,0.287,0.616,0.097,-0.7578,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078970740293221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642879278330653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079646152460629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437834344473204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44427239414766495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132041000094281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31281064523507845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Avallach98,2019/02/23,She ghosted me I don't even understand what happened. She seemed fine all day today. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until about an hour ago she just randomly blocks me. I loved her. I trusted her. She promised me she wouldn't.... I told her what would happen if she did betray me... I told her what I can't live through another heartbreak.... and then she breaks my heart....,0.7036107554417406,3.2174700140845083,1.5526248399487876,95.42729833546736,95.33802816901407,4.835339308578745,21.94750320102433,6.574015621080383,0.6325098591549296,285,11,58,4,11,88,48,71,0.083,0.763,0.154,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,11,12,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,22,4,5,7,1,8,0,1,0,1,14,1,0,3,6,43,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105662759840541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490830556037065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319466614051055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689397160764162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201144649183376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28148791301409626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339306046960284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097535648650136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439054790451906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279275501094135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624893068639006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251616404291747,0.4539623137768943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728915949470684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687427212303078,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmBadHelp,2019/02/23,"I dont know why i continue to live and what to do in life now I have been sick for 4-5 years now with CFS, chronic migraines and a form of skoliosis being depressed/suicidal through out it because the pain, somone really close to me told me that i was faking + playing the victim + manipulater and i pretty much need to grow up on 2 sepret occasions also that they have secret meeting with other people really close to me saying they agree, some teachers belittling me saying i need to get my act to together ur nothing special u have no reason to go home and stuff like u have no right to be late it was arranged that i could aswell as being called a cripple every day for those 4-5 years also due to me being sick i missed a shit tone of school and only passed 1 gcse i was only doing 4 all mine was cut even mandatory shit like science. I was going to start cutting but didnt cause a friend stopped me who did and heavily regretted it but still constantly think about doing it and killing myself i wrote a suicide note a while back but didnt go through with it cause a family emergency came up and didnt want to leave it in a even worse state that family emergency still isnt over being the main reason i havnt gone through with it. I have had a break down at least every month since they said i was faking + everthing else they said what happened during the first year then again in the second year the break down being about life and them lasting 30mins to 3 hours of me balling my eyes out usually in my room or in the bath room but it has happened afew times in school when i still went there what was weird to my friends cause i acted like nothing was ever wrong all the time and havnt told anyone irl about my depression due to me having really bad paranoia that they say am playing the victim or that they will use it against me in some way. I tried to go on a self help site during year 1 or 2 and it was helping but then got banned for saying PISS i made a new account then it instantly got banned after 30mins. So pretty much due to the depression getting even more worse through out the years and not knowing what to do now with my life or were its heading with the only way out being to take some sleeping pills and kill myself. ",6.5071710526315805,5.6584927434210535,6.544122807017548,81.9855263157895,65.64473684210526,9.617543859649123,30.62280701754386,8.72156446121922,2.1534885964912283,1785,53,367,23,24,569,222,456,0.203,0.718,0.079,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,7,1,20,27,9,0,23,0,39,15,6,7,3,62,68,31,3,5,10,0,0,3,2,1,9,6,4,1,26,26,0,3,6,4,1,11,8,19,0,2,27,7,43,8,60,32,11,79,0,4,1,0,26,25,3,7,41,250,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173196720114775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053218619689242894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058524703639219675,0.06354955219765733,0.04639659300725555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771789741130551,0.08705077129747242,0.0,0.23456105932025195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224901206846752,0.0,0.06076848461916388,0.0,0.0,0.049085334299390326,0.0,0.13110868118420846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920159022299287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358102052899907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081190305000414,0.06884680715732054,0.12825369383574398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350145886614013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474002494331972,0.0,0.0,0.11760642538506574,0.0,0.07952977028167257,0.0,0.17302266732620047,0.0,0.12174592795196645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460951007009628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811190100279508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203127232471253,0.0,0.07634559440195064,0.0,0.07495405828184153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841121228201106,0.0,0.08365729127463371,0.06204066865544448,0.08585658578993953,0.0805906182260223,0.0,0.0,0.16127846815369934,0.11155205162637244,0.0,0.06720745644267202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201812102064382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075111837363641,0.0,0.1119007665138698,0.11287076653567613,0.0,0.07350853169849399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606122099447028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736576622537047,0.08098752930088902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052765822621427184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486461176290328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627607330176856,0.15650968270436186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499842554969383,0.1447980861102836,0.2421062648919416,0.0,0.15405690312160292,0.0,0.0,0.0794004301109956,0.0,0.1562538094904973,0.06295985163546604,0.0,0.07616602201329759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053871796837975036,0.0,0.1823471617629844,0.06363225044155563,0.0,0.0,0.08712894915904329,0.1665062828277343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572260416127422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876889114700776,0.0,0.0,0.08876193708433443,0.0,0.0,0.14545475043253567,0.0,0.051674410636670005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573551476523437,0.08382557476551898,0.0,0.0448922725147024,0.1208268263863055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705557109903764,0.06867838928873171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512733584699268,0.0,0.08321549109663212,0.0,0.2940781461325083
suicidewatch,RuthlessGris,2019/02/23,I need to find a way out of this hole. I’ve been falling into a worse and worse state of depression. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t go more then two days or so with out having anxiety induced panic attacks. I haven’t been sleeping well at night because of it and my work hours are crazy and unpredictable because I work in a kitchen. I’ve been thinking of suicide almost everyday because I can’t think of a way out. ,5.40715909090909,5.035257215909095,6.024000000000001,83.221,67.75,8.85818181818182,33.50909090909091,8.238735603445708,2.4095381818181814,337,14,70,4,5,110,58,88,0.28800000000000003,0.6890000000000001,0.023,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,1,5,0,8,2,1,1,0,15,13,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,8,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,4,0,6,1,14,9,1,18,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,2,5,46,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056884891054496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558729690280187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650609215001546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34803522524554475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273476902689565,0.0,0.16391447600637604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394069010391935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815805481313784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741787464946646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411131008719333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859386225125815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328880463829373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799052888478551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044831318619826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081692063024491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438870459399177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590606962052486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30211982541107435,0.0,0.0,0.1711123301988642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770971641979681,0.0,0.3878860764970852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnotherStarLight,2019/02/23,Decided I would kill myself on the 1st of march of this year but the closer i get to this date i feel more and more empty. exactly what the title says everything i do seems so fake. everything i do seems like a way to pass time and thats it.  i feel numb and tired.  bursts of happiness and bursts of sadness. wanna die but im too much of a coward to. i wanna live but it seems very lonely. whats the point of living as aimlessly like this.  i feel empty and sad. ,-0.18880952380952465,1.9957209693877545,2.164387755102041,94.09073129251705,89.3061224489796,5.715646258503401,15.309523809523812,7.1686216300943375,-0.10116598639455754,357,7,81,6,12,121,57,98,0.34,0.569,0.091,-0.9861,0,2,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,19,10,10,2,3,3,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,9,3,13,9,3,9,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,3,6,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649900678830806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34032273986104145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28719917996432626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891930461808457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154977573811567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045134250828004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947023925535227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849982522103732,0.0,0.33437113337124097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918242150805635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898201649619025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056615454798833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170882322581294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110402294157763,0.21761180983188888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622054304822638,0.0,0.15028467456918712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344975828712043,0.0,0.0,0.12192501674016484
suicidewatch,FoxxyMika,2019/02/23,"Long-term long-distance girlfriend left me. feel empty, sad, don't know how to handle it... been feeling very suicidal since it all started, she met someone a bit closer (still long distance tho...) and immediately started lying and hiding the fact that they were closer than i was being told.

eventually it ended and two days after she says she's ""in a relationship and happy"", that fucking destroyed me, i got a suicide method ready but then i thought about all the people who care about me and need me... i wish i didn't have that, i wish i could just go in peace

the pain is so damn bad, knowing all that time was fucking wasted on someone who was just planning to leave me for someone remotely in the same country as her, and seemingly had no real feelings... My favourite game was one she got me into, that's now ruined for me... don't have much of anything to do all day

i was just a way for her to not be alone

fuck this life, fuck everything, fuck long distance",7.885079365079367,6.278571582010581,7.646560846560849,77.64380952380955,63.33862433862434,9.881481481481481,35.81481481481483,8.167268648758528,2.7137132275132267,755,28,148,7,9,241,117,189,0.185,0.6659999999999999,0.149,-0.7144,0,1,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,1,1,10,13,7,0,8,0,18,7,0,1,5,31,41,12,2,4,5,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,11,0,2,14,4,23,2,18,24,7,22,0,2,0,5,15,8,6,1,12,104,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308714720708785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985346031642104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116847416780033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920639594961918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132573120151207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717874207810461,0.0,0.0,0.14083608388531738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670927835347552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813226945209867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562811715837014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047185731777699,0.0,0.0,0.062054774703645024,0.0,0.17465725726912198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623400134130732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001512732611748,0.0,0.0,0.1156156643410152,0.11863445425525153,0.0,0.0771236059065678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865162487787045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026667213599087,0.0809624553388037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398947077487064,0.0,0.11618507475894155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756980870870976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428128641298199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722840603713786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683168485598422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940180461088836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032248708194868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27754712584392804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545694453713859,0.0,0.087198686861207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388706642265899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668407864458892,0.06366913761239197,0.0,0.0,0.10433502045889567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066620446001263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009257759632107,0.0,0.08666935500910787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511245286966671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Styles_m4,2019/02/23,"I want to end it, no matter what efforts I make, I just want to end it No matter what efforts I put in like keeping myself busy, exercising, getting a job (which I was fired from) and trying to get help (my country's mental health services are a joke). On a quiet day or when trying to sleep, the dark thoughts become more intense.  


My family doesn't understand and can't help. My parents are the worst. On the night I tried to kill myself, a nurse gave me a phone to call them, the first thing my Dad asked was if I got a student loan?  


I realised that I didn't have any real friends, they went quite. I was at the hospital again and I was crying because they didn't speak to me. They were more upset that after a few months of no contact I decided to purge them from my social media. I tried to repair some friendships but it wasn't the same, they moved on with their new friends within my old circle and becoming social media narcissists.   


No matter how hard I try, I realise I'm truly alone and I want it to stop.  


I'm done with crap life",3.5812676056338053,4.475581492957751,4.573352112676059,87.56566197183098,72.09859154929578,6.994553990610328,24.998122065727703,7.03164865440522,0.9258127699530516,810,23,170,7,15,264,125,213,0.141,0.737,0.122,-0.7906,2,1,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,7,4,4,8,2,1,13,0,14,5,2,2,0,27,29,10,1,4,4,2,2,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,10,7,0,2,3,2,1,3,9,4,0,1,13,4,33,4,22,16,6,21,0,0,0,0,21,6,1,3,13,115,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148457628167204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633210141823272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868351620268072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738910872550565,0.2804182802100745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963276876258262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945143760470138,0.08187390553287544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991655674660127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248845921195196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196795851014719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798579172498768,0.0,0.0,0.19616648230010394,0.0,0.13265495676116482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153556807165684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372456725924468,0.0,0.0,0.1349446460109253,0.0,0.0,0.17018726409725926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598083724827458,0.11284127789511444,0.1404542098150248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967035507023699,0.062022613388275666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474182669906709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793833163277873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133233067950033,0.13493049139777158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226115838069708,0.0,0.11913638753421718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321536715623494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409658058619202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276223980194597,0.0,0.13502968576688282,0.0,0.14449981883288565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704425425924198,0.2588243164882224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613803360733973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434164685027394,0.0,0.0,0.10078616034127487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309623103642876,0.0,0.0,0.13216210324975428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246397461575705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768630485832685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hahahakms,2019/02/23,Living for death will it ever go away? I posted in another related forum today but wanted more advice I guess. I’ve been ignoring my feelings because I’m really emotional and cry when I think about how miserable I am. It’s so painful that other people are happy or at least content or feel they have a purpose like friends family work or academics. I love my family but it hurts to be here just to not hurt them. I’ve come to terms with a lot about myself. I’m not smart enough for my school and everyone was right that me getting accepted was affirmative action (my depression has ruined my entire academic career). I’m not good enough to be loved romantically. My friend group would be unaffected by my absence. If I manage to graduate I’ll never get a job since I’ve never had an internship due to my low GPA. It sucks to feel like I let my depression destroy my life in 3-4 years. But I guess not everyone is meant to be happy. My life feel like a big joke. Like I was made as an example for people to say at least I’m not that bitch. I’m just living for death I guess? I don’t know if that’s normal or if this feeling goes away. Has anyone overcome this and felt like a functioning member of society with something to live for? Or are some of us just destined to never be happy?,2.5605797101449284,4.4579750229885065,4.52377477927703,82.84109445277363,76.5478927203065,7.910777944361152,23.991504247876065,8.716276077567194,1.7750001999000498,1015,33,201,22,23,347,148,261,0.182,0.597,0.221,0.9154,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,1,10,28,3,1,7,0,21,5,0,2,4,50,47,18,2,6,19,0,6,5,2,2,3,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,10,1,0,3,9,12,0,0,8,7,27,16,30,31,8,22,0,7,0,2,9,9,2,13,14,133,38,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509714516870353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102045466037721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804638002448146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828652404706697,0.0,0.0,0.059323601740295814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083830065799084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689826621360876,0.0,0.0,0.16763815364742599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946864053562948,0.0,0.20110916046565686,0.0,0.0,0.08802888971293933,0.0,0.1859813216143795,0.0,0.0,0.18348380437320172,0.0,0.2460322525627157,0.13904671335022992,0.09343967869011297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503739022508056,0.0,0.10168833771801633,0.0,0.055307551391209166,0.081624967464069,0.0,0.0,0.3216172764114772,0.0,0.0,0.31078759208899137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083599395879969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965722068506331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348293385973619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995133296026443,0.13747589343523345,0.23772110030295246,0.0,0.25779835036765714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273551950599421,0.17566496702855966,0.09208379436061137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517084399390444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535009698132246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355225724063724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493484947065507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320288219641522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234382709474249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310827285213179,0.0,0.07739046504467506,0.0,0.09849010211482667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805017119137695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491945913043183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062356869075892975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224523312404308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706049062884033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740014779668332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084800885017335,0.0,0.0,0.06913127666065037,0.0,0.0,0.06266902262615577
suicidewatch,freakingunbelievable,2019/02/23,"I'm giving up. I'm thinking of either killing myself or going back in the closet. I know with my body I'll never pass as a guy, and in Mississippi it's nearly impossible to get testosterone. 

I know that I'd make a pretty girl. I could stay a girl and suppress the dysphoria for the rest of my life, or I could take a rope and hope to be reborn as a real boy next time. I can't keep living as an in between freak. ",2.8689999999999998,3.1981792333333345,5.075555555555557,85.39000000000001,73.33333333333334,7.333333333333332,23.88888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.8148888888888891,321,8,72,3,6,113,62,90,0.086,0.8140000000000001,0.1,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,9,0,4,2,1,1,1,18,16,8,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,15,13,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,4,47,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497169151575356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527564453237661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633598765475416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888533872658752,0.21828642927484285,0.12932175171385651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253100015177485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260082188698698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225664946775684,0.25175005468506995,0.0,0.2501107541216064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072509910733154,0.0,0.0,0.2009305746977798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518912073457888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550037470897456,0.0,0.24200171236903434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23149987433620214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25900140224398044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24253772872820095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108907311104005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580467472237135,0.0,0.0,0.13268607364167054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Glitchy1011,2019/02/23,"I've written my suicide note... I don't know where to go from here. (I don't know why, but I feel like I need to share this with someone. I'm not planning anything as of yet... just needed to share)

​

I’m only sending this letter to the people I hold most dear.

​

Which is why I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the pain you’ll go through. The anger, the resentment, the sadness and maybe even the depression that’ll follow. I thought it better just telling you outright than having you finding out some other way, ripping the Band-Aid off and all that. I can’t say anything that will make you feel better, since you know… I’m dead, but I can at least provide an explanation and maybe even provide some insight to the “why”.

​

Honestly… It’s a plethora of things stacking on top of each other over the years that led me to this. They started out as just small things, insecurities, mistakes, doubts… but over time they grew. Those small problems became huge. I carried this burden and became used to it. Every day I could feel its weight, it brought me down and had no will power to stand back up… because I accepted it. All of it. I became my burden, it was who I was. Those insecurities became me, those mistakes were my every day, and those doubts were the way I constantly thought.

​

I’m sure some of you knew. Hell, I joked and plainly said it, but I would always reassure I wasn’t going to do anything crazy, that I had no intention of ending my life over something so petty… 

​

Yeah no I lied.

​

So why. Why did I do it? Why now? Why not reach out to someone or find help or anything?!

​

The answer is quite simple actually. No one, and nothing could have helped me.

​

This… depression wasn’t just some passing thing. No, it was my way of life, my religion. In a way, I thrived off of it…

​

I always saw myself as a monster. A hideous creature. A malevolent creature. An unholy being. I mean come on. There’s the obvious hideous body I have, the countless times I’ve hurt people, and I’m pretty much the embodiment of someone who doesn’t follow the ten commandments. 

​

To top it off, there’s my awkward way of speech and terrible personality. This burden I carried, I considered my punishment, which is why I accepted it. 

​

Then there’s my actual life. Tell me… Have I achieved anything worthwhile? Don’t kid yourself, I’ve done nothing. I’m poor, I’m fat, I’m the definition of a loser. I hated my life. Always being reminded of my meaningless, idiotic existence every waking day and night. I wanted more out of my life, but hey remember that burden? Yeah, I didn’t deserve anything more than the cards I was dealt with, but dammit I still wanted more anyways. Which is why I dove head first into the wonderful world of fiction.

​

Seriously people undermine the value of fiction. An escape from one’s miserable life one can access from anywhere at any time?! Sign me right up! The games, the books, the movies, the shows, the anime… I loved it all. I spent countless hours imaging myself in these worlds, in my own worlds, in a better life… oh how bittersweet they all were. See there’s this thing about fiction… it’s not real. 

​

I wasted time believing in fantasy, but I didn’t want to face my reality any longer. I hated my reality… I felt alone. Hollow, without meaning, without direction like a little kid lost in a dark forest. I was consistently scared of the future and scared of myself and the evils I was capable of. I hated the countless hours I’d spend watching porn just to get that split second of pleasure… too feel anything good just for it to be taken away of the realization that my pathetic life was not fictional… it was real. I was a monster, a petty child, a dirty hog, a mistake… 

​

Religion didn’t help at all… It would just remind me of the terrible person I was. Why would any deity love me? I didn’t even love me! It made no sense. The creator of the universe would have way more important things to worry about that to care about a meager speck of dust. Not believing in religion also didn’t help, since in that case all of our lives were meaningless. We’d be born, live, die and be forgotten. Time itself would come to an end… nothing we’d have done would have mattered, our existence just as meaningless as oblivion.

​

I’m tired of it. The daily struggle just to get up, to see myself in the mirror… the dark spots under my dead eyes. Do you know how it feels to be bombarded by your brain 24/7? Nothing but negative thoughts, screaming voices and complete internal wars I’d experience on a daily basis? Do you know the amount of times my body and mind would get a violent reaction from just a split second of a memory of a mistake I tried to forget? The dumbing down of your brain from the years upon years of depression and porn? I can’t keep going on like this. There’s nothing else for me…

​

It hurts. Seeing people around you… get into relationships or do something with their lives. It’s hurts seeing people happy, knowing you could never be happy, you could never find someone to love, to fill that hole in your heart, you’re very being… because all you’d do is hurt them like you’ve hurt everybody else… like you hurt yourself…

​

But you know what? I’m fine with it. I can no longer hurt if I’m dead. I think the only regret I’d have would be the fact that all those brilliant ideas for stories, for web comics… they’ll never get written… they’ll never get to see that light of day… but maybe, in another universe… another me surpassed all of this, and he impacted lives with the stories he wrote… and that thought… makes me happy.

​

I don’t want to be buried. I don’t want a service; my life isn’t anything to waste time and money on. Just burn me, spread my ashes… Maybe then I’ll finally be free…

​

Sayonara…

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suicidewatch,greysrays,2019/02/23,Do you guys ever just hang yourself to feel the restriction of your life and relief your urge I’m 18 now and Since I was 15 I’ve been tying nooses around my neck and letting it get to a point I nearly pass out and everything goes black then letting it go and it usually relieves my urge to hang myself. I guess temporarily.. it has been coming back for the past 3 years but it gets me through the extreme urges but I’ll be honest the longer I’ve been doing it the longer I let the noose stay on. ,1.5230769230769212,3.5167805384615427,2.8756153846153865,92.96938461538464,80.15384615384616,5.6984615384615385,20.015384615384615,6.742157984588678,0.15118769230769225,392,10,86,4,10,127,71,104,0.016,0.902,0.083,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,11,2,1,0,1,15,18,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,11,3,10,10,0,18,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,7,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652091800032705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111114061541593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048650539917208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895265920050268,0.0,0.0,0.1883067986525585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594170732719684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893544445692334,0.0,0.11907740471907792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308144766526052,0.20746185295532388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6427579268635204,0.14799310573262955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001451233029813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806804891461927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733205446455216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233248691783644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076125334131906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492668510705252
suicidewatch,theoxygenspeake,2019/02/23,"I don't know anymore This is the first post I've made on reddit I choose here so I could remain anonymous. As well as being on mobile.

I've been dealing with depression for a while now and as well as lacking any confidence to talk to people i know would love to help me since I hate making others worry about me so I just put on a fake smile most of the time and trying my best to just sneak by and lie if anyone asks me whats wrong but at this point i have gotten to the point I have nearly killed myself with a knife while cooking or whenever i see things my first thoughts are how i could end myself with them to be fully honest if it wasn't the fact i fear the pain of killing my self i most likely already have but I also just really dont want people to be sad for me I wish I talk to someone in real life but I have really bad trust issues one of these days I know I won't be scared of death and it will happen ",1.8231,3.058475710000004,3.3859999999999992,93.0505,76.9,6.0,18.5,6.322622252153567,-0.2371500000000002,722,12,166,5,16,239,120,200,0.195,0.655,0.15,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,3,12,18,3,2,8,0,19,4,0,3,1,34,33,20,3,8,9,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,11,2,3,5,1,28,7,29,19,4,18,0,2,1,1,8,8,0,5,9,122,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302616818109515,0.10364784563075387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813820321175575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853677416259654,0.09062525489492687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211664224212708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821765765441796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601609174293613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069636319148403,0.0,0.0,0.08358674010074141,0.1336206401894283,0.11163158421467158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190016009801832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479463347823117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584556063961104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048979461142204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461234087446175,0.0,0.0,0.12796152996353316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687382457187058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352775680345744,0.0,0.0,0.286785135152723,0.0,0.2136882746072593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154629445382297,0.063320151053169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169767032966678,0.12263866693011535,0.08651465931489957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782605271652646,0.0,0.13791254882333912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970838600212352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450437922505752,0.0,0.1241290859697916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029230919004514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752281233901507,0.1660610077877347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297606875959653,0.0,0.1032811691263701,0.0,0.13520989945987402,0.0,0.0,0.10721346468450768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098168349739844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834875539465628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610610754499293,0.0,0.0,0.10289464677869907,0.07557574041009205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799564255590639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644643290663486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330671575098733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490433426861128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316236913574029,0.0,0.09207013754925886,0.141706514296596,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,t1210e,2019/02/23,"Just want to die every day This has been going on for quite some time the emotional and physical pain I feel every day is almost too much. This started about six months ago and it’s just gotten worse every day. The woman I love more than anything in the world decided she didn’t love me anymore mainly because of my own stupidity and bad choices. I didn’t know it at the time but she had started dating a very good friend of me behind my back and at the same time telling me that we were working on things taking it day today we even slept together a few times during this time. Then on New Year’s Eve she asked me to move out
I had to move back into my parents which I absolutely hate and do not get along with at all they just told me I should be happy and let it go I don’t understand it at all. I don’t really have many friends to talk to about this and the ones I do just tell me she’s a bitch and good riddance. Not understanding that I’m still head over heels in love with this person and I would do anything for them. She is now moving on with her life and happy and rarely talks to me at this point I just recently found out about all the truth about a week ago and it’s just made the pain worse
I’m 38 years old I am a diabetic I’m legally blonde I’m in kidney failure and this powder on top of it just makes me think that there’s nothing else for me to go on with why should I stay here anymore why should I deal with all the pain why should I deal with all the medical shit what do I really have to offer the world
I think every day I just wish I would die I wish I would get in a car crash I wish someone would rub my store and shoot me I wish I would have a heart attack or my blood sugar would crash in the middle of the night and I wouldn’t wake up I want to die so fucking bad but I don’t think I can kill myself I don’t think I can do it to my family but every day the pain gets worse and I’m really afraid of how much longer I can actually hold out everyone tells me it will get better with time but in time it’s doing the opposite it is just getting worse it hurts more every day
g",4.071241306808993,3.702027539301312,5.092804463852499,88.76257075853145,70.55021834061134,8.35723758693191,24.16820313763545,7.793537801064563,0.8502903768397209,1655,33,393,18,27,546,199,458,0.18600000000000005,0.685,0.129,-0.989,1,0,0,1,0,4,7.0,2,0,2,4,23,26,7,1,22,0,41,20,8,3,6,86,83,24,4,17,16,1,2,0,2,12,7,0,0,2,25,30,1,1,10,0,1,7,9,15,0,2,11,4,59,11,55,58,14,70,0,1,1,4,28,28,3,3,34,261,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.05810400972986018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556006647850767,0.0,0.05962230866707196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809852991338884,0.0,0.0,0.0979953221778268,0.0,0.055663355705175166,0.06773716233406635,0.0,0.09156762567661014,0.0994294929440991,0.03629600490886869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526597039830099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26879583034984184,0.12276954416559,0.0,0.0,0.18538433195689727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973936411388104,0.06697628258719708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393266632930193,0.0,0.3009981810721362,0.0568945475683094,0.0,0.0,0.05613051862041599,0.0,0.0301060204869207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528428789450515,0.09200338034353753,0.05504524702055311,0.15554013481622322,0.0,0.10151658519897,0.09988133332604772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126766274435596,0.0,0.05878500013951201,0.06110685631152165,0.0,0.0,0.07055707917091761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374051109712517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587395530034389,0.0,0.03272250458446295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088531703735078,0.042055990841727516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121584795619315,0.05633969877236486,0.03974447837053497,0.060365833972720565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998189492146015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752553469527269,0.18984988425828064,0.08753984953288353,0.0,0.0,0.05750564544588505,0.0,0.05587575536118924,0.0,0.0571317682031265,0.0,0.062478890116043975,0.0,0.04034692710117738,0.0,0.2534258289700305,0.0,0.06611389723707478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051989425906587984,0.0,0.0,0.05628605474528855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332981756931008,0.0,0.0,0.11443161513563645,0.0,0.05879014392263244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111859372313851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044940194999365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842876976839632,0.06346342018028549,0.04754999630707474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044767870928936505,0.09571456060608552,0.15612594063839955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955679136915413,0.1526074047889735,0.0,0.0,0.24303428837338525,0.0,0.05643847197524034,0.0568945475683094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396980472624378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912805325633563,0.07023835320447344,0.0,0.04776067764962464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118109066977274,0.0,0.2738795925023204,0.0,0.0,0.043346991780216906,0.0,0.2427118966481725,0.2537798532209093,0.0,0.0,0.076685672688275
suicidewatch,MotherToast,2019/02/23,"1 month I have been thinking of an idea on and off. I do not want to leave the one person in my life responsible for much, so now I begin to plan.  I feel like I have a lot to research. 

I do not know how, but I can figure that out with more research. For now, I want to get the car put under my bf's name, I want to get a letter written, and clean out as much of my crap as possible. As time gets closer, I think I will put in my two weeks at work. I can still pretend to still go, but I don't want to make my boyfriend have to tell them. I also plan to cash out my bank account and leave it behind for him. I wish I could think of a way to do this so my organs could be donated. 

I keep coming back to this idea. Anyways, is there anything else I should consider doing before?",1.890789473684212,2.341330666666668,3.7686695906432734,93.42388157894736,75.66666666666667,6.635672514619883,21.85233918128655,6.42735559955562,0.1352023391812862,588,13,147,4,12,200,100,171,0.064,0.855,0.081,0.5699,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,11,2,1,0,6,0,17,2,1,2,0,33,36,12,0,8,4,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,4,8,0,1,8,1,4,5,3,1,0,2,2,1,27,1,31,29,4,25,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,10,109,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415223558138167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746605717390605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976123874044744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146453501845393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296122001790373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279387586239536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924420184450175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217559869598746,0.10197626203706757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237333696725405,0.0,0.08112464102754285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222809491858443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687732625065629,0.0,0.0,0.07844830771446051,0.0,0.0,0.30229033339073,0.0,0.0,0.10082422946179016,0.06973745335547354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135574892252178,0.0,0.0,0.09528265359745287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393680946535073,0.0,0.20986636385693788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967269526816392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463845702552592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609222859435533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869940669310191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279909065328705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476444971580995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743935588615132,0.0,0.0,0.08323510895020833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944003697979346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367761737992238,0.11330345403364354,0.1145005366944898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641484264588858,0.0,0.0,0.10391925046242473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Existing331,2019/02/23,"Extreme loneliness I can't take it anymore, I am so alone. I have nobody in my life. I feel nothing due to lack of relationships with people. I just want to die. I have no close friends in my life, nor do I have any friends. I can't take it anymore, I just want to die. I tried killing myself when I was 15 three times. Eight years later, I still want to die, almost every day. The suicidal thoughts are out of control. I feel like I am past my expiration date, I just don't want to exist anymore. I regret not killing myself when I was 15, the world would be better off with out me. ",0.6625238397965667,2.790424165289256,2.375537190082646,94.6091799109981,84.20661157024793,5.0453909726637,21.704386522568345,6.297961479604792,0.1992626827717734,448,15,101,4,13,147,68,121,0.26,0.602,0.138,-0.9707,0,1,0,0,0,7,18.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,2,0,2,0,14,2,0,1,0,21,23,4,6,7,4,0,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,3,2,23,4,14,18,1,17,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,11,68,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052366995476168,0.14534312243854636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543155206224953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175191940074185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411352441490996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739588678301975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090503459895512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369318676363556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823697650418875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191360855141816,0.10025423823100063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684253668053408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105163204910445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982433189450538,0.06855983071610915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465372137362366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396414841503088,0.0972895383037322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506655972206138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207046719235426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153502007323986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110265657146413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140907669057744,0.08182955793029813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527719465360084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33108919746753995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968885006426652,0.0,0.0,0.09037013493791007
suicidewatch,zayannah_banana,2019/02/23,"I didn’t think I’d hit this point I really didn’t think I’d been here. I’ve done so good for so long. 

But yesterday was my birthday. And it gets so hard around my birthday. I don’t have my dad. This year I didn’t have anyone. Almost all my friends didn’t say anything. My mom and siblings called, but I just feel so isolated. 

I want to be with my dad. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of this hurt. ",-1.4566666666666668,0.5070454444444472,0.839444444444446,102.4025,94.55555555555556,4.333333333333334,15.277777777777779,5.985473137389443,-0.8738888888888892,310,7,80,3,12,103,53,90,0.221,0.711,0.067,-0.9438,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,1,13,20,8,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,3,12,2,6,10,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505152806286187,0.2224270159176689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016547176843806,0.0,0.17672951826664862,0.19118229632854644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929438977874754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197744621661228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858931588437057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592335966313795,0.0,0.1122034500680298,0.0,0.0,0.18013084227133694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238314369141726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299054601774404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900562043140616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25152479603332284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030180037005039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758101759658264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078609750630894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752195975572927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936709964340373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667125378845906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829866253778444
suicidewatch,M730504,2019/02/23,"I'm really struggling. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine hurting my family by killing myself, but I really don't want to live anymore. I don't have a job, I'm not in school, and my health has deteriorated even though I'm normally a fitness freak. I've also relapsed and started drinking every night just so I can sleep. I'm insanely lonely and just spend my days watching Netflix or Hulu while I simultaneously look up stuff on reincarnation and near death experiences, particularly ndes involving suicide. I tried killing myself back in August, but I chickened out and ended up in the ICU for a week and then a psych ward for a week. I'm nearly 30 years old and I have nothing. I'm just living with my mom hoping I die naturally somehow so I don't actually kill myself and hurt my parents and my twin brother. The other part of all this that makes everything harder is that I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm probably trans, but I don't want to be. I'm also still heartbroken over the love of my life leaving me two years ago even though she wanted me to propose and I was trying to work up to that. I'm just broken and lonely and don't know if I can handle another 50 years of this. I just keep reading up on reincarnation hoping it's real and hoping I'm reborn into a body I actually feel comfortable in so I can actually live a successful life rather than be self destructive due self loathing. ",5.2391647241647235,5.71255105944056,6.8213519813519845,74.45672882672883,68.12587412587413,9.712198912198913,30.923853923853933,9.725611199111238,2.8629159285159287,1137,43,218,24,18,393,154,286,0.21,0.677,0.113,-0.9872,2,4,1,0,0,5,19.0,0,0,0,2,18,16,4,1,11,0,18,7,2,1,2,47,43,27,6,9,12,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,10,18,1,1,4,3,1,1,8,10,0,1,1,3,30,6,31,40,3,36,0,4,2,1,8,16,0,6,19,142,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.28260257844734465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556938699696624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439247742948892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122173781025834,0.0,0.0,0.09573335018682556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422679673577602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722478092414912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315337535716635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225485829383759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018449952140818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456416054835703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549829352678534,0.0,0.0,0.12751634525750932,0.0,0.08133198693020458,0.0,0.08675632494535722,0.09442637035784823,0.0910013460658195,0.0,0.048809247737797185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260851440082984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876328046670029,0.0,0.0,0.20667802298380789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579265969523253,0.08580166927831642,0.3203935443862371,0.0,0.1061024211790548,0.0,0.0,0.10221296419969783,0.0,0.0,0.1363661648170468,0.0,0.0,0.25571735856629035,0.0,0.08106218261574755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712348488094399,0.0,0.06443555340832029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305657450556215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058831229938434,0.09458041490308307,0.09262461736303776,0.0,0.10129361425836564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718685289401088,0.10453425231550248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407732834098887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655766412229452,0.10987402746183084,0.12368115439718635,0.0,0.09531325139791057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976950733851066,0.0,0.0,0.20140690067954506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096601255240958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832552178878,0.0,0.07709021359005712,0.0,0.0,0.10091572622844584,0.11050551983822576,0.10558983849686232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968349845168075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107716011392928,0.0,0.09429728928445608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081041234301125,0.0,0.1548635595022169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027611176336067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864894430903485
suicidewatch,astutzman,2019/02/23,"Extreme loliness I am all alone. I have no friends anymore, they all left my life. I don't have any deep relationships with anyone, I can't take it anymore. I just want to die, being alive is so alienating. There is nobody here for me. In this deep pit of loneliness I just want to commit suicide. I don't have a girlfriend either. I literally have no one. ",0.9564162754303568,3.4712109014084547,2.9430046948356825,88.01369327073554,87.8732394366197,5.972456964006258,23.381846635367765,7.3871296695380915,1.2369799687010958,278,11,56,5,9,93,50,71,0.231,0.631,0.138,-0.8442,0,1,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,3,9,14,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,11,1,6,13,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27604599105211514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125038821705294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286547573738357,0.18636484558813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766173553090475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059213808535794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28958698054207505,0.0,0.1882589025524284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806084713594274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286154813550317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29154192526829104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039832808619087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144140710208709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teenagepeterpan,2019/02/23,"I don’t know anymore I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday, but these last two weeks have felt so miserably long. 

My aunt just died, and my insurance company quit covering my therapist two days before my appointment, so I have to leave someone I’ve been seeing weekly for two and a half years and go therapist window shopping. 

A few times a week I get this feeling in my chest like I can’t keep going. It’s not suicidal thoughts. I could be reading a book with all my attention on the book, but the feeling is in my chest. 

I have intrusive thoughts, but for someone with mental illness that’s normal, but occasionally (for example, this afternoon on the interstate) I’ll have to call someone and pretty much say “hey I’m driving can you stay on the phone so I don’t kill myself” 

I don’t know what to do at this point

",4.415650406504064,5.768793573170732,5.497317073170733,79.99138211382116,70.58536585365854,9.369105691056909,31.349593495934965,9.725611199111238,3.039152032520325,662,29,128,16,12,219,98,164,0.132,0.772,0.095,-0.8515,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,1,9,0,15,3,2,0,1,25,28,11,3,2,6,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,7,0,1,8,4,1,3,5,2,0,4,4,5,19,1,16,22,3,22,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,0,11,86,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482683689911756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568426716256773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882114654526154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085457917628026,0.0,0.0,0.0876771324619956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410956490129338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748179649140133,0.0,0.13053425674974686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102877369773661,0.0,0.15452814510296106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083947388118865,0.15040961193492927,0.0,0.14943020177391178,0.11081819043049172,0.0,0.14395245362492806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641877963790846,0.0,0.0,0.12031233547533028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700660761846414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993960994941484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320309118090098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851761539120515,0.0,0.0,0.1383110176696937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460059732378128,0.1359877660874751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108113672646788,0.0,0.0,0.10833532609847772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34557246191082425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449056513740305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148708301813716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156991227012906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158597778636477,0.07927410729097523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984130467879695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32715501710545336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754797110195868
suicidewatch,queensophiaxo,2019/02/23,"Currently on suicide watch for a friend Spending the night with a friend who wants to kill him self, he’s been cutting his wrists and we’ve now taken the blades from him, but now it’s just me and him, his partners out of town for a couple days and parents live out of the country. Any tips? Anything that could help? I also can’t stay here for days because I have other things I need to do but I feel I’m the only person who can right now and would of course prefer nothing happened to him.",3.726008403361345,4.477542833333338,4.0908963585434215,91.68617647058826,71.64705882352942,6.220728291316527,25.35574229691877,5.288315135182226,0.4568330532212883,387,11,84,1,7,121,72,102,0.069,0.8490000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.3094,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,7,0,7,1,1,0,0,16,13,7,2,5,3,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,11,2,14,9,0,13,0,0,1,0,16,5,0,0,7,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707938480933484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452366211662261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575196686167127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019181140868644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705202597072726,0.23631390489213824,0.0,0.27547318334513043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798867124192812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300111616339549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886145310412192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315314232458826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362863237080691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858842702250894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583612998056627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042331993746115,0.0,0.20492857023856048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243150734704515,0.0,0.0,0.2371469824900572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648326585448852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182389744861308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228026920244504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763986428277916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336136466839257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188807651960916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597059176365613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171577364513944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MorsVincitAll,2019/02/23,"Justifiable Suffering How long does on have to suffer before society says it is acceptable to die?

I've done my part by reaching out and trying to get better only to be shat upon each and every time. 

I will not be opening up to people again. Vulnerability is only exploited against me. It is a weakness.

People do not want to help. They just don't want to be exposed to the negativity of someone's suicide. They think only of themselves, especially in our unhealthy hyperindividualistic society of today.

So, how long will you let others suffer so that you do not have to feel bad?",4.718674821610605,6.839977605504592,6.779204892966362,68.03029561671764,71.11009174311927,8.514169215086646,29.542303771661572,9.150863307647796,2.876032823649338,465,19,77,10,9,163,75,109,0.316,0.632,0.051,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,2,2,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,15,1,0,2,0,16,20,6,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,8,2,19,13,2,11,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,0,5,62,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596862315826935,0.0,0.0,0.16914268171918426,0.0,0.0,0.1758001234280834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629682011486647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739491334476339,0.2034155943007676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747630978322875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050649200832353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038516088413069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323453274815694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326066119888705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35181881798323217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535314901273783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525369641802816,0.0,0.275610783316096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807366870630782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684212105055389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742732680608234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273668410982567,0.0,0.0,0.11590716202789375,0.0,0.1884152319302986,0.0,0.0,0.13495501524870393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23448500900642494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,panconpaltixx,2019/02/23,"OP will kill himself if this gets 1 upvote I'm 16 and diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I've been this way for 3 years now and can't bear it anymore. Seeing my parents watch me and think of me when I was a happy young lad, and now everytime I see them I think deep down they're disappointed in me.

I have nothing to live up for, my only dream has been blurring out lately and I fucked up everything that once made me happy. I drove it away and now I can't get it back, and knowing I did this by myself breaks me.

Yesterday I posted on r/depression on how I had tried to kill myself and couldn't, I tried jumping off a tall building and I couldn't do it. 
I have no hobbies, everything that brought me pleasure is now gone or I can't even bring myself to do them. I've always loved combat sports, wheighlifting and many other things but now not even training brings me up.

I feel everyday how I'm going deeper into the hole I drag myself into and I've got nothing else to look up to. I'm 16 and now I have nothing else to do apart from finally doing what I tried earlier, killing myself.
I have a good life and I can't even appreciate it because I'm a cunt and hate myself, I wake up everyday thinking on how much I hate myself and have to live day by day with this fuckup.

So yeah, the first upvote this gets I've decided on killing myself. If someone read this to this point well fucking done, as not even I understand myself when typing this.
Because of how my personality is I hate sharing my problems, I feel weak every time I let them out and even though I'm sad all the time I feel myself getting wittle bit more hollow every minute now.

I hate myself, i hate this life, i can't bear it anymore.

I'm posting this with the last bit of hope i could find inside myself hoping on finding at least something to grab on and not end it all. But I'm pretty much decided and I still felt like I needed to share this.

Thanks for reading
~op",2.9565575349061137,4.26687422885572,4.378862140908364,86.76527924891674,74.12437810945273,7.077644037875142,24.908040442946557,7.601502580125103,1.161564660568127,1528,48,319,19,31,508,189,402,0.173,0.7170000000000001,0.11,-0.984,1,0,1,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,3,1,23,29,12,0,8,1,28,8,1,5,2,62,71,33,4,9,8,1,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,23,26,0,0,13,4,0,7,11,17,1,1,12,9,60,12,43,54,8,60,0,3,4,3,9,24,3,6,26,220,83,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643123093461223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059127408679446075,0.0,0.15330382014863142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261744519254948,0.05943201337247465,0.0,0.0942317607635558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876352255269608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171057973697964,0.0,0.0,0.09969261057543567,0.0,0.1331412618750219,0.07844874498185661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909553486391223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291334369024561,0.0,0.06845689087588705,0.0,0.0,0.2552499053519258,0.0,0.13024201359658244,0.0,0.13892834639364346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724196618288285,0.0,0.07421148741689956,0.0846685200409936,0.14128516001812505,0.0657436909357927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290858074972826,0.1615254440254086,0.0,0.043926260360338185,0.06482802949220277,0.06181667883950416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645554280077745,0.0,0.3815443382501976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353481891616647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420441898218078,0.0,0.04247711602598498,0.06300248646960613,0.08718762227722299,0.0,0.0,0.07903529112201282,0.10918584779846184,0.037760481823512035,0.0,0.13649875015699092,0.0,0.06490497950990046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975815131740942,0.07313461949239307,0.0,0.07836094963470783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363556649239867,0.05731030222265308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224884168450377,0.0,0.0,0.08231239978129626,0.0,0.05878329356960343,0.0,0.0,0.08582251632421503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748752592144319,0.0,0.0,0.07306498412703342,0.0,0.14804683869423266,0.07863274057698999,0.0,0.07395705516944656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462384577253913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123181851105587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548841927854539,0.059502393164021714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172469790499442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115917472597642,0.0,0.0,0.05134871055686393,0.148574868931111,0.07593802179452358,0.0,0.0901380152949247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574265603926226,0.0,0.0,0.08046266393642225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135000363105068,0.0,0.0,0.06949389742784526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049772874321136334
suicidewatch,Directory177x,2019/02/23,"Xanax and heroin- good way to go? Im trying to find an anxiety free and easy way to leave. I have serious mental issues, and am sick of pretending to ""keep my chin up"" through all of this. It seems like so many people im close to keep dying, it seems unfair for me to be alive. On sunday my lung collapsed, had i not went to the ER I wouldve stopped breathing. I seriously regret going now. All they did was stick a tube in me and gave me percocets and shit tons of morphine for 4 days straight. It felt so good and I fell in love with the idea of sitting in bed being high all day watching TV, unable to move. 


I think i may get some heroin and xanax and just try to enjoy myself for one for week and then when I feel ready i will try to end the pain. During my aunts funeral today i realized how amazing she was and how many people she touched. I realized the person i am would have no impact on anyone and living constantly would be of no use. My death would not be significant nor meaningful. I believe my time to go is now. I dont want to extend the pain for 70+ more years, i just want it to be over. Im not afraid of death anymore, im not afraid of what happens if i die. I literally just want to stop existing. 


Anyway, what is the lethal dose of heroin and xanax to mix together? I dont wanna end up in the ER again or with permanent damage, i want it to be won and done. ",1.864189497716893,3.2529846883561646,3.7433561643835622,89.89473744292238,77.11643835616438,6.921461187214612,22.098173515981735,7.6454224807358475,0.7425200913242009,1067,29,241,15,24,361,161,292,0.221,0.665,0.114,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,12,17,1,2,9,0,24,11,3,3,3,56,45,22,6,10,9,1,3,1,0,5,7,0,1,1,8,16,0,4,10,2,1,6,9,9,2,1,9,4,31,9,42,25,6,38,0,2,1,1,7,12,1,6,18,156,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767374062918425,0.0,0.09948125408822914,0.07013956953368303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301580155906694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840022410838823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938419817273328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082133265605244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265266701654964,0.2351267724151572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769100205622215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072010084869394,0.0,0.09631399698752924,0.0,0.0916821569679892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052408197405735546,0.0,0.17102663705897955,0.1682717017149454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870441535864305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598375557331924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323856358414648,0.433411051371382,0.10469830292350127,0.0,0.17832150752089826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621454114807033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900673816395167,0.0,0.08857618051479811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905343176602412,0.0,0.0,0.2033985985123512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108958615158274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661439273556808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679731222662145,0.0,0.21347530153658176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908560974968906,0.08758742877337197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826381766902182,0.0,0.0,0.10296748581283537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772846347731787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642750423002343,0.0,0.0,0.05849197230616525,0.0,0.09508280882137822,0.0,0.0,0.2043131298289992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663623249966701,0.0,0.0,0.23666338495483144,0.15924391952182715,0.08046318802059298,0.0,0.0,0.09298901824032542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377351673435688,0.0,0.0,0.0645967980738106
suicidewatch,MissouriSusan,2019/02/23,"I am living for other people. I am twenty years old, and yet I feel completely spent. I am in my third year of a Psychology degree. I can't say that I don't enjoy it, but it's a dull kind of enjoyment. 

I don't know what I am working towards. Obviously there is the material side of things. Getting a job to make sure I don't starve. Getting a mold-free flat with good heating. But I feel that that's where it ends. 

Most of my friends have their goals. They want to get married. Get a house. Start a family. 

But I feel like I cannot do these things. I have bipolar disorder. I don't want to have children. I do not want to pass it onto them. My dad has it, and he can barely function. That is not the only reason.

I am a woman, but I feel disgusted with myself. I do not feel like a woman. I am bisexual (heavily leaning towards women) and I feel that when I am attracted towards women, I think I see them as a man would. It doesn't make any sense, but that's how I feel.

One of my high school friends is going to have a baby. Until now, I didn't know how much I was disturbed and disgusted by the concept of pregnancy. It's one of the most natural things in the world, and yet, I just cannot process it. I could never have a child growing inside of me.

I do not want to get married. My moods and behavior are too unstable to hold down a long term relationship. When I am depressed, I cannot handle intercourse. The last time I had sex, in December, I cried. I could not have sex. I was hearing voices of my parents and other relatives screaming at me. It was not a hallucination. It was like a daydream.

I have violent nightmares, in which I do strange things, like rip my favourite things to shreds. I had a dream where I strangled my family.

In turn, when I am in my 'manic' phase, I can only sleep properly for 4 hours at best. Everything is completely hilarious. I start writing the next magnum opus of modern literature. I start believing that I am God's gift to every field in the world. The last time I was manic, I was researching how to become an astronaut. Never mind that I had failed the majority of my physics exams in high school. I was completely ecstatic when I saw that I meet the height requirement. I would be on Mars in no time. I have passions and hobbies, but they are fleeting.

I have not yet started treatment for the bipolar disorder. But I know this will never end. It is not something that can be cured. The treatment might reduce the swings, but they will not go away.

I am exhausted.

I feel like I am only keeping myself alive to take care of my parents when they get old. 

I have started to think: 'Mum is 50, Dad is 55, they will probably be around for 25-30 more years. When they die, so can I.'.

I feel like I will continue to exist for God knows how long, for no reason.

I don't want to live like this, but I can't die yet.

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​",2.0142324561403484,4.134843354729732,3.6490398293029886,87.3993266951162,79.13513513513513,6.789521100047415,25.081910858226646,7.85451343220497,1.4407056306306312,2294,87,471,39,57,762,241,592,0.125,0.718,0.156,0.9462,3,0,1,0,0,0,122.0,0,0,9,5,22,28,3,1,30,0,75,7,1,8,5,75,118,30,2,9,19,5,9,7,2,7,3,4,0,7,33,11,0,3,17,1,1,4,26,9,0,3,13,15,87,18,56,93,7,70,0,3,2,3,29,27,0,3,46,341,120,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197063361089915,0.4706869720084083,0.029268811049895718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038314901924600166,0.0,0.0,0.04043768350656843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047534518004168566,0.0,0.048491565242570166,0.04516803320127468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388235108739984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538048849321166,0.0,0.0,0.0687281929512681,0.0,0.04727763729641273,0.0,0.0,0.03707046010150514,0.0,0.08933786222810022,0.0,0.09865559315244476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624168213967497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626322374129146,0.0,0.03868175537338692,0.0,0.08114893777218103,0.0,0.1958617592351338,0.1229917062994153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650550155091993,0.0,0.1349203645165052,0.0,0.04892147360372088,0.036100076669030826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850943203870775,0.0,0.0,0.09094866606507568,0.0,0.0,0.04238592596441381,0.049662610650443306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271075603111265,0.03825610621176615,0.0,0.04481974377642813,0.0946150705013676,0.07016701293275966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719086939648518,0.0,0.07601056802886362,0.07617844296567043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057459333734095376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045658849269744485,0.043458331339089516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03163949833765767,0.0,0.09958576382145017,0.0,0.04577373963319288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032689685959318,0.0,0.05833030510146218,0.09820203180675413,0.0,0.0,0.09558209445826052,0.0,0.0,0.029838654535201174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046404613811586386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850498526546219,0.0,0.04620906609475809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03422729353974372,0.0,0.08711795784913573,0.03429746595706477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307128185001362,0.0,0.0,0.03313444773869545,0.0,0.0,0.1523203709503167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056487794623443,0.0,0.0323608730285626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296997783818302,0.05515684292239074,0.0,0.0,0.07529125800435822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681537691755586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693112172976492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031333777284080225,0.0,0.0,0.06114904459290677,0.0,0.4706869720084083,0.08314943056755271
suicidewatch,firecrotchy,2019/02/23,"I feel like I’ve wasted life and there’s nothing left for me Life is passing me by. Everyday is the same thing. I do the same exact thing everyday. I can’t sleep at night anymore, my anxiety is at an all time high. I don’t know what to do. I was depressed all throughout high school and stopped caring about everything basically letting my GPA and grades slip beyond the point of repair. I can’t get into college now with my intended major. I feel invisible and like I’ve wasted life. The only thing I want is to be able to have my dream job but I know I’ll never be able to achieve that without a degree. No one cares when I speak. My friends barely acknowledge my existence. No one seems to care about me. Nothing in life makes me happy. I just want to sleep all the time. I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was 12 but the feeling just keeps getting more intense. I’m just so tired,I feel exhausted constantly. I’m ready to go I’m just scared of what comes after. ",0.7975757575757569,3.2116802979798003,2.526489898989901,91.6430681818182,86.92929292929294,5.522222222222222,21.381313131313128,6.996647511020387,0.6566222222222229,761,26,159,11,24,250,112,198,0.11,0.7090000000000001,0.181,0.9013,1,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,1,1,8,0,15,7,2,2,5,36,37,8,1,3,7,0,4,2,1,0,5,1,0,0,6,7,0,2,8,1,0,3,7,4,0,2,2,5,23,7,22,32,7,23,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,1,13,99,29,6,0.2348641405334871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983521232834782,0.0,0.1164610587660221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591894662224805,0.0,0.0,0.10115733038868137,0.0,0.1269023494510884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114407004584802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554037269214664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375087326631212,0.08389349446259871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072772618524076,0.0,0.12270681976882793,0.0,0.06673935175571162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500862243942218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481468594097369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165332096740441,0.10437901973078488,0.12992118674144335,0.0,0.12907518940929766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759028794641716,0.12008224811392702,0.3317829764332361,0.11474275561868585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838681877802127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057085204720787,0.0,0.0,0.1102020428787335,0.0,0.2253584771627795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591500199572229,0.08931238112961049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101126380160692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756998852730408,0.11884752450896145,0.0,0.10690574633073197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714102203418057,0.0,0.23503375660694115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817846900302496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23404994834145135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695116907246274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779343281005805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132003251639409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dooferaccount,2019/02/23,"Does it count if I didn’t complete it? I think I really was trying to hang myself, but it’s hard to say because I also use strangulation as (non suicidal) self harm. But I think I was hoping it would work to kill me this time. But right before passing out, survival instinct kicked in and I sat back up. I don’t know if this counts as an attempt. I also have a couple half ass pain killer overdose attempts that I don’t really consider attempts but idek",4.513514492753625,5.085969119565217,5.653043478260872,81.84340579710147,69.76086956521739,8.307246376811595,28.3768115942029,8.344100000000001,1.9085159420289848,357,12,71,5,6,119,64,92,0.276,0.688,0.036000000000000004,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,5,3,4,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,1,0,14,13,11,2,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,4,2,12,1,8,8,0,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,3,2,47,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346602785377476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663515558921804,0.0,0.13210324894994616,0.0,0.1844026354261022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22721432428090735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397833955186614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896427224151802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412789561461294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524004477279687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23975540939583234,0.0,0.1190971066992232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305927019986861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776575214446208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850675369720138,0.0,0.1723349825404218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22607381503304266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370434929207255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777156058505632,0.0,0.0,0.1263642383191542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713057770449328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871662229708682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577660808882601,0.0,0.0,0.15394321961281446,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BritishOvation,2019/02/23,Sorted I've been in a really good mood the last few days. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm taking a drive to the coast on my own and finding peace and I can't wait. ,-1.2689473684210526,0.7308784210526333,1.9687368421052616,94.48415789473684,93.73684210526315,5.145263157894737,18.12631578947369,6.742157984588678,0.11177263157894757,132,4,31,2,5,47,30,38,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,4,6,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110022214938377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407548200024372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044765418573748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930865715840911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049566501885708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30893262653410314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36258133560440425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RavenFemme,2019/02/23,"Here goes everything I am writing this to let you know that I am ready. As a child, I would stress about how time was passed and how my parents would age and die but then I became older and realized that there is no such thing as fear of death since it's inevitable. I've played with death many times. I've carried her, she's carried me through long journeys and endless conversations. I finally feel I am ready to end it all. As I approach this finale, I consider how my life has been spent and to be truthful, I dislike most of it, I don't regret it but many things would've led to better, happier endings. Lately I've hated myself to the point of no return and that is such a disgrace because once upon a time I loved myself and felt like my life might have looked brighter. Thank you for the chance of growing and being. 

Forever thankful ",4.906185064935067,5.6063420535714314,5.116363636363637,85.58318181818183,68.94047619047619,7.775757575757577,29.558441558441558,7.686295010490155,1.7294928571428572,667,24,134,7,11,210,106,168,0.183,0.586,0.231,0.838,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,8,11,1,2,5,0,16,3,0,4,2,27,25,17,3,3,2,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,4,1,1,5,3,4,0,0,4,3,21,7,17,15,2,20,0,1,1,1,9,2,0,2,14,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910706306402788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212893438559412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550498286200838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264641652590278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426780967859714,0.0,0.0,0.16811243270331747,0.07553928534826397,0.0,0.1434439281415615,0.3273128063418097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749796977204294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210432900587078,0.0,0.1685255943531941,0.0,0.0,0.1527678936909664,0.21104612575264795,0.07298751217387868,0.0,0.0,0.1322110718993326,0.12545531077345776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483604214330813,0.0,0.0,0.30292890817185986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848592249026028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910224104602688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658869710477636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412278435264973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358220769709585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113301854026894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275088181123866,0.0,0.0,0.19850459824103486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134264597377754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183806500833149,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AbleBadger,2019/02/23,"Happily married, have a daughter, house, graduating university, none of it matters I have everything I could possibly want. I thought that setting additional goals would help alleviate my depression, but it only made it worse. 


I wanted to get healthier, lose weight, buy all these clothes I was too shy to wear, go on trips, and have fun. I did and I felt nothing. *Maybe* marginally angry that I went from being ignored in public (which is nice) to being ogled by strangers.


I thought maybe I was investing my time into things that were mostly shallow, so I decided to focus more on making memories with my husband and daughter. But I didn't feel connected to them. It was more like I'm just an observer.


I decided to put more time and effort into getting a degree. I did, and received a ton of honors, recognition, scholarships, etc. I quickly discovered that if I was sincere in my applications, I'd never hear back. But if I looked up the ""judges"" and their interests, and mimicked those, I would be selected most of the time. I probably ended up receiving around $20,000+ because of it. It just made me feel really, strangely, *angry* that it was all so fake.


I'm just so tired of feeling nothing, or feeling depressed or angry if I do feel something.

I'm 30. I've felt severely depressed since I was 12. I've tried various medications and therapy since then and nothing has ever worked.",3.6993050193050174,6.247514714285713,5.034183783783785,77.42230270270272,75.60231660231659,8.468324324324325,31.59552123552124,9.174902378510234,3.329740262548264,1097,55,188,28,25,364,153,259,0.124,0.726,0.15,0.6616,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,2,5,11,12,0,0,6,0,22,4,1,3,4,52,45,21,0,8,11,3,8,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,16,14,1,1,11,0,3,6,3,6,0,0,17,10,28,6,23,22,11,25,0,4,1,0,10,9,0,7,10,135,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426578715802053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006164067969802,0.0,0.07139811102574177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351451756439626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30263791699634585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373769216724624,0.0,0.13062496628789896,0.0,0.10594596849853843,0.0,0.0,0.1052641001299461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29610875889307603,0.0,0.22491609941460225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223856106747886,0.0,0.06656464845271177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200801416790114,0.0,0.07850619665541289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514614240643916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057221197009900436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835522324153803,0.13103254512534984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165238726443254,0.07818162595262047,0.0,0.2353349449925493,0.0,0.0,0.11799078173725852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033376513233828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33715283592550993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907858850844091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204046583580706,0.0,0.0,0.1262802028398901,0.0,0.0,0.11774264225583066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503306202085425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323175376012966,0.0,0.19377347282936344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016829228272716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339422663585644,0.0,0.07781242561235373,0.0,0.0,0.1859678082461994,0.20488900891331052,0.13461757712079936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951996189137799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816632857939984,0.0,0.0,0.1426262931030929,0.0,0.10857574145591392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852681538788206,0.0,0.11936004380967227,0.16640400857575358,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,22q2,2019/02/23,"I just want, for once, to be told that it'll be better I am only 20, I've had so many issues with depression. Three years ago I was dealing with psychosis and I couldn't speak without having intense panic attacks. I didn't speak for three months. I didn't leave the house. I stayed inside and slowly got better. Flash to last year, after going through a break up with someone who would gaslight me, I started blowing hundreds of dollars on liquor and smokes. Within three months, I became sober, quit drinking, smoking, quit abusing my prescription. It was hard.. A lot of the time I wish that an accident would happen so I wouldn't have to do it myself.  And now, through a break up with the same person that hurt me to begin with, I feel like I've lost all motivation. I had plans, because she took control over my social life and made it to where I didn't have anyfriends but her and her friends who are very neglectful and abusive as well, I had a plan to move, to get a job, focus on that, and move. And today and yesterday I have had panic attacks all day, I have been crying for hours now and I feel like it'll never get better. I don't have a good relationship with my parents and don't feel comfortable crying to them because they'll suggest more medication or prayer when I feel like I need to let it out. And because it's not a typical ""abusive boyfriend"" situation, it's a ""abusive girlfriend"" situation and people, even my friends, don't want to hear me vent. All I want is to know this is passing. To be able to just cry for a bit and have someone who will listen and just talk with me. Im scared. I feel like I'll never leave this state of mind. I know I've done it before but.. I've been sitting here wondering what to do. Call an ambulance? Some kind of hotline? I'm tired.. I'm exhausted.",3.626189164370981,4.886173694214875,4.41146005509642,87.38062442607901,72.38842975206613,7.03067033976125,27.21854912764004,7.3871296695380915,1.328586042240588,1413,50,292,15,27,454,182,363,0.174,0.7070000000000001,0.119,-0.9838,2,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,2,10,12,23,2,3,14,0,40,6,0,3,5,62,68,23,0,9,8,1,6,4,3,7,4,4,0,1,19,24,2,2,9,2,1,5,12,10,1,3,17,10,38,13,41,39,8,37,0,4,0,0,24,8,0,4,23,193,57,2,0.07868350361165401,0.3729083414323375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974817846078726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902768895530038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389420046336293,0.0,0.06695386625964027,0.0,0.0,0.2087674943922295,0.0859020070951591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034465453059332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825023989458329,0.0,0.0,0.2592904020741316,0.050744350505672685,0.08111923724256573,0.06776998636465031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052054252367995,0.0,0.0770798784167425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196971205370123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989237180040423,0.22484604280749207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158135941498815,0.0,0.08221776619048006,0.0,0.04471764836455525,0.06599598971591175,0.06293038571308755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957956238752443,0.0,0.07048496422088768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886820271131913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748740147265593,0.09079019891843286,0.08423231798720496,0.0,0.08499168605759623,0.08212513515454757,0.07808123627078713,0.0,0.0,0.08193676086778133,0.08648479166714965,0.0641375571908304,0.0,0.16662893864740064,0.0,0.0804592134133864,0.0555764855485626,0.1537631416294771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589233895626824,0.06689390102191188,0.0,0.07445223360487323,0.0,0.0797727227979876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926535196432431,0.0,0.0,0.0794479085022463,0.0,0.12560884379682052,0.16725622418590658,0.0,0.05834282093298732,0.12137113733888155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379536339465349,0.0,0.059842350111128616,0.0,0.18463627636069926,0.08736871919588111,0.0,0.0,0.05454923422728144,0.06870340038948106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737918286979028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447663639971474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877591356345233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768871095381348,0.0,0.08020792308482085,0.13333655454506838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569258883809924,0.08386614567674071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632428197249035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045880983711930015,0.09043511259062413,0.07458276120325638,0.075185459608405,0.08742026765410682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492213088273531,0.13922870714830984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074591925578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048214600408988,0.07584808965426021,0.08532890325329084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178900685142637,0.0,0.0,0.1013391931718105
suicidewatch,SunflowerPakkun,2019/02/23,"I Think It's Time For Me to Go. Hello everyone. I've created this account.

​

I'm a little... scattered in the head right now. I hope you can understand what I've typed.

​

There is some triggering content near the beginning. Please skip it if you have dealt with sexual assault. When you see the paragraphs again, it's finished.

​

I (26F) am considering suicide tonight. It's not sudden. I have been thinking of it for a while. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, and PTSD for about seven years now. I believe I've had it longer than that.

I don't like being alive. Every day is a struggle. It's easier when I'm talking to others, but when I am alone, I get stuck in my head. And... and my head isn't a very nice place to be. I don't think others realize how much I'm struggling. I wear this happy mask so seamlessly that it seems to be my face.

It isn't my face.

I was sexually assaulted in my youth, and in my late teens. I feel broken. I feel worthless. I feel like nothing I does matters. I have three close friends, yet I don't feel like I belong. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for that moment where I screw up so badly that the friendship is over. I feel that I'm always going to be second best to everyone. I don't have a romantic relationship, the only one I've ever had was abusive. 

I have this pathological urge to be perfect--I have to be perfect, I have to make everything better, I have to be better. Because it was my father who raped me, and I kept silent about it. When he molested me, I told my mom and she believed me. My brothers didn't. Police came and picked him up, and soon, it was up to me to know if he could come home. I said yes. I was twelve.

What a stupid fuck I was. 

Fast forward two years. I stop going to school because I'm tired of being bullied. I'm tired of pretending to be okay. I'm tired of the cruelty of children. My father gives me some of his medication to help me sleep. 

I wake up and he's hurting me.

I think it's a dream, and I stay home again.

He does it again. 

This is not a dream.

He asks me if he can do this to me every day.

I tell him no.

The look on his face makes me feel like I took back something from him. I feel strong. I feel scared, too.

I'm smarter this time. He gives me the pills, and I pretend to take them.

He lays down for a nap. Gets up later and asks me why I'm not asleep.

I counter with ""Why should I be?""

I realize he wouldn't stop if I stayed home again.

I didn't sleep that night. Afraid he'd hurt me when mom was asleep.

I go back to school. The taunts are more tolerable in comparison with the possibility of facing that again.

I can't tell my mom. I think it's my fault.

That was in the past, and I'm in therapy now. I'm still that child, because we all still live in the same house. And I still try to keep everything together. I always thought if I got better, if I went to therapy, then things would be better. It's not better. I was so stupid to think that I could change things. I hate that the decision fell on me. I love my mom, and I hate that she had me decide. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to make sure that she wasn't overwhelmed. Therapy just reminds me of how immature and stupid I am. Medications don't help.

I'm such a mess.

Recently, I was interested in someone... and I thought it would go somewhere. I felt so happy just being near them, my heart would beat faster, and I always was excited at the thought of seeing them. And the most shocking part? They seemed interested, too! I was filled with hope, with joy, with amazement, that maybe,just maybe, my therapist is right. That I am worthy of love, and that people do like me.

Such sweet lies I've swallowed.

I believe I am too much, or, paradoxically, I'm not enough because now I realize I was so stupid. Maybe it's my warped depression lenses and maybe it isn't, but I do know now that it was all in my head. There was someone else. Just seeing their expressions is a give away. There's always someone else, and I'm never enough. I don't want to hope and think it's nothing. You don't look at each other like that and say it's nothing. I'm not letting you lie to me. I'm not letting you hurt me. I'm not letting you use me as an ego boost, or lead me on.

I'm in college and I hate it. I hate being around my former crush. I want to confront them, and tell them to give me a straight answer so I can stop having these lingering feelings. I hate the fact that no one sees me when I'm not smiling, or if they do, they ignore it. I hate that when my mom sees me sad, she gives me hugs and I know that I'm just going to keep hurting her. I hate that no one seems to care, even though I like to see them smile each day. I hate that I feel so...

Empty.

I don't think I can do this anymore. Day in and day out, it's the same thing. Maybe this will change things. For my family. I just cause trouble for them. I made my mom keep my father in the house. My brothers don't drive and they depend on him for transportation. They don't know he drugged me and raped me. I heard her tell my aunt (her sister) that her anniversary is just another day. She's not happy. I'm not happy. All because my dad fucked up, and I fucked up. Every time she tells me not to do something because he's around, it reminds me of what happened.

I'm tired of feeling responsible, when I know it isn't my fault. I'm tired of thinking I have to keep the family together. Maybe it's time for it to fall apart. I'm tired of therapy, calling for coaching, using skills. I'm wasting their time. I'm so worthless. I can't do anything right. They won't miss me. They'll probably be relieved that I'm gone. 

No more me asking peers if they'd like a hug today. No more offering them food. No more annoying them with stupid questions. No more moronic me. No more mom worrying about me being in the house alone with my father. No more uncertainty. No more painful hope.

No more.

This is the first time in a long time that I'm starting to feel... content. Euphoric even.

I must wait though. I won't let them see my body. I will leave them a note.

I hope they understand.

I need this. I need this. I need to do this. I need to do this for me. I need to do this for them. So this is me making things right, trying to make things right for them and for me. I've been dead for a long time. It's time to make it right.

Thank you for reading this. I love you. And I'm sorry. I hope I can make things better.",0.2567561271305294,2.428222187914521,2.1287349228611525,95.39393819383366,86.51658069270452,5.329496279744217,19.440174008129887,6.742157984588678,0.09482229681222742,4987,145,1147,62,155,1645,412,1357,0.226,0.639,0.135,-0.9992,1,2,3,0,0,1,233.0,1,9,24,13,61,94,25,5,39,2,115,43,17,18,9,191,271,70,2,31,31,16,13,8,1,11,13,3,3,2,89,51,2,12,42,7,1,18,46,48,0,8,39,26,220,46,122,198,26,137,0,11,9,11,112,49,4,25,77,743,309,6,0.0,0.0369284308454648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456033049038544,0.0,0.0,0.10373553916815703,0.1013100291275404,0.11361589459479228,0.0,0.032681876599730215,0.023843077947830416,0.0,0.03090981843395608,0.0,0.0,0.0256482245639728,0.05549142573333104,0.08741231001944685,0.0,0.029282923854908237,0.047931819069520834,0.026023588745231238,0.11399663542981185,0.0,0.0,0.10534541220983977,0.03270840370205802,0.1653909043671688,0.0,0.034620103689239394,0.0,0.0,0.0318255366156686,0.035647355392129924,0.0317773777832242,0.03201764257079505,0.06594223590956802,0.02684807049418728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976947901950212,0.0,0.0,0.12060288474636482,0.0,0.05368910215850827,0.031634390603051885,0.0,0.0,0.03572069381366255,0.0,0.05454983749685973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03614444401950324,0.0,0.052072950100497215,0.0,0.0,0.06440878777489607,0.0,0.041171724081308536,0.028192818578985968,0.07877997408362314,0.0595638281529243,0.056022739135840265,0.0,0.05876395380817195,0.0,0.1891108980344756,0.06679827684304672,0.029925720044630726,0.0,0.0,0.02651108821728364,0.03768790542914808,0.0,0.024079959198599184,0.08644164795135184,0.03256749989953911,0.14949369156083606,0.10627936584262787,0.0,0.024927523883837226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027561347091525086,0.1658920957452621,0.0,0.246171894913168,0.12794752551410676,0.0,0.0,0.03693367746411004,0.04178188167042495,0.0,0.09379073254743557,0.18573836078140532,0.0,0.1078894476640828,0.13346195766159755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081254394826688,0.0,0.0,0.08564430701650738,0.0,0.03515833554133863,0.033001917919340665,0.0,0.12748365936805842,0.0,0.12181506094361998,0.031238056741664917,0.027521503245802763,0.055164573024734535,0.05234575707678013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438974799528405,0.029491473957461132,0.1664365659537316,0.0,0.1565598838610389,0.0,0.0,0.06279602236223178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555212711911342,0.0,0.0,0.04582344685885041,0.1155516564675228,0.02403832338337513,0.0,0.0,0.029248619002135517,0.0,0.08971826744657731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335978230957147,0.02370431381846554,0.033164453298797504,0.0,0.0,0.03375140171001965,0.029752937567425287,0.02160764348791839,0.0,0.032563439013176584,0.034212592534343465,0.0,0.03513671120430655,0.0,0.0,0.03360387279702564,0.0,0.03643317897381142,0.0,0.03491477073494311,0.0,0.031175968046689786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030774179419293512,0.033462267037117216,0.0,0.15970142074314578,0.029647461813031538,0.02478567374713997,0.03120413842331922,0.06308641605736312,0.17385542342249372,0.08512125624587498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238008497902064,0.0,0.07922445040694039,0.04798858025331992,0.0,0.034889502219373016,0.022060540749644995,0.06644088783862488,0.07467129794747776,0.07817236121227837,0.0,0.06516614677674455,0.0,0.034092223138952736,0.0,0.029375031630837142,0.0,0.023434106471994797,0.025051282958303625,0.13620899095872746,0.028694877512610018,0.14257116411399146,0.03618790882766745,0.14494427118830253,0.1797380737697342,0.061243887168025736,0.07423062085872215,0.16356635572785078,0.2149349701415985,0.02954317759457263,0.02978191407646215,0.03462827670903647,0.04232141894181516,0.0,0.030446151575272883,0.06489300346399594,0.0,0.053837484074973456,0.0,0.02571647940547145,0.07353367552475243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02889261596572876,0.05624770267384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0316521433494034,0.0,0.06642156503562897,0.0,0.11361589459479228,0.04014173963077654
suicidewatch,just_plain_sam,2019/02/23,My friend just shot himself in the head and we are left with nothing but questions and misery There’s really nothing to say.  He had a beautiful five year old child and parents who cared about him and friends who are now very fucking pissed off.  This is bullshit.  I’m sitting here on reddit because there is nothing to do or say.  He was a great friend and the only person who didn’t criticize me or call me a coward for attempting suicide.  He would always say “me too bro.  It hurts every day”.  And now he’s gone.  Fuck you.,2.38355769230769,4.590984086538466,3.216000000000001,90.529,78.32692307692308,5.6984615384615385,24.823076923076925,6.742157984588678,0.900514615384616,411,15,82,4,10,130,77,104,0.267,0.562,0.171,-0.9532,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,0,1,8,9,3,0,5,0,9,4,2,0,0,14,14,9,1,1,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,2,5,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,4,3,8,5,8,9,0,11,0,1,0,2,23,4,3,3,5,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193872556572298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665971063210847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191252391178632,0.0,0.1616675156907504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226126321209436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359779382640655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36752061873657627,0.2931814485940588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481839700845098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273336593213547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974703892784035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228126227222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456441985525428,0.0,0.1663872223511981,0.0,0.0,0.12059577578513545,0.0,0.0,0.17606759178432646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845278224635527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776290128196241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015807555491482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782915941104133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344429917558754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308326749348632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263997804617078,0.0,0.0,0.10211061727438314
suicidewatch,khong9198,2019/02/23,"I just knew it is called ""Trimethylaminuria"" I was actually laughing so hard that I found this shit in wikipedia.

Basically what this crap is about is that no matter where or when you are, you can never control this absolutely disgusting fishy smell coming out of my body.

For me, it started when I was almost done with a sophomore year in high school.

Deodorant? Nope. Drugs? Nope. Smell-proof clothing? Nope. Febreze? haha what a terrible joke.

None of them astoundingly worked (well not so surprising now that I know this disorder has no cure or treatment...)

I did asked my parents and guardians (I was living in homestay back then) for getting medical tests in hospitals (I was so desperate to actually ""solve"" this shit back then. how pathetic lol) and all they said was ""who even gives a fuck about some smell. all you need is to study for your career."" yeah my family was asian origin after all.

I told them about pretty much what happened in school; getting called ""stinking shit"" in front of my crush, being memefyed with my face on picture of skunk, and several other shameful craps that I could not manage to avoid but well......they were determined enough to say ""I don't smell anything"" with obviously disgusted looks.

Anyway, high school years were absolute hellhole with nowhere to really run away. I had to get stuck in stuffy classrooms where everyone got super pissed with smells getting stuck as well. (Im glad they were not mad enough to actually beat the shit out of me) When I get back ""home,"" there were five other students living under same roof.......rip. 

College is a little better as I luckily got a single room with light schedule of no more than 3 lectures per day. I registered mostly classes with giant classrooms (at least 200+ seats in size) so my smell would not reach others when I stay in the corner. Well it did not work very well but that was how I survived so far.

And also that was how I ended up isolated from the rest of society. Except for lectures, meals, and restroom, I almost never get out of my room. tbh I even missed almost half of all lectures for some of my core classes cuz I was scared like hell. Yeah you can call me loser or coward but seriously no matter how many times I go through, I always get scared of all those glares and gossips. Glares and gossips that direct at this stinky scum of me......they just keep reminding me of sheer fact that I will carry this unfixable crap forever through my life and literally no one will give shit about that.

Long rant yeah so I am just here pondering which way is the best to end this ""forever"" shit asap like others in this subreddit probably are. I am not really sure if there is any meaning or purpose in ""living"" this way. Personally I am thinking about shotgun under chin or classic rope hanging but not totally sure which way would be most successful yet. 

​",4.2652638538285865,6.605714079096045,4.460614657210403,83.20494771006129,72.99246704331449,7.6829907440798175,26.928757462836078,8.529434386809921,2.046979773209921,2260,83,410,42,47,704,281,531,0.211,0.68,0.109,-0.9958,1,1,3,1,0,0,95.0,0,5,4,10,40,43,15,4,9,5,40,17,12,7,12,81,70,38,0,5,21,1,1,2,0,4,3,2,3,1,33,19,1,3,6,1,0,5,19,26,4,3,25,11,49,17,67,38,20,64,1,2,1,1,23,31,12,13,26,294,82,18,0.0,0.0,0.20205060392613414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733032934663975,0.0,0.0,0.05519251359571837,0.057427302037802025,0.07477940782647012,0.08386266779942719,0.04693362365096402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679474365602055,0.0,0.06452116178714155,0.0,0.06484332471786004,0.15920841052156584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724286158296282,0.0610395337705965,0.0,0.07666183323804462,0.0,0.0,0.21142085557935592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059451650447493815,0.0,0.0,0.07740793432412567,0.05510410273732571,0.0,0.0,0.044509967972388736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909895062334557,0.0,0.0,0.07062789715768872,0.0,0.0,0.08003729176484953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225636394863673,0.142625099906862,0.0,0.09116956650320783,0.0,0.0,0.06594827534121912,0.0,0.0,0.06506266514520093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567308955841613,0.0,0.06380469239830756,0.252408107740325,0.1324139356190158,0.039223698336318086,0.0,0.11039768662588248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103111109985191,0.0,0.06182527648385135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583955793006748,0.0692292313002748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454972202117413,0.0,0.0,0.06134508464431585,0.0,0.0,0.03792969334362863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874843341443325,0.06743600460997931,0.06917271877941926,0.1828286458551958,0.06107747879427345,0.057956523408487184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997195355592824,0.0,0.0751792606065447,0.0,0.06952691761928831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050735108609415734,0.05117490056071912,0.10645964293349464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046767403404445546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663471607075882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060262593184400914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021464769476836,0.07441151868412102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842754400023682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565054783901066,0.05488473415769745,0.138195221921816,0.2095453129251616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796906165837718,0.4250670076054968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488502724102479,0.07356246401502607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300945714351209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422302127479225,0.0,0.0,0.04024410787032148,0.0,0.0,0.06594827534121912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694588535460204,0.0,0.164346385211233,0.0,0.0,0.3102708546737586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048974713097453,0.0,0.0,0.09805476008735,0.0,0.08386266779942719,0.08888879643697012
suicidewatch,Lucarybro,2019/02/23,No hope left I have to be in a new place by march 1st. Nowhere will appove me. I dont even feel like trying anymore and I just want to die.,-1.828125,-0.02220756249999667,0.4362500000000011,106.18375,93.375,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.6902125,106,2,29,0,4,35,29,32,0.239,0.639,0.122,-0.6136,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155857782319507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302590287140402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729479796766253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101793417698819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090008760989308,0.2273343040077307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160613040587206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457437253537693,0.0,0.0,0.15546476312374996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30733598265921896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33246905881506744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160484695368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769264421852375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JamalKs1994,2019/02/23,"I bought a handgun for a fun-fun-fun day, on September 12th 2019 My mind was moved into a very dark place lately and I have purchased a handgun which I am surprised I was allowed to since I was arrested in 2015 and jailed for 4 months because I shoplifted from a local 7/11.  That is not important though.

​

I have really thought of being Ricardo Lopez and I am becoming him (GOOGLE HIM) and I want to die on the date he died.  September 12th 2019 will mark 23 years since his death on 9/12/1996.  I MISS YOU BUDDY AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU

​

I will not go out alone.  I will go with you buddy.  I will meet you and I will help you reach the intended target.  That lady deserved to be honest.",2.7959624413145576,4.555748056338032,3.7334507042253513,89.37205399061035,75.47887323943662,6.986854460093897,25.21361502347418,7.793537801064563,1.280857276995305,552,19,115,8,12,177,84,142,0.154,0.746,0.1,-0.8898,1,1,0,2,0,1,24.0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,0,16,0,0,2,0,18,23,7,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,5,0,24,2,16,10,0,16,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,5,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797287905560085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514508499879096,0.3941406696982352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886537088823633,0.17911859778062886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104594744271921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366411038313885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843448954818912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870797753408178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294970917353026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375879462291024,0.0,0.12945307964628908,0.17237507054757084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944692077774673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389870822909104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683192312002426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934416651881414,0.12875534150269138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381812181257052,0.19131970192241327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941406696982352,0.10444066077211296
suicidewatch,UnluckyWorker,2019/02/23,"Nothing has ever been this bad before I thought going home would help. They all yelled at me for crying too much.

Nothing gets better and I'm always going to be sad. 

I'm so sick of how awful I am and how alone I'll always be.",1.6125510204081657,2.9033726530612283,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,77.57142857142857,4.9,18.37244897959184,3.1291,-0.5686367346938774,176,3,38,0,4,60,38,49,0.355,0.6,0.045,-0.956,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,8,12,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,7,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553680504789279,0.0,0.0,0.4103253840483022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587233906198035,0.0,0.0,0.20980953422465945,0.0,0.0,0.21806761982360345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708412101607116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230330936454524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128820575965864,0.0,0.2802583181262832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652680149942332,0.0,0.24732583555775575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125440501442389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731735184986705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574588905752613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515343600906674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TremorYT,2019/02/23,Question does anyone know if you can od on ibuprofen and how much?,4.2723076923076935,5.89495161538462,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.30769230769229,5.2,28.384615384615394,3.1291,0.7786,53,2,10,0,1,16,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819088834634285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477974719810655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001718467223619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015126383168112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6118580192011899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopelessthrowaway68,2019/02/23,"I think the thoughts are coming back Burner account for reasons but I think my suicidal thoughts are coming back in full swing and I'm thinking about it logically, and it makes the most sense to me. 

I'm a horrible person that's hurt a ton of people, I'm mediocre at my job at best, parents are abusive and would only be sad as they're losing a cash cow since I pay a little of their bills and can't move out due to credit debts they took out in my name and fucked me over with. 

The world will still turn with or without me and I'm positive I'm not going to hurt anyone if I go.

",4.74778801843318,4.151624193548391,5.687926267281108,85.83403225806455,69.16129032258064,8.376036866359447,28.19815668202765,7.447530270364453,1.3809414746543776,456,13,102,4,7,151,82,124,0.273,0.634,0.093,-0.9836,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,3,4,7,1,0,7,0,7,1,0,2,0,28,25,10,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,12,0,0,7,0,6,6,3,5,0,0,3,0,12,2,18,19,4,20,0,4,0,1,5,10,1,3,4,64,15,3,0.0,0.1959233311049149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562283150905515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25430167063737874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353402951911645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848842089702143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528716964597401,0.0,0.0,0.18795461840537245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540403792171229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640932551758246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657331219862262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849943820796709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037839163738347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575040807436115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257629424955757,0.0,0.0,0.1836115591673656,0.0,0.0,0.1146390841028737,0.14438506803939866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700165541546344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367866427199732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205588121718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808758663509795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178660391926908,0.0,0.2625530912210047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371989190790036,0.0,0.17986306739896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940013919697474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746626272352048,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rise-up-india,2019/02/23,There’s nothing deep to say I just wish I was dead All my family live in a different country and even the one that live here don’t talk to me I have no friends lost my job came down with multiple sclerosis am completely alone despite taking family’s advice about “putting myself out there” I just want to live a simple life in a hippie commune with Nothing around me. No technology no money no greed as I hate the way the world works. It’s unfair I even get to live in Australia while others in India suffer and despite my best efforts back home nothing will change. I hate hate hate the whole world and how it’s conflicts with my core values as...a communist I guess? I don’t want to throw people in a gulag or what ever I just want life to be fair to everybody and it isn’t. I honestly wish I could make the world a better place but I can’t. With my declining health and rapidly ages body and the fact no NO ONE loves me I wish I tied the fucking noose right last night and didn’t just pass out and break the rail in the closet. Fuck you Milly you bitch we were the last of our kind and you fucking betrayed me. I hope he keeps bearing the shit out of you you fucking liar,1.0765432098765435,3.3906569835390985,2.4393415637860087,93.60370370370373,84.10288065843622,5.410699588477367,20.11111111111111,6.775458762138228,0.2689358024691364,929,27,199,11,27,299,135,243,0.211,0.639,0.15,-0.9495,2,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,5,0,5,14,21,12,0,16,0,12,10,2,2,3,41,35,14,1,8,6,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,6,19,0,2,0,0,2,4,11,14,0,2,5,1,33,7,26,27,3,30,0,2,0,5,12,17,6,3,7,128,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339611675493806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898828879497236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508322733809069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349232434968231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030149743933046,0.08452952703929698,0.0,0.10616379427031204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931389859779836,0.0,0.0,0.1011071201529028,0.0,0.1002099992519634,0.0,0.0,0.076309949545433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985695800221572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625457405780868,0.08645429310051425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020177982713456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384206174957751,0.3534352337346865,0.049934705428218186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052881403356679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774474889111549,0.0,0.10159320559431108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958708859261514,0.09492889497146452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484479360871567,0.08495266380405357,0.0,0.09952807543313592,0.0,0.15581498615711362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501682486355054,0.0,0.0,0.33758272185710153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104332891613359,0.0,0.0862614000727703,0.0,0.06379796514178704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969194310641518,0.0,0.2751242969398665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953003558287687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626061662058569,0.0,0.09985695800221572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608064420266264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162169264733535,0.0,0.07600616081806577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810776419082616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186153111305431,0.07682066102590432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912024738048687,0.07586406904053411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670759719258444,0.3297243053351467,0.0,0.0,0.06958073131098899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,discardedyouth88,2019/02/23,"I think I finally crossed over the threshold and am now ready for things to end. The last three years have been devastating.  No fuck that. The vast majority of my life has been devastating. 

See [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ottawa/comments/9kx0nu/an_open_letter_to_the_presidentceo_of_the/) for a slice of my back story.  The trial of one of my abusers will be coming to an end soon and I expect a verdict sometime between this spring and summer. Now that my testimony has been given. I feel like I've done everything I can to bring light to the horrible hell I was forced to live through as child. It has left just a shell of a human being and I am no longer interested in going on like this. 

I no longer have the energy to a) continue to pursuing justice and b) going on with my completely fragmented and destroyed life.  It is truly beyond.  

Coming to this decision has left me feeling like a huge burden has been lifted of of my shoulders. It's not like I owe anyone anything at this point. 

I am now ready to exit stage left. It's going to take me a few weeks to wind down and get my stuff in order but I am committed.

Not sure why I'm posting this here but maybe at some point one of my people might find this who knows. 

Best of luck to all of you on this sub. 

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suicidewatch,TransgenderPride,2019/02/23,"I need someone to tell me how to talk to someone without them being able to call the cops on me. I am... At my breaking point, I am ready to die. I want to call the hotline for help, I just want to talk to someone but I won't if they can trace it, as I know they do... How far in terms of obfuscating my location do I need to go to be sure they can't track it?",0.854430894308944,1.3230525731707343,3.2668292682926854,95.9828455284553,78.14634146341464,6.442276422764228,23.422764227642283,6.42735559955562,0.2362861788617883,269,8,73,2,6,94,50,82,0.032,0.8540000000000001,0.114,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,1,12,15,5,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,16,1,17,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,1,51,18,0,0.20657752221983935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42187749387612894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439485367956795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740276645840245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846455867667656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352960374309412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30634923038346257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528253025377607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250973926224171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469686994764354,0.0,0.0,0.3320783746856827,0.18055785969300311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24368954968861314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913335968385387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nthekitten,2019/02/23,"I would like to stop existing. I've felt like this for years now. I'm now in my early 20's. Even after I've accomplished the main things I've wanted in this life. I recently started a youtube channel (something I've always wanted to do) and it's been a huge success. I got the job I wanted. the car I wanted. I am still consumed by an overwhelming want to die. I am tired of feeling like this. I wish I just had the courage to end it all. In the end, we all die. so what's the point of it all now?",-0.7310868031051498,1.276888128440369,1.753394495412845,97.42553281580805,89.73394495412846,4.821736062103035,19.39378969654199,6.297961479604792,-0.09511065631616056,382,12,92,4,13,130,63,109,0.113,0.667,0.22,0.8481,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,9,0,6,2,0,0,3,16,17,2,2,7,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,11,5,12,12,4,18,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,15,58,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817353385119936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696296378535012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154450381482907,0.0,0.0,0.11761754748264047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900405983530845,0.1272175613021824,0.1709809281413844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242367981684464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671299592910714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578037610005965,0.26099688015873346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683394206950073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582861004022415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709163855811912,0.0,0.0,0.12604314038391512,0.0,0.14221175864262758,0.14887954636953438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830581080465695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467221635237315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251693222468257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047786620978462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650011229423824,0.0,0.0,0.1146751337819758
suicidewatch,iamtetsuo,2019/02/23,"Got stood up by two different women, two nights in a row... Now I want to kill myself. I haven't had any kind of female attention or romantic relationship for over a year. Last week things began to change when I matched with a nice girl on Tinder and an old flame got in touch on Facebook...

I arranged to go on a date with Tinder girl last night. I went to the agreed location and waited... After 25 mins of sitting alone in an packed bar I got the hint and left. She texted me later and said she didn't come because she thought I wouldn't turn up and didn't want to get stood up herself... She also made up a few other lame excuses that I won't go in to. 

Tonight I was due to meet Facebook girl. We were going to meet in town but no specific time was set. She just said she'd let me know where she was so we could meet up. At 8.30pm she asked if I was in town. I Said I was at a friend's house but could come in to town to meet her... It's now 11pm and I've heard nothing. I called her but there was no answer... 

To say that these last 2 nights have been a blow to my self-confidence is a huge understatement. My love life has been non-existent since my ex and I broke up and I've been unbelievably lonely. However, this past week, I've felt excited about potentially meeting someone new and/or rediscovering an old flame. For the first time, in a long time, I felt like things were looking up... 

But this... This almost seems like a cruel, sick joke that life is playing on me. To give me such hope and anticipation, only to take it away. I actually feel worse than I did before... 

Life is cruel... Women are cruel... I don't want to live.",0.9329456384323648,3.016120221238939,2.5980480404551223,93.68718584070801,82.77581120943951,5.880185419300465,18.83025705857564,7.110495986334442,0.10350747576906816,1261,31,290,17,35,414,183,339,0.096,0.7929999999999999,0.111,0.0531,2,3,0,0,0,1,60.0,2,0,0,1,10,17,4,0,16,0,29,6,0,1,0,40,64,18,1,8,7,1,4,2,1,2,4,5,0,5,12,15,1,1,8,3,0,6,8,7,0,3,30,10,39,10,48,28,1,65,0,3,1,1,36,29,0,5,30,173,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0969136692148548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944609204856827,0.10285673251561876,0.0,0.07941934696281262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753520537696875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284281871906412,0.0,0.09330639553241066,0.0,0.0,0.060539350552792075,0.0,0.08450674663686282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140811492070513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505836740476968,0.17109607614492306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858425606148308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375934915220944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050214863387399764,0.0,0.19070917131852472,0.0,0.0,0.08447428595085048,0.0,0.0,0.07672779564367879,0.0,0.05188614433081623,0.09526861172394546,0.16932299170978884,0.0,0.238285365355592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863869834447644,0.0,0.11459210297666242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987342772956372,0.10341761391414553,0.05457898688789586,0.2428563097946149,0.0,0.0,0.10790220312237236,0.10155270699617472,0.21043988550295625,0.09703713599884416,0.0,0.08769384779412914,0.08788752611463843,0.08339662286542589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896324793742505,0.09397091450099254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959156369180003,0.0,0.2795912621545753,0.0,0.09529203425098774,0.0,0.2084213643006396,0.0,0.0,0.07553084835138175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480403578114634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662335288124153,0.0,0.0,0.2834038512170386,0.07897646729700776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904094327334056,0.1036035226073675,0.0,0.0,0.08215147453424441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414628655406398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466986624213323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195625609229195,0.0,0.0,0.07884221426314768,0.17372795101742927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802236173985627,0.1940257520319971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757294348609198,0.0,0.15932334228679987,0.0,0.0,0.09206272797832192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120687270823067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395333085429725
suicidewatch,4_Hour_RSI,2019/02/23,"This morning, I sat at my coffee table with a loaded gun to my mouth I didn't care anymore, I felt OK with leaving everything behind and not living anymore, I wasn't scared this time, but it wasn't fear of death that stopped me pulling the trigger, it was regret. Regret knowing that my fiance will find me with half my head blown off. 

​

I couldn't stomach it. This has happened numerous times this year alone, I sit at my coffee table late at night or early in the morning with a loaded gun, thinking if ""this is it"" - I am so unbelievably at my wits end I can't put it into words. 

​

I am so fucking numb at this point that I struggle commit my energy to anything. Every activity, endeavor, or goal to me is utterly pointless, jokes aren't funny...I'm short with people, it's because I have completely stopped caring. Nothing will truly satisfy me - not love, friends, money...I've had/have all of those meaningless things.  I've felt this way for over 10 years now. 10 years of nearly consistent suicidal thoughts. 

​

I don't discuss this topic with anyone, I really can't talk about it, nor and I don't want too - I'm perceived as a ""funny"" and ""extroverted"" person (I hate describing myself this way, but it's accurate) and talking about my metal health to a friend of mine would be too left field and depressing, it's just not my personality type to confide in anyone or talk about my feelings. The only person who knows I feel this was is my fiance, and I regret the day she found out I was planning to commit suicide a few years ago - she went through my computer and found an old note I wrote. We rarely talk about it, and I will immediately change if she brings it up.  Regardless of that, I know talking to a therapist, or taking anti-depressants wont solve my issues - I've never taken any, never will.

​

What's the point of grinding through my entire life, just to watch it all come to an end, while being miserable the entire time. I don't want to come home and want to kill myself. I turn 28 soon and honestly I've lived long enough. It's the same shit everyday, but a different smell. I have utterly lost my zest for life, and it's not coming back. I hope you all find the courage to do what you feel is the best thing for you. ",4.6403407031533215,5.723529382022472,5.414679231605653,81.80955781080105,69.78651685393258,8.258789416455238,28.512142080463942,8.558390810932622,2.0510391446176155,1785,63,344,28,31,581,227,445,0.193,0.706,0.1,-0.9941,1,1,0,2,0,4,82.0,1,3,0,4,13,25,4,4,18,1,31,10,4,1,7,76,65,25,4,12,15,0,5,0,2,6,4,0,1,3,34,23,0,2,15,1,0,7,18,14,0,1,16,7,54,11,48,40,7,52,0,6,1,2,21,17,2,7,25,230,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131359441233219,0.0,0.0,0.07163758033035361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997756380641192,0.3361886043236838,0.04703686945903002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719289131513573,0.09672827738370414,0.0,0.05691968221278479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053186213776959146,0.0,0.0421644017100633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258794618570819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104354400557073,0.0,0.07317097335550837,0.17874730121111448,0.07252172917329809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460788215954968,0.0,0.1191492465893582,0.0,0.0,0.0722662340920455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252530668318795,0.07146942515871975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058277342334642,0.0,0.0621640788497494,0.0,0.0,0.07783365608784545,0.10492083177383664,0.0,0.13282498136902632,0.0,0.1264372902385318,0.0,0.0,0.15167911438466553,0.10687863574045267,0.06394505162294481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611653689280889,0.0,0.0,0.06828945407715861,0.07098671171185998,0.07352275218995641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938152356691375,0.068699807037531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219381694325983,0.0,0.0,0.07652456297843901,0.0,0.11403939621367727,0.0,0.07802494403275276,0.07323932600854899,0.07515164593457513,0.0,0.0977113429765961,0.0,0.0,0.12215389138238053,0.061211838623372636,0.0,0.0,0.07550545620129659,0.0,0.062427162367875134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669383562960584,0.0,0.0,0.06490983789587104,0.0,0.06636892492634201,0.0,0.07258057816187058,0.0,0.0,0.05260566891302164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795264473889017,0.181185481220716,0.0,0.0,0.13077295029652528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953332511401045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044311034607662766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924961368569532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100034684717837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565572363960135,0.0,0.07230980757190948,0.0,0.151317959818733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200601273587327,0.2779746140814992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030981892249177,0.09190479480250688,0.04432030422913201,0.0,0.054911966572937135,0.12099791372187516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523533391884085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239190569606295,0.10980527911408416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411978010264965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491352317516022,0.0,0.3361886043236838,0.17816867265437228
suicidewatch,freak_pcmr,2019/02/23,The only thing keeping me alive is guns being illegal where I live All I want is for the pain to stop...,1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,79.9090909090909,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.3473818181818187,80,2,18,1,2,27,19,22,0.257,0.597,0.146,-0.6124,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070310485960136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043623916912304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482779608158217,0.4872719900239849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828517003792711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042297074098272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701001889274569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,am-i-a-throwaway-too,2019/02/23,"I should know better, for so many reasons. I lost a parent to suicide. It still torments me.
I am a mental health professional. I understand the nature of mental illness and the impact of suicide.
I have young children.  I have a successful career. My family does not want, we have all we need.

And yet all of these things and suicide still feels like the right choice. 

Recently We had decided to have another child and then learned medically it was not a good idea. I am grieving that being taken away from me, and feel now that life will only continue to deteriorate. My children see me cry constantly, I am short with them, I am not proud of who I am. I feel lost in my marriage despite a supportive partner. I feel that my children and partner would not be impacted by loss, despite rationally telling myself that they must be. The only person I know that would be is my grandmother, still living, who already had to lose her child to suicide.

I have gotten help, medication, I’m in ongoing therapy.but I find myself at a place where I no longer want to share these concerns with anyone. It makes me tired and I don’t want to feel better just to feel even more disappointed when I feel bad again.
",3.8330263157894713,6.025833267543862,4.848105263157893,80.60873684210529,73.78070175438596,7.893333333333333,28.06666666666667,8.697196308434329,2.3240624561403522,947,38,173,19,20,309,128,228,0.237,0.695,0.068,-0.9904,1,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,3,0,2,8,11,15,0,0,10,0,24,6,0,2,3,43,46,10,5,8,5,1,7,1,2,5,6,0,0,8,13,12,0,0,15,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,8,35,8,21,30,3,20,0,6,1,0,21,8,0,0,13,130,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503372949180025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930691187969704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728884873955982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793886736035087,0.0,0.08703778417032358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438730054967484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264865782801715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450503210778695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122294832314284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885091194744831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982701574833292,0.0,0.3689555010380688,0.07447056411951151,0.0,0.0,0.0952753743285147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874333125440385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080445845281132,0.0,0.0,0.06987127015152443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767662204620462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457744406425385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362926523238641,0.05092741573281516,0.0,0.09204766809842836,0.0,0.0,0.11662022552539335,0.2275850926527209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958239910408827,0.10568510957876824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002586133014814,0.2101030010598347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772941828631273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585616011869457,0.0,0.0,0.11574849570267218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102016508805266,0.10891078876243493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717822166094068,0.10292647999235363,0.0,0.0,0.08902216835154421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306744298593399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497435837192694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560956735835956,0.1182926791863314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911121742138331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925380725002048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981093848472052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851968352555423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445404212592015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810116822404248,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eamh4,2019/02/23,"Every time I look at a staircase etc. I just imagine myself hanging from it Or when I'm driving I get intrusive thoughts and want to crash.  

It's only getting worse not sure what to do.  ",1.4163157894736818,3.6757519473684224,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,82.15789473684211,4.852631578947369,27.921052631578952,5.985473137389443,1.1162947368421063,146,7,29,1,4,48,33,38,0.209,0.755,0.035,-0.7552,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,7,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052389492969667,0.0,0.0,0.3061438270218285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796779259610304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051282496519339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27634926643699026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424595415380272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884647604449989,0.21187630780966715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431729099294847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702916840174713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LADsuicidecom,2019/02/23,"hate myself this is my first post on redit , so i'm just gonna show us my feelings .

today , i dont feel anything sort of empty , and i feel like i'm a problem for my family ,my friends , everybody .

and i lost all my friends , i think everybody hates so fucking much .i just wanna kill myself . 

i just need help please ",1.5223589743589765,3.359200030769234,3.339615384615385,90.41455128205128,79.46153846153845,6.17948717948718,23.14102564102564,7.1686216300943375,0.8097179487179491,242,8,52,3,6,81,46,65,0.242,0.578,0.18,-0.6901,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,0,0,2,5,9,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,14,4,1,3,3,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,3,14,3,4,12,2,4,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693831187287277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412348823748573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404114581171789,0.0,0.3122262285131467,0.14704722126293948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508154577855758,0.0,0.0,0.3180523141277008,0.1902894016637899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064351822847409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796560081652334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277238493388765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005596648575797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469116402653316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131102584688902,0.15262264955549715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594295401648865,0.0,0.0,0.19713123036801775,0.0,0.0,0.19695449640852508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188955140811062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195105729273538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24759189846207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thespicyfry,2019/02/23,Have you regretted​ not committing suicide? Did your depression stay the same or get worse after you made the decision to keep going? Especially curious about older generation or people that had depression and/or suicidal thoughts for the majority of their lives.,10.129285714285713,12.745041928571426,9.536666666666667,51.625,58.28571428571429,15.123809523809525,42.57142857142857,13.5591,7.676514285714287,219,12,27,10,3,70,37,42,0.287,0.606,0.107,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,8,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,4,0,5,4,2,4,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587508543131152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913781196831035,0.0,0.15135209914114506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23671167500060825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351596994250049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251992272714776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846282487740376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838547566627616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5826074887322149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142317134549185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139620810897513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iChoosePornhub,2019/02/23,Thinking/Thoughts I’m a 17 year old thinking about suicide and I know you guys probably think oh it’s just a phase you feel like you wanna die at this age but no I’ve already gotten passed that phase personally I’ve been thinking about ending my life when I move somewhere far away from my family I’ll most likely use a gun or overdose something simple without a lot of pain but if I have to feel pain I’ll still do it. Personally I believe that No society is free especially the one we live in today everyone is selfish and ignorant. Idk personally I just got bored and depressed so I wrote this anyways have nice day/night where ever your at.,1.313652530779752,3.956241806201554,3.011272229822165,86.98875512995899,88.30232558139534,5.825991792065665,24.642498860009127,7.285733465282438,1.4208072047423626,519,22,100,9,17,171,92,129,0.209,0.672,0.119,-0.8954,0,0,1,1,0,2,5.0,1,4,0,0,10,10,0,0,5,0,6,3,0,1,1,24,17,9,2,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,4,0,1,6,0,1,2,3,6,0,1,4,2,13,5,11,13,2,16,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,4,10,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174618274547826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622343103945856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753464202540339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037116789889802,0.0,0.1340474872991415,0.0,0.1615237026943117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378456848161471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407800219581331,0.0,0.1487151242396416,0.0,0.0,0.14671804956790382,0.0,0.15738663082602475,0.11118508606938778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244748675942678,0.0,0.0,0.15410230250829834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553247266564477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992902080009602,0.15206999352005687,0.0,0.1374278283106059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323146104733768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654144982900379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605213075200826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163311886693653,0.0,0.10546174515818638,0.0,0.33121147149964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076812768515148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779996427067903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981479189238628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242896535895811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023852754051125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991722862700476,0.0,0.1235561508353525,0.0,0.0,0.14752300054089001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441795769747422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002579135676142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022330635062104
suicidewatch,Friendly1258,2019/02/23,"If I don’t find my girlfriend I’ll kill myself We got into a argument and I ended up deleting all her contacts to her. I had her kik, discord, Reddit user name, her phone number and we played this game called hero’s and generals. She had suicidal thoughts and i need to know she’s okay. ",-0.4383050847457639,1.7072218644067796,1.711000000000002,93.30412711864409,101.54237288135592,4.393898305084746,19.459322033898303,6.2581,0.3045308474576269,226,8,46,3,10,75,44,59,0.229,0.6829999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,15,7,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,14,3,4,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,1,1,29,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804202432082788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299730926236132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405084615771245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29796621540077417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121768374423623,0.0,0.2047464493565445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762447639915216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075146312425767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957670039376896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,colddrum,2019/02/23,"I feel lost I feel like I have no purpose.

I am useless at everything and can't do anything right. Not to mention I am dumb as shit. It's like my brain doesn't want me to learn anything. 

The past ~2 weeks I have felt the worst I have ever felt.

I don't have a purpose, I don't have a life. I have goals, they're unobtainable because I'm literally the dumbest person. I can't even follow a video guide. 

I have almost zero friends, and the ones I do have only seem to want to offload their problems onto me, like I don't have problems myself, as soon as one person stops, another one pops up.

I'm done with it all. Completely done. I don't know how much longer I can go on.",1.6110416666666652,3.0072169097222243,3.512222222222224,91.255,77.81944444444444,6.188888888888887,23.805555555555557,6.816661863887847,0.6321638888888891,521,17,119,5,12,176,81,144,0.223,0.703,0.07400000000000001,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,4,11,2,0,7,0,23,3,2,1,2,20,36,6,0,4,1,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,7,1,0,2,9,7,0,4,5,4,21,4,12,31,3,12,0,2,0,0,5,5,2,2,8,80,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539984069904218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126215813120046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531120287905417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374891816574818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168043107260733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124582296357853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147610005437059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157680295795714,0.13911180265230588,0.0,0.0,0.13821647893899466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552162603080488,0.10986756171812596,0.2953249139963471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881772383013688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740236528491882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451892741830562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862638060854997,0.22540198495839314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787988320473218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305329898849195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126361242686075,0.11696417712490065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468098965561078,0.0,0.2685668820597954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943123998396797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133576590004806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000458269443486,0.0,0.0,0.15786316030489858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857527358560372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141857879940254,0.0,0.12336101099163364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fading96,2019/02/23,"I want to kill myself, but I don't want to hurt my family I wish I could get hit by a car or get involved in any accident which would result in my death. I don't want to be saved, I just want this pain inside of me to end. I don't care about my own life but I don't want my family to feel guilty or sad about me wanting to kill myself. I act happy around them so they don't worry about me, because they have enough problems themselves. My mother told me that seeing me happy helps her getting strength to battle her own problems, but I just can't keep up the fassade much longer. My strength is fading and I hurt so deeply inside, I just don't want to live anymore. ",2.91788732394366,3.647433464788733,3.991661971830986,91.73608450704224,73.50704225352112,6.525070422535213,22.65070422535211,6.2581,0.2867752112676052,520,12,118,3,10,169,78,142,0.243,0.501,0.256,-0.5302,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,3,2,9,15,3,0,2,0,12,2,0,1,0,26,29,8,3,12,8,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,1,2,30,6,17,24,4,8,0,3,1,0,9,4,0,2,2,79,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109701648321036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285177378141708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925230738712655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166043450089648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658058243350238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695571670932699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864830728425513,0.13841591663323508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25257008592611513,0.0,0.06773392058513097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099648436236124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852046410193554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979019245456626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868127136619727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190693100657782,0.2964125570086817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461951788148563,0.0,0.0,0.11828864446901137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984756058820632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254229466440474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563621951073425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674833413276648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800399070986573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5530892613379992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404675101861678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360423192694158,0.0,0.09516094647159304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artt71,2019/02/23,I will ask my doctor for assisted suicide for my depression I believe doctors should be the ones responsible for ending ones life in a professional way. Euthanasia for unbearable suffering. How I wish it were legal but I'll have to whisper it to him. ,3.955434782608698,6.9312254130434825,5.698,70.59700000000002,77.47826086956522,9.76695652173913,33.11304347826087,9.888512548439397,4.434544347826087,203,11,32,7,5,69,36,46,0.152,0.746,0.101,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,4,7,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,6,0,7,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,26,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559141533275415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30841630848817825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357757354556891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603781875707496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424563740190924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933538348930497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709927135243079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994320508536282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728564116957436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147926635979251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tlouellie13,2019/02/23,"final rant i think i have officially given up. i’m scared but i’m too tired to do anything else. nobody really loves me, they just want to try and ‘save’ me to feel better about themselves. they don’t care about my happiness, they care about me being alive so my death isn’t on them. i get it though, i’m not mad. it’s human nature. it’s just life, and my life happened to be shit. it’s time for me to leave. i cannot take the pain anymore, nor do i even want to try and be better. i’m so tired. i don’t want a good life, i just want a life. ",-1.5724690082644628,0.35607189256198524,1.012267561983471,101.27476497933884,94.53719008264463,4.016735537190082,12.521177685950413,5.602791699666715,-1.3522855371900828,413,6,106,3,16,140,66,121,0.155,0.5329999999999999,0.311,0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,4,2,11,12,2,1,3,0,10,9,1,0,0,15,27,8,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,1,18,8,12,23,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,2,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513763631556969,0.0,0.0,0.12560846852563978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699926740713776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31125021906726585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750986910265832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008162805872658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771786049113943,0.0,0.0,0.16720800075503228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797473091341414,0.0,0.0,0.12802592036604932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349777092771143,0.16248650689327515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162211766034054,0.0,0.0,0.43125230752314464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776219322723113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241811116249846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778412281094913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528177527157492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668121264141874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476514555119408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780457870443446,0.14996653773334753,0.0,0.08900472880707985,0.3508709717866528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726302539398814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36012053562177593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacebetweenchairs,2019/02/23,"Why don't I have the courage? I have been suffering with depression since I was 11. I'm 34 now. I've tried a lot of different approaches to try to pull myself out of it, but nothing has worked really. Whenever I get a new start, I'll feel hopeful for a little bit and that will keep me going, but then I get bogged down in anxiety and depression again, screw up my situation, and begin to feel trapped. So, that leads to starting over again. The thing is, I just don't want to keep starting over over and over again. I don't think a new start will do anything for me this time because I see the pattern now anyway. Two years ago, I was dumped and moved across the country to start a new job. I've always struggled to hold jobs, and I was determined that this time would be different. I worked insanely hard and got promoted, but then the stress spiralled into depression again and I could no longer perform well. I ended up taking a voluntary demotion and took some leave. When I came back, I realized I'd completely destroyed my career and that there was no coming back from the demotion. I know in my heart that I will struggle mightily in any job, so changing jobs (again) is not likely to solve anything. I have given up on finding a situation I can be happy in--I know that I'll bring this misery with me wherever I go and whatever I do. Knowing all of this, I don't know why I can't just off myself. Literally everything I do is a chore and I don't look forward to anything--even the weekends are horrible. There is honestly nothing that I want to live for. I don't want to live, not even one little bit. The idea of forcing myself through the rest of my life should be more terrifying than pain, but I'm still too much of a coward. I don't get it.",4.5734487840825375,5.131872655367231,5.579275362318839,82.47553795136332,69.62146892655367,9.320363547040039,30.080569884549252,9.43228470229965,2.501505183001719,1376,52,285,28,23,455,173,354,0.22,0.718,0.062,-0.9952,6,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,5,21,17,3,3,18,0,35,4,1,1,1,50,70,21,0,7,8,0,3,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,14,18,0,3,10,1,0,11,12,11,1,2,9,5,38,6,41,52,8,57,0,4,2,1,0,19,1,3,30,197,52,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599513394264916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133484871067577,0.0,0.0,0.05829984735102931,0.0,0.06558378630290779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109819902724802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318433042010476,0.0,0.05226066725136306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18719154189264345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805313489376867,0.0,0.0,0.09069176214773414,0.07384944686205687,0.08988705645299455,0.0,0.0,0.06844902498670671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151929862807385,0.0,0.0,0.1791407661545035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593199503306415,0.0,0.0,0.11324869883741348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704926686956594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669608255123648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835634902110893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343723296865096,0.0,0.0974455176338466,0.0,0.06856670950937238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126197364706257,0.07679790949552392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015913472030202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851499751024421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967795774476206,0.0,0.0,0.34029814912755657,0.1524028528926991,0.0,0.0,0.18846150456652255,0.0,0.0,0.0907764818428188,0.0,0.0,0.060554161506873115,0.04188371223968288,0.1718494602371487,0.15140363937549034,0.0,0.07199223509437584,0.0,0.0,0.07288521478685694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111821584627988,0.06302196287386125,0.0,0.0,0.24839786714277795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452192658900874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058093372456383525,0.0,0.09122355858418096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492131137347568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831630524435411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091735929838064,0.1927299017512848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30340331760374883,0.0,0.06846468477858242,0.0,0.0982042802907614,0.17924878045281198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445885193269453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695569847054523,0.0549328006057072,0.0,0.0,0.09998057525097608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952500136388666,0.11641109851626362,0.0,0.08374648201996635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169864621405418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708223681800447,0.0,0.15471732803383667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482600878312995,0.0,0.0,0.060900662472253925,0.0,0.0,0.05520778985691671
suicidewatch,thatcrazygirl_,2019/02/23,I feel so stupid for wanting to die Mostly because to fix it all I need to do is reach out but I can't because I feel like I'm a burden on everyone around me. Which leads to me just lingering in depressed thoughts. I don't know what to do. Suicide sometimes seems like the easy way out. I think partly right now all of these thoughts are hormones but they are still hard.,1.9924675324675327,3.8834217532467576,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,78.22077922077922,5.43896103896104,25.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.5592649350649351,293,11,65,2,7,91,55,77,0.298,0.6459999999999999,0.056,-0.9697,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,19,17,3,2,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,9,2,12,15,4,10,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,4,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638169232333006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826480935659077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996785560356867,0.0,0.24060741733682825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215276232860022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344447912890016,0.1656224811547145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767800958560093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741007668367665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652507207895764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190220721402172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25105397135307145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979852385231558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110532535378653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292900657944689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851431836507256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25358911267819395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855006816846866,0.0,0.3681011003671189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674188576882734,0.1840192884656828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darakusrex,2019/02/23,"hello it happened again. all my friends. but not me. most of them won't even talk to me anymore and I don't know why, I don't know what I did to them to make them hate me, I don't know why it's so easy for them to just leave me out of every single thing they do. I hate it. I don't have anyone anymore at all but that's okay because I don't deserve them and I know that. I don't know why people as great as them even thought about making friends with me but seeing all of them having fun together when all I do all day every day is listen to music and cry, it makes me even more hopeless that I'll ever meet friends let alone someone who loves me. I'm sorry for this because I get that it's a waste of everyone's time but it's the last place I have to go to.",0.10139534883721167,1.6161472209302303,2.117616279069768,99.02723837209305,82.6046511627907,4.765116279069769,18.88953488372093,5.148860815047168,-0.6296348837209305,590,14,149,2,16,197,86,172,0.146,0.68,0.174,0.8086,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,8,0,9,10,2,0,2,1,15,1,0,3,6,27,33,11,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,14,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,2,28,7,19,29,8,11,0,1,1,1,17,3,0,1,7,102,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485397367763935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582583955076924,0.09104294500199968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587445330264192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302499219199086,0.16794397964919253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799917162834196,0.11777862925020903,0.21940805797620375,0.12441725209368475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017901078815066,0.0,0.06802717304634957,0.0,0.07399897478298663,0.0,0.0,0.1435523891808301,0.0,0.0,0.11514058701277305,0.0,0.0,0.25710260453002803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577885997892696,0.10613513122413104,0.0,0.13786917559442033,0.0,0.13314428468817655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751584673722044,0.0,0.2607402112911706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090268329298268,0.0,0.13603738128912768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375719010574297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032297871517292,0.0,0.0,0.14575476854530514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465451545832083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650296898634051,0.0,0.0,0.10336888628379118,0.07592406758600563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35247153282164795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,walterstotch,2019/02/23,"idiot all my friends just left me because i fucked up. its been almost 3 days now and i cant stop thinking it would be better if i was dead.

my friend was being groomed by my other friend (15 and 19) and i didnt do enough about it. they also said i talk about weed too much and i dont care about my friends so roughly 11 people just cut me off completely. good things are coming up and i know i can change and be a better person in the end. 

i know im not a victim in all this, in fact im the one who fucked up, but im miserable and all i can think about is killing myself.",-0.6311495535714258,1.2210113984375006,1.5272767857142888,100.39718750000002,87.359375,4.2821428571428575,16.174107142857142,5.288315135182226,-0.9677205357142862,441,9,111,2,14,147,80,128,0.18,0.691,0.129,-0.8959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,10,15,6,1,4,0,15,2,0,0,4,24,24,11,2,2,5,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,2,18,8,12,15,5,13,0,1,0,2,9,8,2,2,4,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506130225910302,0.0,0.0,0.11584843262987728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883083170811718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562425175116734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769945144654406,0.0,0.15324788812724993,0.1247883104591163,0.1518881235206043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342589583394674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697806197175934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830733028596952,0.14968419810446362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476891439879409,0.26785058795904504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215058306829196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694369518522558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027158213857048,0.0,0.1592279545801351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573961709215594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064923923335024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981642260807362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043110265387754,0.12649046966337762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779972269703206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111356856962928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643694379738677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624182285933856,0.1856471962255344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290789029129646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,venezuelasuicide,2019/02/23,"America is about to invade Venezuela. It's going to be Iraq all over again. I'm ending it. I can't watch this happen. I'm fucking done with stupid Americans. In 10 years US politicians running for president are going to be asked ""Why did you support the Invasion of Venezuela?"" And they're going to say ""Well everybody did at the time."" FUCK AMERICA. Goodbye everyone, I'm killing myself tonight. I hope I end up in a better place because this world is a hell filled with lies. 

",2.052579051383397,4.756193250000003,3.0631225296442715,87.99808300395256,83.8913043478261,6.388932806324111,26.841897233201585,7.686295010490155,1.8687260869565208,377,17,71,7,11,120,69,92,0.193,0.7040000000000001,0.104,-0.9021,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,1,0,1,3,9,5,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,5,21,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,1,0,3,2,6,4,14,16,1,18,1,0,1,2,4,7,3,1,6,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193756836070148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634162967783702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330151861810864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209534224922744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36713545776308615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804245336673545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832105617164767,0.0,0.0,0.3533659102584309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832762253656388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585245438459635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292985932437115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653891471416267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648186756777518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23519220327668616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085292321833566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24930403284817665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634847067601595,0.0,0.18701674118680134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334663812822347
suicidewatch,GrandPotatoofStarch,2019/02/23,"Struggling to keep best friend alive. I'm depressed, having come from a pretty fucked up family dynamic, but the most wonderful, loving man in the world did what no rational person would -- he drove my cat piss smelling self from a trailer in Tampa to a job interview in Pinellas County. He let me move in, covered my rent until I had a job, showed me I was smart, pretty, and could in fact function away from my family and even took my elder sister in. I tasted freedom and a healthy life with this man for the last five years (and I've known him about 10). But this post isn't about me...  


He is depressed for very different reasons than I've had mine and I feel he is worse and worse every day. He keeps talking about how he drags everybody down, will never graduate college because he's bad at his Spanish classes (note: he balancing it between a full time IT job), and he's stressed about money.  


When I first moved in, I was blown away by how much weight he lost. He was like a new person. He went into the air force, but was discharged for ""depression"" in basic because he tried jumping down a flight of stairs. He came home along with all the art I'd mailed him and I felt like a puppy dancing at the door waiting for him. Shortly there after he started gaining the weight back and he grew his hair long.

​

Now he's been going to get his BS again, but between student loan debt, classes, work, and me having gone between jobs and settling on one that pays crap, he's spiraling.

​

The first time I saw this man cry, he was leaving for basic. Now it's a regular occurrence. I try to tell him good things about himself and how great he is, but I can see he doesn't see it.  


He has health insurance, but says he does not have time to seek counseling. What should I do? He's my best friend, the love of my life, my savior, and personally the only of three humans on this earth I care for.",4.670952380952379,5.38844543915344,4.9787576719576725,86.29772380952382,69.47619047619048,7.846941798941799,28.347513227513232,7.839951260653429,1.6090692910052913,1488,50,304,17,25,470,211,378,0.109,0.71,0.18,0.9891,8,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,0,0,7,15,23,3,2,20,0,25,12,3,4,3,44,49,24,0,3,7,1,5,2,2,3,3,1,3,8,12,19,3,3,5,3,5,12,5,10,0,5,17,11,32,13,50,27,6,55,0,4,3,3,50,23,3,2,21,182,44,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466332299090568,0.20709389604504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601267536641256,0.06552595825853755,0.07115192466966876,0.103893946579319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885818124914946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746457225268457,0.08688354294124405,0.0,0.0,0.07340616653721235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803816062250811,0.0,0.09360593788656156,0.054957366144658314,0.0,0.22018963197750846,0.0,0.0,0.08903273804138444,0.0,0.0,0.07457322597427074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056284462512697565,0.0,0.07179828060805765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066840187124978,0.0,0.04308784523306803,0.0,0.08182086641264441,0.0,0.0,0.1449696250746947,0.0,0.0,0.1316755701698822,0.07878095630300894,0.04452192052020651,0.0,0.048430301103651215,0.07147526246278409,0.0,0.09395110476279936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058078116361316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547874522944203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382555140030036,0.1514880567905198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946253482476614,0.0,0.09023159721511548,0.0,0.08713928559941593,0.1203813719119027,0.08326461162547992,0.0,0.0,0.07541360998892999,0.0,0.0,0.09302349274355257,0.0,0.1538218024945564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811425599295109,0.06264367437798063,0.0,0.0657239472735084,0.08230228741378938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577446677590839,0.06481072106039623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232223622705948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161351451942911,0.17339091793880165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761639357598043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776730175874209,0.0,0.0,0.13581247505729574,0.0,0.08889902802816475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060316428643168336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761481040143746,0.08908642101334255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849351238131618,0.07448267000302114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661382264624922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907066476208602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467827669591904,0.11571234244213645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031224722080251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075406234643458,0.0,0.07899622357350371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241327816953727,0.062038371160893765,0.0,0.17368507145513004,0.06053510705388535,0.0,0.20709389604504,0.05487640583088015
suicidewatch,DX_Jakey,2019/02/23,"Does anyone else prefer a slow painful death other then a fast painless one? IDK if this is the right place to ask this, please tell me if it's not thx

With all my thoughts of suicide and all the ways I've thought about actually doing it not many of the ideas are quick or painless

I just can't help but feel like I deserve the pain of death, I don't feel like I deserve the ""luxury?"" of a painless leave from this world 

I'm I just crazy or does anyone else like understand too?
 
Thanks",2.041804180418044,3.8595664257425777,2.689636963696369,95.76721672167218,77.8118811881188,5.677007700770076,22.113311331133108,6.42735559955562,0.17194961496149652,383,11,87,3,9,119,67,101,0.226,0.593,0.181,-0.6402,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,8,0,5,2,0,0,2,20,13,7,3,3,9,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,2,7,4,8,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,7,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1583510912748261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269244507959049,0.3325274383342113,0.0,0.0,0.15169956705076634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28400530986272793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711097779092273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640961172976052,0.2318499459532197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087654592109461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318189733050305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718193922261678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378292428315997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645152499756453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995764260954163,0.0,0.34533121518813586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953651947479495,0.1781225827571497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857679987371185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749589807751345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141830217864718,0.1493954510847255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25764684730726195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892770356810138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288015424828214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fti1919,2019/02/23,Ever feel like your beyond help? I've always been that guy who people say talks sense I've used my platform as a successful boxer to advocate the importance of mental health but it's all lies I'm a fraud I just want people to be happy to see the best in themselves I'm a hypocrite I need intimacy but chase off those who love me every day is a battle for survival I've been for therapy I've spoke to crisis teams it doesnt work I've got the distinct impression I'm a square peg in a round hole I'm not happy I fear I wont be until the inevitable happens at which point I'll be exposed as a hypocrite I'm drained I have zero fight left in me I've sat in my chair in my man hole all day genuinely considering suicide as an option ,0.9166139240506332,2.9361358987341784,3.2726424050632907,89.18782436708864,82.41772151898734,5.975316455696203,21.900316455696203,7.1686216300943375,0.7285050632911392,584,19,125,8,16,201,98,158,0.17800000000000002,0.619,0.203,0.3382,0,0,0,0,1,1,1.0,0,1,0,5,3,10,2,1,12,0,9,2,0,1,4,13,24,6,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,6,11,7,19,15,3,15,0,0,3,1,12,11,0,1,5,67,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672148915729595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766069670048325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429390974482666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703724893771586,0.15869218917211772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194503354192465,0.09523493360616203,0.13455659142380802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063993286799202,0.0,0.0,0.1864951612587382,0.16655643356180996,0.4010021096816608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002062213473272,0.0,0.0,0.12624639092236886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464178247463435,0.0,0.0,0.0920178268024616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999236174969626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981153160834627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396584261972305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115501721099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805072207896544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978271595511422,0.0,0.0,0.15008979881690335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602327888259905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138782338276194,0.0,0.0,0.2153935414035304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626730963056882,0.0,0.0,0.11109314342857482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371203439527734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AODeath,2019/02/23,"Strange to hear words that are so true. A little backstory

For years I have thought about ways to end everything. I have always felt useless weather it be work, home, as a parent as a husband, son, brother. people have always said that I am, even if it was just joking I feel that they are right.

So I am always daydreaming about having a deadly accident. An accident will pay out insurance to my family whereas suicide will not. I am literally worth more dead than I will be for the next 15 years of working. 

I started mountain biking recently ( I ride alone) and have been getting out of my own head just enough to be content but every ride there is that moment where I know that this spot would be perfect for an accident. Next month we are taking a trip to and I am watching videos of the trails there and figuring out which ones are the most difficult ones for my level of riding and could easily cause me to have an accident.

Today my wife looked at me and in a deadpan voice said It looks like you are tired of life. I could not speak as she is right, I have been faking being happy for years at work and at home, there are very few things that can make me truly happy in my life.
I don't really know what to do or say as She does not need the stress as she already has to deal with me as a useless husband and father.

I just wanted to at least let it out to people I do not know, so that I could at least think about it and get it out there instead of just in my head.",4.973071244001479,4.953007172757476,5.5934606866002206,84.74433647102252,68.63455149501661,8.682244370616463,27.353451458102626,8.344100000000001,1.613347582133629,1153,32,244,15,18,374,153,301,0.12,0.7809999999999999,0.099,-0.3844,1,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,1,1,4,17,11,0,1,14,0,40,5,2,2,2,46,59,20,3,7,11,7,2,1,0,4,3,6,2,0,17,15,0,0,8,3,2,4,5,5,0,2,7,11,33,6,45,39,7,34,0,2,3,0,19,18,0,3,12,187,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119319443856218,0.11926221196417405,0.0,0.26977837271244703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102164317844253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588645929503987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114194228631135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457617906482862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572137801311856,0.11166920609612792,0.0,0.07138177724811208,0.0,0.09105690352831593,0.0,0.09712983303604568,0.0,0.10188243398963244,0.0,0.05464540004862134,0.0,0.10376787126993207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292828149561075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300933058295075,0.0,0.0,0.22182995659007226,0.0,0.12180711524365702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681382317685446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818373116310704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051286263618283,0.15267155252124892,0.05279943784094697,0.1083184179313844,0.0,0.0,0.1815096770861168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214015287158937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626353845324976,0.0,0.0,0.08013541124802886,0.0,0.0,0.2298755909648455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646731361484625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000325200279954,0.0,0.0,0.14984963867582485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923489373178539,0.0,0.10670991654190777,0.0,0.0,0.18458900286648616,0.20560601357673006,0.08594468567158889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649524720675772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379826227567095,0.0,0.0,0.11821528159431464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125810640763963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179948243064428,0.0692493772856685,0.0,0.08579858728063189,0.0,0.12421502462206002,0.10244139973796186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891722678847158,0.06374477342965819,0.08578401404938042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360372113375118,0.0,0.0,0.07677258224569948,0.0,0.0,0.20878810255920194
suicidewatch,yknotme2,2019/02/23,"I’m between hanging and helium. Can’t do this anymore. You ever get repetitive “seemingly irrational” thoughts that just don’t stop until you feel totally helpless? It’s not just suicidal thoughts but for me Im also CONVINCED I have an std. being single and safe but sexually active has felt like I’m playing Russian roulette with my life. I don’t have one night stands but I feel like a whore and panic and tell myself - okay this guy has AIDS and now I’m sick so the best way to not deal with it or to keep people from knowing is to end it. I’m driving myself and friends and family crazy because I haven’t left my bed or eaten in 3 days and I’m terrified to get tested again and have it show I’m basically diseased. I can’t get out of my head and I’ve been sobbing endlessly knowing I’m making myself sick because I’m an idiot who thought she enjoyed sex. Like it’s a sin and I should be punished by having an std or feeling endless guilt that it drives me to kill myself.

I’ve never posted on Reddit before and idk if I’ll get any responses but I’m hoping someone knows a little of what these intrusive thoughts feel like because I feel like this may be the day I have to do something about it.  ",2.945282258064516,4.502711350806454,4.471806451612904,85.08770967741938,74.60483870967742,7.056774193548387,27.72258064516129,7.7348632917899725,1.6815058064516126,957,38,191,13,20,320,141,248,0.207,0.608,0.184,-0.8395,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,1,8,22,3,2,8,1,21,9,1,1,3,51,52,23,2,3,12,0,6,5,1,2,5,0,1,1,15,15,1,3,14,2,0,3,8,9,0,1,7,6,20,13,19,40,3,22,1,2,0,4,8,5,1,7,16,117,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097277149210185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272080420746908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206362841708764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224556985932847,0.0,0.10350847389503984,0.0,0.12765588682470305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689819193617974,0.12540767127542385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077388017226381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003225013888313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467335283372565,0.0,0.30752952177964804,0.2607034371483137,0.11679549897828735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398039030582317,0.0,0.2542119217562125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044481071052515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248398957750262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081805937345425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139434970749642,0.0,0.0,0.10812109403039537,0.13457896888132165,0.0,0.2005539627662993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216450543414254,0.0,0.0859194177267271,0.29714094608170644,0.1219173479807185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119705114784058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381789210002536,0.0,0.0,0.11415287738057793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242783998698129,0.0,0.0,0.14272080358770226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433132098918929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649951374989785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110738405871478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306696271924087,0.09364603704751473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169824842401304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305672200550833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632056331896296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862809823671195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965538427515278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rg24,2019/02/23,"Anyone else smoke a pack of extra strong cigarettes per day hoping to get cancer? I have been severely depressed since around age 16 and in my early 20s developed crippling anxiety to go with it. I have been thinking about suicide everyday for about over 10 years now. But I have never been able to do it because it would devastate my mom and my sister. Me dying from cancer would obviously do the same but they would get over it in a few years. Suicide on the other hand would scar them for life.

Anyone else can relate to this?

Also please don't post any comments about ""get help"" or some shit Im not looking for any of that sympathy bullshit.",5.712340000000001,6.436518584000003,5.98535,79.98042500000003,67.16,8.81,29.225,8.841846274778883,2.25462,513,17,95,8,8,164,86,125,0.215,0.667,0.118,-0.9414,0,0,2,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,1,0,4,0,14,5,2,0,2,18,21,6,3,5,4,2,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,2,9,2,20,14,4,16,0,1,1,0,6,6,1,3,8,67,16,0,0.14900766704828106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916137750352306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266064656691626,0.0,0.11399045744001506,0.0,0.0,0.20837925080197026,0.305351927604761,0.0,0.13264841513292566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083369079346924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960976181494113,0.0,0.12834008528561108,0.0,0.15464643311943987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24895357114524214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233551067904212,0.0,0.08468449106657278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987669827564567,0.0,0.0,0.147998234931168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609538502561873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052485219164447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251289117806417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451597873432825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492389885892558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635656722564011,0.0,0.0,0.1427081555086831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683362504183919,0.1529542289273476,0.12326068198508228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259804056556305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954780963786482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234030857290952,0.0,0.0,0.19191210434165307
suicidewatch,madaradeath9,2019/02/23,"Why Do I Exist? I thought I had finally gotten over my thoughts on suicide awhile ago. My life was looking up, and I was finally beginning to start looking at life through a new lens. I'm currently in high school, and I currently attend a community college halfway through the day, but my parents are paying for it, as well as for my phone. Today when I got out of bed feeling like absolute shit, the first thing I wanted to do was take a shower while listening to music to take my mind off of things. Unfortunately, my mother decided I would clean my room first. This is no big deal in of itself, but she also decided to take my phone away for an indiscriminate amount of time ""just because"" basically. I said OK, and cleaned my room. I then went to take a shower but found my phone on the table, and figured that I could just listen to a song or two while showering before putting my phone back.  Well, while I was showering, my dad busts the door in and decides and asks ""Do you have your phone!"". The unexpectedness really freaked me out and I just said no, and he left. I then realized the consequences of my stupid fucking actions. Mom now knows that I stole my phone back and lied about it.  My plan was then simple. I was to hide my phone until the parents leave, and put it back around the area it first was and play it off like nothing happened.  I was pretty sure that this would mitigate damage, but while doing the dishes, my dad found the phone.  I thought that I had hidden it well enough, but apparently not.  He didn't tell me, but left with my mom with my phone. I'm pretty sure they are discussing it now.  This may seem like a simple easy problem for many of you, but for me, this is one of many things that make me consider suicide.  You see, the impact this will have will most definitely be drastic. My mom has repeatedly stated that there are many things that if I do, will make her stop paying for my college.  I am currently 17, and where I live, you are not considered an adult until 19, so I am fresh out of options.  She has said before that my education is built on trust right now, and if she ceases to trust me, she will stop paying for my college. Unfortunately, it seems like that has happened just now. If my college is taken away, I will be unable to graduate high school, as I am a home school student.  I would have to go back to public school, and take another 2 years of high school instead of finishing next year.  I would rather die than have that happen.  this leads me to where I am now.  Mom will come back and start yelling at me for being a terrible son, and lying to her, she will say things like ""I trusted you"" and ""I thought you were better than this"". I honestly want to fucking die now just thinking about it. Slit my wrists and get it over with. We all die eventually anyway right? well, whatever. thanks for listening to my rant.",4.514558810110413,5.539841758007121,5.084448398576511,84.27584953006662,70.03202846975088,8.326380144173738,27.577516196733278,8.617729084823388,1.8168148006204945,2236,74,458,36,39,717,241,562,0.139,0.733,0.128,-0.8938,10,0,0,0,1,2,77.0,1,7,1,6,32,27,4,0,21,1,52,7,2,3,3,82,100,44,5,12,19,10,1,5,0,12,2,9,11,1,33,27,1,2,16,2,3,8,5,8,4,5,25,13,80,19,68,59,4,85,0,1,3,2,50,32,3,9,49,331,113,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053943195264442384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866473776208779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381048362422582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417275691370327,0.056890060153376776,0.0,0.11434823991278999,0.23396396367277936,0.0,0.03709589327545377,0.0,0.10356415209849967,0.0,0.0,0.053820214201960516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242013436356773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048586783507811294,0.0,0.0,0.039245647245594185,0.06273756463387015,0.0,0.0,0.18946981659499407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628782114916891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030769494486665938,0.043473945339019306,0.0,0.13332466072080632,0.0,0.1552865566382454,0.0,0.1334460353076939,0.0,0.11251665928094967,0.03179358309918274,0.0,0.03458459978065282,0.0,0.04867031884562052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143836311344653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288604684665395,0.06104129287128805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03344364044523762,0.0,0.0,0.06443535567897946,0.13223559799252765,0.0,0.08596563460773522,0.14865039052697596,0.0,0.05373499366908669,0.0,0.10220368051855244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124072782245499,0.1850885137489586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144496008734693,0.28508479906248424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058772950123648374,0.06471867460498477,0.0,0.0,0.058390833405009085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123608935737386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351418197175512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382032252245025,0.0,0.05822883926400507,0.0,0.1223496932437744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389844832148652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039375739027608,0.17365761149736975,0.04839336027510535,0.0,0.3079363195726572,0.04849257580521581,0.110797973124872,0.0,0.0,0.06246552025744787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614522302298938,0.0,0.0,0.10175295288978466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331282944957668,0.0,0.11470791581509875,0.0,0.2287723079053441,0.0,0.05318887708618268,0.056025975314792135,0.0,0.0,0.2021427033958473,0.03899263855147098,0.0,0.19324438331103289,0.035484322571789864,0.0,0.057682258371957576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944529074351518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178626024706435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885938935151025,0.056412054317511263,0.054911062089978216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291508848205456,0.0,0.0,0.07837566522660294
suicidewatch,Doolots,2019/02/23,"Fuck. I'm tired of feeling ""tired""
I can't concentrate for two fucking seconds.
I picture jumping from a balcony and the crack
of bones as they hit the pavement.
I scream silently and cry into my pillow.
Why do I stay here?
What's the point?
I'm just being stupid and dramatic, right?
I'm fucking tired. 
",0.2530000000000001,2.591391633333334,1.696666666666669,93.585,99.33333333333334,3.733333333333334,24.33333333333333,5.6839178017228535,0.6440333333333332,238,11,46,2,10,76,44,60,0.3,0.677,0.024,-0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,4,0,3,7,1,0,0,6,11,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,0,2,6,0,6,9,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722438729250632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999078041235313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484634420514363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694222780984646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888153838873485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107803292773512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6818702346317325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193177727240828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844296902659446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Miamisuicide,2019/02/23,"Each day that passes only gets worse I made the worst mistake of my life, and because of it I lost my fiance. We were together for 5 years and friends for about another 4. She was my best friend, and my soulmate. She left me almost 6 months ago because I cheated on her. Every day that passes I hope things start to look up, but they are only worse. I have never regretted anything more in my life, and my own actions took away the only thing that made me happy. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at a young age, and can truly say the only time I've been happy in my 30 years of living were the years I spent with her. Every day for the last 6 months I contemplate ending it all. I don't think I would ever actually go through with it, but suicidal thoughts have plagued my life daily. The only time where they weren't was when she was in my life. I don't know if I can live a life without her. I don't know if I can live a life knowing my actions lost me the best thing I have ever had going for me. We were so happy together, and I destroyed that. I keep hoping I'll feel better, but it only gets worse. I started getting active and eating healthy to try to better myself, but then I hit a rut again and don't even want to leave the house. I went out with friends last night, and after an hour at the bar I had to take an Uber home because I started crying uncontrollably for no reason. I spend most days crying. I just want to feel happiness again and I am so scared I never will. Before her I lived without happiness, but not knowing what happiness actually felt like almost made the depression bearable. Now that I know what happiness is, I don't know if I can handle this black pit.",5.311434782608696,5.100113904347829,6.084166666666667,82.16625000000002,67.92753623188406,8.871014492753623,29.13405797101449,8.395991825355821,1.91647536231884,1327,41,273,17,20,437,165,345,0.16,0.633,0.207,0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,2,6,12,28,2,2,16,0,28,10,0,4,5,61,63,22,1,10,12,0,3,1,3,2,8,1,1,0,15,18,2,1,12,1,2,8,12,11,0,0,21,6,56,17,32,39,8,51,0,5,2,0,15,11,0,8,33,189,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.12478868669975365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667725052468321,0.0,0.1280495034880126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670446522261426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052615592340978345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600719313049834,0.0,0.0,0.11692818118965045,0.0,0.05440659720923318,0.0,0.13419814155316026,0.11309607258757776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046595816848442,0.16493908972486068,0.0,0.11013955002145574,0.06489580578078173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065424618469767,0.0,0.0,0.056630161459755635,0.0,0.0,0.042230499129367896,0.11567130860034212,0.1077411808285338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465802920978123,0.0,0.0613905840714708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819520707416595,0.0,0.10021502428004203,0.0,0.07267496915801122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764429290133972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413510789371135,0.12700988130881408,0.06296612990748568,0.07377596035972178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683110369010318,0.0,0.0,0.21083218137301651,0.10423613855348447,0.0,0.06770119527702283,0.06946891149998377,0.0,0.2709681426150693,0.031236916475516838,0.0,0.22583398578412514,0.0,0.05369188436926902,0.0,0.1395919354628684,0.0,0.0,0.18149927306781205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020695316364516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098625978616616,0.0,0.0,0.0600015572272649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29176674810004416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573899558504394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050846127868353484,0.06401317262868317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357671073110415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993788245274772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807347931355503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743285879828312,0.04096894025217114,0.0,0.05075969393227108,0.07456561778518496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103755997803225,0.04340975962644545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754246728675877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927124115454775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326805585525012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954750991150186,0.04541977788556792,0.0,0.0,0.12352208257159852
suicidewatch,RyleeIsSad,2019/02/23,"I don't want to die I just want the pain to stop Hey,

I was thinking of killing myself tonight. I've never been in this amount of pain before, and it's fucking killing me. Been depressed for years, but for the past two months I've been living in emotional hell. And to be honest I can't take it anymore. I tried to hold out. Listened to the people saying it'll get better, and I don't think I ever believed them but now I don't think any amount of feeling good is ever going to make up for feeling this way.

I'm trans, and my treatment has been delayed by another 5 months. And on top of that my family hates me for it. They act like nothing is wrong but as soon as its brought up it's a disgusting secret and it just ends up in shouting. I've tried to get them to listen. I've presented resources for parents of trans kids, studies, argued at length (because a discussion just isn't viable) but nothing works. All my family focuses on themselves. How my transition effects them. I understand it's difficult but just ignoring it isn't dealing with it. I've given them time. I've given them reminders that I exist. And why do I have to justify myself to them? Why do I have to justify my existence to them? I'm so done being patient I just want to live.

But it doesn't work like that. I'm broke and facing being cut off financially from my parents, and I look disgusting. I can't get over how much I repulse myself. I've gained so much weight which is just  making the dysphoria so much worse, and my room has so much clutter and shit I can barely move. 

My course work at uni is non-exsistant. I've not even gone in in over 2 months. I'm not sure why I'm not even kicked out yet. I just think I'm done. I don't want to die but I can't feel like this anymore",1.4640450310558997,3.4026739293478308,3.1964409937888227,90.87278260869567,80.08695652173913,6.270931677018634,23.286024844720497,7.33818517376401,0.8905429192546586,1378,47,298,19,35,458,167,368,0.185,0.7070000000000001,0.109,-0.9814,2,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,0,8,7,20,24,10,0,6,0,32,6,2,5,5,58,66,26,4,4,17,2,4,3,0,1,2,4,1,1,18,14,1,4,10,0,0,5,14,17,0,1,11,9,41,7,46,51,7,42,1,2,1,1,19,19,3,0,20,190,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625921200068103,0.09651468486037253,0.0,0.0,0.1825630407813994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610831082520056,0.0,0.07832146800109491,0.10370048396591217,0.0,0.08140419438613815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489187255190144,0.07927615110246683,0.0,0.1910513612664516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883830597696416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035355293441868,0.0815224183495596,0.0,0.0,0.12158653015960863,0.1665155911211628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353913156235415,0.0,0.13961850287087035,0.06575524734684089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509189474251161,0.14426536890725145,0.0,0.052309927135304836,0.0772009606837474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087300566463373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366298541986094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490208612650792,0.0,0.16255059311216544,0.0,0.07729259720790872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287829206539215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040256051690027,0.0978267107067494,0.2706475877725139,0.0,0.07098892252525447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766347021598001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958796184137362,0.0,0.20440481564607446,0.0,0.08786507054537059,0.06381074524432112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319596484789892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448039976926194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695172974712779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674905530477177,0.0,0.06920457563773019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359087101631597,0.0,0.0,0.05367077658693506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498175860705656,0.0,0.08991223975562206,0.09581958612227202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715642607728824,0.07305912666739565,0.0,0.11208308273575024,0.0,0.0,0.24916237357667706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010243133574916,0.0,0.09379926642272214,0.0,0.10063412714790046,0.0,0.05927241262277313
suicidewatch,sadpepe1324,2019/02/23,Fuck this world... Fuck everthing... ,4.311999999999999,2.9395092000000003,1.9050000000000047,85.85750000000003,157.0,9.0,22.5,7.1686216300943375,3.391,26,1,4,1,2,7,4,5,0.7,0.3,0.0,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glitter_hippie,2019/02/23,"Probably won't do it but I yearn to Found this place after looking for reliable methods to kill myself. I probably will never have the guts to do it, plus it would kill my mother, boyfriend and friends. But I want to the pain to end so bad.",2.766020408163264,4.34333616326531,3.877295918367349,89.08288265306123,75.12244897959185,7.348979591836735,26.535714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.5413632653061224,188,7,40,3,4,61,36,49,0.348,0.57,0.08199999999999999,-0.9725,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,9,9,5,2,3,2,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,5,1,8,5,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130902419180124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354366883226264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643544868218986,0.18627381243629154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334844327777927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246387577191266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595173290236408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565481570123148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518989289389634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198946930848862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220744696325816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127102867476962,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadTone666,2019/02/23,"Figuring out my identity but still feeling unwanted I've always been depressed. I've always had suicidal thoughts but last night I told my GF that I don't want to live anymore and I truly mean it. She expressed she's worried about me and did her best to console me while I cried but I have no one to talk to because I can't tell her that she's contributing to the way I feel.  


Backing up a bit -- I've dated men all my life, I knew I was at least Bi but every woman I tried to date just treated me like shit. I finally found my current GF and have been with her for nearly 2 years now. I identify as gay now that I know and understand why I never felt attracted to the men I was with. My GF has known she was gay for almost all her life so she's been with way more women than me. It hurts because she doesn't want to have sex with me and I feel unwanted. I think of myself as a placeholder for her -- someone to comfort her because she doesn't feel good about herself anymore. We fight about sex all the time, I want to experiment because I just finally accepted sexual identity but she has hang ups and doesn't want it. She had no problem talking to me about sex she had with other women which leads me to think the problem lies with me.

​

I feel alone and unwanted. I have trouble making friends. I'm consistently stressed out at work. I feel like I'm going to die without knowing what it's like to have a normal relationship with someone I'm actually attracted to. I don't have health insurance and can't afford therapy. 

​

I don't know how to get help.",2.7293604784909107,4.434221105590061,4.2691856452726,85.69602369450197,75.52173913043478,7.627513227513227,27.764435242696113,8.401726058763845,1.9556607775477344,1244,51,256,23,27,415,149,322,0.228,0.672,0.1,-0.9922,2,1,0,0,1,1,31.0,1,0,0,3,12,19,2,1,7,0,26,10,1,3,4,64,54,18,2,10,8,0,7,3,4,0,3,0,0,5,10,18,0,0,20,0,0,3,12,8,0,1,15,7,56,11,42,39,7,27,0,2,0,6,35,7,1,1,18,173,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.09421932110173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966813387104744,0.09999715816020714,0.0,0.0,0.1606754339427891,0.20922476550602645,0.2346387530342817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915042242916584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424134380964957,0.0,0.2354250563510565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132375077137168,0.0,0.105408095649045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060561463266424,0.0,0.0,0.08315876946793829,0.0,0.10020413382302984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134792648942288,0.0,0.0,0.09444487617307418,0.0,0.0,0.29291288066421045,0.06897566770560652,0.0927035824516627,0.2115326185173079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058625955872558,0.0745946456650266,0.0,0.05044363022307849,0.0,0.05487185125709397,0.0809819447957956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262862376435736,0.0,0.0,0.06471573794453789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335926401929699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918482292515093,0.0787015110785244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639289005322405,0.14150903298065326,0.0,0.08525582480675317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444818158031118,0.0,0.0,0.1051717553569136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446566667224687,0.0,0.0,0.09060606592649813,0.09459895090817948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542509024227151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847715010283348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365906072330328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991076594207438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636137823814912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710532184046451,0.0,0.11059822538318452,0.0,0.0,0.1056105321445537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552072044904201,0.08438935741675305,0.0,0.11041386512972398,0.0,0.0,0.12373127208572582,0.0,0.0766502802155001,0.056299349492753975,0.0,0.0,0.09225810182806284,0.0,0.06555142440169702,0.0,0.0,0.10051243358871056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277918506828301,0.15327452172116887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712177242125832,0.0,0.0,0.09307119774532194,0.0,0.07028988457633828,0.09805167850220974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346387530342817,0.06217533051944962
suicidewatch,Str8xXxEdge,2019/02/23,"Today is the day I've decided that after years of attempts and constant contemplation, I'm going to end it today. I'm going to get extremely drunk and (probably) make a bad decision.

But I don't care anymore. I just lost my job, I found out all this shit about my now ex-girlfriend that has brought me to my breaking point. Not to mention, I only have $50 to my name and rent is due in a week. I'm at wits end. I, and no one else, has any answers so this is my only way out. I have no family, no friends that really care, and nothing to leave behind. I'm worthless alive and I'll be forgotten when I'm dead.

Anyways, I'm done venting. It shouldn't be much longer. Just want to enjoy my last 6 pack.",1.3389571502323179,2.8878204899328885,3.6102013422818793,89.59348477026329,79.0,6.732266391326795,24.213216313887447,7.61054688173877,1.0786846670108412,539,19,121,8,13,186,95,149,0.215,0.713,0.07200000000000001,-0.9696,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,1,0,3,0,12,2,1,1,1,21,28,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,0,4,1,1,3,6,4,0,1,4,0,13,4,15,21,2,23,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,13,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525623576909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808448786151953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415136616187867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456043769191205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831540657617048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930439551932852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344293777994724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158373605108726,0.0,0.3002284335069944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597762390883834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858325603917252,0.13094439937494012,0.0,0.08854939658154931,0.0,0.19264550535481548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681886209387225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815364368583996,0.0,0.17946111471902024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501389998688908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313316596123438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245916506073381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262630883023166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484804397753345,0.257803355060056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021897465693524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273448487962507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085770186377196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739748586591908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213056645024171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999671853262586,0.1345300323322644,0.13595137972578886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914337400793944
suicidewatch,Fade_2_Black_32,2019/02/23,"Need someone to talk to... This is a burner account obviously I just needed to talk to someone so I decided to make this post. I'm a 32 year old male and depression has me unable to be a functional human being... But let me start at the beginning. Me, my brother and sister were molested at a young age by a family member (the reason I mention this is because I feel this is a contributing cause to my sisters paranoid schizophrenia and my depression) and grew up in extreme poverty but that all changed when she met my stepdad when I was I believe 13, before that my siblings were ""hitting licks"" on houses and stealing food from the fridge and clothes, now I know what a POS I am for it but we just thought about not going hungry by any means (please no harsh words I was a dumbass kid). When she met my stepdad things changed because even though we were poor before, now we had basic necessities but they would close their door so in exchange for sustenance we lost our mom. Fast forward a while - I started doing heroin and meth and was in and out of prison for a while (relapsing also) then the last time I got out and relapsed. I went to a rehab by El Paso that helped me greatly so that I could be a contributing member of society. When I got back to the world and tried to get a job in my city but after so many tries the last straw was when I went in to an interview and they were laughing at me telling me ""you think we would hire someone with that many drug charges, stick to mowing yards"". I cried for days straight and that was over 2 years ago, since then I've been reclused in my moms house (I was living in the city previously but after my moms divorce and my stepdad doing crack and trying to kill her I moved back.) She has several medical conditions and just broke her ankle requiring her to need a cast and she needs constant help. I don't want to go outside, it physically scares me part of me believes it's because all the people I know are trouble and walking prison sentences or maybe because I feel like the world hates me. There are several days a month when we don't have food and the water gets cut off and get electric assistance every month. I know I'm a POS for relying on my mom to pay the bills and she constantly needs me to help her (seizures, lupus, bipolar, maniac depressive, possible early stages kidney failure, and she survived ovarian cancer) but due to my felony convictions I can't be hired through Home Health Care to get payed to help her.(100% my fault). I find myself crying over everything simple shows of affection on a show have me busting out in tears. I'm not asking for financial help at all. I just need to know how to overcome this deep pit of depression. I want to help my mom so much but after over 20 employers not wanting me in my city (we have no vehicle to branch out to other cities) then the call-in where I was just their court jester. I know my life choices made my life shit but it hurts watching my mom suffer. After her illnesses affected her she lost her job and is on a disability check. I want to move back to Dallas to start to try and find a job but my mom constantly says ""I need you here, I need help"" so I feel stuck in this situation. I won't kill myself I'm too much of a p**** to do it. I want to be normal again, I want to be happy again, I want to be a contributing member of society instead of contemplating death. Someone, Anyone want to talk. I think I deserve this, to die in constant suffering but my mom doesn't. I've debated months about posting here but finally decided to do it. This isn't a begging or please help me financially post, I just wanted you to understand why I'm so low....",4.1969567966280295,5.32104767671233,5.06335616438356,83.76486564805062,70.86301369863014,8.409905163329821,29.10695468914647,8.786649364141006,2.1803814541622755,2884,110,580,51,52,939,327,730,0.205,0.728,0.067,-0.9988,6,0,2,0,1,1,80.0,8,3,4,4,38,27,7,1,35,0,46,14,2,7,4,111,106,59,4,21,23,11,3,1,0,3,9,1,3,3,23,37,3,1,18,3,7,9,11,22,0,0,24,6,103,5,91,69,6,96,0,11,1,0,62,36,1,2,50,388,126,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043670683386941585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039397413232537135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03350206839684233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034447417548059966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046056370829405315,0.0,0.0,0.11364583945856255,0.0,0.12012658888643706,0.0,0.08384222095779098,0.1110101625007632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050305341978376585,0.0,0.050229219254519605,0.0506089961126469,0.10423223238336324,0.0,0.0,0.21295299112845004,0.0,0.03933430396471409,0.0,0.10823115675217472,0.06354403838245294,0.0,0.1697283962380105,0.0,0.05112956528523142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057132064699396766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03253924175358445,0.0,0.04150810909263334,0.0,0.04427644197845712,0.0,0.046442905708402496,0.0,0.07472999208423828,0.035195113918900005,0.0,0.05396768783779912,0.09005511621414884,0.0,0.11914350378171495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295626682507973,0.0,0.055997168861835735,0.0,0.07880386299806859,0.0543151266693432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244378882753166,0.0,0.048639248053460274,0.0,0.05236667110121923,0.0,0.0,0.264171739985178,0.0,0.049417075897036235,0.0,0.0,0.11369099864976105,0.05273948325167334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666451610171716,0.0,0.10900942908945882,0.0,0.13537450145759214,0.08031552981322113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037706951033544,0.06959502477945623,0.02406851914583519,0.0,0.04350213004287545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755770896674743,0.0,0.0,0.04661598328387848,0.03288494577922926,0.09989448892012978,0.04949357864933538,0.05366431430045274,0.0,0.049629569769117435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615910472954186,0.1179691893559919,0.10472235651321704,0.07243127406459944,0.2922365477742696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048269497992133,0.0,0.0,0.051695606485446834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334947924919485,0.0,0.03415433047156937,0.0,0.0,0.10815692996420162,0.0,0.055539182087439694,0.14154751208870167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065289575258647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039177714709780785,0.049323122921134034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131144937550186,0.05057008477882555,0.04075273486450808,0.055376220041459916,0.0,0.0,0.16696919076437267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461062071384868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879265742788167,0.04306001154641923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03272965183358144,0.06313438290983835,0.04840287102269682,0.03911111604767918,0.028726971189528376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337915195956189,0.0,0.0,0.051286876489823364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26152135822437456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133878522508956,0.044454237373528674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999325906545234,0.0,0.0,0.06345042863280385
suicidewatch,Benal_apg,2019/02/23,"The reason I’m still here Honestly I really wanna die. I tried once and my friend found me ODing on Xanax and alcohol and called an ambulance. My parents had to fly home from their vacation in Hawaii. I was in the hospital for a week, they said I have bipolar. I’ve been on SSRIs on and off since I was 13. The only thing keeping me from going through with it and not fuck it up this time is my family, mostly my dad. It’s awful, I’m addicted to drugs and alcohol, I put myself in terrible situations and I hurt or annoy everyone I know. I feel so guilty about all the money I’ve cost my parents and all the pain I’ve put them and my whole family through. I know it can’t feel good to have a junkie for a son/brother/ nephew/ grandson. Most of my friends stopped talking to me after that but I don’t blame them. I don’t want to be around me either",1.6354818435754197,3.3658137877094987,3.6055272346368703,89.138905377095,78.72067039106145,7.380027932960894,23.47800279329609,8.278499904357787,1.309516480446928,664,22,147,13,16,225,110,179,0.116,0.816,0.068,-0.8015,2,0,3,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,4,0,5,9,2,0,9,1,11,8,0,1,2,29,23,12,1,2,4,5,2,0,2,0,7,1,1,0,7,11,2,2,6,0,2,3,4,5,0,0,6,3,28,4,25,16,6,17,0,1,0,1,14,9,1,3,5,101,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947677380031375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126772380949506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022836448917052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493775850116346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182504848661105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696489779394152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978555822922648,0.0,0.0,0.27581679490922745,0.0,0.14793638616326166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039850947007195,0.2260452790288247,0.1352419680180317,0.0,0.0,0.08313949893895207,0.12270040392620962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673995177309296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660556778011486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002852397968895,0.0,0.0,0.16079338936673065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557931774328488,0.0,0.1112594956471848,0.15566197679025168,0.0,0.3248735925318063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941220154674834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937165796751834,0.1504096174243248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391544878201662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101190206193906,0.16443514131007814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682670944173935,0.12230428532453305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758168275196255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718801536571503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853023836481438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932073466879997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862851347925803,0.0,0.1173443374102448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332661907311374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,authenticcett,2019/02/23,"Need some help I want to kill myself. But I'm not sure. I have easy access. I've been clean from cutting for almost 6 months, but right now my bipolar is making it really really hard to stay alive. I've been crying on and off for a couple of days. I'm taking my medication, but nothing seems to help. I don't know how to get out of the self-destructive patterns I've carried with me my entire life. I feel alienated and worthless, like my friends and family would be better off if I wasn't there. I know people love me and I know they would be sad, but I just don't know if I can take this any more. I try to get out of my self-destructive patterns, but it's so much easier for me to not eat and sleep all the time and smoke weed and vape and cut myself and not talk to anyone. It's easier for me to almost not exist. And I don't know what to do. I'm really really scared. At this point, I’ve been going to doctors and therapists and all of this bullshit for years. And no one actually knows anything. Nothing has actually REALLY helped, just temporarily. I am unable to relieve the horrors of my past through anything or anyone, and constantly am in fear I will harm myself. I have intrusive thoughts about jumping in front of traffic, or off tall buildings, or swerving into oncoming traffic. And I’m consistently nervous my subconscious will take over and I’ll be dead. My brain wants me to cut myself and bite my tails and pull my hair and starve myself. The only way I can get through this pain is through drugs, which are a whole other problem in themself. None of the habits I currently have are helpful to me, and I don’t know if anyone can help me, or if this is going to be my life. If this is going to be my life, I might as well leave now.",3.75033426183844,4.6099858941504195,5.031569916434542,84.56544958217272,71.67409470752091,8.19525348189415,26.0591643454039,8.488131031819089,1.6058805793871862,1372,42,288,22,25,457,174,359,0.189,0.6890000000000001,0.122,-0.9825,1,0,2,0,0,4,39.0,0,0,1,1,9,19,4,3,7,0,34,13,3,2,3,69,62,37,2,11,20,0,3,1,1,5,8,0,1,0,12,24,1,0,10,0,0,6,11,12,1,1,5,3,43,7,46,47,7,32,0,2,0,1,9,15,0,14,10,197,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.18077852438103653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855023952931224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298861074360854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942980011880528,0.0,0.1524460172535017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819198504944009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034008461883156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009540982655664,0.0,0.0,0.10248850771264337,0.1017449150040504,0.0597358743844977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480626633331472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741633446931133,0.09477915264557499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731920891619947,0.10422959526121264,0.046834306134072336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156233887256372,0.0,0.1451792200822281,0.0,0.15792385549460886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297437895523113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104250665638844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024765458503167,0.0,0.3563324015187209,0.0,0.0,0.09807717754462712,0.0,0.0,0.1962726841339504,0.04525220848140212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359825548431009,0.0,0.061828333238307685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933105865145432,0.0,0.09826116540061088,0.0,0.0,0.07393290129696377,0.0,0.06809050225908883,0.06868073761433932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775359736890714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276553011204422,0.07044597228043924,0.09856021041887504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884216531719947,0.06421495538123312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756116804495094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863022709404297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966917805807344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910178955172896,0.0,0.0,0.09273442324627612,0.0,0.0,0.08432290290979119,0.1932574846187585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269253206267243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872660687021156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729856851586923,0.0,0.20892885922608048,0.07444897997829224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075455059228518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353441092931333,0.05401075493806251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288672872955073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926600338163367,0.07352192081718703,0.0,0.0,0.08328157329369426,0.0,0.0,0.10341321801752708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131597192678583,0.0,0.0,0.05964787462262317
suicidewatch,Vansf,2019/02/23,"Im 13 y and im weak af Hi my name is Vans, 
I fucking hate myself and i think other people think the same, i cant sleep i cant eat and i cant play guitar anymore because im physicaly weak. I dont know what to do anymore i have a drinking problem and i try to kill myself every weekend with pills. Nobody is interested in me or what i do, i dont have anyfriends out of school. I have so much more to say but i dont know how to put it in Words.
Sorry for my bad english, its because im from belgium",-2.71733638443936,-1.1066769304347783,0.930526315789475,99.17157894736843,105.2608695652174,3.1167048054919912,17.356979405034323,4.9825596385082,-0.7616086956521739,383,13,95,2,19,138,68,115,0.183,0.799,0.018000000000000002,-0.9321,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,2,0,13,7,1,1,0,17,19,8,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,6,2,0,4,4,0,1,6,7,0,0,0,1,17,2,11,19,3,5,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,1,59,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222394078230777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145953654930328,0.1673287804376988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825567677819342,0.13444963740957214,0.0,0.1404377649737637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563636888601403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268824775063669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550282470579886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930004877013363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518432762874231,0.0,0.15085453064966142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089220768797293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514966698799007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132667527372782,0.0,0.13797096625621624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091441833734425,0.0,0.13890111345737882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373459423225641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363658324917567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758844464646694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318158458659534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greenteabossfight,2019/02/23,"Note I bought some rope and tried to write a suicide note last night, cried for the first time in years

Would my mother ever be able to smile again after I do it, she wasted every drop of her soul to raise me and work like a dog to feed my ungrateful fatass, what should I do

I just don't know, what should I do, I just don't know, I just don't know

A garbage, a catasthropic failure, a wasted investment

I am a child patiently waiting for his parents to die",5.734375,4.585136187500002,5.9105000000000025,86.88450000000002,67.33333333333334,8.93,28.575,7.554174236665415,1.3968024999999993,358,9,81,3,5,114,62,96,0.259,0.691,0.05,-0.9674,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,7,0,11,1,0,0,1,15,16,2,2,3,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,14,1,10,11,1,10,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,9,54,17,1,0.26066855192034044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863321642322665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705328026364479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357896287681849,0.21962449753534413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217245371008501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297698571915626,0.21247966078324887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734948759113685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446197778052621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894415788642135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28512908758287475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199792886571634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769768360207769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976981034547752,0.0,0.0,0.18517146033808768,0.0,0.0,0.1678620010825177
suicidewatch,notclementinee,2019/02/23,i wish my abusive parents would just kill me already it’s a really messed up thought and i feel bad for saying it but i can’t take it anymore and i just want it to be over. ,-0.2511538461538443,1.5179335641025666,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,85.15384615384616,4.925641025641027,22.570512820512814,5.985473137389443,0.14725128205128213,135,5,33,1,4,46,31,39,0.246,0.669,0.085,-0.7389,1,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,8,3,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,23,10,0,0.0,0.3504849545035477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264322711013917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933627576236014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698791983769186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495697736050212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272685137851469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32846056974520904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950263648572374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352389618708368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241133870645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483907636830495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447564336420093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401654219245285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013402290668826,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,terrible_mind,2019/02/23,I just need someone to talk to. Im seeking help but I don't have anyone who could help me.,-2.2300000000000004,-0.4280549523809505,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,98.5238095238095,2.8000000000000003,16.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.2722190476190471,70,2,18,0,3,24,17,21,0.0,0.735,0.265,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853615857523272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258444363260261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5470980990661186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408312801325605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30261007436661924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457921989495233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32802518071742864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Karling20,2019/02/23,im tired everything is all so stressful i wish i could just lay down and go to sleep and dont wake up,-1.7299999999999969,0.10028933333333434,0.8049999999999997,103.54,93.16666666666666,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.6478166666666665,80,2,22,1,3,27,21,24,0.263,0.627,0.11,-0.6325,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,6,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622983015458757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38502565527697297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952546342211151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18670677758799736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548604277268402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287595261721145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763211518323947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775880233001401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777843989457367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DameGemma,2019/02/23,"Target on My Back This is the first time I’ve ever posted anything, but the reason I came to reddit was to get off other social media. I’m a 20f with two herniated discs in my back, so my left leg is always in pain/losing feeling. I live in the US and my insurance cut out because the company messed up and now it’s passed the date to get insurance, so I’m stuck in chronic pain for the next year at least. I deal with depression and anxiety and take medicine that doesn’t seem to help anymore. I’m in school, but it’s getting harder and harder to want to continue. I’m half English and grew up in England and I long to go back, but I feel trapped here because of my brother and father (whom I love dearly) spending so much time to save me from my abusive mother in England. Of course, I don’t want to return to stay with my mother, but England feels like home. I just got broken up with after a 2 and 1/2 year relationship. Didn’t know there was issues. Just one evening, “I don’t love you anymore, I’m breaking up with you.” He admits that he didn’t want to add to my stress, so when he was having doubts, he kept them to himself. I love him so dearly and I’m crushed. I feel like every “win” I get, I’m smacked in the face with another problem. It’s like I have a target on my back for God/karma/or whatever else. I’m sick and tired of being here. I just want to sleep and not wake up. ",2.231304347826086,3.443998510204082,3.8843330375628535,89.98106033717836,75.80272108843538,6.473587695947945,24.007098491570535,6.8959733430537185,0.7179664596273287,1078,33,239,10,23,361,152,294,0.16899999999999998,0.669,0.163,-0.6283,0,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,2,1,2,19,17,1,2,10,0,13,11,4,1,1,46,45,22,0,5,8,4,4,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,8,21,0,1,8,0,1,4,6,7,0,4,9,4,30,10,45,35,2,44,0,1,0,3,23,19,0,2,21,148,38,1,0.0,0.13061583684355324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172813431720757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559577712779395,0.08433295181466954,0.0,0.2186560170037274,0.0,0.0,0.09071775426889304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33906962824379644,0.0,0.13440200944654132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260846737649677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365213248758554,0.09494916040649756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209099599644016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728121811846823,0.09971798171123668,0.09288157304874654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229617094245099,0.1575103089915233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376970247191076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230382453621262,0.0,0.06265167510469248,0.0,0.08816863641323447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389124469055386,0.0,0.11057925415351247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506144606901995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058477208879904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977559051206955,0.0,0.0,0.16157242293765167,0.0,0.09734353979691417,0.0975585301728018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29848648596923233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810387514645764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172410090119389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470117015642064,0.0,0.2346053012221811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557901312403536,0.0,0.0,0.1054843584262794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334461481911676,0.0,0.1183560176175826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156830710294084,0.0,0.1003579433982812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031916081139667,0.11237533550434806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750068940089325,0.0,0.0,0.1262790287755602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288641995998683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856313290758686,0.12670414253212525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768801911219904,0.0,0.1326046017585893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26008856441912426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198130801092018
suicidewatch,crunchy_napkin56,2019/02/23,"My loneliness is killing me I feel so lonely and I really want to make some friends (I've never had any in my whole life) but no matter how hard I try I always end up isolating myself from them. I'm extremely antisocial, introverted and closed off to others - I still don't know anyone at my school (I've been here for over 4 years) and I didn't know anyone at my old school either. I tried joining clubs, using MeetUp and going on camps, but I felt isoltated and left out there as well. I'm known everywhere as ""the loner"" and people always make fun of me because of that (including my family) I have tried talking to people and people have tried talking to me but we never go any further than having a short, meaningless conversation once or twice a week. Because of the lack of contact with other people I speak very incomprehensibly and it really puts people off. Because of that I became afraid of speaking in general and every time someone talks to me I feel as if I'm being interrogated (even when it's a small question like ""what's the time"") and I always manage to embarrass myself by saying awkward things (due to stress)

I really don't know what to do and I'm slowly giving up...",4.444872506942686,5.7869901244635225,5.9106589245140135,77.09777833880334,70.5021459227468,8.40080787679879,25.723049734915428,8.841846274778883,1.97314713456198,941,28,172,17,17,319,137,233,0.124,0.799,0.077,-0.8757,0,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,1,0,8,10,1,4,6,0,11,1,0,4,2,40,28,22,1,3,6,0,4,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,9,15,0,0,8,1,0,3,6,6,1,1,4,7,27,4,33,23,4,30,0,1,0,0,13,16,0,4,12,118,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803800762718733,0.0,0.0,0.15276419069000194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707483492529498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540941958657666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994830200743098,0.0,0.0,0.07418692591262757,0.0,0.09463524188264888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058861921567936,0.0,0.11358569094691985,0.0,0.1078457230233383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677888472766604,0.0,0.0,0.10774848678502516,0.12766916479276225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006175060813482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426648569256622,0.0,0.18518596443299665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203703713973407,0.0,0.07933560631652166,0.054874340964077305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995020809885415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325767678656373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786193905153687,0.11961814238180155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893460092705752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291357459788776,0.12582516606077862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586702362406307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932212497792442,0.0,0.22734958899938534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516917356842973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969965305459399,0.0,0.12866326485027582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27083796673275584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462104600075771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309904944602444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050341992337502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700923465105916,0.0,0.09267654415538323,0.0662498044466714,0.0,0.0900970882764552,0.0,0.10099002020688502,0.0,0.0,0.12540232567916465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233100703073005
suicidewatch,23Juice,2019/02/23,"I have nothing I’ve lost everything and it’s all my fault. I’ve been depressed for years since before I can remember but I’ve hidden it from everyone so well. My whole life I’ve let opportunities fly by me and watched others move on and grow up and accomplish there goals. Recently I’ve lost my job, girlfriend of 6 years, all my friends abandoned me, I’ve  dropped out of college, I can’t sleep more then a couple hours, even my wallet and phone. I have nothing going for me. It feels like every time I try to improve my situation things never go my way and only get worse. I have no will to live what so ever. The only reason i haven’t killed myself is because I’m too scared. I’m currently waiting for a drug dealer to respond so I can buy Xanax and get some liquor and hope I just fall asleep and never wake up. ",2.2250000000000014,4.096903404761907,3.6684761904761913,88.70985714285717,77.45238095238095,6.3847619047619055,23.7,7.3011,0.9126399999999996,644,21,135,8,15,212,107,168,0.136,0.7020000000000001,0.162,0.5699,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,5,9,12,1,1,3,0,11,7,3,1,5,24,22,14,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,0,6,10,1,2,3,1,1,5,5,7,1,0,3,2,20,5,14,17,5,21,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,2,11,82,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917440309459741,0.0,0.12447835366580536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618623412924101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599565644069305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696449658433895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662032319155643,0.1323237879182817,0.1232520089426738,0.13978225238506853,0.13147215187518824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739664437784691,0.10450653114045494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301996659714328,0.0,0.1528564778885714,0.0,0.16627506547987472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529470446212225,0.1440619445000118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516598198358574,0.0,0.16184344966167388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958703630504627,0.1033259139478059,0.07146780236071687,0.0,0.1291729504975551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193762374922494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547854507970849,0.0,0.0,0.2256490954518256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28073014316833816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251372885441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040606032757348,0.14443947771412255,0.0,0.16571317796804022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464575024072854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210090402034285,0.1644312525181447,0.1463913427450078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718571692775843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530036629820999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931838579331792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611477721142575,0.0,0.0,0.1315284097767173,0.0,0.0,0.1633227564970627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907762274319836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840638535988508
suicidewatch,Mikael_Dhatz,2019/02/23,"Im tired i really am... I feel empty now... After exploding my feelings out I just feel.. empty
Yesterday I blew up releasing all pent up emotions but now I feel empty and tired. Yesterday I slammed a wooden armchair straight on my head and now I still feel empty.
I don't know what to do. I can't talk to the one who related to me the most and made me feel at home.
Not being with her is taking a toll on my mind.
I've had multiple times where I blew up but yesterday was the worst.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel human anymore..",-0.2742980295566504,1.8667446982758624,2.493152709359609,91.94568965517244,89.08620689655174,6.0729064039408875,20.354679802955662,7.447530270364453,0.7603714285714291,419,14,94,8,14,146,64,116,0.179,0.8,0.021,-0.9465,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,0,11,3,1,1,1,22,22,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,7,18,0,13,18,3,18,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,9,66,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483576508750565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756131158898374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6216304137907582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802481447707504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617228073708474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971169129150486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304448304566849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618636260538489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733731133795744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901215667376293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251375910076587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025919733969747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205270516846648,0.14116559923196004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241188781935323,0.4037241513264835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loljustmeee,2019/02/23,"Idk Hello, i am a 15f who happens to be autistic. In 2017 i was put into a mental hospital, which made everything worse. I went from being suicidal, to being suicidal and wanting to hurt myself. Do to my autism i tend to copy ppl to try and fit in. After watching ppl self harm/attempt suicide in hospital i am now struggling a lot. Was discharged in 2018(near beginning), but i am not allowed to go to skl. When i buncked pe( i didn't want to show my fresh selfharm scars) around this time i also shaved my head, and felt embarrassed.

I like routine. Anything that disturbs my routine makes me suicidal. I cant help it. I feel like everything is going wrong. I am not really allowed to show any sign of sadness tp my family. They think im selfish. I really want to die. But i can't. But now i really want to chop my fingers off. Ive been thinking about it for a while. I want to do it, but my family will reject me (i suspect).

I want everything to stop. I can't understand. Why? I cant understand anyone. No one can understand me. I am alone.",0.4691609619097754,2.8736194407582967,3.0606213796735133,87.03850798665968,89.18957345971563,6.538248200807443,24.4024925399333,7.793537801064563,1.7386512550465154,806,35,161,18,27,279,120,211,0.281,0.659,0.059,-0.993,2,1,0,0,0,4,37.0,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,3,4,0,22,2,2,4,0,32,43,10,5,6,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,8,2,0,4,8,8,0,1,7,4,35,2,26,32,1,20,0,3,1,0,5,8,0,1,10,110,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336767600928152,0.0,0.08753522083721325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443663720538543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653706309455942,0.0,0.09007635464365496,0.0974427163870583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360232617651027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295127101639463,0.0,0.20637852457528366,0.0,0.05534632711075698,0.0781983337610968,0.10509888374469824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441742085064933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967952252944768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233766547115716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336881314410686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717932560767864,0.0,0.11823571631973252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695337413246214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930590822658488,0.0,0.10357381504245942,0.07306548209178558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103100587147318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417301221281505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003765673019436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103688730917014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419078068213763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151356414977764,0.0,0.11443148692771128,0.0,0.4789264339752423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402752540582976,0.0,0.0,0.0638270779915794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431623838361995,0.0,0.0,0.3418555451665976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873744994491585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147063067934978,0.09877073559814367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154921680364516,0.0,0.11967746119118275,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zoro1238,2019/02/23,"It’s so hard to reach out I contemplate suicide on a regular basis and sometimes it feels like my mind is tearing itself apart when part of me wants to die so badly and the other part is trying to hold on. I don’t have many friends. And with the friends I do have it’s difficult to reach out to because they don’t ever talk about serious problems. I tried bringing the topic of suicide up once to my best friend and he said that he would say to the person he/she is being selfish. I told him that is probably one of the worst things you can say because it does not even acknowledge the emotion of the person who is suffering at all. He doesn’t see a problem with this.

I feel alone. At my university I can socialize with people no problem but when I get home I feel alone left to think about suicide. I try to make new friends but no one really cares to talk with me. The constant hope of trying to make a new friend to feel less alone in this mental state and failing makes me not want to live.",3.462162601626016,4.578482273170735,4.360487804878051,88.14186991869921,72.60975609756099,7.417886178861789,26.83739837398373,7.793537801064563,1.3983593495934956,786,27,167,10,15,254,111,205,0.213,0.66,0.127,-0.9345,0,3,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,1,1,2,8,19,0,0,11,0,15,0,0,3,2,35,32,11,4,7,4,0,5,1,5,1,0,3,1,2,12,11,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,10,0,2,2,9,19,9,32,28,6,18,0,2,1,0,21,10,0,1,7,114,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009591983514845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087565380064549,0.11809224971132296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165060476772804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098757178706158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467332019594797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052737611659032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476451529164943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895661806143854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639763818851807,0.0876171483257205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959051800925304,0.06919817202931437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741763795042389,0.0,0.0506063531977376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676925097255092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716039922440672,0.09620573800125233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524075497322463,0.0,0.0,0.04732183939458617,0.0,0.08553084627840818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939682429029259,0.09820277958190544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761402899997952,0.0,0.09780292276906337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709968380423406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315477913759276,0.13127228195719606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097840314577111,0.0,0.06715185639017184,0.16915217754472348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044335279541794,0.2780513159113807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062052223577576386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213786311843633,0.15405696645561773,0.0,0.0,0.0771864061691712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873852508917733,0.0,0.0,0.0957989115175553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178536438083184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570787777447034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435075287037224,0.06206520455689636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255571151038497,0.0,0.26305153068617704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426333513510248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880792590789993,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rivexile,2019/02/23,"I'm sick and tired and just want to leave it to stop The people in my life are just awful, there's no one I would consider a real friend and my life just feels completely not worth it. It's exhausting wading through this life that gives me close to no gratification. I just want a break from it all, I want to be hospitalized or in a coma or euthanized, anything to make it all stop, if only for just a bit. Life moves too quickly and there's too much to be done, too much to worry about and not enough to warrant the effort. I just want it all to pause, but i wouldn't mind it all ending. I know for a fact that I want to die, but I don't know if I want to kill myself yet, i don't know if I could go through with it. Right now, I'm just hoping something kills me out of dumb luck, but if this goes on for much longer I might just do it myself...",5.5076026570048295,3.6190719945652177,6.235507246376812,86.77084541062807,68.18478260869566,9.482125603864734,26.96618357487923,7.793537801064563,1.141137198067632,653,12,162,6,9,216,92,184,0.207,0.6940000000000001,0.099,-0.9711,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,17,7,3,0,7,1,11,8,0,1,5,53,27,14,3,14,19,0,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,4,0,1,2,7,4,0,1,1,1,18,3,24,20,9,15,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,9,6,116,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779500604584534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300900740874725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373423028868375,0.0,0.0,0.10458621177509693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594870135968165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404998616119898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601976382535675,0.13534944008079636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623333825087954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120386075544582,0.0,0.0,0.12565917259046305,0.0744456005455642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301043123760748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898458110879508,0.0,0.2159688340908688,0.0,0.0,0.13870129422669036,0.0,0.0,0.3700932400688654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874379754263449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138961490883913,0.1322642732086698,0.0,0.0,0.13922344432106604,0.2888819098688993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876336449836747,0.0996250888633953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081314983838601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909722979054266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186619416611814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084380861598496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190298495055054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055568692541393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46357378332327703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302842757020872,0.0,0.0930527437579107,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iam_bond007,2019/02/23,"One month countdown before D-day I just gave myself one month countdown before leaving this world. I hope things would turn up little bit to stop this countdown. Also want to know how to dump my corpse after D-day event so that nobody can ever found it, don't want to be ever existed in this world.",4.864830508474576,5.812341203389836,4.962500000000002,85.75527542372883,69.16949152542372,6.5779661016949165,23.224576271186447,5.985473137389443,0.5242508474576266,237,5,45,1,4,74,43,59,0.133,0.778,0.08900000000000001,-0.5770000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,11,11,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,4,1,7,7,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,7,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716542281765345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557472221248593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282123655155817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696209007694763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781687224057421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291963744324216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761918028182966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488031278255627,0.0,0.0,0.22133815924667133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950824720375288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336999022711429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832954056578567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476283829907854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887373912449344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737033814266805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465888258838486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484926520048637,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blzedandconfused,2019/02/23,"Thank you to everyone!! I wrote on here a little over a month ago on a throwaway account. It was suppose to be the last record of my life, and it should have been but for some reason I'm still here, and I'm glad that I am. I tried to kill myself in late January after posting on this site but failed-again. 

I spent over a month in the hospital, and quite honestly, it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I got the help I desperately needed, met some amazing individuals, got myself on social security with the help of the hospital, got on some meds that are doing wonders, got placed at a great home- finally not in the ghetto (also with the help of my case manager at the hospital.) I have a support system now and I am 40 days sober. Thanks to everyone on this subreddit. Even though I did not listen after my original post, i do see now that people here do care. To everyone in a bad situation...get some help!!! I felt like I was in a hole and the only way out closed in on me, I felt like I was suffocating in that hole...I thought the only way to cure the agonizing pain of that suffocation was suicide. The mental hospital has some amazing people who don't just want to put you on meds and make sure you take them. The mental hospital actually cares about getting you out of a bad situation. Please take the first step and find help if you need it. I promise you things will get better.",5.157472689075629,5.313244860714288,6.384243697478992,78.6266386554622,68.25,9.873949579831931,29.327731092436967,9.773937934552695,2.51991806722689,1091,36,224,23,17,369,144,280,0.105,0.629,0.265,0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,6,1,4,12,21,1,0,24,0,20,2,0,3,2,38,49,12,2,5,6,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,15,12,0,1,6,0,2,2,3,4,0,1,16,4,29,17,40,30,6,47,0,0,1,0,17,25,0,7,17,158,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.09335118575248948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479756749744734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649994341077472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597456201087342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039015531840416,0.08460424385587231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506521445244104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169333138266931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318308610990056,0.08653071124439833,0.0,0.2742241113674969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836988261892176,0.10479178014135113,0.08743227954549486,0.08136906612857905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499365302123164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060348670264445,0.10546641963595324,0.0,0.0,0.0845925695581578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205972407425393,0.0,0.09595562752650756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583455197126186,0.0,0.0,0.0779763565878426,0.10790960017133072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756808405003256,0.0934701139777835,0.0958772979784258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385435704443145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125152678290637,0.0,0.19280726474682586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271114809292735,0.0,0.0,0.1418626093249987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550876695961895,0.10178988397121798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263837058977876,0.0,0.09994522294674042,0.10500688170703687,0.0,0.0,0.1832332933604687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616557121125684,0.0,0.10174708408369536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983552812412704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622930843843435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752679812936757,0.0,0.09751418491077812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639487461242729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463743835514086,0.10855479359380968,0.09015921457876667,0.0,0.14385010102608914,0.0,0.0,0.1761433077917067,0.0,0.0,0.12710562992270333,0.0,0.09398629479301172,0.07594402573386977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494743460373685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056423245034414114,0.15186225267817285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374010608996788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slimeytea,2019/02/23,"Just need to vent it out I attempted with a over 70 muscle relaxers, sleeping pills, and booze to interact and it didn't
work. Despite reaching out to multiple people for help and support..even my partner of 3 years didn't stay to see if I was okay when they found out what I did. I woke up 13 hours later alone in and out of consciousness in my own vomit.  I checked myself into the hospital and stayed for awhile but now I'm out dealing with everyday life again and boy I tell ya. I  don't feel great. I've struggled with depression since i was a kid and the best way I can describe how i feel is akin to when a animal is so sick it would be merciful to put it down. Im crying for help at this point, I feel even more alone and without friends than before the attempt. Im tired, i don't feel okay. I'm hurt and i feel like I can't do this life. Im yelling into void here because at this point it's my only way to vent to someone other than myself. I don't feel like I'm gonna attempt rn but this is eating at me tbh. I'm trying real hard to be healthier and more emotionally aware but idk how i feel besides just sad and alone about all of this and doubtful in myself and my ability to cope with my mental illness. ",1.5042508361204057,3.1563899000000006,3.3417725752508365,91.23801003344481,78.84615384615384,6.521739130434782,23.22742474916388,7.423996415210882,0.8375484949832779,954,31,214,13,23,320,139,260,0.197,0.705,0.098,-0.9842,0,3,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,1,1,5,12,13,0,2,6,2,17,10,1,2,1,47,33,22,0,3,7,0,8,2,2,2,7,1,0,3,12,24,2,0,9,1,1,1,7,5,0,0,7,10,27,8,40,22,5,31,0,3,1,0,11,18,0,2,10,135,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461244593393151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790723843528843,0.0,0.09479156516976027,0.0,0.11690541711123854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236556512305705,0.0,0.11484653378762515,0.09594700706493643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398805114632585,0.0,0.12530785144473938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715476856522205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942835311140328,0.1591656278466241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214224996004815,0.0860658838559192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281678158246352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979080302133383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933557592314128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970467393244908,0.0,0.11925395359427013,0.0,0.3609871422469094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736752322422545,0.10884695443841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226306820531667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826002682385893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472326315665009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722940556059901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061439405062848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198584341797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679540846174325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876985069732919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214964676805858,0.0,0.11147853500181763,0.0,0.09438723561277768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23747107247324145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645746518024315,0.0,0.0,0.12641322631943575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736683604237792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803571097037966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563198710643694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684522886219115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738377834048407,0.0,0.08109913236077489,0.0,0.0,0.07913400315918287,0.0,0.0,0.07173671417678196
suicidewatch,Master-Oatmeal03,2019/02/23,"Not sure if relevant here My gf isn’t suicidal but she’s in a fairly deep depression (aka, self harming) and she’s permanently breaking down and crying. Not sure if it’s just cos she’s 15 and isn’t fully able to cope with it yet or whatever but idk how to help her. Im not very good at being supportive but maybe people here could help before she gets any worse",1.1684210526315797,3.3662861052631605,3.175526315789476,89.21618421052631,82.6842105263158,6.957894736842108,20.026315789473685,8.07648339933343,0.9386631578947372,288,8,62,6,8,97,56,76,0.272,0.62,0.108,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,19,6,10,1,3,10,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,6,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,1,36,8,0,0.2291284132108473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581517813145826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497140353737968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829403936001908,0.0,0.2516868028707053,0.0,0.0,0.19734796655334996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971013897616364,0.0,0.0,0.1921820420773252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30715989111113673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474980049008287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019028802222835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884879176265626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903090602903102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506292950063489,0.2600122080171276,0.4319016356556718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905493716760272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335014280498303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mychamberofsecret,2019/02/23,"Why Lately, for the last few months, I've been thinking 'why am I still alive, why am I not dead yet, why am I still here?'

It's tough. I want to want to live but it seems like everyday I'm going deeper and deeper into my self loathing. I know I'm not a good person. I lie, I have bad habits, I procrastinate, I manipulate people. I hate it. I tried to change, and I changed for a few years but ever since I dropped out, I'm back to my old self again. Why. Why am I a relatively good person only when everything is alright? Why can't I keep being a good person when time's bad? Who am I really?

Who am I? I know, deep down I never care about anyone at all. Maybe it's because I'm dead inside, maybe it's because I choose to not put my heart out there. I never liked being hurt. Did I ever grow up at all? I don't know. I hate it. So much I rather be dead than this person who constantly hurt other people. But even if I tried to change, to care, it's all artificial. Even if I trained myself to care, to be more mindful, it's never natural to me. I hate it.

And lately, maybe I'm depressed or maybe I'm just lazy, I don't do anything at all. I stopped trying. I want to try but can't get myself to try. I say, later, later, later. I've cut myself from my friends. For a month, I didn't reply to their chats and messages. So callous. But I just can't tell them that I dropped out. I can't summon the words. I chickened out everytime. But to lie and not tell them is hurting them all the same, yet even more hurtful, that much I know. Better for them to think that I just cut off social media than worrying about me who they can't help.

They keep contacting me, even dropping by once and I said I'll go back online. But I didn't. I feel guilty, and I know I should just tell them my problems and my suicidal thoughts, but I just can't. I don't want them to see me differently. Better for them to see me as this strong cunning girl that I am not.

Yet I'm breaking. I hurt my family with my words and actions. I get angry with them, blaming them for every single thing that goes wrong. I can't stop myself. And I cried afterwards but nobody knows. I regret being angry for not counting the changes. I regret mocking them when they made a mistake. But I never can stop myself in time. I'm just so in character that even my mom start to hate me, distrust me. Hey, I wanna change, I swear! That's not who I want to be! I don't want to be this ungrateful brat who manipulates people! I'm sorry.

But I know nobody cares enough. I don't even want to explain myself. Who wants to know how evil I am inside? I'm just gonna make it worse. I want to run away but I don't have the drive to push myself. I want to die. Really really want to die. And I shouldn't. But I do. I'm just this weak. Why am I still alive? I'm just wasting space, wasting everyone's time, wasting the money my parents earned. I'm sorry.

Am I not better off dead?",-0.2857090798663826,1.8258533354735176,2.0503607218775777,95.3575340549217,88.67897271268058,4.780087631773025,17.086655676543316,6.243973517019112,-0.3682235304325192,2240,54,516,22,74,758,225,623,0.271,0.614,0.115,-0.999,2,0,0,0,0,4,98.0,0,0,14,5,39,39,9,0,12,1,43,2,1,5,11,110,102,35,7,21,34,2,1,2,1,3,1,2,0,7,30,18,0,5,15,1,1,8,28,24,0,0,7,5,106,15,58,85,14,67,0,8,2,0,43,17,0,4,40,338,136,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0354089512987201,0.0,0.04167274162065596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047578331071580215,0.07787869708135367,0.08456525223547492,0.0617398463850997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343619790701033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206525087214404,0.0,0.2678541892922858,0.0,0.0,0.05472429160519704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562611120405641,0.0,0.0,0.04361650991701156,0.0,0.1051134985421542,0.0529084489607222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052325079350973115,0.0,0.20068507456777535,0.09161429800099416,0.042666728538139416,0.048389080779505766,0.04551233413966295,0.0,0.04773927055941207,0.0,0.025605312276048564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039124654239370366,0.0,0.052915047010724234,0.0,0.05756022268806085,0.12742431691391906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199987678394584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060009128281903086,0.03394319858151502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710580250860253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002304430011633,0.0,0.0,0.22264515463373444,0.041278692077853785,0.1142491737915122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494806916122621,0.0,0.044716408767934375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047917179264248336,0.03380286612002817,0.0,0.20350038879386345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113237695561298,0.059309434774048764,0.08084138237315769,0.0,0.07445305449325594,0.0,0.1562280206726323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313859042835786,0.05393038267466604,0.0,0.03851431285576866,0.0,0.0,0.056230181112024914,0.0,0.0,0.1053230497718081,0.1768690067780968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484560321091009,0.0,0.05090759784407901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973246278455671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048170625329683865,0.04027128565496503,0.0,0.0,0.08070769879567496,0.046101126273702914,0.10565798133490333,0.0,0.0,0.041890269483736316,0.0,0.0,0.05162151950021334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337558337691235,0.03584354201121782,0.0,0.12132448770802018,0.1270129479157706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553923879838045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278584813873978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033643237441020275,0.0648966584101778,0.0,0.04020282801863784,0.08858648887603181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719075673428033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285592769012759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655607388240155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051427793305913724,0.051606902924021564,0.0,0.05536733738577807,0.0,0.03261076297239587
suicidewatch,iwtara0214,2019/02/23,"My brain just wants to kill me whatever I try so I'm giving into it I look in the mirror everyday and smile trying to feel good about myself but all my brain tells me is

*You're so unattractive, that ugly face shape, how'd you let yourself put on that weight, no wonder you can't get a boyfriend or friends*


I sigh and try to ignore it. I try to go about my day and overcompensate with my actions to try to at least look happy and be fun to be around.


I lived on campus for two years in a studio but never met any friends thanks to a misguided mindset thanks to my mother that drinking and partying was stupid and irresponsible and that I was so responsible and mature for not drinking throughout my last two years of school and at uni.


The praise made me feel better and more mature than people who drank and because of that, isolated myself and became lonely, worthless and bitter.


I met a guy that brightened my dark life  and made me feel needed and let me feel friendship. He was someone to talk to at all hours and his compliments made me feel worthy....


But he was only after one thing and caught up in Bipolar Disorder, he turned nasty against me and cut me out in an instant. 
But played cat and mouse glancing at me in class and stalking me online, denying his actions and making it sound like I was the one harrassing him.


I was deeply jealous of him, as he was popular and held parties for his friends and always has people to go out with. I just want to be like that. Seeing his constant snaps going out with friends or having parties I wasn't invited to was a stab in my already fragile heart. He has seven hundred friends on Facebook, minus one when he unfriended me. For doing nothing.


Even now I'm not sure that he ever existed. Maybe it was just a delusion created by my mind to make me feel less lonely. If he wasn't I did all I could becoming someone I wasn't to keep the company and conversation. Even agreeing to sleep with him as a trade off for an hour of company, human contact, to feel less lonely.


I have friends, but they moved away to other colleges and they have their own friends. They got lucky.


I missed the boat and made another mistake by moving to a small boarding house in an old two story house, Edwardian with a wrap around verandah, timber fireplace in my room and my own bay window and lovely french doors. With the kind of old picture windows that rattle with a light breeze. It's a beautiful and huge room but it's missing something, human contact. The other residents are international students straight from China who barely leave their rooms only to go shopping or to class and have no interest in making friends. 
It's so quiet and lonely. I wanted to go into a share on campus. I have a lot of friends in class and talk to them online, organised classes with them but one day a week isn't enough, I want to go out somewhere with them but they have their own friends so they wouldn't want to.



I'm trapped. I've made all the wrong decisions the past four years and only had a revelation about meeting people and partying when it was too late and I'd chosen to live here. My lifes the epitome of unlucky and bad choices.


Every few days, I'm lulled into a sense of security and feel fine, motived and happy until my brain crushes it and drags me into a puddle of tears and regret. It taunts me and gives me one option...


*You're worthless, you've screwed up your life and there's no way to mend it, you don't have any close friends so people wouldn't really care if you were gone, they'd get over it, Mum and Dad are holding onto you but they'd move on, there's nothing more for you to do but kill yourself,""*


...So I'm planning to





*Disclaimer: I'm sorry if this sounded self indulgent but I just wanted to get it out to someone who wouldn't sweep me away on a wave of ""dont's"" and ""we'd miss you""and wouldn't listen. Thanks ♡

",4.153574679546722,5.411077633289988,4.787902424298718,85.19414418075425,71.10663198959688,7.313403306706298,27.77635612112205,7.6454224807358475,1.5591157161434142,3056,108,603,35,56,979,334,769,0.191,0.665,0.14400000000000002,-0.9935,0,9,3,0,0,1,76.0,1,7,13,4,26,56,7,0,31,0,47,16,6,9,7,136,109,73,2,17,23,3,10,2,11,4,4,4,8,4,29,65,4,5,11,4,2,14,17,21,1,10,28,20,79,34,107,68,15,84,1,10,4,2,72,46,1,10,25,403,108,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060235991046917126,0.0,0.04541915771342668,0.0,0.0,0.07423944984434569,0.057237213767123166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718458446683344,0.0,0.0,0.1025689554450866,0.0,0.04557626020810558,0.03327455698021744,0.06028493024929678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827606578584909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828049986458692,0.0,0.0,0.055653125045825806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898707774104945,0.0,0.04358174324881195,0.0,0.0,0.10560857902536087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255922855236029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397330502558284,0.10694519159828783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640097720678972,0.0,0.07210585858531522,0.049375328212225816,0.045990282549339935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079884475547049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638952554461709,0.0,0.08555535120156182,0.10472596155356123,0.1861317468477008,0.04578337375369911,0.04365667341256768,0.0,0.0,0.0540478091903534,0.0,0.11621366132354853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468358038646706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751061323867683,0.12596770283007416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851772546391997,0.12078060297032893,0.05684195908153258,0.0,0.044494124039313576,0.06157434567550064,0.05779771626363545,0.0,0.11163388125522923,0.11566516484137615,0.053335023939098634,0.0,0.09639924804596996,0.0,0.0916754360314272,0.0,0.0,0.046406281434866366,0.049265164145027504,0.25824860363506225,0.10930789051107766,0.0,0.054838047702464136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055115368442319915,0.0,0.0,0.17404589864093514,0.0,0.0404741437793164,0.04209937730775337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475170924340503,0.0,0.11455571457227072,0.0,0.18494130802764588,0.12454323481917352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210763349374647,0.15136968105827575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487308000810362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034968598773053666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524301321342687,0.04349724010597854,0.0,0.05694414104003141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462449880838525,0.0,0.13874927866175005,0.04202225992069703,0.0,0.061103526006681536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514457901381376,0.0,0.0,0.08774683629011383,0.04770976420964265,0.15076381858294824,0.0,0.0,0.0362639004395186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529842491668966,0.05937289049237637,0.1599650693970107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931741599468284,0.04332709428363887,0.043784857144922806,0.06646991984178692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919518877518625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596802140126679,0.0,0.10545300199728694
suicidewatch,throawayredaccount,2019/02/23,"After being happy for so long my mental health is beginning to get worse again I'm only 16, (pre transition mtf transgender) but for a few years I have suffered from mental health problems as a result of several things like bullying and something thet happened with an old friend that caused me to do ridiculous things at the time.

Up until a few months ago I was getting extremely bad emotionally but just had to sit through it and somehow I managed yonge better but recently I'm just being reminded of the past and its making me incredibly anxious to the point where its the only thing I can think of. Anxiety is making me contemplate suicide. I have tried counselling twice before to no success. I really dont know what to do. ",6.3962935928629365,7.491654890510953,6.797761557177619,73.43845904298463,65.78832116788321,9.884509326845095,33.47039740470397,9.994966539143718,3.5339511759935114,588,25,98,13,9,191,97,137,0.227,0.6609999999999999,0.113,-0.9634,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,8,0,12,2,0,4,0,17,22,9,1,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,10,5,19,18,2,17,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,13,73,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727663277149285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846970826925148,0.17495101718230213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930406776810696,0.0,0.0,0.13177693688909195,0.0,0.0,0.1369636660280619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590868755758276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814981863498004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741999385912544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196467061692053,0.0,0.1618189656804924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694476680338466,0.16485445570507196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292240798950809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510860962974863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565819922855704,0.0,0.0,0.13704880903668726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674440037709996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121307940716906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361010354157224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250258152645067,0.0,0.0,0.23556045481551874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783417818280736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463955134775954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818289767910986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920915066002993,0.0,0.15290844856551136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495101718230213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192210400709547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939489684843614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086521240591036,0.0992299046613988,0.0,0.0,0.09030181276717417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514175574453977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781854358829664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972664170883773
suicidewatch,Reggie_73,2019/02/23,"Between a rock and a hard place. I love my husband. I have since I was 13 and he 15. It has been 30 years. I still adore that man. 

But the years have revealed another side. Narcissism and abuse. Or maybe they really are my failures. Maybe it is my fault. 

And now he turned on my big kids. Screaming g vicious hateful. 

So I have to choose between having them in my life and him, the man I love, the father of my little ones. 

I left him but I can’t bear it. Everyone wants to help, says I’m doing the right thing but I don’t care. I do t want to. I want him. 

But I love my kids. 

I can’t decide it and I cannot last. Wing torn and broken between them anymore. 

So I’ve got a plan. Im going to be free. ",-2.1036796536796563,-0.29050038311688203,0.6280844155844179,101.98831709956713,101.53246753246755,3.6056277056277057,14.85822510822511,5.46131890053228,-1.0287567099567094,527,13,133,4,24,179,92,154,0.111,0.695,0.193,0.9435,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,3,1,4,10,2,0,7,0,16,4,0,0,0,18,28,14,0,3,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,6,7,0,0,3,1,1,1,4,4,0,1,3,3,27,7,10,24,0,14,0,0,0,3,19,8,0,1,5,83,33,0,0.0,0.19865903601742055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581440510462554,0.0,0.0,0.16628149620707025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094859145232275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021385706699265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528952753319317,0.0,0.1340993308323172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019749884983047,0.16553733200404072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112384254429537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111009645796192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366717111781683,0.0,0.0,0.18217165639757155,0.0,0.11842879139582725,0.0,0.16804727678048004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539804590303916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368898693474052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361610361554167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517726195409655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741234567497672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318746455005926,0.0,0.13333623825648744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386966137700969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389979598187482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139109790507516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237452060000744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966846023534563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159452518435863
suicidewatch,MadObservableUniver,2019/02/23,"My favourite people began seeing me as a piece of shit finally. [TW: domestic violence, sexual abuse] I am a piece of shit.

I was raised on entitled grandma's pampering, then masculine beatings in teen years. No normal personality came out of this. And after all, it is my fault for choosing to be pampered instead of being with children my age. I am not sure if sexual abuse that is grooming and washing could have led to me not having a choice. But most of the time, I had a choice and I became a piece of shit. Being gifted meant that I was the child of grandparents and teachers usually.

I have these fluid-polar periods of either ""blaming myself"" or ""blaming others"". 

I mean, I could blame it on ""autism spectrum"" or ""neurodiversity"" but in reality if I had a normal family or acted myself normally, I would get treatment corresponding to my neurodiversity. Besides in childhood there is no ""blackpill"" or ""incel"", children just play with each other. I had experienced bullying due to effeminacy and transfemininity. But still, I could have just been friends with girls instead of boys? I have no idea how this works, but I got called often a ""homo"", ""Faggot"", ""girl"", for obvious reasons. 

I have now some ""favourite people"" who showed basic forms of love to me, but even now they explain why I suck at existing. Everyone perceives me as a piece of shit that they don't want to interact with.

\---------------

Also it says on the first rule ""Remember the human"". If what humans do to those different from them is beatings, why should I ""remember the human""? By this logic, *some* school shooters also ""remember the human"" because they respond to those who have been beating them up their whole life. I am not justifying school shootings, and I am saying that ""remember the human"" is not a valid argument for making friends, which I never had. 

More like ""Remember to please others or else you are human trash"".

I am highly certain if I die, life would get better for others (except mom, but mom gave birth into unpleasant circumstances and my father wasn't ready for me so mom gave me this bad life). I know that people will in the comments say ""uwu you have a life and you are worth living"" but this is a pile of shit. I mean if you saw me in reality you would change your mind quickly. 

*So the end result is: How do I ""neurotypical-max"" or ""personality-max"" so I am not a total piece of human garbage?*",5.079006087967713,6.7091335214446985,6.186763800533552,74.61661741569192,69.31602708803612,8.891141664956566,29.451330460359806,9.339509955726095,2.752761324303988,1862,71,325,39,33,621,222,443,0.158,0.7709999999999999,0.071,-0.9898,3,0,0,2,3,0,109.0,0,6,6,6,18,16,6,0,21,0,46,12,5,6,6,85,64,36,1,16,27,4,0,1,2,5,5,3,0,14,24,16,0,0,15,2,1,3,11,8,0,1,16,6,53,8,49,37,15,35,0,0,2,2,45,13,7,15,20,263,77,3,0.0,0.18671233701707424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602058691486492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578840423150666,0.048031145935258784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968551864774124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045590053907907,0.0901175717646311,0.0,0.0,0.08335196414335835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188728078754693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177412293436281,0.08232133968684265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582098119281023,0.0,0.06978672348454037,0.0,0.0,0.05204166983436388,0.0,0.0,0.07528956214424225,0.0,0.0,0.07427850910997115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863132771638531,0.0,0.06702081735653757,0.0,0.0,0.12174970217556395,0.0,0.08233160572801672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301751975161135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324854898064157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894708491916745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330226968531956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261374921484514,0.038494010901518334,0.0,0.0695751765184724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711132620031905,0.0,0.05259457192407024,0.0,0.0,0.1716561527684674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955791286725418,0.27684229395726706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076959451193902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315996140844637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638742909200735,0.06879852780159555,0.0,0.08649044870376177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101176102605939,0.0,0.0,0.44628242848651395,0.0,0.0,0.18797675519590573,0.0,0.15948433099410092,0.06278738101767489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043965860491389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292375201018532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426095125319493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045944510978717976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677875149237703,0.0,0.046473828200744915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219586071803725,0.08796895610882324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057361841703447,0.0,0.0,0.16791568653474126,0.0,0.0,0.05073975421374867
suicidewatch,ghostiic,2019/02/23,i don’t want to live anymore my whole life is a series of bad decisions. i have no friends. literally. none. i don’t know how to talk to people. idk i’m too tired to even try to explain any further i just fucking don’t want to do this anymore  ,-1.9839622641509465,-0.4155391132075472,0.9486981132075448,97.70078301886794,109.9433962264151,3.629433962264152,20.39433962264151,5.6839178017228535,-0.015632452830188992,189,8,44,2,10,65,37,53,0.19,0.7020000000000001,0.108,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,0,7,12,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,12,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104402535203945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280528568129165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228908284928134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758409432871712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568692879784312,0.2461233003026606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463118299658061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804456013431173,0.0,0.0,0.2350840145467668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456882717007245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398381166854175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059896789073001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807511925729347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140560944717739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972338180422707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ilayis,2019/02/23,"I just dont know how to live anymore Why is it,that one guy gets away with his little jabs at ya and none of his(yours too) friends tell him to back off?

All of my family cares about are themselves so I hang out with an older bar crowd due to anxiety and not having every kid from younger bars wanting to get into my space.

Befriended a middle aged lady who ended up dating a bartender there.

Hes a 70's music guy but we always sing Oasis and shit  Of course he gets tipsy and tells me my music is depressing.

She has stuck up for me a little when she noticed I was in a bad way but it was too late.

Now hes trying that shit again and I've reminded him of what he has said and of course he just walks away.

I know I should be sticking up for myself but it just hurts soooo bad when nobody else does.
I know they have a special bond but it would be nice to hear somebody tell him that he is wrong.

Of course this goes for family too,who I cook for all the time but wont even offer me a slice of frozen pizza or will cater to my father who spends more time in prison than with me and then gets mad when I dont talk to them anymore.

I know people are thinking,""Well then just dont hang with that asshole"" but I live in a very small town and that's the only bar where I can kind of have some ""fun"".

Theres so much to people's stories that we will never know how they got to this point and I just want to die.

I've already stripped the blades from the razors and I just want to use them before I go to sleep.

",1.833969230769231,3.0720445969230785,3.0093076923076936,95.75119230769232,76.87692307692308,5.7384615384615385,18.96153846153846,5.873414542411696,-0.3868153846153843,1174,21,278,6,26,378,174,325,0.14800000000000002,0.81,0.042,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,2,1,4,0,23,14,3,0,13,0,25,8,3,3,3,49,44,26,1,5,14,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,0,3,13,18,5,0,5,5,1,4,7,8,0,1,5,2,38,6,44,32,6,42,0,2,0,0,34,20,2,2,17,181,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322257765037386,0.0,0.08537211759357646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848936133856127,0.0,0.2035049261073159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927937321285828,0.07889371235529799,0.17133483058016288,0.0,0.0,0.08730575745210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046083937936549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836995266472167,0.0,0.10648347275225888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897866860062927,0.0,0.36074225906742896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857098358975651,0.0,0.09087389019873912,0.0,0.0,0.06776688679666508,0.0,0.08644563236370582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934458803609217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926915403674402,0.0,0.21441881564968696,0.0,0.05831042148939655,0.0,0.08205926406293322,0.0,0.0,0.20318192384752234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156386028475294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983632065848796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684298563122216,0.2819336905544531,0.0,0.11573821586309135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056659906473294,0.1811968419150147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542342239018571,0.0,0.07913209251503545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681173573296333,0.0,0.0,0.06952498413319798,0.07803256176283613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422610068304844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699095679017157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759689366053406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063657453707685,0.0,0.0,0.1026749365363299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246666828884623,0.2690329679493381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965474913977556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965923508183272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861418291643303,0.0,0.08465643776479738,0.1815499001883269,0.08143977066922416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258129905230944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288469257424626,0.11217791137489803,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,someonecallmeback,2019/02/23,"i guess this is it then it just never stops hurting ya know?

i have nothing to blame this on other than myself im just fucking weak and everything hurts. i have people in my life i could turn to but i dont. i guess its philosophical right? nothing means anything. nothing lasts. nothing matters. and i know that people might be affected- thats all thats really been keeping me here the last few years. i just want someone out of the blue to say im valued and i need to stay and obviously thats not going to happen. because no one is valued .

and me especially 

not even being narcissistic but im smart and sometimes i hurt so much im really mean to people because i just want them to understand. im a bully. and ive never really had any hardship in my life.

i cant escape my head  and im so sorry to anyone who feels like this coz fucking ouch

it hurts so much

logically i know that im not worthless and all that shit but ya no when ur this close to the edge i literally am

no one would miss me- i know for sure theyd forget about me

i really dont want to be forgotten

i want to be wanted

but you know what the worst bit is? (not sure why i keep adressing 'you' given that i doubt anyone will read this but i dont really know how reddit works) i have people in my life but its never enough

im like a black hole that just sucks everything up 

the world will be better off without me- i know that now- i guess this can be the one good thing i ever did

im sorry",-0.4881903836087673,1.7371268810289386,2.14195169371121,92.58784416361328,93.69453376205787,4.950901069318777,16.557316981978616,6.613842558306772,-0.09992849771928514,1144,29,251,16,43,393,150,311,0.182,0.682,0.136,-0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,2,2,15,20,4,1,8,0,28,8,2,3,9,69,58,21,0,8,16,0,1,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,24,11,0,3,12,1,0,1,15,13,0,3,4,4,41,7,23,42,8,23,0,6,2,2,9,10,4,5,13,172,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194506502526176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625731115407217,0.0,0.05075804999548385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520009693758793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545516628368571,0.0673394678856506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924710671532298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686834518346185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373276368257688,0.0,0.04073959240544845,0.05579382274108249,0.0,0.0,0.11086946727436432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031187670167912306,0.04406478204309612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404582742073716,0.0,0.0,0.03505462500580478,0.05173493589193226,0.0,0.0,0.2038450941399761,0.0,0.05454413540887295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330230461610485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641223256052625,0.0,0.5996327206574426,0.0,0.0,0.10964947362776932,0.0,0.0,0.2372871154937648,0.10055618299888112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070093785989054,0.06026825500296384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343769659953732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543359066868834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068498292447318,0.04573553807913952,0.14271612645830284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23673759786389825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538953681377366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104682559352472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061697500379588675,0.0,0.19757152732857144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052675073591752684,0.0,0.04905105474615402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331446372967121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226194903004146,0.0,0.06100389695552413,0.13809323086292974,0.0,0.06574353515670571,0.0,0.05156791793756869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626686443094672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040977988527512714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709100775024532,0.0,0.06421189712307343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819046952610457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055657335994718136,0.0,0.0,0.059458098479620185,0.0,0.04490436333157776,0.0,0.0,0.043816276775124514,0.0,0.0,0.039720418503093616
suicidewatch,Meepmoop9,2019/02/23,"I don't know what to do anymore I have never been closer to suicide in my life then I am right now.  I am completely lost.  I looked at this subreddit and saw all the posters and thought ""With all the people who need help right now, why would anyone notice me of all people?""  There is nothing that makes me special or stand out.  But if anyone happens to read this for whatever reason, I need to talk.  And there are zero people in my life I can talk to.  

​

I am 32 years old.  When I was a child, my life was hell.  My father was extremely physically abusive to my mother, my brother and me.  I have scars from when he would cut me for fun.  My mom was always stressed and always mad at me.  Always.  She was always yelling and telling me how nothing I am.  How worthless I am.  Never to my brother, just me.  My brother was a combination of my mother and father.  He hated me from the start and that never changed.  I had to learn how to walk on eggshells at all times.  One wrong step, or one word spoken in a tone they saw as ""disrespectful"" and that was it.  The yelling and hitting started again.  I had no idea how to talk to other kids.  I couldn't laugh or play or have fun because I didn't know how to.  So I just stayed quiet.  My dad left when I was around 11.  Never saw him again.

​

Around 6th grade, I started trying to talk to other kids.  I started trying to see how the whole ""making friends"" thing worked.  I guess I was very awkward and weird, and kids hate awkward and weird.  It also didn't help that even though I tried really hard to keep the home clean (with no help from anyone else in the house) I smelled like cat piss.  No matter what I did.  

​

In middle school, I learned very quickly that I am apparently extremely unattractive.  There was a girl that lived down the street from me.  I never had a crush on her or anything but I tried to make friends with her brother.  She always made it a point to let me know how ""not cute"" I was.  ""That's just one girl"" you might be thinking.  But all through high school and college I never got any feedback that made me think any differently.  

​

I never learned how to make friends.  Never learned how to make bonds with people.  So I was on my own pretty much the whole time.

​

Around 2006 or 2007 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I didn't know what I was supposed to do.  I Didn't really know how to think for myself of make my own decisions, so I stayed with her.  Drove her to chemo and the Canter Treatment Center.  I slaved in her apartment, just like when I was a child.  I cleaned up after her, did her bandages.  Caregiver stuff.  She was still so mean.  Around then was when I started to figure out what depression was.  I just had a thought one day.  ""What if I was dead?""  I didn't really know what to make of it at the time.  But it was a thought that would never leave my mind.  Always there.  

​

I had what I think was a nervous breakdown in 2009.  I don't know exactly what it was but I had never felt that way before.  It was as if the safety net that held my mind in place just disappeared.  I did something I never thought I would do.  I asked my mom for help.  For advice.  She called me crazy.  Said ""I always knew you were nuts.""  This triggered an anger in me I had never felt before.  I left.  I moved in with these guys I knew.  They made me pay half the rent by myself and they would just pay small portions.  They didn't let me live there out of concern, they just wanted the money.  I put pretty much all of the money I made at my shit job into living there.  

​

I was away from my mother for the first time in my life.  I would have nightmares of her pounding on my door and slamming it open, raging into my room.  I would have nightmares about the filthy house I lived in as a child and the apartment I had lived in with my mother only recently.  I couldn't interact normally with the guys I lived with.  I just expected them to do the same things to me my family did.  They left me alone, though.  They were completely indifferent to me.  I had an asthma attack for some reason while I was there and none of them even bat an eye.  I drove myself to the hospital, almost completely unable to breathe.  

​

I left them in 2011 and moved to a city.  Lived completely on my own.  The freedom was intoxicating.  I had another shit job, but it was okay.  No one was mad at me all the time.  No one telling me I am worthless.  But I'm not very good at anything I do.  One day I was trying really hard at work but apparently I wasn't doing a good enough job.  I was told to go home and not come back the next day.  I had no idea what to do.  I lost my job, and was going to lose my apartment.  So..I moved back to my old town.  With my mother.  I used the little growing up I did to completely close myself off.  By this point, it was around 2015.  I helped my mother again.  She was emotionally abusive as usual but I lost the ability to be phased by it.  I couldn't feel anything.  

​

I ended up moving out and moving in with one of the guys I used to live with before I moved the city.  My mother went septic in December 2017.  I was the one who called the ambulance.  I was there for her.  Even knowing she was never there for me.  I didn't shed a tear.  Not one.  I thought I was supposed to be sad losing my mother, but I didn't feel anything.  I lost the job I had shortly after.  I don't even remember why.  It was most likely my own fault though.  My room mate will be kicking me out soon.  The town I live in has a horribly high unemployment rate making it very hard to find work.  So I am at my end here.

​

I am 32 years old.  I have never had a real friend.  The only family I knew hated me from the moment I was born.  I have never been shown affection of any kind.  No one has ever said ""I love you"" to me.  Or ""I'm proud of you"".  I have never done anything worth being proud of, though, so I guess that's okay.  I have come to the conclusion that my mother was absolutely right.  I am worthless.  Useless.  A complete waste of life.  I have tried so hard in so many different ways but everything has failed.  Before people start the judgement spree, I know.  I know all of this is my own fault.  I should never have moved back in with my mother.  I know all the things I shouldn't have done.  I get it.  

​

I can't afford help.  Suicide posts are always saying things like ""talk to your friends!"" or ""get help!""  But I have no friends to talk to.  There is no help to get.  I sit here in my room all day, every day.  I clean the things that need cleaning around the house, but I don't go outside anymore.  I have gone multiple days without speaking a single word.  Sleep is a nightmare.  When I lay down, my heart freaks out.  My whole body feels like static and my heart skips beats all over the place.  I saw a doctor in the local ER but he said it's just anxiety and sent me home.  Who am I do doubt a medical professional?  So I'm lost there too.  When I actually DO fall asleep I have constant nightmares and sleep paralysis is very common.  I want it to end.  And I am very likely going to end it very soon.  I hate literally everything about myself.  I know there are millions of people who have it worse than me.  I get it.  I know there's nothing about me that matters, which is why I have never reached out to anyone before.  This is the first time I have spoken like this.  But I am sitting here in my room, staring at the rope I plan to use, trying one last time.

​

I'm sorry this was so long.  ",1.0263715131022837,3.3140377159763332,2.3553570254531806,94.30124630177515,84.069033530572,5.0678454024607875,19.50722034375881,6.397774234303565,-0.0016767821921668258,5790,159,1254,55,168,1858,446,1521,0.14,0.782,0.078,-0.9981,14,1,1,0,2,3,252.0,0,5,10,18,85,66,14,5,67,2,154,24,12,29,31,239,258,92,3,22,41,20,9,7,7,11,11,8,13,11,65,60,0,2,44,2,6,24,51,39,1,17,108,26,242,27,169,128,28,206,1,14,8,2,104,92,4,18,89,904,307,24,0.0,0.05364550951800008,0.02209177374638801,0.0,0.0,0.022121943394557732,0.0,0.0,0.022669047444988304,0.02344651359748029,0.0,0.018103888320425025,0.15069543239158975,0.2943438433424684,0.33009702363941906,0.04618458332630603,0.02373829434472501,0.017318283443200216,0.0,0.044902340040860036,0.06331707074636951,0.023195675107144768,0.09314720687186896,0.12091764011591068,0.021163810654731642,0.02575440269034511,0.021269484437981125,0.05222250439375542,0.0,0.01380013414000998,0.0,0.09631788486957588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02514611451739124,0.0,0.0,0.046232593379769454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023948383150426914,0.03900188522125473,0.1424153385415822,0.02446402474532239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875992162872247,0.0,0.019498386303698385,0.02297745887570751,0.0,0.04730453576081789,0.0,0.023171320738970425,0.0,0.046333804320463225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01891144489686349,0.02546510797051089,0.08020347018799508,0.02339147750469185,0.0,0.059809693114744385,0.02047769269898429,0.019073794692298376,0.0,0.04069179649296208,0.0,0.04268286210865031,0.0,0.034339905081940104,0.016172848914003928,0.04347275155571365,0.0,0.020691050920030873,0.03851235491820229,0.0,0.0,0.10494204471784244,0.0,0.047310434964034066,0.0,0.051463606777991035,0.037975964612174465,0.018105964552983342,0.0,0.049877411643043434,0.06724660682129993,0.020019026991894152,0.0,0.08111809576506578,0.08940277470014887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365313122095433,0.12139212414469562,0.04783734056408185,0.06812436272514368,0.0,0.0,0.07836488389901525,0.0,0.051111905799703115,0.0,0.0,0.11232539576489324,0.020122014546079117,0.0,0.023574368264992058,0.16173885801906626,0.018453284909242317,0.0,0.02397075452871119,0.09838657755621838,0.04629851381065756,0.07995071585207154,0.07741971434968396,0.02268958403988909,0.1799107797797656,0.02003423622058832,0.019010520791152133,0.05065306836436579,0.1235622209281642,0.0,0.020432003768981417,0.0856838544537903,0.12089024876764674,0.02295174381832761,0.0,0.024659810712781127,0.0,0.022805766033106203,0.0,0.024015722459502675,0.04571658027677322,0.05302754726954273,0.0,0.16842695801419838,0.033283598819849755,0.050358171291839116,0.31428177929639445,0.0,0.024076152696488003,0.0,0.02218078623016946,0.06516635096661473,0.02577392291663077,0.07126545194314267,0.0,0.18408406353198506,0.03443498582129231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941675303705764,0.0,0.04730453576081789,0.0,0.042801135146812386,0.0,0.021681291068212614,0.04606270153358938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02275780456633991,0.0,0.0,0.02264448627102928,0.025767409858329943,0.058010852441188615,0.046552009006196486,0.02235264939708506,0.0,0.025644848806000587,0.057999107262140234,0.06460279350337675,0.018002932516634887,0.0,0.045822457867545914,0.018039841929063098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647590245514836,0.0,0.0,0.04530941832431909,0.0,0.0,0.01742811554536269,0.0,0.025341790600581674,0.09614128640150298,0.04825895928054381,0.018079023546590755,0.0,0.025932164903621636,0.0,0.025915506030472445,0.04952538299132955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917513749784748,0.039573848948477465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519960232721531,0.05802298798819173,0.08896829507163144,0.08986164559017278,0.09240426842005084,0.0,0.0,0.02163192313449356,0.0,0.10758972297736193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586568234469918,0.024932955226835196,0.1307531252197206,0.026705382546338908,0.035938552892923824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02098598653264704,0.06128279621023738,0.07582476146382644,0.0,0.02182257119720678,0.0,0.049442987125015936,0.0,0.02307042289868246,0.11257148997030056,0.024751492840880445,0.33009702363941906,0.029156723236405363
suicidewatch,liquid_lightning,2019/02/23,"The world rewards people for harming me. I didn’t know where else to post this. No one will probably read this...

Several years ago, I was bullied severely, and psychologically abused to the point of a suicide attempt that has left me somewhat disabled. I’ve been trying to make my life better, without any success whatsoever. But now almost once a month I have to hear about my bullies and abusers who are getting accolades, praise, and fame. I don’t hear about them through social media or friends, but through trade magazines and other outlets I have to keep up with in my field/industry. It’s unavoidable and it seems like the universe is determined to reward people for being abusive.

I’ve felt suicidal for a long time but this is the first time I’ve had homicidal thoughts. I’d never harm anyone other than myself. But the fact that I’m having these thoughts tells me that maybe it’s time to try again and this time not fail. This can be the one and only thing I succeed at.",5.5090456602221325,6.793680192513371,5.542994652406417,80.94263677498972,67.93048128342247,8.32069107363225,32.0316742081448,8.617729084823388,2.5425675853558203,784,33,144,12,13,246,125,187,0.142,0.6990000000000001,0.159,0.5720000000000001,0,1,0,0,2,1,21.0,0,0,1,9,5,11,0,0,9,0,16,1,0,1,2,26,27,12,2,0,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,16,8,0,1,5,1,1,0,6,3,0,3,7,3,14,8,21,17,1,20,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,4,13,98,30,5,0.0,0.4426230326396914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103833367482151,0.0,0.12469316465698513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468083874126364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707033177435637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101316820220343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402412885449397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956291901950282,0.0,0.0,0.1059203617795888,0.0,0.0,0.09620721597880512,0.0,0.06505884148065634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28069602040870983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068297770840838,0.0,0.0,0.06843533474900194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529608759505934,0.0,0.08795524205751498,0.06083631507126847,0.0,0.0,0.11020014501681427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831209809961638,0.0,0.12510146247350648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939416060287096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604086744662213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326143853452928,0.1687618657145018,0.09470639133371768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265903207644295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771577533901326,0.0,0.11925992054608148,0.0,0.134258327484866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455806367772812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133623056486257,0.0,0.2813541773889885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693690902228014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27241888972284045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088397841818912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272845533437101,0.0,0.0,0.19771687358482806,0.2904446359562278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690877405183297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003704479138473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018960876494638
suicidewatch,phenoum,2019/02/23,"Anyone just living for their dog? I will kill myself after he’s gone. The problem is if I kill myself before that. 

But I must remember that I love my dog, he loves me, but will probably suffer horribly without me. 

I hope I last as you live Max. I’ll try my best.",-0.6939545454545453,1.490680763636366,2.109431818181818,92.18414772727272,95.9090909090909,4.931818181818182,15.965909090909092,6.6274283507984215,-0.04750000000000032,202,5,43,3,8,70,40,55,0.29100000000000004,0.5529999999999999,0.156,-0.8504,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,1,1,1,1,8,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,9,8,4,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,14,4,4,4,1,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,30,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563903124535764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032066938105174,0.0,0.23472043318449046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214774373537893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494899759957378,0.0,0.0,0.18231512978933856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949969079864774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037290311528661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24114645433149304,0.21401520586905207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25336648523495503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518524394753652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560307119970626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nuklobster,2019/02/23,"Schrodinger's cat I am currently a schrodinger's cat, there's about a 50% chance that i'll be dead in the morning, or not.",2.641923076923078,3.8596185769230758,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,74.76923076923076,9.815384615384616,28.384615384615394,10.125756701596842,2.7597538461538464,97,4,22,3,2,33,20,26,0.185,0.73,0.086,-0.5106,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayyy9703,2019/02/23,"I want to die, not for any particular reason. I have pretty bad anxiety and depression and I’ve had suicidal thoughts before but never to the point of making plans, up until the last couple months ago, that is. Now anytime I’m alone or sometimes when I first wake up I just get this overwhelming sense of dread and I want to die. I start thinking of ways to do it, and how badly I just don’t want to live. My life isn’t too bad, there’s a lot of stress but it could be worse. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. Even as I’m writing this I feel the urge. I hate it but I’m too scared to tell anyone because my parents can’t afford to pay for treatment and I sure as hell can’t.",1.2883212058212052,2.8551800878378417,2.962162162162162,94.10258835758837,79.20270270270271,5.905197505197506,20.844074844074846,6.67199483983844,0.14729147609147653,535,14,125,5,13,177,89,148,0.327,0.594,0.08,-0.9935,2,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,2,4,4,0,11,2,1,3,2,29,26,14,3,5,8,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,7,10,0,1,2,2,13,2,19,22,1,13,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,2,10,77,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302460310941747,0.0,0.0,0.15217686395077828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999185518456776,0.0,0.11240230034371154,0.0,0.14571670246539067,0.10273801711150307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36804533935127465,0.08956816231102588,0.0,0.12502800129226332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731295642576987,0.1625770619573633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655200388157078,0.0,0.3049836839495481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704696067306122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858610121317795,0.10496799102564047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497997560373293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676571609507507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506457245554752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976889508129265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378216069015507,0.07178337616755882,0.0,0.12974332762379964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491602368381392,0.0,0.0,0.09807800882210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727943106114032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133227367124914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631501950039099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388978897245369,0.0,0.0,0.1494822979830068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107019454552673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710420134091082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531914629451387,0.0,0.10399896911430087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830969406520502,0.0,0.0,0.16071936320612887,0.0,0.13848132926461496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842472725003118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414786032458998,0.0,0.11664730757103578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34665634612255897,0.11662749456196453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973589110139648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FiatLux831,2019/02/23,"Running away/disappearing instead of ending my life? I’ve thought about ending my own life consistently for about 5 months now. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about it. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and was given medication for it but due to certain health conditions I’ve been forced to stop them. Opioids were on my list too but I refuse to take them since my family has a history of addiction and I’d rather not go down that rout. 

Since I’m so fearful of physically pain (which is why I haven’t committed suicide) I was wondering if I just disappeared instead. Basically a person gone missing. I’ve made up scenarios in my mind of how I would do and where I would go, but it’s all just a thought. 

I’m over 18 but I assume the police would still be “forced” to look for me if/when my parents or friends reported me missing. Have any of you attempted doing this? In my mind it’s as close to a fresh start as I would get.",3.7659659511472983,4.902130352331606,5.010262768319767,83.69534974093266,71.90155440414506,9.037601776461882,28.811621021465587,9.424239791934726,2.3892978534418954,750,29,159,17,14,249,116,193,0.175,0.762,0.063,-0.9719,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,2,1,16,7,0,1,6,0,17,7,0,2,3,34,34,14,1,6,11,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,8,5,0,2,5,0,0,5,4,5,0,0,10,1,21,2,26,19,2,23,0,3,1,0,7,8,0,4,10,104,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234304225255594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012696217929058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991374326447062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604005128816798,0.0,0.12826320371431027,0.1511490460137746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637950103944293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038701850709615,0.16757460701420054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150539900258977,0.0,0.0778037200500733,0.0,0.16926752237918766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829330040630565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103709464919999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250539538488977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091019517791145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001962567591395,0.0,0.0,0.3007302736662453,0.0,0.11886524982860458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845968207770764,0.0,0.16535626506079631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300298068913047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24637368641658444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054052132913588,0.0,0.11892643032066437,0.12450245441364872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289256425392654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196810717401716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542090063923396,0.0,0.2364491578926054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437569742212155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149565741102667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231494479474776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1ryguy897201,2019/02/23,"Why is it so hard to tell a therapist. For years I’ve been seeing a therapist about my depression, and recently it’s been coming back and I can’t bring myself to talk to my therapist about it, I dont know if I’m worried about about them thinking I’m not making progress or what not.

Does anyone else feel the same way, like they want to talk to someone about it, but can’t actually do it?",3.0371138211382096,4.047861573170735,4.5619512195121965,86.69747967479677,73.51219512195122,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,1.6959203252032524,307,10,68,6,6,103,54,82,0.094,0.867,0.039,-0.4852,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,17,6,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,3,7,1,11,15,1,6,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,2,4,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1755369087662929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577626177223086,0.1843082928423148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383165983644745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549506718290599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549303599147101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741417935665933,0.0,0.21081799242256952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502666384152275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909527207519532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113712664126692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885733064813902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788027027956431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007128090003655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760977560901275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334105188715512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241172009612675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28916142226380354,0.1572230277239672,0.0,0.0,0.6265635498256591,0.0,0.11525982550966725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609787048837792,0.1427803523786587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623136999740848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267684740628265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158368070719026
suicidewatch,AutoCanuck,2019/02/23,"My depression is spiraling down, about to hang myself. I’ve been in a deep bout of depression since last November, as I’m unemployed, single, living with my parents, and in my early 30’s. Everyone I grew up with seem so much more successful with their careers and dating life than I am. Today, I learned that my best friend is about to become very successful with his career, and make lots of money, and this is making me feel even worse. I think this could be the trigger that pushes me over the edge. I’ve been thinking of ending it for at least 2 months now, and I think today just proves again that my life is completely pathetic, worthless, and I am just a failure at my life, career, and dating. I honestly don’t even care what the people in my life would think of me when I’m gone. Honestly, I’ll be gone and I wouldn’t care. But the burden of my defeat and continued failure at my life I cannot stand any longer. This life is not worth living for me, the emotional pain of failure is so strong, that I just don’t think another day is worth waking up to. I really just want this pain to end. Because I’m just not worth anything. Most of all, I’m not worth anything to myself, because I’m just a pathetic failure. 

And yes, I am 100% sober as I’m writing this. I’m thinking very clearly, with only the emotional pain inside as the only thing I’m feeling. ",5.456806569343065,5.347096313868615,6.2048083941605805,81.07867244525548,67.61313868613139,9.477737226277373,29.898722627737232,9.188382445141503,2.3503437956204376,1066,35,215,18,16,351,129,274,0.185,0.672,0.142,-0.9224,3,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,5,16,17,0,0,10,1,20,10,1,3,3,48,44,17,0,4,10,1,2,0,1,2,9,0,0,0,12,15,0,0,11,0,5,5,7,8,0,0,4,2,29,9,35,35,8,31,0,4,0,0,5,11,0,3,14,141,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698323589978264,0.10767885991077293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900936342234832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251970920263036,0.113412448506943,0.0,0.0,0.1077662602816384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093975111992041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766795250232468,0.0,0.0,0.08198918355896005,0.0,0.0,0.06622621098990644,0.0,0.17689257507657666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310236577194245,0.1819047759985769,0.0,0.0,0.13565084906026528,0.0,0.0,0.09812418647160907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384576007498326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933762754689841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370562146464539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351956449936397,0.0,0.0,0.1813533616097885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730291271576747,0.0,0.0,0.13709203336804354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196575292215537,0.0,0.07548857391780915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619993418374395,0.3278064994108754,0.0,0.11402450073210582,0.0,0.0,0.07119194667532333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578550213641761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934846340984414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494578834630384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822231898171248,0.3947955845808264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467521528744364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945912973203606,0.06056890828615556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046493399784446,0.07294765112095622,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peptodismal-,2019/02/23,"Can I just get one person to support me without judgment? I just need one person around to just be here. Who understands suicide and understands that I have to do it because I don't have options. Someone to talk to and keep me company down the death row road basically. I know it's a lot to ask, hopefully someone else who is suicidal would understand. I have to try at least this.",3.7856000000000014,5.508413626666666,5.0183333333333335,81.34750000000003,72.73333333333333,8.733333333333334,32.5,9.2995712137729,3.0862000000000003,302,15,58,7,6,100,51,75,0.163,0.769,0.068,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,17,19,2,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,8,2,11,17,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,0,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618640639046044,0.1640207100563018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695180737740118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656475011888673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166462579056456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742599973235008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559467322522679,0.0,0.0,0.09642193448041088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916008276455986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300928764227953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377769556968947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063898122773524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973139734363666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838244736059405,0.1990969349188892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101889829000636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911804842846098,0.0,0.0,0.5479443829555838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691261409116705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246336157661428,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vidyagames,2019/02/23,"Oblivion is calling Black waves of death embrace me, sweep me away into our final sunset. We are sailing over the edge now friends. It’s far too late, I can see the black horizon calling me. Welcoming me home. I have missed your embrace. Let us become one once again.",2.214117647058824,4.9294907058823565,2.532843137254904,92.04279411764708,83.11764705882355,4.184313725490196,26.14705882352941,5.46131890053228,0.7138470588235301,210,9,39,1,6,64,43,51,0.104,0.716,0.181,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,10,2,4,6,0,8,0,1,3,0,8,4,0,0,4,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24202539814408155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845009814589697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5260805381813111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821902122672596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990225341298136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583956381256121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905860835358294,0.0,0.0,0.26341532328103895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743375407443692,0.17455766616495225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527530594682425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098632826934739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mushifruit,2019/02/23,"Intersections I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I can remember. Suicidal fantasies of derailing cars I’m not operating but am a passenger of, driving into traffic, cycling into traffic, cycling through busy intersections, driving or cycling off of overpasses- These ideas have been fragmentary fantasies up until very recently. These feelings are starting to turn into - I am beginning to stop as short as possible in traffic, whether I am cycling or operating a car alone. I’ve called so many crisis lines and they don’t help.  I feel so judged and so alone. Thank you for being here. I hope I can find some solace here.  Seeking support from folks who understand and am more than willing to support anyone and everyone who are struggling. Want to make it through but feeling hopeless. ",7.396176470588237,9.520610970588235,7.066941176470588,68.61923529411766,64.29411764705883,10.145882352941179,43.01176470588235,10.355215969177356,5.2780376470588255,636,40,92,16,10,200,90,136,0.172,0.6920000000000001,0.136,-0.7717,0,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,14,0,0,1,0,26,29,15,2,2,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,8,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,3,3,8,4,21,24,2,18,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,4,5,67,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487783549288485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773404861461753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719331084774076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089271723551196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554114400227717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389475010077716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286045040470193,0.0,0.0,0.16723768147935933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007864802567592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123938478017748,0.17070920626265193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898212762909125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662532950283591,0.0,0.19073983306236944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928430080491844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917905396484706,0.0,0.0,0.14077182968460047,0.0,0.1760255972762536,0.0,0.3683571447652969,0.3821474841832968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502015088388346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367359198131645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831472802105346,0.0,0.17528778758292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389297624945971,0.09931390602629553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tdogdota,2019/02/23,Girl just told me she was late and i cant be a dad at this age right now i dont know what else to do A girl I casually hooked up with once messaged me today saying she was late and i cant be a father i dont know what else i can do ,-1.2563793103448295,-0.4077483620689648,2.158137931034481,100.25065517241379,84.34482758620689,5.329655172413793,15.048275862068966,5.6839178017228535,-1.1427213793103448,177,2,53,1,5,65,34,58,0.0,0.963,0.037000000000000005,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,0,6,14,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,10,1,4,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,5,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392945354269759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843978211872859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252887420057471,0.0,0.5190713240782202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450233486508041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964835807449068,0.0,0.1829656081837496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180850725066627,0.21984740368434974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Weebkid666,2019/02/23,"Nearing my end I guess Iv finally pushed the last person away from me. and I just feel like doing it. I hate myself, I disappoint everyone, and I just dont want to do life anymore. I work a shitty minimum wage job, I'm fat, ugly, and un-talented, I feel like a burden on my family. I'm socially awkward so Its hard for me to make friends, and overall I'm alone, If I do nobody would miss me. Only thing thats probably stopping me is that I don't know how to do it, I don't want it to be long, just quick sweet and to the point, I also could never bring myself to do it.  i'm a burden, the world will be better without me.  ",0.7672222222222231,2.2575801851851867,3.6567592592592617,88.8829166666667,80.48148148148148,6.87037037037037,21.62037037037037,7.793537801064563,0.8817037037037037,475,14,108,8,12,170,81,135,0.218,0.6809999999999999,0.101,-0.9005,2,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,1,1,6,0,14,3,1,2,1,22,28,9,0,5,5,0,3,2,1,2,3,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,3,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,0,4,20,5,12,23,0,14,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,2,9,74,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861071059511135,0.0,0.14369992569550075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782065491462945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882689946066473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892330129358664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346973806761412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059812277220355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915410687677106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170376286349798,0.0,0.0,0.16939797696841846,0.0,0.18171572579053896,0.25674453422306176,0.0,0.19684421122971013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882988156448742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979514074582233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096907094882595,0.17740901642229887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831695312572424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875422879010523,0.1464732671436283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692203712152653,0.17557723358349153,0.0,0.0,0.15902209543662627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994605425193546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858983567202046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666414684691222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569004489675642,0.0,0.0,0.16986737410827202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373877015499935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317374498818895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023086984505454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937962801682099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197443442297653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321703514848952,0.0,0.13081818760471287,0.0,0.0,0.12764830608960925,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unicornsatemyfeet,2019/02/23,"idk what to post Im in a q for the suicde watch rn. im sorry im not going to proof read this. but im sorry I just cant right now. im sad, idek I wish I could explain it but I just wanna die idk what you want me to say. but yes im begging for attenition and im going to break up with my gf so I can push her away too. I want people to care so I can push them away. just incase my name is vinny and I live in Illinois",-3.8526092233009694,-2.471903669902911,0.4390716019417482,103.38054915048544,105.11650485436894,2.963349514563107,10.32099514563107,4.557286568694721,-1.99612572815534,314,4,91,1,16,118,62,103,0.14400000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.139,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,18,12,7,1,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,2,14,1,14,11,0,13,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,0,1,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141186914981148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161791524626862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909794371713028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826163433924512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952030143475932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8615954148035669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061953328585864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899826487469015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913216272477023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139803784181437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731228630419217,0.0,0.09061724944087582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25511436628554296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442078446828207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103634978044512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mr-_-sadman,2019/02/23,"who cares True to my name, I am sad. The people around me say I look ""better"" than I was before. Admittedly, I don't feel ""better"" anymore. I feel like shit. I feel like everyone I have ever known has already, or will eventually betray me in the worst way possible. I feel as if I exist only for people to compare themselves to, and say 'At least I'm not as bad as him.' The only thing stopping me from ending my pointless and wasteful existence right now, is the fear. The fear of 'Will it hurt?', 'What happens to me after?', and 'What will people think of me if I go through with this?'",3.836858974358975,4.589925111111113,5.241955128205127,83.52908653846156,71.3931623931624,7.559401709401709,26.59081196581197,7.6454224807358475,1.405855555555556,446,14,91,5,8,150,76,117,0.181,0.7140000000000001,0.105,-0.8977,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,3,13,1,2,5,0,9,1,1,0,2,20,20,9,0,2,4,0,4,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,7,18,6,18,16,2,11,0,2,1,0,6,4,1,3,7,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316534710047726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562267657803128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969225050939182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102181571697066,0.0,0.0,0.13352753582194787,0.0,0.0,0.2775663367749929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999060608599247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898472429437184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419433083023486,0.0,0.14994397951896338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531577116607693,0.3173742801183834,0.22420765007784574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918136811870349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876401809489086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798632380370984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332657058522758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177344993464807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386897723619584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263661339181168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769039522327482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400899675543526,0.0,0.2495784889556265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107633432618648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311923169037998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425081081400717,0.10054813051569864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455595384224058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2018hatesme,2019/02/23,It hurts I'm waiting for my flatmate to leave . Then I'm going to end it all. ,-1.4916666666666671,0.18456538888889185,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,89.55555555555556,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.6540888888888885,59,2,15,0,2,21,14,18,0.235,0.765,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821406803485861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093718803808902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.582747786558428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763977977437524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deaddeadwolf,2019/02/23,"Thinking more and more about suicide I want to kill myself, I want to hang myself gently. I have been looking into it and I am working on the finishing touches. I think about it all the time, I dont think anyone I know really knows how I feel",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,75.0,6.6000000000000005,24.5,7.1686216300943375,1.0602,190,6,38,2,4,64,34,50,0.184,0.698,0.119,-0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,13,13,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,6,12,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,30,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529325386696755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273378548049296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412226165209836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090043844267774,0.0,0.3069922654537062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345418964741109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892691495817234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30550918036394137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368930364145594,0.0,0.0,0.16286224270711944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294770899385417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333393449244694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SKyPuffGM,2019/02/23,"is it wrong or selfish to send a “suicide text” to people? i don’t plan on killing myself rn but i’m writing texts to people just in case. i’ve written one to this girl i like, my 2 sisters, my old best friend, and my mom. also i’m gonna write an in general note to everyone else

is this a bad idea to do? like i don’t want to guilt them or make them feel bad, but i also want them to know how i feel. if i could i’d go without anyone knowing, but that just isn’t possible so i want them to know i care about them instead of them thinking i didn’t care at all

i was gonna have them all be sent out at 4am so i know nobody is awake and won’t text me back. 

[here they are so far. i don’t know if i want them to seem like a suicide note, just like i’m showing some love to them. how are they](https://imgur.com/a/0rZ5vvK/)",0.8811594202898547,1.9831994347826123,2.6613913043478266,97.82998550724638,79.1086956521739,5.776231884057971,21.505797101449275,6.079149491110277,-0.0840676811594201,632,17,162,4,15,210,98,184,0.146,0.6409999999999999,0.214,0.9159,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,10,2,14,15,1,1,4,0,16,1,0,3,2,38,41,16,3,7,11,2,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,10,1,0,3,7,6,0,1,4,2,28,9,20,32,4,12,0,0,0,1,19,7,0,6,6,99,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224297455367398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805806353838288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783479807499816,0.23418668366903345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147171719206033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859651215520763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196908075993704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715132386509501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400395616382546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181766169254842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083479654326875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970080681030163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583122670520099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515319122287874,0.0,0.3853572316962576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274053911459033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265707778441495,0.0,0.09361032937162936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424570935286256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715678057238496,0.0,0.09502927928409736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944475229714683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809790787369754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766792021601536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30679645124960203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985920820032824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33086535023522035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351849697278855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332885296498325,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kkikfisk,2019/02/23,"Taking care of business before suicide? After years of struggling in life due to my criminal conviction I'm really now starting to look towards suicide as a way out. The legal and social consequences are too much to bare not even thinking about my mental health problems.

 I'm wondering what are some practical things I should do before? 

I have a will made and don't have much to leave, most of it will be going to various charities. I have no close family and no real friends. No job. I have enough to pay for what needs to be done, e.g burial costs. I just cancel all bills coming in? How do you inform people of your death so you're not interrupted yet people find out you have died?

I plan on having everything easily found in my apartment, copy of will, bank accounts, deeds, insurance stuff and a small note.

Anything else I'm leaving out?",3.949875776397516,6.1318550124223625,4.7260559006211205,81.66187888198759,73.40993788819874,7.829813664596273,25.785714285714285,8.634040054169528,2.0258124223602487,671,23,120,13,14,216,110,161,0.207,0.7070000000000001,0.086,-0.9683,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,3,0,1,8,4,0,1,4,0,18,2,0,2,1,26,32,7,5,3,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,5,0,5,2,6,2,0,0,3,1,12,2,24,23,7,20,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,3,6,86,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452374898458972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575249332966935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428117469093774,0.0,0.0,0.1303490767011943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704662566366104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485324822028926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640872959896193,0.0,0.0,0.15635436482704715,0.0,0.0999456594349454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599696712301296,0.0,0.14265135224271014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383040521299526,0.0,0.0,0.16591494568814186,0.11690972165837388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599883812242867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084644858227862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016209134496855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32045278867142474,0.0,0.0,0.10688203335604604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707097714266946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318296734749186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249531484938053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224757265372416,0.1122021169833876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981294569742198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479313202066982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223567860684588,0.09693968652363126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425203349859384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071053176379238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819287770348758,0.173225589694079,0.3310397899778834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137740659092556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053051206158238,0.0969599657657518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201110449147399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410045712199473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744533967877336
suicidewatch,MephSteph,2019/02/24,"I just need to let this out. *sorry for future typos and grammatical errors. I’m not in the head space to worry about spelling* 
 
So I’m a 21f, I have (well had) a pretty well paying job. I was a freelanced nanny, worked 40+ hours at $18h with weekends off. 
I have a very loving boyfriend, I live on my own and all and all was pretty happy. 
I’ve suffered depression since around age 5, when I experienced my first racially biased assault. 
Since then I’ve struggled with self love and acceptance. I’ve had 3 suicidal attempts all throughout my youth one when I was 10, another at 14, and one that was ALMOST successful at 16. 
I had taken handfuls of random medicines from the cabinet and was going in and out of consciousness. The only person at that point who I felt really loved me was my best friend so once I was at a state where I thought I’d die I phoned her just to say I love you. I didn’t say anything other than I love you before I passed out. 
Stupid idea on my part because it caused her to call 911 and paramedics came to my house shortly after. My mother who wasn’t home came home as well I’m assuming she called her. 
I was as good as dead but they flushed me had me on supports. After I was done the extreme healing process they put me on a 4 month hold in a pure glass room (to this day i don’t know what part of the hospital this is. It was fuzzy) 
It was a large square room with a nurse and police windowed room in the center surrounded by glass “cells” with only beds in them and one bathroom off to the side which had a door with giant cracks in it so the nurses could still see in. 
 
I didn’t end up finishing Highschool, because I was in the hospital for so long I missed a year which made me need to take 5th year. The rumours that flew around while I was there were so extreme, I was branded a “slut” because I was apparently pregnant, I was branded a coke head because I had apparently run away and was addicted to drugs, I was a jailbird and attempted to kill someone etc etc. 
My depression and anxiety couldn’t handle it. 
 
I regret it to this day but if I was back in that moment I would do the same thing. 
Back to the main story, I had this great job, and the family I worked for ended up getting a divorce. The mother had been planning it for months, she ran away with the children leaving me jobless and him wireless. I went to work and no one was there. I tried calling no response, the dad messaged me a few days later basically saying “sorry you don’t have a job anymore”. 
I get it life is tough and I’m not mad at either of them, it just would’ve been nice to have been told ahead of time. 
 
I’ve been applying relentlessly for a new “normal” job and I have gotten no responses. 
The people looking for nannies in my area are trying to charge $13h. $2 below minimum wage. 
I finally found a job that paid the same as my last had an interview that went well, and again no call back. 
I’ve applied for government assistance and my appointment has been canceled. 
I have no way of paying rent at this point, I’ve used all of my savings, I can’t find a job, I can’t move out, I can’t move in with my boyfriend who lives at home, I’ve got no where to go. 
My depression is starting to sneak out more and more. I’ve been having non stop panic attacks, I’m starting to lose motivation and just give up. 
I’m at the point where I’m about to evicted, I’m $3000 in debt (which is going up), I don’t have my Highschool diploma. I’ve got nothing to live for. 
My boyfriend doesn’t fully understand depression and if I was to bring up suicide I think he’d have a brain aneurysm. His father committed suicide when he was a child and it really scarred him. 
 
I feel like a failure. 
Tomorrow I’m going to sit down and write out everything good in my life. 
if after that I still feel like committing I’m going to give it another day try again and if it fails I’m just going to go for it.
 
 Wish me luck! Either I get my shit together with living, or I get my shit together with my suicide attempts. ",2.9699463203463203,4.226220772121216,4.277870129870132,87.71642424242425,74.00606060606059,7.371428571428571,26.18614718614719,7.903304296703973,1.3927419913419912,3127,108,669,44,63,1032,350,825,0.155,0.754,0.091,-0.9963,14,0,1,0,1,3,80.0,0,3,4,14,33,43,7,2,43,0,70,18,6,4,7,102,132,47,7,12,16,4,4,2,1,1,5,3,10,4,35,45,1,2,14,1,6,19,19,20,4,5,58,11,93,23,107,69,18,127,0,9,3,6,51,61,2,9,46,442,128,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058067466292017075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053337896049701114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170744419047672,0.040748108375276704,0.0,0.052825253273207404,0.0,0.0,0.04383312575888707,0.09483551723598443,0.0,0.0605974140225052,0.10008974155061663,0.12287408712557055,0.0,0.12988108512596808,0.0,0.04532518045469349,0.0,0.05589905723371759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594621279873898,0.2175609068517272,0.1218435223832072,0.0,0.05471853811199515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252832057390205,0.0,0.0,0.13740785840845565,0.0,0.183510648928216,0.0,0.055281378442725945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450929608818714,0.0,0.0,0.06177129166349338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435518554747084,0.0,0.11881065284695358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787176913110747,0.0,0.050214153633487434,0.0,0.05386546838258849,0.07610604162314487,0.05114341723224385,0.058349961678669265,0.04868387724759329,0.045307770170784266,0.0,0.0584030816525388,0.0411529412957376,0.0,0.111316501864558,0.10219461025073626,0.2119048408110137,0.08935347009117939,0.08520287917259653,0.058725613171599814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670231931313904,0.0,0.0,0.10933193372527042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602894954586708,0.0,0.052455976792941686,0.06146145666237731,0.0,0.06013048243563032,0.0,0.0,0.3171478800380183,0.0,0.05893059592529446,0.0,0.02927343115406515,0.04341864803332465,0.0,0.05640067657840483,0.0,0.054467778650188835,0.07524626663851748,0.05204585284597489,0.0,0.18813832666474944,0.047138461003359895,0.04472976574202397,0.05959068420438299,0.0,0.0,0.2403718320678636,0.050401285421063965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503233390165221,0.11322600122894855,0.0,0.07899167097442318,0.0,0.05144433698786887,0.0,0.0,0.052189068513638685,0.051109867794115256,0.0,0.0,0.05672622328337059,0.14437684496011335,0.081021917602236,0.0,0.062495812505274126,0.0,0.11536310686955792,0.0,0.03692772386629548,0.04650954746106127,0.0,0.0,0.1510598870206122,0.0,0.0,0.10838071569302617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354673226674159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824673213048331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707704796493502,0.0,0.0,0.0424458599727415,0.0,0.05556773328524359,0.0,0.10935293421501023,0.08812386125534594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04513184774517887,0.0,0.0,0.1192531619202154,0.07540346152041492,0.0,0.08507610043591346,0.044532503362176686,0.0,0.055684866212912784,0.0,0.23305608550368745,0.06044527574291265,0.0,0.0,0.040049171180330224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035387358746691626,0.034130504483233515,0.0,0.042287009394418686,0.031059653196392624,0.0,0.0,0.05089765109463501,0.0,0.1084917246890199,0.0,0.0,0.05545146360159273,0.0,0.04600445547632983,0.0,0.04394977410792195,0.0,0.04227982677770704,0.0,0.0,0.1915690152539748,0.09875565975104277,0.0,0.0,0.06125291674209781,0.0,0.0,0.11633417390212583,0.05409389552528997,0.0,0.07567683826865372,0.0,0.0,0.06860271817363503
suicidewatch,sophii1,2019/02/24,"I’m lost I have bipolar disorder. Last semester, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, ran away from campus police and turned myself in (for smoking weed) was hospitalized for a insane freak out and left my home and moved in with a new boyfriend after sleeping with a bunch of random people (3) while I was insane and ruining my status as a girl who had only slept with 1 guy now I feel like a whore. And I failed all my classes and my best friend stopped being my friend. I’m working like 30 hours a week at a shitty job and I hate everything. I love my new boyfriend and living away from the chaos of my family, but now that I’m not attending school I feel like a waste of space. I texted my old best friend and now I just want to cry more. She will never be my friend again. My life is going nowhere. I told all these people I was going to pursue a music career and even started a social media for it, now I can’t do anything musical, It just sounds horrible to me. I have really bad performing anxiety, and I hate my voice. I’m sit at guitar. I hate myself and I kinda think I should just leave this world. all I do is smoke weed and vape and that’s all that makes me happy. I’m horrible at everything and I’m a shit person. The end. ",1.8138119312436811,3.5768263333333365,3.4661779575328637,90.1912082912033,78.30232558139534,6.657499157398046,20.519716885743176,7.586124646067393,0.5954315470171898,966,24,210,14,23,321,142,258,0.234,0.637,0.129,-0.9799,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,6,9,22,4,0,13,0,15,7,3,1,5,39,38,18,0,2,5,0,2,3,4,2,2,2,1,3,8,20,0,1,3,1,0,5,3,11,0,0,8,4,36,11,27,26,8,36,0,4,0,2,12,12,1,2,21,135,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872185115141294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543893481545533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179278377747982,0.0,0.096835692611997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24342076396377146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739494918687433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329193356032016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272092449555102,0.0,0.0,0.0766015105847793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846474325084932,0.0,0.10933250258722467,0.0,0.11728259933020027,0.1657075424072626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584132150093676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182445232655324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483515789165437,0.0,0.12345934411749356,0.0,0.34350891481905044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633407720629108,0.0,0.11421367888206273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508897029271466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453648234491964,0.0,0.12280257002713525,0.12600901408428972,0.0,0.0819177666717485,0.16998105899992846,0.0,0.1024095429197482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660225834831135,0.0,0.10467349163455543,0.0,0.0774153417975707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326486833434824,0.0,0.0,0.0894483738138097,0.22402202167451332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169802779578665,0.0,0.0,0.08820549959405093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080726938548093,0.10126637312723677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429763798955702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737460296368292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904840665291992,0.0,0.0,0.11606044795120013,0.1182236311568614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208889879873002,0.0,0.0,0.09696170674504362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431318064132131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082069829564432,0.0,0.0,0.12614933623235294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840605718773228,0.0,0.09302950589157573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443241230333477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468518654078808
suicidewatch,Criticized-,2019/02/24,"How to do it but make it look like an accident? I don’t want to exist. I shouldn’t be here anymore, there’s no real point to being alive. 

The only real thing I have left is that I don’t really want my family to deal with living their whole lives with regret and sorrow thinking they could have done something for me.

I know there’s no real hope for me, my own psychologist told me it’s something I’m going to have to deal with my whole life and frankly.. I just don’t want to anymore. It’s just not worth it.

Is there a way I can suicide with it looking like an accident? I had an idea of just crashing my car into a pole, or off a bridge.?
",0.8746488294314361,2.6305812028985542,2.9152173913043486,93.06908026755856,81.17391304347825,5.695429208472687,19.31103678929766,6.67199483983844,0.027501003344482026,498,12,114,5,13,168,78,138,0.204,0.677,0.119,-0.9508,0,0,2,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,16,1,0,2,0,28,28,5,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,7,2,0,0,3,2,17,3,16,21,3,7,0,2,2,0,5,4,0,2,2,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27970585952524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125921763097489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907687411481081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431137164272845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294013877933145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014433298469603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006366067839238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919325730763434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750034041345145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321752839644234,0.0,0.0996058721069432,0.13778949558194584,0.0,0.2490446761193965,0.0,0.2368408440661661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941312605005804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725128465598263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330851225126722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815313978472962,0.09034036605380297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171265922481976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542518697834128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368674053846536,0.090359264754863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474967335803806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952993448482405,0.11193429805508216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148852978744021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheBearPrince,2019/02/24,"Theres really nothing in this world for me I know what people say. I do.
The only thing keeping me in this world is my cats. And one of them is sick and old. I feel like my time is coming and I dont want to leave them alone. 
Ive had a terrible past. As a Trans and Gay male, My childhood was horrible. An adult did horrible things to me. My mother traps me by using my autism as a crutch so i cant do anything without her. Im a 19(almost 20) year old with nothing to show. No car, no work (got fired for not being fast enough) and a terrible show of life. Im not scared of death. I just want to have peace",-0.9126973684210532,1.064569548872182,1.4924765037594017,99.16773731203008,90.35338345864662,4.828759398496241,16.58317669172932,6.322622252153567,-0.5124432330827067,462,11,115,5,16,156,85,133,0.189,0.708,0.103,-0.9033,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,1,7,0,13,3,0,1,0,17,21,8,1,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,7,0,1,2,2,0,2,7,3,0,1,4,3,19,1,16,16,1,13,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,8,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265215126165234,0.17857349418912224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418856764005563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485232099639542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207311516079773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815432792993038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717993850286616,0.1231757604199543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789876872091075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724829818234936,0.0,0.0,0.15325342220618446,0.0,0.0,0.09475665967119724,0.0,0.0,0.1825662214872619,0.0,0.0,0.1217842357096568,0.08423493541751083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33088026633559314,0.0,0.3618482755241868,0.0,0.11683518999093193,0.1311319850368261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459290042194505,0.11953322944668165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045566090501713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711405543432045,0.17262092647567834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229094286335968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053857274012394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891416410966138,0.0,0.0,0.20339371374469215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166205213183375,0.0,0.12552267010265614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103181557853478
suicidewatch,EuronymousFromMayhem,2019/02/24,"My story could be yours too So I'm posting this here to help prevent suicide

A couple weeks ago I tried to kill myself,and failed,luckiest thing that ever happened to me.After that I started to realize how good life can be.I took up a few hobbies,and here I am,no longer depressed.People,before you do whatever it is you're planning,look into life a little more,and ask yourself ""do I really want to die?"" please consider life again,you're all great people.",3.9617582417582433,5.507269131868135,5.0404395604395615,82.07956043956045,71.96703296703296,7.397802197802199,27.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.80706153846154,365,13,67,5,7,120,70,91,0.106,0.725,0.16899999999999998,0.3597,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,2,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,2,8,12,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,7,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889166006230395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886643394406107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172474675464575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611282074817965,0.22329801727759166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094460654781974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18254795553360972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692679639565305,0.0,0.2224953314854368,0.0,0.0,0.17845918985412304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526843823569218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327195523219645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276313724436779,0.0,0.20226581379430594,0.0,0.0,0.1694688828017296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990907406323227,0.0,0.0,0.22152587557542008,0.0,0.0,0.19327740756787706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928412721549135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284157508165066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074648606614375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407305074418402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242174225743585,0.1370151849391218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903228203583008,0.0,0.16187914986168578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Conway2709,2019/02/24,"The thought has been crossing my mind every second for over 2 days, help. Sometimes I feel like the only way to stop the pain and heartache is to just end the shit for good. Although I love life and I love the people in my life - there’s always that one thing that I can’t seem to shake. And for me that was my past relationship. We broke up around November after a pregnancy scare after almost 2 years. She basically stated she was unsure if she’d ever want kids with me, etc. I gave up at that point, couldn’t let myself continue to be treated that way any longer. Found out she’s pregnant, back with her ex, has moved on without me. Spent 3 months hoping she’d come back only to find out she’s back with her ex. She says the baby isn’t mine, but it’s still a thought in my mind. I quit my job because I couldn’t bare to see her face again. Everything seems so lonely and cold & this is the darkest place I’ve ever been in life. Never thought I could feel this low & how someone who used to tell me they love me could treat me the way she has treated me - like dirt beneath her shoe and discarded of like a piece of trash. 

Everything seems so hopeless and it’s taking its toll on me. I just want the pain and the thoughts to stop for good, but they haven’t at all. ",3.2512320574162668,4.208338325757577,3.8190988835725683,92.42956937799043,72.93939393939394,6.770015948963318,23.36443381180224,6.8360192770164,0.4758515151515148,994,25,225,8,19,313,143,264,0.14400000000000002,0.728,0.128,-0.7524,1,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,2,1,14,21,1,2,13,0,20,11,3,2,4,50,42,14,0,8,6,2,2,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,12,15,0,2,11,0,1,4,7,9,0,2,11,5,39,12,34,23,3,43,0,4,1,3,27,17,1,6,21,146,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970635084636608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065528234518878,0.21005180594692652,0.0,0.06591716017861209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629013057914016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360443285134504,0.0,0.05908891585096791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349843162706254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547848081643015,0.0,0.0,0.06251319331744329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585308035438102,0.0,0.10810492784939882,0.0,0.17536128974343254,0.0816694851004573,0.0,0.1742326642917406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802357673389576,0.06924832025939312,0.0,0.0,0.08859419439533885,0.0,0.0,0.1062810577493118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260411345005152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497155150615606,0.0,0.0,0.09627545873725876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619016439899106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911965198408,0.2053980522194092,0.14206840124064204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624550469850279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957476019842745,0.0,0.07737028709997366,0.10302349494955476,0.0,0.0,0.07476002053445616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568370778856929,0.14744247837594884,0.2062852030143538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925326691061761,0.06720052164599744,0.0,0.10127342620664008,0.0,0.09163217717150658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309923283859147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040688125759415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708430612003626,0.09704595416586888,0.0,0.07724234350887269,0.2647300630484662,0.0,0.0,0.09949942012911724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213026403427788,0.0,0.0958683374245582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741010994342377,0.1620791721133838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288088495658551,0.0,0.0847229384399958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439738815373375,0.0,0.0,0.3078130783736501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371822258103243,0.0,0.0,0.1143461422939028,0.23082059632363836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343909704363026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062421102154760336
suicidewatch,FearfulTurtler,2019/02/24,"Constant thoughts of suicide They never go away. Even when I feel okay the thought is just dulled a little. The only way it's going to go away is to be dead. 

I need to go back to the doctor but d/t weather I can't travel to get there. Why do I want to die?",-1.3705911330049254,0.498158689655174,1.2724630541871915,100.69741379310345,91.41379310344827,3.3142857142857145,16.9064039408867,3.1291,-1.134111330049261,196,5,49,0,7,67,44,58,0.21,0.741,0.049,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,4,1,5,1,0,0,1,8,15,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,9,12,0,13,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,31,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025927996468148,0.16474622997840194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315298295444522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235930047173755,0.0,0.0,0.21929555732808972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151113927615794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083320297588464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193760079268132,0.0,0.4870564115714132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147363559299251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886482207714903,0.16524401657565996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294797116516674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343564397411489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34018362395672097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637112521837734,0.1700629212076788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332871441873176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BirdLaD44,2019/02/24,"How to Die? I'm not exactly suicidal atm, but I'd like to have a plan B for when the time comes.  I'm 32 F.  I've thought about using the nitrogen/exit bag method, but suicide tourism appeals more to me because my family wouldn't have a hold of my body, something they'd secretly enjoy.  Anyone know details about Switzerland legislation and how easy it would be for me to have assisted suicide there, or is Belgium better?  I've seen youtubes about young healthy girls with mental illness die humanely and am super jealous.",6.638233333333332,7.06053489,6.722000000000001,76.55433333333336,65.1,9.866666666666667,37.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.730866666666667,419,21,75,8,6,134,75,100,0.21600000000000005,0.5820000000000001,0.202,-0.581,0,0,2,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,3,7,5,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,3,1,18,16,8,5,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,4,11,10,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,40,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428657174103315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455194411433695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070497080979733,0.0,0.2269541309009744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760041090596236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241050589735343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261528192626395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228926082962112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982072676352773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590711269369572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572959836043051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6704807364908069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622077372004655,0.11914098763113325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646740052844562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514349524636866,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boeys_,2019/02/24,Is it selfish to want to die even though I have a semi normal life? I see so many people on this subject after browsing for almost a year with just awful stories that are way worse than anything I have ever even imagined experiencing. I realized that maybe I'm just too soft for this world and that other people have it way worse than me so I don't really deserve to even be here,6.7291558441558434,5.799789935064938,7.395422077922081,76.32741883116887,65.23376623376622,9.258441558441561,30.938311688311693,8.07648339933343,2.1503532467532467,303,9,58,3,4,101,54,77,0.204,0.78,0.016,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,0,0,1,10,10,4,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,10,9,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117279278628872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399818095626798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944269598065705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189649704083504,0.19126076881220955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934724927981932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436829982764374,0.21242121406571007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716758912257266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931735607875535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354547165109049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684913475029577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077400120883218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471356202865296,0.3356645378626961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309535146646353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616127032017394
suicidewatch,FallOutPoet,2019/02/24,"I don’t know I don’t know what to do, I just don’t. I’ve never really opened up before but lately so much has just hit me at once. I was kicked out of my apartment on Valentine’s Day, I had a calculus exam just two hours after I got kicked out and completely failed. It feels like my whole family hates me over being kicked out. I completely forgot I had a politics exam so got a 0 on 20% of my final grade.  And too top it all off? That same day I found out my dad is having exams taken because they think he might have cancer. I had been staying with my girlfriend who lives three hours away, but her family never liked me and today she asked me if we were just fooling ourselves by staying together, we’ve been together for more than 2 years and now just like that, it’s over. And I get it, I get why she wouldn’t want to be with me. But now I’m stranded in a city three hours away from my relatives house where’s I’m staying and I had to ask a friend to come and get me. If there’s any silver lining in any of this is that he dropped everything and is coming to get me without question but I feel like shit over that too before I’m making drive so fucking far. I feel like I’m being tossed around and thrown out of everything, I just want to puke and breakdown and cry but I can’t because I’m in public and I just can’t. I can’t handle it. I feel so alone and I feel like I’m losing everything in my life. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to go. I don’t know why I’m posting this it seems dumb when I think about it but I have no one I can open up to I have no one to turn to and I just can’t hold it anymore. I’m sorry for putting this here. God I’m sorry I just don’t know how else to handle it.",0.9374410994764408,2.1924129371727794,3.0279286649214683,94.6158196989529,79.31413612565444,6.1362565445026185,19.52912303664921,6.770275591412753,-0.017976701570680653,1330,29,325,13,32,452,165,382,0.146,0.779,0.075,-0.9842,0,1,0,0,1,0,27.0,1,0,1,3,25,14,4,0,5,0,35,4,1,2,3,73,79,28,0,5,18,1,5,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,19,27,0,2,16,0,0,5,17,7,0,5,13,5,49,7,47,60,5,53,0,2,0,1,15,28,3,5,21,214,68,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819000044332709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581020797507165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444618795127458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580179380822898,0.1592080172826934,0.0,0.1600029645530306,0.0,0.0,0.10381362933687878,0.0,0.14491321746463956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669883693593938,0.17855687750620694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353357398996688,0.10982976056101393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113212490651827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295827182899224,0.0,0.16054419402844033,0.0,0.21527267666819647,0.24332548154180944,0.0,0.0932779594142662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336287674110144,0.06578688790064406,0.07872005314767225,0.17795000792358934,0.0,0.048392861114477,0.0,0.13620490017126158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406826357851463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515675932028802,0.09825197986703564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28077817135260325,0.0,0.09605321420834582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014415437181447,0.2496007268787517,0.0,0.07518924903303675,0.0,0.0,0.09526137229181396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056838466879562115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033098100256448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259524646328474,0.0,0.13134627618750508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068225926676424,0.11540005423407497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815504215996982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559954069292221,0.09538779071311762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454944379295693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751760840379858,0.0,0.0,0.08740552920763524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906375133350466,0.0,0.2722765768128764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912171046512648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071250024194528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261904298078467,0.08317944163314918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044767162542866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366975001718985,0.09506723631935696,0.0,0.08208182233809913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054833982554678966
suicidewatch,DonEladio4921,2019/02/24,"My mother has Alzheimers disease Took her to the hospital today. Doctors told me the news a few hours ago. She was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimers. 
I grew up an only child with my mother. I haven't seen my father since 1981. She's been my only friend, my only hope, and why I kept living in this pathetic world because I'm all she's got.
Sitting by her side, watching her cry to me...

I'm 46 years old, never married, dead-end job at a countertop factory, no one to call a friend, renting a basement room of some crappy house and calling it my home, and nearly broke.
Now the only person I love in my life isn't going to remember my name in a few months. 

Why me? Why? I used to say I have nothing in my life, but after today I truly have NOTHING. It feels like my heart's been ripped out from my chest. What more can life take from my fucking life which already is so miserable and worthless...",2.7261721611721623,4.3431885769230805,3.9244175824175827,88.53724908424908,75.31868131868131,6.391794871794873,24.770695970695968,7.03164865440522,0.9677043223443218,699,23,143,7,15,228,116,182,0.106,0.825,0.069,-0.7675,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,1,9,0,10,10,2,1,2,18,24,6,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,6,1,3,2,5,7,0,1,2,0,1,3,4,4,0,1,8,4,28,5,20,16,5,27,0,3,2,2,19,11,1,2,12,87,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913669510059386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586379520774353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750516014863514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514345251151649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135239362413764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249621974114652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601650914187273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904602124337608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622521695596368,0.08795553719102588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902413517486935,0.11382062443172318,0.0,0.0,0.06997080730820494,0.0,0.09846872663482148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458954450020683,0.0,0.0,0.12349741123012585,0.122283972518444,0.1212464482267872,0.1420616634892322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217563618171284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34784759068574395,0.060149245027094636,0.0,0.10871546617782796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111881876505544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827162794723536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495620604065527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362701189928453,0.0,0.12919164999212104,0.0,0.08342795582046385,0.3745472046615805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750190508410566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946871481383286,0.0,0.0,0.09790839010085024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184449737173304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256942786918096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334029719149261,0.1176445430169001,0.13678864892425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633443832587068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332845864016141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928396748848393
suicidewatch,lesbihonestquackle,2019/02/24,"My world is crumbling and my support system has gone I have no idea where to turn. When it all came down a few days ago I just wanted to turn to my gf but she's broken up with me, and the one person I wanted to talk to about this isn't there.

My dad has been drinking alot more and over the last few days has got increasingly angry and drunk and is blaming my brother of stealing even though he didn't. He doesn't remember saying yes to my brother getting some money out of his wallet and screamed and shouted and threw things. 

My house has been so tense, and not only that but it worried me that he didn't remember as this has been happening increasingly more. However this is the only time he's ever got angry and blamed us for trying to make him think he's gone senile. 
I just want my mum or to make this all go away and the suicidal thoughts have started appearing again. It's only slight and I know I won't do anything as I don't want to die, and it'd hurt my ex gf, but I just needed to write it all down, it's worrying me as I've been very ill in the past. I hope this is okay I'm sorry",3.639929078014184,3.8283988085106415,4.830638297872341,88.33333333333334,71.55319148936171,7.798581560283687,25.453900709219862,7.554174236665415,1.0276156028368797,860,23,196,9,15,285,127,235,0.238,0.705,0.057,-0.9947,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,7,2,23,3,0,2,4,46,49,23,2,6,8,5,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,1,14,16,2,0,6,2,1,8,8,3,0,1,13,3,25,3,25,34,11,28,0,1,0,0,20,9,0,5,10,132,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160247946000588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107710117156509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297409324494575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970162227132705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882456214520647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358416413511667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282209407967256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645064716413853,0.11839617921859068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838386066303613,0.0,0.07438697441270235,0.0,0.20936704692778135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574430490558475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000185484134658,0.0,0.15102780335879118,0.14011889068395872,0.1477572314474064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193291932957997,0.10669163071261127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473823551889034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705219497514976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869346308361346,0.2986399014247519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494792312600073,0.0,0.11428682575555202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965424044496485,0.0,0.0,0.1040878216130971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465190061092813,0.09264358329183894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317082023605218,0.14853076569622942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520325161804454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695653094492765,0.08386809228987042,0.12859732738097734,0.10391088149007424,0.07632216107576377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888647278700083,0.2847382949333215,0.0,0.0,0.1574427994389566,0.0,0.0,0.10799675442280328,0.3088058117225476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658473345720566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,benis62637,2019/02/24,"Why is life such a chore I've lost all motivation, I dont want to wake up tomorrow.    
I hate waking up every day, getting ready to go to school, come home, eat, take a shower and then go to sleep. I dont see what the point of putting effort into doing anything when one day I will die and it will all be for nothing. If I'm going to die anyways why shouldn't I just end it now. I dont see it getting any better, if I do decide to keep on pushing and finish school, I'd still have to get a job and the cycle would begin anew",4.559252873563217,3.045544465517242,6.089655172413792,85.83752873563219,69.86206896551724,8.422988505747126,27.09195402298851,6.42735559955562,0.9912402298850572,402,9,96,2,6,139,77,116,0.132,0.799,0.069,-0.8032,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,0,5,0,12,5,3,1,2,17,28,8,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,1,2,7,1,13,22,2,21,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,2,10,57,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561424642724348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570354456505574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243511276084046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211162555584232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813534398208896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29184555395157186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4943538265145559,0.0,0.0,0.14387104510221127,0.0,0.0,0.12453172374687944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184633296219411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037637536664836,0.0,0.2397222332377619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881546041669793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103536583366175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952588457696272,0.1249736028034402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931141818694736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348379641039755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491150274245625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952756187574516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291442691100686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134394058999802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845936541742495,0.224083332681904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070363670474872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122850151316451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571527770905972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293075883175942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537430439589434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987969460955473,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Okayrightnow,2019/02/24,"Does anyone else feel this way? I'm not currently suicidal and am not sure that I ever really have been. In my worst times I mostly just wish I didn't exist but occasionally wish I could die/imagine what would come after. I've never, though, harmed myself or had a plan of any kind to kill myself.

​

Even so, I've realized that despite currently being relatively satisfied with my life, I would not be surprised at all to look in a crystal ball and find out I'll end up purposefully killing myself one day. I live in an area with a lot of guns and in my happier times I'm really glad that neither I nor any of my family have access to guns because I'm kind of scared of what I might do to myself in my darker times. Does anyone else get this way? Relatively content but still feel the darkness at the back of their mind?",6.405741849634065,5.771989041916172,7.262235528942118,76.04542248835666,65.76646706586827,10.535994677312043,30.53160345974717,9.994966539143718,2.7219799068529613,658,20,131,13,9,221,102,167,0.133,0.691,0.175,0.8416,2,0,0,2,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,2,1,6,0,13,1,0,0,4,31,23,9,3,5,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,3,18,5,22,14,5,25,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,4,12,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845609688953495,0.15527399849430548,0.17379774813607501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870190962657748,0.26186375256231265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825955992214544,0.0,0.07789717037925709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100763393807892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202673716425713,0.0,0.0,0.0824114100025504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326217116580659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236528106096587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134976414436276,0.0,0.11318048286444772,0.0,0.0,0.08440145957318487,0.11558976898073067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046528491024745,0.0,0.1292249002720428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679410522326727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667629201230985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28275259122706536,0.2661389465769511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902590434482238,0.0,0.0,0.11283739485898507,0.0,0.10730807121456833,0.0,0.0,0.1086391026557829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355607710206995,0.1290274502713715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855645467954367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659111278420425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372599029149518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793609626114727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205007887686823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977716295483664,0.0,0.12043680948385148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554911367589575,0.0,0.2235391638078909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286118594800884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938952280577554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155104135939096,0.0,0.15527399849430548,0.0
suicidewatch,a_green_apple,2019/02/24,"I can't handle any kind of stress The title sums it up really. Anything bad that happens, irrespective of magnitude or impact, really throws me into a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. I don't even want that bad thing to get better at this point cause I know I'm going to get back here when something else goes wrong in my life. And I keep fucking up so that's not too far away.

I have people who love me and that's guilting me into not doing it. I just don't know if it's worth my sanity anymore. 

There are kids who die of cancer man. They'd give anything to not die. And on the other hand there's me.. I have everything but not the will to live. I'm such an ungrateful pos.

I'm sorry for the poorly formatted rant. Just needed to say this to somebody.",0.8449648382559793,3.1570413164556967,2.9940928270042204,89.23061884669481,85.20253164556964,6.042756680731365,18.904360056258792,7.3871296695380915,0.5644165963431784,600,16,124,10,18,203,102,158,0.187,0.763,0.051,-0.9567,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,11,10,1,2,6,0,9,5,1,1,0,21,24,9,2,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,13,6,0,1,2,0,2,2,7,7,0,0,0,2,14,3,19,22,0,15,0,1,0,2,8,11,1,2,2,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283810910493683,0.0,0.1269360173415911,0.0,0.16455800116675387,0.0,0.0,0.27309254997673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558967235015626,0.1275899493751464,0.27708928515713643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675162571172087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045584640942402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429152900803857,0.0,0.3444183444319344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861324681837034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959521865011006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912721004457272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339963723639055,0.17338318236703715,0.1591752026810068,0.09430185883978044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146731375874472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474862330176101,0.0,0.1727905902866502,0.1823816080196166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720128599530333,0.0,0.0,0.1465192548092878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975832871942074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303501335947045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503498895967434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685750989855626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259804979016092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131954218304951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277410422547405,0.0,0.1857450815892167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007228659278966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023653766142832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786982968415636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814184376173768,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tastybeansincars2,2019/02/24,"What’s the point. I hate my life. I’m a disappointment, and I’m a failure. Everyone hates, me, I have no friends. My family hates me because I’m not as good as my sister was. I’m being crushed under the weight of high school, expectations from my family, and a  job hour per week job. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be happy.The only person who cares about me is my dog. I’ve thought about ending it, but it would make my dog sad. I know it’s a bad way to go, but I know that life doesn’t get any better from here. Give me a reason not to end it all.",0.5618479880774991,2.062773426229512,2.953487332339794,93.6416616989568,81.13114754098359,6.403576751117736,18.46795827123696,7.348242739294969,0.07349836065573756,426,9,105,6,11,147,75,122,0.211,0.711,0.078,-0.9253,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,3,11,3,0,7,0,7,3,0,2,1,15,23,6,0,2,4,1,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,2,1,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,2,14,5,11,18,1,9,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,57,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564553916355364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971347694087065,0.09470190094279624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739732741377944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839299493544776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751937413054207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844669052495962,0.0,0.0,0.2929064412243105,0.0,0.07855127243597854,0.11098439480934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200255377082446,0.0,0.08116566259553255,0.14902899598454153,0.08829083365788211,0.1303029377258894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601375226374342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164139241021291,0.0,0.0,0.15299166043415074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083282639187336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075616975138852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946119352497984,0.07589775210027724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369950255185888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815314920599243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564846805152148,0.0,0.0,0.14685903846256854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972901788003166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572257857025674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333312956088485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331218093836058,0.1246150085964531,0.18917840944584013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035849345470487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadpotato37489,2019/02/24,sorry if this post is stupid latly i have become pretty depressed...and the other day i cut for the first time and every night since then i have cut 3 or 4 cuts. i have a lot of suecidal thoughts and i have a plan on how to end it ... i just dont know if i am able to bring myself tl do it!even though i want to.and i just want someone to speek to.,2.479740259740261,2.513794896103896,3.901714285714288,94.51828571428571,74.06493506493507,6.679480519480518,21.893506493506493,5.6839178017228535,-0.051938181818182105,265,5,67,1,5,88,54,77,0.158,0.762,0.08,-0.68,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,4,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,13,8,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,10,0,7,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,44,13,0,0.2461568577920981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718609098692578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875080922714754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884940040517238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802191277754307,0.0,0.0,0.16258428301106392,0.0,0.2073977693480644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093808974886696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528137148456018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092737578423056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310015359150268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235750225724568,0.25043001936236475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362349648040445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856790679804854,0.0,0.0,0.2755524491394775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418478629741049,0.19542104909909155,0.14353604331958547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903793848600989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuhkmalief,2019/02/24,"lowkey doing drugs to hopefully od if i’m gonna die, it’s gonna be after a trip. 
love that i’m one step closer with every drug i try.",-0.7891666666666666,0.5349042500000003,2.5825,95.54583333333336,84.625,5.516666666666668,13.791666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.8405958333333339,104,1,27,1,3,38,27,32,0.119,0.6709999999999999,0.21,0.4588,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,8,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330053776615007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7376027398103265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679449373321488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158648756784464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870247927991231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549807673579696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159141979559805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowHerAway33,2019/02/24,"How often do you think people really do it after posting in here? I post in here all the time from other names when I wish I could build up the courage to go through with it. How many of these posts do you think really result in an attempt or death? 

I never attempted before. Only planned. And think about it almost daily. And I post in here when I think I’m very close. I don’t know why. I guess because I can’t really talk to anyone else about it.",1.3294562647754131,3.2594335531914886,3.0450354609929104,91.83388888888894,80.48936170212768,5.879905437352246,17.891252955082738,6.937597516519254,0.01673664302600475,350,7,76,4,9,116,60,94,0.044,0.8859999999999999,0.07,0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,3,10,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,3,2,21,15,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,11,1,14,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,4,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194177063671555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130801655107056,0.16570386149134236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858456395579517,0.0,0.13761397656971974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912229476629591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509843672649882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191065069236133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815561893043966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888784827448751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639612798976248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473039857939655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299728493847945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211805173040942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195419853960552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108108153839157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998645781075827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145011136988907,0.0,0.0,0.09430171803738273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343803871619792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592944486585832,0.0,0.1859729484761749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Palmtreelamp,2019/02/24,Things are objectively better than they’ve been in years but I constantly want to die Over nothing. Unprovoked. Can’t believe I have to deal with this for the rest of my life,2.3526470588235284,5.102427500000005,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,82.82352941176471,6.929411764705884,23.20588235294117,8.07648339933343,1.4679647058823528,141,5,28,3,4,44,32,34,0.15,0.755,0.095,-0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,8,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987604096193337,0.0,0.3130242854876033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824749917443788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364888576419567,0.0,0.0,0.3673257643714769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24999279312227704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33960750949524915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513683932797386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875839268627355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279207447513215
suicidewatch,liviapng,2019/02/24,"I’m so pathetic I tried to kill myself over a fanfiction I’ve realized that I’ve been using fanfic to cope since 2015. Last Sunday I saw a fanfic with almost a million clicks that hated my favourite character and I on Friday after being a mess all week I took all of my medication and chugged a beer then went to bed. Woke up Saturday fine. This character is the only thing I can use to cope with my issues and now that it’s ruined by my own stupid head’s fears that he isn’t popular, I can’t function. It’s just a fanfiction, it shouldn’t be so important to me, I feel like reality and fiction has overlapped so much and it’s just proof I can’t cope with this world. I just want to leave. I can’t believe this is the best mental state I’ve been in since I was 12. I feel disgusting, whiny and alone. 

",3.253264299802762,4.121671284023673,4.984156804733729,84.41260601577912,72.84615384615384,8.946942800788955,25.325936883629193,9.2995712137729,1.8706800788954645,633,19,138,14,12,216,99,169,0.18600000000000005,0.725,0.08900000000000001,-0.954,0,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,4,1,8,0,14,3,1,2,3,23,25,10,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,9,1,0,3,1,0,2,5,7,0,1,7,4,18,4,16,15,5,16,0,1,2,0,1,6,0,1,8,88,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463594593653416,0.20131125333050975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189912061426048,0.20398190943840305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872306108168474,0.1965611163625629,0.13885972732223145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190256742527292,0.1994822248131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028743531612982,0.0,0.0,0.2150443330542212,0.0,0.0,0.15843950093901274,0.0,0.20581237450890916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496056791695244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580980874616524,0.1958817271071756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288612603141762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478290178469788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215738220913621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913242842274442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595495971043666,0.13196614430545986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33575080279083497,0.0,0.0,0.11464591545183835,0.0,0.15591386648263947,0.0,0.0,0.1801852217260305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whyistheskyeblue,2019/02/24,"Told my partner that I'm still feeling suicidal This is more of a rant than anything.  I can't really talk to anyone in the real world about this.  Yesterday, thanks to a stupid argument and a stupid panic attack over  something really, really stupid, I told my partner that I'm still  feeling suicidal (and have been for months).  One of his responses was  along the lines of: 'I/we put so much time and effort to love and  nurture and cherish you/each other, and you still feel like this; what's  the point?'  He had a thousand yard stare while he said it.  I was 100%  convinced that he was going to leave me in that moment.  I told him  that I felt like I'd hurt him and I should probably just keep those  feelings to myself, and he reacted in a very hurt manner, telling me  that withholding my feelings would be to the detriment of our  relationship.  I know he's right, but I can't help but think that I'm  right, too.  I'm sick of hurting him.  He's so patient and nurturing and  gentle, I have everything going for me right now and yet all I can  think of is how to stop these silly thoughts that tell me to kill myself  (mostly via just giving in).  I get the impression that he thought that  once I restarted antidepressants (after a break, supervised by doctors)  I would be okay.  I'm so sick of hurting everyone.  I feel like if I  just 'ripped off the bandaid' so to speak, and end it, then the  shockwave would hit everyone at once and they'd all get over it, and  then I wouldn't be here to hurt anyone anymore.  Work would replace me.   My friends would replace me.  My partner would find someone better and  I'd just be another ex-girlfriend, who gives a shit. ",4.95518697049372,5.542125628834358,5.377169149868539,84.1605419222904,68.78527607361963,8.663511539585159,29.94098743791995,8.704169506293173,2.1495686824423017,1289,47,262,20,21,412,163,326,0.175,0.6990000000000001,0.126,-0.9665,0,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,1,1,1,3,17,26,6,1,14,1,25,6,1,2,2,53,56,26,3,9,7,0,7,3,4,8,4,2,1,3,21,16,0,3,13,1,0,3,3,12,0,2,12,10,36,14,32,30,5,32,0,5,1,1,32,13,1,2,18,171,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777569040613557,0.0,0.0,0.08301636673431377,0.1170618983518442,0.0,0.0688849862070926,0.0,0.0,0.09523053528254097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740333906134143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567922555636748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414090989948853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599741717217825,0.07523182750974286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539532818387398,0.11960277841750384,0.08037331423740449,0.0,0.07650807818624071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467300117111595,0.0,0.08746850199255066,0.1606016955369397,0.09514697117933077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056108061893228096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44805855322265453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440398596021609,0.09261108390534104,0.0,0.0460040178830553,0.0,0.0,0.0886352447129874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268727566289743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555021481994703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681534851281533,0.0,0.06153539978878787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782937009762843,0.056723065042221785,0.0,0.0,0.09821392172913926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913161605295811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025195129410754,0.0,0.0,0.08415019120286045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952786311201575,0.16087747976315606,0.0,0.0,0.0898716321498406,0.0,0.21445987689528945,0.07962597929428157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592560118278618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092596422460072,0.06444291456905159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054921604214804,0.06998407772114887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312708662062024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728174407349398,0.14632988634470365,0.07706756608981355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727408962350699,0.0,0.1329104419747266,0.04881111590808232,0.0,0.0,0.2399612575826737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690683023584104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060940805429074325,0.0,0.0,0.3567848199332897,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WispyAvacado22,2019/02/24,"I dont know what i want I don't even know if I would be considered ""suicidal"". I want to hurt myself so fucking bad, but I don't want to die. I told my mom that I feel like I can never do anything right and that I think I'm depressed but she just told me I'm wrong. I literally get told every emotion I feel is wrong and everything I think is wrong. I'm constantly being criticized for literally everything I do and I feel like I'm never good enough for anyone ever. I'm a worthless piece of shit and no one understands. My mom won't even let me get on an anti anxiety or depression medication because I ""don't need it"". I'm so fucking done with everything and I just want to disappear. I'm so tired of being alive",1.8307591093117423,3.408680355263158,4.418684210526319,84.20809716599193,77.6842105263158,8.361133603238867,25.508097165991906,9.057496981413335,2.029493319838057,562,21,122,14,13,199,78,152,0.348,0.57,0.08199999999999999,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,3,0,2,0,16,5,1,0,3,29,43,12,2,7,6,2,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,4,3,23,3,9,33,2,7,0,4,0,2,6,2,3,2,6,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595842078106071,0.0,0.0,0.07856776665671207,0.0,0.09246628661706507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381953942735033,0.06849626529861533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214259450108708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355850133092195,0.0,0.11661645605173758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149877429027035,0.13169018225146414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263947707833466,0.0,0.11610241122531632,0.0,0.14843118789471907,0.10163998824812376,0.09467181175487076,0.0,0.3029574995193321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704443757544618,0.16054622927704884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775806333585486,0.11741147121512766,0.0,0.0,0.09424588633181387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028836146953514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350501719845572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490016157567988,0.0,0.10979109208313273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319526206726152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631995391536706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833167423292991,0.17332462870611826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614099209113971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595854160558498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534039134195355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229083622656434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399707779415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914629174150874,0.0,0.32210685727547284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169752518888311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651016213663729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982041089328286,0.3685583349332209,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charlestonchaw,2019/02/24,"I’ve decided to kill myself and I feel so relieved. I’ve struggled with depression since middle school. There were good parts, parts of my life that made me think, well maybe it’ll all work out ok. maybe i’ll be ok. But then a couple weeks ago my wife confessed to me that she doesn’t love me, she hasn’t even been attracted to me since before we were married, and she’s been sleeping with a mutual friend for the past 8 months, and lying to me about it. I guess “gaslighting” is more the right term? And even telling her that I can forgive her and want to repair our relationship, she doesn’t really want to. I’m alone. I’m not even mad at her for it, I can’t really blame her. I’m a mess. I don’t deserve her and never really did. I’ve just been fooling myself. Finding out that the past 3 years of my life have been a complete lie just feels like confirmation of what I’ve really known for a long time- I’m not really up to this life. Things don’t get better, they just get worse. I’m so tired. I haven’t been eating, I haven’t been sleeping. And I’ve just finally, really decided that when she comes home from traveling this week, and she tells me she wants a divorce and it’s all really over, that I’ll kill myself. That decision is such a relief. Im a little scared of how my family will feel and whether they’ll ever forgive me for this. I understand if they can’t. But the number one feeling I feel is relief. Just a few more days to get everything in order and it’ll all be over. Finally. I’m not looking for help, I’ve already tried and failed at that. Just sharing. And this way there will be a clear record of my intention and along with my note no question for the authorities what happened. ",2.1428685004112182,3.920993903682721,3.525755277346253,90.06633190167233,77.38526912181301,7.161071004294982,21.585397057479668,8.049812674583475,0.8982143653477106,1340,36,293,23,31,439,165,353,0.125,0.732,0.14300000000000002,0.1229,0,1,0,0,1,2,40.0,2,0,3,3,19,24,3,2,15,2,31,8,2,3,6,64,56,23,2,4,13,1,5,1,1,5,4,0,1,0,20,22,1,0,16,1,0,2,14,9,1,1,10,6,42,15,33,38,9,32,1,2,1,1,30,11,0,3,18,189,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286052374138589,0.0,0.0,0.09681258263574892,0.10315270421217623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954089335685684,0.0,0.0,0.08267161622121462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805209955892653,0.09800744059333402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342902880766068,0.0,0.060284061212873136,0.0,0.08051044038775207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564892618819468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521935573757034,0.08455407702162343,0.0,0.0,0.08400988688986433,0.0,0.08812052371547603,0.0,0.2363204863861136,0.06677902304890017,0.0,0.20479601107816925,0.08543505066063423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221905532615026,0.0,0.1465115072048813,0.0,0.0,0.07840294031142274,0.0,0.0,0.1029739670308241,0.0,0.08266020860126176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265475782373042,0.0,0.09376369850490236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009697425195866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683391434636775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807384802952813,0.04566748096046105,0.09368715825062356,0.0,0.08272300875718508,0.07849600356958085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843654236726702,0.08844892019200372,0.0,0.0,0.18781770884518395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461137203322027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209418388353628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334151961982237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245003966392344,0.17846616986148225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471412092564483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41918026486840376,0.0,0.0,0.10035786583195563,0.0,0.07982769437157096,0.0,0.0,0.09358543262521964,0.09460234824318728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464804728825032,0.0,0.18708631402547893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977210451364785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634036764404432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210106832481376,0.05989542214906906,0.0,0.0,0.054506403235718336,0.10743650887002297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346383045819146,0.0,0.0,0.0973114482627324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654030807504299,0.0741966200495013,0.14996105615743066,0.0,0.08404583533884538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680513865014212,0.0,0.0952596732147161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019525389087067
suicidewatch,I_AmAFurry,2019/02/24,"Why shouldnt I kill myself? Ive tried to in the past, but was too much of a pussy to do so. I dislike my family, i have like 4 actual friends, and i know only 1 would actually care. all my aspirations are too dumb, outlandish and foolish to pursue. Ive been asking this question to myself, and i cant even answer it coherently. I dont know what to do or if i should do it. I just want to give up.",1.1880788177339916,2.296712011494254,4.1766830870279135,87.25448275862068,78.3103448275862,7.270279146141214,21.623973727422005,7.957251820313856,0.8015628899835798,303,8,72,5,7,110,59,87,0.129,0.6990000000000001,0.172,0.4347,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,2,0,14,0,0,0,1,16,20,7,1,5,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,14,3,9,15,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,3,2,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.4597435611206048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202160358192008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24016828393828976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760736054480984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558461725260328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220642313505836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199243869280715,0.0,0.0,0.22596983052969274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260611332468126,0.0,0.2589143306355169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508231714493518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316310161434115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915337163914766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248678920720748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638801926550689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992922119670713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893890791531938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255552171110245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733448345890087,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymous77771,2019/02/24,"AA for the depressed and bipolar Starting my first out of 18 sessions of IOP tomorrow... 3/54 hours of sessions...

Mother told me I'm crazy. Said I ruined my own life. I make my parents life hell. I waste all of my father's money.

Yet they still wonder how I came up with a notion that it would be easier for them if I left. I ruined my life, what's the reason to keep living.",0.3544871794871796,2.5708808589743626,2.4643589743589764,92.83064102564106,86.56410256410255,4.4923076923076914,17.641025641025642,5.82211442006289,-0.3231128205128209,289,7,61,2,9,97,58,78,0.232,0.7340000000000001,0.034,-0.9477,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,3,1,12,10,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,3,1,14,0,10,5,2,10,1,3,0,0,7,3,1,2,6,40,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669489455200434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102822564918635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853105416496533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298532973637931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745782844184105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535912306505992,0.0,0.4945747908607907,0.0,0.0,0.2060976526807232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579720181407514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591645585213128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399754427151129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201811554530695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520266443159026,0.0,0.1863946056064979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302497536844854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531137888283188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580160997456725,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleaselovemeimtrying,2019/02/24,"I've felt for most of my life that I'm not supposed to be here. The bad outweighs the good, and I really can't imagine my life going forward. Disclaimer: I'm using a throwaway account.

​

My whole life I've felt like I'm not supposed to be here, like I have no purpose. I grew up with a lot of trauma (schizophrenic mother who was basically absent and abusive to my older siblings, alcoholic father, emotionally abusive stepmother), and most of the time I feel like the bad outweighs the good when it comes to life.  There is no amount of laughter or happiness that can outweigh all the pain and work it is to be alive. It's so much work to just simply exist and I fucking hate it. 

​

I've attempted once before. I took sleeping pills in high school after my stepmom choked me out and made me feel like I was crazy and worthless. I feel like there's no space for me here anymore. I'm an outcast, I feel like nobody truly understands me or even wants to understand me. I just feel like a big fat burden most of the time, and I'm fucking sick of it. 

​

I think another thing thats contributing to this is the fact that my sister just told the family she's pregnant. I have no desire to ever have kids or ever have anything grow inside me. I feel like there's no way to just be who I am without being that wierdo, that crazy outcast loner girl. I feel like I'll never truly be happy with being alive, because I've never wanted to be alive. (I had the first realization that I didn't want to be alive in 7th grade. It just occurred to me that I really can't do this. and I really don't want to. It doesn't seem worth it.) 

​

I don't have insurance and I cant afford a therapist. I know I need help, but then again, it's so much fucking work to tell my story to some stranger all over again.  ",2.7794446381865754,4.492765737837843,4.1178116826503945,86.7983217088056,75.40540540540543,6.720139494333044,24.90845684394072,7.4822170145007005,1.1904237140366178,1433,48,289,18,31,472,168,370,0.12,0.772,0.108,-0.5018,1,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,0,5,19,23,4,0,15,0,30,14,2,2,7,61,64,18,0,6,12,3,9,9,0,0,10,0,0,2,22,14,2,0,15,0,2,6,17,10,0,1,9,9,38,13,33,46,11,28,0,1,0,3,11,9,3,9,23,192,60,6,0.0,0.16209256006769576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731019234797641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29645815984863044,0.33246816066674856,0.0,0.07172643034895397,0.0,0.0,0.06783732054787413,0.0,0.0,0.05628977843877276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422716929174499,0.0416977877949181,0.0,0.0582058505142041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892306252453775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694408311949008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517948641432521,0.12374872244410998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064484189379226,0.0,0.2421060168289864,0.3420694397963612,0.13135506878703662,0.0,0.0,0.0581834925142477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971220401348127,0.0,0.0,0.03887495825798232,0.11474625519144588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563236985005654,0.0,0.06753372630117392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04584903832460329,0.07227144516411456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03759245833548405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326003355205434,0.3007639230800949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815372017643194,0.0,0.06472450093992732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056803988720343,0.050719901680263066,0.10551310434098646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284688201004894,0.0,0.0,0.07278553428039605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146199469985226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922741130692818,0.0,0.06227145330026344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845232413071546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059787170868781235,0.0,0.0,0.07942106733318409,0.045443863491318,0.04382983193881024,0.0,0.0,0.07977259054839769,0.0,0.0,0.06536192556585102,0.07599816583040134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241971322825314,0.0,0.0590781643135263,0.0,0.0,0.1613832681772098,0.05429505746037965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763694222351144,0.0,0.06593797811591143,0.0,0.1493944308199523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33246816066674856,0.0
suicidewatch,Rachelattack,2019/02/24,"I am nothing. I have nothing. My husband has been having his ""last night of drinking"" for three months. After 3 years of problem drinking. This excuses maxing out my card, his card, spending every dime including change from penny jar, getting deposits back at the beer store - it's always the last night so do your worst, right?

For weeks I've worked overtime shifts from 4:30am and again from 8pm-midnight just so we can pay bills. I literally sleep 2 non-consecutive hours each night. I'm a teacher, he hasn't been to work since the 3rd because of ""medical leave"" AKA he was hungover two days running and then has been drinking every day since. I have to fast for the next 3 weeks which is actually ok, I've done it for weeks before, but also necessary because we don't have any food. He's skinny and can't skip meals, I'm a fucking fatass which is probably partly why the only man who wanted me is a useless, horrible drunk. 

My friends have homes, have families. He's alienated me from everyone - I no longer speak to anyone in my family after one nightmarish drunken episode after another. I have no friends. I have become a drunk, too - at first it was to cope and then it was to keep him from having every drop. I spend most evenings hiding booze from him, hiding cards, hiding keys. He drinks until his head bobs around, until he stumbles and breaks things and 100% denies he's drunk. 

I never should have gone to university. I never should have left that shithole town. I should have married the best farmer and shut my fucking mouth. I hate my life. I hate every day I wake up. 

I hate myself for not doing it already. I've cut my arms open but never deep enough. I hung myself but not privately enough. I've overdosed but barfed most of it up. 

The only thing keeping me alive is knowing he won't take proper care of my dog. ",3.106263482280429,5.375707443502827,3.7603030303030316,87.20953004622497,76.25988700564972,6.211813045711351,24.28659476117103,7.229369725052465,1.0754644067796608,1441,48,274,17,33,455,200,354,0.183,0.767,0.051,-0.9935,0,0,5,0,0,1,51.0,2,1,0,4,9,14,6,0,11,1,36,21,6,0,3,33,51,18,0,5,7,1,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,1,13,13,12,2,1,8,7,2,11,9,0,4,8,1,37,5,34,39,8,46,0,1,0,2,23,13,2,2,29,171,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.08683234377464996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098192433408959,0.07115784691367473,0.0740390843041489,0.0,0.0,0.06050993856381279,0.09330403972211622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062217385948372575,0.0,0.0,0.07921170277753148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842067861018694,0.0,0.1084836378950831,0.09827221062001223,0.07571603608342763,0.0,0.0933797723931504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907217708231332,0.0,0.0941297997361982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721556030394766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105816652227,0.0,0.3486689078044376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838817325762703,0.0,0.0587709241142862,0.0,0.29988036575461263,0.0850248878919583,0.0,0.0,0.16776620105075424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756869520804194,0.10759583570649732,0.0,0.13749256183113934,0.16452247735298234,0.04648875187757268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635501077105734,0.09131988616447168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925491378958482,0.0,0.08762808204626868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581802986543189,0.0,0.0,0.048901474794181714,0.14506232024695356,0.0,0.09421773107354547,0.09667780893521068,0.0,0.06284971160390862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963871072392669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102355906107449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588224237717334,0.0,0.09463200156366902,0.2505071244178332,0.0,0.17075879479340134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029563640424177,0.135347689191255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635744496553084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593626218809308,0.08514252867374918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598904579028913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472115365385116,0.0,0.08904497740499354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690242509309739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822966858080082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692123071012031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248313205897228,0.0,0.21412489085677566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802912566624365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955804287367131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730066414019413
suicidewatch,ScurvyCompanion,2019/02/24,Hey What do I do when im worried about someone?,-0.08727272727272606,1.2871239090909121,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,82.63636363636364,4.4,29.181818181818183,3.1291,0.6469272727272729,37,2,9,0,1,13,9,11,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6325537105401221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.496181075116936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.594710134416528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pixiechickie21,2019/02/24,"I've been very suicidal and there's no real support from my bf or family. I told them how I was feeling a month ago. I was in high distress, I almost slit my wrists until my bf had to send me to emergency. Eights hours of sitting in the emergency, we left with nothing.. we we're waiting for a doctor for what seemed like hours. 
Then we get home, bf hides the knives and I head to my family's house for a couple of days. I tell them I'm in high distress and I really wanna kill myself. 
They took it lightly. I think the only person who checked up on me, checked up on me once. 
I can't talk to anyone on how seriously it's affecting me. It's all I can think about. All I picture is how easily I can kill myself. Where I can kill myself. And I already prepared notes. I made a checklist. I made sure that whenever I did it, to atleast wait Valentine's day with my bf and to spend a weekend with my little sister. 
These thing have been checked out. Now it's time to look at the location. Which I am going to check out today. 
So I don't know.. I think I've gone too deep to ever come out of this. ",0.485282546494993,2.450266918454936,2.731013948497857,92.77417471387699,83.67811158798284,5.771745350500716,20.437947067238923,6.996647511020387,0.3728256080114449,844,25,191,11,24,287,132,233,0.163,0.78,0.058,-0.9799,0,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,3,0,3,0,10,9,3,2,9,0,14,3,2,6,4,37,33,12,4,1,1,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,12,15,0,2,6,1,5,5,3,6,0,1,11,3,39,3,34,22,2,37,0,0,1,0,17,18,0,3,14,128,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193478612518952,0.0,0.12644574016628796,0.0,0.13934712650697234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829411442093837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877435976632643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972040841613834,0.0,0.16287330067286215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924737171156803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422257668763705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23808085032426385,0.0,0.06384821602912055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597325032220168,0.0,0.07176474735497237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959413763547606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668320294397461,0.12666368814189513,0.0,0.2487100280651698,0.14570389825895805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191123031889471,0.0,0.06939720055762086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719768829848095,0.0,0.0,0.061691375861195774,0.12656029129372404,0.0,0.0,0.10603883459228773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389681000712995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079115595638127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116385425113226,0.0,0.0,0.13447829444228904,0.0,0.09603749959841296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025808269664483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372810413015197,0.08089472211397535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495562474598292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381238828970298,0.1432948840679064,0.11901228654221853,0.0,0.0,0.10149471507475824,0.11036953876563056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389121245213536,0.2427349345169074,0.0,0.0,0.07363171644540496,0.0,0.11969352617009342,0.12066076171039118,0.1402956919996219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418974366816053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GAMEMANIA_005,2019/02/24,"On my balcony please help Please I just need one reason to keep living. I feel numb and tired, life just seems fucking flavorless. I feel like a failure and at 17 my life already feels over man ",3.8672807017543844,5.537495026315792,3.6342105263157904,91.56780701754387,72.42105263157895,6.119298245614036,25.824561403508767,6.42735559955562,0.7910245614035087,153,5,31,1,3,46,30,38,0.188,0.591,0.22,0.1189,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,0,11,7,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,5,1,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588641058131356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558310479258116,0.1675835085532133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686479552229865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572335692297248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850487225357334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33138061315170225,0.11460360359774945,0.0,0.2071378316581697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393758873867246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895701389954453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149952871160238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411866035768155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355219697745456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696144130464844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thanos22666,2019/02/24,"Suicide seems like a friendly option. Life just... Doesn't get better. I've been told that it does for the past 4 years of my life and for what it's worth, It has somehow become WORSE. So it seems like I'll be taking the ""easy way"" out at some point. Even if that ""point"" isn't in my immediate future.",2.140000000000001,3.4104528412698443,3.1843174603174624,94.67457142857144,76.14285714285714,5.674920634920635,18.949206349206353,5.6839178017228535,-0.4405022222222219,231,4,54,1,5,74,49,63,0.15,0.669,0.181,0.0672,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,10,3,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,6,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,6,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495703305626193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998554804096776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775121287810465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925357704008058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458681294338907,0.0,0.1180619943352197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31922398411089725,0.22079878835393246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571758086295234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272366025876048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114361578754775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717868227662426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990419001040594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159276691077557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936750026863738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028662827944735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551973137372062
suicidewatch,D-Va_lover100,2019/02/24,"Getting bullied every day by all my classmates... I don't know what to do really i've been depressed and doing self harm for over a year now I'm 15 and in a class of 21 kids and i get bullied by about 17/21 of them in a group chat. Here's an example: I say ""hi"" and someone would say something like heres this ugly faggot spewing shit and sucking cock or something and it would get like 16 likes and everyone would laugh and say yeah. Before you say just block them or ignore them or just exit the chat I can't it goes far beyond that I cannot escape it please help. It just...hurts......",1.2579234972677575,3.2661197377049227,2.5930327868852494,94.57976775956287,81.13114754098359,5.050273224043716,20.002732240437158,5.985473137389443,-0.10390382513661177,456,12,100,3,12,147,83,122,0.26,0.625,0.115,-0.9672,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,3,0,7,9,2,0,5,1,9,2,2,0,1,20,15,11,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,4,0,2,7,8,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,4,10,4,11,11,1,9,0,1,0,1,15,6,3,3,6,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059431617328273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141354665677556,0.0,0.15242995399369846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491106803479847,0.16910902250206447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773893944093359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862389283378515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894574433951708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726188186054124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25938593758593426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942675029512925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337594084732515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629565713839216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846255152531683,0.0,0.18166425576741588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995196225673546,0.2724909445734603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771579592699855,0.0,0.0,0.11396732817549315
suicidewatch,DeadGirlsDontSayN0,2019/02/24,"Is there really anything wrong with suicide in my situation It's my belief that life is usually full of more suffering than it is happiness. I'm an antinatalist and don't think having children is morally justifiable for this reason.

Pretty soon my parents are going to kick me out. I'm 18, I have no job, pretty much have failed out of high school at this point. Not due to any lack of ability or intelligence, I just have crippling insomnia and seem to have depression because I'm incredibly apathetic about all this. I'll have no money, no car, nothing. It seems to me that life is either going to start getting real hard, or I can just end it all.

I don't think death itself is really that bad. In the words of Epicurus:

>Why should I fear death?
If I am, then death is not.
If Death is, then I am not.
Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?

If I can predict, with pretty good confidence, that my future probably holds more suffering than happiness, and I instead have the option to just end it all right now, why don't I?",4.196231884057973,5.432568816425121,5.639342995169084,79.21060869565218,70.98067632850244,9.191497584541064,27.32657004830918,9.558583805096642,2.419509758454107,823,28,161,19,15,278,112,207,0.184,0.65,0.166,-0.4925,2,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,0,2,3,0,27,3,0,1,3,36,38,11,5,6,13,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,15,7,0,1,6,0,1,3,10,8,0,0,0,1,18,3,21,36,9,23,2,4,0,0,2,9,0,8,11,118,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871411236798882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545015271147036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699342562447027,0.07811432577385828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103687315165858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22699199641455245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288391312160624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694903636061357,0.0,0.14565238658436785,0.10747963900913804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728196142595549,0.11479028563165107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353893218379612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716140971438536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810213205338416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941992974402446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295594417789828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745795487103406,0.0,0.0,0.14228680318737638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113584478341236,0.0,0.0,0.3911002063943924,0.1381590179587191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585393356333395,0.1641824122880211,0.13175157429792153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943278070833047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968679743651346,0.0,0.2333117820749816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403725711491844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069974356881362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016682235876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421675833358948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113058375624005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34688534610838123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010343345549955,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nigerfaggot69420,2019/02/24,"I just started cutting The last fews months have been an hell for me, first of all i went from obese to underweight, then my health started to slowly burn, after that i stoped sleeping at night making me look like I'm 55 (while I'm only 14) then i started cutting. Now for the past fews days i started doing the five fingers filet and posting me doing it on insta (I'm good at it but still fail from time to time and there's alot of blood involved), i was already knowed for being deppresed before but then people at my school started to see me like a complete weirdo. Instead of getting asked if i was ok they blocked me and started avoiding me, i dont know what to do. Help me",4.462318840579711,5.022057695652175,4.926231884057972,87.05427536231886,69.8695652173913,7.0028985507246375,29.826086956521745,6.42735559955562,1.4062695652173922,534,20,109,3,9,170,88,138,0.124,0.7829999999999999,0.093,-0.5267,1,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,5,9,3,1,6,1,9,5,3,1,1,14,26,10,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,4,3,18,4,18,21,4,27,1,1,2,0,4,4,1,2,23,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250882576644666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614302767133416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302129321962874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163904074277629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081686846400452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321205542656765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329701971521075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167350293017632,0.0,0.0,0.13111822198999426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616645484613304,0.0,0.0,0.10478153513669083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182456330127138,0.12742596175681994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274526395345364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127385759363133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104348333453921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477734128811145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670067872224554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889241422168008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923016142414125,0.10837626094532868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497163990088733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820952184261114,0.12457100288960188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564381690039029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6638869959740089,0.0,0.1248415647609004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230904736351644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449150940057761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,serpentqveen,2019/02/24,"Need something. Hi.
I'm not doing good at all. I've dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 13, now 17 almost 18 and I know I'm young. I know I have everything ahead of me but I just don't know what to do anymore.
My family deals with a lot, illness and just financial issues I probably worry too much about.
I used to self harm, I haven't done it in almost a year now, but now all I can think about is how much it hurts on the inside.
I have nobody, and I mean that. I have no friends, they always end the same way. I'm too nice and they end up using me. Every time. I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I'm not a very desirable girl I would say, but that's besides the point.
I have gotten a lot worse in the past year.
I've become a perfectionist to the point where the smallest things make me wish I was dead. I didn't get a 95% on a test? I got a 90%? I feel like there's no point in living. I have high hopes for my career, but it's so hard to imagine myself achieving anything when I just want to die most days. I can't get a job, I'm constantly irritable even when I try not to be and it's ruining me. I feel so selfish, but therapy isn't working. I don't want to take medication. I really don't. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so alone and I feel like there's no point in living if I'll just be going through the same motions every day.

I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm asking here. I'm just so lost and it hurts a lot. I just want a reason to stick around and hope. Please. ",-0.5035362608117104,1.3431655359281471,2.1247405189620783,96.35398369926813,86.7544910179641,5.387757817697938,17.66101131071191,6.691623216298621,-0.22543220226214225,1155,28,286,14,36,399,158,334,0.227,0.6679999999999999,0.104,-0.9926,1,1,1,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,2,4,27,15,0,0,19,0,26,2,0,5,3,65,63,23,2,10,18,0,4,2,2,1,2,1,0,2,11,12,0,0,11,0,0,2,16,7,0,0,7,5,38,8,26,53,10,34,0,5,0,0,10,15,0,10,18,177,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891275119932005,0.09780695003544466,0.0,0.0,0.07857810376164999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224308536902407,0.0,0.18730976401211785,0.0,0.0,0.07771257053276509,0.08406783334084345,0.08828467237403692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429685936233718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205148991484897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180648429068858,0.09735910498799906,0.0813373675812754,0.0,0.09800939237165407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664055308868244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728407762486114,0.0,0.0,0.062373918000518225,0.0,0.15913237391988555,0.0,0.08487275709228118,0.0,0.08902561449645915,0.0,0.14324864831640358,0.1349298281884237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296082124436087,0.0,0.09867755667477388,0.0,0.053670009358232185,0.07920822125490602,0.07552889102316195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845958771917036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977654799139347,0.0,0.18759200306260027,0.0,0.0,0.2021908333722746,0.0,0.0,0.09856638113788453,0.09371290384485233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759765988945905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227306837479414,0.0,0.1667769834767764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308776968775682,0.24085767645378114,0.0,0.0,0.06303659215596756,0.0,0.0,0.10286820956305014,0.0,0.09513407652896293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388422749181214,0.07002290728555033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014960288960244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366208794695962,0.3570892081127554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181770392720003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060497955513081465,0.0970956726676826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509909368082845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851707624113124,0.0,0.0,0.07811822297474635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270124913327973,0.0,0.10571308338763677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900457073821097,0.0,0.07100392651097165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799550295880997,0.0,0.06273891183799434,0.060510611348185174,0.0,0.0,0.05506624152302228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411567097674138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631243234028723,0.0,0.0779193785779355,0.16710194495619415,0.07495869764454308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085964445894612,0.0,0.0,0.06875034606224299,0.09590408164192618,0.0962380905957168,0.06708444275682347,0.0,0.0,0.1216270453568352
suicidewatch,TopVice,2019/02/24,"I feel so much remorse. I fucked up beyond repair. I finally found the woman of my dreams and my depression drew her away after nearly a year, I pushed her away from me and couldn’t feel a thing. I’m finally with someone new, but it hurts to say I still love her. I miss her so so much. I just want to end it and not have to deal with this. I’m so broken and conflicted ",1.0636607142857135,2.5572781875000032,3.02714285714286,93.71500000000002,79.625,6.571428571428572,18.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.1966071428571428,285,6,68,4,7,96,52,80,0.212,0.679,0.109,-0.8365,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,15,11,9,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,14,1,13,9,2,13,0,3,0,2,8,5,1,0,7,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398391401603378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857884587233087,0.18260878563335395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778295375952106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144029859054988,0.0,0.0,0.4645056058000228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324642385627993,0.0,0.19600507025230327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22696715941423345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135241953853965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117118241137559,0.0,0.0,0.20476605493869732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686033702224044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964018891046174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931598768527606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140853790125999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505233511903835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365311400728041
suicidewatch,time4byebye,2019/02/24,"Nearing the end of the road... So...  


  
I've been battling with depression for quite some time...  


I feel like I am at loss for what i can do..  


  
Cant get a job which means i dont have any economy at all... which means im basically homeless...  


I dont live in US, and wont tell where im from... As im not looking for help... Im just saying that..  


im 20... been depressed since i was 9... 11 years with depresson... i feel like i should be allowed to let the rope go...  


Ill stay alive for another week... just walking, untill i hit the perfect spot to jump...  


  
Ive already tried to take my life 3 times...   


Profesional help gets me more depressed..  


Out of options redditors... so wish you all the best onwards!  


Could of written better.. but whats the reason? Just felt like writing this somewhere...  
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suicidewatch,caffeinecreature,2019/02/24,"It's a sad day, as I just re-subscribed to this subreddit Hey, I'm back, but now with a different account, again.

I figured out that I'm not doing well anymore, and I just relapsed today after feeling ok for at least the past year. But I'm grateful that I found my way back here to this sub, and try to either have or find a will to continue living.

It's been just really tough lately, I can't stand this so much anymore. I'm just so tired, and I just want someone in real life to notice this fact, for I have hard time talking about this, and even harder time to initiate this subject with anyone. I'm tired, but here I am.",5.3649291166848405,4.387110312977104,6.300937840785171,83.22015267175573,68.00763358778626,9.012431842966192,30.164667393675032,7.957251820313856,1.8567003271537628,485,15,105,5,7,162,82,131,0.141,0.7809999999999999,0.077,-0.8513,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,16,4,0,0,4,1,7,3,0,0,1,25,15,11,0,1,11,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,9,2,16,12,3,18,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,13,73,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359732837096346,0.1268153813113906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789186435680499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169661186690357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948895359662235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979058647305572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170414035960736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576531297020347,0.0,0.0,0.19885854734456335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624683852938752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045888399327667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810422715242806,0.0,0.0,0.16014957294108234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332493831441544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064864861266711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313444700345473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643430708792612,0.11618775609498593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367089248777915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577518646298482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115120415188594,0.41690726182178856,0.17191383889304532,0.0,0.0,0.12313566430689048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069744140327183,0.14395995377461573,0.0,0.0,0.16306988865876873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167938103083342
suicidewatch,8Petrich0r8,2019/02/24,"Is it so wrong to want the acknowledgment For years I've been compared to my brothers. I've been mocked for my skin tone, my physical features, and the way I ""act.""


Most of my family members have a fair skin tone, I'm literally the darkest in my entire family on my mother's side. I also look like my father; the man whom tried to kill my mother, so being compared to him is the same as calling me a killer is something of that nature. The way I act? I can remember getting beaten up so the man in me would remain. Ha, good fucking times.


Many years have passed and I still see this shit happening. Mother favors the others and leaves me yearning for her love. She would literally wake up one day and say ""I hate you gay"" out of fucking nowhere. And idk how many attempts I have to make to leave this because I grow weary of this jealousy, this anger, this insatiable need to feel pride for once.",3.025805243445692,4.828895438202245,4.020022471910114,87.37685018726593,74.95505617977528,6.769138576779027,24.78801498127341,7.554174236665415,1.1547246441947565,700,23,142,9,15,226,107,178,0.191,0.696,0.113,-0.9633,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,3,6,16,8,0,10,1,12,8,4,2,0,18,25,11,1,5,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,10,0,1,2,6,23,6,22,20,2,18,0,1,2,4,15,7,3,1,6,90,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648170518854487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964137906159011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161500588781377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200109181966988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29820119779124216,0.0,0.0799712134377291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924355412649507,0.08263286291806814,0.0,0.0,0.13265837358565016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986170403479564,0.0,0.0,0.15615175028317693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498228108892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349404121132191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772697264401674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281583732895874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274694095433274,0.0,0.10557403839282227,0.3207019004770978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727475818887333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843685002383002,0.10717433478684167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791661630295134,0.0,0.0,0.12577638365838215,0.0,0.0,0.12603424900414664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235052074618733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217604601500717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630798897145254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222525041194853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738128565916216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328775847458527,0.2510824951774228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470680260273215,0.17292478638109066,0.0,0.20370165830565845
suicidewatch,Sugarcatplays,2019/02/24,"Absolutely NEVER do this to someone If you watch streamers, it doesn’t matter if you don’t like their content. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t having fun. Don’t ever do this. There are lots of people who would follow through with “kys” threats. Don’t ever ever ever do this. Thankfully I have thick skin but a lot of kids don’t. https://i.imgur.com/dMlLtOA.jpg",2.9760294117647064,5.880643073529412,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,81.5,5.1647058823529415,20.264705882352946,6.6274283507984215,0.4251705882352943,291,8,52,3,8,90,42,68,0.03,0.841,0.129,0.4981,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,1,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,14,1,1,0,5,15,16,4,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,0,3,5,3,5,15,2,7,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,5,6,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8221757980594451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101385919696567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863682820465296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525498254428454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753374816969304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253255800071534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092042850651076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141877611056565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckthisshitlmao,2019/02/24,"I am nothing and I want to die Today I volunteered at a soup kitchen. One of the homeless men came up to me, a 19 year old girl, and screamed in my face about how I look like a “lost puppy” and how I wasn’t doing anything right. I just wanted to help. But apparently there is something so off and so rotten about my presence that even the needy think I’m a piece of shit. 

I apologized to him, knowing that my situation is nowhere near as bad as his, (even though I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong) and he told me “no you’re not, you’re just sorry for yourself”.  Maybe he’s right. I can’t even help others without fucking up and looking like a sad cloud of nothing. 

It’s time for me to do the world a favor and finally off myself. I need to stop pussying out. ",1.5509937888198768,3.1371482919254703,3.1869254658385096,92.69666149068323,78.50310559006209,5.8422360248447225,23.922360248447205,6.5431188927421005,0.5382968944099376,589,20,134,5,14,195,101,161,0.165,0.7040000000000001,0.131,-0.7712,1,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,13,12,2,0,9,0,10,4,2,2,1,23,22,15,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,9,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,6,4,20,4,24,16,1,18,0,2,2,1,10,11,2,0,8,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054816774109584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245875246701716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144323867918435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464449068948225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143429944722206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378364999144516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466612075288467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266766762916897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718503949911667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500812707127448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26643725994949125,0.0,0.17317557966479336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937638044955996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763041916338432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044409668940206,0.0,0.16646722406495354,0.0,0.10749936405095208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709573887744915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284288368355498,0.0,0.1783193245272592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212972498235675,0.0,0.177585804303038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326311235670355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951742749980515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165085759283353,0.1558641463697817,0.0,0.09250494335647123,0.0,0.15037328196349234,0.15158843859961332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714134740751326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292442902307482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344921805753338,0.0,0.1021597137389983
suicidewatch,AcrobaticSuccotash5,2019/02/24,"I feel like my emotional pain threshold is very low. Something inside me has been missing for a long time. Fucking depression, it makes me feel empty. But earlier today I was feeling like an excess of energy, which of course I just wasted. I sometimes feel so tired of living. Like I want to fast forward and get it over with. Or just stop existing. I get too easily overwhelmed by emotions.

I know probably I'll feel better tomorrow but right now... I've just been feeling vaguely panicked... like I want to cry, but I can't cough up the tears.

I fear that someday I may become too overwhelmed, and lose my grip on reality or hurt myself.

Just needed to vent.",2.7421062271062304,5.2725954206349215,4.016984126984127,83.52587912087914,78.92063492063492,6.734065934065933,26.35897435897436,7.882392219407189,1.8757919413919413,517,21,93,9,13,169,88,126,0.244,0.595,0.161,-0.9563,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,2,8,15,1,3,3,0,7,4,0,1,0,25,22,8,0,3,9,0,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,10,0,0,3,7,16,5,12,18,0,13,0,7,0,1,0,6,1,3,12,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946591960273924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135708009437345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855011089791072,0.0,0.0,0.13216037260853894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452058140073924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726662196280018,0.4655128460666761,0.2192396545360216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185573288745326,0.1603354404752159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164264081019155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432835023901028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998583175429284,0.0,0.135493125326403,0.13579237187121626,0.0,0.1716636516615384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242450370649857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377616209111152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327434541137978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654376836786443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103962395208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181280444681169,0.15175921306951776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828535612314235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947394308725808,0.17636034501412182,0.14544617816151026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660668045343065,0.1810095078128738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway7382737,2019/02/24,"I don't know how to go on (Sorry for poor formating but I want to post before I change my mind) 
My life fell apart when I was a kid, about 9 because I stared to get bad grades. I moved about allot and I changed school 12 times up to now. I have no reason to live. My future looks horrible because I have the worst grades possible. I try my best, I work my heart out but I just move to much so I never really learnt anything. My family doesn't let me do what I really want to do and I have no friends (again, because I move too much). I only have my best friend who listens to me very often but apart from them I really have no one. I've been depressed for the past 7 years and I can't remember what it's like to be normal, be happy. Life is just hell and I only live because my friend would be upset if I was gone. I just don't know how to keep fighting now. I am probably going to end it soon but every time I try, I pussy out the last minute. I lost all hope a long time ago. I just want the pain to end so soon I'm really going to end it.",-0.10882608695652253,1.6154299434782615,2.3160869565217403,96.26847826086956,84.34782608695653,5.7391304347826075,16.52173913043478,6.8959733430537185,-0.31665217391304346,797,15,197,10,23,273,121,230,0.195,0.648,0.158,-0.8922,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,1,4,18,16,2,1,6,0,21,4,1,3,2,33,37,14,0,7,9,0,0,1,3,1,3,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,1,8,8,8,0,1,5,3,38,8,22,27,7,34,1,2,2,0,8,6,1,4,20,130,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078049704711016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427490008644584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855082711836414,0.2497133225752422,0.0,0.08714356980222819,0.0,0.21494645347499292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667290571690506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820578806251728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721152221173376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628504256568774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654325825781676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736568788447596,0.0,0.05350512261098714,0.0,0.1746062951706108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090176028301083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213566253036099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171647396769214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910269251412714,0.0,0.0,0.11256397726534978,0.08347801261138943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472140702273887,0.14467075968346665,0.05003246942318633,0.0,0.18086023307256646,0.09062983810780467,0.08599880737537684,0.0,0.11179287251741778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340514666260492,0.0,0.0,0.32653762795445146,0.15056661703869642,0.0,0.07898508905857078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034028964269892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939582777383227,0.15577520180285798,0.10897171385904446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776216028204636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545215610240153,0.09808069935109302,0.0,0.11041555782636646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624264837128031,0.10529478122777072,0.0,0.0,0.1160108361504939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364462843783506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463987716848227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914870029420235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905965864974604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844991717483446,0.1812126354705586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455587307926295,0.0,0.0,0.07274929489435117,0.0,0.0,0.06594883572237044
suicidewatch,Smasianboy,2019/02/24,It feels like nobody cares about me anymore and im just a burden to anyone i know I seriously dont know whats holding me back i have nothing to lose nobody would notice just shows how pathetic i really am just needed to say this ,0.625,3.0402148333333368,3.2633333333333354,85.915,88.16666666666666,5.7,18.416666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.5705166666666663,184,5,36,3,6,64,37,48,0.166,0.679,0.155,-0.1386,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,9,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,2,4,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27069704929655763,0.19085580178613032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988479788807227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782948213908295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31990008613561144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380137571203962,0.19499841102962912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948371877044769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300016789137118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335154987959064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305365736653666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239195201952875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619067499828027,0.3107599682323925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748613387266463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170639973998456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389870895145786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ParFumat,2019/02/24,"Hey uhh Does putting a plastic bag over your head guarantees death and is it painfull?thanks


-asking for a friend-",5.942499999999999,9.169760250000003,3.0599999999999987,90.935,71.5,6.0,40.0,7.1686216300943375,3.0395,95,6,16,1,2,25,19,20,0.16899999999999998,0.693,0.139,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41202415907933415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856868257610003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34050781648237777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452317341755154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44305656679278826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057660565561309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatsinabox,2019/02/24,"I'm Irredeemable I can't handle being alive anymore. I've been a C student my whole life, and I can't take it anymore. I keep obsessing over my grades, my lacks of accomplishments, and furiously compare myself to other people. I'm aware it's an unhealthy habit, but hey, life is a contest between the fittest -- it's eat or be eaten. I feel like less of a human being than an Ivy League graduate (actually, most people for that matter), and that I don't deserve to be where I am academically. I somehow managed to BS my way into one of the best public schools in my state (after receiving my A.A at a community college). I was so poor of a student throughout high school that I attended summer school once for two classes I failed and dissuaded from taking the SAT and ACT by my school counselor (since I was only intended on applying to community colleges after graduation). 

Even if I've moved learned and moved on from my past, I still feel like I'll always be an underachieving C student all my life. There's just no way around it. What makes me more infuriated is that I had this same mindset nearly three years ago and was able to move on past it. Now, I'm back to square one; thinking I'm somehow the biggest and unintelligent underachiever in the world. Hell, I think I'm so stupid that I think I have an intellectual disability that my parents and everyone else in my life knows about except I. Especially when compared to my siblings who took classes such as Calculus and Physics, passing them without a hitch. It makes me wonder if my mom took drugs or had an illness when she was pregnant with me, To be honest, I'd be better off not existing at all; I'm just an unintelligent, pathetic waste of resources. 

I feel like even if I do get a four-year degree (I'm currently in my last semester of college), I don't deserve to work anything more than a minimum-wage job. After all, me taking up anything higher would be dishonest; I would be stealing a job from an individual who perhaps worked hard while they were a student. I don't know, college classes were never particularly hard for me, I just don't have the mental endurance to study for hours a day. And after spending the last 4-5 years mentally ill and stressed out of my wits, I'm just fucking done with school. I don't want to be here anymore. Especially since I don't belong. 

And quite honestly, I just want to be happy. And I know for a fact that education and income don't necessarily correlate with happiness, but for whatever reason my brain won't let this go. I keep going on, but I don't know if I can keep going. 

​

So yeah, that's the gist of it. I'm currently in therapy right now and taking antidepressants, so while I'm feeling better than I did a month ago, I still feel tortured and haunted by these thoughts. The fact that I live on campus doesn't help, since it only serves as a reminder that I don't belong at this school. 

​

I don't want to die. I couldn't do that to my family. (And my few friends.) That's another thing too, I'm almost 23 years old and have never had a SO or even shared a kiss for that matter. God, I'm so pathetic. The world would definitely be better off without me. 

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suicidewatch,mrmavsman,2019/02/24,"Feeling hopeless I had to put my therapy dog down yesterday.  She came into my life in 2007 after a bad car accident left me on disability for 18 months...she helped me through survivors guilt and depression(I was a passenger and no drugs or alcohol, just a freak accident)  she was my therapy dog given to me.  I also got her brother a non therapy dog but still an amazing dog.

She became incredibly sick in December and 5 days in hosp got her running, she became sick again mid January, 3 days in hosp got her running again this time better than ever.  5 days ago she crashed worst than ive ever seen, 5 days in hosp and 0 improvement, infact she was way worse looking, so I couldnt let her suffer any longer, for the first time ever if I even touched her, she would make a painful sound, I knew it was time.  I gave it my all and then some trying.   Her sickness was so sudden, super healthy and fun in November, really sick the day after xmas, it was pancreatis and kidney failure, they dont mix well, one causes severe pain, the other causes severe nausea, one requires antibiotics which are harsh on the kidneys so it sucks.  it was a lose lose situation and doctors knew it is incredibly tough. 

I have her brother a non service dog and he is a wreck, he just sits and looks at the door and refuses to do anything, it is making it so much harder for me.  

I am questioning what is the point of life.  I have found myself looking up stories of famous people who kill themselves.  I have money, I have nice things, I have an amazing job, I own a house with no mortgage, I should be happy and blessed but all that stuff is worthless. It is meaningless.  

I have signed up for therapy but I really don’t see a point.   Making more money will do zero, it already has done nothing.  My best friend killed himself in 2009, my other best friend became a heroine junky and got fired from his job and one day called me saying I got him fired and he hates me when we didn’t even work at the same company and I knew noone at his company nor have  social media to say anything.  This was in 2013, he has never called to apologize and for some reason told other friends I got him fired.  Thnakfully none of them believed him but it was still emotionally hard to lose another best friend);;I have zero idea why he pointed the finger at me, it made zero sense.  I was in a completely different industry and I didnt know a single person at his job.  So in the  last 10 years Ive lost my 2 childhood friends (im 36) and now my therapy dog. 

Is there even a point to life?   I still suffer pain and have to take multiple medications since the accident for the rest of my life.  I got by but never. thought about the day I would say goodbye to my last best friend.  It has been brutal and ive been trying to read and figure out what is the point?   Everything seems so pointless after tragedy.  I donated money to an animal shelter in her honor yesterday which made me feel a tad better, also asked them if I can volunteer to help and they said yes.  

sorry for typos, thank you to anyone who reads, anyone who is in a similar spot of despair, my heart goes out to you.  We all arr trying to navigate life and its incredibly tough. 

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suicidewatch,tellmeapart,2019/02/24,"I hate having something to live for I’m getting my first dog soon, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s what I’ve wanted ever since I knew what a dog was. But now... it’s a bit of a problem. I’m dead set on killing my self either this summer or December. But now I really wish I wasn’t going to. Because I want to spend endless years with this adorable puppy. I don’t know what to do now. I just wish I had nothing to live for so this wouldn’t be such a hard decision. I know the answer sounds simple: “Just uhh, don’t kill yourself then??”. Look, I would do that if it weren’t for the exact reason I want to leave this world. That reason is never going to change, and it’s out of my control. I’m stuck and I hate it. Just my luck, huh?",0.02556249999999949,1.7831974312500023,2.3225000000000016,96.2225,84.0625,5.0,18.125,5.985473137389443,-0.4040625000000002,559,13,134,4,16,190,88,160,0.177,0.706,0.116,-0.898,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,4,0,6,1,15,0,0,3,3,34,33,9,3,10,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,14,5,0,1,7,0,1,2,7,5,0,1,6,3,17,2,15,22,2,16,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,10,88,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094543394589221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932164034376432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640680746283692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739502473222611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029070742898456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192222374981538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102981238465548,0.0,0.17628611552730153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893307228818869,0.3062449147266508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431753640517808,0.0,0.17047036833084345,0.0,0.0,0.1642213387940053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739003302593263,0.0,0.1302392534934581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196174615678208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881613881114208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840327704554554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935669568789426,0.31892334608789685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617960653568636,0.0,0.0,0.1282947240440656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193983470185725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744340193492629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566991249986719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017378203698866,0.0,0.0,0.09987495635553972
suicidewatch,AllNamesAreTaken99,2019/02/24,"I need help My life is meaningless so far. I wanna die so badly. I have nothing to offer anyone. I believe I'm physically unattractive. I don't feel safe talking to friends or family or my therapist about it because they either make me feel even worse, It could get me committed, or don't believe in depresssion at ALL. I've never had a gf and I'm 19 years old. I'm so lonely. The worst part of it all is I have absolutely zero motivation to change anything. I can't find it in myself to go on. I feel so locked down and empty. Like I don't have the money to exist. I went to college for one semester and was put on academic probation. Withdrew. That is going to ruin my chances of even getting a decent living. My parents still think I go. I want to get physically fit, so that females will actually look at me as someone other than an unaccomplished loser who just wants pity. I don't want pity. How do I get through this other than dying? I'm not religioua at all, but what if I'm meant to suffer for all eternity because I hated being me so badly? Please, I'm so confused.",1.6392727272727257,3.7977145636363616,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,80.63636363636363,6.90909090909091,25.0,8.00094639256281,1.6972727272727268,844,33,165,16,22,297,129,220,0.204,0.718,0.078,-0.9844,1,2,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,2,13,14,1,1,5,0,17,1,0,3,6,34,43,17,2,7,8,1,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,7,0,1,5,7,11,0,2,4,4,25,3,27,36,7,20,0,6,1,0,8,10,0,5,6,116,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.13439963027012428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630044870764068,0.0,0.11333585349905012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299890687710204,0.16791163510795132,0.0,0.0,0.3103375875714569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569467702931274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996212172131394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587339369198633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193198820229448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983477361593074,0.0,0.2089135349432277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587805875058514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640591208130053,0.0,0.287822292590904,0.0,0.23481669475928565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597482034220754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231409386842253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727916620644404,0.06728542684625441,0.0,0.12161360534566328,0.0,0.11565422473109925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193243673050214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212126438858034,0.10622192934039863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321507510217939,0.0,0.14451910927187986,0.0,0.09332595306494257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292719703324376,0.14914263987564927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118057648098027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845155914544507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669385643007585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998727889397933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106980535141482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990921800843022,0.0,0.08824855150048604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437011338465077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127672357286509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035343396839225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869031676331376
suicidewatch,shyronnie227,2019/02/24,"19m, think about killing myself pretty much anytime i'm not occupied with something else i've been lurking on this page and similar ones for a while now, i'm just now making a post because i basically don't really have anyone to talk to about this and it's just kind of shitty and i'd like to be able to express myself.

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anyone else just have a lot of fun when you're with people you like, and then as soon as you're alone and the memory has faded you just keep thinking of ways to kill yourself? and thinking about the pointlessness of it all. i'm poised to do fine in life, but i just don't really want to do any of it. i've been thinking like this for a good two years now, last year it was getting worse and this year it's just unbearable sometimes. anyone have any good tips for giving life meaning? or anyone just relate? thought a lot about posting this, i don't know why it's so hard. haven't even opened up about all of it but i felt that it was necessary for me to post this. ",3.864869505494504,4.511602341346156,4.613901098901097,88.44538461538461,71.25961538461539,7.673626373626374,25.434065934065927,7.7094869923839395,1.1141623626373622,789,22,172,9,14,254,108,208,0.09,0.789,0.121,0.7496,0,1,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,2,0,0,19,10,2,0,7,0,15,2,0,1,2,36,31,16,2,1,11,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,6,2,9,8,30,24,6,20,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,15,110,24,0,0.11784944178061202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205648015267664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768982093231646,0.14319997102764806,0.16028332328074327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296122793160345,0.12075067990694395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183992587048932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968961729952481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783844483153779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315394536978066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061571469274036277,0.11305192311345375,0.0,0.1976930408733669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556995184601453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474999870937383,0.2607658929656088,0.12272205845380432,0.06476697117346288,0.09606302420666388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664810919033928,0.1727258533463087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200382762131914,0.0,0.0,0.0786654175044714,0.0,0.0,0.1283725908468027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663289963931405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798578317180684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170196430211857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386015658937146,0.1198952499299816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509947402241653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072625788551014,0.11655611132344885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947229172457422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30205265496448075,0.0,0.09355929286341744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512178042601877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951065413595535,0.09354340144546017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634079089892512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009864933392513,0.0,0.0,0.14319997102764806,0.22767352998297236
suicidewatch,crazycatguy23,2019/02/24,"I can’t do this anymore. I just don’t know what to do anymore. In a matter of months I’ve lost everything. Everything. This is going to be long winded.

It actually started in 2017. In order, my girlfriend of three years leaves me — just out of the blue. Says she doesn’t love me anymore. Leaves. A few weeks after that, my grandfather/father figure dies. Shortly after that, I lose my apartment because my roommate screws me over and moves out of state with little to no warning. I have no choice but to move in with my father, who I do not have the best relationship with and our personalities just fucking clash. He’s an obnoxious, retired, over-the-hill frat boy and I’m a sensitive, anxious, depressive INFJ. It’s a cramped, small apartment where I have to sleep on two sectional couches pushed together in a back room and I also have two cats. Just when I think things can’t get any worse, my favorite client (I work in the group home field) dies in my arms; she was only 34. That was 2017.

2018 rolls around and I just hate life and everything else. I hate my situation. I hate everything. Summer comes and I meet this girl and a spark lights up inside me — something I haven’t felt in a very long time, maybe ever. I fall for her very hard and very fast. We end up moving in together and everything is just great. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a relationship, and in life. Things finally feel good. I planned on going back to school in a few months and I saw a real future in us. I was walking on clouds. The darkness seemed behind me.

Then, late November (week after Thanksgiving, I believe), she begins acting very weird and very distant. Pushes me away, says she’s depressed about stuff, needs her space until it passes. I oblige at first but, from my experience, this is how girls act when they’re about to leave me. So I keep prying and kind of won’t leave her alone...until one night I kind of just emotionally explode. Long story short, she leaves me on a Sunday night, and is back with her ex mere days later. Did I fuck something up or was that just going to happen anyway? I have no clue...but I beat myself over it constantly.

In any case, this absolutely destroys me. I talk to my therapist and what I’m saying to her convinced her that I need to be admitted to the psych ward of a local hospital (not my first stint; spent two weeks there after a suicide attempt as a teen). I spend a week there but feel worse after getting out. End up having to move back in with my father because I have nowhere else to go. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat; I end up dropping 20 pounds. I start drinking very heavily. I start getting fall down drunk at bars, literally sobbing on the floor like a child — not a 30-year-old man.

I ended up falling asleep at work in January since I hardly sleep at night anymore and it cost me my job. So I became a miserable lonely heartbroken suicidal drunk with no money, no job, no real home, hanging on by a thread. All I can think about, still...is her. And how she’s with him and how he has money and his own place and how she has a good job and I’m this fucking nothing. I feel like I’m going absolutely insane.

I found a new job but it’s shit and it pays even less than what I was making at my previous job. I feel like an incompetent child. All I think about is dying, ending it, being dead. I want to die. I’ve struggled with depression and mental illness my entire life and this is the lowest, darkest place I have ever been. I don’t know why I’m posting here, to be honest...I just think my friends are sick of me and I feel like a burden to everybody around me. I feel like I can barely function. I’m so tired. I’m so fucking tired...I don’t want to do this anymore...",1.7360003532320754,3.982090307382549,3.2008115506888046,89.57391955139528,80.8255033557047,6.015012363122572,21.883168491699045,7.2214280756737175,0.7277986577181212,2889,90,596,39,76,945,325,745,0.22,0.715,0.065,-0.9991,6,3,3,0,0,2,118.0,3,0,0,10,41,35,10,2,31,0,44,24,6,5,5,94,99,45,7,5,17,3,9,5,2,1,7,3,4,7,29,41,5,1,17,4,6,20,19,21,0,7,12,15,97,14,92,82,8,131,0,8,2,6,44,56,7,2,56,382,126,11,0.0,0.0,0.04632885275190112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03796582320018399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456939688337388,0.0,0.0,0.05363335382202688,0.2354127291735597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452581502882292,0.0,0.0,0.0446044226212117,0.14602169683421193,0.0,0.0578807650185661,0.0,0.0,0.0534881843390541,0.04982219225172292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089559802226129,0.0,0.05130372115684985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030617514307532026,0.0,0.12267071150564672,0.0,0.19708664875674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650752757163814,0.0,0.04857888315994481,0.07931871437853467,0.053403101580739035,0.21024425218112214,0.0,0.0,0.031356858182363355,0.1288318476335614,0.0,0.0,0.2560053714438837,0.046439761083287484,0.0,0.0,0.1440290330979494,0.13566489400392978,0.045583544550693515,0.05200665543392717,0.0,0.08076459774652861,0.0,0.05205400066086847,0.03667914727769995,0.17555987311468915,0.07441134651203006,0.0,0.1349059772129609,0.07963972892473138,0.0,0.052341469325728265,0.0,0.0,0.04198207732846427,0.0,0.08505673553778803,0.1406155080249653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952427995971821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23555857399370625,0.04219805343286799,0.0,0.09887602947649032,0.05218215071955384,0.0,0.053553984735761985,0.25134639926642377,0.0,0.0,0.10059920904428007,0.11596968780508135,0.04758252596886998,0.0,0.12604191820661675,0.0,0.05311249727216602,0.05182468374695125,0.0,0.04284813455479988,0.0,0.031690000306181354,0.0,0.04769512265828677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784373816973341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578834951630298,0.2018340873813453,0.0,0.0704043755356698,0.0,0.04585175089725865,0.0,0.13365650604313373,0.0,0.04555364231907998,0.0,0.04981713506083321,0.0,0.03217035886770347,0.03610695560127422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145342926728138,0.09920275741183038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045468025922298864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807412304950252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194098841924508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326232369213332,0.0,0.04804733942250383,0.0,0.04321955128128446,0.0,0.0,0.048732511614381586,0.039271896295772366,0.05336400558025066,0.1425281686694494,0.0,0.0,0.07309730835680321,0.0,0.0,0.10080936805270854,0.0,0.037913679064593,0.0,0.0,0.04963128623746741,0.0543476353080552,0.10386011564426588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038158689952282256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512225442803942,0.06308069860236906,0.12168051771622775,0.0,0.0,0.027683114696415767,0.054565647723428236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912883345752194,0.0,0.057106704180805365,0.0,0.0,0.23503159481236105,0.08400613843024796,0.0,0.15232665782949226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283889672300989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069124881699567,0.0,0.09676237296897901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061144820377685274
suicidewatch,LightningSpearwoman,2019/02/24,"im a piece of shit im a fucking piece of shit, i only do stuff that keeps me apart from the only person i love, i cant be entertaining i cant be a good person i cant fucking do anything right

my family hates me they treat me like shit 27 years of emotional abuse and i cant get the fuck out og this house because they are  right im nothing but a useless piece of shit

i hate myself so much

​

i should fucking give up on being alive

​

i just hate mysefl so fucking much im useless i dont mean shit i cant do anything right i hate myself so fucking much",-0.3711904761904776,1.7230341031746017,2.201873015873016,94.23757142857143,88.92063492063492,4.629841269841268,20.304761904761907,6.079149491110277,0.04067047619047637,451,15,102,4,15,155,61,126,0.29,0.584,0.126,-0.979,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,4,22,15,0,6,0,14,12,5,0,0,7,29,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,17,0,0,0,0,20,5,8,25,6,8,0,2,0,7,6,7,11,0,2,63,23,0,0.0,0.09957370201133617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211469086100066,0.204235688205936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831558023898566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051230026778392265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849429795598284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945337306150982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792254679055967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661619623371462,0.04390745092610923,0.08061886170222367,0.0,0.07048879613338192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318885523490922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697091974859236,0.0,0.0,0.3631106470156848,0.0,0.0,0.07469864666330599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041057717256020414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584941491158381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915442379290487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853372918179042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063868247460786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783247089053928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676103819552627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530919830320872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43132945360730296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620573644045244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204235688205936,0.054119028736127145
suicidewatch,gentlemarshmallow,2019/02/24,"If anyone can promise me that things will get better, I'll stay. Please I just want it to stop... I have always tried to make things better, but they never do. They never do.",0.843,3.161226371428576,1.9825000000000017,96.43375000000002,85.28571428571428,3.5,11.607142857142858,3.1291,-1.6574285714285717,133,1,28,0,4,42,27,35,0.0,0.764,0.236,0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,8,8,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305800665398572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376372799234928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901675425783135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478001182795475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497496017284434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274529828208896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041866625971704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953653966932862,0.0,0.2316787270713604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682028904673889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814141564052145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344832187099062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unicorn-red,2019/02/24,"Had a knife resting on my neck then lost it. On a few occasions I placed a knife resting on my throat  for as long as an hour. Once I pressed the sharp side  against my throat but not enough to scar. I had practiced the slashing moment in the air but couldn't bring my self to do it on my neck. I usually keep the knife in one place however when I tried to find it again it wasn't there, tried to search the general area just in case it fell  but cant find it anywhere. Now I'm paranoid someone has found it, its been a few weeks and its still missing. ",3.1525,3.7355877863247855,3.628279914529916,95.09831730769231,72.84615384615384,7.217521367521367,26.59081196581197,7.1686216300943375,0.8771376068376067,429,14,104,4,8,134,73,117,0.08800000000000001,0.912,0.0,-0.8225,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,10,0,8,4,4,0,0,12,14,8,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,6,2,10,0,15,7,5,24,0,2,0,0,1,12,0,0,10,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310063344076533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946896099990353,0.0,0.0,0.23674254007081874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263537533412152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919175131384537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108031078492824,0.0,0.0,0.23569960258296535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22994523249006996,0.14631137619851176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511759417823416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252491812365604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294630986854155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243210072668058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931877993738938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780276827495975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319610134289914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GodOfReality9999,2019/02/24,"I feel nothing. This is my first post **ever** on Reddit, and I feel the need to say this.

​

For the past few months, I've felt...nothing. No happiness, no love, no...anything. I lost my will to live a while ago, and I'm scared to tell my parents that I'm suicidal. No, I have not cut myself. Yes, I'm scared of death (just a little bit).

​

I really, truly hate myself. All I ever do is hurt other people, even though people say I don't. And do I believe them? Of course not. I don't even know HOW people even LIKE being around me. I don't know why I desire to suffer in this world.

​

School is a burden on me. I can NOT take it anymore, and even I don't know what to do.

​

Thanks for your time. Any comments are appreciated.",-0.7590384615384593,1.3952171987179511,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,98.16666666666666,3.6256410256410256,15.474358974358973,5.46131890053228,-0.7692256410256411,577,14,126,4,24,192,88,156,0.24,0.631,0.129,-0.9528,1,0,0,0,0,2,55.0,0,1,1,2,10,12,2,2,5,1,15,1,0,1,3,20,29,7,2,2,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,1,4,22,4,13,26,3,15,0,3,0,1,8,6,0,0,9,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063887584070714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39426118611404,0.4421510658925824,0.061862304968363986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021719110602093,0.0,0.0,0.07486005723269212,0.08098204411692415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249135136768336,0.0,0.0,0.09931501348825177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403376977153197,0.16457404348668772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199371425545183,0.0,0.08734488072197286,0.0,0.0,0.07737851703133225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683860768581762,0.0,0.08981343960239377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738461393316387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998319378213307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444304912459974,0.09117522773111976,0.08032763838961769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930383573610346,0.0,0.08210342654871712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261089954572171,0.0,0.0,0.0674526503377687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457516715869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101074257529424,0.0,0.08684057657023153,0.18920016363720893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712352977356043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827732091632045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446850210340119,0.18215245912559155,0.09206587974306384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995057482051458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839766032595906,0.0,0.07951125687740912,0.08375239258846949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937696422447403,0.0,0.053044983118460495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208572548304137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421510658925824,0.0
suicidewatch,_immersion,2019/02/24,"I want to end it all I don't know if I should carry on. I feel like I'm not able to get my shit together. Over the past year a lot of bad things happened to me: my best friend commited suicide, my parents divorced and lots of rejection and missed chances with girls. Somehow life always has something bad for me.

I want to get out of my current situation, but I don't have the will or the discipline to do it. I want to fix myself, but I'm not able to do it. Sometimes I just want to end it all, like my friend did, but I don't want to leave everybody behind. I feel unmotivated to study and it makes me even more depressed. I want to do great at school and I can't because I always make it worse for myself. Not just in school, but in every possible area if my life.

I feel like a miserable piece of shit. I want end all of this one way or the other. ",2.5725824175824172,3.3114348296703326,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,74.32967032967032,7.578021978021977,24.98901098901099,7.882392219407189,1.0630527472527471,657,20,155,9,13,221,91,182,0.172,0.654,0.174,-0.7696,2,0,1,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,15,2,1,6,0,12,4,2,2,4,41,31,12,1,10,13,1,3,3,2,2,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,3,26,7,26,28,8,14,0,4,0,0,5,7,2,7,9,107,35,2,0.2296770165350489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110967679934135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917707151913761,0.07000448874738564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051592945383725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891023889630424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051384973497468,0.0,0.0,0.07584975164293374,0.0,0.09675639615963763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741974008734692,0.1640813065042768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774478932365056,0.0,0.1199967615702918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660986078049413,0.0,0.0,0.10155131360097416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311224085738397,0.0,0.0,0.12159739888371054,0.0,0.0,0.16222766913503991,0.16831288326720384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952631861302626,0.0,0.0,0.1533111920084071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781754524602848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751457320989407,0.0,0.10962635038941494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294631632686991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324454026041699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576015692581326,0.0,0.12908329483757844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840829416623314,0.1135782210896347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256146890005515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629360209856065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4741430927753726,0.09115346257019027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703025085284252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739522341958953
suicidewatch,Ecwchris1,2019/02/24,24 years old with 11 years of loneliness and depression under my belt. I’m losing it I’m slowly but surely ruining relationships too the point where I have nothing but my sad self. I’ve relapsed with my mental health and the booze and pills. I am my own worst enemy and I don’t want pills or docs. Left my job that pays me well and I like doing it been there for a while. I haven’t attempted to commit it yet cause I know I’m gonna succeed I don’t want to die and I’m scared but I want to be dead. I purposely ruin everything I ever get going for me. Been sober for 3 months that’s down the fucking drain and my depression got very active during my sobriety now I’m drinking and it’s still there ! Im a few Xanax bars away along with booze before I might do something! I was on that shit this summer when it was 5:30 am by my self I climbed the trestle bridge and fell and broke my jaw and arm I was running on top before I climbed down half way and fell 25 feet . I didn’t want to jump but I was interested in being up there at that odd time by self I even ran across the top I tried getting some Xanax last night which didn’t happen and I’m afraid if I get it I will hurt the people I love so much I feel like a bad kid ! I cut my self last night the deepest I have ever I got worried it’s gaping I don’t want to die but I’m gonna make a mistake and it will happen soon I think I feel like I’m playing with fire and it’s so hard to help my self and people can’t do it for me ! And these thoughts never go away it’s been 11 years and my actions are starting to get really dangerous I’m just lonely and sad and I feel like I’m gonna explode when i get bad enough crying isn’t enough for me I literally want to inflict pain on my self I really hate my self and have for a long time and it just stems from my social anxiety I have I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere in life! I’m already drinking at 3:40 on a Sunday my actions have been escalating I feel like a dead man walking ,-0.29616438356164565,1.7367390547945227,1.997176255707764,96.34633972602741,87.67579908675799,5.056511415525113,17.664109589041093,6.4601748715692375,-0.27423210958904143,1558,39,371,17,50,526,197,438,0.24,0.615,0.14400000000000002,-0.996,1,2,3,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,7,20,34,5,2,14,0,33,18,4,2,5,61,78,34,4,8,10,0,7,6,0,6,7,0,0,9,19,27,5,0,8,4,1,12,10,22,1,1,14,7,57,12,38,56,7,58,0,10,0,2,13,20,2,4,31,220,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055095292408343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055840389623941285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716097233453636,0.0,0.12189427372812454,0.0,0.0,0.1242254346167963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498518605295973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018073908959432,0.0,0.0,0.12573965448800173,0.0,0.15151298228426802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301312129455954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084511372338213,0.0,0.04821200348419938,0.13205492826826246,0.0,0.0,0.0656025113030846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845403910568282,0.26073547867750835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674819936125777,0.19068237408851546,0.0,0.08296861127609799,0.0,0.11676031501295607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909712106120808,0.0,0.06538849661298224,0.07206669455854624,0.0,0.07758945794456902,0.0,0.0,0.048926496755219484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814183777052686,0.0,0.07884629916945983,0.0,0.0724355145791054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011572233533206,0.1190000871106281,0.0,0.0,0.07930844939863935,0.0,0.05155798654682038,0.21396777547049628,0.0,0.0,0.06459760056733442,0.0,0.0816618772406363,0.0,0.0,0.06588014655146034,0.0,0.048724218360474233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356101998234249,0.07743534765656065,0.0,0.0,0.05826330159883266,0.0,0.053659161206219434,0.0,0.05629765362387321,0.0,0.0,0.13700028868882486,0.0,0.07003993670005901,0.0,0.07659517019076241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767101201958583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121002278821747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900314545560185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352395153241423,0.0,0.0,0.0783684905590396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307996271496882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330423424845246,0.0,0.07492753279305969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440842972595181,0.0,0.05619452791934938,0.0,0.0,0.051665694901907734,0.0,0.058293289988761474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879620219631942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677175811090623,0.0,0.057949268684293134,0.08512705032086193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955829378069138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022788806460524,0.2583233444587397,0.0579394257705558,0.0,0.0,0.06563058310055886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412918839299261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101768148830804
suicidewatch,ChesterfishMetalchin,2019/02/24,"I'm so tired of having hope that things will get better. I really don't know what else to say. I'm tired of flirting with the idea that life gets better. I've ruined my career, I attract mentally abusive women, I'm an only child to a single parent that I've never felt close to, I'm afraid what'll happen if I come out as bisexual because of where I live, 2 out of the 3 people I've truly felt close to committed suicide. The 3rd is rich now and just contacts me for cheap labor. I've successfully isolated myself for a week now, and in feeling nothing, I almost feel complete. I just wish my boss would stop fucking calling.",4.784453124999999,5.0884772890624985,6.2296875000000025,78.8965625,69.078125,8.275,28.5,8.07648339933343,1.9015281250000005,495,16,95,6,8,169,87,128,0.16,0.635,0.205,0.5129,1,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,6,10,1,1,6,0,5,4,0,1,2,25,21,5,1,4,3,1,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,5,8,0,1,6,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,2,5,10,7,15,17,1,12,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,3,5,52,15,4,0.0,0.1955103382253842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523407729885875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058880668711774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29187657415450396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849406501922545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214184634552793,0.1730102622252395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784501336037774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686842987159287,0.0,0.3168717171898167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254945345905405,0.17242224418252058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591814947027584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389255697398394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862766535359485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068539901923496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165517236245486,0.0,0.0,0.1457072040394784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629166972484544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726619104727036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833192666538665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549784287999347,0.0,0.0,0.18322451865458944,0.0,0.0,0.11439743281416087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057098859105259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122289104906504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379560809072975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049459249012467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962557587769824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793103556145957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236138752477314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975381350463044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721865193711585,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bright_Cactus_Mug,2019/02/24,"Don't know what to do. I'm using this account just temporarily, although it's such a much better user name than the other one I have. 

I haven't ever really thought about ending my life in terms of practical ways of doing it. But a couple of years ago I went to my doctor and told him the idea had crossed my mind. It really does seem there is no way out for me and it's all I want, to get out of this fucking town. 

What I want is to stop paying for other people's mistakes, suffering consequences that I didn't ask for, living a life I didn't ask to be born into. Because it really hurts to think about the lies. Telling me ""You can do anything you want in this life"" and then at the same time being so negative and such a bad actor that she couldn't hide the truth. 

This person - my mother - weaved such a perfect little facade.

And it's taken me seven long years to realise that my mental health is so poor that getting out of here is the only thing I can do to recover my sanity. 

But financially, physically - I can't. I have a legal responsibility to this house I'm living in, and I don't want it. I want to go and walk on a fucking sandy beach thousands of miles from here, because I haven't had a vacation in over a decade and I really fucking think I deserve it. I can't bring myself to go and see an estate agent, because my depression and anxiety is so bad that I think, I can't sell it the way it is. I don't know where to start, and I don't have the money or the knowledge to fix anything. I feel so useless, so trapped. So utterly trapped. 

I read somewhere that those who commit suicide don't really want to die; they just don't want the life they have.

And what other way out is there for them?",3.2834453781512636,4.065525221288517,4.9192560224089625,85.2281949579832,72.69747899159664,7.840851540616248,24.92425770308123,8.109356740369918,1.2941846274509796,1332,38,287,19,25,452,165,357,0.174,0.7709999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9939,0,2,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,2,3,2,19,13,3,0,20,0,35,9,0,1,5,51,68,23,2,9,5,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,30,17,0,1,10,3,5,6,16,10,0,3,8,2,40,3,40,57,4,38,0,4,1,3,15,16,3,2,12,207,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855304825214702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381279033346948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880223403275273,0.0,0.18040586108183995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112631967895552,0.17645393283771324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533548796166496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676175265626313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310467401669505,0.0,0.10013895022459188,0.0,0.0,0.09875920122595856,0.0844369952296139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545942137422938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727860602702063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048787056411562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26760384084108163,0.10082163246833277,0.0,0.10967231334926172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256186301562904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133379671097113,0.1032920279831812,0.10892281555245102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605418127469536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726083307530965,0.0,0.0967059763736312,0.17040073040814668,0.0853885364846658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723685993667974,0.0,0.09742502384258024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092952685785647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653825306926061,0.07338320789411214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668923895590924,0.08424929676811165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965137637811838,0.0,0.3090623056227706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688816702452626,0.08783873533366554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829445730787774,0.0,0.0,0.08066799821537853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554183164033808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433446145810919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410210917200837,0.1854761758407157,0.0,0.07660041858908707,0.05626272631115813,0.0,0.0,0.09219808718762064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833343524859197,0.0,0.0,0.3983764229270024,0.3063496308134678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944502086224351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426976992946688
suicidewatch,tiedyem,2019/02/24,I don't know what to do My family has seen the cuts. My old school counselor told them I wanted to kill myself. They know I'm depressed. I'm too scared to kill myself because I don't want to be punished but this life is punishment enough. I can't take it anymore and I have no reason left to live. I don't care about leaving loved ones behind anymore. I truly feel like a lost cause. I can't do it anymore,0.18999999999999773,2.35781288505747,2.0443793103448265,95.90105172413791,86.816091954023,4.3995402298850586,19.044827586206893,5.6839178017228535,-0.30242896551724163,319,9,71,2,10,105,57,87,0.287,0.585,0.128,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,2,1,2,11,5,1,2,0,11,2,0,2,0,9,24,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,3,2,14,3,7,20,1,2,0,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,44,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085562406110455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419864282923454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427670344126206,0.17559438784607687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722359721961634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661858827103388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113960410335207,0.0,0.08642842328246879,0.12211395124310365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782221628701801,0.0,0.18787966203086565,0.0,0.0,0.1809924500837227,0.18571826458282106,0.0,0.12073442186128774,0.08350880693953114,0.0,0.15093620663560778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865926170725097,0.0,0.15427292527811104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793645215751536,0.0,0.1158280382876382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757467032641637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113288627017506,0.17299244603192715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851969259045715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633329799212314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164040358828209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fserggggggggggggggw,2019/02/24,"Should I kill myself? Why not? So I have nothing, you know what this means. I don't work I just have problems all day. I see all the girls I will never have. What's the point. Please tell me why I should live and i'm looking for real answer not some cheesy thing.",-1.2451388888888886,0.7585573035714326,0.11166666666666814,105.34444444444445,100.96428571428572,2.4888888888888894,11.579365079365079,3.1291,-2.001073015873016,203,3,49,0,9,63,41,56,0.146,0.81,0.043,-0.755,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,15,12,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,9,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,33,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089831122769765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760201191939466,0.0,0.13711139060266475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030136695369892,0.0,0.20950603125211947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717642052324946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241955838441485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23938926085869294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738615269315,0.23584561559901426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387251213796517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28397053580867604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880863488666875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806241200991064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574790778635698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450245964996212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816293219880792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notrollinonshabbos,2019/02/24,"I don't deserve this life To put it as frankly as I can I don't deserve this life. I've made choices in the past which could literally rear up and swallow me into a very public downfall at any time. And my family deserves better. I'm not the same person I was when I did those things... But I still did them. I'm a monster who should have been locked away. Deranged and sick. Dead, the problems go away, the fear and guilt goes away, my family deals with the public backlash of a suicide but not the shame and embarrassment of my inevitable fall.",3.814,4.978812718181821,4.468863636363637,87.51329545454546,71.81818181818181,6.954545454545455,27.38636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.2505454545454544,429,15,89,4,8,137,74,110,0.155,0.797,0.048,-0.8631,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,4,9,0,10,4,0,1,0,16,14,10,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,5,0,11,1,13,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382773005090626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5546877236976429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740496814955982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712524225000374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288758237489216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371042681562288,0.22144971881838446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118434526084827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780050496807249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862127183633964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786363108599416,0.0,0.171834293316577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883067742861062,0.0,0.19783389434547588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716118941787846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526240278505213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074222637123875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147530743473354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237694812190365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,megnd013,2019/02/24,"Medical advice ASAP please Hi all. So i fucked up yesterday, i let my emotions get the best of me and attempted suicide via overdose. I  regretted my decision in about 15 mins and make myself throw up and had someone drive me to the emergency room. They gave me activated charcoal to prevent it from spreading and kept me over night for observation. I want to get help, i want to see a therapist and psychiatrist. But they’re trying to force me to go to the psych ward, they said if i don’t sign this voluntary for they will commit me involuntary. What are my rights here? I haven’t signed anything, haven’t had any issues since I’ve been here, and I’ve been medically cleared by a doctor. Sorry for any mistakes this is time sensitive. Thanks  ",4.568741258741259,6.265012167832168,5.405874125874123,79.45958041958045,70.67832167832168,9.116083916083916,29.78321678321679,9.573946990214177,2.808669930069931,592,24,112,14,11,193,97,143,0.121,0.75,0.129,-0.4201,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,2,4,5,1,0,5,0,11,4,0,1,3,21,23,9,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,2,20,2,18,14,2,13,0,1,1,1,7,6,1,1,4,71,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819313785952148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532153938599423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320896049902924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538274543236814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905614823582754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942564206591316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211893157772468,0.1945410604626956,0.0,0.10580947570484836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247914576397429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432187985493848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038002887564387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242755282885045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751103038572696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471581715811466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436797584525268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899533709274374,0.1770982936647234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836008090508107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400869712508305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774835489657932,0.0,0.0,0.2084114771385461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036489525889758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714080576762145,0.0,0.21616747312437687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856212276202697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264029131284844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962568911388167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,domjuras,2019/02/24,"I kinda need help I think Hello everyone.

I am kinda in a weird situation. My own parents hate me. And I'm not saying this because ""they didn't get me what I want"", but because they treat me differently than my siblings. They don't like me. They don't like spending time with me and they are much happier when I am somewhere else. I notice when they get angry they use way harsher words to me than to my siblings. I notice now how they never supported me and never even invested in me too much. I don't have friends to replace my family with, and it seems like everyone has a friend to replace me already. I don't see a single point in living anymore. I lived because I thought I still have a place to come back to, but I was just blinded by this idea of family I didn't notice how little they would care if I was actually gone. To be exact, they even told me to kill myself. Not as a joke.

I don't honestly know what to do. I just want to end this.",1.9727718360071296,3.604378469696975,3.97053475935829,87.3405080213904,77.43434343434343,6.881045751633987,24.273321449792036,7.724431198458867,1.1756205585264403,739,25,158,11,17,252,101,198,0.184,0.722,0.094,-0.9563,2,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,10,0,12,13,2,0,5,0,18,1,0,3,3,32,36,12,1,5,7,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,1,2,2,11,3,0,0,7,3,42,10,20,27,4,18,0,0,2,0,17,6,0,4,12,118,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.12085592289879515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666724454790946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282204698119654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523000185571498,0.0,0.2264862885295617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126269346918673,0.0,0.0,0.106682444047262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293928091131079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345752009767144,0.0,0.10969087996884994,0.0,0.0,0.1635983543616089,0.0,0.0,0.23668050057976545,0.0,0.0,0.2335021511319957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136637028877654,0.0,0.12940894529251218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227237805957222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301142636040597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980716572270174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701735387679584,0.0,0.06806257450220282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151483771494584,0.12412632189748515,0.21871674024042528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820822582624843,0.0918303095809724,0.19103548539118487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229987971863655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375164313817831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293928091131079,0.0,0.11707458958857515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848738490445448,0.0,0.0,0.09868930264785856,0.11274483280091795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920819879816684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890365078492233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053908002468213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935557645982527,0.0,0.0983199650302451,0.07221565345606873,0.0,0.0,0.11834025028988272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696326173080499,0.0,0.0,0.1460952701695517,0.09830326499318813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797671198232805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,masonimal,2019/02/24,"I keep trying to find a quick way to end my life I’ve started cutting. First my forearms then my calves to try and release my pains. My fiancé and I recently broke up after several years and she said it was a battle where she felt for the longest time that she was toxic but she had come to the realization that I was toxic by exhibiting similar traits to her father. She hates her father and she wants to try again to do us over but I don’t want to face the discussion tonight about what all I’ve done wrong. Having listened and heard her family’s understanding, I was controlling and manipulative without seeing it because it was my way or the highway. I’m on vacation away from her but all I can think about before going home today is finding a way to end my life so i can’t hurt her anymore. I keep looking for solutions to killing myself and I want go out before another fight starts because I feel like absolute hell. She deserves to have someone that loves her that isn’t manipulative and trying to keep her locked away from life. I don’t know where I started acting up but I think it started when she started to tell me she was unhappy so I tightened my hold. Now we’re split and she wants to talk but i want this pain to go away. I haven’t eaten in 3 days and slept in 46 hours. I just don’t know what to do ",3.56688888888889,4.786523948148152,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000004,72.48148148148148,7.77037037037037,26.833333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.6300888888888894,1046,36,217,16,20,345,139,270,0.16,0.787,0.053,-0.9873,0,0,0,0,1,3,12.0,1,0,0,2,11,13,6,0,7,0,20,10,3,3,2,43,54,20,1,5,8,2,2,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,11,12,1,5,9,0,0,5,7,11,0,1,13,7,45,2,35,41,2,41,1,2,2,1,28,12,1,1,22,147,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032632046086904,0.0,0.0,0.09766412573106116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775711377842102,0.0,0.0,0.12006305546918035,0.0,0.16759575575780092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848304346395057,0.0,0.0,0.1104519162014064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351043075285026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077760951064747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444529147879428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283668529852697,0.0,0.04979364556447687,0.07035299934611079,0.09455472186859062,0.0,0.18001497442875616,0.08376568948317371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679026580251475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972270467538626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878187967460787,0.0,0.0969814017995417,0.0,0.10542318002632453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262596420160138,0.10895177539590556,0.0,0.10824232289143523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086746505814979,0.04811157922746456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269706616940367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888061438292454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095759535887456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723555427858413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367552398605787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847454670403595,0.0,0.0,0.11125257817284656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344044144689114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485176449793811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915321967328097,0.08607447531351636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620198388355686,0.0,0.0,0.0574235557233792,0.0,0.09334602263214027,0.0,0.0,0.2674415179423841,0.0,0.0,0.10251950303291923,0.11845740790611207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904256032456625,0.2345027460795789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492967784038077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767068739150312,0.0,0.06341687051220113
suicidewatch,lilghostpepper,2019/02/24,It's been too long I was about to try and explain everything but I just cant. I dont belong in this world. I really try to find happiness in the little things but they get ripped away. I try my hardest to confide in my family but nobody could care less about me. I dont believe anybody is meant to care about me ever. Last year I drank myself half to death and jumped off of a building but only hurt my knees. I blamed it on some drunk fun.. now I really want to do something that will end it all for sure. ,0.6618686868686865,2.636244277777781,2.5520538720538752,94.2528787878788,83.07407407407408,5.779124579124581,18.151515151515152,6.980632752743323,0.01826666666666732,394,9,90,5,11,131,74,108,0.14300000000000002,0.705,0.152,0.036000000000000004,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,9,3,1,0,3,16,16,6,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,0,16,5,17,10,3,15,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169749596839924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035582391539837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684192940609051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425384979235056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42349822865941533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600239391000878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343038732321918,0.0,0.0,0.16237854917249206,0.0,0.17032379548371376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513317763347546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439494507827988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233131576079468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934157396540669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727379419326742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108326764888574,0.0,0.15989120617177827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741106366252148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314893631518316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390920215358891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028353456783754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003207896071652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679982831630301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656647399976334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634842464058427
suicidewatch,taxicejd,2019/02/24,"I just don't have a reason to continue Things have been getting better, objectively, through medication and treatment. It just feels there's still no reason to stay here. No one wants me here, nothing is worth it. It's so much work and there's so little point fighting anymore.",3.968653846153845,6.569780096153848,4.123692307692308,84.0213076923077,74.96153846153845,6.467692307692308,27.707692307692305,7.554174236665415,1.7096492307692301,223,9,40,3,5,69,39,52,0.163,0.782,0.055,-0.5649,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,9,2,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,8,8,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,3,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,30,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608985262387447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326674035893865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301802116777384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744520604715071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636690663154946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650191835155443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933895176090716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242641270032323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782656198460581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486897803318761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409673764047691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804016748938306,0.21009108188343528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747745476343274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516774721855378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152086449569686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayjfnndky,2019/02/24,"I think I may have cancer and want to die I always had thoughts about suicide in the back of my head but couldn't bring myself to it.
Lately a couple of freckles have grown looking like melanomas and I have hard things under my skin on several places (maybe lymph nodes).

Maybe I'm just wishing it but I think I have some kind of cancer and want to know for sure.
If it would be cancer I don't think I would want to treat it - I just want to die (and don't want to tell why).
I don't know if this is  the right place for it but I want to know if doctors can treat me against my will (living in Germany). And how likely it is to be cancer.
Sorry if this isn't the right place for this kind of question - I just want to discuss the technicalities and not the reasons. 

Thanks",1.7710846560846534,3.383201117283953,2.6895238095238088,96.39,77.95061728395062,5.122398589065256,20.213403880070548,5.288315135182226,-0.3862447971781311,599,14,139,2,14,189,79,162,0.205,0.657,0.138,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,19,8,2,2,1,41,38,14,3,15,11,0,2,2,0,4,6,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,3,17,8,22,29,1,13,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,7,4,94,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982166415081567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076353828467013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060622965322458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450085429446837,0.0,0.0,0.12081636536274935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057383996998496,0.0,0.12114051120806466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24583574856042814,0.1946109408653707,0.0,0.13315142199394386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533430362375148,0.0,0.10422925989431107,0.0,0.0991217570855666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371690336568228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699721397094708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222899492736356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136219147412605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016067307983578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334875757505274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321332981678887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291138479678312,0.0,0.1112489306601038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316996271447648,0.10867305536275093,0.0,0.0,0.07841885865934453,0.22690095857688486,0.0,0.0937085764598726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487350959371702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651046870675604,0.0,0.13573727993814275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770088229685828,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesituation1969,2019/02/24,"Dream job I just completed three years of a degree to get my dream job. I started my job and I fucking hate it. The three years have been a horrible struggle in itself. I suffered with depression beforehand, and the only thing I was living for was this job. But, it’s not what I was expecting. There’s so much pressure and the staff morale is awful.

I drive to work everyday, hoping I crash my car and die because I hate it so much. The prospect of going to work tomorrow, makes me so sick and anxious. I have no one who cares about my feelings. Every time I talk, my loved ones ignore me, too busy engrossed on Facebook or twitter. Im finding myself drinking more, and taking more of my pain pills to cope. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so mad at myself that this darkness is overcoming me. ",2.279337474120084,4.341167285714292,3.5475527950310566,88.74563561076607,78.00621118012424,6.280910973084887,25.64016563146997,7.3011,1.2553897308488615,627,24,126,8,15,204,101,161,0.284,0.622,0.094,-0.9892,4,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,4,2,6,1,10,6,0,1,0,19,24,13,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,11,8,1,1,3,3,0,3,3,10,0,4,4,1,23,3,14,20,4,12,1,2,0,2,3,3,1,2,6,90,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630181540756255,0.1431070250916058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879640633804308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712367235303972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129601566090506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428555195430928,0.0,0.1497608269095459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135926163610532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157914323124434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296251752481328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318877697906203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334032109006105,0.07539089942007318,0.0,0.08200912981128271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849331484869386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332265929034732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586897946766656,0.0,0.5727827357068224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793036168708148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741972147041578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023656554997678,0.0,0.09632150489250273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121545027326798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955631018700019,0.10974680552221798,0.15354558812828864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021364252054514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508539013554676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849579301323327,0.11598303582891785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958666418483027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841426078228977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010453034043625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584919716809256
suicidewatch,2z52,2019/02/24,"My friend wants to SUICIDE He's depressed about his girlfriend who dumped him. I been trying to convince him to look on the bright side, but in my opinion IF you are depressed no one but you can go make you go out of depression. All my friends are depressed and talking about drugs and alcohol. Ive stop trying to help them. Even if I help them, talk to them. They are doing the same sht next week. They say that they have nothing to life for, Life is a joke and they would kill themself if  they had no family to harm or friends. I'm sick of this what should I do? Leave them? ",1.8955007704160245,3.8642203220339013,2.293636363636363,97.72478428351313,78.83050847457628,5.307858243451464,22.59167950693375,6.11248444174946,0.12275254237288102,450,14,102,3,11,137,78,118,0.292,0.56,0.14800000000000002,-0.9779,0,0,2,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,9,0,3,13,2,0,3,0,13,5,0,1,1,18,19,9,2,6,6,0,0,0,4,2,5,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,7,0,1,2,3,22,6,15,15,2,9,0,4,2,0,26,4,0,5,3,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677291834559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407147255256176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200931233289933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366236624853513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795616743774492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637718272033512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839380128755575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103972479616837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363919307631678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661847774702203,0.0,0.0,0.22171337004093364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179640063005033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476369791420116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669154833408586,0.0,0.0,0.1505953921331071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635171112794628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481097874932932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131215166384525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167512899278034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25229696613053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311414707045712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257172214593304,0.0,0.1258938451478654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149102537664776,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HeirTwoBrer,2019/02/24,"At a loss. Not at all for words but for a reason. Why do I feel the way I do? Nothing is inherently bad about my existence here. The paths my life draws me down don't gravitate toward any kind of extreme, (or at least not outside what most people would consider ""normal"" parameters) save for a few outliers. Yet I can't seem to do ANYTHING to silence the cacophony of thoughts screaming inside my head. Just when I think I have managed to quell them, they strike back with a vengeance. I have temporary moments of happiness, sure, but it feels as though it is but a form of stasis for the darkness that ails me. The only true joy I'm able to pull from this life is within the reverie of ceasing to be.

But WHY? Why the FUCK do I feel this way?

I couldn't even stop it if I wanted to. I feel caught in a snare between wanting to take my leave from this mortal coil and remaining tethered to those who I genuinely believe care for me. I feel an obligation to those around me, and to aid in humanity's fight in any way I can, but I despise that feeling to the very core. I feel guilty for just wanting to just finish it and that seems so unfair to me. Isn't it supposed to be my life? My decision? I hold my ""own"" autonomy, don't I?

I'm sorry for the length but I've been carrying so much for what seems to be so long and what plagues me the most is always the ""why"".",2.7068618570042062,4.042050266903914,4.088872533160789,88.4970163377548,74.80071174377223,7.244322225816887,26.295858945325136,7.84624498591911,1.3476818505338088,1059,38,232,15,22,350,150,281,0.109,0.772,0.119,0.6083,1,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,0,2,1,14,13,3,0,18,0,21,5,1,1,3,48,42,18,1,7,13,0,7,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,17,6,0,2,14,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,3,8,32,7,44,34,8,22,0,1,0,1,5,10,1,7,7,166,49,1,0.11743177461004314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977126437388816,0.0,0.0,0.1597152672839345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966363446684086,0.10453917638494334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029778604427008,0.09805062667088367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230539652824466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972952063244968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756257960448998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41563923571008377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856378335657876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250083077073669,0.0,0.0,0.12051887981769953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228712236801273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434329350233758,0.0,0.0,0.24883660583171385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392342516744772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632586621154538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505820599126787,0.11267895489081185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931215626936705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141240647524732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073942253356705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207164315279281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145525739495054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981782218207848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106780578219985,0.0,0.08829407994208154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524553948288085,0.11537612232068142,0.09322771178386144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689351250362853,0.20779290965211175,0.2796356300588075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42385564496583744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342016340076219,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uplandsnow,2019/02/24,"Like freezing It's been cold since you went away. I can't tell you how many times that I've felt it. Life can be a living hell, like a cell that I'm trapped in. I'm tired of living for other people. This is my life, not yours. If people only care when you're dead, what point is there in living? I feel I've finally lost the war inside my head that keeps me alive. It's time to get off this emotional roller coaster I've been riding. Dying alone no longer scares me.",0.7144000000000013,2.643125640000001,1.9980000000000009,98.54900000000002,82.6,4.800000000000002,15.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.9796999999999992,364,5,86,2,10,116,72,100,0.258,0.632,0.11,-0.9505,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,1,3,7,2,1,3,0,7,4,1,1,0,6,16,3,3,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,4,9,3,7,10,0,11,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,1,6,42,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848162097848174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765586412503025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193756054797094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519874523106788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007276995491877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022764479430044,0.0,0.1713361165198449,0.19547883919657152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093230654922013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313704822487695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586109783947136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208333361682783,0.17435937585278596,0.0,0.4727131858372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947948572361879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809162067025299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571620226235054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742393612209826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868912172024791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865554742962456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761235147487775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596964424682067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810656178711584,0.20509739355448772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542120317520734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leigh003,2019/02/24,How to get over someone who breaks up with you because of your mental health Does anyone have advice on this? I’m really struggling. ,2.8954666666666675,5.814484680000002,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,82.2,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.4943333333333335,107,3,18,1,3,33,25,25,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636503303331716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602085323379699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268527339189965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32566171074282674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442748537080976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955667971818936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750290032008823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384020390624553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31531251953677153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890409177305884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bitterend90,2019/02/24,"Need someone to talk with I am hated by my own family. Everyone around me despise me so much. I know deep down they wish for my death. The only reason why I'm still alive is my own selfishness. I had many opportunities to ended it, but I don't want others to see me as a quiter.",1.7133898305084756,3.2180335593220377,4.212,85.88172881355933,77.81355932203391,7.4318644067796615,20.274576271186444,8.238735603445708,0.8486379661016947,216,5,48,4,5,76,48,59,0.16699999999999998,0.741,0.092,-0.5397,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,11,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,11,1,9,10,3,5,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420132072088243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078743635999836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25977406228843625,0.0,0.0,0.2562855926198457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684056546812803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494072509136662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27562356297315194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199848520615904,0.2015808864914439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676192532733947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795175540343989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663737393192686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303462571494605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710789927028487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185109232035185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035018398264986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453115367343792,0.0,0.3126258023091237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wilsonoriole,2019/02/24,"Why do we have to keep living? Coz every bad things will stop someday?
Then when I finally get my good time it will also comes to end, why not end it now?

Why can't I choose where I was born?
Why can't I changed my past?
At least let us choose our death 
But I know for the fact that writing this mean I still have hope for my future...
Yet I really doubt it'll be fine
Just keep struggling? 
How long?
If there's a god I really hope he die a horrible death
But now really.. 
what should I do? I need help",-1.203639143730889,0.8418894311926621,0.8843669724770677,101.66483792048929,95.05504587155964,4.741529051987769,12.771253822629971,6.42735559955562,-0.9684537003058103,384,6,97,5,15,126,76,109,0.227,0.647,0.125,-0.9373,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,3,0,13,0,0,2,1,23,22,7,3,5,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,16,4,5,15,1,18,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,15,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948870870174327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475694109378542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580633578539396,0.12870950205662565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507124024498667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26467819831141404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258902539325536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367900332176494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806420756021214,0.0,0.0,0.12532387774653742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015105528632964,0.0,0.0,0.2968095594823023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656173626387285,0.0,0.0,0.08211566721315047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527889901917883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193793495826822,0.132229329603354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275889945560906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079080091787684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263541880427796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28716103936624915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932459701120295,0.1249192896798225,0.0,0.15620307434010394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992660053788115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712624537273148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973023539612878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.539302353556236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Katon2099,2019/02/24,"I want to die but can’t bring myself to do it. I made a post on here a while back and decided to hold off to see if things would actually get better.  I’ve just managed to make my life worse.  Now, the person who means the world to me hates me.  I’m ready to go buy a gun and end it all.",0.5845454545454558,1.2008841212121233,2.96709090909091,97.30063636363636,79.0,6.492121212121212,17.745454545454546,6.742157984588678,-0.4647781818181818,216,3,60,2,5,75,51,66,0.18600000000000005,0.701,0.113,-0.743,0,0,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,13,13,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,9,11,1,10,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.2662708276086497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981157397249295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413214342069176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28318435466179703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24167190725840626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255746072062472,0.0,0.1550719435864929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693915740221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272823922810398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581855931989173,0.1821353672112895,0.0,0.0,0.2972232235647644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382497787572064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26132330444045465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743313576920084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181275261799952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609391892622898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27806642730614123,0.19383106220982596,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lorellspear1317,2019/02/24,"I want to die I have been looking into suicide for months now, and I think today is the day that I actually do it. I've been reading on some things. I just can't tale the pain anymore. My kids hate me my family hates me. I have no support I just want to die ",-0.3189473684210533,1.5094910526315817,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,85.84210526315789,5.203508771929825,20.026315789473685,6.42735559955562,0.0039263157894731116,198,6,48,2,6,69,41,57,0.314,0.5660000000000001,0.119,-0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,14,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,11,1,5,12,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.21527229817028615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187744190391237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422677721924286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578927957028225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796061747004094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355906635982108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524716698198293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607960488766844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347323397805529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065818057035744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412989363529548,0.2503325448516573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655583024082014,0.14135060084262327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910156844279665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602294021414633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isurviveonmemes,2019/02/24,"I almost threw myself off the window this morning Title says it all. I looked at the ground, then looked at the sky, then at the ground again. 
I called a friend and put myself back in the safe zone.
I am so afraid of what I might do. ",1.90091836734694,3.2633635306122493,2.432397959183671,99.44206632653062,76.95918367346937,4.9,14.290816326530615,3.1291,-1.4316979591836732,179,1,43,0,4,55,35,49,0.0,0.87,0.13,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,6,4,1,14,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,2,4,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371235817795017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588763051387178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34377486555106546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601082531911825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5654313332891079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571507093192792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384435366091479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26773128016388703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dididkdjdkdksk,2019/02/24,"- i want to kill myself, my whole family hates me, i have no irl friends only online friends, i’m bullied (i get called many slurs by almost everyone & even my own family), i’m ugly, i’m not skinny enough, i have nowhere to go because my mum wants to send me to my piece of shit dads house with his step family that i hate so much or she’s going to send me to a foster home, i can’t take it anymore it’s just too hard i hate my life & i hate myself. i have no fucking idea what do with myself, i’m too scared of pain and death but i wanna die, should i just end it all? end the pain? end the suffering?",-0.5647869674185451,1.3754491127819577,1.8860451127819533,97.3330776942356,87.94736842105263,5.050426065162909,15.633583959899747,6.42735559955562,-0.5656512280701755,464,9,113,5,15,158,82,133,0.306,0.657,0.036000000000000004,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,0,0,6,13,7,1,3,0,6,6,2,0,1,15,21,4,3,4,5,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,11,0,0,0,1,24,2,12,20,6,8,0,1,0,1,9,0,2,2,3,68,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408395995571175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26852583726150164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289136050089346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553803467781009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653207593979202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860522924623669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292583490969476,0.1280383379601954,0.0,0.0818453398121729,0.0,0.0,0.11840703454784787,0.0,0.0,0.35045088896241866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147436618204125,0.11455833193562255,0.06474098803457175,0.0,0.14084862052791094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100438352143124,0.4893655255141893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242978370530509,0.0,0.0,0.1429824101087106,0.0,0.1398860646416928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370946783905145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752552526341101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563136001979405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109250737523307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094243690920268,0.2637106908192174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406151890841455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719797850229364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316939963977804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617771772384194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834777263228007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PancakeNinja13,2019/02/24,"Giving up Hope of being happy Sorry guys I don’t know where else to go to who to talk to or what to do anymore. 

I’m trying so hard to be the perfect mom, wife, everything but every day I feel like a dilute. My husband doesn’t seem to care about my thoughts and feelings and I just feel trapped in an endless cycle of depression.

One day I’ll feel strong enough to post my full story but right now I just could use a hug. I want to be happy again but more and more every day I feel like just giving up and I don’t know what to do because my family and everyone I know just says “it’s what you tell yourself”

:(",-0.021043256997455014,2.0865255725190863,2.0480610687022893,95.93402544529265,87.1679389312977,4.714707379134861,17.89363867684478,6.079149491110277,-0.33173323155216305,474,12,108,4,15,158,78,131,0.106,0.649,0.245,0.9651,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,9,10,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,1,28,27,10,0,3,8,3,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,7,13,9,16,22,4,13,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,3,7,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324774981462027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805056310639822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726834685820467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532526297789,0.0,0.0,0.27945961407023423,0.0,0.12440776852517488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206628396094161,0.0,0.0,0.1492473004452459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24339739689392426,0.13802061586809353,0.12981524522390187,0.0,0.1361671562584061,0.0,0.3651713271779962,0.20637892928651155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771240468244942,0.08208977373543642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302038752032345,0.0,0.3075226013160231,0.12939174970634765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434635960578989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814480096207366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113422738949946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916884103675134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787770471684673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383356037022161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335276363471022,0.0,0.11486615489195835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149466239094387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616911045840046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609708809561095,0.12624876138336094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467089255230352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980667040366201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247515973912718,0.0,0.0,0.08519569256792818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kipukalava,2019/02/24,"Ah, here came my old friend, depression. I’m feeling relatively calm right now. But there’s a few things I’d like to get off my chest.

My family is aware of my mental state, but they usually avoid talking about it. When I was living on my own, although it’s more alone, I can express my feelings however I like. At home, I dare not to cry, because every time I do, my parents scorn me for being weak or emotional.

But that’s not the hardest part.

The hardest part is that, I believe I’ve been sexually abused when I was a kid. But I can’t tell anyone about it.

I was barely 10, I think. And I live with my grandparents, my uncle and aunt for summer holidays, because my parents were too busy working. One morning, I woke up, and I felt something against my genitals, I thought it was a fist, and that it’s accidental, so I went back to sleep. But now I know better, so this weird feeling won’t go away. Obviously I can’t prove anything, but the guilty party is already in jail (for other reasons).

And there’s my cousin, I was also about that age. I think he asked for a hand job or something, in exchange, he bought me some snacks. He currently is having a huge debt for gambling. His mom won’t stop coming to our house and ask us for more and more money.

These horrible memories just won’t go away. Please help if you can.",2.6924762550881947,4.280565276119404,4.087028493894167,87.45776797829036,75.34328358208955,7.111533242876527,26.360922659430127,7.84624498591911,1.4483298507462687,1026,38,216,15,22,339,161,268,0.136,0.718,0.146,-0.0571,8,2,2,0,1,0,44.0,2,1,1,2,16,9,0,1,8,1,21,5,3,1,2,36,40,22,0,1,12,5,5,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,13,10,1,2,10,1,5,5,7,4,1,1,13,5,38,5,24,23,8,28,0,1,0,0,21,10,0,4,14,145,51,2,0.0,0.1456272040474109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729677658164396,0.13563326568091222,0.09829037554785294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594091158899345,0.0,0.10114372981786716,0.0,0.2298068636371689,0.0,0.2309543205433669,0.09450952336982296,0.0,0.14984851245486286,0.0,0.0,0.13847648445122968,0.0,0.10870312487531296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057528518241427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587532019699797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500989240537406,0.0,0.0,0.10586144139021247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382562122284113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035562311392251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586777580215345,0.0,0.18643962595446872,0.0,0.11801202594938695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949592780246278,0.0,0.06421494015046501,0.0,0.13970416597049062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238338954836748,0.0,0.12328786460490282,0.0,0.0,0.14182061760931278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196833230391214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754763572589617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200943712604495,0.0,0.2170620022085347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238634802548797,0.0,0.0,0.1439496710114072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897244155695478,0.0,0.08328639782003859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729520556998986,0.2661971901421743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491730030011925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637104158900006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496371338092253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299787935411707,0.0,0.0,0.1892428843711356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027575243653265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987896916141602,0.107427984700707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165535516977451,0.1575103971817374,0.0,0.0975761089118206,0.0716692938672223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784453297997502,0.0,0.1353670266513166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393798177648255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947930018699582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SquishySquash15,2019/02/24,I want to die but not have others suffer from the consequences I really just want to die. My mom said she would commit suicide if I died. I don't want my dad to live with that. I really really don't. One thing that makes me a little happy is thinking of the fun courses I can take later on. I know that's  weird. I know AP Chem is hard but I'm really excited. AP calc? Sounds awesome. I wish I could find more that makes me happy that isn't so lame.,-0.1717338331771323,1.8780435979381451,2.447029053420806,93.22475164011247,87.24742268041237,6.0014995313964405,15.003748828491096,7.348242739294969,-0.0983319587628868,347,6,80,6,11,120,62,97,0.179,0.498,0.324,0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,2,1,19,21,4,4,7,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,3,15,4,7,18,1,3,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926452926677004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040820750868523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797430019263896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446925961541442,0.1450312202626531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779527734502422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226702708050014,0.1429612779506313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161399393226164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189616134735484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097080995025414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148709181926133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400463379230284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709308043942215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172917223838275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755962635384424,0.10373942671909672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864796700475172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617780674233325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150096070475687,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tacituskilgorex,2019/02/24,"I feel like I only have 1 hope to keep me here I’m a 30 yo male and the weight is unbearable. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far. Everything in my life seems fine from an outside perspective probably. I exercise 4 to 5 days a week, have a few great close friends and a great family. Not bragging but I’ve been with a lot of attractive women that other guys consider “bucket list girls.” Haven’t had sex in 6 months though, and not by choice.

The problem is that I’ve always longed to love someone and them love me back. I’ve always been sad because of it and always fantasized about suicide. In the last 2 years it has gotten much worse. At that time I met a girl that I love very much but she doesn’t seem to want me the same way. She’s hot and cold towards me. But, I finally felt pure joy and excitement to be around another person. The first time ever! I absolutely adore her.

I mentioned the attractive girls in order to describe her as “middle of that pack” but definitely still very pretty and a beautiful body. It’s not shallow at all though, my feelings for her are immensely deep to the point where I literally can’t enjoy a single second of my life if I feel like I can’t have her. It’s constant pain and she has been in my mind all day, every day since the day I met her. I finally tasted what it could be like to be happy. If we were together every single aspect of life would be pleasurable, I know this because it felt that way for a period of time when we were at our best. But now that I know what that feels like and that I can’t have that now, I feel like there’s no point to anything at all. It’s like my chance finally came and it’s slipping away. It all probably sounds silly but I’m just kinda.... getting through life. 

I want to share my thoughts of suicide with her. I see her all the time since we work together and hang out outside of work some. She’s the only person I’m comfortable speaking to about it. I had it all planned out and had written 2 suicide notes (1 for her and 1 for friends and family) to provide everyone with a sense of closure. I just couldn’t find a way to make sure they saw the notes after I was gone without finding my body. 

I don’t want to put pressure on her, become a burden to her, or make her feel like it’s her fault but I somehow want her to know that I plan on taking my life if I can’t be with her. I’m afraid she’ll think I’m just wanting attention or threatening her or being manipulative. But I’m also afraid of pushing her away completely which I know there will be no bouncing back from. It will cause an indefinite suffering and there’s no possible way I could make it through that. But I care about her and love her. I’ve met so many people that I know she’s my only shot. I would rather die before seeing my only experience of love being shared with someone else. What do I do? I know it doesn’t make much sense but I promise she’s the only one that can give me the happy, healthy, effortless, productive life I’ve always dreamed of. Or her self-removal from my life will cause pure misery until I relieve it myself. I will have no choice but to kill myself if she won’t be with me. How do I tell her this?",2.210804920155372,3.8301642960725104,3.707970435908504,89.53353096676739,76.73413897280967,7.024643936124297,23.452848511005612,7.83500028581142,1.0287936124298662,2492,77,545,38,56,824,266,662,0.109,0.6729999999999999,0.218,0.9976,0,0,0,0,0,5,58.0,4,0,2,6,28,46,1,3,27,0,52,19,2,10,10,120,108,45,5,17,27,0,10,7,2,8,9,2,0,8,39,31,2,1,22,2,0,5,19,10,0,3,21,17,91,36,69,67,16,62,0,2,3,6,58,24,0,16,35,362,130,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582215364008227,0.19071011524401468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008321258755691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715236361253803,0.051008440701809,0.0,0.0,0.10766897878650072,0.0881191037507959,0.0,0.06985812722937039,0.0632824702951398,0.04875740327896417,0.0,0.060131980702926,0.0,0.0,0.12729299943449424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553502598523417,0.05842035842092154,0.1177241349200475,0.0,0.0,0.060077126414828874,0.06192008482897113,0.0,0.0914975056336081,0.0,0.0,0.14781298825311398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946752854615309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786613341192355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183041148064373,0.09655410323138394,0.05475184600431423,0.05149683089593028,0.056049617471663316,0.10803318219403953,0.0,0.17383319857041182,0.2046728179656401,0.11003244527837816,0.18830543536761885,0.1047408708506838,0.0487386746114719,0.0,0.0,0.08853844749178663,0.0,0.02993646974245965,0.05496661871994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634515187752074,0.0,0.05673522164597379,0.0,0.1219921386685636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056911039479016365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050930166258159985,0.06339308089178781,0.0,0.22043101244684934,0.046706499803223576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833048618503103,0.1959544813199121,0.0,0.0,0.050707993438392295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048713735161766816,0.2585738486965618,0.0542178933299431,0.15299065743708767,0.05809240053500979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578558630130866,0.0,0.04573567886771727,0.0,0.12636452610271715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388274243105401,0.21789313750863148,0.06097039415166885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039724054193738,0.10006291157065944,0.0,0.0,0.1083325391736132,0.0645962444192501,0.0,0.058293891052345864,0.12355646878891767,0.05482760088183463,0.0,0.05760152730136324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913200958695398,0.10432608868372087,0.059775567441915964,0.0,0.0,0.09479698919282424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709886112581947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575921923247358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880280911216433,0.0,0.05400382272590695,0.0,0.0430818712829951,0.0,0.050082030847502776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036715017006207835,0.11259235623070725,0.045489168489157454,0.13364650919504206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455569017938373,0.16898277878168885,0.1819257678919572,0.04596196611976405,0.06977499535146715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523438901751728,0.0,0.08342900752840042,0.0,0.05839278523456343,0.0814074226583606,0.0,0.0,0.036898809474885164
suicidewatch,Mrfineshowtime,2019/02/24,The Plan I’ve started to plan my last days on earth. I am starting by giving away all my prized possessions. I’m giving away my Jordan’s and all of my Jerseys. On the 23rd of March will be my last day due to a court case with my ex on the 22nd. I just can’t do it anymore. Basketball season ends for me next week and after that I don’t really see a need to stay around any longer. I feel worthless and disgusted every single day I stay in this body. On that day peace will finally come upon me. ,2.3465094339622645,3.377726622641511,3.9378773584905673,90.42964622641512,75.22641509433961,7.186792452830187,21.740566037735853,7.6454224807358475,0.6396452830188673,386,9,88,5,8,129,71,106,0.059,0.83,0.11,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,1,0,5,0,7,1,1,0,2,11,16,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,13,1,18,13,3,28,0,1,1,0,3,9,0,0,16,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173055900916811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107317363162947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356114643358992,0.0,0.0,0.3241379581556697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160808149775505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859306388809745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44499168415312784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278337575329734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533828696857884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722094125800774,0.0,0.0,0.1889647944332104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309545192944306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28122026695981284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790620968886032,0.0,0.0,0.1834551984097008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050761077440066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745978529446148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24419209877504505,0.3677230769162416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836871138549578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hollow1011,2019/02/24,"i constantly think of suicide i dont really know what to put her or if this is ever thie right place but here i go. i dont think ive been actaully happy for about five or six years, ive been off and on anti depressants for that time but nothing ever gets better, my life feels like it just keeps getting worse, ive been spending a lot of time recently thinking about suicide no matter what im doing its in the back of my mind, i dont want to die i just feel like its the only choice i have, i honestly just think its the best thing i could do, i dont have anything good in my life nothing makes me happy anymore.",3.982954545454543,3.831848204545455,5.237424242424243,86.90113636363638,70.74242424242425,8.115151515151515,27.10606060606061,7.6454224807358475,1.3169060606060603,481,14,108,5,8,161,81,132,0.189,0.609,0.202,0.6017,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,4,0,16,2,0,1,2,25,29,6,3,3,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,7,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,3,2,18,8,13,25,2,16,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,4,10,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563257226647182,0.0,0.0,0.09594912978014217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965564686609599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236101816257383,0.1031202849148434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599958517609872,0.0,0.09309295833755347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042454630606384,0.0,0.1210089415891325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5466017442635943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109367377033074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790956558605124,0.1665933774588617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218339018625476,0.0,0.06626457802014539,0.09779576005193273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823865970855985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259444183181009,0.0,0.0,0.1036364830442776,0.0,0.0,0.0640784839384169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471136105794354,0.11392649286993076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991263245151297,0.0,0.0,0.07782918670951364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177294049223161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237553107665021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886770262496825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181871022572892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721186373578307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469481636192354,0.0,0.11512515135752555,0.0,0.0,0.09957292434763164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25507567857525504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746165070772659,0.2988417684047585,0.0,0.0,0.13597691900229886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877174050134788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882197411637922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508443666007622
suicidewatch,leader556,2019/02/24,"I just want it to end. I lost my Dad, my girlfriend, my car, my apartment, my job, my money and my health. All within three months. Dad got cancer, girlfriend fell out of love with me (and potentially cheated) and has given me about a week to get out of our apartment. Work laid me off because of Trump, car got repossessed because no paycheck, my bank account is $-1,081, and my sickle cell is going untreated.

I haven't even eaten in about 4 days, besides a couple peanut butter sandwiches. Girlfriend cleaned out the fridge, and won't help me get any food. Dear fucking lord, I'm pathetic.

I've got literally nothing left at this point. I'm going to be homeless in about five days. I have nowhere to go. I have no way to get anywhere even if I did. I'm just... Fucking stuck. Help. Dear God I'm crying. Someone tell me it will be okay. Someone please help me find something. I live in Sacramento. I don't know if I can say that. Just... I don't know. I don't know. I keep looking online and have no idea what to do. How do I start?

I don't want to give in but I might. I feel broken.",0.1861776061776048,2.503665333333334,1.9066473616473625,95.51452702702706,89.36036036036036,4.432689832689833,20.991634491634493,5.985473137389443,0.07426074646074676,832,29,182,7,28,271,123,222,0.109,0.8190000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.8223,1,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,1,0,0,2,9,8,3,0,3,1,20,8,0,1,1,28,50,10,0,4,6,2,1,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,5,10,3,1,6,0,3,6,9,4,0,2,8,4,32,4,24,37,1,27,1,1,1,3,14,14,2,3,6,105,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125187236419026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635984982593476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847554366071547,0.14739829769300133,0.17307923831136734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884999762341855,0.0,0.0,0.17725871132216306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784906152332368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264463604417887,0.0,0.1622596502300765,0.0,0.0,0.2481077399974929,0.2103217630057102,0.12872455408733766,0.2287849713579712,0.0,0.3219651976226636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263467947299574,0.0,0.0,0.2698284805934429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148097379288625,0.0,0.0,0.13316005393198393,0.11927171606785952,0.0,0.0,0.22123726658390572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579474530620865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184897234171078,0.0,0.11268342108152668,0.0,0.14648113982334648,0.0,0.12110915369088845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235137459993855,0.0,0.0,0.1071069133454318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287562020172755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729720940642313,0.1268502422290372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671101795477601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739269563754355,0.10330383392598186,0.0,0.0,0.094978364681294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728549506527647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829413090108116,0.10651152414979746,0.10763684817303656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976898528792491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrMrFitzwilliamDarcy,2019/02/24,Is it wrong to kill myself even though I am not so depressed anymore but still can't be happy? Probably the meds are working. I don't feel so depressed anymore. But I have yet to feel alive again like I was before all this started. I just wanna die. I hope I can die soon.,0.8378947368421059,2.953664982456143,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.3859649122807,4.5017543859649125,21.780701754385966,5.46131890053228,0.006733333333333036,212,7,46,1,6,69,43,57,0.262,0.507,0.231,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,9,13,5,3,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,2,8,3,3,11,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117850462684824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666012346532028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576269699495773,0.0,0.43093110906804016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371239072626682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994688161247035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210038356194096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620276275542326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296888009624985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142735999494204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060700000476356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383781296046196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694684817884318,0.0,0.16579696160261098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397496805935966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114195772721914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269880504094268,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qwertyyy2269,2019/02/24,"Please help me I don’t know where else to go. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a while but the reasoning behind them were always personal and the thought of my family dealing with my death held me back from doing anything. But now I’ve realized that my family would do a lot better if I were gone. Holding back from committing suicide is actually selfish of me. 
   I come from a poor family but my parents bend backwards to provide more than they can for my siblings and I. My older brother is amazingly smart and driven and is most likely going to get into nursing school but we can’t afford it. My 11 yr old brother needs therapy for his severe anxiety and speech impediment but we can’t afford that either. I’m in community college as a sophomore and I’ve failed half of the classes I’ve taken because I’ve been so mentally unstable. My parents hard earned money shouldn’t be wasted on me anymore. 
   I get that my family will be devastated over my death but I think it’ll be better for everyone in the long run. My brothers will become successful and my parents won’t have to work until they die for it to happen. I’ve attempted suicide almost two years ago but that only left me in the hospital for two weeks with bills my parents will have to continue to pay for years. I’m planning on ending it once and for all. I hope my family will see it from my perspective and forgive me. ",4.818496240601505,5.939404919413921,6.179251976094083,76.35215153267784,69.40293040293041,9.410372084056297,31.21823790244843,9.682069395223575,3.0772168498168506,1105,46,201,25,19,374,152,273,0.208,0.703,0.08900000000000001,-0.9922,6,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,2,0,3,9,5,10,0,0,9,0,26,0,0,1,2,42,45,21,6,5,9,7,1,1,0,8,0,1,0,1,9,15,0,2,7,0,4,6,5,2,0,3,10,3,34,8,35,24,5,31,0,1,1,0,17,11,0,5,15,143,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.09704449685280446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815246647161144,0.0,0.09958033830538056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274665143653688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607556198942167,0.0,0.09862324878941084,0.0,0.0,0.08183520189819572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293495583362304,0.0,0.060621075043258615,0.10982978023698244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590298849280867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566352279038543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252397982333282,0.0,0.0,0.10320876478113858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307398382059371,0.0,0.088079226905846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502447022338782,0.0,0.0,0.4687419992983632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391237502427066,0.0,0.11303437839203102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793935807117867,0.0,0.08908366615950761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666562458086987,0.0,0.0,0.0987718546682374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465266524507785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804786462170912,0.0,0.0,0.04858406515477167,0.0,0.0,0.08800616900103378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845450375496849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002177093204314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373760404432424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435136031786107,0.10590624909690742,0.0,0.07563281046428286,0.0,0.0,0.4416899915981326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683200526483062,0.0,0.10916133436547798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224657248791956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064419044310274,0.07924521604320192,0.0,0.0,0.1123451483691975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32633182348849343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372463590050992,0.0,0.0,0.0637206833169181,0.0,0.15789729304264966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942876751543533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976920961919233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723975337838345,0.0,0.0,0.07064325474754396,0.0,0.0,0.1280793280266168
suicidewatch,ishouldhavedragonsx,2019/02/24,"A living punching bag. All I know is trauma. I have been miserable for 28 years. Does it actually get better? I tried posting this in advice, but it never went through. 

Warning: This post is emotionally heavy. Suicide, drug abuse, child abuse, domestic violence, and mental illness is all discussed in this post. 

I have PTSD and Bipolar 1. Lately I have not been responding to my medications. I am losing all of my friends because I am wrapped up in self-pity and negativity. I feel like my life has been cursed. 

I have always been a push over. I don't know why I keep trusting and loving people with all my heart. I am starting to feel cold and hateful after years of trauma, abuse, mental illness, and addiction. I have experienced things that most people have not, and even surrounded by others, I feel completely alone. Everything is grey, and I don't feel like I am truly alive. 

An old friend abandoned me in my time of need, my roommate stole 460 dollars from me, my grandpa is in critical condition, my career is all but over, and I have turned to making money in less than legitimate ways. 

I have tried to ignore my trauma, but every night I remember the times I thought my life was going to end. I remember having guns held to my head, having a knife to my throat, sexual assault, starvation, and things that normal people do not go through. I can't emotionally connect to my son or my future spouse, and I wake up gasping for breath every morning. 

I have started writing suicide notes and throwing them away. I am not sure I am at the point I will kill myself, but I think about how easy it would be to relapse on heroin and just leave. Alternatively, I think about running away and starting a new life without a past. I know it would destroy my loved ones, and that always stops me, but it is so bad I am convinced they will find happiness without me. I will never give them the love they deserve. I am afraid to be touched, and even as my son speaks to me, I feel myself slip into my mind. I am always somewhere else. 

I wish I could feel better. I want some revelation that makes it click, but what can be said to make it disappear? I alternate between wild rage and hatred to depression and self-loathing. I have stopped caring for myself. I don't eat, sleep too much or not at all. 

Three years ago I was in remission for four years. I graduated with honors in an excellent program. I was admitted into Harvard for a PhD program. However, even with my stipend, I could not afford the cost of living. I had to turn down the offer because I come from extreme poverty. My abusive father came back in my life, I was stalked, terrified, and spent months in court. My symptoms and PTSD came back with a vengeance. I am told I am overreacting which only makes me feel more alone. I got into a post-bacc program, but my mental health issues ripped that opportunity away. 

I just feel lost. All I know is violence and fear. I don't expect I will be alive much longer at this rate. 
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suicidewatch,icry_imbi_iwannadie,2019/02/24,I dont really have a title I'm stuck in a mental prison. I cant sleep.,-2.799999999999997,-1.4487265555555555,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,92.33333333333334,5.822222222222222,9.0,7.1686216300943375,-1.0202,54,0,15,1,2,22,14,18,0.371,0.629,0.0,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011402042472492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.516904254179393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32859066137457354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132919482187902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,naranman314,2019/02/24,"Why am I still alive? I’ve pretty much lost all of my friends with my stupidity, my family hates me and I hate myself. Nothing I do is good I’m just a walking talking ball of failure. I feel like a plague that just messes up everyone’s life. Every time I disappoint I just consider how it would be without me and I can’t find a negative aspect of me being dead.",0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,83.21052631578947,6.957894736842108,23.97368421052632,8.07648339933343,1.5797157894736842,284,11,59,6,8,100,57,76,0.318,0.5529999999999999,0.129,-0.9502,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,1,12,12,3,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,1,14,3,6,8,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20077829629999575,0.2277061666386599,0.0,0.0,0.2246483322703156,0.0,0.12049180125021562,0.17024179528272285,0.0,0.0,0.2178021741031788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411023508599525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987500123035407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705444584667824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831856246440172,0.11642149869511301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601329479027865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751781534190545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22865558277272685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24243709461294555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903069423263569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153676950280607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895483218521762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502897236908175,0.0,0.0,0.22971300344496734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928170922317248,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dragonfruitsmoothie,2019/02/24,"i feel trapped (and other things) I feel like I have barely succeeded at anything in my life and the older I get the more apparent these failures become. It's dawned on me how absolutely pathetic my existence has been and nothing shows signs of getting better, I am trapped under a layer of thick snow I can't get out of. The current weather is a good metaphor, almost too good, bringing me to my next problem. I have come to realize that I am the victim of a mind control experiment, victim might  not be the right word but I certainly feel like a victim... subject may be better. Anyways, they don't control all of the things I think and do but they control a lot of things I think and do, to see how I react, make me think about things I don't want to think about to the point it feels like torture and on top of all that, send or give me thoughts just to prove they can, to remind me they're always watching me. I'm worried this will go on forever and that's another reason I feel trapped. I want to end my life because I there seems to be no escape. 

I don't need to be convinced of anything necessarily, just needed to share how I feel, what I'm going through, thought this might be the place to do it.",4.923034013605439,5.09115455510204,5.6624489795918365,83.55707482993198,68.75510204081633,8.329251700680272,31.435374149659857,8.021203637495839,2.0674435374149653,946,37,196,11,15,309,126,245,0.119,0.747,0.134,0.6817,2,3,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,3,7,10,16,4,0,13,0,24,2,0,9,4,55,53,13,0,5,6,0,7,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,15,9,0,3,16,1,0,5,6,5,0,0,3,9,31,11,30,41,4,21,0,0,2,0,6,12,0,7,7,137,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853658007012557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901888737476923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365600125575916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839089712950876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607332609367343,0.1197078553822451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172367879064056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336808810505236,0.0,0.0,0.3647046353265577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600106031237066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060258784341947,0.0,0.0,0.3288303901230312,0.23230076809048775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698873593526837,0.10397723119673437,0.12320067464925108,0.18182419591612686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311763396852687,0.15886112763441432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092149006457506,0.0,0.0,0.07235093466602573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996858513735136,0.10944265055211454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607391077743221,0.0,0.0,0.11527362502832715,0.0,0.0,0.1040027948054132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324411724276527,0.0,0.10246325619167776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371425904690364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144261498387938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256417095644652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637251974251077,0.09867386875465642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880370753658235,0.27780685081589473,0.0,0.17209855359824214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786205058143513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007495341613767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Komorxbi,2019/02/24,"I want to kill myself. As the title says: I want to kill myself.

Of course, the driving incident that pushed me to this point— or rather, even further down— is the fact that I left a fairly toxic relationship.

I had always wanted to kill myself before and during this relationship, but the feeling is evermore present. And I’m afraid I’m going to give into it.

I’m afraid, but I’m also hopeful that I will.

I don’t think it fair to live a life I don’t want to live for the sake of others. I know that’s selfish, but is dying sooner rather than later really all that awful? I’ll be gone and won’t be a part of such a lonely world.

I just.. really don’t want to be here any more.

I don’t have friends. I don’t really have family. 

Living has become such a pain and I want nothing more to die. I just wish I wasn’t so afraid.",1.520819047619046,3.0322019200000057,3.7942857142857136,88.63904761904762,78.37142857142857,6.495238095238094,18.52380952380952,7.3011,0.2336095238095237,636,12,140,8,15,220,92,175,0.139,0.701,0.159,-0.0956,0,2,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,0,11,11,3,3,10,1,18,2,0,0,2,26,36,11,5,10,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,9,0,0,3,2,18,2,16,28,4,10,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,2,94,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342882380871114,0.10761673852698456,0.0,0.0,0.08795195534773566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283989185114734,0.11005420899071486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26845776742188604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542427601366179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192513968688312,0.0,0.06539545408634187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992358235552784,0.0,0.0,0.12406952251962343,0.07350382724130536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845842911008185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42926867945242586,0.0,0.07107890752525797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405224089860783,0.0,0.09135284483515972,0.0,0.0,0.34261443386787954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410002597394855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762112108027288,0.0,0.0,0.14005675593428102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222629908989784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485651478540485,0.0,0.0,0.2777138921631196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028520559974064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287238209919473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577093479437688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487283940802851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idkwhatiwant97689,2019/02/24,"I fucking hate my life Sometimes I wish I can press a button where I can instantly be evaporated from the face of the earth, and everyone who has known me can completely forget of my existence.",7.55108108108108,7.2316918108108155,8.208783783783783,69.16020270270272,63.32432432432432,12.80540540540541,37.41891891891892,12.161744961471696,4.812254054054053,155,7,28,5,2,52,29,37,0.163,0.765,0.071,-0.5402,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,0,4,8,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068511777546625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707875918911926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587355108730187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38310786485969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740831983957643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38378018090656907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462253366640755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jensnsn66,2019/02/24,"Help I’m not currently suicidal, but I’m starting to go down that road, what are ways I can start to become more happy, I have absolutely 0 friends. (That’s no joke) not one person text me or says hi to me. My family is not very active with our cousins. I basically talk to no one and I’m becoming sad ",1.124270833333334,2.9235937187500016,3.8731250000000017,86.29270833333338,80.5625,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6358104166666667,234,8,53,6,6,83,48,64,0.181,0.632,0.187,0.1206,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,1,7,3,6,10,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411799543508555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309699366012194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929109731506746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924260707406602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608135385988831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422241757251674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320449346863312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21392986740034914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948386765357276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468331429819853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679968962845216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969266144189896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215568330469627,0.0,0.1944744300906644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,juliabooty,2019/02/24,"when I’m drunk, I really want to kill myself I feel so unloved and unwanted. I just want to die. It’s really late here and I know no one cares. I really wish this pain could end. Why is it so much worse when I’m drunk? Usually it’s better but now I feel like no one wants me. God, this is painful",-1.9304545454545448,-0.06060131818181703,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,100.06060606060606,5.670303030303031,12.66060606060606,7.1686216300943375,-0.4426921212121209,227,4,59,5,10,78,42,66,0.33,0.486,0.184,-0.8856,0,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,13,13,7,2,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,2,8,3,2,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017533088289952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617980080135095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362763011218938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969627403304346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042247787876685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945814963024502,0.13746123352632816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128785635296807,0.0,0.10574618966287423,0.0,0.21705237323414708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400419440500438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414470812872789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607706139695106,0.0,0.4094860114781737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697977105122817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191781356281605,0.0,0.3404738564737571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362450705283686,0.0,0.22126762377544645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608720804167945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wednesdaythrowaway2,2019/02/24,"The air of Hell will tolerate no hymns. Life is shit. I'm so tired of giving it my all just to wind up abandoned, betrayed, in the gutter. I'm so tired. I'm so alone. The torment is too much. I want to die.",-2.273633540372672,-0.4906747608695632,0.5685093167701893,102.69108695652176,100.95652173913044,3.4981366459627328,15.267080745341616,5.288315135182226,-1.0712571428571431,155,4,40,1,7,53,33,46,0.462,0.477,0.061,-0.9799,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,3,0,3,4,1,0,1,4,8,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,7,2,3,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152268714410711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158793328895406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291971421663752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497962946807575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237408278774651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124228527074329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6996378703596856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952038275797386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dustytufty,2019/02/24,"Exhausted and at a loss I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel completely fine, but there's always a lurking voice in the back of my mind injecting nasty thoughts. It makes me wonder if people would even care if I died. They'll be sad for awhile, but will move on. No matter how hard I try to get better, it's just perpetual depression. It's always been hard to make friends, and I have so few. I second guess if they are my friends. My boyfriend deserves someone who isn't a giant sack of sad shit. I feel like I have no one to depend on while sober. ",2.2355172413793127,3.951451517241381,3.2771034482758634,92.22824137931036,76.93103448275863,6.364137931034484,23.66896551724138,7.1686216300943375,0.72952,440,14,97,5,10,141,82,116,0.293,0.551,0.156,-0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,6,12,1,0,4,0,11,2,1,4,0,21,21,10,1,4,6,0,4,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,2,5,14,6,11,15,1,8,0,4,0,0,5,5,1,6,3,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086489539361533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393470940623374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261366870695186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403163285159778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890972850823494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445997607102727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974356861569733,0.0,0.1924868060139724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250005804514658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755668283766125,0.13249858526576952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865846855213269,0.0,0.09689952794301468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431423413902275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322863209034803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019285231780856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906104393812663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476030509422256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872701044222456,0.0,0.0,0.19712344326647474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567811499824974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858036142773602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903805370655788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714668242179974,0.0,0.1834328837573844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724110728620113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592079619223348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011324517375768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175135369192156,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imbeyondscience,2019/02/24,"I wish to die. I wanna quit I was 5 years old when my father died in a car accident, since then everything in my life has been a huge struggle. My relatives showed their backs during rough time and I've no friends either to whom I can talk to. 

I'm short (5'7), 21M now, balding (thinning), have lot of grey hairs, and have never dated, or even had a female friend in my life till now. I've been bullied in high school and made fun of, I'm in college now but still I spend most of my time alone.

I suck at studies, I'm so dumb that I really had hard time passing my senior year in High school. I'm in third year of my under grad studying computer science & engineering, I flunked in my first year in few subjects but somehow managed to clear all, have been able to maintain 2.9 GPA but I can't code or build logic, shit is too difficult for me, I don't know what I'll do with my life after college. 

It's not like I've not even tried, but everything, every time I've tried I've only known failures. I try to make friends but somehow I just fuck it up and they end up teasing me or bullying me (by taunts). I feel like I'm good for nothing. I know I've my insecurities but I don't know how to overcome that. People make fun of me because I've grey hairs and that I'm thinning at the age of just 21. I suck at everything, you name it and I'll manage to fuck things up. I don't know what I'll do in my life/career in future, and I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl. 

I know this is not even real struggle compared to others I've seen in real life and in this sub, but honestly every one has their own level of struggles and this is mine. I understand I've been complaining here but I don't have any one in my life to whom I can even talk to. I've tried therapy but most of the therapist end up giving me pills which I don't need. 

I'm not really suicidal, I won't commit suicide ever but I've been having thoughts where I wish please god fucking kill me already, or I wish I just die. 

Thank you for reading and listening to my rant. I wish you all the happiness in the world (I MEAN IT)!. ",2.4052845528455293,3.259101073170733,4.104079822616408,89.98018477457504,74.85365853658539,7.240502586844051,24.753141167775308,7.576466943178032,0.979867110125646,1628,50,376,20,33,549,203,451,0.198,0.665,0.13699999999999998,-0.9854,1,1,0,0,0,3,52.0,0,3,3,2,22,27,9,4,8,0,31,13,4,4,7,71,65,29,6,6,22,1,7,2,3,1,6,1,0,1,17,11,0,0,13,2,1,2,14,16,0,4,11,11,55,11,52,52,8,62,0,1,3,3,20,32,7,9,30,228,72,11,0.14730030372338052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627934560507117,0.08127477400641914,0.0,0.0,0.07979990877143296,0.0,0.050084628837271314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056632420629076814,0.0,0.04489644897889165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293116893191476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046434805244486,0.0,0.0,0.19458092277408445,0.13324155781933655,0.12410685889695405,0.0,0.19857602251224124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03723972972072842,0.05261568320598769,0.0,0.0,0.06731490451658344,0.06264678154935621,0.0,0.0,0.17070577389372285,0.2042651358401896,0.0,0.07065193674028752,0.0,0.06177425307379846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840195617577828,0.06597606970395882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563085823161507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148298085713095,0.0,0.20238098672657476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121276821220056,0.07196348797350867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261472535845462,0.0,0.06968955447770364,0.09832409654096023,0.0,0.0,0.08022660665925256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461065438775765,0.056803537503576015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066930706687194,0.0,0.0772834450897747,0.0,0.09981449796478616,0.05601425929376472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105974188194563,0.0,0.0,0.08084575001862204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833600228129536,0.07367008263875782,0.16765999377769286,0.09436434640503982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907577135595865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560082250490371,0.06092416669965939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058817106414525436,0.0,0.0,0.23098538966468116,0.0,0.16112262446665518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183944044965166,0.0,0.06780716462427443,0.08422536732822372,0.0855135028963812,0.04892988828751083,0.0471920434501807,0.0,0.058469993776386835,0.17178398331753442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000144743645937,0.0,0.0,0.0766724055001298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33877615958046003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971313233539208
suicidewatch,Cbb_girl,2019/02/24,"I wrote my suiside note I wrote it but I’m to much of a fucking coward to kill myself and get it over with. 

Help me 
Please ",-1.9496428571428552,-0.07806382142856805,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,97.92857142857142,4.228571428571429,14.142857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.8899571428571424,95,2,24,1,4,33,23,28,0.301,0.528,0.172,-0.7836,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335829368534852,0.24503313947169356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143608097127504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518879004950486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447689592346427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514821155078879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesovietgang,2019/02/24,I’m 13 and want to die Ok so recently one of my neighbors who was two years older than me hung him self which really affected me and I have been having swings in and out of sadness and I’m wondering if it is depression. I would have just killed my self right now but I see how the death of my neighbor affected his parents and brother and I don’t want to do that to my family. Sometimes I even feel better and think about how I sometimes feel better but then i slip back into sadness what should I do,1.6282857142857132,3.6127964476190506,3.339285714285719,89.8232142857143,79.76190476190476,6.866666666666667,22.880952380952376,7.908726449838941,1.1292666666666666,397,13,85,7,10,132,69,105,0.195,0.7020000000000001,0.103,-0.8906,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,1,1,11,0,0,4,0,25,20,14,3,5,4,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,5,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,3,16,3,11,16,0,10,0,3,1,0,9,4,0,2,6,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889484752826634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425122596549636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677920502507898,0.0,0.20096456316221484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278953667640048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825436654038784,0.0,0.1958173010148479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142305745737808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121339588252348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501089661055287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404877642532758,0.0,0.1911931089365612,0.0,0.0,0.16536488115274248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430356383577026,0.0,0.4040110995840352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830237523003235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407472673796112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891551451468024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842415785578235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999099178908556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755412014476212,0.0,0.0,0.12469583499793492
suicidewatch,testing-testing-1233,2019/02/24,I need some help I’m sorry for any typos I am 16 just lost my job and I feel nothing. I don’t feel any emotion but ashamed. I know that I should be upset and whatever but I just feel numb. I have no one to talk to. I don’t know if I want to kill my self but I just want everything to stop. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m obese and I can’t seem to lose any of the weight. I play football and I am not very good. And I bad grades. I am a failure. I can’t sleep sleep at night. When I told my family many years ago i was met with no support and I was made fun. Many years ago I saw a therapist and I gave her permission to talk my parents and that backfired and they didn’t take me seriously. I can’t do this anymore. I have no friends and no one I can trust. What do I do. I’m thinking about driving my car off a bridge near by ,-2.4625351591413747,-0.7171698238341939,0.5489914877868252,103.40351683937824,99.56994818652849,4.000666173205033,15.701147298297556,5.773587663045528,-0.9096645447816432,636,17,173,6,28,220,99,193,0.257,0.624,0.119,-0.9821,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,5,14,1,2,4,0,21,5,2,1,0,34,45,15,1,5,8,1,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,5,11,2,1,8,1,0,3,12,8,0,2,9,5,35,6,15,34,1,13,0,2,1,0,11,3,0,3,7,106,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405533384743269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681159671520544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456317614843488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329140492433455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262749363870956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121945033917966,0.0,0.12791185241613653,0.0,0.2058194157478984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048299846280757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771129787200279,0.11380623840237797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094687364539897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464654182833086,0.0,0.15011547827352528,0.0,0.22370697509848644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179693874685454,0.14811633322377665,0.0,0.0,0.12838853820814589,0.0,0.2751268235489683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060879481842122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733129051832764,0.0,0.13019352898002992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388749335137264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066226491212936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352263432263436,0.14154916860614372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715662138592496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188837950983133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343883318955462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397386255902026,0.0,0.0,0.10201832158315337,0.2181171143832598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754087848899967,0.0,0.08694154409557155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965294372308647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195443142281672,0.16006119469160346,0.0,0.0,0.1652279184316372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475353316559272
suicidewatch,thrrrowaway209,2019/02/24,Why do people stop others from committing suicide I'm nobody to you. to say you love me and that you care for me are nothing but empty words.  i don't feel loved. I don't feel wanted. there's no point in my life anymore. to continue living just prolongs my misery. if you let me die you'll let me put an end to my pain. you're cruel to want me to keep living like this. it hurts. i can't see a way out other than killing myself,-0.7408064516129009,1.3719182795698934,1.6432526881720442,97.08487903225807,92.01075268817205,3.9602150537634415,15.276881720430108,5.46131890053228,-0.8590924731182796,332,7,76,2,12,112,67,93,0.34700000000000003,0.55,0.104,-0.9884,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,5,0,0,2,8,2,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,1,13,18,3,3,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,4,17,4,11,15,0,8,0,1,1,2,8,3,0,1,4,48,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816674489510559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867663884395531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011412863933336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224499450158336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852447763384752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961002572063079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282069250804304,0.20266388447859324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746322746900782,0.12938695468823844,0.08949353509115912,0.0,0.3235063510092113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330658045731384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576819273087962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949187000086128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699542311066325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731663211150065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414863437101506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456737809637072,0.0,0.0,0.14597243973258267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314846176637648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037151690026989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609113093173749,0.1454014471653137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529337880045775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notwhoiappear,2019/02/24,"I don't want to be here I don't feel like myself anymore. I haven't for a long time. I don't want to be here, in this world anymore. I'm exhausted and wide awake at the same time. I'm hungry and yet, I have no appetite. I don't know what to do. I just don't want to be here anymore.",-2.1283208955223856,-0.4654349701492535,0.8852052238805967,103.6328824626866,92.73134328358208,3.9470149253731344,15.83768656716418,5.148860815047168,-1.1463417910447755,215,5,60,1,8,75,34,67,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.7562,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,0,9,18,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,7,15,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7573434918597024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128709469391283,0.18185246557611293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398954805086174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243615679017756,0.0,0.0,0.22527108687038885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968633970833285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504252484545141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artfukem,2019/02/24,For me suicide is the answer This is the only place I can go to talk about this because no one else care in fact you probably don’t either tbh...either way this is my first and last post on this sub good bye,0.0259999999999998,2.079184044444446,1.8177777777777813,98.06000000000004,86.33333333333334,4.488888888888889,15.666666666666668,5.6839178017228535,-0.8368666666666664,162,3,38,1,5,53,38,45,0.132,0.748,0.12,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,5,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821106424158008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045878675580191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495610074683185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541102000873041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978223538063608,0.2505710177059846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435149930724869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024356353363716,0.2272071171871232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31212230653641804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28611271490389345,0.0,0.3220949200641838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267757842400608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401178885153455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371278745707851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alexanderdamhethicc,2019/02/24,"keep wanting to die. i wish i could do it i feel like everything i do is stupid and wrong. i don’t deserve friends or love or anything i want to cry i want to drink myself to death i want to overdose i want to hang myself i just wish i wasn’t around 

i’m just so stupid. i’m such a big mistake. my head hurts so much i wish i would just die in my sleep or get murdered so no one would  think it wa s their fault i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry ",-2.663677184466017,-0.9876694368931992,0.2099453883495173,105.0232675970874,102.59223300970874,2.963349514563107,14.204490291262136,4.557286568694721,-1.4924364077669905,340,8,91,1,16,116,55,103,0.358,0.455,0.188,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,1,0,8,4,2,0,0,23,26,7,4,12,6,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,1,1,18,3,8,22,1,4,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,3,1,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134970874420486,0.12277877525266545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011855612329913,0.0,0.1514995501101982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862800831290911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510990159226904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395434441444725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973691322807428,0.09853066500988657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655728734546932,0.0,0.07205793864303167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154655671241298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764709581674682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259036642870255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738114849427508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447892944198928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138767582260726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345872050730253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802042987122212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631732158682055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883740957257514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067463802490252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758064267968996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959499940196197,0.15079477107386305,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chavkhon,2019/02/24,"My social anxiety is killing me. Sorry for the broken English, not my first language.

I'm 20, I had really fucking bad social anxiety all my life, it's a miracle if I even manage to post this without shitting my pant or deleting the whole thing. 

It's ruining my fucking life, I only have one friend who is almost like me, I don't talk to anybody except my family and my only friend, I'm pretty sure I can count the number of time I've talked to somebody not closed to me with my fucking fingers, I keep losing touch with the few people I've known because I never talk to them, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life cause I'm too much of a fucking coward to seek help.

It's not the only reason I want to kill myself but I think my social anxiety is the root of my depression. I want to go to a therapist but I'm too scarred to take a fucking appointment, I so mad at myself for being like that. 

My family told me that there gonna take an appointment to a therapist for me but they still haven't done it, I don't blame them, I should do it myself but I Just can't cause I'm too much of a baby to make a fucking phone call. I'm fucking 20 but I feel like a child who need there mommy to do everything for them.

It's almost been 3 years that I'm a NEET doing nothing with my life, I feel like I'm gonna explode soon and kill myself, my life right now is just living with my parents doing nothing all day until one day I won't be able to continue living like that, so I'll just kill myself.

Feel like suicide is the only thing I can do right now in my life, I have no future.

​",2.7830329457364336,3.4152418575581436,4.75,86.53666666666668,73.73837209302326,7.477519379844961,24.79844961240311,7.6454224807358475,1.1275217054263569,1245,36,273,15,24,430,148,344,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.103,-0.9813,1,0,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,4,2,15,26,13,0,17,0,27,15,2,5,4,45,59,12,5,5,15,1,5,6,2,5,6,0,0,1,16,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,12,17,0,3,4,5,50,9,32,48,6,20,0,3,0,7,20,5,8,4,19,181,66,1,0.07141859855988891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303082012508167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738202170126432,0.08678141440542515,0.0,0.0,0.16390509725104346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059631546640652476,0.04353611479864245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292637420766201,0.0,0.0,0.1467331477587981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921181755157675,0.0,0.0615127342889347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308602233456493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047171310783961765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418643128780893,0.0,0.1346541972595262,0.0,0.10833416796198968,0.15306438324388613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060748623450833525,0.0,0.0,0.11035566417175308,0.4621774048125642,0.0,0.0,0.04058883540383454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787038117524688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062290467242023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348013188641513,0.3160563910432645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026704095704025,0.2093491185816324,0.0,0.12612786195552622,0.0,0.0,0.07989914361850248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767246911323235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500177494157976,0.05295598589038117,0.055082426026329526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705614297693636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679018142407822,0.21726824980040707,0.0,0.0,0.07930190187944439,0.0,0.0,0.04951266380124112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839927549630348,0.07265839018505732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04575258301519793,0.07343021407035909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219821858911046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331016510888726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840680182683792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994727396101121,0.0,0.0,0.05703498506509198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812035511691404,0.0,0.06731118393829898,0.0,0.10739579592555973,0.17221069270202125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584499503206826,0.09489468686360283,0.045762154200559464,0.0,0.0,0.04164475915342696,0.0,0.0,0.06824353150077712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424907964541223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973631478692376,0.0,0.06884498043310001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678141440542515,0.0459912359218369
suicidewatch,somebitch32,2019/02/24,"Nothing’s gotten better I’ve been doing stupid shit that hurts other people and I can’t stop. I’ve faked a recovery for my parents so many times and they always believe me. I wish I could be honest for once, but I think I’m past that point. What’s the point in living if it’s always gonna be this way?",2.2259090909090915,3.24992310606061,3.861030303030304,90.89154545454548,75.51515151515152,5.886060606060608,19.26060606060605,5.6839178017228535,-0.2146266666666663,239,4,53,1,5,80,51,66,0.136,0.765,0.099,-0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,2,0,2,0,6,1,1,0,0,8,11,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,7,2,3,5,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,1,3,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620993659836992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451458601771308,0.0,0.19243787966675244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737253880667415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329312145082205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213316778677425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205989060966532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878044316711789,0.0,0.0,0.2317228853732747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160443828003886,0.0,0.20771126107231644,0.15084731944553814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113797917848065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233497664189148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819123427348588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942086252759303,0.0,0.0,0.12687663730772708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271030727837278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502141299642767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dallenhalifax,2019/02/24,Venting a Little I've been having suicidal thoughts for a while now. I'm actively trying to get help for my depression and anxiety but am nervous to tell my doctor and therapist about my thoughts because I'm scared I'll be involuntarily committed as a result and I just can't have that happen to me. It really hurts because I want to try to be a better person but I can't even be honest to the professionals without fear of consequences. ,5.179108527131785,6.4064451279069825,7.013953488372092,70.30527131782948,68.65116279069767,10.38449612403101,32.93798449612403,10.504223727775694,3.8271147286821705,355,16,62,10,6,124,59,86,0.219,0.623,0.159,-0.7786,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,3,5,0,9,1,0,1,1,12,16,7,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,12,10,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,44,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643667223383707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652512773771065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241861167454105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738846381403845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226870536970773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369966749293506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448211745324491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366876202215202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239206038046733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582927087075725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329078920893978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180573423662184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899694149046048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937774585781115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178205754502364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379808588772001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016144839271684,0.0,0.0,0.2526097986827462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454447042061132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954247831719537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832550686452165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097249500252961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovelyclittymeow,2019/02/24,"I just want to rest peacefully I just had this thought, how peaceful it would be to not need to breathe anymore or worry or feel your heart hurt. I don’t want to hurt my family. And Ive found I’m much too cowardly to do anything. I ran a red light but that’s not like me, I don’t want to cause any pain to anyone else. I just want to be put back into the earth. I can dream. ",-0.03142857142857025,1.5408489523809552,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,83.28571428571429,5.628571428571429,18.833333333333336,6.6274283507984215,-0.2671380952380953,288,7,75,3,8,96,57,84,0.179,0.68,0.141,-0.7403,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,9,3,2,2,0,21,19,5,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,3,11,1,9,12,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345470546143505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621734665565124,0.13834365434580162,0.20272412614882995,0.1628164390911605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213700427091756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324987947871154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528107602901826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651851870096847,0.0,0.10004059259055254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693597301097636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344571583209964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236121811550196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666114705641432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544496882877808,0.1467057432392737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105299014770833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988972522880369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707345004976694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667961001496521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009296689093932,0.0,0.14054933472411235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inthenight098,2019/02/24,"The first noble truth... Life is suffering. The Buddhists believe life is suffering because of its temporary nature. That everyone and everything we know will end and our attachment to those people and things is the cause of suffering. I feel this deep within my soul. I feel like I cannot go on living because it is too painful. It’s too painful to accept that everything ends. Instead of living with that eventual conclusion, I want to die now and avoid the next 40 years of loss and heartache. Like what is the actual point of all of this? I am married with two young daughters. I love them so much it hurts. It hurts so much that I have intrusive thoughts about taking too many pills. It scares me. I want my husband to know how badly I’m feeling and how much I’m struggling with my mental health. But I’m also afraid of him knowing and thinking I need to be committed or he doesn’t love me anymore since I’m crazy. Our youngest daughter is disabled. She was born that way. It is the single life event that has fucked me up beyond repair.  I have a broken heart. Sometimes I think if I do it, should get the kids in the car and go out together. So we can be together and escape this cruel life. My children are vulnerable and if I took my own life I couldn’t guide, love and protect them. I’d really fuck up my older daughter and I wouldn’t want my death to haunt her. My parents would be wrecked and my husband would be devastated. Life is like a shitty ping pong game where you just bounce around from one life event/milestone to the next until you land on your last milestone, death. We’re all just bouncing from one to the next with so much ignorance of our mortality. It seems the more “woke” I get, the less interested I am in enduring the suffering of life. I don’t talk to people about these feelings and I’m scared to, but I’m also dying to share my truth and get through it to a place where I want to thrive in life, not escape it. I’ve been on antidepressants for 6 years and I’m back in the darkness. No one knows how I struggle. I have so much but it doesn’t take away the grief and pain.  So I medicate, as we all do, with shopping, trips, surgery, food, gambling, racing, eating, not eating... just stuck in the ping pong machine of life finding my next source of happiness. But nothing makes me happy. When i snuggle my children I am flooded with oxytocin and feel so bonded to them. Then I feel so vulnerable to have them in this world, if anything happened to them I could not recover... well much has happened to one of them and I cannot recover. Life is so cruel and I want to stop hurting. Please help. ",2.760761047463177,4.8182169615384645,3.565662847790509,89.20444353518823,76.5,6.656301145662849,25.48690671031097,7.616502295504843,1.2772377250409166,2060,75,421,29,47,654,238,520,0.165,0.737,0.098,-0.988,1,1,0,0,0,1,63.0,6,3,6,3,31,38,4,6,19,0,40,26,1,5,6,88,85,46,6,15,14,6,6,3,0,5,17,0,0,3,26,31,3,4,17,2,2,5,11,24,1,6,6,6,62,14,60,68,13,49,1,9,0,5,35,23,2,5,23,286,88,0,0.0,0.0,0.06200474026921712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162397153414623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630134538691988,0.0,0.0,0.05228704978782043,0.056563036807456765,0.0,0.0,0.05969682984159658,0.048857444379000615,0.053052275684259034,0.07746537175826156,0.0,0.0,0.07158651208514896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527188917159449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073059191516037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318865646440061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003218745913886,0.0,0.0,0.11255310222678737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060714082575521626,0.11420922111546053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276287363058786,0.0453921585400113,0.0,0.0,0.058073346799662064,0.05404610311676463,0.07683141508128223,0.0,0.0,0.1174812637004736,0.09958926110838798,0.0,0.07222117174063901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237436914976476,0.13527654903368996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753881354998789,0.0,0.07529382891967693,0.04258874374873959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040589205587985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967713465221976,0.051792633359668924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936729635583758,0.0931256002814945,0.0,0.1122119160224674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203884596398594,0.0,0.04241266773081392,0.06441840888460537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400869462799398,0.06403220417757953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28025014067333903,0.04711324325559189,0.0,0.0,0.2702971000455457,0.0,0.0,0.06096722868224848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722222440207182,0.0,0.20282941025740966,0.0,0.07055236024896619,0.0,0.0,0.08809965992244588,0.0,0.06638456212428319,0.06974656373394372,0.06006473944718154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0407046066072431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722692249177728,0.0,0.0,0.05784337173421991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255998335937797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284153543424853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531213136220914,0.0,0.13284917840988653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554659729199463,0.051070111150286486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04221238062796796,0.08142624356815067,0.0,0.05044273998953205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059398687950963,0.0,0.0,0.06206821214049898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873842643403136,0.0504341720895453,0.0,0.0,0.05712904604092415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027233494831644,0.0,0.0,0.08183385689754068
suicidewatch,weltschmerzsehnsucht,2019/02/24,"Bout time I got a hot date with some buckshot

​

Thanks for all the people here and in /r/depression that have given support to me and hundreds of others over the years

​

Me personally, this is the only note I'm leaving anywhere.

​

Yall get it better than most people do anyways.

​

How could life possibly have any meaning other than suffering? Fleeting moment of happiness at best, crushing depression as a norm. In and out of therapy for over 15 years, different pill regimens every whenever the fuck the doc wants.

​

I dont wanna die, Im just so tired of hangin around",7.672355212355215,8.766175180180184,7.178069498069501,71.84270270270272,62.963963963963955,9.946460746460748,37.478764478764475,9.957137785484203,4.055503474903476,499,24,77,10,7,156,84,111,0.129,0.7190000000000001,0.152,0.4413,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,0,2,6,8,1,0,7,0,6,4,0,1,1,15,15,6,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,5,5,19,12,4,12,0,2,0,1,2,7,1,2,5,54,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703081365657307,0.5274352414197406,0.05903567766352059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728179309620982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110467262301553,0.07677886257432624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931295293393491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954346656993134,0.0,0.09009797542946196,0.09070089380694296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174394940907652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314352414867355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025703026595941,0.04535610241827414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943212280935916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924138347519974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377271595044848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192221532302973,0.0,0.0,0.06131844459866175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456458399965506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602504267270752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037012286220353,0.0758015842300958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786838270913154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851413119798197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992555813964645,0.09927799710438133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062123900248753,0.09977853738729876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512044358421877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5274352414197406,0.11180918765993214
suicidewatch,Goldenapple1231,2019/02/24,"End? Moved out from my vf, he couldn't handle my drug use anymore. Got Hotel till TuesdayGot enouth med equip to end it. F I can get the vein catheter in, that is. Loved this (and all of Reddit) farewell
Finally freedom from this depression, was in Treatment for the last 8 month. That's enough, isn't it? 💉♥️",-0.3371428571428581,1.902234730158732,0.9146190476190484,99.7262142857143,98.5238095238095,4.424761904761905,18.998412698412697,6.2581,-0.05608444444444416,240,8,54,3,10,75,53,63,0.058,0.81,0.132,0.6966,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,1,1,5,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,9,6,2,10,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25942434169514456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253047848442461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033582554272068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633774639863569,0.2702896395782244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286556134773958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666858380528635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20921528502252007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322858832465608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236092779238558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905645540490184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208796511879918,0.2780259346763197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259274653216597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diaperman101,2019/02/24,"I don't fit in I was bullied a lot in school which has affected my personality as an adult

I'm afraid to talk to people, mostly women.

I have a hard time fitting in socially. 

I'll probably never get married. I'm 35 and a complete failure. 

I wear diapers to relieve stress.

I'm fucked up in the head.

I want to die. ",-0.019365671641789817,2.1673341343283603,3.350876865671644,85.95527052238809,88.25373134328358,6.335074626865673,24.792910447761198,7.6454224807358475,1.5608223880597012,245,11,52,5,8,89,49,67,0.331,0.616,0.053,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,5,0,4,3,2,1,1,6,10,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,10,9,2,9,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,2,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843889222958825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28150325030635504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507560771716888,0.1417111782047548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24297685982664266,0.0,0.2783694579706376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305976911745632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919623177910604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880429646946615,0.2368354254069651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924415089275308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745083403940014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764939941416801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107033486110112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218011627205817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816163732659547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998378488497786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cl567,2019/02/24,"I just can’t get over this one night So I went to go pick up weed with my friend who was 17. I’m 18 and this happened two months ago. Long story short I got pulled over and they knew I was high and they were about to charge me with a DUI, possession of marijuana and corruption of a minor, but nothing happened.  This was because I agree fed to go back and buy weed off my dealer which they’ve been trying to arrest for a while now. Even though nothing has happened and I’ve sworn to never drive with drugs or under the influence again it still just gives me anxiety ever single night and it’s affecting my sleep and my quality of life. I would’ve never expected this happening to me or even doing drugs a few years ago but this happened. I’m so thankful that nothing happened, but I can’t deal with this anxiety anymore. ",3.3818194380469846,4.852059544910183,4.258323353293413,87.41292031321974,73.31137724550898,7.533671119299862,25.421004145555052,8.139509932561175,1.4191044679871023,652,21,135,10,13,210,98,167,0.045,0.8809999999999999,0.07400000000000001,0.7758,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,13,2,0,0,5,0,9,5,1,3,3,27,26,17,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,11,12,1,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,9,0,16,2,20,17,2,27,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,15,93,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080164496495477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951815693358775,0.0,0.11636235993852773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022148730820163,0.0,0.0715248325382843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096470547230567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27213701133585755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499408341965484,0.10613400755423663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065083593290582,0.0,0.06130141388092116,0.11255607200093697,0.13336558251053562,0.0,0.093841557586143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225407109732284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396827951849004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287544895750171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383561320288534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365372081325714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098818948623785,0.0,0.0,0.22021729692805286,0.0,0.3377512343524806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950757146941395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741728468632295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937019248151067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802404655493608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527863319396872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966109853635964,0.0,0.11461685082086852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087684479853312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334967603546864,0.0,0.0,0.07555831435010557
suicidewatch,hsd007,2019/02/24,jesuslover / NovaScotia I'm looking for a person from Nova Scotia.. who was messaging me two nights ago concerned about my life. I need to thank you for saving my life by contacting the police department!,4.526666666666664,7.697708333333335,5.2922222222222235,73.15000000000003,76.77777777777777,8.044444444444443,28.44444444444445,8.841846274778883,3.1217444444444435,164,7,24,4,4,53,32,36,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.4199,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,2,6,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240863258889641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164745346684847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070156963191672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710911008063075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34309505223673503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192317433898764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33659949888221513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571424676277235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spcokie,2019/02/24,"Cloud I feel like i'm on my last leg and I'm only turning 19 in a few days. I cut all of my friends off and haven't spoken to them in 4 months and I quit my job a few days ago. I've been rejected from every uni I've desperately applied to and my parents remind me of how much of a failure I am everyday. They tell me things like how I should starve myself so maybe I could lose a few pounds or that i'm a fuck up. I'm always compared to ex-friends or cousins because they've gotten into great universities and are living their best lives while I hide in my blankets all day wondering if it'll ever get better. 
I've tried to run away once and lived with a friend for awhile but ended up coming back for some reason I still don't understand. I guess I was thinking they'd be different but I couldn't be anymore wrong. 
I have a boyfriend now and I feel like he's the only thing holding me back. Although I feel like my horrible mental health takes a toll on him and gives him a lot of stress. I feel like he would be better off without me. I feel like my parents would be happier people now if I was never born and i'm pretty sure they didn't want me in the first place, or so that's what they've insinuated. My boyfriend makes me happy but it's temporary before I fall right back into what feels like a dark cloud that follows me around; and sometimes it feels too much to handle so I just start crying at random times. 

The depression comes in waves and when i'm at the high points I wonder if it's even real or i'm just faking it for attention because my parents don't care. Is this common? I've been dealing with it since sometime in middle school so i've just thought it was normal and something everyone dealt with.

I just don't know what to do anymore...I've been telling myself that it's gonna get better but it never does and i'm starting to think it never will. I don't want to die but I just want to be happy like everyone else. ",2.571291058394163,3.8412847445255487,3.8891354927007313,90.05552805656937,75.03406326034063,6.59735401459854,23.54934610705596,7.04035,0.6859543187347934,1534,44,337,15,32,504,200,411,0.105,0.725,0.16899999999999998,0.985,5,1,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,5,7,22,27,2,1,14,0,30,3,1,4,7,80,71,34,1,12,18,4,7,8,2,6,1,0,0,0,20,21,0,1,16,0,0,5,11,8,0,1,9,7,48,19,39,48,10,54,0,3,0,1,19,23,1,13,34,211,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532517147014104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131920534988693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308451931047677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560317046570334,0.0,0.0,0.06923781899638133,0.16999811712858665,0.0,0.08984620125587657,0.0,0.06270805762273557,0.0,0.07733717255847296,0.19552872447029304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513581437550752,0.0,0.0,0.12696149158391135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883856060567017,0.0,0.08094925846021526,0.1425793535147724,0.0759751465821699,0.06347242433419002,0.0,0.07648260481424604,0.0769944117419858,0.0,0.0,0.06449000437257438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615617742191667,0.0,0.06527089746756884,0.0,0.0,0.048674107712655665,0.06666032666141919,0.06209026590796135,0.1408353063655043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26083285305517817,0.3158815031070628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268397023740903,0.0,0.0,0.17080710908792027,0.06812879756884248,0.0770040134783536,0.07069387748761373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124775450979642,0.08118210879578887,0.0,0.0,0.15689699505489238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833314030598687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786162229042104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312979722986436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050022502302498,0.06007034181577224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880248291611026,0.0,0.19521911845443868,0.0,0.0,0.08244459308004219,0.0,0.06265189501715503,0.0,0.0,0.04919123208538572,0.0,0.07403539997969279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426609041971889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882174588836458,0.0,0.1083469511147054,0.0,0.1705117724897855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220434828497763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848156902385625,0.0,0.11209502150320576,0.0,0.0,0.2454849727354349,0.0,0.0,0.05109005221498978,0.0,0.0769944117419858,0.0,0.06966452940539491,0.0,0.0,0.07497316168068156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783825044810907,0.0,0.08387976046052027,0.0,0.07576957454909716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293416439370512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458213322126947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096033280068225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673314334893105,0.14577024834975116,0.0,0.10432180440411838,0.0,0.05885202171214365,0.0,0.08441608187620428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945560262855972,0.0,0.05540862074734198,0.0,0.12882338537515095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791786857294976,0.09444011564243047,0.0,0.05850470301930759,0.04297148964091737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003330198313294,0.0801577714692433,0.0,0.07671792014748892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303996658943964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710382632448643,0.15983572214761416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470002517917762,0.08057268083785178,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flyingcucu,2019/02/24,"I can't start over yet again. Car has been repoed. I'm being evicted.Going to lose my job and more. I have no food, toilet paper or bus money. I give up 1800+ days in residential/ psych wards and I can’t go back. There is no point I can’t start my life over yet again.  Ive worked so hard to  get off of disability and now everything is in shambles. Car was repossessed this week  and I am being evicted.  I will lose my job because I can’t get to work I no longer have this disabilit to fall back on
Trying to make something of my life was the worst decision I ever made.  Spent 1800+ days in residential units or psych wards    
 I’ve endured  physical and sexual abuse by the staff paid to take care of me.I’ve moved over 50 times to a different states
 The only thing that has kept me alive has been my cat and now that I can’t provide her a home I give up 

I don’t have the will or energy  to start over again 
I have no idea what to do, who to call or  how to get help
I am alone and I am scared
",0.7602777777777803,2.4202129907407404,2.6618148148148184,95.2146666666667,81.12962962962962,6.171851851851853,18.20740740740741,7.1686216300943375,-0.05877703703703707,770,16,188,10,20,257,116,216,0.14400000000000002,0.8059999999999999,0.05,-0.957,5,1,1,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,13,5,0,1,6,0,28,3,0,3,1,18,45,13,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,7,1,1,2,0,3,5,10,4,0,0,8,1,24,1,26,33,2,35,0,2,0,0,6,12,0,4,17,120,31,8,0.0,0.16813522771893774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146971664109361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182336787599125,0.0,0.08650448908138048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490173894865044,0.0,0.14468247167749013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303506743667625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826141020461425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836196565331864,0.0,0.0,0.12753582790263546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715931171865054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224198491438732,0.2722580439803623,0.161296729634976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711976851491735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511650005628867,0.0,0.1423431379179558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019443189179633,0.0,0.0,0.28163931952907584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046459712076609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175126962396708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427474647799212,0.09472325684001197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508234609764537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107925793502226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414689634224974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420725115977236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924605627795543,0.0,0.0,0.3013250731989868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066955388531642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427594126898893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274644235357158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634475725421383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382831329879445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661829788579547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,secretcuriousbruh,2019/02/24,"What angers me the most No family member would realize or wonder what happened, no work place I've counted hours at would think much on my absence, co-workers would talk about it for a week,  and my dog would be sad for a several months but I know I would be able to find her a safe home before anything happened.  

I'm so angry.  

I don't want to put this much effort in anymore.",6.133461538461539,4.919797602564104,6.538076923076925,82.9194230769231,66.56410256410257,9.338461538461539,31.038461538461537,8.07648339933343,1.985015384615384,295,9,63,3,4,96,60,78,0.189,0.763,0.048,-0.8514,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,16,15,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,8,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,3,40,11,1,0.16987850922900793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847383343804134,0.0,0.0,0.13979553850841536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455409921046564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601463397009611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526587982662945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004460093576388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040199580370227,0.0,0.16729611217076962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336078596543748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559540533107844,0.0,0.2497605015102262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748688534672766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707748225342427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191436143357346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365419108347159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885128932038676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019874614367433,0.0,0.13626629318979566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422599672682,0.2473471559239956,0.0,0.0,0.6033840945187314,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,My_Unseen_Light,2019/02/24,"I cant take it anymore I fuck everything up constantly.  My girlfriend is probably going to leave me.  She was the only person who kept me from taking my life and with that gone I don't know what to do.  I've lost my friend from when I was a little kid last year because I flipped out.  I can't eat, sleep, or do anything.  I just want to stop living.  On September 5th, 2022 my 20th birthday I plan on disappearing and taking my own life if I don't improve.  I don't know who I am anymore.

sorry for the rambling",1.3073831775700953,3.140021654205608,3.360570093457945,90.02683644859816,80.12149532710279,6.149158878504673,23.78411214953271,7.1686216300943375,0.8870306542056072,395,14,86,5,10,134,71,107,0.131,0.823,0.046,-0.7511,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,3,0,11,5,1,0,0,12,22,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,5,4,1,2,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,5,0,19,1,11,17,1,13,0,1,0,1,7,5,1,2,5,56,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679867341502768,0.0,0.0,0.15267327458127164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309580499361305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004892520525822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898408873795061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674009956415173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333803938217307,0.17151712808316827,0.0,0.0,0.10543951923548926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392205735473493,0.15122962504665494,0.0,0.1964467701708099,0.0,0.0,0.2620870341510785,0.0,0.18594723398533836,0.1638241279218184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025251160733904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110197777395986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199540386949535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002995863272893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856614249974792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768277894074794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510924662329234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184806355358232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942889054911747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947358815292147
suicidewatch,Redacted23,2019/02/24,"Goodbye I just hurt people and nothing’s gonna fix that. I’m not even pulling the strings half the time, and it’s all his fault.",-0.7721428571428568,1.3918989285714325,0.20428571428571551,106.06571428571432,95.42857142857142,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.7713857142857141,102,4,25,0,4,31,24,28,0.225,0.775,0.0,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622950146007967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872064259948114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263236964981759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802775661026144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31984883130844216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bigstrongdepreessed,2019/02/24,"Just got out of the military and feel so lost I am so lost i dont know where to begin. I was in the military for 5 years and got married to my highschool sweetheart. About 3 to 4 years into my enlistment i started suffering from depression, anxiety, and ptsd. They also diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I just got out a few months ago me and my wife bought a home and then i started using my GI bill to go to school. Finances are good, almost everything should be what others would considered good. Yet i feel so fucking worthless all the time. I've continued my therapy and medication through the VA too. I feel like i pinpointed the issue and that is i rushed into this marriage. Deep down i knew this but TRULY opening up to my counselor and not with holding helped me realize i would rather die than face the thought of hurting people around me that i love especially her. Its so fucking true why should i chase happiness if it hurts good people....ive gone to the va ER crying 3 times in 4 months and called the crisis line 2 times already. Ive put a loaded gun in my mouth a few times to tell myself i have to work up to it, i need to get comfortable with it before ill have the balls to fire. So after ALOT of truthful talking with my drs i decided i should TRY before i give up. I confronted my family and then her. I love her she is fucking amazing like really she is god damn great i did imagine a life with her with kids and everything but i have fallen out of love for over a year and thought it was just the marine corps messing with my head and that moving home and getting house will fix how i feel but it hasnt and i become the very person i hate and had an affair. Everyone fucking hates me for feeling this way too, saying I'm not right and blaming my ptsd and meds. I've been cut off by family. I left her yesterday in our house after the talk. I stayed with a local friend for a night and i honestly did feel relief... but today, today is different. I can't forgive myself. Her crying voice. Her saying she has nothing without me. I cant stop thinking i DESERVE to be dead. Everyone hates me. I can't even fucking suck up the unhappiness to please those i love. Why do i have to be this way. Now im drunk alone in a downtown ive never been in before. I feel so lost.",2.0080511119781552,4.054329530042922,3.657621927428796,87.70282383925091,78.8068669527897,6.811470932500976,24.11022239563012,7.84624498591911,1.3126454935622325,1795,63,368,30,44,597,233,466,0.185,0.64,0.175,0.2265,1,1,0,1,0,1,41.0,1,0,1,4,20,41,12,0,24,0,35,19,3,2,4,78,78,34,2,8,12,1,8,2,2,6,6,3,2,2,16,34,1,2,16,2,3,6,9,21,1,0,18,11,70,20,58,51,4,60,0,8,0,9,32,25,7,3,28,251,86,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268649728019365,0.0,0.07081302266626065,0.07324165264783655,0.07803814675638515,0.056552488898916335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409843536567252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295326708556917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810154945950443,0.18052528888089975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221012905077794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535896366133248,0.0,0.0,0.0609085880044137,0.07177643084152922,0.07339324935200219,0.0738843829052973,0.08104799429518462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287998718555048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670801854901973,0.0,0.0,0.13514655760944708,0.12711205066642695,0.0,0.1333316933274561,0.0,0.2502970534275932,0.05052035466000852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463590393672251,0.3268843837213802,0.07389359679953071,0.06783834560433147,0.040190192840051264,0.1779426009880414,0.16967692375204466,0.07796592075427122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527973392518852,0.0,0.2094556705557959,0.07257621010978241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740022303222263,0.0,0.1418701588141845,0.0,0.0,0.16319622055128702,0.15140836904802896,0.0,0.07638667008177008,0.07381034422849321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886430281952698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683440342444325,0.0,0.04994962287282317,0.06909766657898647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315884080929219,0.0,0.2552999987354785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855082493473209,0.0712401008883512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289152804849875,0.07516115168813937,0.0,0.052435879566241135,0.054541434906183586,0.0,0.0,0.06636326602145719,0.0,0.06785502418771447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049026376007046304,0.061747498166945664,0.0,0.0776262079065881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532915609245524,0.07109028001733884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530322479115874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060392069952705775,0.0,0.11247425119677627,0.0,0.07156954334919953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001079424802242,0.07537508547009576,0.0,0.05912271393368576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136795521880413,0.06180991656972457,0.0,0.08087123780438006,0.0,0.0,0.045312701973284325,0.0,0.11228305488259424,0.16494298340923566,0.0,0.13406320166327376,0.0,0.0,0.04801231099895955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107692259474826,0.0,0.05834906474716025,0.0,0.11226398315919776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762247870121776,0.0,0.0,0.06816882061648039,0.0,0.05148293617053354,0.0,0.0,0.10047088581513608,0.0,0.0,0.1366186013168755
suicidewatch,DepressedInNashville,2019/02/24,"Reasons why I'm planning on ending my life \-My job brings me nothing but embarrassment and shame.  I want a real job, one that makes me happy. One that I can feel pride from. I want an office job, a 9-5 job, something that pays well, something that I can feel proud and excited of when people ask me what my job is.

\-I have no friends. Partly due to the awful industry I work (restaurants) which requires me to work weekends and nights, thus no way of gaining a social life.

\-My medication is garbage. This new antidepressant does nothing for me, and I'm tired of trying to find one that works.

\-I live with my parents due to the bills I am footing after my divorce. I'm 31 and living with my parents, it's absolutely pathetic.

\-I'm so bored. My old hobbies (video games and movies/TV shows) don't do anything for me any more. I can't find anything to do, so I spend my free time in bed listening to YouTube.

\-I wanted to be a great person. I want to be successful. I want a life that others could look up to. I'll never be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer, or anything amazing. I run a crappy quick-serve restaurant. I'm a glorified food slinger. I feel sick at the thought of successful people knowing what my job is. It should be me, but I have no idea how to do it.

\-I squandered my chance at a good college education. I chose a bullshit field (History) when I should have done a good major in the sciences so I could have the aforementioned good paying office job.

\-My therapy isn't working fast enough.

\-At 31, I still don't know what to do with myself, and it is too late to figure it out.

Is it going to happen tonight? No. But I know one day down the line, I will probably end my life. Despite the life changes I made, like moving to a new state, divorce, ad getting a new job, I can't find happiness. I've screwed up too much.

My dream is that life is like a game where it ends and you get to start a new one. A fresh start at a happy, normal life. That is the one thing that makes me smile these days.",2.2473844282238424,4.039741712895381,3.4761253041362536,90.4748205596107,77.1265206812652,6.318491484184915,24.798661800486606,7.1686216300943375,0.94367201946472,1568,55,336,18,36,509,203,411,0.116,0.6709999999999999,0.212,0.9924,10,0,2,0,2,1,78.0,0,1,0,11,11,22,1,2,28,1,34,14,1,6,1,49,64,20,0,10,6,2,3,2,1,3,11,1,1,1,24,12,1,1,13,6,5,4,10,4,1,6,3,5,49,19,37,52,5,43,0,0,1,1,12,12,1,3,27,212,73,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043949933412136585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955247055317875,0.0,0.0604193868623293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836890812805657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032019885807924,0.0,0.0,0.08336071142133672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066150515834726,0.05655726981016846,0.06613790147984648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172632230716825,0.06677902915000218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803508658293256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772091941078678,0.0,0.07814963833977125,0.0,0.04993220188754631,0.0,0.06753196575395487,0.0,0.0367301477269059,0.16262320629343607,0.0,0.07125369610356337,0.0,0.0,0.05715120760448905,0.2063963036145625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295826966522143,0.0,0.0,0.5130744478412561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655521780242927,0.0,0.0729043223786833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195455976104705,0.06314892568769831,0.0,0.1141371748169845,0.0,0.054272079299583935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061153518552927125,0.08628071318695482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651069140206067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686903945899609,0.047509748269682975,0.0,0.04984586586370285,0.24967634774774064,0.0,0.06064993453275923,0.06332269391436912,0.12402652917573545,0.0,0.06781725939493184,0.0,0.2627656812654857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352570316818755,0.06998690447409127,0.0,0.08961121636913992,0.056431546334323915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696809885293377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356194638429002,0.0,0.06644937169514872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588112236485394,0.0,0.09950911701066678,0.0,0.0,0.09148947183629744,0.0,0.05161279958391682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390888924654458,0.0,0.042936633095283686,0.0,0.0,0.05130820358935991,0.037685687222557794,0.07428152343954388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043878845834860736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059928120895944,0.05129948868693897,0.0,0.0,0.058109228914645324,0.0,0.05831761637254752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882027148746721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,analog_browser,2019/02/24,"What am I living for? Social-wise: I've almost no friends, I know a few from high school to college, but they're all busy with their errands. And right now I'm nowhere near them. Last time I went back to my home country and none of my high school friends contacted me, I even posted on Facebook but none said hi.

Career-wise: I'm a foreign visual art graduate with an avant-garde, conceptual major, and it is unlikely to get a job with that degree. Best way to utilize it is to continue graduate school, but I can see my parent's uneasy faces when I proposed it (my 4yr college is already a really big chunk of their finances). Right now I can only work in the States as a training, and it has to be related to my degree. So far I've found no jobs, and I can only volunteer at a museum so I don't get deported.

Relationship-wise: I knew a girl from a chatroom, we never see each other's faces, we kinda liked and loved each other, but she planned to stay in the States for a graduate degree, while my career is in limbo. I decided to smoothly end the relationship and it worked and she understands. I really wanted to have a girlfriend, but I'm jobless and broke, not good-looking either. I'm not sure if I should apologize in advance, but I'm also picky and only likes attractive girls (who doesn't)

Mental history: I might be almost-autistic, could be high-functioning autism or Asperger's Syndrome. I didn't know I have social anxiety and depression all my life until college mental health doctor steps in. Part of it is because of very demanding and isolated parents (we're a minority back home), leading to me focusing on grades rather than making friends. This explains why I didn't make connections with my high school friends, I'm just not aware that you have to build relationship. I'm still socially awkward now and veiled with smiles and jokes (think of Robin Williams).

And so I kept thinking that no one needs me besides my parents, what should I do? What should I live for?",4.632313101406363,5.983657349740933,5.468811991117693,80.40778497409326,70.06217616580311,8.830347890451517,30.10695780903035,9.23628265651192,2.643417024426351,1571,63,296,32,28,513,203,386,0.081,0.805,0.114,0.9486,6,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,2,1,3,6,14,14,0,1,15,0,26,6,2,3,4,64,53,31,0,8,14,3,1,2,5,4,3,1,2,2,16,24,0,1,9,3,1,4,13,3,0,1,7,4,40,11,39,38,11,39,1,2,2,1,29,16,0,5,16,192,56,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708362541141608,0.0,0.09206566807560836,0.06671791794429248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638227431173363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283030732153872,0.0,0.050857373889931265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755329541857806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666110449644019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185703504305113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853928309963866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389308374175467,0.0,0.0,0.05510388330501407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091475286245002,0.257827291186284,0.0,0.08717612653073158,0.0,0.0,0.06997605282374299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868082899060686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525880966495774,0.1673716188057972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558026441750354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170048629018067,0.06800554259873913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589281728366376,0.08151811774719678,0.0,0.14733817804086305,0.0,0.07005911347737352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529767786726899,0.0,0.11137863804160393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815305600122052,0.08850468872028397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186133940966682,0.06434537275873026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056533460419303634,0.190353905009942,0.0,0.0,0.2779131642351769,0.09034517464154078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990165277275478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689314981807224,0.0,0.0,0.26871367168784194,0.0,0.14249534356631308,0.07935981853996862,0.0,0.0,0.3377372783020961,0.13296377797396647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551352235261465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892391591158147,0.0666262842625653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863058208930374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691551126923764,0.0,0.0,0.048647958060052114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685224070602622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883743208695177,0.049208421137557884,0.06622183534576773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733926009063566,0.07528144408510923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147420486113115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tech008,2019/02/24,"I just came to the realization that everything which gave me enjoyment were just distractions to forget my shitty life My counselor asked me to list things which made me happy and i had nothing to say. When i went through the events in my life i realized i was just pretending to enjoy everyday life. Gaming, reading novels, programming and eating food were all just distractions that i had myself convinced were things worth living for. I don't actually feel any joy or a sense of satisfaction from anything. The activities which i mentioned just lessen the pain temporarily. What should i do? Should i just keep pretending or just off myself?",6.511491228070173,8.838464008771936,6.221929824561408,73.01517543859651,66.80701754385966,9.978947368421053,31.08771929824561,10.25414643259724,3.5989192982456135,523,21,84,14,9,163,72,114,0.102,0.7,0.198,0.9034,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,5,0,10,6,0,1,1,20,17,5,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,3,2,1,2,5,1,2,1,3,0,0,10,2,18,5,11,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,65,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.2069007236606985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144180722681037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447421587787598,0.0,0.198209876225892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24249414865535096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694916846410914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190549709545714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720357259761697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25637516278871936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256990011398189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845292455412552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492675280007084,0.0,0.0,0.18721735247658328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061824478246912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034386996732076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22560399726279745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207715823029968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860664102697884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817130452106221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654446266670925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toosharpthings,2019/02/25,"Most nights Most nights I like awake wondering if I owned a gun, how long would it be before I just put it in my mouth. My life isn't fucked up I'm married/house/career. Just something makes me want to quit. I don't get it.",-1.3008163265306116,0.7319156530612254,0.3848979591836734,104.77081632653065,96.55102040816324,3.6163265306122447,13.122448979591837,5.288315135182226,-1.4519469387755106,173,3,44,1,7,55,38,49,0.053,0.778,0.16899999999999998,0.6363,0,0,1,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,1,2,0,10,10,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,8,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,4,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445861369776761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657291589949641,0.15017299931180514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302394270116347,0.14042629246705413,0.0,0.0,0.2543710574171744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19186519061586504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5394768225780949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889517098777268,0.0,0.3057226567756833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128161669107133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695366951414257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31171115254691184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041856794074572,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonnatossawayanways,2019/02/25,"Will it get better? Everyday it’s a battle NOT to end it all I’m fucking bipolar 1. Been unmedicated 2 months now. Doesn’t make a difference. I hate meds. I tried to kill myself 2 years ago while I was on like 7 meds. And now I had a random seizure and I’m just so done. Spent the 3 hours getting tests done on my head and my legs and my heart. I have a chronic, constant headache and just don’t see why I should continue? 
I live off fucking SSA. I’m a shell of a person. All I do is smoke weed all day and hang out with my pets. Watch tv. At least I have my fiancée. I think she’s the only reason I’m still alive. I stay alive for her because I don’t want her to be in pain. That’s really the only reason. I have no future. I have no life. What’s the point. Oh and to make things better, I’ve had horrendous ptsd since I was drugged and raped 3 years ago. Life just is so great I can’t believe how wonderful it is",-1.153651942117289,0.8539780445544558,1.342970297029705,99.27200304645851,92.8118811881188,4.493830921553694,16.680121858339678,6.093298490706669,-0.5826182787509522,703,18,175,7,26,238,117,202,0.139,0.74,0.12,-0.6926,0,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,9,11,6,0,10,0,22,12,3,5,3,27,38,12,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,1,7,10,0,0,4,1,1,1,7,7,0,0,8,2,25,4,13,27,4,25,0,0,2,3,4,7,2,2,17,102,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23251493905091386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994844689583015,0.0,0.0,0.1477622924926288,0.0,0.2319848456052584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172766462748798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458156058970087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702490594786754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684260643131445,0.0,0.0,0.15209355007947167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616087952717508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24249401659163,0.13704199390260305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459446690089292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948448386331318,0.13459878763679298,0.0,0.0,0.15541459483995898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129157340221849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509917635207814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852716936149528,0.06407376560442178,0.0,0.11580875693977195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508865377262398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913584434373713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468349605751062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949252720019295,0.1395539363100233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451601537616993,0.0,0.0,0.12398010938333184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330852863078287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401870425175541,0.2696901915710955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451038590222196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848948228289627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397895413241902,0.10473737713552604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713091267445565,0.08403628049640069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904293627795205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773562719274141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834339987168176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422276909380115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891391892807248
suicidewatch,TricksterGenie,2019/02/25,"I'm scared of what's to come. I keep on thinking certain thoughts when I try and I end up not being what I could be. I think the only skill I have is in chemistry. I think I should seal off my room and gas myself out with phosphine. I suppose the only thing keeping me safe from myself right now is the upcoming school musical. lord knows what I'll start thinking after. I just want to wait forever, or just to fall into a friends arms and never let go. I don't want them to let me be myself.",1.738547008547009,3.3489773846153814,3.212820512820514,92.60995726495727,78.03846153846155,5.776068376068378,23.09401709401709,6.42735559955562,0.4392042735042741,384,12,85,3,9,126,72,104,0.03,0.858,0.112,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,4,0,11,1,1,0,2,27,26,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,4,6,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,18,3,14,18,0,17,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,6,61,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769184144096644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554289643671933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242073722183868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040234271996133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106360236029314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460650841457314,0.0,0.0,0.10698609835401768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39812860290446295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014228728967152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961121571230709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662479825192329,0.0,0.0,0.19489964591377668,0.1970174594271233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778914586403435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933077176491864,0.4989493018837167,0.0,0.15454704036428926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216884014596325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964401593287634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodluckiam7sorry,2019/02/25,I think i’m going to do it I can’t take the isolation anymore the constant rejection the laughs i tried so hard at everything school fitness social skills and i’m really good but it just isn’t enough. I don’t want to see March. If I do it I wish you all the best of luck in life and I hope it gets better somehow,-0.7362318840579718,1.3881478405797123,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550724,92.33333333333334,5.385507246376811,17.81159420289855,6.937597516519254,0.09570724637681227,247,7,58,4,9,84,48,69,0.069,0.5720000000000001,0.359,0.9744,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,15,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,8,6,5,15,3,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,4,2,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018339315795096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647411029102452,0.2231117260278289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27261353040912045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606616585138487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267234115424304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180031530995792,0.0,0.1433704764178,0.2115915490478767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598377307895706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25056037042714874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818529153782892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161019548775152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553100346598396,0.20102599827711054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25715681762612275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896751443336766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164400343990173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712743188179146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879498963627327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29009728495011217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilovedogs98,2019/02/25,"I am so unhappy I want to die I’m writing this from a residential treatment center where I’ve been for three months. Before that I was in a rehab place for two months and in the hospital four times last year and once in 2017.  I’ve tried Prozac, Zoloft, clomipramine, Luvox, abilify and latuda. I’ve been diagnosed at different times with autism, bipolar disorder, depression, OCD, BDD, BPD, PTSD, insomnia, epilepsy, and psychogenic seizures. My medicine caused me to start having seizures or possibly my illness manifested itself as psychogenic seizures. When I was on latuda and abilify I had acute Dystonia. I have been through so many fucking treatments from PHP to five hospitalizations to rehab to therapy to residential treatment to antipsychotics to antidepressants and I’m still the same in terms of wanting to die all the time and kill myself. I think the only improvements are I’m slightly less psychotic and have less feelings of wanting to injure other people.

I’m so lonely and sad. I just cry randomly throughout the day. I try to make friends on Reddit and Omegle. I just want to die at this point. Nothing is helping me",6.166754926108371,8.398935093596062,5.866499384236455,75.6005372536946,67.52216748768473,9.212931034482759,34.85498768472907,9.673873057562805,3.723049507389163,916,45,149,21,16,284,124,203,0.185,0.775,0.039,-0.9868,1,2,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,7,0,12,10,0,2,1,26,25,16,4,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,6,1,15,1,29,19,5,24,0,3,0,1,3,12,1,2,12,95,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111811333741715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792681874662974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621907809790374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635026553923295,0.09179544571699402,0.0,0.1225944571678426,0.14446883214276496,0.4431693062778348,0.1487116367695075,0.1631302775306588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196975102015102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996904056471513,0.131588056436519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540534106370868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747455442468608,0.0,0.0,0.11602347041319025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501090368273203,0.14430715089122825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272237143135067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657597604792415,0.0,0.0,0.15158402177144453,0.0,0.10825353258959082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986783990634432,0.0,0.1487116367695075,0.0,0.13455426125431902,0.16046332918877398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638407496577765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100746703122254,0.0,0.1136703337033866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277450888208156,0.0,0.0,0.09120365917562358,0.0,0.0,0.2489931573348212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327465623943066,0.0,0.13904234845279226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358156747676099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166021747353907
suicidewatch,I_LOVE_YOGA_PANT,2019/02/25,"I’m going to kill myself on my 20th birthday if I haven’t found a girlfriend by then What’s up I’m 18 years old so this is a ways off but I just wanted to get it off my chest. 

I’m 18 and I literally have never so much as held hands with a girl. You might think kisless virgin is a meme or something that doesn’t exist but nope, I’m one. I’ve had one girlfriend, for a brief time but apparently she didn’t quite understand my intentions and found another boyfriend while I was under the impression we were dating 

On Friday I went on a date from Tinder that I felt went really well but nope she ghosted me 

I’ve literally never had a girl express romantic interest in me.

I’m physically attractive, my personality is good, I wouldn’t consider myself overly friendly or nice but at my core I’m a good person. I’m a welder so I make stacks of cash, drive a fairly nice car and have a fairly nice place. I’m not exceptional in any regard but I’m a good solid guy who didn’t really get the short end of the stick in any aspect of life. 

I don’t even necessarily want sex I just want an actual relationship. Someone I can bring to my family because they all think I’m gay. Nothing against gay people I’m just not gay and it’s sort of annoying when people don’t understand that I literally can’t get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try 

Others can just get into relationships like it’s a normal thing but I just can’t for some reason. 

If I don’t get a relationship by the time I’m 20 I fear I will turn into an incel or ‘nice guy’ who blames women in general for his problems, and I don’t want this to happen.

Therefore I will be killing myself the day after my 20th birthday if, by this point, I have not had a relationship. 

Even something that lasts a week that I can call a real relationship would be satisfactory to me. 

Unfortunately there isn’t anything anyone can do except just hope that I find a relationship in the next two years haha 

Not sure why I’m posting this in the first place. Apologies for spelling mistakes as I am drunk on a Monday night and writing this from my phone. 
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suicidewatch,komawii,2019/02/25,"You are the voice in my head.   

Us.

As long as I remember you have been there for me. As long as I remember, you have been lurking in the back of my mind, and we are us, we are one.

You are the voice telling me that a tiny cut on my wrist is going to be such a sweet release. You are the voice in my head telling me to fill the sink with water and try dumping my hair dryer while my head is in the water. You are the voice telling me to park my car near the bridge and jump out. You are the voice telling me to get in the bathtub and slice long and hard, so deep as to see that pretty colour guzzling out of my disgusting skin. You are the voice telling me that we are together in this, we are *one, and we will always be one*. You are the voice telling me I have no one, that I can call no one because no one will care like you do, and that no matter what I do, people will never quite like me. 

But it doesn't matter because you are here, and we are one.

Why are you here? I know you feel comfortable just sitting there in the recesses of my mind, and I know I'm attached to you because you and I, we have always been a team, the team trying to hit the next checkpoint till we can call it quits. But why did you move in the first place? I feel like you are poison, and you should not be here. 

Tonight, you are the one telling me that the morphine the doctor gave us for our back pain, the morphine sitting on our pretty kitchen counter should be ingested as soon as possible, as fast as possible, as much as possible. But I think you are wrong. I keep hearing you and it is hard to ignore you, but I think you are wrong. I have so many things I want to do, so many books I want to read, so many projects I want to finish and new ones I want to start, so please, fall asleep and let me live. Please let me live. ",4.2606321022727265,3.680742283854169,4.615189393939391,93.06238636363638,70.171875,8.023484848484847,26.82954545454545,6.980632752743323,0.8509000000000002,1383,36,342,10,22,436,142,384,0.071,0.846,0.083,0.6887,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,13,23,0,5,15,14,4,0,23,0,47,14,7,0,1,52,67,36,0,6,6,0,6,3,0,5,4,8,1,0,12,25,4,2,8,4,0,6,7,8,0,10,5,17,73,6,43,50,1,39,0,0,2,0,49,15,0,0,19,249,85,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544938706450752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668858863292427,0.0,0.12686916936397233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141677142654919,0.0,0.07073137744324139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100718938415665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015511893793555,0.04956077207056328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900945634720337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03624503166200683,0.0,0.03942682113422497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429088642290563,0.0,0.21359309715081265,0.0,0.07818949673533569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166276466326628,0.0,0.0,0.07625223008359625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418791520514954,0.0,0.10167784035688167,0.0,0.12251695826909473,0.18418131899012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100292534430426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009584996375465,0.0,0.0,0.07373354230083468,0.05099784408949441,0.0,0.053505476000282166,0.06700180446651012,0.07377999525448542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230863264896996,0.0,0.07381878643285562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809517001776615,0.0,0.07248102443830001,0.1523035545831586,0.0,0.23462615442278464,0.0,0.14115651879267008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757549526756258,0.06939273523798956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157174349827472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528206556490618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910324712786383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244513018960059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046088977527131716,0.08890406686622135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420073227965857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034500225451056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367424001472747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519841993504927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169907313372144,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myzdral,2019/02/25,Where am I I need to kill myself to find out if I am already dead and in Hell. If I REALLY die it means that I was alive but if I end up here again that means I already died and have to live in hell for all eternity. I need to find out. ,0.7739090909090933,1.1836361636363648,3.0743181818181817,97.51147727272728,78.27272727272727,6.954545454545455,19.204545454545453,7.1686216300943375,-0.13763636363636378,179,3,50,2,4,62,33,55,0.35100000000000003,0.621,0.028,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,15,8,6,4,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,0,10,7,1,9,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,3,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635897582943202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359964984015405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604153723910094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839629294076344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323886830966431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547758293948016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576110317698198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114981293693376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345631072996241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CuirtSwuf,2019/02/25,"Life isn’t good so bye It’s just not good at all and everyone hates me there is no one that “cares” and i got nothing anymore and no one. Fuck it, im doing it this week. ",-2.600769230769231,-0.9039553076923036,0.25782051282051377,104.7913461538462,102.07692307692308,3.6256410256410256,14.192307692307693,5.46131890053228,-1.2289692307692306,129,3,35,1,6,44,30,39,0.227,0.588,0.185,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720830766789745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797197510080339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621547204693682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536336426353486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46022622794846996,0.21942404504234392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708654157213025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29634681781154715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378265570946332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26324776913339665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718155024717576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006831293688056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iheardacrimego,2019/02/25,"Mom is dying of cancer. I can't deal with it anymore. She is terminal and probably has months to live. This has been going on for years. At one point we thought she might be cured, only for it to come back. Chemo isn't working as expected anymore. She's likely about to stop treatment for good, and the cancer will grow unabated.

I'm so tired. I know it's only going to get worse from here. Life will be miserable after she's gone and I'll never recover. Every time I say this to someone they come back with ""oh your mom would want you to be happy"" and other stuff. So what? That doesn't bring me any comfort. The reality is she'll be gone, and I'll be devastated. I'm just ready to die. I haven't decided if I'll do it before or after she's gone. I know I should wait to make it easier on her, but I can't really take this pain much longer.",0.27991620111731663,2.4090105530726262,2.666980446927376,91.88259357541901,85.92737430167597,6.0381005586592185,17.888547486033517,7.365786028017652,0.2844567597765355,655,16,147,11,20,224,108,179,0.13699999999999998,0.802,0.061,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,2,1,1,7,6,0,1,2,0,23,5,0,1,1,27,41,11,2,5,4,2,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,0,12,10,0,2,4,0,0,9,6,2,0,1,5,1,19,4,22,25,1,22,0,1,0,0,15,4,0,3,10,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928208842036514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895770259128068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452337664809344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423159513452248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515247516518356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505151651685043,0.0,0.0,0.30304099206135154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230076814446896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627673212052853,0.0,0.16594545161739602,0.12245427385918532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541514684402902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047084692648164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312108676285073,0.0713261288132671,0.0,0.12891688567497697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745326932888948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487837557334086,0.0,0.34197681937715885,0.11653238191928368,0.0,0.10732364448218734,0.0,0.11260089101075214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893047071160203,0.2220726307895224,0.15534972767325966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801313484138678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157408067027418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352858951949808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610164751173713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370169032987002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205894984900854,0.0,0.0,0.16713015745951496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097706036608347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159042849435181,0.08513127189355432,0.16780059048025073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611205169480607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628661483921688,0.0,0.14878210007478312,0.1037111627415329,0.0,0.0,0.09401644983845006
suicidewatch,karmachameleonnnnn,2019/02/25,"Isn’t sticking around for loved ones just delaying the inevitable? I know that it’s great to stay around in order to make sure that people won’t be hurt. It’s one of the few reasons I haven’t actually ended it yet.

I also realize that staying just gives the opportunity for more introductions, and more people to possibly hurt by dying later. Why would I want to stay around and make more memories with people who I’m just going to hurt later when I inevitably kill myself at some point?

I feel like it would be more considerate to just get it over now. That way, everyone around me would have far less fond memories to look back on. I don’t want to leave them with anything happy. It would be easier if they remembered me as a depressed, sad, messed up person.

I’m at my wits end with people telling me it gets better, because for me it’s only continued to get progressively worse.",5.600341565948504,6.245178797687862,6.299705727798218,77.90881240147138,67.38150289017341,9.527903310562273,28.444035733053074,9.573946990214177,2.4181260115606937,704,22,135,14,11,231,104,173,0.142,0.6859999999999999,0.172,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,3,13,15,1,0,4,0,12,1,0,3,1,31,27,6,2,7,5,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,0,2,15,8,28,19,7,28,0,5,1,1,7,12,0,2,11,93,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.1057977979414352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669976166091209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921664221778754,0.3860507898671231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336475575740172,0.0,0.06608902571927662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958846170436864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337803102749996,0.0,0.11251807568915702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920477420817958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035955672523576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548180872043856,0.07745198829138394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992772614052745,0.10400193713629508,0.061614974127253835,0.0,0.0,0.11952836875404795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154102165313504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481828058901685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994558456242513,0.0,0.05958227227794163,0.0,0.0,0.11479626186860492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296629149630666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104163660704734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784913747103574,0.0,0.1447362518174946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693017094186875,0.0824548022684897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006463692522381,0.09466415145407296,0.0,0.0,0.10248760239695298,0.12222208147021855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146909476679524,0.0,0.0,0.122813521601429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466691956091824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218023787992944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475984415919614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789243177217674,0.08605510360830118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782804171314233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048456173227536,0.3080607776468678,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Suiciding_rn,2019/02/25,"I think I’m just gonna overdose and post a goodbye Welp, it was great living for 16 hrs. Cya guys",-1.4924242424242422,0.4767794545454542,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,95.36363636363636,2.9333333333333336,16.424242424242426,3.1291,-1.2938666666666665,76,2,19,0,3,25,21,22,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.194,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5314610042720725,0.0,0.47730454909418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42565832279666216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616699345705149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088776976405236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pikachusasshole,2019/02/25,"I want to fall asleep and never wake up I keep telling people I’m getting better, but it’s not true. Earlier this year I OD’d on Tylenol (80 extra strength pills) and fell asleep for five hours before waking up to excessive vomiting. At that point, it didn’t hurt; I was just so tired that I could barely open my eyes. I was sixteen and living with my dad at the time. He heard me stumble into the kitchen to throw up in the trash bin (although I still can’t recall even going into the kitchen) and asked me what was wrong. I, in my delirious state, told him the truth. That triggered the worst experience of my life. The hospital and inpatient place was brutal— they treated me like a criminal, despite this being the first ‘bad’ thing I had ever done in my life. They yelled at me. At that point, I felt even worse about myself, so much so that the self-loathing was completely unbearable. I’ve been abused my whole life and I want all of it to end. The world is so cruel. I want to feel loved but no one will ever love me; I don’t love me. Everything is now so devoid of color and I can’t motivate myself to do anything. I want to have fun and feel safe. I’m so nervous that I can’t even go outside without feeling thousands of eyes staring me down and ridiculing me.  Today I had to rush into the bathroom to cry because someone called me a ‘bitch’ in the hallway for accidentally hitting them with my case. I am that fragile now. It’s all so overwhelming. At the same time, I don’t want to die — I just want love. I want someone to hug me and tell me it’ll be okay. I’m so scared. If I try again, I’ll hang myself this time. I can’t constantly worry about everything anymore... my weight, my mannerisms, my friends... it’s all so scary. I want to fall asleep and never have to experience any of this ever again. It hurts so badly.",2.6321459003564907,4.29542819407008,3.7717589774802214,89.33679853925743,75.68463611859838,6.727797582818887,24.905747326319453,7.4822170145007005,1.0810468828797497,1424,48,302,18,31,462,187,371,0.203,0.65,0.147,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,1,2,50.0,0,0,3,4,25,27,3,3,15,1,27,22,7,2,10,52,54,25,1,10,7,1,6,1,1,2,7,2,2,0,20,17,3,2,5,0,0,8,12,12,0,4,13,12,52,15,42,35,8,50,0,3,4,5,17,22,1,1,20,209,72,1,0.0,0.1080015359460592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198724405312549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039939662345683,0.0,0.0,0.07501124699260536,0.0,0.08521585786842581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221808730921058,0.05556609292274983,0.0,0.07756458722047904,0.0,0.0,0.08061752284173446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307752206378626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955723069396762,0.09850413470416107,0.0,0.07277834522451049,0.0,0.10012741673558094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460254227063117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328128445038088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073460431577202,0.0,0.0,0.1806173185479975,0.24735963371319536,0.0,0.0,0.16384508456088973,0.1783304749919272,0.0,0.0,0.1382692615435775,0.0,0.08752128522971933,0.0,0.0,0.07753479315300345,0.0,0.0,0.07042467062438257,0.0,0.04762374044259342,0.0,0.10360883189080508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976745699354909,0.0,0.19516259001282016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102107694871631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315242277521927,0.044532807724517384,0.0,0.0804898706508725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290769809935703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700802782290784,0.0,0.14060580357919122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176770986449909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319409277463649,0.0,0.09523560434577223,0.0,0.17233831415244713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126017002170568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509257882284453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446747727133692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279499547978434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934368069703228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060558079338565884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945634337612155,0.10476709666216362,0.0864024948770034,0.08710070777530729,0.0,0.06188698171687981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301157519346768,0.0,0.0,0.1109999374204239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176919776281908,0.0,0.08786835016637302,0.0,0.0,0.09257041307890383,0.0928928117327994,0.0,0.09966162192479568,0.0,0.05869961756313145
suicidewatch,Global_Wonder,2019/02/25,"Hating myself. Shit well guess I’m back here again. Really can’t escape this can I? Well I’m a 16 year old girl. I’ve had multiple personal issues for a long time. Started having mild suicidal thoughts since 6th grade and it’s only gotten worse since then. 

I’ve always had issues with my body but lately it’s been taking over. I hate every single part of me. I’m obsessed with my weight and keep trying to not eat as much without being caught but I haven’t stuck to that at all. I hate my eyes and how dead they look. I don’t know if it’s from the depression or how much I’m on my phone. My teeth suck and I’ve had braces for a long time. I hate how fat my face, thighs, arms pretty much every part on my body is. 

I hate my jaw cause it’s kinda  fucked up and my teeth are getting more crooked somehow. 
On top of all this, I have so much work but not the drive to do any of it. It all seems so boring to me. I’ve been doing better socially lately but it’s not enough. 

It feels like it’s burrowed it’s way into my brain and become a parasite where it used to be like clouding my brain and I thought I could knock it away if that makes sense. God if I could just trade places with anyone else I would. I’m getting really tired of it though.  ",-0.3262308478038811,1.83753186891386,1.5309976166155934,98.49688457609808,89.86142322097379,4.4348655090228135,14.457950289410965,5.941861826196647,-0.8844846441947567,967,17,226,8,33,316,147,267,0.213,0.705,0.08199999999999999,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,14,16,8,1,6,0,20,17,13,6,3,45,49,23,2,6,13,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,17,11,3,1,5,0,1,2,7,11,2,0,10,4,27,5,25,34,12,26,0,1,2,1,5,11,3,8,14,140,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078010966932536,0.0,0.0,0.06375603994506543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555508463487765,0.09606221051527013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808511423766482,0.07209115761932604,0.0,0.0,0.10354409762244174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291793069820608,0.0,0.20827946030910507,0.0,0.20932128529615968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631134231824612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497101268542586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075031578783373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593390568062167,0.0783195657138195,0.0,0.0,0.09687310353932226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579838372966545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047404917451466834,0.06697798662174577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667420498961524,0.09796535220663094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328077098594536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628140873365661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957099581565619,0.0,0.08333300015576542,0.0,0.0,0.05152483136406619,0.0,0.21151753956740735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160708824921823,0.0,0.0,0.1659389527095081,0.0787298770917027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258162606131698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756803638410479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837921387508064,0.0,0.0,0.07130425912967757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305322583489765,0.0,0.0,0.08186251133794514,0.09795313677210256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538168023095736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012262401578552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535026098739659,0.0,0.0,0.09623729218724993,0.15510881066299348,0.0,0.0,0.09557055365092933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635967301985897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255182797626486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049145624497716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211298066210656,0.14886065227345482,0.1093376027393545,0.10775660866607993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365291663941906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097348745824819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441768384984028,0.0,0.11416730251809735,0.1685924884171046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037565919712487,0.0,0.06825414099493189,0.0,0.09554349295429244,0.06660026133316138,0.0,0.0,0.06037460156976236
suicidewatch,FestiveAngela28,2019/02/25,** I hate living ** I really hate being alive. I don't want to be alive. Every day that I wake up seems worse than the last. There's no one on this planet that gives a s*** aside for my parents. And that's not enough. It's great and all but they feel the need to have to love me but in all reality if they were given the choice I'm sure that it would shows in a much better life and having someone that wants nothing more than to be dead. I know I'm not the only one that wants to be dead... Why don't we all want to be dead so badly? Why do we not want to be here so much? Why is it so hard just to be alive everyday? I hope I don't wake up tomorrow but you sad reality is that I will. I f****** hate my life I hate everything about it and I hope you hate yours too because no matter what we're all going to f****** die so this being alive bulshit it's just a short blip and what's to come.,-2.8164455364455354,-1.4332746565656542,0.14450177450177648,103.55792383292385,111.22222222222223,3.352661752661753,10.401856401856405,5.429586552531525,-1.6289914277914277,670,10,175,6,37,229,98,198,0.256,0.608,0.136,-0.9835,1,0,0,0,0,5,33.0,2,3,2,1,10,13,5,0,7,0,19,5,2,0,5,35,42,13,4,10,9,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,16,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,7,0,2,2,2,21,6,19,30,8,12,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,4,4,115,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992639468919944,0.07247114708089902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514405544552988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240883645134803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667094178596097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338378306808966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283990789388358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016567712402157,0.0,0.10684610521566036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011179038040841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140452533665426,0.06756504281556648,0.0,0.0,0.1310710499668924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649754178962427,0.5868712551088906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361591113983728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653360458967913,0.09690708157003952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679438773262374,0.0,0.0,0.10497756721120297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729828676131004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478819850465774,0.08815166580724602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407329227655386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111900444984126,0.09041734293539784,0.0,0.0,0.13200764058715328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616072744113682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822837108914282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073081150504344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204763525508764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506070460496989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218254614500191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211538956176949,0.08445244003722106,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buczfan,2019/02/25,"I just want it to end I should be fine. I shouldn't feel this way. I have a good job, I have friends and family that love me, I have a supportive wife. Everything should be great, but I'm in so much pain. I'm on antidepressants and in therapy, but it's not helping. I tried years ago, and ever since then I've had this fantasy where I succeeded. I just want to slit my wrists and have all the pain drain away with the rest of me. I just want the hurt to stop.",0.8642424242424234,2.474972595959599,2.5262626262626284,96.5427272727273,80.61616161616162,7.228282828282829,19.080808080808087,8.167268648758528,0.4077353535353536,353,8,90,7,9,116,62,99,0.183,0.63,0.187,-0.7627,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,5,0,10,4,1,0,2,21,18,8,0,6,6,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,13,7,9,12,3,12,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,59,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793419618236192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885915550052881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777863634127886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815709224303347,0.0,0.0,0.1804023317759099,0.0,0.1892294888627473,0.0,0.10149464156846913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508277015741131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836200801949425,0.0,0.22130449205067024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345444545482372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488460522387168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919261433584934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116580935009555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755895179101586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271797344766942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604514878091986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781847824242646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277849531525559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22955116839079756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362818523145763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35518559249359866,0.15932938089024104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926293042142106
suicidewatch,ImADiene,2019/02/25,"I have never wanted to die more than I do now but can’t think of a way to do it without destroying my parents lives There is nothing I want more than to kill myself. I have everything I need to make it happen but I just can’t bring myself to do that to my parents. I’m an only child and I am their world. When I kill myself I can only imagine what would happen to them. That worry is the only thing stopping me and I know it won’t be enough to stop me for long. I have nothing to live for and nothing in my life or future worth changing for. I just need to find a way to minimize how much it hurts them. 

I came to the realization today that my decision is inevitable and I hate myself all the more for being so selfish that I can’t hang on. ",2.251541666666668,3.221111737500003,4.138750000000002,89.1379166666667,75.375,6.583333333333335,23.333333333333336,6.816661863887847,0.6195833333333343,578,16,129,5,12,197,86,160,0.223,0.7290000000000001,0.048,-0.9874,2,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,3,0,7,6,4,0,6,0,18,1,0,2,2,27,31,10,3,5,6,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,5,0,2,5,0,1,3,6,6,0,0,1,0,28,0,22,26,6,16,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,8,105,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536942142118698,0.0,0.0,0.14370500879780473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098469276025746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403632328533825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208788660781372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415901465339035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24025291661014336,0.0,0.0,0.13411789059133228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542388148798938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30058266254392746,0.0,0.07465634565480843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959506807014478,0.0,0.0,0.2399055968615127,0.12021772301925193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067696842831427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998610184074963,0.20145330627901126,0.10477131767353892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39103813314475305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099465990658881,0.0,0.0,0.3016775168891642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22714344255602545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024876081315956,0.08704339189563795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876429006639606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024869861420946,0.2156533920147308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094883133391896,0.0,0.0,0.13795624233103715,0.0,0.09649972642621148,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yerrrboy3,2019/02/25,My depression is killing me I need help. I just need someone to talk to :( ,-0.09600000000000007,2.205669066666669,1.495000000000001,97.7025,91.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.4289999999999998,56,3,13,1,2,18,12,15,0.464,0.422,0.114,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35226175090591194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741368024727732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524858916649212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6065205368069649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465351749598938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32872998215832544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadboythrowaway29847,2019/02/25,"suicidal but not sad im not sad at all

tomorrow im going to fail 2 tests, and if they make me lose my scholarship, then im gonna kill myself. its nothing tragic about how cruel the world is. im just fucking stupid and sick of existing, and losing my scholarship would be the last straw

im not putting myself and my family in debt in order to chase a career that im not cut out for anyway",6.227857142857142,4.209735119047618,7.630952380952383,77.75571428571429,66.85714285714286,11.257142857142858,30.523809523809533,10.125756701596842,2.6453666666666664,306,8,67,6,4,107,60,84,0.34700000000000003,0.547,0.107,-0.9852,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,3,4,11,5,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,1,16,7,8,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,11,0,0,0,0,7,0,9,4,1,11,0,6,0,1,1,5,1,1,3,39,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706561563616886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460882907231073,0.0,0.0,0.07660281615437718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.873561478275022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912234717145806,0.0,0.0,0.10986976466263236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015853669416739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997167203179131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933219712801156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549861958125542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743559753306634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574913991572767,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunnytheseagull,2019/02/25,"Do you feel like empaths are suicidal? Correct me if I'm wrong but sometimes I feel like all people I've met that have felt suicidal share a common trait.   
A lot of them are empaths who can sense a great deal of emotions and feelings in others and empathically take on the pain and distress.   
Though sometimes it's internal feelings, maybe the overwhelming understanding of how others feel, even if it's disappointment and resentment they take on.   
For myself I felt the source of anytime I doubted my time living was taking on this pain... and I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same or disagreed? ",4.518849557522124,6.921449424778764,4.898415929203542,80.06992477876106,72.45132743362831,7.351858407079646,28.99911504424779,8.238735603445708,2.2490502654867264,487,20,84,8,10,154,77,113,0.251,0.6509999999999999,0.098,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,2,0,4,12,1,3,7,0,6,2,0,1,2,27,22,12,2,4,6,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,5,9,10,4,10,17,3,6,0,2,1,0,7,4,0,6,4,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910672305848836,0.14522765010447236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461259755628329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840417188830732,0.1594365231074835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361681805338452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583357455520271,0.2025157562714779,0.4082730200467733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626698893161226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849235914920147,0.0,0.1251575259189905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050084392190577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239518493743938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016391136967726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826349875346607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294708343310884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803656288455621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100774156876928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197087123434329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392571715133493,0.0,0.08264874932983485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755458105735655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360092850134747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496859329399398,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SevereRepresentative,2019/02/25,Endless amount of messups I just keep messing up tonight. I don't know why or what it is that forced me so far out of the groove. I work in a fast paced industry and I need to be on top of my game. I feel like I'm constantly letting my boss and myself down. It's to the point they're referring to the trainee as the tech and me as the trainee.  I don't deserve the opportunities I've gotten and I mostly just wish that I could die. I'm not worth the oxygen. ,0.9402555555555594,2.527408870000002,2.785333333333334,94.88322222222223,80.3,6.044444444444442,23.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.4682777777777778,357,12,87,4,9,119,67,100,0.113,0.813,0.07400000000000001,-0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,8,0,6,0,0,1,0,18,14,8,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,13,2,13,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,4,55,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394485058733305,0.0,0.2507965845351457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260034893157414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882681601856136,0.2244049969996628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792013106565374,0.0,0.0,0.17263029557695647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32120555592939404,0.0,0.15346152818692965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329135152737077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29694176503083186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344141824391017,0.0,0.3612186445274504,0.0,0.0,0.2286806617774536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sonictweeter,2019/02/25,"People care? No they don't. Read this. I'll keep it short. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past. Even tried it once and failed. I heard a local story today that a friend is being sued by a police officer. This officer saved him from jumping off a bridge. He grabbed the jumper after he let go. Apparently, this officer hurt his back in the process, and is now suing the jumper.

Are you kidding me???

Don't listen when people say they care. Because they don't.",0.6512087912087914,3.168776978021977,2.052087912087913,92.8179120879121,92.4065934065934,4.997802197802199,19.087912087912084,6.67199483983844,0.3032021978021979,359,11,73,5,13,115,65,91,0.163,0.701,0.136,-0.5661,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,1,4,6,0,0,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,16,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,4,8,4,6,11,0,13,0,2,0,0,13,5,0,0,6,44,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001523863848964,0.0,0.14271056909063828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477379106906466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462667346100575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087190036554807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304944242264116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25061834313826153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808668365008914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393921387623895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24931826214050795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348336701462432,0.3246031696190262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341721819307908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617273706786328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560770612596142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858562598230734,0.0,0.0,0.22190779603472446,0.0,0.0,0.1589445274188404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cuckine,2019/02/25,"This is hard I’m 15 and a sophomore in high school. I actually have a pretty average life, a couple friends and a mom who somewhat understands what I feel, and a boyfriend. I’ve always thought about killing my self since I was 10 but I’m too much of a pussy to do it. Today was really hard for me and I’m considering actually doing it.  I think I need help before it’s too late. ",0.4414444444444428,2.626075700000001,3.069166666666668,88.89027777777781,85.75,6.555555555555558,22.63888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.1480972222222219,296,11,66,6,9,103,56,80,0.077,0.815,0.108,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,14,5,1,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,7,1,5,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.39190901056974464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708396325471567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086833946766186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22218440929283906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153189733442812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513969658524998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597596215626022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459384195068794,0.21215911660129252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221584772212887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651423382158356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183291166944506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23517773880362025,0.0,0.0,0.1476131164413671,0.1488926852113386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042885735369034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286393752462432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032230903107077,0.0,0.0,0.20948104826460312,0.0,0.0,0.1661060991828919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866628588656406,0.0,0.15941494338892426,0.0,0.0,0.19033751554083952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090427310295353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,666tom,2019/02/25,I'm fucking tired I'm 18 turning 19 in April and honestly my plan is to wait till I'm 19 and get really fucked up legally (I live in Canada) so I'll legally be able to drink. I can't imagine a good life for myself. I'm diagnosed either bipolar or borderline personality disorder or possibly a mix of the two. I've attempted suicide multiple times but this time I really want to do it. I try to see the beauty in life but I can't find it. I'm on medication but I'm a drug addict who can't find peace or sobriety. ,-0.018066528066526644,2.134557837837839,3.6859459459459463,83.84413721413722,87.73873873873873,7.739708939708938,23.85377685377685,8.617729084823388,2.067946084546085,404,17,87,12,13,150,71,111,0.138,0.754,0.108,-0.5053,0,0,2,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,5,0,6,11,0,0,0,14,19,10,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,7,2,12,18,1,9,0,0,1,2,2,5,2,3,4,45,11,2,0.1841239448045649,0.0,0.0,0.2007222775519815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868819281980434,0.0,0.0,0.21102199249651946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037136919059135,0.21352532048963666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33657189972972634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404392400762017,0.09619716172481428,0.0,0.0,0.15443442920067674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26010437481484017,0.0,0.0,0.16258481656947554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548550356916252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607699266117215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075720826360764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359090276097314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467229454017428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140171109067564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472830580216615,0.21162338882637705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500807230913746,0.20027397942563366,0.17986233981848773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860107313264676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deathballer123,2019/02/25,"How have I gone so far.. I hate living like everything is okay, it’s not but I’ll never show it. There’s days when I feel like I rule the world and then there’s the ones I wish I would burn in hell. I haven’t eaten in the last 24 hours, I just don’t have an appetite. I have a brother and sister and the only reason I haven’t done the deed is so they don’t fall prey to this horrible thing called depression. I wish I could erase my existence. Hopefully when they’re older and more understanding I’ll be able to follow through. ",-0.09649810366624577,2.1276583451327475,1.7596270543615695,96.82303097345137,89.44247787610621,5.352465233881164,16.036030341340073,6.868970318607317,-0.27200581542351504,415,9,97,6,14,136,72,113,0.168,0.685,0.146,-0.7598,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,7,1,13,1,0,2,1,17,22,11,0,5,3,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,1,0,3,6,3,0,1,3,1,14,4,5,16,1,15,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,10,61,18,0,0.21418766284029256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870955137627693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101142016922533,0.0,0.0,0.13813332322874408,0.0,0.1844795201520872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191883434537984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924980604606281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829971795123937,0.15301570912982365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211465973645987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127366777316517,0.210931703078578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459153246138465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928254605404129,0.0,0.18913163038787048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651947298330069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513910356086565,0.16289936925577794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022059030469227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422967658643743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229769107503794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926104835656985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521527703374796,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cape_town3407,2019/02/25,Any Ideas? can anybody give me 100% fool proof ways to kill myself?,0.6600000000000001,3.166710769230772,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,95.15384615384615,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.5574307692307694,52,1,11,0,2,15,13,13,0.42,0.58,0.0,-0.8385,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201762006862684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516569095506203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5315025479334217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208965672121268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37371786734941137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tripletthrowaway3,2019/02/25,How did you deal with the guilt? There is no recovery when someone you loved commited suicide and you feel like you caused it. ,4.391249999999999,6.4779622916666675,3.84,88.905,71.91666666666666,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.1805666666666674,101,4,20,2,2,30,21,24,0.257,0.556,0.187,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,6,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424659180378046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261806926708511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901934192038607,0.29532157082991684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195851327763312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37309514732642896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350258872654586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521749377219569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amynias,2019/02/25,"Tinnitus is testing me Honestly...fuck this. I'm a 21 year old tortured male with several severe mental and physical health conditions that make my life a waking nightmare. I will decline to elaborate here on my conditions and broken life because it's too much personal information. It will suffice to say it's more than bad: others would have killed themselves in my place years ago. I've suffered enough to the point where acquiring tinnitus is pushing me over the edge. I don't have the means to end it anymore but I wish I had a way out. I don't want to suffer anymore. I aborted a suicide attempt a few months ago and I'm already regretting being condemned to an existence where I no longer enjoy life or have the opportunity to create a decent one. Tinnitus took my silence, pieces of my sanity, and my last shreds of a will to live. I just want it to stop. 😭",4.3761813186813185,6.059092130952383,5.604761904761904,77.89664835164834,71.14285714285714,8.978754578754577,31.970695970695967,9.466822959209583,3.166036080586082,690,32,125,16,13,230,109,168,0.197,0.703,0.1,-0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,2,0,12,0,13,5,1,1,0,18,21,6,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,1,16,2,17,14,5,20,0,3,0,0,4,8,0,1,9,84,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707821966459158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854778714479993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029458053355038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752803881700134,0.09310634472455052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527861156397572,0.15781694192769882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120181428814446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235104573681158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689795669237642,0.0,0.0,0.12450008736357245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236455023802621,0.0,0.0,0.13486853671848467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195235297536252,0.0,0.0,0.1663740956263417,0.0,0.0,0.1539217934494636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191228284398438,0.0,0.11227840954132684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027056134021828,0.0,0.10349775168618193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336303603230734,0.15957643487001472,0.0,0.14438472855229462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146166290419952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450960282287666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769399348533889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706820870810699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969512773771844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017510033845416,0.12123459310619565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563866751013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084991518922346,0.0,0.0,0.19671373460179328
suicidewatch,DashLyrics,2019/02/25,"Update Hey everyone, I just wanted to give you an update on my status on my mental state because many people have messaged me and have asked if I am ok. I have taken a little break. I’m back living with my parents. They have strict rules for me because my father is a strong Christian and a preacher. My mother is also a very strong Christian, my sister also. I upright told them that I do not believe in Jesus when I moved back in and was very honest with them and told them of why I do not believe. My mother ran out of the room bawling. My father looked at me as though I had dropped dead right in front of him. After sitting and watching my father hold my distraught mother for 45 minutes he finally looked at me and said, “Don’t worry, Nathan, we still love you and support you, we don’t think any less of you.” Or something along those lines, my mother still crying uncontrollably of course. Anyway, I have been much happier lately. I am finally over my ex and met someone else that has truly changed my life. I love her deeply and although it hasn’t been long since we got together, I can potentially see myself spending my life with her. Her kind smile and deep amber eyes blow me away each time I look at her. Her laugh heals my soul. I love her more and more every moment I am with her, and I could go on and on, she is my person, the one I want to be with.  My social anxiety has loosened up a little, I have began seeing a therapist and am on track to get out of this shithole of a mental illness. I should have done something years ago, I have only been going for 3 weeks and have realized I am putting unneeded pressure on myself and putting myself down for no reason. My confidence has been slowly deteriorated on my own part, but I am on track to be able to enjoy talking and engaging with people without having to be nervous about it. My decision day is still March 27, 2019, i have until then to decide if suicide is still something I seek. I don’t think I will be taking that path any longer, but I will wait until that day, my 18th birthday, to make an official decision. My education, however, isn’t going well. I am struggling in my senior year, and I am failing the 2 classes I have to graduate. I have no direct plan for my future, no motivation to continue my academic career, but I am doing it for my future. To be able to provide for my future partner if I do choose to keep living. But things are looking up for me lately. Maybe it is just a peak in my life, but we will have to wait and see, yeah? 

Thanks everyone for the continuous support, I really do appreciate every one of you:)",4.685693438914028,5.32044344038462,5.850859728506787,80.35531674208146,69.40384615384616,8.194570135746607,28.3710407239819,8.219915518859313,1.9053110859728508,2039,68,394,27,34,682,248,520,0.075,0.816,0.109,0.9314,2,0,3,0,0,1,57.0,4,5,4,5,15,21,0,5,14,2,61,9,1,3,0,66,98,37,2,8,14,10,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,2,11,33,0,4,9,0,1,8,11,6,1,2,15,10,93,15,67,73,7,74,4,1,9,3,48,28,0,4,34,304,104,7,0.1604861190826549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113063069422253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283406914483613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913606427972444,0.0,0.0613857209142031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501642865433583,0.0,0.07539099587907125,0.1234039193576272,0.0,0.09783084861448356,0.0,0.0,0.18081289917502288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488651714473007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406755360656873,0.0,0.08814323298235208,0.10350027012293814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211650970598942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703277968227278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352164770366959,0.1533513642650182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758046989555212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192368670019718,0.07697645453885263,0.13681193981810755,0.0,0.06417770505819291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132371826620802,0.0,0.08356079837760387,0.0,0.0,0.18103533260854912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003413806971762,0.0,0.1608492525370762,0.1417121833919862,0.07101258259225014,0.269535841134998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726748240278335,0.0,0.053562865341405086,0.08135386772869417,0.08061493870952417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617322612972655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852856732349389,0.058987881647641176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874954770381418,0.06102846267192698,0.0,0.0,0.08910042149478242,0.0868954138541895,0.0,0.111260867885025,0.07006514447239548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133287624159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051405758683144974,0.08250322967117896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852713440766517,0.07632952509954158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182998805149032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637788806148337,0.0,0.0,0.0817976939556136,0.06798968395079623,0.18532508266831296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563288440155589,0.0,0.0,0.08388746846870998,0.0,0.08777288316263382,0.1821177460884423,0.0,0.0,0.06033279440310223,0.06449633170624637,0.0,0.0738770282306024,0.0,0.093168376860755,0.05330992319715123,0.10283302496269572,0.07883839858308782,0.0,0.04679037331613916,0.0,0.0,0.1533513642650182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324178557092515,0.09465887108691773,0.0,0.06436614217731564,0.0,0.07214814733169413,0.0,0.07240688022654786,0.0,0.0,0.07735144591758229,0.0,0.0,0.08149072205502009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033477989451306
suicidewatch,ShadowStorm286,2019/02/25,"Tonight is the night Tonight is the night, I'm done with it all. I can't deal with all my issues and the memories of what happened....I'm done with it all, and everything.",0.7084285714285734,2.993230628571432,1.6453571428571436,98.85089285714287,85.57142857142857,5.7857142857142865,23.035714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.6502857142857148,132,5,31,2,4,41,22,35,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,3,8,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155920485295198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265256880502866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27511722995402443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195054652903881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5745380653621249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youcanbeastarr,2019/02/25,It getting better is not a complete lie It does get better but then gets worse. Horribly. Very bad. I wish I killed myself before hand. I'm a worthless piece of shit good God I wish I had succeeded. ,-0.3216071428571432,1.8058446250000024,1.6835714285714296,93.17000000000002,102.75,4.285714285714287,18.214285714285715,6.18269132825596,0.1349285714285715,155,5,31,2,7,51,32,40,0.393,0.254,0.353,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,8,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,4,1,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,16,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922526120772624,0.0,0.0,0.19592933745830124,0.0,0.0,0.4072821993627557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414171137767388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014969735694747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36089489726852464,0.0,0.0,0.1931262713014973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547421212631969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363525940209413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998380229317904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.52956185829923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464866777039614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sea9968,2019/02/25,"Even a failure at dying One of the worst parts of wanting to do it is knowing in the end I’ll always chicken out in hopes that my life will get better. I’m constantly disappointed. I think about my mom, my dad, my brother and my dogs, and the man I love and I can’t do it. But it hurts so ducking bad always. It’s like everything in me wants to just die and cease to exist but I know I’ll never commit. Guess I’m just as much a tuck up at dying as I am at living.",0.5157585470085486,1.8224776057692296,3.212820512820514,92.60995726495727,80.63461538461539,5.776068376068378,20.20940170940171,6.42735559955562,0.03362735042735032,357,9,86,3,9,126,68,104,0.153,0.768,0.079,-0.7764,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,18,17,9,3,3,4,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,11,4,16,16,3,11,0,2,0,1,5,8,0,2,4,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30262950818245604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183814392376185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083259555291696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651652765697336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5661984597006305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610661740194445,0.0,0.0,0.12011099291201136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343611965259505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950097387680528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032958285987912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061925939953616,0.0,0.0,0.1946754551625984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988131141069088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844687026359025,0.08884330355391783,0.0,0.16057792842273672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164127794815207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298191054129487,0.0,0.0,0.13368154537317556,0.0,0.14025484499095786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232270696082972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692711257642212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652289680893475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452108156329056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Heisi93,2019/02/25,"Feel like giving up but too afraid too commit My life at this point is quite bad...in contrast to 5 years ago everything was great, also been in recovery for 4 years but keeps relapsing, at this stage i have given up and now i am drinking and using anything i can, tried suicide when i was drunk so that probably doesn't count but why do i feel this hopelessness  and things won't get better.",7.03923076923077,6.050538179487183,6.840641025641028,80.75019230769233,64.64102564102564,10.364102564102565,31.038461538461537,9.516144504307137,2.4811692307692312,310,9,63,5,4,98,60,78,0.211,0.6579999999999999,0.131,-0.8853,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,1,11,17,9,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,6,3,7,12,0,12,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165271381039104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192056270468426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720168826253789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994140259518488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119298084731416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228497862729084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444985034271265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230047628264988,0.16251612487324288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885210511310736,0.21822540874114046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508042431299188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220010995342985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068016946438732,0.11113822424419192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21504790718142666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526850597678834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419594834296261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488328855791393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113166551189067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444813842402594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964749623410467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052708341501218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929871972203527
suicidewatch,anonymoussealion,2019/02/25,Please help me I need to talk to someone.,-0.1833333333333336,1.817857333333336,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,86.77777777777777,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.8357555555555556,32,1,8,0,1,10,8,9,0.0,0.545,0.455,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548502624494929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925484825926183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811297602942955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485647190501255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255171848204671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kweld1106,2019/02/25,"Have you ever thought something so depressing that it scares you now? Not to say I am not depressed anymore, I am, but in one of my failed suicide attempts, I tried to put a knife slowly into my heart. My mind was so insane at that time, that I thought I deserved pain and torture, and finally (luckily) I pulled out the knife over the immense pain I felt.

​

TD;LR I thought at one point that I deserved to suffer the pain of a slow death",8.302954545454547,6.24009065909091,7.60590909090909,79.71636363636364,62.86363636363636,10.163636363636364,40.18181818181819,8.07648339933343,3.2201045454545465,350,16,70,3,4,109,56,88,0.419,0.565,0.016,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,2,4,9,1,1,5,0,4,4,1,0,1,13,8,5,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,9,0,2,5,2,14,0,11,3,0,14,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747970311657796,0.19903770056785594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244784784751073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821653293483466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816854109632568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572758774667179,0.1794373923331881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410649175951444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539360911150233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219933297951616,0.0,0.5228915279725956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484610119880401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646665349811181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026214845863482,0.1639946589021503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610299863239322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917310931778116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901221428605007,0.09551442736201926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121099659062003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903770056785594,0.0
suicidewatch,KautoMats,2019/02/25,"Leaving Notes If i were to ""dissapear"" would it be toughtful to leave notes, letters or maybe videos to people i leave behind, is it a nice gest or would i just hurt them by reminding them that im gone? 
I don't want to leave people with everlasting questions and guilt..

I lost my sister recently.
The past years i've lost contact with almost all my friends. And i feel like no one would really miss me..  i see life just going downhill and i have no more motivation to keep struggling. 
Im courious if there really is any afterlife. Will i get peace and meet with her ever again?

",3.0686842105263166,5.071646921052633,4.2788070175438575,84.6903157894737,75.40350877192982,7.717894736842107,24.55789473684211,8.548686976883017,1.6550273684210528,455,15,91,9,10,149,77,114,0.185,0.696,0.119,-0.4489,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,3,5,9,0,2,2,0,10,1,0,1,2,24,20,8,0,6,6,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,6,0,1,4,2,15,3,10,11,2,7,0,4,1,0,9,0,0,6,6,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142334872127492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666156430501133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857574976845298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187136278471712,0.10154640982150824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981870435123436,0.0,0.0742634282190644,0.0,0.08078268294842178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216615557459667,0.0,0.30707591651821786,0.0,0.0,0.12634251061117674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020322272337751,0.0,0.0,0.10039923331513344,0.06944349475929146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103299855590071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280093630722765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631922745143427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135690805260496,0.1970869960663908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923178495480594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821198549312853,0.0,0.14034826568542674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326892320484486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485978806600463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383914716913388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302921203189512,0.0,0.0,0.0915349108422269
suicidewatch,Sprach_McGrachan,2019/02/25,"nearly lost my job today I am posting to this place because I am considering suicide.

Through a series of actions, I nearly lost my job today. I work two jobs, and I nearly lost one of them. I care about it very much because I consider it as apart of my identity. I do not have a family to support, no children or a wife or a girlfriend. I went to mass today for the first time in 25 years. I am scared. I am 40 years old.",0.6080399500624196,2.5464583932584297,3.2486891385767787,89.38429463171038,83.04494382022472,5.7533083645443215,23.372034956304606,6.937597516519254,0.8249390761548065,323,12,70,4,9,113,56,89,0.187,0.747,0.067,-0.8625,3,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,5,1,6,0,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,12,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,3,4,0,15,2,14,8,1,18,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,2,8,52,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290458333305104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529578839132367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142781204587465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760901738385702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44662239152878985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913016708087433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102837608715564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574233223805057,0.0,0.10165909318034434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674152720753098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368003487215242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019864178618075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641002081671134,0.1702436958158485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747929570877025,0.0,0.4266112162965528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655013229927027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378423098320668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907231203855716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921812869223686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932190752932766
suicidewatch,internetgraduate,2019/02/25,"I’m too pathetic to live and too pathetic to do anything about it If this turns into a rant I’m sorry. Probably not worth reading anyway. 

I’m just a little wimp of a woman who’s had everything handed to her and now that life is very real and very alone, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not a survivor. I don’t know how to be in the real world. I’ve always believed in survival of the fittest. But, being the least fittest person I know, physically, mentally, and emotionally, I should’ve been dead a long time ago. 

I’ve been trying to kill my self for 10 years now",1.7504354469060353,3.649557504201681,3.899679144385029,86.372192513369,79.0,7.016348357524827,23.423223834988537,8.00094639256281,1.2864890756302518,449,15,94,8,11,154,76,119,0.237,0.763,0.0,-0.9783,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,2,1,0,9,0,8,2,1,1,0,17,16,7,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,1,5,0,13,11,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,56,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349126595281285,0.0,0.0,0.19101993302239254,0.0,0.0,0.1534654143916916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177500180495485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779606126228167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887516648768962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074655235504923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575906282036262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405095799300185,0.0,0.2027222557973592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027250574939456,0.0,0.184853189604758,0.16286024767087326,0.163219936520662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858679719751785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104228315086594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885305673696255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448577579923656,0.419856784663088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240683099026226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064608506959785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075460359791474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521984553474488,0.2006132588485122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043578083502196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187706499862974
suicidewatch,tricolorcorgs,2019/02/25,Someday soon I will do it I cant hold on anymore but I dont know how to go about it. College is too much and I'm too scared I wont have a future so what's the point just let me dieee,-4.117826086956518,-2.923396369565216,-0.5214130434782618,109.04222826086956,110.52173913043478,2.3000000000000003,12.27173913043478,3.1291,-2.053382608695652,141,3,42,0,8,50,37,46,0.099,0.901,0.0,-0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,6,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900663294270241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609664298394465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353200497679668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615759759721426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40219488168358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891344016807673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37181317648111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937804993492184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CoolKidMethew,2019/02/25,"I'm so sorry All I ever wanted to do was make you happy, but I just made your life worse, and now you'll never want anything else me, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me after I'm gone, I know I can never fix things between us, but please don't despise me forever. I've lost everyone, but you told me you loved me, and would always be there for me, but I made even you leave me, that just proves how worthless I am.

I'm sorry, I hope you can find happiness, goodbye, I love you.",1.7532352941176477,2.8616227058823536,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,76.84313725490195,6.276470588235295,21.573529411764707,6.6274283507984215,0.3094470588235292,364,9,83,3,8,124,62,102,0.152,0.57,0.278,0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,8,0,1,9,9,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,4,5,24,25,9,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,24,6,4,16,1,6,0,2,0,2,13,0,0,1,5,56,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376216416299185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239893114471105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425174728869184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824023117794606,0.13454228971746515,0.0,0.14212580061089244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594409332940605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166693297453099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773067284189767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174266886429851,0.0,0.0,0.15749236244316075,0.0,0.0,0.10505824590112817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236540288618634,0.0,0.2684842097206575,0.2814795138175595,0.09928395689398097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294322619717649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265399324189729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995009813452143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881510413962023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212580061089244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891383721881735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545938247932993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157701442081584,0.1056594066260079,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaykoix,2019/02/25,"how do i kill myself in the least painful way possible i feel like i’m way too “young” to be thinking about suicide but i don’t know what else to do since i can’t do my work in school since i’m anxious, i’m very depressed, everyone makes fun of me because i can’t talk to people and i mumble and stutter. my grandparents hate me and my parents are getting mad at me everyday and when i said i wanna kms to them they just fucking laughed at me so i might as well do it. ",1.891764705882352,3.0345595000000003,3.611911764705884,91.87610294117648,76.54901960784316,6.6686274509803924,27.45588235294117,7.1686216300943375,1.1979764705882356,367,15,85,4,8,123,67,102,0.21600000000000005,0.6509999999999999,0.134,-0.8873,2,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,2,1,7,11,4,0,1,0,10,2,0,2,0,13,21,9,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,1,2,19,4,12,18,1,9,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,1,4,56,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224982859304216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005934821554455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963339103276534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645270781498342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881948802690535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958421611686384,0.14070165403496468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207779330657026,0.10289863721519832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944480892406979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178968224628696,0.0,0.1082389806331234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622018731903194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146615392834332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893362022140607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956948239564724,0.0,0.2186904985879917,0.0,0.0,0.1365408505532918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203237646733207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734526302976984,0.0,0.0,0.1993246721153913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32583938867749895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543215238848185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830155123072526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619808707481936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250499381029704,0.0,0.3126606736107557,0.0,0.0,0.17708237567756074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433824905331604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,top_left_pixel,2019/02/25,"I want to die Tonight, I just want to die. I have no idea why, just some vague uncomfortable feeling and the thought ""I want to die"" keeps popping up. ",4.125,4.766139499999999,4.026666666666667,92.91,70.66666666666666,7.333333333333332,31.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.4966666666666677,115,5,27,1,2,35,20,30,0.444,0.422,0.134,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,1,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.764423172130245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414069429654315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771586347277773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21822665354795506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949129512310875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344365906897547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221540765818058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polic1,2019/02/25,"I think my time is up. I'm using my real account because I don't think it matters anymore.

I've tried for the past year to understand why. I've tried to find answers and to reason with what's happening to me. I've been here before. I've always managed to win. And here I am feeling further away from happiness than I've ever felt before.

I think my life is my life. Everything I do is my decision. And I think this is it. I think I'm done. It doesn't make me sad, it doesn't make me want to cry and it's not a painful feeling. I feel nothing about this decision. 

I've emailed my therapist and hopefully I can talk to them this week. There's always hope that tomorrow will change. But if I were to go right now, I don't think I'd try to stop it. And if I feel this way after therapy, I think that's it for me. I can be happy knowing I don't have to do this anymore. Nobody should have to do this anymore.",-0.3396248068858938,1.7272559644670054,2.1859677775325537,94.64587287574487,88.34010152284262,5.456543809313618,21.255572721253586,6.8959733430537185,0.4796424188920772,703,25,163,10,23,241,96,197,0.042,0.823,0.135,0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,23,3,0,4,1,41,47,9,0,6,4,0,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,16,7,0,1,19,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,4,5,26,5,20,40,0,15,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,4,9,102,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186506980241542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334381028233634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529601994874324,0.0,0.0,0.06831849657375852,0.0,0.19073127900622064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185580890453804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231066324331834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468931459656358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137620144125832,0.0,0.0,0.1007237440984214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266693607353608,0.0,0.1076073970759508,0.0,0.10243244573176083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369351572355247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910554586498467,0.23860701218883365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262701906624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061592241982317636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832056852761406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961883635406667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075368079775731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925328746002332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698610299832516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275633036795737,0.0,0.11522943311727513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957094998876756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936978213700332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007981590871833,0.0,0.0,0.12816493509190796,0.13012507865339715,0.0,0.5026817649193062,0.0,0.0,0.06535051068973924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282700830304666,0.0,0.0,0.1166716653899552,0.0,0.09679485602661853,0.0,0.0,0.06610340042649925,0.08895811728244837,0.08989798465585364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112820789620758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217116429155754
suicidewatch,sydthesquyd98,2019/02/25,I don’t know what to do anymore I have self harm scars on my right calf and the back of my left hand. they make me sad bc idk how i let myself get to a point where i’m hurting myself. when i was 8 i told myself i would never cut and don’t know why ppl do it and here i am doing it frequently. i’m in a  dark place rn where although i want to be alone i want someone to act like they care without me having to come out and say that i’m going to kill myself very soon even though i don’t want to. i just wish that the ppl around me were always nice to me whether i’m suicidal or not. i think no one cares about me anymore bc when i talk about suicide they think i’m joking bc i haven’t taken action yet. i feel very alone and just want to cry all the time but i can’t bc i live in a dorm room with two other ppl. i’m just very torn between dying or staying alive. it also hurt me recently that it seems like ppl only care if you’re depressed or anxious if you’re i guess pretty or well known or appear to be a sweet person. idk how to explain myself.,0.4545137207425327,1.8718472076271235,2.492857142857144,97.20629943502828,81.16101694915254,5.003712671509281,18.01775625504439,5.288315135182226,-0.6557362389023407,815,16,201,3,21,274,130,236,0.151,0.68,0.17,0.1435,0,4,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,3,0,20,16,2,0,7,0,17,1,1,3,2,44,46,21,4,8,14,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,9,9,0,0,8,1,0,5,9,7,1,2,4,4,34,9,22,38,1,27,0,4,0,0,9,12,0,10,11,127,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589573842686876,0.0,0.09107175115798824,0.09475931825049301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865474896443965,0.22588157119810234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137952168377846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756857165741702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483322315965962,0.0,0.0,0.09809964364271832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509451974799762,0.0,0.0,0.09808678412080793,0.0,0.11819199953531676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521828172730584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758238663169798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059498877864812526,0.0,0.06472201865178823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545435381511336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438270282644125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259940537379062,0.0,0.12517362840157814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237336111156986,0.11645251710903995,0.0,0.11127442167093872,0.0,0.1005602865021416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601741721399402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783316321327722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716969291076697,0.08661273214736563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943775945458287,0.11898291773576908,0.0,0.10765572180900447,0.0,0.0,0.11585938936109308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124451768362044,0.0,0.0,0.09725498689331837,0.0,0.09056389220095099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367430198194612,0.11880422832495965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964922271837463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138353520946794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491378247567835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153439654199927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594254642914964,0.11188892527265476,0.0,0.0664057702533316,0.0,0.0,0.1088195577604555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124660226414043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818948347854174,0.2686832696703204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239399595171524,0.0,0.10276119450036864,0.0,0.13095919296982408,0.10977861432437512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089882240137851,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoIdeaForNow19,2019/02/25,"Nembutal information I think according the number of posts/accounts trying to scam people about Nembutal, r/suicidewatch should really stick a post about the impossibility to buy Nembutal from reddit.

I personally have been contacted by a worrying amount of scammer. They can create indefinitely accounts here, you know.

Please give visibility to a post explaining you cannot buy Nembutal on reddit. ",9.329531250000002,12.297544140625005,10.052000000000003,45.793000000000035,60.71875,14.495,39.3625,13.023866798666859,7.201722499999999,331,17,40,15,5,112,47,64,0.097,0.812,0.091,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,10,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30876741846225475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689155513772545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231444092777075,0.28104481964685885,0.0,0.3533170452022505,0.0,0.0,0.6165257432690674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619842129357824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062415568540514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852887462823248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268750168904405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,countrysquid,2019/02/25,"I’m just so tired I’ve (22f) been in therapy since I was 12. I’ve been given all kinds of diagnoses the current ones being depression, anxiety, and some kind of personality disorder. I’m just so tired. I’m in DBT and it’s hard and I feel like no matter how hard I try, I always end up back here in my pit of depression. I’m always tired. And I starting to feel like even when I’m happy it’ll end soon. I wonder if I’ll ever feel whole and not exhausted. I love so many people in my life and I feel like a burden no matter what they tell me. I know it’s a process but what if it never ends?",0.0035760422783326358,1.7303213129771002,3.0224427480916027,91.34127422196129,83.9618320610687,6.4735173223722855,18.473869641808573,7.61054688173877,0.35978520258367563,456,11,109,8,13,163,74,131,0.198,0.7120000000000001,0.09,-0.8883,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,12,11,0,0,3,0,5,7,0,1,3,25,19,14,0,2,6,0,6,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,6,13,7,9,13,3,15,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,4,13,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147448303098295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871598044467647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922453225832664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228557782548408,0.1309738571078356,0.0,0.0,0.14789211861384924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428759649003475,0.0,0.0,0.0852303364141352,0.11672493516201987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609879444968388,0.2765606607085017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736650037673376,0.23119070609731016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26875260290953235,0.07091753636118711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114544554575732,0.18912868339013586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646450360507635,0.0,0.0,0.1308272786602791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952434271398236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744149343380322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894607532079551,0.11267358806875412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674401476842836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913358549599132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278748588828368,0.0,0.14756958266300724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449407990822308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761034069914078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406962242023427,0.0,0.0,0.13993941553134365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rugops24567,2019/02/25,I want to die twice. I want to die and then immediately be forgotten. The world would be better for it. ,0.012857142857143344,2.3718740952380983,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,93.76190476190477,6.609523809523811,16.523809523809526,7.793537801064563,0.5706380952380954,80,2,18,2,3,28,16,21,0.344,0.461,0.195,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345928717979169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.785271866014912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462853098571085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687473326253225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThiccScissorLady,2019/02/25,"What's the point? If everyone dies at some point in time, and we forget everything after we die, then what is the point of living?",3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846157,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,72.84615384615384,8.276923076923078,20.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,1.1435999999999995,102,2,21,2,2,33,21,26,0.211,0.789,0.0,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325469629708183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451584084582718,0.2305836610896413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265511852863982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7276092449728639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960484386078318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,damnitjanet6,2019/02/25,"I can’t cope with this How am I meant to deal with this?

How am I meant to have a normal life? I can’t hold down a 9-5 job if the idea of an interview has me planning ways of killing myself to get out of it.

Like. My brain just goes to suicide as a way to get out of doing things I don’t want to do. It’s violent and it’s graphic and it scares me. I don’t want it in my head. But the temptation is so fucking strong and I’m sick of fighting if. I know I’m not going to be able to cope with this world. I hate myself for being so pathetic. I hate myself for being so annoying. There’s nothing I can do to stop it I’m just a burden on everyone and I get so excited over stupid creative things that no one gives a shit about and I annoy everyone I talk to. I’m a fat disgusting blob who can’t stop eating and I should probably kill myself before I put on any more weight lol. It’s just the longer I let this drag on the more I feel like I can’t do this.

It’s no one else’s job to fucking babysit me. I’m responsible for my own actions.

I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to live without this whooshing anxiety in my ears.

This world is not a kind place.

I can’t stand it.

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suicidewatch,John23790,2019/02/25,"I dont want to I don't want to kill my self but I'm onstly thinking that b the best thing to do
I need someone to talk to places  ",1.2887500000000005,0.7245253749999989,3.9250000000000007,95.42,76.5,7.65,22.25,7.1686216300943375,0.25207500000000005,100,2,29,1,2,36,22,32,0.071,0.669,0.26,0.838,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,5,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312648917578953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699502716779853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34923017393298245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405732252076225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297967151874806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32930142408313395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674570448591122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537149355612455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970996909317632,0.2022616915703711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723679896633816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Khrump,2019/02/25,"I rejected everyone I have suicide tought for months, i isolated myself so far at this point that i lost everything... i keep drinking and its getting worst... All my days looms the same... i get up and drink since i pass out

Since i lost/left everyone i'm alone and confused, i began anti-depress pills but it doesn't work.

Idk what im looking for by writhing here, i just.. idk",1.1370666666666691,3.619340306666668,2.449333333333332,92.34466666666668,85.93333333333334,6.0,24.333333333333336,7.3871296695380915,1.2239333333333344,293,12,61,5,9,94,57,75,0.214,0.765,0.022,-0.8319,0,2,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,9,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,12,0,6,7,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,1,3,36,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224702688742235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593685466356785,0.0,0.16819091856152235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825922432318694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37318914145758003,0.17550146262031138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040472834574204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093157184957034,0.0,0.0,0.1735702666415749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121679275859628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398264473764812,0.0,0.4263336075861383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586742709349102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845989233081509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230686231734176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360023151872226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421632418098215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FamiliarTension,2019/02/25,"Would breaking up with my boyfriend before I kill myself make the pain more manageable for him? Throwaway account. He is an amazing person but I don't want to live anymore. This has been on my mind for years, it isn't an impulsive decision. We have been together for years and live together so I want to go somewhere where he won't be the one to find me. Would breaking up first make him feel more distant and lessen his pain? I can't exactly ask him for his opinion. I want to do the deed soon and have been tying up loose ends but this one hurts. I've been thinking that maybe if I drive him away emotionally then he won't be as affected by my death. Maybe it would be less painful to say that his ex died rather than his current partner. ",3.220400000000001,4.802831506666667,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,73.93333333333334,7.133333333333333,27.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.4024666666666668,586,22,126,8,12,183,90,150,0.211,0.764,0.025,-0.9842,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,5,0,20,3,0,3,1,25,29,9,3,8,4,1,1,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,4,0,1,2,5,5,0,3,4,2,20,1,18,17,3,17,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,2,7,86,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913607169195847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058454771875795,0.0,0.14128650547420296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796189214241882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607019574568115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691567149719903,0.1331916161720776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603640168916204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744415327057344,0.12791273948931495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546414444085869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098438210254531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637265387655234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655757354192384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007589892939256,0.0,0.3021528724081377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184044278012726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380210378992172,0.0,0.480043222708867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130559296402647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958782691606575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635712179492532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660932042094766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204758807047388,0.0,0.0,0.1936789558375032
suicidewatch,throwawaypt2778,2019/02/25,"I just discovered this sub! [DISCLAIMER: THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE HELPFUL. THIS IS SIMPLY JUST MY STORY. PLEASE LMK IN THE COMMENTS YOUR THOUGHTS] I once had situational depression. I would wake up everyday and think about how I was going to die and hope that someone would do it for me so It could be easier. I understand that life fucking SUCKS sometimes, but as hard as it is to believe, life CAN be beautiful. If you haven’t clicked out of this post already, you’re probably rolling your eyes or thinking about how ignorant I am, I get it. But as bad as your life is, you have to remember that the present doesn’t have to stay constant, there is an ENTIRE future ahead of you and you just don’t know the amazing things that can/will change your life for the better. I was depressed because I was gay and felt as if I had no purpose in life. If I killed myself I would’ve said goodbye to a happy marriage with my husband, a beautiful daughter (we adopted) that I love more than anything, a job that I honestly love! And so many other things, things that I could’ve never seen coming when I was depressed. I assure u that even though you might feel like complete SHIT rn, that feeling will not last forever, all you gotta do is hold on.",4.957786885245903,5.6820594918032805,5.204221311475411,84.9128073770492,68.8360655737705,8.231147540983606,31.23360655737705,8.278499904357787,2.1520950819672136,972,39,196,13,16,307,142,244,0.147,0.6609999999999999,0.192,0.9432,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,10,0,2,13,18,4,0,8,0,30,12,3,2,3,44,49,23,2,7,12,2,4,1,0,7,5,1,0,0,21,9,0,2,9,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,10,8,32,9,24,28,2,17,0,3,3,4,19,5,3,9,9,144,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859112562007366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589230194670828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729569481390007,0.07103415519905233,0.0,0.0,0.13128672319507692,0.0,0.10305920981819353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327077028488688,0.10037822602861417,0.12217699188104912,0.12592495934618725,0.0,0.1860756442600805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010952034471279,0.0,0.12093727156990047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696539359720622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783973123561226,0.08324735456284117,0.1118847885683006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772790640858487,0.06088087162186522,0.0,0.06622533146928115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240458176440176,0.10438585860048576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810600696841034,0.0,0.0,0.11573821890811307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563568172030292,0.0,0.12892054583221382,0.0,0.0640405321464591,0.09498556252254667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41153451846862094,0.05692950878786345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034145205089996,0.0,0.0,0.11814071631037015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361738944694388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987328375973086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409811158134205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791233348335868,0.0,0.0,0.11160124814947113,0.0,0.12563648250949466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320030770469279,0.0,0.11084445057932543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961392673870914,0.0,0.1309819264902497,0.0,0.0,0.0987334737476737,0.0,0.11524879516264865,0.0,0.0,0.12420293775769113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224731738504245,0.1493323866293585,0.11448779439017792,0.09250991352015878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130936133371115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483336323839047,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eunomia28,2019/02/25,"Everyone seems to think I am overreacting. A few weeks ago I got this contraceptive implant and no one prepared me for what it would be like. The doctor made the side effects sound like they were minor before sticking it in my arm. This thing is changing me, and my mood has been taking a plunge. I went to my doctor almost in tears and all she did was tell me to ""give it a chance"". This was after telling me that these side effects may last for 3 months. My boyfriend told me to be patient and that he knows I can do this. I went on the Nexplanon subreddit to try and find advice and their rules said that they don't want to hear from anyone who bashes the implant and is ""being a baby about"" the side effects.

I don't know, am I overreacting and being a baby? I don't feel normal; I am in my initial probationary period at work and need to prove that I am hood at my job, yet over the past few weeks I have been getting headaches and mood swings at work. I am now feeling so useless and low. The doctors don't want to remove this thing from me and seem to think it is great. They want me to be like this for months before they will consider relieving me. I have alone in my flat, crying for hours. I am a bad employee, bad daughter, bad sister, bad girlfriend and bad friend. I don't see the appeal in carrying on when everyone would be better off without me. I have been searching for some rope to buy online and heard that good rope will make you pass out after less than a minute. Sounds better than jumping off the bridge I pass through on the way to work.",5.576670182841071,5.2703565474683565,5.74527426160338,85.1401617440225,67.38607594936707,8.541209563994375,28.63150492264416,7.793537801064563,1.541143319268636,1223,35,260,12,18,388,159,316,0.11,0.799,0.09,-0.6876,2,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,5,8,5,18,0,0,17,0,38,4,1,5,2,42,63,16,0,7,1,2,2,3,2,5,3,5,0,0,20,15,0,0,13,0,1,6,7,7,0,1,14,8,40,9,41,38,5,40,0,2,1,0,20,19,0,5,17,181,60,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071682472227526,0.09136353419222057,0.0,0.10320768105299068,0.10674733038720337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206751914321917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302872374641279,0.0,0.0,0.17540649761206575,0.0,0.0,0.18231048258703048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903224301427424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321532231331792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164832954989797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697171915542516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422852216405153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420225482292373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963005581782293,0.0,0.0538487589089874,0.0988721858307325,0.0,0.08644852089361768,0.08243286883914427,0.1136327977430551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616508983021882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101501186269595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022790538366182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328691866886514,0.08401414959824881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510614078867955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752540268087814,0.06879866846801701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453573624905493,0.0,0.0,0.07642359173836158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098472449286804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984152202120826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983900371133562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804123917144396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213182563490255,0.18765841282478987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749428439705604,0.0,0.1801718925431364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694755531538355,0.13208358340947246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848585957771257,0.0,0.06997638419632908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237647242981053,0.08181055497545701,0.16534981271060656,0.0,0.0,0.19109007644894546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935384242955607,0.0,0.22510412305100733,0.0,0.0,0.14643305352449765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hellboi5,2019/02/25,"Thats it boiss im done with this pointless shit.. 15 and currently doing so so bad.. Planning to kill my self when the time comes . I'm full of guild.. Wishing that I've done things differently in the past .. If it wasn't for my stupidity I wouldn't be this fucking depressed now..  My mind is all over the place rn.. It's too damm late for me to change anything.. If I had the opportunity to safe a friend/crush,  and die instead of them.. I would grab it. If not I would probably get some sleep pills and some other pills and just die in my sleep.


 Damm why is life like that .

Reality is scary. ",-0.4751275045537327,1.7628121065573763,1.36808743169399,97.32604735883429,95.96721311475409,4.67832422586521,17.43351548269581,6.42735559955562,-0.2760178506375226,455,13,107,6,18,148,82,122,0.146,0.759,0.095,-0.8685,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,7,9,4,0,5,0,12,7,3,0,1,20,17,10,3,7,5,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,1,10,3,11,9,4,12,0,1,0,1,2,5,2,5,7,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917597609560453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121282960909695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891248233868373,0.1456867475560394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566765001549098,0.0,0.35105138734565305,0.17670027796210727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461484600066259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066603567230553,0.15635391186544986,0.08836115685525206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826846933722014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871124421952872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078106769760186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194584281368814,0.08262623582232374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076866546640745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614495427287615,0.0,0.0,0.17670027796210727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234602498326505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764349082001299,0.0,0.17360502011662715,0.0,0.0,0.3384955240947556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235954793886876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986185099957759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260956763774672,0.0,0.19448611817412648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402839781904821,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brooklynsunglasses,2019/02/25,"Hanging myself late Friday night. 29 years old. Messed up so many things. Wasted so many years. Lost my dream. Lost my creativity. Lost a lot of friends. Lost the love of my life. Lost myself. Always hoped I’d get better, have only got worse. I’ve never felt more okay with hanging myself than I do now.

I have two tickets to a show on Friday night, but I’m going alone. Friday is also my best friend’s 30th birthday. He hanged himself when we were 18. I’m ready to join him.

I will go through with it after the show.

I tried to stick it out, I really did. 

I just can’t help but feel a sense of peace with this decision.

I’m ready.",-0.5088911209321019,1.7217094809160332,1.2409321012454804,98.44600241060672,95.41221374045799,3.6739252711932497,13.76496584973885,5.399115186594226,-1.1088412213740455,486,9,109,3,19,157,89,131,0.128,0.633,0.239,0.9651,0,1,0,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,0,7,6,13,0,0,5,1,8,2,0,0,1,14,24,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,4,0,5,2,6,0,1,9,2,16,7,15,14,3,18,0,5,0,1,8,3,0,2,10,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430721469661655,0.0,0.10370338453032077,0.10790241642893857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608897491781372,0.11468958070166108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556905195203107,0.0,0.12451113792187354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003776762235542,0.0,0.06775136012958974,0.0,0.14739789896389316,0.0,0.10371527768496017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692037524148195,0.0,0.0,0.12879943307488118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462823403801959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159534883042336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7077938332108,0.11024752893696248,0.11703938436192796,0.0,0.0,0.26294611110123783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001560509602613,0.0,0.0,0.2433878836778489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607516123573676,0.0,0.0,0.09862590048936468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307499514970279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615224683935002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880427943430419,0.0,0.1266764833837049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215287759149275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701665564395712
suicidewatch,cutsabovedarest,2019/02/25,"I should have never pursued a college education. I am in my third year of college. It has destroyed my physical and mental health and it has put me in enormous amounts of debt. I want to die every day and I use self harm as an outlet for my emotions. I should have never done it. It's been nothing but a downward spiral. I would be so much happier if I decided to just move away somewhere, work a menial job, live in the mountains, and enjoy a simple life. But I'm stuck here working myself to the bone and getting my self esteem eroded away by professors who are supposed to help me succeed. I'm close to ending it. There's no reason for me not to anymore.",2.8888380041011636,4.56418123308271,4.474326725905673,84.51911825017089,75.01503759398497,6.340123034859878,27.88038277511961,6.980632752743323,1.487878195488722,516,21,99,5,11,173,89,133,0.1,0.769,0.132,0.816,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,1,0,7,0,12,3,1,2,2,20,18,10,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,2,0,1,3,0,15,2,17,11,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,5,75,21,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966377795590285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404148581855316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683434263349805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801729639160328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539136988648824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378258682615105,0.16045554024619182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263658915126493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464953802675574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256647042769748,0.0,0.0,0.12142890336050205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797750847296479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795990273282815,0.0,0.0,0.15996914568526366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825684358973221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254627174641697,0.13317473215207293,0.0,0.27944622217763976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738295866037015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211759755282506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186264453074822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779824336227613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646558722461745,0.0,0.0,0.10685389482300528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637758255574805,0.0,0.0,0.12869211054024576,0.0,0.0,0.11666222839835122
suicidewatch,flimsydream,2019/02/25,everyone i love leaves me. i grew up in an abusive household and have always had trouble connecting with people. when i open up to someone i end up trusting and loving them fiercely and it makes it so much worse when they hurt me like everyone else does. this year my best friend of twenty years ghosted me and it was just the final straw i guess. if the one person who always loved and cared for me when no one else did will leave then who wont? every single day is a struggle. i try so so so hard to make something of myself but i know deep down i never will because i just dont have the means to get myself help. i was finally able to pull myself out of depression and start functioning on a normal level (still far below normal for any normal person) and was even feeling happy for a while. but im sinking even lower than before and i dont think i have the energy to pull myself out again. even the hobbies i use to distract myself from the emptiness arent doing anything anymore. im just done.,3.7236303630363055,4.9975776336633695,4.7332871287128695,85.11286798679869,72.16831683168317,6.772805280528053,24.85280528052805,7.03164865440522,1.0471712211221125,790,23,153,7,15,258,124,202,0.132,0.7290000000000001,0.138,0.3267,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,15,14,0,2,10,0,17,3,0,3,1,30,31,20,1,4,6,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,5,0,2,6,2,25,9,24,22,3,31,0,2,0,3,11,13,0,2,16,117,31,0,0.10877027358485948,0.1288749879512988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101116205509668,0.0,0.0,0.07396751592931636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787088395179237,0.0,0.0,0.08950866733239872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630534920815108,0.0,0.0925554915115209,0.0,0.11414769153470887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089854307849194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014782812201209,0.0,0.09368367725599627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518559940404936,0.11130975410968834,0.254955901125456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172721296697966,0.0,0.09633817766855236,0.0,0.0,0.21552521959775348,0.0,0.09164364671867656,0.2078693153160089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499751850554966,0.0,0.0,0.2383050361264872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840356435553328,0.0,0.05682797862060365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982271922279672,0.0,0.0,0.11578797880610175,0.09743680047299592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290642160496644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644082751289896,0.0,0.2349811210886139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059777297773838285,0.0,0.0,0.2303440290773745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053139661474824566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945082557560397,0.0,0.14521000446582022,0.0,0.0,0.11848271503226665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995866635295425,0.0,0.08389034046331148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197153219921537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741110475581345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540761224907101,0.18994801485853435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921606998355723,0.08373667064039447,0.0,0.0,0.07698815948088927,0.0,0.08686408098915904,0.0,0.0,0.1137103065092315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696955993620259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384787589584417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394259318146117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084620128741432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400889800302964
suicidewatch,wolvenkaas,2019/02/25,"After 3.5 years of headaches I'm pretty much done 3.5 years ago, at age 18, I had eye surgery, which didn't go according to plan, ever since then I got chronic headaches. Which completely fucked up my life. The normal level of headaches I normally have, are bordering on painfull and distracting. Making it difficult to pay attention to lectures at uni or conversations. Doing anything remotely busy, like reading, computer work, or crowds makes the headaches much worse, to the point where i am just crying of pain. This has only become worse over the last year and im reaching my ending point. Even typing this my head pains me. I have already given up on doing anything for uni and pretend to my parents im busy. Ive already  been shutting out friends, a couple know im not doing well but i doubt they know just how bad it is. 

Coming wednesday i have an appointment at a pain clinic but im doubtfull if that will do anything. So for the last month ive been debating to just end it. The only thing just stopping me is that appointment and the enormous sadness i will cause to my parents and grandmother. I already got a few ways figured out, but am hesitant. 

I am just tired and want to get away from headaches",3.413589341692788,5.825300327586207,3.883072100313482,86.00550156739813,75.89655172413794,6.804388714733544,29.079937304075237,7.84624498591911,2.034320689655173,964,43,178,15,22,302,136,232,0.183,0.78,0.036000000000000004,-0.9854,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,2,11,12,1,2,11,0,23,10,2,4,1,35,36,15,0,4,12,2,0,1,1,2,7,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,4,2,1,2,2,9,1,0,8,1,20,3,26,26,3,35,0,1,1,1,6,17,1,4,16,116,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644449554078082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228431251696966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407488875372188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162208381223792,0.0,0.08142409005756229,0.0,0.10770180719785376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017862784559199,0.0,0.0840037756203429,0.10224656300479357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790265153834004,0.10711977717796084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979554782269703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274535001127445,0.0,0.0,0.06441022032435642,0.08821130019480991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534275097735925,0.09015452091588436,0.050949526422554924,0.0,0.055422157824770384,0.0,0.15598931949779873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000823804711788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213479743009989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718751876537383,0.15898160780489387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888038316120296,0.04764273958207593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301890572026832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783854271965979,0.0,0.14337501642492248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910953564415422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833482053555302,0.311300504155786,0.0,0.21656608168421632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843734954232108,0.0,0.0,0.09921163610793234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754514854645188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806685248329087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153004877837018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478713000459609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120834674050351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057519090437595635,0.07740585144052878,0.0,0.0,0.08768107550038642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099481769299841,0.0,0.19875989251834367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883966497527659
suicidewatch,Toska_gaming,2019/02/25,"It feels like it never gets better. In 2014 I was in a committed relationship with the girl I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. Everything was great I was the happiest I've ever been we were engaged and I felt like my life had all fallen together.  Then I lost my job, after my job I lost a very long friendship with a close friend due to us living together, (we've since started talking again and are close.) Soon after losing my house and job my fiance decided that she wanted something better. She left me and it killed me, even to this day I feel like I'll never been good enough for anyone, I've gotten a job and there are a few good days but it seems like I'm sinking further down into the pit and I can't get out. The last couple of days the suicidal thoughts have just gotten worse and worse. Everyday seems like a burden that I'll never get out of, I'm not even afraid of dying.i just feel like I've had my soul sucked out and nothing matters. About 2 years ago I tried to get into another relationship which lasted a year but the last 6 months of it those feelings that I'll never be good enough came back and I ended it just after a year. I can't stop the self destructive behavior and I'm afraid it's eventually going to over power me.",3.502444041137327,4.596025620689655,4.641697922968343,86.25072595281306,72.48659003831419,7.640330711837064,24.08166969147005,8.032893268588372,1.1704206896551723,1001,27,210,14,19,329,136,261,0.177,0.713,0.11,-0.966,5,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,6,11,23,3,2,16,0,15,2,0,0,7,48,41,13,2,1,6,0,5,6,1,1,2,0,0,2,13,22,0,1,10,0,1,3,7,9,0,0,17,5,26,14,26,22,5,45,1,3,0,0,10,13,1,2,35,129,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940322441248916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392766087076254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263323158385044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887798552115375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844439786174325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024504421584888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911352251178912,0.0,0.17330624855528842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933725396481918,0.18511075264470264,0.0,0.11832746890078152,0.08102611532716539,0.0,0.0,0.08050463116071246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811681390993952,0.19197814038979624,0.08600647135693118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920576407189831,0.0,0.18719788483613295,0.0,0.05090778779672065,0.2253948919117501,0.0,0.09875724072612628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335803311663266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555592167614535,0.0,0.09910195455809892,0.0,0.0,0.21904782143187526,0.0,0.0,0.09732397952371197,0.0,0.12653956709567574,0.2625722171663345,0.0,0.07909675613751911,0.07927144714802659,0.0,0.100212006774803,0.1955643521011078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149826298187502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763444112231939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859500521940046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234100346950014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309223584837074,0.09344672139259813,0.0,0.0,0.0740977310384111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895955129670267,0.0,0.0,0.06340195869215777,0.0,0.0,0.0748890802012498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798099455991308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199734699764701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422257901045532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081584504191378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774822725672514,0.0,0.0,0.0739091205187101,0.05283391634651921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257005551488145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305094286567768
suicidewatch,dayiparis,2019/02/25,"What's wrong with us? I have the feeling that us as a generation (millenials and gen z) are so broken. And I'm not talking about the fact that there's actually people who glamourize and glorify mental illnesses. It's just that I've realized we're all somehow helpless. I've began to feel scared about friends having suicidal thoughts and that they might kill themselves. I see a lot of people being so unhappy about everything and so unmotivated. Was it like that before? I remember everything being fine as I was a kid, and then suddenly you have friends being depressed and life just stops making sense. Seeing how many people actually want to end their lives, including myself... I just don't understand why we turned out like this... Maybe it was always like that? ",5.589516441005807,7.620529241134754,6.14667956157318,73.82454545454547,68.64539007092199,9.66627981947131,31.25789813023856,10.018931242160765,3.466852482269504,617,26,103,16,11,200,93,141,0.227,0.629,0.14400000000000002,-0.9569,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,1,2,0,12,12,1,1,5,0,12,2,0,2,2,29,23,14,2,1,4,0,2,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,4,12,7,10,14,2,6,0,2,2,0,11,1,0,3,8,71,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.28737272134139485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225166350301823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252915814120299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681879685590486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041217148032286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646621414082845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889934578198355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751667143844634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629007867804064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400095099361996,0.21580412290453688,0.0,0.13001684844697953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517936773589053,0.0,0.0,0.09828477381110272,0.1492796630166859,0.1479237708132223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483846935581333,0.15619985061849834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062359294374843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667957963532453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741432181477945,0.0,0.2346646551443642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310039837703247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105818673817632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834705505372035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168932197745601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015635518910312,0.0,0.15328348385065796,0.354226535139112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684678904584517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132862456107864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609853499452216,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shit_ayyyy,2019/02/25,"I need help Im seriously thinking of killing myself, ive lost the only person that loved me. I was depressed before we broke up but now everything is so much worse. I need to go to a hospital, but im worried that my mom wont take me. If she doesnt i think im going to do it, unless i can submit myself to the hospital. If anyone has any advice i would appreciate it.",-0.20618055555555515,1.8175961875000013,3.3641666666666663,86.7752777777778,87.125,6.055555555555558,20.13888888888889,7.3871296695380915,0.7454722222222223,285,9,62,5,9,105,56,80,0.209,0.695,0.096,-0.8057,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,0,11,18,6,1,5,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,0,14,1,7,14,1,4,0,3,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874775080891106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439218147013953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127902234693659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565183380176106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754911917217845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439710946191766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791581905826576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260772465699465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5927564395520016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023743806595883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967928388512785,0.0,0.16509285161280635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423422518285204,0.0,0.0,0.1344675809390663,0.27126639803507113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391192481354733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971908504237595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753341683195722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23441608210274245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576460041694945,0.18641157016812496,0.12994144242414685,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AppropriateDingo,2019/02/25,"The way I see it, there's very little you can do to change your life. If your life sucks now, it will probably always suck. That's the way it goes People always try to inundate each other with this idea that you have control over your life. That you are the sole arbiter of your destiny. The fact of the matter is that is not true. You at best can incrementally improve your life, but will most likely never truly move your life into a much better place from how you started out. It can only really get worse.

The world tends towards entropy. Naturally, things are supposed to be out of order. So your life is actually supposed to be a mess. If you ever get a grip of it, it'll be a fleeting moment, a mere footnote in a lifetime of frustration. I guess if you're okay with fleeting, anomalous moments of satisfaction, then you'll be alright. But most of us need at least some fundamentally deep level of satisfaction with our lives to truly be content. Millions of dollars, a supermodel partner, eight sports cars, etc, are a stretch. But a solid income from a decent line of work, a place of your own even if you rent it, a healthy social and romantic life, good physical health, mental health, we all want that. The fact of the matter is those things are just so excruciatingly hard to get. The family you were born into, your economic level, race, gender, mental aptitudes and capacity, mental health, physical wellbeing and aptitudes, and location all play roles in how one can succeed at just finding a passably satisfying life. You need to roll an incredibly fortunate pair of dice to get enough of those things to line up the right way to get ahead in this world. Otherwise you're pretty fucked. Most of us don't get a good roll in life, and we're left to kinda scrape together a menial, unfulfilling life of hardship, struggle, uncertainty, and fundamental emptiness. And none of those factors can really be changed. Moving up the ladder economically is blisteringly difficult and is hinged on a lot of the other factors on the list. 

I was born into a very regular family of really good people who mostly can't catch a break. Me following suit in this is just par for the course. It was always going to be that way no matter what I did. It's the stock I'm bred from. I don't have any real aptitudes for anything useful and lucrative, so I'm realistically probably never going to have gainful employment. I'll hop odd jobs forever. I could kid myself and say some of my anecdotal skills are of any value to people, but they're really not. Anyone can write, anyone can be abstractly creative. I don't have practical, in-demand skills or aptitudes for anything, so I won't ever get a worthwhile job because of that. So I'll always be broke, always live in my town after all my friends left, always be overlooked, and always be kind of aimless and well-intended. And I'm just very tired of it. Very very tired of it. 
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suicidewatch,rm07h98,2019/02/25,"You are a work in PROGRESS Even if this post will make you cringe(I understand) just keep reading trust me.

This is meant for everyone here who are at their lowest points. I have been suicidal before and have attempted to do so twice. When i was at those stages, nothing mattered, life was just too annoying and empty, the black and horrible parts of the world(not just myself) were always present. The truth is, this world is FUCKED UP. But... if you take your life away, you will leave this world full of hate, fear, guilt, shame, worry.. etc... and the negative part is that you won’t see when it DOES get better. IT WILL GET BETTER. Ive met COUNTLESS previous suicidal people who are leading a better life right now who do not believe how much their perception of this world changed; jumping from hospital to hospital made me feel like crap and hopeless 24/7, but it did help.  Being suicidal is like being under a drug. It hurts, it messes with your concentration, your temper, your relationships, your school, your work, your PERSONALITY...EVERYTHING! But... its treatable, and nearly impossible to stay permanently ingrained inside your brain IF you get help. 
For those of you who don’t seek mental help, if you do seek help your life will change forever.
For those who do see therapists, ALWAYS say the truth, even if you think its weird and embarrasing, ITS THEIR JOB.
And for those of you afraid to say its for attention, seeking attention like this is OKAY, it means you’re hurt, your therapist WILL understand, and it does not mean you are faking(some people feel like this when they don’t mean it as an unconscious cry for help), you all deserve the help. And you CAN achieve peace of mind. 
I promise you guys.

Feel free to DM me. 

Diagnosis: borderline personality disorder
Experience: MANY months of hospitilizations and meeting people so similar to me. (Non-functioning). Along with 3 years of honest therapy and 1 year of group therapy.

 You are the most HUMANE people in this world.

Do message me if you feel like doing so. 
         


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suicidewatch,AmyCampbell2000,2019/02/25,i want to give up i don't know why i try anymore,-4.774615384615384,-3.6177326923076905,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,106.69230769230772,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.8089692307692309,37,1,12,0,2,14,11,13,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506825537650646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902469470184026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808604136132598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469702669906369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30143128075057785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611442834935398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommonAge0,2019/02/25,"Fuck this I wish there was assisted suicide for trans people. I’m never going to be happy. I’m always going to be a lesser man. Never a real man. If I’m never going to be a real man, why should I even keep fighting? Today is the day that I’m done. No more. Fuck anybody who thinks being trans is a fun trend. I can’t think of a worse thing to be born with. It’s just silent suffering while society and your parents make you suffer more. No more. It ends now. Hopefully I’ll be reincarnated in the right body this time.",0.17634438955539974,2.409703458715597,2.7277064220183505,90.44021171489064,87.80733944954126,5.188708539167255,16.64149611856034,6.67199483983844,-0.06456019760056453,403,9,85,5,13,139,72,109,0.231,0.667,0.102,-0.9403,1,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,2,0,0,4,8,3,0,7,0,12,3,1,1,3,16,27,3,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,2,0,5,3,8,18,3,15,0,2,0,2,8,2,2,2,10,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072079721967767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878534060764057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090679512189842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730677507265978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978949375600584,0.0,0.0,0.11170169610317687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31269611707462325,0.0,0.0,0.2883431697430697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800306290624247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797361452675386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032099559499232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288843936863628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.391305667175401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877869577275648,0.0,0.0,0.1172460216446947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384989554096424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444269496857198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498905418818015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123553416014916,0.21672962470551452,0.0,0.0,0.0986148180734401,0.0,0.16030531240683732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260385448438998,0.0,0.1944788373133254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723470048680195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImpressiveHour,2019/02/25,"Im pathetic I have ptsd after a assault and rape in 2017. 
Im so tired of therapy, and meds thats not working, or even worse; gives me more nightmares. 
I feel like I’ve taken all the advices I can. Been inpatients, outpatiens, mindfullness, medtitation, and antipsychotica and antidepressive. 
I have now quit my job. I have worked 8 years nightshift, and I don’t function anymore. I fee so ashamed for this. 
I’ve gotten a new job at daytime but idk what I want anymore. I feel like people are just gonna judge me because Im a bit wierder now. I can’t handle people to close to me, Im always on guard, I get scared easly, have lots of anxety problems and no self-esteem. 
Im not even sure If I want to try this new job. Im just so tired of my everyday struggle. 
As for now all I do is try not to drink alcohol. I made it almost 1 month but failed again this saturday. 
It all just sucks right now.. 

im sorry",0.6335309017223949,2.8498477127659605,2.776960486322192,91.09833333333334,85.17021276595744,6.134143870314086,22.250253292806484,7.447530270364453,0.9030614994934149,702,25,154,12,21,237,112,188,0.241,0.7140000000000001,0.045,-0.9883,3,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,13,11,3,3,4,0,11,5,0,1,4,30,22,14,0,4,10,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,2,1,1,0,6,8,0,0,4,2,19,3,14,17,6,17,0,1,0,1,1,5,1,4,14,87,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102376817580153,0.0,0.09954756263259416,0.0932749027785004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750712639999541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475683250485814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567825433937354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169418426418994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125020036016483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230475899798578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419749743826808,0.13309080708096516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866631728117062,0.08935665860106214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.704315572196533,0.0,0.2773069418541438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101543599899176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919163855085465,0.0,0.08813949078869855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034671347597912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435035186160141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992706448625545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291550701681388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913066381024537,0.10888576973796338,0.0,0.0,0.09907503934043248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954842543552286,0.0,0.0,0.09325803366418747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717434139083896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427227082384316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737917816262172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877914862301711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065235822418095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412130670138824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648361761664534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988295678136767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356266315220077,0.0,0.09492641709606717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998466701821217
suicidewatch,fletcher_365,2019/02/25,"I just want to die I done want to be here anymore, I fuck up everything because I’m so socially awkward, it’s ruined all of my relationships and I have no one. I want to die but I’m too scared. I want to find a aimless way to go but there are none.",-0.6988690476190449,1.083622089285715,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,87.0357142857143,5.8761904761904775,21.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.5405333333333333,191,7,48,3,6,68,39,56,0.287,0.625,0.08800000000000001,-0.904,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,12,4,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,7,0,7,10,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252697775900224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846731130732312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714875198896177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23245126611825576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414597407098625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760915509604727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999466399457786,0.0,0.0,0.12909344192651076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539213621234529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438719421537721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227414772349076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231548778602668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359110978355155,0.18029950799288325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeriousMood,2019/02/25,"Why Stay?   

I attempted to take my own life a few weeks ago… and then spent over a week in the hospital trying to get mentally better. 

I felt like I was making progress. I felt like I was becoming more in tune with myself and feeling mentally prepared for life. 

I am not happy with who I am or the mistakes I have made in the past… so I have continued to go to therapy to try and change that… to love myself. 

But it’s not working. Nothing is.

Every time something goes wrong, I just am right back at the giving up stage.

This weekend I made a mistake. I made plans with two different people and had to bail on one of them. I had a very tough decision to make due to my personal relationships with each of them, and I picked one over the other. I made a mistake. The person I chose to hang out with never would have left my life or blamed me for this mistake… yet the one I didn’t pick, did. 

I found out today that he had to cut off all ties with me… and it hurts me because of how much that person means to me.

I don’t have any more fight in me.. all I wanted to do is drive to my friend and beg for them to change their mind. But I didn't. I just let them give up. Because I feel like I am giving up. Losing this friend put me right back in the deep end.

  
I know it seems petty because I am leaving out a lot of details, but whether or not this person is toxic or a decent person and I am the toxic one is irrelevant… my point is that I went right back to wanting to commit suicide. 

If I have to live the rest of my life like this, what’s the point?

I don’t have my parents support or love, and now I have lost someone who I thought was going to help me get through that. Once again, I am lost, alone and hopeless. 

I know life could easily turn around and could be amazing… I just really don’t know if I can hold on.

I want to know what keeps you from giving up… what motivates you to keep breathing and keep up hobbies. Even when you’re at your lowest and all you feel is tears behind your eyes… and that feeling of hurt in your stomach… what helps drive you to live another day?",2.906350483501882,3.682205894736846,4.083943308481583,90.89061858714106,73.5766590389016,7.103240569867867,24.16542407913191,7.233258080335977,0.7501499815457295,1604,44,367,16,31,525,200,437,0.113,0.769,0.118,-0.1979,3,1,1,0,1,3,36.0,0,7,5,9,14,24,2,0,18,0,39,8,1,10,5,87,82,29,1,11,17,1,6,4,2,1,5,0,0,5,20,25,0,4,16,1,1,7,9,13,0,5,21,6,64,11,61,56,11,55,0,6,0,2,33,28,0,9,22,261,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630559301270512,0.0,0.0,0.07367329061486634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837350643737948,0.07459011979282539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332427209761271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409278619789106,0.0,0.13008773634435208,0.07856182845119608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291217362088221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050051550411994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358929744327527,0.0,0.0,0.04587549510883924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431980870031361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300354147445543,0.0,0.0,0.046983284786763266,0.0,0.0599333975028598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386979376246264,0.05081808829095103,0.1365994413572927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799467418312687,0.1099157837983323,0.0,0.0743290768951592,0.27295256018160224,0.08085409462862737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572338299829517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953591373327803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230067005769382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189681295589614,0.0,0.0,0.15637337349196245,0.0,0.0,0.0753205527682866,0.07728721469362004,0.07273925500325859,0.2512199649362484,0.1390097652536566,0.0,0.12562511321641834,0.0,0.0,0.0795806636800717,0.15530215822683768,0.060475516950381225,0.12840228422514646,0.26923454883520065,0.09496489097337976,0.0,0.0,0.07748569498816915,0.0,0.0,0.14337252556483646,0.0,0.0718249835022495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229161765071403,0.0,0.0548628661305033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825491692134747,0.0,0.0,0.0757553056694478,0.19280874679259946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898580256117635,0.0,0.0679053777885272,0.04931530511371556,0.31055698586347297,0.0,0.0,0.13448909814276835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150923921381963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455702121015458,0.0,0.0,0.07637121140279594,0.0,0.18224394287710502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475765124156523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027154151059591,0.05476236866111134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581929648228364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778089654729071,0.0807219320296397,0.0,0.0,0.05348385682963951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134783951140198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647238855508473,0.0414787621260436,0.0,0.06742664085140321,0.0,0.0,0.09659052775134708,0.07737328082200334,0.06948750590560858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869293562902924,0.1258698911335613,0.0,0.11411868344393344,0.0,0.0,0.06594185861498535,0.06418730068498896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051786342621671685,0.0,0.0,0.0505314974566608,0.07777377722434334,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,absurdlyunsteady,2019/02/25,"Is suicide prevention actually good? PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU COMMENT. Just so I get it out of the way: I'm not talking about mentally ill people or children. The demographic of this opinion is already established people. I really want to hear what people think about this. Recently I have been thinking about ending my life quite frequently and I know that people in my life currently are gonna try to prevent. What they don't seem to understand is that I have already established that I don't belong in the world, I genuinely don't enjoy anything in life to the point that I don't want to go through it anymore. It's an unchanging opinion based on my personal experience on this earth. So for example by saving me, you put me through a lifetime of feeling tired by my own existence. Do I really need to suffer through it just so people feel better? Does it really help anyone? Can it be called saving a life when the life is already dead? I think not.",4.330677655677653,6.346214741758241,5.4804615384615385,77.38120512820514,71.91208791208791,9.029157509157507,30.814652014652015,9.558583805096642,3.1891328937728938,761,34,134,19,15,252,104,182,0.116,0.789,0.095,-0.8392,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,1,2,9,6,0,0,8,0,15,7,0,0,0,24,31,6,2,3,5,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,0,2,15,2,0,2,8,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,3,19,5,24,28,1,16,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,4,5,92,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.1154547807829958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916784477176568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733303730101445,0.08272602515720079,0.0,0.09736013480310343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067421847389582,0.0,0.0,0.10463674723521513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080908475181602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353503258938644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478871202119404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573117219626465,0.0,0.0,0.11964351554139033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812781085694886,0.0,0.067239049103365,0.09923392117933204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333454551777417,0.0,0.07930158326580465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650208068433565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178339176433817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192299824864312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772634396068564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101108592358795,0.10330488031696404,0.0,0.12987030009812814,0.1118424381031548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893555345408288,0.0,0.12583865104122488,0.11834333577640857,0.0,0.2273797815598852,0.0,0.11681815438117844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770618140366926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941338034010835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509415670186798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742734814287024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359814569535626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032561947819097,0.0,0.0,0.1231662556071732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395661626363394,0.09391001812584254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,potatoewaffles,2019/02/25,"Can you be suicidal while not being clinically depressed I want to kill myself every time something in my life goes wrong, big or small. I think about it at least once a day. I’m pretty sure suicide is how i’ll die. I don’t know how i’ll do it or exactly when, but I probably will. However, I am not depressed as far as I know. Does anybody else feel like this?",0.7346052631578956,2.8247208815789486,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,83.60526315789474,6.43157894736842,22.657894736842106,7.6454224807358475,1.0253736842105263,281,10,62,5,8,96,59,76,0.16,0.672,0.16899999999999998,-0.0762,1,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,2,14,14,9,4,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,6,11,1,9,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607532203399605,0.0,0.3634620456036149,0.0,0.2189811110137856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464450630425933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626054639789066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777369696925094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668619744999548,0.15073598035154095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23343642528370195,0.0,0.23191637610643684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903310601429345,0.10308225844693304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470444384953786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465935006954392,0.22748997200496224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162435455644147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615919679444659,0.0,0.19886175512292467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519807214906565,0.0,0.0,0.12303378743884938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445123429365973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306916090277497,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shreddedfurniture,2019/02/25,"I keep wanting to skin myself and crush my own skull I've basically got 2 options for how my life can play out:

1. Kill myself

2. Get admitted so that they can ""save my life"" while forcing me to live in terrible conditions, losing all autonomy. ""Hey, we know you are miserable with treatment resistant depression and a dissociative disorder that is only getting worse, but we are going to make your life better by forcing you to deal with it against your will on a daily basis. Sure you will be miserable the whole time, but hey! You made it to 65! Isn't that cool?""

I have a job that doesn't pay well, but is perfect in every other way for me. It is the least stressful environment possible, and I can't handle it. I almost end up on the train tracks every single morning. I also have urges to rip off my own skin and crush my skull, among other things.

It has been this way for 14 years, around a year into high school. The biggest mistake I made in that time period was not killing myself when I was younger, which I would have if I knew how much worse things were going to get.",4.3012305295950135,5.342489901869161,5.192691588785049,83.24405295950156,70.54205607476634,8.32348909657321,26.88348909657321,8.648137234880735,1.8150128348909655,845,27,170,14,15,276,131,214,0.14,0.746,0.114,-0.4559,1,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,2,6,1,3,7,16,2,3,8,1,22,7,4,5,3,34,36,14,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,16,11,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,9,1,0,8,3,28,7,25,24,7,25,0,4,0,0,13,13,0,3,8,122,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759161324944974,0.0,0.0,0.1098830114560394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231989613619396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215238689383786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165888588755873,0.11834702952549316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747843921680066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170035902644526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315398729365075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536587783512331,0.0,0.1561812576686933,0.0,0.10989561331713978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517629992500025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635361123734724,0.12213219148015013,0.30403733043977665,0.0,0.07551438875806757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911603939573621,0.0,0.0,0.12133144441868135,0.0,0.0,0.15372144350574746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600325353841558,0.09171914035224034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010087447980321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450296296902878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490389040397878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906155334384046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739736805433746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295029194365492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257202249062512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024433308272715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104523747438752,0.2181319476430528,0.0,0.0,0.12354391440956805,0.0,0.0,0.15340817002244025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800555879271004,0.09760882069007024,0.0,0.0,0.17696908513249626
suicidewatch,DontWantToChuckThis1,2019/02/25,"No will to live. Been battling an existential level of despair all winter, and for the last few winters especially. I am 35, have no hope of owning my own home, insufficient financial and relationship stability to think about a family. I work a full time job in a career that I just started after 15 years of cooking for money. 


I'm just so done with working most of my life just to be barely getting by, everything gets more expensive every time I turn around, and there are so many things coming up that need money that I don't have.


I am watching a slightly younger set of friends succeed in career, some are getting married, and I just feel so god damn hopeless. Like every decision I've made in the last few years has backed me into this terrible corner. 


My relationship with my girlfriend is hollow, and does not add anything good to my life,I want to break off something I should never have started, but we live together and there is no hope of finding a place of my own that I can afford, as I can barely afford where we live now. I was basically emotionally blackmailed into moving in with her in the first place. And I did so when I had a much better paying but far more stressful job. 


It seems like most mornings I spend at work to thinking about leaving the shop, driving way out into the woods and blowing my fucking brains out. I'm so tired of this life, the people in charge don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves our Earth is probably going to die at our useless hands and my life has been meaningless. 


I have lost touch with so many friends from the past because I feel worthless and embarrassed to reach out and see how they are doing, which just further deepens my sense of isolation and depression. 


Don't really know who cares in my life. I'm so sick of staying alive just because my family would be devastated if I took my own shitty life, there is no light, no hope and no end in sight to this piece of garbage life.",9.621230158730157,6.963993523809527,9.107347883597884,71.8461011904762,60.85185185185186,11.883862433862436,38.96891534391534,9.978442167317967,3.7165550264550262,1544,58,292,23,16,496,205,378,0.193,0.706,0.101,-0.9923,4,1,1,0,0,1,31.0,4,0,1,7,25,24,4,2,15,0,32,13,2,2,2,61,62,27,1,8,11,0,4,2,3,3,8,0,1,0,11,28,1,0,8,2,6,5,11,13,0,1,9,8,36,11,52,48,15,54,0,6,3,2,13,27,3,8,20,208,47,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219276114698227,0.0,0.07319456721800865,0.07918035185497259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839359862930887,0.0,0.1084407015357915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866506598897605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929259318259813,0.0,0.0,0.09068586437103393,0.0,0.0,0.0766186718132912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660862815306634,0.0,0.09231138551669227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783680576868922,0.09102212692929457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005171489604374,0.07877931189429035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988083857719636,0.0,0.07993847946838284,0.0,0.16769980145331198,0.0,0.08994703384710198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129457491198376,0.0756569962066004,0.0,0.0,0.13743814413138988,0.16445736157758772,0.13941105677160784,0.08532462766243792,0.05054977696183671,0.07460326476289621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892195878996961,0.2650288502283666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652936693877147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488821202506543,0.1450049065390189,0.0,0.09418044096757644,0.0,0.0,0.4397738557559243,0.08690855622544633,0.0,0.23562151612963675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709451940704757,0.0,0.0,0.08416238198294927,0.0,0.18035355134072714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453498939781094,0.06538517613383392,0.0659519606541863,0.06860025232172039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490854340737264,0.06166360988279779,0.0,0.18585823122021908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589829191071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698076438595424,0.0,0.0,0.19098835849679985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087804707313425,0.08097264193901475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847459079062969,0.0,0.0,0.12591216430891994,0.09480406760317152,0.0,0.0,0.10188676885167317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059091437437070224,0.11398536888855493,0.0,0.0,0.1037296717627066,0.10222976695255176,0.0,0.0,0.09882172237308166,0.0,0.09674716181839524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246235994385376,0.07060079721600064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426014832410746,0.0,0.0,0.06318433068144014,0.0,0.0,0.11455597062183424
suicidewatch,ImTheRealXeno,2019/02/25,I am so tired I don't know what to do anymore. I am 22 and I am so lost in this life. I am alone and always misunderstood by other people. I don't know how to cope with my loneliness anymore. It came to a point where I hate it. Solitude is fine but it is sad sometimes. I am just a suicidal person who doesn't want to live anymore. I feel like I am a burden to my parents and to people I know. It'd better off if I am dead. My existence means nothing to anyone for a while. Even to me. World will be happier without me. I am just a waste of time and space. I don't know how can I survive with this loneliness anymore. I just want to end my life. I am so tired of living. I have no more will to live. I am so tired of being strong all the time because it drains my energy.,-0.8612352941176482,1.0902938764705894,2.023823529411768,95.69220588235297,89.64705882352942,5.0470588235294125,18.5,6.508806274219699,-0.0914470588235292,589,17,142,7,20,206,86,170,0.278,0.617,0.106,-0.9848,1,1,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,4,11,8,1,0,6,0,24,5,0,2,1,24,35,13,2,3,6,1,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,1,26,4,20,28,2,11,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,106,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012153758831074,0.0,0.0,0.10453964343571033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4983906458534442,0.08784797115839492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658685227367945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111152860996286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369470104468213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112766597194828,0.0,0.0,0.08298173200057239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352559598141265,0.08975475006654247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404004608487805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761861676983309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748156944025464,0.061379654158361864,0.0,0.3328180285216034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137147095308252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368549943787213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055162276104416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950447972569693,0.0,0.0,0.17420107815133987,0.1097009572182517,0.0,0.0,0.118767114195324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242577239795071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374259537071286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651932226878106,0.4332020698141795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482073411198796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110911528510107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quotedspider,2019/02/25,I cant feel anything but the urge to die I just go off from February break.  I thought I'd feel better if I www around people but all I have is the urge to scream and take my own life.,1.4942857142857164,1.9653150952380969,3.074761904761907,97.95357142857144,76.61904761904762,6.552380952380951,21.142857142857142,6.42735559955562,-0.1056285714285714,142,3,38,1,3,47,32,42,0.199,0.715,0.086,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,8,4,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,5,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144259403351416,0.34013940561891426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379258636974926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965471113214597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863904354198228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714946558283105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26988011617820523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648917707800543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872826906592506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033352621471514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wnlcpb,2019/02/25,"I just want it all to just be over Hello, I’m sorry for this but:

I just want to go to sleep and let that be the end. I have spent years hoping I would find that one person who was my “match” my person, and I just don’t want to try and find them anymore. I just want it all to be over now. I did everything they told me to do. Go to school get a good job. Work on myself. Make myself interesting. But none of it matters. I’ve moved and lived in big cities but still can’t connect. And every time it seems I do. It all eventually ends. 

I don’t know if I will last the year or even the day. I just don’t want to last any longer. If someone knows the easiest way I appreciate it. If there is a spot near Tucson where I can go to be at peace that’s appreciated as well.",-0.18343543334493265,1.5414991005917145,2.181733379742429,97.126954403063,84.62130177514793,5.3965889314305615,15.858336233901849,6.522977012572876,-0.6607642882004874,584,10,150,6,17,199,99,169,0.013,0.77,0.217,0.9871,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,12,4,0,0,6,0,18,1,1,1,3,35,35,13,0,10,13,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,5,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,4,0,20,4,18,24,4,23,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,6,10,102,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992655738425524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476442884212204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941394925171529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585747099673624,0.0,0.0,0.09641274881331033,0.0,0.12298722035287435,0.0,0.13118970353222356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668304739446414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626404425257624,0.0,0.2488767723884331,0.1224339048211612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449825604230117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448541144855544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044415421352198,0.23797238609092736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492656708300712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889544164641425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743705895675647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514452257533798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891401462186207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549132339823913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773087405469726,0.0,0.13288690203823236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460768427418287,0.0,0.12368111379665014,0.0,0.0,0.16340305822776874,0.0,0.0,0.11657296770564285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511711116188206,0.0,0.0,0.13948195102847766,0.0,0.0991050150292957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43048863910134416,0.11586532190131402,0.0,0.0,0.13124584057202754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626893512881656,0.0,0.0,0.1036939114317106,0.0,0.0,0.1880016222934116
suicidewatch,Psychedelicssss,2019/02/25,"Increasing Thoughts of Suicide Recently i’ve been having recurring thoughts of just wanting to go, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve come to the verdict that there’s nothing more I’d want than nothingness but the only thing that’s stopping me is the impression it would leave on others around me- and that’s why I won’t. However, on a daily basis I find myself still contemplating it for hours on end, I’ve had previous encounters with self-harm which I have since overcome, but my looming thoughts and feelings still remain. To a lot of people my problems may seem small or may pail in comparison to that of others’ .  A bit about myself, what i’m feeling and what’s going on- I’m a 14 year old student and to put it simply I can’t stop feeling alone, useless and sometimes all the pain i’m feeling turns into anger that I simply can’t let out. These emotions became increasingly common after I became truly alone. Sometimes the anger, sadness and pain goes but the loneliness never does which is again, what leads me to feel all this. I began to feel more and more alone as soon as close friends became people i rarely talk to this may sound like nothing to some and i’m sorry if it appears that way but words don’t express how much I wish I just had a friend to talk to or someone to wish me happy birthday. Every single moment is a struggle, I find myself walking into every room believing that everyone is talking about me, saying how out-of-place I am and how I don’t belong, that very well may not be the case but my mind can’t possibly decipher what’s simply paranoia/anxiety and what’s real. It’s all becoming a lot to handle and although I contemplate suicide everyday, as of now I don’t think I could ever do that and put those i love under extreme stress, but i’m still struggling to cope with it all, and suicide keeps looking like the only option to stop the constant pain, conflicting thoughts and everything.",6.0343810944132175,6.404003538258575,6.403804061030173,78.50006653665254,66.38786279683377,8.913204083973845,32.57324767695308,8.716276077567194,2.649188964093152,1547,61,283,22,23,500,194,379,0.209,0.6759999999999999,0.116,-0.9908,1,3,0,0,1,3,31.0,0,0,0,1,19,19,2,3,16,0,27,4,0,4,6,83,59,30,3,8,12,0,6,2,2,6,3,2,1,0,29,22,0,5,15,0,0,10,11,11,1,0,8,9,29,8,41,42,15,49,0,2,1,1,8,14,0,13,26,197,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25430797609003125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261311294012664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286162705696027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039413254842192,0.0,0.09221410377260868,0.0,0.0,0.08935627092210803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050437337642454,0.0,0.08844806988941803,0.0,0.06534856820159221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162529820037827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920674203433341,0.07249259075735291,0.0,0.0,0.05405950136729886,0.07403574897708105,0.1379200964324879,0.07820879308127887,0.07355925481606718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24830732933788105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961426314043572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647034985956807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930316400601992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871281849558149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060329988996247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274981804569121,0.0,0.0,0.04498124511975106,0.0,0.0,0.08666468391563062,0.0,0.083694613374772,0.0,0.07997310776486098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873128559484293,0.0,0.0,0.1391676340258058,0.07387056366043199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264264219644332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601673294814726,0.0,0.0631258372005411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706976604045358,0.0,0.08588518228687693,0.0,0.0,0.12449742281858718,0.261274529807606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348550091051768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227075765107116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831700308647986,0.0,0.16455868646047045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931603729044876,0.0,0.0,0.08081453140555117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650884165636015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451088938810721,0.08538479204906563,0.0,0.0,0.06770509721193355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934912055402362,0.0,0.16189853929106404,0.09162157451593546,0.05793208127323497,0.0,0.1960905560096408,0.20528452291647786,0.093756033917436,0.17112955453708342,0.0,0.26858363955147224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735775883407655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437584168210692,0.05244457269601259,0.0,0.25991108796789186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902657614028532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753275868830277,0.0965515513686626,0.06496673525899803,0.0,0.0,0.07359073136265873,0.0,0.07385463755656732,0.0,0.188241169801743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814211518517805,0.0,0.0,0.05270710607528074
suicidewatch,Damarou,2019/02/25,"I feel so weak and I feel so much shame I'm in a psych ward right now for the 5th time. I don't want to be here actually, my therapist really wanted me to go because she knew I'm getting worse. So I signed up. But I'm hopeless for the future. I just can't imagine me getting better. 
I've seen many therapists and different psych wards and I've come to the conclusion that the problem is me. I'm so fucking weak. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore.

I hate myself for being like this. I feel like a whiny little bitch. 

My little sister's birthday is in a week. She doesn't know how bad I'm doing. No one knows. Except for my boyfriend whom I will lose too.
 I won't be able to go to her birthday party because of the rules here (You can't go home the first weekend).
I have to tell her I'm in a psych ward again. She (and my parents) will be so surprised because I never talk about any bad thing when I visit them. I already feel the shame. I feel so much shame, worse is, it's all in my head. It's not like my sister ever gave me reason to be ashamed of my feelings. But I somehow am. I feel ashamed for being sad. I feel shame for not wanting to live anymore. For being in a psych ward. I feel ashamed of myself because I feel shame. It's so stupid. 

I want my little sister to be proud of me. I want to be her rolemodel. When we were younger she always looked up to me. 
I want my dad to be proud of me. I was always giving my best. I was a smart, ambitious kid.


They don't know. They don't know how bad it is. Of course I don't show my sadness when I visit my family. I don't want my family to worry. Because it won't do shit. It will only stress me out. My family shouldn't worry over me. But sometimes, I want them to know, but I don't want their response.

I'm in this fucking psych ward because I don't want my family to worry about me. I hate myself so fucking much, I don't want to live anymore. But I can't just go kill myself. I'd hurt my family so much. My sister is only 18, she would be devastated. My dad, he will go mad at my mom, thinking it's her fault that I killed myself. My death will cause so much harm to them, I can't do them like that. 
It's so conflicting because my family did do alot harm to me. 

I signed up to this psych ward because I know if I don't ""seek help"", sooner or later I'd be gone. And my family devastated.

But.

I don't want to live in this world and I don't want to be Anna anymore. 


",-0.4202017455097433,1.4999259514925392,2.1746926385024032,95.65204275234,87.05970149253731,4.9771818871742965,18.226536807487985,6.284505531432783,-0.24756035922084466,1874,49,447,18,59,646,180,536,0.222,0.703,0.075,-0.9972,2,0,0,0,0,4,71.0,1,1,7,8,27,44,11,9,14,0,57,7,2,4,3,71,114,30,3,18,13,8,10,4,0,9,2,0,1,1,19,9,0,1,21,2,0,9,25,34,0,2,8,12,98,10,51,84,8,40,0,5,2,3,36,18,5,4,17,291,117,7,0.056107883860862094,0.0,0.05475320098865105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191644505137785,0.0,0.09337250816220033,0.0,0.0,0.03815528504670637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782197207591734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405432181878359,0.2736227618162537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888176253062637,0.04962286371611393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763825235303083,0.0,0.04833197381456997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862079668026585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075279318912261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370254636011637,0.0,0.2836983193333191,0.04008348344108517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047725337349323535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561250355691464,0.05862810709958927,0.05382379480511301,0.15943701702409452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078983852305392,0.057582875966130265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037607931848503764,0.0,0.05628078226966597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006465012390867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124150120834899,0.0,0.18501255373200906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096459117429308,0.16870451909567327,0.14863286817967744,0.0,0.04711649131148043,0.06277037019943801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568845877543168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571287545571518,0.0,0.0,0.2062287524679657,0.0,0.04327385897481873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038020154187567684,0.08534514798852823,0.0,0.0,0.0623011651071002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368766731961413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035944147125745146,0.057688249363827326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791582624890724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057593936491218516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055492131813268064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427139139386605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04509739171849435,0.04904076354948125,0.0,0.0,0.13029115535446334,0.03727558491007855,0.035951666440986615,0.0,0.0,0.03271695828691837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633143704879309,0.0,0.0450063600578012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709408388066015,0.11435745416967864,0.039857430880924534,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Con-Struct,2019/02/25,"Petition to ban enabling comments on this sub I see so many’s comments like “ I’ll see you up there”, “good luck” etc. wtf?  This sub is clearly not supposed to be a platform for sharing or supporting suicide methods, as is made clear by the rules. Say what you want but I believe that the vast majority of people commenting here in vulnerable states are reaching out, trying to connect. It is not empathic to approve of and enable someone’s suicide. This cannot be appropriate. Mods, please weigh in.",2.852756598240469,5.736410150537638,3.9481329423264913,81.814926686217,81.90322580645163,6.392570869990226,32.11045943304008,7.686295010490155,2.672255913978495,396,22,68,7,11,128,72,93,0.152,0.6709999999999999,0.17800000000000002,-0.4970000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,2,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,2,12,12,5,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,4,5,14,9,2,8,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,2,1,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667663897415742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406873916774937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985971596135873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156771923276172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404394849540624,0.0,0.2400545280178245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415123135917506,0.0,0.0,0.2599098414245092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882944277535264,0.0,0.0,0.3773609337987941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062022798127907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179908129417198,0.2686915250712245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075591574923134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965710085997202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wexpyke,2019/02/25,"Is there anything else I can do? The first time I ever had the urge to kill myself I think I was 11.  Not much has changed for me since then.  I've done therapy before, with a couple different people.  I also tried leaning on illicit drugs, lots of different stuff.  Nothing helps.  I'm not happy.  I'm a waste of resources.  I'm useless to those around me.  I'm about to graduate college without a job or any skills to speak of and I can't keep coming up with reasons not to do it.  Nothing works, nothing helps for more than a few hours at a time.  Nothing is ever going to get better.  I'm tired of therapists repeating my own points back to me and say in g they're just my opinion, and I can't think of anything else I could try to change my situation. ",1.4523440860215049,3.4517375032258117,3.361290322580647,89.36860215053764,80.41935483870971,6.197849462365593,24.526881720430108,7.3011,1.0974430107526882,583,22,123,8,15,196,98,155,0.121,0.8440000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9106,3,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,4,8,4,1,0,7,0,12,2,0,1,2,22,23,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,3,2,15,2,25,19,5,17,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,9,82,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739368012884952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281989768816038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044200694144795,0.10841698529939403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364732036993048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363246948547897,0.0,0.0,0.10771143475749877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576707419835708,0.10490942792039408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723766877330076,0.13475591258114306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544847130621637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463122941519444,0.0,0.0,0.1412352126164059,0.0,0.2034762016269713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203281214734019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359266223710498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362911226707813,0.0,0.06921482788807437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964540498296628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326362464039593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119936475923343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085562473482613,0.10825061520280506,0.13474018465505674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353965414834852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952806490029477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674348131829258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443234375133694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512886049283913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521816844698647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685056711978424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074414785414863,0.1368946186804106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394179228260865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392749924839266,0.1414050523134584,0.0,0.15607344213083812,0.0,0.0,0.1420309209942222,0.13997718981036875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537187843448262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739911786640456,0.0,0.08866298752030702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayypt124,2019/02/25,"Lost all hope I never thought I’d be making a throwaway and post something like this but here I am. 

I have always dealt with depression for years and self harm. It’s decreased a bit, but some events have triggered it and I’m just at the end of my rope. If it wasn’t for my job I’d be dead right now. That’s the only thing weirdly is that’s keeping me from attempting is having work at 8 am. I used to be happy, have a great support system, be the strong one out of the people around me. Now I have no one. My parents don’t give a fuck, my friends ignore me unless I have something to offer. My life consists of me getting high off Xanax and drinking when I’m not working or attempting to get my degree. I’m only in my early 20s I’m young but just seeing the suffering of those even older than me makes me realize this isn’t worth it anymore. I also went thru a very nasty breakup and it’s been six weeks since it happened but the relationship was toxic in a lot of ways so I’m very fucked up mentally because of it. Two months ago I was doing well in school, got a promotion and had fallen in love for the first time in almost 6 years. Now I’m just a shell of who I am and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want a painless way to sleep forever. ",1.6223429951690846,3.1293656111111114,3.323075684380033,92.14644927536234,78.07407407407408,6.028985507246378,22.850241545893716,6.7026698264267655,0.4852270531400964,985,30,222,9,23,328,152,270,0.16699999999999998,0.68,0.153,-0.8546,2,0,3,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,8,14,18,2,0,16,0,24,7,1,4,2,39,51,17,1,4,12,1,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,15,10,1,2,3,1,1,2,7,8,1,5,9,2,24,10,31,38,4,36,0,3,1,3,8,13,2,6,19,147,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725873292613204,0.0,0.12116349477788405,0.0,0.0,0.09676323556577852,0.10068125535456733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399979291700815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771518515346952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376015621586526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210008691507802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421666957195533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853341944590184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716961933307574,0.0,0.0,0.07991901134091653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061180969633677675,0.08644204833444133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292209069082983,0.0,0.0,0.09348389338669112,0.2237241277309184,0.126434462092307,0.1160737209610311,0.0,0.0,0.09677433279398573,0.13340234714573154,0.0,0.0,0.10699943516713294,0.12880618994775545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784258751254693,0.0,0.12017977947209148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200733073254232,0.10754989199660307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854655067985417,0.11822846206077785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208521925329714,0.10286942573174368,0.10920674933396897,0.0,0.1615361768155608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193901031607048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658062566850972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332225365635057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398475001780746,0.18405110469946406,0.0,0.0,0.13435559644898382,0.0,0.0,0.0838857999510108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588404865692488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990815218477744,0.0,0.1033328895848229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245792744528515,0.09642091484744422,0.0,0.12622884028743375,0.0,0.0,0.10009201518812924,0.0,0.12108685827779014,0.0,0.0,0.18630261302274154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730876907855086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038667390840787,0.0,0.0,0.0960600665080357,0.07055576628589376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819890409380025,0.0,0.0,0.10450469579211916,0.0,0.19967447612303127,0.1427372493946624,0.19208750064745966,0.09705847939069227,0.0,0.10879305849306853,0.11216772455162312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761781161989755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558393881422411
suicidewatch,thisstormblows,2019/02/25,"I can't focus and it's killing me. I'm graduating soon, but I can't get my head to focus long enough to work on my thesis or any of the other hundred things I need to do before I graduate. I can't handle job searching. I can't handle the big projects. I stare at blank pages for days at a time even after cutting out all distractions, staying up late into the night thinking ""well I just need to get one thing done and then I can sleep"" and then getting nothing done, up past 5-6 am and finally resigning and getting a few hours of sleep. Then I wake up with dread in my chest because if I'm going to skip classes and call out of work again, I better get shit done. And I know I won't. It's been months. I know I am about to fail a test. I know I am about to reach and pass the date my thesis is due with nothing done.   
It doesn't seem worth it. There's no motivation left.  If this is the best of my ability to work for the rest of my life, and that work is non negotiable part of life, it doesn't seem like I'll make it much further. I'm just waiting for catatonia to take over permanently... or i can get the fuck out of this painful vegetative body now. I want to hurt myself, but self harm no longer motivates me. My friends don't motivate me, my family don't motivate me, my pets don't motivate me. Suffering until death. Death before suffering.",2.7622216633132126,3.770993609154932,4.3096378269617714,88.25199530516434,74.17605633802816,7.944735077129444,25.495640509725014,8.418075326091056,1.424983769282361,1051,34,238,18,21,352,147,284,0.236,0.674,0.09,-0.9938,1,0,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,0,12,10,18,4,2,10,0,24,12,7,6,1,40,47,19,3,5,8,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,1,12,15,1,1,11,0,1,2,12,13,1,1,5,1,34,5,38,41,8,37,0,5,1,1,3,15,2,6,20,154,46,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200254952600553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454393026745943,0.0,0.18019346135215444,0.0,0.11111532825924714,0.09364293040840856,0.0,0.11760965838748545,0.0,0.0,0.1081160970217021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828433272415806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334111255361936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940313170858676,0.0,0.06993324525962574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981496004336372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159872002622795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180321470880199,0.09788505909038893,0.3319099710475257,0.0,0.06017447753569812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866420925766423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427122332559467,0.0,0.11334754648051708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050703194325444,0.0,0.11714137652401088,0.0,0.17456789467979172,0.0,0.11943811230625087,0.0,0.11503975861059915,0.0,0.14957342809671662,0.05172799247162156,0.0,0.0,0.09370114322544744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706762313622443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451301472427021,0.0,0.07783454347194205,0.15701848804661395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936192335022001,0.0,0.2031908950981122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174754510484306,0.0,0.11266459679297924,0.0,0.0,0.11465854813277172,0.10107516877301267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927797397422317,0.11045672736118706,0.0,0.10868508149081556,0.0,0.0,0.2119144572881582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285480528602057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796091566197103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406849481173218,0.0678441175394396,0.0,0.0,0.061739924272887735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245121718923668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519952154670032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083298254770553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VaginaLunchBox,2019/02/25,"What would your last meal or drink be? What would be your last meal or drink? Would you go all out and savour every bite, or would you go cheap as possible to leave more money behind? ",2.9401801801801817,4.5250568918918965,2.614594594594596,98.28423423423423,74.67567567567569,6.014414414414415,15.036036036036036,6.42735559955562,-0.8558396396396399,143,1,33,1,3,42,24,37,0.046,0.954,0.0,-0.1877,1,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,10,8,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499023137625406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347419196986404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610094084017541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37436015691695934,0.0,0.2431462872578249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25887467803108344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524936710946971,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tirasmira,2019/02/25,"No more room to repress it I tried reading some posts, thought maybe reading others stories would help, just can't do it. 27, man, had major depression for about 13 years. almost half my life. I ""cope"" by distraction. Compartmentalize that shit, push it down, deal with it later. I was medicated. Must've gone through about 20 different meds before I just gave up. Nothing seemed to have any effect. Was seeing a therapist. Can't anymore. Too expensive. Can't talk to my friends. I can't be that guy. Constantly vomiting out this fury and sadness. They'll grow to hate me, as I do. What do I do? I sit here staring at a wall, too weak to end it, too twisted to think of anything else. There's too much, I feel the abyss swallowing me. Maybe I should just get it over with. I contribute nothing. I live off the system because I'm disabled. Depression and back problems. Couldn't hold a job down for more than a few months. No aspirations. No future even if I do live through the day. 

​

If I'm being honest, I'm writing this in the hopes some stranger cares enough to say something, anything. Vampire off some goodwill, because I have no recourse. I know there is nothing real that can help me. I've long since given up hope that I can live a better life. I'd just hate to hurt the few people close to me. ",1.1931043198529423,3.8120075429687503,2.2808455882352945,92.1207720588235,88.8046875,5.043014705882354,23.54503676470589,6.661559191721324,0.8252067095588234,1025,41,205,13,34,324,155,256,0.18,0.733,0.087,-0.9759,2,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,2,16,17,3,2,10,0,23,7,1,1,0,32,41,5,0,8,6,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,1,2,14,6,1,2,6,2,1,3,9,11,0,1,7,4,23,6,31,28,10,28,0,4,2,0,11,13,1,9,9,131,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210964167011303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213063131016246,0.13604107512086802,0.07613519565184823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103213014015076,0.0,0.0,0.18426358690754424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608869677045287,0.0,0.13649696549362975,0.0,0.0952679073556628,0.0,0.0,0.0990176441666359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141485173417793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209866914197676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220356870879947,0.11542365527359025,0.1928583110479429,0.0,0.0,0.11697215258792885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935264402263263,0.0,0.0991614482842285,0.11568241530877728,0.0,0.07394712194860906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660926663790518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649837815194797,0.0,0.058493369912722665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085590035726066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210704499223105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008601014733464,0.0,0.0,0.22239886753528448,0.0,0.0,0.11985322304225192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110091767389046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152912132265025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581583192182408,0.0,0.0,0.29658257002412164,0.0990791981566526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495347148968586,0.0,0.12435996240166736,0.11278578264871995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936370938970561,0.0,0.08230192173359488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222798078986406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761749519489093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722469828083207,0.0,0.0,0.10712856817781796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239763490556492,0.1274325748796719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903339755889793,0.0,0.0,0.08921593284237744,0.10192224650105004,0.0,0.0,0.11492315200243952,0.092612712907889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861906435864776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998750075310978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299917245078177,0.0,0.07173808700796958,0.0,0.08888204862995433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601204946744884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953166368917365,0.0,0.13604107512086802,0.07209720219255886
suicidewatch,throwaway523136,2019/02/25,"School I really have a hard time with a school not cause of mental issues, or my actual intelligence, but I never feel motivated to do anything what so ever, I cannot do homework of study guides for tests, I have never studied with notes or anything ever, and Everytime I try it doesn't even seem to help I failed math last semester because of it and if I do again I feel like I have no other choice but to just give up",11.031356589147286,5.7976708953488405,10.957441860465117,67.56158914728684,60.976744186046496,14.257364341085275,39.131782945736425,11.20814326018867,4.0398108527131775,331,9,68,6,3,112,58,86,0.136,0.762,0.102,-0.4514,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,4,20,12,8,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,3,10,1,10,12,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,8,51,14,7,0.0,0.0,0.19908500595258669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33576683244069205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436302394503655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957517744356705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347471376276214,0.3690787004858841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206307870858252,0.14574527873033227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570564488800907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275350774958748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674406611360948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293415822512166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629594247052906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966931886111437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055947931480888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146912442024674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069447293086792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129394227031709,0.0,0.18572367138423387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896027479108935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385098678764813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irockthehouse7,2019/02/25,"help. i guess that's it. I think I'm pretty young to be depressed. I don't want to be. I don't really wanna talk about it, i just want to know how I can stop.  I don't think people hate me too much, but thinks like this just come down to me hating myself. 

​

This isn't me saying I'm ready to die, it's just i'm getting there.

I started cutting myself today, and I just want to know any alternatives or ways to cope. thanks.",-0.4217408123791096,1.6290912553191532,1.8023017408123816,97.36136363636363,88.57446808510639,4.269245647969052,14.9284332688588,5.565023196281405,-0.9548170212765958,334,6,79,2,11,112,55,94,0.194,0.638,0.168,-0.1421,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,20,25,4,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,14,2,10,23,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267676143364072,0.2272953799556117,0.12720553853537694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113350352471872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111238112567494,0.0,0.19413618914946135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772984172158324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060649642753252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693611790953993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253807229623523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560385893659328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138686314614428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750881162100526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296821422930624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030476188048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983384704709266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875566007478944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324002863226141,0.0,0.0,0.15638847546060305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034976132584593,0.0,0.17221744660647298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595767468599774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773086714777923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309941425842461,0.14847756477395566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272953799556117,0.0
suicidewatch,user728282,2019/02/25,"I'm broken I stumbled upon the bathroom mirror and for the first time in months reality hit me, I'm lost, I'm fat, I can't function anymore, my anxiety has taken over my non existent social life, I've been talking to three people for two years now, I walk around and I don't feel like my surroundings are real anymore, or that I'm real, I walk but I don't feel like my walking is real (idk how to explain this) like it's all a big dream, I see other people and I feel so fucking bad because they don't seem to be aware abt what's wrong with the world around them, but also jealous because they seem content enough without knowing it; I couldn't stop crying after seeing myself in the mirror: fat, stupid,  depressed adult, I've obeyed my parents in everything they pushed me into and now I'm drowning in self disgust. 
",5.227650602409639,5.33408031927711,6.096048192771086,80.92334939759041,68.09638554216869,7.844819277108432,31.057831325301212,7.1686216300943375,1.9158814457831324,647,24,124,5,10,214,103,166,0.229,0.725,0.047,-0.986,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,4,2,8,11,4,0,5,0,10,4,2,2,1,27,28,10,1,1,4,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,8,2,1,7,1,0,4,6,8,0,3,3,5,21,3,17,22,2,24,0,2,2,1,10,12,1,3,11,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983584554351083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506960005934368,0.0,0.2724213935691314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445347836919857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467848520031736,0.16745014938827044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086854238198713,0.0,0.0,0.11829623053874673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419155191838659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343806466830964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833936024138305,0.19624055383869812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682675543077005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697450945150265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548197514828736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701180566291842,0.20130150188487989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992979157485645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962856524377862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525068943095147,0.0,0.0,0.1904373642084287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689907271571298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889455532206992,0.2500699607623944,0.14328222205345933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000733170023547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148277184995464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039381270998706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800877751004246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416745003977834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239700317165906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016669880663708,0.0,0.08844656167967152
suicidewatch,MihuDS,2019/02/25,"I think I was born to be sad and there’s nothing I can do about it In my whole 20 years of life there rarely was a time when I could say that I’m happy. I came to a realization that it’s not the circumstances I was in that made me sad. There were so many different chapters in my life, some better than other, and I always found something to be depressed about. 

That’s why I think I was just born the way I was, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just incapable of feeling happy everyday, or even most days, especially when I’m sober. 
I cant fight who I really am. And I’m a man who wasn’t meant for this world and shouldn’t have even be born. 

For a long time the only things that made me reject suicide were guilt and a slight hope that maybe, just maybe something will change someday. 
I don’t have that hope anymore today. I guess I will be better off dead. 

I’m sorry if that’s not the kind of post this subreddit allows/expects/needs. ",2.6571641791044773,3.696908646766172,3.784258706467664,91.79817910447764,74.47263681592041,6.952039800995027,22.35522388059701,7.3011,0.5151814925373133,742,18,171,8,15,241,102,201,0.13699999999999998,0.747,0.115,-0.6504,1,0,2,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,15,13,1,1,9,0,25,2,0,2,0,28,41,11,2,5,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,17,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,13,2,20,7,16,20,3,20,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,7,12,112,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321855028757342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494178989407934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406802088382009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155624270387819,0.0,0.0,0.14394072489082332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863833761005827,0.0,0.0,0.08775188574700894,0.0,0.11719421061231912,0.0,0.0,0.14216093682121125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974179150963945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879950654885042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919031874326755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498930166283414,0.0,0.0,0.28969146327373685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702902413719898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416927245397645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922161328888254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204149134457983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25749955736152724,0.0,0.13795046713454875,0.2733949537614782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611196961316117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348499916650282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031446562904286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716793216758795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820585007045896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950187487173327,0.0,0.152315740322292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883509010796306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039679382520703,0.17437233442632155,0.0,0.0,0.1586833923590993,0.0,0.12897549923459886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800356171106346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277920189754607,0.15191382039198167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762261426434724
suicidewatch,otterbaskets,2019/02/25,"I think I just failed an important exam for the third time. I really wish I was dead. I don't necessarily want to kill myself, I just want to get a brain tumor and die from that where the brain tumor simultaneously explains why I'm so dumb and lazy and awkward, and at the same time it kills me without me having to feel guilty.  Sometimes I am so sad that it just hurts to be, and I want to not be anymore if that makes sense.  ",7.317808988764046,4.869322550561801,7.9369382022471955,77.7883286516854,65.06741573033706,10.697752808988763,31.238764044943814,8.841846274778883,2.1250876404494377,333,8,75,4,4,112,58,89,0.422,0.535,0.043,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,1,5,0,6,2,2,1,0,20,16,8,4,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,1,11,0,9,13,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493735065674185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613706596397306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446597104061735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448645011808308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079640302835487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121886670954324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572464665371796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793784065669734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238274884803386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437822389214816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241044258124826,0.0,0.0,0.2409939430092363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656555766809429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646591520968336,0.0,0.23763275515595705,0.19919941462311466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peterskaya,2019/02/25,"Being trans is one of the worst things ever I'll never be a real girl, no matter what.
I'll never bear my own kids.
I'll never be a girlfriend or a wife.
I'll never be myself, ever.

I can take hormones for the rest of my life, get surgery and what not, but it'll never make me an actual girl. My chromsomes will still be y's, I'll still have no functional female anatomy. It's all a fucking facade, and it might not even pass! And to do any of this I have to alienate myself from my family, friends, and the rest of society.

This is hopeless. Pointless. I'm never getting to be whole. I'm never going to be happy.
I really want to kill myself.",1.0130486425339351,2.858396786764711,3.5870588235294143,87.9783031674208,81.13235294117645,5.655203619909504,20.020361990950228,6.67199483983844,0.34880158371040704,497,13,103,5,13,174,77,136,0.13,0.784,0.087,-0.7934,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,8,0,16,2,0,1,10,23,25,6,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,4,0,1,0,0,11,2,11,15,6,13,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,2,11,82,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.13832437489604454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639264659905472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362238754339418,0.2564360901408761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362621507289413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951318276923233,0.13104258071888994,0.14811364668104013,0.0,0.08055794115021378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508920447205636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568217706697671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011991721160224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461705227803463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037089529448688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7652667914868521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960512621451413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133882694350968,0.09080659381669234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263982656641059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657591086161428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417023824122683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360590212196148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825517756868404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enlguy,2019/02/25,"I Think It's Finally Time After a year of the most bitter hell all brought about by my own poor choice (one choice, that's it, undid everything I had built over years and years and years), I feel like there's nothing left to do but end it.  I will never get my life back, my soul disappeared a year ago with everything else.  I am a shell that has taken beating after beating, and there is nothing left but for me to bash my head against the concrete wall until I'm dead. ",8.625,5.505821500000002,8.028333333333332,80.25000000000004,63.16666666666666,11.266666666666667,35.458333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.7051958333333337,368,11,80,4,4,116,66,96,0.231,0.752,0.017,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,5,0,6,2,1,0,2,11,12,6,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,3,2,10,1,12,8,3,20,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,15,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999362907326156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878578544288486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077636151349805,0.0,0.15986070183494844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244258200320857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126124367564913,0.1289422002316422,0.0,0.19771813858182685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094298654655958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523496675760906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39220615523017255,0.0,0.12748553166949392,0.08817837106970759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920513163303708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463703362502772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230479771791365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565080115126355,0.0,0.0,0.10524525875109184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811486995330504
suicidewatch,f4riez,2019/02/25,"I want to jump. I've visited this bridge 3 times in the last couple of weeks, but just felt weak and didn't have the courage to jump. I think about death all day. I'm a loser, a drain on people, and truly believe I am abusive/manipulative and a bit violent. Ive amounted to nothing. I'm never going to be a good person. I genuinely do not have a future. I feel dead, numb and empty every day and I HATE myself. Fuck this. I wish someone could come with me. It's not easy standing up there. I hope I have the courage this time. ",0.06679833679833891,2.2405010990991023,2.4102702702702707,92.99008316008316,87.55855855855856,4.8568260568260575,19.349272349272347,6.297961479604792,0.0007388773388776747,406,12,90,4,13,138,77,111,0.366,0.514,0.12,-0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,0,8,0,9,3,0,0,2,20,21,6,2,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,6,0,0,2,2,12,4,10,17,3,17,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,1,8,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477286103553797,0.0,0.0,0.2400511843248859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940649776945045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555568320887258,0.24329219939210836,0.0,0.2836078422053613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185257744919108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111775515193311,0.0,0.21111855424060075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032748163836713,0.0,0.0,0.12496244049622696,0.184424276308794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170852299929114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838970032415844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923092933449722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958442675723456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098006312568116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152436581205475,0.19199007320483388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863029684328945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088974010637234,0.0,0.0,0.2564267087691893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969047396044658,0.0,0.17637386523058254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285027722900605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AsYooouWish,2019/02/25,"A Resolution I’ve recently resolved what I want to do and how to do it. I know the when and the how. I have it all planned out in my mind. Will I actually do it? I doubt it.

I’ve had some recent life events that have triggered my depression again. It always seems to follow the same patterns. The same variable in the equation is always me. I’ve been trying to alienate myself from family and friends so I won’t talk about anything that’s going through my mind. I’ve had an attempt before and I don’t want to go through the “treatments” again. 

In the spirit of triage, I’m removing myself from everyone’s lives to give the same experience as me being gone. I’ve also started taking antidepressants, anxiety medication and sleep aids to numb myself, but they only do so much. I’m smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and have tripled the amount of coffee I drink (I’m ADHD so it helps soothe me). I’m also drinking more alcohol at night. I know that these are not healthy ways of coping, but I suppose it’s better than other alternatives. 

This isn’t a cry for help. This isn’t a way of getting attention. This is just a forum for me to air my thoughts. If I tell anyone that knows me I’ll get locked away again. The facility I was in was not conducive to me “healing”. I don’t want to go back there ever again. I won’t go back there. ",1.7717061546840966,3.9385604816176496,3.5660947712418327,87.43849128540306,80.21323529411767,6.382570806100218,24.044662309368192,7.526774132740827,1.162841067538127,1049,38,216,16,27,351,144,272,0.056,0.853,0.091,0.8007,0,0,4,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,4,19,6,0,1,16,0,23,8,1,3,2,35,46,18,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,17,7,3,0,7,2,0,7,8,3,0,1,7,0,28,3,31,35,9,31,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,4,14,153,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.12421704292667506,0.0,0.1529782929837315,0.0,0.0,0.1360346980683575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358813180454968,0.2118315759650184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973767875126845,0.0,0.0,0.08900438897735671,0.0,0.10474913175674352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195934962846937,0.19575688050182632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831473268557087,0.0,0.0,0.1125779914428512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398224984732179,0.08209176060140462,0.0,0.10963501239385068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249392212654894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514143057186077,0.0,0.12163140703101093,0.0,0.12451441063907065,0.11999803582205415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834422700486416,0.0,0.1330079331399982,0.12210852532930587,0.2893682112486976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064010872267926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098663814528968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990895540598158,0.0,0.0,0.1123997320924773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282316599305763,0.0,0.0,0.2570539821696844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357307092726036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194533928816678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681006516378676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513677753137954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588037557348413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738230133953884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009678170299194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570651958048497,0.10231118074975044,0.11125739721126966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105433828789948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864218082193418,0.0,0.124344199142884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523748125979895,0.2020743476133414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bitterandsalt,2019/02/25,I wanna die Living is too painful and cruel,1.3866666666666667,3.777807666666668,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,83.44444444444446,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.10908888888888901,35,1,6,0,1,12,9,9,0.679,0.321,0.0,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6002915872378332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107409489203549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6154621786815323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeamate383,2019/02/25,"Do you ever live just because you think you deserve the pain and suffering that comes with it? 20 minutes ago I was standing in the middle of the road waiting to get hit by a car, it was late at night, pitch black and was kind of hoping some reckless person would swerve around the corner and hit me. A car came from behind me on the other side of the road and then made a U-Turn to where I was standing. I knew the person saw me and I knew he was gonna stop but I moved out of the way anyways. He stopped the car and asked me if I was okay, I said I was fine and he drove off. I realised after that, that I didn't move out of the way because I wanted to live (I knew he was going to stop), but it was kind of a mental note take that I feel like I deserve to deal with the pains of what I'm going through. All of it is my fault and I deserve 100% of what comes with it. Dying is the easy way out.",1.9599134199134198,2.478771080808084,3.3944011544011543,95.91636363636366,75.56565656565657,5.859163059163059,21.718614718614717,4.65589566412798,-0.25410216450216483,686,15,171,1,14,226,102,198,0.08900000000000001,0.843,0.069,-0.4304,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,3,0,0,5,10,0,0,16,1,14,2,0,1,2,38,38,12,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,12,18,0,4,5,0,0,11,1,4,0,0,18,4,23,6,30,16,2,39,0,1,2,0,12,14,0,3,10,113,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037924899703985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089153713275515,0.126955451620682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655658605865726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531998074014908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23396079435323144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000470082473532,0.0,0.0,0.14093982949718914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283963257665323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866498397370553,0.09701614569167297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095033280179867,0.0,0.15435749135915453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488087359230336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828313500418898,0.0,0.0,0.15318926015875015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663454298064152,0.0,0.2398292556098999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849803629704212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685530385111006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886695982877817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743988691768726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28900333227883945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371521070497449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917769487076738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34060674359544924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210532943760564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701569349439653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771231538449758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009885264012077,0.3233771522210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646901888961358,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaaaay543211,2019/02/25,"I’m just done. My issues may seem trivial, but I am at my wits end.

I’ve dealt with depression for almost ten years now. I was on antidepressants and decided to get off of them about seven years ago, with great success. I found happiness. I was okay. I was alright for once. Then recently, I find myself crashing down again.

My husband is mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. I cannot leave him because he financially supports my daughter and I while I attend nursing school.

I feel like all friends and family are so fake and shitty lately. I am currently awaiting blood work results to determine whether I have ovarian cancer and hypothyroidism.

My hair doesn’t stop falling out, I’m basically balding at 25 lol. School is stressing me out. Home is stressing me out. I can’t stop drinking to the point that i black out solely because I feel okay in those moments, then the next day I’m so hungover, vomiting to the point that I can’t even get up from bed or complete daily tasks. I’ve gained so much weight, I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I feel disgusting. I’ve surrounded myself with nothing but toxic people and they’re basically all I feel like I have.

I see no better option than to end it. I don’t want to because I don’t want to leave my daughter. I know she’d go crazy, but I’m currently going crazy. 

I need advice. I need help. I need words of encouragement aside from “it’ll get better. You’ll get through this. Think of your daughter and future.”

What the fuck else do I have to live for??? Because right now it seems like nothing.

I’m desperate. ",2.3204589585172144,4.844223058252432,3.6805884083554012,85.3522683142101,80.55339805825244,6.722800823771697,26.192115328037662,7.898369717300924,1.7843216828478972,1251,52,239,23,33,409,173,309,0.172,0.63,0.198,0.6363,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,1,5,10,20,2,2,5,4,27,9,3,1,3,47,55,19,0,5,6,4,6,3,1,3,3,0,2,0,8,15,2,2,11,1,0,4,7,6,0,2,6,8,45,14,34,45,3,42,0,1,2,1,13,16,1,6,25,147,53,4,0.0,0.12127183860416385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001839009675488,0.09072996124186476,0.0,0.10249197324284236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495743118378335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810462255576292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731541251417667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600936477805927,0.0,0.08815668554962035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474288882618864,0.0,0.10026719744674688,0.0,0.0,0.08550298855990686,0.11513360546239927,0.1813091604408907,0.0,0.0,0.06760334197163438,0.09258435482446577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964895144311604,0.0,0.20701147038259932,0.1462423334881752,0.0,0.0,0.0935489963752726,0.0,0.0,0.1122250318320362,0.07907785028147238,0.09462391025948244,0.2139013492387843,0.0,0.11633939674064545,0.0,0.0,0.1128447955323286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895691476908033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860521141174246,0.0,0.10266863335060784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683017813496176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625065750199283,0.0,0.11545889970799793,0.21675458024686994,0.0,0.0,0.07229511208833977,0.15001385184897434,0.0,0.09037977578131663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314798038373016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524139970918177,0.2276808655999665,0.0,0.0,0.10885381946229848,0.0,0.0,0.1964213660590771,0.0,0.0,0.10900284768467727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709588410254633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935137684490668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010614649544601,0.0,0.0,0.08740909771419361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717386282236924,0.08156227123285703,0.18635706984015504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114376385525154,0.2344905543897092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614923052694255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558381584831716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074117185653314,0.0,0.0,0.124638657941356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451436921880403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318242464773385
suicidewatch,ineedtostopcaring,2019/02/25,The main thing stopping me from going through with it is the difficulty Why does killing yourself have to be so hard?,9.908636363636363,8.244585318181823,8.008181818181821,76.83227272727272,59.45454545454545,10.618181818181819,44.72727272727273,8.841846274778883,3.9552181818181817,95,5,18,1,1,28,21,22,0.363,0.637,0.0,-0.8506,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886544482189452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524049577660905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978463776154006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913555614448701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713061585157991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950551449890979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007513284992684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darceyhamiltonx,2019/02/25,"Wanting to die :/ Hi, I don’t really let me feelings out but I can say on here because I feel comfortable.  basically I’m wanting to end my life. I’ve been depressed since I was 10 years old I’m now 17 I attempted suicide twice at 11 years old, Once by a plastic bag over my head and the 2nd time I tried drowning myself. I’ve got nothing going for me I dropped out of school due to severe anxiety, I don’t work due to my anxiety. I live with my mum who has mental health issues bipolar and bpd I can talk to her how I’m feeling but she just gets angry and I don’t want to put any more stress on her I have no other family they are alive but we cut contact with them years ago. Everyday I cry myself to sleep hoping I don’t wake up, I know that sounds selfish but I generally don’t want to be here. Im really ugly and insecure I see all these pretty girls with loads of friends and good families and I just wish I had that. I never had a proper family my mum was more like a auntie she was never a proper mum when I was younger our house was really messy due to my mums mental health so that left a fear as I was growing up, our house is clean now since my mum got help but I’m always the one cleaning it I’m just so scared as my mum is going bad again.  Idk what to do anymore 😭I just give up I’m so stuck our mental health clashes I just feel like if I die everything will be better. I got bullied when I was younger because I was stick thin and wasn’t social. I’m turning 18 in April so I’m wanting to do it then but I’m scared :/ ",-0.026011904761904958,1.9236008035714285,2.483928571428571,93.87773809523813,85.60714285714286,5.519047619047619,19.75,6.816661863887847,0.19487857142857168,1194,35,278,15,36,411,171,336,0.242,0.625,0.133,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,4,0,2,3,17,16,1,5,7,0,30,8,3,1,3,42,61,24,4,8,12,6,5,2,1,1,5,2,2,1,9,13,0,0,5,0,0,4,9,9,0,2,16,8,49,7,30,41,3,38,0,1,1,0,26,12,0,2,23,165,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024512209248658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532421284443216,0.0,0.0,0.061560235845984676,0.0,0.13850305055415832,0.0,0.08977666714308648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558475536312546,0.11036663551077504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006217723122014,0.0,0.0,0.11401331227460362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943767436424306,0.0,0.0,0.0779692165451303,0.0,0.1879017176120494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017845217238014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135820685243954,0.0,0.25601728779094346,0.10186601023047408,0.18308903131914792,0.06467121635027145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993953996885566,0.0,0.04729567733324945,0.08684001438523288,0.1028951072814043,0.0759282373997076,0.21720380071486892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929049650874265,0.2886721427412532,0.0,0.0,0.06067712903833902,0.0,0.0,0.08991194295971877,0.0,0.20890783839198646,0.0,0.0,0.09778274322063374,0.09448478286846786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975027892932988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835588765055928,0.09256814366059002,0.0639406213428643,0.08845207391558325,0.0,0.0799354043911664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736843099961536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396372199130342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686136467625195,0.0,0.18998192527988936,0.09640637669367393,0.06134221395076191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920966662211662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100282273041993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397827102864089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198926731545109,0.18126302195548544,0.09161632876837432,0.07213685891228097,0.0,0.0,0.10226770172435284,0.0,0.14976675110987808,0.0,0.0905905697486528,0.09227903470403508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036963033433692,0.0,0.0,0.09901986889548547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276072153126045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278596833546117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146066418152313,0.0984654156040163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669705228736157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409950501245584,0.0,0.0,0.06590341904443052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488576995737276
suicidewatch,Jnvadpjf,2019/02/25,"How I sleep at night This might not be the right sub to post on. Sorry if this is the case. New to Reddit.

Does anyone else find comfort in the fact that they might die soon? I'm not suicidal (I think), but every night I fall asleep by imagining that I die. I don't know whether this counts as suicidal thoughts-- where my therapist is concerned-- but it feels pretty normal?

In my head, I pretend that I die. I release all the anxiety and stress that's in my life, and by doing this, I'm comforted and am able to sleep better. The idea that my life could end, and that I might either survive somehow unburdened by life, or cease to exist completely, is comforting so much that I wish those two options were the case instead of this one.

I most often imagine drowning, being stabbed or shot, or falling from a great height. I've imagined a lot more ways to die, but these are the most frequent.

Is this normal? Or suicidal?",3.417311233885819,5.23413010497238,3.980088397790056,88.01937753222836,73.9171270718232,7.036611418047882,26.43130755064457,7.793537801064563,1.473154401473297,723,26,144,10,15,228,112,181,0.151,0.664,0.185,0.887,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,7,6,0,1,9,0,15,7,4,1,2,41,22,16,8,5,12,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,16,4,0,0,9,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,1,16,5,16,14,7,18,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,14,6,103,32,0,0.11130100877336437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514496706736603,0.0,0.0,0.07782425321168981,0.11404103643300845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843669747950104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669699010856532,0.0,0.0,0.08886479886002033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620514997746848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740026282183348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297771099663908,0.0,0.09857965788356747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937759002647056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627713425694204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101727105631069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270975509971235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422694534328034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564529129977822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116812364899767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358455821755176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462413749737544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35421834466791113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181904790662822,0.0,0.0,0.10749520783379997,0.0,0.20889691399338603,0.21810271431232292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542044403757911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659559996436986,0.11323313935744884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505045335407317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276277806160968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459236697398053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274949295030338,0.0,0.0,0.3652357161400248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292290497103778,0.0,0.07131719228421167,0.0,0.08836056852272782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872491290246908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834556012877398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799066721709176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yellow_duck_forever,2019/02/25,"I need to understand My partner committed suicide on the 9th of January after disappearing for a week after an argument (we made up the morning he disappeared).

I feel so responsible for what’s happened and I don’t know how to forgive myself or if I’m worthy of forgiveness.

Can anyone explain why people do this and what he might have been thinking?

I loved him with all my heart and I tried to give him the best life possible before this happened. The fight was minor... why would this end his life this way?",3.5273015873015865,5.841379530612251,4.791360544217689,80.10522675736964,75.12244897959185,8.029024943310658,28.23582766439909,8.841846274778883,2.536744671201814,406,17,73,9,9,134,72,98,0.08800000000000001,0.723,0.189,0.8765,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,6,0,8,4,1,2,2,21,20,7,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,12,4,12,15,2,9,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,3,4,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147277330961244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721666290773083,0.0,0.21233125066426756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920297358672554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230335568515392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940919085178916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578368025075632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397602157237568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119443789881624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28582116933335616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260934710950733,0.19144809408495814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146385370851731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002399968869867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402690882590718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22809495389009665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131451118672735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964391639786155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373677525760241,0.0,0.0,0.21063107680800602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059892495224615,0.1622956974827093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651399549950365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372834275824242,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fufu-44,2019/02/25,its better to end it people are happy and here i feel sad. they dont care. i will end it so they be happy. bye,-4.227564102564102,-3.85834426923077,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,126.30769230769228,1.7333333333333334,4.333333333333333,3.1291,-2.9173897435897436,83,0,22,0,6,30,21,26,0.168,0.529,0.303,0.6779999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25964910437515604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993260498468989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440754975249088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200523896976095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148443699156591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6250462333171742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353254493997627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Santaclause37,2019/02/25,"Being dealt with the shittiest genetics possible Fucking sucks, like out of how many billion people have u ever seen someone whose extremely short, extremely small, ethnic AND balding?",17.756896551724132,13.997474344827593,14.844137931034483,40.289655172413795,46.93103448275862,18.49655172413793,60.03448275862069,15.903189008614273,9.531041379310349,152,9,16,5,1,47,28,29,0.206,0.715,0.079,-0.6613,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,5,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889386922460101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39750668437775416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006497792399725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359290549324712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29809181998472145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.484734311588659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643180035234416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LaoTzu4444,2019/02/25,"An accidental leap I have been depressed for basically as long as I can remember.  I told myself just wait for your grandmother to pass naturally and then decide if I want to do anything drastic (grandmother basically raised me and I might give her a heart attack if she heard I was dead, especially by suicide.) But I fucked up big time. On top of my already lack of will to live I am now facing years in prison for crimes committed only due to my terrible mental state (drug use, I hurt nobody and was not a burden, paid for my own habits.) I honestly could hardly handle being alive out here in the ""free world"" and now I feel like I have to just end it before I get sentenced to years behind bars.  I read others having genuine issues with life and totally understand, having this added layer is so overwhelmingly crushing and devastating I can't think, sleep, eat, or function. I barely manage to work. I have nothing left to live for utterly and completely. How can I possibly manage to overcome this? Thanks for reading...",7.2166477272727265,7.370961270833337,7.688106060606064,71.03113636363638,63.89583333333334,10.73181818181818,33.07954545454545,10.436869588844218,3.4826187499999994,812,30,141,18,11,268,136,192,0.184,0.71,0.105,-0.9555,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,0,2,7,11,2,1,4,0,18,8,3,2,2,30,31,16,2,5,7,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,9,2,1,5,3,2,1,2,7,0,0,6,3,26,5,27,21,3,20,0,3,0,1,6,9,1,4,10,102,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044732387278644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710508729123493,0.0,0.0,0.1757173248679856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143167224429006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194540023297802,0.0,0.0,0.1233214790254714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303373103709662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912127604517905,0.15804824143581714,0.0,0.0,0.13680320405806778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809818421817702,0.11034423049260768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427931613882297,0.08069749442623825,0.1481693882392129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383632825579562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830324857906996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534959112203804,0.0,0.0,0.1612131524233879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781816315988904,0.0,0.10909766442436727,0.07545996953905541,0.0,0.27277701532272625,0.13668973172399784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565649495369413,0.16385464481914808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820581683243025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747163510518632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741272474284093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089979292780696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749698598338564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545687134545451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895107055931202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220340678764884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896991548123232,0.0,0.0,0.09006521580228745,0.0,0.0,0.14759044155072046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607953573805578,0.0,0.13340139969185488,0.0,0.0,0.09110283855230007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244665666875196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893070208683347
suicidewatch,Mr_Bacon_Man,2019/02/25,I'm sick of being mocked again & again to no end in sight I tried to find true love but unfortunately it falls apart immediately after a few days of meeting each other. I was constantly harassed for being single and having a pathetic personality and every girl I met hates my guts for no reason and all I can do is to cut myself and start drinking heavily on alcohol to relieve the deep pain that I went through and I never had any friends either so that's another deep cut in my arm just to see more blood on the floor. In harsh reality is that nobody cares about me and I have to delete my old Reddit account because of the harassment that I went through.,5.74131679389313,6.091280641221378,6.739761450381683,75.90750477099239,67.01526717557252,9.603435114503815,30.878816793893126,9.516144504307137,2.6750374045801526,528,19,102,10,8,177,91,131,0.293,0.634,0.07400000000000001,-0.9881,0,0,2,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,6,0,5,0,10,8,3,1,3,15,19,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,6,7,2,0,2,1,1,3,3,7,0,0,5,2,13,5,20,12,6,21,0,0,2,1,6,9,0,0,9,74,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266621782363857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229801929513668,0.0,0.14423004390577787,0.22239727993634426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928950374132092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216242245482226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291964401757503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678199413376288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077697196311817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785083452330506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869691882787125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938485291661997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386199275933927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093972467370344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142159061147326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357866471893426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225552018106013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568117169530505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519082450356772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806621883199656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901011156249202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012002880784478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399675653545346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932233928743561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ashjrethul,2019/02/25,Mental health professionals - they know that most suicidal patients won’t admit to being suicidal right? Cause I’ve been asked this many times and no way I’m gonna answer yes at risk of being institutionalised. This method needs to change. I have so much rage. None malicious. I just have so much pain I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I’m no bitch I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me ,1.41,4.020190000000003,2.427500000000002,91.90750000000004,86.5,6.2,16.75,7.554174236665415,0.26922500000000005,320,7,68,6,10,101,54,80,0.361,0.591,0.048,-0.9835,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,1,0,1,8,2,0,1,0,14,17,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,7,0,6,12,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234081583910345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135350931492852,0.21764755073305855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869391923420387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261406323186961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085898991900241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733934981601607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024878012523731,0.1525549424668811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892378783707112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570237847259074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500962858107355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199697018170733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418447628951687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633082693913704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498927347175361,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SKYE-SCYTHE,2019/02/25,"I guess I’m in a rough patch lately. What’s one good reason you like to hold onto so that you don’t end it all? I’m tired of thinking to myself how much my friends and family would miss me and mourn if I died. It feels weirdly superficial, and, yeah—any reason not to die is probably a good one (since it keeps you alive, but I think I need something fresh—something else.",5.891923076923074,4.618266782051286,6.23551282051282,85.08865384615387,67.07692307692308,9.338461538461539,28.474358974358967,8.07648339933343,1.5266820512820507,291,7,66,3,4,94,59,78,0.12,0.727,0.153,0.366,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,1,18,12,7,3,3,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,10,4,6,11,2,4,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592359470179187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843594717789501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468779520599255,0.0,0.16400780108171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456407663920914,0.0,0.09362873881712012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306375152138734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106276790967119,0.0,0.0,0.2039882959689588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458975409922938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888255409021775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904658904665758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612303412144985,0.13730300232166567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095524672685865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996471866227104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807761741553841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317653845371462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28510954958862644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373020182251057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128284555910104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154117354805273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watermelon2134,2019/02/25,"I'm stupid & worthless, an all around lost cause I literally cannot see my future getting any better in any way... I'm only 19 and people tell me all the time ""you have your whole life ahead of you!"" and they don't understand that I feel like I'm already at the end of my life.

I've already sealed my fate. I'm pretty much too mentally ill/stupid to make anything of my life. Haven't been to college and doubt I ever could without dropping out due to depression or money problems.

I'm probably just gonna die the way I lived.. poor and worthless. Shitty or no job at all. 

No words can convey how much i envy normal people with normal lives and normal jobs who live without worrying about money or wanting to end it all everyday.

I cant bring myself to commit suicide because i keep thinking about my family and how itll make them feel, but a large part of me also doesnt want to do it bc i know ill forever be cemented as a failure. ",3.9789318453567164,4.659380181347153,5.362694300518137,83.05734555599842,71.02072538860105,8.011000398565166,27.799521721801515,8.139509932561175,1.7654116381028304,737,25,149,10,13,248,121,193,0.195,0.759,0.046,-0.9746,2,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,3,2,3,9,9,1,1,6,0,12,4,0,5,6,42,32,14,2,7,7,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,0,3,1,9,7,0,0,2,3,21,2,22,26,8,17,0,4,1,0,7,5,0,4,9,91,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565442919758241,0.09295593775012387,0.0,0.12594443568606975,0.0,0.15809241921626124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565443412297944,0.10347696609485964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085794981483905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280356395865108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940902476201765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280703505093932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011610497119457,0.0,0.1206372778789364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590573279575328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051444360516394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957937330768047,0.0,0.11754742121855387,0.08304085345004014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072985219543142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306976780164829,0.10331817665060057,0.0,0.0,0.06388167495247307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463082063129473,0.05678829100409551,0.0,0.3079223451851165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688812385024514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551802883467321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117141133055095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708974384529022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416673392313601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884046659418218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587503760257213,0.0,0.16117036915460994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825640825258768,0.12532483208429065,0.11122460752482666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262708616513912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714612289115673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015976284839652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448097839597022,0.0,0.0,0.06777964151814027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100844464704714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712103353896768,0.18452952351540647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977620574834187,0.0,0.2240996557039716,0.0,0.0,0.1180459042424119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,verysadbunny,2019/02/25,"I’ve successfully convinced myself that I am a horrible person. I seriously wish death upon myself because I am a waste of space and air. I’m almost 19 but I’ve been fucked up for most of my life. Being sexually abused by multiple men at the age of 6 really fucks someone up. I describe myself as a realist I guess? I’m just so blunt and negative sometimes I want myself to shut the fuck up. Most of my so called friends have given up on me. I don’t know how I’ve made it this far but I’m always so close to doing it. I think about suicide all the time. Whenever I look at my ceiling I like to picture myself hanging. Sometimes I think about what would happen if I just cut my throat and how it would take minutes for me to pass but I get scared. I don’t want my parents walking in on a mess. I cry and I cry and I cry so fucking much I’m just so tired. I’m tired of being myself. I always wish I was normal and that those bad things didn’t happen to me when I was little. I fucking hate how my brain plays tricks on me and manages to find the bad in everything. I hope to end things soon because I’ve suffered enough. I just made a reddit account right now to post this. I hope when I die,, my sister or someone snoops in my phone and finds this post. I love you. ",0.4079501915708832,2.4718705000000014,2.638071519795659,92.7316666666667,84.74074074074073,5.205619412515965,20.42145593869732,6.48374012150746,0.18713409961685826,985,30,219,10,29,334,137,270,0.29,0.598,0.113,-0.9964,1,0,0,0,1,1,22.0,0,1,0,1,18,22,8,1,9,0,14,11,2,5,1,42,44,24,3,10,9,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,12,9,0,0,5,1,1,3,4,14,0,0,7,1,45,8,32,33,5,32,0,1,1,6,9,20,5,8,8,147,57,2,0.0,0.1162352670090346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823535301587794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325806184393715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382276295429135,0.11960458878567133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095146896771772,0.1001734885976709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232825417871233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181477202372627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688958177594262,0.1013659729555327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816808476485273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932757839351615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579364795456979,0.4534703027942808,0.05125443946536568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108070821064779,0.0,0.1735032041690736,0.0,0.0,0.096855780492993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487557838198308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391449712838277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069292605387676,0.04792786279545638,0.09832434747648412,0.0,0.0,0.08238128335416169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854121938464511,0.18565366962276292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211652998744883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961194938066153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893107260582152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565920577723436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879099055303924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628468904807472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377888822969692,0.0,0.0,0.09821758678562488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662436400331672,0.0,0.1940515054320876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730807046935284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376077348883564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303497114149949,0.12572007539990834,0.0,0.0,0.057204281051042125,0.2255084864787475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572663951716484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256257687331811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139378218359409,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Don_Pilsen,2019/02/25,"Life's a Bitch Since more than 5 years ago, my life has been quite interesting as many people say. Traveling a lot, working at many places, meeting a lot of people, but I still feel that hole in my chest, that feeling that I'm not good enough in anything, and I just want to quit living.   


I, personally don't even like the path I'm walking, and now I don't even know what I'm doing.

​

Recently moved to Canary Islands, because I met a girl from here, and now I only have two options left, as my visa will expire next week.  


1. Go back to my country, a country almost everyone wants to leave. 
2. Stay in Canary Islands, for two and a half year (illegally) until I get my green card. Working in a Chinese Restaurant in which I can't have a day off, and I'm receiving minimum wage. 
3. ​

I'm pretty sure I won't be happy in any of those places, but just gotta keep going because of ""the loved ones"" and all that bullshit.   


​",4.653202443280975,4.9669610523560195,5.568285340314136,83.49005453752184,69.36649214659687,8.042059336823735,30.052792321116925,7.793537801064563,1.8450101221640487,735,27,151,8,12,242,121,191,0.1,0.805,0.095,-0.2203,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,4,9,7,1,0,10,0,11,4,1,0,2,23,28,11,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,7,6,0,1,3,1,2,6,5,1,0,4,2,4,14,6,21,22,5,30,0,0,1,1,7,11,1,4,13,90,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907400199388334,0.0,0.10250333592487658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327359246652264,0.37315249112279975,0.06961142163464856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423732368659376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871204004346607,0.0,0.12480099033667452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601668284794829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057699703642691,0.0,0.1352216735127925,0.0,0.0,0.09781373871738554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351721026315636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053481265805706994,0.0,0.1163522946050478,0.08585854935368133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896899418114334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098633815590676,0.0,0.0,0.056256893681424135,0.0,0.0,0.10838930527592387,0.11121941089736401,0.0,0.14460625404409838,0.05001016100069393,0.0,0.09038979565528366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405340315596018,0.09238802605326353,0.0,0.0,0.20756322579331546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879734390522927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088658874447914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936488563839431,0.07785287246351938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193341562932454,0.08938079902275915,0.21389838861241814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414157410810597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775465289733933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107266904445716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140441912540458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467703473752372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910701754281574,0.08174848229891743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647740106216043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999906324011144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207545577198436,0.0,0.08211068800532649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490452603769878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37315249112279975,0.13183886105592185
suicidewatch,electricalsunv2,2019/02/25,"Sick of my friends So at the end of quarter three last year, I made a big mistake I got in a relationship with a girl who just got out of a relationship. it was lackluster 'love' for a week and then she broke it off. Friend made rumors spread. I. E her apparently being my cousin. Fast forward to now my friends are embarrassing me in a group chat with the entirety of year 12 (last year of high school). Now this particular one of my friends ""Jimmy"" has multiple photos of me (I posted them to my messenger story when I was in year 7) on his phone. Now he's posting them into the group chat and then repeating the rumors over and over again. So now I'm going to burden him for the rest of his life by ending mine he'll know that my blood is on his hands because I've told him that I'm mentally unstable. At the end of this week I'm going to kill myself I have no idea how but I will. Before I do I'm going to name all of the people who initially spread the rumors so they can also live with that burden. Quite frankly I can't see myself contributing to society in my life, so I might as well end it now rather than waiting. ",1.813992673992672,3.6059323162393184,3.6317826617826623,88.87115384615385,78.40170940170941,7.021245421245422,21.826617826617827,7.957251820313856,0.9171028083028075,878,25,193,15,21,295,132,234,0.086,0.865,0.05,-0.7395,1,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,3,1,16,12,1,1,14,0,12,6,2,3,1,21,29,14,1,2,3,1,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,2,2,0,4,2,6,1,3,7,2,32,6,37,18,2,44,0,1,1,1,33,16,0,1,24,133,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688538893097763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385327062286806,0.0,0.10309161845712164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292196386348203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37440762771495467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656080078876807,0.0,0.19379300033652685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800397527711588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676611302393046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340369845113802,0.0,0.06658209333512315,0.19751046337034728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711467959487761,0.0,0.0,0.10697963248635688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934461132107183,0.2292743254081745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209294543793844,0.12852336303479284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209588172268238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399169691380376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206068005839264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886030204112905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014429501317865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261251764522305,0.09654263606889084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576614090387947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194362010940076,0.0,0.10893039823917693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120722378214149
suicidewatch,kencanwhen82,2019/02/25,Ppl say it’s selfish I’ve had two friends and two cousins take their lives. I’m not mad at them. I get it. I’ve tried before. I fucking understand completely why someone would do this. But their families say it was sooo selfish of them. I don’t agree. What about you?,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727294,0.7150000000000034,99.7325,105.36363636363636,4.381818181818182,21.863636363636363,6.2581,0.4280545454545459,210,9,47,3,10,66,41,55,0.11,0.7440000000000001,0.146,0.2565,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,4,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,10,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,2,8,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,1,1,0,0,27,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468778683829126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645306034000477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378449551305655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492550939757253,0.2332462736767302,0.13181576545387902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278455687280108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012764341564462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377204483544066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969737878942367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129439625755882,0.0,0.4929187425991167,0.26265205958683063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276605206370091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922590445124395,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThtGyClldJls,2019/02/25,"How do I express my feelings? I've been feeling slightly depressed for almost a year. I manage to hide it from the world, but I'm afraid that the cover is slipping. 

It started with simple ""Everybody hates me""s and a few ""Nothing you do will matter""s. I feel I've fallen into a hole with no way out. I mask my insecurities with humour, but a few things I've said, such as when I do something wrong and when I take it way too personally, have managed to be noticed, although none of the things I've said in public have actually been followed up on. (I remember a time where I got a comment on a speech for school where I got marks taken off because I was ""too self-deprecating"".)

A friend of mine has been acting slightly depressed and I'm helping him through it. I forced him into being honest with me, but I'm not sure if this will ever happen to me. My family suspects nothing, my friends suspect nothing and I'm glad that Reddit is anonymous because it means I can be fully honest to no one and everyone at the same time.

So, have any of you opened up to family or friends? If so, who should I?",4.272333333333332,5.113300354545455,5.470000000000002,81.96833333333336,70.45454545454545,7.503030303030304,30.57575757575757,7.554174236665415,1.9351757575757584,858,35,168,9,15,286,125,220,0.198,0.7040000000000001,0.098,-0.9724,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,0,11,14,1,2,12,0,20,0,0,1,2,33,38,18,0,3,7,0,3,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,11,13,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,9,6,24,8,27,23,4,26,0,2,0,0,15,14,0,4,7,125,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.13353627857928255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702567614046238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305601647518297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683301016091032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572049715771196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377977922029006,0.0,0.13075665843108913,0.0,0.0,0.25800149098637826,0.0,0.20757152341186827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171671564039204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888718889211944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210073213660733,0.0,0.0,0.13510134999992765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917210897889497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905907469710156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39390553681077545,0.15579345462194438,0.0,0.0,0.09272644903940254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948356909129634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501325124885382,0.0,0.26033269907921464,0.0,0.0,0.1384895701276249,0.0,0.0,0.1427541539679094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053462578104661,0.0,0.0,0.0968561854083865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289702524657908,0.0,0.10288678718666147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182107350361815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958522158272578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172347347903836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961325791204666,0.0,0.08812059097772197
suicidewatch,dotanodota,2019/02/25,"Weekend with office collegues I had a weekend with my office collegue who obviously are not like me. They like to make sexist jokes, talk about wiered shit while I am an introvert person. Unfortunately I had to spend my weekend with them they gave me some fucking hell. They said how am I even hired in this company and skills is not the only thing that a company should look for in a guy. They threatend me that they will event tell other collegues that how bad I am at personal skills. I am so depressed that I want to put a bullet through my head. They kept telling me how shit I am and I dont deserve to be with them. I don't think I will be able to work this week. They said they will tell everyone how lame guy I am.   
Now, I just am cursing my self that I should have stayed home instead.

Please help..",2.6824101665205973,4.4919798220858915,3.4292418930762487,91.21381901840492,75.93251533742331,6.620333041191938,24.52629272567923,7.447530270364453,0.9439556529360216,633,21,137,8,14,200,92,163,0.17600000000000002,0.789,0.035,-0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,10,3,10,10,4,0,6,0,21,4,3,5,1,21,30,8,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,2,1,5,10,6,0,1,1,4,1,1,4,7,0,0,6,3,32,3,15,17,1,12,1,2,1,1,24,3,4,1,9,99,42,2,0.15742810416906178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144589120486244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559259543915214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450456562280035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397977806385383,0.0,0.0,0.15042929996672988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553974554162322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117571478773009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156665288660976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055207397825083,0.0,0.15791322438459762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382283939261585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219995822081726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050844819821118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197311672026368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492029655075056,0.0,0.1728087836052083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825872662404455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995003554757743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423184644208955,0.0,0.3231953732537923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779741256844768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653474686049276,0.4127973059049944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458823716714644,0.10087357248329556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285517466044613,0.0,0.12627932924756294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146095347947484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tripnix,2019/02/25,"I am in my final days and suffering from associated loneliness. I wrote a decently long post, switched tabs on my phone before submitting it and lost it all. (peeved af.) Here it is in brief:


I do not have anyone with whom I can discuss suicidal ideation and plans safely--that is, without being certified and detained at a hospital. I do not want to be counseled out of the act, but it would very much help my peace of mind were I able to speak about the prospect of my upcoming death with someone in person. I have goodbyes to give, but they're going to have to be limited to the note I'll be writing. Simply, there are things I want to say to people but nothing I can. It's a lonely loneliness to have such a sad secret.


Digressing somewhat, I wish I had more intimate, romantic and other connections than I did in my time. I've had sexual partners but never a relationship. I've had friends, but most of them have already died or would be more properly called acquaintances. I felt summarily rejected and ostracized by my peers from a young age, and that's now been a major theme of my life. I've felt emotionally close with too few people for two years and two decades lived as a social animal. I always craved company but spent too many hours in isolation.


I will be hiring a sex worker to cuddle with on MDMA before I peace out. Don't tell them /u/tripnix didn't go out on top.",5.052136437908494,5.868703731617654,6.051127450980395,78.593545751634,68.66911764705881,9.86797385620915,30.18464052287581,9.994966539143718,2.9075704248366017,1093,41,212,26,18,363,164,272,0.141,0.746,0.113,-0.5905,0,4,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,5,7,6,0,0,12,0,30,3,0,0,2,42,41,16,3,5,10,0,2,0,2,3,1,2,0,2,9,16,0,1,3,0,1,4,6,5,0,2,12,4,25,1,39,20,8,29,0,5,0,2,19,14,0,3,10,148,34,2,0.14581967335812032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091563558656727,0.0,0.12133364960443613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019605060882794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481636038026647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488981901155058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404162595539532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133779898834585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402750573642688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001950800446657,0.159738324554497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265991791514432,0.0,0.0,0.13988351791771675,0.16574536157022204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773985330515382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436030051213768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299674769290994,0.0,0.0,0.12876144311548038,0.12904582224441882,0.0,0.0,0.15917939892947158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478382614823919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723630157551215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719423814487576,0.0,0.1124651215914967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991790936545498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218600219473806,0.12732411424931073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396549387963595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655575769727928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596165702750763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864479348412632,0.12355253603360965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595030551630932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745282177726908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687611155144743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502862418587001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28488926488727795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031650199205712,0.1720164428081629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768542794151753,0.14056496153004944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071722243655821,0.0,0.0,0.09390308875684188
suicidewatch,lemmegobois,2019/02/25,"If You Love Me, Let Me Go. I see a lot of people say ""Oh what about the people who love you? They'll be devastated!""

I guess they will be. They'll get over it. And if they don't, I'll be dead anyway. What difference would it make to me? 

But moving past the edgy shit, I was watching some TV and someone said ""If you love me, let me go."" and despite hearing this cliche hundreds of times, I only just thought about it like this. My life is full of suffering and existential dread. The mere act of waking up in the morning is too much for me to cope with sometimes. I've been to my doctor, I've tried everything under the sun, the only thing that works is getting high and even that is short-lived. 

So why can't the people who love me accept that life just isn't for me? I'm quite open about my mental health and anyone who asks me about it gets exactly what I feel, unfiltered. Even my parents. They know I self harm, they know I abuse drugs to try and get some kind of gratification out of life, and they know that I want to kill myself and probably will one day. But they still preach the same shit as everyone else. Oh, people love you. You couldn't do that.

Basically, what I'm being told to do is to continue suffering because people care about me. If they really cared about me, they'd understand that this is my only solution. I know this is dumbing it down to an incredible level and that people can't just ""get over it"" but I want to know if anyone else has thought about it this way. If life is truly unbearable for someone, why shouldn't they be allowed to end it? It's their life they're suffering through.

I've got a bucket list. And when everything on that list is done, I'm done.",2.291840077071289,4.0486326156069365,3.5045317919075174,90.47895568400772,76.89017341040463,6.925472061657032,21.648940269749517,7.793537801064563,0.7431132177263975,1319,35,290,20,30,428,162,346,0.068,0.8340000000000001,0.098,0.7977,2,0,1,0,1,2,48.0,0,5,12,2,17,19,4,1,11,0,35,16,3,2,1,49,71,23,2,11,12,1,1,1,0,6,8,3,0,1,30,14,0,0,10,1,0,4,6,9,0,1,9,6,44,10,37,47,6,24,1,3,2,5,32,12,3,10,8,191,74,2,0.0,0.0982887506788807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600888566859065,0.08499775462732767,0.0,0.0,0.07755223233213895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505689276142462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915740477759875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349946097806745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667088379159009,0.0,0.08490851098166424,0.0,0.16978463926528603,0.0,0.0,0.09620209051195064,0.0,0.13859741917981153,0.0,0.07347398650621273,0.0,0.0,0.10958270445288587,0.0,0.0,0.07926757407188154,0.14911018186267774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419448138873298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670423062759187,0.0,0.09429109092422114,0.0,0.06634712399000345,0.0,0.09138488051541503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817786053410799,0.09349692333667207,0.0,0.0,0.08764708327108148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177801484243324,0.08638543004358826,0.22795097832987965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965532144723244,0.2929697582365419,0.04052788691497617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052583414172202,0.37435307118213257,0.0,0.05537346754365427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359967362297775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816861138238928,0.06098186736398546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621282125014738,0.1892742803505748,0.0,0.0,0.09211231076455,0.0,0.07919045016471672,0.3450655608568283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944010345344268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823342867973173,0.0,0.0,0.053143443537880385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890971578502813,0.0659695755158225,0.0,0.0,0.06610482560733831,0.0,0.0865407208282524,0.0,0.1703053407464534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140575920782283,0.0,0.08204515086971595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624840192047142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511197511739985,0.0,0.0,0.13171486610327127,0.048372042863320266,0.0,0.0,0.07926757407188154,0.0,0.11264273351217648,0.0,0.0,0.0863596434000628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785865435765898,0.0658462469047315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970894505386567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039262158832005,0.0,0.0,0.05892923596643754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plzmarryme,2019/02/25,How do we know when it’s time? Just wondering for whose who have to remain due to family...ex I have been alive because I am an only child and I can’t even imagine how sad my family would be once I am gone that’s fine I am just living. But when would it be a breaking point that people finally make a decision and how did they get over the responsibility to their family? Thank you ,1.9467857142857168,3.659750250000002,4.207142857142859,85.25500000000002,77.75,8.071428571428571,20.17857142857143,8.841846274778883,1.1661071428571423,300,7,66,7,7,104,58,80,0.041,0.863,0.096,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,2,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,13,0,0,4,0,16,19,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,10,2,5,12,0,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828449749715726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150099999172286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895630225086553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844415521884163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566006584934284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427006968950066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292818886383933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332306414884838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765262313172542,0.0,0.1974808495245919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001347032853549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245459794096473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23905728010485644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514080851375344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28158694089000885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689057665605398,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,superpotato5,2019/02/25,I've thought about suicide a lot of times. The only thing that stops me is the fact that my soft toys are going to be sad and might not like being buried underground with me. It's been on and off. Days where I'm fine and days where I wished I was never born. My toys make me feel happier. I used to believe they were real at night. And before I went to school I would tuck them in.,0.6969512195121972,2.5374600975609773,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,82.17073170731706,5.0756097560975615,16.347560975609756,5.985473137389443,-0.7696146341463419,296,5,72,2,8,94,63,82,0.135,0.802,0.062,-0.7278,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,2,2,18,17,4,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,2,12,2,10,8,1,15,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,8,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012299149700205,0.2664357564201779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050243968844793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957308844344798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439893886281865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553382068943545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104968938540008,0.0,0.0,0.1578544739715204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250871465616862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239054001606086,0.0,0.0,0.2219236062949784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798562457583955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691698276914329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23933377775294715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771067153125946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586744045952083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710903123107095,0.0,0.0,0.18774136626507726,0.13789534446434182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424568795699785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192224367906821,0.0,0.0,0.271944184314918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799098842224522,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SEND_ME_GEESE_PICS,2019/02/25,I need to talk to someone I’m really not ok,-1.3718181818181847,-0.3164718181818156,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,85.36363636363636,8.036363636363637,20.090909090909093,8.841846274778883,1.2269272727272729,34,1,9,1,1,14,9,11,0.213,0.787,0.0,-0.2884,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863754665058841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202156476499112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5557807103091021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272243517703437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuicideHelpPlease1,2019/02/25,"I’ve never been this stressed and I want to end it all Pretty much what the title says. My first semester in college I had a 4.0 GPA. My mom has never been so proud of me and I was proud myself. This semester I’m having a really hard time with myself due to school and my living situation. My roommates told me I could no longer have my girlfriend over, which would have been fine but we’re recently engaged so it is difficult to not spend the night with her. I decided I would switch rooms (dorms). My new room is great and I enjoy my friends here, but my old roommates have been spreading rumors about me smelling and that I’m a bitch. Our college is about the size of a small high school so word gets around fast. I already have generalized anxiety disorder so this triggered it even more. The real hard part is that my girlfriend has been really down lately because of it and I can’t blame anyone but myself.

I used to be fun loving and enjoyable to be around but I’ve noticed myself become more and more irritable the longer I’m here. I used to enjoy making people smile, but now I can only see their smiles as a facade. They all seem fake to me and I can’t tell who my true friends are. I have become a nervous wreck meeting people, and I can’t even talk to my professors since I get so nervous.

Back to school on that note. I am falling behind in 3 out of 5 of my classes. I wanted to continue to get good grades and pass my classes but I missed a paper deadline and I’m in the middle of an anxiety attack. I’m thinking I might not be cut out for college anymore but I’m a junior here so it’s too late to back out. I have student debt that’s going to haunt me and I’m not looking forward to it at all after school. I thought I was smart enough and i truly thought I was but I’m reconsidering that notion now.

Since my anxiety has been through the roof the last few weeks, with moving, adjusting to this semester, living in New York for the first time (transfer student), and struggling with personal stuff, I have been going to bed every night thinking of ways to kill myself. I feel terrible thinking this was since my fiancé and I have huge plans of a family. I still get excited off of this since it’s the only hopes of a future I can really see, but I know I can’t be thinking like this and think of myself as having a family. I don’t want to hurt my kids like my dad hurt me is what I’m saying I guess.

I think I’ll be okay for tonight, but I’ve already tried strangling myself once these last few weeks and I’ve contemplated stepping out into traffic since it would look like an accident. I’ll purposely J-walk hoping that a car won’t slow down and I know that is terrible of me.

I’m a recovering addict for marijuana (which I know on reddit may not seem like a bad thing but I was “addicted” to the high for a year and a half and I can’t even remember anything that happened). Im constantly scared about everything but I have to fake it as not to upset my fiancé (who also struggles with depression and bipolar disorder). 

I guess what I’m looking for is a place to vent what I’m feeling. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this and I can’t afford therapy right now. I know there are people with more serious thoughts on their suicidal tendencies, but I’m scared that mine keep growing and growing and I’m going to act on it someday. I already have and I know I’m going to continue until it works at some point.

I don’t want attention and I don’t want anyone to feel sorrow for me because I know there are others outside right now when it’s freezing outside who can’t go home. I know there are some who have had tragic things happen to them. I could have it worse, but man I feel pretty damn bad about what I have right now. 

Thank you to whoever got through all of this. I don’t ever want to see anyone wind up like me so I hope these thoughts never creep up on you or make you act out.",2.2988210302708443,4.059260161090464,3.8498851124092788,87.99446654275093,76.88104089219331,6.841911842804038,23.92014515843512,7.7094869923839395,1.125191764914144,3078,100,645,45,70,1022,309,807,0.158,0.685,0.158,-0.7272,2,0,0,0,0,1,60.0,1,3,4,6,35,53,5,8,30,1,73,4,0,5,9,126,149,55,2,14,20,2,7,5,4,6,3,2,5,3,48,41,0,1,27,0,2,15,22,27,0,3,20,16,100,26,93,116,15,94,0,6,6,1,31,38,2,12,47,441,148,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915732137705334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092926110012525,0.04370512138461214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542570965888744,0.0,0.054200020106311766,0.15285557520624313,0.0,0.04497387424092368,0.09730359293118332,0.0,0.06217444981141426,0.0,0.08404790739392343,0.09126414224940484,0.06663060741847379,0.12071750566293248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059059311023487826,0.0,0.0872702235149438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707161937393072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527167230364894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048405380352445085,0.056470043651041524,0.0,0.10829123492522748,0.049435791319822,0.046046600461601854,0.0,0.04911762251307044,0.0,0.10304193422341157,0.0,0.11053461321889968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297379196756883,0.0,0.0,0.08444787700787551,0.0,0.11421349194521345,0.0,0.15529973045793466,0.045839438293492914,0.043710133677793465,0.06025393571128521,0.12041050472842857,0.0,0.09665702629146798,0.0,0.09791477275909201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154855100222549,0.0548203326904941,0.16284506669580434,0.0,0.0,0.11701202328545188,0.0,0.0590334528699064,0.0,0.0,0.04857713838452757,0.06046425310085335,0.0,0.21024686512105206,0.08909721962804648,0.12329949445135699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350083984039865,0.0,0.09651729481786668,0.0,0.13768154731013454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049325492349989335,0.0,0.07296116313649904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797705148498612,0.0,0.06400766921238978,0.0,0.058086342827615565,0.040175450179315834,0.0,0.12645279170611465,0.10556633149216037,0.0,0.10257425105131564,0.0,0.0,0.062221574155321514,0.057347997523645985,0.05820251209421485,0.0,0.08313049708216749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918270452503396,0.0,0.1136662818642092,0.04771994929181956,0.057099625253895024,0.0,0.051663730295998314,0.0,0.0,0.1112013025156256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062205850792550775,0.10503425987940401,0.0,0.05396217861469579,0.0,0.06190997260471215,0.14001732546212856,0.0,0.08692280210664009,0.10943221381631237,0.22124264663994048,0.13065151540612382,0.09950611237782156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260431685572292,0.061431048897753714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364509461360065,0.0,0.0626035907214409,0.11426810782137505,0.0625633740530529,0.05978033107985521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785428765491346,0.04776818773230557,0.05031614603154957,0.06249923449137521,0.0,0.07261661560467132,0.21011246492230976,0.0,0.17355008200789845,0.06373594913148771,0.0,0.0,0.05222225245993148,0.0,0.037105066832973384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440342477493273,0.0,0.0,0.1934107135139756,0.04338015095907486,0.08767694875792886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03978724930376183,0.0,0.05569497642358305,0.11646946966433612,0.0,0.0,0.035194045214777404
suicidewatch,AZC90,2019/02/25,"I can't give up because of my friend, but I want to. There's only one person in this world who cares about me. 

His name is Scotty. 

Scotty used to be optimistic all the time but the pressures of life have gotten to him, too, and he finally understands me. He's gotten careless of his well being, got his hair caught in a machine at work and got half of it ripped out, wrecked his car on the interstate and totalled it just a few days ago. I kind of wish something would end him so I could end myself without hurting him.

We dated a lifetime ago, had a son together. Then our son was taken by my mother when I had postpartum depression (as if I hadn't been depressed my whole life before that). We were broken up by then but still tried our best to work together and do what we needed to to get our son back with me or him and away from my mom. We were screwed by her lies and a shitty justice system.

I got married to someone else. New husband tries all he can to isolate and control me, and cut me off from my friends, hurts me, breaks my things. Scotty still hangs on to me, even buying me a new phone after husband smashes mine. But husband succeeds for the most part, taking away my car, not letting me work so I'm financially dependant, even took my second child I had with him to another state and said I had to follow or lose him. 

Through all this Scotty has been my rock. There's no romantic feelings there anymore, haven't been for a long time, but he still talks to me and I know he has and would continue to do his best to make sure I had all I needed. 

Of course husband doesn't like it. As long as I have my one friend he can't control me completely. As long as Scotty is in my ear telling me that being abused by my husband isn't acceptable, I protest being abused.

Today my husband told me he's tired of it. It's time to divorce. He's throwing me out after draining all my resources, forcing me to move away from my home state, making it so I don't have a penny to my name, and threatening to keep my one remaining child away from me. 

And when I'm tossed out with nothing tomorrow, just as I knew I would be someday, I'll go to Scotty. Scotty who's got his own troubles but still loves me and cares about me, who is the only person I know who will take me in when I've got nothing. He's the only one who gives a shit if I live or die so I live for him, even though it's grudgingly.


Tl;dr: Lost my two kids. Getting divorced by crap husband. I want to die every single day, but I promised my friend I wouldn't die before him. ",4.017043167076714,4.397632802281372,4.890677700738092,87.55364571684187,70.787072243346,7.633102214269737,27.828002683963323,7.39963492309942,1.352632923283382,1978,65,428,19,34,644,227,526,0.162,0.7090000000000001,0.129,-0.9756,0,0,1,0,4,1,56.0,7,0,0,10,25,30,5,1,15,0,41,9,4,6,7,73,81,42,3,12,16,12,2,1,4,5,3,2,1,5,18,24,0,3,6,1,1,9,11,14,1,7,26,4,85,16,71,43,14,62,0,6,0,2,69,18,3,7,32,304,103,4,0.0,0.16689473317914064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486289353821076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385140594967138,0.0,0.0,0.06984707692750942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264683099258749,0.05415588999620978,0.0,0.042933131325008964,0.0,0.1198605276759898,0.0,0.14782269876059456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361501057159806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384392511778072,0.0,0.15798520551864945,0.05623217485319136,0.0,0.0,0.09084232125743094,0.0,0.12132154242985252,0.0,0.21928390988176685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883475762374898,0.0,0.12475915390993958,0.0,0.0,0.1395539374627746,0.0,0.059339838590156825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035611239707611785,0.0,0.0,0.07715200608710268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765443445092164,0.0,0.0735929483274103,0.1351246678713107,0.040026672310601766,0.0,0.2816442746253728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064646815838906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079233874510528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260091998134233,0.0,0.07334142105841122,0.07741235379129467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720188714623706,0.09949278893612208,0.03440826557602533,0.0,0.12438096706893245,0.1869835073909247,0.0,0.07879252527687389,0.07688205062497759,0.0,0.06356531698510888,0.0,0.09402439269062472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824861058475462,0.0,0.07485534595670157,0.0,0.10444507081959234,0.0,0.13604237899220295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515788931885805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089923798992606,0.16069428240057254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626821738497325,0.0,0.0,0.12299253626197156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699452312813785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229480537331022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059674633740695926,0.054220021766827935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249801586792833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663789112333684,0.0,0.10590834371765516,0.056608513947116426,0.06155843257404098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467901886974042,0.0,0.06919656463697492,0.0,0.12320391394605112,0.08094827768059645,0.0667588715391585,0.06729834560470728,0.07824969636528503,0.09563392974392126,0.0,0.06879932652365703,0.07331952814105781,0.0,0.06082842090779229,0.0,0.0,0.08308221386214304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332452244085178,0.0,0.0,0.0786319516555942,0.08099037718934285,0.06789146435487903,0.0,0.15382040767159538,0.0,0.0,0.15009315478840124,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SageArtemis,2019/02/25,"i’m always left alone. no one cares i exist, someone just kill me i hate the fact you exist and no one seems to remember or give a fuck

i’m left alone. i’m always left alone. no one is going to care if i stab myself and bleed out all over this carpet.

no one is going to cry over me or feel sad i’m gone

no one cares.

no one does.

don’t fucking tell me you do because you fucking do not give a single shit about a poor lonely faggot on the internet

why am i even writing this if no one cares....maybe someone will care about someone else and prevent this....

maybe i have to give my life for that to happen, maybe that’s the only way anyone will ever care

then again they won’t; how stupid of me.

humans are vile creatures who cause more harm than good.

no one has ever helped me. i’m always alone.

if i die tonight, i hope you all are happy...you got what you wanted...me, finally gone.",0.10741388044579736,2.1930558457446843,1.8982370820668704,97.39833333333334,86.2872340425532,4.219250253292807,15.86727456940223,5.288315135182226,-0.8859278622087134,681,13,156,3,21,223,102,188,0.314,0.575,0.111,-0.9923,0,9,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,5,1,0,8,18,8,0,6,0,13,6,1,2,5,24,39,10,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,7,4,0,1,3,0,1,4,11,11,0,8,3,1,20,7,14,33,4,18,0,2,0,3,14,7,4,7,6,96,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437518178687253,0.0,0.0,0.20712765812876088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801864230447425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050581306872533184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4229970361486661,0.08523905278970774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114507293678907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611583017299862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261272387221455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931567389319318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548047651330064,0.15011281020026482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195508196516747,0.0,0.0,0.09089598581061507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301295036529495,0.0,0.23879398313301803,0.09431417335495046,0.06959620465788703,0.0663633657460228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337526847878817,0.0,0.0,0.0819214714959449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055616961952833714,0.0,0.0,0.08241373957453342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180048207289276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704605053664592,0.0,0.05860829542906761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25008117650774736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498126570552062,0.06310687154584628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939954607684048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553809579229334,0.0,0.0,0.08517351572135069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109155005881836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252454858343738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586236604619085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487279687931807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LonelyetDeranged,2019/02/25,"Thoughts about afterlife *Don't be deceived regarding the knowledge of what will be after your death: what you sow here, you will reap there.* 

*After leaving here, no one can make progress.* 

*Here is the work, there the reward; here the struggle, there the crowns.* ",1.9626086956521755,4.098685260869574,0.8257391304347834,97.3355652173913,109.43478260869566,3.5791304347826087,21.991304347826084,5.6839178017228535,0.36085913043478257,206,8,37,2,10,57,32,46,0.154,0.7340000000000001,0.112,-0.3169,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,4,8,2,0,1,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,30,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118724591316247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226869060776299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275782098494142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053760191191194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837818409492458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519358471616135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yevgeniy-Sherepitko,2019/02/25,"Am I suicidal? I have absolutely no reason to be. My life is great, happy life with a great wife, family and friends. 

I do have my demons though, and i feel like the worst one is my mind. 

I constantly fantasize about ""accidentally dying""
but i'll never commit self harm, I have attempted at some points years ago, never happened. But why?
Whats my purpose? What was the point of being left alive? Death is inevitable, and the only thing that we leave behind is the memory of us. 

Thats the hook that plagues my mind, when I fantasize about death its not when i'm down, but when i'm on good terms with everyone, when i do something good for someone. 
I feel like my life is at its peak, and i'd rather die than fall. Alot of times i think, damn this would be a great time to get shot or something. ",2.036833333333334,4.062814850000001,3.172500000000003,91.31583333333336,78.625,6.7666666666666675,20.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.6557791666666666,616,16,135,10,15,198,97,160,0.16899999999999998,0.64,0.19,0.6132,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,1,8,12,1,0,8,0,16,3,0,1,3,25,23,13,5,2,6,1,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,2,18,9,16,18,4,20,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,14,88,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151404936859416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403659768337831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696126065501179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241163730488405,0.0,0.0,0.12244963157764772,0.0,0.13135353841365358,0.18558824720232545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035342897105122,0.0,0.06786266249411341,0.0,0.0,0.21789273941983986,0.0,0.4296157065308941,0.0,0.0,0.11486214178704887,0.1382713360095681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753576567603473,0.1411269017442837,0.0,0.2752374667528573,0.12691631830839012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623056718938407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035982273400446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801747213916562,0.09878792374479076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24557787228472305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354953417832902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355045933472703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005618394273092,0.19999280481145015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207962168968916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629377829737396,0.08322887865512238,0.12761720296405407,0.0,0.1514809198453335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624282479607993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720638287860308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227080707756924,0.0,0.0,0.0836455158330565
suicidewatch,hideonbubble,2019/02/25,"Struggling right now Hey, 

I just wanted to post here so I could maybe break out of this insanely hard panic attack that I’ve got right now.

I don’t really have anything else to say except that I can’t get the thought of taking paracetamol overdose and jumping under subway right now. 

I feel like I’m terrible for even thinking like that, but it feels the easiest way for me. It’s just that I don’t want anyone to get any traumas, which would make me feel even worse.

Sorry, wanted to just vent a bit, taking this post down when I’ve hopefully calmed down.",6.575135135135138,6.013344306306305,6.5078828828828845,81.3547972972973,65.3963963963964,9.562162162162162,29.31081081081081,8.841846274778883,2.0738756756756755,442,12,88,6,6,140,73,111,0.163,0.7040000000000001,0.132,-0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,1,2,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,19,22,4,0,6,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,5,8,4,13,18,1,16,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,6,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081453716040902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119697827037227,0.0,0.13086755677586015,0.0,0.0,0.1809187773576167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361879815252318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697194897534084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284856690111166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007469446205246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122996431714025,0.11361055766235835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617248229093734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719025205869364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424590086969428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795196930940245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538735794783567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061532869955666,0.0,0.1597662983564659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658660886462708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30461220310623943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187823634779394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074304381997325,0.0,0.1264664756128196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802027197581816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625194449421732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391404716194751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189954870701236,0.0,0.1262514937503268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281398789397802,0.12623004943203928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206443434688966,0.11296984594730487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sartorialfox,2019/02/25,"I crave death, but I'm scared I want to die. I feel like a burden and just a bad person overall. I don't have a job after over six months of searching, I feel disgusting, and I don't really bring joy to anyone.


I really, really want to die. But each time I think about trying, I get too scared to do it. I'm scared of feeling pain, mostly. I don't know what to do. ",0.5926607142857172,1.9692930875000023,3.17464285714286,92.65750000000004,80.625,6.571428571428572,16.42857142857143,7.447530270364453,-0.08676785714285717,277,4,67,4,7,97,46,80,0.46,0.462,0.078,-0.9927,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,3,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,17,4,3,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,0,3,10,2,10,17,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224962211452454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792225188783354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925905724815408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869014259188937,0.13512015841414815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881674992720743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876901880477256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394524719730117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240322754099076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509680727321108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125606805612986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514792483433474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634997587595379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680801202639575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119193362769295,0.0,0.0,0.11028783446566154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841222338338326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231168756574006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeWillAllDieOneDay,2019/02/25,"You should stop complaining and do it Stop trying to get attention with your stupid and meaningless life, don’t be a pussy and do it. I know you can. Pain is just a phase, you won’t feel anything after that. Good luck y’all ",2.3408695652173925,4.12321026086957,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695654,76.82608695652173,7.208695652173913,20.195652173913047,8.07648339933343,0.5941043478260868,176,4,40,3,4,55,36,46,0.294,0.596,0.11,-0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,0,12,11,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30884891072994336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897684792938556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960844666671186,0.0,0.0,0.3147929953638562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626106782786194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26509320388917496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993572830251733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6275534731947449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25481148038382145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway77940518,2019/02/25,"I'm done I've been depressed for the last 3 and a half years of my life. I'm a 24 year old college graduate, can't find a job in my field, I'm quitting the only job I've held for the last 6 years, I've never had a girlfriend. My life is literally a fucking joke. My anxiety and depression run my life, and happiness just seems so far out of reach.

I'm reaching out for help. Why the fuck should I continue to live a life that is literally hopeless. Everything would be better if I was gone.",2.3127857142857167,3.392383552380956,4.475416666666668,86.353125,75.38095238095238,8.29761904761905,27.410714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.9372142857142856,383,15,87,8,8,133,66,105,0.146,0.7170000000000001,0.138,-0.4349,2,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,0,10,0,10,6,0,0,1,13,19,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,6,0,7,3,9,10,0,14,0,3,0,2,2,4,2,2,8,45,8,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632823068335186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604895926566028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844619850466597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899098400341078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841316898243964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509308854009395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30533027844086497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578984546967116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106868668045906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277430711727421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692149993417137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665604421401359,0.0,0.0,0.1458177009862417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736270326593255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328196300658752,0.0,0.0,0.12559301407317525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564196618853076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033318710800206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900913326579138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730754461217707,0.0,0.0,0.3190256070464188
suicidewatch,2018Slamry,2019/02/25,"Man, I don’t know what to anymore with my life. 24F. Working in a $24k income job. Going through a long overdue divorce (been separated for 3 years) 17k in credit card debt. High payments on car. ($600)

Everyone I work with hates me. Hate as in, no one talks to me due to the fact that  I don’t have a degree (I work in a hospital). So it makes me feel like I’m worthless. I have no value.

I was not able to get one due to my ex husband who was enlisted bouncing us from state to state and he convinced me that he would take care of me (my mistake). 

I have no friends no one to fall back on too except my boyfriend who’s in Ireland. But even then, I can’t even go be with him due to Work Visa Restrictions. My skill set (administration) is on the “ineligible” job list for a work visa. Yeah we can get married when the divorce is over but even at that I still can’t go be with him. He doesn’t make enough income to sponsor me to stay with him (you have to apply for your spouse to stay as well marriage doesn’t rule as a permit to stay)

I tried applying to colleges in Ireland but i was rejected because of my high-school GED score is a 2.7. And I have only one semester of college done.

I just feel so alone and worthless and stupid. Like I have absolutely nothing to contribute to anyone. On my days home i just sleep the day away. And take more sleep aid when I wake up. So it’s like at this point... what’s the point of carrying on? I’m not happy. I’ll probably never find happiness. Suicides been on my mind for a couple of months. I’m this close to crossing that line.
",0.9113636363636352,2.8890103181818176,2.7203030303030324,93.37045454545456,82.18181818181819,5.8181818181818175,22.424242424242426,6.980632752743323,0.5332424242424234,1215,41,278,15,33,403,171,330,0.119,0.8170000000000001,0.064,-0.9623,5,2,0,0,2,1,47.0,2,2,0,6,14,17,3,0,13,1,25,4,3,3,2,33,43,17,1,2,8,3,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,12,12,0,1,4,0,4,6,13,7,1,4,6,2,37,10,54,34,2,47,0,3,0,0,21,21,0,0,17,177,49,10,0.10034710052414644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039293330409233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951735964968454,0.07016502587278392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427940416699022,0.07716072624621052,0.0,0.061170661091406175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231055676803824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103215809761216,0.0,0.12943115665914662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268992360535624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368537931224207,0.0,0.198834940500462,0.0,0.0,0.09588595483134173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147701823604134,0.07168798866474896,0.0,0.0,0.0917154319380638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775279209432101,0.0,0.10485443670005687,0.0,0.1710887091831344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364270890941214,0.0,0.19814397368641054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120444422837698,0.10065632362818884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991580269171901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514814214467653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087812471653042,0.14707357376479716,0.0,0.0,0.0888040262247694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396493761574682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132196578657804,0.0,0.08009609827119138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739387012674176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628574932918574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719911692741413,0.07631849176214331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972089008920606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819114650929508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155662300645077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008391400001034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208699726565101,0.0801373241022174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976344097994832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508970624868226,0.08065519832069867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812909429922108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070520651794148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022409457350897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652694215488886,0.0,0.0,0.0712837011133875,0.0,0.0,0.06462024272862574
suicidewatch,temporalindifference,2019/02/25,"I literally have everything, and I'm still going to off myself tonight I am a young, smart, handsome man. I am loved by many people and I have recently restored relations with my parents. I'm a pretty nice and laid-back person that has been through a lot of shit, but hasn't been embittered by life's difficulties. I have to support of a lot of people that intervened when I went postal and drove a couple thousand miles to New York about 11 months ago. I got put on some very effective medication and have been seeing an awesome therapist for a while. I'm going to a nice school where I actually have friends on campus. There's even this cute girl that I'm really into that I've been talking to for a couple of months now. Objectively, I'm as privileged as they come.

And yet, here I am, at the precipice of oblivion. I'm so frustrated and angry at myself. I keep fucking myself when it comes to school, from skipping classes to missing assignments and labs. I sleep through the days and sit in the dark at night playing video games. I agonize over petty nonsense like what to say to that girl I mentioned, my overweight-ness, and the like. I'm so fucking bored of my life. I feel really fucking angry. I'm super afraid of women, to the point where I can barely talk to them. I have no right to hate myself, and yet I do. I'm fucking tired of making the same mistakes. I feel empty, and yet I feel too much and I want to stop feeling. I feel like I don't have a good reason to be doing this, but goddamn do I want to do it. I know this sounds like meaningless stream-of-consciousness- bullshit, but that's the best I can do right now. I'm sitting here with my belt trying to build up the courage to actually hang myself this time. Hopefully the 4th time will be the charm.

I feel like my problems are trivial compared to some of the other people on this sub, so I won't waste your time any longer. I'm going to write a very pretty suicide letter, print that bitch, and then I'm going to hang myself.

May God have mercy on my soul.",3.789062754686228,5.002089638141811,4.787146699266504,85.02357253463735,71.93398533007334,7.604922575387123,26.83626731866341,8.021203637495839,1.5673295191524037,1598,54,324,22,30,522,201,409,0.18600000000000005,0.603,0.211,0.6938,1,0,0,0,0,3,49.0,0,1,2,3,19,34,8,1,22,0,31,11,2,3,0,46,73,26,1,5,3,1,6,5,1,3,4,2,0,5,16,19,0,2,9,3,0,11,4,13,0,1,7,9,42,21,53,61,7,54,1,1,1,5,18,18,6,6,28,210,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.1817799731433349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256188401921306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333754525606823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161795121231984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774337406929008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604615756400793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611251522594112,0.0,0.060066789893803874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151726731475634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370710471872017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825625092489622,0.13307668614520005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195876879108687,0.3444211017995249,0.0,0.0,0.21173159668747524,0.07812036627912222,0.07449156839915606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195523507132274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250779627485237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827860022868037,0.0,0.0,0.05118662233640517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315733100222989,0.22751444815114225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836647263465953,0.08406136010235978,0.0,0.06217084022584105,0.0944280758707852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938274939939812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868492657727098,0.0,0.06846769943693454,0.0,0.0,0.08995398711159032,0.0,0.08740440940430233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341956192035744,0.0,0.0,0.19371205022114046,0.08132516575857067,0.0,0.0,0.08804622578985867,0.0,0.0,0.1895111896357882,0.0,0.0891212070460558,0.0,0.0936301709034775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933413903111068,0.09576214934188174,0.09196328130394793,0.0,0.0,0.15907997069381294,0.0,0.07406767394379603,0.0,0.18852277902506528,0.07421952666682677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956055905367312,0.0,0.0,0.09320601574015178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438072769721155,0.07786816718879523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187867770858826,0.10569275207913867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497228017248079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081412697956124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629298659623668,0.10704929421446156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323509885186936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153698449436469,0.10987129819871708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634055626508237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EnjoytheEnigma,2019/02/25,"All of the posts with zero replies Are actually a good thing, I think. 

When my post doesn't even get replies here (which is often) it reinforces my belief that my life is not livable.

When I do get replies, my life just gets worse. I forget for a minute how bad it is. But no one can save you, not even by validating you pain.",1.7982587064676598,3.577090343283583,2.8545522388059688,94.485907960199,78.40298507462687,6.257711442786071,21.61442786069652,7.1686216300943375,0.33400696517412953,251,7,59,3,6,80,50,67,0.213,0.705,0.081,-0.8375,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,1,1,12,11,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,9,2,4,11,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.24627547802842306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071734996240374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333743349823879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955567393633945,0.0,0.0,0.21167491904046132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565109980071713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101158431263927,0.0,0.2685381244104968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.483398968629258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676625718087507,0.16170769340969862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571852986055432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonwhyjustwhy,2019/02/25,"Just Cant Be happy - todays my bday I tried to kill myself a couple weeks ago. Ended up spending the week in a mental health facility where finally I was able get diagnosed with general anxiety and bipolar. Ive been diagnosed depressed before but always felt it wasnt just that. Bipolar runs in my family. I felt like I was doing better, my mind was calmer than it had been in a year and a half that had been hell for me. I knew my problems outside the facility were still there but now felt I had a plan. Ive tried the plan and I just cant help but think all the folks that said they were with me and cared about me....just dont. Their lives go on with without me, I dont believe I truly make a difference. Everyone else gets to be happy ""Im okay."" But I am not happy alive, and Ive seen that it doesnt matter if I am gone. Happy birthday to me",1.1222477817942824,2.9705834134078235,3.348872822872168,89.80686493591853,80.7877094972067,6.446401577390734,20.58527768649359,7.5105763829236425,0.621886362142622,657,18,145,10,17,225,100,179,0.191,0.708,0.101,-0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,3,8,12,2,0,10,1,25,5,0,1,1,29,38,10,1,2,10,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,0,1,3,8,4,0,1,19,5,25,8,15,17,1,18,1,1,1,0,4,6,1,1,10,99,32,0,0.12049403685428928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681069347716332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026069123880806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921776083868492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253155055783954,0.13575551743328804,0.0,0.10656718375357624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285170107953865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332435994606187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378133738095756,0.2445978220551073,0.0,0.12589062266429274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28243622760093395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065730633465343,0.0,0.1067219521279704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513721587278206,0.0,0.0,0.11359105425156445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470795141051989,0.1319953276718826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259063220967925,0.0,0.06847953793046158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130725712356078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807952662092456,0.0,0.0,0.08076461299814178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015423668316886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330879910247015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588673000181113,0.0,0.1063984420954278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043070525176826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142964864919875,0.0,0.12166462823406847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152965201944262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461742190522678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622669348032807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720771348026374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421425793994233,0.0,0.0,0.16361508317550907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330609655249925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161519516878025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759420918198355
suicidewatch,cever6,2019/02/25,"I want to go be with my mom (20,NB) So my mom died last June. She was my absolute best friend in this entire world, and I miss her more and more every day. Life seems pointless without her in it. I just want to go be with her, wherever that is.

The shitty thing is, I have so much to live for. I have a great boyfriend, a loving dad, tons of friends, so on. But I feel so disconnected from everything.

Any tips to deal with grief? The only reason I'm still here is because I couldn't deal with how that would hurt my dad.",1.217981651376146,2.954314330275232,2.4096238532110092,97.20085779816515,80.00917431192661,5.827889908256882,19.156880733944952,6.742157984588678,-0.1515108256880735,398,9,96,4,10,127,73,109,0.128,0.701,0.172,0.6637,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,0,17,19,8,2,4,3,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,15,5,15,14,5,10,0,3,0,1,13,4,0,1,4,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283732851418845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011282264383207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956426085180925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649400009342813,0.3724514881654803,0.0,0.0,0.1874695954092668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219195341070774,0.0,0.16234221076510494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913339884847178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27911479315249904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053169537434925,0.0,0.0,0.19914964589472087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933724554888958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472408360521945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758715104576804,0.0,0.0,0.15950314995020712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630292564149186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42311276459261693,0.0,0.0,0.13278678948391456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738031268441314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572185818657846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644424286187494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442545625399241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000521719475653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308525135528708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412475034599126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831722590614786,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,POISUNBPOET,2019/02/25,"I SEE YOU BY: POISUNB I SEE YOU!
BY: POISUNB

Stop! Please, stop!
You don't really want to do that. 
Before you make a decision that is irreversible.
Please, I am begging you to hear me out.
No judgement, but I know exactly how you're feeling right now.
I've been in this same situation multiple times.
Wishing and hoping someone cares enough to recuse me from the terrifying decision that has a domino effect on so many lives. It's okay to cry, scream if you need to.

How old are you? I asked.
Face full of distraught and fear. She answered, ""I am, 10.""
Wow! My eyes began to water, such a young age to want to end her precious life.
What is your name, sweetheart? I asked.
My name is Nobody Loves Me. Quivery replied.
She was scared and hesitant standing on the bridge rail.
One foot on and the other off. Hoping, someone talks her off.

Well, sweetheart. I'll call you Sunshine, because you're a beautiful ray of sunshine from here. Is it okay if I could come nearer, I won't touch you, but I want to put something in your ear and I hope that I can help you to change your mind off that rail.

Please sit down for me and close your eyes. I want you to relax and imagine how life would be without, Sunshine. Right now, you're feeling as though your family doesn't love you, care, you feel neglected, left out, empty, to be noticed, trying to belong, but it seems that everyone is too busy or doesn't have time to fit you in. So, you begin to act out for attention, change, don't care about anything, neglect school, sleep more, starving yourself, and have rages of anger towards your family. But, somehow that behavior is getting you attention, not the kind you seek. All it does is make you feel frustrated and still empty inside.

Sunshine, imagine that you did take that leap and received the results you wanted. You're family is all in the living room mourning, heartbroken, lost, questioning how and why, blaming each other, looking at photos of you throughout the years. Your father began to drink heavily, blaming himself and lost his job. Your mother also blames herself. So, she refuses to leave her bed, eat, she cries everyday and sleeps all day. Your parents constantly argue over who to blame, and decides they're not happy with each other. Your parents decided to get a divorce.

Your little sister stops speaking and sleeps in your bed every night with swollen eyes from tears she'd cried. She blames herself for not being there to save you or stop you from the choice you made. Your older brother blames himself for always being mean, wishes that he could hold you in his arms, paid more attention and tell you that he do love you. What you didn't know is that your parents were trying to find a way to not lose the house their children grew up in and all the memories it held. Your father had to take on an extra job to make ends meet because his job of ten years cut his hours in half with pay decrease. 

Your mother went from being a stay at home mom interacting with her children and protecting them from the stressful unpredictable events that may lead to losing everything they built. The lack of food to feed her children a whole meal, so you're mother swallows her pride to take a part time job to help out. Even borrowing from friends to make sure her children doesn't go without a meal or the daily necessities. Your brother is being bullied at school, filled with anger and at times would come home to take his anger out on you because you're smaller and weaker than him. He began to hate school and often contiplates on suicide to end having to face his predators at school.

Your little sister looked at you as her best friend and admired you to the point that she wanted to be just like you when she gets older. She thinks you're beautiful, smart, funny, cool and mimics your every movement. Instead of seeing that she looks up to you. You would get annoyed, irritated, be extremely mean to her and throw her out your room. Being around you brought her so much joy to her heart. When you throw her out of your room, locked the door, ignored her pleads, she would lock herself in her closet wishing she was never born, nobody wants or loves her and made a plan to run away. In her closet hidden is a bagpack and the piggy bank filled with the allowance she saved to gather up the courage to one day follow through on her plan.

I can see that the words began to affect, Sunshine dramatically. She placed her head into her folded arms and began to sob uncontrollably and screaming.

Sunshine, are you okay? Talk to me, please. I'm sorry if I upset you, but I wanted you to know and see that the permanent decision you were going to take is going to effect your family in different ways. Did you know that your mother kneels at her bed every night praying to God for help with the problems her family is facing, for protection, guidance, thanking for what her family has, that she is grateful and to turned everything around for each of you by placing her family in His hands and let Him handle it because she trust and believe in Him.

Sunshine screamed out, "" What is wrong with me? I am so selfish to want to hurt my family. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Will, God forgive me? I want to go home. Can you please walk me home?

I couldn't help but cry. To know that I was capable of changing the mind of a ten year old child, who's only solution to cure the pain she felt was to end her life. Little did she know. I was on my way to do the same, by climbing up on that rail and take that leap of death. I, too was dealing with my own darkness that day and feeling worthless, unloved, abandoned and not belonging. 

Seeing Sunshine on that rail that day, awaken something inside me to see a little girl making a huge decision made me choose to live my life. I wasn't the only one that saved a life. Sunshine saved my life as well. I walked her home and held her hand, so she could feel safe. She calmed down a lot, tears still ran down the side of her cheeks, still hurting but happy to go home to see her family. I told her that God forgive her and loves her. She is loved, wanted and important to the people in her life. Life is worth living and she should enjoy every day of her life. That life is filled with trying times, obstacles unpredictable, some solvable/some unsolvable, that after every storm there's a rainbow at the end and life is not perfect but it's a learning experience with choices to be made. 

That little ray of sunshine looked up at me with the most grateful stare and said thank you for helping me, talking to me and caring enough to stop to make sure I was ok or needed help. Will I see you again? I want you to be my friend, please. I told her thank you and I don't know, it's up to your parents, let's just get you home safe and get you feed.

We made it to her house and knocked. Her mother answered with the look of worry and tears running down her cheeks. OMG, where have you been? You had me worried. You can't throw a tantrum and run out of here like that young lady. I interrupted her from saying anything further. Ma'am, let her go wash up and get something on her stomach, she had a very traumatizing day and we need to step outside to talk. She allowed her to go in and agreed to talk. I explained the whole situation of the suicide attempt and provided a few resources to her family situation that could lighten up some of their worries. 

I informed her that her daughter saved my life by helping her helped me choose life. Her faced expression was one of shock, confusion, unaware of her daughter's mental/emotional stability and the extent it was. She thanked me and asked if I could check on her daughter from time to time. That she is grateful for the resources given and saving her daughter's life.

I stayed with Sunshine faithfully, accompanied her to the counseling sessions, found activities for her and siblings to get involved in that caught their interest and reassure her that she is truly loved, important, she has a strong support system and a ray of sunshine.  Her family became my support system as well and a therapeutic source that made me feel that I have something to live for by being there for them. Sunshine began to get better and back to her active, curious and caring self. She never had another attempt of suicide, as well as myself.

There are different stages/levels of depression, an individual may have/experience. With the right professional help could determined the type of depression and the severity of that depression. In order to provide the needed resources, medication, counseling and how to detect it at home to catch it.
Some levels of depression may include suicidal thoughts, self harm, suicidal attempts, outburst of rage or anger. To some depression is like reliving the same nightmare constantly that is not escapable or being on a rollercoaster ride. Dealing with the different types of emotions of hypermaniac or hypomaniac episodes that would drain every bit of energy out of some or irrational decisions, just to name a few.

A few signs to look for in a love one or friend that may be dealing with some type of depression.
 1. Sleeping more than normal
 2. Not sleeping
 3. Change in moods or rapid mood changes
 4. Change in personal hygiene
 5. Change in appearance
 6. Forgetting to eat 
 7. Forgetting or lost of short term memory 
 8. Distracted
 9. Zoning out
10. Lack of interest in work, school and normal activities
11. Trying different drugs
12. High sex drive and carelessness
13. Large energy of being hyper/playful
14. Elevation of voice and talking super fast

I'm not a doctor or licensed to diagnose, give medical advice or prescribe medication. I am my sharing personal experiences, the one I have tos witness first hand, educating, and providing resources that may save someone you may know or love. It should be taken seriously and receive immediate medical attention, if any signs are noticed. Do not threaten or force anyone to get help. Encourage, talk, listen, let them decide, and earn their trust to be able to open up to you to come for help. If, only if, they're a threat to self or others intended to cause intentional harm, call your local police department. Find a safe place until help arrives.

The short story ""I See You,"" is a fictional story to capture the reader's attention to reel them into the realistic imagery of suicide and the need to be brought to light. Suicide attempts, thoughts, self harm, depression or other mental health disorders doesn't come with an age limit. Any age could be impacted. Some isn't inherited genetically, but it may come from a traumatic event/s in your life. Stress, anxiety or being overwhelmed. 

National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall 
1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday

Suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Behavioral Health Department in your local office in your city.",5.10540584415584,6.870540174407115,5.270990965556184,80.68106719367591,69.43972332015811,8.182044042913608,29.447204968944106,8.729453397940006,2.365652710333145,8579,330,1539,148,154,2699,694,2024,0.182,0.631,0.188,0.9238,14,0,6,0,1,7,274.0,2,83,9,25,49,154,13,10,83,5,129,71,24,27,10,352,289,129,10,50,50,20,12,3,6,17,27,10,17,13,69,114,10,20,52,2,7,44,28,58,4,10,54,57,261,94,281,185,40,236,2,21,33,10,303,114,1,51,71,1032,330,20,0.023853910991084137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02330976574569635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01907596400138932,0.019848364841549927,0.0,0.0,0.03244295491879892,0.02501290553496558,0.018248176617153816,0.0,0.0,0.016679209196022164,0.0,0.039259472521448256,0.04247007620975552,0.06690056020612963,0.0,0.02241153459885643,0.01834218513809093,0.0,0.058164490944671,0.0,0.02029792132985114,0.02687518912921996,0.025033207915785644,0.021096845804098603,0.02604229269348279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048715020298061976,0.0,0.1216032601762015,0.024504537450037382,0.17663992438990475,0.1027401607459632,0.0,0.051555207048461435,0.0,0.13331784841184338,0.0,0.10480960452135003,0.09230279522657728,0.07377700443027305,0.14381737008199816,0.024211217535068705,0.0,0.09968903975812976,0.027338648601713,0.02441548867612924,0.02087471825696722,0.0,0.0,0.023367751492502625,0.02766296363413689,0.04881701215857287,0.0,0.05366487843265192,0.10563742461105564,0.049294933212263,0.0,0.01575528323801852,0.0,0.12058769292440015,0.022793434188878827,0.042876714179453185,0.07000110646779968,0.2473607877255007,0.026842281646982533,0.08442877888845805,0.0,0.02290349534421636,0.0,0.04360408499163298,0.02029012450324009,0.02884424385586779,0.02615458217511297,0.0737178898381079,0.0,0.12462683958972808,0.02288284501456897,0.09489709130879337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078586362336318,0.0,0.02355079861324952,0.02448099453033986,0.0507111838487129,0.02688509133639617,0.02826699937653818,0.191865284621522,0.02520296663267316,0.1914193412246178,0.07107694777360184,0.046982594643519886,0.05504842119263113,0.05107221014855483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468530375921397,0.0,0.0,0.02484017755849289,0.10487588517627157,0.0,0.0,0.025257847506711718,0.0259173440874145,0.09756896056119674,0.25273084165439946,0.03496144800797632,0.11953942730167605,0.10531720214517852,0.0,0.12018766482906612,0.05337284960979416,0.0781180850203799,0.020279742100690324,0.19376177389486404,0.1354268840592151,0.09553602489121883,0.024184121725583447,0.0,0.05196780416584492,0.0,0.09612122305920802,0.04807826355854218,0.0,0.048171300230705184,0.027937412253436263,0.0,0.0,0.01753536924462291,0.08843686374040108,0.036795213406581435,0.0,0.0,0.044770559113772215,0.04674353621280967,0.0,0.05431567153201363,0.050061333850819734,0.0,0.09698416458976393,0.054425922621348405,0.025382243120287886,0.0,0.10594778094222504,0.02583146105668749,0.0,0.016537298393721332,0.041656629978352004,0.0747667798185973,0.15710658643907846,0.02254965615198912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022824971277420315,0.0,0.023979769040464425,0.026721839534004064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015281426195188241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111332895249157,0.022690531843173867,0.018969587445991587,0.023881926250493117,0.12070715711252837,0.19008478683626912,0.021715704676041017,0.0995393260335252,0.026948129674106543,0.0,0.0,0.08043838618101137,0.11935569000161465,0.0,0.060634024121635786,0.0734556243103442,0.0,0.08010750121818465,0.0,0.05085019050529329,0.05714929239249832,0.09971468847987694,0.054649148892668836,0.0,0.0,0.20873845582260894,0.05413827102209591,0.044964057619311916,0.0,0.10761103445666337,0.13421009059181138,0.02084936960989416,0.08784590546630333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015284622984376163,0.023436346435818874,0.037874681638413836,0.09736585128880326,0.0,0.0,0.04558686837775765,0.0,0.06478095900442046,0.02594620533532496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01968197475129856,0.16883585683277075,0.056802372709677584,0.0,0.0,0.0857901228821159,0.02211281447084277,0.021524444430943118,0.05326407949854636,0.08229246124002647,0.045988637933212666,0.0,0.017365931300217994,0.07267441352352014,0.0,0.08472566982962433,0.026080507019068704,0.0,0.046083409791196926
suicidewatch,froggerinmiami,2019/02/25,"Wrote this while high I want to die so bad

Rip club penguin

I don’t want to be here anymore
I’m tired of living
I just want it all end and just stop.
Why was this my life, why couldn’t I experience life the same way others got to
I just want the blissful release of death
Just going away and being free
I
I wonder what it’s like,? Red and purple? I don’t knowZ. Everyone experiences it differently that’s crazy

I just want help so bad! I just want to feel good.
I’m so tired of being here. I don’t like it. Why is no one. Happy? 

I don’t know but please help me. I don’t want to be like this.",-2.1234090909090924,-0.37526046212121145,0.6060606060606055,101.40409090909093,104.37878787878788,3.6121212121212127,12.06060606060606,5.565023196281405,-1.373012121212121,457,8,116,4,22,155,69,132,0.14300000000000002,0.624,0.233,0.8042,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,2,0,12,4,0,0,1,25,27,8,2,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,1,1,1,7,2,0,1,3,3,15,7,9,19,2,7,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,6,68,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093311702626864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404163758380565,0.0,0.22047037240954445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370208895275856,0.137937807049885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693477821514076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615534605521836,0.0,0.25829115927317353,0.0,0.0,0.06675570147232356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503273150937001,0.11073613121780718,0.10559228643905803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054284551918264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698686952886394,0.13949144086038212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255737264963821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650602931548652,0.19350193285879427,0.0,0.11658030968124082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946341553384371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492357474187556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037863735430327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034861523447393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451014986061881,0.10479513422690236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35739551749821435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317525455716926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,W3rodst,2019/02/25,"What’s the best way out? I don’t want to read any comments saying I shouldn’t and I should keep going. I’ve tried hanging myself but damn does that hurt and I always end up stopping. I don’t have access to a gun. I have Benadryl, alcohol, and some Zoloft. What if I took a lot of Benadryl and put a trash bag over my head? Would I die in my sleep? What if I drove 100 mph head on into a guard rail without a seatbelt? My chances of surviving would be pretty much zero right? I need a good method",-0.2904354136429603,1.8711596226415068,1.5050943396226408,98.79469521044993,89.56603773584905,4.016255442670537,17.587808417997095,5.369823440869387,-0.6685637155297535,384,10,89,2,13,125,73,106,0.194,0.672,0.134,-0.8247,0,0,2,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,7,0,9,5,3,0,0,21,15,7,1,8,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,4,6,1,3,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,2,1,14,2,11,8,4,15,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,4,2,57,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066544023610016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089985993956687,0.0,0.0,0.13149866359602855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293055270005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006881911174037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921994686397887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126898825150913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989698879587056,0.16219011525952087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969081203976295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700726546764006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171876706322613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643967999208144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214966713742114,0.14338187657189333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967274550414638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439089873625054,0.0,0.0,0.1934229650674083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513746677866084,0.0,0.15377609125674813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351028618789254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166651044970295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148418918766399,0.13128596881621185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140550113071189,0.15348861037475955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864023928755924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27472990380215145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,linzforthewin,2019/02/25,"I feel like I’m going crazy.... I haven’t felt this way since 2014. Recent circumstances ie) loss of job, health issues that have left me disabled (a word I can’t accept get). I still take my meds, but I hurt so fucking bad....from the inside out. I just want it to end. I want the pain and feeling of worthlessness to go away. 

I don’t know exactly what’s stopping me. I guess I just keep waiting for it to happen. I don’t want my loved ones to find me. I wish I could just disappear. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. ",-0.2726611226611233,1.8167280540540531,1.6661261261261266,98.32521829521828,88.2792792792793,4.8568260568260575,17.547470547470546,6.297961479604792,-0.380252113652114,398,10,95,4,13,131,72,111,0.136,0.682,0.182,0.2617,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,3,0,7,4,0,0,1,25,28,3,0,6,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,3,7,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,1,4,19,3,10,26,0,12,0,3,0,2,1,3,1,1,5,53,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428696994252054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563995762251084,0.0,0.13831645601928338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226342498908955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467226995750199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512830711669808,0.11834520610739195,0.15905644609285705,0.0,0.1514072566144669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531469841220945,0.08654880792216023,0.0,0.1882930825470532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248957225736726,0.0,0.14648970555668303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608536511381429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733896329470095,0.0,0.0,0.17290259459506935,0.1643887503503507,0.1472433194308571,0.0,0.0,0.09104061043019288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998652959976474,0.0,0.0,0.08093151411804264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495116729331073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840072903162981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225329231118104,0.0,0.1762704479775986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635660429408782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703296480566812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229368426171614,0.13849644986061613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455325008849275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908345423157471,0.26298121449905504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049707229335044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onigiri1994,2019/02/25,"My Life Feels Meaningless All my life I worked so hard to do well in school in order to be successful, but I ended up choosing the wrong career path, and now I’m working hard to dig myself out of the hole I got myself into to begin with. My future looks so grim and the days keep going on and on. 

Sometimes I try to feel hopeful but other times I wonder what’s the point of all this anyway? Why am I even here? If it wasn’t for my mom, I wouldn’t have a reason to keep myself alive. I don’t think I’m brave enough to commit suicide so I’ll just be alive and miserable for now. ",2.4704444444444458,3.236375440000004,4.081066666666668,90.54097777777781,74.6,6.5155555555555535,20.28888888888889,6.42735559955562,0.07338222222222203,450,8,102,3,9,151,80,125,0.189,0.655,0.156,-0.7753,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,0,1,5,0,8,2,0,1,3,24,21,10,1,3,4,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,5,15,4,19,16,3,17,0,2,1,0,1,8,0,3,7,71,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060557839633368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563480225154034,0.1932306790107404,0.0,0.12351793093946235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891151218021381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628173957863836,0.0,0.14956848382132393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350473419560166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574250922388072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324450567966876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641805094764417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704077863766025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902312419368605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767843096954891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227678772700826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892634752531332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184957057404992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045579075063144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982805879771227,0.0,0.0,0.10904667264095724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696709255584415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814389042322728,0.0,0.1687468768772129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280369397254372,0.2722901100075104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446539844323586,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mars42600,2019/02/25,"Oh gee I seriously don't know what to do with my life anymore, I have no idea how to feel about things, I am lost and I'm trying to get help but nothing works and I really want to be better but then I catch myself drifting away and staring into nothing. I'm thinking  of just ending it because I have no path in my life",1.3852173913043475,2.9301970144927587,3.602246376811596,89.71902173913048,78.85507246376811,5.759420289855073,23.09420289855073,6.42735559955562,0.5059159420289854,250,8,55,2,6,86,49,69,0.109,0.78,0.112,0.2936,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,14,14,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,2,9,1,10,12,0,7,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492604690673576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23614099679471814,0.0,0.0,0.15321374813879113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222886690525206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261150066675425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270844064498482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131410523577222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684670430196703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837308167673965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812918497400026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550559354799572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27436589825414154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823325523663233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610140170571273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697827447481442,0.16104770029207266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706424895308395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824608637470385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297757832751532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfoTower,2019/02/25,"i don’t know what to do anymore I feel like every single time I’ve attempted to do something that interests me I’ve failed or been stopped. 

My mind is in a constant war with itself and I feel like I can never have quiet or be alone 

I’m losing interest in my dream of becoming an esports player (mostly because I don’t have the money to get the equipment for it). 

I’m being played with between people because they’d rather have a fuck buddy then a boyfriend 

I feel like I’m constantly being ripped apart from the inside out

I feel like a literal waste of space

I cry almost every night and im sick of it

It’s so hard to fucking function Im not even sure if I’m typing coherent sentences 

The only time I feel okay is when I’m high, and I’m scared I’m going to go back to being an addict once weed isn’t enough for me 

I want to jump off my roof. 

I give myself three days  ",1.386113892365458,3.1040546702127685,3.472941176470588,89.86029411764706,79.42553191489363,5.912891113892366,21.69712140175219,6.794906146795322,0.5000459324155191,690,20,148,7,17,235,112,188,0.174,0.7020000000000001,0.125,-0.9067,1,1,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,5,15,3,1,10,1,17,4,0,0,2,24,37,9,1,3,5,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,2,1,3,5,6,0,1,1,7,18,9,20,31,3,21,0,2,0,2,2,7,2,5,15,88,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052687562697652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908102183565384,0.1335080329683376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784039447073467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912097462882387,0.0,0.15716014716404855,0.14236686179453334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27860379400609303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159749877678798,0.08313388831031558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331946490419855,0.0,0.08514138410163863,0.0,0.21721820602653166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258944491362061,0.3683626969998339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383435627185993,0.0673482123969536,0.12365865261135794,0.14652082242035272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547470969090068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619656531437122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784818118906749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084352188322897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519083940396317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421315759849168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015859866361998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994204721814164,0.0,0.0,0.12096981413677828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728098422689786,0.0,0.098039036873853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936738573798682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290576770510643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923835435628822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777142453337676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149264607620973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033258037458186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603226549238096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pr14pus,2019/02/25,"would my dog miss me if i killed myself i have two. german shepherd puppies. ones 3, ones 1. the younger one is my favorite, her name is sierra. i dont see them much because i work a lot and because when my parents are at the house i stay alone in my room. even though they dont see me much, would they miss me?
",0.08675906183368909,1.9946225373134323,1.527931769722816,101.15582089552241,84.82089552238807,3.8285714285714287,20.01918976545842,3.1291,-0.7503287846481874,238,7,58,0,7,76,47,67,0.145,0.81,0.045,-0.6908,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,12,4,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,0,2,17,0,2,10,3,5,0,2,2,0,6,3,0,2,1,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771920840204796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23274689319251946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474766711639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609044334300862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027784993297536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120724549372755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622999494028464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806731492966718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880849403222984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197655523540468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042519094434358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034785083843169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875624365356946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648569307581864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898055297570794,0.0,0.0,0.2712257751246692,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beevis_02,2019/02/25,"I'm just tired I've been depressed for six years now. After a while it really wears you down.   


I have ADHD and anxiety, and its making trying to get through high school a living hell. After being forced to stay in a nightmare college prep for 3 1/2 years where my grades went from straight As to Cs at best, my self esteem is gone and I have no faith in my ability to succeed at anything, and I've constantly been proven right to believe that. I feel like I'm constantly struggling, its not even that I cant learn, I've been able to do well when I push myself enough. But I pushed myself too far and at the age of 16 I'm already completely burned out and unmotivated in life.   


I just cant make myself do the work anymore. I'm tried of it. Everytime I try to think about getting something done my anxiety seems to take over and my inevitable failure makes me too afraid to get it done. Even if its an easy assignment, Im just tired of working constantly and I dont want to do it anymore. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I wanna bash my brains out. I constantly feel like shit. I've tried medications, exercise, diets, and therapy to try to help myself but it never ends up working. It feels like I'm trapped and the only way out is just ending it all.   


I can't even really use my family to guilt trip myself not to do it. I haven't felt an emotional connection to anyone in years. I don't even feel romantic attraction to anyone. I don't care about anyone around me anymore. I just want to put myself first for a change. If me being dead upsets them then tough shit, I'd be better off. The only reason I havent done it is because I'm a lazy piece of shit coward and I'm afraid I'll fuck it up somehow. Life feels like a sick joke and I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I can't even tell anyone how I feel since I know I won't be treated the same way if people know I actually want to kill myself. I don't want to be viewed like some kind of subhuman. Socialization is already enough of a chore, I don't need people treating me like a self destructive time bomb. I feel like I'm stuck. I dont know what to do anymore. I just want a way out.",2.0511278195488707,3.5676169890109932,3.7843522267206495,89.25709514170043,76.91208791208791,6.9872758820127245,22.742914979757085,7.7627490962704995,0.9062747252747254,1690,49,373,25,38,567,201,455,0.214,0.691,0.095,-0.9948,0,1,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,1,1,7,25,32,7,5,17,0,37,16,7,6,3,67,80,23,2,12,14,0,8,7,0,1,7,0,1,2,17,18,1,0,15,2,0,7,19,14,1,2,10,9,49,18,59,63,8,54,2,1,1,1,7,23,5,6,27,234,66,9,0.06287014071732573,0.0,0.06135218821328075,0.0,0.07555769162227254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875752729330898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619097113122337,0.0,0.3117514294041233,0.1758410567725469,0.0,0.05173676892720002,0.05596775448229177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038325054241733006,0.0,0.0,0.07083311927299216,0.06597833390339089,0.05560353037668142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018386944443382,0.0,0.0,0.06410029853654528,0.0,0.06650827259576568,0.0,0.0659181463876331,0.2717611483550119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054149960075312996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930139460013588,0.14736667337666062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072044621739536,0.11136856765828164,0.1299233232179212,0.0,0.20762567500687407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926837336905954,0.0,0.22252322528131016,0.224572205452528,0.060365194443280375,0.0,0.0,0.05347730957693098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058122432017216875,0.09854116096631342,0.0,0.035730549812617585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214053007713447,0.06642575547810456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791054054502492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955649571741986,0.06546957683918256,0.10365535542605714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881407935919698,0.21500622542709333,0.0,0.05551548608777196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589892137037514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333505249844153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661741271723658,0.09697865668487037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563115010513806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808223574637609,0.0,0.0871724789688595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320185627029748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055244405095742,0.06464097566456095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369075665598343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362793888255466,0.0,0.05723461487170312,0.13117453647275198,0.0,0.19360588793440867,0.052006830083479616,0.0,0.06291554478106126,0.06408819103780021,0.0,0.048400505881367635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701120486626981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572552164878201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047270521533877306,0.0,0.05495127410056649,0.0,0.0718974850973559,0.0,0.0,0.04028464758664408,0.0,0.0,0.03666008464055142,0.1445199563664986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342349321320445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429961567634664,0.0,0.0,0.2595770653297976,0.14971017401172526,0.0,0.0,0.056527806905241534,0.058281250313947625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731063366592552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214589280302776
suicidewatch,Sensation-sFix,2019/02/25,"I'm tired and seeking ways to end my pain I'm done, I have nothing to live for. My pain is so great it overwhelms the pain I imagine I could cause to the few people who care. I'm really tired of living and I can't see a way out other than dying. I wish I could find a painless way that would not disturb anyone. I would appreciate the help here. 

I'm thinking of driving to a nice beach or a forest and overdose. TBH, I wouldn't care if I bled out... I've never cut myself, but everytime I see something with an edge I grab it thinking I should just cut myself and end it, I guess it becomes painless gradually.

I'm lonely, have no friends near me... Lost the love of my life, have no job or a place I could call home... Even my PC broke down and now I can't even play videogames. I've gone through a lot in my life, and I've had fun for some years after long and difficult therapy, but those are over and I'm back in the hole... This time there's no exit.

Maybe my dad and sisters won't get it, and I feel sorry for them, but I can't keep going. I don't want to either.

This text doesn't even make sense anymore. Sorry for the mess.",0.9286102831594648,2.520630676229512,2.7116840536512683,95.37526825633385,80.35245901639345,5.419970193740686,20.517138599105813,6.11248444174946,-0.09633770491803297,871,23,207,6,22,289,137,244,0.173,0.675,0.152,-0.4705,1,2,1,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,1,1,9,20,2,2,13,0,20,8,0,2,1,43,43,17,1,10,9,2,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,0,11,13,0,1,5,2,0,3,12,12,0,0,4,4,28,8,23,31,4,24,0,4,2,1,8,9,0,6,9,129,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907280408487098,0.07690212187674661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456953446640161,0.0,0.0,0.12146671550084905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123041381687089,0.0,0.2242683960558569,0.11298203070475908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634355478065552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414417512094115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254999085913643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482319591320835,0.0,0.0,0.2179266470370289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556103124527164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052175192905112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497198641436148,0.0,0.05746116794031655,0.0,0.06250542727270678,0.0,0.0,0.12125578020614207,0.12115780922445525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371876032647805,0.0,0.1103211289532601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091403777609015,0.09775724598674493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536738189845412,0.0,0.0,0.19423262146068748,0.09733079925410502,0.0,0.0,0.12005857960476182,0.09350294611259002,0.09926324294580216,0.0,0.07341398247622538,0.0,0.110491917488366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482506432465234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055309014398732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510864929508373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624781976410397,0.0,0.11490800605648427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045742312490104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528317167080565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466968228016783,0.0,0.24623217042335035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125774247791069,0.0,0.0,0.14094432485023867,0.0,0.0,0.06413151396573462,0.2528167539960719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648703598929978,0.2618962888270381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264741193550759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562564198518637,0.0,0.0,0.07082494049146074
suicidewatch,HisokaXHuntah,2019/02/25,"I think this is the year Im going to do it I used to make bets with myself before that if I didnt accomplish a certain thing by the end of the year I would just off myself. I think this year though im at a point where I dont want to play this game anymore and just want to go through with it. Really, I dont feel a need to play this human game any longer. I think I have done a good job with what I sought out to do and even though I have ambitions, rn they just feel like weights holding me down. I tried getting therapists but they dont return my calls or take my insurance. I find that p hilarious in a dark way because its not like im not trying. It will be devastating to my family and my sisters which is why I dont. My friends will be sad but they’ll move on im sure. Really, its selfish for everyone to expect me to endure because they will miss me than for me to find a way to end the suffering. Im making a big effort here NOT to do it and honestly if it continues this way im just gunna do it before the year is over. ",2.2213157894736852,2.7539517894736854,4.303464912280703,89.58967105263159,74.96491228070175,7.980701754385965,23.46052631578948,8.278499904357787,1.0231263157894732,800,21,194,13,16,277,113,228,0.14300000000000002,0.779,0.077,-0.9174,1,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,4,2,9,13,0,0,12,0,22,1,0,3,2,39,38,11,0,7,12,1,3,2,1,5,0,0,0,1,18,8,1,1,7,4,1,3,8,4,0,0,2,3,29,9,28,29,0,24,0,3,0,0,10,10,0,4,10,129,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135667726782495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947980650789843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000169091476904,0.0,0.1535511190470172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213068865042784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923323782590656,0.42297613341053225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982665908175994,0.0,0.0,0.05959332812425967,0.0,0.0,0.08621467365428383,0.0,0.0,0.0850569088205628,0.0,0.09124180935590408,0.06445737082698501,0.0,0.0,0.16492959886586564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970827390696427,0.0,0.04713928675581333,0.0,0.10255486846571496,0.07567716877017981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5847564554328153,0.0,0.08953524176975833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815959325572059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045292136865594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589580791246276,0.0,0.0669013302971884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852925991779075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560198971974067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503680317976851,0.0,0.06783861630503953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475917504154417,0.0599420507669493,0.1734392595175113,0.1772928943369766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251486970538795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792617203808212,0.0,0.0,0.10643509718163204,0.2148512587165671,0.0,0.10987078779009396,0.0,0.0,0.08141480291324228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640938606615554,0.0,0.0,0.23240997696100715
suicidewatch,idiotcat16284,2019/02/25,Does anyone else feel suicidal but not depressed? My life is currently going fine but almost every single moment of the day I imagine myself being dead or dying or wishing I were. I'm not even sad or lonely or anything I just want to die,5.443758865248222,6.080256638297875,6.8391489361702105,73.93333333333334,67.72340425531915,7.9687943262411345,28.43262411347518,7.793537801064563,2.066807092198581,190,6,31,2,3,65,39,47,0.27,0.53,0.201,-0.8134,1,2,0,0,1,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,14,8,6,4,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,2,6,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565136087670529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911747673919984,0.262472710596282,0.21080308944835474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520611161931426,0.0,0.22063571255180853,0.0,0.5317204813908389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224172909991524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399412521703445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919546638807784,0.0,0.2158312086679671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952540975622898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455852470954791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809378774868472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802044229583402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151093557572057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945786745390643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dneli,2019/02/25,"It’s always been this way. I have wanted to kill my self since fourth grade. Nothing happened to me. I just wanted to be gone. 

That same year I was given Zoloft and began therapy. 

Things didn’t change. 

At 12 I began self harming and just about landed myself in the hospital. I stopped only because I saw how it hurt my mother. At 13 I became chronically ill (alternatively, the illness became visible). I could no longer keep up with my peers. I had to give up volleyball. I never had many friends to begin with as a shy person, but they abandoned me when they realized I couldn’t keep up with them. 

Now at 16 I am disabled and use a cane and a walker. I spend most of my time at the hospital or in my room. Everybody has abandoned me. When you are ill, you find out who your real friends are- and often, it’s none of them. I am in horrific pain 24/7 and can’t walk without dislocating my knees and hips. I still want to die. If anything, this has intensified. The few hopes I ever did have are crushed. I will only get worse from here. Sadly, my condition will not kill me, but progress until I am not at all functional. If anything, my death wish has only intensified. The only thing keeping me here is my mother. 

If I live, the only thing I want is to live alone in a cottage in the woods, with a little goat farm. But in this modern world, being a small, solo farmer isn’t sustainable thanks to corporations and mass production. 

I am lost. I feel like an old soul trapped on this plane, and in this body that cannot sustain me. It feels like it was some accident that I am here, as if I somehow took the place of someone else. 
I know my family loves me but this urge to die has existed for over twelve years now and has only increased. 
Existing is painful and will only worsen, but I couldn’t do that to the few people that do care.  ",2.6096467391304365,4.458745236413043,3.9656521739130426,87.11358695652176,76.25543478260869,6.9913043478260875,23.72826086956522,7.8658589789855275,1.1692673913043476,1429,45,295,22,32,470,197,368,0.232,0.682,0.085,-0.9963,0,2,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,3,4,2,15,18,2,0,16,0,38,11,3,2,3,62,65,27,5,13,15,2,2,2,2,3,7,0,1,3,20,16,0,6,5,0,1,4,12,10,0,0,14,3,51,8,42,43,8,47,1,5,1,1,17,25,0,10,19,213,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777339805153452,0.0,0.0,0.07855114809774119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537182356784346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057547404769840486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048608380063202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625050502168267,0.0,0.09986622483220647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537339177214959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595154188265854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886188374843946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539323303273369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899507488772898,0.0,0.09546633858574363,0.13488354146316814,0.0,0.0,0.08628294988497379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587158509914822,0.0,0.04932185301770033,0.09056029360535996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834805689359815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376382547496596,0.0,0.0,0.10106073661695188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517301000380701,0.2088866352634305,0.0,0.051881611244352914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224141474993078,0.09461695542633802,0.16671977180966924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030524061559358,0.0,0.08520270739568549,0.0,0.0,0.09571017776252047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280968182169588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905825585558777,0.0,0.09906043345833447,0.0,0.0,0.5025860013524969,0.20090363657774368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544739506915989,0.08242936223724749,0.09863140601600022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745167763902756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969665613068763,0.0,0.0,0.07809142506969577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998765047839408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753906357230802,0.0789254260976321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869139194229579,0.107958455863728,0.0,0.18815216909125645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504735143751298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488559326738632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153418237751192,0.0,0.0,0.2227261624177933,0.0749329835923578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855919134559412,0.09100145875853152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962050767979648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158532205734192
suicidewatch,fynewis,2019/02/26,"What's even the point of continuing, if dreams feel pointless? I \[19MtF\] have had two major dreams for a while now, namely to work in tech and to travel, in particular to Japan (to the point that I've been studying Japanese for a while). Ever since I transitioned its been slowly dawning on me that my dreams will just lead to suffering. Tech has a lot of issues with sexism, and I've seen my fair share of transphobia from other computer science majors at my college. Meanwhile, I keep on seeing little things that remind me about how Japan isn't exactly the most trans friendly, and that if I go there I'll be treated as either a man or as a freak. I'm not sure which one I'd hate more, given that at least I already see myself as a freak. None of this would be a problem if I wasn't trans. Why couldn't I have just been born right? Why couldn't I have just been not born?",6.716754057428215,5.495890775280904,6.840187265917606,81.24819600499376,65.40449438202248,9.708863920099876,30.451935081148573,8.515128840125781,2.040552309612983,690,19,144,8,9,222,110,178,0.102,0.8059999999999999,0.092,-0.4066,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,0,10,0,17,0,0,2,3,28,26,13,0,7,10,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,1,4,0,3,7,5,0,2,8,4,14,4,23,12,8,20,0,1,3,0,4,10,0,6,7,102,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266407780379783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565085928563522,0.18577701814822425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384576790288352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867526705474802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672159006031645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276919306923405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436226433488395,0.0,0.1825502470642696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205843662560832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746058385933336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391700915490865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882989835729082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651991780640368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539250085132674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32732086477817723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989158949904595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356722950908928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644464824863073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006253911043504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706451148599666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495183214152199,0.0,0.0,0.14589531323950994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strangetidings,2019/02/26,"She left I lost someone that I've been dating for close to a year. She left me on Sunday. Caught up with her at the airport today before she flew off for a work trip/holiday, she basically said no part of her wants any part of us. 

Feels worse knowing that the blame is mine because I didn't commit to it anywhere near enough. 

Been driving around aimlessly, somehow ended up outside her place. After which it seems no matter where I go, it's somewhere that has memories of us. The whole time driving I've been talking to myself as if she's in the car with me, just to replay some of the memories we shared, and to imagine better times, a life that we might have had together.

I'm 32. Too old for this. There are no guns in my country. Pills seem iffy. Would my best bet be a tall building?  I just can't cope with this loss anymore. I've had many breakups, none quite like this",2.6553558052434454,4.3664352471910135,3.423393258426966,91.65437827715358,75.74157303370788,6.0949812734082425,24.22621722846442,6.742157984588678,0.6822527340823976,686,22,146,6,15,217,120,178,0.118,0.823,0.059,-0.8243,0,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,4,0,0,6,7,6,0,0,9,0,14,2,0,0,1,24,25,3,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,11,8,0,0,5,0,1,6,6,2,0,0,10,2,22,4,26,12,7,30,0,2,0,0,15,15,0,7,10,100,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433482011821313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215718862125804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658150969423746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935269570106771,0.0,0.13055407412945125,0.0,0.16101093451027834,0.13569267149317948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358897390466654,0.1585298873765841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757670550553604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719543031079692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431881930909023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33339520892227464,0.0,0.10836919538035952,0.07495610676471455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674824086149621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554970231725934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276055140204854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609945911300627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33229042785846136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602973289109222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631872471962232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594309082939586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27934621205568755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299972010483865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331786401254692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892766118781075,0.0,0.1454297395933743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691047459532664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049452490913684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129445104961402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169582566867917,0.0,0.15635402009662308,0.10898930190784524,0.0,0.0,0.09880119906941434
suicidewatch,Throwaway557710046,2019/02/26,"Is this really what God planned for me? I am stuck I'm 19F and after a bad breakup and a fallout with friends, I've been completely alone since age 17. I've gone through hills of trauma, fearing for my life age 5-13. Parents were on drugs, alcoholic. Since 2015 they are fine. 

Had 1 controlling friend 1-9th grade and then used, bullied, and gaslighted by different groups of people from 12-17. My only serious boyfriend was an emotionally abusing psychopath.

I now suffer from paranoia and am a big target (still) for bullies, narcissists, and who uses & abuses. I have therapist & medicine. 

New people don't like me, I think I come off as weird... I'm a 6.5/10 and dress myself nicely, shower, do hair and makeup, I try to be normal and very kind.  It feels like my life is a game and everyone is laughing at me trying to play it.

Where do I go? Is there anywhere to go? Is this really all there is",2.482831505483553,4.710786355932207,3.537254901960786,88.24671984047859,78.09604519774011,6.65058158856763,25.101030242605518,7.724431198458867,1.3871464938517786,703,26,140,11,17,226,121,177,0.188,0.695,0.117,-0.9166,3,1,2,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,1,2,5,15,0,1,6,0,18,5,1,3,1,19,29,12,0,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,4,0,1,0,6,12,1,1,2,2,0,4,1,6,0,0,6,2,15,9,18,22,1,16,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,9,80,21,1,0.0,0.33993568069565583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330717281457648,0.0,0.14857360161757946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108616037769954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197769056485704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357168866717973,0.1504072925010028,0.0,0.160894257580255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987740547463724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635944040721146,0.0,0.0,0.16136483537432728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370750801241399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614240257516827,0.07253393069887591,0.10248254613977016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216622026414836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305480513014747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938377871946992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264958807901434,0.14016736127422588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854738800095012,0.0,0.0,0.14055306274959545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091021452688278,0.0,0.0,0.15928710480051486,0.0,0.0,0.19890390220023832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837987819438448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23733090000490045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456140934892235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655949276269116,0.0,0.09191861581230598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947897599033616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477939270226969,0.0,0.11836339551465608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,knownpinballwizard,2019/02/26,"i don't deserve to be alive but i don't know how to die i hate myself so fucking much for everything that i put everybody through, the endless worry, the absence of a competent child, the strange behaviour, the frustration. i don't deserve to be alive and i don't deserve any help at all, i can't accept it. i should have died when i was 15, but i have no idea how to do it. the pain scares me so much. the only times i've ever come close could barely be called suicidal gestures, not even attempts, and i feel so fucking pathetic for that. i can't even try let alone go through with it, even though i'm so much more of a waste, a parasite, when i still continue to live. all i ever do is leech things from others, love, resources, money, time, fucking air. i used to pray i'd get cancer, and i feel like i've caused it in other people in a cruel twist of fate. i don't even want to escape from this pain anymore because i know it's what i deserve if i choose to keep living, but i fucking hate that i have to keep hurting people or taking things others could be using by doing so. someone else could eat what i eat. someone else could breathe this air, could have this shelter, could use this body, but no, it's me using all it up, it's me occupying this space. i can't justify it anymore. i need something to kill me, god or disease or dog or man. i can't do it myself. i never could.",3.263241379310344,3.9344179793103455,4.6318965517241395,87.68025862068968,72.65517241379311,7.317241379310343,27.25862068965517,7.365786028017652,1.2996068965517251,1074,37,234,11,20,358,140,290,0.28600000000000003,0.639,0.075,-0.9975,0,1,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,2,17,16,9,1,10,0,32,12,2,7,6,48,56,22,4,11,10,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,25,6,2,2,7,0,1,3,13,13,0,0,1,2,33,3,25,42,7,20,1,1,0,5,5,8,4,5,10,165,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892069219281902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838487245929533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702917212365294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233688475609076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953664134136608,0.0,0.0,0.08766834753718011,0.0,0.0,0.08819753300988308,0.0,0.07395714966918472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798419623338864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820948323052274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757037875160148,0.14344296977066767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22682772385292685,0.15532293120979865,0.0,0.0,0.07716163632772174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682252102646565,0.061335384221799974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31748912938694346,0.04485609990004393,0.0,0.04879381659891858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952960996193092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754731754054351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191038495725573,0.09692072179746558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262511881029625,0.09498669662510337,0.0,0.09436817939977896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779334885816223,0.0,0.04194479588448763,0.0,0.15162444802962388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748819074829799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934162429465795,0.06366097074827795,0.06621726803963214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652971871947794,0.1827131999557946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904317100034045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630876937905667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595661040785108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549064242744594,0.06609597164486848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856453439226405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391228504814364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455285939777898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140775265159988,0.0,0.0843528649589359,0.0,0.10012638796955882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829043684107105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966073013259712,0.0,0.0,0.05063996170308408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871907090511079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImTiredChaps,2019/02/26,"Hopefully checking out this weekend. I'm surprised by the amount of people on here who are organised / functional enough to get things in order for the people they leave behind before they go.  I'm going to leave quite a lot of objects and loose ends, hopefully I'll tie a few up before I leave so my Sisters partner isn't swamped.  
I'm going to take some gear up to a spot in a woods on the outskirts of town then I'm going to catch the train there and hike in, dig myself a hole, drink myself silly and hopefully muster the balls to stab myself in the heart.  I figure that should kill me.  Any doctors here give me an opinion?  
Looked into hanging and it seems a good way to go if you can manage to do it right, but I don't like the idea of leaving a corpse hanging from a tree that will one day traumatize someone.  So bleeding out in a hole on top of a bag of lime seems the best to me.  


My reasons for leaving, if anyone is interested is I hate the world.  More specifically I hate what humans have done to it, I hate the current time in history, where we're slowly choking ourselves and every other lifeform to death and are too apathetic, brainwashed and subjugated to do ANYTHING.  It drives me fucking insane, all I do when I visit my sister (my only family who wasn't an abusive narcissist) is rant about how infuriating the current system of power is.  She's got 2 young kids, so she doesn't want to hear it.  So I've got no-one I really relate to.  
Add to that I'm 34 unskilled, apart from a creative streak perhaps, which I haven't utilized at all.  And have had head-lice for YEARS.  No matter how hard I try to get rid of them, they keep fucking coming back.  Maybe I'm too lazy and apathetic to do a proper treatment.  But having them for years at my age is fucking pathetic, and to be honest the guilt i feel for people I may have given them to (a few people I'm 99% sure) is crushing me.  


This is no way to live, there is no grace or purpose in my life.  I did my time to see if my skills / attributes could one day be of use to society.  Perhaps a sobering voice for how fucked we are is needed.  But it's too late, runaway climate change is here and the human race need to suffer through the destruction of the natural world in order for their primitive reptilian motives of greed are exposed for what they are.  Bullshit.  


Fuck.",4.712205673758863,5.167003185106385,5.659148936170214,82.39333333333335,69.27659574468085,8.13900709219858,29.28368794326241,8.021203637495839,1.869913475177305,1827,64,366,22,30,603,244,470,0.228,0.693,0.079,-0.9978,3,0,1,0,0,1,49.0,1,1,8,6,19,25,11,1,31,0,38,10,1,7,3,53,80,27,2,11,7,2,2,1,1,3,3,2,0,4,18,17,1,1,7,3,2,11,8,13,0,2,7,6,42,12,66,67,10,57,0,1,2,5,23,25,5,13,17,246,60,4,0.0,0.09968379011048488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721329212211663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882771593933703,0.0,0.06923425056539162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646930465544902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318189023449265,0.0,0.08829234210165153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900150714950751,0.07247308815296565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717331588295093,0.0,0.0,0.10851758725849098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611364096937979,0.0,0.0860972198120623,0.0,0.08241826280767613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451682312449669,0.08693182914664799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088564033787685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931305911682736,0.0,0.04254014823556357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888977902168846,0.08791198949108861,0.08070799344143849,0.2390734761622708,0.07056672813169931,0.13457761415365946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753665992276,0.2491916147850444,0.0863446806870653,0.0,0.09482395103706948,0.0996979527169062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250689013149241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497586164551024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478123304760259,0.09308064559900724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949056339654144,0.44542323946578144,0.0,0.0,0.059425591814030586,0.041103110426674895,0.0,0.07429093763989582,0.0,0.07065048990914552,0.0,0.0,0.07152682681784135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452285810807651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476703511643528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402133074872667,0.06398690085915683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333087812201333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948575014422977,0.0,0.0,0.05389772313503171,0.08650268655642157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184908096206079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704306968618352,0.15318295862724018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712855768593071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929431119970914,0.0,0.06325750911964269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055894194627886314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981172013012203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057120751496700935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266385735511581,0.0,0.0,0.04962379465659137,0.133561641809021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835772483182793
suicidewatch,spokfspod,2019/02/26,"nobody could have ever helped me and i should have done it as an adolescent this is cheaper than therapy and effectively the same thing as im only telling a stranger the most intimate feeling i have. lucky theres no chance of police are coming to my house afterwards. the only memories i have of my childhood are horrendously painful. i've known i was going to kill myself since i was 9 years old. the next 17 years have been a continuation of that pain. it will never recede. all of whats left of my will to live and my money goes to drugs. as a kid i wasnt allowed to have many personal possessions because my parents were afraid that if i expressed any of my interests i would turn out gay. too late. nobody in my family interacts with me and i'm a source of multi generational shame. i know i am better off dead. not for myself but for the comfort and betterment of those around me. the longer i live the more i realize how little i need to be here. i dont know how to live. i never bought myself anything for my own comfort except what i barely need to survive. any money i have goes to getting high. its no life at all. its no existence. i am totally alone, i've alienated my friends. my personality is nonexistent. i spend almost two thousand dollars a month getting high and still want to kill myself every night. there isnt anyone on this planet who wants to spend time with me willingly. the only reason anyone would interact with me now is because we can do drugs together. ill just shoot it all at once.  they can find me when i havent paid rent and my body starts to drip into my downstairs neighbors house. i hate everyone, everything, myself. nobody will miss me or know im gone. killing myself will be the best favor ive ever done for anyone. ",3.061068141675189,5.143135227665709,4.418135167797715,83.3236924793158,75.68587896253602,7.4745375104583065,25.026401413033373,8.360895534625662,1.7244287254810828,1392,48,267,26,31,460,190,347,0.13699999999999998,0.775,0.08800000000000001,-0.9633,3,1,2,1,0,3,31.0,1,0,1,5,13,18,4,2,15,0,39,8,1,5,8,53,59,16,4,9,6,1,1,0,2,8,6,0,2,3,14,15,0,0,9,0,8,3,10,9,0,2,10,1,49,9,40,38,9,34,0,1,0,1,14,12,0,5,19,195,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092654712828243,0.09583243360665837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258461731596931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409588188587776,0.0,0.0761437173256612,0.08237068075604444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280998628961285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710377571948953,0.16366926605982704,0.0,0.10277917609943928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970578569092839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387710467939301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937916751776154,0.10844363257980873,0.0,0.2146091883630904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673960708771525,0.0779599131392035,0.08841569681359678,0.08315935479137755,0.0,0.08722837474670364,0.0,0.0467855865527293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457008993264306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714878958525301,0.0,0.09668546453064483,0.0,0.05258652484948777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135351227254307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062020429119992726,0.195524539052115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135327427145482,0.0,0.0,0.19989501122381292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071098325944926,0.0,0.15255502511103158,0.0,0.10437706346586073,0.0,0.10053333859469732,0.0,0.06535617021988165,0.0,0.09273865161339133,0.2451151608914027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381017166933027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385599228952908,0.0,0.0,0.1372185843839495,0.1427285772643775,0.0,0.09840594403075392,0.08683246561217732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709391922165732,0.09854066840682868,0.0,0.21111807169615973,0.1969153655018199,0.0,0.10274282058856686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615860048083137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513551543164857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654118049877373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549270397654415,0.0,0.07389400630923924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087467324614216,0.0,0.10581530109432148,0.0,0.061472345279039164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053954570026065074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064529133177802,0.09038766614895548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091523389681044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146029815270135,0.0,0.0,0.11917165134695372
suicidewatch,grimdorkk,2019/02/26,"i feel horrible all the time (crosspost from r/advice)

​

hi, M 13 here. things have been extremely hard for me recently but i guess this is the only place i can turn to..? none of my friends listen to me at all anyways. it's just a bunch of people saying ""relatable"" or ""mood"" all the time.

basically i'm sad. all the time. or i feel nothing. or i feel too happy for my own good

my days consist of nothing, constant routines and a really recent fear of getting dirty, or ""contaminated"" or whatever. i'm over sensitive to noise and it makes me want to claw my ears out when people even breathe wrong (misophonia). my head is a cesspool of extremely violent and intrusive thoughts, that are so vivid i'm legitimately afraid i'll end up hurting someone somehow. everything has gone so downhill recently, with last summer just consisting of trauma.

i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know what to feel anymore. i don't know who i am anymore. i'm so paranoid, and scared. i'm always afraid someone's watching me through my laptop, or people are gonna somehow think i'm gross and horrible.

i'm scared of becoming like my mom. she was manipulative and hurt me mentally, i don't want to become like her, but i slowly am. i'm hurting people around me, i just want it to end.

i just feel lost. my thoughts are scattered, my attention with school is dropping, i can't pay attention, i feel like i physically cannot do my work until the last minute, i just feel horrible. all the time. i forget so much, i've honestly considered suicide very frequently the past week. and i say the past week because, well, i have periods of time where i feel extremely happy. too happy.

i become a narcissist in these periods of time. i become too confident, i get extremely confident, and i overall feel happy. but it isn't real happiness, i know that in the back of my head all the time when i suddenly go from extremely happy to suicidal without warning.

i don't know why i posted here. maybe just advice for the future, how i could bring it up to my dad. i don't know how, though. i'm scared. but i also feel nothing about it. but i'm also scared. please give me advice of some sort. please. i'm convinced i'm gonna end up in a mental hospital at this point.",2.306941031941033,4.6011265,4.131941031941036,83.4116461916462,79.04504504504506,7.63996723996724,26.98280098280098,8.575989854853784,2.2275378378378377,1762,75,342,40,44,594,197,444,0.2,0.657,0.14300000000000002,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,2,76.0,0,0,0,2,31,31,1,7,16,0,26,4,4,4,6,72,73,31,2,4,18,2,11,3,1,2,0,4,0,0,15,12,0,0,21,0,1,3,11,16,1,0,6,17,53,14,43,64,11,50,0,5,2,0,11,14,0,11,34,212,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916315931610846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097747585419079,0.050852731155215665,0.06621827923663433,0.07426164120954509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818295291449352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440547331927139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046993806143362564,0.0,0.03725525055088566,0.2699876884570369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604380523575065,0.0,0.04879550357782852,0.0,0.0,0.03941423947684685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238974635623096,0.0,0.0,0.040366004412616736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492638906007968,0.0,0.0,0.06877157605089604,0.3090167469247476,0.04366070157723841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047217441627982124,0.0,0.06386032521040393,0.058627255941828736,0.03473316899159009,0.0512605189987343,0.0,0.0,0.06732526831764192,0.0,0.0,0.3903495159336254,0.05474720302131928,0.0,0.1254436265356823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627521407332668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152384980234506,0.09963406816279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957337949698015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667144457089939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04079486167764814,0.0,0.06139841946179296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317946746091897,0.0,0.0,0.07157736800174025,0.0,0.0,0.04492669421500885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759250097221465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046480853427686784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668272203157433,0.16947830130349836,0.0,0.0638523623786068,0.13417224486213206,0.05777360558886788,0.0,0.058531455043693975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956246226159864,0.039151953532485295,0.0,0.18103162157318825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720249886751234,0.2447478539980684,0.061851831706600725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035653986992992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337001896685346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040602214407538285,0.039160143902948114,0.060045360616624376,0.09703726318632308,0.24945729780839615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647577344271903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042642951304048,0.10814196163535104,0.0,0.09804583269064314,0.0,0.05494989246626125,0.0,0.05514695012159277,0.0,0.0,0.05891285906123023,0.0,0.04449258378308659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681986261437795,0.07426164120954509,0.0
suicidewatch,sunnielights,2019/02/26,"“Help” isn’t enough I feel like I have everything, and I should have no reason to be suicidal, but I am. 
I’m finishing my last year of college, my grades & work are good, and I have a good chance at getting a job. My family is supportive of my goals and my post-college plans (they know about my mental illness, but they don’t know how bad it’s been getting). I’m graduating without any student loans and never had to work to get through college. 
I’m social and have a good amount of friends, including 3 close friends who are also my roommates. But I feel like I’ve pushed them away with my mental illness, and I’ve been rude and reactionary and I can tell they’re avoiding me. 
They say that they care a lot about me, and I’ve told them about my suicidal thoughts, but I still feel like a burden on them (they’re busy and stressed out with college too). Because I’ve been so rude and selfish and made their lives hell with my anxiety, I know they would rather not be friends and would be better off without me. Rationally, I know this shouldn’t be true because they said they do care, and I didn’t start relapsing until 2 months ago, but all the signs suggest that my friends are avoiding me. 

I have a therapist I see every week, and I have a psychiatrist I see regularly too. I’ve been having panic attacks every day for the past several days and am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow morning, but I don’t know how I’m going to get through tonight or the rest of this week. 
I’m on effexor xr and take 0.5 mg Ativan as needed (supposed to take once every 6 hours) but have been taking it more often than that and just want to take a bunch right now so I can sleep. I don’t care if I wake up or not. 

The only thing keeping me alive is my sweet kitty. I love him so much and can’t imagine how he would feel if I disappeared. I don’t want to abandon him. ",6.091947368421053,5.1401374578947365,6.4457894736842105,82.69052631578948,66.52631578947367,9.705263157894738,32.68421052631579,8.841846274778883,2.393010526315789,1454,52,314,20,20,471,182,380,0.16399999999999998,0.652,0.184,0.7908,1,4,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,11,5,18,30,4,4,12,0,40,5,2,5,3,75,80,39,2,11,17,0,4,3,4,5,2,2,0,0,9,24,0,4,12,0,1,3,14,12,0,0,11,10,53,18,32,60,8,30,1,1,3,1,27,9,1,6,21,201,62,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627262289650695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880918294678429,0.0,0.0932284039729429,0.0,0.05851272366050085,0.0,0.06582325921790996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788722593951052,0.08084096741944911,0.0,0.07184296555611057,0.10490298414609499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760987346394968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26318211679725073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098224486029563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890622978490313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748679707514068,0.0,0.0773306048888565,0.0,0.0811144218176865,0.0,0.17402528998830752,0.18440908936212524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659088561894867,0.0,0.17981730317345074,0.0,0.04890066530476997,0.21650833100021885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057673334663880436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473579500111024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538517880754397,0.07647966865752884,0.0,0.0,0.23643706712785376,0.07013716803901374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610993981169827,0.0,0.07597823763269068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315134816874122,0.07765787439834483,0.08141670883548179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342379303727454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867932745202332,0.0,0.0632520815359473,0.06380037555019391,0.06636227062168484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163382175305668,0.0,0.06544017498367992,0.0,0.10095384130921936,0.0,0.0,0.08213852784779127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240616033584201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846734048380725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734809213673769,0.08184734237509955,0.06842547055033198,0.0,0.0,0.2056972670717675,0.0,0.0,0.09720498448645716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610592375266203,0.08771080199893615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090223315246431,0.0,0.06871467701847703,0.0,0.09856286381563296,0.0,0.0,0.18823586836399292,0.09764146637387966,0.0,0.0,0.2587768690302964,0.0,0.07520605971513926,0.0,0.0,0.09990346500269676,0.057163666749103136,0.0,0.0,0.06830915328103533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082218522900013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150170619544308,0.0,0.1380382668248182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658862745174705,0.0,0.12528179900014064,0.0,0.0,0.1833691062272145,0.0,0.0,0.05540937581456182
suicidewatch,MoveTheStars4No_One,2019/02/26,"I found their note. Keeping it vague cause they reddit. My sibling has been dealing with depression and anxiety for a long time. They are young, still in their teens. It got to a bad point and I helped them come forward with their struggle to get help. I don’t know all the details as I do not live with them but we talk all the time as I too had depression before. They’ve seen a therapist, gotten medication, etc. but I know the home life is hard. A bit earlier I found their suicide note, it was several pages long and had to have been written recently by what was mentioned. I don’t know what to do or how to approach this with them. ",2.264973958333332,4.3476201328125015,3.135625000000001,91.58020833333336,78.140625,6.7666666666666675,24.729166666666664,7.793537801064563,1.2082322916666666,499,18,107,8,12,158,80,128,0.17,0.815,0.015,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,9,0,3,4,0,1,7,0,14,2,0,2,2,23,26,9,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,9,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,12,2,19,0,14,14,5,12,0,2,1,0,15,3,0,1,8,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416843453188404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552395720330854,0.0,0.0,0.13811577828602015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772029492706232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673940185557226,0.0,0.13981763976778205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673368128179171,0.2795986231740261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102107506256945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35593403030377097,0.0,0.0,0.08480145659027698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981594172466585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539990346604506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758897278969652,0.0,0.16281243078173144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427059436975848,0.0,0.0,0.26760771957570434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464594928954172,0.0,0.0,0.14332469916311494,0.28728248463090605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351252570260144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534375495353721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602637751240798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833666533044503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962278039898065,0.0,0.0,0.16968401578537892,0.0,0.177543267951302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304604462038791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884570439246871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892911680209063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imtrynakillmyself,2019/02/26,"So i’ve been depressed for the past year and tried to kill myself 2 months ago.. and now i’m slowly healing There’s pretty much nothing good about my life. I’m poor, people talk about me to other people, have shitty friends, abusive family, not smart, and i think i’m ugly. I also have the worst health and social anxiety. For the past 5 months, i thought of ways to kill myself everyday on my way to and. from school (i’m 16) and i was thinking of jumping in a river. (i live in toronto and the cold would numb my senses and would let me calmly pass away). For the past few weeks, i think i’m getting better

What helped me a lot was music. I listen to R&B a lot, and read the lyrics. It just gives me this feeling that almost relaxes me (reply for my playlist on spotify.. i can give u the link) and as cringy as this sounds, reading manga and trying to stay calm when talking to people and pretend they are just soulless CPU’s. It helps :) ",2.2385371111795496,4.100071246073298,3.4336495226362835,90.45630736064061,77.37696335078533,5.541238065906992,22.23005851555282,6.2272716619740125,0.3680437942716357,732,21,150,5,17,237,118,191,0.194,0.6970000000000001,0.109,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,1,9,12,2,0,10,0,10,4,0,0,0,26,24,17,2,2,3,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,7,12,0,0,6,4,1,2,1,5,0,0,4,4,20,7,23,17,5,21,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,3,11,95,27,3,0.0,0.14523015784500048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865446375754356,0.0,0.1227401647672594,0.0,0.0,0.09802239113793416,0.0,0.1328088881169925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376878179212757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516231684492866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084067505597844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557281480041686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555186737923948,0.0,0.06197710215625914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470037570641096,0.0,0.06403986092476997,0.23516831801563934,0.0,0.10280926371091086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029044031337542,0.0,0.0,0.16431754968007695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27121996139343263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534022938964906,0.08657764787653753,0.0,0.0,0.10823509607667224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084160792320136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567480996828512,0.0,0.0901060005522836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761306798522858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35103228490957833,0.25493215410702524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470183384586345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521435959944116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240514415603908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494876660882392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064758517014666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704069168165134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23562142795948784,0.0,0.09731007191864444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643941300579376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945870868318972,0.09832147689625488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414611910272096,0.0,0.0,0.07893364339181702
suicidewatch,iamapeiceofshit12,2019/02/26,"I’m just destined to be a terrible person. Well Reddit, it’s been awhile since I’ve been suicidal. But here we are... yeah... I remember what this feels like. 

Here’s the deal. I am a senior in high school and am addicted to cannabis. For the past few months I have been stealing weed from my parents. I am a fucking idiot and obviously they found out, and I denied it. 

My parents started wondering what was going on and blamed my friends. I stayed silent on the issue, yet I kept stealing.

Today my parents sat me down to tell me that my shitty, manipulative, toxic, lie-filled jig is up. They were almost on the verge of tears as I admitted to stealing and lying and being a worthless piece of shit. Seeing my mom cry as she told me she felt like she couldn’t trust me completely tore me apart. 

I have long worried that I’m a fucking psychopath or narcissist or abuser pretending like I don’t just leech off of others for my benefit. But I do. I cheat and lie and steal and don’t know how to stop. I am part of a select few of people who just don’t deserve to exist because they can’t function properly in normal society without hurting everyone around them. 

I have never wanted to self harm, but I have an urge to cut. I already hit my legs and arms until they bruised. 

I have an almost full prescription of Effexor that I could take. It might stop anyone else from getting hurt. ",2.9292457420924585,4.890961018248176,4.193886861313867,85.32883515815087,75.67883211678833,7.048418491484183,26.015206812652067,7.9370924344782425,1.5977717761557175,1085,40,212,17,24,356,161,274,0.183,0.755,0.062,-0.9817,3,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,5,0,9,22,6,0,12,1,26,6,3,2,2,43,46,19,1,4,9,4,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,11,13,0,3,7,1,0,1,7,15,1,0,10,3,40,7,32,30,5,27,0,3,1,2,21,14,3,6,14,150,51,2,0.0,0.14001395248415688,0.0,0.1288244224209086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236663456855318,0.0,0.13040523397081527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262828906437683,0.12108070858009007,0.0,0.1051977252759295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203627454059391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390061238884954,0.0,0.0,0.09435035975071236,0.0,0.1298058888364221,0.0,0.12182966983475188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871715903109236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129179715173606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975108176687099,0.0844217724735747,0.11346321109383632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956899520383955,0.09129903940847144,0.21849537085325274,0.061739752801084125,0.0,0.06715960999176655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485472109199358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25301015735912835,0.0,0.0,0.12334038683197615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494398845880274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319793751380025,0.0,0.0,0.10457809510802096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253613304647335,0.0,0.13840108054632064,0.0943233965719643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114117743272666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115783019946903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936465347310018,0.1279682631270195,0.11280810723484015,0.08192526731699881,0.10318283147740433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386531974244595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959590832893698,0.09416741842409126,0.0,0.12327868947667045,0.0,0.12130138862470898,0.09775271983307572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364242491703207,0.12595513943946646,0.0,0.19759339922769348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926048579296254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885029217214915,0.0,0.1032871354204987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201280339442048,0.1129179715173606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970063657722762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062504071545321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139131485241134,0.1281519953106145,0.0,0.12000893602792645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ravviollii,2019/02/26,"I dont know Here's a few basic things before I vent a little, my name is Syd, I'm a freshman in highschool and I've been self harming for three years.

Actually, I don't know if it counts. I don't cut or that. I bite and scratch my arms until all I can see are the marks.


I've been clean for a few weeks (which I'm really proud of), but I've been going through triggering tags on here and Tumblr. 

Usually I just listen to music and hope for the urge to pass but it's extremely strong right now and I don't know what to do

I don't want to not do it, but if I do it'll take me forever to recover what little progress I have again..

Thanks for listening",1.0877083333333353,2.353900131944445,3.2663888888888906,93.0175,78.93055555555556,7.022222222222222,21.027777777777786,7.793537801064563,0.5614694444444441,505,13,124,8,12,173,85,144,0.028,0.8109999999999999,0.161,0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,6,0,16,1,1,1,1,21,29,12,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,3,4,14,4,14,25,3,13,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,4,6,79,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.22729897863419898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982000821336535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729836972300827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237535147423324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231344820283306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840247121488575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668995198943527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921626100458854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989147332052391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185609254026914,0.0,0.2429891991742917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512890048525406,0.0,0.0,0.2144439496486876,0.0,0.0,0.15474350768659886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256531472866385,0.0,0.1373838571429978,0.0,0.18683655911371505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499945972658378
suicidewatch,evergreenbaby,2019/02/26,"Advice Appreciated Hello! I'm wanting help and don't know what to do. I am quite lost. I pushed my boyfriend away, my parents, my siblings, I literally have no friends just cats. I am so depressed I haven't been wanting to eat. I quit my job. I do t wanna leave my bed. As silly as this may sound my cats are the only thing keeping me alive. I live with my parents after having two abusive ex's. The guy I was with was really sweet and nice and had his life together which was the problem he was so busy with that and I didn't wanna hold him back and I just am not confident with myself in any way. I don't know where to go or what to do . I wanna run away or rot away . I'm broke . Can't talk to my parents cause they get upset. I've had bad family history and abuse situations. People have told me I'm smart and pretty and gonna be successful but I'm just so fudging sad. I wanna just run off to Washington state with my cats and start over cause I always manage to mess things up. I'm 20 year old female that grew up to fast and now is lost and do went even know what to do as a career or anything. I had a life set upultiple times but it didn't make me happy. I just either fidge things up or am lost. I won't last much longer please help I'm begging you. I need advice or anything.  ",0.4860314595152104,2.3928691335740098,2.7093695203713253,93.25800992779786,83.29602888086644,5.54559051057246,18.918127900979886,6.7097532225279775,-0.008892625064466309,998,25,231,11,28,339,150,277,0.147,0.76,0.093,-0.9422,4,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,1,1,6,13,17,0,1,5,0,31,3,0,3,0,47,54,24,0,8,14,4,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,1,11,16,1,2,3,0,0,6,9,10,0,1,15,2,36,7,31,35,2,28,0,6,0,0,16,10,0,6,9,149,47,4,0.0,0.25045694604316426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065632122025648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794472761692103,0.0,0.0,0.07187460670435306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739520431453914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979050901433934,0.08127110161194417,0.08824892383715148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715087249009815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103289968297457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081499375800058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069808979427586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963759677338027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165785688218354,0.0,0.0552200322241783,0.0,0.060067552260161874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465231186204534,0.0,0.11251176051029307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416870720408183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488361780560727,0.09394445791881413,0.0,0.0,0.17425770137188396,0.0861535928050505,0.0,0.11191322493818252,0.0,0.0,0.1493076479741945,0.0,0.0,0.09332852081240436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461279437332388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055064530280923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769623765944808,0.07836973932142811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090662643488307,0.0,0.0,0.08038400104063415,0.0,0.0,0.3520774435689083,0.0,0.0,0.07327395553063598,0.0,0.0,0.11601875907249876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752739284477827,0.0,0.10113356429516468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248342250095492,0.0,0.0,0.06770939949272753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880293446683983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480978121353643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495172527714426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065244317847526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061630217322618835,0.0,0.0,0.10099382882154996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324633307898333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246804926557032,0.08389388304488217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797811865140617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806258272153783
suicidewatch,Angle_flower,2019/02/26,Please help someone from killing themselves I don’t personally know him but I came across him on the teenagers subreddit his username is king_toaster_29,5.373600000000002,8.621771160000002,2.879999999999999,83.32000000000002,97.4,6.8000000000000025,37.0,7.554174236665415,3.948200000000001,129,8,19,3,5,35,23,25,0.107,0.754,0.139,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681494445323268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743564631984349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528484602015724,0.0,0.2249498416703632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573996940250406,0.0,0.4493069966839616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468128471560833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nuklobsta,2019/02/26,"I wrote my suicide note I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I failed everyone. Stay strong, unlike me. I'm tired of pretending. I can't continue living if anything I do never amounts to something significant. Just forget about me, my death has lifted a burden off of your shoulders. Don't cry about me being gone, everything ends eventually, and if it makes you feel any better, it was my time. I'm sorry I was such an inconvenience. You should hate me for throwing such a wrench in your hopes and dreams. I'm just not very strong willed, this is basically just natural selection. You should subvert whatever negativity that comes from my death into something important. There is no god, or afterlife, the only saving grace is death itself. I am truly sorry. Don't take this personally.",3.9593154761904756,6.597847729166666,5.2200396825396815,75.95750000000002,75.18055555555556,8.280952380952384,26.257936507936506,9.04235418022936,2.54761865079365,619,23,105,15,14,205,95,144,0.251,0.563,0.187,-0.9051,0,0,2,0,0,1,22.0,0,5,0,4,8,9,1,0,4,0,15,2,1,1,1,20,28,5,4,5,7,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,1,2,0,3,7,3,0,0,4,1,19,6,10,20,1,11,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,4,70,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831989859117698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310787532427336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087546611048704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721072967734418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749681211460115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410800606781014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220453784580396,0.14315592841236766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053975522147265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572618846780965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582068750987035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065239969447962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632459911992194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228511334684914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114413198656444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390823353236136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24525219099686885,0.0,0.7132302574422908,0.0,0.1697776140509249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742329607720343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976320045252895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928809101940304,0.1830757514628592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142757892866394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RavingsofTurmoil,2019/02/26,"Terrified that it may be the best solution. I hate myself. I'm a trash human being who is a pile of resentment, manipulation and bad deeds. I try and tell myself I'll do better then fuck up again somehow, by falling into old habits easy. I'm at a point where I feel like suicide would be a better option that struggling to get better and putting more people through my bullshit excuse for an existence while i work on morals and healthy choices that most elementary school kids are taught. I just want to be better.... But the goal seems so hard to attain now. I'm losing hope fast, and need to have one thing go right. ",5.167128099173553,6.005385247933887,5.52197314049587,82.41205061983474,68.42148760330579,8.033471074380165,27.521694214876035,8.07648339933343,1.6538999999999997,489,15,95,6,8,156,92,121,0.245,0.564,0.191,-0.8797,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,9,6,13,3,1,7,0,10,1,0,1,0,19,23,9,1,4,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,1,1,2,8,7,12,16,3,16,1,1,0,1,5,7,1,6,7,61,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490984188806835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821335886944067,0.6139755239295585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775381507962399,0.12398658553572355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604473241540635,0.09067448973571536,0.0,0.09863439826966962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554697594182308,0.1713480542517906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237768880175822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478942601719425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941618643319927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286876489829369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821151012637292,0.0,0.11760427723770304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032007699098694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406406292806075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446910544168448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821365758934069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175645309062775,0.0,0.15799649956892592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143569894069966,0.0,0.18983925364958304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169332359803353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530116896253613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783136805950632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102366293500671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634894414529782,0.0,0.0,0.12328735775710195,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kiwi_maddog20,2019/02/26,"I'm lost Hey everyone, wanted to try to write a little about how I feel.

​

Where  do I begin? So basically I've been depressed ever since I was 15-16 and  I recently turned 20. I struggled through school and dropped out of  highschool when I had about 1 year left of my course because I felt like  I was going crazy. I'm very introverted and shy, and I had a small  friend group through my entire school experience. The 2-3 friends I had,  have all graduated and are now working jobs and have moved on to  greater things, meanwhile I'm at home taking online courses as I  mentioned earlier and it just feels like everyone has forgotten about  me. Not that I was ever popular but people have just stopped talking to  me ever since they pretty much noticed I wasn't ""right"" in the head. I'm  incredibly lonely and I feel like all of my teenage years have been  wasted by just being at home by myself being too sad and stuck in my own  head the whole damn time.

I  suck at making new friends, it feels like everyone already has their  own established friend group and I have no clue how to begin breaking  down that barrier, to me it seems like people aren't really looking for  new friends. This seems especially true because I live in a pretty small  town/community and everyone seem to be content with the friends they  have. Not to mention I have severe social anxiety, I have never ever  felt comfortable talking to people I don't know, and I kinda just prefer  to be by myself, but I still feel lonely which is kinda strange huh?

I  guess I'm just looking for meaningful connections and relationships but  I don't know, it just feels like everyone in this town is extremely  shallow and vain, and i always feel like an outsider.

So  the thing is, my mom is pushing me to try to get a job on the side, at  the same time as I am doing the online courses as I mentioned earlier.  But because I can't sleep and I'm sad all the time, just doing basic  things exhaust me. I am currently doing the course at 50% speed but I am  still getting extremely stressed out. Once upon a time I was actually  pretty decent at school stuff but I don't know why this is so hard for  me now. I feel like the biggest letdown, and loser of all time.

My  self confidence has never been high, and it has never been lower than  what it currently is. During my childhood I would constantly get rude  comments about my long hair as a dude, even from relatives. I was always  told I looked like a girl and was constantly getting questioned ""When  are you going to cut your hair?"".

People  always made fun of me in school, I remember getting up to do a  presentation in school (which I was obviously extremely horrified and  nervous about) and this one guy trips me on purpose ofcourse, I have an  embarassing fall and everyone in class laughs at me. The presentation  didn't go very well, voice shaking and I could barely get through it. I  remember actually having the courage to go to a school party/disco once,  and there this girl came up to me and asked me to dance, I said yes and  turns out she just did it to mess with me, with her friends laughing in  the background.

I've  thought about killing myself multiple times, it's always in the back of  my mind but I love my mom and sister so much and I would never want to  hurt them, they have always been there for me and still are.

I  have been to a psychologist once, and the first thing they did was to  give me a ""Are you depressed test?"" where I had to answer questions with  a scale to 1-5. Funny thing is I had already done this test before on  my own, just googling if I was depressed and immediately the doctor  wanted to prescribe me medicine. This just reinforced my idea of  psychologists just wanting to make money off you, and sell you  anti-depressants. It left a bad taste in my mouth and I havent talked to  another psychologist since.

Everyone  says your teenage years are the best time of your life, so where the  fuck do I go next? My teenage years were the worst time of my life, and I  don't see it getting any better. The thought of working a 9-6 fulltime  job for the majority of my life, just so that I can afford to live and  keep doing the same thing every single day is the single most depressing  thought ever. I don't ever want to be stuck in that rat race.

I  draw, paint and play guitar/sing a lot and this is something I would  want do for the rest of my life, but realistically the chances of  awkward little me, making a career in any of these fields are extremely  slim.

Currently  I'm going through an extra rough patch, and I almost attempted to kill  myself the other day, I just feel like the future of my life is  extremely bleak and depressing. I have nothing going for me right now  and I have lost interest in almost everything, why would anything get  better once I get older? Who wants to be friends with a guy who sits in  his room all day listening to music. It feels like I'm gonna die alone  and depressed.

I  apologise for this jumbled mess of a post, english is my 2nd language  and it's 4 in the morning where I live. Sincerly thanks if  you read all  this, I don't know what the point of this post is, maybe one of you  kind hearted people can help a lost soul in a time of need. Cheers.",5.303947171505539,5.830649851167319,5.8445369649805485,81.32907722238852,67.99805447470817,8.894247231367855,30.40682430410057,8.885622748486812,2.31487705477402,4109,150,814,66,65,1330,389,1028,0.151,0.7020000000000001,0.146,0.6686,8,5,1,0,0,2,103.0,0,9,6,11,52,70,7,5,53,2,95,17,7,6,18,157,180,66,3,16,25,3,16,11,8,5,7,4,3,5,43,51,1,3,30,3,2,14,18,33,1,3,40,25,121,37,118,128,24,127,1,15,4,2,59,53,3,14,66,560,164,19,0.0,0.0,0.07361867715801278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554238534627065,0.039066607661960025,0.08325005107836572,0.0,0.1569305631841446,0.040869670586509546,0.0458340030643468,0.051301870228694965,0.03955277307536068,0.028855743598776632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03104039643712142,0.0,0.03526316541872832,0.0,0.0,0.0290043987676285,0.03149467556141308,0.06898139766777024,0.0,0.032096993895364745,0.0,0.03958487712102394,0.0667206577443731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043141701311401714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152397179090197,0.0,0.030116399585107388,0.0,0.0,0.0729789569771251,0.0,0.2274176342766996,0.0,0.03914746833004135,0.0,0.0,0.03860808100766318,0.0,0.038600718766735764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0249137446979223,0.2047197293961969,0.03178077844157071,0.2523019447598504,0.03390035883248989,0.036897457797997114,0.0,0.0,0.19072396320353455,0.21557775425253736,0.07243434815807502,0.0,0.0,0.03208466481535348,0.0,0.0,0.2331394059186919,0.03487158879679366,0.17736457640441033,0.03618451982376385,0.15006026040443568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415529000452813,0.07469758192018602,0.0,0.0,0.03378976588954026,0.0,0.07742333012565075,0.0,0.0,0.04469845417593205,0.02528296193960802,0.039853315667566634,0.07567259384469144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040380105694620194,0.042581357830245734,0.0,0.0,0.11229402141800013,0.03352732355587418,0.08346331812424215,0.039279639254596016,0.08291983675498975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196591379378565,0.0,0.1332139738174714,0.20270928264927135,0.07561082154190085,0.0999225153964713,0.033381067209960945,0.0950260541862335,0.0,0.12352770794954625,0.032068247178008075,0.034043827952155166,0.035691633971440866,0.07553530132199389,0.0,0.03789487142921047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038086509064425116,0.08835455965947506,0.0,0.04009045561191797,0.055457170264020916,0.027968947454992173,0.11636814636312795,0.07286054037451617,0.04011571304589257,0.0,0.0,0.03619341606858937,0.042944539720473525,0.0,0.1606825366534114,0.051120179388463034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075170530109434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565765006629261,0.0,0.07225078374617247,0.11512458864178987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451020244466921,0.0,0.037730268817109364,0.0,0.024164437103127785,0.0,0.03724400988533808,0.040497229425226614,0.08545895258064934,0.06442545238786856,0.035880416039540945,0.029996506664756343,0.0,0.22904829447357425,0.030058005169784463,0.10301678123986656,0.03935025030553473,0.042612932604544615,0.0,0.09360727332049412,0.0,0.03774730220995458,0.038450852227562025,0.0,0.029038745972499717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090369868876612,0.03153566018319255,0.043208202699437065,0.039433197903903434,0.043180445666021264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0283607917275565,0.09095386922530142,0.0,0.03472756453314873,0.0,0.0,0.15035719566094213,0.0,0.0,0.08983654574145257,0.1979538393741077,0.0,0.0,0.03604313496569292,0.0,0.05121889113450432,0.08205719006616259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062246001762958435,0.15573788585752615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03391486504556843,0.0,0.06807297656485357,0.04211310130542325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492130764254058,0.0,0.0,0.10718099703353556,0.0,0.0458340030643468,0.09716193093265786
suicidewatch,AlpacaAmigo,2019/02/26,"Idk why I'm posting I'm ending it. I'm getting drunk so I can slit my throat without fear. Than I'm drinking aspirin mixed with Gatorade so my blood thins and the toxins will make sure I die. Again idk why I'm posting this and yes this is real. I'm scared and I'm sorry. I can't deal with my mental health anymore. I've been ""strong"" up till now. As a Native American I have watched my people suffer far to long and I have watched myself suffer from circumstance far to long as well. This world isn't built for my race to live a happy traditional life. America won and I'll admit that. Again I am so sorry for what I'm about to do. I just wish my true friends will spare me their anger and smile upon the very real moments we have shared. Geegawaabaamin (we dont have a real written language)",1.2638502673796772,3.422972454545455,2.5698395721925142,93.92534759358291,82.03030303030303,4.852049910873442,21.221033868092693,5.900188976854957,0.05479322638146122,625,19,134,4,17,201,100,165,0.142,0.675,0.182,0.7979999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,1,2,9,13,1,2,5,1,14,7,2,1,2,20,28,12,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,3,18,8,17,23,0,16,0,2,2,0,7,6,0,0,8,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586956670156614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516389765792769,0.0,0.0,0.15265181367707084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723834340775311,0.14408806437638338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302743401974016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551239032135126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363810570405522,0.0,0.076846247237743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565755436401571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563453018862409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389103345802676,0.0,0.0,0.12987943497690688,0.26033256654639736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981808976443904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482278673014516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197075727763083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817350303590222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022474429131236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725852113401433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329300968366892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386266032261063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136116929903805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224777694873854,0.0,0.2654440702886357,0.0,0.16914138353802555,0.14178543933140014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jennarator01,2019/02/26,"I don't have a reason to be suicidal. I just am. I have been suicidal for the past 6 years of my life in varying degrees. I have never self-harmed, however I've thought about it thousands of times. I have relatively caring parents who watch me a bit too close at times. I am able to socialize with people at school (I'm a highschool student). I haven't been bullied by anyone. If I don't  have a reason for wanting to die, I shouldn't be suicidal, right?

That's what I thought. 

Nothing's pushing me towards suicide, but I still want to just throw myself from a high place and hope I lose consciousness before I feel the pain of half of all my bones breaking. 

I can't picture myself past the age of 35. I don't see a purpose for living longer than that. I feel like after then you're just waiting for death. Your body starts to decay and every day becomes more miserable than the rest. It sounds fucking terrible and I don't want to exist for it.

I just don't want to exist anymore. I know I'm not going to become anything huge. I'll just blend in with the rest of society. There's nothing for me in this life that'll make me want to live.

I'm not gonna kill myself tonight, though. I still got a couple things to experience before I go out. However, I'm not gonna stay here forever either. I'll take my leave when I'm ready.

I don't think I'm ever going to change, but I'll give myself at most until 35 to become okay with living. I don't know what could fix whatever's going on in my head, if anything.

I just needed a place to rant without being told ""you have so much to live for"" every other comment. I'm sick and tired of hearing that phrase.",2.4164327242524912,3.8916480436046506,3.9857308970099647,88.36906976744189,75.8313953488372,6.542192691029903,24.495016611295682,7.1686216300943375,0.9551307308970104,1293,42,273,14,28,431,173,344,0.155,0.753,0.091,-0.9789,3,0,0,0,0,2,40.0,0,2,0,1,17,11,2,1,13,1,25,9,3,3,3,49,63,13,7,11,15,1,2,1,0,4,5,2,0,0,13,9,0,1,10,0,0,6,15,7,0,2,6,6,38,4,49,49,8,42,0,2,2,1,9,16,1,4,19,174,51,3,0.08705483158824251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633500060447853,0.06087076237215318,0.0,0.1432774176895082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884356658153727,0.14815449958055507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950413290906568,0.09669829278757902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875820270459832,0.0,0.09209246876162533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695061993070943,0.09632451534303027,0.0,0.05614316450788795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034917100321484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874607915473224,0.1466949005143865,0.0,0.0,0.08515632980580083,0.0,0.0,0.08803507711206722,0.06219198908101827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048078902046266,0.0,0.0835109269816479,0.19790106788391776,0.0,0.06962570143132979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934337252905808,0.0,0.09811712215239192,0.0,0.0,0.09197820921489656,0.0,0.08646509050514398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631327290602996,0.0,0.09568611752073566,0.0,0.0,0.092178496926569,0.0,0.0,0.12297880413601495,0.04253059340462124,0.0,0.3074840448434729,0.0,0.0,0.09739208878371967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581097760769977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399531787466083,0.06455005455491608,0.0671420528809856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706291758142056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263247863188503,0.0,0.09666408823400892,0.0,0.16620737442098973,0.060352858997756026,0.0,0.18190754066662956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901373166888002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434435051684049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810413720294595,0.06937142974878814,0.0,0.090817175299834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887414377307621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161785786691721,0.0927888674591546,0.13904420191936154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808954247464712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545439924689139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578353618672772,0.055781220961710856,0.08553093003392616,0.13822362432402804,0.10152474475103014,0.10005672262761917,0.0,0.08318462223541448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25673597591828745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391775109215606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606045733805938
suicidewatch,blueivyyy,2019/02/26,"Anyone seem to always have that inevitable day or two through the week or month that bring these thoughts on? I seem to be there. And it seems to be a very real phenomenon for me. Just for whatever reason it'll hit me that I'm miserable and I'll want to get away. The problem is is that on the days that I'm happy I feel in the back of my mind that I ought to be depressed. I should be feeling down. 

When I'm feeling like garbage, I truly feel at home if you will. I feel this is right. This is how you should feel. This is normal. This is natural. And I'll just sort of sink into this feeling as I'm doing now. A numbness sort of comes on and I feel like a radio station turned to static. I  feel completely lethargic. Almost like I'm meditating on emptiness. I could feel worse. I could feel better. I just want to sink into this misery further though. Like receding into my own mind. 

I think about falling and what that slight instantaneous moment as you hit the ground is like. There has to be a brief instant where you feel something. Probably like what it's like when you fall in a dream. You get that intense rush and then bang! You're awake. I can almost swear that I do feel something in those dreams. I bet that's what it's like. 

I kind of have a fear that once you die you immediately go into another form of existence. Like when you fall and ""die"" in your dream and wake up. Fuck that. I don't want to press my luck. I don't want a double or nothing. I want it to be over. 

Just kinda rambling which I normally do on this sub. Thanks for reading if you did",0.8197222222222216,3.0700478240740736,2.3058024691358017,94.56111111111113,84.64814814814815,5.204938271604939,19.80246913580247,6.5620332695718595,0.07217654320987643,1221,35,271,13,36,395,150,324,0.107,0.7140000000000001,0.179,0.9084,0,0,2,0,1,0,36.0,0,11,0,1,15,20,1,2,12,0,30,3,1,2,0,65,68,21,2,15,9,0,14,9,0,5,1,0,1,0,30,13,0,0,19,5,1,8,2,6,0,1,2,14,36,14,40,51,3,41,0,2,0,1,11,22,1,15,20,179,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732373122643222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197609356265773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907042591886384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060483789532674026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127091193896391,0.06651423652184997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650345807298198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451329599719805,0.09069507123471887,0.0,0.0,0.13812865705226018,0.0,0.0,0.11157249271932428,0.0,0.07450352832295469,0.0,0.17954959098425766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733812284697796,0.5685901842234352,0.12359323365121876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996914963503222,0.0903868216685616,0.0,0.049160738553761726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920823478658437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676795622506255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007789600483286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803419283648552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468350869800747,0.0,0.06904459151781253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950601033187915,0.08300042542535746,0.0,0.0,0.09212116697816396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326313862737644,0.082770156702757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652480764176812,0.09845752978158676,0.0,0.08893784509812871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738717222253983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362428750205882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331860062597457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963886649371586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542660379208852,0.08498718545822717,0.06867244861288721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408868275647074,0.08449929780968941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137271344548249,0.2551038319180178,0.0,0.06938620470187498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815231573950867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flavored_Juicebox,2019/02/26,"Life is actually boring My life is boring as shit and I might as well kill myself already. For the past five years I felt like I just want to kill myself, but I know I‘m too much of a pussy to do it. I’ve already tried about 5 times but everytime I find get caught or I just fucking become too much of a bitch. And I‘ve tried trying to find reasons to live and I haven‘t found one reason to . And I already know where and how I‘m going to kill myself, and now it‘s just a matter of when I‘m going to do it. Life in general is just really boring and fucking stale might just actually die of goddamn boredom before I actually attempt. ",3.1297674418604617,4.513407596899224,4.6254961240310095,84.87638372093025,73.8062015503876,7.020465116279071,24.527906976744184,7.554174236665415,1.1297869767441855,496,15,101,6,10,166,71,129,0.26,0.701,0.039,-0.9878,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,13,12,7,0,4,0,8,6,1,3,0,29,22,14,4,1,8,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,8,0,0,3,1,10,1,2,3,1,13,2,16,17,2,10,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,3,6,70,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.34862078224352977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942300928127284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151679604572816,0.10133007502476296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235883932259926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433746657327165,0.0,0.21767771841200226,0.0,0.0,0.13056734879290033,0.0,0.22017891896861272,0.062215469261644125,0.0,0.135354174952038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952400175659351,0.0,0.13088878832103984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523335737659951,0.05817748678223185,0.0,0.10515165391910926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526545264039504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507805378390354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069309589550637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367731501526535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628702652259015,0.2448724124049643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223603874298004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943771557136022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425467365384956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023769315142751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706908661681408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668495204763455
suicidewatch,justriddles,2019/02/26,"i want to kill myself i just keep looking at all my meds thinking how easy it would be to take them. and this dp can on my desk says ""you deserve this"" i feel like i do. i've made mistakes and i can forgive myself and know that i am doing better but everyone else reminds me how shitty i am. i do think i've a bad person, i care about people more than myself and do everything to make them happy while i rot but im never enough. i dont see a point anymore. im tired. my eyes hurt. what is so wrong with me? ",-0.40449404761904617,1.4511127767857133,2.0625,96.89916666666667,86.4107142857143,4.447619047619049,17.36904761904762,5.46131890053228,-0.6419666666666668,389,9,93,2,12,133,76,112,0.224,0.635,0.141,-0.9381,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,2,1,5,10,1,0,2,0,12,2,1,4,2,23,24,10,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,22,5,8,21,3,5,0,1,3,0,6,3,0,0,3,64,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674377628580426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880408816274765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761881112111306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817045209071073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886947015007976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887777265287194,0.0,0.0,0.1841462188082656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702943668252267,0.16017031115694633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011207427727523,0.12731854900032835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897157404572381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907854169218734,0.0,0.38501075707911975,0.0,0.0,0.1584078172369471,0.1971711523793507,0.0,0.09794362443002516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870680214672859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496577341283555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863361674586858,0.1189615010257878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795935956454372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745224869032982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235535082437324,0.15561256297432788,0.0,0.0,0.16847305170026475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417256327537981,0.0,0.0,0.14201619707303476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399730835021476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283890327115887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483468901567756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511724231079828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660053046783815,0.19485275419621395,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uhhhhhokayy,2019/02/26,"I need a painless way to die. Are there pills that will just put you to sleep without pain? What about carbon monoxide poisoning?

I want to drive out tomorrow and see one more sunset before a final rest. Looking for peaceful options.",3.2434883720930223,6.19258869767442,3.4058604651162803,85.96181395348837,80.62790697674419,5.300465116279072,27.20465116279069,6.742157984588678,1.5185013953488382,186,8,31,2,5,57,39,43,0.153,0.654,0.193,-0.1675,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,6,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,7,5,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26383819626996075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32179329523520017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33965553997319514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603722830127515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299055379500856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010465912816675,0.0,0.3299256674275173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116959075657616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470776513626828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102838901860453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828814028481369,0.24611117095908866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29888674520003444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeautifulSalt15000,2019/02/26,why does she do this to me she blocked me and hasnt texted me for over a week. i dont get it if she doesnt want to date me then tell me dont just ghost me jesus. im a mess i just want to take 75 advils at once and see what happens. my life is nothing without her i have no other friends please somebody talk to me,-1.4020270270270283,0.2292730540540581,0.7742567567567562,105.98679054054057,88.72972972972973,3.7,17.35810810810811,3.1291,-1.2816432432432427,242,6,68,0,8,80,50,74,0.097,0.775,0.128,0.4949,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,13,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,1,15,1,8,13,0,5,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,3,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957896769722805,0.0,0.5345749343757388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620046620026886,0.0,0.11915320574151606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167485196223475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463465580341127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610872375592477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883205061918534,0.0,0.0,0.24287904275133046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503440601685837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173622783659976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147456319578916,0.18330794083840185,0.19933661439918174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26903425794912506,0.0,0.1829379232911139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057908684995156,0.0,0.0,0.2198440422411153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anywhor99,2019/02/26,"I’m miserable. Everyday I wake up and I don’t want to move or even open my eyes. I’m so tired of being alive and I can’t tell anyone exactly how miserable I am because I don’t want to worry or hurt the people that I love. I want to die almost all of the time. I don’t think I’d ever be able to kill myself, but sometimes I wish I just could. My family and friends love me and support me and in all honesty, they’re the only reason I’m still here. I don’t know if I could ever leave them, or hurt them in that way. I would do anything for them. I’m just so tired of existing and hurting and it makes it so hard to go to work and school, even though I graduate in a little over a year and I’ll finally be making decent money. I‘m scared this feeling will never end. I don’t even know why I feel so sad and angry. I have so many good things and good people in my life, but I still feel so empty and alone. I take medicine for depression, but it doesn’t seem to help. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I don’t want to tell anyone I’m close to because I’m scared of voicing how bad off I am out loud. My friends keep telling me to go see someone, but I hate talking about it at all because I feel broken and it makes me feel even worse. Why can’t I just be okay? I’m terrified I’ll be sad forever, and thinking about how many years I have ahead of me makes me feel even worse. I just truly don’t want to be here.",1.2300000000000004,2.2919198598726105,3.250438216560511,94.12927515923569,78.10828025477706,6.425273885350318,21.477197452229294,6.918507183188421,0.26850333757961803,1092,28,268,11,25,371,139,314,0.257,0.59,0.153,-0.9926,0,1,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,3,2,27,21,2,4,5,1,27,7,2,8,7,68,66,33,2,10,12,0,7,0,2,2,3,2,0,0,10,18,0,1,13,0,1,3,12,13,0,0,0,11,41,8,31,56,3,28,0,8,2,2,12,12,0,6,12,166,51,3,0.08509214607738608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520749276146755,0.08812980088762537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438854396703811,0.11899681405650242,0.0,0.07002358590096275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104838767330124,0.15561414735608733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587830926369796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328974072970956,0.0,0.0883122133110257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753663847375182,0.0,0.0,0.28101279980485344,0.15394143548859304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021730231469405,0.0,0.2581508747378603,0.0,0.0,0.09321428675653548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314839619583874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671965513010876,0.14274250992037096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622584908451853,0.08401087757000346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703547185021375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273278706880402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563380918152493,0.09414185218431832,0.0,0.1402932543967847,0.0,0.0,0.09010029635998797,0.0,0.0,0.060103099248183266,0.0,0.08528468487841029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359796810806492,0.0,0.22719867303199304,0.17254016076406128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904394848189706,0.0,0.0,0.06562830881928937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647164114908075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798435997936133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748889824446936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703841653367351,0.0861177946831807,0.06780742350638527,0.07746469395134921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209829923691813,0.0,0.08415830827107612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359093955508132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656155898106523,0.0,0.0,0.06397870400195295,0.06839384378379691,0.22312285877938068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653144082485944,0.10904722267224308,0.08360260148460834,0.0,0.0496179146706359,0.1956018087111839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094776208963115,0.06754218484284895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356485319635615,0.0,0.09785176856353188,0.0,0.0,0.0619480957869056,0.08641520481264946,0.1734323329565465,0.060447019160434226,0.0,0.0,0.10959310443647996
suicidewatch,ana375,2019/02/26,Actually ready to die I feel as though I have nothing left. I won’t kill myself but I really want to. Everything now means nothing. I have lost the one thing that meant something to me. There is no point. ,0.36715447154471903,2.815110146341468,2.040853658536588,92.60160569105692,93.8780487804878,5.660162601626017,19.028455284552845,7.1686216300943375,0.5533869918699188,160,5,34,3,6,52,33,41,0.123,0.679,0.198,0.2963,0,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,7,0,4,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2465296465554604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26218921348536456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270468257162204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773690876651775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794967678290565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744823533545107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757746028248049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751872479293547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848090411552792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118807676263484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881624085620004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618407276039284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944862922665262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783560791148036,0.0,0.24820689581610994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900724124412412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heq_u,2019/02/26,"I cant take it No Matter how hard i try its never enough for anyone, i do good in school i get told its because im in lower sets and if i answer back u get screaned at for being useless and a waste, it wasn't that bad before i had a friend and we talked and she helped me but I've turned into a mess, i cut myself so much i can't even do p.e anynore without my hoodie, i can't talk to anyone I've lost motivation for everything but she's still there and i can't let her see me like this.
Ive made my notes and i know where to jump its just its in school and its directly next to where she usually hangs out, i wish that there was another way to just die peacefully or with poison or a gun but uk is always been shit. ",0.6733540372670817,2.04152388198758,2.8937577639751564,94.79852484472052,80.36645962732919,6.090683229813665,18.332298136645967,6.868970318607317,-0.14779006211180068,559,11,138,6,14,191,102,161,0.197,0.669,0.135,-0.9115,1,0,0,1,0,1,8.0,1,0,0,2,11,10,3,0,4,0,14,2,1,3,1,28,24,15,1,2,9,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,7,2,23,3,15,15,2,17,0,2,1,0,10,8,1,3,6,93,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773546272929638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357420349562835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314869375802399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728350056185772,0.13821188250213878,0.10090646179965923,0.0,0.1408551086766292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717955558087074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710382817527504,0.0,0.10933199004266947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487690324861442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788922096776373,0.0,0.17296674619208136,0.0,0.0,0.13883996284259384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828370413892206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095227058584012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880241791905424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097177959755247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926716681946447,0.0,0.08087032622093528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180697178729885,0.0,0.0,0.15662990117650225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168469374269153,0.0,0.12766809218887146,0.0,0.17604462084954575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33505341668908384,0.13190716858391205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991569893869612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219366423331594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445908217956565,0.26609588790057764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817243537477385,0.0,0.1123850180575464,0.18005073095236673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182309553561154,0.0,0.0,0.1313911943837898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903530478624997,0.15956645236491138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,modestbaseball,2019/02/26,"I dont know what to do.. (Long read, sorry)

I've (20F) been seeking help since I was 13 and on various medications, I have spoke to various counsellours and have had three suicide attempts. The last one being August 25th 2017. Since then I have been trying to get everything back together, but I cant. I had a few traumas from the age of 13 to 19 that have set me on this path and have mainly been the cause of my attempts. I have seeked help and am currently on a waiting list to be seen again, in two months time. 

I have a loving family and great friends, and I live with my partner who shows me unconditional love. And I feel selfish I dont want to be alive in spite of all of that alone. 

But I cant think of a reason to live out with that, every day I wake up and do the same routine, go to work and earn money to live, live to earn money, and the cycle just continues. It's not as if I could stop working and just go about my life idly. 

I think that I want to kill myself because my life is following a boring pattern and at the end of the day there is no escaping that pattern, you have to work to live otherwise you'll be homeless. I dont want to keep on going and I know how much I would hurt the people around me but I think it would pass and eventually nobody would care. It would be talk for a year at most and remembered as something sad that happened, but I doubt more than five people would really care. I'm nothing special and I never have been, I'm not outstanding at anything and I'm a waste of space.  

The only reason I'm posting here is as a last cry for help, I just need someone to talk to.",3.058175542406314,3.878127159763317,4.460488165680474,88.1670438856016,73.2603550295858,7.645167652859961,25.03007889546351,7.9370924344782425,1.1638753451676536,1252,37,280,17,24,417,170,338,0.162,0.713,0.125,-0.8891,1,1,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,2,0,7,10,15,2,1,17,0,39,6,1,4,2,60,67,27,2,11,10,0,1,0,2,6,3,1,0,1,12,21,0,3,9,2,2,5,9,8,0,4,9,3,33,7,45,46,9,38,0,2,1,2,13,13,0,3,18,193,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391078136387823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461686738910374,0.08071896643076842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972260747148891,0.0,0.05527394828346435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848961028947739,0.0931470396267726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239570533937464,0.0,0.09960098620022784,0.11695428710107122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188072937177163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031013355284691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639664445977297,0.0,0.0814918258074126,0.0,0.08547925291333695,0.0,0.0458474320684359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005440543361306,0.0,0.04737335356561128,0.0,0.15459614616788597,0.0,0.0,0.0999682594956314,0.0,0.0,0.08018260195218901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233034704370285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706825097665817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059510002547626,0.1003172004092596,0.0,0.09966397297158652,0.1478226088797649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280912689224095,0.0,0.0,0.4003334330060085,0.08024351977456258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367341189531526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913443825610371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237501629962095,0.0,0.06665572599479892,0.06723352414295061,0.06993327681141696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870040217630364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061442959565014464,0.0689615624789341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572368623080246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684050090126552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069840556271476,0.0,0.05808800163067875,0.18645567587924988,0.0,0.0,0.10271581654633932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001272109308222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682767404613984,0.0698051734540547,0.0,0.10150197156459824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580741369343591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918249454709777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576044074819325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743004599505869,0.0,0.0,0.05287266156776185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156160433295468,0.0,0.08857519353568842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160445389745545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803496731272704,0.0,0.0,0.3220605710724335,0.0,0.0,0.058390998085008035
suicidewatch,ampersandie,2019/02/26,"Thinking about it is so comforting But I don’t think I could ever do it because of my daughter. I want to leave this world so badly sometimes but my little girl needs her mama. I’m just so alone. My family gets so angry and frustrated with me and so does my husband. I’m a stay at home mom and I suck at it. Can’t keep the house clam and I don’t know what to do with my daughter all day long, I’m so disinterested in her. I don’t know what I even need out of life. Maybe friends or some sort of routine. Idk. I’m such a failure to my daughter. She deserves so much better than me and my husband deserves better too. Why is everything so bad? Why can’t I just get my shit together and be a good person? ",-0.5421710526315806,1.583146493421058,1.9694736842105272,95.19131578947369,90.64473684210527,4.7789473684210515,19.84210526315789,6.339386263674448,0.05167894736842138,545,18,126,6,19,186,87,152,0.226,0.66,0.113,-0.9712,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,15,10,3,0,4,0,11,2,1,0,2,27,26,17,0,4,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,6,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,21,5,14,24,3,10,0,0,0,0,12,6,2,3,3,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127624436501418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27615859530623954,0.10080966355221084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925174302028553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203664519240907,0.0,0.0,0.10665171115679803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447187650096582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922710929630867,0.14958907575580113,0.0,0.0,0.14862632030138995,0.0,0.1558986646420864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776653851278086,0.0,0.1728008214574347,0.0,0.0,0.13870677548432886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588230269732582,0.0,0.0,0.19081789350785924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699085500204134,0.0,0.0,0.18176902312129456,0.0,0.0,0.17510581235047776,0.0,0.0,0.11680762931772362,0.0,0.16574689129791156,0.0,0.14634963634647422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661391056846273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936825086266043,0.0,0.0,0.12156796320942825,0.2452435246174707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439706372849634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975270103372658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355782978748332,0.0,0.0,0.17626529565197205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192829859621015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754110366667648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984462810199063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,erielimei,2019/02/26,"I can’t do it anymore Im in a really dark place right now and i don’t know how much longer I can take it. I’ve been struggling for the majority of my life with anxiety/depression/everything else that’s wrong with me. I just want to give up. I’m at work right now and I’m having a hard time. I’ve been crying to myself all day long, I couldn’t stop the tears. I’m just glad no one saw me. I’m physically and mentally hurting so so so badly. 

Another thing that’s going on is I’m terrified that I have bed bugs or something. I’m so itchy, constantly feel like things are crawling on me, have tiny red marks. I can’t sleep at night. It’s driving me crazy. I just can’t take it anymore. 

I’m so mentally exhausted I just want to kill myself tonight after work. Just wreck my car and be done with it. 
 
Idc if anyone even replies to this I just needed to vent so badly. ",-0.3886328760753308,1.7527368235294138,2.0942385491746123,94.5291327598233,89.85561497326205,5.819018832829577,18.825621948384093,7.255503002510835,0.35039800046500824,674,20,158,12,23,230,108,187,0.252,0.705,0.042,-0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,16,9,1,1,4,0,16,3,1,1,1,24,33,13,1,5,8,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,11,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,4,4,18,2,17,27,3,22,0,1,2,0,1,9,0,2,11,92,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552258913648349,0.0,0.0,0.2936186423502771,0.10350837135229496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472033542604925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997147867146125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626077012792426,0.09546927448101042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148952935546428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366288194437668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777464201062604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330428439830198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485011768073778,0.10575506614454458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200709347358606,0.08413077324506861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260881908885352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847277984557614,0.0,0.15990143777541202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377698634957374,0.0,0.08135526646637349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045603441693966,0.07232162510211848,0.0,0.0,0.13100487044240952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983656299231467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882155684005178,0.10976486505675433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389192857987357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003112398362738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466336002157546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483396477702707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528393711974501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814027378040098,0.0,0.0,0.11396331729029277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376252234926155,0.0,0.15475661548020375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226053362849957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669358096264405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631944608224615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462782918586234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554010682114327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185124689423022,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ambr51311,2019/02/26,"It comes back I would get the thought stuck in my head, telling myself I should do it over and over. I was so sad I was so lonely. I fought. I brought myself back. I remembered those times and thought “that won’t happen again” “I’ll stop it before it gets to that point next time” “I can never go back to being so fucking sad like I was”. 

It came back, it came back before I could even notice. 
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suicidewatch,Impersonation,2019/02/26,"I Don't Know How to Live I've never had a proper social connection with anyone. I don't feel close to anyone I know and I don't really know why I should stay alive at all. Everything hurts, and is so incredibly difficult, and I honestly have no hope that it gets better. Everything in life has always just gotten worse and always will. I've been thinking about suicide for awhile, I know I'm too much of a wuss to kill myself, but I really don't feel like I can rationalize staying alive. I started seeing a therapist, and she said that I had to learn to love myself then told me I don't have to come back anymore. I got put on Zoloft, but it's really not doing much of anything, I don't even know if I really want it to do anything. This all just seems so pointless and empty and lonely and I want out. ",2.3589563729683505,3.970716431137728,4.324418306244657,85.30474550898207,76.30538922155688,7.645680068434559,21.50940975192472,8.418075326091056,1.1678403763900764,632,16,132,12,14,216,96,167,0.136,0.738,0.127,-0.1106,0,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,3,0,18,3,0,1,3,36,40,15,2,5,6,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,12,0,0,10,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,7,4,20,5,16,31,4,13,0,2,1,1,5,5,0,3,5,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281324709692435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278220882974334,0.18723702378721369,0.0,0.22035897217851827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295260748421052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841420577059655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533377689202352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843262014828326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406621398648345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539690637160534,0.0956505429301464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995163336146748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708350451893804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329822855568628,0.0,0.0,0.14333126520067765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812867349908995,0.0,0.3679102898531344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456997242189964,0.06541154914652743,0.0,0.1182267051843348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084032096297093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968480825311589,0.0,0.10326368245184483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134595727335566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430916569705705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735938498445434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669243768145213,0.12188779051808098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648328064071938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476753591986456,0.2854163592928202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645316348198462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554557972358836,0.0,0.08579085745824078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793696419471792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794275660998436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081426842719302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644463555065414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,19apricots,2019/02/26,Im in a police van about to go in ambulance to go to hospital wtf wtf wtf help what do i say ?! They're concerned for my safety ?? I font wwnt them to know anything tff What do I do to convince the people at the hospital that I'm good?? Like I actually am just home life is crap hellpppp,-0.7661290322580641,1.3403061774193574,2.087338709677418,93.90100806451612,92.06451612903228,5.680645161290323,20.65322580645161,7.1686216300943375,0.6001548387096771,221,8,52,4,8,77,44,62,0.203,0.625,0.172,-0.6544,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,10,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.33670583320763725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839356247334794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39218436688196695,0.289400229999562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312706800629095,0.0,0.3460997228566302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37269860788508813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962302639657846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437094703717051,0.16856739608186028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392048516831176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27438685832935883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cynicalandsad,2019/02/26,"I’m going to kill myself tonight I’ve decided tonight is the night I do it. I’ve given up on everything and I just want to stop feeling and surrender to whatever death has to hold for me. I’m a liar, a cheater, a thief, a bad person and I deserve this. I hurt people due to my selfishness and I see no reason to give myself a future. Even if hell is real, I feel like I deserve it. I hope I have enough pills to get the job done. I hope I get to see my mom again once I’m dead.... goodbye ",-0.706666666666667,1.164540555555554,2.2329629629629646,95.08333333333336,87.88888888888891,5.4518518518518535,20.11111111111111,6.816661863887847,0.24174444444444496,372,12,90,5,12,131,66,108,0.316,0.591,0.092,-0.9833,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,3,0,7,0,6,1,0,1,0,16,21,5,3,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,4,16,3,11,19,1,10,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,3,8,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364612034619186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056907258603696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251334930687545,0.0,0.12945164826862454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761460342864322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982000835312489,0.14001756839652632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047966965705756,0.1880145192860384,0.11138744200673648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893309058806392,0.0,0.0,0.2098147549800407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194492990910952,0.0,0.2168374170995811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575236873705248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295448460006379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839263243836991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208726342326034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358769945697619,0.17113368673059984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22308314950719652,0.0,0.20151363373514425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31236238149457585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385907616264367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156018567637656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lunaticfringe365,2019/02/26,"I wish I could push away my loved ones so I can fucking die already. I'm so sick and disgusted with this life, this existence. I've been suicidal my entire adult life and the longer I linger the worse it is. My GF is the only reason I haven't taken a buckshot shower; and even she can't change the way the world is. I have to slave away 10 hours every day just to eke out a existence, and we've already failed living on our own once.

 Oh well I guess, I can't not work, so I suppose I'll continue on hoping for a freak accident or disease to free me from this wretched bullshit. Either that or the ol' disappearing act. I've never been happy with my life, so Its just a matter of time, but the waiting is agony. ",2.8866870042709003,3.9163585838926167,4.343733984136669,88.04609517998782,73.8993288590604,7.297376449054301,24.28370957901159,7.686295010490155,1.0361087248322145,555,16,121,7,11,185,96,149,0.18,0.746,0.07400000000000001,-0.9398,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,9,9,2,0,11,0,12,6,0,1,1,22,20,11,2,3,7,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,3,5,4,1,1,3,0,16,6,13,16,2,15,0,1,0,2,5,6,1,4,5,78,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800209406353472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323547021064757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821489385469449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374757414636191,0.0,0.0,0.1110451045486536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870088421051844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372659322384153,0.0,0.14507332020878272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918229243525786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896812309036286,0.0,0.0,0.18329417397836964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710185932537437,0.16956757771040276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36485815189399023,0.0,0.0,0.15204254251596885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554037187199754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279971564005366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337144521756185,0.11667703746130108,0.13095447982499142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703489572646475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834248404867326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040247992762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667246805850888,0.0,0.0,0.1548150271283988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800429530943509,0.0,0.0,0.12535275787155276,0.0,0.1754712631925312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katelyn333,2019/02/26,"Give me one good reason that i shouldn't kill myself. Please... Someone... ANYONE say that they like me.. I'm a mistake. My dad doesn't even know I exist.. my mom always gets annoyed. My grandma calls me evil. I should just kill myself. I know how to tie a noose, I just need a rope and a place to tie it. I've took so many sleeping pills before to no avail. It's almost like I can't die. Plese- tell me...tell me that you care.",-1.2638461538461565,0.7780683296703295,0.7553846153846138,102.1146153846154,96.47252747252749,2.8000000000000003,12.494505494505495,3.1291,-1.7588857142857144,322,5,77,0,13,105,60,91,0.121,0.6559999999999999,0.223,0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,1,0,5,9,4,0,4,0,4,2,1,2,0,12,12,3,3,4,2,2,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,1,17,4,3,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,41,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194258489934249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141981267308847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564617768014134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650758984366695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809111515366554,0.0,0.19779136099905015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133672103903444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128132210849355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135465193838117,0.1860981791279185,0.0,0.1627142374918898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292545984455741,0.0,0.21322972791742734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955282322681485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966810077188206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272052075080849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384521941562864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314563844873479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026840277748138,0.21294882437550036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945970369717836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427302331765386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413562049399904,0.0,0.1643717739213303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956063452319592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553615990768832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SweetMrPickles1388,2019/02/26,"I'm the worst kind of person. If I talked to myself I would hate me. I understand why other people don't really care about me because I wouldn't either.

There is no point in living and I want to die without any attention being put on me. I just wish I was never born. This is hell and I want out of it.",-0.6059090909090905,1.4596034848484862,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,89.9090909090909,5.118181818181818,14.31060606060606,6.6274283507984215,-0.45590303030303003,234,4,53,3,8,82,49,66,0.294,0.633,0.073,-0.9586,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,15,14,3,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,12,2,9,10,2,7,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673776023868214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946568476593922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499877744212852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544687419490938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24207458429319065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25532788738884793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650745986909264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891058162326248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998402898067044,0.21409064615311232,0.0,0.0,0.23178401414702465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24648389709601426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707513593726274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970746143959769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25525167026275525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892390935282619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212460402438767,0.0,0.2819566570725623,0.2363546262849308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174176100265489,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wahhalehh,2019/02/26,"Contemplating the ”best” suicide strategy Unemployment for 8 months has broken me and im at a point where the only thing That gives me peace is the idea of suicide, im just not sure How I want to do it. The sensation of drowning I believe may be pleasant but hard to perform. Dont want to risk surviving jumping from a bridge. From what ive read normal pills is quite painful and truth be told im quite scared of pain. 

So I Guess hanging is My best bet?",1.3509677419354844,3.652033182795705,2.755279569892476,91.87291935483871,82.76344086021507,5.870537634408603,24.35376344086021,7.1686216300943375,0.965336344086022,358,14,77,5,10,116,66,93,0.25,0.563,0.18600000000000005,-0.6466,2,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,6,4,9,0,2,6,0,10,3,0,1,2,15,15,5,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,7,5,10,11,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,1,46,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926210566888567,0.31532231926628873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760729563879533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441180008906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549952617586214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458002301207048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959573308122872,0.4868350232662679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991522784717665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719727790097253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425961471461528,0.31971882292492804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201955059900262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195843898248381,0.15027450803469505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041029498067854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32866290165184725,0.0,0.14159362815026885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980869611146477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435548843092654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722363740102628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tpatterson575,2019/02/26,"My life went to shit in a matter of hours 😂 So me and my girl got into an argument over text and later that night when we got home the argument furthered and she hit me so I left and called the police bc I was like. “Okay, were gonna go in there with the police so I can grab a bag and stay at a hotel so nothing gets worse” but that’s not even close to what happened. She freaked out when the police got there and they arrested her. Her family was pissed so they kicked me out of the house we were staying in (we rented from them) and forced me to live in my car. So now I’ve been homeless for a month, can’t even afford food most days because as soon as I get paid it all goes towards bills since I’m on a single paycheck now. And I get zero social interaction because everyone hates me. Every morning I wake up the idea of killing myself gets alittle bit stronger. I hate Myself and my life. Not only did i lose the love of my life but I lost everything else I had except for my car and 7 days worth of clothes. ",1.5344063647490849,3.1895400465116315,2.9831578947368453,93.82947368421051,78.76744186046511,5.8286413708690334,21.083231334149325,6.5966054737557815,0.17616279069767415,790,21,180,7,19,258,132,215,0.168,0.7440000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9706,2,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,3,0,3,2,15,11,5,0,13,1,9,8,3,0,1,27,27,22,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,1,4,18,1,0,1,1,4,4,3,8,0,1,13,1,33,3,27,12,4,32,0,2,0,1,15,15,2,1,12,119,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331985312861008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624810941362024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678672040308945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278444534260326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119052311981119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695679976847367,0.0,0.11286590826388808,0.1280031945114236,0.12039336283518637,0.0,0.1262842574566533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198328545941634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27995138349325915,0.0,0.07613176632176526,0.0,0.32141681829437496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184591582561048,0.0,0.0,0.2645127917812393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437141023256965,0.0,0.13192224899002067,0.15457025271130803,0.0,0.15122296753857545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820535664551907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455464239811419,0.0,0.2838567880140501,0.06544541135080477,0.0,0.1182879087010566,0.0,0.0,0.149865421630164,0.14623164941364875,0.0,0.12090287749445165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692448612152956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571108283063115,0.0,0.12853690117328184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188156089211688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375065902618275,0.11081194820162107,0.0,0.0,0.13655393520844938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855641134308673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418097547088135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365152701126214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CyperiaRose,2019/02/26,"Help on either end of this I checked my wife into a behavioural health ward at a local hospital after she begged me to drive her to her old home in california so she could kill herself there. She wanted me to hold her while she shot herself because she didn't want to die alone and scared and told me that by refusing i was actively making her life worse. I got her to agree to get treatment but the treatment facility i wasn't as nice as they had said it would be. They've taken everything away from her and will only allow her an hour of visitng time a day, no personal belongings, no sensodyne toothpaste which she needs because her teeth are so sensitive that other types hurt her. They only allow the news on in the day room and aren't cooperating on allowing her to have her phone. Her dad is in hospice for als and has maintained use of one hand but can no longer talk, he texts her frequently but cant do that if they wont let her have her phone. He's not got long left..Im not managing my own depression and ptsd well without her and she whispered ""help me"" into the phone before she hung up on our last call. Im freaked out and actively feel guilty and like i want to self harm.",5.647803571428567,5.576185887499999,6.042380952380952,82.275,67.20833333333334,9.69047619047619,30.059523809523807,9.424239791934726,2.3530773809523806,943,31,197,17,14,304,150,240,0.16699999999999998,0.726,0.106,-0.9464,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,3,0,4,9,1,1,8,0,19,4,2,5,0,35,32,18,2,7,8,2,2,1,0,3,2,2,2,2,7,12,0,2,1,0,1,1,11,6,1,1,9,4,41,3,31,17,2,27,0,2,0,0,46,15,0,1,12,132,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734156862536674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336607759578274,0.0,0.0,0.17344441449478976,0.0,0.12105533886185887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526643378924442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113585433232762,0.0,0.0,0.18349573785530787,0.0,0.12253091751598535,0.0,0.1476465384803972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600279629598105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278568154819733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193244971771277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432654828368923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756144171460504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121892151251592,0.0,0.0,0.1907117865933687,0.0,0.14270139316298794,0.0,0.1401004029613698,0.0,0.15229548891947334,0.0,0.3073369151303232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739293671866844,0.0,0.0,0.11596333644720493,0.0,0.0,0.15456917089767666,0.1454735609523327,0.10048456745936983,0.0695025181303113,0.0,0.0,0.12589828243248286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496166034920694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548621540108023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492810922534025,0.0,0.09640109380216903,0.21639485143099169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242185683924279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629783953195668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532469540078548,0.0,0.14243008571895813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484113403443491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434561437705358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295470210823573,0.0,0.0,0.13593839756893186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286955928193595,0.0,0.0,0.2517312182955589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791152635444786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713645989486214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497815569082126,0.10105955683688096,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itriedandgotnowhere,2019/02/26,"I just want a hug and a ""it's going to be alright"" I'm waking every day, disappointed of waking up in the first place. I was emotionally abused as a kid, so there's no hope for me to get any better. 

I'm not regulary used to people being nice to me. I'm too used of being stabbed in the back to the point where I'm actually surprised if someone's not stabbing me in the back. 

I can't keep doing it. I just can't. I'm so hurten by everyone, even if they don't mean to hurt me in the first place.

I just can't, I barely even breathing right now from the pain inside me.

Please, just lie to me and say it's going to be alright. ",1.8525179856115093,2.459738316546762,4.262654676258993,89.25887410071945,75.90647482014387,6.99884892086331,22.533093525179854,7.1686216300943375,0.5359145323740999,482,12,116,5,10,170,75,139,0.107,0.722,0.172,0.732,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,14,10,0,0,9,2,10,5,3,2,0,16,24,7,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,2,1,1,13,7,19,19,0,18,0,2,0,1,3,10,0,3,6,77,16,0,0.0,0.20602830553550602,0.16968915952657282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824949289109915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267417576052805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378940199376445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121430806296996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560008256357997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297021658988018,0.0,0.14650775566845112,0.16615700023796398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29581731247484416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084906488321373,0.0,0.19764859717955302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270956671511295,0.0,0.0,0.1861502124578311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455923890511072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941451247754015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502860697645407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055172864129055,0.0,0.3633509471533636,0.1908763060451876,0.16437993465855874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849901261268128,0.0,0.13828235445607245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733435188575694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003660151355657,0.0,0.0,0.10256337882024463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LKT2768,2019/02/26,"my desperate need for social interactions seems to drive people away from me I've always been a loner but I've learned to deal with it.
When I talked to people they always seemed uninterested or tried to end the conversation asap.

The past years have been very hard for me and it all starts to boil up in me. I can't sleep and I'm very depressed. It's also clearly visible that I'm not doing well.

I thought that people wold see that I'm not ok and ask what's wrong.
But the reality is that I'm beeing ignored more than ever.
People try to avoid eye contact and mostly act as they didn't see me.

I asked myself if there would be someone who would be sad about my death. Now it seems like as if they can't wait for it.",2.0947784004075416,3.769531947019871,3.6313907284768234,89.71558329088131,77.21192052980133,6.2355578196637795,20.224656138563425,7.010146845296331,0.2456353540499232,568,13,125,6,13,188,95,151,0.21,0.7490000000000001,0.042,-0.9785,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,7,8,0,1,4,1,12,3,2,0,3,27,27,13,1,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,3,5,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,4,4,14,3,18,19,3,12,0,2,3,0,12,3,0,7,8,79,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931047554218258,0.2482829017508722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278952705497187,0.0,0.14017277713592322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153812575902892,0.12850066797941986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214169794489627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349546136542416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336486174890838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288870586341273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062554183429983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242265927549094,0.4137296412163838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377767782442653,0.4074621421140268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493018557984365,0.1520846062766445,0.12641168490815033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560035867045528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991657392144828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844345787606893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258601411527952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462015305769749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341434220197477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196642973883173,0.16312033796036166,0.0,0.09607611505928852
suicidewatch,thegnomiestgnome,2019/02/26,"Tired, hopeless My life is a terrible rollercoaster of shit going from bad to worse. I started losing my faith and hating myself in college because i was gay. I had always known since i was like 13 but that was the point when i couldnt deny to myself anymore. I hooked up, regretted it, had panic attacks for weeks because i just knew i was going to hell. I stopped going to classes because i just couldnt get out of bed, ended up failing algebra and US history, and had to drop out and go back home. thus i solidified myself as the screw up child. 

Things looked up for a little bit, i joined the carpenters union, was making pretty good money and my parents were kinda proud of me for once, then after i started a shutdown job at a power plant, working 3rd shift, i fell asleep coming home and wrecked. I didnt have my seatbelt on because im a fucking idiot, and so i broke my spine at T-8 and T-10. Ive lived in a wheelchair since then, going on 5 years. I have to wear diapers because all the muscles tha control my bowel and bladder atrophied, my legs are always swollen, my back is always stiff and aching from sitting, and i havent had an erection or orgasm since my accident. I live alone, i realized god was a lie, and i cry everyday watching gay weddings on youtube. Beautiful people. I'll never be beautiful. Healthy people. I'll never be healthy. Loved and accepted for who they are. My family would never accept me. Safe and warm and happy in eachothers arms, im always cold, afraid, dead inside. I want to be dead outside, i just want to be someone else. This fat wheelchair bound corpse my consciousness inhabits is worthless, painful, unbearably pathetic and hopeless. 

Give me one good reason not to pull this trigger. I'll wait.
",4.105793255942508,5.9482663432835805,4.9235157545605315,81.86237700386954,72.13432835820895,7.351022664455501,30.019347705914868,8.045849151850463,2.237757324488668,1375,59,246,20,27,445,193,335,0.299,0.598,0.102,-0.9979,4,1,0,0,0,3,47.0,1,0,1,6,7,30,7,2,12,0,28,20,10,5,4,52,47,23,2,6,6,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,3,1,6,19,1,6,7,0,1,8,8,19,0,1,13,4,43,11,34,27,2,42,2,7,2,6,8,16,4,2,17,155,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340910087827826,0.0,0.0,0.3323154870187682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990192122093378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358787372771305,0.0,0.15354897584291685,0.08336623723359682,0.30432231587118025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900466170144528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600745408309207,0.0,0.0,0.11198443284478908,0.0,0.0,0.10967482412532677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340751834865208,0.0,0.08843285703199033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412479120224927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923049084495952,0.052164786903720985,0.09578022983375474,0.2837205029832897,0.16749016177621825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628664589246828,0.0,0.0985760687759481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030494990293898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156990342700807,0.0,0.09908055740187016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705233347931602,0.04877912578022029,0.10007071947443873,0.17632957476206929,0.0,0.08384448519681496,0.11170079155921787,0.0,0.0,0.09011382993499817,0.0,0.06664717911065672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310193943074352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633145310406387,0.06765742028382757,0.0,0.1062419064679055,0.11714635968992845,0.11086583423697766,0.0,0.0,0.1384396249654753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438560841252733,0.0,0.0,0.10157805615340744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026570832246382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248925208884667,0.24777795025097635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845981747814164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134132625911144,0.0,0.0,0.08347472330755347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663324483679067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475690949750375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010100047916493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778209951112513,0.0,0.08008947577786582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268820333105795,0.0,0.10175038087926117,0.07092688102317332,0.0,0.0,0.06429677746966825
suicidewatch,Throwaway246844336,2019/02/26,"Painfully lonely Just venting, not a native speaker. 


Its so painful to see my best friend of 7 years, the only friend i ever had, drift further and further away from me. I don't know what i did. She found better, more interesting friends i guess. We used to talk everyday and now she barely texts me once a month. She only texts me when all her other friends are busy. Everytime i see her commenting on other peoples posts with affection i recoil with pain and jealousy. It's wrong, i know. But i still feel that way. 


Sometimes she invites me to hang out with her other friends - out of pity i imagine. She knows im a total shut in. If i go im always sick with anxiety. And then i see her shooting looks at me like she's disgusted and her friends always always exclude me. They don't understand why she invited someone as pathetic as me. 


Dont have any other friends tho. No relationships. I hover around some other friendship circles but as usual they are way better friends amongst themselves than with me. I rarely get invited anywhere and when i initiate a social interaction they all bail. 


Family abused me since childhood. We barely speak. When other people are spending their days partying and hanging out and traveling I'm sitting in my room. I wish i could say i spend that time studying but i don't. I can barely move out of bed. I failed college last year. Never even showed up this year in 4 months since it began. 



I scroll social media all day. Its the only thing that helps me forget the pain i'm feeling. Im broke because im too lazy to work. Or maybe its the depression. I wish i could do drugs. But i dont know any dealers because i don't have any friends. What a weird thing to say. I don't have any hobbies or interests. Im not good at anything. I have a bland personality and 0 social skills - a result of emotional neglect as a child and never learning it from other people i suppose. 



 I will kill myself in the summer. I've known that for a long time. But then, why do i still think about the future like its gonna happen? I wish i could just die without killing myself. 

21F",2.2703105590062123,4.631776652173915,3.5030779848171143,87.50391304347828,79.57971014492753,5.971842650103519,25.07453416149068,7.1686216300943375,1.2086939958592136,1650,63,319,21,42,535,213,414,0.165,0.6759999999999999,0.159,-0.7209,1,2,1,1,1,2,47.0,2,0,4,6,15,32,3,0,15,0,23,6,0,3,7,67,48,29,3,7,13,0,2,2,9,2,6,4,2,2,23,22,0,1,12,2,2,6,13,15,0,0,4,10,64,17,38,39,7,56,0,6,4,0,40,18,0,5,30,208,87,4,0.0,0.07744994414936557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317329624360655,0.0,0.0,0.17780890050620954,0.0,0.050006052603104936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053791983968201486,0.05819104312609824,0.0,0.0,0.06141503348960459,0.0,0.0,0.07969499240482726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859928737671799,0.11562470083149524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657218363274372,0.0,0.0,0.08431341809012956,0.0,0.05630103782377097,0.0,0.06784127235845787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532207344235002,0.0,0.07580568972277875,0.0,0.0,0.07352977752636916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043174698431872965,0.059128757284411415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162277730516893,0.0,0.06610366843592932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167222454606659,0.4545257697435023,0.0,0.034151885018606803,0.0,0.037149926494247525,0.054827260746666974,0.0,0.0,0.07200980624058474,0.0,0.05780437305480723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381453974272007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35304124938785386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463917945013496,0.0,0.14369734414976876,0.0532833371678051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387063741021097,0.0,0.0,0.05784828927159785,0.05489233998350048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567056321353426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435162591819158,0.06947543823812627,0.0,0.0,0.10083108114058616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961438502516605,0.0,0.14914506839095698,0.2782230381231115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595303751263024,0.05707648697370096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260411346287116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018036384977262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396591479630336,0.0,0.0,0.15626859684132696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081455463144214,0.0,0.0,0.1999021788376855,0.055385774761266125,0.0,0.06465025049861725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440533618111636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254001920931469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685468815753294,0.041884933328454034,0.0,0.0,0.07623277317655161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805000075691428,0.0,0.05645663841225922,0.0719932015614122,0.0,0.0,0.103771552898832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179682247764468,0.0,0.2255086210498097,0.06301205583114494,0.0,0.04758840799931127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146923406502036,0.0,0.12628381796692967
suicidewatch,frnkiesayxanax,2019/02/26,"no reason not to do it i can’t fucking do it anymore. i’m only in high school and i’ve tried to kill myself twice and i’ve depressed for as long as i can remember. i’m starting to fail all of my classes because i have to spend almost all of my time out of school dealing with child protective services because of my abusive mother, being abused by my abusive mother, at “”required therapy”” which doesn’t even fucking do anything, or spending time in the hospital or crying at my dad’s house the one day a week i see him. i don’t have time for any hobbies anymore because i try to focus on school but i’m still failing. my school is 10th in the state of texas and my lowest grade used to be a 96 so i always thought that at least i could do good at school and once i was older i could finally leave but now i’m failing and school used to be my happy place because i do also have many good friends and but now it isn’t because i’ve started skipping classes and getting yelled at for it because i can’t take a test or do a presentation or turn in a project because i’ve spent the past week crying or being screamed at. last week i skipped first period because i had a bruise on my face from my mother hitting me and i didn’t want anyone to know so i just planned on skipping the whole day but my teacher saw me in the hallway and forced me to go with her to the counselor because she knows about my mother and knew and someone i thought was a friend saw me and is ignoring me now and i’ve been staying at my dad’s for just this week and he hasn’t stopped being mad at me. i clearly wasn’t meant to have a good life. there is no solution, why shouldn’t i just die. i’ve finally actually started planning it and i want to do it. thinking about it is the only thing that makes me happy anymore. today was an early release and i got out at 1 so i was going to try to use it to finally at least get kind of caught up since i actually felt good for once but my dad yelled at me for being “selfish” for contacting CPS when i didn’t even want CPS to be contacted because i fucking hate them and now it’s late and i’ve done nothing but cried in my bed. there’s no way my life can be recovered, my grades are fucked, i’m terrible at everything i do. i’m never gonna get to follow my previous aspirations and i’m never going to get to do anything i’m happy with. what’s the fucking point. i can’t be happy with anything anymore. there’s nothing i can do. i want to be kidnapped or run away. i don’t even care about my best friends feeling bad anymore because apparently everyone just thinks it’s selfish so they wouldn’t feel bad.",2.9248340230694723,3.9793640324909783,4.419106278066392,87.44647574183323,73.8375451263538,6.9933257022100905,29.21616624108479,7.313800181584829,1.5746361363036017,2070,87,443,22,41,692,223,554,0.16,0.715,0.125,-0.9634,2,0,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,0,2,8,24,33,8,0,18,0,54,8,1,5,5,76,109,39,2,8,17,7,3,0,3,3,2,3,1,1,16,25,0,4,13,0,3,6,19,19,0,3,20,9,63,14,69,73,6,71,0,4,3,5,20,28,5,7,34,287,79,17,0.0,0.1977386280339196,0.1085744068346986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055705766501652286,0.0,0.0,0.044487576198202566,0.046288913275044315,0.0,0.0,0.037830550239552785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758518278904278,0.03889803891324997,0.0,0.13733713078709672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226655141059523,0.0,0.092898048417582,0.37302924049034747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058380627294004776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567188562805488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883262637092633,0.0,0.183322004084857,0.07175395584464964,0.057352455093538285,0.047914344757038714,0.0,0.05773552741095087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692916940759229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102299779226724,0.0,0.0,0.05315718986587573,0.04999697758519709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625675976095093,0.0,0.053413866489619835,0.18282100990392494,0.0,0.04731915303694058,0.0,0.0,0.1289396268953175,0.2571468420214137,0.1162582613845444,0.0,0.09484804123765968,0.1866404155264577,0.04449267822670099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368781968315042,0.0,0.054923460107135634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058776526230084336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418996262048844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154674742623395,0.05793045593029271,0.06114597842595949,0.04534616564005549,0.06275346550731561,0.058904515414035234,0.0,0.0,0.07858673232218374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923111514285392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713369511069824,0.05640045021971848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581112126418343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675765533069832,0.0,0.0,0.1184890287310739,0.037696569462071984,0.08461878622397521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310547022862985,0.0,0.0,0.0581218824910034,0.0,0.052588668453757884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057197271966875414,0.0,0.0,0.06301834971336981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378053459937909,0.0443301918470895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046018005975901374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713542075109925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181263585169881,0.05929455844623618,0.044426474765127816,0.046509469209582016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418271049963674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361816118289816,0.0,0.03695833711956948,0.07129137270637645,0.0,0.08832857858448899,0.09731552517378918,0.0,0.05273107351676766,0.0,0.0,0.11330808169217155,0.06050985349025674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414030049547388,0.0,0.0,0.13124890298754446,0.04415678781207668,0.17849326646957112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019774422282505,0.06210930664227825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IxamxUnicron,2019/02/26,"I know that with how obese I am, it would take fifteen shots of alcohol to possibly kill me. I know there's enough in the pantry, and every day I spiral thinking about it, wishing I could. My premenstrual dysphoric disorder is going to kill me.",5.744397163120568,6.4555662765957464,6.58808510638298,75.73333333333333,67.08510638297872,10.521985815602838,32.687943262411345,10.504223727775694,3.5059560283687947,193,8,36,5,3,64,38,47,0.237,0.725,0.037000000000000005,-0.9042,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,9,10,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,6,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689657728587617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094330630991267,0.0,0.0,0.16231060272871034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884432170081093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600492314944585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120484116670429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143033626134403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5568857941363867,0.0,0.2766297828719429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28372758008912513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922950079730466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126421933282042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894156986494335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878385376585493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abysmally-awkward,2019/02/26,Is nothing easy? Living isn't easy. Dying isn't easy. What am I supposed to do? I'm tired of being here.,-2.747391304347825,-1.7811657391304312,0.569217391304349,99.17469565217392,119.43478260869566,1.84,13.295652173913044,3.1291,-1.537184347826087,80,2,18,0,5,28,17,23,0.411,0.589,0.0,-0.8583,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126448668820943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361692406440045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473960890805596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5677259091870286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway19283748363,2019/02/26,". It’s hard to not want to kill yourself when your mum is the one telling you to do it, been a bad day guys, starting to lose hope. ",1.898965517241379,2.2312887241379364,2.678793103448278,101.68301724137932,75.55172413793103,5.8000000000000025,24.84482758620689,3.1291,-0.1533586206896551,99,3,27,0,2,31,25,29,0.242,0.5760000000000001,0.182,-0.0475,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,4,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28757383806707704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212049478141835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410270139984576,0.0,0.0,0.30853001312222805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420838289516858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810464197987891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853145639020098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333858966216671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378015020595856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010356695436396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314609088751412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oksidasyon,2019/02/26,im tired my n words just wanted to say ,-2.299999999999997,-1.1199790000000007,1.2900000000000027,103.625,89.0,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.146,30,0,9,0,1,11,10,10,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800266335465992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42702516821655495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6171753537728435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31672258015744204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leftyshredz2003,2019/02/26,"Anyone else depressed because of how boring real life is? I’ve noticed everyone’s hobbies center on escaping from reality, whether it be video games, reading, watching shows/anime, etc.

Recently it’s like I have no one I truly love and relate to. I’m one of those loners who watch romance anime and cry because of how pure and unrealistically innocent it is. After only 16 years of life, which I know is very little time, I think I’ve given up on finding a meaningful friendship/relationship. Everyone leaves in the end or the bridges just degrade. 

I wish I could get a hug and be genuinely loved by someone, even if only platonically. I’m not even close to my family because they’re abusers and I have no friends I’m very close to. We only talk in school.

I’ve tried suicide multiple times and each attempt was a miserable failure. I’m just done being bored and down. I just want someone to talk to :(",3.9117533718689765,6.0708935086705225,5.414358381502893,76.7864701348748,73.4508670520231,7.8503275529865135,31.18651252408477,8.648137234880735,2.7866681310211945,719,34,126,14,15,242,112,173,0.191,0.6409999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,1,1,22.0,1,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,5,0,11,5,0,2,1,29,23,12,1,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,2,10,6,18,16,2,16,0,2,2,3,8,10,0,2,7,74,16,2,0.0,0.1582788788278862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340721207092498,0.13687577889004465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24430038364597625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665843577296537,0.0,0.14673916553145602,0.0,0.0,0.11505838049937288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670599208705192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159488733298524,0.0,0.11831852706331522,0.0,0.14898493774049107,0.1764660500813266,0.0,0.0,0.255296413167243,0.0,0.0,0.12593403661224645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220961967112762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032090683767463,0.0,0.06979375040192648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341598103255899,0.0,0.0,0.14144945907130704,0.0,0.0,0.18871305024785687,0.06526391329485191,0.1338893769552039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411351613820657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208980803404865,0.0,0.0,0.18104416348304372,0.3047970462328919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336232587150416,0.15205137501048868,0.0,0.0,0.13190115322574514,0.14342256056960775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351972853194666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263758464517588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146122614247127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147445146766849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559722488919021,0.0,0.0,0.15579143407844515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069687754331464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044670918901668,0.07879313750736285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361858164352168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602571782088765
suicidewatch,DearSergio,2019/02/26,"I Urgently Need Assistance Hey Reddit, don't worry I am fine it's not me.

A few weeks ago I got a phone call at work from a woman from England (I live in the south pacific) who was trying to get information on two men she believes were scamming her.  It was a weird phone call (I get a lot of them lol).  It sounded like a pretty standard scam - these two men were playing with an old lady pretending to be people they are not.  They had correspondence via email and text (As she explained)... I am not certain on the timeline... and they essentially pulled at her heart strings (sort of catfishing?) and were trying to get this lady to send them money.

​

I told her to immediately cut contact with these folks as they were obvious scammers and to report anything she can do the England equivelant to the FBI/FCC as well as US FCC/FBI (as the scammers were American I think?).  Anyway, I got her info from the call because that's the first thing I do when I get weird phone calls.  I decided to follow up with an email to links to the PersonalFinance wiki on scams.  Sort of like ""hey these are common scams, here is more information on how to deal with them.  Please cut contact immediately""

​

That's where it gets to the suicide watch part.  She sent me a few more emails detailing her love for these scammer men and how she's not depressed and super heartbroken that these guys weren't real and they're not really in love with her.  I suggested she seek professional help for her issues, continue blocking correspondence and to be well.  Today she emailed me with basically a suicide note.  She didn't cut contact, she took XX amount of drugs and she's sad and needs help.

​

Of course I replied for her to dial 911 immediately, without delay.  However, I really don't think this enough.  I have no idea what to do.  I don't have her # or her city/location or anything.  All I have is a name that I have googled with no luck.  What can I do here?  Is there a way to pass this information to someone who can find her?  Logic is telling me its unlikely I'll be able to give anyone enough info to help.  I'm clicking through the Wiki on this subreddit right now trying to find info but I feel like I'm wasting time even typing this.

​

Anyone got some help for me?",4.377290512346946,5.83312863205418,5.1479376154319745,82.06447294616595,70.8058690744921,8.168794035159724,28.32266228880224,8.666027191798058,2.065018660647103,1796,66,351,31,33,582,207,443,0.09,0.8240000000000001,0.086,-0.3508,1,0,1,0,0,2,72.0,1,0,7,3,12,19,3,0,22,1,35,4,1,2,3,59,58,21,2,2,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,5,24,17,0,2,16,2,1,6,13,7,2,3,16,4,55,12,56,39,11,31,0,2,2,2,70,13,0,7,14,237,79,4,0.07562593177460655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703782551057272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32776266192642256,0.36757513910750417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575881977460452,0.0,0.12446739620701278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610086607527929,0.0,0.0,0.08520452768838234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088901273117703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796701493609866,0.06513650422170525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770207121425909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628360721802773,0.0,0.049950214691978176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823874341024288,0.05402718077055458,0.0,0.0,0.13824146312543562,0.06432737893395518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975571400350323,0.07254728486777325,0.0,0.0,0.18145489860149325,0.0,0.0,0.07488156234891663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961709327757347,0.20276187176917693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537247175347744,0.0,0.07893382453877236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108410307551208,0.0,0.06677908328827657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429446278585776,0.13651071212018415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215134031633743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935669374642508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189551441864706,0.0,0.052429498899670315,0.0,0.0,0.08301456304743174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693876062801916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607886698301621,0.0968958168149404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458413252244304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407760657719952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654449895520035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610039771887942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050242508668813655,0.0969160868797624,0.0,0.0,0.04409808898540627,0.0,0.0716845406142264,0.0722638186887437,0.08402319284048915,0.15403513037525673,0.0,0.14775109293223027,0.0,0.09096868434947024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002834454530975,0.06066256078370578,0.0,0.13599358994931712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290069951305192,0.0,0.055056579032413885,0.0768018046871998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36757513910750417,0.0
suicidewatch,DarrylKenobi,2019/02/26,"I know I need help for suicidal thoughts but there are no psychologists to help me. (first post on reddit so sorry if I screwed something up.)  
Background: I'm an 18 year old guy from Florida. I have a kidney disease and some doctors abused me after a surgery which left me terrified of going to hospitals - so much so that I start shivering uncontrollably when I'm there. As for the depression, I can't point to just one thing specifically that causes it.  


I've searched for just over 1 year and there's no one who will take my insurance or isn't 10 hours away. I don't know how I'm supposed to overcome my suicidal thoughts by myself.  


I wanna save killing myself as a last resort because I love my dog and I wouldn't want her to lose her owner - but it's hard not to give up after so long of searching and getting nothing in return.",4.1427045908183615,5.3108983952095805,5.029116766467067,83.79341566866269,71.03592814371258,8.201397205588822,30.084331337325352,8.59863814320734,2.2191121756487027,660,27,133,11,12,215,110,167,0.271,0.649,0.08,-0.9897,0,0,1,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,2,1,5,0,7,4,1,2,0,23,22,16,3,5,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,5,0,3,2,1,20,2,24,18,2,22,0,2,0,2,9,8,1,3,12,90,27,1,0.0,0.19010265654349426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074460215962768,0.0,0.0,0.09780658937696184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482257083814636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819218301582575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642236104262043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647556049849038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382658166265826,0.15391473318286875,0.0911853429271949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886708524318074,0.0,0.0,0.14372839066347504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150875766742517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800730884189085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751008445347638,0.0,0.17635420632733628,0.13078516784424854,0.0,0.0,0.17432539955076665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419899470271903,0.0,0.1794983950131777,0.0,0.0,0.14480907087616593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794650869814745,0.1189689156000251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395257431369813,0.0,0.16836142615836733,0.0,0.2174451618857283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151673636201666,0.0,0.15366322610756364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351941825098095,0.0,0.17960652282081735,0.11356473333089265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510044720453882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063566720968348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065934077380418,0.0,0.0,0.2547529170892464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463539840861884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664434332511203
suicidewatch,throwahoj,2019/02/26,"Envious fuck I’m just a fucking mess. I don’t do nothing every day. I return from the school, turn on my computer and spend the whole day till the midnight surfing the Internet or playing video-games. I tried some apps to remind me to do some productive activities but I just don’t manage to do them. My best friend is making thousand bucks a month doing almost nothing and I’m just sitting here being envious and I feel so bad for it because we really appreciate each other. 

I don’t even take my meds (zoloft) because I don’t want to mix them with alcohol I take sometimes with my friends. That’s the only thing I enjoy which is fucking pathetic. I don’t study at home I don’t go to the gym I planned in my mind I don’t do nothing I’m just depressed. When I go to school I stop being depressed and start being fucking anxious as hell. 

What the fuck do I do",1.5815819209039574,3.7795781468926566,3.5116666666666667,87.3999293785311,81.09039548022601,6.193220338983053,25.65254237288136,7.3871296695380915,1.383088135593221,680,28,137,10,18,229,99,177,0.189,0.647,0.16399999999999998,-0.7061,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,2,2,8,17,8,0,9,0,19,7,0,1,0,22,36,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,6,8,1,1,1,2,2,2,7,12,0,1,0,1,25,5,15,33,5,14,1,2,0,5,5,3,6,4,8,94,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398682262567094,0.1255440869018086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416370872993612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468216664067807,0.15285381919415916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315724207145276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171189149407064,0.0,0.2159691191698246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280843436617377,0.0,0.10563311688363702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339293020977914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372749286859284,0.5795318421891645,0.0,0.0,0.1425060214218442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257604807443668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368820929561191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926240146945992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126592137165199,0.0,0.10007243917968953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608995944218713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535267996817896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031788188054956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25377063798282656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399822626715208,0.0,0.0887404587255856,0.0,0.0,0.10481839153997756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853149446778608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329300498805531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851208085385396,0.13637105782883668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394891371769645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997574542445218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dootdootboot3,2019/02/26,"No hope I don't think there's any hope to live even a decent life.
I'm a sophomore in highschool. Mental illness runs in my family. 
I've already been hospitalized, but I haven't been feeling any better. I'm failing school and can never truly pick myself back up. I'm a burden to everyone around me. The best thing I can do is make sure my inevitable suicide goes as smoothly and harmlessly as possible. 
I don't have much tying me back to this world. Most of my hobbies and interests have lost their luster. Everyone in my life have others to depend on, and I'll be sure to let them to know it was never their fault.
It just feels inevitable to die before I even graduate high school, you know?",3.524872465663833,5.123354057553957,4.6187573577501615,84.45513407455856,73.1726618705036,7.356703727926749,25.586003924133426,8.00094639256281,1.5138431654676254,550,18,107,8,11,180,88,139,0.19,0.638,0.171,-0.6158,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,3,4,7,12,0,0,4,0,15,3,0,3,4,22,27,7,2,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,3,16,8,16,21,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,4,4,73,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664345111724166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538415515519776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443104587034987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322349618101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849851174692206,0.0,0.1584758315472944,0.1335562023483736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567246900276395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994815543263763,0.0,0.0,0.28859333162996553,0.0,0.0,0.1423589260054732,0.0,0.15271053423895986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955051018663033,0.0,0.2999742965466346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659824538716794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441810544375406,0.2133258639141352,0.0,0.0,0.13334472547297466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484541286297247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080044500816668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521827091122698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110098326941992,0.0,0.23293666801253596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024124982257252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056606594164101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518058968746008,0.0,0.2846505507776941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032443087898232,0.09676120397691672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
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suicidewatch,TofipokTheFirst,2019/02/26,"Feeling incredibly suicidal again. It was fine for a while. Not good... It hasn't been good for a long time now, but i dont even want it to be good. I just want it to be over. I have dreamt about becoming a pilot - just for my dreams to be crushed by my single mother, saying it is too expensive and she wouldn't let me do it anyway. I knew i had to work with airplanes, and being a floght attendant was my other choice.. but my mother doesn't want me to become one, saying ""I am better than some monkey serving food on a plane"". I wanted to leave home, but I have not finished high school just yet. I have no monetary funds to do so either way. 
I wanted to go learn in denmark for uni, but she insisted on applying to this piece of shit countires universities too.

I am devestated. Today, i would have had an interview had i not forgotten to launch skype. She blamed me again. She said to go look up where my father lives and go to him, she wont help me. 

I see my crush with some other guy, just to add on top of this all.

My classmates are bullies, even when we play things online.

I just want to die.
I just want this to end.
",1.8806223175965648,3.4881467081545097,3.488263948497856,90.80338304721032,77.62660944206009,6.720085836909871,20.662875536480687,7.554174236665415,0.5157555364806861,865,21,194,12,20,287,130,233,0.17,0.759,0.071,-0.9683,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,0,0,3,19,7,1,0,6,0,27,2,1,1,1,37,42,10,2,9,14,3,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,12,7,1,0,3,2,2,4,9,1,0,1,8,6,34,6,32,26,6,25,0,0,2,0,16,9,1,2,11,148,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29058914456967355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635163714950815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653558536277974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418403824806426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652061556392668,0.0,0.0,0.17378455675506918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651926438553518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907946743004847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430093586432964,0.33103176928921463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026229418813126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818000640619246,0.13899738643234774,0.13196258068847025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930006104076445,0.0,0.1345261325044329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616740249593703,0.11642396675875916,0.11047489988070036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891465516723842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251410069667108,0.2092391038818783,0.0,0.13314289231783713,0.10483404178513954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504155743559038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390220519542338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874007464543964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671205114264673,0.0,0.1247008265495478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431708438831926,0.10442396808379056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957751957884484,0.0,0.0,0.09345444797582317,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aipfwl,2019/02/26,"A waste I never had friends, I've always been alone. It's been 6 years since I could have considered myself happy. I've dropped out of highschool, I have no job. Everytime I see others happy, spending time with good friends and fulfilling their lives, my stomach turns. I'm not a bad person, I always try to be nice to others, yet I'm always left behind. Am I a bad person? No one ever tells me why I'm like this. Despite my efforts I can never piece my life back together, I've tried but I always fail and fall down an even deeper hole.

I've dreamt so much. I dreamt of a future, surrounded by good friends, a loving partner, traveling the world, being happy. My biggest ambition was to become a pianist, because through music I can express my feeling like no words can.

I gave it my all, but I can't take it anymore. Here I am, alone in my room, with a pack of pills, crying. I want to be humble, but I don't understand what I did wrong to deserve this.",3.4888291605301944,4.522637603092786,4.8379970544919,85.05762886597941,72.45360824742268,7.192341678939616,27.259204712812963,7.447530270364453,1.4666050073637704,741,26,149,8,14,247,118,194,0.158,0.669,0.173,0.4615,1,2,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,2,6,16,0,0,9,0,18,4,1,0,4,18,29,6,0,2,4,0,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,3,8,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,8,4,0,1,6,2,26,12,16,19,3,19,0,1,1,1,11,8,0,0,10,98,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567554859200592,0.0,0.0,0.4125547153180392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292789382317512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531207014236047,0.2069908602670704,0.07556049073455942,0.13689615510865272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896624345458928,0.0,0.13615635627004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186967091376071,0.11212242531474688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267427194171965,0.08855192189582146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872969319399137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079314949479244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958502566189462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300405111776395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467510544495825,0.0,0.08755154497878635,0.1211141769542932,0.0,0.10945261409680848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187226267595446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911195874882355,0.0,0.19120011790897373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399364114730833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646164884388916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987743521261818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253505651604457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931970971743318,0.0,0.108340231205902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227788820176477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683116613978671,0.1348250780498866,0.0,0.12903926072444494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311058682412368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184814360623756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552295408836568,0.0,0.0798215543995041
suicidewatch,confidentialmonkey,2019/02/26,"SD ARNG Well I guess SFC Mausbavh can throw a party with all his living sack of shit friends when he reads my obit tomorrow

Bet SFC Hangmen gets a good laugh out it. I know 1SG Price will...",1.318846153846156,3.477883897435902,1.827884615384616,99.3233653846154,81.8205128205128,4.925641025641027,20.006410256410245,5.985473137389443,-0.2691589743589744,148,4,34,1,4,45,36,39,0.077,0.617,0.306,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,2,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977854706284627,0.0,0.2013734368233656,0.0,0.0,0.323283880879543,0.0,0.0,0.4245991739475216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118245306083644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34034541873023194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855384571258536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956426193914955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34655159248085504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadpunk5555,2019/02/26,"My (28) mother (53) killed herself and I have no close family and nothing to live for I am an only child. My father died when I was 2 years old. 
My mother raised me very lovingly. I was so lucky to have a mom like that. We were very poor, but she worked so hard and creatively and made my childhood wonderful and beautiful. 
I didn't even notice how poor we were until my teenage years. 
She did an amazing job as a mom and I often can't even comprehend how great she was.

As great as she was as bad were her own parents. Her father didn't show her any love, probably never hugged her and her mother was a very nice person, but weak and not the most intelligent.

In hindsight, I think her depression started slowly  but surely in my teens.

Last September, she complained about not being able to sleep. She thought she had something with her stomach. Before she underwent research, she made her testament, said goodbye and acted like she was surely going to die. They were just going to do some tests.
Tests showed nothing and. she was very happy.
But she still couldn't sleep. She then thought she had aids. It was real for her. It turned out to be nothing again, but she still complained about not sleeping at all. 
A week or so after, my aunt called and told me to come home. My mother cut herself. Mother said it was nothing and she was just tired, but to me, it was very serious. I lied to her and told her we would just quickly get to a hospital and see if the had anything for her. I knew she wouldn't go if I told her how serious it was and that she needed help. They checked her, again, nothing showed up, but the clinic (one for psychological problems) said she probably has heavy depression. I left, knowing she was in good hands. The morning after, I went to visit her and she was already standing at the hospitals entrance with her bags in her hands. Death written in her face. I knew she pretended to be good just to get our of the hospital again. She hid the cutting of her wrists. It hurt me so fucking much, but I told the staff about it and now they had a reason to keep her.
She was kept against her will.

As with the other illnesses, she thought she had, she imagined a brain tumour, blindness, and all other sorts of things. It was real for her every time. Also all the time, by now a few weeks, she said she could not sleep one bit and she felt like a zombie and that she can't bear it anymore and she just wants it to end.

I made very sure to be always as positive and loving as I could towards her. I went to my limits and beyond. I lost job opportunities, money,my mental health and gave everything to help my mom.

She was so hopeless the entire time. Every doctor said that her form of depression could be cured. But she just never accepted having a depression and always looked for some deadly illness that she never had.

She went from closed station to an open one and stayed there for about 2 months.
I was coming home, I don't live there anymore, 3 or 4 times a month for 2 to 4 days every month and visited her all the time and when I wasn't there in person I called her.

She then was allowed to go home and kind of happy about it I guess. 
She was making appointments for this coming week and for the upcoming months. She was going to visit me in a few weeks.
I was slowing the visits down to twice a month and the  once a month.


Yesterday morning, the police came to my place. Asked me several times if I was the son of (name of my mother) and then told me she killed herself.
I'm shaking when I think back to it. I was falling on my couch and I have problems writing this.
When one police officer left the room to call a colleague, I heard him say that she threw herself in front of a train. 
This is so hard for me to write. It hurts so much. 
I was completely numb and somehow managed to write to my best friends that my mom killed herself and to my cousin in the US.

My cousin somehow managed to have someone pick me up in the city where I live and drove me to an uncle I haven't seen in months. I'm staying there right now.
I think, if my cousin didn't do that I might have thrown myself of a bridge or something like that.

On Friday, my mom and I had a phone call for the last time. I told her that I did not want to come this week, because I needed to get my applications for jobs done,because I needed the money a lot and also wanted to support her. She said it was okay. The time in the clinic was 2 months ago, I think, and I told how I was glad that she was home now, that everything was surely but slowly becoming better. During the call I mentioned how hard the time in the clinic was for me aswell and that I was glad that this part was over. But also that I would do it again if we needed it. 

On Sunday morning, the day she killed herself, she called me at 0730 AM, she know I sleep at that time, and killed herself later at around 2pm. 


I feel so shitty and guilty for not calling her back that day. She must have felt so lonely. I'm crying while writing this. I wish I would have been able too take the suffering from her. 
I went to a good University and afterwards worked very hard on becoming self employed in a creative field, but barely managed to do so and was depended on my grandmother's financial support. I think that gave her a lot of stress.
I regret so much. 

I feel so bad for her she must have suffered so much. 

I don't have anywhere to go anymore. I only have distant relatives, no job and I'm too messed up to pursue that self employed career. I don't have anywhere to go on Christmas. I feel useless and like shit and alone and I don't want to live anymore. I can't see myself getting over this. I feel like if I would have been a better, more successful son she might have had less fears and not killed herself.

TLDR: I tried my best to help but it wasn't enough and my mother still killed herself.",2.8350810014727514,4.4526143879966185,3.699443316398117,90.26159554165108,75.02704987320372,6.46753056618243,23.523010692717275,7.105664193308735,0.7401606591663685,4563,134,963,47,97,1457,383,1183,0.168,0.701,0.131,-0.9928,10,4,2,0,0,2,133.0,6,0,3,10,64,76,11,3,56,1,104,28,12,13,13,193,197,109,11,29,35,21,12,6,1,10,11,8,6,5,46,67,0,3,22,4,4,26,27,38,0,5,92,25,199,38,125,86,24,141,1,13,5,5,171,44,2,24,74,703,245,18,0.0695822114290903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030840216040745782,0.0,0.0,0.036033093071771036,0.038392850291649086,0.08346730401072441,0.05789797402374225,0.0,0.0,0.023659144923741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801371287938508,0.0,0.0,0.02863011560874673,0.03097146022869515,0.03252498738905209,0.0,0.0,0.05350442553538492,0.05809824009237732,0.042416670248436726,0.07684808572672151,0.029604668477061183,0.0,0.07302223801353286,0.061539811470596416,0.037982876622904164,0.0,0.0,0.0388383800869119,0.2486792616935434,0.03979175648112293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987782783219693,0.03647781241321448,0.0,0.0,0.08333360080508019,0.0,0.038216395962960614,0.06731215496855326,0.0,0.11986211348812455,0.0,0.07221534984897725,0.0,0.0,0.035610170924213966,0.0,0.035603380359882135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0308145931158142,0.03594851245190586,0.0,0.04595839440344879,0.0,0.08793902127776902,0.0,0.06253600494557288,0.0,0.03279795813855773,0.03914966643200845,0.0703657136201439,0.024854772874062674,0.06680983491982154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026879521971988386,0.03216381661668835,0.07270766714366493,0.0,0.1384081099724528,0.0875433864615903,0.0,0.07671463374735753,0.038326325328512025,0.0,0.0,0.07407155794223064,0.12466398820256025,0.0,0.0,0.03698131846911279,0.0,0.0,0.06995923438627791,0.0,0.13959326290023166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744891964683683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380992162640292,0.030923933313834712,0.2694384261939184,0.03622958280210805,0.03824056366939107,0.05671878932875495,0.0,0.0,0.07560127631250949,0.0,0.0,0.10198306131298228,0.0,0.12288473499419213,0.0,0.02921576643633868,0.0,0.03797860170850947,0.05915630787358464,0.09420099372850094,0.09876055632253916,0.02322333322182225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035061251604866964,0.07381573034057219,0.0,0.2037346126309065,0.22215942923872087,0.0,0.10230186326448301,0.10318865620334168,0.08049913659207307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669150212720803,0.03960990444990569,0.03650741295349842,0.03705139212713349,0.09430141453227496,0.05292040728635605,0.0,0.0,0.038631405646228745,0.03767537712035059,0.0,0.0,0.060756503108870964,0.03634930056231584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502139266449412,0.06658077905472183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919979009104823,0.0,0.03577105112502669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029711414184849544,0.19856585170545307,0.02766728367694,0.0,0.0,0.05544801366970182,0.0,0.07258942183697563,0.03930404656291126,0.035712570054357316,0.0,0.0,0.17408115717505349,0.0,0.02947839097052872,0.05356778583738959,0.0,0.0,0.024625323693593437,0.07416537917558537,0.08335266589541734,0.0,0.03985309404913535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896106894322029,0.13116082160054054,0.0,0.026158581690808785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02311366471054288,0.11146367869301528,0.0,0.08286075519938729,0.20286973524812088,0.039987258040466635,0.0,0.23271074715230106,0.0,0.02362087703201804,0.03784273249992366,0.0,0.0,0.04184941645873656,0.0,0.0,0.20094414083693224,0.0820827822276223,0.0,0.13953663218531026,0.0,0.0,0.12900681421822466,0.0,0.0,0.04000805457830358,0.0,0.037729470058216086,0.050656678640516144,0.0,0.0,0.09885841317609907,0.0,0.0,0.0448086628179197
suicidewatch,HolaHeyThrowaway,2019/02/26,"My younger brother uses threats of suicide as leverage to get what he wants. What can I do? My brother who is 16 threatens to commit suicide if he’s ever put into situations he wouldn’t like. He recently came to live with me out of state. There was no bad problems at home that caused him to leave our mom- I just wanted to help give him some guidance and have him stay with us for a school year. Our dad often isn’t in the picture.

Now we’re getting close to the time where he would be returning back home and he keeps saying that if he has to move back he’s going to kill him self and he doesn’t care what anyone says. (He has a girlfriend here now he’s been with for a few months who’s he’s unhealthily obsessed with)

When my mom tells him she wants him to come back home he tells her “no I swear I’ll kill myself if you make me” and anytime it’s brought up that’s his go to.

Along with other situations like if his girlfriend were to leave him or if we were to have to move to a new state because of my job etc.. 

It’s always “I’ll kill myself or I’ll run away”

It’s very frustrating because the people that would care about him killing himself are people that love him like myself and our mom and he’s just using that love as leverage to get his way through these threats.


I’m sorry if this is the wrong sub, please advise if there’s somewhere better I should take this. ",3.1501219311253905,4.144473875432528,3.7411566979733095,92.75178777393313,73.22145328719724,6.335211731751523,24.488548360520678,6.18269132825596,0.4581358049101994,1086,31,244,6,21,342,149,289,0.183,0.716,0.1,-0.9771,1,0,0,0,0,5,16.0,5,1,0,1,15,19,7,1,8,0,20,2,0,4,2,46,42,18,6,15,11,6,0,3,2,4,0,2,3,1,18,18,0,1,0,0,0,9,5,11,0,0,6,2,34,8,36,31,3,34,0,0,0,2,55,8,0,11,16,150,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468644282116872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276138179973849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433126913548954,0.2070567382956789,0.0749447793266568,0.1094321613352189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938429086895922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266006005538526,0.18302998782056584,0.09220692735807702,0.0,0.07731918676674092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010469590764902,0.0,0.0811918981537763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068567466348048,0.08610474008360754,0.10202389452674747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060163375856765615,0.0,0.2701059343685301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907167645384367,0.0797816716799884,0.39721888523631016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900830419689641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155472546166105,0.0,0.07925859141439599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202149270176286,0.0,0.059914640470055874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31537297296195066,0.07164455142341075,0.1907986220135245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668952803373607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244547851431801,0.0,0.0,0.09852811703954756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588696982419798,0.0,0.09023230193533788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862590429463851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275946854426902,0.0,0.09084061341837668,0.0,0.0,0.09363791729958977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178511691330725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047753483373684,0.0,0.09567084936057024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636293555954384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748738444396378,0.0,0.15690614956523302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052339029602456164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796868464388737,0.15504542448015207,0.0,0.07406034167577091,0.15882605025864546,0.07124629149311107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752403426137998,0.09813706629118264,0.0,0.05780167078162781
suicidewatch,XDwhy,2019/02/26,Should I do it ? I have been thinking about killing myself and I want to ask redditors you have always play video games with me helped me in my most darkest times and I think this is goodbye because I can’t take the pain anymore but I’m worried that my parents will catch depression as well with my death my parents always said that if I would die before them they would probably commit suicide if sadness I really don’t think that the pain I get in school by people that it’s worth it to be in there 6 hours a day just so I can cry and then at 5 go do the thing that makes me happy so I’m asking you if I should do it and if yes how should I do it this is asking the people that I most trust ,4.047733333333333,3.82661684,4.91266666666667,89.52633333333334,70.6,7.7333333333333325,26.0,6.937597516519254,0.8914000000000004,546,14,126,4,9,178,89,150,0.249,0.617,0.134,-0.9767,2,0,0,0,0,3,1.0,0,2,2,0,7,9,1,0,5,1,19,2,0,2,1,26,33,14,4,10,6,2,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,14,6,0,0,3,3,1,2,2,5,1,0,2,1,24,4,11,24,2,10,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,6,4,91,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445617849721941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574292339910394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41215789185315005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895842796181502,0.0,0.12505049940592305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142654677473114,0.09477580201501673,0.0,0.1265747762312666,0.0,0.15251928205825513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677952967113827,0.0,0.08351966171096117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643960545661556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850290115379044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472410322425108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258733835848688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980956574301528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127475101173656,0.0,0.3263591060009233,0.0,0.0,0.20376445344857266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584456624821176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414510709196144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979078412339585,0.0,0.0,0.14872941946614188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074828378762548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049418461554064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763241623171763,0.282494405170922,0.0,0.0,0.0856924364033387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866796812650099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213296002294114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492430605325669,0.0,0.20878960268930305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fragmentedraccoon,2019/02/26,"later This pain will not decrease, I've run out of ways to help myself. I want to feel joy, I want for a minute to not feel this way. I hate myself so fucking much. I think I'm going to hang myself today. I feel so much relief just thinking about not being here. My heart aches so much and my sleep has been tainted by dreams of people I won't see again, I waited for it to get better I waited for it to go away. I reached out, I got the help available but I didn't get much out of it. 13 years of pain, far too long to endure. Something like a shitty movie dragging on. I've lurked this subreddit for sometime. I wish you all the best, reading this board has given me a sense of connectivity in regards to my mental health that I hadn't experienced elsewhere.

Adios !",1.5547169811320742,3.4851195660377385,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,79.75471698113208,4.994716981132076,20.033962264150947,5.6839178017228535,-0.1670196226415097,597,15,129,3,15,195,98,159,0.094,0.732,0.174,0.8454,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,2,8,9,2,0,5,0,8,6,2,0,1,20,28,5,0,3,5,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,5,2,0,4,6,4,0,0,5,5,21,5,25,20,6,18,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,6,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438624746232825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127637029768455,0.1359163686676142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331137855010694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207353102211195,0.160581611420474,0.0,0.17467835398685086,0.0,0.12291093778572737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172595261199162,0.0,0.16335332834953425,0.0,0.1821100625214025,0.20601525777271454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507967621843215,0.0,0.0,0.1360008606273097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487203763540855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518862645356939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327050057205977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065414975356506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372034089118095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246206947544724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378973819570044,0.0,0.0,0.11830941230720485,0.15199221650794795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969422795976796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456694888846796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128742067797046,0.2439660823263569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672298194598418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896407852944253
suicidewatch,Ryansee,2019/02/26,"Suicide Note Suicide note:

I am tired of life. I am tired of living. I just want to die and rest for once. I just want to die. I do not want to try and fail. I do not want to try and succeed. I just want to die. This life is not worth living. I just want to die. I just want to die. If you know anything about me. I cheated, I stole, I sinned, I had sex, I did drugs. There is only one sin left and it is death. I want death. I dream about death. I envy the dead. I envy the dead for the happiness. I envy the dead for the relief. Just please let me die. I don't like people, people don't like me, good bye.

Ahmed",-2.785022378516622,-1.2194432426470565,-0.09567774936061292,106.28031969309464,106.42647058823529,2.659335038363172,10.324808184143222,4.3202899421422565,-2.081192071611253,453,6,121,1,23,152,58,136,0.468,0.4,0.131,-0.997,0,0,1,0,0,7,27.0,0,1,0,2,9,10,1,0,5,0,12,6,0,0,0,23,21,5,14,9,10,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,24,6,14,18,1,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,74,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640241946201302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6538130374165633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176154359553976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806531441166082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176975159636056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770282711707112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140780092732384,0.10736509835015663,0.14832297219263466,0.10259107766104024,0.0,0.18542604863255874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181687031826316,0.07114772505310414,0.0798538729452316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558143559388556,0.0,0.0,0.11525362169463944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969625493547796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413539567610145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257021894508454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954329264722481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllustriousTrash6,2019/02/26,"I wish I could make it look like an accident. Sorry for the broken english, I'm brazilian.

​

I'm deep in credit card debt, can't get a job, don't have a family, I have been digging this hole for a long time. I live in a small town, I dont want to be news. I just want to die peacefully, that' all.  I wish I got a job so I wouldnt have to do it, but its been months now... I just needded to get this off my chest. Thank you",-1.2885379568884725,0.4838521237113405,1.3521836925960642,101.07423617619496,89.61855670103094,4.764386129334583,16.034676663542644,6.11248444174946,-0.7653422680412372,324,7,86,3,11,111,62,97,0.134,0.721,0.145,0.4639,3,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,0,12,1,1,1,1,13,25,2,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,12,3,9,19,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,5,52,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083829569172832,0.2336946921479972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355505212509946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960193193072698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22540227754854775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130593624568445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009626881044224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381905958197342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817037571938024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939597841957019,0.0,0.16982560190410506,0.17020067425163707,0.1615037089960918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837775311317431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351116959694527,0.0,0.0,0.14260579762194628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152909549169796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706608543945554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121456620247157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268753380707272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423261815289791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336946921479972,0.0
suicidewatch,Loena200,2019/02/26,"Worried about a friend but I don't want to deal with it First post, but I really need some advise. I'll try to keep it short.

An old High-School friend I have not spoken with for 2.5 years contacted my friend and I last November because he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years. We knew he did not have many friends and dropped everything to come over and support him. Since then we have met up several times and he is really in an 'I am the victim' place, does not want to leave the house, dropped out of uni and feels like all of his friends are abandoning him. My other friend stopped meeting up with him after 3 times as she was just done with him because he would not take any advise and he is very exhausting to be around. Today I tried to explain why his friends do not want to meet up with him as he just complaints about his ex and how hard his life is. He did not seem to understand and started to say he understood why people who commit suicide.  Now I have had 2 other friends where I immediately started to worry and they tried to guilt me into staying close to them, picking up the phone in the middle of the night, because I was keeping them from committing suicide and I learned my lesson. I cannot go through it again as it sucks the life out of me. He is going to a therapist, but I do not see any improvement at all. After I got mad at him for suggesting that his friends should keep meeting up with him as he has thought about suicide before he left the group-chat we had with him and the other friend. 

I do not want to ring alarm bells because it does not seem that serious yet, but I cannot just not do anything either. At the same time, I hate being around him as he is just complaining all the time. His parents are not very helpful as he does not have a good relationship with them and he does not have many other friends.

Should I just leave it? Or maybe just suck it up and try to help? Thanks, any help is appreciated :)",6.22909958907421,5.440209449238581,6.102777374909357,84.72567681895094,66.18274111675126,9.433695914914187,31.706067198452978,8.563005593585519,2.1185386995407303,1529,51,332,19,21,480,179,394,0.22,0.6679999999999999,0.112,-0.9944,1,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,3,0,4,2,16,27,5,2,15,0,35,3,0,2,5,89,65,26,3,8,25,2,2,1,12,3,3,2,0,0,14,32,0,5,10,0,0,3,16,12,0,1,12,5,46,15,62,48,6,51,0,2,1,0,70,24,2,4,21,222,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264698786854774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753941047714261,0.12448986148214837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049391164545427,0.0,0.0594980193171464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602311534208205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208596327707108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447549913924379,0.07155393798952152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284090688520715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035354395130957686,0.04995191071739598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059475164970005226,0.0,0.0,0.5942326801060543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794759632220218,0.05864680996530415,0.055922585415351535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263590136109458,0.06903297377375442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060065837767274,0.07387586990766905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806799862476755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864482403943472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699532872226268,0.0,0.14807347751947295,0.07596987958044406,0.0,0.09877520135803584,0.03416009739997089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417787879077898,0.07024551270022672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051845882557796034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561656111734962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337081861968255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763951557737575,0.0,0.0,0.04847474198434395,0.0,0.07305305204471987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696543827472798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958696569758799,0.0,0.0,0.07506948926394656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055604357803872836,0.0,0.07076425855525482,0.0557183572410808,0.12730775681945264,0.0,0.07899135649683374,0.0,0.05783976088648049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989815498827602,0.07452698155143314,0.0,0.05845747813254003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294482118687467,0.07934605329099463,0.0,0.0,0.052572242109545614,0.0,0.0,0.0643742934982183,0.0,0.08118421355641943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550983529626388,0.16308708116099507,0.0,0.06627737597092884,0.0,0.0,0.18988834805265967,0.0,0.0,0.0727907141115411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538506775372726,0.1649659737405375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618649858098452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201728966619584,0.0,0.049670204729462576,0.0,0.0,0.09005426586627123
suicidewatch,mxzq,2019/02/26,"Why do I exist I don’t know what I’m doing in life I’m a failiure academically and socially, and I’ve never actually made an inpact on someone’s life. I’m always the disposable person anyway. I might end up killing myself or I might talk myself out of it we’ll have to see. There’s no reason for me to be alive and I’m going to die from rabies or cjd first anyway. I have no future and I’ve never had one. I don’t feel good anytime now . I’ve never felt this way and I’m scared and exhausted and tired and sad and I don’t m is what to do anymore and killing myself is just going to be the easiet option for everyone. Everyone always tells me it’s going to be better in the future but it never is.",-0.029411764705884025,2.0100093267973875,3.421960784313729,86.5588235294118,86.45098039215686,5.952941176470588,17.49673202614379,7.285733465282438,0.3694732026143792,549,13,117,9,17,201,82,153,0.133,0.8270000000000001,0.04,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,0,0,2,5,7,2,1,5,0,18,4,0,2,4,27,31,13,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,5,0,2,3,3,13,2,15,22,0,18,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,5,9,82,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.1401691534822631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903525622774316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244947158055002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270354002114893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907270026104666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721989474056222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745029338761082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262726662051143,0.0,0.1379142040621661,0.0,0.0,0.12217769947909905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24489693358351824,0.1204760394857654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178264837110704,0.0,0.0789392296460825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291035550041514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591295886606766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047526673102784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431273475074769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733226060776068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254184324495984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768292872735286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143805860232588,0.0,0.11446022402633198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642000143090986,0.12170330409026765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545011263815633,0.12554521358996742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508979170200708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140124961039467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961020040652715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JimHalpert64,2019/02/26,"What's the point? It just stinks right now. I'm a high school senior who has  everything I want in terms of colleges, grades, friends, etc. but I just feel like breaking down. I used to love to run, but now it's a chore, I don't think I'll be as fast as I was anyways. My family's great, but I only get to see them for 3-4 hours a day, half of which I'm a moody fuck. I just don't want to do anything anymore",-0.5633333333333326,0.9354141720430108,1.6356989247311835,101.74021505376345,84.6989247311828,4.993548387096775,17.860215053763444,5.82211442006289,-0.7084494623655915,310,7,84,2,9,104,63,93,0.102,0.6890000000000001,0.208,0.8705,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,11,17,5,0,2,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,3,9,4,11,15,2,14,0,0,1,2,4,5,1,0,8,47,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320127884468946,0.0,0.0,0.19251863651396567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508766092373445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609130023631969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025668512274864,0.0,0.22054462746731676,0.0,0.1182907487050424,0.16713194770044826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074704939764336,0.21628044415714226,0.12222777174477475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25792764673988045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471780928578925,0.0,0.0,0.2303908962535682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429479933999567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114650878707486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792741031441092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211557505704133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997896559670694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676708638492686,0.1864256528855492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499039384685839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020552923966364,0.0,0.0,0.27597627497715793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TomatoGoose,2019/02/26,"I have the value of sand in the Sahara so basically, my Gf left me, without a reason, everything was fine and suddenly, she was gone.

its not loosing her that I'm sad about, its not because of loosing her that I'm thinking of ending it. She left me, right out of the blue on the 9th of Feb, she hasn't been speaking to me more than she needs to just to get her stuff and things, she has removed me from social media. there is a reddit post on r/BreakUps called ""The day I became ""no one"" if you want to know the whole story.

The thing is, I can't let it go because apparently something in me makes the people I care about the most just disappear, I feel lost, like I have no value. I feel like some toy you picked up as a kid, played with for maybe a week, and then thrown away and forgot all about. She doesn't care about my well being, she has totally forgotten about me, deleted all of the memories we shared together by removing all the pictures from social media. I am left with nothing other than a feeling of being just a waste of time.

I've been suicidal once before, right before i was about to do something stupid, I wrote in another forum similar to reddit, and I got some things to think about and people pointed out that I wasn't taking care of myself. 

But this time I am, I'm constantly with my friends, we hang out and have lots of fun. I've been having ladies over for some bedtime stuff and I work, more than ever. everything that I do, I do for my well being but in the end, when I'm off to bed, the feeling of reject, the feeling of being treated like a grain of sand in the dessert, the feeling of being someone that people forget about is haunting me, and I again feel like a waste of everyone's time.

​

People have told me to rebuild my life again, to rise up stronger and to learn from my mistakes. The problem is however, how can I grow stronger, when i don't know my weakness? How can I learn from my mistakes, when I don't know what mistakes I've done? How can i rebuild my life, when i have no materials to build with, and the delivery isn't coming.

The last time I was suicidal it was because I lost the love of my life. This time I lost the love to live.

This is a cry for help, I don't think I can commit suicide, but please, help me get these thoughts out of my head, and tell me how to get my life back on track, or how to get her to say what went wrong

​",6.24430303030303,4.893902400000002,6.578060606060608,83.16709090909092,66.41414141414141,9.536161616161618,31.71919191919193,8.238735603445708,2.074630707070708,1868,59,407,20,25,606,204,495,0.14800000000000002,0.73,0.122,-0.9329,2,0,2,0,0,2,68.0,2,2,0,4,28,29,1,0,30,0,45,9,1,8,6,78,87,29,3,7,11,0,9,4,2,0,5,2,1,1,22,23,1,1,17,2,0,10,14,12,2,1,20,12,66,17,76,61,12,55,0,5,1,2,31,23,0,7,25,295,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884345067863004,0.17813775106763174,0.0,0.07686260825005184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886880861347143,0.05636403130968552,0.0,0.1340510344338357,0.0,0.12474769660692007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484863195579196,0.0,0.22420610998078594,0.0,0.0,0.06314241834820243,0.0,0.07921246248415208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051783070449353,0.047273153852302116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501248822895536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984605843689126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630505330037477,0.0,0.0700423547469949,0.131756627810304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594427163874358,0.1047326595847517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663225809298969,0.0,0.15318722465787302,0.0,0.04165871175776404,0.0,0.05862559627139061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752280893367938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982643818810088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085312418892087,0.0597501904858159,0.0,0.0,0.2389256213383144,0.07495535437193204,0.20709897560823,0.14324488497002258,0.0,0.06472622574103136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24005047145651265,0.062317985022510035,0.13231423274585688,0.0,0.04892906213764968,0.0,0.07364082037433542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054351846514108015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033439489086311,0.0,0.0,0.07806329308367423,0.04967073123446199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327104920680905,0.0,0.0,0.08046261019196177,0.06929324482359046,0.0,0.07020220398024049,0.0,0.0,0.07013926563479732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753657524743616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519750002828225,0.0,0.05829198716990872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944250740734102,0.062107795196238186,0.11286155595231492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782447455536725,0.2405385611967253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511331455984413,0.0,0.06406840366248702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460940071843244,0.14090518037445499,0.0,0.05819289592925015,0.21371234238839748,0.0,0.0,0.0700423547469949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323489562937252,0.0,0.05879773141486786,0.0,0.13181300744117966,0.06795086614797803,0.0,0.08183807496041103,0.0,0.07065965720121331,0.0,0.053364083295323786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014326009296079,0.17813775106763174,0.0
suicidewatch,NeedsMoreSubreddits,2019/02/26,"i'm a waste of life 19 years old and suicidal

zero idea what i want to do/be in the future

no passion for anything

always in a shit mood

literally impossible to make friends because i'm the most boring person ever

always procrastinating and wasting time

i wish i had a brain aneurysm or someone shot me",7.802500000000002,6.7292235833333365,8.73,68.09500000000003,63.16666666666666,10.666666666666668,38.33333333333333,9.725611199111238,3.738833333333334,245,11,44,4,3,84,48,60,0.265,0.59,0.145,-0.8516,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,5,0,1,4,2,1,1,9,6,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,6,5,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,5,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41662711167683897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060189941733502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261272186578034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794764823926648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645840892679545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934219252274938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28261779866418074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683156174441947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711241467186674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26270311302037097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185983778590747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25698351562702865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121230853759358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27384529103376376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459827105667118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766454722521768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878933244871871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121897253499626
suicidewatch,BarelyHiddenRant,2019/02/26,"My political science degree will kill me. I can't find a decent job with it. I can't live a decent life. I'll kill myself tonight, I have to stop putting it off.",-0.2335714285714268,1.8172604285714336,2.31964285714286,94.01660714285715,87.57142857142857,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.08628571428571474,125,4,29,1,4,43,26,35,0.326,0.674,0.0,-0.9118,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,17,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29339620225566554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31855167397398804,0.0,0.7102972901362055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226737989184598,0.0,0.0,0.28345662703406643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32270247931083873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26837770740715194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TechnicalCriticism,2019/02/26,"Time's almost up The love of my life left me in may of 2018. I then realized that there is no such thing as love. With that in mind, I made a vow on July 1st, 2018, that if I wasn't happy by July 1st, 2019, I would give myself permission to die.

I just sorta gave myself up to chance, I guess. But things kept getting worse. I got accused of rape, my dog died, and I've cut out all of the bad influences in my life.

I do not talk to more then two people a day at the most. There have been weeks at a time where all I have done is lay in bed. I have the discipline to continue running and working and studying, but this whole life has been stripped of everything.

My friends don't care about me. I have to chase after everyone. I am sick, sick **SICK** of it. But I can't handle being alone, and so that is where I stand.

I gave my best friend a last chance to not be such a toxic dick. That only lasted for two weeks. I blocked him last night. And that girl who dumped me back in may (who I tried to bring back into my life because I'm a pathetic loser who can only have friends through chasing) somehow made *me* the bad guy in it. She claimed I can't change him which is true but she intentionally dodged the point.

So the love of my life is a write off. My best friend of 13 years is write off. I am too dumb to get my computer science degree so that's a write off too.

All of these little chapters of my life are coming to a close. I had originally just placed my trust in whatever God manages our fate to put me in the place where I belong. But it's clear now that there is no God, and that I am meant to die. I have faith that this is the end of me.

So I have no one left to turn to. I don't expect anyone to change my mind but I have an obligation to at least try. Four months remaining.",0.33378004807692463,2.217767622395833,2.0473958333333364,97.92084134615385,83.71354166666666,5.3967948717948735,17.91907051282051,6.551861593081955,-0.3374470352564103,1373,31,336,14,39,449,187,384,0.16399999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.15,-0.4479,0,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,0,0,4,21,21,4,0,19,0,37,14,1,5,5,51,56,20,3,3,11,0,0,0,4,3,9,0,1,2,22,11,0,3,2,0,0,4,10,7,0,4,12,0,51,14,52,39,9,54,1,1,0,5,24,29,2,8,20,234,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119542754426736,0.09432310012732413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367964237997087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005745432336325,0.1520825899275285,0.05551663060040412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114883792942236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285394804096413,0.0,0.19268414746557408,0.07845044231382353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058733889614921764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835549946115144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319824983848687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066273816839556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702317482206345,0.0818496186865674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814479275801849,0.0,0.09516269605770744,0.08736453689372592,0.0,0.0,0.07283857791191442,0.0,0.10032604789916684,0.09017557346791663,0.0,0.09694781075906836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270744427771408,0.0,0.0,0.19789993440682,0.0,0.3859609751469375,0.0,0.0912780443175052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465880391075211,0.1723490093599346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391346589747745,0.0,0.07269278148900221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546487906022217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171272715444745,0.13852868154580533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313784036560875,0.0,0.1903016601804592,0.0,0.08609245334559619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155248902419502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320020368067648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210083467694259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620960189289536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366378567327035,0.09906015671683227,0.1779281724063557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610488977817548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167860760972684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630148239022991,0.0,0.09281012292104662,0.0646949179873671,0.0,0.0,0.0586473659245375
suicidewatch,L3L5T3R,2019/02/26,"Happy About Suicidal Thoughts? I sometimes feel happy About thinking about ending it all. It's not like ""well geez golly I'm so happy about these thoughts"" it more like I get a slight brief moment where I'm relieved and honestly kinda happy about it. I guess it's something about knowing there is like a ""way out"" or something to that effect.",2.03557264957265,4.88832913846154,2.475897435897437,90.1752136752137,88.38461538461539,4.11965811965812,22.606837606837612,5.82211442006289,0.5085555555555561,274,10,48,2,9,84,42,65,0.162,0.5770000000000001,0.261,0.8676,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,13,10,3,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,3,10,8,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,5,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651449046023105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935095923329997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232479099085222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946683267067571,0.0,0.0,0.7524533655434824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711636163962736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589978523647005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720832520458962,0.1747728086323526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932943815415104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322999339885485,0.0,0.28057937420406465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026585834077726,0.0,0.0,0.15888542127533226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bloxxerman1,2019/02/26,"Just want one reason not to My boyfriend of three years broke up with me, I lost the job I loved because i couldn’t stay sober, and my family have disowned me for being gay. I am completely fucking alone and I want nothing more right now than to swallow a bunch of pills and not wake up.

I just want one fucking reason not to do it. so I guess this is one last desperate cry for help to internet strangers, the last people who could possibly care even the tiniest bit. someone please just give me one fucking reason not to",5.940801282051282,5.842030451923076,5.693076923076927,85.11858974358975,66.59615384615384,8.856410256410255,31.756410256410252,8.344100000000001,2.151498717948718,413,15,85,5,6,128,68,104,0.117,0.741,0.14300000000000002,0.2332,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,4,0,7,8,1,3,0,20,18,4,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,5,1,0,12,2,13,14,3,9,0,2,0,5,4,4,3,1,4,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454049980076618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558238173837751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327299515137605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314020755970402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719958208146733,0.0,0.0,0.11209253333594367,0.0,0.15421532000558785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272837379458908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235019897663106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893737083646789,0.0,0.13467793462921346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465891998039852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410259171379637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393185718593091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288783655879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325574451131008,0.0,0.12671032966029352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347110462439286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805362188828377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733095646959047,0.0,0.0,0.1541095564879118,0.0,0.15827222022721338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330427260745975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989501183669893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895468900772138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964045398189618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24842261173287344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904086073708433
suicidewatch,legfeg,2019/02/26,"I can't kill myself until at least Thursday because I have to discuss campus sexual assault with administrators on Wednesday. I'm not a survivor, just an ally. Law school is kicking my ass. I got suicidal years ago because I felt panicked, like I needed to escape. I got past that. Now I'm just tired of screwing up. Feel deeply depressed and out of options.

But as long as I have meetings scheduled to help my friends I have to stick around feeling like a disaster.",3.7663202247191023,6.050055337078657,4.658862359550561,81.47570926966293,74.28089887640449,6.247752808988763,32.473314606741575,7.1686216300943375,2.272178651685394,371,19,64,4,8,120,66,89,0.274,0.56,0.166,-0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,0,14,13,5,2,1,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,11,3,15,10,1,14,0,1,0,2,4,5,2,1,11,42,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075243525161305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840749694967506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854225151201043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20163856391257368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367460581187729,0.16724820088194844,0.22478227317097368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087277293421644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37447823977341577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569189701238925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590079824203924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287486004056939,0.0,0.0,0.20717994595473094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735895675740071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234844451510488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369317761850847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560782966357001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26907495793089137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507591374541086
suicidewatch,lovingMercy,2019/02/26,Easiest suicide method? Looking for an easy way out. Nothing bloody or painful. Any suggestions?,4.937000000000001,6.88447986666667,3.1791666666666667,78.94875000000002,117.0,6.833333333333335,43.75,7.1686216300943375,5.34,78,6,10,2,4,22,15,15,0.177,0.394,0.429,0.6566,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026986014061244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37379083934743307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271070966899776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736417821552616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868918290220664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533175655300914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ndpugs,2019/02/26,"Alone for 5 days with my thoughts. I've been depressed. I moved to a town where I know 3 people in the entirety of the town. Now all 3 of those people went on vacation. I'm now all alone, still depressed going to the job I hate doing. I'm not gonna off my self, but if I did now would be a good time.",0.09828431372548962,1.3898165735294121,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,81.79411764705881,5.7098039215686285,18.686274509803926,6.42735559955562,-0.3425666666666665,229,5,60,2,6,78,47,68,0.154,0.784,0.062,-0.4215,1,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,13,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,0,6,1,9,6,2,15,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,1,6,36,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872265523704296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516951335661933,0.0,0.4051831201274509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367891349144284,0.19728837545510008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322275202473225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334160048769656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292687943845696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499978324170485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261389017528553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24538202750002006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784413887819676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673556556373694,0.13715658754074533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180479802227978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709099788028134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alskah,2019/02/26,"my friends told me they don’t want to live with me anymore because of my mental health (background: i got to uni and i live in a flat with my 4 friends. i have dealt with depression for many years but never got help until recently because of a suicide attempt.)

my mental health has been very poor as of late and it lead me to a suicide attempt a few weeks ago. my friends try to be caring and helpful but they’ve agreed at this point it’s affecting them too much mentally to deal with anymore. we have signed a contract and paid deposit on a house to move into in the summer but now they are saying that they don’t want to live with me anymore. this is a major stressor because now i am anxious about where am i going to live and am i going to have to live on my own. 

a week or so ago they told me that as long as i was making progress and i was trying to get better that they wouldn’t have a problem with living with me. yesterday they told me something different. i understand why they don’t want to live with me, but it still hurts a lot. i feel like i have no one. 

i ended up going to a&e last night/this morning because i did not feel safe with myself, nor did anyone else feel comfortable leaving me alone. it ended up being kind of pointless because i still ended up having to sleep in the flat, just later on and after talking to a nurse that said he couldn’t section me. 

i just feel so shit and anxious and upset. i feel like i’m losing all the people closest to me, and it’s because they want to be away from me. they don’t want to have me as a friend anymore. my depression isn’t just something that affects me anymore it’s something that affects everyone and i hate it. i can’t help but think that if i didn’t have depression, or if i had gotten help for it years ago, none of this would have ever happened and i could still have my friends. 

every time i think about the future now i feel so anxious that i nearly throw up. i don’t know what is going to happen or where i need to go from here. i am trying multiple different things but it all takes time, but i just want everything to be fixed right now and that isn’t reasonable. 

i’ve started to think that this will never be fixed, and that after this i will never be happy again. i don’t know how to find happiness outside of my friendship group and i’ve had that taken away from me. it’s hard to find life worth living if you can’t see it ever getting better. 

i don’t think my life is ever going to be the same now. maybe that’s a good thing and this will actually help me get better but i can’t see it. all i want to do is die and end the suffering now instead of just continuing to suffer for the rest of my life. 

i think i want to kill myself so much because it would be a quick solution to ending my pain. likelihood is, even though i can’t see it, my life will probably work out fine in the end, but that could take years. i don’t want to wait years for me to stop feeling so shitty. and what if it never stops feeling so shitty? if i killed myself i would experience temporary physical pain that would end constant mental suffering. it seems worth it to me and if it wasn’t for the nurse i spoke to in the hospital and a nurse i’ve started talking to through the university i probably would have done it by now. ",3.638343531604285,4.36663034452555,4.736378319614847,87.06381270383598,71.83211678832117,7.523217890976862,26.69125640627427,7.616502295504843,1.3127269762385458,2586,83,553,29,47,850,242,685,0.19,0.688,0.122,-0.9971,2,1,3,0,0,3,49.0,1,1,10,9,36,34,4,1,26,0,68,10,2,7,10,119,128,52,5,26,24,0,9,2,5,10,8,3,0,0,44,32,0,4,20,0,5,9,26,16,0,1,20,15,87,18,88,87,13,87,0,8,3,0,33,24,1,11,56,405,131,2,0.0,0.0,0.04536971603382816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363768687156595,0.0,0.0,0.048151935472130016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050374318596519856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756898055806093,0.23053902781813684,0.032508452612663954,0.047636790277926784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736197285153766,0.0,0.0,0.1983886500215271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335581454235504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047401933443298704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024159076051077,0.0,0.07424053514055322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047931454148274204,0.12013108497383335,0.0,0.04825160109207267,0.0971489831110224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475776994848609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388382976672649,0.0,0.2882482520859509,0.0,0.0,0.03070768359116053,0.1261646683665881,0.03917171426846629,0.0444253241566008,0.04178422414121145,0.04547832825282119,0.0,0.0,0.18806297283104795,0.06642812579106132,0.0,0.0,0.08498612338330362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959893214535946,0.0,0.07287082369651507,0.0,0.15853565578742634,0.03899548199127209,0.07436817701627249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222586201746508,0.09898370010174444,0.041647911710435206,0.045901458019472666,0.0,0.09883814620366622,0.0,0.0,0.15581382985625286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053645798512120216,0.04977090052429675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287354211514184,0.048414509678493006,0.051101834376492926,0.037897377812885456,0.05244526759497157,0.04922856528267859,0.0,0.0,0.13135536572305653,0.04542751647595968,0.0,0.32842797137422136,0.04114416609174893,0.0,0.05201292015560998,0.0,0.03952603671609116,0.0,0.0,0.0310339287420489,0.047135830353547264,0.04670770033510655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741295636063915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941388943665743,0.068354286277594,0.03447340410842853,0.1434307151307847,0.0,0.0,0.04362981428818695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03150434253898416,0.0,0.09894203471898197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032231862725361486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043950190913345635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025298831312618,0.044486791216360254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780176217766726,0.04590547447170373,0.0,0.0,0.03970411576283496,0.04422476332726129,0.03697249235994192,0.0,0.0,0.11114487886024424,0.042324785792604916,0.0,0.0,0.04772361244082387,0.0,0.0,0.04652581242754192,0.0,0.0,0.10737598470477706,0.0,0.0,0.0658148882813043,0.0,0.11138627987422116,0.07773918264680585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170992101304586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991275132053809,0.0747373968714084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177475186211132,0.1489517387036934,0.045678386101452265,0.0,0.05421999372331701,0.0,0.0,0.1332759724698024,0.0,0.09469552983215056,0.0,0.0,0.04840005761520051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03836096400054933,0.24680092982805896,0.0,0.07458653516757517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195201184742686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033846901739355346,0.0,0.0,0.16513375366677632,0.0,0.0,0.1197579034529912
suicidewatch,BatFish123,2019/02/26,"Im going to the hospital tomorrow to hopefully get treatment for my suicidal thoughts I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I'm just really scared and would love to chat with someone about it or just know what to expect.",5.243333333333332,5.8300502127659595,6.0859574468085125,79.33333333333334,68.14893617021275,10.521985815602838,30.56028368794326,10.504223727775694,3.1604241134751785,188,7,37,5,3,62,37,47,0.212,0.667,0.121,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,10,3,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,8,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611631750312729,0.0,0.15894321651334575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27777595639991903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020921817882178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369961826927214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524135871676643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29219619611699865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678470753447111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791641133793757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799990058394239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696394637557236,0.0,0.0,0.31306827969832074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059141853642365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202717431600785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986699320025264,0.3057758390396408,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moshirulezzII,2019/02/26,"I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m 22F I have been depressed since I was 11 years old. I have self harmed in the past for probably a good 6 years. I’ve always thought about killing myself but have always had reasons not to do it. While I still have reasons not to do it, it’s like I don’t care about them anymore. The urge to self harm comes so much more frequently, I have to fight the thoughts away 24/7. I started seeing a new therapist, I got put on some new meds, but I feel the same as I always do. I was actually told by my psychiatrist that I have anti depressant resistant depression. How nice. Anyway, I have no money, I can’t afford to pay my bills or keep myself fed. I have a horrible time convincing myself getting out of bed is worth it, I’ve had like 7 jobs in the past year because I can’t hold one down. I live far away from my family, I can’t afford to move. I can’t afford an education and was never able to go to college and because of that I’ll always have a job that I hate. Pretty much the only reason I stay alive is for my dog, she wouldn’t understand why I never came home. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",2.909527959331882,3.591969979423869,4.649726458484629,87.18572984749458,73.48559670781894,7.857564754296781,24.993706124425078,8.124751697461798,1.2465402565964658,887,26,200,13,17,302,133,243,0.163,0.7170000000000001,0.12,-0.8909999999999999,5,0,0,0,1,1,25.0,0,0,1,0,7,14,3,0,11,0,30,1,0,4,2,28,49,9,1,1,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,9,5,1,2,9,0,4,5,13,8,0,1,12,2,33,6,26,36,5,29,0,3,1,0,6,8,0,2,17,131,42,4,0.10077561195811356,0.0,0.09834246021432676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354135284604231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998269835431684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936400952987234,0.0,0.0,0.1228637553685064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526045315072912,0.10274745273375772,0.0,0.0,0.0868092664194085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603936607347174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500227815432506,0.0,0.050955177374362434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052651097888119065,0.0,0.05727310265068486,0.08452580204394093,0.08059946291025633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949505316925164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010861555351446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000084898728169,0.08957399426804423,0.11149328348255456,0.0,0.11076728164448546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846774725990697,0.0,0.08898671165381376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193898664998664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710852702574424,0.14816334035947895,0.0,0.15544872912301835,0.1946594280034636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574705246744308,0.0,0.06828816275615457,0.07664439401714006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924034492243936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252502684787956,0.10865315431112578,0.0,0.0,0.10130732442869726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108423397422332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030511526815239,0.0,0.21026188323323625,0.0,0.0,0.08336262759819099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132949683318095,0.10741339372551847,0.08047953388691434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700825276298292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000915829930365,0.05876306974877976,0.0,0.0,0.0962954158699514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049109660912366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093431514846602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468857012840404
suicidewatch,ErisIvyBlack,2019/02/26,"I always find a way to ruin it. I lied about losing my job to my mother-in-law whom I am living with. I had no reason to, it was a matter of turning in my 2 weeks and accepting another position but upon approaching the office I was asked to leave that day. I am currently waiting for orientation to start at my next position but when she asked why I was home I impulsively stated that my schedule was changing after training, so it might be a few days before I would be back in. Which is bullshit, she knew at the time it was bullshit. In my state of panic I chose to lie, because she had seen me lose 2 jobs in the time I have known her. She has been witnessing the chaos I seem to bring with me into every life I contact. I lied a lot when I was a kid, but I worked to stop. I had been fine for so long, and I dont know why it happened now. No matter what I do, or where I'm at I feel like I am ignorant to basic functions of being a decent human being. I have so little faith in myself, I am addicted to a non addictive substance, I fail to control my impulse spending on a regular basis, and while I have made many concious efforts I find that my memory lapses consistently. I am so numb now to this existence I'm losing track of time, and yet again in my short life I feel myself losing control. ",4.04202205882353,4.161644158088237,5.963970588235295,80.80161764705879,70.65441176470588,8.75294117647059,28.132352941176467,8.671277953709913,1.9873691176470585,1009,33,210,16,17,353,146,272,0.21600000000000005,0.74,0.044,-0.9941,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,9,13,13,0,1,12,0,29,5,0,4,0,32,45,15,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,5,0,1,2,12,7,0,5,10,0,1,2,3,9,0,0,14,3,46,4,34,25,2,41,1,6,1,0,11,15,0,4,22,158,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742314913335875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442569046944503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189952368691795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121797484977163,0.0,0.0,0.0872602609942443,0.0,0.06917726298991014,0.0,0.09656438965961699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004836928193925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455828106142303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637234588520648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329994610813167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956130497180604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475930213434887,0.08107119911077351,0.0,0.0,0.207440051888012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035130680399096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383118715718722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22522573663238726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062366459091337215,0.0,0.0,0.12016051244687642,0.0,0.0,0.16031066482738784,0.055441323828920135,0.11373826560920225,0.10020623472267892,0.10042754757111506,0.0,0.5078270393515313,0.0,0.09647790463783228,0.0,0.10737892967927967,0.0,0.11505241920759655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038592752928898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068885200480955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331460775293777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166778720068293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330928640394776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032278268830692,0.0,0.0,0.09487560698146401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985159081901757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343527405952005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007632461131963,0.09102800615769996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047987875664516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261587625774328,0.0,0.0,0.08061399453320181,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SummerElf72,2019/02/26,"My life is falling apart and I'm going to kill myself today My car is  going to be repo-ed soon
I have bills I can't pay and I'm drowning in
My job is do in g lay offs because they are closing the store. I'm 26 and today is the day I'm going to kill myself. I can't take life anymore so I'm leaving.
 
I hate even looking at my own useless, ugly face, I'm a failure and that's all I see when I see my own face ",-1.4868367346938776,-0.04039009183673237,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,87.67346938775509,3.92,18.983673469387764,3.1291,-0.7147053061224486,313,9,80,0,10,116,57,98,0.249,0.737,0.013,-0.9752,1,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,3,0,10,4,2,0,1,6,24,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,4,0,0,0,3,14,0,7,23,3,16,0,1,3,0,1,6,0,0,5,46,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091172007310768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853875403581208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359877375325442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927153450531554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595110648736323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208181332708648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092467547302902,0.0,0.4665723491594548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22327108484299185,0.0,0.0,0.29787436254265554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706992057287554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360574297378669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854103955764842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997426651003067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,link4eva20,2019/02/26,"It’s like I shouldn’t exist I feel as though I’m invisible or people make an effort to stay away from me. In class, my professor will recognize everyone else but will look right through me. The two friends that I do have in this class see this too. When we are asked to partner up, I’m almost always the last pick. When I’m walking on the street on the right hand side, someone will always walk in my pathway and expect me to move over. 

At this point I don’t want to exist anymore. The idea’s played through my mind several times a day to the point where it’s all I can think about during class. It takes every bit of effort to get out of bed in the morning so that I can pretend to be a productive member of society. Sleeping is one of the only things that make me feel some sort of relief from all this. It’s like death with benefits with the benefits being that nobody will be hurt. Though at this point I wish that I could sleep and never wake up. Maybe then would people be able to see me.",2.9100728155339795,4.250297228155343,3.8089199029126233,90.68629247572815,74.29126213592231,6.897572815533981,22.583737864077676,7.413659706084162,0.6678941747572815,783,20,171,9,16,251,119,206,0.055,0.7979999999999999,0.147,0.9591,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,12,0,18,4,4,3,3,28,34,11,1,6,2,0,3,2,2,6,0,0,1,1,15,6,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,6,17,7,34,23,4,32,0,1,3,0,4,21,0,4,9,114,32,4,0.13292636685049325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331065552268595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121077145768173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182723753541126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426820926468302,0.0,0.1248886973244598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512116497356314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061308876132057,0.0,0.0,0.08572650989461031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104292276474033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119961971387326,0.12701683995995233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442313014009194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269858129058128,0.0,0.0694485403459152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230042496196418,0.1500576883212247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835273042900026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988221694602406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162466979344914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745876412571793,0.0,0.1335424020193706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421773747133753,0.0,0.0,0.1412796913816584,0.0,0.0,0.10252100876568117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900743463393076,0.10109649188129644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430881156733667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769751468174934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270367819859843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185020869022156,0.0,0.0,0.1501689585550074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660447293658205,0.0,0.11262807927005825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416818206467383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994408498110316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831037161570968,0.08517384854634802,0.2611989610531637,0.0,0.07751043347604833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984974545639666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784034151718302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285876176182536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442707716680844,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingboB_mgee,2019/02/26,"How do people keep goin i have clinical depression and ptsd for 7 years now, i havnt had proper sleep for ages because of sleep halusination that scare the absolute shit out of me and insomnia from all my over whelming thoughts

i dont see how the people could live till their like 80 or something coz im only in my late teens and i attempted suicide 4 times alr

i realy want to find a way to get out of my situation and i just want to feel happy for once

after so long i havnt felt joy or anything at all i cant even be angry or sad i just feel empty and its the worst thing, the feeling of nothin",3.2511904761904766,4.15859284920635,4.5731746031746034,87.2107142857143,72.8888888888889,7.822222222222222,25.11111111111111,8.167268648758528,1.3088158730158734,473,14,103,7,9,157,88,126,0.174,0.7040000000000001,0.122,-0.8806,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,1,1,5,0,7,5,3,3,2,27,17,12,1,3,5,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,5,14,3,18,12,3,14,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,3,9,65,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253569524019372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055861887925437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382927554321162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918407868539432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299886986113774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440246675806832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627380041609607,0.0,0.1663071571088949,0.0,0.158309273416739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049420221733888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438348543717772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870947164161524,0.0,0.0,0.15395551993866946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538653786242755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462083973404272,0.0,0.15294612652081838,0.15328391930398474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446121589689213,0.0,0.13173273814253322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401616906753748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247126587222306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341175228115352,0.0,0.1380246116729648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779585912523566,0.0,0.19469341727309075,0.34666683299851125,0.0,0.0,0.13334423271552345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946179745401276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507191637254365,0.0,0.0,0.1375080644902452,0.10099916867939862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432551848461972,0.1374847081986526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154048406259967
suicidewatch,The_Sleep_Walker,2019/02/26,"Been thinking every day about it... it’s not feeling like such a scary idea. I’m caring less and less every day.

I know I should ask for help.

But I’m not going to.

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suicidewatch,John7003,2019/02/26,"What does a good life mean? Im 17yrs old boy and im still a student, so for 3years til now i kept thinking i wanna suicide, everytime i felt so much pressured im planning in my mind how i should kill myself like should i stab myself with the kitchen knifes or hang myself or go to the highways and run to those fullspeed vehicles, from home to school i felt so pressured, in home they are always disappointed at me my brother calls me stupid my sister told me im useless and i should not stay at the house my mom also called me useless for not doing anything at home, at school i always felt alienated my face is really ugly if there is a rank then im the lasts among the boys because of my unibrow and im also fat making fun of my chest,everytime they see my grades i wanna cry but i endure it even though they are disappointed at my grades, i felt so much alienated, i dont even know what a real friend mean and im thinking whats the point of this life why am i born this way why do i look like this why am i so unlucky why am i born in this family what does happiness mean i cant endure anything anymore i felt intense hopelessness i felt the only choice in my life right now is To Endure or End This Useless Life yet i keep being strong even when my inside is breakingdown so much i keep the smile that says i must still live..... the question that has repeated on my mind thousand times, What does a good life mean?",1.3846666666666678,3.5337538677966123,2.844999999999999,92.17959039548029,81.5084745762712,5.696045197740114,21.35875706214689,6.88968998030894,0.4563536723163839,1121,34,240,13,30,365,142,295,0.124,0.772,0.104,-0.4827,0,0,0,0,0,4,16.0,0,0,3,3,20,18,2,2,14,0,19,8,2,2,1,41,40,23,2,7,7,3,6,2,1,4,6,1,4,2,14,6,2,3,14,0,0,3,4,10,0,1,8,9,44,8,25,27,3,33,0,6,2,0,14,13,0,5,17,153,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825435209296094,0.11263765626052785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712471987436293,0.0,0.0,0.11139695904781677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041259771207196067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822664372762652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434811570828002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769317712068244,0.0,0.07932559193178672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994827290094469,0.0,0.0,0.1341146884253318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380681184704545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38992572783819146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229278584232644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846659423042897,0.11354089716621835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205128351086539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367886218774328,0.0,0.0,0.07809868965881211,0.0,0.0,0.5117752328385557,0.0,0.0,0.12032197773963015,0.07488274070464263,0.0,0.03719756639528865,0.05517180526304589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390374043063925,0.06613434061243374,0.0,0.059766549578513316,0.0,0.05683783435832701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517985074211128,0.0,0.0,0.2949125385882303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668386288553214,0.0792711304767986,0.0,0.0,0.14926742649670818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102337345225658,0.0,0.0,0.051477022690321984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398361876953756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582199843937107,0.0,0.0,0.07703964501869495,0.04336034843890515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780209263617586,0.0,0.053825337432148235,0.0,0.13700041670500446,0.0539356895415357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214254580467393,0.10810567022231936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403572858203895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673883836425321,0.06649956192648951,0.0,0.03946730760418611,0.0,0.0,0.06467532780809697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372471219611924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429850946069984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vaticinations,2019/02/26,"Frustrated every time I wake up Today has to be the worst case of ""oh wow I didn't die in my sleep what a shame"" feeling I've had in a while. And it's hitting me that I'm right back into suicidal mode because I was arguing with my partner and had no emotions when she said would it be ok if she did it because i wanted to and i basically said go for it. I hate that guilt tripping thing, I know people mean well and are trying to say its not okay but my brain is like ""ok, bet"" whenever someone tells me if i try to kill myself they would too. Like, ok? That's not going to make me snap out of it. I just really want to already. Every day its something and having to take care of everyone on top of being in chronic pain is getting to me. I feel worthless and moments like this I get pissed at myself for being so fucking weak with my first attempt 12 years ago. At least if I was to attempt again I know the proper way to do it, I have back of plans and its been set like that for years just in case. 

Sorry I just needed to get this out somehow. I really want to die, I'm tired of being such a bitch and having so many people rely on me constantly stops me from attempting again but fuck I need to go already.",3.3004445964432283,3.649569368217055,4.873009575923393,87.15646374829002,72.37209302325581,7.620975832193342,25.641586867305055,7.5105763829236425,1.1208779753761964,939,27,209,10,17,318,143,258,0.203,0.6659999999999999,0.132,-0.9754,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,6,14,25,8,2,5,4,22,10,4,1,0,39,49,17,4,10,10,0,2,4,1,2,4,3,0,1,17,13,0,1,5,0,1,4,4,14,1,1,9,5,32,11,37,32,2,36,0,1,0,2,9,14,4,5,20,147,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244176374149133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550586087816817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772533475701205,0.0,0.14089520341070935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900921808424065,0.0,0.0,0.11782663820941472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488515357048308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453012939456302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987730170126176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299955323252464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473768557031895,0.110427702342504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686668797411424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829987927968106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136767199372552,0.1811344718666779,0.0,0.19703545826987967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409691745621488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785600446679046,0.0,0.1270234548158011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258376888768798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714080900265675,0.11716518771140802,0.0,0.12588461138118956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713805753762981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229697449206574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023700943336042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806832259392813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869222927390194,0.2198583395207427,0.09190225302109678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564887062795685,0.0,0.09791819743715348,0.08896789914925589,0.0,0.12936601576606033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661785799705323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640980224833553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689080653137772,0.0,0.10100926267765226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677652375551322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738712031436317,0.13282543920702294,0.10954249660681127,0.0,0.0,0.15692265586491627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449042022995728,0.09173044386312353,0.0,0.0,0.10390718304062553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418870401336813,0.0,0.0,0.14884067102191656
suicidewatch,rv0701,2019/02/26,"What do I do Reddit? So, I'm a pretty emotional guy and have been wanting to kill myself for being such an idiot all my life. Everyone everything hurts me. So as I know it's unfair to others I've stopped having expectations. And it went well for a while. Until I met this girl. Sweet kind caring everything good in the world. I gave up weed which was my only friend. She asked me to be vulnerable. So I did. I opened up to her. Told her I liked her. She said she doesn't feel the same way about me and just wants to be friends. I thought okay life sucks. Not everyone gets to be with the People with they want. But I haven't been able to move on. I'm choosing to still love her. I feel like she doesn't need to love me back for me to keep loving her. Anyway, she said that one day she'll give up on love if she doesn't find anyone she loves and marry a rich dude. Maybe I shouldn't be taking it  so literally but that really really crushed my soul. It's like I'm invisible to her. I want someone to just help me make sense of what's this all about and then I feel so worthless because I'm not rich but I do everything to support my parents and take care of them. The only reason I am alive is because my dad is in his 60's without any savings and a tonne of loans. So I am on the verge of saying fuck everything guys. Like seriously. What's the point of living if it's only suffering all the time? ",0.7899999999999991,2.770035525252524,2.73295286195286,93.10165151515154,82.63636363636364,5.9802020202020225,18.990909090909085,7.1686216300943375,0.18411838383838355,1089,27,250,15,30,364,155,297,0.107,0.6890000000000001,0.203,0.9713,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,2,0,15,30,4,0,12,1,24,8,0,2,3,43,61,22,1,9,10,2,3,4,2,2,2,3,0,3,14,10,0,2,8,0,3,2,8,8,1,1,11,7,45,22,36,43,4,23,1,3,0,6,38,12,2,2,12,164,59,0,0.09638031099336028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554191649717593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739135440040765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010258039316656,0.0,0.0,0.07411050995234089,0.0,0.1175050860236964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653230093747626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062157327246526325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084148774323231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841910348832896,0.3464816355300151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461983434276974,0.0688541134313533,0.0,0.0,0.08808985817137688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892637838354314,0.08910204446172085,0.0503547345433928,0.09245677657392752,0.0,0.08083923212834769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086332154867067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460169084908701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317711630339757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566724881869106,0.1066305341830706,0.10036526249773783,0.052968098359064915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361525279180653,0.1883462063752092,0.0,0.08510558037629001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43493496805041104,0.0,0.06433460599344812,0.0,0.09682697678710776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243701768908817,0.0,0.0714647793710904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530979307115467,0.2199047087207947,0.0,0.0,0.10701892951730976,0.0,0.0,0.06681797222990386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111054675832317,0.0,0.0,0.0980534256275055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234873903625131,0.09909501181930272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833594932476478,0.07664549172434543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166272473874334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696944085882064,0.08057825561509557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937123475690642,0.0,0.0,0.14493199837861673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651520114351971,0.05620013441015805,0.0,0.0,0.0920955174416448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227390418206544,0.0765022047323216,0.0,0.0,0.08665747439306103,0.08934551388386146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290718045818096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway678533899,2019/02/26,Haven’t felt this close in a long time There have been a lot of traumatic things happening to me the last few months and I’ve been using people to cope but my behaviors have been a weird combo of isolating and obsessive and now there isn’t really anyone left. I’ve been getting high all the time. Tried going to the psychiatrist and they acted like they didn’t want anything to do with me after not coming in for months. I try to do things I enjoy but I’m alone so it just makes it worse and more depressing. Work is fine but it’s a dead end job I don’t have to do think about. Living this way for the rest of my life is difficult to think about.  I’ve been going to therapy as well but Every time I go I just hit brick wall after brick wall and I can’t change because of my insurance. I planned a vacation to New York in March and I’m thinking about killing myself there. Party with strangers for a weekend and overdose on drugs. It seems like a simple way to go nothing out of the ordinary especially for someone with my use/mental health issues. I wake up and go to sleep crying. It’s feels so unfair because I’ve tried so hard after my first attempt to make things right but now I regret not being able to complete it back then. ,2.2456367682300566,4.182923122047246,3.4901848681958256,89.70933413214651,77.62204724409449,6.622115713796643,21.673399520712085,7.586124646067393,0.7646585415953444,979,27,206,14,23,318,136,254,0.177,0.748,0.076,-0.9842,1,1,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,4,15,11,1,1,12,0,19,5,2,3,1,37,40,19,2,2,9,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,11,15,0,0,6,1,0,7,7,6,1,1,7,3,19,5,38,31,5,40,0,2,0,0,2,12,0,2,21,134,30,2,0.11885261895169222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309546915951056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310451463205892,0.0,0.09780557849780194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139032763951108,0.0,0.1449029067256519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573031155601413,0.1023810072967879,0.12461470970514599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055402102939828,0.0,0.0,0.10236758654664392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783130477477992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526814306491453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013845753822312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060095455263602576,0.0,0.11411715277320587,0.0,0.0,0.10109597696442088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209558794131485,0.0,0.3377334115496263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051009784221796,0.0,0.10646860154722493,0.0,0.0,0.1263347761466254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255743173840516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405125530574332,0.11794288504959773,0.0,0.13149281338954133,0.0,0.0,0.09688074749336767,0.0,0.0,0.12913371824908326,0.0,0.08394911965510389,0.11613077228424633,0.0,0.1049490400152646,0.10518082769844317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104424642285426,0.0,0.0,0.15867009211193164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973405305422847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147886000010905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140422933570079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239744104076002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761400310956962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149948718506814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819896050143184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893845289169055,0.0,0.10070343834644233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591832787971045,0.0,0.2368811966160797,0.2284678774974887,0.0,0.0,0.20791175369452464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420793797321761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530100481946806,0.0,0.0,0.07010235402288273,0.18867935357961968,0.0,0.0,0.10686277806329188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865261221246918,0.0,0.12112097257507926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwantjustwanttoleave,2019/02/26,"I’m messed up I think this will be my last day here I know I’m not important right now but it just feels good getting it off my chest

Today might be my last day on this earth because life just isnt for me",-0.595744680851066,1.1932302765957488,1.1313191489361714,103.69400000000002,86.65957446808511,4.611063829787233,15.782978723404256,5.6839178017228535,-1.0554476595744675,161,3,43,1,5,52,35,47,0.065,0.851,0.084,0.4318,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,8,11,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383998786883916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101465210449317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078217590657765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613342389386432,0.0,0.0,0.26670974517520296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475559383508013,0.5183985150661986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22460137899586166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33733058700602164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715564485106914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375119498180375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301411484555516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tyler-the-rapper,2019/02/26,"Should I tell my psychologist about my suicide plan? I’m 15 and have a plan to overdose, I’m not sure when but I’ve got the supplies. My cousin killed himself last year and I’m still crushed and I know my family wouldn’t care about my death as much as they cared about his,  I’m younger and a burden to everyone around me. My parents life would be better off without me. Anyways, should I tell my therapist about my plan? I know I shouldn’t if I’m set on it but I’m afraid of the life I could miss out on but I don’t want to be taken to a hospital or something. She asks about self harm a lot, I say no but I do injure myself a lot and I don’t know how she’d react if I told her I have an intent to kill myself. Would she have to tell my parents? Because they would get so mad at me for even thinking about it and would say I’m selfish. Advice?",1.0194354838709678,2.423204747311829,2.7738575268817205,95.88078629032259,79.48387096774194,5.725268817204301,21.302419354838708,6.322622252153567,0.031119354838709867,657,18,160,5,16,218,96,186,0.247,0.688,0.065,-0.9911,2,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,4,13,12,3,1,8,0,18,3,0,3,1,37,38,18,4,12,9,3,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,1,2,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,2,34,4,23,23,3,11,0,1,0,0,19,6,0,5,4,108,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988222944941075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832182792372888,0.12425684590432405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102326982928514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175518191508499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710297943327524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612118276971998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778858332965392,0.0,0.0,0.12700522525871327,0.0,0.0,0.12529968979391545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944218981752967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630363709600724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940997648872309,0.0,0.2191385243439675,0.1083428224152852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776247702537804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22599781957766296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977072389554473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29517100566603943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139743196911634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865851038757196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232385382065996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061454612110287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538657482579662,0.0,0.1252700716172198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34851863855145937,0.0,0.0,0.15432364422581324,0.0,0.0851660600609428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700522525871327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839624578985196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812455709063075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776737701827143,0.0,0.0,0.08559239461564216
suicidewatch,hahalolkms,2019/02/26,"my life is empty and has no meaning i never leave my room, i have no close friends, no hobbies, no content in my life. i cant find anything enjoyable. all i want right now is to get out of this town. i just cant seem to do anything right",1.5549999999999995,2.5027298846153845,3.3223076923076924,94.39769230769234,77.07692307692308,5.9692307692307685,26.461538461538463,5.985473137389443,0.6497538461538461,182,7,44,1,4,61,36,52,0.238,0.66,0.102,-0.7549,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,10,11,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495048482588657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496244390054229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100989619472915,0.0,0.14269261663706168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891919881156671,0.0,0.0,0.3858219221399616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29750501504003457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064504636354997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46648169037211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486359064020881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610917725329612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emptiedspirit,2019/02/26,"My future was taken away from me I don't see how I contribute to the betterment of this planet or how my life can get any better.

My childhood was shit, I started a huge fight before I was born. My mother was abusive growing up, and I was molested for years by a family friend. My childhood memories consist of constantly moving in and out of hotels and apartments and houses. I had few friends but many bullies. It was hard to like someone like me. 


My first girlfriend constantly cheated on me and sought to harm me, my second girlfriend was the same and only got with me to get her ex back, and my now ex wife took everything from me.


I'm 24 years old. I have no skills or talents. I have a son I have not seen in over a year. I couldn't even experience his first birthday and he doesn't know who I am and I will never truly know who he is because his mom will never let him know and has blocked me from seeing him. She destroyed the few pictures of us we had and now I don't matter in his life at all. I'm tens of thousands in debt and it's not even my own debt and not even from college. I have no savings and can't save money anymore. Throughout my life I have believed in peace for all and have never wanted to enact violence upon another, I've never even hit anyone. Yet now I am barred from multiple places that mattered to me and what few friends I had are now gone. Everyone thinks I'm an abuser who abused my wife because she told all my friends this. She took full custody and now I owe child support. It's so high any job I can get I still can't afford it. Through all her punches and calling me terrible things I foolishly forgive her over and over and this is where it got me. She left me to sleep out in the street the day after I was in a bad car accident. I don't know how to make friends and don't think I want any anymore if they are just going to believe what someone else tell them about someone else without asking questions or fact checking. Guilty until proven innocent right? This is just scratching the surface.



How can there be a better circumstance to euthanize a life?
No skills or talents to better other people's lives? Check.
No way to get out of debt? Check.
No friends? Check.
Wastes food, water and other resources to stay alive that other better people should have? Check.
Wastes space inside a living quarters that a better person could be living in? Check.
In constant physical pain from a car accident injury? Check.
Burden to immediate family who could be doing much better without me? Check.
In constant emotional pain? Check.
Going to go to jail because can't afford debts and support on time? Check.
Everyone thinks I'm a wife beater so I should die anyways so the world is a better place? Check.


The only reason I'm not dead now is all my past attempts failed and the injuries I have are so draining I am stuck in bed most of the time. I hope this changes soon and I pray for the night when I close my eyes and never open them again. Being alive was a mistake.",2.5316428571428595,4.663127983333336,3.535238095238096,88.80000000000004,77.5,5.9523809523809526,24.54761904761905,6.946089160319951,0.9662619047619048,2370,83,468,25,56,760,270,600,0.188,0.67,0.142,-0.9876,8,0,0,0,3,0,54.0,2,0,3,14,30,37,5,0,25,0,56,12,3,6,11,89,96,42,2,10,14,8,2,2,8,4,6,0,1,2,23,33,3,1,10,2,17,10,25,13,0,6,21,6,73,24,63,62,13,89,1,1,4,0,48,38,1,8,41,334,96,3,0.0,0.2146939908183511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322314390272532,0.06333514453034382,0.0,0.0,0.11980204453360276,0.04223340321679896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056466272899178126,0.0,0.05674821667483367,0.046444222367504034,0.05043185783251674,0.11045867208524447,0.0,0.05139633935348167,0.13610126063923614,0.0,0.4273543595386394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061675618753353964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638956736349252,0.0,0.0,0.2610857411300417,0.0,0.0964496985747172,0.0,0.0,0.03895329731591194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626861373273666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100913661144036,0.06794238332256225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957572615488302,0.0,0.0,0.1154304482282136,0.05428403521025906,0.05908323590828528,0.11388034883057307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275319403857096,0.07303647114990723,0.0,0.2799914548616804,0.0,0.12622698129557808,0.0,0.10298091322411533,0.0,0.09661552470211957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054106944718717416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381639798073079,0.0,0.059991281350393076,0.0,0.06969401670527144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059938132638231875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327780440401372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562527217497477,0.061763558517626216,0.1706505133102161,0.05901722371490521,0.0,0.16000412771091924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031777339822613,0.06123658215908116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074028406662751,0.0,0.0641961259108254,0.044401284926640035,0.0,0.2329227761917711,0.0,0.0,0.05668173631830267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338011812324675,0.0,0.0,0.09187453707585047,0.12854068746875558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765906970748226,0.08374814212955882,0.052739348426312435,0.12621124187964172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766233401541256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210172845127971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158165940279312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626268671958403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200020010766031,0.0,0.0,0.06044407648846605,0.0,0.15353133108953873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427517536373,0.06437884956120313,0.04823588218524465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708344338542228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279266080317134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040127379101918666,0.11610652002671608,0.0,0.0,0.07043998324414577,0.0,0.0,0.0577152241141068,0.13421425807731424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265431165780524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125150774307201,0.04794307056417757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644776838028725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668774007467725
suicidewatch,FreeloadingRusty,2019/02/26,"Wasted potential I was let go from my dream job,l about a year ago and haven't done anything to improve myself since then but read. I quit talking to my family and all but two of my friends. I have an amazing gf who's asleep next to me but I feel unworthy of anyone. I'd buy a firearm but don't have an in state ID to buy one.",2.2582191780821934,2.6313296164383573,4.005369863013701,92.3502465753425,74.75342465753424,7.4838356164383555,25.558904109589037,7.554174236665415,0.9606405479452058,254,8,63,3,5,86,53,73,0.081,0.748,0.171,0.7717,1,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,0,1,8,9,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,9,2,9,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24112356598357965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019817218150611,0.0,0.2238439432779089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783642637944674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564301304796555,0.0,0.13753820473121872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015696457044294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459154739250014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993143823251764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781522454436097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28928945588010635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432339545932724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893198527591052,0.2720871226649999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501238799143325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186341572131328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571767606164304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175167783379629
suicidewatch,paracosium,2019/02/26,"Even if you could have everything you wanted, and all your problems resolved, would it still be worth it? I just can’t imagine I’ll ever feel like “just living” is worth it or enough.
I really just can’t no matter how hard I try.
It doesn’t seem like this feeling will ever stop.

I don’t want a family anyways. I don’t feel the need to ever find a “one true love”. 

I just want to be very responsible with how I leave the people I care about behind. And once that’s settled, I’m going.

I don’t want anything for myself when it’s torture to just even know I exist. When there’s likely nothing after death, and the universe is unimaginably big and expanding, and it will be like I never existed in the first place, why prolong this unnecessary pain.",3.7433714629741104,4.90126525165563,4.9239012642986175,84.21042745334138,71.98013245033113,7.610114388922335,24.98555087296809,8.00094639256281,1.3502000000000005,587,17,118,8,11,194,93,151,0.11,0.664,0.227,0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,2,18,11,1,0,6,0,16,2,0,2,6,39,30,11,1,9,7,0,4,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,8,0,2,1,8,3,0,2,0,4,15,8,9,23,2,14,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,14,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344222623854807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294120058097965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976765240760252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499638449492376,0.0,0.1981552082094191,0.4070672744597722,0.0,0.0,0.13481579634606808,0.0,0.14141238631482775,0.0,0.22754275058221424,0.1071643767757066,0.0,0.0,0.13710284369005268,0.1275950988882454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525191474178045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437598755974575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243942107108405,0.0,0.0,0.15883478437051804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931415832460193,0.0,0.132458120897203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538634793563434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122761097420394,0.11569393998733556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393488381294134,0.0,0.0,0.1597515843775869,0.10164800507958688,0.0,0.15961705017736316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399533150002804,0.0,0.15672443118796028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353556415086255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609773888854656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365599055404968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197950528930077,0.1254118035122826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018442847519795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377072966244546,0.35390990076673223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353571593531701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656001858004792,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,druglordrabbit,2019/02/26,"Done. I'm fine, but I'm done.   (Not in immediate danger) I'm 20 years old and I hear voices everywhere I go. All my life I've wanted to escape, whether it's books, video games, or burying myself tirelessly into a passion. I'm on medication for the voices, but it's not helping. I feel like it's tied to MPD, although I don't black out. 
  The hardest part for me is not being able to escape. I swear they're real, but it's not necessarily believable. Basically I don't have a way out and I don't know what to do anymore. 
  I feel crazy and I'm sick of hurting people. I feel like I've messed up so much shit.  ",0.5260000000000034,2.4079316000000013,3.46846153846154,88.00653846153847,83.0,6.1538461538461515,21.538461538461537,7.321109707123232,0.6943076923076927,468,15,105,7,13,167,79,130,0.221,0.706,0.07400000000000001,-0.9637,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,4,0,9,5,1,0,1,22,21,10,0,1,9,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,7,12,4,13,18,3,10,0,1,1,1,3,6,1,1,4,60,17,1,0.2008858895931619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922482282763065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263296060015378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111520222899095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047218251717704,0.28702583932850706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416808047293625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264129975132389,0.0,0.13464957730148128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505249963027245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040163130052456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189164472120558,0.1962853970339841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237139949764435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767424307767762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079594848410907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753984224236186,0.0,0.13926898195151222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286521218752233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620647885957769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184877024559757,0.1594538686905602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936392659539134
suicidewatch,Bruiseviolet_,2019/02/26,"I tried to kill myself last night but my friend stopped me Now I feel absolutely heartbroken. I begged him & begged him to let me go, that I don’t wanna be here anymore. Screamed at him for how selfish he is for keeping me alive. I ran away & tried to jump into the canal, but he chased after me & kept pushing me away so I couldn’t jump in. I wrote a suicide note a week ago & left it for him to find before I left the house. I have been so serious about this for so long but I can’t do it. Instead I’m forced to stay alive & be trapped in my own head. I’d be happier if I was dead. I spend everyday slicing my wrists up, hating myself. Surely he should see that I’d be better off dead. ",1.2214009169638302,2.679228450331127,2.8499337748344367,95.31823229750385,79.06622516556291,5.9706571574121226,21.5491594498217,6.67199483983844,0.18099959246051966,540,15,130,5,13,178,91,151,0.276,0.6,0.124,-0.9856,0,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,0,4,0,14,2,2,1,1,16,23,8,4,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,0,1,5,3,5,0,0,5,3,26,3,20,11,1,25,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,1,9,81,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572075936369652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7072302808212781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946611362826407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453036956698897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108465363374163,0.0,0.0,0.11545693624628588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600775593249172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931627380948436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085917328925566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419204830724532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888671033045196,0.13397740358826546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063204507238573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603488901833026,0.14442931657679575,0.0,0.0,0.10641205240977178,0.0,0.0,0.28367625869383106,0.13349167647779311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552870966768845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225081615827411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402790691526158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391441938240015,0.0,0.10914193086061008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279565064992453,0.0,0.12303764226495545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772637275543239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471577121381567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maggiwithmilo,2019/02/26,"I am giving up. I am giving up. After 2 months in and I tried to like my first job. I couldn't. I only got more and more stressed out. People keep telling me to stay since its barely a few months. It feels like leaving is wrong decision. It is my dream job. It is what I wanted. But was it what I needed? Was it what liked? I started hating myself, life, what I use to at least not hate more and more everyday. Maybe my mentality and skill set now isn't suited for this job. I am setting myself up for career suicide. Just maybe I am destined for failure. I decided that I want to die after realizing my whole life is a mistake and a delusion I made up but I do not have the courage to pull the trigger. I am going to be unemployed, jobless, a neet and whatever terms there is. 

Maybe after weaning off my drugs or medicine in my system I will end up in a minimum wage job despite working so hard in college. I do not look down at minimum wage jobs but I did study hard for a better life. And I have student loans too. But it is what it is. I can no longer wake up like this feeling like I want to die or I can't get through the day. I hope things will get slightly better. In terms of my medicine usage at the very least.",0.8060066105769224,2.8072839335937516,2.677343750000002,93.40443509615385,82.7109375,5.34471153846154,22.346153846153847,6.490185161304077,0.3903784855769228,941,32,210,9,26,313,131,256,0.12,0.745,0.135,0.2089,10,0,1,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,5,5,14,2,1,10,0,26,5,1,3,0,34,46,14,3,7,10,0,4,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,17,8,0,1,5,1,3,2,7,5,0,1,5,5,34,9,33,37,10,36,0,0,1,0,3,17,0,3,18,151,51,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819862897911348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635211173515906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355612360404247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193135732979008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112529496860552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404317826318006,0.14700168202865538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875136622799672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075060051911802,0.1973927336217217,0.058471738651711215,0.0,0.082286282960793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432894204095512,0.2031546564373539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218770880971456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104858828451707,0.09144863715128816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894002825208418,0.0,0.0,0.21801149145973056,0.2513213060291218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639722498490314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735197857208686,0.0,0.0,0.31008449047082554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036835658499194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424315131591005,0.0,0.0,0.07628769182999386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824844069339768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132728763788834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510727634175178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282231106678043,0.1096613871945834,0.0,0.0,0.11785406145036095,0.0,0.0,0.11253914881587196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992575134268503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835201447046642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985194900578291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888593361525747,0.0,0.0848906418052255,0.18205216228777368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486707891183098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490127755212651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248825422400048,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Throwaway_Taco_,2019/02/26,"20 Years Today is my 20th birthday. I know I haven’t lived too much of life compared to others, but it sure feels like I’ve been to hell and back.

On my 19th birthday I woke up, took a shower, and made a decision that I did not want to continue living. Considering the state I was in, I wasn’t really living anyway. 

Before making that very hard and permanent decision, I looked at myself and said, “Make it one more year, you can do that.” One more year. According to myself, I had nothing to lose. This was the mentality I had.

So I made it through that year, cursing myself at some parts for continuing, but ultimately being grateful for my choice to stay.

I got a job as a runner at a restaurant, and ended up working with one of my friends for a while. I work hard, that’s a good distraction for me. I got promoted to a server and was really able to harness my ability to be a social person. 

I started volunteering at a suicide prevention hotline. Honestly I spend most of the time just listening, not offering solutions. I don’t know their personal solutions, but listening to their problems and maybe asking a few questions could hopefully lead to them finding their own answers, or at least lead them in the right direction.

I decided to apply to study abroad for my senior year of university. I started when I was in 11th grade and always wished I had left my hometown. I was accepted and will be going to Sweden this Fall. 

I received an internship for this summer with the engineering company I thought would never know I existed, but I talked to them anyway, because fuck it I had nothing to lose.

I met the woman who I love very dearly. She is my motivation and brings me more happiness than I could have imagined possible. Her maturity and outlook on life amaze me in so many ways that I will be forever intrigued by her.

And here I am. My 20th birthday. One year later and everything changed. I now have everything to lose. 

I am still a person struggling with this monster that is depression. I have never seen a therapist or told anyone, I personally don’t feel the need to. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against any methods of getting help. In fact, I fully support them. 

All I needed to do was to DO SOMETHING.

I wasn’t doing anything, I was trapped in a routine and it almost led to me never doing anything and taking my life. 

What seems too big to handle is easily handled in small steps. 

Turning my life around was not an instant process, or something that happens in a year. I’m still working on things every day. It could take much longer or shorter depending on You, but those small steps, like making your bed in the morning, or staying hydrated, are core foundations for how you can start making changes in your life. Nobody else made the changes for me. I had to go out of my room despite the incredible dread I felt doing it. You can do that too, no matter how hopeless it seems.

I’m not some “success story”, because I’m still a depressed person, and don’t have answers for most of the problems I still have. My hope for this post is that you, the reader, will find motivation to go out and do something about it, because nobody besides you can make that decision.
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suicidewatch,thesupergoobster,2019/02/26,"How do you do life How do people get up and do the same thing everyday, whether it’s work or school, and be happy. Super happy. How do those people exist. Sometimes I feel like there aren’t actually any happy people that exist and that everyone is actually at a default depression and fake being happy so they can get through 70-80 years of life. Are there any actual happy people out there who enjoy life. Why are we even alive. Everything I do will literally never matter to anyone. No one reading this now is going to exist in 70 years. Why are we even alive if we just fucking die. What’s the point. Why do we get up everyday and strain ourselves just so we can die. A lot on my mind rn",1.899897225077084,4.14637097841727,3.9022867420349456,84.76901079136692,80.22302158273381,6.561356628982527,20.71993833504625,7.7094869923839395,0.9439060637204526,542,15,106,9,14,184,84,139,0.118,0.6829999999999999,0.199,0.9397,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,5,1,1,2,13,12,1,1,4,0,18,4,0,3,1,25,24,13,2,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,10,8,10,21,2,14,0,1,0,1,8,7,1,3,7,76,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.3248329213379809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090859203859136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758343783384371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556676099012312,0.0,0.23031087565527014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657158181611252,0.0,0.0,0.10602379067434646,0.09972064172725996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056102993178924664,0.07926742052499107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102577593058769,0.1739107390782779,0.0,0.0630591954128671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.590576844344777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351157937016026,0.054207792392517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433133741919404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203454051393656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557657375606699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751870668835597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076933556718002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488985572886957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109866310730088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229400758608253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973891914199034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371463781896832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003632324752599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807777296647004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429048310659536
suicidewatch,enoploteuthidae,2019/02/26,"I want to leave. I want to go. For over eight years the thought of wanting to die hasn't left me, not even for a week. I want to leave. I know that my brothers care about me, my parents don't show their love as clearly but I know it exists somewhere because my mother risked her life to give birth to me. I wish that she never did. My best friends are so caring, so loving, and so supportive whenever I talk to them about my severe depression. The only thing that stops me each time is knowing how sad they'll be. 

I feel selfish. I feel guilty that I still want to die after getting so much help. I've gotten good grades, built strong support systems, met the goals I set for myself -- I have dreams but I don't know if I have it in me to even reach them. I don't know if I can make it to my 20's. I've been having trouble getting out of bed for four months. I've tried antidepressants, I've gotten therapy, all types of support and words but nothing seems to help or make this go away. 

My family is in major debt (over a hundred thousand in $), and I'm the only one with savings. At 17, I'm paying rent, my own bills, my school is always providing me with help through counselling and some food and gift cards and scholarship assistance.

I feel selfish, guilty, that everyone keeps wanting to help me but nothing seems to work. I just want it all to end already. I want to die, so so badly. It's gotten to a point where I pray for it. 

I hate waking up and still being here. I have so many reasons to live, which is what I try to tell myself, but my feeling of wanting to die wins each time. 

Thanks for being supportive, I'll make you proud. That's what my mind keeps saying. I'll perform at my peak, I'll achieve things. 

But at the end of the day, it is death I want most.",2.0655925666199124,3.6284076630434825,3.180438288920058,93.40390252454418,76.98913043478261,5.944039270687237,23.012272089761574,6.532088108194933,0.4052877629733521,1372,41,307,11,31,441,185,368,0.182,0.603,0.215,0.8392,3,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,0,1,4,8,17,24,1,1,9,0,21,5,1,5,4,63,70,25,5,13,11,3,4,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,19,12,1,3,13,2,5,2,6,8,0,4,7,5,52,16,48,59,10,32,1,2,0,2,22,14,0,7,14,194,71,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851725706407548,0.0,0.06422184397659055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251529734432899,0.0,0.0644439839811512,0.04704960449193835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099804622875906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738496676023253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977618862617211,0.0,0.06647698888377421,0.0,0.3204121048390462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672119100225671,0.0,0.0,0.10195634249939604,0.0,0.0,0.07375098079135027,0.0,0.0,0.07276058915158076,0.0,0.15610272924441945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933291252615658,0.0,0.059630841850959765,0.0,0.08064911655263682,0.07404028059731059,0.08772894234459104,0.06473683868124208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762015272360395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693463452957706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720632225294702,0.0,0.0,0.2120868264358807,0.0,0.0,0.1634497909233201,0.08385877837076128,0.0,0.05451613037269493,0.0,0.0,0.06815337160731612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932005103070313,0.0,0.15455932349307866,0.07825072264491945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793210554780063,0.0,0.061606163441258174,0.0,0.0567378601053636,0.0,0.05952773624797745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481169679490207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052300713738101405,0.11740121125925057,0.0,0.0,0.08570179346832082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296220674497256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793562435634815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061378450818603075,0.0,0.0781125928792959,0.0,0.14052770680907334,0.0,0.08719401286742247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327574483517598,0.06452784616618241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503421689896662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062036196985630614,0.06746071894516485,0.07105907816432888,0.08826466928028706,0.0,0.10255296105241968,0.0,0.0,0.06127411286176537,0.09001122201156385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048034101309608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552411135513246,0.0,0.06191097337913159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875581856736818,0.0,0.0,0.05618962264015398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970286095178452
suicidewatch,my_shirt_is_red,2019/02/26,ever told those who say it wont do it? guess I wont be missed when i'm gone.,-2.771000000000001,-1.707964099999998,0.6999999999999993,107.855,90.0,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.3095,58,0,19,0,2,21,16,20,0.0,0.888,0.112,0.2235,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782575220782872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824447033835959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204593760690377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052146307774222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plskillme1993,2019/02/26,"I need help My parents are extremely religious, and I told them a few weeks ago that I’m an atheist, and they kicked me out offer a long arguement, neither mum or dad seem to care, I’ve been alone my whole life and I always will be, I’m so lonely and no one will notice if I’m gone, and if they do, they wouldn’t even care in the first place, I’m seriously contemplating suicide, and I’m scared that this is the last thing I will write",1.6525,3.2135073010752677,3.2813844086021504,92.24207661290323,78.13978494623656,6.800537634408602,21.302419354838708,7.6454224807358475,0.5512806451612899,341,9,80,5,8,113,65,93,0.173,0.733,0.094,-0.7721,1,3,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,4,1,2,5,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,14,20,10,1,4,3,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,3,0,11,2,3,12,3,9,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,4,5,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267664038152812,0.0,0.0,0.22511954217347532,0.0,0.0,0.18086104041964224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.443226277418041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356431581553214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848864154400297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569191330569706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717751652474967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352788783910454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923568750220836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116978214805994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24746594852506798,0.0,0.0,0.1472888493331155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413527013979813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227095072982376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761540879415145,0.0,0.0,0.19787649876994973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377567031153896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440441200050666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769691886696265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435318523124352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426748226366584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WalkingTittyfuck,2019/02/26,"Serious partner needed Hello, 
Same old saying 'ready to not live anymore' been great, done that, seen this. Now want to finish in style without any commitments lingering. 
No need to talk and no need to figure anything out. Would like to try Nembutal. Anyone interested in going on a one way trip to get and use this? No sure but will be China/India or Mexico...
Please respect that not living is a choice, is not depressed for no reason. And seriously moving/changing things is a temporising measure. I'm not looking for a temporary measure....are partners out there who would like to join me? Oh I'm in Australia....",3.4104572271386395,6.18964443362832,4.581615044247787,78.98681784660768,78.11504424778761,6.952507374631269,27.11578171091445,8.07648339933343,2.22114808259587,483,20,80,9,12,158,82,113,0.095,0.684,0.221,0.95,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,2,24,20,5,0,6,7,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,3,0,1,3,3,1,6,16,13,1,12,0,1,2,0,6,6,0,1,5,53,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711092618205494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853728328566843,0.13069769595260494,0.0,0.15381792213780784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977348896690994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609925496961388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128242661954226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765715266714796,0.0,0.10623003799776948,0.0,0.0,0.20607820313824485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263778368657307,0.0,0.3301047550343653,0.0,0.1569643849264862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4157928901413918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613942464900275,0.0,0.12666074978735972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518027988464588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921832531844868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864501927068854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616838611646454,0.0,0.0,0.1502379348684116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418028370376225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690532842374125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614374888383506,0.0,0.0,0.11024931909186704,0.14836713081030495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180182673747594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655629461716674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,8bitMaverick,2019/02/26,"How to approach another human A lot of people and philosophies in this world will tell you to approach other humans with a clean slate. To believe in their kindness and give them the benefit of the doubt.

As a person who recently found out how many Toxic Narcissistic Personality Disorder jerks have been targeting me and picking at me since birth like a vulture to a corpse, I cannot preach strongly enough not to give them a clean slate.

Approach any other human being, including those in your immediate family, with extreme caution and a questioning nature.

Sorting out all of the weird enigmas in my life by realizing how I was constantly thwarted and manipulated in every way possible by someone so close to me, is heartbreaking and the reason I’m here today teetering on the edge of suicide.",14.213216783216787,9.8090354965035,13.140223776223776,51.793412587412604,54.17482517482517,16.195244755244754,50.97762237762238,13.662883650711644,6.891535384615384,648,32,97,17,5,213,98,143,0.189,0.723,0.087,-0.9219,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,3,1,5,8,1,1,12,0,7,1,0,6,1,25,11,11,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,5,11,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,11,4,24,6,3,19,1,1,0,0,15,11,0,4,5,74,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538743720344928,0.1933426921124246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773761808720256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925359149557706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113200288539784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051795245134467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553514654867409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382081769037586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216752994741333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35375585232379325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200755366048916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023586627309625,0.09008070478606243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675667617310815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693642744792435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782864378706238,0.3219939791915417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786524652239527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065522690468064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957745265509995,0.18205694762723929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252434336782456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562279578822347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016861602689312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611597358647065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477446474837036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635543030257153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beautifully_Broken81,2019/02/26,"I don’t want to hurt anybody but I forgot what happiness feels like I just want to be done with life . I always struggled with depression and thoughts of suicide were always normal for me . At 18 , I met my boyfriend and even though he treated me like complete crap, he made me happy. We were together for 5 years and after all the lying and cheating , he killed himself because I was going to leave him that day . I honestly never could leave him , I loved him more than anything and that feeling of being in his arms is what made me so happy . It just felt like I was in heaven when I was in his arms . It’s beem 2 years and I know I’ll never be happy . I’m addicted to drugs now and I can see that it’s ruinjng my life slowly . But he was the only one that would listen to me complain . Nobody cares about me anymore. There is nobody to talk to . Nobody to help me enjoy life so I can stop having to do drugs to feel happy . I’m so tired of waking up everyday . I just want my boyfriend back . I wish I could just do it like him and just kill myself too. But I can’t . I can’t ever let anyone feel the pain I do . Somedays I just want a hug like my boyfriend would give me everyday . Just somebody to touch me . But it’s been forever that I have gotten a hug from anybody . This world is so lonely and I’m losing my strength to keep on going with life ): I just want to be a normal 25 year old woman. Why is that so hard to get ? What have I done to deserve this ? I just don’t understand ): I just want to be happy . ",0.4373798478381872,2.504874037854893,2.4518547040267222,94.09022963444052,84.64668769716089,4.991241417702729,19.102709222490255,6.2272716619740125,-0.08840872146966028,1158,31,257,10,34,387,148,317,0.191,0.5660000000000001,0.243,0.9592,0,2,2,0,0,2,32.0,1,0,0,2,24,31,4,1,6,0,35,16,4,2,4,57,67,20,3,13,14,0,7,5,0,2,9,1,0,1,16,13,0,3,8,0,0,2,6,11,0,1,16,9,48,20,34,41,2,24,1,4,1,3,20,7,1,0,20,180,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907739058607364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857052207978388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257902184981178,0.05822259779637954,0.0,0.06852208793146605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402759599996444,0.0,0.05075911757120933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489680325678754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730442810235033,0.0,0.0,0.13296470518540007,0.0,0.0,0.05370067268377312,0.0,0.07171820743168282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704232000329019,0.0,0.0,0.1931278139865697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499742274075938,0.07532025419095577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841027406004674,0.0594863449266977,0.07994989342034199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435038512365272,0.07987780871756668,0.09464572012778433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318390476552173,0.07459135756068479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055812474711885184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913962032326588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401201261897844,0.18424638471181887,0.0,0.045761660590401376,0.0,0.0,0.17633659717347788,0.0,0.08514669792498575,0.23525729501842155,0.20340156237072465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931550746668136,0.0,0.0,0.07515220294259907,0.15757951328765793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284421153200875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316901338152046,0.0,0.0,0.08737527276298225,0.0,0.05642423791565186,0.06332871391439382,0.08860252995177309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635344614430562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961538923727567,0.0,0.08704930878262816,0.0,0.09108117038977744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692729196063422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180993213243717,0.06610512314412366,0.0,0.09570378440071624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668444239494957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946801035484916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751360005240657,0.0,0.09575355794036264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830173815903762,0.0,0.0,0.16086469099497178
suicidewatch,SunlightMagical,2019/02/26,Urgently need help boyfriend sounded upset now he’s stopped answering me. My boyfriend had a physical therapy appointment yesterday and told me he didn’t want to go home because he doesn’t want to be here anymore. It’s a long distance relationship so when I woke up he was still awake and told me he was in his car this is 6 hours after his appointment. I asked him where he was and he said he doesn’t know and he drove to somewhere he didn’t recognise he was also crying and saying he wasn’t good enough. I talked to him up until this point and he hasn’t replied to my text or calls. I’m so worried I want to believe that his phone just died but I feel like he’s done something. I don’t know his phone number as we use an app to keep in contact I contacted his family on Facebook I don’t know what else to do can someone help me. ,2.193676190476189,3.8721806342857192,3.4571428571428555,91.0561904761905,76.94285714285716,6.9523809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.3061238095238092,661,25,146,10,15,215,102,175,0.058,0.847,0.094,0.6081,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,3,0,18,0,0,1,0,22,36,14,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,7,0,2,5,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,14,4,22,2,16,21,1,19,0,0,0,0,36,7,0,1,10,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878851124681728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597144608662984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505563676868963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981722102700497,0.0,0.0,0.18144381050293465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444607829750965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690158318721494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671404301321904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480607848484882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453335497244656,0.0,0.0,0.16640367584978313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518199341885138,0.0,0.08142974911583804,0.1150513689318523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152621225644908,0.13507783131996648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589161771460172,0.0,0.1615423732869383,0.0,0.15859797224955272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314517692603013,0.0,0.0,0.2655201812453709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078678991699578,0.0,0.0,0.1425207342836756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941364556605764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224062305479305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290324595780118,0.0,0.0,0.1531917241649246,0.12807032588013068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645384137092362,0.12398115892001255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286116267484197,0.1346417541763888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129442758139892,0.0,0.0,0.184170255320328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077729078513897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909212637085994,0.0,0.0,0.2849674942376397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355013605512594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CandidTill,2019/02/26,"I have to go I hope that this won't take too long. Life is pointless, doing something and living somewhere where I hate it, being surrounded by stupid people who get things they don't deserve... I am done with it all. I know this is what my life would be like, until I died naturally. And I don't want it. My parents were selfish for bringing me here. I need two days.",1.1555,3.38665326666667,2.5409166666666683,93.543375,83.0,4.816666666666666,21.375,5.985473137389443,0.10530000000000016,285,9,61,2,8,92,58,75,0.194,0.736,0.07,-0.8632,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,13,2,0,0,1,9,22,3,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,0,12,2,5,16,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,46,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726470330610313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691730580965361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654136770114769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355040524836736,0.0,0.1473993481384264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560627118386156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257601398789096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253658658099086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663849974801454,0.12670940709544434,0.0,0.2290182072159385,0.22952401079116486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923109574987329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879867955527312,0.0,0.0,0.1798064491451392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996667572678758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195005229328894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230618772784154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25335545766225936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297629628248635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424075663159276,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ep1cM1n10n,2019/02/26,"This might be my last day on this earth. I don't feel like i have a purpose in life, like i was made to serve those higher up than me and that's all, and that has really effected me, my family is broken, my dad's in jail, my sister lives far away, and nothing has gotten better. I feel useless to the point of someone who i called my friend taking advantage of this and forcing me to become their sex slave for over a month and now I'm having minor ptsd every day when my mind finds something lewd, it makes me never feel like i have a purpose, I'm most likely going to kill myself. There's no use going through it anymore, my mind is already trying but my body won't let me do it yet, but the urge is getting stronger. So possibly goodbye forever. Ive talked to friends but nothing has stopped the urge or thoughts",4.940892857142857,4.872479875,5.571523809523812,85.04014285714288,68.70238095238095,8.14857142857143,29.3,7.554174236665415,1.638067142857143,641,21,134,6,10,208,108,168,0.08900000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.079,0.3359,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,3,5,10,1,0,6,0,17,3,1,4,2,25,31,11,1,0,4,2,3,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,3,22,8,16,23,2,19,0,1,0,1,8,8,0,3,13,88,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588747856427007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277983324303295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526481864672382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900386470577338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733001433355234,0.0,0.15991852692916192,0.0,0.0,0.14700975421658666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569784235934966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130117152023807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572236833676907,0.0,0.21838710039251116,0.2057047956881508,0.0,0.0,0.13158622901598455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224621646497967,0.0,0.07521852991039303,0.0,0.16364325750417705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159281785467438,0.0,0.0,0.11735499485016725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721936708132705,0.10169046750465294,0.28134642921281466,0.0,0.12712839619001215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622816137644392,0.09610128082437663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272971719774436,0.2907378859284228,0.0,0.11491570510748104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103875655089454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762867359281912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609845129036482,0.16230486041769368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682935546680462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223104887520306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198555228271665,0.1108353564220852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203656018658655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824773433787717,0.11571785874294555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429632184544515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774637065617213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434409821710045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TaxidermyOctopus,2019/02/26,"Sick and tired Diagnosed bipolar, bad reaction to meds. Alcoholic in recovery. I'm sick and tired. So tired. I keep trying to reach out and the people I have reached out to have been magnificent. I just can't get it out of my head. Everything is overwhelming and daunting and I don't want to fight for the rest of my life. Fighting yourself? That's straight up dumpster fire material. ",2.368843226788435,5.198495808219178,3.4144292237442926,85.0296194824962,84.06849315068494,7.628006088280059,28.659056316590558,8.515128840125781,2.66871202435312,306,15,58,8,9,98,52,73,0.305,0.575,0.12,-0.9436,0,0,1,0,3,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,2,0,6,10,1,0,0,11,10,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,6,1,12,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486540779898304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349729679038898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306013279336906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975135191933052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481983237000296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255456126046433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953401053179039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522880394526542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24411296626959336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235962298897168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7577737719578279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492082058355561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962499920698164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rrsthrowaway0,2019/02/26,"Feel like my life is too good to justify killing myself, which makes me feel worse about wanting to die I have a shit ton of problems too of course, like anyone else, but I also have a lot of good things going for me that I appreciate on a head level but not enough on a heart level. It's not like I don't feel happy or grateful sometimes, but at the end of the day, it always comes back to me wanting to die. And it's like, shit. Some people would kill to be in my shoes. I don't think anyone who loves me knows how dark it gets, but despite not having anyone in my life quite get me, I'm not even that lonely. I'm just sad as fuck. And the pain is mind numbing, like it feels like my brain is literally throbbing in my head. What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like some other soul deserved to have the life I got so much more. They'd appreciate it more. I'm tired. I'm fucking pathetic. And because I know I'm blessed in a lot of ways, it makes me feel even worse and guiltier about wanting to off myself. Who else is in the same boat? What the fuck is wrong with us?",2.7974290393013104,3.443212812227077,3.9045387554585136,92.5610876091703,73.71615720524018,6.598362445414847,23.04612445414847,6.322622252153567,0.2745128820960696,830,20,196,5,16,270,114,229,0.278,0.5589999999999999,0.163,-0.991,0,2,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,1,1,11,27,8,0,12,0,15,19,7,3,0,40,44,13,4,5,10,0,6,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,15,0,0,1,6,24,12,27,40,10,17,2,2,0,5,5,11,6,5,10,125,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458915349860235,0.07760932720122589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956527221691322,0.0955676338943474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171999604660638,0.0,0.0568574167853871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412179696977578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034510465414597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015237605644996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936021012784316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583267432124712,0.0,0.08261082982686692,0.09637435203287884,0.0,0.12320984038016965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829651184264632,0.1998994506824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34491185018959997,0.09746097725417074,0.0,0.05300832061066822,0.15646335215839816,0.0745977077067509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928920439056796,0.0,0.0,0.19144685518267648,0.0,0.0,0.11052713012500684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638210410305752,0.0,0.10251911118548174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976411733699858,0.31897407094206776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859212109545726,0.08418113492719545,0.0,0.12451884868899993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941775866968936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685652556351328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924741041134856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466268694214528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924819139356206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920567956505233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914836283154748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224785966996113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196541407837002,0.05976458594002732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720182339609396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121940831226524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650417724688829,0.07403454414882851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901031739050296,0.06625736965883862,0.20395540075720547,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ahsoka_says_what,2019/02/26,"Nothing left I have nothing left.
Made a lot of mistakes.
I tried my best to stick it out.
Im just so tired I feel like Im drowning.
Im surprised I even made it this far.
But I think its time for me to just relax
and let the water take me under.",-2.2019642857142863,-0.3930558392857115,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,98.46428571428572,2.8000000000000003,15.928571428571427,3.1291,-1.349421428571428,187,5,48,0,8,64,40,56,0.106,0.695,0.199,0.6728,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,11,7,3,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,8,4,6,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919346313081624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079891996334464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247605707397744,0.13065859928717174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926665826633196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974269617093592,0.18702020267870856,0.0,0.08935214716900079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548885449339972,0.0,0.3461150371213878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35098100457248205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375125679231952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719027329855634,0.0,0.0,0.1066462187346722,0.21020828278637416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417215488453315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nekomori,2019/02/26,"Tonight is hard Tonight has been a difficult night for me. It started out fine, but it went sideways very quick. I got very drunk and had to be talked off a metaphorical ledge earlier. Now that I am sober, I don't feel any less suicidal. I'm thinking about cutting all ties with my friends, burning all bridges, and hanging myself sometime soon. I've already started, as I've unfriended people on things like Steam and other platforms where they might be able to reach me. It's better this way, if they hate me first. Then they'll be less upset when I'm gone, assuming they would have even cared to begin with. I have the rope for it, and a nice out-of-the-way staircase. It feels like my time is creeping ever closer as my depression and desperation come to a head. I'm sick of these feelings coming and going. I'm sick of being a useless sack of shit to everyone I know. In the end, I know their lives will be better without me. I just want everything to fucking stop.",4.193549107142856,5.469321494791667,4.570029761904763,86.72437500000002,71.03125,7.5690476190476215,29.339285714285715,7.957251820313856,1.8295910714285717,765,30,154,10,14,241,126,192,0.236,0.639,0.126,-0.9796,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,5,3,9,16,4,1,7,0,18,6,2,0,3,29,41,12,1,3,4,0,4,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,10,11,1,1,7,1,0,6,2,8,0,1,5,4,20,8,21,27,4,30,0,2,0,1,7,7,2,3,18,97,30,0,0.15044705936584418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602207111333295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023091594182668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661163961169815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339080379437348,0.0,0.0,0.2591936403012762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957983177956595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325143954510968,0.0,0.0,0.0993688638111302,0.1360879784531054,0.0,0.1437586124911528,0.13521211607563205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282116609311432,0.10747940927170294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797019184067115,0.0,0.0,0.11623502486598444,0.13908588211210585,0.0,0.0,0.08550253089145288,0.0,0.12032625697529405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477101437776684,0.14853532397286598,0.154402086887034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653635385939167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470016676632987,0.0,0.1328475097379422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960055503551274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118437365154254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430104791288966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544317444567027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879598863416685,0.0,0.21297440593181888,0.0,0.0,0.12578047820322555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645646644004026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092364748494365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995034119928732,0.09640040085562823,0.0,0.0,0.08772689017942631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482691601349923,0.08873757356287433,0.23883574598082494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946593129672696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502559651284047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687327443648753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RorialisShankarium,2019/02/26,"Can someone please help u/totally_not_griffin? They posted on r/teenagers that he was going to kill him/herself at 2:30am (don't know where they live, so not sure exactly). No one can get through to him, can someone try and talk them out of it by PMing? I'm not very good at this but I'll try after school as well.",3.074062500000004,4.48836703125,3.4145000000000003,93.38050000000004,74.0,6.370000000000001,23.7375,6.742157984588678,0.4271912499999999,246,7,56,2,5,76,54,64,0.096,0.782,0.122,0.1711,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,8,9,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,1,0,4,3,11,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313871956337026,0.0,0.14482637320378314,0.21374021635998275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708078987858491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28193282947918924,0.0,0.14004849508551098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502050902944334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268013233093565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797279973603543,0.0,0.0,0.24405772920895816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579026539227296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318350878566536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401752735412462,0.0,0.0,0.20482356624098266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460271464127938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102623259558652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912374150925915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1minipug,2019/02/26,Question Does anyone know how long it takes someone to bleed out in a bathtub?,2.1020000000000003,4.949599533333338,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,87.0,3.0,27.5,3.1291,0.5750000000000006,63,3,11,0,2,19,15,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31658620037070834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962206876305867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488296777762471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006857959561528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072042412540578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836292053628976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404254973583257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lktgrsss,2019/02/26,There’s nothing interesting about this title. I’m done. I’ve talked to the hotlines. I went to the hospital. I’m done. Getting out of current circumstances requires a lot of things I just can’t manage right now. I don’t want to be alive anymore. There’s no point. I think I can find somewhere for my dog. My husband doesn’t care. I just don’t want it to be drawn out or too painful. I’ve googled ways to kill my self more times in the past two months than in my whole 30 years of life. I’m so done. ,-0.14732566498921784,2.035712355140191,1.294766355140187,100.43964773544212,89.0,4.413803019410496,20.380301941049602,5.873414542411696,-0.25320790797987097,390,13,94,3,13,124,70,107,0.119,0.7979999999999999,0.083,-0.6866,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,0,11,19,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,4,0,10,2,15,13,3,14,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,6,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528395465423625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048440018493745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5735721450725442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075812694513914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976103303143172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669837221031104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196269768594635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883515394068468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491249556087646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926726025849254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879900214478444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834921763943812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766135924425182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955076357810746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490317104610508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016590231981836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412074466438415,0.11971234311535328,0.0,0.0,0.1089413683386074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250457795221867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203929186869663,0.14829599523080506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319215762702192,0.0,0.20858766903087225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031161362824985
suicidewatch,Heyimyevgeniy,2019/02/26,"I’m tired of life. Political Discussion. This is more of a political discussion if anything. Why is it that we don’t have a convenient way of obtaining a painless suicide drug? 

I believe it is well within the constitutions parameters to kill yourself. As long as no one is there to witness it and there is a way to timely notify the police after the deed is done through your phone just for the sake of courtesy. 

I am one of those people that things are just not going to get any better for. Life has a way of constantly letting me down. My attitude toward life is a disease to humanity, and not a lot of people appreciate my honesty. 

If women should have the right to do whatever they want with their body in regards to abortion, then why shouldn’t I have the right to do what I want with my body in regards to suicide? 

Nothing will fix me. I hate human nature. I hate being around people. I don’t need sympathy, I simply don’t want to be here. 

Would like to hear someone’s thoughts on this issue.",4.024483925549916,5.525455340101524,5.405096446700507,79.70263620981389,71.74111675126903,8.29901861252115,29.376988155668357,8.841846274778883,2.4111979018612515,790,32,150,15,15,265,113,197,0.127,0.7559999999999999,0.117,-0.8426,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,1,1,2,2,7,6,3,0,13,0,26,7,2,0,0,21,37,7,3,9,6,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,3,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,1,2,2,1,17,3,33,28,2,18,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,3,6,117,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779508341445971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624151448150032,0.11492984818387765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545589187451236,0.0,0.1141819135642039,0.0,0.2868106709123144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395154576578557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211812001692305,0.0,0.0,0.14971954347739952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745146245060799,0.0,0.07337272512496314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549267579235573,0.0,0.0,0.14550948533461475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347509358815317,0.0,0.0,0.14283434393521974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201749120220896,0.2735697211303965,0.0630736473056179,0.0,0.0,0.11425289437198592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097595242979644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957289106178515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238786800025354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749682962264367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26851317869666946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050806105869755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938932081119353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824374380604343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577089864476374,0.0,0.0,0.10249408051958517,0.07528152596295036,0.14838594828739832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844648662683606,0.30743001447723844,0.0,0.0,0.11607991647838095,0.0,0.2329923891327855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171171083097164,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,robert-corleone,2019/02/26,"I Hope You Live Brother I know you thought you would marry and have kids with her, but shit happens. Life doesn’t always pan out the way we want, but from here on out, it can only get better. If you can get though this, you can get through anything. You’re a strong, handsome man, and I know you can overcome this. Just don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and try not to get lost in that mind of yours. You’re a beautiful person, and you’re only just getting started. I love you brother.",2.693560606060608,4.199252434343439,3.300896464646467,93.43801136363639,75.16161616161617,5.758080808080809,24.49621212121212,5.985473137389443,0.41561515151515227,377,12,83,2,8,118,65,99,0.063,0.679,0.258,0.973,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,8,0,3,4,8,1,1,3,0,10,3,1,0,0,21,24,8,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,14,5,10,19,0,6,0,1,0,1,16,4,1,2,1,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683578185503304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665033670005718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894768492140312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285549468091632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892299244199686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009629839688251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223945824727347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291425186573395,0.0,0.0,0.17866433381825975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208710975832942,0.0,0.1826140330103234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042993236046656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30776774067681073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176669952595601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076926003217974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321281005269915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879179933575644,0.1606303297484549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373712775416082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934163836818748,0.16060304604815612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373203094162013,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orangehandledscissor,2019/02/26,Let me die I don’t want to live any longer. I can’t stand the pain.,-3.049999999999997,-1.6421074705882326,-0.4749999999999997,113.60750000000002,94.29411764705885,3.4000000000000004,8.5,3.1291,-2.7238,51,0,17,0,2,17,15,17,0.389,0.541,0.07,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089447347241407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714995443414261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645602830157528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401161918327943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834152984601993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26796238264812994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZackLovesYou,2019/02/26,"You are NOT alone I like to visit this sub every week or so when I'm feeling suicidal, maybe some of you remember me.

Been going through every post from the past couple hours and I'll try to get to most of them, but I just wanted to let YOU know you are NOT alone. 

It's easy to spiral but it's never easy to pull yourself out. I know it's different for everyone but when I feel loneliest, even one person can make all the difference.

I'm here telling YOU that I care. I read your post and I cry because there's nothing I can do for you except tell you I know what it feels like, and tell you it's okay to feel like that.

I know I'm only one of 7 billion, but I promise you, someone cares about you.

You are not alone.",1.4875384615384633,2.8851457935483893,3.0677419354838733,94.30468982630276,78.16129032258064,6.059553349875933,21.60049627791563,6.67199483983844,0.2342158808933004,558,15,131,5,13,184,86,155,0.151,0.723,0.126,-0.7211,1,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,12,1,0,8,7,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,1,2,29,25,11,1,1,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,9,1,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,4,25,7,17,23,3,12,0,0,0,0,18,1,0,3,9,86,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879384186994907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611084968430246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25459732716158057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815040976037948,0.13714807652634536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608951749417355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824659839559588,0.0,0.21039255213119512,0.11930493090631895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525230868384266,0.1783938127227214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523192759421903,0.0,0.07095834721518315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295767196150717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274469615482492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767336858824946,0.0,0.18299450203127315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334212061729311,0.0,0.1254342892722589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629637984295747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980237033867275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921084904696396,0.09495835341654042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918885238968388,0.0,0.10901914385025448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391544123719868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124889444788492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143712030966987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578979306729996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657182394633835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32738804255688353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476879541300514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364310144106777,0.0,0.1001516769280244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EchoesofPoe,2019/02/26,"I hate everything about my life right now and I can't see a way out I'm in a grad program where my one professor hates me and goes out of her way to make things difficult. She thinks I don't belong because my area of research isn't ""worthwhile,"" and has said she wishes I didn't get accepted. The people in my program are shitty too, for the most part, and in the class with this professor, I have people telling me I'm a failure, that I don't belong, that I shouldn't have shown up.

I also have chronic health issues that make it really difficult to deal with school, work, and all this stress, so I'm constantly burnt out. My school has no resources or full-time medical staff, so it's really hard to see anyone. 

Pretty much every day I think how much better it would be if I was dead and never had to deal with this shit again. ",6.028596491228073,5.061051742690061,6.449239766081876,82.66578947368423,66.6608187134503,9.939181286549706,28.941520467836256,9.150863307647796,2.0456011695906424,652,17,140,10,9,212,104,171,0.206,0.75,0.044,-0.981,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,3,1,6,0,16,5,1,3,2,26,30,12,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,10,12,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,4,20,2,18,23,5,17,0,0,2,0,7,10,1,3,5,94,30,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160644613157038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148181399206116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884729902602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836017322819634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156839448157468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936001120321378,0.2992557641669657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228255427925487,0.0,0.13043804061129474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582708271732395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001251335197972,0.2865816641719761,0.0,0.15427179029206115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514833035504276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251319056919296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375756955079548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620831186514435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338194863451104,0.0,0.11193711161124556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834727809338747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157167135161487,0.0,0.2012367636618028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765454099190395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595448170808387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394455493072758,0.13805668511185046,0.0,0.0,0.29376887409087765,0.2313077167356277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897906149067952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662517298503852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685444637912555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642129006525473,0.18599338234922674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304029227399258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689816538186453,0.0,0.0,0.10566005793775483,0.0,0.0,0.10309978806493172,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,willcoutu,2019/02/26,"*** please help me cheer up*** I’m trying really hard not to have those suicide ideas/plans at this moment. For a long time I always felt this pain in my chest, it’s always there!
I’ve tried everything to get off this pain : running, meditation, medication.
But it keep growing everyday, I think I’m starting to slip, you see I’m starting to have those idea everyday.I know I’m strong but it get harder and harder
I don’t have anyone to  talk to right know and I know it can help me to talk to someone.
Please someone, just post a comment, talk to me. It would help me a lot:)
Thank",-0.44270294380017816,1.7586445423728847,1.5321052631578949,95.13979036574487,99.33898305084746,4.518108831400535,17.227475468331846,6.339386263674448,-0.11185423728813547,448,13,97,6,19,147,68,118,0.07400000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.187,0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,6,4,1,0,0,15,22,4,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,10,3,14,20,1,14,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,6,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450928549306478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297964171035877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236324972081373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140920692000036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389251537783158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319314418630464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29615040549543103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662580307124784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309067412007318,0.0,0.0,0.2428190903548253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033568632390805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520980766915688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483662833631139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134266465050208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233322753633567,0.0,0.0,0.141050845195681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434954474814566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257739229978162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173608593365286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495749850855222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848711857099395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109735134289502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551275007096608,0.0,0.13559305726556015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436928214704313,0.0,0.0,0.08587851894540753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999831008031142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462149638132368,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,existnt,2019/02/26,"I'm not going to kill myself but every waking moment is torturous and I don't want to keep going Hi guys. First thing - I'm in no immediate danger. I'm not about to do anything. The thoughts are just so fucking loud all the time now amd getting stronger by the day and this is just kimda my version of screaming into a pillow trying to drown them out I guess.
20 y/o f here. Won't really go into specifics too much but basically I've have chronic depression, suicidal ideation and anxiety as long as I can remember, and now I also struggle with an eating disorder and a few other things as well. I was forced into medical leave from work back in December for basically having a few escalating breakdowns/panic attacks as a result of worsening depression, suicidal thoughts, and work related anxiety that is quite intense and has always made it difficult for me to hold any kind of job (fulltime, pastime, freelancing from home... even doing the things I used to love for money). I don't struggle with emotional regulation, believe it or not, nor mindfulness, grounding, or much else that they typically teach in therapy. I have done years of CBT and DBT with no improvement. I understand and utilize the concepts daily, my problem of being able to hold it together only came from years of struggling to keep using the coping and distress tolerance techniques successfully but with increasing difficulty and draining of willpower. I've been on many antidepressants. I don't find them helpful. My problem isn't just that I feel sad, anxious, and deal with adhd and an eating disorder... I literally just don't want and have never wanted the things humans are supposed to want in life. I don't get satisfaction from the same things most people do. I don't have a drive to succeed, I don't long for a sense of community, I don't want a family of my own. beyond that even... I feel so uncomfortable having to have a name, a personality,  a past and a future. I have no goals, nor do I want any. I'm literally never happier than when I'm a stranger in a crowd in transit or waiting... I can smile at people if I want and they can smile back, but beyond that I don't have to engage any more than to just watch life go by. I love to be waiting or in transit because literally all I can be doing in that moment is keep waiting or stay on the bus or train or in the car and wait to get to wherever... because then I can just be. I can sit with the sun on my face, eyes closed or staring blankly to the sky or the trees... let the feeling of my body float away until I feel I am nothing, and quietly listen to the distant mummer of voices and birds and life continuing on. It's so stupid but I just wish I could be part of the sky or the air or the clouds or something I am just so fucking unhappy being a person and trying to force myself to get better and be happy and work towards a future I don't even want. But I can't kill myself because I know how deeply it would affect my parents. I just feel so fucking trapped. I feel like I'm in purgatory. Doomed to keep trying to stay alive for their sake but having so little desire to get better deep within myself that I never actually make any improvements and keep ending up having a breakdown and back in day hospital for another few months, unable to work or save money, falling further and further behind but not truly even caring because I'm just waiting for this nightmare that is having a self to end. Or to wake up and be different... actually want things and feel like any of it actually mattered or was worth the time or the effort or the pain... that the good is worth the bad. I have a really good life. I'm.incredibly fortunate. I am smart and I have talents and I'm from.a middle-class family in a first world country but it just doesn't fucking matter all I can think anymore is how my brain feels like it's on fire and I can't put it put and I just don't want to exist anymore
I can't keep this up for much longer... let alone an average lifespan. 
I'm in so much pain. ",5.194313725490198,5.818157581863983,6.398389391020896,76.91873734380404,68.26952141057934,9.250121005581073,31.0598113300736,9.325443323948027,2.7284649380155086,3176,123,600,60,51,1071,329,794,0.2,0.6709999999999999,0.129,-0.9958,4,2,1,0,0,2,88.0,0,0,5,13,38,44,10,4,45,0,72,22,6,8,6,153,139,78,5,17,43,1,9,3,0,2,8,5,2,5,28,44,2,13,15,0,4,11,29,25,1,2,8,17,62,19,100,118,17,85,1,4,3,6,19,41,4,20,33,431,90,9,0.053326334771218065,0.0,0.1561164309613154,0.0,0.06408789151762459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523000044187707,0.0,0.04264505065026898,0.04437178241326458,0.0,0.0,0.18131868141182927,0.05591731161640448,0.08158900027876988,0.06024357955375637,0.1057707897588888,0.0,0.0,0.043883029818521074,0.0,0.0,0.060666404241904115,0.05010184691315631,0.12301397940259225,0.04452526209147562,0.1300289548775598,0.0,0.0,0.06008051816242014,0.0,0.09432561917302586,0.0,0.059233536369188,0.0,0.059529825682447426,0.0,0.0609911206805946,0.054369752313165036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425767391114649,0.0,0.0,0.06878214869966053,0.05497710959762368,0.09185978799721264,0.0,0.0,0.055714669904133034,0.12223319924959447,0.0,0.0,0.05457135497893465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913230681005257,0.04454731001553045,0.059984949089186064,0.09446260902514478,0.0,0.0,0.14088616473499316,0.0,0.04492973699071072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005426450000939,0.0,0.21570717709927256,0.11428903264699106,0.0,0.0,0.048739303892883036,0.09071870622925468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971973488275221,0.13930404477330285,0.0,0.1212263398254011,0.08945519911056221,0.0,0.0,0.05874496981463834,0.05280145537791544,0.0,0.05676687496312745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03574351812625376,0.0,0.05349066173910283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291815887199335,0.2843933792504241,0.1179953769410842,0.055531171586738884,0.029306758986126225,0.0,0.0,0.056464888807823486,0.0,0.10905958054657933,0.15066386918395702,0.07815766065601246,0.053446996771569166,0.0,0.09438425638127053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625819826027776,0.05045866733735985,0.035595742545563816,0.05406453355881065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372067206704717,0.0,0.0,0.05384439648969045,0.0,0.04256457165147635,0.0,0.15680396745425826,0.0,0.12338567051946946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051168056432185784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040557080570187413,0.11348595996546065,0.0,0.05921258401719213,0.057747223943841575,0.05090602053967983,0.07393953223726939,0.09312499725921866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205220099446954,0.0,0.10721539055513833,0.0,0.05671912109748348,0.0,0.0,0.06832443110656819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040834194809649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563099720784968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105321779588196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367755514301267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724479047443952,0.0,0.11666071005069233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060983311247046125,0.0,0.21256588375036287,0.03416936209837232,0.0,0.0846703063979014,0.062190029288243374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861524263132816,0.0,0.0,0.05551459515104208,0.0,0.09211366319424742,0.0,0.0,0.3145325388575683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047946779194673717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061322653252030235,0.0,0.0,0.15528882730811433,0.0,0.0,0.03788149821418356,0.0,0.0,0.06868082244020329
suicidewatch,Artificial_Supernova,2019/02/26,"I tried getting help, but it felt worse As of 16 minutes ago, I just turned 21. I've attempted suicide 24 times now. I can feel myself slipping away. I reached out to the one person I thought might help but I realized they just hurt that much more.
If I get drunk enough, can I just let the ocean sweep me away? Or is there another less painful way?",1.6190342052313866,3.7249517887323975,2.160080482897385,97.64140845070429,80.40845070422536,5.74728370221328,24.227364185110666,6.868970318607317,0.6097589537223342,271,10,62,3,7,83,56,71,0.267,0.649,0.084,-0.9599,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,13,11,5,1,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,11,0,6,7,4,7,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,3,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796272896430702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234486814776733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984414924052697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909640625540172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107214971679259,0.0,0.20359388657643196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221566728243666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842550042261937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269956965939325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682764564244625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494340015284509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587550823185328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436853684590152,0.0,0.22562798600049766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514718106358036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193988985189684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833792226296385,0.12364358606023935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439628211943312,0.2306411622653443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683093293974251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160892464736268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nievea,2019/02/26,"Any suggestions ? I think we all know how depression works. Does anyone know how to fix this; So I have friends, sure— but barely any I trust, and so very little I actually like to hang out with because I don’t see them as being real, and most are self absorbed. And yet by my not being their friends, me eating alone and sticking my nose in a book completely alone and ostracizing my self is almost like a barrier from this world, so I don’t have to face the real world. Deep down I hate it, and I’ve fallen low before because of this lonely feeling. I don’t want that to happen, not again, is there a certain perspective I could keep in mind?
 I could make friends,
But I don’t want to, because I know none of them will count. So many people have left me, you see. I don’t want to be alone, so I stick my nose in a book. But I also see the truth in how many people in my age group have trouble creating an actual trust worthy friendship, and I don’t need any of that. Been there, done that.
And yet I feel alone, even though I know I’m making the right choice in separating myself from false hope.
Hopefully the doubt and unwavering pain from my last break doesn’t crumble all my walls, god forbid i don’t become how I used to be. ❤️",4.838241469816277,4.674974582677166,5.554944881889764,85.39648556430448,68.92125984251969,8.663097112860893,26.382152230971126,8.238735603445708,1.3795210498687658,960,24,211,12,15,313,133,254,0.149,0.648,0.204,0.9414,0,6,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,3,1,17,19,1,1,9,0,24,5,3,7,4,52,47,24,0,8,5,0,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,2,7,12,1,3,7,2,0,2,11,8,0,0,2,7,35,11,24,38,4,24,0,3,3,0,12,16,0,5,7,134,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.1995969022229713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240625533984136,0.4236736747089847,0.0,0.0817833839063798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863647863260776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150790223937066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702418757057568,0.11294655863063448,0.087022217723823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722566058698324,0.0,0.0,0.16330475622088386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808295678841356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949508905671705,0.10465528839758556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464531297700616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754680274689003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341916944094423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703514347790375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043492430646093,0.0,0.0,0.10096810856578184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031496566827528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090016528300766,0.0,0.0,0.22481445182187768,0.08336176501728101,0.0,0.0,0.11111407534530836,0.0,0.0,0.09992559307098092,0.10249902835054348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652886952395454,0.2073666433190965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326114946930907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583014916814332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088199649234181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179899094059598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23280589621615155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733599418889101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444821728872117,0.0,0.2133748762104292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638602762096182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552896562944194,0.10047742372463568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832639386243275,0.0,0.08438150213556136,0.1809602871906162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744520500413037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SGT_Dakota,2019/02/26,"Things to do first I’ve searched and search online and haven’t been able to find lists of things people do most often before they take their own lives. People say goodbyes, make wills, maybe they do certain things they’ve never done before first. I don’t even know how to make a will, let alone make sure my dog is taken care of. What if I write a will, leaving the dog to my dad and my dad refuses cuz it would be too hard? Things like that I guess I just need help with ",3.3526530612244905,4.285256306122451,3.235306122448982,96.80255102040816,72.6734693877551,6.0081632653061225,19.10204081632653,5.288315135182226,-0.5446081632653064,370,5,86,1,7,111,67,98,0.035,0.833,0.132,0.8555,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,14,0,0,5,3,23,23,6,0,3,2,2,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,10,4,7,14,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,4,4,56,17,0,0.16924122336538544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528286692411188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28802363175768936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725527065572759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319253080049365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178223188084503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468341209268535,0.2879129962753557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643828796120612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160689377133466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343882456993848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301055032125573,0.0,0.0,0.17920201904039895,0.0,0.17306061733480432,0.0,0.08268271303193278,0.0,0.14944310087458346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389094923280952,0.0,0.17002555643704886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549022267767868,0.13052926484985702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346611096484701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458741366546711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595078501342679,0.0,0.12724833764064605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497453946034501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022410931085352,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodknowingyou19383,2019/02/26,"Nice knowing you This post is probably a bit different than most... Maybe that is another aspect of my narcissism.

I've lived the perfect life so to speak.  I came from a wealthy and loving family, and attained personal success (financially) far above what is expected of most.  

I say this to provide a different perspective on what we think of when we conjure up thoughts of suicidal people.

My desire towards death comes not from suffering, but from overwhelming success.  I have no where to go but down..

I don't live my life in regards to what else I can accomplish or have, I live it in fear of what I can lose.  We have all heard the expression of ""going out of top"".  This isn't just some expression, it affects people who have real gain to lose.

I'm not writing this to achieve any level of sympathy, I have plenty of people in my life for that.  I write this to try to help people understand that suffering is universal, regardless of how good you have it in life.  The human brain and spirit are truly a bewildering thing to wrap you head around.  There is no happy and secure place, you are only as good as you accept yourself to be.

I've had a great life and have no regrets.  I'm just tired of the grind.",4.138203309692674,5.702546680851067,5.1680496453900755,81.26361111111113,71.55319148936171,8.966903073286053,28.80023640661939,9.444778638647367,2.6289527186761235,950,37,182,22,18,312,131,235,0.113,0.6459999999999999,0.241,0.9888,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,5,0,10,8,18,0,2,9,0,20,9,2,2,2,38,32,13,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,17,12,0,1,5,0,0,4,7,7,0,0,4,3,21,11,38,27,5,21,1,6,0,1,20,15,0,4,1,129,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227540206848122,0.12686556233493793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770420280095856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208661834312907,0.0,0.0,0.13506165787642954,0.0,0.13837705352615148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421970569710924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528116149854263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106922833484533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405590529889575,0.1361441656882629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751955635188226,0.20295654084371104,0.0,0.13338874579880858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879305721274142,0.0,0.0,0.12416770747678675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109512771329133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664913664751122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272839648189724,0.0,0.0,0.3205015759967477,0.0,0.0,0.2707073182561366,0.0,0.0,0.10919561490555893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215478410152692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092016169670266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335508988715814,0.10564130144325776,0.12640580749271316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587223342891464,0.0,0.1304445969011943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770984949970805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621382750729736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234029100419306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037847789789376,0.07752367222111557,0.0,0.09605027248028447,0.0,0.1390569161945558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821423243013866,0.0,0.0,0.1259518765842669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iiiginger,2019/02/26,"Does it ever truly ""get better""  I have been dealing with thoughts of suicide for a long time now. And i know it's standard to tell someone like me that ""it's gonna get better"" or that ""everything has a way of working itself out in the end"" but i just don't see it anymore. So i just wanna hear it from another person dealing with what im dealing with. Does it actually get better or am i just holding on to nothing. Any advise helps. ",3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,5.468888888888892,82.57000000000005,71.44444444444444,7.333333333333332,30.555555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.8248888888888888,338,14,68,3,6,116,63,90,0.063,0.807,0.13,0.6025,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,17,13,5,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,4,13,10,0,9,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,2,6,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.15552451974265166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083787299259996,0.1671159079327744,0.0,0.0,0.15805464401240713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228559376448144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49291798838364603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27893580691594283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411566849031468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416150368948288,0.0,0.0,0.14323368009479914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979657907053654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962433201759564,0.0,0.10682399263680058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214959256241494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758692961012562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778613280029923,0.0,0.0,0.14103960154522535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292216239722714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915787453241787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699920723702005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503575822142555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432759119345856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929854439792294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265239218374759,0.0929313562154662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265024312461944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602504044471093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ztrama,2019/02/27,"Don’t wanna make it to 20. I can’t erase the pictures that other people have of me, i can’t erase myself from their memory and I really wish I could. There is no way to evade the emotions I will cause other people to feel when I commit suicide. This is the one thing that has really held me back. Cremation would be nice... but I don’t want to be seen or put in a coffin. Don’t even want to know the price of a funeral or think about who will and won’t show up. I keep think about different ways of killing myself, I have to make myself unrecognizable or go real far. Dying is much harder than I originally thought. Should I even think this much about what happens after? Should I even care? I’m running out of time, I don’t want to make it to 20 and I feel like nothing can make me care for my own life anymore. Suicide is my only goal... always has been. ",2.034711359404099,3.5639541843575446,3.6986368715083806,89.79976163873373,76.98882681564245,6.561042830540037,20.31322160148976,7.3011,0.3865103165735566,665,15,147,8,15,222,101,179,0.112,0.78,0.109,-0.6719,1,0,0,0,0,5,21.0,0,0,1,1,9,5,1,0,6,0,25,1,0,6,1,34,48,8,7,9,4,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,7,1,1,3,8,1,0,1,4,3,23,4,23,35,3,14,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,6,106,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115304271084764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329297665748403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306701629504528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733215285693199,0.137694039268018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070185068014824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391103738645792,0.14004127381545406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077480840610022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26559267971628153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355473697685723,0.09575683712841634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617693454141289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852943889634072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913921163983082,0.1482932854093629,0.0,0.07366382798070148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467506580758316,0.0654842394623493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578858592945139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970668351746113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861316083814348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082767762655393,0.10194200620874028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585026704174926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474530040111715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256468926069947,0.17173646332902798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932318268747807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904895000822842,0.25765858445995665,0.0,0.10641126998247992,0.07815868724639012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371774120199272,0.21278639121019904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541371866679705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952168122521458,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeremyf22,2019/02/27,"Ugly I feel so bad, because I come from a wealthy family, I have many advantages in this world, many people wish they had my life, but I don't want that. The only thing that I want is to be handsome. I'm fucking ugly AF. All of my family members are attractive, why was I born ugly? I can't even write a proper suicide note",2.6861764705882365,3.6407599705882383,4.811058823529415,84.79276470588236,74.29411764705883,7.792941176470588,25.364705882352943,8.238735603445708,1.5143611764705889,250,8,53,4,5,87,52,68,0.28800000000000003,0.545,0.16699999999999998,-0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,8,15,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,10,3,4,12,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819551043594652,0.14469962596999808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447475895463552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678181340992428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475459527994296,0.0,0.12002229762863195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944637365182812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766269896301142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48131542957144297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053192519980754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456369535853152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596461861225469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769925450641714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001603655703017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141910989185634,0.0,0.27296581741850223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LusciousBagel,2019/02/27,Why should I care about other people when I’m dead? Is t because my whole life and what I’ve endured up to now would feel pointless? But living doesn’t give my life any more value either ,1.4396153846153832,3.62864930769231,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,81.56410256410257,3.9,17.442307692307693,3.1291,-0.8463384615384615,149,3,31,0,4,47,35,39,0.103,0.746,0.15,0.2389,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,8,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283233041964424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467168900968574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423221865453663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976661971170978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220845201195933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743040287857697,0.0,0.0,0.2964757266124147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327686008372236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029645287099261,0.3748558248325033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385090375913617,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KittyxKult,2019/02/27,"Growing up people always said “it gets better.” I’d like to know when that might be. Each time I start meds I get hopeful like maybe this is the one. Maybe this is the time I finally get to know what it feels like to want to live. Maybe once in 25 years I will get to know what happiness is. I am 25 and have no idea what those things feel like and I am looking at AT LEAST 25 more years of not knowing, if my smoking and drinking and eating and fucking catch up to me fast enough. I’m killing myself as passively as I can, so no one will notice, so when it finally happens I won’t have to deal with all the judgment and begging me to stay in a world that has no place for me. 

And each time, I’m reminded that I’m incurable, unsaveable, unlovable, and just plain tired. 

I’ve gotten past the “why me.” Why do I have to have bipolar? Why does life have to kick me while I’m down with a new crisis everyday. Why why why. I don’t care why anymore. All that matters is that it is and there is no way out. It doesn’t stop, it’s not going to get better, so I’d like to get off this ride now please. Living life is like being forced to sit through a movie you can’t fucking stand, on repeat, forever, while everyone else is telling you how awesome it is.  And even when everything is perfectly fine, and life is just going normally, it doesn’t go away. Because I don’t want any of it. The only thing keeping me alive is that I can’t leave my cats behind without someone to care for them. They’re the only good thing in this world. And most days in the back of my head there’s the thought that if I’d never gotten them, I would be free to kill myself without having to worry about them. That’s the pain of loving something more than you love life.  

People keep telling me to choose life but this isn’t a life. Waking up exhausted every morning to struggle through my internship and schoolwork, coming home unable to take care of the housework, some random bs sending me spiraling until I’m lying staring at the walls for hours before I finally fall asleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. I don’t have the energy to do anything I enjoy, or the money, or the time. I’m 25 and I’m on mental house arrest while everyone else my age is living their lives. 

And yet I’m expected to suffer through this hell, so my loved ones don’t have to miss me? My only reason for existing is so I don’t make the people I love have to mourn? How is that fair to me? To have to suffer everyday. Shouldn’t the people who love me understand? If I had cancer, if it was something they could SEE, there would be no blaming me for dying. No guilting me. I literally have to keep hoping for a terminal fucking illness so that I can die in peace. How fucked is that? I’ve heard of people who have a suicide attempt and they are glad they survived it years later - if I could go back in time I would have done a better job. All being saved got me was 8 more years of pain. It reminds me of those cheesy vacation T-shirt’s. “I survived my suicide attempt and all I got was this stupid life.” 

I’ve done the therapy. I’ve done the meds. I’ve read articles about what it takes to be happy and tried whatever they suggest. I’ve tried, I really have, over and over and over. People get it wrong when they think I’m suicidal because I hate myself. I don’t hate myself. I have compassion for myself and I don’t deserve to suffer anymore.  Nothing matters. There are billions of people on this earth, hell knows how many have existed before me and how many will exist after me; in 50 years max no one will remember who I am or who any of us are. And one day the planet will explode or melt or whatever it’s gonna do and that will be the end of that and none of it will ever matter. The universe will probably just spontaneously create another lifeform to fuck things up with war and inequality and disease and bullshit. 

And I don’t even care to be remembered. It’d be just fine with me if everyone could just Eternal Sunshine my ass out of their brains like I never existed. I just want to go. I don’t belong here. I feel like an alien stranded here with no way home. 

I’m tired and no one will let me sleep. ",2.765458589062824,4.215680532239155,4.021080442728088,88.5758741638508,74.86166471277843,6.987166402317082,24.61914695538239,7.618777277803332,1.1076285221708848,3246,103,687,42,68,1064,326,853,0.184,0.6759999999999999,0.14,-0.9964,1,0,3,0,0,4,87.0,1,3,10,8,36,58,13,2,29,0,94,33,6,7,8,118,167,63,9,20,22,0,3,8,0,16,15,2,2,0,52,40,2,4,16,2,2,11,32,25,0,7,14,9,83,34,95,123,14,90,2,5,4,11,30,29,8,17,53,465,135,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038208233634958434,0.0,0.0,0.06245290285832411,0.04815000863791463,0.0,0.0,0.09107849239010002,0.0,0.0,0.03778737217044198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314235237547122,0.07061765548210415,0.0,0.05598351493973428,0.0,0.07814726569832614,0.0,0.0,0.12183470324310308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126071940809275,0.0,0.0,0.1872696642842293,0.0,0.0,0.03955509783110588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998760294780566,0.0,0.0,0.059227830492683785,0.04734040721007346,0.0,0.0,0.09531321278801597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018397074989749,0.14097304417873044,0.0,0.04498307622198406,0.0,0.046986535687080486,0.07671875846815161,0.0,0.04067054825277325,0.04744653628219833,0.0,0.060658048937410426,0.04153630694868179,0.03868868444611142,0.13163253483863174,0.04126897923194248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696539819714557,0.09841349217434664,0.0,0.15090585121932806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122565842076688,0.167935243511036,0.0,0.13048394899996002,0.03851462530448548,0.07345113654449657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040605963873581584,0.0977631234696244,0.0,0.09067088628088983,0.04712607643493534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212087456758107,0.09121572980186618,0.045220902760672366,0.052984287495579006,0.0,0.051836890006018085,0.0,0.0,0.04556745904145914,0.1224445817550389,0.10160499950216524,0.0,0.1261792330085196,0.0,0.0,0.048621523554039724,0.0,0.04695522364691607,0.2270373197068476,0.17946938324563094,0.0,0.1621890487187921,0.0,0.03856034165776684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721816480992755,0.0,0.03065124666220658,0.09310918864339156,0.13839523083546856,0.0,0.10201117347687053,0.0,0.04627548771580421,0.04871273508864269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083102924145138,0.04434879498476342,0.0,0.0,0.04499080823031937,0.04406045798654346,0.05227901352333214,0.0,0.048902168711929435,0.1866951584736992,0.1047702611230449,0.0977219718663278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043834820699576615,0.22284086172021936,0.0,0.04797551526700282,0.05040520304968319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950837998872825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459313627894873,0.0,0.029416846526261867,0.047212314482458384,0.0,0.0,0.1040344073247481,0.0,0.04367942391660266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03659144722434627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595209857989745,0.0,0.038906965861110816,0.07070128138656788,0.0,0.0,0.03250165957915778,0.048943476571460316,0.0,0.03839028700541284,0.0,0.048004442471730115,0.0,0.1506835906699285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905065109129474,0.0,0.080270348873155,0.0,0.052512305732031465,0.0,0.12202600402678955,0.029423000366598288,0.0,0.03645450636469615,0.1338785056389674,0.10555412505487648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062351887334218314,0.0,0.0,0.04780323228681156,0.055234826727663465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125253535143548,0.07289662884363733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900428855333122,0.0,0.0,0.08852843227807619,0.0,0.0,0.04663290894669332,0.0,0.09785848497560708,0.05020514855796737,0.0,0.14785144788616314
suicidewatch,UnwantedObstacle,2019/02/27,"hi I made a host here a little over a year ago. I've managed to survive somehow. I guess because of my dog. There is no one I trust to care about her as much as I do, though people keep telling me I'm not good enough at that. 

​

To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm making this post, maybe it's all just a cesspool of toxicity in my mind and there's just no one left that I feel like I can open up to anymore so I just pretend everything is okay. My friends would only get angry with me. Tell me that the only reason I feel like this is because I'm not getting any attention from them and that they want to distance themselves because of that. From my perspective it's the other way around, they disappear when things are really bad, and come back when things improve. Almost every day is a bad day for me and that's my normality so as far as my friends are concerned, those are my good days now and everything is okay. But then I have a really bad moment where it becomes impossible to hide. I feel like I only really exist to most people when they need something from me, and beyond that don't really care. 

​

I'm pretty alone in life now and it's the hardest thing, but people think I've coped with the change I've been forced through and I'm doing fine, but I don't feel like I am coping. I get burdened with more all the time because people think I can cope but it's all too much for me to handle. I end up having meltdowns and panic attacks regularly, but no one ever knows or sees this. I can't fix being on my own, I don't know how to without relying on others to just feel okay. Someone suggested to spend more time with my friends, which is nice, but it ultimately ends and I'm back to being at home alone and this always leads to some kind of breakdown. 

​

I'm a huge Pokemon fan so the last couple of days have been so euphoric, but that's subsided now and I feel empty. I wish I had someone to share my excitement. I wish I could feel like that all the time. After my grandma died so much of the things in my life stopped bringing me joy. Pokémon has been the only real exception besides spending time with the people I care about. 

​

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was. At what point is it okay to just quit and end it so I can finally just feel peace? I've been dealing with too much for too long and it just doesn't feel worth it anymore. No one really cares anyway. All this because I don't have the heart to leave a dog. 

​

TL;DR: Don't waste your time reading this or replying to it ill probably never log back in anyway.",3.1205779031670886,4.424225981343287,4.236521659992722,87.97356752821258,73.70149253731344,7.020313068802331,25.20003640334911,7.499876790926021,1.1084834000728063,2050,65,433,24,41,669,229,536,0.114,0.7190000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9879,0,2,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,4,3,40,34,1,1,20,4,39,4,1,5,9,89,79,39,1,7,22,0,9,5,3,1,3,0,1,0,37,23,0,2,15,2,3,4,17,6,0,4,7,10,51,28,60,67,15,61,0,0,1,0,15,22,0,7,37,295,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469112431900886,0.0,0.052992702917727084,0.1096203210605052,0.0,0.0,0.044034483027822605,0.28669922213982474,0.32152383020283204,0.03598807154012157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496675574350696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047110879535373726,0.0,0.060205238614677664,0.0,0.12207886845151936,0.13256038801522094,0.16130064804906702,0.058447049032601915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582580687543215,0.0,0.05598336483834243,0.0455867261687296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04225308504224889,0.05855604218064405,0.0,0.13651857981828294,0.05455919207725129,0.0,0.0,0.05492360744728391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061680400193136,0.05468150442672785,0.0,0.03495379885857078,0.0478700434268884,0.04458819622198771,0.0,0.09512390355056057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082587404428155,0.18903374301741369,0.0,0.05797233137237344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265982090352286,0.0,0.08294706133026489,0.0,0.0,0.0887751907348887,0.0,0.0,0.05829841028651892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627115993801152,0.0,0.0,0.053084043696053684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047038586051497126,0.0,0.05510904227323444,0.05816795769688422,0.043137650464790366,0.0,0.05603566168963959,0.057498784280427075,0.0,0.07475928652917647,0.12927255395471976,0.053040710654936166,0.0,0.04683338948394671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007509749730707,0.035325155667327884,0.0,0.053166223294344304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053435089473886685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561199636405984,0.039240225645776214,0.040815911365792316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051851310383879634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344246436043862,0.16099511706719882,0.0,0.06209135100882038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344367187365115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005483666134198,0.0,0.10136731322643837,0.05383964773731792,0.057057751980295585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056287961390830116,0.05293528705152981,0.060235645052817324,0.20341515519433398,0.054411566905827685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042171158111054485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896795253213501,0.04074114502395682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424429712517197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975476810839476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251051354172836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063335286859102,0.06781923617035064,0.05199458028914633,0.0,0.1542932039379992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031214156814852487,0.042006199452566284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047752940382955085,0.0,0.12171299808052514,0.05101392262559287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037593535789139175,0.0,0.32152383020283204,0.03407936694893659
suicidewatch,Trapsaregay08,2019/02/27,I’m feel like I’m going to eventually commit suicide I don’t really see anything for myself going into my mid 20s to early 30s. It won’t be anytime soon but maybe in the next 5-10 years.,0.6969512195121972,2.5374600975609773,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,82.17073170731706,6.051219512195122,20.006097560975608,7.1686216300943375,0.6553853658536584,148,4,30,2,4,55,35,41,0.07200000000000001,0.84,0.08800000000000001,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,5,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,5,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952040646871156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138456860553093,0.25627664517906384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40774883151409097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525726313419734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603923068237718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815132185234312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298114996105057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28586121058348124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923921837059933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310102337310009
suicidewatch,need_a_place_to_talk,2019/02/27,"I'm going to start now I'm sorry, but I had no clue where I could post this.

It's been really emotionally rough lately. I've been through worst in the past, but the thoughts are still there. Just had a fight with a family member and it's been too damn hard recently to get out of bed.

I decided that I'm going to kill myself. I have no clue how, but I had this ""bucket list"" that I believe I must do before I go.

First, gotta get rid of most of these stuff. I don't want to give anyone the hassle of having to sort through my belongings, deciding whether they should donate it, sell it, whatever. Hopefully I sell most of it cover my own funeral cost.

Second, a suicide letter. I used to write a lot of these back then as a coping method. I would write about all the shit I went through. But not this one. It's going to be sweet, maybe not short, but simple. Thank everyone, and say goodbye.

Third, finish up projects and movie/show lists that I had been putting off. But this list getting shorter by the day because I have been losing interest in a lot of things lately, so this one should be easy.

Fourth, spend less money on myself, so my family will be able to have an easier time paying for my funeral, and so I could pay off as much of my student debt as possible.

Ultimately, the goal is to leave this place with as little negative impact as possible. And quietly as possible. And I'm going to start this bucket list now.

Thanks for reading.",2.631134020618557,4.4291275360824764,3.9935862542955327,87.16266804123711,76.04467353951891,7.54259793814433,22.636563573883162,8.364918446050245,1.2643695120274918,1127,32,234,21,25,371,162,291,0.175,0.726,0.099,-0.97,1,0,1,0,1,2,42.0,0,0,1,3,13,11,4,0,13,0,27,1,1,2,2,40,50,24,4,8,10,0,2,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,20,9,0,0,3,1,9,7,6,6,0,5,11,5,24,5,40,28,9,34,0,1,0,0,7,11,2,6,15,169,44,6,0.11457246769279175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011173335336205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809915551938667,0.0,0.06984231288232792,0.0,0.09749273134558227,0.12908393677649407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829535852122961,0.0,0.0,0.0738897633180861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887860512183386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947890277569967,0.0,0.0,0.21601745170452805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745528249011642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957815669580354,0.10990835096730224,0.32557086856683826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263442672663516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113796312137061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675746017873524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584854679657904,0.12131570032829515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483171189542232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817728484599436,0.0,0.19481082976438907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510344338374108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422394663129505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527453853481082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937238455771407,0.0,0.0,0.11970384323227755,0.0,0.0,0.3874897274820566,0.10972875329441052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517697515917287,0.0,0.0,0.1146034726296988,0.0,0.07339805659970783,0.0,0.11312648972114007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111262491143723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760699163604928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825449739599284,0.16218996466842586,0.0,0.09149772069875343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115806428551166,0.12532368379192646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096586991005287,0.0,0.0,0.07611685656209438,0.0,0.0,0.0909577414792458,0.06680812727904538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895382596296287,0.0,0.0,0.06757780991548798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620982540365324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138899380427,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arkangel420,2019/02/27,"Thoughts of Killing myself...  I lay here in the dark contemplating death. My SO is on the couch because she's mad at me for watching a porno today.
After she caught me she started to accuse me of cheating and then she left. A meltdown ensued, I've got bipolar disorder type 2 and I've had  major depression for the last 5/6 years. I struggle with it every day, I take meds everyday for it and sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. She called me ""the problem"" today and it just hit really close to home I guess....I wanted to slit my wrists earlier but I didn't because I'm a pussy which only makes me feel more worthless... idk if any of this makes sense anymore I just really don't know what to do and suicide is starting to looking like a really good choice again... please help me...
",2.378565400843879,4.5375385443038,3.5293924050632945,88.51961603375533,78.1139240506329,6.2386497890295365,25.090295358649787,7.3011,1.1876290295358651,622,23,124,8,15,201,104,158,0.171,0.7440000000000001,0.085,-0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,1,8,0,7,2,1,2,0,20,22,9,3,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,7,0,0,5,3,20,2,16,16,2,17,0,2,2,0,7,5,0,2,12,74,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785981508932596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145957641103116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933736077296021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195790718117015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228992653191528,0.0,0.13661002372143935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178008694665404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363524061878448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019766652768266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303401998784056,0.12685440777288515,0.0,0.17472611019168674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631252184608543,0.0,0.15909813702761988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754777753616284,0.0,0.08716756542949332,0.12928781130528302,0.0,0.0,0.17232955184702725,0.0,0.0,0.07748852977651875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319192961848406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211745981111094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617926156644406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062957817698745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410546609216968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176775281805147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048276843782401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443920195774145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686872916726546,0.0,0.22452906634343436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581295829315873,0.0,0.17349291474381173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925451208249042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591812824420873,0.0,0.0,0.30068628676903153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355191979280587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213923836890232
suicidewatch,throwaway_53823,2019/02/27,"I'm a total fucking failure I can't believe how fucking horribly the past six months of my life have gone. Just recently, my best friend who I thought I was really close with informed me that she talked with her other friends and confirmed that I was making her absolutely miserable. Just like that, she cut contact with me, and told me a day later that she needed some space to decide whether or not she would attempt to give me another chance to redeem myself. This is the last straw in a line of what I would enumerate as probably like 20-30 fucking horrible things that has happened in my life. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm deciding on whether I should ask a friend to move in with him a couple hours south of where I currently live (Ontario, Canada) or just ending my life right now because I know I'll just fuck everything up again in the future.",11.9083429672447,6.79441429479769,10.797196531791908,69.00731695568405,59.231213872832356,14.307899807321773,44.44026974951831,11.20814326018867,4.722811946050097,695,27,137,12,6,222,110,173,0.112,0.7709999999999999,0.118,0.0143,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,12,5,1,8,0,11,7,0,3,1,31,28,9,0,4,9,0,0,2,3,3,3,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,5,0,26,6,19,20,5,25,0,1,0,4,17,11,4,3,14,97,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147600993124388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315932571048032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580707083396144,0.0,0.0,0.15859031652014274,0.14772079734176055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575022543066652,0.0,0.09077969920071084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467315132101013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650760596266986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326256591899988,0.5205279668684866,0.0,0.13503151982645015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447517174055565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862199293980645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471797933648435,0.1147396329095017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982726110663588,0.13753818510022908,0.0,0.1242952251826962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395957707637527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235470493951573,0.14960748900851434,0.10347610003528336,0.10437307172205204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437304066426034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176499986257014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017559673800307,0.0,0.13898527004759945,0.0,0.0,0.12020978575660415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583533591451212,0.11313898185749208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351586786202687,0.0,0.0,0.1117491251922964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450390712469956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998625097751974,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shaman_lord,2019/02/27,"I feel im fucking going insane You know, most of the time I try to just not look at the current state of my life and how my future seems. I just try to focus on the present and hope that things get better. But as more times passes, i feel that each day i´m losing hope that i didnt even think before I had. And each day that passes i feel that im going more insane and my desire to kill myself is increasing.

And I mean, I can see why. Im a nobody. I´m a unlikeable piece of fucking garbage that no one will ever desire even as a friend. And with very good reason: I´m fucking disgusting, i´m unfunny, a hypocrite,a coward,  a liar and never care for others if they dont benefit me. Why wouldnt I kill myself? Im just wasting air on this planet that is already so contaminated. I´m a college dropout, working a dead end job with glorified minimum wage. I have no future, other than the fact that im studying Japanese but who fucking cares because i´ll probably mess that up too, or never amount to nothing even if i master the language because my social skills are next to null. And thats fucking right, i have no reason to be alive. I already have the date in which im going to kill myself and end with my pathetic existence for once and for all. I´ts pretty far away, but at least it brings me comfort the fact that when that day arrives i´ll finally stop being a pussy and do it.",3.764537366548048,4.775754306049826,5.006937722419932,84.18990836298934,71.77580071174377,7.470533807829182,26.50551601423488,7.7348632917899725,1.4596048398576509,1084,35,217,13,20,360,152,281,0.16899999999999998,0.727,0.105,-0.952,3,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,1,1,6,11,21,10,0,15,0,15,6,0,3,6,49,38,22,4,7,10,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,20,16,0,1,9,0,1,7,9,12,0,1,2,5,26,9,26,32,10,37,0,1,2,5,5,10,5,7,19,145,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851777920833195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882950199499371,0.0,0.0,0.10229281343354983,0.0,0.07139515694063052,0.0,0.0,0.0742052643056011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710891219585962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233121717662838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833353092574756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862606641042989,0.0,0.0,0.1662511497324835,0.07589494339528394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272714260685501,0.0,0.0,0.09191148561874027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482314406480193,0.3878342256960953,0.04383578311754485,0.0,0.1430517922873647,0.07037374100172049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666894961618278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5437769410835648,0.0,0.08326064541296962,0.0,0.27847826103396806,0.0,0.04611081942683812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592630736597231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045727370598365,0.0938658425248678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913948151139982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942212126733765,0.0,0.08923164698954598,0.0,0.0,0.08050706022060364,0.0,0.0,0.08935381113405166,0.056854751603382665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853593756121515,0.09046147750879874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253223497378067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165258683099372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685971911933339,0.07638201558808104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552840300986038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014655065035771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574133420075157,0.05376156696119718,0.0,0.0,0.09784886865236436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392907332051105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922864925109026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141856776704088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108228376941709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DelectablePuns,2019/02/27,"My family is the only thing stopping me And at the same time they make me want to end it even more.

I’m transgender, 14 years old, with unsupportive parents. Even though they’re transphobic and don’t know how to help me, I love them a lot. I don’t want to inflict pain on them. I’ve already caused them so much pain just by coming out as trans.

Well, I hate myself. I want to die every single day. My body disgusts me, and no one will ever see me the way I want to be seen. I don’t see a point in going on like this, when all that follows is pain.

The way I see it, I have a few options right now. I could tell my parents about the suicidal thoughts I’m having. Then I would likely get hospitalized which would be scary but I don’t know, it could help. If I did this it would hurt my parents a lot. I could kill myself. This would end my pain, but be the worst option as far as causing my family and friends pain. Or I could just try to endure everything I’m going through. That’s what I want to do, but it’s so hard.

I wonder if things would be easier if I just pretended that being trans was a phase, and went back to acting like a girl. Maybe then my parents would treat me normally again, instead of treating me like the freak I actually am.",2.1380189022173717,3.4619573893129783,3.5978516902944366,91.48922391857508,76.25190839694656,6.822537259178481,22.018175209014906,7.447530270364453,0.5765915667030166,964,25,221,12,21,318,138,262,0.187,0.6890000000000001,0.124,-0.9707,4,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,4,0,17,20,3,0,13,0,28,7,1,4,2,50,53,22,3,19,10,4,1,4,1,7,5,0,0,1,15,8,0,1,4,1,0,6,5,11,1,1,5,5,38,9,21,32,9,30,0,1,4,1,14,8,0,9,18,156,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.08016270730845372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065022268309658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631652515047675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124575695657176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687732687666792,0.0,0.07076155915231863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26234778654809165,0.0,0.0,0.05297741455180687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525464370603686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551405830085815,0.0,0.0,0.10851339911421992,0.07430581650101906,0.0692116006045121,0.0,0.07382758418512711,0.0,0.15487999386478646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346584413155519,0.0,0.042917927213490234,0.0,0.09337100077480112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358673688772123,0.08110222998756979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012154828620027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793905891393612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088244722769737,0.0,0.09029065531275343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052966715934938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967528956860706,0.07414002862155304,0.0,0.05483313460735288,0.0,0.08252676098352442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060386807799981325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048570000999443,0.0,0.0,0.08619847416064944,0.0,0.05566429792099282,0.062475782190516374,0.43704601125158216,0.0,0.36485392439366615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765458103617573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015228855441767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637932902785094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867778652469235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985445955244156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717992793775655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914838763554302,0.0,0.08070808934847756,0.06521479783739681,0.04790002965709242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577178424255262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24225938002968986,0.13040744168927884,0.0,0.0,0.07385917555183079,0.0761502229430894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908390068753101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35012523557518443,0.0,0.0,0.05289937099902852
suicidewatch,suicideisforthedogs,2019/02/27,"I feel really bad I thought maybe I could talk to someone, which means taking up a lot of some stranger's time but perhaps giving me a whole new lease on life?",4.803636363636365,4.8563676969696985,4.790454545454548,90.10568181818184,69.0,7.8121212121212125,28.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,1.2677393939393946,126,4,28,1,2,39,30,33,0.079,0.82,0.102,0.1787,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471061787336317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23629227118658774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496413882665971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839025410986152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903848309069856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516064025930738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29732190300595485,0.32237668979983003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858306902909144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959337117664804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507577694732639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225178302278865,0.2378736793300932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349515183448725,0.17257102789398945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33041799455636456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamtiired,2019/02/27,"Suicidal thoughts I'm 15 years olds. Female. I've been feeling like this for the past 4(?) years. I don't know how to completely described it. I feel numb... all the time. A few months ago I hit peak depression. On New Year's Eve, my mom asked me to come down to take my antidepressants that I had been taking for a few months already. That night I guess something snapped inside me and i refused to take my meds. I got into a fight with my mom. We fought for about thirty minutes while she tried to get me to take my meds. I'm not even sure now why I didn't take them, something just felt weird. Like fifteen minutes after this huge fight, she came into my room and apologized, and I broke down. I told her all the stuff that I never told her before or my doctor or therapist. We hugged for a good thirty minutes and just talked. Since then we haven't gotten into a fight. But also since then, I've felt numb. I can't tell whether I'm suicidal anymore. 

Most of the times, I want to die and end it all, but I know I won't do it because of 1. my parents and friends and 2. i'm too much of a pussy to do it. I feel so conflicted with my thoughts. My depression has gotten worse and better at the same time. 

I have always felt left out in school. One of the only things I'm confident about is my kindness. I think that once people got to know me, they'd like me (I hope that doesn't sound too self-centered). I try to talk to people, but I feel like people don't find me important or interesting. In the morning during school, I'll go to the band room, and sit near our instrument lockers by myself while everyone is talking with each other. I've tried going over a few times and tried talking to people but I feel invisible. It sounds cliche. I explained this to some of my friends and all they told me was the social anxiety isn't real. Great advice. 

OCD has also affected my life drastically. I can't focus or do things. It's simple things like erasing. When I erase, I have to erase it, write it again, then erase it and touch my pencil tip two times on the paper then start writing. It doesn't sound bad but during class when I take notes, I get stuck behind and eventually miss notes then fail tests which give me bad grades. And I'm too scared to ask for help. I'm pathetic. 

Does this make sense? I feel like it doesn't. I don't know what else to do. Recently, though, I have found through art that I can ""express myself"" or whatever. I like art. It's the only future I see myself having. That or being six feet underground in about two-three years. 

I planned to kill myself February 15, 2019. I've made it. I don't know how long I'll last. I'm sorry this is so long. 


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suicidewatch,throneyawait,2019/02/27,"""You know why"" If anyone says this im gone",-4.691333333333334,-5.8614647999999985,-1.3099999999999987,110.3916666666667,147.0,1.3333333333333337,3.333333333333333,3.1291,-3.260666666666667,32,0,9,0,3,11,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789648319634312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5854311173636925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978578880430411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310040382849972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890524107596145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,INeededHelp,2019/02/27,I wrote a suicide note today and I just want someone to tell me it will be okay I just can’t take it anymore. I hate myself and I hate my life and I just want to die. I wish somebody would help me,-1.8753333333333304,-0.015607977777776227,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.44444444444444,3.0,16.38888888888889,3.1291,-1.302111111111111,151,4,39,0,6,51,30,45,0.3,0.512,0.188,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,4,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,11,11,3,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625452140054572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747523283740407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227404762195702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177445769992969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869896115362416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430844890486304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895762729587978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990471898714772,0.0,0.23138938041409585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509370897969255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31229420869139435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044312925740201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880595971375803,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrapeNasty71,2019/02/27,"Reddit made me wait Thoughts.


You ever hold the gun to your head and think this is it. It's that time? Why am i here? For money? For power? Well i pulled the trigger. I took the hollow points out. Still the felling, heart racing million miles per hour. Fuck it. Its not the end. You can drink till you think its the end, its not. We are all beautiful we are all free. Remember that. All love. The man who thought about the ""easy"" way out.",-0.9104545454545452,1.002764772727275,-0.035909090909092,105.11613636363636,105.8181818181818,3.1090909090909093,13.454545454545453,5.148860815047168,-1.3823318181818178,332,7,78,2,16,100,63,88,0.06,0.7929999999999999,0.147,0.8611,1,0,1,1,0,0,20.0,2,4,0,1,5,4,1,0,8,0,5,5,2,2,4,20,14,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,5,1,2,5,1,2,3,2,1,1,1,4,0,10,4,7,10,3,15,0,0,0,2,9,4,1,0,7,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102324972677521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801550112862427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412370763637607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840008957721275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22024800363709846,0.0,0.0,0.2543095287153438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134400122311192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369058733222505,0.2030656939193449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028723442596868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24310713151008725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138488856626022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750221355984939,0.0,0.340746900985297,0.12513867407404952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384355237481299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703445118845451,0.0,0.0,0.19295685958703848,0.0,0.1936488286632965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thisguy2714,2019/02/27,"I dont think I'm suicidal, but I keep saying I want to kill myself I dont know. Life has been tough recently and I've always had this small habit of saying I hate myself or I want to die under my breath. But now I'm saying it many many times a day and will even mutter it when infront of other people on reflex (it is quiet enough where they dont notice).

I dont know what's going on and I dont know if I actually want to die. I just cant stop saying it. ",0.33460470085470106,1.5963294903846192,3.326282051282053,91.79649572649576,81.01923076923076,5.776068376068378,15.401709401709402,6.42735559955562,-0.5584880341880338,353,4,85,3,9,127,62,104,0.227,0.6890000000000001,0.085,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,0,11,2,1,0,0,17,23,8,4,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,7,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,5,14,0,8,20,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,6,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.11540717802351268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840390586671367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626955373251278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24547568748282897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6930140718856878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219681586492526,0.0,0.07811129133478377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721132600467099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675977282384373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051171780758775,0.13083997682440146,0.0,0.19498199502126234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353232839853693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23979930404862734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346426839488264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819883535705117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167699894938645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761884693812356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988727776523102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936002235894506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577785945440682,0.0,0.0,0.06895983725570398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092629278951796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reid_ballantyne,2019/02/27,"Frustrated Today was very hard and on days like today I can’t help but but think about how easy it would be to decide to just not go through this anymore. But everyday I live I go through this, most days for the ones I love, some days for me. Some I don’t really know.. some days I just don’t know about living life.. today was one of those days. I’m 20. ",-0.7111842105263158,1.4271765657894733,1.0371578947368434,101.16310526315792,92.55263157894736,4.618947368421053,14.178947368421055,6.2581,-0.8699378947368421,273,5,67,3,10,88,48,76,0.046,0.7809999999999999,0.173,0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,17,14,5,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,2,1,7,2,10,10,4,12,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,10,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760487410389125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5724175224620033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177351947231464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901998227618694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898561749936645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511693295283425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538520583211393,0.08672563122832759,0.0,0.3135007737605662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602156385238847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405796490831945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372166271927067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374545265727586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047948663554653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646976438764295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610268079641293,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Just1Kartoffel,2019/02/27,Is it true That some people actually think people are so worthless they should kill themselves. I don’t know any more I’ve been asked before why don’t you just kill yourself and you should kill your self  and if your killed yourself nobody would care and I don’t know at this point if there just make if light of suicide or if they want me to kill my self it’s not just that though they call me names and slurs that belittle me and act like I’m worthless and nothing compared to them I feel like they actually think that I’m worthless at this point and going by what they said I’m starting to Agree.,5.812787456445996,5.5567343902439035,5.269361207897795,88.58048780487806,66.88617886178862,8.00418118466899,28.14053426248548,6.868970318607317,1.1142436701509881,482,13,105,3,7,146,70,123,0.275,0.629,0.097,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,4,6,0,6,12,5,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,1,29,24,14,6,8,9,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,9,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,2,3,17,4,7,19,2,7,0,3,0,0,16,4,0,6,3,63,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.2521808683165915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786730949246123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079401611359453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994829170201173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193797470590604,0.0,0.1317383243781316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653325168370185,0.0923077324869259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343308641128986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7147592448577572,0.0,0.14202100092522082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262510717703423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624875557530319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398059084829825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915605033724086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442906475090911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290840886737063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695886607477541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145558494659567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413348949459891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558524975362965,0.12694828265814911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621147396962177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659203208836323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178715898732068,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seemslikeit45,2019/02/27,"Not sure how to get help Hey guys,

​

So I'm feeling a bit stuck on who to reach out for help to. I've been feeling suicidal for these past few months. 

I've tried reaching out to friends but as I'm quite shy and introverted  I don't have much to choose from. My former best friend basically cut contact with me  for a month after I confided that I'd been having panic attacks and trouble sleeping. Many of my friendships are based on me being the listener and the caregiver. It's funny because I used to feel assured because I have always helped people in need that should I ever need help there'd be no problem, needless to say that's certainly not the case! Honest to god if I felt there was any friend that I coud trust to reach out to I would.

​

As far as family goes I'm an only child, my mom passed away a few years ago and my dad has actively encouraged me to kill myself and is well aware of past attempts. If I confessed to him the politest response I could expect is rolling his eyes.  I grew up far from extended family so I wouldn't even have their numbers to call. 

​

I saved up and started seeing a therapist but accidentally left her card at my dads and he made an app with her to quiz her about what I'd said about him and to complain about me. This might sound stupid but opening up to a therapist was a big deal to me. My parents drummed into me to NEVER reveal anything about them or anything that happened at home to anyone else - this ranged from being berated for weeks as they overheard me excitedly tell a friend as a child that I had been to the cinema (I genuinely haven't a clue why things like this were an issue) to not being permitted to confide in anyone when my mom got cancer. I've been depressed for years, during my teen years my parents and said therapy wasn't an option as they were afraid that a therapist would turn me against them. With her illness I couldn't discuss it with my parents and was forbidden to speak of it with anyone else. In hindsight I was so dumb not to reach out to someone as they feared outside judgement far more than they cared about me but I was naive I guess. The thoughts of going back to that therapist after the issue with my dad is not an option. The trouble is I find a lot of therapists don't really want to take on a severe case, Ive been turned away once before from a therapist that didn't deal with suicidal patients.

​

I guess my point is I'm in a bit of a tight spot. I feel in my heart if I reach out again and it doesn't go well I could really struggle to ask for help again. I'm so afraid and alone",6.482477720766942,5.685712321361059,6.656475155279505,80.9891847826087,65.67296786389414,9.749959492303539,32.503443154199296,8.942964678507748,2.4828271131514987,2074,72,425,29,28,667,246,529,0.171,0.6829999999999999,0.146,-0.9741,3,1,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,7,3,19,32,5,5,28,0,43,5,3,4,5,78,77,33,3,15,13,8,6,1,4,5,2,7,1,3,20,26,0,1,10,2,0,4,15,15,2,0,22,15,62,17,88,43,8,51,1,1,2,0,52,28,1,10,20,287,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052952953416289965,0.0,0.0,0.06186917420920216,0.0,0.0,0.049705694624937034,0.2588986268036361,0.2903463689328081,0.04062298387796293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530780527785482,0.12241455499449765,0.09831637859669806,0.0,0.055845722345213664,0.06795908568999973,0.11224913525521224,0.04593381170218415,0.0,0.0728298388303147,0.0,0.05083150613145377,0.0,0.06268994942796673,0.0,0.13043394337912653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099781876021765,0.0,0.06090551603587959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538973993379336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317176693827232,0.05145110611035487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980464464426934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039455506970476686,0.054035237764821435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262883159870865,0.06722036123542349,0.12081862041785407,0.0,0.05735657090704641,0.0,0.054598233917405724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846096114183282,0.0,0.031209944396781382,0.0,0.06789945208578001,0.0,0.04777687183626948,0.0,0.13161335297112875,0.0591486948241755,0.05282493976389408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707882412576499,0.20020115264440608,0.0,0.059920750375239036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469912626005485,0.0,0.0,0.06608977433859589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649040664549698,0.0,0.0,0.029184319417121712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078598040576312,0.0,0.056524281276163525,0.0,0.06056360707093325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337116648193261,0.0,0.13992573122933782,0.09536247972391858,0.0,0.0439133256450498,0.08858796737684876,0.04607260234904336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636176036745217,0.0,0.045432429171429006,0.0,0.07008811095032426,0.198991507149742,0.0,0.11405082121558767,0.04141388524655845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647046149825704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715992532359253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635373013959327,0.0,0.0,0.07653768055507247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364650495674165,0.0475049974281845,0.0,0.0,0.0476023916466463,0.0,0.0,0.06748543343431136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059779810844162576,0.0,0.0506146864142344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228192230187701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624497374292914,0.0,0.13068444207403668,0.0,0.05630110427144552,0.0,0.044914541320966575,0.0,0.05221248234929745,0.0,0.0683140879451578,0.4161532665993604,0.039686389001946966,0.0,0.0,0.047424243119381815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040557277532551214,0.12995268571180354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515933028210834,0.0,0.0,0.035234235533857565,0.0,0.0479171532016028,0.0,0.1074208803560386,0.0,0.05390305299186245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487043250290617,0.0,0.2903463689328081,0.11540537029841284
suicidewatch,fratboi1206,2019/02/27,"I want to end things, but I don't want suicide to be the way i'm remembered I'm not sure anymore. I feel like everything that I could've said, I have. No more mental wards, no more talks about people caring. The one thing holding me on at this point is I don't want people to remember me as a coward",3.6510000000000034,3.5459039076923102,5.089038461538461,87.51971153846155,71.46153846153845,8.346153846153845,25.48076923076923,8.07648339933343,1.2156923076923072,234,6,54,3,4,79,46,65,0.173,0.598,0.229,0.4672,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,10,13,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,8,3,7,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309941651589455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879989638140226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351037730549392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138562470139524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405455299620568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354938709217514,0.14630400887102646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005141187321942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063829628143884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387728934215879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839550671613584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935953798092756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639806143196536,0.0,0.19480483873658616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240100711702816,0.0,0.19301477933642427,0.0,0.0,0.16460468581131196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721104573345029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623762775877349,0.16255498302174096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tico483,2019/02/27,"I tried to hang myself an hour ago I'm 21, I had just withdrawn from my Chemistry Class. I didn't even take basic Chemistry because my Narcissistic parents forced me to be in this class. They did the same shit to me in College Algebra last year. And when they found out about it because they cursed me out. My mom called me stupid and an idiot. And my dad even said that you should drop out and learn a trade, he kept cursing me out to. It's living Hell. 
 
I took a Stats Math Class and I passed with a C, they were not impressed. Now the same thing has happened this year when they tried to force me to take a Chem Class without even learning the basics.

Ever since I got to College, my Mental Health has been decreasing. I don't know what to do anymore, If I kill myself, who's going to be there for my little brother. My parents have made life fucking shit for me.

 And when they found out that I withdrew from Chem Class, they're going to be worse for me. I just want to move out, but I don't have a License or a Job.

Also, I tried to talk with a Counselor today. But I still feel suicidal. It's just fucking blows for me",2.113706896551726,3.7993864051724167,2.921068965517243,94.78082758620691,77.1896551724138,5.329655172413793,22.37586206896552,5.6839178017228535,0.06137344827586232,874,25,194,4,20,275,122,232,0.128,0.867,0.005,-0.9752,3,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,6,0,15,9,8,0,12,0,16,6,2,1,1,36,34,14,2,3,9,5,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,10,14,0,1,6,0,1,6,5,8,0,0,12,2,38,1,30,18,2,28,1,0,0,2,17,9,5,2,12,133,48,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538131667589845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409100705197256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908635181344025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869186051764406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329105968383366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579135657597649,0.11773954950513407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581413596134354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854332077197044,0.0,0.24066650542606904,0.0,0.0,0.1479488428462103,0.0,0.10410294466084664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151023825879391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383567875056225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818396989013034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291663244463123,0.0,0.14400566333009016,0.0,0.07153397662282023,0.10609991487038216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919377139349571,0.0,0.1304571487903971,0.11493598572936482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316302636665134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117331503546367,0.0,0.0,0.15244489744657228,0.0,0.13834227498613968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890603906674073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238144667251837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722013550799795,0.10767187142797854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394804332491464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237678942114407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957321955119858,0.10461979038288832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647426671668658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337895238072585,0.0,0.14461546966077504,0.2651156421271123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677329073612313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254721290905144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326468386313138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764093051706538
suicidewatch,usermane4,2019/02/27,"Suicide seems... I find myself thinking of suicide. Tonight while driving home i thought about driving off the road. But it’s not like I’d do it. Just seemed appealing. An end to the emptiness and dull aching depression. It comes and goes. Do I really not know why or does it just feel like it? Is there a reason and I just didn’t notice or did it truly just come out of nowhere. If im completely honest when I picture how much pain the people who love me would be in, it makes me feel loved and I like it just a little. ‘They’ll be sorry they didn’t..’ What? Pay more attention to me? Listen? Talk? Hug me more? Ugh. It happened slowly; depression. I think the thing that makes it different from just feeling sad is the hopelessness. And the muffled inward anger. Self brutality. I feel dull and hollow. And blindsided. Unnerved. Like this feeling could take over at any time without warning. But suicide. It feels like a real option now. ",0.7240000000000002,3.179376733333335,1.8277777777777795,92.645,98.33333333333334,4.622222222222223,21.0,6.42735559955562,0.5872000000000002,732,27,141,10,30,230,114,180,0.293,0.594,0.113,-0.9908,1,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,2,0,11,19,2,0,10,0,11,4,0,4,0,46,32,15,3,3,14,0,6,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,16,10,0,0,15,0,1,4,4,10,0,0,3,7,15,9,12,24,3,17,0,6,0,3,8,7,0,6,11,91,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290823301109243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004264766986908,0.1278284139616108,0.0,0.0,0.09734138202472968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100151139507899,0.0,0.0,0.12737807264482465,0.0,0.0,0.1066910218024996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798291630667964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698715866284296,0.17419609267558722,0.0,0.0,0.111430590948638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781144063417017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229341766804112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316920630337206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700279264944957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29781420805691555,0.12219358831580575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007101166990906,0.0,0.16276205486336207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962355512360111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880413676254805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297290541029999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452239890184278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876906102192232,0.07810361583299222,0.12535172557100482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197863391759529,0.12718677532934367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364769103915212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000746058049846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166695554939544,0.0979928483357561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099671842489163,0.15623990934821694,0.0,0.09678905446060428,0.07109120526148888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001178276032383,0.0,0.0,0.1175243352269441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660685309136364,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maymegod,2019/02/27,"Typical, angsty 17/M. Help me please.  Hope I'm not wasting anyone's time that could be spent on someone with a worse situation, but I just wanted to get this out. I have a history of mental problems going back to practically the third grade, just for some background.

I feel like every day my mental health goes farther down the gutter and I'm verging on a total breakdown.

First, I hate having to exist. It's unlikely I'll actually commit, first of all, but I think about suicide maybe 5-6 times every day. Not the act of killing myself, or some mental soap opera episode of my whole family weeping all over me and fantasizing that they care, but literally the idea of nothing. Just going to sleep and never waking up. Phasing out of existence, kind of. Sleeping forever. Never being born in the first place. All the same thing. I'm practically infatuated with the idea.

Similarly, I also wish that I could abandon my life track. Like, go live in Tibet as a monk away from society, go live in the rocky mountains or Siberian woods hunting as one of those mountain people, etc. I'm on the path to go to college, get a job, and probably live out the rest of my life overworked and underpaid and suicidal just like I am now. I try my ass off and do well in school, but sometimes I wonder why I work so hard in the first place. Feels like it's all for nothing.

I'm also really, really badly social traumatized. Last year, an often dramatic girl at my school falsely accused me of ""raping"" her. When I went to the school office about it, and they brought her in, she denied ever saying anything, and said I didn't rape her. Turns out that this was all orchestrated by another girl I thought was my ""friend"" who would help me with going to the school so that she could have leverage to manipulate me into doing things for her. I won't go into that. Needless to say I cut these people off. Anyways, because of this incident, I'm terrified of being direct with girls about how I feel. Before this incident, I had maybe 4-5 girlfriends, and more meaningless sex in-between that. Now, I flirt like hell, and it's often reciprocated, but for the life of me I can't work up the ability to actually be honest with anyone because I'm subconsciously terrified something like this would happen again. I ignore people out of paranoia in the hallways, I'm nice but really abrasive, and I find my voice faltering(really unusual for me) when I say hi afterwards.

I know all teenagers go through stupid shit, and maybe it's just my hormones, but I've had on and off suicidal thoughts since I was 9 so I feel like there's something much worse under the surface.

Anyways, please help me. Tell me what I need to do. I can't imagine doing it today, but I'm scared that one of these days I might snap and really end it all for good.",5.2945629084967365,6.171343121323531,6.137892156862744,77.9714869281046,68.15441176470588,8.98562091503268,30.18464052287581,9.150863307647796,2.5348314542483656,2214,82,415,40,36,730,265,544,0.182,0.698,0.12,-0.9945,1,0,2,0,0,2,77.0,0,0,2,6,27,30,8,1,23,0,27,12,5,2,12,89,67,35,4,10,17,0,5,7,2,4,4,5,0,3,27,27,0,2,13,1,2,11,8,14,1,7,12,10,56,16,74,44,16,68,2,2,0,4,24,33,3,9,31,283,83,10,0.0,0.0,0.12623963903796806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345155409387656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782419881393825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045362594832436,0.0,0.0532273682859994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060770404151305885,0.04973608562783288,0.05400635583218926,0.07885849151407483,0.0,0.055039197659825005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594710624948673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549287582791087,0.0,0.0,0.12514266137091182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057288615902674735,0.0,0.07213697706810983,0.0,0.0585081253394801,0.10899391713323804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097596742978095,0.0,0.13081965175237786,0.13862544261208942,0.0,0.0,0.0591177247568901,0.2200722241314313,0.0,0.0,0.049972771151421416,0.0,0.06758683459680798,0.0,0.2940799239494171,0.05425177851035366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719764221651175,0.0,0.057941924709098536,0.0638595962048139,0.0,0.06875341632417058,0.0,0.0,0.13006395030229406,0.0,0.0,0.06424333004344178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603509461869493,0.0,0.0,0.06418641426868424,0.0,0.07156050312001992,0.06735583512861443,0.035547264176485585,0.0527240603844318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370593818204777,0.2212008167864893,0.0,0.17134486467804447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949437999413872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555123464156005,0.06861685642193686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754834932153591,0.04796051718522098,0.09977272996136548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412729911576285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765972498669587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345260364734417,0.0,0.1351568142028585,0.14200174037795155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973760342521375,0.06189146589460048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574651624924025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061526924202152236,0.15431198929170198,0.06475747137048805,0.2618445493530041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639463649745428,0.05350521023328575,0.07270472288777448,0.12945643658915185,0.06593464991894872,0.05480443020592106,0.09958996687254704,0.06397166341933437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225320826937136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056534487270580476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594303710120632,0.04144529737415992,0.0,0.10269978167340213,0.07543261270545468,0.0,0.06131050475805056,0.0,0.0,0.04391449682576274,0.07035490485782811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815082812863633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581564419065083,0.05996040415655113,0.058364998676506664,0.07221459163352234,0.07438053986743744,0.0,0.07014433422024749,0.09417781356497648,0.0,0.13183196119139695,0.0918957722386239,0.0,0.0,0.04165276925189797
suicidewatch,Throwaway1253050,2019/02/27,"I give up I’m done. There is only one person that would truly miss me, and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t keep doing this. My life is getting worse. The man I love doesn’t love me back. He’s just keeping me around while he looks for someone new. I changed my appearance to make myself feel better, and I look the same. I wasted all that money on plastic surgery.  I’m done acting like I love life and am happy. I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. ",1.1372549019607838,2.6868425294117664,2.596666666666668,96.63166666666667,79.58823529411767,4.925490196078432,18.196078431372552,5.033348758259628,-0.6573215686274511,366,7,86,1,9,119,71,102,0.099,0.603,0.299,0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,11,7,2,1,2,20,28,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,2,3,17,6,7,24,2,12,0,2,2,3,9,4,0,1,6,55,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027919353605065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980663263364114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493012142448709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858157186438214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478329437240796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345508235526018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535683026680972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819772704899931,0.16194063215784638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179704377987383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807176072706346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000971684932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847496373952065,0.08247341313198757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28352049184447303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570804625704309,0.0,0.1126838632090372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130198847994009,0.16304046626953586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439193067242845,0.1283897509169522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740083647738866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303454822859965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995701706125372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412640322987654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203467803835035,0.11991977853689785,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abcdfghijklm,2019/02/27,"It's always going to be like this I'm going to wake up every day feeling like this. 

My brother  recently passed away  and I feel unimaginable grief. I want to be with him.",0.97757142857143,3.329222114285717,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,85.0,5.7857142857142865,20.17857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.6534285714285719,134,4,27,2,4,45,27,35,0.086,0.703,0.211,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,8,1,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,6,6,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978677377937912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363336559329062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23086725300941846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016132864000578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620105243351534,0.25574072648343804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068961583343898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497815398989797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534617077075557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111456667200144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Niknakpaddywack17,2019/02/27,"Attempted suicide and recovering I posted this in another sub and was recommended to post here.

Hello. I don't who is gonna see this or if anyone will care but I would like to share my experience.

I've been depressed for roughly 5 years and have gotten worse and worse and earlier something snapped. No thoughts could get me out of the idea. I went to my pills and just did as many as possible, messaged my love ones telling everything about how I feel and how I love them. I expected the old, no please don't do it, you have sm to live for routine and I really just didn't listen, I expected them to give up and leave because why wouldn't they, I'm worthless and no good. But they said they and fought me and didn't even tell me what I wanted to hear but what I needed. Toughest love I've ever gotten. I felt bad, I love these people, I'm hurting them, but I didn't dissuade me besides I already took the pills, lemme just say what I need to right? I told them all that I'm useless its better if I leave, I drag you down and they still fought. The girl I love The girl that means the world to me called me no joke something like 40 times and refused to give up. She refused for me give up. She gave me a new lease on life. I had given up on myself yet all these people who are so fucking incredible have not. Mabye they are just tryna make me feel good but I wasn't gonna let them down I went and got help and I'm safe And now I'm trying my best I understand it's gonna so hard, I understand mabye they dont really love me, I understand that it gonna be long and grueling. But I swear to everything in the world, I'm gonna try my damndest to be that person they think I am

This was super long and not revelavent but I wanted to share my story and mabye just mabye also encourage someone to give it at least one more go. Wish me luck I'm gonna need it

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suicidewatch,suicidalandstuck,2019/02/27,"i'm not okay i have a plan to kill myself

​

im only alive for my parents and my girlfriend, but that'll end soon to, i just want to be numb. im sick of hurting man, i just fucking relapsed too and my parents took my blades away so i fucking did it with a split can, thats how desperate i am. im fucking 20 btw, i'm a disgusting, 20 year old waste of space and a burden.

i miss having someone love me properly",-0.2426086956521729,1.6904886521739149,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,86.3913043478261,4.984347826086957,23.33043478260869,6.2581,0.4611747826086954,324,13,75,3,10,112,62,92,0.312,0.6,0.08800000000000001,-0.9727,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,5,0,4,1,7,6,0,1,0,10,16,6,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,2,0,12,2,8,12,0,7,0,2,0,4,5,2,3,0,4,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793471877630843,0.2011320237121889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551698350358073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466067711528917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590779392481825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719884437475086,0.0,0.5363889624819079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312982674124487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939354088957832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369153362310222,0.0,0.0,0.12588986671329644,0.0,0.0,0.3675937323335666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024951433656407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390530824038606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763143410988133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011320237121889,0.10659321949707116
suicidewatch,SamEatsLamb,2019/02/27,"You ever just think, I wish I could undo it all? -My dad lost his job
-my family member tricked us into moving for “a business opportunity” and then abandoned us, 
-that move cost our entire savings meant for my college tuition 
-my so called friends torment me every day about my race “as a joke” because I made the same jokes as a way to relate with them and now they repeat them everyday thinking I’m “cool with it”,  
-my grades suffered because of this and now I probably can’t get into the college I wanted since it’s already my last year
-my gaming hobby is all but gone due to my inability to forget what’s happening
-I’m emotionally inept
- throughout all of this, my sister doesn’t want to accept this and still wants to be treated like a queen
-my parents often fight
-and so much more...

All this started maybe 2 years ago... I thought my life was “bad” back then but I realized it was just my angsty, teenage self. Now, I’m actually depressed due to previously mentioned statements and I have to put on a fake smile every day for the sake of my parents who’re already extremely stressed which only saddens me more.

The only thing I have in my life that brings me joy is my girlfriend who I feel like I’m too distant with because of my problems and I can’t even let her meet my parents because they’ll disapprove being the anti-interracial people they are.

And worst of all... I can’t do anything now but sit and watch, atleast until I get into some sort of college. And yet i can’t help but think that one event with my dad getting fired didn’t happen none of this would happen...",5.3458653846153865,5.991590573717954,5.773487179487183,81.45484615384619,67.94230769230771,7.906666666666666,31.305128205128213,7.7348632917899725,2.0611405128205122,1257,49,240,13,20,404,182,312,0.153,0.746,0.102,-0.9688,4,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,3,1,5,3,16,22,2,1,10,1,20,2,0,1,6,54,45,21,0,8,6,6,2,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,16,17,0,1,9,3,2,5,7,11,0,1,8,4,47,11,30,31,12,35,0,4,1,0,27,5,0,3,25,166,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.10319465751318284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373909785197043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333907872467625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870214788708282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131357728085532,0.08829504640712192,0.2578516569222336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079803888665029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443106180907667,0.0,0.0,0.13639724341074208,0.0,0.09108047727488933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895210976360593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698454645131623,0.0956549939806166,0.17819426663921126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968967153904368,0.0,0.053469295624808566,0.07554629265411335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817005346855371,0.0,0.16574667755157418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805374513461301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088056180842993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493843436076346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619862026759145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813435197437084,0.14938568238120348,0.10332612619650952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154362815465183,0.0,0.0,0.10006118245953402,0.0,0.0,0.1062379393275431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247864806122256,0.07773684495528888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165748703528199,0.16085202614754116,0.0,0.0,0.35226145393209396,0.0,0.0,0.07331225155730718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401407919252135,0.1011864209158774,0.0,0.1063058075343258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031808122881212,0.0,0.0,0.08747572295472307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484887992679509,0.0,0.08445037797692614,0.0,0.12113381689155445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025417964506647,0.2032768772463985,0.0,0.08395198906801285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544033115261215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711848382558385,0.0839377294888113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160482073237393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512024602844497,0.0,0.0,0.1361963101346469
suicidewatch,SlothMovement,2019/02/27,"so tired of trying to ask for help from ""professional"" services I feel like depression is a subpar mental illness. Like it's not quite ""bad enough"" that places who deal with ""serious"" mental health problems will want to do anything for you, but if you die, ""oh it's such a tragedy, if only they'd have reached out"". But to whom? I feel like I keep hitting brick walls, begging for someone professional to help me, but no one cares enough to be the one who follows up when i miss a prescription, or when i dont reply to a voicemail or letter. When does the responsibility lie on the mental health services who have failed their most vulnerable? I'm too tired to keep begging people to help me, why does no one want to? Why do these services who have people who ""care"", care so little? Who is looking out for those of us who have no one?

My most recent endeavour to reach out was to my doctor's office in my university town. The town is small and there's not much here for mental health resources. I went to see a doctor who i had never met before, i read to him from an a4 page of writing which dictated all that i was going though. He could barely hear me through the letter, he couldn't wait to just prescribe me some drug and get me out of there. He mentioned a bit about our uni's student support service and that i should go there.

A month on, I really thought the drugs were helping, but i was too depressed and anxious to go back and repeat the prescription. It's been 2 months since this and i'm writing this crying because i just don't know what to do anymore.

I submitted a really personal and invasive questionnaire to get access to our student support service a month before i went to this doctor. they supplied me with a phone number to call and make an appointment. this was at the start of november. phonecalls make me anxious and i havent been able to make the phonecall since then. I was just reading up again about the service they offer and realised they only provide up to 6 appointments a year for a student. How is that enough for anyone who needs help? they know that i wrote on that form that i'm suicidal, they know my student ID and exactly who i am and where i live.

I've had depression since i can remember basically. it's so sad to think i can't really remember being happy, or that i ever will feel happy. i never expected to live past 18 years, and now i'm 23 and can't stand it anymore. i feel completely failed by these systems, and couldn't possibly afford anything private cause im a student, and couldn't even hold down a job if i wanted to cause im so depressed.

My major trigger for my depressive episode today, was seeing my high school bestfriend being so successful. She had more severe mental health problems than me and went to a clinic. She is now a medical student aboard. She has friends, she lost a lot of weight and is healthy, and she does things and goes places. I'm so jealous. I just keep thinking, what if someone helped me when i was her age(18)? What would i have been able to accomplish by now?",4.953847753743762,5.788530455906828,5.407520382695509,83.05450852745426,68.90016638935109,8.27289517470882,30.00004159733777,8.395991825355821,2.100557703826955,2408,90,473,34,40,771,266,601,0.155,0.728,0.117,-0.9861,2,1,2,0,0,0,66.0,3,2,7,6,33,27,1,0,29,0,48,15,0,7,5,92,99,44,2,17,17,0,5,3,1,4,14,1,0,1,36,26,1,5,12,2,0,7,15,15,0,4,21,9,64,12,64,65,14,54,0,10,3,0,54,22,0,11,26,325,100,25,0.11572448429033508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073572758323265,0.11476759231946435,0.040458625072042204,0.0,0.09523139020585178,0.0,0.05409338557719528,0.0,0.0,0.044492492586578364,0.04831255528374586,0.03527228575377943,0.0,0.09847301262005996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317058223319642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908381861672034,0.0,0.17698323654985826,0.11888092314248612,0.0,0.0,0.060667460013982766,0.0,0.0,0.04619829205942135,0.0,0.06355895599489256,0.0,0.059653430929141174,0.24918332186629416,0.0,0.06005187207678461,0.0,0.0,0.1776733700061373,0.15190691408401508,0.0,0.06781411685864333,0.0,0.1342036616846322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936149106475233,0.0,0.03821746522508064,0.052339710696184163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702755277778072,0.0826735946998607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044704224747858866,0.0,0.06046126668975264,0.0,0.09865333694097668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319086541510316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460194305595483,0.06521495219727066,0.0,0.23270304735712924,0.0611346356839086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250023014547691,0.0,0.057419347038648635,0.15429185828417508,0.0,0.0,0.095398725163869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480570633215355,0.05799316758589002,0.10218683979920253,0.0,0.04858971042387258,0.0,0.06316347248124185,0.04919240909846125,0.0,0.0,0.11587048781871932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829012154464298,0.2915576536886705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855526892684675,0.0,0.042535405691609,0.042904119380833695,0.08925385647286539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568358110566493,0.08801368504778077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055236057376732144,0.08022878633546073,0.050523077990438585,0.12090745538247642,0.0,0.0,0.06523098405703724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073270253286577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154361692555355,0.11575580097929428,0.0,0.11120410189674744,0.0,0.05713198356544812,0.0,0.13109328156096714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058559678168585864,0.0922174310799076,0.0,0.0,0.06536786379161633,0.0,0.1435927339031834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805297999905507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040955192805675486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329190148488949,0.13132277337548867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844110260009685,0.07415157678337356,0.05684935912497732,0.045936156988096284,0.0,0.13300827093238754,0.05484663989922847,0.0,0.0,0.03928466423924126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960115291067097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023859487286598,0.0,0.0,0.07046062275402233,0.0,0.16091663449670449,0.10442334727994466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110367667109693,0.0,0.0,0.07452277370672042
suicidewatch,cashcapone96,2019/02/27,Found out I have high cholesterol I haven’t been suicidal for a few months now but today I found out I have a high cholesterol and it filled me with joy. I might have just ignored the suicidal feelings but when I found out about my cholesterol it felt like there was a way out without having to kill myself,2.647759562841532,5.001157737704919,2.689754098360656,93.88632513661207,78.18032786885246,5.3781420765027335,23.281420765027317,6.42735559955562,0.4799486338797814,246,8,50,2,6,74,40,61,0.16899999999999998,0.638,0.192,0.3832,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,17,13,4,3,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,2,9,2,9,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974323044475627,0.0,0.18501727165418733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338398610214675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4071853709565965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318829802751896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941409688244948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441878129415927,0.0,0.0,0.1538071884151777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215537738365303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265218368650926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295220029785653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575095612303352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blockedreality,2019/02/27,"I'm exhausted and don't see the light anymore Battling chronic illness, depression, insomnia and thoughts of suicide related to medications feels like it's too much to bare. I am usually a very positive person but since being diagnosed last year, since failed medications and side effects... I can't handle it anymore. Whenever I've told anyone, as hard as it is to do, I feel completely judged and the silence is the worst feeling ever. I never thought I would want to give up again (I tried to commit suicide at 15) I'm 26 now, but the lack of sleep and feeling out of my own body is too much to deal with. I feel like this would be better for my family and boyfriend. I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like this broken, disgusting and ugly women who hides all the time behind a smile. I always reach out to other people because I know how it feels like to suffer in silence myself. ",4.876551724137934,5.948435908045982,5.866149425287357,78.83129310344829,69.22988505747125,8.788505747126436,31.16666666666667,9.075114841892004,2.71365287356322,704,29,130,13,12,233,107,174,0.26,0.604,0.136,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,3,7,12,2,0,7,0,13,9,2,2,4,33,30,12,2,5,2,0,8,4,0,2,7,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,11,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,10,14,5,22,22,6,14,0,3,1,0,6,6,0,0,12,87,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776660762355023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34957525046252125,0.08215637479239693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162485435459097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391621991480823,0.0,0.1305122668822631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231929798340015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211338650371864,0.1011996742193216,0.11925660495137505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628242756209616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076536470416358,0.0,0.4158687813136145,0.3357584603778347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271347275754624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525390071843166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457307438833071,0.09577543454134108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296116713985233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367309844953331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274708301253155,0.0,0.09062064357098776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145736820737863,0.10259352421534122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362960081691303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438885104652884,0.0,0.11758148346405288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704448287389986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865583975390356,0.06851322913842638,0.0,0.0,0.11227306402955642,0.0,0.07977249827658729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129405936828837,0.09694702400565952,0.13860511180246954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669324679186725,0.0,0.0,0.07566397667143046
suicidewatch,Noah097,2019/02/27,I don’t know how to handle my friend So I live in west Texas and my friend lives in east Florida for college. She often texts me that she’s thinking about ending it and I just don’t know what to say. I want to be able to keep her safe and hug her and let her know that it’ll be ok but I just don’t know what to do. Please help me. She’s my best friend and I would be lost without her I just don’t know anymore please help,-0.114513172966781,1.3363672164948497,1.5081786941580797,103.44607101947314,83.02061855670105,4.7234822451317315,15.93241695303551,5.033348758259628,-1.2052235967926688,328,5,89,1,9,106,51,97,0.028,0.654,0.318,0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,1,0,22,20,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,19,7,10,13,1,5,0,1,0,1,13,4,0,1,1,58,25,1,0.17573612341733327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428301272497448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442421946927576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556500441028432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073198790597876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355844383362837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620234108045192,0.0,0.0,0.4828998876674794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970209268086254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103564332250769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183673815443208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858109818896273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975241887297588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260461197217116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365371875749907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694033518161208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483789995997115,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AskmeWasTaken,2019/02/27,"Paused your college degree, and no qork? Your depression and suicide attempts means you are lazy I tried to kill myself when I was 9, my mum found me with a knife scratching at my veins with moderate success it was a mix of always being alone and having to be early self sufficient, magnitude of different things wrong with my body like allergies or bullying while spending most of my time in hospitalsand not being able to find any friends. 
Then came middle school and mircously thought my grandfather guidance and me being edgy in general I could find friends and a girlfriend 
I still carried the voice in my head that told me I'm useless but it got dimmed by how edgy and mature I was. 
Well until my grandfather died, then I had to be  a man and supporting my mother and grandmother not only thought his death but thought everything else
I'm a big guy,  and in big guy I mean 6'2 at age 16 broad shoulders and stuff 
I never got  cut any slack, I was a moral support for my family thought anything and I did that well
I was also really fragile with health, but who would believe that such a big and sturdy guy has medical problems, I spent my highschool getting ridiculed by teachers and all of myhealth problems treated as a whim.
All of that lead to a big strain on mental health,  I am suicidal for most of my life
Here's the essence
I figured ally told my mother about everything every little thing of my mental Tara and the fact that  how I need help from professional she told me she wouldn't be shamed with a crazy son and she told me that I'm ungrateful for everything she have done to me to let me attend college. And I should work more than my part time job and I should focus on that and that will fix my suicidal thought
I just want to kill myself but can't do it because I love her too much
I couldn't do it before as well be sure I'm too much of a pussycant do anything right even kill myself. ",6.548604269293923,6.2732556578249365,6.466600985221675,80.6754022988506,65.36604774535809,9.727371479095618,33.336996336996336,9.23628265651192,2.7604046734874315,1521,58,299,24,21,481,200,377,0.175,0.713,0.112,-0.9844,2,1,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,3,0,4,15,24,5,2,14,0,32,9,4,3,5,65,58,34,8,10,8,4,2,1,3,5,4,1,0,5,16,25,0,0,11,0,2,3,7,12,3,0,22,3,54,12,40,21,8,30,1,2,0,1,28,16,0,3,12,209,70,9,0.08110105072660853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839962297556002,0.0,0.06485648096506626,0.06748257107425441,0.0,0.0,0.11030299113524952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334785089812712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943844777020286,0.0,0.06901102079370798,0.09137311184194223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008498443412144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275799646480412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475258975263752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985221615229416,0.0,0.08417008644961163,0.08473333653056786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299453257670887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774952122255089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356647912269884,0.0,0.06833113309680365,0.0,0.2186651849014101,0.0,0.076454852816371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824978218940912,0.0,0.0,0.08892311606721069,0.12531694122304607,0.0,0.0423719516822263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972783797609722,0.0,0.0,0.24090837272512194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323307569920144,0.17241324893255652,0.0,0.0,0.054360324765266886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048027874874011,0.0,0.26917888952596336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293131913225571,0.05728407057121707,0.03962187681271447,0.0812845588385617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319686467718968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668563965799786,0.0,0.08170077634378503,0.16346156792343125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923720778110768,0.06013540148609784,0.06255013004154587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168100363089678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782453469721828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520550521843926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195540980655595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925985419191101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207859311378228,0.0,0.0,0.08460608338979189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647674038727676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284129982558004,0.2661341587851807,0.18406502254724516,0.0764367805183176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775986883244516,0.0,0.0,0.3219258760082621,0.0945813497521178,0.0,0.0,0.3099821179137986,0.0,0.05506228983058127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047835500974322716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875875334358247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904253083782333,0.0,0.0,0.0576118595333616,0.08867126751331224,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HellenKellerVision,2019/02/27,"This sub just brought me to tears I’m not very good at writing out my emotions or telling my stories so I’m sorry if it’s a bad read.
I’ve been really struggling the past 3 years and thinking that it was because of playing baseball I quit my college team in December. I was wrong and now I’m spiralling farther and dropped out of school on Monday. I called my ex (she’s been my support person since we broke up for school in September) I drove 10 hours to see her for a couple days before I gave the truth at home, and idk if it’s because of her or the recency of dropping out but I feel even worse than I did before I got here. She just left to get us some food and now I’m just lying in her bed browsing this sub bawling my eyes out. Thank you to everyone that shares their stories, it really does help to know that I’m not alone in this feeling.",2.4779047619047603,3.71874348888889,3.6498412698412723,91.79500000000002,75.2222222222222,6.476190476190476,26.74603174603175,6.868970318607317,1.014269841269842,668,25,149,6,14,217,110,180,0.124,0.774,0.102,-0.4533,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,1,2,8,10,0,1,5,0,5,2,1,0,1,27,22,11,0,2,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,10,10,1,0,4,3,0,2,2,4,0,0,9,4,24,6,24,13,1,25,0,1,2,0,18,14,0,5,7,89,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607323294723472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957901573550018,0.1892074655903678,0.0,0.26411428617003435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846860132494822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171723223071106,0.0,0.10008613885712724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580975169440945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457035167927562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250299324237468,0.0,0.0,0.14829281043931256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693969211333525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765904035954772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108152613504538,0.0,0.0,0.13016786548449136,0.12412139006702932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402206927403344,0.0,0.15567044355524448,0.0,0.15283306902515642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528958181128378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861679385375866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814852797476832,0.0,0.13550785462452053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506602184833938,0.15523421053261696,0.0,0.19884021154750456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31412561038459225,0.12366810120899345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283766025668007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737249770332448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224059719959014,0.0,0.0,0.17611028455968478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564483481158482,0.1428801392896322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944090390575516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667712430551284,0.0,0.0,0.1280498290288226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581541238103696,0.0,0.16967832277888767,0.0,0.09993869719870807
suicidewatch,emmadilemma22,2019/02/27,"My life is falling apart and my mom just accused me of stealing $20 from her and i want to kill myself. Title is pretty self explanatory. Im severely depressed. Lost all my friends, it feels like my relationship with my boyfriend is turning to shit. Not even my church wants to be real friends with me. My grades are slipping. My eating disorders on its way back. My mom accused me of stealing a $20 bill from her purse today and I didn’t but there’s no way to prove I’m innocent unless she finds it on her own. It triggered something in me and I’m really tempted to just kill my self.",1.358134615384614,3.680332441666668,2.956666666666667,90.30576923076923,82.91666666666666,5.6923076923076925,25.06410256410256,7.010146845296331,1.073467948717949,463,19,96,6,13,152,76,120,0.221,0.688,0.091,-0.946,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,3,0,1,0,6,3,1,1,2,19,13,6,2,2,5,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,3,7,0,0,2,1,21,3,15,10,2,9,1,2,0,0,11,4,1,0,3,61,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350849183629553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383435923018985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408685945645487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435652301694548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608939210521268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121536750694626,0.11474847106166823,0.0,0.0,0.1468057032102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481924952428681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349944711123913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35540914423929465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345214999649456,0.07847185206069067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753380125899006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762373596442595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634104356645713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828231315450227,0.10289863984394387,0.0,0.0,0.17244804037932993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33512779268788817,0.1814572707014032,0.16487629286271493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236547514263123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225098398478032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471073733662926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947817002457196,0.2549887171122373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stutterbee,2019/02/27,"If people keep leaving me I dont want to live anymore Ive evaluated myself incessantly and ive just lost closeness with others but im afraid to open up to my friends who are suddenly doing so great because i dont want to bring them down. I attempt to talk to my parents but they change it to their perspective, which is one of that I am selfish and hate my family which is the complete opposite im trying to ask for help but they dont believe in depression. We briefly went to see someone and  afterwards when i told my mom that i needed to start group events and doing what i love and being out there (joining a band, doing fun teenage things) she told me how selfish i was for wanting so much and i should stop and that the psychiatrist was useless because all it did was make me greedy. Im at a loss because now i want desperately to kill myself because i cant talk or resonate with anyone anymore. I deeply miss the people who left my life but are still technically there just not in the same intimate way. I think about how to kill myself but then i cry and forget about it until the next night. Ill do things to bring myself out of it but then i get bipolar. Ive heard things about taking depression meds which has turned  me off of them because it makes you different or less feeling. I just want to escape my current life because i obviously haven’t been making it any better for anyone in it. Im learning that the world is so selfish and im another mass adding to it. The only reason why i havent killed myself is because its too much effort to explain to my family in writing before i go, and my fear that killing myself will not be a full kill, and ill end up only handicapping myself or ending up in a mental ward wasting more time, pushing me away and making me a slave and wasted space in my parents home. I just feel like people around me only like me when im happy and upbeat (when I put on a persona that never lasts), and then they cant relate or help me when im down 

I want to die but i dont have the guts to kill myself 

I had more important things to say but when faced with writing i just go blank",5.0816337332392365,5.0641517293578,5.970642201834862,82.12386379675372,68.40366972477064,8.450811573747352,29.383909668313336,8.012643519586192,1.8356731827805213,1678,55,343,19,26,555,206,436,0.21,0.667,0.123,-0.9924,4,0,0,0,0,6,21.0,1,1,6,5,25,26,7,2,14,0,34,8,2,7,3,73,68,42,7,9,20,3,2,2,1,2,5,2,1,0,26,24,0,2,6,1,0,7,11,18,0,1,11,5,63,8,51,53,8,57,0,6,1,1,30,25,0,5,26,248,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233710867226791,0.06528222244203727,0.0,0.0,0.12348505364989736,0.08706352353746985,0.0,0.0,0.05542220911480667,0.0582021848250595,0.0,0.05849279624491147,0.0,0.0,0.2656603669592608,0.0,0.052976389068993414,0.0701426738470259,0.0,0.05506153528158763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585998358810975,0.0,0.0652756096318239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838673646750076,0.0,0.0,0.10724426729687654,0.0,0.06461326316349729,0.0650456427325675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918604351374813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028300318045986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738131047561552,0.07005678724051279,0.06295833754643279,0.044476637832240866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809984665357652,0.0,0.032526877187344407,0.0,0.07076453296436848,0.0,0.0,0.06863890889091252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066274068826925,0.0,0.06146620877804766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345953100129136,0.0,0.06244916247367367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707400805697409,0.0,0.0,0.05533716157121245,0.4132709650336657,0.0,0.0,0.05074802059226897,0.0,0.0659215066812301,0.06764275423565827,0.0,0.08794836462738308,0.06083155813471078,0.0,0.054974349203881966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796121300818772,0.0,0.056189656915244586,0.0,0.16622896313686605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691538413686434,0.0,0.06274072981781571,0.0,0.0,0.07291501415676033,0.0,0.0,0.09153257897452076,0.046163009752756806,0.04801667889107923,0.0,0.06621136013632124,0.05842427211892635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042187167455439684,0.14204847902268564,0.0,0.0,0.1382587599237917,0.0,0.0,0.1294841485912261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258579653690886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401088812308782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950951522012394,0.0,0.0,0.04961101907871431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052750420441041716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406604755437578,0.0,0.04971877168443796,0.05204990251917758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046809752394933735,0.10008014206600947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544397319831566,0.039891973214142375,0.0,0.0,0.03630274067468636,0.0,0.0,0.11897906373621725,0.0,0.04226862978616465,0.0677180804069186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203258623141813,0.04941695831491204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771315415904341,0.05617754272160901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MTHeart75,2019/02/27,"I'm planning to commit suicide tomorrow  

I actually plan to commit suicide tomorrow. I'm 21, Brazil, living with my mom alone. She is the strongest woman i've ever know. She moved from the northeast region (which was very poor and still today suffer from many economic and geographic troubles) to the southeast region with her family to find jobs and have a better life, and when my dad disappeared from her life, letting me and no alimony, she was brave enough to find her way to raise me and even to graduate, becoming the first of our family with a bachelor's degree.

Then, you have me, a 21 years old boy with nothing except the college degree, no dreams, no future. My mom now i waiting to buy her own house, and i started to work to help her in this project.

But things didn't goes very well. I've caused many troubles in my job, and tomorrow i will ask to be fired. I just can't bear to be a struggle to my boss, who is a very nice guy, and my mom, who deserves more than i. So, i'm planning to kill myself after asking to be fired.

I know she will suffer, but i think that will heal with time.",6.148484848484848,5.570216454545456,6.685454545454547,79.78484848484852,66.27272727272727,9.696969696969695,31.06060606060606,9.075114841892004,2.413060606060605,860,28,173,13,12,282,123,220,0.146,0.787,0.067,-0.9262,2,1,0,0,0,5,30.0,1,1,0,6,8,10,1,1,10,0,15,3,0,2,3,29,25,14,3,0,4,4,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,6,14,0,1,5,1,2,2,5,6,1,1,3,2,29,4,29,15,3,21,0,2,0,0,23,2,0,0,16,116,35,7,0.0,0.0,0.11773578770396195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495573144109062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558061175687444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332470784939772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670402537659862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393951257882448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466242236546,0.0,0.07968736928998267,0.1091337123017918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22747383028233165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220541565060245,0.10262377513644537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946124253330342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086832185424701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921247248105326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394505593142101,0.0,0.13347997930813768,0.0,0.13261080847294301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337153312354025,0.17043557690569436,0.0,0.0,0.10653506703934168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446378157455243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42390711489222027,0.0,0.12823054021328995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576574084281276,0.0,0.1266005801816704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539581456350807,0.0,0.09635025700570353,0.0,0.0,0.12612828146687155,0.0,0.26394032660134115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015367635626773,0.07730685496500933,0.0,0.0,0.07035126322543979,0.0,0.11436091907781135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986435914864763,0.0,0.09576537136319113,0.0,0.0,0.10847772617383852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783373549550869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769384696115349
suicidewatch,dreampsykki,2019/02/27,"When people feel suicidal, are they usually devoid of emotion and feeling? What I mean is that, how often do people feel empty and the void when they suddenly feel suicidal? In my case, it’s never when I feel cornered or attacked from the world or from myself. It always comes from when I feel devoid of feeling. And sometimes ironically when it feels suffocating just be being alive. Or other times it comes from imagining “what if” without precedent negative emotions. ",6.9370281124497986,8.838473084337352,7.0074096385542175,69.46163654618478,65.14457831325302,9.388755020080325,34.315261044176715,9.725611199111238,3.792632128514056,378,17,55,8,6,121,54,83,0.15,0.74,0.11,-0.7749,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,24,16,13,2,1,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,8,14,0,15,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,5,10,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440136043094605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837574877345509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782781853393875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36338674375891455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6533733034847505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759475814319304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457768634016493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396156254804944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597519046175926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533632702337864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418626080571428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789646567881165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570389681801444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DAFYLE007,2019/02/27,"I want to text my last Minutes I'm standing on a roof about to jump and wanted to see if somebody wants to text a lil bit
",1.5503571428571448,2.035313321428575,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,76.5,5.6000000000000005,24.714285714285715,3.1291,0.05258571428571468,95,3,24,0,2,32,22,28,0.0,0.947,0.053,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604250483448679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437700569393793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33606794224617315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7462501330002862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fijix,2019/02/27,"19(m) Never Enough The feeling of not being good enough is something that I have struggled with my entire life. Obviously, everyone has the feeling of not being enough, but I remember in daycare, not feeling like enough of a kid for my parents. My earliest memories are all just the feeling of self doubt, low self esteem, depression and anxiety. My parents never listened and remember around the age of 4 bringing it up to my mom and her brushing it off, the thought of suicide never leaving, death has felt inviting for a long time. However, as I’ve gotten older, nothing has really changed. I’ve decided that, I won’t kill myself...at least, where one of my loved will have to find me. I just want to leave and be with nature before dying naturally due to the weather. Just somewhere that a loved one won’t be the one to find me, if I am found. I’ve done counseling, I’ve tried smoking and not smoking weed, I took prescriptions, I did all I could, but I think it’s just that I’ve figured out none of that helps. The things in my head are just very strong and I think it’s what I’m supposed to do. ",5.094884792626728,5.728454963133642,5.789562211981568,81.16148617511523,68.49308755760369,8.780645161290323,32.55069124423963,8.841846274778883,2.644848847926267,865,37,168,14,14,282,120,217,0.173,0.725,0.103,-0.8889,3,0,1,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,2,11,0,20,4,1,0,6,46,37,10,4,3,12,3,5,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,11,10,0,0,15,0,0,2,10,5,0,3,7,7,20,5,25,22,8,18,0,2,0,2,11,8,0,2,9,120,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409754791563896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786263427747947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354388920262817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629329812625727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877716198331647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468412281338104,0.0,0.11409188199888178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249842808422003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543558619352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050445731689864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233934231173053,0.07853532025495621,0.10555179498510736,0.0,0.20095139935539447,0.0,0.0,0.1205345758007105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220560207625277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282177138741788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368498738863223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162328049396122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328038669841516,0.0,0.0,0.07764810154899242,0.05370713854020648,0.0,0.0,0.09728620888092006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984355345158749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875082891370898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543586096939677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548255433583406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347795617505387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441325720173264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042514431064216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906266355153545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936574475955585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463089237235592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492461592051947,0.0,0.1202475777352236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303382209549245,0.14087975371662487,0.0,0.0872735923347522,0.06410213325415551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213830639425427,0.07463649544544207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070527151549956,0.0648406406923086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joynix,2019/02/27,Tottenham just lost fuck off trippier,6.690000000000001,10.627188000000004,6.416666666666668,59.74500000000001,85.66666666666666,15.733333333333334,39.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,8.721533333333335,32,2,4,2,1,10,6,6,0.5920000000000001,0.408,0.0,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6462709438329105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7631080311183462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stardusttears,2019/02/27,"Privileged failure I had and still have all the qualifications to lead a successful life but instead I spend my time feeling sorry for myself. I don’t deserve this life and yet I find myself thinking that perhaps it’ll go better in another life. Honestly, so disgusting. ",4.6169387755102065,7.5794168163265345,5.8115918367346975,70.85126530612247,74.71428571428571,8.817959183673471,34.289795918367346,9.3871,4.107029387755103,220,12,33,6,5,73,42,49,0.168,0.59,0.242,0.5107,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,1,8,7,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,4,3,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,26,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247270142160015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27388724343774024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658376972083282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28304237400889426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599856930661248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6562095034981559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34666197482898164,0.0,0.0,0.2473112537476715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843076519820915,0.0,0.0,0.18057719462010405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilentlySuffering1,2019/02/27,"i lost my girlfriend, close friends and had to deal with so much from my parents and college in two weeks that my suicidal thoughts have reemerged i want to die. i just want to go to sleep one day and hope my sleep apnoea just makes me take my last breath. i haven't felt this bad for three years and honestly it was getting better over Christmas and up until this month when everything just went downhill. me and my girlfriend have had a huge falling out, we broke up initially with no hard feelings but my anxiety has ripped our friendship apart, she no longer trusts me as well as she did and has cut off most contact, I've been a mess and I've made her worry and I've just been an idiot overall and I just didn't want to mess everything up and I did and I hate myself. my parents have been absolutely horrible to me and college work has just become too much. I want to escape. I want to stop my life and run away. I've broken down so much this week I just can't cope anymore. I want to seek help but my parents won't let me ever see a therapist because they aren't firm believers in my depression, and that 'no one in our family has ever seen a therapist, I don't need one'. I don't think I can go without their knowledge as im not yet 18. I'm expected to do well enough in college to go onto Cambridge or oxford and I just can't cope with that kind of stress, never mind how much work I have to do. I hate it. to get home from college I have to cross a railway bridge and I've considered launching myself off it many times, but each time I tell myself 'it'll all work out'. it doesn't work out. it gets worse. I dig a bigger pot between my girlfriend and I. I cry whenever I'm alone because I can't show my emotions to anyone because I'm weak. the only time I've ever been so close to getting to a specialist is when I got so anxious and angry that my parents didn't believe me I punched a hole in the wall, where I got told I had anger issues and I'll be seeing a behaviour specialist. I can't do this anymore. is there a way I can see someone without my parents ever getting involved?",2.7113134568896062,3.9988928630136975,3.9820628525382737,89.4580419016922,74.70776255707761,6.888100993822187,26.809293580445875,7.39963492309942,1.2668289551437013,1646,61,356,19,34,540,203,438,0.215,0.7070000000000001,0.079,-0.9971,5,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,3,0,2,6,25,21,5,1,13,0,41,5,3,4,6,72,78,35,2,9,15,5,3,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,14,30,0,1,5,1,0,7,19,13,2,5,21,7,61,8,48,53,8,51,0,3,4,0,23,24,0,3,19,243,75,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686661010214522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056775935387253784,0.08384428215946575,0.1472069888021924,0.051894374078649434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972947856706675,0.0,0.06196824069344449,0.13572630223515803,0.08196703834009497,0.0,0.16723468141868614,0.0,0.06563905969226527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152408127004312,0.04786393774927239,0.07651464809294545,0.06392314368599603,0.0,0.07702570979925201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348433200698324,0.0,0.07668618080853935,0.0,0.0,0.2685347335654251,0.0,0.0,0.1334032218639318,0.0,0.06996534700369775,0.0,0.03752643342763808,0.0,0.07126012637246798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734000495149071,0.0,0.1938770524999353,0.0,0.12653799189186515,0.0,0.11871650870660773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648401065555297,0.14654818927247235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974620766807894,0.0,0.07444587736935412,0.07371440042076642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801672842420502,0.07746344799995854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728576644436674,0.0,0.06049690289028575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758920893419108,0.0524217852452829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101681318164951,0.0,0.0,0.0702260850527502,0.049540540316048674,0.07524456614467853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493818935442485,0.0,0.05923944065041292,0.0,0.21823265131891967,0.05503109452433087,0.057240860354466426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087443468623268,0.0564455055971014,0.0,0.0,0.4120469466209672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774244375523674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485415466060895,0.0,0.06288397114999207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062048881146533376,0.08501552269013816,0.0,0.0,0.08118154301974882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580207881814477,0.0,0.06486908180862144,0.0,0.0,0.17234371987501182,0.0,0.047555368691670784,0.0,0.0589201464516181,0.12982989395150715,0.0,0.0,0.07091769078697413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249939535535184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626512746916884,0.058910138630431014,0.11906508142158245,0.0,0.13346030608452325,0.06880006435529105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308541563486568,0.0,0.2161239479705227,0.07537114334004627,0.0756336414141846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779342710273523
suicidewatch,fuckkkxt,2019/02/27,??? thoughts are getting more frequent and i’m so tired of fighting my head,5.419285714285714,6.865190928571433,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,68.28571428571428,5.6000000000000005,42.57142857142857,3.1291,2.602228571428572,59,4,11,0,1,17,14,14,0.37,0.63,0.0,-0.7932,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885894899572856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668889420943146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385185042125269,0.0,0.6348657772164055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZarkisNC,2019/02/27,"Hit a new low after a bad break up Hi... i feel like an idiot posting here... but i'm tired... i don't find anything that makes me feel like ""yeah, life is worth it""... currently writting that from work, tears in the eyes, doing a job i hate and single after 5 years with the one i loved...

​

Long story short, broke up with my gf of 5 years after pouring everything i had for her, she didn't have a job, parents were dickhead too busy breaking up and having fun to take care of her etc, so mostly was a parent, provider, friend, lover, name it i was it... she didn't have a lot of friends etc... i did everything... including using all the money i had for her, 5 years without putting a dime on the side... then after 3 years, she went abroad to study for 1 tough year in singapore, felt fucking alone, she didn't have a lot of time for her, that, i know, but she put so much effort in the thing that she forgot to put effort in me at all... felt alone... and continued feeling alone after she came back, 8 months later, here we are...  


I would give everything i have and restart from scratch, and pull all the efforts in the world to get her back... but she sunk into ""fake friends"", drinking, maybe doing a tatoo, throwing to shit the 1 year diploma that cost 40 000USD to get and 15 hours of work per day (that i helped, didn't sleep, etc, to talk to her, help her, etc etc) and maybe now she is going to be a flying attendant or something like that, wasting all the effort... wasting 5 years together, etc etc and has even told me ""you are the worst thing that happened to me in my life"" and things like that, that people find easy to tell when they are mad at you... balblabla  


Long story short... i feel like my life is shit, i spent 2 weeks crying since it happens, i can barely talk to anyone without busting in tears, my life seems meaningless... i hate my job, i hate my life, only thing that made sense to me and that made me wake up in the morning, was trying to make her happy... and now, i have nothing left... :'( I don't find anything that give me the motivation to put a foot in front of the other, and continue... 34, shit job i hate, and what? oh... nothing... we had project, things we wanted to do together, etc.... and now i m left with nothing.... sorry i keep repeating myself, just crying like an idiot in my office :'( not sure why i'm telling you all this, i feel alone :'( i feel like no one understand why i wanna die... i'm tired of this shit life :'( sorry guys :'( ",3.5835934535104386,4.291604157258067,4.2546537001897535,90.54205407969641,71.94354838709678,7.0449715370018975,24.870493358633777,6.923569853693429,0.7601408444022777,1866,51,413,15,34,595,225,496,0.199,0.6709999999999999,0.129,-0.9922,7,4,2,0,0,2,146.0,3,3,1,7,13,34,12,0,26,1,33,20,8,6,6,65,75,22,1,3,8,2,9,7,5,1,8,0,0,1,26,22,1,2,15,1,5,11,10,18,0,2,21,10,64,16,58,51,19,71,0,2,1,3,44,25,5,5,39,262,90,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140850395993795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599145644815064,0.06279259288350804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036133404071186634,0.0,0.0850506980017647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947206361572791,0.04314771148724593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059104138971793285,0.05268762666959341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352839772566688,0.033327061629290056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363203903043905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050623287770444336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610635805560822,0.03413183495720454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933049407346434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156775119438144,0.14767078208853193,0.09923507070257044,0.0,0.14169412982716198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977538635783333,0.047774083259628335,0.05399766739642035,0.09914559803074492,0.029368940741410287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116785069276795,0.09139470071919953,0.05501058562910782,0.0,0.2040793451273781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927532529655821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089093423481804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051237741625468,0.04593243962483598,0.0,0.0,0.028400048016825018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229331742968604,0.0,0.2190038032481157,0.17672566268131576,0.0,0.0,0.09146413680643974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786700942134101,0.04664005074561636,0.09779509060858033,0.06898891808317134,0.0,0.10383196207787768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412476821230822,0.0,0.03798816688530587,0.0,0.0,0.04990947705992825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875496061740767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700346554492557,0.039302300065347885,0.0,0.0,0.11476125559190135,0.0,0.0,0.035825972207880696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949179371173963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207796586538282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470443366066229,0.0,0.0,0.21218070175253267,0.042747327395755284,0.0,0.05171381118059453,0.0,0.0,0.03978308748504618,0.0,0.11569520179809906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870448123602263,0.0,0.03885429004100446,0.08307121204936188,0.09033506179939194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165782212296152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03013297749488407,0.11878904905572052,0.0,0.049379101733023435,0.0,0.03508494528001886,0.0,0.0,0.05379704963863676,0.0,0.04463189633082082,0.0,0.0,0.030480133305213195,0.0,0.04145176403182412,0.0,0.0,0.04790462491571251,0.09325999079339528,0.0,0.0,0.09962858655916253,0.0,0.07524220187763993,0.0,0.0,0.0367094965615742,0.0,0.06279259288350804,0.23294576163166525
suicidewatch,throwaway_252799,2019/02/27,"Suicidal Friend  I  met someone on Reddit who opened up to me and told me he was going to  commit suicide later today. He gave me his real name so I gave him mine.  He lives in Australia and I live in the US. I believe that I can  contact his family through Facebook and let them know.

I would love to contact his family but there are a few things stopping me:

1. He  knows who I am. He told me he did bad things to burn his bridges with  friends and family to dampen the pain they will feel when he is gone. I  am worried he might some how get me back.
2. He  really wants this. After talking to him, he described his life as daily  suffering (paraphrased). I might feel awful for continuing his  ""torture"". He has absolutely no money, no where to go, and $50k in debt.
3. I am afraid there might be legal consequences to me telling his family too late or not calling the police or something.

I  am having a moral dilemma right now and would love to chat with someone  who has any advice. I am just in a very distraught and confused state  of mind and am unable to think super clearly. I really care for this guy  however and would love to see him alive and well, but I am worried I  will only be keeping him alive. Thanks in advance for your help. Feel  free to DM me if you would like to talk one on one.",2.260728509790905,4.066460927480918,3.670165947560573,89.03847494191837,77.12977099236642,6.388582807832727,23.986724195154327,7.255503002510835,0.941000132758048,1001,33,209,12,23,329,152,262,0.158,0.657,0.185,0.8582,2,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,1,2,2,2,11,18,1,3,6,1,27,5,0,1,2,44,50,19,2,6,7,0,3,1,2,9,2,0,0,1,8,13,0,2,6,1,3,4,3,7,1,2,8,4,40,12,30,30,2,25,1,1,1,3,50,11,0,8,10,144,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880390006840437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875853045225436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774764650969118,0.08442294984645747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391678191931953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324501005010454,0.0,0.10308877830451707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812714974629272,0.0,0.1533733492378974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623526851965075,0.0,0.052826004083451575,0.0,0.11492672615967382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011517978336927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777216115896555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987155779789603,0.0,0.0,0.11113524897236399,0.0,0.11405692070949534,0.0,0.0,0.10339222125008296,0.07141725659951582,0.049397427855097945,0.0,0.1785646484784148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27376821591782136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217864271196425,0.10209266764163942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703003011536627,0.07689900559959159,0.10758858068884246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508575640286542,0.1295478061139108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634771812731654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805718877143251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134100575178907,0.07783971579767464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453281104068434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211967052193339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625373983183494,0.08837493494783592,0.09308885983456973,0.0,0.0,0.13434649679737998,0.06478745339645299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584082444542297,0.19323061573276712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216233462900704,0.0,0.0,0.08342665849549344,0.05963752599254246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091038087400873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536501223408207,0.0,0.2873036719940574,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,synecdochied,2019/02/27,"Today was the darkest I have ever felt. For three hours my therapist had to lock me in her office so I wouldn't harm myself. I froze in a state of PTSD paralysis and after I left, I was in a fog and nearly fell on the train platform. I went to Walgreens to buy some water and I couldn't even type the PIN number for my debit card when paying for it - I had even forgotten my phone number. Thoughts of suicide are the only thing comforting me today. I have never found so much reassurance in the thought of suicide. I need some way out (not being in the hospital or mental ward, which only makes things worse) and I am all alone. ",2.552254831782392,4.368855535433074,3.9646957766642816,87.20140300644239,76.3228346456693,6.507945597709378,21.781675017895488,7.348242739294969,0.7481559055118114,491,13,99,6,11,162,84,127,0.125,0.789,0.087,-0.7841,0,1,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,8,0,11,1,0,1,3,20,18,8,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,3,2,4,1,0,1,9,2,18,2,18,6,4,21,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,3,7,77,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851853380989528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361945667316362,0.16173698619121749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716783214158067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604757691664046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608432387582235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426930525723396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935197475003828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019074076397665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314403200070258,0.13257969659259405,0.13790341558877944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719745289736364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901040979924027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39116155822480586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076033403312172,0.23757670792247296,0.0,0.0,0.2838982290745822,0.0,0.0,0.33896749225489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192500391568694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657515943780212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822148971878472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeautifulRebellion,2019/02/27,"My Fiancé dumped me only two days ago and the nightmares are already starting I thought I was done with this shit with my last ex. 
I woke up at 1:30 this morning from a nightmare about my ex fiancé. And then I stumbled upon an old reddit thread on an alt account that talked about him threatening to kill himself after a fight over birth control and I started sobbing in my car. If this is how my my life is going to be I don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve already done this once. I refuse to do it again. ",2.8959285714285734,4.120365104761909,3.801130952380955,91.18741071428572,74.14285714285714,5.6309523809523805,27.410714285714285,5.148860815047168,0.7406428571428569,396,15,84,1,8,127,73,105,0.205,0.784,0.012,-0.9688,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,4,0,5,0,10,2,1,2,0,11,16,6,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,5,0,16,0,16,10,0,18,0,1,0,0,7,6,2,1,10,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182226527109323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4537060158873121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387146087308514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305656590242805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257646245579932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207415634029201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683088995005167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274341519817153,0.0,0.0,0.16756802201983542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520106723862006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157124667178905,0.2189266930871336,0.0,0.15634621398667695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101595418644056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910088054958997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523039966626932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632006255910671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081325980211626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125126102431125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElysianEcho,2019/02/27,"Hi, or maybe goodbye will end up more appropriate I don’t know what to do, i don’t think i can keep going on like this much if any longer
I don’t want to make a long poorly formatted post about all the details, i guess, this is just a last ditch cry for help before i give up completely",3.3367741935483863,3.5336718709677437,4.5388709677419365,90.12830645161293,72.2258064516129,8.135483870967743,23.56451612903225,8.07648339933343,0.8507935483870965,224,5,54,3,4,74,48,62,0.055,0.83,0.115,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,10,15,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,7,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841817174739248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046643075759626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28397248343559983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975070090998317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398854523958606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598161422732069,0.15392564143326712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983627872529873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153955526791854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407366439974704,0.0,0.0,0.14884757493352682,0.22077222286104467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231962698015948,0.0,0.0,0.2396864778003444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807890104249865,0.0,0.2720970004474278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990998928487032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25939158513881905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354449489880486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974951603757215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tamari080,2019/02/27,"I can't take it anymore I'm 15 years old and have hirsutism. I have crazy leg hair,stomach hair,arm hair and chest hair. I can't take it anymore. I wake up feeling disgusting and I go to bed wishing I was never fucking born. I hate myself and no one will ever love me. I wrote a suicide note in case I were to ever do it. I want to. I can't stand myself anymore. Everyone else I  my family is normal, why am I such a monster. My life is just gonna get worse so I might as well leave, but I can't hurt my family. I can't hurt my friends. I cry myself to sleep every night and wish all day that I was normal and not hairy and disgusting. I just want the pain to end. I just want to stop waking up feeling hopeless. I'm starting to think the only way to wake up not feeling hopeless is if I didn't wake up at all, which is why I wrote the suicide note in case I just don't wanna wake up anymore. I'm gonna lose everyone so what's the point? The only reason I'm here is because of my family and friends but I'll lose them too.

Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why didbi have to be so disgusting and fucking gross. Why God?


I've lost my motivation for everything. I just want to be okay and ill never be able to feel happy with myself again. I'm so tired. Im so sick of myself and I want to kill myself so badly. 

The worst part is that the hair growth is just gonna get worse. I'm fucking done. Nothing fucking matters and I should just end it before it gets worse. I'm a waste of space.




I want the pain to fucking stop.",-0.7155408895265438,1.3145586941176504,1.8388522238163567,96.64910329985656,90.0,4.493543758967002,18.29268292682927,5.950424286874398,-0.33452223816355753,1196,34,282,10,41,409,144,340,0.298,0.584,0.118,-0.998,0,0,0,0,0,7,35.0,0,0,1,4,20,28,10,0,11,1,33,23,11,2,6,56,74,22,3,13,12,0,7,0,2,6,6,0,1,0,12,13,0,2,7,0,0,2,12,22,1,1,10,7,43,6,31,55,4,29,0,7,0,6,6,10,5,2,15,175,55,1,0.07587156148903793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009768068015424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334958468610609,0.04625059966934407,0.0,0.06456111062261753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334134764164665,0.04893088046275305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764294944679137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338095399796312,0.0,0.13439936721348594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372603421914111,0.06392506286812905,0.1449970568142261,0.06818846723982086,0.0,0.21457486732743886,0.0,0.15345176469682606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723636039776986,0.350710180092808,0.11891927818441275,0.0,0.0431195568550409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709297125507653,0.08076668803103405,0.0,0.07490745923253317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244415157394834,0.0,0.08195430603347999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394064148057319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033702862824026,0.0,0.0,0.05359032766835073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697617402248312,0.08282277195893166,0.0,0.06847704646739074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048773685642813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703365110749225,0.0,0.0,0.07120032077693254,0.14867604240289295,0.07280080951606098,0.0,0.07961444081235541,0.0,0.05141253363641689,0.11540748283182832,0.1614653815343265,0.0,0.0,0.08216150746293531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172314946307037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800860160145284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592635502336532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053702281730724916,0.0,0.0,0.12686404541693813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659823476325476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140919438148514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861543304279566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720319877407369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26850607638365664,0.06022331397950328,0.0,0.0,0.06821764558687518,0.0,0.3423114158869129,0.0,0.17449710267331356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319588091385014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048858798052084415
suicidewatch,AmarantCoral,2019/02/27,"Old Labour British socialst with a razorblade looking for an excuse. I smoked too much dope when I was 15. 13 years later I'm srill no better from the dissociaton. Starting to develop depersonalistation. Feels like I have no place in this world and should just cut where I hold the blade at my wrirst. Please kill me, I'm in so much pain.",3.478820512820516,5.80159967692308,4.0657692307692335,85.20839743589745,75.30769230769229,6.7948717948717965,23.14102564102564,7.793537801064563,0.9564871794871792,269,8,55,4,6,85,55,65,0.203,0.6729999999999999,0.124,-0.7769,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,8,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,6,2,7,6,2,11,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,6,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262828754361617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026153329528116,0.21230318515200647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287821295396621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451855870768713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495536894470897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369183240595968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31183709024255674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162170972929489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104865341771223,0.3262109163870573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034328827059207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913721337718197
suicidewatch,Ozeroff,2019/02/27,"Six years of my life Everyone always told me it was temporary, that one day I wouldn't feel like this anymore; but I've been dealing with depression for a little over six years now and its only gotten worse in recent months. The only reason I haven't commited suicide already is the few friends and family I have would be hurt. I hate myself and I hate being alive. Waking up everymorning has become a chore, im not living Im just wasting time until the inevitable. ",6.975824175824172,6.674449000000003,7.457450549450552,74.01254945054949,64.49450549450549,9.917362637362636,31.386813186813182,9.3871,2.782545494505494,373,12,66,6,5,123,71,91,0.263,0.625,0.113,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,5,0,10,2,1,1,1,12,15,5,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,4,1,8,2,7,7,1,12,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260692065240356,0.0,0.14522952065311287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309470411529534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276340565257868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256251092312038,0.17994091829337236,0.15032924363822328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677844989827648,0.0,0.0,0.1645388053443922,0.0,0.08825161011054662,0.1246899157114515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484755407074853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34464009714697885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684643943673265,0.0,0.377061781061248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328128548870446,0.08527040516217893,0.1749328356744815,0.15412016965803507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931449226391768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827140293213648,0.2654878866681363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945403775321392,0.1723351268580018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909161417262448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177445723066834,0.0,0.0,0.16677844989827648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786903853243755,0.12398672147150433,0.0,0.0,0.22479337945348105
suicidewatch,7654756474567456745t,2019/02/27,i'm a schizo like my insane worthless father  i'm a schizo like my insane worthless father ,2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,81.22222222222223,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.10908888888888901,74,2,12,0,2,24,9,18,0.463,0.331,0.207,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angelashh,2019/02/27,"I don’t know what to do I don’t even know what to write. I’ve tried before, 4 times.. it started when I was 11. And the last time, I was ready: I couldn’t think straight or see beyond the moment, I wasn’t thinking about the consequences but the times before I was. It’s hard to explain but something tells me l don’t really need to.. After that last time, I promised myself I would never do it again. I knew I’d feel that way again, but I’ve spent a lot of time forcing myself to think big picture and long term and try to make myself understand it’s not what I want. So now I still feel that way but I’m also trying to keep that promise and I guess that’s left me with not wanting to die but not wanting to be alive? Or exist? I don’t know. 

The only thing that has made me laugh all week is how I feel like such a millennial right now, turning to the internet instead of those around me (hopefully at least one person also laughs at that). But like.. I think it’s harder for people to hear than for me to talk about. I almost want to talk about it and just let it out but people who have limited or no genuine exposure to this, I mean, it’s probably hard for them to here and make sense of. And I don’t want someone who’s going to call my parents or call an ambulance. Which almost makes it worse and makes me want to stay silent cause, it would be easier to just do it, right? ",2.155981599643866,3.369206174061436,3.51409704703962,92.55802492951477,75.99658703071674,6.597358658554683,21.271553642973736,7.079830092131019,0.3314672503338776,1071,25,247,11,23,351,144,293,0.061,0.821,0.118,0.9693,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,21,7,0,0,9,0,21,0,0,7,2,68,57,24,1,11,16,1,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,27,11,0,2,14,0,1,1,12,0,0,1,7,7,30,7,35,44,4,34,0,0,1,0,13,10,0,9,22,166,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947914357564384,0.0,0.0,0.15556376628826746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658546704714551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552878217135605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986345757368798,0.0,0.0,0.0999167889130552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094454295140833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424187001155134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475386081149556,0.06948532945364802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527729979511068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071471204220282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742586491365648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962345245014236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660497097403743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645259826762675,0.0,0.0,0.16036104082651265,0.15856607431860195,0.0,0.0,0.10567748130929376,0.09945889875228424,0.0,0.09503642955459787,0.0,0.0,0.08607546583424723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269026562191986,0.0,0.09203342724646256,0.25969755879187834,0.0,0.0,0.10594887027965094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211992851935102,0.07501589406558269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590851674567222,0.07397355738766452,0.0,0.0,0.10800001923924056,0.0,0.0,0.1348610440957448,0.0849270612200414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486690447297957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623097268637783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661256301659863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750671303478786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241136294945434,0.07487848040039369,0.0,0.0,0.06884386907987762,0.10367034597705256,0.07767505366647945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635403173806406,0.0850129110385997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461779455523582,0.2492910468454021,0.0,0.0,0.28357672913198245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810735316756886,0.10579516250287337,0.0,0.10125512074646843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442125096731632,0.15440706836071794,0.07801921109781566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912019485706468,0.13818692779072833,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScorpiusDragon,2019/02/27,"Does anyone have any experience with overdosing? If so, what would you say are the most effective pills to overdose with? Are there any pills that can easily be obtained over the counter? How painful is it? How long does it take to lose consciousness.",4.1080000000000005,7.175054911111115,3.391111111111112,86.78000000000004,77.66666666666667,8.044444444444443,26.777777777777786,8.841846274778883,2.3969111111111108,201,8,37,5,5,59,36,45,0.105,0.768,0.127,0.2853,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,3,0,9,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058882566472743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867073174354528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223200551571168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919239543038857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641031041261749,0.0,0.3338692935744848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175528997181841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373252620497305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243838725590098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211997671028986,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway70267,2019/02/27,"I’m just tired Throwaway for obvious reasons, but I just need to rant 

as I’m sitting here with my friends , who are arguing over lunch, I’m contemplating my life.
I’ve been going to a therapist for the last 6 months but she doesn’t know how to help me. Hell I don’t even know if I am depressed. But I feel constantly sad, constantly lonely. I just am tired. I know i have to go to school for another 4 years, and then college. But I can’t do it anymore. I’m so tired of feeling this shitty. Everyone says they feel this way, but it’s litteraly killing me. My life isn’t bad either, and that just makes me feel even worse. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to die, but I’m to tired to live. Sorry if that sounds cringg but that legitemtg how I feel. ",0.7862037037037055,2.6912676666666684,2.635293209876544,94.20256944444448,82.20987654320987,6.519135802469138,22.47067901234568,7.6454224807358475,0.8078382716049388,590,20,139,10,16,196,89,162,0.345,0.596,0.059,-0.996,0,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,0,10,8,3,0,2,0,13,7,0,4,1,33,32,16,2,4,14,0,5,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,9,3,1,0,10,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,1,7,19,1,16,31,1,11,1,3,0,0,7,1,1,2,6,82,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146448327669585,0.0,0.0,0.2486725813431453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468118735340017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709672670923625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079835494042024,0.0,0.13011734185600515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561531940930846,0.0,0.0,0.1197992389789934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169616858881593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968628402872647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250468829760454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403485441493604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870660811640098,0.0,0.2756068069263509,0.10219569823011618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710926310811625,0.0,0.0,0.1107066233533614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368742640391884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007150301577827,0.0,0.0,0.09296246354099848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890428690070674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997016123565995,0.0,0.12688413199669746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403447677508479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556767327530865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5763911118859589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394822193577462,0.0995152224749104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277657603072103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073607772007904
suicidewatch,QueenVamp666,2019/02/27,Im going to cut my wrists again tonight no one wants me GET CALLED A CUNT EVERY DAY BY MY GRANNY MY MOTHER JUST STORMED OUT SO IMB REAKING EVERYTHING AT THE MINUTE CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE I NEED TO BE DEAD,-0.6963636363636354,1.2700307272727258,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,105.36363636363636,3.1090909090909093,19.13636363636364,5.148860815047168,-0.4967636363636361,168,6,37,1,8,52,40,44,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34017483204233584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35025267443819946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121377683531632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890016377747033,0.0,0.3082762507454645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171082260495215,0.17920913757607235,0.0,0.1949411074797584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705108388430464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543383773996653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243319218508546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25790165187174685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231682834481435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jam_crisis,2019/02/27,"This weekend I’m done This weekend I am going to kill myself. I’ve wanted to die for a long time now and I’ve struggled and suffered too long to keep going. My current plan is to mix bleach and ammonia (windex) and make it look like a cleaning accident. I think that’s the best way for me because i want to cause people the least amount of pain and I also enjoy the smell of chemicals (I frequently huff 99% isopropyl alcohol and acetone). I cannot live anymore because everything I’ve pushed through for is falling apart. I’ve killed myself for years getting no sleep for school, I even slept a combined 10 total hours last May. I’m a national merit finalist with an almost perfect gpa but still cannot afford to go to any of the schools I would like to. I have severe anxiety and trust issues from sexual abuse. My friends wont talk to me or hang out anymore. I have an extremely toxic boyfriend but i find myself not leaving because I think I deserve it and I cant do anything better. My parents have been berbally and psychologically abusive since I was little and instilled an obsessive need for perfection that I cannot shake. I am tired of being psychologically exhausted I cannot take any more. I’ve been surviving so long based on hopes for the future but I know it wont pan out and I cannot continue like this for some distant hope that I know in my heart isn’t going to happen. I just wanted someone to know.",3.4186170212765963,5.367337900709219,4.600301418439718,83.00875,74.24822695035459,7.253191489361702,28.41666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.993287943262412,1136,47,215,18,24,373,161,282,0.147,0.695,0.159,0.6679,3,0,1,0,1,2,20.0,0,0,0,6,8,21,2,3,12,0,24,7,3,2,3,42,48,17,3,7,6,1,0,3,1,4,4,0,1,0,9,14,1,1,6,2,0,8,11,8,0,0,5,2,31,13,30,38,6,31,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,6,18,135,40,3,0.0,0.25766144270024993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620241583014596,0.10888030558002708,0.0,0.0,0.08695367096028313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788421842183613,0.0,0.08318038056045615,0.0,0.21566766388271813,0.0,0.0,0.08947792246451247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19884772298297507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410848353619492,0.0961654251505096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169865314850147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284759661536843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127152089958092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181706331931376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097722130749113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937991229723787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400677858799672,0.0,0.056808459072977664,0.0,0.2471816800346773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615215555844324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884902501614165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599263272241026,0.10708001638070436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348891110666245,0.0,0.09664680873687123,0.24059371544690375,0.0,0.1792702955396209,0.08863183619644334,0.0,0.11513245470077756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936422642437426,0.10897894363413137,0.09601315394726594,0.2886756182041105,0.09130826154028417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258006351727443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062407697857017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569948529755456,0.0,0.12073503182265695,0.0,0.0,0.0753817108794572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008702514535186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283724169885425,0.0,0.08994498895713138,0.0,0.10881143825687746,0.0,0.09212904403479688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683424449651912,0.0,0.0,0.11367124874583134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175361833316268,0.08739539645673043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934331996418425,0.0,0.0,0.06340303577182146,0.12497248783096865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240046715679734,0.0863071249592934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724074144528878,0.0,0.0,0.07002043079657355
suicidewatch,zerotrace,2019/02/27,"Just need to get this off my chest I know I'm not going to do it. but I can't help but keep thinking about the clothes hook hanging off my door and if it'd support my weight. About 15 minutes ago I picked up a belt and figured out the best way of doing it and burst into tears. I know wholeheartedly I'm not going to 'do anything stupid', but I hate having this recurring through bounce around my head and facebook isn't exactly the place I'd wanna share this. 

Please don't be concerned, I just had to type this out <3",5.413058103975537,4.7413527064220204,5.568394495412843,87.496750764526,67.80733944954127,8.367584097859327,30.093272171253822,7.1686216300943375,1.4819162079510706,411,13,92,3,6,130,70,109,0.09,0.773,0.13699999999999998,0.7431,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,4,0,10,3,2,1,1,25,22,8,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,1,4,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,1,10,3,16,19,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,2,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123200464514345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537786962896004,0.22217348361402287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261912174643411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039194451502165,0.0,0.28367694208011623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640233485599705,0.2561345927555499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672839736949028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183254972966612,0.0,0.0,0.274318329941733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850557178194118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607513715281843,0.27395694979437385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832132490277064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599167337206605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980999666702164,0.0,0.30391350084610474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrDubleDz,2019/02/27,"Not Looking For Help Hi, I wish you all the best. Sorry for what pain I've caused or will cause. I hope all your lives seem worth it in the end, please try to mutually facilitate the same feeling in others through whatever circumstantial solution available. I am scared but I am also very tired, everything is devoid of worth and purpose. I've tried for years to get better, it doesn't seem like I will. Death comes from us all in the end. Sorry.",3.0640517241379333,5.268268551724142,3.84205459770115,86.88653017241379,76.12643678160919,7.108620689655173,23.518678160919546,8.07648339933343,1.2490471264367815,352,11,71,6,8,112,63,87,0.204,0.612,0.184,-0.6166,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,2,0,2,1,6,0,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,3,16,14,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,4,11,12,5,7,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,4,4,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751915070728066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804650864201093,0.15208774337018038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35330777289771204,0.0,0.14813133059262798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30461724323570194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545497076490547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694991371750732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984383245042657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526351079575292,0.0,0.0,0.1707985590659112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401268104027827,0.0,0.15184692309984574,0.0,0.1444060318662508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298129083769965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876428591890584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216546513625902,0.0,0.0,0.31309822809917104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849981240617731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976467491078173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23350386024114556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206850920029523,0.0,0.0,0.14188789892052595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977495410544921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073885747389453
suicidewatch,bsaiiasd,2019/02/27,"Chance of overdose and in need of advice! I took 12 x 500mg paracetamol pills last night (24 hours ago) and I feel fine apart from very tired. Will this be fatal or will I be fine? ( I do not want it to be so need advice on what to do) any advice welcome :)
",-0.3188484848484876,1.6044244181818217,1.5013636363636393,100.6253787878788,86.63636363636363,4.393939393939394,14.62121212121212,5.46131890053228,-1.1368787878787885,193,3,48,1,6,63,41,55,0.128,0.68,0.192,0.4547,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,8,12,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,7,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6834951571972112,0.20667362292579453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855016029251295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788776823434335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296060248005305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004856618143207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457559018752122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187957090111076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679719065253344,0.0,0.0,0.2590384986666644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237336793162285,0.13751805402723669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-0918,2019/02/27,"i’m going to end it next week hopefully. im tired of being alive trying to convince myself things will get better soon. i’ve decided to kill myself through overdosing on iron supplements and paracetamol, and i hope i don’t survive long enough to go through all the pain that i know the overdose will cause me, however i just don’t know any other way of killing my self in a fast easy way that’s accessible to me such as a gun. i know another option can be to simply keep fighting and life is about fighting and staying strong and over coming obstacles but this fight is a fight i won’t do anymore cause i’ve done all i can think of doing to help myself. i can’t just wait till one day i wake up and i don’t feel suicidal, depressed, constantly anxious around everyone and having to hide all of it! i hate feeling myself being awkward and uncomfortable all the time and knowing i can’t just stop it!that’s all my life is just hiding the fact i really want to die. Ive spent too long trying to convince myself that there’s things to wait for that’ll come in the future and that things will get better. i’ve lived 15 years and that’s enough experience for me to know that i’m done with life itself and everything my future has to offer even if that’s a job , kids, money, happiness. i can’t live with having to get to that point alone cause no one will see or even acknowledge my cries for help. i want to be happy but it’s a lot easier said than done , and i don’t know where to start . i told my dad recently about how i just keep sleeping and i want to be motivated i didn’t say why but it’s cause i reached a point where i was like to myself i need to tell someone at least something for once cause my mood last week was very bad cause i had no school for the week so i really was able to just not fake my emotions and be real to myself. i tried studying but was just too overwhelmed with negative emotions. i also told my dad how i can’t an do things i just keep sleeping and that  i  think i should go to the doctor and he said that “that’s something youll have to book yourself then i don’t know your doctors” it’s like he doesn’t even care and he’s even been drunk before and said that even if i have a mental illness that that’s not his problem. they just don’t care.the emotional and mental abuse i’ve been through has built up since i was very young to the point i just feel like i’m in a never ending cycle of pain that no matter what i do won’t go. i may get hope and it’ll go and fade a way that’s all it is. life right now is something i’m struggling with the most, but also in my mind i just think i’m a failure anyway but i have important exams this year and last year i tried to help myself by telling my school i needed help cause of my mental state and that i needed to be prepared for the exams i’d have however they practically didn’t help. they just threw me in with the councillor which didn’t help me for about 8 months and i’ve been worse and worse. my concentration is bad i can barely even work without wanting to sleep im always tired even if i get enough sleep . in school and the people around me make me think i’m lazy but i know the true things i suffer with and cry to myself alone about. studying makes me sad cause i know my potential i know i can do it but i just can’t and the reason why just makes me hate myself cause i don’t know. i was studying last week and just started crying cause i just could focus or anything even with no distraction, i felt so stupid that’s all life is for me a bunch of confusion. no one will help me until i haveva failed suicide attempt i hope i don’t live to see people only give a shit when i  try fucking die next week because i’m honestly ready and just feel slightly numb towards the thought of it. i want to die and that’s it. i can’t stand my thoughts anymore , constantly being anxious and trying to cover it up and looking like a fucking weirdo, and just thinking like a complete crazy person always talking to myself . constantly talking to myself ! but genuinely if next week i get to a stage where i feel like i’ve reached a point where i need to force myself to keep going cause thinking of my best friend  really does help me keep going then i will cause i don’t wanna to cause others pain. she knows about what i go through cause she has it similar but isn’t recovering well, however i just haven’t told her much about how i’ve been doing recently 
if you read this thanks very much i don’t know if it makes sense cause my minds everywhere and honestly this took me a few days to get down and write x
ps- if anyone can tell me abit more information about paracetamol and iron supplement over dose i would appreciate it just cause i am curious about the pain and everything pretty much cause in actual fact if i could just die in my sleep i would but it isn’t that easy. 
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suicidewatch,PUR3_AnVrchy,2019/02/27,Mom died last November and IDK what to do anymore. My mom died from cancer last November and i knew it was coming for years. She was originally diagnosed when i was 6. She was everything to me. It was always just me and her. My dad isnt around at all and im 19 now. So now i live on my own. My best friend moved in to try and distract me from my depression but its not working. Instead i find myself hiding it until he is gone and its just gotten worse. What do you do when every time you wake up ur crying or about to because u have dreams every night about the one person u loved more than everything else. These dreams feel real to the point where i dnt think im sleeping until it ends. I just want her back or i want the pain to stop.,0.4886199095022618,2.6097775000000003,2.3606184012066365,94.48242081447964,84.8974358974359,5.4654600301659135,17.509803921568626,6.794906146795322,-0.11659155354449435,574,13,130,7,17,190,97,156,0.17600000000000002,0.711,0.113,-0.8783,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,14,6,0,1,3,0,11,6,2,1,1,25,20,14,2,2,7,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,4,2,0,3,2,3,0,1,8,1,22,3,19,12,4,25,0,1,0,1,14,7,0,2,15,90,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881008181547555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160616839661086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711055216567932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979425934217213,0.0,0.08704152688469294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984596989834714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299821170568333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568446291122393,0.0,0.0,0.1229820883219519,0.14492562783671428,0.2963803749116267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928007530349573,0.0,0.12646675089871615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406081269441345,0.0,0.2566551935288689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219731202326153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305045767422602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031675144084414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084685596696251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327806495564328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260833877584904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887068975727053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344604215048515,0.0,0.15175980429263208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339957682583714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967560520451048,0.0,0.15193525541553912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467595329375546,0.0,0.0,0.13497970808760384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252267370577209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288994995244178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937618429603307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914920358321378,0.0,0.0,0.0832601494236368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694288548253964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843874481871424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395051355876384,0.0,0.14551197942018354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195003772076717
suicidewatch,Dontwannabehere77,2019/02/27,"My current situation and view I've never been on reddit before but I just needed to say what I have to say. Just in need for another set of ears to hear and possibly give an opinion.

I'm Adam, I'm 19 years old and I currently reside in Ukraine. I'm a medicine student and soon to be a dentist if life continued.

Recently I've been having severe and heavy suicidal thoughts. Everyone I lie my eyes on is greatly better than me, I believe and am convinced that I have absolutely nothing going on for me and honestly I have no quirks whatsoever.

I tried to align my pros and cons about myself and it doesn't look good whatsoever, I'm a short person, I don't find myself that attractive, I'm not rich by any means and I'm not that smart.

All my classmates and friends are significantly blessed, even the failing students of my class are attractive and have their way with the girls. And I had a dentist's appointment today and the dentist said that I have a very interesting set of teeth (in a bad way) I have around 5 different occlusial bites and she said that in 5 years time I'd have severe problems and I need to perform sugery.

I'm a shy and awkward person and I'm aware of it, and I believe that I could be mentally ill because my rationalizations of things are always not accurate the slightest.

Ironically enough, a classmate has commited suicide a year ago and she was the topic of discussion for a while.

I left class early today because I was extremely, and I mean extremely depressed, I couldn't lift my eyes from the ground.

That's the gist of it, I really needed to get this off my chest, and I don't know what's stopping me from ending it, I just need the perfect opportunity.

To whomever it concerns, thanks for reading.",6.169809384164225,6.276406061583579,6.977388563049852,75.4060828445748,66.09677419354838,10.22175953079179,34.93856304985337,10.008157457239328,3.4194843401759534,1381,61,263,29,20,460,177,341,0.157,0.7140000000000001,0.129,-0.8867,3,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,5,7,20,0,1,19,0,26,10,5,0,4,51,51,25,2,9,8,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,16,24,0,1,5,1,1,1,9,5,0,0,8,10,38,15,34,39,2,35,1,2,4,0,14,12,0,2,18,170,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444552062063924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886537936752461,0.0,0.0,0.07245410527635973,0.11172149364532236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948474447071286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896044251794387,0.12989742028119433,0.0,0.09066176201306066,0.2400789678208103,0.0,0.09423020133123416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506733872886314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917668645391428,0.0,0.0,0.11131662019709368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943670526072573,0.11008924093048213,0.0,0.07037182360505652,0.0,0.0,0.10180810499316524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738000044602822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231623420939448,0.0,0.05566525107527687,0.10220746327564063,0.06055185488600971,0.08936470808478353,0.0,0.1174659981940197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008371265362593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058554225752028885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157612172931311,0.0,0.07525573036793229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947078281700256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23211700435040197,0.0,0.0,0.10737208056707263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950080288183143,0.08217390408793475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223259177315076,0.0,0.1118008258551242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860615878833527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201132329580446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194896710261328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657361444305127,0.0,0.06825531552784217,0.0,0.10520011847976296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269697221559693,0.16945737394155574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407305535880568,0.0,0.0,0.1197607989203724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890762084378951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330853969875685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809212044160368,0.0,0.0,0.07078361883567823,0.0,0.0,0.08458465567044092,0.06212711914328305,0.0,0.2019839905963003,0.0,0.0,0.07233691313503185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791060334956896,0.0,0.16914057726060194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058340390301673
suicidewatch,C14H20ClNO2,2019/02/27,"I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself I don't want to live but I know it would be selfish, I know lots of people care about me. I guess I just don't care about myself",-1.152857142857144,0.14088442857142702,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,85.66666666666667,4.2,12.88095238095238,3.1291,-1.7691619047619052,134,1,38,0,4,46,23,42,0.136,0.496,0.3670000000000001,0.8795,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,13,2,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,6,11,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355085485241108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725537017987729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893008720853816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290545433581896,0.0,0.28865351227296765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318945313376656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326653169183164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206470464894994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646927460062252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655470423840914,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fourparttest,2019/02/27,I can’t keep this contained I have to end this. Please help me. Please. One part of me still Wants to be alive. But I am not sure. ,-3.0967816091954035,-2.0524688965517237,-1.4981034482758613,114.41192528735633,117.27586206896551,1.933333333333333,8.281609195402298,3.1291,-2.776866666666667,98,1,28,0,6,30,23,29,0.06,0.615,0.324,0.8219,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27531591199208805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835247707621107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27629282238718145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063623853898172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366142389922353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6824277047125192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482407728238719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929672077841928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334410552583305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lonelyasthesun1,2019/02/27,"I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m such a bitch, I’m sorry I’m so fat and can’t control my diet, I’m sorry you think I’m so mean I guess I didn’t realize, I’m sorry that you call me names, I’m sorry that I left work crying thinking about crashing the car on the freeway to die, I’m sorry that I’m bipolar, I’m sorry that I’m most likely schizophrenic cause of the voices I hear that I choose to ignore daily, I’m sorry you don’t care, Im sorry that you just stare as I bleed, I’m sorry I cut myself again, words cut so deep in my arms and legs, alone, hell, fat, crazy, everything you always tell me, I’m sorry you feel this way, I’m sorry I’m not strong enough, I’m sorry I can’t take the abuse, 
I’m sorry you think I deserve to be treated this way, I’m sorry I was ever born, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry that you can’t stand my ugly fat ass, let my arms and legs speak the truth of the lies you spread like fire, burning wild, burning my soul till I’m dead and alive, wanting my demise, death will be my only sunrise. Wishing I was dead cause my family only lies...can’t even afford to go inpatient and I don’t trust doctors anyways after the last time when I was sexually assaulted on ward and nothing happened...so...fml...uglies like me don’t deserve to breathe...? 

SOS if any aliens want to abuduct me right now...js lol",-2.1142470844546963,-0.55646230103806,0.9512014609765488,97.77518870947071,109.72664359861591,3.1095988722286303,14.00237088299372,5.1859237379243,-1.0145648340381903,1021,25,232,7,54,354,136,289,0.28800000000000003,0.633,0.079,-0.9937,1,1,0,0,1,1,48.0,0,9,0,3,11,14,5,0,8,1,14,14,9,3,2,29,52,13,4,4,3,0,2,3,0,1,7,3,0,0,9,6,4,2,7,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,4,6,35,8,15,44,2,19,2,0,1,1,14,6,3,3,11,101,44,2,0.0,0.05317621764787153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648280616013327,0.0,0.0,0.03734428651808445,0.0,0.0,0.03052037318068352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582814983168823,0.0,0.04575880205554124,0.09220955729427907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050337452319636315,0.0,0.0,0.049299273924304464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657901699043946,0.0,0.0,0.045937235227142124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046373696887990964,0.0,0.029643238428510868,0.04059710695904725,0.0,0.0,0.04033582393446368,0.0,0.04230947167278006,0.0,0.022692999321552814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025506701115893798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944108316005491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050583741378508816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847879110130718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658371049016872,0.0,0.0,0.04876294501409467,0.04589349358947603,0.0,0.06577923884006091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888817250130386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430641830472384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826749590736947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03832782002774416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9545638063186592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0337446546633115,0.0,0.03922765621495549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627310278797808,0.0,0.0,0.02617026121102979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294352677095158,0.07124832358773375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051610519310767385,0.0,0.0,0.032673639330284984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatever_o,2019/02/27,"I'm so done, get me out of this pls All day, all I've been thinking about is whether or not I think the pills I have at home will actually kill me, or just make me vomit and be slightly more damaged. I didn't go to work today, I called in sick and have just been sleeping and googling stuff like morphine and nausea. I don't want to fail this.

Do you guys think it'll work? I have like 34 pills with codeine in them and it adds up to over 1000mg codeine in total. Plus I have other stuff too. So the dosage should be enough. I'm just scared that my body will try to keep me alive, you know, and make me vomit or something. Does anybody know anything about this stuff?

I'm just ready. I mean, I've been through some stuff in life and I've been going to therapy for two years now and we've kinda concluded that I'm not really sick anymore. So I guess this shit is just my life. I have lots of insight and I'm not an emotional mess like I used to be. So now, instead of thinking of suicide in a messy, confused way of getting out of the pain, I'm like ""well yeah my life probably won't get any better"". I've never liked people, I don't see the value in family, friendships, or talking to anyone. It gives me somewhat of a decent feeling for 5 minutes, and then I'm back to just..nothing. No one seems to really like me, they never have, so I don't see the point in sticking around. Nothing makes me genuinely happy. I'm not on antidepressants or anything so, this is really just who I am I guess.

I really wish I could get help from a doctor or something, someone who could monitor me and make sure it works. That's the only thing!! THE ONLY THING! That would really make me happy. If someone could just finally show me some real fucking empathy and put me out of my misery. I feel like human beings generally are shit, so it doesn't surprise me that doctors won't help set me free when I've finally had enough. I read somewhere that in some countries they do have assisted suicide, but yeah, not here.

I don't know how to do this the best way, I really really don't want to fail this. I'll feel so stupid and next time I'll probably be too scared to try again. Advice?",1.8836666666666664,3.651322644444445,3.3508333333333336,91.07625000000002,78.1111111111111,6.455555555555558,22.805555555555557,7.365786028017652,0.7620888888888886,1690,52,370,22,40,555,202,450,0.11,0.773,0.117,-0.5806,0,0,2,0,0,3,56.0,0,2,3,8,29,28,5,3,12,2,43,17,4,8,6,88,85,34,3,9,21,0,3,7,0,7,12,0,1,2,27,20,0,1,14,2,1,3,17,13,1,2,7,5,44,16,44,63,12,38,0,3,2,1,14,17,3,17,22,240,71,8,0.0,0.0,0.06821020561885102,0.0,0.0,0.06830335693973316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753292577398648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931987177931777,0.048874192543042566,0.0,0.1150399276489176,0.062223893758953375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374712179477833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335346713787322,0.061818956268400324,0.0,0.07764073910212252,0.0,0.0,0.0713735061957713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742320461345592,0.0,0.0,0.045078322090960334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308679513105496,0.06116806782518791,0.07152975483281722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862565816195656,0.0,0.14444630011518467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589345958035887,0.0,0.10602733911096347,0.049935028419670666,0.0,0.153139326790316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461942360034452,0.14607493874690186,0.0670523740083174,0.07944910265044704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540006946913584,0.06920984753734187,0.0,0.14881509357079806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937020929540864,0.0,0.07011322921192155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212840876473193,0.0773315999507401,0.0,0.11524206899560825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811272730517902,0.23903986594141466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942464109082383,0.0,0.0,0.2332867434168636,0.0,0.0,0.07613923528959553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781904127232174,0.0,0.0743371421774952,0.0,0.0,0.13413771870897595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736458303747301,0.10632090887390147,0.07437622628602343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845835892682754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607604854638792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072337992249962,0.0,0.0,0.07026663167585058,0.0,0.0,0.0699167519282011,0.07955904061299111,0.3134484076510244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995985638740135,0.0,0.11139905210319748,0.06363236524413864,0.0,0.0,0.14349824958286325,0.0,0.0,0.06994831596257968,0.0,0.11844842021595235,0.10762153899866436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32006519989715504,0.15291377668319905,0.0,0.06587788377061705,0.0,0.0,0.05618123336076674,0.0,0.0,0.07993426778716485,0.0,0.09287403349464114,0.1791508453205018,0.0,0.0,0.04075799061385715,0.0,0.0662549761392202,0.0,0.0,0.09491208564792394,0.0,0.06828002978668643,0.0,0.0,0.060369288499255866,0.0,0.0,0.08245511001187397,0.11096329840292184,0.0,0.0,0.06284654947897331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037906250465647,0.0,0.0,0.15265937253041734,0.0,0.0,0.04965341764019457,0.0,0.0,0.045011915067532916
suicidewatch,emilliexx,2019/02/27,"What constitutes as a suicide attempt Odd question (possibly) but im interested to know what people consider to be an actual suicide attempt. Like method vs intent. What if the method was never going to work does the intent make it a legit attempt?

Context. 
When i was 10 i remember a couple times where i tried to smother myself with a pillow. Having watched a movie where someone tried to kill another person with a pillow my idiot 10 yr old self didnt realise you cant smother yourself. I remember trying to do it and just thinking ""i want to die"" over an over again. 

Another couple times i remember trying to ""drown"" myself in the pool. Holding myself under, holding my breath and hoping that i would pass out and subsequently drown. 

I've never really considered them to be true attempts because the method was never going to work but i just remember how much i really badly wanted to pass out and never wake up. ",4.348217054263563,6.642461883720928,5.827348837209303,73.70679844961244,72.6046511627907,8.075038759689923,28.90852713178295,8.841846274778883,2.8246103875969,732,30,114,15,15,247,98,172,0.222,0.7,0.079,-0.9866,0,0,3,0,0,3,17.0,0,1,1,6,7,9,4,0,12,0,10,2,2,4,5,36,18,10,6,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,8,0,2,7,1,0,4,6,5,0,0,4,1,16,4,21,11,1,22,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,3,10,84,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.11218178386222084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24108559466603444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959845795397224,0.0700769292287982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25439622676303625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930757249353377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059994544479843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066581431205454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141785800473516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417365709768527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127183267557782,0.0,0.06317754925678151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056162351015199743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673491903586728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450687418378369,0.0,0.3546487589212228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062839345401505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969694707891217,0.10037631769802877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959713144760004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287785332579633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472892350095841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208970395877713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992557989665854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740298357798224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251489349574541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366002354831057,0.0,0.0,0.13406510220044016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121939592900277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135609638554312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738062951503152,0.0,0.0,0.08166239810005016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bzach93,2019/02/27,"I feel like everyday i am getting just a little bit closer, to really going through with it. Hi everyone, i just feel that every day i'm getting a little closer to really going through with suicide. A few weeks ago, i bought a rope made a noose, which was just sitting in my trunk until i through it out. Then yesterday, i was on an empty highway and just closed my eyes, let my hands off the wheel  and kind of just thought id just let myself hit something and hopefully that would do it.  I finally opened my eyes and put my hand on the wheel again like nothing happened. I just wonder whats next, the fact that im getting a little closer every time really worries me.

​

I just feel that i constantly let everyone around me down. My family and friends are constantly having to deal with my failures and shortcomings. Every time i hurt one of them or let them down i really feel like they would be better off without me. Its gotten to the point where it seems im just kind of watching my life happen on autopilot and im just watching myself go through the daily motions. I do have people who care about me, and really thats the only things thats really keeps me from acting on my thoughts thoroughly. But the fact that i just constantly hurt my friends  makes me think even though it would be short term pain for them, in the long term theyd be better off.

​

Ive done some counseling, and as i talked just made me realize how pathetic i am, and made me feel worse than better. Ive never tried medication, but i wonder is it really worth a try. I read so many posts about how people have tried everything for years but yet still don't feel better. I know some people can work through it, but i feel thats the minority. And is it really worth fighting something im not sure i want to fight for? 

​

sorry for taking up your time to read this",5.7809017199017205,5.911681856756754,6.245307125307129,80.24184275184278,66.91891891891892,9.646191646191648,29.52088452088452,9.457814108942452,2.4335945945945943,1477,47,290,27,22,479,172,370,0.087,0.828,0.085,-0.1928,0,0,2,0,3,1,42.0,0,1,5,5,24,19,2,0,17,0,28,7,4,6,4,70,63,23,1,5,19,0,9,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,22,18,0,1,15,2,3,6,4,5,0,1,10,13,49,14,42,41,6,56,0,2,4,0,14,25,0,7,26,199,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055941838645831375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513395767204973,0.2300510454235422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617990575845362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325720410224054,0.06889808918769305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434327702054334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459346428072728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069973339550082,0.0650620472253306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458186144699019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041682540108383744,0.0,0.15951478849868406,0.120605668642392,0.05671781114629883,0.0,0.0594930359656313,0.0,0.22336672144540973,0.0901693873909696,0.0,0.06913222901415625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751487337490718,0.0,0.0989146909256061,0.0,0.10759796992422012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161319873948476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268093653828125,0.0,0.0,0.13511781513416152,0.0,0.2726718485039294,0.0,0.0,0.056093695499778905,0.0,0.13143549141443073,0.03468275708076046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581306886385672,0.04457536892964152,0.09249481185607188,0.1897537567974052,0.0,0.055848997800635236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914424137200122,0.042125384536772496,0.06398206928963125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357513024209252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867313190902875,0.0,0.06711655908360008,0.0,0.0,0.06055426573686495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276392315855038,0.04799682469107338,0.06715184683885171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312543722318937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059657889533679974,0.0,0.0604404562195973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344142912054974,0.0,0.0,0.12625106842332032,0.0,0.3234311440404667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574515683067298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716794551537886,0.0,0.07064474991372957,0.0,0.0,0.050398494615610016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690304081299576,0.0,0.0594789730796474,0.0,0.047449705093428926,0.050724186561330604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192645408328885,0.04043735050414169,0.062003737765101326,0.10020212982753073,0.1103971448874954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853949756892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03722300253110938,0.0,0.05062179689390128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083429971463208,0.1368768573735588,0.04594370770777776,0.06408970059511229,0.06431290834058084,0.13449130977325985,0.0,0.2300510454235422,0.040639776679640124
suicidewatch,Frowawai5746222,2019/02/27,"Seems like the only option I was suicidal a lot as a teenager, but then I fell in love with a wonderful girl who made life worth living. I felt truly happy for the first time in my life. I could see a future that I wanted to live. For 2 years I was with her and happy. I didn’t know anything else in life, where I would end up, but I knew it would be with her. But 4 months ago she committed suicide and now I just feel so lost and alone. For the first little bit I just wanted to join her. I thought that there was no way I would ever be happy again without her, so I thought maybe I should just kill myself so I could have some slim chance at seeing her again. But now it seems like my suicidal thoughts are strongest when I’m NOT thinking of her. In the moments where I’m not crying over her or too depressed to leave bed, I guess you could say when I feel most clearheaded, is when I start fantasizing about killing myself. It really seems like the only logical option. If I kill my self, I don’t have to figure out what to do with my future, I don’t have to worry about missing her, I don’t have to worry about finding someone else to live my life with. Sure I’ll be “missing out”, but I’ll be dead, I don’t think I’ll care. It seems like I’m trying to build a case in my head for why it’s completely logical to do it, and illogical to go on living. Like, I feel like if I’m going to die anyway, i might as well get it over with now. 

I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll attempt any time soon. I know she regretted it from the last words I had with her. But I’m scared that these thoughts will get stronger and that I might act on them. I’m in therapy so I’ll probably talk this stuff over with my therapist, but I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening. ",3.8736327231121273,3.6841635921052633,4.9513729977116725,88.99069794050344,70.97368421052632,8.292906178489702,25.46910755148741,7.893859768569023,1.0745400457665903,1375,34,324,16,23,454,170,380,0.184,0.63,0.18600000000000005,-0.643,0,1,0,0,0,4,36.0,0,1,1,4,27,23,3,1,11,0,33,7,2,1,3,80,79,25,8,13,17,0,4,6,0,7,4,2,1,2,18,15,0,0,24,0,1,4,11,9,1,2,13,8,55,14,50,52,4,48,0,5,2,1,20,19,0,16,30,215,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770340705454521,0.0,0.0,0.07910330992653558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193882939140975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285158211981172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338366221901679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787121733564663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007960057764499,0.0,0.0,0.1829419317028521,0.0,0.08389630632352184,0.0,0.0,0.06578320859671538,0.0,0.07926703917949376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760599827481026,0.0,0.06764715714649401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908717005679636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585518432200698,0.05456358680878557,0.0733336861656152,0.0,0.06980699313047653,0.12993209990173907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971114545964015,0.0,0.08681336822149692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413763383476049,0.0,0.0,0.24391350721578314,0.0,0.0,0.07838461086086733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25349877233547274,0.0,0.12592404239403449,0.062257269477169815,0.0,0.08087198195902871,0.0,0.0,0.21578871344264852,0.22388302026221846,0.0765495983421776,0.269768383694517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337427751597172,0.0649328069965175,0.06893302579243897,0.07226955583800243,0.0,0.0,0.0767307411288206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620473874655597,0.0,0.0,0.06096321702514423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617596554015065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234708665225504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892892093188443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073788090195705,0.07646648069925642,0.0,0.1217248100624858,0.27812220757476896,0.07967763857409099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471379774233492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054059877909888206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743313998085285,0.25063140221503083,0.0,0.07198421115709575,0.0,0.0,0.06138876256846744,0.0,0.0703174773717121,0.08734350409788846,0.08867932818325634,0.0,0.14681746976830373,0.0,0.2425385274300856,0.0890718291104371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185482003664337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514701088630687,0.060624332824169985,0.0,0.0,0.06867189759679351,0.0,0.06891816419569359,0.0,0.0,0.07362449029488329,0.08282735976715642,0.0,0.15512865477538795,0.0,0.16276761921475494,0.0,0.0,0.04918414213317101
suicidewatch,akisaini1996,2019/02/27,"Somebody fucking kill me I'm just fucking done with life. I feel so hollow inside. I have lost appetite, sexual desire or interest in anything at all. 2019 has been the worst year. I was so excited for my good score in a competitive exam but it all turned out to be useless. I have thought of different ways of killing myself but I'm a failure at that too. I have even thought of weird methods such as hiring an assassin through the dark web to kill me lol. I wish I wasn't born in the first place. Fuck human life",1.6390996503496496,3.9672688365384654,3.0741958041958064,89.86171328671331,81.78846153846153,6.08951048951049,25.8006993006993,7.348242739294969,1.332530769230769,405,17,83,6,11,132,75,104,0.276,0.595,0.129,-0.9744,1,0,1,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,13,6,0,6,1,9,5,0,0,2,13,20,6,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,0,1,7,1,11,3,15,12,3,11,0,2,0,3,1,7,3,1,3,56,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411428343973381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791974360089074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552014413050632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328452422441115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672350821475812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589119510444934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756905949337504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385925956181508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.569270240094655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229326946926524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872296837651946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791974360089074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723286674532909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655986582002135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614120567306678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723462870614492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045050886458244
suicidewatch,BitterSuiteLife,2019/02/27,"The sacrifices I’ve been making are so hard to manage. I was given up for adoption at 4 and then abused for years before being adopted. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and anorexia. When it gets bad, I resort to drugs and sex. I hate myself for it... I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. I’ve been a disaster since. Sleeping with people I don’t care about just because I can’t seem to fall asleep alone. I’ve been not eating so that I can afford cbd just to sleep. I feel like I can’t crawl out of this hole. I don’t want to kill myself, but on the days I haven’t eaten or haven’t slept, I can’t seem to not think about it. I just want to be okay for once. I’m tired of feeling so bad all the time. I’m so tired of feeling bad that on the truly bad days, the idea of feeling nothing at all offers me relief. ",1.3674576271186467,2.7861800960452,3.0120000000000005,94.4851186440678,78.54802259887006,5.623954802259886,20.274576271186444,6.079149491110277,-0.0998366101694912,635,15,148,4,15,210,99,177,0.235,0.648,0.117,-0.9727,1,1,1,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,2,1,7,1,15,10,4,1,2,27,33,11,1,2,7,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,8,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,7,5,18,4,27,24,3,16,1,2,0,1,1,7,0,3,9,92,24,1,0.0,0.16448741153254154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306184720951152,0.0,0.0,0.1437830068448886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620235100211137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636593165199343,0.08462771120592844,0.0,0.11813163643208525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154348010961235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906398837887316,0.0,0.11957157722887347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099536053753244,0.14205478083946016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28078061083845085,0.09917810750138463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253142952348576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436181257974112,0.13706301912670052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671889705264724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535916164643119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782390830571809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266816681386487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332083459961416,0.0,0.0,0.14784632996166058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624523071448528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527659545003689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148392111666712,0.0,0.2778547172046767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513222681614152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895479965903781,0.0,0.0,0.08095119803815284,0.319122656780469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376764014366146,0.0,0.11135872516218084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940010034423881
suicidewatch,HazardousMutation,2019/02/27,"How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? My mum is suicidal and I don't know what to do. 

My dad died of cancer on the 23rd of November. He was 56 years old. He and my mum were together for 35 years and she spent the last year caring for him. Ever since he died, she tells me that if it weren't for my brother and I, she wouldn't be here anymore. She says she has no purpose in life and that she just wants to be with him. She says ""I'm 53 years old and I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. If he's gone then what's the point? What's the point if you just end up ashes in a box?"" and so on. 

I've tried to get her to speak to someone repeatedly since he died, and at first she kept saying she would but now she just flat out refuses. I'm not only scared and upset, I'm actually fucking angry. I'm angry that she's putting this on me. I'm hurt that my dad is gone too. I feel like my soul has been torn out and all I do is lay in bed and cry, day after day. I have a daughter of my own and I am struggling to care for her through the intensity of my grief. I'm in school trying to become a nurse, a career choice I now have lost faith in. I haven't been able to go to work in months. I have chronic physical and mental health problems. I have had depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a child, but losing my dad is a pain unlike anything I've ever felt. I know my brother is feeling suicidal too. I am just so incredibly broken by life and beyond stressed.

So what do I do? She says it every time I see her in different ways... ""I'm really bad"", ""I'm suicidal"", ""I don't want to do it anymore"", etc. and every time I try my best to listen and I try to get her to see someone. But she just smiles and laughs this stupid laugh at me. The other day I snapped and said that if she isn't going to get help, stop telling me about it because it's destroying me. I already lost my dad and it has left me utterly ruined, I am terrified of what would happen to me if I lost her too. But hearing her say it over and over... I just want her to stop.

I know it was wrong to push her away like that. I know I sound like I don't care. But I'm so close to breaking point. At what point do I say sorry, I need to look after myself instead of you? I've done everything I can think of to get her to get professional help and she just won't. I am trying to grieve the loss of my dad and I have to deal with this on top of it.

I honestly don't know what to do. I feel I've been given a responsibility I can't handle and it's just too much. Is there anything I can actually do to get her help when she won't help herself?
",0.940895725760182,2.1268218571428577,3.16470417383821,93.93205912937464,79.13769363166953,6.4251434308663224,20.71001864601262,7.083569544072883,0.20000427423981648,2013,50,503,23,48,691,218,581,0.202,0.69,0.108,-0.9958,1,1,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,3,0,9,28,32,3,4,15,0,56,8,0,1,3,76,110,41,9,14,19,10,4,3,0,5,7,11,1,1,28,29,0,4,11,0,1,7,14,21,0,1,21,18,90,11,70,80,6,63,2,10,3,1,69,28,1,5,29,328,118,4,0.06354196092117237,0.0,0.1240155756420112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581030826158027,0.07012013394746693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603310199913326,0.0,0.0,0.1045792394243493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596997639588876,0.0,0.053054883219698125,0.038734589602388236,0.07017710359910709,0.0,0.0,0.06668336775931519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943557920265092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979786037128657,0.12293792429665608,0.06550897159158761,0.054728597832458335,0.0,0.19783957036298366,0.06638782494564413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650254873199808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627931712294795,0.0,0.07086608298591185,0.0,0.11495468299823425,0.10707368523678053,0.0,0.05710741726665736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638617399214312,0.04539438957836967,0.061010247194449925,0.0,0.0,0.05404875949912344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874351897010657,0.199188311901548,0.0,0.10833708214969896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618994619204419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754213310315645,0.07161640804721531,0.0,0.25554502199046464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802298337220973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460499978218494,0.05179517898330576,0.0,0.0,0.0690385264621222,0.0,0.13464469847297764,0.09313017743299062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335924372198996,0.07108720086665785,0.20809066938570814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403535137983397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507185869816114,0.0,0.04671065250879081,0.04711555888578598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335319815687707,0.0,0.0,0.04832652459097224,0.06761312646147873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24027076658936505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080107507229391,0.0,0.06387722113314878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040706607251002384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604429557986727,0.30318670627248195,0.063616587866801,0.06430785679561639,0.10126943209752157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768770009549998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151669186115705,0.0,0.0,0.07113002299428961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624784910153216,0.07278710154932692,0.06642785399364734,0.0,0.2780183678807142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110769491408052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040715122846358136,0.0,0.050445219265500364,0.07410365680809873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215704102308082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991477946698736,0.050436650944398725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046259304331715566,0.0,0.0,0.09027677186095616,0.06947315928316486,0.0,0.16367575811285007
suicidewatch,SierraNiners76,2019/02/27,"I've got ripped hair in my face. Today they announced a new pokemon game which should've been great for me. Except I had to go to school which I'm already on a reduced timetable for after some incidents last year. Anyway, it starts at 2 and I leave school at 2. My mum says I'll be able to get home on time so I go to school. We get home, I turn on the tv and it's started. I went crazy and she just went outside and drove away. I went up and just sat until she got back when she was adamant it was my fault for leaving late. I pulled out my hair and now I'm typing this with strands in my face. I've got it all planned out. I'll stop eating. She wouldn't care enough to notice anyway. It won't get better.",-0.24943453510436345,1.704323335483874,1.2123339658444046,102.61026565464896,86.61290322580645,3.9051233396584437,16.859582542694493,4.514644488427479,-1.1118197343453509,547,12,137,1,17,174,93,155,0.093,0.879,0.028,-0.7531,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,2,8,4,0,0,3,0,7,5,4,0,1,17,26,9,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,8,10,1,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,0,12,3,19,3,23,11,3,32,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,14,77,27,4,0.13589587955113594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996448234979445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276786522570942,0.10449554302279022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018886200146628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385549061879807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905541122433454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041677083474605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299996450965236,0.0,0.15446552014136752,0.0,0.3260650476056948,0.1498256869597268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726292949250685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077327961560457,0.15329647134155275,0.28778822925733183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124908729131218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471835958079333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806985788027586,0.0,0.4126016557214964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923756059970949,0.0,0.0,0.11361504031942835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924198021198163,0.0,0.12881340392635585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478156934674681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779305254793803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751249090950443
suicidewatch,depressedetonator,2019/02/27,"I just realised what I'd been doing and I really wanna end it. Basic info: I'm a teenager who's been through physical and mental abuse for the last 11-ish years of my life. I have a history of self-harm and have also been through depression. Also, I've tried to kill myself previously. 

OK, long story short, I was trying to help a few people out on this same subreddit when I realised that I had been slowly cutting myself off from everyone. I literally pushed everyone away. I talk to people but only about music. 
I'm literally a worthless piece of shit who doesn't deserve to live. I really wanted to attempt to kill myself last week but ended up self harming.
It's not like anyone would care if I was gone. I have no friends, my family just barely knows me and I just feel numb inside. Just end it. I just feel all my pain coming back up again. ",2.8203747534516768,4.8141739171597635,4.653704142011836,81.76501380670615,76.10059171597632,7.3469033530572,23.100986193293885,8.238735603445708,1.4796742406311645,668,20,126,12,15,227,107,169,0.232,0.701,0.067,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,1,3,20.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,4,0,5,1,13,4,1,0,1,24,22,10,2,4,9,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,9,0,0,8,2,20,4,21,13,4,21,0,2,0,0,6,7,1,1,12,90,28,0,0.0,0.1703570250380232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996329673061505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053504853797947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508702314519752,0.11055874720909203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659435612938534,0.0,0.0,0.12385463754311075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383840189366242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820419836175132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747778969128445,0.0,0.0,0.13554397142034846,0.0,0.14540003123988102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108487737474854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637340253706517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318144842913584,0.0,0.07901830118821368,0.2344014809487648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015568029801201,0.07024415508616567,0.0,0.12696129540811651,0.1272416987782828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448974739651495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935196243729448,0.1529931673684817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993593433789814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842196360999175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29998997124530463,0.0,0.14758917473903038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556575626030012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523578070474407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480578456562397,0.0,0.11533248018133525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213792786729414,0.0,0.0,0.09259027782641133
suicidewatch,theguyandhistrash,2019/02/27,"I'm fucking done. [throwaway for reasons]

Life has been hell ever since 2019 started. many projects were due during this time, so the first month was panic.

At the end, things became depressing. I had gotten myself into drama with a friend group that I was part of. I overreacted over something small that I fucked up, and in the end, I was blocked by 2 of the people there on Twitter.

I've also been having trouble in my history class, because my teacher seems to fucking hate me, and he's really loud and I can't stand him anymore.

Its always during this time of year when I struggle, and during this period before, I was sent to a mental hospital 2 years ago. 

My stomach has also been hurting more and more, and I think that's because I've been more depressed, and I've been eating more as well. I'm kinda self conscious about how I look.

But right now, I really am suicidal. I had banged my head on the brick walls outside for a few minutes before heading on over to the counselors. I'm still in the waiting area and I'm too scared to tell them, since my therapist told me that I would be sent to the hospital again if I had anoter suicidal incident, and I don't want that happening. Not again.

",4.301094564408039,5.497067662447262,5.182079920575827,82.7404020848846,70.68776371308017,7.9393397865475315,28.28716803176967,8.313332769828598,1.9623360138992307,944,34,181,14,17,308,141,237,0.2,0.777,0.023,-0.9918,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,1,14,14,5,3,11,0,22,8,3,2,1,25,41,17,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,10,11,1,2,4,1,0,2,3,12,1,1,18,2,25,2,25,21,6,36,1,3,1,3,10,15,4,3,18,125,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852720634281317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958151722690537,0.10187194158114536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214181077396612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926493116472464,0.0,0.20835858998365825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108983333000156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252888566576057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125276914508688,0.0,0.0,0.21687407773223413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074535073773073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413927769713607,0.0,0.0,0.09458946148743062,0.3395549328954047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826484205202386,0.0,0.0,0.12087472190635765,0.2512979244942552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106432822572187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647624709408287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281074258075426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412525945021675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338109702381544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977228166387434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364575323090178,0.0,0.13258024591596584,0.0,0.08487785816736293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686416176449489,0.12587889272293218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455493482003432,0.0,0.0,0.12257423799176168,0.0,0.0,0.1114560829474508,0.1277216597899107,0.0,0.0,0.20255146577334876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425294134161033,0.0,0.0,0.0866569022156744,0.0,0.097773115022973,0.0,0.0,0.12799088819016174,0.0,0.26783808070658666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700960909669513,0.0,0.0,0.14215118805369192,0.0813373504279455,0.07844848843642127,0.0,0.0,0.14278035918358162,0.0,0.0,0.11698754102213604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722126511065934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007967729652697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697107853679402,0.0,0.0,0.15768239071869727
suicidewatch,T_Y_D_E,2019/02/27,"Hurt myself for the first time. Terrified now, but want to do it again. The specific reasoning for my hurting myself aren’t that important. Just know that it has to do with me disappointing my family again, and not wanting them to yell at me and take me out of college. And this was enough for me to get suicidal thoughts again (ones I didn’t have since I’ve left for college) to such a degree I actually did something.

A couple of days ago, I did something I thought I’d never do in my life. I hurt myself. Nothing to a serious extent but still enough to really hurt myself (mostly invoking pain in myself with a belt, and chocking myself). When I fell to the ground after chocking I reached a point where I was terrified about what I just did. 
My head was spinning, my body damaged, and my brain in complete shock. But I still did it again. I didn’t want to die that night, but I wanted to hurt myself so I could “teach myself a lesson”

Now it’s been a day and even now I just want to do it again, so that maybe this time I could actually cause real damage to myself. But I also am still panicking about what I’ve done, and have begun to have panic attacks in classes. 

But I don’t want to tell anyone either because I know if I do there will be action, and at least in my head I think my parents will see it as an excuse for me to not confront my problems. 

I’ve begun going to counseling for the first time last week if that helps at all.

I don’t know what to ask for, I don’t even know what advice I want but I want something. Some advice something to tell my counselor I don’t know. Help me.",3.281229674796748,4.3526099481707385,4.5619512195121965,86.69747967479677,72.99390243902441,7.2959349593495935,24.947154471544714,7.6454224807358475,1.146042276422765,1245,37,262,15,24,412,143,328,0.204,0.72,0.077,-0.9957,2,0,4,2,0,10,33.0,0,0,1,3,25,15,2,1,12,0,31,6,4,2,2,53,52,22,2,13,15,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,17,11,0,0,10,0,0,3,10,15,0,3,13,2,51,0,42,34,8,43,0,8,1,0,8,13,0,4,27,206,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.16397597984167409,0.0,0.0,0.16419991376734713,0.07447556293206277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718796915913773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058746294183587615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854409132405413,0.0955809041154258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121568198942505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332339753557227,0.0,0.09379020615551538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630809464371697,0.0,0.0,0.08808970762121286,0.0,0.0,0.13416068644297474,0.09296266540637037,0.0,0.10836739117585896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719586829795073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597805511749093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362301858642967,0.0,0.11098421911599037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920328418465407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429287934554158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389515651290605,0.0,0.04774851628305445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245034697797715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262898539859845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44970703447807264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308663712305513,0.06848466558248449,0.0,0.0,0.09128417914319527,0.0,0.059343342555416914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440587244242165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479870855767061,0.0,0.0,0.07884379905399283,0.0,0.08061610304306283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693175854622794,0.0,0.08939948554271933,0.09857526693241032,0.09329038676507853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942275430896505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803924491644999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956291769055549,0.0538231248410392,0.08638296066694921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695027729474835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949932161956708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258720042686659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128706965761053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190042067542467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316995621410124,0.0,0.14686825811109824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383438433876896,0.0,0.13339944139381765,0.1469721001421069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964408942761905,0.0,0.0673929729799251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MilitantComb,2019/02/27,"Anyone else set an age for themselves where you feel like it's too much Bit of a background, I'm nearly 20 in college never had a gf and don't have any college friends. Been dealing with this shit since i was 13, even though my anxiety has gotten better recently my loneliness hasn't changed, i feel like if I'm still like this after being done with college and ""stepping into the real world"" i wouldn't be able to take it anymore at all i mean what's the point of being alive if I'm going to be depressed and alone all the time. ",10.346454545454543,5.6270882818181835,9.724090909090913,74.32613636363641,61.63636363636363,12.090909090909092,40.22727272727273,8.07648339933343,3.3151818181818173,421,14,87,3,4,136,78,110,0.122,0.738,0.14,0.2617,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,13,1,1,0,3,16,22,6,0,3,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,2,7,5,12,12,4,16,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,2,9,57,12,3,0.18703446277987965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371129679728866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127189848375334,0.0,0.14308085209077095,0.0,0.18548792941826905,0.13077884514355906,0.19163890982821746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541678313440394,0.20419319185447185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978576617363734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928243184703549,0.16109250872802733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191401192402296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624329391451966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353449870208087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891404882766391,0.2672349151623975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450236198468994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629599540869178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741267731158476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373536099891013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374918506043193,0.0,0.14425250800473044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680802220795944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128861656984578,0.0,0.0,0.1846739679894159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919881882860953,0.15471684037232505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936596357827675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406266392843784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837604100553956,0.0,0.10906129933825466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xdeadinside420x,2019/02/27,What to do when Crisis number doesnt help? The crisis number is always what people tell you to call or text when you're having a hard time. I have nobody else who will listen to me so i tried but i feel worse now and it was no help. Theres no way in hell im going to the psych ward again that gave me PTSD. I just truly feel hopeless like i have no more options,-0.8272499999999994,1.2272607750000049,1.2475000000000025,100.3675,91.25,3.2,10.5,3.1291,-1.951775,282,2,67,0,10,93,60,80,0.319,0.563,0.118,-0.9669,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,7,3,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,13,6,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,4,8,1,5,10,1,8,1,1,0,0,8,1,1,2,6,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23199342624726035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846976201534219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329111547592989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819508500656093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845494815586986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976025707652785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737628188567769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30116416449598143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621317044980516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932927244062658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259156153037545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436934593609145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257717391902665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929464410536856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213075177576013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28413264387898185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ebba-20,2019/02/27,"How can I kill myself? Hey I’m tired of living, it’s so hard to be here. Do you know a good way how I can end my life in easy way? It’s has to be done in 8 days so if anyone have an idea then please tell me! ",-2.2811538461538454,-1.2323298846153836,0.946769230769231,106.79823076923077,88.23076923076924,4.16,10.4,3.1291,-2.2174661538461535,154,0,49,0,5,55,41,52,0.177,0.682,0.142,-0.4621,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,2,0,5,10,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,5,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600288293400125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155675481209953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222425419609914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356090782537296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311957318300535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23829592071398475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002969568531718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29430461731043234,0.0,0.14619410881372966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789326121155275,0.0,0.0,0.2348948681118293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29200303265934313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250759728595186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305743482427269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42229840185354495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,airisuhanta,2019/02/27,"I need help for someone that needs help. I have to open this post despite knowing that /r/suicideprevention exists but I'm writing here anyway because the subreddit is inactive and I need active help.  
\---  
I have a SO and he's...Suicidal. *Very* Suicidal.  
We're in a LDR since 2014-2015. I've met him 4-5 times IRL. And I'm trying my best as a girl in a conversative country.  
He didn't turn suicidal in a blink but you could motivate him for stuff, but recently he's been pretty, pretty, *pretty* suicidal. He's undiagnosed but he probably has some sort of disorder, and his family (Especially his mom) doesn't help at all. It's probably his main issue. His second issue would be his need of IRL me. He doesn't consider me as a being with feelings in the Internet anymore. He calls me AI or Data when he feels like it. It hurts me... Because I have a conservative family, a busy college schedule but I *still* try my best for him. Sadly he doesn't even *acknowledge* my efforts. Even If he does, he'll make up excuses like ""You'll forget me sooner or later"" or ""You'll find someone sooner or later"". When I try to help him he rejects it like ""I love you but I don't want to get hurt"". If I express my feelings, He'll find even more excuses ""Oh look, I make you sad so you really don't need me"". If I express myself more, he blackmails me ""If you continue to do X I'll do Y"". Y isn't a good thing as you can guess. I swear If I didn't have muscles I'd feel less powerless.

​

He wanted to a way to die painless and It seems it's starvation. Started to starve himself to death. He's been foodless and waterless for three days and It's started to worry me. His mother forced him to drink by blackmailing him. Prior to that I begged with my life to reconsider this. He says he was gonna stop ""fasting"" but after his mother's forceful drink he sealed his thoughts. I begged with *everything* I had and one action of that god forsaken bitch deleted my efforts and I feel so powerless. I don't want his organs to fail one by one. I need urgent help for him.

​

 Our country doesn't have quality physchologists or psychiatrises, and we flat-out *don't* have a suicide prevention hotline. He also thinks they're scammers regardless of their quality(I don't really blame him to be honest) so there goes his chance of some sort of theraphy or something of the sort.",1.4021315280464215,3.9059697276595777,3.4844294003868477,85.30136363636366,84.70212765957447,6.907543520309478,24.07736943907157,8.061468544071445,1.7237574468085106,1852,73,364,41,55,627,218,470,0.15,0.682,0.168,0.8573,2,0,3,0,0,2,93.0,2,8,1,6,14,15,1,0,14,0,34,4,0,4,1,73,67,38,6,17,18,3,5,3,0,6,1,1,0,1,15,15,2,3,13,2,0,1,12,7,0,5,8,7,65,8,41,49,9,26,0,6,1,1,69,7,1,18,19,223,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939151023979975,0.0,0.16093711542778869,0.18048572782280356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365317718290866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054527884623748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558778391652592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583518784827027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592963731630578,0.0,0.0,0.047896246182387296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707770259612996,0.0,0.08511672743000932,0.0,0.06499178982626037,0.0,0.0,0.14550730457941602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715849731529776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674663490276289,0.0,0.1400251480302079,0.0,0.1877588199295664,0.053056553646495766,0.0,0.0,0.13575788149364604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03880158412496553,0.0,0.0,0.06229186380324736,0.0,0.0,0.08181377259686322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986787198652529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900930048862455,0.0,0.0,0.15503147254527644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040815350196069716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524571702516573,0.10884971250798783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236580342565496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067029112176748,0.0,0.0991479609310674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698093086161322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304094449768056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509762757969107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112751679080162,0.226669544248005,0.1601453597949511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095155031775502,0.0,0.07332997100163642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906031521978825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761013475060161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061434654496716264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585283638398292,0.05717457402258881,0.0,0.0,0.10513351413280504,0.0,0.059309939008048276,0.06209076449798012,0.0,0.0,0.08501825765473249,0.4061817051396971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933987519804612,0.047587468838898084,0.0,0.05895991788916101,0.043305843292073286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126780708598295,0.08078146508059401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127827694034721,0.13141428290594598,0.0589499033126371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754220192950534,0.0,0.05275733888880838,0.0,0.18048572782280356,0.0
suicidewatch,wereyena,2019/02/27,"Im scared My suicidal thoughts are kinda coming back and Im scared. Last year was a really bad year and there were at least 3 times when I was so close to killing myself (after thinking through)(finished writing all the notes and everything). I did have an attempt but it wasn’t serious (I tried to overdose but I didn’t take a lot so I didn’t get any medical help or anything) And I just really don’t want to go back to the state I was in last year

I just don’t see the point of going on? I guess. Things are at home are just bad and I relapsed today (but no bleeding just scratches).

The only reason why Im here is because of my friends. I recently made a new one and shit he is fricking nice like god how did I find someone like him (and dude if you’re seeing this Im sorry) and geez I don’t want him to hurt cause of me god I don’t want anyone to hurt 

But its so hard. Every damn day it’s a constant battle and I don’t know how long I can fight. I really don’t and its scaring me. Last year was just really dark. Rn everything is just so painful like I want everything to just stop. (I still haven’t throw out my pills lol) I just want a break from everything and its just so suffocating? And like I wonder if I stopped fighting, would it be easier for me to go?

Idk gosh Im so tired ",-0.2848460394988308,1.8793508158844752,1.858111063920156,96.25165587173498,89.57761732851984,5.280484179231259,18.616372902951795,6.794906146795322,0.06065393926523655,1004,29,234,14,34,335,142,277,0.231,0.624,0.145,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,3,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,23,21,6,3,10,1,27,6,1,5,1,54,46,28,2,8,16,0,2,4,1,1,5,0,1,0,8,15,0,2,6,0,0,5,11,15,0,1,12,4,31,6,19,32,3,35,0,2,2,0,8,7,2,7,25,142,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058430212224059135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060078974649028886,0.0,0.07070685506219493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213812033510214,0.14348331308607484,0.052377527853238334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826602430276385,0.0,0.07401458235041462,0.0,0.09285164365072678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541287189017911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239336970401979,0.0,0.30888623003006344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853156243855945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638347152303598,0.0,0.04489093366660064,0.0,0.14649512479885834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465326536235584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696963807073028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759200688780373,0.0,0.0861872227694579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396351905680744,0.0,0.4640549503844189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506046015834864,0.0,0.04722073130648165,0.2101147933443674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790947531377273,0.0,0.0,0.07603866419094547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304819414620638,0.0,0.08130189945427181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655782860474376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298443736777017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822327562883184,0.0653478948350027,0.09142754449790988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812244875867838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017648587336544,0.08834258868821745,0.08483805334870805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580700844226249,0.0,0.13693813603855826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819815991104417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728018128289748,0.0,0.0,0.09618314790032467,0.0,0.0,0.0686177793464712,0.1436700306570189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398521422882283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460298901760418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708305767879032,0.05505563639176023,0.0,0.06821282745638156,0.05010207140872476,0.09875521626388677,0.08144443569752376,0.0,0.0,0.05833570327025093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339643512900656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775316465009307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317923152796123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103684305404556,0.0,0.0,0.22132496219676293
suicidewatch,GooseyMay,2019/02/27,"Overdose All I have at my disposal is sleep aid, ibuprofen, and Excedrin. If I take them all together, would it successfully kill me? I have no gun or ""quick"" way to go about it. I am open to other suggestions. I have contemplated this many times but today is the day. I cannot go on and i want to get the job done, not just cause damage. ",1.1781366459627378,3.268332942028988,3.132546583850935,90.16043478260872,81.89855072463769,6.8414078674948255,21.45134575569358,7.957251820313856,0.9303606625258808,259,8,58,5,7,87,52,69,0.09,0.807,0.103,0.2124,1,0,0,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,2,13,14,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,10,1,6,12,2,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,42,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015164857524296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892902113781194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30036349589072703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334730059746246,0.0,0.3336179506450801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29126422096406435,0.0,0.32472625913951625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29757392517914194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937228117626709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068362511577255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114853217199838,0.0,0.2782139586504311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312029906370024,0.23297524437044714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850168073676506,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alt_the_alternate-,2019/02/27,"I can't cope anymore. I have all of it planned out. The method, the execution, pain management, the note I want to leave behind. I can't cope anymore. I feel like I'm a paper airplane, zipping faster and faster towards the ground. There isn't a moment when I don't think about the act, what it'll feel like, etc. 

​

I know it'll hurt people, but it hurts so much to keep going. My parents will never accept me; I'm never going to be loved; the rest of my life is just going to be a fucking struggle, so why don't I make it easy for myself? I'm not normal, I'm a freak, and the only reason I'm still alive is because I'm too much of a coward to end things.

​

I just can't deal with the homophobia. I just can't deal with my bulimia. I just can't deal with fucking life anymore, the loneliness. I feel so selfish, I *am* selfish, and worthless, and it's a spiral I know is irrational and unnatural but I just want to die. I fuck up everything I touch -- my chance at a boyfriend; making friends; my parent's marriage. I ruin everything I come into contact with, a cancer. 

​

I just can't deal with anything anymore, knowing it won't get better. I have no one to talk to. No friends, and my family will never listen. Even posting on here is not going to do anything, in the end. I should be a man for once in my life and end it. 

​

It's embarrassing and shameful and disgusting and weak but I just want to kill myself and stop having to hurt. I can't cope anymore. ",2.06726987573893,3.8332365570032567,3.7962359753890698,88.09733140306429,77.56677524429966,6.111666063457594,25.051152129328017,6.937597516519254,0.9898718542646878,1161,42,241,12,27,389,137,307,0.293,0.62,0.087,-0.9976,2,0,1,0,0,3,64.0,0,0,0,2,17,25,5,3,19,0,28,10,0,3,4,53,58,18,2,5,12,2,4,2,2,6,6,1,0,1,11,19,0,2,9,0,0,6,18,18,0,1,0,5,34,7,31,49,5,28,0,5,0,4,14,9,3,0,14,164,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085668574513655,0.3460476702410733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530405239995144,0.0,0.0,0.11717781725660252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340091481752892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296779308414903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132974799509783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936031412766141,0.0,0.0,0.07389104870694142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891777251429425,0.0,0.07940326366421245,0.047024821820566914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797420484798214,0.0,0.06711801652619752,0.0,0.10799773974532052,0.10172603120406218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100129582646964,0.1974609119968289,0.037197394913380165,0.0,0.16185115241008646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286529743009927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328299641229615,0.07876872206355022,0.0,0.11738371517627795,0.0,0.0,0.07538714224496207,0.0,0.0,0.15086523825457712,0.06956633057948408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425790112851403,0.0,0.0950488476380622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467569536248438,0.0,0.16473410805959954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975775771413675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582227950294368,0.048244801340088544,0.054148382588534855,0.07575842605340315,0.0,0.1581112648317954,0.0,0.0,0.04935890384260058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818686378253318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320217894133134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685786478370545,0.05952372150751985,0.0,0.0744303647536717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057225299342062025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729999725804347,0.04562004132686262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598117032458864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424404746398532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460476702410733,0.0
suicidewatch,STD_Fan_Page,2019/02/27,Almost died lol testing out the hanging method with a belt and got unconscious and woke up and i tried removing the belt and faild so glad that i did it at a door knob so i just stud up lol very good method felt like falling asleep,1.4250000000000007,3.656616500000002,1.9206666666666656,98.39100000000002,81.91666666666666,5.506666666666668,20.016666666666666,6.742157984588678,0.026161666666666417,184,5,42,2,5,56,36,48,0.08800000000000001,0.649,0.263,0.8656,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,2,1,2,1,0,0,9,4,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,3,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184927576464022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337414525956052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40127472769151706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505366997311711,0.3342537905050432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041776494265463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837444819384136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34483291480455336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidethrowaway12d4,2019/02/27,"I'm tired of everything I have way too much shit going on inside my head that impedes my life. I have depression, PTSD, C-PTSD, anxiety and binge eating disorder and they all fucking feed each other. i hate it. every day the thought of me killing myself is easier and easier to put to reality. i feel like i've been running on empty for a few months and the only reason i havent killed myself is to live for my family, so they're not sad. its too much though. most days i sit at home all day, not leaving the house at all because its too stressful. sometimes i get a second wind and all of sudden start to care about myself, like showering and cleaning; but then as soon as my schedule goes off plan or something it all stops. like if someone wants to go to a restaurant or theres too many people in the gym. I feel like such a waste. i only take take take.i wont even get my hs diploma because i didnt go to school. im suppossed to take a test to get a ged next month and go to college in the fall but where does it all end? i probably wont be happy with my choice and i would feel better if i just died. but i cant because my family will be too sad. fuck! ",2.338633727175079,3.528124289795919,3.984253490870035,89.46439312567135,75.48979591836735,6.953813104189044,23.50698174006445,7.475848149327749,0.8567959183673475,901,26,200,11,19,302,142,245,0.149,0.742,0.109,-0.8823,1,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,2,14,17,6,1,11,0,14,8,2,1,6,35,35,20,3,4,10,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,3,0,7,10,2,1,5,1,0,7,7,10,0,1,3,3,26,7,26,26,11,30,0,3,0,2,1,8,3,5,17,127,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950574282158407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006327955726907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191715052070183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596299819618037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010776871838004,0.0,0.08951428078782359,0.0,0.10786235809554152,0.0,0.11911215078739565,0.0,0.09094935981994676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634577074262767,0.0,0.0,0.09205064253450908,0.0,0.0,0.0686444198499044,0.0,0.08756504190563953,0.0,0.09340508594655056,0.0,0.1959508671185256,0.0,0.15764955406329953,0.1484944360295704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216219891664493,0.1628965402675916,0.0,0.23626200013308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063482935647216,0.0,0.102608812763671,0.10666159671625244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424970966808313,0.0,0.0,0.1199206285071073,0.0,0.0,0.11226163761423794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299650703197746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004627860778687,0.0,0.0,0.07340844228337368,0.20309871335341415,0.0,0.09177160616225273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536814732890384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591098679824096,0.0,0.15280020428276114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053014640268773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808605603158155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205159291471584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205352237891984,0.0,0.2429759248367657,0.10447780017977006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685678138984177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051821493342173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668208428736864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805908354921796,0.08000996617008875,0.10278888098387708,0.0,0.0735617978175485,0.0,0.0,0.08688967170958901,0.11905083089766437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125680411719784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211015442782297,0.0825083722327204,0.0,0.11945161118902255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130028081723361,0.08249435785757928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382849757743308,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeet-yote,2019/02/27,"I'm Really Trying To Hold On. It's taking everything in me right now not to hang myself off the side of my stairs right now.

Nothing ever gets better, I can't find happiness in anything I used to enjoy.

I regret trapping my Husband, we're young and he deserves a better woman.

I felt prettier in high school, now I'm only 23 and feel worthless.

The only things that keep me going are how much I don't want to disappoint the couple people that'd care, and the fact that my estranged father killed himself and I don't want people to think I'm like him.",6.201445427728615,5.367082787610624,7.105442477876108,77.66429941002951,66.25663716814161,9.303244837758113,29.45280235988201,8.344100000000001,2.0766766961651917,437,12,84,5,6,147,76,113,0.172,0.708,0.12,-0.6276,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,2,2,18,19,5,1,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,2,14,6,11,17,1,17,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,0,6,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315033828893704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291933247408852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974865668761534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059240367141716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834458431697122,0.0,0.0,0.16726111838904256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410137381330716,0.0,0.1786920625614373,0.0,0.17009857591947616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723331169373467,0.0,0.10576898991802293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811453630622985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663243634106267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542059811981433,0.20590000245870335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092255950148867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681017901441506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785748428170125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28308576846325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804654833300217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922501455168145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31786900169290777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883503853555865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992942570871894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364132991608495,0.11924995576021663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635454769277132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073683537318295,0.0,0.0,0.21954165392921016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatDarklordGuy,2019/02/27,"I really wanted to finally kill myself earlier. Now I'm just totally numb. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm totally broke. My paycheck last week was $30. It's my own fault; I, once again, bit the hand. I feel totally inadequate at work and school. I don't think I am capable of software engineering. That's 15000 dollars I can't pay back. 26 and 35000 in debt with no prospects. I never planned on living this long. Everybody always said I'd be dead by now and I thought so too. I don't really expect anyone to read this far. I probably wouldn't. My mental health went to shit back in 2017. I haven't worked full-time since and my car got rear-ended at a stop light. Yay medical debt. Even with health insurance it cost me thousands. My roommate is my only friend and I'm pretty sure he resents me. At least I'm good at I statements. ",0.19075395828097186,2.561478173410406,2.4856747926614737,90.63858507162607,90.96531791907516,6.245689871827094,20.81653681829605,7.586124646067393,1.0266232219150542,656,23,140,14,23,222,117,173,0.207,0.674,0.119,-0.9448,2,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,3,0,2,1,11,6,2,0,5,22,23,6,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,5,1,5,2,8,6,0,1,5,4,22,4,15,16,6,21,0,1,0,0,3,8,1,0,11,78,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488475353591062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076508686364346,0.1133479276272545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492982310041255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697720993706656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357734852800005,0.0,0.0,0.10706914717729676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196540638140026,0.0,0.0,0.17757864045148505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524229932011025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596639382382486,0.1296505688327892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34462111058281786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934570656685095,0.0,0.08908893778398776,0.13213761014033246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431421174272891,0.14345825733441855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633042266379854,0.16336420612727184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250257472408596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263705611465385,0.0,0.12328852976639555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491956112939682,0.1747771356441844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214935787452894,0.0,0.20769785546265845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419944260890772,0.0,0.0,0.16405941010375372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663989557886978,0.13409533633661608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552744809852074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527825057220625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387065234820128,0.0,0.12869365156353094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561401790824732,0.0,0.13003124588662462,0.0,0.0,0.15027341313482387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360294545219117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SignificantAmbition2,2019/02/27,"Girlfriend (20) Has Suicidal Episodes Hey guys, this is my first time coming to this sub, I'm feeling pretty depressed and broken right now. I just made up after a pretty big fight with my girlfriend, and she talked about voices and reflections telling her to kill herself.

​

As some background information, I'm a 22 year old male in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 6 months (20 years old and a sophomore in college). I'm in California while she's in Pennsylvania for school.

Starting this year, she's hated her school and her friends turned out to not be such good friends, so she feels extremely lonely. As her parents are Asian immigrants, it is hard for her to talk about some sensitive matters such as putting her mental health in front of her immediate academic plans. They would never ever let her take a gap year. She's tried talking to them about dropping out or taking a semester off, but they would say things like ""oh, you'll get through it just focus on schoolwork and it'll be alright, college is just another couple years.""

I guess when we fight, she feels like the only person who actually understands and loves her isn't there anymore. I have often thought about how this may be unhealthy because she does not have any close friends to rely on.

She has admitted to finding comfort sometimes when overly stressed or sad in making small cuts on her arm. She promised to not do it anymore, but it was silly of me to not realize that this was not a solution to the core problem.

​

It's really hard because we fought over FaceTime, and she was going crazy, screaming, crying, hyperventilating and gasping for air. She couldn't breathe properly. And she kept saying negative things about how she wants to die, and said she'll probably die by drowning because she's been a swimmer for most of her life. She said her reflection in the mirror was telling her to end it, and voices were screaming in her head to kill herself. I found out she's had episodes like these twice in the past when we fought, but never as bad as today.

​

It was frustrating to not be able to comfort her in person. The only thing I could do is tell her that I cared and I would be deeply saddened if she were gone, but it's hard for her to believe that after I had been so angry with her just 10 minutes before. It's really sad because our fights are from stupid small things that don't even matter in the end. It's been almost 2 months since we've seen each other, but she is scheduled to fly over in a week and a half, so I tried to get her to look forward to that, so she has some hope to keep fighting on.

​

She's been crying literally every single day at school this semester, and her mental health is getting worse and worse. She does have self-destructive tendencies under stress, but I do not believe she is in immediate danger of actually carrying it out. 

To be honest, I don't know what I'm looking to achieve in this post. Maybe if anyone has similar situations and could provide tips, or if you could just send some moral support, that'd be great. She has promised to try to get professional help, so I am hoping to turn this around. If you read this whole post, you have my thanks for allowing me to share.",7.6280937788803,7.123486698234353,7.076740113818769,77.95103993384895,63.237560192616364,9.927117077678878,35.2511795320784,9.178173031916092,2.9875686463349385,2595,102,489,37,33,808,288,623,0.19,0.691,0.119,-0.9951,1,2,0,0,5,0,80.0,4,4,3,3,28,45,13,2,16,1,58,7,3,5,3,101,102,46,6,15,25,1,6,3,6,7,3,8,0,4,35,31,0,2,13,1,0,7,14,23,0,3,23,17,75,22,86,59,8,76,1,4,3,1,93,37,0,18,34,340,110,9,0.05846425347758974,0.0,0.11410535564834708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585435047138884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533839768674455,0.2841618688268153,0.03975769718943836,0.061304867363419814,0.0,0.0,0.1159616592724488,0.040879565393132485,0.0,0.0,0.05204558073658786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048815209600288234,0.14255706509742733,0.0,0.049748773613691503,0.1317383862207049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960820285864259,0.0,0.0,0.05036177759215586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003684736675753,0.0646895844650797,0.1284404743505679,0.03770460686603053,0.0,0.05035517585173822,0.0,0.12135332958901407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232492440378092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035639509427018,0.0,0.0,0.0386150880324414,0.052884264412159265,0.049258655097445606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868384963760341,0.04176687436610031,0.0,0.0,0.053435268509261225,0.0497296641415601,0.0,0.06410303628858967,0.13550801162980372,0.0,0.12218063767586193,0.0,0.03322658256056435,0.049037041999283736,0.0,0.06445704585598866,0.06440496652378355,0.05788880267965171,0.0,0.0,0.15711746269869226,0.057721346417336936,0.060001191005543714,0.12428953506986565,0.0,0.0,0.03918735673245654,0.0,0.0,0.11613639073280825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196571476106508,0.12936406854630936,0.0,0.03213042473896576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978366025519729,0.04129503122460748,0.0856880433169171,0.0,0.0,0.05173902456490143,0.0981904966453576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052766271360378564,0.05532029024700587,0.03902534317865953,0.0,0.058735200748004965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783643313247832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333121868859699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018247297763622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269679855745735,0.0,0.0,0.08892939853973413,0.0,0.0,0.06491763470893286,0.0,0.05581074531253126,0.0,0.10209746213050017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198518763837248,0.11895832813047058,0.06303435356389217,0.05594239480815457,0.0,0.05877272268014165,0.0,0.0,0.05848007473488561,0.0,0.07490739568102664,0.0,0.0,0.06276872859885715,0.0,0.0499281530266078,0.11122578647304214,0.09298624189737964,0.0,0.1775068373305447,0.0,0.0,0.060990966957028686,0.0,0.0,0.04836223462958755,0.0657162704650075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782264161642677,0.0,0.04138129952529925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394120965697132,0.0,0.0,0.06395040417216626,0.06634454201361999,0.0,0.0,0.08791568529805648,0.14097405707617602,0.15330100336708874,0.05382602968198763,0.0,0.0,0.1553642087170861,0.0,0.0,0.04641408674072112,0.03409097635985475,0.0,0.05541727625102722,0.0,0.0,0.11908017125068268,0.12718463870121846,0.0,0.0608633497228102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03448373145765833,0.0,0.04689649763031592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527325112887022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916013806914612,0.12459398474730216,0.0,0.2841618688268153,0.18824531206861628
suicidewatch,thefallout15,2019/02/27,"I need help , heavy head and just emotional alot. So the short version is this. 

I am in love with someone who was keeping me at arms length. 

However I told them straight out and I wanted to keep trying to earn there affection.

Over the course of a year , I gave alot of money , time and changed myself. 

I did bad things for them but they didnt ask for it I just did it for them.

I would cause trouble time to time but they said they cared about me and still tried to be somewhat friend.

One day I did something dumb and pushed them to be mad and now they removed me and blocked me.

I panicked called a friend on the web for advice and they told me straight out how it was. 

it just fucking hurts and its only been 2 days but I cant stop thinking about them and I  want to contact them and try again but I know its a bad idea and right now I dont know what to do it hurts day by day. 

I started added random people , tried to play with family more but hell my newish computer broke so made it a little challenging. 

I keep thinking about just ending it , I know this is piety to do it for something like this but I never had something like this so its heavy for me. Just to lose someone I find very close.

I dont know only reason now I dont do is because of fear and just thinking about my family but it gets harder each day.",0.5305259467040669,2.7336939927536257,1.6489247311827953,99.09822580645165,85.52173913043478,4.575783076203833,18.685834502103788,5.843745405466311,-0.4347502103786818,1026,27,237,7,31,322,134,276,0.174,0.7040000000000001,0.122,-0.9771,1,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,11,3,21,20,4,1,9,0,22,4,2,5,1,60,46,24,0,4,13,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,19,19,0,5,10,1,1,2,6,12,0,1,13,1,41,8,32,30,6,32,1,4,0,2,23,12,3,4,20,164,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500237536041456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908876877594846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623494773949996,0.059264482338194265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927261162847953,0.0,0.09912239096991,0.09987184299746127,0.10284599525246052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31349467052415503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418237671556635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935954870055062,0.08610816920680467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330095214421285,0.10939966297290732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885742771540632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022404595530178,0.08987843367450081,0.050793499702464814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977589036891132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516459662981937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815229685072206,0.1097496809743243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259241126986784,0.0,0.0,0.21371854008467303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499367898797564,0.0974401001432591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876444551187282,0.0,0.0,0.08774495336172451,0.09199202753078076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208748656184685,0.0749821494058558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587886888906276,0.14788056321171905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740018954234069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995847459034904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302545064888428,0.0924785966023978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474858312063487,0.2245343926617968,0.0,0.0,0.06881290080355007,0.0,0.0776401128277693,0.08128037293262877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458872730866456,0.1868841805420827,0.0,0.0,0.17006950009721025,0.0,0.0,0.18579598046493226,0.0,0.26402431713333924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021678010652221,0.11468589045548792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906238334293534,0.0,0.0,0.06260656931854701
suicidewatch,Bloppitt,2019/02/27,"How is it better to bitterly await death than to just kill myself For who? For who is this better for? I’m confident I make life worse for everyone around me. My friends even tell me so. They told me so today. They said I’m so crass that I make other people sad. I had no idea. I know even if I apologize they’re always gonna still hate me. Same with my family. They all hate me. I don’t have a career, I haven’t worked a real office job in 2 years. I’m ugly, talentless, and I genuinely don’t believe I should have been born. I’m tired of worrying all day about what people think of me and walking on eggshells not to offend everyone just by being myself. I can think of little things— clothes shopping, eating, watching a movie— that I will miss when I’m dead. But why wait? I genuinely cannot name ONE a thing in my life that has ever went right. I was denied from college. I left home and ruined my family. I have no track record of any good thing. I have nothing good to offer the world except a miserable neutered version of myself. I’m tired. I want to go to sleep forever. Why would staying alive benefit society?",0.9705710446758468,3.3066210873362465,2.7882314410480333,90.75982112865304,84.85152838427948,6.143164259321464,19.7247228753779,7.468242284971852,0.6679081625797787,875,25,183,15,26,290,138,229,0.237,0.6459999999999999,0.117,-0.9864,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,3,3,13,15,5,1,6,0,19,6,1,3,3,28,40,10,3,4,6,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,0,11,5,1,1,4,1,1,3,7,9,0,1,6,3,33,6,25,29,4,19,0,4,1,0,12,8,0,1,7,117,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038286321048808,0.0,0.0,0.08485604878664063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108244818782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058659980924515,0.0,0.2207191029642624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047407636463741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276831526509807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648346873999399,0.11287247597921513,0.0,0.2384691244539928,0.0,0.0,0.2352667558255597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964062748323522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091649441712601,0.20932246696366316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463928111470845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251665346014058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086370580009358,0.0,0.0,0.123826895165368,0.0,0.1380528110003323,0.0,0.06857693181257613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557602381202674,0.0,0.17627445410354475,0.0,0.12506435989479384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665859271931593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197317082586028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455552237826455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730162746037317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202925070875771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656315854677248,0.11869627053998733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487213053298685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300102463314342,0.09965107793083768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906498062312624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657992515484159,0.15991055277102345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868371388790916,0.11827875932485155,0.11923456222699637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359966511576037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567417753679965,0.22519271888875936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084279266947254,0.12672219274163504,0.12716353315483786,0.08864156289755831,0.0,0.0,0.080355526169631
suicidewatch,coconutcakeplutonium,2019/02/27,"Seriously, I'm not okay. In the last month, I've started a stressful new job with a drastically different schedule and duties than what I'm used to, my landlord ended my lease with the legal minimum notice and so I'm in the process of moving out of an apartment I like, I totalled my car that I've had since I learned to drive, and my boyfriend of a year+ just broke up with me. My support system is rickety at best, mainly consists of family who live far away.

Yeah, get help. Yeah, get therapy. I've been doing that for almost 2 years now. 

I quit my last job and basically did nothing for a month in January. I used to think it was my job/the field I'm in destroying my mental health, and it was nice to have fewer responsibilities. By the end of it, though, I was bored, not accomplishing goals, and not even resting. Doing nothing--couldn't even get that right.

Doing nothing doesn't help. The pills from the psych don't help much. I have trouble making and keeping relationships. I don't feel particularly motivated in my career. The only thing that brings me any sort of unadulterated joy is rock climbing which, due to logistics with the move and new job as well as some mental health things, I'll have fewer and fewer opportunities to do.

So. No. I'm not okay and I don't know what to do about it. There's no reason to think that things will change. I've always been that person to think, ""once I _______, I'll be able to ______, and then I'll be happy/free/feel better"", but there's no reason to think that any longer. I'm 28. There's no stage of life I'm striving for. This is it.

And it is drudgery.",1.7747578589634652,4.054129052959503,3.348807703200229,88.37864061172473,80.90031152647975,6.009289153214388,21.56527895780232,7.229369725052465,0.6527707165109033,1250,38,261,17,33,412,162,321,0.08,0.8420000000000001,0.078,-0.2161,5,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,8,12,16,1,1,13,4,26,4,0,6,1,42,49,19,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,21,17,0,2,10,1,0,6,12,6,1,0,7,1,21,10,40,39,6,35,0,1,0,0,6,12,0,3,16,160,42,11,0.09952757302096668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966248765236174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281491374108482,0.0,0.0,0.13536432520032374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350943110055712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444804752221308,0.08802405031461334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528697537095308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398513044282108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630377669562786,0.0,0.0,0.13147404662690346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382573811700397,0.0,0.1006482627767334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155997147163102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115863120043046,0.0,0.0,0.2001337027342659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950630354674295,0.08846467991678278,0.0,0.0,0.054697751261424725,0.16225651156060955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029926820472693,0.04862414484614524,0.0,0.08788467040717979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643542783576557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006007689402638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888391847380348,0.2115641182938939,0.07316421795973592,0.0,0.0,0.1922487004384249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909987811742116,0.11331280154868295,0.0,0.10599361703873802,0.0,0.07569520416665147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690363780445604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585982499891762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466184271886528,0.0,0.10685536627010303,0.0,0.08499600355048557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233023689250459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044612844984724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400849862694938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129427104090918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381845366347282,0.0,0.19836509116457432,0.25509300017829994,0.09778533516401043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719197349513392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948724092685388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818498777168524
suicidewatch,ghostshrimp06,2019/02/27,"Not suicidal, I just don’t know what to do with my life Not sure what to do after I graduate High School. I’ve always thought of a career when I was a child, doctor, computer, astronaut, etc. I’m just at a confused at this point of life, not sure what step to take. I take AP classes with mainly A grades, but school hasn’t really thought me much, nor what I want to be. I really want a job or path that can give me a purpose, perhaps even a chance for a successful family. I just want to please my parents who have a high expectation for me.",5.451179941002948,4.4304693539823,6.583318584070799,81.40766224188792,67.84955752212389,10.719174041297935,30.33775811209439,10.125756701596842,2.587030678466076,419,13,94,9,6,142,67,113,0.08199999999999999,0.794,0.124,0.8531,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,9,0,8,3,0,0,2,20,18,4,1,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,12,3,14,14,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,64,19,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401473187616764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239532331915686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784406107681906,0.11124647898031356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878088902011187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157347973156294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559112528015502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671408646747811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925647668431824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379342923812696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381548821519744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870216708824211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488564864164933,0.15922086650097245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580124359935327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409204649292262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423516961931052,0.0,0.3174867132027189,0.0,0.2532769167412863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674293385349369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980332742122167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rukbbgydgjvgydgcd,2019/02/27,"I want a son The only thing keeping me going is the thought that I may one day have a family and a son of my own . Idk why a son specifically but it’s just what I’ve  always pictured in my head.

The irony is I’m fucked up. I can’t do anything, I’m 18 and have quit like 3 jobs and refused other work because I hate hate hate the feeling of being tired but having to do things. Ik it sounds crazy but that literally is hell for me. I’m supposed to start basic training in a week but I’m not going as I’ve let myself get fat and I would fail anyway. My parents are a mixture of disappointed and angry but mostly disappointed. I can’t do anything I just wanna sleep forever but that’s not viable so the next best thing might have to be the permanent sleep.


And the thing keeping me going (family/son) is kind of a fairy tale dream as id be an evil cunt to purposefully have a child for two reasons , I would set a terrible example of how to be a human and if it’s a girl I’d be dissapojnted ( I think) and how fucking shitty is it to be disappointed at your child before it’s even born.


I have friends but I haven’t been out in months because it just makes me sadder seeing how happy and functional they are . And i try talking to girls but my desperation is just weird and they obv sense it


Live is a fucking shit show. And in a matter of fact non romanticized/cheesy way is simply not worth living anymore and hasn’t been for a while . And I can only see t getting much worse ",2.8381364462463314,3.8667211318328008,4.746500768908152,85.11622256395921,74.016077170418,7.466573465678737,24.775758423039285,7.893859768569023,1.20184764434503,1156,35,251,16,23,397,162,311,0.28800000000000003,0.642,0.07,-0.998,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,2,4,10,21,10,0,22,0,37,9,5,5,1,51,62,30,0,5,16,4,1,1,1,4,2,1,0,5,16,15,1,3,4,2,1,3,7,16,0,2,3,4,25,5,26,48,4,19,1,4,2,3,15,7,6,4,8,169,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940613355701498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210888100425337,0.0,0.0,0.18605051089229446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782066544748214,0.0,0.09619178228661274,0.0,0.11863228981134408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290377372963765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466423534052148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065674507098134,0.0,0.057158243557393615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733720924796515,0.3135209753721401,0.11812123641698685,0.0,0.19273585841205676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203370201684584,0.0,0.3348214710365378,0.11601535239763786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217833561549846,0.20095670134424745,0.0,0.11771751958430095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559474563574156,0.0,0.05522739562929509,0.0,0.1996391495494774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545748451714271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992140137879513,0.0,0.0,0.09023032746848443,0.0,0.08310005705921722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202231569773266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660127272694155,0.17194951195458766,0.0,0.0,0.12552154617867695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023578933803387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622765391370575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016223567150544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603763663916425,0.0,0.0,0.22625048862356495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001284585594688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086016814291883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004045940126012,0.07243377794965823,0.0,0.08974399573071434,0.0,0.12992699521859347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674918780608088,0.0,0.1104271767652978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667604742506042,0.08972875235614762,0.09067676170450356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200427122045404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229709119909638,0.0,0.1152010916630462,0.16060586803739332,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blahblahboring,2019/02/27,"How do I make my life worth living when the only reason I don't kill myself is so I don't hurt anyone? Long story short, I've been living with depression and some anxiety for awhile, but only mid last year realised how bad it was. I have continued to spiral down since then. This came after several traumatic events in my life and unfortunately this year hasn't improved and I've come across more dramas.

If I killed myself, I would hurt so many people. Family, friends, my dogs and maybe even acquaintances, as I've known someone barely connected to me who killed themselves and it dramatically affected an acquaintance of them who found them.

But the problem is I am simply staying alive to avoid the collateral damage. I'm not staying alive for myself. My life is so meaningless and my depression is getting so bad I'm barely able to give a shit about people and my dogs, let alone myself. I'm almost numb about some things because I feel my life is just all about painful events. And I think I'm slowly developing contempt for people like my mum, because she stops me from killing myself and I question why she brought me into this world.

So how do I continue living? 

Note, I am on a low dose antidepressant which I should probably speak to my dr about getting increased, saw a counsellor all of last year and a few sessions this year, walk every day, try to meditate every day, still work full-time just for the routine really. So basically I'm a high functioning suicidal, depressed person.",7.391648936170213,7.499426560283692,7.4355230496453935,73.14562500000002,63.53900709219858,10.596099290780145,33.22783687943262,10.270032843473604,3.36431134751773,1198,44,211,25,16,386,161,282,0.293,0.63,0.077,-0.9978,0,2,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,2,1,18,21,6,1,10,0,18,9,1,6,2,41,34,25,5,4,6,1,1,1,1,2,8,1,0,1,10,14,0,2,6,1,1,5,4,19,0,0,6,3,34,2,25,25,7,35,0,7,1,0,12,10,1,5,19,132,44,2,0.09601204953912018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614219870160733,0.09943952760340832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344895510089089,0.0,0.0,0.06713385742909769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603321018783538,0.11705610849484538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098122067709089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270587919008804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383965814810292,0.0,0.2480851127406296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341505320938373,0.0,0.16178858540490024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051161545189666,0.0,0.048546577086283384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527225662955347,0.07417867130573773,0.0,0.1003246662659667,0.09210350663067313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144200176538977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556576960013806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248924297857107,0.0,0.0,0.1565252698638623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817882566912696,0.2712646000124713,0.046906637648865164,0.0,0.2543411962960002,0.08496764251912016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408878861314582,0.09734114854560792,0.09645700865861988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604298028630394,0.10216359006244087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996879983179255,0.08383401830016964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103517228341292,0.09187056469841696,0.0,0.0,0.1075554688736018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615077774637969,0.09871637771048533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846628723583407,0.09855498912168116,0.0794221595399039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135069800361931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467213999803832,0.0766753467857618,0.0802703725496945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502159880957594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378613946412971,0.061520644548024375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518587924060844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663594099006174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989791556247056,0.0,0.0,0.06820420527231386,0.0,0.0,0.24731444809799344
suicidewatch,0seagirl,2019/02/27,"""You won't feel like this forever! :) These feelings will eventually go away"" - They always, always come back though. Am I the only one to not find this like of reasoning reassuring?

Sure, eventually the ""peak"" feeling of wanting to kill myself will go away, but it always comes back again, too. It's this in general that I can't live with. The fact that I have - so **often -** in my life wanted so much to stop existing. ",0.4699095840868033,2.772998531645573,2.443625678119353,87.59357594936712,101.65822784810128,5.8014466546112144,18.301084990958408,7.1686216300943375,0.8584857142857136,320,10,62,7,14,106,57,79,0.114,0.805,0.081,-0.5715,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,0,8,5,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,2,17,15,4,1,2,2,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,3,7,4,10,12,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552140796902674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34266621552315085,0.2804469786738885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141737743104463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766198999830941,0.1302779328701833,0.0,0.0,0.1666736242394029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207278641652158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175418550793794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880617444809386,0.17818364951403112,0.0,0.1610271127547707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405549250435064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357177245441185,0.13869290423307987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874963259883688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246102306270834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187202633326928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916765367913093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151211609744257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oatseed,2019/02/27,"What now? What happens when you've lost all your friends and all your support systems are tired of the same old shitty song? What happens when you are done trying and have stopped showering, eating, brushing your teeth, doing laundry, brushing your hair? What happens when it'll be 2 months off of work in a pretty hostile cut-throat work environment? I unfortunately loved my job before I fucked everything up. There is no way I can go back now. So what now that I have a way out but I'm too fucking scared to die? What now when no medication has continuously worked and crisis resources are an absolute joke? What now when I'm everything I absolutely dispise? What do I do when I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place I can't even fucking move, I can't even get more than 4 hours of sleep. What do I do when I'm such a selfish waste of opportunity? What do I do when someone else on this planet would kill to be in my position but I'd kill just to be able to kill myself?

What do they do with people like me? Do I just go to the streets and give up? Live a life of crime and more misery because I don't fit in with society?
How has anyone else gotten over their own human instincts and been able to rid themselves of living?",3.881066308243728,5.049536443548392,4.723655913978495,85.73603942652329,71.66129032258064,7.446594982078854,27.487455197132626,7.793537801064563,1.4664267025089606,970,34,203,12,18,314,141,248,0.277,0.659,0.064,-0.9965,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,5,2,5,23,16,7,1,9,0,29,11,3,1,2,20,48,19,4,1,4,0,2,1,1,2,3,1,1,1,14,10,1,1,0,3,0,3,5,10,0,0,5,5,23,6,25,38,6,37,0,1,0,4,11,12,3,0,20,139,37,4,0.228833453072604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000283551558215,0.1172334574796286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797940018337391,0.0,0.06974737451886891,0.0,0.09736020709228768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874649807320492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708803588560615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707687541373075,0.1911609867748048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511423375747591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566075235542386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839807909898514,0.3173292599887273,0.059778017238981136,0.10975894985870928,0.13005132485015633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035350002270291,0.0,0.10249491324110102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267742814381206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135409462967512,0.0,0.37975546699215396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081591765718983,0.055898233173544164,0.0,0.2020641314863172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489937289049652,0.0,0.1032655628262652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152628147351912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091326339522032,0.1216068730151137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006110753479075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932215177087164,0.0,0.1195411268715612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164029444431115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145511034221652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449935692784866,0.0,0.09694492109789717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565750662622133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983874537384246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150519577306372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768144680696758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816373437285389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498902188451921,0.0,0.0,0.08127835975513174,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Swbblu,2019/02/27,"No one understands my viewpoints I've entertained the thought of suicide since I was a kid. I've had a lot of things that have happened to me that you may feel contributes to my thoughts, and maybe my judgement is too clouded because of these things, but I truly feel I shouldn't exist. I wasn't meant to be here. 

Maybe that sounds crazy, and I'll admit I have mental health issues like PTSD, but I truly believe my existence was a glitch and I slipped through the cracks. I have a wonderful family, a boyfriend who I love more than anything and I still can't stop thinking this way. I know deep down that I'm an outlier and I somehow got to be alive and I feel really guilty about that. I think of all the people whose lives are cut short, hell I take care of them, and I feel so bad for the way I feel. But it doesn't stop. 

I want someone to understand me and understand the way I think and I can't seem to find them. I told my boyfriend tonight of the way I think and I'm pretty sure I scared him or hurt him and I feel bad about that too. I didn't mean to do that. I don't know why, now that I think of it, but I thought he would be in agreement with me. I told him some people (like me) are just not meant to exist and he doesn't seem to understand that. He said my mom and my family and him would be devastated if I were to die and I believe him but I dont think he is realizing that it wouldn't last very long and everyone would go on with their lives and be happy. I know it would be a hard couple of weeks because it always is when someone you know dies, but you get over it and move on. Plus, if I wasn't around then no one would have to deal with me anymore and that would relieve a lot of stress. That alone would make it easier to deal with. 

I don't know how to convince you. Maybe you already agree with me, but if you dont let me explain: I was never meant to be here to begin with - my mom was going in to have her tubes tied when she found out she was pregnant with me. Then she hemorrhaged heavily and had to lay on her back for 6 months to see the pregnancy through. I was born and I dont know how she felt, but I suppose it wasnt bad. When I was 6, a family member started molesting me. He killed a puppy from the litter of my dogs' puppies when I tried to get him to stop and I feel like I have to make that up to other dogs by protecting them. He would take pictures and videos of me and I have serious hangups about that. It got a lot worse and he did other things and when the worst of it happened (I was 9 at this point), I got away and went to my dog and hid in her dog house. She attacked him when he went looking for me and she got put down for attacking him. I never told my parents why until recently. That's also why I feel I need to protect dogs. She died helping me and that never should have happened. 

Fast forward 10 years and my own stupidity found me in another bad situation. I married a man for a dumb reason without knowing him well. A lot of bad shit happened and when I finally got away from him by planning it with someone I thought was a friend, I thought okay this is fine I can get over it. But he found me and did some things and I have permanent damage for it now. Mentally and physically. He tried to kill me and almost succeeded. You would think I would have learned to avoid people like that from when I was a kid, right? Not me. I dont learn for some fucking reason. 

When I think about it, I wonder why I fought back to get away. I was dying, that's what I wanted, but I didn't want my mom to see my body like that or to be traumatized by what happened. I cant say that's what I was thinking when it happened because it wasn't. I was just scared and reacted without thinking.

Anyway...here we are. I'm early 30s and I'm fucked up. I get quiet and stay inside my own head for days. I get scared and insecure and I know I'm being a fucking idiot, but I dont know how to stop. What I dont understand is why people don't get that life would be easier for us all if I wasn't around. But then I worry that if I tell anyone they wont want to be around me anymore and I dont want to lose them. I just want them to understand and be there with me at the end. When you aren't meant to exist then it should be a happy thing when you take matters into your own hands, right? 

I feel like I have to make up for stealing my life and for tricking people into loving me. I feel like I have to save people and so I'm training to be a paramedic. I work with the elderly too and try to make life easier for them because they are cast aside. I'm not doing a good enough job though. 

Does anyone else understand this? Doesn't anyone else believe Dignitas and Exit International should take people like me? Why am I so alone? This makes sense to me.

And before you say I need help, I've had extensive mental health intervention and treatment. I'm actually a lot better than I've ever been, but these beliefs don't go away. I can pretend to function. I just feel like an imposter and a bad person for existing when I know I wasnt meant to, for tricking people into caring about someone who isn't even meant to be alive. My boyfriend especially as he knows everything about me and he still stays. I feel like I'm robbing him of a happy life, I don't know why he's sacrificing himself for me. I know you will say because he loves me, but how can you love someone like this? Someone who lives inside their own head sometimes and wasn't even meant to be born? I hate myself for existing and I hate that I have blood in my veins. I hate that people have to be stressed out because I'm alive. Why doesn't anyone understand some of us just aren't meant to exist?",2.093527088900615,3.5103439074228504,3.4812804037378093,91.89485076849756,76.56463719766472,6.662017667784378,23.0770625180848,7.330265909601763,0.6804156286701502,4431,130,1009,53,98,1453,359,1199,0.16899999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.14,-0.9941,2,3,0,0,0,2,105.0,3,13,10,5,53,72,20,7,35,1,117,20,7,12,7,239,256,103,7,29,31,4,15,11,1,19,6,6,0,4,64,73,0,8,74,3,0,8,44,39,1,2,58,24,186,33,136,161,18,97,2,3,3,7,94,36,6,23,60,688,250,5,0.0,0.0,0.030445227824864574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03124078319642282,0.06462445762561587,0.034428311800174624,0.02494942283760089,0.02595964466229514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03271433918324513,0.0,0.0,0.061881041699380836,0.08725884422890517,0.06393308398824478,0.02567370069076058,0.08331981722327267,0.0,0.0709855773829896,0.11724804116964525,0.04797942926946815,0.15629662630519875,0.1141098671558655,0.0,0.02654761887503726,0.10545005076177057,0.0,0.027592530918373902,0.0,0.03465449149447688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361788387409162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03452053807193408,0.0,0.02012044639904475,0.0643285508083498,0.0,0.0,0.12951643665279378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027302010654398967,0.0,0.2559508024720741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052124673644778616,0.0,0.027632603771997704,0.03223638219212597,0.0,0.041212619546027784,0.028220822225742563,0.0,0.029811496155997614,0.02803919298317571,0.0,0.08823348518999775,0.0,0.1892987400117345,0.1114410448469463,0.02995544496520646,0.03417642309370958,0.02851485654469955,0.0,0.0,0.10262260871012563,0.024103877582971486,0.08652750958194777,0.11409947105834699,0.0,0.05319246604071425,0.02616781494685736,0.1247614207289778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553234102353992,0.09963412483005364,0.027947720887400426,0.0924061556295168,0.06403730726037855,0.06632507632876161,0.0,0.0,0.04182338319861896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03599887106038984,0.03339863102473624,0.0,0.0,0.03256312009957955,0.03095968937432545,0.0,0.06903301807115203,0.0,0.2228963793063016,0.025430935045262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031902571905267955,0.08814567039553561,0.16766208062189328,0.0,0.082646520245114,0.027609683723684303,0.02619887579876113,0.03490313236241832,0.0,0.13261921145132416,0.1126314286587037,0.0,0.10412617858879836,0.0,0.09402923594347892,0.033984304016847384,0.0,0.0,0.09432222613224092,0.0,0.0,0.10961789054255752,0.02490233872022252,0.0331590596795888,0.0,0.04626657311221312,0.07218660123391678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422818113014764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034642233352408416,0.0,0.0,0.1946619553107951,0.027241319894598555,0.0,0.0,0.029492659251061187,0.0,0.0,0.0317400824967293,0.0,0.0,0.03646936768872632,0.031363101612845605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01998655290383093,0.06415449190133614,0.0308047471061414,0.0,0.0,0.05328668352620995,0.02967691034246877,0.07443087933229803,0.09370539955252973,0.0,0.049722317796656666,0.05680387089633372,0.0,0.0,0.03202480377666645,0.025807715037583813,0.035068412253558494,0.0,0.0,0.15860628653375589,0.0,0.030856106401752587,0.0,0.022082453265723574,0.06650688291279651,0.04983031213752495,0.10433334538995401,0.0714755345176213,0.0,0.0,0.03412608660568117,0.0,0.02940420955807947,0.0,0.09382953334906677,0.0,0.027268857199394498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363445920975964,0.1999073397930195,0.030652360056517187,0.12384058899559205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943448846799283,0.0,0.06354518458053532,0.0,0.0,0.25982984415995125,0.0750558891851869,0.0,0.0,0.025742023329115564,0.11041007369175827,0.09905564334325176,0.02502554847545181,0.0,0.0280511911602444,0.057842629428562074,0.2252142918336109,0.0,0.0,0.06014846607162235,0.06766686762520241,0.022712873800050763,0.031683583109105413,0.031793928782255405,0.2437876500277249,0.0,0.0,0.020090806011084098
suicidewatch,cadrebp,2019/02/27,"The Sunset Limited I recently read The Sunset Limited as part of my literature class at school. Two men sit and debate about whether or not one of them should commit suicide. It was nothing I'd not thought before, but I expected that I would hear something new at the end.

I didn't. The suicidal man walked away fully intent on his original aim, and the attempted savior sat weeping. It's silly that I looked for solace in a play, but it was weirdly comforting to see my thought processes so clearly laid out. 

I would like to be dead. But I will sleep now. I feel like my iq has seriously dropped because of the toll depression has taken on my mental state over the years. I will go to sleep now.",4.452426470588237,5.845704095588237,5.418411764705883,80.43835294117648,70.54411764705883,8.969411764705884,30.511764705882353,9.3871,2.7750964705882355,551,23,105,12,10,181,95,136,0.159,0.6629999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.4805,0,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,1,3,4,9,0,0,8,0,11,2,2,2,2,23,20,9,3,4,7,0,1,2,0,5,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,2,3,2,0,2,3,4,0,2,7,4,15,5,17,7,1,20,0,2,2,0,5,8,0,1,9,71,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887478928976676,0.0,0.0,0.10956987471229508,0.0,0.15294834775722055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481267955172331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591992528991381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908836358469764,0.12840868148597626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215228507378878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258381301125652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756270382279965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093914016842394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113901553802952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173597242522295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246858710278834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179874227485335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464452662770831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979198596682408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774748686554939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819098610425824,0.1432321744080976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35974630671807506,0.0,0.0,0.1383752083423887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932200915138702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853922765927194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558313020360172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553690302071905,0.0,0.0,0.11574882097601435
suicidewatch,Xxina,2019/02/27,"Should i die? I see no reason as to why i shouldnt. Ive failed everyone i met, im short, i basically worthless. No-one would care.",-2.4510344827586223,-0.8294643793103411,1.3202758620689643,95.92731034482759,106.58620689655173,5.078620689655172,16.144827586206898,6.742157984588678,-0.047998620689655436,99,3,25,2,5,36,21,29,0.301,0.502,0.197,-0.4763,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379773697689173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865810450132592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559257692763499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023481588022668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829770361579543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29682264384469204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361101437740968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646029462842115,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joshb44231,2019/02/27,"I feel suicidal ALL the time Hi Reddit,

My name is Josh, I’m 27 years old, and I always have suicidal thoughts, basically 24/7 and I don’t know why. 

I have HIV, depersonalization and ARFID (for those who aren’t sure what ARFID is we have an amazing support team at /r/ARFID)

I am unemployed because my medicine is 3,000 plus dollars a month, and I’m in Medicaid right now- working could mean losing my insurance and dying from AIDS. 

I guess I just...  I feel like I’m not good enough, not productive enough to society, and that the world would be better off without me in it. 

I live on 741 dollars a month, and it’s just not enough. I have a boyfriend, and he helps in many ways, but he can’t help how I feel about life. 

I often find myself wishing I were someone else, someone with money, a job, not HIV positive, not suffering from depersonalization or an eating disorder. 

I hate feeling like this, and I’d love to feel normal but I can’t shake that nagging feeling that my death would bring so much death and release to the ones I’m inconveniencing. 

I’m sorry to ramble, I’m sorry if I’m just bitching about my life, but I felt it was best to talk here, in a judgmental-free zone where I won’t be made fun of, and made to feel even lesser a person than I do now. 

",2.5361620091970285,4.293563622568094,3.9340024761230974,87.66433586841177,76.19844357976655,7.007357622921826,24.522285107888226,7.84624498591911,1.1755540856031126,989,33,212,15,22,326,148,257,0.158,0.684,0.158,-0.2283,4,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,0,5,13,16,3,1,11,0,21,6,0,3,2,53,47,19,5,6,14,0,8,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,10,14,1,0,12,1,3,2,11,6,0,1,6,8,26,10,23,35,6,20,0,2,0,3,12,10,1,4,9,130,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195433057330847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736671850114015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159748873206808,0.09773834512872202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823435368282083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469337683140515,0.0,0.12665562886504894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308074265729022,0.09231808704838464,0.0,0.0,0.3425634267892389,0.0,0.0729917317980804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911451601069921,0.15789872027292987,0.1061082662969552,0.0,0.1010054097069428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269171197475644,0.0,0.0,0.1217407568518014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910711981748583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814691242387545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966550383135988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060734170620942114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561149279891638,0.10798056743754576,0.0,0.09758358331705737,0.0,0.0,0.1236339793186521,0.0,0.0,0.09974084544066687,0.2091371012962117,0.0,0.11204120548631427,0.0,0.12037930281872787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764182766379506,0.0,0.08123858832288412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827769983551123,0.0,0.0,0.11596311531473155,0.0,0.07488537890700209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964942843951737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437612447833807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727188671311126,0.0,0.0,0.247416910065338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24176305105362106,0.12540701740356638,0.10415567859746754,0.0,0.0,0.08882487035418822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773370057282665,0.0644400810663099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771879865488699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971934184051376,0.0,0.12708264626944218,0.1065290377541399,0.0,0.08045360916334872,0.0,0.0,0.15700824352541246,0.0,0.0,0.07116571283854026
suicidewatch,Delirious23,2019/02/27,"I don't get it Why is it so hard to kill myself? Thought this would be easier, I've tried scarfs, ties attached to door hooks and around my neck, tightened by twisting body then pushing neck and body further for many minutes, it made me feel better, the lack of oxygen and damaged circulation, but could never finish it.

I've tried laying my neck on the sharp end of knives but they were too dull and pushing neck on knives, on a pillow and not a flat surface doesnt achieve much, except a few marks that go away after a bit.

I keep a tie around my bed so I can cut circulation/hurt myself and feel better when things are shit, and I've been overly sensitive and offended easily for the purpose of hurting myself because I'm too self-destructive.

I have my last free therapy session on Thursday, I received 8 free ones from doctor referral and cant afford any paid ones so I cant continue that anymore and every night for the past while I've really wanted to keep trying and finally end my life and I've been getting closer each time with a tighter squeeze with the tie and holding it for longer.

Every anti-depressant I take (tried 4 diff ones so far) gets eventually overtaken by my emotions and self-destruction so they don't work. I just hate how hard this is, from family probably doing their best to keep me alive when I don't want to be, and then my inability to actually finish it because of them.

At least I've been getting closer though, with the way I'm going either I'll be disabled, or dead in the next few months, weeks, days...

Also, sorry if this is a jumbled mess, I mainly vent to family, thought venting to strangers for a change would help, and theres more to this as well but I've already typed too much. 
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suicidewatch,Lavendrina,2019/02/27,"It's back full circle I've been noticing my depression getting worse lately, but I just sort of hoped forcing myself around people would help. It didn't.

I don't belong anywhere.

I try to fit in but I just feel like an outcast. a replacable. I feel trapped. That no one out side of my family will ever really love me. That no one will accept me into their group.

I feel so alone.

I cut again for the first time in forever. Fuck it was so disappointing. It didn't help at all but I just wanted to see beautiful red blobs trickle down my skin. It's the only thing that can truly calm me when I get so low.

I'm trying not to fantasize about death. I tried to move on. But God damn do I want to die so badly right now. I want the easy way out so much. I just want this terrible loop to stop. ",-0.3494414019715215,1.8846716024096395,1.9250164293537784,94.7004600219058,92.01204819277108,5.1868565169770005,15.97918948521358,6.7829847944221076,-0.18888192771084267,610,14,138,9,22,205,109,166,0.277,0.505,0.218,-0.9545,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,1,16,13,3,0,5,0,10,3,1,0,2,27,24,10,2,6,9,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,8,0,3,4,6,21,5,19,17,3,25,0,3,2,2,5,14,2,2,10,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740717827841708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438911934016004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428887087830336,0.13496013813516414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921770580149148,0.0,0.1677536802423023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620991466969785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523769723107961,0.0,0.2451855619478567,0.11547350057654285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374883442459016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943079606681164,0.1688973157464369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668373939474228,0.0,0.0,0.1605420059051293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233356927495326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896767050867942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588369751939356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717945440249315,0.11882178854046545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402478861941665,0.0,0.0,0.2190588202221123,0.1229322173301568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205873941729992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354879709865117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380371094271572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880375674521086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513576433604335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738443633352032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425183086095863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32922272571899885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813507469535883,0.1282999219948116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472190558741584,0.11482228271334476,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gemlarin,2019/02/27,"Add this veteran to the pile of bodies. This is the only place I know this post wont get removed, and in my last few minutes alive, I wanted to make a statement about the VA.

They are killing vets though inadequate care and indifference. We are begging for help and the government chooses instead to politicize veterans for their own careers instead of taking the steps necessary to prevent this.

Mom, if this makes it to you, I loved you and thank you for everything. Im going to be with my brother now. I am so sorry it had to end this way.

Goodbye.",4.405630841121496,5.891130065420562,5.175782710280377,81.77713200934579,70.77570093457945,7.966822429906544,32.06658878504673,8.472884824447931,2.545505607476636,435,20,82,7,8,141,76,107,0.087,0.7759999999999999,0.138,0.7148,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,3,2,0,6,4,1,0,6,0,7,2,1,2,0,15,17,7,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,12,3,15,14,2,10,0,0,0,1,10,2,0,1,3,60,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519737603115977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312836912550893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091742164909246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387374298074368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851719866721665,0.0,0.1289212942826557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204948448296365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450316277922953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097048605977856,0.0,0.1246681308752858,0.18490902781291516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047365535065213,0.0,0.3028417227830692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26567823184704603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252591563731834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370048411893637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172548937963938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539345100906715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705592790909577,0.0,0.0,0.20884848449429652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287415260722016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337991134993611,0.1800590764494523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KorgRue,2019/02/27,"Add one more veteran to the list This is the only place I know this post wont get removed, and in my last few moments alive, I wanted to make a statement about the VA.  


They are killing vets though inadequate care. Inadequate treatment. Inadequate follow-up. As this vets suicide to the list. We are begging for help and the government chooses instead to politicize veterans for their own careers instead of taking the steps necessary to prevent this.  


Mom, if this makes it to you, I loved you and thank you for everything. Im going to be with my brother, your son now.  


Goodbye and fuck you VA.",3.935178571428573,6.231849303571429,4.5815714285714275,82.16342857142858,73.82142857142857,7.337142857142857,31.735714285714284,8.238735603445708,2.5615685714285714,470,23,85,8,10,150,78,112,0.158,0.718,0.124,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,5,2,0,5,5,2,0,7,0,5,2,0,2,0,15,16,7,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,13,3,15,14,3,9,0,0,0,2,13,2,1,1,3,59,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400345678756708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115875336130149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176494208553748,0.12300142916927083,0.0,0.1337991753555105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780244644804187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25430267293739234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26046623453645873,0.0,0.12938508876318494,0.1919052672781432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21248298953811603,0.0,0.3143000774005422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27573046430256964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953212660825014,0.17905362623118753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459721839037324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254749752059944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575200542003051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701257979590934,0.0,0.0,0.216750500024606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313068449462201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388615523069669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iamerror73,2019/02/27,What's the point Why should I stress out when I can just end it all right now? It's all going to end some day anyway so why not right now? ,-1.6809374999999989,0.1615377812500043,0.06750000000000256,108.8275,93.0625,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.603025,107,0,30,0,4,34,24,32,0.105,0.895,0.0,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842115792667396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059774002164713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233351189328138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700183300938956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878631384001561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327195054008605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154840945039806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,6equj52,2019/02/27,"there is no circle for me i hear this thing about people having ""circles"". a word for a group. you are either in a circle or you are excluded from a circle. some people don't fit in certain circles but that's ok because there's always another circle for them. but why am i so special? why do i bear such a unique honor as to suffer this primal desire to be ""in"" when I'm stuck in a world that has no circle for me? it is perhaps pretentious of me to think this but up until this point in my life I've found no evidence to prove this theory wrong. how long must i go with the constant exclusion before i can deem it true?",2.0147832167832185,3.586794492307696,3.9960139860139883,87.46262237762241,77.15384615384616,6.573426573426572,21.048951048951047,7.348242739294969,0.6507692307692308,484,12,101,6,11,165,84,130,0.184,0.684,0.132,-0.5446,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,1,7,7,0,0,7,1,12,1,0,1,4,16,18,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,1,12,5,20,14,2,14,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,2,4,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639265279697136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600959811417123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120544791082444,0.0,0.21106735305280025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680476712609179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719676729549887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409692404983943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795638515265409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520096078131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951132000251186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439252465200764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344819530486396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478955113394636,0.1589367139273432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476426367157045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119740456843017,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luke_Fury_6,2019/02/27,Support this man! Can everyone that sees this please go give some support to this guy? It seemed like he’s been through a lot and based on his past posts and comments it does indeed seem like he could be seriohttps://reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/av8h1m/last_week_on_earth/,9.949285714285717,14.000533214285722,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,62.0952380952381,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.8520285714285718,233,6,36,2,4,58,35,42,0.0,0.7240000000000001,0.276,0.9065,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,3,8,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,4,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863756948435746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042770803989625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230533668072861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392832867279275,0.13266424220014128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113343436301506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280852348975088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984547267453665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283634556807366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25623718920142885,0.0,0.0,0.2235624146510627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601432031405826,0.4250137123213315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297895667909361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tomatopeachapple,2019/02/27,What to die I have been self harming myself for sometime now and really been thinking that I should just kill myself and that no one would care I have no one. I don’t trust anyone at my school. I just go to my classes by myself have my dumbass teachers say tons of stupid shit about how I didn’t do this right blah blah blah. Even getting help wouldn’t matter because I just wouldn’t tell the people about my thoughts and i never have and never will. I don’t know how I’d do it yet but once i got that I just wait for the right time and then I’m gone. ,1.7372268907563004,3.206442932773112,2.7350336134453777,96.64893697478992,77.65546218487395,5.432268907563026,19.463025210084034,5.6839178017228535,-0.3820426890756297,435,9,102,2,10,138,69,119,0.185,0.752,0.063,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,3,0,2,0,16,1,1,2,2,23,26,9,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,9,4,0,2,6,1,18,2,9,15,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,6,74,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451399696151347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653466284244855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116346558119128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542815340453506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710010490120902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084484012323396,0.0,0.11796860208463045,0.0,0.1660152065846089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913190394146602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964893092106825,0.0,0.11407677223296232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201864125001367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22105862545035468,0.2813138707852052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390508315907208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329766721898604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35453266410895024,0.0,0.16507049663838275,0.0,0.21007510499742252,0.0,0.0,0.21654406072594767,0.0,0.213070850898862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052951484822996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814280782806203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300449016852764,0.0,0.1647898913424894,0.12103757037130396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745400696366767,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Johnnyboy016,2019/02/28,"Passing on my depression to others? I'm talking about the effect my death would have a family and friends if anyone has exp with this? it's basically the only fear keeping me here right now. I know it would be tragic and painful but in a selfish way, I can almost rationalize and accept that. I'm just scared that it would too traumatic. It's one thing to feel heartbroken for a while, it's another to become overwhelmed causing them to spiral into depression (I wouldn't wish this upon anyone). Maybe I'm naive but if anyone has insight or similar sentiments, please let me know

​",5.545446428571426,7.022686937500005,6.200357142857143,75.54464285714286,68.01785714285714,9.171428571428573,30.964285714285715,9.516144504307137,3.028835714285714,475,19,81,10,8,155,77,112,0.298,0.632,0.07,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,5,10,0,3,5,0,10,1,0,2,0,25,18,9,1,7,6,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,0,1,8,2,11,12,0,9,0,4,0,0,3,5,0,4,2,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677795870241046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154302174558706,0.20359457993147126,0.0,0.17569336477325698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514697300531204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850485295058835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212253213809922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28862537868958604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795354866530534,0.1885431012465658,0.08471955878864577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294506159184126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489283261163478,0.0,0.0,0.1841649016388276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133374363948567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683289678921517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353788402470524,0.12743119697238567,0.17828763208105916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839222873763875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308888640370854,0.0,0.0,0.16774924345955966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467232156637074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113144101308628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299534480333364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926770614542945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570733834394231,0.0,0.20359457993147126,0.0
suicidewatch,key_fits,2019/02/28,Maybe in a life... Maybe in a next life I could be better. Maybe in the next life I wouldn’t be so weak,-2.3187500000000014,-0.6346920416666659,-0.17833333333333454,110.59,94.41666666666666,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.67115,77,0,23,0,3,25,14,24,0.158,0.7190000000000001,0.123,-0.2123,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019097881865827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072458261834032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796398005490309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6822065303390061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814583148406048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squaredfishgirl,2019/02/28,"I don't know how to make myself want life I really just want to be dead. I'm just so sad all the time and I don't know how to stop being sad. I've felt this way for so long now (years) and I'm just so tired. I'm so, so tired. I just want to lie down, close my eyes, and never have to wake up again. My brain says, on repeat: ""Can I die yet? Can I die yet? Can I die yet? Is it time to die yet? Can I die now? It's been so long, now is it time?""

​

I was going to therapy for a while but it's so taxing and it makes me feel really worn out and not in a good way. I don't want to go anymore. I'm really tired of talking about it and thinking about it and I just want it to go away. 

​

I don't want to take medicine because I am too scared. I've learned over the years my body does not react well with medicine(s), and I don't want my body to get even more fucked up by it.

​

I want to want life but I just don't and I don't know why or how to make myself want it. I want to be happy I guess, it's hard to explain, but I don't even want life so it's hard to even want to be happy when I don't even want life. It doesn't help that I don't even like the idea of life. Sure, the world is amazing, living things are amazing and science is amazing, and how far we have come as humans is amazing. I still just don't want it. Life doesn't make sense to me. It's like a math equation that doesn't add up. Why would I do this thing that's really hard, that has some great moments along the way, sure, but also has a lot of really painful ones too? It just logically does not make sense to me. It's like I'm being told: Life= 1 billion of the most amazing, orgasmic, fantastic cakes that have ever and will ever be made + 50 stabs to your heart. Um, 1 billion cakes sounds really nice, but 50 stabs to the heart (or even 10, or even 1) are not worth any amount of amazing cakes. I refuse, thank you very much. And I was being generous because I don't think life is even as good as 1 billion cakes. If someone had somehow asked me before I was born if I wanted to be born, knowing what I know now, I would have said no. 

​

I am trying to hold on but it is so hard. How do I make myself want life and want to live?",0.10179161928090252,1.5965632474849123,2.0619250284314603,99.52331532674307,82.52112676056338,5.2070510016621485,17.645394103752952,5.922688038783598,-0.6479295424722249,1702,34,440,11,46,566,180,497,0.165,0.662,0.173,0.7515,0,0,0,0,0,1,82.0,1,2,0,0,50,24,1,1,11,0,54,22,8,13,6,104,107,45,6,22,23,0,6,3,0,3,13,3,0,1,28,21,0,3,13,0,2,4,21,5,2,4,10,10,47,19,49,86,7,47,0,2,1,2,12,13,1,10,30,279,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879399282997477,0.0,0.21024531205803887,0.23578326271887126,0.032988942535523126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048109583608868564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04535096020606293,0.0,0.045577403714614176,0.0,0.0,0.0591433503570871,0.0,0.04127903651297976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776891339843372,0.0,0.05415398963021156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178767646069231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517322618832327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490408876107654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563269022421712,0.08776141894805642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0245284697583965,0.0,0.046577883775634016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484736458190063,0.025344840874695542,0.0,0.08270925382218472,0.08137695465199844,0.0,0.05348322292463306,0.053440010107522036,0.0,0.0,0.10328109390043604,0.17382425088983805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497083670932258,0.032515702637563065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476268059174255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333010725325998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083809067266073,0.07109963948601439,0.0,0.0856716815904139,0.08586089380795267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041242066172415694,0.0,0.045902001499516884,0.19428763151179712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035660949491061994,0.0,0.03741444586937652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032872108808781345,0.0,0.05161880980407647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864631967867244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046144788780702856,0.03857765926344695,0.04856767792496045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110296246550442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874071124533544,0.04055712109385172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144152970529393,0.0,0.03647401252202268,0.03899106669186865,0.0,0.04466213904778564,0.055476218299464135,0.0,0.06445671298596377,0.062167401282742125,0.0,0.0,0.08486094564957974,0.16726775569049265,0.0,0.046354056991796934,0.0,0.03293558400185365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002641163120309,0.5150316664680322,0.11551661763800232,0.0,0.0,0.04361694921065415,0.0,0.08754673083492742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892122521610697,0.0,0.23578326271887126,0.062478606372231175
suicidewatch,Anon0274,2019/02/28,"“An interesting title” mocks me... How about life is terrible and why do humans put up with it? A Ted Talk by me How can somedays the thought of taking my own life is swatted away like a annoying fly in my mind and others it’s the only single thought on my mind the entire day? Today was another one of those all encompassing suffocating days. I hate myself so much. I have no friends at all. And no that’s not an exaggeration. I honestly have not one single friend. I haven’t had a real friendship with someone for at least 5 years. The only reason I’m still around is luck and my self imposed responsibility to my family. My gift of looking like the functional college student doesn’t have a single crack on the outside. I’m really very good at pretending and lying to my family and those that talk to me. Well, that’s it for now... Thanks",2.263979447200569,4.653156560240966,4.283295535081503,81.74551027639974,79.78313253012048,7.279376328844791,23.62012756909993,8.313332769828598,1.66518894401134,663,23,128,14,17,226,102,166,0.146,0.6920000000000001,0.162,0.4328,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,3,0,12,0,12,2,0,3,2,22,20,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,4,1,2,4,1,15,10,21,16,8,17,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,8,95,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640905551852669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393068545011192,0.0,0.0,0.14702494877051994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184269666590612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950445570602245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418033653409813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312541041579191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449878919913515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210631844244733,0.15290355894320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140990105190092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31601508220638097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150361548643968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207965876478174,0.2380312527579836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731293629857376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811678159931674,0.1002497572657374,0.16089498453189766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632503593872358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259116268770005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497094222048903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765895784858404,0.2515570925792671,0.0,0.1440724607000162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248466837602084,0.0,0.0,0.1483316418087932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291183928859559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070085613864333,0.0,0.1412054282054739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077267628767267
suicidewatch,chillestbutsad,2019/02/28,"Another standard cry for help Usually I try to recap things I like when I feel like this. Listening to biggie and ice cube, as well as other old artists, sometimes Joyner Lucas. It makes me happy. I used to love video games, but now they make me feel more distant. I never leave my room anymore so sports are a 'no'. I'm constantly questioning if I'm sick or if I'm greedy because I can't shake this feeling that loves me more than anyone I know. I just wish I could pause life and just lay down and be by myself for a while, like at least a few days. I'm afraid of everyone and everything I have around me. I'm to the point I wont try to ryhme these and make a hit song for suicide awareness. I can relate and sympathize to everyone even crazy people. I don't know what the fuck I want and what I'm going to be happy with. Why won't I even get the strength to get up and kill myself I can't do anything with myself, I can't clean or work extra. I feel like I'm on autopilot. I want to stop being a witness to my own actions and conduct my life. Who will care what I have and what I've done? Who will read this and get inspired? Nobody? Just like the crowd supporting me while I'm alive. I don't want to call in a suicide crisis and talk to somebody because my family might get unemployed. All I've ever felt like is a inconvenience. This music won't get me a high school degree, a loving family, a better self image, or honestly the will to live. Why isn't there a service to send suicidal people to sacrifice themselves to something beneficial like organ donation or science experiments. ",2.2649534588533946,4.130676003067485,3.9241992807277377,86.95015337423315,77.3128834355828,7.0732388407023485,23.81806642690925,7.990435384864732,1.2943132219166489,1251,41,258,21,29,418,175,326,0.155,0.613,0.231,0.9627,2,0,1,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,1,3,12,23,2,2,16,0,24,7,0,4,3,49,61,25,4,7,10,0,5,7,0,7,3,2,2,1,15,15,0,1,9,6,1,4,11,4,1,0,2,7,35,19,32,47,7,24,1,0,0,4,15,9,1,8,18,163,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855911041471732,0.0,0.0,0.09321509426286403,0.06572159393809422,0.0,0.07734764523169786,0.08367306478304568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145936540082876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312854146839448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597663609491763,0.0,0.09583140295110328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157227309797848,0.0,0.07504519458969135,0.0,0.10324611599102664,0.0606172506535754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618674513085247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416204091926172,0.08502140661198478,0.0,0.1796273202896732,0.08447420874647336,0.09194249440377596,0.1772151300465035,0.0,0.19010130199765507,0.13429622016546106,0.09024733745378097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868943566614505,0.2455354582175728,0.0,0.053417983924134924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011307896096908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300105008235757,0.09930801392328084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398854172516003,0.0,0.10331140790980872,0.0,0.0,0.09952426269599783,0.0,0.0,0.13277906688609298,0.3214391928947484,0.0,0.08299691325572375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25449513173322585,0.0,0.18822174842251446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971096521099906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249264776142962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862909616025456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032483699820205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885309415137739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529287488951007,0.0,0.09401772470509737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512521453431128,0.0,0.0,0.09805445644280142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235985616369907,0.09296077725379044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785817623475933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084369259869516,0.10666133576264644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554744157923157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062444300346775464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762918890735614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117915936075251,0.10351922726549713,0.0,0.16631726202582642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451035588219462,0.0,0.16962684261684194,0.0,0.10808649375441666,0.0,0.0,0.06842750587611555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moby_Maize,2019/02/28,"I want to die but I don’t want to hurt others I’ve had a plan to kill myself for awhile. Write a bunch of letters, put them into a zip-lock bag I would tape to my shirt, then I would jump off the  stairs in the math department hallway. I would try to aim my head to the stairs so it could shatter my skull. I haven’t done this yet for a couple reasons. 

I have friends. I have a family that loves me. I’m seeing a therapist. I have an amazing girlfriend who I love and who loves me. Yet, I have depression and anxiety. People tell me that I have nothing to worry or be sad about. I wish I could say that it’s not that simple. I only feel good with my girlfriend. Nothing else makes me happy. When I’m not with her, I feel numb and dead. My mom, who I’m not even sure loves me, just experienced her mentor/father-figure pass away, I don’t know what she would do if someone else close to her died. 
I’ve figured some stuff out. If I were to kill myself, that would make over people depressed, causing them to eventually kill themselves, causing more people to get depressed, and the cycle continues. 
I can’t live like this. I’m probably leaving out details on why I want to die but who even cares, no one reads long posts anyway.
TL/DR: everything sucks, I’m sad and I don’t know why, I can’t kill self because girlfriend would be sad and kill self.",1.5767824648469784,3.4650562688172037,2.9326344086021514,93.14972084367248,79.50179211469533,5.725999448580094,21.48345740281224,6.67199483983844,0.29993730355665793,1045,30,231,10,26,339,147,279,0.274,0.563,0.163,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,0,2,1,9,25,6,0,11,0,25,8,3,5,1,46,48,14,9,14,9,1,2,1,4,6,1,1,0,2,16,12,0,0,6,1,0,4,10,14,0,1,3,5,40,11,26,35,3,22,0,7,1,4,25,11,1,4,7,146,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638419478721566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840761592860937,0.0,0.0,0.05087267726532154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508673672037505,0.1714601338356182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332621774814342,0.09234007029172904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563597213452068,0.0,0.2598356847639193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540223775200859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942992482511513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024092897556842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500291697639633,0.0,0.07867283921966349,0.0,0.08439352307890201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447621835084902,0.0,0.04360117924921758,0.0,0.0,0.06999710915683262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883814876707682,0.0,0.0,0.08564770110759032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933904593390593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46164646447986496,0.0,0.09172807967257213,0.0,0.0,0.0883655511296709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040771323588246186,0.0,0.07369125661654805,0.07385400918330982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012813420732367,0.0,0.11141215273137337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774011147449173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601523921264757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565504717728348,0.06347039465520947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356912377850378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992569579529328,0.0,0.08997733850069076,0.0,0.0,0.08389414444994905,0.0,0.0,0.08347640901295207,0.0,0.0,0.08580443154383942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636583140832188,0.0,0.0,0.06650189389927036,0.0,0.17412108062041212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707101552932456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553466372717197,0.0,0.0,0.07865424263688672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294232162083251,0.0,0.0,0.09689632328650448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665966927321396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766968499110553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060819370255873,0.0,0.09596778043417584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475141045867009,0.0,0.3556992181856743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,izzybeee3,2019/02/28,"What if it doesn’t get better? Lost a boyfriend a few days ago (not through death, just left me and is now with other girls). Lost some friends, struggling with school work. I’m so sick of this. I was in love, he helped me through this. And now it’s all gone. He’s with other girls now, like I am nothing. Like the past year of us meant nothing. I keep crying... it hurts. I can’t hurt anymore. I’m in high school currently and I can’t fucking fathom the next years of my life. It’s not just the heartbreak though... it’s everything. I’ve had enough, I don’t know what to do. I’m not even an adult yet. My friends tell me it will get better, but what if it never does? I want everyone else to feel happy, like my friends and even him honestly. I want you (whoever is reading this) to be happy too :) But with me, I just can’t feel it anymore. I’m always in pain. I don’t feel worthy of that feeling anyway.  I talk to my best friend everyday but I still feel like I don’t belong here. Everyone says I’m so nice and amazing but I don’t see it, I don’t like who I am and I just want to give my life to someone who deserves living. My heart is too big and too vulnerable in this dark world. Most die without choice and I feel so bad for feeling suicidal. 

This is my first post on reddit so I’m sorry if I fucked something up!

TL:DR lost a boyfriend, struggling with high school, I feel powerless and so tired. 
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suicidewatch,RealisticLaserBattle,2019/02/28,"How do I help an Online friend who I know is depressed and sometimes suicidal when I don't know where they live and they joke about their depression when I confront them? I really need to know, I have been friends with them online for years and we are pretty good friends and she used to be really depressed and I think she's either gotten better or just learned to avoid it more either way I know they are still depressed and every time I confront them they change the topic or joke about it or just plain 'ol ignore me. Anyway I know around where they live but not enough to do anything about it especially since we are thousands of miles apart. They are Vietnamese and doesn't love their family a single bit, which I couldn't imagine since my household is very caring, infact on the occasional call I can sometimes hear her parents yelling in the background. Anyway back to the point, how can I help them or get someone to help them? (btw I don't know their name either)",5.9197695035460995,6.6744968989361695,5.27,85.18333333333334,66.71276595744679,7.7560283687943254,27.90070921985816,7.492282038375204,1.4426581560283689,779,23,150,7,12,235,106,188,0.112,0.7390000000000001,0.149,0.8073,1,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,2,0,14,1,16,17,2,1,6,0,17,1,0,3,0,39,31,16,1,2,11,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,2,9,2,0,0,5,8,0,1,2,2,35,9,15,27,7,15,0,4,0,1,31,8,0,4,6,110,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012800813266014,0.109562673571864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463693132802696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884966717810886,0.13436581556138527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256731407921817,0.0,0.12548297049581686,0.0,0.13019682900703078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240166113177281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271691778843902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369583493256053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602397674582793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285261876886531,0.0,0.06430150808689135,0.0,0.0,0.1032293107207154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138714254784535,0.0,0.24748335092381976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058321787454926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217354622735218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107982047354463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125841155409366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666001070619666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634547599755204,0.0,0.0,0.1252113271593394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768974858127088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361750799727105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428088645092247,0.0,0.2434482666471553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828770161745136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346238654260653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886136819888957,0.0,0.0,0.07176591099184597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629711916184824,0.0,0.1015496070351227,0.0,0.09769105489020714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925614196522322
suicidewatch,not_thicc_sadness,2019/02/28,"i feel so drained I don’t know what happened. I was doing so good, I felt happier than I had ever felt but I feel like I just relapsed. 

I’m so close to ending everything. I feel like there’s this deep pit inside of me that gets deeper and deeper. I feel empty. I hate feeling like this, I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to think, live, move, or breathe. My mind is going crazy, I feel like no one fucking cares. 

The nightmares of my past are just coming back and I’m so scared. I’m scared it’ll all just happen again, I’m scared I’ll have to live with my mom again. I can’t talk to my best friend because she doesn’t have her phone and my other friends wouldn’t understand. I just want to be emotionless. 

I need help, someone please. ",-0.06465739821251049,2.112122163522013,1.4774577954319774,99.3750148957299,88.37106918238995,4.353657729228732,17.802383316782525,5.750287758089431,-0.5624037735849057,580,15,136,4,19,186,91,159,0.16399999999999998,0.5720000000000001,0.264,0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,13,14,2,3,1,0,16,2,1,0,2,31,43,9,0,5,6,1,8,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,11,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,4,8,24,9,10,36,2,11,0,0,0,1,8,2,1,1,10,79,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180910251560324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444461596035572,0.0,0.07487279962068343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889694930361958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522797169916594,0.0,0.0,0.10580260696646343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878623155660262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111101976733675,0.0,0.0,0.11038692429046834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726231652689617,0.3509839726914213,0.2358619549033128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978812346380408,0.1135494597983664,0.06417083850583022,0.0,0.06980410985417025,0.1030195344466212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722696045678574,0.0,0.0,0.12126396685250827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232681014548772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067501245246987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400237852922056,0.0,0.2169129280014625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401793778517772,0.14385080901416222,0.0,0.1305432225738518,0.0,0.09107296180709916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322919824761876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725007799817735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482464156962787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36890686733458333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040689732291235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872184466354496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870111096307897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786484864640454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733557832477893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiquidRane,2019/02/28,"I’m done I thought to myself that I would be okay , after years of trying to keep myself happy and living on I think the last of my support system is gone. When I was 18 my mom blamed me for the death of my grandpa . That same year I lost two of my best friends to suicide and now I lost my girlfriend and best friend . When I tried to talk to her she called the cops on me for stalking I just needed her to know how I feel . I guess none of that matters now I’m giving up I’m not telling anyone where I go , where I’ll be dying just to disappear. To not comeback no matter happens I’ve had it with this life no one cares about me and no one will care I’m gone . Goodbye ",0.8639462592202349,2.385828376712329,2.4489041095890407,97.50837197049528,80.30136986301369,4.76628029504742,20.134878819810325,4.713530739802397,-0.4870783983140151,517,13,124,1,13,169,87,146,0.122,0.653,0.225,0.9525,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,4,10,11,0,0,3,1,8,1,0,1,0,21,29,7,3,2,4,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,8,1,24,9,21,17,4,18,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,1,8,86,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096143110923318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290321271076051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007543664283946,0.0,0.31966641665421075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269817809627604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042586875880374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926551232101985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24223377783737302,0.0,0.0,0.15038406573273144,0.08909363204581915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269523216641666,0.0,0.13862750292067766,0.1668801376875743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934066982306256,0.0,0.0,0.08615439863402788,0.1277850721060465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072833959193973,0.0,0.0,0.13842709715600654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34225683694897263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836022416814116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162398742067747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245716275540708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147637040646727,0.17789600250449147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600243340561598,0.13702024236514707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044921189297057,0.0,0.12445455557408082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286741204923676,0.0,0.15313743382747652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136194553427063,0.0,0.0,0.2019041053917744
suicidewatch,jksemoweeb,2019/02/28,"uhhhhh have you guys ever gotten to a point where you can't do anything? im so unmotivated to do anything i cant even self harm or attempt suicide. ive been acting like this for two months now and the only energy i have is used for school, and ill usually fall asleep in class too. im so tired all the time and ive overslept class too many times now. help? ",2.317938596491228,3.603333513157896,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,75.71052631578948,7.171929824561403,21.87719298245614,7.793537801064563,0.745235087719299,281,7,63,4,6,96,55,76,0.174,0.705,0.121,-0.7482,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,1,2,7,12,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,6,1,5,10,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,8,38,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348219337180372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974447270616178,0.19138331728058447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949428366608114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181546080445825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570784744873547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336573120922184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450565422068088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887857321086705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091368089813404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000845183544216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412700448121613,0.0,0.0,0.22072073253046634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314306652072725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467442524768435,0.24317639301215044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667977806399215,0.0,0.0,0.1827344127981058,0.2330219400722177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kj118,2019/02/28,"I know I'm going to kill myself I don't know when. I have a few ideas for how I will. I'm confident that it is the choice I want to make at some point. The hard part is writing out my goodbyes. I feel things that I can't put into words. I don't want to go without letters I feel content with. It will be my last connection to the people I love. It's not something I can half ass. But words can't describe how much I care about everyone and how sorry I am for hurting them. I wish I could tell everyone goodbye in person, but obviously that's not possible.

I hope they can forgive me. ",0.7909523809523833,2.5674896031746037,3.020873015873015,92.10607142857144,81.53968253968254,6.104761904761905,23.198412698412696,7.1686216300943375,0.7499650793650791,454,16,104,6,12,155,79,126,0.11,0.779,0.111,-0.2285,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,1,0,4,0,14,2,1,4,1,29,29,7,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,2,0,1,0,3,22,4,13,25,4,10,0,1,0,2,8,5,1,2,2,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892131942490248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817210793209676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546630645044776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767164767601224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109410288772624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166244999646673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432477750771006,0.0,0.0,0.19866934499871106,0.20949946325716826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053189616263361,0.0,0.20398200267351732,0.1512740807970547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749498011850344,0.0,0.12387741091623827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642410665238675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009671965855597,0.0,0.1286591761105455,0.16204302434886975,0.0,0.0,0.17543495394583392,0.2092157952026521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865611452738058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287007284156494,0.0,0.2077438297684549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220682801803174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329241947222105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892211695099226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341011514655064,0.17889440361007694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anondood6969,2019/02/28,"Advice Please I’ve done some horrendous things in my life when I was a kid. Absolutely fucking horrendous.

I’m not a bad person I swear. Everyone who knows me would say that I have a big heart and am a caring person.

But still...I cannot forgive myself. I’m haunted by these inner demons every second of the day and I don’t know any other way to solve it than to end it all.

At least then I’ll have peace. ",1.3062790697674416,3.120295151162793,3.2838953488372127,90.66561046511627,80.04651162790697,6.16046511627907,18.88953488372093,7.1686216300943375,0.21646976744186075,317,7,70,4,8,107,67,86,0.142,0.691,0.168,0.0731,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,8,3,1,0,1,10,14,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,7,2,7,11,3,9,1,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,4,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974349132114605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988057994953364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963042271805778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397068924132992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162433537804432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059572391349654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20823470307760708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980874874867196,0.22465447344611908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735230375576345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27860250492382355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584169257496807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606277546120654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105721057993327,0.0,0.25807649371684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696623965723574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877564694561505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619440730389433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661671055268206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701301423223794,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,httpfrog,2019/02/28,bye leaving tonight ig,2.942499999999999,4.731668250000006,0.7199999999999989,97.025,116.5,1.6,54.0,3.1291,3.8263,19,2,3,0,1,5,4,4,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,igetsad99,2019/02/28,I need help Ive been seeing therapist and a phyciatrist. Im takin anti-d. But i still feel like ass. And im really suicidal rn,-1.976785714285711,-0.2947736785714259,3.0297142857142885,83.31528571428574,107.21428571428572,7.954285714285715,16.314285714285713,8.238735603445708,1.6459628571428575,99,3,22,4,5,39,22,28,0.272,0.5579999999999999,0.171,-0.624,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,5,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531606298276627,0.2163992928809103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030344960085972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6543905521830177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479867499747582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22460426764789546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940521969017789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413804183722002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419046843424074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33133487847339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517023904469738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JDDranoel,2019/02/28,People actively advocating mental health to me make me want to kill myself more Like I don’t need a constant bearing reminder from people that I have a mental health issue. You talking all about mental health just makes me think more about my struggles in the past and the ones that I’m currently trying to deny that I have so I can do other things with my life. Now your “mental health awareness” has me feeling like shit and wanting to (and already) cut myself again. So thanks for that ,6.122258064516128,7.011003107526883,5.807688172043015,81.03153225806457,66.31182795698925,7.490322580645162,28.403225806451612,7.1686216300943375,1.5882129032258063,391,12,69,3,6,121,61,93,0.151,0.7170000000000001,0.132,-0.6095,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,2,0,0,7,7,3,1,4,0,6,6,1,2,1,13,15,5,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,14,3,10,15,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,7,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512732526498548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481368025844922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931271248088773,0.09793131554368227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828464716327317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307785762142067,0.0,0.0,0.15166077913536274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682497899640737,0.1339425551269028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300642578759616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525851331123299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164446988090912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289022303250556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086015635313386,0.1900706173193146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140712569959504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330773451883416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018121479068108,0.0,0.1262065686564447,0.0,0.0,0.09107110347007794,0.08783652737488112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306959165396568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617088775618068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chiwin,2019/02/28,"Hi, I'm Jared Hey guys, here's my story.

When I was born my family was hoping for a girl. I'm a guy. Guess that was my first fuck up. I have 6 siblings. Growing up they made me dress like a girl, put me in dresses, sprayed perfume on me, called me ""Sarah"". Eventually it turned into making me kiss the neighbor kid. Then at one point they made me lay naked with the neighbor kid. I was young and don't think much happened there but who knows, I don't remember other than getting naked and being told to have sex (not that I knew what that was at the time). 

My siblings constantly beat as well. I don't remember much of the physical beating but I do remember the pain and fear. I have one specific memory of locking myself in my parents room, crying and hoping they'd come home soon.

I don't have any bad feelings for my siblings. Most of us get along okay now a days. And I can't blame them for mistakes they made years ago. But I do feel that how they treated me shaped who I am today.

My parents are very religious and forced me to be the same. I never felt like I could ever be good enough for them. I discovered porn at a very young age and became addicted to it before I even knew what it was, I think that led to me having a very bad view of what a healthy relationship is. 

Now I'm 24. Sitting at work, unable to actually do anything because I have no desire to keep living in this fucked up world. I'm a virgin, I've never had anything close to a girlfriend. I have no friends at all. I have probably the worst case of social anxiety ever that won't let me get help. I live in my parents basement. I have no hobbies, and nothing that brings me joy. 

For real. Fuck this life.",2.066733909702208,3.7542022103746433,3.5774841498559087,90.01529442843422,77.32853025936599,6.47104707012488,23.95859750240154,7.3011,0.9009351392891448,1305,43,282,16,30,431,184,347,0.146,0.7170000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.8449,3,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,7,4,11,20,3,1,16,1,34,10,0,6,5,49,65,15,0,5,4,3,3,2,4,1,3,0,4,6,18,13,0,1,11,0,0,5,12,9,1,3,14,5,50,11,35,44,7,45,0,0,1,7,30,19,3,4,22,191,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.09088228185442247,0.101526380436891,0.0,0.0,0.08255488527275512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333217615111404,0.0,0.07124485046733905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327751960641886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552075053684372,0.056771705836716,0.0,0.07924749964243878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950970173476472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022398667991618,0.0,0.1006413707528338,0.0,0.07435741095046931,0.0,0.10229987299998504,0.060061698049813116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962290704213086,0.0,0.06151205251422416,0.16848438345984978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779548326548565,0.10479810571012242,0.0941795188362443,0.0,0.08942022730337851,0.0,0.0,0.07921705913554987,0.0,0.0,0.07195266886756674,0.25829392899354325,0.14597108637869094,0.0,0.0,0.07811374403880778,0.0,0.0,0.10259413832384702,0.184428380296569,0.08235530901297966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062423650133735076,0.0,0.09341784269890194,0.1849999088327159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277898454190659,0.0,0.0,0.051182283261588433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523261078728483,0.06578107829588661,0.09099806472750001,0.0,0.16447250541006792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643680052665263,0.06216557002212675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369237909006594,0.0,0.14365651604892218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936156875950889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126215757494775,0.0,0.09909779774548272,0.0,0.31023238522416224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803876213737302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041081515507204,0.0,0.0,0.0936222339016182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600330386717134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998768684873242,0.3164973176065671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493518016325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193489850320594,0.0,0.0,0.054305351481960064,0.0,0.08827716264908211,0.08899052461478693,0.0,0.0,0.1012996288940138,0.0,0.0,0.11202495371362517,0.0,0.0,0.2305281306966412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837358247421476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780037286284694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059973218301577674
suicidewatch,swaggerlly,2019/02/28,"The die is cast I’m done trying. After 8 years of paying out of pocket and sporadic attendance at a community college, I’m not getting my AA this semester. I can’t pass this math class after three tries. I’m so stupid it pisses me off. 

I regret quitting my welding job to finish school. I hate working minimum wage again. I’m going to end up a washed up old man, working myself to death at a thankless job. 

I have no real friends, at 26 I’ve never had a girlfriend. No pets to worry about. This will hurt my family, but life goes on.  

Saturday is the day. Tomorrow when I get off of work I’m going to deep clean my place so my family won’t have to worry about that. I’m going to wake up early Saturday and go to a secluded nature trail and end things there. Watching the sun come up in the woods, with the wind in the trees and the birds singing sounds like a good way to go. ",1.206448087431692,3.2018590710382533,3.3345628415300586,89.26337431693995,81.24043715846993,6.252459016393442,21.095628415300546,7.3871296695380915,0.7087464480874313,682,20,145,10,18,232,114,183,0.126,0.797,0.077,-0.7287,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,7,8,3,0,13,0,9,4,2,0,1,12,24,8,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,2,1,6,7,0,0,0,1,2,8,6,5,1,1,2,2,12,3,30,20,0,39,0,2,1,0,3,15,1,0,16,85,18,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741981324996474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539603634406364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351740280809725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137331593541628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620260824670125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788912529743225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142824734766907,0.0,0.1545639846303278,0.0,0.4203311665334339,0.12406811341092575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604018231038682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583512093066173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29357516172149045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448013192470207,0.07226614441356986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408487164897248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552169512876254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545447118344651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733091913848818,0.0,0.16836512047855706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970273849621984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827134489164197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085567412403535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741185514783213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32306213662495703,0.3004394818923976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525550389905384
suicidewatch,iceleo,2019/02/28,I feel like I’m just waiting to self harm so bad I accidentally kill myself and then I can be at peace I have been self harming for a while and I’ve been going deeper and deeper these days and burning way more than I promised myself I ever would. I edge closer and closer to my veins in hopes I slit my wrists the right way and end it all.,1.0112720156555781,2.8678159589041097,2.7018003913894333,94.2664383561644,81.1917808219178,4.719373776908023,17.277886497064582,5.288315135182226,-0.7103839530332676,267,5,61,1,7,88,51,73,0.229,0.632,0.138,-0.8643,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,2,13,11,9,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,12,3,6,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,6,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203270131156836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017940677744325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337174844121733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238692655714466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334245881030912,0.1885144149049512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499678840171892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620902818375332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919417847499379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891740640081284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253502733432967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505643706833593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41890796774053946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745127960686556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trismegisto97,2019/02/28,"I'm sad for the fact that I'm not able to kill myself. I wanted to try, but I didn't have the guts to do it. My life is totally pointless and miserable. Aging will only makes things worse. I blame my parents for having me, I fucking hate them. I wish I was able to kill myself and let them see my dead body and contemplate the mistake they did. I have so much anger in me... ",1.1814107142857146,2.7042744625000026,3.02714285714286,93.71500000000002,79.375,6.071428571428572,20.17857142857143,6.868970318607317,0.1577321428571432,287,7,67,3,7,96,54,80,0.326,0.565,0.109,-0.9766,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,3,0,1,8,5,1,3,0,10,4,2,1,2,11,18,5,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,3,1,17,0,7,13,2,2,0,2,1,1,4,1,1,0,1,48,20,0,0.44121719169430906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450464173382649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394909202114048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780531566039685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881414508442452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558723594337665,0.15582237541811902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472579507817969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217270149802895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778277814581907,0.0,0.0,0.2449597384211156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579648859899236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656254844303548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977875545166272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012066560227945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536889978580339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481900628786694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoeCon1999,2019/02/28,"Seriously considering suicide It’s the middle of the night and I’m drunk but I mean this.
Everything has gone wrong. I really want to die but I have a family and friends.
I keep thinking about walking out and killing myself but I can’t even think of a way to do it and I’m scared that I’ll traumatise someone if they find me dead. I definitely can’t do it here in my house with my family.
I feel like such a fucking hypocrite. I’ve commented on people’s posts like this before with reasons to keep living, but here I am ready to give up.
The girl I love is now my ex, and she is pregnant with someone else’s baby.
I have a dead end bartending job.
I have always had problems with depression but it’s just getting worse and I can’t see a way out.",0.13500000000000156,2.45146853503185,2.5033471337579627,91.09654936305729,89.7643312101911,5.942547770700637,21.22579617834395,7.365786028017652,0.8621059872611463,588,21,128,11,20,200,94,157,0.293,0.575,0.133,-0.9876,1,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,2,1,8,0,13,3,0,1,0,29,28,12,5,3,7,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,12,1,2,6,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,2,19,4,16,26,0,14,0,1,1,2,8,6,1,1,5,81,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946055128700298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239277423205334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400654817588856,0.0,0.16147437212567434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997267631150128,0.0,0.13780358569445314,0.0,0.0,0.10276351074557732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983124301069155,0.0,0.2933464815169217,0.0,0.07866928187531771,0.11115112929754373,0.0,0.0,0.14220337358886762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020585491981972,0.1438373449469244,0.08128759969520588,0.14925288577927082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952609728733354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439573639064527,0.2765851152670641,0.1721335690984539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202355018618144,0.0,0.13738585680547027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042302038495394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694794667014981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600752531924194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786418850821823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900899647766258,0.0,0.0,0.1488754055195056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967278793360956,0.15996898257139402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576937258389068,0.0,0.12398241110311135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26365611650131393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018653539801154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993872778506239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176903352439747,0.246994871503999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855608199864274,0.0,0.1701095704098075,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaxthekiller039,2019/02/28,I nees help I just cant take anymore i hate everything and everyone including me and ive wanted to kill my self for a long time but i cant and hate myself for i try my best but chicken out at the last second. Ive always hidden the dark side of me but recently its been unbearable and i need someone. It just hurts me mental and i cant take it anymore!! I just want to die.,-0.6152439024390262,1.4572916219512209,2.2860487804878065,93.27785365853659,90.09756097560977,5.719024390243902,19.175609756097558,7.1686216300943375,0.4276253658536584,291,9,67,5,10,102,50,82,0.14,0.682,0.17800000000000002,0.3248,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,15,13,8,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,16,1,7,12,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480243048561702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928461350571561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078525631863136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555581389774066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189255557494471,0.17800425285459476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910880198268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275596203122944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202815521444168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912490155166725,0.0,0.0,0.16144596582511508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752775525934363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995986760428043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685955448010926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955611203323012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662058298229335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781625128216854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29783410652220993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549083022198292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134470264658385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23364275244910224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mlowery15,2019/02/28,"We’re hanging on. I’m incredibly close to committing  suicide. 

I’m 25. Still live at home. Jobless. Single. Friendless. The only human I interact with face to face is my mother. I hate everyone else. I’ve isolated myself from everyone I used to know, and I don’t know why. I’ve been asked why and I don’t have an answer, I just don’t. 

It feels like a tonne weight is on my shoulders. I have no pressure on me, but still feel like giving up.... I want to. Bad. 

I’m lonely all the time, and want care and support, but at the same time I can’t stand to be around someone for longer than 20 minutes. 

I’m incredibly uncomfortable posting this tbh. But who knows, maybe it’ll make me feel better. ",-0.06712765957447075,2.27079056737589,2.139641843971635,92.27925,93.68085106382978,5.089503546099291,19.81595744680851,6.742157984588678,0.4135472340425528,534,18,114,8,20,179,89,141,0.158,0.68,0.161,0.1135,1,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,5,0,11,4,3,2,2,25,30,7,1,2,4,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,0,7,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,4,14,5,16,27,3,15,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600942397867628,0.1533332506288898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694689413131747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450592312766242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722571331932626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701470720146064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134495148986428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487949527805948,0.2343467853091674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733953492662087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619322990039045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452188367020248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27041747302640445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160260316303443,0.0,0.14482954016203162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948226146087596,0.0,0.16477658058793254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474190960875027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708243149382445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897061532272628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619675155688687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940738760586833,0.1861239364887683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127863502438835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165756122439,0.0,0.0,0.19348231667356536,0.0,0.0,0.19972786345184684,0.0,0.0,0.29599869021201586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinystew,2019/02/28,"I wish I could flip a switch and turn my life off. I don’t want to kill myself, I just don’t want to be alive anymore. If it was an easy task I would have done it by now. The only thing really stopping me is the actual act of committing suicide, because no matter what I do I’m scared of the pain and the potential that it might not work and fuck me up in some way. 

I just want to stop living. I’m so sick of everyone and everything. Even if it was just temporary, I just need a fucking break. ",2.9839786381842432,3.200245261682241,4.7078771695594135,88.53495327102806,73.01869158878505,8.731108144192259,24.631508678237648,8.841846274778883,1.3777807743658212,381,10,91,7,7,130,72,107,0.217,0.637,0.145,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,3,1,7,0,12,5,0,0,1,24,22,7,2,9,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,12,0,10,15,1,9,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,4,3,64,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.1824616930565997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543004016139755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397888954055099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492851941708566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134145766469207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349594460128152,0.0,0.0,0.1786636675036224,0.16804205417942958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457127662198965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068613417269652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206674251623834,0.0,0.0,0.16510331379251902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835208481866293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864040220922388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220374256639934,0.1989557434724708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978167160306055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871956851963084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126407683926514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452149595620356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421860657567255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337629532249224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33085002832281746,0.14841291790613176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501327694060865,0.0,0.0,0.13612082102251707,0.0,0.0,0.13282245034271667,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Grises_,2019/02/28,"I'm not depressed, I'm just physically ill I know why I want to die. I am just physically ill to the point I can't live a normal life anymore...and the big problem is that my illness probably won't kill me anytime soon. I am just very sick, and I have been for over three years. Long story short, I have a systemic auto-immune disease, which means my whole body is affected and getting destroyed by my own immune system. There's no real cure, and the meds are either pointless or they trigger even more symptoms. I have to see countless specialists all the time. Go to hospitals all the time. I'm sooo tired of it. I often lose the ability to use a part of my body, either my arm or voice or whatever. It's so annoying, and most people don't understand. I'm also a fucking burden, because I can't take care of myself fully most of the time. I mean, I can wash myself, eat by myself, etc but I have no physical strength and I sometimes can't get up due to extreme tiredness/dizziness. 

But if I could choose between dying and living a healthy life, I would definitely choose to live...the issue is that my illness is not curable, and I'm tired of being this way. 

Sure, some people have it worse than me and make it work, but I've always been pretty negative, so THIS happening to me is not going to make me any more positive. I'm aware that I only have one fucking life, and it's going to be shit. All I wanted growing up was to have a simple life. I never asked for ""big things"", never cared about money, never cared about having lots of friends, being famous or whatever. 

I have the health of a 90 year old, and I'm only in my 20s...it's not acceptable. There are so many things I want to do but I can't because of my dysfunctional body, so I naturally condition myself to not want anything. And I HATE when people try to ""find"" miracle solutions to my problems, as if I had never tried/thought about it, like ""have you tried cutting X thing out of your diet? Have you tried this herbal supplement?"" etc I know it doesn't come from a bad place, but it's so infuriating when you have tried everything under the sun. 

​

​

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suicidewatch,acc_made_for_this,2019/02/28,I exist. And that fucking horrifies me.,1.178571428571427,1.7850275714285748,4.317857142857143,70.33964285714289,130.42857142857142,7.114285714285713,32.07142857142857,7.1686216300943375,4.311628571428573,31,2,4,1,2,11,7,7,0.456,0.544,0.0,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jiisz,2019/02/28,I could make it look like an accident. I love hiking around the many cliffs that surround the area I live in. My friends and family just see it as normal for me to dissappear into the hills for the afternoon so lately I’ve had the thought that I could jump off of one of the cliffs and it would simply look like an accident. In this way no one would know that I had committed suicide. And it is somehow comforting to me. ,4.050039215686272,5.076688376470589,4.92794117647059,84.964068627451,71.11764705882352,8.960784313725489,27.10784313725491,9.2995712137729,2.0727254901960777,332,11,70,7,6,108,54,85,0.13,0.6970000000000001,0.173,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,0,7,1,0,1,1,16,14,5,1,5,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,3,8,5,12,7,0,11,0,0,3,1,2,7,0,1,4,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355796339217807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34719882831622106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204972769570594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798515444334827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949332656841433,0.0,0.2452694532068148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244971448425767,0.0,0.19199384580054588,0.0,0.3651713034259808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623821803440752,0.0,0.1451355876798194,0.22043894268111586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303431683086324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946711199131228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326281229235568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378321043686497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261438867808204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258506943771615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089107355167536,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoseyWren,2019/02/28,"I binged again. I am so tired. Hi everyone. I just wanted to make a post, I am not sure why, I guess just to tell my feelings as I am lying In the dark in silent tears after sneaking downstairs into the kitchen and gorging on bread, jam, anything I could lay my hands on only to immediately be greeted once more with those feelings of utter shame and disgust of what I have just done. I never recovered from anorexia, but now I am in a cycle of binging also, I am a paradox, a disappointment. I have broken every rule that I had followed so closely and destroyed everything, my relationships with my friends and family to be now left with none and totally alone. It has been 7 years since this began hideous battle with food, my body, my ugliness destroyed everything in its path to leave me as a shell of a human. I am tired. I am so tired. Just leave me in this blanket and please let me sleep. Sleep will take the pain away. ",4.915695970695972,5.6708697087912086,5.626098901098904,81.73973443223444,68.94505494505495,8.264468864468865,30.551282051282055,8.344100000000001,2.1681194139194133,725,28,142,10,12,236,111,182,0.278,0.669,0.054000000000000006,-0.9929,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,4,1,9,0,18,11,4,1,3,27,26,13,0,2,6,0,3,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,7,12,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,3,24,2,26,17,3,20,0,1,0,0,5,11,0,1,7,107,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578206533732352,0.0,0.11256352544761436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583122703277553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224607390508464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563495781286692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238321407456434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440435410725292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859405759848915,0.13449958854878966,0.2530070882550135,0.0,0.1326934123241233,0.0,0.14234219416089425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702042306774484,0.0,0.10874870554552243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505998477710034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298083217222117,0.15293316869888135,0.14393382916621766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395656027504404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856067196238367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990188206041472,0.0,0.1070522346961837,0.14977564275021565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450919666353485,0.0,0.0,0.1348065407661877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112061423745246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643585534170167,0.0,0.281717815106714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266204642897197,0.0,0.10583193781298576,0.0,0.12302804442696127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853392729320757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830222755089478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701152865835605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064305689202112
suicidewatch,belaggi,2019/02/28,"What to do with my life? I am not completely suicidal yet, mostly just sad, but I feel like I might be getting there. It all started when I moved to the Netherlands to study in a university. In the beginning everything was fine, I was enjoying mu fresh start (because back home I wasn’t doing a lot of productive things) and I was hoping for the best. But the thing is, I come from a very different culture and a 10x bigger town, so now a year later I am so bored and unmotivated. I have already stopped going to uni, but I don’t know what my next chapter should be. I don’t really enjoy studying anything, I have practically wasted my life up until this point with smoking and browsing the internet. I also don’t like the way I look(although often people have told me that I am handsome), I weigh no more than 70kgs, so no matter how much I workout I am still pretty skinny, I havent had any real relationship with a girl for almost 3 years now and I have no idea what to do with my life. I decided that I am going to start going to the gym seriously from tomorrow, but considering my history of complete lack of motivation, I fear I won’t be able to achieve my goal. Oh, and I am pretty sure I am at least somewhat on the autism spectrum, because I was always a bit quiet and shy and I never seem to have a nice conversation goer. So to sum up: I have no gf, I am not an extrovert, I have no clear future, no car, no substantial amount of money, skinny, girly body and I am really starting to question my will to live. Sorry for the long post",5.922239819004524,5.277262807692313,7.22533936651584,75.94907239819005,66.75641025641025,10.289894419306185,32.13499245852187,9.773937934552695,2.8712399698340882,1204,43,242,23,17,414,173,312,0.14400000000000002,0.682,0.173,0.9294,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,15,14,0,1,18,0,37,7,3,2,4,45,52,21,1,3,7,0,1,2,1,4,3,1,1,1,9,14,3,1,7,2,1,6,16,4,0,0,7,2,41,10,33,38,11,38,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,9,23,185,50,3,0.11866384008857173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882469489251735,0.0,0.13094849830104874,0.09489543004676622,0.09873782091572501,0.0,0.0,0.08069548041669218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765022957845534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124516834639522,0.0,0.1446727510400995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245303791958078,0.0,0.12955017971158994,0.13180877549055994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022183910218325,0.24883355731766466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397845658164272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066474079830292,0.0,0.0,0.13352981061095062,0.060000002998238676,0.08477347106943202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199695877689464,0.0,0.2023181847948098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190295068669651,0.11785996808857215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395703164773942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521454318516179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25144733868368296,0.11594631665038235,0.0,0.10478234482054008,0.10501376434510593,0.09964773942258937,0.0,0.0,0.10088375338422524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258835820428208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261208825840535,0.08723157610153474,0.0,0.09152086887000258,0.0,0.1262003401461107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226656554654785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217568442642624,0.0,0.11364715708977842,0.24144757158130664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293065839479,0.0,0.0,0.13506542884153724,0.1520381890440443,0.0,0.0,0.12740055555268184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080271033144852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283445382747688,0.3359635070964966,0.0,0.09476509597906448,0.09920828372907484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297989811362989,0.0,0.11183926495461564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766996516733625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133883844317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979100955557498,0.0,0.0941898329151976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283124494043893
suicidewatch,isuck_atusernames,2019/02/28,I’m checking my self in I’m going to check myself in instead of killing myself does anyone know what to expect I’m freaking out here ?,3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857141,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,71.85714285714286,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.9829428571428572,108,4,20,0,2,36,21,28,0.238,0.762,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341508733310802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274122655561466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775755567208494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.540355049770217,0.0,0.26841823164748274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095197972039837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Memus_kadevus,2019/02/28,Why are the pills not working?! This shuts fucking hurt my stomach. I feel like I have to puke but it's just so fucking disgusting. I just want to die but the fucking pills dont seem to work,0.1147500000000008,2.403230975000003,1.3949999999999996,99.31,89.25,4.2,23.0,5.6839178017228535,0.11234999999999973,149,6,34,1,5,47,30,40,0.324,0.601,0.075,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,4,0,2,0,3,6,1,0,0,8,9,3,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,20,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25624304550070703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893647646751269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483997373524885,0.17638528954847624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6847647494907091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643113770115666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062278668350646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476833444277056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562791806148906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278869586428132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35949203699607385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ethan30000,2019/02/28,":)) Hey everybody,
Not really sure why I’m posting but I guess I’ll just ramble. I fucked up pretty bad today. I have a pretty bad sleep schedule, and I pulled an all-nighter last night for no reason. I also usually have to pick my little brother up from school, and today I fell asleep and forgot. I feel terrible. Parents were pissed, rightfully so. Anyways they took my laptop and stuff and I can’t go see friends. I doubt that’s what sent me over the edge, though. I’m a high school senior taking three pretty easy classes. I’ve never really been diagnosed so I wouldn’t call myself depressed, even though I guess I feel like it. I’m between jobs so things could be better, but things have definitely been worse. I just hate myself though. I’m gonna do it this weekend. Probably tonight. There’s a parking garage near my house, and I think I am gonna take off my seatbelt and floor it into the concrete wall. Anything over ~70 should be effective without a seatbelt, right? Some other interesting facts about my shitty life; I got accepted into George Mason University, but I can only afford one year since I got the bare minimum for financial aid, and I’ve been too lazy to apply for scholarships. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I have no motivation to study or do well in school. I currently have mostly A’s, but I have like 20 unexcused absences because I keep oversleeping. I don’t talk to people about my life so maybe I’ll make some friends from this but yeah. Lay it on me, reddit. Let’s talk before I do this thing.",2.0005671850079736,4.487481279605261,3.2961483253588533,87.83864433811806,81.59868421052632,6.316427432216908,22.041068580542262,7.576466943178032,1.0421416666666663,1215,39,238,20,33,394,178,304,0.16899999999999998,0.6579999999999999,0.173,-0.3589,4,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,3,17,17,3,1,9,1,25,8,3,5,3,46,51,22,0,4,10,2,2,2,2,4,4,0,0,0,15,11,0,2,8,1,1,5,9,8,1,2,9,3,38,9,25,34,3,34,0,1,1,1,10,16,2,7,14,150,53,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863510842934245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091787336089627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642042281118028,0.059941545442193635,0.0,0.08367227179433029,0.0,0.0,0.08696560536608211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040674492247753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850914574014582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469217739587401,0.09980369620837333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494656865919628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943801802051372,0.07024754602188217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519402704937939,0.09090524381246842,0.0,0.0,0.0558836619449683,0.0,0.15728825329035725,0.0,0.21664493302804405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708131145642794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389189315711722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134605456644654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757815027367356,0.08740093661882406,0.0,0.0,0.05404003830329854,0.08015272929399905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054990920130116,0.2083618645483424,0.09607892790298166,0.09855329803268853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656365752182713,0.0,0.0987865091719384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583877794319065,0.0,0.0,0.18455359687706266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663149760862977,0.07478500739438443,0.0,0.0,0.10918472117101548,0.0,0.0,0.06817019848768624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417372908302424,0.3001133346770339,0.106017237826469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598646188744156,0.10110044347975868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679479386837191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985480698238908,0.07835691985238513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134025718765359,0.0,0.09840181732626874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256524513622476,0.0,0.0,0.09267561906859026,0.0,0.1478650543702909,0.15806915109402045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959798506768025,0.06300640877653699,0.28982854701875554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641220933740976,0.0,0.10924914129860776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829748852980643,0.0,0.05799805585988967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884112018468696,0.0,0.08872825622785285,0.0,0.0,0.09478738610883752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002074899071234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332181387112196
suicidewatch,jayekeeyu,2019/02/28,"It’s over as soon as I’m truly alone For years I’ve been contemplating suicide. I’ve thought about it so many times in the last 4 years that I’ve lost track. But, I’ve finally realized that the best time is once my mom passes away. She suffers from major depression along with a heart condition. I can’t leave her alone in this world. It wouldn’t be fair for me to do that to her. As soon as she passes away, it’s over for me. I won’t have anything else to live for. 

I wish it wasn’t this way. I wish I had some sort of ties to life, something to keep me here and never think about suicide again. But in reality, she’s all I’ve got. There’s nothing else waiting for me here. The world doesn’t welcome me and I’m done trying to make it. I have nothing going for me anymore. It’s just a waiting game. 

I’m so tired of existing. I wish that this was not my reality. I have nothing, I pretty much am nothing at this point. So tired of it all. ",0.3175697865353051,2.2537698866995086,2.30512315270936,95.75338259441708,84.1231527093596,5.443021346469623,20.504105090311988,6.655083550727371,0.10658686371100234,729,22,174,8,21,243,104,203,0.16,0.742,0.098,-0.9171,0,2,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,0,5,0,16,4,1,1,3,24,31,11,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,16,4,0,3,3,1,0,3,7,3,0,0,8,0,22,2,32,20,6,25,0,3,0,0,8,11,0,2,10,112,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419982852209108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586252735526248,0.0,0.0,0.09613994098692852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952853417309046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260435391343168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062425764180542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955616713222472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519052233772333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797996435924802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639635643364622,0.0,0.09343846273510444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844239249283102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384258186395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952308599349598,0.0,0.12370456416221495,0.0,0.0,0.08251945884382939,0.0,0.0,0.1031617487332698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753216148057306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798396331950765,0.11844581122418603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368281840213464,0.0,0.0,0.0858824256205192,0.0,0.09010537886309038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484005727179717,0.0,0.0,0.1244185912926564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110440740666772,0.0,0.0,0.11885663445683015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994032437007858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555829400601931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485901655569001,0.0,0.09274881764207382,0.13624733229389802,0.2685544606788147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931891561150135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273306388655594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030411953682253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046750973306866
suicidewatch,chakamaki,2019/02/28,"To all those who think suicidical I won’t say how could I help because I know I can’t as We hardly know each other and the we don’t know situations we are in... neither I can feel what you feel inside because “You is you” that nobody else in the whole world can be.. nor I can push you for what you wanted because that is not what I want you to do...

Let’s think this way..  what if you have everything? Will you still be happy ? You think ? How long will it last ? Let’s say when you were a child you loved a toy... do you love it today? If yes how many days you will keep loving the same way you love today ? 

Family, friends, spouse, Gfs/Bfs, pets all are living being and they have their own life and nature... the way you can’t love everything and everyone for eternity same way nobody can love you for that long too...

Now, in my tradition (I am an Indian) they say “Everyone loves rising sun”... meaning all loves those who gives them something... another meaning is everyone one loves to who is bright from within ... 

Go in front of mirror... strip naked and see your self... are you your body ? No... you have a body... but how beautiful it is... totally functioning... everything is perfect... don’t see skin... think inside of the body... all organs works perfectly... you are alive... and capable to be live... isn’t it a beautiful thing ? 

You are with you.. fall in love with yourself... if you do suicide then what ? As you said nobody loves you then also everyone will forget you... but who is in loss ? You... you will loose this beautiful body and beautiful life...

Treat yourself as your best friend, a intense lover and a guide... make a great body, super bright career/ lots and lots of money,  and first start respecting your own self and your body... became A self confident “Alpha” ....  we anyways going to be die one day.. why to not be happy now? 

Choose your self over others and believe me you will become a people magnet... people will draw to you... they will try to be with you...because you know what all is dying inside... they show happiness, they show family fun photos, they show party with friends in Facebook or other social media sites... but that is just a 1 second of their life... but what they go through after that pic is nobody showing .... 

Take any one thing which you love the most... example helping people.. or adopting stray animals or wounded animals... help orphan children... help homeless people... visit to old age homes ... visit hospitals and spend time with those who have no one in life... you know what people will love you from deepest heart... because all the Facebook culture is showoff what real love is when you give without expecting... that the essence Of life my friend....

They way you feeling inside... if you see Reddit post mostly feels the same worthless, finding for love and feels alone.. what if everyone like you meet with each other in an open space like garden or park or restaurants... 

My friend, God loves you and hence he gives you this body and life... (1) you are healthy (2) able to earn for your self... (3) have food for eating, (4) shelter to living... believe me there are millions of people don’t have either of these or all of these basic things but still want to live...

Don’t be an enemy of yourself... there are two people who loves you... you yourself and God...

Be blessed my friend, I pray you overcome this phase, I pray you live long and meaningful life... I pray you be healthy and successful in your life... and I pray you love yourself ....

I don’t know you... but I love you... 🙏

I will pray to god for you 🙏

Your unknown friend......

Let me know if you want to chat... we can... if I can be any helpful to you.. I feel worth of my life🙏",1.97594017094017,4.415176257834761,2.7515680911680924,92.00639487179492,81.2934472934473,5.738301994301995,20.756011396011395,7.03164865440522,0.4963025413105413,2791,80,566,35,75,874,267,702,0.04,0.672,0.28800000000000003,0.9997,0,1,1,0,0,1,239.0,5,60,11,9,17,46,0,0,22,1,71,40,9,5,10,111,127,52,4,13,24,1,8,2,8,11,9,4,3,7,43,34,2,1,22,7,3,9,16,2,0,8,2,17,101,44,58,99,23,54,6,2,5,20,136,16,0,17,25,388,144,4,0.03711766455431113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038442706376334436,0.0,0.029682982933839776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048256943176792,0.038921107633986735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313291899300645,0.04099354431343757,0.0,0.08363779468322048,0.03895269897182708,0.0,0.0,0.2886055041893933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02963543485476408,0.0,0.0,0.04787564593951245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704455136779216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037980637274174785,0.031007045900439564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733759562106918,0.10007689062176432,0.0,0.06998246150850976,0.0,0.1126068387581586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033924872959449806,0.031572266508329325,0.04488282731351767,0.0,0.20073910892219,0.0,0.0,0.10681993811620984,0.06328447242939103,0.0,0.0,0.040922356207995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853733235469616,0.033250136788342426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398461121144566,0.12439594071982782,0.0,0.03723204393735596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03299188570954019,0.0,0.0,0.14279228409782585,0.030255850640458614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386598041649013,0.2359557375701529,0.03626763203116085,0.0,0.16387788914297646,0.09854389531733644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311222212765985,0.6365026871822391,0.0,0.024776329313391517,0.03763148601025432,0.0,0.08086403623174987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038948745086510785,0.0,0.1006075604588408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012900536498527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03554846237287542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224802835372915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03530739885080643,0.08855236994266823,0.0,0.0,0.08873391902866795,0.0,0.19360909595996395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172181012822697,0.0,0.03783678467540201,0.0,0.028574991578927462,0.0,0.0,0.02627207401511243,0.0,0.05928442971982961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120140116336075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027907864394492686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739779810724506,0.09513400280318624,0.0,0.0,0.021643608693970213,0.0,0.07036641188577518,0.0,0.0,0.025200457764885973,0.0,0.03625856486195938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757184095864222,0.14731137219069404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03349291897686193,0.04144054692666877,0.0,0.035780104083407475,0.0,0.02702210186478976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hitherebyenowokhaha,2019/02/28,"might just end it tomorrow cant stand myself anymore, gonna come straight home after school and blow brains out with my dads gun. always thought suicide was dumb but its all i think about now",7.55108108108108,7.2316918108108155,5.657432432432432,87.45209459459461,63.32432432432432,8.481081081081081,32.013513513513516,7.1686216300943375,1.7541459459459463,155,5,31,1,2,44,37,37,0.173,0.7879999999999999,0.038,-0.631,0,0,0,1,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,10,7,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,4,3,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652344710031859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161250004338515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35584240625582153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27458415243550016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28232740236816745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197430123009897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381547717121661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32260288662186704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34867251250990355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424901114562427,0.0,0.2530604215756224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rNbees,2019/02/28,"I want to go That's all really. Nothing else to say. I can't really say much. I'm such a burden and I can't do anything right. Nothing's working. The therapy, the meds. Nothing.",-2.3380994152046766,-1.6099074999999952,1.5829824561403534,91.23365497076023,124.0,4.846783625730994,20.01169590643275,6.42735559955562,0.9109555555555556,137,6,29,3,9,50,26,38,0.093,0.865,0.042,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956594524232329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924355033373911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091840850725772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25587707499475204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934047416017006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6631074260751715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29514792892431824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672544782587156,0.0,0.3663816698598528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634357538292397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587178981164558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677041982742173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeatSweats-PHD,2019/02/28,"Today will be 23 I don’t deserve to be alive, and honestly I shouldn’t be anyway.  Family is mostly dead or alienated, and all they do is talk shit about me anyway, and I don’t even know why.  Two different fathers, one killed himself, the other left me sleeping in my highschool gym just to stay warm.  Military and VA support are all bullshit.  All are simply made to appease the public outcry, and almost every aspect of the VA is run by someone just there to get a check.  No civilian comes around me when they learn I’m a vet, and I can’t hide the fact either because of my scars and paralysis.  I don’t see any cons to my death.  And I’d honestly rather my burial be donated to someone who needs it (and for their families and loved ones).  Just to be thorough, if this is the only note or will found.  I’d like my body cremated and thrown away (I’d serve more purpose in the landfill, trust me), and my burial services be donated to a family who can’t afford a decent one for their recently fallen.  I really did try, and I really did care.  I just hope you all can believe that.  

And sorry, I always thought suicide notes were stupid, but I kind of get it now.  I apologize for the cringe final words.",3.5376809589672646,4.801227721991708,4.908015214384509,83.72162632549565,72.60995850622406,8.011157215306595,26.251959428307977,8.515128840125781,1.7928753342554171,935,31,186,16,18,312,142,241,0.106,0.799,0.095,-0.5734,2,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,4,0,13,13,3,0,11,0,25,4,3,1,5,42,39,19,7,5,10,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,16,0,0,4,1,3,3,7,3,0,4,6,2,27,10,20,24,7,14,0,0,1,1,13,5,1,6,6,131,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393167028192685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576573090283145,0.0,0.0,0.09461188412256846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385351269916932,0.0,0.0,0.13071543697440974,0.0,0.0,0.08481120309600218,0.0,0.0,0.15674973417372087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154539963436055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185037817317606,0.0,0.0,0.11984654551424555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535926060824222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918928029684442,0.0,0.11722143125913093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39347279348396014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240804142570644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254678892347906,0.0,0.0,0.14537738791472332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818560328168006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392463759418668,0.14488051452960324,0.0764611694617839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151163096068191,0.0,0.0,0.06797096577601787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255685490973142,0.1316463794554725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316172895240044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28283041926535313,0.10581319523664663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825805670604525,0.0,0.13737222178541378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086708883718427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281300319993565,0.0,0.0,0.13922858432674512,0.0,0.2357655882841967,0.0,0.0,0.1557425259520511,0.0,0.14829205119382047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218356838674554,0.1578809278426964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182590286712007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045217673056036,0.0,0.0,0.13187717824973508,0.0,0.0,0.09445885249995582,0.0,0.1359079450901157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255414771804915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thetroll112,2019/02/28,"I think it’s time to go As of right now I’m a high school student I know that I’m going to amount to nothing I’m in classes with kids who have no understandings of the topics(because of my mental health issues) I had great grades while I was in school till a semi recent diagnosis messed up everything my mother does not believe me all and says i have to be in classes with “People like me”And it has ruined my Hopes bad dreams I was removed from all electives and AP classes And any higher classes I was in and most of my classes were higher.  I’m now in classes which are ruining my high school record and is not going to meet my requirements or the colleges that I was interested in applying to.  I’ve basically given up my mother Has no respect for me and will not listen and my father no longer talks to her and by association me.  my life feels worthless I’m never going to go to the schools I wanted to go to.  my older sister is in a psychiatric ward and my greatest fear is to end up like her I’m seriously considering ending it all.  I guess this is just a futile attempt to get any help or to at least stall some time and get some advice 

(BTW Sorry for no punctuation English is not my first language and not my strong-suit)",5.8863972680705725,5.459245235059762,7.010110984632899,76.73630478087651,66.76892430278885,9.402504268639726,31.07598178713717,8.841846274778883,2.3797487763232787,978,33,194,14,14,332,132,251,0.126,0.7709999999999999,0.103,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,3,13,0,1,7,0,18,2,0,0,4,36,41,16,0,2,8,4,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,8,13,0,1,4,1,0,7,10,7,0,1,7,3,28,6,37,32,9,33,0,3,0,0,13,14,0,7,14,134,36,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221848344687343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005906964817652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440077917177558,0.07622147274629887,0.0,0.0,0.14087402554339012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942083342385857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149156504823794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237530830928597,0.0,0.0,0.14070153152033432,0.06322252892032865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635651729945513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130653477445983,0.0,0.4263688883373472,0.0,0.0,0.1378538751667339,0.1377424934292492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290862018663835,0.0,0.0,0.08380975130600754,0.2642171817366077,0.0,0.12419008114462105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050627608641352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871713560865901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831742137488162,0.12217364985547703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600801609362472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643634149680293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997649669642943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668500099234021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234590794221266,0.0,0.0,0.10678102421903196,0.0,0.0994345428999686,0.0,0.5061769962646251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996882798439608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100500107256682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801187429182044,0.0,0.0,0.14582030985172306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016806003897885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375013776256614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,m3dicin3,2019/02/28,"I'm killing myself after my mom dies She's the only reason I'm still alive. After she's gone, I'll have nothing else to live for.

I hate my life for so many reasons. I wanna die so fucking bad, but I can't even stand the thought of my mom being heartbroken over my death. I already lost my dad last year and that was enough for her to have to deal with. The thing is, I've never felt truly loved by anyone other than my mom and dad.  She's always been there for me and I don't even know how I'd go on living without her.

So I'm 99% sure after she's gone, I'll be gone too. I don't know when that will be, and I know it may sound selfish in a way. Don't get me wrong, I really do hope she lives a long life. I just can't see myself continuing my life after hers is over. And I doubt anyone else would care if I died, or they'd probably get over it quickly, so why does it matter..",1.7918564176939815,2.3029381675126928,3.7344053662073975,93.35148477157362,75.95431472081219,6.440754169688178,20.162799129804206,6.18269132825596,-0.12794242204496076,677,12,168,4,14,231,113,197,0.208,0.711,0.081,-0.9815,0,1,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,1,1,13,12,3,1,5,0,19,5,0,3,2,27,40,14,5,4,5,5,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,4,7,8,0,0,8,3,31,4,22,25,1,23,0,1,1,2,16,5,1,5,12,106,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590177599242913,0.0,0.09493249004148857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954955217133482,0.11689926688116498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526085656703487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632293519236148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762236325728545,0.0,0.0,0.3552239830137774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984142264958858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061605526850453,0.0,0.0,0.11788605241860245,0.0,0.15071148490408634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954483460161513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547488930814493,0.11921522304434,0.0,0.06484029755135938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264081311832777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331767445433485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622430672350612,0.0,0.18810357310102305,0.09299903828947988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417566212639185,0.0,0.0,0.3022321785293383,0.1009665601838626,0.0,0.0,0.12454332951285192,0.0,0.10297118969266053,0.0,0.0,0.1156699261225802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008644739816052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879936775190286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094729745686008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677101612646024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230089261689914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308933766964992,0.23460820603550955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091540929153676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111287292831577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752900771036318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579670211106611,0.0,0.0,0.09057516491072576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055978035876844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294898964732647,0.0,0.0,0.10997923374214373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104666426245699,0.12474012305949606,0.0,0.07347058353009424
suicidewatch,brain_trash,2019/02/28,"I need to vent... I suffer from depression. Medically diagnosed. Last suicide attempt: May 26th, 2017. Self harm... not as frequent but still do. Went to therapy until I started college September 2018. Recovery been good, with some downs, but never actively suicidal since May 26th, 2017. 

Been in a relationship of about 6-1/2 months now. Boyfriend is much more stable than me. But has his downs. Always deals with them on his own. Doesn't tell me.

Well about an hour ago he confided he almost decided to kill himself this morning. I feel hollow. I was upset at him for not discussing his feelings from earlier this week so I ignored him until a few hours ago... and learning this, I feel so selfish and awful. I could have helped. But I haven't done anything but been selfish. He says I keep him from doing stuff, that I make him happy. But it's those memories of before. 

I am so selfish, and so so terribly sorry that I couldn't be there for him, that I can't be someone he can turn to. I'm sorry...

I feel so numb and empty and just unable to focus. I have school stuff to do in about 10 minutes and I just don't want to bring myself to do it. I want to die. I want my boyfriend to find someone better than me to help him and make him feel better, someone he can actually turn to, someone not selfish and pathetic and worthless like me. He deserves so much better...

I'm so sorry... forgive my ranting, and I'm sorry if you read this... I'm sorry for wasting your time....",1.4791338995491223,3.953557062283739,3.1368732305756524,88.17097410087031,83.9134948096886,5.7175631750026215,23.98248925238545,7.106945922332613,1.123315109573241,1137,44,222,16,33,375,153,289,0.255,0.635,0.11,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,0,2,62.0,0,2,1,4,17,21,1,1,3,1,26,3,0,2,1,48,47,28,4,7,12,0,5,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,12,12,0,2,9,1,0,2,9,13,1,0,6,6,40,8,36,35,6,23,0,3,0,0,29,6,0,5,16,158,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.090459679118867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434200988550354,0.0,0.0928234546191336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713199387764715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628238946477213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887899866016293,0.0,0.0,0.24595100821499166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401164888733333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556735948536033,0.0798404776645266,0.09408631378923582,0.09620567932375873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486203143536084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343539598604769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472410809313823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775051502164734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986785297766217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242667601496036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825773171406986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239406214999362,0.10255637926649568,0.0,0.0,0.0755610776546187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045287461800712775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375300007213445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338327927389913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399049804780647,0.0,0.13628709508474746,0.06873424271508166,0.07149425652590778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272288343183907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952274396743656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371700965929337,0.0,0.09381512056753083,0.0,0.0,0.09670402004767174,0.0,0.0,0.07668057649364543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141701740277573,0.0,0.0,0.51883797841288,0.06561197860189165,0.0,0.0740285812982505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122336021210514,0.2027926913006318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102196135253932,0.0,0.10600801081048436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054052831522917455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165717096080785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402668909394735,0.0,0.07435658218376599,0.0,0.08334645304198816,0.08593178753003028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nj0hrd,2019/02/28,"I can‘t stop lying to psychiatrists I‘ve been trying to get a therapy place for a while now simply to get medication against my insomania, anxiety and depression but everytime I come into the situation where I talk to someone face to face about my problems I just cannot stop lying. I am extremly embarassed about my problems and I feel like I‘m wasting their time or that they would judge me. I know this is irrational since it is literally their job but I can‘t help it.

I only ever get diagnosed with “mild depression“ when I have been contemplating suicide since I was like 7, actively planning it for about a year now.    Teenagehood had their ups and down but especially the last 2 years took everything from me. Got pretty close to someone and really trusted for the first time but eventually was left. Developed an extremly bad BPD and life has been hell since. I have to drink almost every day just function for a few hours. I cut myself everyday. I messed up college. I have no future. No close friends. No close family. Nothing to life for.

Finally took an OD last saturday but survived it as I called an ambulance a day later, because I didn‘t want my flatmate to deal with finding a dead body. Hoped to die in the hospital but didnt happen. Doctors obviously were extremly suspicious but I still somehow managed to talk my way out of it by making myself look like an idiot who made a stupid mistake. They only let me go after talking to a Psychiatrist, and I could tell he really tried and tried again to get something out of me but I just can not admit how bad I am doing to those people. I know I don‘t get the medication I need in my situation. I don‘t know how to let these people know that I compulsively lie so much. I feel like I immediately switch to a different person just so I seem as normal and neurotypical as possible in their eyes, I guess I want to show them how well I‘m doing? The most I can admit is my struggle to sleep and concentrate but that‘s about it. 
I really really want to die but at the moment I cannot afford a way that would not inconvience other people. So I‘m just trying to serve my role for society. But I can‘t do that because I just cannot talk to people about my problems and get the help I need. I don‘t know how to bring it up, I don‘t want to see people’s reaction. I don‘t want to be asked questions about it. The thought alone makes my skin crawl, my heart flare up, my chest and neck tighten. I am an extremly closed off person and even admitting to a friend that I am sad/down gives me anxiety for days, just to put it into perspective. During my childhood personal information was often taken from me to be used against me, I guess that‘s where it stems from.
I just don‘t know what to do. I can‘t keep going like this. ",4.193679653679657,5.87126787012987,5.352662337662338,79.54423160173161,71.59740259740259,8.918119975262831,27.49010513296228,9.424239791934726,2.4666888064316628,2198,79,418,51,42,728,250,539,0.193,0.705,0.102,-0.9956,3,1,2,0,0,3,43.0,0,0,7,3,33,24,4,1,25,0,47,16,9,8,2,96,97,36,5,16,22,0,3,5,2,2,6,0,0,3,24,23,1,3,16,2,0,7,20,14,1,1,16,6,74,10,69,74,3,59,1,2,3,0,31,22,1,10,33,300,98,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833280337748074,0.07067637082819983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440728576985793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379546894052368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395560056573367,0.08319730725876981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579958986783072,0.08594626925973653,0.0,0.06968097624563496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878297622876686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448432696038453,0.0,0.0,0.13202804478446892,0.0703527531033309,0.1175505411687114,0.06926246827433383,0.1416453157448479,0.07129658952038606,0.0,0.06984683886232983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684951486011202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045072074704453916,0.06172725837818671,0.057495396113761726,0.0,0.06132998167606669,0.0,0.0643308818144306,0.0,0.06900869236374672,0.09750176822173072,0.0,0.07475391332940261,0.062370398122065476,0.058045164504939975,0.0,0.0,0.1054445733422364,0.0,0.21391644209658794,0.06546231409273005,0.0775650704245606,0.0,0.05457800195447448,0.0,0.15034876833941507,0.0,0.06034467211581102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086508432268044,0.09148006958479522,0.0,0.0,0.0677780156116329,0.0672029497531308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771796831540064,0.060655114286243025,0.0,0.0,0.22501850617103547,0.1112499051785842,0.0,0.0,0.0741432858553863,0.1395606607895946,0.09640028429895514,0.1666938186792816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730466542441781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457062204779543,0.09110186058039063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748984645207082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050164472489878736,0.1011986358840294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686100542610975,0.06547840851033876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379964668312153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365461595806245,0.17875439399808032,0.07129658952038606,0.0,0.0,0.07693068520238633,0.0,0.06942491815257586,0.0,0.1958902537646072,0.0,0.06860034981657963,0.07644475377064278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748659348498635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437868417237051,0.06212340639211995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934724454864464,0.1534099132032795,0.06828958254680023,0.0,0.11563956985329896,0.05253471702731701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449679190376179,0.11410389316140535,0.0,0.07133957834562192,0.0,0.07464381258968902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193958736747054,0.05964503020360212,0.0,0.07803873050052933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417517585766651,0.07958293566226002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163496885715924,0.1853227377485484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058937709271900125,0.0,0.0,0.20124948556923408,0.108331947977209,0.0,0.0,0.061356225226664264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969519027301472,0.0,0.0,0.08788903198865483
suicidewatch,LavendarFlower,2019/02/28,"If I had a gun I would put it to my head And then pull the trigger.
That is all.",-2.535499999999999,-1.4139715499999994,0.6999999999999993,107.855,89.5,4.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.661,59,1,19,0,2,21,19,20,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,1,5,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6403711087344274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272601085959442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432489134362821,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Goddard_,2019/02/28,"I am about to turn 20 and have done nothing with my life. No job, not in school. All I've done is throw my life away smoking pot in my room. I've tried to quit multiple times and failed. I am so unmotivated with bud but it was the only way I chose to cope for years. I've fucked myself over. I'm tired of living in limbo. I've made too many mistakes ",-0.636637806637804,1.3586018441558458,1.5388744588744598,99.26799422799424,89.0,4.461183261183262,15.049062049062044,5.82211442006289,-0.9874981240981242,270,5,68,2,9,90,56,77,0.23,0.77,0.0,-0.9571,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,1,9,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,13,7,1,10,0,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,2,37,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214229648264554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621343635282578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087442929652492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406718395425573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31897206565106234,0.0,0.0,0.1993815552759623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136531530455515,0.0,0.2289211878218683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665686330671155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172764560365816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401612983440293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285170914895752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316631665734715,0.2595187009910151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153300316751258,0.24560065534856185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792259508028666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540489317725688
suicidewatch,UnlovedToe,2019/02/28,"I could be doing fine I dont know why its happened. since around august last year i began staying up in my room all day alone and my parents tried to stop me and they just wanted to see me more often, but instead i chose to lie in bed alone in my spare time with no motivation to go outside. And i'm still doing the exact same now, and im completely disconnected from my parents at this point. they want me to do well for my exams which im taking in just over 2 months and i've barely done any revision. i'm currently taking the last set of mock exams which so far have not been easy at all because i made myself an excuse not to revise, i'm also seriously behind on coursework which i procrastinate and never get done. not to mention i have lost an entire friend group. i know a lot of people and im not really close with any of my friends, nor my family, and whenever i try to tell somebody about how im feeling its never in real life and they will ignore it because they think im joking or maybe they cant handle it. but in the past year ive turned really depressed to the point where im thinking of killing myself before exams if it all becomes too much because i cant take the pressure of it anymore. i can't motivate myself to revise and it feels as if literally nobody is here for me. idk if people will even respond to this i just needed to let it out. i feel stupid for not being able to focus, for not doing well in coursework and previous mocks and i feel like a coward for not killing myself yet. my parents can clearly tell that i am depressed and they are not doing anything about it, neither have my ""friends"" and i dont see what is going to come out of all this torture im suddenly being faced with.",4.986527554842162,4.850165314606746,6.202327447833067,80.78900749063672,68.6067415730337,8.466345639379346,28.75013376136972,7.957251820313856,1.7881178705189935,1356,42,274,15,21,458,183,356,0.17600000000000002,0.736,0.08800000000000001,-0.9909,4,2,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,6,3,20,20,6,1,9,0,29,2,1,4,8,69,57,25,2,7,17,3,4,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,17,22,0,2,10,1,0,3,18,12,2,0,6,6,40,8,48,44,9,44,0,3,2,0,18,21,0,6,19,200,57,6,0.07744155870571358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041219933400327,0.0,0.06192998651809462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053258310081754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680121706849101,0.0,0.0,0.06372780436636702,0.06893940581196979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416229662013267,0.08552811731619638,0.06589706261824957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670904568074228,0.08119600091562912,0.0,0.0,0.061830783149528785,0.0,0.0,0.04994339878487972,0.0,0.13340060207400709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849920338168302,0.18152186009692486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051149419156388966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300500942552067,0.0,0.15662711576038355,0.05532426501291687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949346846182618,0.0,0.04046001814127183,0.0,0.08802364490775548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848131460878737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.585551207082553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135522157276992,0.0,0.08511971078587043,0.12625041266462098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918924060272058,0.05469926313282253,0.03783403385938712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453660938234718,0.06583804387525148,0.0,0.07327707530590087,0.0,0.0,0.07780045457284471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181311332333419,0.0,0.056928456188647475,0.05742193452185927,0.1194554083890094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579690590563144,0.0,0.07392673047962096,0.10737645200989893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641460860155192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814544792193724,0.099222091022644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342179179209685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406045762035276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254239765303607,0.06184492881772235,0.06474461068143167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746792432774042,0.0,0.13537467136732673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992428477310646,0.0,0.0,0.04515679564981979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515546992751748,0.08423417796842989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135407553246001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925852326750487,0.0,0.06987896146798664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973964957048567
suicidewatch,bluebluewoodward,2019/02/28,"I'm a fraud to everyone I know I'm probably not going to kill myself, I just don't know what to do.
I'm scared that everyone hates me so I put on this bs personality that makes me disgusted. No one I know actually knows me for who I am, I hate it and myself
Idk give me advice I guess",-0.5943526785714255,1.2669477343750015,3.2788392857142874,87.83937500000002,87.28125,7.4071428571428575,18.517857142857142,8.418075326091056,0.9246232142857136,221,6,54,6,7,83,42,64,0.298,0.647,0.055,-0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,16,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,13,0,5,16,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,34,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.2043066092654688,0.0,0.0,0.204585620746894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001077431115936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083861428873,0.11898495704879558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306352800981933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134022457318183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316274644192392,0.0,0.4602383890136025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975041740941666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186876101403334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280637384608386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257270917864421,0.0,0.0,0.2104661191379127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096073705713131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confessthrowaway1211,2019/02/28,"A failed attempt Just trying to vent and clear my head.

A couple weeks ago I tried to kill myself and would have been successful if not for external factors. I had pulled my car into the garage and left it running, I turned the radio up and layed back in my driver's seat.. it felt euphoric, I wasn't scared or anything. It almost felt like dejavu I can remember everything so vividly before I started to lose consciousness.



Around the time I started to get light headed and fading out.. a friend showed up at my house unexpectedly, she was in a panic quickly opened up the garage door.. came into my car to turn it off. Never said a word to me.. she was probably in shock, within 5 or so minutes I stopped crying and when I got out of my car and tried to light a cigarette that's when the horrible headache started. It's the most painful headache I've ever had in my life.



 I ended up being diagnosed as bi-polar and have been taking meds for it.. I don't feel normal, maybe it's because crazy was my normal for so many years, but I feel disappointed.. like I already made the decision to kill myself and it was taken away from me. Now I'm just depressed but don't have the motivation to try again",5.669814704124327,5.641027472803353,6.274551703526603,80.48323221757325,67.15899581589959,9.00430364614465,30.042139868499703,8.634040054169528,2.155619007770472,942,31,187,13,14,308,137,239,0.14300000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.063,-0.9591,1,0,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,5,13,14,2,2,14,0,17,5,2,2,3,43,34,20,2,4,8,0,4,2,1,1,3,1,1,0,9,16,0,1,8,2,0,6,5,10,0,0,16,8,27,4,32,16,1,43,0,4,1,0,4,19,0,5,20,128,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537961796681093,0.0,0.1190407759152852,0.0,0.13118662628840355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782780513629638,0.10582807339812812,0.0,0.0,0.111691324346984,0.09141109639120737,0.0,0.07246791819322751,0.0,0.10115780803951056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596662522302178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315380479182965,0.13058368985886573,0.0,0.0,0.10239084991642984,0.1206603206316237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052920655956824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753343005512064,0.0,0.0,0.106841344782222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021822430582225,0.0,0.2282861725409056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918461061620416,0.0,0.06210969936733441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507889885149512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440095914328376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371711303189671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630453911253033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916306431008556,0.0,0.08396819736788019,0.11615716338313135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299589617112828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248677896969334,0.0,0.12052528450402998,0.1194305654359612,0.0,0.13204846787978547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168729827230757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329535909841852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649630646652527,0.13947963011423856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281723462617372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346674450042407,0.0,0.11308174995882783,0.0,0.11901924694664524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243083897772656,0.0,0.0,0.0993886925862961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938268595424483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931966744081887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32284585742024985,0.2586137975423689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535806735358927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444867733367006,0.0,0.0,0.07655458319613374
suicidewatch,IClippedYouLUL,2019/02/28,What have I really got to live for besides family? Just hit me today. ,0.23714285714285666,2.651867,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,93.28571428571428,8.514285714285714,14.142857142857142,8.841846274778883,1.6504000000000008,54,1,10,2,2,20,14,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956850460959243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205367414776916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642981528968448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368461092554849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984045626197924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mharding02,2019/02/28,"Parents hate me, cut off contact with friends, 0 to live for My dad ran off with someone else a few months ago and haven't seen him since, my mum's been more vocal about her hatred for me recently, dropped out of 6th form (UK version of college) and don't have the guts to tell my friends why so I suppose I'm just cutting off contact with them, every day I have a sickly sinking feeling in my stomach, just at my wit's end with this now. There's no way back from this.",20.78030303030303,5.3984965757575765,17.541262626262625,57.46522727272732,57.989898989899,20.204040404040406,64.65151515151516,7.1686216300943375,6.820490909090908,367,15,83,1,2,116,73,99,0.135,0.789,0.076,-0.7184,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,3,0,5,3,2,0,0,10,10,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,2,12,2,18,7,4,16,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,7,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23012146771694186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961787747023926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742178325522014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686412021205287,0.0,0.22993027628414944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872584181744076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126254752742278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011356496044943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563031828821254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923328049574765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721180201862271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882572468212753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563256098274804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474541805096228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199598922105304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269035492110814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060599466969039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23425038394733905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hydromorphman,2019/02/28,"I wrote my letters, tied the rope and was about to proceed with my plan but then my roommates came home early. I have been planning for a while now to die by suicide. I arrived home from work today and wrote my letter and tied the rope carefully. After reinforcing my anchor point and slipping the noose over my head I heard the familiar laughter coming from the front of our shared house. At that point I knew I likely wouldn't succeed and postponed it. This is the closest I have ever gotten to actually carrying out my plan. Two reasons are why I am here writing this post: I didn't want to be interrupted and I didn't want to inconvenience my housemates.

I don't know where to go from here. Therapy, meds, my psychiatrist, friends I have let know my condition and exercise have not stopped these incessant thoughts of ending my life. Every day I think about killing myself. I want my pain to end and I can't think of any other way to stop it.

I know my death will hurt my family and friends. I just don't believe there is a cure for my brain nor would I deserve such a treatment. 

My family and friends will never hate me more than I hate myself even if I do take my own life.

I just don't know what else to do. I can't keep fighting this daily/hourly battle. One day I will give in.",3.5496511627906955,5.0375803604651175,4.351077519379847,86.84382558139534,72.91472868217053,7.330542635658915,26.853488372093025,7.908726449838941,1.4926939534883723,1015,36,209,14,20,326,146,258,0.17,0.6940000000000001,0.136,-0.9141,0,0,0,0,2,2,23.0,1,0,0,5,12,14,5,0,9,0,26,6,2,1,2,41,50,15,4,6,5,0,0,1,3,5,4,1,2,0,9,14,0,3,9,1,0,4,11,7,0,2,11,1,44,7,27,32,2,29,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,1,16,146,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.11433168312803338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967311281990673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199968874030932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078979178583372,0.0,0.13400032476412368,0.11945287094268972,0.0,0.0,0.10092333992062298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111757516305574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159403339368093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787250902816146,0.0,0.20753873918344334,0.0,0.0,0.0773833617852653,0.10597832024403687,0.09871271885380288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208968605973356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715535823702243,0.0,0.0,0.11239096420466796,0.06658497468688995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313433458337767,0.12024040621707315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350429362472172,0.0,0.11537942745887478,0.1351874107403474,0.12542266792011544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413757706332384,0.12962066161707006,0.0,0.2575532423803648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980448177377435,0.1655077589621433,0.057238670120288826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301388304039496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036134952295638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939094231135391,0.0,0.12466696235324702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150895972875764,0.0,0.1122073097739758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204604393420428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959027380814967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281544990448078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809006567981281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339831670759218,0.0,0.0,0.15014335093605274,0.0,0.09301229776227517,0.0,0.0,0.11105439235783872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444872008107004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731277873965245,0.09299649925361107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571906867451472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529419143034335,0.0,0.0,0.08322741091831141,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cowsgomoo2826,2019/02/28,"I hope this is goodbye Sorry for formatting on mobile and like 3rd Reddit post ever even though I’ve been on for more than a year.

Im done, with life, family, everything. 
Today my parents decided hey let’s clean out this kids room as a method to prevent him from hiding cutting utensils. So that’s what they fucking did.

So now I have what is absolutely necessary in my room. Nothing more, nothing less. So this means I’ve got a dresser, a bed, blankets, and some clothes. That’s it

So yeah I have nothing else to say besides hopefully goodbye. I wish you all a happy life. 

 For anyone who wanted to see the room if anyone even cares https://imgur.com/gallery/XPweg5c
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suicidewatch,Harelievre,2019/02/28,Looking for someone to kill me Just DM me if you live in France,2.3914285714285732,3.0852867142857145,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,74.71428571428571,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.5158000000000005,50,2,12,0,1,16,13,14,0.266,0.7340000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5976505606895127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770059366144632,0.0,0.4536314143016636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577091693430909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amorae,2019/02/28,"""I wish I was never born."" ""Well, you're here, so."" Thanks for the support, mom",-2.2783333333333324,-0.7689404999999994,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,110.25,2.1333333333333333,11.583333333333332,3.1291,-2.033891666666667,56,1,14,0,3,18,15,16,0.0,0.57,0.43,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691249417511112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089325559127093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545448413287229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687770444798829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601468707516303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606182531100934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babisaurusREX,2019/02/28,"I just wish I wasn't like this I read a lot of these posts today, and I can commiserate with everyone. I have been in and out of hospitals. I've never been okay. And somehow I'm expected to be okay with not being okay. People aren't supposed to want to kill themselves, but I'm at the point for the millionth time where I've tried so many things all anyone can say is ""it gets better."" 

Yeah it gets better and then it gets worse again. ALWAYS. I know if I don't kill myself probably even in a few days I'll feel okay again, but I can't stand this life of ups and downs. I've been diagnosed w mood and personality disorders, but who the fuck knows, maybe I'm just weak. I do everything the doctors say. And what do they want me to do when I feel this way? Go to a hospital. To what? Embarassingly tell someone I'm sad again? Pathetic. No one even cares anymore if I hurt myself or threaten to kill myself because this is just how I am. 

I am actually a very intelligent person with a lot of good qualities, good family and friends, but I can't even enjoy life because of this darkness. No one understands. Even other people with my same mental health issues. Maybe their meds work better, I don't know. I just feel so alone on this earth. So disconnected from other humans. I always have, and I'm almost 30, and I just can't stand it any longer. My doctor says 20s and 30s are the worst for Bipolar people. I can't go another decade like this. How is anyone expected to live this way? Honestly. Don't they understand how horrible it is? 

I used to numb the pain w drugs and alcohol. I got sober a while ago, and for a bit it helped. Now, I know the drugs and alcohol will just add more fuckery to my life, so I'm not going to pick up, but I'm left with the same emptiness as when I was using. 

I tried once before to overdose, and I just got put into the hospital to stabilize me and ended up in the psych hospital for 2 weeks. And what am I going to do? Just keep going back to the hospital my whole life? I really don't see another option. 

I know my parents will be crushed. I know they love me. It's not like I'm depressed because I think everyone hates me. I just don't think I can live with this pain. I just want the pain to stop. And don't say it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This problem is NOT temporary. It's been going on my entire life. Yes, I've had a few sunny days, but most of my life has been riddled with anxiety, panic, depression, mania, paranoia, delusions...it's honestly torture. And I'm trapped inside my own head. ",1.6792366412213724,3.683508572519088,3.630024427480919,87.70314351145039,79.68702290076338,7.169099236641222,22.69374045801527,8.174460898885233,1.268076610687023,1988,64,422,39,50,672,224,524,0.252,0.648,0.1,-0.9982,1,2,4,0,0,4,72.0,0,0,4,4,30,38,6,1,22,6,43,23,1,6,2,91,88,40,3,10,23,1,3,3,1,2,20,4,0,3,27,29,2,2,13,1,0,7,19,19,0,2,10,8,52,18,48,73,13,45,1,4,1,2,17,15,1,9,21,273,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.06584989052017147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981617149340651,0.14422932254205614,0.06757059480989466,0.06988802126973727,0.0,0.0,0.1122960727236596,0.0,0.0,0.045888117913185235,0.1415154891300952,0.05162134475139138,0.0,0.06692115829480608,0.0943659441874395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188728070601721,0.0,0.12340394203501873,0.0,0.057419763995483174,0.0,0.0,0.17903940321301734,0.07366972588281501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879946361926348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703690445121302,0.0,0.11623934032263725,0.06848988989145639,0.0,0.0,0.07733692160670713,0.13813548440115211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650872002856686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976647452403881,0.0,0.0,0.17827729854851102,0.0,0.0,0.128958388448104,0.060645885090343986,0.0,0.06361331211355856,0.0,0.10235841703242836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213420339899683,0.062383362298255286,0.10576517073530707,0.0,0.2300996455292285,0.11319657447236255,0.10793843873862727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666216641745087,0.06925304840153985,0.0717271527760426,0.0,0.0,0.04522983405896861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223779730451949,0.0,0.0,0.07043067326963076,0.0,0.05997854541314272,0.2239669567466572,0.0,0.2225085691453067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331626508476499,0.0,0.28597500298385226,0.09890067366681816,0.0,0.11917060458692975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473667538541417,0.060902543487036075,0.0,0.0,0.06841323992515555,0.13558369866024592,0.0,0.07495409408892037,0.0,0.06800308519237858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204405997135764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186306420869269,0.09145120086514427,0.0,0.21540763499258206,0.07917221219551067,0.07492758099078126,0.0,0.0,0.1403445833875432,0.11784033563508163,0.0,0.0,0.06378958285360573,0.0,0.0646263473258322,0.0,0.0727539081335348,0.12913681580051412,0.0,0.06783515694016926,0.0,0.0,0.06749738427303077,0.0,0.0432288543926748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146484295687248,0.0,0.0,0.05377212484915244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057174842332920035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641556873094501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058979728170199835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04483013122671683,0.08647579525614935,0.0,0.0,0.03934761954452938,0.0,0.06396231891695793,0.0,0.0,0.09162779077196702,0.0,0.0,0.14049629461002489,0.0,0.11656059389910425,0.0,0.05567734384321362,0.11940280602841387,0.10712357462194973,0.05412768256474942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533803152900521,0.07759766178718064,0.0,0.0,0.04912560555419219,0.0,0.06876699171250035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shinyhunter99999,2019/02/28,"Thinking about ending it tonight I just got out of a 9 month relationship with the girl I thought I loved. Now I’m stuck getting shit grades, even in math class which is one of my best subjects, straight f’s last 4 tests and quizzes, can’t remember the last time I’ve felt accomplished. I take math at a sophomore level in 8th grade. I know how to do the work but I don’t do my homework because I feel down all the time and don’t ever have the motivation. I feel like curling up in a ball in the woods near my house and just waiting until I die of the cold.",2.608436911487757,3.767748694915255,3.523333333333333,93.15434086629006,74.76271186440678,6.600376647834276,26.670433145009408,6.937597516519254,0.9051438794726928,438,16,102,4,9,140,81,118,0.081,0.7879999999999999,0.131,0.5647,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,1,0,10,0,7,2,1,2,2,20,20,6,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,8,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,4,12,3,16,16,2,21,0,0,0,1,3,11,1,0,11,60,14,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182666011480065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269456252706882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244378996242262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153718900903244,0.0,0.0,0.14283397548558607,0.1956144634520476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868941995700333,0.1544921690792258,0.20763811371133847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129839856375952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295837931435035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495285144787205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884774924380118,0.3525523582672229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565096444731636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517801703889026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261217935081974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653956155774972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232176268364802,0.2449740511900303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198200880962735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625963771999094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385670718625163,0.0,0.1716818183125836,0.2521993308715152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743576095377546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alexapro_,2019/02/28,"I am really starting to feel like I’m not meant to be here anymore My friends just admitted today that they can’t be here for more, right after my now-ex SO said the same thing.

This just confirmed I’m a burden on everyone and it really just hit me that maybe I’m not meant to be here anymore. I don’t know, maybe it was some kind of mistake I was born. All I know is nobody can love me, everybody leaves me, and I don’t know who I’m living for anymore so really I don’t know why I’m still alive. ",2.058454545454545,2.7872318909090907,4.039772727272727,90.5896590909091,75.54545454545455,7.6818181818181825,22.84090909090909,8.07648339933343,0.8939090909090903,388,10,93,6,8,133,64,110,0.053,0.816,0.131,0.8024,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,0,1,19,29,4,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,2,12,4,8,20,4,7,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,6,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206308880817361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721099378753768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848049276711324,0.12501330198303742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351972844197876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222575593462134,0.3846809752175972,0.0,0.0,0.18528975263376446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549155599257832,0.0,0.15451988399545782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793582632670924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516031065089365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363103303452699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494409952025672,0.16645610958071685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385922989261428,0.0,0.13974769950589086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625596262877705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587060430526335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790177619565038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TJHSD,2019/02/28,"Easiest way to kill my self Just really want to know the easiest way,with the least amount of money spent and something I can do at home. Like I’ve seen about people dying from abusing solvent (deodorant) but I don’t get how that would work. I’ve tried “hanging” by tying shoe laces together and tying it to my bedroom window. But every time I get close my body just panics and stops myself. My house is pretty suicide proof to. Nothing really to hang from in my room. The only place really would be the stairs but I’d get found before I could even die. I don’t want talking out of this. I just want someone to give me a solution to this. I’ve already attempted multiple times and failed in each attempt pathetically.",2.6127355623100295,4.989361241134755,4.071190476190477,83.81250000000001,78.43262411347517,7.149138804457954,23.54660587639311,8.192908349453996,1.5847584599797369,569,19,107,11,14,188,93,141,0.191,0.6970000000000001,0.112,-0.955,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,4,6,4,1,1,5,0,9,2,2,1,1,24,20,8,4,6,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,4,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,3,1,13,1,17,13,3,14,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,0,4,62,17,2,0.0,0.17966374403048435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673339846542727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290309811072535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843329936116722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210689262225792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147482448329742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001540808434646,0.0,0.12775978448437567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166260935967962,0.0,0.0,0.23767049526755926,0.14546297104880498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521031698255288,0.0,0.0,0.17496746783732392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776265495680928,0.0,0.0833351241912934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408164057937555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549873424836662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153259337804247,0.0,0.17791205510391858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512523927596283,0.0,0.15842723987104226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426822285855188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29142551830419616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818931269050704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848060471738493,0.11673672292086675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267744009475578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586506145086294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218791913442118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684022367158975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295082143603966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683163450483228,0.2407230363098247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103927400789036,0.0,0.0,0.21543558328818946,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thats-my-marmalade,2019/02/28,"I want to die right now I don’t want to come across like a whiny little bitch but I need to vent to someone or I’m literally going to try to kill myself, and this is the only outlet I could think of. My dog died yesterday, so that’s one less purpose I have for living. I also can’t stop thinking about the fact that I am most likely going to die alone and never find a partner as long as I live. My meds aren’t doing jack anymore and at this point I don’t know if they have ever worked at all. I have no reason to be alive right now, all I’m doing is annoying people and I have no desire to live or anything to motivate me. I just can’t kill myself because I’m too scared of the pain or of failing and getting injured or something. But I don’t see things ever getting better and most likely they won’t. I’m not saying I have it worse off than other people or throwing a pity party, I know well that a lot of people are suffering more than I am and I wish they could find peace for themselves. I don’t care about myself or my life anymore though. I never have much and whatever percent of caring I had is now at zero.",3.2615000000000016,3.6881668166666657,4.911666666666669,86.56500000000004,72.5,7.0,24.166666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.7305416666666673,876,22,189,6,16,298,126,240,0.247,0.607,0.146,-0.9867,1,1,1,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,3,4,13,16,4,1,7,0,26,3,0,2,7,46,46,22,5,8,11,0,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,1,8,9,0,1,8,0,0,4,13,9,1,2,1,2,30,7,28,41,9,23,0,3,1,0,5,9,1,10,13,142,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151873601012618,0.0,0.08894026374232154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059492939844533,0.0,0.0,0.0915221857251284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677969035363055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836247488257804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22678646345127956,0.0,0.0,0.09580367202421823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759558720739005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462773300362096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120444373566668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033008040440836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162126745644428,0.0,0.1264144663000824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460904556446688,0.0,0.12224400411831975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855591714237563,0.16300515174050498,0.11146873826185467,0.2946201744157213,0.09842362158878272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455278962207599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235371107955935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175735524150543,0.08246606027398842,0.17155494655987052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536357600603304,0.08458560577435498,0.11834282122390855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313117723354778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513609510431599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434968790861501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995756806174127,0.0,0.0884442909625247,0.11134770537619136,0.0,0.0886256184661989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423387631932714,0.08562034661843412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298246412855232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388769026766959,0.14252683631960705,0.1092702226218469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550910112477215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119743808468273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999751722987434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789416052857006,0.0,0.0,0.08096736342446105,0.0,0.1133397124937379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JugheadSouthSide,2019/02/28,"I'm looking for help, if someone has time. This is my first time trying things this way because I have, nothing else works anymore and I don't want to burden anyone I'm close to. For the past few years I've been suicidal or have attempted to do so, I've tried everything possible to my knowledge and recently nothing works anymore. I've tried talking to people or channelling things into more creative outlets and then gone on to self harm, pills, alcohol and cigarettes too but nothing brings me the peace it once did. I don't want to go back to that dark place because I don't want to ruin the lives of those closest to me. If there is anything that I can do to heal or just get through I'd appreciate it a lot...",5.148333333333333,5.542736611111112,5.645833333333332,83.08250000000002,68.30555555555556,8.622222222222224,33.361111111111114,8.515128840125781,2.5381861111111097,568,25,114,8,9,183,89,144,0.061,0.815,0.125,0.9058,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,4,0,13,3,0,0,0,18,23,12,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,6,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,3,1,9,0,17,20,3,17,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,6,8,72,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901110100276128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29511910264251,0.10403732346475156,0.0,0.12244136978459208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441021128969532,0.0,0.18140182449466855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429482834428975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372272419418196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265605713841102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777365561544637,0.0,0.08456070127551868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973070087452772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138416452734086,0.0,0.1249460012896053,0.0,0.0,0.1264958106775493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283036252064745,0.0,0.0,0.15845633550589994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203674885115394,0.10315214840227703,0.0,0.15545372615268385,0.0,0.0,0.16773820109264231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691202787533014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522026461666702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606915804330854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275194759479905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195916462999414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769873140407773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352111749090351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30305562633810496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328032767207865,0.11810245825026842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664156744053728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958157858776836
suicidewatch,ANomDePlumeForMe,2019/02/28,"What to do when you need to fill a prescription for actionable love and it's always out of stock? I have multiple invisible physical and mental illnesses and disorders that I have been diagnosed with by medical professionals and have had the majority of my life since I was a toddler. I'm currently 27. My entire family has various conditions as well. I wrote out a suicide note for the first time yesterday despite having experienced suicidal ideation very frequently. I told myself it was for the hopeful catharsis. I've reached a point where I feel like I cannot lie to myself anymore. I do not have health insurance. I do not have access to resources. I cannot work or attend school because of my challenges and am fully 100% financially dependent on my parents. 

Everyone in my family has specifically expressed that I am crazy, lying or lazy or all of the above. 

What do you do when talking to anyone does not help because what you need are words that accompany actions from those you love that you will never receive even after directly behind for them? I hold out every day hoping that they're wrong. That I'm wrong and I don't know how much more hope I can muster. I feel like I've used up my time. Comorbidity is a bitch. I reach out and come down the mountain with these big blocks of text ""I'm fucking sad and want to die,"" but there is no release. At the end of it - every single one of my problems is still staring me in the face and it's just circular. I have zero confidence in myself. I hate myself. I hate who I am. I have never felt loved unconditionally except by my pets. I have never been in a relationship where I didn't feel like I was their secret because I either wasn't good enough to be their partner or they were embarrassed of me. I'm not not the kind of person to put a bandaid on what feels like the titanic. I hate to waste time and I feel like an ultimate waste of space.

Bipolar I with near constant psychotic features despite what kind of episode I'm in. OCPD. CPTSD. OCD. Panic Disorder. Anorexia. Agoraphobia. JRA. 8 major and minor concussions. Severe insomnia. Various other symptoms and problems that have become worse since losing access to health insurance which includes frequent fainting/falling, sudden racing heartbeat and vertigo. These could be linked to the JRA, but since I have not been able to get to a rheumatologist since they became an issue - I don't know. All these things together make me feel like I've got every card stacked against me there's a big ass deck that can always be drawn from the keep me down. All of this makes me feel very alone. Very, very alone and unloved. I don't think there is any more I can do. I honestly don't even know what I hope to get from reaching out here on Reddit. I'm a lurker. I say words don't do shit for me anymore and yet here's my own to match Ninety-five Theses.",3.2470313801721744,5.5782615523465715,4.369332129963902,82.71232088308804,76.07581227436823,7.582838100527631,26.35781727297973,8.502166056373571,2.0294277700638714,2276,87,427,46,52,742,270,554,0.168,0.736,0.095,-0.9935,2,2,0,0,0,2,56.0,0,5,5,4,16,34,6,2,23,0,53,18,3,5,6,80,95,25,3,10,15,1,8,6,1,1,11,1,1,2,28,24,0,3,14,0,0,7,19,15,1,3,14,11,65,19,63,76,14,51,0,2,1,5,26,24,4,9,26,294,93,5,0.0700936977309508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519186339214382,0.0,0.0,0.11664714320240704,0.0,0.0,0.047666118072359785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390282268213378,0.04901114321312967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818540265182002,0.07741298216168861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037951407505896,0.0,0.07574638600483853,0.0,0.055964114062069886,0.0,0.0,0.04520463632952953,0.0,0.0,0.07114362773616904,0.07274619187703578,0.0,0.16066690046570506,0.0,0.061339467237448576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208221127789919,0.07242552698254055,0.0,0.0925924525637709,0.0,0.1771708903641604,0.06697753198134908,0.0,0.0,0.13215620008278886,0.0,0.2480903575691549,0.3004497099862457,0.06730094198137095,0.0,0.0,0.05962166348256466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480049407746627,0.07324212810747198,0.0,0.0,0.058791268083757564,0.05606033325658845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207609044898752,0.0,0.14901264591785104,0.0,0.0,0.04698232807732052,0.0,0.0,0.2784754301432895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315960951672387,0.0,0.06230249915413901,0.0,0.14598359975594213,0.1155649894931136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495092516242823,0.2054654408514725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841691848742782,0.0,0.0,0.1897868965285647,0.0,0.09357617504378522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061202623292773,0.07063796109914719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152693291647715,0.103947177426962,0.16218174248852152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749730362164768,0.0,0.0,0.08223985175641256,0.07783075630035073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061203113218709186,0.0,0.0,0.06626120064106787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341404047357368,0.0,0.07046352622882547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525439952895065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574132179067638,0.0,0.07093856422764673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918592705813735,0.0719501734473188,0.23192892436531515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597691755165782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334225730032375,0.0,0.0,0.07285419033997842,0.0,0.056338659134058035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656713819239183,0.04491321124652665,0.0,0.0,0.12261659647650874,0.0,0.0,0.06697753198134908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060538449647143326,0.0,0.2313385657356351,0.0413430789868016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302265217481279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102904676004304,0.0,0.0714314662599659,0.0,0.15327290995156495,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_joy_division_,2019/02/28,"I feel so lost Everyone on this subreddit seems so sad and I'm sorry to burden everyone. Life just truly feels hopeless. I don't want to be stuck here living only to work and make money and then get old and not have accomplished anything. But I just feel so paralyzed and confused. There has to be more than this. No one seems to understand that I just find everything so pointless. None of this matters. I am desperately in love with my ex-boyfriend who doesn't feel the same way. I want nothing but to have a nice life and a family with him but I know it can never happen. I would love to be a mom but its unfair to create a new life and burden them with all the suffering the world has to offer. It would be cruel. I have been a tremendous burden on the people I love so much, no one deserves this. I just want this pain to end. I've had such an easy life with everything handed to me but I just let it slip through my fingers and I've been deeply unhappy since I can remember. The only time I was truly happy was when I fell in love with my ex boyfriend and that's over now. 

​

I've written my note to my mom but I'm scared to go through with it. It's a big world and I've seen so little of it. I just really want the pain to end. I know this all sounds so dramatic but I just don't know what I'm doing here anymore. ",0.8468560559577867,2.907430590747332,2.6765100012271468,93.13167259786478,82.95017793594306,6.011093385691496,20.00993986992269,7.237678284180719,0.4051459320161981,1040,29,233,15,29,345,134,281,0.208,0.659,0.133,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,3,20,18,1,2,13,0,24,12,2,1,3,56,53,26,0,6,15,3,6,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,17,16,0,0,12,0,1,2,8,12,0,2,9,8,26,6,30,37,6,21,0,4,1,4,11,9,0,3,9,160,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147288809697029,0.1286646994328892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501178147249553,0.0,0.0,0.08713625280019753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756949586710736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023597685966612,0.1903294143313582,0.0,0.09982115373710032,0.0,0.21415926831248874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677910396978688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055321761107449616,0.0,0.06017821146781064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363581879482433,0.112719034850611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745787269245316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082769719876934,0.29916541878173386,0.0,0.10612692517719476,0.093500454906196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558853218391033,0.0,0.3822698082783279,0.0,0.0706806169466429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24802792909342505,0.0,0.0,0.07783937324219076,0.0,0.08166683888790117,0.10226664595108516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160175172517236,0.0,0.11111094372337732,0.0,0.14350399433228536,0.16106417628940875,0.22534317565852935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734089441818331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783413686284356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994970668612576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601169243839224,0.0,0.0,0.19279170206397253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759109599340517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853220007012588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061743755343722215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023244787761212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24982036958818804,0.08404843621502164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708723947118573,0.0,0.0,0.15043864648781327,0.0,0.1286646994328892,0.0
suicidewatch,prototype1B,2019/02/28,"Tired of looking bad and feeling bad Seeing beautiful people (especially women) upsets me so much. I wish I didn’t care, but I do.

Seeing the kind of women that men drool over...I am NOT that . All my features are the complete opposite of what’s considered conventionally attractive, I would need tens of thousands of dollars for all the cosmetic surgeries I’d need to look beautiful. I can’t afford that shit. No amount of make up will help. I don’t have a good body or chest to make up for it either. Being an ugly woman fucking sucks. On top of that I’m totally unremarkable...boring ass personality, constantly depressed, anxiety ridden, socially stunted, no talent, no prospects. Fucking loser. 

Really the thing that fucks me up most is how much better beautiful people are treated in society. Guys like to mention how women get special treatment for just being female...but nah it’s just attractive women. Ugly or plain women are invisible or treated poorly. I don’t care about special treatment, I just want to be treated like a goddamn human being.

I don’t see the point in continuing. Youth is valued in women...and I can feel it slipping through my fingers. There’s no way my life can improve with age. I’m not going to make it to 30. 

",3.797042528287168,6.287663493562236,5.404832227857977,75.1762143971908,75.00858369098712,7.669840031213423,29.47502926258291,8.575989854853784,2.7464866952789704,986,44,161,20,22,333,137,233,0.21,0.546,0.244,0.8775,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,3,8,25,5,1,8,0,21,11,6,5,3,28,45,8,0,5,10,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,10,11,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,11,10,0,2,1,9,15,15,26,38,8,16,1,2,5,4,13,9,6,4,6,108,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401203761629216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270484119040687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024905092699995,0.0,0.15102528017079125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772485851506096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255559832769407,0.1469287109430847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710553741246013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374949009173716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37708939919598,0.07103554398537057,0.0,0.07727143717243216,0.11404009735466494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346256712105289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113375918773003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158551491553448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603534775174556,0.1328502210245431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283509228983069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27227094583673384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989827189339915,0.20163106903265385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885205452234244,0.1187184630875219,0.0,0.0,0.12852986537352826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710197789023919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250369570641949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956502474019847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385981087120981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903283964792665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627054141485694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019505117459816,0.1079218424745666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635181445998658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965848779554275,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__WHAT_IS_HAPPENING_,2019/02/28,There’s nothing left for me here. I don’t know what I’m doing. At all. I’ve never felt this depressed ever. Am I even getting better? No.,-2.2880000000000003,-0.9427864666666644,0.9133333333333342,97.42000000000004,113.66666666666666,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.249,106,3,23,0,6,37,27,30,0.203,0.701,0.097,-0.4897,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,6,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33496326662280396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262067604600865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501530887119113,0.3425904940536439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636481817622445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787514060391626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081446760739063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115002933766052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29210634123223417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634096331310647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ezpzjapanesey,2019/02/28,"Everything has fallen apart I ruin the lives of everyone around me. My friends hate me, my boyfriend can’t stand me. I’m doing miserably academically at school. I have no reason to be alive. I just want to end my suffering and the suffering of everyone around me. ",2.518666666666668,5.3440965999999985,4.18,79.93666666666667,83.0,8.933333333333335,26.333333333333336,9.2995712137729,3.011333333333333,210,9,39,7,6,70,36,50,0.339,0.551,0.11,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,10,1,7,7,0,7,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901383711669738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438279365330805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261086253512515,0.2474156479625264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269073236803485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717948989535377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430888122750457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830471118230805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27861127012407233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237497717586313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaythetjri3iri,2019/02/28,No options left have to end it Im so tired and want it to end,-3.5943749999999994,-2.227151687499997,0.06750000000000256,108.8275,97.125,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.7923999999999998,47,1,15,0,2,17,13,16,0.305,0.615,0.08,-0.6573,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6622810406223893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038470136330569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062141252396885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297120323338806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205199912366841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Panache778,2019/02/28,"Going to kill myself after GCSEs. I’m done. Gathering up pills to get ready now. I’ve had depression for 4 years and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of dissapointing my parents, the emotional abuse, everything. I’m finished. I’ve set myself minimum grades for my GCSEs. If they’re not reached I’m going to kill muself. They likely won’t be. 2 months left.",0.3629577464788731,2.8060442394366234,3.133929577464791,85.23976760563382,92.52112676056338,6.220281690140845,19.77605633802817,7.554174236665415,1.1043735211267611,275,9,54,6,10,96,49,71,0.314,0.635,0.051,-0.9723,1,0,0,0,1,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,12,2,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,9,8,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,24,6,1,0.0,0.3016222014128089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925958961935188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26051209475937953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286355446869347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287898716579624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300160322702687,0.0,0.2893544400731697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5632849473997892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765895634006549,0.0,0.0,0.12436937478065918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319425324407214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826683395416695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393385257339685
suicidewatch,nicethrowawayiknow,2019/02/28,"Do you ever feel like... how do I explain this.. what is life? When I sometimes sit alone, I relfect over things, like, why do we exist? Just a bit of ramble here. I recently figured out, it's called depersonalization. It has nothing to do with depression or sadness, just emptiness. That's how I am. I am depressed sometimes, tho.",1.3102508960573471,3.9926900967741936,2.8934408602150548,86.58793906810041,91.58064516129032,4.691039426523298,26.24372759856631,6.42735559955562,1.2445641577060935,254,12,47,3,9,83,47,62,0.234,0.727,0.039,-0.9129,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,2,1,12,10,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,5,10,1,6,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559321221814481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697808428849981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25232761554169725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42567210387778026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352574202732708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494657605263915,0.17653590701543678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454156920068142,0.2414515757908488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371093457507916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439919680505777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887975286017325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641693442463316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297893774400054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imnotokayipromise69,2019/02/28,22. Fucking absolutely hate living. Done with this shit,3.619999999999997,3.736024333333333,3.93555555555556,72.19000000000003,139.0,5.644444444444447,25.222222222222214,6.42735559955562,2.4788222222222216,45,2,6,1,3,14,9,9,0.5489999999999999,0.451,0.0,-0.8598,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715309210470313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259773628333384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549181026335802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068711431943339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729770285987385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IrvingCrossover,2019/02/28,"I hate everyone because they're right about me.  I'll always be incompetent at everything I do. I have no worth as a person. What am I other than a joke for others? My life has been nothing but a failure. Or rather a consistent series of failures, each one hurting more than the last one. I'll never be good at anything except for the most useless things like having a big vocabulary which literally every person has, so I'm not even special. It's bullshit. And everyone keeps telling me how worthless I am, and I despise them... Because it's correct. It's just the truth. Hard pill to swallow for me, since I've been delusional for so fucking long. Foolishly, I believed that there was something I could do, whether it be basketball, music, social skills, being a shoulder to cry on... Nothing. All my worth is based on how much money I have in my wallet. And it's just retarded. I hate it. And now it's too late to try doing anything because at 17,I should be perfecting my talents. But I have none, so I can't perfect shit. I can just cry and hopefully kill myself next time. I'm sorry none of this made any sense, and call this shit a phase or whatever, but I can't handle a phase that's been going on for longer than I've been alive. I just wish I wasn't a bitch the last 7 times I tried killing myself. But I can't... My delusional self won't let me. In conclusion, fuck being delusional. I don't know what to do anymore. I just know I'm fucked for good.",2.4871114599686024,4.382056068027215,3.9512925170068014,86.87401883830456,76.75510204081633,6.83600209314495,26.273678702250127,7.748469712250963,1.5063264259549975,1140,44,231,17,26,377,159,294,0.256,0.597,0.147,-0.9916,0,0,1,0,0,2,47.0,0,0,1,4,16,24,11,0,13,0,34,9,3,3,6,40,49,19,2,5,15,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,17,7,1,1,3,1,3,1,11,14,0,2,7,1,32,10,26,32,7,20,0,3,0,3,7,10,6,4,10,162,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320946277063423,0.0,0.0,0.07617731795071674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109355939806133,0.0,0.0,0.1843655319516444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048587250093412,0.0,0.0,0.12620797534665673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438475932630834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943870999238304,0.0,0.24609702130694025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398803368127771,0.0,0.09438152852020897,0.2140794742945987,0.10067618985093144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106815516133956,0.0,0.0,0.06366344439094529,0.1879138181440965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034775450381354,0.221192758606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126095558738754,0.0,0.0,0.11991953262795815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956836174459104,0.2478666642611384,0.0,0.12312632542922923,0.18262220644080213,0.12636323458658286,0.0,0.0,0.11454785406252364,0.0791229106754545,0.05472722501360575,0.0,0.0,0.099134014376151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599586085663913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823474558143184,0.0,0.08639658988378601,0.0,0.11913434788610867,0.0,0.0,0.2149720742178603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181505631716566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562276953863592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566431299271314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686110138294123,0.0,0.22997346798768906,0.0926639515017972,0.0,0.0,0.11419009804350864,0.0,0.08623832912820023,0.0,0.12539701569125744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791025890336608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442098991052112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063931409512852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210820726975807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288172630086394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Low_Tomorrow,2019/02/28,"best option for me I'm looking to kill myself by December of 2020 but it is quickly looking like it might be this year. I'm young so I don't have a lot of money and I can't get a gun. I don't want to kill myself in the house (cause I still live with family), I have a car so I can leave, but its technically not 100% mine so I would want my family to take the car back. And I don't want to die in it, cause then the car is basically useless to them.

I've been thinking about the best way to do this and thought of hanging or cutting an artery in my neck and just letting everything handle itself that way. I DO NOT want to involve other people in the suicide (jumping into traffic, jumping off of a building in the city etc.)

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What some other options (if there are any)?

​

I don't know where to get drugs to overdose on either.",1.5436235955056183,3.2752941910112376,3.3993117977528087,90.50604634831457,79.0,5.798314606741574,24.04634831460674,6.6274283507984215,0.6862235955056182,658,23,143,6,16,221,104,178,0.15,0.752,0.098,-0.7735,0,0,1,1,0,4,27.0,0,0,1,2,10,7,3,0,11,0,18,2,1,2,0,29,32,12,4,6,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,1,6,7,4,0,0,2,2,17,3,25,26,6,23,0,1,2,0,2,9,0,7,7,108,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27384641503588397,0.3071098260835541,0.08593679032124109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717169858237194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652376819696356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596361893709801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115341653195592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655054149296634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093735974234278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357434010945712,0.0,0.23826315453098015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204753523872798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581546722198638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27962215167532684,0.0,0.06945033965544735,0.0,0.0,0.13380891787341082,0.0,0.1292231753641912,0.0,0.06173861442457581,0.0,0.11158813789462348,0.0,0.21224006213298047,0.0,0.0,0.10743632625559801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340599366784721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760992012583542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092025155402104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822964766083096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501546049571424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097360082243607,0.0,0.100324664710431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981481734870704,0.2006152483343222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977051740445698,0.0,0.3071098260835541,0.0813789482580734
suicidewatch,anonymouscentral,2019/02/28,"countdown i'm a senior in highschool and I don't what to do. I am deathly terrified of graduation and everything it would bring and have essentially promised myself I won't live to see the day. I've tried getting help but I don't have the money to other than school counselor and if I mention this to them I would get in trouble and probably sent to a hospital, which again, can't afford. I know i still have a few months left but I don't know what to do anymore. I do still have some will to live but my absolute fear of graduating over rides it completely. It's not just the day that really is what it comes from it's just everything that it means and that I would have to face. I just don't know what to do, I just have this countdown clock over my head that I can't get rid of. ",2.103948051948052,3.7114747757575763,3.595519480519485,90.27613636363638,77.0,7.3809523809523805,23.90692640692641,8.192908349453996,1.1831471861471865,618,20,140,11,14,204,81,165,0.071,0.904,0.025,-0.8294,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,6,0,23,2,2,0,0,24,35,10,1,4,9,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,0,4,0,1,4,8,2,0,0,1,1,18,1,18,29,2,17,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,8,103,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737688211014118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509344860304122,0.1837123667542323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600177080284256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149486418144879,0.0,0.0,0.19716856362958632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746319624549934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798238536966355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744469377556273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888851054774915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903744835858139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30944078071375064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086338183019408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985705228114811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891425625348096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224890986327564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773296108035098,0.1396257772764874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798580747014064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896127912513492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373408762546224,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MDRO85,2019/02/28,"Just need to write something I just created a reddit account because I didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry if my problems are stupid or not so serious as losing someone for real or being part of a tragedy. Also, excuse my English, because I’m from a South American country. 

Right now, I feel lost and I want my life to end. I’ve always suffered from affection problems because my dad abandoned me. I never thought it would hurt me this bad, because I’ve been using this as an excuse for all my failures. I was married for some years.. she was a great girl but I wasn’t in love, so I cheated on her and let her for someone else. This new relationship was so chaotic and We ended hating each other. I left this relationship feeling so low about myself. I regretted my mistakes, because I knew I was doing something wrong and ended doing it anyway.. I could not forgive myself for being so self destructive. 

I went to therapy. Everything got better.. I could forgive myself and it helped me forgive my father. Everything got better. 

I feel in love again. I recognized her as the love of my live. We live in different towns, so it was a difficult relationship. But we tried, and we were happy so many times.... but I am self destructive, and I tired her. I’m insecure.. not jealous but just insecure about me. I tired her by asking so many reconfirmations of love, of passion, of compromise in this relationship..of acceptance. She just gave up on me a few weeks ago and we ended a two year relationship. 

I feel so lost... I know this too shall pass, but she’s still the love of my life. How do I keep going with this? I feel my heart just stopped, and I don’t want to make any effort to get over her. I just feel it’s not worth it. I prefer to die now, knowing that loving her was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t want to go on with my life, right now I just want to write that. I want to write that I want my life to end. ",1.8016785619878417,4.017216577319591,3.5874226804123737,87.06230901401005,80.3917525773196,6.350621200105738,24.123975680676715,7.516190064127842,1.2203586307163632,1504,55,303,23,39,503,171,388,0.212,0.614,0.174,-0.95,1,0,2,0,0,0,59.0,5,0,0,7,28,39,6,2,11,0,25,14,1,4,3,81,67,31,1,16,19,2,6,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,20,17,0,3,16,0,2,4,9,23,0,1,18,6,67,16,42,42,6,38,0,8,0,7,41,15,0,4,19,220,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061807983977122026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575994000920182,0.058017703994669385,0.0,0.0,0.04741614158691312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518449471114708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058218384203021424,0.2125219284792376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317324416844269,0.1233341451403708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134124042259733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236468740152037,0.07284893801544458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649442531599505,0.0,0.3087831607676574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307125277247774,0.0,0.0,0.1253306522419459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153367866618736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036429011391264636,0.0,0.07925390324465288,0.0,0.11153266960270153,0.07687327558281262,0.0,0.0,0.06165856330715608,0.07422473403566897,0.0,0.06884009205238309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262576870878563,0.04673593760698597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464323621635477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197576476915189,0.0,0.0,0.11495892944286333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075757615783235,0.07129966521293861,0.1969984366098692,0.0,0.0,0.12313885417532636,0.0,0.0,0.07800567489395356,0.15222855785262435,0.0,0.3775831857538025,0.0,0.04654271571163236,0.14138265059585506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170102246374101,0.053777069720495715,0.06734190553085696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550657564493335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334369292212984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936357109936379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742987060207018,0.0,0.11909142331873288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547906590150605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815740294235093,0.10735712241292114,0.0,0.07805266463226912,0.0,0.0,0.05568335655526077,0.0582941448963653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973787637361679,0.0,0.04632292511162505,0.0,0.0,0.05535473792757637,0.04065785184219358,0.1602797983638534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047339447531484766,0.0,0.06811227180330669,0.0,0.0,0.06022096650630501,0.0,0.0,0.2467575753370009,0.0,0.05593007464627777,0.0,0.0,0.06463679676890781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953142359248759,0.07623454870678745,0.0,0.0898026495607931
suicidewatch,throwaway7969054321,2019/02/28,"I cheated and I want to end my life We would have been 2 years in May. I love him more than I can comprehend. I was experiencing a bout of dissociation when in the end of November and I convinced myself that I wasn't happy with him. I don't know how this happened. I was mentally not correct and I am so disgusting and selfish that the concept of saying ""oh, it's just me, I should work on this"" didn't even come to mind. 

I looked far and wide for somewhere or someone to place the blame, and my honest, amazing, beautiful, angelic fucking perfect boyfriend was where I placed it. I'm such a fucking monster. He doesn't deserve this.

A long distance ex texted me during this bizarre mental breakdown I was having, exactly the mental breakdown that was causing havoc on my relationship. MY fucking mental breakdown, MY problem, and I STILL blamed him. I insisted he and I break up, he was completely fucking destroyed, and I just accepted and sought after the attention because I ACTUALLY thought I didn't want my boyfriend anymore.

 I didn't realize how much I love him, how much I need him, how much me means to me. Oh God he means the world and more to me. This experience changed me, I have been improving myself for the first time in my life for him. I had what felt like a spiritual awakening after the 2 weeks of talking to this guy because I came to my senses and I had to face how disgusting and horrible and selfish I am on the inside. It took me that long to realize it's me. I don't believe I'm the same person anymore. But it turns out I am. I blocked the guy, told him not to contact me, came back to my boyfriend and apologized over and over and over again, but I still didn't have the decency to tell him the truth about what happened. He knew I was talking to him, but he didn't know the extent.

I didn't want to tell him because I didn't mean any of it. It was all just a DISGUSTING fucking pursuit for attention and validation. I couldn't accept it from my boyfriend, who means everything he says and loves me more than anything, because I fucking convinced myself he didn't mean it and he was the problem. FOR NO REASON. why did I do that? I can't fucking figure it out. I didn't tell him because he has no way to know I didn't mean it, he has no reason to believe I didn't mean it, he doesn't deserve to feel insecure about it because oh good God I didn't mean it at all. I've never regretted anything so much in my life. I did everything I possibly could to cover it up and move on, do everything in my power to make him happy (did that wrong too of course) and feel so grateful that I still have him. I kept it from him to protect myself because I can't live without him, I really fucking cannot at all. I'm a sick, disgusting hypocrite.

He's been insecure and suspicious for 3 months but he believed me anyway because he loves me. He found things on my laptop that I forgot to get rid of and it's over now. I write him a love letter in my journal everyday with the plan to compile them all and give them to him on a special day, he deserved to feel loved and I needed him to know how much I love him. I spent 2 hours after he slept last night to write one and I was so excited about it. I had no idea this was coming.

I crushed him and permanently damaged him for the sake of empty, meaningless attention from an ex that I've NEVER EVEN MET. What the fuck. I deserve every last fucking drop of agony that this brings me. I don't think it hurts enough,i think I deserve to hurt more. I deserve to feel like my insides are being slowly torn out of me and I deserve to be strangled to the edge of death over and over again with them. I wish somebody would do something horrible to me, I wish something fucking traumatic would happen to me. The pain I feel now will never be enough. I can't live with myself.

The best I can do now is slice myself and punch myself and burn myself and purge myself until I can't take it anymore, and it feels almost enough, but it's not. Not at all. I can't live without him but I don't deserve him. He deserves somebody better than me. I would NEVER FUCKING EVER even THINK about doing this again. But it's too late, I already did it, I already doomed him to infinite insecurity if he decided to be with me. He deserves the best possible and I am no better than an ugly, disgusting, putrid fucking repulsive blood sucking demon. There is something seriously wrong in my head, there's no way I could do something like that if there wasn't. I hate myself so fucking much.

I'm trying so goddamn hard not to end it all tonight. I can't hurt more people but I'm being selfish again, I want to act out selfishly again. I can't handle the agony. He's the only reason I am still here and I never showed it to him. I'm trying to distract myself but the urge is lingering deeply and its just getting louder.

I just needed to put this somewhere. I needed to write it all down somewhere, to read it over again and again and acknowledge what happened. Need to post it so it can't go away and so that others can feel disgusted with me too. I need to write it somewhere to make it real because it doesn't feel real. And maybe this could encourage somebody here to keep trying, maybe it makes them feel better to know they aren't as pathetic as me. Maybe somebody will feel grateful not to be me. 

And now I just feel disgusting for making this about me again. I'm victimizing myself but the victim is solely him. I feel manipulative for feeling this way. I'm garbage and this is simply what I deserve, yet I'm here whining about it. Fucking disgusting dude. I think I might kill myself tonight, I'm still thinking about it. I'm sorry for wasting your time if you read this far lmfao
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suicidewatch,ColleenDaBean,2019/02/28,"I think I’m ready. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I’m just tired. My life has been an interesting rollercoaster and I feel as though what I’ve been through is more than enough for one lifetime. 

I wrote out my letter this weekend, I’ve been perfecting it all week. I needed to be sure that each person I mention knew just how special and important they were. I needed to stress that this was nothing to do with them, to not blame themselves. 

I’m all ready to go. I’ve had a plan for a few days now, I haven’t really been able to sleep so I’ve been staying up at night thinking of the perfect way. 

It’s a little bit scary, and I know that there are people who care about me. I’m just tired of bringing constant pain and stress into people’s lives. I’m tired of burdening others with my own issues. 

But I’m more tired of trying to constantly fix myself. Every time something would happen I would work like heck to build myself back up again. And now I’m at a point where I’ve been kicked so often that I don’t really think it’s worth it to get back up. I can’t do it again. “Things will get better. People love you. You can do this. Hold on.” I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of working to make myself better just for things to fall apart. 

The world will be a better place without me in it, and I know those around me will see that one day. They don’t deserve the stress I put them through. They deserve happiness and I life without a weight dragging behind them. 

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suicidewatch,r8n4s8n,2019/02/28,"It's a beautiful day and I want to die I don't know how to enjoy the nice day. I see the sun through my curtains and hear the birds chirping. My phone is telling me it's a perfect 65° and I don't know what to do about it. I can't think of a single thing I want to do. I'm hungry but I can't even get myself to get out of bed to eat. I'm just so exhausted from constantly trying to better myself or my life and getting kicked down. I try so hard to make change happen and even when it seems like it's going my way, something always comes along to hold me down. I can't escape it. I've wanted to die for over a decade and I just don't know how much longer I can hold off.",0.3663886113886079,1.517429954545456,2.5923376623376626,97.57608891108893,80.62337662337663,5.517682317682318,18.33966033966034,5.873414542411696,-0.5204919080919082,519,10,134,3,13,177,85,154,0.11,0.7659999999999999,0.123,-0.2589,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,7,0,10,3,0,3,1,27,29,13,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,8,9,1,2,5,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,3,19,5,22,29,2,12,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,5,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568538292975294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484913160937505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852175246162593,0.1508208840378331,0.0,0.1892055124146764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22583166884559705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634227647357777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915644856850424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312849940054013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27442525861294026,0.0,0.0995052755270675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482776442043922,0.0,0.15684245576013256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733438284271312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886676738985874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366825424834275,0.08553806122034427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168711081993659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870818345044155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952068686984026,0.1593915053745766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478957638861236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303267648037627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631920290974315,0.1121878890373048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23774348402139345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098103628600272,0.1389749312783814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissBaltimoreBitch,2019/02/28,"So basically I feel like shit 24/7 I prevented one of my friends from suicide, and I know that's good, but I constantly I want to kill myself and I can't support her as well as I could. I took on a therapist role and I just feel like I'm letting everyone down. I just don't want to fucking deal with it. I love my friends, I really do, and I feel like they fucking hate me all the time. And if they don't, then I can't kill myself because I don't want to let them down. I just don't know what to do. I'm not in college yet, I haven't moved out of my parent's house, I can't talk about it with anyone. Sorry for ranting. ",0.5586450839328556,1.8648177122302163,2.9346942446043194,94.65345623501202,80.51079136690647,6.359952038369305,22.37470023980816,7.1686216300943375,0.4736038369304554,478,15,120,6,12,165,76,139,0.189,0.601,0.21,-0.4221,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,3,0,7,15,6,0,2,0,13,4,1,0,1,25,29,11,3,5,6,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,5,0,0,2,9,6,1,1,1,3,28,9,18,25,1,11,0,0,0,3,11,5,3,1,7,82,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975417148943594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869668120367813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416938850770331,0.0,0.1139058072390878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708059327875728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632181934937634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164060175301916,0.3057581391601803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044411513537893,0.2637816290346016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196600171721246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085142622586366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461540782107498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156737444304529,0.0,0.15680909856138786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29176775437857205,0.0,0.2090956614980533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876006952426108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162953646412944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667299842723044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584117835687985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139438155386397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644281831066847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970096503965311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605155101968626,0.161893717747952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466813251640595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656442079972252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318868044068192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850524817813372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524412401410306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282723078999956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Burningshroom,2019/02/28,"A downward spiral I'm not getting better. I'm getting worse.

I've been in and out of therapy and medication for ten years now. Each time I lapse it gets worse. I'm a month and a half back in right now taking 4x the dosage of antidepressants I used to take. This is the worst I've ever felt and the first time I've had anything beyond fleeting thoughts. At this point I've spent three days planning how I'll end it. Sometimes I feel a bit better and try to convince myself to at least last until my next session, but I know I'll lie to my therapist. I've already lied to my ex-fiance. She wants me dead anyway. That's why I'm here. I only cause her pain and make things worse. I can't stop.

I can't live in a world without her and she can't live in a world with me. My depression caused her so much suffering. Even if by some miracle she doesn't completely cut off contact, my depression will always come back. It will keep getting worse. I don't know if I'll survive this round. What's to say I'll survive the next?",1.4705813953488374,3.3254062325581373,2.9820348837209316,92.82979651162792,79.69767441860466,5.974418604651163,22.377906976744185,6.961326702584282,0.5180744186046518,800,25,179,9,20,262,124,215,0.211,0.736,0.052000000000000005,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,6,11,9,1,0,10,0,10,2,0,5,1,31,31,13,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,9,11,0,2,5,0,1,1,7,6,0,4,5,4,22,3,22,24,6,32,0,3,1,0,8,14,0,3,17,103,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890077911576095,0.0,0.09719379916041007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612321513270083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963662726943874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661476251275726,0.12752432686184578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399884434260225,0.0,0.10061994153138136,0.12247119984016057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533164077422523,0.0,0.2012135032657584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345741539350042,0.0,0.0,0.07715072989517703,0.1056597254404774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906174743325801,0.0,0.11215421241638768,0.0,0.0,0.09935701513201507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441099025290749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382451595015227,0.0,0.0,0.12838948953687193,0.09521429223723814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628760253351852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797039613411945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176719962028382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323520948317256,0.0,0.08586748430771099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484537414413012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883791745749132,0.12429218526402888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104215268446058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975358453371228,0.0,0.09289058756729143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552631969728334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765690506824852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565049403179905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335803833679282,0.13562335033242698,0.07760219329320009,0.0,0.0,0.09273268175528476,0.13622362879465028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930511617906573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088480103241187,0.0,0.0,0.06889651654380585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540125323981744,0.0,0.0,0.1125989590231768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761502353029057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752206661460298
suicidewatch,GuyFromTexas123,2019/02/28,"I want to do it soon, just trying to gain the courage to do it in the next few days my mother is right, I'm a waste of space. She finally just left my room after yelling at me for over 5 minutes. But she's right. I do not amount to anything, I will never amount to anything and I have no reason to exist.

So why the fuck am I still so scared of going through with this? What is making me go on? I used to hope that things will get better, but they obviously never do. I tried meds, I tried therapy, nothing worked. I have no real friends, no one that cares about me.

I don't want to go on anymore. I really don't, yet I am so fucking scared of dying, of the thought of not existing, that it's still keeping me away from finally commiting suicide. But I don't want to, I want to gain the courage to finally go through with it.

And I hope that this will happen in the next few days. I don't even know why I'm posting on here.

I guess I just wanted to vent, please don't waste your time on me. ",1.2923004694835676,2.678612525821599,3.0409624413145555,94.33684272300472,78.67136150234742,6.2356807511737085,22.631455399061032,6.937597516519254,0.4367258215962444,760,23,182,8,18,253,104,213,0.127,0.7070000000000001,0.166,0.718,0,0,0,0,1,1,27.0,0,1,1,4,13,11,2,2,7,0,18,2,0,3,4,31,42,8,2,7,8,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,12,4,0,1,3,0,0,4,12,4,0,1,1,1,29,7,34,38,4,34,0,0,0,2,6,14,2,3,15,127,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842326550469382,0.0,0.0,0.1799340405421926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271656026250213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669107770495923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146642856525203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410140774678276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346443605981042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220962460345287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592880106729457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446597042005853,0.2021425816852365,0.05711898140030395,0.0,0.2485328068177183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043630332716675,0.0,0.0966777355795998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717327617045964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717509259577818,0.0,0.0,0.06008340332672615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878438863953353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297679545840878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143794057278826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863984652981326,0.0,0.2325415640937603,0.0,0.0,0.10490245521570962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408298126314848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000850189013107,0.0,0.0,0.10470529490597737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244383574618024,0.0700378426899479,0.11240663243079982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672976657032148,0.0,0.0,0.21891132051426565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461778324015167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958627867510405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502525057752442,0.0,0.07263217410541786,0.0,0.0,0.08679363302354419,0.06374960490164289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267810075954475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442365121680978,0.0,0.0,0.3224202546672733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730169603117328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959154787215382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gamerofgold,2019/02/28,"What do you do when everyone says you are a mean person and they indirectly say they dont want you in there lifes? Fucking everyone, even my parents.

About to get a knife and cut me, not for death but to see if someone cares.",2.3408695652173925,4.12321026086957,3.5167391304347824,90.33206521739132,76.82608695652173,7.208695652173913,24.54347826086957,8.07648339933343,1.2291043478260877,176,6,39,3,4,57,37,46,0.056,0.8170000000000001,0.127,0.6609999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,2,0,4,3,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,10,5,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,5,10,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,1,1,2,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586327785347744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972985545231321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754619384984862,0.0,0.0,0.4847838132034692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23451319932996856,0.13253175020305544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917414303913995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276320255852686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816697607960589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149426627388746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034560505784321,0.0,0.0,0.2021416058476528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214933192163876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496207376406093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qwaszx3666,2019/02/28,I intend to kill myself I really dont want to do this  and iam scared but i have to i have no choice my life isnt getting any better and i can stand this anymore i just need one resons why shouldn't i commet suicide  i really cant stop cryung and cant stop thinking about the idea just one resone,0.2413186813186812,2.270796384615384,2.0098901098901116,97.19153846153843,85.15384615384616,4.945054945054945,15.439560439560445,6.18269132825596,-0.6958131868131869,235,4,55,2,7,77,43,65,0.18,0.6629999999999999,0.157,0.109,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,14,13,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,0,10,1,4,12,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627104050124667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372895046742061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161305028238309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28042024536881577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500762397150408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27010438206850146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26471452668569223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900202301815612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741414680935866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242682988174704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065623401580397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395489499906165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400077425471536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617202931544111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331323564547694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112643106772424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159021013833561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mandybobandy22,2019/02/28,"I’m too scared to do it, but my mind is in the darkest spot I’ve ever been in I’ve been on antidepressants for years, most recently I’ve been prescribed Zoloft 200 mg a day. It’s not working for me. I’ve been getting lazy, neglecting housework, schoolwork, everything except for my dogs really. I recently lost my job because I called in so much. I go between having manic bursts of energy where I’ll clean my entire apartment in an hour, to days where I can’t get out of bed and have suicide ideations. I’ve been hurting myself pretty regularly, but I’m too scared to actually do it. I live with my boyfriend, I don’t want him to have to find me. I don’t want to hurt my family either.  Other than them, I don’t think anyone would notice or care. I’ve considered going to inpatient treatment at the hospital, but if I’m there for 3 days I’ll miss a lab for school and be kicked out of my nursing program. If I have to delay graduation I’ll feel even more like a failure. I hate how much I just lay here and cry about it. ",3.4991194968553465,4.404813943396231,5.061622641509433,83.94627044025158,72.30188679245279,8.294842767295599,27.34088050314465,8.648137234880735,1.856772578616352,804,28,170,14,15,272,126,212,0.23,0.6779999999999999,0.091,-0.9887,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,2,12,10,1,2,6,0,18,1,0,1,1,28,33,11,1,5,10,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,6,1,23,2,29,25,5,22,0,5,0,0,3,11,0,4,10,107,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.14662009226177106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505669283454026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158960996347797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341971144238806,0.0,0.15318755466004536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504005524037554,0.290692031376423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923719597284274,0.13590765627518567,0.0,0.0,0.1350329544514457,0.0,0.1416401700517589,0.0,0.0759697570262283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373236857173563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699645530964518,0.0,0.17077847303108135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833850854933445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479637300553535,0.0,0.3216865638472494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490976693809504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340344219877999,0.0,0.13267148131456893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640131248901537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170735711452513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220898710343167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105801459704156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285593692506308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625253086006408,0.0,0.29670297682018204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30084833890009144,0.15205870468638055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643466094404376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627266635304972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723998524429446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938212291430664,0.0,0.0,0.10673166294495932,0.0,0.0,0.09675459969961968
suicidewatch,AstralSurfer11,2019/02/28,"I've been hearing COUNTLESS success stories of the carnivore diet healing depression/anxiety/sleep and pain issues  I heard about it a few weeks ago when listening to Joe Rogan's podcast. He interviewed Jordan Peterson who told Rogan he and his daughter ate ONLY MEAT and their depression, anxiety, sleep issues, low energy, and auto-immune issues pretty much all vanished. Joe Rogan himself even said he has heard nothing negative about this diet.

​

This led me to research the hell out of this diet and I've been hearing a mind blowing number of stories of people curing their depression/anxiety and numerous issues as well.

​

I'm getting ready to try it myself soon. I think this is something worth looking into you guys. There's this site called meatheals that has a bunch of testimonies or just read youtube comments. I think the Peterson interview is a good place to start.",9.168790436005628,9.754673291139241,8.433881856540086,65.86421237693389,59.759493670886066,11.072855133614633,40.9732770745429,10.746095033038511,4.946048382559775,732,37,102,16,9,230,103,158,0.093,0.7709999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.6483,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,1,8,7,1,0,7,0,6,7,1,1,1,15,20,9,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,9,8,4,0,2,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,7,7,10,3,14,13,4,11,1,2,1,0,22,5,1,1,5,64,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969626240589048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681645675087086,0.3007378193305153,0.0,0.0,0.1893357076595167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263618419978319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658506604125573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173522658812432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646538866927368,0.0,0.0,0.10379501752412347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253123442218924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789488451620024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166483526790464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039182208437057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495148706372708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909699531809836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874076335104773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411689718128073,0.1316779496382134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579216323477741,0.0,0.12929164982133362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589749758073676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378275961278748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771389530665873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476772830925207,0.0,0.0,0.09526823489104737,0.0,0.0,0.08759037116191011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858707254813625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824773188805054,0.0,0.08401763209888535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926420099788552,0.0,0.1112654565909704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007378193305153,0.0
suicidewatch,samdavnic,2019/02/28,"shit's so fucking hard man i'm so fucking sad. like all the time. i tried suicide once and it didn't work fuck my life ahaha. my best friend killed himself just after christmas and it's been so hard, knowing that i didn't help him enough and like i know i could have helped him. i keep thinking about cutting and burning but the scars i've gotten are just disgusting and i don't want my girlfriend to have to see that shit when i'm naked. sorry for ranting i don't really use reddit but just felt like i needed to say something even if it's just to people that don't know me or really care if I died.",2.5221093749999994,3.799321992187501,3.5066875000000017,92.71956250000002,75.171875,6.057500000000001,22.95625,6.2581,0.3279725,477,13,106,3,10,153,77,128,0.224,0.637,0.139,-0.8688,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,10,15,8,0,2,0,10,6,2,1,1,25,27,14,3,5,9,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,5,5,16,6,7,21,3,3,0,1,1,3,9,0,5,3,6,63,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616964130459408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709381755092558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301955041774702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990968443439532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592048032472866,0.0,0.1017677316738923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479400105584895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904105942232535,0.427330680483014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760490540514486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655182252115128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695250187188915,0.17046559372082148,0.0,0.2540333799567821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883056005466678,0.2258256615292649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424763215295405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408911499551135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068189838366233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741391597119795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252981149267478,0.0,0.0,0.12278102075221932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163197752099179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861754802850348,0.0,0.17247883489575624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685374267893003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872760693105936,0.0,0.0,0.0898447086738742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046095324651302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307479236281755,0.0,0.0,0.09087979100680192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217135294421388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SN2014dt,2019/02/28,"I'm really considering it I don't know where to begin. I never thought I would be seriously contemplating suicide, but here I am, in the back of my classroom unable to think about anything else. 

My PhD program really triggered it (though I've kind of had mental health issues throughout my life). I'll be miserable if I quit and miserable if I continue. I would love it got better, but I don't think it would... 

What's stopping me is literally only my wonderful fiancé and my mom. They are wonderful. I couldn't ask for anyone  better. I've tried to talk to my fiance about my issues, but he does not understand. That's ok. I don't really expect him to. 

I'm meeting with my therapist today. I've tried everything. Therapy, medication, meditation, and nothing really works. It's not going to get better... Maybe if she can offer me some advice today, I can have some hope to be a little less in pain.

What I'd like to do is get some Fentanyl, take them orally, and go that way. I don't want to inject anything, I don't want any pain or fear. I'd like to just keep it with me, that way I know it's there and that I could end it at anytime if it gets to be too much. I think I'd do it in a relatively public place where someone who's not my fiance can find my body. I haven't decided if I'll write notes yet or if I'll make it look like an accidental overdose. I also haven't decided how I'll get the Fentanyl. I don't know anyone who sells drugs, but it seems like a pretty common one. I can't be that hard... ",2.2334615384615404,3.751920984076434,4.565222929936309,83.8425281724645,76.42038216560509,7.760705536501715,23.2234198922097,8.502166056373571,1.4246437040666335,1175,35,248,23,26,411,152,314,0.102,0.757,0.141,0.9591,0,0,1,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,2,5,13,17,0,3,6,1,30,8,1,3,1,56,60,20,1,15,16,1,1,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,21,7,0,2,14,0,1,2,14,6,0,1,3,2,37,11,22,47,5,22,0,2,1,1,15,8,0,15,14,154,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594901570192542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852159431660513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677179052079107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731186512162188,0.0,0.1616021279023461,0.0,0.091793327765362,0.0,0.0,0.07550117101229302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605201971657247,0.0,0.10906568621205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839581346149238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592573137208859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138679024512994,0.0,0.08202419159076459,0.0,0.08696618424480305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824581437097627,0.0,0.0,0.11048976344592136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974283742647063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519850296451675,0.0,0.11160598159820706,0.0,0.07853059951414973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795793056530635,0.0,0.0,0.104370164600683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752369103399476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496731509865615,0.0,0.08727476854999497,0.0,0.10224858596180836,0.16188608558929762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935369423789227,0.19188046535094894,0.09841103091553223,0.0,0.0,0.08245391127529833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861927794888433,0.0,0.06554182520459627,0.0,0.09864390540164987,0.0,0.0,0.09891494450452604,0.09895127465945416,0.0,0.0,0.11499760384640625,0.0,0.0,0.0721801084295333,0.0,0.07572930048762079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421485747753257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653531136965232,0.07467705111467693,0.20895973561194928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025864582404549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989336817955073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443593685315286,0.0,0.0,0.25160918697274165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938744866299339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319510080007109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209028194489472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740267402202958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382580150760168,0.07892048478147322,0.0,0.0,0.11228751643641477,0.11400483211422174,0.0,0.1887463666592211,0.0964700545127238,0.07795098549843947,0.0,0.0,0.18614311303972547,0.0,0.0,0.1333275786747989,0.0,0.0,0.10221806405741027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582866493976147,0.15587549042711776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129632562214608,0.07148265809195489,0.0,0.0,0.2092516427713912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RICKYSPANIH,2019/02/28,"Going in circles. I think i will attempt to kill myself soon. I have done the research on how to do it painlessly but i dont have the pills. Hanging myself will hurt. I tried with my belt. It seems like there will be no easy way out. 

Called a lifeline, went to the doctor. Got put on a list for psychotherapie but won't be helped till 5 months from now. Im in agony and there is no one who can help me. 

I feel like a coward for not actually doing it when i say i want to. When i feel i want to. 
I might not make it through today. ",-0.41953177257525104,1.5618483043478302,1.712173913043479,98.54311036789301,87.69565217391305,4.5819397993311055,16.672240802675585,5.873414542411696,-0.7195752508361206,405,9,100,3,13,135,76,115,0.16899999999999998,0.682,0.149,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,6,0,15,2,0,2,0,16,25,7,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,3,3,15,2,16,15,0,17,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,9,72,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.1990396198587992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827023481761595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876598341339814,0.0,0.20872617347135428,0.2390445027549724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062608381431006,0.1457120526776826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591754522799272,0.0,0.16312878916714038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27342578419674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183478757724608,0.0,0.22031631744735986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565614804442394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929319380713406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361476755758588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637376535939667,0.0,0.0,0.16280226447903715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821140864503906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504033862132706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220050438641168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856813313198595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069201238458258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933341960320913,0.0,0.0,0.13847829130533845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24060671864685276,0.16189727425694936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907684053675813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QuitePleaseShh,2019/02/28,"Planning my exit. It has gotten to the point where I don’t think it will ever get better for me. I have tried therapy. I have tried antidepressants. I have tried changing myself into who I have always wanted to be. But there is still this toxic cloud living in me. I always though depression was a monster you could arm yourself against with drugs and the help of others. But it’s not. It’s a cosmic horror constantly gibbering madness into my brain. I can’t fight it because it is part of me. I can’t stand it anymore. I just want silence so I’ll just kill all of me. 

I want to kill myself in a way that leaves as little gore as possible. I don’t want whoever has to clean up my body to have to deal with anything obscene. I would preferably like to go quickly and with little chance of being stopped as possible. It seems like my options are:

  A.  An exit bag

  B. Self electrocution
  
  C. Pills

  Not sure what to do with this information. But I’m pretty done. ",1.4056676136363642,3.869027473958333,3.116761363636364,88.2611931818182,84.15625,5.5742424242424224,21.748106060606066,6.980632752743323,0.7601895833333332,753,25,148,10,22,249,116,192,0.133,0.743,0.124,-0.7707,0,0,1,0,1,2,21.0,0,1,0,2,9,9,4,0,7,0,22,5,3,0,3,30,32,10,2,7,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,14,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,0,23,4,26,24,2,19,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,2,7,110,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250537067312755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411737710595278,0.0,0.0,0.11128737664034992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824383670376303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196048991051242,0.0,0.15021626580750638,0.0,0.1509676555938446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306133404810994,0.0,0.0,0.14614164113995334,0.0,0.10797462301966457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942196625189032,0.11647822480837335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839297241850307,0.0,0.0,0.15683036246901313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232834330996208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065501977562948,0.0,0.07685750844160336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064557257367684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29923631093312336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431949747703976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213856707592686,0.2710831993420293,0.11941551313951268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644697705582246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278413547673525,0.3049156407644289,0.0,0.13758322409205626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311341187647899,0.14108022542543916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799932549168187,0.1130630177200951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274579533085935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465369541693216,0.0,0.0,0.08665351241989999,0.13286829115963292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754482875403924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319061844747231,0.10734372521780433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606749071102914,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flare20Blaze,2019/02/28,"Shotgun Question Which would be better for this case, when pointing through the mouth towards the brain stem - a 410 shotgun with birdshot, or a 44 caliber H&R shotgun? I feel the 44 has more of a punch, but the shell of the other one has a bit more of a diameter to it and i'd hate to put a smaller hole and just end up in pain the whole time. I wish I could find where the 12 gauge shells went, but my license expired so I can't go buy any new ones.",7.889062499999998,4.587094781250002,7.659583333333334,82.89375000000003,64.72916666666666,10.016666666666667,38.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,2.4717583333333324,353,14,81,1,4,113,71,96,0.1,0.8420000000000001,0.058,-0.7184,0,0,0,3,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,13,0,6,3,2,0,0,13,11,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,2,0,2,1,1,5,1,11,7,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,4,53,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227093285457185,0.0,0.1520559351118519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977563772894163,0.24411371762376285,0.0,0.0,0.24961198815004002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852671961866545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804358045985887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305907735476965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043667087259535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707725645538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207590963727872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595465331018454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303034826814192,0.0,0.23792658360199875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137464581899854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247801542331917,0.2504836139877893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038318755168776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727980485961034,0.0,0.24964185402638794,0.25712941742055306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883930407900698,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jasonfromcn,2019/02/28,"People will judge you, no matter what you did or did not do. Parents will swear at you, at worst possible way that don’t even make sense anymore. And the rest will ignore you. I only have two hands, yet you expect me to make Einstein looks stupid. I’m talking to you mum. Get your shit together, or you will regret. Mechanical design is a little bit difficult, so what, I just can’t do it whenever you start raging on the phone. I quit college, so what, after you died I will get my degree. I don’t wanna get married, so what, I won’t allow my kid have less attention because I’m busy at work. That’s what you did remember? Why do I come to this world anyway? Fuck",1.6364309954751128,3.6366123602941203,3.4135294117647064,89.22242081447966,79.80882352941177,6.2434389140271485,20.75565610859729,7.321109707123232,0.6085074660633483,515,14,108,7,13,172,87,136,0.228,0.7490000000000001,0.023,-0.9828,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,11,0,2,7,8,4,0,3,0,18,3,2,3,0,16,29,6,1,3,4,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,3,2,21,0,9,20,4,11,0,1,1,1,16,6,2,2,3,76,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809535851220126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791065493551682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290804344949571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807502967636711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777081136915954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859099013427584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398480948975916,0.3288831467218656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030516988544026,0.0,0.0,0.1762046760119224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801268222885561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958546288063652,0.0,0.0,0.2329918104531487,0.0,0.0,0.14546996863891698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23655223115019866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318044265687026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376969218717659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538787454688174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851902627895336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865371498500847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049737963006966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655359257128474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933928515967316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275901912657158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BleuCelesteShips,2019/02/28,"I do not know what to do anymore. My mother always abused me, physically, sexually, mentally...I could never go out (except school), I could never talk to anyone or have friends, I could not have any hobbies, no privacy, nothing. She sees me as her property, her slave (she even said this once). She says that I need to do all the things she wants and finish school so I will have enough money to take care of her. I do not even have the energy to give other details now... I have been planning suicide for the last 8 years and now I have it figured, all steps, all scenarios, nothing can go wrong now. I have everything prepared. I am crying, I do not want to die, but I cant stand this anymore. Recently it has gotten to the point where I plan to end my life soon, before the week ends.",2.775961538461541,4.461474929487182,4.066923076923079,87.27807692307691,75.34615384615384,7.107692307692307,24.179487179487186,7.882392219407189,1.2072333333333338,603,19,125,9,13,198,97,156,0.065,0.862,0.073,0.0872,1,0,0,0,1,3,32.0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,5,0,21,1,0,0,5,23,33,6,2,6,7,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,1,3,8,1,0,0,3,3,24,2,13,26,4,20,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,1,13,94,32,2,0.0,0.1672650946878993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746596310897,0.0,0.0,0.0960014332681931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800083073541364,0.09871036671017476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120126514055698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393371129379876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381417689639039,0.0,0.15507021908925733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465136866064218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500720219796177,0.14586785491894091,0.0,0.18648483483478104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687580478907104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109068719228537,0.0,0.0,0.1354245273989904,0.1604619871829749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758414205327611,0.1150735811955158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971357660700343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467684825962473,0.2177602646418636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27091564513865635,0.0,0.0,0.1503429967672825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345265964300312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938978496138002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428638568924234,0.1122652106060957,0.0,0.2857461070986982,0.11249537549483103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441866336863974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614336835397664,0.11346827146836692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378804464171273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653316858855247,0.0,0.11323922928224177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434882922707946,0.0,0.09090979127134273
suicidewatch,DancingDevill,2019/02/28,I think i won‘t make it any longer. Im so crushed and lonely. I‘m the closest i‘ve ever been to commit suicide. My boyfriend says it’s okay if i die. He turned his Phone off when i told him about my feelings. I don’t have anyone. I just want someone to care and hug me. I don’t want to die alone. Im so lonely. ,-2.3089130434782597,-0.6651927246376808,-0.008369565217389408,105.36396739130436,106.68115942028984,2.3000000000000003,14.445652173913045,3.1291,-1.6292521739130437,238,6,60,0,12,78,49,69,0.29100000000000004,0.547,0.162,-0.9252,0,5,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,2,11,14,6,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,12,3,5,11,0,4,0,2,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156790644804676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520463049738504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633669217174515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22796106493803564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640944185566416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022465475506707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305191699949348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830229966662458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492455461486818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780474591542786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944388895246253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445670484794883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432650295578451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364622641543046,0.0,0.0,0.2431976161975947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26375390530618137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tertanans2000,2019/02/28,"Is there a point to this? Is there really any point to this life? I'm just mentally tired and exhausted and ready to lay down for the big nap. I've been like this for several years, the only drive that keeps me going is  I have is my wife, friends and family. I'm just doing it for them and not me, I know it's super selfish to go out like this but it's all I think about and I have no good reason to do this other than I'm just not happy and i have lived my whole life like this. All I feel I do with my life is wash, rinse and repeat these same motions that I just go through day by day. Can I just lay down now?",0.5054866180048627,1.8651982773722688,2.385127737226277,98.29671836982969,80.82481751824818,6.0265206812652075,16.526155717761558,6.816661863887847,-0.5091990267639908,472,7,122,5,12,157,75,137,0.09,0.785,0.125,0.5917,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,9,9,0,0,3,0,13,6,0,1,2,25,23,8,0,0,8,1,1,3,1,0,6,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,4,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,1,15,7,16,22,4,16,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,8,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754739755907024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419216816726293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681510550394405,0.0,0.09483609486484616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490857916503533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31978442678823377,0.1573166338382644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966136728798425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671216264083746,0.0,0.0,0.1030782049170425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39743804122174586,0.27489738339032943,0.0,0.16561913161660127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901661119954985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264801726556822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546101106063577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015589498956915,0.19284316883199432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188968869324515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201810309331036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557290912346588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940431413916735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078264766011328
suicidewatch,dty5,2019/02/28,"Blogger.com is driving me to commit suicide  Blogger.com has a page up posted by an anonymous user about me. It includes some disturbing accusations and has a link that leads to nowhere. I contacted the institution that it references and they claim to have no idea about the origin of this information nor the user who posted it. I have been trying to remove it for the past 2 and a half years to no avail. I'm at my wits end and I need to know if anyone knows how to remove it when the user is anonymous. This page also has my picture on it which makes matters worse. Strangely, it appears as the first image when you google my name. I understand Blogger.com respects their users right to post material but when it is false and easily verifiable as false I believe it should be removed when requested by the person it mentions. I really need help because it gives me great anxiety and I am trying to keep my life together but I always feel like giving up. It really makes me out to be a sexual deviant which is not true. However, I don't believe anyone will ask me if this is true which leads to more anxiety. I have not been able to contact any support from Blogger.com and I need someone anyone to help me find a way. I tried reporting abuse, slander, inappropriate content, libel etc. Each time they denied my request. This is about me and it basically puts me on a sex offenders registry of some sort, if you google my name. I just need to know any ideas to fight this before I lose what little strength I have left. ",4.707699252801994,6.315016886986303,5.669925280199255,78.05222291407226,70.1986301369863,8.870734744707347,29.368617683686185,9.339509955726095,2.691083561643835,1209,47,220,26,22,398,157,292,0.136,0.755,0.109,-0.6809,1,0,0,0,2,2,26.0,0,2,3,5,10,11,2,1,14,0,21,2,0,6,3,51,39,22,1,8,8,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,25,10,0,1,11,0,0,8,6,4,0,2,2,1,34,7,32,33,7,31,0,1,0,1,21,9,0,7,11,158,59,3,0.11326575870879872,0.1342014027159993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905785863176348,0.09424618477647057,0.0,0.0,0.1540491999406971,0.0,0.17329599078043245,0.0,0.0,0.2375941561477707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058881946392102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904575521412007,0.0,0.0963808182438685,0.2552234464445957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031984315768537,0.0,0.12632126141145694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727057085842788,0.0809170806531345,0.0,0.0,0.10352285147760976,0.09634379649586453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730967328248665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487589883970528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183930104556695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255726509653399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067581058763074,0.0,0.0,0.18674369649258776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123063578248247,0.0,0.08000295504246174,0.055335928430656635,0.1135220462086939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267154117361195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121154692230726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359404995894275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812498297528922,0.0,0.09889929164054632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325431861886412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386337171481672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512189072873208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672833906372283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959697097926854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238943562508883,0.12853264072277756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604617476220373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070004561081586,0.0,0.0,0.11791364934738327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990508717593992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542748468874715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293943504469569
suicidewatch,cattofairy,2019/02/28,Help How do you unfuck your life? My life is so messed up right now. I did things I shouldn't have done. I admit all the sins I did and wanted a second chance. But my brain is fucking with me right now that I want to commit suicide. I'm going crazy. A lot of things happened is just 1 day. The people around me is turning their backs at me. I'm a fuck up. This is too much for me. I want to sleep and never wake up again. How do I do it? How do i end my life in ez way?,-1.7760172537742631,0.002492850467287866,0.74336448598131,104.39291876347951,92.45794392523364,3.292307692307692,11.969086987778573,3.1291,-1.917226599568656,353,4,95,0,13,119,69,107,0.179,0.713,0.108,-0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,2,1,0,11,4,2,0,5,0,14,8,3,3,3,18,25,7,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,18,0,11,21,3,17,1,0,0,2,5,8,2,1,7,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674001220233892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402499108491465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090928849267112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079539741799207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167672534054656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589549198524944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463185226359832,0.0,0.0,0.10644901455957392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563205178537868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554572832643526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968944478765233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159238915825287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768977796886206,0.0,0.14446016772137954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298528084736247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31991268911115706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743897806066467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487985763823727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248872523763408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373265038892094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33142974231374234,0.14867296637999866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SleepiestSteak,2019/02/28,"i have a good life I’m a middle class high school student from a rural area. I have the best life someone could ask for. I love my family, my parents are super caring, and pretty much the only work I have to do is school work. I get decent grades and just got accepted to a pretty good college, and I have awesome friends. But I fucking hate myself and my life. There hasn’t been a day in around the last 3 years that I haven’t thought about shooting myself. I’m lazy as fuck and have a ton of social anxiety. I’m socially awkward. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I have no real reason to feel suicidal, I just do, which makes me hate myself even more. I sleep and play video games to cope. I feel like I’m lying to myself if I say things will get better. I feel like a fraud. Every day I want to end it, but I’m too much of a coward. I don’t want to affect my siblings lives mostly. I’ve never told anyone about this in my life, not my friends or family, and I don’t really plan on it. I would rather just kill myself. Nobody has to respond to this, I just wanted to open up to somebody.",1.521739130434785,3.1006274782608725,3.41413043478261,91.06771739130436,78.56521739130434,5.817391304347828,19.76086956521739,6.508806274219699,0.09214782608695636,840,19,184,7,20,283,125,230,0.136,0.698,0.166,0.2237,1,0,0,1,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,6,11,19,5,1,12,0,20,8,1,3,2,36,44,12,2,7,10,1,3,2,3,2,4,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,6,3,0,0,8,6,0,0,5,4,31,13,23,36,6,16,0,0,0,3,12,9,2,3,9,122,38,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593982345727802,0.0,0.0,0.07855076831981711,0.0,0.0,0.10000645347361853,0.10502277303152864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789394162426192,0.09935563656290584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453815831164604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969438110833157,0.0,0.0,0.14490006486325818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994999315495623,0.0,0.0,0.07419953721414106,0.0,0.09465132926670616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21180838426045054,0.0,0.17040749967863306,0.16051149469047984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358727316280728,0.20771311434845832,0.1173860689435858,0.0,0.0,0.18845099198740373,0.08984859280716259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218250642311297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869342063335553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428761019799373,0.0,0.0,0.0915721267935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173963714427049,0.10976733850007044,0.0,0.099198313883733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139127255560317,0.0,0.07498784933616785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651657114853289,0.0,0.17328712948021024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543966299955888,0.0,0.0,0.12474032037406545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285804162257351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278675603987572,0.07196790654444768,0.11550427179158312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933730916619029,0.0,0.2273882369711212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242117108531388,0.22903304785108106,0.09518535171744852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288177072768955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746337310999014,0.0,0.0,0.08918544361429935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734572287819394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878319946535133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635697748244096,0.0,0.0,0.07980314154360937,0.0,0.0,0.0723433028379389
suicidewatch,IknowImaLoser,2019/02/28,"Why shouldn’t I do it? 1- I have 23k in debt
2- I make 600 a week
3- I am undocumented in hate country US
4- Can’t go back to where I came from; don’t know how to live there since I’m here all my adult life
5- I’m a female, single. No solid friendship either.
6- I’m tired of being the help, I want to grow professionally, but can’t. Read #3. 
7- I’m scared of walking in the streets, also because of #3. 

I have nothing to live for. All could be easily fixed with that piece of paper called green card, which my only chance would be by getting married. But because I’m just a nanny, people look down on me. I can’t win. ",-1.4353173374613029,0.5586890441176493,1.4309907120743048,97.55208978328173,96.05882352941177,3.745510835913313,15.246130030959751,5.399115186594226,-0.967391176470588,474,11,115,3,19,164,94,136,0.087,0.7829999999999999,0.13,0.6757,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,1,7,3,1,1,5,0,14,2,0,2,2,15,27,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,4,6,2,0,0,1,2,12,1,17,20,5,13,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,0,2,66,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843804172706073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195887900764658,0.0,0.256792080129167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150733410144296,0.2409007557390108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681682270205926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004372206614284,0.0,0.1197039690102992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079501931978493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411785917900864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575488873194495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487718193401167,0.0,0.0,0.3719743503020848,0.0,0.17687332343188375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059491258119947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021019342924088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019104503903087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602198644805667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210683630825554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087400301291068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423252676728604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420843293622661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533579048446602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423304485927555,0.0,0.16895197960242947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005777474453964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496231163895682,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PaidInBacon,2019/02/28,"I’m heavily considering jumping off the city bridge on Monday. No matter how much I try to push against all the things weighing me down, my fucked up family and friends who don’t give a shit about me, at the end of the day I go to bed feeling numb, like theres a hole in my chest that I can’t get rid of. 

I’ve spent so much time feeling like nothing and this week it’s finally started to collapse on me. Theres an 80 metre tall steel bridge in my city. If I can’t find a way to set things straight then I’m going to do it. Nobody will care, or even notice.",2.950245901639345,3.1758934918032837,4.285368852459019,91.500512295082,73.09836065573771,7.411475409836067,25.90573770491803,7.1686216300943375,0.8769311475409833,434,13,105,4,8,144,85,122,0.125,0.738,0.13699999999999998,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,8,0,5,5,2,1,1,10,17,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,3,0,1,4,4,3,0,0,1,2,10,4,17,15,3,24,0,0,0,1,3,10,2,2,10,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837843685348973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813322185044327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897065557811864,0.0,0.0,0.1414688274276968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019169181217637,0.0,0.21659927693661696,0.1530155968290969,0.0,0.2346319430309524,0.19576349982521016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654807355458377,0.19801289759682808,0.11190413143595032,0.2054681723911629,0.24345539082151416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092823924581644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149049227578964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551868833484124,0.24385389480145844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198603965868869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160301891219766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28459332286090994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124894456991584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454192566954709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001207237282515,0.17180829743681672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PillowLace,2019/02/28,"Well, I failed another grade. I will be definitely ending this piece of shit life in the next few years Work hard they said.

You will achieve good things in life they said.

Don't give up they said.

""Things will get better"" they said

Well, I have been working hard. Very hard despite having horrible depression. And guess what? I'm barely scraping by my grades. In fact, I failed one today. 

Isn't it great when you put genuinely effort into something and still fail? Meanwhile, my class mates are passing with high grades. 

I'm so sick of it. So sick of it all. So sick of the daily grind. So sick of working and going to uni. Fuck all this shit.

",1.1618305882352935,3.788807536,1.6264470588235298,96.49816470588236,89.64,4.541176470588235,17.75294117647059,6.2272716619740125,-0.2433482352941172,502,13,104,5,17,152,80,125,0.285,0.599,0.116,-0.9819,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,4,9,8,12,3,0,2,0,10,10,2,0,3,9,21,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,7,4,0,0,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,2,1,5,7,12,5,13,12,4,15,0,4,0,1,12,6,3,1,6,61,20,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331702054408102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087908297157647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771909935410065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105463663181985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635503959412964,0.07140772712253209,0.1311123637546059,0.07767629260516791,0.11463759825089805,0.0,0.15068610638028432,0.15056435659034814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673053641228242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444060179900878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307702937522167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535679861901107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261540000841846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739743459272966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200418502006307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28059252152837705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052200953188702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091498719923589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160332490832276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295531539426274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277226373548616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457768208173173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985059288023893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801505791418728
suicidewatch,ImaJoek,2019/02/28,"Where To Start This is my first post. Honestly I've never even thought about doing this sort of thing before but I don't really know what to do anymore. I've been battling depression since I was 12 years old (I'm currently 21.) It's been a long and exhausting fight. I have this perpetual feeling of loneliness and worthlessness. It's hard for me to connect with people too. I have a belief that everyone I meet is going to hurt me and I think that's due to my past. When I was 11 years old my parents got a divorce and this thing was vicious. My mother won custody of me and my 4 brothers and that was the worst thing that could have happened to me. My mother neglected and starved me for years. While she had custody of us she would leave the city to visit her new boyfriend. She would leave for months at a time leaving us without food, power or hot water. She abandoned me. My eldest brother at the time was going through a lot. He had a major addiction to some heavy drugs and an even more messed up mind. He was very violent and would physically abuse me. I have the scars on my face to remind me of him. He smashed my face into the corner of a counter top. The scars give me a reason to hate myself. I felt so weak to him. I feel so weak in general. I don't trust a single soul on this planet because time and time again the people that I was supposed to trust hurt me so badly. Its been years and I'm still seeing the repercussions of what happened. I used to live in Edmonton (Canada) But I've moved to Toronto on my own. I'm out of the hell in which I was raised but I feel like I was born a monster. I want to end my life but I have reasons why I haven't yet. I don't want to hurt anyone. My plan to move to Toronto was so I could kill myself without it directly effecting anyone and so far I'm getting to the point where thats becoming more and more possible. No one knows me out here. There's no connections to me I could slip away. 

I don't know, I have a lot on my mind and a lot on my chest. It's all so heavy and I've grown so tired.

Anyways, Thanks for reading.

​",1.1256573746619516,3.178776118993138,2.7566356355315165,92.98852948824629,81.8604118993135,5.8949240690659455,22.059964634907427,7.075746649084167,0.5871789473684217,1632,53,361,21,44,536,204,437,0.255,0.701,0.044,-0.9989,3,0,1,0,3,2,44.0,2,0,0,6,20,26,7,0,23,0,36,12,3,4,2,60,64,29,1,8,7,5,6,1,0,3,7,0,0,0,22,19,2,2,13,1,0,6,10,20,0,2,19,7,61,6,52,39,12,54,3,7,1,0,22,21,1,6,27,250,83,1,0.0,0.10023424662830213,0.0,0.0922238012682846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166139487472487,0.10279526586047888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389802364228231,0.11830512827627733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948216982068522,0.0,0.07063540889020366,0.051569872718956335,0.09343133198364464,0.07198627220415592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263274611418552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286373376556468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810628378050024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492830698692259,0.0,0.0,0.11175174929440856,0.0,0.0,0.08083657096330754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832516816792422,0.060436496597524425,0.08122690119261923,0.0,0.0,0.07195862087604056,0.10229567629065092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419872090772181,0.08115366510962599,0.09615745848096144,0.0,0.0676603776440256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961864333422867,0.0,0.07578277557607725,0.08352255248449478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716902358184983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359463937869623,0.0,0.1394777800507095,0.0,0.0,0.2687297270043974,0.0,0.0,0.05975374149917926,0.04133008288640831,0.0,0.07470117415671879,0.07486615720073699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157653995254322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083879055812132,0.0,0.06752494610051968,0.17982758509262953,0.0,0.0,0.0652468350096715,0.0817048273966127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754176631813082,0.0,0.057325479772026525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393555224688156,0.0,0.08075792049030525,0.11729855923138555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997201582804206,0.0953710107883562,0.08102105453661633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462042926071801,0.0,0.05419534778355586,0.17396071334561142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741328328502777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997995595792163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059878571377889635,0.0,0.06755970150157001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788604508011752,0.0,0.0,0.16860853153393282,0.05420668514825059,0.0,0.06716099392056811,0.1973180141486385,0.09723242279268393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352083909454735,0.0730651090916974,0.0,0.06980182694267507,0.09979563711869396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633611790436784,0.0,0.0,0.16309801160229914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802869869851695,0.0,0.10279526586047888,0.21791215809184505
suicidewatch,Throwaway_1324221,2019/02/28,"I don't know what to do I fucked up my life so much. I lost my apartment, lost my job, wasted all my savings and delayed my graduation about six months. I've always been a fairly anxious and unhappy person. The only thing that's good about me is that I'm somewhat academically gifted (feels like such a douchy thing to say.) I'm in a very good law school but not studying right now due to a major fuck up on my side. Honestly I feel like it doesn't matter cause I can't see anyone ever wanting to hire me once I graduate anyway. Everyone else that studies here are way smarter and more gifted than I'll ever be. I'm just gonna end up with a huge student debt and no way of paying it off. 

I feel like I'm constantly on the brink of panic. I can't listen to music or watch shows because it reminds me of how much of a failure I am compared to everyone else (even though I know music/shows aren't exactly an accurate description of the world) I can't go outside because it reminds me of how much I hate being where I am, I can't talk to my family or friends because I feel like they see me as a failure/secretly despise me, I can't play games because I feel like I'm wasting my time etc etc. It's like everything I do makes me anxious and not doing anything makes me anxious too. I feel like an animal trapped in a cage with no way out.

Everyones lives would be better without me. I know they'd be sad if I died but I think if my family never had me and my friends never met me they'd be happier. I just fuck up everything. I want to end it but I don't want to hurt everyone, especially my parents, and I'm scared. I'm always faking that I'm ""normal"" towards everyone, but due to recent events I feel like everyone now sees what a fraud I am and knows that I'm actually a complete failure who won't amount to anything. The shame of it all makes me want to die. ",3.625402231356429,4.085489078880412,5.407798982188297,83.21349530240751,71.6972010178117,8.4889019377569,29.110295556860446,8.617729084823388,2.053081111763554,1460,55,312,24,26,503,182,393,0.226,0.629,0.146,-0.9894,3,2,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,3,3,18,29,5,3,16,0,28,4,0,6,7,60,69,21,2,8,13,1,7,8,2,3,1,2,0,1,17,11,0,1,12,3,2,1,17,13,0,1,5,13,53,16,37,54,11,38,0,4,4,3,13,18,3,5,24,197,70,8,0.0,0.0,0.0669374029791512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415064495174952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324735367698756,0.0,0.04796219996484118,0.0,0.1128932822568686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725594797424936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066541436058701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704644633574671,0.0,0.0,0.07191902451871371,0.07412525140211122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423785356858358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460220646034228,0.0,0.12150703845538728,0.0,0.15299986408400865,0.04530538806029077,0.12409357292999128,0.0,0.39326441761274056,0.12329490655952215,0.0,0.12932777485725427,0.0,0.24278069351161616,0.3430226844859959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599040193838116,0.19024087489136626,0.0,0.0,0.038983291079357,0.11506601850757793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772192249316979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343080619120626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806850701462228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078886886057186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048449647791062714,0.2680907215223555,0.0,0.06056935493355797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975590951124473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373601672545565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054750711396467235,0.0,0.15127243916968966,0.0,0.10580713764153442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720710809950299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304988436966886,0.0,0.052168480199062006,0.0,0.08047974310387608,0.07616501171701345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989323574644075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772784827153122,0.0,0.0,0.058578510713317,0.0,0.05454833833202198,0.06867410252549112,0.06942032728984897,0.16398051818948906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055132891379176034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114100375343068,0.04395197250350999,0.06739280747603521,0.0,0.03999744638779136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565968564594699,0.1618329948276741,0.16333908438709013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612172743745755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872688471936297,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tuff-Gnarl,2019/02/28,"Can’t manage and really irritated by the incessant “there’s still hope” nonsense you find when looking for a solution. My latest attempt to sort my shit out came to an abrupt and painful end yesterday.

I don’t want to live but all I can find information wise is “suicide isn’t the answer” and that disgusting “think of the people you’ll leave behind and how it will hurt them” bullshit. As if you should shuffle on in misery so that other people don’t have to mourn for a while. My entire life is mourning.

The problem with all of this is that I want to find a sure fire way to die successfully in peace without much chance of being interrupted and living in worse shape than I am now. And I wouldn’t want to cause trauma to somebody going about their business (e.g. train driver, pedestrians etc).

I know this isn’t a place for advice on methods but I find the aforementioned attitudes towards suicide to be totally misplaced and it forces people to have to do some utterly brutal things to themselves in order to escape their demons.",5.449876722262509,6.869522954314724,5.7110551124002935,79.1799111675127,68.18781725888324,8.471211022480059,29.299854967367658,8.841846274778883,2.3713469180565623,830,30,148,14,14,264,127,197,0.316,0.5820000000000001,0.102,-0.996,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,3,3,2,7,13,3,0,10,0,19,3,1,2,4,37,28,15,5,8,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,1,2,16,4,34,21,6,22,1,3,1,0,7,10,1,4,8,110,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770934614017438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117956530714347,0.0,0.14476781390800092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625691005476532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248168757234832,0.0,0.15716756217455832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5152080976486867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009038257863553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399693746436036,0.0,0.0,0.1508621052270673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744816985217258,0.0,0.0,0.14921821621908352,0.0,0.0,0.09953882086269357,0.0,0.0,0.2488770278165975,0.0,0.11834070548149908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359538827409208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995312015570686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930969671985806,0.0,0.14723563325565056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484527920930048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027955202927067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446565074374868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254212467003752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082960654693446,0.0,0.13281924499193615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362367384982624,0.09029843800837574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24936195952279805,0.1118589477388805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584575084863734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436136417081897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nametagless,2019/02/28,"I don't think I'll make it out there My main reason for wanting to kill myself is my fear of the future, I guess. Looking at myself now, I never get shit done, am not really motivated for anything, and am just plain irresponsible. I'd say it's because I never focus on the task at hand, but it's hard to not look at myself as a useless resource dump. Thing is, I don't see myself improving either. If I can't be responsible in school now, who knows what'll happen in university or college? What is the point of struggling to get shit done and not getting it done because you don't want to? I feel fucking useless and I want to kill myself when the time comes that my parents won't support anymore. I'm scared of being left alone in this world and I don't want to suffer through everything.",4.841296296296299,5.057431030864201,6.0242962962962965,80.72533333333331,68.93827160493828,8.208395061728394,29.78024691358025,7.908726449838941,1.8877758024691351,625,22,126,7,10,210,97,162,0.28,0.655,0.065,-0.9879,1,1,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,0,1,5,13,6,3,5,0,16,4,3,3,2,27,36,9,2,5,8,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,3,7,18,1,21,30,2,19,0,3,3,1,4,11,3,3,7,88,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395370101174742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361343149228572,0.0,0.0,0.1108692146800984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642572102765858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605577157756287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136188838075492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108434789952835,0.0,0.0,0.1516058416117094,0.06812224857980201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455335976070953,0.21116860129733656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841747930098906,0.0,0.1191390421563622,0.0,0.12068933513740646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981119314559917,0.0,0.07404268499800305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638177239878708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262742578716284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993162136484928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782023559514815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495988931556112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736099128746306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630985658438513,0.1385222609894646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714067856074992,0.1348856843144628,0.1363513756637665,0.10736033719076384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27659158979609283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084638682972028,0.0,0.0,0.15288711760146392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950693353309755,0.0863279121253285,0.0,0.0,0.07856066156591818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178629708904759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeagulll,2019/02/28,"a dilemma? been struggling with being depressed, suicidal, and not getting better for most of my life, yknow like a lot of people here. came close to just doing it plenty of times but I can't really say I've attempted. more like, had a plan in my head but obsessive thoughts never let me because it was never the right time. like, it's december that'd be so disappointing to do it now. or, c'mon a new episode/season of that thing is coming out in less than a week. but this time the timing would actually matter. not just to me, but my family and someone I haven't even met yet. gotten to the point where if I meet that person, I won't ever be able to do it and I'll be stuck living a sub par life. the person is my niece. my sister is pregnant, I live with her, we've never been close until now and this would devastate her. she's due in may. I've googled if grief can actually cause a miscarriage, and pretty much everything says no, but even if she doesn't the grief will hit everyone pretty hard. will my sister be so grief stricken over her brother that she'll have trouble taking care of her baby? will it drive wedges between my family members? killing myself will be easy, the key is sitting in my fridge, waiting. but will the decision be? I don't even know why I'm posting this. just getting my thoughts out? I can't help but feel bratty when I talk about myself.",3.2123498523137526,4.753127657039716,4.400598949786673,85.93825976370199,73.87364620938628,7.202428618313098,24.504266491631107,7.84624498591911,1.2496945848375454,1079,33,218,15,22,354,154,277,0.198,0.7170000000000001,0.085,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,3,16,14,1,2,14,0,37,3,1,1,4,46,53,20,5,5,16,3,2,3,0,10,2,2,0,2,14,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,12,9,0,0,10,4,28,5,24,23,5,33,0,5,0,0,18,12,0,7,19,157,42,0,0.1185494807067794,0.0,0.23137438440326766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226666310235455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484738186378292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558902398654105,0.12086909648927872,0.12178297264325165,0.0,0.1021198805404901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210649402049336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490244182014094,0.1072347923851393,0.0,0.11327910914171338,0.10654462914460976,0.0,0.2235157995535148,0.0,0.05994217945868952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387442143983513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619704922220237,0.0,0.12166596873116757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946121800195029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115743583521286,0.0,0.06515169425968494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122487599573722,0.167470008295718,0.17375186432328885,0.0,0.2093627267825129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007865291273556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714750879755828,0.0,0.27429800359419626,0.11449582719517973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218728315040208,0.20702566777304987,0.0,0.0,0.11206757784641362,0.0,0.11353763241387428,0.2412148823728613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594583297370665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124060878023182,0.0,0.18855061057154865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044659029524848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393365708656755,0.0,0.12967389053389686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913445582658716,0.0952855820175923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875900729190992,0.0,0.0,0.18823009115137496,0.27650862219917205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509324262853586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697246714570154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684282994866581,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AshamedAmphibian,2019/02/28,"It's okay to kill yourself Sometimes it is the right thing to do. It doesn't always get better, in fact, it can get worse. It can become so bad that you can't believe you were considering suicide before, when now, it's truly a nightmare.

There's no hope if you've got some terrible disease, lost your health or had your quality of life negatively affected in some way. Life is about experiences, and when you can't have those things you desire, it's no longer life than it is a prison sentence. This extends towards other things, such as relationships, stable careers, and so on. When you don't have these things, life is miserable.

You can hang onto this life with the knowledge that there's always something to live for, however, you won't ever be *truly* happy. You've had to settle with a compromise, so while you're being a good person taking your antidepressants and watching television, you know that this experience is ultimately meaningless. All you're doing is passing the time. And for what? Perhaps these distractions can take your mind off of how much of a failure you are. However, you're killing time. Why not just kill yourself?

Finally, you have no one else to blame but yourself for how your life's turned out. Sure, you could tell yourself that it's just the depression talking, but deep down inside you know it's right because it states the facts. You only want to be happy because it makes you feel good. Reality doesn't care about your feelings though. The only thing that exists are the facts.

One of these facts is that it's okay to kill yourself. You won't have to suffer anymore. It's depressing, but doing the right thing is never easy. It's for the best.",4.080911330049261,6.338118263322888,4.389264442454098,83.88567006269594,73.26332288401255,7.190371697268249,26.126399462606358,8.07648339933343,1.6827070309001346,1342,47,247,21,28,420,158,319,0.173,0.7120000000000001,0.115,-0.953,2,0,1,0,0,1,45.0,0,21,0,3,18,23,4,2,14,2,35,7,0,4,8,39,50,20,5,5,8,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,36,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,13,12,0,2,5,3,21,11,30,39,5,26,0,5,1,0,25,12,0,5,10,175,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194961126501955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055208914851212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623759851768218,0.1113198978735162,0.10084149704312473,0.0776956006245496,0.10287181270243027,0.09582114803626834,0.08075369292235654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309365411125707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290127424524236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728530969369986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627534968866434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259248195737214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863169083559308,0.0,0.0,0.09233520698480804,0.0,0.0,0.1000224438946322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540836225060226,0.0,0.0,0.15316809457739328,0.07302661352747371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439617058968103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705515711387877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068853337391204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040710262724844,0.0,0.10035996737530802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869573483824417,0.0,0.0,0.08062582511572634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099672464594885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094818540432621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219412282345248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712121027046189,0.0,0.0704216495688278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374408190902082,0.13888629871316113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972582102293557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802963399253277,0.0,0.233927244172856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029265161317524,0.09030503756679427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998751265894868,0.0,0.0860558430215109,0.0,0.137303122818519,0.0733891728471916,0.07980641308830208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639622035379107,0.0,0.08970874323461198,0.0,0.106483786101906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931588435566917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385528190469965,0.07247531069577245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239043845895781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304971585509178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EndingOfGenesis,2019/02/28,"I'm ready but don't have the means Hi. Like some of you I've been self harming for a long time now. Currently I'm putting together a plan for ya know. 

But planning is a bitch and i can't find an opening. With the option of cutting my wrists out I'm not sure what to do. 

I don't think I'm made for this life. I can't find success, nor can I find solice in hobbies. So ya that's about everything. I've loved this sub bc I've been watching new posters and their hobbies. Trying to help anyone I can. Yet here we are. Welp. If I find a means goodbye y'all.",-1.3847919655667162,0.6176701382113841,0.8545289335246302,101.82288378766144,95.58536585365854,3.8697274031563835,18.61740793878527,5.5289334501034215,-0.5616815877570533,429,14,107,3,17,142,81,123,0.14800000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.113,-0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,4,1,3,5,7,2,0,7,0,12,3,1,1,1,22,22,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,1,13,4,11,19,1,10,0,0,1,1,10,3,1,3,7,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092565634563452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828321654565878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6845520527726094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550599183985714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290463969364518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225627559640052,0.09147816848794267,0.0,0.0,0.1657054248179608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899540502282345,0.17717520331165265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079281451111793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808418334753342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882323654402205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533677286464907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647565560768086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997866761586487,0.0,0.0,0.10918373061097453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712667424268753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adan978,2019/02/28,"What do you do when you feel you are not good enough? What am I supposed to tell myself when I feel ugly, when no guys see me as I see them?

How do you take that feeling of guiltiness away from you?

I just want to feel more confident about myself and do not think I’m the biggest shit in the world",3.57015625,3.5725782031250013,4.109375000000004,94.098125,71.65625,7.025,23.8125,5.985473137389443,0.254575,231,5,56,1,4,73,43,64,0.206,0.7070000000000001,0.087,-0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,5,1,0,6,2,1,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,11,16,6,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,13,1,8,16,2,7,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,3,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660062429561553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822009037596825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5523807975049286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290759857420672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704268854035473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352747444057177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803487225905034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534856356278405,0.0,0.2387146330596149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500112643398208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109036054505893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarcoRosenberg,2019/02/28,"Suicidal thoughts. I'm 30 years old and married with 1 kid. Can't say it's a happy marriage, but I love my beautiful daughter more than anything in this world. And she's the one keepeing me alive atm. As Camus once said: 'The literal meaning of life is whatever you're doing that prevents you from killing yourself.' But on daily basis I struggle with suicidal thoughts. I imagine myself gone for good, I know it's a common thought for a lot of people like me or having the same situation. I have been struggling with depression since I saw my father's dead body at the age of 16. It had a impact on my life. Before that I used to be a very driven and positive young man, who from time to time enjoyed times of solitude. I can't say that this was the turning moment, but it might have triggered something that was hidden deep in my mind. After that I isolated myself, though I still had a lot of friends, but slowly I started limiting my circle. Now I have a decent job that allows me to provide for the family. Still, sometimes it all seems so unbearable, though I can wave those thoughts away for now, but I am afraid that one day I won't be able to withstand the storm. I perfectly understand that it'll be very devastating to me and/or my family to see me go that way, and therefore I keep being strong and try finding the positives to stick to. But I am scared that I'll be defeated by my own subconsciousness. ",5.666527514231497,5.9790150286738335,6.247864220957202,79.49963946869075,67.17204301075269,9.432089394897744,32.540796963946875,9.325443323948027,2.8164664136622384,1119,45,216,20,17,365,164,279,0.162,0.677,0.161,-0.0626,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,5,7,15,1,4,15,0,24,4,1,4,2,40,45,16,4,0,7,2,0,1,1,3,2,3,0,2,20,8,0,4,10,0,1,3,3,7,0,2,13,5,34,8,32,24,6,28,0,2,2,1,13,8,0,5,17,151,54,1,0.11308770731459188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930615474227738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624962364174297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622930962150336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561494902781895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729322157053086,0.0,0.0974022766010172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321805181597372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033601157289777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737128214506662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427035017412032,0.0948526034855473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203839672937559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112222099790234,0.20103510065498467,0.12511479280580867,0.0,0.062150046441052764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975438415425633,0.055248941513170516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922862494083652,0.1020660710902971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318566606301397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996818635858356,0.11418634670619547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186665254267026,0.12043471750654093,0.15326231441847313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840077718166377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075723064805756,0.17986376772954954,0.11322052333195562,0.0,0.09011626121490617,0.10295080146195464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354732010675272,0.12711532121079788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706044205627016,0.11184663417931992,0.0,0.08004406129650334,0.0,0.18062397828555973,0.0,0.0,0.2364476513178225,0.0,0.2473991938490734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222161965178698,0.359116030353195,0.19782705468717107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677912999453933,0.12300695160564006,0.0,0.11772829156669433,0.0,0.09767146971263717,0.0,0.18661840407470048,0.0,0.08976375826682878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282477578447077
suicidewatch,Jogiches,2019/02/28,"I'm going to do this today. I'm screwed anyway I posted here once already.

​

This time it seems I'm really going to go through with it. It took me 4 years to pass the first year at university, and even then it was on conditional clearance. Now it looks like I'm going to fail. I've failed everyone. I won't be able to look my family in the face anymore. 

​

Also it seems I'm going to be living in poverty, because my father got his salary cut, we had to spent so much on treatment of our cat that ultimately failed, now I hear he (my father) will require a criotherapy for which you have to pay.  Also we will have to save money for some gift for the first communion of the son of my cousin and godmother. Probably nothing will come out with a vacation trip to my friend abroad on whom I think I have a crush. 

​

My beloved cat died on 4 Feb. He was the last thing still keeping me here. I knew that nothing good would ever happen to me anymore now that he's dead. 

​

​

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suicidewatch,TechnicallySuperior,2019/02/28,"Well do I have a doozy for ya I’m 30 two daughters and a son . I’m seperated because well she went and fucked elsewhere cause she was unhappy. Well tried to help all time tried to finish what she couldn’t do as home housewife had to do ( not kidding here , dishes, laundry cause needed clothes for tomorrow right , vaccum cause she had four cats right , and of course the damm litter, not counting helping with the kids , you know diapers , baths and bedtime .) after12 hour day shift everyfuckingday. She left me and now I only see the kids once every two weeks ( try to show good values every time, but try to compete against a mother overcompensating with toys and junk food) and this tears me , What I’m I to do ? No education, not much money , can’t get a super job ! I know I screwed up , I know its only a matter of time before my kids see me as a looser , I know I’m so useless to change anything.",3.5083847402597392,5.131208653409093,4.3310389610389635,86.40227272727276,73.26136363636364,6.619480519480518,25.63961038961039,7.1686216300943375,1.0903519480519477,697,23,140,7,14,224,108,176,0.123,0.785,0.093,-0.8124,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,2,6,8,2,0,9,0,10,4,0,3,1,24,24,11,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,9,2,0,4,3,1,1,6,3,3,3,4,2,18,5,17,19,2,14,0,1,2,2,16,4,2,0,9,81,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389595781812254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696302458468672,0.0,0.10743251719083408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890916855091415,0.13355957141214211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142312927677198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274821171058056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266635797552638,0.0,0.0,0.11671942160989278,0.06596229667602606,0.0,0.0,0.10589553218907558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692502576451187,0.0,0.12664265796350574,0.0,0.12433436716711713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528721979121127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775427137096497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137174909142893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281092517833647,0.09361544691890644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445596679209107,0.0,0.1920431086719525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563977435863546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121555106700453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085847375488585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34287163590717096,0.0,0.24666284965642435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127302487859206,0.0,0.3405514548101369,0.1170383549217334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,annoyedafghan,2019/02/28,"i feel so dirty. i finally got myself to clean my place after i think 6 or 7 months and i feel so dirty, i shower maybe once or twice a week and i wonder how people can stand me. I feel like pure filth and crap, i live by myself and my place is like a garbage can, im not even done finishing, and i just feel like im not worth it. i barely manage to pay rent, the only foodi can afford is dollar noodles, and i have no friends, theres no one i can talk to with honestly and let it all out. this is the first time ive ever told anyone how i feel. i ran away from home when i was 18 but i cant kill myself cause everytime i remember my mom and i just cant bring myself to do it.",-0.05022408963585434,1.3603793137254918,2.5544957983193264,96.21308823529414,82.66013071895425,5.678618113912232,16.15732959850607,6.5431188927421005,-0.5370239028944912,517,8,131,5,14,180,92,153,0.084,0.799,0.117,0.7693,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,2,0,4,0,15,1,1,3,3,31,26,16,1,0,7,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,10,0,0,8,0,4,2,6,2,0,3,5,5,27,5,10,20,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,3,12,88,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707757000751024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387808419341072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573147919347283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671322495989454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114612893694164,0.13852198452775058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871555803322895,0.21880347165737285,0.0,0.16775506798247186,0.0,0.1302590069722813,0.0,0.0,0.11831395027751765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247835625508535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360978501650707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308303893493461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942438077571692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659386308829268,0.0,0.2244463063351244,0.0,0.13522355830137253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384758887520414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935324038680645,0.12223319899449532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308684992280767,0.10377019429231517,0.11646826239820858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061665277818504,0.0,0.3199929927201935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347537155382342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308643141260725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812457343830558,0.0,0.0,0.08929593239780298,0.0,0.0,0.14632981194655956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283797442134214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166071504140468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dksrymeg,2019/02/28,"I have suicide thoughts all the time It's making me crazy, I can't concentrate on anything else.",7.405789473684213,6.780306421052632,6.725263157894743,80.68684210526318,63.73684210526316,9.705263157894738,40.05263157894737,8.841846274778883,3.4691684210526335,78,4,15,1,1,24,18,19,0.34700000000000003,0.653,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121092647258465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183475765446429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33428264521588635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477853243065596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975730237640101,0.2920159267631054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mxtzo,2019/02/28,"My life is such a fucking joke. I've been rejected by girls a whole ton and I've been excluded from social gatherings all my life. I used to think it was just because I was ugly or I didn't know the other guests enough for people to invite me, but I finally think I found out why people hate me so much.

My friends are betraying me. One of them called be an annoyance and a burden on his life. Other friends have stopped talking to me after I acknowledged my depression. Only my cat has remained loyal to me throughout this process.

No one knows about my condition except for my doctor and a few ""friends"" because I don't think my parents know what mental health is.

I've talked about it with my doctor, and it felt good to talk about it with her. She suggested doing happy activities to take my mind off it in the meantime. I'm listening to a playlist of coping music right now, but it's not helping much.

Tonight is the first night I've ever wanted to harm myself in the many years that I've been suffering. I have my knife next to me. I want to use it. Tonight is the first time I've cried in years. Currently crying as I'm typing this.

My life is going nowhere. I hate myself and want to die.",2.6142328042328025,4.435767037037039,3.830676072898296,88.20851851851853,76.16049382716051,6.933098177542622,24.740152851263968,7.793537801064563,1.2719239271017049,942,32,194,14,21,307,138,243,0.221,0.68,0.099,-0.9892,2,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,8,16,4,0,11,0,18,8,0,2,2,32,39,10,1,3,6,1,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,13,8,0,1,9,1,0,1,4,9,0,4,8,2,34,7,31,30,7,23,0,3,0,1,19,7,1,1,15,133,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500058155288192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130682305266759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326453017820446,0.0,0.0,0.0953720255048233,0.0,0.11492078668075152,0.0,0.0,0.2266747368810068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441421635747492,0.0,0.0,0.10016208520789363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631865390188608,0.12129986060046805,0.0,0.18837462948474434,0.0,0.12141028818670982,0.2566503506872257,0.10236857166724928,0.0,0.0,0.06293070028658976,0.09287549772453713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787468629857464,0.0,0.21864690687986035,0.0,0.11770135351693617,0.0,0.0,0.07422032636244766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825637763657816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128489339623497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122633567069352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159030939736246,0.0,0.11180624879000148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627993304726414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776315297394335,0.1039130819963048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006771781650755,0.08421554211857,0.0,0.0,0.1229531266339412,0.0,0.0,0.1535331859150717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456325001986836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128758097275428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257566405560493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325556249875382,0.2670029672138136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285491799491574,0.0,0.0,0.0645678505115212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127121512126805,0.0,0.0,0.19593517014603426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991706171877847,0.12362665934827545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261363524283474
suicidewatch,oxCticketxo,2019/02/28,"Is it worth it It’s February 27, 2019 at 11:41 and I have to be up for work it 4 hours. I can never get sleep at night. I ont even see the point in living. Only being able to get 2-4 hours of sleep a day and then to work a full shit makes me more depressed. I always try to stay positive at work, because there are too many negative bitches at work that just bring me down even more. Then I come home to a fucking mess of a house with twins they are disrespectful and I have to feel like a shirt mom having to yell at them over and over about what needs to be done in their chore. They are 11 years only and know what clean is!!! I also live with a shit ton of people and not a whole lot of help with house keeping or cooking. I have asking others to cook because they are not sanatary when they cook and I end up finding hair in my food (nasty)! I’m to fucking nice to say anything or tell them to find a place. I just want my house back to myself. Then there is the husband. He has a sore back and pain pills don’t do shift for him. He lays in bed all day just watching TV.  If he would get up and do a light cleaning maybe he would feel better. Plus he’s a fucking night owl. I love him, but he just lays in the room watching TV with the fucking noise loud as hell. I need my own room. Sometimes I feel like I would be better off dead because I am not brave enough to tell people how I really feel. I really just want this to be done. I’m tired of being tired and being on all kinds of pills. I just want it all to end. I never have enough money to pay bills or get my kids what they need so what’s the point in me living. I better try and get to sleep. It is now midnight and I have to work a 10 hour shift.",1.1942741935483845,2.486934395161292,2.571182795698924,98.00177419354841,78.70430107526882,5.445161290322582,18.451612903225808,5.642373280135919,-0.5853741935483874,1313,24,326,6,31,425,172,372,0.116,0.802,0.08199999999999999,-0.9587,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,8,8,19,20,8,0,17,0,32,22,7,2,5,57,61,26,1,10,14,2,5,2,0,3,6,3,7,1,13,18,4,1,7,5,4,2,7,11,0,0,2,12,39,9,53,49,12,47,1,1,3,5,25,25,8,5,21,210,52,6,0.07577343026758494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059598480880135,0.06304956406557019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062355076795541524,0.0,0.07083792863898747,0.0,0.0,0.11653018132211107,0.0,0.1385723393627022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201046324227548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527210073748071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773518788621854,0.0,0.06526354445757589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550850542736252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342255369428506,0.1565884179621861,0.0,0.10009527211099796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325329232050636,0.1082651074468199,0.0,0.0,0.13851108502627912,0.0,0.09162553265377464,0.0,0.0,0.28020526114237504,0.1979424494090594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078933307300287,0.0,0.07600692874625445,0.0,0.2238646962551505,0.2622970949799102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735090640064575,0.0,0.07890636729408472,0.0416430956286672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403814112987904,0.0,0.20072798147962245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441986072999198,0.06838847920873074,0.0,0.050579353093941855,0.0768223651811739,0.07612459534504326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874492572868925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855511526529673,0.11688228141232734,0.0,0.0,0.14221646254638035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525821640007396,0.08062827222877172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506351156581856,0.0,0.07916710707710069,0.0,0.14326076747996686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708479943797386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025807307157938,0.0,0.0,0.06038161350417685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555606745524481,0.0,0.0,0.22748445879815346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494186005623653,0.0,0.0,0.0807643946895421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245863580600356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418082274139865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289037050619176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340793971811126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459832886856032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758197984600037,0.0,0.0,0.16148181244850912,0.0,0.0,0.04879560476282717
suicidewatch,Cant_getoutofmyhead,2019/02/28,"I'm a failed ""human"" being. There's absolutely nothing left of me to save...nothing. I'm a broken, piece of shit with c-ptsd and still, with every resource, has failed to recover into something that doesn't want to stop self-harming or off themselves. Please tell me I'm done. Every where I live, I look for the place to kill myself - where my roommates would find me, how to hide these dark thoughts, the shame of living in a house with unbroken people, and them not knowing that I would willingly subject them to my body. 

I just want a painless way for it to all end, because I don't believe there's a single resource...I mean, you can't work with nothing. There's nothing there to fix. Everything I've loved, everything I was, is gone. I want none of it back. Only to die, with the some semblance of ""life"" I have left. ",4.414551031790296,5.216894515337426,4.884796430563302,86.43380925822645,70.1042944785276,7.399665365309538,28.92861126603458,7.348242739294969,1.5370171779141095,638,23,130,6,11,203,100,163,0.188,0.7490000000000001,0.064,-0.9588,0,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,1,2,3,10,6,2,1,8,0,12,4,2,1,1,24,24,4,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,1,17,1,24,16,5,14,0,2,1,1,6,8,1,2,4,85,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006094521130174,0.0,0.07976009295402002,0.0,0.0,0.14741417303161974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533600985259024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357933798887428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389683397348662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588721117722475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048012319429705,0.0,0.2351847770330712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958725385960853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097414659651812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447573310394991,0.0,0.07190736319047024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28432051789121965,0.0,0.09241760208132377,0.0,0.0,0.231071836340763,0.0,0.10987435991731076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809004922104815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425253388644626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021858635902335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951126714101093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070939576149953,0.0,0.13670208315188415,0.14362526843613965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294734255648249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649678296964218,0.0,0.134307473475831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072859450556937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449062190006746,0.10938980388707152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436170977235978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387396430435278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23152207500214003,0.1038563208984321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525456320462583,0.0,0.0,0.18589286188731846,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,and_consequently,2019/02/28,"Can I make jokes in these Guess who's back, back again--

Can't seem to ever make up my mind. So many people want to believe in me, but I know I will never be a strong enough person to measure up to even the simplest of their expectations. I wish I could end it all before they get their hopes up, so that I'm not anymore of a burden on them.

I want to change so badly. But I've been wanting that with no action for my entire life. When will it be enough. When will everyone finally realize how useless I am and abandon me. When will I get the courage to recognize that it's either death or getting better.

I hate how weak I am. I just want everyone else to be happy, and I'd rather die than know how much of a disappointment I am to them for the rest of my life.",3.9109259259259295,3.895978981481484,5.150222222222221,86.992,70.91358024691358,8.208395061728394,26.69382716049382,7.908726449838941,1.30580049382716,593,17,135,7,10,198,96,162,0.223,0.622,0.154,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,5,2,16,13,1,0,6,0,14,3,0,5,3,33,31,14,2,9,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,22,6,22,22,6,17,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,4,10,102,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471721353097515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821965702628014,0.12390713754083713,0.0,0.0,0.12627679334195144,0.1671950860655571,0.0,0.13124703729407508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698668186366954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848468984385001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401494558302295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396849361220035,0.0,0.13143764841741135,0.3066720967577957,0.0,0.09801627532003873,0.134235576942493,0.0,0.2836035997823557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256407538792514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325973789925223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347845498810146,0.0,0.0,0.15797371320058695,0.0,0.1465134917608352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739389483171966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311264419329824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096374943628385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981152433600524,0.1504535016995504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498408931977683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909049071057256,0.0,0.11445461542120285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288132354848616,0.12957646178681567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350970627528484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35011878401277075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065176203248164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HistoryBuff1812,2019/02/28,"There's just no point. Hey so I'm 23 and pretty pathetic. I have one friend I see maybe once a week but I can tell he's sick of me, one friend who lives 4,000 miles and an ocean away. I'm gay and i've never had a boyfriend because i'm unlovable and fat and ugly. my day abused me my whole life and my mom didn't believe me until she divorced him and suddenly decided i was telling the truth. i in turn abused my sister and abused people i tried to get close to. i hate my job, ive been in school on and off for 7 years and only have an associates degree. basically nothing makes me happy aand i spend most of m time laying in bed just watching netfllix. so yeah basically i have nothing to live for at all so i might as well just stop living",-0.03503475670307665,2.149102358490566,1.9227408142999032,96.1825620655412,88.30817610062893,4.856802383316784,18.431314134392586,6.339386263674448,-0.19630314465408816,581,16,134,6,19,192,106,159,0.238,0.662,0.101,-0.9814,1,0,0,0,4,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,5,1,10,4,1,1,3,23,18,16,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,11,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,2,4,2,22,5,16,13,3,18,0,0,2,1,12,10,0,2,8,79,23,2,0.0,0.4857669602378212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839860402229264,0.0,0.0,0.08330798821496267,0.0,0.0,0.15397146285569466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813579158068004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116970158672627,0.0,0.07140034144671108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547941740765707,0.0,0.13492559611271246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561611288245026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965285297433694,0.0,0.0,0.3620255902243623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122305730384496,0.0,0.13729551484170022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497696205934246,0.0,0.16005707764070498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054022877208166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622620690137212,0.0,0.0,0.14554074709760875,0.18521164166106616,0.10393773581756474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474433884426048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918992041026248,0.0,0.0,0.13903455421437055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383094084912778,0.1089020529495441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114255690478128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889751421054586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968880826446262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927846402786869,0.1486491935675604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962214659061156,0.0,0.12287570010407382,0.0,0.0,0.1525784283530218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800595454804867
suicidewatch,idkitsathrow,2019/02/28,"I’m tired. When I just want to end it than “improving myself”

I just feel that I’m worthless, no direction in life. I wanna blame various people for what happened to me but I can’t make myself to do it.

I really really want to end it. I don’t think there is much to life for me.",-0.5492505854800953,1.4316083606557406,2.703653395784542,91.19983606557379,88.34426229508196,6.76440281030445,16.911007025761126,7.957251820313856,0.5508810304449638,214,5,50,5,7,77,37,61,0.129,0.79,0.081,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,9,12,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,10,0,10,12,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029951750229359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435748896024441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510982121340651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011280232035758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895404640688178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873772137965907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685687460156576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638144186091955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819452632789116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263615680589585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33496502174941584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yugikisp,2019/02/28,"This is the closest I’ve ever been to ending it The water is off in my house. Not my house, actually, but my grandparent’s house. I’ve lived here since I was 13, absentee/addict parents. This house is the one I grew up in, the one I raised my dog in, and the house with the backyard that I buried him in. A few weeks ago, I was told that my grandparents hadn’t made payments on anything in months. No warning, and now I’m simply waiting for eminent eviction and homelessness. In New England in the winter. For a little background, I’m 22 years old. I live in a decent town. I work as an uberEATs and sometimes UberX driver whenever I can find the motivation to work. I have been diagnosed with depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and schizoaffective disorder. If you don’t know what schizoaffective disorder is, it’s basically a combination of symptoms of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. 

Lately, my hope is gone. My car is crapping out, I have no money, I’m addicted to benzodiazepines, and I have absolutely only one reason not to end my life; to spare the feelings of those close to me. I do have a girlfriend that I share a lovely relationship with, siblings, family. They’re the only reason I’m here to type this now. To be real though, that reason isn’t hitting me as hard as it used to. I’m facing homelessness and my depression is so extreme that I can’t even bring myself to drive my shitbox car around and earn enough money to get my own place. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s all black, and I want it to end. I guess there really isn’t any reason for me to type this all out. Maybe so someone can find it one day and realize who typed it? Who knows. ",4.180298507462683,5.598353000000002,5.451522388059704,79.84474626865675,71.23880597014927,8.942089552238807,28.623880597014928,9.3871,2.5447038805970155,1345,51,259,30,25,449,171,335,0.14300000000000002,0.809,0.048,-0.9864,6,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,1,0,4,11,7,1,1,20,0,25,9,2,7,3,44,46,19,0,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,5,0,1,0,20,18,1,1,11,0,2,6,10,4,0,4,8,5,34,3,41,36,5,42,0,2,2,1,10,20,1,3,16,176,54,7,0.0,0.0,0.07762167475784518,0.17342539207448662,0.0,0.0,0.07050932616962231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540913968993739,0.0,0.0608495352262989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545642083259225,0.07080938694882576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051298113298853455,0.0,0.1370190929296435,0.0807336187708124,0.0,0.0,0.4558110369135629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818029800980085,0.08218831497273987,0.0,0.052536846968639986,0.07195043823638397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749852700458989,0.0,0.040218906429238026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454001877214809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04155749598909935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762465768400506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125415232311473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900331319060791,0.0,0.458904869619187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742858263745486,0.0,0.08972702189296801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618298045027785,0.0,0.0797221415063162,0.14047437037285368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178990557361865,0.07526471571231437,0.0,0.0,0.0799107916257466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634897938018437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682231447181041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346611723297988,0.0,0.21559930665622354,0.12099079505322112,0.0,0.09332558727666397,0.08832215628782157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310462825551544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053639288254964,0.050956744943935435,0.3271303557500954,0.0,0.08539851277935215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338480372720727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579809730490632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739581464509077,0.0,0.07866923082947752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267476112655067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814976903947428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600594326233757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869888801444571,0.0,0.0,0.046916027252783966,0.0,0.06380392341198877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158152806781544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122254360473874
suicidewatch,ExtensionConcert0,2019/02/28,"I hate myself. i'm a teenage guy. 

i'm reserved. i find it genuinely difficult to open up to most people. i don't think anyone in my life knows the full extent of what i feel. 

i love people. 

i want to love, and to feel loved. but i think i've lost the capability. 

i was in love once. 

  we met in the springtime and started flirting pretty quickly, and i started catching feelings early on. we'd stay up late every night talking. we never officially went on a date, our plans never fell through. she started seeing someone else without telling me.

 i was shattered. i stopped contact for awhile. eventually i decided i was okay to remain friends and we started talking regularly again. we quickly realized we still had feelings for each other. i was the better choice but she essentially didn't want to risk ruining reputation. i still don't know what it was that made me stay in what became such an emotionally toxic connection. maybe it was a long term lack of any meaningful connections in my life, or a deep emptiness that was forcing itself to be filled with anything it could muster. or maybe it was just love. i don't know which option i hate more. 

  she made me feel complete... i've never felt more rewarded talking to anyone else ever. i would plan my day around when i could see her. i wouldn't let her forget how beautiful she was for even a day.  she made me feel like less of a broken, neglected neurotic fuck. i failed math that semester because that was the class i had while she had a spare. it didn't fucking faze me. 

nothing did. 

not the fact that she had a boyfriend i was essentially helping her cheat on.

not the reality of how clearly destined this 'relationship' was to collapse in on itself like a dying star.

not any form of logic or comprehensible reason. i was fucking blind, man i can't explain it. i'm normally so intuitive. the tiniest social cues can make me lose sleep that night. why was this any different, why couldn't i access that part of my brain?

time went on. there came a time where every time we interacted i had a complete breakdown. pent up feelings of anger, regret, unfulfilled feelings would just spill out and i'd end up lying on my bathroom floor, staring at the ceiling and wondering why was i fucking like this. there was so much that had gone unsaid throughout our history. i wanted to tell her that she was making the wrong choice but held back because i didn't trust my instinct anymore. i told her that i can't do this anymore.

why did i fucking do this to myself? 

i've lost the ability to trust in anyone. it's been months and i haven't stopped thinking about it for one day. other girls have shown interest and i can't motivate myself to lift a finger. i fucking hate myself. i hate being alone yet possess no social skills or ability to be outgoing. i am ill equipped for this shit man. 

before i met her i was already strongly considering killing myself. i was drowning and what i thought was a life preserver turned out to be a cinder block tied around my ankle. how can i live with someone who is pathetic enough to let that happen to themselves? they say give it time, but i don't know how much time i have left in me. i have no job, no life, no more passion, everything just looks gray. 

i am not a person worth saving.

  i moved schools recently. it's a smaller, more supportive community. it was a combination of mental health issues and straight up painful memories. i've led a life full of self hatred, shallow connections, delusion, and all around self destructiveness. i found the one and fucked it up to the point of no return. even with this change of environment, i feel like it's getting worse and i'm gonna drown in myself. fuck this. 

i want out.",2.6169874476987482,5.156737119944213,3.723616178521616,85.39352468619248,79.47419804741979,6.501824267782428,26.43587168758717,7.699297019823105,1.6810191687587173,2933,121,554,48,75,947,319,717,0.232,0.6509999999999999,0.117,-0.9987,2,1,0,0,0,1,85.0,9,0,1,11,28,49,17,1,32,1,64,27,4,12,7,114,138,29,4,13,16,0,11,4,1,4,9,1,0,7,43,31,0,5,28,0,1,9,26,28,0,2,49,18,95,21,68,75,18,87,0,7,6,14,55,38,9,7,42,377,138,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548837400988135,0.05912223055748068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093001491435385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626560011778774,0.11238434090139857,0.054894741190658826,0.04408832069120505,0.14308146947409986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041196485261171666,0.0,0.06531862414117706,0.0,0.04558906207751138,0.0,0.0,0.04738344372181042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059808314426629726,0.0,0.061276445564548,0.0,0.0,0.05667609538868229,0.0,0.1123464196767748,0.0,0.0,0.08555183795170776,0.0,0.0,0.10365588163266157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560322470365056,0.055975310822802965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951141696539437,0.06026556696350671,0.04745225907659149,0.05535812593321143,0.0,0.0707726248333103,0.04846238084039788,0.09027984900814266,0.0,0.04815047690455157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380582068994144,0.07654912834819026,0.05144117242704527,0.0,0.048967313086221737,0.0,0.0,0.058743102360883086,0.041392532287409516,0.3962397305071142,0.027991145665859345,0.051394791857088507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304846787678673,0.04737690541588703,0.0,0.0,0.21158005344624625,0.0,0.05694857298276906,0.0,0.0,0.03591073123937015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055919218617873384,0.053165717325923886,0.0,0.059273687803371736,0.0,0.11777544020489275,0.0,0.060435839075304434,0.0,0.0582102664250511,0.10956977632288614,0.18921086945882876,0.10469772397901056,0.0,0.04730841536335357,0.047412899482411036,0.044990180881111334,0.05993761909344315,0.11696863501429708,0.0,0.24177126850671415,0.15208415985088392,0.07152452868821897,0.0,0.10764818983593832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399180798690698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042763694594807465,0.05694259953332845,0.07876875903243641,0.0,0.12396288572275856,0.0,0.0,0.10055452307232007,0.052492911453800806,0.051407427665255766,0.0,0.0,0.057056481380661765,0.07260870096282504,0.0,0.05700843147793287,0.0,0.0,0.05801737343095618,0.0,0.0742854315783497,0.0467803244273619,0.0,0.0,0.05064645080812852,0.0,0.0,0.05450585222350544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508484824210265,0.052899641761259414,0.057520361945811324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260562870485977,0.0,0.054221572636702436,0.08538595658388774,0.0,0.1117824933881864,0.0,0.05499479159569329,0.0,0.0,0.05361449453235928,0.10922756784327338,0.09078920758338392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168491569711867,0.11420935444211305,0.08557141053111512,0.08958354009311076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079718603416143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918660245316405,0.09365522606736942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298763327671136,0.0,0.04253320289108372,0.1562024070805096,0.0,0.0,0.0511939754475385,0.0,0.0,0.05827508868942205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264015862014947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933061176438564,0.19337531511723646,0.0,0.0,0.05164516197316453,0.05810067266817669,0.0,0.0,0.05459832008908119,0.07611742618671001,0.05857672981305294,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaOnMoPnLyEmToEuLsY,2019/02/28,"I desperately need help I don’t know how I made it this far and I just don't know what to do now; I've been dealing with this mental shitstorm for years, switching on and off and getting worse each time. It just goes away long enough for me to try and fix what I've done and comes back and makes everything harder when I almost get my life on track. I don’t have anything that can consistently make me feel better 

Its like the fucking stars are aligning with all this shit: im failing my classes at college (some beyond redemption), im not physically healthy, my fucking dog is gonna die soon and theres nothing I can do about it; the worst of it has been here since the beginning, I can’t find a way to find any meaning or happiness and theres no one to who I can talk to to make it any better, and I’m usually the person to tell my friends that it will get better and will be ok, but its just the same fluff and has no actual impact on me because I don't know whether or not to actually believe it.

I want to just not exist but im afraid to die, it just keeps me on edge when I think about it and I get existential crises; I feel like everything would be better if I didn’t have to go through this, or like have an outside force just completely fuck me up and I have some kind of release. I don’t know, its just fucking hard dealing with this. Ive written so many suicide note and done nothing with them, I haven't tried anything in a while because I thought it was getting better and I was moving on with my life, but I cant see any future where it gets better. Idk

I don’t need any it will get better lectures, I just want to know how to fix this and feel some kind of happiness or something",3.9032790867136233,4.2081730782122895,4.78546271556959,88.47652781151326,71.01117318435755,7.790332766577605,28.135049793538986,7.586124646067393,1.3651579791110031,1334,45,301,14,23,434,168,358,0.11,0.767,0.123,0.3817,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,8,23,24,5,1,8,1,36,7,1,6,1,74,74,31,3,6,20,0,4,3,1,5,2,0,0,1,26,23,0,1,13,0,0,3,15,8,0,1,10,5,35,16,37,57,8,29,0,1,1,4,9,13,5,9,15,201,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.1476464048155152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575225498568436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577758231980128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450652782452187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107539090338796,0.0581699558752504,0.0,0.09223071968485384,0.0,0.0,0.08523131535398112,0.0,0.4683421338322472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516552496024844,0.07931727954350358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559830543637474,0.0,0.0,0.1570249067136557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483183260602792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816637080703906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359781592605878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475229615465947,0.05404416651169994,0.0,0.0,0.13828492520646066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058446776744638475,0.2797477441764216,0.2766669507291131,0.0,0.04299347240537948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106104173611,0.06776727925225351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070640464590758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451439985896236,0.0,0.0,0.06724093636573272,0.0,0.15755505918541918,0.2078755055338414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686725197803733,0.11087587834534926,0.0,0.0,0.0669476110237248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715815828443066,0.1514903025615582,0.07669693022220214,0.0,0.08240470948532484,0.0,0.0,0.0762371126641605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040366747980103,0.0,0.11218659985808194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517587022243006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126219997155481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605440708152653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060283022876373576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765333814788371,0.0625782202012395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823884112978728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827485021090353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060804369731486674,0.06612117918904398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048473278285944624,0.0,0.06005741799869861,0.04411195309443117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272237191134773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833174656532572,0.0,0.08924031559110594,0.060047217007416574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709351538875242,0.0537393820680107,0.0,0.0,0.04871593167977392
suicidewatch,Tannerman1,2019/02/28,"why is life so hard i don’t know how much longer i can take it all, school, parents expectations, etc. it’s never good enough. i doubt they even love me at times. everything i want in life seems so distant that it doesn’t seem worth trying. i’ve fallen off mentally and physically over the past two years... i’ve forgotten what real happiness feels like. i’ve never had a girlfriend, i don’t know what love feels like, i don’t have genuine friends, i don’t know what a healthy friendly relationship is like.  god please help me i need it so much i don’t want to do something drastic but it’s coming to that point",2.120860215053764,4.286297000000005,3.0948387096774184,91.2789247311828,79.0,6.391397849462368,23.23655913978495,7.492282038375204,0.8760397849462369,484,16,104,7,12,154,77,124,0.054000000000000006,0.698,0.248,0.941,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,1,3,0,12,4,0,1,3,20,26,6,0,4,1,1,3,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,7,0,1,2,8,1,0,1,1,3,12,9,6,25,5,12,0,0,0,2,9,5,0,3,8,58,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752441864032432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296617345555522,0.16510511404241307,0.09777984192617206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304991955536133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497081968181998,0.21152138096054848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287525875164049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416996722081215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575926513715001,0.13261587157859664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922892169985446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440787794675559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913180993326727,0.2169764140755582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722599561688026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919074890050438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176546885198272,0.10977070264425634,0.2283570594182339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164382276034892,0.0,0.1413221135183343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625048241014208,0.13994682169283115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850333994930794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589408874361955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982563707061636,0.0,0.2695423672758767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139693781626526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130858751445856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632403678000147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005102833694709,0.0,0.14461477893960664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463711635833445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335841915509091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533370397575393
suicidewatch,highlan,2019/02/28,"Not sure what's going on # Not sure what's going on

Around December, my sister confessed that she tried to kill herself. The way she described it was, that she was numb. She wanted to hurt herself to find out whether she could still feel.

I used to be with her. But I moved away because bills were piling. I could barely take care of my self and it was very difficult to take care of me and 2 more people. Shortly after I moved out, she lost her job. And shortly after that her boyfriend went away overseas.

We've been always kind of hard on her, because it has always been so difficult for her to keep her stuff together. But it is until now that I realize that we, as a family, never gave her the tools to do so. In fact the reason why we were in a certain way is because of things our parents did or didn't do to us. And the reason of that can be traced to the parents of our parents and so on.

I now understand all that. And I now realize that we have the intelligence and that we can change all that. We write our own story.

Problem is, she no longer cares.

Shortly after all that, she got a new job. And she had a new bf already. She was unable to perform her job because of all the anxiety. She couldn't sleep. Eventually, with help of my parents, she quitted this new job and she moved with my parents until she gets better. I considered to rent a new place, find her a job and take her to live with me. At this point, she was prescribed fluoxetine and lorazepam. She told me that with this she was able to sleep.

She seemed to be fine. Or so mom told me. As mom says she would not do anything in the house. But she seemed better. My parents are probably delusional at this point.

Fast forward to now, she's been hospitalized. One day, mom told me that she was getting angry out of the blue, that she was not sleeping well. And that she wanted to go see a doctor. In her own words, she told me she just wanted her prescription. That she was asked a lot of questions and then considering her history, she was to stay there.

Yesterday she told me that the dose of the treatment has been increased. That a psychiatrist is looking her. And that she'll be there some more.

I talk to her, but she won't talk to me. She told to my brother once that she knew everyone wanted to talk to her, but she  didn't give a damn, and laughed about it. At some point we only used to get a conversation only whenever she needed money. I don't really care. I just want her to stay well.

I learned via my brother, that she broke up with her boyfriend recently. That might be the reason why she wanted to see a doctor.

She now told me she can't sleep well.

At this rate, she'd probably going to be hospitalized in a psychiatric center.

I have 0 experience with this kind of thing. I've been very dubious about psychiatry. I just want to know if there's anything else that I can do to help. Is there a better option?",2.490284716626377,4.3293202739726055,3.646087832393235,89.31739188826215,76.56849315068494,6.772172978780552,23.60851463873221,7.6542693500971675,0.99463816814397,2256,71,479,32,51,731,217,584,0.063,0.868,0.069,0.7501,12,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,10,0,0,6,23,26,2,0,26,0,54,8,4,5,9,97,101,33,1,14,16,12,2,0,1,4,4,1,1,1,39,32,0,1,16,0,3,10,12,9,3,1,33,7,101,17,77,54,12,63,1,3,4,0,104,29,1,12,22,358,140,8,0.053071627345779006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058565860485682526,0.0,0.08831969086222571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040599649656088935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734685461972776,0.04724500017614384,0.04961480742522878,0.0,0.09972508180500116,0.0,0.0,0.1294078857478046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408126247018744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644024447027954,0.0,0.0561427446851769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474675191596731,0.0,0.0,0.03422680913184164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864211885161616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044334534644919085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050712214263516735,0.0,0.05191423519103212,0.050031207007723365,0.0,0.026834609410005254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701301184089164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318320451258987,0.05091114088915388,0.12064731542695335,0.0,0.04244622857384365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754175377184736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114558621596813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061237532423944516,0.056814274727161315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633270052712279,0.047172500878907835,0.05871589244233845,0.11053186599715747,0.029166778446279563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468632192636094,0.0,0.044566800539554384,0.0,0.057933950519575526,0.04511959971002752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630060977414636,0.0,0.1864705455647023,0.0,0.1692202226733669,0.0,0.0393519392087468,0.040932110771109836,0.2050276336031828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056519551052712676,0.03596270819401115,0.08072672819116967,0.0,0.0,0.35357856938300164,0.0,0.0,0.036793184060490994,0.0,0.05544855485626126,0.0,0.1505095263230998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444038103068505,0.050782379890078784,0.0,0.0,0.05945236863977725,0.05644820839797233,0.0,0.0,0.03399904345439146,0.1636994159355402,0.05240182939512762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042204688204509705,0.0,0.0,0.08458243157566017,0.09662883260934477,0.05536528181349134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243982016136864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313458669177927,0.04238307015375492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075431603532034,0.0,0.0,0.10003876139297194,0.0,0.11970977675552773,0.12797089122906966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051686199213701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549854998446171,0.0,0.036032151254670776,0.0,0.0,0.055249435738420206,0.0638386331598491,0.09167369232243287,0.0,0.08757930134143377,0.21912114592893725,0.08425157501232729,0.0,0.0,0.1431532998902158,0.049197930251419095,0.09577777783198002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377005613670647,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KyleMasonFTW,2019/02/28,Custody battle I've fought for custody of my daughter in Wisconsin for over a year against my drug addict/dealing ex wife. I gave the police all I had on her and nothing has been done. I'm done. Can't do it anymore. I'm going to leave some items in a lock box to be given to my daughter when she turns 18 and hopefully she'll understand then,0.7979166666666693,3.0428262916666715,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,84.69444444444446,5.266666666666668,24.277777777777786,6.6274283507984215,0.8288277777777777,271,11,57,3,8,90,55,72,0.091,0.868,0.04,-0.34,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,1,6,18,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,0,8,1,11,9,3,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,3,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941118553785305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675600339248784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5521794296052623,0.0,0.0,0.3128717397262437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533283606476397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679631943811433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28566956150038786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25887160237858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934549786466055,0.0,0.2808617955070237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373646565350556
suicidewatch,literal-_-throwaway,2019/02/28,"I Can Never Escape Myself The memories never fade, my body remembers it and so do I. All of it. Every blow, every threat, every word, every bit of it. Seared into my soul, engraved in my consciousness, woven into the fabric of my being. 

I just want to burn it all, get rid of it all, even if I have to get rid of myself in the process. ",2.8765217391304314,3.7850743333333376,5.1833043478260885,82.4801739130435,73.78260869565217,7.259130434782609,21.046376811594204,7.554174236665415,0.7965628985507247,255,5,51,3,5,90,42,69,0.071,0.91,0.019,-0.56,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,5,14,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,11,6,4,7,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24836424175393496,0.2526942583492136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025746853725402,0.0,0.7666931446354577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23771217750454204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509143908895088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257706058127915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341817009504982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moistdongles,2019/02/28,"I’m on the ledge I don’t know if anyone will read this, but here goes. So I’m not really sure what to say. I just know I needed to say something. I’ve been having these suicidal thoughts again. A lot more often now. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. I’m not really sure why. I just can’t seem to cope with them or stick to my antidepressants. They just don’t seem to work. I’ve been hospitalized three times in the past year for being a threat to myself. I just honestly don’t think I can take it anymore. I am hopeless and just don’t see things getting better for me. I don’t need to hear “It’ll get better” or “You deserve to live.” I need brutally honest truth from someone who has been in my shoes. The only reason why I’m still here is because I have pets to take care of and a family to not disappoint (although it seems I’m already a disappointment to them). My life is a train wreck. It’s one bad thing after the next. This is me reaching out for help. ",0.995634146341466,2.9103286975609737,2.9128658536585377,92.4351524390244,81.53658536585365,6.246341463414635,19.51829268292683,7.365786028017652,0.3355804878048776,753,19,172,11,20,252,119,205,0.172,0.687,0.141,-0.872,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,3,3,13,14,2,0,10,0,20,2,1,1,3,33,42,8,1,4,12,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,12,4,0,0,8,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,4,4,21,8,24,35,2,15,0,3,1,0,9,5,0,8,10,113,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710583467012475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220314638544142,0.09321024210500488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250363175875396,0.11130444909313568,0.08126174057700726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357956042089772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359137497296317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405579048396386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566847657304028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929314938637002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024488529577926,0.0,0.08935180629638231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652233408326593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415755331943984,0.0,0.0,0.11771111920719846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333149244768867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346004628950797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965328169952821,0.0,0.0,0.14177181574214806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033119571719536,0.1013847711983456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272550975680317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334148423390998,0.0,0.17079771811998878,0.13706016335857546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201962487461656,0.0,0.0,0.1062271525781476,0.3640687157069721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294924121315172,0.10262501725163277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645787254120134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581448208355746,0.0,0.2512775424460168,0.0,0.20045815635887151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712438194615585,0.08541672402533318,0.0,0.1058296050992778,0.07773145652453248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405747962034574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704792606463873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584431338399508
suicidewatch,wvfreako611,2019/03/01,"Hey howdy folk. I'm thinkin bout ending it sooner than later. So I been livin out here at school for a couple month (freshman year, I moved out not too long ago) and to be honest all the work that I've done to get this far in the first place is starting to feel like nothin. I've tried therapy, I've tried reachin out before, but it always gets shadowed by the fact that I just can't see myself as being a happy person in the future. Honest I feel really bad for everyone that tried to help me but I don't see a way that I can see past the trauma that happened when I was younger. Anytime I try to lift myself out of it I just end up fallin again. There really ain't much stoppin me now from drivin back home to actually do it. I already had a really hard time with this in high school and I said to myself, if I relapse like this again I'm actually gonna do it. I'm smokin again and I've stopped goin to class as of last week and I'm plannin on goin out and doin it sometime this weekend. Is there a better way I could execute this? Like just at school? I ain't got no weapons here and I gotta find a place where no one see me do it.",1.9881964056482675,3.067122077235773,3.561912708600772,92.58610397946087,76.1951219512195,6.479760376551133,21.48395378690629,6.8360192770164,0.2613853658536591,885,21,208,8,19,294,135,246,0.054000000000000006,0.799,0.147,0.971,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,16,10,1,0,11,0,17,0,0,0,2,26,35,13,0,2,7,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,17,12,0,1,3,1,0,1,7,3,0,2,6,8,21,7,30,24,2,42,0,0,4,0,4,17,0,1,25,128,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.22090168481220787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033041025225267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490088965087948,0.0,0.09417780146062583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703118287472379,0.09450355755778182,0.0,0.0,0.0963108860768426,0.0,0.0,0.10010167444245173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036787491506566,0.12523547310239455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582609386246015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004941058117904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815175641836117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144580327497414,0.0808583686925744,0.0,0.0,0.10344773718129599,0.09627389119114496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826749305793335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052324455292034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008786169859983,0.12048602037269958,0.1013902518023865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586456460654363,0.11958466134106605,0.11353235428642057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225972014668583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588733306526993,0.0,0.0,0.10016390231629324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903420498395614,0.12029622823231895,0.08320295079430344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669611972635595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804652945614636,0.0,0.09882753211507464,0.23650549224306897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752488939032352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766349873260224,0.0,0.0,0.34364346186209754,0.36077062182727626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119414499063979,0.0,0.08011191703419084,0.0,0.0,0.09462653683901837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294352822148284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599825286022105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073768718104055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967970736296182,0.09078903684639246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239899070915534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288651151854947
suicidewatch,furryfrog02,2019/03/01,"Not sure why I am not sure why I am posting here. i am married, have kids, and a job. Everything should be great, right? Well it isnt. I have suffered from depression for at least 2 decades but I put on a facade of being together. 

It managed to get me pretty far...until it didn’t. I tried my best to hide it from my spouse. I didn’t want her to think I was weak. Finally, I couldnt take it anymore but instead of reaching out to her for help, I reached out online. To an annonymous person. We connected. We understood how eachother felt. I ended up in an emotional affair. I felt it to be a close friendship but it wasnt.  It wasnt what I meant to do or anything. I still loved my wife, and still do. But I shared things with this stranger that I didnt share with my wife. Finally, my wife found our messages and was understandibly upset. We fought, talked, came to an understaning. Or so I thought. 

I have been on anti depressants for awhile now and have been talking with a therapist about how to beat deal with life as a whole. I thought my wife and I were at an understanding until today when She started becoming upset about the things that have happened. Things were not fixed or mending as I thought they were. Not even close.

She has been upstairs and We have been texting but all that has been happening is that I feel worse and worse. I started cutting myself again to relieve the tensions. 

I am having a hard time finding a reason to be around. I feel like I would do my kids a better service if I wasnt around to fuck them up. I never meant to hurt anyone. 

Im not even sure why i am typing this. ",1.7780019230769248,3.918890280000003,2.9666298076923105,91.8827139423077,80.04615384615386,6.0317307692307685,24.00240384615385,7.1686216300943375,0.8952173076923078,1251,45,266,16,32,402,164,325,0.13699999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9103,1,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,5,0,2,3,17,23,3,3,14,0,42,4,0,3,5,63,67,23,0,5,14,5,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,18,22,0,0,16,0,0,2,14,11,1,0,27,5,49,12,40,33,4,31,0,4,0,2,29,14,1,4,15,202,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141519813564176,0.07150310283682622,0.0,0.08415189437428941,0.18206751837120846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293897798592392,0.0,0.0,0.10731636127958392,0.0904413343183494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695906974765738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054263559055886,0.1761540898327739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502959391536455,0.09057268299246712,0.0,0.0,0.1350845384036594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190537954310854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341222824690254,0.07305510917867486,0.19637273730109964,0.22404333375343036,0.0934644843355648,0.0,0.0,0.1121236478865757,0.0,0.09453842714399206,0.05342702776063395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274285169316026,0.0,0.0,0.18085770915442206,0.0,0.09160555715931612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854323355440947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094722612876347,0.0,0.11045917155915287,0.0,0.1014780277089794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222980077961147,0.049959443177815165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922943307032041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886980423332124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929015345308107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793754301082913,0.10403595889303284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280031094715164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514109537898307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733013245082286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447613880932333,0.0,0.16333115409201435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891386754128671,0.0,0.07688736690792994,0.16438665469334654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873262703609867,0.20381252013492887,0.06552456751574362,0.0,0.24355086841432164,0.059629072986084386,0.0,0.0969312458341273,0.0,0.0,0.0694283451799681,0.0,0.0,0.21291412041063004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031604722071397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194470653151313,0.0,0.27682329759704616,0.11417048941390308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842490678337616,0.07264311169130759,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idrinkatonofwater,2019/03/01,"How do I tell someone that I’m going to kill myself? I’m a senior in high school and I have exhausted all other options to attempt to talk about my suicidal thoughts. I hate it when you call the suicide hotlines and they ask if I want to hurt someone/myself or if I have a plan. I want to tell someone I have a plan and I want to hurt myself.  Because that is the reason I am calling. It’s already hard enough to talk about wanting to die so why do I have hide most of my thoughts? I have gone to the school and school counselors several times, but if I express that I’m going to kill myself then I will be thrown into a mental hospital against my will, and that cannot happen right now because I have college scholarships I need to maintain.

I get that that policy saves hundreds of lives but it’s suffocating and I need actual help and coping mechanisms against these thoughts, not punished for feeling the way I do.

Can anyone help me find somewhere where I can talk about my suicidal thoughts in depth?",3.204600526777873,5.06992828358209,4.050032191981272,87.08486391571556,74.62189054726367,6.719461515949664,28.738952297336844,7.5105763829236425,1.7043319285923315,799,34,157,10,17,256,103,201,0.181,0.7509999999999999,0.068,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,5,13.0,0,1,1,3,8,8,4,0,8,0,17,1,0,2,1,33,38,17,6,9,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,7,0,1,3,2,7,0,0,5,2,29,1,22,30,3,16,0,2,0,0,13,7,0,6,5,110,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.10574460374590602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957894386248233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576845835569272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130281059047537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211159348527168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129718162121967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246150259751207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196577278768004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054790525155779465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903989628640662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661409599507826,0.0,0.12316798932823468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958231829158832,0.0,0.09707007902321338,0.10698395127731036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526404956113406,0.11448923658820878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320051617733077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977055397023986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568465688143199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920229692658928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069646345153368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111413049093465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092539613545126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290010371389496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224169693526779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362767193598484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35558769928819983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26128915192928404,0.18942439949808415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34410579119538554,0.06318611016986232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556562571809932,0.08601183586457975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777885464043967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cuttincheese,2019/03/01,"My family would be better without me I'm a father of three with good life insurance, three beautiful children, and a wife who is always having to take care of me. I know for a fact that my family would be better without me and my kids could use a better roll model. I've struggled with addiction and due to my job I can not get help. ",5.0793478260869565,4.8103821159420335,6.528804347826089,78.97842391304351,68.42028985507247,9.798550724637682,27.39492753623189,9.516144504307137,2.2154318840579714,262,7,53,5,4,90,46,69,0.061,0.6940000000000001,0.245,0.933,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,0,6,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,1,1,14,14,3,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,9,5,9,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586720988759348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476558814116585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5253884994434164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018910156354267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810005997722468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733446604064447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345544676904878,0.0,0.0,0.16608684271978594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327262838228032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650081866634994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882468808413186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986490776116173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070098364873542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888376216609667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102267552249995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817616734359268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813304759676552,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tuilon,2019/03/01,"tired I'm fifteen. I go to school every day. I'm a happy person. I love making my friends smile. I love making my teachers smile. People have told me my happiness is contagious. I always ask my friends how they're doing more than once throughout the day. No one ever really does the same for me.

I go to therapy. I have a psychiatrist. My doctor knows about my history with suicide and drug abuse. Yet it seems like all of the people I go to for my mental health have bigger worries. There's always someone else who has it ""worse"", and I don't understand that. I just want to scream and cry and shout at them. Why can't they see how much I'm suffering? Just because someone can't contain it as well as I can, how does that make them any more at risk than me?

I frequently self harm. I'm addicted to nicotine and I have been addicted to worse in the past. I haven't gone a single day in years without thinking of killing myself. I've attempted to kill myself some 30 odd times in 2018, and so far two times in 2019. My parents don't understand, and I don't mean that in an ""edgy teenager"" way, I mean my parents have walked in on me attempting suicide and have done nothing. They brush my actions under the rug with ""she wants attention"" or ""she's just being a typical teenager"".

Nobody understands. Seriously. No one understands. I've tried to talk to people, I've tried to talk to my friends, but every time I do, they look at me differently and treat me differently. I've tried to talk to my social worker. She doesn't understand because on the outside, I'm ""happy and carefree"".

I'm just so tired. Nobody sees how bad it is. When I'm finally dead, I know everyone is going to think that they could have done more. And the truth is they fucking could have.

I'm exhausted.",2.107905569007261,4.344840742937855,3.621238095238095,87.11476271186443,79.42372881355931,6.870573042776432,24.521065375302662,7.957251820313856,1.4739899273607753,1389,51,279,25,35,458,170,354,0.145,0.7509999999999999,0.105,-0.928,4,0,1,0,1,4,53.0,0,0,7,3,16,22,3,1,12,0,29,11,0,7,3,50,67,22,5,4,7,2,0,1,3,0,8,2,1,2,9,13,0,1,13,0,0,7,10,10,1,3,5,6,47,12,38,59,8,35,0,1,3,3,26,14,1,3,14,176,56,3,0.0,0.08993302783495485,0.0,0.16549165510790803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631529309387982,0.0,0.0,0.051616863556701004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095936229544274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337610554816528,0.09253992432102426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120525674980792,0.0,0.0833762379159173,0.1468540951043782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860563799360672,0.0,0.07769026901650654,0.13284702170332913,0.1553509082527553,0.0,0.0,0.08802375881303275,0.0,0.06340748799256607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865890263845749,0.12790364930023565,0.07252887941068954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831483819624959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759281608743054,0.07017140049302525,0.0,0.0,0.17255043422783706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424015013260151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068168463906056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679515652900644,0.0,0.08342896430181672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708253036936415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373967591430976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701142781116873,0.0,0.15199817568720386,0.0,0.0,0.16536194459990214,0.0,0.0,0.07649269853364686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579767712167327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283128706751675,0.0,0.0,0.08083456347118369,0.1028681142705194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856331880735273,0.0,0.07245831196078416,0.15786542445131246,0.06627585530375535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048625613347677725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681821676957543,0.12097024492238248,0.06909953597668901,0.07918372144673709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737388068783588,0.12862528121800554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605183498542658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830246514143832,0.0,0.0,0.0868020667083135,0.0,0.0,0.09727157110994353,0.0,0.0,0.13277951689934386,0.17447941157080482,0.0,0.07252887941068954,0.0,0.1546001249133692,0.0,0.07414651893941873,0.3950901888604139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953949486031654,0.060248526050122375,0.0,0.0,0.0682462044286983,0.0,0.06849094443502776,0.0,0.0,0.07316809628772995,0.0,0.0,0.07708351055559316,0.15470394471807325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048879252447325314
suicidewatch,FluffyWoofl,2019/03/01,"Small tip that helped me through alot Get rid of social media with ""stories"". In my time of hardship, i realised social media played quite the big cause. I would always browse on what my ""friends"" are doing and would compare my own life to their exciting moments when they are out clubbing and all. Once I got rid of Snapchat,Twitter and Instagram, I was more focused on myself and my hobbies I used to enjoy became a little better without comparison to them. I hope this helps someone out there dealing with a time of hardship.",5.755714285714286,7.285180285714286,5.402653061224491,81.26377551020407,67.57142857142857,6.824489795918367,33.38775510204081,6.868970318607317,2.203657142857144,420,19,71,3,7,129,71,98,0.044,0.763,0.193,0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,2,2,6,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,1,16,10,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,15,6,16,6,4,12,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,4,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910615469459998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903721015973598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112216851528255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191442760952426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630246227467832,0.0,0.11245981313246503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215596447248718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885565437613006,0.0,0.0,0.21379290611233787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203821434093376,0.0,0.21573814598146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292353914577865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894603563166196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388427688956851,0.18238155453074545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510292893447531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590783502786648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749437461511144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058164044897376,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unclejohnsburner,2019/03/01,"28, still in undergrad, thinking of killing myself supposed to finish in summer, but haven't been to classes in weeks. I'm so far behind that it'll probably be another wasted semester. parents pay for everything, it'll be another tens of thousands wasted for them. just a burden at this point. thinking of making it easier for everyone and my dad can finally retire. probably wont answer anything but ill stick around for awhile to see if anything has anything to say. peace",4.7423275862068985,7.363387873563219,5.740905172413798,73.27273706896555,72.5632183908046,8.947701149425287,32.71408045977012,9.516144504307137,3.819966666666668,383,19,58,10,8,126,66,87,0.201,0.716,0.083,-0.9001,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,10,14,5,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,2,3,0,17,8,0,12,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,5,42,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047802017608885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47649773791902705,0.17182176209950656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844314103553544,0.1734669028368328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143540998716545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353938120592755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883712961975582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431718561225555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245889814922245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161995523488256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349103331829014,0.0,0.0,0.15380571893117806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413977711619015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473488242621874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482272932870902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CivilLie,2019/03/01,"How do you go on when you arnt ok? I have been in individual therapy and group therapy since last August and my depression and suicidal ideation is worse than it has ever been since I brought a knife to school with the intention to kill myself 8 years ago. I can’t help but feel that I should just disappear. Like I’m somehow burdening everyone just by being in proximity to them. I have had intrusive thoughts of suicide ranging from drinking household cleaner to jumping off the top of the school parking garage. And it feels like every day I’m inching closer to taking it from a thought to an action. Today I stood at the top of the parking garage and actually leaned over the edge. 

  I have seen my therapist 2 times in the last two days and I have another meeting on Tuesday. But I’m not sure I can live that long. I feel like I should check myself into a hospital. But if I missed even two days of work or school my life would be so totally fucked since I would lose my job and not be able to afford rent, and I would mis two midterms and have to drop out of the graduate program I finally made it into. 

  I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want anyone to have to deal with the mess of me killing myself. But the idea of living even two more days just feels so impossible. ",5.0891279069767466,5.4051373992248095,5.791773255813954,82.25882267441864,68.4186046511628,9.395736434108526,30.85368217054264,9.354420925462401,2.4947821705426363,1011,38,210,19,16,330,144,258,0.17800000000000002,0.746,0.076,-0.9865,3,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,0,2,1,4,12,13,3,0,14,1,25,3,0,3,3,47,44,19,4,7,12,0,4,3,0,5,1,1,1,0,7,14,1,0,8,1,2,5,5,8,0,4,9,6,28,5,35,27,2,37,0,3,1,1,7,15,1,3,19,144,35,8,0.1001014063442645,0.0,0.0976845327905391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873385695094338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496505255436504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999323078953626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582285036372873,0.10320015450293413,0.08621719460428742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806126921397078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223206962307793,0.09054745295205507,0.08433975218329699,0.09565118351347177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245711503355304,0.14302492938709854,0.0,0.10965619773205493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254213715270017,0.0,0.0,0.05688993606325996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670958626254745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300230337761742,0.0,0.0,0.0993351998962961,0.0,0.22149474972540534,0.0,0.055013115048871325,0.1631920130546118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070458365123967,0.1467134724674034,0.0,0.17678275148953118,0.08858659460711885,0.0,0.11198786875112976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947183710336924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30392390213827203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484147532420995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189893828498731,0.0,0.09434439082798596,0.0,0.07526379979715805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289493641574677,0.11622544808091102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893867040350707,0.058369935033526436,0.0,0.0948844286641378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.391138114780479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059042402999855435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728750160206201,0.0,0.10201188496720036,0.2133275010519293,0.0,0.0,0.06446202373218188
suicidewatch,Defender606,2019/03/01,"It’s never going away. I’ve attempted suicide before it was february 19th of 2018 and when this happened i was diagnosed with PTSD and anorexia (also have had depression anxiety and adhd diagnosed before this) and i got a lot better with the anorexia and i hadn’t really had much trouble with it for a whole year but when i was diagnosed they told me that it’s a lifelong condition and that i’ll never be fully cured of it and i just kinda said okay and went on

As the year went by sometimes the thoughts would come and go but i was able to stay strong but recently they’ve been so strong and they keep getting stronger and i’ve been fighting them but it’s so tiring and i feel like i’m constantly at war with myself and i never win if i eat i lose to the side of my brain that doesn’t want me to eat and i feel regret and shame and hate but if i don’t eat i feel guilt and hunger and hate anyways and i don’t want to be like this but i can’t seem to be happy at all no matter how hard i try my brain always points out how i’m annoying or too loud or too quiet or too chubby and not curvy enough and i just want it to go away ",0.6182448979591797,2.5875433142857176,2.5846530612244902,93.98677551020408,83.20408163265307,5.879183673469387,19.187755102040814,7.087006719466742,0.20613142857142908,892,23,204,12,25,298,122,245,0.206,0.672,0.123,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,2,1,3.0,0,0,3,6,13,19,5,2,7,1,18,10,2,2,4,61,42,40,2,7,14,0,4,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,13,27,4,1,5,0,0,6,10,11,0,0,15,7,25,8,22,23,5,24,0,3,0,0,6,8,0,8,11,140,38,0,0.10922351435511353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126543890922546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734600496841545,0.09088271365676083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355568952375643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523817430971852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185882332048494,0.0,0.0,0.09659932249235133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438591288105393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408638630602496,0.0,0.1180318166535288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940740528672759,0.3325787038005753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33528876859659795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285708761461395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656800719720545,0.0780293004791832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057064778216238475,0.0,0.18622272079466126,0.0,0.08735602218770802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658599302803136,0.11627046203401507,0.09784281517758353,0.2156712156233076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708287807616632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067221840421902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219317427040755,0.0,0.092857926034882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802918504696424,0.0,0.2527197230602157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325152522537012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276764433417558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997138012381306,0.0,0.10784504360272168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389657408482783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994329853205834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802484853523772,0.0,0.0,0.11641773365154015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947279701076367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671127001301505,0.0,0.12553636232316104,0.0,0.10436774863718873,0.0,0.07415559662734117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326857595096933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025025841415104,0.0,0.12194415318091573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758925082215204,0.0,0.0,0.1406727244222189
suicidewatch,NollinVoid,2019/03/01,"Passively Suicidal Currently, I have no activate plans to off myself. However, I am extremely disappointed every morning when I wake up and realize I have to get through another day of pretending, faking, and feeling empty and numb. I think about dying a lot. When I leave the house, I think about ways I could randomly die w/o having to take my own life like getting into a car accident or walking out in front of traffic.

I haven't been to the doctors in about 11 years because I have given up and am so beyond caring. I am pretty sure I have high blood pressure. At this point, I am literally just waiting for it to kill me. ",5.400681818181816,6.29694810743802,6.789741735537191,73.3227944214876,67.92561983471074,10.347520661157027,34.13326446280992,10.411451182825502,3.8200157024793375,495,23,88,13,8,169,86,121,0.251,0.643,0.106,-0.9613,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,1,4,0,12,5,2,0,1,17,21,8,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,4,1,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,1,16,3,21,18,2,20,0,1,0,0,0,11,0,3,6,67,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186142119471366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231645369765117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599797561963665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131620418148274,0.0,0.0,0.13030207779214056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41938087429547305,0.0,0.0,0.20680124997302896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023132295874022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021598405330538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111997018959452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347125473515802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331323870410178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223532458289806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393610037070254,0.0,0.0,0.14271010410416088,0.09870880522910758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171771127384959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099749100056346,0.0,0.0,0.2055520348104272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100404252690475,0.0,0.19042468170264734,0.0,0.15191242419739254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25892409367385194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037363049355244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011012359484098
suicidewatch,TossawayLlama,2019/03/01,"I messed up and shits about to hit the fan. I ruined my established life.  Not with drugs or alcohol, but with a click of a button.

Drugs and alcohol are dangerous and I empathize with them as I struggled awhile back in private.  Destroying your life, career and reputation in an entire community as well as your very close family's for soberly messing up seems insurmountable and somehow feels like it could be worse.

My mistake will cost close ones around me to suffer.  Legacies are being tarnished all because I clicked a button and I accidentally sent someone information they shouldn't have received. It was actually password protected but the fact that the unintended recipient now knows what's generally going on, will ruin me.  I know that seems ridiculous, but it is true. To muddy the waters even more, the information was not bad information just extremely and highly confidential. Not from a legal standpoint but personal.

I wrote a longer post(I know this is still long), but deleted it as I feel I went into too much detail.  All I know is that everything I worked for is gone.  Everything a few other people, who I love, their work is gone. No digging out of this one. This is definitely me cowering into a corner, but I will never live this down.  People can forgive a lot of things, but this is not one of them.  I'm done for.",5.130000000000003,7.273080414634148,5.947650406504064,74.32854878048781,70.0569105691057,8.985040650406502,29.77967479674797,9.516144504307137,2.9958689430894307,1066,43,182,25,20,349,151,246,0.168,0.72,0.113,-0.9323,1,0,4,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,4,2,10,17,4,1,14,0,21,9,1,0,5,53,38,19,0,3,13,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,0,1,16,16,3,1,12,0,1,6,7,12,1,3,8,4,25,5,29,22,6,25,0,3,2,1,16,14,1,5,6,143,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.13234652145429973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28987518398840983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207314333042192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042841689624467,0.11323786071130433,0.08267329595169608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828232393422893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878735808979825,0.0,0.0,0.3145545802646503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957638399542045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437747995880284,0.0,0.12785139823181926,0.0,0.1371480937305504,0.09688766145924912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707653329186204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329102072023606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981349944804554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158623028235255,0.06625756462106144,0.0,0.11975581775534362,0.1200203072975122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530011478029105,0.12240323734113707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969703148004946,0.0,0.10459926729047823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757008756213368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804503464440864,0.11841901622852995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988741811577129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469285091744044,0.0,0.0,0.13921299602287268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491122365863428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830709680216907,0.0,0.0,0.14178050391204494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010055866954388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119015190952683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193955630957615,0.1257220152970616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974673900920688,0.0,0.13820937395846075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rafikiknowsbest,2019/03/01,"I need help I’ve been trying my hardest to keep these feelings away. I don’t know what to do. It starts with an anxiety attack, then feeing completely and utterly lost. Hopeless. Then there’s the numbness. Feeling nothing at all. I cut myself... and then I feel pathetic. I’m constantly fighting the urge to end everything. I’m scared.",1.245541125541127,3.7658695714285737,2.751572871572872,85.53610389610391,99.31746031746029,6.100432900432901,26.36219336219337,7.348242739294969,2.2141873015873017,265,13,46,6,11,86,49,63,0.311,0.604,0.085,-0.9444,0,0,0,0,2,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,13,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,2,3,6,0,6,11,1,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969302106720157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928592758154082,0.24186023199091244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699062979105669,0.27818608944602696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800305718160085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313579195728021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904870112804808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254724364097312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22881208618055016,0.0,0.0,0.14147461548817605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810109244174496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190878141668117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470072215234614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25772836741080896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220747115250235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477537854773226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,penisspoop,2019/03/01,"The time has come for me to take my leave. warning, here's all my bullshit. 

i've always had issues, after my best friend and sister ran away when i was in second grade (my father sexually abused her)  and i never saw her again. i would practically beg people to be my friend. i was fucking lost. i was bullied. and i tried so hard. i wanted everyone to love me. 

when i was in middle school i started picking up my personality from tv shows. i used to act just like sam off of icarly because people liked that show. i wanted them to like me too.  i started getting sexual with men much older than me and woman my age. i wanted to feel love. i wanted attention. and my body got it for me. i was so attached to ever person i was with. i started cutting myself at the age of 13 because my boyfriend broke up with me. i would send him pictures of the cuts just to try to get him to stay. 

my anxiety was so bad i stopped eating at school because i couldn't stand in line to get the food. i stopped going to lunch. instead i did drugs in the bathroom. i ended up weighing 108 pounds by the time i was 17, i'm almost 6 feet tall. you could see all my bones and i felt beautiful for it. 

i kept this behavior up in high school. i got raped twice because of it. the first time i was 15 and got so drunk i pissed myself and a senior who was completely sober decided to have sex with me. the second time i was 17 and i was raped while i was asleep, i had alcohol poisoning that night and did not wake up when he decided to do what he did. 

when i was 17 i was fucking a 30 year old. i thought it was awesome. 

i got addicted to acid, it took away my anxiety.  i had a girlfriend, a boyfriend. and about 2 fuck buddies at any given time. i was drunk or high all the time. but i felt better 

i'm 21 now. i have a child with a man who choked me out, smacked me,  and kicked me in the head 4 months after our child was born. (this was a month ago) 

i stay with him. i tell him i'm gonna kill myself everyday and i mean it. i want to be dead. but god i love my son. i could never leave him. but sometimes i think he'd be better off without me. 

on top of all of this i was raised in a christian cult where women were the equivalent of trash. nothing but a stepping stool for men. 

my cousin sexually groomed me when i was 10 and he was 15 and now he wants to fuck me again, it's so hard to resist the natural urge to do what he wants. 

also my health is shit, i have colitis. a deformed uterus in the shape of a heart plus cysts on my ovaries that rupture sometimes. 

and yet my therapist thinks i'm getting better. and nobody hears me cry at night. i'm so fucking alone and i'm so fucking done. ",0.6155208818506424,2.548257221238938,2.6028691197019107,94.05615898152462,82.98230088495575,5.522434404595559,21.06272317963049,6.678205002080027,0.25603244837758155,2050,63,471,22,57,686,253,565,0.146,0.773,0.081,-0.9844,0,1,2,0,1,3,63.0,1,1,1,7,26,29,14,0,24,0,46,33,9,2,7,71,99,38,2,12,9,4,5,3,3,3,6,1,0,9,17,27,7,3,10,5,0,7,5,17,0,4,43,9,96,12,69,46,6,83,1,2,2,12,40,31,8,2,45,313,113,5,0.0,0.08150812933902153,0.0,0.07499422377849313,0.0,0.0,0.060980599461055815,0.07351850117527198,0.06888597639355241,0.07124851567348096,0.0,0.05501351684488262,0.05724105756723263,0.0,0.0,0.04678141159191545,0.0,0.10525249173704354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926605817499573,0.0,0.057439051396149715,0.16774162512183574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219372007916468,0.18252472303886846,0.0,0.07641320859370905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925884074254228,0.07212786269223458,0.0,0.0,0.10985078542960873,0.0,0.07556557749087854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039884138026588,0.0,0.0,0.07977772005415447,0.07039213117897722,0.0,0.0,0.0609299350519541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222695767344715,0.0,0.06573439620725237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034783668444412025,0.0,0.13210360711877736,0.0,0.0,0.05851505622795621,0.08318443540400447,0.0,0.10629817644032527,0.3815865911541832,0.14376543672644068,0.0,0.039096490602867316,0.0,0.22007930413592205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324953758031908,0.0,0.07060118193115922,0.0731234491395015,0.07753440009654658,0.0815197096326148,0.0,0.14536658061281718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180173135790324,0.0,0.0,0.0761089570534449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568312449895185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100825950854605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509538505883892,0.0,0.18626435884241727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493544414481629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981939258308457,0.0,0.05057056782294413,0.0,0.10611437998135204,0.0,0.0,0.12911462339627708,0.0,0.06600847440743284,0.0,0.07218639207116306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538442656796574,0.12013430696599163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886572926928373,0.054818894719089455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061474301387538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360755269049371,0.0,0.1460755332038415,0.14664778208454904,0.0,0.11502759585770675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172356738516362,0.0,0.06012787328365472,0.0,0.0,0.07987365522184058,0.0,0.08815920012822602,0.0,0.05461373894807346,0.240681544868392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643124801589565,0.09341148838291423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941482639262163,0.0,0.0,0.2840301184450996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631373144308042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977367553016253,0.0,0.0,0.04430025905257876
suicidewatch,bignibbachibba,2019/03/01,"I just want nothing more than to die. Relief is so close. I don't even know how to start this other than by just talking. My name is Byron I'm 16 and i've just reached a point where i dont know what to do anymore. For some context around 5-6 years ago my parents got divorced for horrendous reasons.  My father was insanely psychologically abusive and physically abusive doing things like telling me he was a prophet of god and i had to everything he said or else i was going to die, and also giving me beatings almost every time he saw me. It was exactly like a cult. My mom only realized what he was doing later in life as at the time she was (in her words) ""to young and naive"" (19-28). This abuse led up to me being socioally and academically inept. At this point i have zero redeeming qualities and dont think i ever will all life is for me is a constant torture. The  torture of seeing people around me being able to do the things they like, watching people be able to have normal thoughts, and seeing people to be able to talk to each other. I hate that i cant do the simple things that they can and i hate my self for not being able to learn how. Currently all i can see is me failing even more and more and the only way to stop this viscious cycle of pain is suicide.",3.8894914529914537,4.743042573076924,5.2925641025641035,82.84465811965815,71.34615384615384,7.623931623931623,27.136752136752143,7.793537801064563,1.53884188034188,999,33,202,12,18,336,140,260,0.193,0.745,0.062,-0.992,2,0,0,0,2,1,24.0,0,0,2,2,13,10,4,0,9,0,32,3,0,4,4,41,49,17,3,2,5,3,0,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,14,15,0,1,7,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,11,6,27,4,32,32,7,25,0,1,5,0,19,11,0,3,14,146,41,3,0.3995885433793331,0.35508531202676524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855278347817429,0.0,0.10003255143722484,0.0,0.0,0.07988770344327208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907111559692204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785926064921334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079533147405818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20735491056639324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415739843019784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345123847786436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196223214637126,0.09036267859061277,0.0841676454774118,0.0,0.08978110429283225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583043542801316,0.0567738444310177,0.0,0.07989686531214589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972554797577177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980170664903803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411206027129901,0.14641408372364156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699831814069288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787798295768488,0.09585399608377028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519525466946813,0.10629759581067097,0.0,0.11092394732670906,0.0,0.0,0.2077682873171113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888701659624292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271089349296887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502505240236228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881525062766146,0.0,0.10421449944194544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070770691870944,0.0,0.0,0.08351847866391968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927125265300246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058706751165178,0.0873144998728812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991016545210614,0.06401005097981591,0.0,0.07930716724244136,0.11650164652521652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892191896682476,0.07929369660469833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433048022781958
suicidewatch,MeyvonNooj,2019/03/01,"I have crippling approach anxiety I'm 29 and I've never asked a girl out before in my life. It's so bad I find it difficult even to approach males and I'm straight. I can't go to a new city and approach people in a club even when they're doing stuff I like and am knowledgable about. I have trouble making eye contact when they look at me, male or female. My fear of being social is so much more crippling than my depression, but it's a big part of why I'm depressed. I feel like I'm a failure at literally being human.

​

I have had girlfriends, I've even had sex, but every time it's been initiated by the woman. I can't handle the risk of rejection. Not even rejection by dudes, and I don't know why. It shouldn't matter, right?",1.8213917050691213,3.642623180645163,3.7252764976958552,88.07362903225807,78.48387096774194,6.235023041474656,23.974654377880178,7.1686216300943375,0.9497557603686636,583,20,122,7,14,197,93,155,0.208,0.735,0.057,-0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,0,2,7,0,15,3,1,1,1,18,25,12,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,5,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,4,6,9,0,0,3,3,14,2,14,19,3,17,0,4,2,1,10,8,0,1,7,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185386363883048,0.20790476283184095,0.0,0.0,0.1308907389306072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995504544493072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428610336275606,0.0,0.0,0.14559317225821186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29473569936835525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520387342473892,0.0,0.14415880705924566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253463801168585,0.0865131074859667,0.1222336008017125,0.0,0.0,0.15638195050081735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972398555159676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403187503826857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085271973092132,0.1671812608954523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368058601018974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421032317232235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577790570550296,0.0,0.1319625728350718,0.16524907659818694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852842120230631,0.0,0.1186189311996992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611813832003073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441451277625544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958681266081834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976956280676967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087815835789914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790476283184095,0.0
suicidewatch,REMIELVISION,2019/03/01,"I'm a worthless leech I'm an 18 year old highschool dropout. For all my life, I've been a disappointment to my family. I nearly went to prison, I've always had failing grades, and I'm a lazy piece of shit. Nothing in life makes me happy, I just take dopamine hits from games, porn, food, and the internet. I just can't myself actually making my situation any better. I've been given chances and I either let them pass or fucked them up. I don't even know why I should post this here, I'll just be seen as a weak piece of shit that lacks the will to get their shit straight. I really am just a leech that just cut itself off the arm of society.",2.9500746268656712,4.0625710223880604,4.07779104477612,89.69370149253733,73.8507462686567,7.44955223880597,23.101492537313433,7.908726449838941,0.8526441791044777,503,13,114,7,10,164,90,134,0.247,0.682,0.07200000000000001,-0.9781,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,3,7,11,5,0,9,0,10,10,4,2,1,16,23,5,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,9,0,0,6,1,15,2,13,12,5,10,0,3,1,2,4,5,4,1,2,67,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.17872595173431227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239374215370635,0.0,0.0,0.12454686685952927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197945298728436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096747467615145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265556040651112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146319336028952,0.0,0.0,0.1693173019889336,0.0956872297012113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496436779191484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065330778682924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728115812898205,0.25872558621215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445053192019953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573536996570502,0.0,0.1921829345549428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540508179559394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173292481230186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5639961277689767,0.0,0.2058659370815971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770444373964005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977995787884825,0.16526251209088424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794125654424854
suicidewatch,mathocracy,2019/03/01,"I Am Extremely Set on Killing Myself For the past two months my life has just gone to complete and utter shit. It all began with a slew of health issues that were unable to be diagnosed by the several doctors I've seen. And as time carried on my symptoms snowballed and became progressively worse, so I kept visiting new doctors and even went to the ER like 5 different times. I ended up getting several blood tests, urine analysis', CT scans, throat cultures, and also had one x-ray. The results of all of these showed that I was perfectly fine, which left me feeling like I was fucking insane. All throughout this period too, everyone I know has just said that it's all in my head and that it's just psychosomatic. (I have a horrible past of anxiety and depression BTW.) My response to their hypothesis was that the feelings I was experiencing seemed way too peculiar and odd to be caused by solely my mental health. And on top of everyone telling me that it's just me imagining these things and downplaying the physical existence of what i'm experiencing, my girlfriend and I decided to split up so that we could ""focus on ourselves and self improve"", yet we still talk. It's fucking torture because I hate being just friends and not being able to hangout with her or talk to her like I used to. Everyone I know seems to be exhausted with having to deal with my issues and although they want to be there for me, I can tell that they lose interest in speaking to me. My physical pain stills persists despite what the doctors have told me and it makes me think that i'm slowly but surely dying from a terrible disease. I can't find comfort in anything or anyone anymore, nothing that I am told makes me feel any less shitty. I am losing enjoyment in the activities I used to love, and it seems as if everything is just fading away. I am so scared of death but at this point I am almost 100% set on the prospect of killing myself. I rather end my shit on my own terms than waste away and suffer. I know this probably doesn't seem too traumatizing or troubling from what I have wrote here, but there's an insane lack of detail due to my laziness. (P.S. I am a 19 year old male, just in case anyone asks to gain more context.) ",7.675634249471457,6.820165430232558,7.756913319238905,74.26194503171249,63.30232558139535,11.073995771670194,36.522198731501064,10.33465798735191,3.6451395348837217,1765,73,332,35,22,573,232,430,0.174,0.7340000000000001,0.092,-0.9916,2,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,2,0,3,7,22,29,8,1,14,0,29,19,6,6,6,71,62,31,4,5,16,0,3,3,2,0,10,2,0,2,27,23,0,1,14,2,0,3,3,18,1,2,15,9,51,11,54,40,9,43,0,4,2,3,25,19,4,9,21,233,78,4,0.0843590279699541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447338087556565,0.0,0.0,0.06746188418949496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736703181389985,0.0,0.06453442549620149,0.0,0.08366148779917756,0.11797158760337947,0.0,0.06942029216425727,0.0,0.07886430352020565,0.0,0.15851616741432278,0.0,0.0,0.051424480458294834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665995948887123,0.0,0.0,0.08844883582882503,0.0,0.0,0.06735381947742787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697045364453487,0.07265830717802689,0.0856226376459149,0.08755135245993344,0.0881372293247553,0.0,0.2590351191759948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943411939063234,0.0,0.0,0.05571834236521342,0.0,0.0,0.24182599905604155,0.07581645483787035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127963377740374,0.060266106437466015,0.0,0.0,0.0771026232718881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517557574796985,0.15597712402991162,0.04407411032382255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328707521682498,0.08657670027733147,0.17933940385214073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609781607418454,0.0,0.0,0.1866615312378581,0.0,0.13908454677933546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165633072053968,0.0,0.05958527624802585,0.12364067978107801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875234818942985,0.0,0.0,0.07613731633923318,0.0,0.11262061245706405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501405873858238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733457129354463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147447488775758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094476251273691,0.0,0.08852060913853889,0.0,0.0571638605812447,0.0,0.08976395351373885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106047524060196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974654867914563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095330016319532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024475362245169,0.0,0.08445810354934026,0.0,0.0,0.3071891630413346,0.08800486419303621,0.1906033795267871,0.17318665987870355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347384574156083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950738551359389,0.08768133055569695,0.0,0.1356091824381269,0.14746701744081886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604438973003534,0.054053858854890884,0.0,0.0,0.09838085521322534,0.0,0.0,0.1612173327040277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240651248046157,0.0,0.0,0.14571822952310806,0.0,0.0,0.049757140363727664,0.06696026981300851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820166408508299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596905649476795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054324448193275116
suicidewatch,jessicamariez1977,2019/03/01,Am I the only one? Am I the only one that wishes someone would kill me so I wouldn't have to do it myself?,-2.002933333333335,-0.30056035999999864,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,92.6,3.333333333333334,12.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5788666666666669,81,1,20,0,3,30,18,25,0.197,0.74,0.062,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931408282981875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815871240013626,0.5405175918606051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010859083736415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086336146031077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524296115861638,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poopwater87,2019/03/01,"Despite my will to find reasons to stay positive, I am exhausted. Without explaining my past, I just want to get to the present, and my struggle with not wanting to live anymore.
I could describe in detail, how lucky I have been for so much of my life and the people and experiences that molded me into the person I am.
But I don't feel like pouring out the details.

I have always been a loyal, honest member of a lifelong group of friends that I would expect the same from.

Unfortunately, now I have to prove myself to people that have no idea that I am a well educated, kind person.

I am holding on by a thread in this life. I feel defeated, useless and barely tolerant of any bullshit.

I am ready to wrap it up.  I need to make sure some things are in place before I go.  Try and Try and Try again....






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suicidewatch,LucasTekkan,2019/03/01,"Fucking shit planet I'm seriously afraid of my studies being worthless to the future thanks to global warming. I'm afraid of not fullfilling my dream of owning a 6 car garage and being a billionaire thanks to global warming. I haven't slept since wendnesday, paranoic about this situation, I just got enrolled abroad and I'm afraid it won't be useful in the future. I'm seriously considering ending it all, I don't want to suffer in the future. Please, what is the most painless way to do it ?",4.337234042553192,6.514117351063831,5.562712765957446,76.10875000000001,72.29787234042553,7.67872340425532,27.707446808510642,8.472884824447931,2.2694936170212774,397,15,67,7,8,132,58,94,0.157,0.675,0.168,0.2691,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,13,2,3,6,0,8,3,2,1,1,8,19,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,2,2,5,4,11,13,3,10,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,1,4,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26005642343665514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714430491414075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348313544779505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223019455314367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30139236968541633,0.24288200001433385,0.3300364287604475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5406439070536202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535897541594281,0.0,0.0,0.1731821891304671,0.23305853242798336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stuggo,2019/03/01,I DOnt FUCKING CARE I hate every aspect of my life. I have no passions nothing to be happy about nothing to look forward too no hobbies I’m the worst at every single thing I do and always have been and I want to fucking die. Only problem is the 3 people it would hurt. But they’re lives are better than mine every day isn’t a fucking waste for them . I don’t get along with anyone I hate my job but if I quit I can’t afford my car(I’m 17) which will be even more fucking annoying and I can’t find another job that pays the same amount or more because I actually make a fairly high amount for my age but I fucking hate the job. It’s so easy but I don’t get along with any of the coworkers and the environment is so serious and fucking annoying. Everyone’s gonna say “oh you’re just a bratty teenager complaining your life is fine I bet if you didn’t have food to eat-“ yeah I’ve heard it a million times sure you’re right . Fine. You all win. I don’t give a shit I don’t care I want nothing to do with this fucking worthless waste of a planet there is nothing I can contribute to society and nothing it can do for me but the only reason I dont is because I’d feel bad for my mom and boyfriend and sort of my dad but he wouldn’t really care that much. but if my mom dies and bf breaks up with me I know I’ll kill myself then I can’t fucking stand to be here d if that’s cowardly fine sure whatever you win. I don’t fucking care I hate this. There is no point. Life is so fucking upsetting everyday and that’s all it is,-0.2240653495440732,1.9409920303951371,2.1435858662613967,94.34376785714286,89.1823708206687,5.235288753799392,20.68700607902736,6.742157984588678,0.3640497872340421,1194,41,271,16,40,405,156,329,0.183,0.638,0.179,-0.1435,4,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,4,1,4,10,40,18,1,13,1,36,17,1,2,4,46,66,26,3,9,13,3,1,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,13,16,2,0,4,0,2,1,16,26,0,1,3,4,39,14,25,56,10,13,0,2,1,11,14,6,11,7,6,170,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.06686083278930532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701003359278421,0.0,0.0,0.04659260257797337,0.07184403330879989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479073356499248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057207228321838076,0.08353231132978177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059601874486354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794227535811849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418655725197206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221566782687756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605983224771144,0.0,0.0,0.07010802968599275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045253562892142295,0.0,0.17318072494579262,0.06546909325662242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03464328212606902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062621540111752,0.0,0.08284870437987538,0.0,0.0,0.6334108564965066,0.07159260088467931,0.06572590605792092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293557465110567,0.0,0.2705778195426212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238994173256626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334680814944855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397192883953869,0.0,0.0758017825445016,0.0,0.03765409508983846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518267764292894,0.0,0.0,0.060500069200922824,0.0,0.05753540962561472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04573434664810861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048806274759006,0.0,0.0,0.050366465836274035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287103264082928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042176085782138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749972828927141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476889481794942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555967656116775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287421922798581,0.0,0.0,0.0438925134482415,0.07044491143854921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851150232209507,0.0,0.054485940084764616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032974306315717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914930049949067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551837344291342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995169301334065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082393643458051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048671145675905886,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gryfon1997,2019/03/01,I feel like I'm drowning I've wasted every chance I was given. I've scared off the only girl I've ever hit it off with. I've hurt everyone that ever tried to help me. Every decision I make seems to hurt more and more people. I feel like suicide is the only option,1.4573684210526316,3.0601189473684234,3.968280701754389,86.91663157894739,78.82456140350877,5.963508771929827,18.417543859649122,6.742157984588678,0.15336070175438588,208,4,43,2,5,73,36,57,0.263,0.59,0.147,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,9,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,5,2,5,6,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788266783819193,0.3528552944727251,0.200089670953497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117568023795149,0.2991893043872383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403557026890461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483318151539517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460350028889526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977542557713013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31851467571480085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451708666030661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964487955607614,0.0,0.0,0.19062894020912305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904846520048086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216814219213592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ayy_baby,2019/03/01,Its painful to live each fucking day Life sucks so bad guys. I feel like I am losing everything. I have depression and anxiety which made me push people away from myself. Gf left me few months back. I consoled myself I that I still have friends. But I was wrong. I am alone in this world. It pains me a lot. Wish I was never born.,0.2183416252072945,2.603322641791049,1.4028855721393043,98.26396351575457,91.23880597014929,4.768822553897182,17.892205638474298,6.42735559955562,-0.19073665008291885,255,7,57,3,9,80,53,67,0.328,0.5670000000000001,0.105,-0.9498,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,1,8,11,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,3,1,14,2,4,8,3,11,0,2,0,1,3,4,2,1,7,39,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160004540597613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562940071110848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919527973370921,0.15709918171828566,0.17058749601467546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176086974039974,0.0,0.1759689947101232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361761866563486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330356713611533,0.14595669203949332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157846789850509,0.18887818048161345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022956774593284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197974329616005,0.0,0.1443078096383311,0.09981389589788578,0.0,0.18040649086577548,0.0,0.0,0.2285668511288531,0.0,0.17369418449823318,0.0,0.1933198662735248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307559699581664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757386248706448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347933023629743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164048753872416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315953275737466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23494253320168046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233772192706229,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THRWWAY2277,2019/03/01,"Therapy or Suck It Up? I’ve been okay for a while, by okay I mean numb, not really feeling anything, but today I had a melt down. I started talking to an old friend about a relationship I had a few years back, and for some reason this brought so many emotions flooding back...
I’m so used to feeling so emotionally blank that I sat in my car and went between phases of crying hysterically and staring out the window not moving for several minutes while feeling almost euphoric. 
With the euphoric part, all of my limbs felt like they “fell asleep”, my vision was tunneled, and at the same time I felt... well it almost felt like a bad acid trip, where your emotions are so intensified that it’s unbearable, but just feeling emotions so strongly felt other-worldly...
Should I be worried about this becoming too much, or was it maybe just wrong time wrong place...? I never really talk about my emotions, so when I did I felt like it flung me into wanting to wrap my car around a tree. I’m fucking confused. On top of this I’m on several antidepressants and I can’t even cry when I want to, so I don’t know how or why I did today... 
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suicidewatch,4-squared-is-not-8,2019/03/01,Got caught Recently got caught smoking weed by my parents. The only friends I have ever had have been because of weed. It helped me with my depression but now it is gone. I told them who I was smoking with so there is no way I can hang with him ever again. Every day after school for a week I have just come home and layed in my bed for hours until I fell asleep and the day would restart. There is no point. College is to far away. I have no friends. And no life. Any supporting words would help,0.6441176470588239,2.969540372549023,1.4916666666666671,99.5075,86.45098039215686,4.576470588235295,19.284313725490197,5.985473137389443,-0.3071333333333333,386,11,88,3,12,119,69,102,0.133,0.747,0.12,-0.1361,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,14,2,1,0,2,14,22,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,0,9,0,13,3,12,11,0,22,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,11,61,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791654894533624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672904145938675,0.0,0.0,0.11466589543749273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203415297535118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262185843723866,0.0,0.1620129125134795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403000211447427,0.1584849629426651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906559555757116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30088644315537577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521630672732855,0.0,0.1886827324462877,0.0,0.1852436494252354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286277265185625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306087330441675,0.0,0.0,0.2088662167251136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781821674911755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572910469660384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037036557838613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345715309677435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797405598442918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930747434719588,0.1508849495459899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672460709898559,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isakg94,2019/03/01,"I dont want to die, but I sometimes feel like I need to be put down because of my mental health I keep thinking of ways to forever sleep, and I fear one day I'll finally get the courage to do it. I feel hopeless like I can't be fixed. My life is great but I don't feel happy. I'll be okay. For a while but I always find myself here. I feel alone. ",-1.6806329113924043,0.17752150632911778,1.0834050632911385,101.36586708860762,93.43037974683546,4.1726582278481015,16.760759493670886,5.6839178017228535,-0.7710820253164554,265,7,69,2,10,91,51,79,0.179,0.586,0.235,0.7154,0,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,1,8,3,1,0,0,13,17,5,1,2,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,4,13,6,8,14,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589038670903725,0.0,0.0,0.16541233689922835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118283355477585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820553214873653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631654181226175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329848111718856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369825274674526,0.4020644011728945,0.14201830490691575,0.0,0.21776885178240524,0.18169389907927944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386153691485857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191708268982816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161965860785809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113084753909376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669703169439768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041391472561085,0.1942411835113045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003373575798916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740305729079953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347077994843992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984264028558868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989373307372684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661211599472966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737901719625438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172537127283048,0.15779323698006986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustLightandAir,2019/03/01,I think I’m gonna kill myself today I’m drunk and alone and nobody cares. I scarred the word “HI” into my left hand isn’t that stupid? All the people I cared for left me and this is the end. So I say goodbye. Goodbye and have a nice life everybody else.,-0.06193939393939374,1.9251435636363683,1.7159090909090935,99.08719696969698,86.0909090909091,4.393939393939394,16.439393939393938,5.46131890053228,-0.8416060606060607,196,4,47,1,6,64,41,55,0.201,0.61,0.189,-0.1779,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,4,0,3,3,1,0,1,8,9,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26239128266441664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166086885192556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163906791066445,0.0,0.22439041234500345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802911285201337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505249250513854,0.0,0.1789466122128949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563904171756625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201471853592272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623346492320271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401435124058729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,genologytriad,2019/03/01,"One of my goodbyes. I have been planning my suicide for months now. Yesterday, I ruined a year free of self harm. My mother is abusive. My siblings don't care. I can't tell anyone and don't want to. My family doesn't think mental illness is real. I was sexually abused as a child for years and pretty sure I have some form of complex PTSD. I can't open up to anyone and all conversations are fleeting, insignificant. In middle school I self harmed every night and slept all day. I was okay for the first two years of highschool, limiting my self harm and eventually my junior year I stopped completely. I'm a senior now but well, I've kept too much inside of me for too long and now I can't fix it. I've had an eating disorder for years now. Haven't had a real meal in 3 days. A part of me wants to hold on but I'm tired. I've known a life of silence. My trauma is who I am and if I somehow get better, who am I without this pain? It's the only constant in my life. I love a lot of things but once I'm gone it won't matter. I love a lot of people but once I'm gone that love won't exist anymore. And I love myself so I'm saving myself from this life. My mom called me a piece of shit this morning. I contemplated running away afterschool. Or stepping into traffic. That's all. I have a date planned. It's not too soon or too far away. ",-0.02222659486329804,2.1682018767605618,2.3345484672742347,93.20253935376972,88.33098591549296,4.890472245236123,18.91632145816073,6.37848985222837,-0.018599502899750764,1039,30,231,11,34,353,149,284,0.136,0.7190000000000001,0.145,0.8585,0,0,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,5,12,18,1,0,13,1,23,14,2,0,4,40,41,17,1,3,9,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,12,10,2,4,3,0,1,4,11,7,1,3,9,0,33,12,29,30,10,36,0,1,0,4,15,11,1,7,21,151,45,4,0.0,0.2400270052027218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045364750413592,0.14165031710958495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033282366873608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958383047546653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034296349443541,0.0,0.10327312382187964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620189062173624,0.1094597972427632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306488820931226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608848471975873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364617967399588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534220028813004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548832378954727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615823856812004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292046865285596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463489931078872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963951996649769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722283032548378,0.3656770319844781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207770043393148,0.0,0.0,0.11863102316218445,0.08084966532988591,0.0,0.07446068290596425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505492468359504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157436333897819,0.06863753504584909,0.07703651801563796,0.10778097284728673,0.0,0.0,0.10968849323372967,0.0,0.07022256073642638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304955997243796,0.0,0.0,0.11840398629031786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305831103365984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025120968352858,0.0,0.0,0.3170064209538305,0.0,0.10397395588777104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468397438786626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079612690543997,0.0,0.09546575238453407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853296886164094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672933690115505,0.06490330768060884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641932790734898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894677915157568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948834213681885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091072948725442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764109722047046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261410425047209
suicidewatch,felines234,2019/03/01,"Idk what to do I'm severely suicidal bc I'm a huge burden on society.  I have this one friend who's a cop, and he spends up to several hours on Facebook.  I've tried to ask him for help a few times, but only now is he saying he wants to help.  I'm not trying to cause problems, but every person I've asked for advice has said that I sound like I'm entitled to others time and that I'm treating my friends like employees.  I'm sorry for being a bad friend.  I'm sorry for being a parasite.  I dont deserve to live at all.",0.8789473684210519,2.338031982456144,3.761263157894735,88.4008421052632,80.05263157894737,7.016140350877192,21.92631578947368,7.908726449838941,0.9742378947368427,402,12,91,7,10,144,71,114,0.156,0.635,0.209,0.8201,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,1,1,9,18,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,3,5,6,15,15,2,9,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0,6,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600471008645384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30623046792255343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675217638173598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825051867494986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195275462784048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799445593639742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796156087267488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956092634617155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612935141825149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003245039720418,0.0,0.1446236144832336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098377207863867,0.12456454549931513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300922052494194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671845526555506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579538113740835,0.13024701785721868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700569173552237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36668388884288544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915229746311992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100666576512748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239615775195504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660360705631928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missevajoy,2019/03/01,"Anyone in south jersey or nearby? Alone, sad, friendless, no family. Desperate to talk to someone who understands how I’m feeling. My mom kicked me out. I’m tired. I told my bf I want to commit suicide and he somewhat ignored me all week. He texts to me every three days telling me not to do it, but that’s about it. He still continues to go to work, refusing to talk to me a lot, and I haven’t seen him in person in over a week since I told him my feelings. He canceled our anniversary plans and canceled his paid time off because he “doesn’t know when I would come back.” And “Doesn’t want me to do it, but what if.” I called him a lot, probably over  hundred times because I feel desperate and stupid. No answer. Ultimately, I’m alone and I don’t have anyone. Just knowing someone who understands my situation and will be there for me matters so much. In my last moments, I’d ever want to die knowing someone is there for me. It’s painful when you’re alone in this situation. ",2.5824932815765886,4.389361999999998,3.9639295312033447,87.28309346073458,76.20812182741116,7.071842340997312,27.3242759032547,7.928766900206844,1.6595580173186026,762,31,158,12,17,251,110,197,0.21,0.75,0.039,-0.988,0,3,0,0,0,3,26.0,1,0,0,2,11,4,1,0,3,0,11,2,0,1,3,38,31,15,2,5,6,1,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,9,0,1,2,7,4,0,1,4,4,26,0,23,24,5,25,0,1,1,0,22,10,0,5,13,102,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766845780764255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953880996685802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322121342675416,0.0,0.14780584710573988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379313778878788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443207698856873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818569151678073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582141521185095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966280057268374,0.10214460067610937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142883200782783,0.0,0.1838981675348841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889989182137908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998805731514359,0.0988216266676142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061370717147553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198741593008818,0.0,0.0,0.08912070108131462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900117872283082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585656955852348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071040735731215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028574946415247,0.2725434623130619,0.0,0.0,0.30816270040954746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681737014429236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260996436706324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948860728096191,0.10596357629064457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138466265663935,0.13934027620484446,0.0,0.231687945275129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25241706420722904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452028923221805,0.0,0.19449268414172086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825955991088995,0.0,0.0,0.0861209249655864,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw_away979797,2019/03/01,"Does anyone else ever fantasize about killing a younger version of themselves? I sometimes have fantasies about going back in time and killing the child version of myself. This doesn't happen as often as it used to, but it is today. I'd get to save us from suffering and it'd be the ultimate expression of my self-hate. Kind of contradictory in a way, but would still be nice.",5.460416666666667,6.725567541666671,5.759333333333338,79.419,68.02777777777777,8.537777777777778,32.455555555555556,8.841846274778883,2.7203188888888903,301,13,55,5,5,96,53,72,0.159,0.741,0.1,-0.5647,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,9,11,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,13,7,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024186877847005,0.23481303117360255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621854786192975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005493080881932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914431754882296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729851887815728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973252113520708,0.0,0.13024330448291416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026553824107024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070880743788228,0.2386465944507256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907559754639784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226656229370788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301645888833387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363160072400102,0.0,0.21722755180193629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756648005631053,0.19793038212197425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819054737962971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279668307349407,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mynamebesammich,2019/03/01,"I just feel sad My college course is hard lately. I put everything off until the last minute and I’m going to flunk, I know that, all this is going to catch up with me, but I can’t make myself care. I laugh it off with all my classmates who joke about how they haven’t done anything either, but the fact is they either have or will, because they’re not useless pieces of shit like me. It’s not even like I don’t like the course or don’t think I’d like to work in the area I’m studying— I’m just lazy and don’t care what happens to me while being simultaneously plagued with guilt at the prospect of sitting around at home burdening everyone I love. I don’t want that and I’m trying so hard but at the same time no I’m fucking not.

I moved out of my house and moved in with a family member because my mum screamed at me to every day. She hates me and she doesn’t love me, I don’t care what anyone says otherwise. My dad let her emotionally and verbally abuse me all my life and left me alone from age nine with a baby, stuck upstairs looking after a one year old while he locked himself away in his room. I got screamed at for anything that happened while I was taking care of him and screamed at for not cleaning the house while my mom was at work. I don’t go and see her and my siblings enough. She just makes me feel so depressed and sad every time she cries and asks me to move back in even though i know she doesn’t want me. She just wants a fucking punching bag to take all her shit out on and a free babysitter and a best friend, she doesn’t want a daughter. I’m so sick of my dad never fucking being aorind, he used to let me call him crying after my mom slagged me off and did absolutely nothing and offered nothing and he’s never been there for me when I’ve needed him, he didn’t come to any of my assemblies or parents’ evenings. I begged him and he’d promise and then be magically ‘sick’ that very same day and hide in bed. And now he’s mad because I don’t go up and see him ever, gee, I wonder why! I really wonder! I feel like my entire family is such a toxic hateful mess who bitch about each orher behind everyone’s backs and I know they probably hiss about me all the time because that’s just what they do to everyone

I isolate myself all the time. All I had up until lately was writing to make me feel better but even that’s been taken awau from me lately so now I’m just depressed with no outlet and let’s be real, I couldn’t write well anyway because I don’t do antthing well. The friends I write collaboratively with write with each other every day and only write withh me to further their own shit, they don’t care about my characters, they just want to use them as a jumping off point for them to develop a new ship in their private chat they’ll inevitably fucking brag to me about that i dont CARE abour. They leave me out all the time and then talk about how much fun writing together EVERY DAY IS UWU right in front of me like that’s SO MUCH FUN for me to read . fuck them

I feel ugly and I don’t eat, I have one meal a day on a good day, and I either don’t sleep at all or I sleep until afternoon and hate myself for it because i’m such a sad holed up freak and nothing that bads even happened to me so why am I acting like my life’s been such a tradgedy 

I went to see a therapist and she called what my mom did to me verbal abuse and I almost had a breakdown and I stopped going and everything feels horrible. She said I might not even be depressed at all and that I’m just sad and the idea that I’ve overblown my stupid fucking feelings like a drama queen makes me want to cry

I just hate myself so much and i want to sleep and never wake up. Things ar ejust hard right now. hAve been for years but you know !",3.1757739602170005,4.013618359493673,4.0568490054249535,91.10333860759495,73.0,6.858047016274862,24.36030741410488,6.868970318607317,0.6446636528028931,2944,81,666,24,56,947,294,790,0.195,0.6659999999999999,0.139,-0.995,1,1,0,0,2,0,41.0,0,1,13,5,46,62,16,1,29,0,54,21,7,8,15,138,130,68,0,9,26,8,10,8,2,3,4,5,4,0,23,53,2,1,15,4,1,15,29,33,2,3,18,19,117,30,90,99,24,98,0,9,4,8,68,39,10,8,51,440,140,4,0.0,0.11265378898206868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047604247032742505,0.0492369001414644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323286972262527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03324093661758803,0.0,0.07824241679495425,0.04232050497242112,0.044443299746358286,0.0,0.04466521118286222,0.07311035030950462,0.03969375096561211,0.17387894121627684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989009178336752,0.042045093742952636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708691119712004,0.0,0.29081999391001395,0.0,0.0,0.040951332060177724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566607286291288,0.1839554459503156,0.0,0.12283789170148515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04864972540621063,0.05571629674171937,0.0,0.0,0.04864508826384134,0.0,0.053475881308443135,0.0,0.049121326173781135,0.0,0.1883975548308452,0.043002474818082885,0.16021734245118885,0.13627896123823127,0.08545142168668003,0.0,0.0896325933771816,0.0,0.1682628747411424,0.06792489157683368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345826996028358,0.2636986989326622,0.0,0.0,0.1350898320827454,0.03987413245068474,0.0380219244517419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611787618203926,0.0,0.1277589810179554,0.18774285874016367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047686300008646994,0.0,0.0,0.10970910300705056,0.0,0.05366665264404952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450653298027167,0.03875128566901298,0.16088091027787926,0.050337788692496485,0.0516521366199681,0.14583801287018658,0.06715753958524709,0.18580437695561766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03992146252105391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581305916385577,0.0,0.12693275445627614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043221985424442,0.0,0.16703413316454715,0.0,0.15158186577166305,0.10484167878274354,0.035250162615072154,0.10999688375248312,0.04591423936415065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368471735376319,0.0,0.049885027700350484,0.0,0.06442840365211328,0.03615616349967525,0.0,0.0,0.052787326870306885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494048141535631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125594979784141,0.0,0.0,0.04779063404088611,0.0,0.0,0.047552669382848,0.05411070523658239,0.030455216048357218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119746647157447,0.0452212405248918,0.03780556059602539,0.0,0.0,0.11364920741024842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639677826650302,0.0,0.0,0.1427224113444791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039745405200537064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148803306934022,0.038210694030361377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519737708101198,0.031583333659131636,0.03046158710981024,0.0467076164861992,0.0,0.13860421135983958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032276406617738056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211825457312097,0.0,0.03922531743129135,0.19628145859401916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548798697901147,0.044069874993658005,0.08579455832095614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310977999843693,0.06921908765238166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122815080692778
suicidewatch,pissedoffmolly,2019/03/01,"It won't get any better. I can't get better.

My meds are no longer enough.

I am numb all over.

I can't take care of her anymore. My mom depends on me and I can't afford to leave her, she has taken or destroyed everything I own. There are no homeless shelters near this new place. There are no anythings.  Calling the police to tell them that she threatened to hurt me did nothing. They even put me thru to the chief of police himself who said sorry this is a ""family situation"" so you need to call her doctor instead of the police. Her doctor is an 86 year old fart who sleeps through his psychiatry sessions and believes every flattering word she says.  ""I'm talking with the President on Facebook. He flirts with me.""  Dr: ""Oh that's so nice."" SHE IS CLEARLY DELUSIONAL. WHY WONT ANYONE DO ANYTHING. WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME.

I keep writing and rewriting my suicide note. I want to tell them to put her away forever when I'm gone. She doesn't need to hurt anybody else.",1.389556111996356,3.940241900523564,2.6612610972000934,90.77362622353745,85.49214659685866,4.997131800591852,23.48759389938539,6.498293943080001,0.7422827680400639,757,29,149,8,23,243,122,191,0.198,0.754,0.048,-0.983,1,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,3,2,7,10,1,0,6,0,17,5,1,1,2,15,30,7,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,0,4,2,31,6,20,23,3,13,0,2,0,0,30,6,0,2,4,98,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716380916267571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711576189699508,0.17924673149966502,0.0,0.21095520918188385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204252035430653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444100182818285,0.0,0.2267218194156926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26176325450279586,0.0,0.13068357540287867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26238633329252675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707427383295892,0.0,0.0,0.1324396671620936,0.0,0.0846587806135256,0.0,0.10799347839654057,0.0,0.11519597217992278,0.0,0.12083255643131835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133932930458834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591340860468459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744292799497875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392837021855452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571946238838406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237420600879902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011772363228792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008117930829346,0.0,0.12379280147844453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229879533469046,0.0,0.13449873974560242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391623017749613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577037779252274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219243556777253,0.10193038853430758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407475439036144,0.12826817547068695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348209991264174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020331204241526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637210600016022,0.10302269897010224,0.22406226293350026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560129485544656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231317100604078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254088952252517
suicidewatch,Quaesitorr,2019/03/01,"I just wanted to see him one last time. I’ve been traumatized with my family finding out about my sexuality last year (October). I’ve developed anxiety and depression, and my trichotillomania came with it, worsening the two previously cited. I didn’t know about them until start of 19’. My family came to accept me, but I cry every time I remember that night. I want to cry every time I go to school and can’t learn I single thing cause I think I’m not enough. I cry when I realize that I won’t accomplish my dream of becoming an astrophysicist and travel the Earth with my love because of this, and because of how incapable I am.  I cry when I remember I wasn’t a disappointment and a burden to my family. I cry when I remember how I’ve let my friends down before.

I rarely go to school now. I can’t take all this anymore. I just wanted to see my love one more time before I do it. His beautiful hair and smile and his sweetening words he says when I’m at the worst of me. Even if he does not feel the same way, he cares as much as he would if he felt the same. I want to hug him and tell he will achieve his dream of becoming a financially stable person and travel around the world, taking those beautiful pictures he always takes, and with the company of someone better than me. He deserves someone better than me.

I hope he and my friends have an amazing life. Nah, I don’t hope. I’m sure they will. They won’t have to listen to my rumbling and paranoia. But I can’t do this until I see him one last time.  I don’t care if anyone reads this or not.

I love you, my best friend Bojack and Zeko. I love you my beautiful dames Vit and Mia. And I love you, Lennon, I love you my long haired boy.

I’m sorry mom, for not being the one you wanted me to be, I know you love me, and I love you too. Sorry my teachers, for not fulfilling your wishes to see my as one of you someday.

But soon, you’ll won’t have to worry about me. And all of you will have an amazing life.

I know they will never read this. I intend to leave them a meaningful letter when I do it, after I see him. I just wanted it to stay on the internet archive, how much I loved them. How much I love him.

I love you, my tall boy.",1.7517560175054712,3.417699818380747,3.7383977024070014,88.6093033369803,78.16849015317287,7.283347921225383,21.4906455142232,8.158263871857827,0.9557851641137862,1695,46,377,31,40,576,185,457,0.11,0.601,0.289,0.9989,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,12,6,5,20,30,0,0,16,0,28,16,2,6,4,78,74,39,0,13,15,1,4,0,3,9,2,2,0,3,13,26,0,0,14,6,0,6,16,4,0,6,6,11,91,26,46,56,12,38,0,2,5,12,57,7,0,6,23,258,104,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841041502485269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044507535534309785,0.0,0.057698919800475965,0.040680803981166656,0.0,0.0,0.051792528801854636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093196766633322,0.12851046298685626,0.09901377806829667,0.0,0.06105631341830865,0.10291095203507787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308482573356364,0.11863676107326855,0.059766879408879335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195399529113692,0.0,0.0,0.050110342870863134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091370409673203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601154854437293,0.0,0.038427336784435176,0.0,0.09803830706731148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645407590397788,0.0,0.029417552663191786,0.0,0.05586191729064938,0.0,0.05317545974379285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484915521914467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661300617612458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155717214957291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592260813446006,0.1422733788570693,0.0,0.06160421224597325,0.0,0.05949298483801675,0.08218849953461731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514874631435077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776068687433115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813970484248932,0.0,0.0,0.12830696778142414,0.0,0.04487199742045688,0.0,0.0,0.0545979823752365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712134543196894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050800525934691206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163914750176634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771977227106025,0.0,0.0,0.04626706574781893,0.0,0.11776251835224305,0.23180960986244814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859143883431704,0.0,0.0,0.1302554781895871,0.04118009862104475,0.06201213163164133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483395503682968,0.0,0.13123234283751695,0.0,0.05085187842318554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865220226613896,0.03727939042228288,0.0,0.0,0.16962610946138135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056833399449702525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589640420255376,0.04618057052766147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690412088265495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908460719471952,0.0,0.041329397886969384,0.0,0.0,0.037466008099603806
suicidewatch,mae00909,2019/03/01,I'm doing it Monday night. Wish me luck. Leaving my dog with a family member so I know she will be well cared for.,-1.7257999999999996,0.16230672000000368,1.4794999999999978,95.58725,101.8,4.1000000000000005,10.25,5.985473137389443,-1.1532,88,1,20,1,4,31,24,25,0.0,0.629,0.371,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041927981432469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37372446338578297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787079056168202,0.0,0.0,0.4197683534150515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720282156994077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35644346387723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558816943792566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MMMRPH1N3,2019/03/01,Would it be that bad? Been thinking about it a lot lately. Thinking my method would be overdose or to dope myself up enough to blow my brains out peacefully.  i would be dead. and i wouldnt feel shit. ,0.9390000000000001,3.4322049000000057,1.3949999999999996,99.31,87.5,4.2,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.5361500000000001,156,4,34,1,5,47,30,40,0.16899999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.3561,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,8,2,2,0,0,11,11,2,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,5,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361663377822316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31575200818256005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29225768357136345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430164912455155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190649617393129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404673285285225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903394963124035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624752660432971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6027814963492818,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EggEater20,2019/03/01,"Is this all there is to life? Not being able to find love, never being good enough for my parents, or hell even myself, smoking weed until I fall asleep. Day in, Day out, boredom. I'm not suffering like a lot of people who have suicidal thoughts, I am just a burnout. I ultimately feel beyond worthless. I have literally nothing to look foward to, no motivation. 

I can't wait for the day when it all ends.",2.9932368896925867,5.02251378481013,4.345605786618446,84.00784810126581,75.70886075949366,7.0459312839059685,26.475587703435806,7.957251820313856,1.6404524412296566,315,12,62,5,7,104,62,79,0.233,0.665,0.102,-0.8971,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,3,0,8,3,1,1,3,14,14,3,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,2,7,3,11,11,4,11,1,2,1,1,3,3,1,2,8,45,10,2,0.24352518922435334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4711608021403824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156910355471356,0.25162661885518783,0.0,0.16084609074192588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313365278505806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257761112027186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042573747470426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200904304461676,0.11897410652257535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044998255622962,0.0,0.0,0.20703640733536754,0.2197909911331604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782163878152708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366898697144065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704059033705133,0.0,0.0,0.16882970352726828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663770312738235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19333179821653376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snail234,2019/03/01,"I feel like I’m just wasting my life I’m ‘only’ 20 years old and I feel like I’m just wasting my life.  I don’t do anything productive all day. I’m just sitting alone in my room while other people have fun or do something meaningful with their life. 
It sure doesn’t help that I only have two friends. One of them got in a relationship a few months ago and has now almost no time to hang out and the other has so many other friends that she also barely has any time to do something together. 
I finished school last year and since then I barely have left the house. I kinda regret that I didn’t start university last fall because then I would have at least some structure in my life. 
I currently also have no job because I get really stressed out only of the thought of applying somewhere. I would probably be homeless if my mother did not support me. But she also said to me that I finally need to do something with my life or she would eventually stop supporting me financially, which kinda makes sense because who wants to support a child that absolutely does nothing all day. 
So I’m gonna start university in the spring and I’m already scared just to think about it. It’s only a bit over a month away and I already feel like I’m going to fail. I want to try to see more positively into the future but I just can’t. There are so many thoughts in my head that are driving me crazy and I just feel so lost. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish there was a option to just disappear in life. I’m theoretically so young but it already feels like I wasted my best years and I barely have any hope left that everything is going to be alright. 
There is a small part inside of me which is actually a bit excited to finally start university and to meet new people till I remember that I’m probably still going to end up alone because I’m to socially awkward to make new friends. 

___

I’m sorry that this post makes no sense and I’m also sorry for my poor english skills since it’s not my first language. I just felt like I needed to vent somewhere about my shitty life.",3.1221227011090846,4.756400572792366,4.536462866769622,84.48795416257198,74.2983293556086,7.411512003369367,26.16601151200337,8.124751697461798,1.5905537835181804,1636,58,332,26,34,544,189,419,0.135,0.743,0.121,-0.6441,2,2,3,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,5,24,24,1,3,13,1,30,8,1,3,3,66,76,30,1,12,17,1,6,5,3,4,7,1,1,1,21,15,0,1,11,0,1,7,10,7,0,3,9,8,46,17,42,61,10,61,0,3,1,0,16,18,0,9,39,210,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.06667188122814535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060562844521497426,0.0,0.0684140647173957,0.14152083827500606,0.22618326212873474,0.2185465604932392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929218597972864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622273326341767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419025273897794,0.0,0.0,0.16659249092040915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169914830658926,0.0,0.1491786599907707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812336831842009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978856266442616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060512527195031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061402915263474564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272689367637192,0.19523543456378314,0.065599307725508,0.14968562130093271,0.0,0.058114191789203413,0.0,0.0,0.1583549519741633,0.0,0.03569513857267456,0.0,0.11648596615862013,0.0,0.05464290609054806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011752003293148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045794428821784264,0.0,0.0,0.06785861719817914,0.0,0.07883378207882752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779849849372845,0.0,0.07558756347852574,0.0,0.0,0.11138220351720618,0.0,0.0,0.1484629140370496,0.0,0.3378022321622073,0.16689205089560952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458093508091762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368152983097717,0.13853445679838636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906706161034324,0.0,0.0,0.1013189812575987,0.0,0.13197056729616902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555627540512507,0.0,0.07169187049998886,0.0,0.04629638374557685,0.15588462776639472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398547415536838,0.0,0.09473098406809068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543306479449455,0.0,0.14732416056110398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043768471335792564,0.0,0.0,0.07335167037876572,0.07739488613887177,0.0,0.06498934588216362,0.0,0.06840169177843836,0.06914495648015175,0.05444335127982471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303242147857125,0.0,0.0,0.06964511593531013,0.0,0.1577915738695444,0.0,0.15296054290857994,0.14507482517401146,0.0,0.05456159946487856,0.05711979273064465,0.07826199192021069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325911207305464,0.0643921595378139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043777627456049344,0.0,0.1084792019062436,0.07967757565457173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638578086682315,0.0,0.06674013067238233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120893286821716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856629751984026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456007968357586,0.0,0.0,0.13199032438063216
suicidewatch,AnonIsLost,2019/03/01,Killing myself tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day. I just want the pain to end. I'm glad I'm ending it all before the shit hits the fan and gets even worse. Thanks everyone. ,0.2558823529411747,2.6757822352941183,1.985529411764705,92.9388823529412,94.29411764705885,6.249411764705883,18.564705882352946,7.554174236665415,0.8022541176470588,132,4,28,3,5,43,27,34,0.228,0.486,0.285,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504443623956637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189811839368506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521359739687785,0.0,0.0,0.19439536693374174,0.0,0.0,0.2812350584808945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376988052729346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256211089299385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131768810771542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021149128457275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709700100081557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359736754515134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999368892331185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fagohtron,2019/03/01,"No judgement please I am a young 22 year old man, however I do not feel the pleasure of being alive as most people gifted with it do. Regardless of the circumstances I do not want to endure life any longer and I think it is honestly ok to end on your own terms lol. Take care of everything and pass when you feel it's ok. What a privilege. 

I need to find a painless way to do it that wont leave everyone screwed after the fact. No one ever talks about it..",2.157605263157894,3.7416035368421054,3.698092105263161,89.69976973684211,76.78947368421052,7.697368421052633,23.453947368421048,8.472884824447931,1.3188157894736836,356,11,79,7,8,118,70,95,0.08199999999999999,0.664,0.254,0.9447,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,3,7,1,0,6,3,8,2,0,0,2,15,15,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,2,7,6,12,13,3,11,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,8,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492217347402655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225855967544137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278254611445062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326752082614947,0.0,0.2457900064426977,0.23117771036782694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601219022107468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23509946421874803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723646840559184,0.0,0.0,0.18168599104389369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907294629532468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26991491206986623,0.0,0.17430266863858854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832778707478816,0.0,0.0,0.2823563763513687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340157808334832,0.20674812854240615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648197261839996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171827551598366,0.20417364402075813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564480068572066
suicidewatch,imjustsomedude12345,2019/03/01,"What's the average time to be admitted into a hospital for suicidal thoughts for a minor? Will I be in the hospital for like 2 days? 3?

Cause I've been admitted and am just wondering.",1.6531081081081105,4.043230459459462,4.9202027027027055,76.26246621621625,82.24324324324327,11.267567567567568,30.871621621621625,10.686352973137794,4.66214054054054,145,8,28,7,4,53,29,37,0.121,0.723,0.156,-0.4098,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,9,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570096068361743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869078447368233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173436605516534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866215074533836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35318139344414295,0.25941043722145146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824484200151859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Todayistheday2019,2019/03/01,Today is the day My gun is loaded and aimed at my head. Peace y'all,-3.4558333333333344,-2.23890325,-0.23499999999999946,106.24666666666668,112.75,2.1333333333333333,5.333333333333333,3.1291,-2.844516666666667,52,0,14,0,3,18,14,16,0.127,0.688,0.185,0.2732,0,0,0,1,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191249768519028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6669741413997305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6160192760644623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OCPDsuicide,2019/03/01,"It's Going to be Suicide I have every reason to be happy. I've been through countless hours of therapy over the years with multiple therapists. I've tried every drug combination. It doesn't work.

I don't have a timeline, but I've started to come to the point of accepting that when I do die it will be at my own hands. I've thought and researched enough that my plan is more detailed than I'd ever fully admit to a therapist.

My writing in my journal has become increasingly suicidal. I've got rid of everything I own and live like a monk. Everyday I make some sort of arrangement for death. Today I adjusted the trustees on my bank and investment accounts. Every arrangement makes me feel lighter and I wake up the next morning happier.",3.568741258741259,5.851204055944059,4.873426573426574,79.71475524475527,74.87412587412587,8.595804195804197,31.279720279720287,9.265573868473778,3.1774167832167834,592,29,107,15,13,196,96,143,0.13,0.753,0.117,-0.7193,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,0,12,3,2,3,1,19,21,6,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,3,2,13,3,18,14,6,17,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,9,67,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013144006606016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404964453909377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692723356757265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891445385794628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852618396304073,0.0,0.0,0.14753353678644013,0.4122570495014002,0.0,0.14658401078307345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246839986845074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269364516980262,0.0,0.13044618974890876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362327602431274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062091724236502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796825560581925,0.0,0.1440205313334377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177414006775304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734589932438749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541824789419965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769424744661393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544321441639885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568104581321445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651937927532405,0.3787439814357892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948340020773325,0.0,0.0,0.1545999902856816,0.0,0.0,0.11073438082846712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873894302232332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503122991936556
suicidewatch,WhisperingWhippet,2019/03/01,"I dont have anyone except for my mom My boyfriend and i have just broken up and i dont have anyone to talk to because i dont have any friends whatsoever, only my mom. Ive always been lonely but now ive become so isolated that i only have contact with my mom. Im just so tired of trying to find friends because no one cares about me and i just cant go on like this i jist want it all to end i cant go on like this and im so tired. No one would notice if i died, only my mom would after a few days. I dont even know if she would really miss me or feel relieved. And its gotten to the point that my only messages are with her and i dont matter to tje world im so so alone and i dont know anyone so i cant go to anyone for help. Ive been thinking about ending it for over a few years but now i just want to do it so its finally over",-1.515566433566434,0.18926949230769446,1.7242540792540808,98.48763986013986,89.97435897435898,4.365967365967366,15.017482517482517,5.565023196281405,-0.9816153846153846,641,12,166,4,22,229,86,195,0.229,0.7040000000000001,0.068,-0.986,0,5,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,0,3,0,24,2,0,0,1,31,36,19,1,7,10,4,1,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,11,2,0,2,3,1,27,6,23,30,3,18,0,2,0,0,12,7,0,3,10,116,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822904367837038,0.0,0.0,0.07088321378427304,0.0,0.0,0.05793073957630807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826163225684235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385958942204174,0.09408341796632798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685481103098439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493919204564345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841166151603219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5990379854984913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090250934224084,0.0,0.0,0.05626584955020568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307359631940027,0.0,0.0,0.09331925517654607,0.07786025959829587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163202578233268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524285640754525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057099699379844625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27605287186083866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363415889809924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323707647592178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990844749476207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698706638494634,0.0,0.0,0.11545114382948055,0.2591571540442042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053016510646105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457359377305425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847086195311668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054585010264701785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582207551283048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783703850314239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049214154302824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154526527979795,0.0,0.0,0.05485825850499622
suicidewatch,stuckinthedeadlights,2019/03/01,"tried to kill myself 11 days ago. luckily i was unsuccessful. i've been out of the hospital since monday. i'm still struggling but nowhere near as much as I was.  i'm working on getting better but it's going to take some time.  I need to focus on what I have control over and taking things day by day.  i've made some changes for the good and will do everything I can to stick to them.  

just letting any one out there that's considering suicide that i'm here if you want to talk.  everyone's situation is different but i've definitely been in a real dark place multiple times and luckily survived a couple attempts. ",2.9940611028315978,5.099089926229508,4.5977496274217575,81.85313710879286,75.96721311475409,8.042921013412817,28.30402384500745,8.841846274778883,2.4103016393442624,489,21,95,11,11,164,86,122,0.097,0.722,0.181,0.9001,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,1,5,4,4,1,1,4,0,10,0,0,2,0,17,20,9,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,0,8,2,18,13,3,17,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,3,8,60,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791355013976954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114375474034132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755353482956644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884523045908198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998031918536023,0.0,0.19711250169625125,0.0,0.34466364777078673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612214289644152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022384107605654,0.16010397818657418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307267680832333,0.0,0.10124311147593336,0.14941839716841426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708949587188346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216389749453246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685637787801273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095604123414825,0.13209121990012326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207147116959162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612214289644152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027664139427268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736222429446905,0.20024086691262585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142265706653603,0.0,0.0,0.18623436666937826,0.0,0.19486018120377088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678836293467741,0.14318507528083524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835069009762585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775392796613631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209478086863204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507370903131948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296906602704184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fantasma1988,2019/03/01,"I'm finally broken, and I dont have long to live Put up with it long enough, 5 years to be exact. I'm very tired of being alone, having no friends and not having a gf. Tried with around 5 different girls, ended up expressing my feelings and all I get is shit. My feelings dont mean nothing to anyone and I'm just a worthless human being. And today it's the day I'm done. I'm better off dead than alive if I'm just gonna be nothing but a worthless waste of a person",3.878235294117648,3.4417654509803945,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705886,70.9607843137255,7.976470588235292,26.803921568627448,7.1686216300943375,1.2113215686274508,364,10,81,3,6,126,65,102,0.182,0.7290000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.8019,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,5,0,11,2,1,0,2,18,22,7,1,1,5,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,2,4,2,12,16,2,12,0,2,0,0,6,4,1,1,7,47,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449302345026006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455538186354387,0.0,0.0,0.15857695943227015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754498036228795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488164468113901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611203727879905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822928515895351,0.4175432657944722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777378419894575,0.18405996225695248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801397291533905,0.0,0.0,0.19513700722416485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762582822496766,0.0,0.09306762336938183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729551894008534,0.31528583535338617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940400655814785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34184860980336584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553967196896254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907379509017488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285191369456208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047387417082708,0.16885013181778538,0.0,0.0,0.1209412417497364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697914344531873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471240705835603
suicidewatch,Throwitawaynow3264,2019/03/01,"Why can’t I just do it? I have had depression my entire life. I honestly don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be alive. The first time I attempted to kill myself I was around the age of 8. The second time was around ten years later, but I was caught before getting to my destination to bang myself. Now I’m 25 and the thought and emptiness hasn’t gone away. How have I gone 25 years and not done it yet? What the fuck is stopping me? Why can’t I just do it? Why the fuck do I care so much about ruining my parents and other family members?",0.5539743589743579,2.5230362991453035,2.7355769230769242,92.81567307692309,83.44444444444444,6.293162393162394,20.006410256410245,7.492282038375204,0.504174358974359,425,12,98,7,12,144,70,117,0.198,0.726,0.075,-0.9521,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,3,0,7,0,17,3,0,1,0,15,27,8,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,5,0,3,10,0,16,2,9,16,1,18,0,2,0,2,1,3,2,0,12,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176658787847826,0.0,0.0,0.16763284808106707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182353299546067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819125838916877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536741540964252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258711449536533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819988656489648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517652146217215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32989555530050524,0.09321785608038824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739692561951228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602436362275088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116031281406673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198115932098202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211674883297168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491683414329964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164672046899845,0.3121169889176983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052376080950774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482992885748989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297951589321169
suicidewatch,l-al-o,2019/03/01,"The past doesn't exist, the future never comes           T.S. Eliot philosophizes in The Four Quartets (a positively introspective piece of poetry!) that the individual standing on the platform is not the same sitting on the train, watching the world fly by. This evokes the feeling of those two states of mind: idling about, worrying that you may have reached the wrong platform at the wrong time, will that infant ever stop crying? why is that man looking at me that way? But once you are nestled in your seat, gaining momentum although you sit still, you can comfortably watch the scenery change before you! When you are in distress, your chemical makeup is quite different than when you are relaxed; you may as well be a completely different person and you find it difficult to recognize the body looking back at you in the mirror, that it isn't a true representation of the ethereal soul of consciousness swimmimg through the neurons of your brain. 
           The rain itself makes no sound, but the leaf is the first to answer. The most beautiful sound that needs no translation. Your thoughts and feelings are much the same: specific to yourself and as such are subject to the inconvenience of language. You have to translate what you think and feel in order to communicate them to others so that they may understand that which may never be understood. You are the most complex system of processes, you see, and the universe exists only because you have the sensation of existence in it. When you see or think about something that may hurt you, you let it control your senses in that moment. It hasn't happened yet, but you can't help but let it terrorize your mind with the sensation of what that pain would feel like. You have effectively manufactured a standing wave, or a feedback loop, of conscious thought and can't help but let that thought oscillate forever in your mind until it passes like wind or your stream of consciousness takes you a little further down the river where other experiences lie. 
            Anxiety is one form of alertness, it constrains the muscles behind the eyes, narrowing your vision and confining your perception to the terror of that one, median, hangup. Anxiety focuses your mind in one direction, that is the incorrect path because in that state you are most vulnerable to an attack from any other direction than the one you are fixed upon. Inhale from the nose allowing your belly to expand with your breath as a baby does when sleeping, a trick lost on most adults who are now shallow breathers. Let your shoulders fall, take notice of the inside of your eyelids. Is it flesh tone like the inside of the womb? Is it blue like the vast sky? In this relaxed state, your brain in receiving more oxygen allowing you to think more clearly and your peripheral vision is heightened. This is a new state of awareness, one in which you are now like an empty vessel prepared to receive whatever may come from any direction and act accordingly. This is the first step toward achieving zen, although the zen that is spoken of is not the true zen; because therefore, zen is like the rain which needn't be translated. It is purely a state of being. 
            So, don't let your past self or selves dictate too much who are are now; happening, being. You are the fruit of the universe's efforts to achieve this thing higher consciousness, so that it may understand itself. You are, in effect, the universe at large; reality being the grandest game there is, and you are the most worthy player whether you know it yet or not. Peace.",10.145941114616194,9.026641154574136,8.900264984227134,68.89286855941117,58.58990536277602,12.112639327024185,39.90304942166141,11.072351349416056,4.444140021030494,2828,119,469,58,30,873,295,634,0.102,0.802,0.096,0.4423,2,0,1,0,0,0,70.0,0,47,2,11,22,23,2,3,58,0,62,13,11,7,7,89,89,34,0,3,14,0,4,6,0,9,1,2,0,5,50,14,1,5,24,3,0,8,14,11,1,9,5,17,50,12,74,64,13,77,5,2,8,1,61,33,0,17,30,367,100,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680926203481682,0.0,0.12015393066615004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934178509530183,0.0,0.06038646182534615,0.0,0.14361761366944614,0.0,0.06682517062667206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723163904076213,0.0,0.17533595271856736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307671998960725,0.13529717965679114,0.08233958236990788,0.0,0.08808060935467113,0.0,0.0,0.08626400200833523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640989977049776,0.0,0.0,0.06872411153028009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710369268647857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681962121062269,0.0,0.0,0.15883308480813094,0.05610346352918513,0.0,0.0,0.0717770645632696,0.13359900355623092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889163952517875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527703940560956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407041051142597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043159277295187766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015227921257803,0.0,0.2302013778181961,0.0787099574999461,0.0,0.0,0.13189464213119528,0.0,0.0857272406647636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242089457177362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171807895906481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546049693771453,0.058230677054096076,0.12113784333785516,0.0758469478224519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940950058002083,0.0,0.08363429581283444,0.2660774651698349,0.05972732390642833,0.08356386350293094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993586001827452,0.0,0.06857134188271903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352872716305759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516009011412824,0.0,0.0819262763186481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858897687116584,0.0,0.0,0.06045797188119596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271596572643201,0.06565648731580828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809297484243025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052173345203528,0.15096090712399782,0.0,0.1870375312172261,0.045792793401648095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671460860528938,0.16350970826819572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233525404958078,0.0,0.0,0.07060993471347989,0.0,0.07086315137238952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975332391565919,0.0,0.05578706558978717,0.17172540017841975,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Just-Anthony,2019/03/01,"What do I do I’m constantly being put down by people who I call my friends. It’s getting harder and harder to talk to them about how I am feeling when they constantly put me down. I am scared to tell anyone about how I feel inside so I just put on a fake smile and act like everything is okay. But I’m not okay. Some days I go into the bathroom at work and just look at my reflection and am completely sickened by the image looking back at me. I don’t know if I’m depressed or not but I know I spend 99% of my days in pure sadness. I don’t even know what I can do to make myself happy. 

I don’t know what to do anymore ",1.2994625082946245,2.42451278832117,3.4789515593895177,92.30312541473127,78.05109489051095,6.4416721964167225,22.67352355673524,6.980632752743323,0.5179839416058392,480,14,114,5,11,165,79,137,0.095,0.7929999999999999,0.112,0.0909,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,10,10,0,2,3,2,13,0,0,3,1,25,27,12,0,1,8,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,1,5,5,5,0,0,0,4,21,5,18,26,1,19,0,2,2,0,7,8,0,3,7,79,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363620925167885,0.11537222145246825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268752385561953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848401035793395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299993806583108,0.35661395541711266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282340999920288,0.0,0.1421147324775791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898130753204673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829185560685393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668584722179366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747901611305415,0.0,0.08620597755615701,0.0,0.09377361536065014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756461543154843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627199499502085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806109345367359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771178121526495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013914879396593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143906062981086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976133805148229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519433575666895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262119248441434,0.14421775394188022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201223660037148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amatorsanguinis,2019/03/01,"I’m sober.. ... and the urge has never been this strong before.  Usually it’s if I’m drunk, or that one time I was rolling balls and in a bad place that I have come so close.  But now I am sitting here alone in my house.  My fiancé is at work.  I am watching Netflix and cuddling with my cat who I love so much.  It’s warm.  It’s quiet.  I can’t go on anymore and I feel like now is the perfect moment to leave.  I can just bleed out slowly and in comfort.  I can’t go back to work so what’s the point.  Everything will be downhill from this moment on because right now it’s perfect.  I should end on a high note.  I have always said I would never kill myself because I could never do that to my mom who sacrificed so much to raise me.  But I don’t care anymore.  My sister will be there for her.  My fiancé deserves someone better anyway.  I’m at a crossroads and I cannot go back to regular life.  I can’t function properly.  I’m an error.  ",-0.4086390284757115,1.6978846582914606,1.9342022613065344,95.9636819514238,89.35175879396984,4.321691792294807,19.34694304857621,5.7366,-0.2305931323283085,713,22,162,5,24,241,113,199,0.06,0.774,0.165,0.9708,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,6,13,11,1,0,7,0,23,5,0,0,5,24,35,14,1,4,5,2,2,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,12,10,1,0,1,3,0,4,8,2,0,1,3,5,25,9,17,25,2,32,0,0,1,2,7,14,0,2,14,113,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677252423811755,0.0,0.0,0.12595104613827848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002345386292499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232786672861676,0.12638670422953127,0.18454614627110189,0.0,0.12880378037869594,0.0,0.0,0.13387348632778734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433067615681564,0.0,0.0,0.1303908994989884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085574526396445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340679118640889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604060205929744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653666118860505,0.10813796847999484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580792931358438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992954777454754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465938108307796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746725460331394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602778033388382,0.0,0.0,0.10691632669959704,0.07395119591741968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661633712784413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728141979487536,0.0,0.0,0.22254710838021696,0.0,0.3502350691180348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025714803750208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814827753181815,0.0,0.14309253205866168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926820884250378,0.1439864818032285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825437310427304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826441966283115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671145206198096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039671599034666,0.0,0.0,0.10752811967128532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TripleAction21,2019/03/01,My friend im chatting with rn is actually considering suicide WHAT DO I DO IM PANICKING,1.3515686274509804,3.8808096470588263,5.361176470588237,66.71862745098042,99.58823529411764,9.325490196078432,35.07843137254902,8.841846274778883,4.993643137254901,72,5,12,3,3,27,15,17,0.349,0.514,0.13699999999999998,-0.7125,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.3584227007956148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28376785198105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7934738780635366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40175636717698654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwthisawater,2019/03/01,"I just can't make him happy I can't make my husband happy. I am undiagnosed with something. Bi-polar, bpd or Aspergers... OR they are comorbid.

He's just not happy. I get in these moods and ill stay awake for day, three is the most. 

​

I think the best option is Carbon Monoxide Poisoning. I am 25 and I have two different child's fathers. One from a teen pregnancy and one from my 5 year marriage to my 35 year old husband. I don't think I can be around my kids with my moods, but I can't be away. I want so desperately to make him happy, but nothing works. I know he has a list of women waiting to eat him up. It probably will be easy to get laid with a dead wife.\]=. I'll save everyone another court battle, he'll get the house, money. I was thinking I'd do it in a rented large something or other. I do not have a garage. ",0.5618917293233068,2.691912720000005,2.8363909774436102,91.13203007518796,84.65714285714286,5.969924812030076,21.781954887218046,7.273561745256523,0.7478571428571432,646,22,142,10,19,220,104,175,0.171,0.7659999999999999,0.062,-0.9499,2,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,4,10,2,0,8,0,20,3,0,3,0,28,33,9,1,1,9,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,4,7,1,1,4,0,2,0,6,2,0,4,1,0,23,6,16,27,2,10,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,5,4,90,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460963675114,0.16384231289639395,0.0,0.14138886828268932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003395612682392,0.0,0.0,0.1266842634087854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415036302660015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982310243299764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695902826490336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087648166150346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379724177264079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884300305442187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113410749016067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741480750749735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155584363485776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410315993922531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27001522115681026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938021128056368,0.0,0.14148926697050004,0.0,0.18273874998275175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537762328880854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760897960693991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371882701616065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591952633652523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171663816962662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953064698859018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816330093200952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384231289639395,0.1736618495567273
suicidewatch,Lily_Girl98,2019/03/01,"Depressed and venting: Sorry  *Honestly, I'm not sure where to even begin. I guess I'll start from the beginning with my problems.*

​

Hi there. I'm Lily, I'm somewhat new to Reddit and I just turned 21 recently. I was abandoned by my father when I was a baby and then again at 13, but in fairness to him he wanted my mother to abort me. That didn't happen, sadly.  


I'm considered an outcast. I have little to no friends. I used to have friends, but they later abandoned me, too. I then realized that there's no such thing as ""friends"", there's only acquaintances.  


I was born physically male with a neurological disorder called autism, but I'm high functioning on the spectrum.  


I was born with feminine traits, depression, and anxiety.  


I was emotionally and physically abused (non-sexual) by my stepfather who is no longer in the picture and is currently in prison for drug trafficking.  


My first kiss was when I was 9, he was 7. We were cuddling and he grabbed me close to him, kissed me on the lips, and we started making out. He was the only person who loved me. I haven't experienced this level of love since. Sadly, his mom saw and I never saw him again after that night. She still hasn't explained to me why she felt the need to take him away from me. At the age of 15, she said ""Thank you for opening up to me."" That was it. She hasn't said anything more to me and we haven't talked since. I tried to talk to her but she won't respond to me, so I dropped communication but I wish she would give me some type of closure.  


I'm a post-op transgender woman. I transitioned at 16 by starting hormone replacement therapy (estrogen). I later legally changed my name and my birth certificate to reflect my gender. At 19 I had sex reassignment surgery, it was very beautiful and natural looking! But sadly, it all came apart a few weeks later due to complications and I almost bled to death. I woke up at 7AM to find my bed soaked with blood, I regret calling 9-1-1. I wish that morning I would have went back to bed, but I was in a lot of pain and I thought my vagina could be saved, so I called for help. Sadly, I was wrong. The only thing that was saved was my life. They gave me a blood transfusion and stitched me up. I have no labia, no vaginal depth, an uncomfortable clitoral hooding, a gaping opening, and everything looks so scarred, but the tissue is soft. Everything is just so uncomfortable and awful looking.   


So, to occupy my mind, I had a breast augmentation and went from a B cup to a C cup. They're 'okay', but they don't look even. Although I'm told that the vast majority of women don't have even breasts so whatever. At least they're somewhat bigger now.  


After about 2 years of failed revisions and failed skin grafts, everyone agreed to taking an extreme step. I will be having a colon-vaginoplasty in April. It's where they take about 8 inches of your colon, clean it, and convert it to vaginal depth. I'm told that I will like the result. The pros of this revision is that the gaping opening will be closed, I will have a lot of vaginal depth, and I will have natural lubrication for sexual activity. The scent will later become a natural smell, as our body adopts. The cons of this revision is that my vagina will discharge because that's what the colon does, no matter how you convert it. But, I'm told vaginas in general discharge, so I don't know. I'm going to reserve my feelings on this. My insurance recently approved this surgery. Keep in mind, this is another surgeon as the surgeon who did my sex reassignment surgery and breast augmentation does not specialize in this type of surgery.  


I was supposed to have facial feminization surgery on the 26 of February, but my therapist informed my surgeon that my mental health is in a poor state. All the sudden right? It's been in a poor state. She threw me to the wolves! She knew how much this surgery meant to me! I terminated our 4-year relationship and no longer have a therapist. It's because of her my surgeon told me he wanted me to take a class in anger management for 6 months and see someone for a ""borderline personality disorder"" for 6 months before he feels ""comfortable"" with proceeding with any more surgery on me. Although, he told me I was ""free to find another surgeon"". My insurance already approved this surgery as well so this was at the last minute. I told him that I will be searching elsewhere. I wish I never met this man! I told him how I felt about him, in the end. He didn't seem to care, but whatever. I found a few surgeons who accept my insurance. However, since my facial feminization surgery would be 12 hours long, they have a waiting list of about 3-6 months. They're very good surgeons and I can't wait to have my consultations. I just wish I didn't have to wait so long for the surgery itself.  


I have been on Zoloft for about a year now.  


There's so much I can say about all my struggles, my traumas, etc.  


My plan is, if this upcoming surgery isn't successful, if everything continues to look awful, if my pain doesn't decrease, if my vagina remains malformed, I will be calling it a night.   


*Thank you for your time. I just wanted to get all this off my chest.* ",3.449859076709476,5.432478270646765,4.4073591345597585,84.278140402638,74.25373134328359,7.858498206641213,28.20345944695129,8.638961771785754,2.1585288672914498,4062,166,800,80,86,1315,399,1005,0.126,0.767,0.107,-0.9641,2,0,1,0,1,0,155.0,5,5,5,7,43,41,1,1,48,3,81,39,17,6,7,127,160,64,1,18,22,3,7,1,3,13,15,3,3,6,44,41,0,6,17,0,3,6,25,18,1,1,51,21,134,24,113,89,18,109,0,11,8,14,86,49,0,12,52,531,178,10,0.0,0.06842879041167482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783207244680661,0.0,0.06373273709978339,0.0,0.0,0.0625762011459392,0.07017716937569057,0.03927455377696815,0.1211197569407588,0.044181486900673035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752644352705298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542615814761768,0.04440909518852963,0.0,0.0704123417005022,0.06378451726086193,0.04914421666122517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415143468443238,0.0,0.0,0.2358922840698089,0.0660549434409049,0.05888383216878305,0.0,0.06109584589737872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461116972851557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948649955828688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238168069277242,0.0,0.1010814516512813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697605416020135,0.0,0.0,0.06496523387628819,0.05115271064712154,0.0,0.06441073600367403,0.11443748949841305,0.0,0.0,0.05518621587050231,0.15571613199556575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584040972853575,0.0,0.11090537983711707,0.0,0.10557182508101698,0.0491253394111848,0.0,0.06332404349243756,0.13386129142757666,0.0,0.03017396859053778,0.055402692470158506,0.032822806546914884,0.048441134150393736,0.0,0.0,0.06362230461159926,0.0,0.051071480710397216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138957200861923,0.0,0.0,0.03871114421020725,0.06102004400224965,0.0,0.0,0.056875843909002674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133421710058731,0.0,0.0,0.03173996945231941,0.04707704248899972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04079320582438736,0.02821558174641502,0.05788446431933656,0.0,0.1022205633771921,0.24249316569507945,0.0,0.0,0.09820040421226757,0.1042500903550223,0.0,0.038551099477211775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820223072649507,0.0,0.11662971675376295,0.06764053414266079,0.13829555884447822,0.0,0.08491135337340996,0.0428236992534387,0.08908655770035524,0.055778964751217214,0.0,0.10839602840984833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177306630689548,0.12290819685233925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085675354460699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531216072664672,0.0,0.0,0.05526257174394181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404978903037966,0.062005950574084534,0.0,0.049321416219979625,0.10987414868136586,0.04592812733237175,0.0,0.0,0.04602228866926504,0.05257687613465427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332358152061173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893459400845745,0.0,0.0,0.06465063313759359,0.12263527732679665,0.0,0.04612224673538763,0.0,0.0,0.06037679502796872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054432258202753686,0.0,0.17369463294744236,0.09284060827122012,0.0,0.10634385021210384,0.06604648562465898,0.13411318986002185,0.07673809603711483,0.0,0.0,0.045850053563755405,0.03367669606151502,0.0,0.0,0.3863035110935162,0.0,0.03921102847306352,0.06281953288786334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988072644455021,0.0,0.0953058410051167,0.10219403496468928,0.0,0.04632660210065153,0.0,0.051927588024881205,0.10707667328933748,0.052113807292725765,0.0,0.2656560067765976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307989396188156,0.06314469677714117,0.07017716937569057,0.11157463064634
suicidewatch,HAYmeme,2019/03/01,No How long would it take to starve myself? It’s alrwady going into motion. Wish the damn Blue Whales would contact me.,1.857681159420288,4.626326652173916,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,86.82608695652176,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.040959420289854886,95,2,17,1,3,30,21,23,0.274,0.632,0.095,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538478927154844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952811678123972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358336869112288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136384164091863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6345907008939302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrokenGirlNoLove,2019/03/01,I keep trying and I keep failing....in everything I wanted so badly to be loved that I put my all into this boy. It lasted for 7 months then he broke up with me. Everything just keeps going more and more downhill. I don't even want to be sober anymore it hurts so much. I also have some other issues bringing me down but this one messes with me the most right now.  I just want to go do something stupid.,1.5193072289156646,3.520823987951811,2.9574548192771104,92.33810993975906,80.20481927710844,5.113855421686747,18.808734939759034,5.985473137389443,-0.18042048192771087,313,7,66,2,8,102,61,83,0.165,0.805,0.03,-0.8418,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,17,15,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,11,1,9,13,6,12,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,2,4,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785299062753566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575818564975264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481269625529074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037446375574915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548034354130578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243629681812653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131045092453,0.0,0.0,0.2060242405341559,0.0,0.5263488346808569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608994796183921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781524964340411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755509320571498,0.0,0.14510461839937638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375680885548252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843182013340016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857027936050076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196073413322728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134015089798644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34927782580574024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loveanto,2019/03/01,"Shitty friendships I get like this a lot. It always starts with friendships. I've had a string of bad luck when it comes to friends. I care too much and they don't care enough. And it blows up in my face. It's so easy to end a friendship for them and I'm always left feeling like shit. What did I do wrong? I try so hard. This recent friendship has had me on edge. When I first met my friend Mitch, I was the one that reached out. He had broken up with his GF and I was there to help him through it. He called me a much needed distraction. I was just trying to be a good friend. Cause I was once in his position.

Fast forward to now Mitch found out he had cancer, and God knows I've tried my hardest to be there for him through it. Cause I really do care for him. But I realized that he doesn't put nearly as much effort into this friendship as much as I have. And again I feel like I'm just a tool for him to use to get over his problems. I check up on him and he never reciprocates. I start the conversations, he never does with me. And when I call him out for these things, he tells me I keep coming back. So it's probably my fault my friendships all end like this. 

I detest how kind I am and how much I care.
I hate that I'm the one feeling like this and all these so called friends sleep just fine at night. I really do want to kill myself, but I'm scared. Sat outside for hours thinking about jumping off my balcony. I don't have the courage to do it just like I don't have the courage to leave these friendships behind me. ",1.2109259259259275,2.982791327160495,2.279407407407408,97.95633333333336,80.17283950617283,5.307654320987655,19.750617283950614,6.079149491110277,-0.28677086419753106,1186,29,283,8,30,375,148,324,0.113,0.7020000000000001,0.185,0.8985,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,2,2,20,29,3,2,11,0,24,4,3,5,4,47,51,24,1,3,6,0,4,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,21,19,0,1,7,0,1,5,6,9,0,3,12,4,47,20,43,37,9,38,0,0,0,0,30,17,1,2,24,191,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209060354667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027465562748013,0.07630833850097711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799637488302271,0.0,0.3727201385320163,0.18776911449180791,0.0,0.1574518926982324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997758313880624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189202278847972,0.09443216360512567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863132562839675,0.1958709680867998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773782138654721,0.0,0.10020639534488936,0.2824363227693786,0.0,0.09549689056318073,0.0,0.0,0.07665510873778733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186910477423316,0.0902304850724292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125799944288636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900025169902547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123323416825322,0.10111148977261684,0.09517049961639602,0.05022654511242109,0.0,0.0,0.09677072399293836,0.0992974619332366,0.0,0.0,0.2678965129292445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769804315084204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359174563142697,0.06776586428870729,0.14097398600111824,0.0,0.0,0.08576501655291728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973292880429504,0.12385890260717095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853582169020034,0.08744961323592795,0.0,0.09187400512306358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709585911151472,0.0,0.09023838038662436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149913875250304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381237297772496,0.0,0.0,0.0914578055874616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293751778449073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988046453323823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607166533074246,0.0585601774562994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861471064235226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893317480255037,0.0,0.0,0.05390525359604822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992259022339638,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chesto_,2019/03/01,I'm not making it past 21 If I haven't improved and I'm not happy by then I will have to kill myself. I'm not going to put up with living like this for any longer than that.,-1.8214634146341453,-0.04852387804877978,1.1348292682926842,101.53151219512196,92.65853658536585,3.28,10.639024390243902,3.1291,-1.979081951219512,135,1,35,0,5,47,31,41,0.234,0.7090000000000001,0.057,-0.8295,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,8,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661488169425205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224277627902048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166265851736632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329990949226522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120634046661447,0.0,0.3455918096830774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612462404018532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736122785692044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934405590765936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostHurtandbroken,2019/03/01,"I've been abused so many times in different ways, I just want to give up on life and find peace. I've been bullied, raped, and emotionally/physically abused. I've been through a rough relationship and I'm finally going through a divorce (you can read more about that in my other post). I was bullied growing up because I stutter, followed my dreams of serving in the Air Force but got med boarded for PTSD and depression due to a rape that happened while serving, found the man of my dreams to only be belittled to the point where I believe him, and to make things worse I have no friends and my family is 2k miles away.

At what point can I finally give up on life and find peace? I'm so tired of living this way. I've been on several different medications to include ketamine treatments, and I can't really talk to anyone because the minute I open my mouth, I'll be sent inpatient. 

I know suicide is a selfish act but I think after giving my all to everyone, I deserve to be selfish this one time. 

I don't know. ",5.7147014925373165,5.864436253731348,6.323594527363182,79.55912313432839,67.05970149253731,9.685074626865672,34.660447761194035,9.516144504307137,3.105898507462687,801,36,159,15,12,262,118,201,0.24,0.6629999999999999,0.097,-0.989,3,0,0,0,3,1,21.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,2,0,8,0,15,7,1,1,1,21,31,13,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,3,0,5,3,6,0,1,8,1,20,1,28,20,2,32,0,1,0,2,11,17,0,0,7,97,27,1,0.0,0.2954174923196448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716931961771097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712774866071103,0.0,0.0,0.1519903924092117,0.0,0.0,0.14045581678717214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737458620251396,0.0,0.0,0.2604987342904588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191236422929148,0.0,0.0,0.1175239475070302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731308739529536,0.22788481016114226,0.0,0.0,0.13668976186435972,0.09631659129219627,0.0,0.0,0.3587727704704164,0.0708505231690321,0.0,0.09970673579819364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024167364167348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702627396299225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611047186161552,0.0,0.0,0.11008230362894647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832154789322421,0.12639168989341393,0.0,0.0,0.13847574865176293,0.12558781289360627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447686319762716,0.09481406040122872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356992062730418,0.0,0.11939550383941372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572780542336514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469967028292445,0.0,0.07986418951688136,0.0,0.0,0.13384455809675305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408370205718111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636429759847307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020175541578394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282250701891987,0.07988089666019957,0.0,0.0,0.14538741720043988,0.14328515193063568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735311978035097,0.19790803123348305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704523716371185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kingme861,2019/03/01,Life really is going for a ball of shit.... Hell in a hand basket....a one direction concert... It's a joke...im not dead yet.... Firstly lemme start by saying I apparently don't have any mental illness.. But I don't really trust this diagnosis.anyway..in 2007ni had a bike accident which left me paralysed from my nipples down.. This affected Alot.. My confidence.. My life.. My capabilities.. And since then.. In all honesty it's just like been battle after BATTLE.. SOME too personal for here.. But in the past 12 years I Hvnt actually had a single girl either.. At all... And recently kinda let my guard down... On hopes of making a new friend... Coz I kinda have none.. We clicked  instantly.. Things developedca lil..but now.. I've fucked it up... And going back to the empty pit of of loneliness is just too much...,1.2473148705599044,3.914082801324504,3.4192685129440115,82.77304485249851,91.8476821192053,6.7189644792293794,20.108669476219145,7.84624498591911,1.4006132450331128,617,20,116,15,22,209,107,151,0.151,0.753,0.096,-0.8261,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,1,0,0,1,8,9,5,0,9,0,10,6,2,3,2,21,16,6,1,1,6,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,2,7,4,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,5,0,2,3,4,11,4,18,12,8,22,1,0,1,1,5,9,3,5,12,79,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.20131270032714185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028665586321395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862696974964585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547314791344448,0.0,0.0,0.15938184836376518,0.19071501897032286,0.0,0.0,0.23448270310901298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489599538799871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228323829342315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241384941648974,0.21094908320525496,0.29142240339846115,0.10078458507556512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377025148705745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789532985572465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164946083436914,0.0,0.0,0.1992395502924645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978981626918965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693049081344846,0.0,0.1801275293456116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26431380040555696,0.0,0.2036899463687826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405287327024312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175731588588464,0.17064811711628214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601560291626747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705223656379414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284625206637302
suicidewatch,dibbattista,2019/03/01,"I hate my parents so much I want to kill myself just to write on the suicide note that they killed me, and haunt them forever. They've been emotionally abusive and controlling all my entire life. Lately we only scream at each other and it's driving me crazy. Talking to them it's like taking to a wall. I just want it to end. ",2.410454545454545,4.4052267121212125,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,77.33333333333334,6.218181818181819,23.12121212121212,7.1686216300943375,0.8395030303030309,257,8,52,3,6,84,49,66,0.354,0.578,0.068,-0.9793,1,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,1,0,3,1,3,5,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,12,5,4,3,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,12,1,7,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,36,17,0,0.0,0.27367274020324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590629631161105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982066124370345,0.2045791312019564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280442720536843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110888202130592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605547489642327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314753413689076,0.1128448351419708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697963869612844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756701914707457,0.0,0.0,0.25647521531478146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25265390141003885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366771307568069,0.1856524389431958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724751907586994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beegj0e123,2019/03/01,"Damn. My mom just called me a disappointment today , oof.",1.7940000000000005,4.1530844000000045,2.8800000000000026,83.32000000000005,105.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,0.5769999999999995,44,1,8,1,2,14,10,10,0.462,0.5379999999999999,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610137956428595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6434678090183672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207808558842137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ahzi_ver,2019/03/01,"I dont know anymore No one really cares for me. Noone loves me. Not even my family and my boyfriend. They only talk to me because they want something from me, but after that, its like im noone to them. I dont even have friends i can share these with. I can't see any reason to continue living anymore. I want to be happy, but i cant, i dont know how. My life is useless. I want to restart my life. I dont know what to do.",-1.073123791102514,0.8159203723404289,1.5512379110251435,99.16136363636365,89.95744680851065,4.69477756286267,18.11992263056093,6.11248444174946,-0.4046042553191489,321,9,81,3,11,110,55,94,0.07400000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.222,0.8767,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,0,13,20,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,1,20,6,10,19,0,4,0,1,1,1,7,0,0,0,5,54,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880287571631753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28817930159187805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856805713741008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481338778413968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6811199726137129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919266966325956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696744291300064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225148149996884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546649922697845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693923346557526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23954443440752315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052466881240906,0.07098185334926664,0.0,0.12829463235250324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311308179241811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845295518854333,0.1105003676342496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307714768338733,0.14938336655614048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577813190169114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185212533143908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677941820217412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570892235441881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohNoSadGirl,2019/03/01,"Please, anyone help My mom died, she was the only person who has ever made me feel like a human being. I’m struggling really hard today with telling myself I’m good, I’m alive for a reason, ppl do love and want me. 
But I tell my bf I’m having a bad day, and he just called me a stupid bitch for waking him up. I need someone to tell me something good. Make me feel human again, or worth life. 25, no job, no reason why I’m here. I wish my dad or bf or someone could tell me  “your doing your best” even if I’m not. I just need validation or encouragement. I know I’m not a child, I don’t need a pat on the back, but my spirt is so gone, I need a lift up man. I can’t feel like this anymore. & I can’t tell them I’m suicidal because they just call the cops on me, then I’m more embarrassed that I didn’t just shoot myself instead of forced into a cop car. Someone anywhere tell me I’m not crazy please. ",0.1853345675747171,1.8207968643216081,2.488706691351496,95.87456228510977,82.86934673366835,5.194498809838667,17.5088600899233,6.05967700443912,-0.5021919597989952,692,14,169,5,19,236,114,199,0.16699999999999998,0.693,0.14,-0.8546,1,0,1,1,0,0,26.0,0,2,2,1,11,12,2,2,11,0,12,3,1,4,1,34,36,11,2,8,14,2,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,6,0,1,2,9,5,0,0,4,4,30,7,10,30,2,13,0,0,0,1,28,5,1,5,8,94,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585474538808813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060422894602998,0.07476544805632576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221982673546087,0.08927910516245681,0.06518136104863342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221269450575858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836768619259467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537205599817697,0.0,0.0,0.06895870342594114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097275585730453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062390049197917,0.09672108022382557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219565178227466,0.15277653007623976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936963767473055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578508139842888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167053406926352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610798564711416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876397116130769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552530175691184,0.10447770811730812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650528039085084,0.10117637619548207,0.07137422426693704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523094591082867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31713838058097965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132237052011015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336403687504656,0.0,0.2347462278671045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849981093200767,0.21987636321409945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179525885395817,0.08231719200946583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178272389850928,0.0,0.11696016274474293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607504920367954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135375582210276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306798050056965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964844743614552,0.0,0.12296012086983404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,W0rthlessLoser,2019/03/01,"Life Is Horrible I am a 20 year old Male. I live with my Mum and Stepdad. I have a job I hate. My Mum has severe anger issues and becomes overwhelmed with anger at pretty much anything (If she hears me sigh she consider is very rude and will scream at me in anger for doing it). So I try to keep my interactions with her to a minimum. Due to a severe lack of social skills, I've not had any friends since Primary School. I feel desparately lonely. I've tried over and over to participate in social events such as parties with work colleagues but I hated it so much I couldn't bare to stay. I also don't earn much money and I doubt I'll ever be able to afford to move out of my Mum's House. If she kicked me out I'd be living on the streets.

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At work I hide it and put on fake smiles on the rare ocassions people interact with me. The only time the feeling of misery ever goes away is when I'm pumped up on adrenaline when I go to the Gym, then as soon as I leave it comes back.

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 I've read some of the other stories from people on this page and some of them even make me jealous. To have even one friend seems like a Fairytale story to me. 

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I am constantly thinking about suicide but I am frightened to go ahead and do it. There is nobody I could talk to about my feelings.

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All I really need to turn my life around is a friend, but I really struggle to hold a conversation with anyone at all, so I don't see how this will ever happen. 

​

Therefore, over the next few days I hope to just make a plan to kill myself and then go ahead with it. I had to share this somewhere just to get it off my chest.",3.8147443580262674,4.464240577712612,4.656690042075739,88.08329593267885,71.37536656891496,7.3380594160397825,25.383271707254877,7.255503002510835,0.9786724722682644,1291,36,279,12,23,418,181,341,0.19,0.727,0.083,-0.9903,2,3,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,1,7,21,21,8,3,15,0,23,3,1,4,5,52,45,26,2,7,8,3,3,1,3,2,2,2,0,1,11,20,0,2,5,2,1,6,4,14,1,1,2,6,40,6,59,37,10,47,0,2,1,0,20,21,0,7,20,193,51,6,0.07190921211149942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750577094548333,0.0,0.3895680063972907,0.43688781785480585,0.048900730107773724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502805930808212,0.0,0.05917515450580831,0.06401444441752849,0.0,0.0,0.06756107188526612,0.05529374542297759,0.0,0.0,0.07941807515728387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194341895727212,0.0,0.07770831207691176,0.0,0.0574136545651883,0.0,0.0,0.04637549291122608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949907128154278,0.195137997704817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907837482093599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667063669649387,0.0,0.03756959538497995,0.0,0.12260298717422563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358907878637901,0.0,0.0,0.1419909190998786,0.0,0.0,0.08104690825200744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142207296181982,0.0,0.08297357606104161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505453484457236,0.07135879724721003,0.06391621175341758,0.07955688896522807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614147275551195,0.0,0.0,0.10158320624480544,0.03513120876307458,0.0,0.1269943034645843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599991493721807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642811231000822,0.15858463464582712,0.05331976962235863,0.0,0.0,0.07647626287280454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545662167953725,0.0,0.04872754315178891,0.05469019616399492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997055869278414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315752054580084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722886196297135,0.0,0.0,0.0719286717655459,0.0,0.0921337652384752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277596170644883,0.057302331935787924,0.06546344598517939,0.0,0.16247388308506866,0.0,0.05948404334792656,0.0,0.0,0.14660477201411626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664565228574076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517512166278245,0.0,0.0786570067125743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057797900822680576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607651955432452,0.0,0.0,0.04193083986078073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764326955811077,0.07821657352724125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933263093390874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470152570350873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43688781785480585,0.046307174963676936
suicidewatch,lostnotthrownaway,2019/03/01,"no where to turn. a few days ago i fell to the worst i have ever felt, i planned for taking my own life , i am sort of seeing a therapist/psycotherapist i had managed to make an appointment with her but i would have to wait a week so i focused on the meeting , i still felt very low but i felt safe after a small chat on the phone with her and the appointment . 

by the end of the week i started to get pains in my body and made a Dr appointment , i couldnt get someone to accompany me to the Dr's so i had made sure to leave 30mins before the appointment for the 2min walk to the Dr's office, i arrived but was a mess mentally, after the appointment i seen the Dr who refered me to my therapist/psycotherapist  in the hall of the health centre and i just felt overwhelmed with sadness an hurried home paniced  sad shaken .
i realised that  my therapist and the Dr who refered me are the only 2 people i feel safe/ comfortable talking too and i dont have access to them when i may need it most but my sessions with the therapist/psycotherapist are coming to an end and they cant or wont give me more .  

im not ok they know im not ok but the only options they provided were things i am unable to deal with and are reasons i went to talk to the therapist for in the first place and they know this but all they would say was its my choice ....  but i have no choice .

when i got to the meeting i had arranged i spoke to my therapist/psycotherapist  she told me she would alert some department because of my plans to kill myself and i can go to A-E at anytime to talk to someone . 
after being asked to leave the therapy department i went to talk to the A-E therapist person but it made everything worse  it makes me feel like when my mood drops again i cant go to A-E because i cant leave the house and the person i spoke to who is supposed to talk to me in the emergency situations just kept making me feel worse and angry and telling me to go home where all my issues are .

i am zigzagging in mood  breaking down sometimes and managing to disract myself but its a struggle im afraid and i dont know how long i can keep it up . i dont know where to turn now the people i thought cared and would help dont i have no where .  
all that stuff i see around telling people if you feel low or are depressed tell some one , get help  i went to get help but i guess im not worth helping .",2.6638561120543294,3.863324447580645,4.083994057724958,89.03053056027166,74.68548387096773,7.398471986417658,25.552631578947373,7.94452939551167,1.2657669354838703,1850,62,412,27,38,613,203,496,0.15,0.775,0.075,-0.9875,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,6,3,18,23,1,4,37,2,37,9,1,8,5,86,86,34,1,7,18,0,8,1,0,6,8,3,2,2,14,22,0,5,16,1,1,11,15,13,0,2,23,14,71,8,59,55,10,52,0,6,3,0,39,20,0,10,20,281,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052908990888425315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531341513586113,0.05579935818672335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276937414208884,0.0,0.050789304868624534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662988851039723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060854951142458286,0.0,0.0,0.05141513026463665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849322574141663,0.06153475372200391,0.05140839044408672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798112306216609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573006520065356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399037670433945,0.0,0.0,0.05364289458109489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207183145496444,0.042640458477665774,0.2292358096557975,0.0,0.0,0.05076979570818778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473613327936342,0.057257281315660276,0.10176462104464354,0.0,0.04773720658770676,0.0,0.06575204255748236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344456988690172,0.0,0.0,0.16002795353592594,0.0,0.11974200610520938,0.0,0.0,0.06887087108711093,0.0,0.0,0.2578891344519569,0.06229779936182165,0.0,0.053052614928970745,0.06603490537740525,0.0,0.13120982240065612,0.0,0.0,0.18959998363827787,0.0,0.0,0.0421587463987,0.029160090051754694,0.0,0.0,0.05282118334488612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943206129624372,0.11952475860177647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015053329223804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044257209998450384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044550689643206,0.09078942064563628,0.06351125630731289,0.07002992249563297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413850800380755,0.1042329037239164,0.062360289879658526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136825421530561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746555789481745,0.0,0.0,0.09512574250957136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709077336044475,0.0,0.0,0.10114533031834276,0.0,0.05903204360715494,0.0,0.04224681906272898,0.0,0.047666175387790284,0.0,0.0,0.06239789049451721,0.0683274211424312,0.0,0.0,0.05625436204640125,0.0,0.044877252432491785,0.2398710508593744,0.15650740372289867,0.0,0.06825737231739619,0.4851090631438494,0.039653440622871135,0.0,0.0,0.04738487062974549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057033558225461224,0.0,0.0,0.12984479657251838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924808800939441,0.0,0.0,0.09575474297767733,0.0,0.0,0.16599155018074974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216524577585898,0.16959994297925565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoFlo1,2019/03/01,"*HELP* Need resources and help in Atlanta GA today My good friend has a plan but it will take him a few days to get his will together for his kids and find a gun. He’s willing to do one last ditch effort but all we’re hearing is ER, involuntary commitment or appointments three weeks out. How the hell is anyone supposed to get immediate help when someone is asking for it but wants to do it in their own terms, but today while they’re in the head space for it?",4.6420567375886534,5.079430936170219,5.2072340425531936,85.63333333333334,69.42553191489364,8.394326241134753,27.368794326241137,8.344100000000001,1.5780836879432625,364,11,78,5,6,117,67,94,0.092,0.784,0.124,0.09,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,5,0,9,1,1,1,2,14,16,10,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,2,11,13,4,13,1,0,0,0,12,5,1,1,8,49,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077130764564704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495204838869955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828481887762732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015042381231885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764213828820025,0.0,0.2402562343706724,0.0,0.0,0.19285306214688336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359729083587089,0.0,0.2591460565981695,0.0,0.4623485492909778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874223624210652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048902091851062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580545794836614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481761657656896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287756794873127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43589054254155307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561774802724352,0.0,0.1844347212481248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throw_away29l1,2019/03/01,"I Ruin Everything In My Life Im 21 years old guy and in life I haven't been able to catch a break. I grew up with an alcoholic and destructive father, bullying and outcasting within school, 4 years of abuse by a psychopath. To top it all off psychotic depression and a diagnosis of ADHD and ASD (though im being reassesd for ASD)
My life was finally starting to look up. I ended it with one girl who was after the abusive one for another and the woman who was with me now was the most beautiful and loving woman you've ever seen. She was beautiful in every way, mind heart and spirit and what do I do ? I fuck it up. I cheat. I lie. I lie so much I forget the truth and my mind creates false memories. All i wanted to do was treat her right and love her but I did the opposite. I can't control myself and no one understands i dont want to be the way I am, people say its a choice but my wrongs have not been a choice, I have no self control, it feels as though someone else is controlling me. Ive turned into those bullies I hated, I've turned into the asshole that targets people, I've turned into the cheat I never wanted to be and now I've lost the woman I truly deeply love. Ive lost feeling, I've lost my empathy, I've lost so much care for people within me and inside me feels like a husk and all I want to do is end my life. I cant take being this person anymore. I'm trapped in the mind and body of someone I don't want to be and ive lost it all. Job, friends and loved ones and all I wish to do now is end it all because im tired of trying again only to create the same mistakes and if my precious little sapphire sees this I want you to know that I don't blame you for this, I don't blame you for hating me, I don't blame you for not believing I didn't want to do this and feel so out of control. I truly loved you. More than I think I'll ever love anyone and I ruined it all and I hate myself because of it all, you deserved so much more. I just want to be better. I just want to be able to love and be loved like everyone else but I cant. ",1.2507977342459284,2.666474367713004,3.5124805286759515,90.78443710172294,78.86547085201794,6.488458815199434,21.153882464007552,7.273561745256523,0.5077139013452912,1592,42,364,20,38,549,181,446,0.16699999999999998,0.636,0.197,0.9754,1,1,1,0,1,1,36.0,0,6,0,11,14,33,7,0,18,0,42,17,2,4,12,79,86,35,0,12,8,1,4,2,1,0,6,1,0,7,19,31,1,4,7,0,0,2,15,17,0,4,16,8,61,16,48,62,15,38,1,8,3,9,29,17,1,2,18,251,80,2,0.12157918494269986,0.14405145338165432,0.0,0.0,0.07305727694240881,0.0,0.0,0.0649655870562881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374318804841922,0.0,0.0,0.060286941080807524,0.042505496484394216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411354268387361,0.0,0.0,0.0684890538648515,0.0,0.05376345452707566,0.0,0.06752353320302225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061979040938501075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27272278800233835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235798691971125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124494963916146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156380831935903,0.0,0.16152460686792805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099753333203703,0.05121785349073698,0.05808706068712901,0.05463376597769909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294817790559512,0.04342809700786728,0.0,0.06659202718055843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696588834826092,0.05619899868932004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601912538727501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005141177176884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203595976902576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698957424649868,0.0,0.06032429053981929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033408370237068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717499476973771,0.05939744856116154,0.06092714165524921,0.0,0.0,0.05104794742584658,0.0,0.3317951058288444,0.0,0.438919844716343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414047769362388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406203501979566,0.0,0.04688468127340776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378845138855813,0.0,0.16477040442242166,0.04623322435840984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643154788837493,0.05307912738209528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191397982184258,0.0,0.048342323848801036,0.0,0.0615223129824575,0.04844143474459677,0.0,0.06341680266511109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103013648862582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04302718643353682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570620818032748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038951516279478925,0.11945093191496416,0.0,0.0,0.06986869403551113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041272142954397004,0.1983648613137569,0.0,0.0632841096227987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226974897927057,0.0965038979622713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699050312841831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646387645732182,0.0,0.07829300897294234
suicidewatch,Yeahokaysureee,2019/03/01,"BDD. I don’t want to see this monster in the mirror anymore. I try not to look, and I try so hard to pretend I don’t hate myself. It was suggested I post asking for opinions on my face...WHY WOULD I TAKE THAT ADVICE!? I have a giant fucking nose and really didn’t need a big group of strangers to confirm that. The person who told me to do it had good intentions, but they just don’t understand...I WANT to take constructive criticism, but I CAN’T. It sounds exactly like what’s in my head, and I just want it all to shut up. I don’t even want to have a face anymore. I don’t want to see my psychiatrist. I don’t want to see anyone. I never want to eat again. I’ve been so sick, mentally and physically for the past year. I have zero self esteem and am constantly in pain. I have a lot to live for, but also a lot to escape. I don’t know. ",0.4213333333333331,2.2772682444444463,2.9288888888888884,91.875,83.22222222222223,6.4444444444444455,20.0,7.594959193182576,0.5515000000000008,644,18,150,11,18,223,97,180,0.116,0.7759999999999999,0.108,-0.8109999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,2,0,8,0,19,7,3,1,3,28,38,11,0,9,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,9,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,5,7,22,2,22,32,3,14,0,0,4,1,8,8,1,3,6,101,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296282841299396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608362643374657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631149166735374,0.0927549977255283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240138993167622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433522134148795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135738505300821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761693937240067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263679822017115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126416524658816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883223117391735,0.13096869558583785,0.13614162190146842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290335513409574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648082090773306,0.0,0.11713621108325425,0.0,0.11139623434620306,0.0,0.0,0.2255559493638875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368437240068548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836151101276536,0.1023112035986617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411535688066431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663357608477746,0.0,0.1158286515111492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704618707168402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498176594101098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171249984956225,0.0,0.13838740571168953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994791067722412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126756905048631,0.0,0.18012717612971707,0.0,0.0,0.1380978445053548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477007599063453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969990727807026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423383590889788,0.0,0.0,0.08542504463953601
suicidewatch,Putain2MDP,2019/03/01,"I can't kill myself Where I am its safe no one sees me. Everytime I decide this is my last cigarette and I will do it. I put the rope around my neck and I hang myself for a few seconds then I climb back shaking. And I try to distract myself. I am scared of dying. I dropped school 5 times I am 23 unemployed. I lost my only friend. 

 At the therapist I was crying so much that I couldn't talk and when I did it was about worthless stuff I felt even worse  after I saw him. I have been depressed for 10 years I tried to get help. I attempted kill myself but with pills it don't work it was only the most physically painful night in my life. And nothing changed.",-0.2537090327737808,1.9836047841726625,1.6835371702637898,96.74658473221426,91.0863309352518,4.8155075939248615,18.51358912869704,6.42735559955562,-0.1013984012789768,511,15,117,6,18,168,94,139,0.158,0.76,0.08199999999999999,-0.7894,2,0,1,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,4,7,11,2,3,4,0,15,4,1,0,0,13,20,9,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,9,0,2,8,3,30,2,11,10,3,17,0,3,2,0,4,4,0,1,8,86,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532549743546856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341654776674503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845782561774852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165969797052013,0.0,0.0,0.15028063145663562,0.0,0.18108421519267445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524336307264725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752957022168824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480394822516256,0.0,0.09115936480772467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695124910713073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860757822826227,0.0,0.0,0.14222568295737045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324141984386053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904671319569326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282639539982756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373903664466136,0.0,0.16741967293177235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823315734014905,0.2654020354721634,0.18566058225160934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540206597238067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174686386539751,0.17658455925462216,0.13903913863698938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997395348577608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024159356057014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258643080531352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174154627950444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369229250263742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270245857019177,0.0,0.17781152076815765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236034384912806
suicidewatch,Nahh1437,2019/03/01,"My non existent birthday represents my will... To be non existent. 19 years of being alive...I want to end it all, but I know I can't, because it feels so wrong to be upset and hate my life, because I know other people in the world have it worse than me, and it fucking sucks knowing that I want to die but can't bring myself to it. It only makes sense to me to end it since there is just so much shit around me that confirms that life is only downhill from here. I just want step outside this race called ""life"" sit on the sidelines, and watch family and friends and others,  smile, grow up, and live happy lives. I just want to be cease in existence. But I'm cruel to think so, other people in the world would do anything to be where I am. Fuck me man... I'm sorry...",4.846322081575249,4.3586075000000015,5.5212236286919865,86.74649085794657,68.9367088607595,8.288045007032348,27.04922644163151,7.3871296695380915,1.2134534458509143,587,15,130,5,9,191,91,158,0.223,0.6829999999999999,0.094,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,6,1,3,0,14,6,1,1,1,25,31,12,1,5,6,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,0,2,15,2,19,24,2,16,0,0,1,2,3,9,4,0,3,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527167982564225,0.13551628301201782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855950428998149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544305701367994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579898996638007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26965981524590105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435081634673174,0.0,0.07697166916636985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761192013183926,0.28146692749962193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205083866114034,0.0,0.15029484167956625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509835996023984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225720066462789,0.0,0.0,0.2688423858992093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161418848618012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119059946837911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155436772995897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107315167595064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626110990042585,0.1259255864263889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040815204966114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754233940399312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591549595865127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551345836264004,0.10813927240730277,0.16643875809580885,0.0,0.09803062863334548
suicidewatch,Nenemu,2019/03/01,"Is it still possible To use helium to kill myself? Also I can only find rentals when searching for them, should I just screw and and get rental ones even though I won’t be able to return them?",3.4269230769230745,4.839593743589745,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,73.1025641025641,7.2512820512820495,20.69230769230769,7.793537801064563,0.6055230769230766,152,3,32,2,3,48,33,39,0.16399999999999998,0.836,0.0,-0.755,2,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,7,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,25,7,0,0.3321245266784839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655998639914971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936511753012666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035558004410139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352135725518847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36744658042726136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505617472765044,0.252595668643344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374420501202866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652350760281781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263106611732834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28684895483875306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strawberry559,2019/03/01,"I feel like I’m losing my memory Every day I become more forgetful and spacy, more out of it. I have random crying spells and my head feels fuzzy. I feel lost and confused all the time, and I don’t recognize people including myself sometimes. Suicide is just the best option, I don’t want to live like this",3.432786885245904,5.1970221147540965,4.836852459016395,82.1142950819672,73.75409836065575,7.50295081967213,22.036065573770493,8.238735603445708,1.2971350819672134,243,6,45,4,5,81,45,61,0.247,0.603,0.151,-0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,1,6,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,15,10,4,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,9,3,3,9,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757702536584832,0.0,0.0,0.2620411544317746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742799670012884,0.16103363646547728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038013699293828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787622784038952,0.17838328581087645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562607273486103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439782715140169,0.0,0.22048665376397508,0.0,0.0,0.2793466018041703,0.2725733120794802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310816803230578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469563011919963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731275298499123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456000831249082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727751161168146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Konichi_Waffles,2019/03/01,"My escape is cut off and I have nowhere else to go but down I didn't get into my major program (for the second time) and I have a fatty liver, which my mom holds over my head because ""I abused my body"" and she says I'm never allowed to have my favorite food again. She says I'm gonna die in 3 years if I'm not careful. Usually I'd just tell myself I'd get out of that house soon, but I got denied for my major program, and I feel hopeless and I can feel the controlling grip of my mom squeezing my throat  with every word. It's as if she enjoys this situation. It's like I'm 7 years old again and completely at her mercy. I'd leave but there's no hope for me. I don't think there's any more hope for me. I'm a miserable failure of a human being, and I think the time is coming that I'll have to end this.",3.079818181818183,2.774567911111113,4.951818181818184,88.70590909090912,72.66666666666667,7.6565656565656575,24.696969696969692,6.980632752743323,0.7543333333333333,624,15,150,5,11,216,103,180,0.17600000000000002,0.698,0.127,-0.8527,1,0,0,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,1,6,0,10,5,4,2,1,29,28,13,1,4,7,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,7,11,1,2,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,6,25,5,19,24,3,20,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,4,12,90,32,2,0.0,0.1856674641443232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656343274957876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552471152380153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740617381576074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976918095592402,0.0,0.0,0.13498578335710587,0.16430014366439258,0.0,0.17575577085157248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263300305068612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309052723649719,0.0,0.1387923710593458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202905980192894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846751891087932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948592371073766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374172910762952,0.0,0.0890579421469014,0.0,0.1253297267429792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082251575457032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112829298101821,0.0,0.1808142551877209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592588072925352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655718420122679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670573854098896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208590357805731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644334678058214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492330752420889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761407692926262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696535360949294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081794615501491,0.0,0.0,0.1827495918277645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258624672162562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182322489619864
suicidewatch,waverose2240,2019/03/01,"My parents are fighting and it's making me feel bad Today, my father had started to become physically abusive. He'd have a fight with my mom and he'd throw and break things that he could lay his hands upon. Not very helpful since we live in a building where the neighbors can easily hear the loud noises.

He's angry because he thinks my mom failed in raising my 18 y.o. sister who doesn't go home anymore and she won't be graduating high school as well. 

I never really saw that side of my father until today. It kinda hurt my feelings and seeing my mother cry and take everything as her fault.

I'm having a hard time as well because I do not have friends to talk this with. 

I'm wondering if ending my life would be a wake up call to my father. This has got to be the lowest point of my life. I want to die in my sleep tonight.

P.S. I'm a 21 year old male from the Philippines",3.45247252747253,4.409868532967035,4.652417582417584,86.64258241758242,72.46153846153847,6.918681318681319,24.43956043956044,7.010146845296331,0.8704703296703289,691,19,144,6,13,228,121,182,0.211,0.7490000000000001,0.04,-0.9866,2,0,0,0,3,1,15.0,1,0,0,1,3,9,2,0,9,0,17,5,3,1,1,22,33,11,1,4,3,8,4,0,2,2,2,2,2,1,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,6,2,0,3,8,22,3,19,22,0,22,0,2,2,0,27,9,0,3,10,86,30,3,0.0,0.16950304988618847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187736592190806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944936625549335,0.17441644950993165,0.15799885028202576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460805508686513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422200039252844,0.0,0.15714501062635708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847399438715253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267089541181412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857336378902035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467116189195048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052802493498874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130445945420678,0.0,0.11441838246804699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281539196540299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123934378124444,0.0,0.09589029659502343,0.15115105060816733,0.1435011349780703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531489989521203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209542680120124,0.0,0.0,0.12632485677871996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549385424674067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33510096449566185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033691479292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011770869441962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885152165242086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523821492535806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164808484091072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478465078655406,0.11400052880157388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834094997247738,0.0,0.14316360611626372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125880936700016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756353377112443,0.11498644182212385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504289965156963,0.09166725710945237,0.0,0.0,0.08341960537626393,0.0,0.2712088540433807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803972147649755,0.08438066542108193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572567625555798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551427816210504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016259251926813,0.0,0.0,0.09212613614192501
suicidewatch,cinnamoncaffewaffle,2019/03/01,"A major fuck up. Gonna suicide on the day of 12th results come out or the day before bcuz im 100% sure im gonna fail. Im just not gonna be able to handle my mom and dad after they know my bad results. As im very scared of my dad and if he knows all the year i fooled around and wasnt studying when i was pretending to, i dont know what will happen (he has a strong dominant alpha male personality). Also i just wont be able to face all my relatives too. im a totally hopeless, useless 18 year old. Instead of studying i wasted my time throughout the year and 2 months prior the boards got depressed as i was scared shitless about the exam as i had not finished studying anything whole year. I passed exams the whole year by copying from my phone but in final boards wasnt able to. In last few months i wanted to do was sleep cuz of my depression and when i sat for studying i struggled concentrating. Overthinking and daydreaming and using my phone and pretending to my parents that i was studying was the only thing i did in those months. During the exams instead of studying all thought of was suicide. And for the first time i feel im not afraid of doing something and that something is killing myself. Ive imagined doing it in many ways possible. I know the pain i will cause my parents will be immense, is what ive realised after reading reviews of people who have lost a loved one by suicide but the pain i will cause them by living itself is gonna be trivial as i think i will keep fucking up my entire life in whatever i do as ive done in the past and now the 12th grade . I just dont want to live as an disappointment. I know 1 option is to improve myself trust me ive tried it and i keep coming back to my fuckall self, and mess up things, i never learn form my mistakes. Ive started to think my sole purpose now is to die. Anyways we all are gonna die and nothing gonna matter in the future so why not die now why not end the misery now itself is what i keep thinking. 
",3.0066222533894305,4.153886171497587,4.382638304503665,87.42766479663395,73.7584541062802,6.597974131213964,26.881408757986602,6.828538100315305,1.137107776219417,1561,56,327,13,31,518,194,414,0.211,0.735,0.055,-0.9969,2,0,2,0,0,5,26.0,1,0,2,4,18,24,3,4,21,0,41,8,2,6,7,64,73,29,7,4,12,5,1,0,0,12,3,0,0,3,13,19,0,3,12,3,0,3,11,20,0,2,15,1,50,4,47,42,10,49,0,7,0,3,17,13,2,3,32,219,63,8,0.21734333734967373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057936462784849686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961834926208862,0.0644938832348663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557078702061103,0.06049086941657051,0.0,0.0,0.06164772399712429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884765162386004,0.0,0.12481469348829667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344564814990423,0.0,0.12479833198864132,0.0,0.22556807008133015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413923136789444,0.1698165151234034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416722865717346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03663177393353079,0.0,0.0,0.0793630008027225,0.0,0.06162404390657904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395360877059595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794310719008565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406533181030735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695362012831801,0.0,0.0,0.19318474455951798,0.08015273356098496,0.0,0.19907702364677013,0.059054609456265485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051172008925394086,0.0,0.0,0.12794543252952745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908530905309845,0.0,0.06538694920283898,0.0,0.0,0.07345067689562079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484996329455909,0.17348137829611934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055876193518601416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951559798974519,0.0,0.07602175715462445,0.0,0.049092490092640176,0.0550998006401006,0.15417908985647746,0.0,0.1608893701846359,0.0,0.06915960280383326,0.05022616801331824,0.0632586062834694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167398547507945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246738451448463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506573102585518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557883389209506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250010003620236,0.0,0.0,0.11154767968434537,0.0,0.0,0.05127891094537239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573814883190308,0.0,0.23773833480943854,0.0,0.06828117443310791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626217052500956,0.13926483463435035,0.0,0.057515444123090675,0.08448976522494289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918728642302341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257162013238263,0.0,0.0597770051163816,0.0854631543603565,0.057505674896180276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307457042430021,0.16177071624857625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332699722866087
suicidewatch,aizomes,2019/03/01,"I wish i could just end it all  I hate how cowardly I am.

I wish I could just stab myself and end it all idk I hate living like this.

I'm trying to think of reasons to stay alive rn, but they aren't good enough so what's the point to continue?",-0.8326666666666682,0.9629861272727318,1.5013636363636393,100.6253787878788,87.72727272727272,5.121212121212121,14.62121212121212,6.42735559955562,-0.8445151515151523,187,3,49,2,6,63,39,55,0.238,0.631,0.131,-0.7148,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,13,10,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,4,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433922514952914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809325076580277,0.2221992181336402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803697445576795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246253070881586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506024190818487,0.0,0.18988888672931345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328726056202287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211023224516766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292096131578088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779230664424458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600160201808318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945828263820555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,datboi48,2019/03/01,"i just want a hug... god, i wish i could just hug someone and cry like a little bitch on their shoulder while they hold me. i think thats what i need right now..   


i haven't gotten a hug in so fucking long and i'm starting to lose my mind. i wish someone cared about me",-0.2279096045197733,1.5206523389830515,1.4450000000000005,102.21687853107348,84.9322033898305,3.9333333333333336,18.30790960451977,3.1291,-1.0137480225988704,204,5,52,0,6,66,43,59,0.14400000000000002,0.542,0.314,0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,5,8,2,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,0,12,12,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,12,5,4,10,0,8,0,1,0,4,2,4,2,0,5,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235549864043982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445817173077766,0.0,0.2537749405292989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135829515950784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286929195164293,0.2315521459540265,0.0,0.2044537432361755,0.0,0.2584627963717893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332738284262109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130536796746546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972978397834624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915009109020027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635237938688209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803430683998745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626712209128286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5313448019087034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sherraun,2019/03/01,How do I get through this When I think that I have had suicidal thoughts it makes me cry. It makes me cry because I feel that’s the only way some people will see me. That’s the only way they will truly feel my pain of feeling forgotten. I have kids and that’s what stops me. Idk I really have no one to talk to about it... I find my self crying to myself being so tired of feeling like people don’t care about me or what I’m going through and they think I’m strong but I’m breaking. And no one is there to pick up my pieces or to at least help me. They walk right past me as I break.,0.9368921775898542,2.2785182635658927,2.5216208597603966,97.87135306553913,79.54263565891473,5.621141649048626,18.704016913319236,6.11248444174946,-0.4237348837209307,452,9,113,3,11,148,74,129,0.16899999999999998,0.725,0.106,-0.7451,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,6,4,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,4,0,20,26,10,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,10,3,0,1,8,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,5,22,3,14,21,3,12,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,4,75,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589726233250892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039228817731369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5184067105123327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181710991797538,0.11238527968171946,0.0,0.0,0.14378230804733802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219016472559804,0.0,0.08940527225488479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544437699027276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685576077300131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001686979806594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132003156957265,0.239289041339587,0.1673933761001498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017418268399074,0.2181236856476221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077949022532302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434544784709276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535903175699906,0.0,0.16411299585030856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152169626867868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207617682019394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644317674257088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160114546595312,0.0,0.1248898845962306,0.0,0.18080950493306036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24973734310534546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aloofishness,2019/03/01,I can’t believe I have to wake up tomorrow. life is so hilariously fucked. idk if I’m laughing or crying. this has all been going downhill for years now. I can’t even believe this is real. I desperately want this to be some fucked up nightmare that I’ll wake up from. I can’t believe I’m supposed to just pretend it’s all okay and move forward. I can only hope I’ll finally end it this year.,0.2548192771084388,2.524511168674703,2.859048192771088,89.34784939759041,87.9156626506024,5.247710843373494,23.96265060240964,6.742157984588678,0.8764949397590358,309,13,66,4,10,107,54,83,0.21,0.6829999999999999,0.108,-0.8696,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,10,5,2,0,2,10,17,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,8,15,3,12,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,4,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6721222964124229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843217467933626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761259380049808,0.0,0.0,0.13134142795732973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178352291626812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676752991768163,0.0,0.0,0.11301351419891405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197507246181112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045671381160268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113507122824604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123769990867855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263397940572626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728945243219188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561113735915214
suicidewatch,Darkened_Pyre,2019/03/01,"I'm lost I've been struggling with the idea of suicide since I was a child.

​

I've wrote this post over and over the past few days, not quite willing to post, hoping these dark feelings would pass. But now I feel like I have to shout out into the void.

​

I've done my best to hold on in my life, and even during my worst meltdowns, I did my best not to let it swallow me to the point of killing myself.

​

But as time has gone on, I'm finding that nothing is healing the hole inside of me. Things don't make me as happy as they used to. Close, long-term friends no longer have the same impact. My dreams are all dead inside of me. I can't focus anymore. Nothing can touch me anymore, nothing at all.

​

Every day feels so barren and worthless. I don't know what to do anymore.

​

I've tried taking on new, different hobbies but I lose focus fast. I've tried going on walks (which used to help) but then I can't wait to get back home. I've tried making new friends but I'm so past the point of wanting company, that it's hard.

​

Right now I feel like the hole inside me has grown and I just want peace. But I'm still here, and I don't know why. I don't know what I'm holding on for. I just know, that sooner or later, I will just give in. I'm so very aware of this.

​

I don't even know if I want to live or die. Life is so painful and I can't stand it. But I'm still here, typing this. I'm just so lost.",0.9577063236870345,2.8226440257234735,2.0742218649517667,98.65559860664524,81.41157556270095,4.4039013933547695,20.334512325830648,4.604124745555138,-0.5107608574490885,1136,31,265,2,30,359,150,311,0.112,0.79,0.098,-0.6802,1,0,0,0,0,2,68.0,0,0,1,6,18,16,1,1,9,0,25,5,0,4,2,53,59,25,4,6,16,0,6,2,2,3,4,1,1,1,14,10,1,3,11,1,0,5,11,8,0,0,8,7,30,8,33,47,7,39,0,4,0,0,7,16,0,4,17,156,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328038228428976,0.4853753763552553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977727994416353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387890470135805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977087094437272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360347244932987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059223707614669725,0.05962002131132321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058396565077567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538083020525786,0.0,0.04807911240446221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541364705016395,0.08153345816925979,0.0,0.0,0.052155713060720914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817543380570776,0.0,0.029813728170439126,0.0547412518263744,0.03243094222904106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060745981281095485,0.0511183813609374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03824898031516171,0.0,0.057240120031753376,0.05667770032743734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441861999129271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631331649273865,0.0,0.1568051644499686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835208687029024,0.08061236930103023,0.05575744415815531,0.0,0.05038879982456581,0.0505000871995412,0.0,0.06384032665782546,0.12458479300606005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618169264254976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022606374971752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426413116303515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072041136848608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894861388114316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788836835876643,0.0,0.1093036018431471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069488008113701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873257860501248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472041575290084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114320661220406,0.0,0.0,0.059655969660240775,0.0,0.06241905436561165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290523266620587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791096833521988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033274637343241584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622868970698055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857042269396422,0.0,0.04708400269351176,0.10097396270350184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051491631930683436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053682333074249,0.0,0.4853753763552553,0.0
suicidewatch,squeezablebreeze,2019/03/01,"Fantisising about killing myself, or just dying soon, is the only thing that calms me I find it so hard to talk about this with anyone IRL because I just feel fake and dramatic. There are only a couple of people I could tell but I just dont know that they would take me seriously. Over the past few days my suicidal thoughts have gotten a lot worse and I can't stop thinking about how good it would be to not have to deal with all of this. Im still not sure I could ever have the guts to do it, but it feels like im getting more serious. 

At 29 I have realised that I have nothing to offer the world. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember and I have terrible social anxiety and struggle with connecting with anyone. I somehow manage to have 1 friend, but she could certainly live without me. I got out of my first serious, long term relationship a few months ago and of course thats made me feel worse. But, ive come to realise that theres a very good chance he never really loved me, and on top of that i feel guilty about how shitty of a gf i was. I feel terrible, but I cant  talk to him. Im sure he doesnt give a shit about me. Not long before he broke up with me, he completely invalidated my mental illness by telling me im ""just sad"". Ive never felt so pathetic.

Im also basically an alcoholic... I know quitting would help my mental state, and I sure as fuck have tried. Im definitely drinking less than I used to so I suppose thats something. But I just dont know how to stop. Its been years that I have turned to alcohol when im feeling down. And then when my ex and I were together we drank all the time, so its just so ingrained in me. And im scared to try any groups because my parents would find out and I dont know that I can tell them.  Though I suppose they may have to find out. Fuck its just so hard to be a constant disappointment,

Ive tried counselling but struggle to stick to it, especially being that its so expensive. I also struggle to give a shit about myself. Honestly, I just feel so worthless that its hard to justify the expense of fixing myself. I am a broken person and I really dont think ill ever be fixed. I really do think that im just one of those people that isnt supposed to make it. I never saw a future for myself when I was younger, so how can I do so now?

Honestly I do want to get my shit together, or at least try. I just dont know where to start. I feel so tired and broken. But at least I know there is always an out...",2.864015557126983,3.8113187236084487,4.54674057985655,86.88465072229519,73.85604606525912,7.864248914031721,25.0349025154056,8.288913261614885,1.3449431861804224,1929,59,429,31,38,653,218,521,0.214,0.677,0.109,-0.9964,1,0,4,0,0,1,53.0,1,0,3,3,47,33,6,4,18,0,51,14,4,7,11,102,89,48,3,8,24,2,12,1,2,5,5,0,0,1,28,24,4,2,23,1,2,1,16,21,0,2,12,13,68,12,60,65,10,45,0,5,1,3,29,15,5,5,29,304,96,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048693857322902254,0.11741109265770848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785811762269,0.04570778107832331,0.0,0.0,0.03735560820249857,0.0,0.042022789713609114,0.0,0.0,0.07681939026991462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697201104107517,0.0,0.04674304165085151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731900902484143,0.057595102146946735,0.05936192064259468,0.0,0.1315760714012216,0.060781155421192376,0.0,0.03542656192599699,0.0566324261307106,0.04731280614977749,0.0,0.057010689182975874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218991685640323,0.05381239603557022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937818340156576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222019466346533,0.03924339448607449,0.052743284370224734,0.0,0.15062041534620413,0.046725086738863116,0.0,0.0,0.04244028660767343,0.10156740116371388,0.057399350988610535,0.10539145957107926,0.0,0.09214862317636098,0.04393409678664323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762470649085255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681972669629538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340233699670586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060774061398365525,0.0,0.1811349715064764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026836974976473308,0.0,0.048505916309602035,0.14583913559304493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670117763669777,0.04957822757824743,0.05197793720971915,0.036667501711777316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071696650595082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384615665465552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710071377750426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052708685439385936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03722330948100108,0.08355644326444164,0.0,0.0,0.060995427277011176,0.0,0.05243875985700176,0.07616579205807228,0.04796445799719968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058426888195135376,0.0,0.0,0.10557243712570873,0.0,0.0,0.058976354232376474,0.062227188517057885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054996462706142064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916056507809482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599620304140772,0.0,0.04228929715056813,0.0,0.0,0.038881115387839095,0.0,0.043868724473618,0.09185113610548716,0.0,0.1722803965434236,0.0,0.06008663508009932,0.0,0.1553181321330551,0.0,0.041301988382274765,0.08830443771700244,0.1440388308091488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649434524510415,0.10559452229113996,0.05397035981128719,0.04360983059712406,0.032031260514697964,0.06313619318308357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918074692074576,0.0597501851032908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474435657372469,0.0,0.045324609876084464,0.03240028605164436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295243743054388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196069555681272,0.15608831857745573,0.0,0.0,0.03537437337019793
suicidewatch,ExistentialAmbiguity,2019/03/01,"I’m serious, I have nothing going for me, recently found out God isn’t real. What’s the point then? Im 20 and I just want to die already. Its like im short, ugly, undeserving, and cant focus so im useless to an employer.  

I know its wrong but I blame my dad, he reproduced with bad genes, so now im ugly. He used God as a way to get a good christian wife, otherwise he wouldn’t have a chance with my mom. But God isn’t real, theres no heaven, it was just a way to control peoples behavior in early civilization. 

Im so depressed that I cant even muster the energy to consider the different ways I could do it. Right now I just rot and watch youtube. 

Holy shit I hate myself so fucking much existence is complete and utter garbage. I get no enjoyment out of it just PLEASE CAN SOMEONE JUST SNIPE ME THROUGH MY BEDROOM WINDOW PLEASE",0.35835397742911823,2.665614606936419,2.833261767134598,89.42246628131024,87.90173410404627,6.3010184420589015,23.266996972199287,7.62386473244151,1.2972650151390035,649,26,138,13,21,223,109,173,0.224,0.597,0.179,-0.8834,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,13,12,3,0,8,0,12,2,1,2,0,24,22,12,1,3,7,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,2,1,15,4,14,18,1,15,2,2,1,1,6,6,2,0,6,79,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307964435390274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069183546347643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264416230074709,0.0,0.13525761100243114,0.09628534022720013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386834601582268,0.0,0.12515862982026285,0.12599616737490033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965189789018727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222625561853207,0.0,0.11148818709467012,0.12601187996955646,0.0,0.06853695009397659,0.10114941234582568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190626520663449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6513167797023008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627588957783458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891665343310891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123947342038615,0.0,0.0,0.08865124285224182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571420980454868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360542829580457,0.0,0.0,0.2647543174750138,0.1140013087764052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745271533151317,0.0,0.0,0.1190730702420448,0.0,0.0,0.10298751988807976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237890931695546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217980057960308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415540956544947,0.0,0.0,0.07113008921876549,0.28716822938948433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185176366708307,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MeanCenterpiece,2019/03/01,"I am so tired. Exhausted from trying to be happy, to be enough. I can’t remember a time when I’ve been happy or felt that I was worth anything. Every year on my birthday it’s a complete shock to me that I haven’t successfully killed myself yet. I’m not smart, funny, pretty or anything that people want around. I’m the pity friend. I’ve never been anyone’s first choice, not even my parents. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to be here. I just want to give up and go to sleep forever because it just seems so much better than being worthless.",2.173076923076927,3.8328839572649582,3.6977863247863247,89.39026923076928,76.94871794871796,6.047521367521367,21.956410256410265,6.742157984588678,0.4738041025641024,441,12,93,4,10,146,77,117,0.198,0.615,0.187,-0.5244,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,9,11,1,0,3,0,12,3,1,0,1,17,23,6,1,4,6,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,7,5,0,1,4,2,11,6,12,15,2,11,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843174444251555,0.11875332854698277,0.0,0.2795212281426793,0.15119010902373334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035304914900856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020620172308002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806988740529092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548605964045194,0.0,0.11217512201725954,0.0,0.1430942133634368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587421964613781,0.0,0.16306926039003564,0.0,0.0,0.1444624737944473,0.0,0.0,0.1312149258524636,0.0,0.0,0.16292223331264846,0.09652175206273138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615873077391369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18789844738460784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484905253157873,0.0,0.13098804671357586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858285622522825,0.0,0.0,0.11774294610426983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727843396575194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923911589653762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461237890332186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995872288829986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990327778002592,0.19520157777698102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530754272923298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40069485591988907,0.13480796660010402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936886034150038
suicidewatch,rbholiday,2019/03/01,Ready to kill myself I am almost 25 years old and I had an abortion two weeks ago. I didn’t want to and mainly did so because my boyfriend wanted me to and I wanted to do what is best for our relationship. Ever since I have felt extremely depressed and our relationship hasn’t been good. I feel so alone with no social connection and I can see I am smothering my boyfriend. I don’t want to be here anymore. I came searching for a suicide method thread but they’re banned by reddit ,2.556105383734252,4.670303350515468,3.5762199312714777,88.61926689576175,77.35051546391753,6.372966781214204,24.179839633447884,7.3871296695380915,1.0332300114547541,383,13,78,5,9,123,67,97,0.17800000000000002,0.732,0.09,-0.8546,0,1,1,0,0,2,5.0,2,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,2,0,13,0,0,0,1,17,21,8,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,3,16,2,9,14,2,6,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671153013183346,0.0,0.1887797234425035,0.1952541836336304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696531813710676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492258387753702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978444848189136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562142643692855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237559089855166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053090447827687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532348459049272,0.0,0.1810127672079721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581251288645025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085740613149167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782440265711007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048088095729856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022935474370425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594914112255254,0.0,0.0,0.1921766493439454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062148426654388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416071991765864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447857585333772,0.0,0.15122271712873414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140338411694256
suicidewatch,samantha_redito,2019/03/01,numb back in my old routines. maybe it will hurt my loved ones. maybe im tired of hurting more. or wishing i hurt so that i felt something ,-0.2643103448275852,2.0155679999999982,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,93.13793103448276,2.9000000000000004,21.043103448275854,3.1291,-0.6928000000000001,108,4,25,0,4,33,24,29,0.371,0.476,0.152,-0.8281,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,4,1,2,2,1,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615967719433126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178244227608247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6749281152067744,0.0,0.2270042340431729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896737369299243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222593231618275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052306986775236,0.0,0.14240695069257125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178813593182112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415430781115551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416686996222402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,felis_catus_spot,2019/03/01,"Tried suicide hotline website chat... ...And there was a 25 people waiting line lol 

I feel so very down and wanted to have someone talk me down because I'm a parent. Just seems like not such a good idea to have a waiting time on mental help is all....

Also lol @""interesting title"" on form for ""suicidewatch"" reddit post.



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suicidewatch,KyuSmeg,2019/03/01,"I dont know why im alive Things have been great lately, like really great, ive begun to be happier in life, i have more friends, im constantly partying and im beginning to be confident in myself but on the mirror end of it all im doing a hell of a lot of self destructive things. Smoking, drinking a lot, having sex EVEN THOUGH I HATE SEX, turning all my problems around and pretending that im not sad im cool. 
I hurt my best friend a lot and i did some shitty stupid things and just seeing him word them all out made me feel like absolute garbage. I have been a terrible person to everyone and all in all i really dont deserve to live. 
Ive also been really lonely, im not terribly ugly but all anyone really wants to do is fuck, which leads me to another self destructing thing, i actively seek out men who i think would hurt me/hate me/abuse me even. I cant help this, im just not interested in good people. I wish i didnt do this but i guess some part of me feels like its what i deserve. 
Tldr; Im a bad person and deserve to die so whats stopping me",1.7109524918490917,3.17582765929204,4.190540288775036,86.20431998136934,77.71681415929203,8.120726595249186,22.956683744760127,8.841846274778883,1.527472566371682,825,25,183,19,19,290,120,226,0.28600000000000003,0.53,0.184,-0.9905,0,2,1,1,1,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,8,25,6,0,7,1,21,5,0,2,6,41,34,12,1,4,8,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,0,5,13,9,1,1,4,2,0,1,7,14,0,0,6,4,26,11,19,25,14,15,1,4,1,3,11,8,2,6,9,117,39,1,0.0,0.08960364812751488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047754801392611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929975100333103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287898818184406,0.0,0.0,0.06732257601617211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314399056653193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936411672611983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172411390098416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848715145884264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772646439440354,0.07408403123230861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698159441396853,0.0,0.0,0.09989963269283524,0.0,0.0,0.0722632423954977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647687692386078,0.10805349982358736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685588266587173,0.06991439774418573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343093766814675,0.0,0.1667543836768871,0.08330982560385401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746643553004907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069006369332369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191695692084526,0.0,0.7351949910067417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041561702863280106,0.0,0.08530866474609762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341640614559319,0.11084014681432494,0.0,0.06677855073498265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288185014113252,0.0,0.07155851453056387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189486131405482,0.0,0.05242908078218559,0.1320662399777361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236322611251185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379008817031865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026359570488875,0.0,0.15778742214621322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322616104534727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096843196900774,0.048457656994165266,0.07430150144653312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225864123207707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460577823368275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824009635636973,0.0,0.0869653957455813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537220636897823,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reckonerv,2019/03/01,Someone talk I'm not feeling well. I might be lonely and a little depressed. ,1.4740000000000002,4.165619400000004,3.068333333333332,86.4225,88.33333333333334,3.0,27.5,3.1291,0.7930000000000001,61,3,10,0,2,20,14,15,0.521,0.479,0.0,-0.7711,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374132102953305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196363108107779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353643250143889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608100694985413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680499895932944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491393522356805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905610870881908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bidingtime77,2019/03/01,Struggling Does anyone else feel like they're one bad incident away from ending it? I can barely keep things together as is. I don't think I can handle anything devastating..,4.656770833333333,7.333481968750004,5.16375,77.03958333333338,73.0625,8.016666666666666,26.291666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.398779166666667,141,5,23,3,3,45,29,32,0.192,0.732,0.076,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847823456989568,0.320150637881898,0.257126706243272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935650279107981,0.0,0.2608897797974649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734345218845175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610189666406515,0.0,0.2767454711106822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798839605521378,0.2232204008837432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777274540464553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265143067277492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172995285912768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266494458023125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758353048415787,0.20021077776813065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,olshena,2019/03/01,I need friends desperately :/ I’m a very pretty girl but I’m sad as fuck all the damn time,-1.6116666666666684,0.34058249999999995,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,99.0,4.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.4388333333333332,70,2,18,1,3,24,17,20,0.527,0.331,0.142,-0.9128,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835653355676877,0.4589711501035682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681203072050546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050803694093118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894910041855081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096331713615614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waityoucanseeme,2019/03/01,"My life is perfect and I still don’t want it. I go to my dream college, I have nearly a 4.0, I’m financially independent and stable, I have a few really close friends who love and care about me (one who lives here, one long distance) and enough casual friends to fill my time. For all intents and purposes my life is exactly as I always dreamed it and I’m still not happy. I was abused as a kid, and when I finally left home at 17 and came here (halfway across the country) I was so over the moon about my new life and new “family” of friends I built here. Now, though, more and more I find myself fantasizing about ending it because even in the perfect life I dreamed up I’m still broken and damaged and sad and anxious all the time. I worked so hard to get here but now I’m just so tired and I’d rather have nothing and embrace the void than keep trying to have it all when I’m never gonna be whole. ",5.582393617021277,4.612294154255321,6.178170212765959,84.25300000000001,67.56382978723404,9.434893617021276,31.03404255319149,8.548686976883017,2.0332536170212765,703,23,158,9,10,230,106,188,0.099,0.775,0.125,0.2338,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,21,11,0,0,8,0,10,6,0,2,7,33,23,24,0,2,4,0,1,0,3,1,5,0,1,1,6,17,0,1,1,4,0,3,3,2,0,2,3,1,19,9,18,18,8,26,0,2,0,1,7,8,0,0,15,107,25,2,0.0,0.16429166469327605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153777998929252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156648466402579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452700072098318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859226144197525,0.14137503749998068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228132769150226,0.14327479833486026,0.0,0.0915848701494601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307180886659447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518973220187886,0.1267344547735015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213894951864613,0.0,0.07244511411524662,0.0,0.07880474716937237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476081595965923,0.12421381686681085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908918079498642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324905836334375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065654847365711,0.0,0.3917639726053436,0.0,0.0,0.12244098867985426,0.12271140861974195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251477688397726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694459728377599,0.2678410335390509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304982254167425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879217696125761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883035694386468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322066918016733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623460223950756,0.0,0.16170972551260618,0.15937144379414056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414232084797974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178637493109497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481104753272587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100947506885629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rognut,2019/03/01,"Actually Hopeless I'm just hopeless as a person potential-wise and actively more of a burden on everyone around me than a help

My schizo stuff like hallucinations and delusions are only getting worse and worse and the costs of meds and effects on my life are getting bigger and bigger

It feels like I'm able to think and work and function progressively worse every day and people are spending more and working more than ever to support me

Every med I try or doctor I go to results in zero progress, the meds all have awful side effects and never work all the way regardless, I'm still crazy and I know it

I just dont know what to do about any of this and it doesnt feel like anything I can think of to do long-term to improve the situation is helpful for myself or anyone around me 




",7.401370967741936,6.570859806451615,7.648830645161293,74.73324596774195,63.838709677419345,9.814516129032258,34.858870967741936,8.841846274778883,2.903145161290323,630,24,117,8,8,206,90,155,0.14,0.721,0.139,-0.2911,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,7,7,7,0,0,7,1,10,2,0,3,4,33,23,16,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,15,0,0,8,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,2,11,4,20,23,5,14,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,2,7,80,17,4,0.12916046335354073,0.0,0.1260419806122243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878335441814201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031199910715144,0.0,0.10628805615526014,0.2299603919861403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329781368449908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220120723979673,0.0,0.0,0.1513751011134131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683303367935613,0.21764652204092827,0.12341835778436533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306148222184947,0.18454452165450072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496202240138472,0.0,0.07340486782786322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314707200031956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196642564235046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122985499530444,0.18930383474260268,0.0,0.0,0.11430294562513235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304044729308354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961651182824498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823235257375323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954360247035255,0.11277793464899664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518177242065586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314771287750978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785782916968596,0.0,0.14656976319285894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552161929203876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769147630157015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252156388533347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28209106684521545,0.0,0.3948766399330403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxiouspokemon,2019/03/01,"Debilitating anxiety - can I easily go back on my medication? I have been struggling with depression for a very long time. 
Last year I went on anti-depressants which helped a bit but did not enjoy how they made me feel so I stopped using it. 

I find that my anxiety is getting worse, to a point where I can't do anything productive and most days I feel like I just want to die. 

Can I just start taking the pills again without issues?",4.548745098039213,5.699260835294119,5.622058823529412,79.98759803921571,70.05882352941177,9.431372549019608,28.284313725490193,9.725611199111238,2.5299019607843145,341,12,68,8,6,113,68,85,0.266,0.659,0.075,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,3,0,16,18,4,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,2,13,2,7,14,2,15,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,10,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973844441198912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994963027232054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945823480543652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122012762902229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535232069599664,0.0,0.33482052601679463,0.0,0.20172497146328885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965582331416001,0.1388576904835926,0.0,0.0,0.17765030513245558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015501005699679,0.0,0.11046473041246056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028185457042707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028713773357704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843717689802794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495917500514399,0.0,0.0,0.1720109911980197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391722763951865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580693654562148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374211025418868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375758126147121,0.0,0.0,0.16250169990299787,0.0,0.2031973218499757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461417595049772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333848451686684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678729389456441,0.0,0.16037528689563865,0.1146442337890922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018257871189788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873653709974407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807924127807489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516765822164053
suicidewatch,icarusDOTO,2019/03/01,"Totally mixed up  I’m an Asian( I hate my Asian face)

My life is always a second choice of everything, everyone, I had friends and they never picked me before others, even there were only me left they won’t. I didn’t have friends when I was young, lack of communication, my family always cared of money, did not talk or teach me much, they afraid of what others said than my feeling, I felt emptiness inside me for years. I don’t know when but one day I recognized inside me was separated to 3 parts, me oldest, a pair of twin( one girl and boy). They were arguing about love, would not say every days, till one day, the boy was so angry and went disappear for years. About me I was angry at the girl I cursed we won’t have love forever.
We were picked up at school, by friends cousin. My god damn mom told me tried to love my cousin, I got hidden depression for over 10 years, she was a cause of everything, I told her pls change my class and don’t put me with that toxic cousin, she afraid of what neighbors said, she encouraged me to not have friends(typically old Asian).. I cried so much that I didn’t able to drop a single tear again, I was lonely and depressed cause of the fights in real life added the fights in my head.
She forced me to go to study abroad when I didn’t want( we didn’t want). The other persons in me were scared, one of them just found some good friends, others were scared of new things. One day when everything went horribly gone, the boy of the twin pair woke up and got us to the therapy in hospital, and u know what? My mom still didn’t believe bout my other personalities, she said she afraid what relatives will say something behind her.
The boy found a friend and then he fell in love with a boy, but it didn’t end up well. He turned to depressed, he tried to suicide several time but the girl was able to stop him,. Now, we have only one last chance to live in this life, love. She’s seeking love to be a motivation.
We just want be loved or someone takes our love",4.840746268656716,5.11801728358209,5.0936378109452765,87.18394925373138,68.95024875621891,8.62105472636816,25.03522388059701,8.488131031819089,1.2358148059701484,1556,36,344,22,25,491,188,402,0.17,0.654,0.177,0.5309,0,2,1,0,2,1,55.0,7,0,5,1,16,31,5,5,18,0,33,13,2,5,2,46,67,21,1,5,10,5,2,0,6,4,3,5,1,10,14,15,0,1,7,0,1,7,14,14,1,7,34,7,59,17,47,27,7,47,0,4,0,8,66,14,1,3,25,217,73,4,0.13895017949833458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561768040941492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911818429439241,0.07827463502636058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083448427128526,0.14274010993329386,0.0734954328864663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631512379057237,0.17922274142976258,0.0,0.1795163789943346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061534308218615726,0.0,0.0,0.04588764154414828,0.0,0.05853575954972405,0.06638642554489227,0.1873191926607116,0.0,0.06549493149086942,0.0,0.03512869287005654,0.0,0.06670698130817278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235169986566294,0.26838140999897536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948429455852333,0.058272409058294464,0.11113115188528316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685922676550455,0.07130148564652354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636338479115869,0.05663147086227754,0.0,0.0,0.07548488829383934,0.0,0.14721693153701146,0.0,0.0,0.0613477770911639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016318478978173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627367708710274,0.0,0.0,0.10214436974383928,0.0,0.05358347221798334,0.06709947460643215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290241972372377,0.0,0.2824687130609447,0.10567787284337367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523475190027606,0.0,0.0,0.12132593717967602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069841654346462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907786216737556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826015996077914,0.11049875978891163,0.13911336973263305,0.07031249992417787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848707611848348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886601808928168,0.0534853183346931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548289641831701,0.05808428591889243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599447192222902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223662120977303,0.05584144547075435,0.0,0.0,0.07945081994228266,0.0,0.046156162536845714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051148353661135,0.0,0.0,0.13277285108978454,0.0,0.0943380509500402,0.07556894737285584,0.0,0.0,0.08356997872607032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293462391469664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062466449307357425,0.128808208477235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935311042010339,0.0,0.0,0.1342190399045146
suicidewatch,bestofluck654221,2019/03/01,"I am very close to committing suicide. I feel so alone and see no point to living this life anymore. I am a 22 year old female. I have been contemplating suicide for a few months, but now I feel closer than ever. I will tell my story below. It will be long, so thanks in advance for reading.. 

I live with my parents and I go to university. I am studying business. I hate living with my parents so much, but it's free (as long as I go to school) and I can't afford nothing else. I know it may sound ungrateful and like everyone's dream to be an adult and live at home, but it is miserable. My parents constantly yell at me and my younger brother. I never really feel comfortable in my own home.. I can't relax. 

I have been dating my boyfriend for three years now. He is constantly gaslighting me, to the point where I constantly question not just my interactions with him, but with other people. He is so jealous, that when I quit my job with only female coworkers to work in a job where there are men, I have basically lied and never told him about the men. He constantly tells me to shut up, that I'm annoying, stupid, and a hoe. Without reason, he can go from suddenly lovely/kind to me, to hating me. He has raped me in the past as well - we were high on mushrooms, and we had sex. At first, it was consensual, but then I started having a bad trip. I was lying there sobbing, and begging him to stop, telling him I didn't want to do this anymore. He did not care at all.. Whenever I talk about my feelings, he gets angry at me if he doesn't agree with why I'm upset.

I have no friends, except for my boyfriend. He hated all of them, and I was slowly forced into cutting them from my life.

I feel so cold and alone right now. I fantasize about killing myself in order to get to sleep at night. I see no point to this anymore. This life is going nowhere. I am a loser. 

I feel very close to committing suicide. I don't want to do this anymore. There is no point to life, we all die anyways and all of our hopes, dreams, sorrows, quirks, goals, etc. die with us. I traced my family tree back to the 1600s. Do I care about these people? Do I know what they look like? Do I know anything about their lives? The answer is no, and nothing I do in this life will matter in the end. 

I'm just not sure what to do or how to feel anymore. Please let me know what I should do or how I could feel better... I hate this so much. I hate my life.

Thank you for reading. ",1.6843305040706724,3.5315958047808813,3.1927801836133725,91.60925688550148,79.0,6.118205439113113,22.66603152606964,7.079830092131019,0.6317724233500779,1882,59,413,22,46,618,227,502,0.266,0.655,0.079,-0.9989,6,2,0,0,0,9,81.0,5,1,4,7,28,31,11,2,13,0,48,9,1,3,10,77,86,35,6,6,15,4,8,2,1,5,6,2,2,3,19,27,0,1,15,5,1,6,16,17,1,2,10,14,77,15,65,67,9,63,0,4,3,2,38,29,1,6,29,289,96,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783445760171147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060191795843273,0.0,0.0,0.050785472296654914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047454358164477434,0.051528722465137684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458113465714624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584334132329467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667642096187145,0.0,0.04927371272150863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280990513369785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155423834772183,0.0,0.05466040327611444,0.0,0.06882757063569775,0.0,0.05582396564473672,0.0,0.05897049787984419,0.0,0.0,0.05817859128461565,0.0,0.24963615575470616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524940091995391,0.0,0.0,0.047680185337382885,0.0,0.06448617368403002,0.0,0.1402942537989795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30464964344181195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520436885736969,0.123808612628402,0.061296058084920425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224835068361364,0.0,0.06827754340979479,0.06426577170906386,0.1356658920543801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310688128689207,0.261543099446132,0.060300815241978,0.0,0.2724735463006095,0.10923012967687863,0.05182432782510053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049259631419357776,0.0,0.09073397595934486,0.0,0.09519548639317853,0.0,0.0,0.05791453230391885,0.0,0.11843274829276693,0.0,0.064758600157591,0.0,0.0,0.046936378373335134,0.0,0.0,0.205578720816762,0.0,0.058913122146359215,0.08556961726645924,0.0,0.0,0.06774358459065638,0.23335921025027398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913395184453484,0.06564057598345517,0.12346166555173975,0.0,0.03953565327527636,0.06345240622700342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052703531574917306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245799640020374,0.0983563461848854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175870126338138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368158030961908,0.0,0.0,0.05159577777411824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251573157855385,0.0,0.05816483910534525,0.0,0.0,0.04960348165625728,0.16182261473037313,0.11363616248272862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897049787984419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742345022018364,0.0,0.0,0.10184124434473288,0.07280118808845686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548841628700002,0.0,0.055687405160696,0.0,0.0,0.05949022102734833,0.0,0.04492862314800653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948375533259773
suicidewatch,strepschlepp,2019/03/01,"What should I do before I die Hey. I’m still too scared to actually kill myself but it’s my life goal at the moment. Don’t try to persuade me, Im not depressed I’m a horrible person and I think I deserve to die. I’m only 16 but I think the world would be a better place without me in it. Trust me. So I’m just writing here to ask people what I should do before I die. I’ll make a deal with myself that if I don’t do any of the things someone might suggest here I can’t kill myself. So if you have nothing better to do with your time please go ahead. I’m trying to train myself for suicide, because it’s one of the most challenging things you can do in life, so if you can post something that is just as challenging then I have to do it, if I’m ready to die. Obviously don’t suggest anything that might harm others. ",0.6607435558493044,2.4153832303370777,2.878922670191673,93.07139788499671,81.86516853932585,5.311830799735625,20.582947785855914,6.2272716619740125,0.04865988103106389,637,18,146,5,17,217,93,178,0.2,0.6509999999999999,0.149,-0.9381,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,4,0,6,9,10,2,1,7,0,21,2,0,1,1,24,32,12,7,7,10,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,12,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,0,0,22,5,19,26,1,12,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,7,5,101,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.1267052330894623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829573793210503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684736041407428,0.0,0.12138299046754687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914933553769976,0.0,0.22096876770845889,0.0,0.0,0.229666079797602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385946840940638,0.11183111007020953,0.0,0.5390142057536668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379113564269503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024961651043674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872977235017057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341984132192865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866692921774341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754797099568012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245851024851068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798302951149059,0.09874926646921084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001479481333859,0.11337138965637117,0.13565529636893026,0.14252546783887945,0.0,0.0,0.12435094936310905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999261669013626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001311721887773,0.09995727223334913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369049216227774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202402368862033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252002035667308,0.16639261975949127,0.0,0.0,0.07571082148386987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763058449380142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516124788782762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922347000527228,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joseph252526,2019/03/01,"the mental pain is overwhelming when I was 7 or 8 my mom had a boyfriend and he was great at first then my mom got a night job and he raped me once then the next week he raped me twice and every week for months until he got arrested for something else, fast forward 10 years to november and i see him at my job and im taken back to the first time he raped and since then I've been having more and more violent nightmares when I do sleep, i have really bad insomnia and during the day I can't help to think about it and one the only thing that helps is the thought of killing myself I think of it every day and I haven't yet because of my dog he is the most loving creature but the pain is starting to grow unbearable and it hurts even more because when I finally had it in me to tell my mom what he did to me she was too fucked up on opiates and coke to even remember and a few days after telling her she got arrested for possession and I spent my savings to bail her and she decides to spend all of December's rent and power money on drugs and 2 days before Christmas she gets locked up and I'm left with no power Christmas. Sorry 4 jumping all over the place but I'm sick of the pain with no relief I can smoke all the weed I want nothing I can drink all I want nothing, death is not the answer I want but it's the only answer I c",2.635040650406502,3.5459230731707336,3.965783972125436,90.97169570267131,74.3658536585366,7.139140534262485,24.11962833914053,7.447530270364453,0.8403802555168407,1050,30,240,12,21,346,149,287,0.185,0.75,0.064,-0.99,5,0,4,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,4,9,16,6,1,16,0,19,14,1,0,4,41,37,29,2,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,8,20,2,0,7,1,4,3,5,12,0,4,13,1,33,4,30,24,9,39,0,2,1,5,22,11,1,2,27,155,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902705592178055,0.085812207547222,0.12530046022163388,0.0,0.0874533187814613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26512356098580553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067964040605468,0.11918550366920193,0.0,0.0858546998526259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576284833465282,0.0,0.17318347987566846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125841695141514,0.0,0.17483945251948696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950131399034986,0.05369530482580929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24659387382343526,0.11330897566897355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777482947170352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100219624072241,0.0,0.11101382832389664,0.0,0.2039751735907128,0.0,0.11370448257978395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166452552519103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275777501615204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357227326674093,0.0,0.0,0.3611038854706384,0.08203342743297125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930158296396444,0.09644667339514447,0.0,0.19722933328616266,0.0,0.0,0.10945122420478423,0.06964249298234698,0.15632889968163174,0.3280771507951305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737721896877396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658398175244564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164231928873036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189777262684994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501592330471341,0.0,0.10284847434837337,0.0,0.0,0.07912064029502895,0.0,0.115047360876264,0.07274414455075434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965845243523346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827864631232572,0.13170718169463927,0.0,0.08159127610272532,0.059928492837241075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818567498784092,0.0,0.16487861143452767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618324870996065
suicidewatch,ItsDaddyDelta,2019/03/01,"I’m 15 and I want to die Title says it all. I’m 15 and I just don’t want to live anymore. I’m smart and successful in life(school), but it all means nothing to me. My 4.0 is worthless when I have no friends and no goals.

 Not only do I not have friends, but I get bullied often. I don’t even do anything to people, I just keep my head down. Yet people still want to hurt me, why?

Every day I feel like shit and just want to stop existing. I have massive social anxiety too, so no matter where I go and what I do I feel terrible.

Oh and I’m super ugly too (M)

I have a plan, and I intend on doing it after I’ve crossed a couple things off my bucket list. I’m also not doing it for the attention because I haven’t told anyone I know, nor do I plan to.

Only one question: would jumping from a 5 story building be enough to kill you? I don’t know yet, but it’s crucial I figure it out.",-0.4716224840451631,1.3940766340206174,2.367496318114874,94.54286941580757,86.78350515463917,4.726165930289642,19.547373588610704,5.916634753146586,-0.14090594010800214,673,20,157,5,21,236,107,194,0.234,0.635,0.13,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,1,0,5,14,11,2,0,4,0,17,2,2,1,2,38,35,15,2,5,9,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,8,0,0,3,11,5,0,1,1,3,25,6,16,32,3,16,0,2,0,0,7,6,1,2,8,106,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411382610644353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872799818956185,0.0,0.15391724487485306,0.10851983520189702,0.0,0.12771683111801976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460881654723896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172645985637075,0.0,0.10009151721904874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107367093503466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603636589005401,0.0,0.10250850147959904,0.0,0.13076315958926268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694812563343774,0.11087530602438796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23981512440562705,0.0,0.08108588323981218,0.0,0.0882040508287892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928054266773128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614540184673804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379493824796616,0.1717064169431067,0.0,0.1705883300914583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962274036074836,0.07582315067931232,0.0,0.1370449316439458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905890074293586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891911631928004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516791128787327,0.23607402821745785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151930436605155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386013859777266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342170898473608,0.0,0.15707124532816688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593111372917178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582074188465772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123943362051362,0.12975461167098326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310835110470444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830077929907684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661652289053167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400443591183814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025001988072616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Virtalahde,2019/03/01,I am thinking of suicide because suicide is high intelligence Suicidal people are usually more intelligent and sometimes more creative. Suicide is the best option for me to proof to the world I am intelligent being. Definitely going to do suicide.,8.838455284552847,11.290117073170734,9.598536585365853,50.587723577235785,61.19512195121951,11.320325203252034,47.8130081300813,11.20814326018867,6.836164227642278,204,14,23,6,3,69,30,41,0.32299999999999995,0.397,0.28,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,4,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173049464127017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513369977934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484361022205733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632134110195774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569584936100527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505182479967165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.912716075418282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069320632813601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837983487958148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorthDaView,2019/03/01,"My friend told me that if I kill myself, she's coming with me. I have a friend, she's lovely and I love her. She stuggles with depression and self harm,  I met her in a online support group for people who struggle with stuff like this. She's very vocal in the chat about her violent urges, I mean 2 hours ago we had to talk her out of self harming on her neck. She also has a crush on me which although I love her as a friend is not reciprecated.


I put something in the chat saying I was really struggling with suicidal thoughts and that I don't really feel like I can trust myself. She replied and told me to live for her. Being in a bad mood, I told her I couldn't stay alive for other people. So then she told me that if I killed myself, she was going to kill herself too. I simply replied ""don't put that on me"". She then said that she hopes I stay alive because of 'the thought of her'. 


I know she's trying to help but Jesus Christ she's making me worse. I spend most my day and night talking her out of doing shit, and when I want to vent she turns it into her threating suicide again. ",2.7731191950464407,3.8362575657894773,3.717781217750261,92.2957430340557,74.21929824561404,6.41733746130031,22.183694530443763,6.522977012572876,0.2893768833849335,847,20,190,6,17,272,121,228,0.208,0.682,0.11,-0.9795,0,0,1,0,0,2,22.0,1,0,0,0,6,24,6,2,8,0,12,5,2,1,0,29,33,16,5,5,4,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,11,15,0,0,5,2,1,4,4,12,0,0,11,3,56,11,28,20,1,24,2,1,0,3,48,10,1,4,10,134,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291089596375628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381936526287381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751494369832677,0.06389337272110368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028760025029477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759607454453548,0.0,0.0902757647804547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299688472463245,0.07487882749115092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429360870425201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059567961008169586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025431922158397,0.0,0.0,0.10410351383852894,0.10322024252970703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478820208328032,0.0,0.057602790914111135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241322117844608,0.0,0.09255229286894978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837949875716745,0.0,0.06996386452201371,0.0,0.0,0.11417269289691485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836042485472947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453290491032076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073315298515485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342924995978021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970169667091756,0.08335194902369245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868680204619492,0.0,0.10758961210047714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069059844410426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343461600889344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219147778657114,0.1199864486288094,0.2292980432303348,0.11894118465444314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849033691162524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642051611305506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006153892372129,0.0,0.0711615264171618,0.11400705421905473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648216313752756,0.06182175272289254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681397109216338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EnvironmentalBig8,2019/03/01,"I'm lost and I don't want to go on I have no clue what to do. I don't know if I really want to spend the next 60-70 years of my life like this. Sad, mad, upset, hopeless, always worried. No matter what I do I can't seem to be comfortable. I can't seem to be happy. I can't seem to want to get up and do it. I take my pills, I see my therapist, I go to work, I do my school work. Some of it helps, a lot of it hurts. The pressure of college and finding a degree and job to support myself. The pressure of failing and suffering and worrying for the rest of my life. 

​

I just want to be done with it. I don't want to wake up everyday with this pressure. I don't want to wake up in 10 years to the same worry my parents have with money and debt. I don't want to be 60 years old with the same depression and anxiety I had at 16. I just don't want to do it. Its tiring, at times its hopeless and painful. I try, or at least I like to think I do. I don't know anymore. I just want it all to be over. ",-0.6308133971291879,0.8406310701754371,2.2184848484848487,97.6159090909091,84.78947368421052,5.548963317384371,19.57416267942584,6.574015621080383,-0.10838421052631553,756,21,198,8,22,266,96,228,0.281,0.642,0.077,-0.9892,3,0,0,0,0,6,34.0,0,0,0,4,3,19,1,4,8,0,25,7,2,0,1,40,48,11,0,10,5,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,12,13,0,0,7,0,3,2,12,14,0,0,3,1,30,5,37,40,7,18,0,8,1,0,2,9,0,7,9,135,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910387125481346,0.11854676733990445,0.1329463345202272,0.0,0.0,0.08369911168193388,0.0,0.10850630740010653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423552964722502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119654345416665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999966725641164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057162729100185924,0.0,0.12436157963904512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647003863606642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333588364442814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712673300873105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857353011547577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025884298295912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456044283142947,0.10690537116024264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943502556767385,0.09301731535033993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635983439258607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148084343119392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642101269810752,0.0,0.12148796199726102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009148500721732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072976808513638,0.08718639750280414,0.2988109818966681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415830051440956,0.0,0.0,0.08226345185204156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703459801330688,0.0,0.07010614775522098,0.0,0.0,0.0637984310276427,0.12575184371188222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428288365913815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5808009561765122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930501483544307,0.3333365289881162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329463345202272,0.2113712807432986
suicidewatch,LiterallyKillMeEmma,2019/03/01,"Having gender dysphoria, genetic depression, and a shitty life. I’m trans I have horrible dysphoria which makes me want to rip out my fucking eyes so I can’t see myself having this incorrect body.  This body is completely horrible and my brain constantly tells me there’s something wrong with me because I’m not a real girl. My entire family has horrible depression. It’s very genetic. Added on to all of that is the fact that I’m so alone every second of the day. I can’t get in a relationship no matter how hard I try. Friends have completely drifted away and my parents are always talking about how much they hate having me around. I can’t escape feeling horrible. I don’t see a point in living anymore. Please help. I already have planned the suicide and I wrote the note. I need help so I don’t end up dead. (Please none of that religious bullshit indoctrination doesn’t work on me and it just bugs me if you’re going to spread your cult instead of helping me)",3.1332860520094563,5.511291382978727,4.488652482269504,81.48388888888887,76.65957446808511,8.007565011820331,27.465721040189123,8.841846274778883,2.461736643026005,772,32,142,18,18,255,116,188,0.244,0.6659999999999999,0.09,-0.9891,1,1,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,1,2,10,6,2,0,8,0,16,6,4,3,2,22,30,11,2,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,5,0,1,1,5,24,1,17,29,3,14,0,2,3,1,12,9,1,1,3,93,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425157880850087,0.15184894911035726,0.0,0.11449718429783183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364657553708096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249634117849123,0.0,0.0,0.12928307333361772,0.0,0.0,0.0838818523899312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305693067143852,0.0,0.15361108009813454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885494272352157,0.14870056274317295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874291191096742,0.0,0.2370354875068629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187591039359247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593693326911884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972038904308086,0.0,0.06957649396600876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631216836023756,0.12721227300190086,0.07189218021169315,0.0,0.07820327366763162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232657607905076,0.135855026381699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27669829516231964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719346315814792,0.0,0.0,0.121506463630753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185144415652824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115444874981144,0.10203129544666548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152792468010944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30209477246646804,0.13007984067696232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662297542027567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477347256955561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930444189584786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105933942437006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505159596090169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060052841194414,0.1202715757078583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934237840412981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353734720389838,0.08116214429662875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017702981870814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044789042229345,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrincessBubblegum42,2019/03/01,"I have a great life but I think about suicide often Like the title says, I have a wonderful life. I'm gay and out, I have so many amazing people in my life who love me and would take a bullet for me. I'm in a great college on a full ride scholarship and have amazing friends who check in on my mental health. I've been able to travel the world, experience great things and meet wonderful people but for some reason I think about suicide often. 

I've never been diagnosed with depression but I strongly believe I have it. Sometimes I can't help but get stuck in a mindset of ""I don't want to be here I don't want to be here I don't want to be here."" I hate that I can't control my emotions. If it were up to me, I would simply enjoy everything I've been able to have /experience. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of others though. The things I think about when I get in that mindset are others. How would my mom feel? My siblings? My grandma? 

I don't like myself. I'm okay, I've got great qualities and whatever but I also have these thoughts about not existing that scare me. They scare me because they sound so comforting. It's almost as if killing myself would bring me peace from the thoughts of actually killing myself. When I get to that point I start thinking about how pointless all of this is. There's no reason to live except to make others happy at this point. Even when I do things that make me happy those thoughts will sometimes be in the back of my mind. 

Sometimes I wish that a natural or freak accident would just take me so I wouldn't disappoint my family and friends with my own actions.

Please help ",2.3614897360703817,4.47592786060606,3.401006842619747,89.63925219941349,77.96969696969697,6.3186705767350935,23.978494623655912,7.359569317364363,1.005113391984361,1294,44,265,17,31,415,146,330,0.145,0.583,0.272,0.9959,0,0,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,2,2,24,26,4,2,13,1,33,7,0,8,2,55,63,25,5,12,11,1,1,2,2,7,5,2,0,0,21,9,0,1,13,1,2,4,11,9,0,0,9,3,47,17,37,43,4,25,0,2,0,2,12,15,0,9,8,191,68,2,0.16042310489301762,0.0,0.07827490453224767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032028324043329,0.0,0.0,0.06414514951183738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061677732667714966,0.0,0.09779243574935724,0.0,0.0,0.09037095188097267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996407659550268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908609258703886,0.08141303729329183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022720032251913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297897389775105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208897126816327,0.15692457936574108,0.07561631300121265,0.0,0.040557371004441366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394249289362776,0.0,0.12572167663068545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415250595623856,0.3537340789757266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077337821413147,0.0,0.0791923017919325,0.0,0.08526112938934705,0.0,0.0,0.10752822563587017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662265953555755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996737489117994,0.07837462576670269,0.0,0.07082827035403151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239405775106819,0.0,0.10708366822191408,0.08132192447978215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083437890760335,0.0,0.08099080222769205,0.09394280078532287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186409413210341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061004500106553325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121718178015694,0.0,0.0,0.08804819750913706,0.1516516874538576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474125053906185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378744596144043,0.160611514034833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379938291210475,0.0,0.05677414966823367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754768390294213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061820997780985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598669738500694,0.2055852960287552,0.07880744302239877,0.19103703877552586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193255552784242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922393267526634,0.0,0.17397201406498325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28489992738065595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gaykittenbellies,2019/03/01,"I feel trapped.. My life is a fuck-up. I am at a point where there is no going back to how things were at one point or another. I used to feel so sad, angry, and would cry a lot. Now all I feel is just an emptiness inside me. I cannot cry, even though this is the worst I have ever been. 

My depression stems from the shit life has thrown at me by birth. I live in a very backwards, Islamic country even though I am gay, atheist (probably anti-theist). I don’t fit in here. I simply do not feel connected to the local culture. All of my family but my cat hates me.

I was born in 2000, and I grew up with internet. I’ve always been attracted to the Western culture(s) and values of freedom, lawfulness, morality. I want to be open about who I am, maybe get married some day, and be treated with mostly respect or tolerance. 

I feel like the only way I could get rid of myself would be with a gun to my head. I am too scared to try other ways. My parents don’t own a gun, and it is illegal to possess one in many situations but I assume I could find one through the internet. 

As most of you live in good countries, I need to say one thing: please remember that your life might be one that many others would kill to have, but maybe not since you are here with 
me.",2.5274137931034493,3.6941786283524887,4.057354406130268,89.21683620689659,74.97701149425288,7.518850574712642,24.54425287356321,8.07648339933343,1.2036266666666666,966,30,216,15,20,322,150,261,0.152,0.726,0.122,-0.8144,1,1,0,2,0,0,39.0,0,3,0,0,16,12,3,1,13,0,31,6,2,2,3,44,43,15,1,7,8,1,5,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,10,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,7,0,5,4,6,34,5,32,29,8,26,2,2,0,1,7,16,1,8,7,160,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931004439876489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254850068019236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253281225585063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139408216618424,0.0,0.23580155110872625,0.06922120794016998,0.0,0.09244615945425344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178548779564568,0.09708926754345973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118444200974112,0.0,0.2713551343346139,0.07667905160182246,0.0,0.0,0.0981008460308552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922806241517948,0.11215461491050673,0.0,0.06100008385548745,0.09002622128017494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596957918531692,0.11015510475974508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874858052025115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274384098567292,0.052437711263434085,0.0,0.18955483889231248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125107694597988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176385815455748,0.21566179214287134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138638486959902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958640714431743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636596815671895,0.08163193970150066,0.0,0.0,0.119181115112476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781991717557876,0.20292964263687596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572363321341098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158789681226455,0.0,0.0,0.08535588248968655,0.10745952680669356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017626336426686,0.08878735459676754,0.12064731609783895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426151748018159,0.0,0.21090917639181925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287237980390192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270165522077173,0.0,0.0885613526820167,0.06330806084956396,0.17039262324309268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873985019739165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrequentSeason,2019/03/01,"""Girlfriend"" is ""cheating"" on me but I almost feel relief? I don't even know if you can call her a girlfriend. We've had sex and gone out to do activities together, and she's said that she really likes me in the past. I guess that's what you'd call a girlfriend? But at the same time we've never referred to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend and our relationship centered around sex and other acts of physical intimacy first and foremost.

Yet at the same time, it was abundantly clear she really liked me. She's from a more conservative culture and displayed signs of that when we got together (saying we might be moving too fast, etc.) but after not seeing her for a few months (she went on a business trip), she's completely changed.

I thought it was just depression at first, so I tried talking to her about things. It was fine I thought. I knew she had a death in the family and other issues, but I thought that was it.

Anyway, I found some recent chat logs of hers on my computer - she's been sleeping with someone else. At the same time she's still playful and flirty around me, as if she's still interested in me. I'm not sure what to make of it. A conservative traditional girl sleeping with someone else when she made it clear she liked me? I mean I guess today we ""ended"" it officially by her saying that she doesn't see a future for us together because we have our own career ambitions that would separate us. I agree with her assessment because I have my own goals that I wouldn't give up.

I don't know. In hindsight (and given her chats with the new guy) it seems she was just interested in sex and not a real relationship. Like she calls out the new guy for sleeping around and having several girls he sleeps with, yet she still sleeps with him. She changed her attitude toward me when I started caring about her and showing emotional attachment. When I was more distant she seemed to enjoy it more? I'm just confused. I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to connect with her and not just use her for sex, but apparently that's all she wanted?

My emotional response has really been one of shock/lightheaded -> disgust and wanting to throw up -> anger -> betrayal -> disappointment -> indifference -> relief -> moving on ----- all in a few hours. It's as if I always knew we would have a hard time staying together. I'm still shocked that she would do something like this, and I don't really want her back as a ""girlfriend"". I feel nothing now I guess, since maybe we weren't really a thing in the first place? Maybe we were just using each other for sex?

I don't know anymore. I feel like I should have stronger feelings about this, but the strongest feeling I have is of shock...",5.3272324823465524,6.252893716730039,5.638063009234113,81.40799619771866,68.10646387832699,8.901162411732754,29.857468766974467,9.081645337920577,2.3604007170016303,2149,78,418,38,35,685,221,526,0.084,0.7759999999999999,0.139,0.9822,1,0,1,0,0,0,89.0,11,2,0,4,27,23,3,1,23,0,39,10,5,4,6,105,80,33,1,11,18,0,6,6,4,6,0,3,0,4,30,36,0,2,19,4,0,7,12,8,0,4,26,11,83,15,59,46,16,66,0,2,2,5,68,26,0,12,38,303,113,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811459714865553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056600077122808734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745993210207214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816630443923272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230501866045476,0.0,0.08293163440813227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837539474316136,0.0,0.06935335942585906,0.0,0.14391733703072854,0.0,0.07132018108311143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858758429741169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364795576654355,0.15303206497473196,0.06024764687440867,0.0,0.07586294506346912,0.044928146649984124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641254548683095,0.0,0.17197081956911084,0.04859520856342788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735794289679787,0.0,0.07458303895781444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525327415901859,0.0,0.0,0.05440371874941536,0.0,0.2248029924368079,0.1347057198988315,0.0,0.0,0.06093469992411458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698835147080137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099770173944038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214997878956774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939382104002126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436442954238752,0.04540547311257599,0.0,0.13667526592225587,0.0740963234798176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216100564139903,0.0,0.0,0.054294822230370486,0.14459406972626965,0.0,0.0,0.05246306013589196,0.13139289507194585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652693171825384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460937314760615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493506755545228,0.0,0.0,0.07106891907283537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742437110882955,0.21788442224307256,0.0,0.06716390322894629,0.14606117904759364,0.0,0.05809074886111198,0.06470486926926626,0.10818826850495823,0.0,0.0,0.10841007489224844,0.12385005709559305,0.0,0.07684593819421022,0.0,0.056268823417769,0.0,0.34035757167238323,0.0,0.11527029955860214,0.05236695861673921,0.0,0.0,0.048146597311331266,0.07250281641045167,0.21729107210269405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411029697720777,0.0,0.0,0.054673819940024335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557315888162175,0.0,0.0,0.21600871596721946,0.15865760907238408,0.0,0.06447727148147636,0.0,0.0,0.09236547456201914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364511809257473,0.11749900854332725,0.0,0.0,0.1203641029641122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305743644091175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449634612701092,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CompletedQuill,2019/03/01,"Everyone deserves to live... But not everyone is meant to.

Some things aren't worth repairing. ",3.314791666666668,6.213382562500001,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,98.375,9.633333333333333,30.33333333333333,8.841846274778883,4.434858333333334,75,4,12,3,3,23,14,16,0.106,0.894,0.0,-0.1695,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8656989412427395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39999672553165744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009451157522776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wellthatwas257936810,2019/03/02,"Why is suicide so mentally challenging? I've been suicidal in the past and the reasons weren't illogical. Happy or sad, I would want to die. Every morning I woke up and said to myself ""I wish I could sleep forever"" completely forgetting that is a euphemism for death. Considering all that is true, why is suicide such a mentally tasking act? I don't believe it's because I didn't want to die, I absolutely did. I'd imagine the survival instinct isn't that strong to the point of affecting thoughts of going through with it.",4.5549,6.46878929,5.805,75.70750000000002,71.1,9.4,36.5,9.827888789773867,4.0365,419,24,74,11,8,140,67,100,0.298,0.616,0.087,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,6,0,12,1,1,2,2,16,19,4,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,7,1,8,4,11,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,48,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082141371803617,0.0,0.0,0.1863401204370589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341034057133034,0.0,0.0,0.13205203511061098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34330151901467537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934987343852778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399607166395292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760628343595254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333524232639861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578853559932951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634887713617654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700504977633532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732564396508342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551142053596155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427359340265171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313027548212484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951049457118473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984810673009866,0.0,0.19019261054993247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748971472723488,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twelveoh7,2019/03/02,"When will it be time? I tried to “fake it til you make it” and it actually worked for a quite a few months. Until now. It’s always when I come to a realization that I’m just living and not accomplishing anything. I mean, I’m in school and I’m pretty sure I’ll graduate at the end of the semester, but that doesn’t mean I’m smart. At this point in my life this is what I’m thinking;

- I have bipolar disorder so I’m not supposed to party or do any drugs. This excludes me from a lot of events and if they’re aware of my mood disorder, I feel like they take pity on me. Not to mention, just having to open up to tell someone about my illness is horrifying. I can’t even imagine telling my future S.O without it changing the way he thinks about me. (If I ever get a S.O)

- I’m just passing my graphic design program and don’t really have a creative drive anymore. I partly blame it on the medication I’m taking but to be honest here, I have no talent. 

- I’m only good looking when I cake on a face. I am extremely insecure without my makeup and wouldn’t be surprised if no one wanted to look at me in the eye.

- Some people say I’m “thicc”, but I just think it’s a nice way of saying you’re fat with a nice butt. I’m also insecure about my body image.

- I really like a guy im seeing but I don’t think he’ll ever like me for me. He doesn’t even know I’m bipolar yet. We’re just hooking up so far. I do enjoy it but at the end of the day, it feels bad and I’m lonely. Cuddles after sex only helps for a second and feels fake as fuck. 

- Since im not smart and have no talent, how will I make a living other then getting disability money? I don’t want to keep living for nothing and look like a loser without a job. 

So, from all this, I just think; what’s the point? What am I really here for? To eat, sleep, and cry? Why do I need to be here for? Why am I such a pussy and am not able to kill myself? I just want to end me. I don’t want to hurt my friend and family. I’m so lost. 
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suicidewatch,KingDudel,2019/03/02,"If I could not exist that would be great. I want to die, but I don’t want to let anyone down or make them sad. If I just don’t exist, nobody would care or be disappointed. ",1.1404385964912258,2.133370763157899,3.3236842105263165,93.79412280701756,78.21052631578948,6.119298245614036,15.298245614035089,6.42735559955562,-0.746343859649123,131,1,33,1,3,45,26,38,0.238,0.5529999999999999,0.209,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,12,5,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,3,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855032863030755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332587864227506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609736443969255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33923236574587656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603677991987616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342397373026719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818370431823486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855847331670063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643884360561105,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No_sanity-left,2019/03/02,Im giving up I tried so hard to get to a point where I can be happy but it never gets closer. Nothing will ever go my way,-3.4255172413793105,-2.045985275862069,0.9133793103448262,98.84455172413792,108.65517241379312,2.32,9.248275862068963,3.1291,-2.0514468965517247,93,1,23,0,5,35,26,29,0.052000000000000005,0.8,0.147,0.3853,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896024011986572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334540022861481,0.3071259577596069,0.1819538987660087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408155103974952,0.28679983213380883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34582696555962017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24692657646526306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072014670582189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026540073325723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173671375450825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412753688583106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MicrosoftBellevue,2019/03/02,"It is time I just wanted to say my goodbyes.

Patrick, Ryan, and Emily. I love you so much. I know I can't help you to understand why I did this, but I really hope you will forgive me in time. You are great kids and I am so proud of what you have become.

Mom and Dad, thank you for being such great parents. You really are the best people I could have hoped for.

Karen, I'm not sure what to say. We met when I felt like this fog was gone. I was feeling healthy and happy. You made my last few months filed with love. I just wish I could have given you the joy that you have given me.

Like Waylon sang to Willie. Don't be grieving, I'm leaving. If you see me getting smaller don't worry, I've got the right to disappear.

May your lives be filled with warmth and love.

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suicidewatch,-yesman-,2019/03/02,"I've ruined everything My friends hung out without me. They were planning to surprise me, and i did not know. I accused them if leaving me out on purpose. They're not surprising me anymore. I can't keep living like this I'm having vivid thoughts of suicide. I don't know what to do.",1.150902255639096,3.672453263157898,2.4909774436090224,91.70684210526319,86.54385964912281,4.660651629072682,29.195488721804512,6.18269132825596,1.3717488721804512,224,12,44,2,7,72,42,57,0.193,0.688,0.119,-0.6636,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,11,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,1,11,4,7,8,0,3,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255187731321311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949945071655037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535918737972526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29174842478259,0.0,0.0,0.3607763637348147,0.0,0.0,0.34755117876427216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035798330596926,0.0,0.289835606458432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590334467104919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605802067110901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164047395409316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GOODLOOKINGTODD,2019/03/02,"Starting to think the universe feeds off of suffering. Why else with everybody try to keep you from killing yourself when you have nothing but agony in your future?
I have a cognitive disability ""RETARDED""
Just stupid enough to fuck up every single situation I encounter, but just smart enough to know what that means. I'm a burden on my family. But their desire to do ""GOOD"" tries to keep me from ending it. How could I or anyone else live knowing this? You always like to think that mentally deficient people aren't sentient, and that they're always happy and giddy. Well I tell you no. I wish every single person with my situation would have been aborted. Nobody deserves this.
But that brings me back to the title. Maybe we are in The matrix and suffering feeds it. So people like me are the biggest plumpest cow for the milking...",4.378051948051946,6.8615281038961085,4.714285714285714,80.85571428571431,73.15584415584415,7.257142857142857,25.935064935064936,8.192908349453996,1.8840051948051948,664,23,113,11,14,209,101,154,0.146,0.6990000000000001,0.154,0.3417,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,1,5,1,0,7,12,3,0,7,0,10,4,0,1,0,25,22,11,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,2,5,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,1,0,17,6,19,19,4,12,0,2,0,1,9,6,1,1,7,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422244306187787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177442784154507,0.14913681473891546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192169699736736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621266746539174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24318263133113094,0.0,0.12891724448193378,0.3007914562497209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452702904531727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721493488378186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345619133980292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208341366949385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494446265291795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587493695846784,0.16103343972642692,0.0,0.15998485124127151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222022661890982,0.0,0.1285264530737365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622810670317746,0.1585504886053502,0.0,0.0,0.14668374584727326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966255873744893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181701209998465,0.12709174733730266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272165817878264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302355326004636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722021997361466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865296778434322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976426148331379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087012351978758,0.0,0.13133944126612512,0.0,0.16737940150411207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339706719978256,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsTooLoudOutHere,2019/03/02,"beatdown My hands hurt, my head hurts, my back and body aches. My soul is broken.

I was in hypomania mid-week and crashed **hard** into a depressive episode last night. I spent about 4.5 hours driving 200 miles to nowhere in particular while listening to sad songs and crying today.

I want to be with my sister or my dad without having to talk and just knowing they are present. Instead I'm alone on my couch trying to make it to bedtime.",1.3585714285714303,4.0518315238095255,2.1709523809523823,91.96571428571433,90.90476190476193,4.704761904761905,23.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.7702809523809528,344,14,67,4,12,107,66,84,0.242,0.7440000000000001,0.014,-0.9643,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,5,3,3,1,0,12,11,6,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,11,0,13,8,0,13,1,4,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24096096267417996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889774073316395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25842784414126835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555611738029467,0.0,0.0,0.2003858661032283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841365566549666,0.0,0.2387716937434957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911883105064346,0.0,0.4981251111053162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278613941998575,0.189645308149771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529937212127634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833145332781295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869997012718229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053023767288907,0.0,0.0,0.15795783219349765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137226258825099,0.0,0.18662223169526396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427162749987176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mashpotatojohnson,2019/03/02,"I'm so fucking useless My wife is in danger of failing medical school, which is partly due to my anger issues creating another level of problems for her to get through in order to just focus on studying. 

I'm fucking garbage. Everyone I've met would've been better off without ever meeting me. No matter how much I try to improve myself I can never undo the damage I've done. I'm just too cowardly to finish the job.",4.383413654618476,5.650602060240967,6.2965662650602425,74.55802208835345,70.56626506024097,7.9429718875502004,33.110441767068274,8.344100000000001,2.936969477911646,333,16,55,5,6,116,62,83,0.222,0.6559999999999999,0.122,-0.8896,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,2,9,12,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,7,1,14,9,2,10,0,3,0,2,4,5,2,0,4,39,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500647263485342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109142004891995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404554787774474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571678852144605,0.0,0.2278757209960075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409376957309232,0.12459478765520755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489088246944095,0.23665238071479666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402412557288333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753085944152855,0.0,0.1839287514717223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25824817637813324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281910107733159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241352226509302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619107460685725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22988405213130045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694077596145243,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kraftykiwi69,2019/03/02,"Every night is the same... I lay awake for hours trying to get to sleep, and every night I feel more more tired thinking about a rope on my neck. Slowly building up to the sweet release when I do it. I don’t know what to do anymore. ",1.8047959183673468,3.1433665714285723,2.914030612244897,95.9890051020408,77.16326530612245,4.9,20.413265306122447,3.1291,-0.5041469387755102,178,4,41,0,4,57,37,49,0.073,0.8640000000000001,0.063,-0.1208,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,8,8,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823150894322947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796917086699168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393716623651112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872776859511105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803415575305682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644660124027526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342850205996611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848745182258967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824043583041464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32718506282668985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327151984067745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lunakhalani,2019/03/02,"I’m tired I’m really tired of mental illness and struggle and not knowing who I am. I’m tired of living for everyone else. I’m tired of being depressed. I’m tired of being pushed aside. I’m tired of being invisible. I’m tired of laying here and wondering when it will get better. I’m tired of knowing that I can’t be positive no matter how hard I try. The meds only help somewhat. I wanna sleep forever as cliche as that is, I don’t want there to be a heaven or hell. I just want there to be peace in death. I just wanna give up and be in peace.",0.1123598435462867,2.166839101694915,2.8500000000000014,90.79649934810949,85.94915254237291,5.664667535853977,18.39895697522816,7.010146845296331,0.23071238591916554,426,11,94,6,13,149,65,118,0.305,0.532,0.162,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,2,0,12,10,1,1,0,18,27,9,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,17,19,1,5,2,1,0,0,3,3,1,3,1,57,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823315795219426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859265940141418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833400273521804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532878505798133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052122576638764434,0.09570272719032703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936895563356184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686971171248338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965537962476388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809344693748873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108153228433656,0.0,0.10053865544687116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587502371895474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391137820957556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983605650053767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042950023827868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9173124117080952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773321283674083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117686793579239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818981116605304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myeyeshurthelp,2019/03/02,i wish i had a solution to my depression i just really really want to die. i wish had done so years ago but people always told me it would get better but it hasn’t. my life has just spiraling downhill since i was 11. i have a rope in my closet that i might use to hang myself soon. the problem atm is i’m too tired to get up the motivation to do the deed. every day for the past 6 years i’ve thought about dying. i have plenty to live for but the pain i’m in is excruciating. i don’t know how to relieve it. i just want things to be different. i just don’t know what to do. i just wish i could have peace.,-0.5486318407960198,1.3789065746268676,2.335791044776119,94.227368159204,87.73134328358209,5.961393034825871,16.396019900497514,7.3011,-0.06455562189054698,467,10,115,8,15,164,76,134,0.155,0.6559999999999999,0.189,0.217,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,7,0,19,3,0,3,0,23,33,5,2,8,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,18,2,15,23,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,77,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811821677116673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964832860213052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780333136322326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440345559524388,0.0,0.0,0.10048605365364342,0.0,0.13420091927639616,0.0,0.3234171683969008,0.16279070704022294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159450095934334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127859618363238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281100816879532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712607478288221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005484656049527,0.0,0.0,0.13758512945703066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529224423770594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579528958624684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487404859531231,0.10802064116901046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909134329869053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963471859561607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288895577420046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351477916526383,0.0,0.0,0.12369757433314875,0.0,0.17908333608366622,0.0,0.14888534492799246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457181371852764,0.0,0.0,0.1838042816223581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375294207606831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068459866388657,0.0,0.0,0.20067604572337785
suicidewatch,DespressoCafe,2019/03/02,"Things are supposed to get better? Yeah right. Maybe when you're dead. I'm done. There's not much more that I can say. 19 years on this shithole rock and for what? They say childhood is supposed to be great but not mine. They say high school is supposed to be the best years of your life. Mine were nothing but being alone and constantly bullied. You'd think at home I'd have a little respite, but no. Dad's a verbally abusive bastard who should've been put away ages ago. I have no money, no way to treat myself, and nowhere to go but 6 feet under. I'm ready to go at any given time. My life has no value to me, anyway.",0.4686046511627886,2.728490434108529,1.5764031007751953,99.07809302325585,86.51937984496124,4.0601550387596905,18.677519379844966,5.2151,-0.5930489922480621,482,13,109,2,15,151,92,129,0.189,0.655,0.157,-0.7856,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,2,2,3,5,1,0,3,1,14,3,1,0,0,10,21,8,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,6,1,0,0,4,3,11,4,14,13,3,20,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,0,8,65,16,1,0.0,0.21274796872438048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916815625804934,0.0,0.0,0.1859688979133946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221062288013329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870152415933287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884360176837692,0.1588052806650494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403941236289146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837511255092831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381212918378476,0.0,0.20409495414661175,0.0,0.0,0.19796435270501997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971386655895134,0.18011224574853638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25365556294893343,0.0,0.17996521830286027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803910781616733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199647285266766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229163474438253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050631777448886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334234395030508,0.0,0.4283774010248928,0.0,0.1817232219596659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929097356137988,0.11505411118953908,0.0,0.0,0.10470225525443873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425255197603777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126012592434544
suicidewatch,zacollins32,2019/03/02,I need help Justsdrunk sadguy who wants to die,0.706666666666667,2.4502824444444467,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,113.44444444444444,1.8,15.611111111111107,3.1291,-1.5881555555555549,38,1,8,0,2,10,9,9,0.31,0.476,0.214,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6665873798375557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43050812920443465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762440126052925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788346026801277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thnks_fr_th_drgs,2019/03/02,"Just wanna reach out to someone, something. Its all in the title, i just want someone to lie to me that everything will get better, its better than nothing at this point.",6.293125,6.971867062499999,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,65.875,7.65,31.625,7.1686216300943375,2.0811375,134,5,23,1,2,42,26,32,0.0,0.767,0.233,0.7351,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563999100933759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28656449965031383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658752245126354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30594803487421274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30141912952732663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403261923314732,0.2454686025950469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880677494463888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IsBallLife875,2019/03/02,"Why is everything so painful? Why am I so scared? I’m so so scared. I am so so grateful at the same time. I have not experienced the reality of being taken to those horrible mental institutions, ones that don’t help and feel like a jail. I have never really experienced hardships, I always say I’m so disconnected I could close myself off from them but I know that’s not true. I would pass out if they tried to pump drugs into me. I would cry and experience real struggle and hardship and have to lie my way out of a facility like that. So so grateful that I’m not there but scared of the prospect. Besides that, I just have so much death I want. It clings to me like a blanket. I want to die so badly and be released. Let me dream forever, as those are the times I had the best of times.",0.9505555555555568,3.2333770185185173,3.070617283950618,89.07777777777781,84.37037037037038,6.3160493827160495,21.34567901234568,7.594959193182576,0.8401086419753079,615,20,134,11,18,208,93,162,0.227,0.603,0.17,-0.9345,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,1,13,11,0,4,8,0,16,2,0,0,2,27,24,20,2,6,7,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,4,20,5,16,16,3,12,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,7,97,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116177997787404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316154617253662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542421176767608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258556808807365,0.0,0.17315046349586125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359629136647527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280213905183654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166875196708847,0.15419355360896167,0.0,0.0,0.07970306736507524,0.1126117556296879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056568658082429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662998114886998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611885744740048,0.0,0.2310319156231305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885516708618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587706398258693,0.0,0.12157489353909146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681497576592648,0.0,0.16773070296042264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941880726182355,0.10098257848251467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253546513642128,0.473448968918246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479034811168985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757480484675211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702123272525928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859499231889578,0.12512030371341068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28447526706959503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239533534048724,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tummybox,2019/03/02,"Substance Russian Roulette Eat Ativan, drink alcohol, more than prescribed/recommended, less than 100% fatal, see what happens! What a fun game. ",8.904545454545458,12.512294000000004,6.400000000000002,68.77000000000002,63.54545454545455,8.036363636363637,42.81818181818181,8.841846274778883,4.769200000000001,116,7,14,2,2,33,20,22,0.13,0.725,0.145,0.0915,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001453838616056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584578997179787,0.0,0.4788767304356816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41384730607659703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729322103123861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youreatheistwhocares,2019/03/02,"I did it again and couldn't do it. I went for a drive. It's all I do in my free time. I was in my city. I pulled into a parking garage. I started to walk out but hit the stairs instead. I got to the third out of eight floors and stopped and sat down. I've done this before. I never make it more than halfway. I want to. I really do. It's a good view I bet but that's not why I wanted to go. I just can't. I can't and I hate myself for it. I can't do a simple thing like look? I know what would happen and I just can't. As much as I want to think anyone would there are people who wouldn't want me up there. Thinking. Planning. I have a son. He already thinks my problems are his enough. I have to suffer. I deserve to. From all I've done. Remember Little Nicky? Jon Lovits running around hell screaming ""I deserve this!""? That will be me one day. Until then. I'll say that any time something bad happens. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. A kid fresh out of highschool made a dumbass life altering choice and he regrets it all. I'm sorry. I'd give anything to make you happy even if it meant everytime you smile something bad happens to me.",-1.7937869586859136,0.03132859591836912,0.7078347436535601,100.63098058735693,103.85714285714286,3.2065704330512697,15.7715281234445,5.124077535175187,-0.9465719263315084,866,24,205,5,41,290,138,245,0.185,0.708,0.107,-0.9708,0,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,1,9,12,2,0,9,0,22,1,0,3,4,42,49,14,0,11,6,1,0,1,0,4,1,2,0,1,16,11,0,1,6,0,2,6,8,8,0,3,9,4,33,5,27,33,6,27,1,2,2,0,10,12,1,2,10,136,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651932144747667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412843502060023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650234052690885,0.0,0.10180447469197343,0.11012995134614054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658878552783927,0.0,0.0,0.10526984116740593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978403662546073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532007543615357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782761607173068,0.0,0.08171064105833077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867586936596465,0.07030840791869654,0.1037637965242892,0.09894382622999716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32819446688686243,0.1316937756901876,0.0,0.12214003538068313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798890632313688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738147822042218,0.06043945779757634,0.12399197258473554,0.0,0.0,0.10388696278495556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170593312080036,0.16515750558282585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090942589893603,0.0,0.09541435815240792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383048553107578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576635739960317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837572241897446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925310588395604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014163435095112,0.0,0.0,0.09838078614059724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047915740589988,0.0,0.4154565284059025,0.08756402443517157,0.0,0.0,0.10342881172661426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218878771639812,0.2378090555759525,0.0,0.0,0.14427498030448047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918742851106683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468230806898125,0.11163088129274246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757629790918505,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AboutThatTimeYeah,2019/03/02,"Is it finally time? I've been conciously suicidal for around 8 years now, though the chances I had been suicidal before that and had not the words for it are great. I've been doing this song and dance for a while. 
I've gotten help, changed my life, grew up, fell in love, got a job, the whole nine yards. Everything anyone has ever given as a solution to this feeling, I have tried. And they helped, some for more time than others. But in the end, I still feel this way.
It doesn't help that everything has wilted, either. My friendships have faded, my love moved to California to pursue a job, my studies no longer excite me, my job has been miserable from day one, and my therapist stopped talking to me about 3 months ago. I've lost or am losing everything that had given me hope for the future,  and I can't find it in myself to go looking again.
A wise man once told me I was not the sort of person people keep. Like a particularly smooth rock or brightly colored leaf, I'm the sort people lose interest in pretty much as soon as the have any to lose. I balked at that then, but it's proven true time and time again. I don't hold anyone's interest. I'm not even holding mine.
I've fallen back into the old signs of worsening depression. I have no appetite, no energy. I don't want to talk to anyone about anything, and everything I've said in the past few months just feels like a mistake. I don't want to text my now long distance boyfriend. I don't want to exist. I want to fade into obscurity, soft as smoke. I want my presence to cease to be.
So, I've decided to start prepping. Clean my apartment, distance myself from friends and family, save up to pay the last few month of rent up front so my roommate won't have to struggle. Maybe I'll take a train up to Ontario, see Canada for the first time, and go quietly in a hotel room.
Something soft, something final. Give everyone who wants a chance at good bye a chance without letting them catch on. I don't want to make a scene, I want to fade away. I don't want it to hurt. Not them, not me.
I'm waiting for it to finally be time for me to go.",3.294158878504672,4.503595133177573,4.348679906542056,87.70703855140191,73.1355140186916,7.592990654205607,25.29088785046729,8.07648339933343,1.3177719626168227,1639,51,350,24,32,534,217,428,0.125,0.727,0.14800000000000002,0.9068,4,0,3,0,0,0,59.0,0,0,3,5,16,24,0,2,24,0,32,3,0,1,2,55,68,22,2,11,12,0,6,2,1,1,1,3,4,2,16,12,0,5,5,5,2,10,18,9,0,3,15,13,38,15,60,49,7,67,0,7,4,2,18,19,0,7,40,216,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690104142144581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052941503035845036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330616119835098,0.0,0.06406492530911775,0.06930409619650581,0.0,0.0,0.07314378915070968,0.05986278701201751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624565896634678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823562739737711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020760003659303,0.0,0.06705314652714597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895307840784187,0.0,0.0,0.05142000027209825,0.07042089061608231,0.0,0.07439018229554885,0.2798706467496602,0.0,0.07339120690788753,0.0,0.11809175648298988,0.05561693111939251,0.0,0.2558466368994404,0.07115460979857148,0.06622021271949706,0.0,0.0,0.060147663775207735,0.0,0.0,0.07468198946980653,0.13273393676091758,0.06529791440143053,0.06226473695190993,0.08583125105578161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654610644571376,0.0,0.0,0.0773238330839039,0.0,0.0,0.0833413471551663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23176598628106326,0.06919774635522971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345913952335126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960815275124257,0.05498862297094116,0.07606835281535201,0.0,0.0,0.06889588481503009,0.06537542216633054,0.2612868236004589,0.08498380918367861,0.0,0.14052754122579342,0.0,0.05196629760832193,0.0,0.07821202002457829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642031657409774,0.08274353227378461,0.057229608488032026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169176527462076,0.08290901446791428,0.052754005267696566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431780387876857,0.10794447488611007,0.06797668732647122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792026844493823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405434329067585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203734736584751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198673538572346,0.0,0.0,0.05510349817312424,0.0,0.0621720893234809,0.06508711054327332,0.0,0.08138700430359294,0.0,0.17031321006809474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585344329417285,0.12514773236005253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039127329671867,0.0,0.0,0.07648843387333197,0.0,0.2723740542391814,0.0,0.0,0.07439018229554885,0.0,0.05285587188931136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132680291966393,0.061794679199830164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691811314757326,0.0,0.07504580334465083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050133636829507895
suicidewatch,ChipOffTheOldShovel,2019/03/02,"I’m a fuck up. I can’t do shit. No matter how hard I try at something, or for how long; no matter how hard I study or work towards something, or seek tutoring, I just fail every time. I’m that person who will follow instructions down to every last bit of information, and still fuck up badly. 


I make stupid mistakes all the time. It doesn’t matter if I’m going slow and taking my time, processing my next move in my head, or if I ask someone for help, I fuck up hard. Nothing ever goes how I plan it. I consider myself to be very meticulous when doing jobs. I still fuck up. Why? Cause I’m dumber than a box of cow shit.


I push people away from me, often without realizing it. Friends, family, teachers, co-workers. This is because I think I’m funny but I’m just an immature piece of shit. And it annoys people. 


I don’t want to be here if I can’t just be a normal human being. It’s beyond frustrating to know that people liked me, and by trying to be a comedian, just shove everybody right the fuck away from me. 


Also I have no regard for my safety. Sure I wear safety glasses when using tools, but how about all the lead fumes I’ve inhaled because I didn’t want to wear a respirator? Or all the fumes of paint strippers and mineral oil I’ve inhaled? I’m hoping this puts an end to my life real quick. (But not too quick, more on this later)

I had been going to a therapist. But I lied to him too. My depression never went away, I just hid it. Every time I went I would be asked if everything was going well. And with a smile on my face I would say yes. And he fell for it. But no. Nothing is going well. 


That comment about my safety? Wel, For what it’s worth, I’m only alive because I have a cat, whom is by far my best friend. I can’t die just yet, unless it’s an accident, although I crave death every day. Every god damn day, no matter what I’m doing I always think about how I could die while doing it. (Driving, falling into a lathe, inhaling toxic fumes, etc) 

I don’t want to be here any longer, but I have to suffer because I love my cat more than anything or anyone. 


FUCK. 
 
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suicidewatch,alaktis,2019/03/02,"want it to be over I bought new razors the other day, 5 Wilkinsons. I've never cut with those kinds of razors before so I was surprised by how small and sharp they were. I've never tried to cut myself to bleed out ... I've been stabbed and shit but that's one quick jab. Cutting your arms takes a bit of time and I can't imagine it's painless, but I'm just so burnt out. I tried to kill myself about thirty five times last year, mostly overdoses, some I tried to strangle myself or tried to hang myself, but not one of those attempts wound me up in the hospital or even got people concerned. I'm still in high school so I live with my parents. They kind of brush it under the rug and don't take me seriously when I say I'm suicidal. I don't think anyone really takes it seriously anymore. I've grown up in an age where ""I want to kill myself"" is a joke now instead of a concerning statement, and it's exhausting. I feel like I'm screaming for help but no one's paying attention to me.

​

Now that I'm thinking about it more, I'll probably overdose too, and maybe that'll numb the pain or make me so shaky that I hit an artery. I hope I don't live to see the aftermath. Everyone would be so disappointed.",2.4291785239992407,4.048459438247015,3.7861696072851463,89.20612217795488,76.13147410358566,6.852665528362738,23.50616581293872,7.62386473244151,0.953438095238096,953,29,205,13,21,313,142,251,0.198,0.713,0.08900000000000001,-0.9894,1,0,0,0,0,4,30.0,0,1,2,1,18,20,6,1,10,0,12,7,2,2,2,36,31,20,3,4,9,1,2,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,13,10,0,0,6,1,2,2,8,14,0,4,5,6,26,6,29,21,4,29,0,1,1,0,6,12,1,7,16,129,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367598995000151,0.1533717684241015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517685659540714,0.08825633449890617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074043807153076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780013596943094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814018046355545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336747451499042,0.0,0.0,0.12060913251404372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382089619427883,0.0901719771132302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095009419588856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460296558066294,0.13335892771393815,0.0,0.12536547354943614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792886469306869,0.2628785326509861,0.0,0.1028865843827489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616649789106699,0.0,0.22291009392053293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425318880931625,0.0,0.1268054949759121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469811932956416,0.1219045815165528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565909081940326,0.0,0.13430755096536234,0.0,0.14015296954971745,0.0,0.0,0.08750542796073181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608708751076318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086010829725239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037563743363577,0.0,0.1277419224057218,0.10058142645141717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956356776676367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079988418497726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380647814545287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847064072751612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617540475624573,0.0,0.0,0.14720042075178688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34278183814719404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889628639784028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966344829958173,0.0,0.1533717684241015,0.08128188775984298
suicidewatch,Throwaway8485i4i,2019/03/02,"I dont know what to do I keep thinking about how nice itd be to just off myself. Its such a big hurdle to get over. I dont even have it that bad. I just dont feel like 'life' is something I enjoy. I truly think something is wrong with me but I cant find a therapist who actually helps me. Ive had 4-5 therapists in my life and none have ever made anything better. One gave me medicine that caused insomnia. I know my life is going to get better in the next 4 months, like alot better. My life is actually awesome by most people's standards, but it just still seems to suck and I feel insane and guilty over those 2 facts.  I hate the world we live in. Its awful, and I dont see how people think the good somehow outweighs the bad. It doesnt. Im sorry, I know I sound like a whiny, privileged, princess, but I just want to leave. ",-0.2118159806295381,1.916099440677968,1.8971428571428568,96.47322033898304,88.49152542372879,4.727360774818402,17.468119451170303,6.18269132825596,-0.3900931396287328,639,16,149,6,21,213,101,177,0.189,0.623,0.188,-0.0905,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,3,12,15,2,0,8,1,17,5,0,4,2,35,36,9,0,1,7,0,2,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,10,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,4,23,10,15,31,3,13,0,0,1,0,4,8,1,4,7,93,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.21471997378574767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053399716721884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837179414789634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919012898946189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130169908866546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157528878078357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266469345762268,0.09951599382637633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125504005316003,0.07859562873315129,0.0,0.0,0.10055285651010687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149578964537719,0.0,0.0625247684112337,0.09227640817374146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086182670321328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374157122175096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883642548259782,0.0,0.0,0.09778749514300444,0.0,0.0,0.1813861562888596,0.0,0.0,0.11649132032395068,0.0,0.0,0.310830914873286,0.1612451432294096,0.0,0.0971463615611438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410003285265708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781391862082036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700352663390808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454985610957014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254282645928827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766870488932058,0.1001546592125397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693917634679334,0.0,0.12315418118770267,0.0,0.0,0.08785911684955977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554746841926546,0.0,0.2114819061636959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489043281580988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028549529258398,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidalalternate,2019/03/02,"I feel like im seeking attention if people ask me how I’m doing Whats up guys, first time posting here. Currently chilling with a few friends who dont notice me so thats sorta why im writing. I forgot my meds today and realized that im a worthless speck on the planet. If I wasn’t even alive the world wouldn’t change one bit. Last summer I tried to kill myself but I was hospitalized, and im just living in and endless cycle of school then work, and then the little time I have left in the day I play League or some shit. It all just feels so pointless. I feel like I’m living to die at the end.",1.0689534883720917,2.824023589147288,3.0552131782945766,92.30514534883724,80.55038759689923,5.54031007751938,20.05232558139535,6.42735559955562,0.06728372093023305,469,12,105,4,12,158,89,129,0.128,0.777,0.095,-0.7311,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,2,0,7,0,6,1,1,1,1,23,13,13,2,3,6,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,3,12,4,9,9,4,20,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,5,13,61,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057530889570704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248663399797815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775541032921755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900774669263774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495842074816204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636956008913585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237087340408107,0.0,0.0,0.09225263447144344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186844782705067,0.19956469816531167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880569907246535,0.0,0.0,0.10791093759632717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382981323028149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6034828085159415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452737177907327,0.0,0.0,0.11385205700780066,0.0,0.0,0.15175501667893693,0.0,0.0,0.1364742495135173,0.13998894117214405,0.2466674627494971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514510709823864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901852465027547,0.0,0.0,0.0946459731449321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683160377464801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133768030940905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413564335843657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337222672919195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288878472881532,0.0,0.13239357955351505,0.0,0.0,0.09482873207451092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603306930700564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168353613785576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeardTyke7102,2019/03/02,"I'm not sure what to do anymore... I've been feeling pretty suicidal for the past year. I know suicide isn't the answer, and I want to get help, but I don't want to put my parents through that. It would be so expensive, and we already don't have much money. If I tell them I've been feeling this way, I know they'll spend as much money as needed, and I really don't want that. I attempted suicide this past year. It was a pretty piss poor attempt though. I only downed about 9 pills before I chickened out. But now, I really am thinking about doing it again. For real this time. I don't want to, but at the same time, I do. Every thing is just so confusing and I don't know what to do anymore...",1.3656828885400325,2.982091544217692,3.3492517006802736,91.1903453689168,79.1360544217687,6.155729984301415,22.192046049188903,7.010146845296331,0.5699998953427525,535,16,119,6,13,181,81,147,0.16399999999999998,0.721,0.114,-0.9248,1,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,1,0,2,2,8,3,1,1,4,0,19,2,1,0,1,29,32,13,3,7,6,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,0,5,1,7,2,0,0,3,2,17,1,15,26,3,13,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,2,8,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412847713210714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770287075309227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884823433812178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767735682615404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412419265592499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297141217409643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361734607159856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302756814718171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053459208284084,0.10356297016966333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622474916939252,0.0,0.0,0.15508615996195085,0.0,0.26666018298241856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841876539089276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040616100447045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897417023204152,0.17895138048401962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583264311250975,0.0,0.13163660381503667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207707010641902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279003553307376,0.08949440805770936,0.13722431710961971,0.0,0.1628845116341248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32952214090397,0.11086293998707704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921701930686687,0.0,0.0,0.17988481995967462
suicidewatch,kc326,2019/03/02,"It's too much I'm giving up.  I've been suicidal off and on since I was a teenager (I'm 24).  I've been suicidal nearly daily since my last attempt in November and basically I'm done.  I'm so tired of the pain that I'm in everyday.  Medication doesn't seem to help despite numerous changes.  I've been in therapy since October, and while it worked at keeping me alive until now, I've come to the realization that I'm just a lost cause.   I've set a deadline (March 17th) and now it's just doing it.  The thoughts of how are more and more intrusive and everywhere I'm at it's just like you could kill yourself by doing this or that.  I just can't live this way anymore.  I don't even know why I'm posting this other than to get it out in the open.  ",2.405754716981132,3.4516870125786165,4.4944811320754745,86.43908018867926,75.10062893081759,8.318867924528304,27.08647798742139,8.841846274778883,1.8806515723270445,581,22,132,12,12,201,92,159,0.161,0.7909999999999999,0.048,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,10,4,1,0,7,0,12,3,0,2,0,21,28,11,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,0,6,1,19,20,3,23,0,1,0,0,3,12,0,2,8,78,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143421092824102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757850314244608,0.1828667354380484,0.14890665857359092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801749405691954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689944835289245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417475721372294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031408028346152,0.1658264871807055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586680670045076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364908300345173,0.1912479275723208,0.0,0.09500129691956777,0.1409068807804334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445240828842793,0.0,0.15264169870762187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870100601514295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414185990939093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707461337963236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393902553306501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555551549439276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736850119767912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289835925667698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781693758637746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768455671477272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723436498361566,0.0,0.1986812436628624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372110551809727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598248409352486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258467372524332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marry_a_carrot,2019/03/02,"I (29f) am a complete fucking disaster. I hate myself completely. I hate how I look, my personality, basically everything. I get up, go to the gym, go to work, rinse repeat. I barely leave the house, I don't have any friends, I have never even had a boyfriend. While everyone else who is 29 is buying houses, having kids, getting married...here I am sucking at everything. I am basically exhausted and ready to give up.",2.9492307692307698,5.513216935897439,5.156089743589742,75.46182692307694,78.35897435897436,8.515384615384617,30.262820512820515,9.188382445141503,3.2587897435897433,323,16,57,9,8,112,56,78,0.223,0.731,0.046,-0.9414,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,4,0,4,0,10,2,0,1,1,3,20,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,12,1,6,19,0,8,0,0,1,1,5,3,2,0,3,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890258964037374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974855811260336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583472695092026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519801694890415,0.0,0.0,0.18112608429766835,0.3407161589833546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644823393460013,0.1752387615010072,0.19806731417677093,0.1818365798121607,0.21545475919033885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742888324377297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374375925438597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007093349237581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917684109510455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619501541551128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551043187465586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379968946551059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notgonnalieimannoyed,2019/03/02,"I hate humanity and hope climate change wipes out everyone including me We think we are so civilized and enlightened but most of us are trash. We treat the sweetest members of society like waste if they don't look and talk ""right."" 

Supposedly you can get nembutol from Mexico for 450 USD, but often customs nabs it and you lose your money. Don't know if it's a good risk to take but at least it's clean and painless. 

I hate all of you beautiful people who get life handed to you on a platter because you satisfy the lower order brain functions of other humans. I hope bad things happen to you. I wish it were true that the meek inherit the earth but it's not quite true. The meek inherit the bullshit.",2.9224749163879578,5.187038159420293,4.368840579710145,82.64734113712376,76.82608695652175,8.014269788182832,25.83277591973244,8.841846274778883,2.1609792642140464,558,21,107,13,13,185,94,138,0.166,0.584,0.25,0.9358,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,4,7,1,2,2,12,2,1,8,0,6,3,2,0,3,27,18,12,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,9,9,0,0,3,0,3,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,17,7,12,17,3,5,0,1,1,0,16,4,0,6,1,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719369513480747,0.12206565677161114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353628163111602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182947123678705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133979987842756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923634717768175,0.0,0.0,0.16795347838253644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707332790407235,0.0,0.0,0.3953950121158084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39777095018605374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110047759342752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143683736448834,0.09782812029512908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815283695066136,0.22401956367466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882258105399273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298200157933309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710055628999161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055705389416313,0.1609469242182799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303187858765084,0.12830697993173285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086645536409695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026840294872405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkiceygirl,2019/03/02,"Why must life be so painful? I wish i knew why. And how people just get up every day, smiling. Ready to live life to the fullest and just being happy that another day has begun. Meanwhile him here, i wake up and i dont want to get out of bed. Dreading every second of existence. Meanwhile i just hear the voices in my head telling me how much of a failure i am and how im unlovable and a mistake. Im just a bitch..  but i dont know how to stop it... i get upset at people over the smallest things and snap even though i dont want to. I dont know why but sometimes i wish i never existed. Then it would be easier and safer. So im sorry for being a burden... ",-0.3748239436619727,1.6105260774647905,2.247306338028171,94.75786091549296,87.52112676056338,4.676760563380283,19.43838028169014,5.985473137389443,-0.12419859154929558,501,15,115,4,16,173,79,142,0.142,0.721,0.13699999999999998,0.5227,0,0,0,1,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,13,8,1,2,7,0,12,5,2,4,2,30,23,17,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,1,2,15,1,15,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,6,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339010574514388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517783376220018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5516462002563168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772172097584636,0.0,0.19828868155953644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443741644683886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526479728805048,0.0,0.0,0.1207661580787672,0.0,0.13262570629103607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813201871626364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933969770051268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623144258179162,0.0,0.0,0.1039071665729549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650298792155664,0.0,0.0907564550389101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521206935688303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315889369092285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638132778624538,0.1317249746998741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837966196031553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285114287455248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817652564586862,0.0,0.11561284877332807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388128366977434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31854397771504633,0.0,0.2706356386103864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359132324704459,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Melancholy-Mood,2019/03/02,"Anyone ever phoned emergency services and told them you felt like you were about to kill yourself? What do they do? Is it the generic. Heres a hotline, don’t do this, lets talk. or would they send an ambulance/police car ",2.282857142857143,5.0362834761904764,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,83.28571428571428,5.2647619047619045,22.685714285714287,6.742157984588678,0.73448,174,6,33,2,5,53,37,42,0.166,0.78,0.054000000000000006,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,3,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,2,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681181719743552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468537926965979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681735285734637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242322202332965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39210509082986,0.0,0.1873350112967913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082037534366948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366404296265884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723929108034609,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heart_space,2019/03/02,"I just want to fade away I've already been very down for a while now, and then my boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me so suddenly (sudden for me, but already in the back of his head for very long). I felt so weak and powerless to convince him to try again.

Since then, I can't sleep for more than an hour until I start having bad dreams, or wake up sweating. I can't eat. I can't enjoy the things I used to enjoy because everything somehow reminds me of him. I used to write everyday in my journal, but I can't anymore because I can't write about that Tuesday breakup and that Friday post-breakup talk. I can't sketch or paint because the first thing I usually do when I finish a sketch is to take a photo and share it to him. I can't declutter anymore because I bought my boxes with him, and I remember being so grateful to him because he carried the boxes for me. I can't eat any of my comfort food/ donuts, Maltesers, french fries because I have so many memories of eating these with him, or him giving me these food. So many of the things in my room have memories tied to him. I don't want to get rid of them--I love them. I love him. I will always love him. I committed my heart to him with long term dreams in mind. Now, I can't see the future anymore, and I want to just disappear. 

We grew up together for 10 years. Aside from being my partner, he was also my best friend, my confidante. I can't talk to my family and friends anymore since I feel like I've already burdened them so much this past week. He said I can still tell him anything, anytime. But I want to try my best not to worry him too. I want him to live his life happy and free just as he wanted. 

I don't know what to do now. I'm so scared to live. 

There are only sad moments and devastating moments now. During sad moments, I can do some very basic functions like getting up and brushing my teeth. But during the really bad moments, I feel like I'm drowning. I've resorted to cutting myself just to distract myself from the emotional pain, or to taking sleeping pills and anti-histamine medicine to try and fall asleep. He told me we had too many differences, and that the compromises I was willing to do for him is not sustainable, and would make me as unhappy as him. But there is nothing now that would make me more unhappy than this, than giving up and not trying to work on us. He is not willing to do that though because he said there's no more love on his side. I feel like I would slip down very soon, cut too deep, take too much.

Every moment, I am just waiting to die.",3.971849221524173,4.6030746634799256,4.857981972138759,86.84811472275337,71.0076481835564,7.812706910680142,28.327178366566514,7.859703344183488,1.5963329035782563,1991,70,424,24,35,648,223,523,0.122,0.6890000000000001,0.189,0.9898,1,0,0,0,0,1,62.0,3,0,2,4,33,31,2,2,13,0,40,21,8,4,1,65,75,41,2,9,18,0,4,4,3,6,4,2,1,1,14,21,5,1,6,2,2,3,17,12,0,1,9,8,82,20,68,58,9,57,0,3,1,4,49,17,0,6,41,290,96,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263296430691928,0.054671999781179474,0.05688571220804128,0.0,0.0,0.04649099841277245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712014879277286,0.0,0.0,0.056259119406639614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423179528936711,0.05256897852098201,0.1141649538318351,0.2917255354929256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349110090524134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709527695533415,0.07142757188372656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986543677611408,0.0,0.07690217442518989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760102364678735,0.0,0.061442653909024814,0.0,0.06444906714408684,0.0,0.10370320728323387,0.14652134005210982,0.06564176218596579,0.0,0.0,0.058151802043684676,0.16533607357001084,0.0,0.105638290594502,0.0,0.07143647939661098,0.13116515606112106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727765245494619,0.0,0.0,0.0701628985831761,0.0,0.0,0.08101364542395563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732641149570967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757198306590513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048288692928337484,0.13360004787194255,0.0,0.1207362742394834,0.12100292919199668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468107371887688,0.0,0.09126922815131944,0.20793616997696468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902983554279185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005132640672946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559870201599104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199517098110372,0.07274589059914123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526276558164995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547541166610445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379679734867365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744497444387287,0.0,0.13006281117688193,0.0,0.06844595988155623,0.0,0.054478585845313884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310557362963035,0.0,0.13683008118856899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838957149309498,0.0,0.05459691055804874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420742175437924,0.10989946814645443,0.05975460693188798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625733552520428,0.0,0.0671689214299952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532632525915613,0.0,0.185663202984464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223548063253219,0.11809197309436822,0.07529512437213759,0.2256353428257267,0.24194305271136546,0.0,0.05483881489682437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049771020336185794,0.06942865412491281,0.0,0.14569502653857425,0.0,0.0,0.08805049711902116
suicidewatch,Hankflax,2019/03/02,"I’m alone and I think I’m going to finally do it tonight My life is a mess and is in pieces. I’m all alone, am constantly in pain, have nobody to turn to anymore and have no future. Nobody would miss me, nobody wants me, and I wouldn’t be missed. I ruined the only good thing that has happened In my life. I don’t know what to do anymore buts it’s becoming to much to deal with and the idea of having to put up with it my whole life seems impossible. 

I think I’m going to finally do it tonight. I’ve lost hope and that was the last thing keeping me here. Sorry for taking so long. ",1.1560822510822495,2.6623128333333312,3.1121933621933637,93.15149350649351,79.39682539682539,6.169119769119768,20.184704184704184,6.980632752743323,0.1894063492063492,451,11,106,5,11,152,71,126,0.175,0.779,0.045,-0.9136,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,4,0,15,4,0,0,1,20,34,8,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,0,11,2,16,29,4,15,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,2,8,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31836109112301203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304846132239485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974285536592254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660885226880425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845167896303244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33672834547650554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746955889502437,0.12891116498104893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591102254634066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265273776382438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350172374368256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366102145602428,0.0,0.0,0.08446615692064971,0.12528105498681774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256756749216663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601427940416905,0.0,0.0,0.16777506520415247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129827126827792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689114901127773,0.1635411631028705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450483636259793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991716900227655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204775612095893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555869756627322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421481726376306,0.1969617112725374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717484654669168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065265386858594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159376875232674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917974840081346,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gelibean27,2019/03/02,"I'm tired of living You know, it's very hard that I try my best for everything in life and nothing goes right. I'm tired of always failing, I'm tired of trying to be supportive to the people I love to get treated bad, tired of trying to get an approvel of my parents. I don't think i'll be here much long. I'm 2 steps to actually hang myself just to make all my problems dissapear.",4.001707317073169,3.9067435609756096,5.915756097560978,81.8597317073171,70.70731707317074,8.999024390243902,28.59512195121951,8.841846274778883,1.9967141463414635,300,10,66,5,5,105,55,82,0.244,0.642,0.113,-0.8805,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,1,7,14,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,8,4,13,12,3,5,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.15012708541735367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280084292369018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845120370885332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144713429251262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382627958717733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607516397848988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781174195899734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454725007208617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866278177292092,0.0,0.0,0.13584483886559615,0.13614486219566038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884793544814766,0.0,0.10269037759945017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309118363213105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761504214514493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082274947857287,0.0,0.0,0.10665430669486324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720551259132422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137977707648174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457748007112436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985754038343974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7072725673132226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31334478455084336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693532652724804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aj_thatdude,2019/03/02,"😕 Honestly, I'll be up front and say I don't have the balls to kill myself (plus I've made a promise not to) but it gets harder and harder to keep the promise. Walking my dogs, my thoughts go to ""tie them up to a tree, run in front of a car"", or lock my bedroom door and leave a note for my parents to call the coroner and not enter the room, or my personal go to of visualization of me running face first into a plate glass window and hoping for the worst. Lately though, the thoughts have become more like how far is it from the attic window to the ground/driveway/yard and how my climbing rope is all static so that'd break my neck with ease, right? My anxiety is through the roof, my depression is thicker than a San Francisco fog. I've been looking for jobs and valuing myself accordingly but can't land anything beyond less than 10/hr. I look at my ex who, in the last couple months, has become happier, more effervescent and I'm really fucking happy for her, but I wasted 2 years of her life and made her miserable. I make everyone around me miserable or push them away. Life genuinely feels like it's not worth trying anymore because whatever I do, others become happier because of me but I just get sadder and more depressed. Currently I'm curled up in my closet, wiping away tears that aren't fully formed and hoping that I can mellow out. I genuinely don't wanna keep doing this routine anymore of try try try and just get ignored. I openly talk about my suicidal thoughts to keep myself in check. If others know where my head is at, then it's harder to get away wth. Being alone is nice, but my thoughts take over and push me to the brink. I've been at this brink for so long that the idea of dieing isn't scary to me anymore. It looks less like something to fear and more like a weight that could be lifted from my shoulders. I give no shits how others feel if I were to do it. Frankly, if you gave a fuck then why haven't people tried to be there for me? Huh
 Fuck, I hate myself. ",4.335345096957997,5.065176411910674,5.076272401433696,85.25292712066906,70.24069478908189,7.856226449774837,26.83659590111203,7.921354282810032,1.464957246576601,1566,48,322,19,27,507,208,403,0.184,0.6940000000000001,0.122,-0.9858,3,1,1,0,0,1,43.0,0,1,2,2,15,24,6,3,20,1,28,11,5,6,1,59,61,34,3,7,16,2,3,4,0,0,2,1,6,1,17,20,1,4,8,1,2,12,10,13,0,1,10,7,43,11,55,45,9,48,0,4,3,3,15,26,4,8,13,213,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073184160521564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701720252394093,0.0,0.2606403711591905,0.0,0.0,0.07209103890631237,0.07798657800913808,0.0,0.0,0.24692193383397865,0.0,0.0,0.10680577986286834,0.2902568617104105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945398901400804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994506460657075,0.09693271270807637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090725453140194,0.0,0.09091963977269234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370985371855005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857941771834218,0.08859093458760722,0.06258467212490748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451634273373799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296684513360345,0.1830789415059091,0.08403821876777233,0.0995753121077154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325661898188667,0.0,0.08649130668655595,0.08990749064128523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740220700278745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889481696028654,0.0,0.0,0.0869339484048383,0.23360071368165766,0.0969213992858182,0.0,0.048145142006467516,0.07140935971227813,0.0988216915003192,0.09276051614301664,0.0,0.0,0.12375529789116843,0.17119653401266582,0.0,0.0,0.07752722552504522,0.22069714809635985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578699170142558,0.05847668384256069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992507590398908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727442967771244,0.0,0.0,0.06073392969076408,0.07649287011776823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056121685780643145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481376412280967,0.0,0.06966661438757543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992476008188148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744222387541571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582510393975713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586768129675033,0.07041317849879154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607097621107353,0.2781927491325717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973885240959693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066786799046664,0.0,0.0,0.07904943501521286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564144256120223
suicidewatch,anondescriptUn,2019/03/02,Really low Posted earlier but it was long and boring. Want to end it right now but dont have the means or the privacy. Thinking maybe a tall building or throw myself in front of a train tomorrow. The driver should soon shrug it off once he realises what a worthless human being has ended up on the tracks.,3.6454999999999984,5.546985883333335,4.823333333333334,81.855,73.5,8.133333333333335,23.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.8045666666666669,243,7,45,5,5,80,51,60,0.13699999999999998,0.8390000000000001,0.023,-0.7933,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,9,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,6,0,16,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,2,6,31,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34650638485297675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237265506685047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616460710862673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970259806676733,0.3220558306135793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148637680088526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831565207485122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894046702664425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524884298817616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944429266780194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438544557353144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mira1834,2019/03/02,"I want to do it but I’m scared of what comes after I have been suicidal for a very long time. I have decided that now is the time for it to happen and I have a few options. I can find my parents gun and do it, I can run away and do it, or I can take pills. I don’t necessarily want my parents to find me so I think I will sneak out. 

The only think stopping me is what comes after, what happens after it’s done. I mean the real answer is nothing but I’m still wondering. I have been raised as a Christian and self murder is a sin, so I would go to hell. I don’t really believe in hell but.. what if there is something beyond. 

I am almost scared of a failed attempt. I am scared that I won’t succeed and I’ll be left to rot in paralysis or suffer the consequences for the rest of my life. I also am a senior, I have 53 days until graduation. I’ve been accepted to college and plan to pursue a career in law. I often think I’m not good enough but other days I think I am. 

I am struggling. I want to die. I am scared about what comes next. What do I do. ",-0.22425324675324632,1.5901288311688333,2.6200270562770562,93.42146915584415,85.36363636363637,5.40844155844156,18.715909090909093,6.6274283507984215,-0.03647922077922017,804,21,191,9,24,283,111,231,0.28600000000000003,0.67,0.044,-0.997,2,0,1,1,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,4,9,14,3,5,12,0,34,2,0,0,0,39,53,18,3,5,8,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,14,10,0,1,11,0,0,5,4,11,0,0,4,0,31,3,26,45,3,26,4,2,0,0,3,7,2,7,14,141,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187780726377053,0.0,0.0,0.094858196718087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114448400918404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364105620400996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065348533320362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299666649602062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310601036951427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138666144910977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256335961614433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682809170468467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741293429850241,0.09949054749958222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978573960372365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887802281841493,0.0,0.0837828934626308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497256096996156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292089927987837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261508239708663,0.0,0.0,0.11381648019442185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021378725959786,0.0,0.0,0.2634209061657493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501243434535573,0.07598926754372784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750263647197345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374369349546707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091317377989037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472791378847674,0.09916935820195552,0.0,0.12400453661867528,0.0,0.1297480529922935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918543316940254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040206562998657,0.0,0.0,0.1383333808302224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787167938790016,0.20989063671098512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286353813126008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426231308871059,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShotFeeling,2019/03/02,"I know the world is better off with me in it, but so many bad things keep happening to me and I'm afraid I'll never be allowed to be happy. I have had a difficult life. There has never been a time where things were just, okay, when something new and worse wasn't happening. I recently tried to do the right thing; stand up for myself against my abusive husband and hold him accountable, and he has yet again retaliated against me. I thought I was doing the right thing. For years I have thought the things I have been through were teaching me lessons and making into a well-rounded person. But this? This is my life, I want to have a successful future, where I can help people and make the world a better place. That's always been what I wanted. What he is doing can damage my future. I can't understand, if there is some lesson the universe wants me to learn, what is it? I just want to be happy, and I feel like I will never be allowed to be happy. He gets away with everything, I still have hope but I believe he can get away with this too.

Before now, I never contemplated suicidal thoughts no matter how bad things got, but I am so sad all the time with this, and scared. I have actually started thinking about ways to kill myself. A few days ago, I actually felt okay with going to the store and buying some kind of drug cocktail to take. I've thought of what I would write in goodbye letters. I've thought of packing up my apartment so my family won't have to do it, or who to ask to watch my cat for a while so he isn't here alone when it happens. I always had hope things would be okay before. I know there is so much I can offer the world and I get that things will be okay eventually. That's what everyone says. But I am tired of having lived my entire life so far waiting for the eventually.",3.5369578893962483,4.740602030136988,4.4241400304414,87.42164890918319,72.53424657534245,7.270421106037545,25.299340436326734,7.662118739084242,1.1447483510908167,1411,43,298,17,27,456,171,365,0.125,0.722,0.153,0.6228,2,1,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,5,23,22,1,2,17,4,49,5,0,5,5,64,82,27,2,9,9,1,2,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,25,16,1,3,14,1,3,1,9,8,0,0,16,4,41,14,38,54,5,42,0,2,1,0,15,18,0,6,22,220,66,3,0.0,0.0968947685576916,0.15960905756459706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249216880824108,0.0,0.0,0.08469840361010393,0.0,0.0,0.13609339509940682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645234628635432,0.0,0.15366816648600154,0.0,0.1365641350460685,0.0,0.0,0.1391758489574598,0.09213695338967287,0.0,0.1446537986523756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274070383056506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948377024892276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814336015845777,0.07349771190185607,0.0,0.07709398386848834,0.0,0.0413499307472788,0.05842294971269181,0.07852068585803107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817849119316274,0.0,0.04647690284518887,0.0,0.06540615461155906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695075743242695,0.2611658690300672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054814754671032466,0.0,0.0,0.16245004249356493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726889523419527,0.09047637135907503,0.08516026699918841,0.08988722365567292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328882535994314,0.03995309936931261,0.0,0.07221237475594809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091762645230588,0.08291109266195258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060116990842155923,0.0,0.25229209337316083,0.07898268912020283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566952769696709,0.07140628771451676,0.08544167229384851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074691840721751,0.0,0.0,0.13967767604312778,0.0,0.06503396072596791,0.08187506756575354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295748655711826,0.0,0.0,0.0578836127410729,0.0,0.06530883266970129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945297688086552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148764707772837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346427876536341,0.05240069525535145,0.0,0.32461704362231963,0.09537201084622697,0.09399295569844213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552258787491775,0.0,0.0,0.08513484607523708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294154417184792,0.06491238122530615,0.0,0.0,0.0735291621137816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333981007472184,0.11618694185877886,0.0,0.0,0.0526630089876251
suicidewatch,throowwawwayyyyy,2019/03/02,"I'm suicidal and terrified of what it's doing to my bf I love him so much. He's saved me so many times and I really know that I wouldn't be alive without him. Day after day, he's the only positive thing in my life. I'm not close to my family or have any close friends and I really believe he would be the only person who would be broken over my death. I was suicidal long before I met him and I can't see any future where that changes. He holds me back when I'm at my worst and gives me a reason to keep moving day to day. I terrified of the thought of what my mental health has done to his own. I know it can't be easy. I know I hold him back from living his own life, and I can't shake the thought that his life would be much better without me in it.

I've never learned how to prioritize myself over other's needs. Before him, there was always someone else keeping me alive. A close friend who I thought cared about me enough and that I bettered their life. That's the only justification I've ever found for living was bringing happiness to others. They all left. One of them led me to numerous suicide attempts because of the way she left. But that's not what this is about, and I don't blame her for my depression.

The simple fact is I don't remember a time of my life where I actually wanted to be alive. My entire life I've been justifying staying alive so that I won't hurt anyone with my death. It worked for a time, but I can't live off of that. The only constant desire of my life has been my own death, and how am I supposed to keep denying that? How am I supposed to restrict my love from living his own best life just because I can't figure out how to live mine. The thought of his prolonged distress at my extent makes me miserable. Were extremely happy together, and I love imagining a future where I can be okay and we can be together but I'm scared there's no possibility of that future being true. He deserves someone who isn't like me, who can love themselves as much as they love him and who can give him the world he deserves. ",3.4787743950039034,4.3317048126463735,4.773177985948479,86.19238212334116,72.30210772833723,7.754223263075723,25.708743169398907,8.021203637495839,1.3327758626073374,1613,49,347,22,30,536,180,427,0.138,0.72,0.142,0.7895,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,0,4,5,19,24,0,4,15,1,41,14,0,8,5,66,70,26,6,7,9,0,0,1,3,5,9,0,0,1,26,18,0,6,14,0,0,4,16,7,0,1,13,1,68,17,43,43,12,41,0,3,1,5,42,17,0,1,19,242,94,2,0.0,0.0,0.06934508936912492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912827749074631,0.0,0.0,0.09664756046013503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968736304182095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928273651654556,0.0,0.08663600725146557,0.0,0.1209350124766304,0.08006118655791081,0.07457392465043666,0.12569500438372838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245122073155515,0.0,0.0751729032207712,0.0,0.0,0.07679147911653021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331334706570251,0.0,0.06120456221876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271986935723973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936217940339428,0.0,0.0,0.07342480131564548,0.0,0.0,0.06427856117785546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698979723025468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791449849144574,0.10980279436559214,0.0,0.0,0.1363359874327581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129108422288184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553430658968084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607205525081549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948631010846226,0.0,0.0,0.11715947050854132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544155324891873,0.0,0.4015387519017217,0.03471671706622557,0.0,0.3137399379093065,0.0628865711331125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32067572835385605,0.0,0.0474336352576649,0.07204449694852649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161257190848598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552638364556104,0.156713591302234,0.052690682193701766,0.054806469097171316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815263660130616,0.21617975963496236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062047548912774815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011037400914925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104673515794684,0.07306233673008726,0.0,0.0,0.08049803301106892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711442566491249,0.0,0.05662625668435978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041916911091753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574135699985217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23318694204910098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472096374312724,0.0,0.0,0.2256573479646831,0.1243083703962373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191350048601968,0.05640475479168559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700014922358306,0.0,0.051733108142743296,0.0,0.0,0.1514386587389286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xLifeIsNowx,2019/03/02,"Cry For Action Regret. Guilt. Addiction. Isolation. Anxiety. Depression. Friends that we know too well.

How many hits have we endured? How many blood have we spilt? How much destruction have we cast upon ourselves?

We lack skills. We lack experience. We lack support. We lack will. We lack motives. We lack purpose. We lack joy.

We cannot hide from our minds. Not in a dense forest, in a remote island or deep in the mountains. Nowhere can we hide.

We are incompetent. Incompetent at living life. We do not belong here. We should have never been born. Our life, as we have experienced it, cannot be called life.

And yet... here we are.

It's time, brothers. It's time to awake. It's time to know who we really are, and what is our purpose.

We are warriors. Day after day we wake up in our bed and have to fight against our mind. Against every destructive thought and pattern. We may fall down a thousand times, but a thousand times we stand up. We return at night to our bed to sleep, no matter how strongly we want it all to end, we endure it, we survive. No matter how bad things look, we always make it to see one more time the sun rise. 

We will not let anything stay in our way. It doesn't matter how old we are. How many time we have wasted. How many opportunities we have let go. How many bad decisions we have taken. We will fight, now, and forever. To save ourselves. To find happiness. To find a life worth living. To be the change we want to see in this world. 

And we don't fight alone. We fight alongside our brothers in arms. What an honour. Let our suffering be the fuel we burn for our transformation. Life hits us hard, but we will come back harder. 

NO RETREAT. NO SURRENDER. WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE LAST BREATH.",0.4320836105566633,2.8470060628742573,1.6605455755156342,94.17380350410292,97.65269461077844,4.629762696828566,18.460634286981595,6.42735559955562,0.12131865158571742,1331,41,273,18,54,420,161,334,0.205,0.6829999999999999,0.112,-0.988,0,2,0,0,5,0,69.0,51,0,0,6,16,22,7,1,11,0,35,11,5,11,2,90,50,20,0,11,6,2,1,0,1,7,6,0,2,0,14,47,0,0,7,0,1,5,12,13,1,3,3,5,51,9,33,32,10,44,0,3,3,0,61,15,0,2,21,190,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027702406964213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976372143893868,0.0,0.0,0.07844173814342806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211771363660753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757770697387266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248924004905856,0.15742612803865813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626210764407638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972712617660542,0.08120685860406855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355320977838788,0.12159509949341575,0.0,0.08119621349529225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834968851654732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942810660733889,0.0,0.0,0.0922159668589369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232554138350692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728342039423559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357686962011491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035414623657783,0.0844490682393361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361869590052987,0.0768441468869706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891980869595228,0.33293500766239964,0.0,0.0,0.16648755620164155,0.0,0.0791646180752045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292719750976909,0.4778843392821444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037540618032914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930066297731463,0.0,0.07270826886778521,0.0,0.0,0.08846775295025132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989224571491222,0.0,0.06388105102142445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039296645493712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502449314398598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433994040089128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048125777619904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697858773140048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263003379067839,0.0,0.0,0.07484132529463731,0.3847947511988529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339743825804086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120796915869373,0.07482861319790876,0.0,0.0,0.08476172228963766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Melody_Silverpaw,2019/03/02,"Homeless; The Pain is Too Much I've been homeless since August, 2018  
I've been staying at a homeless shelter since mid-November (couch-surfing before then), and it is way too stressful trying to live here.  
Like, yeah, I get it. There's a roof over my head. Air conditioning, bathrooms, the works.  I should ""be grateful"".   
I guarantee you'd complain too if your only options were a homeless shelter or sleep on the streets. Let me know how easy it is to ""get a job"" and ""work your way up"" when you're stripped of your autonomy and surrounded by bad influences.  


It's unsanitary here. I keep getting sick despite my frequent use of hand-sanitizer and sanitizing the mattress I sleep on (something we're supposed to do anyway) thoroughly. People DO NOT COVER when they cough. Like, wow, you coughed on your fist, you sure prevented the spread of THOSE germs!! ***No!*** Fuck you?? UGH  


I've been here for months, and I'm no closer to getting housing now than I was before.  
The last two jobs I've had I quit due to stress / executive dysfunction / burnout / depression, etc.  
Well, technically I ""lost"" my most recent job on Tuesday, but tbh I was gonna quit anyway..  


My grandpa is a millionaire who likes to pretend he's poor, and bc of his warped view of inflation and the fact he has to pay for medical stuff a lot lately, he says he's not able to help me.  


My dad is honestly just the fucking worst. He kicked me out, and my mom supported it.  


I want to fucking die, like, every day, bc I'm miserable so often, I have precisely one (1) friend here, who is usually gone a lot (which, good on her getting a job and being able to keep it bc tbh i can't do that).  


This place is ableist and I'm unable to make any progress here.  I want out. I want to die.  
Let me die.  
End me.",1.5278644016381049,3.9193154956772354,3.0358691035947234,89.56126004853634,82.80403458213256,6.303928408918551,25.269907477627783,7.573540080772713,1.3794657060518731,1355,56,281,23,38,443,199,347,0.165,0.713,0.122,-0.9692,4,0,1,0,0,1,79.0,0,8,1,7,19,24,3,3,16,1,26,11,3,4,3,38,49,18,3,5,6,3,0,4,1,2,5,1,1,0,13,12,0,3,1,1,2,1,5,13,1,2,9,2,36,11,31,33,6,34,0,3,1,3,25,15,3,7,19,166,49,8,0.1846161466112049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627726552265201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707338549938023,0.0,0.0,0.15709474314443178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059531070825740974,0.0,0.07950480827777058,0.0,0.28740361957778626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175755446104474,0.0,0.10294790227294996,0.0,0.0,0.07777353297452642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131698845583223,0.2560119790156579,0.2411357921347582,0.0,0.0,0.07742363236186489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473471409134153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061872155766069324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651112307550638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664060775457569,0.16409531370758482,0.0,0.0,0.050730103024089215,0.07524339993849176,0.10412752734538634,0.0,0.0,0.1887825180365748,0.0,0.1803882478249388,0.0,0.08150971989114689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007651662271753,0.15695404591296788,0.0,0.0,0.061616355715425924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299067255354801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811009981645883,0.07367942344214297,0.0,0.06785705498265934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255033942359027,0.07020444931000029,0.09822229820023616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399479535975541,0.0,0.0964422898324516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636199677168464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114308626034301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340708486738777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271638424740752,0.0,0.1847494741843852,0.0,0.0,0.0710632645950847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838812416380886,0.0,0.0,0.21147717219028608,0.0,0.1056706594218676,0.0,0.10475010768703877,0.08699926666935505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267112251343543,0.0,0.09017157473192763,0.0,0.0,0.07972453770788142,0.10166430155975402,0.0,0.16333707976606818,0.14653970400568309,0.0,0.0,0.08299604365568106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440275350065126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cidalsui,2019/03/02,"Just need to get it off my chest I had a major breakdown yesterday and almost jumped under the train. Nobody knows as I stopped myself from doing it. 

I felt so lonely, hopeless and numb. And distant. And still do. But hey if weren't for those situations I wouldn't have my (dark) sense of humor (which is my defense mechanism) either.

I'm so stuck.",1.66,4.237743529411766,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,84.29411764705883,5.1647058823529415,20.264705882352946,6.6274283507984215,0.4251705882352943,272,8,52,3,8,88,56,68,0.192,0.757,0.051,-0.8701,0,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,0,15,13,9,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,8,1,7,8,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212877204706726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40395469747767204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980748583329154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312152895899685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119566337035019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729040039085552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33598547255953143,0.3517385989657744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the4rch3typ3s,2019/03/02,"Can someone tell me which blade requires the least amount of pressure to apply for cutting? I want a very sharp blade that doesn't require much effort, I tried a kitchen knife but it didn't work, it was too dull",8.022142857142857,6.449678357142857,6.366666666666667,86.82000000000002,63.04761904761904,8.4,35.285714285714285,3.1291,1.7640571428571432,169,6,35,0,2,49,37,42,0.162,0.809,0.029,-0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,4,1,3,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,21,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656472326482594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214465597143974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347507140550354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377028743710389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41040821555964857,0.2933802104073681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36211411540316535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crushedtrash,2019/03/02,"what do i do? I’ve been feeling somewhat depressed lately but it doesn’t make any sense because I should be happy especially since I recently got a boyfriend. Instead I’ve been worrying about my school work, what my major in college is gonna be, if I’ll get accepted into college, whether or not my sat score will improve, how much food I eat, what I eat, and ik these are petty reasons to be sad but I don’t understand why they’re making me feel this upset.",6.304838709677418,5.622092387096778,6.889806451612905,78.79470967741938,65.98924731182795,9.590537634408603,35.804301075268825,8.841846274778883,2.9750275268817203,364,16,72,5,5,120,71,93,0.157,0.7120000000000001,0.13,-0.3926,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,13,3,0,4,0,18,22,7,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,2,10,2,4,12,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,45,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807962797690746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274031607340328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755049296009005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456317260544563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020509889063536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26330800693972223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376704796819335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415710841598425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318023068692779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563506921634565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907038741218745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007364068288735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388653351633175,0.21500499313587776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037784121835527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012767887330458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22668873756542304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964883736220211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852690686437726,0.22113892204410013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doesntmatter2ndac,2019/03/02,"I am feeling suicidal and I need some help. For the past 2 years I've felt like I want to kill myself for various reasons I do not want to explain. I have not committed suicide because of 2 main reasons, how upset/sad my family would be and the question what if this feeling goes away and this would a mistake? Either way after 2 years now I feel like I've gone insane by waiting for my feelings to change and hiding the fact that I feel depressed to my friends and family. I  wanted to keep it a secret this entire time because if I wanted to do something I would have full control and have no friends or family standing in the way but there is a drawback and that is that I can't ask anyone any questions on suicide or anything alike because it would reveal/cause suspicion that I'm suicidal.

​

About a week ago I decided that I had enough and wanted to finally commit suicide because a lot my problems in life are getting much bigger and my feelings doesnt seem to be changing anytime soon and I don't want to wait in what feels like hell any longer. After searching up online with a vpn on ways to kill myself, I learned there are no ways to kill myself with a 100% guaranteed to die or anything with a really high percentage that would be available to me.

​

I couldn't do any overdose on pills on something and learned that there is a high percentage of people who survive and I would be likely to have some sorta brain damage if I did. I couldn't hang myself because I dont have anything to hang myself from or anything to suspend me except a belt. I couldn't shoot myself in the head because I don't have a gun and I'm a high schooler so I couldn't get one anyway. I couldn't cut myself in anyway because after research I learned that that is the highest suicide attempt that most people survive from and plus it would be a lot of pain before you die. I couldn't do the old toaster in the bathtub because outlets in modern homes have something to stop higher amounts of electricity or something because of that way of attempt and also because bathrooms are really moist. I couldn't that thing were you get a lot of co2 in the car and pass out because that would require my parents to be home from work. I couldn't order and helium tank or gas because obviously I'd be questioned on why I'd be doing that. I couldn't jump from a building because I live in the suburbs where there aren't any tall enough buildings for me to jump from without a huge chance of me surviving the fall and being disabled in some way after that physically or brain damage. I couldnt use chemical products because their are no certain ways I know it would work and I don't want to endanger any family members or oets with any make shift gas or something from products that would linger.

​

For the last paragraph I want to ask anyone is believes that people should have the right to take their own life. What way do you thing would be possible to kill myself? I've been considering jumping in front of the metro but I have the feeling I wouldn't be able to get through with that. Please I need an answer because I've now become mad knowing I might not even be able to commit suicide. To anyone that wants to convince to me to live or something, right now Im not really open minded and I don't really want to find a reason to live. I've already tried for the past 2 years so anything you might say I probably had a similar thought already and examined it.

​

Thank you to anyone that can help me.",6.997633005498332,6.343968500000003,7.016007899016497,78.36166072949744,64.57306590257879,9.265143653682335,35.77030899093936,8.27314431278463,2.8299217377836285,2815,118,528,30,37,902,264,698,0.138,0.754,0.107,-0.9889,1,0,6,2,0,14,45.0,0,5,2,9,17,22,7,0,35,0,76,7,3,7,6,142,118,41,13,40,22,1,9,4,2,15,4,1,3,0,34,29,0,6,28,0,0,10,27,13,0,1,8,10,67,9,87,73,16,71,1,3,0,0,21,30,1,27,25,374,101,7,0.08024547935916705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035566387858366945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855288190309235,0.03208614042581636,0.0,0.17389188671890068,0.1950140814535944,0.16370903309691673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221900993651654,0.0,0.16508798038659064,0.0,0.07501869085736446,0.0,0.037696634688793536,0.0,0.0,0.3668767455430266,0.04431241369253902,0.03414149628791203,0.04520458794678589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958049373822609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121710596823897,0.08488907699114799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500106425645642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455765689359891,0.0,0.083282138447506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047023552085899284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291503114677268,0.0,0.026500691151794743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129659255009786,0.0,0.1622981018834842,0.05732738648799386,0.03852412217820474,0.04395250013496207,0.03667145718242263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061997458295374286,0.0,0.08384990191028815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411775063219305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053786853312341266,0.1271756320882477,0.08049275861370657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043339443950647163,0.0,0.0,0.035662934555743896,0.1775594671080491,0.0,0.04410081685521322,0.032705387949589736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667975521214184,0.07840777571832322,0.0,0.10628734265921792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233275541849926,0.0,0.0,0.02678224029430161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512777251212562,0.04051252936900062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029494830246090557,0.059501006158045426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042102065922437516,0.0,0.02718820679155029,0.0,0.042693423882559936,0.0,0.04455155420806359,0.0,0.07660339001357742,0.08344816730927851,0.0,0.0,0.04404271953558758,0.0,0.04523236043631524,0.0,0.0,0.04325909950914402,0.038392043179007615,0.0,0.0,0.1348399528844373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281461776083199,0.12375857647040725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852920091887853,0.0,0.031907213002056414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652623529957713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533067135029654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03354440694948728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30721435517709306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03016730690248378,0.0,0.0,0.03693962803687816,0.0,0.0,0.05331153081660042,0.0,0.0,0.03185297355207651,0.02339589216569055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027240706516634024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034653164755572084,0.0,0.0,0.2366543140735799,0.2547805055827721,0.032184041604612704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03620453186788476,0.0,0.0,0.03867688926781414,0.0,0.05841966469252013,0.0,0.0,0.3135224739981011,0.0,0.1950140814535944,0.07751318663387574
suicidewatch,rxad,2019/03/02,"Last 5h, goodbye sorry Before I start writing I want to say sorry to my life.hello it's me rayad am a 18 yo depressed boy with no go no friends or even a pet ,  I can't handle this life anymore I hate this society day by day no one cares abt me no one has helped me or even tried to, I know I'm not psycho but it's time to end this shit , I don't want my life I don't deserve to be human.. Before I go tell my momma I love her so much . 
*",-2.1096420411271914,-0.3394570594059356,1.1093069306930694,100.947250571211,94.84158415841586,3.5037319116527037,15.690022848438687,4.713530739802397,-1.141430159939071,331,8,86,1,13,117,64,101,0.188,0.6890000000000001,0.123,-0.561,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,0,9,16,4,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,3,0,2,0,1,16,3,7,15,1,8,0,1,0,1,10,0,1,2,6,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539329169148815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009822804007811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803161316729324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281145389487468,0.0,0.15232552037893232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664162077691082,0.0,0.0,0.2336229902697033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663824382091294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102229386919365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746083492167958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185426206061049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971952452865902,0.14416096710361476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37475514764598666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961913760545754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000925900610513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396839438764171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064271890146418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153979299348905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959508628501581,0.12517934606577455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457964163246435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031259572904758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007338369068217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862810029145568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TurnedCynical,2019/03/02,Give me a reason not to do it. Please. Anything. It’s always looming in the background but today the feeling is overwhelming,1.3482608695652196,3.3317481739130406,2.621391304347828,84.46165217391305,110.7391304347826,3.5791304347826087,26.33913043478261,5.6839178017228535,1.422380869565218,100,5,15,1,5,32,21,23,0.055,0.795,0.15,0.2846,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483366976578556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444997892542444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167373059313005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015915028277483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4595339879579182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304250720597749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968157105707483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatdudecookin,2019/03/02,"Suicidal I’ve never posted on reddit after being a lurker on here for as long as I can remember. I’m completely done with my situation in life and I see nothing getting better anytime soon nor do I see a way out other than this. My mental health is deteriorating by the day and I feel as if I just want to sleep all the time. This could potentially be my last day here soon. If someone wants to talk that would be much appreciated. If not that’s fine too.
Thanks everyone and I hope your life goes as well as mine❤️",1.3932625318606642,3.5778794392523388,3.9737298215802888,83.89826677994904,81.71028037383178,6.881563296516568,20.942225998300763,8.00094639256281,1.0244841121495325,408,12,86,8,11,143,78,107,0.079,0.804,0.117,0.4592,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,4,0,9,4,1,0,2,19,18,12,1,8,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,3,10,5,16,12,2,15,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,4,9,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313683443728552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933991899579428,0.0,0.0,0.14727355092290426,0.0,0.0,0.2379184383422759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876309915096026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625614435717613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326677721783093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963709375580768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960686938812201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832069806219878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035671255881894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26057424163479875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323824790922606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588882421130234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559679280117595,0.0,0.14226426768564365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699104069156782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665839253446958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895332075033365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939759875680628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733689782613085,0.1845897687241813,0.0,0.1562894416579242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017655341966567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825919294827772,0.0,0.16982281461792756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075581014001696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759451214466985,0.1464130287284208,0.0,0.0,0.16584859655009582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103264535306305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeanBandit45,2019/03/02,"getting help i have finally excepted that i have a problem and need real professional help. but i don’t know how to bring it up to my mom that i need a therapist and i don’t want her to know. i don’t want her to know the full extent of my problems and what goes on in my head. so how do i ask her i need one?? i fake being happy to well in front of her and she’d never believe me. i’m also afraid of going to a therapist and coming clean, that my life will change such as being locked in a psych ward or my family finds out i’ve tried to kill myself. i think i’ll just wait till i’m 18 to do it on my own or something. i just don’t know what to do anymore. ",1.2765818181818176,1.8641595066666667,3.8095151515151535,92.03809090909093,77.26666666666667,7.054545454545455,20.96969696969697,7.348242739294969,0.3397333333333332,506,11,128,6,11,179,81,150,0.108,0.77,0.122,-0.3839,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,5,0,13,2,1,2,1,31,31,14,1,7,6,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,5,1,1,0,0,24,2,22,27,3,15,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,3,90,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477812590532895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474106280088873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458681463215439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757937754889401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506036245272604,0.13440709693266212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709236623450206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709245961936149,0.14260972621557647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815198827193098,0.0,0.08867614918450498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609815590303462,0.0,0.0,0.16013306680448453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916890176229488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262544862411236,0.0,0.34300275477571035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020947889471687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274190197541074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470855612120625,0.12034091097114367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573080604754187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986016475636087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759771020734103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012047121161387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36232859047682375,0.0,0.09997851804611667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593496950315097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406253544756845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029082296494516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mortuaryfaerie,2019/03/02,"Self harming again I haven't since about October or maybe September. I walked past my boyfriend today and accidentally bumped into him. He screamed and screamed about what a terrible bitch I am. I called my mom for comfort and my dad butted in and he just kept screaming too telling me he knows I did it on purpose and I'm a piece of shit. He screamed for almost two hours. He screamed over things that aren't even my fault. He made my boyfriend slap me and push me to the floor.   He made my mom blocked my number

So I took a razor  and cut my entire right arm and left leg. And now I get to go to work",1.2676178660049615,3.4786720645161324,1.8332258064516118,98.908300248139,82.38709677419354,5.105707196029776,22.44168734491315,6.297961479604792,0.11676625310173705,472,16,110,4,13,144,81,124,0.24,0.703,0.057,-0.9746,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,3,0,4,0,4,3,3,2,0,19,12,12,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,10,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,11,0,1,5,5,19,1,12,7,1,16,0,0,0,0,14,7,2,2,5,62,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068652931671985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464597661663847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323721228232486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047084909107579,0.0,0.11390038173702326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736826354538706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014276404954287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775132842506087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792747668498034,0.0,0.0,0.20134366134116294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694469163527009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191318658322384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711531927422677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907640460023724,0.0,0.20572297056637426,0.16578524065557546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517141857078508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314672558403262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996985044467551,0.0,0.22266828023201546,0.0,0.0,0.19577619377114872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590440275078545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SaintCannabis,2019/03/02,"My own worst enemy, Stoners beware I hate talking about my feelings but, I have no friends left at this point and this seems like the right place to do it, over the course of like, my entire time in high school, I became the class pothead. Don't ever let anyone say to you that weed isn't addictive. It is, and don't ever shoot down someone saying that it affects your brain chemistry growing up, because it does. I was already quite depressed, but once I smoked weed I found an escape, until one bowl a week became one bowl a day, then two a day, then three, then four, then five, and so on. It got to the point where, last year, my senior year, I was In arguably the most constructive healthy relationship I could concieve, so what did I do? I threw it away because she wanted me to smoke less weed. But that was too much for me I guess, Flash Forward six months later, all my friends have left for college, don't talk to me anymore, and I just spend everyday alone in my room, smoking weed, because I have absolutely no idea how to stop. This is the most miserable I have ever been and yes I am leaving out alot, but I can't stress enough how destructive a simple drug like weed can be to people like us.

TL;DR I threw away some of the easiest opportunities for a happier me, so I could get high. Don't do what I did.",4.65731951871658,5.167465761363637,5.082379679144385,86.28401069518719,69.41666666666667,7.87843137254902,28.02941176470589,7.724431198458867,1.4735631016042778,1027,33,216,11,17,327,150,264,0.121,0.708,0.171,0.9381,0,1,3,1,0,0,37.0,1,2,0,2,12,13,2,2,14,1,27,3,1,3,4,31,37,19,0,3,5,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,1,0,14,6,0,1,4,0,1,4,8,6,0,7,10,3,33,7,25,23,10,45,0,2,0,0,11,22,0,6,25,155,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186383383852868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157771470629568,0.12335923162434932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110862214221483,0.07816375109374324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100542767257346,0.0,0.0,0.20443211991929192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479075371223472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850491928772771,0.0,0.0,0.1441861466882891,0.0,0.09628158699109243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782515842410176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296369017620824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550538291422545,0.0,0.0,0.3033519882514807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056522635718244826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225681761689241,0.17273201399248736,0.0,0.0584038556912793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940591154638494,0.0,0.12314548171325684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036606947192236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362172435813081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619340205607718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112095373367524,0.0,0.11836580994194724,0.2429128154040659,0.11430931553996344,0.0,0.21845303638048846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922695332857856,0.0,0.082175972545537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904902159373724,0.15149891124807935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749871473031651,0.0,0.11679314646834488,0.0,0.21134883434808516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889875017284753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001691386611492,0.0,0.09546509822723563,0.0,0.17779429396845758,0.0,0.11313395105119453,0.0,0.1017662717203712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471637640921772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345855668732857,0.12805110905828235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796995801693546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518363307213686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919921077406483,0.0,0.13446544914119204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593460024632984,0.0,0.08966842315207521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397373920777734
suicidewatch,themagicalmage22,2019/03/02,"I need tips in helping a suicidal friend to change It was sudden. I was just telling her my life story and it is our first real conversation online. Then I asked her about her relationships then she started dissing herself. I kept on refuting it by telling the opposite. She then opens up to me on her suicide attempts and continues to curse at herself with insults. She keeps telling me that she'll kill herself soon so I told her some things about my own attempts and how I changed my life. I kept telling her that I'll change her since she kept telling me that everyone told her the same thing and failed. She also has loads of family problems like the grandfather molestation of her, uncaring attitude of her aunts and uncles, the ignorance of her parents and favoritism toward her siblings.

I need to help her and this is the first time this happened to me where someone is actually suicidal and open to it towards me. ",5.425117830146731,7.1946572832369995,5.287861271676302,80.85370386838598,68.65317919075144,8.791285015562472,34.694975544686535,9.265573868473778,3.2688900844819915,742,37,134,15,13,230,94,173,0.184,0.753,0.063,-0.979,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,5,8,8,3,0,6,0,7,2,0,1,0,24,18,14,4,3,1,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,7,0,39,2,21,10,3,20,0,1,0,0,39,10,0,1,11,105,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.1174947686157702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628525955738908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125594107767028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821073539793892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150490600066463,0.0,0.0,0.11350408221826565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048273842521329,0.0,0.0,0.0930221161636744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647089596914026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614055496617813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701863373742357,0.1332067299968442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008667511344971,0.05882222772953082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785527877713714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369192753258202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152082423554744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370435843625817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926645206307866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959759619096004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201603704248784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522099922687279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951000142841676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261823109831808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599791845936084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702072458654985,0.0,0.0,0.2300981200132926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Necros-,2019/03/02,"20 years old and possibly mentally troubled. Hi everyone, i'm sorry to bring my negativity to you all but i need to know what is wrong with me and what am i.

Short summary of my life: never had friends - dedicated my youth to improving myself, trying to become skilled in various subjects (i really tried them all: music, drawing, painting, programming, 3d modelling, if you can imagine i probably tried learning it) and planning my life ahead. I obviously sucked and failed at all of those. I've been clinically depressed for at least 6 years (first time a psychologist told me) never untreated because psychiatrists in my area are unprofessional. 

What led me to write here is this:   i think i have some other serious mental problems because i can't fucking remember stuff well and i can't understand math. I tried for several years to start studying math since i needed it to learn programming and since i wanted to apply for university but i obviously failed again and again and again AND AGAIN AND I'M TOTALLY FUCKING SICK OF THIS. I tried practicing, i tried watching shitloads of youtube and khan academy, and i still can't even understand basic shit like triangle's areas or systems of polynomials, not to mention i still have problems with divisions and fractions. Now. Since i don't see myself working 9 to 5 a job i don't like doing to keep on living a life i hate, and since my only ""dream job"" is IT and programming, i want to know what is wrong with me and if it's the case i should really kill myself once and for all. I am sick of sucking at everything i do. I spent my whole life trying to be someone successful at age 20 and now that i'm there i'm the worst pathetic bastard on earth. I can't even find a stupid low level job because i live in SOUTHERN ITALY, literally one of the worst places to find job in europe. If someone has some ideas on why i suck so much or what am i please gift me a comment. Thanks and sorry again.",5.539249329758714,6.571013144772119,6.457754423592495,75.3378487935657,67.68632707774799,10.043067024128687,32.88246648793566,10.17224662633116,3.430910863270777,1545,67,284,38,25,513,193,373,0.252,0.6629999999999999,0.085,-0.9977,4,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,2,1,8,15,28,10,0,8,0,24,10,1,1,9,63,50,27,1,10,8,0,0,2,1,1,7,0,0,0,15,22,0,1,12,1,1,2,10,22,1,2,4,2,47,6,41,44,13,41,0,4,2,2,9,17,7,7,23,195,62,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303432096452288,0.09241959625567814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207471747778911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054162807464793,0.0,0.0,0.07996121956636723,0.07520749897486748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152966673872587,0.0711794057441378,0.0,0.0,0.06465208715883458,0.15472431968321065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261811551837818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446618076200053,0.0,0.0,0.3321637407009398,0.07437992513347269,0.0925811352511714,0.0,0.09197828212618124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642675521684814,0.08176506729550248,0.0,0.14778452171906492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866245590363854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151550041681478,0.1240974821206606,0.12908059899242932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780961382694362,0.08911802210083691,0.05670472188731252,0.06364351992427603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742931331020526,0.09185711222420764,0.0,0.09433827094639667,0.0,0.0,0.0902227655383269,0.16014370847200585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721697004103678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479477961222477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668328804905138,0.0,0.0,0.09453622898235857,0.08589781448592845,0.2768886684288482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180605624720066,0.0,0.0,0.18734908309533,0.05923016694314169,0.0,0.13365624150626965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579524922459634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704264391217358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053619699616794005,0.0,0.0,0.04879533132627719,0.0,0.0,0.07996121956636723,0.0,0.3976995206847509,0.0,0.0,0.17423069870470898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871498452149202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523968081726698,0.0,0.07550950036420871,0.0934273598372848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060921098337550814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298507639287093,0.0,0.16166434676520447
suicidewatch,mynameisbroot,2019/03/02,"I am not really sure what to do to get myself feeling better or if it's even worth it I have been thinking of suicide daily as of late. Mostly work is a source of stress and anxiety for me but I cant just quit as I need to provide for myself and my wife.

My stress is starting to show through at my work and it is possible I will be terminated anyway in the coming weeks. I can't even keep a job for much more than a year. I constantly job job as my anxiety is too much to handle. I make about $60000/year and I am wondering if it makes sense to just go work some minimum wage job with zero worry and stress. I do not need much money to survive as I have zero debt. i don't think that is fair to my wife though living super simply just cause my brain can't handle a real job.

My wife said she cannot help me as she is not qualified to deal with how I am feeling.

Basically my life sucks and I don't feel like living. I have already planned how I will end it I just thought I may as well reach out before I do anything final.

I don't think anyone wants to be bored with specifics so I decided to keep this post short and sweet as it were.



Edit: I thought of doing a long term disability through work as I am covered pretty good with benefits. I just don't know if I can get a Dr to sign off on that. I imagine lot's of people try to go this route just so they do not need to work",1.3957807308970092,2.7217141860465115,3.4537727574750825,91.74529700996679,78.2358803986711,6.543574750830564,21.67455149501661,7.24861992348623,0.4857291960132883,1074,29,252,13,25,366,149,301,0.118,0.769,0.113,-0.1384,7,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,10,17,13,1,3,7,0,34,3,1,5,1,58,60,25,1,7,15,3,3,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,13,0,2,12,1,4,3,12,5,1,2,5,5,41,8,43,50,8,19,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,9,10,177,52,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233100623110196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187798036207325,0.0,0.0,0.06483969780694822,0.0,0.07630974299902622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890728329318135,0.0,0.0,0.0820130673187894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351850629709984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952603198680666,0.0,0.07987957818760709,0.0,0.1002093086701652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560162827347247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213217555324702,0.0,0.0,0.12249595193753332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066279706156182,0.06624707200761165,0.0,0.10158231936720848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689627994545648,0.0,0.10540237165762703,0.07777839500011736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062155660021092476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460106232432374,0.1648472144469312,0.0,0.0,0.05096255330623988,0.0,0.10460464983614083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549867445464216,0.045303701094556864,0.0,0.16376641076233386,0.08206405047001934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883661233322771,0.0,0.0,0.12379737573931365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450394788964535,0.2062766688467252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428802575651778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045403121430063,0.08881070108619947,0.09434080295891888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986308733006594,0.0,0.10554822254329824,0.05940587739564384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882084522413214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656355059129363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186692718428739,0.0,0.0,0.10143270461119072,0.0,0.08739790579836668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825491432227644,0.0911077739201122,0.1472361718776694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295828771205585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469516873450276,0.0,0.07438324515712137,0.0,0.08337633962622129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056285496633932,0.33754650007954184,0.0941728702638582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943149620816898
suicidewatch,cookieckie,2019/03/02,"How to do it Can someone tell me what's the quickest way to commit suicide, just tell me.",0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.73684210526315,3.8,25.28947368421053,3.1291,0.17971578947368405,70,3,15,0,2,23,16,19,0.198,0.705,0.097,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580402550891232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622204965712182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.738685619671109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354145846207072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,admiralofawesomeness,2019/03/02,"My best friend since childhood failed suicide last night. How should I handle the subject when he leaves the hospital. As said my best friend has always struggled with depression and last night tried to kill himself. Any general advice on how you wish your loved ones reacted next time they saw you and how you wish it was handled? 

Right now he doesn't know I know as his parents forbade telling anyone but his little brother went rogue and told me. He's still in the hospital and will be fpr several days. He doesn't have his phone so I really wont have contact with him for a little while. 

I sent him a text asking him if he santed to hang out tomorrow for his birthday even though I know he wont see it for two more days just because I'm not supposed to tell anyone I know he's in the hospital and I thought it'd help him when he gets out.

I really don't know how to handle this. How would you want your friends to react to all this?",3.3081326352530525,4.810084979057597,3.8943246073298425,89.82166143106458,73.55497382198952,7.1875741710296674,25.298778359511342,7.793537801064563,1.2089347993019195,745,24,157,10,15,235,115,191,0.061,0.81,0.129,0.9054,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,6,1,3,13,10,1,1,6,0,14,1,0,7,1,33,33,19,2,6,4,2,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,7,3,27,6,18,19,4,26,0,2,2,1,39,8,0,1,15,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073803219914785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280894881073367,0.0,0.0,0.08402269199862411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278722737378474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550869680447183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531892702333695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593299560672009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936750836138885,0.0,0.10641907681341052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160793701883452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863784557306201,0.0,0.06455319858390582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281735205343063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669701788013694,0.0,0.3395172472846673,0.2014301607968373,0.0,0.13082854794924595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476722482770071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151461175690744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140379430747948,0.23189890738608104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372511700886792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719492858044255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583069815572203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551661993464924,0.11753057470355432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984585746763368,0.0,0.0,0.13958373429384666,0.0,0.1022072562524196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867242168400216,0.0,0.0,0.1291681346988099,0.0,0.1351508133718788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598774408585408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139368458135273,0.09809010054156324,0.07204681883279157,0.0,0.0,0.11806357991967867,0.0,0.08388678804731739,0.0,0.12069679740949972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287685535267348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453816116051398,0.0,0.0,0.28416787319509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777102922085117,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throawayacounttxxx,2019/03/02,"Suicidal and in a relationship I'm 21 years old and boyfriend is 24 years old. I've always wanted to kill myself, it's just on and off. It's been off since I met my boyfriend 4 years ago. Suddenly last year idk what triggered it but I've been feeling bad since then. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend how I feel or should I get professional help before I tell him. I'm very honest with him but this news will take a huge toll on a person so is there any advice for me to on how to tell him how I feel?",0.8808108108108108,2.4574693783783808,2.5588198198198207,96.48741891891892,80.44144144144144,5.881441441441443,19.20810810810811,6.742157984588678,-0.15718810810810835,395,9,98,4,10,130,69,111,0.104,0.777,0.119,0.3797,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,5,0,20,17,12,2,2,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,13,1,12,12,0,17,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,10,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654395848539438,0.15007567215537027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087251134310091,0.0,0.0,0.1151309080442448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135978200327742,0.0,0.0,0.1440632100229742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568119599328532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845310943200008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134793079932205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873071597817676,0.0,0.09304374341447244,0.13800341769826815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553071437898692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782764540019672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817665818504432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28009610121143397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851884948732357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272937493269375,0.0,0.4439312377084909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396915682244392,0.09985848266203816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360987732315528
suicidewatch,POS-H,2019/03/02,"I will be dead very soon I am not able to attract any girl. I don't know how, to be honest.

People think I am a retard. I get verbally abused everyday. Why do I get abused? I have a lot of emotional meltdowns and talk about hurting people, even though I don't really mean it, deep inside. I get easily flustered, so they make fun of my outbursts and then act like they are the only friends I will ever find.

​

I don't have anything going for me. Every day is a low point for me.",1.7620022002200209,3.5102683465346587,3.624290429042905,89.06622662266226,78.40594059405942,6.469086908690867,22.113311331133108,7.3871296695380915,0.7817515951595158,377,11,80,5,9,127,70,101,0.212,0.638,0.15,-0.7748,0,0,0,0,2,1,17.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,2,1,11,22,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,16,5,7,18,1,10,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,53,17,0,0.1793076713508809,0.42490053988678816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427978699472567,0.2178784468939708,0.1219353652406467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755493551803606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563861426777412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169699611697914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843102583633275,0.16219405429478975,0.15107444658956928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388396318234644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385326620937804,0.0,0.2810425728888613,0.0,0.10190468177561343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195257071058572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854280687372594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876006710417177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244097007951216,0.0,0.0,0.11968926297359962,0.0,0.0,0.19531861994620356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363715639754675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486187247467436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695037067878515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148690857027056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441207141779643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489311567520365,0.17616887670746725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479476074829515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617972838699872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178784468939708,0.0
suicidewatch,separatedfromworld,2019/03/02,"I'm sorry for being myself. I'm sorry for being myself, human piece of trash. I just make mistakes, I'm egoistic and I can't live with myself no more. I'm done being useless and hurting closest people in my life. I'm dissapointment that shouldn't be in this world. I can't go on anymore. I just can't. Recently I even forgot how it is to be trully happy, to be happy with your own life. There is no hope. NO HOPE. No hope for a better life. No hope for being happy. No hope to make my dreams come true. No hope to even find someone in my love. There is no point in living. I shouldn't have been born. If I die right now, who will even care about it...",-0.626442845723421,1.5182928345323743,1.938213429256596,94.92068545163872,91.87769784172664,3.9521982414068746,14.197042366107116,5.46131890053228,-0.9612545163868904,500,9,112,3,18,171,72,139,0.192,0.544,0.264,0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,1,10,16,0,0,1,0,19,4,0,3,1,23,37,4,1,10,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,13,3,0,0,3,0,14,13,17,24,3,14,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,7,3,79,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132911184840689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103219350233113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164709096963629,0.0,0.0,0.09840394054480092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855862124742544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690278302446175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635480766678515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044093603677686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492278094858106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36481808098880336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6807709557816949,0.0,0.0,0.12229167967180335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420641600658016,0.0,0.0,0.20174443222576185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031021794299467,0.0,0.15250643378765108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919665085648239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798966086751173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279397238422904,0.0,0.0,0.09755666374070328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679153801421173,0.0,0.0,0.25575502736974703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mako2281431,2019/03/02,"Why do I deserve a good life? (21M) if that matters I always think this when I tell my mom, my father, and my friends I plan on killing myself. I choose not to seek help, I barely have any passion anymore; it’s odd but I really don’t care about anyone, I know when I off myself they’ll be people who will mourn me but eventually they’ll get over it, I don’t see why they can’t accept it. I’ve already told them my past, I’ve willingly quit my job, willingly got in crippling debt, and willingly refuse to get a job. I mean it’s my life and if I’ve already done things that keep me up at night or make me punch walls, household appliances and cry and scream while showering, wouldn’t they understand? It’s just odd because I sit here knowing I have people who love me, knowing I have great opportunities but I don’t want any of them because they’re not what I really want. What I really want is to go back, to fix the mistakes I’ve done, sexually hurting animals when I was a teenager, cheating on the person I still am in love with, and never telling my crush I felt love for them before they died in a car crash. It’s like I’m living in another reality then they are, another world; I just assume it’s because they’ve never experienced all I have experienced when I grew up, being bullied for being bisexual or as my brothers called it “gay”, having my house burn down when I was still in middle school, moving different types never really establishing friends, I’ve emotionally abused my family and even some of my former relationships, so why do I deserve a good life? If I’m my eyes, I’ve already become a demon or something less then human, why do I deserve salivation and not destruction?",6.080309597523217,5.719319588235298,7.110712074303407,75.95478328173378,66.35294117647058,10.3343653250774,32.30650154798761,9.93914555978268,2.97414705882353,1340,49,265,27,19,453,175,340,0.149,0.6779999999999999,0.173,0.8307,5,0,1,0,1,1,36.0,0,0,9,3,14,20,3,0,8,0,29,10,2,1,4,47,53,27,3,8,14,3,1,1,2,7,3,1,1,2,16,9,0,2,10,0,1,4,11,7,0,0,7,7,53,13,24,36,3,38,1,2,2,5,28,16,0,8,18,170,69,4,0.0,0.10709266420564327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29922969142396943,0.0,0.07520841671296694,0.0,0.0,0.12293119823277568,0.1895552643951571,0.0,0.0,0.08963865321159699,0.06320001298198777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950127702228442,0.0,0.16529545284155056,0.09982426764292347,0.07691185334253745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229424126383574,0.0,0.09215458036968384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928480853825614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938064278775523,0.09443416250781048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849925778334312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167211687797724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969911963303021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520790388995585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678476215962241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966404342132374,0.0,0.0944459391018775,0.0,0.051368463166869424,0.1516230253990738,0.07228996422678441,0.09965091594548653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060583849911405876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042933418822381,0.09676011333850483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938837376693295,0.0803392554674595,0.09999874916604416,0.0,0.14902139304254097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915269757191613,0.04415804814255731,0.0,0.07981251946152601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447307599469181,0.0,0.060333376145240314,0.0,0.0,0.09845688303705932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585902463058056,0.0,0.09606604445610194,0.0,0.0,0.20913383281314896,0.0,0.0,0.08482116519876925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628369197092649,0.12532458354433898,0.07892159407790092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613666756414904,0.0,0.0,0.23161441830216165,0.0,0.0,0.09704076900428764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147548671971817,0.07202596270928517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958358090383772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436479886103548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800274635632328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600484613365388,0.05791571768688779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636772401564352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940950437123548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993606498743565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262373297146748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,calmiswhen,2019/03/02,It sucks cause I can't find a good place to cry I have to stop myself from feeling sadness cause I can't vent out and I don't have time for myself to be alone. I keep on forgetting about this and it builds up then i start thinking about killing myself again. ,0.05402597402597209,2.349350454545455,0.9906493506493526,101.95454545454548,89.9090909090909,3.8701298701298703,16.948051948051948,5.288315135182226,-0.8841948051948054,205,5,48,1,7,63,38,55,0.336,0.638,0.026,-0.9517,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,11,11,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,10,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,5,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834481764786844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.562285994071216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30062275602354016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837996902267327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501370034537088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295483691975572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432578432802319,0.3027844845127492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859355687323913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371090575664895,0.0,0.0,0.22880730905338395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536200073755315,0.0,0.0,0.15958401462860336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,universalix,2019/03/02,"A humane death is all I want Since I was 13 I wanted to die. I'm 32 now. I've been in and out of therapy for the past 4 years...but the drugs, the therapy....nothing really helped. Last year I had a psychotic episode and had to be in a psych ward twice. Since then I have lost what little will to live I had left. I want this never ending charade of having to pretend to come to a close. Life is just a run down theme park in my mind. I am hopeless, have no motivation and no real interests anymore. Nothing makes me happy and I am just a burden to society. There is no magic left, everything is transparent and stale, I keep myself alive with pure escapism, playing video games until the day comes. I don't want a 9-5 job that will break me. I don't want kids who will hate in the end. I don't want to get old and sick.

The methods I have in mind for ending my life without the possibility of being saved and/or crippled all involve significant violence dealt upon my body. I just wish I had more humane options where I could just fall asleep ina comfy bed and never wake up again. I wish my loved ones would understand and support me in what is ultimately my decision. I even wish they could be there so I wouldn't have to be all alone in my final moment. How nice that would be. I know I am selfish, what's wrong with being selfish anyway...",2.4462608695652186,4.068057290909092,4.005407114624507,87.64167588932806,76.0909090909091,6.964426877470356,23.22924901185771,7.7425588080867325,1.0018758893280628,1045,31,222,15,23,348,155,275,0.172,0.698,0.13,-0.9516,2,1,2,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,2,13,14,1,0,14,0,36,8,3,3,6,51,57,12,2,14,5,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,7,14,0,1,4,4,0,4,10,7,0,2,7,0,33,7,29,36,4,37,0,2,0,1,9,16,0,1,16,152,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099917805370448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532244614621088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796491183463333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296480549024047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958505547214864,0.0,0.0,0.06849059337416799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021944322367064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231589653903262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821865963531378,0.0,0.0,0.07014448663885725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544624045924184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633755288878275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548542385674128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305250050267734,0.0,0.10485109367473736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711840153885606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538769636980548,0.09439596205695193,0.0,0.0,0.05836506566836641,0.08656765345885227,0.0,0.0,0.2307744987620991,0.0,0.15002523177221086,0.0,0.10644088886888987,0.09377706471043283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593048689730175,0.0,0.09585017683530532,0.0,0.07088971701611921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446463858265988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381688073647432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038046564753865,0.0,0.1114396520320452,0.0,0.0719642667846129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138047790000088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972520581049878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087951918148265,0.06803481596474774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570044734588716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205151684990538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214496276198006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105585572624121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758391494730037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663763044259738,0.10237357686027806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088370105569104,0.11611367110933415,0.0,0.068389696618748
suicidewatch,BelleTristesse,2019/03/02,I'm so done I'm so done with everything I don't want to live anymore. I have one friend and one day she'll leave me one day like everyone else. I had a sort of friend that I would stay up so so late at night talking to and we'd text a lot throughout the day. We were also fucking around with sex stuff and he'd call me sweet and cute and hot and I felt so special and so good about myself like maybe I am pretty maybe my scars don't matter. Of course I read into things and felt more than he did and and he told me last night he just wants to chill and play video games with me and I'm just so broken. Everybody leaves me and he's leaving me. I hadn't cut in a month but I did last night because I was so mad and I deserved it for being so fucking stupid and then I got high as fuck but instead of being happy I think I cried for 4 hours. I'm done with life everybody leaves me I dropped out of school now all I do is work and sleep because sleeping is better than being awake. One day soon I'll have the guts to end everything I'm so fucking DONE.,-0.12228448275861935,1.8184876853448309,1.5585103448275888,100.41752413793104,85.9396551724138,4.574068965517242,17.469655172413795,5.6839178017228535,-0.7054098620689655,821,19,203,5,25,266,122,232,0.107,0.763,0.129,0.032,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,2,0,0,2,18,18,7,0,5,0,25,9,3,0,1,38,41,31,0,3,4,0,3,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,24,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,7,0,4,14,4,29,11,24,20,3,25,0,0,0,5,14,7,4,2,18,126,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318415172361614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075784185511804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146735076722518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157283925236176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093718168604425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344658640718638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052443481786877,0.23607725302493135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37460462695137897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644866274851013,0.0,0.08105472740318134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744607328152207,0.16449475138927136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573663675924206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414078269979957,0.3384149033950604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675806177208026,0.0731925448000576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741893905221244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966901454519653,0.0,0.0,0.09012339650331944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491931433396514,0.10323239729692556,0.38760277467676585,0.0,0.0,0.06463943232270622,0.08941877206683446,0.0,0.08080902333783131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780239691711698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838773296022526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304603986377789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576406144424576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480505071061681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310319634568727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153931407611793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261760925535686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831612793045507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754233277131197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476226387171277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735559279280613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060798199910032574,0.058638827764897636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744607328152207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795530404943382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662368156096786,0.0,0.0,0.06500930988593437,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Golden27Lion,2019/03/02,"Confused I am thinking about killing myself.

I don’t want to hurt those I love by doing so.

I am optimistic about the selfish aspects of suicide at this point.

I am worried about the after life and reincarnation. 

My life is so miserable at this point. Without a change soon I am afraid it will be the end. I have been here before but the feelings have not been so intense before. 

I feel like I am being backed into a corner here.

I have no one!",1.9310736579275911,4.198101932584272,3.2486891385767787,89.38429463171038,80.23595505617978,5.303870162297129,24.495630461922595,6.42735559955562,0.7899952559300876,348,13,69,3,9,113,59,89,0.19,0.6779999999999999,0.132,-0.6541,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,1,3,6,0,16,3,0,0,0,10,21,5,2,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,2,12,2,11,16,0,10,0,2,0,1,1,6,0,1,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069713173309112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777954398632941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483670656237896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966178538600732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449031770964625,0.15859018752286522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376456163209172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455997988938754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135971673757085,0.10845343400596023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003552575319548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042663123620406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197058962967831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24282177548000697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224266538649935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093585577945105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399109561948512,0.0,0.0,0.22544231317869776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lamekittenx,2019/03/02,Got drunk and took pills About 300mg prozac and 900mg wellbutrin. Then I fell asleep and I've just woken up and feel like shit and I don't know what to do. It's been 6 or 7 hours,-0.4800000000000004,0.9808631428571459,0.8669047619047632,107.54892857142859,84.23809523809524,4.2,12.88095238095238,3.1291,-1.9248761904761904,140,1,40,0,4,44,34,42,0.156,0.779,0.065,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,9,8,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,1,2,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164158083101812,0.3131554200241133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505864034642417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316838215475698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409042287073931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415436358127296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499572348610567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487020012342953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hererightnowrightnow,2019/03/02,Tax refund withheld. Paycheck withheld. Department of Labor case pending. Still stick. Rent's three month's past due. The title says it all. ,2.74625,4.486674458333333,2.1950000000000003,86.45000000000002,116.91666666666666,3.2666666666666675,24.83333333333333,5.46131890053228,1.1221333333333336,113,5,16,1,6,33,22,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754364684694674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686085326405508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47367912993232103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756811778115676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Asian_Chopsticks,2019/03/02,"I'm so scared I really dont know whats wrong with me. I don't know why i want to get rid of myself. I live a privileged life. If anyone were to look at me they see this happy go lucky, cheery girl. My life should be perfect. I'm a freshman, who is a straight a AP student, and a varsity track athlete. Everyone tells me im so lucky and things of that sort. So i just cant wrap my head around why I want to kill myself. I've burned myself and it helps as relief but I still get the feeling that I should go further. My life could be so much worse. Sure my family can get violent and messed up but we all love each other. I have food on my table, a roof above me head, and clothes on my back. I have close and supportives, that know about my self harm tendencies just not my urge to go through with suicide. I want to die but at the same time I dont. I want to go to college and live out a life, or at least graduate. Im so scared to why I'm getting these feelings. I dont want to go away, but sometimes I wish I do. ",0.2621726190476181,1.8473709910714289,2.319107142857145,97.43422619047622,82.39285714285714,5.8738095238095225,20.041666666666664,6.868970318607317,0.04060952380952365,778,21,196,9,21,261,121,224,0.18600000000000005,0.67,0.14400000000000002,-0.935,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,1,0,1,1,11,16,2,2,9,0,16,8,2,0,3,44,43,19,3,10,9,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,10,14,1,0,5,0,0,5,6,7,0,0,1,4,33,9,25,37,5,20,0,0,2,1,8,12,0,5,3,121,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235613718073798,0.0,0.0,0.09211979489538212,0.0,0.0,0.09722355855171183,0.07957029907405433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826209479885956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739666724242017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638359583508394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888027853166856,0.0,0.0,0.09755242905570158,0.0,0.10464593949543892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512931763021304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162576557624035,0.0,0.2940524370402421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015716848406368,0.0,0.0,0.2124021801921661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936095656145305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235539061414944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144861032642928,0.0,0.17061091998389066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29236601861452416,0.0,0.0,0.1827507728058337,0.0,0.08689775657827603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339540507221222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607024815549551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629240973607209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720453968921496,0.0,0.08246074949150811,0.0,0.10795297673761456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234509463874293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263985003797215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319113039842252,0.11742871375871244,0.0975293697401868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044672501530787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874800337773894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034044976743649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051780981352139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801258085465929,0.0,0.11899774032939915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054557113522451,0.0,0.1131399409550536,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joeyramone_,2019/03/02,"This is it.... I don't know what am I doing. I am 23 years old graduate. Jobless. Hopeless. I was really excited about getting a job after finishing college but after failures my confidence is fucked up. I feel like doing nothing. I live alone. I Ibarely go out my room, it's been like that for a month. This past month I've done nothing but binging and eating. Just that. I'm a failure. I've lost all hope. Sometimes I just think of ending it all idk what is stopping me from doing that. It feels bad to remember how shitty my college life was, overall it was a fuckall. Just trying not to remember it anyway. Friends moved on. Everyone is gone. I'm feeling bad about myself but I don't want to still I do. It's like I'm stuck in this loop of hopelessness. People say I'm too old. That makes me get drown in a sea of sorrow. I have let everyone down. Why was I even born, fuck. I want to disconnect from everyone and die.",-0.3006419662509145,1.9661241595744696,2.0648716067498185,91.805,97.29787234042551,5.146294937637563,21.37637564196625,6.8039241337230125,0.8188640498899487,714,28,147,12,29,241,108,188,0.294,0.584,0.122,-0.9918,2,1,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,2,0,5,0,20,4,0,2,2,25,41,6,2,3,7,0,3,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,16,3,1,1,7,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,9,4,19,6,20,31,2,23,0,4,0,2,2,7,2,1,16,96,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357186675168632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188270575247816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599958011161625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341001543196626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408737230492085,0.0,0.0,0.11606318417968264,0.0,0.0,0.08655116058489344,0.0,0.0,0.3756450746634048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987743781607396,0.09361551752393778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124173626344776,0.24229007067358785,0.13692673681028536,0.0,0.07447346178443519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015300386756246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003769603642829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720165534494377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399801587279067,0.0925579368322683,0.1920596320043894,0.0,0.1157113577396458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304642700991496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747069905677969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919090717892766,0.13927554864436045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514742126686066,0.0,0.27501038729413463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509319610638422,0.09084713662661432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394804159371469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968871848815813,0.0,0.0,0.10420884121621696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296026241292421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464928935161506,0.10955591067342647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396560305612576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896804806569998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545824252142423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824386894852623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843859282180903
suicidewatch,sleepmaintenance,2019/03/02,End of the line My soul is destroyed.  I hate this planet and all who inhabit it.  I'll never be able to exist in this superficial shithole where every thing is fake and everyone is just pretending.  Suicide sounds like a true vacation.  There's absolutely no reason to keep going.  I've been here a million times and all roads lead here.  I'm an alien stranded here and I'm tired of hurting and longing for whoever left me behind.  I'm only fading and things only get worse.  I really want to die right now.  I'm so unworthy of love and friendship this life is totally unbearable.  Not only do I want to be put out of my misery I want to be desecrated.  If only for a second I want people to see the true dark abyss of intimate pain I feel.  I want to be disrespected and spit on.  My only dying wish is everyone stops to piss on my grave.  This world could be beautiful but most of the time it's so fucking ugly.  I guess I'll have some coffee and get over it.  But I hope one day I muster up the confidence to kill myself in public.  I want everyone to see how much this hurts and how destroyed I truly am.  That's my only legacy.  Fuck the world and fuck you too.  Sitting in a dark room with dark thoughts about a dark World.  Happiness is a lie and no one in the world will ever truly give a shit about you unless you provide something they need.  It all sounds like self loathing but I just don't see it any other way.  This place is the opposite of kind.  The high cost of living just isn't worth it.  ,1.5108958223162323,3.6896236622950873,3.3743098889476464,88.39428344791115,81.22950819672131,6.5584346906398725,20.986250661025924,7.717688229018142,0.87944209413009,1167,34,243,20,31,391,166,305,0.224,0.628,0.14800000000000002,-0.9839,0,0,1,0,0,3,25.0,0,3,1,1,17,22,9,0,16,0,20,10,3,4,8,52,49,21,5,11,9,0,1,2,0,1,3,2,1,1,17,14,0,2,3,1,2,3,6,14,0,4,2,6,24,8,34,40,7,35,1,3,3,4,9,20,5,5,12,157,41,1,0.0966963485878212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575683289880026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720416609387933,0.0,0.0,0.06236114534981576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007110868991092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564426385198033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746738326811658,0.08147084416455673,0.2771925147199374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889257924619248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681826483757141,0.10103970228505592,0.0927599486321921,0.054954763270686456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652192961221876,0.0,0.0,0.10293506113303147,0.0,0.095467625123592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216500128096724,0.0,0.09604129236282524,0.0,0.0,0.20703088216942608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594815755369828,0.10698018295647643,0.10069436701919357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506086567036524,0.0,0.06829949065834247,0.09448190319756082,0.0,0.08538464736227616,0.0855732256435853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872722298780147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108294223651551,0.07169911724288537,0.07457818517172987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310478966485573,0.4412515824323113,0.102891732496929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703707290505889,0.0,0.10102710350558716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720653804145037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194615695687335,0.0994199511023956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257815335412683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116341151811504,0.0,0.10087538026711954,0.0,0.09925741226153116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444157329906949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084247719529164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577011090262498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848151469116914,0.0,0.0,0.07676609969177982,0.11276883694599048,0.1111382280941878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422040702786047,0.07675306066446552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119602876567547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854184021116216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Daniel0739,2019/03/02,"I’ve been looking at images of people that committed suicide I’ve been browsing r/gore and before and after suicide compilations of images, some of the stories of those people are so relatable, and most look so peaceful and happy, relieved that their ghosts can’t haunt them anymore.

Sometimes I envy them, being able to sleep forever, slumbering, dreaming profoundly, finally unbound from this wretched and cruel world.",19.14028169014085,11.854043661971831,16.204295774647893,42.115176056338036,49.0,18.143661971830987,62.2605633802817,13.816669648895859,8.504825352112675,344,19,42,7,2,108,54,71,0.201,0.65,0.149,-0.6695,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,8,7,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,2,8,4,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,31,8,0,0.2458139176667159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437813541553207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091695388838514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692771315145155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616734862474448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128435620457858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34083283930283265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459914415382625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431162500179815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5377610574282202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway19002374,2019/03/02,"Too many failed attempts. This time will be it I can't take life anymore. I can not continue living. I just fucking can not handle all this pain anymore. I've tried to kill myself in one way almost every single day recently. People say that once you almost die you realize you never really wanted to die. That's not true. Ive been too much of a pussy to do it in a way that will absolutely work. This time will be different. This time I will not come back.

​

I cut contacts and connections to every single friend and community I knew. I can't take this fucking suffering anymore. I hope they all hate me. I hope they're all just happy I'm gone. I hope I was just a weight lifted off their shoulders, that's what I deserve, I'm a fucking piece of shit, I'm just an ugly fucking bitch. I deserve to be hurt again and again and again, I need to remember how much it all hurts.

​

Being alive hurts. It physically fucking hurts. Everyone makes me feel afraid. Everyone makes me feel sad, angry, confused, anxious. From the fucking moment I wake up my heart is in literal pain just from all the sadness.

​

This time will be it. ",2.202166666666667,4.6932868222222215,3.484916666666667,86.77537500000004,80.77777777777777,6.238888888888887,24.041666666666664,7.492282038375204,1.2845,905,33,173,14,24,294,118,225,0.278,0.649,0.073,-0.9946,1,0,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,3,2,3,12,29,11,2,7,0,19,14,4,3,7,37,43,5,3,5,9,0,3,0,1,5,3,1,0,0,16,5,1,0,5,0,0,2,7,23,0,1,4,4,26,6,15,29,10,22,0,8,0,6,8,5,8,6,13,114,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800410992044894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25644845185242177,0.2875985776095472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912901619955986,0.2347282441637157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060665468664382736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796115027063332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088081826397983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376133374063515,0.08242859659438963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132945063548679,0.15077531462350274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978347495473319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095416525224887,0.4376235400108099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398531022998443,0.0,0.07789258610885329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349108364151994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350819335568105,0.0,0.0,0.3378353823235259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728574846279456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572594846062714,0.0,0.0,0.06966582638281855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532619533830798,0.07998725711650413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599396532301845,0.0584997234040348,0.06084877153705826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402071587793578,0.05346136745764367,0.0,0.16789991629163492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469593453259988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054222684003276,0.0,0.0778994018368227,0.0,0.08937277844315487,0.0,0.0,0.0627405570338086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098469529868588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863860620792588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401748929732467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356459997737715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465343791965577,0.12524652999768635,0.0,0.09607298789653544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743657874946345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875985776095472,0.0
suicidewatch,kimkox6669,2019/03/02,"Please suggest painless ways to commit suicide and maybe even encourage me? Hi, I've been thinking about killing myself for 10 years but never could muster up enough courage but shit has somewhat hit the fan already.

I keep fucking up and continue to disappoint everyone around me including myself. 

My parents are on the verge of kicking me out and I'll be on street at his point. I'm not smart, good-looking or talented in any way whatsoever.. so kind of worthless at this point and my parents keep calling me a liability  (which is indeed correct). 

I am not physically strong or anything impressive, my looks are probably barebones average or below and I am kind of an idiot who always had terrible grades since middle school. I am a waste of space already and I don't want anyone to tell me otherwise. I wish to end it all once and for all but my pathetic self can't even kill myself for the fear of failure and pain (mainly it's the former).

​

​

Please suggest me ways to kill myself? I am particularly interested in carbon monoxide and drugs but am not sure how to get access to either of those things in enough quantity to make it lethal. I also don't have access to any firearms sadly either. I live in India BTW so any local help would be greatly appreciated. 

 ",5.714878463782205,7.1222659132231465,6.296475449684008,75.27460622265437,67.55371900826447,8.834613514827419,32.830335439961104,9.168548406835145,3.044438697131745,1029,45,177,19,17,335,151,242,0.209,0.621,0.171,-0.9121,2,0,1,1,0,5,30.0,0,0,0,1,8,23,6,1,7,0,19,4,1,2,6,39,30,20,5,4,12,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,2,1,24,11,32,23,8,28,0,3,1,1,12,20,2,4,5,124,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954248284671601,0.07954874852927983,0.08276974014958621,0.21555852128531444,0.2417418536375083,0.20293573070758075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955403238887359,0.0,0.08185803629041777,0.08855231148955664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157334379030754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942132231359685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153574276794767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810380356194426,0.20556498458396966,0.0,0.13140233062061066,0.0,0.0,0.09505098480358612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193509866827192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196144730351194,0.051970684793702385,0.0,0.0,0.08343347035792402,0.0,0.10966964575195076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667484483241391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683284902090904,0.3301573485589712,0.2071722339043309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783673138242422,0.0,0.16706500957806433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639918886934619,0.0,0.09993428295791107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671992823398482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059358000086734,0.0,0.0,0.1058465865702918,0.0,0.22090661795111555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183835870806775,0.1880688102080364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072490234969866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067227308805432,0.0,0.0,0.1037723285549056,0.0,0.10210789559789826,0.08228532768084988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088076265071949,0.0,0.0937523920718814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694403386223035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608562922121537,0.06373846323365033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867191961630095,0.2368717859930686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438936636983946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066296626226294,0.0,0.2417418536375083,0.0640575329348963
suicidewatch,HistoryFI,2019/03/02,"My face hurts and I’m sick of telling my friends im suicidal A little over a month ago I started getting intense pain in the face and spasming in the jaw. Been to so many doctors I’m now in more debt than I have money even though I had a good chunk saved up. Nobody can tell me wtf is wrong with me and nothing helps.

I have no money. I can’t work because of intense headaches and jaw pain to where I can barely talk or look at a computer. I was pretty depressed in the past and have been suicidal but now I have a good reason. 

Sick of telling my lifelong friends I’m suicidal. Over the past couple decades I’ve mentioned it off and on and they never do anything anyway. It’s funny, you always see this shit online about how to tell when someone’s depressed, I sit here and tell people I’m suicidal and nobody gives a fuck. Go figure.

I can’t blame them though, I’ve burnt them out. I’m the boy who cried wolf. Fuck it",0.2350302245250404,2.546540834196893,1.791845854922279,96.53902957685663,88.8445595854922,4.25293609671848,20.995034542314336,5.7366,-0.026081001727115805,723,25,158,5,24,233,112,193,0.294,0.601,0.105,-0.9929,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,3,1,12,14,3,0,11,0,14,12,5,2,1,18,27,16,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,9,0,0,4,2,19,5,20,23,1,24,0,3,2,2,17,13,3,1,9,94,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596319740910536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007840125839264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908619292347966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599239277555377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978418505149048,0.11891510569228295,0.0,0.0,0.18648299420692604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108055098465416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150265207151622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727800284228678,0.2001634929755108,0.05655975468885136,0.103849869327321,0.06152488297728567,0.1816014791806462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256230859008288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158912352639732,0.0,0.11693601363171363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850183966930728,0.0,0.0,0.0909085188730372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097554906043738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640961340933427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349438414916324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387540162309652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23038591832422475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066868940234616,0.07505169379600526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013617190483103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130610875445494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626672191106502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112413757364592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917257080258517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766247809596823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736618490175322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701278410276173,0.4731064489939936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272368128351468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881230219086212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183619101644115,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lunacia_,2019/03/02,"I am so alone right now. I cut all the people who were here for me and supported me out of my life because of my boyfriend, and I thought he would stay forever and keep the promise that he’d be here for me. Now he doesn’t care if I die, and none of my friends want to talk to me anymore. My family isn’t that close with each other either and my parents were physically abusive when I was younger, so I don’t really trust them. I have no dream, no one to talk to and this is my final resort before I just jump onto the train tracks and commit suicide tomorrow. I don’t even know what I want, I guess I just wanted to say all this without annoying someone close to me too much. I know I’m young and this sounds stupid, but I have a very strong feelings things will get worse, not better.",2.943363636363636,3.8919311696969743,4.004015151515151,90.84602272727274,73.66666666666667,7.196969696969697,24.65909090909091,7.492282038375204,0.9050909090909084,613,18,139,7,12,199,103,165,0.151,0.731,0.117,-0.7708,1,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,11,10,3,0,4,0,15,1,0,0,3,33,28,13,2,5,7,1,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,9,13,0,1,4,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,4,3,27,7,15,20,6,13,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,6,100,36,0,0.0,0.20446719767043064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873044635021546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114304103904235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519705304083657,0.0,0.14684433557830093,0.0,0.0,0.15262411626084693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594658738250735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910038538928955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398083879319765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268361102956475,0.0,0.08725656286312819,0.0,0.0,0.1890419688960387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332713209395816,0.0,0.0901606876752602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901052795907492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338812000061028,0.0,0.0,0.1896798867557824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189127454578702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685878539000667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693787900222152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161853134656065,0.0,0.0,0.11963828982403099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055274280825668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473738129662394,0.0,0.13723456798526976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462179770511108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393662871769986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876353985218847,0.1958303588926157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774104129129231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464782116473204,0.0,0.0,0.13700128131478334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238829968135105,0.3053587214117849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635129459099116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758635442760612,0.12258875665520108,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WarblingP,2019/03/02,Painkillers What is the best painkiller to make suicide not hurt? I don’t want to go into what method I will use I just need a cheap and easily available strong painkiller,1.7090909090909072,4.48291990909091,0.5718787878787914,102.7178181818182,92.33333333333331,3.852121212121212,21.75151515151515,5.6839178017228535,-0.0936012121212122,139,5,29,1,5,38,28,33,0.142,0.545,0.314,0.7878,0,0,1,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,8,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336665122046442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348519885191556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423785261604435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27583876347935143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064098407015005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520139728201363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569039039223699,0.0,0.0,0.2437377629682439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glitchtreez,2019/03/02,"24f pregnant, feeling hopeless and alone I have a boyfriend who is kind. But he’s made it very clear that he wants me to get an abortion. I can understand logically that it might be the “smartest” option given our situation, I just can’t get there mentally/emotionally. He says he has my back no matter what I choose to do, but he also made it pretty clear I would be ruining his life if I were to keep it. But aborting it would ruin mine. It would absolutely kill me. So it feels like my only option is to go. 

My baby is at 9 weeks right now. I’ve heard it’s heartbeat.  The most evil & selfish thing I could think to do is terminate it. 

My boyfriend told me if we get rid of it we’ll travel and grow closer together, but if I kill it I don’t want to live. I don’t want to travel. I don’t want to live a life I’m denying my own child of experiencing. ",1.8299631675874792,3.2525228618784534,3.9148950276243113,88.48678084714552,77.28729281767956,7.036611418047882,23.668876611418053,7.793537801064563,0.9884030202578264,662,21,151,10,15,227,105,181,0.199,0.6759999999999999,0.125,-0.9715,0,1,0,0,0,2,20.0,3,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,5,0,22,2,0,2,2,35,41,11,2,11,8,0,2,1,0,5,2,2,0,1,16,3,0,1,6,2,0,4,5,7,0,0,6,5,24,2,11,27,2,10,0,3,0,0,14,3,0,7,4,95,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431926631627102,0.0,0.11915540242110602,0.0,0.16144164945345568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457195302174394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896453176268053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676051649357448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067795148827248,0.1064457693582725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353935700502176,0.0,0.08468024475099498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243821980808132,0.32969327996697545,0.15516077473088016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048648892649446,0.07279396917698093,0.0,0.263139804679014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819751751040731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806566100317468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332136280005613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158676524881712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724535273983553,0.0,0.11849093580407613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748246248183815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898910906445668,0.0954733088417228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237607195825322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511445817512418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229407657595823,0.351536702811906,0.0,0.11951896918863138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175363913418389,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thewompinated,2019/03/02,"Subtle Suicide I'm conceptually doing great these days. I have a career I should love. I have ""fulfilling and positive"" surroundings that I've worked VERY hard for. And it just feels as though I've built it all for show. 


In the past my depression was desperate, teary eyed and needy. I reached and acted out hoping for anyone to notice the unbearable pain that trauma left my heart. But no one likes to deal with that. I know it and I don't blame them. 


Eventually I just stopped reaching out. My issues make people uncomfortable, that's okay. I do my best to rely on myself now. I take solace in building a rigid structure and routine which keeps my emotions in check. I give myself rules about what I can and can't say to friends to save them from the strain. I'm chugging along okay. 


Really though, I'm not. I have PTSD which has quietly manifested itself into anorexia. I went from constantly expressing my emotions to complete restriction and silence over the past few years. And I really don't think anyone cares. I know I can't live on 800 calories or less a day, but this practice gives me a private and safe outlet for the feelings I can't handle. It allows me to process things in a way that doesn't leave me open to rejection or vulnerability. It gives me control over my demise. At least I'm not outwardly crazy.


I'm doing just fine. But I'm not. I'm starving. For more than food. 










",2.6142672641012155,5.117245870848713,3.642207432788613,86.18837177121775,79.22140221402212,6.675856615709015,23.70071164997364,7.83500028581142,1.3363567738534532,1105,38,214,19,28,355,157,271,0.122,0.7440000000000001,0.134,0.6264,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,2,3,7,18,0,2,10,2,16,5,2,3,1,44,38,18,1,2,11,0,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,17,16,1,6,5,1,1,2,10,6,0,1,2,6,32,12,32,35,6,27,0,2,1,1,10,16,0,3,9,139,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974028532132394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488277173130067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310434111305849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475972741555725,0.1388936896795499,0.14415568509817475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578054905562134,0.13250727967778805,0.11070144200355612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891546130232433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997578198270232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541721911396045,0.0,0.099300830131289,0.0,0.0,0.3698888577580015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417031676059766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513632505157707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230693713969254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765783959392638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415040158673444,0.0,0.11424207068074033,0.0,0.0,0.14127184705949,0.0,0.0,0.13609316437321164,0.13964663331142205,0.0,0.0,0.06279255175658016,0.0,0.11349305437893605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600202421978464,0.0,0.08579379758857746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633059313315286,0.0,0.0,0.08709426413319687,0.0,0.1367634270581546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453900668952644,0.08910550544687207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024298366052713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467734603958006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221105269137973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745561343744296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058936025589636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663746548995257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538864997394899,0.08235589781126536,0.2525572732949539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604950498280197,0.0,0.10201997146843694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191472429998263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357030690388207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276816491620256
suicidewatch,PM_UR_BeautifulSmile,2019/03/02,"I need help but I have no idea how to ask for it I've reached out to several friends and my girlfriend about how I've been feeling but I don't really think they understand the extent to how I feel. I really want to die, I don't want to hurt anyone or make them feel guilty for not helping me if I choose to kill myself. 

​

I've been weighing my options and I'm not sure what ""help"" is. I feel like this is something I need as soon as possible, I really don't think I can wait much longer. I've been feeling so miserable, I have no energy for anything, I feel like there's no point to my life. This is going to sound stupid, but I've actually been looking for ""signs"" or reasons not to kill myself, and instead I feel like I'm presented with worse situations and more reasons why I should kill myself. I tried and tried to get myself motivated, to snap myself out of it, nothing works.

​

What do I do?",4.387857142857143,4.7200709206349245,5.474193121693124,83.86779761904762,69.95238095238095,8.839682539682537,28.97751322751323,8.841846274778883,2.0381354497354502,720,25,154,12,12,239,94,189,0.25,0.596,0.154,-0.9845,0,0,1,0,0,5,28.0,0,0,2,2,8,11,4,1,1,0,16,2,0,7,1,45,38,17,4,6,9,0,7,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,6,8,1,1,15,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,9,28,5,22,33,3,6,0,2,1,0,8,3,0,4,5,99,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.10505805259942193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332934069425199,0.2616309496809324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075276528553994,0.0,0.08859283343542322,0.0,0.10064509796695396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173134171167456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810435680782508,0.2307313162893127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317580848889933,0.0,0.05624652667110614,0.0,0.06118415807062725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648137520477728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524942940580647,0.12153205418464537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573207508251677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076041576450797,0.1577878428366412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040506734077007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186212308928541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914054606152987,0.15965313511788465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033001394720868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177100216554533,0.12136749642952792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690418265192986,0.22137939066940585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162217219347587,0.0,0.0,0.12101138215506023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287989460207458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146578676196452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796497723583034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618455985953965,0.0,0.0,0.1120751074342518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699819925956254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714402144444413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837583952717159,0.0,0.10971204622159272,0.0,0.0,0.2616309496809324,0.0
suicidewatch,lolman1312,2019/03/02,"My view on what deserves to live, and die. Why I should die if I don't change by next month. (14 yr old) Hello. Allow me to give you a quick rundown on my life.

I was mostly a complete average person. In primary school, I excelled at essentially everything. Come high-school, I began to realise things weren't going to be so easy. I was falsely rumored to watch hentai and was bullied for it. It was a pretty bad environment. Asking for external help from parents, teachers, etc wouldn't work. Parents would freak out and make my reputation worse and ruin the rest of my high-school life. Teachers believe stuff around the lines with ""It's your problem. Do it yourself"".

Maybe it was my fault I got bullied. I should have tried to completely dispel the rumors. In the end, I didn't want to risk losing anything else so I stayed that way until it ended. (Ended mostly around mid year 8).

After my semester one year 8 report, I was horrified at my report. All average. Some even below average like maths. I had lived most of my life with my parents and myself completely invested in the suggestion that I was and would be someone with straight A's.

I stayed up to around 4AM the same night, and was stuck watching motivational videos. Stuff like ""You can do anything you put your mind into"" started hitting me hard. Before I had always thought it was complete nonsense. I had to photoshop my report two times to convince my parents I was still on top of my grades.

Following the rest of my year, I self-disciplined myself and worked intensely every day. My teachers would give me papers describing everything they would mark me on, how to get the best marks, and how to get the worst ones. A marking rubric. I would top every requirement on that paper in my work, and was obviously at least 4x smarter than everyone else in my class. Like I said before, in primary school I was pretty smart. However, I don't believe I'm naturally intelligent. My generation is just too weak and actually listening in class (which sounds ironic) was not popular.

​

Yup. Marking the end of the year, I basically got all C's. I was terrified. Photoshopped my report again (this was the second time). My mother became so proud that she considered asking the school to move me up. In year 9 (this year), I decided that I would definitely get A's. NAPLAN (Australian test handed by the government), was coming up in 5 months, and I would make sure to get 100% on it. This way, I have two options. I can have more proof that I was on top of my grades, but all of a sudden I dropped off. Or, I could try to keep going on and lead to a better life overall.

​

My discipline crumbled. I guess I got too comfortable. I lost control of my body. Got addicted to masturbation as well. After doing NoFap, I greatly reduced my rates of masturbation. Then it arose again, but still much lower than during the beginning stages. Every time I masturbate, I feel an incredible sense of guilt. 

After a while, I realised what was pushing me every day wasn't even discipline anymore. I was completely devoid of it. It was just sheer motivation. I'm at a pretty good stage in my life, compared to other people. People would kill to have what I have. But I have to watch motivational videos and music to pump myself up for work which lasts like 10 minutes. 

​

In this year, I'm certain people will actually try getting serious for school. I'm also pretty sure they're naturally smarter than I am. Saying I was more time-efficient and was making more use of my potential was no longer something possible. I was basically just an average person, smarter than the average person, but getting the average grades.

​

I burned myself out. I still find joy in living, but I don't feel I deserve to live. Now, I can earn the right to live. But at this rate, it's going to be impossible considering all the expectations and trust placed onto me.

​

Now, why don't I deserve to live?

I believe that if you take up more resources than you were worth (positive effect on the world), than you should just die without annoyance. Now, why would I do this? Because inherently, I'm also striving for an ideal world. I believe that the best world, would be one where the total amount of 'fun' is optimized. Humans do dumb shit for short-term pleasure, fun, joy. I'd confidently say that most humans would be successful if they didn't behave like this.

But I also don't completely agree with this world.

Why?

Why should I help create a better world for people who don't deserve it. Yep. I don't deserve it. Most people around me don't deserve it either. 

My dream, rather my life requirement, expectancy, if you will: to be intelligent (knowledgeable rather?), physically above, and wealthy. I would pay out my parents three times more than they took to raise me. I would become someone they wouldn't regret having in every sense of the word. 

​

So what now? Will I kill the useless people before myself? Probably not. While we're still on topic of these people. Let me bring up the biggest reason this world is in such a shitty position. Not meaning to rant or anything, people are fake. Sounds edgy right? They all wear masks. Using people, lazy fucks, useless, retards, completely insensitive to standing on top of people. Thots, delinquents, all the such. How do they even have fun doing such dumb shit.

​

Sorry, that was a waste of time reading. Anyway, I want to kill myself. This also useless piece of shit thinks he can obtain his dreams through such half-assed methods. Maybe I can provide more than what resources I drained. But I won't.

I have two options in my life. Kill myself ASAP, or become the living embodiment of what every man wants to become. The latter is highly likely, suggesting this rate, to not ever happen. So killing myself is my closest option. 

My mum views me as someone she expects to become rich and suit her desires. She's a horrible gold-digger with no heart. Smashed my Dad's car, called the police on him, falsely accusing him of rape, cheating on everyone she knows, prioritizing shit like plastic surgery over essential needs for children. She still thinks she'll go to heaven.

If only it's so easy.

​

If I die, people around me might be sad. Is that a reason for me to stay alive? Fuck no. If they can't understand that much, then they don't deserve to cry. My friends are genuinely good. For so long, I tried to convince them they could be so much more. Thought it was all nonsense. I don't know why I tried. They are also useless fucks. They don't realise how beneficial it is to have someone actively trying to put their life back in place, when it's so shit. 

​

So I'm trying to discipline myself again. No more motivation. Just a human body run completely by discipline and rational choices. Nothing stupid anymore, I don't have time for that. I'll give myself one month. If I don't make it out someone actually respectful, I'll kill myself peacefully.

​

Killing yourself is running away. I am running away. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Yes, other people might not be able to understand the mind when you're ready to suicide, but nevertheless, you are running away. 

​

TLDR: If I don't start going for my dreams 100%, and still half-ass everything I do, I'll commit suicide. People in this world are all fake fucks who waste life (don't really know what that means anymore). To commit suicide is to run away from life, that is a fact. If you know you will not be worth the resources you drain, I advise you to kill yourself. Let us all head for a better life.",3.4530853934797605,6.038768283916085,4.288094159361766,82.25561902885848,76.65034965034965,6.9652319511474445,26.36412882891756,8.041519120934035,1.900662759775435,6026,233,1068,105,142,1933,513,1430,0.17,0.682,0.14800000000000002,-0.9952,8,0,2,0,0,9,281.0,1,14,13,30,62,82,23,2,52,3,133,29,11,20,19,185,205,70,15,44,37,8,4,7,1,27,13,7,0,8,65,37,0,8,24,6,5,21,34,43,1,9,45,16,171,39,163,118,38,168,1,9,5,5,78,80,11,25,65,741,236,35,0.024678037254683687,0.0,0.07224661353270041,0.026902703222714958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867508738320628,0.020534103912243248,0.29412507360582185,0.3298516805124511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342194531066827,0.01725545744142103,0.0,0.060923765866674175,0.10984342602197827,0.04614126708594828,0.0,0.09274331340834348,0.01897588736452064,0.020605130305356115,0.015043502457194609,0.10901981317152014,0.0629975762412207,0.1112147888546166,0.051796155169766864,0.06547715553702589,0.0,0.05482347224937895,0.0,0.0,0.025199035207006254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02610609122448897,0.042515887904314466,0.2069956203378319,0.0,0.027678517197227782,0.03940680935539493,0.0,0.027107665132913558,0.03183058493237307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244762604299862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123066701942372,0.0,0.08742966471250299,0.0,0.02752253488351382,0.048898832587818346,0.02232269754115763,0.1247538644525416,0.04716184430180668,0.06653708590644489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024955914256044175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022555278970440358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0190661903664504,0.0912577911414422,0.07735953550287855,0.07102026606543743,0.07012548638714222,0.04139753361536302,0.07894912309670819,0.02720762319441353,0.027185640262555023,0.0,0.021822706843847173,0.0,0.0221066741196878,0.0,0.02532678583722581,0.0,0.0,0.0292435929669169,0.03308233636222975,0.0782211038335132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02193497339928232,0.21842073493520228,0.0,0.054249615554978016,0.020115894096323486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046993016218477,0.19173910282174406,0.08439509726779605,0.0,0.15253811312941026,0.021839286397850887,0.0,0.027608411290530842,0.026938992842977058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589112598240461,0.0,0.04958481075196474,0.05376323436975063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235899537865955,0.04983556541919781,0.0,0.05909332168343924,0.02622884811986301,0.05442359062065544,0.01829845193007331,0.0,0.0,0.026245372586584718,0.023158666227430118,0.0,0.02367924231621432,0.0,0.02589544880609824,0.0,0.06688990686559086,0.018768759367135318,0.0,0.0,0.13701019961257854,0.0,0.0,0.2224123691104566,0.06464373076355781,0.0515665929573203,0.0,0.0,0.027820779061422617,0.0,0.10042574321021384,0.02660709806498952,0.02361354881100205,0.0,0.04961648712116671,0.0,0.0,0.024684715482040397,0.0,0.01580938258260915,0.0507462648382312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214981795399028,0.023474464642872457,0.058874897186436286,0.0,0.14985294719561865,0.0,0.0,0.02574457493657519,0.0,0.12665825304504172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454810441317842,0.018998358738471333,0.0,0.027625042285950262,0.03493448357205158,0.07891051258846571,0.11824747457706401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565008969758568,0.08098130204729641,0.0,0.04651751611992965,0.0,0.018554812795891776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016394991395188033,0.031625379634661444,0.0,0.039183210033416016,0.10072973385107252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027418207412702657,0.11728337170914345,0.0,0.07232056961629639,0.051381414199707084,0.029684640290800125,0.04262780147417771,0.0,0.0,0.04366723727613138,0.03917655460936896,0.0,0.0,0.022188519205090386,0.0,0.13360854119520835,0.0,0.0,0.023788747275702,0.0,0.07186362014165956,0.0,0.025149028266227943,0.22789740503722844,0.0,0.3298516805124511,0.11124292823547982
suicidewatch,yazthepimp,2019/03/02,"im sick of this i have 2 cats and im allergic to one of them, spending a lot of time around her makes me unable to breathe, i cant breathe its been 24+ hours. i talked to my mom but shes a selfish narcissist who thinks the world revolves around her, when i told her i couldn’t breathe she told me “just take a shower and drink tea” like that’s supposed to help, my siblings leave me on read and are rude to me, if my grammer is off im sorry its just i cant think straight, so i suicide was never an option for me, but im actually considering it now. the only thing i have is panadol and does anyone know how much im supposed to take? idc if its not gonna kill me but how much? ",1.2374944812362043,2.291079543046358,3.0711423841059613,95.45629415011038,78.0728476821192,6.092935982339957,23.841611479028696,6.42735559955562,0.34317174392936023,525,17,132,4,12,176,94,151,0.16399999999999998,0.758,0.078,-0.9045,1,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,9,4,2,0,6,0,11,7,3,3,1,24,20,13,2,3,8,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,8,6,2,0,3,2,1,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,23,1,14,14,3,11,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,4,6,83,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1275021252225555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135822654743772,0.0,0.0,0.2326243887379943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433858867174385,0.0,0.0,0.1279938580820378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757645487983727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867056449693026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7056584692955472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455231810435815,0.0,0.07180552420601218,0.0,0.0,0.13834661628736716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383228065554629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107968317828484,0.0,0.0,0.0872143847157051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302358809716804,0.0,0.0,0.19209546654349705,0.0,0.10077052822928444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853638458889224,0.09937033405797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306920918743011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625951703164772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291726088512818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964752075344319,0.10501693384636884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680252860346836,0.1674391193117038,0.0,0.0,0.07618699248769828,0.0,0.0,0.2496962176022505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BetaCthulhu,2019/03/02,I hate everyone But I hate myself most of all. I can't escape myself. Im to afraid to die but I'm gonna die alone. Just fuck life. It was wasted on me,-3.812738095238096,-2.7710288611111085,0.18238095238095292,102.91500000000002,115.38888888888887,3.1682539682539685,7.920634920634921,5.288315135182226,-1.9331698412698413,115,1,31,1,7,42,27,36,0.547,0.453,0.0,-0.9759,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,7,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904692909380332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821410175277921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26798907003289546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927835248286124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537872500122096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302942125056276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809535986651008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aurtisticlittlekid,2019/03/02,"How do I make my mom not be angry at me? I have had suicidal thoughts before and came here for advice and it worked for a long time. I was having fun with my mom and we are laughing but, after that she became more angry and angry and I don’t know why? I ask her and she told me that I am useless and I am dumb. She told me that I should do all the chores but, when I did it she got angry because, I ask her what button do I push on the washing machine she got angry at me and called me dumb and useless again. She even told me all I do is go to school and go home and do my homework. I don’t know what is the problem with my activity because, it’s pretty normal. I always cook her food as well because, I know she is tired from work. I don’t know what to do to make her happy anymore she is always angry at me and it’s stressing me out. In no time I might feel like suicidal anymore please help",0.2272562115949768,1.910155487309648,2.4699278653486516,95.82171253005613,82.95939086294416,4.756505476890196,18.99786267699706,5.399115186594226,-0.4497248730964465,689,17,164,3,19,234,95,197,0.166,0.642,0.192,0.4812,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,2,7,11,2,1,4,0,24,4,0,3,2,35,42,17,2,3,3,2,1,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,10,17,2,0,6,1,0,4,5,6,1,0,10,1,42,5,16,29,3,16,0,2,0,0,22,6,2,1,7,121,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189964628346592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026519901541545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24153482099479245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22768511455780144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226974981378448,0.0,0.10362098304631892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434520289973905,0.13927738886549432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043079440335198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615727585644532,0.08699560343325352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724999939659758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841431247856148,0.0,0.1947881069567137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129631035316161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162276439486728,0.0,0.12214957870219957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26769594145179954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059492785040037466,0.0,0.0,0.107766447247601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257061753095112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918331695047872,0.0,0.28524123967452314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931298517521813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367164273719073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388826906713438,0.0,0.11652158481331705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324211999316473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394920799740957,0.0,0.0,0.26640269760159696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667521319454216,0.14201517853878384,0.1399616749868532,0.0,0.3490817634877277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948974434682354,0.0,0.10988238919716753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730632054396922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lookahwall,2019/03/02,"I think about suicide everyday Not necessarily thinking of comitting it just yet, but everything related to it. I didn’t use to have a plan but now I have a couple of methods planned out. Or I think about how people would react to it. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about it.

For now, it’s just a contingency plan. ",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,78.0909090909091,7.4303030303030315,26.15151515151515,8.344100000000001,1.7198060606060612,252,10,54,5,6,86,41,66,0.049,0.951,0.0,-0.4118,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,3,0,16,10,4,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,11,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32015089111967626,0.0,0.18660134529064587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26004150344164484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059298010420606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164926634245812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7415934577002768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498981755680577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553991586560424,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cunabula,2019/03/02,"No point No point. No point. 

No point. 


Nooooo point. 


No point in any of this. 


This is fake. Everything is fake. Nothing is real. Existence is a joke. We as humans are jokes. It’s OKAY to find all of this useless. It’s also OK to leave and not participate. 



Much love to whom ever is staying ",-1.5182268578878713,-0.29550855932203035,0.7800000000000011,97.55388526727512,117.64406779661016,3.8492829204693617,14.707953063885267,5.873414542411696,-0.5290505867014343,221,6,49,3,13,73,38,59,0.326,0.547,0.127,-0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,5,12.0,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,0,2,7,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,7,7,2,9,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404389735884065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548223328770936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030868763330134,0.0,0.0,0.1394056607669495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417705716663744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642423860413876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399956370419918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140259827797409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883521166800126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8797921508944248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655267681163087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653299359145546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clementito,2019/03/02,"i don't think i have friends anymore nobody reaches out to me not even my close friends id say im.pretty obvious about needing help like on my blog and twitter but its all lip service all they say is ""im here for you :)"" and give me single word replies when i actually need support and i cant drive and dont have any money so i can't see a therapist and it seems like things arr just getting worse for me i dont think im explicitly suicidal yet but im almost there im almost ready to just give up on everything and i cant believe nobody cares",0.4607692307692304,2.6219395213675227,2.6447863247863275,92.13076923076927,85.41025641025641,5.651282051282053,24.384615384615394,7.010146845296331,0.9344153846153844,432,18,96,6,13,146,73,117,0.14400000000000002,0.736,0.12,-0.7062,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,0,1,0,9,1,1,0,4,25,20,10,1,2,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,1,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,14,6,9,20,3,8,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,3,4,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.1196192780180206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454900289904616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335782324041323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156528395293567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810439095904212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497730977460612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873230048772365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809621761362059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016596887201473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894082350439843,0.0,0.06404239127744955,0.23517761002182194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216202110998763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6620309777354398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197716714593139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178133216434603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470676108360045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949592472355559,0.0,0.0,0.0976794752601774,0.1115911837535825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340813694952267,0.13910102941290675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232349574288,0.08143594299751042,0.15708715857934608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491832310033545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inevitableending33,2019/03/02,Idiot should not be granted to live. Please kill me right away.,1.1950000000000005,3.7673618333333367,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,97.33333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,50,1,10,0,2,14,12,12,0.486,0.399,0.115,-0.8146,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279140395215292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038923862352279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40217423936108665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999517379621618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889552400694461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlourishedSoul,2019/03/02,"Let me give you the list of bullshit I’ve been through in the last 7 years up until now. • Watching my dad and brother struggle with drug addiction.
• Being kicked out of the house 3 times and having to live in my car for two weeks one of those times.
• Watching my dad nearly die from an aneurism. 
• Jumping from minimum wage job to minimum wage job because i have no drive.
• Dealing with my brother getting killed. 
• Car breaking down and having to rely on daddy
• Currently $8k in debt for no reason.
• Cant deal with my behavior anymore
• Starting to hate myself more and more each day.

I don’t want to die. Trust me. But i’m at the point where I have to question when this silly game will end. Am i just supposed to deal with the suffering and misery for the next 60 years?",1.3521568627450975,3.853439542483663,2.4557189542483684,92.59573529411767,84.94771241830065,4.968627450980391,23.532679738562088,6.42735559955562,0.6686836601307182,602,23,121,6,18,191,103,153,0.211,0.755,0.034,-0.985,6,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,2,1,7,0,11,2,0,1,0,16,17,8,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,2,1,3,4,4,4,0,2,1,2,13,2,30,13,3,30,0,1,2,0,11,11,0,1,14,80,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692859867141337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540031913706614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466164556104716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014740774107644,0.4802829032288931,0.0,0.0,0.3223272270752016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008387015327054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753838170475405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113116112618321,0.14896564752938574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331397660663473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918059802462732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081972013756957,0.0,0.1718022968093041,0.0,0.0,0.1265798069637063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879169940968932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712145673801612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514971593072852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522663643887263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679661240144665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395722108963627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159661121116322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991309075680736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233991465188852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109844889419496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169304593507454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159242336074426,0.0,0.12456203790956323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999975164909206
suicidewatch,psychadelicphysicist,2019/03/02,I don’t know I don’t know why I am posting this. I just know I am so tired and I don’t think I can do this any more. I feel like I am ruined beyond any sort of reparation. There is too much pain. If I could start over I would but I can’t because I’m here and this is my life and I don’t want it and I just cannot go on ,-3.18225,-1.7126647249999962,0.21499999999999986,107.77,96.25,3.7,11.75,4.935628992294339,-1.874775,242,3,75,1,10,86,45,80,0.103,0.845,0.052000000000000005,-0.4992,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,0,0,17,24,7,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,1,15,1,4,22,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648914817831101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635465029394047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420696012823756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565499509988418,0.19166573713107246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247483886383062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423339047075052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950047662506087,0.13107246859236793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972233072881054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854784444364625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569467294623673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989635679790312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719087778294048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083587738665053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824382142960766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24208912050776335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905848298132931,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ehhhh3526,2019/03/02,"I think I might end my life soon I dont know what to do anymore, I feel stuck and alone. I just need help but I dont know how to get that.",-3.6229411764705897,-2.166447999999999,-0.7909411764705894,112.84476470588235,102.52941176470587,2.72,9.741176470588236,3.1291,-2.5303929411764705,104,1,33,0,5,35,24,34,0.108,0.826,0.066,-0.0387,0,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,11,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860911486787001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27394610263147545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6474794022029886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465794049405346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396702733587587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443188624513029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515125976360275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036177539492959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951095376351528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930365572784495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048211703962284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769971387675321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sspreader,2019/03/02,"I want to die without killing myself Things have been better the past few weeks. I've been out. I met old and new friends. And yet I still really, really, really want to die.
I have a younger brother though. He's 12. Living with my parents. My parents are not great. They told me to live alone since I was 13, meeting me once a week (until I was 16, and then once every three months or so after). They admitted that they couldn't take care of me properly. They're not great parents.
I really want to kill myself. I just really want to die. Not because I'd be relieved, or anything like that. I just. Want to die. I don't want to be here anymore.
But killing myself is really difficult because I keep thinking about my brother. But I also want to die. Really, really, really badly.

I'm out with my friends now and the only thing I'm thinking of is ways that I could die. Maybe I shouldn't pay attention to where I was walking. Slip and get hit by a car. Or a bus. Or a train.
I don't believe in religion. But I've spent so much time praying that I'd just die.
Please let me die. Please make me die.",-0.11384728340675565,2.176533863436127,2.0720132158590303,93.68434875183551,91.4229074889868,5.493627019089574,19.460939794419968,7.03164865440522,0.4612479882525702,845,27,185,14,30,283,115,227,0.225,0.617,0.158,-0.9824,3,1,0,0,0,8,38.0,0,0,3,1,13,13,3,0,7,0,18,0,0,1,0,39,39,18,12,10,14,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,4,0,2,2,8,5,0,1,8,0,31,8,21,24,2,20,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,4,14,114,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155213683850076,0.0,0.055247953561470914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851462938434019,0.0,0.0,0.0568517930353309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576838243789646,0.08422822286736699,0.0,0.0,0.07783612932267818,0.0,0.061100846971270426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043765935654883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515945389583534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6453021290106851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058207833850379774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675115957780144,0.0,0.03609452107198731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233485397640342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061406704765781576,0.2292998720709043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064499337665701,0.0,0.03375187147983328,0.0,0.1220081961345093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611536159896624,0.0,0.06940605259208275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055143690583231465,0.0,0.050786071185687585,0.0,0.0,0.0667235737501828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249400993873614,0.1471484157220202,0.0,0.05254292514051486,0.0,0.0,0.2301350831212501,0.0,0.0659502900310842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167110106301426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39832365601601294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057148554145119074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517207329498901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051943984184587684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179517822207893,0.08853488513439252,0.06787652668260243,0.0,0.040284532410113504,0.0,0.0,0.06601451929149718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852404953160821,0.05483715614436874,0.11083305205268236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659632332878132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shhhhhimtalking,2019/03/02,"Thanks doggo, I'm here because of you I've been struggling with depression lately and sometimes think the only reason I'm still here is because I know my dog still needs me, so thank you. The only reason I keep trying is because of you. ",9.260212765957444,6.584670021276598,8.88989361702128,73.18250000000003,61.553191489361716,10.251063829787237,36.26595744680851,7.1686216300943375,2.756114893617021,189,6,34,1,2,61,31,47,0.128,0.75,0.121,-0.0922,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,8,11,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,3,10,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861661647885967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187304031669987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768999166347008,0.0,0.0,0.11604880600850673,0.0,0.2381993037804828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565735334022441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211955834208179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342182619082404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088440652235248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33726760021694663,0.0,0.0,0.2207517869272587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888181701624261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353037255148413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433647579119538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMalevolent,2019/03/02,"Feeling like a failure for making not killing myself my main priority There are many things I would like to do. Many things I should've done already. However, my plans are often ruined because I choose to take it easy on myself and make sure i dont do anything stupid like jump in front of a train.

I know that I cant achieve anything if i am dead but over time i ruin so many oppurtinities in my life because i am too busy contemplating suicide. 

It makes no sense to spend days doing nothing just to not feel this way because in the end I still have nothing either way.",6.827368421052633,6.05821945614035,6.725263157894738,80.68684210526318,64.96491228070175,9.003508771929825,33.912280701754376,7.793537801064563,2.30460701754386,454,17,91,4,6,144,79,114,0.175,0.706,0.118,-0.9162,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,2,0,3,0,12,1,0,3,1,17,19,4,3,2,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,1,2,15,4,11,17,2,13,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,2,7,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170358486495165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254077679892841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28231974276965544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956017640490204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798092473328265,0.18092829935782392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673190204157032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611495867613842,0.1102867189292115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707949048598889,0.0,0.08484137671404487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904080257290566,0.2262619191001073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091428640219815,0.4695411178735538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962571435172127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328540252861518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886301303095785,0.0,0.14549817795235825,0.0,0.11607203820122795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205121990554646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001827368899996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450740189746342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966475214824777,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ughuseless22,2019/03/02,"I'm a failure... I used to be successful, an introvert but had money, friends, and no problems.  Today I'm in debt, I'm useless have no money and no friends. I'm sitting here thinking it would be better without me and my problems I bring. Fuck it all.",1.4941176470588218,3.5496831176470636,3.6585882352941184,86.99964705882354,80.56862745098039,5.648627450980393,31.768627450980397,6.742157984588678,1.9502439215686271,193,11,38,2,5,66,34,51,0.369,0.434,0.197,-0.9127,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,8,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,11,13,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,9,1,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645577045865976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622168617914581,0.27654246223750645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5724573298285378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167153278584054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835419014311589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583537697328143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883523110907695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249459694427594,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KG59SM,2019/03/02,"Hello reddit, this is my first post and i want to die! Hello everyone, i’ve only recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which actually explains a lot, but doesn’t explain why i want to die.

A lot has gone on the past few weeks, namely a break up with my girlfriend. i wont lie i do have a problem with drinking and my refusal to deal with my mental health was a massive factor. i have been trying to deal with it all on my own terms but the NHS are absolute nancies, i ring my doctors everyday and i keep being told to wait for my letter with my appointment despite all the times i’ve tried to kill myself, even recent events. the NHS is good, but for mental health it fucking sucks. 

i dont know where to go know as i seek for answers, should i end it all, should i persevere?

i feel so lost, confused and unwanted. suicide seems like the best option.

PS i have a long history of self harm",3.7990522736931567,4.878868718232045,5.030055248618787,83.79810454738633,71.76243093922652,8.000169995750106,28.287717807054825,8.384062270229773,1.9446511687207813,702,26,141,11,13,233,111,181,0.221,0.7020000000000001,0.077,-0.986,0,0,1,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,0,4,3,10,3,1,11,0,17,7,0,0,3,37,33,9,4,6,3,0,1,1,1,3,5,1,0,1,5,10,1,3,7,1,0,2,3,7,0,1,6,2,22,3,21,23,9,19,0,1,0,1,12,4,2,5,12,95,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.1321590105335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212421071288706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792423716712097,0.0,0.13745742032525507,0.2811075058186741,0.0,0.15521318192804573,0.1386171548184257,0.0,0.0,0.15872159010342404,0.13266870343503048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994975350419207,0.0,0.0,0.08944947057102272,0.0,0.0,0.1294080588643914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847688992809711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519570084626544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520177892421494,0.0,0.0,0.07696732987970738,0.11359128435806945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879090447800577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037537424016505,0.1498319443511219,0.0,0.14885629574160364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661636897173955,0.0,0.0,0.11985026037758767,0.0,0.0,0.14783657523070395,0.2302735110272471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729608320152649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299973433824347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292821504430086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970339129660324,0.0,0.0,0.12958710838262416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674392795285613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328932822110575,0.14128181449016966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813716833164842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896964482060413,0.0,0.0,0.1294080588643914,0.0,0.18389458312135384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159758875577829,0.0,0.10863284530499526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220346214006905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway676767pppp,2019/03/02,Feel like im deciding between two extremes. Basically im 18 and have felt depressed and suicidal for years but now that life is becoming real I feel as if I either want to do die or go get my face tattooed move out to LA and try to become a music artist. Ik that its not viable at all and sound silly but i guess its all i know that id like to try instead of suicide. Ik it limits jobs etc but im afraid ill die without ever being my real self and it doesnt matter if im not here to get a job. Im just stuck between a rock and a hard place and dont know what to do. Life just sucks and i wanna run away rn or die. Im in community college rn and am on my way to get a degree but the thought of going to a 9-5 everyday just makes me want to blow my head off more. What do i do?,-0.7226939788950979,0.8672398994413406,2.527439478584732,94.65423805090008,85.75977653631286,5.318559900682806,18.882991930477964,6.42735559955562,-0.1445793916821856,598,16,150,6,18,216,104,179,0.208,0.7440000000000001,0.048,-0.9875,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,7,0,10,5,2,1,3,44,27,18,5,5,15,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,10,0,1,7,2,0,4,5,3,0,1,3,5,11,3,23,23,5,16,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,5,6,92,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417758081319287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141159050451512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633546606161685,0.0,0.3120959094367317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174790379367654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179267412039033,0.0,0.09067166459298424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136742133710626,0.07161056442244146,0.09624489452831067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711178819793986,0.0,0.11393595365240257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042425545062896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979420777220226,0.0,0.1028738496508873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6496501375398843,0.0,0.19894293287395184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017716243366298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160315028201567,0.09794315454225784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691012660673303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065379000454446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472813180863036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818722582162146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457085033895236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928978920811984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957835004653536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611102744624742,0.0,0.09791866804825138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118246792969458,0.07956483334731461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662655286588008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455045177167218
suicidewatch,ohhoneyno_,2019/03/02,"I let myself ride out 6 months of varying degrees of mania until it quite literally ruined my life. I’m now unemployed, have $60 to my name, less than 1/4 tank of gas in my car, lost all of my friends, had unsafe sex (a lot), and then got raped and strangled until I almost died. Now, I want to die. I’ve fallen into a deep depression. A soul crushing depression. I knew those fucking serotonin receptors would give out sometime, but I didn’t think it would go from call the cops on myself bad to complete despair. The sadness was so hollow and thorough and complete. I’m on day 2 of no sleep fueled by chainsmoking cigarettes and weed with a Xanax tossed in for the agoraphobia I’m now dealing with along with the depression, so that’s nice. I wound myself up all day to try to go get food. I took the Xanax. I waited. I was ready. I even drove there. For my card to get declined. So now I’m down to my bills which is $60 total. I accepted my death when he was choking it out of me and something fundamental broke inside of me.  Now I’m only afraid of if my suicide attempts *don’t* work. About the pain, further possible disabilities, regrets, what I’ll put my family through and have to be around for, if I’ll become too anxious and call 911. I have so many scenarios in my head. Im not even seeing my service dog in training as enough to stick around for. I know my sister will take him in for me. I’ll ask her to in my note. He will be a great companion to someone who can actually exercise him appropriately.",2.623455274367327,4.350969462540719,4.1974104234527685,86.00002944124279,75.87296416938109,7.068353796041095,26.139939864695567,7.882392219407189,1.493708694562767,1183,44,244,18,26,395,182,307,0.207,0.737,0.056,-0.9936,2,0,2,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,0,4,17,18,2,1,11,0,18,12,2,0,3,37,41,20,4,6,4,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,0,8,18,1,1,4,1,1,8,4,14,0,0,10,1,35,4,52,24,6,38,1,9,1,3,15,18,1,4,12,158,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.11948341533975802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260560162893525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832192921113226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799445624316646,0.11446452456289265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223197553572627,0.0,0.13522495014461489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500491006491643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675124205449645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792686247892093,0.12622988073292524,0.3163712179825424,0.0,0.2541460074289993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651286647187698,0.0,0.16174043980829925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542518495264135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805448485776074,0.0,0.09459655329603944,0.11319346363210367,0.12793930482011487,0.11745524852865173,0.13917052505894995,0.0,0.09792615602741056,0.1349901227304309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565838272989746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225580958385827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728961778025523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520281573490186,0.0864827306175532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365731817597154,0.10409379371389374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241345656939536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773014336945332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312085485613963,0.13028439741692807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380322843021714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308564474890195,0.0,0.13022961635875366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756853164523492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252805298923995,0.0,0.1037426999420268,0.09426000791975024,0.12109592341290913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339290808819984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920593628726778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845437008176412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136034932461469,0.08312847063973276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221806522242333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913750783610845,0.0,0.0,0.17395519832012407,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foundfloating,2019/03/02,I'm ready to go.  I caught a felony at 19 and have spent the last 4 years dealing with the case and have another 2&1/2 years of probation. I had a lot of dreams before getting into this and can't achieve any of them now. I had been depressed since my early teens and have spent the last 4 odd years with non stop stress and anxiety. My brain and soul feel sucked dry. Last month I decided I don't want to suffer any more. I don't want to work whatever shit jobs I MIGHT be able to get the rest of my life. I'm leaving soon and had nobody to say goodbye to. Saw this community and thought why not say goodbye here. I look forward to having rest. ,2.42991919191919,3.914042133333332,3.3563636363636355,92.85818181818182,75.81481481481481,6.686868686868688,24.124579124579125,7.348242739294969,0.7886296296296296,508,16,115,6,11,162,83,135,0.18,0.7609999999999999,0.058,-0.9299,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,2,1,6,0,13,3,2,0,0,20,28,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,11,0,1,3,1,2,3,4,5,0,0,9,5,12,0,15,17,4,16,1,2,2,0,4,3,2,2,12,64,14,3,0.16596219378449156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798199676272244,0.0,0.22571996571915265,0.1740258306932867,0.12696062398663566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122160321744434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526869525635828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710997344163363,0.14294299431979776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839154717834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734167928309114,0.0,0.09432013932798317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646918689445055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40584401583988206,0.0,0.1757300001687275,0.0,0.0,0.1172240055551544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936644413238578,0.0,0.0,0.14109512229136192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760596608173362,0.0,0.0,0.1324694397070942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639595954642597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035780697897165,0.1372856417045206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875182529894575,0.19010913225241366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175544370794764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957776036525284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497550661225699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120822453675298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206226345388555
suicidewatch,throwaway15373819727,2019/03/02,"What happens if I voluntarily admit myself to a hospital for being suicidal? Disclaimer - I live in Australia

What happens if I voluntarily admit myself to a hospital for being suicidal. Obviously, I wouldn’t have any actual wounds on me. Do I just walk in to the emergency room and say I want to kill myself? And what happens from then onwards? I feel like this is my last remaining option, but I want to know what to expect",4.1840357142857165,6.452679475000004,6.5671428571428585,68.33500000000001,73.0,9.571428571428571,30.17857142857143,9.957137785484203,3.638357142857143,338,15,55,10,7,120,50,80,0.13699999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.092,-0.7608,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,16,15,6,3,6,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,13,1,12,12,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,3,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.22249102024298514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504496804603649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528153125289167,0.16288025110254944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6048478212972768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522435816453175,0.0,0.12530053371103966,0.18584701407070506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138723548881413,0.0,0.2013244759260256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813114179501591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987808184241923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689556699667729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Da-mall,2019/03/02,"I don’t want to go into detail about this ( although I probably should) but I really don’t see a point in living. One of the main reasons I want to end my life is Bc I can’t seem to find anything in life that I really interests me. I don’t have any true friends, my family is disappointed in me, and I have no care for myself or anything else. I can’t make myself care, it’s like I just learned to not care about things. I know life could be a lot worse but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel terrible. I just want to end it all but then my parents would be even more disappointed in me and I don’t want them to blame theirselves or anything. ",1.8396837944664028,3.0593823623188428,3.6679446640316193,91.11005928853756,76.82608695652173,7.337022397891962,22.69038208168643,8.00094639256281,0.8640492753623192,498,14,118,8,11,168,76,138,0.149,0.636,0.215,0.7869,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,0,3,0,17,3,0,2,2,29,31,9,0,7,8,1,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,0,2,23,7,15,26,4,10,0,2,1,0,3,6,0,4,4,83,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988270964902817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587743183762715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445105752066755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603149415291795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214017571440408,0.0,0.2574325299566923,0.0,0.0,0.0959868730017036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700101944051762,0.0,0.07348151414558722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328259132259735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122789990974157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259247675007486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986771896826654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30794550418435324,0.07099925401106992,0.0,0.12832608280643487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355150968209945,0.0,0.0,0.0970066585473238,0.0,0.0,0.15830331144436188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847709018214992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136803192426544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738064550119006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668669420612652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619992967729296,0.14941998675296306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580651403067732,0.13229991206072408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654855997355513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428696626842139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810025850646044,0.1032358731615316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,searchingforpeace89,2019/03/02,"Ran out of hope, depression has never hit this hard Every time that I get depressed , I can most of the time pick one activity to do that will help to distract me from it. Lately, I have been unable to do that. Most nights I just sit in my room alone and watch YouTube and wallow in how pathetic and unhappy I am. The worst part about it is that I should be happy. I have a good job and a nice place to live and after being homeless for a long time that is all I ever wanted. But I guess I just feel alone and I haven't felt like I have connected with anyone in a long time and I don't want to. I want to stay as far away from people as I can for the most part and I just hide in my room. Something is fucked up in my head, specifically that I just don't think that others can make me happy, and it feels like a chore to be around them at all. I just constantly watch myself fail at goals that I set for myself.  


I can't keep my room clean, I haven't worked out in months and I've been eating horribly and smoking too much. I would really just wish that smoking could kill me quicker because being alive is so much work. It truly is tiring, I don't know how people do it every single day and compete in a world in which there are people worse off than you and better off than you and you're caught in this middle area in which you should be thankful for what you have but not jealous of what do don't. I am taken care of, but I don't have family. Never really did I guess. I have people who are related to me by blood but I haven't talked to them in many years, mainly because of things that happened between us.   


I'm honestly a shit fucking human being and a coward. I have done horrible and unspeakable things and I was never punished for it. The people I have hurt have moved on and they seem to be doing well but that is no consolation for the guilt, the feeling of knowing that I am capable of something that I never thought I would be. I hate what I've done and how cowardly I am, I fucking hate looking at myself. I am a despicable and weak-willed person which is why I'm posting on an internet forum attempting to garner sympathy instead of just actually following through and ridding the world of my pestilence.  


I'm sure people would say that they missed me, people would tell others after I'm gone about how much they cared for me and how well they knew me and that they were surprised that I did this. But in reality, did they know me? Do they know that I go home to an empty room every night and stare at a phone that never rings. What is the point of living in world that you don't feel apart of? Some of us just weren't meant to be here, and truly I wasn't. I was a mistake and I have been told many times that and I lived up to being a mistake by being a weak and wicked person. I go to sleep every night wishing that I wouldn't wake up, and the smalls things through out the day that go wrong just slowly drive me over the edge.  


All I wanted in life was love, I just wanted someone not to leave for once, I just wanted to feel safe and not like I was walking on egg shells. I get it though, I've been on the other side of it and I have left because sometimes it's just too hard to stand by someone through the thick and the thin.    


The one thing that I wanted in life I don't think I'll ever have because I would never put all of my darkness on another. That is probably why I isolate myself because I'm just so ashamed of what I have become and I don't want to show others what a deformed monster I am. I don't deserve life and it's not fair that I have it when many others who were much more deserving had theirs stolen from them or were born into horrific situations yet I'm some fat piece weird piece of broken trash taking up air.

​

I know that no one can help me, there really isn't anything that I think anyone could say to me that would make me feel better and the mental health line won't return my calls. The fucking irony that when you fill out a sheet at the doctors office saying that you're a 9/10 for suicidal thoughts and it isn't even mentioned during the visit. The mental health line that is suppose to call you back with 48 hours never does. What a fucking joke",4.303670610211706,4.525231565068495,5.088759651307598,86.94690037359902,70.10730593607306,7.832096305520962,25.402158572021584,7.486611883883027,1.0473094063926942,3305,83,717,32,55,1074,326,876,0.152,0.7490000000000001,0.098,-0.9937,1,2,2,0,0,1,60.0,2,7,11,8,39,46,11,3,39,0,101,22,6,8,14,143,170,55,2,24,24,0,11,3,0,11,9,4,7,3,67,44,3,2,20,2,0,13,32,25,2,3,29,19,106,21,105,116,21,110,0,5,4,6,39,58,6,10,37,534,173,6,0.0,0.0,0.049776798754529325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565854985074982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055267533905345896,0.0619807373542341,0.0,0.05348671020887818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133245896073953,0.0,0.04197553192636338,0.04540825246400728,0.0,0.0,0.04792403084677984,0.039222278263803936,0.0,0.1554711060684067,0.056334723198190995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902254938969658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104170471913376,0.0,0.10401283974638023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055121913272031316,0.0,0.0814520455531286,0.0,0.0,0.06579234138222446,0.0,0.08786684692857244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220921518304803,0.0446377572786016,0.10439851863721564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219428384557049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033690538975277504,0.09227995905952033,0.17190696424527302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808613970611992,0.0,0.15474814871239986,0.03644038070104733,0.04897602225915002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578202227989514,0.053299522872829685,0.0,0.08696767495375264,0.04278339009149055,0.0,0.0,0.11238291276446362,0.0,0.04510652196951502,0.10859868984565657,0.0913869382920983,0.10072038523102833,0.05234929057877729,0.1084389972637772,0.0,0.0,0.06837965347761292,0.0,0.05116554141492697,0.05066280821559424,0.050232957163778735,0.0,0.05460550155047067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061792397657621,0.04533857172784301,0.05643318991916273,0.0,0.14016429614907536,0.0,0.05753964888728591,0.05401048543532929,0.05542072953697857,0.0,0.10808613393208774,0.07476032064613015,0.0,0.13512394223712698,0.09028158227593427,0.04283417341238577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603703403067208,0.0,0.06809694926913691,0.1551434049016365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280885388173086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071438420905143,0.054213811440501546,0.14998804707141533,0.0,0.27538552841459224,0.0,0.0,0.1436036639881956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432223587227007,0.10369374919302002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047416061917073,0.0,0.24753940717137696,0.08907706035254277,0.05329287688200353,0.0,0.048219385078045816,0.0,0.04885190635347903,0.0,0.054995636517560086,0.0,0.0,0.0512774877652739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803177963525432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216916793317816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643609281478001,0.0,0.0,0.052359345836214224,0.0,0.05733553085651826,0.05104519500121995,0.0,0.08643843135186108,0.07853745110114041,0.050448569724743535,0.0,0.0,0.054368122084434464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579486397744459,0.0,0.048074773167345805,0.0,0.03835193667801588,0.04099858549623357,0.04458355263059345,0.046961642282466035,0.0,0.0,0.1355507444330745,0.09805228733716698,0.05011545213790549,0.08098987613476179,0.14871691692014705,0.058626603170702785,0.0,0.04874067138747445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271354685879808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24068840608856465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917252782761548,0.0,0.0920542173779525,0.0,0.11731418728537812,0.0,0.0,0.07426938335201487,0.0,0.05198187393157418,0.2174092414699448,0.05576963136407817,0.0619807373542341,0.032847709775168016
suicidewatch,gande0d,2019/03/02,37 yo convicted felon and I'm ready to die. I have had plenty of opportunities.  I've ruined them all.  I am the problem. I am nothing but a burden.  I wish I could close my eyes one last time.  I'm going to leap off of the Westinghouse bridge before I make things worse for anyone else.  ,-0.09995762711864133,2.21188805084746,2.286249999999999,91.80700211864408,92.22033898305084,4.983898305084747,15.84957627118644,6.6274283507984215,-0.21918813559322006,221,5,48,3,8,75,46,59,0.219,0.672,0.109,-0.7736,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,1,8,10,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,1,8,1,6,8,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577827255010486,0.30154054177911604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504238143742954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349710282498509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054322898357669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24584614647709055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672549278913078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398901305279688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644454699434413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823844917277749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994222629647242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816010702469921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955168687488468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160608625393758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338425327780882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999122805354016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,College_BOI_,2019/03/02,"Money and college I am in a really bad state and figured a place like this might help since for the first time in quite a long time I really want to die. I've thought about how and what which is more than usual so I guess I'll share my problems.

Ultimately I just need some support right now and suggestions would help too. I'm trying to be proud of what I've done for myself but I'm being pushed down quite a bit. 

I'm 17 and a senior in high school. I'm almost the very top of my class, have one of (maybe THE) best standardized test scores, taken the most rigorous classes. I'm a 2 sport athlete, I was team captain in one and I am also in a club along with volunteering at my church every weekend and helping run their media center.

This last evening the cost of college came up and for about 3 hours I was yelled at about my lack of ambition, responsibility, and drive. I was told that I'm arrogant, and ignorant and lack any useful life experience. Things were brought up about counselors I've spoken to. Basically it's been made apparent that when I turn 18 I'm gone. 

I'm getting acceptances into t10 schools and I won't be able to go because they are going to refuse to even bring me to the universities in getting into.

I don't have a license bc where I live it's an insane amount of hours if you don't attend the private driving academy, which is about $450. I don't have that because of sports and so many difficult classes it's hard to have time for a job. 

But now I'm a lazy piece of shit because I don't work nights or weekends (which it seems like I'm going to need to do now) and that all this effort I've put to try and escape into a good university is worthless. Seems like I'll need to enlist as soon as I turn 18. 

I'm also a prideful and disgusting person bc I don't want to work at one of the few places nearby that's hiring bc literal crackheads work there.

I've tried for so long and done pretty fucking good. But I'm always not good enough and always under threat. I need to escape and right now death seems very inviting.",3.8509979716024354,4.592907764705885,4.9796348884381345,85.46352941176471,71.35294117647058,7.838539553752535,26.184584178498987,7.990435384864732,1.372356592292089,1620,49,345,21,29,535,216,425,0.136,0.7240000000000001,0.139,-0.555,2,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,2,12,24,21,4,0,21,0,29,3,1,3,1,60,69,33,2,11,7,0,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,18,25,0,2,6,6,2,13,7,9,0,4,14,2,26,12,54,49,12,58,1,1,0,1,13,24,2,10,23,205,44,15,0.0872868471623871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740516887418119,0.0,0.0,0.13960652027978335,0.1452592984852859,0.0,0.0,0.059358049263952425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288087140655154,0.15962775558890024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160216092640544,0.0,0.09529463000611584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983289967236138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058996653864183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864949998632124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019064636375844,0.0,0.11530427865778994,0.0,0.07354293338515973,0.0,0.0,0.08538328555761239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424614760581992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069528368011017,0.09120755002117598,0.0,0.14882138030570047,0.21963619831018996,0.0,0.0,0.09615630295553232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819187017345397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755196011755297,0.09222334640751928,0.0,0.0,0.17191992371708448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661872722720218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115043045764538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165328152954151,0.12793183348376688,0.0,0.07707588521356028,0.15449222596363602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259292529272139,0.0,0.0884951628102653,0.08769137012428323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259755101321507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588883646531425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191279308871191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744347991578072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621550813155079,0.18239235445259636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880210375214692,0.0,0.0835217243882033,0.0,0.08774739018715648,0.0,0.18568061261517985,0.0,0.0,0.111836378799372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908498109889684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667789870140124,0.0,0.238388002175778,0.0,0.0,0.08959869426649192,0.07220458197011677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905207976393987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057989502705237415,0.0,0.0,0.06929600661149371,0.15269298756785582,0.0,0.0,0.08340632305931864,0.0,0.17778611869239816,0.1898860493270828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753878105001836,0.0961341303564885,0.1440415806542321,0.10296808796120843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906375929466504,0.0,0.0,0.0620060718421686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AltyMcAltAccount12,2019/03/02,"Disappearing Made an alt account so my roommate doesn't find it. I've been doing a LOT of research on how to disappear. I just want to fall off the face of the earth, wind up in some BLM land somewhere and deal with my issues on my own, out where everything makes sense. The only thing I can't figure out, will the police pursue a person reported missing if it's clear they did it on purpose? Does having a history of depression play any factor? ",4.6679026217228445,5.5257546853932595,5.707359550561801,80.56343632958803,69.56179775280899,8.629962546816481,28.316479400749067,8.841846274778883,2.159964794007491,353,12,68,6,6,117,70,89,0.092,0.8370000000000001,0.071,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,8,0,7,1,1,3,1,15,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,1,3,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,14,7,3,13,0,2,0,0,3,10,0,3,0,48,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154853895343378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32668348856476503,0.27292336957494634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772988346024964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847861879424017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896173688009507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33073444183055595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939519764218484,0.0,0.29983412359696304,0.21151605528095369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409971834394829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766824156443167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051720422573347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869006715943544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,david_rod_21,2019/03/02,"Fuck my thoughts lol My mom just asked me what I was gonna do for my b-day, and I had to take a min to think about it. It was then I realized that I was frustrated with the question cause despite how much I want to die I know I can’t do it yet. And I hate myself for being disappointed that I won’t be dead by then, and not by the fact that I want to die.",-0.864066265060238,0.5454776987951853,1.820105421686748,100.49232680722893,85.26506024096386,5.595783132530121,17.60391566265061,6.6274283507984215,-0.497528915662651,271,6,76,3,8,94,53,83,0.317,0.6509999999999999,0.031,-0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,3,1,10,1,0,2,1,16,20,6,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,15,0,10,11,1,4,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,4,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178591519832998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568620631637946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679618040909347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368381621718877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23910102543359954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534545804151754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213732927711975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029065572466413,0.0,0.0,0.19012420619894912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28972692041464176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445900281982587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572087940753386,0.0,0.20532484035799373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050955928980805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wonkerdurp,2019/03/02,"My best friend committed suicide. My best friend committed suicide 2 years ago. It feels like yesterday when I last saw her. And now it sucks being the ""dead girls best friend"" worse than that I still have urges to call her first thing in the morning, to text her & tag her in posts. Never underestimate how much you will be missed, because I promise you no matter how unloved you feel, you are loved. 

I was in denial for almost a year. I spoke at her funeral without shedding a tear. I was in a nightmare. Logically she was coming back, she had to come back, she had so many dreams, so many aspirations, so many hopes. 

I feel like I could have done better, done more, put in more effort to see her, to support her, to be there for her no matter what, to love her. 

She was an amazing friend. Loved me unconditionally and was there through everything. I have a huge empty hole in my heart & I know the pain will never get better but it will be easier to cope with. I wake up smiling because I dreamt of her, her laugh, her smile and she's happy. When I wake up some days it's just terrible. 

What I want to say is that even at times if you don't feel loved, you are. Sometimes people don't realize how much they are loved. And I tell her so often through an old account that was memoralized. She was so beautiful, beaming, radiant, charming and witty. 

Check on your friends, even the strong ones. Show them you care because it could be life or death. If you are thinking of doing this reach out for help, talk to someone, because you will leave people like me, like her family in the shadows and reminiscing of memories. 
",3.744905063291138,5.396441300632912,4.3136506329113935,86.64907088607596,72.70253164556964,7.334481012658228,25.614683544303798,7.976525956113202,1.3432814177215184,1265,41,259,18,25,401,168,316,0.08900000000000001,0.597,0.314,0.998,0,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,10,2,8,20,33,1,0,11,0,33,10,3,3,4,41,56,20,5,6,6,0,4,4,5,4,2,2,0,1,12,10,0,0,9,2,2,3,7,5,0,2,13,8,52,28,34,32,8,35,0,1,2,5,49,14,1,7,21,186,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690383052808178,0.0,0.08687345649519915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799986436200275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341979409091426,0.0,0.2115422548299648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731347508828045,0.1534570064558602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858742740259208,0.0,0.08845337570930932,0.0,0.0,0.1494649736483963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853498097293118,0.0,0.0,0.05595034906524191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775627204300868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460284745982274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797056803823417,0.0,0.08178569861580548,0.0,0.17546546717058029,0.1239567996797118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379448557847954,0.0,0.0,0.3351367901701082,0.0,0.04532635329727551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235322040893433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280610537928124,0.058150620583726234,0.0,0.0,0.08616813886650172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047678748810380506,0.07071760062467873,0.0,0.09186192343372916,0.0,0.0,0.06127822575862583,0.1695381133427993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915027296232446,0.0,0.0,0.2638704589942422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275510707318726,0.0,0.13382292674721893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103567546625548,0.0,0.05878801231618324,0.0,0.09231434600563633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202911719568408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830881271453923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721359597124415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899173767954914,0.0,0.0,0.06913318377438955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350795404425628,0.0,0.08580375851175283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928333752716459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979364771043927,0.09844951566329478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973106965046195,0.0758284408137581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763673482163807,0.05558964856095033,0.0,0.0,0.050588036472201794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051170850792407886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362954791614127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841162756742249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173585188205204
suicidewatch,Conie2018,2019/03/02,"This constant bullshit I’ve been depressed most of my life, I’m at most my most comfortable depressed. But the last couple months have been fucking hell. My brain is constantly telling me to kill myself, over and over again “kill yourself, fucking die you pathetic asshole, blow you goddamn brains out you fucking bastard” it’s been kind enough to vary but for fucking hours every day “kill yourself, kill your self, fucking kill yourself”. At this point I’m almost used to it. How common is this constant bullshit or is it something that everyone has when they want to die.",5.180470085470084,7.645791576923075,4.233974358974358,85.28880341880344,70.73076923076924,6.160683760683763,33.67094017094017,6.937597516519254,2.248627350427351,460,23,77,4,9,135,67,104,0.387,0.5710000000000001,0.042,-0.9947,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,4,1,0,3,16,12,0,1,0,8,8,2,2,0,12,17,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,0,0,3,0,10,2,11,14,4,16,1,2,0,5,7,6,7,5,10,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065281305059748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751927989439825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448896774902549,0.0,0.0,0.11771178596074833,0.0,0.06860882860585059,0.0,0.18325663183306856,0.0,0.2208194298406299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992302938155828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963304237446221,0.10165439621398853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917511070464119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047667335136327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5884902366297794,0.1107824837026486,0.0,0.08671709509833421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751421100776648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491463137824308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005671923751591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098163185543952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189954041055486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298423666979352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188155138838168,0.0,0.0,0.0627479933599354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anonymousguy116,2019/03/02,"About two weeks ago I was supposed to leave for bootcamp to become an American hero This is a story about how the american high school system ruined my fucking life. 

​

Midway junior year I decided I was going to join the USMC and they even said I could graduate halfway through the year. I took the deal and was excited. But what happens? Well I'm not the best student and they assigned almost 4 hours worth of homework every night which made me fail because I had to physically train and you know...worry about shit that mattered. I've always slacked on schoolwork so this year it really bit me in the ass and the constant ""encouragement"" I got from teachers and family (i.e ""just push through it"") did not fucking help at all and I was literally belittled by everyone in power on a daily basis and because of this I lost motivation for everything and now I have to repeat the semester which made me further lose motivation because I already sat through this hell before (I swear to god if anyone comments ""just get through it"" I will fucking ignore you, no exceptions). Its such bullshit that im expected to learn shit I already know. I know how to interact with classmates, I know how to write a fucking essay (pretty goddamn well too), I know advanced algebra, and I know how to think for my fucking self. I DO NOT WANT TO BE A LIFE LONG STUDENT WHY AM I BEING FORCED TO STAY IN THIS VICIOUS CYCLE OF WORTHLESSNESS

​

If thats not the worst part heres this: I called out my narcissist dad because he was stalking me and accusing me of things I didnt do, now hes not paying for my school lunches (because prison doesnt give out free food apparently) out of being petty and my mom cant afford it. I tried talking it over at r/raisedbynarcissists and only one person commented saying that I basically dont belong there even though I described in detail all the shitty things that have happened to me.

​

Also I was physiologically forced into a relationship where I was constantly being cheated on, gaslit, lied to ect ect. because she took advantage of my ""caring nature"" and then when she broke up with me she tossed me aside like I was nothing and moved on to the next guy in a week and actually spent a lot of time with him despite telling me she was too busy.

​

I came up with a plan originally to run away (yes, you actually can run away from your problems if you plan enough) but my state is way too cold for that right now and it wont be warmer for another 3 months of this hellish cycle of going to school with no motivation and coming home to nothingness and belittlement (even if I moved over to my dads I would still get belittled...just in a talked down to way because thats how he rolls)

​

Anyways I feel myself getting fatter because I havent worked out in months because I have no motivation because school took a knife and shoved it down my urethra, I lost all my muscle mass that I spent so long building, My creativity is basically gone (I used to write screenplays and make little games), I feel numb and dead inside and all I want to do is find some heavy psychedelics to get rid of the void. All because a couple of fat mother fuckers in the government brainwashed people into thinking academics is the most important shit in the world. I've always been downplayed or overshadowed my entire life and now the people who I used to call friends ignore me like how I was alone in middle school so I have literally nothing to look forward to in the day. I used to be fully committed to going infantry now Im almost fully committed to ending my life.   ",8.403688209681551,7.333830342525399,8.257792623580638,71.95195487919409,61.97532656023222,10.892529667890383,37.53611371979851,9.916854025145753,3.6429685477674383,2882,119,518,48,34,931,326,689,0.145,0.7829999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9932,4,1,0,0,0,0,78.0,0,5,2,16,37,37,13,0,29,1,43,18,5,17,7,104,91,44,1,10,15,4,2,2,1,3,6,2,2,3,29,37,3,2,16,1,5,16,15,25,2,2,28,6,80,13,93,53,13,88,2,7,1,7,42,40,11,10,31,361,109,21,0.0,0.0,0.09875742009727327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485421866400323,0.0,0.1013380214477238,0.052406774117478384,0.11167764193615062,0.040465137041036665,0.08420720476252906,0.2741276659105108,0.3074252397696569,0.0,0.053058951578707686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538098970012737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508151921198958,0.0,0.0,0.3393010055100641,0.055884187655208736,0.043057229936101116,0.0,0.05310201826839546,0.0,0.055242552493169915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333737116375308,0.05787339958549442,0.051590499828039635,0.0,0.0,0.043587780768518436,0.0,0.10936215429233732,0.0,0.040400317425699335,0.05598840153151447,0.0,0.03263308438691196,0.052166810451986234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930331457943891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04481695250879295,0.05228375949225146,0.0,0.10026329919164263,0.0,0.04263303564713613,0.04835086908434391,0.04547639414224547,0.0,0.04770157200377762,0.0,0.051170184751569606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046247866545746585,0.0,0.061186227882782884,0.0,0.03909375843938772,0.23389636144049405,0.10574652253741622,0.0485405329626276,0.08627215314353005,0.0,0.04046977775873852,0.0,0.0,0.05010237050381024,0.08949156737133371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033916394452647075,0.053462121157154506,0.050756346274262884,0.0,0.049831220342391215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931427186139324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685200282599505,0.0,0.0,0.053578537925855714,0.0,0.0,0.14296229036424388,0.049441617898237616,0.050714913356064886,0.0,0.0895595575745989,0.042491608179418314,0.056608926122256924,0.11047267005755873,0.04301866700951774,0.0,0.09575868043676332,0.033776172808335364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926259953755945,0.08077754387467942,0.10756047567275094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053814119985768835,0.047485065756327736,0.0,0.09710493405821924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034288153673818954,0.03848389902772099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479532313821378,0.0,0.07015991912562969,0.04418233439261583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051478817617709005,0.0,0.0484177675440817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03241592430797958,0.0,0.0,0.05432591366099356,0.0,0.043212481615021184,0.04813258614354512,0.04023948438768666,0.0,0.25605162884752075,0.0,0.0,0.05278727288206343,0.0,0.15582180982344446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053933314384784256,0.04040956022444953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134140066363935,0.04422699678098296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723334036852449,0.06484541107734475,0.049714655060030116,0.0,0.029505511417641836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865678305394718,0.03435436321295133,0.0,0.04942925713769245,0.0,0.0,0.13110754757012838,0.0,0.0,0.05969087664177231,0.08032851518576786,0.08117720840099724,0.0,0.09099170765208413,0.0,0.04565900803581182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03683770790599991,0.05138718201243602,0.0,0.03594508608109848,0.0,0.3074252397696569,0.09775503310780108
suicidewatch,Yanderebu,2019/03/02,Afterlife (?) What awaits for me soon is a mystery. But I sure hope its beautiful. I hope I can create happiness in my own image after death and carry on my own space where I can be truly happy. Goodluck. ,1.056750000000001,3.579201175000001,3.4600000000000013,84.50500000000002,87.25,6.2,20.5,7.554174236665415,1.1643499999999998,157,5,29,3,5,54,33,40,0.07,0.468,0.461,0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6956348312354828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6490467627751048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079455817236845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soursolitude,2019/03/02,"nothing to hold on to i dont even feel like pouring my heart out about it anymore. im just gonna do it. life just sucks. things get better only to get worse and its never a fair trade of time wasted. no one stays. no one wants to help. like seriously. i dont ask for help but im supposed to. i ask for help and get turned away by EVERYONE except for the only one whos doing it for the MONEY, my fucking therapist i have to fucking PAY. I dont want to live in a world like this. things are so fast and cheap. relationships are so fast and cheap. nothing means anything to anyone nothing matters. I dont want to do it anymore.",0.17889724310776955,2.303846639097749,2.329654135338348,94.15262656641606,86.36842105263158,4.74967418546366,20.14486215538848,6.079149491110277,-0.02768130325814555,485,15,109,4,15,163,75,133,0.19,0.741,0.069,-0.8486,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,4,0,10,4,1,0,1,17,26,7,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,0,5,0,7,4,0,3,0,1,8,4,21,25,0,10,0,0,0,2,7,5,3,0,7,67,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987053990444946,0.07751020613571699,0.0,0.0912216452277216,0.0,0.20726307229676652,0.0,0.10414898249429014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980394722478272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196702722611555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321661579714857,0.0,0.0,0.1059237138738115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056050037063867165,0.07919259930060035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204961538309728,0.1737465831823707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313600017101642,0.22290501885498407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947808745219745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829795526979623,0.16246987552309589,0.0,0.09788423362249812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075018563457615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854957972657361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190960817987245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253482914239634,0.16861568722788073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901342506424055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815334593458275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287075669653793,0.14729011583128204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463861784264723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205750045068267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614991802683115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296752761529638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rainbow6SiegeCreator,2019/03/02,"My Dad is my murderer I can't stand living with my dad anymore. I have been breated for my lack of certain coordination in many aspects of my life. The next time he berates me, I might climb to the roof of the apartment complex building we currently reside in and hang myself. If my family saw this, I know their hearts would be broken, and dad would be to blame. The next time he berates me will be the straw that broke the camel's back, or in this case the rope that will break my neck. He forces me to be on his ground, while not trying to find mine, and if he does, he does whatever he can to fuck it all up. He is trying to dig out the nail that ties him down, and I'm the nail. As smart as my dad is, he can't be neutral for a damn second. His way of 'parenting' will literally kill me if he doesn't change on his own. ",4.41057142857143,3.8439536285714304,5.3275714285714315,88.03592857142858,69.85714285714286,8.6,26.642857142857146,7.908726449838941,1.1892857142857145,635,16,151,7,10,209,100,175,0.14,0.8340000000000001,0.026,-0.9694,2,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,10,0,20,4,2,0,2,21,24,11,2,6,5,5,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,1,24,2,23,11,3,22,0,1,1,1,20,10,2,5,7,98,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933540043657548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991691351129902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062483058124256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412323349635764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379670856772584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819550367678674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802430384278552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310357936555797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570112769520988,0.0,0.1071482820137185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377103380165892,0.0,0.0,0.17215865793942187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976650468733834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682824552377133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146973658255833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164868061336496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273726275830306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647383982641317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475503295895054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769966788669473,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orphicchester,2019/03/02,"Hate towards family I have been depressed and suicidal for the better part of the last 15 years or so (28 years old now). However, I have never felt any hatred towards my own family, until now. I don’t know how or why. But in recent weeks, I have really grown to utterly despise and hate my own family members. All of them. Has anyone else experienced this? Just a random hate like that? I feel like maybe my end is near because of this and I’ve been drinking way more than normal, too, without even noticing up until recently. ",3.307549019607844,5.396185637254902,4.910392156862745,80.04343137254905,74.98039215686273,8.062745098039215,25.058823529411764,8.841846274778883,2.103070588235294,413,14,75,9,9,139,75,102,0.191,0.713,0.096,-0.9218,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,4,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,2,16,14,10,1,1,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,3,9,3,14,11,5,20,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,3,15,56,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031402216808886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106050594851508,0.15540296568353593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245610495413373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413903625291662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063241503605247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857802411358545,0.0,0.0,0.12670011149742802,0.0,0.13433384744950105,0.0,0.0,0.10017604190996902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289405239278352,0.0,0.07668847843939745,0.10835246972457424,0.14562616709742845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492256508346025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335339731795091,0.12363059873244142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819576933740186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237204500943846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697659713947263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860356275205516,0.0,0.17267633039529598,0.1591512574590623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164242907367491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716313999860547,0.0,0.29950997253978223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590143114857878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203879101629315,0.12165984208293075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685781555483725,0.0,0.0,0.1462036464651746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533991744675708
suicidewatch,throwawayyy398,2019/03/02,"I hate my life so much I hate every moment my heart beats, I want to be dead and buried. I wish I could give my life to someone who actually wants to live instead or who has a terminal illness. It's so messed up. ",-0.03782608695652101,1.9461343478260889,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,85.95652173913044,5.419130434782609,20.069565217391304,6.742157984588678,0.14193565217391324,164,5,39,2,5,56,34,46,0.322,0.603,0.075,-0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,6,9,4,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2497215492602145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431537900064356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215606841510894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454826600655308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052966697600129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032428089516561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614995673275322,0.0,0.0,0.22596444556432824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881159918996381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682329451575388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30187297677484176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29427244551802234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hg14,2019/03/02,"Never been closer... I took a girl out last Saturday. She did everything she could to show nothing but disdain for me at the start of the date and clearly did not want to be there. In the first two minutes, she said that she hasn't even had time to process the week because she was busy every night and then ""there was this"". I asked for a second date anyway, because I'm an idiot, and she laughed and said no. I've never felt more humiliated. Friends keep giving shitty Christian advice of ""God has a plan/person for you"" or telling me about how happy/fulfilled/perfect their lives are. Family doesn't give a shit about me. I've been a fucking doormat for everyone for the past 29 years. I give up.",3.0234782608695667,4.975362579710152,3.687753623188408,89.1059782608696,75.37681159420289,6.049275362318841,25.268115942028984,6.816661863887847,0.9280898550724634,548,19,110,5,12,173,95,138,0.08900000000000001,0.726,0.185,0.938,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,1,7,5,3,0,11,0,13,2,1,1,3,16,26,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,3,0,3,11,3,14,2,16,13,1,20,1,0,0,1,17,5,2,1,14,76,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054297256087158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358962875123974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003001740905831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311727570873144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851245920551417,0.0,0.13842200223108272,0.15698680628005976,0.14765388942793614,0.0,0.1548786523433175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774483813821488,0.0,0.0,0.13974558718942756,0.0,0.0,0.12693058882101554,0.15188410664973645,0.0,0.4728078350551706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460291246353775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391884971422793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450716998072179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25342223515887785,0.0,0.0,0.15417569446540333,0.0,0.15764135950941716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568340649351226,0.0,0.1434523039946826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125561595798372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864204467755342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628580447201682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359731494988104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579922952440316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825330149558872,0.0,0.0,0.16048814347692467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690291266225756,0.0,0.13178409127841134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579782560285172
suicidewatch,shroomymoomy,2019/03/02,"Anyone else? I live in remote work camps 24 days a month. I got some nylon rope from our worksite a little while ago and made a noose that I keep in my bag, last few days I've been getting off work, trying it to the coat hooks on the back of my door, cinching it around my neck and sitting down in an attempt to strangulate myself but as soon as I see the little spots I freak out and stand up. I just wish I could do it.",6.766428571428572,3.8981240769230787,6.897884615384616,86.12836538461538,66.47252747252746,9.53956043956044,29.34340659340659,5.985473137389443,1.1937450549450557,325,6,78,1,4,105,67,91,0.04,0.918,0.042,0.0303,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,7,0,3,1,1,1,0,12,9,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,12,0,15,5,2,21,0,0,1,0,1,11,0,1,8,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849688145428587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657426051382006,0.22943864169384426,0.0,0.1993416084167212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721852661269512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878668400928593,0.0,0.0,0.28882748049003465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706143320087426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699208889106025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909407225288318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990357109362212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825295709139304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488653439629322,0.19773075391606126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118841884334209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873559085679078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844002424835587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203105003791553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750384032180346,0.0,0.0,0.3260415790113003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrenadeSniper,2019/03/02,"Something Truly Terrifying So my depression has escalated very rapidly as of late, but I don't want to die, due to the people I care about. However this happened twice now where I get a very sudden urge to self harm, and immediately reach for a knife. I am completely unwilling to harm myself during these periods and I essentially have to fight against my own body to keep myself from physically harming my own body. I barely have control, and I don't know why. ",5.851034482758621,7.164956804597704,7.01902298850575,70.56577586206897,67.16091954022988,10.397701149425288,32.89080459770115,10.504223727775694,3.7157218390804614,370,16,65,10,6,125,63,87,0.238,0.6459999999999999,0.116,-0.9239,1,0,1,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,3,0,6,2,2,1,0,8,12,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,12,1,12,12,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015738326255951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301943013890692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367224802847448,0.0,0.25322766658881674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446106358890092,0.0,0.23432047592699964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795896027835087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996535108200343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006806250135524,0.0,0.0,0.12408092043405575,0.0,0.25468585051764364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652507363245302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355342445571045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381386503039267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372578697418768,0.13316889440549545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037282734603228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,puzzledshrike,2019/03/02,"I just want to be done I'm 21 and have been suicidal since I was 13 and have really just been a failure at killing myself, I've at least set up one attempt per year, but have actually tried and failed maybe 4 or 5 times. Only been hospitalized once and managed to lie my way out pretty quickly. 

I don't find any happiness in anything I do, I don't want to continue college and put my family in debt when I eventually succeed. I'm a manager at work and have 3 other jobs but honestly most of the time it just reminds me how pointless my existence is and how replaceable I am.

I hate therapists, and I'm going to be forced to see another one, my 3rd since high school but they won't change anything. My last one even dumped me for being ""too severe to treat"" so I'm a failure at therapy too. I believe that the depression is set in too deep now, my brain has grown around that at its center and my budding alcoholism isn't going to help that either. 

On top of that, my partner of 3 and a half years takes every opportunity to get away from me and we're already in an LDR bc his college so it leaves me with no one, and I'm miserable and I invested so much in the relationship that I barely exist outside of it and I just feel like garbage. If he liked me so much he wouldn't leave me to rot all the time when I would do anything for him. It took away any hope I have for a future too so now all I have to look forward to is intricately planning my own death.

I just want to walk out into the woods for like a day and bring enough sleep pills to end anything and just lay down and never get back up. This depression is going to be with me forever, it's just a matter of what truly breaks me now. ",4.602847779561267,4.371188688202253,5.9703049759229545,82.45249063670413,69.42134831460675,9.477581594435527,29.5928303905832,9.23628265651192,2.221263937934725,1327,45,292,24,21,451,187,356,0.162,0.72,0.118,-0.9736,2,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,7,27,16,3,1,13,0,29,4,2,2,3,51,50,31,3,7,13,0,1,3,2,3,2,0,0,1,14,23,1,0,2,0,2,9,7,7,0,5,6,3,37,9,46,37,9,55,0,4,2,0,9,25,0,4,22,203,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.1010990775163004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071735537157927,0.0,0.0,0.11432565338199095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409036933344978,0.10863408649812444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410173142663346,0.0922263494359546,0.0,0.0,0.19467203318418705,0.07966233767086926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167222103180246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565234531962093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959552059104948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681370827181979,0.0,0.17846180130128067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601921168474504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917592329015471,0.10704694084848176,0.0,0.068427108545577,0.0,0.08728783257804076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766526749907377,0.0,0.05238349148475968,0.07401216963321605,0.0,0.0,0.0946889183671789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825389999616472,0.0,0.1766355396802575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028458677121812,0.0,0.10228397856759336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944118605901617,0.10945954492795099,0.0,0.10289860543745316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280744338458347,0.0,0.11461852881028012,0.0,0.0,0.08444817980153774,0.0,0.21939579845811247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518418146859805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699827081128635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408055922735364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231647651921118,0.0,0.07990304025935338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033107939288002,0.28080933687784376,0.07879279728248928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539888481602712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414704923045813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636908985971861,0.0,0.0,0.1112280930576532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484916858918723,0.08255613145894855,0.0,0.0,0.1170389999629282,0.0,0.17139869657814807,0.0,0.10367525143013394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332205805528694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789463195959669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847612335872945,0.12028808706179127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123073585957036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510389239158653,0.07033789311361734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331865773767064,0.08223320106515711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542234868920691,0.0,0.0,0.07359477476150478,0.0,0.0,0.13343056363143374
suicidewatch,Feircemajora,2019/03/03,"I'm fucking pathetic I want to kill myself over a boy... 
I want to kill myself over a boy...
I want to kill myself over a boy...

God, it's so fucking pathetic that a person can hurt me like that. HOW DO I LET HIM SO THAT",-1.6787074829931967,0.13576810204081724,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,92.46938775510205,4.899319727891157,16.329931972789115,6.42735559955562,-0.397084353741497,163,4,41,2,6,59,25,49,0.406,0.446,0.149,-0.9688,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,9,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,1,6,8,0,3,0,1,0,2,5,3,2,0,1,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058169376025789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349610585360819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7284761606512482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244362069611032,0.0,0.10722829249036983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164406330350334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883702264390521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Episodix,2019/03/03,It Gets Worse Things never get better. I’m drowning in medical debt and I had to go to the ER again because I got really sick. I don’t know how I can keep going. I just have to pray for there to be a fucking method that works. I need to die. So fucking bad. ,-1.5890789473684208,0.36818559649123017,1.2659429824561421,98.67680921052632,96.5438596491228,4.253508771929825,15.896929824561406,5.985473137389443,-0.6207175438596497,197,5,48,2,8,68,46,57,0.311,0.652,0.037000000000000005,-0.9536,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,2,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,1,7,16,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,7,13,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528331057656547,0.15717517742703646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22803607001834014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26759432928111165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4767327141757405,0.2694186134054834,0.0,0.29306967034887554,0.0,0.2062159803832697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291775698976724,0.0,0.0,0.14170059423436102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597438754033992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118303313560356,0.19885996083577756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517712676977747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712955934820225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187708568507471,0.0,0.2627581569590857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sarinashell,2019/03/03,"i just don’t know what to do anymore ive come to my breaking point. i see no solution besides killing myself. i’ll never be able to solve my problems when the only problem is me. i’m so sick of being me. i cant get it together, i’m just getting more and more stuck and this time i won’t be able to fix it. i can’t keep doing this. everything i feel is so intense but most of the time i feel like nothing and i just float through life on autopilot because i can’t function normally anymore. i let everyone down all the time. i never say the right thing. im always too emotional, too clingy and just too much for everyone. i see no hope at this point. ",0.7478108941418284,2.708134043165469,2.9684737923946583,91.46397482014393,82.66906474820144,6.273586844809866,25.03648509763617,7.447530270364453,1.1998772867420353,508,21,113,8,14,173,82,139,0.115,0.784,0.101,-0.197,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,4,0,14,2,0,0,3,22,27,8,1,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,1,5,18,2,11,21,5,14,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,2,7,77,25,0,0.3002790670781324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124928119331767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977961471492197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152366610064692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293319138810665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688867670027065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869295167698733,0.1349357316919038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183011869115648,0.1072597127596062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688341898687855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912243374678774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217646029550026,0.0,0.0,0.13345091590438504,0.16610714883842384,0.0,0.08251276114505635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535278453083119,0.10604799269215512,0.07335059224641516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103698324273539,0.0,0.2315937281479498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710486522693966,0.1440629317163459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418788080295388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28386077716072744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28732651361995537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821834129388854,0.0,0.11939698322988755,0.0,0.0,0.239283539199399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974603470473956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626427081903247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kohayz,2019/03/03,Social media makes me want to die. I feel so lonely. Unloved. I want out. I have mental problems and they get worse everyday. Ocd and depression are ruining my life. I don't know when I'm going to kill myself but it might happen if my life keeps spiraling downhill. Nobody cares about me. I have done nothing to move further with my life at 22. I live in fear of death or going insane and I think it's coming true. ,0.23714285714285666,2.651867000000003,2.1709523809523823,91.96571428571433,93.28571428571428,4.704761904761905,17.714285714285715,6.42735559955562,0.07611428571428602,324,9,65,4,12,107,64,84,0.305,0.595,0.101,-0.9598,0,2,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,9,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,19,20,8,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,1,1,14,2,9,18,0,10,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176684292519328,0.0,0.0,0.17046876741053665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704464212860437,0.0,0.2053834624716061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251499298413306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268656354167565,0.10006151000316232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339181668044237,0.0,0.22493624511165206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499763597102716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589790842303513,0.2189411729157902,0.0,0.10875775565320032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41933665229490863,0.0,0.0,0.1747446520081517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209625369688033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994313194703083,0.20993501123960576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21033075539450208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988530875540524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893585084737968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172873246622067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680293770047166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344685109838376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016716131985836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deadpaninthenight,2019/03/03,"I'm getting ready to do it tomorrow I've been planning this for 2 weeks. I've withdrawn cash to buy a one-shot shotgun and have recently bought slugs. I know the location where I will carry out the act. I've just completed my suicide note and have drafted a personalized email for someone very dear to me whom I have no other means of contact.

I'm doing this as my academics(college)are going down the shitter. I'm also doing it because I don't feel I'll get anywhere in life",4.21808035714286,5.499945718750006,5.491904761904763,80.11500000000002,70.97916666666666,7.985714285714287,31.42261904761905,8.418075326091056,2.4376119047619045,383,17,73,6,7,128,68,96,0.076,0.863,0.061,-0.3197,0,0,0,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,7,19,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,10,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389180596219587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821211671712592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31324390781446176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510619034719195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31217927114379496,0.0,0.16979204763809047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419054225533006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110228428134168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254369460231037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244733473806348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608654850704511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29498920490668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531381618801754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32679466965594445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465080777446507,0.0,0.0,0.2396470460117928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BilliamK,2019/03/03,"Unrelatable I basically just never talk about this kind of thing, but I’ve been reading a lot of these posts, and constantly feel the exact same way, but also kind of out of place.

My childhood was fine. I was never bullied, never struggled in school, and never had anyone I know commit suicide or die in a horrific way. I have a family that loves me, a super great girlfriend, and a few really good friends.

I’ve never had any stress where school or work is related, and never struggled with an addiction or jail time.

I cant stand the idea of self harm, and I don’t like feeling physical pain. Though sometimes when I’m feeling really down I don’t care about pain, the idea of cutting myself has never really appealed to me. (The only exception to this was at one point, I kept snapping a rubber band on my arms until they were red and raw)

Honestly, I feel almost guilty for being suicidal after seeing what others have been through, but my problems are real too, even if they’re less extreme. I feel so out of place on earth, and nothing makes sense to me. I can’t ever seem to put into words why I get depressed, but there are really familiar and repeating emotions that make me so incredibly sad that I just want to stop existing. Every time I consider suicide I cant help but feel like it’ll be perceived as me wanting “attention”, and even posting this is making me feel the same way (so, obviously, I’m using a throwaway)

Sometimes I think back on how my life hasn’t been bad at all, and I think I was just overreacting, but within a day my depression will kick in again, and I will continue to inch ever closer to ending it all.

Sorry for the pointless rant, but I figured a little perspective might be helpful.",8.829741293532336,6.709728710447763,9.041194029850747,70.01980099502491,61.8955223880597,12.037810945273632,37.25870646766169,10.650279960617883,3.866207960199004,1358,50,249,26,15,452,190,335,0.214,0.635,0.152,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,4,39.0,0,0,1,2,21,24,1,3,16,0,30,6,1,5,14,78,54,31,4,4,15,0,7,2,2,4,4,0,0,1,12,15,0,2,17,2,0,1,13,12,0,1,11,9,33,12,37,36,7,50,0,3,2,1,9,20,0,8,25,183,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744392143814562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803216515146493,0.0,0.0,0.06414624223898698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454753544875221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056086737916094566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616787833618598,0.06697443675931393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178241669721195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866816691353286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517306968209524,0.0,0.13817453896854556,0.0,0.08324834579880214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022873736331136,0.07104483766178192,0.0,0.0,0.10595975281314024,0.14511435478560694,0.06758284370150994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561760114223028,0.0,0.2839064333590934,0.0573041252669348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061972302141032415,0.0,0.04190793944264015,0.0,0.0,0.06727879067071459,0.0,0.08843502622896901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753005740354696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110124370492506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705882300999145,0.044082922461057134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056656756774635185,0.07837596089620301,0.08039441739609719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819415518085066,0.07239529100023785,0.0,0.16062823862468198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509323097698893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330560360067059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696645900868315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543543497519329,0.061005539332029006,0.17070440221466826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761085553608893,0.0,0.0758271354373498,0.0,0.15364360675451846,0.0,0.0,0.07675293036580952,0.0,0.08063613841966583,0.0,0.0,0.08023462562349465,0.09129986251510908,0.2055457991852687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235951251650052,0.06391931113655634,0.07302282875131119,0.08367956816739354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586652555998851,0.08979179554486069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670615918707905,0.09188362755267022,0.16771191778639774,0.0,0.2632197424756745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447210577511285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053289899073391926,0.10279439911041713,0.07880878552503906,0.0,0.09354559609482356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927820770147666,0.0,0.0,0.0946233155873806,0.1910078441812341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237968295737679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839596026749992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeawaifu,2019/03/03,"constantly digging a deeper hole for myself every single day for the past month, every single day i have convinced myself that i am going to kill myself at the end of the day— so i do the most impulsive shit, and nothing good ever comes out of it. 

i havent been doing well in having any motivation to do anything productive lately. my room is absolutely disgusting. i’m missing alot of work for my classes because i dont attend or just dont do the work. i havent made any effort to practice any sense of good hygiene lately.

with the intention of killing myself at the end of the day, i do whatever i want. my mindset is so selfish that “i mean, im gonna commit suicide later, so i might as well do whatever i want right?”
i have been seeing people but only for the purpose of having a quickie and then leaving. and then it makes me feel even emptier than ever. i have destroyed potential real relationships with other people because i just rely on hookups than real connection. i am afraid of real connection because i will become too attached and lose my motivation to die. i used to absolutely DESPISE alcohol, but i have drank more alcohol than i have before. when i dont want to deal with the rest of the day, i just take a sleeping pill to sleep the rest of it, and then take another one when i wake up to relieve my sleeping schedule. 

annoyingly, i’m still here. it hurts me. i just want to die. i’m in an even deeper hole than i was from the beginning. i have no way of getting out of it so what’s the point of living? 

part of what’s stunting me from killing myself is i am afraid to hurt the ones i love the most. my parents would be absolutely devastated. my siblings and friends would be so hurt. 
another, which is a selfish reason, is that what if i do live? if i fall off a building and not die i’ll have to deal with broken bones forever. if i survive taking 100 pills my liver will be destroyed and i’ll potentially fuck up my brain living as a vegetable forever

i wish i could just die with the push of a button
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suicidewatch,Sora74u,2019/03/03,"Still alive, sadly Hey Reddit, tried to overdose two days ago but just ended up throwing it all up instead. Cursed body trying to keep me alive and such smh",1.7880000000000005,4.557609466666668,1.888333333333336,94.8825,87.66666666666666,3.0,17.5,3.1291,-0.831,124,3,23,0,4,37,27,30,0.135,0.721,0.14400000000000002,0.09,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248569115427101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070697757025855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634528309268085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245870112201258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257387514994249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29266644971900635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976233078531933,0.0,0.3579916514405316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,comeagaincharlemagne,2019/03/03,"I feel guilty about being depressed and having suicidal thoughts because my life really hasn't been that misfortunate. While other people suffer a lot more and manage to trek on despite it. Every day is a losing battle. I feel utterly alone 24/7. I have a hand full of ""friends"" I hang with on a regular basis but I'm so distant from them I'm basically just an acquaintance to them. My depression stems from feeling worthless to the people around me. Although I've never gone through any personal trauma or had terrible people put me down before. I feel like I don't deserve sympathy and at the same time I hate the idea of people pitying me. The days keep getting tougher man :/",4.405681818181818,6.645905875000004,5.357556818181821,77.37721590909092,72.28125,8.092045454545454,30.38636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.8406,544,24,91,11,11,178,95,128,0.304,0.635,0.062,-0.988,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,4,12,2,0,9,0,8,2,1,0,1,18,19,8,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,10,0,0,4,5,14,2,15,14,4,14,0,6,0,0,5,6,0,2,6,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813358373945249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906418492133433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586326893212274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067305324534225,0.0,0.14898491612647244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22583140381057315,0.0,0.3016018730053799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751713590334692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541140800140856,0.12508115923858307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527066954386982,0.0,0.09147497884956647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286074268828372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197650286053942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556240906609755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366810911183958,0.08553796083326297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587595678705705,0.0,0.14885148222022387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350367777604199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855291286450342,0.1528779578603723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600934702469725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216429322911832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915151853958883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389983776052332,0.1020937981925387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Generic_-Username,2019/03/03,Bye I'm on my way to a bridge so I can jump off. I'm so sad. Please anyone give me a reason not to. I have no friends and no family. I'm failing university. I have nothing to lose.,-3.1785714285714306,-1.6924998095238075,1.0785714285714327,98.01642857142859,106.61904761904762,4.3047619047619055,15.523809523809526,6.18269132825596,-0.5179904761904757,136,4,36,2,7,51,29,42,0.158,0.5870000000000001,0.255,0.3445,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,7,0,4,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24784619076804276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341526908938117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738543832190593,0.0,0.0,0.3400296683219848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965493001124392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401132672530212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38908987966070396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36444320524562396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281353301131282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SwimmingCampaign,2019/03/03,"I don’t want to live without my girlfriend anymore. I’m ready to go. Planning on hanging myself tonight. It’s now been 5 years since we broke up and it only gets more painful every year that passes by. I haven’t met a single person since we broke up that I could possibly envision myself being together with. In fact the idea of being with anyone else makes me feel physically sick. The idea of her being with someone else, the guy she’s with now, makes me want to put a bullet in my brain.

Nobody else has ever looked at me, or touched me, or just know how to be in my presence the way she did. There’s nobody else on the planet I’m meant to be with. I was supposed to be with her, and I lost her.

I’m not going to let this happen to myself anymore. ",1.7571428571428562,3.507290050955419,3.3644631483166565,90.91492038216565,78.4267515923567,5.504822565969063,21.405368516833484,6.18269132825596,0.21130245677888929,586,16,125,4,14,194,93,157,0.094,0.872,0.033,-0.8832,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,2,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,7,0,14,3,1,3,2,28,31,5,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,5,0,0,5,4,4,0,0,6,3,22,0,26,17,2,20,0,3,1,0,11,8,0,2,6,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28822722797566885,0.10160775456334016,0.14889257733723466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221980262641142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602234906551287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485568755185363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314459022980751,0.12243430890540485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347572265876355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592118535246789,0.0,0.16517193435522884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388487739715092,0.12850173624343758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280863071233329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798614241491216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859461982266273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283159687141172,0.0,0.12202815499195635,0.0,0.15862868789570464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399802582605247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051874467590043,0.15462559998637804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688361255717426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638210346048727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608189504153365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041244172342996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312508282483263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142131960955242,0.11534442824537018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007865063934227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871564267616269
suicidewatch,Sarahj1109,2019/03/03,"My life I really hate that I’ve wanted to kill myself since 2011 and that I’m still here. Today I wished I fell off the top of a building, it brought peace to my mind. I just want to not exist anymore. I would love that, it would make me happy.",1.902169811320757,2.823023698113208,3.38127358490566,94.42021226415095,76.16981132075472,6.054716981132076,18.910377358490567,5.985473137389443,-0.33676981132075445,188,3,45,1,4,62,40,53,0.142,0.621,0.237,0.5868,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,10,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,2,5,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,28,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608242746602696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799672578930262,0.0,0.2596570005322956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909693562284951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576392634958508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736680796818446,0.0,0.1755538320476642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265553952862742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848385291978582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175554376740261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003129007595253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492922397369681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31024717312440786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024357970884842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736537967535934,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,egruoc,2019/03/03,I need help understanding what I did Earlier this week I took a belt and wedged it at the top of the door. I grabbed a stool stood on it and put the belt around my neck. I put more and more of my weight onto the belt feeling the pressure on my neck increase until it un-wedged from the door. I don’t think I would call it an attempt but afterwards I was crying for awhile and messaged the crisis text line. I want so badly for this pain to go away but I’m too scared of failing and becoming disabled. I’ve felt like a failure my whole life and I don’t see things getting better. My friends know I’m depressed but I feel like if I tell them how I truly feel they will abandon me.,1.1463988095238091,3.0862700486111123,2.4339285714285737,95.93250000000002,81.1527777777778,5.2253968253968255,22.091269841269842,6.18269132825596,0.14303531746031695,533,17,122,4,14,171,90,144,0.249,0.599,0.152,-0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,4,4,11,0,2,11,0,6,5,2,1,0,23,22,13,0,4,4,0,6,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,8,7,1,1,7,0,0,5,2,7,0,0,5,7,21,4,14,15,4,15,0,3,1,0,7,7,0,1,5,76,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248234555501356,0.0,0.0,0.17148444430024698,0.0,0.1523973725023411,0.0,0.201580053508774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142495121188385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863743008770732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004906972054188,0.0,0.0,0.15720503004155753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768642351191226,0.13039300585101835,0.17524873873816055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410152361288972,0.0,0.09535966507635334,0.0,0.10373086423113947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233994794325415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030874286307864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891994744185534,0.17834103705644844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533697451448218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421516350774276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669679423525184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273531577325647,0.0,0.14544556909642314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953135854184622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125881146093365,0.11695205731017955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278749546824965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001074983385088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765558749526344,0.0,0.14640729962942145,0.22226135027480812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037781266981706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965764878448524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smoke-grass_eat-ass,2019/03/03,"Never been closer to ending it I am really close to just fucking ending it. I hate my mom so much because she doesn’t believe that I’m depressed. I went to a therapist and they said that I probably have depression, but my mom insists that “it’s just a vitamin deficiency or something”. She literally doesn’t believe me or a therapist that I have depression and it’s fucking up my life. Also my mom takes it personally and thinks that I’m trying to insult her. I’m so fucking mad right now and am seriously thinking about killing myself. My parents are so incredibly blind to how I feel and when I tell them they just get offended or think I’m selfish. I hate my fucking life.",3.6063568521031217,5.4214318880597006,5.540013568521035,77.0406037991859,73.40298507462687,8.753324287652646,31.58480325644505,9.339509955726095,3.1153074626865664,539,26,100,13,11,186,73,134,0.306,0.675,0.019,-0.993,1,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,11,15,10,0,3,0,8,8,0,1,1,19,26,15,1,0,7,4,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,15,0,0,3,3,22,0,7,23,1,10,0,3,1,4,14,4,4,3,5,71,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680896940595388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379501796036937,0.0,0.0,0.2727788081378631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312797778532014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444054322079092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061209885995048174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476597358539752,0.06324710981905819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390367839098255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393126121496782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710118018387245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4253403006937089,0.0,0.0,0.08899057602547207,0.0,0.09336636116276628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441909781227265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570200847610407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051955720857902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775519979436728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338172848349654,0.11515260790231405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319533322192056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101954464528804,0.0,0.10580885896779142,0.0,0.0,0.2811122316181156,0.0,0.2327046641682032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218952758941232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122207391160647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AJlucky007,2019/03/03,"I don't think I can make it. I just can't understand Algebra no matter how hard I try. I'm a C student and I'm doing alright but I'm in 8th grade and about to go into highschool. I can't understand math, and when I think I get it and I'm finally confident with myself I fail. It just gets harder in highschool and I don't even get basic math. My mom helps me, but earlier she basically gave up on me and refused to help me. I think I'm just unteachable. I'll probably be a drop out and I don't see a good future for myself. I'm in a really low point in my life right now and I just felt the need to write this. Have a good day redditors!",-0.3594871794871821,1.4489655454545485,2.898629370629372,91.26076456876459,85.85314685314684,6.890256410256409,20.022843822843825,8.021203637495839,0.8467355710955715,495,15,119,11,15,179,80,143,0.154,0.7340000000000001,0.112,-0.7754,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,6,1,9,1,0,2,0,29,29,12,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,3,20,3,14,26,0,18,0,2,1,0,7,11,0,0,5,72,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562349885794002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865702285608674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702904158996986,0.21338303148606755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053093601812147,0.0,0.11070370183625627,0.32676138549762906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449366745397155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611273938602246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375860070976313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002390322366406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281358089556195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443438975585665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413960467195192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100166717313992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478752489347185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634967968245626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522248883203166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744408892445024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224969042700535,0.0,0.0,0.4055667240642837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cbeal228,2019/03/03,"I just want to stop hurting Ok I'm new to reddit and not 100% sure how it works yet, so forgive me if this sounds weird or I post the wrong thing idk. 
So I have been severely depressed since I was 17 (im 20 now). I've had so many suicide attempts I can't even remember how many. About 2 ish years ago I got put into a residential treatment facility because it got so bad. I was doing so well until around a year ago, I was using what I learned in residential, and I was content, and now I feel like I'm back where i started. I'm in so much emotional pain I can physically feel it in my chest, and it pisses me off because i was doing SO FUCKING WELL. I feel like I've let myself down, and everyone else around me down. I haven't hurt myself yet, but it's taking literally everything in me not to. I can't even go to sleep at night until im literally about to pass out because as soon as I don't have anything distracting me (which is how I've been getting through the day) my thoughts take over and everything just gets so scary. My own thoughts scare me. I have no close friends and I've put my family through enough for the past 3 years and I don't want them to know I've been getting worse. I don't think I will ever be happy, and how would anyone be able to live like that? I don't want to hurt my family, but I feel like as long as I'm alive, I'm just in constant emotional pain. I don't know what to do.",1.3759419924337948,2.8251870393442644,3.41581967213115,91.46662988650696,78.60655737704919,6.790668348045398,23.53404791929382,7.61054688173877,0.8555321563682208,1097,36,259,16,26,373,147,305,0.146,0.7070000000000001,0.147,-0.3692,0,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,1,2,31,24,2,2,5,1,30,6,3,5,2,47,58,31,1,5,9,0,4,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,11,14,0,1,12,0,0,4,11,13,2,0,13,5,39,11,34,40,3,43,0,4,0,1,3,16,2,2,26,165,50,2,0.09249225685713064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397761008081554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467273654659443,0.0,0.07611324654239053,0.16467543620007818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112083631683938,0.07722717107155416,0.16914726389404916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995127118632977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596498539793516,0.0,0.07966344530081497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726541225695711,0.2080826796936891,0.0,0.09556922607215003,0.0,0.12218052667777,0.08366454160891305,0.0,0.08838031509557782,0.16625215305607707,0.0,0.17438693632968713,0.0,0.18706745659333046,0.19822946033868266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145928821085586,0.08550760106404623,0.14497016019218806,0.0,0.05256548105680305,0.0,0.147949014274222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845972731094328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970446218077462,0.0,0.19981501831332985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016626509743862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457959917854236,0.0,0.18074817894416326,0.0,0.08167235734154535,0.0818527367569757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187545262438754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679924510854636,0.0,0.0,0.08932959802834972,0.0,0.08679771746310536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683656496993612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829432488714219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858201484786432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596052934835747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047756967312212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260088451865507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448992337434074,0.0,0.07651055066082818,0.0,0.09255905365887897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546649545851049,0.0,0.0,0.07732766826166791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117151690094872,0.0,0.08717285748694756,0.0,0.13908533270634235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061447745606526126,0.059265303520404836,0.0,0.1468570409184296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988361316004004,0.0,0.0,0.16366298845823593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632329357612038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733546456945365,0.0,0.09425751157198377,0.06570384553881406,0.10112576319554156,0.0,0.17868594281469954
suicidewatch,CMNDR_kill215,2019/03/03,Idk what to do I'm planning on suicide in a couple days but I don't know if I should,-1.3771428571428572,-0.13910847619047395,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,86.14285714285714,4.2,20.02380952380953,3.1291,-0.6870190476190476,66,2,18,0,2,24,18,21,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6245495806217902,0.0,0.3640214510637424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102051661307782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174131189214961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inkderp,2019/03/03,"I feel suicidal, but I don't think I'm depressed? For a while now--about 6 months, maybe, I think--I'll sometimes feel like giving up. I can have a good day turn into ""I should jump off a building"" alarmingly fast if I do or say something stupid, forget something, etc. Many, if not most days I'll walk to the bus stop and hope a car will hit me, or I'll sometimes consider just stepping in front of one if it's going particularly fast.

But the thing is, I don't feel depressed--at least, I don't think so. I can get up in the morning, I like watching videos and taking care of my plants and learning ASL, I don't feel ""empty"". I'm often unfocused and unmotivated, but I attribute that to my ADHD. However, I've also noticed I have a lot of what I can only assume to be self-hate projection going on. Sometimes I'll start making an improvement in my life, but that quickly fails. I can never keep good habits, whether they're for studying, a healthy lifestyle, hygiene, whatever, so whenever I think I have depression, my brain goes, ""Nope, you're not depressed enough to have depression, you're just lazy and feel bad about your laziness.""",4.262812499999999,5.421477513392858,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,70.74107142857143,7.921428571428572,29.625,8.278499904357787,2.0314696428571426,889,35,177,13,16,288,132,224,0.18600000000000005,0.6509999999999999,0.163,-0.7746,1,0,2,0,1,0,46.0,0,1,0,1,8,14,1,1,10,0,17,2,1,2,1,41,39,19,1,5,14,0,5,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,10,1,0,7,8,8,0,1,0,7,23,6,18,35,5,25,0,5,1,0,3,8,0,10,12,106,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664446972620632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757944427514996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188170174125913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621480615718606,0.0,0.0,0.12440764250945335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738576326726136,0.0,0.4203829953216183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607939992135989,0.13608468612482735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084851897604618,0.08717119667568829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375047545722055,0.11705281577347296,0.13869369002142934,0.2046893715361666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119350934709942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845708735883247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618641790276364,0.1192257323552793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037371408377894,0.0,0.0,0.08144937626274157,0.12370924783110003,0.12258560914354627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739529404298332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410943729864106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892071308006934,0.0,0.0,0.08268398985821104,0.09280179817154016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703529535775532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729359466665685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787409639076566,0.3620430502272221,0.0,0.08636646755025612,0.0,0.0,0.10201428234219187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347020441889376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917439431404398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106474448942769,0.31274225861654714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272284941854295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freckless1627,2019/03/03,"I’ve never felt so low I tried to commit suicide when I was 12 years old after being raped. Was in the hospital for about 2 1/2 weeks. Got kicked out of my relatives house who I was staying with at the time because of the attempt. Only one person knows about the rape, my s.o. It took me forever to build myself back up from all of that. But finally I started enjoying life again even though the tough times would come along. I’m 17 now and I’m on a downward spiral. I’m so exhausted. I’m so tired. My significant other reminded me I need to get caught up with my schoolwork today before he went to sleep for work in the morning. It almost brought me to tears because I’m so tired and broken down. And I can’t use that as an excuse for school. I don’t have an excuse, I’m just so depressed I’m laying in bed and my eyes just keep filling up with tears and I don’t have a good reason, it’s just that I can’t believe I’m feeling this way. I’m not one to pity myself or complain, I just pull myself together, and wait till it goes away, but I don’t even feel real right now. I can’t even bring myself to talk I’m just so tired. I miss my dad who dropped off the face of the earth two years ago. I miss my friends and being ridiculous and stupid with them. I miss my S.O because he’s an ocean away. I’m seriously contemplating dying right now and I don’t know what to do.",1.0185592393954188,2.864303784982937,2.8685458313018053,93.134569112628,81.1160409556314,5.687420770355924,20.703193564115068,6.7097532225279775,0.21708590931253052,1071,30,243,11,28,357,155,293,0.168,0.775,0.057,-0.9834,0,3,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,2,23,17,4,0,13,0,16,10,3,2,3,41,48,22,2,2,9,1,3,0,1,1,5,0,1,1,12,16,0,2,6,0,0,8,9,14,0,3,9,4,32,3,39,36,1,47,0,6,1,2,12,17,0,2,19,151,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873904452681896,0.0,0.1228357103822115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23050392714938814,0.09432521651254612,0.0,0.2243344301834836,0.0,0.104382646330224,0.13820643583870967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566884843803748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056549966968764,0.0,0.12731149698129435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306599646457314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405069498205093,0.0,0.1177818859079597,0.13437835993559633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477409408254496,0.0,0.06408971198945695,0.0,0.0,0.10288929435403944,0.09810994588184806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415440474669966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903422197544817,0.0,0.0,0.1348318166799721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664504321223024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095782489601556,0.09461022351130756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872092716421302,0.0,0.16624795527079395,0.09329562602099896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711021103290512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396246623215443,0.0,0.12612460029191588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951803876682487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241480079230974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275801619760995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682605096109543,0.13074928622204565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418044177758345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859703782707567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052208802706145,0.0,0.14305905733697924,0.42297137868518186,0.11627627230399305,0.0,0.1362902456632709,0.08328448788924282,0.0,0.11983020444711535,0.0,0.0,0.10594699805774327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736928041250692,0.09839801407535076,0.0,0.0,0.1137157866939456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930480297210394,0.0,0.0,0.08714084053435306,0.0,0.0,0.15799017668707488
suicidewatch,Rubicongirl71,2019/03/03,"Not looking for methods to end it, but more like how to prepare so that my family doesn't have to deal with much after. I don't have a plan. I don't want to hurt, I don't want to create any horrifying mental image for anyone that would find me...I don't want to survive in horrible condition...    I no just want to sleep. Forever.
But that's not what this is about. I find I can't even take comfort in knowing that at any time if it gets too hard I can just exit. Somehow I think knowing that would be a relief.  But how does one make it easiest for their loved ones?
  I don't want them having access to my phone and conversations I've had about my struggles, or my email etc....   So closing accounts, deleting, those are all things to have ready to go.
But I know there's so much more.  What to do with my childhood keepsakes, coordinating all of the family photos and videos from the past 20 years, letters telling them that it's ok... I know they lived me even though they couldn't show it.  These are the things I've thought of.  But what am I missing? If anyone had had to go through the horror of losing a loved one, to any cause....   What could they have done to make it easier?
  I'm a 47 year old mom of 3, and my life has been in a spiral since my husband serial adultery 6 years ago. I've tried to move on in so many ways, but I was a stay at home mom and now with my youngest being 15 and my husband off in his own place and taking the current girlfriend in vacations and to do all the things we used to do, I just don't have a place. Every attempt to move on has been met with failure and I'm just so so tired. Defeated. And more and more the one thing I look forward to is just peaceful darkness.   Again I don't have a plan in place, I just think it would be theraputic to have my ducks in a row... It might even be enough of a comfort to get me through a few more years and maybe to actually new life.  I hope that makes sense, and I hope people have suggestions.",3.038715266153332,3.794978885922333,4.099233344492802,90.97713592233013,73.24757281553399,7.236156678942084,24.88650820220957,7.372421405659032,0.8511455306327416,1519,44,351,16,29,494,191,412,0.14,0.758,0.103,-0.8793,1,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,1,0,6,6,25,14,0,1,18,1,46,6,1,7,3,68,78,30,0,14,17,4,1,1,1,4,3,0,1,0,26,18,0,0,9,2,1,5,13,5,0,4,9,3,39,9,53,59,14,40,0,4,2,2,23,19,0,7,17,247,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.08459263839825512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684155167972143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768475361800707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122517031843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904998705405258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921139575741651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936904444463166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585915034430044,0.08870946261472765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677770954230853,0.0895693945117848,0.09667735527080384,0.17176505835775413,0.0,0.07303635442817087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343893259136705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845813094516512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057929352619422,0.0,0.09853084521002696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765326837700359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695272198415586,0.17219671505017967,0.0,0.0,0.0927987247631912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056054896508648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245720191411465,0.042350204172717065,0.0,0.07654497055265068,0.0,0.14558813878051552,0.09697901004009392,0.0,0.0,0.1564742719550822,0.0,0.1735899279287499,0.0878855898001679,0.08708733380468425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735869338890496,0.09195971990351033,0.0,0.20305024769920188,0.0,0.1842661425453855,0.12744777634799387,0.0,0.0,0.08372149002587824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096195225911724,0.0,0.23496161663326035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275121128424369,0.06009687841986351,0.0,0.271703997208449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170722185486715,0.0,0.08674820058237892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239531281553667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062260773884784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035356199884066,0.0,0.07576703284572303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23036023600047176,0.11108926105297252,0.08516815920150242,0.06881868136572335,0.05054706888150227,0.09963234210769717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058853830361567924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486852364752505,0.0,0.0,0.2556470561127849,0.06880699223901683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847368835308288,0.0,0.0,0.2232907301993806
suicidewatch,UnluckyRandomGuy,2019/03/03,"Don't know where to go I'm 19. Live in a middle class area with my parents and go to college. Everything in life so far has been easy, I don't have the childhood hardships that others seem to have but I just hate being here. Everything just feels useless and pointless. Not sure if this is even the sub for it but thought I should ask what the point of it all is.",1.6610714285714252,3.523493039473685,2.462706766917293,96.74394736842106,79.13157894736842,5.395488721804512,22.69924812030075,6.18269132825596,0.18873533834586492,285,9,65,2,7,89,58,76,0.14300000000000002,0.8320000000000001,0.025,-0.8818,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,2,16,19,6,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,8,15,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,2,1,45,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581157441687776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823611033319157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962808212894845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960419352187073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138273956854898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725910765663942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173705420529698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950172287557314,0.0,0.0,0.24380090021714634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065757996271695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610032529094177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513505980518905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602204934644132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219192147408035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TessDurbeyvilles,2019/03/03,"My Boyfriend is Suicidal My boyfriend told me today that he's been feeling suicidal and has been planning to kill himself. He has been practising knots and joined a forum that gives information to suicidal people to ensure they do it correctly (I had no idea that sites like this still existed). He told me that he feels he is not scared or upset but feels that it's the best option. Nothing I've said has changed his mind about this.   
Obviously, the fact that he has told me means he's still considering other options but it feels like a ticking time bomb.   
I'll admit that I didn't handle this amazingly at first and he told me so. I was very overwhelmed and immediately tried to get numbers I could call. But we eventually ended up having a chat instead and he's promised not to do anything until his GP appointment in a couple days. He's been in a very unusual mood and seems very nonchalant about everything. Even making jokes and laughing while I was trying to discuss what we can do. I'm not sure if this is a sign of some kind of manic breakdown or if this is an attention thing, which is still an issue in itself. Either way, I'm not going to brush this aside. He has a very long history of mental health issues and I'm really concerned. 

Maybe this seems obvious to everyone else here but I don't know what to do. He has said he will tell his Dad about how he is feeling (I'm not sure how true this is) and I've been keeping an eye on him, making him tea and food. But I do have a busy life and can't be here to watch him until his appointment. Do I call someone? He has been an inpatient before and this is not something that has seemed to really help but I feel like some time to reflect could be good for him. He has protested against this, though and said that if I try to get him admitted he will tell them I have misunderstood what he said and that he's been feeling down but is okay now. 

This is a lot of pressure. I feel stuck. I am mentally exhausted at the moment and very much dealing with my own demons. I feel so unequipped to deal with this and I'm worried that the price may be his life. He has been very up and down in his attitude toward me and has been quite nasty at times. He told me that I'm a terrible person and a self-centered b\*tch but has 180-ed on that so I'm guessing this is just due to his emotional state. But point is - this hard and I'm worried and overwhelmed and still trying to handle my work life. I don't know what to do or where to go other than to continue being there for him and trying to get him to do stuff that will distract him.   


All advice is welcome. I just need some guidance. Reddit might not be the best place but it's honestly helped in the past. 

Thank you.  
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suicidewatch,somethingaelic,2019/03/03,"I'm so fucking lonely and tired No one ever checks to see if I'm okay because my sister is so much worse off than I am

I'm so tired though. I'm so tired of dropping everything to make things okay for her. I've given everything I have over and over and I don't have anything left. Everything in my life is on hold just in case I need to run to her.

All I want right now is to go outside and lay down in the snow and just not wake up. ",0.8435714285714297,1.9433969795918389,2.793622448979594,96.85227040816328,79.20408163265307,6.124489795918367,20.413265306122447,6.6274283507984215,-0.04526938775510203,336,8,86,3,8,113,61,98,0.179,0.77,0.05,-0.933,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,0,1,2,7,6,1,1,2,15,18,11,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,1,1,9,2,17,17,2,16,0,1,1,1,3,11,1,1,2,55,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150155312980767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123057419317924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505241861785624,0.0,0.0,0.4919704232158531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868838452260254,0.0,0.0,0.1037005596085422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825161486568013,0.0,0.12888228391344034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217985605099696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341347037060262,0.1352974362732218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364478899708704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582635980220466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454030776633036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122338610759108,0.0,0.1792735209202576,0.0,0.0,0.629159098939293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762413627798388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859501045326842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Needathrowaway55,2019/03/03,"Having a rough night I'm having a rough night and I'm trying my best to stay safe. I would really appreciate having someone to talk to. It can be about anything, I'm not picky. I just really need the company and support. ",1.2819999999999998,3.647144311111113,3.9155555555555566,83.02000000000002,83.66666666666667,7.1555555555555586,20.11111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.320244444444444,174,5,34,4,5,61,30,45,0.0,0.727,0.273,0.9152,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,4,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351580692033047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998899608865085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188916496243634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536337223206213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661333632814388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421255156137706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30458464798048873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242797334224514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296849560423468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940138807557264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299737769738294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,destroyeddefeat2010,2019/03/03,"can prescription pills really lead to suicide? what if people dont have guns or know how to hang themselves???????????????????????????????????????????/

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why does someone have to try eighty times until you finally die. WHY IS IT SO HARD",15.062666666666665,18.42046015555556,7.0422222222222235,71.29000000000002,47.444444444444436,8.666666666666668,43.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,4.562555555555557,277,13,29,3,3,64,34,45,0.238,0.762,0.0,-0.9298,0,0,0,1,0,1,78.0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,5,6,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,16,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212713521943547,0.584588826162906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624131949760631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262670154459652,0.0,0.0704806619886255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587765424246204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053871357117646214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0330499784503372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041691746743927054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038525600472788864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050954279583824064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657806268342683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03506663989653882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040829391723173424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085294181254324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.584588826162906,0.0
suicidewatch,CynicSquid,2019/03/03,"I’m Going Through Hell, In Need of Kind Words & Support Buckle up kiddos, this is one helluva ride.

This mostly started back in September ‘18. I got an apartment with a girl I met through work. We were basically joined at the hip ever since we met and became close friends very quickly. I was in a bad living situation (mentally abusive *now ex* bf,) and she was homeless, so I suggested we find a place together since we got along so well.

Fast forward a bit to December ‘18. I started really eating it with bills, because I’d been covering a pretty large portion of her rent/utilities/etc. on top of my portion. I mentioned it to her several times, and even gave an ultimatum of me signing my name off the lease. She begged me not to, and said she’d improve- so I didn’t.


Right before Christmas, my bank account was met with a lot of fraudulent activities. I lost $5k that I didn’t have to begin with. Bank told me to call the police, police said the bank should handle it. So I now owe my bank $5k.


Right after Christmas I lost my job, and since I was an independent contractor I couldn’t claim unemployment. While I was frantically looking for a new job, my roommate would just stay home from work, or take my car without asking to drive 30-45 mins one way to her job, and back. She never helped with gas/car payments/insurance. We started falling out and talking a lot less, she avoided talking about finances at all.


In the beginning of February, we got evicted. She’d attempted suicide 2 days before we were supposed to move out. And her parents were too busy with their trip to Hawaii to come help out. So I ended up packing all of her stuff and cleaning up the mess from her attempt. (She slit her throat in bed.) While packing her things I noticed a lot of my things tucked away under her things. Stuff that I thought I’d misplaced or maybe sold to Plato’s Closet and forgot about. I never mentioned it to her, but that hurts, because we were so close at one point. She literally could have asked me for any of what she stole and I probably would have said yes.


We still owe that complex $2k. And I can’t fathom her being responsible enough to even confess to me that she can’t make the payment let alone make payments to them.


I ended up moving back in with my mom, and got myself a job shortly after. However, this isn’t a good living situation for me either, as my mom and I have a very strained relationship. And most 12 year olds these days have more freedom than I do. So I’ve been desperately trying to save up to move out & in with my current bf (22M.)


Last Wednesday (2/27/19) I crashed my car on my way to work due to snow and the roads being icy. Thankfully I had full coverage and my dad is letting me borrow his car, but my deductible is $2k. And the day after I got a letter from my bank, with notice of default/intent to repo. my car, if I can’t pay $615 before 3/19/19.


I started speaking with a lawyer about filing to claim bankruptcy, because I’m in so deep at this point I’d rather have that on my credit report than have my credit keep plummeting like it has been. The fees for this total out to roughly $1.6k, which to me is definitely worth the $10k’s of debt I’m drowning in.


My depression hasn’t been this bad in years, and my anxiety is at its all time high. I’ve had more suicidal thoughts than I can count, and I just feel so overwhelmed and helpless. I don’t want pity, I’m mainly just venting, because this has been the hardest few months of my life I’ve ever experienced. 


I really just need kind words, because it seems all my friends have to say is “That sucks, I’m sorry. Hang in there.” And I really need more than that right now. I feel so alone, and tired of life. I feel like I’m taking hit after hit after hit, and I desperately just want to catch a break. I’m on antidepressants and anti anxiety medications, but they only help so much. And I’ve consulted with my doctor about this, she doesn’t seem to take me too seriously.


So there’s my rant, any kind words/words of advice would be greatly appreciated.  


I sincerely hope you’re all doing well, thanks for reading.


Also- I’m not going to hurt myself, I’m well past that. The thoughts just are there. There’s a line between thinking and planning.",3.3197848680108066,4.933292461719674,4.470548569251027,85.24864555186033,73.73498233215548,7.302715998060001,26.97292662648098,7.9785057094961775,1.6123998337144043,3336,123,674,49,68,1093,368,849,0.106,0.77,0.124,0.9688,14,3,0,0,0,3,127.0,9,0,3,9,45,37,2,4,32,1,58,8,2,3,10,123,126,49,3,14,17,5,4,2,4,4,5,5,4,1,32,56,1,3,12,1,18,17,15,17,3,3,38,11,108,20,112,72,24,113,2,8,1,0,71,49,2,11,47,444,140,17,0.0,0.06712618933314225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536201535086092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173537263482202,0.0,0.045306496144105125,0.0,0.12277001830955787,0.0,0.07705385750491496,0.0,0.08668090833908211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592841591288152,0.0,0.05322866544582575,0.130691189211647,0.0946081003306294,0.17267995502852754,0.0,0.1446261422590134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061851921790951336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785046771773637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880274146399848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045233921333611725,0.0,0.0,0.10961218619720807,0.0,0.04879634409189966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057988170007079474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797158594365226,0.0,0.0,0.10035794931182332,0.05853913074439264,0.06318462205832,0.07483938208528622,0.10249428066345034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593848733747211,0.04047390836668127,0.0,0.0,0.05178108714182862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754208414994269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439599219738375,0.04751901535784997,0.22655846044950226,0.06246166626439465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392273251904228,0.05985847480526039,0.05682897365284306,0.056270593716870085,0.0,0.0,0.12129939498721548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248829652518644,0.05035702597739829,0.0,0.17699049054990554,0.0,0.04618089035842176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158659068325002,0.08003334389515906,0.05535694759647442,0.0,0.1000537307063686,0.0,0.04757541980360292,0.0,0.12368992090440625,0.1444966121588595,0.0,0.0,0.0756344920592549,0.0,0.05691695079062103,0.0,0.0,0.057073338752126834,0.057094301036941485,0.0,0.0,0.1327058764049251,0.045220994511608964,0.18064395548877996,0.041647496242344866,0.12602553954576814,0.0873907181941313,0.054717164020746174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900279968291145,0.059449253230812765,0.0,0.1151714450369422,0.0430882174238376,0.0,0.0,0.06290799679095925,0.0,0.054083026942733696,0.0,0.0,0.059191780492486565,0.0,0.10711342393250314,0.0,0.0,0.057637883433696475,0.061083015878455486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056669722645502026,0.0,0.1088827610921732,0.0,0.0,0.060825613794677436,0.0,0.1451476214957122,0.16167389916214658,0.0450538457932972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031520598487104,0.0,0.06400333598248728,0.0,0.14059529346021007,0.12736381878551836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341995254326767,0.16040107865390468,0.060386042872781966,0.04524426996595447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297114468738137,0.12394141710432975,0.06429073170646753,0.0,0.0,0.12779115428501805,0.09107330717268898,0.0,0.10431950325012747,0.0,0.0,0.112915980232789,0.036301846252975965,0.0,0.13493177467872902,0.06607126217897484,0.06511588844384968,0.0,0.054135698626509306,0.0,0.03846461270753408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093491612074036,0.06683245554478491,0.08993923732013748,0.0,0.0,0.15281730472223345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461281136413335,0.0,0.12373521455085865,0.0,0.0,0.12073696196416693,0.0,0.0,0.07296714084314056
suicidewatch,AsAnotherThrowAway,2019/03/03,Waiting until my 20th birthday to end it How can I put this without looking like a pussy? I'm 18M and I cant take life anymore. I'm giving it a chance for two more years or until I get a chance to go to my designated spot where itll be ended but itll happen sooner or later. Either way no one will miss me and I'll miss no one. Hoping for that one fateful day where it all ends painfully or no I'll be thankful.,-0.472258064516133,1.375961827956992,2.374634408602152,94.60195161290324,86.63440860215053,4.150107526881721,18.97741935483871,4.935628992294339,-0.4939109677419351,322,9,75,1,10,113,62,93,0.18600000000000005,0.6779999999999999,0.136,-0.6,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,1,12,20,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,4,0,1,6,3,8,15,3,13,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,4,9,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326937532749084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321849296174667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5446122385618057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708531618686316,0.19662030279407566,0.1164858578900635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812491334573467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035756623797818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477225065284172,0.1001351374660951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211827634601626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166670664362109,0.0,0.21809632170852924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060455964573568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541075433392842,0.0,0.0,0.18870346454961615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002202059211428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626910132093573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757814008175925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199020170145986
suicidewatch,My-Goat-Floats,2019/03/03,I am at my limit I made a new account specifically for this because I don’t want my family or people I know to see. I have pretty much reached my limit. There has been so much going on and I just need to talk about it. people in my life have heard me talk about it again and again but they never really seem to actually hear me. I want to explain everything but I’m not sure anyone will listen. I’m even in a mental health outreach program and I can’t get anywhere with that. I don’t know what to do.,0.6889634664401001,2.69864938317757,3.0914868309260832,90.22350042480885,83.2056074766355,5.760067969413765,19.073067119796097,6.980632752743323,0.23953084112149536,392,10,86,5,11,135,69,107,0.026,0.8959999999999999,0.079,0.2516,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,8,1,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,1,2,21,26,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,3,4,16,1,13,22,2,9,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,4,62,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.1971757235294904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128097385372418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317034680410754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334548738521353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159325972017987,0.0,0.1904786893799917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556496449332772,0.0,0.1148320413107012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214774134529414,0.2277297347561445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208737562642825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271683592097592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911885413850476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036230799949081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29706612761422874,0.14982060704404115,0.15583663236495698,0.19514517673632528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801578413599835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055617309609064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944107537453878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101101367210158,0.1839425279996272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043366427667274,0.0,0.0,0.32480697679136894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23835356934918506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helllohowareu,2019/03/03,Can someone please talk to me I really need someone to talk to. Thank you ,-0.718,1.0171638666666674,1.3066666666666684,94.60000000000002,110.33333333333334,4.666666666666667,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.3643333333333332,58,2,12,1,3,19,11,15,0.0,0.7140000000000001,0.28600000000000003,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547997842318861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37720624101196987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014033133960373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.582318866057733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5523989605723849,0.0,0.3163714317167061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elyu39,2019/03/03,"I'm tired of my life. I'm done I'm hurt, betrayed, lied and used.
I don't know what i did wrong. I am doing my best everyday for my son. But his father doesn't care about me and our son.
He does not give me any money. No pic up my call. Mostly he ignores my call. He ruined my life and my son's life. 
I can't see the future. I just want to ruin his life like he did. I want to be dead and everyone would blame him. He deserves to be hurt. I'm tired of everything. ",-2.3447798742138346,-0.5730808867924537,0.7471320754717006,102.29252201257864,98.43396226415095,3.95874213836478,12.727044025157232,5.6839178017228535,-1.2806231446540877,350,6,93,3,15,122,62,106,0.34,0.5870000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,1,0,14,22,5,1,3,3,4,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,19,3,8,16,2,3,0,4,1,0,16,1,0,1,3,50,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164677423284774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973462753243322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34976644056017303,0.0,0.17461858462587854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987730391495596,0.1752660691306952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636533926416914,0.15392414505531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642953487787892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666907053698143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412411417018653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48388507344350606,0.08367262740020459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647798746582082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936934898442646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479200916627095,0.0,0.0,0.20203596454786005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166348604216053,0.18725407589386087,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleaaseletmego,2019/03/03,"What is the closest thing to committing suicide that won't result in death. Since there aren't any subreddits I can ask for help with ending my misery and all of the methods I find online that I can do are too painful and there's a very high chance I would fail or my parents would find out what I'm doing and come help me, I'm wondering what the closest thing to committing suicide is.  
There is a very high chance all of my problems could be solved if I waited 4 years, but that's way, way too long.  
There are also fun things I could do to distract myself from my problems, yet they all cost a lot of money, which I don't have.  
Anyways, what is the closest thing to committing suicide that won't kill me because there is nowhere I can go to find methods and I can't ask for them without getting someone in trouble.  
Also, if I do end up killing myself, what will happen to me? Where will I go when I die?  
Also, if I can ask for methods here, please tell me.",4.0500815850815854,4.558455904040407,4.6530303030303015,88.83031468531469,70.76767676767676,7.102408702408702,28.86713286713287,6.67199483983844,1.2699179487179486,751,27,161,5,13,240,98,198,0.193,0.6829999999999999,0.124,-0.9683,1,0,3,0,0,5,18.0,0,0,2,1,15,9,2,1,7,0,28,1,0,1,6,32,40,13,7,9,6,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,4,0,2,3,6,8,0,0,0,0,25,1,19,31,4,21,0,1,0,0,9,10,0,6,6,121,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657433418890481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532602511594738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106593274854775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752313278368884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541680710819052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768784382664339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495967571977785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962151060371035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037197822570516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057871698016122276,0.0,0.12590399190117307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795175931332956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849088484132653,0.23406490590277024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450967174982424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802617705146416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417097589568686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178649409440828,0.0,0.122994733805961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215899795565323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197999553579394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162841809005473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385335039710543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634865767925251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681609722772434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943572972091405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827903688993128,0.0,0.17584493414502164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677638040911328,0.12012314977472945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573727904754742,0.0,0.0,0.07133094775220936
suicidewatch,chrysalis_90,2019/03/03,"Reasons I should be dead I'm 28. I'm female. Im 90lbs overweight. It's all in my stomach and face. I have 45% body fat. Im pale. My double chin and stretch marks are visible. Im short. I have self harm scars all over my legs. I had a tooth pulled and you can see it. Im slightly incontinent so I smell bad. I have a big nose with a raised birthmark on it that looks like a witch's nose.  My hair is black, thin and frizzy with cowlicks and won't grow past my chin. But somehow I have lots of body hair in the strongest of places including my face. I live in poverty and in awful debt. I have no car and carry a plastic bag to work everyday. My clothes and shoes are falling apart and I try to be trendy which makes everything so much worse.

The ONLY reason I'm alive is because I believe in God and that He is a good father who created me. Fortunately that is stronger than the world and its opinions. Fortunately my faith has made the inner me strong and beautiful enough to fight every fucking day until my time does come. Stay strong.",0.8559034267912757,3.1365071682242984,2.168808411214954,95.39486370716513,84.7943925233645,5.248909657320874,21.533489096573206,6.6274283507984215,0.3003059190031152,810,27,181,9,24,259,133,214,0.14300000000000002,0.722,0.135,-0.4131,1,0,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,1,0,3,3,10,2,0,10,1,18,15,13,4,2,26,27,16,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,15,2,0,2,0,1,5,2,5,0,0,2,9,23,5,16,21,6,26,1,0,3,1,6,15,1,3,6,99,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004750597564308,0.08764491776376851,0.0,0.0,0.1619870613743945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194069154103841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385086217887795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927240516863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581992451126936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485597242368744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211380375211546,0.0,0.12921719169909046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291920586069467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059304140327025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6212138622238919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024201388842019,0.0,0.12695742534605714,0.0,0.12073618375609027,0.0,0.0,0.12223377526857104,0.0,0.1360449525543476,0.0959720373384198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569238863376312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934862914678584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372510911306551,0.0,0.0,0.1502160089368208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956527059586503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457138360417235,0.0,0.14999041344259467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324679001653735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383732696808915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761491474242294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467112122732727,0.0,0.1465207002494342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,200bpm_crashDJI,2019/03/03,"Females reading this, please take note I suppose this situation could easily be the reverse, so I'd say this is relevant to men as well:

If someone tells you they like you and you're not interested in them at all, YOU NEED TO TELL THEM THAT. Responding to being told someone is interested in you by saying ""I can't handle a relationship right now. I need time, but let's chat and maybe hang out"" when you really mean ""I'm searching for my next boyfriend ASAP but it's not going to be you"" is a really dishonest and crooked thing to do.

I am not interested in talking to you simply to fulfill your vain attention requirements. I was interested in talking to you because I got enjoyment out of you as a person. 

If you knowingly lead someone on and then throw them away the second you find someone else you prefer, you may be complicit in a suicide.",4.627545454545455,5.99442334545455,6.0779545454545465,75.97693181818181,70.0909090909091,9.621212121212123,31.931818181818183,9.928628108626363,3.2985454545454544,672,30,125,17,12,228,103,165,0.138,0.774,0.08800000000000001,-0.8981,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,14,4,2,4,8,0,0,6,0,14,0,0,1,1,25,23,13,1,6,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,6,6,0,1,5,2,0,4,4,1,1,1,3,2,25,7,23,13,1,20,0,0,0,0,30,11,0,3,6,92,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298525144940527,0.0,0.0,0.09277214291669708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150940779290755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713320399158035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909670105919508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649171512714425,0.0,0.12171831912010722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836383199617738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562212281763696,0.0,0.07435116966824278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289289055749913,0.16577690191518482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22569034072237554,0.0,0.0,0.1618532295542738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328843343082231,0.0,0.16705627383719038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522287751189637,0.0,0.19499053555538415,0.0,0.0,0.16339251811315905,0.0,0.12996737117127338,0.0,0.24205136144447603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106522868902746,0.0,0.0,0.5157922079322957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646852350351354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442612844921494,0.2446452417573634,0.2660373249393124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110667307432647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887418081696538,0.0,0.0,0.14542176505211785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683492129986316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abrilismelting,2019/03/03,"I interrupted my SO’s suicide attempt... I’m not suicidal, I’m actually trying to gain some understanding. I walked in on my SO [30m] with a gun in his mouth a week ago (with our five year old daughter in the house w/us)...I tried to talk the gun out of his hands, that didn’t work so I tried to wrestle it away from him (stupid move I know, but it was instinct). My father was able to get the gun from him. He is now an inpatient in his VA’s mental ward. I find myself very angry at him. I’ve even considered walking away from him for good because the fear of him doing this again is almost more than I can bare, but I’ve resolved to see it through w/him. My logical mind knows that it’s an illness that he can’t control, but my heart only knows that he made the choice to leave his daughter with no answers, no closure, no choice (who, thank goodness, is oblivious to what took place). I’m having anxiety at the thought of facing him...I don’t know what to say or how what I may or may not say will affect him. I’m feeling more and more like he’s porcelain and could break at the slightest touch. Will he be his normal self? How do I conduct myself in a way that shows I disapprove of nor understand his actions, but that I’m here for him. I want to forgive him, but I’m afraid he may think he’s done nothing to be forgiven of and that would not go over well w/me. Is that wrong of me? When is a good time to speak out to him about how badly his actions have broken me mentally? Should I never? I can’t shut my mind off. ",2.7090338164251238,3.4405458024691384,4.144036500268385,90.44229468599035,74.0,7.239720880300593,25.50670960815889,7.423996415210882,0.9825922168545356,1176,37,273,13,23,391,168,324,0.163,0.745,0.092,-0.9767,0,0,0,3,0,1,47.0,1,0,0,5,13,13,1,2,13,0,27,5,4,6,1,51,49,18,2,5,10,3,3,1,0,7,1,3,0,1,17,8,0,1,14,1,0,7,12,5,1,1,7,7,39,8,44,32,4,35,0,0,1,0,34,17,0,7,10,175,56,1,0.11526021489857664,0.0,0.11247734325512508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217122610417048,0.0,0.11541645591737733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817374891632968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658153206294625,0.0,0.09623746501791887,0.0702615571955356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927413178375613,0.0920259027874678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795121733311742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612828489553372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969978600807686,0.0582790278346829,0.08234192055362304,0.0,0.0,0.10534574830244636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021870509457133,0.0,0.06550503629955577,0.2900243993192085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658390961111094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299481286028006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337599917291626,0.0,0.0,0.12204392531636415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631031898110865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906200221243974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232310374251804,0.0,0.23275992010744856,0.0,0.0,0.12250336765594153,0.0,0.0,0.08889578329664112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112930538539814,0.1105952847803704,0.0,0.12094620668098305,0.0,0.0,0.08766058725456842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042239268279176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833190981872579,0.0,0.0,0.09184746848383687,0.0,0.12024154145804253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521519352183333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264179475613328,0.0,0.10611612018036197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385409170351112,0.0,0.09150373593853063,0.06720915820545505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805833972562264,0.23476236011076546,0.0,0.0,0.2399798971584349,0.13864384690703901,0.0,0.0,0.09510174831753776,0.06798346103637556,0.09148819366509152,0.0924547920026506,0.0,0.10363277538915816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391080918869788,0.0,0.0,0.08187754968682825,0.126018951139931,0.0,0.0742237994400979
suicidewatch,Feckoff666,2019/03/03,"Honestly im not as suicidal as i was, but its so difficult to feel joy or any positive emotion that it doesn't seem worth suffering so much for so little. Existing is so overrated. 95% of the time I'm bored and sad out of my mind, also sort of angry. In a way the boredom is what kills me the most. I need mental stimulation, and my depression makes me feel nothingness. My quality of life has diminished so much over the past 6 years that I don't know if I'll make it to 30, 25, or even 18. I don't have real friends. Every night and weekend I exist alone without feeling any happiness, joy, or excitement. I haven't lived for at least 5 years. I found someone I cared about for 2 months, but they were stolen from me and I still think about them every fucking day 7 months later. I try my absolute best to make friends, go outside, and convince myself I'm normal, but my two friends don't care about me as much as I wish they would. I always put in the effort. I never get texted first. They don't really care about me. I am always everyone's last resort, yet I am kind to everyone. Before this year I didn't have any friends. I want true friends. I want to start a band, but I realise that it's unrealistic for now, I can't find anyone that wants to start a blackened death metal band with me yet alone actual friends. I wish someone really cared about me as much as I cared about them. I can relate to some parts of society yet 99% of society can't relate to me. I wish someone was really happy to have me in their life. The only people who love me are my parents, but they don't even truly understand me. I need more than that. I realize that it's really hard to like me. Most people my age actually have some options for friends. I have to take whatever I can get. If this is the best I'm gonna get out of life then is it really worth it? The main reasons I chose to exist in this utter piece of shit world is music, my hope of making my own music, my parents, my dogs, to observe other human beings because they are interesting creatures, and maybe some small hope for a better future. I sound spoilt and maybe my expectations are too high, but I don't want to suffer and live without happiness or meaning for 60 more years. I'm not here to list all my problems, because I would have to write a whole series, I just want to talk about what's on my mind now. I envy people who have others. Why am I not worth someone who truly understands me? I feel as if I am meant to live and die alone. I am not meant to have true friends, I am not meant to experience joy or excitement, and I am not meant to feel true happiness and contentment. Im not as suicidal as I was 2-3 years ago, so don't worry about me.",3.676617481203007,4.335426569642856,5.181296992481201,84.16317669172935,71.69642857142857,8.68045112781955,26.52255639097744,8.916525866297963,1.8200000000000005,2109,66,453,39,38,713,238,560,0.183,0.611,0.206,0.9662,2,3,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,8,5,26,46,3,0,13,0,45,6,1,6,5,95,96,42,5,20,24,2,6,1,8,3,3,1,0,1,23,14,0,0,19,3,3,2,23,10,0,2,10,7,78,36,68,82,20,44,0,4,0,2,27,13,2,18,29,302,101,0,0.0,0.0,0.1139137240072862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173799680490849,0.0,0.0,0.18134892943893696,0.0,0.04667532270759405,0.09713048673502783,0.0,0.0,0.11907278109084647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040810911137969516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115882544042668,0.0,0.049665224168758015,0.0,0.12250317287142028,0.0516200432097134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975404760989456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764128472266366,0.0,0.05027060799837543,0.0,0.0605747627515871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565396953793276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710047360442736,0.0,0.09835185754178584,0.11154255651800796,0.0,0.0570932131142492,0.0,0.0,0.14755818594316147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053345527864426666,0.049646146789594406,0.0,0.06399537990409161,0.3607478287614673,0.05395848846030467,0.09148158313972167,0.0,0.03317078093314076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485270546150849,0.052284531784648605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166695432446138,0.0,0.11594134811612684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609073609467464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457340550367675,0.060779277187362576,0.03207646402883321,0.04757613463524942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367703767444535,0.028514712161304457,0.05849813246848596,0.15461491947969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052677654247570864,0.0,0.15583921181907634,0.0,0.11727311850533124,0.06357775758198125,0.0,0.0,0.058819267709151635,0.0,0.11786617878649858,0.0,0.09317447569877076,0.0,0.17162309977728715,0.08655539828089655,0.04501550903854447,0.0,0.0,0.054772600071024996,0.057186353388696376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439002404325787,0.0,0.0,0.12961722053133665,0.06320476284929694,0.05571701522727539,0.12139104569223913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584844362715128,0.0,0.05867401816944786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643336222525674,0.18695398540297745,0.06001003774972565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313427533744576,0.0,0.0,0.059911929051542676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781351671882466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262360528834768,0.0,0.046611216515475284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768600824440055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043884018651228436,0.04691243380212468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037398619026944496,0.0,0.0,0.03403372304594949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039626728256282745,0.0,0.057015166555811486,0.12152226831227747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721290927007407,0.04632826728246675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266629722318493,0.06516362945370753,0.2013542898540103,0.11252561161569964,0.0,0.0,0.059273574213573876,0.0,0.08292315881130337,0.0,0.0,0.1879291677661096
suicidewatch,redhair-redeyes,2019/03/03,"Tonight? It’s 8pm. I haven’t heard from the one I love the most all damn day after our fight last night. I’m just waiting for the text to tell me it’s over. If I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me, then I have no reason to be here anymore. I’ll give it until 3am. And then I’m gone.",-2.169710144927535,-0.4013720289855041,0.5681159420289852,104.64463768115944,95.3768115942029,3.066666666666667,13.46376811594203,3.1291,-1.73211884057971,226,4,61,0,9,77,51,69,0.155,0.726,0.12,-0.1226,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,4,0,3,1,0,1,2,8,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,1,7,2,8,8,3,11,0,1,0,1,6,1,1,2,9,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31201775538105336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301734925107837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290338851091305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28459112400404346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018114531090089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782167638140711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564566805003676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28395615676749025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29524885332281525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319414627539995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234809888610385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749910919888953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090190498075088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LORDSEASAWGA,2019/03/03,"Im really considering it and i have been for some time My friends, my family and everyone else avoids me i have nothing, no money, no job, nothing, i tried talking to them but they just ignore me like i'm a piece of dog shit on their shoe, everyone is either annoyed by me or makes bullshit excuses as to why they don't want to hang out or talk i'm seriously considering it.",0.892582972582975,3.2676443766233767,3.6843290043290047,83.88617604617605,85.75324675324674,7.578066378066379,24.139971139971138,8.515128840125781,1.99665772005772,295,12,61,8,9,104,57,77,0.245,0.662,0.093,-0.936,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,4,0,1,7,2,1,1,0,5,2,2,1,0,13,9,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,12,2,9,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,3,2,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492966709362008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459419783309057,0.0,0.0,0.2199767428352874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028164032005076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520524634657331,0.0,0.23155874257118444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400049944789932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557594890002999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478013241507181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948667613511488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395251193884232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37510747809800604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360652495231862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842582548782627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763282916127126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105574186949791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kareemsmith,2019/03/03,"I'm giving up Trigger warning
Hi .. 
before i start talking about everything i want you to know that i'm not an open person at all. 
Everything happens to me, i keep it inside of me, i don't share at all. Because i believe that i'm a strong person and i don't need anyone and no one can help me .. 
and me posting and writing about me right now means i have reached my maximum desperation level. 
Suicide is easier for me than talking about what's on my mind.  But here i am talking ..
I have attempted suicide on 1st April 2018
I hanged myself with the belt and i passed away for few minutes, the house was empty
My brother got home and he managed to save me. 
Before doing this attempt i was thinking all the time in every way that i could have a reason that i'm not seeing to be alive, even after attempting suicide i still think that i should do it again.
To be honest my mom gonna travel in April again and the house gonna be empty and i'm preparing myself for committing suicide again and for the last time. 
The reason is 
I have nothing, no life no help no reason no job no college i can go to 
Really nothing and if you wanna know why and how, it's simple. It's because i live in Iraq. 
I been living in Iraq since the day i was born and that is my curse  
I been trying to leave since the moment i started walking. 
Iraq passport is before the last worst passport in the world. 
Baghdad the capital is the worst city in the world to live in since 2016, i guess. 
There's no chance for me here, i tried and believe me when i say it
I tried everything to leave to run away to work to find new ways 
But there's always a close road for me. I can't find another place to live in 😔
I have no life here. No father. He left us since i was 9 years old. 
When i was 9 i was scared and sad because that happened so i started to listen to English music, basically Eminem and i fell in love with him even tho i don't know what he was saying
So i promised myself to learn the language and understand every song he makes. That's how i speak english now. 
Also it is my curse to be honest because English made me what i am now. 
Open minded guy who thinks and knows many things 
Who knows how stupid and ignorant his community is 
Who knows how everyone around is so dumb and not humans at all because no one here talk about emotions. No one care no one thinks about the other
I learned a lot because of my English language
And i believed when i was a kid 
Me knowing the language and getting better at it will be my ticket out of here. So i kept focusing on it for years 
Every day, every hour in every song.
Till the moment came and i found out that it's not even my ticket and i can't leave because i only speak English 💔
I can't stand spending another year in this place at all. 
I can't be myself 
I can't even do my hobbies and find what i'm really good at because there's no right places for such things here. 
I'm giving up and i don't know
It's the end of the line for me here 
I thought about sharing because i thought maybe nothing is changing because i keep everything inside of me. 
So here i am .. lost and don't know how to live like a human and at a least have a home. 💔",1.7899616282084525,3.449255968421056,3.4319276639875547,90.8787030075188,78.03759398496241,5.909515167228416,23.495592429349237,6.647476241863616,0.6117337308789215,2469,80,535,22,58,820,248,665,0.141,0.775,0.084,-0.9873,1,0,0,0,0,4,44.0,1,2,0,7,45,20,2,1,28,0,52,3,0,11,6,98,103,46,4,6,7,3,0,1,0,4,2,7,2,6,31,36,0,4,26,5,1,8,27,8,0,4,18,8,85,12,72,74,10,86,0,2,1,1,39,41,1,3,34,367,116,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043064586624430384,0.04480830573018341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293483643193795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765383753066317,0.0,0.0,0.04793876408416299,0.0,0.0,0.10118948358767918,0.0,0.0,0.3282704033424278,0.0,0.1374695807784474,0.18201474539671247,0.0,0.04762679063384091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159114269580512,0.054904634243278884,0.0,0.05696716652483176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299560304637342,0.0,0.0,0.06945881774611751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057507253065032,0.04769595940329114,0.0,0.0,0.14227218288872204,0.0,0.2268587469290685,0.051456892088060965,0.19359105226006146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765638280438484,0.0,0.0,0.0590447890142749,0.0,0.0,0.02813489965094269,0.1033174796588576,0.03060473685086767,0.04516762335089613,0.04306952545830284,0.0,0.059322894515452626,0.05332090862468921,0.0952404374983458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219031559997661,0.0,0.108033790601075,0.0,0.05303233998342114,0.12427353620585245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534387602312287,0.0957304003582506,0.0,0.0,0.2663556726079861,0.08779142606428796,0.0,0.17106114718295032,0.058509216595624886,0.0,0.07607303950527072,0.0263088548874972,0.0,0.2377568847631169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587846751204772,0.045782153413200015,0.048602586397270234,0.05095507256688752,0.03594592842404532,0.054596412790006606,0.05410051904974022,0.058659473356588165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874822008709817,0.0630695837947118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399297983479532,0.0,0.05200958472532817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501432159375628,0.0,0.056507515111586026,0.0,0.14596319420151693,0.04095607539014195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940411478053707,0.16878834882961602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051574325957541634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899659719210988,0.16610324165501264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197683704268562,0.0,0.0856488764329934,0.05391419703338269,0.0,0.04291223640441296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818425493028578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143479423630386,0.0,0.04300543959547559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356168032181201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313342057778713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155235894577265,0.1380220617913701,0.0,0.08550328089167104,0.06280184599669428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968378401963168,0.0,0.0,0.05606073988300342,0.0647760644109541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0317626865469518,0.08548875781938411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859210793601721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920413420457692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040347419798856
suicidewatch,rfvhujm,2019/03/03,"Just another voice into this void. I feel absolutely fucked, 24/7. It's excruciating. I'm totally paralysed in my dysfunction. I'm certain I'm doomed, that my life is as good as over. I just want this to end.",0.8266666666666679,3.3887541463414657,3.4798780487804883,82.2845325203252,92.90243902439023,7.611382113821138,23.90650406504065,8.344100000000001,2.2097284552845533,164,7,33,5,6,57,31,41,0.318,0.557,0.125,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,7,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,6,7,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918750981967705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154688749068466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718278349402525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336602677900575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934451029098735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33132764839423723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766776852542002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,russianspy95,2019/03/03,Help! u/draconicdust talked about how they put a gun in their mouth at one point and wants to commit suicide.  Please help them!,2.3912499999999994,5.245158958333335,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,84.41666666666666,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.5115666666666665,101,2,21,1,3,29,23,24,0.207,0.479,0.314,0.3786,0,0,0,1,0,2,4.0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4876903032787701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651795000498256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993393538529267,0.3439053188581453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657160030477072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979343671793579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924058777397117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145766243891646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigmemeroni,2019/03/03,"I didn't realize I was being a prick, now my brain is screaming I should kill myself Earlier today I got a bit upset because my boyfriend had to go while I wanted to speak to him. He said he was in a hurry so I pressed my goodbye and basically shoo-ed him off.

I didn't realize I was being rude when doing that, so he called me out on it, which is fine. I owned up to it despite the air being weird, I think we're okay.

Except.. Not to my brain.

Now, it's pushing those invasive thoughts like ""You're pathetic. Well done. You're driving the only person who semi-cares about you away"", and as usual it gradually gets worse and worse until it screams to me ""You should die. Go die"". After that it'll just keep repeating ""Die. Die. Die. Die."" over and over and over

It happens every time I do something negative, and it gets so tiring

Sometimes I want to blow my brains out to make the thoughts stop",1.4895628415300557,3.5552927377049213,3.2056010928961736,90.18796448087431,80.63934426229507,6.033879781420765,22.73497267759563,7.1686216300943375,0.7798939890710388,693,23,147,9,18,230,110,183,0.239,0.711,0.05,-0.9897,0,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,0,0,10,11,3,1,6,1,17,5,4,1,0,23,31,13,7,4,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,0,1,13,8,0,2,5,0,0,4,4,7,1,0,11,5,24,4,23,14,2,26,0,0,0,0,12,11,1,0,12,100,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549530150210426,0.0,0.0,0.06844779506127148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258596158985025,0.0,0.0,0.37604104213701534,0.11465537380665156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6992036061939104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490637374825648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460481882955543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173283869498487,0.0,0.12762812209342933,0.0,0.08980444237249663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929311142668662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980392320077483,0.12422653687628225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485670012589265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495100127834724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539767905588999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804278952303597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680859391756548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644235404166023,0.111052575908676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387515235935502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194759033435548,0.0,0.1782832380851135,0.06547419201491685,0.12905490352661125,0.10643289731285674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366588558660478,0.0,0.13245701331736046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095755423875792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22885568539042325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,placidreams,2019/03/03,"I thought my life couldn’t possibly get any worse, but today it did. I want to end it but I know that I can’t. Why must I always suffer? I think I figured out today that I was molested as a kid. I’m still not exactly sure, but after having 3 nightmares within the last 6 months of getting molested, I started thinking a lot. I’ve been thinking all day and the more I think, the more it makes sense. I don’t know what the fuck to do. If this is true I want this person dead or at least to rot in prison for the rest of their disgusting existence. I feel sick. Disgusted. I was so attached to this person when I was a kid. How could they do that to a child? 

I used to watch a lot of strange porn that made me feel disgusting, confused, and guilty. I now realize my mind was just trying to deal with the fact that this person, no I should say this monster, did this to me. So many things that once did not make sense make sense now. As if I wasn’t damaged enough... how is anyone going to want me now? I was troubled enough with anxiety, depression, and then certain tendencies of an eating disorder. I didn’t need this too. Why would anyone want someone who was touched as a child? No ones ever going to love me now. And before anyone says “you need to love yourself!!!!!! Don’t worry about others!!!” I do. I know I am a good person and I know I deserve to be happy, but that doesn’t change how people treat me. 

I don’t even know what to do. I can’t talk to my friends about this and I definitely cannot talk to any family. I know I should talk to a therapist but I don’t want to do that alone. Sometimes I really wish I could kill my self. Thinking about that puts me at ease but I cannot do that right now because right now someone needs me. But when they don’t need me anymore I still don’t know if I could do it. I’m a coward I’m afraid to die. What kind of a cruel joke is it to have a miserable life, be suicidal, but be afraid to die? But even if I somehow got over me fear of death, I still don’t think I could do that because there’s this guy I’ve been in love with for 2 years (yes I’m really that pathetic) that I think is still a police officer (he used to be one and got a different job but I think he still works there sometimes idk). Just the thought and possibility of him being the one to have to deal with my dead body is enough for me not to do that because I love him and I wouldn’t want him to see that. 

So what do you do when you are so miserable and are so tired of suffering but can’t kill your self despite it being the only solution you can think of? I can’t suffer like this anymore.",1.443033783783786,2.977268926126129,3.1431587837837864,93.12176520270272,78.65765765765767,6.570945945945946,21.47240990990991,7.413659706084162,0.5098355855855856,2014,55,471,27,48,669,211,555,0.261,0.624,0.114,-0.9988,2,1,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,5,3,1,34,35,9,6,23,1,66,12,1,9,8,100,120,41,8,25,21,0,3,1,1,5,4,2,0,11,38,15,1,0,22,1,0,3,23,21,0,3,18,7,71,14,55,86,10,37,0,7,2,6,37,9,1,9,26,329,109,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435292331138481,0.0,0.0,0.05170113865625062,0.0,0.0,0.08450760171256154,0.0,0.04753295886279905,0.0,0.12324206893862995,0.13033830960951048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363040867120533,0.0,0.052872146067743916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901776557905323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657303892070634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198438356325736,0.0,0.0,0.04007181156117953,0.1281165196274343,0.05351661999899655,0.0,0.12897224397249454,0.06491765075093556,0.07121187429368626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357942164361084,0.0,0.0,0.05503299824147048,0.19260560233072627,0.0,0.08207891075763682,0.05620449208250134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058575168128270724,0.06991893470114212,0.06283445280881937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800519935007157,0.057442629751835984,0.06492574643157037,0.0,0.07062528777556147,0.05211572987605628,0.09938976586113897,0.0,0.0,0.0615232297932065,0.0,0.06614365963972017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061659210436778474,0.0,0.1374859203808738,0.06470384207716122,0.23903366266797824,0.05064816240889752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777530637171746,0.03035592915778165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564958540725,0.22431636433733845,0.05879345869231061,0.12442640260290105,0.0629949439460422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273844451070372,0.0,0.04959541179348771,0.0,0.0,0.18428869445184487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617154379137723,0.12631246404790655,0.04725632219419591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307645310226026,0.2170148744902579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009532258399784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246264485780706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796102994770417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061255748820698,0.0,0.09882418815115823,0.0,0.0,0.049513398202420233,0.0,0.12964031390222966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529324416812903,0.0,0.12290582989266463,0.0,0.043979337660949705,0.0,0.2481046939028721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796539622740541,0.0,0.058561322206685015,0.0,0.0,0.1498248177004854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214330236221707,0.04127960621087808,0.358321290785904,0.0,0.0986561957411134,0.0,0.07141482261834113,0.11779306751853055,0.0,0.0,0.04218545671784028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732905044439413,0.0,0.0,0.2198923214567514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213400145621788,0.0,0.07145196397620063,0.0,0.0,0.04523488101992094,0.06310091469895619,0.06332067876051638,0.04413878562364292,0.0,0.0,0.040012779866881946
suicidewatch,throwaway57463865843,2019/03/03,"it's not getting better I'm 22 and I feel what a lot of elderly people must feel towards the end of their life. I'm tired and I feel ready to go. 

I'm tired of the anxiety, the inability to make friends and the tendency to expect the worst in everything I do.

I miss being 15, when I still had an ounce of optimism and whole-heartedly believed in the phrase ""it gets better""

I dreamed of better days when I would travel, and write and change the world. I'd find my people and be the person I always wanted to be.

None of that has happened. I don't think any of that will happen.

I'm tired now. and I want to go.",1.1600512820512847,2.9069038000000016,3.248846153846156,91.06532051282049,80.23076923076924,6.487179487179486,20.833333333333336,7.492282038375204,0.5837948717948724,474,13,107,7,12,161,75,130,0.195,0.727,0.078,-0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,10,0,10,4,0,1,1,22,28,10,0,5,1,0,3,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,1,3,12,4,15,21,3,13,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507482366709366,0.0,0.0,0.10221992839464997,0.0,0.11499120914276112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935448175158044,0.0,0.39882644589781424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590142316652624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694128398910208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313522157971305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509418806614168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801262146857726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373859581137058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161336481143046,0.0,0.15706764874899573,0.0,0.170855916224548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26584760865122964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812499875139728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617252590664553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779315512924172,0.0,0.0,0.1003369930177682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084201592460538,0.13124999693175948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004242710089046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631632327651084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182978505905244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732035855027192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678222716141517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678006272671026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ForeverAloneRowan,2019/03/03,"I’m done I really think I’m gonna do it for real this time. I just want to walk into traffic and let it all end. Nobody cares and if they say they do it’s all for show. I’m tired of living. I’m tired of reliving the trauma of my childhood every day. I’m tired of my cries for help being dismissed by everyone I love. I’m tired of college, working 24 hours a week to barely scrape by, tired of my 400s credit score, tired of my messy living situation, tired of my sexless intimacyless relationship. I am just tired and I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I would commit myself to the hospital but I still owe them hundreds and I can’t miss the work if I’m gonna keep going. I’m just done with it all. THe Prozac isn’t helping and I just feel these primal urges within me to walk into traffic, to grab the box cutter and drive it deep into my body I just want to hurt myself to death. I am done. ",0.9780126002290964,2.700250180412376,3.2720962199312744,90.7996792668958,80.70103092783505,5.754410080183277,18.50973654066437,6.691623216298621,-0.035120504009163785,701,15,158,7,18,241,102,194,0.16899999999999998,0.747,0.084,-0.9481,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,3,2,6,6,0,0,6,0,12,14,3,0,5,32,34,10,1,6,8,0,2,0,0,3,10,1,0,0,7,11,0,1,2,1,2,5,3,3,0,0,3,3,23,3,28,26,3,19,0,2,0,1,8,6,0,2,8,96,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909687570680738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909598331864966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979976208058774,0.05753578511718733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738913348576937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901731011939779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516681993047515,0.08524800110472537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510938529999743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014049832783405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959680917933152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785802628258221,0.0,0.09550565726706152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929768923402805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122757444955394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755556429841133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051930792470705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880749884243638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015453027644206,0.0571529075598794,0.0,0.0,0.09578267434467223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094672080353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028051027324487,0.08927863970649336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124658356494326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716486362959515,0.0,0.0,0.052021523450569616,0.820308886126131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786255803458266,0.0,0.07156225816101726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989801522649688,0.0,0.0,0.06337521529562619,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpful-egg-friend,2019/03/03,"I’m ready. I can’t say goodbye to anyone because it will set off red flags and I’ll just end up locked up in the hospital again. I just want to put an ending out there. I’m sorry I was too weak for this world. But I’ve been suffering my entire life, I’m 31 and it’s just been far too long. I’ve done tons of therapy and tried medications, but it doesn’t change the fact that my life is just fucking shit. 

I wrote a note though, I’m sorry I’m bad with words. I want to exit gracefully but I’m just so scared. I’m waiting for my roommates to go to sleep, so I’ve been sitting with this calmly for awhile. I’ve got this. I can’t fuck it up because I can’t go back to the hospital. Everyone has moved on and I’m just a terrible glitch in the world. I know they’ll all understand. 

Goodbye, I love you all. ",-0.8995454545454535,1.1218196685393274,1.6193871297242095,97.86317671092957,91.07865168539324,5.258835546475996,17.6414708886619,6.7829847944221076,-0.13422247191011172,623,17,154,9,22,212,96,178,0.16899999999999998,0.731,0.1,-0.9262,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,0,14,11,3,1,7,0,13,9,2,0,3,26,33,10,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,7,2,14,3,20,24,3,23,0,1,1,3,5,12,3,0,5,85,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168730659489117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852572253860234,0.13956075990677902,0.203782514691483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768193588437687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104940908277771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960852531590176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971611758394025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309049408821336,0.0,0.0,0.18998697943643825,0.0,0.13368272185211993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185961771781792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361217327661073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791983163113395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085668972438993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838301369180125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776508044764005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802889726775902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292199999072882,0.16734330200298653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157398940434052,0.0,0.0,0.16726770753931647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742147549420694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114715690576006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422107489653914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134818384519547,0.0,0.0,0.17400591756830816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717525771409086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRealAsh01,2019/03/03,"Not sure what to say I'm not really sure why I posted this. I guess I'm looking for somebody to relate to? Maybe companionship? This is just my ramblings - feel free to ignore it. 

I'm not really sure where to begin with this. I've been suicidal for 8 years, maybe 9 years. It's been too long to remember when it started now, I just remember being a kid and flipping a coin. If it landed on the wrong side I was going to stab myself with a kitchen knife - I still have that knife. It's long with a wooden handle, and kind of dull. I'm not even sure if it's sharp enough that I would have been able to kill myself at the time, but when I lost the coin toss I ended up having a breakdown and being unable to stab myself anyways. 

For the past 5 or 6 years or so I've thought about suicide daily. Stabbing myself is a recurrent trend. Hanging myself is the other big one. I've daydreamed about jumping off just about every high place around me as well. I tried to kill myself once about 4 years ago. I had a noose, with 6 loops as to strangle myself instead of snapping my neck, in case it failed. As you can obviously tell, it did - the rope tore on the rusty vent I hung it from.

I used to be pretty smart, at the top of my class. Everyone would always tell me that I was the smartest in my grade. But now I'm older, and it's very clear that I'm just wasted potential. I'll never do anything of importance in my life, and I never stood a chance to begin with. I'm lazy with no motivation of any kind, and my grades have been on a downwards trend for a while now. I'm frankly just a piece of shit, with nobody to blame but myself. It's pretty clear to me that I'm a negative influence on my friends and family, and that they'd all be better off without me in the long run. From all the slogans that they show you, you'd think that I'd regret trying to kill myself, but I don't. I think, with how my life is, I'll probably kill myself by the end of the year at the latest. I'm really not sure how to end this. I don't even know why I wrote it in the first place. Goodbye, I suppose. I might come back, I might not. We'll have to wait and see I guess. ",2.2640879120879127,3.3879382219780254,3.7956043956043963,91.00439560439564,75.57142857142857,6.694505494505496,21.57142857142857,7.110495986334442,0.4166659340659331,1661,39,378,17,35,552,204,455,0.183,0.721,0.096,-0.9913,1,0,0,0,0,6,53.0,1,3,2,6,27,23,5,0,27,0,32,5,2,5,12,73,61,26,6,5,20,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,1,1,26,19,1,2,8,1,3,5,13,11,1,2,12,5,50,13,64,38,4,61,0,4,2,0,13,25,1,8,30,252,76,5,0.0809119731588228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172358225619398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732524339116852,0.0,0.0,0.0550229163377844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658365976280081,0.07202881044582783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221631296109405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156006501722377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969850044059966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499197681818208,0.08360369740684,0.0,0.10688319034481876,0.0,0.06817182709109554,0.07731485775968923,0.0,0.0,0.07627660731293523,0.0,0.040911524761874984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882368303499402,0.0,0.0,0.06251238975167897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598413896331215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826732106191226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854879420178836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35806844077628736,0.16851473795004904,0.04446710441718533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430103898680405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481365028274868,0.06794567925224611,0.0,0.08832497671276482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625739046927986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166963421683715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480860353001445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616861073301008,0.054828047030742434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723963376069423,0.0,0.0,0.16907158143068135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749130415096234,0.16463313016389652,0.08723679206133007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550284562507374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331498548486228,0.0,0.0,0.06434444862470139,0.0,0.0,0.06447636689910255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305497771123417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726991105345512,0.0,0.06461640628289246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700913218220074,0.0,0.3812928857416033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144126176077934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369025063578162,0.0,0.06423506873299982,0.04718042222576152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986783714686454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988196616089644,0.0,0.06676085164336061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274958100711841,0.0,0.1460209414469597,0.0,0.0,0.07799625477460971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495508850821412,0.0884645408748324,0.0,0.26052328955518944
suicidewatch,ganonvdorf,2019/03/03,Can someone talk to me? I’m sitting on my bathroom floor alone with no one to talk to waiting for what I did to take effect and fall asleep. Can someone talk to me while I wait so I’m not alone in the last few moments? ,1.2512500000000024,2.558061625000004,2.610833333333336,97.7175,78.58333333333334,4.800000000000002,24.5,3.1291,-0.04047500000000026,170,6,41,0,4,55,34,48,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.6767,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,9,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5408960770219116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285274192427195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694590177329445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44250284040612986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633443885643428,0.6296501539066733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UsaChan26,2019/03/03,"feelings... feeling like i should just end it. there's shit wrong with me. my fiancé doesn't want me.


what is with men these days!? do they just want a trophy wife to just look good for them with no content? just a hot piece of ass?? i'm a below average woman, and honestly a piece of shit looks better than i do. i don't do anything with my life, i get nowhere and i just feel like i don't even belong on this earth anymore. i have no top lip ffs! i have big tits, and an hourglass curve but that's about it. i think God made me to have my heart broken over and over again. i don't deserve a man. nobody needs me anymore, so why don't i just end it? i play Sims, and can't play anything else, except for Deep Space Waifu and Rabbi Ribbi(??)...but lately more Sims. i'm the type of woman that only those Indians from India want. i'm that bad. i get hit on by them more often...they'll hit on anything, really.

my fiancé forgot my name, and on Discord he said he'd drop me...maybe i am that forgettable...maybe if i died i would be forgotten.",0.06945205479451744,2.1931658447488616,1.8894136986301397,97.11894246575343,86.89954337899543,4.5998904109589045,17.435799086757992,5.927762680638738,-0.4874056255707764,796,19,183,6,25,261,125,219,0.198,0.7070000000000001,0.095,-0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,3,2,11,11,2,0,7,0,18,7,6,1,0,33,38,10,1,7,9,1,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,4,11,11,0,1,4,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,7,29,7,23,29,4,17,1,0,2,2,12,11,4,1,7,112,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862626502383378,0.0,0.0,0.3563008022812504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050509935604654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764347222609895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307749436652744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978625677379925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056477081341753,0.0,0.2556576997260568,0.0,0.0,0.09532510580399843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892472037635152,0.20621119468669508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080740206867746,0.0,0.0,0.12105271423878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171025469083788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280455240358085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019408065924393,0.1410195204606796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239280443442995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656352450817733,0.0,0.0,0.28998712736425025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701493925142236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976544087850076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245810099923762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728584348646555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962944692174758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924774427186449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553793491515281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023059704828174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252412881203556,0.15779640730389802,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eppur-si-muove-,2019/03/03,"Not sure if it's the right place but a good educational Instagrammer I follow has been contemplating suicide I have been following [science__is__life](https://www.instagram.com/science__is__life/) for his educational content but for past several weeks, he has reduced his number of posts and been posting stories of ending his life; and today he posted [this](https://imgur.com/a/BvYVuGh). He is otherwise very reserved and there is no contact detail anywhere (he has a new YouTube channel but no details there as well). I think he is based in the US. In the past he uploaded stories saying that people have approached him with statements to not end his life but I don't think it has made him to take a step back. I don't know what to do in this situation. I am posting here with a hope to help him with anyone who knows him or knows a way to help him.",9.342892156862746,9.13069337908497,7.9877042483660174,71.85841911764706,59.65359477124183,10.525816993464053,37.42565359477124,9.827888789773867,3.5655104575163388,689,28,118,11,8,209,91,153,0.085,0.8109999999999999,0.104,0.444,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,8,0,16,2,0,1,1,23,26,10,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,1,0,4,6,0,1,0,4,1,16,4,16,22,0,22,0,0,0,0,21,5,0,3,8,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151578747743678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163726927738957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571792516167305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177316187802988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946270876217712,0.0,0.0,0.14420012843395974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23936742022520954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509501866551724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737628504359298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021927899026465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27718845372343776,0.10065206626153164,0.0,0.1516860190279521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561832372526985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398604836052235,0.0,0.11545586994383394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640162056102418,0.0,0.0,0.16319251151961084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880735464297352,0.0,0.13683387694705262,0.0,0.1091600404605822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860556481208624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761712934998013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746380613400219,0.0,0.0,0.11979172048909928,0.0,0.11524002783827028,0.11645757094264615,0.0,0.13053754197532774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sexislexis,2019/03/03,"Why is it so hard to go through with actually committing the act of suicide? They say that if you hesitate you really don’t want to die. But what if you are mainly worried about pain? Pain is the only deterrent. 

And killing yourself is so hard! If you don’t have a gun there’s no easy, quick, or painless way to do it. Everything hurts. I’m too chicken to slice a blade across my wrist (and I don’t have one). I’ve tried hanging myself that doesn’t work. I’ve tried pills I just throw them back up. Tried carbon monoxide twice. The first time I turned my car on inside the garage; after 2 hours I wasn’t even sleepy. Then I bought coal and burned it inside my house. I felt like I passed out but woke up the next day as normal - but of course I had a lot of explaining to do when I tried to get rid of the smell. I’m too chicken to crash my car intentionally because I don’t want to hurt other people or damage property (I think...I don’t know why I’m too chicken to do this but I just am). Tried low suspension hanging a few times. The last time I tried with the seat belt in a car and I couldn’t do it. I even tried drinking antifreeze mixed with wine....maybe I didn’t drink enough? At this point the only sure fire way would be jumping off a bridge (I’m too chicken to do that), or a gunshot to the head (I don’t have a gun or even know how to get a hold of one). I really think if I had access to a gun I would have done it already....",0.4815081692501053,2.373446740259745,2.191981566820278,97.04334101382489,83.22077922077922,5.402764976958526,19.02639296187684,6.532088108194933,-0.17833255131964787,1108,28,267,11,31,363,156,308,0.16,0.797,0.043,-0.9856,1,0,3,4,0,3,43.0,0,4,2,2,17,9,1,0,20,0,30,7,2,2,2,39,47,22,3,10,14,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,12,8,2,1,5,2,1,10,11,7,0,4,8,6,31,2,33,35,4,35,0,4,0,0,8,10,0,9,14,168,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.10268547509979492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611959596497233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809123603523939,0.0,0.0641448417350153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786211650610495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920805805288616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076828136220976,0.0,0.20616299695504564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087266694123268,0.0,0.2085025004182136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945704157464304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103353851620152,0.0,0.0,0.08950524994929643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099525675762926,0.0,0.059802406237424235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852379846114287,0.0,0.1079923158724592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362649268522736,0.12141676847211542,0.2252933900962225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164170670521252,0.0,0.11565900340898493,0.0857732995915385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051408147545596236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894594503518054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571374077265913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190912991394793,0.0,0.1030992168523514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260783025003676,0.16005835111778804,0.2239359363608036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295051471861394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947265773712603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482104271599052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368000233401139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151002527082159,0.0,0.09917433516261598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348492465266921,0.0,0.0,0.18407452047645964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000912080041584,0.11445575868216985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413013667320125,0.16704712897090782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990034077944254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766058395245486,0.10686219210241037,0.0,0.14949917639019145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnneAmelie,2019/03/03,I’ve fucked my life up beyond repair. I’d go into details but it’s too long and would bore me and everyone reading it. I’ve stockpiled my opioids from surgery a few weeks ago. I just want to call it quits. The only thing stopping me is hurting my wife. She deserves better though. So I guess that’s not even a good reason anymore. ,0.4258660130718965,2.8514841029411784,1.9331372549019608,94.66022875816995,90.3235294117647,3.610457516339869,22.26143790849673,5.033348758259628,0.03152418300653625,261,10,53,1,9,84,55,68,0.174,0.75,0.076,-0.6965,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,11,6,5,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,5,5,1,8,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,1,4,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098985507081107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483037759005035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942001867727816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417873400464003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156396446208591,0.0,0.0,0.2262613784960669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189069779590648,0.0,0.0,0.13457225392734826,0.198606800917463,0.0,0.0,0.2608490203114573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534867842927103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725058671821666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095502039371624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800881806018059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518535155927301,0.2368523892750185,0.0,0.0,0.2434578207405861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979656306707033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731163224947475,0.0,0.23264331331287624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396638807985694,0.0,0.18993730022961972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820762234246173,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heckinhecklesheck,2019/03/03,"Everything is wrong with me Life is a pain not worth living, I can't find a reason to keep going. ",0.8657142857142865,2.6608205714285766,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,81.38095238095238,6.104761904761905,15.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.2274952380952384,76,1,17,1,2,26,19,21,0.366,0.634,0.0,-0.7944,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299468414088182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355441383706897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864468968383396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32631614794443353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931011591810604,0.0,0.0,0.3241766899243194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39064518378709856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774640015091482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40139180802272817,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im-confused-pls-help,2019/03/03,I have nothing I have no one anymore. My boyfriend left me because I was leaning on him too much but the truth is he was the only thing I had to live for. I don’t think I can do this without him. I had a seizure last night I don’t know what triggered it but I haven’t told anyone and I’m going to off myself tonight. I feel so alone,-1.0609333333333308,0.8754098400000032,1.033333333333335,102.49666666666668,90.6,3.333333333333334,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.7592666666666665,258,9,65,0,9,85,53,75,0.053,0.879,0.068,-0.0078,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,1,1,9,18,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,1,15,1,6,13,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929909640350406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28055300932703736,0.1978047772510549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244843625403314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303877707303245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607741349253761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547013397409062,0.2305948691558649,0.0,0.0,0.3073631617602476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497989618836324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795828907013514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26547513041016746,0.0,0.2714426590968891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916950502878466,0.21515223682120554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187940982264163,0.18126587473415265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703155838822998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27269794915181106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Veinsonmycock,2019/03/03,"I'd never kill myself but i understand. Life isnt good for everyone. 

Sometimes it's just shit forever. 

I'd never do that to my family but if I didn't have a family, god, I dunno, I'd probably just jump off a building or something.

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suicidewatch,Sanxtion,2019/03/03,"I’m just waiting for the final push. I’ve been going through shit since I was 8. Life sucks all the time and now I’m just waiting for that one big thing to push me off the edge. That one big thing is already happening and if it occurs, then I’m officially out. I feel calm and relaxed knowing it could be all over. ",1.4467661691542304,3.138295492537313,2.8545522388059688,94.485907960199,79.1492537313433,5.6606965174129344,23.106965174129357,6.42735559955562,0.3363950248756216,246,8,57,2,6,80,46,67,0.08900000000000001,0.831,0.08,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,3,0,5,2,1,0,2,14,15,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,2,2,1,3,2,7,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342945999685316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186771350611802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317225673176166,0.0,0.0,0.3318487921446377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216406330182082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678830533694565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648430420404134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397085772649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105510975098203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109568377830576,0.25058968399801634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025110529445824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664293345066848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jdawg4208,2019/03/03,"Suicide by cop- 16/m/depressed I have been thinking of suicide for awhile but I am too pussy to do it myself. I have tried cutting,hanging, suffocation, but I back out at the last minute. I have been researching and watching videos on the matter and I’ve decided “by cop” is the best option. I do not know if it will be tomorrow or a month from, but I’m planning on making a mock bomb vest and calling the police and running towards them with the hopes that they shoot me dead. The joy of living has been completely engulfed by the pain of depression and a lot of other mental health problems. I’m not nervous, I’m not scared, I’m actually excited as I won’t feel the pain I feel anymore. Don’t think this is a rash decision, I have tried to get help from my high school to no avail, I have tried to talk to my mother and stepdad but they have there own problems and put me down a lot and they do not believe that I actually have problems, this is my first post on reddit and maybe my last. I’m only 16 but I feel ready to die, I haven’t experienced life to the fullest and that is disappointing but I won’t feel this way anymore so it’s worth it. Maybe one of you can change my mind but probably not, I just thought I would get this off my chest- j ",3.183297570850204,4.222178734615387,4.360688259109313,88.17168016194336,73.19230769230771,7.473684210526315,27.14574898785425,7.85451343220497,1.4098461538461535,981,35,216,13,19,322,138,260,0.214,0.6709999999999999,0.115,-0.9865,0,0,0,1,0,3,23.0,0,1,4,3,5,14,1,2,14,0,27,6,2,1,0,48,44,21,4,6,15,1,4,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,10,1,1,2,10,10,0,2,4,6,30,4,28,35,4,19,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,6,6,147,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.22719725569613164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308933757137971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951152149851177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115335230811667,0.12216431748239248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886685130156364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314554260329764,0.0,0.12205287534148787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005262189247077,0.0,0.12081441443108792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354400416205617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901764168259218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163804854483765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237375805858182,0.0,0.0,0.07802666103629488,0.12299275536598354,0.0,0.11562064335640986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397547497718932,0.1897781381471993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222329017606278,0.0,0.0,0.10279149330364283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793394923928356,0.0,0.0,0.07770407289309064,0.0,0.2338974598849412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731313607762113,0.0,0.11754014976268022,0.0,0.09291674626637876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888191499844567,0.08853447405747536,0.2477352816621469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148787524252876,0.0,0.1255088515602329,0.3341637692270675,0.0,0.11702344054620548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654595888673824,0.11781236758388625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25466563328283337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356533912619196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491806836058391,0.0,0.09241593502089754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371027018167171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240023780681668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269378549321052,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Apple304,2019/03/03,"What, why, how, and when Mental health has been evaluated, treated, and reevaluated. Medication does nothing but make me numb to the things around me. It doesn't last long.  My one and only baby was a stillborn at 38 weeks. That's literally weeks away from being born. I've been dead inside ever since. Absolutely nothing makes the pain go away. I've tried.  I researched and came up with a plan. I will take a drill and make a few holes around the catalytic converter. I will make a playlist and roll up the windows inside of the garage. I will put danger notices on the outside of the garage door.  This is my 3rd try. First, was my sister in laws gun. A pink sparkly thing I felt weird holding. I called the hotline and they tracked me. I went to the hospital and I was treated like an animal. The second time I got sleeping pills, but had a change of heart and took 2 weeks to try and be happy. This time is different. I'm calm, totally ready, and actually relieved that it will be over very soon. 


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suicidewatch,Cheesus1903,2019/03/03,I don't know what to do It's been a year since i thought about suicide for the first time. I often joked about it when I was with my friends and i still do it sometimes. When I was lonely I took it seriously and thought about why I have these thoughts. I often dreamt of suicide at night and I always dreamt of a different method. I ignored it since it were nightmares and nothing like this will ever happen to me. However I recently started thinking about doing it seriously. I informed myself about the most efficient and least painful ways to die and kind of wrote suicide notes in my head. I was thinking about whom I would send one and what I would write. I really don't want to talk about it neither with a psychiatrist nor with my close ones. I want no one in my family or friends to know how I really feel. That's why I'm here. I hope you can help me out of my misery,2.3459287709497225,4.252718687150839,3.4736836592178797,90.08415677374303,77.2122905027933,6.70963687150838,25.15398044692737,7.6454224807358475,1.1843209497206706,691,25,148,10,16,223,98,179,0.196,0.7,0.105,-0.9434,2,2,1,0,0,3,11.0,0,1,0,1,15,11,0,0,5,0,15,2,1,1,1,35,31,12,4,5,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,14,12,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,5,0,4,10,1,29,6,24,18,3,18,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,5,11,112,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090568796727322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833114529212803,0.1392568307947941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056596862799193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565137805295049,0.0,0.06739404970500361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337408572129755,0.0,0.0,0.20595483187804464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786549469937845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679119475004464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933964904186091,0.0,0.0,0.1323843358445256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879818329350846,0.14650239817617736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511742864143978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508107591810688,0.0,0.12789273254128686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27095671561927764,0.0,0.14182705516956295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077447929117348,0.0,0.13160510149149435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051321798435747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182452044300047,0.0,0.0943414173537345,0.0,0.10644338782616382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373839274615709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071312606357508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081020436041758,0.0,0.3174456175999326,0.07772088034101186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480870637906002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723257310332245,0.10579723273312427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405420634681036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936690807440376,0.0,0.0,0.08583263336083401
suicidewatch,scoobiesandboobies,2019/03/03,"the profundity of dying at 27 i have a poster hanging in my living room, ""Forever 27"" by Scott LaBaido.. it depicts Kurt Cobain arriving to the afterlife to find Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Jimmy Hendrix waiting to greet him.  They all died from various reasons, some (i believe to be) arguably suicide.. and.. i don't know.  there's just something about the age of 27 that i like

i've, for as long as i can remember, had an affinity for numbers whose digits add up to odd numbers.  wow, typing that out helped me realize how fucking crazy i am.  but like, volume on the TV or in the car.. 7, 9, 10 (1+0), 12 (1+2), etc.  21 is a good one, as is 27.  i really like 27.  27 seems to be a good one to go out on

i've fairly recently come to an agreement with my high school sweetheart to file for divorce.  it's super complicated (obviously) but long story short is that it's my fault and i feel worthless.  the catch is that we have an 18mo daughter together.  she's what's been keeping me here.

there are all sorts of complicating factors, not the least of which is a traumatic brain injury that i sustained in a motorcycle accident that i was in, my third year of college.  i was in a coma for weeks, and scored a 3 on the GSC.  my parents were essentially told they'd be very lucky to get a vegetable.  so that i've regained the level of cognisance that i have i is fairly miraculous in and of itself, but it brings with it an entire layer of mental health concerns.

i don't know.  i've got 19 days left though, my birthday is 3/23.  so.. i'm holding on.  i guess i just feel a need to check in",2.750615384615384,3.995307446153845,4.729230769230772,84.31076923076924,74.53846153846153,7.7846153846153845,27.76923076923077,8.364918446050245,1.8786615384615384,1220,48,257,21,25,420,189,325,0.084,0.7959999999999999,0.12,0.9342,1,0,1,0,1,1,59.0,1,0,2,1,10,13,1,0,22,0,24,5,1,2,3,40,41,16,3,1,7,2,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,17,12,1,3,9,1,1,6,3,3,0,3,7,2,29,10,46,30,6,33,0,1,0,1,12,20,1,6,10,165,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840850546774475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686488866214702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876052212731506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639979164340326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102654200633968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670548994973985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151159329284367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366185508578515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818835045857228,0.07809515198408444,0.0,0.08495077663166069,0.2507471115312776,0.11954978259308832,0.0,0.16466490091656874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888622478895373,0.0,0.0,0.10019075487213083,0.15792982603970673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328613262927408,0.0,0.0,0.16429643524759194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240634298306242,0.0,0.0,0.21907958227576,0.0,0.13199023477033045,0.2645634898468049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063686570628107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083471806777057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257790105300705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597564542071372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575828972117792,0.15368644237860507,0.14758972757188654,0.0,0.16932741088818876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127790789371218,0.0,0.13607753054637312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507409165406918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350271624930676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146859620518515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283092735719452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333353029007252,0.0,0.0,0.11990080194791194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625778051865147
suicidewatch,LiveUnderstanding,2019/03/03,"I have decided which day will be my last. If I don’t have my drivers license by June 10th (which is when I turn 20) it’s going to all end. Everything I’ve ever done will be for nothing the second I do what needs to be done. I’m just such a failure and can’t handle seeing others succeed when I sit inside my parents house all day. I’m not smart enough for college, I have no skills, and I’m not good looking. If my task is not completed and my life isn’t any better by the date nothing will be able to stop me. I’m thinking I can either wait for a train and run into it, jump off a bridge way down the street, or jump off the statue my town has. It will really suck if those are the ways my life will end. I wasn’t meant to handle life’s stress and challenges.",2.8841894852135823,3.172279500000002,4.299069003285877,91.11893209200441,73.27710843373494,7.000219058050384,23.52464403066813,6.574015621080383,0.4701879518072301,591,14,139,4,11,197,95,166,0.115,0.8390000000000001,0.046,-0.8737,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,4,5,7,1,1,8,0,24,3,0,0,3,24,37,11,0,4,9,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,3,0,0,4,8,2,0,1,4,2,16,5,13,24,4,24,0,0,2,0,1,6,1,4,11,92,24,3,0.16694137221194308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352585776770238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764607737474944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750348525717011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153267487231237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34167796915851345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957210099106488,0.17249506373665846,0.0,0.0,0.1510080287396336,0.0,0.0,0.15003614090227374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948766289934796,0.14002250253162052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262792955490066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360794997208708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537468847086295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018870739905642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378491218870932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32036949814213234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536863766193606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694691781711524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303065968059616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957046230900286,0.1912307778327608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696929051624636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158427454478926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650205815611574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EllisReviews_,2019/03/03,"Im 15 and possibly autistic I have taken to Reddit to ask for help before so I will make this short and sweet, I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or formatting issues as I'm writing this on mobile

My life's been on a downward spiral for a few years at this point, it started when I was around 13, you see, I've never been popular at school and when I was in year 8 (7th grade for you Americans) I had been bullied to the point where I ended up in councilling, I was and still occasionally am called a freak, and some other things so horrible that I refuse to say them on Reddit. I also get made fun of for my YouTube channel, which they all find cringy despite the fact that my loyal fan base enjoy my videos and are supportive. At this point I was ready to end my life although never attempted to. 

At the start of year 9 my best friend  (who I felt like I could talk to unlike some other ""friends"") moved schools, although I sometimes talk to him through the power of the internet, my friendship with him has never been the same since, and I rarely see him in real life anymore.

The next year my parents separated and i moved from my lovely big house to a much smaller one in a neighborhood that is full of drugs and theft and strange people however, I'm glad my parents horrible relationship was over as they had been arguing for years and things of calmed down since. 

Furthermore is the problem of me never having a girlfriend, not once has a girl ever shown interest for me. There was this one girl I liked who is the smartest and kindest person I've met, but deep down I know she thinks I'm a freak. I just want to make it clear that I'm not an incel or neckbeard, just in case you were thinking that

My blatant social awkwardness was something that always haunted me, so when problems in school got worse I decided to get private councilling, due to my social problems and much more such as eye contact and oversensitivity to certain textures my counselor suggested to my mother that I might have Aspergers syndrome.
I know I do, it would explain a lot about me, but my father is having none of this, and refuses to believe such a thing, my mother's family are being supportive but my father's aren't 

Because I'm not very good at maths my aunt spoke to her friend who offered to give me maths tutoring, the maths tutor quickly become my friend as we have the same Interests and we like to discuss politics, however I am there to do maths not discuss the situation of Brexit or trump, and the best day of the week is having maths tutoring, but it gets ruined, as my tutor is Ill a lot, and I haven't had it for a while, so in short one of my only friends I rarely get to speak to

I know I've written a book here and most of you might not care but I don't know where else to go for help, the feeling of suicide becomes evermore present when I think of my friend, the Aspergers or this girl I like,  is there any advice you can give me?




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suicidewatch,Totallyabott,2019/03/03,"Too ugly for this life No matter the haircut, skin regimen, clothing, or facial hair I’m still fucking ugly. No one cares about me, I’ll never be loved, never be taken seriously, never belong, and will never prosper. I can’t stand myself. My days are numbered. :(",2.2623129251700687,5.055643428571429,4.4521428571428565,77.68869047619049,84.10204081632655,4.899319727891157,22.452380952380953,6.42735559955562,1.0643442176870743,204,7,31,2,6,70,41,49,0.28600000000000003,0.62,0.094,-0.9086,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,5,6,3,0,4,7,10,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,2,4,2,2,6,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702032510795264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709145196012186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450046325875845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718986909872407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918885967305384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8175920836511441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958288109363982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164351157159694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostinthesaucee_,2019/03/03,"I’m over it. All my life I have been as optimistic as possible. I’ve got dealt a bad hand in childhood, but I always believed that I had the ability to figure it out. I believed I would find happiness, love, family, etc. I dreamed and worked hard. I did my best to make the right decision for myself. Learn from my mistakes and grow as a person. I’ve always had crap thrown at me at every turn. Always had to work twice as hard to get half as much. I still kept pushing. 

But right now it’s too much. This last set of circumstances really burned me out. I am tired. I feel like no matter what I do, my life will always be terrible. I almost believe I have some kind of curse where no matter how hard I try, I’ll always end up failing. I always end with my face flat on ground, having to start from zero. Over and Over again. I can never find happiness, not even in myself. I don’t have much to live for anymore, not even my dreams (and I’ve always been a dreamer) or my family (I’ve feel out with most of them). Even my emotions and thoughts have turned on me. I just don’t see the point anymore and wish I was never here to begin with. ",1.3965600924499242,3.241354750000003,3.043636363636363,92.34766563944531,79.88983050847456,6.155315870570107,19.625577812018488,7.1686216300943375,0.28656610169491525,875,21,194,11,22,289,130,236,0.154,0.701,0.14400000000000002,-0.1597,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,4,12,11,1,0,6,0,20,7,3,2,3,40,35,15,0,3,6,0,6,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,12,0,1,8,2,0,2,8,5,0,3,10,7,33,6,35,22,8,32,0,1,1,1,3,18,1,4,12,137,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303328314846104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411444617060992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427823776836108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757375030568874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31402427938050903,0.0975005241022367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450825540754848,0.16457665831782706,0.0,0.10361624591514126,0.18409327061722444,0.0,0.07827844317810169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516954807109375,0.0,0.09395348791583827,0.06637302409751009,0.0,0.0,0.1698312559055523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854025188494311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430648910243907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780318754673776,0.2496801902491421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674870032212032,0.0,0.07573188437436125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124640731090526,0.04538983464974762,0.0,0.08203888563287913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385250401645418,0.0,0.062016372604436626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048927605397535,0.0,0.1433117402957001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112310793098762,0.0,0.0,0.08782746903794747,0.10473906916567943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951882268037088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586847258395228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403512327603552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576029526423513,0.0,0.07419592379165096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375805215163961,0.0,0.10678332306479936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307798700854475,0.202113019407568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683885884112652,0.0,0.0,0.1352753038276798,0.0,0.0,0.06599871052157304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rhodyislandy,2019/03/03,"Heart broken I used to date a guy. I loved him, i fought to be woth him. My parents try to prevent me from getting to know him. So...we started getting to know each other. I loved him, wd had plans and everything. Then all of sudden, everything got a bit sour. I told him one night, that i needed space so i can improve myself (i thought it was me that was causing it.). He said sure. Then next day in the afternoon he broke up with me. He told we weren't ready but he still loves me. So i try to be a good best friend. He started acting weird towards me and he just avoid talking to me. I texted him a month after, i told him he was a hypocrite. Then he started attacking me calling me a hypocrite and that my love wasnt genuine. He blocked me. I cried not because of the break up, but because he just told me my love was fake. And i hate that. I still have to see his face every thursday and Sunday. And he started talking to anothet girl. I cry at times because all i want was an apology. At times i want to die, im just trying to keep a strong face for my parents. I hate being sensitive and i feel so ashamed. I blame myself for ignoring my parents. I don't wanna eat, i feel like half of me died. My mom asked me if i was okay, i told her yes. She said im beautiful and worth it. I appreciate it, but at times i just cry whenever i remember thd time i spend time with him.

Im sorry for being dramatic. I dont like to tell how i feel. I just feel like crap for the past month. I felt like i lost everything...",-0.2884653221839635,1.8164905887850509,1.967402033120184,96.00297712739795,88.59501557632399,5.1234956550254145,20.908427611083784,6.5966054737557815,0.257244236760124,1153,40,269,14,38,388,149,321,0.189,0.5920000000000001,0.218,0.8442,4,1,0,0,0,1,49.0,1,0,0,4,11,27,5,2,11,2,17,10,4,3,3,46,55,19,2,5,10,4,5,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,9,12,1,5,9,0,2,1,5,12,0,2,21,9,65,15,31,30,5,36,0,2,1,5,49,8,1,1,30,166,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193036161408238,0.08753260596087628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407093441546879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074585738273041,0.0,0.08400071052904402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856636062419486,0.0,0.0,0.07904060449730806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25355144476962965,0.04962120958465442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970724804870678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017542341143976,0.0,0.0,0.07873085053397225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648269336724126,0.0,0.2074514616637118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561670064270616,0.10993472675528176,0.07387636354284174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944518017275534,0.0,0.08039801410531112,0.0,0.0,0.06453527939181852,0.06153752738175605,0.0,0.0,0.07618465352465069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192854487304489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911766126009124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493316137534762,0.0,0.0,0.06838956397390095,0.0,0.0,0.08457059614392076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035985289314596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839912563781599,0.0,0.3472156889842868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011351294038546,0.12282870312886125,0.0,0.0,0.05705150063852115,0.0,0.0,0.08182866488398971,0.07220483274271358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213787454310606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563048782668125,0.0,0.07344982272508281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716026042038323,0.0,0.14637887835317165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061312793550639885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861302433472989,0.21783970790903098,0.0,0.12289192362860632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251690227021165,0.0,0.0,0.12368609238355062,0.06725067880648057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108333483027562,0.22432742620927684,0.0,0.0,0.3676067790571258,0.0,0.15671565429661624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645316369703028,0.0,0.0,0.09076474246244004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nyctophiliac25,2019/03/03,"Ruined by my own expectations Little background: I've been having trouble with depression and anxiety since I was 15 (am 18 now, soon to be 19) and even though I've had some help from therapy it seemed like that didn't help at all. I can't still chat with my folks about it unless I am really drunk.

I actually feel like I've been fucking myself over because of what I except from other people and I, the more I think about ending my life within a few years the more I am sure that's right decision. I am far away from my family and the girl that I think it's the one, shit like that end up stacking up and making me feel hopeless which from my pov is not smth bad, at least I am aware of how this will end.

And since I've lost hope, I don't see any way I can outlive my suicidal expectations (which are that I am either kill myself this year or after my parents die). I can't see to find hope to live on my future profession or anything on that matter. 

On this current day, I am surviving due to an enormous amount of cigarettes and alcohol abuse and I don't know if I am going to be able to make it, my greatest enemy is myself


TLDR; I've lost all hope because of my own expectations on myself and other people (mainly), I am waiting for my parents to pass away so I can kill myself without giving them pain. ",8.73466577540107,5.225029632352944,9.19407754010695,73.18755347593584,63.33823529411765,12.24385026737968,35.38903743315508,10.018931242160765,3.1957235294117643,1028,29,215,16,11,349,147,272,0.16399999999999998,0.711,0.125,-0.9382,3,0,2,0,1,3,23.0,0,0,1,3,9,19,4,0,6,0,27,6,1,3,3,42,46,16,4,7,8,2,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,18,11,2,1,8,2,0,2,7,12,0,1,7,4,38,7,37,36,13,32,0,5,2,1,8,16,2,8,16,159,56,0,0.1114704988085174,0.13207431329723732,0.10877912702434546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912806288289605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580376167607213,0.0,0.08527462648034348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173072261736946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946040603007468,0.0,0.09307321037926623,0.13590276288381706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718892500072122,0.0,0.09600937728445408,0.0,0.11568877884113447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961893272422161,0.0,0.0,0.07362521315971329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508446565633107,0.0,0.1127256670226423,0.07963454662166365,0.0,0.0,0.101882016452628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030526799367867,0.0,0.10693265975903887,0.06335125331153355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943265130815894,0.0,0.0,0.3321460713537376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466511824064231,0.0,0.061261270939770435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873490988275028,0.16337656537637835,0.11172272415691377,0.0984304926821306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24336643458432314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881484707458856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553529487183537,0.0,0.11861246998679095,0.0,0.2475495945654277,0.0,0.0,0.15455921685818516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141085590198884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519519691801603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776551108325118,0.10147855557612814,0.0,0.0,0.1144228651528323,0.1844190970375126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902048434079539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193063330245316,0.0,0.10505962592786172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747623013784015,0.0,0.0,0.14285158931006015,0.1095191991127328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848009342956667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074535830173845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356669305764486
suicidewatch,EZ-E25,2019/03/03,"I came here to say goodbye to anyone that cares to listen.. Why am I even here? I doubt anyone will even care to read this.. but why not get this off my chest. I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for quite a few years now. Made one suicide attempt, came close to dying, looking back I wish I would have died that day. I truly do. I haven't been taking my depression meds, which is why I'm feeling like killing myself. I don't care though. I do care but then again I don't.. I care about how upset my family will be, at the same time I'm sick of living like a loser.. idk what else to say here...",-0.061875000000000575,2.182736562500004,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.625,4.45,16.59375,5.985473137389443,-0.5771656250000001,472,11,108,4,16,152,82,128,0.269,0.535,0.196,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,3,11,13,1,2,3,0,14,2,1,2,0,16,31,6,5,2,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,3,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,6,0,1,6,5,15,7,12,21,2,12,0,3,1,0,4,3,0,1,9,68,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618433164749255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898983276898104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647303821622965,0.5899762599588156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463678445327562,0.11931336128562092,0.1993575172130496,0.0,0.24022057398462685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667822359317492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287818872436976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910068767990168,0.0,0.058516964018101476,0.08267809847284742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060464560411534675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803897060107655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308043500699486,0.0,0.10219240658664366,0.0,0.0971847148482307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095072703908319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855081645375138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842217746600774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309393922010482,0.1157621069570542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406753631656472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318139763966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701515012433096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137049121649252,0.09187731886375572,0.06748355349289092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132871077138548,0.0,0.13308469535780384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221183171595563,0.0,0.0,0.07452683345102372
suicidewatch,F4llingIntoTheSky,2019/03/03,"What is wanting to live even like? In the almost 18 years I have spent on this planet I have not once experienced what it is like to genuinely enjoy being alive.

Every time I smile something draws me back and makes me feeel completely empty, every time things go ""well"" for me I can't stop remembering that it does not matter anyway and every time I try to ""think positive"" I can't help it but rationally conclude that some distant day all information of my presence on earth will disappear just like the information of all those who will temporarily remember me and eventually every single thing any human being has ever done will ultimately be forgotten and permanently lost.
Which leads me to the conclusion that nothing matters and that has been my philosophy ever since I can think. This made me think about death early. To this day I believe that death is pure nothingness, which seems like the ultimate form of existence to me.
I want to become part or this nothingness and I do not want anything else this world has to offer, I only live on because I have been raised or rather programmed to care about those closest to me, even though that doesn't make any sense to me if I think about it.
I am here waiting until I am old enough to isolate myself in order to minimise the harm I will cause for those around me when I will take my life.

People don't understand how others do not want to live? I don't see any reason to live in the first place.

TL;DR I rationally cannot see any reason to live so I have decided to take my life eventually.",6.452929292929291,6.915305420875419,6.816717171717173,75.57840909090909,65.4983164983165,9.967003367003366,29.968013468013467,9.861636050157227,2.7380760942760944,1238,40,229,25,18,402,153,297,0.101,0.807,0.092,-0.7869,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,5,18,9,0,0,6,0,32,2,0,9,5,53,54,15,2,6,10,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,26,7,0,2,15,0,1,3,12,2,1,1,6,3,35,7,33,40,7,29,0,1,2,0,6,10,0,6,19,170,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422077047401764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559464712451966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743070475517927,0.08376291683824773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235187998088591,0.0,0.05735835502007375,0.10391857158775468,0.0,0.10601084024077807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593431119918024,0.09665965855346056,0.0,0.0,0.09865495346513778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136468859181747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234161298625381,0.096290034962002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860281351845423,0.0,0.0,0.09722345142053916,0.0,0.12429537193305455,0.17022541315956566,0.3171103922443633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003564688740529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534753466567273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306870356014599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292165126588665,0.18387678248709535,0.0,0.4154301961387649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271386731696368,0.0,0.0,0.08903328209325066,0.12561591316667267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028498458018397,0.0,0.09873500870230974,0.10020621096227672,0.0,0.07156213562165642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189379051807476,0.0,0.06523239295550777,0.0,0.09830739066376946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934870076178229,0.0,0.0,0.2131785571541745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996023188981336,0.08565893575888367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778348858838298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243755956571132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866614712382493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149278636489004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250227119212527,0.2411645503287672,0.092446113249259,0.0,0.1645995439392456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388312155350903,0.0,0.0,0.0979543628714858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199448172011474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460110705978759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060592950244125775
suicidewatch,Terence763,2019/03/03,Suicidal fail Cut my wrists. Felt very very weary and light headed. In great pain buy unfortunately didn't do anything serious. Any less painful ways to die?,3.4332142857142856,6.641765892857144,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,86.5,7.085714285714286,24.857142857142854,8.07648339933343,1.9986142857142868,127,5,23,3,4,38,27,28,0.528,0.359,0.113,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867119312081392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621140288415672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27268108718093004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522701677470778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896701293653371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26964550624119754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5591445876289867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873932803390476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43357356573590894,0.0,0.2085495958374308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohfukitmanimtired,2019/03/03,"Life s always been shitty for me, last month got shittier than ever and I feel soo tired about it I just feel like sharing everything with someone and the internet is my only option. Where do I start, I am 21, I didnt do anything with my life because I am waiting for immigration paperwork since I was 18. I still havent immigrated anywhere, only ideas like maybe next month they are done and finally you’ll be able to be here, still hasnt happened. My mom turned into a completely irational control freak, I mean she(and mostly my whole family since they are religious fanatics) have mostly traumatized me with this control, I never could make a choice in my life for ex. going to college because I always had to do ehat they wanted. When I tell my parents that I dont give a flying fuck about the immigration anymore and that I jut want to go work and build my life on my own where no one watches me 24/7 and tries to control my life she starts crying and emotionally backmails me constantly.. I have an exgf and we broke up a year ago but always been on good terms since we were getting along so well, she s the person I would give my life for in a blink of an eye and I just found out that she was profiting of me and I never meant anything to her.. I cant escape my family, I have no one left to talk about these things and it just feels like its such a great burden. I wont get into details of my health or financiary situations because they are 100% worse than the others(parents wont let me check the doc for what I believe I have is gastritis because they say its too expensive and I basically live in constant pain while eating as much as nothing, on top of liver, lung and mental problems). My life is fucked up in every single way you can think it so whats stuck in my mind right now is it even worth it ? Like lets say I get over it all and I get to live a normal life, even then it all seems plain pointless and boring to me, even now, I cant take my mind of anything because I have literally no hobbies other than redditing and playing some crapshit mobile game.. I feel like nothing has any sense or point and this life is just boring as fuck.. ",5.398020205600852,5.499004693548387,6.0914285714285725,81.12087912087914,67.73271889400922,8.981070542360868,29.825948245303092,8.730908602173464,2.1345943991492367,1703,57,345,25,26,558,223,434,0.116,0.7979999999999999,0.087,-0.894,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,2,5,5,24,21,3,0,14,0,42,19,3,4,5,65,73,28,0,6,7,3,4,5,1,4,12,2,0,1,19,26,1,4,10,2,4,2,13,10,1,2,12,8,64,11,46,52,10,45,0,1,2,3,26,20,3,7,27,243,83,3,0.0694099131320182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061527700037021536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326382411414845,0.0,0.0,0.04720112109711262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883598282693057,0.0,0.0,0.17135533319930846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115581940287828,0.0,0.0,0.07820120329798114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277497334006118,0.1500149155446431,0.23354735886680345,0.055418167699881435,0.0,0.07624353033709227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103043974116853,0.08134790125266646,0.0,0.0,0.07102366933786443,0.0,0.07807680995462192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753377900964986,0.06278524022043128,0.058480845438731485,0.0,0.062381154346022816,0.0,0.1308669775535833,0.0,0.14038295045635096,0.14875936743081067,0.0,0.07603516710637548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610438713623771,0.0,0.19250503870233399,0.14505525929184904,0.13316862675209312,0.07889450637000353,0.05821774200411346,0.05551344824791017,0.07652467426656914,0.0,0.0,0.06137895695288539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377949190546956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835534332238482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657834322029383,0.0,0.0,0.07541407370860266,0.1419526776859618,0.4412364690612887,0.16955088763083914,0.0,0.12258044988826056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046331655992430686,0.0,0.06973158706752973,0.07560774361406074,0.0,0.0,0.06994886705127723,0.0,0.14016845144258894,0.08129205136923587,0.11080466090555786,0.0,0.05102427255899737,0.0,0.10706640798565394,0.0,0.07381823005419752,0.0,0.06800697774941702,0.13320136729176135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406790696185292,0.10557873333474822,0.07385704133521116,0.0,0.07707149442368767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060605888172275,0.0,0.0,0.06561480317636204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641591285381714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059275686565421426,0.0,0.110395097665002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318817806136467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224979221517006,0.07801965052174703,0.0,0.0,0.05881079415307736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825738753140956,0.0,0.11086169257533936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218761650500701,0.05578905897473629,0.06066732344314504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04611286208850378,0.044475069685542636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977648453455234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712477483028138,0.0754980539293344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187953022820617,0.05509435827867505,0.0,0.0,0.06240784770114335,0.0,0.0,0.07749368924099828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053124342818486,0.0,0.07073463133630101,0.049306810821289175,0.0,0.0,0.04469770836362685
suicidewatch,cmwhph32u1,2019/03/03,"Should I take a week break? Next week is probably the busiest week of my life and I'm still busy crying from this week. I'm already suicidal enough and next week is going to make me do it. I can't live my life going to bed at 2am and waking up at 5am. I'm doing my additional language speech tomorrow and I only started learning it now at 10:53pm, I haven't had a free day in over 3 weeks, I'm done with school and life. It's starting to physically hurt. I want to take a break but I also know this will screw me over even more.",1.7836685823754763,2.8379282672413773,3.6780459770114966,91.64932950191572,76.67241379310343,6.879693486590037,23.233716475095786,7.3871296695380915,0.6650222222222228,413,12,99,5,9,140,73,116,0.102,0.887,0.011,-0.8075,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,10,5,1,1,0,13,23,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,11,2,14,19,2,25,0,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,14,56,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394221667946292,0.1115584603388545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323469508899376,0.08996625037053244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427573949901413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441412568000812,0.0,0.0921387322867614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585626422904859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933811811188782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666579966867759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29559988237610674,0.0,0.0,0.12318145408175785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311763434325553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967206246707895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060963791872162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504050805999244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118190407963807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747827457684924,0.0,0.11140524044285596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525908516562012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977395635300453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228098038664171,0.0,0.6713930839752995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,accountname_7,2019/03/03,I just want to die I'm not in control of anything in my life.  All my time goes to school and homework but I still don't get good marks.  Just found out I'll be going to summerschool which means I won't get to see my dad.  I don't make any of the decisions in my life anymore.  My mom wants me to get a job on top of it.  I don't know what to do all my waking hours are misery and I'm losing sleep. I just want to blow my brains out and be done with it. Feeling empty,-1.3010124610591909,0.4438651214953282,1.2314252336448632,102.11542445482868,89.37383177570094,4.314330218068536,15.45872274143302,5.46131890053228,-1.0772174454828662,356,7,95,2,12,121,64,107,0.152,0.787,0.061,-0.9128,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,2,0,9,5,3,2,2,23,24,4,1,3,5,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,2,14,1,17,19,2,11,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,57,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094582467596433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096547558918747,0.0,0.0,0.1584585626842995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495805220145173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596981029883305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998444696694974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705336002226165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736294811796543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112955589572024,0.0,0.0,0.3018103189616655,0.0,0.1094349663620087,0.16150824514987006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963052583867468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108378408312185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582466445643536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720183663032881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154227882433422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285337458415378,0.0,0.0,0.20975176244357666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255212261641941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487865112104755,0.15344353948602432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269674166423045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377681103573482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228193102280247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407265238813008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Psyll,2019/03/03,"I can’t stop thinking about killing myself on my ex’s doorstep We broke up a couple months ago after a year and a half.  She cheated on me, which led to us breaking up and myself spiraling into a craze.  I made a lot of mistakes that I’m not proud of, threatened the guy she cheated on me with’s life, just all sorts of absolute shittyness.

I want nothing more than to start over, I can’t live with myself knowing how much I’ve hurt her.  She started talking to me again a few days ago, then last night got really drunk and started telling me she misses me and to come over, then ghosted me for the rest of the night and blocked all contact for seemingly no reason.

I talked to her today, she says that while she still loves me she can’t be with me because of how I handled her cheating.  I can’t live without her, nobody has ever known me like her, I can’t just sit in a room and be content with anyone’s presence like her.  I’m fucking losing it.

All I can think about is blowing my head off on her apartment doorstep just to get it through to her how much I love her.  I don’t know what to do and I’m too poor to get professional help.",4.663235294117644,4.42174061764706,5.219831932773111,87.91781512605043,69.29411764705883,7.808403361344537,30.865546218487395,6.868970318607317,1.5468957983193272,889,33,197,6,14,286,130,238,0.18,0.742,0.078,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,2,12,15,5,0,10,0,12,6,1,6,4,41,33,13,2,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,6,14,1,2,7,1,1,2,9,10,0,1,2,1,43,5,37,29,9,37,0,4,0,3,28,13,1,3,22,140,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452411784161139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672307160877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432426496681239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915845419455863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530587532031007,0.0,0.08921096285667095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512678264856794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278832203868973,0.14454271288697304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063458782034533,0.0,0.0,0.1369677674672769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419657826209582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271922230436824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808439001397405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304088907594568,0.0,0.15204434503940514,0.11275685224563363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977060842945043,0.13516142959696426,0.0,0.2442946344759035,0.0,0.0,0.15475511740698752,0.0,0.11760263477481064,0.24969521051586716,0.13089054013959706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041313748980648,0.0,0.203375922107672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596253781719343,0.0,0.13273070609503354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861729970470246,0.14222557195277774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000502142302107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259298108040125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937305980695587,0.0,0.11046996764068094,0.1156494992170912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236772311427225,0.12090591622631902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772716758997718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112001381725952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639313088481011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159021249470046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333445209460161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907954193802073
suicidewatch,withpurpose,2019/03/03,"I had a bad mirror self-talk just now. I usually tell myself it's a bad day, not a bad life, but today while trying to reassure myself talking
Into the mirror, I said outloud, ""You don't want this life. You can kill yourself. You only have this life with your fucked up thoughts. That's who you really are. If you think you can change, you're still the same underneath. You could hang yourself. It's not hard."" I won't do it but I really scared myself just now. Nobody would ever suspect this of me. Please somebody help me through this. I don't have the means for therapy.",1.3006421404682271,3.7092721478260913,2.6356521739130443,91.92224080267559,84.04347826086956,5.625418060200667,19.2809364548495,7.010146845296331,0.3510334448160535,447,12,92,6,13,144,72,115,0.224,0.6990000000000001,0.077,-0.9597,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,8,0,0,6,7,2,1,6,0,12,4,0,0,1,18,18,4,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,2,19,1,8,12,1,12,0,0,0,1,14,3,1,1,8,67,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267546616594576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022851530429704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602631435570908,0.0,0.0,0.10987433956117312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541091157934723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750400994484492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261775578144793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141951951766908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848879189982748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36101139834847795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558251070783927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957380734459728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701473106346148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182863398614386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206056562689944,0.0,0.17056975584197875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773271678475833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605743450348098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738733663950751,0.1489105965120962,0.0,0.1948325597323401,0.0,0.0,0.10916600207355164,0.0,0.1352544834930041,0.0,0.0,0.1614905215693005,0.0,0.0,0.11566981914163102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187638116296002,0.0,0.10048844251254076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102572183505282,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Black_raspberries,2019/03/03,"My thoughts So I have a girlfriend who i love more than anything in the world i wouldn't give her up for anything but once a thought came into my head and now its popped up  again . I used to like this other girl way before but i couldn't have and when i first got my girlfriend i thought about that girl i used to like and the thought popped into my head that what if she made me happier and i should've went out with her instead and I'm not sure if the thought of regret came into my head but soon after i realised what i was thinking  and i instantly thought what the f*ck am i thinking. I love this  girl.though to pieces . I feel  bad about it because those thoughts aren't mine and the ones i don't agree with , my depression and anxiety dont help me atm with this now not sure if they influenced that thought then tbh. I feel guilty although they arent my thoughts I just want to be happy with my girlfriend. ",3.397743161094226,4.608293622340426,3.267355623100308,95.55500000000002,72.88297872340425,6.4352583586626135,27.258358662613983,6.5431188927421005,0.8260550151975679,723,26,164,5,14,217,98,188,0.149,0.721,0.13,-0.3995,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,10,10,0,0,7,0,11,5,3,4,2,50,36,18,0,7,9,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,14,18,0,0,13,0,1,3,8,3,0,2,15,2,34,7,21,18,2,20,0,2,0,2,15,8,0,3,10,117,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826612876860023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838323062165986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542376752749314,0.06236663576782241,0.0,0.08705745006017089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340285523106608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811861858193318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990542250544052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346104034538528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702400959933311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814414514262372,0.0,0.0,0.08182587828818008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890986604750068,0.0,0.0,0.3149957462315196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857558697260095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996604954516562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846757899798092,0.09680727896712282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089557791287901,0.06932724726007437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928501020909515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111099215799618,0.10051810361628437,0.7309974840597973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767243084306888,0.0,0.0,0.060344517285491985,0.08120814680334619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948414968312096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,insert--username--,2019/03/03,"Finally finally dying 23 year old girl here. Dealt with depression and suicidal ideation for most of my life. Been in therapy, tried multiple antidepressants, and no, it does not get better. Fuck people who perpetuate that bullshit. 
I tried to fight it for so long, but now I’m just done. I don’t have the strength or desire to hang on for another few years, living in a nightmare of a reality, just to get back to this place again. And it always comes back to this.
It’s been 37 hours since I ate or drank anything. Hopefully I can hold strong and just fucking die now. Anyone know how many days it will take? ",3.6293220338983048,5.609837355932207,4.412000000000003,84.44783050847458,73.74576271186443,8.448813559322032,26.206779661016952,9.120678840339163,2.1099938983050848,480,17,96,11,10,154,88,118,0.138,0.728,0.133,0.3362,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,11,8,3,0,3,0,7,5,0,1,0,19,18,9,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,6,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,0,5,4,14,12,2,19,0,1,0,2,3,4,2,4,13,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372910506665905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852539234393815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123767996411667,0.0,0.1322560867757707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24716232526611825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214079253548725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844313988224202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364892607309087,0.0,0.1384249918796137,0.0,0.3335969615592852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406441998274396,0.16446890493689714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521144094348482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29715985639940073,0.16793560435499294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962787014635849,0.1582734997453044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832565289167481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351890377198165,0.0,0.0,0.1419157225638679,0.14222915388763138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294143023888874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864506038046484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142067027018418,0.0,0.1679146642334727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294645133583702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579790018595587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083889905682907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837934649799206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823207458596344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699247180624486
suicidewatch,Ooijennnnnn,2019/03/03,"My chronic neck pain is destroying my life I just can't live anymore, my neck hurts 24/7, the med i take isn't so uselful and it didn't make me enjoy orgasms, it's like they don't happen at all.
Honestly, I can't enjoy anything anymore, and I became useless, I can't study or stay alert, I've started to suffer again from anxiety and panic attacks, I can't sleep, I'm always angry.
My lazy eye is getting worse and I don't want to be ugly. I hate myself and everyday I think about killing me. I'm too scared to do it but fuck, living like this is horrible. ",1.8730508474576268,3.4173505423728834,3.9120000000000026,88.03257627118643,77.47457627118644,6.4149152542372905,25.359322033898305,7.1686216300943375,1.1270277966101694,436,16,92,5,10,149,75,118,0.358,0.575,0.068,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,5,16,5,2,1,0,13,9,5,1,1,12,24,8,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,1,1,17,5,6,22,1,5,0,3,1,2,1,1,1,1,5,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953988473299024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667767432375692,0.0,0.3803015945829105,0.0,0.0,0.15778256220981346,0.0,0.0,0.21812761655085106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725703471058435,0.10017425506588708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955169552606347,0.0,0.0,0.18929981014165467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052575762589424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121277060821737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542895403188265,0.18734525252897075,0.0,0.3386131688887425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798540770376576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297570326682674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402084373209486,0.22496112822770814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196139287149053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918746776079228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571187489142253,0.20436528642607274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441617665591815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122856820125046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130909831990661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539557644628672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Morty_Smith420,2019/03/03,Its a giant loop Why do i keep making the same mistakes over and over again why cant  i be a normal person and just learn from them. Everytime i try the same things  and fail them in the same way. Then i become a emotional wreck and worsen the situation. Im so fucking retarded like goddamn i feel bad that im associating with retarded people because they are way smarter than me. Im just such a fucking moron and i get disgusted by myself. I cant even take control over my own emotions. A heartache feels like my heart is getting clammed between two concrete slabs.  I cant take this pain anymore. I have people that love me but im a ungrateful piece of shit and have a feeling they pity me and thats why they befriend me. There is litterally no benefit bring friends with me outside buying shit for you because im too afraid that my personality on its own wont be enough. Im getting fucking suicidal again and damn this time i feel like i really fucked it up again. I mean like people will say that you have experienced once so you can experience it again. But how many more times will my retarded ass make the same mistakes and for how long people will take my shit. I already realiser one friend of mine has grown a little tired of me. Actually make that two maybe three. I just want to fucking scream my lungs out and cry like a fucking bitch all one in my room so nobody will see me and give a shit. Comeone i want everyone to suddenly hate and give up on me. That will push me enough over the edge to fucking quit. ,2.5972268907563034,4.665393601307192,3.8270448179271694,87.08955882352943,77.0392156862745,6.9858076563958935,25.96125116713352,7.957251820313856,1.5165055088702144,1206,46,248,20,28,393,158,306,0.284,0.611,0.105,-0.9972,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,5,3,17,33,16,1,16,0,20,17,7,6,1,43,50,20,1,5,5,0,4,5,2,6,2,2,1,2,14,15,0,2,6,0,1,3,5,24,0,5,0,8,41,9,25,42,11,28,0,2,1,9,16,14,14,0,14,164,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.06903273885977779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806414429073277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015578626275852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059065546881205126,0.08624577340449836,0.0781275681157523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934173338812307,0.0,0.0,0.07770535987981192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914757852811562,0.0,0.14618814918741185,0.0,0.046723578802139634,0.0,0.0,0.0675957900855487,0.0,0.06919799885270206,0.0,0.0,0.14307453547823973,0.10107436990039008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930821055208992,0.457790594228524,0.11087732043523604,0.13572189037838284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984181612198519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382809454562479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584727046709882,0.0,0.0,0.06287760283255855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280171423130308,0.07090078632181983,0.0,0.06260331167374451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384626226749683,0.0,0.14165994098654588,0.07171998752006868,0.07106856206836397,0.0770573831150747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931088653676774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533655873979739,0.0958714861614344,0.0,0.07527311433818372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961708343799252,0.12353613730843258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752414640336401,0.0,0.0,0.045318317052975815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625586036676905,0.0,0.0,0.056371195507300326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904573326062898,0.0,0.07951553390412848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737886668176468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956465435933426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469969914540027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249896615816918,0.08130605197970238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802830576249745,0.0,0.13820681004660398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344941970869588,0.11230138264751843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914974920504056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostChild36,2019/03/03,"They say if you just give life a chance things would be great Let me tell you from now things isn't awesome at all, you just keep trying just to fail; to do what please the people around that dont even give a shit about you. They some people dont try but they dont know how much we fight really. They dont know what we go through on a daily basis",4.926842105263155,3.6856480000000014,4.862105263157896,94.04473684210528,69.0,8.126315789473685,21.63157894736842,5.985473137389443,-0.0710947368421051,272,2,69,1,4,84,52,76,0.102,0.7979999999999999,0.1,-0.2812,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,2,4,4,1,8,4,2,0,4,0,9,2,1,1,1,15,15,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,1,11,1,8,12,3,5,0,1,0,0,15,3,1,2,1,48,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637564715941045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7181715842407195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011835692101272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293916383130342,0.08706400496376937,0.0,0.0,0.16889755514659188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616637340467874,0.0,0.0,0.16838345947027894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665182790686588,0.10820585586750668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261563634139934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241165281393853,0.0,0.0,0.16816163528737027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814036483451652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182647149099725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572520254752597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389880721532282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20355133144193469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801811525371727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882502773918212,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMangaReader,2019/03/03,"Everything i touch turns into shit. So at this point in my life im 21 years old and it gets worse every day. Ive dealt with this for almost 8 years now, but each day, life just gets more shit. I have no contact to my dad since im 8 years old, i have no relation to my family (except my grandfather) cause they hate me and basically most of my friends abandoned me. I still live in the same place with my mum, her friend and their kid, but i don't interact with them. The only times they see me is when i go to make food.

​

Ive always tried to not be like my dad, but i straight happened exactly where he did and at this point i question every decision countless of times, just too end up being eaten up by it afterwards for weeks. 

I don't blame anyone but myself for this shit and i just cant help it. It was ""fine"" for 8 years, cause i told myself it would get better or i just kept going and kept going and kept going, but realizing today it just doesn't happen. I tried everything. I searched for a work and found it, i tried being a nice person to my family, i did sports regularly but every time i fix some broken shit i get slapped by my own decisions, past shit, people around me or something else. 

​

I am so disappointed in myself at this point that i don't want  to find friends, or be in a relationship, and i cant even get a conversation going anymore cause i just don't know what to say, or what to do. The thing with people is: every time i talk to them i feel like they are watching down on me and it drives me mad cause i really tried to get my act together.",4.05297655013667,4.296002063444114,5.244756150194217,85.53394763343405,70.66163141993957,8.600834412314775,25.12746367429147,8.563005593585519,1.3690611710545246,1237,31,275,19,21,412,161,331,0.17800000000000002,0.748,0.073,-0.9899,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,6,2,15,17,7,0,7,0,24,9,5,5,1,59,50,23,0,2,18,3,2,2,3,1,2,1,0,2,17,17,2,4,8,1,0,7,10,9,0,0,9,5,53,8,37,36,6,46,0,2,2,0,25,19,5,8,22,179,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510770992306663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241103011863044,0.16253801618745875,0.1822810858296443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074385832462524,0.05244596397728196,0.0,0.0,0.06677127377059541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633674307172213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082074391611124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674537556632712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265791807029386,0.0,0.06643308445493401,0.0,0.0,0.049540779028663925,0.0,0.25278327946646784,0.0,0.13482117652533027,0.0,0.1414180297483785,0.0,0.037925305212448884,0.05358432672613857,0.0,0.0,0.06855415756997994,0.0,0.09069759581752583,0.08224024643350437,0.1738484308290542,0.0,0.23512534663636894,0.0,0.21313829235966988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265517890842304,0.0,0.0,0.07405293147838668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502749645156594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203877881417195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412213555166038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595796208784214,0.07328832045815199,0.0,0.06623170349360985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05006711110712739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741243370344787,0.0,0.0,0.05704546987576058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160174796520706,0.10399948170750417,0.06549237705408263,0.07836534284448568,0.0,0.2127148428348804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402392566317347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048050786960899386,0.0,0.0,0.08052841186879353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059647809926962475,0.0,0.0,0.059770099204834275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849630877174053,0.06204576763113796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774331056756338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059899916814979776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060287010132047424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049830677108324055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494648985868866,0.0,0.07109695139931002,0.07167148120389204,0.0,0.20369669823254488,0.08158502806524816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424050305912587,0.0,0.06016531735910832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460528713917665,0.0,0.07643755808803504,0.05328213556905683,0.0,0.1822810858296443,0.19320571069087547
suicidewatch,fuckthisimoutt,2019/03/03,On antidepressants and still depressed Yeah I think I’ll always be depressed because there’s legit no meaning to life and it’s all pointless. ,4.279487179487177,7.470756692307699,4.128461538461536,80.89987179487181,78.23076923076924,5.005128205128205,31.743589743589745,6.42735559955562,2.0475282051282053,118,6,18,1,3,36,22,26,0.303,0.621,0.076,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199102334955828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343696323073078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6622877114410906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715628657931654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188010573582832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070386170236582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463531553787128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,becomposed,2019/03/03,"Please help I am diagnosed with depression but then my mom didn't take me to psychiatrist next time . 
She thinks I am just kidding around . 
I need help . 
If medicines of any kind . 
I don't wanna die but my brain keeps telling me I have to do it . 
I am just so confused",-0.35140909090909034,1.918306290909093,1.036704545454544,99.87505681818182,95.1818181818182,4.931818181818182,19.602272727272727,6.6274283507984215,0.06740909090909053,206,7,49,3,8,65,40,55,0.101,0.621,0.278,0.8788,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,7,2,1,0,0,12,11,5,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,11,1,6,10,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351913303062313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271485696079774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848455454631521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197709393420132,0.2589843919467785,0.264818211682781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420598599349446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268000012599333,0.0,0.26571229933059365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29884303482642416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891996331726229,0.0,0.0,0.2713680307403331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28009161249893105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185031542476225,0.0,0.22302312153740086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634977168748644,0.0,0.0,0.14878720550497332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jessoh,2019/03/03,"Is this suicide? I will start this off by saying I don’t plan on killing myself. 

I always believed that being unlucky is real. Whenever something good happens something of equal negative force pushes me down. I try not too believe it but it gets too me sometimes. I finally believe that some people meed to be lonely, and must die alone. I have learned too accept this, but then take this away and I loose motivation to move forward, this feeling of no regret and not feeling anything. So I sought out some way to find meaning. BAM in the military. Join the infantry, I would not die alone but given another name, dying for my brother in arms. If i was going to die i will due with honor. I belong here. Ill never find a women so, i will never have to think about her. Is this another form of suicide or something else? ",2.384970215934477,4.944515196202538,3.6435666418466153,85.49387565152645,80.58227848101266,5.4897989575577055,26.38272524199553,6.794906146795322,1.3725840655249448,643,27,115,7,17,209,104,158,0.268,0.631,0.1,-0.9886,0,4,3,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,3,8,6,1,0,3,0,14,2,1,1,3,31,24,11,7,4,8,1,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,9,0,0,4,8,3,0,0,2,3,18,3,19,15,4,18,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,4,7,90,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468024844358621,0.0,0.0,0.09914055812805823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498738243615681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980485306638894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194332965835437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027164864216487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946266400620306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953274215829264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048946856965125,0.0,0.0,0.13052064866096913,0.217797957526672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062249835355690675,0.0,0.06771447041599518,0.09993556585892872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536205259358952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181944571796872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297869409097675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663531132268507,0.0,0.0,0.1837883383689674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260211890360163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561634108357126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947511546602423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751775139882435,0.11784027285903698,0.0,0.08433346334591314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606568246080578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958435704854614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634513298928611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089357086892891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457401954587864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463921599323662,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unknown-111,2019/03/03,Im going to kill myself I’ve always wanted to kill myself but now more than ever. Last year I had a thing with a guy and I gave head to him and I started noticing bumps in the back of my throat but idk if they’ve always been there or not. But I’m young and I don’t know where to get an std test without my mom wondering where I am. So I am going to kill myself. I hate the guy so much and it angers me. I feel like such a slut and now I can never grow up and live a happy life. I can’t talk to anyone about it because then they’ll judge me and think I’m gross so I came here.,-0.7050344431687705,0.7674001268656738,1.8150746268656728,100.40851320321472,85.04477611940298,4.421584385763492,14.039035591274395,4.713530739802397,-1.3783448909299651,443,5,117,1,13,152,84,134,0.23,0.711,0.058,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,1,0,13,9,5,0,7,0,8,5,2,0,2,23,22,16,3,2,7,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,1,20,2,13,17,2,18,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,3,11,79,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661447326100657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182492127336437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297426004691303,0.0,0.09749022786920182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829142827072069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466344364519526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086407319136105,0.11425213044481868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355543936095752,0.0,0.1817807965073054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31670643951360944,0.0,0.17024563739019544,0.0,0.15789514777952227,0.16413159963853727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274898114157958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308077510734757,0.0,0.08789188882908731,0.13036213506950994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296141657241345,0.0781324247280494,0.0,0.14121877962204962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187304978857577,0.0,0.0,0.11756500336640575,0.0,0.1233458311503434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207834740827814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319740112460892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854354559567216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624862471877797,0.10247498798255666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432929431564578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541642579067011,0.17343438849942622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029879696602121
suicidewatch,aryalva88,2019/03/03,"I really try to be happy, but now, I can’t do it anymore I always been a very depressed person, but I continued my life normally, but now I can’t do it anymore. My bf of 10 years confessed me he has a daughter of 3 years, I thought he loved me, but now i see is not true, how can anyone loves me, I’m ugly, I’m stupid, fat. I'm not worth anything. the only thing that hurt the most is leave my mommy she’s the best, really, but every day is even harder,  specially the morning, I can’t do it anymore without him. I think is time to prepare me, sorry for the grammar but the English is not my native language. ",1.9173076923076948,2.95502611538462,4.366153846153846,86.91384615384617,76.30769230769229,6.7384615384615385,26.07692307692308,7.1686216300943375,1.1983692307692309,465,17,101,5,10,164,78,130,0.185,0.6859999999999999,0.129,-0.7314,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,1,0,8,0,15,4,1,1,1,17,23,7,0,1,10,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,2,1,19,6,6,20,2,8,1,2,1,2,10,0,0,1,8,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456085116951763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206392364692731,0.12235944102565365,0.0,0.14400464243328967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364475747357425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285625411748045,0.0,0.15072154292037224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558147796746625,0.0,0.1474394711743059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862837084159184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733403401440196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529272378030426,0.0,0.0,0.12360300040344195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158767176985948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145635909182794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309035200625505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152797470769155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421048208496006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944706845162294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589076348129272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625782680904705,0.1121286928340796,0.0,0.13892519782670953,0.10204004791380103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880901905674705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438786638783038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686873749500394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538000038801906
suicidewatch,GuinnessLover12,2019/03/03,"My friend says if she doesn’t pass her nursing test in two days, she’ll kill herself. She already has the pills. I’ve talked to and comforted her about her mental health in the past. She recently got into therapy and started taking medication, which I thought was a good sign. But we were supposed to play DND today with our other friends, yet she isn’t coming. She has left our Facebook chat and has personally messaged me to lie about her to the others, saying she’s said bad things about them. She said that it would make our friends less sad if she kills herself. I started messaging her back and comforting her as I have done in the past when she isolates herself (this past year she moved back upstate to start commuting and has left the group chat before). And then she said that, if she fails her big nursing test on Tuesday she will certainly kill herself. She claims to already have the pills lined up. I asked her to please not hurt herself, but she didn’t directly respond to that plea. What should I do? 

TLDR: Friend has history of isolating self during moments of extreme depression and is going to hurt herself if she doesn’t perform well on this critical test in two days. I don’t know what to say/do. ",5.8742307692307705,6.651189243589744,5.521350427350427,83.26253846153847,66.82051282051282,8.633162393162394,32.266666666666666,8.648137234880735,2.453448205128205,969,39,186,14,15,298,131,234,0.095,0.79,0.114,0.1775,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,4,0,1,2,8,19,3,0,7,0,21,4,0,1,1,25,35,16,3,6,7,0,0,0,4,4,4,5,0,2,12,11,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,9,1,2,9,5,44,10,25,22,1,33,0,5,0,0,55,11,0,4,18,131,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314727694598885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804753815360004,0.0,0.0,0.16129067603675382,0.08756943306351264,0.0,0.0,0.08924415026849089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903438159525953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527632367766887,0.0,0.09033197311364533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732744497259017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241164615468734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059605049764027564,0.08796737742499787,0.08388117240689204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114812802292202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454988976326865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34809862236019606,0.0,0.05763865609755527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279022874027827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000742607164911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565437631871544,0.10569318177808984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146958673531608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003561000283977,0.0,0.09157613937540647,0.0,0.11512544873021895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355518107533042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992913215954962,0.2502115391596752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094114814246521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270130366338506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885581954866318,0.08429762196323824,0.0,0.0,0.11993806979211385,0.0,0.0696768270950748,0.0,0.0,0.08326206719845056,0.0,0.0,0.09941285724189257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204902733325048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942986537097294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450290388852336,0.0,0.0,0.06753852084091187
suicidewatch,NoodlesNThangz,2019/03/03,"3...2... 1. I got a hold of some razors and tried to slit my wrist today but I couldn’t cut deep enough so now there’s just pointless blood everywhere. 
I don’t think that that will be an effective way for me to go.

I can jump in front of a train or car but I find that that may inconvenience too many people.

Guns aren’t sold in my city, so I’m not really sure where to get one. 

Any of concoction  of the available medications I have will likely not cause me to overdose. 

I work for a suicide prevention hot line, so I talk people out of suicide on a regular basis. All and all, it just seems pretty clear that life is just constant pain for some people.  I wish suicide was seen as a more viable solution. 

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, I guess because maybe it’ll help me figure out what to put in a note or something.

Cheers. ",2.243768472906403,3.61460964942529,3.76978653530378,90.17172413793104,76.06896551724137,7.0403940886699505,22.773399014778327,7.7094869923839395,0.8206433497536949,645,18,145,9,14,214,115,174,0.17800000000000002,0.687,0.136,-0.8798,1,0,1,1,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,1,0,8,0,12,5,2,2,5,34,24,10,3,2,10,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,5,0,1,5,6,2,0,1,4,2,15,4,20,14,6,17,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,7,4,89,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559124512982984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465323113388427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950856678475347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779539714549396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043894242995024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419170861142973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112394941713366,0.0,0.08824545866582778,0.0,0.12418633256373605,0.0,0.17105116967382847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407649545220957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967420330973912,0.07585874624025969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742286926497154,0.15599301313608022,0.0,0.0,0.15642162761726075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521728289486157,0.0,0.16522185861105138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229411006821846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579688824280808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609266648157233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994721241235976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135508318240006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953705900296872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095317345157051,0.0,0.2926867076069856,0.0,0.0,0.12480288740693207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949293313754937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718103951463735,0.0,0.0,0.1054204547505264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232488075506773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011010364990867,0.0,0.17855676152970973,0.0,0.0,0.11304089368053084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Strawhat-Vmc,2019/03/03,"My cousin is in a psychiatric facility for a suicide attempt. For the last few years i’ve felt depressed. i’ve only ever cut myself and have lacked the conviction to go further. i’ve had embarrassing and crazy moments when the people around me couldn’t help but make fun and ignore me. i no longer talk to anyone or go outside. so his situation hits home for me. the worst part is i can’t see him since he’s in CA and im in AR. its the loneliness that kills us all. i don’t think it gets better unless we force ourselves out of our situation how idk. ig i just wanted to rant since i honestly dont talk to anyone i mean this so literally. hope anyone reading this keeps their head up too i’m trying and i hate that i can’t do shit for him or anyone else. but i dont need a god or higher power, i got me.",1.2241279069767437,3.0177396104651213,3.5583139534883728,88.69816860465116,80.22093023255816,6.3930232558139535,20.63372093023256,7.413659706084162,0.5551906976744188,631,17,140,9,16,218,111,172,0.244,0.66,0.096,-0.9789,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,3,0,1,3,8,12,4,1,8,0,11,2,2,2,2,29,27,15,2,5,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,2,3,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,3,2,23,4,16,22,5,14,0,1,1,0,12,7,1,4,5,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901296154740371,0.1429206958493094,0.0,0.12417281228789072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336472677659888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201397642272048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269549482547272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652331099184388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261737835354348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392918882781205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287608848158203,0.0,0.158547109701501,0.0,0.11156032497360838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771432295010635,0.14315368418098118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349505227399936,0.0,0.13991661922598772,0.1385418516054739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506696647287264,0.0,0.0,0.12398226425967344,0.15432146181343426,0.0,0.0,0.1137003474894382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931085126616248,0.0,0.0,0.15194200170088354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342768424836607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608598612472116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105059614549166,0.0,0.09670257425724624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952453291643008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111152908876495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318118115623282,0.2307698212794085,0.3135779830380511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525759040560137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422838953902247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937750011826726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470237141271842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778542877593586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227292024945455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898249168085051
suicidewatch,BetterStay,2019/03/03,"im just so tired. i guess i could just say it like i feel completely empty. im desensitized to the abuse (i only say it like this because i was informed that it WAS abuse. im not sure if it really is) of my step""father"" and of my own birth father. my ""dad"" and i had a very great relationship even though i am a trans man (which he doesnt take kindly to) but he just keeps aking me to live with him and tells me i dont have a choice and just. im so stresse d out im under so much fucking pressure and i wanna do good in school but i just cant take it anymore. a couple days ago earlier this week i was admitted to a hospital because i called the suicide hotline when iwas so close to overdosing. sorry im rambling theres just so much on my mind i cant write a coherent story. i, m so so so so so so sos o tired and the only reason i havent thrown myself in front of a car is because of avengers 4 so after that i might just do it ",-1.1714423076923062,0.7975793557692334,1.9396153846153863,95.40538461538463,91.98076923076924,5.123076923076923,18.096153846153847,6.67199483983844,-0.03312115384615355,718,21,174,10,26,254,110,208,0.147,0.794,0.059,-0.9532,1,0,0,0,2,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,23,9,1,2,10,0,17,3,0,1,1,32,24,23,1,3,11,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,11,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,3,24,6,17,18,3,14,0,0,0,1,14,6,1,3,8,115,35,1,0.0,0.2433062650015537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101522763890828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182604977873884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776925362222366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048426952939361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765282565374093,0.0,0.0,0.08197766445846284,0.11360797852039972,0.0,0.06621690651403746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033438184758907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781589537216919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191558511336514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492141972145536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611895191823138,0.0,0.11319959374678842,0.11310813191868364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6654399720241326,0.0,0.0,0.09126229292072832,0.0,0.10692025378940248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032367616416307,0.0,0.09066394115127648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089219915224203,0.1036725207358983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509559362457084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561779888165453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577625957810107,0.10556704131793106,0.0,0.11023456757959524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330262529159967,0.0,0.10391262173773166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493630081768808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761391107651785,0.0,0.0,0.11230982860129883,0.0,0.09677000981046596,0.0,0.15439770357992386,0.0,0.08974251028559035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087770519810027,0.0,0.0,0.23601970805914155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471766075464128,0.0,0.0,0.08235972358645978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymousforhelp,2019/03/03,"Need help with method Sooo hey,

I want to end my life through cutting my wrists and letting it bleed out while in high temperatures, however i learned that there's a risk of hitting a nerve while cutting open the vein/artery. Losing feelings of my hand, even for a short peroid before it ends, really irks me. Is there a way of not hitting any nerves and still losing enough blood?",7.24472602739726,6.983384123287671,6.075445205479454,84.00988013698631,63.93150684931507,8.943835616438355,31.948630136986303,8.07648339933343,2.060646575342466,303,10,60,3,4,90,58,73,0.138,0.7490000000000001,0.114,-0.2033,1,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,2,1,5,0,2,5,3,0,0,10,7,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,9,4,1,11,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602831024753048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775108730800249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43248349358983146,0.252269082316374,0.0,0.16125676961464006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344804270579338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364656610658335,0.25795467605960776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24965681601950626,0.1724482236275477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462760131429946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103188303482032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640679930109033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497608384762213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144004207227212,0.19379249891884484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sellardoore,2019/03/03,"I’m crazy and I’m embarrassed I posted something to r/confessions and deleted it because someone pointed out that I have psychosis and that I have a lot of serious issues. 

Basically I called my ex boyfriend 15 times when I was really drunk and cried to him about us getting back together. He rejected me and blocked my number, and I broke a bunch of stuff in my house, and then i actively tried to commit suicide for the first time in years, tied the noose and slipped my head in, but i was too drunk too do everything correctly (or i chickened out) so i ended up just going to sleep. 

I knew it was fucked up after it happened (the whole calling him 15 times thing) but I still felt better and I was at the point where I just wanted to let it go, and put it behind me, so this morning i made the post. I read the comment and reread my post and I just feel so crazy and so different from everyone else. I said in the post that i wanted to finally put him behind me and the person said I’m obsessed with my ex. I don’t know what’s true and what’s not. I have bipolar disorder, but i usually don’t feel like an outcast of society, I just feel like a person with a few issues. But now I feel like i will never have the chance to lead a normal life, so what’s the point? On top of that, I’m a 21 year old stripper who isn’t in college and everyone’s been making me feel pretty shitty about it despite the fact that I’m okay with my life the way it is at the moment. It’s the reason me and my ex broke up and it’s threatening my current relationship. I’m 3 years behind everyone else. It seems crazy to start now, it would be easier to just end it. Going to school and not dancing would make everyone in my life happy but me. Killing myself would be easier in all honestly. 

Before i read that comment, i didn’t feel THAT bad about calling my ex and making two hours of his Friday morning hell. I felt bad, i knew it was wrong. but i had already forgiven myself. I don’t really think it would’ve mattered if i hadn’t read the comment though. I think i would’ve dropped down to the way i feel now eventually anyway. And i feel like my ex hates me and is disgusted with me (because i am disgusted with myself so why wouldn’t he be) and i can’t live it down. I can’t live the rest of my life knowing i made a complete ass out of myself and basically went crazy stalker ex gf mode without the actual physical stalking. All I wanna do is pen out my apology letters to my friends and my dad and jump off a cliff. There’s cliffs in my area so that’s probably how I’d go as guns scare me enough as it is. 

It scares me when I realize I’m getting suicidal. I don’t want to call the hotline, or tell my therapist or my boyfriend or any of my friends. I don’t want to to take my meds. 

I just want it all to stop for good. 

I’m sure some people may find this a stupid reason to be suicidal. I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation my whole life and almost every reason has always ultimately sounded stupid so I don’t know what to say. I just feel like being dead would be easier than being crazy. ",3.329546238785369,4.108161461180123,4.832948240165631,85.90238992408554,72.58695652173913,8.271028295376121,26.88875086266391,8.582038596145509,1.7203643616287092,2407,81,524,41,45,810,261,644,0.202,0.68,0.117,-0.9971,2,1,1,1,0,3,52.0,1,0,0,4,32,33,8,4,29,1,45,12,3,10,9,117,96,53,6,13,21,7,11,5,3,7,6,4,0,2,35,37,2,2,24,6,0,10,16,19,0,2,18,15,88,14,68,63,11,71,1,3,0,2,34,27,3,10,32,349,123,7,0.0,0.0,0.05644842769608172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792346510187699,0.0,0.06383345463958467,0.0,0.04813171815185978,0.0,0.0,0.0393366197828109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044479275366186,0.09659640650288304,0.07052361509233251,0.0,0.04922187980300787,0.0,0.0,0.051159248847061516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362650672200512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606494377557762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354007477065776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043576892570311,0.06629544245356749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664423890486128,0.0,0.10246709566772803,0.05976940293642138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048736952176787064,0.2210937089982291,0.05198740396597167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26323377262884623,0.2066225879013152,0.11108064481891808,0.06336642836157012,0.05286933069402231,0.0492029727210433,0.0,0.0,0.08938188925795125,0.053476819601588066,0.060443305684635115,0.0,0.13149870714487016,0.04851768620321351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115218952858444,0.06157713477992539,0.0,0.05711001435902765,0.05936571290471738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056965725425681735,0.06674542499344963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075041389565412,0.0,0.0,0.06399698093323533,0.0,0.09537038541704122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915048604244026,0.20428835886315025,0.14130085569048922,0.0,0.10215648353223916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049177795691234864,0.0,0.10946877598832848,0.11583606660099388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425281389659493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04461367107973852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667587049051138,0.0,0.0,0.060698652771883826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0401024765331572,0.1010161385726414,0.0,0.0,0.16404681740686972,0.0,0.22159828455092792,0.0588492147994712,0.0623667509610389,0.0,0.0,0.11630051079937707,0.0,0.0,0.1735821207467468,0.0,0.07411404460336507,0.17842304637874104,0.0,0.06210393925429899,0.0,0.0,0.11004778399732007,0.04600070805309859,0.1158259788540319,0.05854228206134478,0.0,0.0526599639456552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788682822831325,0.0,0.04901192588127486,0.04453194802441848,0.0,0.0,0.040943026397860266,0.0,0.04619513422512502,0.048361054624176836,0.0,0.0,0.06621874663222438,0.2530923983742053,0.0,0.054518278094280184,0.0,0.04349228111775053,0.0,0.05055912614053972,0.0,0.0,0.0671625651986066,0.038429683043770535,0.07412954884841624,0.056832471095895634,0.0,0.10118974713520217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392729940891754,0.0,0.05650621178357619,0.0,0.06958047675332169,0.0,0.06370815383720659,0.0,0.17059255552190394,0.0918294215651066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362294386220376,0.05219616331098345,0.12916387231433474,0.0,0.05576056710111515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465487969223704,0.06324448503040471,0.0,0.11175095325249672
suicidewatch,tattedprincess97,2019/03/03,"I’m out of options Everything is too much. My life is falling apart and I can’t cope anymore. I’m too overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve exhausted all my options, so the only one left is to die. It sucks. ",-0.15209302325581575,1.953626348837212,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,87.83720930232559,5.300465116279072,24.879069767441862,6.742157984588678,0.912687441860466,155,7,35,2,5,53,33,43,0.232,0.6859999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,8,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,1,3,8,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713939792169552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886620478704957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365679429458586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893536652018399,0.2675361109456996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068850588509511,0.0,0.26451373780987664,0.18295715772753807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752936305127137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25376447642950506,0.284816924837582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LynnLovesOwls,2019/03/03,"Homeless at the end of the day/DV/courage I’m so tired of fighting. I will be homeless at the end of the day because I don’t want to be hurt by my husband anymore (emotionally). I don’t want to live in a shelter. I’ve been there before. I’m currently working through childhood trauma and have zero mental health support. I have medical training and have several methods in mind I’m just a fucking coward. I don’t work and won’t have access to joint bank account. 
My birthday was yesterday 42 and I’m treated like literal trash. I have no friends literally have only talked to my husband and dad in the past 4 years. I’m secluded and isolated and want out. ",2.272832167832167,4.537435257575758,4.103333333333335,83.72884615384619,79.0,6.78881118881119,32.12354312354312,7.882392219407189,2.5390109557109555,522,29,99,9,13,176,79,132,0.157,0.75,0.093,-0.8833,1,0,1,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,2,0,7,0,15,4,0,0,0,13,25,8,0,3,1,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,9,4,15,19,0,14,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,0,9,58,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867571864224136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159739213527118,0.0,0.1618877424145917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453895137825677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400432771504996,0.33700799026401274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698577464565404,0.17588197832876032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222561056944552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366530805580213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294596882740534,0.0,0.16799320300478454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916556817113585,0.1917260743162809,0.0,0.192097085134913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446928086677791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816140359816804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149270264842813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589211849755185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529148035976712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186630441255151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366410685252533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27700682916577285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251400940075265
suicidewatch,octoveli,2019/03/03,"I was diagnosed with ASPD I’m such a horrible person that I had to go get it checked out & turns out i have anti social personality disorder, in other words i’m a sociopath. I can’t stand who I am anymore and I want to just end it all. I have sick thoughts and I get turned on by things that are very bad. I’ve destroyed every relationship I’ve had with people because I’ll randomly black out sometimes & do horrible things. I’m afraid of medicine but i’m afraid of myself. I don’t want to hurt anyone else ",0.6009920920201282,2.969894289719626,2.8386915887850463,89.37048885693744,87.41121495327103,5.9091301222142345,22.24946081955428,7.321109707123232,0.9570724658519048,407,15,86,7,13,138,68,107,0.196,0.778,0.026,-0.9411,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,10,2,0,0,1,15,22,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,4,1,10,0,13,18,1,8,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,1,1,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874307756360126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730843185663187,0.12501186478898668,0.1831881712784328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492794828788091,0.10898675398875587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146480551323674,0.0,0.0,0.20490512483805545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935340277387216,0.0,0.15835200922215845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506355625728764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868174136647373,0.0,0.10160864007519936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139493229356835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394823318506387,0.3122194183918831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919500791438246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822505942500469,0.0,0.0,0.1768246845576574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375559679561945,0.0,0.0,0.14193672266657906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889373261102202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751780719774096,0.2109061352755336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JankosFangirl,2019/03/03,"Today is the day Throwaway for obvious reasons.  I was planning this day for a long time, but it still feels so unreal that I'll be gone for good. I've been trying my best for almost 30 years, but it's just not enough and I'm done. ",1.7759999999999998,2.9996772000000007,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,77.0,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.2798000000000003,180,4,42,2,4,60,41,50,0.0,0.813,0.187,0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,8,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,2,4,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961351867816045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310354906751432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814483212567241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026388698078304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30557259085366023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953214995293992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804790322418616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261715552874823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040641190496226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361737972356801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244505092804713,0.0,0.2803215409417145,0.0,0.0,0.20078417994530398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044319578283245
suicidewatch,jkhe01,2019/03/03,"Life just isn’t worth it This is going to sound a bit weird (just a warning). I moved half round the world last September but initially was really excited. Everything was different but I had to been quite depressed before the move so I embraced it. Then suddenly I became really depressed again about a month ago. I started cutting my myself, and despite not feeling suicidal I came to a weird epiphany: after weighing the pros and cons of life (which was a extensive list), I realised the costs outweigh the benefits so I did a bit of research on clean suicide methods but I keep triggering the thought of what would happen to my family, my girlfriend and also all the thousands of pounds they’ve spent on me. I know I’m going to do it soon but I can’t bear to think what’s going to happen to them. It’s a cycle which makes my feel like a coward and therefore want to kill myself even more. I’m trapped with the paradox and just really scared.",3.952898550724637,5.817884869565217,4.7776956521739145,82.65715942028986,72.58695652173913,7.950144927536233,29.11449275362319,8.648137234880735,2.3631605797101454,752,31,139,14,15,243,112,184,0.228,0.6829999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9866,1,1,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,1,10,10,2,1,16,0,11,3,0,3,1,27,29,13,3,2,8,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,9,7,1,1,5,0,3,6,3,7,0,2,9,4,19,3,18,19,4,18,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,10,97,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097188400116086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815600388292942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572477444865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226105098948009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689871856657086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451454041631605,0.0,0.0,0.15436780243306736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975877972569244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278860262856848,0.0,0.1392860012109771,0.0,0.1494141621728654,0.10555297101149022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519100046906569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613105194996235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132741357869074,0.16346401286230536,0.0,0.08119979870486954,0.12043635957085098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087210642368473,0.0721834203902256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862459137219637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793302192490995,0.3140707510356602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715082032827488,0.0,0.0,0.2839582187391198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792400376618373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457854880222699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32323008413751203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467254040527297,0.0,0.1172973756505101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871470600125271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495770040920388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monkey_7k,2019/03/03,"Will 999 be able to find my house if I call and don’t say anything? For example if I were to call 999 on my mobile then kill myself, would they come to my house and deal with it? On the off chance the world doesn’t end when I do I don’t want my dog starving to death ",2.100901639344265,2.1155924918032802,3.3181557377049167,98.43493852459018,74.90163934426229,6.755737704918031,20.16803278688525,5.985473137389443,-0.3720852459016393,206,3,56,1,4,67,41,61,0.184,0.765,0.052000000000000005,-0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,10,6,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,9,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,36,11,0,0.24037373261086714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978071007693776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908969127803019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070606864994029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478147635466243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128997803894669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969723686899587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547180284756532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659379208025288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115484006733965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417786553625526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707546029874502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Perrarian,2019/03/03,"this is it. Hey fellas. I dont want to make this longer than it needs to be. Today I have decided to end my life. I just wanna know whats the best way to go. I have a gun, and also a good amount of sleeping pills (Valium, Xanax) plus some other weird stuff. I would rather go in my sleep, but I know with pills thats never a guarantee, so I guess the gun is the safest way to go? Just put it into my mouth at an angle",0.3357258064516131,1.5696779892473138,2.6469758064516142,96.79046370967743,80.93548387096773,5.940322580645162,14.850806451612904,6.6274283507984215,-0.7367838709677423,315,3,81,3,8,108,64,93,0.105,0.805,0.091,0.185,0,0,0,2,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,7,0,7,7,3,1,1,19,16,5,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,13,14,3,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681507084794474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066259121930076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464317457172939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862344444453714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584993091317188,0.17636226101558392,0.0,0.0,0.23163317063319944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111485209233554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851803409323286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035507606674194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559105615062573,0.16217112808869094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113767436882321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208383667187273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24070578775670604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930884369206325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402111954908847,0.3338008401130792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936787894136808,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,totoro3333,2019/03/03,"I think I might be suicidal but I’m scared I’ll be put in a mental hospital if I tell anyone. so. i’ve had a really hard month. my ptsd is taking over my life and i can’t go to class without having panic attacks and i’ve lost all my friends and i just feel so horribly sad that i want to die but i don’t think i actually want to die, like. i have a huge fear of death. i would never be able to go through with anything. life is just so exhausting right now and i don’t know what to do. but my therapist told my mom that if i’m having suicidal ideation she needs to call 911 immediately. heres the thing. im in high school. im terrified of being admitted to a hospital and missing class and falling behind. i just got into college - what if they rescind my acceptance for too many absences? what if i cant graduate on time? what will my classmates think? what will my teachers think? i feel so so so alone and scared and completely out of options. please help. ",0.2560500000000019,2.579626505000004,2.5160000000000022,91.273,88.95,6.2,22.0,7.554174236665415,1.0482500000000003,751,28,164,15,25,254,112,200,0.293,0.5770000000000001,0.129,-0.9938,0,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,1,12,12,1,4,5,0,19,3,0,0,2,39,39,21,5,8,11,1,3,1,1,4,3,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,9,0,0,4,6,9,0,0,4,3,24,3,21,27,1,17,0,3,0,0,9,9,0,6,5,106,32,5,0.1254686300531919,0.0,0.12243928386443985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994766137611327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773058342414773,0.0,0.1032499919136566,0.0,0.0,0.1427386799250481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281174995181257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155147147018967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604332581063991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118709116537062,0.12688141853082385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693675234070223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261342776988634,0.0,0.10034872523102276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239524797715243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409897795944198,0.13256449635700132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710553019649249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689542777890853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724440790957266,0.06129763497868682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369638311239512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720549779374696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644286855688527,0.13310238884324155,0.0,0.1469473430994216,0.10014786346790357,0.0,0.0,0.09303339937720306,0.0967691423927123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721040364087387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772687827593744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666611425879367,0.1261306278716131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037841721996328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714952451647834,0.0,0.0,0.251231973725458,0.1269809520642972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744846337909801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943367950363286,0.0,0.10966511292021802,0.0,0.0,0.1456787499855723,0.08335578266856286,0.3215809277474037,0.0,0.0,0.07316176717601124,0.0,0.0,0.11989065285584162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800929757096828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094728201277233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912931491892746,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vasukki,2019/03/03,"So I have made my decision (I don't want to trigger anybody) Hey guys I am posting this to see the opinions of people that have been in the same situation.
I have made several attempts in the past that have failed but this time I have found a sure way to end it either through hanging or jumping of a height. I am not scared of being crippled if I failed anymore, I am not scared of the pain (that may be unthinkable), I just hope the agony will be quick.

I feel like I have gotten to the point where no one can convince me to do otherwise. I have aware of having bipolar disorder for 2 years now and been in bad cycles of depression for 7 years. I am sorta tired of experiencing the same cycle of ""therapists"" and doctors who are always stacking the deck in order to save your life. I have been stacking the deck for too long.

I am certain most people suffering in this sub will make it and live happier lives. I just think there is a certain type of person like me whom suicide is the most rational decision looking back at the way I lived, things I want and things I cannot do because of my inherently flawed, selfish and cowardly character.

Because inidividuals like me wish and deserve to be wiped out, I have made my plans and have a date next week.

I want to remind to some people reading this that life is not hopeless for everyone, it may take a lot of hardwork but when you get to a stable spot, just work hard to stay there and don't let nobody take your plot of happiness because that plot is your life.

My choice is just a rational one.",7.49316017316017,6.048575935064938,7.5894285714285745,77.22223809523811,64.0,10.810735930735932,35.79307359307359,9.725611199111238,3.1821019047619057,1220,47,246,20,15,396,158,308,0.16399999999999998,0.685,0.152,-0.627,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,4,0,5,13,20,0,2,18,0,40,7,0,5,3,50,58,14,1,6,12,0,2,3,0,4,7,0,0,2,16,9,0,0,5,1,0,2,7,10,0,2,8,5,32,10,35,41,7,30,0,5,2,0,9,10,0,11,16,179,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120246258801012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870147615487248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428162557437469,0.09151792714338207,0.2004476761063169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440502975663473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256200244306766,0.11218821854237833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707996948761456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473494141501083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542099246243202,0.07830382777299376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017928536547938,0.0,0.0,0.05726554688953681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852894557729616,0.0,0.11667953164115345,0.0981870515491075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886526794425301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208139242666587,0.23225767275871745,0.16064649050058125,0.0,0.2903570626154257,0.09699944585657062,0.09204293899118357,0.0,0.0,0.09318462427498757,0.0,0.3111406260773081,0.07316405159405394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165691291748648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854615167275834,0.0,0.11663041752093592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046330388654099,0.2279647240617257,0.0957052953095192,0.0,0.0,0.10361479084005412,0.0,0.10497396536187392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096374523995734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947303999880846,0.0,0.08734321843829508,0.0,0.0,0.12382560518409065,0.0,0.0,0.12320374944197385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682732139838202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198931332619658,0.0,0.1033040458387251,0.0,0.16482283591015315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726309334137134,0.14563709190726834,0.07023224668796202,0.0,0.0,0.06391318435985012,0.12597803176799469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939485448704472,0.17400312530598158,0.08792075847986733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604355031146755,0.0,0.0,0.07979577725206746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116764751023111
suicidewatch,blancospirituals,2019/03/03,"Down in a hole I feel numb most days now. Out of breath. Out of energy. My life used to serve a purpose me getting my degree in library sciences, but now I'm just fucking it up. Big time.

It's my last year in university and I won't graduate in time. I have to pay a huge student loan in full because of my mistakes. My friends and family don't understand me. After all these years I still have no true plans or sight for my future. I'm just as weak and self-hating as ever. I feel like I'm in pain.

I live in a city I hate and I barely have any friends here. All because of this degree that I'm fucking up. All because I choose to come here and dedicate three years of my life for a purpose.

I already tried getting help. I got two months of sick leave from school and antidepressants I haven't had the courage of trying out yet. None of this just makes me feel any better about my current position. I've lost control and the will to make any choices.

I just feel like I'm stuck in a hole I can't get out of. Buried alive by tasks and responsibility. Being a failure. I just want it to end.",0.5560434782608681,2.6875068652173937,2.414521739130436,94.1378695652174,84.69565217391305,5.2452173913043465,21.37391304347826,6.55674776486733,0.2554139130434785,849,28,193,9,25,281,124,230,0.168,0.691,0.142,-0.7609,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,4,13,15,3,0,9,0,10,9,1,4,5,38,34,12,0,2,7,0,4,2,2,2,6,0,0,0,7,13,0,1,6,0,2,1,6,8,0,2,4,5,26,7,37,27,6,36,0,1,1,2,3,18,2,2,19,120,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024084445854455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777524892401461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24898059048109664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041035209585757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727799543762185,0.0,0.0,0.15269966939804672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780311028378779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205852250144964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231521367390579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834662938075006,0.0,0.2753586710783499,0.19452590974922934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037261099585194,0.2517301493789907,0.21339249158295148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888864557148756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344162999290202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125600532411156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097741820007503,0.0,0.14415928995773314,0.0,0.0,0.19232833768402532,0.13302842530781234,0.0,0.12021969075195013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861978594181885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817574453516241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867068998428107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486927853939008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778733961818942,0.0,0.0,0.1420302992965971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872662328939173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587760226564302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486882245956826,0.0,0.132995167243436,0.14173311571555589,0.0,0.11758670354141043,0.0,0.0,0.08030262421065408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630212900194631
suicidewatch,NovelPomegranate,2019/03/03,"Not killing myself would just be stupid at this point I've thought about killing myself every day for over 10 years. I'm as close to sure that suicide is the best course of action as a person could ever realistically be. Nothing in my life has ever made me doubt this, and the only reason I haven't done it yet is because I'm a massive fucking pussy. 

Going on is pointless; things just keep getting worse and worse. I can't even think of anything that could happen that would make my life worth living. I've been on 6 different anti-depressants and never felt any different. Posting here is pointless, since nothing anyone can say to me will help at all; the only thing I really need is that last little push to finally man up and end this joke of an existence.",7.101828859060402,6.603566255033562,7.037508389261749,77.78028942953024,64.30201342281879,9.329194630872484,32.047818791946305,8.472884824447931,2.3872208053691275,608,20,114,7,8,194,103,149,0.103,0.769,0.128,0.4646,2,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,1,6,0,18,3,0,3,5,26,31,6,3,5,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,10,5,0,1,4,1,1,3,4,5,0,0,5,2,9,3,17,19,2,23,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,1,9,75,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954153957782929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206819009492392,0.0,0.10835491469203393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026608675106718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381817397929136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102589066145407,0.0,0.0,0.08491760807660753,0.0,0.11340898216496192,0.0,0.0,0.2751386278259772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474626838267031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166223934951111,0.0,0.0,0.08696817667489909,0.2382098959274579,0.11093941869777788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642585978790993,0.1442403435874929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172872975080692,0.06879323487958383,0.0,0.07483228576360146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164371984287226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825702950275277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703620767563447,0.2913513277314645,0.0,0.0,0.10733033116490642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860077888891493,0.0,0.13197003032102772,0.11626887190407464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459131963823017,0.08789214561699006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763318975808484,0.10155363670683976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526858520295999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028512267791754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497099420263547,0.0,0.0,0.1244726896087877,0.0,0.12610546912807274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435251547751321,0.13538084323740948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471093458174012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892051734092537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440279002809392,0.0,0.12409939091480475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495417777258365,0.08437016155360641,0.0,0.10453293522158827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26837022698217244,0.18707215633829846,0.0,0.0,0.08479251190338344
suicidewatch,Throw4w4y4ccount4743,2019/03/03,"After I’ve been planning on doing it for years I’m going to do it this time but what has been stopping me for so long is the fear of what will happen afterwards, do what do you think happens when you kill yourself?",7.613333333333332,5.096976222222224,7.607222222222222,80.5975,64.55555555555556,9.888888888888893,33.611111111111114,7.1686216300943375,2.142111111111111,170,5,36,1,2,55,36,45,0.242,0.758,0.0,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,14,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,6,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839711843744491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392511849530272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6034854414011259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775131293769052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30197196631014195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852780366340555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864217309140668,0.0,0.0,0.19897010528106227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973667850162204
suicidewatch,arabianblonde,2019/03/03,"If only there were convenient tools for suicide... If only I had a gun. If only I had a convenient cliff I could drive my car off of without hurting anyone else. If only I had a sharp enough hunting knife. If only, if only. 

I get so tired of being triggered by the same thing that repeats itself. I'm so tired of being patient and kind and understanding and asking nicely when all I get in return is the same defensiveness and anger. I finally started escalating in return, and now the escalation hits immediately. I shout and curse. I say nasty things. I am emulating the out-of-control behavior of the abuser that made my life hell. And I feel gaslighted into it. 

I read a title of a narc mom in a narc sub saying ""i wish I had aborted you"" and I thought that's as nasty as something I might say to my partner in my peak anger and vindictiveness. And now I just want to end myself before I get any worse. I have therapists and I've made so much progress but I hate what I become when I'm triggered again and again by the same condescending reaction to my best efforts. ",3.5119922308546068,5.179624216981132,5.136736958934517,80.44622086570479,73.33962264150944,7.629744728079911,27.093229744728077,8.313332769828598,1.8856955604883456,842,31,162,14,17,285,117,212,0.151,0.769,0.08,-0.9148,0,0,1,1,1,1,23.0,0,1,0,3,11,9,5,0,12,0,12,3,0,4,1,38,28,26,1,9,9,1,2,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,8,13,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,8,6,28,3,20,15,7,20,1,1,0,0,7,6,1,7,12,117,36,1,0.0,0.1420620042810329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153617495257358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383693300941683,0.1228518146618396,0.0,0.0,0.1120904018565296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242023291164598,0.10202614828807266,0.0,0.1258277506074476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447814988049825,0.09573046809273786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016114265807413,0.0,0.1061958943774929,0.1238888476321104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060625089736839374,0.0,0.0,0.13134469147413624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792855007210768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183765190815011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835552964610586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485749638598273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468898172241324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22690473457327226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719505127299452,0.0,0.14042554008534086,0.0,0.0,0.08814036441292714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471365428847669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993253990801805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860480997453683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230494956469386,0.0,0.0,0.0848659031176477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115124143192866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921324955049053,0.15931258849028224,0.0,0.0,0.09518728106216116,0.0,0.2756150383262165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248202255667119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072018149723512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787918997593546,0.1155794112385312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221884383630718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simulationglitch74,2019/03/03,"Have you ever checked in to the hospital for suicidal thoughts? Thinking about going. Parents are sleeping. I’m 24 and scared. Don’t know if I should or not. I tried to talk to my dad tonight about my issues and it blew up in my face. He says that I blame everyone else for my problems (might be true) but it was a really nasty conversation. He said he is fed up. Pretty much just laid into me about coming to them when I’m crying and he doesn’t know how to help. He later sent me apology and I love you messages (he is a good person/father) but what he said really got to me. There has to be some truth behind it. I’ve had a serious depression issue for 4 years. I feel like there is no end to this problem in sight. Not sure what to do. I’ve been to therapy so many times, I’ve tried taking many different medications and nothing is helping. I guess I am looking for a wake up call but am having doubts that the hospital is the answer. Please any helpful tips would be immensely appreciated. ",1.4967020273455915,3.740341282178221,3.407963224893919,87.76176567656769,81.72277227722773,6.8179160773220175,22.490334747760485,7.957251820313856,1.2171166430928808,777,26,162,15,21,261,126,202,0.166,0.68,0.154,0.0767,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,0,10,12,0,2,7,0,23,6,3,1,4,34,41,13,1,5,8,2,1,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,8,7,1,0,6,0,1,3,5,6,0,0,9,6,17,6,25,26,2,17,0,1,2,1,25,7,0,6,8,102,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106088100928776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673331167983166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534842712051716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470897911401237,0.0,0.0,0.11533330651894508,0.0,0.0,0.13990359093470148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118615375156656,0.0,0.11860124303364247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112592150278348,0.0,0.12795321533821416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770705255568864,0.0956626929034433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610204047976374,0.1123142576711019,0.1070971067597679,0.0,0.14751289454931998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26926372607647103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795267903618709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718280940627934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541985802331049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244757321660268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085567065809978,0.0,0.0,0.2715199569557599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489651724649054,0.0,0.14205343132269194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984365435414319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284867136129474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868710784398564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692182278712955,0.0,0.1469889144326432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623085501328075,0.0,0.2562605038580166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156761902793605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547511255223487,0.1064876704072225,0.1340635740493918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400301313146645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647176663854855,0.0,0.12620511019464511,0.0,0.10068087846776776,0.10762881776613913,0.0,0.0,0.15313353278823635,0.0,0.0,0.08580175500879622,0.0,0.1063066507527589,0.07808184480613853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182718603572467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512319895765216,0.0,0.0,0.08623127180208127
suicidewatch,WhoIsMrLonely,2019/03/03,"I want a way out of loneliness Every day I wake up, I have to put on a smile to pretend everything is ok, when in fact I cry alone in bed every night. I don't even know if I have any mental illness, I'm too afraid to see a shrink or a counselor, I'm afraid that if I get diagnosed with mental illness, my friends and family will alienate me, and truly making me an outsider. My friends and I used to be close, but now every one of them has their own social circle, and it's like I'm the third wheel to anyone of them, like I'm a burden to their social life. As for my family, my parents are quite conservative, they think mental illness is like a punishment, a karma to the person. That's why I'm too afraid to seek therapy or help, once they noticed, they'd probably be ashamed of who I am. And right now I'm already pretty isolated, my friends and I rarely hangout these days, I have very few social interaction at school, so I can't imagine what'll happen if I lose my connection with my family. 

It seems like I only have two options left. Either I end myself this week or I have to keep hiding and prolong my pain until the day I can't take it and kill myself. I know my experience is nothing special and maybe a lot of you have similar feelings before. All I wanted to say is that if you find the strength to carry on, I wish you the best of luck, you are brave and courageous unlike me. Right now I can't find a way out of this loneliness other than taking the easy way out. ",7.263084415584418,4.941941737012988,7.969870129870131,77.10694805194808,65.07142857142857,10.87792207792208,33.68831168831169,9.23628265651192,2.734049350649351,1157,36,244,16,14,391,163,308,0.153,0.655,0.191,0.9344,1,1,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,4,7,4,8,23,2,4,16,1,22,7,1,2,2,45,44,22,1,7,9,1,1,4,3,1,6,1,1,1,11,16,0,2,8,2,0,1,4,9,0,3,0,3,46,14,33,40,6,28,1,1,1,0,23,13,0,11,15,162,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130954714997753,0.1079441686867288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651933136591212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839634960554583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323558432695129,0.0,0.10265355031128999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744805506982456,0.18925280502482453,0.0,0.0,0.09928281847435616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663737159493627,0.0,0.0,0.06460761105741808,0.0,0.24724667418136614,0.0,0.08791216353513764,0.09568439555452687,0.27664122087795184,0.0,0.0494595243845896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880705291644933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672093620989026,0.0,0.05110566568615388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864997924104984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556508430103339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869447891659087,0.10822069625250452,0.0,0.10751600425723533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627912308173396,0.0,0.06909147309781997,0.1911549796369602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943288852766216,0.0,0.08316103685298958,0.0,0.0,0.0652940164567505,0.0,0.09827094015992996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957314418325545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179520375317353,0.0,0.09385863813534773,0.11136600109463188,0.0,0.10417256576335432,0.06628374632478863,0.07439470275968721,0.10408483722610799,0.0,0.10861488365684054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541056694905302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951567881235053,0.10546393147907167,0.0,0.0,0.09833371879183604,0.0,0.10404107237293904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707141461639616,0.0,0.07778849222290729,0.0,0.09899664691212101,0.07794797332627593,0.08904948139312935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991382149490868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709334332764662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118629657199836,0.0,0.0,0.06267757691279957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555359475769172,0.0,0.0,0.08448301131515974,0.0,0.08070977527749892,0.11539072540521587,0.23292920525285926,0.07846338913714547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882651814640609,0.0,0.1124854278706056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thms_rs,2019/03/03,"Neurological problems have brought me to the brink. I keep waking up with these crazy head buzz attacks and I have infrequent seizures. I stopped medicating last year because my neurologist said that would be fine, and it was a bit pricy for the optional drugs. My previous kind stopped working as I had 3 in one month. I'm kind of regretting that now because anytime I want to actually go out and be social, my sleep gets interrupted by one of these painful experiences. My brain feels foggy all the time and I can't stop contemplating the ultimate cure for it all.

Been depressed basically since I was teenager, I've spent more of my existence battling my demons at this point than not, I'm 26 and live at home again with the abusive (used to be physical, still psychological) father who awoke all this anxiety in me at an early age. I don't want to be here but I feel I have no choice because I can't hold a job now due to all these physical and mental limitations and I can't find a roommate or a cheap apartment in my city.

So I gave up. I only exist for my cat's sake now. He and my mom keep me from going through with anything but the thoughts are always there, they've gotten so bad a few times I've been hospitalized for it. 

I just got trapped this unhealthy routine of waking up at 3-5pm, play vidya/watch tv until the sun comes up and I can go to sleep. I quit weed a few months back and it's honestly not helped one bit. And I don't feel like I can fix that anymore. Any time I try to go to bed earlier it results in one of these attacks. And it helps not being awake at the same time as my father/most people.

Thanks for letting me rant, I love this sub and having a place to vent.",3.742325581395349,4.884658023255817,4.835120930232559,84.90522790697679,71.96511627906976,8.062139534883721,28.29488372093023,8.488131031819089,1.8486952558139529,1336,50,284,22,25,439,191,344,0.14400000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.085,-0.9568,1,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,3,11,16,3,0,16,0,24,11,6,2,4,50,49,21,0,5,7,2,3,1,0,1,4,1,2,0,18,18,0,7,5,2,3,6,9,8,0,4,12,4,35,8,43,30,10,45,1,2,0,1,10,18,0,2,22,179,53,2,0.0,0.1215459489166187,0.10010774908774056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535858589100588,0.0,0.0,0.06976103009244364,0.0,0.07847692057074941,0.0,0.10173633502374983,0.0,0.0,0.08441836604702246,0.0,0.0,0.23340953171324555,0.0,0.07888120749679882,0.0856538367820583,0.1876038178361965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399157768623326,0.0,0.0,0.1145183146186338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836752957232757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835594579749917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896554079967515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034740068174017,0.0,0.0,0.15560953326356364,0.07328644226142107,0.0,0.0,0.09376044484444243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359620742750169,0.0,0.2332047165440305,0.0,0.08204625745625929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052813715888992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752055906208,0.0,0.10290069490332253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179936355043996,0.18236377091704567,0.0,0.21365210148050456,0.0,0.08362012198504677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489968023618726,0.0,0.05011764254446509,0.0,0.09058406087226736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258658585526132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033431688195334,0.10338112540286654,0.0,0.0,0.12014581666774532,0.16376406119490422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780558569699073,0.0780201933989445,0.1091572226118099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111922904554115,0.0,0.10717904888534056,0.0,0.0969755834713842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815958577932328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911132495805692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758142429917753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485902212235591,0.0,0.2053173245839535,0.10457205740724487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192417565607968,0.2572958992587669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444609577134687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814406952798283,0.2392715671019686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964819391198722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860013733808074,0.0,0.0,0.1210140827047952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468279378681614,0.0,0.0,0.07287314016100334,0.0,0.0,0.06606110418019258
suicidewatch,http_x,2019/03/03,"I want to end it  I have PTSD, Depression,and Anxiety... Today I saw something people should never see online or anywhere else and should deffinetly not have to go through themselves.. I constantly want to die even when my depression and stuff isnt as bad as it usually is. What I saw made it even worse and I don't know who to tell... I guess I'll just kill myself and get it over with..",2.3171978021978035,4.2341215256410285,3.4300732600732613,90.31730769230772,77.33333333333333,7.021245421245422,23.96336996336997,7.957251820313856,1.2082139194139199,301,10,64,5,7,97,53,78,0.19,0.742,0.067,-0.9178,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,16,17,8,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,3,9,0,9,12,0,8,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,6,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305011284489287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796146499303542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303266376513337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357558920538447,0.0,0.221203765099844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780495875706587,0.0,0.18877715143643714,0.0,0.0,0.2815514956653069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113558942623656,0.0,0.12113133094393512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347957181634686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358058005329627,0.0,0.11713516144281907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016764851940524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438529240382702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776316701753234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491471091096557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698435224186533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408417241034098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439922060728328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862921506602748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020300588343335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234741576821133,0.0,0.25142882388013194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172059990441217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackbird044,2019/03/03,"I'm getting closer to ending it every day. I decided that I don't want to be alive anymore. Life is too painful, too stressful and too sad to keep trying to just make it to the next day.

 It's getting harder to get out of bed and leave my house. Harder to keep in touch with my friends and family. Havent called in weeks. Flat out told my friends to leave me alone, that I don't want to talk right now because it's hard to fake happy in front of them and it's hard to answer their questions if they ask me what's wrong. I can't find the words to say about anything and it's hard to focus on anyone. They think I just dont want to be happy, and that's why I can't seem to get my feet on the ground or find a meaning to my life. I don't know if they're right or not.

 All I know is that my mental health is getting worse and worse, even after a 5 month long hospitalization for my mental health, 3 different antidepressants, and years of therapy and counseling. I have seen no improvement in my mental health since my diagnosis in 2013 and pretty much gave up completely on trying to see professionals about a year ago after realizing that I go through the exact same loop of bullshit every time I seek help. I see a doctor, they change something about my meds, it makes no difference. I see a therapist and they never really understand my problems or want to discuss things that I actually want to talk about, especially if theyre 20+ years older than me (and for some reason my insurance seems to cover no therapists that aren't fucking dinosaurs). I'm convinced that I don't  deserve to be happy and that my life is meant to end this way.

I don't know when I'm gonna do it. But I can feel the day getting closer. ",5.408474576271188,4.983978350282489,6.213000000000001,82.04407627118647,67.75706214689265,9.339887005649716,28.99943502824859,8.841846274778883,1.973620790960452,1352,40,289,20,20,447,172,354,0.14,0.7709999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.7912,1,1,1,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,6,0,12,13,1,1,10,0,20,10,1,3,3,59,58,21,0,9,10,0,5,0,2,1,8,1,1,0,20,16,0,2,17,0,0,2,15,7,0,0,4,10,39,6,48,50,4,39,0,1,4,1,18,16,1,10,20,174,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0769798715471924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992633034973304,0.0,0.0,0.08170052915097567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782322055303257,0.05515786134643147,0.0,0.06491520420490088,0.0,0.07374633854000585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808724576068426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054987210454573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344931827776975,0.0,0.08270887460295319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526218875595677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483498012751072,0.0,0.08074160610830883,0.0,0.0,0.09245202100563976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397364671481028,0.0,0.0,0.05210245390552666,0.0,0.13292715036706504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743652655533746,0.0,0.03988636241552335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419796801158302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189190442588838,0.07292742901266636,0.247283304286642,0.0,0.044831866881814994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519219818375124,0.2119949940586566,0.0,0.0,0.2515515347191449,0.0,0.0,0.052874602956153316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910220966653278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023229757919875,0.0,0.0,0.13005853871319908,0.0,0.0,0.1670545448901465,0.0,0.0,0.16715531963307798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981028089965624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531200355701548,0.0,0.0,0.08592832258923268,0.08762287210080905,0.0,0.2384910007398651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296483793567839,0.0,0.057989168076629224,0.0,0.06084057269863258,0.0,0.08389453754157078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393864662505386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025387385999565,0.0,0.0754817921017793,0.0,0.0,0.0883686691986394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050535416718134336,0.0811063818301747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473382681253696,0.0,0.06273210329387492,0.0,0.0,0.18858214786732352,0.1436269326062276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525405557639588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072912530217271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903619033101763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680871104952152,0.0,0.0,0.09021127572696036,0.1831819185329603,0.05240734215373232,0.05054598844564906,0.0,0.0,0.04599817363853958,0.0,0.0,0.07537749948594855,0.0,0.10711476523439896,0.0,0.0,0.08212152386664327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326405454849366,0.06261482706298276,0.06327637021211505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711809719230619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078004524832232,0.0,0.08624779347125784,0.0,0.1523970529873702
suicidewatch,LibertyMagnus,2019/03/03,"Lord God please end me. I’m a worthless drunk and I deserve to die. Lord god if you’re listening please end my life. I’m a coward and I just want it all to end. Please please oh god just kill me. I live in hell and I just want it to end. No one loves me and I don’t know how to talk to people. I’m scared but I want to die. Please lord, have mercy and kill me. ",-2.6785714285714306,-0.9880407619047596,-0.07666666666666623,108.08000000000004,99.4761904761905,3.276190476190476,10.571428571428571,4.7782277997778095,-2.0474571428571418,272,3,78,1,12,91,43,84,0.29,0.476,0.234,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,5,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,1,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,16,11,8,4,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,11,1,7,11,1,5,4,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26798278606583825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573975218249552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856727839545858,0.0,0.07095314787148835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119121457750194,0.0,0.0,0.11400274913011516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652298669801317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874854025119234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950567626504209,0.0,0.0,0.7085967595862405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292573858601845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037703173760527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284497622257094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brian890_,2019/03/03,I want to die Just finish this please ,0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,0.8049999999999997,103.54,89.0,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.39865,30,0,7,0,1,9,8,8,0.33,0.338,0.332,-0.2441,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6399662795607942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6768763600059446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637053124305696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Komodepo,2019/03/03,"Tuesday, the BEST DAY... I'm going to kill myself on Tuesday because I can't take the pain he causes me anymore. The more this drags on the more I see that I really am in an abusive relationship and he doesn't love me at all. You have no idea how damn hard it is to even admit that. I'm in an abusive relationship. I want to throw up. I'm not important to him. He won't even care that I die, he'll be thrilled. He's been torturing me and slowly killing me for 10 years now, the pain is excruciating.

I'm clearly not allowed to enjoy life. Even when it finally gets good, he has to make absolutely sure it's miserable for me.

Honestly, he's got the blood on his hands I'm just taking care of the final blow but he did all the hard work to get me here.

Seriously screw it, I'm done.",0.8801272455089801,2.7009518443113762,3.3896070359281434,89.35111714071856,81.45508982035929,6.809730538922158,22.413547904191613,7.8658589789855275,0.956676946107784,606,20,140,11,16,211,100,167,0.229,0.6659999999999999,0.105,-0.9535,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,2,8,18,5,1,10,0,12,7,2,4,4,17,32,5,3,1,4,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,4,4,15,9,17,25,5,17,0,1,1,2,15,7,2,0,8,81,23,1,0.0,0.3252656381186039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612684843181785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367353535278747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404781842087638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27989516006380066,0.14100570621892544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852252263783998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245610495144914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046650469133096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719804253623173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30072724302348863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342727803789285,0.0,0.07800905914087497,0.11512870763771747,0.10978082167535164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245919270960946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495189443414742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037197477513272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969520872979592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238841573818874,0.0,0.09162333497487696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921125219273377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793344077921443,0.0,0.0,0.29473566548955443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937990428903667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293676469512356,0.0,0.2064076220094467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096058153965112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992824439674723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839211589326768
suicidewatch,18lam,2019/03/03,"*warning* suicide themes. can someone help me with this? 
hey guys, a few months ago i tried to commit suicide but someone found me shortly after taking an overdose of benzodiazepines, and i’m actually just curious to see what would’ve happened if no one found me. 
disclaimer- i’m getting help now, i don’t plan to try to hurt myself again, i’m genuinely just curious. 
i took about 20mg diazepam, 70mg temazepam, 120mg ritalin and 40mg klonopin. these measurements aren’t exact because i’ve experienced significant memory loss, but i believe it was around that. thanks for the help guys, feel as though i need to know this. ",4.548205128205126,6.79793702564103,5.008897435897435,79.99026923076926,71.90598290598291,8.098803418803419,32.212820512820514,8.841846274778883,2.9081630769230773,500,24,89,10,10,159,85,117,0.126,0.6940000000000001,0.179,0.6858,1,0,0,0,0,5,18.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,16,18,7,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,3,9,1,12,14,1,8,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,1,5,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1635450658637974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485596958375003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919190919866604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216218366015906,0.0,0.0,0.18881815782296865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473926543661497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675107178736062,0.0,0.0,0.08755960805889246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318837400129397,0.14820055308839866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33699901997179754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179410098098862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210387015242716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376988504041518,0.0,0.0,0.12426692600981958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356429411398848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354867609684332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839993591857316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666356588760135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600790261626788,0.0,0.0,0.15429567735026642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465773464272754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620025152382155,0.2275671676654531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905214747049532,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AreYouHelpingMate,2019/03/03,Question Regarding Suicide Hello r/SuicideWatch i had a question about suicide and didn't know where to ask so I've come here. I understand suicide must always be taken seriously and i intend to. Do people that fake being suicidal cause problem to people that are suicidal or in a bad place? ,3.098809523809525,6.169820574074078,4.900052910052911,73.67166666666667,84.0,7.530158730158732,29.936507936507937,8.418075326091056,3.3276063492063486,237,12,35,6,7,80,41,54,0.475,0.525,0.0,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,4,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,1,12,12,4,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,3,0,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250041078327179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404455716938078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254364905138222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543284732142272,0.0,0.12941058102432856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256295017425386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830232093911336,0.0,0.15695927063949833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375064110412306,0.0,0.0,0.3365858837504507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8216408709479004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639562039491162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vann989,2019/03/03,"I feel like I'm losing the fight It's gotten to the point that I don't feel hopeful anymore. I don't try and look towards a happy future. I don't see how it could ever get better. All I see is continuing pain, depression and loneliness.

I always wondered how people could say they're happy in life? Just how?

Is it bad that I honestly don't think I'll make it to the end of the year? Maybe not even a few months from now?

If so, I really hope someone in my life will remember me.
-Vann",1.5121047008546995,3.06629224038462,3.7801282051282072,88.5426495726496,78.51923076923076,6.92991452991453,21.170940170940174,7.793537801064563,0.7793965811965813,379,10,84,6,9,131,70,104,0.194,0.638,0.168,-0.4387,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,12,1,0,6,0,9,3,0,4,2,20,22,7,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,6,10,7,7,18,2,11,0,2,3,0,2,4,0,4,8,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944432343886912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619950129740546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992665407166688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821550356069288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676063144966932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434089968718525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843075812347786,0.0,0.0,0.11068845364602277,0.15159042095337186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694722396509165,0.11972291072669244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755635775363467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567951541475971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328998626507105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367407861753897,0.0818736707504476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072937276847206,0.1874849883921491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186443200186796,0.0,0.16836187295296326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376491936080198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832248386830074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618248679063947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842219603454813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735937967586437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898413792477718,0.0,0.0,0.13327048895148194,0.0,0.0,0.2670874372574801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199440841457464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738183865971747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377936006575252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173901642283946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791938364342377
suicidewatch,shadowman121,2019/03/03,Haven’t been this way in a long time and up until a month ago I thought I would t get here again. But here I am. I always feel I’m overdramatizing thugs when I get here. And try to think that things aren’t too bad or I should be happy. But I can’t shake this feeling that I don’t belong and that I should just end it. I’m not good at talking with others so I never do therapy and I’ve lost touch with most of my friends and my ex who was the only person I’ve ever been able to talk with has blocked me. I feel lost and alone more than I have before ,0.9891129032258056,2.0606764596774205,2.7589032258064528,97.36835483870968,78.75806451612901,5.605161290322582,18.045161290322586,5.6839178017228535,-0.6582522580645156,427,7,110,2,10,142,81,124,0.141,0.785,0.075,-0.6826,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,3,0,15,0,0,0,2,26,26,12,0,3,5,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,4,15,3,11,16,2,15,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,10,75,24,0,0.1895469940748432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168021973636159,0.0,0.0,0.19631352147907874,0.0,0.0,0.15771828336337734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826382266926226,0.0,0.0,0.1612905311619118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788237622180727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145610791090266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875219663625148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644353743057545,0.0,0.19806096228086068,0.0,0.0,0.1589830256337562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017762998047036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774312506018235,0.0,0.0,0.4138258698690392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129460228673314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619032703204746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415903030859392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655051240577669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047013878496678,0.0,0.0,0.21676350690891746,0.0,0.12592660043298254,0.12145406023098805,0.0,0.15047914069072996,0.11052637654158934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868996678535308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045358121026164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464874622182896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hamilcopter,2019/03/03,"I want to die. I’ve been an anxious, depressed mess my whole life. I think maybe it’s time for me to end it all. I just can’t bare it anymore. I have no one. I’m in college and I hate it. Everything is catching up to me. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore... ",-3.7945897435897433,-2.6284663692307646,-0.04365384615384471,105.02323717948721,112.69230769230772,2.7820512820512824,17.724358974358974,4.7782277997778095,-0.9428717948717944,206,8,57,1,12,74,40,65,0.274,0.685,0.04,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,6,13,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,10,0,7,12,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,38,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25343731987898593,0.667447029456229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932214075517512,0.0,0.23282672295018375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869628130867306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016199205338396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148666173618545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845608565850622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537699391178745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201677594190427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437462982168715,0.0,0.0,0.13081289709838695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26463993093791743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504646095514306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordDeathigo,2019/03/03,"My best friend just left me... He literally meant everything to me. I have no one else but him. He's my whole world, he's my soulmate, my person, my very best friend in the whole world and I loved him with every bit of my heart...

And he left, and I think he never really cared about me in the first place.

i give up.

i'm going to end it soon",-0.8975375375375378,1.1007640810810813,1.3301801801801822,100.17052552552552,90.62162162162159,4.910510510510512,12.276276276276276,6.42735559955562,-1.1064606606606608,258,3,66,3,9,86,47,74,0.055,0.66,0.285,0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,15,6,8,7,5,13,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,4,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811259109711801,0.0,0.198244519039905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851386904452421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516915249425644,0.0,0.16083100425235444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299375690727884,0.0,0.16319748957134558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544566763283192,0.0,0.0,0.2805852731094153,0.0,0.0,0.17419351888757353,0.1031993196946667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151798907284949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394586718909508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388815483173638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400500614637488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304714802367275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855360109957473,0.1897183743863126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632842860517555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635276386407505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982719318346316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054678267607025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Just_An_other_Person,2019/03/03,"Only staying for the kids I want to disappear. I am very suicidal but I cant do that to my kids. I feel just as alone, unloved and worthless as I did when I was a teenager. My kids are the only reason I'm alive right now. I have no family except my kids, partner and their parents. I have no church anymore. I have no friends. I have no job. I have no hobbies. I am a disabled, chronically ill shell of a human who is never ever not in pain. I wish I could just take a gun to my brains. All the pain (mental, emotional,  physical.) would be over in an instance. Then what? Would it be nothing? Would i cease to exist, like i long for? If i could just be erased from existence, everything would be so much better. 

",0.3491861402095076,2.582041767123293,2.549822723609992,92.07821514907336,86.8082191780822,5.627074939564867,21.601933924254627,7.048011613610866,0.6662269137792101,542,19,118,8,17,183,91,146,0.234,0.614,0.152,-0.9109,2,1,0,1,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,0,8,0,23,5,1,1,3,22,28,9,1,9,7,1,1,1,2,4,4,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,1,22,3,14,16,2,12,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,7,92,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647284943083567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773549519634356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066736462756332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755311375433386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539779855251787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891056066573566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438704083312166,0.0,0.0,0.14294445822657556,0.0,0.1499387868199898,0.0,0.08042078175534224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288212875188535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783321678093415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077704108006044,0.0,0.0,0.14075481002813647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028563448417604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692051988800715,0.0,0.12266965756101438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526133772464718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419303553292755,0.33848218650518314,0.0,0.17660691166432338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635305462097339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582837622886476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952681826492524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397558354012926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958628604505996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123343388107506,0.09381218743881473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290038487019566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519400407779595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hamdude6969,2019/03/03,Please Help I have a suicidal friend after her parents divorced. I am extremely worried as she has easy access to guns and has already attempted multiple times. I’m the only person who knows about this and she doesn’t want anyone else to know so they don’t carry the burden. She’s already tried to get help from a therapist but it didn’t work. How do I show that I care about her life and what do I say?,2.714354561101551,4.444029867469883,3.9619965576592087,87.77590361445783,75.6265060240964,7.152495697074013,23.9053356282272,7.957251820313856,1.2355865748709132,321,10,66,5,7,105,61,83,0.078,0.741,0.18,0.7509,1,0,0,1,1,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,1,0,8,15,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,11,2,8,14,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,0,0,0,2,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685563760700849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844500679144712,0.2175263074064264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645386865251895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773493014164396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402235455321965,0.0,0.1109179208190872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28460025836114305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334891517164305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995367811859586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146361933201778,0.0,0.0,0.2357338839730212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853720595314561,0.0,0.2330415071126601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688293793882474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222160241575845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24649651452135996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379376269288465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413767742749276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521996506563846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455683536935705,0.21560082540036846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeremy_kissack,2019/03/03,I really hate myself right now I made the one person I care about mad at me and she won’t even answer me I literally just want to cry so hard and I know I’m over thinking it and sounding crazy but I just feel like I hate myself Right now. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have any other friends and she’s my best friend but she’s mad at me and I’m not okay ,-2.2622156862745086,-0.4705613882352928,0.6383823529411785,103.10188725490198,98.17647058823529,3.774509803921569,11.78921568627451,5.46131890053228,-1.54878431372549,282,4,76,2,12,97,51,85,0.222,0.565,0.213,0.2919,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,4,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,17,16,8,0,1,5,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,3,18,6,6,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038193257221308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320714740244897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254656928525649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429105320322883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473304898498788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606005818433845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181439603087467,0.1579815665567154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34170249802296937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809688313427287,0.4366574645181023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430641464765366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803722267020244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092468313283116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984933951930987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308982601212688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166714526736612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37770256693323023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416967812445642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043336373821646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dragonator8193,2019/03/03,"I feel like I can't change I'm a senior in high school and I'm doing the same things this year that I've done every year. I started the year off well, but as the year progressed I started coming in later and later everyday, sometimes missing entire days. I managed to pass the classes I needed for first semester, but all my other grades are so low that's it feels impossible to recover. I haven't been to any of my classes in three weeks. Every year I do the same thing and I always think I'll change but it always ends up the same. I'm worried I'll always be like this, and I really don't want to keep going if this is just how I am. I feel like I don't have any control over myself. I know that even now it's not too late to fix everything, but I can't make myself do anything. I haven't told anyone how I feel, and keeping it to myself makes it so much worse. I hate who I am and how I act and I just want it to end. There's not much I'm holding onto anymore.",0.9089822898478416,2.4906160568720392,3.1135644799201816,92.51955599900228,80.37440758293839,5.579546021451733,20.11000249438763,6.339386263674448,0.03435924170616112,752,19,172,6,19,257,107,211,0.117,0.833,0.05,-0.9316,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,12,7,1,0,7,0,17,0,0,6,1,39,41,18,0,4,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,8,0,4,6,0,0,4,8,3,1,2,3,4,26,4,17,37,6,31,0,2,0,0,2,9,0,1,21,117,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008957877315467,0.0,0.0,0.16394211067361594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954288428575174,0.0842840846897768,0.0,0.09919381272773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550298085291056,0.1038341843139568,0.0,0.0,0.13519540095985266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773806418267659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335385201215696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352459910273294,0.0,0.0,0.07961526299827633,0.0,0.20311960844060611,0.0,0.10833321192416752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437937560111436,0.17222701574469546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025309144995348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850542738296649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900789069210753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735669594026358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142822538236763,0.0,0.0,0.066245406813264,0.0,0.1359739089467034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766686663708411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092222595254455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772209376488644,0.08937857935101481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722074856660414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199250136104615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921673765651752,0.0,0.17063708580176193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016229623946635,0.07723690271680897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518074478042326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219474765184556,0.0,0.09668958903832872,0.0,0.10837956850297016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241380575878975,0.12284014118154768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881177226876811
suicidewatch,Aestheticpsycho,2019/03/03,Anybody else want to kill themselves to get back at life? I'm very fucking angry with life and suicide seems like the only way to release that anger. Anybody else feel that way?,2.491176470588236,5.275364294117646,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,82.52941176470588,3.4000000000000004,26.14705882352941,3.1291,0.3344352941176472,142,6,26,0,4,42,27,34,0.35700000000000004,0.563,0.079,-0.9463,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279655756063425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406348528976489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333527493256167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381950549350945,0.1377910748265882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917845967742557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725688027611479,0.12884799439060782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058296701610412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24009517514677334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28848416882074873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176096629441229,0.15555821321501884,0.4186824183369052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustCharlieJ,2019/03/03,"Lost (not a suicide note) I don’t know where else I can post this so I hope it’s okay for here.

I’m homeless and live in a shelter. Its hard here, i’m also trans and have had one dangerous person who could’ve been dangerous toward me as he raped my other trans friend just before he got here. They let him in anyway. On tuesday we have another boy coming in here who is most likely going to constantly call me a girl, potentially threaten to beat me up, and possibly creep on me. Another anxiety inducing person I have to live with. 

I have an appointment on friday to see about a tafe course, the only path I have left to go. I dropped out of school in grade 9, have never had any type of job (i’m 19). I enrolled in a school that allowed me to do grade 10, got so stressed the few days before I started that I experienced my first bout of psychosis, then went to school for an hour before I caved and went home. After that I felt like a failure. 

Tafe is my last option. The shelter requires earning or learning to stay here. 

I’m not ready for tafe. I’m not ready for that environment and I know all the improvements i’ve made in my year of therapy are going to go down the drain.  

I don’t know what to do if I don’t get accepted into a tafe course. That’s where the suicide comes in. I’ve fucked up my life so bad, and i’m so fucked up mentally that I can’t deal with anything.

So if this goes wrong, if I don’t get in or I can’t handle it, my life will go nowhere. No education, no job experience. The motivation is there but I decline so fast that I just end up an empty husk laying in bed all day not doing anything because I failed.

So, if this doesn’t work out, I think the only thing I have left is suicide. 

I don’t know how i’ll do it, i’ve got a light idea but it probably won’t kill me.

Life isn’t for me. I’ve lost too much, and I continue to lose things and people and I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t handle anymore failure and loss. 

So this isn’t me saying i’m going to do it now, but within a week that could be very different. ",1.7047620855479622,3.0421602551252853,3.707518982536069,90.20114686155407,77.42824601366745,6.882333586433816,23.12838521893192,7.594959193182576,0.8329543912933435,1588,48,365,22,36,541,200,439,0.158,0.805,0.037000000000000005,-0.994,4,0,0,0,0,4,46.0,1,0,1,11,25,20,6,1,20,1,39,6,0,5,3,56,75,31,4,6,16,0,2,2,1,2,3,1,2,4,25,18,0,1,11,0,0,10,20,14,0,2,12,6,44,6,48,58,5,56,0,5,1,3,15,26,2,9,19,234,69,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716268121617601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711260093496105,0.1761309468410474,0.06424820621516783,0.0,0.16658087459709972,0.0,0.0,0.13822480675059004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012386990558309,0.05119640563294184,0.0,0.21439485095408928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575795641258263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469108169374306,0.0,0.09075782318989443,0.0,0.13411019157270354,0.0,0.0,0.10832660428437732,0.08658472741358275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877463282790628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015859369350673,0.0,0.07438567899513157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215333177280082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063865901758581,0.0,0.0,0.07143749923979656,0.0,0.0,0.06488651287512168,0.15528534348093675,0.087757270853885,0.0,0.28638326930838864,0.0,0.20151115117266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523395955477874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424368614046908,0.08341593963987941,0.0827081930570253,0.0,0.0,0.09480871111273198,0.0,0.0,0.16668407614351038,0.0,0.09291683050711276,0.0,0.18462358292470052,0.06845888959403483,0.0,0.0,0.18249964392742504,0.08588023381528774,0.17796302142627293,0.08206154394939487,0.0,0.1483203821047478,0.0,0.0,0.0939576024488313,0.18335884330877653,0.0,0.0,0.07946852770242394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846370093950294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617385530030761,0.0,0.06477431987519505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056910330795384365,0.12774857723739538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582245437301828,0.14666472213789522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468033750158092,0.08043430309535304,0.0,0.09054990944606746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678815048847428,0.0,0.2549915583737475,0.06692507881331351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944493300749685,0.08951671156540501,0.0,0.0,0.0962044006149922,0.0,0.0,0.2755974946721502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604403395793283,0.0,0.11159164991065072,0.053814122365419034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692963247272859,0.0,0.0,0.06736760787843347,0.0,0.0,0.15570965734570394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061141995647171925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182428624578967,0.0,0.05408351160191513
suicidewatch,TeenageHead,2019/03/03,"Drunk, should I kill myself? I think yes Unemployed ugly stupid unloved failure I even drive away my own friends, wish there was a painless way out, don’t think anyone’s would care they dismiss me anyway I look like a fuck ugly stick ",3.767666666666667,6.003263044444449,3.2197222222222237,92.01625,74.1111111111111,5.3888888888888875,24.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.5493333333333337,187,6,36,1,4,55,39,45,0.405,0.34700000000000003,0.248,-0.9081,2,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,8,3,2,7,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,20,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510795836760074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890364521955029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31365790451966113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319229592981605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768070464073485,0.2844067913617124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34035636635948396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029660807428796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583388186904736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942445958854909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441890835553582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35376903701583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185375294977948,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Creedjaeger,2019/03/03,"I was planning on doing it on May. But I can't bear my life any longer.
In May my life insurance will complete the required time of subscription to cover suicide, and I was going to wait until then so I don't leave any debts for anyone. But I can't wait anymore.
In my life, there is only one person I actually care about. Let's call her C. C has been my friend for about ten years, and I've been in love with her for five. Of course, I've never told her how I feel, given the fact that I'm really, really ugly, but I'm sure she is aware. C is the only person I will write a letter to, saying my goodbyes. 
I don't want to fucking die, I've got dreams I would like to see coming true, like having a job as a comic book artist, but none of that matters if I'm alone. I just can't take the loneliness anymore. 
C is the only person who could reach me right now, and I can't talk to her about THIS. I would just become weak in her eyes, and I don't want to burden her with the knowledge of what I intend to do.
I swear, if I believed there was any chance at all things would get better, I would stay. But that's not the case.",3.3813661202185803,3.2007618360655736,4.826950819672131,89.42843169398908,72.03278688524591,7.490273224043716,22.414207650273227,6.742157984588678,0.3840079781420762,864,15,204,6,15,291,131,244,0.092,0.75,0.158,0.9425,2,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,1,0,10,0,30,7,1,2,5,40,49,16,2,9,10,0,1,2,1,8,4,1,0,3,8,7,0,3,2,4,1,2,10,3,0,3,8,4,31,8,29,31,2,17,0,0,2,2,19,8,1,4,8,134,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.121376479200868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881968205304162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25374703642448226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24670214373034846,0.08696905926083838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736741875007993,0.0,0.14013313752205928,0.0,0.11000358658436857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270054064735128,0.0,0.12681322017470018,0.0,0.0,0.1071419516761586,0.1304095706605357,0.0,0.0,0.0993069337554364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290863150210988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628900274945006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960953162492165,0.1149868711498456,0.0649831707869878,0.0,0.0706877531587043,0.0,0.09947767233204388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342749133048612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169996315750454,0.0,0.1271864962741883,0.26355882088372623,0.12153111129415567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225738181857413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592916119894207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428278841482942,0.2837887116920817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258102238496526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936142352317406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062194389200802,0.0,0.09891159439007167,0.0,0.0,0.09911438184305478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257202962999204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360510180751096,0.0,0.1172262349414714,0.0,0.09351792724695114,0.0999715547054098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826322329077368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252670410723414,0.0,0.0,0.11884997096885072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672453857250356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35342259761735684,0.0,0.0,0.08009633930022562
suicidewatch,helpimalive919,2019/03/03,"I'm selfish I tried to kill myself two Tuesdays ago by overdosing on Tylenol. I went to the ER to get my liver checked out and I got discharged because I really need to finish school. I had a nervous breakdown on Monday with my therapist and I checked myself back into the ER where I was later transferred to a psychiatric ward. This was the second time in my life that a nervous breakdown led me to a voluntary hospitalization. 3 separate hospitals. 2 nights in the ER, an ambulance trip, 3 nights in the psychiatric ward. 2 discharges where ultimately I said I was not suicidal anymore, and that I would abstain from marijuana usage (I'm an addict). I was discharged yesterday because once again I really need to finish school but here I am, thinking about how much I wish the attempt had worked, smoking away my problems, not talking honestly with my family and friends about what I've been through and/or how I feel. I'm feeling the same way as I did on that \[almost\] fateful Tuesday.

I wanted to kill myself because of my family, because of school, and because of the insurmountable debt facing me {about $20k in my name, and $60k in my poor mother's}. I am not close to my family anymore, I'm not sure I ever have been. This degree in cognitive science means nothing to me except for maybe the fact that I can use it to help others who have grown up like me in the future. I know there are repayment plans, refinancing options, and debt forgiveness that I can pursue, so I'm trying not to let that get to me. I can finish this degree. I don't want to give up on it all right now.

I am so depressed. I am constantly suicidal. I am so nostalgic for the past. I'm 22 and I grew up in Scranton, PA and now I'm just re-watching The Office, getting high, and avoiding virtually everyone around me. I listen to My Chemical Romance and Green Day yearning for the good old days. I mean they were never super great, I still had all of my family issues, but at least I wasn't a drug addict who got hospitalized twice for nervous breakdowns, I wasn't anxious, depressed maybe, but not stressed like I am today.

Basically I just think I got out of the psychiatric ward too soon. I could have stayed in there for years figuring out all of my trauma. I am not close to my mother anymore. Or my father. Or anyone else around me. I feel so truly alone. This degree feels meaningless. I have no real friends. My housemates know what happened but they don't know what to say around me. I told my teachers what was going on and now in returning to school I just feel so wrong.

My OCD is telling me I need to finish this degree, but part of me worries that I've fried my brain on weed and by dropping acid on my 22nd birthday and how I just haven't been social with anyone and I've experienced so much trauma in my life regarding familial relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, and most importantly my relationship with myself.

I don't value my life anymore, as evidenced by my attempt. I had no plan for after, if it didn't work. I just assumed it would. How stupid I was to think that.

The worst part of this all? I won't buy a gun. I won't jump off a bridge. I'll just literally live my life isolated getting high constantly. I've broken too many relationships to even form anymore and I feel like I've lost my ability to trust. I don't feel as though I'm worthy of life and I feel like I'm truly on the verge of borderline personality disorder. How do I go about handling this? Faking life to the point where I act like I have my shit together and that I'm ""happy?"" I don't see the point in any of this. I'm not doing anyone any favors. I don't know what to say here. I'm afraid I'm un-fix-able.",3.36414855072464,5.082903494565219,4.8097608695652205,82.42726811594203,73.83695652173913,7.8957971014492765,27.48405797101449,8.59863814320734,2.058758405797102,2916,112,571,55,60,974,304,736,0.161,0.718,0.121,-0.988,2,2,1,1,0,4,91.0,0,0,2,8,43,38,4,6,27,0,50,14,4,7,8,109,104,42,4,12,23,4,8,5,2,4,10,4,0,1,29,32,0,2,20,0,6,9,23,21,3,3,25,16,100,17,92,73,13,89,0,4,2,0,27,44,1,7,38,388,129,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280737309990542,0.0,0.0,0.05207076290704999,0.0,0.058821090250187676,0.060838440420422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989241867047968,0.0,0.0,0.06636113337082558,0.2912787361707124,0.12322019071779886,0.06018757083650799,0.0,0.15687706859668107,0.0,0.0,0.055189538366687885,0.04516855933904747,0.0,0.1790412538692011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557489994647185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695730695517765,0.0,0.04690027856245792,0.0,0.0,0.07576676846230862,0.0,0.10118787243143973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732280599716835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812144818054501,0.0,0.04907095499885185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879818246747932,0.05313501651472615,0.0,0.056129985437940164,0.0,0.0,0.2768811184415574,0.0,0.2376115903895781,0.08392982615452509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907670175727084,0.0,0.12275996031806435,0.05635016412195919,0.06676825451608523,0.04926955239763493,0.14094274286851685,0.06476267060000841,0.0,0.0,0.05194488194833617,0.06253137991429643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039373164594283264,0.12412716209083192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131082611348838,0.0,0.0,0.12997745161110502,0.0,0.12913108790353725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006712602095516,0.248944996076128,0.14349055897088725,0.0,0.051869788236278455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412324616962241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955462389027313,0.11802739043198025,0.12797334824139028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636346872467505,0.13066815205093885,0.045305037748655866,0.0,0.0,0.11024976799374003,0.0,0.056364018246828865,0.0,0.061639284294890816,0.06255774123887921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722256075480012,0.05607537339970429,0.0,0.0512907799391499,0.0,0.0,0.11105933936530388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056207647114803784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686064531244723,0.07526257102805309,0.0,0.0,0.25226539257237346,0.0,0.05016488865085948,0.055876583202976934,0.09342713855964276,0.0,0.237797987432262,0.04680934092107759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602972678805166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598795242884321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626105840157075,0.04691100842459027,0.0,0.06728814767714933,0.0,0.0,0.12850725332317148,0.0,0.05536313392902607,0.0,0.0,0.04721416306692729,0.05134262800840172,0.0,0.0,0.06820336632197327,0.0,0.11291747330764634,0.05771318938867372,0.0,0.03425261960280825,0.0,0.05568003869450521,0.056129985437940164,0.0,0.07976319530095294,0.0,0.05738187411909941,0.0,0.0,0.0507337639445398,0.0,0.0,0.06929447391805918,0.04662623933153329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054453924930972834,0.0,0.0,0.06754978374881658,0.0,0.0,0.08552896969541311,0.05965480730084283,0.0,0.0834565002245581,0.06422456866586057,0.0,0.037827576413395014
suicidewatch,therealyoungvanilla,2019/03/03,"If getting used to the selfishness of the world is how everyone does it, I dont wanna survive. People only care about themselves. I am always told to get used to it and thats how people are. But if I can't be nice and care about more than myself in this world. Then this is not the world for me. If being selfless gets you screwed over and just keeps you in Poverty then I dont want to live. My brother is dead, My dogs are dead, my aunt is dead. My parents were never there for me. it was just me and Cody  holding each other through our tough lives and now hes gone. My mom has gone crazy with the death of my brother.  I don't want to live any more. I have no place. My heart and brain ache from fighting these thoughts alll the time. And it makes me cry thinking that my mother will get the news and kill herself too. Fuck it",1.092991886409738,3.0368996379310365,2.0327991886409755,98.71859026369171,81.35632183908045,4.553887762001351,20.0054090601758,5.0885558068054335,-0.4742335361730903,643,17,149,2,17,201,105,174,0.265,0.703,0.032,-0.9924,1,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,1,2,0,1,9,9,4,0,6,0,19,4,2,5,1,31,37,16,5,6,7,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,2,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,6,0,24,3,19,28,3,14,0,0,0,2,13,7,2,3,5,105,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247291918090144,0.0,0.0,0.10193745377067764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733848951002475,0.0,0.0,0.3056670206175939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465861760063222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117890356297388,0.0,0.3513644477309925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323631430733053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858056071004415,0.3132672157899453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763276800116515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323841722713026,0.16584265047082916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39709456004121707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005972169877662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755616081941314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561247657630047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400605534701967,0.0,0.0,0.16644672239219965,0.0,0.0,0.20784421082742466,0.0,0.1566140770349381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605016267918692,0.0,0.11900422197232695,0.08740816426367702,0.0,0.0,0.14323631430733053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589317385941119,0.0,0.0,0.17683035134335287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrittanyClayre,2019/03/03,I can’t take this anymore I’ve been contemplating killing myself for almost a year now and I think it’s finally time. I had a failed attempt when I was 15 and I’m 22 now and the feeling won’t go away. I just can’t do this anymore. I hurt so bad every day and I’m tired of holding on.,-1.7324273504273506,0.1844483384615394,1.3866666666666705,97.98444444444449,96.3846153846154,4.11965811965812,19.52991452991453,5.82211442006289,-0.2426752136752137,222,8,55,2,9,78,46,65,0.289,0.688,0.023,-0.9583,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,13,6,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,1,7,0,4,9,0,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,33,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599142830088653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148323742081446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243867450146798,0.0,0.21672378968757652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739629626906502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869254470165456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124256514122146,0.0,0.0,0.2843379581221985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751531233515647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27786695300474884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871673748236251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515864672905814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663171264427895,0.0,0.0,0.1513529420718431,0.2983288336433441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714969681166794
suicidewatch,TotesNotsAnAlts,2019/03/03,"I’m all out of fight. I’m so tired. I can’t motivate myself to do anything. Getting out of bed is a fight for me. I don’t want to live anymore. I’ve been fighting for so long.

The fight isn’t worth it, anymore. The pain is too much to bare. The loneliness has consumed me.

I tried my best.",-1.9657812499999991,-0.11995601562499834,0.7341249999999988,101.198375,101.34375,3.8100000000000014,18.9,5.6839178017228535,-0.3891387499999999,221,8,55,2,10,75,41,64,0.269,0.59,0.141,-0.853,0,0,0,0,5,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,4,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,1,5,12,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,9,11,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,35,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887178735104525,0.0,0.0,0.2442519721829381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114871398313237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507264566576928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620914920820243,0.2626703404423492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819185260908774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158301700141349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34114310860792124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151667840273965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750681145977828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,munqlus,2019/03/03,"I needed a place to vent. I'm no longer on my mom's health care, I'm too old, trying to get my own but I don't make enough right now to afford it. Been off my meds for about a month and since weeks, I'm not really sure if I was meant to stay on it but it's my psychiatrist represcribed for me when I ran out the 1st time. I deal with bipolar depression. I don't think that really matters right now, I'm feeling really isolated. My whole life is wasteful, I've always wanted to disappear.

Generally, life is beyond unpleasant, I can understand that I should thankful for a job, my family, the bare necessities but it feel so fucking lonely and people can only tolerate so much of one person and I've learned that so few can endure me so maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I died.

If I'm such a loser than who's gonna give a shit really, I feel disposable at work, women are fleeting and relationship are a special kind of hell I seem to keep wanting new ones and still can't get over since bullshit from like when dumped at like 22, always feel like I'm playing catch up, and women don't really seen to like me that much anyway.

 I can never make enough money so debts keep coming. I feel really trapped. I feel I'm a major disappointment to my dad if not the majority of my family and I'm tried of it, fuck it, I didn't choose to be here if I did I would've keep the receipt.

I've been thinking about suicide for years but can never set on way to do it, I've tried to crash my car but that's too big of a spectacle, I want to be discreet and have some where I can hide my body until I'm completely dead.

I really hate this world, I hate how people treat each other, smart people, rich people, professionals, and the overtly religious all have this huge stick up their ass. It's like this brilliant real life equivalent of mind control to make you care about what they think and somehow by earning their respect you can some how be happy but I truly wish I was never born, I don't want to die or hurt anybody I just want to be erased. I want to cease to exist. Like I was never here. I fucking hate it here. Dying is the fastest way out for that but I feel like to stay, like I gotta tough it out but I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. But I know I'm not needed, life will go on with or without me, I don't matter.",2.3740701039768446,3.560609376782079,4.181186086397258,88.09935764819383,75.39511201629328,7.36801372065602,22.289688069460826,7.94452939551167,0.8806342158859466,1808,46,403,27,38,613,223,491,0.21600000000000005,0.619,0.165,-0.9926,4,3,0,0,0,2,45.0,0,2,3,4,27,37,10,0,15,0,38,13,3,6,6,89,98,37,5,16,21,2,7,8,0,5,6,0,0,3,24,17,0,4,17,1,3,6,18,17,0,2,10,8,52,20,53,78,13,50,1,5,1,5,14,21,7,11,26,252,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403901275711956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721673387348498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611745170322258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397345912295139,0.0,0.0,0.059029479735533213,0.07184869220875555,0.0,0.07685825466848893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064777389784031,0.0590217417778829,0.0,0.21335894756810367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161230817580134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292013003783757,0.0,0.2425432691708081,0.0979106370698993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25340644161151943,0.07160449670947643,0.06573682707285032,0.03894516785772363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294769362439069,0.0,0.20296708405983174,0.0,0.07284042524432477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335899545328152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800194027006784,0.18272840553439315,0.0,0.07135976560527797,0.07532070338669965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936090682574201,0.26782854555641056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722583759805876,0.0,0.06884404220983767,0.0,0.07611745170322258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691921924726603,0.08025736472006881,0.05469716862346476,0.0,0.10074966945399014,0.10162300736410387,0.21140732975091825,0.06618328454214366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190699505005484,0.0,0.09287060899963967,0.052117462686742284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003048337180933,0.059834663906109135,0.07159556824628215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799811672901144,0.3072986463903539,0.0,0.0,0.07357177546148669,0.0,0.11704244918375535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062383917827749415,0.0,0.0,0.0703414290515298,0.1133715959016106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460801826756998,0.05472532150831114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495682773016372,0.0,0.06458537997203805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308995989156634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172697066618344,0.0,0.0,0.039958331385666304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395749096203634,0.0,0.0,0.0713384642256727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425120984135947,0.10878623264913996,0.05496779480173451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650734821131787,0.07880205004361222,0.06605706452162656,0.0,0.049888080879567705,0.0,0.0,0.04867923287227089,0.0,0.0,0.0441287951511635
suicidewatch,Dumbwaystodie8,2019/03/03,To those who want me dead... I’ll be dead soon enough. I’m tired of you too.,-2.276666666666668,-0.7954097777777775,-0.27999999999999936,113.10000000000002,91.22222222222223,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.6402,56,0,18,0,2,18,16,18,0.335,0.605,0.06,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.624613196161901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6947872762140503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35655153343026785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway320485,2019/03/03,"if anyone cares at all. its just been failure after failure, i just want it to stop for the past months, no fucking years its been nothing but fucking failure after failure after failure. mental problems and extreme compulsiveness disorders since i was a teen. i lost over $15,000 a couple months ago, im failing in my studies, i just failed my fucking drivers test after waiting 9 months even though there's teenagers who have had their license since 14, and getting a license and car was the thing i hoped to give me freedom, i look in the mirror and all i see is a disgusting face and i start hitting my head. i will never experience 1/3 of what people experience every day even in a life time (love, happiness, sex, etc). i dont have the energy and patience to do anything or even write this. i cant cope anymore with anything because its boring as fuck now. i used to be the person that never gave up on anything but now i cant take it anymore. everything is just a failure and i want it to end

edit: i just remembered that shit like this is exactly what happened to my dad. he died when i was young because of stuff like this he just couldnt take it. ive been cursed before i was even born. i wish it could get better for all of us",3.0621264700212047,4.917421489878546,4.141272411798732,86.32095816464239,74.99190283400809,6.324195103142473,27.95623674571043,7.07126945348624,1.4600115288220552,976,40,190,10,21,317,140,247,0.229,0.6559999999999999,0.115,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,0,1,4,15,18,6,0,11,0,22,10,3,1,6,36,46,14,1,8,10,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,18,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,10,2,26,7,24,31,4,30,0,3,2,6,11,7,5,3,24,133,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273431633080828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749866491267205,0.07314879154459113,0.0,0.25826610883088946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754388332822442,0.0,0.08901911347810748,0.0,0.0,0.09252289828827326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666131020040263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835260523449166,0.1157537973712724,0.0,0.06746760640408771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857318716553807,0.0,0.11989711767356827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260724849251667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265727003441443,0.0,0.11667266276813895,0.27638718736825074,0.0,0.08814210862660682,0.0,0.09402063943108983,0.20466583216367348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868571530883423,0.10931336855208182,0.10035562479287627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251013131807416,0.11136392942668412,0.0,0.0,0.10736451258919304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390566233713586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300145859414767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389221489579854,0.1022185821232833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784971295191113,0.0,0.1141989297346545,0.0,0.094418542545809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542666734189213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505065475183013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137008437778175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038029800153354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986624210785884,0.07252642368689285,0.09134522227418757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010181216394162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850767430584296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833640988890551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738513517646672,0.17307615604663978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404658106587696,0.0,0.0,0.08746228763996693,0.0,0.0,0.11975841118672212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731395565295725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950113099077664,0.0,0.10278307561544284,0.0,0.061001473457874086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258381918925871,0.09035321650047344,0.0,0.0,0.12340851766979227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030134886678075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736821665949991
suicidewatch,BeefSamples,2019/03/04,"Why do i want to die? I love my wife, i have one amazing son and one on the way. I make hilariously good money and live very comfortably. I travel frequently. My work is weird but not stressful. My life is objectively fantastic. I constantly think about fucking offing myself.  I don’t expect anyone to feel bad for me but i wish something would kill me so i don’t have to do it and i don’t get it",0.4760975609756102,2.819696121951221,3.0055609756097565,88.11931707317076,87.78048780487805,6.206829268292682,20.39512195121951,7.554174236665415,0.8616497560975613,310,10,66,6,10,107,55,82,0.16,0.605,0.235,0.6186,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,2,1,1,0,10,3,0,1,0,13,18,6,2,4,3,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,4,5,0,2,0,1,16,4,7,17,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,2,45,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361909911425965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538125078048665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528721965406536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428563301850312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183180516079784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163303642399756,0.12225598335916188,0.0,0.0,0.19626912757000106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588876881364583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528198726889048,0.0,0.0,0.2066273710427246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111952438969444,0.0,0.156197636450161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171305755972877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014557724655766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680476155701678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993853806936874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307551933368025,0.13801998678165905,0.18573928258194186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114971131639595,0.0,0.2690898633891157,0.0,0.0,0.17035568060981202,0.0,0.0,0.16622775824025848,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chloe2120,2019/03/04,"Is it normal to think about shooting yourself in the head multiple times a day? Like I have no plans to, but I just think about it all the time whenever i get even slightly anxious. Is this something I should be concerned about?",5.278560606060606,6.36945034090909,4.879999999999999,86.19833333333334,68.31818181818181,7.684848484848485,32.84848484848485,7.793537801064563,2.2138575757575762,181,8,35,2,3,55,34,44,0.096,0.862,0.042,-0.3117,0,0,1,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,1,7,8,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933560427226537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224554002458612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22997647485852826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819151125918416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573438025876165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701082413088015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411526634666805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26805398040482875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462126970851651,0.0,0.0,0.4060652437792272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dippy-Lippy,2019/03/04,"Nothing makes me happy anymore For the last few weeks I have had trouble finding ways to make me happy. Anything I do just makes me sad, even the things I love, sports, video games, hanging out with friends. I have fun in the moment but the second it’s over I just fall into this complete sadness where I don’t want to do anything. I fell like my life is worthless, I’m a burden on my parents with my low marks in school, I’m just a fat idiot with no future, and even thoughts of suicide. So I came here to ask what I should do? ",3.0432727272727256,4.016655281818181,3.717954545454546,92.8969318181818,73.45454545454545,5.5,26.47727272727273,3.1291,0.3992727272727277,411,14,90,0,8,130,76,110,0.282,0.626,0.091,-0.9779,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,1,0,6,0,9,3,1,3,0,18,19,3,1,2,4,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,3,0,4,2,7,0,1,3,0,15,6,14,15,1,17,0,4,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,61,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749385558407936,0.0,0.0,0.31115579165633256,0.0,0.17674288043323322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162309726317902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822278670536253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497408810583049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279477682245065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606505703355674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40250962597739903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410678074581166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353663045775596,0.09236375608825326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063142635634415,0.0,0.3785912742521699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140539945071224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992555131312315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133589229664244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679779712756166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256011456497718,0.0,0.0,0.15009023035770375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115107839347465,0.15006473693520214,0.1516502128248978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmilyK25,2019/03/04,"I was raped, feeling suicidal. Please help me  

Hi my name is Emily, I’m a 14 girl from a small country called New Zealand just under a year ago I met a boy names Ben O’Brien we met on Fortnite we met because we each qued up for a random duo. we had a good match and added each other afterwards we played for the whole day together i could tell he was a kiwi just like me from his accent i asked him were he was from he said new zealand i said were he said christchurch that was the same city i was from everything was fine after than and then he asked me if i wanted to hang out i asked him how old he was first and he said 17 (hes 18 now) i asked him if it was okay that i was 14 and he said thats fine since i seemed to be very mature. we met in a public park 2 days after talking so it was on the weekend we had a good time and he bought be a drink from mcdonalds we hung out from 4 till 8:30 i just told my mum i was hanging out with friends from school. at around 7:40 it started getting a bit dark and the park was fairly empty. he said he wanted to show me something but that it was a secret and other people couldnt see it, i said okay, and he said to follow him as he went for the toilets i followed him inside and he shut the door behind be when i got inside he started walking towards me. and i said he was scaring me and that i wanted to go home he told me to shut up and put his hand over my mouth then he started pulling my pants off and my shoes and pulled off my top he had me on the ground and started puttng his penis in me it hurt so much and i was scared when he finsihed i got the time to run away so i did i made it home because he didnt chase me or anything. I was scared and confused and looked up what had happened and why i had heard of sex but this didnt seem right in school they told us sex was an option i didnt get to choose when it happened though i found out it was rape and that it was wrong i felt sick and still feel sick about it i dont know what to do im scared to talk about and the poeple i have said i was lying and made fun of me at school i want help and advice from you guys ive been on here for a while and made a new account to talk about this. please help me i dont know what to do. I’m going to be linking his facebook account in this post im to scared to talk to him but id really like an apology and to ask him why he did it, if someone could talk to him for me and ask him to apoligise and ask him why that would mean the word to me. heres his facebook: [https://www.facebook.com/ben.obrien.50364](https://www.facebook.com/ben.obrien.50364)

also I dont know how many other girls he has done this too if someone could ask him that too, i want to try and prevent this from happening again",1.5080574324324303,2.9452049341216266,2.661383783783787,97.07010270270271,78.20608108108108,5.411675675675676,19.77918918918919,5.6839178017228535,-0.4000310540540539,2139,47,518,10,50,684,239,592,0.097,0.8140000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9621,1,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,9,1,1,2,24,21,2,6,26,2,53,10,3,5,0,92,118,52,1,14,11,1,4,2,1,1,2,11,3,4,31,45,1,1,13,4,3,12,7,10,0,1,61,17,83,11,71,48,6,72,0,1,2,4,99,30,0,10,31,328,114,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052447232944857695,0.0475766047396556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042921131792725234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416712555347742,0.047779072609731285,0.4014053512794508,0.0,0.050426202844830285,0.0,0.0,0.06543537672096614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859544905831718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480466953979679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855713402906724,0.0,0.0,0.06922743962801069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492464620026597,0.1887080262371205,0.05257770152199436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823654259363483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427591265421678,0.0,0.05153312000964057,0.0,0.0,0.045653006465672975,0.0,0.058848101644557886,0.041466518612016,0.0,0.056082355854225385,0.0,0.06100557543086089,0.09003432595394747,0.08585210834914878,0.0,0.0,0.05314328839022997,0.14238476519629353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079247576569304,0.0,0.1076739132525634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057456521268655934,0.0,0.11594900233824723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848946682068655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244243200520382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507059775688162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523559999001977,0.0,0.054414543652917216,0.0,0.05846406953321767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039454776404890764,0.0,0.0,0.15550899814380226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631927979561504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720910585702725,0.0,0.0,0.11783052399633648,0.0,0.0,0.051402523861423306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053954747831875004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034383379401256395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583522395112898,0.5105394975671815,0.0,0.2686730023150874,0.1629554699843644,0.042769289074970934,0.09772115551322838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439767387034859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095148709159057,0.04131899352126548,0.0,0.0,0.15195604212477354,0.0,0.04286218179171727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870798175599173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569585780398795,0.046911314193942316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052732040909622524,0.0,0.06259264328619807,0.0,0.0,0.15385644354724493,0.0,0.036439470095526456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456028527206124,0.0,0.0,0.044284662739982654,0.15828440050546644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975407922462005,0.1452907202149913,0.059922386512388036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812674044383161,0.058681431717160726,0.0,0.034562728694638466
suicidewatch,StrikerZane,2019/03/04,"News from a couple days ago, a dear old friend of mine, took their own life. An old friend from High school took their own life 5 days ago. I've been an emotional wreck more than usual since then. But not publicly so.. I went ahead let everyone around me know about my mental state earlier tonight. And expressed my gratitude, apologized, and empathy. Reaching adulthood hit me hard and had turned me cold there for a moment. 
Express love towards those who you care for. And it may not be me or anyone here. But know that there will always be someone who cares for you. 
And I'm sorry if that information doesn't help. But the resolve to do end everything will always be massive and hard to overcome in the darkest wells of human sadness. And that may be very blinding.
 I'm sorry Dereck. You may rest in peace now.",3.1534615384615385,5.552113576923079,3.2916410256410282,89.98669230769232,76.69230769230771,6.211282051282053,24.5025641025641,7.3011,1.0650979487179493,642,22,125,8,15,196,105,156,0.093,0.703,0.204,0.9676,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,3,2,2,8,9,0,0,7,0,14,4,0,0,0,23,26,14,0,1,7,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,5,4,13,8,16,10,4,22,0,1,1,1,17,5,0,5,13,82,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440338335857252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906883238420536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962468950496767,0.0,0.0,0.12253617421762923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806832406099607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523052309128434,0.0,0.17754353819690086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483581570500748,0.1219155416826741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152885382131507,0.12370942054881735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269347734496066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466116880549965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226275706288704,0.14543299121243145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129581677364345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075471739809978,0.19445013654746995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423296903832275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387171157968716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888774814537239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930743293423126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386409997264105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166289617908751,0.0,0.0,0.308172015104779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058646622680713,0.0,0.14972182868489664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516001606965111,0.11357426698085896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376235672047185,0.12760135739143758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foxmanrox,2019/03/04,"I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 12 I've been depressed since I was 7 years old and suicidal since 12 because I want a relationship, I want love. I'm currently 26 and the thoughts havent gone away. 2 years ago my fwb that took my virginity broke it off and made me try to attempt to kill myself and last year my first gf dumped me and I tried to kill myself and was sent to the psych ward and thats what makes me scared to try again but the thoughts keep coming back and I have nightmares of going back in. I just want to be able to cope with this. I've tried several therapist and several different types of pills and nothing works. I just want to be gone.",4.4139920634920635,4.850585050000003,4.8052380952380975,88.31753968253972,69.92857142857143,8.793650793650794,28.41269841269841,8.841846274778883,1.811174603174604,537,18,121,9,9,170,79,140,0.138,0.789,0.073,-0.875,2,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,3,1,4,0,9,3,0,2,0,26,27,11,4,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,13,0,1,3,0,0,6,1,6,0,1,13,0,16,1,15,12,0,20,0,2,0,2,5,3,0,0,11,66,21,3,0.12472658959359277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056259610293696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718473667144033,0.19181409696912669,0.0,0.07603217134590418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744091288787944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858763714482366,0.1074268288532994,0.0,0.0,0.13031273942393562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060923733917022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088499519142391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086272367140604,0.27598298320729925,0.0,0.0,0.10166881755493463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257061675939853,0.1180193148362286,0.083255967071564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967852660977575,0.0,0.1308795745077785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339096796004112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487307491266553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181108845702496,0.0,0.30952537140249925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27286129014145755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448171838192143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970569401261772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385758303248822,0.33872466826273195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942678963872289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908024427106481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095950312920744
suicidewatch,ihatepve,2019/03/04,I want my mind to be at peace I want to die so bad. My mind is a mess. The only person that made me feel better and stopped me killing myself before walked out of my life. He says I’m too young and have too many problems. I’m sick of getting professional help I always feel worse than before when I go. Even if there was a way for me to get better I don’t want any to stay till the end. I want to sleep forever.,-0.4726373626373608,1.4304044285714284,1.7040549450549491,99.05344505494509,87.13186813186813,4.519120879120879,15.693406593406591,5.6839178017228535,-0.9118316483516486,317,6,79,2,10,106,63,91,0.245,0.595,0.16,-0.92,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,4,0,5,3,1,1,0,15,17,6,2,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,3,13,2,12,14,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432363922486962,0.0,0.0,0.11706283750709645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373183944948,0.0,0.0,0.2929612635242854,0.0,0.0,0.3044921941862247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865678984040467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246720531916294,0.0,0.0,0.11369853123346275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408089189478865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987475565564692,0.0,0.09783257859906287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153835231363154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904502273275077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158937443139647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288544372109656,0.0,0.17452552758524284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34762980779812164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309221668606378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030823543830246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471717267680475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689466562615932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226687000832108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834810547690525,0.0,0.1439188804325191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061365458901453,0.13663874418289654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542796573008312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kinddread,2019/03/04,"Idk how much I got left in me. (first time posting here, sorry for the wall of text) 

I've been faking smiles for 2 years now out of a total 7 that I've been severely depressed. idk how to go about life anymore. i feel so drained, so worthless, so empty, so pointless. it's like i dont belong here but do at the same time but for what? to suffer? i dont feel like ""me"" anymore. i haven't in a long time. i take meds but it seems no matter how many i take i can't make the pain go away. i looked to religion for the answers, but all i get are empty words from the churches. i tried to change my perspective and viewpoints on the world to create a more positive outlook only to realize i hate absolutely everything. i've grown bitter. my heart has frozen over. im only 20. i see no point in romantic interests anymore since everyone i've dated thought cheating is the better alternative than just leaving. i've lost friends, family, and my closest pillars of support in the past couple of years. now, after years of losing, dealing, and settling with what i've got, im alone. 100%. alone. 

i dont want this life anymore. i dont want to breathe anymore. i dont want to fake the smiles anymore. i dont want to have to wear a mask of someone else other than myself just to get through a normal conversation. i dont want to be this empty shell of what once was a happy person. i dont want this existence. i dont want this pain. i dont want this torment. i dont want this hell. 

hell itself sounds better than this existential prison i've been thrown in. ",1.2358233276157833,3.409385355345915,3.0109491137793043,90.63899656946829,82.23899371069183,5.741337907375644,22.84391080617496,6.980632752743323,0.7397849056603776,1205,42,255,15,33,400,158,318,0.248,0.593,0.159,-0.9721,0,2,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,0,5,14,22,5,0,15,0,23,7,3,4,2,36,50,14,0,10,6,0,2,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,15,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,15,14,0,1,8,6,28,8,41,41,5,32,3,5,2,0,4,15,2,1,15,150,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895909719039467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417272557893761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053956820828135736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158329177053672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607527005433039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354454945454238,0.0,0.0,0.05920719963376868,0.04946386638068838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7403752443958113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797490258292695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487626200527978,0.051613850325046264,0.0,0.05413933633285259,0.0,0.05807607016095913,0.04102758172996172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884942651172824,0.0,0.0,0.04436981943692954,0.0,0.060008992462862336,0.0,0.0652769139324109,0.0,0.09186309034941784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113467446954227,0.0,0.056699652383440616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805412694883999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406723471956382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060809452668785964,0.0623972216225266,0.0,0.08112818085252818,0.056114217368372965,0.0,0.0,0.050823220343437565,0.04822624014083095,0.06424881952594277,0.06269098468453807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03833457688904267,0.05822440748433686,0.0,0.0,0.06379112758914847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04221722400640957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056268628040240035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061160446985663974,0.0,0.08735530781653601,0.12221788188725252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482286978549758,0.0,0.05014514535208525,0.0,0.0,0.05428935494631542,0.0,0.05500149949103556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045763804081503136,0.052281577648932716,0.0,0.06487888627462968,0.0,0.04750620112285523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865975243222746,0.0,0.0,0.06428752228982132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517021350321399,0.0,0.0,0.08635953775940597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559253633597349,0.10046265180858382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899079938790399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048601838143011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094797075520413
suicidewatch,cooledcelery205,2019/03/04,I need help Okay so I'm 12 in middle school my mom and my step dad call me names like fag ect etc. So I pretty much starve myself I barely eat I'm always told I'm worthless I'm a mistake. I just got call a waste of space and I should die what do I do,-3.2794999999999987,-1.8184966166666643,-0.07333333333333236,106.275,106.83333333333334,2.4000000000000004,9.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.3279666666666663,193,2,53,0,10,67,42,60,0.273,0.568,0.158,-0.8258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,10,4,1,3,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,10,2,2,7,2,4,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,25,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489345987828976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5274257775621471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680336686565946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642650094207227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880287725734553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655454809611914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731065974955482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617305564405198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024716256031012,0.0,0.0,0.18985121430920426,0.19149691958680887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627438176937462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26137345651449634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467790155238693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AcheBae,2019/03/04,I don’t know how much longer I can go on I’m done. My life is shit. I’m a huge fuck up and I just overall hate myself. I don’t have a family. Most of my friends only care about themselves. My job is shit but I can’t get a better one because I have a felony. I feel so stupid in school. I’m constantly struggling and I wanna just give up. I know for a fact my life won’t get better. I’m going to set a date. The day after my 24th birthday I’m ending it.,-2.4094285714285704,-0.6520492761904748,0.8504761904761899,101.43285714285715,98.90476190476193,3.5619047619047617,13.666666666666668,5.2151,-1.2742190476190474,346,7,90,2,15,122,65,105,0.215,0.655,0.129,-0.8767,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,5,1,7,0,10,5,2,1,1,12,26,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,1,1,15,4,10,24,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,1,5,53,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747166781382465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408652422765661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647640754680226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824651116540668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427929965561907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972049407079268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068014179884872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166587904510856,0.0,0.09743784327546204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888402402139025,0.1781534080393611,0.20136165503310632,0.1848609641056584,0.21903829551910012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025708273301067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123077275161013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181213735416585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222761282652985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416609369353264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058243819500956,0.14656144550960454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502855894071167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956194714608011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145794438585854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MalevolentFrog,2019/03/04,"I hope this is ok to post here This is exceptionally hard to write.

I'm old, from most of the posts here.  And I'm incredibly lost and confused.  

When I was younger I had issues with depression and attempted suicide.  After I started college...something just shifted.  I can't explain it, but for the next decade I was what I think was normal.  

When I was 32 I was in an office meeting and something just shifted again.  And I can't explain it at all.  But the world just looked different.  It was a sudden shift in perception but not in understanding.   I thought it was a mood.  Or something I would get over.  But I was...I was not who I used to be.  

I started drinking.  It was literally the only way I could control what was happening.  That, and as I later found out, exercise.  So a job that entailed a ton of exercise, and then nights of drinking, rinse wash and repeat.

This kept me going for about 8 years. 8 years during which I was busy or drunk and telling myself that I would get better.  Then a DUI, and some enforced sobriety that made me realize I was not going to get better.  And that I was not at all happy with life unless exhausting myself. 

So I stuck with sobriety. I figured I could find ways to work through the general bleakness.    That ended with another failed suicide attempt that resulted in a huge hospital bill.  And since then another year in which, almost every day, I've wished I would just be killed by something.  Because I can't afford to not die again.

So thats my story.  And I don't know if this is outside the scope of the subreddit or not, but...I want to live, honestly.  But I can't go on like this.  And my experiences asking for help when I was younger resulted in being locked up and billed, and older in being ignored.  So.  How can I ask for help, or who can I ask for help, without being thrown into a pych ward, charged 12k, and then dismissed as not actually anyones problem after losing my job for being AWOL for a month?  (not in the military, just seems the handiest expression.)

​

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suicidewatch,Lindzy93,2019/03/04,"I never knew you... I never knew you, but I think about you often. I never met you, but the effect you had on others told me the kind of person you were. We never spoke, but you taught me several life lessons when you decided to end yours... 
I remember waiting for my husband to get home the day they told your crew at work. I remember him walking through the door, dead silent, before throwing his arms around me and choking back sobs... I had never seen him so broken. All he could manage to say was your name, and that you had committed suicide that weekend. I had no words. I didn’t know you. But he did. He knew you well. You had spent countless hours together during 12 hour midnight shifts. You had inside jokes and fond memories. I didn’t know you... but I knew of you. I recognized your name because it had come up in my husband’s stories often. I didn’t know you, but I shared in his memories of you.
They had your funeral at the chapel on base the following week. My husband, dressed in his blues, insisted that we arrive early. We did by about an hour and there were only a few people in the chapel. I remember looking around the room at all the flowers and photographs. Then my eyes fell on something that made my blood run cold. A folded flag. Your folded flag. The one waiting to be presented to the young widow you left behind. I didn’t know you. But I could only imagine what your family must have been feeling. I never met you, but I watched your wife break that day. I will never forget her scream as they fired the first few rounds of your 21 gun salute. The sound she made was far more piercing than the bullets. She crumpled over as if they had been aimed at her. My husband held his composure as did most of your fellow crew members. Though the silent tears dampening their faces did not go unnoticed. I never met you. But you changed my life the day you decided to take yours. I am grateful for the time I have with my husband. I hold him and breathe him in as if each time would be my last. I never leave or let him leave angry for fear that hurtful words would be the last words... I pay close attention to his moods and the way he talks about work. I make sure he knows he is loved and needed. I cherish every moment I have with him. Because even though I didn’t know you, you taught me how precious life is. ",2.2949705478107205,4.436969747300218,3.0153755154133144,92.18596529550364,78.30885529157665,6.02334576870214,22.617759670135477,7.075746649084167,0.6610954643628513,1815,56,378,21,44,569,219,463,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.09,-0.9377,1,0,1,1,0,1,64.0,3,36,5,5,16,14,0,1,22,0,40,9,5,5,14,88,76,30,3,8,13,6,3,0,1,4,3,4,3,1,9,18,0,4,21,2,2,7,16,4,1,2,41,13,102,9,44,25,7,59,2,2,6,1,85,20,1,6,30,269,111,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653349933378584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328560750487283,0.0,0.10034178362426824,0.0,0.07003343782514257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706522182506375,0.07089638926884476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142383394136853,0.0,0.0,0.15923507549220492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289566146486592,0.0,0.0,0.05436008107118685,0.0,0.06934347740720351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758755224258222,0.09261328942310483,0.041614659809959535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700065366187173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299970366381968,0.0,0.04677445562711996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255620313487991,0.0,0.2431544024159658,0.0,0.08810661929138683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570547704556364,0.2713880893698046,0.13417518284491312,0.0,0.17429310757617367,0.08942199924035675,0.08415996916735108,0.1743982489425595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911344282806588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428129612354202,0.15575339153350615,0.054937614469260494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102632380494506,0.5712914449827593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055770361493714234,0.12518964893128054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057058249464651274,0.07186344252166041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796983540734181,0.0,0.0,0.06545031884687079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297849436729788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336055074861265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002566956246649,0.0,0.0775692121985208,0.0,0.0618813011149459,0.06615170012610001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273617313132544,0.16172374346013485,0.0,0.095982598157524,0.0,0.0,0.15728729362456656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653279609742343,0.06601816914147582,0.0,0.07399990791224614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983452396191085,0.0,0.0,0.11693078978447433,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flowers3210,2019/03/04,"Am I a bad person if I end my life? I'm in a really dark place right now and I don't know anybody to reach out to.

I'm 17 years old. I've been suicidal for a long, long time. I've wanted to not exist for as long as I can remember, but I started having thoughts of actually hurting myself since I was 9 years old.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed because of the way the topic of suicide is treated. I feel completely alienated from my family and friends. However when I was 13 I managed to try and take my life which ended up me being in hospital and everyone was surprised. I wasn't even old enough to stay in an actual mental hospital and nobody really knew how to help me.

I saw a psychiatrist and psychologist for a few years and then I started trying to open up about what I was thinking. My psychiatrist just got mad at me and said ""If I continue to think like that, then I will end up like one of the losers who kill themselves"" and she said that I would never do anything in life with my type of thinking.  (very triggering to me and my thoughts).

I have a couple of friends who think differently of me thankfully and has said a lot of positive things. They say that it's not real.

In that time I've been to one other psychiatric hospital and I really hated it there, no doctor even asked me why I feel the way I do. They were really unsupportive.

I just don't know how to get help at this point and one of the big reasons I feel suicidal (something I can actually identify) is that I'm scared of how other people view me. I don't want to make anyone angry or to hate me for ending my life.

I feel like my whole life I've been striving to be average but I never am.",3.327043478260869,4.347494863768116,5.2859130434782635,81.74452173913045,72.82608695652175,9.114202898550726,27.13333333333333,9.490545024520769,2.293867246376812,1308,46,275,31,25,453,167,345,0.18,0.721,0.099,-0.9886,2,0,1,0,0,3,29.0,0,0,2,1,11,18,4,3,13,0,27,6,0,6,2,54,60,27,4,5,9,0,5,3,2,2,6,4,0,1,15,17,0,0,16,0,0,0,9,10,0,3,18,11,47,8,44,38,4,43,0,2,2,0,15,16,0,4,27,189,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.2345113400848299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601093602169762,0.0,0.06591918650941991,0.0,0.07488690367916083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688392001023646,0.04883096588616359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839880548434704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886341168723012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369216373412851,0.0,0.08199036046045285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837952788695932,0.08276937227348899,0.0,0.10581654694502428,0.0,0.0,0.07654329225467978,0.0,0.0,0.07551540305353223,0.0,0.16201298881858553,0.05722667805903173,0.07691289181168724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377709167295366,0.0,0.04185130036327745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406689445572136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581732393765044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738472925007164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575353487980793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886237720138665,0.0,0.08804668773247343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829009224648044,0.11740505227715994,0.0,0.0,0.21266991223076265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810198996779726,0.0,0.0,0.05347038254892752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072650545249037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356307303299828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252168625130126,0.0,0.16284266760232793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553438124172905,0.06994416849071769,0.08369216373412851,0.0,0.07572465416055592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091176469663359,0.20526800158921515,0.08236077782474066,0.0,0.0,0.0907427945624833,0.0684088139871628,0.22859319871161626,0.06370232163337998,0.08019858900806205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626327857583393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166836546815677,0.0,0.0,0.11339676916406845,0.08538074957901418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628639978582539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022862250585944,0.0,0.0,0.0737494705686446,0.0,0.0,0.053217877140006746,0.2053109425110719,0.0,0.12718806660194032,0.0934191681073894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877140839165683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609461009929446,0.09449543104921447,0.1271664632030294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228186095367553,0.08943382488898817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056903945702106024,0.0,0.0,0.1547540346272526
suicidewatch,49HoursOfPorn,2019/03/04,"Should I ask someone in my life for help? People often talk about how they wished ""person who committed suicide had reached out for help"". 

Let's say I don't and I just get it over with and leave behind 5 people that feel that way. Now let's say I reach out to 1 of those people and then go through with it anyway. I feel like that's putting so, so much more pain on the person who knew. 

Even though there's nothing anyone can do at this point people will feel like they let me down and if I reach out to someone they're going to feel even more like they let me down.

Things are okay when I talk with the people who know how bad things are for me, they don't know how close I am to going through with it. But I called a suicide helpline a few days ago and until they ended the call the company of someone who knew where my mind was at made it easier. And 2 of my friends know I've been close before and that I'm not okay right now, they also know I called the suicide helpline 2 days ago. When they're around it's okay. I can't just have someone with me 24/7 to make everything feel okay for the rest of my life and I want your opinions on telling those 2 friends how close I am when I feel like it could cause them more pain when I do get it done. ",4.704719101123594,4.052399097378282,4.654621722846444,93.39496629213484,69.26217228464421,7.719250936329589,25.665168539325844,6.079149491110277,0.5085757303370784,977,21,237,4,15,301,122,267,0.096,0.7709999999999999,0.134,0.0993,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,1,7,0,24,13,0,0,8,4,22,4,0,7,1,52,45,24,3,5,5,0,6,4,2,2,4,2,0,2,20,20,0,0,12,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,7,8,31,10,35,31,6,36,0,0,0,0,27,18,0,3,17,156,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305277346559826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903811544672465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036398317543401,0.0,0.0,0.0768520538250846,0.08070694965708239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208199164250678,0.0,0.0,0.0734605200553292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26445792163495857,0.0,0.0,0.08868474931704931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689275258277563,0.0,0.0,0.11135148980227544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834562153571084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646280644335014,0.0,0.0,0.11404037698990722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758788869809455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619064246879854,0.1850226300558441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339677587883794,0.0,0.09020778335217497,0.0,0.14719008272529382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573043498574613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977896655313325,0.0,0.0,0.091411065358329,0.0,0.35311332956752484,0.12195494477981865,0.16870602073433294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168758737076448,0.057625983456465274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716874770533349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346252520832248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283601809082346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372253488291795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992519580136333,0.15076015185169686,0.0,0.0,0.08160980826927476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678555187464204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372539703626495,0.0,0.13730625282976264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925887088068249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832932114899165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877765949290244,0.07545627502832743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470770776147145,0.0,0.08481884274722143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091970439308938,0.06852478096682288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992753051094436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,churrosmmm,2019/03/04,"Anyone else dread that life is taking so long? I’m simultaneously irate that I’m nearing 30, and that many of my “youth” years are behind me or wasted but also deeply concerned that barring no accidents or diseases I could potentially have to live this life for another 30-40 years. It just seems so long. Does anyone else feel this way?  ",6.36671875,7.063739734375003,6.506250000000001,76.91375000000002,65.71875,8.9,28.5,8.841846274778883,2.0761375,269,8,50,4,4,86,49,64,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,9,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668825173450743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882074434013332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918299088585584,0.4276377079758649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661519437592529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826185838544336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486532257780903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055156348005748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947958248257952,0.0,0.0,0.1842695846191302,0.3693531151322473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157028358048532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997579687170668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690251462457844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564165858623206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687680836903614
suicidewatch,07RTZNorth07,2019/03/04,"Just another thing Does anyone else feel they just keep adding reasons why they should die? I just feel I’m constantly fucking everything up.  I feel like I never make those around me happy. I feel I’m constantly judged when I’m not but it’s just my retarded thoughts. I scared my mom and texted her what to do just in case and I don’t know why she never cared. I feel the list I have mentally of all the reasons I fuck up or make mistakes or do wrong keeps growing. I don’t know how to die, I’m very conflicted. I know how to die but I don’t want those methods without assurance it would work. I can’t confess or tell those who I know cause I just feel everyone would judge or throw it in an argument and not give two fucks about my anxiety or depression. I feel it just blow up in an huge argument. I’m a mom to and I couldn’t ever give my baby that grief knowing how it feels losing my dad. But every day I feel no one wants me around, I feel I don’t get along and I feel mentally I’m to blame. I feel everything is my fault, I feel I’m just always making people fucking miserable and I can’t help. The list keeps getting bigger and I’m at the point where I feel everyone would be happy if I was gone. Thanks again for the vent, I need to let theses feelings out and no one would understand. ",0.6186739659367397,2.783831281021904,2.44207299270073,93.82160097323604,84.72992700729927,6.281070559610707,20.44720194647202,7.554174236665415,0.6457794647201949,1017,31,230,18,30,336,133,274,0.256,0.657,0.087,-0.9953,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,2,18,18,4,2,8,0,19,4,0,9,5,83,69,21,4,11,20,3,15,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,12,0,4,25,0,0,3,14,12,0,3,3,15,39,6,21,58,1,25,1,4,0,4,13,14,4,6,9,142,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220148213437215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838629575696608,0.057186757745436786,0.0,0.0,0.05226987417371626,0.0765945110810028,0.0,0.1330941721242688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621688814886529,0.07679315452821601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615654647503102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048210274196993766,0.0,0.06438568219729368,0.0,0.2327491696833777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541790344374815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062447541148065625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761945289803603,0.06298363691367694,0.14286168163460874,0.1343685080511437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5669695381077899,0.05340441481582469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27643621019771925,0.07811196738963606,0.14342207901960066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915447010699987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050106163945425435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993349008816332,0.0,0.0,0.20541476433307904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644123339208313,0.0,0.03652112572866405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363082747538057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969702524361808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066930075408522,0.0,0.0,0.17510242914569554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542929146942167,0.11531009368332246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131076000811318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182514926541995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066688089781492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371953405959582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484199433369752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533846498971768,0.06882362304225616,0.0,0.0,0.04966336825406501,0.0,0.0,0.059346484007215226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302399036842518,0.07782175767300648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168004319928964,0.08818392695705247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490807493833287,0.0,0.0,0.0720603803795119,0.0,0.05442194730600758,0.0,0.0,0.2124129531193588,0.08173198166964421,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AquaticNeverBoned,2019/03/04,"I don't want to die, I just want to live in my thoughts. Life in my head has and always will be the best, I can be whoever I chose to be. My character would always be happy, have amazing and quirky friends, It is my world. 

I hate my real life, I don't want to live with a role, I want to die and live in head my head. I want to soar. ",0.3347807017543865,1.1276067763157904,2.5473684210526346,99.35991228070179,79.92105263157895,6.119298245614036,19.24561403508772,6.42735559955562,-0.3634491228070171,249,5,69,2,6,85,39,76,0.117,0.632,0.251,0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,2,0,12,5,3,0,0,13,19,3,2,6,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,14,4,10,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614834317667465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489441740428445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32614470235181914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139543339811835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726392843298313,0.0,0.15512974724620038,0.4837709187098215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196598499556847,0.0,0.0,0.4162363548962705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884419323309078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474077601538178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633859808514139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161805560632004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Comrade-Thanos,2019/03/04,"I just rewrote and updated my suicide note I don’t have any plans in place to do it at the moment, but I was feeling like I wanted to die again so I decided to take the time to update my suicide note that I have in the notes on my phone, as it was outdated and from a time when my motive was slightly different. It actually surprisingly helped me get over the feeling, which is something that I didn’t expect, though it does make sense because I’m getting all of my feelings regarding it out. At least now if I ever get the urge and opportunity to do it and I decide to seize the opportunity (which is unlikely since I’m waiting for something that’ll make it easier), my note will be updated and ready.",11.211971830985913,6.1799055492957775,11.2747323943662,64.81181690140848,60.40845070422535,14.740281690140845,44.59718309859153,11.979248473330829,5.030310985915493,556,23,112,12,5,190,84,142,0.095,0.772,0.133,0.431,1,0,2,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,3,2,22,27,11,3,3,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,16,4,17,20,2,18,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,11,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.1934444188409252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480356962325976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208395015849514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573201129230373,0.2071087304677681,0.0,0.0,0.1734728875937537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931087873855048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006939622815276,0.1416159424357265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107018375411785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286975718097038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684543228710503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26464085891038763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071087304677681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397835699492955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052151196068081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336640887515145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904470130127992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476050602561493,0.0,0.231179652249648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692151263874312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tylermt95,2019/03/04,"i can't take my mind off it the sunset tonight was beautiful. deep blue sky and pink-red clouds. it broke my train of thought for just long enough for me to realize that my default state of mind is very fucking off. haven't been to class in two weeks and everything i see, everything i do, i see ways to die. im spending a lot of time on r/wpd, crying more, drinking, ignoring people... i need some help. not empathy, not emergency hotlines, idk honestly. i know i dont want to die but i can't shake the thought of suicide",1.2612064570943071,3.41302380373832,2.7606457094307584,92.59546304163128,81.99065420560748,6.881563296516568,25.61512319456245,8.00094639256281,1.5083158878504668,405,17,90,8,11,132,76,107,0.184,0.73,0.086,-0.8863,0,0,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,17,17,3,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,1,1,1,6,4,0,1,4,3,12,1,14,13,4,13,0,1,3,1,1,6,1,2,4,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943226835736215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367200522819108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733224713769172,0.17330030772817648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279095226312184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179830016617706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354653549702555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185762098888435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910885908314911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722278574889892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565560412287393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039896105644934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572487988981745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117338829663264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122644187719306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819419922686134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350620148652733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330111242714885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808868446392777,0.1031551782315973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281123372921475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596578888613224,0.10434360773527697,0.14041956744584566,0.14190313942400476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ARoamingNomad,2019/03/04,"I feel so alone I know Im not totally alone. I have some really damn good friends. And I thank god for them. Their 100% the *only* reason Im here. Plus my family. I have a twin and I couldnt do anything to hurt her (seems relevant to mention Im a male) but Im just at a point where I feel hopeless. Ive had some great relationships in the past but Ive been single going on 5 years now. Just *what* even is the point in life. 

I miss being in love. I miss being loved intimately not talking about sex I just miss knowing someone cares about me as more than a friend and fuck it can’t explain it I just literally want to die Im not asking for help I just want to fucking end my miserable life. Im a drunk piece of shit Ive drank a 5th a day for the past 2 weeks and fuck stopping because Im actually at the point where I have to drink to avoid withdrawals and I feel like there is no point when even alcohol can’t help me what the fuck can. ",-0.9074598012646788,1.1829763317073194,1.5886720867208697,97.19583559168926,93.0,4.988256549232159,17.348690153568207,6.605766666666668,-0.219616079494128,728,20,177,10,27,247,114,205,0.259,0.5760000000000001,0.165,-0.9653,0,4,2,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,0,16,22,6,2,13,0,17,14,1,1,1,32,40,11,1,3,10,0,3,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,4,6,4,2,8,2,0,1,7,13,0,0,3,3,24,9,21,34,6,22,0,6,0,7,15,12,6,3,10,107,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.08508762452028003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318261840931666,0.0,0.1806109521303807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175226991198272,0.0,0.08151352603375878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315193997162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889890144675842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623216217104971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049239173468536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541577890075706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722696731962696,0.0,0.0,0.11518008397249242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219764031273225,0.0,0.1322619443426042,0.06229057528904749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472992858261165,0.3224334659095933,0.0,0.0,0.0495536947401178,0.07313320910333095,0.0,0.09613040307035373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688703222202633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334172805247427,0.0,0.6592825325714231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583779833408153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231737490822514,0.042598012536746624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738986691154966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631407639692895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647084492631978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297016308624085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585795970122431,0.08964875135097658,0.0,0.09361246858726716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937707784499401,0.0,0.0,0.08950218716574053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387820204407901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289711025117432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008229407779454,0.0,0.08027544328616718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285718063470772,0.0,0.06994082896480286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056149323894524435
suicidewatch,TheVeryHungryCocoon,2019/03/04,"Not allowed to end it. I get so angry about being told how selfish I was to try to kill myself. 

I think it's fucked up that I have to suffer through this for the sake of other people's ability to deal with it. Taking one for the team. 

I'm pissed off and terrified that I can't kill myself and I need to figure out a way to just get through it, like fucking always. How the fuck am I supposed to do this. ",1.6083279220779223,2.759223306818185,3.526493506493509,92.17045454545458,77.29545454545455,5.9376623376623385,21.662337662337666,6.18269132825596,0.1703519480519482,313,8,72,2,7,106,59,88,0.342,0.612,0.045,-0.9878,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,6,0,4,0,6,4,1,3,0,12,16,5,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,2,0,9,1,18,13,0,5,0,1,0,3,3,3,4,0,2,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818873601530332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536037070637135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936090196775078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6062586951097858,0.22841223484302955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836827924149389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067937759787398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208436124956838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481246592578416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154525689694467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643551592025516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006593226978714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088755223180048,0.0,0.1484106841490299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735093999777762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DanielCherry55,2019/03/04,"I wanna die I have been cutting badly and realizing i can heat up the razor and give like 2nd degree burns that hurt much longer then cutting and i keep gettinf shit from school and i wanna hang rn from a rope blood dripping out of me mutilated body
",5.743333333333332,5.9433632,6.25,79.93833333333335,67.0,8.266666666666667,28.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.691466666666666,200,6,39,2,3,65,40,50,0.301,0.655,0.044,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,9,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,7,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28272996430163433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761257056435456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351429634570122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324831033045432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624951087136696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009771913223146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543052617167509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892150005549696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426971647614284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475841485226959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,overlyparanoiduser,2019/03/04,"I have no purpose I haven't lurked here in months. I haven't self harmed in 125 days. But tonight I'm breaking. A talk with my mom turned into arguing as usual and she told me that I don't have a purpose. Mentioning how she keeps us inside and won't let us outside led to her responding with ""then go. leave. you don't have a purpose, why leave. you can't."" She agreed I'm too stupid for anything. 

I'm nothing. I already relapsed with a shitty knife. I'm cracking open a shitty disposable razor for the blades soon. I want to leave and disappear into the night. I'm nothing. ",0.5051129943502843,2.911090923728814,2.0780000000000034,94.17575706214693,88.91525423728814,4.8415819209039554,22.27344632768361,6.42735559955562,0.4961541242937853,451,17,95,5,15,146,71,118,0.208,0.757,0.035,-0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,7,0,10,0,0,2,0,14,20,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,1,0,16,0,12,17,0,16,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,0,7,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917344125576417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297918378033084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205260348254413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874456704899988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443454035996526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5519197567289912,0.0,0.17766833642140567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349068107059612,0.13868339852229006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305002559520032,0.0,0.33343034765626345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125627620878512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965145934738948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660229446076297,0.0,0.0,0.18898711688064104,0.0,0.0,0.4179931013010133,0.0,0.1913580507286821,0.0,0.10248063058588036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677986984567904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alakani,2019/03/04,"Meh All the meh.  No family, no friends, blah blah blah.  I don't even give a shit about suicide anymore.  Even that would be pointless - the universe is such an asshole that I would probably just wake up tomorrow in an even shittier life, if I did kill myself.",3.754200000000001,5.4692146200000025,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,72.8,8.200000000000001,30.5,8.841846274778883,2.4816,201,9,40,4,4,64,38,50,0.376,0.528,0.096,-0.9257,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,5,0,6,3,2,0,1,5,7,1,2,3,2,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26071448736038283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209055964144491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478276299988915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310679700483167,0.0,0.0,0.25218634811570584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908468801284016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568573378136324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834379790460241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698509937829306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875570588562091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734965167554359,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwitallaway2586,2019/03/04,"I'm considering suicide for moral reasons. My sister and I had several incest encounters when we were young teens. I had thought all were consensual but now I'm not sure. I can't remember. I know some were for sure but other times I don't know, and I'm afraid to ask her because we've never spoken of any of them since then.

Now in our 30s she's having major anxiety attacks and telling me that my going to therapy is causing them/making them worse because she ""doesn't want old wounds/skeletons brought up"". I told her I have no idea what she's talking about but I obviously do. 

I'm feeling like, if I am the cause, then the right thing to do is end my life so I'm not causing her trauma anymore by being around her or her husband and daughter.",2.6481447963800946,4.397609732026147,4.116339869281045,86.5127601809955,75.86274509803921,6.7991955756661655,27.45550527903469,7.61054688173877,1.5530114630467575,591,24,121,8,13,196,99,153,0.146,0.8009999999999999,0.053,-0.9156,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,2,0,2,0,6,6,1,1,2,0,16,2,0,4,5,30,30,13,1,2,7,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,8,1,25,3,12,21,3,16,1,0,0,1,19,4,0,3,11,80,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892868664242647,0.0,0.12253815458553124,0.0,0.1588566760448588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425951993186599,0.14974776860155106,0.18222920236166076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195289905734113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936505483967571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187296998033902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099241111634611,0.11443345795860485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103464877990726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082504061637447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606276094927475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314069561728632,0.07825642730259101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235415911139546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808318975834274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469291816874898,0.0,0.0,0.1814540371520553,0.13679384169954506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809591253458425,0.0,0.13250351689617734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521219862243306,0.0,0.30193770911711776,0.0,0.0,0.12874755475896196,0.14000540053226254,0.0,0.18318112478876847,0.0,0.10641725001170199,0.0,0.0,0.12716595446371814,0.09340292682302223,0.0,0.0,0.15305996981344452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447900265236446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632382941868477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,edithesadparts,2019/03/04,"Need help with sending my note automatically Hi im looking for any info you may give on automating sending my note to a few friends. yes i know its an odd question, but atm i have pretty much everything else in place and would just like to leave something for a long time online friend. i appreciate any tips or advice you may have, ty",4.224090909090911,5.74440534848485,5.112545454545458,81.9188181818182,71.27272727272728,7.704242424242422,28.35151515151515,8.238735603445708,1.8440096969696973,267,10,53,4,5,87,53,66,0.038,0.645,0.317,0.9705,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,12,9,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,7,6,2,7,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,4,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284708786754017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31798991452726005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953135109129152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012824989677048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612732802456105,0.0,0.0,0.22428641128823254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671410945316802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525487900725649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849274151600598,0.0,0.0,0.24756501958296875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422498239994075,0.0,0.0,0.206909468633503,0.19633674635927495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718730794176382,0.173362943124357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442757550239653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23786305085951376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619143506100735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999399064030774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363331810588474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608788302310729,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,victormorales72,2019/03/04,"I’m still in love with my ex and I can’t let go. Before I met her I was already pretty depressed. I had made plans to kill myself on my birthday. No one knew about it except I friend I told in confidence. I didn’t go through with it and I began dates this amazing woman that changed my life. We were together for a full year. There were bumps. I kept fucking up. She broke up with me about a month ago. At first it was ok. We ended on good terms, talked everyday, kept up with each other. But now as time goes on it just keeps getting worse. I feel her slowly slipping away out of my life and it hurts really bad. Today she told me she wants me to love on and I lost it. Now I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t let her go and I can’t find any reason to keep moving on. ",-1.2292822227939268,0.8041912840236733,1.030681759711861,100.76038847440188,94.7396449704142,3.8858759969127865,15.040133779264215,5.511479884284512,-0.9963843066632364,593,13,145,4,23,197,104,169,0.139,0.711,0.15,0.4842,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,2,0,0,3,7,13,2,0,2,1,13,5,0,2,0,27,35,7,1,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,10,13,0,4,5,0,0,4,6,7,0,2,15,1,30,6,28,18,3,32,0,4,0,3,17,14,1,0,14,99,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312585615008192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340321009879355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006953169500091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684950160531607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912028577028832,0.0,0.12363550583075385,0.0,0.0,0.12599996682493178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664253251358976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753581698416913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114950817046894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487060350482018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533684491863074,0.12595156778552438,0.0,0.0,0.11440151337498668,0.1368919172260301,0.07736249145230575,0.0,0.2524613973107936,0.12419734631211267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851615246261885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322973855685405,0.16382181068165313,0.0,0.08137753269291592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028311518720431,0.2091779228464472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164013317822912,0.0,0.26728491811718874,0.1401110867575237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118191159342039,0.1573791020294756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033869414732163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064437079775114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485992000568476,0.1522446116408503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182519928766178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901617684558485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634307096143302,0.0,0.14035672564269636,0.2829818782873429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733781164947191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089993534468366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535472476076008
suicidewatch,maczombie1337,2019/03/04,"Question I suffer from crohn's disease, bipolar, and ankylosing spondylitis. Went through a divorce a year ago. Since then I've lost my job and child support has emptied my bank account a number of times. About to lose my house and everything else I own. My utilities get shut off almost daily, I'm actually tethering from my phone to post this.  I have a 3 year old daughter which as so far prevented me from taking my life. But I suffer all day, everyday.

​

I was lucky enough to buy a 12 gage shotgun online and picked it up today, along with some shells before child support had garnished the money. I've given up on life, honestly nothing sounds fun or interesting anymore and hasn't for a years. I'm actually ok with giving up. I thought picking up the shotgun today would be hard and emotional, but I felt a huge sense of relief and was calm.

​

How can I tell my daughter why I'm doing what I'm doing? I don't want her to hate me forever.",4.9414075286415695,6.047980702127662,5.741489361702127,79.65653846153847,69.1063829787234,8.337806873977089,32.01472995090016,8.617729084823388,2.602224549918166,764,33,141,12,13,250,125,188,0.101,0.7559999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.6864,1,0,0,2,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,3,14,1,0,9,1,12,3,0,3,1,26,28,14,0,2,3,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,10,0,1,3,0,4,1,2,5,0,0,8,3,19,9,22,18,4,22,0,4,0,0,10,9,0,5,11,83,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.25010468064504665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359399651685875,0.0,0.12832004656672694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776930068484579,0.31142365338861194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708673310999685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904309501019704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264378657332726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704982181975692,0.14414738195473273,0.0,0.13240942258163568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516966545533128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230405802791288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695117243467498,0.12292964400042615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479394812725915,0.12651797831997105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786366851864835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716546692272868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810270961949768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336297338995613,0.13988686539976858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295986720677707,0.0,0.13446802494509824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272876865476247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355322595858214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600397482297337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908378909749916,0.0,0.0,0.09635009798718132,0.0,0.11200554748090932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017338780967877,0.07472316007353698,0.0,0.24293548887741914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558403016810647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187929389469484,0.11563213794080908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103148164681617,0.0,0.31142365338861194,0.2475661202245966
suicidewatch,lilahhhh,2019/03/04,"I think im going to leave today No particular reason why today. In fact today was pretty normal and good. Maybe a spur of the moment thought, but I know i cant keep this up anymore. I am tired and worn out. I have no desire to keep this up. I dont want to live anymore, it is tiring, boring, and i dont care if its a result of my mental illness. So im going to the store and im going to buy my supplies. I hope I dont have to go through this again.",-1.387647058823532,0.43313405882353,2.0700980392156865,95.36044117647059,90.76470588235294,3.7921568627450974,15.362745098039214,4.7782277997778095,-1.0028196078431373,342,7,82,1,12,124,61,102,0.221,0.6709999999999999,0.108,-0.8743,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,9,3,0,2,1,19,22,7,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,0,2,4,6,1,0,0,3,0,11,3,13,19,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545663741584753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085569978070102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512561472251821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917643883741739,0.1076492183669572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274749778598896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41590202425212536,0.0,0.0,0.2281568523644072,0.0,0.0,0.0705347420629191,0.0,0.0,0.13589821957305678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333048279860165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893923029128487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293409981993489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575029099731358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057242565398036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195944945983198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223792822686829,0.0,0.1018911409649824,0.0,0.2950260834094672,0.3649665372884416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570086992292878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158108850996538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reetuuw,2019/03/04,Every time I’m suicidial I come to Reddit And then realise how much worse everyone else is doing. I don’t have a real life myself. I don’t have friends or family and it’s just bizarre to see how complicated lives everyone else has. ,1.126241134751773,3.691293999999999,3.5330851063829805,83.6841666666667,87.72340425531915,7.388652482269504,22.72695035460993,8.344100000000001,1.9202652482269504,186,7,36,5,6,64,36,47,0.121,0.809,0.07,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,8,10,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,10,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614550329188424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386186154762848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211920206372588,0.5017154546935023,0.0,0.0,0.2474889938971081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028292682483176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543200947691507,0.0,0.0,0.2318179328461905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298903537047893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298815497655209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920163777779385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308278172873474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675394980515412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-1-sui,2019/03/04,"Does anyone want to join me? I have my plan which I’ve thought a lot about. I have a way to do it that will simultaneously dispose of my body so there is no cleanup for those left behind.

I recently sorted through my belongings so that will be easy for who is left behind to sift through. March 7 is the day.

My partner recently acted so abusive towards me that I realized that was the final push I needed. I’m ready to go.

I’ve thought about this for a long time and sought lots of treatment to no avail. I would rather die than rejoin society. I am 90% catatonic and I don’t think it’s fair to ask my family and friends to continue caring for me. I feel like I have seen what everyone else saw in the movie Bird Box and there is a deep emptiness inside of me that can’t be fixed.

Let me know if you’d like to join. Sometimes suicide is the kindest option and life is worse than death.",2.51942028985507,4.028365000000004,3.751608695652177,90.0136811594203,75.63043478260869,7.080579710144929,25.31014492753623,7.793537801064563,1.1825084057971007,696,24,154,10,15,227,112,184,0.145,0.73,0.125,-0.8357,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,8,0,21,2,1,0,0,20,34,9,3,5,2,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,3,21,4,25,22,2,17,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,5,10,102,33,0,0.0,0.19665816224511576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605648714685947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516810808056936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436542827265312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922681448256333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704282641077152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172260162262415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452494805126497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865428932384555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586001992591644,0.0,0.0,0.1564703792930213,0.0,0.08392404988181526,0.1185755443194642,0.0,0.18182205563464648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282350864771569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432978102360193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121780502997606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606736836994772,0.16972493546042214,0.11723598855463713,0.1621780662655148,0.0,0.0,0.1468863326129263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822190909400791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230714432485709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277687911801957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641576322795656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155426038580905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635274311169972,0.0,0.2635378243117353,0.0967837823539102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978988083215728,0.1317465306821224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914694296827207,0.1179068323447364,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Latinidealist,2019/03/04,"Tonight is the night I’ve decided that tonight is the night I finally kill myself. I’m currently at my family business office with a rope in my bag and plan to hang myself when I get home. Am 18 in my senior year of high school with an absolute shit gpa (Last time I checked it was a 2.0 last year but I think it’s gotten worse) and everyone is in the process of getting accepted by colleges. I applied to a community college to get my gen ed but to be honest I don’t think I can do college/don’t even want to. All my grades are dancing between the line of passing and failing. I have no motivation left for life anymore. I get shit on by everyone in my family for choosing the community college they are all telling me that I won’t finish it. So I started to show interest in labor work which they hated even more. They don’t seem to understand how shit my grades are, I can’t go anywhere with these grades or SAT score. They along with others tell me I’m smart but it doesn’t translate to my grades which is what matters. I have these memories from my childhood where horrible things are happening but I can’t verify them so I just tell myself it didn’t happen. My friends are okay,everyone seems to like me but I don’t feel connected to anybody. I have no one I my life who I can talk to. I have therapist who if I bring my true feelings up with she’ll probably contact my parents and then they’ll be even more disappointed with me. I’m absolutely worthless. I was planning on joining the military so I could have a career that will let me leave home. I was put in a psychiatric hospital at 16 so there goes that. I only have $48 to my name with no driver licenses,car,and only a summer job. I just wanna runaway but I think death is better option. I’m so fucking worthless I’m not good at except general labor cause I’m too stupid for everything else that requires skill. The only thing that interest me are history and writing (even though I have a D in English). There are no careers for me in history or writing. The community college claims that’ll be done in 2 years but everyone is saying that almost no one finishes in those 2 years. I can’t stand my family anymore. I never expected to live this far. I just wanna end the pain. In the eyes of my parents I’m worthless they don’t think I’ll accomplish anything and they are right. Tonight I’m gonna eat dinner,shower,play with my dog,and then hang myself. There is no hope for me. Life is meaningless. ",1.9405389221556888,4.167229938123756,3.744945708582837,86.05990958083834,79.95808383233533,7.201612774451099,26.187664670658684,8.238735603445708,1.8771104670658687,1953,81,393,40,50,655,233,501,0.166,0.745,0.08900000000000001,-0.9923,5,0,0,0,0,4,44.0,0,0,8,9,20,24,7,0,18,0,50,10,4,3,4,63,83,26,2,7,15,2,2,1,1,6,4,1,2,0,25,15,1,1,13,2,1,7,18,13,0,2,7,4,69,11,55,65,4,55,0,5,1,1,23,22,4,8,26,266,94,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514596766545696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865522040572867,0.0,0.0,0.06997302452770861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752027479788983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873499560695762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789009834728836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701593249697764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700763840561299,0.0710322425149541,0.0,0.07531196553203907,0.0,0.0,0.22464791290358327,0.0,0.0,0.3250019273586093,0.07642011418536893,0.0,0.240478141337326,0.0,0.08598815793024284,0.0,0.0,0.09314698025852232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569451119032202,0.07860951593002577,0.1777001338702888,0.0,0.04832490876932916,0.07131972048626176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038474193343934,0.0,0.0,0.08395021650439861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983960756964368,0.17058545872299333,0.08445467536019148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843798535339136,0.0,0.09407387592652054,0.0,0.0,0.13862274575204336,0.0,0.09003523835623177,0.09238610898457478,0.08694965612135792,0.1801791032452656,0.04154170703898005,0.0,0.07508366970410199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558092110876933,0.0,0.0,0.15959111163685327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152380116489746,0.194009046680197,0.09047866445245094,0.0,0.1888330687702559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167748081694348,0.0,0.0,0.0854793434282905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261575684571235,0.0,0.06761982891714703,0.0,0.08605561229270789,0.0,0.15481751927287898,0.0,0.0,0.2618483880237233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018517013211619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834445918545988,0.2229617502328942,0.0,0.0,0.09872720139707923,0.11298124323479446,0.21793696762446027,0.08354223521966643,0.0,0.049582087457969264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851996191270721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050153312447341884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619033654185138,0.0,0.08665355202624164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219027942831934
suicidewatch,thisworldsucksbad,2019/03/04,"Tonight is the night that I kill myself. I am legally blind,have no money,no job,and i live in a small redneck piece of shit town.I have been using some wire to habd myself until i start to get dizzy but have never been able to bring myself to do it. My relative smoked me out and gave me a xanax so now that I am in a gives zero fucks state I will prob go all the way.",0.7972648083623675,2.109520085365858,2.5054006968641107,97.96451219512196,79.85365853658536,5.173519163763067,16.592334494773517,5.288315135182226,-0.8790543554006969,285,4,71,1,7,94,59,82,0.161,0.823,0.016,-0.8793,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,5,0,9,3,1,1,2,7,17,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,0,12,0,9,13,3,14,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,6,48,15,1,0.30477755052660016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817619343418214,0.15923369092064565,0.2923703980964332,0.17321210556567496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024446909501186,0.0,0.3371912031068049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691241608985602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506323590611602,0.0,0.0,0.2860130849717255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31284977584446805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157231189441712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632299478186481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419182333807548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZippyZeebra2,2019/03/04,Why does the government and people want to keep suicidal people alive? Why not just let people do what they want?,4.23,6.860714142857147,4.238333333333333,83.37750000000003,74.23809523809524,8.009523809523811,20.02380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.4672666666666667,91,2,16,2,2,28,17,21,0.166,0.628,0.205,-0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24486653432967945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487109480246338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861280920856902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5819620023127398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060703720010177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300823083717865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049760237523371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JackFusion07,2019/03/04,"I don't know what to do anymore. It's been about four years since I last attempted to commit suicide via overdose. My school tends to judge me when they find this out, and they have been threatening my future, the only thing I look foreward to, by claiming that if I mention anything like that at the school ever again, they'll somehow put a mark on my record that I can never work in an emergency position. I'm honestly nothing but a burden to my parents, doing all the wrong things and never knowing how to let out my feelings without somehow ruining someone else's life, not to mention how much social anxiety makes it hard and extremely embarrassing to talk to anyone. I've wanted to try several times, but at this point there's nothing I can do to control my feelings but break down. I'm so scared and I don't know what to so anymore. ",9.509714285714287,6.85537212727273,9.121645021645024,71.64818181818183,61.06060606060606,11.852813852813853,41.753246753246756,9.957137785484203,4.139597402597404,671,30,124,10,7,217,104,165,0.14,0.797,0.063,-0.9317,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,3,3,11,7,0,2,6,0,12,1,0,4,5,30,23,13,1,2,6,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,4,17,2,22,19,2,19,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,3,10,91,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480976174925125,0.0,0.2976754006240228,0.10493848641080827,0.0,0.12350194710280507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832597516657974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537146017179254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575473733615734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176855658087504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716917350738306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444099813478955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743791481769656,0.12233413610937342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346559482582778,0.10600499372543153,0.07332085099818318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260282735248988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017866886419667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103250810970236,0.0,0.2314998245222684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880090378889032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141415813798131,0.0,0.0,0.16664458788178807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187284048444312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087050219306772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502549169956443,0.30377522621063546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954616411174672,0.0,0.12414661586216068,0.0,0.0,0.15298629086409066,0.12716115897226066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416169190277036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062753954204257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941118194865692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875120717421031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189355661696732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852028024670136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467046968740488,0.0,0.10925904965527804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408745158375038,0.0,0.09664573452500276
suicidewatch,holly-hideaway,2019/03/04,"Need Help - I Think Everyone Hates Me This is probably gonna be a bit long. I created a throwaway account for this, don't want people to recognize me, but I'll give a few details. You can call me K, and I'm a 16 year old kinda-girl that goes to a technical high school. I've been suicidal since I was 12, and I have chronic depression and PTSD.

I grew up kinda bouncing around everywhere. I haven't lived in a single house for more than a year and a half until this one, and my mom decided we're going to be moving in August or September. Obviously this makes it kinda hard to keep friends.

I've been trying my best to make do, though. When I first started getting depressed, I made friends online, since my friends at home weren't talking to me. And that was good, I had good people to talk to and ones that understood what I was going though.

After my traumatic event happened just after I turned 13, I didn't really know what to do. My step-dad and only friend in person had killed himself, and I was the one that found him. I had attempted to kill myself twice by then, and the only person who knew was my mom. She didn't react very well to it.

I made it through that school year, though, and I made some friends but things still felt awful. I made my first real plan at killing myself, and wrote it all down in a journal, since I had no one to talk to. One of my friends found it, unfortunately, and decided to talk about it to everyone *except* me.

So I became the laughing stock of my school, because depression and suicidal tenancies are a joke apparently. My mom heard, she threatened to get me locked in a mental hospital ( And asked if I wanted to become someone like my step-dad, ho had been abused to the point of suicide. Ironic.) and sent to live with my aunt 500 miles away. Obviously this scared the shit out of me, so I lied and said that I as never planning anything like that, that my friend made it up.

But she decided that we were going to move. And we moved away, and despite my ability to keep in touch with people, all of my friends kind of just... Disappeared. Most of them stopped responding to my messages, one of them out of the blue blocked me, and I never knew what it was I did.

I've tried everything. Things were really great for a little while, I have an s/o and I love them so, so much even though they live 2,000 miles away, and I had some really great friends, even though none of them were in person. No one at my school likes me, and I've tried so hard to make friends but people end up just leaving one day and then they act like I never existed. All of a sudden my great friends online are doing that too, and now I'm nearly alone again with just partner, one friend online who I barely know, and one friend in person who doesn't talk to me outside of shop.

I've tried therapy and medication, I keep trying to make new friends and get out there and do new things but it all backfires, and at this point it has to be me. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong but clearly I just keep fucking up.

I don't know what else to do. I have a trip planned over the summer, and once I get back there's gonna be this small window where I'm still in the apartment I'm at. I live not even a half a mile away from a tall bridge and could walk there easily.

I don't want to kill myself. I have things I love, like my partner and the story I'm working on. I don't want to leave those behind, but I'm so tired of being a complete fuck up and never learning what I did wrong. I'm so tired of holding onto this, trying to believe I can change or that I'm not a shitty person, I'm just in a shitty place. I've run out of energy to fight this. I don't want to kill myself but I can't stand being a sad sack of shit all the time and trying and failing to do something about it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be happy again.",3.7486187832306053,4.231050500000002,4.730462052416129,88.09938479273515,71.43142144638405,7.848341410624382,25.481202653743,7.837336299996399,1.1504570837058292,2999,83,666,36,53,980,304,802,0.168,0.654,0.17800000000000002,0.9274,1,1,1,0,2,5,97.0,2,1,6,9,39,51,11,1,32,1,59,11,2,10,12,127,124,65,8,9,21,4,4,5,16,2,4,2,2,7,46,46,0,7,16,2,2,13,22,19,1,15,38,7,94,32,103,76,15,95,0,5,1,5,60,46,4,8,40,457,140,8,0.0,0.0486049664510688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042486948750768166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040683306969583034,0.0,0.0,0.03375803049087519,0.03651873129103955,0.03835050933777962,0.0,0.1541679945744906,0.031543778119926195,0.0,0.025006941416797275,0.04530613946133515,0.0,0.046218321123728485,0.04305059349148565,0.0,0.044785956322698835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188856943218336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433963763245933,0.0,0.04301132138319105,0.0,0.0,0.03275313630510187,0.0,0.0,0.02645612532490931,0.0,0.10599788358687252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034269043318336405,0.0,0.0363337678472303,0.0,0.0,0.10837992418789304,0.0,0.0,0.07839753281652534,0.03686838695623735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03938804291144113,0.0,0.0,0.06978745231687238,0.0,0.08995812993271401,0.44371445389715497,0.0758492991706514,0.08573027360065515,0.03935252972631097,0.06994211360941427,0.0688154703909513,0.0,0.1356823867145912,0.0,0.0,0.03627607022718537,0.043669224841630126,0.0734962228648918,0.0405012358348013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02749652382133285,0.04334253424222547,0.0411489224293169,0.0,0.0,0.047334468899961415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585076748866413,0.22692664732998116,0.04271863158427493,0.11272449367486745,0.0,0.0,0.08687383008517266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002076316073468,0.041115332148256536,0.1448945120406605,0.03630363056008438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404883403232339,0.1940824548291101,0.10953137622155044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041325863166911184,0.04134104161157304,0.0,0.0,0.14413520418631354,0.0,0.1308013084512376,0.03015626505452083,0.03041767146550244,0.12655635507268034,0.07923959181794064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304622365026908,0.04368763445632128,0.27797914533574525,0.062398934994749175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375937322784015,0.17909636765853787,0.0428597918874544,0.0,0.07755906343588527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442292042345472,0.0,0.047953119078856465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669259749596864,0.0788402112880237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039021801191932125,0.0,0.04107068907278527,0.16606788134692047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421803427396532,0.10180273287817504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034758239708296085,0.031581132474973427,0.0,0.0,0.02903594381023138,0.0,0.06552125915816158,0.034296655333336916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346159035713254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486169867871808,0.0,0.0,0.04691281547846633,0.0,0.10901413165317336,0.026285568073601218,0.20152203959002712,0.0,0.023920555549868532,0.09429868147400457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496114111992185,0.04462071110883573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03384786708033245,0.14517683598015546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036884163210397135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029864875948851736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970335000667272,0.0,0.07925145463963222
suicidewatch,bola981,2019/03/04,"I think about suicide almost daily (Disclaimer: English is not my first language, so I apologise in advance for any grammar mistakes.)

The title pretty much sums it up. I just want to get away from here, I dont want to be here anymore. Only thing that is keeping me from ending it all is the fact that this pain wont go away it just multiplies, people close to me  will suffer. It's better that only I bear this pain, no one else. I just needed to get this off my chest. ",1.4163157894736855,3.6757519473684255,2.89605263157895,91.21986842105262,82.15789473684211,4.6421052631578945,21.07894736842105,5.6839178017228535,0.10982105263157926,365,11,73,2,10,119,65,95,0.16899999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.114,-0.8353,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,2,14,15,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,0,0,10,1,13,12,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967843170128612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363892929990145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489297771912736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36927012292871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380413664053698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303175469462625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416551144403682,0.0,0.17405655378006693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715804838131462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053450118398576,0.0,0.11168566671583237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467416304024938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446328804482295,0.1457155528587223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331656333119783,0.298921477959528,0.4182178599101096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624078672126794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992938130840232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495871607308695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305577785701923,0.12592075262547106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23182272998904996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jango411,2019/03/04,"My life isn't special. I live the most boring life possible. I am a student at college, and I'm struggling trying to pass my classes. In fact, I just finished taking a test that I bombed. I have no girlfriend or anyone of interest. I work as a janitor at a school. I have no real friends. Those who I hang out with don't really care about me. If I were to stop talking to them, they wont reach out to me. I have a brother who is really successful, getting scholarships, getting internships, and already saving for retirement. I don't get awards; No recognition, no achievements. Everything I try at, I do average at best. I don't excel in anything. All I'm going to amount to is just a name that will be forgotten eventually.

I don't plan on killing myself, but I definitely don't see the point of living.",2.4489583333333336,4.5773018125000045,4.500000000000004,81.79833333333336,77.75,8.016666666666666,28.791666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.600404166666667,630,29,121,15,15,216,99,160,0.134,0.753,0.113,0.4279,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,7,3,12,1,1,8,0,17,2,0,0,2,17,26,6,1,1,5,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,11,3,0,0,1,1,23,9,21,22,4,15,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,3,2,88,28,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164771194995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410572405957474,0.0,0.15782882530010567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127431904151355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554516119173784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723706661615087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817835301270074,0.0,0.3006108808400141,0.0,0.109000055882646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218990359679452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270937325736299,0.0,0.0,0.3387124529375438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813058359072653,0.21621714362539007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830177015188576,0.24573427918362176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941041750061992,0.15283373253371788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034705651582096,0.0,0.20050308685995735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420403592488076,0.15415548751563132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260428936122263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962717078576964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,harelipsteve,2019/03/04,I really need help I can’t do anything properly ,-0.5609999999999999,1.2131589000000034,4.059999999999999,74.86000000000001,110.0,10.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,4.136000000000001,39,2,7,2,2,15,9,10,0.0,0.6679999999999999,0.332,0.4549,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696764594566713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640117361745064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133069415903122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44348373583304224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CharisBullDancer,2019/03/04,"When grief controls your life, how do you gain the control back? Hey everyone, you can call me Charis. 23 years old. 

Long story short - I've been taking care of my sick mom for 2 years, in September of 2017 - she passed away. 

The grief made my father physically sick,  I was away on a work trip and I returned back in 48 hours to my country, because my dad passed - 2018 May. 8 months after my mom.

 It's just me and my sister now. 

I couldn't cope. I took Xanax for 2 months, which was prescribed to my mom after surgery, never got the chance to take it really, so I had  shitload of supply. Took it like tic-tac. Sometimes with alcohol. It wasn't a conscious suicide attempt, I was literally trying to sleep after staying up for 48 hours. I woke up feeling like a zombie. than the supply ran out. I quit taking the Xanax, and discovered online gambling. It really made me focus on it, so while I played, I didn't feel pain. 

Me and my sister saved up about 4000 dollars for our ""savings"". I lost 3000 of it slowly. lost the last bits of money yesterday.

I can't look at myself in the mirror. I don't have any FIX for this pain anymore. I can't drink, I know I will get addicted and my sis will notice and I would never want her to know my suffering. she always says how me being so strong makes her strong too. I took 2 jobs to support my sister - she has half the salary I do, I pay the bills, I pay for the last year of my university as well. 

the grief is stronger than any other feeling I have, I stopped gambling and the painkillers and everything and I feel like shit + I have to save more than half of my salary to add up to the debt I have to the savings account. 

​

I just have 1 question. How do you cope? I can't cry any more. Haven't cried in a long time. I can't cry really.   ",1.80825757575758,3.59543007608696,3.156373517786567,92.29501646903825,78.40217391304347,5.982345191040844,21.74934123847167,6.850034144686104,0.39890833333333386,1380,39,304,14,33,449,184,368,0.1,0.745,0.155,0.9679,6,0,2,0,0,1,58.0,1,4,0,10,15,22,1,0,18,0,30,12,2,8,2,41,55,18,4,3,2,9,4,3,0,4,9,1,0,0,10,12,2,3,8,2,9,7,11,9,1,2,17,6,58,13,46,32,3,49,0,6,1,0,23,15,1,2,29,192,68,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465338063620893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279080874415599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224635894536999,0.09407615799183984,0.10550334396635068,0.17713439255752114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610826551528797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315215747708145,0.13352798599861582,0.0,0.05292844932327537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479172922875513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865926414041922,0.0,0.08852510374281322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947659461598644,0.0,0.0,0.28612353094147003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505662685822125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296616074691303,0.07803379542183278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560775448078253,0.12405731791781364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536310904754332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944284871211445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101264632615945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616161201248589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095434824299696,0.14154989295866188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061327917097085516,0.12725669556147226,0.0,0.0,0.15367692020581614,0.0729121453527292,0.0,0.1895621211305984,0.0,0.0,0.16431411109012098,0.057957166762473915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050694094620828,0.13860769861564964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339314455606202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885221108103744,0.09110949752140632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477840990389316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726522189943188,0.0923503577951764,0.0,0.0,0.16686927274486818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904768400869811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891258527958421,0.0,0.0,0.08688891090895122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587333793499062,0.0,0.0,0.09254518306705478,0.0,0.0725905960874144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497377696759454,0.09852934970129856,0.0,0.0,0.1958475039103418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062905899221165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28940132905370897,0.058949294493787524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121234592439836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806718665728576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321051210776782,0.0,0.0,0.06167884562041289,0.0,0.10550334396635068,0.1677396899835204
suicidewatch,svss117,2019/03/04,"My best friend's ex commited suicide. Two weeks ago my best friend (since when we were in kindergarten) told me that he and one girl that I know could be in a relationship, he looked so happy, so I thought was she, they got together a couple of times and everything was great, then suddenly he told me that she has blocked him from facebook, later that day she called him by phone (I don't know exact dialogues). Yesterday she called him again and was talking about some pills and alcohol I guess? It was her last phone call and probably a dialogue ever, best friend tried to contact her friends and family and was worried about her, yet it was too late as she hung herself. My best friend had cried whole day today as I hear from the voice (we usually speak on discord, cause we live far apart from each other) I feel like he feels guilty somehow (yet again I don't know any further details about their relationship or about her). As we've always spent very much time together either irl or in discord I feel really awkward, I don't know how to cheer him up etc... I feel him really much but I still feel like I am not making the situation any better, what should I do or how should I act?",6.452396830637177,6.168749201716738,6.289270386266098,81.89457906899969,65.56652360515022,10.087685704853088,30.79861340376361,9.661875296680813,2.5089058435127107,936,30,192,17,13,294,137,233,0.061,0.7909999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.9674,0,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,3,0,2,5,17,16,0,1,5,0,18,2,0,4,3,41,36,20,1,3,6,1,5,2,5,2,2,3,0,1,8,11,1,1,10,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,13,9,39,15,19,19,11,30,0,0,1,0,44,8,0,6,23,128,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548766955534652,0.10306434161392204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024526911105942,0.0,0.0,0.13116413714681066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048286137324869,0.08529277260162554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29542609263601033,0.0,0.0,0.09906978321982178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699897777488225,0.10670831220830787,0.10593410322941603,0.12439081173334102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755537362549628,0.0,0.0872349180237147,0.0,0.0,0.0866734739963477,0.0,0.0909144411872709,0.0,0.24381317830416305,0.13779258922984372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725440329456674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713136224561709,0.10632472955424448,0.10623882240726716,0.0,0.0,0.1026614868788382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869416229433113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120021900144925,0.07861094606648975,0.10878779325331454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942307952085285,0.0,0.08515771748080941,0.0,0.08098476948462738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437401845103392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178804503340434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534980294468395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397793610153133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356304080693395,0.0,0.0,0.20707955209887094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977563118729346,0.10840187588051438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701659362794709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548900183359036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751430064127697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765620756377856,0.11246912710831064,0.0,0.09141323235923453,0.18430387339745974,0.0,0.06547599172628239,0.0,0.09420723683109128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621432488875077,0.07957256797541305,0.0,0.0,0.07735783359859545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076710960181028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793884646986528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roachnectar,2019/03/04,"lost - advice needed recently remembered repressed childhood memories of sexual abuse, i can't even explain how i feel, disgusting, like it's my fault, i feel like im falling apart, actually really spiraling. how do i continue life? should i tell someone? i need advice, or help, not pity or attention. desperately. because i don't know what to do with anything right now. ",3.8186363636363647,6.983099878787883,5.50628787878788,70.27943181818182,80.51515151515152,9.966666666666667,32.49242424242424,9.827888789773867,4.64409696969697,296,16,45,11,8,100,51,66,0.266,0.602,0.131,-0.8712,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,16,12,4,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,2,8,2,3,10,0,7,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,6,25,10,0,0.0,0.25956771472153195,0.2137853205987724,0.0,0.0,0.4281545533795507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802798246314516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354591330225193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469678356565185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154151741585976,0.15650702065700542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684116402538094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366382863474029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039773444050478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473895049582473,0.21405768038261205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23914593113504884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32488225158633777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403448725951134,0.0,0.21630985236615946,0.0,0.2481689468051096,0.1870886101892192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562129567373115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148095761574832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cutebots,2019/03/04,"Dying would be easier than chasing my desires at this point. I wake up everyday hating myself. I feel like I'll never achieve anything and that no one truly cares about my existence. I have goals and things that I want to do- things that I'd kill for the ability to do them, but I know I won't. I'm too much of a fucking lazy and self judging cunt to get any of it done.

I'm seriously considering ending it tonight, but if I do decide to go, I'll be sure to let you and my friends know what's happening, not that I expect either to care.",5.463947368421053,4.356157324561405,6.725263157894738,80.68684210526318,67.85964912280701,10.056140350877193,31.280701754385966,9.2995712137729,2.4151333333333334,421,14,93,7,6,144,80,114,0.13699999999999998,0.6829999999999999,0.18,0.4872,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,2,2,10,4,0,2,0,10,2,1,0,2,19,23,7,2,5,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,1,14,5,13,17,2,8,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,1,5,63,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400543279424018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948083345449425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199632967393944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137455162226694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076025887044386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824122191890067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041354491362835,0.1471320507253339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591178970049014,0.1903991769285236,0.10760134707835094,0.0,0.11704718882910499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212255060966825,0.0,0.0,0.20333482449678286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22785522000707334,0.0,0.22637151351488224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059973164650025,0.0,0.10061767630611416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139831503784887,0.0,0.15884277181453474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955831116156056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946910782697596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485270756559527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941071917523504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736505302922189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147574370910952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630229308221307,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worthlessbitchh,2019/03/04,I feel like no matter what I do I’ll never be enough And I’m getting real fucking tired of trying ,-1.0642424242424229,1.0113113636363664,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,94.45454545454544,2.9333333333333336,16.424242424242426,3.1291,-0.8479575757575759,78,2,16,0,3,28,19,22,0.235,0.609,0.157,-0.4201,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39414907276741656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928771101106223,0.2725143549475902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526526588016532,0.19929656078326935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863615780498658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942046636727252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341838048170154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384309559469897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25898559203468474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itscurrently5am,2019/03/04,"im scared that death is starting to scare me less and less I was just laying in bed just listening to music silently letting any thoughts flow before I take a nap. so much stress, loneliness, stuff that's happened, and no hope for the future. it all makes me feel so dumb on top of all that because im so young and it's supposed to just be a phase...  but anyway, as I was thinking about it all suicide came to mind... 

 normally that thought immediately goes as im usually scared of death (well once last year I got pretty close to ending it, but i really wasn't thinking about it at all, i quickly realized i was too scared) but right now? the thought felt so calming, my anxiety washed away so easily.

 that scared me more than death ever had. i don't think i will ever be doing it- but what if like last time im just not thinking completely? ",2.8996050420168085,4.555665935294119,3.999831932773109,88.01352941176474,74.94117647058823,7.2100840336134455,25.672268907563023,7.957251820313856,1.3938151260504208,659,23,138,10,14,214,104,170,0.218,0.68,0.103,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,1,18,11,1,6,4,0,12,1,0,1,6,35,29,15,4,3,10,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,13,5,0,0,10,1,0,2,4,7,1,0,11,3,13,4,17,14,8,22,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,14,93,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293955095232044,0.0,0.08205256342926907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007730198364742,0.0,0.0,0.06538386934071036,0.0,0.09126919978592872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267530625862808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245863980794016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499931598925088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940431549788746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423318943304956,0.0,0.10298511154899137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578452996247032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484845812993052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653202760853776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634309328666606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486020891850973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967922293191996,0.0,0.05240115200618512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159597281624748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830064697901824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884743924757619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509069071603816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422694744980387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912059361149692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871262912874776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159828961640512,0.0,0.0,0.5369230333510848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591821505196783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228644058512699,0.0,0.1227854775180886,0.11732353967362917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064514623107058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749080137111472,0.0,0.2554541296946333,0.06254337356024076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813023484335455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643839555964813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907104536633886
suicidewatch,Anguished1,2019/03/04,"Catharsis. Hello everyone, I'm new to reddit and am looking for a place not to ask for pity or advice but instead to release the thoughts that are plaguing me. I often find expressing these thoughts out loud to someone helps greatly, but finding a way to do so without repercussions is.. difficult.

​

So Anyway,

​

I thinking this is it. The time to be done with it all. Even after months of progress I'm back in the hole and feel empty and unwilling to climb out. I'd seek help but I can't afford to be unwillingly hospitalized. I don't expect any sort of help to found here either, the last place I tried to anonymously dump my feelings I was of course just told to go ahead and do it. I expected no less of course, but it was indeed cathartic, so be able to say, with others reading, I actually want to die.

​

I'm not even sure if this is the correct place to post this but.. this is just as I said, my catharsis. Please forgive me.",3.385212765957444,5.3256368297872365,4.181861702127662,86.00875,74.31914893617022,6.827659574468084,28.77127659574468,7.6454224807358475,1.7696531914893618,756,32,147,10,16,242,113,188,0.09,0.79,0.12,0.7288,1,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,3,12,6,1,0,7,0,16,0,0,0,3,38,31,15,1,4,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,11,8,0,0,9,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,8,6,13,3,29,20,3,17,0,1,1,0,10,6,0,4,7,105,24,1,0.10944114288716912,0.0,0.10679876838322054,0.0,0.0,0.10694461820515297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35573829778266364,0.3989489026138156,0.07442373005997555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231269513117172,0.0,0.0,0.08415348348164042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358262778875515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199628632679788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456968542594856,0.0,0.0,0.10457570202583368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106734603643291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005444381079604,0.0,0.0,0.119996564339098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062197923574905764,0.0,0.0,0.12065924639427872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200682734709599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920913836780406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190299656905583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735487612313109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056989377713547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430281028716428,0.12013351033170992,0.0,0.0,0.10481436255981104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094707592147091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410358865524508,0.08703198946970918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927291252183661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314698198843178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012546532243077,0.0,0.17376808551624853,0.06381601051986582,0.0,0.0,0.10457570202583368,0.0,0.07430335211509488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455122159709034,0.08686928515794333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549735632693967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989489026138156,0.0
suicidewatch,MotherFNTeej,2019/03/04,"Cant see a light at the end My wife recently split up with me. I've had to move out so she can have our son full time(I work full time,her part time). She's already started seeing someone else(her colleague), I've barely seen my son due to work constraints and the fact that I do not wish to see her. She's made it very clear that she doesn't wish to reconcile. All of this happened very quickly. All I want is my old life back that I worked really hard to build from nothing. I have almost nothing left and I'm fairly sure that killing myself is the only option left at this point. At least it feels that way. All I can feel is this overwhelming void that I've never felt before and it just won't go.",2.381530612244898,3.8633483265306134,3.074574829931976,94.83798469387756,75.93877551020408,5.98843537414966,21.773809523809533,6.42735559955562,0.15435646258503422,552,14,125,4,12,173,95,147,0.075,0.877,0.048,-0.593,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,1,0,0,3,4,3,1,1,4,0,12,1,0,1,7,24,27,4,1,3,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,4,9,16,1,13,22,7,22,0,1,4,0,9,10,0,2,9,73,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406404882785892,0.0,0.1549901790790732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799745828009022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951269139906355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439710177776635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203158234106247,0.0,0.13485412257498847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982102913012039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419956056092248,0.0,0.12581570337608525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538722745566744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051988915975595,0.0,0.09920406001129957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289728160409314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927623020444108,0.0,0.0,0.10832377644395233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695313199350985,0.0,0.14737875485652968,0.0,0.0,0.1068186308120223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520937727310357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132770743026002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997593119632473,0.0,0.13867753081178386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357616393272289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900291488592506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994113044527034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237255812996954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456927502671216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177208506732905,0.08284110856660558,0.11148275284068332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32302136968691625,0.0,0.0,0.30674803906467485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeaderOfTheBeavers,2019/03/04,"Apart of me wishes I didn’t have any friends or family, so that I wouldn’t have to devastate them with my suicide. I feel so stuck. Like there’s nothing I can do. If I kill myself it will ruin my brothers life, and I think it would possibly drive *him* to suicide. We’ve talked about it before, and I think as soon as one of us dies, the other will shortly after. 

 My mother would never *ever* get over it. 

It’s so fucking stupid. If I kill myself I very well could be wiping out my entire family in one moment. But what am I supposed to do? Just keep on living? Is that my only option here?

I have a progressive terminal disease, and life is *literally* going to keep getting worse and worse, until I eventually end up in the hospital on life support. I want to end it on my own terms, I don’t want to die a slow painful death surrounded by people in a hospital bed, barely even able to breathe. 

But I have to just keep going. I’m on antidepressants, and we’ve upped the dosage but after about a month they seem to stop just working. It’s as if there’s just nothing I can do but just keep wasting away. 

I feel so stuck. ",1.3451304347826074,3.4305143826086986,3.290869565217392,89.27978260869568,81.26086956521739,6.086956521739131,21.30434782608696,7.255503002510835,0.6709565217391305,868,26,183,12,23,292,124,230,0.18,0.7709999999999999,0.049,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,5,32.0,1,0,2,2,18,10,4,0,7,0,21,6,1,0,2,40,42,21,7,10,13,2,2,1,1,5,4,0,1,0,11,7,0,5,5,0,0,3,4,6,1,2,3,2,30,4,33,32,2,31,0,1,0,1,8,15,1,6,14,135,41,1,0.11446576108316668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784064273475359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754435052007506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974019318801045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139159606115826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375947763825878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276537816360085,0.0,0.0,0.07560355564312783,0.1035408341882209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21581626471470905,0.0,0.11575465622989073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843596306825734,0.10582175164468666,0.11960727153178327,0.0,0.13010705977612588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40696971133899024,0.2532788102501692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425516566232925,0.055922188976311606,0.0,0.10107536414639463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136547842952253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828305153767281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196659698358933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512992421426938,0.08705636932848916,0.1217996402287102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935614615164238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290429468246293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420532985678517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569850170302184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504139281603604,0.1298943891965388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920032428726824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669007555447106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768821678561907,0.0,0.0,0.09444624071789022,0.13502974318491634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291846599903698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162997618807534,0.0,0.0,0.08333243734918015,0.0,0.2333007792545981,0.16262638498070908,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dmazing88,2019/03/04,"No where else to go Hi, I don't feel comfortable stating my name, but I am 24 and a Christian. I was raised as one and was always told that without God and believing he died for me then I'm not living right.

I've been having these constant lows lately.. more than usual.. I always pray to God for help and strength but I never hear anything back.. It makes me so much more angry at myself and upset with him because I feel that he won't help me for one reason or another. I like to believe he is but at the same time, I feel like I’d be better off just giving up.

I'm not where I should be in life financially far from it.. I feel like most things are against me and my family is very dysfunctional. The only reasons keeping me going are my 3 youngest sisters and my loving boyfriend. But even with the good times whenever I'm alone I can't stop my thought process. I don't have the extra money to see a doctor so I rely on praying. 

But I feel like if things don't turn around I'm going to slowly end up losing everything including myself. 

I've attempted twice in the past. 

The first time at 12 I couldn't handle being raped by my uncle constantly. The second time was at 22 when my mother told me the truth on how I was conceived. She was raped and couldn't afford an abortion. She tried throwing herself down the stairs a few times and after she said that she looked at me and said as you see that didn't work. I looked back on how I was treated growing up and that really messed me up.",3.106129168425497,4.2413914012945035,4.2754551850288465,88.33850147741663,73.49838187702265,6.927311101730689,24.11439425918109,7.255503002510835,0.8728490502321655,1169,33,249,12,23,383,170,309,0.097,0.713,0.189,0.9876,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,6,12,17,2,1,13,0,26,5,0,5,2,46,53,26,1,4,11,2,5,4,0,2,2,3,0,0,10,14,0,2,8,0,1,5,13,6,0,5,13,12,42,11,35,33,7,48,3,2,4,3,23,23,0,3,23,172,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071374194895145,0.0,0.0,0.1721484058617843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108470693888139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512610060696169,0.09208763511129343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908504084598918,0.0,0.06305887458375517,0.0,0.0,0.2330933053056421,0.0,0.09148835188389873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235737497299504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735917417554697,0.0,0.0,0.10587994244073663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641469857104224,0.0,0.09162122115001177,0.0,0.0,0.06832418980046276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929693460079486,0.0,0.09751837269398997,0.0,0.2615235168260656,0.22170255179768647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798993307141248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923349662018596,0.17636986853803233,0.0867644316127822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658959445668013,0.0,0.13867348415300373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194632304007316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669002667222918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306598780341393,0.2021512465212826,0.0,0.0913434864980042,0.0,0.17373483970211107,0.1157280593385815,0.0,0.0,0.09336279996203577,0.0,0.06905008094573932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604369140122755,0.0,0.0797828609793999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019349084292146,0.07867428787893975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874958597621476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626926650625649,0.21271657708259512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834113238096443,0.19679902682872144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486392352049056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648432654200845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744800575965138,0.0,0.0,0.08212346607170679,0.3015969220809441,0.0,0.0,0.1976915172133935,0.0,0.07023210042637539,0.1125180316438078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392962421235175,0.08535263747659312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971691334724483,0.0,0.07530890865578081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Last_Legs,2019/03/04,My mantra I am a pest.  I am a failure in every way.  I do not deserve to live.  ,-4.381228070175439,-3.1423926315789465,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,106.89473684210527,2.533333333333333,16.859649122807017,3.1291,-1.2044877192982462,56,2,16,0,3,22,15,19,0.202,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787094762815272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.606510280631196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451977820485225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrozenAF,2019/03/04,"I just ended a 2+ year relationship that was holding me up and now I’m feeling everything I’ve been avoiding since the relationship started She’ll probably see this eventually but I hope not. I would make a throwaway but I don’t have the energy for it. At first I felt fine and content with my decision but now I’m being hit with a bunch of different emotions that I’ve tried to suppress and I realize now that suicidal 18 year old was still inside me all along and he never left. 

It’s like she always said though when she’d get upset about something and i guess there was always truth in her words. “It was always inevitable”. No point in fighting it anymore. I had a good past 2 years of happiness. I’m thankful for that, but I think it’s time I let go. ",1.9993118279569904,4.134558909677423,3.741935483870968,86.63956989247312,79.25806451612901,6.972043010752689,25.17204301075269,8.021203637495839,1.5556365591397845,601,23,123,11,15,201,102,155,0.124,0.711,0.165,0.7674,1,1,1,0,2,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,1,2,6,0,13,0,0,1,3,30,29,11,1,2,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,3,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,8,4,17,7,13,15,2,22,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,2,16,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838309574406893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249219697139346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065025961486173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296338039413106,0.13618893093954187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819283004578528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774750811010467,0.0,0.14763719189445082,0.0,0.0,0.13079125957966958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033514690740827,0.0,0.08738741070628438,0.1289696321071167,0.0,0.0,0.16938796672451933,0.0,0.0,0.1636842364146235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272197278210026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670646268144555,0.15723372280983566,0.0,0.07512113953041796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263841266525033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859198565245455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134905701395505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678477732580772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535632498145265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578319282316906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301691743700326,0.0,0.0,0.14626441744245594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252970006802355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719485828992438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837474956384247,0.0,0.0,0.108834684114311,0.0,0.12279582833359938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819244723827698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156488570362966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852552122130624,0.1510719793659602,0.0,0.08966080538396058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439540703180616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092292664244442,0.0,0.0,0.2970561965430146
suicidewatch,thatotherguyyoukknow,2019/03/04,"I'm getting closer and closer. I am replaying my entire life in my head and I missed out on so much. 28 (M). I'm a loser, I'm a failure. I have never been this low. I cant stop replaying my entire life in my head.
All the fruends I've had and lost. All the relationships I ruined. All the opportunities I had but didn't take.
I have fucking ruined my mind.
Its getting darker and darker. Bleaker and bleaker.",-0.9395798319327716,1.1160330000000016,2.464915966386556,88.20426470588238,101.35294117647058,4.310924369747899,19.01260504201681,6.18269132825596,0.2670840336134459,315,11,64,4,14,113,48,85,0.194,0.765,0.041,-0.8819,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,1,8,1,0,5,0,8,5,2,0,4,13,17,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,12,1,4,12,4,9,0,6,0,1,1,7,1,0,2,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247800559939766,0.28008182058789144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5501769554962652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786520596595928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925995655694354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706460645459119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704175115420736,0.0,0.2067305564708536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877768542769417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240951594434901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153426651640755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nat-urall,2019/03/04,"It seems that death is everywhere recently and yet I can’t help but feel like those are the lucky people. I’m not sure why but every day there seems to be another person that died which obviously isn’t a shocker. It’s just for some reason it feels like every single day I read about another persons death. Whether its a celebrity, a shooting, or just a friend of a friend there always seems to be another soul leaving. And to me I think it’s unfair... these people don’t want to die and yet here I am been fully ready to die for the past 6 years still trudging along. 

I guess staying in my house all day doesn’t really lend itself to random acts of dying but I feel like everyone else has much easier time with dying. The only difference is these people have goals to achieve, hoards of people that love them and most of a will to live. 

I’m not sure what I’m looking for for posting this. I’m too scared of being in physical pain to anything and obviously I’ve been feeling this way for almost 1/3 of my life. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot and not telling anybody so I guess that’s why I am here. ",4.853178099433606,5.0649561585903085,5.5485494021397095,84.16164096916299,68.91189427312776,8.600251730648209,27.668030207677788,8.418075326091056,1.70831932032725,876,26,183,12,14,285,127,227,0.151,0.691,0.158,-0.0507,0,0,0,1,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,14,11,0,1,10,0,18,3,0,1,5,43,36,12,7,1,11,0,4,3,2,1,2,0,0,2,18,8,0,0,10,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,5,12,9,26,29,6,16,1,0,1,1,8,2,0,12,13,116,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444046419561246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847565398235687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966850119178973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761124923181424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247151031408554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489408040827064,0.09853661312084072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878609099053198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589248978444138,0.09011974884357273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190749175161522,0.20213086092530685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457313905056451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779196478703646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321576028799468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882409932189216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986344553313156,0.0,0.0,0.06661579174126647,0.13822914474308226,0.0,0.08327977019682369,0.0,0.07919884646558757,0.0,0.0,0.08018121576512366,0.08512082058462091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933062649136759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172899640851797,0.10035527582776067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003206624163984,0.2615379789537,0.16470028167806253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032541829607707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433814103115183,0.0,0.060419078549992615,0.0969690797650937,0.0931223330043006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442338428516683,0.0,0.0,0.25757599778284346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052470283790677,0.0753181791200896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777705395606475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243338573821557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086343576895052,0.0,0.0,0.05499444640427461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562802606324853,0.07486096683071387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020493796941494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060734234280273774
suicidewatch,weightedconscience,2019/03/04,"The concequences of my narcissistic, erratic, perfectionist and self hating personality have me considering permanently removing myself. I've struggled for a large part of my life with deep depression and social anxiety. Consequently I have almost no support network and my attitude is now bitter and stuck up. I feel as though my life is at an end because I'm stuck with a disordered personality.

The one persons support I do have, I am highly judgemental of and try to push this person away or see them as flawed or weird for being their goofy happy self. The guilt over who I am is substantial.

This person is actually wonderful when i take a step back and see past my attempts to bring them down. I'm highly jealous of their achievements, personality, life circumstances and happy nature.

I hate the judgement I cast on people and blame myself constantly.  I have no idea why that translates into nastiness within me when I know I should be greatful I have such a person in my life.

I haven't managed to keep a job for a long time (I've started at an estimated 18 jobs within 3 years.) Longest I've stuck to is 3 months. I have a large amount of anxiety around authority figures and people who I perceive as better than me by my own internal harsh critic ""scoreboard"". I swing between trying to impress people and thinking im better than everyone else. Criticism of others that might paint me as failable in some way sends me into a defensive aggressiveness. It's pathetic. I can't bond with people.

I try to put on a mask to socialise with others and hide these flaws but it doesn't work. I do actually want to have friends and socialise and smile but I'm not a good friend and I don't see myself as being able to socialise well or socialise ""normally"".

I am really stuck up and critical towards others. I guess it's to prop up my shit self esteem. I'm not proud of this.

Also I'm always shutting people out before I let them in because I'm scared of judgement or failing in some way socially. I can't just be myself or relax or be vulnerable to where I'm genuine enough to form real bonds. 

I guess some people don't realise they are an asshole or don't care that they are but I feel like i realise and don't actually like the fact that I am but I can't seem to ""naturally"" be good to others. It's like I have to hide my self to make myself likable in some way. I just mimick people who seem nice. Essentially my social attempts feel like a rehursed show. 

It fucking sucks and I feel like if I'm stuck being who I am... This person who I don't like then what's the point in living? 

Essentially I have destroyed my prospects in life and self esteem to such a point I'm not sure it's redemable and feel a repeating urge to gas myself in my car because I can't consider myself a well providing member of society. I feel like if I don't have anything but nastiness and judgement to add then I'm doing the world a favour.

If you got this far through my disorganised rant then thanks! Roast away.",4.0976818988464965,5.773939467687075,5.489775214433603,78.4708562555457,71.84013605442178,8.310322389825497,28.598935226264416,8.903607488879933,2.396690949423248,2389,93,443,47,46,802,251,588,0.16,0.7140000000000001,0.127,-0.903,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,7,8,15,44,10,3,25,0,47,7,1,1,2,80,93,47,0,6,20,0,6,7,2,2,5,0,0,13,26,29,0,2,14,2,0,7,17,16,2,1,6,10,71,28,71,77,9,61,0,2,3,1,32,35,3,21,23,305,97,6,0.0607308184911427,0.0,0.17779355496440194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060813142170323825,0.0,0.0,0.04856641360592644,0.05053290602906548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929178198363282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997628901711845,0.0540633041383382,0.0,0.0,0.1141172062174493,0.04669825072998264,0.0,0.11106282980736856,0.0,0.05167745349982368,0.0,0.0,0.10742294743559844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061919116948599376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562843977039362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230736497668114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960277946221619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050732806040928814,0.0,0.053789479321220635,0.06275116987243533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058030899630337425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424395951627298,0.1735444354586546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384095943389596,0.05614466309168977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187625839240654,0.0485719834132178,0.0669559417851082,0.13380368684202248,0.0,0.0,0.12929817113760508,0.0,0.11991822023963275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833088817840307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855770189586691,0.06559970543121013,0.0,0.1205319328668751,0.05398034188748261,0.0,0.0,0.03337606959461848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210137654603315,0.2144798656198541,0.2076900719784796,0.0,0.05362642536785226,0.053744863277254334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405382929253719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442580120743703,0.0,0.0,0.0484747599138249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950330774763405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115277433553444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576555825084894,0.057974438085144665,0.2947217197300848,0.4242224656767716,0.0,0.0,0.11482050681886022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105124654821981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912496711113708,0.038905717426909514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080214388657931,0.0,0.14518379847559346,0.11057411252861953,0.3167774429281308,0.0,0.06233931245584583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572226431822186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298558590783814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348903756132132,0.0,0.0,0.13783322626197855,0.0572380777081873,0.0,0.045662017461723735,0.0,0.0,0.055912778223853835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891385628615145,0.05966772082034029,0.0,0.03541262864649049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369671783958508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03582061022732643,0.1446158907940523,0.0,0.0,0.1092085986032644,0.0,0.05480011761370638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585998205037162,0.044212759162109205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039108655970198365
suicidewatch,tinnytipmicah,2019/03/04,Do magic shrooms numb you? I plan on buying some and slit my wrists on Wednesday. ,1.41,4.020190000000003,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,86.5,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.5730249999999999,64,2,13,0,2,19,15,16,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,haggis-with-wings,2019/03/04,"I’m done Nothing particularly bad has happened today, just a normal day of the same old shit. Yet, I feel so close to finally going through with it, I just stared into my medicine cupboard and thought about just taking all of them, I have multiple high dose prescription drugs that would probably do the trick. I just want to finally be done. However, I’m writing this instead because I’m still to scared of the consequences, what it would do to my lovely girlfriend who doesn’t deserve to go through another death in her life. My friends who already have a lot to worry and be sad about, don’t need the added load that my suicide would put on them. I’m honestly just writing this now because as long as I’m typing and thinking about the negatives, I’m not going through with it",8.788363292336804,7.086853039735099,8.217559129612113,74.56781456953644,61.64900662251657,11.54247871333964,41.438978240302745,10.290406445055957,4.162802459791863,623,30,118,11,7,197,92,151,0.13699999999999998,0.775,0.08800000000000001,-0.8331,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,0,13,8,2,1,7,0,14,5,1,0,1,27,31,6,2,6,6,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,3,2,11,3,22,23,3,18,0,1,1,1,10,5,1,1,9,82,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079023293762532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228764401624188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922473694016792,0.1886901581189632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981249581004514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167626044349082,0.0,0.0,0.1794816355267233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825530358331212,0.0,0.0,0.3390813522909881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957330034041415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638745030063958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136860748242175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635207901504639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931714911461557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369647266433287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157813922006456,0.13968407780468026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147584413218378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163968764765107,0.1485039800238431,0.0,0.16240288269595568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686597935737235,0.0,0.0,0.15558449282073555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549496734933198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886703154497586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359784973945917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929096943418234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163662042894194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991690249796612,0.0,0.12286842970663815,0.0,0.0,0.1467018784538277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128612092049647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717432126530465,0.0,0.3298280399722456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chicken-nugs,2019/03/04,"I feel like I’ve already died. All of my emotions are numb. I’m rarely happy, I don’t even get sad anymore. I don’t feel anything, except regret that I’m not different than who I am now. ",-0.6726829268292676,1.3855861219512209,1.9982439024390253,95.34126829268291,90.21951219512195,4.255609756097561,20.39512195121951,5.6839178017228535,-0.0822526829268293,145,5,33,1,5,50,31,41,0.343,0.599,0.058,-0.9081,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,5,2,3,9,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502527968122683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147701236508902,0.0,0.0,0.2611886845818083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294054500413371,0.3316097681575395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357026167338581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096361178517468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209684590741011,0.2267467418319732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582556109609348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378724181250923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506295304553352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,intoxicatedbarbie,2019/03/04,"I’m tired. They took my whole tax refund without notice to cover student loan debt. Student loans I took out without understanding. College, I have no degree whatsoever to show for. Money I never should have borrowed, loans not explained to me. I knew I had to pay them back. I didn’t know this could happen. 

I was a young, scared single mom. I thought I could make my sons life better that way. 

I was so close to finally paying off these lawyers, this debt, all the money I owe friends. 

I have been suicidal since I was 13. I’ve tried three times. Im a bad cutter, and I haven’t in a year. 
But I don’t even want to cut. I want it all to stop. I’ve had clinical depression since I was 15. I have anxiety disorder. I am just like everyone else on this sub in that way.

I just wasn’t made right.

I work full time and still make poverty wages. I do my best for my kid. I try so hard. Life shits on me, I get back up and try again.
But this money.
This money was really going to be a way to set myself on a new path.


Because I am a worthless piece of oxygen wasting flesh, and I can’t fill out paperwork right.

They took it all.
I’m so ready for the big sleep. 
Every second in this life is pain and my family would be so much better without me. 

My fiancé wants me to be strong and says we’ll find a way. I think I know my way. I think I’ve known it for a long, long time. 


I’m just so tired.

I guess in the scheme of things, it’s a first world problem more than anything else. But I can’t keep going. That was my way out.

I call this place the darkness. People try to keep me out. 

I’m not even sad anymore.
I’m indifferent. 


Thanks for your time if you read this, I really don’t deserve it. ",-0.2537023809523831,1.8331456694444483,1.8800793650793644,96.85000000000002,88.13888888888891,4.984126984126983,17.182539682539684,6.42735559955562,-0.3519960317460318,1291,31,306,14,42,431,178,360,0.172,0.743,0.084,-0.9807,6,0,0,0,1,0,52.0,1,2,3,6,14,16,2,1,13,0,32,10,3,3,4,52,63,15,1,9,12,2,1,1,1,3,7,1,0,1,18,11,0,3,10,2,16,6,14,9,0,3,17,2,53,7,35,38,10,50,0,3,0,0,13,20,1,2,18,191,71,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465403343323617,0.0,0.08381654578393488,0.0,0.0,0.06954895555391744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299742189082017,0.07056681106644076,0.051519790457158314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869367583865463,0.14949396891214034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862996511139349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495730574392714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727929718963253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686194614387364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412035083780422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164322119322337,0.0,0.0712078517353716,0.08075806624540949,0.0,0.0,0.07967357743190226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258246636768236,0.07724552507412162,0.07188873801034144,0.0,0.0,0.06529637199122022,0.0,0.04415579716572031,0.0,0.09606407482970207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931032180674574,0.0,0.07473667033339698,0.0,0.07570917886920023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912911119875777,0.0,0.0,0.1502423038025828,0.0,0.0,0.09289488381202006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908713433399506,0.04128994503222876,0.0,0.0,0.14958690134198574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997049489219192,0.1128293432084421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098983390163696,0.0,0.0,0.06212852786290165,0.0,0.06518347031823128,0.08162547946845042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622131889819496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993032179264276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585923221631897,0.0,0.08830058263726147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086980343536147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453824983563404,0.0,0.1082854315649792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443513433773793,0.0,0.06721002139988765,0.08461463797966524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867538217927366,0.13982398935912105,0.0,0.08457641476965237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749409066176751,0.07065864100309471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924461069775502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781040577572416,0.0,0.0,0.05614826225677492,0.10830808427372607,0.0,0.06709577028702385,0.19712638807083305,0.19427599037216614,0.0,0.0,0.28169908662549004,0.2295215778091348,0.0,0.0,0.0879834898985028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954808035633754,0.4025062428216941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435840218283377,0.0,0.2444094275990201,0.0,0.06152820232067095,0.0,0.0,0.060037300216269476,0.0,0.0,0.05442513298482606
suicidewatch,plsdonteatmycereal,2019/03/04,"What can I do when someone on social media is suicidal? There’s a guy I used to go to school with. I had him in my 7th period when I was a freshman, I believe he was a junior. He was pretty popular, sat next to the cute girls in class and was always making them laugh. 

Fast forward to about 3 years later, he’s 22-23, and is very open about his depression and suicidal tendencies. I messaged the guy one time to let him know I’m here for him in case he needs a friend. He never replied. It was okay though, for a while he seemed to be doing alright. Today though, this guy just posted two pictures of his arm and wrist bloodied up and covered in cuts. I’m legitimately worried for this dude right now. Trying to talk to him about this didn’t help, so I need another plan. Would calling suicide prevention be any good?",2.205622489959836,4.124110084337353,3.6537108433734957,88.5782369477912,77.67469879518072,6.595341365461848,23.717269076305215,7.554174236665415,1.0452864257028107,638,21,133,9,15,210,111,166,0.12,0.736,0.14300000000000002,0.264,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,1,12,9,1,0,7,2,16,2,2,2,1,17,26,11,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,8,0,15,7,22,14,0,23,0,1,0,0,23,9,0,1,13,83,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769701128694365,0.0,0.0,0.09619026206295554,0.14832175086309082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936473676959795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443538144417142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182993241096556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928325055475868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038880292106433,0.11864082313993532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201706457293749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481037333950199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773674519197793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446413236568887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441839575279144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976548210251625,0.1090942927085408,0.0,0.15043275941111406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584959437465417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546917084732274,0.1439046218260443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207967881304897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315407587982187,0.0,0.12876997973201051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418957967128504,0.11984939277345034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641671855672809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369145643775475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779461132442482,0.0,0.08248012792118092,0.0,0.13407724043981065,0.0,0.0,0.09603467746573983,0.0,0.1381752511948718,0.0,0.0,0.1221666368468228,0.0,0.1167103498422006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364846234661455,0.0,0.10048140688502644,0.0,0.0,0.09108860512581836
suicidewatch,sp46,2019/03/04,"Everyone is better than me. No matter where I look, everyone has something I don't. I literally have nothing compared to them. I try my best, yet fail. This is just shit of a life.",0.3558333333333329,2.7926095833333378,2.951333333333338,86.72700000000002,92.05555555555556,6.213333333333335,23.86666666666667,7.554174236665415,1.5596733333333344,139,6,28,3,5,48,31,36,0.224,0.578,0.198,-0.2732,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,3,4,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,3,6,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357823833921725,0.28298207684722376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.611478455608406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259999721247889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686890994714453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070140011666438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284383556606325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463238499782309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723449194078495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Metal_Militia_,2019/03/04,"Wish it was over already! Being absolutely alone in the hardest time in your life really really sucks!

Don't know how I'm going to make it I really don't. I've lost eberyone and the only thing keeping me going I have to stop or I'll lose everything I have and there's a few things like my car that actually make me kinda happy. Just trying to make it through the week is really testing my strength and there's not much left.",1.603093434343435,3.8240138295454535,3.777878787878791,85.39237373737376,81.1590909090909,7.092929292929293,21.141414141414145,8.167268648758528,1.2089353535353538,339,10,69,7,9,116,61,88,0.11,0.73,0.16,0.6824,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,4,6,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,4,0,15,18,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,0,8,3,7,15,2,10,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,2,4,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.18166484491294252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280512761596907,0.20543166764169127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730817959629898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115974989448952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817027854533129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546714147147654,0.0,0.0,0.10230840776974064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022628712213284,0.0,0.13148997959767733,0.0909481418093089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826489340362925,0.2032151149084057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37278879028645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368486724326786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158270926134292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770342405719761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563770058270834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24735223619646401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108551117485317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639009927591288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932594391497225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407426926331705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway812817,2019/03/04,"This is it Every day I go up to the roof of my apartment building and I stand there and think, and I have decided that tonight, I am going to kill myself. ",-0.3204545454545453,1.815958090909092,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,89.30303030303033,4.512121212121213,20.37121212121212,5.985473137389443,-0.012569696969696677,119,4,27,1,4,40,27,33,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32036908214060233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185416964330369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5646402730265415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5495913012620978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31830372792176104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cloverse8,2019/03/04,"I'm Somebody Who Doesn't Matter I wake up. I always forget breakfast. I go to my classes. I fail that one test. I go home at around 1 p.m. I play multiplayer games where people tell me I don't deserve life. I agree. I get a message from a friend with benefits telling me to drive to their house. I say I can't because my gas is low. He calls me lazy and he proceeds to mentally drain me further. I go into the medicine cabinet searching for something to end it. I find some pills, turns out they're a generic brand of Tylenol. Happier than I've ever been, I read the label. I'll need to take 6+ to end it all. There are only 2. I go in the closet, my mom found my makeshift noose. She didn't say a word, but she undid it. It didn't work anyways, it was a sweater tied up. My parents are gone all day and come home late at night. By then I'm starving and they bring dinner.

This is me every single day. This is my life. And I know that it sounds bad, but it could be solved. I could eat breakfast, I could do more work, I could stop playing games, I could leaving that friends with benefits. But I don't. I don't. I don't because if I ate breakfast I would be late to class. I don't because work stresses me out. I don't because games are the only thing that keep me going. I don't because my friends with benefits is the only ""friend"" I have to talk to.

​

Nothing happened. Nothing. I am just a person who has always been depressed. I tried to hang myself when I was about 4 or 6 years old with a belt. I tried to starve myself to death at that age too, but my parents realized I stopped eating. I wasn't hurt, but I've just wanted to end it all from the very beginning. I plan to get Tylenol when I get money, and that's it.

(Also, I don't feel like talking. May reply, this is my first post on Reddit ever.)",0.2683722943722948,2.337496750649354,2.1143506493506514,96.2305735930736,85.38961038961041,4.6017316017316015,21.634199134199136,5.773587663045528,0.017614718614718416,1399,48,319,9,42,461,192,385,0.11,0.8,0.09,-0.8003,2,0,1,0,0,1,63.0,0,0,2,6,13,16,0,1,13,0,38,13,1,0,5,49,62,16,1,9,9,3,1,1,4,2,5,3,3,1,21,14,7,3,5,6,1,10,13,6,0,2,10,4,60,10,37,43,6,46,0,4,0,0,27,14,0,4,22,201,81,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756632072508922,0.140604268770383,0.0915444708651118,0.10266413939584157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521367701779925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054530579675425,0.2575204488809168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627335125366051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278032870898056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372904435998769,0.0,0.0,0.10897763394197607,0.0,0.07277078820305287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290795370060938,0.0,0.0,0.22449818351481016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285140165700134,0.07118615110823225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272049185179344,0.06035940331830032,0.0,0.0,0.07722198446312208,0.07186682988278159,0.0,0.09263851030258184,0.26110589156152925,0.0,0.13242702199575138,0.0,0.24008699814148435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471389429708895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949996080441682,0.0,0.0,0.09748968076895684,0.09044788852571464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509825869404023,0.0,0.0,0.046433287025700966,0.0,0.19061594896461995,0.0894623110706011,0.0,0.0,0.11935503829565647,0.04127736190157797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514566748147674,0.0,0.0,0.09895322492783247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264798464674985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928778739314007,0.0,0.16214014330193896,0.0,0.08865764630935309,0.0,0.05725235493078777,0.1927744958695189,0.0,0.0,0.18763145460781205,0.0,0.0,0.05857446612476831,0.07377307960003253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091770343037966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451248676324824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437907822694006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504423932196703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412742154963815,0.0967825773094952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352568138564323,0.135819116586554,0.14769530849140197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056131151046788064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147258154988327,0.09190044766062196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971278717303586,0.049834168502255034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452835471406928,0.0,0.0,0.0600190038200899,0.0,0.10266413939584157,0.0544085468993154
suicidewatch,_playeruno,2019/03/04,"Almost there but backed out.. twice The only thing that keeps me from hurting myself or ending it for good is the thought of who would find me. I don’t want my parents or siblings being the ones to live with that. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I’ve come so close to going through with it but can’t because I heard my parents come home. I’m so weak but I hurt myself in other ways to make me numb. I’m not even sad anymore. I don’t cry anymore. I just sit and do nothing all the time. Maybe I could just get someone to do it for me, I read that’s a real thing. Just something that my parents wouldn’t be the ones to find me.. ",0.22248447204969324,2.075319695652176,1.849937888198756,99.35608695652176,83.92753623188406,3.942857142857144,20.002070393374744,3.1291,-0.6834799171842647,490,14,117,0,14,159,78,138,0.156,0.773,0.071,-0.9334,3,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,1,1,30,25,8,0,5,10,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,11,7,0,1,3,1,0,3,6,5,0,3,2,1,18,1,15,17,1,11,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,84,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702159483478266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407113946393847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521851959393172,0.0,0.08341402052233758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574437909436466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925249667236568,0.0,0.15030803778199264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119617534781575,0.0,0.0,0.09037895788352812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25013144489201883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149121800144694,0.0,0.07776711277550219,0.11477163407895667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372577718635179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929717644743181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216262187938562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082878908989016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913391637116334,0.0,0.13747026111204982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129793478203405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854473743697633,0.10407002514765423,0.0,0.0,0.4558209087852719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687313640330034,0.155749446557819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594078908029312,0.1053431200753171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818156579683631,0.0,0.0,0.1086325839065254,0.07979023417082871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161418961959132,0.1086141322301413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972044441157044,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dontcare5478900,2019/03/04,"The lowest low I’m a teacher. I hate my job. I hate that I spent so much money on college to get a degree to do something that makes me miserable. The kids are mean. I’m becoming the bitch they already think I am because I can barely get up in the morning to come teach them. At home I do nothing but watch TV. My boyfriend is boring, but I love him. I’m starting to ruin our relationship with my misery. We never have sex anymore because I can’t muster the energy. He does nothing but try to support me. I don’t know why. If I were him I’d have left by now. We have two cats. If it wasn’t for them I’d already be dead. I don’t feel like I have much to live for. If I can make it til summer I’ll probably just run my car in my garage and go to sleep forever. I’d rather not scar the children by doing it in the middle of the school year, but I don’t know how much longer I can last.

I just needed to rant for a while. Please don’t tell me to think of my family or my students because, believe me, I already am.",0.5771973094170413,2.0591891748878943,2.939665919282512,93.84600112107624,81.01793721973094,5.715605381165919,21.912331838565024,6.508806274219699,0.26510959641255605,778,24,186,7,20,268,125,223,0.14800000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.081,-0.9217,2,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,3,0,3,0,6,10,3,1,11,0,22,3,1,3,1,28,44,13,1,5,12,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,6,1,2,4,8,7,0,1,3,2,36,3,24,40,3,21,0,3,1,2,14,9,1,4,9,120,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318513759740011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293674285652243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385561018766976,0.144067412334805,0.0,0.14696802698091538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123677206060619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415421641343478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229729254594629,0.0,0.06595744176631528,0.09319068336637604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630535312925618,0.0,0.07413549569468082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257576933830837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308480229222912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944757533306542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337947398364065,0.10633094021905287,0.0,0.0,0.14173001376096206,0.0,0.0,0.06372935038612282,0.0,0.11518625102138112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773265204543087,0.0,0.1741475010817853,0.0,0.0,0.1420939887727313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876785656695605,0.09672409235011062,0.10060803462081452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503330040515603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319058942952612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406429035768265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005023839930308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320183656234501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054025543143927,0.0,0.0,0.10042374142592674,0.0,0.0,0.09233038478170874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148028630385055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401559634162613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716912185139401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856430446902286,0.0,0.12742683517911546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770726950667895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400297862092088
suicidewatch,uglychick123,2019/03/04,"I hate the way i look I’m tired of not ever being pretty or being that ugly girl in the group of friends that no guys ever notice until they accidentally trip over me. Why must I have the worst genetics ?!

It’s not fair, many girls get to be pretty and I can’t cauwe of my features. I hate my small eyes and my big nose and my fat lips. I hate my moon face. I hate it ALL!!",0.06512195121950981,1.7486995975609787,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,83.51219512195122,5.0756097560975615,15.128048780487804,5.985473137389443,-0.8480292682926827,285,4,70,2,8,98,56,82,0.375,0.595,0.031,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,3,0,6,6,5,0,4,10,13,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,3,14,1,7,9,2,9,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,1,3,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32675650632065284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395441062062327,0.0,0.0943648331662691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788390472000168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7132868616062903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167263832807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831171053859832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563344538405467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675044753834303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759246346381866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336522378439456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629785858655432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poppybasket,2019/03/04,"well heck im not cut out for life i don’t want to be alive yadda yadda yadda you know the drill if you’re in this thread you’ve likely been here before anyways

i just took maybe ~500 mg propranolol and ~32 ondansetron w 40 mg fluoxetine and unfortunately i don’t think this will cut it. my feet are very cold and i am very dizzy however. i’m probably going to update this thread as i go along. ",0.5385542168674746,2.8787190602409685,2.574710843373495,91.38640361445783,87.31325301204821,5.729638554216868,16.73373493975904,7.1686216300943375,0.053844337349397975,314,7,69,5,10,105,62,83,0.059,0.818,0.123,0.4651,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,11,14,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,2,1,7,2,7,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464782436510417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32923946128393977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128811325574613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591888619992579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459452622476249,0.14151262355832592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910011256413238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123011006613247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856016173694082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218215053829812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779975731948307,0.17084822291737126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604379836113254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousAccount777,2019/03/04,I found out my friend posted here about killing himself and depression what should I do?! I found out my friend ha dposted here and r/depression abour him feleing useless and his girlfriend killing hersllef months ago. He is alive and i havent heard about anything happenimg to him and he doenst act weird in school. I dont know if I should speak to him about it(that would be weird) or anonymously tell school councellor sbout him? What should I do?,5.867857142857144,7.425176738095237,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,67.33333333333333,7.980952380952381,31.857142857142854,8.344100000000001,2.169728571428572,362,15,71,5,6,102,52,84,0.189,0.69,0.121,-0.8142,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,0,1,10,0,0,0,0,16,14,7,2,5,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,2,15,3,8,6,0,7,0,2,0,0,14,3,0,2,2,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686989841935946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419488218770265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437070578391068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338458129026417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375452101721557,0.3083103123833732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441497250660616,0.0,0.10965559713927164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926167487948814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109306398845924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40386681059917584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439662669508296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417392591645159,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aspringtimefallacy,2019/03/04,"I don't see the point in trying anymore. No matter what I try or how much I try, I can't make friends. I don't seem to have the natural aptitude everyone else has and people never seem to want to talk to or maintain a friendship with me. I've been trying, and trying, being confide t that one day, someone would want to be my friend, but it's just never ever happened. I may as well give up, I've lost more people than I've gained. I can't make a single lasting social connection, and as much as I can be myself I don't want to be lonely. it's not who I am. ",1.3480327868852484,2.594465114754101,3.7729180327868868,89.74216393442623,78.18032786885246,6.191475409836067,22.036065573770493,6.742157984588678,0.4750859016393441,432,12,97,4,10,151,75,122,0.118,0.775,0.106,-0.0854,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,16,0,0,3,3,23,27,10,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,2,1,1,2,1,13,3,13,19,4,8,0,2,1,0,6,3,0,5,5,70,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358788235267934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987733462640776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937271292745814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008737425461268,0.0,0.14798343526949798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393019517959312,0.0,0.0,0.14856392353757844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694965383310834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623845211996204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905720132965407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067517782861171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276922519033576,0.0,0.2388881831609615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494286588414564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473255904313635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640073776796067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341009922158197,0.2819728304764522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786887592021273,0.13121953028782316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447738921548808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5257275392382526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740362628525386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924533037766376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001409943758717,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AutismKekXd,2019/03/04,"Need help asap Talking to a girl atm who is saying she is literally killing herself any time, wtf am I supposed to do help",9.3448,5.8295266800000025,9.736,69.78800000000003,62.2,11.6,45.0,8.841846274778883,4.1878,97,5,19,1,1,33,22,25,0.252,0.583,0.166,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860466300063309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563886347781374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653709654669078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118959651435762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345063096205282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380909592828287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452759991328789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SephirothTheGreat,2019/03/04,"This isn't really a venting post. I live with the constant need to end it all every day, but that's not what I want to write about.

I've been subscribing to a lot of different subreddits recently and only now found this one. I've been reading the snippets of a few of them and reading some comments from others.

I guess I just want to give a collective, heartfelt thank you to everyone in this subreddit.

It's really cool that this little virtual respite exists, in this uncaring and cold void of a world.

So yeah.

If this post doesn't follow the rules or something, I guess none of you will ever read this.",4.155166666666666,5.59755151666667,5.048333333333336,82.61666666666669,71.33333333333334,9.0,28.333333333333336,9.444778638647367,2.512083333333334,482,18,94,11,9,157,79,120,0.023,0.85,0.127,0.9321,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,8,2,5,0,0,0,2,20,14,7,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,2,8,3,15,10,5,13,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,6,6,66,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241695603590946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886449628654653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636405926686585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495100770163367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269271543316754,0.1422244951124907,0.16129927975778305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508467097379436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193200151734152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37191286804162005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918576960926698,0.14905686182567934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351096756235834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251658903801679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438583414423086,0.12838290837367008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233347873675703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065484890029693,0.0,0.21628009351554636,0.0,0.16667340328511548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995342427598905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541187391914016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991297280227408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saranpack,2019/03/04,"I Just Don’t Know What To Do I have a beautiful, almost 2yr old German Shepherd. She’s the best and definitely had the closest connection to me; anytime I come home from college, she is literally magnetized to me. Sits directly on top me, looks for me in the room, and general cute cuddles.

But as much as I love her, I do not love my life as much. If I had even a shred of the love I have for her toward myself I wouldn’t want to die. But I do.

I want to die. I’ve thought about this for a while, years even - and everytime I’ve always came back down and tried to enjoy life. But something is different this time. Everything in my life just makes me miserable: friends, family, work, college, substance abuse. I’ve never felt so scattered or so lost. 

I just don’t know if I ever could. I can’t even die, I want to - so badly, but I can’t. I CAN’T. I can’t leave her behind, even if I do weekly (I always visit on weekends), the thought of her never knowing why I didn’t come back is horrifying. 

My family (parents) are currently unemployed and not of a great financial standing so I know they couldn’t afford a funeral. God forbid the effect it would have on my brothers.

I just don’t know what to do. I can’t get happy and I can’t die - what do I do? What did you do? Anybody?",0.9488413696715592,2.9955619358490573,3.243815513626835,89.28730258560448,82.47169811320755,6.642907058001398,22.645003494060106,7.793537801064563,1.1037728860936409,983,34,214,18,27,337,124,265,0.14800000000000002,0.73,0.122,-0.9157,6,0,1,0,1,2,44.0,0,1,1,5,16,13,0,1,11,0,32,7,0,2,3,46,53,22,5,10,14,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,0,7,9,0,1,9,1,0,4,16,4,0,0,9,2,43,9,27,40,3,28,0,2,1,4,15,10,0,5,12,157,50,4,0.0,0.12520655849141654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581737186831136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585867521489335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625137589258004,0.08823348059443803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089847490190724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208630474077446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820578037978004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437219025118574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43869223297566223,0.1104069693225454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279187052433987,0.095588296270141,0.0,0.0,0.0949730898912863,0.0,0.19924032110813011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146373218091864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164356705236513,0.0,0.05521036891812082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650609617940873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112492071358855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599976379351532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903786781732724,0.0,0.0,0.11189364052830626,0.0,0.0,0.2239222795131624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873965052344296,0.0,0.11535579086469852,0.0,0.2861250715651535,0.0,0.07053829919487241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553652821973503,0.0,0.1630048000323185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088721817610676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733861042959905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135310440824274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778690310987826,0.06161943225733745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174579443075482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698801103018167,0.0,0.08476540913156616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953544615030026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693202177380745,0.0,0.0,0.07506786665741629,0.0,0.0,0.06805067201556013
suicidewatch,daemonsword2,2019/03/04,"Dark Thoughts v1 All the things that where fun
Always seem to dissapear and be gone
They give me the brainwash pill
And i am a rebel,still
I cant relax because i am a man of steel

I thought i was good, in reality i was bad
But no one in the world undestands
But i dare you to be where i stand
Your mind couldnt handle it
You will spend all your life getting rid of it

No more control, i cants stress this enough
Just another day full of Dark Thoughs

                   xDaemonx___",-0.12170499603489306,2.1772518969072188,1.3096907216494849,98.96256938937351,91.88659793814432,4.634099920697858,19.83267248215702,6.297961479604792,-0.09042045995241876,362,12,85,4,13,115,69,97,0.14,0.795,0.065,-0.7327,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,1,1,4,5,0,1,5,0,10,2,0,1,2,13,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,1,1,1,5,2,0,1,5,0,15,3,7,7,5,9,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104179440162305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659548284928248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177177694756105,0.1546114583923299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844693861803389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357138810854044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620692244190874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132512033447515,0.24330652481656825,0.0,0.2127341376893152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914748729233165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560955957960283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718673241428237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308966667084672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29053412049054433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685015532222297,0.0,0.2491917417640066,0.40271029070508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ineedhelp11a,2019/03/04,"Can someone give me some happiness ? I'm shivering, I feel very bad... All of this because of a story with a girl your can read on my profile (only other post).
Please help me
Someone
Please
I'm alone
Please",0.36715447154471903,2.815110146341468,2.040853658536588,92.60160569105692,93.8780487804878,4.684552845528454,21.46747967479675,6.42735559955562,0.5572894308943089,160,6,32,2,6,52,31,41,0.044,0.664,0.292,0.8807,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,17,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218580881151446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885731380422884,0.13058109314658092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831156418856676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205490798098696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280316901471836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435811792604462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291718781177414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7054183562702445,0.0,0.0,0.2051550122478996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142690600695573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363000725383512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674658449278094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heavymetalmermaid,2019/03/04,Writing suicide notes cathartic? I just wanted to see if other people felt this way. I’ve written a note a few times including this morning after I found out a guy i was seeing was married and for some reason writing out all these things seem to put me at ease. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I write out all my problems or because it’s a chance to tell my story or have a final word before I die or atleast try to. What do you put in your suicide note if you’ve written one? ,3.3565966386554607,4.016378049019611,4.553641456582636,88.36852941176474,72.43137254901961,6.220728291316527,28.296918767506998,5.288315135182226,0.9665389355742292,379,14,80,1,7,125,70,102,0.175,0.7809999999999999,0.044,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,1,3,25,13,6,3,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,6,3,10,1,11,7,4,11,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,7,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22878464571516144,0.0,0.15967999254464993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947555422623445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017756135611712,0.20556611914968545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575326009311615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858072653626484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885239722767512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271594139040195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009586751794938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955982704742576,0.0,0.377288814886925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293987978228389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990723715164721,0.17083343187819314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105267052705192,0.0,0.1768619620884498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640181341609804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466918221086612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942273458341656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274049554479305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106833713093818,0.14895125307668242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932882290789406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lisxsi,2019/03/04,"Is there something wrong with me? Everywhere i go i feel like the same thing happens to me over and over.
I make new friends who seem lovely and fun. New friends slowly start to treat me worse and worse and tear down my self esteem. I become angry and sad and reluctant to go out. New friends then betray me and ruin my social life. I become lonely and burn cigarettes on my wrists. I try to kill myself but can't do it. I move schools or distance myself. I make new friends who seem lovely and fun.
My life is just an endless cycle of people hating me and using me and i dont feel like it will ever end.
This has happened three times now and I think this might finally be the last as I contemplate throwing myself off the third floor balcony of the school into the lunch hall and I finally feel at peace and true companionship when the floor hits me. Nothing else really sticks around except the ground but even that will eventually leave aswell.",3.1566899841017486,5.381164605405406,3.5795230524642285,88.78184419713834,75.91891891891892,6.298887122416534,22.233704292527822,7.285733465282438,0.7598267090620037,752,21,147,9,17,234,113,185,0.128,0.685,0.187,0.9485,0,2,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,18,2,0,8,0,10,6,1,3,2,36,28,20,1,0,5,0,3,2,4,3,2,0,0,1,8,18,1,0,6,0,0,4,2,6,0,2,0,3,26,12,18,23,1,31,0,3,0,2,11,13,0,4,16,97,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816228479545304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435656446738238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129233783766823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211512752382084,0.0,0.09766510338728056,0.0,0.0,0.0728312608908457,0.09974411181418516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726510073820136,0.157551582997663,0.0,0.2415873598011846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340772475239683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253361847030697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502002457432352,0.0,0.0,0.10886724992987566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199568492867452,0.0,0.0,0.08988349128892711,0.0,0.11675835042200562,0.0,0.0,0.1557717123466496,0.10774317425350192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199043134251372,0.0,0.14721007229152952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697738321944284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719789486917108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259917639042777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580553666997282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644624825509377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064078259921727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231950849310278,0.0,0.20076848239361905,0.11503402563009672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240478234066788,0.0,0.08489002795483,0.0,0.0,0.07804856534827251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732574480256759,0.07065556025721563,0.0,0.0,0.06429841079741433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486502868169798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952365230231214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247459101015671,0.0,0.12056122268165675,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway717397,2019/03/04,"I think this is it for me I've been in a hole for the past 5 years and have thought about suicide countless times but I think I'm actually at the point now where I have nothing else to do. Before, these thoughts would come up in times of stress or intense feeling. But now I don't feel anything. My life is empty. I have no life. I have nothing to live for. Almost every aspect of my personality has withered away. I don't know who I am anymore. I have no friends. I don't have energy for anything. Lethargy and listlessness have consumed me. Many days I'd just stay in bed until night time to just eat one meal and then go to bed again. The psychiatrist at my uni said I have depression and put me on meds for half a year but I haven't been back in like a month. The meds hardly helped and I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.

I think this is it. I used to cry constantly when thinking about these things. Now it's hard to. I'm 21 now. I've had a plan for how I'll do it for years now. 

It's surreal to think about the fact that I get to choose what will be my last meal, the last song I'll listen to, the last movie I'll watch, the last book I'll read, the last person I'll talk to, the last laugh I'll have, the last sight I'll see and so on.

I can't imagine any advice that would actually help me. My psyche has rotted away. I just wanted to vent and get this off my chest; to at least have these thoughts out of just my head. ",1.4622106049290515,2.8695035469255687,2.830760517799352,95.93522218073193,78.25566343042071,5.918894697535475,20.946104057754546,6.490185161304077,-0.016889071446352766,1112,28,271,9,26,361,150,309,0.101,0.825,0.07400000000000001,-0.7947,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,1,18,6,0,1,15,0,31,7,2,2,1,38,55,16,1,3,8,0,5,2,1,3,2,3,2,2,16,9,3,0,14,3,0,3,8,2,0,2,9,11,30,4,40,42,1,48,0,1,3,0,9,16,0,2,30,164,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.1781143665046388,0.0,0.0,0.08917880426458187,0.0,0.0,0.09138431054201457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062060338959056126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050599493240433,0.0,0.0,0.1501993994155591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714846797745556,0.07017376991514973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765605081582086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861292803397257,0.0,0.09862029006112144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024548625486933,0.05885553862122129,0.0,0.07860262295402574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338237929042366,0.07623652283789473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689099339553318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922882050986546,0.0,0.0876244896907099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050771488216688,0.0,0.14303969402958644,0.0,0.05186550333472211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350314833388607,0.0,0.09365970654709632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234011593467035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050154440301144285,0.5207269983139509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892012446861492,0.08917064097295258,0.0,0.08058478371909268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925239267183463,0.0,0.0,0.2027399116402112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284334200340478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564189300701422,0.0,0.1751340182562342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061840545897316225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711857115742003,0.0,0.15937047552043462,0.0,0.0,0.08627076711756063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917421115638746,0.0,0.0,0.09128529862041554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868097311649416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272288440769144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727165934143923,0.0,0.0,0.10453871148887674,0.0,0.0,0.09982428661757564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335181516251532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062948898389225,0.2923805447579995,0.0,0.21735217272865975,0.15964437313284266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881985899195901,0.0,0.0,0.05382786766140605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296578268242213,0.0,0.0,0.17630650717167448
suicidewatch,thatpeskyboat,2019/03/04,"Does anyone else find it weird that some people don't just. Wanna die every day? I have BPD, PTSD and a bunch of other disorders, and since being a teenager I've had a Lot of suicidal and self destructive thoughts due to these issues. (Still kicking though, don't worry about me). I thought about this today after a massive mood drop (and subsequent suicidal ideation), and it kind of weirded me out that most people live their day to day life without either wanting to die or commit suicide. Does anyone else find this an alien concept or is it just me?
",7.012285714285714,7.091871323809524,6.631190476190479,78.68964285714289,64.33333333333333,8.904761904761905,32.73809523809524,8.344100000000001,2.5196666666666663,439,16,78,5,6,137,72,105,0.183,0.725,0.092,-0.9146,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,22,9,8,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,1,12,5,5,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,7,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969320495520867,0.27797002611188143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084096582882094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624406955850995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28155756794803205,0.0,0.15546168320857726,0.0,0.23740887005874906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266290938941173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142873226189854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479553596933967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415788317990221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125408577076715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581054429503756,0.0,0.0,0.11977760682202515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532109315058173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807924864649886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585625228181234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415080112047818,0.0,0.0,0.1122074953275239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832680282229017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451230220626474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327117657686444,0.2153750115551751,0.0,0.0,0.1285762292339772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000732732981626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075757996902396,0.0,0.0,0.13775475661044814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PleaseHelpMeNow1989,2019/03/04,"Is there any chance for a brighter future for me? I'm a 29 year old male who lives and works in the UK. My Mother passed away due to cancer when I was about 6. Dad was abusive due to his depression but I forgive him and I still love him to this day. Stepmom is a real bitch, nobody likes her really. Moving to the UK alone in 2015 for a better life. 

2016: friend kills herself by committing suicide. Can't believe it. The whole year is a blur for me.

Something has snapped in me while I was isolated from my family and friends. Don't know or might never know what but I became numb. Nothing gets me anymore.

2019: knock on the door. Police.
They believe I have downloaded indecent images of children. They're are right. I did.
They took all my electronic equipment and they are looking into my computer for more illegal files. Lawyer said it will be a suspended sentence but expect to be on the Sex Offenders Register list for 2-7 years.

This is where I finally died inside. All the struggle in the past decades and all the challenges I faced - this will be the one that kills me. A stupid mistake like this will be my downfall. As soon as I'm on that list: it's over. And the worst thing is... it's all my fault.

No work. No place to live. Nothing.
Hopeless. Thinking about suicide every hour of a day. Called up several help lines but they didn't convince me. Can anyone help me? Please?



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suicidewatch,givemethedog,2019/03/04,"I feel really sad today Everything is crashing down. My repressed thoughts and feelings are piling up, I can't concentrate in school, my thoughts are louder then ever before, I haven't been eating, I've had a fight with my therapist and I can't tell anyone anything because I can't bring myself to.

I just feel really sad today and have been for a long time. I can't remember the day I felt at peace with myself. My antidepressants aren't working and trust me three years is a long time.

If I could I would end it, but I can't. At least not now. I thought about self-harm but I already have so many scars.

I hope it will all be over soon.",3.169007633587788,4.47257311450382,4.201442748091605,88.27285114503815,73.58015267175573,7.377404580152671,24.55038167938931,7.908726449838941,1.1634879389312978,502,15,107,7,10,163,81,131,0.085,0.858,0.057,-0.0512,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,4,0,20,1,0,0,2,25,29,9,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,8,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,7,4,21,2,11,18,2,20,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,2,13,75,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498911231081897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172141131175892,0.0,0.1379491137434561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218858611476643,0.0,0.14264482319560545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384270527360026,0.0,0.0,0.10811054402725097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153219669977945,0.0,0.0,0.14847462960970734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163522633703666,0.0,0.0,0.1506593018552571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25428349551073304,0.0,0.1609556461888738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664991287151844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967029526670501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995532259815646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147822234963117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898974904174562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965531400930947,0.0,0.0,0.174879601368103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652015807004767,0.0,0.0,0.19463686223404086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992497934719068,0.19549833863959665,0.0,0.31779627912814506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204009266227622,0.0,0.0,0.11908291491111656,0.0,0.0,0.10795128123536
suicidewatch,LilLilTremz,2019/03/04,"lmao imagine imagine fucking up this much all the time, youd think youd eventually grow out of it or fix your shit but yeah. just constantly fucking up just how ",1.5571875000000013,4.203935343750004,2.64875,90.32125,86.1875,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.4469749999999997,129,6,26,2,4,41,26,32,0.067,0.7809999999999999,0.152,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,1,10,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,6,0,0,0,2,3,3,3,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104695388459109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7023075376630032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792243631401705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898978693573276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433846164921076,0.0,0.0,0.2214863769533624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway73937494,2019/03/04,"I attempted suicide last year and no one knows. I got into a car accident on an empty street by my house in the middle of the country. I flipped my car.

I was suicidal. I wanted to die. I wanted to die. All I wished for was for death and I couldn’t get it. I’m in an abusive household and I’d had a major argument with my parent where they called me basically every name in the book for the 300th time that month. I was leaving another dead end job. I wanted to live with my SO, but my SO lived 4k miles away and it felt like the dream of moving there was fading.

I was driving home and I just fucking bawled and screamed about how much I wanted to fucking die. I still don’t know if it happened by accident or on purpose. I didn’t die. I laid in the ditch. I told myself as I crumbled out of the wreckage that I wouldn’t be suicidal anymore. That my parents would care about me. Everyone cared for 2 days before they began screaming at me when I was too afraid to drive. That I’m a burden and that I need to get over it. I’m still terrified to drive but I just force myself to do it.

Nobody cares about me and life is repeating itself. In fact, life is worse than it was before my accident. I don’t even have a dead end job to go to anymore, I just sit and think about how I should have died in that accident.",0.8261036616812802,2.8174071119133615,2.751968798349665,92.952594765343,82.57400722021661,5.834399174832388,21.084192882929344,7.021680442328713,0.44717235688499146,1018,31,228,13,28,340,142,277,0.27,0.6729999999999999,0.057,-0.9966,4,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,1,18,10,2,1,13,0,21,4,0,2,2,39,46,19,11,11,7,2,1,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,13,13,0,0,4,2,0,7,6,6,0,1,13,3,40,4,40,28,3,38,0,0,0,2,7,17,2,2,14,158,53,3,0.0,0.1145243826190052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135474632208152,0.0,0.0,0.19171829357320808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908137361643289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644983358192226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869901994158548,0.0,0.29564900174914305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233666311397365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015807253492909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122128188753485,0.0,0.0,0.06384195285068499,0.0,0.08143885969073243,0.0923612307571949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280720935266662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871824206170314,0.1010000353128269,0.0,0.054933188691395234,0.0,0.07730654180686819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547469219620714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695624296745556,0.0,0.0,0.11153080072226608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183706845909956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624184306063046,0.07878948603571276,0.0,0.10234727521382726,0.0,0.0,0.1365453541990682,0.04722240536920172,0.0,0.17070225275275105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715180214024832,0.10273256822576307,0.0710550359280854,0.07167096903155658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549822441001787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465539950517906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543830250569649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171857604865515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193479134379318,0.0,0.0,0.05636228262826156,0.0,0.0,0.0923612307571949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280464833834867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115237454178853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850315386954936,0.06866334469256874,0.0,0.0,0.06224483200634184
suicidewatch,Galaxygirl181,2019/03/04,"On average, how often do think about suicide? I think about from time to time. Although, some days are better than others. I can't give an exact number but I will say that I have thought about overdosing recently. Lately, I've been thinking about the future and I am worried about that. I don't know how many times in a week I've thought about suicide. I tend to get these thoughts of suicide out of nowhere. I have been thinking about it a little bit more I think but sometimes the thoughts go away after a while. I'm not sure about suicide that's the problem.",2.077432432432431,4.572946765765766,2.4751576576576566,93.792195945946,81.34234234234233,4.781081081081081,25.466216216216218,5.985473137389443,0.6759243243243245,445,18,89,3,12,136,69,111,0.258,0.716,0.026,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,2,2,22,25,7,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,1,9,2,19,18,3,16,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,10,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443077386673285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171315082406304,0.14458905608718886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854121805704136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919389667991019,0.1270475299616749,0.0752681198741657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278499546115398,0.0,0.14939692910965066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273864296193785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427233054157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672620997940404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076750734420042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532078628644356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309855298146621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794669588373341,0.0,0.12482216380766788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243077281964045,0.0,0.4205670009285705,0.23167868894765875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062345547840534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449820485896866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pliyanshu,2019/03/04,"I've nothing left to love. I wanted to tell you my whole story, there's a girl who lives like 1000 miles away from me, we have different countries different cultures. I've known her for four years, we chat we video call each other, she always liked me and I always liked her, she was perfect, perfect in every sense, she had everything I wanted in a girl, so we started dating last September (we dated so late because we weren't independent  that we could meet) but the last week of December she said it's hard for her because we can't meet and let's break up for the time being, I understood we made plans that we'll meet each other this May, we still talked flirted everything was going well, but something happened in the last Feb, she started ignoring me. I dropped like tens of messages and she replied with an unenthusiastic message after a day or so, I was frustrated so today in the morning I became little angry and ranted and she in the end told me she likes someone, and probably wants to date him, she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. I'm seriously depressed all those 4 years have gone to waste , I really can't look her with someone else, I've zero interest in any other girl. I have been crying the whole day and now it's night I'm still crying didn't get out of my bed and I surely want to end it, she was my only escape, the only person I ever liked, even she left me.",2.8897555948174336,4.690009911660777,4.227831272084806,85.75338412838637,75.32508833922262,6.8368080094228505,24.159157832744413,7.6454224807358475,1.1726444051825675,1107,35,221,15,24,365,149,283,0.129,0.748,0.123,-0.4047,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,11,1,0,3,11,18,1,0,11,0,20,1,0,2,5,43,39,15,0,6,3,0,1,6,0,2,0,1,1,4,11,23,0,1,2,2,0,2,6,5,1,3,15,3,50,13,25,19,5,41,0,2,1,1,48,13,0,2,30,146,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826291197096155,0.0,0.0,0.06875813336713958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499598842135816,0.0,0.0,0.18490679265877102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032444138032622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072795046183866,0.0,0.22212874209125635,0.13041491689507573,0.0,0.08708572532363247,0.0,0.0,0.2112764484026637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446426643259622,0.0,0.17910654928067246,0.0,0.0,0.06678207141292303,0.0914596056242484,0.08518937001149643,0.0,0.18174194300577048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052825699009742814,0.0,0.0574630312250696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941106503422812,0.0,0.09057452366241092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824013550979336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472539536187457,0.11405626202314545,0.0,0.2197121940026375,0.10339162415308607,0.0,0.2963828554898781,0.10133858528746392,0.08928180862781003,0.0,0.08490676951884275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125554496268452,0.09567254050425636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488470092107504,0.0,0.0970175831002934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379712300537612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828518015223838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901346897447796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647735289833305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617857673872053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134001624601447,0.07783926626810678,0.0,0.0,0.14313207820406312,0.0,0.16149283886115798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529479291434573,0.0,0.0,0.08126822982699845,0.17674884915334485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895793933934354,0.0,0.095840270958248,0.09661474990651503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981859079091941,0.0,0.08110418526386888,0.0,0.09090985586047534,0.0,0.0,0.2257709688285422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302227964691189
suicidewatch,tenderandrotten,2019/03/04,painless suicide methods? there’s no point in being alive anymore and all i think about every second of every day is how much i want to kill myself. i need a way to kill myself that will actually work and is relatively easy (im 17 and dont have access to a gun) i can take some pain and i have a butterfly knife but its too dull to cut myself with. any ideas?,2.317938596491228,3.603333513157896,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,75.71052631578948,6.64561403508772,21.87719298245614,7.1686216300943375,0.5766824561403512,281,7,61,3,6,96,57,76,0.237,0.6809999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9226,0,0,1,1,0,6,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,1,13,12,6,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,8,0,8,10,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.2121382543026328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783054535761952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215589389510398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401965654333885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547758257931525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663156752737036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454033477552344,0.2348151539418317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810127888383253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980438310677791,0.16118963058923466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313149867059494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055008845475881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778598341764465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344789338746082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392927467316892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822042491700325,0.17255160134242736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582602510270493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrManWithTheHandsand,2019/03/04,"Got a job interview tomorrow but really nervous Hi as the title says I’ve got a job interview tomorrow and I’m really nervous it’s for a groundsman job but I couldn’t find the yard on google maps and went to the address they sent me and still couldn’t find anything, thinking of just cutting my wrists to end my miserable life.",5.731363636363637,6.014520166666667,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,67.03030303030303,10.842424242424245,34.68181818181819,10.686352973137794,3.7674363636363637,265,12,51,7,4,88,45,66,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.9048,3,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,3,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,11,8,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,1,5,0,6,2,0,8,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,27,6,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998176679622208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937143736295837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39979855827350935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349848760819888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6511152786468325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544831195579771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802256789643275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392897278789282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746640993938704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401421503072546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274869536899892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inf_Delay,2019/03/04,"I've bought the tickets to another world. The ride is gonna be rough I hate the world I live in. I hate that someone has to suffer, while others have a happy life because they were more lucky. There’s no free will. I'm sick of being bound by fate, luck, etc. I'm leaving. It’ll hurt, but that’s the only way

People will miss me, probably, but I won’t miss anyone. Don’t judge me, please 

In my dreams, I keep seeing another world. It's so beautiful. It's calling for me",-0.16603333333333126,1.9925815300000025,1.9380000000000024,96.01066666666668,88.7,4.933333333333334,17.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.2544666666666666,363,9,83,4,12,121,72,100,0.158,0.636,0.206,0.8482,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,2,10,2,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,0,6,21,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,3,6,0,0,2,2,10,5,7,12,2,8,0,4,1,0,2,5,0,2,1,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.443876528013536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799379179664635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902265721441525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612297341651507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360507863146655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253102182171017,0.0,0.4179301243424929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658058743943305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812830070363107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241116219125794,0.0,0.0,0.14949787735065426,0.0,0.0,0.186894856988736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097283282641464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467346243215832,0.0,0.0,0.2323331517109326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281994171821116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866128385430754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793342245464548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800154055178226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mercyforpotato,2019/03/04,It's final Im doing it next friday. I've been doing fine but I've relapsed and I don't want to go through this shit again. Next friday is the perfect time.,-1.9610476190476158,-0.2094327714285704,0.8449999999999989,99.39416666666668,105.28571428571428,2.333333333333333,14.404761904761903,3.1291,-1.4039523809523815,123,3,28,0,6,42,27,35,0.18600000000000005,0.647,0.16699999999999998,-0.1921,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660547758298109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899102214312994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36094898791259616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7107636290675544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430093411273046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485076015591427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970955955209776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Malik2122,2019/03/04,Regret  **If you were to die tomorrow what would your regret be ?** ,-1.1975000000000016,-6.585052416666665,0.9233333333333356,92.005,198.16666666666663,4.133333333333334,10.333333333333334,5.46131890053228,-0.2997666666666663,49,1,9,1,6,16,11,12,0.487,0.513,0.0,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8252076412203658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648294865457362,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aileenpark97,2019/03/04,"Can’t get myself to buy new furniture A month and a half ago, I moved from the suburbs to the inner city an hour away by myself to “restart” after having an existential crisis and being minutes away from killing myself back in December. I have no friends out here. But despite that, I decided that maybe the major change will motivate me to get better and be better. Even decided to go back to school this semester and find a new job.

Problem is, I sold half my shit at my old place with the plan of updating my furniture/decor after my move and to help lighten the load, and now I can’t get myself to buy any new furniture or decor because I’m probably going to end up killing myself in the next few weeks anyways, and I want to save as much money as I can to be sent to my mom back at home after I’m dead. A few weeks back, a friend of mine gave me a ridiculous amount of oxy post-op to have a little fun with here and there, and although they’ve been sitting in the back of the medicine cabinet for a few weeks with no plans to use them recreationally any time soon, I can’t help but continue to think about them for sometimes hours at a time, almost daily. I’ll probably do it on my birthday in May. I’ll treat myself to my favorite meal, write a note, cuddle with my dog for a little while, and then get’er done in the bathroom.",11.817545787545788,5.7955268717948725,11.022417582417583,70.0642490842491,60.501831501831504,14.33113553113553,42.78754578754579,10.504223727775694,4.228088644688643,1048,34,221,15,9,342,149,273,0.073,0.8290000000000001,0.098,0.6862,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,2,5,13,12,4,0,22,0,16,3,1,2,0,30,29,18,3,2,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,15,1,0,5,0,4,5,5,5,0,2,5,0,27,7,49,19,6,52,0,0,0,1,10,17,1,3,29,154,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227144476203257,0.0,0.10423329094584637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157251564409598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559607566857615,0.4002023396001776,0.0,0.06345363211215907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412216397164125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101157335639579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652244912545876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219478303244732,0.0,0.0,0.06875190895139696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513837472688798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084273363009752,0.0,0.21753548949719664,0.0,0.11831597934210725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954159989754794,0.0,0.10441295247277993,0.0,0.20501967628465892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032954356444111,0.0,0.23032516861818536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865543824981936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457459453870244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219115133995812,0.08308539196143393,0.2212670465616892,0.07651973573069598,0.0,0.0,0.30159865359759064,0.11070322363388356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922724190040993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875418234888404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969154308220432,0.0,0.22445797007604976,0.09960216667490468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053468522299474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684913590511813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294983630237987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669807149150435,0.0,0.0,0.12139398469260848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990222988925699,0.0,0.0,0.06139626985932462,0.0,0.2504894252094006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bnjmnyng,2019/03/04,"Suicide hotline left me on hold for 10 minutes, very cool now i want to kill myself even more",1.6642105263157916,3.985217789473687,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,81.63157894736842,3.8,25.28947368421053,3.1291,0.17971578947368405,74,3,15,0,2,23,19,19,0.336,0.512,0.152,-0.7931,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934521401215889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915457234987727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827269668098908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859857615809841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665892593190873,0.2620562404810919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peachesnstuffss,2019/03/04,"Questioning my religion is making it easier to do it . I was raised strictly Christian my whole life. My family taught me that if anyone kills them selves , they automatically end up in hell . Now that I am older and question a lot more, I don’t 100% believe that there is a hell. This was scary for me because as someone who had had abusive relationships and sexual assault in my teen years, I’m always thinking about just ending my constant anxiety . Being told there was a hell really worked and no matter how close I got to wanting to Kill myself, I would remember that . 
Now that I don’t believe that anymore, it’s a lot easier to validate my suicide .",7.01681142857143,6.908410864,7.894285714285715,70.27000000000002,64.36,10.982857142857142,34.65714285714286,10.608840637214634,3.7667142857142855,518,21,91,12,7,175,83,125,0.293,0.644,0.062,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,6,0,4,0,13,1,0,2,0,17,20,6,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,8,0,17,0,10,10,4,11,4,0,0,0,7,4,3,5,7,70,28,2,0.0,0.1914109241361042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442295653602426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358568939313253,0.0,0.1602146848882242,0.11295986499193472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847968460641393,0.0,0.0,0.36402418124156777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174578697328598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28617158240347235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522954326354069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920669180331748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35746338243247033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410789491301755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746889139458203,0.0,0.0,0.10783621240420203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619470624323275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349338626344214,0.0,0.0,0.17344477711677025,0.18300522274432632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688121337573494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767100249720639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351503650302077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543684246908033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095286669816935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180365362600956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761068717812315,0.0,0.0,0.1147608392319715,0.0,0.0,0.1040332245812367
suicidewatch,ido_lum,2019/03/04,"killing myself with heroin Been struggling with depression for 5 years now, im 23. Been to the doctors all throughout my depression, and nothing has ever helped, not the drugs they have given me, not the therapy, not the online forms they ask me to fill out asking me how im doing. I've tried large doses of psilocybin, LSD and have been smoking weed/tobacco constantly the past few months. Nothing seems to make me enjoy anything, and I keep losing interests in things I know I enjoyed before. The past few weeks has been me staying in my room smoking, and thats it. I leave for food/bathroom but 23.5 hours of the day I spend in my room, doing nothing but smoking. I don't enjoy it but it gives me something to do and it keeps the nicotine addiction at bay. I dont have any other places I can go, I have lots of social anxiety which makes it hard to make new friends, and coupled with the fact im so weird and an outcast makes it feel like its impossible. I dont have any other family, and I have no friends.

I graduated last June with a comp sci degree, I know I used to enjoy programming but now when I think of getting a job doing it, I just regret doing the degree. For the past 9 months I haven't even applied for any jobs like I feel I'm supposed to be doing. I don't want a job, I don't feel I would be good at one, and I know I'm not stable enough to keep one. And the thought of being around other people makes me incredibly anxious and I'm sweating just thinking about it.

I was assigned male at birth and I used to think I was gay, but now I'm certain im a straight transwomen. This has led me to hate many things about myself, because in my eyes I was born wrong, and I know I will never be a real woman.  This is definitly a big contribution to my depression. THe thouhgt that I could be rich and not alone and doing something I enjoy, but I will never be complete or comfortable with my body. I came out as trans to a couple good friends, but after a week or so they went back to deadnaming me and using the wrong pronouns, and this led me to become estranged from them.

The past couple years I have been struggling with increasingly suicidal thoughts, I cut myself reguarly and have to take 500mg of caffeine just to feel comfortable enough to get out of bed. I order hormones from the internet and take them. I've lost all my friends because I can act 'normal' for a while, but then I feel fake and have to be my real self and I start talking about how depressed I am and how I want to kill myself and that makes me lose friends, and I dont blame them, I just wish I could think and talk about other things but the thoughts of release from this hell is the only thing I can think about. 

Throughout my life music has been my only passion, but even after training for years, taking vocal lessons through university, I still am just unable to produce a decent singing voice. I play piano and guitar too but I never practiced enough to be any good at them, and next to any real musician I am just a beginner. Even producing music which is what I want to do with my life just feels boring and I know I used to get enjoyment out of it, but now I don't feel it. I write a song and I feel there is just no point as I know someone has done a song with the same ideas just better than I could ever do it. Starting music production, I was making a few songs a month, and this continued until around a year ago and I have written 3 songs the past year because I don't gain any enjoyment from it. 

At the moment I live with unsupporting parents, and have less than £200 in my bank, no income and no plans to get any income. I have too many problems. I cant get out of this shit town i live in, where Im so alone. I want to just run into the woods and live there, but im unequipped to do so and know I would get lonely. I feel trapped where I am and I know I will never be happy here and I know I cannot get out of here.

Sorry if you read this and feel bad for me. Im planning to spend the rest of my money on heroin and i'm going to try overdose on it.",4.1161452415554685,4.469462826397148,5.062010173074384,86.50959781124762,70.5576694411415,7.704064825824638,27.345774430792268,7.457515093567415,1.3211492755537937,3171,99,681,31,54,1039,318,841,0.159,0.722,0.119,-0.985,6,5,4,0,0,4,73.0,0,1,7,10,44,50,6,2,40,0,77,12,4,18,10,169,152,68,3,14,31,1,11,2,5,5,6,5,3,3,35,58,0,3,30,8,5,10,24,24,0,2,19,17,108,26,96,116,14,91,1,9,1,2,25,31,2,5,50,478,143,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049164752527363235,0.0,0.0,0.03997769335313615,0.0,0.0,0.09341827848968867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468287629903934,0.0,0.03450074184662803,0.0509492254838126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03711277446821788,0.08029564631361674,0.08432327260199705,0.0,0.0,0.03467847816408487,0.037655923416705324,0.0824761068800261,0.049808490347464165,0.038376072224446965,0.0,0.0,0.039886551195537925,0.0,0.05009501133617812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515814362805784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047285622024243336,0.04873618133321888,0.0,0.10802405322312368,0.14970412245005388,0.0,0.029085233889804787,0.0,0.15537539722018012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616091182954515,0.0,0.046152109326404664,0.1585676751728161,0.0,0.052300719522676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979849610050935,0.0,0.0893627299515085,0.08158956304640369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251548404654267,0.0,0.2280349558806692,0.0322188562819515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453409575710778,0.0,0.17421753554762892,0.0,0.16493718561793894,0.04326323364395288,0.05126179559790562,0.11348113302554913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048008905412517726,0.040399998219503526,0.04452609377278028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03022902321025335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044413598221016884,0.0,0.0,0.05091147379208361,0.34100390095216443,0.0,0.1342619028548061,0.12025864426435642,0.09979109990392176,0.0,0.22306792102324768,0.03676184311015065,0.0,0.0477535095540123,0.0,0.0,0.0637097554642106,0.04406635313446933,0.0,0.11947018092112267,0.0,0.0,0.10090887131569287,0.049231071892548516,0.038341701837453966,0.0,0.0,0.2107283246872095,0.09144696020285674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799318241495888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391330416803092,0.04355705971780216,0.04796347926547369,0.0,0.04418761144498906,0.12982161073640888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061120729957880975,0.0685999025370593,0.0,0.0,0.050077291504219884,0.0,0.21526130570025384,0.03126608617904888,0.0,0.047119034106678746,0.0,0.042633293284693466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315381521234979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045111374787727095,0.15399818783902933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041056590845434233,0.04704827039872253,0.0,0.04629365023251519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597292466038553,0.03821238065280285,0.06943908930418256,0.0,0.05048482884054302,0.06384284974161873,0.04806971491677206,0.036016255667933414,0.0,0.0,0.09429488977904868,0.0,0.04933117242950906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172689024030844,0.07249800954074477,0.0,0.0,0.05157483168314728,0.0,0.1198475391799418,0.14448863655541702,0.0,0.10741111080395274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061238752508772525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580481209739305,0.0,0.0,0.1064026365163162,0.0,0.07235166816812978,0.0,0.0,0.04180738270824117,0.0,0.0,0.05186182014658408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640743132621089,0.09861772589906047,0.0,0.14521193523191905
suicidewatch,JJlad17,2019/03/04,"Feeling suicidal for the first time in years I'd been doing so much better. My life still isn't good. In fact it's mostly terrible, but I met this amazing girl. She seemed to take the pain away, and made me a better person.

I lost all my friends and my family not too long ago. Most wasn't my fault. It just happened and all came so fast, and I was left with no one. Then out of the blue I meet this girl and finally I have hope. I'd held on for so long in the hope that something like this would happen. This year looked like it could actually be better. A real improvement. I hadn't felt truly depressed for months, and hadn't been suicidal for years.

Today we had an argument and she just left. I don't know why. I don't know why she's so angry with me. I'm autistic so maybe I did something really wrong and I'm not seeing it. But she left and doesn't want to talk to me. I really don't know what to do. I have no friends or family. I have no one to talk to. I've just sat here and cried for hours.

It was all going so well. I don't know why she left, and now I'm just miserable. There really seems like there's no more in life for me. It seems like everyone leaves me no matter what I do. I try so hard despite my social awkwardness. I'm left with nowhere else to turn... ",0.057951515151511764,2.074812498181821,2.1020909090909115,96.3184696969697,85.83636363636364,5.848484848484849,16.803030303030305,7.1686216300943375,-0.11458787878787867,987,21,237,15,30,329,131,275,0.19,0.613,0.197,0.4944,0,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,5,18,22,0,2,7,0,24,3,0,1,4,50,53,22,2,5,9,0,3,4,2,1,3,0,0,3,13,17,0,1,9,0,0,2,16,8,1,3,16,6,31,14,24,34,7,30,0,3,3,0,16,12,0,8,20,149,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.08589593410504433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802542850758103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826987572254944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335426324798657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067273349858967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027771685413961,0.0,0.09668708763537193,0.0,0.0,0.07581247772696427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353036670302468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410797002796754,0.0,0.0,0.16595699164711733,0.0,0.044506132432727684,0.0,0.08451409664660972,0.09642285493445643,0.0,0.07487073555659715,0.0,0.0,0.1360098267257544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002444153372907,0.07382795495169701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567360439982686,0.0,0.07884965110261892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484970287154936,0.08668309104648553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349646336676696,0.0,0.0,0.09320167656447292,0.4781761233619539,0.0,0.1243438666232671,0.17201072886880955,0.0,0.0,0.15579187565506422,0.07391558776245212,0.0,0.09608547062413964,0.0,0.0,0.0832877296377381,0.0,0.0,0.08842906460316119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702576330871402,0.0,0.06470566473812403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929080308695933,0.0,0.09366069745845386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685666312176065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018732604531833,0.16916578595733472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014145135618954,0.2403934163093077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972646607415942,0.0,0.13552594568865994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029379501478032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925616785137435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618094188702582,0.1414961141053316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132583378482509,0.0,0.08343374738358701,0.0,0.0,0.05976057527330854,0.0957417229277264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051917148115492015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914157454589757,0.0,0.23827616041505326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252769143586466,0.09623729730662084,0.0,0.17004818218202816
suicidewatch,hotmess667,2019/03/04,"Are there online forums for spouses of people who are suicidal? My wife has been depressed and suicidal for some time now. I'm trying to be there for her. There are things I've done wrong in the past in regards to supporting her but I'm trying to learn more and understand what she's going through. Im frequently super stressed worrying about her along with all of the other crap in life and anyway, I thought reddit would have a group for people like me but they dont. And the only thing I find with a Google search is groups for people dealing with the suicide of a loved one . I'm sure those people would be supportive of me but I really just need a place to rant sometimes and I feel like that might come off as disrepectul to people who've actually lost a loved one. So does anyone know is there a group for me?",3.574094746716696,5.194003079268295,4.223902439024393,87.24867729831148,73.08536585365854,7.4851782363977515,23.59099437148217,8.139509932561175,1.2057557223264546,651,18,132,10,13,207,100,164,0.168,0.6729999999999999,0.159,0.2523,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,2,9,13,1,1,10,0,15,4,1,0,2,27,30,10,3,3,4,2,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,4,1,13,8,26,21,3,11,0,2,0,2,14,5,1,2,6,92,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.12198472950792627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874048846971029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107678868922687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887242813773142,0.10766475369532452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939081828710844,0.12792129441460068,0.14650238495033452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320518640161576,0.08930204621844304,0.0,0.0,0.11425032134992627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710419885743888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350245062217471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869828586900857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882931950973343,0.12214013650438167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645535456187727,0.0,0.2256398677332673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260824783880668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268801401024032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694103044452656,0.09507028451498616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932934491814995,0.4333061125132725,0.0,0.13060135110755552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008001332079108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236309944776156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431903186062833,0.0,0.0,0.4101984193750995,0.2837034586457088,0.11781368725404368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609265067253906,0.0,0.0,0.099238283501311,0.07289015500261019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697374313675344,0.0,0.0,0.13013235374795254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694644092134716,0.0,0.1775968468363417,0.13667097055101016,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fleetingAshes9,2019/03/04,"I am 24 I was 12 when my brother raped me and I didn't go to court so they gave him a deal only 2 years. He got out when I was 14 and called crying saying that he wanted to die n so I lied for him and told my family that he never raped me. N, I was in foster care after that and  was emancipated at 17.  My uncle's and cousins keep hitting on me and I want to die. I don't know what I need to change about myself to stop this. I'm wearing dirty clothes and not brushing my teeth and going to work looking horrible and I wish I could just end it but maybe someone else has something that I am missing to say?? I hate my life so much.",-0.5289361702127664,1.2766324184397213,1.9681985815602843,97.69400000000002,86.51773049645391,4.611063829787233,17.910638297872342,5.6839178017228535,-0.5707668085106383,485,12,120,3,15,166,91,141,0.204,0.76,0.036000000000000004,-0.9707,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,3,0,1,0,10,5,2,0,1,22,27,15,2,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,10,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,8,4,25,1,14,17,1,13,0,1,1,2,14,4,0,0,7,76,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18527766924388211,0.0,0.1849973045689182,0.0,0.19194686206861813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448706613115803,0.0,0.1993110042988253,0.0,0.1870638848963025,0.0,0.0,0.3766266687769486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515756818460548,0.0,0.16070818155969313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710520788481059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624101781152088,0.0,0.1451197376808642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791413428218776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612784264540265,0.0,0.0,0.0997185233961692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816137884173856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236977750152733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228789496410366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338441914202953,0.13454064794641715,0.13994310866732546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379986162793748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28858786690487337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373945034335312,0.13968676171952918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516978127722662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733803797982732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404427797541808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865508997165408,0.0,0.0,0.13209557363899002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684591603277834
suicidewatch,Miserable_Existance,2019/03/04,"how my life got flipped upside down this is my first post so take it easy plz.

at the time i was almost thirteen just starting in year seven. my first day back was pretty good but then it started go to down hill from there as soon as i got home i got a phone call from my dad (my parents are divorced but i see my dad every weekend) i pick up the phone and my dad sounded a little angry which i had no idea why but he asked to talk to my mum so i passed the phone over and then they did some talking yelling cuss words. eventually she hangs up on him and says to me that my stepsister had accused me of sexual assualt which i had no idea what it was. but she said my dad wanted to kill me for ""raping"" his daughter which scared the fuck outta me becasue when my dad gets angry it gets pretty bad. i had the rest of the week off of school (becasue we went to the same school) which eventually ended up in me not seeing my dad for a month or so which i somewhat liked becasue he was a dick to me everytime a came over. it was somewhat calm but gave me really bad anxiety which then gave me some depression. ff to next year and i had just started high school and it was alot different than i had expected which made my anxiety a bit worse and then i started selfharming which someone at school told a teacher and it ended up getting back to my mum which turns out wasn't that bad but even with the help i had got i started to try and kill myself but make it look like an accident e.g. not looking when crossing obviously busy roads and taking a shit ton of painkillers but noting happened so i gave up with that and started cutting very bad almost had to go to the hospital for a few of them. Thanks for reading. ",2.4203030303030317,4.127893,3.6019090909090927,90.13703030303031,76.38636363636364,6.8524242424242425,24.23333333333333,7.675431598112923,1.058489469696969,1344,44,290,19,30,436,174,352,0.21,0.713,0.078,-0.9962,2,0,0,0,2,2,17.0,1,0,2,2,14,17,6,1,20,0,18,5,2,4,1,46,54,32,2,2,13,10,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,22,15,0,0,2,2,0,7,5,12,0,3,28,8,46,5,44,26,10,54,0,1,4,3,34,19,3,8,29,202,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726210794644611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131875888904968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057947405304228,0.0,0.0,0.13255526950957972,0.2878725562013248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410119624905446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801340456656116,0.09858263034945547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558780576774448,0.0,0.07423850736841613,0.0,0.0,0.09005407093542081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268406881944502,0.0,0.0,0.05693012582994447,0.0,0.07262190961614429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663263409791585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968468659218082,0.13509795195260174,0.0,0.09797173190348794,0.07229518599056768,0.2757479028147021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762208041064589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057773820115272274,0.09106837623989457,0.08645930874084612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946043911646847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072111642028874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088115924514584,0.08421977585644781,0.08638873113371978,0.0,0.0,0.14476199884948251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155856286188498,0.05753496394599275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879898887372758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166797762245142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957079033319054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254973830418863,0.17537995985657062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621702507591318,0.0,0.05521789123116325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081989946703282,0.06854468967187265,0.0862949301489688,0.3489305035867,0.13737043846769914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847659424554226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303164216244087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660500662853927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961387067768174,0.1385584619387104,0.0,0.0793555783207713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502602395261065,0.0,0.0,0.0823617739437497,0.0,0.058519864286012614,0.0937539942782646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111882929970974,0.05083927736539682,0.0,0.0691393868851108,0.0,0.0,0.07990242328627417,0.07777640753016077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783874386730417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101183344665734
suicidewatch,throwawayptsd28,2019/03/04,"Being ignored gives me suicidal thoughts I think about how they'd react if they found out I was gone. If they'd regret not listening to me when I cried out for help. I don't want to hurt anyone that way but at the same time I feel like they didn't care enough about me to just talk to me when I tell them it's important. I try my best to keep a level head even when I'm feeling bad but getting those feelings ignored might push me too far. 
I'm hoping that writing this down here will help me calm down because right now I'm feeling a little scared. Something in me is telling me to be reckless. If I wasn't frozen in fear, I probably would impulsively hurt myself. ",4.149560351718627,4.576145330935255,4.695203836930457,88.90852917665869,70.51079136690647,7.616626698641088,27.67466027178257,7.3871296695380915,1.2606924060751392,527,17,116,5,9,168,92,139,0.171,0.606,0.224,0.8584,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,5,1,12,13,0,2,3,0,12,1,1,2,0,28,30,9,1,7,7,0,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,3,7,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,6,5,24,5,16,17,3,19,0,3,0,0,13,11,0,5,6,76,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348779546769715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551833219246878,0.09893994035079633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032963292555628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548129778686632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828499572698495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770499225230953,0.0,0.10720126719666732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263883698788194,0.3282661966411585,0.11595109805598107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795962851405397,0.0,0.0,0.08479793685013365,0.1556982470938585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657229173476762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175799416164943,0.0,0.0,0.1612060063639482,0.0,0.0,0.3475028384921717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426460632399934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929428016547298,0.16267277322924506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721805109658706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499280522926666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860802981323875,0.0,0.0,0.16249614294285444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495072112999935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753589890137633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045503135738845,0.28372436200181395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399882552378052,0.0,0.1288524555531554,0.0946416556833368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019479609753156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095732002652043,0.12883056945116222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529718676088326,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inderjeet670,2019/03/04,"I'm 18,how does assisted suicide work in india? I just want out,i have taken enough crap,i have no reason to live.....i was clinically depressed when i was 16...two years and im still depressed....i just want out .....hit me up if you can explain assisted suicide in india",0.39492063492063423,2.7943505555555603,2.7148677248677267,89.33833333333332,89.74074074074073,5.307936507936508,22.529100529100532,6.868970318607317,0.8679767195767196,206,8,42,3,7,70,37,54,0.258,0.695,0.046,-0.9313,0,0,0,0,1,2,21.0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,9,11,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,5,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781918501304035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147154676638504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733060704802517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857125652400249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335642127626422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27195688369605736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123534768795926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786546750488425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583845570068993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31202574369010283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256398719338896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033360663566113
suicidewatch,thisguyjas,2019/03/04,"I feel like I’m losing my mind I just wish I could tell people how I am feeling face to face. But I am too much of a pussy bitch to tell anybody. I am one of those guys that everybody thinks is always smiling but most of the time I’m faking my smile. I wish I could tell everybody but I am afraid people will think I am out to get attention. I constantly suffer from anxiety about friends and I feel I am that guy in that nobody wants to be around but I am there anyway. I have this horrible pain in my chest from sadness that hurts so much and I just want it to stop.  I hate the feeling of being sad, it hurts so much I can’t stand to live anymore. I go to work, I go to school but it seems I am a ghost to people. Nobody listens what I have to say and nobody cares how I’m feeling or how I am doing ever. I feel horrible, I don’t have a lot of friends anymore and the people I consider friends probably don’t consider me one of their actual friends. I feel like the friends I might have are only friends with me because they feel bad for me... I attempted to take my life December of last year but failed and not a single soul but my mother knows about what happened. I wish I could stop all of this aching and pain I am feeling but there is no light at the end of my tunnel. This world hurts.  😩",2.0050935346242227,3.2460178339350243,3.548613390219888,92.0465630127995,76.43682310469316,6.9136199540531695,23.42123400065639,7.520522993642371,0.7924382671480146,1008,30,233,13,22,334,128,277,0.257,0.5760000000000001,0.16699999999999998,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,4,15,24,2,1,9,0,28,6,3,3,2,54,57,20,1,8,12,1,9,2,6,2,3,2,0,2,13,9,0,2,14,0,0,2,5,15,0,2,0,12,43,9,31,50,7,17,1,8,0,0,16,6,1,5,10,162,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.08358981435269676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127428608732635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552810627807445,0.0,0.1698993621383991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625374649472362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152082012085964,0.05221629843073836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733400080198603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256582609694823,0.0,0.2051727372026076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586752947522707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748253040838503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38980115272426974,0.12238812997049042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970747725583185,0.0,0.04475274960929209,0.0,0.09736278729533443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696296985044129,0.07574705268053253,0.0,0.0,0.08456950339969052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27509585900144323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047075375625321915,0.0698226714372894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060502751586730776,0.08369630671477538,0.0,0.0756375495466363,0.0,0.0,0.095829348733577,0.0,0.07282333591712271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086956099502601,0.08649012302148068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890537343990507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160881034465338,0.06514673980196338,0.18229222126211173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753778132053616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235377046606352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811864923773638,0.0,0.08669043034533798,0.0,0.07797979128376273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322778305537015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440412696668289,0.0,0.22460650227547346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097723263374154,0.0,0.0,0.0499478463360578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104657031584878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955072859691472,0.0,0.0,0.06236001633109535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516091895659953
suicidewatch,bcnpgscb-qfybmu,2019/03/04,"I don’t see any reason in living What’s the point in living? What’s the point in living if I know my life is going to be miserable and depressing anyway, We spend our entire lives working and we only get to stop when we’re too old to do anything... I don’t want that. Why don’t I want that though? Is it because I want to be in control? Am I just a lazy fucking bastard who wants everything to be easy? Am I even happy anymore? Or am I faking it? Am I even me? Have been someone else for so long I’ve forgotten who I am? Why do I want to die? Do I want to grasp onto that last bit of control I think I have? If I want to die so much why haven’t I done it yet? Why am I so scared of a painful death? Why do I want the easy way out? Why do I want everything handed to me? Why am I such a fucking pussy? Why can’t I do anything correctly for once? Why can’t I function as a normal human being? Why am I asking these questions? Why am I thinking these things? Should I be thinking these things? After all I’m only 14. No 14 year old should be thinking these things so why should I? Why do I think so much? Why am I so broken? Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I just die? Why can’t I get the agony of life over and done with?",-1.4604588112617307,0.4627946642335772,1.3302961418143902,99.46856204379564,93.23357664233578,4.0073409801876965,16.222732012513035,5.494401672091744,-0.8223767257559955,934,23,232,6,35,322,112,274,0.191,0.735,0.07400000000000001,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,3,0,0,3,17,9,3,2,8,0,43,6,1,3,2,41,66,15,4,16,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,17,7,0,3,9,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,3,2,37,1,24,53,4,20,0,2,1,2,8,9,3,4,9,156,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035925665936009286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239236835771802,0.0,0.0,0.08694785651674554,0.0,0.04938816830778512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03220418849402463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057675801101071525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185048744587172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550171045316785,0.0,0.16448509926005625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812522203355708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044132015672748486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697863734980913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495895265398437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976794837448843,0.05520215056818805,0.0,0.030024050426722664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623766316512262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02903354538000794,0.043062847036264375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462964917326384,0.0,0.0,0.1865965973100908,0.04675217740899257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767107763440638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035227938301079,0.0,0.0,0.11087071203822177,0.05626137125047919,0.0,0.08035797064920132,0.05621399094677725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988133521325117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918079180500346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054317213789416084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052891242892704415,0.0,0.042098030641717854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476200766138393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044167574700978124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529211427011173,0.16925408325749267,0.05190441838119605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804402653415224,0.041933358032031263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8103922737207355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038460285021560285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034020271159937686
suicidewatch,AcademicArugula,2019/03/04,"This is the new survival of the fittest... Sorry if this is a ramble. I just seriously failed two of my midterms and I just need to vent. 

My suicidal thoughts come and go but they always are at the highest points during the school year. I have no idea why but my anxiety to do well has gone through the roof and it's seriously impacting my grades. I think a huge problem that everyone is going to face is trying to be better than everyone else. Some people at my school are taking 18 STEM credits, volunteering at hospitals, have leadership position in clubs, and are doing research on the side. A lot more people are going to college so it feels like a degree is basically required at this point. Soon at masters won't be enough. And this won't only be education but looks as well. Plastic surgery and the need to look perfect, because it is now attainable, is a starting to become a huge problem. It just feels like doing your best is not going to be good enough. 

​

I mean look at the east Asian countries. They literally study/work day and night. It's crazy and those places have the highest suicide rates in the world. The sad thing is that I don't think that there's any way to stop this... everyone wants a better life.",3.5714145658263305,5.7255890546218495,4.249327731092439,84.78292717086836,74.42016806722688,7.222408963585434,27.299719887955185,8.11559375814309,1.8223282913165264,977,38,187,16,21,311,135,238,0.13699999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.161,0.887,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,2,9,9,16,0,0,18,0,27,2,1,0,1,34,47,14,2,6,8,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,15,9,0,2,7,1,1,6,5,6,2,1,2,5,14,10,23,39,6,32,0,2,3,0,3,17,0,3,10,127,29,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144577726528832,0.11907682982613735,0.13354078231659172,0.07473591031342121,0.0,0.08407335857393393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699414695034292,0.12137614569635573,0.0,0.0,0.11533348835418865,0.19439560667115224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466929825985218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087654256522273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180752198564276,0.0,0.0,0.2271125867960344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150430762312292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111376949421768,0.15702546160173622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24983528421535345,0.09217908057983552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406395812232728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762576728946084,0.10738338104697684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768654878054847,0.0,0.0,0.0934332270663966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971354523793815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297922389487585,0.0,0.1061423060512811,0.0,0.10313390068762804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358406073953438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238193347959034,0.0,0.114822326653692,0.0,0.2077824395455451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210319314077924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244975627476385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230242855798038,0.07778793311995827,0.0,0.0,0.09188149518211283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404259808079479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263127942586118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301281506113201,0.14083923186329578,0.0,0.08724848945364405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461502742720916,0.0,0.10735653442835716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482199029817758,0.08723366995074258,0.0,0.0,0.1976269715734193,0.0,0.09916784414757852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800086605804262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354078231659172,0.07077213095440267
suicidewatch,Wrendys,2019/03/04,"Can someone tell me a convincing reason to keep living? I realised that all the meaning we put in life, has always something to do with the ‘world’ we created and live in. And by that, I mean, nothing really matters if it’s not observed, studied, felt, analysed, debated, or seen by humans. At the end of the day, we are just some other species inhabiting this planet Earth and if there’s nothing there to drive our will to live, then what’s the point? It’s better just to die now and stop wasting time.

I know that ending your life is never the answer but I just simply can’t find a good reason to do the contrary, which is to stay alive, and live.",6.259169435215945,5.657286279069767,6.690166112956812,79.92069767441866,66.05426356589146,9.231893687707641,31.606866002214844,8.418075326091056,2.2805982281284605,506,17,100,6,7,165,88,129,0.055,0.845,0.1,0.7823,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,4,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,9,0,9,2,0,2,2,31,15,10,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,8,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,10,3,14,12,2,16,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,4,8,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551780030293588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341298891873346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728462026251566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655663283543514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26721349134192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483794397191674,0.0,0.13787253700906496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265243270311171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408082585672246,0.0,0.0,0.08290223475104756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130971128111172,0.0,0.0,0.5328069552470069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32863586081488216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634344404036433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894858642065501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260032301805572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164412211079153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663723016096623,0.3101941805353005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781320429531454,0.11613032681680205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078412776473436,0.0,0.12611586350615775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184799010034928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796080811373874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LegalIdea,2019/03/04,"How do I keep going? For context, I have been fighting the urge to commit suicide for 3 years constantly, and occasionally for 5 prior to that.

In my case, I simply don't know how to keep going. The only reason I am still alive is because of my 2 children (my inability to see them being a major reason I am suicidal). I have asked those around me for help, and been told to think of my kids, which makes me more depressed, as since my ex-wife left and moved 1000 miles away, I don't get to see them much, but can't afford to move either. I feel alone,  as my family and friends only really see me if I make the effort to see them, I couldn't get into a relationship if I tried (I have tried, repeatedly) and I work nights so even if I wanted to see friends, they're usually too busy.
I recently read a list of 50 reasons to stay alive and found most of them to be wholly pointless, or more depressing. I don't know how to keep up the fight",5.879846153846158,4.60319024102564,6.96166666666667,79.88250000000005,67.1025641025641,10.056410256410258,29.243589743589745,9.120678840339163,2.074374358974359,727,19,159,11,10,247,112,195,0.097,0.813,0.09,-0.1119,1,1,0,0,3,2,25.0,0,0,4,2,8,6,2,0,7,0,16,0,0,8,1,34,38,17,2,5,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,3,8,1,0,4,5,4,0,0,4,6,29,2,27,31,6,20,0,2,5,0,14,7,0,5,8,105,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763870260893965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111378426356654,0.10618564748796773,0.0,0.1067158468589558,0.0,0.0,0.06923971315865797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274388342077434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565935534070175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502111851517966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070768261818998,0.0,0.057431450874466036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453892319367325,0.17550933444625233,0.0,0.11868583714790955,0.0,0.12910473678248932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613291807731702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028758636422617,0.0,0.0,0.12484552153603425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234092788436057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516363185935056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24144349701392506,0.08349726212054695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065908295815435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277140328485316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361467346071046,0.0,0.07276477790661222,0.3503496108639249,0.11215043396593387,0.12194663969963995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525584562886564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395780563175438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210653629892105,0.09070827803951056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848478120589176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277999989259068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853431841361713,0.0,0.154232073444109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509665852439913,0.0,0.0669947483314608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269045821127184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314433081059983
suicidewatch,Gunslingerzrw82,2019/03/04,"It's a regular day Since I was a child...  I've thought about death, and ending it all.   I've never felt I belong.  Anyone else understand?",-0.2674999999999983,2.021882964285716,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,94.35714285714286,5.6571428571428575,17.714285714285715,7.1686216300943375,0.4979,105,3,22,2,4,36,22,28,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25787685196698584,0.3778840432994886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237848549263153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30808903941153376,0.0,0.3266515359144923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541103903064915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844449544707912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050790951525605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927897706473788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839387448409792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heyuoka,2019/03/04,"why why does anything matter


why am i here


what am i doing anymore


why does everyone get to live on while he takes his life


why did everyone treat him so poorly


i dont understand why


why? 왜? 


why? ",-0.9250871080139368,1.089592170731709,1.6601393728223002,93.59243902439026,102.90243902439023,5.269686411149826,18.052264808362374,6.868970318607317,0.4699240418118471,153,5,33,3,7,52,29,41,0.0,0.89,0.11,0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295156867367504,0.0,0.0,0.10202225712108566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169856838681712,0.0,0.14529976411426426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23693009142900798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477270659133401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756840665007952,0.0,0.0,0.10947369372483247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932150461302116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906411257142014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8949574767404203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SickeningCrunch,2019/03/04,Yeah... What now? So I've been good for the last ten years. Before I've been hospitalized 3 times because of alcoholism and suicide attempts but since then I was ok. I made a living for myself and started a family. I have 4 children who I love with all my heart but my wife left me a week ago. She suspects me on cheating on her which is not true. It all started when she checked my phone records and found out that an uknown woman called me. Since then Iam basically living on Vodka. Yeah fuck it.,1.8919,4.1130883900000015,2.942,91.781,80.1,5.6000000000000005,23.0,6.742157984588678,0.5756999999999994,389,13,82,4,10,124,73,100,0.165,0.7140000000000001,0.12,-0.7198,0,0,2,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,5,3,5,4,1,1,3,14,11,9,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,14,4,8,6,2,16,0,0,0,2,10,5,1,0,11,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431943666329711,0.22221639079835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267535991802934,0.0,0.17693507104769396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123221249471328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960200654826273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279870327692467,0.0,0.19223005934514295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440374666289607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640077482404865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169492575594933,0.0,0.0,0.2259190506729512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36721605806397456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876670175745003,0.19675056839067934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440074919899665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943511021361005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274441857319861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124699537630615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667907475376306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390158287676612
suicidewatch,_flybl0wn_,2019/03/04,"Holy shit I can’t make it stop Holy fuck I’m drunk and I’m full to the brim with anguish and what is going to keep me from killing myself tonight.  I’m so fucking tired people, I’m sick of feeling so empty and also so full of poisonous shit at the same time, I’m so tired of wasting myself for one person I’m so tired of everything. Why can’t I find someone or anything that makes me happy or at least doesn’t make me feel fucking worthless.  I’m never enough for anyone.  Oh my god I wish I were dead holy fuck. I’m so sorry to anyone reading this.",-0.12109243697479145,2.014270462184875,1.90483193277311,96.54531512605044,88.07563025210085,3.736134453781513,19.42436974789916,4.65589566412798,-0.5122873949579829,431,13,96,1,14,143,69,119,0.392,0.542,0.066,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,8,1,2,0,5,12,2,3,1,17,25,12,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,4,1,2,3,2,0,1,4,10,0,1,1,2,10,1,13,24,5,9,0,1,0,4,1,4,6,2,4,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015018464831854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262124552090454,0.0,0.11334782732652884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423216670770043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379133195145407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929040430921938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589135765037987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093515907308094,0.0,0.0,0.07828050097487407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662620078414798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242914773431005,0.15238828843583976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758264479207365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623315158840853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333581286505688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549118836249001,0.12026877078421752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377767195573172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827751224777576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670618502744005,0.0,0.0,0.15418803212698787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151563438409515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031697822993601,0.4749336902692205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124288425389573,0.0,0.15839356445443306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prophetstyx,2019/03/04,"Putting my scrambled thoughts into words I wish I was dead. My parents don't help me with my mental health at all
I see a therapist weekly.. my mom knowingly takes me there.. and she doesn't give a single shit. Right after I leave my session she decides to put all this stress on me about my current issues, like my schoolwork. I have the best life possible right now, why can't I enjoy it and put my mom at ease?
I'm losing friends. I only have a few now that I barely talk to. I'm afraid of people and my social anxiety's spiked. My motivation is completely drained.
After 5 years of dealing with clinical depression I never thought I'd be close to ending my life but here I am with a rope tied to the base of the ceiling fan. Not the best way to go out but it's better than nothing. 
Currently contemplating on whether or not I should go through with it. The only things I want to live for are things that have nothing to do with my success in life.. while everything else is pure shit. Fuck this honestly. ",1.8024958949096863,4.1075160147783265,3.11891625615764,89.91889983579641,80.97044334975371,6.2311986863711,24.44499178981937,7.447530270364453,1.1761927750410508,793,30,163,12,21,257,124,203,0.093,0.718,0.188,0.9703,3,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,5,15,3,2,9,0,14,8,2,1,4,30,27,8,1,3,6,3,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,9,11,0,0,5,0,0,5,6,7,0,0,3,1,29,8,28,22,6,27,0,2,1,1,11,10,3,1,12,110,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028593268038672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477120396274709,0.10438020411567188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374303444864344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167472573836352,0.1016515290886462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859160963885608,0.0,0.1045317963220238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606988882174913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911829244491068,0.10910874321391327,0.0,0.113216736546653,0.13414839156221206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545106908938178,0.0,0.0,0.07910715562835148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318352139179405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648613920960181,0.0,0.0,0.12496746209146065,0.0,0.0,0.25008569606255315,0.05765922092712475,0.0,0.10421492538632986,0.0,0.0,0.13203558930650786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893766040591587,0.0,0.0,0.2764501215542676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102526324367698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22648914351875704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952095667610596,0.0,0.0,0.1310486304806223,0.0,0.0,0.08182107400733113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305122557345314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559318597196276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20157900409959173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404765543387113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229423280246015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203078009006271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351929423273386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873729155207749,0.09486100962634017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703176693074806,0.15681614764129767,0.0,0.0,0.1873913776942752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961199066554782,0.09367977426178004,0.0946695272609028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064958204672376,0.0,0.13571861217513076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600181507412485
suicidewatch,laylalovescandies,2019/03/04,"Regret after I jump I dream a lot about dying by hanging but everytime I jump, I regret it and I wake up very scared. Do people regret it in real life too?",-1.552727272727271,0.20096690909090853,1.9307575757575783,91.01613636363636,107.1818181818182,3.412121212121213,11.56060606060606,5.46131890053228,-0.9611575757575759,120,2,24,1,6,43,25,33,0.366,0.593,0.04,-0.92,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,1,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325049419667378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943521227443989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542930354465845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28891144753749176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743354520713681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172242478029666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438498647368516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pman1995,2019/03/04,No will to live Just like the title says I feel like I have close to no will to live.  It's hard for me to do any chores or even fun activities. I often day dream about ending it all and I feel immediate sweet relief but Im afraid of actually dying and is the only thing stopping me from doing it.  I feel like my fiancee and her boys wouldn't even miss me. I hate feeling this way but I just can't summon the motivation to do something about it. ,1.1508304093567254,2.9969063052631597,3.3077192982456154,90.14847953216378,80.6842105263158,5.906432748538013,18.976608187134506,6.937597516519254,0.07757309941520417,349,8,79,4,9,119,62,95,0.133,0.6920000000000001,0.174,0.2644,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,1,3,0,9,0,0,1,1,18,15,6,1,1,5,0,5,3,1,3,0,1,1,1,6,4,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,7,12,6,10,12,1,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.20193116877613665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071764144100113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334509723832158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475783971354995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327614456050464,0.0,0.0,0.27334702440488834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41851458667906577,0.2956577702755662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536619189996545,0.2042978417473424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351696367869126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30328263978161385,0.0,0.3654411461872677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737751557455054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455687289828305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159302724264775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300046577177708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747328542976806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642492375918355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MisterRueful,2019/03/04,"I've never really felt happy, and I'm worried that I never will I was raised in a very religious family, but early on in my adolescence I realized I was gay. It was jarring and it cut me off emotionally from my family. I had always been a quiet and awkward kid, so I didnt really have anyone else to turn to for support, so I just sorta receded into myself. I've never really been that emotionally open with the few friends I do have. I told myself that when I moved out everything would change and I'd come out of my shell and grow into a stronger person. but I moved into an apartment with a couple friends six months ago and nothing's really gotten better. I started drinking and smoking weed to cope with everything but I still feel miserable and hopeless, I still feel like I've devastated my family by leaving their church, and I havent even told them I'm gay, and I think being so reclusive during my adolescence robbed me of the chance to mature emotionally.",8.263029239766084,6.6884562736842135,9.10122807017544,67.41248538011696,62.57894736842106,12.444444444444445,35.321637426900594,11.429527900616536,4.0578304093567255,772,27,138,19,9,265,107,190,0.109,0.743,0.147,0.8596,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,1,8,10,1,2,7,0,14,3,0,0,3,34,27,17,0,1,4,0,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,5,20,1,0,5,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,11,4,27,6,21,13,1,25,1,2,0,2,8,11,0,1,11,100,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633617539856864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981527225484288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387793252426061,0.12291189396839355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609374749331263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690042936465604,0.10333382319632774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273205203145222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175138856942496,0.0,0.0,0.10021012534515214,0.4048122725000185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923160917331151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562234135560174,0.0,0.3392592410567544,0.0,0.12130947551844926,0.08569853999518226,0.11517919191936632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535963297187827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769829768675975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701897338042206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860577565957295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574991304682852,0.2549942892276951,0.0,0.0,0.2775587011705323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151036358188529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474333517399624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073945341677611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490740583881969,0.0,0.19159839193696845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612774413952675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686470984775598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292514126325504,0.0,0.0,0.1304806501795078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897851455255696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182391227556562,0.0,0.08521523932605718,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RusherFL,2019/03/04,I wanna kill myself Hey everyone. I really wanna die. This isnt a sudden impulse. I've gone to treatment for this before in the past couple of years. But then I was younger. Now I'm also an alcoholic and its getting bad. The stress of money and a job is too much. and right now the only questions for me is the bst way to do it,-0.4505396825396844,1.7305764857142842,2.446190476190477,91.37769841269842,91.28571428571428,4.825396825396826,17.777777777777782,6.42735559955562,0.029158730158730606,254,7,54,3,9,89,52,70,0.207,0.7929999999999999,0.0,-0.9449,1,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,7,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,6,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,9,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698804595203397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195016177670252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085410253738007,0.0,0.0,0.21488657118432772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794224256658705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26208888182530066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130564104416705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319378166945152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505995556850604,0.0,0.2793898131060685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856404559951937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206235793950088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241070861134776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28289421265788595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177879618939536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156613888166569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289275143815269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004485567489448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262266067526118
suicidewatch,First_Bar,2019/03/04,"Those who have been placed on 5150 or sent involuntary. What’s like after? Hey everybody, I would love to know how is life after your hospital visit. My situation wasn’t the greatest, gf called the cops because I was depressed and over reacted to cops that I needed to be placed in a mental health facility and said I was in danger which I was not, I was just sad and depressed. I seemed fine and normal, yeah I was depressed but it was a traumatic experience at my hospital. I felt like I was a prisoner and the staff treated me like a dog. Those who had insurance stayed longer at the hospital and those who didn’t have insurance and had issues were kicked to the curve. It was so sad that people who needed help and didn’t have insurance couldn’t seek treatment. What even made it worse was I couldn’t even call my employer or family members to let them know where I was at!! Overall, it was a negative experience and my life just went downhill because my employer fired me for not calling out. I can’t get a decent job because a involuntary commitment or 5150 shows up on a background check. I feel like I’m out of luck. ",4.989788838612366,5.976470180995477,5.853737556561086,79.33587028657621,68.90950226244344,9.6942383107089,30.117948717948718,9.888512548439397,2.8331192156862746,894,34,175,21,15,294,116,221,0.138,0.715,0.147,-0.6093,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,7,14,1,0,13,1,28,4,0,3,1,35,42,15,0,6,8,0,3,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,16,11,0,0,5,1,1,3,9,6,0,0,23,4,23,8,20,14,1,20,0,5,0,1,16,14,0,5,6,124,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426190626631249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406405776801998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427995815440234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752515776833111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595490067834583,0.12506733499249714,0.0,0.06708079387242953,0.09477785757487166,0.1273818322685101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693134167435369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101960024161855,0.0,0.0,0.0889243873642353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847064890813254,0.13165225766287722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458214370094919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566174924428856,0.1874142917015772,0.2592590192943845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197378120257441,0.12553342019499614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336978747639487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967428914063561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299862138946564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197510417095628,0.0,0.2772190958330208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619739816526926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207757247993364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491240945609156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140615527059147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298432102071592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519975777366325,0.0942433536966638,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WellDeserved101,2019/03/04,"There’s just no point. My latest therapy session ended with my therapist telling me that if I didn’t start improving, I’d be hospitalized. I’m canceling my next appointment because I cannot afford a psychiatric hold (I see a therapist through my university, so that part is free). I’m so tired of experimenting with medications, doctors, and therapists. I really don’t feel bad about my decision anymore. 

I’m a 21 year old woman and I’ve never had a healthy attachment to another person. It’s either obsessive or not at all. I have no close friends right now and I’ve never had any in the past who I wasn’t having sex with or who didn’t want to have sex with me. After the sex is over, they leave and that’s that. I don’t want to do this anymore. My whole life will just be an uphill battle to feel normal and I don’t want that. I really don’t feel like this is unreasonable.",2.5491292134831447,4.530543280898879,4.658862359550561,81.47570926966293,76.86516853932585,8.719662921348316,25.73174157303371,9.354420925462401,2.354762921348315,696,26,141,19,16,240,102,178,0.129,0.7959999999999999,0.075,-0.8476,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,1,7,0,20,7,0,0,3,29,31,10,0,5,7,0,3,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,10,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,13,3,0,0,5,4,18,4,15,23,4,17,0,0,1,3,7,6,0,3,12,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737458005169387,0.1501479244684123,0.0,0.0,0.284013377835977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955824584896267,0.08728771614413057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656173967787198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268244509168751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006797187075815,0.0,0.0,0.2172045472020757,0.10229545821258694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106287726141028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161826659325947,0.0,0.0,0.10113981965700827,0.06995573874814108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442495566891489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22087497654550686,0.0,0.1522849242690237,0.0,0.1402964748508794,0.0,0.0,0.1502545428661492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506156444825772,0.13669171685887946,0.0,0.12502858819929574,0.0,0.0,0.13536148625214842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183463246436308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228406767518125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410444171145614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013511080400252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515497525964278,0.0,0.16375103427305882,0.4987662857803512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457663502462194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337273836349433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598672927910662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922101102689168
suicidewatch,uuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh,2019/03/04,"I need advice I don’t really know what to say right now. I can’t fall asleep, and my medicine isn’t working. I think I’m just typing this so I can put all of my thoughts into words, but maybe I’m doing it so that I don’t grab the knife.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health for a long time now. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve heard about every reason why I shouldn’t harm myself/commit suicide, but all the words just jumble together and fly past me now. 

Tonight’s been pretty rough in the field of staying alive, but despite all odds, I’m still here. The problem is, I don’t know my place in this world. I’ve got an amazing boyfriend, two loving parents, and a sweet little brother, but I still feel unwanted. Everything feels like it’s falling apart around me.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel so empty and exhausted that I feel like I’d be better off not being here. 

I should probably get help, but I have problems about opening up to people because of my trust issues. I just need some reassuring words to help me make it through the night. Thank you all for being here to help. You’re all genuinely amazing.",3.535215854582173,4.651396583690988,4.188770512496845,89.44284271648573,72.43347639484978,6.855743499116385,25.293865185559202,7.048011613610866,0.9174389800555408,896,27,190,8,17,285,131,233,0.123,0.652,0.225,0.9833,1,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,1,0,2,19,15,0,1,9,0,18,4,1,2,5,45,39,12,1,7,10,2,6,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,9,8,0,0,10,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,6,9,24,10,21,28,6,28,0,0,0,1,10,14,0,1,12,114,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134857937831618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330335563059065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196576627388488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193800979377068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887896068811225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325025977615498,0.0,0.1208033482044124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27185663080026923,0.19205190895454133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022618121137644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750378842817106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287663869704126,0.0,0.0,0.2702862058116787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402941211029846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161256379458666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133655592983642,0.13471893391868656,0.0,0.11895286139965693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131459795563612,0.0,0.08972291760897014,0.0,0.1350377254425104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354584959429872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933373065527368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261391770668614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492517199321877,0.0,0.12831412860219876,0.09318629258089596,0.0,0.14043484922447527,0.0,0.12706542542496907,0.0,0.0,0.13674816676035775,0.14492188026268255,0.25723360623592284,0.0,0.1351239918773811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610955783556717,0.13820079323760362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114789498195215,0.0,0.10689203785257953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432682841358062,0.21468765352469135,0.0,0.0,0.14051952549343774,0.0,0.1470279663738424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237510815539955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612757147512866,0.0,0.10671033080909748,0.07837834632591335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130372084498915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128844316824035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785556966767048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dhl55,2019/03/04,"Recommendations Is there a least painful way to off yourself? I’m so tired of my own bullshit. I just don’t want to make my mom sad, but at this point why keep struggling? ",2.570476190476189,4.342568714285719,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,76.14285714285714,5.80952380952381,25.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.5850952380952381,135,5,31,1,3,42,32,35,0.281,0.645,0.07400000000000001,-0.8413,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,6,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29896391544572354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451667319404695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939298205426154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579008100907484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179600859474077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516267328720769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865855973233553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838833013578866,0.26697949312474123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035041490257567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,krisjesswall,2019/03/04,"All of the suicide hotline chatrooms are full Are there any other, maybe more obscure chatrooms where I could talk to someone ASAP? I have been trying for over an hour to talk to someone but I am getting desperate ",5.489666666666667,7.263509300000003,5.835000000000001,76.97666666666667,68.5,8.333333333333334,35.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.4348333333333336,172,9,28,3,3,55,32,40,0.14,0.86,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,5,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021163106066149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468064984858584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150200430055056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044201083469571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105517477806397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238313275422374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381261923688772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.496916548159537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098716206349988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,societyugh,2019/03/04,"Please I want to kill myself some days others I feel fine. Right now I’m close to ending it. Have never kissed a girl, grades are absolute shit, but the only thing keeping me going is my parents. I don’t want them to suffer or be heartbroken if I do. I am at a crossroads and could use some advice, anything helps ",1.9338020833333327,3.934193109375002,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,78.84375,5.516666666666668,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.17440416666666625,245,6,50,2,6,80,53,64,0.244,0.629,0.127,-0.908,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,3,0,8,2,1,1,1,14,15,4,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,2,4,13,2,8,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,4,4,35,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256755378034793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622012032772325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978377500173426,0.0,0.0,0.16945143179201252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327177131382473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285383888954225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932636768892238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611518215938915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354347126985014,0.2906929478869801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026483026716378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998325292782308,0.0,0.0,0.2917517795389129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884196079946235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243862944162316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697081737248145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745588258610249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269308594011613,0.0,0.0,0.3099524516881213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sstaygldn,2019/03/04,"March 12 I turn seventeen on Wednesday, the sixth. 

​

I've had a reoccurring premonition in which I am killed.

​

My last dream placed the date on March 12th. If by then I haven't found a solid reason to live, or true support, I'm going to take my own life. I see no other reason to continue. Thanks for letting me share.",2.2670129870129863,4.758732454545457,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,80.51515151515152,6.195670995670996,23.064935064935064,7.447530270364453,1.0664571428571428,266,9,52,4,7,86,52,66,0.117,0.703,0.181,0.5355,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,6,12,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,7,4,8,9,1,12,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,7,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825694436795725,0.4290391579452297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357074771879945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033369404584196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953191371756632,0.0,0.0,0.1439064502580864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052760815988192,0.12469783857400965,0.0,0.0,0.15589107430890245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445029857628525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630320781049096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068224860757614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033938091203427,0.0,0.0,0.13273868076031084,0.0,0.0,0.16253746180399326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202854526972246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290391579452297,0.0
suicidewatch,blazingdusk,2019/03/05,"I just want to die. I'm at my end.

My friends and family have heard my tired old story so many times I can visibly see their effort to care about my depression. I have no job, no money, no direction, nothing to truly keep me going. Right now, on this night, I just want to die. ",1.5046551724137949,3.0390608448275853,3.5822758620689648,90.04031034482759,78.48275862068967,7.398620689655173,20.220689655172414,8.238735603445708,0.8108993103448272,211,5,48,4,5,72,42,58,0.319,0.5589999999999999,0.121,-0.9383,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,11,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,10,2,7,10,0,9,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,5,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351147341636268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986176938133866,0.0,0.4786582124251239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042454698103501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739162167914672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816300779350192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105677996061602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288375121511199,0.2049701991627684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23379485641471875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640493209514164,0.0,0.2212694278323904,0.0,0.24197865219972825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693337264285185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376042739644213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134466238870404,0.26504378215240343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720307932740068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FSDL,2019/03/05,"Truly believe no one my age can relate to how much I hate myself due to my virginity Searched the word virgin on here and went through the posts. Found a post from a 16 y/o 7 months ago and was reading through it. Was pretty crazy how much they were similar to me, even down to the same medication. Went through their posts to see if they were still active, they unfortunately weren't. They only had two posts, and when I went through the comments, I realized that the account was an alt of mine. I was relating to myself the whole time. Only difference now is that I no longer take meds and I am 17. It is insane how much I wanna die over the fact that I'm a virgin. It is a burden to me and I cannot find any girls that like me. Doesnt help that I'm also extremely awkward around girls. ",3.190316973415136,4.277850644171782,4.330812883435584,88.20619887525568,73.23312883435581,7.396523517382414,24.62627811860941,7.793537801064563,1.0497529652351734,617,18,136,8,12,202,98,163,0.158,0.774,0.067,-0.9224,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,5,0,10,4,1,1,12,0,15,4,0,3,1,17,24,11,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,3,1,1,3,5,3,0,2,12,1,21,1,18,12,5,19,0,0,1,3,9,4,0,1,9,98,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586435911883048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354826127900206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965571417914808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639998978959144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15997257055764053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736178753214488,0.1483479043612754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378215525595007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977504138457052,0.0,0.0,0.15568321109468244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401843825073089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517199002799186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936847565192189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771736606169104,0.14303861327256231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133339749727828,0.0,0.31313395566282337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962151747609558,0.2159775125636123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5439434577823781,0.14445348911735614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202706060281542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314655992890385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339230849217492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675778391504426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827947157629382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870226606685654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39487466556864176,0.0,0.15852524190247982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Samuel_W,2019/03/05,I hope it’s not the end I’ve been very depressed the last few nights so I’ve drank I got arrested about a year ago for narcotics so I get drug tested by the state and if I fail one more test I go to prison I can’t do that I’ve been so sad lately the only thing that has brought me happiness is the gay bars I’ve gone to I’ve finally accepted my self but if I get tested in the morning I’m going to end it all I’m sorry I love all the friends I’ve made and I love all my friends that have accepted me for how I am but I’m sorry I can’t go to prison I’ve been drinking and waiting till midnight see what will happen I told one of my friends after today I won’t drink for the rest of March but I’ll see how that goes let my family know love them and it’s not because they didn’t support me for who I am. ,-0.8870855614973259,0.8439047165775406,1.7495481283422478,99.17255748663105,87.3957219251337,5.023422459893048,18.44090909090909,6.2581,-0.3620543315508025,630,17,163,6,20,217,98,187,0.095,0.6920000000000001,0.213,0.9822,0,0,3,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,6,14,0,0,9,0,15,9,0,3,3,22,39,15,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,10,4,4,1,3,3,0,5,6,3,0,2,10,2,23,11,15,26,6,19,0,3,2,4,11,1,0,3,12,96,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141261650027532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349356099334818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796912186525516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26835022575854595,0.15883775849706408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24262348691976934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911990980243787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004020268701734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31746013924649835,0.0,0.143118778673283,0.0,0.23352380570335385,0.0,0.10954469285664646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111910175780286,0.14580348020481146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603872689957666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527325498323363,0.11164605020979458,0.15450427752770404,0.0,0.0,0.14005761638012287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708530806137228,0.12960109763066285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853386481548906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856242100073777,0.1041692624073678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828927561620068,0.0,0.14288602297444064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066457641242599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554280613564595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099451526894126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982831069335388,0.13087744476315294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301177970802098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820199228524392
suicidewatch,omnim4,2019/03/05,"i’m ready I constantly think of ending it all. I tried once before, and I thought the consequences would be enough for me to stop myself. I can’t stop thinking about suicide. I can’t stop thinking about pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain. I’m languished. 

I want to die now... I’m only 17, but it feels like it’s the right time for me to leave this place.

Is it selfish to end my suffering? ",-0.013776371308015456,2.3311876962025337,1.6154746835443063,95.20608122362871,96.08860759493672,5.164978902953587,20.507383966244728,6.816661863887847,0.5658599156118139,304,11,65,5,12,98,52,79,0.305,0.608,0.087,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,1,13,14,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,10,1,9,11,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384846797841769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758703815846714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890443490503632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306710782431349,0.2882889273784461,0.16815990489733296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228916096477477,0.1162656242963846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232429208701616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950937197783259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733189540109117,0.0,0.12377550626479344,0.5195189823030475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003471100010814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898401471754598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081883010436118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780174786341629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31284279092662043,0.0,0.1292019777145784,0.094898378428069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049370792768824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599168304649608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156099392167806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobmcbob513,2019/03/05,"I’m in so much physical pain. Death would be a blessing I’m screwed - I’m in terrible chronic pain, my doctors say there’s no cure and don’t care to help. I’m f*cked.

I suffer from small fiber neuropathy, mainly brought on by gadolinium poisoning from a contrast injection; doctors told me it was totally safe, yet two months later my tissues were severely thickened, my feet and hands were just about useless, and my life was changed forever.

There’s no cure for SFN. The fda refuses to believe gadolinium is toxic in your system so they don’t know how to get it out. I’m suffering fibrosis from something doctors said was totally safe, and when I call them out on it they say “meh, something else made you ill” or “I dont know what to tell you”.

I’m in pain everyday. I google the highest bridge in the area and the gun laws. Sadly there aren’t any high bridges and my state is very strict on gun laws; plus I’d have to take out to a range to try it even if I bought a gun - II’ve never held one in my hand, much less shot one!

The only thing that gets me thru a day is aderall, which I’m now told is going to eventually screw with my brain and memory.

I’d happily trade places with Luke Perry today so he couple be with his family. My world is full of lies and pain ",3.84066066066066,4.708851806949808,4.783056628056631,86.39861754611755,71.47104247104247,8.68991848991849,27.902402402402394,8.998388855275968,2.001169712569713,994,35,214,19,18,324,155,259,0.219,0.705,0.077,-0.9894,1,0,2,3,0,0,26.0,0,3,3,0,13,16,3,0,10,0,18,17,4,2,3,32,39,16,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,8,15,0,4,2,0,2,2,7,12,0,3,12,6,22,4,32,24,7,31,1,4,0,2,17,18,2,2,9,125,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292672124945083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739015592280107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613085044403625,0.12451938853997215,0.0,0.12433096411711975,0.0,0.1290015466758141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492972475537518,0.0,0.07864437943931164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37444735142321295,0.0,0.0,0.1429185276665046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186932563446703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805434637230434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495880941065192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742236596789025,0.0,0.06930410322667656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173710345373053,0.12884149386749336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403546806340133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861332970829131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538722343231812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733526465558047,0.0,0.17928708170937124,0.0,0.09405143314222494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652660555052375,0.09274459997578688,0.5190319328655848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740647749779474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599753560489355,0.1939509757095904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776303935766274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877583005812656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168739695144004,0.0,0.10658522728240273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101478040235875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558951712358133,0.23304717687149984,0.0,0.08279258999492144,0.0,0.11912245890244652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061732280088437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662616610872356,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_anything_else_,2019/03/05,Can I end it. I've taken 8 benadryl. With some alcohol. I can keep taking 4 at a time until it's over. I'm scared but staying is pointless. ,-2.0729032258064493,-0.2779763548387031,1.6731612903225823,94.10974193548388,102.87096774193549,3.7703225806451615,19.103225806451608,5.6839178017228535,-0.07223096774193527,107,4,24,1,5,39,26,31,0.081,0.919,0.0,-0.2382,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44527516245428495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690307377718045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370340178847076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171421679428629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44409647875969893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313271074654205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295361547955516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arcane9guardian,2019/03/05,"It continues... except.. i quit the job that was absolutely killing me finally and got another one thanks to my parents in which actually isn't that bad however i'm still not all there... there's still pain, a general emptiness, and constant headaches, that all won't quit... didn't mention in my last post but i picked up smoking cigarettes since that other job... they've only for a short time helped alleviate my anxiety.. but of course they don't really work, i am still smoking to this day but am trying to stop... ironic as i still want to die and the cigs were just speeding up the process... one of these days it'll be the end of me.. or either it being by my own hand sans cigarettes... either way it would be my decision.. one of these days.. there's more but i just can't seem to think back anymore and pinpoint the exacts... my head's starting to hurt again... ",2.8827254901960804,4.86584613529412,3.961764705882356,86.84460784313727,75.88235294117645,7.5921568627450995,26.03921568627451,8.447377352677275,1.7525215686274511,673,25,138,13,15,218,107,170,0.11,0.8340000000000001,0.057,-0.8756,4,0,2,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,1,3,11,5,1,0,7,0,14,3,2,1,3,26,21,10,2,2,11,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,4,1,14,1,18,11,6,25,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,18,95,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.1354371683853614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553142745604353,0.10617251913625173,0.0,0.1376405049867268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671948455080084,0.1158822690632702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998063427829586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685205349040462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404013939822152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292506502242515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203558324407734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100152473464137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243663434316234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302674010687988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857553505457724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754515543171273,0.0,0.15354847312090858,0.0,0.0,0.11313082798182865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282139231958676,0.10555460658265216,0.1476803271882232,0.0,0.15410776423762867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329206383755244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952364632260813,0.0,0.0,0.08891121283935159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634747671758145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148069532372504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823493384631883,0.0,0.44334543426561496,0.1160330688693912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777743873865965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892981256952466,0.0,0.0,0.08092845913210922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942280118427845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186081919554684,0.1101635363362564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103939215263934,0.0,0.0,0.0985910865512061,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nick-a-nickname,2019/03/05,"Just looking for a bit of help. Hey there. I've been through. A break-up recently, and I had pretty much my whole life shattered. I was suicidal like I'd never been in my life, but I got myself together, talking my heart out to people who'd listen.

Went to the gym, tidied up free myself, tried to live for myself, something that I hadn't done, for a very long time. Did that. Now I'm looking at suicide no longer with the same ferocity after the break-up, but more as sleeping forever. I'm becoming indifferent towards living or dying. The relationship was all that really mattered to me. Nothing else was as crucial to my existence as that. College is fine, I'm doing decent academically. I have an decent social life.

Earlier I'd think a bit about the physical pain that the act might involve, but I recently read up about charcoal burning/carbon monoxide poisoning as a relatively better way to go about it.

So. I kinda need some advice here. I have a method to end any more pain that I might face that's easily accessible and relatively painless, and I have no real interest in living. Lost my purpose, and I'm indifferent to it all.

I'm just 20. But I think I just want to sleep, and never wake up again. Kinda tired. Just posting here for opinions, to make me want to reconsider.",2.7115662650602417,5.1494251686747,4.691187148594377,79.16897349397594,78.43775100401606,7.518136546184738,26.42586345381526,8.488131031819089,2.219187502008033,1013,41,184,22,25,346,141,249,0.16399999999999998,0.727,0.109,-0.9556,2,0,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,2,13,10,2,0,13,0,17,12,5,1,4,36,35,15,3,3,9,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,2,2,1,3,5,5,0,0,12,3,22,6,34,20,10,23,0,1,2,0,8,8,0,7,11,127,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294776375497682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860137351140925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765391795249484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222503228272226,0.2523765150513812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199583861765158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828299826371627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655595678821252,0.0,0.10237349451576178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568929316772358,0.0,0.09244342463101356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696810180225746,0.0774738046013114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24492209581340696,0.05646871234453709,0.0,0.3061894983502779,0.10228858013492118,0.19412361499002492,0.0,0.12617405523122266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715350215031097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452336215115994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496785271913883,0.0857043876112406,0.1782916703883144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090637446078164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459799579968724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013168782978665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069793000545401,0.11759091500098008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561570518810035,0.13156038189539432,0.07404634326073846,0.0,0.2282513537233705,0.12409441769041113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313358001824379,0.11782376682556618,0.0,0.08898253838748774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25286120474187523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290238368070307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812366668609214,0.0,0.0,0.06739820853963853,0.13284729499170927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847423836512625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536925676104334,0.13634937876082887,0.09174553766474934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714792126435284,0.0,0.12904588431865416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zthrowawaya,2019/03/05,"Life is meaningless to me. I don't know what else to write about the topic other than that I don't feel any motivation to live anymore. I'm tired of dealing with everything that's been going on lately and I can't motivate myself to do anything other than sleep. My life isn't terrible by any means I think, at least compared to most other people. I'm young, have a pretty large group of friends, get relatively good grades in my classes, have a loving boyfriend and mom (who despite her own personal issues, such as being bipolar and having major depression and body issues, does her best to take care of us). I'm not going to go into a whole lot of details but I'd say the worst stuff going on for me is that my family is very poor, I have terrible relations with my dad, and I live in a state where the economy is absolutely terrible and there's nothing to do around here.

Yet all of that has never been enough to keep me going. I can't go a single day without thinking about suicide as I find nothing to have meaning. I can't find any reason to keep going, but I know if I don't I'm going to fail everything -- school, life, etc. I don't enjoy anything I do for long periods of time when I actually find something I like, it's all temporary.

I have no ways of killing myself which is probably the only reason I haven't done it yet.",5.853284313725492,5.308732955882356,7.01288235294118,77.08113725490195,66.86764705882352,10.047450980392156,31.73627450980392,9.558583805096642,2.760238921568628,1052,37,209,19,15,358,145,272,0.132,0.7609999999999999,0.107,-0.871,1,0,1,0,0,3,27.0,1,0,0,4,10,14,1,0,9,0,28,8,2,4,3,37,53,12,2,1,5,2,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,13,10,0,2,14,0,1,8,13,7,0,0,3,2,29,7,38,49,13,28,0,2,0,1,13,8,0,3,11,148,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.09357806836246778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563228129238727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095100427295146,0.0,0.0,0.1578240985534958,0.08536540435739495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063414558238597,0.0,0.0,0.10651588461716956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776965244752217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061843272103073936,0.09886182425420914,0.08259279437820682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391690921634724,0.09813218164300676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010658192084186,0.0,0.0,0.09908345550529052,0.10694642384886856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236550390765318,0.0,0.09039970792209727,0.0,0.048486554651650894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629343301783348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408695764193689,0.0,0.050100312995989216,0.0,0.435987165950167,0.08043078508328806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001754689636492,0.0,0.1704688156234108,0.1060917744069874,0.0,0.10540094514070666,0.0,0.10817186584617172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031969086644289,0.04684864281666299,0.0,0.16935115449305518,0.08486258949427113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152508962493718,0.08654748448112055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891192162091027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230912240115126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395885647476086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840244945378815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293120720495236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066480368784205,0.08373036687538521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755800241650887,0.10338924081993887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718865181227532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625823390672727,0.0,0.09704918093248606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596259435958633,0.0,0.0,0.07382337908469602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097749335480137,0.1048917513017209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209985861057089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288916224849082,0.0,0.0,0.05591617848643852,0.1102152893845568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534788259066785,0.0,0.0,0.07912204936475728,0.0,0.07611567088432743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706149105221996,0.0,0.09243775908536636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chanceywhatever13,2019/03/05,"i hate myself i hate myself so much

all i am is a worthless stupid whore

im disgusting

i have no purpose

i have nothing

im worthless

but i cant die i cant bring myself to do it im too scared of pain or of not succeeding and waking up worse off 

i just have to live the rest of my miserable life HATING MYSELF

because i cant do anything right

i cant fix anything

all i do is hurt everybody andm ake everything worse

im a fuckup a worthless fuckup and i ddeserve to die

why cant i just die

ive begged god to kill me so many times and i think this is m punishment",-1.265335803612782,0.7487253937007878,1.8180176007410864,95.334242704956,94.27559055118108,4.877999073645206,19.28161185734136,6.522977012572876,0.14235006947660978,443,15,104,6,17,156,68,127,0.421,0.482,0.097,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,5,16,7,2,4,0,16,4,1,0,2,11,21,7,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,15,0,0,0,0,21,1,9,21,4,5,0,5,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,67,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043834091806444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164707178109888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170180133152191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037441069251592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396706728861216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433828901549242,0.0,0.5787020410825807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481820263804818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460403456802348,0.0,0.0,0.11826928799581922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579162753232712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845949156750754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285166670870159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251896938142594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438191411348587,0.0,0.0,0.13409482762943833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582175754891433,0.0,0.0,0.07810004764165246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085778322538555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729875601669581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WingzOfAButterfly,2019/03/05,someone please just reassure me that my life isn’t worthless just someone please give me some peace of mind i could give a fuck rn who ,4.334444444444443,5.74472188888889,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,70.85185185185185,6.881481481481483,28.314814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.2347925925925924,109,4,23,1,2,32,22,27,0.183,0.516,0.301,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052643953019076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376723417430646,0.0,0.505890360703915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624446474225054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662408939291925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5788813092080115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468291758053496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nicknackpattycat,2019/03/05,"Just hoping to hear something good Title is basically it. In a really dark place right now, and I just was hoping someone could tell me something good. Anything, really. Just a reminder that life does, in fact, sometimes have some good things in it. 

I know it’s pathetic, but I don’t have anyone else to ask. Thanks if anyone reads. ❤️",1.6898846153846172,4.348466353846156,3.009519230769232,87.9573557692308,85.46153846153845,5.711538461538463,20.43269230769231,7.1686216300943375,0.7551923076923082,263,8,50,4,8,85,48,65,0.036000000000000004,0.759,0.205,0.8462,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,12,3,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,6,5,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,4,1,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570861142818069,0.18836266147959815,0.15128213095527945,0.0,0.17186271507776074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467788311004656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608769378793774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357216708474827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625810889462446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719758300753133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651831071720143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010319699699208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984946163913613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920704660417469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388668069141345,0.0,0.2355412918582559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569957352951015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576443574653334,0.283053303129539,0.18181942625512795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068158133993582,0.1692523475369933,0.0,0.0,0.12213308878600905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PotatoCade,2019/03/05,"Modern Life and Values Like many posts I come here and read, lets me know I am not alone in the way I feel but I wonder how many other people are suffering like for what is just a reaction to modern life and values?

By example, I don't consistently and daily think of suicide because I feel ugly, lonely, or because I have dark urges society shuns but I certainly have felt that way when was young.

I'm in my mid thirties, two young kids (1 year And 4 year), married to a trooper who still scratches my back at night.  But I always feel overwhelmed and I can't pin point it properly or express it.  

I work 50-60 hours a week (salary), so I make ok money for the family. Rather than let someone else raise my kids with their value and be an absent dad like my father, I watch my kids alone for at least 4-5 hours day (wife and I work opposite shifts so I watch them right after work), engaging with them, reading books, going outside, ect. I do tons of chores around the house/yard trying to be a better man than the lazy men I always hear about.

Yet, at the end of most days, sometimes lay at night wishing I didn't wake up. I imagine hiding in a drainage pipe and cutting my throat and withering away for months or weeks before people find me.  I play out ideas of how to do it and not make it look like a suicide so no one has to be hurt by it or ashamed they didn't prevent it. Remembered as hero instead of a coward.

I say all this because I feel like it might just be the modern life eroding me as an individual or person?  

Trying to be a bread winner as a traditional western man, trying to be a perfect husband by always doing chores/honey do lists, trying to be more of a father than any other Dad I know, and trying to always plan ahead.  I've gotten so deep that I can't let it rain without checking the gutters first.

So to those who are out there like me, (suicidal ""family hero's"") many of you don't appear to express yourselves on here, but I'd be curious to see if there are other folks out there or if my jacked up childhood really did heavily damage me somehow? (Long story short, parents cooked meth, Iate dumpster food, showered with a hose, ect until they got arrested and I dropped out of HS and got my GED to work ect after temp foster care.)

Cheers to those who have it all and do it all but still seek death for some reason...",5.482443664717351,5.133156456842105,6.15153216374269,82.29346588693956,67.58947368421053,8.721247563352826,28.96101364522417,8.045849151850463,1.7741235867446394,1827,54,375,20,27,599,247,475,0.125,0.735,0.14,0.3488,3,4,1,0,0,2,58.0,0,1,5,11,24,23,1,2,21,1,34,8,2,5,5,73,57,40,4,4,19,7,6,6,0,1,3,2,2,7,22,24,3,1,14,5,2,3,10,7,0,3,8,12,44,16,61,37,8,57,0,5,4,0,27,21,0,14,35,246,66,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722436752899775,0.0,0.0,0.26869611409839395,0.0,0.0,0.05489933293083002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186703120208293,0.0,0.0,0.07584871985384402,0.06207657293210924,0.0,0.14763721867116955,0.0,0.06869548989482417,0.0,0.0,0.07139933859221179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230986212688399,0.0,0.0,0.06954195515515565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412865491184208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743975812841843,0.0,0.07150303242344119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522105747358005,0.0,0.16327854414853876,0.057673701028987674,0.07751369253071719,0.0,0.07378597865365126,0.06866910262023743,0.0976193290990128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045880856968514516,0.0,0.12913469878099373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098885005060628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900605303953114,0.0,0.08642339378384305,0.09113461672053873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873445947075875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476564263167832,0.17106647224459934,0.2366443104504801,0.0,0.0,0.07144372375418866,0.06779307086489214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077761268564756,0.2455433828840048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564202908772474,0.0,0.0,0.06443810896807345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151972663637878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470490130711126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964137998199938,0.0,0.0,0.11193636986097304,0.07049053342033264,0.0,0.0,0.07631617302815158,0.0,0.07731725595407066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150417753788726,0.0,0.05171786025331658,0.08300413439828001,0.0,0.0,0.09145162678729953,0.06894318558161673,0.0,0.06419992872810368,0.0,0.0,0.06433155070941689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684024720831008,0.0,0.0798442736236637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894255111964256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649173451606411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051728679341428434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740526752929472,0.0,0.07886171588953103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281598168623345,0.1295138611489065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928357941628352,0.07782107244084256,0.08754850374796509,0.23509031072928785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103975258030471
suicidewatch,batteredandbrews,2019/03/05,"I would love to be one of those people who can pull through, but I'm just not I'm a statistic. Not everyone can make it, I'm going to be one of the one's who doesn't. That's my fate, I know it. One day, probably soon, I'm going to pull that trigger.",1.2493103448275846,1.4202747931034525,3.69603448275862,94.38991379310345,76.93103448275863,7.179310344827586,23.12068965517241,7.1686216300943375,0.4593999999999996,190,5,51,2,4,67,35,58,0.0,0.948,0.052000000000000005,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,8,15,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,6,12,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438061430777374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583713556854041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073402620982778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860049393588612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24403953732357825,0.0,0.1804889079269899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7328990701863233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745592129528973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29152854811670226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207887669612064,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DesignerDruqs,2019/03/05,Wow Has anyone else had their SO know they’re on the edge and have had them tell you to just do it? I sure fucking wish I could. What a fresh initiative ,1.054545454545455,2.7125423333333347,1.9303030303030293,100.81545454545456,80.21212121212122,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.6361030303030302,119,2,30,1,3,37,31,33,0.0,0.687,0.313,0.8858,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,1,6,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641796869709784,0.3871200051835865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30165756530578314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156191235084113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34928738892105154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763932953187708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560897440403766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302302808455493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344729696107004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,w_alnutcreek,2019/03/05,"all kinds of relapse. CW ed + self-h

relapsed *hard* into my eating disorder. I’ve been starving myself a good 23 hours a day, and only having something small at night. I don’t want to stop. I hate my body. I want to be small. 

self harmed again. It’s been quite a while. my arm burns, but I guess that’s what I wanted. 

it’s so stupid. life is good. literally earlier today I was thinking about how I’m becoming happier overall, and how I don’t doubt my capabilities anymore. why the fuck am I like this. what the fuck happened ",-0.2616666666666667,2.0286657037037052,2.12027777777778,91.88375000000002,95.66666666666666,4.9222222222222225,19.712962962962962,6.6274283507984215,0.3757296296296295,408,14,87,6,16,138,78,108,0.243,0.621,0.136,-0.9274,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,4,1,5,0,9,6,2,2,1,14,19,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,1,13,4,6,15,1,11,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,2,8,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396012017567875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372715869146326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948415650238336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131252861116961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103567421013965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794887723822668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32432843300650593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29425207513504265,0.0,0.0,0.1932344843404612,0.0,0.15511496007295214,0.0,0.15713338853690145,0.17318159161331695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274404686027342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266308315833496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389765099192382,0.08569672888178616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461090793709074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340761898530815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657069962074116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659828949686779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503960247720034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665106471978312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239599043382577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626868047459775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103850413723077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582807278155732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,issathrowaway12,2019/03/05,"My anxiety is ruining my life and I don’t think that I will never be okay or happy. I’ve had depression since I was a child (22F) and mild anxiety growing up as well (but didn’t know that’s what it was.) I began having severe panic attacks at 15, and had frequent, debilitating, life ruining, panic attacks for years afterwards as well as an addiction to my Xanax prescription (was on it from 15-17, went to rehab and withdrawals were hell and I lost my biggest crutch.) 
I saw psychiatrists, psychologists, etc, but never for a very long time and never had huge success with it. Around 19, I took myself off antidepressants and have been off since. 
My anxiety wasn’t so bad between 19 to now, still shitty but not extreme. 

Recently several stressful life events happened at once (mom got hospitalized and almost died, lost my job and lifestyle/social circle, no money, family issues) over the course of a few weeks my anxiety progressed until I couldn’t eat or sleep at all for days on end and went to the hospital hallucinating and unable to settle down after several doses of Benzos so they knocked me out with Haldol and sent me off to psych for four days because I said I would rather die than keep living this way. 

The thing is, my mom is recovering well (although she has serious ongoing health issues that sometimes consume me), I just got a new job that is so, so good and perfect that I’m in awe that I got it and I cried tears of happiness when I did. Plus, the management there already loves me so far. I met someone I like, I don’t know if I want a serious relationship but we’re on the same page and enjoy spending time together. My family and I got on better terms and I crawled a bit out of my depression cave to clean, organize, and start trying to pick up old hobbies. I should be so full of hope. 

But here I am having anxiety, unhappy, no hope, thinking maybe if I just died instead....but no I can’t do that to the people I love. Plus I would not want to miss out on them. 

I am on a short term Benzo script again waiting for buspar to kick in. I was prescribed Zoloft but fear taking it because I have excess acid in my stomach from stress (says doctor) causing indigestion and I can’t tolerate a lot of foods well plus new meds...I would rather wait for my stomach to heal up (halfway through my PPIs I think) 

But truthfully sometimes I think I’m simply defunct and there’s no hope. I’ve never been normal. I am not calm. I am not just being. I am worry, sadness, fear, rage, despair, agony, self hatred, and a loser. 

I tried a therapist but I don’t think it helped. Maybe I need a psychologist. But again. What if nothing ever helps? ",3.882826923076924,5.408733167307696,5.1376923076923084,81.38230769230772,72.13461538461539,8.200000000000001,27.615384615384606,8.769984970463412,2.123792307692308,2077,76,401,39,40,690,266,520,0.237,0.638,0.125,-0.9958,2,0,0,0,0,0,77.0,0,0,2,7,25,43,4,6,18,1,42,18,3,2,8,88,80,50,3,17,23,2,0,1,0,5,11,2,1,2,17,30,2,3,7,0,2,5,20,23,4,1,27,4,59,20,63,44,10,66,1,10,1,2,16,29,1,10,32,278,76,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343879383789659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745723555497485,0.0,0.07433996530312427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576737131259687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996994912589479,0.0,0.15327691320742962,0.0,0.0,0.05624772737411675,0.08213127628163415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957967974156943,0.073546134470608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920335423814324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399829729534052,0.08689088770136978,0.0,0.11604433234544813,0.0,0.20974556048891452,0.0,0.0,0.06895187126859924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689321516912026,0.0,0.0,0.0596662077875939,0.0,0.07513080557273129,0.0,0.06093632929967537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701318352308122,0.15161077242641927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145913504219032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565033355831896,0.21551471340197764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059571458511908384,0.14342454403734414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160682030569676,0.0,0.0,0.09030790919666397,0.0,0.0,0.20072866933201675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406250316550191,0.13370055710202935,0.059877922897707776,0.0,0.0,0.07404509315560744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274761968124244,0.032911584587241714,0.0,0.05948533949912864,0.059616717251832124,0.0,0.0,0.14707571393238694,0.057272094170874414,0.1216007416676016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535623777873912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779629716443752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049950974358245186,0.2078269947217345,0.13012484612915745,0.0,0.0,0.06600429617318912,0.06463941486853185,0.0,0.07068919842245266,0.07174250372764511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807877916442278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046703045148923164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651571660944626,0.07232578458144316,0.0,0.0,0.06408041433945269,0.053572081597254885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027734408544782,0.2283129360464345,0.0,0.11145156646554874,0.0,0.06741456852520306,0.0,0.05707892342699281,0.0,0.13325323022572158,0.0,0.04768194325384921,0.0,0.05379850886747035,0.0,0.15433486215944164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065078629227607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782170226368579,0.0447549223242628,0.215826799616378,0.0,0.0,0.07856321666578471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484601323951844,0.09147407215929117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055583937203361806,0.07946832725926334,0.05347192981721108,0.05403687570144832,0.0,0.2422802012096681,0.1248977611716346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684133594083926,0.0,0.1435644452601046,0.0,0.0,0.043381442297969926
suicidewatch,softpuppi,2019/03/05,"Hurt, but tell myself it’s fine I grew up in a very abusive home, my dad - the only person that had my back, passed away when I was 16. My mother, during an argument, let it slip that she wished she had aborted me. I knew she grew up with much more abuse than I did, being angry meant it was okay to hurt someone. My ex is also physically and sexually abusive, extremely possessive and I’m in constant worry that someday I won’t be able to hide from him. 

I don’t think there’s a single day where I don’t think about suicide. 

In person I am very happy, friendly, optimistic.
I play the extrovert card very well and constantly fight to make sure people only see me as a positive person. I take everything thrown at me and turn it into a smile if I know anyone is looking. I’ve gone to work bruised and sleepless, I’ve given and given even if it leaves nothing for myself - i.e. money, physical things, my home, but I’ll avoid going in too much detail there, I am currently living at home and no longer in my car. I’ve been expected to give, even if I subconsciously don’t want to.

I thought to myself that by pretending I was happy, it would ultimately make me happy. 
In that, people I care about began to expect me to be the way I always try to be. 

At work I can’t let myself slip for half a second without my coworkers demanding what’s wrong, I can’t say no without them wondering if they did something wrong. It hurts that I refuse to leave my mother, she’s getting old and tired - but despite the constant emotional turmoil, I won’t leave. It hurts ; That I don’t call the cops on my ex for fear of ruining his life for having him arrested. That I don’t look for help for myself and self debilitating habits, that I let my bank account fall negative too many times while trying to help anyone that asks.
This turned into more of a vent than anything, I can’t even pinpoint what I meant to say originally.

My birthday is on saturday

I don’t want to make it to then. All I remember is every year that went wrong, every year that I was raped, beat, forced to play it up for family members that were always condescending toward me. This year I’ll be alone, my mom is getting medical treatment and staying with my brother. There is nobody but me. I pushed away all the friends I had so that they couldn’t see what’s been going on my entire life. My last friend is moving out of state in a month.

I know whatever statistics say that people that say they’re going to kill themselves don’t typically go through with it, I can’t predict the future. 
I just wanted to give myself a chance at, not so much being heard, but knowing that I said my peace somewhere. 

Please, stay kind. 

",5.4084217289719625,5.498288128971968,6.237228387850468,80.12266501168226,67.71028037383178,9.154789719626171,29.242114485981308,8.930421266530582,2.1833282710280373,2099,67,418,33,32,694,253,535,0.206,0.649,0.145,-0.992,1,2,1,0,2,1,62.0,0,0,3,3,19,28,3,3,16,1,46,5,0,4,3,57,88,26,2,12,13,7,0,0,3,3,4,6,3,4,34,16,0,2,11,3,3,13,20,14,1,2,23,10,74,14,64,52,8,61,0,5,4,1,39,24,0,5,20,285,108,2,0.06480784618451302,0.2303601008136473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712138362338077,0.0,0.05182681117932515,0.10785063934765704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906303058193806,0.0,0.05333133542348933,0.0,0.06058658776635757,0.0,0.1217782096683817,0.049833233366283806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617605690597789,0.0,0.06607591840164243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010277494891144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179569936966515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290010405995542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284149135625496,0.0,0.10920681109987697,0.0,0.05824511331659496,0.0,0.06109506963215342,0.07292684461131872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502111435980243,0.0,0.06771884957239872,0.1243391828302312,0.14732716993624062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069674720812515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687866641342377,0.0,0.19502266149557135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775125589131105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071700279721913,0.06748739890110718,0.10685009217422804,0.05282704442838383,0.0,0.20586645478538315,0.0,0.19881124076874498,0.09155139671166312,0.0,0.0,0.05722651551570821,0.0,0.10884453704369136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297792217080064,0.0657049840374171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528708689967845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590216618108285,0.05172900452156003,0.06888048417328736,0.1429236714959142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218487629131751,0.0,0.06800493271749286,0.0,0.0,0.09857857475343493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347888014265173,0.1697631345994751,0.0,0.07113955367964132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341465619247321,0.0,0.06164710256891812,0.20615120192961164,0.0,0.0,0.10328692541785148,0.0,0.06760871763651205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491147776272794,0.04989224621773231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381530821487506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070889264986781,0.0,0.06108062805954799,0.0,0.04872743489478136,0.0,0.05664491408671389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043055453299232785,0.08305250201780037,0.0,0.05145019076383679,0.03778997628108293,0.07448708556979172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800054692106732,0.14098465321447967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041978098682266,0.11467604037906418,0.05144145174432961,0.0,0.0,0.05827003682931438,0.060077522695070634,0.0,0.0,0.07452582474745295,0.12494490209697265,0.07028134466947412,0.09436176776009657,0.06581551364808888,0.0,0.04603763450153273,0.21257161828989007,0.0,0.12520238440237574
suicidewatch,DieForPeace,2019/03/05,"I want death and peace No one asks to be born and you cant choose who you are or what you're given. Why cant we choose to leave it behind? No one knows what comes next but people are so obsessed with keeping people here. 

 We all die, usually its painful and untimely and devastating. Why can't I make amends and decide when it happens? I'm searching for ways out but all I can find are horrible ways that I know will hurt people. Pretty pathetic. ",1.844456654456657,4.017020527472532,3.0060805860805893,91.51947496947498,79.98901098901098,6.242246642246642,21.1001221001221,7.3871296695380915,0.6089843711843708,352,10,75,5,9,113,63,91,0.343,0.59,0.067,-0.987,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,2,24,19,10,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,1,0,8,0,6,16,2,8,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397990216072246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695243626999166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042456287652444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987013709266605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402814112297446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067671624823092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492342602472655,0.0,0.0,0.21631046549870747,0.0,0.0,0.2083810493704732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136443445431986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929729006605707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667113258452106,0.0,0.2094073319342268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093056138834367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021468391642525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674559171059535,0.0,0.11607677247248553,0.31241875827120114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551598224230706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StephenH01,2019/03/05,"How do you stay strong? Ever since me and my now ex-girlfriend split just before Christmas my life has just went down. I've pushed so many people away who are just trying to help, I've had so many nights where I've nearly said ""Fuck it"" and end it all. I've got everything planned out, my notes written. It's just a matter of time <3",3.2661428571428566,4.177259042857145,3.524285714285714,94.7307142857143,72.85714285714286,6.171428571428572,21.142857142857142,5.6839178017228535,-0.13419999999999987,263,5,60,1,5,81,54,70,0.05,0.848,0.102,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,11,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,2,11,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,5,1,6,4,1,13,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,5,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325831302249204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064840781571684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925747901432904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239248384981465,0.0,0.0,0.22248365799380165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288577142767812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798984426507485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592879989963544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748532063465756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019574815696657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323106598227393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162129656536396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354785166216551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204777464510784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638573549724283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443494858154711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807146960151895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294830630640509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SKTT1_Bisu,2019/03/05,"The rope seems so good :)  

My house got burned last week and I lost almost everything in there. I was sleeping when it happened and had to jump from the window but luckily I didnt get any serious injury cause there was no fire in my room only a lot of hot black smoke. But beside this I dont think this is the real problem.

I'm 29yo male living in Brazil with no superior education. I've been working with my dad for 9 years, its a small company thats about to close the doors, so not only I lost my house I'm probably losing my job too. I dont make much(around $400,00 a month) but it pays the bills. If I lose this job I don't have any idea what to do in my life. My computer skills is very decent since I stay on my pc everyday since 9yo and I have some basic knowledge on mouting pcs, programming, etc, but here in Brazil you need a university certification for even get a chance to apply for a job and since I work and dont make a lot of money, I cant afford neither have the time to go to a university.

Now, I'm also in love with my best friend. But the feeling is not mutual and I dont wanna tell her cause she's my friend and dont want to ruin the friendship but at the same time I cant take it cause I love her. I'm currently very disappointed at her cause is carnival here and besides me talking all week about getting a costume and going somewhere she didnt invite me anywhere. I just lost my house and going out with your friend to have some fun would be nice right? But here I am, in my father house doing nothing.

A lot of times in my life I though about ending it cause why am I living? I'm just a failure and thats my own fault, I had a lot of time and opportunity in my life to do something and didn't do anything. I have a serious probem about finishing things. I have a lot of songs on my pc that I start creating but I never finish it. I had this problem with almost everything that requires time and effort. I start creating a website but didnt finish it, I start reading a book but didnt finish it, a lot of others things as well. All I think about is killing myself cause I cant find any reason to keep living.

I'm telling this to you right now cause none of my friends wanted to hear this and I have no one to talk neither do I have money to pay a therapist cause I just got extorted by a guy. I met him in a gay app to have sex(i'm bisexual) and went to his house to have sex, after doing it, when I was about to leave he asked for money and said he's gonna call his cousin to beat me if I didnt give him. So i gave him all my money which wasnt a lot but it was all I had.

All I can think about is killing myself and have no willpower to do anything. The rope is looking pretty good.

EDIT: So the girl I was talking actually invited me and I got pretty happy. But then in her home I tried to spy on her in the shower but she saw me(I actually didnt saw anything if that helps but I dont think so). I have no idea why I did this. I'll never do anything to hurt her cause I love her so much. It was just a stupid impulse. I'm so sad I let her down and now shes very disappointed at me and she has all rights to be like that. I cant believe I did that to the only one of the few things I have good in my life.

Now I'm even more sad. I cant study or do anything cause the only thing I can think is how a piece of shit, useless, who does nothing good I am. I dont think even trying is worth anymore the world would be a way better place without me thats actually the best thing I could do. And there's no point trying to redeem myself since I can't do anything right. I was never so sad in my life.

PS: Sorry for the spelling mistakes cause english is not my native language. I also copypasta this from deppresion\_help since it does not allow crosspost and I only found this community now.",1.2400846976277968,2.854569389024391,3.2674072836618784,91.64387403942536,79.5,6.151687270297361,21.232876712328764,7.0278282436466695,0.3787833277647845,2969,82,683,34,73,1006,300,820,0.141,0.7090000000000001,0.15,0.9326,7,0,2,0,0,3,67.0,0,3,0,15,41,44,4,0,42,0,84,12,2,16,9,120,138,57,2,13,27,3,3,1,4,3,5,3,5,3,38,30,0,2,14,3,8,5,39,23,1,2,35,10,109,21,81,95,27,72,0,13,4,5,50,33,1,16,33,471,147,16,0.0,0.0,0.12007307147912814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214044393397381,0.0,0.0,0.06559876091747982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367405349815614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040675486625331325,0.0,0.0,0.20250924814284246,0.03651171148189412,0.03834313741529863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620943681198377,0.08608463619168014,0.036274102423217235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188051740648603,0.0,0.0,0.4634664918657573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03274684033704252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178434872590518,0.0,0.3364818418303982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03632678359266271,0.0,0.04574214813347848,0.08126931815157666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737225998691395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020738226539412045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037486623823877,0.0,0.0,0.04497041887049218,0.12675118883845035,0.0,0.06428534558111137,0.03934496519056992,0.06992866899424259,0.13760448468929914,0.09840942610252756,0.0,0.0,0.0406109266446493,0.0362690970635365,0.043660830529640635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046226462754186765,0.0,0.027491238305035737,0.0,0.04114101258218415,0.0,0.0,0.2366268501841598,0.04390700389792008,0.09260103766793344,0.0,0.0,0.12210205870684825,0.03645568283519179,0.09075321055196442,0.0,0.0,0.03343239318201633,0.0,0.043428565386322664,0.0,0.04194023245925355,0.14484921143830493,0.02003767384125479,0.0,0.10864999478164716,0.0,0.03444195485034595,0.0917697475415266,0.13431692317646554,0.24408416984958464,0.11105190000489844,0.0,0.05475516078234224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0327374820377019,0.0,0.06030093653950964,0.03041182443191755,0.0948990208433316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870927691079903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558514216496114,0.15596735091566305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042851553168626384,0.0,0.038772077326681344,0.0,0.0,0.08345323644385537,0.04422070228057988,0.07849091315473182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102572372026018,0.046683622016499934,0.0,0.04216986504469001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010506116611174,0.03901430023044758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733817381639178,0.0,0.0,0.04210092273574929,0.16963860643155684,0.0,0.041044244851722936,0.0,0.0,0.03157506179522269,0.0,0.04591251430094348,0.08709108713728364,0.04371613263321968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030837893351423912,0.09889800489398606,0.07169717935198487,0.0,0.0,0.04762114033971386,0.1362414705294853,0.157683091998845,0.04029666040758264,0.0,0.11957978711841485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835387134582008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152408203330716,0.048382976459556436,0.03255549991825963,0.06579891574869891,0.0,0.036877073156140805,0.038020967893935984,0.07401863853403072,0.0,0.0,0.03953663448517786,0.0,0.05971827035264966,0.0,0.0,0.05827122506964341,0.0,0.0,0.026412073512464936
suicidewatch,ccc7669,2019/03/05,"I want to die. I just want to hear from someone. Throwaway for obvious reasons.... I just want to hear from someone. 

​

I have a girlfriend who loves me, and a family who loves me. And a couple of friends. I even promised one of them I wouldn't kill myself. I only live because I don't want to cause them pain. But slowly, my willpower is grinding down. One of these days I think I'll do it. I called the suicide hotline to calm myself down last night. I have been to see a counselor, but I haven't been able to tell him about this and anyways I don't think he can help me. I think this has been going on for too long, and I want it to stop. I don't have any hope to keep going. I can't see past a certain point in my life. I feel alone and isolated where I am. No one around me really cares about me, or makes an effort to reach out, even though I've tried. I feel like I'm incompetent. And I doubt myself like crazy. 

​

My days are alright, but at night I get bad. Sort of like this: 

​

Today, I was content, today I was full of love, today I was glad to be alive. Today I felt connected, I felt like I was going somewhere, I felt understood, today I felt unburdened, today I felt joy. 

Today, I was distrustful, today I was angry, today I was suicidal, today I felt alone, today I was doubtful, today I felt my heart sink and ache and my mind told me to throw it all away. Today. I wanted to escape. I wanted it to be done. ",0.5267545454545477,2.680444396666669,2.4301212121212146,93.83172727272728,85.03333333333333,4.969696969696972,19.090909090909093,6.273863323946077,-0.06169999999999965,1109,30,243,10,33,368,142,300,0.19,0.617,0.193,-0.7328,1,2,0,0,0,3,62.0,0,0,2,1,11,22,2,2,7,1,29,6,1,3,3,50,66,13,4,9,6,0,9,4,2,1,2,2,0,0,10,10,0,2,14,0,0,4,7,6,0,3,21,13,56,16,33,42,2,36,0,0,2,3,17,11,0,5,25,161,66,0,0.05493125647693302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378443061987235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855398032816114,0.20024246743534116,0.03735513807736236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890046436714196,0.0,0.0,0.051609723686467435,0.0,0.04586530467812319,0.03348558409484908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560909545456097,0.0,0.05600607695456608,0.056429531912805884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078039048252998,0.0,0.0708522321563128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057009971696116275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621374710079561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256315366799185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05178429984982102,0.0,0.055549787548640414,0.039242900602904966,0.3691983441244269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243975249120519,0.0,0.02869931430519605,0.0,0.09365609684142992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238230366632409,0.06509380340885366,0.036819263315296884,0.0,0.0,0.054559132172059335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048825424695474816,0.06077329654898232,0.0,0.0,0.04477630560583784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038799570959909366,0.10734654891875922,0.0,0.04850530585640346,0.04861243339625222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873281088962065,0.0,0.03666704024654985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554649099007128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309852611647308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166852306258393,0.04177769584792549,0.05845072983300479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243809990846105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192779272189561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519036949433409,0.05647848044613416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754619887672918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308615070848084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045924990073559865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017175776412957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048012339353975975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559319337048886,0.05396968058736397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6768893065597117,0.05248916959099005,0.0,0.037294717365462235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267991480291256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024246743534116,0.0
suicidewatch,MrProsecutor15,2019/03/05,"What i want to do with my life I have been deep in my thoughts recently and i have decided to dedicate my future to helping prevent suicide and helping people to cope with lost family or friends to suicide, i dont want to go into detail about why i chose to do this but i desperately want to help in any way i can, if any of you need any one to talk to i will be here, anyways i hope you all have a good night and i want you to know that you are loved 💗💗💗",3.416470588235292,2.8653094705882367,5.2694117647058825,87.56235294117648,71.94117647058823,8.760784313725491,28.764705882352942,8.344100000000001,1.6526941176470586,354,12,87,5,6,123,61,102,0.095,0.6509999999999999,0.254,0.9267,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,4,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,1,20,22,6,2,7,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,17,4,18,17,1,9,0,1,0,1,10,4,0,3,3,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589484937779462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620771956218026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658664857468274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593565273830185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999943206525508,0.14757538463641787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35379923055480783,0.0,0.0,0.1747543472639503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669546930366656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427605475536943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206613937235575,0.0,0.15879837923240167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046193074794327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511365667016928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922574694547028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197899080483385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372571657391495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38491332709259535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141894812957168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968168600810038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151106776495371,0.139657960518249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587641431394862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yelirae,2019/03/05,"My life is an endless spiral of horrible events and I just want to die before the inevitable apocalypse tw/ existentialism 

TL;DR - My life is horrible and I feel humanity is a giant social experiment meant to see how much people can suffer until they are pushed to suicide. I just feel absolutely sick and want to die.


Since my 16th birthday (in December) my life has gotten absolutely unbearable. I have struggled with many mental illnesses in the past, one of which being schizoaffective bipolar type (in remission now) and I have emerging BPD. 

I was hospitalized 4 times and met someone who changed my life completely. She was 21 when I met her while I was 14. At the time I met her i was completely insane and she became my favourite person. I loved her a lot and she motivated me through so much. Earlier this year, she resorted to suicide and it’s been eating me alive.

I currently go to a small school with around 50 people because at my previous school, my social anxiety forced me to drop out. The people at my school are absolutely horrible. They are homophobic (i’m bisexual and literally all 50 people at my school are homophobic), transphobic, racist and sexist. They constantly make fun of suicide and mental illnesses and it hurts so much because if they knew how much i’m going through they would think I belong “in the mental”. 

Since December, I have been going through horrible existential dread. I constantly think about how life is pointless, death can come at any time, the apocalypse could happen any second and I think i’m the only one alive when everyone else is watching me be tortured. I honestly believe human existence is a massive torture mechanism.

I just want to kill myself at this point. I’m afraid of not knowing when I die and I want to be in control. It hurts to be a sentient being. I also don’t believe in any form of an afterlife so it feels like making memories is a complete waste of time.

The only thing keeping me going in life is constantly attaching myself to people. I had a crush on a boy and got bored and now I like another boy. All of this is to fill the void in my mind.

I just want to be free of pain. I’m on anxiety medication which work but it hurts so much. I started hallucinating again and I just want everything to stop desperately. 

I also was thinking about voluntary psychiatric hospital admission but I have very important exams (which I haven’t had any motivation to care about) in a couple of months.

[!!!] If anyone could spare any advice to help me cope with my existential thoughts and to help convince me that there won’t be an apocalypse anytime soon, I’d really appreciate it. ",4.187088122605363,6.639963359026371,5.532970926301553,74.90699752084745,73.62474645030427,9.250376380437233,29.81965291863872,9.725611199111238,3.3506836961911213,2108,93,363,60,45,704,226,493,0.155,0.752,0.093,-0.9804,1,0,0,0,0,6,53.0,0,0,5,4,27,20,3,3,21,0,42,14,0,8,2,68,82,36,8,11,10,0,3,2,0,2,12,0,0,5,15,24,1,3,13,0,1,7,4,12,0,3,17,5,62,9,55,54,9,53,0,4,2,1,26,22,0,3,25,253,77,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454018228116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563522664879817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245704919391273,0.06925584324699477,0.10105126392249167,0.0,0.0,0.04618146804051943,0.0,0.0,0.058795667231843575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052304962680787,0.0,0.056200974168910615,0.14882428456500038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318365020294873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733912870149189,0.0,0.0698687717575418,0.0568934821094407,0.2077464837779137,0.2141194272446716,0.07407711801858069,0.10546601346287708,0.07307954350293648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563849657390776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758237936641638,0.0551736381869575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311056118766313,0.059358617734500914,0.0646064575194742,0.0,0.0,0.10018576098749916,0.0471838571457633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014370586964818,0.0,0.052823670677741935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058404979531145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853957448561328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211344132220716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058705442985067476,0.07307101408380659,0.0,0.036297601722060785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990490794970696,0.06453427437138128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056150639438970786,0.05960982830937998,0.0,0.08817352246500812,0.06696110297749751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653521666637408,0.19967896252257686,0.0,0.06668845434845704,0.0,0.05271793684203717,0.0,0.24276003880999114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951006099471484,0.10046315651915616,0.07027846678341472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304915735237301,0.22894272392372,0.05766953047389699,0.0,0.0,0.06243558748313718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231128029828593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673716075116385,0.05263075967871232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926921416290812,0.0,0.0,0.13465281888132755,0.055961251204667856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674827491741911,0.0,0.0,0.055218093916611234,0.0,0.06904647033362414,0.0,0.216733484178724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438785684883654,0.16928052632919768,0.0,0.05243379284571845,0.15404971360064612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449553856355367,0.23373673280253146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048082867233665914,0.0,0.0,0.04691776171716287,0.0,0.0,0.04253198281082928
suicidewatch,darkeststar999,2019/03/05,"I'm repulsive and hideous and life will never get better. Finally manned up, or womanned up, enough to post selfies to Reddit, and got everything I've already known but never been told confirmed: I'm as physically repulsive as a human being can get. My nose is humongous, my face is fat, my eyes ugly, and ""if you put a bunch of golf balls into a sock then it would make the shape of your face"". I look like a man and as an Asian, I'll never be accepted or liked. Whatever I do, whereever I am, I'll be a repulsive chink.

Again: I already knew this, ugly people aren't unaware they're ugly, but people have never been honest enough to tell it to my face. Finally having it done feels... I don't know. I've been crying my eyes out trying to get rid of the anxiety, but deep down, I feel peaceful. Like this what was I needed to actually realise that I'm trash, and like trash should be taken out. That was what I aimed for when I posted those photos, and now, well, here I am.

Fuck it. I don't know. With all these posts here, this is gonna go by unnoticed. But I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have friends or anyone else, so I needed to vent somewhere. Just in case someone would at least understand how I feel and why before I'm done in this life.

As you were.",3.4653350296861767,4.159817908396948,4.904223918575063,85.82675996607297,72.20610687022902,7.959626802374894,24.86089906700594,8.167268648758528,1.2957881255301102,980,27,211,14,18,329,144,262,0.131,0.785,0.083,-0.9303,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,3,0,1,9,10,1,0,8,0,32,10,7,2,5,42,56,24,0,6,9,0,3,4,1,5,3,0,0,4,14,12,1,0,9,2,0,2,9,1,1,0,12,7,23,9,28,35,5,26,0,0,3,1,11,11,1,4,14,140,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.11392764292380075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576651050734595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931067440850805,0.0,0.0,0.163263591004159,0.11962048051552908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993425853493626,0.0,0.0,0.10325270114303757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824043547851702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389441959039643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752663439870976,0.0,0.0,0.24126047344209905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492413406904737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709145898038794,0.0,0.0,0.255779943512392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019797697519764,0.1079301631052008,0.18298552222521616,0.0,0.06634966802442101,0.0,0.09337275893116284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832153358102158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492286607065793,0.2281455705885106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980375704256876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792912676840706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313194866393106,0.3601680752319809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187450433262532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33543233087160024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736237488796156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891884360132966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383633189892107,0.10204149707217863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115561857057597,0.0,0.07926314035228105,0.0,0.0,0.12153711690336726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049690318783422,0.0,0.10534546484983648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658665820909081,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The-Dumbass,2019/03/05,"Are you fucking kidding me I tried to hang myself last night and failed.  Now I just have a neck bruise and despite covering it up with bruise people notice it.  everyone thinks it’s a hickey.  Tried to end it and ended up with a “hickey”, my luck ",1.82938775510204,4.099505000000004,3.1626122448979617,89.8431020408163,80.63265306122447,5.5526530612244915,20.004081632653055,6.742157984588678,0.3409069387755101,191,5,38,2,5,62,35,49,0.069,0.833,0.098,0.101,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,4,0,8,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,5,26,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471392039752384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951411747276721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855479050837927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517725378292266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28985617745351633,0.0,0.0,0.3516537036332701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413349275496069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791320366631654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194086810726937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ameliablackheart,2019/03/05,"I just want to prove a point I want everyone to know how much I'm suffering and how their ""you have to be more positive"" comments don't help. I want to personally call out people by name in my suicide note so they can live with a fraction of the pain that I'm in. ",5.092105263157894,3.891958561403509,6.311228070175438,83.65526315789475,68.64912280701755,10.40701754385965,31.280701754385966,9.725611199111238,2.4414491228070165,206,7,49,4,3,70,44,57,0.212,0.662,0.126,-0.8108,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,1,12,10,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,10,9,2,4,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995041534101212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802720051548887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966007242658961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119650064122987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589997029665133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561793008443428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121044470834031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033454784498615,0.2561085599317986,0.0,0.0,0.2772744682920522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208355149642298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190087169889072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hatter120,2019/03/05,"Tired of it Tired of doctors appointments. 
Tired of my shitty life in my shitty room surrounded by people who really dont care. 
I told my friend I want to die and they asked If I could get them food. I just dont want to do it any more. How to people live like at all.",1.1798275862068976,2.633553879310348,2.971931034482761,94.41617241379312,79.17241379310343,6.708965517241379,16.772413793103446,7.554174236665415,-0.08272137931034518,207,3,50,3,5,69,40,58,0.315,0.569,0.115,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,8,10,3,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,9,3,9,8,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212113516795345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788385184997456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18309464362923067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338069501598188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637656873343855,0.0,0.0,0.1838086080797476,0.0,0.0,0.4209348343259546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171498750071467,0.0,0.13874371819318174,0.0,0.09382358149055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684326423424802,0.0877341316686599,0.0,0.1585731794267545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489974982250708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504409007209974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6192053043204631,0.0,0.17159719664801565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184287461975068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kptelesz,2019/03/05,"Tonight might be the night :( My ex gf has officially given up on me... I’ve been actively trying to work things out with her, and I’m pretty sure she was being legit until I kept fucking up things with her. She unfriended me on my bday today 💔",1.3737999999999992,3.4663047799999984,3.649999999999999,86.705,81.2,6.4,20.0,7.554174236665415,0.7044000000000006,189,5,39,3,5,65,40,50,0.054000000000000006,0.8009999999999999,0.145,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,10,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,9,1,9,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,4,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182407571079229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365180136891302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230422907082681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502119013905296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244384805641805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573903802949368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262956026831597,0.0,0.0,0.2337137373903031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506080039451247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ahhhgodzilla,2019/03/05,"Doubt anyone's gonna read this So, for as long as I can remember I've wanted to die. When I was 7 my friend (also 7) got cancer and she died from it. I remember being sooo jealous that i wish I could get cancer and die. I'm now 27 and still feel the same, basically wishing for cancer so then i can die without causing the extra pain suicide causes.

I'm on anti depressants. I go to therapy semi regularly. My life is generally good, I am married, have pets, own a home, don't love my job but the hours and pay are good. YET every single day I either think about killing myself or just wish I would die. Get hit by a bus or something, something not my fault so my family will get over it faster. 

But no, still here. Have known AMAZING people who genuinely want to live but die. How is that fair? I cant so the mundaneity of it all. All of the good things in life, and i know there are good things, don't make up for all of the shit. And like I said, my life isn't even bad. It's incredibly easy compared to most of the world. Yet here I am, googling ways to kill myself again. Even though I already know the best ways. But I'm still here so. 🤷‍♀️",0.15261687917425704,2.2276047049180328,2.3459198542805098,94.33945658773528,85.96721311475409,5.4180935033394055,18.46326654523376,6.775458762138228,-0.016425440194292932,884,23,205,11,27,298,145,244,0.202,0.5920000000000001,0.206,0.7284,1,0,2,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,0,1,25,18,4,1,10,0,19,9,1,4,3,41,41,24,9,7,10,0,1,1,1,3,7,1,2,0,10,6,0,0,7,1,1,1,7,9,0,0,3,2,24,9,22,32,10,21,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,4,14,134,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864949936337418,0.07148907232570081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250699531950682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746410107020991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381443638211773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836663824639196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137455660901673,0.0,0.0,0.057652317538941934,0.0,0.07699569970981916,0.0,0.5566667794786325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808898180271005,0.0,0.07531906207932654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427355942398954,0.0,0.045200749411952526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906628097472192,0.0,0.14011544289721925,0.0,0.05080518397451722,0.29992081620775896,0.07149727100307328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967037739447965,0.0,0.08803597307782343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887106482289756,0.0,0.1978044323459208,0.0,0.09825820257422277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942679296994624,0.04367383451886394,0.0,0.07893733790595092,0.07911167682955464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068239095088564,0.0,0.05967179249465347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512248052484412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197517047391874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894190953985042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253399917469192,0.0,0.08503502480541134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176258418115103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764112887477795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417265711512048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977835154515047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223086341611147,0.0,0.11878000381982083,0.057280644790562385,0.08783003916753104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545486088680807,0.14191502740019876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30839918302528346,0.08617349726410846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635035748426903,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asdffdsawereasx,2019/03/05,"failed killing myself a year ago, same time of the year and still feel worthless i feel so worthless and just want to stop existing. my shit mental has caused problems between my best friend and i, who is also the love of my life. she said she had strong feelings for me too and wanted to meet in person but complications came up and it seems slim. she also mentioned recently how her feelings have faded for me and she has moved onto someone new but wants to remain best friends. i feel so lead on, hurt and betrayed... i know it's not anything i can control but i still feel the pain of ""losing"" her. i'm probably going to kill myself tonight so she can move on with her life instead of trying to help a sack of shit like me. it doesn't help that the person she likes now is a mutual friend of ours...i hate him so much now when he used to be my friend even though hes done nothing wrong to me. i have so much anger inside and i just want to let it out but can't, because i'm scared of what i'll say or do. i just want to pass away tonight so i can be forgotten like the worthless person i am",3.768136826783116,4.1886438340611365,4.4312489082969435,90.4843114992722,71.35807860262008,7.1547016011644855,25.747016011644828,6.742157984588678,0.8022154876273655,854,24,192,6,15,273,127,229,0.185,0.618,0.197,0.0725,0,0,0,0,1,2,20.0,0,0,0,7,21,27,6,1,8,0,19,6,2,5,0,41,40,24,2,6,9,0,6,3,4,0,3,2,0,3,7,11,0,2,8,0,0,6,3,16,0,0,4,8,32,11,27,33,5,28,0,6,0,1,27,7,2,2,18,132,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026285167957816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286087559742196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379435070581914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566914018043454,0.0,0.0,0.062072354005527165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137207933439295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164621353034671,0.0,0.10460363693631028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142068293406447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420363581337397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672552963310846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30891855443382604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146829194412969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787022042530661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053236845312312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650401559406505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900713671512743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253113797738169,0.0,0.05596105945031896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412426828710687,0.14384582314970187,0.14924152809048288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391755902804608,0.0,0.0,0.09190219153837606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026169385172033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645043769374386,0.14970806135382722,0.0,0.0,0.09834445389776553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770506009601272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835033917278464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667323352132344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097859501036568,0.09743399619164583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054116519886913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686010844540656,0.0809763433436719,0.10194586810462357,0.0,0.0,0.09269881924440344,0.0,0.0,0.20904642235022733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086277074985792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263719443200006,0.0851313279610623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000438012218936,0.0,0.05937572161875688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913335876978635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879452106021038,0.0,0.0,0.30029888522304177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133105013305987,0.0,0.13114556916691136
suicidewatch,Throwsaway500,2019/03/05,Would my boyfriend finally care if I killed myself? My bf is suffering with his own depression and has been pushing me away bc of it. I've been trying my best to understand and empathize what he's been going through but I feel like I keep saying the wrong things. I feel horrible about making him feel worse/guilty. The love is slowly disappearing. I've never been diagnosed with depression but lately I feel like killing myself. I just want him to care or feel something. ANYTHING. ,3.8753333333333337,6.589158977777778,4.043333333333333,83.885,75.8888888888889,7.555555555555558,26.66666666666667,8.515128840125781,2.171666666666668,388,15,69,8,9,120,62,90,0.235,0.569,0.196,-0.7543,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,12,2,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,20,21,6,2,3,5,0,5,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,4,6,15,6,8,16,2,7,0,3,0,1,7,1,0,2,5,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375346468431723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702516097654132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753937681240286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408025705730049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878995263894269,0.16963453859497027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225325049708176,0.2387969686407499,0.0,0.18308394014454546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498445016745444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855379228789098,0.3698115778202192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885311496010532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633036172276986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084233424898838,0.0,0.11156130058408976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890180016118702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329093511747918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286656786161432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103447001956288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347103955570825,0.0,0.0,0.1739893592196268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857824728912463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872513133947465,0.18273161058895293,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Malakam,2019/03/05,"Dialysis is painful and soul crushing. Im 23, Ive been doing hemodialysis for a year now and ive lost all  willpower to continue going. As it stands ive missed many appointments (ten or more)  and need to find a way to get back into it or accept the results of missing.

My problem is theres no way out. Theres no possible way i could afford the medications for transplant. I keep getting rejected from state insurance because im married. Even then they only pay for two years worth of anti rejection meds. 

I experienced an infiltration a few months back and its made me afraid of the needles, like something could always go wrong now. Im not used to panic like that.  Imagine one of your veins turned into a fully inflated balloon animal the moment the machine clicks on.

I have no family support. I come from adoption and foster homes. My husband cant stand the talk he just freaks out. 

Every ounce of survival in me wants to fight but i just dont see a future. Im torn. Im not sure what im even saying i just cant say nothing. Half of me just wants to let myself go",2.4344883720930213,4.528724576744189,4.079709302325587,84.96002906976747,77.65116279069767,6.904651162790699,25.63372093023256,7.908726449838941,1.6032837209302326,844,32,165,14,20,282,139,215,0.156,0.794,0.05,-0.9324,2,1,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,1,1,2,12,17,1,2,12,0,14,3,1,3,2,34,32,10,0,6,9,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,10,0,1,3,0,2,4,8,12,0,4,3,5,18,5,24,26,3,27,1,5,2,0,8,6,0,2,13,103,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552485625932367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806972110198594,0.0,0.06265641738187726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885396610753973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412996253268394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204625535169145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357762561312576,0.0,0.08660029164731133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689598652447497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394308123110694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740121543566873,0.0,0.17524423278484244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310113562364537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6661487515993518,0.0,0.0,0.0913594990579147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510401478891243,0.0,0.10043053384564526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220131643011967,0.0,0.0,0.09725708629127906,0.0,0.104207250866767,0.0,0.0,0.11417029941514822,0.10354447143676156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204152896828305,0.0,0.0,0.07621333162508083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862440572419827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964937080195972,0.07817216927995586,0.10936985045022547,0.1205953494814802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587396949091595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835079127214023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347656369363806,0.0,0.0,0.08190586076503527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912845416653598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663852121461454,0.09687308237798664,0.0,0.0,0.08261420883531623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179991397242386,0.10040542548889923,0.0,0.0,0.0887727219388498,0.0,0.0,0.1212498065736121,0.2447564220007733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237860810109708,0.0,0.13237956979646956
suicidewatch,Throwaway9362746802,2019/03/05,planning to kill myself next time im home alone but want someone to talk to I hate everyone and cant stop thinking about killing myself so id just like someone to talk to since i dont have anyone else to talk to,3.6431884057971047,3.9994749130434784,4.498695652173911,90.1194927536232,71.6086956521739,7.0028985507246375,28.3768115942029,6.42735559955562,1.0998202898550726,170,6,38,1,3,55,32,46,0.277,0.59,0.133,-0.8771,0,1,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,8,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242904628037603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666439352663606,0.2002633939688748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906797095868564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327483991766548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676250313805806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929681180757228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960540205345104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112140720712147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432476759525178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548784223260427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786513134193774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616796901259571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312112317506848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340639734945994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712900890218752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523757606812824,0.0,0.0,0.11396947507013185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528249385420232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwantddeath,2019/03/05,"RIP 6 weeks sober I thought depression was behind me. Whatever I do I make my mom disappointed, aswell as my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with my bitch ass.
I still love you Felicia, please come back
I always turn to alcohol whenever I feel depressed. The only solution would be to end it all. I don't want to be a redditfag browsing reddit and drinking all day when I'm not at work. I have no friends, my family hates me and I'm to selfconcious to go out and do something by myself (unless it's going to the liqour store) ",1.7394082332761585,4.038048669811322,3.5304459691252177,86.91446826758148,81.16981132075472,7.250771869639795,24.730703259005146,8.296473431620573,1.74553962264151,413,16,84,9,11,138,79,106,0.228,0.67,0.102,-0.9277,0,0,3,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,2,0,3,0,8,4,1,1,2,15,20,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,1,1,3,3,6,0,0,2,1,16,2,15,15,2,13,0,4,0,2,5,3,2,0,7,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680384955044006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658809688782634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631878289298274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828129380421271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686748737749094,0.0,0.3655779475313062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789958253742336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796824747142102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006672451507496,0.0,0.10730727338783548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396441189259914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412245742470445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952812690123035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154123539955084,0.0,0.14166175194150107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24855520851155954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614065805721305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329591826941753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338107705876287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948305922832133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848284491322174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083972197218114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517572976638014,0.0,0.1702339934287594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450223650517922,0.0,0.0,0.15075846209194696,0.0,0.0,0.13666586136260986
suicidewatch,chunkybeefbombs,2019/03/05,"It’s time My argon finally came in the mail. Time to fill a trash bag, wrap my head, and end it all. 

Goodbye",-1.337500000000002,0.5902769166666673,1.2966666666666669,100.015,92.33333333333334,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.5115666666666665,82,2,21,1,3,28,21,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788079574708578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707871603274896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585951788556796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296412221955822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882199337588289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarePlease,2019/03/05,"Chat room Are there any chat rooms out there for people in the US who are having suicidal thoughts or self harm thoughts, to talk to others in the same head space? Not a help line chat or anything like that.",7.66,6.275318048780491,5.9318292682926845,89.04701219512198,63.634146341463406,9.175609756097561,30.256097560975608,7.1686216300943375,1.4186975609756094,164,4,36,1,2,47,32,41,0.21,0.738,0.051,-0.8298,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,5,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,1,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230087611669146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690694429788397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203984717179699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925533305807087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525209620183864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643422717674995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256837451747865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414867508315869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25092764372469123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956902424332996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755278480181528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,An0n89,2019/03/05,"I’m killing myself before I turn 32 I’ve already decided that I’m going to kill myself before I turn 32 and I don’t think I’ll change my mind. Why? Because I was born a black guy(if you don’t believe me just ask for proof) and I fucking hate it. 

I don’t know how any other black persons can put up with it, but I fucking hate it. Every time I look in the mirror I’m disgusted with my large lips, dark skin and weird nose. I also never fucking fit in with any other black people due to me being “too white”, so I never had any friends throughout Elementary, Middle and High School. 

As to why I’m waiting until I’m 32? Well because I want to at least travel to China before I kill myself and I have 14 years to do that. 

I just wanted to let someone who wasn’t family know. ",1.225818181818184,2.9263550969697008,3.432121212121213,90.04818181818185,79.84848484848484,5.36969696969697,20.69696969696969,6.079149491110277,0.1344424242424238,601,16,129,4,15,206,95,165,0.202,0.773,0.025,-0.9853,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,1,0,0,7,12,9,0,2,0,11,6,3,1,3,23,32,11,3,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,4,1,0,3,6,10,1,0,3,7,22,2,17,27,1,17,0,0,5,3,5,7,3,0,7,76,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356133564829461,0.09827594780009412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507104341239436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488656549040473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982651664369945,0.0,0.31371375888278863,0.1384561579057561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000246194253784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354103043240716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585076792082905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094945339238627,0.34083245413324914,0.0,0.0,0.06984182960867492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121681484565344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242658987508854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984116729407286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078822979956273,0.0,0.1350754412243764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256644497012479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319755158984596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408495283883578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895623451467595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519719756115979,0.10730374603826573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235394725166896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437232813633575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412520854435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874363835281252,0.0,0.0,0.07165877374774769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26734039977840274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496867936069618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049383451227472,0.0,0.22178016032818385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913782277285651
suicidewatch,packingpests,2019/03/05,"Trapped and nowhere to go I live with my boyfriend and I love him but frankly I’m tired of it. He doesn’t pick up after himself, he does nothing but smoke weed and play video games all day. (He’s disabled, legally, but is fully able to do things. He just refuses.)

I can’t get a job to save my life, no matter what I do, no matter how many articles I read and no matter how hard I try. I don’t have a car. I live across the country from where I was born and even if I wanted to go back the only things that would await me are my horrible memories of horrible abuse, as well as massive, unshakable debt.

I’m trapped here and the worst thing is, I attempted two months ago and ended up in the psych ward where I almost got trapped for real. I’m certain that if I went back they wouldn’t release me.

I tried to get therapy after I got out last time but the therapist who screened me said she wouldn’t take me in because I need weekly services instead of monthly, but the place she recommended won’t take me in without an ID (which I lost after the hospital trip and literally cannot afford a replacement for.) Now the first place won’t even return my calls.

I’m trying to get disability since I have two disabilities, but my horrible excuse of a mother deliberately obfuscated details and kept names of doctors from me so I couldn’t get proof of pre-18 diagnoses. 

Everywhere I’ve gone I’ve been surrounded by awful shitheads as well as my lazy ass making everything worse. I have zero friends aside from my boyfriend and no hobbies (since no money.) There’s nothing I can do to fix my life, but I’m utterly terrified of the psych ward and don’t want to get caught again. Please help me, someone.",5.200473389355738,5.510689405882354,5.856050420168067,81.91460784313726,68.17647058823529,9.299719887955185,31.484593837535016,9.23628265651192,2.5367240896358547,1338,52,275,24,21,436,185,340,0.23,0.665,0.105,-0.9958,3,3,1,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,1,3,17,9,0,0,14,1,23,7,1,4,3,47,50,27,0,9,11,1,1,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,9,13,0,2,0,4,2,7,16,2,2,4,10,3,41,7,37,34,2,37,0,1,1,2,20,12,1,3,18,172,50,7,0.10861759083966198,0.12869408386510706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628294066894393,0.0,0.10876482744743164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704044558388306,0.0,0.06621227522382868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091070442198038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004936038248806,0.0,0.0,0.11024456831993157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117470674580048,0.09505198570481617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620294607494713,0.0,0.0,0.1434817887054003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976184869440002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239006728089448,0.0,0.0,0.08391768124513914,0.0,0.28374104093992936,0.0,0.12345975993508615,0.0,0.17374281960046975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730002672324643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728040815792747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077861989391534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885378335310582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343963322767107,0.0,0.0,0.1918226453558686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856893123442082,0.0,0.09803161644667348,0.0,0.07250308531488985,0.11012118890641573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339504947191145,0.0,0.0,0.08053856731911321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844301568656046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260857232965982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269645287033749,0.11922949749158546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864698430232188,0.12363059779241425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332020206654452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796991871315632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203133224104072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633338213709192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242136812420591,0.12611339466493016,0.21648210294896944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333579069813428,0.1248399423770994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123264300264112,0.0,0.21220720699423545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813093852394564,0.0,0.08712647965949585,0.0,0.19532051722622948,0.10068959490144366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470348154166614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069060452600624,0.07715882014157023,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luke_Earthswimmer,2019/03/05,"I don't know how I feel I don't know what to even type. I feel like nothing I can say means anything different to anyone here. You know how I feel. I'll tell you why, though. I have an extremely strong history of depression and anxiety, and have kind of felt like an emotionally wrecked sack of shit since I was probably about 14 (20 now). I've always avoided it because I don't like the idea of having to rely on a pill to make me feel like I belong/contribute to the society I live in. I get that it really is no different that taking some Tylenol or prescription for the flu or something, but there's just something about the idea of it that has always made me afraid of losing ""me"" in it. Anyways, I guess this is all just a long-winded way of saying I finally got to the point where we all eventually get to. Honestly, this might get removed, but I wouldn't say I'm actively Suicidal. I don't really want to kill myself. I don't really even want to die. I just don't want to feel the way I do. David Foster Wallace said something to that extent, once. I'm rambling, sorry. I'm just not sure what to do with myself. I never feel any better or any worse, really. I just have this static feeling that nothing really matters, (I have trouble making things significant to me/caring about things. There are parts of my life that I know I SHOULD care about but I just don't) and all. I don't know, guys. I came on reddit to rant because I'm lonely, and just typing this makes me feel even worse because I came here out of necessity and not because I wanted to be anonymous or not talk to someone I know personally. I just feel like that option wasn't available, so now maybe some strangers will care about me. Lol...I don't know, guys.",3.4834353146853165,4.664561556818182,4.80875,84.69971153846156,72.63636363636364,8.142657342657342,25.754370629370623,8.617729084823388,1.6726364510489509,1356,43,282,24,26,451,162,352,0.187,0.733,0.081,-0.9892,2,3,3,0,0,2,48.0,1,2,0,3,28,20,2,2,10,0,28,5,1,6,5,72,69,16,3,6,18,0,10,5,0,4,4,4,0,3,19,10,0,1,20,0,0,3,16,8,0,0,8,14,42,12,37,56,7,16,0,3,0,0,12,7,1,9,9,182,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979811269500188,0.0,0.0,0.10608013184778538,0.0,0.05966685175177056,0.0,0.0,0.0545367311658037,0.0,0.06418419702788154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901829498488371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898126850875733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784136657338267,0.15904457414435252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717798151284562,0.0,0.0809477039227899,0.16297878087538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773518617492569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454719158948438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35493483503963885,0.167161424812205,0.07488854859153984,0.08544098491980635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222493290935466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238065720248068,0.0,0.08592156768966626,0.15445692922071966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609635020142622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629119904990343,0.08122100212889233,0.3000525625863201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055090997047591565,0.1905249292467409,0.0,0.0688720415101696,0.06902415048548848,0.0,0.0872577565432901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380185596889999,0.15618913477578186,0.0,0.07835762984167101,0.08496068763696954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274160406269583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015544976262077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496788452920845,0.0,0.0,0.08306336882966348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446224462515108,0.0,0.0,0.06810324169759045,0.0,0.0,0.07373158529216325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409305630978453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498316983864587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419221262812664,0.186077039752276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800619412113241,0.06451923260941579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608589640271323,0.18013577211074774,0.0,0.08731031963118784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531514380697956,0.0,0.07351046124815518,0.0,0.05864340836611458,0.06269036194635981,0.06817208490091081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363437089053497,0.0,0.07663083483500648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840166326637137,0.12381944865772455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037940621930584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896950843437296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vincent_Van_Ghost,2019/03/05,"Lost Everything I Never Had I used to be happy (or was I?).  I used to be married.  I used to be a great, involved dad.  I used to enjoy my work,  or at least not dread it.   I used to like to do things like play a new album or watch a favorite TV show.  I used to not endlessly dread waking up every morning.   After my marriage fell apart,  I fell apart too and now I feel like even the thought of going on living and carrying out even the most basic of tasks is overwhelming.  I don't feel like I'm sad about the dissolution of my marriage anymore,  but the deep sense of sadness and unbearable nature of reality are still with me.   I think a lot about the past and I have had a life filled with nice memories.   Now, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.   And unless something drastic changes,  I plan to do just that.   I love my family and friends.   I'm sorry I am not strong enough to keep going. ",2.6423320463320468,3.7632817621621655,4.170057915057917,88.70141891891895,74.62162162162161,7.231660231660233,24.56563706563707,7.7094869923839395,1.0613474903474902,686,21,152,9,14,229,105,185,0.066,0.743,0.191,0.9624,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,10,18,0,3,10,0,13,5,3,6,1,36,32,12,0,1,11,1,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,4,3,0,6,6,6,0,0,5,3,22,12,27,24,4,21,0,4,1,1,6,8,0,5,11,103,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803982649743306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657848658597346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340243374817162,0.0,0.17054841066875293,0.0,0.108778534073155,0.0,0.11603338619071052,0.0,0.12171094543919828,0.0,0.1305611388219821,0.18446867286060475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974803975124144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201240940936454,0.0,0.0,0.14234133971035218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374372043103609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475656943109484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119235903277646,0.25230137312713885,0.0,0.11400417987153208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409359540271889,0.10976247560243532,0.11652444906856442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995755689045182,0.12469270990780175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324760082502093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292006175104969,0.0,0.0,0.09939316697414208,0.0,0.14452513916558046,0.0,0.0,0.10310531861110324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577320492331462,0.08272679450681487,0.0,0.102496836464821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6690439286869326,0.0,0.0,0.07615087642802762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399170863168227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TA_Processor,2019/03/05,"Ending it as an exit plan Life has been rough. No need to dig deep, no point really. Suicide has never really been a thought that ever crossed my mind but now it seems like the only way to get up and face the day is to just have it in my back pocket.

Just deal with everything for as long as you can, and when you can't, end it. 

It's never been a thought before but after drowning for so long it seems like a very nice life raft. I can just keep treading water I guess but if it's ever too much I feel like I have this option in my back pocket. No kids, no spouse. Three dogs that my 401k will more than care for.",0.947499999999998,2.57890935606061,2.466666666666669,96.97,80.43939393939394,5.3090909090909095,16.303030303030305,5.985473137389443,-0.7075424242424241,473,7,113,3,12,154,83,132,0.08199999999999999,0.787,0.131,0.8723,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,2,0,1,11,5,0,0,6,0,12,4,1,0,4,24,22,11,2,2,7,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,3,1,1,5,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,2,10,5,15,16,2,22,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,5,17,79,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24597018390105266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136098382082742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630709538875637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314899481502668,0.16489259786263194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28332127892935804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893523719808833,0.0,0.0,0.1437450498999086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087119591644397,0.114262194079795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356279914881216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619352408654645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216329748494125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22594273303568,0.2344179205265634,0.0,0.0,0.2830862761965409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149525652607974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757535880814032,0.11859454843624392,0.24671339156587802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164266957445392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119635498313244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492515930912847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912093533291364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494997181144448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25395126964583925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319684354035654,0.0,0.12695406750639118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roarfacelol,2019/03/05,Are there any euthanasia organizations that accept mental illness applicants? Just as the title says...  just curious if there are any out there. Alot of what I've seen only deal with non-curable diseases and other physical ailments. ,6.270384615384613,9.659265717948717,6.366346153846155,66.78490384615384,71.30769230769229,9.028205128205126,32.82692307692308,9.516144504307137,4.132892307692306,189,9,25,5,4,60,34,39,0.065,0.8170000000000001,0.118,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5999540800833122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547758255996489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445456718949211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354919881240118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507966957450362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DankeyKang11,2019/03/05,"I’m almost done playing. Don’t know why people stick around. Two undergraduate degrees. Good degrees, too. 

Tried to make a go of it at the family business. Constant failure. 

I had aspirations for law school, blah blah blah. I just don’t see the point in any of this. I don’t want to play anymore. ",0.6322222222222216,3.1274703448275862,2.3854022988505754,89.4387164750958,95.55172413793105,4.6467432950191565,21.961685823754788,6.42735559955562,0.6225111111111112,232,9,46,3,9,76,45,58,0.13,0.7290000000000001,0.141,0.1585,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,3,3,8,9,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27024373253539496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352622614574898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267646357917396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402485479638716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916421334446416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761787907611187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441686510046463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533778296062996,0.2263607778035465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831783563080406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014559353112547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18709935469455027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551218472433796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731308423550276,0.21505774466656455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322937848818968,0.0,0.2636314929877065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918097740149534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435228274478717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmokingGas,2019/03/05,"Why do I have suicidal thoughts everyday? Suicide always comes around the back of my mind for some reason, but I'd never do it though. I've found myself having these thoughts more frequently everyday and I just don't know why. I try and think of something else and it'll eventually go away. I don't know if this had to do with my acid trip I had back in June where I completely lost who I was, and since then I guess I've never been the same you could say? (never fucking with psychedelics ever again though) My anger has been becoming more uncontrollable, it's especially hard to control my tongue. Back to the main topic, I just don't understand why it feels like I'm having suicidal thoughts forced into my head on the daily?",4.2393706293706295,5.85383377622378,4.663216783216787,84.78405594405596,71.37762237762237,8.276923076923078,26.28671328671329,8.841846274778883,1.85776083916084,582,19,116,11,11,184,89,143,0.203,0.775,0.022,-0.9821,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,11,5,2,1,4,0,17,2,1,2,4,33,32,9,3,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,10,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,10,4,16,1,13,20,5,22,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,3,14,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057255375097364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311187775922706,0.0,0.0,0.11937867732670733,0.29310788041867697,0.0,0.0,0.14032969731756406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109452429007804,0.13322180575731174,0.0,0.1425105337274834,0.10144845176708008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614377065449752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493460860490674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424622812963364,0.09077292482514554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931662788754234,0.0,0.11746652132489152,0.0,0.0,0.07221210891985175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997281992866706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382235201717356,0.0,0.1304019916076364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965960698257773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062075942817285165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387028871806049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829612540104074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939935163111781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064061985764328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104458705167556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510677552569478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781832691662116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169547268183371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141602563018246,0.2496750078882424,0.3026184604775803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626657366758336,0.0,0.0,0.1322757413104223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439603426116097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jerome_Cross,2019/03/05,"My mother's only comment after finding my suicide note. This happened decades ago. I attempted suicide and ended up in a coma for 4 weeks. I lied and convinced everyone that it was a mistake with my prescriptions. 2 weeks later my parents found my suicide note. My father said nothing. My most just looked at me and said ""I had no idea you were this good at writing. """,3.082857142857143,5.599850714285715,4.155714285714286,83.07928571428572,77.57142857142857,5.7142857142857135,31.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,2.116571428571429,290,15,49,3,7,94,52,70,0.253,0.6729999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9395,1,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,8,3,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,12,2,7,2,1,10,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,6,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848886478452338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683488794637825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162356375865435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372391639166998,0.0,0.0,0.2084059990214337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942479980056445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808154331182784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457006906233272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596140349394727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238083943679986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455961229052935,0.0,0.0,0.21105434779587576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616072262552884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237293258305654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049313107495337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lonelyfukingexist,2019/03/05,"Pointless existence I don’t remember a day not thinking at least once about killing my self for years. I’m so sick of this I want to scream

I don’t give a fuck about anything anymore. Drugs and sex have became “meh” to me. Srsly wtf? I’m just floating through life, it’s the only way I don’t focus on imagining killing myself constantly all day. 

To top it off I’m stuck in a relationship I don’t want to be in anymore, yay",0.2382635342185928,2.542233112359554,2.1497242083758934,94.06092951991829,88.66292134831461,5.483554647599592,23.821246169560776,6.980632752743323,0.8862269662921354,333,14,74,5,11,110,62,89,0.277,0.6409999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9663,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,4,1,6,5,0,0,1,9,15,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,8,1,14,13,2,11,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,4,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045254621304955,0.0,0.0,0.16783275380178128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203965518649586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26306062904971683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365162375780416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854768137593975,0.0,0.19564658651571706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451278982554281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440552997830075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719916391069927,0.0,0.1551125012654076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189650364017264,0.2310346032094093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276341895135076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306823653775989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405889583059355,0.16188532383926965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133655095352492
suicidewatch,huajak,2019/03/05,The bridge is screaming my name tonight And if I had my car I would answer it. Instead I'm stuck here panicking with no end in sight. I just want to cut or jump or fucking something to make this stop. I can't do this any more. ,0.3875510204081678,2.2995506122449045,1.7177142857142869,100.20228571428574,83.6938775510204,4.736326530612245,22.044897959183675,5.6839178017228535,-0.12297061224489793,176,6,43,1,5,56,41,49,0.277,0.698,0.025,-0.9001,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,12,10,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,4,7,1,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,3,3,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139666819653228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40892245209485295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268272084655711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081832796296033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554333859867761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38599554157247257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723181550469764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279730530129086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morningdeww,2019/03/05,"Why won’t it just go away I’ve been dealing with these thoughts ever since I can remember.  My childhood wasn’t great. I’m honestly surprised I can function. It just hurts to wake up everyday day disappointed I woke up. 

I put a fake smile on my face and try to go on about my day, wishing something will happen so I won’t cause my kids the pain of knowing I couldn’t handle it anymore.  I do have moments where I do feel some happiness but 98% of the time I feel dead inside.

The pain feels like it’s too much to handle. I’ve been going out driving in the rain a little recklessly in the areas not many cars frequent. Hoping my car will lose control and it looks like an accident. 

People think I’m always happy, it’s all a facade. I just want the pain to go away. ",0.9904328523862382,3.186912911949687,2.826200517943029,91.45874583795784,83.40251572327044,5.502182759896412,21.931557528671846,6.794906146795322,0.5602583055863861,599,20,127,7,17,199,100,159,0.17600000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.161,-0.7684,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,8,15,0,0,10,0,13,5,2,2,2,25,31,4,1,4,5,0,3,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,7,0,0,8,5,7,0,0,5,4,15,8,17,21,3,28,0,3,1,0,2,12,0,2,10,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532110697932955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744776407073764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604267907888625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423739641685304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554446815099426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876301327238298,0.1428840761516623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253659863713931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102315009693924,0.09901140652629203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150641002769013,0.0,0.0,0.15280010457069335,0.0,0.0,0.1225580001578418,0.2950712594564625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376548708738819,0.0,0.0,0.14836748158425062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616750340969311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541981646233078,0.13890735276335128,0.0,0.0,0.11638384877876767,0.15505096134564264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051231479173842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188235699638087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424205818893288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608345939002348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932500399559716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699970759249512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464618662766113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669624395952457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880528226839675,0.0,0.11002796068843576,0.08081513329576316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940960623609356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174618775564553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505930733876985,0.0,0.15937597886127866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guric177,2019/03/05,I should have done it today It would have been faster than every other way. I can’t take the stress and the arguments. I think I have an eating disorder as I skip two meals a day and when they found out they just yelled at me. I hate who I am and what I have done and how I can’t bring myself to do it. What’s the point of living if it’s in misery. I only get small amounts of feeling fine when I’m on sites like this because they are not there. I hate myself and I’m sorry for even making this post.,1.2428828828828848,2.4061916666666683,2.8272072072072088,96.75990990990992,78.27927927927928,5.654054054054054,16.83783783783784,5.82211442006289,-0.7080918918918919,389,5,96,2,9,128,74,111,0.188,0.759,0.053,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,6,5,2,1,5,0,14,2,0,2,0,16,25,10,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,6,2,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,2,17,2,10,19,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,6,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316902467298554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303068255563055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156909856589936,0.0,0.0,0.4135386967721383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674963976699545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345344132517828,0.0,0.1702375256086794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216356288988952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215395905589552,0.0,0.0,0.10556383134132667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39896904084977397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871240184196416,0.0,0.1784156189981788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487127989227354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366965187461554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100445029897772,0.0,0.19350996500682785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261806733233986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23144988493827734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191795936901864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946676399322238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152167200433226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973754460611856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603794739627339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353194463759106,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shlooged-,2019/03/05,4 years 4 long years it’s been since I became suicidal. Everyday for the past 4 hours I have wanted to kill myself. That type of shit fucks a person up even more. I can’t get help because I’m too embarrassed about the way my parents will think of me because of my issues. I honestly wish I could but I just can’t and I’ve accepted that. I’ve become numb to the pain.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve given up. I bought a gun 3 separate times with the intention to shoot myself. I could never do it. My time has finally come. This shit hasn’t gotten better in 4 then it never will. I’m going to kill myself in the summer after my family finishes up the school. I don’t want this cause their grades to suffer. I’m sorry ,0.15111111111110986,2.3040586369426777,2.768354564755839,90.7500973106865,86.8343949044586,6.036659589525832,16.36553432413305,7.3871296695380915,0.2036740268931352,574,12,125,10,18,199,96,157,0.271,0.648,0.081,-0.9874,1,0,0,2,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,1,5,12,5,1,10,0,13,5,2,2,2,16,27,3,3,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,7,9,0,0,4,1,18,3,19,19,1,25,0,1,0,1,4,6,3,0,16,78,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734960353626254,0.1697146229194242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590717061457105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785972855744965,0.0,0.13237167949303005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453833517284217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610454968684876,0.0,0.0,0.10149649795962773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448648471949349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833616960086695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206391628705706,0.08028537208147662,0.0,0.08733326637066081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103000657911164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513323736975787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038983637305046,0.0,0.0,0.34002252974870395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359916568563274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370370145700309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351396215159847,0.0,0.17063052072401258,0.0,0.14669383099631106,0.0,0.13417727868580387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552057732635222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154767124225851,0.1271160496715985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201914031230306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808823693797156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984644758276348,0.0,0.0,0.1792105049530274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127515216809345,0.12197478603913432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671102233156968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791476239785044
suicidewatch,amybroomhouse,2019/03/05,"I think I've hit breaking point I'm done. I don't want to and can't go on living this life anymore.  I'm not even posting this on an alt because I couldn't give a shit if any of my IRL friends see this, which they won't. 
I'm sick of being a burden to everyone, I'm sick of always being taken advantage of with work and by friends because I can't say no., I'm sick of being a shit fucking mother. No matter how hard I try to be a good mother I just can't do it. 
I can't even be a fucking good partner, I've somehow managed to fuck up the best thing that's ever happened to me. 


I think I'm gonna do it soon. I don't think I'm right for this world, I mean I've been alive for 29 years, and it's been a fucking horrible 29 years. Why suffer anymore? Why should I live another 29 years? It's not like it's going to get better. I'm going to be homeless by this Friday. So I think I'll see my son one last time on Saturday, and then I'll find a way of ending it all. 
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suicidewatch,Rebbithole,2019/03/05,"Existential Crisis daily Hello everyone, so I have been depressed for many years now.

It got really bad in November and I almost did it. Luckily I managed to resist the urge and decided to join a gym. I went there for a month. Then it closed for Christmas and I got depressed again. I haven't been in the gym since and I've been feeling terrible again.

I finished high school about half a year ago and I've spent most of my time trying to figure out what to do with my life. I feel like everyone around me is obsessed with money. Don't get me wrong I like to buy things and when I do it is one of the only times I feel happy for a while. But then that feeling disappears. I know that spending my life chasing money won't make me feel any better, I will just end up feeling like I have wasted my life. Although even know I feel like spending time to figure myself out is just wasting my time (the fact that my family makes me feel like it doesn't help either). I think nothing would be good enough. There will always be something more that I will need, so I don't think money will make me feel happy. But that doesn't stop me from trying to get as much of it as I can.

When I think about why I work or even care about getting rich I end up thinking about my purpose in life on a daily basis but I can't answer it. No one will remember me eventually, nothing I do will matter in the end. So why should I spend years suffering if in the end it will all be the same? 

I asked some friend about it, some said that the point of life is to be happy. But I don't believe that. I think happiness is just chemical reactions in the brain and it can be replicated without being happy by using drugs or alcohol. I don't do either of them but if that is the sole purpose of life than it should be a solution to happiness.. But again I don't think that it is true. 

Others have said to me that it is to have a family. Well that's a whole other problem for me... I think I might be gay but I don't really know what to do with that. I'm not sure how my family and friends would react or that I even want them to know at all.

I don't want to die, I just want the pain and my problems to go away. Sometimes I think faking my death would be a good alternative. I could start fresh without any pressure but I don't know what I would do.

​

I tried hinting at my problems for friends and family but no-one thought it is serious enough. Thank you if you spent time reading it. ",1.5179409857328174,3.399827284046694,3.1411138132295733,91.61506890402077,79.6614785992218,6.30667963683528,21.4087224383917,7.333567415737692,0.590997535667964,1920,55,423,26,48,634,202,514,0.109,0.732,0.158,0.9639,0,0,3,0,0,1,48.0,0,2,2,2,26,37,0,2,20,0,62,11,1,6,5,102,109,37,2,17,24,0,9,5,3,15,9,2,0,0,34,17,1,1,28,3,10,3,17,14,1,3,12,11,66,23,57,72,13,47,0,3,0,1,12,18,0,11,31,306,100,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265833759952167,0.06348514263410414,0.059484836699923736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942914567204226,0.06436454633182206,0.07218274019516571,0.08079393730993042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052882431384982886,0.055535011949659235,0.0,0.05581230581281398,0.0,0.04960011850566284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669283162132849,0.0,0.0525382857880787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631485744889386,0.0,0.0,0.06056665432572076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742950869496748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232969232626052,0.0,0.061652296261330786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889014133445287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045835024509785,0.12276106642003215,0.0,0.11770796181346645,0.0,0.0,0.11352673007397428,0.0,0.0,0.22400439088407728,0.0,0.270329441638055,0.16975380707225107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376868703492224,0.0,0.09310890228848502,0.0,0.03376083900974279,0.09965103557876673,0.09502210865652697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794219631429848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398174575868676,0.06276391627214478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323527930530207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517541306335168,0.14510972904547229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189585169603109,0.060226647649173265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301858656394659,0.0,0.0,0.047415954424223264,0.0,0.0436690038562306,0.044047544021883114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400007741792713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050779728637869,0.04517965550415344,0.06321037539825526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056156275224135584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052570918134458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059420386818398875,0.0,0.07611184573726709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729350437512246,0.0,0.11301420674256135,0.0,0.0,0.06012033434697129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913986006549995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04573234096929373,0.0587523827095952,0.0,0.04204667719712203,0.0,0.0,0.04966466408554054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598786025482783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054691508502713634,0.0,0.0,0.039465584737858536,0.3045110716447223,0.0,0.04716038754155608,0.17319565779479534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099488364531392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051306251730072285,0.0,0.0,0.10511460551880172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341160991112879,0.055068391599193287,0.10720630215942616,0.06632279196897553,0.0,0.11452727223660145,0.0,0.043247046032338234,0.0,0.0,0.16879647304358314,0.06494928881736542,0.07218274019516571,0.11476328623630926
suicidewatch,PurpleExcuse872,2019/03/05,"I really don't know... I really don't know what will happen with me.  


My parents know that I'm not feeling great, but I don't think they know how bad it really is. They haven't done anything but supporting me in everything I've done and I love them so much. They would probably never recover from finding me dead on my room. I can't do this to them.   


I really don't know what will happen with me.",1.896071428571432,3.3630412261904787,4.120952380952383,86.8907142857143,77.21428571428572,8.609523809523811,21.523809523809533,9.23628265651192,1.5234238095238102,309,8,69,8,7,107,48,84,0.16,0.73,0.11,-0.5239,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,1,1,17,25,5,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,1,17,3,6,20,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441358532497015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652709174265208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591750643080465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771938907803754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873318157970139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603949784352362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347870364455044,0.0,0.0,0.31037103094176555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822244677434526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838687056450151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900558158185832,0.0,0.13534895783275833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948612388351932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920825257586646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496943853782867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991443419756725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124471147343261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466329232998412,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Final_Procedure,2019/03/05,"no one to talk to who understands so I have a date set for this later in the year. in the meantime, i have no one to talk to who is going through the same situation... talking with non-suicidal people feels awkward... i want to make friends but i don't want to abandon them when I die",0.9695480225988716,3.0155297118644064,2.8450000000000024,92.17959039548029,82.38983050847456,5.967231638418079,25.08757062146893,7.1686216300943375,1.0157435028248585,219,9,49,3,6,73,41,59,0.142,0.73,0.129,-0.4197,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,10,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,0,1,6,1,11,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580143923197983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257029625821823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207283609240786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128885523391052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594683045639258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336924521120864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235250823180662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794442253373062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719352608942458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5994616842001992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25880822959636146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932692179802304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009449420111102
suicidewatch,PoroRican-,2019/03/05,"I think I need help I can’t feel anything but anger or sadness.. I hate myself for putting others first and myself last and know I’m here a broken mess, but I can’t blame them only myself, I’ve become so toxic as a means to not let anyone in that I chose to never talk or interact in any way.I feel like I’m slowly shutting down bit by bit, can’t feel enjoyment in the things I once love if I’m not drunk or high. I don’t know what’s wrong with me because I want to keep going and try to be happy so why do I feel that everyone left in my life would be so much better off when I finally get the courage to hang myself.",2.721666666666668,2.849069282608696,4.4986956521739145,90.1194927536232,73.56521739130434,7.292753623188408,22.57971014492754,6.937597516519254,0.4644579710144932,483,10,115,4,9,165,88,138,0.156,0.632,0.211,0.8258,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,2,0,4,0,9,3,0,0,1,25,27,14,0,4,8,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,8,1,0,3,7,5,0,1,0,4,18,6,15,23,3,17,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,4,6,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110369131286008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348348719221495,0.0,0.1335585456930247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893618434762903,0.17924689353713552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354059610791012,0.35437773513166265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550839950767644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282537348499959,0.11594669626748193,0.0,0.1777910173669681,0.0,0.13805175396091565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479471771215705,0.0,0.09223846731712873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727706882356874,0.0,0.16023701851707287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878584087372856,0.1714781862527929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442591296851783,0.0,0.0,0.1783909691445692,0.13229564141025071,0.0,0.0,0.17633873112532086,0.16596209322749209,0.11463683877292714,0.07929126995982305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648151032232906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767915843356858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930870508881887,0.12034292004679678,0.1251752730086404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284352309391715,0.0,0.12343597789191145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315568566792865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045007896395436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078244840699554,0.10399487747290567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019061283239424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957283684300706,0.12882567872629233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464499296813802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529280979646307,0.1774488735935285,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,petiteluda,2019/03/05,"I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore. I hate waking up early and crying on the way to school, getting there and pretending im ok, then crying on the way back and pretending im ok in front of my family, and then crying alone in my room at night. I have zero motivation to do well in school, I haven't handed in most of my homework, I'm failing math and it's only a matter of time before my parents find out im lying to them. I've put up with it for years but I think I've reached the limit. Last night I locked myself in the bathroom and started planning out what I'd write in the letters I'd leave behind for my family and friends. I'm terrified of my parents being mad at me, or being disappointed in me. I'm disappointed in myself. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyday everything just keeps piling up. I want to drop out of school but my parents won't let me and I'm scared I won't have a good future. This was kind of pointless,,,, I just need help. Do I belong in a mental hospital? I can't do this anymore.",1.2087104072398205,2.885959588235295,3.776513574660637,87.66811877828056,79.81447963800905,6.410950226244345,22.814705882352943,7.365786028017652,0.8869943891402716,803,26,174,11,20,282,104,221,0.194,0.7140000000000001,0.092,-0.9792,3,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,5,12,2,1,8,2,19,2,2,1,0,28,31,13,0,2,5,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,12,0,2,4,2,0,2,7,6,1,1,1,1,26,6,34,25,1,37,0,3,0,0,8,20,0,2,12,115,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166612719776448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42770285600318797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290478943310922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917445157767212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355296470730955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689916806174896,0.0,0.20328096497474135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985429886744394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329931914422893,0.0,0.056330049097823374,0.0,0.0,0.09043197141464564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644718638011888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226761197987419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493833075522456,0.0,0.0,0.09583290182721274,0.0,0.11227504653691653,0.059253526172663835,0.08788542703054522,0.0,0.11416287172507858,0.0,0.11025041549895803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865440204158043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994510480974924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235832035201934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199985662659193,0.0,0.0,0.3591548009598769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083860885705361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079438492277833,0.32735035770743354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631358546927466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908492311816536,0.0,0.0,0.06286908985490552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359339165471736,0.1711605864965823,0.0,0.0,0.09694063192901904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943075677435359
suicidewatch,Fultons01,2019/03/05,"I'm Numb I feel pathetic for saying it but i'm starting to cry just typing this. I've held back a breakdown for a few months now. I'm really struggling. I just feel numb. I think of nothing but how euphoric death would be and how great it would feel to go. I never used to be like this. I was diagnosed depressed alongside my autism a while back and it's never been this bad. It's like something has just clicked. I'm secluding myself almost against my own will even though I don't want to, i'm dragging myself through shit and can't seem to stop myself. I'm being nothing but self destructive and I'm just done with it all. I don't even think I want help. I've just not let this out to anyone because I don't want to talk to anyone about it but feel like I can just vent here.",1.1788253012048209,3.0957745180722926,2.5309487951807235,95.39594126506027,80.92771084337348,5.354819277108434,21.218373493975907,6.322622252153567,0.1107843373493984,614,18,139,5,16,198,86,166,0.236,0.628,0.136,-0.9569,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,16,11,2,1,3,0,16,4,1,3,3,38,37,12,1,5,11,0,4,3,0,3,3,1,0,1,10,6,0,2,7,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,6,15,4,16,26,3,11,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,2,12,90,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978510772504428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918290205166798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003917464323756,0.12489500695822192,0.09118400690622944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430917811358514,0.0,0.0,0.12883505140881746,0.15182292777399053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307466906788872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759545141748786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025333049068101,0.10686165453945892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501109170849727,0.0,0.0,0.16491505939662293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002618903380799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295807853126073,0.0,0.21923512884475232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939519775679533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073424619660002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870565815427294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582627813554306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895388162712675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361741456337928,0.15604700471145375,0.0,0.15354412382691626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515579429358842,0.0,0.0,0.1058751510947522,0.0,0.0,0.12505753521200075,0.0,0.15637594097419522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022861988867925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169264891766896,0.1469638908930423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919111606751654,0.0,0.0,0.2646826213970162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125180071182161,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorthlessBubbless,2019/03/05,"29th birthday on Friday. I don’t think I can make it until then. I should have died when I was 18, that was my first real attempt. Been contemplating since 13. I can’t imagine my life continuing past today, let alone making it to my 30s.

It’s just too hard. There’s too much against me, and I don’t see much worth holding on for. I can’t just live for the very few people in my life anymore.

I really should have died when I was 18. ",0.8316545893719791,2.7151151847826083,2.6336231884057995,94.38770531400968,81.93478260869566,5.393236714975847,18.917874396135264,6.42735559955562,-0.17943140096618349,335,8,78,3,9,111,60,92,0.125,0.852,0.022,-0.8271,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,14,2,0,2,0,11,18,5,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,14,0,8,11,3,11,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,8,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049887178659225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111383272063865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419105275158355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810915463828494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071543966771184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217703370230341,0.3007533306923162,0.0,0.0,0.18799347430460514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28422310370838266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130101180400279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20323592262066267,0.14759716918619098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423253580538753,0.13638837456025027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965271941301974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611202502135878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136416906248038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180309732349708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566374435069082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RinArenna,2019/03/05,"I think this is finally it I dont know who else to talk to.

I'm sorry if I rant a bit, but I cant help it.



I've lost everything that matters most to me.

It was my own fault. I didnt try hard enough. The person I loved more than anything doesn't love me anymore because I couldn't provide for her or stand up on my own.

I'm losing the love of my life. I'm losing my step daughter, my cats, my home.

But I dont want to live without them. I dont want to go on, seeing them everywhere in my memory on everything I do.

I dont have another chance. I was given too many already. I wasted four years of her life. Now I have next to nothing left.

I have my family, but I've done too much to turn them away, all for her. I gave up everything to have her love, but now i dont even have that.

I have nothing. Nothing to live for. No reason to wake up the next day.

I just dont want to live without them. I cant do it.",-1.0176963812886155,0.6769500194174753,1.9239541041482795,97.94644307149164,87.64077669902912,5.2988526037069725,18.101500441306268,6.574015621080383,-0.2501766990291259,688,18,178,8,22,242,99,206,0.225,0.736,0.039,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,3,6,8,0,0,4,0,23,7,1,1,1,19,41,6,0,5,9,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,14,4,0,1,7,2,38,4,27,33,8,19,0,3,1,4,18,9,0,3,7,121,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706473310919354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223248064255114,0.0,0.0,0.08723150341979319,0.0,0.0,0.07238260533766147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264019660448196,0.0,0.0,0.0536188736414383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602823843801828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672615523806216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001240038614035,0.6185224153033038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734782984001642,0.0,0.0,0.09088496270295762,0.0,0.058095963871014275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23715511808760698,0.0,0.08291973711412783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963545760091836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049989018240075116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879381610956587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058956935667651415,0.0,0.08822985728022173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048339861176208775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556750348364056,0.0,0.12425581627894705,0.0,0.0,0.2330077198253695,0.0,0.0,0.19680681684867316,0.09601743060735103,0.0,0.3175450375237044,0.0,0.0,0.08917642677672412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465984538076955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187090382761168,0.0,0.0,0.2531965488670249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680223940280341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043630530451288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009178281112385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984626855271564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706979589581427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563604532693929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059718257631333316,0.09567392632546116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564115367693618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957830636760393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664258923682016
suicidewatch,sayhellotome11,2019/03/05,"F*cking stupid existence F\*ck this life. I just hope there is an afterlife, a place where i will feel peace and be loved. I pray this isn't the end. God, if this is a test, please know that i failed it, just please let me feel happiness and love.",1.5622000000000007,3.701498820000001,1.7620000000000005,100.241,80.8,6.4,18.0,7.554174236665415,-0.012799999999999478,191,4,46,3,5,57,38,50,0.13,0.488,0.382,0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,0,9,12,3,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,9,0,3,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,2,1,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291228868373453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616032504213594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27538071206193737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569379100483818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216946349555393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645284328897874,0.18272066061780826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669563226077231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27027638002729104,0.5679286919166854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,glitchings,2019/03/05,"I am selfish. I feel extremely selfish for being suicidal. 
I’m not an adult by any means, I’m still a teenager. And really, I haven’t been through any significant trauma throughout my life. I’ve been very suicidal since I was twelve or so, just barely making my way through life. I feel terrible for being so suicidal since I am young and my life isn’t tragic, my biggest issue right now is breaking apart from my friends which is just a typical part of growing up. My life is normal, but I am so depressed that I can’t get through the day without breaking down. It’s just been such a long time of feeling suicidal that I can’t think of any other way to live. And I don’t want to live like this, knowing that my life is perfectly fine and I’m a privileged person but every ounce of me wants to be dead. 
I don’t have a plan, but my mental state is at an all time low. I just know that I’m on the brink of snapping and finally ending my life. 
This post is disorganized and probably hard to read. I’m truly sorry as my thoughts are racing and I just need to read out to someone, anyone. Thanks for reading. ",3.256514641098729,4.466715418502208,4.640554547810313,85.57515677636694,73.22907488986785,7.808136823011142,27.890386110391287,8.313332769828598,1.8291536149261467,868,33,181,14,17,289,122,227,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.9333,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,0,0,9,0,24,6,0,1,2,34,43,15,5,4,11,0,4,1,1,0,6,0,0,2,9,8,0,0,8,3,0,1,8,7,0,0,5,4,24,6,26,35,2,26,0,3,0,0,3,10,0,1,10,117,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691959966537905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434685261339077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857261868017653,0.0,0.09157995691410856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417484900770226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958573642465559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128755369064307,0.0,0.0,0.11647688039210652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214857530642218,0.0,0.055551873987286934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524880161121577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097857241036524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168699289975737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450614712352646,0.0519463801041527,0.0,0.18777874690628985,0.0940967350483022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097461554662747,0.0,0.0,0.1158221181697592,0.0,0.0,0.10715338876938987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884069798304583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417864410116234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514261889754986,0.0,0.0,0.09284131198827178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183261686083953,0.0,0.11463932526989006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31906964680194644,0.0,0.06811629542526658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080333899419643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759108686935407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009117881926,0.0,0.0,0.11902523907260112,0.0,0.0,0.08491349856638612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652213131750706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789232975072208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813054497461855,0.0,0.08441237652387644,0.12400116148487725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773155002602008,0.1254297532562793,0.16879607749206932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024961809078628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prettyinsink,2019/03/05,"I'm ready to die. I've been trying to vent in hopes someone would respond but these mods on this site keep deleting my posts from the various subreddits. 

I'm ready to die anyway. It was a waste of time to reach out. Life isn't a great thing for me and honestly there isn't anyone here that would get that. 

I'm ready to blow my brains out. ",2.036249999999999,3.53803679166667,2.8566666666666687,95.955,76.91666666666666,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.15723333333333311,267,6,63,3,6,84,53,72,0.187,0.633,0.179,-0.5634,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,1,0,0,8,12,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,12,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234997135326908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29112715352270724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413163266627594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625166734196992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875211698637687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590226598489882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318015494270463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842032244820427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497641004921031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209659629076941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732568505586617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206836234293286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705884433523705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705145318281192,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Avoider5,2019/03/05,Can someone lie to me and tell me that everything will be okay? Thanks!,0.91,3.4918457142857164,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,91.85714285714286,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.7275428571428577,56,2,12,1,2,17,13,14,0.0,0.7020000000000001,0.298,0.6239,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5074108188348435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478369365401828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4934704493291755,0.5197921957987323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllybrynRibcage,2019/03/05,"I'm completely trapped I work in a fluorescent-lit office full of people I don't like, doing work that whittlesaway at me and I HAVE to do it to fund a house that has become my hell and it's all my fault.

The roof is leaking again causing more damage to this shit hole that I can't afford to pay for. I borrowed money from family to fix the roof last time and it's gone to waste. I can't bare to tell them the little money they had was for nothing.

I'm a drain on everyone. I'm only still around because my friends have kept me going but my depression and anxiety are just getting worse and worse, I can tell I'm affecting them and pulling them down with me and I can't let that happen.

I just want to leave this place and go far far away but I can't. I never will. I'm stuck here forever unless I throw in the towel and jump.",1.3319382022471906,3.011031224719101,3.200435393258428,91.93188904494384,79.4494382022472,6.472471910112362,20.67556179775281,7.413659706084162,0.4833022471910114,650,17,148,9,16,218,105,178,0.184,0.777,0.039,-0.9748,3,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,2,6,7,2,0,7,0,17,1,1,2,2,22,30,12,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,0,0,5,6,6,5,0,0,5,0,23,2,21,23,3,23,1,2,0,0,7,12,2,0,6,97,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465601098136662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669650640887675,0.0,0.0,0.1653780491260713,0.0,0.0,0.1073011087037694,0.194401982804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082262864903145,0.0,0.0,0.18455525585110213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160711099578594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819614303576605,0.0,0.0,0.16593746047837238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599381998298093,0.0,0.09196399965020123,0.0,0.20007421700211334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556552834637428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310524618809786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348106401716504,0.0,0.1863814156660619,0.0,0.1799939700882046,0.0,0.08599524262351227,0.17641984482229747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357586778253998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688974333619933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338723275924828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203118595497235,0.0,0.18390506506515725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806836010016512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057104453836405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077012023771574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263958668639628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382207616636924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562915829810221,0.0,0.3587620134961479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newport1oos,2019/03/05,"suicidal hi. i dont know where to start this so im just going to let it all out. i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder about a year ago. ever since then i've been on zoloft for the anxiety but it made my depression a hundred times worse. i talked to my doctor about it and she told me that i should continue to take it because even though it makes depression worse, it makes my anxiety a little better (because it was crippling before i started it, without going into detail). i dont see any reason to live at this point. there's so much going wrong in my life. it started a few months ago when i had a feeling of being ""unreal"" like I was living in a video game or something. It felt like I was watching a movie about my  life rather than living in it. I told my mom and she thought I was going crazy (she still does). This happens every few weeks and lasts about a day. I became obsessed and have these delusions about my health. Whenever I feel any type of pain or abnormality in my body, I immediately think I have cancer or something fatal. This isn't to be confused with a hypochondriac, however. in the last few months ive had my parents take me to the doctor atleast 15 times just for them to tell me nothing is wrong with me. they finally are done with ""my bullshit"" and refuse to take me again. recently I've ACTUALLY been having some health problems that I need to talk to a doctor about but my parents won't take me. Its come to a point where i cry every. single. night. to my parents about how im going to die soon due to my cancer that no one will take me to the doctor for. when i see ads on tv for cancer research hospitals or commercials for these places i instantly think its somebody trying to tell me i have it. i also cant seem to wrap my head around the point in living if were just gonna die. I've had times where i've driven to the store to buy clothes, gotten out of my car, stepped one foot inside, said ""theres no point in this shit, im going to die one day. probably soon because I have cancer"" and i leave. its so crippling that i can't think of anything else. nothing makes me happy anymore. i only have two friends and neither of them know how to help me, my parents think im schizophrenic (but won't take me to a doctor?) and im probably gonna flunk this year of school due to not being able to get out of bed in the morning. (im a senior in hs) i feel like nothing is worth it anymore. why would i wake up and go through this bullshit just to die one day? i think i should just end it so im in control of my own life and cancer or somebody doesn't do it for me. (im 17 & female btw)",3.0639898004434585,4.198054267272728,4.445343680709534,87.08460088691797,73.6,7.3294900221729495,25.778270509977823,7.765008861874849,1.2875631929046558,2077,68,443,27,41,690,232,550,0.245,0.7140000000000001,0.041,-0.9992,5,0,2,0,0,1,59.0,0,0,3,3,35,18,1,2,20,0,39,24,5,8,2,70,85,31,6,7,17,5,4,3,1,8,19,1,1,0,31,21,0,2,14,3,3,11,13,12,0,5,20,8,65,6,73,53,10,73,0,4,3,0,23,28,1,9,37,292,96,9,0.05142131338411583,0.0,0.05017978424926551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116378346101428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041121605735268615,0.0,0.0557149715680917,0.0,0.06993651282633888,0.0,0.11801149197757373,0.0,0.1019922511159118,0.0,0.0,0.04231535953527769,0.04577587086338554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403786609074503,0.0,0.04375575033119412,0.0,0.0,0.04547797297954197,0.0,0.0571174870644474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044294908326162924,0.0,0.0,0.05767337540331191,0.0,0.0,0.056483898193591765,0.09948747946090966,0.0,0.13286730560805107,0.052191550674734265,0.2134688196572812,0.0,0.11786656014373033,0.2631594657812783,0.0449991378645557,0.05262185669063061,0.12053079264045012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295590909361181,0.0,0.04554402100390434,0.0,0.0,0.03396329252425187,0.046513521881682215,0.08664934861835677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800048325380607,0.03673539655607658,0.04937252478751958,0.056329535358357614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039727979164484915,0.0,0.026865513906757826,0.0,0.20456742180577486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045471697604078286,0.05473894427282839,0.0,0.0,0.052773102581373334,0.10931690311659308,0.0,0.0,0.034466622446606546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443507391721928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651961810477633,0.08383046703865543,0.0,0.05444774622225599,0.0,0.052581776835829805,0.10896118305631013,0.07536556898583932,0.05153766487461725,0.18162384720122976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865609003939359,0.10297237793081876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022402075542802,0.08208800351051107,0.0,0.03780058194947429,0.03812825231722584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048255419235693486,0.0,0.1480204110976508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937765097250868,0.039108225961744764,0.05471590291285907,0.0,0.2283891328435867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372432801774485,0.0,0.19443904794125974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088174587969392,0.049203252308535984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052869674366521485,0.05077234345334505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489134443905743,0.0,0.0,0.052041114397626334,0.0819522584545069,0.04681203245543191,0.0,0.0,0.05278323924466588,0.0425362418045312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917327852233294,0.0,0.0,0.1091888108319741,0.0,0.04106512729217327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624657082533912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319745692206711,0.08266100778684035,0.08988898876769913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474350657454714,0.05052117931962555,0.0408227790105454,0.08995254406057861,0.0,0.0,0.09827053710099293,0.0,0.034911696404155035,0.0,0.050231151367214746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124707591092869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639973725550526,0.0,0.0,0.0495683111284404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480542276823547,0.036528225678519925,0.11244226786504102,0.0,0.06622727981077482
suicidewatch,williamsalex027,2019/03/05,"Considering suicide, again and still Hi. 

I feel a bit scared, because i really don't know how any of you will react to all this. Mostly because of my age, i'm turning 17 this year. I'm scared because we're all told that we're just spoiled brats, and we know nothing about the world and about life and that's really not what i need. I'd just like you to leave an opinion here, i want to know how an 'outsider' would view all this. 

I don't even know where to start, hah... I've been treated with depression since the winter of 2017 and it's not getting any better, only worse, actually. I've had 3 therapists since then, the first one got me antidepressants that i later overdosed on at the end of January of 2018 along with some painkillers. But obviously, i'm still here. My second therapist was slightly better, but she always wanted to find the reason i'm depressed and anxious rather than trying to solve my problems. I've been seeing her for months when i got into a hospital for self harming, and after that it happened a few more times. In April, i had the realization. You know, when everything just starts to make sense and you put it all together and you're like...ah. I told my therapist i was transgender. I started looking more into this all and i realized what i felt all my childhood and why i just...knew something was wrong as a turned 13 and started female puberty was, gender dysphoria. It has caused my self esteem go to 0, caused me to end up having depression and anxiety disorders. 

And i was happy for a while, because i realized what i wanted, who i was and i helped myself by presenting more masculine. It was all cool, then, another realization; i was in a not so LGBT friendly religious high school. Even before realizing i was in fact LGBT, i didn't like the school so much and my depression got much worse by the half term. I left the school in this first term's October, and went to this very cool art school i am in right now.
People are very supporting, they use my chosen name and treat me like a guy and i couldn't wish for more from them. My mom is my number one supporter, she's the best and does everything to help me. 

 Nonetheless i'm in a really bad depressive episode again, i hate my body, i wish i could just live like a cis girl without almost breaking out crying everytime i see or hear myself. In my country, i can only start hormone therapy at 18, which is 1,5 years almost. And i just can't take it. I totally lost the point of my life, i can't see why anything matters since i know i'll always be a stranger in my own body. I feel like this doesn't sound so traumatizing as i write it down, but it really is. All the looks i get from people and asking if i have a dick is just too much. That's the problem mate, i don't have one.

I feel like a freak. This is not normal. I can't accept myself while everyone around me is so nice about it and they wouldn't even think of treating me like a girl. I keep feeling like i don't deserve anyone and anything good. I think so much more less of myself than anyone else in this world and i know i don't have a future. I focus too much on how i look, i know that well. I'm barely 5'3 and i wouldn't give the slightest fuck if i didn't look like a lesbian or a 12 years old little boy, but i very much do, and i feel like people think of or see me as a joke. My biggest goal in life is to find love, have kids and a bunch of dogs, but i don't think i'll ever find someone, and it makes everything so pointless. I want to love and want to be loved, but i feel like i'm not worthy of anyone's love and time. School doesn't make anything easier. I'm absent a lot since i go to therapy every once in a while or simply just can't get out of bed, or just before i step out of the house i see my reflection and start crying. And i'm not exaggerating, i wish i was, but i'd see my fucking size 36 shoes and go back to bed and cry. Because i'm still here and still going for no reason with the feet and height of a 3rd grader, with binding my chest for way too long even while sleeping because i just can't, i don't want to feel what kind of fuxkery i have up there. It'd also end up in crying. I cry myself to sleep everynight and i know this is pathetic, but i've really been thinking to end it all for weeks. Some days i'm like okay this is okay but in reality, it really isn't. I don't think i'm even living anymore. It feels like i'm watching some fucked up movie or as if someone is making me be here just to torture me.

I don't want to hurt my family, they've been through a lot with me, already made them loose their daughter they loved so dearly. But i'm not a daughter and i will never be. 

Everything hurts a lot. And i want it to go away. 

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suicidewatch,kodaandorion,2019/03/05,"Suicide hotlines need to get some more funding because they’re dreadful I think about this experience a lot. Couple years ago I was going through my absolute worst depressive phase. I was constantly self-harming and super suicidal and honestly a bit of an attention-seeker. One day I’m feeling absolutely awful so I head to this part of a nearby woods and hide in a little den I built of sticks and logs, but didn’t make me feel any better. So I called a suicide hotline.

Won’t say what hotline it was but the service I got was terrible. Woman on the other end sounded almost high. Her voice was kind of slurred as though she was considering every single word really slowly. Only advice she even gave me was to talk to my sister about how I was feeling.

It was pretty shit. But I don’t want to say all mental health services are bad. I took 6 months counselling and it really helped me improve even to this day.
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suicidewatch,marker_lover,2019/03/05,"Why I choose death. I firmly believe death should be an accepted choice.  I fight the urge everyday.  With whats happening now its very likely.  Only reasons for me not to is “everyone” begging me not to and that it’s apparently an unredeemable sin.  Other than that I own a 35cal and a nice thick scarf.  Considering my Dodge Charger.  I want everyone in my neighborhood to see.  Im fucking gorgeous.  Why am I not accepted as such?  Girls who look like they came right out of the swamp attract men like a fucking magnet.  HOW?  I’m suffering here and these bitches are fucking toxic to us.  I wish they could fucking pay somehow.  Show just how privileged they are.  
Pay for what they  f u c k i n g  stole from me.  I hate you all.",0.9146590066716094,3.469886781690138,2.7810748702742787,88.43512601927357,89.6338028169014,6.088065233506303,24.37509266123054,7.475848149327749,1.5095295774647886,561,24,111,11,19,186,101,142,0.182,0.652,0.166,-0.6662,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,1,4,0,7,18,7,0,7,0,7,4,0,3,1,22,19,6,2,4,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,4,1,2,1,3,9,0,0,1,3,20,9,13,15,2,7,1,1,2,4,10,4,5,1,5,71,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680970719530626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964106409758213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238481308103472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168747759375135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6131501545071922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662415017618838,0.0,0.0,0.16370183562255966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910192752909354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24301737316493974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392376091274606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261050433275418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047903382845686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159978598913706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212812457032294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994475381568706,0.0,0.0,0.13680960244175264,0.09779831014195728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992332550556329,0.0,0.19067190578287135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trowit25away,2019/03/05,"This is how crazy I'm becoming I dont want to go outside or anything. Dont want to see people or confront my situations.

Yet... a few weeks ago I walked for 5 hours straight from  los angeles to san Marino then to north el monte... I basically went from a small city to the outskirts of mountains.... just walked and walked. Had to talk to myself.  I was called crazy once. A more schizo person wanted me to talk to them but I did my own thing. Eventually I started picking up trash. Then my mom called and said to come back home. So yeah. Now I'm home. Ruined relationship. They cant live with me at home. But if I leave my mom would worry. But if I dont they won't live....
I'm becoming mad. I'm looking at homeless who are crazy and I can become one of those. I cant be helped. But they still care for me  crazy stuff... I appreciate that.. ",-0.5717241379310316,1.6427726781609238,1.5014114942528778,96.69473793103451,95.20689655172414,4.623080459770115,17.304827586206898,6.360717304075467,-0.2800811034482753,642,18,149,8,25,212,107,174,0.154,0.773,0.07200000000000001,-0.8816,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,4,0,7,4,2,0,4,1,14,0,0,2,0,20,29,15,0,6,9,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,5,3,23,1,20,21,3,22,1,1,2,0,15,6,0,4,10,91,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519158153528838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765324394755394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124798499738564,0.0,0.0,0.3931768019170031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423455770312626,0.0,0.12098942821319818,0.0,0.0,0.10222154640570136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172322896286839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744147672115959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954032594289336,0.0,0.35709954358165635,0.0,0.11686358683260885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565175157743302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957115870241608,0.0,0.09965081545290444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277963890885975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637701794267506,0.08041217125845519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822691050366658,0.10361588651214344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740448828586085,0.0,0.0,0.11287997005923395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456263605936102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338724548902128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399346949207886,0.0,0.09476802128685104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584590012984754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076088793785087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883741614410535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099795037411349,0.0,0.09518791309560268,0.0,0.0,0.11000596427822568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051260968386755,0.0,0.08429798948492856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DupIsGay,2019/03/05,Feeling like ending it NOW Baby girl passed away 6 months ago to cancer.... and I'm a single mom to two other kids that I love so deeply... But my want and desire is to be free from my addiction and free from this depression and be with my babygirl....,4.801764705882351,4.594677411764707,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705886,69.0,8.368627450980393,24.84313725490196,7.793537801064563,1.114654901960784,192,4,41,2,3,63,40,51,0.06,0.634,0.306,0.9201,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,7,6,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,6,7,5,1,6,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534406626552062,0.0,0.0,0.2873957805908815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046093349478691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792446851189386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715700403685196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639321297715417,0.23161824943485615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839438064878694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926154180121039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797150315230043,0.25878418984375784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167095618257876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912295721292261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unfoldedsquid,2019/03/05,"Am I suicidal or progressive towards being suicidal? ​

Today it was my birthday and I didn't want the fucking attention at all.  I turned off my facebook account and slept all motherfucking day.  I woke up at about 11pm to a digger doing groundwork out the front of my hotel (at that time really) and I stepped out to the balcony and looked down and just considered it.   

​

I've been drinking a lot.  The physical depression and anxiety caused by this drinking is becoming immense.  I know I don't want to die, but sometimes in these moments of sadness or panic I look at things like a moving vehicle or a balcony and consider how easy it would be.   

​

Is there anything I can read about the psychology of suicidal tendencies? It would be nice to look at case studies and match it to my own situation and see where I might be headed

​",6.111043771043768,7.379174481481483,6.688204264870932,73.34237373737378,66.53086419753086,10.088439955106622,37.566778900112226,10.230975488527342,4.218572839506173,694,37,117,17,11,227,101,162,0.16699999999999998,0.758,0.075,-0.9308,0,0,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,9,0,16,5,2,2,2,28,27,14,4,4,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,11,2,0,2,4,1,3,2,4,0,0,5,4,14,2,23,15,4,20,0,2,4,1,0,13,1,5,5,92,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130037845430333,0.4631702789545017,0.0,0.0,0.07289960465225741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841879453806301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524467186234716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789312816135944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145670899515565,0.0,0.08207653244379166,0.0,0.09890006662374742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867035683789141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809771365552757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779907659805444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523710582658902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046555806484542994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400687321789935,0.0,0.0,0.08101550158169446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109181308171084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128237917118173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180690848511443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531972970217543,0.0,0.06104773926314759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593693387287014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711438325202446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424814510805778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127083165165359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633090605964578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556666380192109,0.0,0.09032751440598914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103652444343039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241367171870548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538816428752118,0.0,0.4631702789545017,0.0
suicidewatch,LSDLACEDBUD,2019/03/05,"How does one get better? I cant get better its only worse from here, tell my GF i wanna die shell be sad and blame herself if i tell my parents or family they just say im immature and stupid i cant tell myfriends because then theyll either ignore it or just assume im joking , i have no other people i trust and im not opening up to some stranger or random person over the phone theyll let me down like most people do, its just me swallowing  all of these issues alone. Its funny how as much as I have a lot of people in my life i still am so alone. ",0.4082499999999989,2.260935325000002,2.666666666666668,93.755,83.25,5.0,16.666666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.4978333333333329,429,8,97,3,12,146,81,120,0.189,0.685,0.126,-0.802,1,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,3,2,8,8,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,2,1,23,12,13,1,2,9,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,6,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,17,5,11,8,6,7,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,9,3,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31664372089686005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318498046204507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703930363198094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864955748111104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377304134074294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441073554541502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973112699653733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953607387433862,0.15955116516529427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631464379609025,0.1079729489440516,0.0746820335829327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996021048139372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123732376173846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358516379603276,0.11626059023820486,0.0,0.0,0.16973830144047375,0.0,0.0,0.3179316732980268,0.13347567175787406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156424697049535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207804930515652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008317930454329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578231959586494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,395829479283,2019/03/05,"I don't know. I'm 14. And I don't want to live anymore. I am nobody. I'm forcing myself to go to school, then coming back home to spend my whole day with pointless things, spending my day on shit sites and then we persuade me and my environment that I ""work"" with my computer.  I don't know how I get those marks in school, but I do nothing. Literally nothing, I just fuck it up again. When I go to bed, I cry myself to sleep, only thinking about how I fucked up everything. This repeats almost every day. I went to multiple therapists (probably in total over a year), but I could never trust anyone.
If I'd just pass away, nobody would even notice.
",2.041386768447836,3.975974557251909,3.80032442748092,87.25992684478375,78.23664122137404,6.504071246819338,23.13040712468193,7.492282038375204,0.997289567430026,501,16,103,7,12,168,84,131,0.13699999999999998,0.833,0.03,-0.9251,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,1,9,4,3,0,1,0,7,4,2,2,2,23,20,11,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,2,5,4,3,0,0,1,0,21,1,17,17,2,24,0,0,0,2,1,8,3,2,11,70,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876561352201785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723968072459718,0.11086232899572934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896359250594116,0.12191569392657865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657738047208498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265898246470944,0.0,0.17416048809330414,0.3067562356036249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472123547504114,0.0,0.13358579463316844,0.0,0.14249513684234014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29315511626659474,0.0828361916318521,0.0,0.1802160219566261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903926958996958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427062562568954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400031641297845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222840665348017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30426732654774075,0.1805110115305152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058494437859872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094446028546334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209235259700385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627500049392766,0.0,0.0,0.1586651934988261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840895714839367,0.10533403336920194,0.10159288021123423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935173049198202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697807816168829,0.0,0.1770161833101419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542679071266455,0.0,0.0,0.11262986119600282,0.0,0.0,0.1021014461272164
suicidewatch,_log1,2019/03/05,"Suicidal thoughts are relatively new to me, figured I would post here Though I would post here because I have been thinking about it everyday for a few months. Option 1 is carry on like this forever. Option 2 is try to do things to better myself like get a new job, but thoughts like that give me a very violent ""I should just end it then"", because that stuff is just too hard for me, which takes me to option 3, suicide.

I don't actually want to die, not really, it's like my mind is going, ""well here is a way out, consider me"". The thoughts are pounding at the door so to speak and I am just kind of staying still and staring at the door. I wrote a suicide note yesterday and cried my eyes out for the first time in a while but I started getting really frightened that I was ""initiating a plan"" so I stopped. It was like looking through the keyhole of that door so to speak

I try not to indulge the thoughts cos they give me shivers and make me feel extremely guilty. I do my best to ignore them, sometimes they pop up briefly like a ""hey just do it"" in such a casual way I can just ignore them, sometimes at the stupidest things, I put the wrong coffee in my cup the other day and said to myself ""why the fuck havnt I done it yet"" and I had to argue with myself for a bit and tell myself to shut up repeatedly. Other times it is pretty deep and frightening where I feel like it is a legitimate choice. I feel that at this moment in time I can just keep going listening the the thoughts each day with a great amount of certainty that I wont right now. I can't control the thoughts but I let them brush over me with a ""not today demon"" sort of attitude, I can't really describe it

I am just scared that this is the start of something ya know? Scared it will get worse like many people here, scared I will actually truly want to die at some point. Like when I look to my future I see that I am dead by suicide but right now at this time I am not letting my thoughts push me over the edge, the influence of the thoughts haven't trapped me yet, ya know? Like I can be objective and rational and dispel them with distractions but the thoughts still scare me deeply. I can't get help or therapy, my anxiety is too great, so I am just doing what I can to make sure I stay in this sort of not a major risk phase which is to not indulge them, so no more writing suicide notes etc. I don't want to be the guy who kill myself like I see in the future. Thanks for reading",4.358625,4.667792255445548,5.12191522277228,86.44911045792082,70.00990099009901,8.530321782178218,28.454517326732674,8.472884824447931,1.7541398514851476,1919,64,421,28,32,623,220,505,0.226,0.642,0.132,-0.9966,1,1,1,0,0,7,47.0,0,2,7,5,32,33,4,6,34,0,47,2,1,5,1,78,88,25,9,6,20,0,4,11,0,6,0,4,3,1,32,17,0,5,16,2,0,4,14,13,1,1,16,15,68,20,55,62,9,65,1,0,6,1,23,25,1,7,41,298,100,2,0.0,0.0,0.12360305369609208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844773314555615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721148789149691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646155406788082,0.056010766290431266,0.0691406091349585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103064932881592,0.0,0.0,0.06956568671864419,0.08168599134670895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145432156240552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480918835571997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560921111748695,0.0,0.07063035602740947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606555771592863,0.04524339094915929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386897321560488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058548116169851575,0.13235049164400106,0.12150495823619115,0.0719844751376587,0.0,0.0,0.13964441291576912,0.0,0.06270724757273143,0.0,0.0,0.05673177526212377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042449164028173336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284584517091064,0.05629114422781938,0.07006592205957529,0.065949070906669,0.06960967943569367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951965184605455,0.0,0.34034143664678873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636350204897584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845473301583833,0.06420728494151651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394584916111129,0.0,0.05054987809091272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233016989571655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390546169825533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986788415608904,0.0,0.12130641092334395,0.06442998462237776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366474172945019,0.0,0.0,0.06334773487656406,0.0,0.12171360578985856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816796712878746,0.06024190003923208,0.0,0.2536199017052708,0.0,0.1009325722879797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048754987406282105,0.1252711590258931,0.0,0.08965144463512699,0.13500397939404582,0.10115179269240568,0.052947214612380576,0.0,0.0,0.07249838152922447,0.3463669691867596,0.0,0.05968833791958341,0.0,0.04761672714168443,0.0,0.05535373294029238,0.058306304723625274,0.07242405666289478,0.0,0.08414806878868453,0.04057968919927013,0.06222198972811423,0.4524967772778138,0.14771432094897893,0.0,0.06003000063604911,0.0,0.0,0.0859946360835061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522543748087206,0.11206208034980096,0.10053775975571433,0.0,0.0,0.056941812148099014,0.0,0.05714601309351711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453928853955493,0.08997647772929901,0.06924206570715011,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadShelter,2019/03/05,"Suicidal because of my appearance. I'm so disgusting that I'm thinking about killing myself for the 3rd time. Hate for my looks wasn't something I gained in my teenage years, I have hated my looks since I was 5. Whenever I went to play with my friends I was always thinking how pretty they're compared to me, seeing random girls I wished to be as pretty as them. As I grown older and suddenly my looks became even worse and more important. I stopped making friends, people laughed at me, boys were making jokes saying their friend has a crush on me just to embarrass him. I was 12 when I first tried to kill myself because I hated my looks so much. I've been through a lot in my life, abusive father, sex assault, bullying but all these things are nothing compared to how miserable my face makes me. My face is little, weirdly shaped. My eyes are small and hooded, my lips are nonexisting but the biggest problem is my bulbous nose the size of a potato. Compared to how little my face and my features are, my nose seems like its half of my face. I take care of my looks, I dress well, have a great figure and nice hair. I have many hobbies and I see myself as a generally nice, funny and interesting person, but those don't matter with my face. I dated two boys, but I didn't feel any of chemistry, I was just so desperate to feel loved. I have much more male friends and I heard many times ""x is so gorgeous I just wish she had your personality"". I only hear compliments from my family and the closest friends, I think I've never heard a compliment from someone that doesn't know me for 10+ years.
The problem is even more painful as I met an amazing guy online, he is funny, supportive and ... handsome. He never saw me and says he can't wait to meet me, but I just make different excuses whenever he asks me out just because I'm so scared he will throw up when he sees me. I'm just so tired I can't afford rhinoplasty and I think I will never be happy being so ugly. I just want to to be dead at this point ",4.185684154555119,5.1376608535980175,5.014777561148532,84.74436414392062,70.73697270471466,7.940765685926976,28.288638780574264,8.192908349453996,1.7935700815313709,1576,56,320,22,28,512,207,403,0.17600000000000002,0.628,0.195,0.9195,2,0,1,0,0,3,45.0,0,1,2,2,23,37,7,3,12,0,33,15,10,7,4,59,76,34,4,5,12,1,3,1,5,2,3,5,0,7,7,15,0,2,9,2,0,4,9,14,1,3,14,20,66,23,37,56,7,32,0,1,10,2,34,14,0,4,15,207,73,0,0.0,0.09969455198650247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700129132600132,0.0,0.0,0.057219468877190774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866144400558568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538766099310102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578841204116422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791051743150705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111500405737396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932162176585833,0.0,0.085089481751915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157117164162763,0.0,0.0,0.32503963601968605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276689018729617,0.0,0.08331384303983534,0.0,0.08957076044002549,0.0,0.24921851754686725,0.0,0.0,0.09483418824417636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861813891972271,0.0,0.04624226170852185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943200740929104,0.04110754792426462,0.16866484713751068,0.0,0.0,0.3532905867299249,0.0,0.0,0.07153454886413688,0.07594147134539399,0.0,0.22466184586024748,0.17061363292742207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370815386626255,0.0,0.1946865728122237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073655151610827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639938088939841,0.08953305726248999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058333492317251975,0.1469391581957176,0.0,0.0,0.0795414198003554,0.0,0.0,0.17120539757902078,0.0,0.1610251269528289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338262462461602,0.08424085532515029,0.0,0.20115092299628315,0.07659974814051225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960316051590149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129327286022312,0.06477664903829239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034650855143898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920377290409342,0.09548338372898184,0.0,0.0,0.06326433840923504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590022897300925,0.21565927304539986,0.0,0.0,0.09812779404808944,0.09670889097241686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712691826107615,0.0,0.08219454148246716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962915204845041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565379415207313,0.07800050905155492,0.0,0.0,0.1935183744940023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574792170634749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836942314705947
suicidewatch,big_chungus616,2019/03/05,"I’m tired All  I hear are fights all I hear are doors slamming, arguments, violence, betrayal, depression I’m tired of life I wish I could go back to when I was a kid everything was simple and easy to understand and i don’t know what i did to be caught up in all of this.",-0.1524876847290635,2.018809810344827,2.289704433497537,93.40431034482759,88.82758620689656,7.452216748768473,20.354679802955662,8.418075326091056,1.2584748768472909,211,7,50,6,7,72,39,58,0.343,0.5720000000000001,0.084,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,3,9,17,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,2,7,0,7,11,3,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883115696253956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955312545098099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093042775161205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009867654058174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918126892971944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520360536068413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458962498682406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297881405217966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629488216174581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549476230452914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816207997716479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cashmerecat999,2019/03/05,"I'm so tired, everyone. 29/M/USA here.  I'm in school and working as well.

I'm usually a high-performing student, but I developed a tolerance to my antidepressants early this term.  One month has passed, and I barely accomplished anything.  I finally started feeling better after one of my medication's dosages was increased (it took a long time to schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist).  However, I later contracted bronchitis.  Antibiotics sometimes decrease the effectiveness of antidepressants.  Now, I'm back to square one...

My grades are terrible. What are horrible way to begin the term, and I love school.

Any fellow older students here?",5.151860139860137,8.605083109090913,6.053636363636365,66.73199300699304,77.0,10.293706293706293,35.734265734265726,10.035473477838034,5.2492237762237774,522,30,73,19,13,171,80,110,0.094,0.7190000000000001,0.187,0.8694,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,6,0,4,3,0,1,0,7,13,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,2,2,9,3,10,11,3,21,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,16,45,12,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359158666706465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447284922536934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368476736578193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676540800046264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098071491550206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105835377194328,0.0,0.0,0.218943647830912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116960900292572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768752936299475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038704477153547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134416501569474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953129044478626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063035200258013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045505204655152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976727779538144,0.0,0.14146632190842226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654358590036933,0.2297167902673903,0.0,0.0,0.22205869727528346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201243775031872,0.0,0.0,0.158644483013504,0.0,0.0,0.17970371275502364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550497074755464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justsomeone101,2019/03/05,"Tonight I’m 56yrs old. In the past, I have counseled others who have wanted to commit suicide and have done my part to get them to choose not to do it that day and redirect them to help and in some cases I’ve been able to witness, they lived on to enjoy better days. I know a lot of the arguments to use. They are valid. 

I’m stunned to discover that there are exceptions as to why one should not commit suicide and my case is one of them. If you’re suicidal, please don’t read this, it really doesn’t apply to you. 

I’ve experienced a series of circumstances (illness, divorce, job loss) that have led me to discover that some lives do have a value. Mine is about $4,700 (the total back log owing right now - the majority of which is rent due and I’m about to be evicted). I have no way of borrowing it, and to date after weeks, no guaranteed way of paying it back. I have applied for all kinds of jobs. I had a temp job that due to physical limitations I had to quit. I have applied for entry level jobs which I have not been able to get because I’m overqualified and in-between and career jobs which I haven’t gotten either. I have had professionals look at my resume and say “I don’t understand why you’re not at the director or VP level in a company” while at the same time not offering anything other than punctuation suggestions for changes. I’m not whining, I’m frustrated. 

I think of myself as someone who has undertaken many professional and personal challenges and have succeeded in substantial ways and have helped people along the way. Unfortunately this is contrary to the evidence all around me right now. I have started businesses in the past (I’m out of time and money to do so right now), I’ve worked up to 95 hours in a single week for employers (while on salary, and done so because I made a commitment to get a job done and it was for a worthy cause). I work hard.

I’m at a point where the usual arguments don’t apply. Things will get better. No, they’re about to get substantially worse. I’m about to be evicted and I have no place to move/store my personal stuff (I don’t have a lot either) and no where to live. I will only have my car and it is pad for and old. Family/friends are not an option. I’m about to lose my phone service and that will impact the type of job I can get and so far, I haven’t been able to get a job stocking shelves (at least I had the manager gush over how qualified I am). I know there are many people experiencing worse hardship than me but I just don’t see a way forward from losing my stuff and living in a car. 

I am about to lose the only thing of value I thought I had which was my reputation. I’m about to lose my apartment. About to lose my phone. About to lose the ability to present myself well enough to apply for jobs. 

I don’t really want to but I don’t really have a choice. I should do it tonight. I have a higher opinion of myself than I deserve. If I had a choice, I would have a modest job, pay modest bills and help people. I would have my own business or even be happy working at any number of jobs even below executive level. 

I have to do this because I have failed to basically live. Admitting it makes it a little more honest I guess. Sometimes it’s the logical thing to do.",4.3834897794040035,4.904321422087751,5.650502058192313,81.93066143616086,70.02874432677761,9.05352707314499,27.77753931675052,9.164851162284878,2.082460549554938,2544,82,531,48,43,854,266,661,0.08800000000000001,0.833,0.079,-0.7669,16,0,0,0,1,4,71.0,0,1,5,17,27,19,1,0,35,0,75,1,0,6,6,78,110,37,3,8,17,0,1,0,0,7,1,1,1,2,32,26,0,1,8,1,7,4,22,10,1,2,17,6,62,9,95,83,17,69,0,9,2,0,20,34,0,11,28,377,94,31,0.15920026375748492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03608721285491698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04366941744361051,0.04724066238670262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161011732245592,0.0,0.09704700314313758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938664640141914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451417486995794,0.05613758995125398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844733320957364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291714297489662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483214312482571,0.0,0.07010018183891477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409992429552346,0.0,0.19407632315100032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845901297510265,0.0,0.0,0.05649054702890612,0.047537388736039125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670858099910743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052260063783356285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5792662215106108,0.0,0.0,0.0552608587689306,0.05832820100968869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053186829231647074,0.2342945826364992,0.0,0.04456270864843175,0.3562087465885034,0.0,0.09023091412753798,0.0,0.050213046289557764,0.035422470756142986,0.10760271998709316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056401561918445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136926429773393,0.0,0.07191881257152109,0.08071931628413473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746612389896887,0.1013164437612302,0.11036941770683664,0.092671686448403,0.05544346385922687,0.058251360887920114,0.05016523577453132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056443025617964875,0.0530811152032692,0.0,0.10198776551877868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359561553934293,0.0,0.04220081319021865,0.0,0.0,0.04228733282902774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496328895244473,0.0,0.052484377198785424,0.0,0.03756092202893617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214974757819488,0.1741392493022961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576558125262807,0.034003033596963064,0.0,0.04212907552713931,0.06188730270106474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055244363023464416,0.0,0.04583263766113059,0.05844553296167292,0.0,0.06260029353384651,0.21060959868061546,0.08513389918291832,0.0,0.04771338543368131,0.0,0.09576898401608766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589968808143924,0.0,0.1081591130852747,0.07539419979640408,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taytay9955,2019/03/05,"The purpose of suicide hotlines So there have been a lot of post about hotlines and their effectiveness  or lack of effectiveness lately. So let me explain what a hotline is supposed to be used for. It should be a place to receive emotional first aid, to help you come up with a safety plan until you can speak to your therapist or psychiatrist. Or to help you brainstorm ways in which you could receive more reliable help for your issues. Hotlines might also provide resources like numbers for mental health agencies in your area or how to contact a social worker. They can also just be someone to talk to so you feel less alone and someone to listen to your problems. THEY ARE NOT  going to magically make you less suicidal or solve your problems for you expecting a human who doesn't know you or your problems to do that over the phone over the course of an hours is an unrealistic expectation. We are all hurting, but you probably need more serious help than a stranger over the phone can give you for your issues  so use them to help you get through the night or to find resources do not try to use them a free therapy. ",8.223863636363639,7.653373693396229,7.678250428816469,74.3401629502573,62.066037735849065,10.350600343053172,37.668953687821606,9.573946990214177,3.5124471698113204,901,39,162,14,11,283,122,212,0.078,0.818,0.104,0.7698,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,1,18,5,5,10,7,0,0,15,0,19,1,0,7,1,39,32,18,2,9,11,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,1,4,3,5,0,1,1,3,25,3,35,24,7,19,0,1,0,0,42,8,0,9,6,128,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629085427876072,0.0,0.1950273342130884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503867414223507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735746354826716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716368646988575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061655448696301914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144900011474868,0.103720286231154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370750200308793,0.11697391183160175,0.06930009910894784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961424911585073,0.0,0.0,0.4086619050314405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008423515415095,0.0,0.13053700715882374,0.0,0.0,0.2545429025761108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701386201136593,0.0,0.13755122369443934,0.0,0.0,0.12468972917178844,0.0,0.0595726818378049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366721283754043,0.0,0.0,0.08139447218540166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122884688484601,0.12935680577508785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904153823114806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443042661635032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739911645405344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678276855477973,0.0,0.131469643057146,0.35003420807997354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243002980341592,0.20663511572632245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26676046741251863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980090374863952,0.0,0.0,0.13944657636282395,0.1415792603815323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278780656562981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159454949069754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967886020136814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imachairbeech,2019/03/05,"I hate life Every time I get somewhere good, I fuck it all up. I don’t have the balls to do it, but boy I wouldn’t be mad to die tomorrow.",-1.086363636363636,0.03988278787878663,1.9303030303030293,100.81545454545456,84.75757575757575,5.612121212121212,17.060606060606062,6.42735559955562,-0.6361030303030302,104,2,30,1,3,37,25,33,0.383,0.565,0.052000000000000005,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,3,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453069442969448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615100015122517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396668323963195,0.22417137873329396,0.0,0.0,0.3598835796927127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236178188247525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030648476074711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25019418193665466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VeryGoodCoolUsername,2019/03/05,"Didn't get any respond on r/Depression, so trying my last shot there. Just to get it straight, i'm not crying for attention, i just really don't know what to do now.


Hello guys, i will try to make it short. Like 3 days ago, i met woman here on reddit, she was way older than i am, but i developed feelings for her and she noticed it. I never expected it to be something more, because i'm way too young for her and yeah, i'm not really attractive either. Anyway to get to the point.

She was always very kind to me, she supported me how she could and she always asked me how i was doing, what am i gonna do today and so, i really liked her. Yeah but as it seems, i'm a bad luck myself (or i'm just such a loser and screwup). I got a really bad anxiety/depression attack and i almost killed myself today, i stopped at very last second. Anyway, i told her that she should talk to someone else, because i'm really negative and the times i seemed i wasn't so bad i told her it was all just pretending, because i just loved chatting with her. Yeah, but i couldn't lie to her any longer so i told her that and now we will probably never talk ever again. I'm sitting on the edge, i don't really know what to do now.

Sorry for mistakes and my sentence construction, i'm still shaking and not thinking straight.
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suicidewatch,eternallybroken4,2019/03/05,"I got screwed My anxiety just keeps getting worse. I have a panic attack about once a day and my medication isn't helping. I'm counting down the days till I have a mental breakdown at school. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I have a therapist but I don't think it's helping. I wish I was dead, but I'm scared shitless of what's next. I don't think being with the girl that I love would help, but it's what I want. And fuck it, I'm going for it. If anything, I won't have any regrets when I go. ",0.7166666666666686,2.3657699259259246,2.8257037037037063,94.03966666666668,81.22222222222223,5.431111111111113,23.76296296296297,6.2581,0.4245562962962968,384,14,90,3,10,130,67,108,0.287,0.563,0.15,-0.9114,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,2,6,0,11,4,0,0,0,17,26,10,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,2,1,15,1,7,21,0,9,0,3,0,3,5,2,2,1,5,56,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295633482344731,0.0,0.14575089523195614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678561717110198,0.0,0.0,0.21674938284694426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457453753496145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963350269728636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761370407210303,0.0995413066259844,0.0,0.2165591868373846,0.0,0.15238002953875532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831141267455925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693471320977252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195600536732222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919336189800539,0.1920041136676705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262520940735665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290261698860895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235397171570011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907484897751845,0.1928211961025991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22121389359819973,0.0,0.24416110496887805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237642074650947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909403421892235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416097454987905,0.13534330016497775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlueSamurai17,2019/03/05,"A look at my first attempt Hi, I’ve never posted on this subreddit before.I guess I just wanted to get it out here. I have been struggling with mental illnesses my entire life; it was only recently that I decided to act on it. 

The first attempt I was at my school a year ago I had found out I was going to fail, and I just felt.. worthless like the world would just be better off without me.  I don’t know how long I stared at the stairway ready to jump off. But eventually a teacher came by at that point.  I was scared I really didn’t want to die. I told him what I wanted to do and he took me to the counselor. I was taken out of school for the day and saw some people from mental health lifeline. They checked up on me and said I was fine. Eventually I got into a program that helped me a lot and made me discover my purpose.

I have had a few breakdowns since then, and after another attempt, gotten new medications; and I have so far been improving.  I honestly hope I never get into that mindset ever again.



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suicidewatch,ThatTacoArtist,2019/03/05,I just want someone to talk to I'm very close to killing myself and have decided the method and my note but I wanna see if I could be convinced otherwise ,2.0073958333333337,4.026065781250002,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,78.6875,6.7666666666666675,26.291666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.4875291666666668,123,5,26,2,3,40,26,32,0.087,0.768,0.14400000000000002,0.2187,0,0,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,6,4,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361089615073904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5003542559778055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603894776988557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38319504062150256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635062411232689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731585635420846,0.26675230596444194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hairy_Activity,2019/03/05,"Does anybody want to do it but can't bring yourself to begin deleting your social media first? It just feels like once I delete all social media (facebook, spotify, instagram, etc.) there's no turning back or if I do go back it'd be stupid to have to build all those profiles back up again",4.6176315789473685,5.745454929824562,4.872763157894738,85.50809210526316,69.87719298245614,7.1035087719298255,28.285087719298247,7.1686216300943375,1.4826877192982448,229,8,44,2,4,72,45,57,0.124,0.8029999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,8,12,3,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,5,10,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5730636894569779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739581863068472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770562640993915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560965769010599,0.17747276916879565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130767717203408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118398148138805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121366470142599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645613860838499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064700109070939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270211864888293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652576727242278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Enoshima11037,2019/03/05,"I don’t know what to do I’m scared. I’m so scared and have no one left to care for me. I feel pathetic and useless. I want to be dead so badly
But I have nothing to hold onto. My cries for help are ignored and I’m so alone. ",-2.5367385444743924,-0.8486585283018844,0.7213477088948785,103.37641509433963,96.54716981132076,3.783288409703504,15.118598382749324,5.288315135182226,-1.1649061994609164,170,4,47,1,7,60,34,53,0.4370000000000001,0.46,0.103,-0.9726,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,13,7,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,6,1,7,12,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997235932423685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416308426098888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29505517647331675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178843263878793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632566017358833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397384758667227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904267679399806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144260492009544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27768013055191965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961000042041516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794652178035127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170691330769128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatsAScience,2019/03/05,Lost and directionless I’m at a point in my life where I don’t know where I’m going. It seems like my education is bringing me nowhere but debt. I have no motivation to do homework or work or wash or clean. Even though I have a fucking amazing girlfriend the only thought that brings me peace is death. Idk. Pls don’t tell me to just call a suicide hotline. They’re useless and I don’t want to go to the hospital. They do nothing to help. I’m not sure what I’m asking. I’m just feeling low low low. ,0.8062950257289856,2.8731725283018896,2.6398799313893657,93.29937392795885,83.15094339622641,5.363979416809607,24.730703259005146,6.574015621080383,0.6785584905660373,392,16,89,4,11,130,68,106,0.265,0.535,0.2,-0.8599,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,3,6,9,1,0,5,0,9,3,0,1,1,16,26,7,2,1,7,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,5,0,1,4,5,6,0,0,2,1,10,3,7,24,0,12,0,5,0,1,6,8,1,4,1,48,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233866933208947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554425335875329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652290994885924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648900867015592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312699790614461,0.0,0.0,0.28434472613156525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767776519898964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748204176940354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669623896397507,0.12221611599330573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730804781840698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24003639825881715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902588494222503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364831735160317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773734208244736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736357271650249,0.0,0.2357739507933611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865189685925895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457820883567973,0.19860003295374867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755154490308434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821203178113507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigtime-throwaway,2019/03/05,"I’ve been ill since I was eleven, but I’m starting to wonder if it was all in my head this entire time. I fear I’ve thrown away my life on something that could have been fixed with therapy. It started when I was in fifth grade. I stopped enjoying school, I just didn’t seem to have the energy or motivation that my peers did. I remember feeling guilty when my mom would take me to see specialist after specialist to figure out what was wrong with me, I didn’t feel like I was truly ill, just incredibly tired. 

Depression was brought up and I was diagnosed with it. They couldn’t seem to find any other reason for me to feel this way. I was medicated, by thirteen I began to hop in and out of hospital programs culminating in the therapists convincing my mom it was the best place for me. Which culminated in her having to force me out of bed every morning while I sobbed and begged her not to make me go, trying to shove my fingers down my throat in an attempt to make myself sick in a way that wasn’t just “I feel too tired”. 

I hated that place. It only pushed me further into the belief that I was sick beyond my depression, largely because they shamed me for claiming I wasn’t just depressed, essentially mocking me in front of all the other patients. 

Shortly after I received a diagnosis of chronic Lyme’s disease, which I’m unsure if I can trust nowadays, with all of the contradictory informations and claims that it’s just quackery. I never had the rash, but I lived in a very tick heavy area, spent much of my time playing in the dirt as a child and had parents who didn’t know that they needed to check for this sort of thing. The blood test came back negative, but they said I had all of the indicators and started me on treatment that would last from the age of sixteen to the age of eighteen or nineteen. I improved, but never fully. I want to believe this diagnosis, because if it is all false, I’ve just wasted three years of my life.

After a neuropsych evaluation the doctor told me he suspected I had somatic symptom disorder, which is a terrifying prospect for how much it makes sense. I still haven’t pursued treatment because I don’t have the motivation to find a therapist equipped to deal with this, along with my almost universally terrible experiences with therapists. I think I’m scared to find out I’ve wasted my life, deluded myself into thinking I qualify as disabled when really I’m just a sad idiot, swindled by a bunch of con-artists. 

I’m twenty now. I have no prospects in life. No high school diploma, no GED, no driver’s license, nothing. All I do is spend my day in bed, feeling too fatigued to do much of anything. I’m hopeless, I feel like such a fucking idiot. I’m so ashamed of my life, I feel guilty and shameful whenever I have to share it with anyone. I’ve had people make fun of me for believing I’m ill in the first place, therapists, psychologists, people I thought were my friends. 

I wish I could do it all over again. I wish I hadn’t convinced myself I was sick when clearly I’m just an idiot who’s so deep into his own delusions that he feels like they’re a reality. 

I want to die. 

TL;DR: I started feeling fatigued in fifth grade, assumed I was ill and wasted half my life, my high school career and any prospects I had trying to fix what’s likely somatic symptom disorder AKA, all in my head. ",5.381976516634047,6.015116150684936,6.136285061969995,78.93010273972605,67.85844748858447,8.996868884540119,32.38562731028485,9.04235418022936,2.708963644270493,2649,110,508,45,42,870,282,657,0.246,0.639,0.115,-0.9988,1,0,1,0,0,2,65.0,0,0,4,5,24,34,6,5,28,0,48,30,6,8,11,101,97,28,1,13,18,3,10,4,1,2,23,1,2,1,34,26,0,1,28,1,3,6,17,21,0,4,35,12,83,13,88,57,14,74,1,8,1,1,22,38,2,11,32,348,117,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663993325722023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051218577067556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653311281407188,0.0,0.05476475060631762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252565427824829,0.05117262816578464,0.0,0.12170427808173293,0.0,0.0,0.1499574941416004,0.06983982719763368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611515264752411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106269075253574,0.0,0.0,0.04291906501535302,0.06860984094811345,0.17195753351196366,0.06754656672776048,0.069068104342879,0.0,0.15254349347344065,0.06811646017653956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607101085042265,0.0,0.0,0.06509839777361527,0.0,0.07488693890619329,0.3028458502643025,0.14262940357204112,0.0,0.0,0.1824757201217257,0.05660715933378959,0.0,0.0,0.051416149949574615,0.06152414540101042,0.0,0.0,0.03782174051626674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570407240849209,0.1365984282459464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062686974957594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03657398665479727,0.054246905509046685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820362195374165,0.13005132998643307,0.0,0.05876462356324165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768982417269105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670418432893602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588445961004255,0.0,0.0,0.14676510841252235,0.049345775438037344,0.10265449616608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385625288653049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061406224529229,0.0,0.0,0.07389559038807593,0.0,0.0,0.0922743953566492,0.0,0.20859088456504288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263345586373461,0.0684241978118117,0.0,0.0,0.07538786166338028,0.0,0.06330402512857222,0.0,0.06662788117655934,0.20205561402957,0.05303151202276677,0.121168734518694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055050617547349766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512332271375989,0.0,0.0,0.18841694237063866,0.0,0.05314669376488846,0.05563854729228712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834128468808682,0.05003710854993781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610540670057314,0.3090774251400101,0.04421267803348334,0.08528474909016145,0.0,0.052833045402946616,0.07761135587617951,0.1529782306116567,0.0,0.06359111106923321,0.0,0.0903657852758206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491049010430993,0.07850550027808972,0.1056481430001594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530577913946922,0.0,0.07217033442978754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455002586981104,0.07276167359636879,0.0,0.042855838896372685
suicidewatch,charles938,2019/03/05,"I was just mean to my best friend again. This keeps happening and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it. I keep feeling awful and taking it out on other people. I can’t understand why they don’t hate me yet, but I just made my best friend cry. Again. Over and over and over again. And I don’t want to keep poisoning everyone by my existence. What do I do other than just rid the world of me??",0.2482222222222213,2.2338887764705886,2.114509803921571,96.72418300653601,84.76470588235293,6.130718954248366,16.50326797385621,7.3871296695380915,-0.08894771241830046,306,6,74,5,9,101,49,85,0.165,0.6509999999999999,0.184,0.2287,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,3,0,2,1,8,2,0,1,0,19,21,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,1,13,4,12,19,2,10,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,57,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234687652065617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162358275133606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192790062369412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102015778584048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117581243322363,0.18652361359391792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841545748597967,0.0,0.0,0.1991959568652068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5379999385932029,0.0,0.0,0.11088186775978327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090992906055126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197754871712783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398747886048116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169820303383275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100389879750875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900311254568954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820567690643629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lordrandy7,2019/03/05,sad whats the least painful and quickest way to kill myself with things at a normal house.,6.671666666666668,6.4015206111111125,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,65.1111111111111,7.2,29.11111111111111,3.1291,0.8507111111111119,73,2,15,0,1,21,18,18,0.336,0.56,0.104,-0.7502,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824950085388172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626268222109646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097033559820451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449466613475561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778037633316115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319121688604054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ryfflex,2019/03/05,"This sums up pretty much what the world really is. This may be the reason why, I would say, that almost all people suffering from depression feel this way.

[IN-SHADOW - A Modern Oddysey - Animated Short Film](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j800SVeiS5I&feature=youtu.be)
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suicidewatch,CFLIP200,2019/03/05,Someone to talk to Think about everyday - cut everyday - can I talk ,1.9800000000000004,4.747337000000002,3.4666666666666686,80.89500000000002,95.66666666666666,9.066666666666668,31.0,8.841846274778883,4.1432,52,3,9,2,2,17,9,12,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397393794424701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8342905933007604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325484687942742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BubblesnConky,2019/03/05,"Drowning I hate when hope and happiness are reintroduced into my life after I had become content with my sadness only to have that hope taken away. My girlfriend recently broke up with me. Being a manic depressive with abandonment (mommy) issues, I don’t know how I’m going to make it thru this time. I’m a 34yr old man that has a good job and exercises everyday. I should be able to find something to live for but I can’t stop crying. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’ve lost 10 lbs this week alone. I’m already on every anti depressant and anti anxiety med I can get. If you pray, please say a prayer for me. ",2.22517818181818,4.033026776,4.32341818181818,84.30570909090909,77.24000000000002,7.4254545454545475,23.363636363636363,8.296473431620573,1.4632399999999999,477,15,96,9,11,164,89,125,0.249,0.654,0.097,-0.9584,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,2,11,1,0,4,0,12,4,1,2,0,18,24,7,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,5,7,1,2,2,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,1,14,4,15,18,0,13,1,6,0,0,4,4,0,3,8,57,19,1,0.17051870724766674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660595495717446,0.18817163366406672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044634431423888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020793859177831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832451518061424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873067929699224,0.0,0.0,0.293735025377812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744832075562957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366936526769786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585100921751854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908898663680691,0.0,0.09690971093399957,0.14302300143407431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152033464761844,0.0,0.1683519208100698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387271030452707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779772282155877,0.16921350547514558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371262205386777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204424057663072,0.0,0.0,0.1505711425472275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614131207970225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382256118727943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189407843061307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789306989224174,0.0,0.0,0.12968716072908254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871783347511903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836665187694907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560332012310575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706418538187359,0.0,0.0,0.13127363162954542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256127458132714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943082947123356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367798214242145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedditsBanHammer,2019/03/05,"Why should I keep on living when only a small portion of life is happiness? Yeah I know this is so cliche and overthought but I just don't understand why I should keep on going. Sure there's things now and then in life that are fun but the majority is life is working, exhausting myself, being stressed (or at least this is what I'm being told).

I want to live a fun life forever until I die but everytime i mention this idea i get shot down saying that I can't live like that as I can't have fun in life most of the time. Why should I keep on going if I can't enjoy life every day and I have to be stressed and exhausted every day? Why should I live for a sprinkle of happiness a pool full of stress and sorrow?


I'm stuck in school every day. I have to wake up at 7 and I get back home at 5:30 exhausted. I procrastinate the few hours left of my day away. I go to sleep and this cycle starts again. I'm also expected to work during the weekends so where's my life going? I'm being told I need to do all this for the future so I can get a good job and not struggle financially but I'll just be stuck in another 9-5 routine, potentially working overtime here and then and being too exhausted to do shit.


Then i get told that's just life and i have to deal with it. Maybe i don't want to deal with it and i just want to die because the cons outweigh the pros.",1.6183448275862062,3.180988282758623,3.4602068965517248,90.91548275862073,78.24137931034483,6.708965517241379,21.6,7.554174236665415,0.6336234482758618,1062,29,242,15,25,357,134,290,0.179,0.7090000000000001,0.113,-0.9759,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,16,19,1,4,12,1,28,15,3,0,2,43,55,28,2,10,11,0,0,1,0,4,12,1,1,0,13,14,0,3,3,2,0,4,6,10,0,0,5,1,27,9,34,40,7,38,0,1,0,0,7,17,1,3,18,157,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560558530705582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602376832604627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707719750782838,0.06308199112281798,0.0,0.05000947097921465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163033249157204,0.16915470370625565,0.0,0.0,0.1702845330090172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736111093931092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144542222153886,0.0,0.1864958502242353,0.06880939999974695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466149066397882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822905851521938,0.0,0.08079069085598453,0.0,0.0,0.09261067116630058,0.0,0.0,0.08140984084273786,0.2187568524210194,0.0,0.0,0.04508581998191393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913429110766592,0.0,0.4635656973889347,0.04007951681285828,0.0,0.2897634610395673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241797950198428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082997648755045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062393430622781625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652397376791557,0.0,0.0830266160340984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421060518263453,0.0,0.0,0.08209702955733345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058066764948571825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819220092396008,0.085763702948901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731963946043037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054502257616876125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047836890911189665,0.0,0.0,0.2351718515001931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540422516640596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516402955475133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961053554511585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791734489439086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlarmedDoor,2019/03/05,"""Nothing in life comes easy"" I swear to god I just want to fucking strangle the people that say this. How can I be expected to put effort into bettering myself when I can't even find a reason to take a shower? Every time someone gives me this advice I just feel even more hopeless.",4.241785714285712,5.395228178571434,5.252142857142856,82.34285714285716,70.78571428571428,7.028571428571429,26.5,7.1686216300943375,1.384014285714286,222,7,41,2,4,73,45,56,0.084,0.799,0.117,0.204,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,2,0,10,9,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,8,1,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577678455544147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332965740730456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272275935873849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34845527498391354,0.0,0.22225040886735686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337772352153032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410948949098726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243865167814898,0.0,0.253046801238234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631928857382093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531090147568075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287544477048467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651769850408813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712151200673677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977257945683606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235043448547471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833364273439305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538152720506984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555873460323957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BustyBerelain,2019/03/05,"Can't do this anymore Like everyone here, my life is shit and I can't take it anymore. I want to jump on a plane and never look back but I have no fucking passport so fuck me right. I'd just like to have one goddamn day where I'm not considering driving off a bridge or blowing my fucking brains out.

Seriously one amazing moment where I could be like yeah I've done whatever I can die now. Because everytime I think about ending it in this small town, overly bureaucratic, pissant, satan's asshole of a cock-sucking infected shitshow I just think to myself why am I staying here.

How did I get stuck here dealing with the fact I'm a fucking failure when I could be somewhere amazing being a fucking failure.

I'm blowing all my money on mundane workaday shit when I could be hiking or in the woods or fuck even a great big shithole of a tourist attraction city. Really fucking live before we're all inevitably not anymore.

Because goddamn if there is absolutely fuck-all after death why am I not spending the pissant amount of time with the pathetic amount of money I have on this fucking rock enjoying, I don't know, something.",4.877448630136988,6.335582643835617,5.58922089041096,79.369584760274,69.59360730593608,7.666780821917808,35.14868721461187,8.07648339933343,2.8682988584474884,905,47,160,12,16,294,129,219,0.272,0.59,0.138,-0.9913,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,16,19,10,0,11,1,21,13,3,1,4,27,40,11,2,5,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,1,3,2,8,11,0,2,3,1,19,8,19,30,4,27,1,0,1,8,1,14,10,4,13,106,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27720725602520074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716441609481263,0.0,0.1135945940827954,0.0,0.0792832223489168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401170094129863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231727879974189,0.0,0.0,0.060088772297198674,0.09605710442674928,0.0,0.0,0.0966986954020037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534816184929644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252347900755888,0.0,0.0,0.0615397805435846,0.0,0.0,0.08903063922287531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7752310834853319,0.04867896211275572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272338245436137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051205354900316184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581073069075552,0.13655862642348754,0.0,0.08227332266346155,0.0,0.07824171745956328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718606363302728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262726522672061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059688905634878435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956909427793148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912811578663522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717290024472943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993098479100646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005437842114873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940278444251386,0.0,0.0,0.05432983091840828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495575367963313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168147987769138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EysoreofSociety,2019/03/05,"It’s only getting worse and worse I had I delete my last account on here as someone was stalking it. I don’t exist to anyone anymore, I just vanished and nobody noticed. I have no one left and I feel horrible. I was in an inpatient program involuntarily for five days and they made m feel like a freak. Someone really close to me won’t let me talk to them but they reported that I was going to kill my self right after I got out of the hospital. No one cares and no one actually wants to help me. They only say it’ll get better and don’t actually help. I might just end it on the twentieth.",1.4628048780487823,3.49353343089431,4.044898373983742,84.3190548780488,80.54471544715446,7.0268292682926825,24.071138211382113,8.07648339933343,1.468474796747968,464,17,97,9,12,163,79,123,0.16699999999999998,0.706,0.127,-0.5187,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,1,3,5,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,1,0,16,20,8,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,2,0,4,6,3,19,3,13,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,5,68,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.3137938611722693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944938168891246,0.1124202855761498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421957961063522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163924716997491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036890346228509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424023081997932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258919921437615,0.11486041739203455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800058962593542,0.0,0.091374305579229,0.0,0.12858950559046464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553330092776915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787793717239314,0.0,0.0,0.13105619289464845,0.0,0.0,0.1746866526727988,0.1644072311934575,0.0,0.07854840764172777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521328019981511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705609147984566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304774624283712,0.0,0.0,0.3268436576161486,0.24455906719672865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299902571421857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730422932734734,0.0,0.12785776668888574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677273683547172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27245473600395553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922792111348766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483151058285144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276946959244653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ScaryCourgette,2019/03/05,"Meaning Life makes sense if you feel motivated to live it and I don't. I lose at the social and community hurdle, I am isolated and I am lonely. Connecting with others is too hard and if life is about succeeding in the human interaction arena I feel as though I ought to quit. It would be better if I had a partner but I never will and it would be better if I had a job and I doubt I will get one anyway I don't have the networks",0.8828502415458921,2.779026608695652,3.7879710144927534,86.11161835748794,81.82608695652175,6.697584541062803,20.004830917874393,7.793537801064563,0.7702425120772953,336,9,73,6,9,120,56,92,0.091,0.7759999999999999,0.133,0.5689,1,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,6,4,6,0,1,5,0,16,2,0,2,1,22,21,13,0,7,5,0,3,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,3,13,3,7,12,0,3,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,5,1,61,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160082708864508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378356234223572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287570503476275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068170723408533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333871960114084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322396198073627,0.0,0.0,0.2076747754894372,0.0,0.0,0.2631145324356905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698941005768596,0.0,0.0,0.2561880168432428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139101513454792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936906314891058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501507406029402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23974392774399064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23107041799506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33414075007052285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reginleif-I,2019/03/05,Sometimes I wish my girlfriend would break up so I can kill myself Damn it. Should have just given up instead of possibly hurting her. ,3.0838666666666685,6.0496787199999975,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,81.8,4.933333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.5319333333333338,108,5,18,1,3,33,23,25,0.324,0.5920000000000001,0.084,-0.8261,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216435589486669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357562949650574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440266940936156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895452633641725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529284599323574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279792339962271,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Userur,2019/03/05,"To anyone at the end of their rope If you feel like it will never get any better, remember the last time you felt that way and things improved. I remember having a huge argument that changed my life in august of 2013. On the night of that argument, I felt that I would never be able to get over this. And for the next 6 months I would ruminate over that argument, and all that was said during it. In part I needed to have that argument. I needed to hear some of what I heard. I call it the shattering event, because the egoconstruct I had before, an ego construct that was an illusion I gained when I was given a false sense of entitlement, got shattered. It was like a fire in a forest of old, unhealthy growth. The fire burned down the old growth, turning it to ash and burnt debris. The ash settles and turns to nourishing soil. The seeds from the old growth got stratified during the fire and the winter that followed, as the old forest desolved into the ground from which it once came. And then, in spring, new growth sprouts. A new life sprouts from out of the ground, growing off the memories and experiences of the old life, but this time in a unique and different way. What is meant to stay will stay. People in your life that are meant to be there will be there whether or not they are actually there. A lot of my values, the values I try to live by were realized and are the result of that experience. Looking back to the times right before the argument, to the spring of 2013, I realize I was standing on the edge of something different. I didn't know it then, though I see it now I feel it when I remember the time. It is a truly wonderful sensation. And following that event, was a period of quiet. Of tranquil dissonance, and loneliness. Of pleasant confusion, and beautiful heartache. And then I started to realize my flaws. I also started seeing the flaws in my family, in the way that they acted in that argument. I noticed how it was dysfunctional, and I could see the inconscientiousness of their behavior. And also mine. Then I met a girl that I fell in love with, especially after helping her deal with problems in her life, using the knowledge I gained from the recent experiences in my own. This was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had, especially because of its profound distinction, like colors on an empty canvas. The canvas makes the colors stand out, which is the distinction of the time. One year after that argument, I didn't care about it. I was in a new life, and on my way to something beautiful. Right now you may be stuck in a ditch, feeling like as if it will never change. That's the way I feel now, as the life I once had has collapsed over the last two years. And it is filled with the old, the new growth that has grown wrong, that has ben afflicted with a sickness that has stifled the great potential it had, and the beautiful growth and foliage it brought. A change needs to occur in my life. I hope that one day I will look back on this time and know that I was on the edge of something different, just as I do now when I look back to the last time my life turned around. And I hope that whoever is reading this that has found your life traveling into an abyss of dark emptiness, of pain and incongruence, of a life that you never wanted, that wasn't supposed to be, but that slowly but surely came to be, will too one day, find yourself looking back on this time and realize that you were approaching the edge of something different. God bless.",6.252211111111113,6.470511345185188,6.409916666666668,79.16287500000003,65.91851851851851,10.127777777777778,31.097222222222214,9.948597397169383,2.8188111111111107,2758,96,538,57,40,882,259,675,0.09,0.759,0.151,0.9944,5,0,4,0,0,0,79.0,0,7,4,3,23,18,0,1,64,0,51,14,0,4,9,93,100,46,0,12,9,0,9,4,0,9,13,4,0,1,56,35,0,0,21,2,0,18,8,4,0,5,34,22,57,14,91,50,6,126,1,0,9,1,22,38,0,11,65,391,113,1,0.051891576531792036,0.0,0.0506386932451229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299535000912775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03528805147959972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628379685027982,0.0,0.0,0.04619450476639442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960567710834506,0.0,0.06326524682716074,0.0,0.08831181926669825,0.0,0.0,0.04589388251813223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052987101465028885,0.1187002789572949,0.05290692066644613,0.0,0.16468322217939832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041431201404623724,0.0,0.0,0.06693154795997634,0.053497936852798335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686261166663054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045960534571248254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693890182182865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303967624381905,0.048918760122129416,0.0,0.10495176104757488,0.07414270528547898,0.09964810231279644,0.0,0.047427960854884765,0.0,0.0,0.05689643526817046,0.0,0.0,0.054222413984046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300486827640978,0.05721064631965874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848557811623724,0.0,0.034781829921772194,0.0,0.0,0.10308008824824344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703650675981445,0.12689568224961012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40317810632704654,0.1014064125946344,0.0,0.0458212127753258,0.0,0.17430342023678916,0.0,0.0,0.04411636270699226,0.04683417380235527,0.0,0.03463803027966665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141936131315856,0.0,0.0,0.11543083944763514,0.160087931342152,0.20046883188514011,0.055187280338661375,0.048696729343288336,0.0,0.0,0.05907890381649874,0.32670888280429583,0.11052567089701773,0.14065230088999395,0.0,0.05521629605800373,0.0,0.0,0.05619352058671296,0.0,0.03597508540832658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965323063043678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190561912936173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051236671578706455,0.0,0.1763491216566905,0.08863024565478653,0.04936077233319162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405260421232925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979468322890522,0.0,0.0,0.0734582499073621,0.11061903237787278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890719676963101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03447445767025107,0.0,0.05098321047456101,0.0,0.2420671646135381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03523097421254345,0.16932940267583524,0.05069053013058649,0.0,0.0,0.04481766114036291,0.0,0.0,0.03060699630283919,0.20594559048432487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627420120227338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737245742522405,0.05673529286135876,0.0,0.06683294790861591
suicidewatch,Versti,2019/03/05,"The only reason I'm still alive... (Contain slurs)

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Basically I've been a good student until the 7th grade, after that it's been a downhill, I realized what I want to do with my life; adventure and actually f###ing live, instead of waking up at 6am, go to school at 7, get back at 3pm, study until 5pm, cry in my bed with the excuse that I'm napping, ""waking up"" at 6pm, eat for the first time in the day, watch TV sit on my butt and then repeat, I'm in 10th grade, I wake up EVERYDAY in the morning and the first thing I think about is ""I want to suicide today"", while I'm preparing myself for school I plan out how I'm gnna jump on the road infront of a truck because it's the easiest way to go out, seems painless, but then realize I want to do shit in my life, and not be a f###ing whining little bitch, the only thing that's been keeping me alive, is faith, faith in myself and in my future, faith in my personallity, not faith in any god, the only reason I'm not dead is because I want to live out my dreams, yet they seem so far away, we are sold the idea that school gives us jobs, yet... the way I see my future doesn't include academics in it, but no, I'm just a dumb whining kid that's dreaming, I think to myself.

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I tried to talk to the school counselor, but she thinks that it's because my father left me and it will pass, even though that's not the reason, I don't give a single shit about my father, never even truly talked to him, used to see him for an hour a day, which was spent smoking.

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Honestly, I'm scared for my life, only thing keeping me alive.. as I said, is faith in my future, I'm scared that one day I'll lose all the faith, and I would have nothing left to live for, I want to finish this, but I also want to live as myself.",12.99689754689755,4.866533841269842,12.140389610389613,69.22733766233769,61.116402116402114,14.803655603655605,44.41654641654641,8.575989854853784,3.9959703703703706,1384,38,311,10,11,459,174,378,0.102,0.745,0.152,0.8702,1,0,0,0,0,1,81.0,2,0,1,4,14,19,4,2,24,0,17,10,6,5,2,47,50,22,2,7,9,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,19,13,1,3,11,4,2,4,8,9,0,3,7,4,41,9,54,40,2,61,6,3,3,1,16,29,5,2,25,192,60,9,0.0,0.0,0.06825162118920679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055931214119888266,0.0,0.3031210429397955,0.33994036681950984,0.047561786605202966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571119238391462,0.05377975573399485,0.0,0.1279048307976898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682610996589079,0.1353170776403724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156636381614769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238978646016746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898232750148414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036540907970209945,0.13418617314321427,0.07949734220449425,0.058662585919082924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887708429108072,0.0,0.0,0.0789540593921328,0.0,0.0,0.06940493280152914,0.12433226323325385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198063085738955,0.0,0.14820265773454272,0.0,0.07009853136325814,0.24703418325849325,0.0,0.0,0.07824527975353113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394225317998618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710958192727713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047393341655092805,0.2127709286643236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573075938324854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652921943668329,0.0,0.14004483659273287,0.28313317637932706,0.11146669088595863,0.12734200252332722,0.0,0.0,0.14358537821409387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585439542962944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765033110962235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243069046611294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393956365080532,0.1344447160026062,0.06871596688870861,0.0,0.04078273786996808,0.0,0.06629520454200566,0.0,0.0,0.0474848569737296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412954151886437,0.060405943256304086,0.0,0.0,0.2475155242204469,0.1110306726066824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049683565982264866,0.0,0.33994036681950984,0.0
suicidewatch,TorrentPrincess,2019/03/05,"I'm not good at anything, I'm wasting everyone's time, I should just kill myself. It doesn't get better. Everything ends up constantly proving to me that I would be better off dead. I've never held a job down for more than a few months at 23 and I'm pathetic, I've been in and out of the hospital and done all the programs and read all the books and it's not getting better. Nothing gets better. 

No one thinks I'm trying hard enough even though I am, I've sent out resumes and been to interviews and everything. I'm a joke, I'm not good at anything, I can barely keep a job, I can't cook everyone in my family hates me I'm the family failure. I don't want to be here anymore. 

I'm not going to get better I just get worst. 

It's been months since I've looked at suicide forums and planning and I'm back at it again. I don't want to be here. ",0.8877627772420453,2.592410196721314,3.180912889746065,91.43013500482158,80.91256830601094,6.491674702667954,21.693667630986823,7.5105763829236425,0.7193943426550944,658,20,150,10,17,226,94,183,0.274,0.7040000000000001,0.022,-0.9922,2,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,6,8,11,2,0,8,0,15,1,0,0,4,28,38,10,3,4,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,2,2,4,0,2,10,3,0,1,6,2,12,8,20,27,6,22,0,0,1,0,2,12,0,0,8,90,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196910183704866,0.0,0.0,0.19863346166307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280236066476616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336978878092085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042189037559732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350670853787588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068945963051442,0.12470395801996922,0.0,0.07971391992951601,0.0,0.0,0.2306469468560936,0.216934910614246,0.0,0.2275496211601697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152750021069645,0.0,0.06859031732723525,0.20245634743741794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811360256013748,0.11915536182825448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395303406590212,0.10727389309752433,0.1335244528407327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134833022848068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926655530920098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308276630038452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158043122561097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178196284748543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207216202892612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998351549952862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201413378515478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733261245277588,0.11857629056881495,0.0,0.0703747032140761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193988170543805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237095127051647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573397454989437,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-needshelp,2019/03/05,"Trapped in bad situation and I need help | 17F To start off, I know rule number 2 is that this isn't a hotline, but I'm in a region in which I have no other support and I don't know where to go. I've been trapped in a very unstable situation for the last two years, with extreme poverty, living in a bunch of different places, and isolation. I've developed depression from it and where I live there's not much I can do about it. I've been in a depressive episode for the last two days, and I'm starting to scare myself. I think the tolls of isolation are beginning to get too much. I can't get out of this immense funk. I keep think about how I'm in high school and have had to be an adult since my elementary days, how I don't really leave the house, and how I'll have no positive experiences to remeber my teens by. Another thing weighing on me is that while I'm poor right now soon going to be poor but have my own actual expenses and that my social skills will be completely shot by the time i graduate and rejoin the 'real world'. Something in my mind keeps telling me I'm a ohrrible person who's done something to deserve this situation and the only way out is to do something like this because absolutely everything will just keep going downhill. I don't want to, but something is telling me to. On top of that, I just was on my fan instagram account 15 minutes ago and found that I'd become the butt of a ""roast"" between some big accounts. I deleted my account and now my feelings have come to a head. When I say I'm scaring myself i mean I think I'm starting to lose control. I don't have any friends - I'm not exaggerating, my situation has made it so I can't make friends, and my schooling is online and no one is allowed to talk outside of our classes. I don't speak the local language where I live, and random old men groping you is basically the norm, so I've only left my house about 20 times in the last year and had close to 0 social interactions. My mom is the only person in my life, my only support, and only reason to stay, but right now I just feel so broken. Everything is telling me to go ahead act on these feelings. I don't think I will but like I said, Im genuinely scaring myself. I don't know if I just need someone to talk to, or just a suggestion on how to deal with my life, but I do need something. I need a distraction from all of these wildly heavy thoughts and feelings. 

​

Again, I'm really really sorry if this isn't the appropriate subreddit.  I don't really know what's going on with me but I'm scared that in one of my low moments I'll act on these dark thoughts that are clouding me. ",4.7872174786539405,4.859289432780847,5.995596852502931,81.38446509291816,69.03683241252303,9.30741670852168,31.55583458898376,9.178173031916092,2.5216880294659294,2074,82,437,37,33,698,233,543,0.163,0.7829999999999999,0.055,-0.9962,2,4,5,0,0,0,51.0,1,1,0,5,26,16,0,5,24,0,46,5,2,9,1,80,97,37,0,7,17,1,4,2,2,3,2,3,0,4,23,25,1,4,17,0,6,8,17,10,0,4,11,7,57,6,63,80,6,69,0,4,0,1,24,35,1,5,26,280,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.06389091753603877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058036696037271365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093854043487234,0.07955526024585735,0.04452298909407067,0.06865276748875877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466611997929728,0.03991092985323594,0.07230832926843621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639805705570958,0.06864581325673287,0.0,0.07343205888678055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444763751248917,0.06749842961517466,0.11278132808318335,0.0,0.0,0.06840397308226917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700026229115445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768345285313198,0.06404386833524403,0.0,0.0,0.13241779913028204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178632031866967,0.10116651869457673,0.0,0.06841250353144318,0.0,0.18604532927654502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719283463632647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043884288572128616,0.06917442701093368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109106199109812,0.0,0.0,0.0707206518976414,0.0,0.0,0.17458271845184595,0.0,0.0,0.1439260974723511,0.1601044784280658,0.0,0.0693250582072848,0.07113517440315527,0.0,0.09248917089397853,0.0639723137537056,0.0,0.17343808494376492,0.0,0.0,0.07324606550309609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195088884580996,0.04370285634142305,0.0,0.0,0.071317855722754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610773525984022,0.07667964303433727,0.0,0.0,0.09625843954016154,0.19418569139255015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870151706752096,0.0,0.08873061271463806,0.2489708233390001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433469527445655,0.06840397308226917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452110805023253,0.16777134475774194,0.06731579371344328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182491793218237,0.06227856274626259,0.05206570961805417,0.2621943024998586,0.13252167573880996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415885217693192,0.294371656313514,0.0,0.1334802701541991,0.05547394396213341,0.25201649851664343,0.0,0.07329018810642354,0.13902358117105507,0.06978410206361083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859297843378158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105247316443617,0.17167540837441056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349647652730074,0.16780644158797986,0.0,0.1039544050009688,0.07635412893477375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791264042909767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402099465940273,0.03861689454237409,0.051968373965937946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955526024585735,0.08432323367528853
suicidewatch,kivolo,2019/03/05,"I have nobody to talk to People just want me to die. Is that it? Why the fuck am i such a failure? I fucked up, i fucked up my life.",-3.5922580645161277,-2.1747024838709663,-0.23006451612902976,107.75490322580644,106.09677419354836,2.4800000000000004,9.425806451612903,3.1291,-2.3735212903225804,97,1,28,0,5,34,24,31,0.483,0.486,0.032,-0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,0,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052894847388222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8158327853574876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077724418032825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039320673488428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643299771602505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735019656112257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654317740921985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peglegpeggypoo,2019/03/05,"need some advice (serious)  

People who have known people who committed suicide, would you have preferred that it had been an accident?  I'm going to kill myself soon.  I don't need anyone to talk me out of doing it.  I've tried to find a reason to live for quite some time now but every time I analyze my life and future it just reinforces the cold truth of what I already know, that I have no hope for a life that I could possibly enjoy and my life causes a lot of pain and suffering to those around me.  I'm very aware that I would be hurting my family and others who love me.  I have experienced friends dying and it hurts, but time passes and the pain goes away.  I would be most sad for my parents and my children because I know this will cause them a lot of pain.  This is what hurts me the most, but my children are young and I can't wait much longer.  If I do it now, they will not remember who I was and will have a lot of time to form meaningful attachments to other adults.  It may sound cruel but I know it would be better for them than having to experience and watch as their mother slowly falls apart and deal with the effects all of that would bring.  I can already see that my poor mental and emotional health has already had an impact on my children and their self-confidence.  I cannot give them a lifetime of my problems.    


   I am fairly committed to following through with this.  My children are away, being watched by my parents, and I have my means to my end all set up and ready on my desk.  I have never been close to anyone who committed suicide and so I cannot say I would know how this would have an effect on someone else.  I am asking people who have been close to people who have committed suicide if they would have found it less painful if they had died from an accident.  I suppose it might be hard to really know that answer.  But I guess this is why I wanted some input.  I am going to shoot myself up with some heroin that I mixed a significant amount of fentanyl into.  I have struggled with heroin addiction in the past although I have been clean for quite some time now.  To others, it will appear that I relapsed, a fairly common part of recovery, and they can pin all of their frustrations and pain on the evil opioid epidemic.  I'm hoping that this will limit a lot of the guilt that seems to take hold of the people who are left behind after a suicide takes place.  But this is all just in theory really.  I feel a deep sadness about leaving behind my kids and there is a part of me that wonders if it would be better to express in writing to them that they were truly everything to me.  So I guess to people who have lost those to suicide.  Would you have preferred that their death had been an accident or is it more important to hear from the person one last time to know that they truly loved and cared about you?  ",6.585873015873016,5.810921899470903,6.744315696649032,80.37213492063493,65.45502645502647,9.74694885361552,30.011111111111113,8.936278230431713,2.1946567195767197,2235,63,449,31,30,719,238,567,0.214,0.672,0.114,-0.9976,2,0,1,1,0,6,39.0,0,3,14,8,13,30,4,2,26,0,71,12,0,6,10,114,108,36,9,23,14,3,2,0,1,17,10,3,1,7,50,29,0,3,21,0,1,7,7,20,0,1,13,10,71,10,70,71,22,46,0,7,3,2,47,20,0,25,18,355,121,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460732251730504,0.0,0.05791282529613434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620036754140324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287857877123875,0.0,0.0,0.05275819007969198,0.055404538705648536,0.0,0.1113623621963232,0.0,0.0,0.036127239965284025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482970602806872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604243598057175,0.12176244169837762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047318078416229516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061099352306609685,0.0,0.0,0.12301490229620707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950809180168877,0.06666486405557856,0.05249097552482388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049933105787675035,0.0,0.05326333358809948,0.057972295011934474,0.05586952946108188,0.0,0.02996603701320808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416690549076978,0.0,0.0,0.06498073660308494,0.045787796861303055,0.0,0.0,0.056852146008885676,0.06736304345611799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057360174864058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530895729255082,0.0,0.0,0.06299565518655806,0.06679567759803813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772653298771847,0.0,0.0,0.19033241363869974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556766224197909,0.0,0.1954221317232316,0.04830867912588778,0.0,0.06275281038732293,0.06439132150229154,0.0,0.12558133135575175,0.0,0.0,0.052331857771993937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469447268882851,0.2015390757918324,0.10697749683367144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455668402064395,0.0,0.0,0.0597249262044048,0.0628705315058254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356640845927627,0.08788811857504804,0.045708626783234785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015932665057295,0.0,0.3153093487695465,0.0,0.13161297704917993,0.1283558923449104,0.0565749073795587,0.24652028249295874,0.05174769151868073,0.06191904721863056,0.0,0.0,0.06681209804917985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670835942324216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607070789353372,0.0,0.0,0.0759330295441602,0.0609340309003586,0.0,0.0,0.06713540587998522,0.0,0.0,0.04712970587884538,0.0,0.0,0.04722633067873813,0.053952400243155715,0.061826056743393185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021482818642525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195638178284407,0.0,0.32413007322026377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911942897546643,0.04763475908532922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207346504968224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040236873273079815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889962334629328,0.03495588353808552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053477216524825344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427009053622768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209997619428597,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,General_Gengar,2019/03/05,"Friends ghosted me, school destroyed me, and the FAFSA left me for dead. About a week ago now, I texted a friend on Saturday night asking if he wanted to do something. I had been trying to do things with people for weeks now. The answer I got was a resounding nothing at all. I was crushed, but the worst was yet to come. I get on Snapchat the next day to find out that not only was it his birthday, but that all of my friends had gone out to celebrate with him.

Except me.

Imagine finding out one day that your friends thought you weren't worth it. That you weren't good enough. The people who you cared about couldn't give a fuck about you.

School in general has been kicking my ass lately. I'm only doing well in two of my four classes. The other two are extremely hard and are eating me alive.

I don't even known if I can finish this semester. I didn't go to school last semester, and I filed my FAFSA very late. Today, it was fully processed. What did I get?

Nothing.

I got literally nothing.

No loan options, no grants. Absolutely nothing.

I still owe 2300 dollars to the school. I have 1500 in my bank account. I don't make very much money (I made about 14k last year) and I can't sign up for classes for the fall semester until this semester is fully paid. I'm gonna miss my opportunity to get into the classes I need all because I submitted the FAFSA too late. I'm gonna be broke for at least a month trying to pay this back.

I really think it's time to end it all. My friends don't care, my school doesn't care, and I don't see a way out of this mess.",1.9085564360676808,3.7391577888198775,3.2887920325551505,91.26003105590065,78.25465838509318,6.180509745127437,23.21524951809809,7.0983637204850245,0.7025524523452562,1216,39,265,14,29,397,168,322,0.132,0.743,0.125,-0.1121,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,5,0,1,12,17,2,0,16,0,30,3,1,2,4,38,59,10,2,5,6,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,17,13,1,0,7,0,9,4,13,6,1,4,19,2,40,11,39,36,8,44,0,2,1,2,16,14,2,3,25,174,57,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830162611218383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257916865680505,0.0,0.0,0.06792240881328111,0.0,0.05384680590967364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27018328367746725,0.0,0.0,0.0760908163034259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139345929395026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038642429771616,0.0,0.0,0.07823657090358077,0.0912713120290531,0.0,0.058342928119256225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614690106131491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34122819968967505,0.08166217576859343,0.1384506003618131,0.08473679347303073,0.0502015200988518,0.07408929416764763,0.14129549020328866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912876632409054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400591194589096,0.29892946516838964,0.0,0.09597375815404413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358255495121285,0.05896277615601975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050633393165841,0.0,0.06493471249789591,0.06549759222161199,0.0,0.0,0.0939428492612114,0.08289427339302567,0.0,0.3390305066835085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059856536776531036,0.1343620271520165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247757109734048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658820197622263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44698713977430893,0.07038974093586242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800284298844013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054262386676974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058684333788588464,0.0566000399126777,0.0,0.07012631239270567,0.05150751907149074,0.0,0.0837290895766535,0.0,0.0,0.11994423640608325,0.0,0.17257646333742455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576748901461778,0.05210092656082172,0.07011440115966908,0.14171035881061572,0.0,0.07942172312991909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056883375231874936
suicidewatch,throwaway3981124,2019/03/05,"What should I include in my suicide note? (X-post from r/depression) I’m gonna show my appreciation to my parents for raising me up to this while. I’m gonna say that I love them. I’m gonna say that none of these are their faults. I’m gonna convince them I’m not going to hell(?) because they might be devastated if they have to know their son is going to hell eternally since they’re pretty religious. I’m gonna mention all the memories worthwhile that I get to spend them that I wish I doesn’t forget. 

What else should I add? 

Should I include “to the other that care about me...” or should I name them one by one but I’m afraid i might be missing some of people i truly care and they (might) care about me

Thoughts?

Edit: Also should I write using my native language(easier for my parents to understand) or stick with english (i’m more comfortable to use it and they are better vocabulary so i can convey my feeling through words better",2.19198830409357,4.296662842105263,3.4940350877193005,88.81269005847956,78.47368421052632,6.3274853801169595,23.71345029239766,7.3871296695380915,0.9816783625730988,740,25,153,10,18,241,105,190,0.073,0.7170000000000001,0.21,0.9796,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,10,2,4,13,2,1,2,0,16,1,0,2,1,30,44,9,1,7,5,3,1,0,0,13,0,2,0,0,11,4,0,0,4,1,1,2,3,5,0,2,1,3,31,8,21,28,4,6,2,1,0,1,19,2,2,7,2,97,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158707179368704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832530460453766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562918098761689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431835914259736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247959543072861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103934020355755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326215203613175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570050654537434,0.0,0.16469183192703807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962929231750965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077140687670447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611250832809824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636621909304475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32177260978003003,0.0,0.0,0.10045042218978743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876724808546942,0.14740806511679472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044913653361954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985681950158295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848920358256774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502869665600625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508385122784554,0.0,0.25028171202430505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661956662634864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lost1alone2broken3,2019/03/05,"Empty After I turned 12 its been the same. I dont want to live, but I don't want to die either. Im 18 and im still the same. constantly thinking about suicide but I dont have the balls to do it. I dont even know what it feels like to be happy anymore. I wake up and its just blank...nothing, I hate all the things I used to love. The only thing that hasn't changed is the music, I love music but its just darker now. Im just counting down the days till the end. Maybe that'll be soon. Just not soon enough. ",-0.9114567733151802,0.984572530973452,1.1663716814159315,102.18221919673249,89.17699115044249,3.830905377808033,14.886997957794414,4.713530739802397,-1.3118231449965965,388,7,99,1,13,128,66,113,0.123,0.6809999999999999,0.196,0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,1,0,8,0,12,3,1,1,1,20,22,6,2,2,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,1,9,4,10,18,5,11,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,10,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443415290604006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539673094681212,0.0,0.0,0.15728243719583554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386448317158852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105272949134774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117329616191927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890966831963496,0.15038688972275294,0.0,0.09613109861267448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359192420418477,0.1039773757619717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493535693241425,0.0,0.14369555340233015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47164072095787396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799877246545112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110593433586852,0.0,0.12851889987732673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26272008657891394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621951322234802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965435109838314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069352960437262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623242353335105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920260507059186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338725910083174,0.09325935796717597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831116369244755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570414783818004,0.0,0.0,0.17169242170335947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PleaseMakeItStop651,2019/03/05,"I'm mentally ill, but I don't let on how bad it is. I've always been an avoider. When I was a kid, any time I did anything bad there would be punishments ranging from facing the wall for hours at a time, up to beatings. I learned that if I just kept quiet, things had a chance of working themselves out.

I've been able to function ok as an adult, but my avoidance has now gotten me to a point where my life is on the precipice of failure, and over gone back to avoiding and hiding. I'm $3000 in debt and it's going to ruin my life and family. I know what the consequences will be once this comes out. I will lose everything I hold dear. 

So what's the use? I'm just a burden on my family at this point. I love my wife and kids, but they're better off without me. I have a plan on how to do it. I just can't take it anymore. Every living minute and hour is just a living hell. I'm a complete failure. ",1.4265192307692305,2.697760687179489,3.202099358974362,93.81237980769232,78.02564102564101,6.105769230769233,22.443910256410255,6.6274283507984215,0.3382371794871797,694,20,164,6,16,232,117,195,0.268,0.649,0.083,-0.9923,1,3,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,5,12,14,2,3,14,1,19,5,1,3,0,29,32,15,0,2,9,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,3,10,9,0,5,2,0,1,3,3,10,0,0,8,2,18,4,24,18,0,26,1,2,0,1,5,16,1,1,7,107,28,2,0.1613263388729011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423643752580836,0.0,0.0,0.10970744254945616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999237848151016,0.0,0.0,0.13275783099747898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404999651265408,0.2694015087063918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268003668721108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896835612872627,0.1691475969461954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592439844836074,0.0,0.1449897109965826,0.0,0.3041682292257876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168547614840794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177478941470702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866073679629803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496711169140818,0.2278991282651611,0.0,0.0,0.2849082257206276,0.0,0.0,0.18048290751944954,0.0,0.0,0.14560331943359026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257900522402993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180728577751742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501107103174097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129732952182652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717805108817613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881413710976789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393341592578387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551283372964878,0.0,0.11744749608689466,0.0,0.0,0.11460160245652268,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WorldlyBite0,2019/03/05,"My gf and I lost our unborn child. I need help finding therapist fast. Last week we suffered the loss of our unborn child to fetal abnormality. Everything has felt surreal and awful because even though it was unplanned, we decided to keep the child. After our child was found to be non-viable, we had to go through the process of a medical abortion. The clinic was so wonderful to us but we still had to deal with protesters and strange/cruel state restrictions made to shame us even though there was nothing we could do. 

​

I'm stuck in a hole because I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this besides my gf because of judgements that my friends and family might make. She's works very hard though and has a more robust support system. The pain is unbearable and the emotional seclusion is drawing me to a dark part of my mind that I've never experienced before.

​

I need help finding a therapist or something. I want to grieve and talk but these awful thoughts of self-harm make me feel like I need help fast.  I just can't keep doing this by myself. I feel so alone. I need help. ",4.7517429577464805,6.351834276995309,4.94741490610329,83.30309419014085,70.07981220657277,7.954107981220656,29.744424882629108,8.472884824447931,2.2054509389671364,883,35,166,14,16,277,124,213,0.162,0.708,0.13,-0.6875,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,10,0,0,3,11,11,1,1,11,2,18,3,0,3,1,42,40,15,1,6,4,0,5,2,3,1,3,0,0,4,6,13,0,3,10,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,12,6,28,4,21,25,2,11,0,4,0,0,25,1,0,3,9,107,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267224759552508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482187416500806,0.2409157279094333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931633926795472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129229960570747,0.0,0.08435517444494714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914990883374744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220212499606664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151166930319444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095327786279784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909465766119505,0.0,0.0934540943216384,0.0,0.15037439243669407,0.14164176188668653,0.09518355666888254,0.0,0.18121216139369464,0.0,0.0,0.10869459517865517,0.07659017586029575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633976406876628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880400467900898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26578796405087546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622854255123155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080690671879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968630891684323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821575572713556,0.0,0.0,0.0938023672777934,0.13234455414610474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986641497985144,0.0,0.10516481234175712,0.10009641795746528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29402447460329234,0.0764577464660515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512111745347344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548486770746818,0.0,0.0,0.10735175135397534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341769823669016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631769162427614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791680167775722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124953442769654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935925401519124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302029067631173,0.0,0.0,0.2921940222083147,0.07870080203623163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384904143433533,0.0,0.0,0.08179539109382346,0.05847141489781204,0.0,0.07951878912998203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750588309888646,0.07217025528986025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409157279094333,0.0
suicidewatch,GramTooNoob,2019/03/05,"I tried, can I go now? I haven't spoke or brought my problems onto Reddit since the end of 2018 cause I learnt that living in Singapore, it almost impossible to find someone else online that can relate when everyone just think  from their position where  better options exist. Not to mention when the social worker that offered help asked me **""Should I kill myself too just cause others are more fortunate?""**

Honestly, I tried being as fair as I could to many different perspective of things but no matter how I tried, I always end up with the conclusion that everyone only care about themselves. The only way they could live on was by making sure that they do not make other's problems into their problem. By that, I refer to families and close friends too. All they do is offer pointless verbal questions and do nothing else beyond that. 

Strong and dependable doesn't make me iron will. I am tired of people asking the wrong questions, caring about the wrong things. Often not noticing that I need help too. I also tired of having a hard time trying to find a Singaporean to make friends with online. They are almost non-existence and while I embrace the western mindset a lot, timezone and high pings have only made things troublesome. Perhaps I would migrate, I once thought but having watch how things progressed on Reddit, I understand that being Asian means that folks are less willing to care, much less put in any effort. Not really racist, its just not their problem and they are just using their rights to not have to care when they can care about someone closer, more directly. I get it, I don't blame anyone. I just blame myself for not being that sparkling socialite that everyone wants to befriend and be proud to show off to their friends. My life savings is on its last stretch and I have almost lost interest in everything. Not even the launch of Division 2 next week is enough to make me wanna stay on, even though I pre ordered it. 

I'm only still here cause I haven't used up all my savings. There's no harm in waiting longer before I leave this world, that's just all I can say atm. I'm sure there's more that life has to offer as everyone keep saying but I'm not sure what that has got to do with me. Don't have the means to afford / discover them anyway =) Just feel somewhat bad that after I jump out the widow, someone needs to clean up the mess and repair the structure damage that I landed on. I just want to be a good person, that's how I tried to live my life but the end result is being socially perceived as weak. I really really want to go, if the world would just let me go and stop asking me to help them fix their problems.",5.15827450980392,6.460182729411766,5.205588235294119,82.97348039215689,68.76470588235293,7.784313725490197,26.911764705882355,8.07648339933343,1.6769411764705875,2112,65,389,27,36,660,246,510,0.13,0.7,0.16899999999999998,0.9703,2,0,0,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,14,8,34,33,1,0,18,0,45,6,0,17,6,105,85,29,1,17,24,0,2,0,3,5,6,3,1,1,31,16,0,3,13,1,1,6,16,14,0,0,7,6,56,19,59,64,12,50,0,2,1,0,35,26,0,12,15,279,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564373953121546,0.0,0.0,0.04941941996776493,0.0514204512918213,0.0,0.0,0.04202440343278637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043210232726817566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733168966278543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051598311947591936,0.0,0.0,0.0525851012614361,0.0,0.0,0.05465484641887537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150332315399319,0.1904490950922883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868051363161763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645652104610732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324772457869433,0.0,0.1642026662700763,0.06385331316735353,0.0,0.08163330136228159,0.0,0.0,0.2362005498869205,0.05553958753324064,0.0,0.05825716140752432,0.0,0.031246661138221558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296354870216173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323373212416246,0.0,0.03228663109498152,0.0,0.1053627907746786,0.05183279168079757,0.049425087601531435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055358401060676736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426463843786835,0.06529242728508658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492843691088415,0.06836975215633125,0.0,0.0,0.05037319169085855,0.0,0.0654346052092068,0.0,0.06319210705997479,0.13094815655571404,0.0,0.0,0.16370491291334502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745924610360544,0.052538004980455334,0.0,0.058474266864143136,0.20625147855376752,0.06265294210143778,0.0,0.13463113783855998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045428256046548134,0.0916440922094543,0.0,0.0,0.0657223177837104,0.0,0.0,0.05929634579389425,0.0703568370666945,0.0,0.06581229607053858,0.0,0.1879990636007772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284258946976608,0.053959173208547435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956591974143099,0.0,0.062123532884336,0.13845463433942232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876713839333256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527747076357694,0.0,0.09828766803506478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111951150744126,0.0,0.0,0.12598949076454552,0.15708240496702922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586788798298526,0.04935154489701933,0.05166545781469279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473017196785331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164221990902353,0.03959732793890914,0.06071570731300448,0.04906029383096571,0.03603460575540336,0.1420542178916404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978215168581094,0.0,0.0,0.06433335288095128,0.0,0.10674635712121147,0.0,0.0,0.10934925901816088,0.04905196074495667,0.049570208420538234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779830909841194,0.13513167976766227,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HandOfBl00d,2019/03/05,"3 year relationship ended, student loan payments went up, already had a mental breakdown and waiting for another one. I just feel like I've fucked up somewhere along the line and I'm being punished for it right now. My ex and I are friendly still but we were engaged to be married and that's gone. I was already struggling to afford life and now I need to find a new place to live. I'm probably going to be couch surfing for a couple months, I'm losing my cat for awhile (stupid but I'm gonna miss him), I've got a cavity that I can't afford to get filled now... and all of this has gone down in a two week span.

The one bright spot is that I managed to cut weed out cold turkey but... I'm honestly kind of hoping that my car just explodes or something when I go into work today. I'm just tired.",2.5075080608014737,3.760590197604792,3.975688622754493,89.43926761860895,75.16766467065868,6.336066328880701,24.822201750345464,6.67199483983844,0.7816793182865043,621,20,134,5,13,206,110,167,0.119,0.769,0.112,-0.0644,2,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,8,14,4,1,7,0,10,3,0,0,1,23,30,11,0,2,7,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,2,0,1,7,1,7,0,3,7,3,12,7,20,19,1,27,0,2,1,1,5,9,1,2,12,77,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723724900190334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691718391098152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668499915493586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943546363832932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853096858974238,0.12053329713299993,0.0,0.0,0.15420663371056498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035232408112915,0.15597852713577934,0.08814901359267717,0.0,0.19177444370782046,0.0,0.13494045588063389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675766059180304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569547269724534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917162450518452,0.08242786133442129,0.0,0.14898247462584682,0.0,0.0,0.1887540461276944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002964697997353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467035401514535,0.0,0.0,0.12510342602941013,0.0,0.16295041559705142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286574992150184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176276044341828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190823668313136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18114168057084312,0.0,0.14408559403579554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988857069446225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473966946719207,0.0,0.0,0.1763823313341576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391833026787494,0.15992642796579626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481450755091087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533666498060398,0.0,0.0,0.15640473510999034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282985906340707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086498737472048
suicidewatch,A-Adel,2019/03/05,Feeling weakness Getting into a problem and not being able to get your right is such a bad feeling that stuck in my head and stops me from being able to deal with anyone  i just  can’t talk to anyone I know i will show them my weakness ,4.6154421768707445,4.707164285714286,5.228979591836733,86.66482993197279,69.40816326530611,6.533333333333332,28.578231292517003,3.1291,0.9081782312925166,186,6,38,0,3,60,37,49,0.28800000000000003,0.655,0.056,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,11,11,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,8,0,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,28,9,0,0.5312056157927497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714313177080554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176725035677555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738248323610045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685935202877002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277533009548456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27258510731361385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459683571063409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25414601671410914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268233467144173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220558403078364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348147613155727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Not_Quinn,2019/03/05,"6years of depression It all started when my parents got  divorced when I was 9 now I am 15. Ever since then I've felt nothing but pain. Tried to get into relationships realised I contribute nothing and people only hang around me out of pitty . I used to be excelling in school now I'm failing, life isn't the way it used to be. I'm ending my life very soon (can't change my mind).",0.8979487179487151,3.2493252051282084,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,85.41025641025641,5.005128205128205,22.76923076923077,6.42735559955562,0.5900923076923079,298,11,61,3,9,99,58,78,0.086,0.809,0.105,0.3618,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,2,11,14,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,8,1,9,9,1,15,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,36,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047529800780404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446456853120427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461358369835803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956121004631415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833835504307926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465541466197409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591959337977576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214405170094456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28639254134648795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470247620047685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890554463189001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418753596336093,0.21572214133151235,0.0,0.22511093745602287,0.0,0.0,0.14054949377111167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176593063065973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517655813911045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770278251429455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434954180178528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764235816073925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501923352668555,0.0,0.16727590697408498,0.0,0.16091997091000634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,attentionseeker15,2019/03/05,"I want help. I needed help. Every time my suicidal thoughts attack me, i write it down on a journal. These past few months i want someone, anyone to find it. I need help. I want someone to read it and reach out for me. please. I need help.",-0.9693367346938756,1.0880692857142868,0.7660969387755117,100.47934948979595,101.04081632653059,3.266326530612245,16.32908163265306,5.148860815047168,-0.8686551020408166,181,5,41,1,8,58,32,49,0.136,0.539,0.325,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,7,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,0,6,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,23,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336081781968573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173820603791941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609938634304237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746444417479464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123098830452286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152518917189501,0.0,0.0,0.4250521032837698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240829943531608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974940068759826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911325663813621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238043804286244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901144408524525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516968566681592,0.1114207844576916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381133209107983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AidanTheAlien,2019/03/05,"Everyday is agonising Most of my friends are dead or in jail, or doing drugs and stay away from me since I don’t do the same. All my neighbours hate me. My girlfriend is a great person but she doesn’t want to be around me much anymore. My family hates me and thinks I’m a joke. My cat, my only real friend is sick. The religion I’m involved in will kick me out if they knew what I’m really like... I try to stay positive but I’m sick of this shit. I get threatened all the time and if someone just did hurt me at least I wouldn’t be worried about it anymore. 

I’ll feel a bit better after a sleep. If you’re reading this and you feel down, hang in there. I don’t know what to say. People can be so mean and I deserve it. They won’t hold me prisoner forever. Good luck and Godspeed",0.1982738095238119,2.203593708333333,2.3083333333333336,95.13666666666668,85.13095238095238,5.6380952380952385,20.047619047619047,6.937597516519254,0.2326761904761909,605,18,142,8,18,203,105,168,0.205,0.643,0.151,-0.913,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,1,5,12,3,0,7,0,17,5,2,0,2,31,31,14,1,5,8,0,2,1,4,3,3,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,6,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,3,23,8,16,23,7,14,0,1,0,0,11,8,1,7,4,91,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197277142528997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349927959186734,0.0,0.0,0.1514496490941249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256542227976787,0.17598509698821396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693704872433614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196194594036888,0.0,0.1630118363470477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490804121131107,0.0,0.08421864660948836,0.0,0.0,0.1352041825765723,0.0,0.1777199814863808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182968279240495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256445049181754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858951591601702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875258770991203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559051278690696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849815580989093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259738909992368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175352707983363,0.14075078091678586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124036808057382,0.1834771873520307,0.10326676313531516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281901223445153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546614326005513,0.13334361401255182,0.0,0.16131316031392204,0.0,0.13658147974176085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436285665502368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328836596659843,0.0,0.0,0.09399511887439577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944200926897917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507801722605592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370312019032182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisaway2118,2019/03/05,"I can’t do this anymore I just can’t do this anymore. I am trying to get a promotion at work and my boss just tore me a new one. I honestly feel like a failure at life. I know realistically every day won’t be perfect but it seems like as soon as something good happens something worse happens. 

My boss can’t be happy for me or doesn’t want to see me succeed and proceeded to make me feel like I am not good enough. 

I brought a razor blade to work and am seriously contemplating going to the bathroom and ending it all. 

But the other side of that is, if I fail then I know I’ll lose my job, my house, my car, but most importantly my kids. 

So realistically I won’t do it. But damn I cannot seem to catch a break lately, especially with the intrusive thoughts of wanting to end it all. 

I feel so isolated and alone all the time that it makes this scenario seem right. 

I guess I need someone to talk some sense into me or help me not feel so alone right now. ",3.3047071428571435,4.0893298850000015,4.967428571428575,84.89300000000001,72.65,7.914285714285715,27.285714285714285,8.192908349453996,1.533471428571429,747,26,167,11,14,254,108,200,0.136,0.691,0.173,0.7942,1,2,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,7,7,13,1,0,9,0,16,1,0,4,4,42,38,18,0,4,11,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,10,0,0,4,9,4,0,1,2,5,26,9,17,32,6,21,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,9,13,108,37,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26271081809028063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515583060410742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179347460766118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466367098850865,0.1310470779813165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685793832133453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565118980187762,0.18121169065856685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626231988571696,0.0,0.07207919304458707,0.21275437581696707,0.0,0.0,0.13971518156091445,0.0,0.22430690757269395,0.13501061056197444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501003814272069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634231704333647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258570767505532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940254512440914,0.0,0.14306734526604062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958226510340754,0.1858850516629268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188792902471775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931715679628306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404124784271607,0.0,0.1224911331815439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859418372352172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662059128740094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106538039652993,0.3463779490496335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746083041535724,0.195276558864863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019394261181354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068715047882504,0.07395434247989326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610778870316918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961271037150187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466437867100852,0.0,0.12924841998797104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jonesyymufcc,2019/03/05,"My Friend josh keeps hitting him self getting really worried Hi all,my friend has recently ended his realationship with his ex after finding out she has cheated on him . Ever since then he's been drinkiny heavily and hitting him self I'm getting really worried . He's now been saying he's going to hang him self . What should I do ? ",3.706666666666667,6.20739736507937,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,75.34920634920636,7.374603174603175,29.54761904761905,8.344100000000001,2.551076190476191,266,12,45,5,6,87,44,63,0.124,0.78,0.096,-0.223,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,13,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,9,2,5,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,18,2,0,0,6,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775534921087454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813330939677293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832224135758776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097592737572764,0.0,0.20947056084626312,0.0,0.11392952298105577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818350964340632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25684747572630323,0.0,0.1979361216681593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941871487775405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273896894664202,0.0,0.0,0.16582765656394433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40716617731407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hxs214,2019/03/05,"My moods are up and down like crazy and right now is a huge “down” and I don’t know what to do with myself Lately life has been so hectic and it’s all coinciding with finals and I’m so overwhelmed. I don’t have bipolar depression or anything, I am diagnosed with dysthymia/chronic depression so normally I’m in a constant low mood so this is VERY different for me and I’m afraid. 

Last night I was manic, up until 4 am meeting 3 different guy friends to try to have sex with. I almost got on a train and just left to somewhere, I had no plans on where. I was desperately trying to find adderall or coke. I eventually convinced myself to go home and I just woke up in one of the worst depressions I’ve ever been in, like it feels like someone’s sitting on my chest and I can’t move. 

[i typed out a completely hypothetical “plan” here but I’m afraid of someone finding my location and calling the police on me, it’s happened before and scarred me for life]. I have absolutely no intentions to actually do it, honestly I don’t have the energy or motivation to get up nor do I have the money. I know that having a plan like this is a one way ticket to the psych ward, I really don’t want to go through with anything. But I’m scared. I don’t want to get my school involved or go to the hospital because me or my family can’t afford a hospital bill and I can’t afford to fuck anything up with school, I’m on a very strict scholarship. 

Typing this all out made me feel better but I’m still terrified of facing life right now. The only person I could go to normally I can’t right now due to weird circumstances, my other friends are at work or not available, and like I said I don’t want to get school/authorities involved because I don’t feel that I pose an actual threat to myself. It’s like I’m toeing the line between “I “want” to kill myself but not really” and “actively suicidal”. I don’t think I could do it just because of my family, and I just honestly don’t “want” to (but I feel it. I’m sure people on here can relate and I can’t really articulate it). But I have a class in an hour and I didn’t do the assignment and then I have 2 more classes and 6 assignments to work on on top of studying for finals and I have laundry and I have to make my bed but I can’t even get up right now and I just need support. 

I’m sorry for the rambling wall of text. I don’t even know if this is okay for this sub, I’m kinda just desperate to talk to anyone or even yell into the void of the internet right now. Please don’t actually find me and call police. If I end up in a psych ward and my parents find out my life will be ruined, like seriously. My parents aren’t ones to be forgiving for these things and I’d never be allowed to finish my degree or even leave the house for that matter. ",2.3841345206379323,3.800350408233278,4.488482902083868,84.97572716324224,75.79245283018868,7.911959417539506,24.925696142476554,8.593345894127513,1.625235057114704,2180,73,468,43,47,753,232,583,0.114,0.758,0.129,0.4434,8,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,8,24,34,3,4,25,1,55,12,3,5,5,96,96,49,2,12,25,2,4,7,2,1,6,2,2,2,20,35,1,0,14,1,3,5,25,15,0,3,10,6,61,17,75,80,4,65,0,6,0,2,14,38,1,12,27,316,81,14,0.0,0.0,0.20575688987924826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070377821059125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491431927807041,0.0,0.17350964940086144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853076955982948,0.0,0.059805273094022685,0.0,0.0,0.06215920360677921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353268225657378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736899159987278,0.07595046770670312,0.0,0.11222979371013098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816027707675151,0.0713353083349542,0.0,0.1468606107574159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622494779159709,0.0,0.0,0.18568384445113734,0.063574589800044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325122654166931,0.0,0.14214787518290242,0.05020986742597643,0.0,0.15398219524825815,0.256947907971689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860024684398202,0.06497508452079319,0.1468789252926582,0.0,0.15977277023518507,0.0,0.056211375290691167,0.0,0.0,0.06959077383949341,0.062150626435995227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704991276654789,0.0,0.06921415394366595,0.0810966258396725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775722782678482,0.0,0.11587635351951366,0.05728965835231095,0.079281777160051,0.0744190719512042,0.07636219570622141,0.0,0.198570572934418,0.2403555251350104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650304772442188,0.04691414756293336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469922741521283,0.0,0.0521136199281185,0.054206234977795774,0.0,0.0,0.0659554116616253,0.13772395227861112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428758234607123,0.053453045969079696,0.0,0.0,0.1560809077439145,0.0,0.0,0.0487250704444966,0.061368011323607384,0.0,0.07714913392831703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507440274566584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001045663982617,0.06685479914309943,0.0,0.07036509296750361,0.21338907698596754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191003522792936,0.0,0.0,0.0786755600796032,0.0,0.0,0.05612773484079353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687770186433218,0.07975580431856974,0.06624047117040538,0.0,0.0,0.05649045105501008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669260293486363,0.045034219852624506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543447532369727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598092788939805,0.2072723433486432,0.05578701643198659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023330662351316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irradiatedcookie,2019/03/05,"I'm just fucking done. I'm going to kill myself after class. I've spent the past week trying to finally get my life under control and so much has gone wrong. More than usual. It's like the world's way of saying ""Fuck off and die"" and it's working. I want to. I can't take anymore of this shitty fucking year. I'm fucking exhausted. I'm on my way to class right now, but when I get home, I'm ending things for myself before someone else gets hurt. I'm always hurting myself or hurting others. I'm tired of that. This'll hurt less.

 To everyone I love, I'm sorry I couldn't fix all of my mistakes. I'm sorry for everything. You all deserve better. I love you. I always have and always will. I'm sorry if I didn't show it.",-0.1644685242518058,2.045981882352944,2.3583694530443786,92.4968730650155,89.65359477124184,4.266804265565876,18.510147918816646,5.750287758089431,-0.18833856209150346,560,16,118,4,19,192,90,153,0.25,0.645,0.105,-0.9653,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,2,0,3,4,16,5,0,2,0,7,9,0,1,2,14,31,9,2,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,7,4,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,12,0,0,4,1,16,4,16,25,5,18,0,4,0,6,5,5,4,2,10,64,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756879159901354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952804919154263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397737420740608,0.0,0.0,0.09767631574234008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386925926435916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146205869782768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301974895350694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225949761468773,0.0,0.0978181718379202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553135266565043,0.09925747931884456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120982997279965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40840464502644064,0.1731029934063126,0.0,0.06276631072706611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078158428435604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729185936563306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218688618510185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800792502819426,0.05395601892571493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993550903453465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118703046422009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542867524248896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431622891654204,0.0,0.08782731931029403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935765175487823,0.0,0.0,0.3708898313508631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303807969330695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337226287435973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693597684800298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498236305753903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163544011694355,0.0,0.06514111403888312,0.17532625629519966,0.08858931359883834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040254948966545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075017573574738,0.0,0.07112054770408872
suicidewatch,kewl_d00d_2,2019/03/05,"I know this is not fitting for the sub, but do you people have any recommendations for subreddits and other such forums were I can discuss suicide methods? Given I don't want help and am currently questioning whether I should eventually end it or not I have some questions regarding methods of suicide. I was banned from 4chan for asking, and as you may know r/SanctionedSuicide has been banned. Can anybody link me to somewhere useful? Thanks in advance, and sorry for breaking the rules and potentially upsetting anyone.",7.067252747252747,9.384093967032976,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,65.37362637362638,9.156043956043957,36.07692307692308,9.606745405546679,3.9415670329670336,425,21,63,9,7,133,69,91,0.28800000000000003,0.643,0.069,-0.9766,1,0,2,0,0,3,9.0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,14,0,0,1,0,22,21,9,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,9,1,9,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,5,2,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614197054274544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597458782182106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219088602016263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102393201298793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591040736110367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609046329776181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456243532450945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318173362265769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657162247095653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192883961186765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853835784794864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501142329740535,0.0,0.0,0.14000694626280707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SSAchristian,2019/03/05,"Who do you go to? I just came through a few days of extreme depression; due to multiple issues that have been on going. I stayed medication compliant, if I miss it usually takes me a few days to get back to normal.

The question is, who do you talk to? Last time it told my psych I ended up in the hospital for 10 days. I feel like if I tell my family or friends they will think it’s a ploy. 

My therapist, I’m not real good with him right now. My last appointment was in December, I’ve canceled and haven’t returned. 

My job keeps me on the road and I’ve only been home a few days in February; which makes it difficult to attend support groups (I attend a 12 step group and a Christian LGBT group)

I’m jus curious how others stay on track.",2.6151960784313744,3.9376738692810487,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,75.01307189542484,8.498692810457516,25.8218954248366,9.075114841892004,1.9247738562091503,574,20,125,13,12,195,101,153,0.069,0.857,0.07400000000000001,0.1911,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,0,4,7,0,0,9,0,9,1,0,2,0,18,23,7,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,6,2,3,0,0,5,1,18,4,17,17,3,30,1,2,0,0,14,9,0,4,14,76,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220722393409793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157259973753528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095334998133482,0.0,0.1367348257571821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060916824687114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965940315115042,0.0,0.08027093224985897,0.11341408687928756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226531602461797,0.0,0.08294255714993043,0.0,0.18044742770046598,0.13315555511436525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924348340003847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569821904965698,0.1575391232771504,0.14110809530528892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25881184805886154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755932052817358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596971233621552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992823181497656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555454842826793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207397810487619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784112234545338,0.0,0.0,0.1806971224344014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557528474474548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384218717215841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180152471691929,0.0,0.0,0.11936345874302065,0.12760067397605682,0.13875823507211849,0.0,0.0,0.18432595104530924,0.0,0.10172333018876054,0.0,0.0,0.09257089531732904,0.0,0.0,0.1516965144970331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748454069712573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spicecakes74,2019/03/05,"I just have a question if anyone is willing to anwser I have been dealing with depression with many many years im feel like a huge burden to everyone i know and i was just wondering if it would be better to kill myself somewhere where no one will find my body so it would seem like i had run away. If i left a note saying i had run away do u think it would lessen the impact on those around me. I just feel it would be worse if they had found out i had died. And if i had ""ran away"" they would believe im still out there and it wont hurt as bad does this seem like a better idea im offing myself either way i just need an anwser",1.0439130434782626,2.5041208550724683,2.8326811594202894,95.2364130434783,79.57971014492753,6.049275362318841,17.297101449275363,6.816661863887847,-0.2953159420289855,490,8,118,5,12,163,81,138,0.139,0.715,0.146,-0.2439,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,2,9,10,1,0,6,0,21,1,1,0,0,35,31,10,2,11,10,0,2,3,0,8,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,11,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,9,3,17,5,14,12,1,16,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,9,5,84,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435499137449269,0.0,0.0,0.10739606627160662,0.0,0.0,0.3400385687757699,0.0,0.1007301947849997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592109317292342,0.0,0.21339431922925506,0.0,0.1340049530537178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243755723909626,0.10390791545323108,0.0,0.12520630995341947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557375099842203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527764426963935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219994276568898,0.08618595361788743,0.0,0.0,0.11026368726879053,0.0,0.0,0.13227662821755898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129148684326865,0.13618900312488175,0.3909389422737197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347139067464794,0.0,0.06630113788268326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107679814130585,0.0,0.0,0.17681729454271533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446220747741213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945377194247171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174946297197183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514552859850676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593856438744908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196540686203929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634405744642616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730188073406491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575920943778547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308300169525293,0.0,0.0,0.12294348438321233,0.42849952079146403,0.0,0.0,0.07768884782960271
suicidewatch,invisablegreen,2019/03/05,My brother won’t speak to me and my wife isn’t in love with me anymore. The two closest people in my life have had it with my mental health issues. My brother won’t speak to me after the cops got called on me yesterday and my wife has been telling me she’s not in love with me for years. These are the only two people I have shown my true self to recently because every time I have in the past people have left me. Now people who have promised to love me my whole life are sick to death of me. I’ve been going to therapy and taking pills for awhile and nothing seems to help. As much as I don’t want to die it is my only option left. I can’t live life without love and constantly hurting the ones who love me. Please god give me the courage to end it. ,3.8509937888198778,3.8722359937888235,4.6144658385093145,90.65499068322984,71.0496894409938,7.433788819875777,25.416770186335405,6.742157984588678,0.7438144099378885,589,15,136,4,10,190,85,161,0.087,0.723,0.19,0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,6,0,17,11,0,0,1,14,28,7,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,6,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,3,4,2,25,8,24,22,2,18,0,1,0,5,19,8,0,2,9,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864399825468686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292729462793619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215888355189497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928099990091527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241603846848386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595951534313462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079613944948244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147630764543476,0.06799031038462232,0.0,0.09568160701062793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271645082902717,0.0,0.0,0.08018761913104147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806982598185268,0.0,0.0,0.12486598991110165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599636661528655,0.0,0.25350142331243514,0.0,0.0,0.10563831651221603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398682156210305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056213799132755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794417477348727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114791291846732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106655945818632,0.18197289468494787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142034360494176,0.33175441929509564,0.0,0.0,0.1313213397744776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181233625526921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890958158436284,0.12480352941828968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994928563893377,0.0,0.1045646988843317,0.0,0.13681100216142658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975908701403259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337285262336161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056276704811777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133566206996339,0.0,0.11532214564666995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703986513007145
suicidewatch,DubiousBlazeHazmat,2019/03/05,"things to keep in mind depression really sucks.

life can wear down on you.

traumas can happen that hurt so much you can't even utter them.

anxiety can pull you away from things you like.

people may not understand you.

and here you are.

somehow despite how terrible life can be you've made it this far.

maybe it's not much but i'm proud of all you.

even if you've attempted in past you've come to a community to help support you.

taking steps in the right direction.

might not be much but the little things in life are what truly count!",1.3493098490294742,3.904076224299069,2.3975700934579436,92.53310567936735,85.82242990654207,6.282961897915169,18.51114306254493,7.61054688173877,0.5613715312724654,424,11,89,8,13,134,73,107,0.084,0.755,0.161,0.9005,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,8,1,2,6,8,1,0,3,0,11,4,1,2,1,17,20,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,0,9,3,12,15,4,14,0,2,0,0,10,10,1,4,2,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533675121861025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621410160955494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523935225612163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523735458541702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336966473634476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644218346041652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857999494545653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938733288459395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724699769301967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37487330115052603,0.08642998312591328,0.17731171801936876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739786208744178,0.0,0.0,0.17773129878010524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187675058356494,0.1786301012965743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901507457060355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888196726932575,0.12264810262933905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113333985013036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510813850995863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007569816546929,0.0,0.0,0.13301537010322828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525962571963583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417102617479764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paws4georgia,2019/03/05,"Need a chat? I’m here I’m here to listen to you, vent with you, and chat with you about absolutely anything and everything you want, my dms are open 24/7",-1.1008333333333304,0.7010222500000012,0.8712499999999999,98.31541666666668,107.75,4.633333333333333,14.708333333333332,6.42735559955562,-0.4192041666666668,120,3,28,2,6,39,22,32,0.0,0.956,0.044,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5331239282296889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822442540572487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803712853945101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38211769644271865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Linguist_Rick,2019/03/05,I can’t see a way out Why should I be here still what’s the point. I’m a total loser.,-4.764090909090911,-3.80802240909091,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,114.0,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-2.9281272727272727,65,0,20,0,4,24,19,22,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974921885093581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193664682428812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202773108448967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177260549102877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748738913898418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,violeddit,2019/03/05,"I’ve been suicidal for 9 years and it never got better, so why should I keep trying? People keep saying that it will get better, tomorrow or some day. 

i’ve tried to live, nine years of being suicidal and i fought with myself and made the choice every day to live, because of family and friends and the hope that one day i can live for myself too. nine years and it never happened. 

my close friends and my family knows i have depression and bipolar disorder. i’ve been an active mental health advocate for years now. 

i think at this point, people will go to my funeral and agree i did my best. i did my part. i tried to live for others, for years, and it just didnt work. it happens. ",2.1635373385738355,4.267268576642337,3.506861313868616,88.69028635597981,78.56204379562044,6.843121841661987,20.02751263335205,7.882392219407189,0.7872497473329592,533,13,109,9,13,174,75,137,0.163,0.7170000000000001,0.121,-0.7588,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,1,0,3,0,11,2,0,1,2,24,23,12,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,9,12,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,8,1,15,6,13,11,3,16,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,3,12,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291333946532648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552364901850865,0.211571211889418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314162793363381,0.0,0.10302019133754624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370837865952373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077685138287272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255159248964728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848212694424332,0.0,0.06249145424579136,0.0,0.06797729994947396,0.0,0.09566329764660443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154201778280046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714017444653833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880003388105473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126302922043108,0.0,0.0,0.06573470250825507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224724074407248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131781746304518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053906755866133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450170144979194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105104678868147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952631809007026,0.0,0.16584546784983428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130704116640779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511892541327244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26166854796923783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664146190633557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362266279980896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079297074972304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870777358116184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851256149875111
suicidewatch,fishwhisperer4321,2019/03/05,Out with a bang I want to go out looking like I was killed. I want my kids to be proud of what I did and I don't want them to know that I did it to myself. Help appreciated. ,-2.2809756097560983,-0.6221678780487814,1.1348292682926842,101.53151219512196,93.6341463414634,4.255609756097561,13.078048780487805,5.6839178017228535,-1.43005756097561,131,2,38,1,5,47,29,41,0.1,0.556,0.344,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,11,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,2,8,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251209029208121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655070865205688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382418183328263,0.0,0.2176940771829504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352145375228336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33263627432574616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7009154866598175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xiziro,2019/03/05,Voices? Have you ever such an overwhelming desire to kill yourself that your mind became full of voices and thoughts? Each thought degrades your mental health and replicates into another? It's like someone pointing out each and every flaw you have always had?,6.870681818181819,9.973267431818183,5.327272727272729,76.46090909090911,67.86363636363637,6.218181818181819,31.45454545454545,7.1686216300943375,2.4157909090909104,213,9,28,2,4,62,37,44,0.165,0.736,0.098,-0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,1,4,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394016105599148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016938633311702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26025434400420216,0.2424119747417231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058271848512078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183135964116149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056282935534534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899486637998604,0.0,0.29050974601833945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719833116457835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437796622094405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568265374031818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oiducwa,2019/03/05,"How do you actually kill yourself in the least painful way? I have tried to google but mostly there are just some PC answers leading to the conclusion “don’t kill yourself”. I don’t intend to kill myself atm as I still have to take care of my family. But after everything is said and done I wanna have the option to off myself peacefully, regardless whether I actually choose to execute it.",7.67837837837838,7.390606702702705,8.049324324324324,70.30344594594597,63.05405405405406,11.724324324324325,36.06756756756757,11.20814326018867,4.158200000000001,312,13,55,8,4,103,52,74,0.182,0.6970000000000001,0.121,-0.8099,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,2,4,5,3,0,3,0,9,1,0,3,0,16,12,6,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,9,1,12,10,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,45,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.407494924834867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128737954972224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136631300595272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764564520318772,0.0,0.19682722046645534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6929806373559277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216568961308103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986056799919708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673876950261424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698297143363008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417536894080716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572659667232809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orange8821,2019/03/05,"Life is hard I'm still a depressed fuck,  but Jordan Peterson has motivated me to take on more personal responsibility.  It helps give life meaning.  Watching YouTube videos of him has helped me quite a bit",5.74072072072072,8.021184513513518,6.122702702702704,73.13288288288291,68.72972972972973,9.257657657657658,33.954954954954964,9.725611199111238,3.5203765765765764,165,8,29,4,3,53,33,37,0.133,0.69,0.17600000000000002,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,8,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,8,2,2,0,1,1,1,5,1,1,0,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30772008647563576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427671572502531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26057669430717995,0.0,0.27038752423107143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25249281150388786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778520492948153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981746531270365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070301332544477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461108537964852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997947217336652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250951993618948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119249971478384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leafandflower,2019/03/05,Advice please How can I make it so my organs can still be used for people who want and deserve to live? ,-0.4219696969696969,1.8131092272727287,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,93.0909090909091,2.9333333333333336,11.87878787878788,3.1291,-1.7347757575757574,81,1,18,0,3,26,21,22,0.0,0.841,0.159,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41303489532536747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732313746827392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821400586006294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930308860901426,0.0,0.0,0.4639722194317576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33755025338271155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650570612240609,0.0,0.0,0.2493057388295407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AURNSK,2019/03/05,"Im dead inside I was kicked of of my work. Was workless for a month and than finally found a new job that is a bit far away. So I bought me a new car with my last money I got at all.

I worked 2 days in the new company and the work was lit. And my coworkers was very gentle to me as well.

Yesterday I had a car accident. My new car is total damaged and I lost my job for that I bought the car.

So I spend all money I got left. I'm hurt and workless 
And in the very end my girlfriend left me. In that time I could need her at most

I lost everything I had. It's not worth to live any longer",-0.5644374282433979,0.9429180671641824,2.079253731343286,98.51448335246843,84.74626865671641,5.914121699196326,17.77037887485649,7.010146845296331,-0.22118071182548732,447,10,119,6,13,155,72,134,0.154,0.805,0.041,-0.9284,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,3,5,0,0,9,0,9,0,0,0,3,15,18,9,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,4,1,0,13,1,22,1,15,4,5,24,0,4,1,0,2,9,0,1,11,73,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423041897687903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018840610855464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127944774250227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063460019406653,0.0,0.0,0.08936435340848671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272937290271665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453522657212206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151793548264875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519317363473591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216496288928977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833900834306932,0.0,0.14967630867174295,0.0,0.2750130457140895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295072792226715,0.0,0.0,0.30110724479167394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223573390087519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025248429462673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106029833511776,0.0,0.0,0.10274579173342044,0.0,0.5353160978940105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079962404294808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286648342297027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458851611225248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026356236241049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychedelicelephowl,2019/03/05,"Nicaragua boy wants to commit suicide Boy of the Name Martin Alejandro Carrion Rios living in Nicaragua, Managua. Wants to commit suicide please help if you can, contact local authorities or just reach out to anyone in Managua. Share this to everyone you can, let Martin Alejandro know that people do care about him. He is Eighteen years old, dark brown hair and of caucasian descent. We have until tomorrow to save his life.",7.801486486486489,9.45395941891892,6.606324324324322,74.058945945946,62.91891891891893,8.622702702702702,36.421621621621625,8.841846274778883,3.457668108108108,343,16,51,5,5,103,58,74,0.098,0.695,0.207,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,2,13,10,4,2,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,12,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,2,4,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811682281536767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26416896538580603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475804480299611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366877355398402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423941782111358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26494654962244296,0.18300947102949666,0.0,0.0,0.2287893950187401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718810899897365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796268044382861,0.0,0.0,0.2844131833223483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5668250776232174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30564691518763953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685142964575853
suicidewatch,BananaBoatDope,2019/03/05,Feelings I feel super useless as is my life doesn't really matter and I'm not sure what to do anymore ,1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,79.0,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,1.2342,82,3,16,1,2,29,21,22,0.243,0.601,0.156,-0.0394,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084956075565525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185087126769121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621600815884938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32847134058172706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832469200047553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tom-gately,2019/03/05,"The dimming light at the end of the long tunnel I’m 15. I’m a normal teenage boy, I like video games, soccer, music and talking to girls. In September 2018 I was clinically diagnosed with depression and bi-polar disorder. The following December I was diagnosed with an incurable disease (won’t go into details) and now every morning I have to consume a lorry load of pills. I turned from being a tall, skinny and according to others handsome enough lad into an overweight couch potato in just a few weeks (this was due to the medication I was on.) I’ve been suicidal for the majority of my teenage years, I’ve attempted 3 times since I was 14 not for attention but because I didn’t want to be alive. These past 8-9 weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. My most recent attempt was last Tuesday night and I was admitted to a hospital overnight. I’m too young to be prescribed anti-depressants apparently. I don’t wanna be alive. And before I’d always think about my family and friends who might care that I wasn’t around anymore but at this stage I’m in so much mental pain that I could not care less. I know that sounds selfish, but I’m just tired of feeling like this and I don’t see any alternative as I’ve done all the talking, I’ve seen all the doctors and I’ve cried all the tears. I’m writing this because I wanna hear your stories of how yeah overcame your troubles. Please reply, thank you",3.2863788968824927,5.270055161870506,4.547643884892088,83.08942745803358,74.71942446043165,7.654916067146282,28.130095923261393,8.472884824447931,2.1523448441246997,1117,46,214,21,24,368,163,278,0.128,0.733,0.14,0.1292,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,0,2,8,12,0,0,17,1,23,11,1,1,3,38,43,15,1,5,7,0,1,2,1,2,10,2,1,2,10,14,2,0,5,3,0,2,7,5,0,0,13,6,22,7,31,23,10,28,0,1,2,0,13,10,0,2,17,132,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043862570039367,0.0,0.0,0.090258199692892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316284812656631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181542380805542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618170185748875,0.0,0.11294001063255435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706459104668171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597087379723392,0.0,0.14579322750190574,0.0,0.0,0.228633338391855,0.2694280977250984,0.0,0.0,0.1521154414573631,0.1358506374061934,0.0,0.1358247318160521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755579958054532,0.1371413897672464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182734018029644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512221657759615,0.0,0.0671102300181477,0.09481944764358392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254374237180122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543121799973007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495917957335017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294271291641619,0.10818936673482203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374826607374456,0.1296863931888898,0.0,0.0,0.11745829213506034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370743459277046,0.1337565435705708,0.14080126207077134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097568847408081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455431618258025,0.13004325396399175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122977231503622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267019407946435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456932400000584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105086682452516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576540078910883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097922802216874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518065074819986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133601875794557,0.0,0.12219622561547565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504543171281906,0.0,0.0,0.07739357079340184,0.1525489586804963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436772410465984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782852061383527,0.0,0.3193942617837584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547116241155697
suicidewatch,Alexut-,2019/03/05,"I think i'm gonna go soon It just feels like it's inevitable and it's just slowly approaching.
All my hopes and dreams for the future seem like fantasies, i can't fathom the concept of living to see adulthood! I just feel like i'm dying. I know i'm gonna die. I feel like i don't even control it, like it just has to happen. Cause of course i'll kill myself.

I'm scared, i don't know what to do

I'm so lost
I don't know what i'm doing.. 
I've been leading myself through life since i was a kid, i never needed guidance, support or anything!! why am i lost now, what happened

please help i don't know what to do... i'm always the voice of reason, i always know what to do, i always guide others but now i'm just fucking lost!! Why??

And it's all just lies!! 
No! i won't figure it out! 
No, i can't handle this!
I'm not the smart, mature problem solver they all think i am, i'm a fucking pathetic lost child, seeking comfort in comforting others. 
At least i have reddit to blurt out my feelings i guess.. 

But thanks guys, i've been on this sub a lot and i've tried to help... so... Remember me...? I'm zoning out so much, forgive me if i don't make sense, haha


I'm making so many posts lately haha, guess i'm having a rough time

Just, bye. Love y'all. Try to stay alive! unlike me lol
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suicidewatch,Dr_W_Breen,2019/03/05,"Suicide and life insurance If it's determined that you died because of suicide, what happens to your life insurance? Does the person you designated as the beneficiary get nothing? ",6.806000000000001,10.247732933333337,7.583333333333332,58.50500000000002,69.66666666666666,10.666666666666668,43.33333333333334,10.504223727775694,6.274333333333335,148,10,19,5,3,49,25,30,0.305,0.565,0.13,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795629697194645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30297465992468464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25546772616827434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525200720680371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581505278365614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123940590415352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801123135842358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548998364768557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6386426156324343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,user_name_pqrst,2019/03/05,"Why do I get bullied/harassed?  I am a 20 year old university student. In my school life there was a boy in my class who used to beat me and make fun of me (every once in a month or so). In my high school, there was another guy who used to bully me. I was very happy when I got admission in one of the best universities of my country, but as soon as I entered my college someone from the admission department made fun of me and told me to return home. (He was completely stranger to me, I didn't do anything bad to him, yet he did this). Yesterday, my professor told me he doesn't like me and will fail me in my semester exams. I went to him and pleaded him for mercy but he said he has decided to fail me and this is his final decision. Failing in semester exams will cost me a lot, I won't probably get a job (or will get a very low-paying job) after I graduate, but I need money to support my family.

Now the point is, why do I get bullied/harassed? Is there something wrong with my behavior? Is it because I did something bad to someone in my life which I don't remember? Is there something I can do to improve my situation?

I know suicide is one option which is an easy way out of this situation, but I have a father who suffers from mental depression, and if I die, there isn't anyone else who can take care of him, so I don't plan to commit suicide before my father dies a natural death.",4.182864282968089,4.309189733564015,6.064746251441754,80.17805747789312,70.34948096885813,9.46720492118416,31.280469050365248,9.444778638647367,2.688693041138024,1079,44,227,22,18,377,141,289,0.17800000000000002,0.696,0.126,-0.9728,2,0,3,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,0,6,11,15,0,0,12,0,31,2,0,4,1,27,49,18,5,2,7,2,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,2,10,8,0,0,4,0,2,3,6,8,0,2,13,1,46,7,33,32,2,26,0,5,0,0,21,11,0,5,12,160,56,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242125928696887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496520942384728,0.10985149007287788,0.08822644241856642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903528941965574,0.06535551526235765,0.0,0.09122962039015398,0.0,0.11251250895067247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930990502721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240987149372586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234164470677987,0.0,0.222538514767329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956197186568099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903308379089916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107004822132057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744564059807945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405563764748102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574732902424913,0.0,0.0,0.10615685794215653,0.0,0.1141292988640116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132754946302352,0.10754250122137572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127829785648021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058920979131504486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145418666496244,0.05237842795536437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114791329569956,0.0,0.10144670335588986,0.07156492482469481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804460373518808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557569396211036,0.0,0.0,0.07949643095391515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250108839269364,0.11417741229915218,0.14529941885179334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135011054797276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559280218296665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145043595498076,0.0,0.10198328059628137,0.0,0.0,0.21700878514206756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410218372229118,0.0,0.0,0.1816809683268469,0.24761139130164864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345453233370966,0.1216630470101764,0.0,0.0,0.08061017401516994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489155659316205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851937032465453,0.0,0.1769224597839873,0.0,0.08509999316929942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938671241996012,0.19348453101510826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721962639756835,0.0,0.06904109232360876
suicidewatch,taybabynicole,2019/03/05,"I want to end it all Literally just fuck it. I’m bipolar, major depression, PTSD. I can’t do it anymore. Last time I tried to do the right thing and get help in crisis I was made to feel like a criminal.

My anxiety keeps me stuck in this god forsaken life. Bc “I DoNt WAnnA HuRT anYoNeS FeeLiNGs” No one cares. My fiancé acts like I’m a burden, I don’t have friends bc I’m so bleh all the time, my mother consistently reminds me that I’m a worthless daughter and I was a mistake.  My father has a whole new family so whatever. I’m just a piece of shit in this world and it would be better off without me",-0.8406414473684194,1.3055393437500022,2.063930921052634,92.2642927631579,96.96875,5.1947368421052635,20.018092105263158,6.8360192770164,0.552025,468,17,103,8,19,163,82,128,0.226,0.614,0.16,-0.8891,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,2,0,8,0,11,4,1,1,2,16,25,5,0,4,3,3,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,4,2,14,5,10,19,5,12,0,3,0,1,5,6,2,0,7,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957953258063164,0.0,0.19391272400399345,0.13671877293265125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729299535240316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993553569657873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684092721400134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291591181834777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318110108042065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843278112508964,0.0,0.19773118076305465,0.13968631411929688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106560693917864,0.1807638723539784,0.10215609375080917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105930250020664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093183741629124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737956039497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593826397607239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381082685921195,0.19105167458975075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18501474093751866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884360986029872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324958497809865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285635224300014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698112494459647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070822227573792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990111177295394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280296481223532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275169584474378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532836530160698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183017043807203,0.0,0.18848346085173887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889854703382182,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mar0530,2019/03/05,"I feel like I have to sacrifice my life in order to save my dad In the best of way to make a long story short that happened about a month ago, 

I have a dream of being successful with making music and being the greedy lazy fucking piece of shit that I am, instead of working hard to just pay for studio time myself, I ended up falling for a debit card scam/scheme to where, “the numbers in my bank account can go up.” I gave the scammer all my information and my debit card and pin while he went to do, “the process.”  The numbers went up to 5k for a bit but the bank caught on and put my account on freeze and went under investigation.

A few days later after in contact with the sammer , I ended up confessing this to my dad and he’s been seeking to help me out the best that he can but I know one of the possibilities is that the bank will wipe his account clear to pay the debt.  At first I went with a story about my debit being stolen but until they had called from HQ and asked how the phone verification was possible, I broke down and told the rep working in the fraud department the full on truth.  Now I don’t know what’s happening from here.


The last month had been stressful because I’m in nonstop suspense (and broke) to what’s going to happen. I’m willing to learn and repay for my mistakes but not at the cost of my dad, someone who I love with every beat that my heart can produce, to pay for something that’s completely at my fault. 

I’m plan on commuting suicide as a plan z if they do and he can use my life insurance to pay for it. 

Ps. I can’t even snitch the scammer because he blocked me and made a new Snapchat.

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suicidewatch,PeriodDysphoriaGirl,2019/03/05,"I wish i felt comfortable telling my parents i want to commit suicide Nearly a year ago i told them i self harm and they just accused me of ""doing it for attention"" my dad was never there when i was kid and he only cares about me when he wants me to do something for him , my mom doesnt care about me at all

I wish i could have had parents i could feel comfortable talking to and that i could burst into tears while they hug me tight and comfort me

",2.9217325227963538,4.014053361702132,3.832249240121581,91.50500000000002,73.8936170212766,6.648024316109423,25.130699088145896,6.868970318607317,0.7921720364741636,352,11,78,3,7,113,62,94,0.138,0.637,0.226,0.8112,2,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,3,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,3,20,19,7,1,7,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,23,6,11,11,1,9,0,0,0,1,15,3,0,0,6,58,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761146252234906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36256362823155736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258832260704447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990244280752666,0.0,0.17071858022456218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824050143330256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371324878020771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522704864747198,0.0,0.0,0.3948579565818765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548710755238926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368812893327381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944874149160276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429111631421779,0.15540749238858365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698982039503424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097454073879792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089289119394835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449917975724308
suicidewatch,Johnox,2019/03/05,If I had a gun it’s be all over by now I need to quit being a bitch and find a way out. I’m 26 and looking forward to joining the 27 club but I really don’t think I can make it that long. Pray for me. ,-3.039133333333332,-1.5941275799999983,0.8760000000000012,103.62466666666668,94.8,4.133333333333334,14.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,-1.259466666666667,151,3,45,1,6,56,41,50,0.093,0.84,0.067,-0.0387,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,10,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,6,7,1,6,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762360095270726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642928103888521,0.3456780667709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747761880417736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30522950054026005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43783505469219547,0.0,0.0,0.26371028368848165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26376545041002136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267445858808779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JohnRambo1137,2019/03/05,Girlfriend broke up with me because I am suicidal I told her that I had a suicidal episode last week and she broke up with me. Its made my depression so much worse to deal with and Idk what to do. She told me she couldn’t deal with it. That a previous boyfriend had attempted suicide and that she couldn’t worry about that again. She herself is dealing with depression and anxiety. I spent most of my time since she broke up with me lying in bed doing nothing. I dont know what to do. Part of me wants to call her at 3AM and beg her to take me back. Part of me wants to hate her. Part of me wants to never see her again. Part of me wants to keep her in my life because she was my best friend. ,2.0416210045662098,3.4744859246575364,2.9755479452054807,95.39953196347034,76.73972602739725,6.784474885844749,23.125570776255714,7.492282038375204,0.6415269406392698,539,16,128,7,12,171,73,146,0.264,0.693,0.043,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,1,22,24,6,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,8,11,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,7,1,32,2,26,15,7,13,0,5,1,0,22,6,0,1,7,96,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197521138760983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244903700683912,0.0,0.1465815314627098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617340559933082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276772588484497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718538964402766,0.20710692348716306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409080371671972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928889861595118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187017051755443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686547240609164,0.0,0.0,0.06607496950875336,0.09800306051635577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492162650187196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376402649459524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838249030962841,0.0,0.09272837506245014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536341395441825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207871758335071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958073171781996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945505558940937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39453456094129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039759468796277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010676770697248,0.0,0.0,0.2297688116193481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836578131940569,0.0,0.09644082442621923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209885744626404,0.12252409598602633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TripleJman,2019/03/05,"Not afraid to die Ive been depressed for years. Tried killing myself a couple times and cutting, all that.. I OD'd on cough medicine once, but it had something in it other than just DXM and it made you tired. I went to the bathroom high as balls and then.. I woke up with a headache and feeling like I just died. I saw a face, maybe a skull, but it was like a symbol for death and it was laughing at me.. I never have been that scared before.
I went to my mom and asked her to take me to the hospital. Within 5 minutes in the car I felt, fine almost, like nothing happened. From that point on for the most part I stopped caring, about damn near everything. I'm not afraid to die anymore. I want to die with a purpose like saving someone's life and losing my own. I cant cry or laugh for real anymore. I feel empty, unsatisfied, and unhappy after even a great workout or fun day at Disneyworld. I'm stuck in the grey area, of just ""eh"" and I won't ever get out. My brain won't let me, not yet. I dont know what to do and I dont want to do much of anything anymore.. I'm almost too far gone, and I'm sober now because of probation, and still... empty",1.2456129762353818,2.9682778257261435,2.7835175405507364,94.61738117691436,79.87136929460581,5.3776688042248235,22.157864956620145,6.11248444174946,0.16415186721991715,880,27,201,6,22,288,143,241,0.18,0.625,0.194,0.6103,0,0,1,0,0,2,39.0,0,1,0,1,10,19,3,3,12,0,15,6,3,1,3,41,37,18,6,2,10,1,3,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,15,0,1,4,2,0,4,9,8,0,0,13,5,25,11,34,21,5,30,0,2,2,0,4,15,1,5,15,130,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175034220219145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32942857305439643,0.0,0.0,0.09111730454991736,0.0,0.10351300085232908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749697964613653,0.0,0.0942188858259313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360580568258167,0.0,0.0,0.11289159614342215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251519243812807,0.12162629859215385,0.07140851505220756,0.0,0.09536734716640116,0.0,0.4596605976231423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595379328280771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313286954043792,0.10015717189993788,0.0,0.0,0.099512560232556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119718523916848,0.07910201762486455,0.10631343859225097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784928308339915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207478904587155,0.0,0.0,0.09791382052510687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169871238069284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250089317767855,0.0,0.0608516069868734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322389379042892,0.07820839690124078,0.2163787200763519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387303955588533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477074572961044,0.0,0.0,0.11123822300046438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296798727615223,0.0,0.0,0.0813956722920647,0.0,0.08539800589819553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624369831435572,0.0,0.0,0.1179185940630652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990446905702333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467098792395672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260293792144325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085511891256424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938169990093441,0.08524157434277015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884251900717667,0.0925711228886976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325147851610973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456468322788342,0.12726218848645526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517505956577414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130617039217506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528651264938327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713033197673782
suicidewatch,TraversingAce,2019/03/05,"Thinking about it. Hey guys. First time posting really anything, usually just a lurker but now seems like a better time than ever the just say it. I really want to die. I don't feel like I'm in this dark abyss like some might feel I'm literally just so over everything. I'm currently away from home due to my line of work which is very boring btw. I'm currently married but my wife has already ""left"" me once because I'm not mature enough. I put quotations around it because she turned back on it because I agreed to get my act together to save our marriage an it seemed that it worked. Fast forward to now, what I did to change myself is still in effect, but it seems every time we talk on the phone she finds something to get mad at me about (i.e. not calling enough, not being enthusiastic on the phone, not acting like I care enough etc.), and she can never be wrong. Where I am in the world, I really don't want to work all day to talk on the phone and get bitched at and have an argument for an hour then go to bed mad and i'm pretty sure she wants to leave me. Then on top of all this, I can honestly say that I work for the shittiest organization in the world, and what makes it even better, I can't really quit without being penalized for breaking a contract. Nothing but pure toxicity in my leadership, and supervisors only looking out for themselves and beating down on the lower echelon employees. Some may say I'm just a whiny bitch, and say what I'm feeling isn't actually real. Some may say just go talk to someone, but believe me I have. I'm honestly just done. I've thought about this for quite some time now, and it just seems so sweet. I wouldn't do it out of spite for anyone, or to put guilt on anyone, I'm just overworked, overstrung, and over giving a fuck. I'm sure people with be able to relate with all of this which makes it easy to chalk off as having a bad year, and to that I say fuck'em. ",6.019406593406592,5.281152471794876,6.629780219780217,80.60807692307694,66.58974358974359,9.89010989010989,30.622710622710624,9.23628265651192,2.3176556776556767,1504,47,318,24,21,495,189,390,0.158,0.69,0.152,-0.8297,4,0,1,0,0,1,44.0,2,0,0,12,22,23,6,1,17,0,24,1,0,3,8,70,59,22,1,4,19,1,3,4,0,4,0,6,2,1,23,17,0,0,11,0,0,7,11,10,0,1,3,11,29,13,57,48,11,58,0,0,1,1,24,28,3,12,27,204,52,5,0.08053935677539238,0.0,0.07859479427089512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888771829396219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262998178134655,0.0,0.06627702822821105,0.07169710286531393,0.0,0.0,0.07566937688398376,0.06192979396247277,0.06724699877627269,0.14728813305298882,0.0,0.0,0.09074027510597407,0.0,0.14246103221285755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223968810759312,0.0,0.08211524189926421,0.0,0.08519996033075959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194122226538237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358713680828751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241972464864028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496560552283557,0.08982267242204607,0.0531954855653824,0.07285245916853661,0.06785788171724258,0.0,0.07238358066201869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216935616762882,0.057537332572864724,0.0,0.0,0.07361151299923692,0.06850673572959927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891467508989026,0.12623546932733629,0.07726068984466422,0.09154474497132144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974662558727279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078754162348048,0.0,0.07931504300578658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527954986005652,0.0875062467914413,0.0,0.0,0.15738984608163056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763277533599878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752129209185833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543953000967773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062116917039034276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727968498445313,0.0,0.0,0.08577178644553989,0.0,0.06125381007009807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583584913731211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713444065631786,0.0819374802619916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192859735775314,0.0,0.17132703943202449,0.0,0.09167142031953833,0.20638229711364506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384288774725226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932800222464878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824073563569859,0.062003131642660636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431883435775672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518147812333425,0.0,0.0,0.19420345259834407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160636778497873,0.0,0.06393925294620999,0.18785258646432665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760369271313155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870272297347535,0.06645340410348596,0.14251259798672095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763706587782944,0.0,0.2345344438063812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805714335385106,0.0,0.051864705176816704
suicidewatch,icd2020,2019/03/05,"My letter is the only thing left I found out last night a relative of mine who was chronically I'll killed themselves. Nothing was left. No letter. This is the third person in my life to not leave a letter. I've been planning my own suicide for a few months now. I purchased all the materials and set aside some vacation time. 

I'm working on a letter, which I dont really know if I should leave or not. I wonder why people done leave letters and I'm starting to find out. This is a difficult thing to write. There is not single reason I want to die. I've wanted to die for as long as I can remember.

I think this is the last step. I dont really want to die, I just dont want to feel this anymore. I know no one is going to offer me advice on how to finish writing this, but I dont have anyone I can talk to about my pending suicide and for some reason i just want to get it out there that the letter is difficult.  It doesn't make me necessarily sad, it's just difficult to get right.

I kind of understand more why those close to me didnt leave one, so I guess going through the process is helping.",2.480952380952381,3.7331402337662354,4.279935064935066,87.2351406926407,75.23376623376623,7.2112554112554115,23.65584415584416,7.793537801064563,1.0324649350649353,858,25,187,12,18,291,120,231,0.16899999999999998,0.792,0.039,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,4,21.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,1,0,11,0,22,2,0,4,1,41,43,10,6,7,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,7,0,0,11,0,1,3,11,5,0,3,6,1,24,1,28,36,7,23,0,1,0,0,13,10,0,6,9,128,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350308989136982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489463611515872,0.06690576017738666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29792036760158114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791982994250008,0.44857234086493336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048381632880223804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745511909222728,0.0,0.0,0.10491457850203073,0.0,0.0,0.09998379831154801,0.0,0.10876092947332144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054087342424823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641361977876578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058621986620289,0.09964207193279803,0.10517286430564417,0.15599345201149206,0.0,0.4052699304914485,0.2079258779679929,0.0,0.06758573456104865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467895233379234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387103743500762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637552007452995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979467359243662,0.0,0.09181313871099507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967839543604695,0.07277338878483082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633650956162096,0.08354917977149791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225975913087696,0.19676194831061172,0.0,0.0,0.10839339746922808,0.08171517970832595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772692603853836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093295446584513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690864912796071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713883316285285,0.061311619020782526,0.0,0.0,0.05579517948907976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996123280907199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28218992114273816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268316502578776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037672056579236,0.06966042701271802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,R4rthrowaway719,2019/03/05,I just want someone to hold me and tell me I matter I feel so worthless to everyone in my life.  I fuck up everything and make things harder for people when I’m around them.  My own parents hate me and complain about how worthless I am.  I just want it all to stop.  I can’t deal with feeling so alone all the time,2.511363636363633,3.606277712121212,3.6822424242424248,92.17336363636366,74.9090909090909,6.492121212121212,25.32121212121212,6.742157984588678,0.7655248484848487,243,8,55,2,5,79,47,66,0.29,0.638,0.07200000000000001,-0.9565,1,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,2,18,10,7,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,13,0,9,10,3,6,0,2,0,1,5,3,1,0,3,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718685687500686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336787060634417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706237186445626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508279091232684,0.23591610809036326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26545356254710045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24267499799980255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25916224494274465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540996808653049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521932830043374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914727564720637,0.0,0.0,0.18198293176324296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224135448558284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945992528399996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22943465835172602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439188278696954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306458553184965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096560220184065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,World79,2019/03/05,"Pretty severe suicidal ideation but I don't think I'm even depressed. Pretty much every night for the past week, while I've been falling asleep, I think about killing myself. I don't even feel depressed right now. I've always been depressed, and had suicidal thoughts, but more along the lines of ""I wish I didn't exist."" and always thought of suicide in the abstract almost; never something I'd ACTUALLY do. I feel like maybe I've just been normalizing suicide in my mind for the past 5 or so years.

Tonight I managed to knock the cup over on my nightstand while I was asleep. I threw a towel on it and tried to go back to bed. Ideations hit me hard af. I seriously thought of driving to walmart, buying >!a utility knife and cutting my wrists.!< I was almost crying because I wanted to die so bad. I kind of want to buy one and sit in my bathroom and think about it. Maybe the seriousness of the situation will dissuade me? 

I don't know if it's the stress from school, but honestly, during the day, I almost feel happy. Content at least. I put pressure on myself to get all A's this semester, which will be hard, but I don't think unrealistic. I have a huge problem set due in my class tomorrow probably worth 10%+ of my grade that's only half done. I'm 24 and still live at home. I quit my job to go back to school full time. I've given myself ""permission"" to kill myself if things don't work out in school this time, because I feel like it's my last chance.

I don't know what to do. I have no job and essentially no money. I don't have insurance so I don't think a therapist is an option. I'm a college student so there's my schools counselling services, but I'm honestly afraid to talk to them because I don't know how they'll react to what I have to say. Honestly I'm not sure what the point of this thread was. I really just ended up rambling about nothing.

​

I guess if anyone has any advice on who I can talk to or if you've felt alright during the day, but you're overwhelmed at night.",3.4480716318785585,4.793211085784313,4.495354206198608,86.2748197343454,72.94607843137254,7.225300442757747,27.37697659709045,7.717688229018142,1.4970628399746997,1585,58,327,20,31,517,204,408,0.209,0.687,0.103,-0.9947,3,0,1,0,1,4,57.0,0,0,2,2,17,23,3,4,17,1,31,2,2,2,3,57,62,27,7,9,15,0,7,2,0,3,0,1,2,0,14,10,0,0,16,0,4,6,14,14,0,2,15,8,46,9,45,42,5,49,0,4,0,0,6,19,0,11,24,199,60,13,0.0,0.0,0.07584301304672564,0.0,0.0,0.07594658811706717,0.0,0.0,0.2334745341226655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933768669011886,0.08420903714026187,0.09443768963497504,0.05285191969321942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434327589339112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952298406145725,0.06489252949709268,0.1421312429200213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537121256533117,0.100245285568362,0.0,0.2008190537977891,0.0,0.08066056239855833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953402397478106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688364015684269,0.0,0.0,0.10266598298753338,0.0,0.06548202404685012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718924151295474,0.11104564126618133,0.0746229003897011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406052268303056,0.0,0.08833955673054311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561678264061398,0.0,0.0,0.08273384445069387,0.13924279838420198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795898736300284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424920704465006,0.0,0.17197020565401264,0.0809328911483369,0.1281378008329892,0.06335175908432597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593963608230778,0.0,0.06862773534683443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561593519014642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847453161043462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713276915912136,0.0,0.059942063505832685,0.0,0.0,0.14586895680889608,0.07614860077572645,0.07457394870608107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052664739193675765,0.05910917586088101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838409856696702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347004112526515,0.0,0.0,0.15813732810615266,0.08379475744278868,0.07436705762305566,0.0,0.07812955575475028,0.0,0.08266424645195475,0.0,0.0,0.049789096713749564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637202153886425,0.0,0.061805659491769076,0.0,0.3146251007074099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780090401648716,0.0,0.0,0.08735996535727747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059832261993127564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062066886727025615,0.0,0.0890274155300356,0.0,0.0,0.3400500395736328,0.0,0.07324970146292528,0.0,0.0,0.12493596745834128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023832047253036,0.051633377074071,0.2489975615763952,0.0,0.1851017859535164,0.090637721608943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052766433444807234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168194008011403,0.0,0.06234188853647048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937358025702029,0.0,0.0,0.05658071583025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443768963497504,0.05004880473167105
suicidewatch,gone1283951u89,2019/03/05,"I think I'm going to take my life. Hi. I don't know where else to go so I wanted to let out my thoughts here.

For the past couple years now, I've planned my death in so many different ways. I've finally reached the day, and I don't know how to feel.

I remember reading through these forums a few years ago, reading the cries of people who decided to take their lives. And it was always heartbreaking, but I never thought I'd end up as one of them. I don't even know why I'm doing this really, I guess I just figured it's what people do when it's over. 

It's hard to continue finding a reason to exist as myself every single day. I hate being who I am and no amount of self-improvement attempts or positive statements at an attempt to fix me will ever make me better. I wish I could be good, but I won't be. Not for me, or for anyone else. And while I do feel immense guilt for everyone I'm leaving behind, I just can't do it anymore. I don't think my life can end any other way or at any other time.

I remember in my psychology class it was said that people who commit suicide kill themselves just as they're life is getting better, and it's never at their lowest point. I don't really know how to apply that statement to my situation, but it's something that resonated with me. 

Well, that's it I guess. I always thought I'd have more to say. I have everything planned out, and we'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading I guess. ",2.0686378737541524,3.5616929003322286,3.9634073089700976,88.09147641196016,76.80730897009967,6.9422458471760775,24.33235880398671,7.699297019823105,1.142805607973422,1117,37,241,16,25,379,158,301,0.105,0.784,0.111,0.2677,2,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,1,0,3,6,15,9,2,1,6,0,25,3,0,5,4,52,54,22,3,3,10,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,22,9,0,0,19,3,0,2,11,4,1,1,6,6,38,5,34,40,4,32,0,1,1,0,10,11,0,6,17,160,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457999759973225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587865174967516,0.0,0.0,0.12977149175725036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462644075390078,0.06671666819858148,0.09776435590107944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877433995903846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761814351620031,0.10557532843501988,0.10480933967995186,0.12307008265119715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968878785578937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941465130550345,0.0,0.16901945228456738,0.0,0.0,0.06302097370517068,0.08630869452209998,0.08039159214243344,0.09117350637033232,0.08575321167019767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648978919654964,0.0,0.0,0.104522909965477,0.08720794961859828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985060986901407,0.0,0.1084535445887274,0.08002991296614237,0.0,0.0,0.31533247043496204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547345946778437,0.09420295641273596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055630062969381,0.0,0.2097512403347801,0.0,0.0,0.10103113473254713,0.0,0.0975687140160442,0.20218416242691029,0.0,0.0,0.08425354881691324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369052232203523,0.09673624246074312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471804817178233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465594634821414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108479850808816,0.19844707927123487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019839668676582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28632367087036514,0.0,0.12225110064674198,0.09810292555335463,0.0,0.0,0.21617410263924214,0.0,0.0907618980276004,0.07587815804840604,0.0,0.0,0.07603372260585323,0.0,0.0995390745094936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725091056370899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345543869672287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043689641826856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348101671518018,0.0,0.0,0.08784568349015398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227667489562215,0.0,0.2272475156016028,0.05563748871821925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056278476734884064,0.15147261113824342,0.0,0.0,0.0857899061006845,0.0,0.0860975601649339,0.0,0.10972300439569306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228887822504116
suicidewatch,Goddamnporkchop,2019/03/05,"After a month long high (Bipolar) I have just hit, 3 days ago, the biggest low I have felt in a long time. I need help, please. I don't have anybody to talk to. My SO, who already puts up with a fuck ton from me, is working long shifts this week so I have only seen her for a few minutes each day. She knows, she can always tell, but I have hidden it as best as possible.

The suicidal thoughts have been multiplying over the hours. I can feel exactly how this is going. I am old enough and have experienced this enough times. I have had 4 glasses of bourbon and a cigarette ( I don't smoke at all or drink more than a glass usually). I wish I had access to something harder just to numb the edges and make me feel something a little different but I don't. Its just me and my thoughts and a thousand ways to die.

I have a terrible psydoc now, after getting thrown out by my old one for too many no-shows during the depressed episodes, and so I really feel I have nowhere to turn. I don't think I want to die but it feels inevitable at this point. Thank you for reading, if you did.",2.1064295874822183,3.7561212882882913,3.318193456614509,92.08363442389759,77.10810810810811,6.475486012328117,24.29682313892841,7.273561745256523,0.8463477477477475,834,28,186,10,19,270,134,222,0.151,0.777,0.07200000000000001,-0.9622,1,0,5,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,0,2,9,7,1,0,14,0,23,4,0,2,2,33,43,17,3,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,9,2,0,2,4,5,0,2,8,7,29,2,25,34,8,31,0,2,1,1,9,11,1,2,17,129,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074763617093247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786924871236445,0.0,0.10395620694978193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111192601934848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114591066179598,0.0,0.10760662083011813,0.0,0.2593263056414612,0.1305308337796546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223890647667067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581831964244328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526842367321911,0.0,0.11995751392540392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550070388052493,0.06527355593930807,0.0,0.07100362992679021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374152142094976,0.13200104068673635,0.0,0.0,0.12303613851291124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866119268804395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521802720209424,0.0,0.3316915195491269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339530614599756,0.12666482015387764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997221923184885,0.0,0.0,0.09263796773567257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621972350630951,0.0,0.08465941624100988,0.09501895194935857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714148027990472,0.11810427409493095,0.14084581815566832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559451888752318,0.0,0.0,0.12496914411821247,0.0,0.08003677465205017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236264909959397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665897849207007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041828967985396,0.109198989399945,0.11502367073116655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005351789921678,0.0,0.1983694009048957,0.14570159689976658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589376822387916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759862059761707,0.0,0.07369009745288711,0.09916785353664057,0.10021558962725262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366946932183772,0.0,0.0,0.09095441173783787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Flopdog3,2019/03/05,"Wanting to die sucks I couldn't think of a better title lol 
Ugh I just need to rant 
I want to die I've been suicidal for like 12 years 
I felt better when I was an alcoholic bc being drunk I felt it drowned my desires to die 
Then I got sober and was super suicidal 
Then I started doing drugs 
I have no active physical addiction to any particular drug I just like being not sober bc then I can handle living 
I don't hate my life , I just hate being alive. I have severe depression. Antidepressants didn't help. I have hobbies that I frequently do (rock climbing, hiking, biking) I have work most days of the week to keep myself entertained I have friends etc etc 
Basically I feel like I'm doing everything ""right"" to help 
But it all feels like shit 
And I feel like shit 
It just sucks I just want to die but maybe only kinda sorta 
I overdosed on drugs last year and that was a fun adventure (sarcasm) but tbh it did help me feel better for the next few weeks 
Can't afford that again tho (not only bc that's an extremely unhealthy and dangerous way to feel better lol) but also I have no health insurance so even if I was going to attempt suicide I'd better be serious about it bc the alternative is a lifetime of debt lol
I don't think I want to kill myself right now but I definitely don't like being alive and sober 
Meh",0.5746813231141594,3.063355649253733,2.645312626058896,88.99803348124247,91.38805970149254,5.733118192819686,19.183541750705928,7.222845823187471,0.6942419120613144,1046,32,210,19,37,350,138,268,0.281,0.5579999999999999,0.16,-0.9894,2,0,4,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,0,9,13,27,8,0,8,3,28,10,2,0,1,39,51,18,9,8,13,0,7,6,1,0,7,0,0,0,9,5,2,1,9,4,1,2,10,11,0,0,10,7,32,16,18,35,5,21,0,1,0,0,4,3,4,4,21,130,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388114003974833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203376415674656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886839304115344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856307368271248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808210868555464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055538872373615114,0.0,0.07417315594663465,0.0,0.3575068218111915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996080070344215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192088276799365,0.05688001080477671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739714764110271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771879778176398,0.18456777282726836,0.16537323296131634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653441748953705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048942744179760383,0.0,0.06887629116764096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004704508901305,0.0,0.09153922026223676,0.0,0.0,0.17316888718317724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654547918171478,0.0952766132564833,0.0,0.0,0.070197520860549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082756616444675,0.2524369140690145,0.0,0.07604361667699225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651692960949671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385527558090691,0.0,0.0,0.0915872832108608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099297211371824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708830295713018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728862908239788,0.17679741835417606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095463934038604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282596767141386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036164915148734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317809621490746,0.0683563205360641,0.13815704833704126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269480180513963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091411083062597
suicidewatch,imannoyingaf,2019/03/05,"I’m disgusting and romantically unlovable I’m just gonna dump it all; I’m a 20 year old guy in college for context.

- I have gynecomastia. My chest is big and makes me look bad, and I hate it but I’m terrified of a surgery going wrong (my cousin got surgery and he’s fine but his nipples look inverted)

- I sweat a lot from my hands and feet. I’ve stopped wearing white socks because they turn yellow. Every time I take off my shoes I can smell my feet and it’s noticeable to everyone around me. I wash my feet often and it’s exhausting

- I don’t exercise. I’m a busy person, which isn’t an excuse, but the thought of spending hours a week away from work is stressful. As a result, I have no muscle mass and I’m chubby

- I’m depressed and on medication for it and I think that no one would want to deal with that baggage

Ok, sorry guys for dumping this. I just feel like I’ll never find anyone who will accept me for who I am. I feel like I’d need to get procedures done to get rid of my gyno and hyperhydrosis, but I don’t have the money and it’s embarrassing. I don’t have the energy to exercise (the depression).",0.6778936942885423,2.9028903862660966,2.9968454935622333,89.53818009243976,85.05150214592274,6.331396500495213,21.83707494222516,7.61054688173877,0.9415237372069992,872,30,191,16,26,298,134,233,0.198,0.708,0.094,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,4,17,4,2,11,1,15,14,8,2,2,36,39,17,0,3,6,1,3,2,0,3,6,0,0,3,12,14,0,1,6,2,2,1,7,12,0,1,3,8,26,5,21,33,2,15,0,2,4,0,11,7,0,2,9,110,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724941597533244,0.0,0.0,0.13654396969283286,0.0,0.0,0.14410899033579785,0.0,0.12806894275896266,0.09350125073385084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813181037870316,0.2642182297926949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696472988115753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923234237267306,0.1465646528021508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511076644461266,0.21915462357786544,0.0,0.0,0.14018987934412086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027325520969515,0.0,0.08717146428066831,0.0,0.12267491853854445,0.0,0.0,0.3037478612699196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514346014453768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105200064655974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987100952810373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576072743990464,0.0,0.0,0.1304012960607337,0.0,0.0,0.10238477889618873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545178928266171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373203459921954,0.11829892838938455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462830466523968,0.1609503410907222,0.0,0.10393673234008756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339286888296919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717004409486137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823560131591266,0.17570045538146772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532541763361892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982820509780785,0.0,0.12176948673742545,0.08943924108443463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668373683839464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046965210900597,0.0,0.12303511384651095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166512560201658,0.0,0.0,0.1089593457406022,0.16770094512650896,0.0,0.09877404314501327
suicidewatch,drugdealingaccount,2019/03/05,"Life is pointless I just feel empty as fuck and hopeless. It wouldve been much better if I wasnt born at all. Idk what's the point of existance at all. In the aftermath it doesnt even make any difference. Life seems like a cruel joke. Nothing makes sense. These thoughts are triggered by my depressive state, but still are not irrational.",2.197115384615387,4.981681076923079,2.4649038461538453,91.86197115384616,84.38461538461539,6.3269230769230775,23.509615384615394,7.6454224807358475,1.3010384615384614,270,10,53,5,8,82,57,65,0.165,0.7170000000000001,0.117,-0.2951,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,2,0,3,0,6,3,0,3,2,13,12,4,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,3,3,6,9,3,8,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,2,4,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793872245700408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24442374365827246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23803409371475104,0.0,0.0,0.288744209983355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253749149006748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973922520415205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25549641053240385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39041171701647337,0.13501873036969125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689536194964435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031612041439952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651811462998403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612557074197883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515937160646173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207066737796716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940416026854206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vileoss,2019/03/05,"Someone just mentioned that they plan not to wake up tomorrow, on my AskReddit post. What can I do? u/BurtReynoldsStache commented,
""I'm not waking up tomorrow. This is my last post.
Adios.""
on [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/axh10x/what_are_you_most_worried_about_right_now/) thread, and then deleted the comment 5 minutes later. What is the best thing that I, and other Redditors, can do to help?",8.08970982142857,12.107923015625,4.753839285714285,77.26437500000002,68.84375,7.4071428571428575,32.58035714285714,8.418075326091056,3.1572794642857147,339,15,46,6,7,91,47,64,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954305369651674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525624921174564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071439869608932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7217444713938309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31926318029817274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25033055946680155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Baconbaconbaconbits,2019/03/06,"How do I make it stop. TL;DR: years of systemic childhood abuse and manipulation have left me [36f] so damn tired. I can’t take it, but I don’t want to waste my life.

I just need a place to wash the damage away. To show me that I am a human. Not a piece of flesh to use and manipulate for your own gain and legacy.

Are there any places for people to just go and stop... just go and float away. Leave the pain.

I’m talking years of sexual, physical and psychological abuse, and then some terror and shame, from toddlerhood through to age 16. 
 
The weird grooming that happens after-the-fact.... it made me lean on him for security from everyone in my adult life, because he made everyone I was supposed to trust think I wasn’t trustable.

(To the point where the class left me at the top of a large mountain ski trip when I was 11, and didn’t send anyone to look for me until over three hours later after they had gone back to school.) 

To my main abuser, the fact that I wet myself while skiing around, not sure of where I was, the language, or if anyone knew I was there? That was my fault, deserving of him walking them in when I was naked in the bath, taking a *long* sniff, with eye contact, and then saying “plaiuuugh. You’re disgusting.”

... that’s the tip of the iceberg.

I’m so very, very tired. It feels like all of the things I have done in order to torture myself as an adult are impossible to crawl out of.

I feel like a frog who is led into a slowly boiling pot, and kept there by the manipulation of its surroundings when it was first put in.

The main thing he did that has destroyed me to this day? He decimated my trust in the people who were supposed to protect me.

He groomed me over the time before school, after he moved us. When I went to the local school that year, I shared the fascinating details of our house, and was branded a liar. 

Then they found out I was smart, and bullied me into thinking I didn’t deserve any better. 

My abuse started from the moment I woke up, until after I went to sleep. 

I was 2. I was 9. I was 11. I was 16.

I was every age in between. 

I was a fucking child. Now I am a shell of a woman, trying so hard to become the amazing woman I dream I can be. 

I’m so sorry. This is getting long, and I don’t want to get off track.

Due to a total lack of ability to imagine anyone helping me, I have pretty much tried like hell to run my business from my bed. It’s been hard as hell, but somehow I thought I was doing alright.

Turns out I wasn’t, and so now I have to deal with handling the debt I made. 

I know that I have to deal with this,  but I’m so angry that I’m having to fix the damage that my NStepdad created.

I just want a new start. I am so, so very tired. Why isn’t there a place where I can walk in and be taken care of like the child I actually am, and be able to start my life like every child deserves. 

I’m so fucking tired. I’m so sorry. This. This is the damage that is caused by the narcissistic abuser and their need to control their “legacy”. 

...The legacy that is dependent on isolation and self-aggrandizement, through the control of a woman and the sexualization and humiliation and physical torture of her young daughter.

Through dealing with this, I then found out that I wasn’t actually meant for anything but this - that the reason for my conception was pure deception, and spite. 

I was the means to public humiliation - and then I was the bounty paid in order to have a man who could make other women jealous. 

I’m almost 40, and am so fucking tired of having to be strong for everyone, and giving all of that care to everyone but myself. 

I don’t know where to start, and am on month 2 at least in my bed. My meds and the weed don’t work anymore. I feel like I am in prison, and don’t know how to escape. I throw up daily, and just feel so very, very alone. I worked so hard, and have to throw it away. 

I need a long sleep, and want to wake up and life has started over some days. I am the girl who was dancing, before they decided to change my name. 

I can’t survive constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Fuck all of the people and see children as objects for their own pleasure. ",2.4173904986522885,3.965768114386794,3.8428261455525607,89.0882924528302,75.99292452830188,6.496657681940701,22.963342318059297,7.1686216300943375,0.6762632884097033,3203,92,695,35,70,1057,335,848,0.203,0.6809999999999999,0.116,-0.9984,1,2,0,0,5,0,124.0,2,1,7,10,37,41,14,2,53,1,73,22,6,17,7,118,139,71,0,10,14,1,8,6,0,0,11,1,3,13,38,45,1,8,18,6,2,16,15,22,0,2,45,13,94,19,120,89,14,112,2,3,3,4,48,46,7,7,52,479,132,6,0.05447567742425561,0.3227238490952469,0.1063208059102644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454952194509148,0.05642037280681586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409065739814066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402523395367393,0.11427198083288635,0.0,0.044828840891630264,0.04849490242189094,0.0,0.0,0.15354507650919494,0.04188843335636192,0.0,0.033207867332868825,0.060164105778481074,0.09270957832962327,0.0,0.0,0.04817930976278464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108316749521847,0.055961526730680465,0.05762804349780856,0.0,0.0,0.058868854456663885,0.12219820878434914,0.04349439569705253,0.0,0.0,0.0702646105565883,0.16848609421631658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574753155623798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179621549327402,0.20821537713098154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017815726667037,0.11675230450992972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633698338815912,0.0,0.11945953703526288,0.0,0.2014475438774119,0.05692258610700816,0.052258033662858056,0.0619195657453667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817266163758175,0.0,0.14639852057586436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036513898279481496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053647568973313804,0.0628576177031345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898152229509857,0.0,0.0,0.057681876725412036,0.11837596583026933,0.0,0.1539111280077203,0.15968438590043066,0.0,0.0,0.14462778081260833,0.04574584898642643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463860943682026,0.07272587538251672,0.0,0.0,0.059339982807087466,0.06051019695595879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043481965991762406,0.057899023923236426,0.04004589095860776,0.1211790736538498,0.0,0.05261294871577822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057965961600244524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329972679554455,0.0,0.17074646505433022,0.0,0.05149712326095211,0.0,0.0,0.055421348300019616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476310209444279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601006930339771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043321245181358006,0.0,0.16539688161288427,0.04341006191739949,0.0,0.056830012257286476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903003821398766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196212177410758,0.19279082432830533,0.0,0.0,0.0910882111720839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134268127920003,0.0,0.08191785968267082,0.043785486011631014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238243895982459,0.06981162892403299,0.0,0.043247602882642365,0.03176520558787666,0.3130588875165061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739708181873774,0.059253893953027735,0.0,0.0,0.06552753252813001,0.047049494626477686,0.0,0.22474069514739856,0.12852466384383882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099899748148544,0.049155825725795625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793178839340897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524165061793624
suicidewatch,renai_love,2019/03/06,"I guess I'll vent Okay so I'm 13 and before you say ""oh you're too young to be suicidal and depressed. You haven't gone through anything"" Yes I fuccing have. I guess I started feeling sadder than usual when my biological father moved away in the beginning of 2018 (my mother and him divorced when I was about 2) I missed him but also hated him for leaving me and being abusive to my mother. I also   have had a lot of surgeries because I have a pacemaker. It makes me feel a little bad when I can't do things such as riding a rollercoaster with my family. But that's all fodder compared to what the big problems are. I made a really really bad decision and my family kinda hated me after that. It made me start to feel like nobody loved me and I became suicidal. I started self harming because it made me feel a little better and I thought everything would be okay and I would eventually stop but I didn't. So now my arms and hands are covered with healed and new scars which makes me feel even worse because I feel like I'm too ugly to be loved. I feel like nobody cares about me, like everyone just wants to be rid of me. My best friend stopped talking to me for whatever reason (I moved schools this year so we could only text each other) And everyone at this school just treats me like a pile of trash, because of the aforementioned really really bad decision. The only thing that makes me happy is my boyfriend (yes I am only 13 and shouldn't be dating ik) and he's the only person who makes me feel loved. But now even that isn't keeping me from wanting to die. I can't think about anything else but how to kill myself. I feel like I have no purpose in this world and I should just die. Like my family would be better off without me. Like my life wouldn't be trash anymore because it would be over. Like being dead would release me of all the pain. I guess that's all. Thanks for listening",2.321000581733564,4.437716984293201,3.7153490401396176,87.324931646306,78.10994764397904,6.65282140779523,22.914776032577077,7.6953281115453125,1.1005128563118092,1496,47,299,23,36,491,176,382,0.205,0.62,0.174,-0.967,0,0,0,0,1,1,30.0,1,2,0,3,22,33,3,0,13,4,35,8,2,9,3,72,75,29,6,12,9,3,10,9,1,8,3,2,0,2,18,18,0,3,14,0,0,4,9,11,0,0,8,12,57,22,35,48,6,31,0,2,0,3,21,10,0,5,26,203,75,3,0.0,0.0815120820016686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003236935075708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822720589967173,0.0,0.0,0.11322659186925695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463616340749652,0.0,0.17232551055221715,0.20968719949935066,0.0,0.05854038036180316,0.0,0.07219722104800083,0.12168904960627325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014216863163254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054928056271800696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059253946045716516,0.0,0.14279889847087635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747028077665808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087829817382684,0.0,0.0,0.13147516787409688,0.061829463124338485,0.0,0.19456440925957608,0.0,0.3130681972211757,0.19659167728647287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315166563688704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273598501202363,0.0,0.0,0.07323468559172279,0.0,0.13584373357643362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114909950360055,0.07611264788813944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284509463482927,0.0,0.0,0.048592692027201116,0.30249252095234364,0.13790345186097056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058487950412328814,0.18627339156319794,0.1952894874112317,0.18368761820491505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623864951655746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644366386452567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929001612331893,0.07320385878686976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007006638500707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582853872639463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629007175656503,0.07073380809594676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470938853042535,0.0,0.13925057201532012,0.0,0.0,0.07176929489807561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460826170040517,0.0,0.0,0.11503317401641575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505034481291956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552956674300453,0.0,0.06333816940729707,0.0,0.0,0.09141009126711128,0.04408173766425282,0.0,0.05461638739170365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576914113610185,0.0,0.08115539777929426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631694726721217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701090629962082,0.2443537373918443,0.0,0.0,0.044302407353375636
suicidewatch,Irequiresomeonetohel,2019/03/06,"I was told to post this here from r/advice and I need help badly I created this account because I don’t want anyone I know finding this, but I need serious help. I’ll give some information, but not too much. I’m 13 as of now, and in 8th grade. I am single, short, and constantly sleep deprived. I’ve been having several total breakdowns about things recently when I’m alone, and my parents haven’t found out. I sometimes gloss over some of the following with my close friends, but avoid discussion. I am in a Christian house, but I am an atheist/nihilist and frequently breakdown thinking about death. I also dread dying alone. On to the thing, I sort of just tried to kill myself. I made a necktie noose and tried to hang myself from my closet door, but the tie didn’t stay. I’m still sort of shaking from that so O’m sorry for any spelling errors that autocorrect doesn’t cover. I genuinely have no idea what to do from here and I’m just generally freaking out someone please help my hands are shaking a ton",3.12409090909091,5.2961132272727305,4.016161616161618,85.86090909090913,75.81818181818181,6.824242424242425,26.656565656565647,7.793537801064563,1.6242505050505054,801,31,154,12,18,257,125,198,0.224,0.6890000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9836,1,4,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,12,10,1,4,7,0,13,2,2,1,1,36,27,16,3,3,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,11,0,1,6,0,1,4,6,9,0,0,6,1,20,1,24,21,6,20,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,4,6,102,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150556638059508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31914268999726325,0.0,0.12321071945236647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047737303450242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773019726755337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286430545266872,0.09392040128812924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649628169496486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15990162823373807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081832725439072,0.0,0.0,0.16893116838221175,0.11903506217041065,0.0,0.0,0.14779917791607802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30981212475591113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777753143607844,0.0,0.1739276826806882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045700571670508,0.0,0.08467352727777668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578593788595998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326009319033813,0.22848375278485802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107788515068678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691239609564376,0.0,0.0,0.14755766407135726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212676774934386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740566529062706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541825140240516,0.0,0.1305440664278668,0.0,0.15238040150287835,0.17247014546516945,0.0,0.16421944799200644,0.12304149576854136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471617900591485,0.09872263306462556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722167776146936,0.0,0.2092085245381987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087521251091764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,izzykim,2019/03/06,"I didn't get into Cambridge for postgraduate, feeling suicidal It's not just the ""not getting into Cambridge."" It's not getting into anything. On paper I'm doing well. I've got publications, a good undergraduate degree and everything to my name. But in interviews (for jobs and graduate places)  I'm extremely socially anxious, I go into autopilot. I suffer from existential depression, so I'm not sure why I get anxious. I shouldn't care about anything, but my body goes into fight or flight mode. 

This rejection came after a whole string of rejections. I feel worthless. I feel like I can't expose the real me or people will see what I'm made of. I feel empty. I feel like I have zero presence. When with new people, I feel like eyes are on me as if I have a learning disability or some social awkwardness. I search myself for it and can't modify my behaviour. I don't know what to do to go on.

My anxiety is also crippling. My favourite thing is reading. I can't do it at the moment as my mind races ahead. 

I would turn myself off now if it didn't hurt. ",2.385025183150184,4.759691206730771,4.554587912087914,80.04993589743594,79.24038461538461,7.615750915750918,25.77014652014652,8.563005593585519,2.18530695970696,833,33,154,19,21,287,120,208,0.175,0.73,0.095,-0.94,1,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,7,15,1,1,6,0,17,2,2,1,1,38,40,15,1,4,12,0,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,8,1,0,3,11,8,1,1,5,8,27,7,26,32,2,21,0,6,2,0,6,12,0,6,9,108,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360187198223966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910614518154777,0.2927114645901245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21321883633042654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390193371565954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817180846200814,0.1320858583343968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158206932910364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643206742042675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930292086664724,0.2776537382115383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27074016033550424,0.0,0.14725361499116274,0.1086612156050959,0.10361375349497906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868700363649406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855935770725824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119783061333637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987619501548086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258426978434367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080955907014918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512114386594708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962867522644035,0.0,0.1353532006862401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958603843727656,0.14745737767531292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323535811950683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641218189491094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170774525686688,0.0,0.12210026557343916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606791464383699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409142648507549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648188955911035,0.0,0.11689960917629065,0.14463904275187187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202929926538922,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,passionfruits2,2019/03/06,"I think I need help. Contextualizing, I'm 17M, I live in Brazil and I identify as a bisexual male.

My mother is verbally abusive, I don't have any friends near me. There is a lot of pressure on me to go to university and apply to major in International Relations. I want to be an artist, I want to express myself. I want to be able to tell my relatives and friends about my sexuality. She is oppressing me into hiding my sexuality, and humiliates me when we're alone, shaming me about my sexuality, about my body, and about the type of art I appreciate. She belittles me in front of my family, talking to me like a baby and saying I'm a drama queen. She says I'm a cry baby, and all I say is bullshit. Lately, I have been contemplating suicide and I got back to cutting myself (I had stopped two years ago.)",3.607592592592592,4.837337475308644,6.573765432098768,71.97694444444448,72.39506172839506,9.597530864197534,30.16666666666667,9.928628108626363,3.051274074074075,629,27,125,17,12,232,93,162,0.197,0.732,0.071,-0.967,0,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,2,7,0,11,1,1,0,1,17,21,10,1,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,9,0,1,1,3,0,2,1,3,0,1,3,3,32,3,23,16,3,14,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,1,7,87,32,1,0.1828309110301633,0.21662473283892789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206857124231314,0.0,0.0,0.18935768490946034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433128903959535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405856851035677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030839258760027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008311706884448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235671138485018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28250941666044016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039070200784399,0.0,0.1462265814723996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254770575331746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062412311959692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932194798330477,0.0,0.161443044057202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543630246259485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556680388680428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361834362398654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285482824748522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999873420093542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695256077422444,0.15980227483896978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171506653995048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785992337060532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235152249334644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773711235654488
suicidewatch,kk_912,2019/03/06,"An interesting title Heyo, just looking for suggestions here. Making a list. Good songs to play at a funeral?",3.303508771929824,6.451048473684215,4.890526315789477,71.280350877193,90.57894736842104,8.849122807017544,27.385964912280702,8.841846274778883,3.732354385964912,87,4,13,3,3,29,18,19,0.106,0.5529999999999999,0.34,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159561297699502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6166872615883637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901988041534471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unholydays,2019/03/06,"Tired of bieng used. I'm 23 (m) my girlfriend is using me, just like my exes all of them. I have never been in a relationship with someone who wasnt cheating on me. But this one idk if shes cheating but shes using me for sure. She used to live in my town, and shes come back once since we got together the first time we hung out etc. She stayed with me too, well this time shes coming and I took the whole time off all 3 days. And well I wont see her but at night. As soon as i pick her up from the airport she wants me to drive two towns over and drop her at a friends house then go pick her up that night whenever they're done hanging out, next day shes getting picked up at my place at like 8 a.m. then i will have to pick her up that evening when shes done again Saturday she cancelled our plans for a date night to be with her friends again. Sunday I take her to the airport. I'm gonna do all this. And then I plan on killing myself in my car after dropping her off. I cleaned the car, bought plastic sheets to tarp the back seat and the floors so the clean up is easy. And since it's at the airport my body will be found shortly. I'm just tired of bieng used, cheated on everything in the book. Since theres something wrong with me I might as well fix the problem right?",1.4593203578716043,2.7995741660649847,2.4831298069376864,98.71050855438708,78.09747292418774,5.539412964997643,21.42975984931721,5.7926816847441245,-0.19869505572123725,992,26,246,5,23,314,146,277,0.104,0.774,0.123,0.5486,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,3,0,1,3,15,14,4,0,14,0,21,3,1,9,5,41,41,19,1,3,6,0,0,2,3,5,2,0,2,0,7,17,0,0,1,1,1,8,3,6,3,3,8,1,44,8,42,26,5,63,0,0,1,0,27,28,0,2,26,160,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126061792948967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647501434511195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065395898401151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525111360138106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461488689066235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169458085686074,0.06925856138429087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942407539138543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919324471498953,0.0,0.11497278136418684,0.16202802962478188,0.0,0.05478464264626512,0.0,0.05959394177549832,0.0,0.08386554032362721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099352327345513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160112502502784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024578890506678,0.0,0.09259265986399327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123911871331912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087393631294383,0.0,0.11151902727393892,0.2952099752584503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167170434561308,0.07105535769673138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955562294762293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033616345895062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125796175584425,0.0,0.08954924687190875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355926503150128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602220245848549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884692239767547,0.08072579192107257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176603388555344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882862458477644,0.0,0.07884112398943659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834328574016822,0.2410406195893835,0.0,0.0,0.11650251144929892,0.0,0.0,0.10243227384051984,0.0,0.0,0.4528237253580448,0.0,0.0,0.0618487164890877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28284324067842714,0.0,0.0,0.11707163444151995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464715480042173,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thetiniestpanda,2019/03/06,"He's pushing me to suicide. I don't even know where to begin. I've never met anyone more manipulative than my boyfriend. I've never met someone who can make someone feel so worthless so effortlessly. That's what I feel, worthless, expendable, easily forgotten.
He uses me to drive him around to places, to buy him stuff, to take care of him. It's all on his terms. He couldn't give a shit about me. He tells me to shut the fuck up, to go and hang myself, to leave...but when I do leave he's begging me to come back. He says he doesn't love me and tries to pass it off as a joke. He will like girls he's had a thing with befores posts on Insta and Twitter but ignores mine. If I try to touch him he pushes me away but he is OK to touch me. He hates me. But I can't leave. I'm stuck in this controlling mind fuck. I've just finished a 12 hour shift, I'm tired, I come home to someone who gets into bed and rolls over, tells me to go downstairs if I'm gonna use my phone. I want to die. I can't do it and I'm not strong enough to leave. I've lost everyone because of him. I'm tired of trying to make someone love me. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I'm sat here debating what pills to take because I can't live like this any longer. ",0.3550339366515836,2.036947014705888,2.3723529411764694,96.68712669683259,82.52941176470588,5.655203619909504,19.6527149321267,6.67199483983844,-0.07156606334841653,956,25,237,10,26,320,140,272,0.188,0.74,0.071,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,0,3,12,16,4,0,5,1,14,8,1,6,3,34,50,14,2,4,7,0,4,2,0,2,3,1,2,1,14,10,0,2,4,1,1,9,10,8,0,0,7,5,32,8,36,40,4,30,0,3,0,4,30,12,3,2,10,125,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467017605661172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677719185994172,0.0,0.0,0.0977484349270108,0.0,0.0,0.10316404522238933,0.08443214848661029,0.0,0.13387044398243647,0.0,0.09343472954770857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119520323489829,0.0,0.0,0.18917206303030984,0.0,0.0,0.12315401272116308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395874416834804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345641452424347,0.0,0.07252420601940535,0.0,0.0,0.10492199296138496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103994335595936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030232163640628,0.0573678203901941,0.10533356595850313,0.12480777031603195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840826818189546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014190866443434,0.0,0.10813437377725553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069031365677943,0.0,0.0,0.3487982999435807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072889315819578,0.0,0.09695854210139726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986354050829018,0.0,0.1982039731102483,0.0,0.14658943811234176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087027917479908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937452645646692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472133423550825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516144379347164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732018633066749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271176122333365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721447500710376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569878898026232,0.1201072566067952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511720153368084,0.0,0.19194627657520447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294859635936622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524060448952761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236481984802189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896700161940721,0.0,0.0,0.06476497586777467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,transgenderavocado,2019/03/06,"I can’t decide whether or not I want to live or die. I’m so confused. I’m confused with everything going on in my life. I feel like I’m having some sort of midlife crisis but I only turned eighteen a week ago or so. To keep it short, I’ve had a pretty shit life and raised myself due to an alcoholic father and a mother who took her own life too. I’ve had serious suicidal thoughts since I was young, been in and out of crisis. Now being older I feel like I have more mental stability and can control my thoughts and feelings more, and now I completely control my own life so I do feel less like I’m shackled down and unable to do anything. I truthfully love my job, even though it’s just fancy fast food, I try my best to be a very positive and caring person because it makes me feel good. However, I feel so lost. I have for a while. I’m still getting those suicidal thoughts, and mental breakdowns very frequently now. I feel like everyone around me hates me. I don’t feel like I’m really valued or appreciated despite being really proud of myself for all I’ve accomplished despite my obstacles I’ve faced all my life. I feel like a disappointment still. I get hallucinations almost (more like vague daydreams) of me killing myself, and at the most random times I imagine ways I can achieve it. 

I’m such a hypocrite, I’m incredibly against abusing prescription medication, and people recreationally taking pills like Xanax, Vicodin, etc. but I have an overwhelming feeling to just take like twenty at once and either not feel anything anymore or just pass. 


However I still have hope and genuinely believe that I could make my life even better for myself. But I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I’m just so tired of living I guess. Tired of everything. ",3.795818540433924,6.031894538461536,4.932994082840235,79.76264694280081,74.02958579881657,8.056962524654834,28.426429980276126,8.841846274778883,2.484851755424064,1406,58,255,30,30,462,174,338,0.182,0.606,0.212,0.9174,3,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,8,21,27,3,3,10,0,20,18,2,4,3,68,60,30,4,3,16,2,11,9,0,0,14,0,0,1,7,17,2,3,16,0,0,3,4,10,0,0,9,11,41,17,25,47,13,28,0,3,0,1,6,9,1,14,24,162,48,3,0.0,0.09034411145448153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759127118910835,0.08148835849880562,0.07635363956231107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756197871856791,0.0,0.0,0.12549496447947242,0.0678789138401183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648146202856074,0.0,0.0,0.08590795261724382,0.08001996299065095,0.06743717489754482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774224071942523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994696625826164,0.0,0.17104234200387514,0.06087964282026327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913575069009987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577130027691494,0.0,0.0,0.08503921634991073,0.10072517959781407,0.0,0.0,0.07286040871628656,0.1370576672930927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240987504735388,0.2723660708885616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220213939837817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967524677748719,0.0,0.04333479044541812,0.06395511591445578,0.0,0.0,0.08399827827207411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752813638496621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573373136283149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566663577496452,0.06777475099680783,0.08435963571340277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231469600510673,0.3352683106107656,0.0,0.13466078572569715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323618628583772,0.0,0.06881885333287296,0.0,0.10179530594969582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681413362691412,0.15368469289080988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812040580354674,0.0,0.057991772749002725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286234228879895,0.06657880205359118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757394567850602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769576178147203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826981510813448,0.06307501830274667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268071265871896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681085746024116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466143989717295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749155114573914,0.18160261161000185,0.044462150566980135,0.17527695647469754,0.0,0.0,0.08471686499677053,0.051768933884456116,0.08293840716160462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258289306332723,0.0449743898208566,0.06052392189474226,0.061163374046351825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swamptard,2019/03/06,"Bipolar 2, off my meds, miserable, almost my birthday I’ll be 27 in less than 2 weeks. I have Bipolar 2 disorder, I stopped my meds (because honestly I dont notice a difference). I’m a failure at literally everything I do. I’m just so tired of this life I’ve stuck myself with, and I don’t feel like I’m going anywhere... so tell me, whats the point? ",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,76.83783783783784,8.176576576576577,29.900900900900893,8.841846274778883,2.471592792792793,270,13,58,6,6,97,53,74,0.236,0.687,0.077,-0.8845,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,5,4,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,10,2,6,9,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338251571903164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234469014924025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396681282992244,0.2676211139206288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736703688377676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098624949816045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806897669859773,0.16681860800323353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270833251426234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649340471579625,0.11408051895667486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187508821465381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585111668309885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207411268143064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952236659098144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040968301261667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683838133615742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730653355439675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guybrush3pwood83,2019/03/06,"Thinking about suicide after losing my job. I was fired on Monday. I had been a great employee up until then, but I mishandled one thing and now my well paying dream job is gone. 

All I can think about now is having to go through nerve shattering interviews for lower paying jobs I’m sure will make me miserable. 

I’m at a point where blowing my brains out seems like a reasonable alternative. Yesterday I found myself checking to see if I have hollow points for my .45. Don’t want to risk FMJs passing through my head and hurting somebody else.

The only thing that has kept me from doing it is the pain it would cause my family, especially my wife and 4-year-old daughter. 

I just feel so....exhausted. Like I’m done. I’ve had enough of things not working out for me. 35 more years of working a job I hate. I’m 35 now so I’m not even halfway through. 

In the meantime, I was given no severance, have about $1k in savings and my laughably small unemployment check is still weeks away. ",2.562159803654211,4.89725923834197,3.5954131442596133,87.37758658303792,78.37823834196891,6.757458412871557,25.183801472593398,7.85451343220497,1.4833481865284974,775,29,153,13,19,249,129,193,0.174,0.7240000000000001,0.103,-0.9509,8,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,1,2,7,0,19,3,2,3,2,25,37,9,1,3,5,2,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,6,1,4,3,4,6,1,1,10,3,21,6,25,25,3,26,0,3,1,0,3,12,0,2,13,101,27,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448449229731162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790951997182736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611004146070452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558956080609458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068352989274867,0.0,0.0,0.1369039390562653,0.0,0.08751245597368222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490557622316845,0.0,0.06699403335528056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527518715667898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530061412897593,0.0,0.0,0.1460774706230597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081251511961126,0.13597927270888996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418398664937666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5259279285178409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294618502823352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822929810605234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844220745815969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903241878990966,0.0,0.0897828187280231,0.1007692908525332,0.14098524285602446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505033722860325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622810706704425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558227540546496,0.12061951668464768,0.0,0.1496829334040536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058115947281566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449292806199011,0.0,0.1248760512065229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26407365944273026,0.16979636300880294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814966078703023,0.0,0.10628041766329856,0.0,0.11912994895549354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291754713556625,0.0,0.0,0.09412146184606753,0.0,0.0,0.17064635016050553
suicidewatch,ssddgrl,2019/03/06,"I’m just really tired of trying tonight. I’m tired of trying to get better.
Major depression.
Generalized anxiety. 
Chronic pain. 
I frankly don’t see the difference anymore between doctors taking shots in the dark with a prescription pad and just starting an illegal drug habit. Other than that illegal drugs would probably actually make me feel better. :p",5.396159250585481,8.853715360655741,6.185620608899299,66.23590163934429,75.72131147540983,10.043091334894614,34.943793911007035,9.957137785484203,5.065471194379391,291,16,39,10,7,95,51,61,0.29100000000000004,0.601,0.107,-0.9335,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,2,7,0,1,0,8,10,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,7,9,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.18807043126290607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743302521955434,0.0,0.1911300231738732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408967224226533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599255284636708,0.0,0.0,0.2013551411344499,0.0,0.19726076929525824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469963767542092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744684201502334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006901257575156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864449841272158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507149665378105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778863519210164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346367206398436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357575586560893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641075484532278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490416120112176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430148510018457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616933451221521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690531474791182,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,colesmith961,2019/03/06,"It’s too late for me Note: I’m not a poet, and I’m not sharing this because I want people to think I’m a good writer or interesting or anything like that, I just wrote it a while ago and I haven’t found a better way to express how I feel. 

It’s too late for me

They’re reaching down trying to pull me out
But it’s too late for me

I hear them calling from above
Telling me it gets easier
But it’s too late for me

My hand grips the edge of the cliff
They’re trying to keep me from slipping
But what they don’t realize is
It’s too late for me

I look down towards my inevitable end
The hungry ground waiting to swallow me up
And get rid of all my hurt
Get rid of all my pain

I’m already falling
And in the moments before everything ends
I finally feel true happiness 
Because they finally know
It’s too late for me",1.888434991974318,3.0461767359550582,3.687672552166937,91.26932584269665,76.58426966292134,6.6587479935794525,25.07383627608347,7.1686216300943375,0.8959409309791329,641,22,148,7,14,216,93,178,0.06,0.789,0.15,0.9309,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,1,8,9,0,0,8,0,3,3,1,1,3,27,21,11,0,1,8,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,5,1,2,6,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,6,24,7,22,19,2,23,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,2,14,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046571964959564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125069335728831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326605120027898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817741406281464,0.0,0.09644077459140024,0.0,0.0,0.1002366753580044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572895114317935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007644997687173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185928549538982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461239519472186,0.0,0.0,0.2483085757284245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426731403145225,0.0,0.0,0.1776404896283984,0.0,0.0,0.09506104312851683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064851239046262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277381556124893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132876630026633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007384387536664,0.0,0.0,0.06228662185400584,0.0,0.7670891483041107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537035167188276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517387933545383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059772760020622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857306375476528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906085072679406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262127269076213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538957059601007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684863828810338,0.0899610151162688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thakooshmahn,2019/03/06,"Someone chat? I'm a great listener, but never keep friends long, and I hate my life rn Just pulled the trigger on my skull the first time. Safety was on so I figured I'd survive, but I really hoped a miracle would happen where the safety failed and I died. For some reason, I've also really been fantasizing about just playing Russian roulette every day until I die.

Someone talk to me? Very fucking bored of myself and the world in general. I really just wanna talk to someone else in a shitty postion, I guess. Not gonna lie, I feel supremely lonely and hopeless right now. Thanks",2.6233630952380977,5.231016991071427,3.958928571428572,83.30273809523813,79.98214285714286,6.2333333333333325,25.404761904761905,7.492282038375204,1.6144619047619058,461,18,81,7,12,151,81,112,0.261,0.535,0.204,-0.8908,0,2,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,8,12,2,0,7,0,3,3,1,2,1,22,14,9,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,6,0,1,2,2,12,6,11,10,1,15,0,3,0,1,5,7,1,3,7,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726835154654402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069997600966756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562909625852683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433914538362999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446224318670317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679133969145847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460053050546258,0.0,0.0,0.13261627586461444,0.15868755336284282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892446049169796,0.18909170103321316,0.0,0.15178942700628448,0.0,0.0,0.16946872530321147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048706692064675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525703052100475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124139053153808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519047473018028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238697370043462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298899363000829,0.17648467070610066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465880644742118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363151732832035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759313522220729,0.0,0.15803215282586466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009042869989668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141629132299405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193515389672847,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManyDivide,2019/03/06,"Hypothetically is IV'ing a gram of Fentanyl w/o tolerance enough for certain death? It's hard to find solid answers on google, it's mostly anti-suicide stuff. I did see something that shows illegal drug overdose has a 49.4% lethality rate. The other 50% chance leads to moderate to severe health complications for the short and long term",6.4233898305084765,9.097884559322038,6.212000000000002,71.54274576271187,67.8135593220339,8.787796610169492,32.13898305084746,9.3871,3.375926101694916,275,12,42,6,5,86,52,59,0.179,0.6990000000000001,0.123,-0.6808,0,0,2,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,6,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,7,3,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35006732652029376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31190702682554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758989539274808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27041156407024913,0.0,0.0,0.3208681612965565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267140844481964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24054715908254076,0.0,0.0,0.3410212960008112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323902670036858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455629698048224,0.3301910911382864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Smokethatdopecuz,2019/03/06,"Every function i go to i always think about how i will eventually kms I'm probably gonna do it here in a few weeks, but everytime I'm at work or at my grandfather's or finish talking to someone I always think about how they'll perceive my death. I tried hard oh so hard, though at this point I can compare my life to being up to my neck in quicksand. 

This life doesn't want me in it so to hell with it. I'm not scared or sad about it anymore I have come to terms, but the only thing is I'm sad for my family they're all gonna think they could've talked to me etc. But no I've been made up my mind Superman himself couldn't save me anymore. I may leave a note I'm still not sure.",0.9011538461538464,2.248183447368426,2.9436842105263166,94.78309716599192,79.65789473684211,6.2558704453441285,20.902834008097166,7.010146845296331,0.22015121457489828,532,14,131,6,13,180,89,152,0.175,0.7609999999999999,0.064,-0.9424,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,10,6,1,1,3,0,11,3,1,3,2,24,25,11,1,2,8,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,2,20,2,20,16,4,15,1,2,0,0,5,9,1,4,4,79,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811378289368984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350797351434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455240568547133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488225338263238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840913966977754,0.0,0.0,0.14233650335058656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925853883688987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601065174443947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026683021370561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887963236123391,0.0,0.0,0.2386500540315695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985204351441373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705779653895967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284840157346573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969983987226902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214239628548567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913516429423064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313956537769448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349131117917348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592208935118989,0.0,0.0,0.27156993097861304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223407424986474,0.3247435561758077,0.1659795053088268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469696821591432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996432758558656,0.0,0.13551087578179505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298797060074018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RagsandRex,2019/03/06,"I know this isn’t nearly as bad as other peoples but I needed to vent I want to kill myself daily, Im 15, and if you looked at me youd think I was just a acne covered nerd with a weird sense of humour. No major life issues just major depression. Every man on my moms side has tried or succeeded at killing themselves. I intend on breaking that cycle. That and my concern for my mom and dad are the only things stopping me from ending it. I just wanted to say, find your motivation, and have a good night.",1.613653846153845,3.629854596153848,3.556384615384616,88.08861538461541,79.96153846153845,5.313846153846153,20.015384615384615,6.2581,0.1852261538461537,394,10,79,3,10,133,80,104,0.236,0.633,0.13,-0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,3,0,2,3,9,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,0,20,12,9,2,4,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,15,3,14,10,2,10,0,1,1,0,8,6,0,2,3,55,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651731454776764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717704118259596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663747770565374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680299855767272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822771526980914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727402409921455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542068545421791,0.208155099970884,0.0,0.0,0.4412837201702311,0.0,0.10960256212400132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408646559134563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747257616404854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671444852275912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787623424954424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871533376179296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516769542775584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826097555330694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158596259418185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673400670397562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249369932161106,0.12778791520062824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540117581464392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352602152048012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Timontim01,2019/03/06,"""Are you doing alright?"" Me: ""Yeah, I'm fine.""

Me inside: ""No. I'm probably going to kill myself in the next couple of months.""

No I'm not alright. ",-2.9643333333333324,-3.7055194333333312,1.0500000000000007,93.47166666666668,143.33333333333334,2.666666666666667,13.333333333333336,5.033348758259628,-0.7736666666666663,107,3,22,1,9,39,23,30,0.265,0.735,0.0,-0.8243,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633758998234031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380042740940665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633218172843664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33426893833882165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453809287192146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515193681329373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dieter_Pootisspencer,2019/03/06,"Suicide is very tempting... Am 23, no life, no gf, no money, no friends no real job (ever had). 4th year of college and still nowhere near graduation, for a degree I don't give 2 fcks about anyway. I learn quickly but can never stay focused for long and have 0 motivation.. Cripping social anxiety & depression.. Never sleep well. Sit depressed in my room all day. Achieved almost nothing in 2018 in or out of college. Keep getting rejected at job interviews cuz no social skills..

I like to think i got a lot of potential but then im just lazy as fck..

I don't know anyone in my city n dont have hobbies.

Friends I dont have, fam won't care anyway might as well kill myself.

Fentanyl overdose, clean and easy way to go..

This way I won't have to witness my parents's decline in old age and eventual death.. or my own.

Just have to get over myself and do it... or change my life drastically. Which I know won't happen.

​",1.1822529644268798,3.669699043478264,2.8707312252964456,89.37743083003954,85.73913043478261,5.30197628458498,24.66798418972332,6.7829847944221076,1.0431826086956528,720,30,143,9,22,237,121,184,0.239,0.698,0.063,-0.9856,3,1,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,0,3,10,10,1,0,2,0,18,3,1,2,4,28,29,14,3,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,5,0,1,1,15,4,2,0,2,0,15,6,21,23,3,26,0,3,0,0,8,10,0,6,12,91,18,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125923481814663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725066833556465,0.15280368034212233,0.0,0.0,0.09620071401381848,0.0,0.0,0.08792943358159161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821358211057604,0.0,0.13303001802133824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110029285447377,0.0,0.21662177902158467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29476319937213263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375080362085925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431293840480413,0.0,0.13140152252304785,0.12063375290875647,0.07146833769649674,0.0,0.10057617567113908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120297787008897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583483798252574,0.0,0.2495809312720358,0.11177505975566522,0.1391270817546178,0.0,0.13822113913705336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776461501189966,0.0614365722100457,0.0,0.0,0.11128746307122203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691071831629344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334040787436686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397695869934287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066341165247685,0.0,0.13195663769512947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396338438170401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431344644974805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258438345996037,0.25637872932084915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403598444321965,0.10042652203717947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755339035764513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057745578518773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375940917280464,0.0,0.1996337835826402,0.0,0.0,0.22613412971997024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280368034212233,0.08098082015012845
suicidewatch,crapcor3,2019/03/06,"I am just too stupid I can't get a good grade on the sat or pass the tasc. I can't learn algebra. I can't remember anything. I'm never going to go to college or make a good amount of poverty. I'm not going to be the genius that saves my family from generations of poverty. I'm just too stupid. I want to kill myself immeditately, it's all too much money and I'm too dumb to afford an adult life. I need to die before I'm an adult and I'm stuck like the rest of my family. I'm sorry I couldn't do better everybody ",0.22083794466403006,1.8718931391304388,3.4681422924901213,88.81841897233204,82.82608695652173,6.616600790513835,18.280632411067195,7.686295010490155,0.3929999999999998,401,9,94,7,11,146,66,115,0.299,0.669,0.032,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,4,0,8,0,7,1,0,1,2,16,23,4,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,4,6,4,0,0,2,0,10,5,11,19,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,53,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500296177341966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913003574775387,0.0,0.0,0.19882992343838066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333216845880088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238697096912927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174561600539305,0.0,0.3833013354831881,0.37712703179168783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872364442414116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587929442574122,0.10983288047369896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006524901965773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652643317748834,0.16669690824794597,0.17339059906074072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546707057930303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516611326949684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260126181671292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jkztibz,2019/03/06,"MICRO PENIS makes me suicidial Hi all,

Unfortunately I am one of the few who was cursed with a micro penis. Its about an inch when soft and 3 inches when erect and it hasn't grown at all since I was 13. I can't take it anymore, the feeling of being worse or inferior or disadvantaged to other males. The rejection and the fear of having sex is something I never want to experience. And the final straw would have to be the fact that there is no cure or treatment that will do anything about it. Thus, I think its best that I end everything now, but I'm a little scared of killing myself. I don't want to die in pain, rather in peace,",2.579915433403805,4.329629077519382,4.0766596194503215,86.72251585623683,76.05426356589146,6.8614517265680055,21.804792107117688,7.686295010490155,0.7812263565891473,497,13,105,7,11,165,88,129,0.208,0.701,0.091,-0.9116,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,2,9,0,15,2,0,2,4,21,22,10,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,2,9,1,14,16,4,13,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,3,6,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208736961422988,0.0,0.0,0.18327568539545505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372592873763334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311432814403373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725961818182605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001621181856476,0.21785826353656326,0.0,0.2506165901103701,0.1126115291351832,0.0,0.0,0.2439736850682713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640144119270724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232192035542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486641678839812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177174127031494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091762655058466,0.0,0.2369847430937021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297683188339346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842323675490213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714570908240613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745416099162747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427069480845551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627264656824745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269658807341,0.15821053326816942,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BennyRivs,2019/03/06,"I have a ""good"" life but still want to die I read here a lot about people that are in unfortunate situations and I understand their pain. 

For me, I've never had major family problems. I went to a ""good"" school and have a ""good"" job. I have friends and family that care about me. I've been in relationships, but the most recent girl I had a thing with ended poorly. Besides that, I don't have much to complain about. 

Yet, every morning it gets harder and harder to get out of bed. I don't see a point to anything anymore. I've gone through depressive periods for the past few years. I think I have a lot of pent up self hatred that's manifested into a rather bleak outlook on life. I've tried different ways of dealing with my pain: counselors, exercise, meditation, journaling, etc. but nothing seems to really help. They only mask the pain. I often sit at work with a blank stare on my face and just wish I wasn't alive anymore. I keep imagining holding a gun in my mouth. I even move my finger like I'm pulling the trigger and think that I can finally be at peace.  The other day my coworker even said ""hey you look pretty out of it right now"" 

I think I've pushed myself my whole life to succeed with the hope that ""success"" would lead to happiness.  I've only found that happiness is not a true function of success.  ",3.371642036124797,5.0226199463601535,4.583579638752052,84.33724137931036,73.67432950191571,7.8833059660645874,26.221674876847292,8.563005593585519,1.8071950738916256,1030,36,207,19,21,339,153,261,0.159,0.664,0.177,0.7324,2,0,0,1,0,2,37.0,0,1,2,5,13,19,0,0,17,0,16,10,3,2,2,41,35,9,1,6,6,0,1,1,1,1,7,1,1,2,11,13,0,2,7,2,1,6,5,6,0,0,8,5,28,13,34,25,8,32,0,1,3,0,12,13,0,6,12,133,39,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130395801409128,0.0,0.0,0.08838756209687118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950952745617272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926921938263239,0.1107328438478868,0.09251027959311817,0.0,0.11147245799408703,0.11221841031085394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513153211584503,0.0,0.1197882169531428,0.14188382941654298,0.0,0.09049580064743963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250924594497308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176601205579727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776723463910865,0.0829830885037539,0.0,0.11223240472378654,0.0,0.0,0.27026598889039266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286754449999754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719932611993783,0.0,0.0,0.1066802944871142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658578208235572,0.0954690897308506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22759615986505066,0.052474081766522684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019559702059507,0.0,0.0,0.1826287363646092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141576152891064,0.07895717585884149,0.0,0.08283960534785784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306079101601212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337711831612348,0.34286878236481705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253300809363276,0.07446312417422213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153519675070287,0.0,0.0,0.10927246314938496,0.0,0.1027748686659057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743698086328823,0.0,0.06880826052963629,0.0,0.10605235803431903,0.11531590415813002,0.0,0.09172577233488176,0.10216952309809482,0.0,0.0,0.10870254396812576,0.08559020191105447,0.09778013163484477,0.11204987988647026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073099640113677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577609946872602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135704594448886,0.2064679645026941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729229236787369,0.0,0.0,0.11181542720471986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335197096629458,0.08525540330652477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995682130528078,0.0,0.1199171010674796,0.12351380122735085,0.0,0.0,0.07819424116457252,0.0,0.0,0.07629950095915014,0.0,0.0,0.06916717559615207
suicidewatch,wreckedandtheworried,2019/03/06,"a shitty angsty suicidal poem fuck me can i leave please

can i just go

is that allowed?

​

can i stop this

can it just stop

is that allowed?

​

can i forget this

can it just end

is that allowed?

​

why am i not allowed

why do people try to stop me

why do people tell me 'no'

​

i would be better off

not existing

because the pain

because the happiness

because the fear

would be no more

​

and i 

would just float

on the edge of existence

for just a second

before

it all ends

before 

they sweep me away

and i 

would be nothing

know nothing

feel nothing

fear nothing

love nothing

​

and people would look at me and feel sad

but i wouldn't care

because i couldn't care

because i would be nothing

because i am nothing

​

​

love,

nothing",4.703925438596492,6.581942243421057,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,70.64473684210526,6.119298245614036,32.40350877192982,6.42735559955562,1.9024719298245607,639,30,112,4,12,196,67,152,0.201,0.727,0.07200000000000001,-0.94,4,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,1,5,11,1,2,6,0,25,4,0,4,1,32,35,5,1,8,8,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,8,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,0,3,18,6,7,23,2,10,0,1,1,3,4,4,1,0,5,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318164098775176,0.4842680249077998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680501707964338,0.0,0.0,0.18220907498005529,0.0,0.08478174935628169,0.0,0.0,0.0440593759357212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158416674916766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824672744047239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211668218451423,0.05037827310953853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460553145672006,0.0,0.0,0.02831233405360057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303146921534869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027378299192687708,0.0,0.0,0.05274935452242493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183400650435553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992416230558019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824085382547807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053009146585854726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361118249467596,0.0,0.0,0.05468446340410167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494854406703874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544920682855321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354253816874672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03382269383722046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485716269579334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123327917221059,0.0,0.4842680249077998,0.0
suicidewatch,urbansents,2019/03/06,"I'm trapped I don't want to die. But I just feel it's going to be my only way.

No health care services are taking me serious, I'm getting 0% support from anyone, I never expected my professional consultant to *not* notice all this seeking behaviour I've been seeking.",2.7100000000000013,4.927347169811323,5.24211320754717,76.35901886792455,77.30188679245283,8.013584905660379,31.35471698113208,8.841846274778883,3.1318483018867926,212,11,37,5,5,75,43,53,0.147,0.6890000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.4449,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,8,13,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,4,11,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,22,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236814410588512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242442847836691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300562814485326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080131043819887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661531952723453,0.0,0.1807390423043708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380421609119207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452779151889541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620697759855197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186980854076526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36088721925605394,0.0,0.0,0.23911271547923665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757741899510028,0.2524307967645166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,henrylogjumper,2019/03/06,"Having a really rough time Don't know where to start. About to turn 42(M), wife (39/F) and I are addicted to heroin for about 2.5 years now, ""functioning addicts"" with jobs, but its quickly becoming dysfunctional as our habits have gotten more expensive than we can afford, so I've ended up selling most of my beloved items that were worth anything (guitars/studio equipment/etc.) and we still can't make ends meet with this. We started on it shortly after hearing my sister in law who we were extremely close to had a rare malignant form of breast cancer. She passed away in July at age 36. My father (67/M) also just passed away out of nowhere 3 weeks ago. My job sucks, it's something they (a managed services company) moved me to when the company I was hired to do much higher level support for ended their contract with my company to relocate support to India back last spring, so they moved me to this role so as not to lose me, but it's way way beneath me, stuff I was doing 15+ years ago and had moved way past in my career. I've had 5 bosses in the time I've been there and the new one absolutely hates me for some reason and micromanages me to death, harping on things like being 2 minutes late from my 30-minute allowed lunch, and ignoring the fact that I kick ass on calls, we're handling 70% of the calls vs. the Indian helpdesk counterpart when all we're required to do it 51% and I constantly get accolade emails from customers to the bosses, but never hear a peep about that, or staying 40 minutes late on a call or anything, just stuff like being 2 minutes late coming back from lunch.

​

Add to this I used to find meaning in my life from making music and being creative and such but I've lost basically all drive to do this anymore. All I do is sleep and go to work and basically hate the vast majority of my awake existence. I feel no purpose anymore whatsoever and the only reason I don't kill myself is what it would do to my wife (together 22 years now) and dog who I love very much.

​

I want to get my life together but I just see like no hope. I tried getting on subs months ago but even after 24 hours they made me immediately go into accute withdrawl which is the worst I've ever felt in my life and I'd rather die than experience that again (ended up scoring dope to make it stop). I badly need some kind of hope and drive to live again.",9.155,6.424788634819535,8.876877919320595,73.36487101910829,61.802547770700635,11.79791932059448,37.56273885350319,9.888512548439397,3.4615408917197463,1881,66,370,28,20,610,260,471,0.113,0.787,0.1,-0.8722,5,0,1,0,0,1,62.0,5,0,4,4,26,18,4,0,15,0,28,12,3,10,6,74,61,31,3,6,14,4,3,3,0,1,6,2,0,0,22,27,2,3,7,0,3,10,7,9,0,1,12,6,44,9,65,45,13,79,0,2,1,3,25,24,2,7,44,237,66,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164617354916855,0.0,0.0,0.1971607958646751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928939619219222,0.0,0.1606604102185718,0.18017541195225295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470530850345296,0.0,0.0,0.1220211162304093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931315387362314,0.11401752295229856,0.0619034533773275,0.0,0.08188134243579484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271144047099371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386468432078493,0.0,0.08011854856310567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769451800157039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626626521220763,0.0,0.0826852308012144,0.04896849406672462,0.0670634956448703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252273655229051,0.0,0.0,0.03748719983187978,0.0,0.07118562446177684,0.0,0.06776223394211335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162046133250937,0.0,0.0842704649336863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463949742746199,0.0,0.0,0.1671213923229018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727466517109936,0.07301255306819472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714418856497227,0.0,0.08202446175618364,0.07720496477360858,0.04074517483605259,0.06043365384645634,0.2508980302042143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710093602339129,0.10866256312114404,0.0,0.06546660838093338,0.0,0.0,0.08294322704191802,0.08093211073039942,0.0,0.06691386651412265,0.07015266422425713,0.14846623819352142,0.0,0.0,0.08075973854329553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917750627362469,0.2363959246072163,0.10900224538535627,0.05497355994085206,0.05718101547791201,0.07160446938603715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023889887742595,0.056386492257791125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707746191954849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749571408303526,0.15245567453025954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059079647225289175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419312378428496,0.0,0.0,0.057076271636437824,0.0,0.0,0.10495275414498932,0.07902292883067953,0.05920796520891412,0.06198400952144671,0.0,0.0,0.1697441651612835,0.0,0.16826543599870236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925504330297257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646277186802788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033590889356257,0.08064257448263246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640327938243807,0.0,0.06117291890409712,0.04372944580274485,0.17654564560906932,0.05947029990015795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053974498013837136,0.0,0.0,0.05266663122043649,0.0,0.18017541195225295,0.14323037833361568
suicidewatch,cricketsaresweet55,2019/03/06,"not seen, heard or read no matter what i fucking do LONG ASS FUCKING RANT, RAMBLED ALL OVER THE PLACE. **SCROLL DOWN FOR TLDR;**

i'm done. so fucking done. Done with being an anxiety filled sack of shit. Sick of having to hear abuse from everyone. Sick of being critical, judgmental of others despite not being better myself. I wish I was aborted or killed as a baby, so I won't have to bear the sin of killing myself.

I try so fucking hard. Go to a counsuler. Get therapy. Do mediation, postive thinking!. Go to church. Live your life. Be yourself.

""ITS OKAY TO FAIL EIAW TEOWA""

""EVERYONE HAS THEIR DEMONS""

BULLSHIT. Abosulte fucking bullshit. Now I realize everything. I don't think i'll be cut out in this world.  I look aroud me and everyone is fucking miserable.

I try so hard to convey what I'm feeling and no one gets it. I thought I would be a good person, writer. I thought. Can't do shit for shit. Just cause I won 1st place in some retarded writing contest. Thought I would be as smart as everyone in my family. No the fuck not.

I've been molested as a child. I've been abused. I've been treated like a burden by my father, who laughed at me when I told him. He told me I should just stfu and deal with it. That others have it worst. My mom is falling into her own delusions, thinking that writing 900 postive affirmations and cutting out negative thoughts, will somehow make our sorry lives any worth of meaning. She tries. But as much as she can be one of the only good things in my life, she can also be one of the most toxic people. I hate myself for thinking that. I remember her getting mad at me once for seeing my self-harm scars. Not for the reasons you may think.

But because I might ruin her reputation. That my father will talk shit about her and call my mom crazy.

She apolizgized for it afterwards. And then I feel like shit for holding it against her.

This is the last draw. i've posted so many times. 

I can't stop comparing my miserable life with other people, despite knowing they're probably worse off or better off than me.

 Earlier today I asked one of my friends if she was still sick because I was geunilay concerned for her and she responded with: ""Obviously I'm still sick, you think I'll get better in one night?"" I told her to stop being grouchy and she told me, ""You asked me a dumbass question"".

I didn't know what to say. All I fucking do is inconveince people. you're probably struggling to read this shit post. I'm sorry.  I never do anything right. 

​

TLDR; Miserable. Riddled with anxiety, shitty ass fucking grades no matter how hard I try. Molested as a child. Depression getting worse and a computer addict. Over the fucking edge.

​",1.6524856674856672,4.3460793532818585,3.0295963495963503,87.32091143091145,86.54826254826256,5.842096642096642,25.41605241605241,7.289230843659084,1.5423052767052772,2107,91,393,35,66,683,250,518,0.28800000000000003,0.636,0.076,-0.9991,0,0,0,0,2,1,95.0,1,4,1,5,15,47,24,4,17,1,46,26,8,4,4,71,97,31,2,5,12,4,5,2,1,8,8,3,0,3,21,17,0,3,19,2,1,4,15,34,0,5,21,11,68,13,58,58,7,39,3,6,3,12,47,19,18,10,16,262,89,5,0.0,0.12591119693467184,0.0,0.057924360157141426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042491576053192086,0.0,0.11514224259275704,0.12912827101606708,0.03613322729645605,0.0,0.08129537091843961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372509987783128,0.0,0.09934701917005354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647804978660761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097922829515205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054256183063071915,0.0,0.0,0.054583685345114034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477925334900192,0.045764597630851264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631248769825428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308885931628615,0.04775379009245679,0.0,0.05009040183404773,0.0,0.05373271798936944,0.03795923988610031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105152067686677,0.4912191460335184,0.13880270565383274,0.0,0.060395030135913914,0.08913326021189567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279400954445726,0.05245923877374797,0.0,0.0,0.05988635243462888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757072524864084,0.0,0.05840257471114992,0.04331164362451631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125912355293084,0.051917586859654107,0.0,0.09383733171933717,0.04702228918824653,0.04461953010926803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546763759172908,0.053869961565635255,0.0,0.057878959691619464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056367222294948074,0.0,0.12446077979700633,0.0,0.0,0.03905991203508423,0.0,0.04098053992829192,0.0,0.0,0.04986305324827183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056586422615655,0.1800262888121546,0.04041112033554796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051014863940244,0.04639492559107133,0.11102831852282154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177617228415628,0.0,0.11457578209103846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595227101895156,0.0,0.10629759679696428,0.0,0.0,0.05463103274018767,0.0,0.0,0.060190939323426174,0.045376503905812486,0.0,0.042254623021951834,0.0,0.0,0.04234125298108071,0.0,0.055430787693468285,0.0,0.3272503081427499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189592648352577,0.0,0.0,0.0848664320504797,0.08884550775739485,0.0,0.055547631949328366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270743367391862,0.0,0.0,0.06076383937447617,0.0,0.03530014729323798,0.20427834313516835,0.0,0.16873117554760422,0.030983107288617667,0.0,0.05036521681292955,0.20308885931628615,0.0,0.1442991319408327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061101960126895415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829702568068597,0.07549033418098137,0.0,0.12912827101606708,0.0
suicidewatch,maureenpurrnderosa,2019/03/06,"A therapist who wants to die Sorry for the long post but I don’t know where else to turn. 

I just graduated in December with a master’s degree in clinical psychology. I have complex ptsd and a ton of issues related to it. My parents never really loved me and neglected my well being my entire life. I’ve basically cut them out and rarely talk to them and neither of them care. My boyfriend who isn’t really my boyfriend basically told me in frustration the other night when I was having an episode that I want to be unhappy, go over the same issues time and time again with no purpose, and that he doesn’t want to talk to me about any of his own issues because everything upsets me and I constantly am afraid he’s upset with me. I know I put too much value on our relationship because it’s the only mostly healthy relationship I’ve had in my entire life and I’m terrified he’ll leave. I’ve done a good job pushing him and everyone else away. 

I had to wait for my license to process but was hired right before graduation at a local community mental health center, and my bosses keep harassing me about it when I have no control over how long the state takes to finish it. In the meantime they made me work their lowest paying, most intense and emotionally and physically draining job instead (“because they didn’t want me to be without pay”) of waiting to have me start when my license was done. I am constantly taken advantage of, pushed to work over time until I force myself to have boundaries and say no, work 11 hour days at times with no lunch break or any kind of break with severely emotionally disturbed children. I have never worked with children before and found out their “plan” for me once my license was done and I could switch to the therapist position they hired me for was to have me work almost entirely with children as a therapist and put me in a school setting out of town which was not mentioned or agreed upon as part of my interview. 

I have no desire to do therapy with children and again have no experience with child therapy and would therefore not be effective as a child therapist. 

I recently was informed by the state my license was done after I interviewed and am waiting to hear back about another job that I felt I would be perfect for me because it’s working with an adult only population I spent my entire internship working with and it’s back in a familiar setting. The employees all appear happy to be there which is a stark contrast to my current job. I am on edge hoping to hear back from the job I want before my current boss harasses me again and I have to switch to child therapy. 

I feel like I blew the interview and I have no idea why I have any ounce of hope things will get better and I’ll get the job. Nothing good ever happens to me and this has been evidenced by every repeated traumatic incident in my life. I feel doomed and hopeless and miserable. 
Everyone around me hates being around me now and I’m scared of losing them forever because I’m so miserable and can’t get out of it. I go to my own therapy and I feel like I’ll just be stuck in this mentality forever. Daily I think about killing myself so I don’t have to live this shitty existence where everyone leaves and I never come out okay. I try to be strong for other people but i can’t. 

The past week I’ve started waking up every night with severe stomach pain I repeatedly think about going to the hospital for and my body aches constantly. I feel like there’s no hope for me and no getting better and even if something good miraculously happens I’ll just fuck it up anyway like my relationship. I feel so alone and burdensome and like I should have never been a therapist to begin with. I’m too screwed up and I wanted to fix myself. I just don’t know what to do and I feel like when I find out for sure I didn’t get the other job I’m just going to sink even lower into feeling not good enough and severely unhappy which will make everyone separate even further from me because I’m so negative. I want to quit my job regardless because of how toxic and manipulative and hostile it is. I need help and have no idea where to turn especially not work because they openly express disdain and favoritism with their employees and let you know how easy it is the replace you, even as a therapist since it’s a college town with plenty of graduates. 

I just want to die but I’m too much of a coward to do it. I wish I could just go away where I’m not under the constraints of society. I need to heal and get better and I can’t or I’ll lose everything I have.",5.6341943521594695,6.085585272425253,6.575826411960134,76.63756021594685,67.26135105204872,10.038039867109637,32.18258582502769,9.999680488575912,3.1335695459579185,3643,145,692,81,56,1215,342,903,0.203,0.685,0.112,-0.9986,15,1,1,0,0,3,42.0,1,2,11,21,51,48,9,7,33,1,70,14,3,11,8,162,145,69,3,22,21,1,8,6,0,6,7,3,0,8,28,71,1,6,21,0,3,11,32,22,1,0,25,11,111,26,124,102,12,103,1,7,0,3,47,43,2,11,48,493,139,30,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288218579180597,0.044352889317347016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873656419715884,0.04490484000006467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624511971724635,0.0,0.0,0.08046937001466961,0.09878735052105224,0.0,0.2088415642800496,0.0,0.10932055554802056,0.0,0.0,0.11362340340846615,0.0,0.04756796055474296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043662060243782684,0.0,0.0,0.03688920084417335,0.0,0.13883303083952692,0.048030909398170056,0.06838317516552178,0.0,0.0,0.027618024659404345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888938322573357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529583544548544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154814031130274,0.09634277698256503,0.0,0.04424877960731462,0.0,0.11313975051317778,0.03873688230775177,0.07216236233434938,0.1636811867174416,0.07697514338209804,0.041890221847942825,0.0,0.0,0.15157218748886395,0.12237428389457085,0.041117885822442767,0.0,0.03914048404255476,0.0,0.0,0.04695445421965078,0.0,0.03959022323123896,0.134243059855657,0.0,0.12168971549894972,0.14367541239429912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757384832265965,0.045587088574821306,0.0,0.04227996791989522,0.0,0.04552005351311638,0.09653182619351032,0.0,0.028704115346417338,0.0,0.0,0.12760208777044565,0.042173147224058766,0.0,0.0,0.09668647286548056,0.0,0.13409181427605354,0.3399707730652392,0.03806405930219852,0.047378561031645366,0.04459474719072677,0.09414009974015816,0.0,0.0,0.09068915240170099,0.0,0.0437905799952799,0.09074386013818288,0.1255302569127075,0.0,0.03781449624053215,0.07579602468017509,0.0,0.09581850731915056,0.0,0.0,0.03865045427455953,0.04052123247527342,0.028585442995852268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631331252418001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296133403383361,0.06350710773394676,0.13211445335537245,0.0,0.0,0.08037510040195114,0.0,0.041090913006760266,0.0,0.0,0.04560630670242942,0.0,0.06513936958799386,0.04556789952154745,0.0,0.04755113460251452,0.04637436558887358,0.04088048300776508,0.0296888635094909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04101368414572994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005912275325792,0.0861001686105829,0.0,0.045548739454769935,0.0,0.0,0.05486847558021364,0.0,0.04228366748585257,0.13793128519617426,0.0,0.0365715777487574,0.0,0.034055471402101536,0.0428744303884492,0.04334031141982813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513725120320145,0.0,0.03542456743627265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032968111722865116,0.0,0.047938113653356734,0.060622287074291986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036124092673644,0.0,0.032198420383182436,0.06884083596645471,0.0,0.0,0.1958925245196782,0.2983327320665697,0.02845045277081985,0.0548799537594917,0.0,0.0,0.09988439122200676,0.0,0.0,0.0409202966793604,0.0,0.029074776969410687,0.09316072437589323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207027732813468,0.0,0.03435093840378019,0.0,0.03850404080627536,0.0,0.03864212144049557,0.0,0.049245642414861984,0.04128093846044785,0.0,0.24941184554454904,0.0,0.0,0.060842074380829385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleasedontghost,2019/03/06,Why do people stop caring. Like idk. I knew people change and life change but how can people just quite suddenly stop caring for someone existence.  I understand people might move onto new relationship nee friend or whatever but how do they Just forget who their were a month before. I don't get it am I so insignificant to everyone I ever met. I am already insignificant to myself. Maybe I'm just meant to fade away.,3.0717948717948715,5.963102589743595,4.4310256410256414,78.73064102564105,80.7948717948718,7.56923076923077,21.48717948717949,8.515128840125781,1.8318871794871798,334,10,57,8,9,110,56,78,0.18600000000000005,0.672,0.142,-0.4308,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,2,1,17,16,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,9,4,6,11,0,10,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,8,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648258766566567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876989730828914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379643977064555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445892925424899,0.0,0.3575340384558707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285942526762264,0.0,0.16147538623509508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055979888116834,0.0,0.08828931564787805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936130358562168,0.08255905733854756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977127561699026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926968562861584,0.0,0.0,0.13488470159174173,0.1796076232113883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320977503026918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686203269385481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973966204625397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142999406444685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431830819187732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28256326277426685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592258797405144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248548986436625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marsvox,2019/03/06,"And so it comes back to this feeling again I’m so sick of feeling this way. I’m exhausting myself. Why can’t I just do the deed already? I’ve been feeling it building and building in epic proportions and emotionally draining me. I cannot deal with this anymore.  Why can’t I just die and get it over with? I’m sick of the suicidal thoughts and the voices in my head telling me that it’s the only way. I’m scared because one day they will win. I shouldn’t have to fight this hard just to survive. I can’t exist anymore with these thoughts in my head. 

Do you know what it’s like to completely lose faith in humanity? Do you know what it’s like when all you feel about yourself is shame and ugliness only to have people just blatantly tell your wrong and can’t provide an explanation? I’m so sick of being wrong in everyday things. 

I burnt dinner and my husband was totally ok with it, but I’m not. 

I overachieve at work and get noticed for it in a good way. Why can’t I accept that? Why do i feel like everyone is lying to me ? I can’t deal with the dishonesty I think exists that isn’t real to begin with.  

This is the most confusing I’ve ever felt and can’t make sense of anything. All I know is that I want to to die and end this insanity. 

I promised I wouldn’t cut myself anymore or try to OD on pills again or use any other method to off myself. 

I feel it coming to a boil.... promises can be broken... maybe I’ll die in my sleep tonight.  Damn promises.i hate that I agreed to that promise. Worst decision ever, stupid survival instinct ruined my life. ",1.5159053738317745,3.6334170654205664,3.0629974688473527,90.96916910046733,80.8380062305296,6.006269470404985,23.73841510903427,7.1686216300943375,0.8857452492211841,1222,44,261,16,32,401,157,321,0.227,0.667,0.106,-0.9937,0,0,1,0,1,1,34.0,0,4,1,5,14,25,5,3,9,1,27,11,3,2,6,56,55,18,5,3,8,1,8,3,0,3,6,1,0,1,26,19,2,0,15,0,0,2,12,14,0,1,5,9,33,11,36,45,5,27,1,2,0,0,12,11,1,4,14,165,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801811791582032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656490171338007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912257373161532,0.0,0.0,0.08055070619338321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526723468818015,0.0,0.05966955896328303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863787455091886,0.1026301671438766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312748543307704,0.2018295008741882,0.0,0.0,0.3047663607701364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010702839093338,0.08669672419283858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708449490957626,0.0,0.09353295409068653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969604454988124,0.06992879577022193,0.09398459050949244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228135321092452,0.0,0.0,0.08210097947685799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768539764062268,0.09664080222570544,0.2009157302516385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613844902460729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913880554045715,0.14346445052450527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095078576329166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653387473786707,0.0,0.09833826255775227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144229451583426,0.0,0.0,0.06632915528019265,0.14889133656362635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786087425994866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141413309998352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799958589278328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795531626234824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706989260389084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111095365291312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503019549744701,0.06272051539248234,0.0,0.1554189171113833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645723516585574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454088802711275,0.0,0.0,0.057734888020611885,0.2330887778853684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35330259689770155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126117291433923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404294284593456,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gg4lit,2019/03/06,"Thinking about ending it. A month ago I had some stuff going for me, not much but it was something, it all got taken away from me within a blink of an eye. I spent a few nights in jail, they tell you be very careful how you answer the mental questions they give you but I thought about suicide alot. I just turned 24, I'm looking at alot of felonies, alls I want to do is run away but I can't run away from it this time I'm stuck, so fucking stuck, with nothing literally starting at square one and I think I'm ready to just check out. I'm staying with family and I don't want to do it here, I've been trying to find a way to kill myself that is painless and quick that I can do somewhere alone without much requirements. I feel like I don't deserve to be in the situation I'm in but all's I keep getting is the same old life's not fair, just like people will tell me its not fair to the family that will be hurt by me leaving but it doesn't matter, I'm my own person, I should be able to decide when its time to go and I think it's about that time, I struggled with depression before my life went to shit and now that it's shit there is no climbing out of the pile for me or running away from it. I just want to end it, I wish I could just go missing then people wouldn't know if I killed myself or not, I'm a good person always have been, the world has a funny way of shitting on good people.  I need a way to disappear and then I can just be the guy that went missing.",0.9402101293103442,2.5566906093750035,2.615323275862071,95.96562500000003,80.40625,5.288793103448277,20.09698275862069,5.935793293072707,-0.2108469827586208,1145,29,272,7,29,377,157,320,0.213,0.6970000000000001,0.09,-0.9931,0,1,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,3,2,2,16,16,6,1,17,0,29,7,4,1,3,59,67,19,3,9,19,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,3,20,11,0,2,10,0,2,10,11,11,0,1,12,4,35,5,42,45,11,43,0,4,3,1,12,14,4,7,17,187,55,1,0.09508737675767566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428922225166613,0.0,0.0,0.09848184546855182,0.0,0.0,0.07912031475332021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573508821954886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091235410455835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694791784590796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591953301073749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189861826848799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843838475722392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927983249464174,0.0,0.04807903474467662,0.06793044095503974,0.0,0.0,0.08690813970343979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790674759489514,0.04967922976914022,0.09121647624161476,0.16212104250253312,0.15950956046860953,0.07605006159029146,0.0,0.0,0.09415145260617662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017930034629953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451802946327491,0.21040018803085925,0.0,0.05225753551628407,0.0,0.0,0.10068380245303583,0.0,0.0,0.13432605254352126,0.09290977846975533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984944810865753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582571098204118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589783694148618,0.0,0.13980032562137398,0.07050608501804048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923306169152359,0.0,0.0912389025197226,0.0,0.09977820648873667,0.0,0.06443366737165376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776484327944785,0.16605325938740825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651962373707652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928174773982998,0.0,0.1068821954805382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320290817697198,0.0,0.0,0.06730333468112511,0.10135049184562772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099405971870049,0.10885229693196637,0.10401015686714107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662211168639844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827844546989756,0.0,0.07548875578254173,0.166338642179486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455808711912309,0.10342776088475414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845704418077598,0.1682549953219748,0.2264278011515104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629390178805604,0.0,0.0,0.10934579056618923,0.0916608379934468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodgollyitssam,2019/03/06,I dont know what to do..... Im 16 and ik what you think im some edgy melodramatic teen mad at the world.but thats not right im already done with it. I was dealt a shitty hand and now its my time to fold. Im poor amd alone.im currently sitting in a cold empty house after the electricity got turned out and it just further reinforces my plans anyway. Im alone. I have very few freinds none of which truly care and my family mine as well not be in the picture. Im stressed about school and my future and im fucking done i cant do it. Its sad that the light of my life the only thing that has kept me going. And the only thing that i look forward to is a girl that im not even with. And im pretty sure shes getting tired of me too. I just cant anymore. Im still young and i dont want to do this but i have too.im here to welcome any advice but mainly for suggestions grom those who understand. What is the most effective way to check out that is accesible to a 16 year old.thank you all for your help,0.3768390325271049,2.251322697247712,2.347939949958299,95.8781901584654,83.49541284403671,5.6150125104253545,20.00083402835696,6.7829847944221076,0.06955229357798176,780,22,188,9,22,260,127,218,0.084,0.813,0.102,0.8305,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,2,10,8,2,1,11,0,18,4,1,1,2,30,30,12,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,20,13,0,1,4,0,2,2,8,4,1,0,5,4,20,4,22,24,6,19,0,1,1,1,9,8,1,2,9,119,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759255263238012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163971429261431,0.07633129968316843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703827060775426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859848902957424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052387272700468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157074951922072,0.1621344791630328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568642272608172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652077340612246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394695643779609,0.036138699574581414,0.0,0.03931115462768565,0.0,0.055321919063793086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046363487341856566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981339982962563,0.0,0.0,0.8965913284454827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801426441808725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885712681605615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058085747903189426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258274021444051,0.0,0.0,0.10521447189371116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037120388267322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590711771313262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000417729843482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523960209190318,0.0,0.0792345043948906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519232034238359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368284706879207,0.0,0.0,0.09190753249078143,0.04432162445597625,0.0,0.0,0.040333839348305936,0.07950124447152478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523757505209122,0.0,0.07200886662813218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057072856449960074,0.040798517181255683,0.054904275013743536,0.0,0.0,0.06219253187173704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454349499938837
suicidewatch,throwawayyyyy12333,2019/03/06,"Feel like a worthless disappointment I’m 14 years old. Hate myself. Keep getting in trouble at school, and got in trouble with the cops today. I keep doing stupid shit that gets me into shitty situations. I smoked weed in the past and my parents caught me which felt bad, but it ended up backfiring when the school found out via my text messages to other people. I have 2 other siblings (girls) who are very successful and older than me with straight A’s and never got in trouble once in their life. I feel like a disappointment to my family and I hate myself. I have a birthmark that covers my left cheek which makes me hate myself even more. I always get bullied and called names that really hurt. I don’t see the point in my life",3.3027356446370533,5.548201570422538,3.9601408450704243,86.12554171180929,75.54929577464789,6.341061755146263,22.19068255687974,7.321109707123232,0.833521560130011,581,16,110,7,13,184,91,142,0.28600000000000003,0.638,0.077,-0.9876,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,2,16,5,0,8,0,5,4,2,1,1,20,23,8,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,10,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,13,0,0,5,4,21,3,15,18,1,22,0,4,1,0,7,13,1,0,10,69,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984776569983492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026231286277295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707474357088962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757130791365626,0.0,0.0,0.09513305046125556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578236781863806,0.0,0.14565576259698645,0.20579573265978268,0.13829515759276795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792576675828798,0.0,0.0,0.2257553464524228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303941785709033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266110508513285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419129798650855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560479448067729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649328327783307,0.0,0.20347084465995613,0.14073540273422047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614376480934586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108784402219403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113937742152433,0.15339143164783187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993263082559406,0.0,0.1374966812360167,0.0998549895178268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615861702914953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227182192693034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29154004774502723,0.11477639179710533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784875638855433,0.0,0.1619001688930712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652732148597393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884307434563955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927531267419267
suicidewatch,artsyalexis,2019/03/06,"I'm too dumb for this world. I make stupid mistakes constantly. Just tonight my husband had to go to a different town because I ordered from a pizza place that had the same name as one down the street. Sure, it takes about as long to go there because it's so close, but hearing him call me up while he was outside the place I thought I ordered from and then waiting for my emails to load on my phone and him asking me if I had the receipt email while I was still waiting for it to load just sent me into a dark place. I know he thinks I'm stupid. How could he not? My husband is so damn intelligent and he has never made me feel stupid on purpose. I just feel like an unintelligent person compared to him.

​

So often I notice my mistakes that wouldn't have been made if I was just paying closer attention. My mind is usually on other things I deem more important like work. When I come home my brain is fried and I can't focus on much. I work as an administrative assistant (just started last week; I do love it, to be quite honest) and when I'm in the office I put all of my energy into my work. Now I'm just a shell at the end of the day. Sometimes it takes me a few moments to grasp what my husband is saying to me or asking me about. I just can't keep up some days. Those days, much like today, make me feel worthless and stupid. I feel like I can't even make sense of simple things.

​

Thank you for reading. I'm sorry for the long post.",3.915066225165564,4.454707228476824,4.7168807947019875,88.13962582781456,71.0860927152318,7.364503311258278,26.35827814569536,7.1686216300943375,1.0436935099337743,1141,34,250,10,20,369,155,302,0.117,0.778,0.105,-0.5831,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,4,21,17,6,0,15,0,20,3,1,6,3,52,52,22,0,6,12,3,4,4,0,1,0,2,1,1,13,10,1,3,9,1,1,5,6,9,0,1,11,6,41,8,35,38,7,49,0,1,0,1,23,19,2,5,26,166,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923033437318207,0.2458596723012239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189156296952304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334178914919308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293661806828548,0.10330353905646493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871470207205093,0.0,0.1093263497030042,0.0,0.08077418115205971,0.0,0.0,0.19573440292888367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569872032430556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960455935244017,0.0,0.0,0.06682031567947691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461372761781466,0.1445484587652991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499187746415925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402335731004587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147945783133938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992250547057692,0.0,0.0,0.0555991254550463,0.0824651830661157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770172389896928,0.0,0.0,0.17906047250082338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130780451846396,0.19145465910525394,0.202590688010902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215054339167176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487398088349767,0.0,0.07802677166058708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518010381920568,0.0,0.0,0.0685538558282942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833573866129724,0.31709616097291665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689069701375487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170148724068888,0.0,0.1076043083130354,0.1011950834208004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045262038780175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000574480882937,0.11324896414802844,0.07160702301609287,0.0,0.08079266069747351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534936563699876,0.0,0.1521310488754638,0.0,0.0,0.09314163137739484,0.0,0.0,0.1344226570588951,0.0648241810336538,0.0,0.08031585802378723,0.0,0.0,0.09589515606126403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142193529621566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115063141347523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209538846147612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458596723012239,0.0
suicidewatch,imadethis28,2019/03/06,"No one cares I'm suicidal I have told friends and even my own fucking family in the face that I will kill myself sooner than later and they shrugged it off. They think I am just some edgy teen being stressed out by school so I've decided I might as well just do it. First thing tomorrow I'll be gone, goodbye.",3.000468750000003,4.396494359375001,3.7832500000000016,90.73675000000004,74.15625,7.620000000000001,25.3,8.238735603445708,1.3367225,245,8,54,4,5,78,54,64,0.192,0.6940000000000001,0.114,-0.765,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,1,5,6,2,1,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,9,13,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,8,3,6,7,2,7,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,2,3,38,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779601412962436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006674938880582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570073121682875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189534004544485,0.0,0.0,0.21062999303812596,0.2520381306301735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30162002079698275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28921285847161904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473827684805716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759118332670537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122918975592259,0.0,0.0,0.2982083425967593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811204470875896,0.17468758478353985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050560563043673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451233075863073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PenguinPlates,2019/03/06,Hi guys One of those days.... What are we supposed to do again?,-1.5138461538461527,0.4529333846153882,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,99.76923076923076,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.8089692307692309,46,1,12,0,2,14,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734485329288294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7268970818093822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974606709324302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,belmont_clann,2019/03/06,"I'm floating, make it end I don't know what i'm doing anymore. I thought maybe, just maybe - I could be happy this time. That was a lie. 
I'm lying to myself to stay here. The only reason I haven't taken my life is because i'm not alone yet. 

But I will be within an hour. 
I can't wait for that moment. I'll go back to pacing back and forth in my room, telling myself to stop being a pussy and just do it. 

This time i'm not going to be a pussy, i'm doing it. I want everything to stop spinning. I don't feel like i'm in my body anymore, so what does it matter if I leave?",-0.2891794871794886,1.0977188769230786,2.4319230769230766,96.9222435897436,83.30769230769229,4.641025641025641,16.98717948717949,4.7782277997778095,-0.8584358974358972,434,8,109,1,12,152,74,130,0.096,0.8370000000000001,0.068,-0.5057,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,15,2,1,2,0,19,31,5,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,3,4,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,1,14,2,10,22,0,17,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,11,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846902077731812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536996013147002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27424077775483763,0.0,0.1087048456487842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980781106579656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237745301263172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560528074246564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579424112626155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602663935024613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016613035916232,0.1273949243580782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269163236290086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982954640037808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561352694589846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800237847186663,0.0,0.0,0.1888196987574035,0.0,0.0,0.1259557354737851,0.0871202514945706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190328631899865,0.0,0.3583014803004643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562367512678922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334709294556686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900699901370191,0.0,0.2981742198808595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558633089369895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156958496953298,0.20796468112929686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518029963473263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RobotGrover,2019/03/06,"I just might be the selfish loser. I don't really know what I'm doing or what to do.   I'm prone to going through depression despite being moderately successful.   I make a good salary and have a family. We have pets, have a nice home in a great community.  Right now none of those things are perfect but they're there.  With all of that  I still think about putting the business end of my .45 under my occipital and just no longer existing.  I usually only slightly entertain the thought and I think about others that ""need"" me and decide it's not a good idea.  Lately however,  I'm not getting the voice or the rational thought that usually says ""that's a bad idea"" or ""I don't really want to die"" or ""who is going to find you? How will so and so be told?"".    I don't have a gun in my hand right now.  But I am worried there's going to be a moment where I'm feeling lower than  I am at this moment, and I'm not going to hear that voice.   It's almost as if theres a countdown to that moment over my shoulder and everything is building to that event.  

Lately I've realized a lot of things.   I pretty much am terrible at everything and have basically conned my way through life.   Not criminally.   But I've made myself seem more than what I'm capable of.   It worked for a long time and I started to believe it.   My wife believed it.   My kids certainly believed they knew who I was.   The truth is, I'm nowhere as capable as even I thought.    And recently for whatever number of reasons, my wife let me know that she knows who I really am.   Not in so many words.  My  quality of life is shit right now but even with that I don't want to die.   I do want to be better.   I just don't know how.   

So call me selfish and tell me to get over it.   Tell me how I have it good..   none of that matters.    Depression hurts and it sucks.  If I could get away with it I would sleep all day every day.   But I keep participating and doing what I should.    ",2.184265497615751,3.7481295939086334,4.070932164282418,87.14138824796188,76.66497461928934,7.719920012305797,24.62974926934318,8.484438967287268,1.5107082910321488,1476,50,323,29,33,501,176,394,0.155,0.7340000000000001,0.111,-0.9638,3,0,0,1,0,2,48.0,1,1,1,5,22,21,2,0,17,0,36,6,4,6,5,77,73,34,2,9,19,2,2,0,0,4,2,4,2,1,31,17,0,1,18,1,0,5,13,10,0,0,7,6,42,11,43,55,7,38,0,4,0,0,16,13,2,10,19,226,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102078922919997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540126199573657,0.0,0.07589567665826788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072313131283654,0.0,0.08039151660285743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281658498777456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725743156352092,0.0,0.0,0.11724282962884025,0.0,0.15657989285745794,0.0,0.18867465978959228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050826984622432,0.0,0.0,0.1200739793780755,0.0,0.07658512563008221,0.0,0.16338575500058072,0.0,0.08569014214466633,0.0,0.04596054407372145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830787349708044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247069069575566,0.0,0.20663674187816608,0.2287217148710285,0.0,0.10021489512572684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244817100191048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911776770510007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730773188152414,0.20522459164582246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079393937086128,0.0,0.0,0.1998197157688293,0.0,0.20507284312024765,0.0,0.0,0.09294892688834018,0.12840728793664255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044149172246412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727786603401071,0.0,0.08600948138105496,0.060674835806666175,0.09215587208065276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642796052538256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682017496153235,0.06739939861825105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913170026566932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247551000523632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137716694002966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469393848162107,0.0934578440102386,0.0897503873695445,0.0,0.0,0.2328780920504069,0.0,0.07228539840858672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274973658230661,0.0,0.0,0.09330505244811574,0.0,0.0,0.09096321813705624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433777001446082,0.0,0.07259091921252228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588969705440317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077661701763935,0.11648698898658827,0.0,0.21648755880637052,0.053003105793422885,0.0,0.0,0.08685652632847134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022166948744646,0.0,0.16084123088547733,0.07215026251119484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661745157266274,0.09231089765156518,0.0,0.06457102787823578,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deliverusfromevie,2019/03/06,"What will my doctor do if I tell her about my almost overdose? I've been taking Zoloft for my depression and Restoril for my chronic insomnia. A couple nights ago I had an episode where I got super drunk, took 3 sleeping pills, and passed out. I was alone but on the phone with my friend. It was completely accidental, but ever since then, I've been wondering, ""What if?"" and kind of fantasizing about it...  
Does anyone know what my doctor will say/do if I tell her this? I want to get better, and overall, I do want to live (just without all of the constant pain in my head pls), I just don't want to get sent to a psych ward or something...",3.858767361111109,4.811390328125004,4.6144791666666665,87.31038194444444,71.5,7.563888888888887,25.940972222222214,7.793537801064563,1.247486805555556,494,15,105,6,9,159,82,128,0.092,0.7859999999999999,0.122,0.6044,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,0,10,10,2,0,2,23,21,11,0,6,9,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,8,0,17,4,15,11,1,12,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,6,5,69,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047436211306053,0.0,0.1699814932612287,0.17581124230036912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869411650967038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501313068520915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798109931870618,0.1834409437573832,0.0,0.0,0.18782668068066688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620662064120754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34749547457635593,0.14855058245147018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354984773687327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114950029192915,0.0,0.17737618666025307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576569104280556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742138960490859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676994721978884,0.09329092275801627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498935844617092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930017716069245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806274438307744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134993116040051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404201012556904,0.0,0.16987397913951938,0.0,0.0,0.13068291079804178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763191699131984,0.0,0.29674038817381704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860003660741148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003712979794364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363427920394485,0.18408813778648853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Becs__,2019/03/06,"Tired. For a long time, I haven't felt like myself. I know life can be hard, that there are ups and downs, but this time it feels like I can't get out. No matter how hard I try.
 I booked an appointment with my doctor for yesterday, but I was too scared to go. I'm  honestly had enough.
I can't even speak to my parents. I tried to explain  my feelings but they quickly dismissed it.
I just don't know if I can do this anymore.
",-0.0068131868131864354,2.0119281538461564,1.7040549450549491,99.05344505494509,86.14285714285714,4.958681318681318,18.99010989010989,6.2581,-0.2716118681318682,326,9,79,3,10,106,62,91,0.149,0.765,0.087,-0.5168,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,11,3,0,1,0,16,20,6,0,1,5,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,6,15,3,9,16,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,55,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175297287053936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288659902592042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104050576337906,0.0,0.1476869272581363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261196493867333,0.15974122164693105,0.21469286205506236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682274900958504,0.0,0.12707809645638868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006067138846581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24577148171771998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793661450330992,0.21848115965458573,0.0,0.0,0.1978806198992477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482834167560041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22386448099071665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260768098810852,0.25699745807619245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036219862144922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoveWithTheInternet,2019/03/06,"I'm going to do it before the end of this month I'm 23, ive lost my apartment, my family, my girlfriend, I have nowhere to go, I'm in debt, don't have a job anymore, my Meds aren't working, I don't have health insurance, no mailing address, no money, not a single thing or person in this world. 

It's final, my mind is made up. To my daughter--I'm sorry. You're laying in my lap right now as I type this and I'm just so sorry. I love you.

I can't go on. I can't control it. I can't fight anymore. To anyone who's ever loved me, I love you just the same. I let everyone down. 

To my mom--looks like I'll finally be able to see you again.

Goodbye to you all, who don't even know me. Good luck and stay safe.",-0.9942841287458392,0.7092398490566048,2.009848316685165,97.31157602663708,87.61635220125784,4.747465778764336,18.15797262301147,5.900188976854957,-0.4382322604513504,532,14,134,4,17,188,94,159,0.077,0.753,0.171,0.9555,2,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,4,0,3,7,9,1,0,4,0,15,4,0,2,2,15,29,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,10,2,0,0,2,1,24,7,15,25,3,20,0,1,1,3,13,9,0,2,8,82,33,3,0.14588167659154055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893508472059123,0.1020038601907338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413456208621905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361870486815305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920786548447558,0.0,0.0,0.09635347154585308,0.13195832836065127,0.0,0.13939619360512506,0.0,0.0,0.13752426155376987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196124921320295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487237559545865,0.12235862901571795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506540048206716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447650541051345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017275431927527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917389810083276,0.0,0.07127041841451594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250386709779415,0.0,0.15924708278309865,0.0,0.3949917261743625,0.13803676966229128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204165602333906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472989071661316,0.17085485649223936,0.1164413624629896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737825308115705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458215472523675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162488088791189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32660518687091056,0.0,0.15549045707188405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691730374464767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062035980010242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rebeber,2019/03/06,"I am seriously close to suicide, no idea what to do. Real advice needed I am 22 in Canada. There are lots of important details to all of this that dont want to get into. But basically I cant continue living the way I am and suicide seems likely.

I am dealing with immense self hatred since my entire life, also very isolated, never had friends, currentlly unemployed and pessamistic about my future. 

I am incredibly depressed. Every day is so painful. I have already tried meds, exercise, diet, cant make friends, therapy, self help books. I am moving too much and too self hating to make friends. 

Anyways basically I cant do this anymore. I need real action, not platitudes. If I die, i destroy my family and I miss out on the world. If I live, i go crazy and cant handle it. If i tell an authority, suicide hotline or doctor or therapist how bad i am doing, i will be hospitalized and forcefully medicated and it will ruin my life so thats not an option. I could tell my family but I am severely annoyed and almost slightly hate my parents and dont want to talk to them. They cant help me except try to throw money at me, take my guns away, and guilt me into living while being very unhelpful and annoying, that is not an option. I could tell my older sister, she is really helpful, smart and good at stuff like this. But ive spoken to her before and she immideately told my parents which was really uncool. I can guarantee if i tell her im suicidal, she will tell my parents. I have no friends to talk to. 

I am doing so poorly at this poi t, I also cant just wait it out and have a slow recovery. If I have my shotgun, and i cant have any friends and anyone real to talk to, it is bound to happen soon. Once I die, theres no going back, I dont want to die but I dont want to live the way i am living even more. And when I feel bad, i go insane and angry at myself and believe i need to die to punish myself.

Seriously guys i dont want to break my sisters' hearts and my parents hearts. I also cant talk to them and see no alternative. I need an actual solution or its fucking happening. 

I dont wabt to get into detail about everything thats going on. I need real world change. What the fuck do i do. If i die, i am sorry  thanks for reading",2.6078208360204047,4.0557056160520615,5.062247757518907,80.96044908248815,75.26898047722342,7.9338922436536325,25.474643841238198,8.605353355243054,1.854946133552208,1743,60,348,34,37,617,209,461,0.213,0.6829999999999999,0.104,-0.9917,7,0,0,2,0,4,57.0,0,0,3,0,19,27,8,1,9,0,52,11,2,3,2,76,84,43,9,18,18,6,1,2,5,3,6,0,0,4,17,28,1,2,3,3,2,7,22,17,0,0,3,2,70,10,41,74,4,36,0,3,1,2,37,16,2,14,12,252,87,4,0.0,0.0,0.05402568868419575,0.0,0.0,0.05409946890838421,0.0,0.0,0.05543741820325498,0.0,0.061093753869681564,0.13281980599669746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03764831122873303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054904596436853165,0.03871065754846696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201477065224749,0.04257024654025898,0.092450535802949,0.0,0.0,0.04710930070551448,0.062374434585281836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856604849514827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840469788836798,0.0,0.0,0.03570414974704411,0.057076174293546014,0.04768352964234153,0.0,0.28728700628968445,0.0,0.0,0.056665733363756764,0.0,0.0,0.3893057240564535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656632438853824,0.0,0.046645185936727215,0.0,0.049756129918921865,0.0,0.1043814338723898,0.0,0.02799287859664743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386415530713385,0.10236324112236833,0.057849108456008325,0.0,0.12585484670773422,0.0464353307519008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481745206614242,0.09791352495644824,0.0,0.0,0.10931776073986013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312093541040139,0.11132469233304848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249737894500615,0.059800861692277336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820816081658141,0.054094516725572035,0.0,0.24442994258846384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706710866233852,0.0,0.0,0.07390962604285799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614951144317162,0.05577176509471761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058841439637612576,0.04069771329305026,0.20525248569527876,0.04269887405527093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895911905338565,0.0,0.0,0.058909466851445685,0.0,0.2458934484167625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537735356773673,0.25205799754885105,0.0709331059214947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04411664247335565,0.0503998239519862,0.17326508337733226,0.0625437217751791,0.0,0.045796325988805175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197364256054595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633766702922448,0.24222979595675065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162561360404758,0.1779927092085528,0.2419457654091032,0.050970233713959215,0.0633116969445847,0.06427998062563904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290111868431023,0.0,0.07517483263773274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135950937731488,0.16327080616113426,0.08788814753596036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sad-boy-hours-213,2019/03/06,Help Talk to me please ,-1.974,-0.5507963999999976,-1.84,117.16000000000004,113.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,18,0,5,0,1,5,5,5,0.0,0.375,0.625,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419446198253654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7237620995673445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5299560134928958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,annonnymous1029,2019/03/06,"Dignitas Hello. I am 19 years old and have been living in constant fear and stress for years, I don't feel safe anywhere and I am doing nothing but sitting at home and considering suicide (with a few attempts already). I recently discovered an organization called Dignitas that helps sick people in suicide. But it is also possible for people who are suicidal because of their quality of life and / or mental illness, but I am aware that this is a long and difficult process with a great chance of failure because you have to prove that your decision is balanced and not influenced by mental problems. I am asking if anyone could give me some tips / guide me on what I should do, where should I go and whether it is even possible. I already had consultations with several psychologists and a psychiatrist, but the experience was very bad (the only thing that psychiatrist was interested in is signing documents). If you have some other tips, please share. Or if there's any other, maybe less know/legal organization or anything you think can help.",9.1024064171123,9.060596486631015,8.929737967914438,64.34754812834225,60.06951871657754,12.185882352941176,40.625133689839565,11.602472056035307,5.0285918716577545,841,41,134,22,10,273,121,187,0.217,0.675,0.108,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,4,1,1,4,9,0,2,7,0,24,3,0,1,1,37,29,21,3,7,12,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,12,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,1,16,4,15,22,4,14,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,8,6,103,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900318804924989,0.10508978867147332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893643769732005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188602838051094,0.0,0.10814052884383793,0.0,0.1228520829240626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972317566483232,0.16021455222693126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418591028681467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200922724645193,0.0,0.10492144920259526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867961056029454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854573579146686,0.0,0.14787455593521334,0.06644564055682403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606195663862593,0.0746842261845646,0.0,0.0,0.14488172483952694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616481673656031,0.0,0.1318165238953497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222036465041415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281988139031956,0.0,0.0,0.11603882787891165,0.116295108175224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202058952840154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648639175818645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260929499483314,0.0,0.13789434165978612,0.0,0.0,0.09994442406005273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220847903326892,0.0,0.0,0.14425044667534542,0.0,0.2962936106543788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574312930145246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297530762348437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845767439784752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505315146272077,0.0,0.0,0.4312288007124439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873040109049939,0.08420323079002717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842831151812816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692494909952328
suicidewatch,Lesnarf5,2019/03/06,"Today is my death day!!! This will be my suicide note seeing as though I have no friends or family. Somehow during the course of my 26 years of life, everywhere I go I’m either labeled as the outcast, the bad guy, or whatever and I’m over it. Sure I’ve made mistakes what person hasn’t, but I’ve felt this way ever since I was 4 years old after I was molested for the first time. It really hit me at 8 when I invited over 100 classmates to a birthday party of mine and nobody showed up. I don’t know how anyone can hate a kid but somehow I pulled it off! I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried to do. No matter how hard I work or try doesn’t matter I suck at everything! I’m unemployed, homeless, a convicted felon (7 felonies from one crime no priors or anything since 7 years ago). All theft related and I admit I did it. I was a stupid kid then never lied once about it first make it justifiable though. Never owned a drivers license, no sort of an education outside of a GED. I’m the definition of a loser. I try everyday as hard as humanly possible to make something of myself but all the rejection has taken the fight out of me. IM DONE! I can’t take it no more. This last year has been one of the worst. I get ran over with a car and broke my foot and had to do 5 months of PT after which I now have a limp and can’t do certain stuff the same anymore. Everything I try to do, go, get hired, education, apprenticeship, doesn’t matter I’m getting rejected everywhere! I don’t got the brains nor the mentality to make it in this society obviously. Hell my own family wants nothing to do with me and I’m the baby. I’ve had it. So tonight I will enjoy my final meal alone and after which I am hanging myself deep in the woods! From the words of Society’s Real Outcast I say “it hasn’t been a pleasure”.",1.4547222222222231,3.4158125691489367,3.7982269503546138,86.43388888888893,80.22340425531915,7.1565011820330975,23.47635933806147,8.167268648758528,1.402162174940898,1410,49,299,28,36,488,196,376,0.23,0.701,0.069,-0.997,4,2,1,0,2,2,40.0,0,0,0,5,12,19,6,0,25,0,32,4,2,6,9,48,59,27,2,2,8,0,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,5,18,11,1,0,3,1,0,6,16,14,0,4,14,6,33,5,42,41,8,46,1,5,1,0,9,12,2,7,27,197,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955010448809146,0.0,0.0,0.11158151532073908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684469403896144,0.07533118591573462,0.0,0.08865715960239351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995466548019203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026847914689573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948050260294082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025084977255413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949059054878552,0.0,0.0,0.29047723630193295,0.0,0.20312693452305766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344300174056237,0.11801900448065768,0.0,0.18327956958193314,0.0,0.0,0.08323620142066672,0.0,0.16886209974744953,0.0,0.12245716627089523,0.0,0.08616594329753922,0.0,0.0,0.10667511053903507,0.0,0.0,0.1930197427384593,0.10636652900917108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637285738228133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920862847453767,0.08781883431231596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609678930440804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194196120807314,0.21574290387961068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857207221485037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599347032140796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661845612321579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337514443312101,0.0,0.11305031321284555,0.11473482085076127,0.14600876351971787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407050719978356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214556198762826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262661678587428,0.0690181377449145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567561578276632,0.0,0.0,0.08585126697931696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823988357732748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294007267440746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333140367165835,0.11784518107643906,0.0,0.10153945982205212,0.0,0.08100370894855084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116992178458063,0.0,0.06282145256477115,0.0,0.10212068303718004,0.0,0.0,0.2925814053417725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354520554520192,0.08551544718055483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843274726049898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775125902603396
suicidewatch,orzedicius,2019/03/06,"Should I stay or should I go? I’m so fucked up, I’m so broken, I’m so empty... I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here in this world of shit. I feel like I don't belong here like I don fit in anywhere.

All I can think about is killing my self, cause I can’t fix it, I can’t healing... and it hurts a lot.",-3.3885090909090887,-1.8735346266666648,0.1277575757575775,106.29054545454548,101.93333333333334,3.260606060606061,10.818181818181818,4.851557810540192,-1.9230000000000005,233,3,68,1,11,83,49,75,0.304,0.602,0.094,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,4,0,2,0,9,4,1,1,1,10,19,5,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,10,2,5,17,2,7,0,1,0,2,1,5,3,2,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744374174675939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350794497044441,0.19085255415621635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939531400114331,0.0,0.0,0.1518279316757545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859904106761714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295562730905978,0.0,0.14681906943299586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610327310958741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271220201715662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114361569892445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786965029313767,0.0,0.27422641296672645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28474716138717737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117941798944766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awinda,2019/03/06,"I feel so trapped I've lost count of how many times i've ended up here, wanted it to all be over with.

I'm so fucking tired. 

Everyday is so painful. 

I crave the end.

I feel trapped I just want to stop but I can't.

I have a four year old daughter and I feel like if I end it all i'm just setting her up for so much shit.

But then I also feel like i'm doing that by being here anyway?

I feel like i'm drowning but it never ends.

​

​",-1.4101370906321409,0.5337881386138612,0.9924752475247552,101.78487433358723,93.35643564356435,3.5037319116527037,17.670220868240673,4.713530739802397,-0.9169747143945162,346,10,87,1,13,116,61,101,0.17800000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.108,-0.7268,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,2,0,2,0,6,4,1,1,3,20,19,12,1,3,6,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,5,11,3,9,16,3,15,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,1,14,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833041852852447,0.0,0.2935501219058507,0.32920689092642924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799231711511996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424730481388137,0.290326275876768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523417726944452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854243249732936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787483076064162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733911576297947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995815408953312,0.0,0.1044780978799036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214655803922982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441431227388187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905172953306472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325387210501947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899007972047169,0.1556958063042964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980021623008595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32920689092642924,0.08723429948351544
suicidewatch,Dragons1233,2019/03/06,"is having black poop after an overdose bad ? mentally and everything i do feel abit better now but, i took an overdose on monday and since then my poop has been black. i didn’t throw it up or anything but i was curious to know if this is bad or something as i do feel quite abit better now and it’s been like 3 days, and nothing has happened however i do still feel a little bit weird and my poop has been black so i just wanted to know what i should do and if this is bad or good. ",4.30139158576052,3.8828896407767,5.310825242718448,87.56228964401299,70.06796116504854,8.420064724919095,26.875404530744337,7.793537801064563,1.27565501618123,375,10,86,4,6,124,60,103,0.12,0.737,0.142,0.3543,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,3,0,17,3,3,0,0,21,25,16,0,4,8,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,6,6,10,4,6,18,1,12,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,8,60,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636098391454744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980128536354049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516757945843252,0.2170571861979212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282208217091016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868432404827525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015842629857673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675866271918588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581363392345994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852976621826573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713217418213144,0.19926733821178574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003612494515664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077072656280428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114668544448442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644638673976159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305940332209125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587758899970979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208935268840639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726769619445278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CutChoBullshit,2019/03/06,"I've set the date. :) I feel relieved knowing \*when\* it ends. :)

It's in the near future, the day after my 27th birthday. I'll have time to wrap up my business, clean up after myself, listen one more time through my favourite albums, and so on. Life started looking a bit more meaningful when I realized I'm living my last spring - the timing just feels right.

Not even using a throwaway, I've stopped caring about these things. :) I'm simply done with this life, I've had my possibilities and never managed to make anything out of them. Now what's left is like.. it's not only that my mind or body has worn out, it's like my \*soul\* has worn out. I believe in reincarnation, perhaps this end-times feeling is significant to moving on.",2.3755164319248827,4.883034908450707,3.3090422535211275,88.19957276995306,80.19718309859155,5.195117370892019,24.959624413145537,6.42735559955562,0.8655027230046954,575,22,110,5,15,183,97,142,0.043,0.7829999999999999,0.175,0.9558,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,7,3,1,2,1,21,21,6,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,10,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,12,4,19,17,3,31,1,0,1,0,2,12,0,1,19,69,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778314530721867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233078669473595,0.0,0.0,0.19606029720096269,0.19947843958152536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830988662278458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581746198771495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837777955582262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181179953479436,0.0,0.0,0.1186141923250978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724107009210327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869521406433034,0.14638573590775375,0.0,0.0,0.1951196173180918,0.0,0.253692379084126,0.17547231005343927,0.0,0.15857683650199475,0.0,0.15080616213802994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987437546322753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813296461826571,0.0,0.0,0.190870423937089,0.0,0.0,0.13850701551082253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169143706008854,0.13658247746173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245509331736367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336460040074512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711118038712374,0.0,0.0,0.15014109309629706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930828771983487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141523559211617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510377165058792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_BB123,2019/03/06,"I'm stuck. My depression and suicidal tendencies come and go in waves and I usually always pull myself up for a bit. But this time it has been over 2 months and it has been absolute hell. I truly considered grabbing a gun and ending it last night but I didn't cause I guess I'm too much of a pussy. I'm alone, I try and act happy in front of people I consider friends but all they do is berate me. I have no other avenues to get different friends and I am stuck in this constant hellish cycle of feeling alright then considering suicide. I've always been the butt end of jokes about being shot down by women and being just an annoying person in general which are being told by my those I consider friends, which just fuels this mindset. This probably isn't worth posting here but I had to, to get it off my chest and maybe a nice comment so I can see that someone might care...",2.568707627118645,4.578970655367236,4.057708333333334,85.67435911016949,76.90960451977399,7.362853107344633,26.31673728813559,8.278499904357787,1.824819491525424,694,27,138,13,16,230,115,177,0.182,0.669,0.149,-0.6807,1,1,0,1,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,6,12,3,0,6,1,18,2,2,1,1,22,32,15,2,0,6,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,13,10,0,0,1,1,1,5,3,4,0,0,8,3,17,8,19,20,3,23,2,1,1,1,8,8,2,2,9,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245334599463154,0.0,0.0,0.2610300366869088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124384480681978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992301491049624,0.16113217286768444,0.0,0.13511575458647948,0.0,0.16950335323202112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509804275856632,0.0,0.0,0.1638789511949748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778520149328448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931004977926638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635548250927136,0.0,0.1638993880351299,0.0,0.08914369169724994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727922656235504,0.0,0.0,0.16697390377760266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785687158285308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758083509528725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639721098849874,0.0,0.0,0.12519929441042688,0.0,0.11530567162037765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719676886804947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874275137715446,0.13695878398934525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502226872609827,0.0,0.16911504426290933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499225824795948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290180885004305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34314543802673203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146277624976157,0.0,0.0,0.14988063273828536,0.0,0.1064935086626042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275242160390966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,05fisher26,2019/03/06,"One more week I bought a Rifle today, one more week and I can blow my head off.  I’m trying to decide if I should drive out somewhere in the desert and do it or just put some plastic down in my room.  I really don’t want to inconvenience my roommates but also I don’t want a search group to have to waist their time trying to find my body. What’s the best way to just disappear? ",2.473703703703705,3.4218177901234554,3.8058641975308665,91.82138888888893,74.80246913580247,6.881481481481483,19.672839506172842,7.1686216300943375,0.1139283950617278,295,5,69,3,6,97,55,81,0.053,0.833,0.115,0.7056,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,6,3,3,0,0,14,10,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,10,1,11,8,4,14,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011950639735669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640263877470768,0.0,0.0,0.2794578727767137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299471384188371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25820216793812073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409654718304033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529157197935695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117390034518395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467031546495209,0.0,0.2384762807111432,0.0,0.0,0.3416238673498792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29678658279102177,0.19969907349272334,0.4036179000424756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,makingsomeeggs,2019/03/06,"I can’t do it anymore Every time I find brief moments of happiness it comes crashing down with a vengeance. I just want the pain of my shitty life to stop, I wanna forget my abusive parents, the time I was sexually assaulted, and everything else that has happened in my misery of existence. I have a knife, I’m going to end it tonight. ",5.731363636363637,6.014520166666667,6.757121212121213,76.00568181818183,67.03030303030303,9.630303030303034,36.196969696969695,9.516144504307137,3.476678787878788,265,13,49,5,4,89,50,66,0.301,0.633,0.066,-0.9545,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,10,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,9,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,33,13,0,0.0,0.3114340060626843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606763504748095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264218099070669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957726182795226,0.0,0.23280688584377496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146227504266608,0.0,0.2362324323052326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24023993566544594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938358652299338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324371910931579,0.2798084769335727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565857197822175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796906966598546,0.0,0.29186357290080683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197541844981023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30653963930374106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503560958913368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iamsodamndone,2019/03/06,"So close to being done. I know this will sound overly-dramatic, but after 30 years of putting up with the same shit every damn day, I am so close to being done. 

​

I have a decent life.  My family and friends love me, my husband has supported me through everything I've gone through, we have a home of our own, and working vehicles. However, now that I'm done with my degree and trying desperately to finish the test that will solidify my ability to get a career going, I feel like I won't be able to succeed. I am also trying to get pregnant (more than a year now), and I can't. There is a lot of infertility that runs in the family, and I cannot even get tested because my husband's insurance always auto-renews, and this year they decided to randomly drop me. So, after disputing them and being told 'no', I've reached the end of my rope. 

​

I want nothing more than my OWN family, and it looks bleak. I need tests, and my husband's insurance is fucking us. I want to be successful career-wise and allow my husband to pursue his dream (whatever he decides that might be), and I feel like I'm failing. I love my family, but my aunt, uncle, their children, and spouses are polarizing the entire family. I love my parents, but I am closer to no longer caring if I disappoint them by leaving. I asked my husband once, jokingly, how he'd feel if I killed myself, and he said ""I'd be pissed."" So, at least he won't be sad. I hope he could find someone who could be happier.  He's supportive and knows I need help, but what can I do without insurance anyway? I don't want some half-assed doctor doping me up.

​

I've cycled through this over and over, and I don't see the point in doing this forever. It's either a sweet release, or being drugged up forever on whatever shit I'm prescribed by whomever. I don't want this. Either way, I don't want this. I know where I'm headed after I'm gone, why not do it now? What if I ended up pregnant? Would that even solve my issue? Would I struggle then, too? Would I have the decision then of leaving one or two children without a mother? My husband doesn't want to adopt, and if I can't get tests started/treatments going, what's the fucking point?

​

It's not selfish for me to leave, it's selfish for everyone to think I should stay because THEY would hurt.

I'm so close to being done. 

​",3.403583223815783,4.906922621564483,4.937747557282441,82.43070681675334,73.31289640591966,7.819644591737616,28.21718758928061,8.441846121484758,2.0844571053082683,1852,73,360,32,37,623,212,473,0.107,0.7120000000000001,0.181,0.9871,2,0,1,0,0,0,94.0,3,0,5,4,16,28,7,1,15,0,50,12,4,2,0,73,93,36,1,20,16,10,3,2,1,10,3,2,1,2,20,23,0,0,11,2,0,6,16,14,0,2,8,8,62,14,45,61,10,41,0,4,2,5,36,17,6,11,17,252,82,10,0.06125877391879584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048988619370675605,0.0509722072385004,0.33186927973684943,0.3721805770913703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726868428745128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468555999503018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062457402693476514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782029260471543,0.0,0.0,0.039506841365700505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270095086239544,0.0,0.2507559772438156,0.0,0.0,0.07104072937225481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085141822492964,0.0,0.0,0.0809216848562161,0.0,0.051613159095840085,0.058535383666492816,0.05505543600966911,0.0,0.28874660079689074,0.0,0.09292283014065778,0.08752656065533908,0.0,0.0,0.05598940956551719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047328376770702736,0.11326549875438935,0.12802072403967174,0.0,0.06962954585410124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286917519738798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106046487823424,0.0,0.061447544975678,0.060843784710028735,0.0,0.0,0.06557878446416886,0.0,0.0,0.06393824444210243,0.0,0.0,0.06777375709869989,0.0,0.1009986602712882,0.0,0.0,0.194592589533942,0.0,0.0,0.04326888365601917,0.05985588527306506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144194167533411,0.0,0.0,0.052080018951274384,0.16586530549178866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498587848407261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084520930736248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877944573335354,0.0,0.0,0.06523859495341701,0.04151053059690607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802061894969466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581868387767498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061581987575278815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058271122114849985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488153116130844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576250223081686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190436034916058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529370225821167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404097120571743,0.0,0.0,0.13903146138747038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03925214880628576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058535383666492816,0.0,0.08318137271866745,0.0,0.0598409208706743,0.0,0.07368676243041887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679207210445828,0.04862436337551945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055276515268949666,0.0,0.0,0.1181025440665482,0.0,0.04459711700135949,0.0,0.0,0.1740659015673005,0.0,0.3721805770913703,0.11834592586772505
suicidewatch,stars4ever123,2019/03/06,"My friend is suicidal. Desperately need advice My best friend is an online friend from a different country. Never met him in person, but I have almost no IRL friends and I feel much closer to him than any of my IRL friends. Anyways, he has been going through a lot of problems and he is suicidal. I don't know what to do. I tried everything--offering emotional support whenever he calls me to talk about his problems, giving him money to help him out with his financial problems, reaching out to him everyday to ask him if he is ok. Any advice? I'm worried that one day, I'll just stop receiving messages from him...",4.524369114877587,6.1595524915254245,5.5233333333333325,78.81535781544257,70.6949152542373,8.973258003766476,32.602636534839924,9.444778638647367,3.210398116760828,486,23,88,11,9,160,78,118,0.196,0.58,0.224,0.2728,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,11,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,0,1,18,18,4,2,5,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,1,2,1,17,8,17,16,3,10,0,0,0,0,27,4,0,3,4,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27524679405026314,0.0,0.0,0.14102700025309153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915467411457217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316627325344927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779878740063734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380939415500854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082762687381364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714373845885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842164506105896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121095867885073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440480682928972,0.0,0.0,0.13510281050705164,0.0800403954303481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439946232865487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739983179925856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973380724368166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353073084745952,0.10442817609567603,0.10862147476135273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543417934857107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297264135522674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042833529692942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774527733670673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308103647345659,0.1598191257778661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319871424463805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561846028397092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430258855884985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Madinc99,2019/03/06,"Honestly what keeps you going, if you still are. I really don't know what keeps me going, my life just keeps going to shit no matter what I do, my SO says in time things will get better, it's been like fucking 2 years and things just keep fucking my path for my future, so like what's the point ya know? I'm trying so damn hard to improve my self but all that ever happens is that I get judged for doing so, going to the gym, eat better, just be a better me. But like I said with things keep going south and people judging me and now I have no motivation anymore, I'm so fucking close to just dropping it all and ending everything. ",3.5731976251060265,4.2944709847328255,4.769109414758269,86.79546225614929,71.97709923664122,7.04359626802375,22.95250212044105,6.937597516519254,0.6425820186598812,493,11,104,4,9,163,75,131,0.07400000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.177,0.9219,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,4,12,12,5,0,3,0,9,6,1,1,3,25,30,12,0,1,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,0,1,11,6,1,5,3,1,0,5,3,5,0,0,2,3,16,7,8,26,2,17,0,0,0,3,6,4,5,1,10,70,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317997016807528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295529980149963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709477094649185,0.0,0.0,0.110010536824398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235234393025116,0.0,0.0,0.11162924412240616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444821145966203,0.12978606375982452,0.0,0.3529485067975241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098358413130125,0.0,0.1112650766902046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520044499355956,0.0,0.0,0.13652183956887293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773107846595699,0.18204380112809154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610949578792262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741576376078608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957018572559635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814930163667638,0.09877439297457526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957499120700894,0.0,0.12749670223756782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919187192072786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475528383479789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242610147792497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432840092319152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998523674247354
suicidewatch,Moonlight78,2019/03/06,"Any one else have a note saved? I have a note in my car that I've saved so when I'm ready I'll take it out. I've had suicidal ideation all day every day for months now. I only had one attempt when I was younger and got committed. I know when I attempt, it wont be an attempt it will be a suicide.

I feel like an empty shell of myself. Hollow.

I want to yell out for help in the worst way but I dont know how.

I'm afraid if I dont I know I'll kill myself sometime this week or sooner.

I've practiced tying nooses and am ready when I'm ready.
",-0.8214950372208456,0.8706736370967754,1.7380645161290325,99.59055831265509,86.82258064516128,4.460545905707196,17.602977667493796,5.369823440869387,-0.7437982630272955,417,10,107,2,13,143,73,124,0.079,0.718,0.203,0.9174,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,1,1,6,0,12,0,0,1,2,17,22,11,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,4,2,13,3,8,14,2,15,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,10,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331939842540529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526316747818799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4591014292332437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361892946078632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650235550656569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903453592845116,0.13992501578127642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566500366931462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128326197341575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669408601430068,0.0,0.3229245848696721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568907573572076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563364801184071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654445281693784,0.14896311590162134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371413742323168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284860406155813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726507357151872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552544310872392,0.15546743209677466,0.15710998897093734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,averagedancer,2019/03/06,"I’m so tired My friend is in a really bad place right now and I worry about him constantly. It’s taking a toll on me which makes me feel so bad. I just want to be there for him and help him but I’m spiraling down to a deep hole right now and I’m scared I might not come back. I just feel ready to die but also I don’t want to leave him. Also I have started to not talk about my feelings as freely to my therapist as before. I know it is a bad thing but I can’t bring myself to tell them about how I feel.
Life is hard and I’m not sure if I’m ready to get better. I don’t know who I am anymore.",-1.34515587529976,0.2956194244604333,1.3520575539568362,101.87393764988012,88.568345323741,4.8577458033573135,13.583213429256597,6.079149491110277,-1.1495701678657069,456,6,125,4,15,157,76,139,0.194,0.66,0.146,-0.7999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,14,7,0,1,4,0,10,2,0,2,1,26,29,15,1,3,9,0,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,5,22,3,17,27,0,14,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,5,80,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534219909649797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713807181553208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218369115187239,0.3968929710037095,0.0,0.0,0.13482777686849187,0.0,0.0,0.14013458681213864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364891236238849,0.0,0.17122625118554036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644442511400237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204647517846736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241671253907364,0.0,0.08278266255430608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141938495257384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620451130348152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741580112520765,0.0,0.0,0.1677738016850564,0.0,0.0,0.11191667354381724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576542656441563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808853690516645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655446805404717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150599599807772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27062785217582697,0.0,0.0,0.15863432374998165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215047555242176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933558538535974,0.0,0.1191333528405279,0.12735468857522192,0.13849074040293075,0.0,0.0,0.1839706120683328,0.10526596609655962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211293630395828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869137473285004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091187288535258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImJustABrokenGuy,2019/03/06,"Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m probably going to kill my self. Well my wife wanted to take tomorrow off. I’m going to try and convince her to go to work. We’ve had a shitty marriage and she just got mad at me because I asked my mother for advice because I wanted to leave her a month ago. Now she blew up on me and saying I shouldn’t have told my mom and it’s my fault. I think it’s just a sign I should be done with life. If I can convince her to go to work instead of stay home, my time on earth is done. ",-0.05239234449760488,1.5627180350877197,2.425502392344498,96.1316985645933,83.56140350877193,5.1980861244019145,19.135566188197764,6.11248444174946,-0.2489543859649124,392,10,96,3,11,135,69,114,0.13699999999999998,0.809,0.054000000000000006,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,2,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,0,15,23,6,1,5,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,1,0,5,1,20,3,16,15,0,16,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,6,62,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554862023505327,0.1592459096230343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794536054495385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902185211570452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676817752232063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083893083470336,0.0,0.14367983131549608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020023026447965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875239344238552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190219855844294,0.0,0.0,0.1268897366231287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103999768823972,0.14339223638914042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368946540874005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286222087782413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741062796328897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914794185253012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507191811813785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511031492093016,0.0,0.0,0.10475340212237348,0.0,0.0,0.17166006582519747,0.0,0.1219682781757384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192048886683246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152390661124175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615697911432546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingByDesign,2019/03/06,"I'm supposed to get my gun today. Everything is set in motion. When I was 21 in 2010 I tried to kill myself with my car. I should have died, but I was kept alive. The brain hemorrhages and the broken bones have made my life worse from that point on. Every year is harder than the last. I barely sleep 4 hours a night, I'm a different personality now than who I was before that event, my memory has gone to shit due to poor sleep and my head injury. I haven't had a happy year since. I've tried but my life is constantly marked with tragedy and shitty outcomes no matter what I do. I try to be nothing but kind to others and help them. I don't hesitate to help strangers or people I know, asking nothing in return. I get taken advantage of or get thrown away like garbage if I enter a relationship.   


I got fired from my job in January because I said ""this shit is retarded."" A 3.5 year job gone because the manager was having a bad day. I told myself this was the year I was finally going to go back to school, get my teeth fixed, get a vehicle, and see a dermatologist for my face. I had the income for it and then... I didn't. So I was about to kill myself then and there but I was stopped against my will. I had to leave my apartment because I couldn't afford rent. I was denied unemployment, I only had $1600 from a 401K check I've been living off of. I'm stuck sleeping on a ex-coworkers couch. A woman I knew since last year reconnected with me in January after I was fired. We talked constantly, everything was bliss and she made me forget all about my troubles. She said she loved me and a plethora of other affectionate things. She allowed me to feel emotions of love, happiness, and purpose I never felt before. And then of nowhere she doesn't want anything to do with me. She told me to delete all our photos, our texts, she even hid her spotify playlist that I listened to. I wasn't given a clear explanation and it gutted me. How can someone tell me they love me and want to spend the rest of their life with me one day then the next they try and forget I exist like I was a mistake or a regret. She was the most compassionate and caring person I ever met and even though she did that to me I still don't see her as a bad person. I feel like the universe decided to dangle the one thing I want in this world in front of me like a carrot and just rip it away as a form of punishment.  


I'm convinced that being alive is my punishment and I will constantly be taunted by happiness and fail at everything I do. I'm 30 and it's harder to keep starting over like this. So I bought a gun and it gets delivered today. Either I will end my suffering this afternoon or tomorrow morning. I've tried finding reasons to keep going but what's the point anymore. Doctors couldn't help me, people I know couldn't help me, family couldn't help me. I'm ready to take that second of pain from a bullet to the head  rather than continue suffering from emotional torment.  


What's fucked up is I know if I had taken care of my skin, my teeth, my body, gone to college out of high school, had gotten a vehicle I would probably be happy. It's too late for any of that now though so I've made peace with my end. Call this a cry for help, a goodbye, or whatever you want. I just wanted to leave something for someone I know to maybe find some day that explains why I did it.",3.4411046511627887,4.508621040697676,4.766516279069768,85.39708837209305,72.6046511627907,8.004,25.53325581395349,8.426882951386363,1.5241749069767438,2628,81,555,43,50,874,298,688,0.201,0.649,0.15,-0.9932,9,0,1,2,0,2,70.0,3,1,4,2,21,35,7,0,36,0,55,24,15,6,5,90,117,46,3,16,16,0,6,5,0,5,5,3,2,4,29,29,0,4,13,0,5,10,12,16,0,3,45,11,102,19,79,59,7,74,0,4,2,4,46,21,3,9,47,369,131,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043726020684533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058971873643416536,0.0,0.0,0.048933443636892685,0.0,0.05559040204177838,0.0,0.11173594495038372,0.0457238075290938,0.09929917838314492,0.108745303611301,0.0,0.10119822051075404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660506105736611,0.0,0.06638099925626921,0.06071894365679476,0.0,0.12125412586006988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927769521291436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531792897432058,0.1150472316019988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171378767457415,0.06212676450957631,0.0,0.06086347382012601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377700388767216,0.10533412969983333,0.0,0.0,0.0785502417425163,0.053788194791377066,0.050100614331953834,0.0,0.16032604173343326,0.0,0.056056952682648785,0.0,0.06013312569979819,0.042480779475761066,0.057094343175485,0.0651394239307497,0.10869723397891642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497310346449445,0.18640353644210567,0.0,0.10138353524731022,0.0,0.04755844140145445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532002633308009,0.0,0.0,0.122053536544181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391430268395587,0.06282651640460217,0.0,0.0,0.058559629033417465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801681676217896,0.1057078894491966,0.13157523878452745,0.061922147722430924,0.1307184708948555,0.09694147654519072,0.06707748625203745,0.12592664933882455,0.0,0.0,0.12600261390311512,0.14525446010750032,0.0,0.05250741331128017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100455478931486,0.16879757603496046,0.0,0.0,0.0597391389302929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586196364086989,0.0,0.06324017115120925,0.05580252332195949,0.0,0.11411378000964514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058809499680404,0.04522471726235662,0.06327342082479391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244909132831993,0.15576386213810894,0.0,0.0,0.11242456991665817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411177551074368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061138443797416536,0.0,0.06384161032040643,0.0,0.0,0.11312692603625515,0.0,0.0,0.12036059559197695,0.09476951783090548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207698060077607,0.0983777433880478,0.0,0.1785195130040222,0.0,0.10076656362658654,0.045777953970717225,0.0,0.0,0.04208861415259372,0.0,0.04748767619753126,0.04971419914859694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044709197136360325,0.04779455746008652,0.051973772806709284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900989467257659,0.0,0.11684529248275576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127290048535668,0.11363996055355866,0.0,0.201859271316932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536574304242372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365661435219556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060598448225337824,0.04224120725963295,0.0,0.0,0.19146291674205926
suicidewatch,dadaslilcarebear,2019/03/06,"Please help me My mum had me at 16, my dad beat her constantly and my nan put her into care. She’s a beautiful person but I’ve treated her like shit because she took drugs because of the mental issues she developed and I had resentment. After going through all of that she has an evil child. I’ve made her life hell. I’ve ruined it. But if I kill myself I’ll ruin it even more because all of that shit she went through would have been for nothing. Every relationship I’ve been in I’ve been cheated on and emotional abused. I was bullied in school. No one wants me. I’ve ruined so many lives. I just want to die. What do I do? I have such bad anxiety that I don’t have a job and my life will amount to nothing. ",0.16366666666666774,2.4041710999999992,2.1346666666666683,94.60066666666668,88.0,5.2,19.666666666666668,6.691623216298621,0.18806666666666685,555,17,124,7,18,184,93,150,0.38,0.547,0.073,-0.9972,1,0,1,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,14,7,0,4,0,15,5,2,1,2,15,22,8,2,4,4,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,11,0,1,9,0,24,3,14,11,4,11,1,3,0,0,15,5,3,1,3,79,30,2,0.0,0.1859587119390612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006543365992225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104572634960387,0.28702366990118106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600198033352136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960593985817254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162888117772635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201082742311486,0.0,0.0,0.17654632121618316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366322915953023,0.0,0.1322361675614164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919764314068472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051994996800236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381381325504082,0.15574750693700587,0.0,0.17364063849160405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217152156374765,0.0766772758455691,0.0,0.13858870190377187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850878807344067,0.0,0.15912149052398925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816751681222904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301193291452272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635259642570864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704167402841153,0.0,0.17228269639742325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577769346117388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850431860544182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884060603565697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222114594275566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437593707756055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514498547136585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454931478681206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149195345532413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2858692,2019/03/06,Eveyone i know hates me Im just a annoying asshole who fucks up everything ,5.224,6.1381047333333365,6.780000000000001,73.17000000000002,68.33333333333334,11.333333333333336,41.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,5.273666666666667,61,4,11,2,1,21,14,15,0.4920000000000001,0.508,0.0,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435323647003269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562393665602192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872360953685818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330723599426538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712185987339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sfczombiee,2019/03/06,"have you got any advice? my girlfriend of about 3 months has some violent mood swings. she was clean for 60 days and all of  sudden over the past two weeks its spiralled downhill. she had a really bad episode on Monday and shes just sent me a suicide letter to me she wrote on monday. i feel helpless because i cant help in anyway. she doesnt want her mum to know and ive told her to go see a professional. does anyone know who could help?

​

im sorry if im bad at explaining ive just joined.",0.2821758241758232,2.5994498476190486,2.0571428571428605,94.69978021978024,88.61904761904762,4.754578754578755,18.553113553113555,6.297961479604792,-0.10691941391941384,394,11,86,4,13,129,77,105,0.238,0.738,0.024,-0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,15,21,4,1,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,6,2,15,0,12,14,2,14,0,1,1,0,18,5,0,2,7,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853168074006212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054779589710987,0.23043683166474466,0.12896364754982842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326026967364348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166877324894433,0.11560452691313355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141439188278066,0.0,0.0,0.12230395557636405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595774427646698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588912786313744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777840734106234,0.0,0.15167471889893458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542272223652053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096936621461534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844551191777932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137112110645132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103556787213906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149007184009802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511208058297571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122896548532984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074385079455562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121187916095052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525351748747412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185627197466977,0.0,0.15212006276168488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23043683166474466,0.0
suicidewatch,psilocybit,2019/03/06,I can’t do this anymore I can’t keep lying in bed all day everyday failing my classes and calling into work. I can’t have her anymore and my heart is broken. I’m never enough for anyone. There’s too many things wrong in my life and I’m too overwhelmed and tired to fix them. I’m going to kill myswlf finally. I am so tired. I have tried for years. Hopefully this time I can go through with it. ,0.09607142857143104,2.3063526547619047,2.0145714285714327,95.58042857142858,87.92857142857143,4.788571428571427,20.304761904761907,6.2581,0.07852761904761962,309,10,69,3,10,102,57,84,0.262,0.6940000000000001,0.044,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,4,5,1,1,0,0,9,4,1,0,2,10,16,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,11,1,9,16,2,11,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,44,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996274500360122,0.14087929216548675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573330236349088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993773968929434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081823909236892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071116511969924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290111153185979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387544167716705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011480508353213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790844164317437,0.2229074383886823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423110718748419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042687941798052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539356689145314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385416125039712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748443440187616,0.4631425568156168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679149207686514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466796225538468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028642515255886,0.0,0.12974632221580812
suicidewatch,throwaway1561561561,2019/03/06,"I think im going to kill myself in May its kinda dumb, but the only thing im looking forward to in life is game of thrones and avengers. once im done with that theres nothing holding me here anymore. Im struggling with depression, social anxiety, gender dysphoria and im failing school. I know whats coming next: ""oh dont worry, you can deal with all of these in time, its going to get better!"". Its not. its all lies. Transitioning doesnt make your life better, it makes it even shittier than it was. bullying and harassment, several surgeries to have to go through, difficulty finding a job... and all so i can be ""sort of a woman"". Lets be real, people  dont accept trans people. they either flat out start insulting you, or if they want to feel progressive, they might ""tolerate your delusion"". i dont want to get better, i want it to end. anytime i think of hanging myself it just brings me comfort and peace, because i will no longer have to deal with any of this.",4.071766917293232,5.383751710526319,5.167067669172933,82.18947368421055,71.36842105263158,7.954887218045112,28.83458646616541,8.418075326091056,2.1003533834586467,755,29,145,12,14,249,119,190,0.215,0.667,0.118,-0.9763,1,0,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,4,3,5,5,12,4,1,3,0,17,2,0,2,3,37,35,9,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,14,11,0,1,6,1,0,7,6,7,0,0,2,2,18,5,24,27,4,15,0,2,1,0,13,5,1,6,5,95,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100123822874696,0.0,0.07987207937610105,0.0,0.1035449985467359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636463430712875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27702202439223433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899385231344266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152807876868968,0.0899267334238233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684596162831113,0.3670973219703337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247478189891753,0.0,0.0,0.06896071096752923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279198394514128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542731338702852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909807629487904,0.0,0.17801296382953954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638945132892511,0.0,0.10360914759145044,0.0,0.11551233721273554,0.0,0.0573800824130267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676458155361533,0.14749336892785564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767669328152178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938672930597634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076072850123952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103943329903536,0.0,0.0,0.1001825993922812,0.0,0.0,0.11119145377420334,0.0,0.07940723253126677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476716635106696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883952657727985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056667944028164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795168347638528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064311342622538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390074661043043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091502460247674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936424878169879,0.13380127185904925,0.0,0.0,0.060881331291482224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184748197606255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603171753071934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Watrchick,2019/03/06,I need help Everything in my life is going right so far but I still don't feel happy. I used to be worried I would have no one in my life but now I'm worried what will happen when they die. I'm so scared of death I don't think I can handle the pain of anyone close to me dying. I want to kill myself just so I don't have to deal with their dying.,-0.6514999999999986,0.9379688500000009,1.8800000000000023,99.395,85.5,4.5,13.75,5.148860815047168,-1.2951249999999996,268,3,69,1,8,92,53,80,0.395,0.5710000000000001,0.034,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,2,0,7,4,1,1,1,0,10,3,0,1,0,11,19,6,5,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,0,1,14,1,9,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301540698535502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190313072503692,0.0,0.0,0.5795547084855814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672914700816323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411844972430046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578818306881874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460381421877426,0.19815048675043007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476634515270495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593736567640175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26295369468458285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380211448351183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613391502712631,0.0,0.1980670789179634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896334156662875,0.0,0.0,0.18635954864007115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865239126381236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927159520657113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076600315026154,0.0,0.0,0.10979074630047607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780703102943228,0.0,0.13222917969064968,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jumanaaa,2019/03/06,"I don't know which is stupider, why I wanna do this or why I don't How stupid is if that the main reasons that are stopping me from going through with this are that I'm scared I'm general of not being alive and I'm scared of what people might think? Lol, how pathetic is that? ",1.6829999999999998,3.0970479666666684,3.25,93.135,77.66666666666666,6.8000000000000025,22.0,7.554174236665415,0.6163999999999992,218,6,51,3,5,72,39,60,0.257,0.659,0.084,-0.8902,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,2,1,1,10,0,0,3,0,14,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,14,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640689381205934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091706596450606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106180874090967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299297837816108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010506143827088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5862944748987249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447967149249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876165664498016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284189689207339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeedAdvicePlsHelp95,2019/03/06,"I fucked up. I didn't appreciate my SO enough and now I'm afraid that this is the end of us. I was too focused on school and didn't give her enough time. 

I had an exam the day before valentines day and I didn't make a good present for her like she always does for me. On top of that, I ended up getting sick because of lack of sleep and we couldn't even spend time together on valentines day. 

She is always giving me amazing presents, but I never did the same because I'm a fucking idiot. She wrote me a letter every day last summer because she was going on a vacation with her family and knew I'd miss her. For valentines day she wrote down 100 reasons why she loves me on little pieces of paper and put them in a jar. 

She realized how I don't put nearly as much effort into our relationship as I should and has been slowly drifting away since then. I love her so much and I have realized that I don't deserve someone as amazing as her.

Right now I'm reading her valentines day present over and over again while crying and thinking about how I should end my life. She helped me get my life on track and without her, I feel so lost. Also, it will help her get over me quicker. She deserves the world and I don't deserve anything",4.009052802223252,4.650345051181105,4.7780037054191755,87.41852477999076,70.92913385826772,7.078832792959704,27.53960166743863,6.794906146795322,1.1641489578508568,969,32,204,7,17,313,133,254,0.096,0.7929999999999999,0.111,0.7088,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,3,0,1,3,12,12,3,1,10,0,19,8,1,4,1,34,40,25,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,15,0,0,6,1,1,4,9,6,0,0,12,1,46,6,31,24,7,46,0,2,0,4,32,20,2,0,23,145,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945945197019001,0.18616347159180247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205644590626463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051020856863972,0.0,0.0,0.20457800259752465,0.0,0.095189995020449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287989457583175,0.4328671135930474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789496641765524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972410551590167,0.231175615017673,0.0,0.07388664625313852,0.0,0.094252195438028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545760626602788,0.0,0.05656297024827173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683721190483856,0.1753365979773582,0.21462472610800096,0.06357620497435144,0.09382815785522636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499632662784067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118597760946852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802897362510435,0.05465223109476172,0.112119436317446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211529780574346,0.0,0.2019274343140692,0.0,0.07467163415311902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644692265727321,0.0,0.08627819873845505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491308922321712,0.0,0.0,0.11189658796487828,0.0,0.0,0.1150172034895738,0.0,0.12010255788739167,0.0,0.09553322208278553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132146833929856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925369720531413,0.0,0.11194710386631763,0.0,0.09478396597718056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167941791322716,0.0,0.0,0.13046029617275706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345614036314073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094194991219,0.0,0.0,0.10783513603981068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nuacct22,2019/03/06,"Is anyone here 30 or over... please This is my last effort. 

1. Psychologically damaging childhood
2. Born beautiful and have been bullied by women, used by men most of my life
3. Black American and family devastated by poverty and cycle of having nothing and never becoming anything, despite honest efforts at trying 
4. Rejected by my own racial group for not looking like a ""real"" black person
5. Classic racism and intraracism 
6. Used sexually as a kid; raped as adult twice
7. No one ever helped me despite my sincere non manipulative cries for help because I'm too pretty to look like I'm in pain 
8. Beautiful people deserve to suffer and should not be helped
9. Fired from my job by black foreigners bc of racism and bc I spoke out when one of the men touched my breasts and another was harassing me
10. Chronic health issues ignored by doctors
11. Traumatic things beyond my control keep happening to me and all I needed was to have someone listen to me and tell me things were going to be ok. I needed to be cared about
12. The internet has replaced real life and the internet hates who I am. I did not choose to be who I am. 
13. Men hate women now bc of feminism and I am unfortunate enough to be single. It does not look like there is hope of finding a normal man who is not a polygamist, addicted to porn, or a covert misogynist.
14. Bc of my childhood I chose the wrong people as friends and partners. They were mostly narcissistic and abusive.They abandoned me at my most desperate times. All I needed was to talk and maybe a hug so that I could process the traumatic event and get past it.
15. I realized these patterns and I kept a distance from them which I guess hurt their egos bc I was no longer initiating everything, and they fell off the face of the earth. My female friends discarded me after they got the security of marriage. 
16. I live alone, am jobless, and will lose my apt soon
17. No, I do not qualify for public assistance
18. Literally everyone I encounter is in some secret competition with me bc they feel I'm good looking and therefore I think I'm perfect and I have privilege
19. I tried for years. I was resilient for years. 
20. I just needed to be heard this one time.",2.6947384219554,5.2306599575471715,4.254030874785592,81.72673241852489,79.14150943396227,7.345111492281305,27.325042881646656,8.367750914986694,2.2433462264150954,1738,75,321,37,44,578,243,424,0.212,0.6970000000000001,0.091,-0.9954,2,2,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,6,5,11,28,4,0,15,1,33,12,2,5,5,67,63,28,0,8,9,0,3,3,3,2,7,3,0,10,12,23,0,6,6,0,0,2,10,13,0,4,13,13,47,15,48,41,9,26,0,6,7,4,33,8,0,8,19,210,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007455339848853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457670135006776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587810882531773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060207875122834,0.0,0.08309148048074194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061551688721251524,0.11151581262203264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294784183669613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324885807924273,0.08061804988042996,0.0,0.11091317138204354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334927957333293,0.08836141359984805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433122805123032,0.0,0.0,0.09133509529324144,0.0,0.09648322151855723,0.0907472625205042,0.0,0.09518756178705688,0.0,0.051054555626693164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228672073939596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602167352651602,0.0,0.052753783706538916,0.0,0.05738480279854555,0.08469065332926305,0.08075665662786366,0.0,0.11123221283674116,0.0,0.0892893435242007,0.0,0.0,0.19937819818741867,0.0,0.10732867948285936,0.0,0.0,0.2030385220197692,0.0,0.0,0.10028813327084214,0.0,0.0,0.10809278067474268,0.0,0.0,0.10538869681222077,0.100199283941266,0.08974869107930722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230578319707768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426392388723369,0.14798968443328822,0.0,0.08916026308353098,0.0,0.3391647200800412,0.11296201417711225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014401016449283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29947829516044633,0.07787595095393582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893127383985163,0.09688550630745288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052640369671008,0.0,0.10744149237535634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638934753406248,0.1400027579010795,0.08816499138771514,0.0,0.110837105222329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272498215199807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22985683684835334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855533795743058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115759372566123,0.0882541143174986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416282675070612,0.06469888008138433,0.0,0.0,0.11775535158057587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371069310138806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744150456102758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039720101786324,0.0,0.13004551510668189
suicidewatch,amanduhhh89,2019/03/06,Some days. Some days i feel completely ok and some days it's like a  nagging feeling to just end my life . today is one of those days. I can't seem to do anything right. I know I need to reach out to those around me and at least tell my bf how i am feeling but I don't want people to think I am crazy. I don't think I'll actually ever have the courage to end my life but why are there days when it's all i can think about?!,-0.15135416666666754,1.3311340729166687,1.8450000000000024,100.83333333333336,83.27083333333334,5.1000000000000005,17.958333333333332,5.82211442006289,-0.7061166666666665,325,7,87,2,9,108,59,96,0.071,0.7979999999999999,0.131,0.5196,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,2,1,10,2,0,1,2,23,20,6,0,2,3,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,13,3,11,20,5,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,11,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1717587588114766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483987408828009,0.15668474627059836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845414049020379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5675541204868848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31178230978659216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920962805783948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26698532866978586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672958542380676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24863980372940525,0.08598878864462202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050796035962178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926781220391397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220220274634782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031016808760714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023139023570496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538390546366762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383371288039214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683533444167545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381428427617304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588201583449587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmashleyMCubed,2019/03/06,"Feeling hopeless. My man and I are struggling financially, my health is getting bad, my emotions and working on my mental health and BPD are causing tons of reopened wounds that's I dunno how clean out besides bitching and bad coping mechanisms. I'm trying to get better, but it's overwhelming. My cat is having aggression issues, I'm worried I'm pregnant in the midst of it but it's too early too take a test. I feel useless. I want it to get better but it keeps getting worse in other ways and I can't blanace living life properly. I don't *WANT* to feel this way, or feel like death is the option and to boot if I *am* pregnant I couldn't do that to a life inside me... But I feel like I've just failed everyone... I'm just worried. I want to give my boyfriend a break from my bullshit. It's been five years, and he's so patient but seeing him struggle is hurting me, and I need to get better. This part of me wants to be a cam girl u til I get into a job support program in my city (it's in the works, just waiting for support to open up, and I would tell him, not doing so is wrong) to pay some bills but I'm not sure that's a good idea. He even said he's not sure about my face/naked body being on the internet and I agree yenno?

I'm ranting I'm sorry. I just want to help him, and make his life easier while being with me and in scared I can't. ",0.509166666666669,2.5133121388888893,2.5352500000000013,93.98475000000002,83.8611111111111,4.951111111111112,21.405555555555555,6.079149491110277,0.14192555555555542,1048,34,234,8,30,351,148,288,0.201,0.667,0.132,-0.9698,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,6,11,23,2,4,10,0,20,7,1,3,2,55,53,25,1,9,15,0,5,2,0,1,6,1,1,2,13,16,0,2,6,0,2,0,7,13,0,1,2,7,33,10,29,46,3,18,0,5,1,0,13,11,1,5,6,143,46,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120307436279958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27201697252931545,0.0,0.11387876292509436,0.12912279391474182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531827288759008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153233829198592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771477416646267,0.0,0.0,0.09796410672285527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25919086538478336,0.14648338820118387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213808918725509,0.09834838631835216,0.0,0.08599053877549599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795205520287625,0.0,0.0,0.06871829501177333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097518566992914,0.1157347907405059,0.0,0.1070062688558683,0.10173720561028222,0.09112621047213658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172428335179839,0.10017408216353896,0.0,0.09052875091316184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843419074667223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331800165059428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601871912681195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102126984442302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975218418016004,0.0,0.10264234658821923,0.0,0.08169671226245097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476491773331902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143563822380289,0.0,0.0,0.2326813641266552,0.1932514294603342,0.0,0.07708373953008067,0.0,0.08960869400559572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960566723875186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302350480997291,0.16275428722531815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492743860480999,0.20823201229626376,0.10447861509752193,0.07282864435938677,0.11209164673609442,0.0,0.06602076775747663
suicidewatch,Abrakem,2019/03/06,"Fellas its been good to know ya I just dont think I can last longer.

​

Everything feels wrong.

​

I am burning it all and I dont mean to be.

​

I am fighting a want to run off and go harm myself irreparably. 

​

I am going to abandon everyone and go away.

​

I have no one to talk to anymore.",1.4636363636363647,4.0431743787878816,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,85.51515151515152,5.118181818181818,26.431818181818183,6.6274283507984215,1.2153090909090911,263,12,51,3,8,84,44,66,0.211,0.727,0.062,-0.875,0,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,1,11,17,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,1,1,9,1,8,15,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4918228252152212,0.5515632632838248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003346081328019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529467693323219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279664439712676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674812502301879,0.08159092068781415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590318300728806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478413663764493,0.07614541956266464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989258268292169,0.0740011813300027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889052995686863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061517674822272314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296884345561498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817080368807687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535468309847891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925819272366418,0.5515632632838248,0.0
suicidewatch,Sjshitshow89,2019/03/06,"Life has been a shit show. Im not meant to be happy :( So... as a child i was sexually abused and physically assaulted by my real dad and au pair until me and my little brother went to live with my mum and step dad. I was 5 and i cant remember being so happy!

As i got older i started to resent my mum for leaving my brother and i with that man... but she did and my brother now has a learning disability due to blunt force trauma to his head caused by a beating. I on the other hand suffer mostly with the psychological scars from the years of abuse... except for the physical scars in my mouth where that man made me eat glass after i dropped and smashed a jar of jam.  

Fast forward 13years and my stepdad dies at the aged of 41... my hero... it completely broke me. My mum ended up off her face on sleeping pills and my brothers were only 14 and 8. I cared for them for years because she couldnt. 

I was miserable, i didnt grieve... by no means was my life a bed of roses before he died, i was a stroppy teenager and my step dad and i fought like cat and dog but he was and forever will be my hero. 

You never ""get over"" someone dying, you learn to live with it. The fact he was a soldier made learning to live with it much easier because he would be away for 6-8 months at a time. 

2 years of working shitty jobs and i decide to go to college and university... 4 years later im a mental health nurse. 

My boyfriend of 2 years cheats on me (with his step sister on christmas day) 2 months after i graduate... leaving me with no choice but to give up my first ever nursing job which was 650 miles away because i couldn't afford to move by myself. 

I go get a job in a bar saying i was never going to work as a nurse... it took a year for the people around me to convince me to take up a job as a nurse, the career i studied 4 years for...

During my time studying my mum met someone... he was ok... just ok... didnt hate him and wanted my mum to be happy, she was young and she cant sit living a widows life, my step dad would have wanted her to be happy.

Turns out his a massive c**t... he was awful to her, emotionally abused her, made her chose him over her kids... she threw out the eldest of my 2 brother because he made her pick... a year later they are engaged and hes only in it for the money... my step dads life insurance.

To cut a long story short, ive moved out to live with a family friend after hes pinned up up by my throat... and she told my i deserved it... havent spoken to her since

I end up meeting someone and moving to London... im happy, hes older... some might say its because ive got ""daddy issues"" but he made me feel special. 

Those 3 years with him have been tough, cant teach an old dog new tricks they say... this is acyually very true and now we've broken up... possibly for the best. 

I cant keep fighting a 1 sided battle... since last Christmas ive had to be strong for everyone. Finding out my littlest brother is suicidal and trying to be strong for him. Work is just ridiculously hard at the moment too...

I just have nothing left to give... being strong for everyone and ive forgotten about myself...

I have no real friends, im the one everyone forgets about or the second thought when people make plans... so i just keep to myself... im not disappointed that way... and because im the ""forgettable"" one people will only miss me until my funeral... i wont be a great loss to anyone... 

And here i am, the day ive made a plan to move out of the home i share with my now ex boyfriend and his adult son... 

Ill move out on the 15th of this month, a day before my 30th birthday... ill spend it alone of course, not like anyone was going to do anything for me anyway...

And that'll be where my plan begins...  having a plan is good. It'll keep me going until then...

My fake smile and current attitude is superficial... but no one has noticed... and remember im a mental health nurse, surrounded by professionals...  and still no one has noticed...",2.4758334308334327,3.687834974201476,4.1773031473031494,88.12645236145237,75.1793611793612,6.691595491595493,23.60859560859561,7.136433693783602,0.7852441636441632,3015,87,653,31,63,1016,341,814,0.108,0.753,0.139,0.986,6,1,0,0,5,0,172.0,0,2,3,16,21,46,11,1,46,3,71,18,7,9,5,103,111,50,6,6,14,19,3,2,2,8,9,3,2,5,18,49,2,3,11,2,2,19,20,21,0,6,36,6,107,25,111,54,4,111,0,7,0,0,75,39,1,4,54,420,125,15,0.0,0.17180327385642047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050059334978318284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675923616780069,0.0,0.039774674488020266,0.04302741092106056,0.0,0.0,0.09082256446105047,0.0,0.0,0.1767833502721001,0.0,0.08225716361697978,0.0,0.05072343729006251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927962379064618,0.04965222087598158,0.0,0.0,0.050677165771814484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935140845936172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048884568967916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945763769556975,0.0,0.05436912250748624,0.08561896343079084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372077213695776,0.0,0.13855531423629894,0.0,0.0,0.045564891412254914,0.0,0.024439067873545637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04417630129754463,0.041112783519792834,0.0,0.0,0.0746852895349679,0.0,0.05050492692630087,0.09273254614585667,0.13734632231040755,0.04054017510411232,0.07731405702558307,0.05328828614364107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572616319677624,0.04329767314684176,0.04771971137733278,0.049604517129225714,0.10275333319278636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048482834198555286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36546227960220573,0.050448025311021764,0.1918557175603708,0.12888415103757914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939857270811384,0.0,0.10235722472314596,0.052514914667167366,0.0,0.13655862821414275,0.04722699601180838,0.048443257171231435,0.21339855908787328,0.042773973103999816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744081814873776,0.032263247974542206,0.0,0.0,0.05264977753902373,0.0,0.0,0.09741838899875872,0.0512746208662666,0.0,0.0,0.11573895347433034,0.2568563879766509,0.03553097170885725,0.0,0.07455615381304302,0.04668117371323095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637767258075414,0.11005691192635396,0.05071828861848937,0.0,0.13100918340808929,0.11028030775460124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052590393243448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448920049982568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002910059603747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095057541506615,0.0,0.0,0.11531115178750515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961404517027945,0.07996458923188235,0.0,0.04836879777754235,0.0,0.12285944855826947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034210977261145865,0.0,0.03859950828241475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286943252319834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634107127050303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837171099744915,0.05636776178786852,0.0,0.0,0.04618510474543298,0.053700732023288136,0.03281553968936972,0.052573394655166666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039880522520349716,0.057017163129744836,0.0383651934097405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044806001767407865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055629462576406,0.0,0.0,0.06867001967816502,0.0,0.0,0.28012897362411443
suicidewatch,YoavGr,2019/03/06,"How do I talk my friend out of having suicidal thoughts? My friend is an only child, her parents aren’t home a lot and she’s lonely there all day long. She had already attempted suicide once which ended with her being hospitalized. She says that she is just tired of the world, she hates this and she just wants to leave the world. She’s considering suicide.

How do I talk her out of having suicidal thoughts?",3.6490596745027126,5.8412272151898765,3.897504520795664,87.22050632911396,74.31645569620251,7.0459312839059685,25.20976491862568,7.957251820313856,1.3934904159132009,326,11,64,5,7,101,52,79,0.28600000000000003,0.648,0.066,-0.97,2,2,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,4,0,9,1,0,2,1,14,13,4,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,14,2,7,9,2,7,0,1,0,0,17,4,0,1,3,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691070031971728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338939312099196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199079273287454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771669830192436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827707731894156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608082085075484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974958464808684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418730175186259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629339544661276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707293852693555,0.0,0.12192616910589607,0.0,0.0,0.17800994131180595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748828216842187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7014308358334035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577089542169673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25454312664968176,0.0,0.18425758364033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455746563337383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bmw-m3-gts,2019/03/06,"Something I don’t understand It’s not hard for me to work hard, be a good guy, improve myself and things like that but why Why should I go through all of this bullshit for nothing What’s the point of doing all of this shit for nothing in return?",5.0788235294117685,4.940551000000003,5.153725490196081,88.39176470588238,68.41176470588235,7.584313725490197,30.72549019607843,6.42735559955562,1.4340666666666664,195,7,42,1,3,61,40,51,0.209,0.654,0.13699999999999998,-0.8801,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,2,7,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,9,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378782700189277,0.20348594398424047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402175412529659,0.0,0.0,0.4346536673795709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852477006232726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655729513082194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934057048689366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24903101159341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676953066664884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117628318926033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525608329427761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378273736799743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766196595009667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SopzeLS,2019/03/06,"Something EVERYBODY should know on Earth At aproximately 20 years old you WILL get through a Psychosis. Its not avoidable, its part of your brain develoment, to most of people it even pass unnoticed (like 24 h) but it can extend to years long. I need to explain: a Psychosis include voices, hallucinations and diferences between your own reality and the others one, so... Absolutly everything you think you know can change against others, It will change the way you see everything, the way you act, etc... We all pass through that, for most people usually its short enough to even notice it... EVEN NOTICE IT, So they'll never understand what youre passing through. You should know this, cause if you overthink this it can become a crhonic disease, really. Mine started at 19 and it still has not ended (25+) and my stupid thoughs let it develop into hard paranoid thoughs, hallucinations that involves dreams and shit like that. DONT LET YOUR BRAIN WIN THE GAME OF LIFE, youre more than your stupid brain can even imagine. be yourself, laugh about everything (including yourself) and do what you want, thats the purpose of life, noone understand why we're here and if someone tells you he know, he's liying. Be free, Be you. Be unique, even if you think youre worthless... be worthless in an unique way and fuck everything else... There's not anyone like you, and i know it feels like a generic prhase but its true. Youre unique and if seems like nobody likes you... what? think that youre more true than them, you dont hide behind whatever. I cant explain this here Bcause it will turn into a full week reading thing, but please believe a (maybe the only here) person that consciously suffers a mentall illness since 7 years ago. Believe, and dont fall into darkness, please, im not my brain, and my brain is broken.",4.300885572139304,6.701309680597018,4.087388059701492,85.64710199004975,73.08955223880595,6.854726368159205,27.883084577114424,7.793537801064563,1.7482159203980094,1433,56,263,20,30,435,175,335,0.102,0.748,0.15,0.9426,0,1,1,0,0,0,67.0,1,23,2,1,15,19,4,1,14,0,24,10,6,1,4,55,45,23,0,8,11,0,2,6,0,6,3,1,0,1,29,16,0,1,16,3,1,5,9,8,0,1,0,4,33,12,25,32,10,30,0,3,1,1,34,9,2,7,19,173,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918874226607094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457605216173757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620274238614709,0.0,0.17587665056958154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356614535894909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018131425508107,0.16513817744253972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27443049083274274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520276386628181,0.0,0.06913125829945889,0.08064899284743822,0.08704905706065086,0.2577643669179822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805938533512521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946563812652983,0.055760649412871885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215818511923128,0.040779156962811085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991961841489477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430998473607257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447778611011906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962773229753405,0.11026143533871184,0.22879475731838,0.0,0.0,0.06907391691414234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841412571112502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865846003186246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057874864830734174,0.06019882185597791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772634708832274,0.08190286288213497,0.0,0.052890325547486884,0.059362366585137716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452314192329265,0.0,0.10822341145108982,0.06815234415079273,0.0,0.17135619072588798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780735210479904,0.0,0.050002365419892766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062197656493229364,0.0710559725703993,0.0,0.0,0.08011966588967448,0.06456575099122673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613354434948578,0.0600885500148657,0.0,0.0,0.05524588971761965,0.0,0.06233274663411958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822123699007879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185454564810039,0.15003847690814065,0.1533721713697131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489859675826604,0.0,0.16251059996680822,0.0,0.0,0.08596369029494608,0.0,0.04603732717473249,0.1858630837637767,0.0626089263978548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043014978766098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507895576461087
suicidewatch,MyCatGimli,2019/03/06,"Not urgent but help/advice needed Second time this ever happened, had a shitty morning (train to school cancelled, bought a disgusting expensive coffee while waiting, WiFi in Café died trying to do work, etc) and I kinda got lost in a downward spiral of self pitying, sadness and some dark thoughts (which scared the shit out of me) and then starting over again. Spent the train journey trying not to cry. Generally quite happy other than being an extremely stressed student so I'm confused as to where this came from. In a better (still bad, but 'safe') mood now, so thinking back a few hours it already seems a bit silly what I was thinking. Scared I off myself out of impulsive thinking as soon as exams for uni start. Just looking for what people with similar problems have done to get out of that mood quickly and avoid it in future if possible. I hope this is still the right sub for this, if not please point me somewhere else. ",7.3668208092485585,7.639756346820812,6.640236994219656,78.26856358381507,63.56647398843931,8.538497109826592,33.4849710982659,7.908726449838941,2.4991784971098268,740,28,127,7,10,227,125,173,0.256,0.638,0.106,-0.9857,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,12,19,2,5,10,0,7,1,1,0,1,33,26,15,1,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,3,5,1,3,2,3,12,0,1,9,1,7,5,27,16,4,30,0,3,1,0,1,13,1,7,15,91,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096971414984338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591950751667208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092743805362254,0.12045151152234143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758671000441912,0.15749512873095378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499560766932894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846341133072875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497196477998869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762860192783395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051115644420347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608886174713426,0.0,0.13049190275635195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537016949904791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537831925151648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756910467909355,0.1535680099908392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669478815393064,0.0,0.0,0.14328325045677362,0.14206755677366212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114250696562492,0.0,0.1574774028962417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696735040415184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001208303880002,0.0,0.0,0.15835473439899014,0.13637282401733547,0.16263206492833418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803783837040035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343882433245867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319769901260785,0.0,0.0,0.28885990134853506,0.14599935168490494,0.0,0.13132936272897186,0.15049518826894287,0.0,0.14808135449731927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421668235760732,0.0,0.2304132811494465,0.0,0.1652499424914665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773089558045148,0.0,0.11452674175992708,0.08411947148113172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588685216392476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502337938722238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MySuicidalAccount18,2019/03/06,"I wish I never existed. Things went South today and I ended up Punching my """"""father"""""" in the face, multiple times a few minutes.  
I'm not sure what's going to happen tomorrow morning but I sure am not ready for this.  
I wish I never existed. Why do I have to suffer this way? Why is it such a taboo to end his/her own life?  
Maybe I would have ended it much sooner if it wasn't for my mother, but then again, even she makes my life hell sometimes, mainly her getting drunk most of the time.  
I'm literally scared of alcohol because of my parents. I don't want to end up like them but I'm not even sure I'll reach my 30s, actually I'm not sure I'll even reach my 20s.  
*Sigh, that's all folks.",1.6766326530612257,2.983370625850341,3.797023809523811,89.65839285714287,77.43537414965986,6.8047619047619055,21.773809523809533,7.492282038375204,0.6382340136054423,530,14,121,7,12,182,89,147,0.205,0.723,0.07200000000000001,-0.9695,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,1,1,4,0,8,5,1,1,7,23,20,6,0,5,8,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,8,3,1,0,2,0,18,5,12,17,6,19,1,1,0,0,6,4,1,2,13,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.128197051955858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403933538038176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008123447461625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465415251521467,0.0,0.0,0.2603036685866531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863480450647554,0.0,0.07465994749553155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616904431701328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557941415947798,0.06418018668611464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768973057650298,0.0,0.13197767167274618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657122366382742,0.0,0.2026395186822112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586956663594666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152314098926735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992715634436394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952543632942669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727562971875971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320447117658267,0.0,0.1245223136536972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748475412377928,0.10427448210639456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178024439122087,0.23707991641152726,0.0,0.3021353991997006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332066518865252,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Roddy-,2019/03/06,"Anyone planning suicide after the last season of GoT? Years ago I decided if my life was still shit after the release of the last ASOIAF book that'd be it and I would just embrace death. Years later I saw a couple people saying the same on internet, but referring to Game of Thrones. As I just saw the trailer for the last season it automatically came up to my mind, so I'm asking you guy, is there anyone actively considering it?",6.146428571428572,6.377441738095237,7.2572380952380975,72.95442857142861,66.14285714285714,9.577142857142855,31.08571428571429,9.3871,2.7553885714285715,342,12,62,6,5,116,61,84,0.093,0.852,0.054000000000000006,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,7,0,5,2,1,0,0,11,11,5,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,7,0,11,3,1,15,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,1,12,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148347937926416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30208418353742605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194403773936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24706260071430905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390155095654693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276622101028455,0.0,0.0,0.2138879355158153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282410041729481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257715770302346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181126774223694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149756988609913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717830943996681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217353848153747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250915125567193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23628438127283305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345022953035206,0.0,0.0,0.2782120154856101
suicidewatch,CrankyHyena,2019/03/06,"Dunno how much longer I can do this I'm so tired of my life constantly bouncing between a suffocating anxiety and a depression induced apathy. I'm tired of feeling like I'm constantly dragging other people down with me. I'm tired of my family not caring about me and I'm tired of feeling the urge to push away friends because I feel like if someone cares about me it means they want to hurt me, I can't fucking trust anyone. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. All I think about is killing myself and when I think about what I want to do with my life the only thing I can come up with is wanting to die. I don't think I'm ever going to get better and I don't know how to cope with that.",2.665411836485664,3.6401239731543633,4.264539353264187,88.61388041488712,74.36912751677852,7.297376449054301,24.954850518608907,7.686295010490155,1.1012093959731537,548,17,122,7,11,184,81,149,0.239,0.636,0.125,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,11,11,2,0,4,0,9,9,2,3,2,32,34,10,2,5,4,0,3,2,1,0,6,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,9,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,3,19,7,25,34,2,12,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,2,6,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522855834020542,0.0,0.0,0.08704086327720023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695514433121527,0.0,0.0,0.07588320651782555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009440853183013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25383584122400377,0.0,0.0,0.10723041098015226,0.0,0.2690421155580378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721635453949402,0.0,0.12919289218721566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126012956338169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735075932241047,0.0,0.1888258536256158,0.17786024710656373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617465515110762,0.11508180743233065,0.06503682265695274,0.0,0.1414922297734867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332607921802725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772113395820593,0.0,0.0684121731688594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758509481342287,0.12163145067896693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559763187976545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915087555410272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467433845225036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863002982662661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457212056869064,0.0,0.10547338189103972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270045632252539,0.23928954253009602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722960038482781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293691356669654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeweyLee19,2019/03/06,"Farewell, r/SuicideWatch It's been a strange week trying to reach out to some of the people here. I am still new to Reddit and the Internet in general, so it's been a learning curve. I have come to realize that most of the subs have ironic titles like r/trees is actually r/cannabis, and r/SuicideWatch is actually r/AttentionSeeking. Anyway, I tried to be positive and considerate, never mind my general rough demeanor. I hope you all get well and get the help you deserve. There is no other choice other than professional therapy and psychiatric intervention. There is, actually. It's called a death-spiral and ends in the grave. Sorry for the dramatic title. I guess that's a little distasteful for this sub. Though, it's actually the reason I am unsubscribing. Titles like that being confronted with further attention seeking behavior in the comments followed by miserable and rude comments. Someone actually called me out on my own suicidal history, and when I overshared my psych history he just deflected. Anyway, I am rambling. Get help. Sooner than later. /end rant",4.762894736842107,7.853540815789479,6.063421052631582,68.51144736842107,75.05263157894737,9.905263157894737,32.131578947368425,10.008157457239328,4.347557894736843,865,43,131,29,20,289,116,190,0.124,0.758,0.118,-0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,2,0,0,11,8,2,1,12,0,13,0,0,1,2,27,20,11,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,2,1,14,4,19,16,4,18,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,4,10,93,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.6656524920075568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786090546509176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751750850139694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416629846529257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138282961791583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028681597151944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288474903518984,0.0,0.0,0.13550017431662414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330010496601047,0.1367330512448006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377497159650801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521887869657988,0.13175949946836313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945794755655297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026696615068926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559191967795017,0.0,0.0,0.15271590465178392,0.0,0.0,0.1089486721619086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922611006369382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601314808123265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403624354467655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524637408720795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943139464987407,0.0,0.12266188584305715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Help61234,2019/03/06,"Im having a rough go Thinking about ending it, I'd just like someone to talk to.",4.055,3.1349367222222284,5.852222222222222,85.165,70.66666666666667,7.2,29.11111111111111,3.1291,1.0323777777777785,63,2,14,0,1,22,16,18,0.0,0.848,0.152,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42774963501172975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744711539796673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216679991919346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594457929966625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40920128106139225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881762647559333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094543400187436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ender3838,2019/03/06,"Post I saw on r/advice I saw a post on r/advice asking for tips on how to kill themselves withought anyone finding out. U/anxi0sly is the one who posted it. I told them there are people out there to help them. He talked about how it would show everyone that they were serious 

This was there post 

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/ay0mz6/secretly_kill_myself/

I referred to them the suicide hotline.",5.482189542483663,9.163677088235298,4.0154901960784315,79.73081699346406,79.58823529411767,5.375163398692812,22.26143790849673,6.937597516519254,0.9332888888888892,334,10,52,4,9,96,48,68,0.152,0.809,0.039,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,9,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,8,0,10,3,0,9,0,0,2,0,10,5,0,0,0,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37282098615542586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338527912709114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833679027143862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822813387503809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435308171197547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786379859336072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21104997357633853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926531980303746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322504044604576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7307893500136547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866274943881094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332733092072087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822813387503809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551190571012714,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Robinspussy,2019/03/06,"Thinking about ending it today hopefully my cat doesnt eat me, fuck my mom.",4.91,5.746114666666667,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,69.0,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.254333333333334,60,2,11,1,1,20,14,15,0.0,0.684,0.316,0.6757,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,6,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059551254825316,0.0,0.0,0.35138614239095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366771659227519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940436605531548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646468595890605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25420937362656515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760548481669204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DEADPOSUM,2019/03/06,My life is going no where in a hurry My life is crumbling beneath me and I can't stop it if I tried my family close and extended is in pieces I'm going to a counselor who doesn't understand or care about what I talk about and I fell like ending it ,2.229727272727274,3.00104465454546,4.361590909090912,88.28238636363638,75.18181818181819,7.6818181818181825,22.84090909090909,8.07648339933343,0.9830909090909086,196,5,45,3,4,68,38,55,0.094,0.82,0.086,-0.1129,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,6,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33745222687011145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293146615676022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120148428787065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37620272843774777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675564629405408,0.16169822075220067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767108680345992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660260792410516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247110690448137,0.0,0.0,0.34455782784531325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_98765321,2019/03/06,"My spouse wants to end it, I don’t know what to do My spouse has it terrible at work but we depend on her income to support us. She gets pushed to the brink everyday. My consolation isn’t helping anymore and she feels like it’s coming. She got made when I asked her to please not do anything. I hear her out and I can see why she feels that way. I don’t know what to do or say. She’s an incredible person but heavily pained.",-0.5063553113553105,1.6847270000000023,1.7609065934065953,95.94451007326008,92.1868131868132,5.231135531135532,17.473443223443226,6.816661863887847,-0.06398974358974296,331,9,78,5,12,111,59,91,0.062,0.804,0.135,0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,16,21,6,0,1,4,2,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,5,18,2,9,19,0,10,0,0,1,0,17,4,0,2,4,50,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221800097666152,0.0,0.0,0.18404439111823254,0.0,0.20908198841912806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265414549367565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980869761428239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261677021461773,0.15977516830533914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168475750495642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887284727420505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520691159292515,0.0,0.1499074712291956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458237106943756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926379457805957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116224596420725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23797871852385266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952820200580853,0.0,0.2454998686499377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778549708916364,0.0,0.0,0.17821960717891802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537946764570523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690226779401632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191420428422887,0.17752247509544264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180878728245444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281941896206478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trippyyy1,2019/03/06,"I cant deal with this anymore Today my day started like every other day waking up at 5am when I don't have to be up until 8 because I have trouble sleeping due to constant thoughts going around in my head. I think today will be different then less than two minutes later I remember who I am. A sad depressed and actively suicide trans girl that has been on hormones for over 6 months now that doesn't even fucking look like a girl so still present as a boy also because there are multiple transphobic people in my class. I struggle to get up just like every other day and when I get into college I get shown screenshots of people talking shit about me behind my back when I've never done anything to harm anyone I'd never even kill a little bug. I try act with a brave face with very little people understanding the difficulty of my situation living day to day wishing I was dead. I've now attempted suicide 3 times my latest being after a formal where I saw all the pretty girls and it made me so sad I'll never be one so I decided to go to the river and I'm sure you can guess what happened from there. I woke up in hospital with my parents concerned faces. I just think to myself if I was handed a loaded gun right this second I'd shoot myself no questions asked. I see therapists but they haven't given me anything that can help my situation it's just the same shit over and over and nothing ever helps me. I don't have many friends and none that I can open up to and my family never ask me how I'm doing and when I do all I tell them is I just want to die. I self harm on a daily basis and now have permanent scars of things from lines to shapes to words all over my arms and legs. 
I've been extremely depressed since I was a child and when puberty hit I became even more depressed and went into complete isolation. I've taken numerous drugs but even when these drugs are meant for you to forget I just end up in the same place wishing I was dead.

I'm greatly aware people have much worse scenarios than myself but everyday  I just think to  myself, why was I put on this earth to suffer, to feel pain each and every waking second of everyday.

I just can't take this pain any longer I'm just so sad every waking moment of the day and just wish I could go to sleep forever.

For the people that took the time to read my stupid story that was likely a waste of your time I greatly thank you.",5.251356181665262,5.173922892276426,6.136307821698908,81.28573170731707,68.04471544715446,8.656125595738716,28.347631062517518,8.216663640201805,1.8102117185309785,1901,56,381,23,29,630,245,492,0.196,0.743,0.061,-0.9973,2,1,2,2,0,3,18.0,0,4,2,1,36,28,5,1,18,0,36,18,13,2,9,68,75,34,6,6,13,1,2,4,1,1,4,0,0,6,18,24,0,0,10,1,0,7,12,18,0,4,18,5,58,10,61,50,10,76,0,7,3,1,23,28,3,3,45,264,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775066109513328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049108975418065054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716183113865249,0.050494714581352386,0.0,0.11885430755660525,0.06428705195961376,0.13502337563848646,0.0,0.0,0.05552921559177466,0.0,0.08804372361134677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571651464494614,0.07803923538879293,0.0,0.057658152434310835,0.0,0.0,0.27943790651289346,0.07445094743585064,0.18659715737250596,0.0,0.07494822513601708,0.07544976428913007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390146755215052,0.0,0.0,0.16749396650210546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396144496007071,0.0,0.0,0.19079046755810072,0.06532299968593504,0.2433784905379299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807828960770733,0.0,0.03651429618002286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579346962988186,0.06676201040533396,0.1131887600958946,0.0,0.12312509588406433,0.0,0.0,0.15923555458356545,0.07955344854978183,0.0,0.06385987489543145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411387536118758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680897408637568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989568450042485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112326451980542,0.14475768465704025,0.06376755636706885,0.0,0.06064278148541057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833199520877012,0.0,0.07321512126757528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764167505071127,0.0,0.053086657447586234,0.0,0.2227879963719608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929266212263666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489350509399347,0.0,0.15368463896946602,0.0,0.08018669974595044,0.0,0.0,0.2503254658310678,0.0,0.07544976428913007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346906416759602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259646300939605,0.0808978198246972,0.0,0.07223498229583139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180601570328863,0.061671590987025925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057546355733962,0.0,0.07533645328463381,0.0,0.14825622232488078,0.059737358033352964,0.16234636002460875,0.14453518579835906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051114459961613685,0.0,0.057671343486590025,0.0,0.0,0.07549525730293244,0.0,0.15798394014130793,0.0,0.0680621973507029,0.0,0.05429702338634858,0.0580440350166789,0.06311947738528316,0.06648627449194856,0.0,0.08384769158009424,0.047976729326021934,0.13881821362317073,0.0,0.05733099263625164,0.12632821101711258,0.0,0.1369035859486741,0.0,0.08023401073757486,0.049029543259380484,0.0,0.07054399134366418,0.0751788196171632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958530082476725,0.04259453741518933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694443616438953,0.06516320200131917,0.0,0.2491325753923123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359370266552405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,naunga,2019/03/06,Anyone ever notice this? The people who will tell you how much they'd miss you if you killed yourself are the same people who are content to ignore you everyday you're alive.,6.602647058823528,6.842855735294122,6.310588235294119,80.09764705882355,65.17647058823529,7.976470588235292,25.823529411764717,7.1686216300943375,1.2765176470588235,141,3,25,1,2,44,26,34,0.219,0.7140000000000001,0.066,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632640846638596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405742534123793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165517999851128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27677768647025675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286583788453438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220483385356749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290857583029971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yutoe22,2019/03/06,Gonna die when I graduate I graduate from college in less than 3 months and I plan to end my life a week or two after. Feels bad man I wasted about ~$15k of my parents cash to go to college to have it be wasted. Good looks though federal loans are forgiven so no debt here. This is the one thing I’m looking forward to :) wish me luck boys,0.9828571428571422,2.8821085555555612,2.8436507936507947,92.99500000000002,81.5,6.336507936507938,22.785714285714285,7.447530270364453,0.8160214285714291,264,9,60,4,7,88,60,72,0.222,0.616,0.162,-0.7387,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,11,5,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,3,7,2,11,9,1,8,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,6,37,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462922680027256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792111804745576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382811670289653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602990227079326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289623072213382,0.2256500160312035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002419554543756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518357192601545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473757525587792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230202669543655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29872652826392915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873190734158576,0.0,0.26432109643827906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26280370299237443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580003627140992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30937179341122795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HKGMINECRAFT,2019/03/06,"Failed suicide attempt. Should I let my peers know? So last year, I failed my suicide attempt. As of now pretty much no-one knows about this because my parents, social worker, psychiatrist, and psychologist have told me that this would negatively affect everyone's emotions, as all of my classmates were about 15-ish (Secondary 4 or Grade 10) at the time (so as me) and how they would react would be very uncertain. I have talked with my parents, social worker, psychiatrist, and psychologist about this but I'd like to ask everyone in the subreddit.

​

A year has passed and now, I think that they should be capable enough of handling the reality or truth that I wasn't hospitalized because of a car accident for up to a month, but in fact my failed suicide attempt.

​

I wanted to tell everyone on the last day of form 5 (everyone in the form would go in a room for an end of year assembly), but I'm not sure if I should it or not. But if I were to do it, how should I tell them to give life another chance when things go to shit? (especially the stress and pressure from our education system)",7.807740259740258,7.232763133333336,7.757359307359308,73.44915584415584,62.904761904761905,11.255411255411255,36.233766233766225,10.637119530657019,3.721857142857144,878,36,165,19,11,283,117,210,0.18,0.758,0.062,-0.9816,2,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,1,0,3,8,10,10,1,3,11,0,18,2,1,4,4,38,28,22,3,11,11,2,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,4,0,21,3,29,13,5,25,0,3,0,0,15,8,1,6,13,117,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285024063634751,0.25625799873540384,0.0,0.11056981493082617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857821262734168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855837540160514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800424799066056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861308292011208,0.09339427179050107,0.10895438825945368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40303447296504025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115385974711194,0.11985531467596262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590124144550805,0.17190588907952697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078261569528956,0.0744799582225673,0.05151581757867355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416636411992531,0.0,0.07751528623539114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417164620754746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727696585569196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082392832986083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149787882955061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078857193824745,0.0,0.0,0.3460239614654397,0.0,0.09938204745059348,0.0,0.0,0.08475387611316837,0.18432972018926716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005394735986659,0.06756583845517049,0.0,0.0,0.0614866830161271,0.0,0.0,0.10075861824126006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700437870690858,0.062195058392259035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299624579634898,0.0,0.25625799873540384,0.20371220308137133
suicidewatch,SteezeWhiz2k,2019/03/06,"Help. Is it too much to ask to be loved? At this point, I'm desperate. I just want to feel love and love back. I can't live always thinking I'm alone.",-2.23764705882353,-0.43708005882352907,0.2502352941176476,105.38005882352944,99.58823529411764,3.896470588235295,12.682352941176472,5.6839178017228535,-1.3874517647058822,114,2,31,1,5,38,27,34,0.101,0.516,0.383,0.9186,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,5,12,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,11,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744729057019304,0.0,0.0,0.22051153273046445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24775080448437875,0.0,0.0,0.20377816463547715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399822380389348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763221440577376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401078983898785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7175520685157811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948145945519861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505223619333559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980923458422692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563111699933711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kevin0323,2019/03/06,"Happy Deathday? My 40th birthday is coming up in two weeks. Seriously considering checking out before things get worse in the future as I grow older. Like medical bills, no retirement, no social security. I don't feel like I have any options. I'm making minimum wage at 39. I'm have no college experience or trade skills. My wife and I are separating (toxic relationship). We are living at her parent's house right now... I have nowhere to go and I feel like I've worn out my welcome. I have no money saved up. No family that would let me stay with them. I take care of my daughter by myself 90% of the time while I work. Been sleeping on the floor or in my car most nights. Day by day life only gets harder. Everything is grey and lifeless. I've been depressed since I was 12. I haven't heard good news in a long time. I do try to make my life better every day but I feel like I keep hitting a wall that I'm not allowed to pass... or like I've been walking in quicksand my whole life.",1.1547545454545478,3.4644245300000067,3.1774545454545486,88.4737272727273,83.7,5.836363636363638,21.590909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.7308499999999998,766,25,159,11,22,258,127,200,0.131,0.792,0.077,-0.7538,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,1,3,1,14,0,0,5,0,17,5,1,3,0,25,35,9,0,1,5,3,3,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,8,0,2,3,0,5,6,8,2,0,1,6,5,26,12,21,26,2,34,0,1,1,0,10,15,0,5,17,90,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909477131771321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380279828515916,0.0,0.0,0.11828206684228723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635673391144704,0.0,0.0,0.11520507542772535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25875350031232885,0.0,0.11518997361760006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126816277599665,0.0,0.1201967919670354,0.1308232777408802,0.1260780682985679,0.0,0.2028687245605184,0.2866314182172379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974714805785216,0.0,0.07600746306245497,0.1121746767564442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236860266985746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431787992222515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887416161491147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367581014479175,0.28339332413251656,0.3266927805687437,0.0,0.11809477548874688,0.11835559649675274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785448337784885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347288717520375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255058295167749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171521495408907,0.0,0.0,0.14850232380195025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435865940097411,0.0,0.11421313762946422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063102127719156,0.0,0.13383647805811408,0.13633097835301122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254893096677124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005557551806939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885084204617412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596961389041966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080060823096724,0.0,0.13064444200832498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727807486362816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931581408051026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736423472516896,0.0,0.13629237638717046,0.09500498259411123,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kqjsbakahshsaksh,2019/03/06,"Im not gonna last much longer I haven’t completely decided to do it yet, but I know that one more day of agonizing pain and loneliness will push me off the edge. My mental state gets worse and worse every day. My mom keeps on talking to me about colleges and life after high school but I know I won’t make it that long, which makes things even worse ",3.742191780821919,4.4838854109589095,4.1670136986301385,91.19134246575344,71.60273972602741,8.031780821917808,22.819178082191787,8.238735603445708,0.8255720547945207,277,6,64,4,5,87,56,73,0.306,0.6940000000000001,0.0,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,12,11,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,8,0,7,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,37,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754667019526906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302064182789904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444452094711216,0.0,0.15874545542795912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843762955953578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990678975215626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351757279308705,0.0,0.0,0.16746947394453884,0.0,0.0,0.20709290167142147,0.15358113916589344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308115143813676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673892134703364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515332935449941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898752433112161,0.0,0.0,0.22066616206501807,0.0,0.0,0.13850469028776832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767302370362354,0.0,0.20048392897471096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068326623933896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514386378719542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251727337115081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.576024569161228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrunknownnn,2019/03/06,"Decided to end it in a month or two weeks Recently, I decided to get off my antidepressants that I had been taking for 5 years. Life seemed like it was going good, not perfect but nothing that hope didn’t counteract. But the medicine made my body numb so getting off it made me feel aches and pains, my memory wasn’t that great about that type of stuff either because my brain didn’t register it as a big deal I guess. Due to this I developed full fledged hypochondria and my social anxiety is absolutely terrible. My family is very Christian although to me it’s normal, I dunno. I have no outside system from my family due to being homeschooled, but I’m adopted so I’ve never felt any love truly from my parents. I’m begging them for help, please guys, you’ve made it where you’re my only real support system I need help. They get mad at me and tell me to read the Bible. They know I’m not Christian. I’m adopted no one in my family has ever had severe anxiety or depression. I’m also lesbian and unable to come out, I feel terrible because I’m always hearing homophobic shit and I can’t say anything about it because my family are pastors and it would make them look bad. There’s more I could go into but my phones almost dead. Basically I can’t do this anymore. I’m alone. I’m under constant stress, I can’t live how I want. I don’t know how to change my situation without fucking up my college situation so I guess suicide Is my only option. I don’t want to kill myself but if I reach out for help it’ll be like it was when I was 16,everything will be blamed on demons and I’ll waste more of my life. I’m 21 now I should be happy but I’m not and no one understands. What do I do? I want help I don’t wanna do this ",1.908754774637132,3.8471995546218523,3.96578558696206,85.89824293353709,78.66386554621847,7.016348357524827,24.26355996944233,8.00094639256281,1.4137999999999995,1359,48,280,24,33,464,185,357,0.235,0.649,0.117,-0.9951,1,1,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,4,1,13,20,4,1,4,0,34,10,3,6,3,60,74,26,3,11,14,1,3,2,0,4,4,2,0,1,19,12,0,0,9,1,0,3,17,11,0,3,13,6,47,9,32,52,4,31,4,1,1,3,17,14,2,10,14,178,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926247910172202,0.09580148558598353,0.0,0.07397173949844044,0.0769669136208374,0.0,0.0,0.06290276626749393,0.0,0.14152358087353525,0.0,0.09173455286468846,0.0,0.0,0.07611912755736075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723313815573216,0.16916033333512967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274598470538657,0.0,0.10325992560972123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978521038385764,0.07968004559218902,0.0,0.09995899408541556,0.0,0.07385324688848685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953628232941723,0.0796696006277216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192701615547225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367100608709563,0.0,0.0,0.08313249940083248,0.0,0.3488008212453236,0.0,0.09354095533376218,0.0,0.08881393312981327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551420794924386,0.14498136154965285,0.0,0.10513908523001628,0.07758411098693221,0.0,0.10198091882568787,0.20379704269127252,0.09158895212448416,0.0,0.09846733496344244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425355030984723,0.0,0.2480016012433884,0.0,0.0,0.09187277883082272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233688496101144,0.0,0.10167050610604136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067012834035033,0.09038107237449676,0.0,0.08167866789033937,0.0,0.07767620230546013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348432300728885,0.2625755161831967,0.06174407005464285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383214131663486,0.0,0.0,0.06858713558263765,0.07134124232733229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062977587182612,0.08875567230729206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253599793259097,0.1406999289722377,0.09842588693516473,0.0,0.10270964093512283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153656790917903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252443507546247,0.10528457179220932,0.0,0.0,0.09133200166925963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355923825635123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420798284187259,0.0,0.1044979969598402,0.09494930836179756,0.0,0.20794641004157094,0.0,0.0942914930654297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595775409844467,0.0,0.10588968663121784,0.10117933408432324,0.10496722683715433,0.0,0.0,0.06954803968147434,0.0,0.08084855566814171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035847645549312,0.09629514113024902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763216951453622,0.16367563414776984,0.0,0.0741974419481089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916612405108185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570892225432375,0.0,0.0,0.059566583092489724
suicidewatch,MisterTibbons,2019/03/06,"Bad fight need help me and my gf got into a pretty big fight last night and into this morning. anytime we fight i just feel an overwhelming pressure in my chest and my head feels lighter. it puts me through so much stress. i havent hurt myself since i was around 15 but all i can think about is getting out of class and cutting my arm. but i dont want to hurt myself, please help me.",1.9467857142857168,3.659750250000002,2.4371428571428595,97.94500000000002,77.75,5.071428571428573,21.42857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.2456428571428569,300,8,69,1,7,92,60,80,0.163,0.6559999999999999,0.181,0.6838,0,0,0,0,3,4,6.0,1,0,0,0,4,10,4,3,2,0,5,3,3,0,1,18,12,7,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,2,2,15,0,9,10,2,9,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,43,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484726247386813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182753460007368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25652264552089643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134194787177547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435439110067093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505622624867054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463132598659027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293417772454148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686254993651352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784142683285675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090005004504346,0.16229479520108295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540158297948155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402616227409935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226769713840064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003220946501836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810576208648111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25072328586538795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024777971868888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909954273380336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheNameIsMarty,2019/03/06,"Give me some general reasons not to jump off because in the midst of this breakdown im struggling to find enough of them, mind mind keeps fuxkin going throught the steps of opening up the balcony door and jumping off, seeing the shitty sights as im falling and i need to keep my mind on something at this point so i can my shit for thursday so i can breakdown for another fucking day and womder the same thing",4.450740740740741,5.8899033950617286,4.388580246913584,87.64361111111117,70.60493827160494,6.387654320987655,32.01851851851852,6.42735559955562,1.7184962962962955,329,15,63,2,6,101,57,81,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.8971,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,16,9,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,15,9,3,15,0,0,2,1,2,8,2,1,2,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940261029218998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279606732067494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193327421956617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911913786185392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911931064096367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710625564494673,0.0,0.17750313875915533,0.10516007300728353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997406946789847,0.0,0.0,0.3289365283467453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5605000372735026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720165377987306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491857950221584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902475544260112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744952505827344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993652412846204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424495497205225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343952699510286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292952112684942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,syedwafihasan,2019/03/06,Does suicide rule out organ donation? Asking particularly for India. Will committing suicide rule me out as an organ donor? I wish to be useful for once,3.401666666666668,6.601883148148152,5.398055555555558,68.38375000000002,87.88888888888891,7.144444444444447,25.26851851851852,8.07648339933343,2.746562962962963,123,5,17,3,4,42,22,27,0.251,0.564,0.185,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012843346382251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28202569222587204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432131699519383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7050347551143878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27834278543575536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706012229800679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Schiz0idberg,2019/03/06,"It’s Time to Go I knew it would end this way many years ago, in fact I hadn’t planned to make it past the age of 15 and here I am at 25.

My boyfriend just admitted he is no longer physically attracted to me after some weight gain. He told me he’d mentioned his psychological/sexual issues regarding weight when we met, as though that somehow made things okay. 
I am trying to lose weight but am severely depressed and have a tendency to binge eat emotionally. I want to get it under control and slim down again. 

He couldn’t even stay hard while I performed oral sex. I am beyond heartbroken. He is my best friend and soulmate, it feels as though he’s dropped an anvil on my heart. 

I want to die so desperately. I can’t do this anymore. ",3.1947747747747783,4.842886675675679,4.129459459459458,87.42342342342344,74.13513513513513,7.906306306306307,25.84684684684685,8.59863814320734,1.6161873873873875,580,20,125,11,12,187,106,148,0.174,0.677,0.149,-0.8047,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,0,6,10,6,0,0,3,1,13,6,1,3,1,20,24,12,1,4,2,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,4,1,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,5,17,4,17,16,2,20,0,2,0,1,13,6,0,2,10,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444405538131152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041336961794974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916564589865492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010795696222775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063096414943898,0.0,0.15740688200188593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519367907622572,0.0,0.17060548265609227,0.13433235545242705,0.0,0.0,0.10017492929118936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668762668842319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171779061421191,0.0,0.07923998988199425,0.0,0.08619611473619009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358642568506702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797266746043552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830142754370452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967709672234488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435114212145826,0.10123920966339052,0.15376700293041032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447837555277463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134106342939562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165733618864175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076112353764646,0.0,0.2980250258385376,0.0,0.08843851769668344,0.0,0.0,0.14492476102647842,0.0,0.10297225206373707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891479918756953,0.12038657305829915,0.0,0.5540703335996138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774021458212388,0.0,0.0,0.09766887393875127
suicidewatch,21sttimelucky,2019/03/06,"Feeling... Lost Hello.  


I don't know if this is the right place, but I want to try and vent. I just hope none of my friends read this, because they will know who it is and they have been good to me (at least in their efforts and intents, within their means)  
I am feeling extremely lost in my life. More so than ever before. I have never been happy to be alive, not since I have had an understanding of that concept anyway. When I was younger I felt suicidal occasionally, but it passed. Always. I have just existed and accepted that I exist - whatever.

Now, I am in a low and it seems that I just keep falling further. I haven't had a 'win' in two years. Family deaths, ended relationships, injuries while trying to achieve things. Nothing.

Everything I have worked for has been absolutely zero worth. I used to have some direction, I even got an advanced degree to support that. In essence I was living my life for others, in an attempt to help and I had come to terms with that - all part of the accepting I exist. Not people so much, don't care about them in general\*, but the planet. But after two years I haven't found meaningful work in my field. I cannot understand why, as I never recive feedback on most of the triple figure worth of applications I have submitted. 

When I do get somewhere the feedback is somehow always net positive. I am fed up of explaining to people how that is not a good thing. I am fed up trying to improve on something where I am told there isn't much to improve. I am fed up having no 'success' (i don't care about money, and yes I am priviledged and aware I can say that without concerns).

I live with family. 'Temporarily'. They are simultaneously supportive and the least supportive and most toxic people I have ever faced. Sure I get to live here for free, which I truly appreciate. But that's where it ends. I get attacked, made to feel worthless and everything else on a daily basis. I don't think they even realise - emotional intelligence = 0. I am asked to help with things (not a problem!), but when I am busy or ask for a delay it's not good enough (massive problem). 'Drop everything, and do this for me.' Recently I agreed to help someone out, driving them somewhere. Scheduled my whole week around it. Application deadlines and other commitments in account - all scheduled out. Their prospective plans changed and I got yelled at and called inconsiderate when I asked to stick to the original arrangement as I would otherwise not be able to finish what I was doing in time (glad I stood my ground, as I interviewed - albeit unsuccesfully yet again).

This is where the worst part of the cycle begins. I did something else between my basic and advanced degree. It was ok for a while. I went back to my discipline as I had fresh motivation and a desire to return to the original plan. I swore to myself I wouldn't let myself fall back into mediocracy. I set the bar high, but at that point I felt ok. Not happy, but ok. Confident in my abilities and prospects. I said that the advanced degree would be a way back to the original intent, plan, whatever. I later set the post degree expectation low, any job that is justifyably degree related. I adjusted my degree expectations mid-way as shit started going wrong. I underperformed to my initial goals, but accepted that a range of personal life events and an injury made it harder. I accepted that I had still done objectively well - even if not as well as I had wanted. What I am saying is I have been generous with myself and gave myself every chance to 'succeed'.

And now, nothing. Nothing. Nothing has happened. My life has been at standstill. I volunteer with a bunch of places that are supposed to help me open doors. Nope. I am selling out my integrity in the process, as I hate volunteering (I enjoy the work I do, it's the premise I don't like) and despise that my discipline effectively needs it - it perpetuates the low salaries that sweep the industry, if the low bar for most work is free - not even minimum wage. As I said before, I don't care about the money - but some people desperately need it (again, I realise I am privileged in that sense) and this is becoming a tangent. Don't get me wrong, I am not wealthy per se but far from the breadline due to my family (and partially the aforementioned family deaths).  
When I consider doing 'something else' I end up not sleeping. Googling efficient ways to kill myself, feeling like I failed\*\*. Not failed to meet the high bar I set, but that I have failed to meet the extremely low revised goal. I have no hard preferences, except one. I don't care where it is (I mean, I do have a preference on where but not one that I am trying to enforce. If that makes sense), or what. As long as it specifically degree-related, however spuriously (I think that's reasonable, but maybe it's not. I might add that the common response to telling someone my discipline is surprise that I haven't found anything. It is supposed to be an employable area - albeit not a profitable one). Moving back into a retail/sales type position is the worst possible scenario in my head. I get it, it's important and I value and appreciate those who do it. But I cannot anymore. Stand there and smile, promising to look into an issue that a blind rat (I love rats actually) could see is one they caused themselves. Then reading reviews how you (unnamed, but you reconise their name and/or the situation afterall) were unhelpful, condescending and rude. Fuck that.  Rather be dead than deal with that shit on a daily basis again - I don't have the strength that other people do.

And here lies the problem. I mentioned at the beginning that I felt suicidal in my teens but it always passed. I used to think I had good mental strength. I could work through anything eventually - happily providing a shoulder for those who needed it as well. Gave me a purpose even, I suppose. I didn't mind. For a year now, I have avoided being the support person I was known for - or that I strived to be at least. I hate that, I cannot even be a friend to my friends - because all I want to do is rant and rave about how much I hate my life - more than ever before. Typing this I feel like an entitled shit, despite having worked hard for my 'achievements'. Now I am in this cycle of 'want to give up and kill myself', 'somehow get out of it', 'get another rejection with no information on what to improve', 'have another pointless series of fights with family' (I am in the early stages of this at the moment), 'start to lose hope', 'want to give up and kill myself'.  


Basically, it isn't passing - not for very long anyway. I wanted to post here a month ago, but somehow the account creation didn't really work the way I thought and I ended up moving on - but here I am now. I have no idea if this will help. I am actually afraid of reading the same copy/paste responses I hear all the time - assuming that people even want to respond. But I guess there is no harm in trying, hopefully before I hit the linking part of the cycle again. Before one time I fall that bit further I guess? Idk. I feel like I should be apologising for wasting time and space here now.  


So. Thank you for reading this, i guess.

​

\*I am not saying there aren't people I care for - but rather I am referring to humanity as a whole.  
\*\*this is how I know this place even exists  
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suicidewatch,Tragxei,2019/03/06,"I've been on this road for a while, I'm tired of it not being under my control. I'm taking control this morning. I feel like I'm dying. Absolutely exhausted from feeling like I'm dying without any control. I'd rather feel like this from my own hands. Honestly for as verbose as I am I actually don't have much else to add. I feel absolutely worthless and pathetic that I can't escape myself, I'm just tired of fighting. Thank you all",2.3903651685393257,4.33234605617978,4.658862359550561,81.47570926966293,77.20224719101124,7.146629213483148,27.97893258426966,8.07648339933343,2.01386404494382,345,15,67,6,8,120,57,89,0.207,0.639,0.155,-0.7188,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,1,0,3,2,8,1,0,1,0,6,4,1,3,1,14,17,4,2,1,4,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,5,9,5,12,15,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.16099359033918453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112189903405967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551066377867918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34243981133295354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781697420043046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33366897407244195,0.3535784463351723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417980411935184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212769543752176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404204643017562,0.0,0.0,0.15188850204214288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792331998040845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903177933121904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway122998443,2019/03/06,"I couldn’t do it again. I wrote out my suicide note and had the noose ready. It was 1am so I knew I wouldn’t be found. I had the noode ready. But I couldn’t find out how to cut off the carotid arteries so that I passed out in a few seconds. I tried so many positions and it didn’t work. My ears were ringing and there was so much pressure in my face and neck that now I have these tiny red dots under my eyes from where the capillaries broke a little. 

But I couldn’t do it. I spend 2 hours trying. My BPD is getting so bad I can barely function, I don’t want to do this anymore.",0.3515364583333316,1.9589306640625035,2.0293750000000017,99.51145833333337,82.203125,5.204166666666667,19.260416666666664,5.985473137389443,-0.4357520833333329,447,11,114,3,12,146,79,128,0.13699999999999998,0.812,0.051,-0.9068,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,1,1,6,0,18,4,4,1,0,19,23,12,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,9,4,18,0,10,9,2,13,0,1,2,0,1,9,0,0,3,79,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746527134865337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312355628619133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34879960001075666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531205845799243,0.0,0.0,0.303653344904662,0.0,0.0,0.14469111551063893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727327456482881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775693123683772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28077640110583035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358472903974367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029303330884479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37605179000989136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334796303207125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20161756327781916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Avery3343,2019/03/06,Ibuprofen and Tylenol Is it possible to overdose when taking 160 tablets of ibuprofen or would you need to add tylenol to get the full effect of the liver failure? ,14.451,9.280292766666673,11.450000000000005,66.40500000000003,54.66666666666666,13.333333333333336,56.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,5.846666666666668,133,8,22,1,1,39,24,30,0.102,0.898,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,1,0,6,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937374116944814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168799520071281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6338200129851264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227204299802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993858632982024,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrroawayz23,2019/03/06,"No bright future ahead I'm 21, a failure, a liar and a disappoinent. 

I don't know how I will recover from what I've done. I't feels like the easier way out is to take my life. How do you recover to tell your parents that you've wasted thousands of dollars to someone who's failed university 2 years in a row. 

lied to them saying this is my graduating year and not even in school (academic suspension). they are paying for rent for housing and tuition that doesn't exist. thousands of dollars wasted because of me 

I don't know if I'm depressed, insane of fucking stupid.

I'm broke, my head hurts, I feel like im about to get an anxiety attack. spent the tuition money they gave me on weed and food. Wasting my days away playing games and doing nothing. 2 months left til graduation and here I fucking am. 

All I wanted was my mom to be happy. She puts her back for this family and is severely depressed because of so much stress. How the fuck am I supposed to live and tell her what I've done. How fucking hard is it to imagine your mom breaking because her son killed himself. 
",3.1631524547803638,4.968043953488376,4.3808914728682185,84.92813307493543,74.5813953488372,7.010335917312663,28.22351421188631,7.793537801064563,1.7887622739018092,850,35,166,12,18,279,133,215,0.261,0.6729999999999999,0.066,-0.9929,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,3,2,9,19,8,1,8,0,17,7,1,4,1,22,33,15,1,2,2,4,3,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,9,1,0,5,2,8,1,5,14,0,2,5,5,25,5,25,26,2,17,0,5,1,4,21,6,4,1,10,106,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304540970725153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383698885601498,0.1142739059725346,0.09352474863135776,0.0,0.22243067090631627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844026994372068,0.0,0.20951676281406648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489362078194784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033442544375549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466045134908627,0.0,0.12299796909767385,0.173782737564307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470735703391986,0.0,0.0,0.4497740639583488,0.06354583032282594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947571659653992,0.10895517560800888,0.0,0.1248258504893698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034286852503608,0.13020574103442428,0.0,0.13137956700390782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456382788773505,0.0,0.13368759944300193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214963608311553,0.0,0.08590975124344538,0.11884300633094536,0.0,0.10740012471830147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848994750344327,0.09708264581728963,0.0,0.08941088471273008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116705750980879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350539685712585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227015782814588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672380276233407,0.0,0.12309445621624555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374054963943278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030553670276221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932494614533306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914494362926208,0.0,0.2126172031529904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717395944165764,0.0965429798275062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664943169165302
suicidewatch,Tisabella2,2019/03/06,"I don’t know if I can carry on Long story short, I have fucked up badly in my life and I went from graduating with a first class degree to messing up my postgrad and not having a job. 

My fiancé is the sole provider and I feel incredibly guilty, he works so hard and I’m a loser sitting at home unable to get out of bed.

I’ve been anxious and depressed since I was 16 and I’m 23 now, nearly 24 and not seeing any signs of it getting better for me,

I want to die, but I don’t want to hurt my family. I’m so so close to ending it but I know that’s just one more selfish thing I would be doing.",0.8765909090909076,2.0903462045454546,3.3930303030303044,92.10954545454544,79.37878787878788,5.70909090909091,19.575757575757574,6.11248444174946,-0.1464787878787881,457,10,109,3,11,160,91,132,0.199,0.7659999999999999,0.035,-0.9646,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,1,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,0,23,24,13,1,4,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,10,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,3,3,15,1,17,19,1,15,0,3,1,1,1,9,1,1,4,71,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464188741603727,0.0,0.0,0.243240162154532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797757047527277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904250965241891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544706252045512,0.0,0.22345884130779425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907016524168648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297606362721088,0.0,0.1088677190253626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831434401566644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905156474993796,0.22498223837582426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287637887796769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597450436295187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304948957192645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136629602737534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366586069690025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208053805316182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905434736537303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459003166856955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715750032834021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781074973382791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430430717401811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253992031420786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959546887400853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674898393739958,0.0,0.0,0.15295076814040484,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hlmgcc,2019/03/06,"My time is winding down. Health is failing. I'm good with it. I have a few days to do whatever, but I don't know what I want to do, so throwing it out to you. Any suggestions?",-1.5884615384615373,0.3069891282051316,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,93.6153846153846,5.171282051282052,20.620512820512825,6.742157984588678,0.2335189743589745,132,5,34,2,5,46,30,39,0.098,0.847,0.055,-0.1363,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35345269438490057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352003719939339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43594764899805855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524775598165272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856449442131069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030745817895001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065662414520461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apollo3494,2019/03/06,"I’m finally taking action tomorrow! I’ve never felt better! 

Goodbye world, I won’t miss you!!",0.9333333333333336,3.440703444444445,4.450000000000003,73.84500000000001,97.88888888888887,6.844444444444445,22.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.4415333333333336,74,3,11,2,3,27,16,18,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.6339,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386988982371535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762673181853308,0.5433774524435971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825695018999525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729534001802223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zackhayford__,2019/03/06,"Fuck I’m so sick of waking up pissed off and alone every friken day. What’s the point, You know? I fucked my head up with too much crystal meth a year ago. Now im just going to school and working and i hate my life more than ever. Is it okay to rant on reddit? I’m new. Anyways fuck off I’m gonna rant anyways. I’m stoned so I don’t feel like ranting. I came off pretty strong their didn’t I? Am i insomniac or should I just go to bed? Haha been clean for a year and I’m still a fuckin crazy person. Oh yeah forgot to ask what’s the suicide hotline for? Do they just send cops to your house or what. What the hell does a dioxide hotline do?",-1.4613380281690134,0.5286371619718331,0.7240704225352097,102.5172323943662,96.39436619718307,3.1216901408450703,14.14225352112676,4.406508900861427,-1.4706969014084508,495,10,123,1,20,163,93,142,0.258,0.625,0.117,-0.9778,0,1,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,2,2,2,11,11,7,0,7,3,8,9,3,0,1,16,25,8,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,4,1,13,4,16,19,2,19,1,0,0,4,7,7,6,2,9,68,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585008431886757,0.0,0.0,0.1851892226379367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671595918476949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045065749826024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531515976051827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647444683657025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174037886600726,0.15065187398274593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040975041833707,0.12773913297485098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959101499654502,0.0,0.0,0.2032392853149992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653403223000308,0.18350667204169333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20631826377988502,0.0,0.0,0.1931413006252172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826717130646516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629605554305387,0.0873556418871702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314430771640036,0.0,0.0,0.1726920718288404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612661336789016,0.0,0.0,0.1690295854201383,0.0,0.0,0.18191011329133036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096134669596192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427948041284013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955848817112845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017299014785735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302905670120457
suicidewatch,lonelyfag33,2019/03/06,"dont know what to do im 19 and i have never touched a girl. have had acne since i was 12 which made me super anxious and shy, i dont see value in myself what so ever. i have a big gamble addiction and i have gambled away around 40,000 krones (sweden) without my parents knowing. i have nothing left on my bank account and I graduate in july and will be expected to take care of myself. everything i once thought was fun I never enjoy anymore. I have a good girlfriend that im kinda into but i dont wanna take the step to say it and ruin the friendship. i dont deserve her in that way. im so fucking stuck and dont know what to do, im crying every night and honestly i just wanna tell my parents everything but i wouldnt be able to handle their dissapointment and they would probably kick me out. i have thought about suicide few times but what keeps me from thinking about it more is my sister and grandma's reactions if I did it. need help",1.8691893424036288,3.77143198469388,3.948503401360544,86.14808390022678,78.64285714285714,6.192290249433108,25.174603174603178,7.1686216300943375,1.2011324263038556,743,28,149,9,18,254,113,196,0.129,0.769,0.102,-0.7383,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,1,7,8,1,0,5,0,24,2,0,1,3,37,39,16,1,7,6,3,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,10,13,0,1,6,0,4,1,9,2,0,0,8,3,28,6,20,26,2,17,0,1,1,1,11,10,1,2,5,109,38,1,0.10143246980256368,0.0,0.0,0.11057636407966204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458981927223795,0.10059375432644928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029640305668836,0.0,0.0,0.09529914433223506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341716308345507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141880517626708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943904958949414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175147605490784,0.08546123055521028,0.0,0.18232192691027044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377268387142693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507674323945633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798804640395892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382578931439061,0.0,0.0,0.09015783970098636,0.0,0.0,0.16723389814570747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020667522788656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959778554617031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521089111244289,0.15646194765030144,0.0,0.0,0.0951875016857602,0.0,0.0973271904243984,0.0,0.0,0.10802226994203327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252575079844894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936135816468487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066317118823048,0.0,0.0,0.08082854592650733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839059871949018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109506588079745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525291877298155,0.0,0.08865644942452107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499383098586146,0.0,0.16105210181282398,0.05914608884018946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051237323643139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777728126354553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205471630800919,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ellabi88,2019/03/06,"Suicide Committing suicide is a gesture of love somebody does for himself.

People wanna save themselves from the pain, from the suffering life brings

in their path.

They feel too alive to be alive in this life, and they can not accept this

human world they see it as a silly game.

They see death as the end of their pain, and nobody can understand what

they went trough in their life, the terrible feelings they had to face alone,

and they didn’t want to live this atrocity anymore, they felt alone and

nobody understood them, everybody was busy with his thoughts.

Suicide doesn’t have to be judged, suicide has to be understood.

The gesture itself is the consequence of a long trig, almost everybody

understood, but it would be uncomfortable to make public the truth, so the

easiest thing to do is to cover the reasons that push somebody to commit

suicide giving the fault to the victim.

## What’s depression?

Everybody talks about depression, but what’s depression?

Depression is a sane reaction if you are aware of what is surrounding you,

it doesn’t have to be cured it has to be cured what’s behind it: “society”,

human behaviour.

If people do not understand that acting to reach their material interests

doesn’t bring anywhere, suicide will be the only solution for the sane

minds, in fact, intelligence finds its place at the cemetery.

Every government should guarantee to its citizens the possibility to opt for

a sweet death, dying is our right, we have been brought on earth without

having the possibility to choose, nobody asked us if we wanted to come to

hell.

We have the right to dislike life, die in peace, and be happy with our

decision without being judged, we have the right to choose independently

what to do about ourselves, life doesn’t have to be a rape, but a free choice.

Suicide should be supported as human right to prevent suicide itself, if

people had the possibility to decide to die without pain they would be more

chilled regarding life and able to enjoy it more, instead of seeing it as a

conviction, a cage they are forced to stay in for the rest of their life like

slaves, this pushes people to kill themselves.

### Do not feel obliged

People feel obliged to live their life, they feel used and they can not stand

these miserable human conditions anymore, they want to get rid of life, of

humans and be part of nature again to feel free.

Somebody who wants to commit suicide is somebody who is suffering, and

can’t stand life anymore, somebody who deserves the right to choose for a

happy death, somebody who suffers doesn’t deserve a painful death.

Somebody who wants to die doesn’t want to hurt himself, but save himself

from life.

He is trying to stop suffering, feeling obliged to hurt his body.

It’s a human right to choose for a sweet death in order to rest eternally in

peace.

#### Understand it

Suicide is a brave act cowards can not understand, it’s a form of

communication people want to give to make humans who are still on earth

think about life and create more enjoyable life conditions.

People who committed suicide want to give a better human condition to

people who are alive, that condition they were waiting for and they

never received that brought them to kill themselves.

Gone souls I feel your pain, I respect you, I understand, I am able to smile

you back and celebrate your choice.

Happy eternal death to everybody who is not on earth anymore.

[https://ellabi.com/suicide/](https://ellabi.com/suicide/)",8.567835147024772,8.965860059967586,7.502971058115307,72.66841815235011,61.04213938411671,10.617068765918036,35.94299606390368,10.290406445055957,3.7348310164389904,2775,113,460,55,35,848,236,617,0.253,0.581,0.166,-0.9985,0,2,0,0,0,16,90.0,7,6,23,1,11,44,5,1,37,0,64,22,2,5,7,95,112,25,23,17,17,0,9,1,0,5,18,0,0,9,39,19,0,3,28,1,2,12,18,23,0,0,15,14,45,23,92,79,7,46,2,11,3,2,69,21,1,5,10,317,84,1,0.08547891377657743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279739237186464,0.08853037558095253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954422719410986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039955622787963455,0.0,0.0,0.03286400419786333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377995764325675,0.0,0.0474739016820294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681625769911852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472457263645736,0.0,0.17742723424008322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037401586739058884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0378544730601333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03600983576604376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288282863769444,0.0,0.04103658105461753,0.0,0.0390630893053499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022329602218100552,0.12299874452626773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649083978366458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150694511477146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945697533390715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39244585062931203,0.020880339782262537,0.0,0.07547944691101523,0.03782307441386112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0385740285014859,0.0,0.05705783870050889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315466780756744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03296330395618904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032505282877231256,0.2273889774245155,0.0,0.0,0.04628266688034737,0.0,0.2370412640548201,0.0,0.04465363581856648,0.0,0.0,0.14454694776043506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439432799276537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189955759490414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217344093148692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555457437722826,0.0341317854797945,0.03573209970480523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610003472948033,0.04850022919135148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034352356504953434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028394196049181895,0.027385718230384062,0.0,0.03393035472563985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029017285735516107,0.0,0.0,0.22246640954305444,0.05141030426608261,0.036913168266701775,0.0,0.0,0.20167071211085932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396199047237393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359793383770372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060721767837032335,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PenelopeNew,2019/03/06,"I have no legitimate reason to feel this way I have a great job, I have a loving fiance, a wonderful rescue dog. I dont stress over money. I dont want for anything.
But I'm still struggling not cutting my arm open or stringing myself up. 
AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH.
I have no legitimate reason to feel the way I do. NONE. Nothing major going on, no life changing event. FUCKING NOTHING. 
WHY DO I STILL WANT TO FUCKING DIE. ",0.4975792811839312,2.9086250581395383,2.963742071881608,87.7390803382664,89.11627906976744,4.52262156448203,21.77167019027484,6.11248444174946,0.4834790697674416,329,12,64,3,11,113,57,86,0.198,0.591,0.211,0.3228,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,2,4,0,8,6,2,2,0,12,18,4,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,0,2,11,2,8,18,3,11,0,0,0,3,1,5,3,2,3,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372372547367829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642023144452415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308062074506972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909056965339869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686475440195738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083518037197932,0.0,0.0,0.09477906464200392,0.0,0.0,0.18386418478884325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549319587436934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779437222279793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051616683921454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259491946118935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200400530232404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429340574473961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26636499828370963,0.0,0.19103412975388864,0.17434390172130906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673018174321635,0.26474805331640394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048371634760313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808546274916661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mistercellalvarez,2019/03/06,"Fuck you Helen!! I can't stand it! I can't be alone.  It almost killed me last time.  Now what the hell am I supposed to do?!! It's too late for me. I try, I give, I'm not perfect, but fuck do I try. She doesn't care, she's a heartless woman,  coldhearted,  emotionless.  I'm on the edge,  I can't anything.  There's nothing  at all. Nothing!! I want to die. ",-2.564565434565438,-0.9420167272727262,0.5122077922077928,101.93996003996008,105.88311688311687,3.4081918081918086,16.312687312687313,5.369823440869387,-0.8373888111888109,260,8,66,2,13,90,50,77,0.201,0.633,0.165,0.3708,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,5,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,2,6,15,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,13,2,5,14,1,7,1,0,0,2,5,2,3,1,4,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322864938152122,0.24025307851889774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089322694703847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365109590265996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075035805250186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42890883353727305,0.0,0.2225287221662795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566426972142331,0.0,0.0,0.18908817679009784,0.2616745696698355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451668651568642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352647643503539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31498758171856994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682312176408765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caruas,2019/03/06,"I don’t have the motivation to do anything Sick and tired of everything and everyone, no hope, no plans. Fuck it",3.12409090909091,5.2961132272727305,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,75.81818181818181,9.854545454545457,29.181818181818183,10.125756701596842,3.2855636363636367,89,4,18,3,2,30,19,22,0.435,0.401,0.16399999999999998,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,12,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489887092894152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052347455001726,0.3811434076676317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920629940959877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42121558052329866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874273566433608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depresseddiabla,2019/03/06,"In Need of a Friend I am nervous to post on this subreddit. I have constant, calm, suicidal thoughts. Sometimes they peak. I am at a peak right now, and wish for a stranger to speak to. Please comment or get in touch if you would be willing for a phone call.",1.7948076923076923,3.8560027115384656,2.308307692307693,97.03669230769232,79.57692307692308,5.6984615384615385,27.707692307692305,6.742157984588678,1.0231107692307693,199,9,45,2,5,61,41,52,0.118,0.695,0.187,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,1,4,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,10,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,2,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062999736615839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241578975938448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317538572050876,0.0,0.15672044248487688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224218228272037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292738255670022,0.0,0.0,0.2872855878359024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25617028634410155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966751574439083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281153488668894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381403911423302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34494739071089325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308803961070227,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bogehippo,2019/03/06,Hi! Whadup ... am not a catch as a lady,-5.573333333333334,-5.3895188888888885,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,126.7777777777778,1.8,4.5,3.1291,-3.0292666666666666,26,0,8,0,2,10,8,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckingkillme4200,2019/03/06,I fucking hate my life Ive had OCD and depression my whole life and ive never felt normal and when i seemed normal i was just faking it to fit in socially. The insect population is dying the earth is getting warming and in 500 years tops we will all be dead. what is the fucking point.,1.5283615819209049,3.7131391525423725,3.4450000000000003,87.87789548022602,81.20338983050847,5.967231638418079,21.69774011299436,7.1686216300943375,0.7423536723163839,226,7,46,3,6,76,42,59,0.214,0.679,0.107,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,3,0,9,4,0,0,2,12,15,5,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,8,1,3,10,2,8,0,1,0,2,2,5,2,1,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155766608244324,0.0,0.2428716956059528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246920900343828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326881027477098,0.12226371844534666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23104238383099654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33058488918557466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048759107141424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585720515321378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212207915953132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303940716896816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385498750333123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612705433476138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506986525604666
suicidewatch,kingsneak2017,2019/03/06,if denied from military service with the Marines? If I am denied from military service because of my bad leg  I'm probably going just stop with everything I'm so tired I don't want to continue anymore if that happens  is there anything I can do to guarantee me a spot in the Marines even I am a janitor I would love to talk with someone privately :) ,2.475093167701864,4.887422347826089,4.5006625258799176,80.35173913043481,79.14492753623189,8.580538302277432,34.494824016563136,9.23628265651192,3.795143271221532,278,17,51,8,7,95,47,69,0.217,0.6629999999999999,0.12,-0.7599,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,7,3,1,0,0,10,13,4,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,10,12,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,36,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951281064174946,0.0,0.0,0.2448902106853029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24847420197494624,0.18140735887450005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655458332799045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674536078691173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912656226804654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631567763756693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26858549363651835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208510385808573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521460085627826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487975461913374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391905898318389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420345268625379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552557338623845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113985318951475,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,T_T___T_T,2019/03/06,"... I am 14 (turning 15 in a few months) and I want to kill myself nobody notices that i am suicidal...........or do they? Well I've tried to so many times before but they where all failures because i wasn't 100% committed. the reason why i want to do it is because first of all i have always been suicidal ever since i was 6-10 i remember being in my room trying to hang myself at the age of 10 or younger because i thought that i was worthless and useless (back then i didn't even know that suicidal was a thing and what i was doing and thinking was apart of it). Now it has come back but worse than before because every single week i am bound to have a break down or get into a fight with my parents or siblings. Now i am done with the world and i just want to do it i just want to let go and forget about everything and everyone because they all remind me of something that just fucks (sorry for my language) me over and makes everything worse!!! BRUHH I AM DONE!! NOTHING can fucking keep me happy or stop me from ending it anymore now i just want to do it and i know that nobody would care in my family but my friends  i think..............................I hope will!???....

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Well all i got to say is that i know it is selfish but nothing can keep me numb any more from the pain because right now i am looking for something that will last in make me feel nothing and right now the only option is to let go.......",4.118563685636854,4.285430777003484,5.100807200929154,86.8911101432443,70.49825783972125,7.632133178474642,28.487998451413088,7.1686216300943375,1.3926532713898565,1071,36,231,9,18,352,140,287,0.2,0.71,0.09,-0.992,1,0,2,0,1,2,80.0,0,0,3,1,18,15,4,0,9,0,36,4,0,3,6,55,62,20,3,7,12,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,16,14,0,4,8,0,0,4,2,9,2,1,12,3,39,6,30,44,7,36,0,2,1,2,7,14,2,6,17,174,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711901038115689,0.10042111894217476,0.11261901080357754,0.06302707041994507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191583242552433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253377317172267,0.0,0.33898923287525456,0.0,0.1577314421866965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449567416535556,0.0,0.0,0.07983750385869018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896921269439997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208891473180438,0.0,0.0,0.061215715314105315,0.08383635101727188,0.07808874615714004,0.0885618085855932,0.16659356034171627,0.0,0.08737252440408269,0.0,0.04686290229191896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883542723503006,0.0,0.0,0.07160603350812457,0.17136639057821673,0.04842262127291942,0.0,0.10534685391261177,0.0,0.07412641756487948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866191938862824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205433154437644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476038579711802,0.10253911612673593,0.0,0.15280713062904752,0.07554835858776708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954764642995267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782970071365647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237321689414801,0.0939651981059006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397804335393146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667931956231979,0.10551929265145883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048898528328428,0.0986203894535866,0.0,0.10291260871575604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529273207123258,0.0,0.0,0.10499085897462322,0.15830017527180926,0.0,0.07370460100125062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666766898347066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270256262836406,0.0,0.10375012866083036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748646457702822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275855555405786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061573931689837165,0.11877401569489986,0.0,0.07357930967546049,0.054043732902318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258502523972419,0.1008116131772144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733317979369381,0.0,0.07434406586757507,0.0,0.16666484695245015,0.0,0.0836312646794795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890214837014174,0.0658387717406654,0.0,0.11261901080357754,0.0
suicidewatch,transandwant2die,2019/03/06,"i hate existence im 14. mtf transgender. out to parents, they're supportive. i still have so much paranoia, mistrust and social anxiety of just human/face-to-face interaction in general of everyone i know, them included, so even though they're supportive i cant just fucking tell them what i need them to help me with. ive been to a therapist but i couldnt really open up to him like i wanted to so i havent been since then; i feel completely alone in this world, separated thousands of miles from people  i actually trust/consider friends, and am separated from them during school where the homophobic+transphobic comments get to me and i have nobody to go to for help since i dont have a phone to talk to the people that actually provide me solace/a feeling of safety. eventually i'll just collapse under the pressure and give up on my existence, waiting until i can find a way to do the deed.",4.7444819919964445,6.344967832369942,6.310982658959535,73.51844375277905,70.09826589595376,9.947354379724324,31.22676745220098,10.214889679676881,3.4350172521120506,717,31,131,20,13,245,105,173,0.093,0.778,0.129,0.7245,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,0,10,7,2,1,7,0,13,1,0,0,0,20,26,11,0,3,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,2,23,4,27,23,1,16,0,0,0,1,16,11,1,0,4,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.31437954685909786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682916466602646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322491991257326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888816515471772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878327467812514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639109626874864,0.0,0.0,0.15391779471362774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289266648571488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722319916347512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444916089432236,0.1489148502446239,0.08415707853772747,0.1545215614387167,0.09154485264704522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903206845700993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593558658408102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399285653253865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852475251868447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869501560246693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841152769065424,0.11943796556074532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885905939292687,0.0,0.0,0.2233436592476904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031912699311473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302044944132768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664922662315605,0.0,0.0,0.1641996564771388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863782002025614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365580860535504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946912068142066,0.1407900610733765,0.0,0.0,0.18702502155341866,0.0,0.0,0.15825920436797794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500851040751727,0.1278569356059106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadanongurl,2019/03/06,"Carbon monoxide poisoning/OD Going to sit in my car with a hose hooked up to the exhaust and take all my lorazepam and quetiapine and have some Jager and coke and pass out and hopefully never wake up again and I’ll be doing so within the next 24 hours as i am just waiting until i can get one more prescription of pills 

I can’t do this anymore, I’ve been drunk for the last few days after i quit my job from a mental breakdown

The anxiety alone is so difficult to deal with
Being lonely is hard
Having such bad depression that I cannot get out of bed and shower is horrible 
Binge eating because i quit all drugs cold turkey after weed gave me such bad anxiety and i can no longer get my hands on anything better like meth, now I’m just going to go back to the fat fuck that everyone at school and home use to bully for so long

My family does not care for me
I don’t have any friends and most people end up hating me anyway because I’m such shit person 

I tried to make tinder to have someone to talk to because all i am is a good and easy fuck but someone just said i was ugly and had a big forehead and its really has pushed me over the edge

The amount of pain i am in from so many mental health issues just isn’t fair and no one wants to help or even seems to care, I’m tired of trying and getting worse

Hopefully this will be the least painful way and i am scared shitless to be honest but I’d rather die then live another day on his shit planet

Its either now or in 60 or so years when I’ve fucked up even more and gone through even more shit in my life and I simply cannot handle it anymore, thinking about everything that I’ve done\that has happened to me is udder shit and I’m angry at the wrong people which for it which makes me that much more depressed and anxious 

I don’t think my brain was made to be a normal person i over think way too much and that is definitely a big result of my suicide, I’m always just looking for whats next and i can never calm down and just live in the moment after nearly 23 years of living on earth and doing all that you really can do i am done and i am tired and i am depressed and lonely. 

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suicidewatch,ainttakingyerjerbs,2019/03/06,Quit a job in my field after one month for the umpteenth time I’m really bad at stuff ,0.17684210526315525,2.1284227368421083,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,84.78947368421052,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.5113368421052629,68,1,17,1,2,22,19,19,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.5849,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34171485134631713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061272172932584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266672803547301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773250428705471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352981908225752,0.0,0.0,0.26218231765751376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685045744656066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864268973639294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-like-thingies,2019/03/06,I feel like an entitled millenial I feel like I don't deserve what freedom I have and someone else should just take my place. Or maybe me not being here would just drop the burden on the rest of my family.,3.849285714285713,4.905240595238098,4.479523809523811,87.88214285714287,71.61904761904762,7.504761904761906,25.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.2841333333333336,163,5,34,2,3,52,34,42,0.18,0.667,0.153,-0.3111,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,8,2,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,2,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711143304595757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059505935636985,0.0,0.3281977456899539,0.4637076784832303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31711098203466864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260474239150833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390787327578085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749845333857308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440162147069372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054628936210736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,markaveli05,2019/03/06,Will 100 Tylenol extra strength kill someone? Is 100 Tylenol extra strength enough to kill?,5.870000000000001,9.653480333333334,1.495000000000001,97.7025,79.0,3.0,40.833333333333336,3.1291,2.0863333333333336,75,5,12,0,2,18,10,15,0.359,0.405,0.236,-0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997349380940822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8560175593109801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277894406752491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strawberrylemonade_,2019/03/06,"Pressing the reset button. I’m losing this game. I took all the wrong turns, made all the wrong choices, and now I’m headed nowhere.

I just want to press the reset button. I’ve gone as far as I can here and I’m ready for a fresh start. 

I’m not leaving much behind. No job. No friends. Hardly any family.

A new beginning sounds so refreshing. I can just imagine the beautiful blank slate and hopefully I’ll get it right this time around.",0.25938811188811073,2.6795869318181857,1.8000000000000007,94.21423076923077,94.45454545454544,4.98041958041958,18.132867132867133,6.67199483983844,0.19181538461538405,342,10,71,5,13,110,60,88,0.154,0.6920000000000001,0.154,0.2681,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,0,2,1,1,1,2,13,15,6,0,2,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,4,4,2,6,12,3,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,36,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947043455834785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956671567890992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720634965456589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981568196246044,0.0,0.11483558090028498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968961742961744,0.0,0.2255765481306475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830938432070884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811597517244316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327347464055502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24589816324562525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797854019851264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157709849149013,0.0,0.0,0.21228264356420168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877066142443795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557442356794127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281662020500397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24420408589695194,0.0,0.23907751906802696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964277839358365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480630044630541,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElPollo_Crazy,2019/03/06,"Struggling Kept up for months using booze as a crutch. Debt, marriage ending, one of my best friends cutting me out, constantly behind at my job because no motivation... sober for two days and can’t handle it. Took a bunch of benzos to sleep but now I’m just high and sad. What to do? Can’t even afford to feed myself this week ",2.5368205128205155,4.6256294769230815,3.339615384615385,90.41455128205128,77.30769230769229,5.564102564102565,21.602564102564106,6.42735559955562,0.3124871794871793,256,7,52,2,6,81,56,65,0.156,0.7759999999999999,0.068,-0.6124,3,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,2,0,3,3,1,2,0,8,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,1,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,4,2,12,5,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,35,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443051051935556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830746450748011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914922447433978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173959466734978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389088652080741,0.0,0.0,0.17816019527575935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083998340503014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849942707453482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26767453102302524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530325313405432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278226041105647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699339988588489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28198997477456644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996901722338021,0.0,0.0,0.2634960002808601,0.0,0.0,0.23296805975408175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163685129643359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madkplusplus,2019/03/06,"Tired and sad and just sick of it all. Maybe not sad enough to kill myself. I have to take care of my girlfriend. I can't hurt the people around me. I'm just so tired of being me and being such a fuck up. 

I have so many dreams and goals and ideas but I can't do any of them. I can never get started and if I do I end up burned out in only a few months. And its a cycle that just goes on and on no matter what I do. A couple of months feeling okay and being relatively productive and content until everything comes crashing down. 

I can't deal with this life, I suck at my job because I work from home and rarely get anything done. I already am taking 2 days off a week officially but it doesn't matter because even with that I can't manage to concentrate and actually work. Because I'm too busy being sad and anxious and worrying about everything around me. I'm trying my best I swear but I'm getting nowhere. And I have nothing to show for trying. Because it's not enough. I don't know what to do. I'm just so sad. ",1.004662698412698,2.9093300879629638,2.9529100529100525,92.21166666666667,81.4537037037037,5.5957671957671975,20.93386243386244,6.655083550727371,0.26291957671957666,793,23,177,8,21,266,115,216,0.174,0.742,0.084,-0.9604,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,4,13,11,3,0,6,1,20,5,0,0,2,38,37,23,1,1,10,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,9,21,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,8,0,0,1,1,24,3,27,32,5,20,0,5,0,1,3,11,2,1,8,124,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.1260820942603878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425771447198867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786149775586513,0.0,0.0,0.14596099774588164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632188299349198,0.2300335783182724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150403101935108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558907606411905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172961091637528,0.0,0.0,0.11129571181678118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429590791746443,0.0,0.0833243237343626,0.13320114491027926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322180634031287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443424150025913,0.2669995180553123,0.0,0.08533641811141361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322360793636589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532819560104111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944476905636113,0.20250746236290434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295997086388284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831295233697066,0.14585284547194555,0.0,0.0,0.128212621578022,0.0,0.14294239382268045,0.0,0.07100580367234077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125888946689488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309901124628252,0.1298003424122369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062549202054569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964821540579384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123972390500055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982636156339676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957210028153688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914495358735898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428700182797626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29699639559333063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543876932404887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363770571698308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881205627269784,0.13121046539867134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nowplayingaudiobooks,2019/03/06,"i dont want to be alive anymore i just want the pain to stop. i'm tired of trying so hard to not fall apart. i genuinely feel everyone would be better off without me. 

i wouldn't be a financial burden on my family, i would stop disappointing everyone in my life, especially myself. ",1.90845238095238,4.3385396071428595,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,81.5,8.733333333333334,23.619047619047624,9.2995712137729,2.446247619047619,222,8,43,7,6,78,41,56,0.292,0.58,0.127,-0.8022,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,11,11,1,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,9,1,8,5,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582148072164016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138595013041535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668677450376725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351624355116325,0.0,0.0,0.21465934991454813,0.0,0.11513413638558273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397832810403455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083428188411264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422934307187907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807419832888408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617125974601697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545962735449556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26861179280921005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194988206147958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235092046937164,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xaviardark,2019/03/06,"I turn 25 in 15 days 
Late last year i was having a really fucked up time..... so i left my life to figure said life out.... only to have everyone i loved most turn their backs on me..... i ended up homeless while away for a week.... towards the end of said week i was held down and brutally raped by multiple men who awoke me on the street. I messaged my ex who had turned her back on me when i went went away to say goodbye and to make sure she was doing okay without me there( she was ). She asked how i was so i let slip... she made it seem like i was still wanted in her life.....i came back and started sorting out my life...... after a few months of trying to sort our “relationship” out she called it quits...... I’ve been with this woman for the better part of 8 years..... i love her with all my heart....we live together and i cant leave, nowhere to go...... wanting to hold her and kiss her, tell her i love her every chance i get, every damn fucking day is destroying what is replicating my soul.... i cant sleep alone due to the past events...... i have no one to talk to about it...... I’m alone...... i don’t have long... not much left in me to fight with..... shes taken even that away from me....... ill be gone soon......she wont mind... it will help her move forward better....",0.5030418250950603,2.2009423155893515,2.1523437262357454,98.36860684410652,82.11787072243345,5.424730038022814,17.364106463878326,6.360717304075467,-0.511911513307985,931,18,231,8,25,304,159,263,0.106,0.775,0.119,0.0945,0,2,0,0,1,0,110.0,1,0,1,3,11,16,7,0,7,1,23,12,1,3,2,29,49,10,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,2,9,12,0,2,2,0,0,7,7,7,0,1,17,3,45,9,40,28,5,50,1,0,0,7,35,20,3,4,26,147,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104798679882446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907371901463118,0.0,0.27357075980997314,0.22389745345946888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168183674239468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910822972514566,0.11100979474318604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251902264451091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193117164878638,0.0,0.0,0.06410664394613405,0.0,0.16355301642427553,0.09274416383261827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945921449684596,0.050709392595568836,0.0,0.05516094372146524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501554348985653,0.06505669294673627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911615015605128,0.10948693301432774,0.10277161079854746,0.21091007052568625,0.09924954252484894,0.27422295256572826,0.0474181912067081,0.0,0.08570499530001592,0.08589428109333555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627989790640661,0.09183970128158686,0.06478772696123891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800205891761933,0.0,0.0774716763626446,0.10315850124954716,0.0713496327324934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576978246855039,0.07381784658552483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510558595186244,0.09265392778887332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032343383886838,0.0,0.0,0.06217856786732474,0.0,0.0,0.10420518870390497,0.0,0.0,0.1846509293223859,0.0771853206212609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835899213459278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712923095428858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869895602641109,0.0,0.07751155139161561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914770870389381,0.0,0.0,0.07801245698772716,0.08483396292473949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056595962734598174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589678221976196,0.31671740622940725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449598626490247,0.0,0.15570996877602128,0.0,0.0,0.17994958294479022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356154354743668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250058027595148
suicidewatch,throwawayir839392,2019/03/06,"I feel empty and angry. I try and distract myself, i take my meds, i try cleaning and being productive. I feel nothing and when I do feel something its anger. I snap at the slightest thing. I just wish I wasnt here. I wish I was dead. Do you think suicidal thoughts has a feeling that goes with it? I try not to think about killing myself but I can *feel* it underneath everything. The urge to disappear is the best way I can explain it. I wish I knew how to pull myself together and just push through. 

​

I am too scared of my familys annoyance if I say I want to go back to therapy. I cant drive myself and we dont have reliable public transportation so they would have to drive me. The last time i brought it up it was obvious it annoyed them, like I am just being dramatic or looking for an excuse not to do what I am supposed to, which is find a job. 

​

I quit my job I held for 7 months in january. I regret it and I hate myself very much. I dont know why I did it. I just kept crying and panicking and calling off until I finally quit. I feel like such a loser. And ive filled out some apps but everytime i have an interview i get too anxious and make excuses why I cant go. I know my mental health is declining and i need help but my family thinks my mental problems are an excuse to be lazy. i just wish i wasnt such a fucking idiot. i wish i was dead. fuck being alive. i deserve to die. i just wish i could actually do it. im weak.",0.2615123313168937,2.4301964169381165,2.7442121917170788,91.01082736156354,86.45928338762216,6.244727780362961,22.45221033038623,7.554174236665415,1.0480323685435091,1128,42,248,21,35,388,159,307,0.23,0.631,0.139,-0.9865,2,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,1,1,2,4,17,17,8,2,11,0,34,4,0,2,1,61,68,21,5,13,13,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,14,15,0,2,15,0,0,10,8,14,0,0,11,8,61,3,23,51,3,24,0,2,1,2,13,6,2,3,9,179,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0810941152106936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007874648721628,0.20195244296985435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387992828725646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389916651804331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720886355953958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485491697200558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634899924767702,0.0,0.09128201358751883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624521465251077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478636927307927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468538449679465,0.0,0.15667953950175514,0.0,0.252108703538976,0.059367024493984275,0.0,0.09103255222111388,0.07595236518360825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536501740392561,0.043416589221006836,0.0,0.0944558754114206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204455417341637,0.0,0.08833196145062129,0.0,0.0,0.05570052349616272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976281628022867,0.0,0.16492887696234554,0.0,0.09193840744117993,0.0,0.091339739515126,0.06773801097299935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119742808375519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978350316959199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055470239024015766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230593845403784,0.0,0.16749154726640236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633003821847483,0.0,0.061088440165758616,0.061617978882417476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973718534048115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951596985010248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677525341589526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608486490918501,0.08319811248021891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397483634250956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089847561038987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062481245265641916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503268114212103,0.0,0.0552082896097793,0.15974236361008906,0.0,0.06597252646319039,0.048456578551685885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692593843968597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856662783461845,0.049014836785401535,0.06596132076721259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499705785920724,0.0,0.5733689464333229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059032221559610826,0.0,0.20195244296985435,0.0
suicidewatch,This_user_name,2019/03/06,"I’m not doing so good.. I’m not doing so good. I’m going a divorce with my wife of 10 years. I might loose my job of nearly 5 years because of it. On top of all that I’ve been battling depression years... I’m 32 and it’s been a struggle since high school. I’ve worked very hard to overcome not only my depression but also providing for my family (I have 2 kids from the marriage). Last year I finally got to a point where everything was comfortable, now my entire life is falling apart.. I know if I dig down “things will get better”. Honestly I’m just tired, I’m tired of trying and I don’t want things to just “get better”. I want it all to be over. I’m just tired of trying.",0.41104166666666586,2.390815243055556,2.740111111111112,92.51600000000002,84.06944444444444,6.062222222222222,19.322222222222226,7.3011,0.3865088888888884,521,14,118,8,15,178,86,144,0.161,0.688,0.151,0.1215,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,8,10,1,1,4,0,11,4,0,0,2,17,25,7,0,3,8,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,1,12,6,17,18,2,18,0,2,0,0,4,9,0,2,7,67,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380714898005898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675229841342957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517274485589842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24514686741987665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790117967409265,0.0,0.1341594347280098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589624256836498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870467672374624,0.0,0.0808793981156267,0.2387297240120028,0.11382020087829757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748392840142087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036082989542182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122306571717932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821115546114875,0.11600357379957092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051943393589664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097093262162828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823496842577816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345311868355184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402771373928366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772226112143755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877578597774302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909202694625685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907013947973755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324151198729006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742260745405356,0.16787904323248204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360509856893407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665779954455696
suicidewatch,yubnubnub,2019/03/06,"I did something stupid I’ve been having a tough time lately, feeling really depressed and crying all the time. I’ve had all these racing thoughts in my head and I couldn’t take it anymore and hurt myself. I could really use some kind words to help me get through this, I don’t want to give up.",2.860500000000002,4.5670107166666725,3.4466666666666685,91.725,75.16666666666666,6.133333333333334,22.0,6.742157984588678,0.4028999999999998,233,6,49,2,5,73,46,60,0.23,0.632,0.138,-0.7959999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,7,1,1,1,2,13,14,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,1,7,1,5,8,3,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248652739403215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001842444223984,0.0,0.2754106486393212,0.0,0.0,0.21594986648557152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677455802527246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099394425167907,0.2405191477234025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257317127136498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805629830809804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684072817313599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261092461704952,0.0,0.0,0.28282975727891946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212428875976448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302106166612984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851468772546706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904837318451093,0.2924005990942947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654669254079084,0.0,0.0,0.147884643003358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlyCoopersButt,2019/03/06,"Do any of you guys want to commit suicide because you want to go out on your terms? I feel like I’ve gotten through the hardest parts of my suicidal tendencies but I still see suicide as an option. I can see myself writing my story down in a notebook, having one last talk with all my closest friends and relatives, then just ending it, Almost like I’m leaving this life on a good note.

I’m terrified of having some sort of anxiety attack or mental breakdown and my family finding my body one day because I wasn’t able to survive it. I just want them to have closure.

I’ve been looking into therapy and healthy ways to cope but I was just wondering, does anyone else have thoughts like these?",6.187058823529411,6.324045352941178,6.5708823529411795,78.23147058823531,66.05882352941177,9.15294117647059,35.382352941176464,8.841846274778883,3.0613705882352944,552,25,101,8,8,179,94,136,0.155,0.682,0.163,-0.6746,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,3,1,1,4,6,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,0,2,26,22,8,3,3,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,4,16,5,18,17,4,15,0,0,3,0,8,7,0,6,9,67,20,0,0.14587790596683622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607565080592774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920197842399507,0.0,0.11159619877924253,0.0,0.0,0.10200122368226912,0.1494691537163871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595717765555362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785163497522513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203746770931898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407918117055354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765873856543905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186227179124424,0.0,0.12920452583016825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752070694437565,0.0,0.07376025239747745,0.10421520517049164,0.0,0.0,0.13332976325259344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112704908284186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290577571861525,0.12235546639461205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444420617988726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890996342771858,0.0,0.15446363931205906,0.0,0.0,0.1030378791065888,0.21380572883324106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225007007226986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701061836491378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770128886601696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797155646392338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232491608358828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649828414328853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787002565564806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172511350592757,0.0,0.0,0.16682409885864538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581076261744873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581277055163708,0.11579109169886455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819836628618536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forthepeople29,2019/03/06,"Awkward, weird, creepy. This girl I like calls me those things. She used to like me to but I've fucked everything up by being the above words. I fucking hate how I act socially. Always mumble my words and act like an awkward weirdo around people. ",1.9279432624113504,4.692119702127659,2.026702127659576,94.4841666666667,86.02127659574468,4.835460992907802,18.471631205673766,6.42735559955562,-0.0059049645390074615,194,5,38,2,6,58,37,47,0.327,0.561,0.111,-0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,3,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,7,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,2,2,0,3,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345624220250961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094973865294884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878502395873644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533525055262175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212218806887926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783167483794453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131646101692184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543316519770795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873603727797381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728106700789526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434700925377697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poofthenimgonevoosh,2019/03/06,"Life has no value anymore I've thrown my life down a worm-hole that I can't escape from. Everyday I feel the same deep sorrow that has engulfed my existence since I was younger. Although I'm still young, I've felt like I've lived 60 years. Everyone and everything around just feel still-minded entities, never-changing and forever at unease inside of me.",6.8797058823529404,7.188729323529415,6.831176470588236,76.36529411764708,64.58823529411765,10.329411764705883,33.17647058823529,10.125756701596842,3.3203411764705866,286,11,51,6,4,91,53,68,0.152,0.773,0.076,-0.6017,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,8,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,6,1,5,6,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25745075650214194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310966265452765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746195121889004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480563360619404,0.23330930595178925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26252038040815634,0.0,0.2492541093640913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667224872516352,0.12682612347067904,0.0,0.2292291637314942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26211926073866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021743425365635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474156147194065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146294633780228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717214397970082
suicidewatch,Famoguy1234,2019/03/06,"I’m done I’m done with life, I’m just done
I’m just some autistic spaz with no purpose in life
A brain dead retard with no purpose in life
I’m scared, I cry too much, I like childish things, I was bullied, my dreams are all fake
I’m fake
I’m going to go
I’ve wanted to do it 9 times, and tonight I’ll finally do it
3000mg of ibuprofen and about 300mg of my antidepressants, my even more
I’m done living with a mask over my face 
I’m done
I’m so done
I’m sorry I’ve failed",-1.5032016632016614,0.28055076576576354,1.2409009009009004,101.37386694386696,90.8918918918919,4.136105336105336,16.646569646569645,5.369823440869387,-0.9341259875259876,369,9,98,2,13,127,59,111,0.307,0.648,0.045,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,10,6,2,0,1,11,24,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,7,0,7,1,12,17,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,47,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404586924422148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515788743588588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8472887380932121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114310121978816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116462984748602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568492489236829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29240569444902176,0.06741642885632439,0.0,0.1218503821262958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014407617968047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381551057311212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544719101880891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167644386267633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046485110786887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813918700390086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rebel-Diamonds,2019/03/06,"Overdosed on my sleeping pills Nothing will make me happy. I don't look human. I'm not deserving of life, love or anything. No one loves you, no one cares. This isn't who I'm supposed to be. I won't pretend anymore that I could be anything.",0.4462666666666699,2.7569621600000005,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,87.4,4.133333333333334,26.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.6893333333333329,188,9,39,1,6,62,39,50,0.08,0.633,0.287,0.9099,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,0,4,14,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,6,4,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25463123098925144,0.0,0.0,0.4225737532148475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617780767571223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049973819080693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27331968087265457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135312482476051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560891064443105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634614825453194,0.0,0.17138546025825968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463626342651945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34796665875318983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569396818257077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkstainedglass,2019/03/06,"I’m tired This is really long and probably gonna get skipped over, but that’s okay.
I don’t know where to start really, all I know is that I’m completely drained. I’m tired of feeling like a second choice and being discarded by people I care about over and over again. I’m tired of feeling useless. I’m tired of being a burden. I’m tired of waking up to the same shift every day. I’m tired of being alive. My parents made me stop going to a doctor when I was 16 because they thought I was faking my anxiety and depression for attention. Ive been seeing a doctor for mental health concerns since i was 8 because my teachers thought something was wrong. My parents are extremely religious and believe prayer can fix everything. If god is actually out there he must have my ass on mute because I’ve never gotten a single response. I’m 20 now and lost faith in almost everything.
I’ve attempted suicide before but out of sheer luck a friend came over unannounced and stuck his fingers down my throat and made me throw everything back up. He committed suicide two years ago via overdose and I was nowhere to be found and I blame myself every day for it. I already know how I’m gonna do it, I’m just waiting for the day I get pushed over the edge at this point. 
Getting help is hard. I can’t go to a chaplain or behavioral health (I’m in the military) because that will fuck up my chances at anything in my military career and bring unnecessary attention to me as THAT female in the unit. I lied about mental health when I enlisted because I wanted to get away so badly and I really regret it sometimes. I really want to get out but at the same time I don’t. I’ve tried finding another civilian doctor but have been denied everywhere I’ve gone due to my insurance. I’ve just given up on the idea of finding help period.
I don’t have very many friends and I don’t wanna confide in the ones I do have because I don’t wanna make my problems theirs. I will gladly listen to their issues and help them out tho. I would hate for them to ever feel the way i do. 
No one knows the way I really feel and I would like to keep it that way. To everyone I’m a happy girl with a pretty smile on her face all the time but the truth is so far off and it’s sad. But again, I’d like to keep everyone thinking everything is great in my life. Not a worry in the world. 
I know I’m not alone but it definitely feels like it. I just feel like a hollow shell of a person. I just want it to end.",2.6225462184873933,4.209792347058826,4.2543417366946805,86.18882352941179,75.52941176470588,7.4453781512605035,25.28011204481793,8.192908349453996,1.5273053221288513,1947,67,403,33,42,653,235,510,0.198,0.632,0.17,-0.9735,2,1,1,0,0,3,37.0,0,0,5,2,20,27,2,0,25,1,38,19,5,4,7,85,97,32,2,11,15,2,8,5,2,7,13,1,0,2,15,22,0,4,20,0,0,7,10,12,0,4,18,10,52,15,64,68,5,64,2,5,1,2,19,33,2,4,26,248,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.06284230137261063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708416287788574,0.0,0.06448441522722373,0.06669599691472372,0.07106382512039566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752599698006824,0.04926362182990493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052993344160207616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060503215651038375,0.04951741158224005,0.05376890674128329,0.23553532601720184,0.0,0.054797207485758684,0.07255350392786612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736531516239877,0.06565715740577144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751915688508073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459244814659415,0.0,0.055465146549264134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197739548367122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703673573865072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058250883373078224,0.10851470489721927,0.1230684189049558,0.2315039224971022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953667178597603,0.13801594980670634,0.0,0.0,0.11771560514421855,0.0,0.0,0.07060812005637533,0.09950611294690452,0.059534101320682126,0.16822419094829494,0.0,0.07319673657695347,0.0,0.0,0.07099805400464387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855193349823879,0.05768717215015402,0.06357882549124137,0.0,0.20535338703276626,0.0,0.0,0.1294920997065071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269651194301648,0.0,0.06721386414651981,0.0,0.11447824125353498,0.0,0.0,0.17695486975201585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548559149853964,0.1573059041665009,0.0,0.0,0.05698942623609515,0.0,0.0,0.07029706545954784,0.0,0.0,0.12186822720000852,0.042985578779682836,0.0652885738653791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979430459698935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049667030203678485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872743125350238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301076550160693,0.0,0.0,0.04464485582580082,0.05622908274662157,0.0,0.0,0.060876094985935415,0.0,0.0,0.06551502394151844,0.06943098894845233,0.06161934843573739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062722256846433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051316168463195234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532699645231678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957605043539932,0.06369039998119642,0.0,0.0455806141820968,0.0,0.0,0.05383887724477331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087999810535598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126307533691674,0.0,0.1022482427865651,0.07510095905033254,0.44409010909772695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372141848918193,0.0,0.06290663062302695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531343696061256,0.11394927253332986,0.15334631327386405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539840298650859,0.0,0.09149173520927932,0.0704081433381028,0.0,0.041469635025561516
suicidewatch,yeahnothanks12367,2019/03/07,i guess i almost just killed myself or whatever tied the abu belt around my neck and pulled hard. survival instinct kicked in and had me let go right before i almost blacked out. neck rash.,4.325833333333335,6.396297694444449,3.512222222222224,91.255,72.05555555555556,5.911111111111111,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.4758444444444443,151,4,29,1,3,44,31,36,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.8085,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,9,4,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,3,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075694325618826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700667145742365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25814848549671443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241413894634425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334200088944617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717630479075192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33563780518734376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102199357147956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590792928394885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,P_G_R_A,2019/03/07,"Bad fantasy I sometimes would like to actually do it to show the people around me that my pain is real, they all think I'm exaggerating and that really hurts, I would also like to see their reactions but I'm pretty sure that would also hurt, either for the pain they would feel or their in deference even in that situation. ",13.68333333333333,7.432638047619051,13.177539682539685,56.69107142857146,57.412698412698404,17.044444444444448,42.611111111111114,13.816669648895859,5.439577777777778,259,7,49,7,2,88,44,63,0.221,0.638,0.14,-0.7389,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,14,11,5,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,8,3,7,7,2,3,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,1,2,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.17462000168502625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28619711982475066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929487874222828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940774574906152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181884355730507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904776343766487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831187626097493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484246534988315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38081036823035097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405473111662448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204670009186885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036733312831435,0.11463379160179915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425923180371901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113648818900956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697661462289788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686491936311053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465777235208273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084564571142038,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheHornyHarlet,2019/03/07,"About To Relapse, And I Don’t Care. I’m about to cut myself. Just sharing for my own record keeping for the next time it happens, I guess. I’m not sure. I’m in the middle of a panic attack and I’m spiraling. Hopefully this will relax me...",-1.2495588235294122,0.7716341176470642,1.7040931372549046,94.19966911764706,99.98039215686278,4.1186274509803935,18.139705882352946,5.985473137389443,-0.08910000000000018,184,6,40,2,8,64,38,51,0.183,0.613,0.203,0.2819,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,11,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,8,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626350103206115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249966095336009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511495860224525,0.0,0.28187802089992314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31660016089681264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833281377294141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390044019481219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37399565605932017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004271072990881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587125934524834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Terbo-23,2019/03/07,"A chunk at a time Well, it's late again, the light of the day fades and darkness looms over everything. For me, the darkness gets drenched in uncertainty and the worst thoughts/feelings. I no longer have my fiance sleeping beside me, I don't want the dog up because it's not the same and I know I won't sleep.

I've been left, cheated on, abused and am not a saint either, but damn do I feel like I didn't even get a choice at ""my straw"". Work 10 hrs a day, at a job that could probably give a shit less about me, so many bills and expectations even thinking of where I'll have to divide my money up puts me in a flat spin.

Have had depression for a while, 22 now but probably since my parents split at 13
Wasn't popular in school and even less so in the adult world.

Dream/goal was to join the Military but was rejected because of .1% iron count in blood. (Considering me anemic)
Girlfriend left after that.
Now I'm just here, paying bills off and merely existing.

No goals, no future and nobody.

I've tried passing before, pills, but to no avail.
Some days I wish it worked and others I still feel hope but these past few months have been a death sentence I swear.

Fiance left, took the dogs. Went from a brand new car to a 00 suv pos. Can't even keep my mind straight for a week. I'm running out of care, sanity and myself.


I hope to get out of this trench but vehicle assisted strangulation/decap just stick in my mind...",3.1958980811576008,4.489696858131489,3.905500157282166,90.45937637621893,73.49826989619376,7.330670022019503,23.51698647373388,7.84624498591911,0.8999467128027678,1108,30,245,15,22,352,172,289,0.171,0.74,0.08900000000000001,-0.9666,2,1,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,0,3,16,12,3,0,22,0,17,5,4,0,0,38,35,19,1,6,11,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,12,0,1,4,0,4,6,11,6,1,0,9,3,22,6,33,24,7,46,1,2,0,0,4,23,2,3,18,147,30,6,0.0,0.13930160731959626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333955510549445,0.0,0.10004368527027414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987077978291075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387033600057518,0.0,0.0,0.2274693956379124,0.0,0.10126314678145476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106163576051085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566462518711946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834126345697396,0.08399226212593992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427692343758534,0.11278416678851065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335477174396321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667040401664346,0.10450190496696074,0.0,0.0,0.06461357470127994,0.0,0.13262444516219238,0.0,0.3832214993034037,0.0,0.0,0.05743892103143889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919785396419275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374250210662284,0.0,0.0938435100016557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355015042238688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054793000010168,0.0,0.1122341765066074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535213864016003,0.0,0.0,0.11819064759158175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898744349034172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068424686056173,0.09725538598841033,0.0,0.2353104614348313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389181168887543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533431559195729,0.0,0.0,0.06855620072135862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062495464436802,0.07982253168719299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934602255089904,0.0,0.09430782124675867,0.0,0.10570983985801433,0.10898886715594447,0.0,0.0,0.1352000689894259,0.0,0.0,0.1711851905612793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhitestBunny,2019/03/07,"An almost joyful feeling Hi.

I've been dealing with this for a while, but tonight feels worse than ever.

I want to start this off by saying I have a good life. School isn't bad. Life isn't hard. I have friends. I'm in a relationship.

But, still, I was diagnosed with Severe Depressive Disorder or whatever, and been constantly fluctuating between fine and wanting to die for months.

Tonight feels worse than usual, though. But it's kind of weird; instead of sad, I feel.. calm. Happy. 

I know I probably won't do anything, I'm far too much of a coward. 

I think I just want someone to talk to.

Have you ever felt like this..?",1.0294672131147529,3.5973234836065577,2.4722745901639342,90.91857581967217,88.75409836065575,5.67295081967213,22.379098360655732,7.1686216300943375,0.9556377049180328,483,18,98,8,16,156,82,122,0.257,0.5479999999999999,0.195,-0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,0,5,0,10,3,0,0,2,22,23,8,1,3,5,0,6,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,7,10,8,17,18,1,13,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,2,11,61,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532141685442962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591152661116428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277542536576121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534595111230938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774325124616884,0.13178449834411124,0.15529864082050762,0.15879686041969965,0.0,0.17535900305574828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768067487788613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30945926115260103,0.0,0.14691048444150587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821264336904795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833481108638894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287854136579633,0.1370640035350144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933299541778184,0.08408851392506178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614639933191496,0.0747513743562774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212853620981567,0.0,0.11247757391924744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164967166182106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427199925690494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167711694057512,0.0,0.15485100994802106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728540873659809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964213137882288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829897238022897,0.0,0.12219139633041975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298103804342525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804055378418512,0.15032836502374974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685153297112299,0.0,0.2707420542762546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118539207229356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PacotheBold,2019/03/07,"My superpower.... ....seems to be the ability to take the joy out of any situation.  

This afternoon I just wanted to come home from work and hang myself even though I promised my therapist I'd call someone first.",4.876153846153844,6.648778666666665,5.818461538461541,76.50153846153849,70.02564102564102,10.328205128205127,30.948717948717945,10.504223727775694,3.5080871794871795,164,7,31,5,3,54,33,39,0.0,0.7929999999999999,0.207,0.8225,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,6,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052262363296207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081593613625888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599637001323412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932817398036226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567007781431481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30271804046940115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27473652452829245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392224350643641,0.0,0.0,0.25570405234146965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22690707062445914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503992095420421,0.0,0.0,0.29650524647822624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800242272423575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197053092125948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snakessssssssss,2019/03/07,"Self fulfilling prophecy? So this sounds really stupid, but.

I’ve been depression and suicidal on and off since I hit puberty. The older I get (I’m 33 now) the lonelier I become. It really feels as if there’s no end in sight. I’ve given up on love and I really take no pleasure in just being with myself.

Every time I try to think positive and try to convince myself I shouldn’t end it, I think about this psychic I went to one time. She was reading my palm and said a bunch of things that were spot on and then she just got this very sad troubled look on her face, and started shaking her head and saying, “oh, no... oh, you poor dear..” and kept clicking her tongue and something inside of me was like, “she knows that I’m going to kill myself. She sees it in my hand.”

This woman was totally genuine and was not putting me on at all. Her reaction was a hundred percent genuine. 

Whenever I think about trying to get my mental health back on track I always think back to that, and think, I’m destined to do it. I’m never going to be happy. I’m going to kill myself eventually.

I never told anyone about it because I know how stupid it sounds but I’m at such a low place and have been for such a long time, and I know it’s only going to get worse the longer I’m here on the planet.

",1.3153236574746003,3.329093218867925,3.212924528301887,90.18112844702469,80.9622641509434,6.039187227866473,20.38098693759072,7.1686216300943375,0.4962104499274314,993,27,211,13,26,333,140,265,0.203,0.695,0.102,-0.9864,0,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,1,0,0,14,15,4,1,8,0,13,6,4,1,4,37,48,21,3,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,0,2,15,15,0,1,9,1,1,7,7,9,0,1,14,10,31,6,32,30,4,37,0,3,4,1,15,16,0,1,15,138,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864232620037396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289226882982964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231384036549486,0.0,0.07226641507808589,0.13092813812485107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102106143583827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999858437985974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988270768698697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059941973732915224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581099444116714,0.0,0.2694966825033343,0.0,0.0948145240111454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619769351015975,0.0,0.0,0.12166555116500885,0.1260121218837202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26231397138734336,0.0,0.19545441196346872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057917089331558126,0.0,0.0,0.10491219982361788,0.09955136467557467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699516760241858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946958338757872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286470812277508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033192050584385,0.0901619126786152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385855027511168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917456267971385,0.0,0.0,0.1185811548996317,0.0,0.2278367169668049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276731668338015,0.09427498172629828,0.0,0.0,0.09446826324746063,0.0,0.12367253860391092,0.0,0.0,0.0980650189299843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912648688231599,0.0,0.0,0.08390964463029878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967344548398746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913414991086792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875873698545954,0.3798072985635506,0.0,0.0,0.207380754901605,0.0,0.0,0.11327872035984643,0.0,0.2414611181084615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781540137860092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989617913890036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081163417024278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ebam796,2019/03/07,why the fuck did i have to be born into this miserable existence im tired...very fucking tired and im so ready to give up. im going to die in a few weeks if all goes well because fuck this bullshit ass world. im doing it out of spite at this point because fuck humanity for forcing me live this long. eh idk why i typed this shit but its how im feelin,-0.9846153846153848,1.0608161794871829,1.6725128205128217,96.96415384615385,92.33333333333331,4.6584615384615375,18.056410256410253,6.2581,-0.2632758974358973,274,8,66,3,10,94,57,78,0.293,0.664,0.044,-0.9519,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,6,1,2,0,4,7,2,1,1,7,10,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,3,1,10,8,2,11,0,1,0,5,2,7,6,1,3,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616668572515192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762075838370882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903565620949077,0.0,0.12720467688776,0.0753612200995223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.716168827506244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709069096146818,0.11734929437485615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535249541381804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611485605180074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524073978377885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941118716479424,0.0,0.0,0.10636595784032192,0.0,0.11922583112406684,0.0,0.2393067817645436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rynohs,2019/03/07,"i fucked up. title. 

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suicidewatch,johny_pepporoni,2019/03/07,The Guilt And Pain The only reasons i havent killed my self is because i love my dad and im too much of a wimp to go through the pain. I want to tell someone but my mom usually makes fun of me if I tell her or anyone anything about me. Should I tell anyone?,-0.43649425287356536,1.3124144310344832,1.8110344827586216,99.29574712643681,85.72413793103449,4.55632183908046,20.011494252873558,5.46131890053228,-0.4023540229885061,199,6,50,1,6,67,41,58,0.126,0.6990000000000001,0.175,0.6053,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,4,0,3,3,0,2,0,9,7,5,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,11,2,6,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278039002704086,0.0,0.16361184241809296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119876956534632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129939346169794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475961658553952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996476881822066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944272797867716,0.0,0.1327138313877724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285547143718455,0.0,0.0,0.146155507719923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121149798974914,0.42311679652297773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044199771938541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741252339168628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845946150268454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213320846224262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897203784122854,0.0,0.11726913204431398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vanillaicewherever,2019/03/07,"For everyone out there who needs help I can provide these 3 resources for you. Hey everyone. I have been going through a lot right now and I have learned a lot of things in my life that I’ve helped me so much. These three things I’m going to tell you one.of which can help you and apply to your situation.

I’m not going to explain all of these things in detail but I’m going to give you the names of these things or studies.

For those who are in need of serious help and medication for mental conditions (e.g. ADHD, OCD, Depression, Autism, etc.) is *The Amen Clinic*. For those of you you are again in need of medication to change your life and have went to a previous doctor or doctors that have not helped I highly recommend going to the amen clinic in Chicago. They have developed the newest neuroscience and brain scanning to test the actual activity in different parts of the brain. I just did this a couple of weeks ago and it explained everything that was going on. I believe it costs 10,000 or more per scan/treatment but it can be life changing for you in need.

Next I would like to bring up your spiritual health. This can apply to people who do not have serious mental illnesses but do struggle. I recommend looking up *Eckhart Tolle*. Yes change the lives of many people in breaking habits of negativity depression past trauma and so much more. There is a sub Reddit dedicated to his works that I think you should check out right now if you’re reading this. r/Eckharttolle  he really changed my life.

If you are suffering from PTSD or considering checking out Eckhart Tolle, There is a trauma expert known as Peter Levine. He has an audiobook that is posted on YouTube would you can listen on to right away. He takes the nausea medication path of releasing trauma through our actual animals and humans used to do it. This is great for enrichment, and for those of you who have difficult mental conditions can check him out too.

Every single one of these people that I mentioned have at least two or more books that you can read. The amen clinic, or Dr. amen has medication that you can buy from their website if you cannot afford the treatment right away. 

You don’t have to check these out but these are really great resources. There is happiness in me sharing this and hope do you help anyone that is not feeling their best. 😀",4.737984521122222,6.628647841986459,5.0884979039019695,81.12434311512416,70.58013544018058,8.49400838439213,26.878361818768138,9.081645337920577,2.2063532924862943,1866,63,344,38,35,591,201,443,0.113,0.794,0.093,-0.8376,2,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,19,3,2,11,17,0,1,17,1,43,18,2,1,1,52,68,26,0,11,18,0,1,1,0,3,16,1,0,1,37,15,0,0,6,3,6,8,7,10,0,3,4,4,39,7,62,60,13,45,4,3,2,0,48,27,0,12,9,253,76,8,0.0,0.0,0.14339301952480155,0.0,0.08829714037563989,0.0,0.06512707446510864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137221022865951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805571396441385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277597874427653,0.07710264945020205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403452353787962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31088775506204497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129359744374842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265598914802157,0.0,0.0,0.07676092804761403,0.0,0.15040013016980447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193891427459304,0.0,0.0,0.061901978675930815,0.14040822669979566,0.06603045590633673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03714884053239921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047950001122509,0.2505295202724405,0.0,0.0,0.16200274531237915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821060435304278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809559694957194,0.0,0.0,0.2954739526712427,0.07762550880100225,0.0,0.07297268234810847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207577258228482,0.03589392510272507,0.0,0.0648757070639376,0.0,0.06169662993737699,0.0,0.0,0.1249238093168258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448745146613205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960547841567432,0.2221226408816228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801839160177668,0.2179094753302193,0.0,0.0,0.07813660128250374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957088559779154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956128089298517,0.07013580779641039,0.15280536859606092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036433174532733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588296305629567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469805593370109,0.0,0.09413403595659432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097327223957905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258380511890076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768072116376564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524059544291485,0.0,0.06421636578489281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524187000198168,0.04707686413612687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176990272589419,0.0,0.0,0.06345483411121544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893352123692463,0.0,0.0,0.06810779458383437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348732443406374,0.0,0.0,0.1043825248810836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TF1252,2019/03/07,"Just a goodbye letter I guess Literally everything in my life is a damn trainwreck. I don't enjoy a single thing about my life so it's time to end it. I'm too much of a loser and a lazy piece of garbage to go about fixing anything, I can't even help myself but the people around me expect way too fucking much from me.

If only they realized how much pain I am in, then maybe they'd understand and leave me alone but they'll never know. They'd say that they know what I'm going through but that is not true. People only understand from their level of perception.

I'm just so mentally and physically exhausted & I'm only 21. I can't imagine living through another 60+ years of this.. I can't even imagine going through another week of this torture. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice either because I know that nobody really cares anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest.

So I'm going to eat one more nice meal tomorrow morning and then I'm going to end it. I know I'm not the kind of person who should be preaching about this but if you're reading this and struggling as well I hope that you find the strength to stick around and get to where you want to be some day soon. Don't be like me. Goodbye everyone. ",2.999761904761904,4.48375897619048,4.448603174603175,85.61028571428574,74.3174603174603,7.4209523809523805,25.69523809523809,8.07648339933343,1.5126723809523803,970,33,198,15,20,323,136,252,0.152,0.767,0.081,-0.9369,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,6,2,20,16,3,1,8,0,15,8,1,1,2,43,43,20,0,7,14,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,15,8,2,0,11,1,0,5,9,7,1,1,0,2,26,9,29,36,8,24,1,1,1,1,13,7,2,6,12,133,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137495347632736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056038504240425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612467571028935,0.0,0.0,0.2441214037687489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579132589933398,0.20725010551049386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095935515697431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868256782712693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507153960646562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911128756401082,0.0,0.0,0.20620040603053247,0.0,0.0,0.1537686957423922,0.0,0.0,0.1112298837718245,0.1046172308915444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639198256405127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761446729032184,0.12163352628257135,0.0,0.3307779759573858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823313640220765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802376015923225,0.0,0.0,0.115616344809377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121780508400665,0.2558923859818268,0.0,0.0,0.12325599640745505,0.0,0.0,0.16444046655324404,0.0568695611522383,0.0,0.10278767171905626,0.0,0.09775081045244337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694438201980305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730877460705358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567130165835759,0.08631276878662704,0.08977864582973676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887898232473088,0.26559354756206977,0.12386303567697207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140102127577488,0.1016402809779035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643641484574972,0.0,0.07457196864120763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256985978210296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216916903531676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733425247990007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787664147024039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236324147512006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865863423799863,0.09239680254857448,0.0933730005929491,0.0,0.10466199737471052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496094814568945
suicidewatch,AtlasCant,2019/03/07,"I lost everything... I got admitted to a psychiatric hospital a couple weeks ago and it fucked everything up.
In the week I was there I lost a job I loved, I was treated like a prisoner (and received little to no help,) and now I’m drowning in school work trying to get caught up.
I’m still trying to pick up the pieces. My dad found out about my addiction issues, as well as my eating disorder I kept well hidden from him for the last 5 years. Things he doesn’t understand and never will.
I’ve never felt more broken in my life. 
The effort it takes to put everything back together is overwhelming. I feel so alone.
I just want to undo everything. 
Losing my job was a hit to my self esteem. I feel like if I had worked harder or done things differently I would’ve kept it despite getting admitted. They wouldn’t have fired a good worker.
I’m just incredibly low. I’m safe, but I’m tired of living. Every day takes more and more out of me; I don’t know how long I can keep this up...

I’m sorry for the long post, I just needed to get things off my chest.",1.1462077294685995,3.3703551666666662,3.0957568438003236,89.5944927536232,82.98148148148148,6.719484702093397,19.113526570048307,7.893859768569023,0.7402260869565218,820,21,175,16,23,275,126,216,0.12,0.7879999999999999,0.092,-0.7793,3,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,7,12,14,1,1,11,0,12,7,1,2,2,33,43,12,1,5,6,1,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,7,1,4,8,0,0,3,6,6,2,0,13,4,25,8,26,27,4,29,0,5,0,2,10,12,1,2,15,107,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135437348166846,0.0,0.0,0.09867776569020567,0.0,0.0,0.11529313252967772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559760345702974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317259183760465,0.0,0.07179168316367703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630488447785613,0.12758146231992895,0.0,0.0,0.11391820408423968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390734575099358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937912380943215,0.0,0.4001861228901792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257267770204578,0.07952646799586839,0.10688390164500362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220557712592487,0.0,0.10291281862653147,0.17447908275362722,0.0,0.0,0.09336927434371968,0.0890321438241074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461492195249844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618833671209038,0.2209342840935134,0.09894563130590624,0.0,0.0,0.06117812820513421,0.0907400161565093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862805222833719,0.10876988902322217,0.11157109601298336,0.0982969045242677,0.1970280009527204,0.0,0.12453772497321837,0.2430361418793301,0.0,0.10046993590711092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254178590438227,0.17171247932464995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661303456265622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190655561829474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126609865853636,0.0,0.0,0.11613021695686156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461274509341945,0.0,0.0,0.08889966728308184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739638862862602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218666160641238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794505960327054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115687685735624,0.0,0.0,0.1158872265955566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565895599722933,0.0,0.17858711596301113,0.0,0.20017868273892908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620834257103998,0.0,0.0,0.07907797499706448,0.0,0.0,0.07168592341565172
suicidewatch,imanactualmonster,2019/03/07,"I don't know why I can't kill myself It's so obvious my life is going to go nowhere.  I've never had a relationship.  I'm almost positive I have pedophilic tendencies.  The only person I've ever loved who isn't underrage is obviously straight.  I've lost over 10,000$ gambling out of anger in the past week and intend to lose the last $5000 to my name this week.  

I don't know why I'm not able to kill myself.  I tried so hard and took medication, started seeing a therapist but it doesn't matter for anything.  It's so clear that there's no way out and I don't even have the autonomy to find my own way out.  No one cares about me.  My family is dead to me.  All my friends have left me behind.  Any time something okay happens its surrounded by a thousand terrible things.  I just want it all to end and I've been trying to figure out how to push myself to do it.  I'm such a fucking pussy that I can't even end my life on my own terms before I hurt someone else.",0.9726585365853672,2.8816464975609755,3.258231707317073,89.9590548780488,81.58536585365854,6.441463414634146,21.469512195121947,7.554174236665415,0.7468487804878046,752,23,168,12,20,258,118,205,0.13699999999999998,0.732,0.131,-0.3406,0,2,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,2,12,12,4,0,8,1,16,5,0,2,7,28,32,9,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,4,0,1,4,11,8,0,2,4,2,22,4,22,28,5,27,0,3,1,2,6,10,1,1,11,104,33,0,0.1366762150044415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686148648859506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294451303013844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247287938040873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630139228988068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935051018925745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417543972735852,0.0,0.24210911768812496,0.0,0.0,0.18054670197270012,0.12363146133249825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884617163455375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491958441565205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559570467242116,0.12635495840041885,0.0,0.0,0.15535248538326976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086232554829587,0.0,0.12243504269944012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631471496697002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30242396327290977,0.0,0.15022734674924831,0.11140935716003418,0.0,0.0,0.14849910751153353,0.0,0.19307690530703614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290572416813578,0.1491982340334236,0.0,0.12335562023721446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376869075498834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541312283281196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261534049525594,0.10394842037700344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047291245782486,0.0,0.11934039909450793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673910526919326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089132478293304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158053134421814,0.10522002770613373,0.0,0.0,0.09674012844876166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869161993850772,0.09080160410647736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969700009009557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518523038400751,0.18558835665127285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061517276824445,0.2169744354327496,0.21926683098872554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24665805083236206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NeedsToBeDeadAlready,2019/03/07,"This is the end. Im calling it quits in a few hours. Im alone. I have no one. Im always getting ignored. I just am a nobody. But hey i made it to 24.... Didnt think id get ignored here on my main account. But its fine. I tried to find ways out of killing myself. But everything i tried pushed me to it. Guess im just unlucky to be alive or whatever. I cant even think straight anymore. My heads just always filled with these thoughts but ill be free in a little bit.

Peace out girl Scouts o/
",-1.5792406542056057,0.38188427102803857,0.582610981308413,102.79672021028038,98.81308411214954,3.4226635514018686,17.902453271028033,5.148860815047168,-0.7827378504672895,375,12,93,2,16,123,73,107,0.133,0.754,0.113,0.2142,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,0,7,2,1,1,0,19,14,5,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,4,0,2,2,3,3,0,1,3,0,10,3,11,9,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,2,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909065428211078,0.0,0.0,0.255626863636136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233699087496608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676991947768283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685004722272952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360503182579257,0.0,0.0,0.1014560562541322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805217780172532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039412789310965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050676407618006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921556416478695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764522418954846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127207467828196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6636882092310079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994352317248848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395469161277842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453467741567725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040881621499028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338008353269975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968504844881605,0.0,0.12194689783937937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857830740514516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192618467382575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carmens-yayo,2019/03/07,"DYE do stuff that you’d only do if you plan on living (like going to the gym, having a job etc) whilst ur also planning ur death And u don’t know why u keep doing stuff that you don’t like and would only do to benefit ur future even tho u plan on dying soon ? Or is that just me lol",5.206510416666667,2.7486620468750047,6.742500000000002,84.7191666666667,69.15625,9.158333333333333,24.45833333333333,6.42735559955562,0.6916208333333334,217,2,53,1,3,76,44,64,0.06,0.813,0.127,0.5267,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,3,5,3,0,0,2,1,10,0,0,0,0,8,13,6,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,4,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,5,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743901748373915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562343642894213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27534924924666104,0.16306948589679898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031411068406188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24500168566850744,0.21944848042887705,0.0,0.0,0.13568509385313646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412374002523434,0.0,0.21800968920014704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755441730134815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5652633243961893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278114804679003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538461495937382,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tide_Shift,2019/03/07,"June, 16th, 2018. The title is the day that my ex broke up with me, and it just so happened to be my birthday. So, instead of a happy birthday kiss and cake what I ended up with was a slap to the face and broken heart in front of all my friends and the ENTIRE school. But, now though she's dating other guys and just treats me like a "" friend "" and I just don't feel right. She was my best friend when I accepted her into my life and I embraced her as my lover, but now I don't even know anymore.  
I gave her everything, I put my heart and soul into our relationship and all she said was "" I don't love you anymore. It's over. "" I should have gotten over her but I just can't.  


I wanted to die the rest of the summer and almost got away with it but, at a cost. I was hospitalized and was stuck there for weeks on end. I was bullied because kids saw that she left me, and harassed me about it saying that "" Boo hoo, it was your fault for being weird. "" and "" Great job "". I wanted to die and I still do to this day, I want to say I forgive her but my heart says otherwise. I trusted her, with my heart and she shattered it.  


I don't want to do this anymore . . .  


She hurt me . . .",0.5536066126855594,2.3441907894736858,2.230227732793523,97.40353323211878,82.40080971659918,4.92638326585695,18.388832658569502,5.7366,-0.5189701754385969,883,20,212,5,24,289,125,247,0.133,0.7090000000000001,0.158,-0.0341,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,2,0,1,15,19,1,0,10,0,19,9,5,0,2,42,33,25,2,5,9,1,1,1,4,1,1,4,0,2,13,21,0,0,4,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,13,6,48,14,28,17,4,26,1,2,1,3,30,12,0,1,13,156,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273120138351707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349431477009268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577129627172432,0.0,0.0,0.06862686686029904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814429036141699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520776132121374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336776163866059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942244091554606,0.0,0.0,0.07435710053065359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117838246704433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056923120460139365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609338307088989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003938701960926,0.1241182989042036,0.0,0.11147050906199596,0.09955288014645768,0.11984200823080245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336247105400851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051771481882813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171688480677552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061870251866335726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223169733404164,0.0,0.07951759130019218,0.05500021516493028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160657774171476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317258282866118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086728013375052,0.0,0.0961415053823098,0.10708802449743003,0.2685810529910886,0.0,0.11393554886436273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990541173791791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060789842192492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26560708959306223,0.0,0.09030375862158796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,diego_g1129,2019/03/07,Think I just became a true loner (RANT) So I've had a shit of a life past year n most of my teenage years with only slite commercial breaks of happiness that turned out to be fake and I really don't want to type much I just don't have the energy for it to be honest. my only friend just blocked me earlier for no apparent reason I've been in school all day just got out. im doing amazing in school 3 classes 2 As 1 B just passed a midterm with a 94 and my gpa is a 3.8 but Idgaf why because other than that my life is perrty shit  sure my family isn't abusive and im 18 but. I have no one to talk to other than the few aqitences from my classes but only during class and family. I wish I could say it hurts but I just feel dull empty like im just watching myself go through the motions. maybe it's just the cigarette I smokedearlier or the coffee I just finished idk but thank fucking god. you know when I wake up its usually in a jolt cause im afraid of what I was dreaming. sometimes when I close my eyes i see things like death or just fucked up shit i know its not real but its still kind of scary idk how to explain tbh. I dream of an ex i wish I could forget sometimes I die in my sleep and wake up freaking out. it's all shit maybe its all in my head. I can't seek help I want to do things in life maybe the military (i doubt theyd let me in though) I just you know can't work at a national lab(nuclear)  with a mental illness. besides im banned from most cuz of stupid shit i did when I was younger I guess idk maybe I should do it I've tried enough times to know what to do besides everything is just nothing anyways. sometimes I just wanna break down but can't do that its too obvious you'll be questioned and well then I'm fucked so I just suffer silently its easier of course ,0.9366767286767299,2.782836501298707,2.6281081081081084,94.75351351351354,81.38961038961041,5.928395928395928,20.7950157950158,7.001395882987947,0.3063422253422257,1403,40,325,17,37,462,195,385,0.258,0.639,0.104,-0.997,1,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,1,1,25,27,9,2,16,0,30,17,10,4,6,71,51,25,2,8,24,1,1,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,20,13,0,2,9,2,0,3,9,16,1,1,6,5,44,11,44,36,8,34,0,3,3,3,11,17,8,7,14,206,64,9,0.0,0.0939741126759348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834907421957355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147731928163465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266515398061019,0.0,0.0,0.05115096426935214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231540309954792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819525571639852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128230308508375,0.0,0.14954034845297998,0.0,0.040103538189197915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061277794565131924,0.21997352658897096,0.0,0.0,0.045075970249123916,0.0,0.06343464600471818,0.0,0.08737330568469333,0.0,0.0,0.08443122082739017,0.0,0.0,0.0813990393308734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053162497918474313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490727036119174,0.0,0.42836361618601293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259331897500208,0.1743555861618212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110393195373007,0.16806545742621515,0.07749762175548462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31872626764037865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992985051141918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058304911144663074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610391579139039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537452145999104,0.1809655980513267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571418127950749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884982448429507,0.0,0.0,0.09027668854859874,0.05081057513216551,0.08154799495699766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307367099376067,0.0,0.16053999141487016,0.06320298393396746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070733723360756,0.0,0.0,0.07937127303193826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353307026213356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334025759483683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475250015055694,0.0,0.0,0.06374958354585672,0.0,0.07302166896493871,0.0,0.0,0.1053853858901206,0.050821204421286834,0.07792559583055103,0.0,0.04624862738620144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384899522114425,0.08627084924836644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735315834942217,0.0,0.09356289654109914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713128053072694,0.0,0.0715685425540273,0.0,0.1824143563233552,0.0,0.0,0.05774153183081756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215122269496346
suicidewatch,insecurequeer,2019/03/07,"im so fucking lonely anytime im alone i just cry until i fall asleep and wake up with my face swollen and eyes sore. i only have one friend who hangs out with me outside of school and he is moving soon so I'll be alone almost every single day, and he doesn't really care much about me anyways. im so fucking sad and i have nothing to live for other than arbitrary goals that i only care about bc they'll help me meet other arbitrary goals. and i havent met any of these fucking goals because I'm so fucking sad that i waste my time crying and thinking about killing myself instead. there's not really a single thing i've done in my life that i can really consider an accomplishment and be proud of other than not kill myself. everyone I've ever found who has cared about me has abandoned me eventually. i'm so fucking lonely and i'm going to be sad forever and i dont know what to do.
",2.7110450450450436,4.239010086486488,4.400540540540543,85.4799099099099,75.16216216216216,7.095495495495496,24.225225225225223,7.793537801064563,1.2301603603603604,706,22,144,10,15,238,103,185,0.227,0.696,0.077,-0.9826,0,6,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,5,15,18,7,0,2,0,15,12,4,0,1,22,31,16,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,11,13,0,1,3,0,0,4,5,13,0,1,3,1,20,5,19,24,3,12,0,6,1,5,9,3,5,1,5,93,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354391684574885,0.2348761231979851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710923159995113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691216199999568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34682663064587355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910764414535835,0.07312730537095093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603755379833935,0.13289248246786925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256793730079336,0.09553614300428008,0.10834920556574072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432651337638405,0.08760499551926737,0.5241371132871905,0.0,0.0,0.06444226982588093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760030680769814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367442656279404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25089893599016666,0.0,0.06231629439694693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009085917258213,0.0,0.0,0.10012563346337858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205158491472634,0.08335485171794864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880096532875444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683614133995517,0.1724767296096403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179220175125688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475694685465745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533141755687142,0.07265586852800958,0.0,0.0,0.06611874372590225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatalegend89,2019/03/07,Overdose. I just took 100g of Citalopram. And plan to take some more. Does anyone know if it will work? Or how much I would need?,-1.4600000000000009,0.2795237407407427,-0.3728888888888893,107.354,107.88888888888887,2.16,12.807407407407407,3.1291,-1.918045925925926,99,2,24,0,5,30,26,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,6,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,15,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986578835962324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737826597186819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347384214901564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139882835648189,0.31671005796720475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32114715816476025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474555011113397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109543281007351,0.0,0.0,0.3034195319478759,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,breadatemysoul,2019/03/07,"I'm over it I'm going to kill myself tonight. I can't live with myself anymore. 
I'm having issues with my relationship right now and I dont think I can get past it. I have two friends, one of which is my boyfriend, and to everybody else, I'm just there. My family doesn't care about me. College has been super hard and it's just going to get harder for the rest. I dont see another way out. 
I've already written my notes. I'm going to take all the pills I hava in my house. 
I finally feel like I'm going to be ok. ",-0.19500000000000028,1.6642239736842157,2.606228070175437,93.29776315789472,85.57894736842105,5.5543859649122815,19.149122807017545,6.816661863887847,0.11725964912280686,399,11,94,5,12,140,73,114,0.08,0.812,0.108,0.4537,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,2,1,11,1,0,0,1,11,29,3,1,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,2,3,15,5,13,26,2,13,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,5,56,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460029347538454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491234896625064,0.0,0.0,0.17488613651978346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797947419559267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133483558981259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731301446693526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662416890299229,0.0,0.08916496442088401,0.12598038590035798,0.0,0.19317653455029596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624315007851193,0.0,0.18426521157697606,0.0,0.40088206327715503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796983361317973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034776178917625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405760830306625,0.0,0.0,0.1950988136465868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615290568541623,0.0,0.15571522634981405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949544513966565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834056506670214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893277572567655,0.0,0.15059704804459512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052355647970874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258894912104113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299429149299065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722627336770709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997387801695846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cowardly-specter,2019/03/07,"Intrusive suicidal thoughts I didn't think I'd be posting here until much later, but alas here I am.

I've been suicidal for seven years now. My suicidal thoughts are always there but they usually come in waves: I'll go through nearly a year with intense thoughts on the daily and at a later date only have casual suicidal thoughts. Currently I'm in one of those periods where I'm very genuinely considering it. It started last week and has spilled onto this week as well. I can't stop thinking about how much I can't wait to die and how I'd do it. Soon enough I'll be in close proximity to a bridge. I have not been able to stop thinking about jumping from it.

For years one main reason I hadn't tried it is because I was terrified at the concept of an afterlife (I'm an atheist). But recently that fear has disappeared and I couldn't be happier. Now the main thing holding me back is the chance of failing and having to deal with the consequences. I know the odds are against me, I know that if I don't do it exactly right I'll live, and that makes me beyond angry. I have been meaning to write down all the reasons I should stay alive and all the reasons I should commit suicide. Whenever the urge is really strong suddenly all my justifications to keep going mean nothing to me and are just excuses no to do it because I'm a fucking coward.

I've been telling myself for awhile that I can't kill myself...yet. I want to wait a couple more years for various reasons and frankly it feels like this ""waiting"" is mandatory and I shouldn't go against it. Despite this I have thought about going to that bridge and jumping headfirst into the water and hope it kills me. The logical side of me is repeating over and over, ""Even if you had the opportunity and guts to do it, you're not ready: no suicide notes or wills have been written and you have unfinished business to take care of. You'd be buried with your deadname. Plus, think about how cold the water will be once you hit it, knowing your luck you'll end up being rescued and find out that you lost a limb due to being in the cold water for too long and live your life as an amputee. You could receive brain damage and end up more stupid than you already are..."" And well, you get the idea.

In reality I know the risk of failing will stop me from trying it but I just needed to vent about this anyway. If you read all of this thank you and I'm sorry.",5.179495159059472,5.547698802904566,5.7320165975103725,82.58334993084371,68.23236514522821,8.999280774550485,31.2118948824343,8.936278230431713,2.3946869156293213,1901,73,387,31,30,615,228,482,0.182,0.6970000000000001,0.121,-0.9918,1,0,0,0,0,4,45.0,0,14,1,5,24,20,4,2,25,0,53,7,2,9,6,92,96,35,9,11,12,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,26,28,3,8,24,2,0,9,12,10,2,3,16,3,45,10,62,62,12,62,0,4,0,1,20,22,1,6,30,274,71,3,0.07621759836360441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410801506488308,0.0,0.06341914750302269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860662851003415,0.0,0.0929230810725633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508404644695447,0.0,0.0,0.07770892116834699,0.0,0.0,0.06565471222287046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085355041091409,0.08433332290743847,0.0,0.0,0.0785769972093627,0.0,0.0,0.07910183389450932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501233913684604,0.07875315335789734,0.0,0.050341004893870764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857659879127218,0.038537907815232066,0.05444986749995523,0.0,0.0,0.06966150410611782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046194153313441,0.039820549379619936,0.0,0.17326487034111973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570127263888504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604039131455128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677457034126791,0.16864696002530538,0.0,0.16754879519296104,0.062127515293680775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538347437463832,0.03723606866085749,0.0,0.13460307145239214,0.06745017612384112,0.0,0.0,0.08320051208433743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087583874705664,0.0,0.0,0.16604661714514088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205740901303056,0.056514383436930486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313284122987365,0.0,0.0,0.08116925478392185,0.10329403435625567,0.05796691805204074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299539074219122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623822392815807,0.0,0.048826945174871114,0.3134575405634691,0.07525568342448068,0.0,0.0,0.06508941255663589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853193613413699,0.05394720841158508,0.08123781878145317,0.0,0.1911639750903366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5002180919579526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057306148572279315,0.0,0.0666175403964241,0.07017092441592078,0.0,0.0,0.05063558566012093,0.19534863799864505,0.0,0.3025412975617473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349349246866706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394291665632032,0.06288750080260519,0.04495511424473502,0.0,0.12227432006524275,0.0,0.13705754858893685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632653781616252
suicidewatch,SignificantScholar,2019/03/07,"Is it better to make your own suicide look like an accident, or be truthful and let your family and others know it was suicide by leaving notes and evidence? Just wondering which option is best on a spiritual integrity level.  Thanks for any input on this. Much love to you all and please be well.",5.419285714285714,6.865190928571433,6.305714285714287,74.78928571428574,68.28571428571428,9.885714285714286,30.07142857142857,10.125756701596842,3.2293714285714286,236,9,41,6,4,78,46,56,0.14800000000000002,0.526,0.326,0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,3,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,2,12,12,5,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,7,6,8,4,3,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,3,1,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636340477374838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525223210627125,0.2128142940159785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268409388858057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224185069144914,0.0,0.0,0.2547883714664029,0.0,0.2460565628212297,0.0,0.11755779267799915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206538043282316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717451404622426,0.0,0.16061983766919152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688792252436786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641352771306795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5264119518431025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22153624915784534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163518258160016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094881807925835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,premepope,2019/03/07,Toughest time of my life so far Yes my life has completely been a mess since the start. My parents where really hard on me when I was young which that was ok however them being hard on me really made me have a negative outlook on life. I didn’t really like taking to anyone and I always thought that people where taking bad about me all the time. I started to get really bad anxiety which made my life a shit hole. I was really becoming a jerk to everyone I knew. I contributed to bad things like almost making a person want to kill them selves which I live with it everyday. My depression and anxiety really are taking over me. I think it’s my time to go because I have already done to much damage to my self and others i have no confidence in anything I do.,2.9559879336349937,4.781913718954254,4.887581699346407,80.98334841628963,75.20915032679737,9.152136752136752,24.18753142282555,9.661875296680813,2.352880744092509,601,19,117,17,13,206,88,153,0.264,0.648,0.087,-0.9828,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,5,12,3,0,7,2,13,5,1,3,1,13,27,5,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,10,2,26,3,16,16,2,17,0,2,0,0,5,8,1,1,10,82,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014942939857702,0.0,0.13240839680424293,0.0,0.09983861396668564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357911852386646,0.0,0.0,0.0838975473035095,0.0,0.09873889745817717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30055185155605363,0.07314282819204171,0.13251597304255733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580385732940014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033444388992322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278813577144225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465251143483235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268814094771191,0.0,0.06819125289862342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496917644474076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274759596712504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390008481986877,0.11723896113523645,0.0,0.10595052613112683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270687872147364,0.08009210821789492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820409009775583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323112113465896,0.0,0.0,0.0831837263957561,0.1047678293089302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611996271555814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517238102104974,0.0,0.12316470672887775,0.09925430538507823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985452271895868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27064538095309315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971388592785651,0.0768826845911756,0.0,0.09525610168382603,0.209895771219786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077131235001907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dangerouslemon1989,2019/03/07,"I just want to not exist. I want nothing more than to die. I feel like I cant even function anymore. I think about it almost every day. I've been trying to come up with a way to do it for years to no avail. 
I have access to a pharmacy, guns, ect. But I'm terrified of failing again. I tried to shoot myself a few months back and was stopped by the police. At my own fault, being in a psych ward and resisting arrest left me bruised all over my body for weeks and I definitely dont want to deal with the ""babysitting"" service again. 

 I dont have anyone except my young child and I know seeing her mother cry all day every day is extremely unhealthy for her. I know if I raise her she'll turn out fucked up like me and it kills me to think about.  
I dont have any friends. I dont have any parents who care.  The only person who genuinely cares about me is my child..

I dont know what to do anymore. I'm at a crossroad and stuck. I dont want to be alive but I dont want to risk trying and failing and ending up brain dead or worse. 

I doubt anyone will read all of this bullshit. I thought maybe typing some feelings will make me see how absurd this all is but It just makes me want it more. ",0.7386561264822121,2.6335875770750974,2.348894861660078,96.24699446640317,82.3201581027668,4.996616600790514,19.21090909090909,5.927762680638738,-0.2979557628458505,919,23,213,6,25,300,135,253,0.198,0.721,0.08199999999999999,-0.9869,1,0,0,2,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,2,2,8,0,24,3,2,3,4,46,50,14,3,7,9,2,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,10,12,0,1,8,1,0,1,10,7,0,0,4,4,34,5,33,41,9,23,0,2,2,1,13,9,1,5,14,139,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851644299651135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156726654617539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869179011423213,0.11893667456167135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653975401015813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447042333419912,0.0,0.09494296943846273,0.0,0.0,0.17342653612935605,0.0,0.0,0.07326230470189607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342248842099063,0.16454898112936625,0.08768193046937217,0.0,0.0,0.08826758142791145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6977387235971566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532829551352263,0.0,0.0,0.056174155893256236,0.0,0.14331513983401406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600680284299853,0.060759123735371415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570875580794328,0.07862656092321509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409427407495702,0.0,0.14022235194855928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240614117253318,0.0,0.0,0.0831014291517123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135419248385043,0.0,0.08544329409448015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788541338966057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160694513001006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468370462949195,0.0,0.0,0.09443700683259837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426162992566841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507215708136881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554630897286074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110489060583279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899211157589787,0.0,0.06751951832988072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322835307307152,0.09250904355866636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009851234920848,0.06750804987118234,0.06822129128696777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667234121717665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054768858729174606
suicidewatch,diazmarc24,2019/03/07,"Failure I am a 19 year old guy who is a complete failure. After high-school I decided to go to the military. Mental illness runs in my family so I was discharged from boot camp. Before I left my family and friends we happy for me. I felt odd, like i was going for them instead of for myself. When I came home everyone I know seemed to resent me. The worst of it is my own father. He hates me. He thinks I’m a failure. It feels as if he doesn’t love me anymore. It feels like I’ve lost everyone and I’m alone. I was sent home because I wasn’t mentally sound enough. But now I think I’m worse. I want to end this feeling. I want to be happy again. I want my father and family to love me again. I think they would love me if I was gone. They would forget the failure if I was gone. I think that’s the best way to be loved again. Thank you for reading. I just felt like I needed to say this. I’ve kept it inside for what seems like a lifetime. Goodbye. ",-0.5186764705882325,1.5851243284313767,1.8796549019607875,96.12024705882357,90.02941176470587,4.832627450980393,17.963921568627452,6.360717304075467,-0.1892264313725489,729,20,169,8,25,247,108,204,0.16,0.623,0.217,0.919,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,3,2,8,17,2,0,8,0,14,5,0,0,0,31,47,10,0,9,5,2,5,4,1,2,1,2,2,1,9,5,0,1,13,1,0,7,2,4,0,0,14,7,36,13,19,29,4,19,0,1,0,4,19,2,0,5,13,105,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165530640958696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691535257311104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571800960897686,0.0,0.0917356254534282,0.0,0.1131365595492308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330223091384132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303335281365876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548480418763773,0.11139321747349287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602798755291926,0.0,0.0,0.3048918996441965,0.0,0.16353103449939807,0.07701718182967406,0.20702282133505312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329124718623764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253814964534017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674565692422276,0.0,0.2295246339747192,0.0,0.10643687132321833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390377712864595,0.2162779713469838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924778432532325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713237682393335,0.0,0.0,0.21067577956386005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768383031467758,0.0,0.38919929513659096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728774619750565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993735788535343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312507564713042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078359493648205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573227478186801,0.0,0.10910621215324437,0.0,0.1962864786246728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925399441792447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763129143139456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076168778354,0.08557200025695487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986431424192496,0.15316568012017692,0.0,0.0,0.06942402872233898
suicidewatch,litzym7,2019/03/07,"I want to sleep forever Hello everyone, i think i should finally do it...ive had a rough few years. im 18 now, and i really thought i would never live to even see that age. but now i am just so tired. i dont have anyone. the people close to me make me feel like shit. ive tried for years to find happiness but i dont think i ever will. im not motivated enough to stay in college, ive tried. i dont even have a job at the moment. ive been getting worse by the day. most days i just stay in my room and cry myself to sleep. im so lost in life , i dont think i will ever find my way. im thinking of killing myself sometime this month. ive organized and cleaned my room. i just dont know how im going to do it, like i said, i want to sleep and never wake up. most days ive been taking sleeping pills and when i wake up i just take another one. ",-1.6686343804537531,0.18354113089005608,1.4142735602094234,99.09760580279232,93.18848167539268,4.8587260034904025,15.811736474694593,6.42735559955562,-0.5572986038394419,640,15,166,8,24,225,98,191,0.168,0.758,0.07400000000000001,-0.9706,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,14,6,2,0,5,0,22,10,7,3,4,35,39,11,1,4,7,0,2,2,0,4,3,1,3,0,3,6,0,0,10,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,6,4,30,3,17,29,4,29,0,1,1,0,2,9,1,2,18,101,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964635821143163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977835562445245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390951540780644,0.16540680236510466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009829655253698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833662355973887,0.0,0.11293400224164847,0.15466575217058035,0.0,0.08169176361013013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04322758531309895,0.061075871163689316,0.0,0.09365287343518387,0.15627722325890192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466631151267715,0.0,0.04858736753655215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100837397903673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617329442691449,0.0,0.08483813132275908,0.0,0.09458480319223808,0.0,0.046984451472012634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603858930085924,0.08353465073811947,0.0,0.07549145872825062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332518131141726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057066918898607384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823931135246078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187419897706054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793194202286678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059269746714569964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476869549442708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081322961172086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812646722487713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775684004903278,0.0,0.0,0.3422170343385357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455428526333361,0.0,0.0,0.18224729577236354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855946608467492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912061120106927,0.0,0.06787150882081343,0.0,0.09826107173231784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160876142132349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008514030181112,0.06785998057513035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712417856273155,0.06073143111369,0.0,0.0,0.11010875581729357
suicidewatch,peoplearefr3aky,2019/03/07,Feel like I’m going to flip Been feeling increasingly suicidal these past few weeks. Can’t find anything to fucking live for ,3.4959420289855068,6.671492217391311,3.817391304347826,81.34898550724641,83.34782608695653,6.544927536231885,29.40579710144928,7.793537801064563,2.492084057971016,103,5,17,2,3,32,22,23,0.17,0.679,0.151,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,6,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910748739520996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576948745585156,0.2526919548734071,0.0,0.0,0.3232864001369931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270010849925041,0.0,0.0,0.20102270587444931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728058379888661,0.0,0.31233421511354303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376581693029889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38690356629427575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283726466075682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Everythingisntokayy,2019/03/07,I can’t feel emotions I feel so emotionless right now and I feel like everyday is just been more and more anxiety added on. I accomplished making my school sports team yet I couldn’t even properly be excited for it. Now I’m just anxious about fitting in and I feel like it’s never going to stop. Some please just give me a like bit of advice I feel horrible all of the time now like a lingering anxiety for the past week.,2.346860465116279,4.419332000000004,3.8327325581395364,86.73072674418606,77.83720930232559,8.486046511627908,24.703488372093023,9.188382445141503,2.0955395348837214,336,12,70,9,8,111,58,86,0.111,0.674,0.215,0.8164,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,2,17,14,4,0,1,3,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,9,5,8,11,5,15,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,14,45,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616235364416026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914764177234076,0.21521997694747064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798555227883272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142960205186687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258288325124604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816332091588703,0.2721981125494661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275277119733388,0.10827016860513833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37229062525289225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716566556687392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693162525395695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186158007528652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912073379872584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626929142195284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280441266478648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927333893293544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108683090315884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281414199518367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idekwidwmla,2019/03/07,"I want to be with my big brother and somewhere where I cant fuck everything up like I always manage to do My brother passed away a few months ago after battling mesothelioma for nearly a year. I held his hand the night before as he spoke nonsense and I tried to comfort him the best I could. I didn't get a proper goodbye. When I got the phone call I fell to the floor and screamed until I felt like my eyes would pop out of my head. To me, there is no pain deeper felt than this. My brother didn't get to reach 30, he died scared and desperately clinging to life in the ICU. I just want my brother back.

At first I thought I could never think about suicide again. My brother didn't want to die and would have done anything to keep his life, yet here I am again wanting to throw mine away. But the thing is, his was worth something. His brought joy and happiness and inspiration. I am a bad person and I hurt people without meaning to. I need to save everyone from me. 

My whole life I've been called crazy and weird and I haven't quite mastered normal socialization not do I have a strong enough grasp on normal social conventions. This causes people to be deeply embarrassed by me when I fuck something up. I don't blame them. I am not normal and it was not fair for me to make people attached to me and love me when I'm such a messed up person and a burden on them. It was selfish of me. I want them to let me go and this is the best way.

I am miserable. I am a fucked up person who only knows how to do wrong. I deserve this and I want this. My brother didn't think these things of me and wasn't embarrassed by me. I'd rather be with him. ",1.805014662756598,3.6494100879765448,2.887683284457477,93.95152492668623,78.61876832844575,5.573020527859239,21.85043988269795,6.3737218528115,0.20595953079178875,1284,37,285,10,31,410,172,341,0.16899999999999998,0.67,0.161,-0.4501,0,0,2,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,3,6,15,28,4,4,15,0,34,11,3,3,1,56,62,23,3,15,7,6,3,2,0,2,4,2,0,3,11,19,0,2,9,0,1,5,14,17,0,1,17,6,56,11,45,37,5,36,1,2,1,4,28,15,3,0,17,203,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336764018610779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782552472968869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739327031312672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672188075310427,0.07231690093391611,0.07852592811068854,0.0,0.0,0.08002769326141726,0.0,0.1973945855714348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206649973086729,0.0,0.0,0.09661292773267856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017892304757596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521339585200395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624348283845596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717644802996103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986663855866238,0.08452403757631237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060114336197275,0.0,0.0,0.07999695306697559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608368391942549,0.09827211692025764,0.0,0.05344949360822426,0.0,0.07521856296005189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011555986497864,0.0,0.0,0.09652010613161838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068004258988723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359394571817731,0.0,0.0,0.05168617412231732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617017822588084,0.1992860839782004,0.09189394295407016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488175028730602,0.0,0.06277759161612352,0.0,0.0,0.10244555153382642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506800267001665,0.0,0.0,0.06973520184069484,0.07253540902387275,0.0,0.0,0.08825742581408919,0.27644042834755506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715275383823887,0.1000734180464978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956025676302537,0.24635655681470414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003133988637723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415818681174623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917396387798047,0.0,0.14480507819263586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287295459330266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496226877431943,0.1205239787791644,0.0,0.0746633942283351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385223678990666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33283073528989354,0.07465071235390575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500093449698754,0.0,0.09065865785520097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336176213575465,0.10282643143141873,0.0,0.06056365613797144
suicidewatch,matsoukka,2019/03/07,"preoccupation with death 2 years -ish ago I got into a lot of shit with my old friends and spent a year wanting to kill myself and imagining how I would kill myself, . Im glad to say things got better and I'm in a much better place, but I still come back to the idea of suicide and I just wanna know, from someone on the other side, if those thoughts ever truly leave you. ",4.070129870129868,4.499199129870134,4.974441558441558,86.82737662337664,70.68831168831169,7.1989610389610394,24.49090909090909,6.742157984588678,0.7061137662337669,291,7,63,2,5,95,58,77,0.21,0.653,0.138,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,1,0,2,5,7,3,0,5,0,1,1,1,1,1,21,9,7,4,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,4,1,8,4,12,4,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,2,7,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638773602733248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421547113693228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270074970355343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592503596155537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722678444440256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428312013235744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957171275072332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869733175880484,0.19969285884832846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090656728633755,0.0,0.10160049821350524,0.0,0.0,0.19575214158484272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717107112724232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359017660631527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939914576902824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931512871396199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701717422860608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897678570523639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664095514028828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763855567287462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022193288023201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282035748394425,0.0,0.0,0.14676725798969026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904195399912993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132735330635045,0.0,0.0,0.23810226784003385
suicidewatch,Sick_Curious,2019/03/07,"Alone & Having Horrible Thoughts I’ve suffered from multiple mental issues since I was 10 years old(currently 23). I haven’t gotten any better, I’ve gotten worse: I feel like less than an adult, than a person. I don’t have my license because of past suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts. I’m not working because of my anxiety and severe depression. Most days I don’t have the energy to sit up in bed. I’ve written over 5 different suicide notes over the years. All ending the same with an “I’m sorry”. It’s not that I feel alone. More that I’m tired. I’ve been fighting so hard and I just want to stop. It’s tiring to be alive and function. My stress level is through the roof. My meds aren’t helping. I’m not sleeping. I’m just...done. I honestly don’t know why I’m forcing myself to exist.",1.41414768806073,3.82637232298137,3.069761904761908,88.9849603174603,83.53416149068323,5.813802622498276,24.472394755003446,7.1686216300943375,1.1976539682539689,628,25,124,9,18,207,99,161,0.27,0.625,0.105,-0.9831,3,2,0,0,2,2,26.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,1,1,7,0,12,3,1,0,1,19,27,5,3,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,3,13,3,15,19,5,12,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,65,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916510450276209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525558891576933,0.0,0.09574829348850354,0.0,0.10771101305305984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165978757233194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452546254114882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080384477188423,0.0,0.1212701563962374,0.0,0.0,0.1471052106726824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470631186764262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238462592257134,0.10058698636009512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612843964077947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437474498534806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695779825992458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737956560104854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878738374333634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639618544757825,0.0,0.14189249102440712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774508974201964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344087811860478,0.0,0.12294044247486513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590630345146211,0.0,0.11647056450502215,0.0,0.14090089715194815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576131922727536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771444717760525,0.1612850235180088,0.0,0.0,0.4620344612674105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355769641668255,0.0,0.3236559673648362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304702418890915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704939039672564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250350444317786,0.0,0.14348642751630636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134015460602615
suicidewatch,lynnrawrr,2019/03/07,I want to kill myself. But I’m scared. I’ve tried for so long to be even remotely successful. But I’m not good at anything. My parents verbally abuse me. Am I can’t. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I just wanna leave and be on my own no one wants a fuck up like me. I just want it to end. But I’m scared. I’m so scared. I’m scared of dying. I’m scared of the pain I’ll feel when I slice my skin for the final time. I’m scared. Of what could have been. But I’ve waited and I’m still no where. I’m a loser. I’m just exhausted.,-3.2146497764530544,-1.8580151475409856,0.11371087928464975,104.1243964232489,110.31147540983608,3.529657228017884,12.102831594634873,5.565023196281405,-1.3576360655737698,400,8,108,4,22,140,67,122,0.377,0.5489999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9914,1,0,0,0,1,2,18.0,0,0,0,2,9,15,2,6,4,0,7,5,1,0,0,18,25,9,2,5,8,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,1,3,11,3,13,21,1,10,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,7,57,13,1,0.0,0.1569850301651638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903217966957422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057865577592035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750899764493685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735133378301267,0.0,0.0,0.08751176531035558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339870092537356,0.0,0.0,0.14514190798203688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248958684395315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113060540869764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658619963142971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029318228429982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647304142735934,0.0,0.0,0.1172539959330532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978211014660381,0.0,0.14098413017628353,0.0,0.14712013108396238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7959042666332484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581075964488527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725895950044448,0.1522836289850608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995547708235915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344471320494717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WisteriaButtercup,2019/03/07,"End of marriage and I cannot stand my kids My husband cheated on me, I always knew he was but I didn’t have proof until recently. Once I had proof he wanted to pursue divorce, as did I but it still hurts. Now he’s finally stepping up as a parent, which is great but I feel like a mess and it’s just proof for him that I’m a terrible parent and partner. He is angry with me for always being a “miserable person “ and a “nag” which is true to some extent but I was so tired raising two kids with adhd and putting his career first, always. I was always nagging him and I was exhausted, I never went back to myself and I knew instinctively he betrayed me. I don’t think I’ll be ok, I cannot do this. I’m isolated and when I’m not with my kids I’m working 20 hours so I can support them and save money. I can’t help thinking I should just end my life, I’ve failed at everything and there’s no hope. They’re always arguing and screaming and I cannot enjoy my children anymore. I’m not sure if I’m to blame or expect too much from them. I’m just so fucking down. ",0.15210526315789252,2.204964526315792,2.6650456140350904,92.19925263157896,85.75438596491226,5.226947368421053,20.523508771929823,6.55674776486733,0.2824517192982454,824,26,182,9,25,284,125,228,0.267,0.614,0.119,-0.9903,2,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,2,3,12,21,5,1,5,1,21,4,0,0,6,43,38,25,0,5,11,3,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,6,6,15,0,0,5,0,1,3,10,12,0,2,10,2,31,9,18,25,3,20,0,3,0,1,23,4,1,4,13,119,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707820847331067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783899061757262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787311177855194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068998360899716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462656066520093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249445931156151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029402873760948,0.09931780856271773,0.0,0.15229251712604094,0.0,0.11825259462337072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852419925817096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327296183885153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318395147116762,0.0,0.0,0.13808085949720758,0.1369093057523405,0.0,0.1488266215974237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819580871212676,0.0679194442280378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219764351492208,0.0,0.10722283774932152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480545844820401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087364000404717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138921516768385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975616103544722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726809453880134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102366745332044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776125513088313,0.13102720186436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816020058958848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978608451318765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580492775567168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199916061278513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288753888713107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121014456929793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MinimumRange,2019/03/07,"Going to kill myself from loneliness I'm so sick of this life. My anxiety is so fucking awful that I can't even walk down the street. My parents are abusive and I've been bullied ever since I was little. All of my online ""friends"" have already at least kissed someone but I'd kill just for a hug. I have no friends in real life and haven't spoken to another human being except for my parents in almost a year. Every person I meet thinks I'm weird at best. Nobody will ever love me, I'm two inches below 6' so I'm short as fuck and my face isn't doing me any favors either, I look like a potato with a wig, look at my post history if you don't believe me. I'm still only 16 and I don't want to be homeschooled because it's so lonely but I know that if I actually go to school I'll be bullied anyway.",1.7916928158546668,3.081073491329484,4.235066061106526,86.7086849710983,77.09248554913296,6.0989265070189935,22.761767134599506,6.5431188927421005,0.6048137076796043,626,18,132,5,14,220,111,173,0.22,0.64,0.139,-0.9166,2,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,10,14,4,0,5,1,16,9,1,0,3,20,31,13,2,3,7,2,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,2,2,19,8,19,25,4,19,0,1,2,5,9,11,2,3,5,87,23,1,0.0,0.1733199114524799,0.14274985190577547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648000666520328,0.0,0.1614255094135644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947658203524827,0.15338913213155836,0.11190511115854944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917197538691747,0.0,0.0,0.16480939931747973,0.15351363444376834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661769277416632,0.2646403710005338,0.12324865349718388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260337794229941,0.27047017570157955,0.0,0.0,0.16627053876324482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32367808718506463,0.0,0.08039260466076935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664620195125727,0.0714658567022472,0.14661270745756114,0.0,0.0,0.24567959628251476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202495850462062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112538355407214,0.0,0.0,0.3248570652312808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772755070323066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400974464361149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665006161795142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804490462474268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210057458211164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123944021945796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168207661143014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373141601858913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289597944677196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628074520725733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420062806715672
suicidewatch,ConstantComplaining,2019/03/07,"all i do is hurt people. i’m 20 years old and i’m a flat-out loser. i’m in constant pain, physically and mentally, because i have various disorders. because of this, it’s hard to find a job and i can’t decide about school. i’ve applied and been accepted several times, but each time i’m too sick of something comes in the way. i got fired from fucking WALMART because my seizures caused me to miss too many days. and i was still yelled at by management. 

i do nothing. my existence is useless. i lie around just waiting for life to get better, when it never will. my mom thinks i’m faking sick just to get attention. she thinks i’m a dr. phil-level manipulator. my dad doesn’t care about me, he’s constantly at work. my 2 brothers love to do stuff with each other, but i’m never included, so white obviously they’ll get along fine without me. my dog doesn’t get the care she deserves. she’s so good and deserves a much better life than i give her. everyone will be better off without me. i’m a waste of space and resources. i’m a burden.

i have no friends because i never go anywhere. i live in the middle of nowhere and i don’t have a car. i don’t have any reason to leave the house. i have crippling depression and anxiety. i have constant back pain. the last few days, i’ve had the worst fucking migraine. any light or sound makes my head pulse in pain. i’ve been lying in complete darkness whenever i can. i’m just tired of the pain i have and all the pain i’ve caused other people.

i wasn’t meant to be alive.",0.8882656321314499,3.1702774249201298,2.7513884071200394,91.26470926517577,84.65495207667732,5.7496668188042,23.31985394796897,7.110495986334442,0.8927377270652674,1186,45,253,17,35,394,163,313,0.225,0.645,0.13,-0.9856,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,5,13,25,2,0,15,0,28,16,1,5,6,43,57,16,0,0,8,3,2,0,1,3,12,2,0,0,6,16,0,1,8,0,0,3,12,15,0,0,7,6,34,10,31,45,8,31,0,5,1,3,12,11,2,1,16,148,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230421472632488,0.0,0.06920747016519715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053534865059689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695640039737265,0.0,0.22059284914763427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400337344161423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844755051904534,0.18587030146247333,0.0,0.07792983111430256,0.0948535625707264,0.2932900252329535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668824198765343,0.0,0.07791961557902154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368371301718386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864456734327277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268575196445678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989504716893571,0.16727168599941666,0.18906235869245291,0.0867847701644844,0.051414824719243336,0.07587993482470634,0.07235520805064033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104120438568416,0.0,0.09284586258224782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438746969790227,0.09684744219332526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897751385313545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374317258375326,0.0,0.09579213114995007,0.0,0.0,0.12779988964070052,0.0,0.0,0.07988455261324966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165054555751501,0.0,0.06038782879586694,0.09171995196613043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117006758073748,0.0,0.0,0.10595456552108218,0.0,0.0,0.0665040989734918,0.0,0.209322582262624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680610687328336,0.0,0.09493053310470864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4813195505302736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543769267561386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301576524581327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155804604322193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220264301231212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964638213695927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224754617397396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356376348165848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593597665896414,0.0,0.0,0.1055047759338407,0.10397920356647138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718089738880546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441508565348854,0.0,0.0658614938667858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582581714901635
suicidewatch,geebl2405,2019/03/07,10 years too long. It’s ten years this year since I was in a&e from my last attempt. I feel like ive just wasted an extra 10 years of everyone’s time. I want to go. I’m so tired. ,-1.5300000000000011,0.27640409523809595,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,91.38095238095238,4.312380952380953,15.542857142857144,5.6839178017228535,-0.9640914285714284,140,3,37,1,5,48,34,42,0.166,0.743,0.091,-0.6299,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,1,4,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876256904760883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536583102495628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134224501493438,0.1896446054260518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086697855630546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638524876081244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296902981226079,0.0,0.0,0.2349236577469003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959117226388244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479180231884693,0.3051071040390668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657512670407994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6837898879889763
suicidewatch,someamazingfriend,2019/03/07,"It's been hard. I know this probably isn't the place to say 'my life feels too hard', but it does.  I have always felt like I was on the edge of being able to be a normal person.  You know, someone who deserves to be loved, not given up on, heard, wanted.  But I don't.  I have had people attempt to do these things, but they see who and what I really am, and always give up and leave me behind like the subhuman that I am.

I was hurt as a child.  Molested, more accurately.  I can't overcome it.  I just cannot.  I can't overcome my fear of women that this gave me, which makes me feel like a poor excuse for a man.  Everyone laughs at me for this.  Everyone.  And they're right to.  I'm nothing compared to an actual person.

I was always told I was highly intelligent, and I believe it.  I hate that people think that this in any way helps someone live a happier life.  It makes nothing easier.  Maybe if I were stupid, I would blame that for some of my problems.  I promise that it doesn't make any difference.  Me being right about things just makes people that I love and care about feel stupid, and makes everything worse.  I just want to be like them.  I just want them to be able to accept my love, and to have them give it to me.  Yes, I am selfish, and want the love of others.  I don't know anyone who doesn't, though.

I don't see a way forward.  I don't see a future in which I meet someone that respects me.  I certainly don't see a future in which somebody falls in love with me.  I am so lonely.  I wish I could just put the gun to my head.  It's so much harder than that, though.  I wish I was human.  I only hurt people who deserve softness.",0.994274322169062,2.8693515906432765,2.874040404040408,92.9159090909091,81.3391812865497,5.782881446039339,19.135566188197764,6.850034144686104,0.09130877192982467,1252,30,282,14,33,418,151,342,0.14800000000000002,0.612,0.24,0.9895,0,2,0,1,0,0,50.0,0,1,4,1,12,25,4,1,14,1,35,8,1,5,1,46,72,18,0,11,10,0,7,4,0,1,2,2,0,6,33,10,0,0,9,0,1,3,12,10,0,0,13,13,51,15,34,51,3,20,0,3,4,5,29,14,0,2,7,194,84,0,0.16388341416858482,0.0,0.07996328588091751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045461935222724,0.0,0.0,0.11144634143636928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729554683292496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923202436818271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354503150093652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654237854494177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561164349976252,0.0,0.0,0.07170774006488391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565976253075067,0.07364392269558813,0.0,0.0,0.09220720162044818,0.124296567523905,0.05853917191374574,0.07867688897655835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572119040890117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680734911197732,0.08090047130172279,0.08409583165155016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549237990015469,0.08657591244645785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754405843848629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509905775826436,0.0,0.0,0.08676443635378185,0.0,0.0,0.1157557020356226,0.160130316183544,0.0,0.07235602859709682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697779493070746,0.0,0.2734836288327427,0.0,0.08232145848018023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060236583040611726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028547507085301,0.15725055585487938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232036067234166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272322490765301,0.1430966759740448,0.08561164349976252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883470193963916,0.07840714721040211,0.0,0.08237404807107544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249395579552454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399555402562095,0.0,0.06516333437272824,0.0,0.0,0.2611877260704043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828682750489244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887685829220632,0.05250493723849819,0.16101462233909253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829881265375335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332536749895948,0.13008302602199162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845783840075894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835055999947778,0.058209037690251014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,agent_ulgrin,2019/03/07,"Returning to the zero point as always ... No matter i do ıam seeing same stupid barricades in front of me , dealing with anxiety , depression  suicidal thoughts  or  limitations keep coming somehow  . There is no way to break this stupid cycle ... i fear i might end up harm someone",4.663125000000001,7.699014062500002,5.362333333333332,73.71600000000002,75.04166666666666,8.840000000000002,30.43333333333333,9.3871,3.602828333333333,217,10,33,6,5,70,43,48,0.422,0.561,0.017,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,1,1,4,0,7,5,1,9,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,2,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354061686501323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164275685472368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437043837190701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29167074275488464,0.24367243740667055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505768267791869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318355629332058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514659548542004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001258430642109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674441044133449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544492579122194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971115374424598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30946075739373186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22460121437001676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456306496056705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pug94,2019/03/07,"Depressing title here I just need to vent I guess. Currently in the employee bathroom trying to put a face on. Lexapro isnt working anymore and I dont want to make an earlier appt with my psych but I know I should. I'm suicidal again but I'm not going to act on it at this point. I'm at the point where I'm not paying as much attention while I'm driving, almost hoping I hit a tree. My best friend hasnt talked to me since december and I'm not sure if shes done with my shit or if shes dead, so thats eating at me. Other than that, lifes good. I have a full time job, food, a roof over my head. I shouldnt be this way, I have no good fucking reason. I'm just a useless blob right now and I fucking hate it. I'm self harming again which means I've let some people down and I'm guilty as hell about that. I didn't plan to be here this long. I'm in my 20s and I have no positive outlook on the rest of my life.",-0.6190554323725053,1.1875623073170731,1.858725055432373,98.33314301552109,86.90243902439026,5.288248337028826,18.09866962305987,6.574015621080383,-0.2623658536585367,703,18,178,8,22,240,120,205,0.229,0.657,0.114,-0.9804,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,5,0,9,0,15,9,3,2,1,31,37,14,2,7,10,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,10,7,2,0,4,0,1,4,10,8,0,0,2,0,22,6,23,29,5,27,1,2,0,2,5,15,4,7,7,107,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325557893978414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178260435099214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061455387289364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182011677449182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662135832675098,0.1793712503773024,0.0,0.0,0.1566064296600305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506638758789545,0.0,0.11824459362769635,0.28298103138288244,0.0,0.0,0.08698077047822869,0.25673899428545466,0.0,0.0,0.16859975294335747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110332744179264,0.15707151988202886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152011310944894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187663795193912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411124118749916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565020664260994,0.21620481891519944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544276520897458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021608048817476,0.0,0.0,0.16671426430704675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125079741156769,0.1134832376526971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610429205501654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893598754920273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385562726783053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735895185644336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070225356138732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966256200031054,0.0,0.15710169019667805,0.12660298188845545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674097965732734,0.0,0.1442460366872684,0.0,0.0,0.1230142770935163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924358635831013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390962341857997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027174328519054,0.12148246950448645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142085016650953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Black_Sails,2019/03/07,"You don't have the right to kill yourself, if you aren't at least 18+ years old... Bcs you're not intelligent *enough* to have the right to make that choice yet. (it would be nice, if someone told me that some years ago)

---

⛔️ *If you're around 13-19 & your life sucks / always feel awful / have lots of problems you don't know how to deal with, and all you can think about is ending it, then this is the post for you. But take it with a grain of salt. I'm only trying to be helpful. I find it difficult to imagine reading this from your perspective. Perhaps i should delete it?*

---

##Advice :

• Don't take school seriously.. Schools are complete BS. This kind of system will be nowhere to be found in 100 years. But you gotta go through it. And I guess.. you can use the internet to get through homework and whatnot. (i did that a few times)

• Same thing applies for college.. If you intend on finishing it, then at least go. If you see that you wont complete the lessons. Fuck it. Do something else. And consider working (even if the pay is low..)

• You cant ""get"" friends. Not even online.. Forget about it. It's not how it works.

... Personally I've never had any people i could call my friends ... i *did* hang out with my 5-year-older brother's friends.. But 50% of the time they kicked me away or took advantage of my young age and tortured me (lol). (and that was when i was under 9yo.. after that i cant say I've ever had any friends.. *So what ?* That tought me to have my own brain, rather than be the same as everybody else - *think* like them, *do* the same things they do, like what *they* like, have the same interests and goals.. and do very stupid things ""for fun"" :/)

• Stop asking for help. Realize that nobody's going to help you. Don't count on other people. They all have their own problems to deal with. And they probably cant help you, even if they wanted to. You'll have to solve your own problems. That's the purpose of your life right now.

---

##Keep in mind :

>
>1. Intelligence (ask yourself the right questions and figure out the right answers. Never leave any questions unanswered. If you cant answer something now, save it for later.)
>
>2. Keep in mind that being pathetic never helped anyone.
>
>3. Most people don't even know what *happy* is, but might appear as ""happy"". Most people don't know anything about anything. Don't see other people as a big deal. They're not.
>
>4. Watching TV Shows & Movies (more = better)
>
>5. Keep in mind that *everything* is not about *you*. There are much bigger problems than all of yours combined x1000. So quit being selfish already.
>
>6. Use the internet, stop wasting it. (it's the best thing ever) (you can learn so many useful things on youtube, and ask questions on google)
>
>7. Learn to control your emotions. (you can *easily* do that.. in case you were wondering)
>
>8. Keep in mind that killing yourself with any method (other than magically going to sleep and never waking up) is going to be absolutely horrible - something you'll regret and something you'll never forget. And chances are you'll change your mind the last second.
>
>9. Keep in mind that suffering is a good thing for you, because it makes you smarter. (it's probably the best when it comes to getting smarter) Suffering also makes you superior to other people.
>
>10. Suicidal = Unintelligent (in my experience) So.. you don't have the right to make the choice of killing yourself until you're at least 18+ years old.

---

⛔️ *This post doesn't apply to everyone. And i cant say for people over 19 because I'm not.*",0.5519628554534179,3.021088828737305,1.6095214481535258,94.88594588238459,96.12626995645864,4.293506423695103,19.151763156480136,6.139981653823899,0.03772632371122908,2749,88,559,30,108,859,293,689,0.119,0.802,0.079,-0.9866,0,0,5,0,0,0,234.0,0,33,8,10,25,38,7,0,23,2,67,6,3,11,10,121,113,43,4,18,20,1,1,3,4,10,2,2,1,1,48,24,0,8,20,3,1,9,27,18,0,1,10,7,59,20,77,84,23,76,0,4,3,1,65,31,2,20,36,355,107,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975954131528978,0.04513851153354737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619273592006433,0.04072161124276265,0.042370461425868096,0.11034605152354393,0.0,0.13851246497147773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03560523980165089,0.0,0.08380750653009743,0.04533060380954298,0.14281315504886855,0.0,0.047842080181210674,0.0,0.0,0.062082099447492614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687717389607453,0.04503560361198223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684482447143632,0.051996169580643285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053867806257076885,0.043864046761792515,0.10677967716938484,0.0,0.05711237998221706,0.040656380790830775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749235492614422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507614425130558,0.057279420237043084,0.04510100917976944,0.052615141923142775,0.0,0.1345317110037486,0.09212215922653463,0.0,0.04865732425681965,0.04576463045473295,0.04981063855955708,0.0,0.0,0.025747254588074125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465409925678288,0.0,0.0,0.05583239344938326,0.15736616253865868,0.04707576644071334,0.07981257007746657,0.0,0.14469826531680652,0.042710229983057416,0.0,0.0,0.056095368320179036,0.0,0.0,0.10841298478797384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065680863211322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263052111413521,0.16901006546961728,0.053026523517473285,0.08395476811639188,0.04150751931994146,0.0,0.05391812685966419,0.0,0.0,0.07193420356742908,0.0746324796042382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04329132587310674,0.0,0.0,0.13596100534388966,0.05162603594162447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401927455587575,0.3084949668981835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743289142954058,0.0,0.1963675827638607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602994880273493,0.0,0.0,0.03872781584116039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471161118263517,0.04446236875731464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975367380194056,0.0,0.10980318664353833,0.19489858691673767,0.0,0.0,0.17112996666107386,0.05416089239299171,0.05093491245638008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609182134305961,0.0,0.08098905673705407,0.0,0.10306980922793653,0.08115509960226605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095790710764039,0.0,0.04314531030053873,0.15680630224204706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514469369254417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569945409314435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765727088157752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029784265598465,0.06525641116922111,0.0,0.0,0.05938504368585845,0.0,0.0,0.04865732425681965,0.056575251810900985,0.03457210639943581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193852717534266,0.0,0.04201526718407928,0.030034603254659863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522179601878799,0.07414238181876387,0.0,0.0,0.03617291151140093,0.0,0.0,0.16395769899416962
suicidewatch,HammyHammo,2019/03/07,i can’t handle my problems anymore the past 2 years of my life have been nothing but hell and torture for me. i don’t want to go to far into detail about my issue because i know that no one cares. today some shit happened with me with someone who i’ve been talking to for a while. like i said i’m not going into to detail but this thing that happened really set me off. i can’t talk about my problems with anyone because i feel as no one would care. i only have 2 whole friends and i might of just lost one of them. the other barely even talks to me. i want to get more friends irl but i fucking can’t because i have terrible social anxiety. i’m seeing a counselor in 2 weeks but i don’t know if i can even fucking wait that long before i just end it. i want to end it now. don’t ask to pm me i won’t respond i just wanted a place to rant about my fucking issues if i do end it.,0.2816549104720565,2.032493752577324,2.6250949538795427,94.42801682040155,83.12371134020619,4.702767227346718,21.035268583830714,5.399115186594226,-0.11094432989690706,684,21,157,3,19,234,102,194,0.16399999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.649,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,9,15,6,0,5,0,16,5,1,0,0,30,40,10,0,9,10,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,10,10,0,3,4,3,29,5,25,33,3,19,1,1,1,3,11,6,5,4,11,109,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776122473180872,0.0,0.1137723715007467,0.08021556659118201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724861670863914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979850761122346,0.0,0.0976190921860708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393134050252865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048261737887435,0.0,0.0,0.15154423173055673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800636722165861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726626699665216,0.3181730525163504,0.05993696962888734,0.0,0.13039713707093906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028947421388449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947776543198465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609528503864428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810308107541408,0.056046869046141735,0.0,0.0,0.10152444455894027,0.0,0.0,0.12523148584331265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170081537109265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007786060110386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332136860180317,0.08725046391608893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951414267904476,0.0,0.0,0.1198589920113893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195449414810844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349318820587122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912590918816067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141775666481734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775942267480825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169435773478284,0.09720270192786637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766250999557549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762155120191503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087420614839264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27066159147757696,0.0,0.09202223879781704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808186124773333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149448250606016,0.0,0.0,0.07387654061632792
suicidewatch,throwaway1019234,2019/03/07,"I wish for nothing more than to never wake up Recently I've been thinking a whole lot about ending it all. I have almost never been happy or content with my life. It has always been a let down. It hurts to live. I hate doing most things. I want to remove my feelings. I just want to not exist. In the last few years, a combination of family issues, drugs, and having my friends drift away has made me a shell of who I used to be. I was never addicted to anything, however using drugs to  ease the pain only made it worse. I've been caught smoking countless times and each time my guilt gets worse but I continue to do it because it's the only available thing to make the pain go away. Some time in elementary school I started becoming overweight, and ever since I've had terrible social anxiety. I went from being a super smart kid to being put on a 504 plan. I'm not dumb, I never was. But I never turned in work, not caring about the consequences since I assumed I'd be dead before I graduated anyway. I'm still in high school, and I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know I should get medical help. But I don't want help, I want to die. Plain and simple. I see no point in living, and everything is a waste of time. I used to get excited thinking about being a CEO of my own Fortune 500 company, but now I fantasize about my death. As much as I'd love to have a great life and find enjoyment again, I'm just done. I am considering buying a fuckload of oxys so I can leave this shitty place happy for once. I have heard all of the ""life is worth living just give it time"" shit and I'm sick of it. I am tired of disappointing everyone and I know the only way to truly find happiness is to end my time on this terrible fucking planet.",2.3907490636704125,4.036106539325844,4.218898876404499,85.95100749063673,76.30337078651685,7.330936329588015,22.82172284644195,8.131152278815165,1.1898370037453183,1352,39,282,23,30,458,188,356,0.212,0.637,0.151,-0.9805,1,0,2,0,0,3,38.0,0,0,0,3,13,22,4,1,17,0,31,16,2,6,8,57,68,17,3,7,11,0,2,0,1,2,12,1,0,1,14,11,1,0,10,0,2,6,11,11,0,0,13,4,36,11,45,47,11,44,0,2,1,2,9,14,3,6,22,186,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641550457629821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937699876542957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659586115160499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060640984885943126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523208125806074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895269367378774,0.0,0.0,0.04832197882388349,0.08754698446136235,0.0674525442406392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082058407407716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226927256955598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112026624118619,0.0,0.0,0.18385501136164828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404185766857867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170384163828111,0.0,0.07574544718332116,0.07124235563543832,0.0,0.07472827213241305,0.0,0.08016212737975018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144901855917888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124345376093749,0.07328341693696089,0.12424519645715115,0.07604257059696777,0.04505070913979085,0.0,0.0,0.08739495310946553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531517137040084,0.0,0.0782622643741544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626541004589783,0.0837526263975429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485968731798907,0.0,0.0,0.08273681001181897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306934064146952,0.0646152590669565,0.0,0.08393500244107438,0.0,0.08105848034656328,0.16797127154687208,0.0,0.0,0.20998938132302125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739213237681807,0.07154385917103223,0.15001352010270294,0.05291303676559777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985572691784011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827223637966211,0.0,0.3056877992355236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606126625269259,0.0,0.0,0.08441947825118279,0.0,0.1808641827798942,0.16869676940564188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281980276846164,0.0,0.07493534212128129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968778702987019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826911244957327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045002289609955,0.06316756423077509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136904871625142,0.1311451733970238,0.0,0.0,0.08080531838666866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610739188547946,0.0,0.06330476096185378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532632666764877,0.10158544722891437,0.0,0.0,0.2773362546352495,0.09110868085303364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622250203935296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053903064800036,0.0,0.0,0.1870209255642733,0.12584095011207086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348366229925217,0.0,0.08850161601348,0.09115606457528624,0.0,0.0,0.057709172790278325,0.0,0.16156487690015514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051046987967987706
suicidewatch,DomesticRac,2019/03/07,what am i even doing I'm having a really hard time right now. i don't ever leave my room because I feel like there's no point in doing anything. Somehow I'm seven months sober and I don't even know why I stopped using. I don't have the courage to call anyone or to leave the house. I don't get what the point of life is at this point. ,1.3992000000000004,2.5292891200000014,2.9730000000000025,96.0115,77.8,5.533333333333334,20.5,5.46131890053228,-0.2797999999999998,264,6,64,1,6,87,52,75,0.127,0.8,0.07200000000000001,-0.561,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,8,16,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,5,16,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644982832228805,0.0,0.16058759808746753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895849962938328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992647276698412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778268834344475,0.17651970441940834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867110818194977,0.13941153194770445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195513867901684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481147043759598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225170975819972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724651540181472,0.0,0.0,0.4132604748315389,0.0,0.0,0.13783659065288914,0.09533792484847313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576277101649905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5534249270162076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250147987442018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666526501300342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314984678691552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379054123757446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854250930913364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760878895886303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Quick_Bath,2019/03/07,"How far is too far (self-harm)? When suicidal I often feel the need to carry through with an element of the desire in order to satisfy it...for example writing a final Facebook post and posting it as private. 

Sometimes it includes cutting my wrists (usually on top of my wrists), I made a point to throw out all my blades about a year ago. But I was offered a set of fancy cooking knives for free, I accepted without thinking because of course I needed a good set of kitchen knives. Tonight I needed to cut so I put '999' on dialer just on case and I cut. It was very light but the knives are sharp so it'll leave scars I'm going to have to hide now. 

I really scared myself because I don't know how deep a cut would have to be to be a risk to my life, or how long I would have to get help before it would be too late. I've a desire to try it.",3.860347293156281,3.842134595505616,5.172594484167519,86.79921859039841,71.02247191011236,8.045760980592442,28.541368743615926,7.686295010490155,1.5308247191011242,650,22,145,7,11,218,108,178,0.117,0.78,0.103,-0.3521,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,4,2,12,0,15,5,2,4,1,28,25,12,1,8,5,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,4,1,1,3,2,6,0,0,3,3,16,4,27,15,1,27,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,2,9,92,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000345444786492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063100678359457,0.0,0.14399388556409087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556279326776982,0.0,0.0,0.18537240492679266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841054503303282,0.0,0.09617171197150848,0.14193383476900612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342470077171105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299896996284898,0.0,0.19088770198832405,0.17917970733919375,0.0,0.0,0.11952519768015366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975450933218054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012019924461754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764237952293552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996774027712382,0.0,0.3241322573876513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011299152036308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840676239935812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941889268760818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653352391458002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736305711941699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850993805726696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842944048983934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488937519794536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863720900105412,0.13962434743728488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312218774009796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606274221147751,0.0,0.0,0.10897222968537636
suicidewatch,ForlornNinja693,2019/03/07,"I think I’m gone I’m sitting here covered in blood from self harming with the gun loaded next to me because I think it’s time to end it.

I’ve had a really great past few weeks and I thought I was making some actual progress. But here I am. I should’ve learned by now that there’s no hope for me and that any progress will always send me straight back here. 

It doesn’t feel like there’s anyone out there that cares about me.

It felt like it would be so easy pulling the trigger once I had the gun to my head. I could almost feel the energy leaving my body. I also felt a bit of peace.

I think I’m going to go away any day now.",0.274462982273203,2.1628837299270067,1.662924921793536,100.56965328467156,83.96350364963504,4.7901981230448385,18.544838373305527,5.773587663045528,-0.5671497393117826,489,12,121,3,14,156,87,137,0.07400000000000001,0.7040000000000001,0.222,0.9651,0,0,0,2,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,12,6,0,0,6,0,9,3,3,2,0,21,26,5,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,9,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,4,16,5,13,15,3,19,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,11,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.1636635145845329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794015816574756,0.0,0.0,0.1341198775698613,0.13955049728111962,0.0,0.0,0.22810093064743345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172686997715908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757171046938534,0.12896080244779862,0.0,0.10223617537552004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830989567517544,0.1862911293274619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099439237503605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339050358688595,0.0,0.0,0.10816089114590227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854377429731325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960127694978094,0.1198140685531553,0.322061206580644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063011542609865,0.0,0.0,0.18490397062585764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212173334770894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657666741840885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775836552759107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387201982394706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194960632997188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836448142265424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860867443060974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010085902682916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744112382693992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496104286041067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223907997336415,0.0,0.1331452414140532,0.09779469114257787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452910391930234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191383718667754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweetpotatoonion,2019/03/07,"I want to die because im afraid to leave uncomfortable to stay If i leave my husband i would have to stay with family who are not the nicest to put lightly. I would have to struggle to survive i will probably lose my son. I dont drive a car i dont own my own phone I dont have a bank account or anything no job. 

If i stay with him I will be un happy. Ill always be on my toes he might hurt me again. Ill never love him like i did. Ill never be comfortable with him. ill have to find a way to validate to myself what he did to other girls as well. 

And if I died i wouldnt have anxiety or fear anymore. I wouldn't freak out if anything reminded me what happened. Im so useless because of it. All I can manage is to care for baby and clean house. I do nothing else i just exist and avoid things. I'm just really sad and im trying to figure out if I should just do it. Ive tried in the past but failed more tgan once not enough pills or anything",0.8780662393162402,2.274773836538465,3.0993589743589745,93.42341880341878,79.86538461538461,6.160683760683763,21.170940170940174,6.937597516519254,0.2972331196581193,730,20,175,8,18,250,116,208,0.214,0.7190000000000001,0.067,-0.9719,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,6,16,0,4,5,0,27,7,1,0,3,36,32,15,2,11,14,2,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,1,7,9,0,1,2,0,2,3,10,10,1,0,2,1,29,6,23,19,5,15,0,5,0,1,11,4,0,9,5,119,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220447452345072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477088916027803,0.0,0.1098957440881762,0.0,0.0,0.2735665428466588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509995322764853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298023584707105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300107559073351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896125734406933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256922052757896,0.0,0.0,0.11449843475243122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446370694655904,0.12469432590686005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128017536520276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979907000478612,0.11796145188769537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786218889897702,0.11862655531303253,0.0,0.35908797911001983,0.0,0.10996382759873097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346678505298923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054137153830865634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397030161870863,0.0,0.0,0.10001217109671268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755403781186193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093011662250066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632711825219754,0.0,0.0,0.11801118084179375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578260819511287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947409568788292,0.0,0.0,0.11139668286131107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098901514278083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543325960894472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584477930032708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361857974764012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504681703457987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535979825146539,0.08795742066062029,0.0,0.0,0.09963331063787098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157435354048598,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lucas-boy,2019/03/07,"I’m tired I’ve always had some mental issues and as of last year I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and counselor. I don’t think it’s working anymore. I absolutely hate my job and the people I work with. The worst of it is I wore a green hoodie under my jumpsuit and have short hair. They used to say I looked like a female Peter Pan until one said I could never be peter because I never have happy thoughts. I’d need to jump off the tower to fly. I threw the hoodie away after that. I go by Lucas on here because I don’t feel as a girl but I don’t want to transition. Nobody knows that but my wife who has emotionally cheated on me again and somehow blames me, again. I’ve tried so hard to be a good person. No more drugs, no alcohol, be kind, trusting. But I’m still here with a family that excludes me a wife that excludes me and a job where they’d prefer I jump. My only friend at work shot himself last year and I really want to join him in that peace. We sold all our guns but one and I’ve been avoiding our bedroom all day cause that’s where it’s at. I just want to feel loved one time but I don’t think it’s ever coming. I don’t really know why I’m writing this I don’t know any of you but I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m damaged, I couldn’t be the family people wanted, the wife or friend I’m supposed to be. I’m just sorry I’m not enough. ",-0.20208719851576973,1.8176441530612242,2.373661100803961,93.91268089053808,87.06122448979592,4.788126159554731,16.732220160791588,6.11248444174946,-0.43665850340136103,1047,23,239,9,33,361,146,294,0.125,0.738,0.13699999999999998,0.8117,3,1,2,1,0,0,24.0,3,1,2,3,12,13,2,1,14,0,21,5,1,2,5,49,54,19,0,8,10,3,4,1,2,0,3,2,1,2,12,12,1,1,9,0,1,5,12,5,0,3,8,9,34,8,26,38,6,30,0,1,3,1,20,11,0,3,15,147,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178987126735189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179522013320678,0.0,0.0,0.07502149956223535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940796607122354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364943250732572,0.0,0.0,0.13450030500812415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332920507284157,0.0,0.0950310592080016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880816799940556,0.0,0.0,0.07114738396482377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793637443708927,0.0,0.0,0.1240953440868529,0.0,0.11399022745185627,0.0,0.0,0.0997909109408857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080000786220264,0.0,0.11156238677613406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704661814579024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269749571119887,0.09253132562868516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743787380415767,0.09882520444536493,0.10891832955884163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514559681575699,0.2189514947791004,0.0,0.0,0.11488148194235527,0.1818872431672752,0.17985132778521756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053896863237647634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264115909424768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995682618362272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117678514604734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180100919896836,0.1701714343458083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426740965875303,0.08390346153386914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529642324270813,0.09632731838104808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134785336071212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049397460249947,0.08773102819007515,0.0,0.0,0.08791089337032991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704831993641531,0.0,0.0,0.08810183135161019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137742254382296,0.0,0.08758189317427499,0.0643285790892445,0.12679680822139847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490015474477066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528120722579174,0.0,0.0,0.2602787814523824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954679544418883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24094319596311514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420851467292747
suicidewatch,sadboiotito,2019/03/07,"We're all great. All of us are absolutely incredible. We've suffered through this bullshit for so long, but we're still here. Even if you don't do it, or back out and say you're too scared, that's probably not the whole reason. You're just not ready, because we still have something. Even if it's the smallest thing, there's a reason we're still here. I know for me it's stupidass gundam models I build, and paint. It's such a meditative thing I do, that just lets me focus, and blank on the stresses if school and life for a while.  And, best of all, even though we've been dealing with this pain for all this time, we still suffer through this, and try to help others get the help they need. I just wanted to give everyone here a bit of encouragement, and let you know you're awesome for even being here. Keep on going guys!",3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857147,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,71.85714285714286,7.2666666666666675,24.119047619047624,7.492282038375204,0.8010976190476189,648,17,143,7,12,204,93,168,0.136,0.7120000000000001,0.152,0.6102,0,0,1,1,0,0,24.0,3,2,1,1,21,8,0,2,8,0,9,2,0,2,4,32,17,15,0,5,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,13,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,1,12,3,16,13,7,12,0,2,0,0,13,3,0,4,8,100,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503080240153424,0.0,0.08326520408014214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334485745753733,0.0,0.14912306671094888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408203351228346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608708620252775,0.0,0.0,0.13051949177924813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136367267220166,0.13103147498598813,0.07762837081137443,0.0,0.0,0.1505931417410706,0.0,0.13524753657862074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310945183723265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140922911939565,0.0,0.0,0.15013476161245198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27934911080863545,0.09647895599037094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087960526852208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128122348127422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453434986946233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726925838351973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808786125493967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862342603559262,0.13675240207746725,0.13823837750725534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051551805869528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363301312592852,0.0,0.1564656532344687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149128612793572,0.0,0.13420092824178045,0.0,0.07964788281674114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273698925933067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430333553586685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056548962492792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250006928819218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marsupial_Invasion,2019/03/07,"Shutting down. I just hate so much of what I’ve done in life. Who I’ve become. All of it.

I feel like I can barely function anymore, and I just work all the time. When I do talk to friends, I’m more of a drag than anything else. My head is so messed up. I just want to feel normal, or like I’m not this weight to everyone around me. I’m not even that good of person.

It all feels relatively pointless. All of this. I don’t know what else to say, or where to say it, or how to even put into words what’s happening in my head.

I just want to go to bed and not wake up. I always assumed life got better, but this all feels—awful isn’t even the word. Numbing. Empty. I don’t understand the point in continuing when it’s so clearly more of the same.",-0.5946198830409344,1.4174475432098783,1.6476088369070858,98.43634502923979,89.0,4.645094217024042,17.16829109811566,6.05967700443912,-0.5572395061728392,570,14,140,5,19,191,87,162,0.081,0.8240000000000001,0.094,0.2468,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,15,8,1,0,5,0,7,7,3,1,6,34,21,12,0,3,11,0,4,2,1,0,3,2,1,1,12,4,1,0,6,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,2,6,13,5,23,19,9,17,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,4,6,92,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108444182179554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623560946302695,0.0,0.0,0.12964055434226635,0.14024244008329576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398861691481468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932977746567882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161216323028174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632059813897687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312157579551829,0.0,0.0,0.1505345463821943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389682138836097,0.11254535529923622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171365901991348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895326163715341,0.13213560742558972,0.12599772770315212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931055174804932,0.0,0.0,0.15553640389624454,0.32335938288823185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657890069689457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254784595701774,0.15393046006535854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580873829760678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435403374907347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755632094837444,0.0,0.0,0.1489245644945576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583694508227002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505614746401821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662327568128573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186181884924102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400287125184046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584027978380727,0.0,0.0,0.19183914407607716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468972025541238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lookingforfakegf,2019/03/07,What is the most efficient way to commit suicide so that all of the body is intact once first responders find it and then the organs can be donated? Thanks,3.1950000000000003,5.739847166666667,4.043333333333333,83.885,77.33333333333334,8.0,23.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.954333333333334,125,4,23,3,3,40,27,30,0.114,0.633,0.253,0.5413,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,2,5,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323353779958145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557397829575395,0.3310701044798495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145063109127113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257432129551375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583412351192299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089445058965062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perk0114,2019/03/07,"The older and older I get the more lonely I get. I always have felt that I struggle making connections with people. Not as in making friends but as in forming a strong bond. As I get older (I'm 20 now) I have less friends, it feels like my parents love me even less, and the hopes of ever finding love are decreasing by the day. My life is pretty much at a point where I'm going to be working most of the time so the time to make connections is decreasing. 

I want to fucking die. That's all I really desire from life at the point. I know I am starting to lose my mind. I really should kill myself before I turn into a full blown psychopath. ",1.0895129870129878,3.288769704545455,3.0159307359307377,90.23318181818183,83.01515151515152,5.58961038961039,20.034632034632033,6.868970318607317,0.4050177489177491,499,14,103,6,14,167,82,132,0.126,0.629,0.245,0.9622,1,2,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,12,2,1,10,0,8,5,0,3,2,21,27,7,2,4,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,2,17,7,17,24,8,19,0,2,0,3,5,9,1,2,10,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072353899386915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336843680393615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131941302108094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304967939063833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037660481942117,0.14211002510462506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943676150466246,0.11223549444593454,0.15084496837028966,0.0,0.1435906773731646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275711182577034,0.14524058938432444,0.24624186911386356,0.0,0.08928611439165716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604022846921978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381286506582838,0.0,0.08634053091276149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193512528751216,0.07675332869042417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575976265244353,0.0,0.0,0.2835859108962762,0.0,0.3146054441986786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586307712087137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154898926697861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444596801649362,0.0,0.0,0.10891648700951967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29702908817074164,0.0,0.0,0.15983176834297164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012903459862672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119938189118844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423974652391662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832178081775962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088459487579782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266431135274038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437395551782027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dynamosrose,2019/03/07,"I'm in love with a girl I don't even know anymore and a week ago she married one of my only friends left. I had introduced her to my friends 2-3 years ago and then we broke up. They made a conscious decision to befriend her over me. I used to average speaking to about 200-300 friendly faces a week. Now I talk to maybe a dozen every month. I'm finding fewer and fewer reasons not to kill myself. Nothing anyone could say would probably change my mind. I just wanted to get this out there, that's all.",1.568365384615383,3.573317567307697,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,80.05769230769229,5.6984615384615385,24.823076923076925,6.742157984588678,0.8376300000000003,393,15,84,4,10,128,78,104,0.027000000000000003,0.8029999999999999,0.17,0.9386,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,5,0,4,2,1,3,1,20,12,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,2,15,4,14,8,1,13,0,1,0,1,13,5,0,0,8,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177822032611688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776424499231858,0.12533323726682566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961890385438648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311364980137958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839054412409157,0.0,0.15102280680826502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382794489329056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41545592791471103,0.0,0.09364883594025074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830956299305816,0.0,0.09850912328850722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475171740208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177685707996886,0.1696072596789992,0.0,0.0,0.18007708204503134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098774738991655,0.0,0.14307275118762675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719917368514771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146198668452345,0.13632494988619698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325791542078086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429513308954112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254391657784815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407145129910176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481132199663875,0.0,0.0,0.1057241596153137,0.0,0.287561269693485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273314862179384,0.0,0.0,0.11542879252736415
suicidewatch,SneakyDabEmoji,2019/03/07,"I am honestly so confused and have no idea what to do. This post is probably going to sound ridiculous but I am getting desperate and need some advice. I'm 17, with a loving family and tons of friends. Yet, for around two years I have struggled with what I think is depression. Back in November 2018, I tried to hang myself, but was not able to go through with it and a friend found me sitting on the window sill in my room, ending the night in hospital at about 4am. I am constantly having these thoughts of killing myself again, which never really amount to anything, but they are so exhausting and I have found myself being more abrupt in conversations and not really wanting to ever go anywhere with my friends. However, these down periods only happen half of the time, and almost always when I am at school. When I'm in a good mood, I feel excited and optimistic about life and feel ashamed of feeling down and stand-offish. My matron and counsellor are the people I talk the most with about my feelings, but as they have a duty-of-care obligation to tell people above them, I often feel trapped as I never want to cause a hassle. I am also on a dose of 20mg of Fluoxetine but I'm unsure if that is really having an affect on me. I really really want this to end completely, I have exhausted what has felt like every option and nothing anyone has suggested is working. It now feels like people are just saying ""he's not using the support available to him"" when I really am trying to. I really can't go much longer living like this and I really want some new advice from people who have experienced things like this before because I really am getting desperate. ",7.438092358438702,6.884364112149534,7.985332600329852,71.44324354040684,63.64174454828661,11.415869525380245,32.58951805021073,10.843485225782073,3.534715081546638,1324,44,235,31,17,441,176,321,0.147,0.727,0.127,-0.6201,1,1,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,3,1,17,21,2,3,13,0,28,5,0,3,3,59,57,27,1,6,10,0,7,4,3,0,4,2,2,0,15,19,0,0,12,0,0,5,7,8,0,2,5,10,32,12,43,51,7,40,0,1,0,1,15,14,0,8,23,177,47,2,0.08961846548496691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514825453353552,0.0,0.0,0.08973994782267597,0.0,0.0,0.07166785447006828,0.07456974246907883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266331480019996,0.0,0.07374836110599385,0.07977943449966117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891106814020045,0.0,0.05463058475111255,0.0,0.07625871341583149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206285059553017,0.0,0.0,0.0939632559983298,0.09684572364610963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718825300297814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875072049971484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106503278512993,0.07550742238380688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448431342005003,0.0,0.2718827332967841,0.06402344964907647,0.08604778091768449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965240434417805,0.2077170123764097,0.0,0.09364389870027716,0.0,0.20372895677381697,0.07516771692949455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924931305882887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116833913541737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914955397879367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330017250492542,0.17513222172964327,0.0,0.07913474690962616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088416403868254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587988376425001,0.06645095660565006,0.1382385707703121,0.08655407241338653,0.0,0.08410085893629621,0.0,0.08599133465620587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681588813640368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24852063980053546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582971710263912,0.0,0.09662386335606317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167069542146697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126820077546513,0.0,0.0906986715723127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368867837987188,0.0,0.0,0.10169797260547624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203192786967852,0.07833048892762287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953852631441053,0.05742389404773208,0.0,0.07114705111532811,0.05225724791689275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169011070743613,0.0,0.08754421870646832,0.0,0.0,0.07740158011124988,0.0,0.0,0.2114371715096379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524331022382841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057711353515510974
suicidewatch,Valoraes,2019/03/07,"Im scared of myself I don't really trust myself, my panic attacks started when I was literally 5. I get them when I'm alone and it's dark even though I'm not afraid of the dark or anything. I've thought about it many times and I don't know if I'll be strong enough to refuse self-harm. Don't prioritize responding to this post, others need quick help. I just want someone to talk to, hopefully actually talk.",1.891323529411764,3.8962940588235284,3.5466911764705884,88.55886029411766,79.0,7.0735294117647065,22.389705882352942,8.07648339933343,1.061852941176471,325,10,71,6,8,108,61,85,0.188,0.696,0.116,-0.7367,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,3,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,14,7,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,9,3,7,11,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.21225854175649891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527493005349025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899233014321844,0.0,0.0,0.2474492099013141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247461413317988,0.0,0.143663410520794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364008217055707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457924765767721,0.0,0.0,0.21603666893409265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349482997390841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953789657564776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22052116455535756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128102895732693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255201309759314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083146096989811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934257935299724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776561697556748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269105360227717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429565429612726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539548120825853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496528579278249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137026296672304,0.17267877239533985,0.12683192455047346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829312895851433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jriibz,2019/03/07,I hate myself I just.  I don't know.  Am I seeing attention by asking this or saying it.  Am I seeking attention when I just want someone to be nice or treat me well.  I don't know.  I just hate myself to heck with this ,-0.9782269503546104,1.0641265319148945,2.026702127659576,94.4841666666667,92.19148936170214,4.835460992907802,16.343971631205672,6.42735559955562,-0.2818624113475181,165,4,38,2,6,58,28,47,0.156,0.655,0.188,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,11,3,4,11,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095185735839217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6537532335522043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639098942119534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26329105300470235,0.0,0.0,0.2638308493992636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28052615103606104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528174882125432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976840146806681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway559174,2019/03/07,"I’ve lost everything For all of my life, I’ve been unloving and unloved, and somehow, that was fine. I didn’t give a shit when friends moved away, when relatives died, or anything like that. I never felt a thing, and I thought it made me better than my peers. The numbing feeling drove me over the edge once, but I somehow walked away from it feeling perfectly normal. Survived and kept walking without breaking stride. I guess my development was just stunted or something, though, because I recently found someone who really cared. Someone I couldn’t help but fall in love with, because they were the first to ever show me what it was like to be loved. I’ve lost that now, though, and once again, I’m surrounded by nothing but the same selfish shitbags who have always used me. Back to square one. The same people who have everything I’ve ever wanted and yet take it all for granted.

I thought I was better than the drama-filled whiny dumbasses I saw back in high school, but now, I don’t know how I can move on without her. I can’t do this.",6.176419141914188,6.3975624009901,5.812623762376242,83.3709488448845,66.07920792079207,8.515511551155111,33.665016501650165,8.07648339933343,2.3784442244224406,823,34,161,9,12,254,123,202,0.08,0.698,0.221,0.9874,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,7,16,17,1,0,8,0,15,5,1,3,6,41,37,17,1,3,9,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,7,1,0,6,7,7,0,2,17,5,22,10,19,18,4,28,0,2,2,2,10,8,1,5,15,112,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987906760434376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770250251001963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230965292976776,0.1825880251971828,0.0,0.14475019549514054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000940641801616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105045808856545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322025688443425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147913919817336,0.0,0.0,0.2134089943491113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120064242938144,0.0,0.11399688623600356,0.0,0.0,0.1009894332698129,0.0,0.13017842403340693,0.09172846518768504,0.0,0.0,0.11389410396438207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079157443097353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958044792917476,0.1254419762946858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524945304013735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386064680350577,0.11600838362044028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592098809142819,0.0,0.21431215884654944,0.11234270041445356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25237679215765124,0.0,0.0,0.09156986070684513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632760632900012,0.11392210571314056,0.0,0.0,0.25288153088666104,0.0804527330237465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231060348244833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605978813782502,0.0,0.1172289463724031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015842866275055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187193069905446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011946166860412,0.0914021235847684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926820024869175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887718356637198,0.0,0.233298060254918,0.18851252654103745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254232042160262,0.0,0.0,0.07002847409192423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288978799013341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoneForMeThanx,2019/03/07,"I don't know where to start I'm 42. All of my life I've been insecure about my friendships, thinking no one really likes me, wants to hang out, I was that girl people made over in middle school. 
I'm not much to look at. I have been in the same job for 10 years. It's been bad for the past 3 or 4 because the supervisor I have really mucromamages and will quibble over things not done exactly her way. We got into an argument earlier about spending $20 on nothing and we're working for a large university. I think we'll be ok. 
I decided to take today off. I feel so unappreciated there and know how my weekends will play out and want to move back home to be closer to family, even though I've been saying that for the past 5 years and am pretty sure my problems and bad feelings will follow me there. 
I really just don't want to keep on feeling so stuck and sad. I'm trying to get a therapist. My meds will be adjusted next week, but I don't want another 40 years of being too broke to do fun things, not having a partner, not being close to my family, being in a lot of debt, and just reliving all the stupid things I've done and the bad things that have happened to me. 
Right now my pet is sleeping on me. I've thought that she's young and someone else could adopt her a number of times. She'll end up being ok. I'm really stupidly trying tonhold on for her. I'm going to be a fucking cat lady.
I want to be able to enjoy things again but I've been in this funk for at least the past 2 months and it sucks. I just want that to go away. 
I'm too scared to do anything deliberate to myself but I hope for accidents. I'm scared that I felt relief when I realized I had stepped into the street with a fire truck approaching and thought that would be a good way to go and I probably wouldn't feel anything. ",3.133194931773879,3.9761769315789515,4.742046783625736,86.13192007797272,73.10526315789474,8.155945419103315,24.863547758284607,8.515128840125781,1.3976325536062382,1414,41,314,24,27,478,192,380,0.142,0.743,0.115,-0.9484,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,0,0,1,19,23,4,3,17,2,39,3,1,2,4,65,79,22,0,11,11,0,6,1,1,8,1,1,2,2,15,20,0,1,14,2,2,8,9,13,0,1,15,8,35,10,52,45,6,54,0,2,1,1,10,25,2,3,20,202,50,3,0.09207012299193802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654355169895526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153173267894676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650291131404128,0.0707962414312747,0.23062412077998504,0.05612509241189986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351050139496942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843940376937546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691277357962319,0.0,0.08154680111053297,0.0,0.0,0.0608114479021646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735910358513838,0.0,0.18621368232955104,0.0,0.08840175659561478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511734510785016,0.04810283920909899,0.0,0.15697671795940607,0.07722405092823935,0.073636888122454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141730569552018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923538402998864,0.0914464065012658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091365390416463,0.08183615568185097,0.0,0.0,0.10119866350927513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503185070622534,0.044980811452312856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731571486021695,0.0,0.0,0.0782747261089902,0.0,0.08711897653741357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226915092057064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348949377195442,0.0978559699626972,0.06768213412320201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791762031469818,0.0,0.0,0.08834376615571328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238909813284872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636740510421201,0.06382983057299911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936684148895018,0.09926716480814148,0.08809867336157233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592991351549594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862738197250979,0.0,0.07321785722733556,0.1843565097554982,0.093179879857115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921366149336574,0.0,0.07801071643222701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651677069360161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677500131475263,0.0,0.06922527422175408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690050909774967,0.3058364931190464,0.11798963436921568,0.0904584283740317,0.1461867866461244,0.05368682912491501,0.0,0.08727171111944608,0.0,0.0,0.12501913973985218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258320639716604,0.1461619562390603,0.07385309907992554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702814608800338,0.0,0.0,0.06540397375259352,0.0,0.0,0.17787042170775474
suicidewatch,ineedhelp306,2019/03/07,"Don't have anyone else to talk to... Hi Reddit, I wasnt really sure who to turn to so here goes. My girlfriend and the love of my life has decided she is wanting to go back to school, and that's great. She feels like she never really got that start in life that everyone else had. The issue is that she doesn't want to continue with me. She says she loves me and says that it isnt on my behalf that she wants to end it with me, its because she needs to do this herself. I'm really scared, she has been my rock for the last four years, with my dad passing away and my life basically turned into a downward spiral. I don't want to say to her that I'm afraid that I may hurt myself because i dont want to guilt her into staying. But i am, i am honestly scared. I stared at the rivee yesterday for an hour thinking about how easy it would be for me to disappear. So im here at work hyperventilating because im about to lose the only one i care about. Am I wrong for wanting her to stay? Sorry for my rant. I feel selfish for not wanting to lose her.",2.6890639013452926,3.4863822421524686,4.291364910313902,89.11982763452917,74.11210762331841,7.548094170403588,23.35454035874439,7.8658589789855275,0.8744531390134531,812,21,188,11,16,273,118,223,0.138,0.754,0.107,-0.3436,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,3,9,16,0,4,7,0,20,5,0,1,2,28,41,8,0,9,2,1,2,1,1,2,3,3,0,0,14,9,0,0,4,1,0,3,8,9,0,2,4,6,36,7,36,34,0,22,0,3,1,2,24,8,0,1,10,128,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463545953722771,0.10936828570814756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028624043633017,0.08207687790286926,0.0,0.19520410677382832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882908293566317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509910472349692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783360302366859,0.0,0.09454042619785256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199514947772513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079424370518525,0.07625545506095911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066310232045573,0.0,0.08537015176774589,0.11768180976508265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511791956859333,0.0,0.11426794367829896,0.0,0.2305961756158323,0.1114093799465191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700777739321806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618197642853485,0.052148030670912865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388306969846245,0.0,0.0,0.1926749892360407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914674955776907,0.08232487611059873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233014474208865,0.08118098202063258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514214787846968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546530581199612,0.21373178061281586,0.10802711369163076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194872829507237,0.07555149563398303,0.2275424027191447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060168511694438,0.0,0.0,0.0857939937433495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839502082414388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322060879134589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407083058258581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770837619764415,0.0,0.0,0.07582540908284244,0.1167040117703131,0.0,0.06873740088406267
suicidewatch,Cliniqal,2019/03/07,"I did something really bad now my best friends hate me Okay so basically I tried it with my best friends girl and she was trying it back but she was more the pushy one, I know I should of told him but I was to curious of what was going to happen and I regret it more than anything now. It turns out it was all a test that them two setup because they knew I was friends with the girl but they wanted to test and I thought that was extremely fucked up tbh but it couldn’t outweigh what I did so I kept quiet about it. The boy said that he’s never been more angry and I know he’s told all my best friends and it only takes time for shit to go around. I don’t know what to do",0.29142857142857537,2.1795536530612267,1.8782585034013617,99.05126530612246,83.89795918367345,5.00843537414966,17.963265306122448,6.079149491110277,-0.5207257142857138,525,12,129,4,15,170,80,147,0.136,0.6759999999999999,0.188,0.7734,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,3,7,13,3,0,4,1,14,2,1,0,3,26,31,11,0,4,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,3,14,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,16,2,22,8,15,13,8,10,0,1,0,1,18,3,2,0,5,94,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502223660492098,0.13524644055327742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682179422725855,0.1268519488084013,0.09261274135709133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783112113364809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695109166492408,0.14045323274700272,0.0,0.0,0.17268620925990827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434774982698694,0.0,0.0,0.14999557188915133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504838365472516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717477543624638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294905826568633,0.1155466462552858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732775092134548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451651326894238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594995996948138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169601353848152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422952090344735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061235429352513,0.08858933155135279,0.0,0.0,0.2903438012972652,0.0,0.20629570047635407,0.1652519717711784,0.14840972545522085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960995094372604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ARC1001,2019/03/07,"I'm done. It's all too much Since I was 8, I've thought about suicide, but never so much as now. Eleven days ago, I found my girlfriend on the floor of our bathroom, bleeding. She passed minutes later while I tried to stop it. I tried. i tried so fucking hard, but now she's gone, and I could've stopped it. I can't function properly anymore. We were friends since first grade, but... She's gone and I just want to see her again. My gender dysphoria is out of control with no hope of a proper transition in sight and she was one of the only few that knew. So today, i turn out the lights. I join the forty three percent. i get lost in the numbers, fade into the crowd like i always have. The police gave me the knife back. If that's the last thing I share with her, so be it. I love you Maura. Now and always.",0.5437343852728489,2.6189390769230805,1.826696252465485,98.68870973044052,84.26627218934911,4.465614727153189,19.448060486522024,5.46131890053228,-0.4432842866535167,620,17,144,3,18,197,109,169,0.093,0.7659999999999999,0.141,0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,2,1,0,3,12,7,1,0,10,0,8,3,0,1,2,25,23,14,1,3,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,4,11,4,26,5,16,11,5,26,0,1,2,2,15,7,1,2,17,97,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847313643982288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27873649735329564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610883007300062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879238365506346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878585247366999,0.1337301600612177,0.0,0.0,0.10801963638971136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140429700322746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247012990853972,0.0,0.18364829252757345,0.12940528457749867,0.1548453073949196,0.08750859081029266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004153428332792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663591234772116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652979174308918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182900403414878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283925462166956,0.0,0.15116968242742995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462544114873908,0.0,0.12918153442604502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349812504410207,0.12738657279665624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334708629800461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771051833662539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28006461210721595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832110179585524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127542977191686,0.0,0.0,0.1329713578743128,0.0,0.0,0.15876452582077688,0.0,0.0,0.34115186097622585,0.18218514352472784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879217536074143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeedraXi,2019/03/07,"We you getting 'good' dreams days prior to committing suicide? I read an article about what people tend to dream about ( while they're asleep)  prior to  committing  suicide. It says that person sees ""good"" dreams: previously experienced happy moments, friends and family, sunny warm days. 


So I wanted to ask you guys, what kind of dreams you had or have you had any ?  


( This question is addressed to people who thought about committing suicide but decided not to or failed to attempt one 😕, I'm sorry if I hurt someone by asking this).

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suicidewatch,AllCanadianReject,2019/03/07,I wish everyone would stop caring so I can kill myself guilt free People care about me. I know that. I just don't care about myself anymore. I care more about them than I do about myself. I wish they'd stop caring about me so I could go ahead and die and nobody would be broken by it.,1.9969999999999999,3.489038033333337,3.0533333333333346,94.54500000000002,77.0,5.466666666666668,15.333333333333336,5.6839178017228535,-0.8387666666666664,222,2,50,1,5,71,37,60,0.233,0.455,0.312,0.7369,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,2,1,8,8,1,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,11,17,4,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,15,7,8,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296794175663614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7863067983251051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315075198807855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008022969844293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147386116407748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766004173767529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706473969667911,0.0,0.08476810302513199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693290734205796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579086689978132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354744445887269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914007924836829,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2286cm,2019/03/07,"I'm at a hotel room right now and I tried to hang myself. Hello everyone. I feel so depressed lately and I made a mistake. My only friend is now angry at me and to fix everything I need money which I don't have. I'm scared and told my parents that I will stay at a friend tonight. I checked in a hotel and tried to hang myself couple of times but I'm scared and I can't do this to my parents. Only if they weren't alive. My mom made pizza tonight and said that if I'm hungry she will save 3 slices. The next day she would be fucking devastated. I can't do this to them they love me. I'm not a bad person, I'm just stupid. I wish I had someone to hug. I just want to fix this. Tomorrow I'll ask my dad some money. I'll say it's for shopping. He wanted me to get new shoes. I hope everything will turn out okay tomorrow. If not I might be in jail. I will be alive though. I guess my parents would be less sad if I went to jail instead of killing myself. Should I mention this to my friend. I am scared that he will say I wish I went ahead and killed myself. Because I did dissapoint him and we were good friend. Met 2 months ago. Now I'm just enjoying my stay. I will try to get help. As soon as possible. It's 1 a.m. still and I feel lonely. I've never stayed at a hotel by myself. It's a nice feeling to sleep in a different be. Anyways. I will just let my heart stop one day. Love you all. Take care. ",-0.8671712669295388,1.1642868371335524,1.5516689525115732,98.32737656437513,91.05211726384366,4.534510543459627,16.87373564203669,6.05967700443912,-0.5439068403908798,1077,27,262,10,38,364,151,307,0.13,0.635,0.235,0.9886,4,2,0,0,0,3,37.0,1,1,3,1,13,26,4,3,9,1,29,8,3,2,2,45,62,19,2,14,11,5,3,0,4,11,0,3,1,1,11,12,1,1,3,4,4,4,7,12,0,1,11,6,50,14,27,34,3,37,0,3,0,4,31,10,1,8,20,161,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294786053780916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747922240157736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813052785213448,0.057041948791751826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540510819880528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035380452563308,0.0,0.12069520385231675,0.0,0.08059530014514435,0.0,0.0,0.09776509703130376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894141346153611,0.16819687028015007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194174399497747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891807031325261,0.08650781731100407,0.09777728901597417,0.0,0.0,0.07848557871784093,0.0,0.0,0.10308250383447186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108858483755508,0.06272079730286864,0.0,0.0,0.0929402698984055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070519217961768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555574564060148,0.0,0.0,0.09568593417744244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890869333278458,0.1770842945599617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926741268117012,0.0,0.10959294327190024,0.07469001404410673,0.0,0.0,0.06938406537530645,0.07217017272329779,0.09037452168625057,0.09951719709983001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340828296084883,0.14233475399112572,0.0,0.0,0.3117091440302464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170536062363018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549082297050744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799118344997945,0.08901046906348087,0.1488278801200853,0.2810522211274676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364175353725952,0.0,0.07928509514563371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992128615666512,0.07472845733865884,0.07823220059765003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035613444112647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193615221557903,0.0,0.05456385417167936,0.0,0.0,0.0894141346153611,0.0,0.19059216815251512,0.10178183232004942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038494613294426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348839612638428,0.0,0.0,0.21521136733709675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294481884118936,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Basic_Sir,2019/03/07,"what even is the point i have been constantly sad for the past 18 months, i rarely get more than a couple of hours of sleep due to insomnia, i don't have any friends that actually care about me, i was borderline kicked out by my mom at the age of 16 as i was forced to go to a boarding school, the only light i had left in my life was the girl i was seeing, she is amazing, funny, beautiful, everything perfect and we stopped seeing each other last week.

why shouldn't i just end it all, im suffering a miserable and pathetic existence only held alive by modern society, i'm not supposed to be alive, back in the old times i would have been killed by wild animals or other humans in fights, i went through the natural filter, and its terrible.",7.673528283796737,5.8550485100671175,7.9959923298178355,75.64744966442956,63.899328859060404,12.272674976030679,35.379674017257905,11.20814326018867,3.696521764141899,584,21,120,14,7,193,106,149,0.181,0.67,0.14800000000000002,-0.6862,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,4,10,2,1,10,0,16,3,1,0,2,15,24,5,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,9,3,15,4,20,12,3,23,0,3,2,0,7,7,0,1,14,78,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.17811201178436664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411903700905914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034568439772724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609007210359213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972379725482351,0.0,0.0,0.20195357115539497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616574747603381,0.0,0.0,0.12055194036439056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403612085848254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101356550207533,0.0,0.09535853533733664,0.0,0.10372963531737954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974424394868144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715161512723145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201930000309566,0.0,0.0,0.14877717547476804,0.0,0.0,0.19830720093244894,0.0,0.12891842010957566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21376380259446304,0.14568475798930208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915227686412848,0.0,0.0,0.27762753098986914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742348388525241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253925318920438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471876114129104,0.2908876919656793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265060431925215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259388228671053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642817506059754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640556512208458,0.0,0.0,0.1691967482339677,0.16469482028442628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965611271255664,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shrimpsizeduck,2019/03/07,"Everyday seems like the last one I really don’t see the point in living anymore. No matter what I do there is nothing worth it. Everything always just goes to shit. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that it might fail again and then my parents will be disappointed. 

I just wish I could be happy",3.4884999999999984,5.350990850000001,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,73.83333333333334,7.466666666666668,23.666666666666664,8.238735603445708,1.3730666666666669,241,7,47,4,5,78,49,60,0.201,0.657,0.14300000000000002,-0.6207,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,4,0,9,1,1,0,1,10,13,2,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,2,8,0,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,2,5,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040476558577163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319827303206054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579298683216406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039329408345207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610476103644544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796811404837024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998918995140351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980502455102872,0.0,0.21653902868845928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014600675392563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353009368102752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617146716987813,0.18650540430634932,0.0,0.0,0.2722944247192165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23181781043136096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709803896608393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541335257481915,0.22324451761229336,0.0,0.0,0.25172093936336626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291724130220805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28199776899905993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gsteorts,2019/03/07,"I don’t know what to do anymore I am so tired of being here. My life is one bad thing after another, and when something good actually does happen something awful comes along days after. I can never catch a break. Every friendship/relationship in general always end badly and I’m the only common factor. I wish I could kill myself without hurting my mom or my little brothers. I feel so hopeless and like there is no one I can actually talk to this about. I wish a semi would just crash into me so I don’t have to do it myself. ",3.679528301886791,5.041835396226414,5.6076886792452845,78.45794811320756,72.39622641509433,7.186792452830187,25.514150943396224,7.6454224807358475,1.4992679245283016,416,13,76,5,8,144,76,106,0.227,0.66,0.113,-0.9381,0,0,2,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,3,1,13,2,0,0,1,17,20,8,1,4,3,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,2,0,1,15,2,11,17,0,13,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,8,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.32251570254989514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374992672803721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732765500365704,0.0,0.0,0.1638812472762629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759497401309823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234620267827014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319367875847128,0.0,0.0,0.10657105184651856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446093160787075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636035358438582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922825677328998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355416771977857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860187334332896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612793496746007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690100746019702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282202099481445,0.0,0.09081577677957296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671928921784196,0.08073164586492597,0.16562153906691549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935360290493939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744916075501758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395214375503555,0.1256782702460182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741411423853146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25443140029226496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328197868858184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097831837970907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992784372249966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800532424553611,0.1592928200765903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738717636855335,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zehwo,2019/03/07,I’m outta here Just went to the pharmacy and bought everything I need peace 👋🏽,-0.8649019607843158,1.1138209411764706,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,104.2941176470588,6.972549019607843,17.43137254901961,7.793537801064563,1.1818784313725494,64,2,14,2,3,22,16,17,0.0,0.7879999999999999,0.212,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036165650810464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.498004167894959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.622606529936049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,utterbutterfly,2019/03/07,"There just isn't anywhere left to run The few positives are so crowded out by the obsessions, the trauma is now such a huge part of my life and my brain that it's taken control. I've tried therapists and moving to new countries etc. but nothing helps, because I'm simply not likeable or valuable or good at anything. I am simply not a person who can function normally, but I'm so close that I constantly fail at everything I aspire to, I can fake it up until I just start to feel secure, then I fuck everything up. I have driven away all my close friends with my mental illness and just being sort of crap, I still have some who don't know me well, but that's the worst part; the more people get to know me the more they realize what I truly am, and they need to get away for the sake of themselves. But I want so much to be good at something, to be normal, to be liked and loved for who I really am. I just don't think it's possible to break out of this prison I've built around myself when I'm not good enough to really function anyway.",8.412444444444446,5.304092497674418,8.435503875968994,77.13289405684755,63.55813953488372,11.602067183462536,35.05167958656331,9.444778638647367,2.9258268733850135,817,24,173,11,9,268,121,215,0.188,0.664,0.14800000000000002,-0.8979,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,3,15,16,2,1,9,0,16,6,2,1,1,37,32,17,0,4,13,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,11,11,0,2,5,0,0,3,6,7,1,0,2,1,21,9,30,26,11,26,0,1,0,2,10,14,2,4,9,127,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152428664618645,0.12466732248101825,0.0,0.0,0.263148669414287,0.0,0.0,0.08536847583850035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633350249496436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133595689686674,0.15706932832433604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447011139113947,0.15618416395404308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517219478079721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080958604077932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819632038894897,0.12946683394210615,0.14633262558030338,0.0,0.0,0.3523824679398169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386739027218603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392715253415545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215635014354098,0.0,0.09891600596403248,0.06841758562251828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639362794506698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112968288018687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884278401013953,0.10294719141290272,0.1038395783109231,0.0,0.13525370949641025,0.0,0.0,0.2744234069260712,0.13437434741661286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033042907486191,0.0,0.09708768600426064,0.1222795197572723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787663224513604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942934484377546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781139123360806,0.0,0.0,0.09912264863974134,0.0,0.11183794803459032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259988422040828,0.0,0.08973344023132733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950795174812826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260056683272912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259148307411584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,harleyquinnxo92,2019/03/07,"Broken I thought I was doing so well. I thought after a lengthy hospital stint last year that I was strong again, that is until my partner of 8 months dumped me by text. I can only see one way out and I’ve been told it’s the cowards way out. Nothing is right anymore. Nothing is the same and I feel like I’ve been shattered into little tiny pieces with the only way to be put back together is suicide. I’m so lost and I just can’t cope anymore. Why can’t I just die already? I just feel like everyone would be better off without me. I can’t stop sobbing, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I just can’t move out of bed. Why can’t whoever is up there end my suffering already, I’m done ",0.4195918367346961,2.339549598639461,2.52043537414966,94.44718367346941,83.62585034013605,5.280544217687075,23.40544217687075,6.42735559955562,0.4947164625850342,529,20,121,5,15,178,86,147,0.174,0.7190000000000001,0.107,-0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,1,0,4,0,22,2,1,0,0,20,31,6,2,1,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,8,1,1,4,0,0,2,8,4,1,1,9,3,17,5,14,19,2,22,0,3,1,0,2,8,1,0,11,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107609197728088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792790065718759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826940670584026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452949097274713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613208169168335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409114123606387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407740691114249,0.0,0.0,0.1247103461497644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454403484858618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238923210282134,0.20118048075133446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477386418505844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757921806673207,0.14112236654978447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370394629424927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238822469870753,0.14965212271573256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27021002681685297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541227758980984,0.2141752216640812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415466776399784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024564899057574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220237359740763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409054553331806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771825527105785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401646940141597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235649285671995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454403484858618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352904327625218,0.0,0.0,0.12659949776619914,0.0,0.2541070009561132,0.0,0.0,0.13572980827400122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002295731012438,0.0,0.0,0.09067301050395828
suicidewatch,whatisagirlfriend212,2019/03/07,"The worst thing is not even having a bad life and still wanting it to stop Life isn't even the problem. I haven't faced adversity or had terrible life events or even really had the struggles that everyone else does. It's just me. My family supports me and I have friends but I'm still a fuck up.  That's the worst part. Knowing that you have been given every chance to make something of yourself and be what you want but you consistently fuck it up or can't even begin to be motivated to try. 

19yrs old going to a community college and I'm to fucking stupid to even pass a basic college algebra class. I can't even talk to a girl let alone have a relationship with one. So what do I have to look forward to in my life? I get to work a shitty job I hate forever because I'm to stupid to go to school. I get to live alone in my parents garage till I die because let's be real I'm not gonna outlive them or ever have enough money to move out. 

All my friends move forward in life. Getting girlfriends, fiancés, making new connections, moving out and graduating but I only go backwards. Oh you and your girl have been together for 4 years? Wow that's great! I've been alone for 19 and I don't see a future where I won't be. Oh you are moving out to go to college? How awesome! I'm still living in a garage cause my parents knew I wouldn't make it at a real school so they didn't even let me try. Oh spring break is next week just hold on till then so you can see your friends. Oh you mean the friends that come back from college and spend all their time home fucking the girls they liked from high school while I sit at home high as fuck and drunk as fuck alone just like every night. 

Nothing is fun anymore. My friends gave up on me a long time ago. I can barely get up to take the trash out so fuck even thinking about trying to do something productive 

The only think that keeps me grounded are drugs and alcohol but I don't want to live as a druggy fuck up failure.  I feel like I'm going down an escalator watching everyone else go up. 

""But it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem"" well when the problem is me how is it temporary?",1.8874503110719625,3.825540142212191,3.300651874690306,90.64321808071355,78.72911963882619,6.308407201453504,24.12316247315972,7.313800181584829,0.9330428783791224,1685,59,364,22,41,551,199,443,0.17800000000000002,0.6779999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.9755,4,4,5,0,0,0,31.0,0,9,4,2,26,33,11,1,24,0,39,17,1,7,3,58,87,33,1,7,14,2,1,3,6,3,7,0,2,3,15,16,2,3,7,1,2,14,11,20,1,1,9,5,41,13,53,68,6,65,0,0,4,8,27,26,8,4,30,227,56,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052155391639306166,0.06287878858881772,0.0,0.2437492757704225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835042819827321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045241970168873887,0.04912638195479877,0.07173289726374517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060441738210043575,0.0,0.050682808538023066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610634479467777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148859710853694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823216351247255,0.0,0.0983014165030939,0.0,0.0,0.06079428053624896,0.0,0.3108899180289405,0.05322137493997295,0.09914530838693847,0.11244242295624067,0.0,0.0,0.055466224666715455,0.0,0.029749721491810908,0.042033117136406235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272863448288101,0.4351503763895523,0.1229594776524288,0.0,0.20063031165351816,0.0,0.0,0.06486792703191795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058089290904665226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243289014889094,0.11803648338830106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058386577932979265,0.05229696999787405,0.0,0.0,0.032335240000424516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804942528610224,0.20779133116366152,0.0862342613995732,0.0,0.15586227099496,0.05206883476597948,0.0494082057828831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782233020877625,0.0,0.0,0.06409066935352455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501373962456048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682507712917875,0.0625737463984595,0.05521447648194176,0.0,0.056455624652089476,0.0,0.061739464399729424,0.0,0.03986942893471719,0.08949627862803862,0.0,0.0,0.1306629038132536,0.06371466549632257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168896998127116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393862301392526,0.037692446284647615,0.0,0.0,0.06316884760331645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786383539411696,0.0937708369080208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059109203088354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096175358214524,0.04919031105227066,0.0,0.06150913789058929,0.0,0.0,0.06676745502610819,0.0,0.0,0.0442380517377181,0.047290898542687886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039088644307980085,0.0754006626686577,0.0,0.0,0.06861657829925003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198392473166671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411064358959324,0.0,0.04719543916319908,0.0,0.05290146935869227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283398842200045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788905620853271
suicidewatch,OTrevelin,2019/03/07,"What if my ""problem"" is not temporary? I've been depressed for a few years now, it started in 2013 after my father died, and then a bunch of other terrible e some not so terrible stuff happened. Then it just got worse and worse over time. I've never talked to anyone about being depressed, because I'm extremely shy, even with people from my family. I know it sounds weird, because we're supposed to be close to our families, but for some reason, I'm still very shy and introvert around them, also with friends and especially strangers.

All of this makes it really hard  for me to get help, the only ""help"" I can get is from online forums, websites, articles e a couple of podcasts I listen to about depressions and such.

And one thing I noticed about all of this, is that they always mention that suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. But what if it's not? They always tell  me that things ate going to get better, for years I've been listening to this, and it never does.

What if this is it? My entire life? For ever? Then I guess there is no reason to stick around and wait for it to get better like they say.

I work 10 hours a day, in a boring repetitive job that I hate, with people that treat me like shit because they know I'll never do anything to get back at them (because I'm a wimp).

At night, I go to college, I study journalism. The only reason that I chose this course was because I was kind of good at writing back when I was a kid. But now in college with a bunch of other people, I fell so inferior, everyone is so much better than me at literally everything.

Plus, most of the stuff I gotta do for college are things that require other people, basically being a sociable person, which I'm NOT. Not that I hate people and I'm a anti social person, it just the way I am. My parents and my two brothers are extremely friend, extroverts and likable people, yet I am nothing like them. I'm constantly being compared to the rest of my family, especially my brothers.

""Oh you're ****'s brother? How is that possible? They're so nice and friendly, and you sooo... *Makes sad face*"".

These are things I'm hearing since I was a kid, and even though I started to be depressed in my teenage years, the sentence ""things are going to get better"" doesn't do anything to me anymore. I'm 19 years old and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth to keep going.

I just feel so disconnected and disposable, always and everywhere. I work at my shitty job for 2 years now, and I'm in the second semester at college, and I have literally zero friends, I feel so lonely and lost. I have no idea why I'm still in college, or even getting out of my bed  every morning. I'm constantly tired, sleepy and hungry. Everyday it gets worse and worse and I don't know for how long I can keep doing this.

I know I'm supposed to go to a therapist or something, but being extremely introverted, shy and with constant social anxiety I just have no idea how to even leave my house. Just going to the dentist for the first time a year and a half ago to get braces to fix my teeth and hopefully my self-esteem was such a challenge, I can't even imagine going to a total stranger and tell them all of this fucked up shit and so much more that I can't type here.

Sorry for the long text, I know no one is going to waste their time reading this, but I just had to get it out of my chest. Also sorry for my bad english, it's not my native language.",3.280617463393625,4.772463018895351,4.694877260981915,84.09529931093887,73.60755813953489,7.480017226528855,26.40353143841516,8.10692912299908,1.6518942937123169,2679,94,532,41,54,893,273,688,0.181,0.7190000000000001,0.1,-0.9959,3,2,1,0,0,1,97.0,1,1,9,10,44,38,5,0,28,0,42,10,5,8,8,101,102,57,2,7,23,5,3,3,4,1,3,5,1,4,46,39,1,4,14,1,1,9,17,21,0,7,11,8,65,17,81,84,14,71,0,8,0,1,37,19,3,12,45,377,111,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820492849689193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697594544191814,0.13574650519188985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160084422869699,0.0,0.05393072759405716,0.03802402827301174,0.0,0.08950084357087477,0.09682014054610223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836303158120853,0.04540534842149218,0.1657488839978219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238011872115104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629762545029953,0.0,0.0,0.06017085957285634,0.0,0.03507084832505552,0.0,0.1873509771315359,0.0,0.05643825210641752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047588639717006234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958865083201875,0.04919016985300893,0.04581781817158116,0.051962786475731736,0.048873581866285175,0.0,0.15379495638011076,0.0,0.05499271128986855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625592608779845,0.0,0.0,0.16805659635826625,0.050273787905576336,0.2841150570415582,0.0,0.2472449993141469,0.04561168528760505,0.04349296011058831,0.0,0.059906122887356514,0.0,0.04808839318465247,0.0,0.04871414186513976,0.10737873981888456,0.0,0.0,0.0612906440037598,0.0,0.07290004901029823,0.0,0.0,0.054011990615385766,0.05355372326317204,0.06274766085170466,0.0,0.12277766664225286,0.0,0.0,0.10792827839936496,0.09667156626053316,0.0,0.056628800723719286,0.14943018191963864,0.0,0.0,0.05758097379938571,0.0,0.0,0.038410472805152716,0.0797025249756904,0.0,0.0,0.0962498555918777,0.0,0.0,0.059362612030728325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259865598466574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799516773366281,0.0,0.1258245116816173,0.0,0.0,0.051032305714668234,0.0,0.05217944423506867,0.06191242659434538,0.0570630643022999,0.0,0.07369910993292368,0.08271746364859456,0.0,0.0,0.060382979952232886,0.0,0.0,0.2262030630920048,0.09496570595403303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061305711146747176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406936479821792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439509920770071,0.0,0.034837465905539315,0.16773627261194232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043245463312839565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056730599498055874,0.0,0.11164136357774417,0.04498401485477616,0.0,0.0,0.1108679045822455,0.0,0.04186467569838952,0.0,0.12174877339416547,0.11547214516534085,0.0,0.08685648838528158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245050565221977,0.059483312822143676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04370889204647467,0.09506170349013396,0.0,0.0,0.0631398161510884,0.18063955083855346,0.0,0.053428450295125766,0.0,0.09512891610971913,0.06250225070021424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053121732513627784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486951123501486,0.0,0.04316461690925643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049069837423601784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589732057641562,0.07917913313350003,0.0,0.22167302491519966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011510272743145
suicidewatch,hyperman2019,2019/03/07,Activisim Mods  are not suicidal there gaycidal (and sorry for ruing  all  the sucide  discusions  with  this  bad post  please dont  ban  me I wana help people,6.2603571428571465,7.915164321428572,6.305714285714287,74.78928571428574,66.5,9.885714285714286,28.285714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.0561571428571432,123,4,20,3,2,39,28,28,0.208,0.493,0.299,0.5406,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034230058788294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259009497100729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435787056855685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519351270590507,0.0,0.0,0.3989030017076474,0.0,0.0,0.348035812253678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067954554868288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974995502420243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DotQwap,2019/03/07,"I don't know what to do anymore I feel like I've already failed at life before it's even began, I've been 18 for a few months and I still can't drive, still never had a job, and still fail everything at school. I can't build myself up anymore. I used to be stronger than this, and I had some level of ambition, but now I just live in my own filth (my parents basement, who woulda fucking guessed?) And every day just feels the same as the next. Before this, I have had one actual plan to commit suicide during my freshman year, and it really wasn't well thought out because it just came down to ""a fistful of pills"" but at least then I came to my senses, but now I wish I hadn't. Me and my parents just argue, and nothing important is said. I hate that people care about me, I have friends and even a boyfriend, but I know all I'll do is let them down, and waste the time they've given me. I know I'm not special either, so I rarely talk about things like this, and I feel worse because tons of other people deal with things like this everyday and I'm not at that level. I don't know how to fix anything, and I'm just rotting here. So far I don't have reliable means of suicide, but self harm works for now I guess",6.604791666666664,4.494242812500005,6.78859375,84.38869791666667,66.1875,9.627083333333333,31.88020833333333,7.492282038375204,1.8554489583333336,944,27,214,7,12,305,138,256,0.168,0.7390000000000001,0.093,-0.9726,3,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,1,4,20,13,3,0,7,0,20,3,0,2,3,48,44,22,2,1,13,2,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,14,16,0,0,9,0,0,3,10,6,1,1,12,4,30,7,26,30,8,30,0,2,0,1,10,12,1,3,18,145,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.1115441650539753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613724936004764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22671760476663036,0.0,0.0,0.0940624101704943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935725197547358,0.0,0.19452848233697576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26146653200298786,0.1165404933091164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371659056076363,0.1178423516868776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099335972760974,0.0,0.09630600637991887,0.0,0.10272901842243083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338653221650174,0.08165876354548535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831094695766974,0.10567215838706616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25183737171336645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285148458334232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342903135608001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512738428427619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168835315248081,0.08073625909413491,0.16752940635583288,0.0,0.10093248054493427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245105091118352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123632105554316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815825158806942,0.0,0.12156354582804185,0.0,0.0,0.109677721243393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745531361636149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538420153810467,0.0,0.0,0.15848793116333895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322603623758046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872923022861587,0.0,0.0,0.11568169813417654,0.0,0.0,0.119243946901539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738498424317793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25005993444276603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091873183933012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187692849428452,0.0,0.0,0.09074456712079,0.06665155149516233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872191147142707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277297692558264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144389953906468,0.0,0.0,0.08321463575759078,0.0,0.11648548863562355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360799513996516
suicidewatch,muchachaganj,2019/03/07,Pills If I take a bunch of painkillers before I kill my self will it help me hasten it lets say I want to hang myself ,-2.163846153846152,-0.6850389230769203,-0.4004615384615367,107.19546153846157,111.30769230769228,2.08,9.046153846153846,3.1291,-2.3994061538461544,92,1,23,0,5,29,23,26,0.17,0.6859999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451833335943708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719026309412058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487982032973805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148106906434958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32259389151772444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231876238166644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050027882301892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392663881879424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NegligentNonmember,2019/03/07,hi I just want to wish everyone stamina in life.,1.4680000000000002,3.583901800000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,81.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.7100000000000004,38,2,8,1,1,13,10,10,0.0,0.4920000000000001,0.508,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442727750498275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023220470364896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359621004774664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6550065525250088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blueoctokat,2019/03/07,"I'm honestly worthless I've been suffering for awhile now. I think of killing myself daily now but I'm too scared to do it. I'm 26, my husband and I are $18,000 in debt. I have no friends. The only ""friend"" I had kept blowing me off and when I told her my thoughs of suicide she just said ""oh no I'm so sorry, im here if you need me"" obviously not since she never wants to hang out or even text me to check in. I live in pain every day. My shoulders have been killing me for years and lately my foot. I can barely walk but I cant afford to go to the doctor. I have quit every job I've had without a notice. All I've ever worked is shitty food service jobs and manufacturing jobs.  I have nothing to show for my life. No accomplishments, no school, no money. No house, no friends, no savings, nothing. I can't even have kids like a real woman is supposed to. I have never been happy in my own body. I am ugly and fat. My self esteem is the absolute worst. My smile is fake. My laugh is fake. I haven't been truly happy in awhile. My emotions are numb and it's like I can't feel anything. The only reason I am still here is because of my husband and my animals. The loaded gun kept on the nightstand taunts me more and more every day though. The past week I keep breaking down and crying at nothing. Living is becoming too painful lately in more ways than one. I know I need help and I've been depressed for a really long time. But I am too scared to get help because I feel like I am overreacting and being stupid. Hopefully one day I get the courage to shoot myself and get off of this hell hole. I'm not sure if I see a light at the end of the tunnel here. ",0.6966253968253966,2.7097867228571464,2.6988095238095227,93.02980158730159,83.2,5.1460317460317455,20.29365079365079,6.286939319323684,0.05775555555555556,1283,37,286,11,36,430,176,350,0.3,0.6,0.1,-0.9981,5,0,0,2,0,2,42.0,0,1,0,3,17,29,4,2,14,0,33,10,4,1,6,43,56,22,3,6,10,2,2,3,3,0,6,1,0,3,3,13,2,3,5,1,3,3,17,15,0,2,11,5,47,14,33,44,6,36,1,3,1,0,16,13,1,4,21,185,50,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550065036557135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118572566685888,0.10132827493620168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019111610529434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078068804410344,0.17750928941695476,0.0,0.07902227540936456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939077962921647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320396488365956,0.08126134916072986,0.0,0.0,0.121197158776325,0.08299116896153287,0.23190452283591104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927809236672336,0.06554467129385225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094184565171623,0.0,0.21265244801674324,0.0,0.14380337031104512,0.0,0.052142408672022765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533455172360453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229932789985601,0.0,0.0,0.09112630130176333,0.0,0.10586468270481574,0.0,0.0,0.09910340525983777,0.0,0.27313670643346505,0.08154969085569412,0.20301077058773687,0.0,0.05042221042416969,0.0,0.20699110712487326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480420880819142,0.13447007271339406,0.0,0.16203003751105924,0.08119394639028724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605971348787516,0.14152317207110596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641035649463148,0.10445551767078354,0.0,0.0,0.12434141421009386,0.1395567248953105,0.19525232920761526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758368950739168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758511544743477,0.0,0.10442912181018313,0.05877601211375773,0.094332054439016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727320064549543,0.0,0.18371117573317067,0.09285370668998387,0.07311114545871081,0.0,0.09571300083535314,0.0,0.0,0.07589475678853486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270418920902044,0.0,0.0,0.07326993914158432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035723965918106,0.0,0.08647124821859023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058788307727899676,0.1802835631202608,0.0,0.05349890010938341,0.0,0.0,0.08766898762508983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05411524988837034,0.0728251605103334,0.07359457868618513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844163842210112,0.0,0.0667935162223073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908259734255096
suicidewatch,Mollyneonfox,2019/03/07,"Done I finally ""cleared"" my soul. I believe not doing this prevented me succeeding last time. 3rd times the charm!",3.0983333333333327,6.220433500000002,3.5300000000000047,81.62833333333334,89.0,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.9321666666666655,90,5,15,3,3,28,19,20,0.0,0.672,0.328,0.7443,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786228785449698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43473491582591495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653658641598005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462822610569907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954279980453488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gameoldtime,2019/03/07,"I’m sitting in my living room and I have nine hours before SO gets home. I have no reason to wait I’m gonna do it, I’m just working up the energy to get off the couch. I hid a paring knife in my pad drawer so I can put myself in the shower and call 911 so he doesn’t have to find me himself. 

I don’t know why I’m posting this I guess he’ll just find it later. I love you Steven, tell my parents I love them too and tell rach it wasn’t her fault. ",-0.7940000000000005,0.588873076190481,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,84.90476190476191,4.5809523809523816,15.261904761904766,4.935628992294339,-1.1514952380952383,343,5,91,1,10,120,67,105,0.064,0.828,0.107,0.7351,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,0,11,21,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,17,2,8,18,0,11,0,0,0,2,12,6,0,1,2,52,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000171608393334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160020996785268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866804880764202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103785537169246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330309604942457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121880447273606,0.0,0.2083205350065128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625475708064087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679033001680934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818393381904259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348859037703371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025931946324473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265229618522846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749443313712444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697839052642224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087850782164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400086465197935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SamoF82M4,2019/03/07,"Goodbye Goodbye... and no, i’m not writing this for attention. Today, at 12am GMT+2, when everyone’s sleeping. Im fucking ending it. I fucking had enough. Excuse my language but i’m fucking sick of this shit. What am i going to do? Well, either jump off from my window in my room, hang myself, or fucking choke myself to death, or even fucking putting up 2 pencils up my nostrils and smashing my damn head on the table to force the two pencils up my brain...
Im sorry, but believe me, i suffered for more than 8 years. Social anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD... MAN! I cant deal with it anymore. 
I cant but overthink everything. What’s going to happen to my parents? Well, now idgaf... because they’re going to relax from me and all the shit things I do. Friends? Well i dont have friends or anyone that loves me. 
Im going to write a suicide note in a minute telling my parents not to get upset or mad... and i’ll beg them not to do a funeral for me cause i dont want one and dont want them to pay for my shit. 
I’ve had enough of this shit world. Im done... please! Dont try to tell me not to do it. At the end, it might not prevent me from doing so. 
Im sorry for coming with a lot of negative and shit energy but i guess this is what this subreddit is for...
Goodbye...",0.8354368650217694,2.730014060377357,3.03481132075472,91.45810957910015,81.98113207547169,5.435413642960813,23.777213352685052,6.490185161304077,0.656965166908563,966,36,210,9,26,329,135,265,0.258,0.635,0.107,-0.9943,2,0,0,0,0,2,58.0,0,0,2,0,7,22,12,1,8,0,19,16,9,1,1,34,37,16,3,2,14,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,14,9,0,1,1,1,1,8,13,15,3,2,3,1,28,7,36,33,6,25,0,2,0,6,15,11,11,7,6,141,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391754929933993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978226755874744,0.0,0.07750085957250376,0.0546422235900323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476377069477176,0.0,0.0,0.08804494722528396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723793537153324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027853110893274,0.0,0.06731675068258819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056616123109761,0.06730792637703319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997154845009072,0.3663509700937572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384301547449651,0.16149355348828998,0.0,0.051615379320346516,0.0,0.0,0.07467284046239073,0.07023351573401765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207524101346462,0.3612283711408015,0.040828600170115414,0.0,0.17765104261231024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608776896860884,0.0,0.06910516459788647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020140290297555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220610372446932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643781423872246,0.07053074977579127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290165421991187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295445309511673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735460676544994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578197685893306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855935411247719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40108403998590864,0.0,0.0,0.07820347143755725,0.0796610604700351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495841444916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548017205768728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366079053923927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051917417351222864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740742512925033,0.0,0.0,0.05305670677630901,0.0,0.07633829758010609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218629143471974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107907075171276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032412812077863
suicidewatch,jackmonte,2019/03/07,Hemlock and other poisons Has anyone else looked into them? It seems that even the seeds of the Hemlock plant are highly poisonous.,6.231739130434782,8.980478478260874,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,68.56521739130434,4.6000000000000005,28.89130434782609,3.1291,1.1708434782608692,107,4,15,0,2,31,21,23,0.268,0.732,0.0,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030636058437264,0.4440991887391715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620742788381135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862757396400946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579414920629847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639711636700466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945774458016885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crue-lty,2019/03/07,"- I'm not sure why do I even write this, I'll regret it the second I post it and I might as well delete it but then I know I'll repost it. And again. And again.
I just can't handle shit anymore and tonight I wish I were dead, I don't care how. I'm just so fucking done. In the middle of another borderline breakdown and I can't do it anymore
I feel like deleting all my social media again but then I know people will seem worried and will call me or whatever and I don't know what do I even expect. I don't know what do I expect from posting anywhere. What the fuck do I want, bpd? Just let me die already.
I can't even do it. I would've almost attempted twice two years ago when I was in the same state as now and I'm still alive. I have so many regrets. Everything is just awful. Even when I get back on the right dose of meds it won't be ok. Nothing is ok. It's only getting covered up with temporary mental stability. Why can't I be ok?
I could just do it but my girlfriend would be worried. But why should I care, she didn't cat a hint when I sent suicide relating lyrics and she knows me well enough. Everything is wrong
And when I wake up again I'll either want to die just as much or I'll laugh at myself for having been in such a horrible state.
The only thing going through my head now is twenty one pilots lyrics (as always these days) oh god my fucking boss is texting me. What the fuck does she want. Fuck off
All I can think of is song Anathema and it's so fucking depressing. ""You'll never know what's under my skull so won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye?""
I'm a goner, that's it
And when this episode is over, I'll fucking laugh at this shit
It's never ok
I wonder if I'll delete this or let it stay",-0.3612626262626257,1.7532395641711247,1.7545418894830682,97.2863879976233,89.18716577540106,4.607866904337493,18.204159239453357,6.079149491110277,-0.3267993345216871,1343,37,314,12,45,447,174,374,0.208,0.695,0.097,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,2,0,1,32,25,9,0,10,5,44,13,5,2,5,61,75,37,4,12,16,0,1,1,1,8,1,3,0,0,25,13,0,0,10,1,0,2,13,13,2,4,6,4,44,12,23,55,6,41,0,3,0,7,12,13,9,8,22,212,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241849804090307,0.0,0.08180665638893997,0.0,0.09015347201060787,0.0,0.06797754452937424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566528847014981,0.0,0.0,0.16204078762886345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281911466986304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289314311316043,0.0,0.08342066180254387,0.0,0.16658885705769436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522753924800502,0.0,0.0,0.052687105653203024,0.0,0.07036457056064402,0.0,0.16957492011897152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149264441575642,0.0836032836940951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441371730769401,0.0,0.21583752141502333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684603848603128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413079085374649,0.05836357690585985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286858890016711,0.08536548582612984,0.0,0.046429670307490144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384357649078733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26938762505904856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707921317904362,0.0,0.03991249670096297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282683357690032,0.0,0.0,0.09074574283869834,0.0,0.08233026569282317,0.0866664538924431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005589645198658,0.0,0.12601784972118632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838943232446392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535926527344455,0.12426684710403516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056637659924582286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648420453396586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976786372362763,0.0,0.12993573884880846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437289133823911,0.0,0.0,0.167719362348186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327869557265341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707697377077263,0.06524246202724678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936206955175922,0.0,0.07699743161309816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427513478981656,0.05234744261452183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980503657868862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445590992964197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690887498680535,0.0,0.22115356475786446,0.0,0.09394626867306337,0.0,0.08859573324276752,0.0,0.16593233148353304,0.0,0.11606886591620312,0.0893216565389856,0.0,0.052609489768291114
suicidewatch,BabyPowda,2019/03/07,"Intense depression and guilt after bird's death. I've always been suicidal ever since my dad taught me what it was as a child. Always fantasized about it, never man enough to do it because ""well something might happen tomorrow"".

This past Monday, I woke up to my two month old parrot underneath me, suffocated. I accidentally fell asleep without putting her back in her cage. She never got to see the world, I never got to see her fly. She never got to try different fruits. She was completely innocent and the sweetest bird I've ever met. I've had birds my entire life. I am 19 and work a restaurant job so I obliterated my bank account to buy her. I did not regret that for a second.

My life is now a fog. I feel intense guilt and regret for not just staying awake 5 more minutes and putting her back in her cage before bed. I work late nights so I tried to spend as much time with her as possible when I got home. She died because she loved me and wanted to cuddle. I killed her because I was ignorant and tired.

I miss her and I hate myself. I have not eaten because I no longer deserve any human luxury. She is buried in my backyard with flowers and a note describing how much I loved her and always will. I did not sleep in the house Monday night because I couldn't bear to relive the circumstance in which she died. I am a monster for what I've let happen. If I can't take care of an innocent baby bird, why should I take care of a worthless and stupid barely-functioning monster of an adult human? If she never got to experience beautiful parts of life, why should I?

I talk to her everyday and I apologize to her. I have not killed myself because my other 10 year old bird has a bond with me and it's comforting to feel him snuggle up to me and chirp in my ear, but I'm scared she sees me with him and is jealous. I can't look at his eyes without panicking because my mind reverts back to her dead, cloudy eyes. I don't even believe in afterlife but I am so unable to let go of her. I miss her sleepy chirp, her nibbling on my nails and necklace, and her beautiful turquoise color. I miss everything about her and my life is ruled by regret and self hatred. I don't look forward to anything now. I am taking drugs when I'm out of the house.

I am having panic attacks and seizure-like spirals of destruction and self harm. I cannot live with myself. I want to die, so I can be with her again. I want to quit eating, become skin and bones so anyone who sees me will know that I am no longer fit for society. I want to be visibly broken, and I want to die. I want to suffocate myself so that I can feel her pain. I want to buy new blades so I can add newer and deeper scars to my leg. I have withdrawn emotionally from most everything and everyone, ans my fiancé is suffering for that. I am affecting people around me out of grief and that is just one more reason to die.

I haven't had real friends since before I graduated in 2016 so I don't want to hear any ""it's just a bird"" my birds are my children, and my best friends. I willingly dedicate my life to them and now, I want to take my life in mourning for my baby who never got to experience the wonders of the world.",2.5565631586342583,4.285577819165379,4.06242405507939,86.88934494871437,76.06336939721794,7.178406632007871,24.43751580722214,8.00094639256281,1.3240592890262748,2487,82,516,40,55,826,277,647,0.183,0.733,0.084,-0.9976,3,0,2,0,0,2,64.0,0,0,1,4,28,34,7,4,19,0,49,23,8,3,8,88,97,46,12,17,14,1,4,0,2,6,9,2,3,8,17,38,3,1,6,0,5,5,23,25,1,3,18,16,116,9,77,68,8,59,0,11,9,3,52,21,0,5,34,359,133,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570131624263513,0.0,0.0,0.0793848976511853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040812475874745235,0.0,0.048032141581357414,0.05196016610675452,0.0,0.06640237307746595,0.0,0.1346448706843329,0.0,0.24906543812770396,0.06446320693086015,0.099334256779943,0.06576109185242977,0.06125393489123819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902075365575973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119805712116761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050272535430693883,0.0,0.3028854262846244,0.06098245549728312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676887029039375,0.05972534751449893,0.0,0.06565648678583885,0.0,0.06031006173099825,0.0,0.03855171486216271,0.10559494675241757,0.0,0.05577341659327996,0.10491533756016537,0.11419080426602378,0.0,0.0,0.08853830609515878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019041506093796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03317205273862997,0.0,0.28009479255955433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322979841127924,0.0,0.0,0.057626617001929475,0.0,0.0,0.06578532163375432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058548168815105585,0.0,0.0,0.13469837421326186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792153617641916,0.0,0.12915176264305614,0.0,0.03207769387696699,0.0,0.06584199020381902,0.0,0.0,0.1193710925448878,0.2473635591856277,0.0,0.0,0.051540282530551366,0.0,0.09802935126460832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053593479375634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061919547568408624,0.05893534895496229,0.0,0.046589024057100664,0.0,0.08581484000111958,0.0,0.270103409906331,0.056372472530307575,0.0,0.10954940022968553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249543464754993,0.0,0.039551873943120805,0.0,0.0621079916211329,0.06848262957579937,0.0,0.0632071861918314,0.05571915148104498,0.040465233321024516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580149370803479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735253559615062,0.0,0.062081876893893474,0.0,0.0664359093559654,0.0,0.06001233860286419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058436855577850014,0.0,0.1860479279500012,0.0,0.12178174320460294,0.0,0.0,0.09656572984997508,0.0,0.0584104577316076,0.0,0.0,0.044934772683126435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221284680926077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384545193563143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554280485777354,0.04691423247822285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03403502793762133,0.06708578008896285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925649518027836,0.0,0.05701735258218031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098442461868669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052480115802684656,0.0,0.10533663301790906,0.0,0.0,0.11252992597570276,0.06329793677368771,0.08498564217321039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037587274636852894
suicidewatch,human356,2019/03/07,"Is calling the suicide hotline good? Is it helpful
can they help me to be happy",-0.2177083333333308,1.803494312500004,1.9775000000000027,90.38416666666667,105.875,2.1333333333333333,30.33333333333333,3.1291,1.0111083333333335,63,4,11,0,3,21,15,16,0.163,0.399,0.438,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213520394411915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461032351710575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392634362370901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531683963769118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513616823544685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LNAKL,2019/03/07,"having a very bad flashback rn and my thoughts are racing diagnosed with cptsd, bipolar 1 and add. something happened couple of minutes ago and now I have difficulties coping with the feelings rn. ",9.234705882352939,10.128654823529416,8.045882352941177,67.65647058823532,59.58823529411765,9.15294117647059,43.470588235294116,8.841846274778883,4.422988235294119,160,9,22,2,2,49,30,34,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.7178,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430051511061466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32308456587266443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42814947399631625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927430399662387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565201976115631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421759368819937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29789069005385593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30719268006407435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192717832206209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TzHeHe,2019/03/07,"I'll kill myself TODAY!!! Hello,
I keep it short because i will kill myself today.
My parents and my brother were punching me like a punchingbag, believe it or not they really fucking hurt me and my face is all blue and shit. I just wanted to get them pizza and because it was not my money they just fucking nearly killed me and im now in my room figuring out how to effectivly kill myself tonight. My ear still hurts and i cant see shit like a fucking idiot ass whatever. I will DEFINITELY hang myself tonight.
Bye yall ",1.9108304195804169,4.306491009615389,3.868426573426575,84.16748251748253,81.21153846153847,6.08951048951049,24.839160839160837,7.348242739294969,1.396473076923077,411,16,77,6,11,139,65,104,0.319,0.616,0.065,-0.9891,1,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,1,3,0,5,14,10,0,2,0,6,9,5,1,1,17,13,8,4,1,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,7,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,12,0,0,2,3,22,2,5,9,1,12,0,2,2,4,8,5,6,1,9,53,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439453852732792,0.0,0.0,0.16115970860927425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39672095357497056,0.07473370719961997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062595193655335,0.0,0.15451024941531147,0.0,0.0,0.1271425844633532,0.6330205246785311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976650226677656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883156600639506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163657159432044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398620753995893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936617673087648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423377977506055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711747835614989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843700651405618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2437005,2019/03/07,"It's so lonely I took too many pills yesterday and slept through a good chunk of today. I'm still exhausted. I still want it all to stop.

I have an appointment in a few weeks to evaluate my mental health and see if I'm eligible for therapy and DBT. I'm scared out of my mind because it's the same people who last time dismissed me even though I am diagnosed with BPD.

I don't know what to do. I hate living like this. I have no friends. The fights with my spouse are damn near constant. I'm scared to open up to new people yet desperately want to connect with others. All new people I meet are through my S.O. or through my work, and I don't feel safe trying to make friends through either way. I've recently joined an online forum based on a certain interest and started talking to someone there, but don't feel comfortable being open about myself in any way because my mental illnesses have coloured every part of my life. Admitting anything about myself will inevitably lead to more questions, and then I'll be seen as ""the crazy one"". It's always been like that. I hate that role, I am more than my disorder and my moods. I just want friends so badly. People to talk to who won't judge. I feel so lonely. I can't let anybody in and I'm rotting in here.",3.031122984626922,4.739980106299214,3.9468278965129393,88.30872703412075,74.70866141732283,7.042819647544057,26.268466441694788,7.793537801064563,1.4129537307836515,993,36,205,14,21,319,147,254,0.184,0.731,0.085,-0.9799,0,4,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,14,21,4,2,8,0,18,7,1,2,3,37,39,17,0,4,5,1,3,2,3,2,6,0,0,0,11,14,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,10,0,1,4,6,26,10,34,30,8,29,0,2,3,0,13,10,1,3,17,131,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970705648623173,0.0,0.0,0.07933288169859605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960013382532124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974063268770156,0.1422298520810408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692933661553195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260681449010759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840756560529032,0.0,0.0,0.13370260389336194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705290867481003,0.0,0.09829118217932688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696058497434972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703939567881965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784897332564092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303554315528485,0.0,0.12400425174386777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411335074555467,0.0950935678024119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929287614259898,0.08240049244481645,0.11398848330432672,0.0,0.10301302282141063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787153563969898,0.11827505063223673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351319233843052,0.0,0.11779346462228987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22534214071572706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790519161534886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633154096112445,0.0,0.3235097518995157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306860327504652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518779401388032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335942622621142,0.0,0.09296301119628632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884574066678208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825726330207786,0.0,0.18632984424015148,0.09753308358731087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753397007722736,0.0,0.0,0.13341101366610042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461797508233655,0.0,0.06802545382996811,0.0,0.11058015256600594,0.0,0.1296136852349486,0.07920456336178812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642748310256526,0.1851987455378285,0.09357771102428633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492995640343749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sundriedteeth,2019/03/07,"I’m close I don’t know how this thread works. But i don’t know where else to go. 2 weeks ago I had my first suicide attempt, was hospitalized and everything. 

My suicidal thoughts have been life long, but before the attempt they were getting terrible. Despite me being discharged, they are still the worst. 

2 days ago my boyfriend broke up with me and so the small anchor that I had was gone. I’m not suicidal BECAUSE of him breaking up with me, but it didn’t help. 

But not I am here, ready. I am suffering. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m not scared anymore. I know my family will miss me, I know my dog will miss me, I know my friends will miss me. I don’t care. 

I don’t care what I’ll miss out on in the future, I don’t care what could be. I am tired, I am done. I do not know what I am holding onto any longer. ",-0.09808988764044813,1.9497540786516865,1.7360561797752825,98.46779213483148,86.86516853932585,5.133033707865169,19.57415730337079,6.508806274219699,-0.0889986516853929,638,19,155,7,20,209,91,178,0.287,0.601,0.113,-0.9886,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,2,4,5,13,0,1,4,0,28,6,0,1,0,26,49,10,3,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,10,0,31,4,11,32,1,20,0,6,0,0,5,9,0,0,8,99,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285781126381989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767712077887838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278643523706216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859479986274158,0.0,0.1097103087219908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943595306750401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294046560398054,0.0,0.0,0.0831494679976405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194060436298066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077048390765263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587436647255125,0.0,0.121544144823651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966816685728213,0.0,0.0,0.09961133853369604,0.0,0.0673608337732944,0.0,0.07327414056078355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641935655542232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251407897834677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910673830779436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409938267157226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908186307551478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296401635970366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230869270731259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235636811702956,0.0,0.4445597248925179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342022243511327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386289626563313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LazDokeh,2019/03/07,"I feel there is nothing more I can help my suicidal friend with. So I have been semi good friends with this guy since 6th grade and we are now in 9th grade. I have seen him and his problems unfold throughout the years and things are becoming more serious now. He suffers from migraines and ADHD though I don't think that's the root of his problems. I have talked to him and found that without knowing I have followed every step in the guide this subreddit has so that puts me a bit at ease. He is very open with me when it comes to these things but at this point there's nothing more I can provide in a conversation with him. I have tried. I know he's suicidal as he constantly ''jokes'' about killing himself and I mean all the time. As of late he has been cutting himself, accidentally went down pretty deep recently and ended up bleeding all over his bed (I have seen the marks, not a pretty sight). He has gotten addicted to snus and energy drinks, his parents were contacted by a community youth center which made them sad and him more depressed as he feels he is a burden or a problem for his parents. And as of late he has started acting different, he jokes differently, he's more straight forward when it comes to suicide and just talks loudly around others in school about it, his body language is different, etc. I just don't know what to do, he wanted to join the military like his brother when he grew up but that won't work because of his ADHD. The only thing he thinks might fix this is when they move in summer he'll get a new start, will he even make it that far? There's still half of a year left until then. What he told me is that he wants friends that understand him because he was bullied when he was younger or something and because of how he is that can be hard, I don't know though. It might not be the root to his thoughts. I just don't know anymore, I can't be of much help anymore. All I can say is variations of ''don't do anything stupid'' and continuing to talk to him which could be enough. It's just that he's getting worse and it's taking a toll on me at this point and making me sad. what to do",5.517093023255812,5.383076058139538,5.634744186046515,85.29932558139538,67.48837209302326,8.74046511627907,30.688372093023247,8.238735603445708,1.9354213953488368,1675,58,357,20,25,529,205,430,0.152,0.775,0.073,-0.991,6,0,2,0,0,1,32.0,1,0,2,1,24,19,3,0,17,0,47,5,1,6,3,65,79,35,4,6,11,3,3,1,3,5,3,2,1,1,31,24,1,0,13,3,0,10,10,12,0,1,13,8,43,7,47,56,12,56,0,4,3,0,58,23,0,4,26,240,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931612855039235,0.19692861630377828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250569943346954,0.0,0.0,0.06742166216376645,0.0729353439152606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983186502021803,0.09048558770430314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944667603420718,0.09100610177474656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115141062440054,0.0,0.08853755614025181,0.0,0.06541468381466355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056645380225486,0.0,0.0,0.256799200103783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026051016317845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256593424769943,0.08465590900659466,0.0913739501691794,0.0541141954053412,0.0,0.06902981769996365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285285041182823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898323533247453,0.18989745702933286,0.0,0.08561040824749824,0.0,0.0,0.06871925477988848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112388549667787,0.0,0.0,0.07339346277397647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983231621056563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064374627171272,0.0,0.22513377171641707,0.0,0.1848419110021475,0.0,0.08901751883136562,0.0,0.0,0.040027009788310336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775244379552279,0.10937823292057702,0.0,0.0,0.08924612356796688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383021785190755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707895080314483,0.060228203039761764,0.0,0.0,0.07912880153046868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572286794514514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062311690780242165,0.0,0.0,0.18194782137699292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490124561993726,0.0,0.0,0.16670515442401254,0.0,0.2351887180638773,0.0,0.08236258834746554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089629451736823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651542689714411,0.0,0.0829178452475994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777359701435329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307395347167394,0.0,0.0,0.1159813866930821,0.0,0.0654296494089047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26885537575746066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160139489280252,0.1975574331280787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632925673207586,0.10499526569952344,0.16099222228577031,0.06504351245652311,0.04777422117350049,0.0,0.0,0.07828791986927806,0.0,0.05562530075072596,0.0,0.0,0.08529233954242878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760108412933312,0.09664923621757984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595021588375685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897789274705361,0.0,0.05964623965045996,0.0,0.08349398285177917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055208636879183
suicidewatch,neuroticoysters,2019/03/07,"I don't even know why I'm here. After my last attempt at suicide, I thought a jammed gun was a sign from above that I'm meant to be here. Maybe I'm meant to find happiness after all? I now realize it wasn't. Now I think maybe the gun didn't jam. Maybe I was just too drunk and afraid to pull the trigger. Maybe I was sitting in the bathtub with a gun to my head hoping someone would come save me. Then I remember. I sat in the bathtub. I put the gun in different positions around my head trying to find the most comfortable even though I knew that a bullet to the temple would be most effective. Then I pulled the trigger. I felt the slack on the trigger give back and I had a second thought. I dismissed it. I reset my finger, gently pulling against the slack of the trigger until I felt the trigger tighten. I closed my eyes and tensed up. I wanted to die but this was so hard. I pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. I opened my eyes, thinking maybe I was dead. I look around and realize that I am still alive. I try again. I put the gun against my head, I pull the trigger all the way back. Again nothing.  At this point I become angry. I start smashing the handgun against the tile wall and bathtub screaming and crying. Next thing I know, I'm disoriented, my ears are ringing. The room smells vaguely of old fireworks. I see a hole in the bathtub, I check myself for any holes I wasn't born with and I go outside to see if anyone heard. If anyone did, they didn't care. I poured myself another drink and the tears won't stop. I'm terrified I just shot and killed my downstairs neighbor or his dog. The thought of trying the gun again didn't even cross my mind so I called a friend for help.  They took me to a ""stabilization unit"" for detoxes, suicide attempts, and other people who needed to be mentally 'stabilized'. I was told several times ""You must not have really wanted to die."" When the police came to interview me they told me ""You are lucky to be alive.""

​

I don't feel lucky. I feel guilty. I feel I had my chance to ""do it the easy way"" and I blew it. I feel embarrassed and humiliated and I feel even more broken and alone now then I did before.  ",1.5657818109293975,3.8687678119266096,2.6941364180295198,92.62878540087758,81.88990825688073,5.534423613881133,23.010370961308336,6.800593979768761,0.6381138412445155,1690,59,356,19,46,539,200,436,0.17800000000000002,0.726,0.097,-0.9898,1,1,1,7,0,2,61.0,0,2,3,3,24,12,1,2,34,0,30,10,7,8,3,76,71,26,6,9,7,0,9,0,2,4,1,4,2,0,12,22,2,1,23,2,1,12,9,4,0,1,29,19,68,8,39,34,5,53,0,0,5,0,16,15,0,8,23,233,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861852505097397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016300642808728,0.10111487207043356,0.0565887954175185,0.08725778509747932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637119482883825,0.0,0.0,0.14815730934592986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279738130990323,0.0,0.0,0.09190401038233596,0.0708095129072389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497143137260653,0.09517535710068807,0.0848428514534224,0.0,0.0,0.07168202714170667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140735304312522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727272761454528,0.08694156698058438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815186478473582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198498878126963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037906194901887,0.0,0.1597981707429416,0.0,0.1521133109567541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429140929210851,0.0,0.0,0.07982704647842635,0.04729278645048269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358641399218753,0.08858351077691813,0.0745439548540872,0.0,0.25620662382242937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577700595987728,0.0,0.0,0.0826508942959319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206464819206944,0.0,0.09146515823428122,0.06783102212695549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987932299163391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180013549450104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838607650675921,0.0,0.08402304477425064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170258661208027,0.0,0.0,0.08849969283623291,0.0,0.0,0.1596933451537938,0.0,0.08731974589560626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769054008200058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866471361280927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730735505277736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053309416655283486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426594318342847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262255723848804,0.0,0.0,0.09400883494303054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705074778165358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889973661679511,0.0,0.06645530333780009,0.06957114875180112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204657685896825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528409618648256,0.10664113737624796,0.08175794203148631,0.19818934028397608,0.04852311434485607,0.0,0.0,0.1590302717376383,0.09245450511853706,0.16949179468518266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816427824740627,0.132103784690916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508825169760333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822655756483305,0.0,0.10111487207043356,0.0
suicidewatch,atimez3,2019/03/07,"I'm scared. I'm only staying alive because killing myself would hurt other people.

I've had so many advantages in life, multiple chances and I wasted them all, I either honestly don't deserve to live or I deserve to live in this hell that is my head.  My hell is a suitable punishment for fucking up everything.  

But I'm scared that I'll give in to these urges and then the people I love and who I know love me will be hurt.  It will be my final fuck up in a life filled with them.  

Please help me find redemption, I want to give back, I want to do something good but I can't even make myself get out of bed.",1.9217823908375105,3.5817888661417365,3.3143020758768778,91.86439513242664,77.66141732283465,6.507945597709378,23.356478167501788,7.348242739294969,0.7979196850393699,474,15,105,6,11,155,80,127,0.18,0.669,0.151,-0.7852,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,1,3,15,6,2,3,0,11,7,1,1,1,16,25,8,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,1,0,17,5,15,19,2,12,2,2,0,4,8,7,4,1,3,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991634880861901,0.0,0.09506600947332493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300386928410744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015830105850496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083620773055724,0.1425359799274589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883475461200844,0.08147772718814189,0.2992039611247998,0.0,0.1308039246195696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600502588530559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453036820914482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338965843215026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253618061688394,0.0,0.08570634532996138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030497482067649,0.0,0.0,0.2754143904427632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28150292513889913,0.0,0.1040982049339105,0.15810938307740832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860742276445788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623295453663732,0.0,0.0,0.17118687584316195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31226741818547754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005835455860668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622253934604367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396735309829276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078279823088273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mazallen75,2019/03/07,"I've made up my mind It's not ""selfish"" to try and leave a place where you're being spat on and treated like garbage but can't do anything about it.  ",3.5190909090909086,3.2527719696969686,4.075303030303028,95.23295454545456,71.72727272727273,6.6000000000000005,28.62121212121212,3.1291,0.5822848484848486,117,4,29,0,2,37,31,33,0.038,0.901,0.061,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507504657878885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451315374802279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20823414725736752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033085487671906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303701733205248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453189877934392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893817731831869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PunkRockDyke,2019/03/07,"I'm gonna kill myself if my abusive dad gets custody I have court tomorrow, for context I'm 17. Tomorrow decides whether I live with him or my mom. I'm absolutely terrified of him, he's never hit me but he's emotionally abusive. I just feel hopeless I don't know what to do, if I have to stay with him I'm gonna end up dead. I'm desperate, this mess is gonna drive me crazy ",-0.13527443105756376,1.8183607469879561,2.934377510040161,90.45034805890228,86.10843373493975,6.5804551539491305,24.88487282463186,7.793537801064563,1.3787627844712178,294,13,69,6,9,105,53,83,0.368,0.632,0.0,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,1,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,17,5,2,2,6,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,13,0,7,13,0,7,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,34,15,0,0.0,0.6425174332331891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049980502977364,0.2401511713869277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709744996342585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166040881780284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999782483575121,0.0,0.14901245207400826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394231926372759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175580199387058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091212852253152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890011011735839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,7rings17,2019/03/07,"I just need some advice I'm about to be homeless. i have 20 cents in my account. no family to go back to. bought to be evicted ish.  

im in debt and cant finish university. i keep dropping out due my mental illness. i have a bf and hes the only good thing in my life, but i cant confide in him all the time because he doesnt always ""get"" it. 

​

i feel so lost. what to do. who am i?",-2.027651515151515,-0.1913854318181798,1.4836363636363683,97.48712121212124,96.5,3.8424242424242414,17.56060606060606,5.46131890053228,-0.5952303030303026,294,9,73,2,12,106,63,88,0.113,0.863,0.024,-0.7381,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,1,10,18,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,12,1,11,14,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462013330894328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964148404353847,0.27298628833927724,0.3061452220365371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937329822203352,0.0,0.15358557616232327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375147916210513,0.0,0.1273928222692249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316327859338482,0.0,0.14318824038588804,0.21132259824818614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721478078364968,0.0,0.0,0.2239435621604744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795880292395072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750317453527977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539050093826794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868167529839311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916183235556864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738350705038285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691330079182233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061452220365371,0.0
suicidewatch,dani_da_dalandan,2019/03/07,"calm before the storm i feel calm and peace for the first time in years. i have decided that im gonna kill myself,i have already planned out what am i gonna do,i will dilute tom a 60pcs of 500mg of tylenol in pale pilsen,i will drink it before i go to train station to head decapitate myself in the rails. im gonna drink the drink because i might not get myself killed in the train tracks,depends,timing is a must. 
i am looking forward this saturday night or sunday night,i bet the people around me will be happy as fuck as theyll ever be. i am proud to myself that im gonna do this. ",4.639419642857142,3.711856156250001,5.6461160714285725,87.15156250000004,69.46875,8.251785714285715,26.879464285714285,6.868970318607317,1.0169808035714285,460,11,107,3,7,153,76,128,0.067,0.782,0.151,0.8515,0,0,3,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,2,7,3,0,8,0,15,6,1,0,2,11,24,4,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,0,6,3,3,0,2,3,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,2,12,4,14,12,0,15,0,0,1,1,1,7,1,3,8,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716417414567688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846315990424352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481545512945133,0.0,0.2647053716539693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571085809493972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069441163083027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864546089221214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230184658457506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379379113681892,0.08126298588797548,0.0,0.08839670052755746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557472421350572,0.0,0.0,0.15962843313621042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040281563008508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441628944376245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061403336907584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500286389670452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29192662876120196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783152733538302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069635200915277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016235913708388
suicidewatch,Detritrus,2019/03/07,Question before i hang myself Is an oak with a branch at a height of about 2.5 metres a good choice and should I also take some pills to be sure,3.6406451612903226,3.9130170967741975,4.158225806451615,92.85733870967744,71.58064516129029,6.2,18.725806451612907,3.1291,-0.6075935483870971,114,1,26,0,2,36,28,31,0.0,0.8220000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659420099495293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893833165496732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838125979895864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126159636236498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43128194254033697,0.0,0.3440577388290959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cheat_Throw,2019/03/07,"Emotions all over the place. Keep getting dragged towards the window. Hi all.

I honestly don't know why I'm posting here. Not even sure that I actually can grasp the fact that I actually am writing this. So, the reason is the fact that my relationship of three years is going to shit. A lot of love, emotions, trust, money and effort was bet on it. There is a single post on my throwaway. That is practically the reason. I've made my way through the day by munching on calming pills, magnesium and all kinds of shit that the lady behind the counter said ""Will help against anxiety, stress and panic"". Only major problem being that I'm in a foreign country, most of the stuff that actually works and gives you a soothing hit isn't sold over the counter here.

So. At this point. I am in my apartment. It's 19th floor. I am scared of heights, yet mesmerized by them now somehow. And I keep getting these rushes of blood, emotions and heartaches inside of me. And with each one I practically run out to the balcony, as all of that inside is just... I don't know. It feels like... It's like I've got a drag engine inside my chest. I can't control it. It just revs up. My chest, my shoulders, arms, hands start to tremor. My legs get shivers and go limp. It's been going on for the past few hours. Comes and goes completely unexpected. Scared a woman outside when I just lunged at the wall and began vomiting like crazy.

I honestly don't know how much more I can take of this. I'd take more meds but there's an issue with the dosage - I'm already a bit over the daily limit on all of them. Not that they help that much anyway.

If anyone, someone, has experienced this kind of shit - please, I beg of you, reach out to me and say something that fixes this somehow. Or makes it easier. Or gets me through it. I honestly don't know what. I just keep having the recurring thought that somewhere between floors 7 and 5 I will probably regret my decision. Yet, I can't help the urge to get rid of this terrible state. My head doesn't shut up. My body doesn't shut down. I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of fucking prison that functions without my control or supervision. I am NOT in control of this situation. At all. Please help.",1.934973754580568,4.310282339407749,3.103710508071704,89.80850623947708,80.95899772209567,5.913063286124593,24.34985639298801,7.1686216300943375,1.0179816381103293,1733,65,354,23,46,557,221,439,0.096,0.8,0.104,0.3211,0,1,1,0,0,0,69.0,0,2,3,6,19,24,4,4,26,0,27,17,13,8,9,71,63,22,0,3,13,0,4,4,0,2,2,2,1,1,32,18,0,7,11,0,3,6,13,11,0,2,8,7,39,13,53,51,18,51,0,1,0,2,17,30,4,11,15,234,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.2477265445594677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337869267322677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473297201538461,0.0,0.0,0.05916726940870925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238155896403262,0.09399215186012386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289140268592889,0.08872095738789346,0.0,0.2847207538950823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457197528735645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855534950153035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588976533591791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557137978756559,0.12090304210493988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822850151089318,0.2210485433362159,0.08117383983274444,0.14427204469902916,0.0,0.06767719794885366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684306202689776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687216665898946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333224321739083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831979917890105,0.0,0.2256386105660949,0.0,0.17623443179956494,0.18601660545696624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653614300211029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193967953209987,0.07637156029542969,0.08006813392792225,0.056483550434393424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399215186012386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440876591741976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733973083118042,0.06435623313449976,0.0,0.09928165608878184,0.0,0.0,0.08077799683169183,0.0,0.0,0.08840839219570862,0.1857715518059559,0.07999189679428523,0.0,0.16208239258574764,0.0,0.09123312695357534,0.08096854047128672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400395981168898,0.0,0.09084867316311146,0.0,0.0,0.08049163451419189,0.06729208068549976,0.16943589445461787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605792285551358,0.0,0.09511481449829463,0.0,0.0,0.07169703707924388,0.065143506836517,0.0,0.0,0.059893457133162006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693028240992227,0.0,0.09686801420805856,0.0,0.0,0.07975199781968784,0.0,0.12724526269438438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717769007908267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716627968127202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635509498988304,0.0,0.0,0.08156927880558383,0.0,0.061603324456064874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449158271120698
suicidewatch,Rm25125,2019/03/07,"I spent. I tried to be positive. 
I tried to have another life.
Got used up in the end.
I'm fucking tried of this shit.

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suicidewatch,Space_ghostA1,2019/03/07,Contemplating suicide 1 previous attempt Thinking about suicide again. ,14.993333333333332,20.7640438888889,11.520000000000005,28.500000000000032,54.55555555555557,12.488888888888884,75.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,12.486466666666667,61,6,3,2,1,18,8,9,0.6,0.4,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9596824691637412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810863895313768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,29throwawayacc,2019/03/07,"i don’t know what to do i’m just confused. i’m 16, turning 17 in two weeks. for the last four years or so i’ve just felt so unbelievably worthless and useless. I feel like the only people who care about my are my parents but I feel that it’s only because of the fact that they know i’ll never amount to anything and that they are trying to help me come to terms with it. i don’t think my friends care about me or like me, especially recently being that my best friend has completely distanced himself from me and I can’t tell why. as a kid i’m told I was really happy but now i’m just extremely sad and upset or angry every second of every day. I feel like every single thing I do is wrong, like it’s either a burden to others or just shows how much of a fuck up I am. I no longer really enjoy any of my hobbies, like playing video games or basketball. I can’t find much enjoyment in too many things. but i’m confused. I think about ending it, a lot.  but at the same time I don’t know if i’m sure I want to. I love my parents, and I feel like they’d be upset if I did. I also feel like there’s so much time left, but i almost know that I won’t use that time for anything important because I will never do anything important. but at the same time I just want it to end. how do I go about coping with this? I just want to stop being upset. i’ve been to multiple therapists, and that hasn’t helped me at all. I don’t know what to do and I just want to figure it out.",1.4737836538461515,2.7054496187500017,3.6281250000000007,90.97206730769231,77.8125,6.5480769230769225,21.05769230769231,7.1686216300943375,0.4060649038461537,1138,28,264,13,26,391,145,320,0.133,0.64,0.227,0.9862,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,3,1,20,29,1,5,9,0,26,2,0,3,5,66,58,27,0,6,21,2,6,7,2,2,0,0,0,1,20,11,0,1,15,4,0,2,11,11,0,3,5,6,41,18,32,47,12,26,0,3,0,2,16,8,1,11,23,179,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288546306970656,0.0,0.0,0.0741799166500354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307979223440778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900004417758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309093186465427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097345606048572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914943860422934,0.0,0.0,0.07990428751272258,0.0972568043184983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059822347256597484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643151633584922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344622009535293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23451051432180586,0.2650702574387647,0.08906388036299008,0.0,0.08478070597231205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333186316060012,0.08575486883342041,0.0,0.0,0.052717488002212036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874444956770652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243497735354576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548915883231349,0.07561155439423381,0.0,0.0,0.1007837100161583,0.0,0.0,0.3172240049144469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886099903542798,0.0837192712278435,0.0,0.0,0.09404379950221302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456720754437135,0.0,0.14308403304921768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109589790093474,0.0,0.0,0.2059973891484087,0.0,0.0,0.06430791211252382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884850709197943,0.0,0.09158903545115916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755128159900909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742494078425146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107608610265198,0.0,0.0,0.10770118739356592,0.12325087592271845,0.1188733695372525,0.0,0.0,0.2163557608078984,0.0,0.0,0.08863589007485836,0.0,0.06297776273727616,0.10089594156389332,0.09061277046532053,0.0,0.0,0.08011461768583464,0.0,0.0,0.21884835084402715,0.0,0.07440625428948579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370122179457834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141819499786628,0.0,0.059734220107416226
suicidewatch,xZoniix,2019/03/07,Suicide options Whats the quickest way to die? I dont care about how much it hurts or whatever. I just want a way out.,-1.5138461538461527,0.4529333846153882,1.0142307692307675,99.36826923076923,99.76923076923076,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.18449230769230773,92,4,22,1,4,31,24,26,0.45,0.509,0.041,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33539172546476026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414035371798829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855330161342473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521533193312964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418199042975477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598235707648387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402628563512495,0.5222186139304287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,livfenty,2019/03/07,"hello i am drunk it is 10 am in nyc and i am drunk and i really have no reason to be on this planet. 
i have no friends my family literally wouldn’t know if i killed myself right now i have no money i cannot pay my tuition i cant even eat like wtf is there really to live for? 
my “friends” made a separate group chat just so i wouldn’t be in the chat 
my family doesn’t pay me any mind or even care, they don’t believe in mental health it’s “a white problem”  (im black) or im faking it or im just asking for attention so i cant even tell them anything cause im not even close enough to any of my family members to try to say anything 
I tried to find a therapist but that didnt work at all therapy seems so scary and like something that wont work because when i try to tell my friends they dont listen so what is a therapist really gonna do 
all of my accounts are in the negatives right now like if i needed to go somewhere or do something important i wouldnt even be able to do it because I dont have any money and I’m fucking useless. 
Any day now im going to get kicked out my college because i cant afford to pay my tuition 
like what is really the point of being here my life has literally been going down hill never ending since like November!! it’s January i think or february no its march and it’s really time
the pain that my “friends and family” would feel would only be temporary they’ll get over it so why not just do it now
because im scared of death and idk what else to do, i can kill myself when im drunk im pretty bold off alcochol, i might do it then i have access to alcohol at all times 
but why? shit is never looking up
",1.2016182795698924,2.6555368500000043,3.721810035842292,89.06290322580647,79.1111111111111,7.311827956989247,22.168458781362013,8.155646560271837,1.0461496415770617,1286,38,295,24,31,451,162,360,0.194,0.731,0.075,-0.9925,1,0,3,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,4,2,21,20,4,1,8,0,45,10,1,3,5,46,63,24,3,9,14,0,1,5,4,9,4,2,0,0,17,9,5,0,7,5,8,3,22,9,0,0,3,6,38,11,31,46,4,33,0,1,3,1,17,16,2,9,19,189,55,6,0.06789528672805875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255941323709607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468449281467075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174407184768853,0.0,0.06347292790073537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555334643262756,0.0,0.0,0.07649473801093723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922376980291305,0.06974716208719807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378684310266872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591455407751496,0.0,0.0,0.06947382839971762,0.05671779992838756,0.0,0.060135071652292926,0.07015398074424921,0.0,0.22422098274091606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560225352057464,0.0,0.03432989699481444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062055062042616675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982292041822975,0.06276809853001554,0.07094497008158578,0.0,0.11575936828515733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721695148651844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5867084844480119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502321504819464,0.0,0.03731347397059636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795644891820231,0.16585103785964025,0.0,0.05995278208019199,0.0,0.05701494098665336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424416194144382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684224798800182,0.07202616981527771,0.06855488482474807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050343494810801234,0.10473006147267493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163742503548322,0.07224537205229667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418299165410157,0.0,0.0,0.06907391539861811,0.0,0.06496661993999185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174772961808596,0.06980766270048075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596440778443624,0.0,0.05399305712342002,0.06797502644332155,0.0,0.0,0.061809319068589386,0.0,0.0,0.0696935361448651,0.056163682791984026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453821757370267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186869464124467,0.0,0.07764417750644652,0.1576633218400872,0.0,0.04350455824381911,0.0,0.0,0.07918057538112719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828932877404376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225298716715494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885715473397792,0.0,0.0,0.0964617273613418,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotSoComicSans,2019/03/07,"Here we go again. This isn’t a sad post. This is an angry post. I’m so mad that I want to kill myself. I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate my parents, I hate my family, I hate the fucking world. Nothing besides blowing my brains out all over my CEO’s desk is going to fix that. 

I don’t own a gun otherwise I would probably have done this already. Can somebody talk me down from this ledge? My “friends” abandoned me because they don’t understand what suffering is, so I’m all alone on this one. ",0.08042857142857329,2.2092504952380985,2.0948809523809544,95.62803571428572,86.90476190476191,5.404761904761906,22.083333333333336,6.816661863887847,0.4981904761904761,382,14,88,5,12,127,68,105,0.361,0.601,0.038,-0.9911,2,1,0,1,0,2,14.0,1,0,1,0,4,12,8,0,4,0,10,3,1,0,2,8,22,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,11,0,1,1,0,20,1,7,20,3,10,0,3,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,57,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322159007065742,0.16325585919904612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018306654972913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515036166426753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139434574117264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946499921755612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429835037152992,0.13676847321805005,0.0,0.0,0.1681558247137915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7303023560055893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680797358514233,0.0,0.16367408230356562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449464701189692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195275945390126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024821246796448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427025534527093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833719289176782,0.0,0.15950472320643286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890885251130713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540111257127918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725905367941282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509258273036344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Battista_Reaper,2019/03/07,"At the end of my rope... I don't know what to do...

I have battled depression for several years now, contemplated suicide on occasion, and lately things haven't been helping. I've tried to keep it suppressed and focus on other things. I got married almost two years ago and thought we were happy, but lately she accuses me of cheating on her or contacting other women in general which I don't. I love her more than anything, but she won't even look at me... I can't help but let my depression get the better of me and I feel like it's only a matter of time before I've had enough and end it all.",5.236334894613584,4.912472680327871,6.489110070257612,79.5810655737705,68.09836065573772,9.594379391100704,30.54332552693209,9.23628265651192,2.462581733021076,465,16,95,8,7,158,79,122,0.217,0.703,0.08,-0.9586,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,1,2,8,2,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,19,19,9,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,2,17,4,14,12,3,15,0,2,1,1,10,6,0,2,10,69,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519405295940063,0.0,0.1716377311364553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410520251279475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585335592061838,0.0,0.0,0.15159413172728878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952624096014945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036285861976348,0.17710757968890098,0.0,0.11321163859105965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666771155704188,0.12245203951990545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955223786984562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370885425800364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824642169614887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977882966402274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235297958438548,0.0,0.0,0.09419991559436704,0.0,0.3867054747485068,0.0,0.0,0.17527361669552508,0.0,0.0837400118784308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393735176716185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547000498362265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303615172279611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936392936439302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874896682563316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774823965813265,0.0,0.0,0.13607672755297345,0.09994785695233392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163730033855149,0.0,0.16743815254475808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207588931918954
suicidewatch,cuboneitis,2019/03/07,"What do you guys think about quantum suicide/immortality? I was just reading up on it and it's confusing, but basically it's like if you attempted suicide and succeeded, there is a version of you in another world that survived. And so you go on living, possibly forever. For this to be true, the multiuniverse theory also has to be true. 

If someone else has a better understanding could you explain to me?",4.274342857142859,6.838672853333335,6.367238095238098,68.49600000000002,73.8,10.152380952380954,34.714285714285715,10.290406445055957,4.556428571428572,324,18,53,11,7,113,57,75,0.084,0.665,0.251,0.9461,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,5,0,4,5,6,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,0,2,14,12,8,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,5,10,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,1,44,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322261175230716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045009908769673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568278380433045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318541230431354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258498215520416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503628093948486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28753341349129496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187070411899422,0.0,0.25642116918218194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32737298132866416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904702590378203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460479238085903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176413598934976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860712597909636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023079748109133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IFeelNothing2019,2019/03/07,"Turning 49 and I've had enough... I am not happy. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I am dealing with addictions that are ruining my life. I hate my job. I don't feel good ever. I'm on medication that doesn't work (tried them all). I want to disappear...

This is how I feel. And for those that think money brings happiness, I make close to 200k/year at the moment, where the average salary is 30k. I have no debts other than mortgage. I'm just not finding happiness anywhere. ",0.36637019230769496,2.793262447916668,2.4087500000000013,90.9458653846154,91.1875,5.870512820512822,20.92628205128205,7.321109707123232,0.9041868589743598,369,13,77,7,13,123,67,96,0.16399999999999998,0.745,0.091,-0.7108,4,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,0,2,0,10,3,0,2,2,17,21,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,2,2,6,2,0,0,1,3,13,5,7,20,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,49,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130150680969236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014490337188065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20190064789555315,0.0,0.0,0.17675067436427125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964006477711737,0.13959394712879214,0.0,0.0,0.17859224948728378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389242317247174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6240214623279846,0.0,0.1929172508662574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193904554985956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801694507761414,0.09546267123482144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043115567169045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968451516974493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252045629150835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326639143415458,0.2125393149464693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525210490279912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225367811032755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258313270455192
suicidewatch,Tsubasackpotato,2019/03/07,My first and maybe last post I'm thinking about killing myself this Saturday. Me and a few college friends are planning on going hiking to a mountain with a steep drop. I'm so tired of it all. I've been thinking about it for a long time now. I don't want to upset my family by killing myself at home so I figured I'd jump off somewhere my family doesn't frequent. I feel bad for my friends and family but I just can't do it anymore. I just hope they'll be better off without me.,1.691372549019608,3.3785897058823515,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,78.41176470588233,6.101960784313726,26.03921568627451,6.937597516519254,1.0572862745098035,378,15,82,4,9,126,67,102,0.102,0.7440000000000001,0.154,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,1,3,7,8,2,1,4,0,8,1,0,0,1,15,16,6,2,2,4,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,1,14,4,14,13,2,15,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417790455634145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506302809166125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424851251342193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252225226893481,0.0,0.0939023334478056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796782131866705,0.0,0.0,0.28696360261554416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055452705655958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628579809033896,0.18445542450932406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109289780644415,0.0,0.0,0.15138130189529914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643506170563506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657418780198126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786221178610254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799544375723886,0.0,0.0,0.10829104429225073,0.21345036637868547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095386430481004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902120163339855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwwy2344,2019/03/07,"Help me im turning 29yo, and i have sudden outbursts of anger even towards strangers on the streets when i FEEL injustice or that they are being rude. and i would go as far as to confront them, even though im not a physically strong person mysef at all. it's all just for that moment of uncontrollable anger. however i think i can sometimes be quite easily triggered too and i feel guilty and embarrassed after that, for my behavior, although i still believe they deserve it. 

how do i stop being so easily triggered and this confrontational part of me from acting out... every time it happens i feel worse and i wish theres a restart button for life. i dont want to be this way and i tell myself to let it go, maybe i had a bad day, its just this once(for the month) but i sometimes feel its all too late. amongst many other things going wrong in my life, this confrontation incident just happened again and im feeling extremely affected by it. why am i like this. people whom i look up to and want to be will never act like this, i always tell myself. im not worth even wanting to be like them.

no one will like me, my friends all probably just pretending to like me. 

idk what im living for no one likes me everyone is probably laughing at me behind my back

",3.857067368421049,5.305330892000001,4.834378947368425,83.83813684210527,72.08,8.143157894736843,27.957894736842107,8.6894789155246,2.0610000000000004,993,37,197,18,19,324,144,250,0.173,0.6829999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.0057,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,4,2,17,19,6,2,5,0,18,2,0,4,5,39,35,18,0,5,8,0,5,6,1,3,2,0,0,1,20,10,0,1,6,1,1,5,6,10,0,2,1,6,33,9,27,24,5,28,0,0,1,0,10,9,0,1,19,144,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271065026433665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643420866914521,0.08299674208433533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119923170800217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410623977803667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649871826356042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696278239314485,0.0,0.08375069831759532,0.0949831272535352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513038680528607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767979459932745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947779958564904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758021953425876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662724520333377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368575369723959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121300884211723,0.0,0.0,0.1016455541559088,0.14042152370039535,0.2913775640469043,0.0,0.08777402413737664,0.0,0.08347287036087432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077829836176463,0.0998629391878109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793419422895241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666515735096033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471509924704422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076429700044587,0.0,0.06891301700061106,0.08679422664878081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143449153668807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572654811793396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662277032792627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938277995298967,0.08310474732720953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376392784013175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603845023720177,0.06369295990753558,0.09766222401701267,0.0,0.05796226207999997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812112394691092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758900999912853,0.07890089386674419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896950862035275,0.0,0.11430770301653727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129940368012176,0.07061251948593762,0.10868077607355796,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Omwize,2019/03/07,"There is a window infront of me should i just
end it",-2.337500000000002,-0.6425264166666658,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.83333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,41,1,10,0,2,14,12,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,risingstrong98,2019/03/07,"What if the problem is permanent? I am struggling right now. I'm used to being a resourceful person and solving problems through creativity and sheer force of will. I've run into a problem that I don't think is solvable - it's a complicated story that involves physical/medical/surgical stuff, and emotional distress, and regret over making medical choices that backfired and made my situation worse, and feeling stupid, and feeling violated on many levels (which seems silly to say about a medical thing, but it's true), and feeling angry. The situation has dragged on for several years and the physical outcome is something I'll need to just live with, it seems.

I have a lot in my life that is going well, but this one situation overshadows the rest in my mind and overwhelms me. Oddly, when something good happens, it just reminds me that I'm still dealing with this and it makes me sad--I'm not able to feel genuinely content like I used to feel. It's hard to talk to people about this because the problem isn't severe enough--no one died, no one lost a limb--but it has shaken me to my core and left me feeling less of a whole person, less confident, and less in control of my own wellbeing. I am less ME. 

I know how to be resilient and resourceful in dealing with temporary issues and setbacks, but what if the problem is permanent?",10.001282144150672,7.897765470119528,9.669250271640713,66.380521550163,59.63745019920319,12.792611372691054,44.332126041289385,11.389717465364855,5.119562549800796,1067,54,183,23,11,348,137,251,0.172,0.721,0.106,-0.9491,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,2,9,17,2,3,13,0,15,3,0,7,1,54,36,22,1,9,8,0,7,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,20,19,0,1,10,0,0,2,4,12,1,3,2,8,17,5,27,31,8,17,0,3,0,0,7,11,0,5,5,132,37,0,0.098748386599739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019609992181355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107547123173514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361050111445184,0.0,0.0,0.1024852349309048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110786437552364,0.0,0.1020334804651592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995809079311695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056120983762093866,0.082825461594392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873228721485943,0.0,0.08845915823354468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306765997384908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426953078180332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729041097449607,0.0,0.0697489057921337,0.048243473718959776,0.0,0.08719663452187873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077955289722654,0.08395234701137598,0.0,0.09343811103677356,0.13183062969822876,0.10011536483999103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895722128413595,0.0,0.0,0.09970772046503676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322067742744316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074338716494589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684596976868411,0.17244656455212268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724443485751853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433058260415939,0.0,0.07852868049413295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797936448607497,0.0,0.2231151384939101,0.0,0.0,0.3329919717999503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204266482830084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886058909704265,0.0,0.0,0.10323325424743084,0.11304327731219815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937021262646711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560404021937169,0.06327397884802101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057380116686993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878665875764286,0.0,0.0,0.11024904713041853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063304225581826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359072337720229
suicidewatch,velvetrevolutionary,2019/03/07,"I don't want to live anymore, but I fear the nothingness I want to conquer my fear of death, mainly because the fear of death is the only thing keeping me alive. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be free. I want to be free from my fear and my misery.",2.3039473684210527,2.8571070701754415,3.837675438596492,92.92914473684212,74.78947368421052,6.401754385964912,24.77631578947368,5.985473137389443,0.4586526315789463,201,6,48,1,4,67,29,57,0.46,0.397,0.14400000000000002,-0.9778,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,12,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,10,4,8,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312556464568108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180699606256316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7517251897331171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844506835076554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474718036379095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701769527582973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095320582191943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925304979213778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sparks121212,2019/03/07,"Planning on Ending things Fed up of being alone so choosing the easy way out.

I've decided on method and the day so only have a couple of months left of being in hell on here.

Passed the point of caring what anybody thinks just needed somewhere to vent that supposed family can't find 

Have a nice life folks ",3.7416393442622966,5.5825861147541005,4.063081967213115,87.66183606557377,73.09836065573771,6.191475409836067,22.036065573770493,6.742157984588678,0.5554957377049181,247,6,47,2,5,77,50,61,0.133,0.773,0.095,-0.3753,0,1,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,6,0,13,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,29,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979727632575154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933316169611437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183370660693397,0.0,0.1855441494373688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25481879785025835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712200752870318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629546432014577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125893350837753,0.0,0.20321260666590865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296411901211251,0.0,0.0,0.21332757199400365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881052454226105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27197161866369396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113659016421686,0.18434798409812547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836465362875344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imtiredhhh,2019/03/07,"I feel burnt out on trying to get better and I don't know if I give a damn anymore. I don't feel like a person at all. Despite all my attempts at baby steps at getting myself out of the dysfunctional state of my life, I end up slipping back into the same worthless state of not doing much except laying in bed. It feels like life is a treadmill that's set at way too high of a speed for me to get on, even at the lowest possible speed.

I can't hold a job from my panic attacks and becoming increasingly housebound. Even my own house isn't a safe space at times and being at home and in my head so much makes me feel like I'm losing touch with reality. Distractions only help so much. I finally got the guts to go back to my therapist, but after how agoraphobic I got last time in the office, I ended up having a massive hours-long breakdown thinking about sitting there in that state again and canceling the appointment I was supposed to go to, even knowing that I'd still have to pay for it because I canceled so short notice. I told my therapist about this and they agreed to have a shorter session next time to reduce the barrier but I feel like a failure. I feel like even more of a piece of shit since it's my parent's money. I'm lucky to even have a decent therapist who accepts sliding scale and that I have my family to help and give me a roof over my head, even if they aren't quite so understanding of mental illness. But we are struggling financially and I feel like a worthless leech.

I struggle to have many interests or give a fuck about much anymore. Trying to psyche myself up to do something not completely mindless, even something as stupid as watch one movie or sketch a little doodle feels like psyching myself up to run a marathon. Even though I do end up getting a bit of enjoyment out of it at times, it feels like everyone else is just enjoying everything else way more than I do, like my enjoyment of anything is so watered down and it's not quite enough to make me keep wanting to struggle over and over to do things. The few ""hobbies"" I can stay with are mindlessly watching YouTube videos (most of which I barely care about) or a few stupid and addicting games that are so simple I don't think they're enriching my life at all.

Pretty much the only light in my life at this point is my girlfriend. Somehow my ass ended up in a long-term relationship with somebody who lives on the other side of the country. I honestly don't know how to describe having someone in my life (who has anxiety and depression and has been far more patient and understanding with me than I think I deserve) as anything short of an absolute miracle. But talking with her at times makes me really realize how much I lack as a person. I struggle to start new conversation topics at times because of how much of a shell of a person I've become, and it makes me want to talk even less. She tells me how funny and talented her friends are, how passionate they are about the hobbies and interests they share. I feel like I don't live up to any of that. When I tell her I don't feel like I'm good enough for her, she playfully tells me to shut up, that I'm fine and that I make her happy and smile. My brain keeps telling me to break up with her and let her find something better, but I also feel like that's not my decision to make. But I feel terrified that our relationship won't last long-term and that our eventual plans of moving in together will never happen if I don't get myself and my life in order and soon.

The other day as I was laying in bed, I had the feeling that I wouldn't mind if I closed my eyes and never opened them again. That it would be so much easier to just stop fighting everything. Stop putting in the futile effort to recover, stop trying to be better as a person for myself, stop trying to be better for my girlfriend. The urge to just disappear on everybody is getting stronger. Normally when I'm struggling and having thoughts of not being alive anymore, I feel a pang of fear of being dead, of not seeing my dogs, or my girlfriend, or my mom anymore. I think I'm still scared of actually following through on any methods, but the thought of not having to struggle with my mental illnesses, myself, my relationship, or anything anymore seems so alluring. Typing this it feels like the world is closing in on me. A part of me wants to not want to leave this world. I don't want to destroy my family or my girlfriend, or have my dogs wonder why my bed is suddenly empty. But who I want to be and how I want to live feels so fucking far away, and the urge to just close my eyes and slip away feels so peaceful. I'm not sure what to do anymore.",7.139414324114995,5.9716235,7.383981502574147,77.51789352590096,64.53533190578159,10.475702765501843,34.219235500478376,9.529719534508507,2.960985083602897,3695,134,734,59,47,1205,351,934,0.159,0.713,0.128,-0.9737,3,0,4,0,2,1,73.0,3,0,5,10,49,59,9,10,45,0,58,21,8,13,6,158,132,76,1,15,34,2,19,13,5,4,9,0,4,4,35,45,1,9,35,4,2,10,24,23,0,1,9,25,110,36,141,111,27,121,0,4,5,4,51,65,5,17,49,519,145,6,0.0,0.0,0.037433436136746864,0.04181762606232898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030676158241038913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217168677941962,0.0,0.02934498898600705,0.0,0.22825449385903346,0.0,0.0,0.09470004698897157,0.0,0.0,0.043639582743179285,0.07208021379459169,0.058992329167902625,0.0,0.04676731220760988,0.08473032882328171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570379567212282,0.04187874812337383,0.0,0.0,0.04282199985345078,0.0,0.0,0.03911016870780109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021931075182175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02473876857332501,0.0,0.03303906724956614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408904716544922,0.0,0.1359008793813429,0.07927144188313058,0.0,0.2280253860491557,0.0,0.0,0.0366542416406232,0.06895027003242978,0.0,0.07232403387885357,0.04316521457544166,0.3491237938384896,0.32884927064071817,0.0,0.04202106677014195,0.035059979434371565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02963653178555713,0.0709256641169948,0.1202478465169037,0.11039407098183272,0.0436012893262035,0.03217421250010804,0.06135935263225471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033921267573338465,0.04083450746721493,0.0,0.0,0.07873603263835255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514232625551114,0.04052902346173424,0.03847780642549792,0.0,0.0,0.04426182811263234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380659839917781,0.06819154994980857,0.0,0.0,0.06324429886810745,0.06253638753441039,0.0,0.04061727768449807,0.0,0.039225289916815884,0.16256711934278475,0.24362731808390814,0.03844639660341476,0.1016166886750368,0.10184111661489066,0.0,0.042914580366317887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363198510279313,0.03889061359732664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773149090011283,0.0,0.038732260881968635,0.04492629987502249,0.0,0.040770184083061184,0.2255897575499398,0.0,0.059170576590041886,0.0370479406896197,0.0407958697535504,0.0,0.03758426346121877,0.0,0.04367265881721606,0.0,0.0,0.02599345769728755,0.0583484086614767,0.0,0.04500672553309359,0.0425937962196028,0.041539708657159766,0.0,0.0,0.13397649239758086,0.0,0.0,0.036262220894789636,0.0432446853359681,0.0,0.0390255036996649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038561992967447285,0.0,0.08160031269973775,0.0,0.0,0.02457414199765791,0.0,0.0,0.1235515640807252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840465146126254,0.0,0.030567634745897306,0.034921139131389965,0.0,0.0,0.03937557813203933,0.031731457496460766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032501964577182116,0.08859328242366853,0.0,0.0,0.02715112229805879,0.0408862296661323,0.061268052182247026,0.1282813728330301,0.0,0.24061069593551734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615346900918733,0.0,0.0,0.061663986848112334,0.13411192458372012,0.0,0.0,0.13361535641053746,0.025484413732825083,0.0983171310847924,0.03768811221307753,0.06090647514245338,0.13420674735080648,0.0,0.0,0.0366542416406232,0.0,0.1041746015709154,0.0,0.0,0.07986739279578448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837840149740187,0.06089612993543896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034613572523305804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159934986186928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027249559231525926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jdbeyers,2019/03/07,"Planning my exit I’m a 46 y/o make, with a failed marriage and recently bullied out of my work, so unemployed. It is too much to get out of bed in the morning. I drink myself to sleep at night and I cannot see a future in my life. I want to end it all. 

I have 2 young sons who love me and an elder daughter who hates me. 

I don’t want encouraging messages because they will not stop me from hanging myself. My noose has already been made and now I just need to spring into action. I just want to say goodbye to reddit. ",0.5884275184275191,2.4557754594594603,2.803112203112203,92.93867321867323,82.69369369369369,5.117444717444719,21.8026208026208,6.11248444174946,0.2028306306306309,400,13,90,3,11,136,79,111,0.093,0.7859999999999999,0.121,0.0227,2,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,5,4,1,0,5,0,7,4,1,2,1,19,18,5,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,8,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,2,17,2,16,15,2,17,0,1,1,1,10,7,0,0,8,61,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26915051419859065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867961770530524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389298558010456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602364812559224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274280617956226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408014702856007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227429454744253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201299261663058,0.230784762569296,0.1628056273649015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792950959094239,0.18084929658525528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288843074315011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408225408058914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939596453912257,0.0,0.0,0.19435729930341805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407686644793156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039119266343379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315768992583932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756263210618287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kate925,2019/03/07,"What are the consequences of overdosing and surviving? I don't like pain, I honestly can't even handle a papercut. So I've ruled out jumping off of a bridge, a building or hell, even shooting myself. It could be quick, painless and instant, but it could also be the last thing that I ever feel. Besides shooting myself just fucks over whoever discovers my body, and whoever has to clean me up. What also scares me about all of these methods though is the consequences of failing. I remember an old english teacher of mine showed our class a documentary about people who jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge. He was trying to emphasize how people changed their minds mid jump, I was more horrified by the people who survived. They were broken and paralyzed, and not quite the same. You'll even see stories about people who shoot themselves and survive, even if those stories are much more rare. That terrifies me, what if I fail? What will I become then? 




I've thought long and hard about methods of suicide that would truly be painless, and I've decided to overdose. On something specific, something that I won't share here, but if I've done my research correctly it should feel like falling asleep. That sounds pleasant. I've arranged to buy it from someone this weekend, not that I plan to use it right away, but I feel like there will be a comfort in possessing it. Not using it, just having it, being able to see it and not worry about how I'm going to get it. I know that this is stupid, I know that I should cancel. And objectively I know that I should probably be checking into a fucking hospital, but to that last one there's still a part of me that believes that I would never follow through with it. That part of me believes that if I go to a hospital that will only prove that I am making it all up for attention. I realise that I'm gatekeeping my own depression. But I'm also tired. I'm tired of dissecting my every thought, trying to figure out why, and if and what, I'm just ready to give in. My family deserves better than me, my friends deserve better than me, my work deserves better than me, I'm just wasting all of their time. I am not the person that I want to be, nor the person that I should be. And I don't know if I can ever be that person. And that's only scratching the surface of what I'm feeling, there is so much more that I can't even put into words.



But to get back on topic, every plan can fail, and anything that is designed to kill you can also cause irreversable damage. I don't know what that damage looks like for someone who overdoses. So help make me terrified of this plan, make me too scared to follow through with it, what happens if I fail and survive, what are the consequences?",5.937496468926554,6.223464719397363,6.170451388888887,80.37878442796611,66.58945386064029,9.048046139359695,32.22463512241055,8.841846274778883,2.5803601224105464,2150,83,408,32,32,688,231,531,0.197,0.708,0.094,-0.9969,1,0,4,3,0,1,62.0,1,2,3,16,34,27,5,2,19,0,45,7,2,8,8,88,82,42,2,16,23,0,6,4,1,11,3,1,2,3,56,22,0,0,16,2,2,9,13,15,0,1,6,10,53,12,58,54,12,39,1,7,3,2,18,17,3,8,17,310,109,7,0.08040002592404054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25718348673490365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661623708093064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553847096264754,0.06182265713816339,0.0,0.0,0.08879551192387386,0.0,0.1811665938982002,0.0,0.2133218678730288,0.0,0.08930630391319754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259297383041359,0.08505256676464093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838575698138865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924842451706406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227714081306897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655172942606253,0.14545285287329418,0.1354809789313766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579398902211963,0.0,0.16261067543070315,0.11487558916963868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062116860588026214,0.14865705683603553,0.08401139031323247,0.0771270309960828,0.09138637510391348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109747739946587,0.0,0.0720226310534434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053890442617074194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895071643007849,0.0,0.2209287580276292,0.13107350395321318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571175660172411,0.0,0.0,0.07115149290150721,0.06751577251223483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100292486219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118110671225015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820653999943755,0.0,0.06200945649699721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436630246717929,0.0,0.0544811383351554,0.12229568535831276,0.08555129620648827,0.0,0.0,0.17413078630081089,0.0,0.22295701867350004,0.21060660438991474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668482635435852,0.0,0.0,0.0808242326898286,0.0,0.08551532420502607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910775563235719,0.06866118284085239,0.0,0.0,0.1609889036957795,0.0,0.12813682247002606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624536211498772,0.12379173589240094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420756455988615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794457890864711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053414204687099405,0.0,0.07899261725714159,0.12765727962728748,0.04688190167618938,0.1848160049561592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917268001222838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388796162449375,0.0,0.0,0.04742201838284178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725485179723874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853217643238873,0.08165012903599476,0.0,0.11422774325400295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SweetCatastrophy,2019/03/07,"I don’t know where else to write this I’m stuck in a dead end job where I work my ass off for no money. I can’t find anything better. The person I care about most in the world constantly lets me know that he doesn’t care about me. I’m sick with a mysterious illness and no health insurance to get checked out. I can’t bring myself to get out of bed anymore. 
Worst of all, everyone in my life just sees me as a depression diagnosis. I am lost and I’m ready to kill myself soon. I just can’t keep “hanging in there”.",1.7520720720720746,3.0418512342342368,3.465045045045045,92.18693693693692,77.1981981981982,7.095495495495496,22.243243243243235,7.793537801064563,0.6902864864864866,401,11,96,6,9,134,71,111,0.28,0.625,0.095,-0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,7,1,0,5,0,7,5,1,0,1,14,21,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,2,2,7,4,0,0,2,1,14,3,18,18,3,15,0,2,1,1,3,10,1,1,3,59,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075423917396792,0.0,0.0,0.17221368935754094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850847918420761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426735149055458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614955935938594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802463624323956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482057734971546,0.0,0.1853535919674948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999691357366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127155474048851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867280898379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244720831397533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207670970100341,0.18601128679323434,0.231529355131052,0.0,0.2300217240689675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213995624315182,0.14781557285557087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284459904473759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272894346338253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166763332920134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235309627281846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2156895,2019/03/07,"I just feel empty inside I am only 13 years old and have my whole life ahead of me, but I just feel empty inside.

I know I am a failure. I have no talents, I didn't have any friends as a younger kid so I have no idea how to be social and I just have average grades. I am now a part of multiple friend groups and have a girlfriend, but I'm not sure if I am capable of loving anyone anymore. I just feel excluded from all of these groups and in other social situations. 

​

I honestly want to kill myself and I know how I would go about doing it but I am too much of a coward to actually do it.",1.3750317124735716,2.8254811472868218,3.8937138830162077,88.03414376321354,78.6124031007752,6.8614517265680055,22.579985905567302,7.686295010490155,0.9071178294573641,464,14,104,7,11,163,75,129,0.227,0.618,0.155,-0.8616,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,0,5,0,16,2,0,2,2,26,25,13,1,3,9,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,3,19,6,13,22,4,6,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,4,82,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.1804041795143948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030404440323074,0.22463445516512573,0.12571635573262044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833390543091216,0.1292637740226866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28042394748509003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856566082202229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506455776500166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086930985050504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045286876512964,0.0,0.2031968746618984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057750328662235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668502908862525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589900940758562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398752273309014,0.0,0.0,0.14060019433015766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019367258154055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077990079715854,0.0,0.3768986195094958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423559219558074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903974217276266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063981527813845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313246894389844,0.0,0.22463445516512573,0.11904871906566593
suicidewatch,nolajf,2019/03/07,"I should have died by my birth. God didn't give my life. I was to die just after my birth. I am disabled. I have weak cerebral palsy. I hate myself, my body my look, my illness. I am ugly because of my sickness, so I don't have to say about my relationship situation. I don't have real friends, I am not able to drink like other, to dance like others, to go out like like others. I can't drive a car. I am isolated in four walls of my house. 

The only person who I talked to about my problems an suicidal thoughts is my mom. But even she just barked at me and told not talk like this. She thinks I just imagined all my problems. No one fucking cares about fucking me.  

I was long thinking why I don't have life like others. The answer is that God, the reality wanted me to die by my birth. I just don't have life created to me. Nature just doesn't want me to exist. It is the reason I am think more and more about suicide. Each day I wear happy masks but when I am alone my hatred explodes. I just don't want to suffer more.     ",0.8738293650793665,2.74600089351852,2.7890211640211646,93.38666666666668,81.73148148148148,5.2253968253968255,20.007936507936503,6.18269132825596,-0.051478571428571485,787,21,178,6,21,263,112,216,0.19,0.711,0.099,-0.9525,0,1,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,0,13,16,3,0,6,0,26,11,2,1,1,29,41,6,5,6,10,1,0,6,1,1,6,1,0,1,8,4,1,0,7,2,0,4,11,7,0,2,5,2,42,9,22,35,5,15,0,1,1,2,12,4,2,0,13,127,50,0,0.1210174071652628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533753688280375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377108816498082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442305793904635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338531199237893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804621610129027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376790887358975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855098721387247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993085609030652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349774857922402,0.2237572857515321,0.0,0.11609092417854446,0.06877698133926137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882528023696466,0.0,0.119479635264506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963783976060587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564345207722264,0.3547379538935845,0.0,0.0,0.1070965971455408,0.10162414300599476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173412465073676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200452705029633,0.09203919140240263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566773207771156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315946297986469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377443034362186,0.0,0.1244260499865916,0.0,0.12992740579515788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962378994608752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602863608435167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647468030376096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453841564305704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232629204128306,0.0,0.09607430351366282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156373186334592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413760659692574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919938691307783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothankimgood,2019/03/07,"I am so exhausted. I am overwhelmed and exhausted. The most simple tasks have become earth shattering. 
The smallest road bump is insurmountable. 

I am broken. 

My life isn’t worth much. The only worth I have are the few relationships that I treasure. I am grateful to have them but feel even more guilt for the hurt I carry with me, the hurt that poisons everything around me. 

Everyday is a bitter fight. Everything makes me angry and stressed. Going outside sends me into bouts of panic, staying inside makes me so sad that I feel as though I’m going to vomit. My poor decision making, lack of motivation and impulsivity makes it so difficult to progress in life. I fucking hate myself for making excuses for myself. 

The worst part is I’m so full of hope. I want people to be good. I want to help and inspire people. I want children to grow up loved. I want so much for this world and so much more for myself. I love flowers, they’re so beautiful. I love holidays, I love carving pumpkins and decorating Christmas trees even if it’s just for myself. I have so much love and so much hope that it’s sickening. 

I lost the fight with myself and for once in my life I feel like everything is going to be okay. ",2.9204179160419805,5.3682945387931085,4.162016491754123,83.18898050974516,77.75,7.138230884557721,24.742128935532236,8.18289091462,1.7188236131934032,951,34,177,18,23,311,117,232,0.247,0.486,0.268,0.5944,1,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,14,31,6,5,9,1,16,13,0,6,0,34,43,21,0,8,3,0,3,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,6,1,3,5,1,19,0,0,1,4,33,12,25,40,13,15,0,5,0,6,13,8,1,4,2,127,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109060945633432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130095079907476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516889823509334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27588832241329714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552152132437292,0.07310073184407041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459746606785517,0.0,0.0,0.1744603257043863,0.08582503986761099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102438188568733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858603856893533,0.0,0.0,0.2032628796180101,0.0,0.0,0.2190812526795145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682472412821796,0.04999064267891883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116994145701363,0.0,0.461759840982641,0.0,0.3415124054795737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761018613777895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089723850649844,0.0,0.07782248749003692,0.0,0.1200558992135522,0.0,0.11080759634995603,0.0,0.14187802084511553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985835227408003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906443447902013,0.0,0.0,0.11721251109409815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053342356744596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241414857542243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nophilis,2019/03/07,"I'm afraid I don't like reality. It's boring, dull, complicated, depressing, annoying, frustrating, and boring (again). I've never liked boredom. I've hated it more than anything. I would rather have all the pain in the world than feel bored. Boredom has been worse than any other feeling I've felt and whenever I'm bored, I want to kill myself. And the worst part about it, is that it's way too easy to be bored. Whenever I'm not doing anything, I'm bored. I've always escaped it (and reality) by daydreaming. It's wonderful, being anything I want, seeing things not possible in reality or creating stories of people more interesting than real people. Daydreaming (and fiction) has everything real life doesn't have; fantasy, sci-fi, action, drama, tradegy, comedy, adventure, horror and everything in between.

But lately, daydreaming has become harder. I'm not a kid anymore so I can't just dose off anytime I don't like what's happening around me and when I do daydream, it takes effort. And this has somehow created suicidal thoughts. First I just shrugged them off since my mind wanders around a lot. But they kept coming back. I'm not usually afraid and when I am, I just ignore it until I'm not afraid anymore. But when I have suicidal thoughts, I'm afraid. Not because of death, I'm not afraid of it, but because I don't want to make my friends and family sad. But the really terrifying thing is, that the fear of making them sad is going away slowly and soon, I'm pretty sure even that isn't going to stop me.

I just spent last half an hour making this and trying to form my thoughts and emotions into words and I'm still not entirely sure this is 100% accurate to what I'm feeling, but it'll do now. I'm thinking of going to see a psychiatrist, but I can't really justify it to myself since I'm not depressed or anything since I'm not sad, just bored when I'm not doing anything.",4.32291747761775,5.909858822888285,5.694537757882447,77.58084128065396,71.12534059945503,9.057571039314908,29.45591669910471,9.516144504307137,2.849865784351888,1496,60,273,35,28,503,170,367,0.184,0.7040000000000001,0.112,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,1,60.0,0,0,3,2,22,34,4,6,9,0,28,3,0,3,4,73,70,29,4,5,26,0,4,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,22,18,0,3,9,2,1,5,19,26,0,2,7,6,24,8,30,59,7,33,0,6,2,0,5,10,0,5,20,175,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904991850633937,0.0,0.0,0.06460514412419552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843444766130946,0.0,0.0,0.3908959413278311,0.16914522128851767,0.0,0.0,0.08925823350107577,0.07305126905764059,0.0,0.115825618529388,0.10492309992702692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183647770616449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636515001258661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686533375971732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274843625417775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076473496749306,0.0,0.08956016032492392,0.10690453312689527,0.1441087711902962,0.0,0.09121756149305274,0.0,0.0,0.08080931105755311,0.0,0.0,0.07339890755084842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197679746275565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401063932306736,0.0,0.0,0.0937955708693638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355859556783032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510649363196546,0.0,0.0,0.07743994068562246,0.1071672671351762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710326886305784,0.1392406698464505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076796114878172,0.0,0.0,0.1902452681205533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592571952351052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732719960670195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010896497613034,0.0,0.0,0.10287874632152172,0.0,0.13172592309489262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710135328949333,0.0,0.09665197530208068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626791120011224,0.12172241945709213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514098217022556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357618292270717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586933806027953,0.07942657303153203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783523042883367,0.0,0.17907798042286474,0.0,0.07143026282929686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623124332481914,0.06087394155440703,0.0,0.2262647720004601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450064742036031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046321337030002,0.0,0.16810529267931754,0.07540878000971044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030264558882946,0.0,0.0,0.09681594305041008,0.06748724490801751,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saraaaacha,2019/03/07,"I really want to give up (Sorry it’s lengthy and confusing. I have no where else to go to let this out) I’m a 20 year old college student and a single mom. I am fortunate enough to have a good amount of family supporting me and the baby. Despite this, I’ve been severely insecure and depressed for a while. I lack the social skills to make more friends. I’m always stuck at home with no car (I got in an accident last yr). I can’t work (my parents want me to just stick to school). I’m left completely dependent on my family. I planned on leaving this Earth last year after giving birth to my daughter. I got help. I was put into therapy, group,  more therapy, etc. Fast forward a year later and no improvements. I exercise, try to eat right, meditate, read, journal, watch/listen to a lot of self help videos and podcasts, say affirmations, pray, talked to friends... Nothing. It upsets me that I didn’t off myself sooner because everyone kept telling me to fight because “I’m strong” and “ You have a baby”. I’m always going to be attached to my daughter but that doesn’t mean I’m good for her. I don’t want her to grow up and see me upset and suffering—my behavior can rub off on her. I can’t always vent to my friends because they have their own shit. That usually leads me to venting to my ex/baby daddy. And it makes me feel like I’m at a severely low point. I hate how I’m left being vulnerable to the person that couldn’t love me back. Meanwhile, he’s not probably on to the next girl and enjoying life with friends.  It feels like everyone’s got a good grasp on life. My ex can move on and continue to be young while I’m left with a child, a broken heart, and way too much responsibility. I know I put this on myself. And I hate myself for it. And I feel so bad for my kid because she deserves so much more. The truth is I’m weak. I feel like I already fulfilled my purpose in life which was to deliver my daughter who already brings joy to everyone. I’ve been forgotten. It’s my time to go. I know that her grandparents can give her a more stable upbringing. And I’m sure that me leaving will force her father to step up. I’m going to jump off a cliff or an overpass of some sort, I haven’t reached a final decision yet. ",2.0516992939666285,3.910737677631584,3.885718870346597,87.01332477535303,77.92543859649123,7.431236628155755,25.59563543003851,8.331364938255728,1.6799849807445444,1735,66,366,34,41,585,222,456,0.128,0.703,0.16899999999999998,0.9561,2,0,0,0,2,0,60.0,0,1,2,5,8,29,4,4,21,0,25,9,2,5,2,51,67,23,0,5,4,7,5,3,4,1,5,1,1,5,18,21,1,1,9,3,0,14,11,12,0,0,10,7,55,17,56,51,14,61,1,2,1,1,40,27,1,6,24,220,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978017227470005,0.0,0.192026534812496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915157715466875,0.0642302481895062,0.18757423654125374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065576310007445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625651040048545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787148106787338,0.06426205358643336,0.0,0.0,0.07948543271390465,0.08579316025547855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051913186342292,0.0,0.0,0.14503854078877634,0.0,0.15558499681461255,0.16486849459018038,0.0,0.08426900270715014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773227756723306,0.0,0.0,0.22138415279431894,0.17487595868821715,0.19356639481117602,0.18457497097921668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189759243381906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911580371675552,0.10312415615650816,0.0,0.07716335217218784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455336655589551,0.12541040519649846,0.0,0.1629076911290643,0.2507419536258739,0.07866235477243072,0.16300596430508527,0.11274691503293773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539999026913218,0.06942899012958323,0.0,0.10269780662915164,0.0,0.0,0.08379529359593611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009515409257944,0.0,0.08176048389394293,0.11309936509744276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181199391028382,0.0,0.0,0.07381286060173828,0.0,0.0807212125885945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541755373730567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671690789188173,0.0,0.0,0.0727202193001342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829395634480687,0.0,0.0,0.15466435954814495,0.0,0.0,0.07694711843130947,0.0,0.04928095828347602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569464080563384,0.0,0.061174882215837986,0.0,0.07785352359392424,0.06130030228036722,0.0,0.08025090903112281,0.17380964804260374,0.07896374259975064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841667639530138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611269601197134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729505484964202,0.07250212838415726,0.0,0.0,0.0618304468930037,0.06723697780940728,0.0,0.1759438589611619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044856344785686016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052227908859476216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472345257557568,0.0,0.13611937640922875,0.061060517174099535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056003263375327336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861404730635688
suicidewatch,Uknown123458,2019/03/07,"Nobody is expecting it now Well I attempted January 7th, after that my medication was adjusted I seemed to be getting a bit better. I've been trying. I really have. But I can't handle this anymore, I'm destined to a life of  suffering, everything I feel is as extreme as possible, I don't want to live in this roller-coaster with no end. Even if happiness is much more intense as wel it is followed by the most empty feeling in the world. Im diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I don't want any of this. I just want stability, that doesn't exist to me. Ill go this weekend, nobody is expecting, tbh neither was I. But I'm strangely calm about it again, numb to what it means. I know my life ends with suicide, my time is near. ",2.9286037934668063,4.963297308219179,5.116027397260279,78.38645416227611,75.91780821917807,8.875869336143309,29.723919915700737,9.466822959209583,3.058195574288725,581,27,110,16,13,202,96,146,0.172,0.732,0.096,-0.8551,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,4,0,15,6,0,0,0,19,28,6,1,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,6,1,0,2,6,2,1,0,3,2,14,4,19,24,5,13,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,76,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260777278892317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386606313832804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397041461035286,0.20240777081116773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881761574365492,0.0,0.0,0.21248340096597465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284171003132526,0.0,0.0,0.12245433980180805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662473306243433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748668481314945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968633640728208,0.0,0.1053665662475232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736076169855424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026281450378486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189048243671653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619056976618085,0.0,0.0,0.16371077896386138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019539431294453,0.0,0.18677006202996665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362896516420408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618833201950369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900959915271067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187713941851784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878035381927375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279649541087172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810769095846408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258738012953039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280595320152699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669603301220484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayq13477,2019/03/07,"Impulsive or autopilot-like active suicidal ideation First some background:
I've been depressed for the last 10 years, some years were far worse than others. I have wanted to kill myself in the past but except for some incidents several years ago it's mostly it's passive ideation and when I've worked up the courage (and the time ""felt right"") to try it I've backed off at the moment of truth.
That changed towards the end of last year. Some things happened and they resulted in me cutting almost all ties with all my friends. I really really wanted to kill myself, I just didn't care at all. It didn't take though and I puked everything up in my sleep. I ended up sleeping on that pool of vomit for over a week (by then it was getting covered in mold, including black mold in a container I kind of started to use to clean but quickly gave up on). In those days I ate and drank enough to sustain myself but it took me days to shower and longer to clean it. I fell into a far deeper depression (too depressed to try again) and got sicker than I've ever been in my life (it lasted for like three weeks and ended up in a bronchitis that lasted longer).
Somehow I pulled myself out of it and got back in touch with my friends. I've still felt terrible but they've had issues with suicidal ideation and attempts in the past so I try to avoid letting on that I feel this way (besides, I've convinced myself that I'm in control of it). I also started an SSRI a little over a month ago and have been trying my best to just stay busy.

The reason I'm posting is that lately I've been reaching some sort of breaking point or something. I don't really understand it but part of me does I think -- I don't know exactly. I've had these impulsive urges to just go kill myself like it's the easiest thing in the world and the right thing to do. The first time I had the detailed plan materialize in my head and it felt like the easiest thing in the world, like I'd already done it and I could just act out the movements on autopilot. This was a few weeks ago at university and I ended up staying on campus for a few days until the feeling passed because I felt 100% sure that if I went to go home I wouldn't be able to resist the plan (it involved a detour on the way home). I felt good and terrible and terrified at the same time and I don't know what triggered it. The second time this happened was yesterday (I'm writing this up at 2 am) but it played out differently. This time I recieved some bad (but actually not that bad) news and I initially reacted cordially and felt fine but within 10 minutes of it happening I could feel my emotions boiling up under the surface and I reached out to a friend quickly by text to ask them if they had a moment to talk. Then right after that it was like I just went into autopilot and started walking to a tall building where I could get roof access or jump from a high enough staircase. I could see myself doing this and I could think it through but it was like I wasn't driving and though I felt like I could take control back I kind of just didn't want to. I was inspecting the windows on the tenth floor of a building stairwell when I saw a bunch of poems about how shitty the world is and one about an academic committing suicide by breaking and jumping out of the window. It was so on the nose it just stopped me in my tracks and I managed to sit there until my friend could find me. She took me with her to a mindfulness event that helped and lasted several hours, afterwards we talked about what I'd been going through but I very much got the sense that she didn't want to know anything and wanted me to call a hotline instead. I still told her the major things and she was extremely helpful in helping me get back into my right headspace. I hadn't spoken to anyone about my suicide attempt a few months ago and in general I try to pretend I'm doing great (saying I feel great, or thrilled, and just trying to dissociate and take care of others), but telling my friend about it (even though it was very vague details and I don't think she wanted to know) helped me feel better I think.

So I'm posting here for two reasons.
1: To know if others have had experiences with impulsive autopilot like active suicidal ideation.
2. To vent about it and hopefully feel better to get some of it out. Note: I'm seeing a psychologist and undergoing CBT for anxiety and CPTSD but I haven't mentioned anything about suicide to her (psych) because I thought I had it under control and I'm afraid of how she might react and how it will affect the treatment. I have so much love for my friends but I suffer from a lot of anxiety and self doubt and they have their own issues and traumas as well so talking to them about things like this can be really difficult and has caused nearly friendship-ending fights in the past due to miscommunications and triggers.",4.3807174660092665,5.541197389690722,4.964979829672792,84.50492230688779,70.4639175257732,7.891229642910504,28.697146272224717,8.229470617394643,1.88232780516958,3868,142,768,55,69,1239,366,970,0.125,0.73,0.145,0.9453,2,1,1,0,1,6,74.0,1,0,6,13,48,53,5,3,53,0,59,11,4,16,8,175,132,83,9,18,30,0,14,9,6,3,3,1,7,1,60,59,3,6,27,3,0,16,13,18,1,7,48,20,94,35,142,71,25,161,0,4,4,1,40,72,0,22,73,546,154,5,0.04266171800474571,0.0,0.04163168274582482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126815580174882,0.0,0.0427195481093548,0.0,0.04707826666905825,0.034116560475140965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527219500674665,0.0,0.0,0.029830065163269026,0.0,0.07021391780790605,0.0,0.03988294742582865,0.0,0.0,0.1312169111798147,0.07124150510562229,0.052012374647885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477084102714167,0.07546164541491418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356238394886641,0.0,0.08699292952059517,0.043825336101948484,0.04513044090708383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435462330255046,0.23843337287840716,0.0,0.0,0.08253983639156398,0.0,0.11023342561397917,0.0,0.0,0.04457241523114199,0.0,0.0,0.037333556918197335,0.0436577493509781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798869064507865,0.18892809741718647,0.08816191778993293,0.0,0.028177662389889488,0.03858996636474216,0.0,0.0,0.038341601299208564,0.0417313463505092,0.0,0.0,0.1294262787864022,0.0,0.28673357674731953,0.0,0.03899203737415023,0.07257607108217592,0.0,0.0,0.1977620250209964,0.0,0.08915594744001372,0.0,0.07273691244532264,0.035782624990879475,0.10236141933150954,0.0940693894186543,0.0,0.0,0.11317684901732787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378323057881145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438100123264287,0.04507444736286621,0.08558636316525982,0.042372712014797184,0.04201319868599933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905549946929439,0.0,0.0,0.14159661033860774,0.0888512286798026,0.11722882257548098,0.17387497078759911,0.04812427612299331,0.0,0.0,0.04362449707967942,0.030133233083642588,0.18758124441455498,0.0427582490762126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626946705016186,0.038503866123959694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525734102764221,0.043076173696053634,0.0,0.06810435258971391,0.0,0.06272254290735019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028908684213955718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046198483245069207,0.12217631132862546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040329113000367435,0.0,0.08171626612093945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932075587825026,0.08772670281595746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573149630554358,0.0,0.0339263104733534,0.0,0.0,0.06799173163706478,0.0,0.044505476053925866,0.09639119634023607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538505557455855,0.0,0.0,0.032843074783017186,0.0,0.0,0.0905885507472496,0.09094343014171803,0.06813940621395531,0.035667106517246513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799899713210137,0.0,0.04020816433877874,0.0,0.09622890786976347,0.10286961880517442,0.03728822192748503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170055298735477,0.10934362517107303,0.1257447640028681,0.03386863873562427,0.12438195422507725,0.0,0.0,0.04076509978129517,0.09479747686290152,0.17378703681902852,0.0,0.041674299500560286,0.04441235298923366,0.0,0.03684602683117562,0.0,0.07040077050092676,0.15097791963719245,0.06772577202529399,0.10266197060473836,0.0,0.03835800795262976,0.07909567999972479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03105823880606405,0.0,0.043475935339370164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989099070275507
suicidewatch,sunnydreamz,2019/03/07,"everything sucks it’s gonna be 2 am and i have a 9 am class to go to but i’m contemplating not going. i’m contemplating a lot of things which is obviously why i’m here typing this in the first place. i just wanna end everything already. i have a feeling that sooner or later i’m gonna do it im just scared and care too much about everything else. i think about my family, my friends, my bf i don’t want them to be sad but i don’t want to keep feeling like this every day of my life. some days i really feel so close to just actually doing something. i’m surrounded by train tracks where i live so you can only imagine what goes through my head when i see them. i even did “research” on different ways i can do it. i wish i wasn’t like this but i don’t see myself getting better any time soon. my life has never really been great and i’m about to be 20 in about a month so really it can only get worse if i stay alive",0.9546766169154208,2.523982701492539,3.4416169154228875,90.27695273631839,80.19402985074628,7.053731343283582,20.12189054726368,7.984000788550335,0.6556487562189046,717,18,169,13,18,250,117,201,0.093,0.747,0.16,0.8885,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,2,16,9,1,1,5,0,21,3,1,0,2,27,45,12,0,5,9,0,3,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,3,5,25,6,18,37,3,21,0,1,2,0,5,7,1,4,12,106,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.1331412620190916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505598482832973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278074545577024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066601734452438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910497557622153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759790822631639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254594634919915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397426341036054,0.0,0.12084126156785127,0.0,0.0,0.0901142899806043,0.0,0.11495270257513228,0.0,0.3678580000700136,0.0,0.1286191455917321,0.0,0.20695750158915374,0.09746947164922133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160518751459461,0.0,0.0,0.10540964578788757,0.0,0.1425637228159086,0.0,0.15507875540315744,0.0,0.0,0.1504205018691093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002207429677954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737363630994466,0.0,0.0,0.12127004566437395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273670516592187,0.1333108822963028,0.0,0.1204749511726345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159924917112004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890142860844444,0.0,0.10029571193070178,0.0,0.105227385656188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20753052799148744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254594634919915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26221201815288697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659562921973878,0.0,0.21744268691445254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050346307617568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145421975077716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064161232247137,0.08742229048187578,0.0,0.0,0.07955657453980038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094625880837302,0.10829606400631553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231117205459618,0.0,0.15689396806075304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903932093940352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vonasa,2019/03/07,"Calming peace before I chickened out I've had horrible insomnia for years now and I finally settled on Lunesta. Worked great before, but now it's like a 50/50, and unfortunately no improvement after a ""tolerance break"" with Ambien for a few weeks. 

I took the Lunesta and geared up for bed Monday night and, surprise, hours awake sleepless. And I've just been so stressed and depressed, typical hopeless and crying because I felt so bad. I got up and had this amazing peace, it was the best feeling I had in the world. The main thing holding me back has always been destroying my family, but it felt like it would all work out. It was amazing and nothing like I'd felt every time I'd chickened out before.. I felt like it was time to go and it was calling me.

So I set everything up to end it all and right before I went through with it the peace left and back came the crushing but worse and I didn't go through with it. Now I'm just seeking that peace again. I lost it and it was crushing and it's been nagging me since then.",2.639891640866871,4.789985166666668,3.5208978328173366,88.94298761609907,77.23529411764707,6.451599587203303,26.91331269349845,7.475848149327749,1.4488764705882358,810,33,163,11,19,258,106,204,0.2,0.563,0.237,0.8687,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,4,11,17,2,1,9,0,14,1,0,0,2,36,27,22,0,1,5,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,16,22,0,1,5,0,0,5,2,7,0,0,21,5,15,10,19,5,5,35,0,3,0,0,1,11,0,0,21,109,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404224474418132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922941391409169,0.10440212143552012,0.07622245271330902,0.0,0.425595018160418,0.0,0.1312204388370546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767852931538867,0.14301100293810468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373491797964606,0.0,0.0,0.1076956798347764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110747206364534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535052770117684,0.0,0.1123767531002475,0.0,0.117875391852638,0.0,0.06322334176204382,0.0,0.4802271798454298,0.13697382311095352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212479003080594,0.0,0.10000489944278353,0.13785564753146287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313796752629748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585495219319915,0.0,0.0,0.2443504412442269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649455065139862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173403830953862,0.0,0.119978039214627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678239708519782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034333342832047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323144927913015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830701799604633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582218463959995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892263613111808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029853155586807,0.0,0.0,0.11591216070061128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205937758314905,0.0,0.12742515403329213,0.08882393030256412,0.0,0.0,0.0805208462328881
suicidewatch,hufflepuff_firefly,2019/03/07,"I’m so tired... Trigger warning: self harm


Every time I wake up I feel like the time I nearly drowned in the school swimming pool four years ago. I skipped breakfast that day. I’m not anorexic, I’m just depressed to the point I’ve convinced myself that I don’t deserve to eat. I forced myself out of the pool by forming a clear picture of my best friend in my mind. 

With that said my parents forced me to move to another country where people think I can’t speak English. Yes I have a weird accent and poor vocabulary and stuff but it took me so long to find friends as people born there thought I couldn’t speak English and people that look like me expect me to speak in my third language to them. They also tell me my second language is not a real language and stuff and the entire thing feels so invalidating. 

I just want to end my life. I never expected myself to live for this long and I never planned a future for myself. I’m barely passing/ failing university and having a hard time making friends because of anxiety and depression. I do have close friends but I don’t want to burden them with all this as someone committed suicide in our last year of high school. 

My parents think I’m lazy when I have no motivation. My dad is just mad that I won’t do medicine (I can’t anyways because I didn’t do subjects towards it) and my mom is mad because I won’t do law. They don’t give me advice when I need it so I have to secretly sneak to my cousin’s place and ask their father for academic/career advice. The university course advisor isn’t helpful either as they do encourage me to peruse my passion, writing, even though I haven’t really mastered any language and just want a job to sustain myself and that hobby, which I have not done in a long while due to exhaustion.

My mom refused to cut back on my job hours and it’s so exhausting as customers would yell at me for not being good at my third language. My dad always have social events going on and invites a lot of people to the house and he expects me to be there and not study and greet and talk to them. 

I’ve been suicidal since primary school, where my teacher would pick out the kids that she disliked and encouraged bullying by calling us names in the middle of the class and read our work out loud and ridicule us even if we did well. Secondary school came and my best friend who was mutual crushing on me forced me to watch porn and I feel as if it was my fault that I was traumatised by it. A younger, very tall and overweight cousin kept forcing me down onto the bed and nails me by my waist and hips last year when I visited my home country and I haven’t told anyone how frightened I was.  

I hate every single part of me so much thinking about self harm brings comfort. I just try my best not to do it so people won’t notice. I have made a lot of friends, but it’s through pressure from parents to pretend to be extroverted. They’re worth keeping but in the end, I’ll just disappoint everyone whether I’m dead or alive.  I always wish they’ve never met me so it’s easier to leave the world behind. 

I can’t get professional help. Government funded places have a long line and my last psychologist told me asexuality isn’t a thing made me not want to go back anymore. 

I’m so tired and exhausted, I just want a nap and my parents to be kinder and more understanding instead of forcing me to perform to their expectations. I want to stop disappointing people by existing and just go. 

Sorry you had to read this very long post. Thank you for doing so and hearing me out. ",4.478614893065828,5.466451911142457,5.131763622233097,84.04194237356441,70.0860366713681,7.875202210644482,29.561066175412336,8.093282712189389,1.9148458075472776,2811,107,563,37,49,906,315,709,0.192,0.675,0.133,-0.9947,6,0,0,0,0,2,48.0,5,2,8,9,36,38,5,1,26,1,48,14,3,7,6,115,93,63,4,17,24,11,4,2,6,5,7,7,2,3,26,42,4,4,11,7,3,10,26,19,1,4,19,13,98,19,81,64,12,75,0,5,2,2,61,31,0,5,35,383,124,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167685739896956,0.05296230114334062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047779826237255366,0.09942893823387748,0.0,0.0,0.0406301550089533,0.06265016436718468,0.04570645592803881,0.0,0.05925318270931752,0.04177664190930167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585558072960491,0.0,0.0,0.09188384069562354,0.0,0.10926404310336782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881030480488764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100858663856381,0.06833489710290451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038532010901411735,0.0,0.10292037743588077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114214471940443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113631683800407,0.0,0.0,0.10583659712714494,0.0,0.0,0.07892494401608653,0.0,0.10067921100186113,0.05709102432860686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906299612977518,0.04268342232318578,0.0,0.0,0.05460787208402687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769633005272029,0.0,0.03121545385418962,0.05731497283862151,0.10186715745288254,0.05011312924181959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535217690773527,0.05898800529334736,0.0,0.0,0.06733945358316848,0.0,0.08009459757411827,0.06312621298115084,0.059931328119879175,0.0,0.058838971600053684,0.0689402642778001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857978345176935,0.0531060698971774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461058637014612,0.0,0.06326367385207303,0.0,0.0,0.04220122487881624,0.05837894258632788,0.0,0.05275788545128352,0.2643720256316088,0.05017261286660736,0.0,0.0,0.10158989119886842,0.0,0.113068518891644,0.03988172994706925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060327655118192824,0.13995043216589587,0.0,0.06350183409027832,0.043921077616479794,0.044301802857003164,0.13824220648569702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802260026204808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26536884653764425,0.06470041150492148,0.0,0.2485271759670233,0.0,0.12484624622523348,0.0,0.056480430167168874,0.0,0.057221316299759135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952676685936305,0.0680054109826856,0.03827559583412715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056833283425089184,0.0,0.0,0.241869485264688,0.0,0.0,0.12465875122507472,0.0,0.0,0.0494235136460948,0.0,0.0,0.06090476153278219,0.050623621369564185,0.0,0.0,0.0668821155989255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049951347030468066,0.0,0.0,0.13679253352325665,0.1307075116559101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048022548220487765,0.05222169936179913,0.055007208266495,0.0,0.0,0.07938678959373295,0.11485080862633175,0.05870133536936796,0.047432614869240206,0.10451724459600384,0.13734126890924656,0.0,0.11418204865721372,0.06638135423323263,0.04056443706447215,0.0,0.0,0.062198957897864275,0.14373708629228416,0.0,0.0,0.09859541919397652,0.2114427323699182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371992162338097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870634861752678,0.0,0.0,0.04349668409481687,0.0,0.0,0.08488541458769137,0.0,0.0,0.11542574268242793
suicidewatch,probablydepressedman,2019/03/07,"Considering it I've been writing this out so many times and it just doesn't feel right. Also had an anxiety attack which just isn't helping. Listen, I've been too much of a pussy to end my own life, so whenever the thought did come up, I brushed it off. That simply isn't an option anymore. It's all become too real. 

The moment I'm kicked out of the house, which I'm sure is only a couple years away. Well, I'm dead then. I won't survive the fucking winters here, and even if I do, I sure as hell don't want to. Why not end it now? I have a girl I like that I refuse to believe likes me back, I've got disappointed parents and I'm simply a burden on people's lives. Old classmates already think I've ended my life, even those I went to 1st grade with. Only reason I'm not gone just yet is because I've got a little brother I love.

I'm scared of death, but I've fucked up my life. I don't see a way I can fix it. Sure, I can be miserable in a job I hate so I can live alone in a house, but why would I?",1.3698870798319334,2.1919699330357183,3.5086449579831935,93.37606092436977,77.34821428571429,6.163445378151263,21.658613445378148,6.2272716619740125,0.08649873949579813,771,19,190,5,17,265,126,224,0.187,0.748,0.065,-0.9781,2,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,16,16,5,2,14,0,19,6,0,1,4,29,40,12,2,3,8,2,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,8,9,1,0,9,4,19,7,18,28,3,27,1,2,1,3,8,11,3,2,14,110,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133345458638285,0.1292794140104787,0.09368588222000296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962045247935954,0.0,0.11618264723066345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332765588468651,0.11006753790503412,0.09008214716590593,0.0,0.07141436794009477,0.12938444808223246,0.0,0.13198943986353875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091550391067483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962572661618052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31128393782086233,0.0,0.0,0.1547547069885735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923523621024328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166090474116432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739325304792007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156626917993351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852407203750453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703538287173507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625462565489306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482423626179191,0.11446845185482205,0.11741641686905875,0.20689355453165748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057336559273754,0.0,0.0,0.11877306852813375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611971261931282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229306216603933,0.0,0.0,0.17819774231933205,0.0,0.0,0.13008269629389455,0.0,0.0,0.08121798664740522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334386969115858,0.0,0.12045108640939332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000466020642248,0.0,0.0,0.11728892598704545,0.0,0.09335444829975613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33124124730599336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506584666374529,0.0,0.0930050759908679,0.06831188696360657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909889410480226,0.0929892787088504,0.0,0.0,0.10533312166279156,0.1086004634899328,0.21142172061778586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322094887672196,0.0,0.0,0.07544162034973732
suicidewatch,Bvixieb,2019/03/07,"I'm having a very hard fine and I can't see the end of the tunnel anymore. My life has fallen apart. Things used to seem manageable when my mom was alive but she died in November and I can't seem to find the light anymore. She wasn't the only one in my life but she was the only one who seemed to make things better. I'll never see her or have her in my life again. I'll never get out of debt. I'll never pay off my student loans. I'll never accomplish anything except being a drain on society. I know my friends and family will be upset. I know that. I know my animals will be lost for a while without me. I know that. But I just can't think of any reason why I should continue. I don't see anything of happiness anymore. I don't see myself excelling in life. Just floating by, a waste. I want to think this is temporary but I just found out my birth control failed. I'll see planned parenthood next week but.. Fuck it. At this point, it's just easier to give up. I don't have the strength to keep fighting anymore. I don't have the will to live. I'm not giving up, as there isn't much to give up on. My fire has simply gone out. ",0.13982858891949945,2.230818388429753,2.1923324150596883,95.30866697275788,86.19008264462809,5.403367003367005,18.88031833486379,6.775458762138228,0.05992972145699449,878,24,202,11,27,293,122,242,0.193,0.7170000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9814,2,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,0,8,7,11,2,1,11,0,25,5,0,4,4,41,53,12,1,2,13,1,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,12,0,3,2,15,5,0,2,6,8,30,6,31,40,1,30,0,2,5,1,12,16,1,4,12,131,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691975126859236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903709693360717,0.0,0.0,0.16196022480980082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703249610250922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037118611828353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213034463512212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715889409358686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927688303116806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899417001083287,0.0,0.0,0.10789757826148813,0.07602856867321235,0.09097516477349786,0.05141330145548973,0.28320126212770913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475548143325338,0.08815283804165212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746816219599614,0.0,0.0,0.21632641563123592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780295050804502,0.0,0.0,0.08689468625159777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742224996103214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568706045130593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525242899528665,0.0,0.0,0.07234005356109731,0.0,0.30358844133724955,0.0,0.10465636153326052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333654961985503,0.14968505852812444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302589019158684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117820621238156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920859455269821,0.2687565714985136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075372743357755,0.12610974196508604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499156542227884,0.0,0.08119561600527453,0.05804266582553619,0.0,0.07893570751433167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879650273031772,0.0,0.0,0.09486029307055108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sulkandsmile,2019/03/07,"Hey Im not doing too good. I am in a semi crisis.  I am safe, but I'm getting really close to the edge.  Someone stole my music (it sounds dumb) and i found out today, and it was the last straw.  Too much taken from me.  If anyone could just please talk to me, im spiraling the drain here",0.1456989247311853,1.8205530322580683,2.7141935483870974,94.0079569892473,83.19354838709677,5.423655913978496,15.172043010752688,6.42735559955562,-0.5853311827956991,216,3,51,2,6,75,48,62,0.071,0.848,0.081,0.1648,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,9,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,6,2,5,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,2,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352257805867146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209766784048401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034617595528664,0.0,0.0,0.14459982490333306,0.0,0.0,0.2321398159890164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5979137352719998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256028099336868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345628042362346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303808085067356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773046287117396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345045764897353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245558551000835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26234364445787445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnstoppableHeart,2019/03/07,Do you think standing in front of a train would kill? Assuming its going least 35mph. I can't imagine surviving that. Its honestly the easiest way out and I'm so so tired and depressed. I don't think i can take another step. My girlfriend isn't much help. I love her and hope I can think of her in death.,0.15890625000000114,2.458354578125004,2.0956250000000023,94.286875,89.15625,6.325,22.0625,7.6454224807358475,1.0391625000000002,239,9,54,5,8,79,46,64,0.315,0.57,0.115,-0.9439,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,11,15,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,3,5,14,2,8,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,2,0,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920043040254251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398492764285539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826321029658108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866552742284361,0.0,0.0,0.2765875484806428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080902579711187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251333686985479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471045576640973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937781617072249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5353047478556255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200649355584082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103972536491684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978199631154642,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hayclair,2019/03/07,"Slowly been making plans It's eerie and weirdly comforting how most of the posts here are so relatable. 

I've had suicidal thoughts without being actively suicidal for most of my life. 

I'm 22. 

Something's different, this time.

I'm not going to tell my whole lifestory, we all know we don't end up here for nothing. You get the gist. I just don't feel like things are ever going to get better, because I am *me*. And it isn't good, to be me. 

I've been wondering who's gonna take care of my cat once I will have killed myself. 

Wondering if I should make a will, wondering if making a will this young will attract unwanted attention on me.

Wondering how to tell someone with who my relationship has been complicated and with whom I am no longer in contact that they are welcome at my funeral if they ever want to attend... Wondering if I can forbid someone else from doing so.

Who my things should go to. 

Wondering if my parents, in their fifties, will ever have enough years ahead of them to grieve and, eventually, maybe understand. I don't want to do them any wrong, but it is torture to stay just to avoid them so. It feels so unfair. I have no good option. I've been feeling the absolute dread of existence like never before and crying myself to sleep for a while. Wanting to hurt myself just because I exist, waking up wondering why I'm still here to see these four same fucking walls around me. I could hang myslef, or maybe take anticoagulants and slit my wrists. 

With every passing day death only gets closer and closer, and it feels so real this time.

I don't think I will last much longer.

I am tired, so very tired, and done. ",3.2273169642857127,5.258334740625003,4.2808928571428595,84.72625000000002,75.03125,7.446428571428572,24.86607142857143,8.306716005460428,1.6045758928571434,1287,43,251,23,28,418,172,320,0.206,0.7440000000000001,0.05,-0.9947,2,1,1,0,0,2,42.0,2,1,6,3,19,19,3,2,6,0,36,7,3,5,5,67,72,25,6,12,12,1,4,2,0,9,3,0,0,0,16,15,0,2,16,0,0,6,10,10,0,1,7,5,37,9,34,53,7,32,0,2,1,1,19,10,1,16,16,176,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576725419366728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300320028005451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998084205570296,0.0,0.0697815190532451,0.0,0.0,0.07252811376685325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361112528742427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547554323356151,0.0,0.0900803251724312,0.052887429202735516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856793722154585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392115476206398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850593501829072,0.0,0.07263344692730843,0.08473466975460986,0.0,0.0,0.2225388107061787,0.06909404050663127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585986732071972,0.058585483171999235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581371781959312,0.12853508553981735,0.0,0.1398186067074908,0.1375663773004468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778968909322434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090728077883564,0.0,0.045068645581525235,0.06684626921744212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792363909471804,0.08012849889575466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421999161592912,0.0,0.16477316855767027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060284237147465385,0.0,0.06324849337216375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868747961961113,0.0,0.0,0.0873342806615844,0.0,0.062369663288405326,0.0,0.0,0.09105854947319296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853958939319126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933413874493102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804432576934243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653485889456072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206575659264287,0.0,0.13896773765683856,0.06313263516104448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740805228138822,0.06549052275124181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794036726153423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331741313552758,0.0,0.14335464790094826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896299248470273,0.05254647471893298,0.0,0.06510402655122396,0.09563733710791307,0.1885088908190232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537169240203607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676639776947693,0.14510873267500932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399814024106223,0.09155736486462757,0.0,0.07905137087731548,0.622528103985822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966126963912036,0.0,0.052809518211661036
suicidewatch,coolduck150,2019/03/07,"Chronically ill I've never had a chance from the start. Life beats me down in a multitude of ways that leaves my head spinning and me wondering what point there is in anything. I can't even get out of bed. My fathers heart condition is worsening, as soon as he passes away I will follow suit if my health doesn't improve, this is the straw that broke the camels back. ",6.535,6.097379178082192,6.237089041095892,82.85097602739727,65.43835616438356,10.03972602739726,30.578767123287676,9.516144504307137,2.3683178082191785,292,9,61,5,4,91,58,73,0.173,0.8270000000000001,0.0,-0.8944,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,0,7,6,2,0,1,5,11,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,10,9,0,13,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,4,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23891878185966645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272776795105398,0.22324765201279909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176177555747484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168666713762294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979647466586081,0.3086097059805615,0.0,0.3440452264956371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30742003247262,0.0,0.0,0.20507032128683292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392220273882088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744579095526183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054987279889252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045230145193166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148530431978351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tweelingmeisje,2019/03/07,"I don't know who to turn to I don't know how to properly word things right now because my mind isn't working very well, but I need help, maybe just comforting words from a stranger, anything would help right now. 
The person I've been in love with for five years just left me. I think it may be for good. 
It was my fault. 
I feel like part of me is gone. I feel like someone I love more than anything has died. I'm terrified. 
At this moment, I can't imagine continuing to live. I know there's a lot to live for, but right now I don't think I can do it without him. 
I feel physically sick and mostly just scared at the thought of living my life without him. 
It doesn't seem real. 
I feel like I'm in a daze, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm sorry for rambling. I don't even know if I'm posting in the right place. 
Any comments will be appreciated. I just need to distract myself because im scared of what I might do in this state. 
All I want is for this to be a bad dream.",0.811683217477654,2.3488654811320733,2.6210129096325723,96.14464250248264,80.50943396226415,5.595233366434956,21.0635551142006,6.339386263674448,-0.030532075471698224,750,21,185,6,19,249,109,212,0.165,0.6459999999999999,0.189,0.7639,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,14,0,3,7,0,24,4,0,1,1,39,49,5,1,5,9,0,4,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,14,1,0,1,10,6,1,1,4,4,26,8,26,38,5,21,0,0,0,2,9,12,0,6,9,115,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529601748953857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223259484247156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244979301253936,0.13499246719053765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491387923714433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313206119551548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239412295111997,0.2373034299070537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286991533790756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843173053190198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196007624489329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30425467193987216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203017911637623,0.0,0.0782075324560067,0.162282246315536,0.0,0.29331357447015954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941334610067905,0.19986520206528735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123699347325848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746051137185283,0.11179952854920992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642006692814207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990314374093287,0.0,0.0,0.0966797983493098,0.11568286088506102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604284507237666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260279861990974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782302647559278,0.0,0.0,0.22170778723969228,0.0,0.0,0.10079883803293048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938159620406696,0.0,0.0,0.12394628927121512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356000852532836,0.14189474940653124,0.0,0.08790237196933759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204357578158675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913587753527167,0.06530779774715299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955404199662536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134676878111837,0.0,0.0806082843055498,0.0,0.0,0.07865504894078176,0.0,0.0,0.07130253164465239
suicidewatch,byndfuked,2019/03/07,"No good reason.. but I just wanna die I am not sure why this is all coming up now but I have been crying almost everyday and thinking about all the ways I would like to go. I have had this boyfriend for the past 7 months and we are already moved in together in the condo I just bought. 

He and I fight a lot and everytime we get heated one of us says let's end it..  then somehow we make up and do it all over again. I am getting to a point of no end. I hate it. I hate my life, my job, my personality everything. 

He never wants to spend time with me and everytime he gets free time he goes and spends it with his friends and never me. It fucking hurts my feelings and I have told him this over and over and he says we need time apart and I need time with my friends. So basically the only time I see him is sundays (out scheduled designates day for eachother) and when we are sleeping. 

He says its normal but it's not. I feel like shit everyday I come home I cry and just look at every object in my house as a tool to help end it. I have no fucking friends. The ones I did have are flaky or self centered and the one good friend I had turned to shit so I'm fucking stuck in this shitty city with no friends or family and a shitty boyfriend who doesn't want to hangout with me. 

What's the point? I'm pretty sure only like 3 people would really care if I ended it. They will move on right? I just can't find the courage to fucking do it. I just keep thinking and hoping I get in a fatal accident or something happens so I don't have to do it myself. 
",1.2326646403242163,2.947532778115505,2.890039513677813,93.87526190476193,79.88145896656535,5.845633232016211,21.604964539007085,6.742157984588678,0.2910278824721373,1200,35,277,12,30,396,162,329,0.188,0.6459999999999999,0.166,-0.8331,1,0,1,0,1,2,26.0,6,0,1,0,13,27,9,0,13,0,27,8,3,2,7,71,61,30,2,10,14,0,2,3,5,3,1,3,2,2,17,30,0,1,6,1,4,5,11,11,0,3,7,7,44,17,33,50,4,46,0,1,2,4,30,18,6,8,25,186,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334934965966688,0.0,0.09185356783095523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486517790368492,0.0,0.0,0.14340178062538045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286281389230333,0.053680668364760833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638636471895399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29489139748109594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013035669024317,0.0,0.07480761559131431,0.0,0.0784679816609532,0.0,0.08417376933313173,0.059464185356597025,0.0,0.0,0.07607666983558667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215416380865476,0.30780327991912576,0.17395058155564416,0.0,0.0473052315772833,0.13962968496159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360577830378066,0.0,0.0,0.1643576587659961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055791683714432015,0.0,0.08349301461826973,0.08267264393127585,0.0,0.09604376665272786,0.08910641445614234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259940087900224,0.07398444201628059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511497948231064,0.058792414522633424,0.12199547531325165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989771177987505,0.0,0.0,0.07076471135404444,0.0,0.0,0.05556102235565228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643859484204451,0.1769344924704878,0.0,0.12343764737389655,0.12839426867457884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155411521861028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692096570812447,0.12661024600656945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945867519470914,0.05770572138427525,0.07267891726049044,0.0,0.0,0.15737082856434784,0.0,0.0,0.08468146325311984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053323445062145,0.08558100390925874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710835318933144,0.0,0.19857906083655846,0.0,0.0,0.06632872847434174,0.0,0.08683384187241168,0.0,0.17088217993646396,0.0,0.0,0.08329663079038425,0.0,0.0,0.0640795384113353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689886700427613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666920005930003,0.0,0.0,0.2426794161661187,0.0,0.0,0.07953606032734079,0.0,0.0,0.09053743002109177,0.0,0.0,0.10012328295965496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819011023959304,0.06606927394289296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510801121874279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825766895856822,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isosorry,2019/03/07,"the hopelessness of depression how do you deal with it? 

I can’t find reasons to keep doing this anymore",3.3520000000000003,5.9358422,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,77.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.8735000000000004,84,4,15,2,2,27,20,20,0.328,0.672,0.0,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240037208935605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44077384855503626,0.36823864131201295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39076282310934907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800162321895986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395812114855605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brianiloti,2019/03/07,"A Special Day No one here except people that want to die and people who wouldnt like that.

I have Bipolar and Adhd and am also a general Asshole.

I want to die.

Help me do this. ",-0.6492105263157875,1.504543026315794,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,92.42105263157896,4.092631578947368,18.12631578947369,5.6839178017228535,-0.2253326315789473,137,4,29,1,5,48,29,38,0.268,0.5539999999999999,0.177,-0.7278,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,6,4,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579996435535414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23821836809720154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211105354085015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6183147879215614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966590327018893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553146724622862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018544507821581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130316282628601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514003476492386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dylandagger420,2019/03/07,"i’m terrified that i might be a pedophile and if i am i need to kill myself first of all, i don’t want any actual pedophiles, or “maps/nomaps” to reply here telling me it’s ok if i am one. it is not. it is disgusting. it is not a sexuality. it should not be accepted and it is not ok.

now that that’s out of the way, i should start off by saying a few things. i am a 21 year old male, i do have OCD, although my obsessions have mainly been focused on harm OCD for most of my life, but i know i have it, so this could all very well be nothing more than POCD, and i hope to God that’s all that it is. but the thing is, i can pretty easily say i’m not a pedo. i’m around kids all the time. i’m always around my little siblings and cousins, i work at a place where there are lots of kids, i play with my friends kids, i see kids in tv and movies, etc. and i know i am not attracted to kids. however, i remembered things from my teen years that are making me question that. when i was 16, after seeing a news story on a pedo, i started to worry i could be one, and i remember i wondered what exactly they saw attractive about kids, because i simply could not understand that mentality, and i would look at kids, for instance when my mom would watch the tv show Dance Moms, to test and make sure i wasn’t attracted to them, and i wasn’t. but i remember when i was also 16, i accidentally came across loli on google images (while searching for normal hentai), and i remember then searching for it on google images (but i don’t remember actually finding anything). what i struggle with is, did i search for it because i actually wanted to see it because i was aroused by it? or was i testing myself to make sure i wasn’t aroused by it? and if it’s the latter, does that make it ok? i also wonder if this even actually happened, or if it’s a false memory created by my ocd, because logically, it doesn’t seem like something i’d search, not only because it’s disgusting but also because i was always afraid the FBI would knock down my door if i searched something bad. i do remember that my earliest introduction to porn, when i was about 13/14, was rule 34 drawings, which, thinking back, probably featured kids, but i didn’t really think about it back then cause i didn’t acknowledge the characters in the drawings, just that it was my first time seeing naked female bodies (i grew up in a very strict household). 

also when i was 16, i remember i wanted to see pictures of girls around my age (which i considered to be within 2 years younger or older to be “around my age”) in bikinis/underwear. i remember i would search for that on google images (although never finding anything), and at one point i found a twitter page that posted “jailbait” images. it’s hard to really remember these images but from what i can remember the girls in the pictures looked to be about 14-16, some possibly 13. at the time, i was excited to be seeing girls “around my age” rather than old airbrushed porn stars, and i remember visiting the twitter page twice, briefly, before deciding how wrong it was for them to be posting these pictures and blocking and reporting the account. 

finally, when i was 17, i remember i’d sometimes look at candid bikini pictures taken of a famous model, who at first i thought was older than me but then i learned she was 15, yet i still contributed to go back and look at those photos a few times even after learning she was 15, possibly even after i’d already turned 18. 

what confuses me most is, i distinctly remember always being completely against pedophilia from the day i learned what they were (which was around when i was 15). i remember being repulsed by them and wanting to protect kids from them and definitely never wanting to be one. so why did i do these things? was it driven by POCD (which, at the time, i didn’t know existed) and me trying to prove to myself that i wasn’t one? am i actually a degenerate and i didn’t realize it? is my OCD just messing with my mind and making me remember things differently than they actually happened? i am having serious trouble functioning with all of this. getting professional help is not an option at the moment and i don’t know what to do. ",6.8919426431126976,5.94916733894231,7.585373434704831,75.14160330948123,64.91346153846155,11.008765652951698,35.09402951699463,10.313080822991962,3.44480106216458,3294,131,646,68,43,1102,312,832,0.066,0.848,0.086,0.946,2,0,2,0,0,1,102.0,0,0,7,5,40,28,3,4,31,3,84,6,3,7,12,149,133,61,1,24,30,3,1,1,1,7,1,2,1,13,61,35,0,2,39,5,1,6,23,13,1,9,36,15,105,15,94,75,16,89,0,0,12,4,33,35,0,22,46,486,166,8,0.0,0.0,0.2388367765153289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501388010911222,0.13048218395624225,0.10182413293623488,0.0,0.0,0.02773927710475396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713503070140467,0.21787581598366468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409727767258023,0.03405877909822096,0.14919488092340324,0.0,0.0347101345009101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045309602586053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665403433101867,0.0,0.04190359086289867,0.0,0.0,0.04276858483123038,0.0,0.0,0.09770487700717603,0.0,0.0,0.026306818853192363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042617910499811694,0.0,0.0,0.035696476826045986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045492744861555835,0.08082620748272965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446845439482378,0.07456446550627144,0.10409040498820976,0.0,0.044725223354678115,0.031515023506877064,0.0,0.021311612624200345,0.0,0.02318246392641486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721426888066438,0.0,0.03654072162033786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02734134580845964,0.0,0.0,0.040514664482870895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512919508021379,0.0,0.08967066186764767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028811887890055045,0.019928420961325657,0.040883295706746835,0.0,0.0,0.13701665780695918,0.0,0.0,0.0346790474019387,0.0,0.0,0.13614153799990866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110773136737353,0.04327280223369881,0.04118727930116973,0.09554784661600207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03024600780921928,0.0629210639640162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039966516832654515,0.039140062271363116,0.0,0.0856065802512232,0.0,0.13820517803541496,0.031023391735929114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042617910499811694,0.0,0.038560677483449365,0.0919714415149415,0.0781329999252043,0.041499109118497565,0.043979594499561146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045695252694322085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522635150645354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6931237271124037,0.0,0.0,0.06487727693661059,0.0,0.0,0.19503086282910867,0.03713459215052313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280580553612451,0.040343339582379865,0.0,0.05774415600670332,0.0,0.0325757433210363,0.0,0.0,0.042643607295671335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689006486480625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565312977907385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549863115905494,0.0522744483005925,0.0,0.03238349564186965,0.11892779346748007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027694409732913625,0.04436889188514583,0.0,0.0424648670027368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731368988571204,0.1202979360137607,0.03237799517635293,0.0,0.0,0.03667600558324865,0.0,0.0368075306389455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847219359226839,0.02969633202182442,0.0414252380360146,0.0,0.1159070171837159,0.04459855232331042,0.0,0.078804195075907
suicidewatch,xX_Miko_Xx,2019/03/07,"First time here, need to vent. Hey all, I'm Miko. I want to warn you that I'm not actively suicidal but if a bus hit me, I'd be happy.
I'm 19, I survived 2 abusive relationships, was bullied all elementary school and high school, dropped out of college due to me being actively suicidal, diagnosed with BPD and now am back at home doing absolutely nothing all day.
I work retail and I love it but I get no hours, meaning I have no money.
I'm going back to school in the fall and any little money I make is going towards that. But there's one huge problem.
I've failed everybody.
Let's start way back when I was 11, I began self harming due to bullying, this went on until I was 15 and I told my parents. They think I stopped then but I didn't. It went on until I was nearly 18, I've sliced up my thighs so badly that I didn't go swimming for years because I hated them. I failed my parents here. 
I continuously fail my softball team to the fact I don't even want to play this year. Softball has been the one thing that kept me going from the age of 5/6 until now but I just can't stop messing up. I just can't go back.
I fail my boyfriend. I wanted to help with assignments as he's smart and is in university,  as they were piling up and he was so thankful. But I caused him to fail the course.
The biggest fail is my dog, Oliver. I rescued him from somebody on kijiji. This dog has SO MUCH potential. I need to get him help and training. I can't afford it. He is leash reactive and pulls when he walks and just doesn't want to listen on leash. He's a border collie Jack Russell so he's incredibly smart, he was actually supposed to be my ESA when I went back to school. I know he would get kicked out immediately due to his behavioural issues. He barks A LOT. I paid over $300 for this ""amazing trainer"" my mom found who was supposed to help him and did nothing but hinder him. I found a private trainer for about $400, her testimonials are phenomenal and so are her reviews. I wish I had the money to rehabilitate him. My neighbours keep trying to say he's a vicious dog because he barks, he's not vicious at all. He is dog reactive on leash but I want to work on that with him. I'm scared that they will call animal control on him because where I'm from pit bulls are banned and even if they have 1% pit bull breed they can ve euthanized if there's a complaint about aggression. He may be part staffie terrier which is also banned. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to curl up and die. I'm failing him. He's the best dog ever and he's so smart. He could be winning agility competitions and flyball competitions but he has these fixable issues that I just can't afford to get fixed. I've tried everything I can do but I know I need to enlist a professional and the fact I can't help him is killing me. He is my best friend and I'm failing him. He does everything he can for me and I can't help him. I know dogs are a huge responsibility so before you roast me for getting a dog when I'm broke, please know I live at home with my parents and he's taken care of well, he eats, has snacks and treats and is very loved. My hours got cut back at work which is why I can't afford training. 
Guys I know you probably don't think this is a big deal but it's honestly making me so upset because I know I'm failing him and he's helpless. He can't just replace me, I know I'm his world and I can't help him.
I'm sorry. I really want to start self harming again, I know this is suicide watch, but I'm too scared of dying. I just need some sort of relief and cutting always provided that for me. I'm just so scared and I don't know what to do. ",1.4100833013646081,3.209414508430612,3.39889662227581,90.0355258398641,79.6614785992218,6.2632469264353965,23.051113425037908,7.253080693524567,0.7488737911254812,2850,94,637,37,71,964,299,771,0.185,0.6579999999999999,0.157,-0.9849,6,0,0,0,1,1,78.0,0,3,6,19,44,45,7,4,19,0,67,6,1,4,7,109,139,61,6,18,26,4,0,0,2,3,1,2,2,3,25,32,2,7,15,3,5,12,20,27,1,3,24,3,101,18,71,104,10,79,0,11,1,2,78,30,0,7,35,384,126,21,0.0,0.07104921330919221,0.05851759669684462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795432216268094,0.04989603052012435,0.0,0.0,0.04077853973650058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946958029309968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27665822452238537,0.05006861828405307,0.14621744604812364,0.0,0.05102615304859786,0.0,0.12586001075191058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552434329055982,0.0,0.06123139510445357,0.0,0.061138738929232314,0.061601001304101274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725631392179858,0.047877505897034905,0.0,0.0,0.03867273303102692,0.061821711664465685,0.0,0.06086363580592182,0.12446927067287142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247614035531297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135959178527544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921318451903146,0.05424215259478676,0.0,0.0,0.10778610008327437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051006552910165766,0.0,0.13149796881188636,0.04632913228123341,0.0,0.1566472765247228,0.0,0.1703986413999386,0.0,0.047959821772666576,0.0,0.0,0.059375190397036336,0.0,0.063834301252806,0.0,0.0592034344270064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411613292493328,0.06335675519572609,0.12030040469494666,0.0,0.11810771290037618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517663130258325,0.0,0.05330001771034875,0.06634284909102382,0.0,0.3295542485082914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131870147543755,0.0,0.0,0.06010110112966719,0.052950561665709335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098045299318869,0.1082422597648728,0.0,0.08005476272726854,0.0,0.0,0.06531991837672108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023077143023229,0.0,0.0,0.044081481068897546,0.17785438699949066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507686942197587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126823670313225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975349683591004,0.0649367028242935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582402038703387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465286154079981,0.05737880538627749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841538151445019,0.0,0.0,0.06438041622939067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768690628751325,0.18010752985245593,0.24275281287358075,0.0,0.0,0.1251140154206664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671263746842956,0.084887661325049,0.0,0.0,0.10026754706324943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677729964647336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055208099196149635,0.0,0.0,0.039838358397696,0.07684683559630433,0.0,0.0,0.0349663167743966,0.0,0.0,0.057299525528972176,0.0,0.0814251635691689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947774895951696,0.24758409541831924,0.04759775670797326,0.0,0.0,0.05391611127444655,0.16676562646812876,0.0541094616523178,0.0,0.06895726995460102,0.0,0.0,0.13096661287969302,0.0,0.0,0.04259771161407972,0.0,0.0,0.07723152477190506
suicidewatch,throwaway22126,2019/03/07,"Struggling to maintain hope Not looking to be talked down, just looking for some positive vibes before I go (if I go). My life is an endless struggle of others taking from me-energy, money, time- and abusing me horribly if I say no to them. I'm isolated and depleted. I just want some peace.

Please share positive stories from your life about love and good things so that I have something to smile about before I end my life soon.

Blessings to you all x",4.165665024630544,6.013859195402304,4.7192118226601,83.3648275862069,71.98850574712644,7.730049261083742,29.66995073891625,8.418075326091056,2.293057142857144,358,15,66,6,7,114,62,87,0.146,0.557,0.297,0.9477,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,1,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,13,12,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,12,5,12,11,3,6,1,0,2,1,7,1,0,5,3,45,15,0,0.0,0.2353990643176598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381179924145793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596833366778328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258247706247659,0.16664035101142788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733050901804175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209930830491557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336763018292951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931322164958835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180870425869956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799545973061768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295081094613802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153994530833652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937993871747351,0.15968857688589902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319917822306968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584981547238235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171844972698789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,myallinall,2019/03/07,"Killing myself would be a mercy kill at this point My mom didn’t want to care for me after my dad left her. I was with my dad for awhile and we were so poor but so happy. I had Frosted Flakes for dinner, the only meal of the day I ever had. Then he met my stepmom. They fought a lot. She did the most heinous things to me. She made me go back to my mom. There I was molested by my uncle during my childhood. He was actually just a good family friend I had to call uncle. I always wonder if my mom knew and just didn’t care. I wonder if she purposely ignored the signs.
I got up the courage to tell someone one day. My dad. I knew my dad would murder him, but I had to tell someone and hope he didn’t go to jail. I waited for the next time my stepmom let me visit. Just as I was about to say something my dad got a call from my mom.

He fucking died

My uncle died. He OD’ed. I think at least, I can’t really remember now. I cried, but not for him. I remember him turning into a saint. The man who died too soon and too young. He was only in his twenty’s. He was an angel to everyone suddenly. I kept my lips sealed, and they stayed that way. No one has ever known except for therapists and my current boyfriend. I didn’t want to destroy people by letting them know the truth.
I was passed around from home to home until my grandparents decided enough is enough and took me in during seventh grade. They were such amazing people. They took the utmost care of me. I was happy. 
My grandma had breast cancer my sophomore year of highschool.
That’s okay, I’ll push through. I will nurse her back to health.
Then my papa got stage four cancer my junior year. He died the night of my senior ball. 
Now I’m on college and I’m barely getting by. I used to cut myself and shit like that in highschool. Now I’m just numb. I take my anxiety meds and I walk around and want to die. When my grandpa was sick and I was watching him shrivel away I used to write suicide letters to everyone. Now I just research how to do it. My roommate moved out and I am alone, it’s horrible. 
The only thing keeping me going is my Guinea pigs, which I know is dumb. My boyfriend is a major help also. But I know he’d be better off without me. 
I have to stay here for my grandma. She can’t live without me. But at this point I’m so hurt. I don’t sleep. College is so hard and I’m so fucking stupid. I can’t do it. But if I can’t become a vet (I’m studying to be a vet, surprise) what will I do. I will rather die. I’m hurting too much. I just wish my grandma would go away so I could die and no one would think of me anymore.
",-0.2108573942693752,1.9336105444646137,1.8644571852829583,96.56491764285325,88.7459165154265,4.428323158994665,18.874800637958533,5.852544927426893,-0.28737289776164504,1994,58,455,15,66,663,244,551,0.218,0.675,0.107,-0.9977,2,1,1,0,0,4,67.0,1,0,5,1,35,31,12,0,20,1,52,13,4,4,3,79,98,37,11,14,20,10,1,1,1,7,5,1,2,1,13,21,2,4,13,1,1,11,14,16,0,4,33,3,97,15,60,51,7,59,2,2,1,3,50,18,4,8,27,311,110,8,0.0,0.0,0.06210302879913916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591138972812438,0.0,0.050892531792454086,0.05295321057710315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868408792211918,0.0,0.0631133413893984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330539854109148,0.0,0.0,0.1195829198468729,0.09786978421802282,0.0,0.0,0.07028489225314928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628401771608468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129966208738316,0.0,0.1946543131702075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081100891682453,0.0,0.06990506652598089,0.08208450068821056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623346989859714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315133513320366,0.0,0.0,0.1151312478594318,0.0,0.12162065036736712,0.0,0.0,0.05999371180407345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049167764889697006,0.11766749237673878,0.03324904259387037,0.0,0.14467131025926347,0.05337784215653034,0.15269510510725218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354909863989578,0.057008544167406035,0.0,0.0,0.06764587456931777,0.0,0.0,0.04265625447446983,0.0,0.1276713316854521,0.06320844080741575,0.0,0.0,0.13625492680248935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056565763491768666,0.14081548458188675,0.0,0.10492391079567012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914456631647296,0.1301515201788953,0.0,0.031091073634628718,0.0,0.05619489592321992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054104076707577366,0.0,0.060217288818139876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068920277690822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981355261948178,0.0,0.06763877905857113,0.04678239782321867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676813922434332,0.05972141441705524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937143515760682,0.14520225542147638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823931353639235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031990546222808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076913064084295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441824275616635,0.0,0.0,0.050608731077210735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532509208569022,0.0,0.0,0.06368551804328285,0.0,0.10784318248486367,0.04899284113867705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566260330301042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961134767872153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478490278123974,0.0,0.11124755798940338,0.0,0.0,0.07389043222266138,0.08455858950256409,0.08155531863148678,0.0,0.0,0.03710873822945751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414117817827799,0.0,0.06922156488790801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099282908836943,0.0,0.0,0.1126087810154996,0.050514119213119935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318235135469121,0.12269252646614487,0.13802877262240276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083086527641112,0.0,0.0,0.08196357810042591
suicidewatch,Frosty_Fig,2019/03/07,"I’m happy for people who die I’m new here and I wasn’t expecting to see goodbye posts from other people but it looks like some people posted their final thing and ended it. It’s so weird but I’m kind of jealous of them and I’m happy for them, they finally got relief. 
Every time I go to the psychiatrist or therapist and they ask if I’m planning on killing myself, I say no I couldn’t do that to my family but I want nothing more than a bus to hit me on accident one day soon ",-0.06820512820512903,2.043201923076925,2.8803846153846173,89.84794871794874,87.46153846153845,5.7743589743589725,18.28205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.3592589743589749,376,10,82,6,12,133,72,104,0.193,0.669,0.138,-0.8201,0,0,0,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,5,1,3,8,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,15,10,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,2,3,13,5,12,11,2,12,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,3,8,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436622148035512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338815128544627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247146487063184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572268103648154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481343607732674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657456892149377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385200343500226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992149721815352,0.0,0.14061782296118613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374323345694077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19451671552163866,0.18308753081935344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589585929994123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764295153608425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980624929966884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687022413053394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913891773052596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36567046940782816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367703432841989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398176368896747,0.0,0.0,0.14010428945696787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413840462365096,0.11680575575917172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252096776116676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037020906570006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jokerlolcat,2019/03/07,"I need to vent... Recent times haven't necessarily been hard for me per se, but ive let them become hard.

There are so many things that im letting ruin me. I have a beautiful, supportive girlfriend, wonderful supportive family, and so many opportunities handed to me. I know i can do better in school.
I know i can wake up on time, and get that on track. There's so many things i can do. I can't focus.. i cant stay on track.

Im addicted to video games. Hands down. My family has very addictive personalities, and ive neen gaming since i was young. I havent seen friends in montha. It's getting worse and worse. I actually broke down and cried in the bathroom at work earlier this week. I feel so incredibly usesless, and unworthy of everything i have. There's very few things keeping me here.. but those things are keeping me here. Im scared of the day i get tired of living and end it all prematurely. 

Im sorry that this has been all over the place and i dont know if it's the right sub... but i am so lost. I haven't been eating or sleeping, ive been forgetting to text people, been forgetting to do schoolwork, so many things.

I fucking hate this. I hate this so much",1.1953264382676139,3.4981658823529465,3.2505882352941207,88.0614932126697,83.45378151260505,7.0228829993535875,20.91855203619909,8.139509932561175,1.1007751777634134,912,28,197,20,26,308,121,238,0.204,0.695,0.102,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,4,12,12,3,1,5,0,30,9,4,0,2,25,48,20,0,2,5,0,5,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,16,8,1,2,5,3,0,0,6,7,0,0,8,6,30,5,20,38,4,21,0,3,1,1,6,13,1,3,7,127,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.09114131280243212,0.20363149798372127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314887170556664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260143448125047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259144614871933,0.06023288475713889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109459763914082,0.0,0.0,0.0955677277264684,0.0,0.0,0.08272139720605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393856906271135,0.0,0.17609143255795007,0.0,0.04722397375313589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215774699333875,0.08634337114275174,0.14638713038765672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732947351659094,0.18441901378977935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035361084028329,0.0,0.0,0.1660298392526435,0.0,0.0,0.15398448609023735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100808191984964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247064090550922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195309038975024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787567420745472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865702424022345,0.06925217043166547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474923229995261,0.08155004363728284,0.09757925144999843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092217575376713,0.0,0.0,0.07975992689895581,0.0,0.0,0.09350598590823084,0.09452203824432824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772583815922527,0.0,0.09346374618444107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045495074599422,0.0,0.09954802529215227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119700209351227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310241746860359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892026311996686,0.107345303672002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541234517214103,0.0,0.0,0.07491687547139342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128429953072246,0.06799361619366695,0.0,0.19035761039667493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angelobrown,2019/03/07,"I'm at work right now, and I removed myself from work because I couldn't help but to cry. I need help. And, I don't know what more to do. For about 10 months now, I've literally cried every single day, at least once. I feel as if I've been struggling with depression for most of my life. However, being able to manage and have somewhat spurts of ""goodness"" on the whole, I've been entirely dissatisfied with my life and my purpose/presence here (on Earth). About 2 years ago, I would say that I meant the person who changed my life and made me want to live. To exist, I felt like I could have all things that would make being here worthwhile...in my opinion. She and I were eventually engaged to be married. She wanted to be the mother of my children. She wanted to be there for me. But, not enough, I suppose to bear with me. September of 2017, I broke my tibia and fibula, during training to be a professional wrestler. She and I had been living together in a studio apartment that unfortunately had bed bugs. So, while recovering, I had been put on vicodin and some other pain killers. I had been telling her and family, how I had been feeling and how I felt the worst I have my entire life. That I failed. One night, we got into an arguement a month after my surgery. It wasn't good. And, I was angry, frustrated and just mean. She left me, she stayed gone even until this day. She put a PPO on me and I unfortunately violated the PPO (which would now be 2 months after I had my surgery)  I went to jail for 3 months. While being on my medical boot. Now, it's been a year since all this happen. And, I've tried to take my life. Waking up in the hospital and then attending therapy for awhile. However, I'm still so burdened. I'm so hurt. And, so sorry. The idea of never waking up again....honestly is the only solace I've been able to hold onto. All my life, I've just wanted to be happy. But, now, dying is the only thing my brain seems to think will be the solution. 

​

I don't want to die.

I want to live...but, I don't know how to get through this pain.

So,it's as if, I will. When I don't know. But I don't want to do anymore.",1.6506870569849852,3.5837180068649914,3.391085561198864,89.73420550315346,79.45766590389015,6.368677792041079,21.87135123067477,7.407850130929222,0.7009745939610429,1647,49,358,23,41,549,205,437,0.191,0.7509999999999999,0.058,-0.9969,2,0,0,0,0,1,87.0,1,0,0,3,22,16,2,1,16,0,46,13,3,5,4,70,76,37,2,15,9,1,4,1,0,5,10,1,2,2,15,22,0,1,12,0,0,6,9,11,0,1,24,5,58,5,54,35,12,47,0,4,0,0,17,16,0,7,25,250,73,5,0.16882461416741926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482641708254244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146069945811,0.10257019249413853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837143263634981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145695891152135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423205153148154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892970282220747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739635851440072,0.0,0.1854459112697532,0.10887790962612418,0.0,0.07270419640063387,0.0,0.17521329553664886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722047804948614,0.0,0.05575353271736165,0.0,0.07112100939097696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795764106155769,0.0,0.08536279753512875,0.0,0.16209810483563278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410194646174547,0.0,0.0,0.1416020765340645,0.06751223318584726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464552437819921,0.08985847053108108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315958020628675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036512058997216,0.09529121999617644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391723892019879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171421863352763,0.0,0.3577374531703318,0.04123958941077496,0.0,0.22361284098021744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987296596680532,0.056345870450682935,0.0,0.0,0.09194974872994638,0.0,0.08503651876172752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26950839269532745,0.0,0.0,0.06259065611811135,0.06510397507662155,0.0,0.0,0.07921523195155834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989635212447351,0.057199963887599736,0.12839872660279644,0.1796412924944631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370557061102916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697153669095768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072087649028478,0.0,0.06712805465488779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768457940644731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982673271235723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449266684284316,0.0,0.0899722879363957,0.06741177747687274,0.0,0.0,0.08824607124070052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346754968571494,0.0,0.07378007701420372,0.0,0.0965328297557308,0.0,0.11215957201156496,0.054087997959669086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731041554047711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34851996035804433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825105435731497,0.0,0.09424332632168657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229063298053316,0.0,0.0,0.17989224313458027,0.0,0.10257019249413853,0.1087175163914186
suicidewatch,ACutleryChristmas,2019/03/07,"Method? I live in the UK, maybe I can go to the USA, party away my savings, and then shoot myself. But will I be able to get a gun?",-1.3580000000000003,0.055991199999997576,1.2900000000000027,103.625,87.0,4.0,13.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.713666666666667,96,1,27,0,3,33,26,30,0.16699999999999998,0.745,0.087,-0.3527,0,0,1,2,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.4840649875193619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4547949902194266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529039769332912,0.0,0.27510528768926834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274382524612828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863083427196849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SunnySideOvertheEdge,2019/03/07,"I’m struggling. Isn’t it funny? I’m doing ok. Life is going okay. I can see what I need to do and how to get where I need to be. I KNOW it’s within my reach and yet... 

I feel alive but I want to kill myself right now, just to do it. What is wrong with me ",-3.5250455373406204,-2.0446323934426207,0.013989071038251307,107.03424408014574,102.44262295081968,2.7111111111111112,8.417122040072861,3.1291,-2.4774932604735884,188,1,55,0,9,67,41,61,0.197,0.657,0.146,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,0,2,8,1,0,1,0,11,18,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,9,2,7,17,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678336368696439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341957577383896,0.0,0.18864330590102585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672310492796016,0.0,0.18241989021032973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344517734647138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922433544208474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28346616229049915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645050071294865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470050069455498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578074543533133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629130352741694,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whitelightstorm,2019/03/07,The Last Shaman Needs to Be Watched It's on Netflix and also on Youtube. Suicidal young man gives one.last.try in saving his own life.,3.272266666666667,6.2848727600000025,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,81.4,4.933333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.139533333333334,109,5,21,1,3,30,24,25,0.16399999999999998,0.836,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943168051883021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530519263831963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5999939641242993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25995342929233234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728926852142557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493894889037402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025696645866458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24987105356545555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maga13456,2019/03/07,"My name is Michael Mallon and I am in Incel doing a mass shooting today My targets are white women and white children

I have several hand hand guns and I am going to to drive into crowded parking lots and kill every whore I can 

I have filled my trunk with gas cans and I have lit then on fire- it’s my hope I explode when the cops come for me

I have been to the hospital dozens of times, they just let me go- I stabbed a nurse with a shard of glass and they only charged me with assault, I said I wanted to go to prison to get help, they just let me go

I can’t work, I can’t support myself, I can’t fix this

I hope killing people will make change m
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suicidewatch,Buddy1430,2019/03/07,i cant help but have intense suicidal thoughts all day i’m at the point where it is uncontrollable and i scare myself but not really because i desire death just as much as i fear it. i should get help but i never will. not like i would be remembered a couple months after i killed myself anyways... if at all.,3.0371428571428574,4.530424460317462,4.495428571428572,85.27457142857145,74.23809523809524,7.5796825396825405,23.711111111111112,8.238735603445708,1.3061644444444442,243,7,50,4,5,81,46,63,0.458,0.4970000000000001,0.045,-0.99,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,16,10,7,3,4,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,10,1,5,5,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006334157463833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905343498052229,0.0,0.1693392148220878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954699835671647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718465043281494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519971044178065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29050044032628625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282809288750397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095849367594728,0.0,0.19302290806323236,0.0,0.2025141015129594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482183377813723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168212330313682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29744639815956603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628834779989235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872145376968862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845529654465395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186525814768733,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,millybees,2019/03/07,"Just a stupid rant I’ve been severely depressed since childhood, and it has never gotten better. I’m at the point now where I cannot work due to my mental illnesses and no one will help me. My doctor doesn’t really believe in anxiety, and apparently I’m not “sick enough” for any therapy beyond CBT.  I want to work so bad, i have 200 dollars to live off a month after bills and rent. My relationship is purely co-dependant and he leeches off what little money I have. I don’t have enough money for his cigarette habit so I’m constantly getting yelled at because he’s irritable and anxious about not having smokes. I think I may be pregnant too and I’m too afraid to check. Nothing in my life is going well. I don’t know what to do.",3.7553808353808367,5.042800729729732,5.284299754299756,81.14079852579854,72.10810810810811,8.354791154791156,26.96805896805897,8.841846274778883,2.046694594594594,580,20,114,11,11,196,99,148,0.207,0.736,0.058,-0.9707,3,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,10,6,1,1,3,0,16,4,0,0,2,16,26,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,4,1,1,2,1,14,2,16,21,2,18,0,1,0,0,5,10,0,1,7,74,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554150284742127,0.0,0.14122656351596433,0.20855737134191787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414209595268122,0.11253687624671448,0.0,0.0,0.20799286877755588,0.0,0.1632730270233291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949841772037413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900479402646953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895671795785585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815040901003024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096451391535566,0.0,0.10491842848094528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374055854818244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014571289085445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303958892630634,0.0,0.18502826749947665,0.16301449564114925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604401098915824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735437770601573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423830350908378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713879927485449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509688472658778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451663876479698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826624393478062,0.0,0.0,0.19820263941785304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855737134191787,0.0,0.1527117525828661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111825000473292,0.0,0.0,0.11829098457384653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888808399424506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659870530141664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687973545234826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SnowyD,2019/03/07,Tonight's the night. Goodbye. I'm sorry. I was never good at anything. I'm just a burden. It's time to stop being a burden to others and just work up the liquid courage to end it. I feel guilty for my family. I'm very sorry. I should never have been born.,-1.5040808080808077,0.4181983090909078,1.3824242424242463,96.03585858585859,102.27272727272728,3.1717171717171717,13.383838383838384,5.033348758259628,-1.1146767676767682,197,4,43,1,9,68,38,55,0.282,0.6609999999999999,0.057,-0.8627,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,2,8,9,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,6,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126693303183465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381495975963528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534779707563621,0.0,0.13595479194091167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255254210204084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147566687900973,0.0,0.0,0.2523274936975489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6019826543418473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479734832008666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567872262088185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185576675033675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574926056082573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BirthdayBalloon,2019/03/07,"im like 15 i think????? and i can not take it i seirosuly want to die so bad i cant remember the last time i was genuinely happy. proabablt like today honestly but does that piece of happiness matter when youre constantly miserable. no amount of pills or medication or whatever the fcuck this doctor force feeds me will fix my fucked up mind. alredy am going down a shitty path in life and i am failing school parents dont believe i will be successful in performing arts and want me to be some type of stupid smart harvard student that i know ill never achieve cause im dumb as fuck im absouletly stupif . i cant find enjoyment in anything and alllll the times ive been abused by my dumb fuck dad for being a ""tranny"" isnt better either like oops sorry my mind is fucked cant fix it sorry buddy might as well kill myself to make u happy lol  .  .  . . the only thing that keeps me distracted these days is playing stupid fucking pokemon and like writing dumb stories from my life i guess on google docs, a pretty lengthy document that people find enjoyment out of when they read it which is surprising to say the least . i just , even with distractions in my life and all the times i kind of laugh at things i still feel like shit because of reasons i dont even know how to explain without getting into reall big deltail,  i!!!! i jsut cnn!bkhb i literall feel myself goign into like madness and i dont know what that means but i literally dont know who i am anymoer other tha na stupid fuck sory i think it is time to go to save my mind and probably like everyone else who knows me from eever witnessing my downfall from here on out",2.764169246646027,4.934147671826629,3.9891857585139294,85.63872187822498,76.92569659442724,7.402641898864808,25.31775025799793,8.344100000000001,1.7488089576883383,1290,47,253,25,30,421,191,323,0.28300000000000003,0.551,0.16699999999999998,-0.996,1,0,0,0,1,2,24.0,0,1,1,5,10,42,15,3,9,1,25,15,1,4,2,53,51,18,2,2,8,2,2,7,0,3,7,1,0,0,18,13,1,1,15,3,0,2,12,20,1,0,2,3,37,22,35,43,6,28,0,2,0,6,9,14,10,5,19,153,55,8,0.0,0.0920003204251451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389778347463589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483293355172452,0.04733357085050701,0.0,0.0,0.08748283690671638,0.0,0.06867344865377957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976600435847292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391002846950853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007661119465561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058648542071012,0.0,0.0,0.07947613702667138,0.06795038963139463,0.0,0.3640120549487457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486503738510037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257169669047098,0.0,0.0,0.0741961024386486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785224410963357,0.055471829632881865,0.0,0.0,0.14193794274147847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307065925915792,0.04056793583704961,0.0,0.08825842752449177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553815397348713,0.0,0.0,0.2479735902415791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516198695069725,0.0,0.0,0.06901721327551381,0.0859061359023038,0.08085856406944596,0.2133668695829745,0.0632935781503629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453548211655478,0.26554463146646845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183072042202887,0.0,0.0,0.08458156172188286,0.0,0.07822230794108337,0.0,0.08237238051674188,0.2352073867129785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988701396515932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905489122684589,0.0,0.0,0.0862190438570711,0.0,0.0,0.05383142687106426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899604904146004,0.08371780208559425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766912874966607,0.0,0.0,0.07983519559204258,0.0,0.0,0.08796017890797769,0.0,0.0,0.061748898463418675,0.0,0.07858403889457727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970467530906282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384141758356525,0.0,0.0,0.06200988579303179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838171985488684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317191611537838,0.09950755496407092,0.0,0.0,0.1811089636324187,0.0,0.0736013348753335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159774129891986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698149815078263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485001300882092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DonkeySkinn,2019/03/07,Is screaming a sign of depression? I've been feeling really bad lately. Every night I go to bed and scream and sob uncontrollably. I don't know if this is depression or something else though.,3.2183333333333337,6.0644163888888905,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,79.55555555555556,8.044444444444443,25.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4889666666666668,154,6,27,4,4,50,31,36,0.461,0.506,0.033,-0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,6,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630601139140268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427176654237245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631903754586196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654497958175168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930269670066538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17905461566028522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314753457267731,0.0,0.3553989360605359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29566041493564843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183410254923487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254689680961186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30954270167505105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,space-boy-kellin,2019/03/08,"I honest to god want nothing more than to kill myself Frankly, I'm tired of being alive.

I'm tired of being pegged as nothing but a failure and a burden, I'm tired of being the source of my family's problems (they've flat out told me I'm the source of all their problems on multiple occasions), I'm tired of constantly being treated like shit by everyone around me, I'm tired of existing, knowing that I'd my death would be nothing short of an improvement in the world. I just wanna die, I'd only be doing everyone a favour by dying, cause everybody's lives would be vastly improved without me existing and fucking everything up",6.608997695852537,6.4751137016129015,7.400829493087556,73.55338709677422,65.20967741935483,10.634101382488481,35.45622119815668,10.290406445055957,3.731102764976958,505,22,90,11,7,169,75,124,0.28600000000000003,0.5529999999999999,0.162,-0.9736,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,10,3,0,7,0,10,7,1,1,1,16,20,4,4,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,9,4,21,10,2,9,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,0,2,54,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884893133943803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560809645032472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213372079891528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538002276716028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336742642760191,0.10989112651292968,0.0,0.11526814257824355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303945763850365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352770054219857,0.0,0.06719806651825927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059736432383630564,0.0,0.10796933679651848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519728464039092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299415876153462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399757694146794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551152115843858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7026743771135587,0.0,0.11683713213800954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211980853397533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786684978061535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737185226120085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ranobekalb,2019/03/08,"Really shitty thoughts the last couple days... I'm currently in a full time course and unable to go see medical professionals about my mental state. I graduate the course at the end of the month and plan on seeing therapists or something at that point. I'm talking to my church leader in a couple days which should be helpful. 

I've never had suicidal ideation in my life up until today. I got back to my place and started scanning through pictures of my baby girl, 8 months old, to keep me strong. I found out a few weeks ago that my wife of five years has cheated on me multiple times in recent years. Sexually active with other men. No protection. Even brought my daughter to the hotel room while my wife fucked these guys. I'm really struggling and am on a downward spiral and am scared as hell. I have no desire to talk to my wife about how shitty our marriage is. I feel so tired and drained of energy to put into making things work right now. 

I was out at a bar with friends tonight, enjoying company, and started getting really distracted by how ruined my marriage is and how fucked up my life is. How hard I've worked for my career and family and finances and for seemingly nothing. I'm in so much fucking emotional pain all the time I need to see a professional soon. My course ends on the 22nd so I'll look forward to making more progress after that. ",5.189356060606059,6.25808952651515,5.729242424242425,80.109696969697,68.50757575757575,8.896969696969698,30.196969696969692,9.150863307647796,2.5554106060606063,1081,41,202,20,18,349,159,264,0.175,0.728,0.097,-0.9756,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,5,13,13,5,3,13,0,11,9,0,6,2,33,36,22,1,3,1,4,2,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,7,16,1,2,4,2,1,4,3,10,0,1,6,7,23,3,42,28,5,56,2,1,5,3,14,24,4,2,29,129,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051939640126167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871951180968946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509427427362981,0.0,0.14626307370799554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755610570283454,0.2008717640797184,0.0,0.0,0.07489749843033333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690038457985934,0.0,0.05733681511095747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433370748166328,0.0876100647482165,0.3145004653662797,0.059245133086690174,0.0,0.06444599875272823,0.0,0.09069375755432084,0.0,0.0,0.11228063248724304,0.0,0.0,0.10158123430895664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600746596491731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079226121349713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243350403908032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601909871979157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522472876652348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138645169014125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423531783653565,0.11427727496259027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810244430715166,0.0,0.08335967501398188,0.08408226958683769,0.08745858124953035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880726105424214,0.0,0.1189908368154389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206621604664462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847549145909525,0.0,0.10719660260836852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399507625061388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179346274852454,0.0,0.11196563205366143,0.0,0.0,0.09684022369179028,0.0,0.0,0.11352995099087801,0.0,0.27108763724434753,0.10323216233667128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729837514452515,0.0,0.0,0.16052563773193598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854692716494501,0.0,0.12403766351846846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228805986768856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166239233822855,0.07533577658001155,0.0,0.0,0.0900243704193552,0.1983677089837767,0.13033290806584133,0.10748688071195472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096005050419267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651084011185232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604760660736366
suicidewatch,Shittacos-98,2019/03/08,"Ive got that Collegetime sadness Im looking for similar stories to give me hope. 
I have been wracked by delusions, paranoia and despair after being a stoner all second year. I quit weed, quit porn but at this point (end of 3rd year) I cant help but fear its too late to make friends this late into school. Call me a snowflake but it makes very sad going to class everyday, seeing people in their groups, laughing, etc. I see guys running into girls they know, the girls face lighting up as they begin to talk. All these people i will never know, never know their stories, all here in this shining moment before dispersing into the workforce.
I never skip a social occasion/party but i feel like an 'accepted outsider'
Some men arent meant for family and home. Its a constant struggle. One half says never give up, but the other side says dissapear in the army. Its a constant battle betwen hope and deep regret.",4.0469961240310095,6.2664249011627895,4.592465116279069,82.56028682170546,73.24418604651162,6.447131782945736,26.582945736434112,7.3011,1.545366201550388,721,26,124,8,15,229,117,172,0.122,0.752,0.127,0.4525,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,2,2,13,1,2,10,0,7,2,1,2,7,30,24,9,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,1,4,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,7,0,3,3,8,14,6,19,19,5,29,0,4,4,1,18,12,0,3,16,81,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700285590602336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840345109000273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27177927736367746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137599698267317,0.0,0.14024300663723754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854465424705407,0.1415022133836416,0.06358230561722703,0.08983487460705639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715311011234727,0.0,0.0,0.2412591642290836,0.07146586674850572,0.0,0.10057269834807232,0.0,0.0,0.12451095296946672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428668248873113,0.0,0.12613616841494765,0.2497936045524599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583014162563767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732454041419945,0.0,0.2836999528149725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143444810055094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559721175712054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678764266735603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879405042708071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852105528453199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743565883759637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887313822687676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749837741753024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000007783156615,0.0,0.12726436692157894,0.200410817691524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818493263831124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314598123107856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107201725845218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037558217925478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195604063469005
suicidewatch,throwmeawayfaraway99,2019/03/08,"I just wanna fucking die I’m tired of living, eating, breathing. I wanna go to sleep and never wake up. Why can’t someone kill me already. Please kill me someone ",0.4628124999999983,2.911842156250003,2.3934999999999995,89.3015,96.1875,2.5600000000000005,22.025,3.1291,-0.026482499999999742,127,5,22,0,5,42,26,32,0.398,0.547,0.055,-0.9473,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,5,4,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600781475214011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445980731914704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24115892768325986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788186548644653,0.0,0.0,0.13394206983154902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214888131013604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081092833246832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177053073596575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587052767216657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358496674903951,0.0,0.3993808877062875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708788724104421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126640574020705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,medlthrowaway,2019/03/08,"I shouldn’t have been born in a first place I’m a mistake. And as we’ve learned at school, mistakes need to be fixed. Being born in 6th month trough c-section with three conditions only prove that I’m right.

Maybe then my father wouldn’t have killed himself, and my family would be happy. They never wanted me, and I can’t blame them for it. Who’d want a freak child anyways.

Being the punching bag is the only thing I’m good at. Being so emotionally numb that the only relationship I’ve ever had is falling apart because my partner isn’t getting enough affection. Which i can’t give to him because I’m repulsed by touch.

And even if I wouldn’t, I don’t see any future for this relationship. For myself. I’ve already tried to correct the mistake in form of me being born (4 times in fact), but it didn’t work as you can see.",3.810660749506905,4.817511639053254,4.774689349112425,85.91438116370811,71.66272189349112,7.053451676528598,26.50936883629191,7.1686216300943375,1.1855913214990141,653,21,134,6,12,213,107,169,0.108,0.843,0.049,-0.7302,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,2,4,8,1,0,7,0,23,1,0,1,5,24,34,10,1,11,2,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,2,3,3,16,2,17,20,2,20,0,0,2,0,12,9,0,1,10,86,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884743751149363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614512914207152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822771320183314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921191904853985,0.0,0.17647487407722345,0.0,0.11280719718223008,0.1544920896818286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100848512815616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527647907755836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923231817167088,0.16384025413265366,0.0,0.14325310514375025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181237510240694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889572021244517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158457250574233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632538116988402,0.0,0.0,0.12664088071825896,0.13172612740158182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896874268915654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844238334233906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667356313149128,0.0,0.14585632949186392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285168242284074,0.2721998926460173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346731174797095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959079956337312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595726820117598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147632919314065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433937282127393,0.0,0.0,0.12132648075540385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MadeInMex,2019/03/08,"Suicide Hotline is very formulaic, does anyone else agree with that? I called 4 or 5 times from 2017-Present and each time, it was like they followed a simple pattern of questions and sayings. I am very disappointed, I only had one call that actually was decently useful. ",5.96125,8.437912625000003,6.544166666666667,69.51750000000001,68.58333333333334,8.966666666666667,34.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,3.8711916666666655,218,11,33,5,4,71,42,48,0.15,0.701,0.15,-0.2484,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,7,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,4,1,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2345192997890629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803851137757725,0.24623796833658934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907906242081955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103071278801199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007579321663571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174090371995575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284819475282802,0.18277547234920755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692152897533913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911134513878165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628729198987646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28026701672716603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756077685384774,0.0,0.39658112076057395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nunyabz7,2019/03/08,"Suicide note in my bra I took a bunch of pills and wrote my son a suicide note. I place it in my bra so it will only be found if I die.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 12 or 13. I'm now about to turn 34. I have been feeling like this for almost 22 years. That's 2/3 of my life. I'm so sick offer this. It drains me just thinking about having to live another ~50 years.

If it weren't for my son, I would've been dead years ago. I feel so bad doing this to him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He's so wonderful and I don't know why god/the universe would give such an amazing son to me, a fucking loser. If he wouldn't been born to someone else, his life would've been so much better. Instead he is forced to live in poverty and live in a small house. And be able to get everything he wants.

My husband doesn't love me anymore. He is selfish and stubborn like none other. Our son and I are not his top priorities. He only cares abort his own interests. He lies to me and he will run anyone and everyone over just to get what he wants. He's mean to me and has called me names like bitch and cunt. I guess I can't blame him though. I am these things. It has been pounded into my head my whole life that I am not wanted or good enough and that I should just shup up and not talk.

I'm going nowhere in life. I literally have nothing going for me. I used to be addicted to heroin and now I am on methadone. I've been on it for 11 years and am nowhere near getting off of it. Besides my son, my biggest life accomplishment is not doing heroin. Wow, not doing something is the only thing I've accomplished.

I can't hold a job because of health issues. I get daily headaches/migraines. I also have stage 3 kidney failure, depression, OCD and anxiety. Even if could physically or mentally bills hold a job, no one would hire me because of my criminal background. That's a whole different story though that I don't wanna get into.

I don't have any contact with my dad. He physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abused me. And my mom acts like none of that happened. My mom has like 20 pictures in her house of my brother and his ""picture perfect"" family. She has zero pictures of me and my family. She has one school picture of my son and that's it.

Sorry I'm rambling and complaining. I just hate my life. I hope these pills do something. If not, I'm gonna have to figure something else out.",1.3941011853843328,3.416486546906192,3.0945570084321155,91.08708297690336,80.7365269461078,6.085803902399284,22.998940893722768,7.209633053413488,0.7874289054543979,1884,64,409,25,49,624,225,501,0.179,0.735,0.086,-0.9943,3,0,4,0,1,2,62.0,1,0,0,7,21,26,5,0,10,0,51,16,2,1,2,72,87,38,4,15,18,11,2,5,0,7,12,0,0,0,26,26,0,3,8,0,1,5,17,11,0,3,12,2,64,15,47,64,9,35,0,3,0,2,42,19,3,12,15,265,90,6,0.07696989434668128,0.09119673859055236,0.0,0.08390854602099647,0.0,0.0,0.06822916724065557,0.0,0.07707423090999839,0.0,0.0,0.061552796700584125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052342167565885694,0.08070964535121374,0.0588817584993459,0.0,0.07633345276432499,0.05381913976638317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426664674484417,0.09384026637001287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077515545172892,0.0680736166575213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859486787805459,0.0,0.07847593706099287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614541975385197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258811443141116,0.07812282255833382,0.07988259835272493,0.0804171573853582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859694033106026,0.08658077127546501,0.0,0.07953047620980808,0.0,0.050837889295620636,0.06962367604618676,0.0,0.07354803252061183,0.06917557799135922,0.0,0.14512073248975602,0.0,0.07783658253648172,0.0549873079005812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439351632746846,0.0,0.07115742704715301,0.2010679649045298,0.07383653623010382,0.08748752945826052,0.06455869556609355,0.0,0.0,0.08479101628548723,0.0,0.13612844674758112,0.0,0.0,0.07599183554090214,0.07899331741475163,0.08181539841599711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644847229543097,0.0,0.1776258478004767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033657229158014,0.15276148697909794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230064099629969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261966758835945,0.1880180123912548,0.0,0.20389748058586288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946833475319164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838427794412658,0.0,0.0,0.1551350999781986,0.0,0.0,0.1802924199952284,0.0,0.0,0.05658172861436201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385468951517077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043135848116676,0.17561721914077807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804171573853582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789764230538289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521634170319507,0.17776555523064805,0.0,0.08616149510304517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838514339179855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061865485508083726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340613305009124,0.0493192003892365,0.1512450607962308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551638470886032,0.0,0.08372114258763297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647727576219713,0.0,0.0,0.13619651372061176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945335774665802,0.17186827656935166,0.0,0.0,0.0834705671031052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870881827891314,0.0,0.0,0.19826435360859795
suicidewatch,wishesdenied,2019/03/08,"The Conundrums I'm only alive so someone else won't die alone, knowing full well that is my fate.

___

I've been suicidal for 18 years. I've been hospitalized 3 times. 1st time for pills, but I was so into drugs at the time my tolerance handled it long enough for someone to find me and pump my stomach. 2nd time someone found out I got a gun and called the cops knowing I was planning to use it. 3rd time was voluntary. And then...

6 years ago my Dad died. The 1st conundrum.

My Dad was always what truly kept me from doing anything. My dad was my best friend and the only person in my whole life I knew gave a shit. I'm an only son of an only son. It was me and him against the world. And he died in his sleep out of nowhere. Undiagnosed sleep apnea. Found him dead taking a nap, when I was 28. 

The 1st conundrum is, the only 2 other family members I have are my grandparents, and they were real old, so if I killed myself at the moment where I truly and utterly was at my lowest not only would  they have to go through losing their son and grandson, but they would also  have noone ro take care of them or visit them...

And then last year...my grandpa died. Now its just me and grandma... she's epileptic and handicapped. 

This is just my situation. This is literally none of the feelings I have about the world or of myself and why I don't want to be alive.

_

My profession let's other people have work and feed their kids. The 2nd conundrum.

I work with a lot of good people. They all have big families and kids. And I have a card in my pocket that says if I'm not there they cant work, I'm a journeyman. Not only do they not work but my boss loses money too. So I take food out the mouths of 3 families of I'm not around.

The 2nd conundrum is, as much as I've tried in the last 18 years of relationships to have start family and find a significant other worth my time, I've failed, but everyone I help gets to have that.

I watch my work and effort give others the things I honestly deserve.


....

I feel like I've been drowning my whole life and I can't handle anything anymore. I'm so tired...",1.8055646988670235,3.640347158139537,3.501162790697677,89.59885807990459,78.5813953488372,6.735837805605247,21.490757304710804,7.702957570686157,0.7739755515802029,1618,45,352,25,39,539,203,430,0.116,0.768,0.116,-0.7276,2,1,1,1,0,1,59.0,0,0,10,11,16,12,2,0,25,0,37,12,5,2,1,58,63,38,8,5,15,8,2,1,1,3,5,1,0,3,15,25,2,1,9,1,2,2,10,5,1,0,18,4,55,7,37,40,9,40,0,3,1,0,34,17,1,5,22,226,70,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688297114824465,0.0,0.0,0.07814472898364941,0.0,0.060338328786839535,0.06278147534789658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748273550060288,0.0,0.0,0.1241798821189069,0.06716759954463444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918142064547723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077044151252014,0.0,0.0769275670003241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132258966038514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749948337359897,0.0,0.06302982872103571,0.0,0.0,0.07796129955660942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209689251717998,0.0,0.0,0.2845148535930225,0.0,0.07630082726502073,0.05390238041250466,0.0,0.0,0.13792213156214955,0.0,0.09123593802422626,0.16545677885001706,0.05829344029743161,0.0,0.039420158385086335,0.07237970390208305,0.04288067805333967,0.06328491974239517,0.060345248648502624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057337524083008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347561722444917,0.0,0.08293205576813613,0.12300566070051265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077154004134508,0.10658688331352284,0.03686166431948313,0.0,0.0,0.06677197244457415,0.0,0.16882127413386575,0.0,0.06414594546805842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546534239651702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791733833524352,0.0,0.0,0.4016884720112325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461677822979304,0.06588111184321956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588002867113695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810063941411654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000185386088915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744961285029593,0.0,0.08481035422585807,0.151011458511308,0.0,0.1917887705624714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340477550282967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253140953298914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018982573214067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050126450733127104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639773462972924,0.08672010021863874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122643871694789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516564537764999,0.0,0.0,0.04450309579741965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783972543599202,0.0,0.06808300775435068,0.16847722825842934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746470040533487,0.0,0.0,0.10719679115546156,0.0,0.0,0.19435249730305545
suicidewatch,MyyyLeeeeg,2019/03/08,Welll... I was going to post about how I was planning on jumping in front of a vehicle sometime soon but there are SO many people posting about wanting to die it's like...I want to be validated but there's too many sad bois...what was I expecting coming to r/suicidewatch,1.6483333333333334,4.104466055555555,3.4348148148148177,86.4666666666667,82.8888888888889,6.562962962962962,25.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.6814666666666669,213,9,42,4,6,71,41,54,0.175,0.755,0.07,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,9,4,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,9,5,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,27,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388056155773105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877167760990086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755390062208158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543859986850312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621272182116459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219357329326836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310116709162286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741835611391871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270301054437523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,QazaKing,2019/03/08,I tried to kill myself and no one seemed to care. Now I’m just lost. I’ve been suicidal for 4 years and yesterday was an especially bad. I messaged my friends thanking them and saying goodbye. They just laughed it off and one person even asked me what drugs I was on (I was sober). I would have probably killed myself if the alarm in my house wasn’t on. The next day everyone laughed until I told them that I was going to kill myself as I broke down in the middle of class. I’m on antidepressants rn and it feels like my life is a bad dream. Why is this world so lonely and that no one seems to care about each other?,1.6762239583333312,3.612638757812501,2.8590625000000003,93.56302083333335,79.390625,6.141666666666668,20.041666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.2468260416666665,483,12,109,6,12,155,84,128,0.262,0.611,0.127,-0.9724,0,2,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,3,1,6,16,3,1,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,14,22,10,4,2,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,9,0,3,8,2,18,7,16,13,1,16,0,3,0,0,9,9,0,3,7,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422663957520635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541254549498364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310312334910168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981425712599845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647879718450296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051249287388303,0.0,0.0,0.14541311995919015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769460441407377,0.10871638201524007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757276535579415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648657333207332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559360753005154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050890343810781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074882058588878,0.07434674960931394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612085705501234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184360763688307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093603588377674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287643454563725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407420871545694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101848593777015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770752614887843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645862721422902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010555719295464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541311995919015,0.0,0.10331924190012244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731746581736182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810327121806924,0.0,0.0,0.09799799276356803
suicidewatch,throwawayadcsp,2019/03/08,"I have a plan to kill myself on my 25th birthday I’m not exactly sure why I’m making this post, I just wanted to tell someone who might understand how I feel, the only person I have told about my plan is my mother, she sees this plan and my mental health in general as me just overreacting, she is not very supportive at all, I am only 17 and when I was about 15 was when I gave myself this deadline, life for me currently is not enjoyable, I gave myself til 25 to improve it but so far I have not only made no progress but have let my situation get worse, I went from a low C student to failing every class, I have lost literally every one of my close friends due to shutting myself off from them, my future is looking VERY grim and I lack any motivation to fix it. I apologize for going on about this randomly but it’s just something I needed to get off my chest.",5.436797752808992,4.9663085224719135,6.7317752808988764,78.50283146067417,67.70786516853933,9.816629213483148,30.721348314606747,9.3871,2.509643146067416,679,23,140,12,10,232,106,178,0.171,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.9507,1,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,7,10,9,1,0,3,0,14,3,1,4,3,29,33,12,1,3,10,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,8,3,31,4,23,23,2,19,0,4,2,0,12,10,0,2,6,100,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229882796434036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27827010242496225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349823285970974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758444243972014,0.0,0.1725545413955708,0.0,0.09385116700881234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553291693522086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269963183768534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886377865618565,0.11664115215672455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386734955745801,0.0,0.18026655119350488,0.0,0.0,0.1562566294467431,0.11023023488980753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641926303255564,0.17518426868969295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224469986996706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190111013614143,0.37678240693875603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419126541406665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815560520563465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159281470502232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562091552345744,0.0,0.0,0.13992005065842966,0.12713053632270602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739551927418135,0.15563967535657294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433702335971624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577954875627081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191344879177345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725106516501481,0.09740208564093626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308366049170474,0.14901046394993248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828871880422813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,desspaire,2019/03/08,I think I’m gonna do it I was fucking around at my school (nothing illegal or anything) I really don’t want to get into specifics but they might check the cameras. They will probably expel me just because they don’t like me. It was nothing serious but they suspended me for making a meme comparing our vice principal to a llama. If I don’t graduate I will kill myself. I’m gonna go somewhere where they would have a hard time finding the body and I’m going to suffocate myself with a plastic bag. I’m sorry for rambling.,2.94341719077568,4.762710113207547,4.810880503144657,81.54848008385746,75.22641509433963,8.107337526205452,29.70230607966457,8.841846274778883,2.6249048218029345,416,19,79,9,9,142,69,106,0.19,0.754,0.056,-0.9435,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,0,5,0,3,4,2,0,6,0,11,2,1,1,0,15,24,5,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,17,1,9,16,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,3,2,52,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730572800785966,0.202623418811132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875049282241694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528262223003612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080337396029058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21042412714042905,0.11891815869874373,0.0,0.258714905609612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038961297410032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518195538333551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119999074134904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193313905283745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414609374760739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368007450904309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24540481710268736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458144225918663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23035604389610054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547936055664063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584492615636555,0.0,0.0,0.13272270350107188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425177435677504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168941913034054,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goingtobreak123,2019/03/08,The only reason I haven’t done It is my cat She almost died last week and if she had I would’ve. Instead I have to keep going but I’m drowning and I don’t know if she’ll be enough,-2.914152823920265,-1.336896302325579,0.25222591362126323,104.19534883720934,105.04651162790701,2.4571428571428573,10.794019933554818,3.1291,-2.0583794019933555,141,2,37,0,7,49,33,43,0.061,0.939,0.0,-0.2854,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,12,5,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,1,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327178925432039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448411934960481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400250002657682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433211350287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883527011223028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953346094379128,0.0,0.0,0.1826055214478919,0.27084234926067835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527043966011117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416263159663155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266524936207218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603328972347465,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,conuretrash,2019/03/08,"feel like I’ve wasted 21 years for nothing, want to hit reset and try again... im watching a lot about conspiracy theories and different dimensions and i high key wanna die to test that theory. i think dying would just be like a big reset button and id be someone else. 

just found out i dropped out of college for nothing and im so old (almost 22) that i feel out of place as a student but i have no degree so i haven’t been hired. i see no point of dragging out this life anymore. i just don’t know how to do it. stopped wearing seatbelts hoping for an accident lol. literally incapable of doing anything for myself because it’s too hard so might as well stop being a drain on society. im not overdosing on pills that’s scary. ",1.3708137583892608,3.673276496644295,3.4848280201342274,86.66469169463087,82.69127516778524,6.409563758389263,24.74874161073825,7.6454224807358475,1.4589627516778525,574,23,115,10,16,195,98,149,0.198,0.7120000000000001,0.09,-0.9315,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,1,11,3,1,1,0,29,20,12,2,4,5,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,5,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,5,9,4,21,12,1,16,0,0,2,0,0,10,0,4,7,72,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316332572760707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169123780563798,0.0,0.0,0.12586974394362538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324054949817984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174883300685348,0.15980645055134834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777509958224406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467828486644544,0.10927178709957648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770834399445647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370185200130098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616063972811258,0.0,0.15191980672808875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956561374080046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406060986801685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803733649526102,0.14945313749892145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003770970494366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226212991855668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29353078799923443,0.0,0.16050157754505096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980645055134834,0.0,0.14459284669792927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188611771892036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959911074187067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557561067489855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800801986156224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038470743316052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021740361061233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752580086455196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086555440711108,0.0,0.0,0.09849864025042074
suicidewatch,RickRoss75,2019/03/08,"Ready to meet my maker...  Ill try to make this an interesting read but Im not that interesting. I grew up poor white trash in east Austin Texas. I was sexually and physically abused as a baby and intill I was 7 year old by my father. He left then and I was out of control. I was then put in a mental hospital at 9 years old for 6 months. I was diagnosed with bipolar schizoaffective disorder. This was in the 80s so I dont think they had PTSD. I hear voices, paranioa, and severe depression. My mother who I loved got breast cancer when I was 10 and died when I was 17 year old. I wasnt taking my meds and again I was out of control. My older sister got me help before I kill myself or went to jail. I come from a hard working family so I applied to be a Correctional Officer for the State of Texas and got the job.Im 6'5"" and at that time weight 250. At that time the State of Texas was taking anybody who didnt have a felony. Bingo that was me! I worked as a Correctional Officer for 21 years and yeah I saw some shit but thats not what this is about. I stayed on my mental medications and even had some longterm girlfriends. During this time I drank a little to much but I was good about hiding the mental problems with in me. I also was doing 12 hour a day shifts on concrete, going up stairs a lot, and countless inmate take downs. Over the 21 years. My knees are gone. I had major surgery on one and severe arthritis in the other. (Can now only walk about 75 feet max and pain every step) I also had major surgery on my stomach for taking mostly over the count pain pills.(popping them like candy) Well 2 years ago I couldnt pass the physical exam to work and they let me go. I couldnt work and my mental health went to shit. I couldnt control the voices,paranoia,panick attacks,pain in my knees,stomach problems and depression. My small amount of family and good friends didnt know what to do for me. I ended up drinking and started doing meth honestly for pain. I then called the police on myself and didnt even know what I was taking about. I told the 911 operater well Im going to rob a bank. I got a class B misdemeanor for terrorist threat. Since 9/11 police use this charge for a catch all on any threat. I wasnt going to do it.Hell I can only walk 75 feet then I got to sit down. I could have baileout with $250 bail but I was depressed and didnt care. For the first time I was in jail for 21 days. I got out and in the last year I have been in crisis stablization units 3 time for suicidal issues. I have been homeless for 3 months in the last year too. I lived in a terrible shelter called the ARCH. I was stuck there with my mobility issues. I stopped drinking and doing meth in August. I got into a kind of bad sobber house funded through a mental clinic in Austin. Its not longterm for sure. It has bed bugs and they suck ass. Never dealt with them intill now in my life. Im a clean freak. I have done everything I think I could do to turn this around. My medication arent working well and my mental health is falling apart. A guy at this sober house got aggressive with me and I desculated the situation but he doesnt understand the fuck it attitude I have now. I have been in a lot of physical altercation growing up in east Austin,playing highschool football,and also working at Texas Department of Criminal Justice. I wont deal with this much longer in a good way. 
     I already started SSI disibility 2 years ago and my sister has gave them 600 pages of medical history. I saw a SSI judge on jan. 10th and Im still waiting on a back log. I got MAP insurance which is health insurance form the county for indigent people. That me but you can only use it at clincs, some hospitals, and get some free medications. I also got on housing 2 years ago in San Marcos Texas (about 30 min drive from Austin) where my sisters lives. Im 16 for a one bedroom apartment but its only going down like 1 or 2 a month. So thats a year away. I dont know how long my funding from the county will last for this shitty sober house,my longterm housing is along time away,SSI is taking for ever, my meds are shit and Im paraniod and hear shit load of voices I cant control, depressed,panick attacks,cant walk without pain,and cant sleep. I dont want to be a burden on my family and friends anymore. I have called crisis hotlines and tried to get someone to talk to but having no money and the MAP insurance doesnt cover counseling. Fuck everytime I call the Crisis Hotline they send the police and I end up in jail or a mental hospital. Im not doing that again but Im honeslty losing my shit physically and mentally. Im giving up and not talking to anyone. I dont have anyone really to talk to about it. I used to be scared to kill myself but not anymore. Im used up and cant find enjoyment In life. I dont know why but Im asexual and cant handle people touching me or touching anyone anymore. Not even a hand shake. I wasnt that way when I was younger. Im going to end up in a mental hospital in a wheel chair. If I owned what I owed when I was younger. I would be gone by now. Im not scared anymore.",1.6676287407241261,3.73744346329838,3.404295127011721,88.97297066300304,80.04861773117254,6.287224060262809,21.914437653040245,7.39963492309942,0.7859004579524851,3999,122,840,57,102,1332,397,1049,0.2,0.72,0.08,-0.9994,3,0,4,0,1,2,106.0,0,1,7,12,37,48,13,3,53,1,88,38,14,11,6,120,149,72,4,10,25,5,5,2,3,3,17,4,3,1,32,52,4,6,8,3,7,25,34,29,3,3,54,12,111,20,129,82,16,160,0,4,3,5,38,68,9,12,63,526,143,10,0.0,0.039092520901536434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774162939395085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036409723775569364,0.10554123003757887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022437066404182648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088481644386166,0.06921056209036419,0.0,0.0,0.029371674759404432,0.0,0.0,0.06199793961712224,0.02537036635357099,0.02754863024679207,0.0,0.0,0.028075482636191744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476234184517827,0.0,0.033639604411712334,0.0,0.0,0.028421428501851358,0.0,0.0,0.14802240505078434,0.05268608371068678,0.0,0.0,0.04255682938404507,0.034015387966290216,0.08525310852359044,0.033488237857500235,0.034242585798966836,0.0,0.037814007732188314,0.0,0.0,0.033764339832351616,0.1933437405535079,0.06464316129846903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766873116326511,0.0,0.0,0.06537672116110951,0.029844981883588133,0.02779888659385733,0.0,0.02965289954769528,0.0,0.09331148277526967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03015593841250243,0.028064698296919818,0.0,0.0,0.05098219917432482,0.06100488344499986,0.03447602948149297,0.03165087239393244,0.11250757845605057,0.0830214609030402,0.26388333491081223,0.0,0.0,0.03266926913782655,0.0,0.0,0.029556163066403924,0.0,0.0,0.10521330769309674,0.07437332155557777,0.0,0.02211519749297991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03249246557521887,0.1522826863133595,0.0,0.0,0.4989488785648705,0.06887437379897136,0.032741475819064184,0.0,0.07300599384462947,0.03435819670350952,0.07253060659200132,0.08068359486169224,0.0,0.0,0.0358481014916688,0.033738622954935425,0.046609307039817666,0.032238425158032616,0.03306867793021566,0.05826865188940882,0.029198671248965514,0.0,0.03691187112495422,0.0,0.05610067533142355,0.02977839306871233,0.0,0.022023765918168098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329784104548055,0.13295202425479594,0.29925192550576324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790065408462202,0.0,0.048508805088588035,0.0,0.02544702381844887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386502783462076,0.0,0.04471520646009992,0.1003737621327874,0.1755398285397892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574780110312407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631416463151194,0.03856824614355515,0.033168105165790635,0.0,0.0,0.033002950696469364,0.0,0.0211368153825828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606554384250818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454770707289664,0.16933944746447335,0.027292995986874617,0.03708666317450338,0.03301784993365713,0.0,0.027955727809525103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670667724624457,0.03516723750620808,0.026349068625672236,0.027584479804569084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036090104971330784,0.0,0.031096475309695545,0.0,0.14884439052916762,0.07955803538655302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042282474173106606,0.0,0.0,0.11543447751385535,0.0,0.0,0.03152720199225149,0.0,0.044801550368847406,0.035888021513596234,0.0,0.03434794054607505,0.0,0.1139849662334357,0.0,0.0,0.019460729048085296,0.05237823790884832,0.0,0.04017783021015908,0.08899676472504335,0.06117157797832778,0.02977197300424504,0.0,0.0,0.03180505985746398,0.0,0.14412024603629042,0.0,0.0,0.02343800661640241,0.0,0.0,0.23371775290394906
suicidewatch,Throwaway290199,2019/03/08,"Really don't think I'm meant to keep going On mobile, so I'm sorry for formatting, spelling etc

TL;DR Have depression, been struggling with personal life a lot lately. I don't think I'm objectively a good person, believe myself to create more harm than good for everybody around me, especially those closest to me. Doubt that after a while I'd be more than just a slightly upsetting passing memory for most people. Have backed myself into a corner by confessing my drug/alcohol abuse as well as my self harming to those that are closest to me, making me promise not to do them anymore to make myself feel better or stop the thoughts and really wish my first attempt was successful because now I'm scared of trying again but not seeing any other options left and can't keep living trapped in my mind with my own self deprecating thoughts for much longer. 

So, guess why I'm posting is to try and see if anybody can think of any good reason I should keep living other than my family/friends will be upset for a short time after I'm gone.


I'd just like to start by saying that I appreciate any and all responses I get from this, the people like you who take time out of their lives to make other's lives a little better or opinion just offer support/advice are the kind of people who this world needs more of.

This kind of leads me into my first point of thinking, I don't think I'm one of those good people who do make the world better, like at all, to any capacity. I've thought about literally everything for a long time, it's what I tend to do, and can't quantify that I've actually contributed anywhere near the amount of 'good' that I've received. It's true that I have helped people and that I know I've done it without knowing at times and usually do it without any sort of incentive or whatever. At the same time though I feel that if I weren't there then somebody else could have been and maybe they'd have done whatever I did better. Basically without me having existed then I'm sure that multiple others would have filled in the gaps in the time line where I would seemingly disappear from and this might even result in a 'better' time line. When I think about it harder and think about the harm that I've directly caused people by being such a let down and not keeping my best made promises and screwing up again repeatedly even after people have offered me so much care and support to try and help, I can't help but believe that by me having not been here at all then the world would have overall been a better, happier, more painless place.

Recently I did get diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which at the time I'm pretty sure was brought on by my university course and the fact I hate my own body image (obese all my life), started on medication and told my friends (family eventually found out, kind of got out of my control at one point), everybody was very supportive and things kind of started to look up.

Situation shifted slightly because I ended up falling for one my very supportive friends (I rarely have any interest in anybody which really doesn't help) but have no hope with them and know that internally, but by not opening that stupid Shrodingers box by saying how I feel, I'm protecting myself from further upset whilst still having to struggle through all my other problems on top of this.

Ever since people started finding out about stuff I slowly allowed people to know more and more what was going on, such as how I was depending on alcohol to help cope, so I made promises to cut back (partly because I shouldn't drink on antidepressants anyway). Next I panicked when I self harmed too badly once (I self harmed to help interrupt my self deprecating thoughts) and got my housemate involved by asking for their help, then promised to stop self harming. Ordered dangerous weight loss supplements from online, told somebody again that I intended to use them to try to improve my self image and thus hopefully help my depression, they were furious I'd put myself at risk when there are safer ways and made me promise not to ever get them/take them. Starved myself until i collapsed to try and lose weight instead, got found and made to promise to eat at least something everyday.Obviously, as more and more coping mechanisms got removed, I ended up sneaking around and going back to using whichever I felt best at the time, and each time I'd end up getting found out and upsetting people or letting them down, making me feel even worse.

Made a suicide attempt because I couldn't stop thinking about how bad of a person I am etc and felt backed into a corner. Antidepressants don't seem to do anything other than they stopped my anxiety a couple of times, making me physically panicked instead because I knew I wasn't getting the 'regular' responses/feelings in each situation.

Just recently got caught out self harming again and now I've let people down yet again but can't seem to get a balance between doing what I think will help me and keeping my promises and not harming the people I care about. The main reason I keep going back on my word and breaking my promises is because I tell myself this time I won't get caught so what they don't know won't harm them etc but then part of me feels like filth for being like that and I go round in circles in my own head fighting the same battles with myself on a daily basis.

As of right now I'm seriously considering just ending it all in as cleaner way as I can, leave a nice long note explaining everything and free the people I care about from this awful cycle I've dragged them into of me consistently letting them down after building their hopes and trust in me up. At least if I succeeded this time around it'd just be the one upset and then everybody could move on eventually rather than me reminding them every few weeks that I'm still here, still suck and still letting you all down. I just really don't find it fair on anybody that things keep going as they are, it's not fair on them to suffer because of me and it's not fair on myself to be trapped like this and have to keep fighting every single negative thought I have throughout every day, it's exhausting for everybody involved.

I really can't see any good reason in the long run why I should keep fighting against my thoughts and doubts to try and get better and try to maintain my promises when I've failed to do so in the past and I, and everybody around me, are becoming exhausted with it all. So, if any of you have any thoughts as to why I should keep struggling on, or if there's anything that you can suggest I try to make my thoughts better/life easier then I'd love to hear whatever you have to say. 

Again, if you made it this far then thanks, people like you make the world a better place and give me a reason to wake up tomorrow, even if it is just to see if a stranger on reddit has any good reasons for me to get up the day after that",12.899601630073185,7.5274212073353315,11.595403193612777,64.8084125083167,57.73502994011977,14.659986693280109,45.48230206254159,11.34169021259432,4.9829043779108435,5527,211,1022,93,45,1767,433,1336,0.153,0.6829999999999999,0.163,0.9572,1,2,5,0,7,1,89.0,0,7,18,22,73,105,11,12,44,1,93,17,3,32,14,240,225,100,1,25,40,0,10,7,2,12,8,4,0,11,64,70,6,16,46,1,1,20,32,45,1,6,48,19,131,61,192,149,40,193,1,7,6,2,71,86,2,29,89,715,195,4,0.0,0.03394167790472117,0.02795506559937809,0.0,0.0,0.02799324245667244,0.0,0.06122926160039637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480751393233295,0.0,0.043829323555555716,0.0,0.02840984784241366,0.0,0.0,0.04714761808435921,0.10200661417736834,0.02678081542830268,0.0,0.0,0.11013779403822456,0.04783762791394329,0.12223941894167285,0.03163805069696125,0.0,0.06455008545095157,0.06012592887461854,0.2280212566257903,0.0,0.03182004708961315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762171828164468,0.02942807171943176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032129731461743825,0.045744148551418284,0.03169704992447494,0.0,0.03694952799891348,0.0,0.07402013180915683,0.029075816978364512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863107933825696,0.0,0.028062878895197305,0.03322109953951289,0.02931274540194725,0.023930658024110908,0.0,0.10148996165460678,0.0,0.09584599297562928,0.07568355142939666,0.051825195142387134,0.07240828934427915,0.0,0.051491648130032375,0.0,0.027005577368173456,0.0,0.08690785178795414,0.020465221919708045,0.055010685673174575,0.0,0.0523651647377664,0.048733769433108684,0.0,0.09422894697893863,0.06639715257584979,0.0,0.13470055588608293,0.027480543373094763,0.09768354410844172,0.16819256250861267,0.11455699135553102,0.0,0.03155759085746647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02828270446049753,0.029399798476945318,0.0,0.032286934517498235,0.0,0.1728116282899698,0.0,0.0,0.08535796772106262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546252026138246,0.0,0.11932459907969135,0.07871743847692743,0.0,0.032314747019823085,0.03033273937210553,0.03112474422896978,0.14646605627833054,0.040468049908891066,0.09796737999294357,0.02871153840064144,0.10118231154005247,0.07605433509451259,0.024056029266635463,0.032048351236784366,0.0,0.02435441624668513,0.025854782519760474,0.16263731012917665,0.15297526008644946,0.0,0.028779479816237786,0.0,0.0,0.028858555805361237,0.0,0.03038964206672732,0.028925020129390563,0.0,0.0,0.030446928953494243,0.042117269490160814,0.02124117930485701,0.0,0.0,0.03046611085816544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03050782101924583,0.07764703324886724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204321058039385,0.027346534919364156,0.27804039388038543,0.07503963074750288,0.05985944883932205,0.0,0.054160818162127713,0.0,0.027435638308136816,0.029144012106918332,0.0,0.027411041449585515,0.0,0.028797865072010168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917591093004934,0.14726799220499834,0.056570358486273925,0.0,0.0,0.024464141673000032,0.0,0.06834306270667696,0.02868036337884923,0.0,0.091310905193717,0.07823669178993949,0.2390782059356124,0.0,0.0,0.02369686214850721,0.0644002252605001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0220536439915248,0.0,0.032067656801925734,0.08110518117185406,0.0,0.09150922782744476,0.09579975986242137,0.0,0.08984331232935472,0.03279363981542615,0.031334861253123784,0.13003182987254,0.05399838765027394,0.0,0.02153876770951593,0.0,0.02503849523525573,0.026374050230407974,0.0,0.0,0.038063214665108716,0.16520094863051976,0.02814525616575859,0.1819383613958708,0.21715372036536132,0.0,0.0,0.05474633564580514,0.0,0.1555939353291279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948313540101909,0.031550314019782776,0.047273086932753,0.0,0.045476864610414856,0.02297867019803731,0.06976797302678926,0.025756840892643743,0.0,0.07754762509509254,0.0,0.03294231332023998,0.08284324514206436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029193454221552,0.06104942221349975,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SP4NY4RD,2019/03/08,"So here I am, alone, with everything a human being could need to keep him/herself going, but feeling as hollow as a drained coconut. 
I did it, I 'succeeded' in life; I got a permanent full-time job, a mortgage, no debt, copious savings, food in my belly, a bed to sleep in... Yet here I am ruminating on the prospect of ending it all. 
Led a charitable life? Doesn't matter, once you're dead you'll soon be forgotten. Lived a long life? Chances are your family wants you out of their hair already.
I'm constantly told that your life isn't defined by your demeanor, but by your actions, however, does any of it matter when we'll all end up the same way? A cold, lifeless shell - either turned to ashes or voraciously feasted opon by insects.
Been reading this far? To be fair it's not terribly long for a swan song, but by now you must be asking:
 ""Why do you want it all to end when you have a comfortable life?""
The answer is simple, I'm tired of the rat race, the constant strutting and attempts to 'leave your mark' on the earth. It generates stress and its all for nothing.
Finally, to the good natured of you, don't worry for me, I'm not at the stage of actually making an attempt on my own life. I'm just having strong feelings. 
I pray that the medication returns me to my mental faculties with haste. I can't even remember the relative bliss of thinking straight. ",3.9694029850746233,5.335076089552242,5.134507462686567,82.11758208955227,71.68656716417911,8.345074626865673,30.19104477611941,8.841846274778883,2.437196417910448,1064,45,209,20,20,352,167,268,0.105,0.736,0.159,0.9549,4,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,11,1,4,10,8,0,1,21,0,21,11,2,2,5,34,38,11,1,5,8,0,3,0,0,3,8,1,1,1,10,5,1,1,5,2,2,3,7,2,0,0,4,5,25,6,35,26,7,30,1,0,0,0,16,11,0,1,14,136,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.11891898632689747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262114876750469,0.13447690271115062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828698183638366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392380434307912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26337740532631826,0.0,0.09729627993151084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066415876532112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237986507154726,0.0,0.0,0.08048819618763199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952102004834788,0.0,0.11487992665870317,0.0,0.1232334035219443,0.0,0.0,0.13349302603227245,0.0,0.0,0.14735508865703936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925654794655592,0.10221142195982093,0.09746356158764996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209284718961297,0.10831586454510246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903345212429082,0.0,0.0,0.5164451634016572,0.0,0.0,0.1076057027999164,0.21568671583697585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134332039887421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276237346079087,0.12280746246194753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035856139710376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692914126522926,0.0,0.0,0.12977823778499167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189421203376348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804502343388134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194924137927901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959163256888035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808375862465164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006156272182665,0.0,0.11644363195942697,0.0,0.0,0.13255002996803406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437538270281209,0.09672777589397616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099608099717932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237559990752208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polkatulk,2019/03/08,"Last night I found a suicide letter from ten years ago, and I still feel the same way. I should've done it already I've felt this way since I was a teenager and although my life really changed in the last ten years I still feel the same way. If I've been wanting to do it for so long, despite all the things I tried to be better, I should just kill myself already. I'll probably still feel like that in the next ten years too. 
I have no energy, I have no wish to do anything, I have no future plans, I'm just bored by everything and I'm tired of feeling like that. 
I'm not desperate, I don't think people around me can see that I want to kill myself because I'm calm, I'm fine, I'm not sad, I just don't want to keep going anymore. 
I've always thought that some day in the future I would commit suicide and maybe this moment has arrived. I'm a failure in solving my problems and dealing with difficulties, I don't know if I can improve. I'm not worthy of the things I have and I feel like a impostor all the time and I'm tired of my mediocrity. I've always been the weird one, I never had many friends and I'm tired of feeling that I don't belong to anywhere, maybe I just shouldn't be here at all. ",2.878875968992247,3.5348899883720932,4.132558139534884,90.96341085271321,73.53488372093022,6.818604651162791,25.573643410852714,6.691623216298621,0.7794015503875968,939,29,215,7,18,309,119,258,0.195,0.6659999999999999,0.139,-0.964,0,0,0,0,0,5,23.0,0,0,0,3,11,13,2,0,13,0,23,4,0,0,5,47,51,12,4,10,9,0,7,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,11,0,0,1,12,6,0,4,8,8,27,7,20,38,6,28,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,3,21,132,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894502606982915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227124779541875,0.0,0.16792972083866808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007519549060208,0.0,0.0,0.08303999238011464,0.0898309268652112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061513547873064414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924632972894443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067489633405266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507833583424408,0.1040333536892794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326554297558267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069103047171563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306137516314444,0.21626948821412664,0.0968890286451336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106421541114656,0.07796249691192733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734924398452666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969307780089741,0.22328301492849395,0.0,0.05545727022400468,0.16450956391633353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127542583507983,0.147897981797593,0.0,0.0,0.08930180941375612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023064832424871,0.20275448743713814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782769468535132,0.0,0.10731849099936012,0.09469681197652452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837894798617032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995800220454122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087976025025539,0.09655684700897756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464526562920334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804118763533363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347345347218978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24175958055520716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207574206642311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340796920047103,0.064658789058468,0.0,0.08011094068915249,0.058841191909169775,0.3479421789656598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851098596860558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855726738590194,0.2402920005818793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604104547557467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168327565489742,0.0,0.0,0.19494739751381288
suicidewatch,jokeofaman65,2019/03/08,"I swear im on the straight and narrow path to suicide I hate being me. Can't make connections with anyone at school/work. Every day feels the same, hopeless and redundant, pointless. My life will always be empty and shitty because I don't know how to do anything else. I feel like I've failed at life, it's like I'm stuck behind a wall, or stuck on a level on a game.",1.686623376623377,3.5016132467532515,3.2584415584415574,91.29337662337663,78.87012987012987,5.43896103896104,21.38961038961039,6.18269132825596,0.2238103896103896,288,8,61,2,7,95,57,77,0.302,0.614,0.083,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,5,0,6,2,0,2,0,11,14,5,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,6,2,9,9,1,10,0,2,0,0,1,9,0,1,3,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099098433315506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857057187104648,0.0,0.21855678153278565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190034052820232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128267019022694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186518896259935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237698434318184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685791442347157,0.1897365431323633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26221374954167265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286881254501172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596054437566308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37518615371704106,0.2595063412250264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728244743357746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687898341178559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905108127840305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335165806018306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pseudoephedrine_,2019/03/08,"I feel debilitated from my suicidal thoughts For a while things were looking better, but now I'm back to wishing to slit my wrists. It's been a decade of suicidality. At what point do I let it win? ",3.605666666666668,4.911568900000006,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,72.5,8.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.9715833333333337,156,6,34,3,3,53,34,40,0.065,0.71,0.225,0.775,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,9,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,2,6,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272071561666104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613295146214856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940440461970475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30215001501109284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481301739362993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27932567511755085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6464179509285124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963048841258139,0.0,0.0,0.2345794309945396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397893244731012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Diacta,2019/03/08,"Death is a chariot. Death is a chariot.
Whose horse reign asunder.
Life is fleeting.
As lightning before thunder.

Death is a temptation.
Where you give to the abyss.
Tears will not be shed.
For those who are not missed.

Death is a jester.
Who laughs while you cry.
Reaching out is trivial. 
When you only lust to die. 

Death is a summary. 
Of what you did not fear. 
Do not cry for me, sweetheart. 
Because I won't shed a tear.",-0.40799139167862464,1.2978297073170744,0.6814203730272617,98.76838593974176,111.6829268292683,3.880631276901005,19.45767575322812,5.900188976854957,0.06173802008608354,324,12,68,4,17,100,55,82,0.309,0.56,0.131,-0.9627,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,0,13,2,0,0,0,5,15,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,6,2,7,11,0,4,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,0,2,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028343450810434,0.0,0.2656162288220457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6857631243340518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239618931185233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512549639043751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994422383808565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048041923892076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374037564720599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,newyrks,2019/03/08,"it never stops i want to kill myself tonight
im 19 and for almost half of my life i have dealt with this violent sadness and i have absolutely no reason to be alive
no one would care
i tried to ask my boyfriend to speak to me but he never hears me and when i try to tell him how i depressed i am he gets angry
im tired im so so so tired i just want it to stop
i swear my brain is being eaten and being depressed for this long has completely changed my brain chemistry
i can’t remember anythingat all. i can’t recall any of my childhood so other than the rape that i vaguely remember at 16, i couldn’t tell u what happened to me. 
i feel like ive been dead for years and i’ive been carrying my corpse around with me everywhere i go why does my pain feel so illegitimate? because no one care hear me? no one can see me
im so sorry there are so many of you feeling this way ",-0.4467857142857135,1.7215418412698469,1.9034722222222242,95.44187500000002,90.90476190476193,5.0547619047619055,18.98611111111111,6.6274283507984215,0.05328730158730188,684,21,159,9,24,231,110,189,0.314,0.621,0.065,-0.9954,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,12,10,3,0,1,0,17,8,2,2,3,27,32,15,2,4,2,0,3,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,8,8,1,2,6,0,0,1,9,7,0,4,3,7,32,3,19,24,1,13,0,3,1,1,10,2,0,1,10,104,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006821305718978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474883347515399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785140293865813,0.1027596252511274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700573142415958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454123861972836,0.0,0.0,0.22413992480517791,0.0,0.11627995156713845,0.0,0.11524820251965942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893465125215341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619104318556723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673536892518542,0.0785263070417136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742825154085681,0.0,0.062469621289531374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972011961900314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24777388130007996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749264449232704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160932223213965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763919015861577,0.053700974767132884,0.0,0.0,0.09727504369634624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144082850240047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955294525392334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345230842232947,0.0,0.11696179148742668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301525699234992,0.0,0.0,0.2490340795349417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875913807046676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230455586563334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379476623789887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214847241043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252671928933113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925585937230254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966639833532295,0.08724875419632933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918499202312102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808345449440865,0.0,0.0,0.07078436870852464
suicidewatch,guddaK,2019/03/08,"my way to go been planning it out for a few days. i think my plan is to get pulled over, get out my car and pretend to reach for something. i tried doing it myself, didn’t work out obviously. so hopefully this’ll work. ",1.8836666666666664,3.651322644444445,3.2197222222222237,92.01625,78.1111111111111,6.277777777777778,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8340000000000001,169,6,38,2,4,55,34,45,0.032,0.8640000000000001,0.104,0.4924,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,9,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,25,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243209194037666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940560171033928,0.0,0.2143242175656074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745621601218326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903230039057647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416412739012708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560376116960052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29933783158432464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5490911704078122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Airsputty,2019/03/08,"A peaceful exit? I’ve dealt with a lot of things in my life. Struggled with some mental issues and have even found how to control and wait them out. My depression has been more bipolar which has made it easier to distract myself. A long time ago I was put on meds for a bit but it wasn’t for me. I found that gym and routine really helped me keep my life on track.

Since then, I’ve accomplished a lot of goals such as learning to ride a motorcycle, experimenting with various things, as well as traveled the world quite a bit. To the extent of traveling abroad eight times within a year. All of this I was able to accomplish with my own hard work and disciple.

However, at this point I am starting to feel complete. I’ve recently heard someone describe life as the dash between two dates. It made me assess whether I felt like I had given that dash my all, and I feel that I have. I’ve taken risks that could have gone dire simply for the thrill and luckily it has paid off. But at this point, all the effort to stay on the tracks just seems like not worth it. 

Constantly having to evaluate my emotions and make decisions to prosper and go on has all but exhausted me. I don’t feel depressed. I feel complete. Is there such a thing as a peaceful passage?

This isn’t time sensitive but it’s been on my mind.",3.4193223443223464,5.102710038461543,4.215494505494508,86.89141025641027,73.61538461538461,7.721611721611723,26.227106227106226,8.418075326091056,1.6768260073260075,1030,36,211,18,21,330,144,260,0.08800000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.119,0.885,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,7,7,10,0,3,16,0,19,5,0,5,4,46,39,20,0,1,7,0,6,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,18,13,0,3,10,3,2,6,4,6,1,2,16,7,23,4,37,22,13,33,0,2,0,0,3,15,0,4,13,147,41,5,0.11856758587596865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051030109202828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889019008209985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486317158964621,0.12812943842535013,0.13298362956636375,0.09466656938968954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424417595237254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333725753497013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831277223354258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598185032265633,0.0,0.0,0.2398053359049243,0.0,0.11384347632135602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600064760245711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738469144440175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621326789757833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947335351521725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375375482860584,0.0,0.10538831817805484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512433770928725,0.1158522667578028,0.0,0.0,0.1049285823958956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160384298950665,0.0,0.2243830332002656,0.07914478426460224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170185875931692,0.0,0.11948823916915732,0.0,0.11971946191540685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22416938616681065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191931723923121,0.0,0.12611122235172,0.0,0.0,0.07595743160869864,0.0,0.11707118695237845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793947709438677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808033228022613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046193074634904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392274754702597,0.12637727062449533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395258454045785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363131066854741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074131384586356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582330285676387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660649909712014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631861465083747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763536379131214
suicidewatch,itsadeadlylife,2019/03/08,how do you tell someone you’re suicidal i’m not in a good place rn and i need to tell somebody how i’m feeling but i don’t know how ,-3.836785714285714,-3.163505749999999,-0.16339285714285626,104.37625000000004,122.125,3.0785714285714287,17.07142857142857,5.288315135182226,-0.7459696428571432,104,4,28,1,7,37,23,32,0.161,0.794,0.045,-0.4944,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,9,7,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802057346468364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989300604732127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586723461805336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26426489040849704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723604622041715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019751994403169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389841993053971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6230158038189089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sketch_fest,2019/03/08,Is a heroin overdose a good way to go? Ive been thinking that a heroin overdose would probably leave you feeling quite relaxed as you lost consciousness and finally passed. Does anyone know if there are any drawbacks to it?,6.196260162601625,7.991664073170733,5.857073170731707,77.41211382113823,66.8048780487805,8.393495934959349,35.61788617886179,8.841846274778883,3.3600666666666665,181,9,29,3,3,56,35,41,0.213,0.623,0.16399999999999998,-0.3328,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,2,3,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083490043426193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422812058342128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26811532893088463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491500664826988,0.0,0.0,0.3356244723307448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412289653537694,0.25697712892617114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837851477090413,0.0,0.0,0.32441233500662386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344501197231633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303296149633736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32587299653388524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631602537547052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431902977185785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176436640305543,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lev_King,2019/03/08,"I've decided that I'm going to kill myself on the 27th September. I've fucked my life up to this point, my grandfather diedin November, my mother & uncle died in January, then my best friend left my life for good at the start of February. I got kicked out of college because I can't afford it, & I honestly can't wait another year to get my life on track. 



I'm going to kill myself in September because I'll get my inheritance around about then and the 27th is my birthday. If you know any more or less painless ways to do it, let me know. My mind is pretty much set  & I'm at peace with my decision.",5.363333333333333,4.768228666666668,6.601428571428574,79.79357142857144,67.8888888888889,10.692063492063493,30.698412698412696,10.290406445055957,2.823726984126984,476,16,102,11,7,162,79,126,0.121,0.7240000000000001,0.154,0.4158,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,0,1,2,7,3,0,3,0,6,4,0,0,0,12,19,5,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,17,4,19,17,4,19,0,0,0,1,3,11,1,2,4,58,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164185943800781,0.0,0.10803952879309006,0.1665928725979194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143123007731506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936958026752038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667280920723888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648857639289099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227453865047776,0.14687612771530828,0.1660098478445837,0.0,0.1805831110460645,0.13325567841029234,0.12706576985839207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515403053125801,0.0,0.1746256043039571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726166836393893,0.16245906931484794,0.3366514685504269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041709490710385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679041167141875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018695006079316,0.0,0.0,0.16163161633823228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245158592200168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261065069903573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230942057078836
suicidewatch,Novolius,2019/03/08,"This is the end of the line, here is my perspective. First of all, why am I here? I've made a decision. 

I just want to tell you thanks for the time you are about to give, and I apologize if things don't make sense. 

Everyone has a story and everyone has their ways of dealing it. There is nobody without one, with that in mind I am to present too you my case. It's quite simple, life has been rough, life gave me choices and everything I needed to survive. However life never gave happiness.. that's all left to your own mindset. You make the world around you basically. Happiness is a lie first of all in my perspective. Its straight BS. What is happiness without pain or the presence of it? See, misery is a constant and never changing state that will always be there waiting for you to return too it after you fall of your high. See. I live my life accepting misery and embracing the emotions associated with it. So you ask Why? Why don't you just be normal and bring yourself up? Be positive. Positivity is bs. Some notion that thinking being happy... makes you happy. That you should look around and see who you cares about you, the things too be thankful for, the life that eagerly waits for you to grab and seize it. The truth is, forget all that. The only things you can count on is your upcoming pain and misery. The constant that never changes. The  positivity you built lying to yourself created an empire waiting to crumble down and plunge you back into where you belong which is in the arms of misery, a familiar and comforting place that never ever leaves. Bringing yourself to embrace that place is ironically a peace unmatched by any happiness you can conjure up for yourself. 
Misery is your only friend that will never leave or forsake you and when you start away it will always be there with open arms, ready for you to just let go of whatever you're going through. Gives you the ability to embrace your pains, regrets, anger, sadness, resentment, the past present and future. You just have to take the plunge and accept that happiness is an unattainable creation that your mind conjured up to suppress the reality of what you feel. 
However, the one downside of going down this path is that eventually it engulfs your being and sends your soul into such an abyss that it really can't be reached. It becomes the only thing you know and live by. 
Thus, it is not surrendering because life is tough, it's simply accepting how things are and letting go. If you live in the abyss, you can die by it and know everything will be ok. The notion to lay to rest easy is more comforting than a conjured up figment of imagination. 

Once again, I apologize if nothing made sense.  
I have made a decision and I plan to follow through even if it brings me to doing the unimaginable too attain comfort I believe I need. ",4.996596045197742,6.6746317457627145,5.36502777777778,80.24223093220344,69.58380414312617,8.398512241054615,30.035828625235403,8.912814788092511,2.5184594726930327,2231,89,405,41,40,710,237,531,0.086,0.7559999999999999,0.158,0.9886,2,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,36,1,6,26,28,2,0,33,1,50,11,2,8,11,83,88,28,1,10,13,0,3,0,1,5,9,0,0,0,41,27,0,4,10,0,0,10,11,8,0,4,6,7,54,20,65,66,8,58,1,2,4,0,49,24,0,7,22,308,95,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852796489330034,0.0,0.0,0.04434833675935428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611009210842912,0.06096708475613648,0.0,0.061271501697158025,0.050146196944294535,0.0,0.039754369451039176,0.07202468212831516,0.0,0.0734748077637873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649088958545718,0.0,0.13797733585166794,0.0,0.0,0.14094817747680352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723365048507016,0.0,0.0,0.06768272193732827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335793261858542,0.057761003493888075,0.0,0.0,0.043073795745638715,0.05899056870034745,0.0,0.12463117466835236,0.11722181067194648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032974589466323284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094344231110877,0.0,0.0,0.050384834117483984,0.0,0.0,0.12512006002636772,0.14825241670685527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859569702434653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890307337035484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168075604355048,0.0,0.0,0.13810622735785466,0.0708561292504653,0.13337321249122214,0.2763790783722925,0.0,0.0,0.1727577315559866,0.0,0.054764052241855724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851236139112586,0.13059426353518724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169682293824567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671197521722248,0.2514885773154156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389671010169193,0.06257541088174312,0.0,0.0,0.06945169069944501,0.08838254514355283,0.14879650456571145,0.20817960665242705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225495697392164,0.0,0.0,0.13627128347203796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693640242566227,0.0,0.0,0.04177830513673293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590338476647658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615940903577277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903345381713115,0.0,0.057000656505801675,0.12008215060252128,0.0,0.0,0.2166292546983301,0.0417870449253132,0.0,0.0,0.03802730557703567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846541031077697,0.051764515284630885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653878555217858,0.0,0.0,0.12572958334225834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SH0VEL_MAN,2019/03/08,"have anyone else just wanted to die for no reason? I used to often think about suicide but for actual reasons, but now sometimes i will just think ""I should kill myself"", I'm happy, I live a pretty good life but everyday I think about doing it, I'm a teenager so maybe is just me ""acting accordantly"" but I've honestly just want to stop thinking about it",3.1760476190476155,5.09854955714286,4.637142857142859,82.59619047619049,74.85714285714286,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,1.2345238095238096,279,8,52,4,6,93,47,70,0.188,0.594,0.217,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,0,20,14,5,3,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,8,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.18971565623204945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359356628086799,0.19919553654748412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176639762532905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240421525642784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306148908984092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20695255847620003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508533948876413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373171995895333,0.0,0.0,0.17166717570968396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953105021322518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977843823132294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997707490089976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922759950573788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253507118917604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126524706029968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982791046610232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790741326739256,0.0,0.0,0.2293355541691153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pyro_Cryo,2019/03/08,"This might be my final sorry I am hurting everyone who tries to help. Abigale, Haylee,and Diego. Abby, you have helped me through this please live life to the fullest. I have hurt you and i cannot live like this. Haylee,you always took my knife when i tried to end it. I guess you couldn't take them all.Diego, you always made sure i took care of myself. I guess you can rest now. You took me in when i was all alone. You gave me something to live for. Life is just too much. Abby you said there is always a reason to live. You just haven't met them yet.I have, they just don't realize that they are the last reason i live. I am just going to say it. You are the best friend i could have had. You are my reason for life. You cared about me. You gave me new life. This is my farewell. Love you. Goodbye.",-0.4770199031737512,1.7098963195266317,0.6023587950511029,104.42612022592795,91.72189349112426,3.5461000537923617,13.00726196880043,4.851557810540192,-1.5926118343195266,614,9,151,2,22,189,86,169,0.067,0.787,0.146,0.9405,0,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,14,4,1,10,9,0,0,4,0,22,5,0,4,2,17,37,3,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,10,2,39,7,12,23,4,12,0,2,0,1,28,1,0,3,8,99,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950748465359976,0.0,0.0,0.263934939858655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096024413878366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156036490827009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441918463780844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364804114972107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103239787995497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582531645003237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168904162572742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600904917700151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329536059744436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417411816534604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263786936878104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618649444856151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987293356964057,0.051655795499867256,0.0,0.4668208126323903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954281466995791,0.10004710655220904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216598782352556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777259094796286,0.0,0.0,0.10211757539783033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606306607963925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261333539406136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057628097155524,0.08408311317112202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139841719709102,0.0,0.1183594197811212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996520866940717,0.0,0.0794980457925308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524197089598365,0.14357151210617106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uniqueusernametb,2019/03/08,You can’t outrun your destiny I’m at the liquor store. Then I’m going to get 90 days worth of antidepressants. It’s going to be alright I tell myself. Some people will be sad but I won’t have to clean it up. And they ghosted me while I was alive so they can ghost me while I’m dead those selfish fucks. I should probably finish writing my note but there’s no reason why I should wake up tomorrow. Weirdly enough I feel at peace. I think I’m actually going to do it this time. I’m only worried that it won’t be enough to kill myself and I’ll just end up some brain dead monkey. But it’s fine. It will all be fine. If I take them fast enough and jam myself under my bed I won’t be able to seize and shake free and I’ll choke on my own vomit. It’ll be ugly but it’ll be over and that’s what matters the most. ,0.14563004345126984,1.9512347765363136,2.263752327746744,96.54474084419618,83.91620111731844,4.871632526381131,16.648355058969585,5.82211442006289,-0.6871492240844193,631,12,152,4,18,212,102,179,0.25,0.631,0.119,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,3,0,3,10,2,1,2,1,21,5,2,1,1,23,34,15,5,3,6,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,6,1,0,3,1,3,4,5,6,0,0,1,1,22,5,15,17,8,21,0,1,0,1,7,8,1,4,9,97,35,0,0.19343433119437015,0.0,0.1887640040079728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593668618711695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474914119741452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132540308692198,0.5996081171395282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780620990321601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882692222990826,0.10106145434146042,0.0,0.3297995643410168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140064277860821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711552535811362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341030095964918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085549254225014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888270891017934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543854385862387,0.0,0.16907013142714875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394490889338765,0.0,0.0,0.11279311407712254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454439711735664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644195285376276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyana0908,2019/03/08,"I think I'm depressed and suicidal. I have no friends and struggling to make new ones. At school I'm always anxious to talk to people because I don't speak very good and because I don't have nothing to say. At home I'm bored all the time because nobody texts me and when I try to text people they don't answer. Last night I made a story on Instagram: ""company?"".
Result? Nearly 60 people watched it and didn't write to me. I don't even want to go to school anymore or do anything, like homework or get up from my bed. I've been thinking about committing suicide, but I can't do it. What if I try and don't die? And my parents will probably be destroyed.  Everytime I think about doing it I always cry. I don't want to do it but sometimes I wish that something bad will happen to me, like being ran over by a car or something. ",1.6074999999999982,3.4963321337209337,3.2838953488372127,90.66561046511627,79.40697674418605,5.695348837209302,25.284883720930228,6.6274283507984215,0.8969930232558139,645,25,136,6,16,214,99,172,0.185,0.723,0.092,-0.9221,1,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,0,4,9,1,1,3,0,19,0,0,3,2,26,34,14,3,4,6,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,3,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,5,0,1,4,3,19,4,20,26,1,14,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,4,7,85,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272103936901017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424180282216968,0.13540262231411884,0.0,0.0,0.11235384222924512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399815128831585,0.24968511874573895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997350975701468,0.0,0.0,0.11759443423269265,0.0,0.14169820573450528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017780899803607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548394606956008,0.0,0.07133210597846927,0.0,0.07759403301856489,0.11451619645473853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073440931644043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695228872361434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129144560160023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340484937142758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918946509766666,0.0911358777763602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186303329853818,0.0,0.1281256219740544,0.0,0.13100571595292504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251731983154277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160214210746428,0.0,0.0,0.2839613823559706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720411594617716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085753780261022,0.0,0.2763544595002405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021733341186186,0.13503320585640927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273243271440098,0.0,0.2986867375746967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973889775945772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624517359547158,0.0,0.0,0.07961265172185543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539193677310667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265283733800965,0.16105970527974867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700455818685105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arcticosmic,2019/03/08,how do I kill myself? I’ve been struggling with depression for years now and I think there’s nothing more I can do to stay alive. What’s the less painful and less messy way I can do it?,-0.238500000000002,1.9622421500000016,0.8049999999999997,103.54000000000002,90.0,4.2,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.6996500000000001,146,4,36,1,5,45,30,40,0.35600000000000004,0.5870000000000001,0.057,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,5,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,6,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31032862642271397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986221179986627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34572064698869004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833880182198239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38403528150635297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766671448291918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23086774826978665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28599191700201604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320234539415368
suicidewatch,SeinMuffinTea,2019/03/08,"I'm done. I can't take this anymore. I don't know what the fuck to do with my life. What college major to study.. If I'm studying the right major, if I should drop out, if I wanna live abroad or if I'll regret my decisions.
My mind is so messed up and I've been going through these thoughts every single day for 4 months.
I need someone to counsel me through this but I've tried talking to everyone but no one could help me. The problem is I can't even help myself in the first place because I don't know what I want.
I'm 18 btw ",0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,84.51724137931033,4.55632183908046,20.873563218390807,5.46131890053228,-0.2341643678160916,412,13,98,2,12,136,73,116,0.14,0.7959999999999999,0.064,-0.6532,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,0,22,22,9,0,11,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,3,0,14,0,12,17,3,10,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,5,3,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191949298077908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473326474321745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646848174730348,0.0,0.0,0.1425412279762627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618275520852615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459832769537416,0.0,0.18622098914854127,0.2111964707744894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880016258695276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043317400440353,0.0,0.0,0.12561218040187275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962934460308979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429363718849581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611472839348964,0.0,0.0,0.1951669171094684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316971889885506,0.0,0.17641805108408898,0.0,0.0,0.1638853834272161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977056632946287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309214706014685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114886830731396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875200763361455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872716472827188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618141365703806,0.17764951358006645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754671768075027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005976942469515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036479718892707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pokachipokachi,2019/03/08,"Out with friends, entertaining the thought Cant really mutter a word , cant socialize, just lost the last lil bit of will to live i had. I feel like deadweight , i managed to burn yet another group of friends, the last in fact. Theres no hope for me, id rather die than keep living alone",6.4270114942528735,5.377209517241379,6.3948275862068975,83.64959770114946,65.89655172413794,10.491954022988507,33.12643678160919,9.725611199111238,2.662016091954023,224,8,50,4,3,71,47,58,0.124,0.625,0.251,0.8106,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,4,5,9,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,26,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977216494304554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275601587528325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252746455612302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402684490743007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170572524738507,0.1653891518363838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577245596441407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299393891948468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577468674265226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774193595652836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113102971527812,0.0,0.4088510926514488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527180093871245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830976492716322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359929524027969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379125936075985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marselle_music,2019/03/08,I can’t do this anymore I no longer want to live. There is no point. ,-2.1225000000000023,-0.3896982499999986,0.06750000000000256,108.8275,94.0,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.7923999999999998,52,1,15,0,2,17,14,16,0.28,0.637,0.083,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5721204423089038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5094049531102136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453480675892287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402650120358238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway458927,2019/03/08,"Help - Suicide Hi reddit. Before anything, i wanted to say that i'm aware you are not professionals. Happens that I have noone to talk too, netheir friends or family. I found a draft my father did as a suicide note. I have no idea what should I do now. He is a man ""from the old days"", so talking directly with him about this would be shameful for him. Same for seeking professional help (which probably is the best solution, altho shameful again). The ""reason"" for him to be like this is due to a mental degenerative sickness, that is been taking a lot of liberty and messing his daily life.

What should I do?",3.6160344827586215,5.6748561206896575,4.701241379310347,82.01789655172416,74.0,7.398620689655173,27.97931034482759,8.238735603445708,2.01452,474,19,89,8,10,155,83,116,0.135,0.705,0.16,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,2,8,0,16,2,0,1,0,13,21,5,2,4,2,1,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,12,3,12,13,3,6,0,0,0,0,15,0,0,2,7,67,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565764472152186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129653682478155,0.0,0.21125817525376311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982568432025432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977333417573225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072158404256015,0.15552847784378576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780141870306206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698622702827666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272499148486067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218834602386474,0.0983479189621683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711431201794617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286905024150495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123673153820213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170418621839539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069760443710783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600865715108692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403920727091985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135702179389832,0.3236041950407946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873546514656155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430019713460084,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turntechDummy,2019/03/08,"i haven't felt anything for three weeks its been id say about three weeks since the last time i felt actual raw emotion 
a person i care about has been having a super rough time lately and i the feeling in my gut telling me i feel bad but my brain doesnt feel a single thing
i went out with friends and i was hoping id be feeling happy but all I felt was the adrelanine rush of being active
some people asked me to hang out and i feel so drawn out i just can't do it. 
i either usually feel the extreme of any emotion but after a period of being extremely upset and loads of crying it all just left 
i dont know whats happening and i want my emotions back",1.2964811783960748,3.072445489361705,3.2017021276595763,91.42615384615387,79.92198581560285,5.756901254773594,20.066012002182216,6.67199483983844,0.1998244408074199,518,13,113,5,13,174,86,141,0.073,0.746,0.181,0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,8,0,14,2,2,0,2,30,30,9,0,2,6,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,10,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,8,11,18,5,14,19,5,18,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,10,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.13152923657271065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165739030395076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091532214103356,0.0,0.12600436209163055,0.0,0.0,0.10364017867282266,0.11253857832317753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046294250588627,0.0,0.0,0.13742074367886345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805332703602805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579652381599682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548398307515583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089034725104775,0.0,0.3882398414097248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413338455431366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918858881138207,0.14347952385041698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387041059205154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407347731682602,0.1098665278865714,0.15204163948204666,0.0,0.1464426485569882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344189622924327,0.11768773843903665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718523542593167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149428988037346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780670488914552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954415700810107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718666557418426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484449643625103,0.0,0.07949879034218442,0.0,0.21623035995817394,0.0,0.0,0.12494563899902128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mylastwords-,2019/03/08,I can’t do this anymore I’ve made too many impulsive decisions these past 24hrs. A lot of them has ruined relationships with friends and families. I can’t live with mental illness anymore. I think this is the last night I will be alive :( ,2.6243478260869537,5.269528391304352,3.3893043478260867,87.1491739130435,80.30434782608697,7.1582608695652175,26.591304347826085,8.238735603445708,1.9712834782608697,190,8,37,4,5,60,37,46,0.18,0.7020000000000001,0.118,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,0,7,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323763592559924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25303076311113304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737101766828991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878798805042865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370087959358033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819051205649954,0.0,0.253973726311478,0.0,0.2721231410536403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27049169377350285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188231582293397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562253902131612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881692743640007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198472880365742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marsupialqueen,2019/03/08,"The way things have been lately. I wrote this today and felt like it needed to be shared. I needed to get my feelings out. I don't feel like I could ever actually go through with it.

​

""I am non-functional and empty. I serve no purpose. Paperweight fits the description well. I take up space and pollute the atmosphere with excess carbon dioxide. I am at my lowest low. I am every cliché you’ve heard describing someone you hate and despise. I feel everything and then nothing at all. I am out of tears to cry – dried up like an abandoned well. For what? Nothing. Shouldn’t I just snap out of it and make use of my life? It’s easier said than done. Can’t I just make myself happy? How? Loneliness is the ant colony slowly eating at a discarded sucker at the playground while a child swings high into the cloudless sky. Life begins to have no meaning after so long. I am someone that once had things to do each day, tasks to look forward to, people to see, etc. I am not missed. My absence goes without notice. People begin to forget I even existed. I become just a memory and not a good one. I think about death more often. I think about ways in which I could solve my problem painlessly and successfully. I search more and more for the ideal opportunity. I question myself. I think of all that has been said about those that take their own lives – they’re selfish, they aren’t able to see that it can get better, they’re going to burn in Hell. I’ve weighed all this in my mind for years. I am just biology. I am not my body. I am not in here.""",1.6638915501053866,4.116238478827364,3.037008047518686,89.37112425752062,82.77850162866449,5.696455259628283,20.75579612952673,7.048011613610866,0.5864440314236452,1211,36,242,16,34,393,175,307,0.172,0.7090000000000001,0.119,-0.9553,2,0,0,0,0,1,46.0,0,1,2,4,15,21,4,0,12,0,26,5,1,4,4,54,56,13,1,7,9,0,4,3,0,1,2,3,0,1,16,16,2,1,9,0,0,3,11,9,2,1,9,10,38,12,41,43,9,35,1,3,3,0,10,20,1,2,15,172,54,2,0.1120314443222447,0.0,0.10932652892838014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138602311690908,0.13613046730417605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372992839036084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990827083642704,0.0,0.12444167896076773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889598441943946,0.0,0.12306128099663513,0.0722510134577018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464706402832946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146361362223926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249446745941764,0.07399571238112704,0.10133885531070223,0.09439132371806418,0.0,0.10068663832760226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993939325276552,0.08003528620875264,0.10756775542591004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706361146205801,0.0,0.1273401031479584,0.09396666020162472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925955569727174,0.0,0.11060785732665916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183673718795656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637634894173058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582622445764511,0.16419871430704278,0.0,0.09892581784775,0.09914430280122973,0.0940781973904325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956371804704108,0.0,0.0,0.12203508601024098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311982219065675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613979283933578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499438466391185,0.12754854190028894,0.0,0.119309831892386,0.075915406069321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553369948373681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719896203934524,0.0,0.0,0.125500857241426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313511698612408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854911272967214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984775843691956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846740729010762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885742708773064,0.21535567767071825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619270972453647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967591976247556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785069173699786,0.0,0.0,0.20145944576255584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799431447523028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613046730417605,0.07214457704834171
suicidewatch,LexonBee,2019/03/08,Life is too boring I am currently 13 and find life boring so many years of school on to a whole life of work  I haven’t really thought of my future but I hope my life ends before that. Of course there are some fun parts in life but too many boring moments and the one feeling I hate most is being bored followed by stress. I can’t imagine living my life everyday for so many years. The only solution for me is for my life to end (I never thought of death as a bad thing) Btw I know punctuation is messed up but I don’t care about that right now Idk,0.86281609195402,2.934442293103448,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,82.9655172413793,5.59080459770115,18.287356321839077,6.816661863887847,-0.06916436781609159,430,10,98,5,12,140,74,116,0.199,0.645,0.156,-0.6094,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,1,1,4,0,10,7,0,0,1,15,18,8,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,2,1,13,3,16,15,4,15,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,10,63,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146791216249374,0.0,0.0,0.11359967462538575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611335431758648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364848472721447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750220981384328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201766345656392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180478021158792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325967982835137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336875928369471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6600708397419977,0.0,0.0,0.11788399119030382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060477397387495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029643430682746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046385721124182,0.1015336661079496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445687725088618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552427686436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140092815656496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351103253393002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292515504115833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869225448521499,0.0,0.0,0.2119700554921521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904930416093798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719045183066703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194077077601522
suicidewatch,Spiralhalo,2019/03/08,"Hello So hi thank you for reading

I feel like shit and my voices constantly tell me to die

I really cant deal with it anymore. How do I make it stop? I was doing so good. I dont feel like I'm depressed but in my head there is a powerful voice that constantly comes and tells me to die and hurt myself in various ways. 

It also tells me I'm worthless and that nobody really loves me, but I know it's lying.

",0.372070707070705,2.2872345909090903,3.107424242424244,90.19919191919195,83.77272727272728,6.638383838383841,18.868686868686872,7.793537801064563,0.6199580808080807,316,8,71,6,9,111,57,88,0.254,0.586,0.16,-0.899,1,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,9,1,0,1,0,6,3,2,2,0,14,15,10,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,14,5,6,14,1,7,0,3,0,1,8,2,1,0,5,45,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373945322571748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658542711745716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440599586106025,0.0,0.3614477989734999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241411290175496,0.14404107431984084,0.0,0.3471314253326737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600064268369255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912021138575994,0.238948443845708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027054997962368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163351863481086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790307808244763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190913981474384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340720501204434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509380175134234,0.0,0.11163206685456446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728236270922947,0.0,0.21427274487462705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166648601976672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981770897554888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385178056833807,0.15396945816638444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274503047504216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fearandfluoride,2019/03/08,"I'm so scared my boyfriend is in the other room on his pc laughing with his friends. he wouldn't have even noticed if I'd have killed myself yet. i could be dead and the only other person in the house wouldn't know.

I'm 22 and the only reason I'm alive is my family. i have no job, no money and no friends. everything is so fucking worthless. i lost my entire teenage-hood to depression and everything is so godawful that I never want to be apart from my mum.

what kind of life is this? how do I kill myself without ruining their lives?",2.6431531531531545,4.154255477477477,3.996576576576576,88.37612612612612,75.30630630630631,7.095495495495496,24.94594594594595,7.793537801064563,1.2470432432432426,422,14,89,6,9,139,71,111,0.265,0.631,0.104,-0.9688,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,3,1,4,0,14,2,0,2,1,15,21,9,3,5,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,7,8,0,0,1,0,14,4,9,15,0,7,0,4,0,1,8,5,1,1,2,61,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942616422994598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119430531615522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236125618633244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364014726954734,0.0,0.17643086456862622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891873500584838,0.17301961145068448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159490333290972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572012942681165,0.0,0.4141133619231319,0.19489068769869589,0.10285420332082526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219145318563638,0.0,0.0,0.16525922090728992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429922820904256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443436631630908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307453525168898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28467605121671163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341447730343234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242409694698506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737245414482984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038748337196416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040847840207505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bollieocp,2019/03/08,"I'm scaring myself It's been 6-8 months since I last felt suicidal. This is the worst time yet. Pills I've kept (dunno whether it was a conscious decision) are lined up ready to overdose. I know I should get help but I can't. I can't face showing myself to anyone. Even to myself it is scary. I just want it to stop, it all to be over. I can't do this anymore. I can't live this way, any way.",-1.5636206896551703,0.3935401379310335,0.9363505747126446,101.26245689655177,95.89655172413794,3.8195402298850576,16.445402298850574,5.46131890053228,-0.8442942528735631,300,8,75,2,12,101,58,87,0.17600000000000002,0.762,0.062,-0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,12,2,1,0,1,13,18,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,11,0,7,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725311410844075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730814829702506,0.1925369542101449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818715870587972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643871890157323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386336801366578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845668914592012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132974280000586,0.22445379924978706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24314645962714826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197884004662416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275681735680722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22777926489261216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302119025464068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301197332246715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056366282893902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241348362704158,0.4371332679265171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guitar-genin,2019/03/08,I have been having a dark thought but it never leaves I came out of a extreme depression where I wasn’t working or anything I would wake up and be crazy and go back to sleep. I’m working now. But some days when I have a awful day I feel like slicing my throat on someone who pisses me off and just going that way. I wouldn’t post this stupid ass edgy shit if I wasn’t serious. I don’t wanna be this way. I wanna be able to be happy one day,1.2874484536082489,2.5506460309278367,3.1284407216494863,94.22915592783508,78.38144329896906,5.674742268041237,21.403350515463927,5.985473137389443,0.024052577319587886,343,9,81,2,8,115,67,97,0.292,0.632,0.076,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,3,0,3,1,13,6,6,0,1,18,19,8,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,5,1,12,2,9,8,1,18,0,1,0,1,1,5,3,3,8,57,17,2,0.20791824816872548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710990024599892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987629881421686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378030858517017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022702082639554,0.0,0.17907968248212974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051297135184614,0.14853683803576784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236329463824392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133284139972306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015540378561765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015783536988601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035937074113962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408907859256848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912820783336815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134250938796855,0.0,0.0,0.20806840424097095,0.0,0.17616845695314334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506386435227688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300716551969889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30273392192243265,0.0,0.0,0.1476991580330928,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KrazyAlonzo25,2019/03/08,Suicide today Ive never been so low and so down. Im ready to die but my poor dog. She is the only reason Im allive and the thought of leaving her and her wondering about out me makes me really fucking sad. Prollyy the only thing I have felt in a long time. My only thought is to call the police shortly before I kill myself to let them know there will be a body and a dog alone.  My only wiah is that she goes somewhere decent. I love you Maia girl ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Im so sorry baby,1.2213495575221245,1.5652670973451348,4.4337942477876116,88.4326382743363,77.14159292035399,6.7119469026548675,22.089601769911503,6.6274283507984215,0.4290008849557521,374,9,90,3,8,139,70,113,0.234,0.7,0.066,-0.9623,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,1,0,5,5,2,0,7,0,9,3,1,2,1,14,17,8,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,1,16,1,8,10,0,9,0,2,0,2,9,5,1,1,4,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922934341863526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308222947816211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077162826307424,0.0,0.0,0.15698678308387298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955891877358774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761550065937382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213110685535044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982000903859493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009167342426207,0.0,0.08449205058399363,0.0,0.0,0.16278955457438002,0.0,0.15721062162781144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605597548801202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387572839490994,0.0,0.10262333276628663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857456181360998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677079310881968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984904419473954,0.15807138656366485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210049850724102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816773597233914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021387103385108,0.0,0.0,0.24410641294454974,0.08964763218835978,0.0,0.14572852199337774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166725591192983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InternalxHaemorrhage,2019/03/08,I feel like I'm a huge disappointment to everyone around me I can't tell them that I'm planning to kill myself soon. I've already chosen a date. If I don't get better till September I'll kill myself. ,1.4705813953488374,3.3254062325581444,3.9699418604651164,85.7470058139535,79.69767441860466,7.090697674418602,22.377906976744185,8.07648339933343,1.1949581395348845,160,5,34,3,4,56,31,43,0.329,0.5660000000000001,0.105,-0.9063,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,1,2,2,5,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,4,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382565999489425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287114014275315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27109536321754496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29289659590766154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498762700166094,0.21898064095314992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014601736657855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6782462675629466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975202982701066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679152836275185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rouxjangles,2019/03/08,"Please let me die Now there is so much i am feeling, they want to end this. They are so strong. They turn my thoughts towards killing myself. Please do something let me be naive for once",0.2387387387387357,2.6028329189189168,-0.1093243243243247,106.82988738738743,98.18918918918921,2.466666666666667,19.68018018018018,3.1291,-1.007717117117117,146,5,33,0,6,41,31,37,0.207,0.557,0.237,-0.1268,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,3,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,11,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,1,3,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534179919182237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626904323021431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234636256890073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701465430606939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993766609520354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794987686980315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26004137375970443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360677692185445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797998966709967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384988773503933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26559531453865765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402238503785014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badplacebadtime,2019/03/08,i think i want to kill myself today i'm in new york city. i know heartbreak is not enough of a reason to want to die but i have been looking up the closest bridges to jump and i'm so scared of my brain right now. maybe everything would be better if i was gone,0.0942105263157913,2.0252674561403547,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,84.96491228070175,4.5017543859649125,18.271929824561404,5.46131890053228,-0.6204596491228074,203,5,49,1,6,66,45,57,0.21,0.69,0.101,-0.823,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,10,14,4,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,1,7,1,8,9,1,9,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723605013865555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868218109166769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26665552699821604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654801106056166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309144993411805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28425791026645475,0.0,0.1412034654584551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157587164510293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581233817291675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481471551000919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26416955699783845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941907984637515,0.0,0.0,0.257234405619556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463206808637654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435421105225473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030910685631251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182517583303333,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YunaTunaa,2019/03/08,"i push everyone i care about away I just argued with my closest friends about how I care about them and they shouldn’t be sad. But something, I don’t know. Something in me snapped. I started insulting them, calling them names, spilling their secrets. They all hate me. I’ve been terrible to them. But I feel nothing. Nothing at all.  No remorse, only a bit of relief that I can finally kill myself without people caring. Should I make a note? I’m scared I’ll fuck it up like everything else and wake up frothing at the mouth at a hospital. Why am I such a fucking screw up? God I feel like I’m just faking it. No one could do shit like what I did and not feel bad. I screamed, I shouted, and I spilt blood. One of my friends was a cutter, and I ripped into her like it was my job. I told her sister everything, who broke down crying, screaming on how she hated me. I deserve it. Why did i say those things? I just can’t bring myself to care anymore. I’ll probably do it tonight. Hopefully I won’t fuck it up. x",0.1739130434782581,2.5243509323671525,1.8792270531400987,95.24463768115945,90.40096618357487,4.8057971014492775,22.642512077294693,6.42735559955562,0.5208280193236723,781,31,169,9,27,254,120,207,0.239,0.581,0.18,-0.9494,1,0,2,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,7,0,10,30,10,1,6,0,16,8,4,3,2,29,36,9,1,4,7,1,3,4,2,3,0,4,0,0,11,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,18,0,2,6,7,39,12,21,25,3,18,0,2,0,4,21,13,5,1,7,113,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630502856712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018347787293234,0.0,0.09791950861504783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803364125271474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975062076661293,0.0,0.4782776500306093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363433647308964,0.0,0.1288207941507743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979679961879002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206103894940864,0.21079794724529427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789289546661372,0.08378109707616277,0.0,0.1284687443868916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121234509819964,0.3252558197924334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156905087840546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116480277417621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637708281004518,0.0,0.1297471231632608,0.0,0.06445112963345193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291780550769956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828179903104188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505655024929785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589367966744283,0.08919272372018149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130353785481739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644200398572222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326157962965732,0.1174124726255238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038083444672032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056764743486653,0.0,0.0,0.08300766397498965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791212563928525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206103894940864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164442231501612,0.0,0.0,0.11304866357476012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kay-Ber,2019/03/08,"This morning I took all my medications in a failed attempt to kill myself. Now I don't know what to do. I have one more days worth of pills that I saved incase I failed. But now I don't know what to do, who do I talk to. They're going to put me in a mental hospital I'm sure. ",0.6447619047619035,1.5438334761904748,3.1843174603174624,94.67457142857144,79.3174603174603,6.309841269841268,18.949206349206353,6.742157984588678,-0.1852641269841273,211,4,55,2,5,74,41,63,0.181,0.703,0.116,-0.7203,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,6,11,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,10,2,8,10,2,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,37,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990312801737715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497377886927524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600875980142985,0.0,0.35774284459186323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278797571534601,0.32800018306518497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205488952482124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271902124982519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067544049824047,0.0,0.0,0.2616028297260861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616124248286919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sniikkeri,2019/03/08,"Cries for help I guess they need to see the tears, but can't give them those. I can't cry. I can't express myself to them.

When all feels better, something is still missing. I don't feel complete, not whole. I don't see point anywhere at all.  Hope  and trust are poison. I don't wanna cause pain to others, by being here or by going.",-0.2486825396825374,1.9825701,1.2661904761904772,99.83769841269842,90.85714285714286,3.111111111111111,14.920634920634921,3.1291,-1.3575555555555554,257,5,58,0,9,82,50,70,0.136,0.602,0.262,0.9008,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,3,6,1,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,2,13,19,4,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,0,4,10,3,8,18,3,5,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,3,2,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643557523728367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281650515256881,0.0,0.0,0.232874943668334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879481782661509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22460792618058667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130652546471755,0.12622851567945453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446758799784335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887362745545174,0.0,0.0,0.22060234741039447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468951199948553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363374873402964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099628882322485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539810149134696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098880503043026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737492182114356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797451223131814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vqpirlivcn,2019/03/08,"Why? Throw away because... well, fucking obvious

I'm 40 and alone. I lost everything that I value last year. My only dog (seizures and strokes), my marriage (she found someone else). 

I'm American, white, male, hetero, and have no excuses. I have a great job, nice friends, nice apartment, and women I meet want to be with me. I'm good at my profession and paid well. 

I don't really get why I'm wasting resources by existing. 

I resist the idea of quitting it all because I figure this is my one go around but I'm not sure where to invest myself. I considered taking on a significant other with children just for the chance to be a father and try and makes someone else's life better.  I spent some time in a youth organization before my divorce, just for a chance to contribute, but am not sure I care to go back. 

I consider walking out into the wilderness and staying lost forever. 

I'm asking why other people go on. I'm not exactly on the brink or anything. I get dangerous once a month or so but never too far. But, I'm really trying hard to find a reason, some beacon to move towards. God is a joke, regardless of the tradition. People are overall fine. Short of giving up all my belongs and living in the street though, I'm not entirely sure what the point is. 

What get's you out of bed tomorrow, when no one is depending on you?",3.154459039059798,4.952979380228137,4.820561700656762,81.79391202903562,74.5893536121673,7.975734531628068,27.54389906671276,8.710501217029153,2.2165376425855516,1039,41,199,21,22,351,155,263,0.109,0.7490000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.7328,1,1,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,2,0,4,11,18,2,0,15,0,11,3,0,3,8,46,38,18,0,2,12,1,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,7,15,0,0,5,1,3,6,8,4,2,2,5,3,23,14,30,31,4,37,0,2,1,1,14,21,1,5,9,124,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037442446482577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095643570811417,0.10346521439163199,0.10865502525371824,0.0,0.10919755456353618,0.08937013008173783,0.0,0.14169980519573847,0.0,0.09889922361924662,0.0,0.0,0.1027918887325599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849950372316058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941827543607892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445586212456176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622787629879367,0.0,0.0,0.12743511166339855,0.08979542724303544,0.10744847538107184,0.18216886562790047,0.1114939588819963,0.1981606568401663,0.09748432031656844,0.0,0.1281388731599414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411509637462447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120428797142886,0.0,0.0,0.11533573903657784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473918334170646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209341116948146,0.0,0.0,0.1026291249891823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25374742676321554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775813323925212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276997599394132,0.12352916748172932,0.0,0.0,0.08964016511049523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377621854556653,0.15751462798283206,0.08839462597411404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115206530962034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987053551305924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361998014911275,0.0,0.0,0.14891388748032144,0.11949903060224047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695474602519897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388077281756747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286230878317454,0.0,0.08738700864717276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419082916463262,0.0,0.06777194389941353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578187846610994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855273046808154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900111911368932,0.0,0.3146259375720277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484532325607005
suicidewatch,Burner1993_,2019/03/08,"I'm lost and feel completely alone, I can't go through this again Short version, cause life is hard and complicated.

I have a beautiful daughter that's 3.5yrs old.  
I'm 25 and I've know my wife for 13 years and been together for 5.

I've recently caught my wife emotionally cheating and hiding multiple conversations from me.  
I lost my mind as she has had multiple partners in the past that have cheated on her.

Because of this fight, it's come down to we shouldn't be together anymore, her choice.  
I've tried fighting tooth and nail to keep her, to show her that our relationship can be saved, despite being the one that was cheated on. But she just wont believe in us.

I can't financially support myself completely. Despite being very well educated.  
My family is hours away as we moved to be closer to her family.

I've resorted to cutting already to try and release the extreme and intense feeling of overwhelming depression I am feeling, but nothing is helping me feel like life is worth living anymore.  
I've caught myself searching online for the fastest ways to kill myself and realized that I may be in an extremely dangerous and threatening situation but I just don't know how to help myself anymore. I don't want to call suicide help-line because I'm scared that if I recover from this that it'll follow and haunt me.  
I'm scared, not of losing my life. But of losing my wife, and my daughter who I'd never see again as the closest place I can move to is over 6 hours away and I have no personal transportation.

Just 3 days ago, life was happy. Life was good. How can something so good go to such harm in so short of time.  
I don't want to live in a world were something that is so pure, so lasting and real, be torn, raped and spat back out tainted and broken. What faith can I have in anything then. How can I believe that things can get better when 13 years of love and admiration can be so easily thrown aside.

I know other lives are harder.  
I know people have real struggles and what I am going through is minor compared to some.  
But to me, I've never felt more hallowed and devoid of desire.

I just want the pain to stop. I need it to stop.  
It feels like my heart is bleeding and rotting me from the inside.  
I feel like walking out the door and just disappearing.  
Right now, I shouldn't be in control.",3.9797968115035935,5.504080533916849,4.8913447952485125,83.25027133479216,71.88840262582058,7.848677711784934,28.8120662707096,8.418075326091056,2.067344657705533,1832,72,357,30,35,596,223,457,0.188,0.6829999999999999,0.129,-0.9772,1,1,2,0,3,3,47.0,4,0,0,6,20,33,9,4,11,0,49,12,3,5,3,74,82,40,2,8,12,5,8,3,1,5,7,0,1,2,21,26,0,4,12,1,1,12,12,20,1,1,11,9,49,13,50,57,3,57,1,6,1,2,27,22,0,3,25,234,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024252790960456,0.0,0.0,0.08206996807088672,0.08744461629508142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235757883457192,0.0,0.0,0.06520874211923859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889940045473754,0.060931578737827626,0.0,0.0966093797728876,0.0,0.0,0.17855535643028758,0.0,0.07008238721583608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091410790642514,0.0,0.0,0.08140252329970764,0.0,0.06825926297112148,0.16616574625360994,0.0,0.08887572515330452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110400780793721,0.0,0.06825031511509294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913566570878616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940307077498485,0.0,0.2404003394291401,0.16982975167747988,0.07608396270297581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041400247746591484,0.0,0.1351037718525546,0.13292749006049331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435371317099254,0.07098453573632289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390118381352924,0.15934108462211208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560732073783345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043320468319446,0.08766862883025085,0.0,0.17419552815566178,0.0645921406186055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27985195623835496,0.11613971868938372,0.0,0.2099142500191083,0.0,0.0,0.17730123014121346,0.1730022245598523,0.0,0.0715182617651414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001100607188179,0.0,0.0,0.16844167481791195,0.0,0.05875633340036857,0.12223137134312205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603405258086389,0.0,0.08315029213496906,0.0,0.05369587662297005,0.0,0.08431820601432846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564467584431975,0.054935859146652236,0.06919034483539957,0.08279017098549908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038762953395795,0.0,0.0,0.07824110884083174,0.08507537574407792,0.0,0.0676715376233352,0.0,0.0,0.1586684965599871,0.0,0.06314496374766608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907041017255456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200746864961215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249835494926088,0.0,0.08284008995379312,0.0,0.08667699323181369,0.08992195582690599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264432118045203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620617125818169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759912394768953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531738687302596,0.0,0.0,0.06538227508042167,0.1402155090427422,0.06289796297802462,0.0,0.0,0.07124734032457293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205744811973344
suicidewatch,alycature,2019/03/08,anybody else feel like this? do you ever feel like everyone around you is just waiting for you to end your life? like when you’ve been down for so long and neither they nor yourself can take it any longer,4.128455284552846,5.410266073170731,3.554634146341467,93.91943089430895,71.1951219512195,6.442276422764228,25.861788617886177,6.42735559955562,0.6722617886178863,163,5,35,1,3,48,34,41,0.0,0.825,0.175,0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,8,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,5,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028613200551176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621884261566562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24603665614565026,0.0,0.2608604699951353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26641343719177685,0.0,0.2814298993565127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978399399515945,0.4208154045183806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803071253383887,0.4316680282887509,0.0,0.0,0.26064409753075674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214450759944821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,satanofgamers,2019/03/08,Suicide I'm drunk and thinking of taking 7.5mg of alprazolam will I die.. I tried this yesterday with only 2mg and ended up sleeping till 2 in the afternoon I just have lost the will to live anymore I tried calling the suicide hotlines in India and all they said that a boy and another boy can't marry or live together.. Which made me have another. 5mg of of it ,1.9507428571428558,3.9379463600000015,4.3219047619047615,83.16000000000003,78.73333333333333,7.485714285714287,28.04761904761905,8.418075326091056,2.2273619047619047,287,13,57,6,7,100,52,75,0.18600000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.0,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,1,1,10,11,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,10,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4318601963446588,0.0,0.0,0.2042220589312216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027223528116235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371742162295668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823882430215933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636707261641965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247912348541454,0.0,0.0,0.19485101620308573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661508280620648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588163244888865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607350732162927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504965965979931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482981510065513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194829113034226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27961883152615136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taafomft1,2019/03/08,"It feels really bad today I feel so sad. And the sadness comes from something I can't fix. 

I've tried so hard up to this point, all I do is try. And I'm really, really tired of being brave about it. I used to think it would all work out in the end but I'm nearly 40 and things  just don't improve. ",0.18139303482586647,1.5586340298507473,2.678432835820896,95.74859452736321,81.83582089552239,6.257711442786071,15.644278606965173,7.1686216300943375,-0.3915154228855724,228,3,58,3,6,79,48,67,0.204,0.763,0.033,-0.8563,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,2,14,13,6,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,4,1,9,11,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092338484990068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586281466659105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195012782835516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534136841272991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448120613793568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689043366244866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816069461049658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291796048393844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648218646943452,0.16056923186460687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880186345550741,0.2375319102033841,0.0,0.0,0.3402710304802762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643102526693025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824339568165898,0.0,0.0,0.17801336333468396,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sambo_wa,2019/03/08,"Does anyone else gamble their own life on mundane things? I've decided that tonight is the night I will jump from the suspension bridge. I've been up there about 4 times over the past few weeks but have never plucked up the courage to jump.

​

I'm in heaps of debt. I'm too depressed to do my university work. I'm a burden to my family and friends. I can't keep a job. I'm a hopeless drug and alcohol addict. I'm only 21 and I can't see any future for myself where I will be happy.

​

Nobody that I can see is happy in their shitty job. How is anybody enjoying their life working just to survive? I hate it. I hate how we have to live. I've nearly finished university and all that lies ahead of me is more depression and a worse quality of life working a job that I don't want to do. Honestly how does anyone make it past 30? Existence is fucking misery. ",1.9116332566546177,3.95603330167598,3.6125599737101552,87.91636214262243,79.11173184357541,6.669865264541572,24.495892211633247,7.724431198458867,1.2919980939861984,687,25,142,11,17,229,104,179,0.24,0.633,0.126,-0.9788,4,0,2,0,0,2,24.0,1,0,3,5,8,13,3,0,9,0,17,7,0,4,2,17,30,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,1,0,2,2,4,7,0,0,1,2,16,6,20,26,4,20,0,3,2,1,5,8,1,0,10,87,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817268454658634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565052592994932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254782103726155,0.28572982251488804,0.0799541459129571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442052570233176,0.12046814706303867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253210634100952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205779069580659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634816164707658,0.0,0.09821773733622267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083801798880308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083714685150482,0.10869498856265797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25031877402172503,0.0,0.232159369379678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35002125784434224,0.104504904312744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249137338333279,0.0,0.0,0.10381972873353476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848135589801368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068008351802503,0.0,0.0,0.11033495022098114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942009484249333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447479555804967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738202880199373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781107401305736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855816837689194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934801287538536,0.0,0.09431052800857392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256785155711104,0.0,0.11981764211333105,0.0,0.0,0.28572982251488804,0.0
suicidewatch,krazy_ideas404,2019/03/08,"I can't say no I give up things, opportunities easily, I don't feel alive anymore. I don't even feel myself anymore. I really don't know, why we guys are fucking dumb humans, who don't care for others. ",3.2885714285714265,4.205258333333337,5.603333333333335,79.82500000000002,72.80952380952381,8.457142857142857,23.523809523809533,8.841846274778883,1.513895238095238,158,4,33,3,3,56,29,42,0.204,0.63,0.16699999999999998,-0.3647,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,12,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,3,7,2,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776950153642236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969547166046696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923717202233252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945353846572402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692613095741916,0.0,0.2793991191750861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883890499951079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006658002043508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658593439567134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23161831582350798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934974229952051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628130728897425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stupidestgirlever,2019/03/08,"I’m so done with this life. I hate my life, everything is about money. I don’t have money, because I’m a student and my family doesn’t support me. I tried working before (I’m 24) and I got bullied and they let me do all the hard work because I was ‘the weak one’ and hated it. My boyfriend is abusive at times, he pays the bills but if I want something for my hair (shampoo) or something to eat (I can’t eat everything), I need to pay. 

I work as a student but it doesn’t pay enough for me to live properly. I hate my life and I hate everything. I had this great guy in my life who loved me and would never hurt me, and I rejected him and lost him completely because I’m scared that my boyfriend would suicide if I leave him. He only has me in his life, nobody else. I do love my boyfriend tho. But it’s all not worth it, i just wanna end everything, maybe I will be happy if I can finally find peace in my life. ",1.5472884615384608,2.848526097435901,3.3836378205128206,92.51084134615385,77.76923076923076,6.7211538461538485,24.49519230769231,7.413659706084162,0.9019807692307692,699,24,164,9,16,235,103,195,0.211,0.635,0.154,-0.7794,0,1,2,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,1,4,4,14,4,1,5,0,19,12,1,0,3,27,34,18,1,8,9,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,1,0,7,0,6,9,0,1,5,2,38,5,13,24,3,8,0,3,0,2,11,4,0,4,4,107,46,8,0.0,0.12216691309475725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856226401722245,0.0,0.08773788356980065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081074784158282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551596762946623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101182034317306,0.08613406288689279,0.0,0.0913236770457654,0.10653881844536514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706696952263805,0.0,0.09720167732050997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129505077025078,0.09423945609980457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824654222847442,0.11367767230767704,0.0,0.10209379368709963,0.0,0.10976109615287122,0.09236511541024536,0.4071938585487193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103799634171495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917719345520316,0.0,0.10543560055525562,0.4369722160063973,0.0,0.0,0.09104684434973716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125552930081592,0.0,0.18611920000195845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358651742239276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645377206898987,0.07952376249101084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986910303615716,0.07841878953237402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322976578428278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875618267891034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127841493956955,0.1170064964391553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012349445773235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000401846950546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081616482002351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251930185962826,0.0,0.0,0.14649088119092574,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notwhoyoudontthink,2019/03/08,"Has anyone of you called the suicide hotline? How did it go? For how long did you talk? Was it helpful? 

I ask because I keep imagining the workers to be unskilled and ignorant.",1.0870588235294107,3.713403,2.6796470588235297,87.96241176470592,92.52941176470587,5.072941176470589,30.329411764705892,6.742157984588678,2.0475482352941183,138,8,25,2,5,45,28,34,0.192,0.737,0.071,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,8,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26494185447892626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542285943812058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309792975583495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869082660653117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534261230360194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25397459256179983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336791565803496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353223789277011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144647457259156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045525537921908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LargeCare,2019/03/08,"I hate it when people says "" don't do that "". They don't clearly tell me why I shouldn't do this.

* "" It'll be so bad ""
* "" are you a loser? ""
* "" you're coward ""
* "" get some job ""
* "" f\*ck it dude ""

No solutions. No empathy. Just a useless piece of words that annoys me.

I'm telling you how I feel. I'm sharing my true feeling with you and all you say is "" don't be a cry baby, you make your family sad "". Thanks idiot, like I don't know their life will ruin after my suicide.

I won't f\*cking suicide but I don't know how to deal with these kind of people. They're everywhere. First they say "" Why you don't talk with people "" and when I do, they just don't like it. And not only for suicide, this thing goes on for any topic. I'm seriously tired.",-0.96584639016897,1.130453238709677,1.4485714285714302,97.82333333333334,94.03225806451613,4.242703533026114,15.76804915514593,5.916634753146586,-0.6714854070660521,552,13,130,5,21,186,89,155,0.257,0.6509999999999999,0.092,-0.9777,1,0,0,0,0,3,43.0,0,7,4,2,7,15,3,0,3,0,18,2,0,3,3,23,29,9,3,1,4,0,2,2,0,4,2,3,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,12,9,0,1,0,5,22,6,10,23,3,5,0,4,0,0,19,1,0,1,6,80,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320034198191108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671122023653558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669854914055118,0.0,0.15645537645305255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306351760038,0.0,0.15346636010740144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290848995001132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928705938146316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498291679606628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059595762884606,0.0,0.0,0.1580321413597528,0.16680396780959358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719084971715363,0.1482821524585317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012993469619008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541845969872022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156287435519697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36205109859726203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979944046308249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197697493659712,0.26528558563592125,0.13971796817712248,0.0,0.0,0.1008209768472936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442298603759368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738751795949181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Saretnoc,2019/03/08,"It'll be embarrassing if I kill myself. That's one of the main reasons I haven't done it yet,the other one is becasue I would make my already unstable family sad,and now it'll be even worse.Some friends wanted me to be the vice president of my class,and I just rolled with it,I didn't mind because I thought it would be motivation enough for not killing myself,I got elected,but I just realized how stresfull it'll be speacially in my last year of school when I have to get ready for the test I have to take to go to college,I'm panicking and I don't now what to do.Imagine how pathetic it'd be if the vice president killed himself.I don't know what to do.I don't want to keep going,I hate this world,I've been losing hope for the last 2 years and tbh I'm probably not wrong about life not worth living.I really don't know what to do,I'm so tired,all I want is to be relaxed,every night I think about all of this and I start feeling that pain in your chest and I end up sleeping next to nothing,please,give advice on how to deal with this.",4.5535096153846135,4.164027633928574,5.51125,86.23951923076923,69.53571428571428,9.213736263736264,28.83791208791209,8.841846274778883,1.8607614010989006,826,26,190,13,13,273,124,224,0.162,0.7509999999999999,0.087,-0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,2,12,10,4,1,5,0,25,4,2,6,1,34,43,11,3,8,7,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,15,6,0,1,8,0,1,1,9,8,0,2,5,1,19,2,27,25,3,16,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,11,111,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653208662614555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541837260875415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517159077080894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404446716717595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298135729695086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374983228325614,0.14436739015297406,0.0,0.09228328243795234,0.0,0.11771953949845375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317149249261646,0.0,0.07064627809831105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794678752972303,0.0,0.07299756953563148,0.0,0.07940570018404386,0.0,0.11174629085281876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794388632896296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877279443615625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418893693461412,0.4637361255638804,0.0,0.15357215078967582,0.22777976137353606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868787626699026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631016214210694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932637202268877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410766673450374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859306467576852,0.13111710177420124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935483244226012,0.0,0.14867119019009709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064104083728627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950776373364885,0.14365471452699632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140339470658336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398202074135602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889404236329677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505152817819093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952648825894409,0.0,0.11092152042215044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723019615659725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850516935842166,0.15276112520516066,0.0,0.17994930154403976
suicidewatch,Toralight,2019/03/08,"Do I admit to my doctor that I am suicidal? My depression from several years ago has returned, and it’s even worse this time. I feel absolutely worthless and I honestly don’t see myself going anywhere in life. I have severe chronic pain that makes doing anything really tough. It makes me tired all the time. 

I don’t know if I would actually hurt myself, but that’s because I’m worried about the people around me, not because I’m worried about myself. Even then, I have very, very few friends that want to hang out with me, but because of university and I don’t even live in the same city as them anymore.  I’m lonely where I am. 

Anyway, when I see my doctor, I was going to discuss increasing my current anti depressants or possibly going on a new one. The issue is that I’m expecting her to ask me if I’m suicidal. I guess that the answer is yes, but I don’t know if I should admit it. I don’t want to be hospitalized, and I’m worried that the news would get to my family somehow. 

Would it make any difference to my treatment if I did admit it? Thanks guys. ",3.1420410396716814,4.64074075813954,5.039097127222983,81.46056087551302,73.97674418604652,8.035567715458276,27.065663474692197,8.671277953709913,2.0553556771545827,833,31,164,16,17,286,114,215,0.188,0.7090000000000001,0.103,-0.9513,1,2,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,7,1,21,6,0,3,1,38,47,15,2,11,9,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,13,7,0,0,7,0,0,5,6,7,0,1,2,3,32,3,18,40,4,20,0,5,2,0,9,6,0,7,9,116,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.11125772996429573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106336400776288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077530999535846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306770747296352,0.0,0.0,0.09382086660898548,0.10149345110971787,0.1065843584073732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084990931800559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639402639374606,0.0,0.0,0.11911662970529795,0.0,0.2333890049108398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259084341370145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747888334144994,0.0,0.057647097217664575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808417262125089,0.0,0.05956574218698126,0.0,0.19438425808262375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255953383283007,0.11288824682932197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205051948051178,0.0,0.0,0.11899726432249373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125314297437984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052893585492439,0.0,0.0,0.10067329527869932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22830853478163626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101119802606815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725641554140501,0.0,0.12131513202192773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790404744140502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852962538421678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303799855540817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170309772165186,0.0,0.0,0.2575986601077977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24941780368036595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496548284489736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296079296235386,0.13103821353510522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814108383490666,0.13449260679756764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34734936661980953,0.11618636468442835,0.2429692073860465,0.0,0.0,0.07341897662269131
suicidewatch,gracelongdong,2019/03/08,"I don't know how the fuck I can go on The title says it all really doesn't it? I just don't know how I can continue going on the way I have.

Ever since I was really young I was being mentally abused and just couldn't understand that what was happening was wrong. 

I remember we were in class, we were like 10 and on mother's day all the other children were saying the stuff that their mothers did and how lovely they were and how kind and I said then that I hated my mother. I got yelled at by my teacher that I was horrible for saying that and that everyone should love their mother but I fucking don't. 

My father always worked shift work so he never saw what was going on, she was drinking all day every day, driving me drunk to school and going to work like that and everything. I noticed before anyone else. I was told when I pointed it out to him in front of her, that I wasn't allowed call her an alcoholic or abusive. She used to give me cider and tell me it was cidona so I would pass out asleep, nearly daily.

I started self harming when I was 12 intentionally, before that I had a habit of just pulling my hair out. I was so confused about everything going on in my life about how I was always the bad horrible child for disliking my parents for keeping me in a horrible situation and no one believed me. I got to secondary school and told two, at the time, close friends that I was self harming and heavily suicidal. They said nothing until we had a falling out when they made up shit. One child rang the school  told them I self harmed, they by law had to ring the health services who ruined my fucking life. And it wasn't that the friend was concerned for me, he then told everyone I self harmed, people from school yelled at me in the street ""CHOPPING BOARDS FOR WRISTS"".

The health services ruined my fucking life. Anything I told them they just said straight to my parents who just punished me for telling anybody. I was forced to go to a councillor who just did the same thing, putting me in danger again and again till I just shut up. All of this while suffering from panic attacks since I was a 4 year old (doctors now thinking it's related to aspergers).

I've always just tried to get on to the next day and the next day but fast forward 4 years and here I am. Cuts all over my body, pulling my hair out, crying myself to sleep every fucking night. I've started throwing up what I'm eating again and have started to stop eating when I can. I'm having back up to 5 full blown panic attacks a day. I'm starting to end up taking it out on my friends in school and my boyfriend who just don't fucking deserve this shit.

My family still hate me. My parents are split up but I'm still subject to my parents blatant mental abuse. I don't know what to fucking do since I can't tell anyone or I'll be in more danger.

Everyone says ""oh there are starving kids in africa"" yeah there are and that's disgusting but I'm allowed feel the way I feel and it's still shit. 

My boyfriend complimented me on glasses I didn't own and said I should get a style like that but I had already gotten new glasses. He complimented me and yet I fucking ruined within my own head leading to a spiral of more shit and cutting and I just can't fucking deal with this anymore.

I don't want advice and I don't want to hear it gets better but I just want someone to see this so at least someone knows. I just can't keep up acting like it's okay anymore because I can't let it affect the people I care about ",4.082148454318435,4.951787611814347,4.7899359912741435,86.56537070524412,70.91279887482419,7.435586555297222,28.012313786274003,7.523968598718282,1.4746504262464477,2756,96,569,29,49,887,279,711,0.227,0.711,0.062,-0.9992,6,0,2,0,2,0,51.0,3,0,9,5,41,51,23,3,26,2,59,33,11,12,8,98,124,51,1,7,20,9,4,4,3,3,7,13,0,8,39,36,5,3,9,2,0,17,18,36,0,3,43,19,95,15,78,74,12,105,0,4,2,11,66,44,13,3,48,388,134,13,0.0,0.17280703432483047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047507268435115935,0.0,0.05195602066170473,0.0,0.0,0.05364927647831415,0.0,0.12135792441840265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964285769852744,0.06798726998851765,0.0498131264597648,0.04000705798688372,0.0,0.0,0.1106160792633886,0.0,0.037382920212433404,0.04059256504716187,0.029636034472059494,0.0,0.08273775101923883,0.05477390198321018,0.0,0.042997150965989696,0.0,0.05400172991907045,0.0,0.0,0.0496426598913685,0.0,0.049567539947008285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340270330144161,0.1881208810925159,0.050121252354710766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049760825019254336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476254482773756,0.0,0.09949318779601306,0.04061266558670529,0.0,0.04305959607267446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397621070768089,0.08192262934243208,0.1393648235314172,0.08738635953538504,0.0,0.04583110424813624,0.0,0.0491637062099307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268245740487196,0.4045047266463713,0.07620000287264754,0.04663716798042005,0.16577852168558205,0.0,0.07776576433215937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299121791206267,0.0,0.0,0.09599702749372928,0.0498943314746176,0.10335366944681187,0.05479408351654487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642477104710981,0.0,0.0506263767779452,0.10687294938516093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971344254255117,0.10301735390476917,0.09500583938454688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775618582941469,0.04600190183893425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798755584627096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037495874036327,0.04695390842742202,0.10340793560825062,0.04562308761513173,0.0,0.04664863408985977,0.05534995966618346,0.0510146101727759,0.0,0.06588730222041586,0.0,0.0,0.11408146471639613,0.21593051274041367,0.0,0.0,0.06740881762204602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595810097876672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04887279165504943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228967071110584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055072770708940184,0.0,0.1849808700730045,0.1546464761133884,0.0,0.24601136611779745,0.0387408826505676,0.0,0.20286954117495945,0.0,0.19961566073296952,0.12064767340562922,0.054646738288141,0.04865139243376635,0.0,0.08238483651513254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764341945645395,0.0,0.11647507762143057,0.04064538892598775,0.0,0.0,0.05565401193117619,0.05317832213375609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03655339394574778,0.0,0.12747832083336968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03229849774276045,0.03115135068152135,0.0,0.0,0.02834854519195776,0.0,0.0,0.2322747058856954,0.0,0.033007264449616464,0.0,0.04749104362024195,0.05061126445714875,0.0,0.04198885856374,0.0,0.0,0.08602542877879557,0.07717868403341865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061796976733957,0.0,0.0,0.03453561210227187,0.053154272822650714,0.0,0.06261458375402303
suicidewatch,Chicken-n00dle-soup,2019/03/08,"I have suicidal thoughts all the time So I’m 13 and I have existential crisis’s panic attacks and suicidal thoughts during most of my day. About 2 years ago 2 days before Christmas my mum saw that my dad has been texting another woman(their engaged now) and my mum and dad had a huge argument and my dad left but I had been having more suicidal thoughts before that. Since I was 4 my mum noticed there was something different about me to my siblings and she thought I was autistic so she kept pushing to try and get a diagnosis for me but it was hard since my dad was in the army so we moved around a lot, so when I went to school I was always neglected because everyone thought I was just naughty which is also the reason my dad abused me. So we moved to Northern Ireland and that’s where I got my autism diagnosis when I was 11, I got bullied at every school until then. Being abused and neglected for most of my life means that I have just wasted all my life and I want to go back to do something else and the thought that I can’t go back and do something with my life just makes me really sad and depressed and my mum won’t even get me a therapist so I don’t even no what I can do",2.45512925170068,4.198572363265306,3.697959183673469,89.3296598639456,76.38775510204081,6.9523809523809526,26.768707482993197,7.793537801064563,1.457380952380952,939,37,201,14,21,306,121,245,0.229,0.752,0.019,-0.9958,1,0,3,0,2,0,8.0,2,0,0,0,23,7,1,1,8,0,26,3,0,2,2,41,45,27,3,1,5,9,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,18,0,3,8,0,0,6,4,6,0,0,23,2,39,1,17,20,6,24,0,4,1,0,13,6,0,3,12,141,47,2,0.0,0.2419278966486717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904996120241315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164403063509501,0.0849498618817913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705379951549164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088474382976304,0.0,0.1161459463858284,0.0,0.15700699846359684,0.0,0.062235170398407764,0.0,0.1737478756787777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168355459667686,0.0,0.08793286947743909,0.0,0.0,0.10666584157166553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528590981040618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486341526495846,0.0,0.08601806698225156,0.09755458959035104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667914354082213,0.0,0.11604402916124873,0.0,0.1633067878544018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914556058135819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092474458952946,0.0,0.2163346982303212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867961317823833,0.0,0.0,0.06814811685188225,0.0,0.0,0.11120960898872136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701818931308126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623397774818894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978457176209822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540362669677012,0.10496898738430507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066478807037536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890538036613806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578939081703776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350207271437693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185382707354688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863043882483611,0.059531464718459326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931469624736315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021731442839672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946415762765212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574478264004724
suicidewatch,tindoor44,2019/03/08,I don’t know why I’m alive I feel like I don’t have a purpose anymore. I’m a 16 yr old female in high school. I’m failing like four classes and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get held back and idk what I’m gonna do with my life. I lost my virginity a few days ago and it was really disappointing and made me hate myself. I feel like I was just brought on this earth to have sex and make children and die. I feel like a sex object. I’m not passionate about anything and I’m feel like a failure in life. I’m dating a guy that’s way too old for me and he’s like the only person I have as a support system right now and I feel like I can’t even talk to him. My mom hates me and my friends don’t really care about me. This world is scary and I’m tired of being alive just getting out of bed is hard for me and I’m overwhelmed.,-1.0555555555555571,0.7289960370370387,1.6554497354497355,99.22380952380956,88.62962962962963,4.658201058201058,16.936507936507937,5.916634753146586,-0.6836920634920634,637,15,165,5,21,220,100,189,0.173,0.632,0.194,0.2787,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,8,18,2,1,8,0,13,7,0,2,1,27,43,13,1,0,3,1,6,7,1,2,3,0,1,3,5,14,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,6,6,21,12,14,34,1,17,0,4,0,4,8,7,0,0,14,82,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805083721438254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088515531133705,0.0,0.0,0.1003075969695716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372823403919847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242780916659184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786109354686669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650574497601402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050921215598186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081639513240975,0.4354021084462633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417427067172716,0.0,0.12736817888043028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069328684363975,0.0,0.0,0.1091922335917982,0.24068830922970685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878670328780475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698923435828963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219333681470428,0.4168555217747906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306066680643108,0.0,0.0,0.11533815435782405,0.0813645596454712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427596709130253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558125098050582,0.0,0.0,0.092705159805985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643231257618957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240090566300264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617562248904618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409600157323157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336227757896127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832279247631388,0.11488276026455785,0.0,0.0,0.09797301907914167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009813366649448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675303211753472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998952142280777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XxBrokenFireflyxX,2019/03/08,Loose ends... what are yours? Everyone has loose ends they want to tie up. I want to write a couple letters to each my kids for them to open on special days. Other then that I want to make sure I get important documents pulled together so their dad can’t talk shit when I go. ,1.2355952380952395,3.4985608928571463,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,82.92857142857143,6.590476190476192,20.047619047619047,7.793537801064563,0.6544619047619058,214,6,48,4,6,68,45,56,0.13699999999999998,0.684,0.179,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,3,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,1,8,9,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,8,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,1,0,5,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135661812314735,0.0,0.18276341837065507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019997095185647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707917526358879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805983178454132,0.0,0.16105734323448326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189165349151156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908962601918665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670921781127497,0.0,0.0,0.2277785370221723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014531509454905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Valuim1293,2019/03/08,Feeling so hopeless I mean I just want so to be close to someone is that to much to ask for?,-2.005714285714284,-0.14806204761904596,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,98.04761904761904,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.6545999999999994,71,3,18,0,3,24,16,21,0.149,0.7240000000000001,0.127,-0.3597,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720339892434106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25530377697591433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500081726604857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711758289568333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278188433972868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978161273334155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodguybf,2019/03/08,"I cannot stop hurting myself and others. I want to say goodbye. I just can't stop abusing alcohol and sex.   I try and try, but it is like when life emerges from it's reveries; I forget everything I lost before and do it again  and fucking again.   I just lost my girlfriend cuz she saw I talked to others girls for fun.   Its so fucking common and bland and stupid.  I just can't take it anymore.   I just need to ruin everything.   The only fucking good thing in my life, and I still gotta sext other girls to feel better about myself when I'm alone.   I can't stop.   I can't stop.",0.7203684550743361,2.9052397310924434,2.3581512605042043,94.45981254040079,84.46218487394958,4.669941822883,20.07821590174532,5.873414542411696,-0.07775423400129268,444,13,96,3,13,145,69,119,0.159,0.626,0.21600000000000005,0.5204,0,1,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,11,12,4,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,0,22,19,13,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,9,8,1,4,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,3,18,4,8,15,0,11,0,4,1,4,6,1,3,0,11,63,27,0,0.0,0.17951304270507112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619167308600123,0.0,0.15691732763940838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025592557020856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892275036778428,0.0,0.0,0.13399713896562768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723325127198637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766073544999325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42020207425340544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707831500610733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219320423786074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403016055594706,0.07401950115617505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33077930199944744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123417863537172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522919878712365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048580478449235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099504898527146,0.5066722520788025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391569204406138,0.12177695950119315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065565259988997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057289332881116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936376074287529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gandhiissquidward,2019/03/08,Just found out I don't matter to the people I considered my closest friends for the past 6 years So that's great. I seriously cried for the first time in a while. I don't enjoy my existence. Really considered the rope last night. I hate myself. I feel entirely worthless and it's pretty obvious my presence isn't wanted so my absence won't be noticed.,1.9195714285714305,4.5051923142857175,4.005357142857147,81.93089285714288,83.0,7.5,25.892857142857146,8.472884824447931,2.3172857142857137,282,12,52,7,8,96,51,70,0.208,0.645,0.147,-0.35700000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,11,3,5,6,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051684342751313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047239483887786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631061501200284,0.0,0.3046115068537871,0.21464037692632854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306293726511536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742863260120511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645756745629386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26071201181927883,0.0,0.0,0.3162959828676857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652073320169576,0.19260301500038807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826393076101444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797639545626265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619970641069404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638633988251252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789047492516026
suicidewatch,Ap423506,2019/03/08,"Whats the point In living if no one needs you Being alone all the time you really get to think, whats the point in living, when your alone all the time, i might as well die so that way I have no choice but to be alone. I mean I can't being a quiet,reserved and ugly. Fuck",2.332540983606556,2.404765491803281,3.8984836065573782,94.27428278688528,74.40983606557377,6.755737704918031,16.889344262295086,5.985473137389443,-0.6365114754098364,209,1,53,1,4,70,42,61,0.314,0.6629999999999999,0.024,-0.9501,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,2,9,11,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,7,1,5,7,2,8,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,2,3,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6153853449891213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555302636110287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183101511208076,0.10347717661335758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497778411994503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21574332092429688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101083328723164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468575629218022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420928644519006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374457823032557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688108296006356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690762577543813,0.0,0.0,0.2309785281081348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720929168191586,0.0,0.0,0.1780780072410269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,37elephants,2019/03/08,"Don't know how to keep trying March is the shittiest month of all for me and this year is no exception. 4 years ago my mum died on the 6th March, her birthday is the 23rd,and mother's day is also in March. My best friend died last December, at 18 years old. I live with my dad and we're struggling a lot for money. I just want to go and be with my mum and my friend, I don't see myself in this world anymore, but I'm terrified of how it would affect my dad. Any kind words/thoughts/motivation welcome",2.424789719626169,3.4182955327102853,3.742137850467291,92.055636682243,74.98130841121495,7.219158878504674,22.72079439252337,7.6454224807358475,0.6660663551401869,390,10,92,5,8,128,74,107,0.142,0.7140000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,3,1,18,14,8,2,2,3,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,12,5,13,12,3,17,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,1,11,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996098069971908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235141226298105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805749341599774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133681202953546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305222940788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309281945922817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213960486925625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31369852457763137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153783802224291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18044949357351625,0.0,0.2114093897006104,0.11157200279274126,0.16548471869032774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926639516210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259650784287056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204502549799282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303060358724804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617770592895248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223586725868854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783418994384716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974379466674424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421637774913754,0.0,0.0,0.3922059540975025
suicidewatch,RepresentativeVirus3,2019/03/08,"24 Year Old Virgin Considering Suicide!I have no reason to live anymore Hi guys basically the title.Here is my life story if anyone is interested.

1.Be me
2.Enter freshman year of highschool weighing 90lbs and only 5ft tall
3.Get bullied badly and beaten up for most of highschool.
4.Graduate High School at 18 and weighing 126-130lbs at 5.11""ft.
5.Start working out in College(STEM),gained 40lbs+ in two years was finally feeling good about myself
6.Got diagnosed with crohns shortly after and lost all my gains and it took 2 years to figure out what works for me.
7.Graduated college at 22 
8.Started working out again and gained weight reached 165lbs or so.
So here i am this is my life.Why start now and i am fucked up because if the shit i have dealt with.
It is not my fault that i was late bloomer puberty wise,it is not my fault that i was diagnosed with crohns and lost all my gains.
Seriously it is not fair and i feel like i have been cursed by god to die a virgin.
I have been told i am reasonably attractive but people do not know the shit i went through and the shit i went through and i cannot keep going on.

I have nothing to live for.I quit .Fuck life Fuck Everyone",2.883026315789472,5.5067581798245655,3.5378070175438587,86.61881578947369,79.04385964912281,6.43157894736842,25.7280701754386,7.6454224807358475,1.5096280701754383,947,37,180,15,24,298,138,228,0.12,0.741,0.14,0.4346,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,10,6,17,7,0,5,0,21,15,3,2,2,35,36,17,1,2,8,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,17,3,1,6,0,0,4,6,13,0,1,11,3,22,4,27,25,3,29,0,2,0,5,3,14,6,4,12,111,29,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965895465824968,0.07731538917293733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232404727176548,0.06740442848012125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445904767726174,0.11475757893187573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565748137035116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181831773644436,0.07899355374983305,0.0,0.12112759344359113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066695708205253,0.05776996073993155,0.0,0.06284132761324142,0.09274359816704933,0.08843553116174951,0.0,0.0,0.10948490437436348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682671226297685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828258744347017,0.0,0.0,0.06076816788767126,0.0,0.12473144516280275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23430347504933266,0.05402050594882235,0.0,0.19527641568045875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414075341268056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609801804521894,0.0,0.11602802817880445,0.0,0.0,0.08409594122262673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665757088078773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760826486902573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273754392406118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190603485373564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405055644355722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479295191953384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565748137035116,0.12285095215434902,0.0,0.0,0.10801400086657624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464843305708954,0.0,0.20500502588934572,0.09977516190075246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414959344380172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848221975473571
suicidewatch,AdventurousAnita,2019/03/08,"If you're reading this it's too late to stop me I just can't deal with it anymore i can't, i tried everything but nothing worked",-1.801379310344828,-0.01845044827586051,0.5064827586206917,101.7617931034483,105.20689655172414,3.6993103448275866,19.593103448275865,5.6839178017228535,-0.2679986206896552,103,4,25,1,5,34,24,29,0.071,0.929,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,15,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565218931293039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370622990283096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230904293028319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40552539553914974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449446182359976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595917320541167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005534554156682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244073132187648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26171623952096745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RogerDLQ,2019/03/08,"I think I am going to end everything My life is really shitty, I dont trust anyone and I think the friends I have would trade me for anything

Until now I lived because of my parents but my father told me he is not proud of having me as a son and some minutes ago he just said I am useless, I dont see reason to keep going further",2.647500000000001,3.2139898611111133,4.776,86.46900000000002,74.0,6.871111111111111,25.511111111111113,6.742157984588678,0.9679577777777784,258,8,56,2,5,90,51,72,0.165,0.8059999999999999,0.029,-0.8559,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,11,17,5,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,2,2,14,3,7,14,1,7,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,1,4,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498549357628134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380447916336412,0.0,0.18101226060615114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408848001140333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155941362216278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948234941059128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769014870860854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994423294175834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500220917693334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551479122427895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536761970083476,0.0,0.0,0.19423291874946985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424484210887196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091506193140454,0.2261604150288909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923686435394045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528343995591794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28188908115392114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210185760761428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625665901498906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kittysquirrelfriend,2019/03/08,"How do you live with constant suicide thoughts? Here’s the thing, I don’t think I could actually go through with killing myself. I have my cats and they’re enough for me to carry on with a life that’s so miserable at times there doesn’t seem to be a reason to go on. They’re keeping me alive and I owe it to them to take care of their needs.
But I feel like dying everyday. EVERYDAY. Sometimes I’m casually watching tv or eating and I think “I really want to kill myself”. it’s there, at all times, every day. 

I don’t know how to live like that anymore. It’s agonizing. 

How do people do it? How do you get up everyday? ",1.0332307692307694,3.041146323076924,3.1053846153846187,90.6096153846154,81.92307692307692,6.461538461538463,22.30769230769231,7.61054688173877,0.8674615384615381,482,16,108,8,13,163,79,130,0.16399999999999998,0.732,0.104,-0.9205,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,2,2,0,8,7,2,1,3,0,10,2,0,5,1,24,26,10,4,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,7,2,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,17,4,18,23,2,14,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,2,9,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.17123342310592618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740191050055424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890337509018894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962074970438014,0.0,0.1400985291141582,0.0,0.0,0.1131636436142538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211017276759672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795496318176978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181307431925358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784105587338353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872291203378503,0.1253558140107531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167584075097614,0.0,0.19944730683776699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596581198355394,0.3882631478291197,0.0,0.0964337314868207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393966109088722,0.1714515723126754,0.0,0.3098864765883233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301087929930788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216488148929299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241058498552664,0.1804124002467712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974131176155165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354433191587654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193571683269467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193161401366374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657448125729407,0.22486820130675453,0.0,0.13930359197936887,0.2046359540602579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349676131167436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UsualSnark,2019/03/08,"... theres no one left to tell me they love me, and none of the rest have time for me.

the cuttings getting worse
the manic and depressions swings are so much more dramatic
I don’t know how much longer I’ll last",1.7324999999999982,3.558884522727276,2.3772727272727288,97.61090909090912,78.77272727272728,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.12442727272727305,165,4,39,2,4,51,37,44,0.171,0.7440000000000001,0.085,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,3,6,5,3,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291345338833586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672840319029895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590044268741995,0.2757294096412557,0.0,0.0,0.3675236289855992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052954725793846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973243028799248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292156943496089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295656682847042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724381636504199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447187921995299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,klanksucks,2019/03/08,"Most days, it seems inevitable. Over 10 years ago, i told myself that suicide would be plan B if life sucked. I dont know how to change that foundational belief, and often i dont want to change it. In the deepest parts of my mind, i have always known that i would take my own life. Maybe it's related to my ego. I am not a good person.

Today, death looks inviting. Today, i wish i had my plans carried far enough that i could make that choice. Today, i wont kill myself, but not for lack of wanting, of wishing, of longing. ",1.6155140186915915,3.524684803738321,2.8091682242990683,93.98010747663551,79.46728971962617,5.0276635514018695,20.04579439252336,5.6839178017228535,-0.20147401869158926,402,10,88,2,10,129,74,107,0.11,0.7859999999999999,0.105,0.1275,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,2,0,10,2,0,2,0,22,21,4,3,9,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,1,16,1,10,14,5,10,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,4,7,58,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303693725030108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487865076787405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175296533873507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982673323364305,0.0,0.0,0.09678923698094613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35178547639137675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550728434906974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588005215854303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166041374358272,0.0,0.08248008805417398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201200041871124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281614969673458,0.1260294701235384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100179620029007,0.0,0.15077561435719053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153809965120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252210345152635,0.0,0.0,0.13104413861698627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662726990692764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416325056616954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284154385816185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42677510758493065,0.14340794975286475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704224143759026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451693749102337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322516828346752,0.0,0.0,0.0966466521457177
suicidewatch,witchyboydraws,2019/03/08,I can't do this anymore. I'm only 13. I know I'm too young to be on the site but that's not important now. I'm 13 and I have been suicidal for so long and I don't know what to do anymore. Everything is wrong. I have major anxiety. I am always crying. I'm also trans. I'm so dysphoric constantly. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm so sad and numb. I have been hospitalized three times. I have been in therapy for three years. I have tried numerous antidepressants. Nothing is working. I feel hopeless. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I will never be a real man. I'm a pathetic freak. I don't know what the point of this post was. I'm sorry. I just... I don't know what to do. I can't do this anymore. ,-1.7884313725490202,-0.03909101960783978,1.6592156862745109,93.25980392156865,106.25490196078432,5.142483660130719,18.73856209150327,6.775458762138228,0.508871895424837,546,20,124,11,27,195,76,153,0.301,0.6779999999999999,0.021,-0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,25,1,0,1,1,16,41,8,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,4,2,17,2,9,34,1,12,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,78,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916711825072578,0.11358738104051885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442989169406452,0.0,0.6769069409587182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751897686245738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994999059760114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268652128642192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804726780045465,0.097522878985852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531759389022586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300089635256539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669196427199142,0.0,0.0,0.12080718770720922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112158565743073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528504385740133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619703427251998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382212104329944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904621645742864,0.0,0.13073898954632993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553784374512305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281193753596253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931994844795934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611125438269607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960016669933234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268143161095203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051722377998531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938101558835014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925242014412474,0.0,0.08790806143455104
suicidewatch,fatterfly,2019/03/08,"What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I talk to people? Why do I keep everyone I love in the dark about my current state?

More importantly why can't I just kill myself? I've been thinking about it constantly for years and I just can't seem to do it. Am I a failure even at something so dumb? Can't work, can't eat, can't even die? lol

At this point I'm just ruining my life for no good reason. The worst part is that I know I'll be around to deal with the consequences because I can't kill myself which just fucking sucks.


No need to reply. Just needed to put this meltdown into words and get it out of my head.  ",0.3750770811921882,2.2428220935251844,2.2893371017471758,96.33303956834536,83.46043165467627,5.410277492291882,18.56166495375129,6.5431188927421005,-0.19868386433710228,497,12,119,5,14,165,83,139,0.202,0.665,0.133,-0.8654,1,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,6,0,5,1,16,6,1,1,0,21,28,3,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,4,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,1,0,15,2,18,25,3,12,0,1,0,3,3,7,4,1,3,77,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076293565852193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895425705082868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873553390495662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143678474144526,0.0,0.0,0.1524482713461216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030478844458595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403846399141314,0.0,0.0,0.14035936048508793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27159423880723577,0.07674378226264246,0.0,0.0,0.12320407375777062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507511640345082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056227482871108,0.3250232802177912,0.0,0.08072671307265754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037525076023202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325736488897837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21783363638930672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392067459590288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906718242927712,0.0,0.10183479187292978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885820321871847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766467480103992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102703011612673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372282542221325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308283305180099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806434087248473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941209599907262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301802668415881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693741852712298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060077897824626,0.0,0.09459212206558099
suicidewatch,goldenberryrae,2019/03/08,"I don't care how bad I fucked up. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to have no one who cares if I live or die. I deserve some love and support. I don't deserve for everyone to be against me. I know I fucked up, but that's all it took? I know I never had any real friends, but I cant do this. I haven't talked to anyone in months. No one gives a fuck about me and no one cares if I die or live to be great, which I can't do without support, which I'll never get. Fuck this world and fuck everyone.",-0.07556521739130417,1.1065910521739148,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130436,81.95652173913044,5.295652173913044,21.065217391304348,5.6839178017228535,-0.2754173913043481,381,11,102,2,10,130,57,115,0.24,0.537,0.223,-0.2991,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,1,0,13,6,0,1,3,18,29,10,2,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,6,0,3,2,0,17,8,11,25,2,8,0,0,0,6,5,4,5,5,3,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442316852674925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086805390715675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365627181869333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797237046854421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576867705984007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372526103922873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591447284650298,0.5738523770504853,0.06486087785760344,0.1190916355104906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368708056482234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645419399664474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924542761833696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120461227510132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909172010907437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149726097246195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523725256247634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130471003265846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28175758895481245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978341654391401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793017167252028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196717913108946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatdidididdlydoo,2019/03/08,"Headache is making me more suicidal I don't have headaches often but today I do. I have been depressed more than ever lately, thinking way too much of suicide. I have nothing going for me. I am 21 going to be 22 in a few months. I wish death on myself every other day. Wish I'd die in my sleep. If I did kill myself, my parents wouldnt be able to handle it. Dad might, but mom won't. They are the only ones that have been here more or less. I dont have siblings.

It's been more than a year since I have felt this way. And so much of it is to be blamed on me to be fair. I mess everything up. No friends, turned away everyone. Still do. I tried talking about my feelings on the kindvoice subreddit but I guess they couldnt give much of a shit to even listen to everything I had to say. Not the first person to do so. I have sought advice from internet strangers for a while now. People have told me to go see a shrink or something, or take meds. IDK. First of all, I am broke, second of all, idk i just wanna end it. I used to be such a happy guy. too careless.

I hate everything about myself and the ones that tried caring. even things I liked at times. IDK why I keep deliberating. I am not even afraid of dying. I always lacked motivation, maybe that's why. My head hurts :( I don't even know how to cry anymore.",-0.05609918419922622,2.1802257043795663,1.8076857020180341,96.45602404465436,89.40145985401459,4.537398024903392,17.18291112065264,6.068283710208149,-0.44154280807213375,1009,25,229,9,34,331,154,274,0.243,0.662,0.096,-0.9942,1,0,1,0,0,2,40.0,0,0,2,3,18,13,3,1,10,0,34,3,3,4,3,33,55,13,6,7,10,3,2,1,1,3,0,2,0,2,10,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,9,9,0,5,7,5,36,4,33,39,12,26,0,3,1,0,13,8,1,7,14,169,46,1,0.1021210727531444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979153038949198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497291327918848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127666342029286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594610947172864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411923968455304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217520318317646,0.06585964366021613,0.0,0.0879567303228095,0.0,0.2119711013593348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196851367086217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044895931901957,0.0,0.0,0.2698000217067063,0.092374356846971,0.08604140824027626,0.09758106131805902,0.2753395061572278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051635482778903584,0.0,0.0980522445657755,0.0,0.0,0.17372826463050084,0.0,0.0,0.07889848748680553,0.0,0.0,0.09796383835779199,0.1741132770799712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124978748691324,0.10111591747779976,0.0,0.10870978087935396,0.0,0.10082341715273582,0.1048056825749287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932272050050533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076990164285692,0.11298183650565488,0.0,0.05612307088835206,0.0,0.115197018146384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989119781255568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816660904584966,0.0,0.102594343585636,0.0,0.11343349028084165,0.0,0.0,0.108334320131777,0.0,0.11960296616911648,0.08151206597969525,0.0,0.2252122160243711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798792352720488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138399763623333,0.07766767758054642,0.0,0.0,0.11339336607819955,0.0,0.0,0.07079789360482219,0.08916818173464558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121077589303093,0.0,0.0,0.0813772733243956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482581366185448,0.08447560667144872,0.0,0.10219482337057777,0.0,0.0,0.07861779098957905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815540206158285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22340775734225676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678233758604988,0.0820810500014935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784470303599244,0.0654350599520251,0.0,0.0,0.059547618758271324,0.0,0.09679883626636128,0.09758106131805902,0.0,0.13866700999223058,0.11107840235117432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819981854158393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211790841354662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429676848588375,0.0,0.2348683876749921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576262268213626
suicidewatch,spritedem0n,2019/03/08,"Hopeless I just want to die. I sort of have a plan too. I’m drowning in debt, can’t go back to school because of it, and everything in my life is just garbage. I’m not even sure what to do about it at this point. I just don’t think that I’m supposed to be alive. Everyone I used to be close to is too busy for me. They are all going on to have real jobs and real lives and I’m still here wasting away. It seems like my only option is to eventually kill myself. ",0.06264705882352928,1.7626695784313782,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,83.6078431372549,5.2564705882352944,19.023529411764702,6.2581,-0.27720705882352936,355,9,88,3,10,120,68,102,0.175,0.765,0.06,-0.924,2,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,1,1,10,4,1,0,1,0,11,1,0,1,2,18,21,3,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,17,19,1,11,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,3,3,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198949242026484,0.1653134750580873,0.0,0.1310554610949831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231249156796328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199838258051514,0.0,0.0,0.2054314568249722,0.19321848969232208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24436670859402365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334367311641075,0.0,0.2378537695185131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185327656329045,0.1050328958399983,0.0,0.18983946066337207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350902457986566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032343470412864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894097036950108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758061492046926,0.0,0.1957181533336728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716907055400401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262483891093716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775644076630025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856816985791745,0.0,0.0,0.12680623926623036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pheebscecilx,2019/03/08,"Want to die I’m never really one to open up but I feel comfortable here. Ever since I was 10 years old ive wanted to die I attempted suicide by suffocation at 11 but it unfortunately failed. I was just put into child mental health services and have recently been discharged because I’m 17 which sucks because I have nobody anymore I have my mum but she has bipolar and bpd and I don’t want to stress her out.  I was given medication as I was diagnosed with depression but it made me feel sick so I asked for it to be changed and they took me off it and said if I got out and enjoyed things and groups it will help. No that won’t help I have severe anxiety and suicidal thoughts and it’s been almost 8 years doesn’t look like it helped one bit. I’m just a wreck my depression has gotten worse the past few months I’ve stopped going out, I cry myself to sleep every night hoping I don’t wake up, life just sucks. I have 0 confidence I was picked at growing up because I was very thin, because my nose is to “pointy” because I have a big forehead and because I missed so much of school due to my mental health. I have nothing to live for I’m really ugly I can never take photos of my face, I have a horrible body I’m really thin and get called anorexic a lot, I cut everyone off because I feel like I’m to ugly and skinny to be seen outside, my mum isn’t  really a mum figure she was more like a auntie so I never had that mother bond. I’ve just had a shit life I’ve obviously not mentioned everything because it’s to much but I just really want to kill myself. I’m desperate to do it but I’m scared. I just don’t want to be here anymore I give up I feel like my time is done ",1.7362894164552358,3.3749209634831487,3.8375860819137375,88.00302827111273,78.12921348314606,7.065458499456326,23.000724900326205,7.941651935203635,1.0892324392895985,1317,41,288,22,31,451,170,356,0.276,0.616,0.108,-0.9976,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,1,2,12,18,5,2,8,0,37,16,8,2,5,54,72,23,5,7,14,4,6,4,0,2,8,1,0,1,13,18,1,1,6,0,0,4,11,11,0,2,20,10,45,7,34,47,6,34,0,4,2,0,18,16,3,4,18,179,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514969800866776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505110586563377,0.0,0.16866260938577854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949571283646648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146895920007413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283557335778338,0.0944540816037074,0.10709788726229802,0.0,0.08682966000221656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995515131384786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340632796490543,0.0,0.0,0.1464800591595495,0.08630815604497873,0.1765046253611036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701974476550804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691850985200109,0.07164517441104921,0.08125404151712871,0.07642346223885797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719838503415642,0.12149722693987287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044426979779611735,0.08157277325726517,0.04832702593941112,0.0,0.06800980136388654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077524447090546,0.0,0.0,0.170990357060141,0.0,0.0,0.08445837541708774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407799741170647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012466473329067,0.16617410811663086,0.0,0.07508695920641434,0.0,0.07140750436392845,0.0,0.0,0.07229323115382674,0.0,0.08046163329826947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856632417082282,0.17138940937488453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787367040078872,0.0,0.1250201798302037,0.0,0.19675138285406216,0.0,0.0,0.07979905175391319,0.0,0.08159282855620316,0.0,0.08922932949485111,0.0,0.11524306035939705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117498486340734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548308837707863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723761650428683,0.0,0.08396124056267794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088721520211033,0.0,0.08513429836796453,0.0860593824885007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606470131724043,0.08728661996803687,0.07034135885542203,0.0,0.08509584041029294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109259070372677,0.09740665176218187,0.0,0.0,0.18602772858934732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393530836546127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649309653679273,0.0,0.0,0.06750783863445296,0.04958425970650195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094476380066063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016230991472884,0.2507775486095065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665734841846498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951876934957397
suicidewatch,Tazzled-,2019/03/08,"I'm drained. I'm tired of living like this. All my life I've tried to spread love. I'm not going to act like I'm perfect and wasn't an ass sometimes cause I was, multiple times.  But I'm tired of loving people and caring about them and doing a lot for them when I'm stuggling sometimes. I try to be a good friend, sister and daughter but no one tried to do the same for me. Life is already hard but when the people closest to you make it harder and make you feel lonely when you're already struggling makes me wonder if it's worth living at all. Nothing is going right. I have tried to fight it but everything is just crashing and falling.

I was once this cheerful girl with a lot of energy and now my spirit is broken and I don't want to do this anymore. I'm just done. ",1.514130879345604,3.336499717791412,2.9817423312883453,93.03968916155422,79.42944785276073,5.0828629856850736,21.296114519427405,5.6839178017228535,0.02270421267893674,606,17,131,3,15,198,90,163,0.157,0.6709999999999999,0.173,0.2094,0,2,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,2,2,1,7,12,1,1,6,0,14,7,1,4,3,30,32,16,0,2,8,2,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,2,0,1,4,4,3,0,1,4,2,13,9,15,27,5,12,1,1,0,3,11,3,1,4,7,81,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29929494522370603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448730141996185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826201513929426,0.13930739698052652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877468973575385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187627404916687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856778750335707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477087524282523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413899566507994,0.11374206767094555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147867779098465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156874250660227,0.13250303341007744,0.0,0.2394897731578176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057918063083085,0.2447841290224365,0.0,0.2715593994091528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012011811873006,0.0,0.0,0.14441874324142753,0.09189190331843594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802787010501573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580901148810525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26824076443046924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417675623470143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907447068581018,0.31172429538191504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682773768412532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799854713312638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706175223527804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hazelequinox,2019/03/08,"Intense flashbacks are making it difficult to live in the present I have struggled with suicide a lot in the past. Now it's more of an idealist thing for me. Something about my personality makes it enjoyable for people to bully me. I grew up in a bad home. My Dad was very abusive and my mother was very submissive to the whole thing. I'm certain the reason I'm so easy to hate is because I've adopted some shit qualities from my Dad. 

I don't really know what to do. I was bullied my entire life and I constantly racked my brain in school for how I could be a better person so I could stop making the entire school hate me. I mean even nice people who didn't get involved with bullies would avoid me. I'm talking straight A students who kept their heads down obeyed the rules and didn't mingle with the popular students. 

Now I'm an adult and my bosses seem to take pleasure in finding reasons to fire me. I'm usually depressed and doing my job is just an every day struggle. I can't seem to find even the smallest reasons to look forward to going to work. It would be one thing if I was just shit at my job and my boss said they couldn't keep me anymore. But they usually seem to be THRILLED to get rid of me. 

I feel like a useless human being. I am very self loathing. I know it's all my fault I'm like this and people can't stand me. But I don't know how to be better. I often think that I'm a burden to my family. I want to say I'm strong and I will just keep getting back up and trying again. But I mean this has been a trend my entire life. I've tried changing everything about myself. But something at the very core of my personality must have stayed the same. 

I have been trying to deal with my depression for the sake of my husband but I've been having intense flashbacks to when I was being bullied intensely to the point that I'm talking to myself and I stop everything that I'm doing. When I have these flashbacks I think very hard about killing myself because I'm reliving the pain all over again. It's becoming such a problem. I've tried counseling but it's never really worked. I had a team of nurses laugh at me while I was being reviewed by a psychologist once and I've been terrified of going back to any mental health professional ever since. The psychologist had political stickers and paraphernalia all over his office which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Let's just say his facial expression clearly showed that he didn't approve when he found out my husband was Canadian not American and didn't seem to have my best interest at heart. I've taken several monitored IQ tests in the past and they all scored between 130 - 145 but he scored me a 90 but then said it must be my depression! 

My husband is really worried and understandably upset when my flashbacks happens. I just don't know how to deal with it. It seems I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I want to get better if not for my sake for my husband's sake because I don't want to leave him behind to feel unbearably alone. I thought my flashbacks weren't a big deal because they used to just happen at home. But one happened on the bus the other day in front of a few people. And now I'm scared that they'll get out of control. 

Sorry for the long ranting post. ",3.5237700534759355,4.9868669242424275,4.636149732620321,84.87334224598933,72.93939393939394,7.5401069518716595,27.18360071301248,8.124751697461798,1.698098039215686,2590,94,521,39,51,849,271,660,0.159,0.757,0.084,-0.9948,3,2,2,0,0,3,41.0,0,0,6,10,30,37,7,5,34,0,59,10,6,15,10,110,119,41,2,15,21,7,5,2,0,6,4,4,2,6,26,24,0,7,24,2,0,5,16,22,0,2,25,10,78,15,74,76,11,57,0,4,1,0,39,24,4,12,29,345,104,14,0.0,0.07307593309849003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387769915643747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194177110266605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061165984371730986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485001998246016,0.051496854499104315,0.15038838303171412,0.0681162576166038,0.0,0.0,0.06472512007597359,0.1636421367754689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885077431386863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524499294131582,0.0,0.0,0.06664980728756552,0.06917483906840846,0.09848647873492022,0.0,0.0,0.07955179009266976,0.19075563494137154,0.15936425462557854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147278629589237,0.05578944128325621,0.05196466050531392,0.0,0.11086076075684644,0.0,0.05814261070364584,0.0,0.09355566305263063,0.044061321660303535,0.0,0.0,0.1127414291600521,0.0,0.0,0.06762451210871814,0.0,0.0,0.1611157304383594,0.0,0.07010374437125251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361955626489064,0.0,0.055249550171723706,0.12178449308260042,0.06329733352137866,0.06555866660886367,0.0,0.07308631538510052,0.0,0.0,0.12373204312554753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240775684566953,0.10964086291567307,0.06823531712646906,0.0,0.13558198941070787,0.0,0.0,0.06530594154102197,0.0,0.06306785280232825,0.08712711599202164,0.06026352217046401,0.0,0.05446100697796508,0.05458128812231056,0.051792277041773804,0.0,0.0,0.052434699819244604,0.0,0.0583592892671193,0.12350755651188533,0.0,0.0,0.13436641344707292,0.0,0.0,0.062154866294795524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756830634679193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568288975109908,0.08358646002885439,0.0,0.0656275751507746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775337458876832,0.17103339338157295,0.16155922083855398,0.0,0.0,0.058303722280397416,0.0,0.05906852557931155,0.0,0.0,0.05901556890477785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853360728793898,0.1902394921570655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733593258026027,0.0980944055882862,0.061748400341211325,0.12483873843769196,0.0,0.28073741036697336,0.06434148243680263,0.0696762849910086,0.12661898336019325,0.0510189955213612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496234201659287,0.0,0.06904119323920957,0.0,0.06573837235350477,0.0,0.10312773667538616,0.0,0.128954219638298,0.0,0.0674634952052631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637264994921097,0.09914560871286857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292431164668728,0.07903893590528545,0.0,0.04896382687213964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749572664851353,0.0,0.0,0.06420685459855427,0.0,0.05326823120263919,0.1358547236832568,0.2544456514314256,0.10913424623198166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885901225439127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980167403386835,0.06263493619601987,0.0,0.08762567181462443,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bladedgrade,2019/03/08,"Broken but want hope Im 17 years old, i know im still young but my dad is a narcissistic prick and cant stand to be around him. he hates that im attending princeton university next fall because he has never amounted to anything in his life and takes out his anger at me, I feel helpless because over the past 5 years he has been killing me inside and has almost pushed me past the edge of suicide when I was 16. I feel that there is no other way to escape him besides ending my life, can I legally go live with my mother w/o his permission or am I fucked for the next year? I want to find other ways out lf this...",4.1945930232558135,4.2884215116279085,5.059990310077519,87.50533430232561,70.31782945736434,7.69031007751938,26.977713178294568,7.1686216300943375,1.1163713178294579,481,14,107,4,8,157,88,129,0.259,0.672,0.069,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,5,0,4,0,11,4,1,0,1,19,21,7,2,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,2,2,18,1,13,18,1,26,0,1,0,1,10,6,2,3,13,62,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019166085895475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342762737083199,0.13352142563720742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286300486107887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284515398605512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167722685926632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708662925242046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386618072536021,0.0,0.0,0.08524183244284772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480824376299816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489722685340618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860394493172354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593988014038893,0.0,0.08242967139109625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188240626034266,0.0,0.0,0.13244245576668953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568025746898755,0.0,0.3190286110922382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738753639265296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28636169198379546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978088535744455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406290436760454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127725684941427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693402284510734,0.23810753235019336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897627281455579
suicidewatch,bruiise,2019/03/08,"Desperate to die My first option for suicide was to hang myself, but that involved a lot of planning. I've become so unstable that i genuinely consider overdosing or bleeding out as a viable option. I guess my question is, if i was to cut my wrists how long would it take for me to die? I'm fully prepared for the pain, just want to know how long it'd last.",5.825273972602742,5.211374232876711,6.8836643835616425,78.21535958904111,66.94520547945207,10.03972602739726,33.31849315068493,9.516144504307137,2.9476328767123285,281,11,56,5,4,95,53,73,0.282,0.667,0.051,-0.9658,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,3,0,5,3,1,2,0,15,10,7,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,8,0,11,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,7,4,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656157191119137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992065033152737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457099802063086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26494022243445603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132173686855525,0.1960413440653325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42567365272070296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446631958698608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559112343687398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694174390869521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630703068511083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808276789472693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185439378170078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084582041125404,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,epicuser420,2019/03/08,"I'm so tired of everything I don't want to wake up, even when I wanna do stuff I just can't move. I feel like shit every day and I can't stop it.

I've been really trying to change and improve but everytime I feel that I'm getting better something shitty happens and I end up where I started.

I'm starting to doubt if I can get better because I just feel that I'm going downhill.",2.4540160642570292,3.2419883975903656,4.590542168674698,86.78934738955826,74.66265060240964,6.979116465863456,25.88152610441768,7.1686216300943375,1.1391381526104425,299,10,65,3,6,104,52,83,0.187,0.6759999999999999,0.136,-0.4799,0,0,1,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,0,14,20,7,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,3,10,3,7,19,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,7,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894304186299874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741515041240945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223764301113844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364154543510513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734744367493775,0.0,0.0,0.139709579719745,0.0,0.1782180580668975,0.0,0.1901040948384883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208586071431335,0.1511127582822796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102507606928645,0.0,0.12021394023910928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870499380138955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333992167997748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481649275234208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550766425425154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712630381325074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284147744938193,0.0,0.0,0.2994354931978602,0.0,0.0,0.1768435007984149,0.0,0.0,0.2421443259236022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431156739696442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361088308634973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476231117408125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spooktastic2k1,2019/03/08,"I keep making attempts but none work I've lost  my best friend, which was the last straw on a pile of so many other things that are just wrong in my life. No matter what I do, nothing changes or gets better. That ""it gets better crap"" boils my blood, people only say that so they won't feel guilty. People love to say you can talk to them whenever you need them, but most times they don't mean it.

I feel utterly alone and unwanted. My best friend, a great love, and now they are gone from my life. I don't want to live my life without them, it hurts too much. I've lost a dear soulmate over literally nothing!

​

I have no one left to talk to about this, they were my last person left and now they are gone. I've tried many different ways to die and nothing I do is ever enough, I'm just left here to be alone with my misery, no one to turn to, nowhere to go.",3.5724953959484367,4.035288049723761,3.98310773480663,93.37072053407,71.81767955801105,7.138305709023943,22.818139963167592,6.816661863887847,0.3301930018416206,671,14,158,5,12,210,104,181,0.128,0.575,0.297,0.9925,1,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,8,8,10,15,1,0,4,0,14,8,2,1,1,22,32,9,1,3,6,0,2,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,11,5,1,1,3,0,0,3,8,5,0,2,6,4,24,10,18,24,6,16,0,3,0,2,19,6,1,2,6,98,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198676352689176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611612119502725,0.13022044411656394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493170722018452,0.18956218314651252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336918056415292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122311757976397,0.11196740135828316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073284656565464,0.0,0.0,0.0969392892432908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083743837830082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165594945619205,0.0,0.111981364468661,0.0,0.060905854193257135,0.0,0.0,0.11815272995581445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147252028072921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525554548129436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471190232233752,0.0,0.0,0.3493139476055126,0.0,0.227087075183325,0.0,0.0,0.09463101236509992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339723337032561,0.0,0.1934460051038406,0.0,0.07153524913820954,0.2173023851220435,0.0,0.11673700540928915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878056528348781,0.07946346632539822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084907971880936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523916782783294,0.08150583905345071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859313169223173,0.09357467218735566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704480585885613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227462077315026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119743525929509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249032778783083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275981045479891,0.11656764649567572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321026594809394,0.08506470492267056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103305805610769,0.0,0.07801933711346881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717101916586345,0.13022044411656394,0.0
suicidewatch,grot1666,2019/03/08,"No one Hi everyone, it's hard to write this down but I'm thinking about doing it so I guess this is the place to talk about it.
For the past 4 years I've drowned myself in sorrow, I was such a wonderful person, everyone admired me and had high hopes for. But the person I loved and cared for very deeply passed away, and since then life has disappeared for me.
I've tried, I truly did, to regain my senses, but it didn't work out well for me.
I began gambling, sitting down beside slot machines, talking to random people and forgetting about everything. It was relaxing, as mush so that I didn't realise that I got myself into debt and I'm not far away from loosing my apartment.
Now that I've reached this point in my life there is no other way out of it. I have nothing to give, I have no one to love, I have nothing to offer to this world. I may soon be homeless and alone, I don't drink so there's no escape in that.
Any other escape anyone can think of?
Thank you for your attention ",2.4525094175601296,4.08225615763547,3.657206606780644,90.11076499565344,76.0935960591133,6.35282526803825,22.77861489423356,7.048011613610866,0.6640770211532883,772,22,163,8,17,251,117,203,0.135,0.6679999999999999,0.197,0.9611,1,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,1,12,9,0,0,4,0,17,5,0,0,0,23,31,14,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,16,9,1,0,4,2,2,2,8,1,1,2,8,1,22,8,31,21,0,26,0,1,0,2,12,16,0,5,6,116,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379207883977675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097909369440768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382848494344864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790247013883488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139665340117153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546482423040732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837793699540511,0.13345429691197902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244626955245995,0.0,0.0,0.11876196076767093,0.0,0.16357977470380253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301892973732174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688908333704585,0.0,0.14748524575329225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097674222565825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680381730468871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849625821451257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124293173449287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175163247548322,0.10294508673032957,0.2593135398489778,0.15514167731079148,0.0,0.14037216073859926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122833437728113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387031698565882,0.0,0.13671072719723032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190294303374775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081576331893402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252077392313696,0.0,0.11786538618880213,0.0,0.0,0.13351140298795947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103234940777097,0.1081033468279578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956234507966398
suicidewatch,_VengefulSpirit_,2019/03/08,"After 1 year of going from 100 to absolute zero, I can't take it anymore. I'm not here to complain. It's not like anything can change now.

My life was always good. Let's start with my first years. There is nothing I loved more than my parents. They are the reason I always worked so hard, because they helped me with whatever I needed help with, they always were there to support me, especially my mother, which I never realised how much struggle she had just to make me happy. She is the best mother ever. I would never want to see her cry. I always wanted to make my parents happy and become something, I wanted to offer them what they offered to me. Love and happiness. I wanted to return them everything they gave me.

My dad was the one to teach me my first hobbies in life. My dad taught me how to ride a bycicle, he taught me chess at 5. In 7th grade I won the first place at the local chess tournament in my county. 

During primary school there is not a lot to talk about. I did good and my road to success was already being formed. Then I entered the high school I wanted to be in. Those were really the best years of my life, I had my first crush, the first girl that actually loved me and the messages that we would send to eachother were caring messages and love ones. I just can't forget that. I had an outstanding performance in high school. I was the 4th one in my high school by grade, getting my diploma of maturity with a really good grade. 

I made my parents very happy. I saw them crying of happiness. I was very happy. Everything was perfect in my life, those were the best days of my life, everyone was proud of me and there was also me, feeling like I was in the center of everything. 

After all, I had to choose an university. I always wanted to study Computer Science, but there was something missing in my studies. I was never good at psychics. I couldn't get there and I tried and tried to search for something good for me, but everything was in a hurry, and this is the point where I started to go down.

I joined the faculty of applied sciences, which didn't seem so bad at first. After all, it's an polytechnic university, it's science, I could become an engineer. Everyone I would tell that I was there would have no idea what it is, or either they told me it's bad. I tried to tell to myself it can't be so bad. 

First week of university I told my parents I don't like what I'm doing here, that I made a mistake. They were very sad and told me they can't really do anything, there is just not enough money to move right now. I couldn't just quit. So I went on. The first semester I finished in a really good way, being the 3rd out of 100 people. But then, it's not the best faculty ever, I didn't feel really good because I knew most people here don't really study. I started faking my happiness, I started thinking that maybe this will help me. Everyone of my friends was actually where they wanted to be, except me. Even if I had some awesome teachers, from where I learned exceptional stuff, I would just think about the fact that, what am I going to do after this university? It offers me no opportunities and I won't be doing what I loved. 

My dream was to be a programmer or a web designer, because that's what I would do since 10 years old. But then I am here, where we barely study informatics. 

To be clear, it's not about keeping up with the university. I could manage that. It's not that. I just don't feel like this is my future. I ruined my future. During this period I lost a lot of friends. They began talking behind my back, about how trash my faculty was, about how my grades don't matter here, nobody was there for me. 

I tried to talk to people, I wanted to move from this faculty this summer. Nobody helped me. Everything people talked me with, was either because they needed help at math, or they needed something in general. I lost all my friends basically. Everyone I was talking to felt like they just don't like me. We used to play Dota together and we were such a fun group, then after university they kind of split up from me. Not between themselves, just from me. Today my only remaining friend send me some screenshots about how they were talking behind my back. Even my irl best friends made me feel surprised. About how fake they were.

I lost all my hope. I'm not studying where I want. I have no friends. I have no people that can help me anymore. Everything I'm doing is by myself. I can't take it anymore. I don't wanna stress my parents, after all they did a lot for me. I feel like I have nobody anymore. I feel the need to talk to someone, I need advice, I need TRUE advice.

The friend who sent me the screenshots is an INTERNET friend, so this makes me even more surprised, how a guy I met over the INTERNET is realer than my actual friends. Besides a guy that was always with me, I have nobody else in my life. He is kind of stressed with the maturity exam he has this summer, and he doesn't really understand me, he is 1 year younger than me, and that changes a lot at this period tbh.

So in conclusion, I thought a lot about ending it all. Just like my life went from 100 to zero. I was the most happy person, and in just one year, absolutely everything went downhill. Bad studies, no friends, nobody a real person anymore, a lot of stress, every morning its a torture to take the bus, it takes me 1 hour to get to university, and I'm not even liking it. I would love to stress a lot if I knew in the end, I would actually become something and I could be on my own feet. But for now, I am just wasting my time. I didn't talk with my parents about this, but I REALLY want to move from this university to where I actually want to be. I want to prove everyone else after all this downhill, I CAN STILL DO IT, but my parents will most likely not agree with me. My last chance is to try and move. Even if I wasted one year here, it's not really wasted, because I earned a scholarship which pretty much paid for anything I did here, so it's more like this year of uni was a trial. I was thinking either I wait until summer, and have a final discussion with my parents about this, or either I will just end it all now. I can't take faking myself to be happy anymore. I wish I could turn back  time to 12th grade and make a wiser choice. 

For most of you, it might seem that I'm exaggerating over a simple university and ""so what, you can just move"" but it's hard as my parents don't really have so much money and they would be upset, they would keep telling me why I chose this in first place, because to be honest, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY EITHER. I have nobody to talk anymore, which makes me even more sad. This is why I am ruined. I can't express myself, this is why I try to talk here.

Anyway, it's too long of a post. Don't wanna stress anybody with this. I would just love to hear some opinions of what I should do. Today after those screenshots I was REALLY close to do it. The only thing taking me back from suiciding at the moment is the image of seeing my mom crying, because I know she's really stressed at the moment, she had really depressing nights recently and doing this would really just destroy her. Especially today, on mother's day.. ",3.502322128744908,4.813296551867223,4.802986917405813,84.25584624462296,72.76210235131397,7.630073470630782,24.953468600505037,8.144104532272687,1.4140456761455198,5618,169,1136,84,109,1865,392,1446,0.118,0.738,0.14400000000000002,0.9919,10,0,5,0,0,2,183.0,4,2,22,27,85,93,2,8,61,0,143,15,1,17,18,212,246,61,1,45,49,15,9,11,10,18,7,1,0,5,76,41,0,3,24,4,4,16,43,28,0,16,69,13,221,65,163,139,42,147,0,9,3,7,114,51,0,26,89,860,297,21,0.0,0.0,0.12669972409957206,0.0,0.0,0.05074910067092424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02865511554972618,0.020765717426400345,0.12963922629934935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802652838988364,0.0,0.0,0.06410562889224483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798677610279776,0.08672509440878493,0.1108042519087954,0.08603518986789514,0.0,0.0,0.13625327711293472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026474981172790343,0.0,0.05493906596406328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292981434840165,0.0,0.08557024814989486,0.033492999588424485,0.0,0.02236524955783032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338401937777624,0.0,0.0689968876739153,0.026830745056044825,0.0,0.10290533983072092,0.04697708830340222,0.02187822990393613,0.12406241003312812,0.16336160299179334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877785730443969,0.05565226727826834,0.02493229240526109,0.028445465421328364,0.0,0.1987868569866619,0.0,0.0,0.20061959510108748,0.0,0.040699894398162,0.0,0.04427275637615846,0.15245860318006427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142261928928266,0.0,0.24878019372008955,0.04652247696768525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02926657911673069,0.0,0.10443037856687684,0.08230635422088828,0.0,0.02579098690006152,0.02557216202167788,0.0,0.0,0.058626929981885234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046161140713884656,0.0,0.05408105278073568,0.014270727001368394,0.021166486073704825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02655291056920963,0.12838830651475178,0.1395472517331939,0.0,0.0,0.02297988591440476,0.0,0.0,0.08503780355774325,0.1545328853308684,0.1640529627937397,0.07371151481798574,0.0866655239017066,0.0,0.02608723731650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027546773243306268,0.0,0.0304121148707064,0.0,0.1379935054837722,0.05726596925978322,0.11552474657908705,0.06008181323283473,0.0,0.0,0.024368172940325217,0.0,0.02491593713518487,0.0,0.02724788935067976,0.0,0.08797920411605685,0.039497989188339785,0.0,0.0,0.259498486256862,0.0,0.0,0.09001088107921326,0.04534658416232985,0.054259759296456635,0.0,0.024547110053289703,0.0,0.02486910854692408,0.02641766859730272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02761899032652914,0.0,0.029556012634293593,0.2328908198327401,0.02669829396713892,0.02563917722512604,0.0,0.0,0.022175587385285214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511954062233793,0.041384508486302735,0.04727857391479518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021480084785122085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02200166679638889,0.09995292621236196,0.0,0.0,0.0735180108305546,0.0,0.02073719676508301,0.0,0.17846995046999306,0.027146237817149345,0.029725883504474183,0.028403569731258124,0.029466925968114743,0.0,0.0,0.11714324546465668,0.20871207473432984,0.068088635175571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01725125193953881,0.049915615563046224,0.0,0.020614814969793782,0.030283011867663894,0.0,0.07384074380866233,0.07443744601987687,0.0,0.10577890762420032,0.02824452637054036,0.0,0.027032454607725586,0.0,0.022427060958248514,0.0,0.06427622625769981,0.18379137715809046,0.02061131346149064,0.02082907774919444,0.0,0.0,0.07221471849661089,0.09372433933732907,0.0,0.029860649005015505,0.0,0.0,0.018904209622137264,0.0,0.0,0.22135365551954292,0.0,0.0,0.13377463782161475
suicidewatch,ConejoTenso,2019/03/08,Is dying by dehydration painful? I'm just curious because one of my family member suicided this way and I want to know what they went through...,3.1311111111111103,5.955530259259259,4.9644444444444495,75.50000000000003,79.74074074074073,9.525925925925927,31.222222222222214,9.725611199111238,3.9564666666666666,115,6,20,4,3,39,26,27,0.102,0.772,0.126,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616802502601746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38505622804062617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497610431765084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039007944360415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25141017148452915,0.0,0.39478738343684827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058314921494677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188349608341336,0.29449538126300306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439357240412989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watchmeprocrastibate,2019/03/08,"I am ready to die but I cannot. Growing increasingly isolated and resentful of everyone.  My situation is getting worse and I just want to leave.  

I hear stories of people who’s family members killed themselves and the pain they are going through.  It sucks.  Like a transfer of pain to your loved ones.  

Well what about those who don’t kill themselves and living another fucking day in this fucking world with each day getting progressively worse.

I am ready to die.  Did not make this decision lightly, with plans in place, and just don’t want to hurt my family.  I just want to die.  I don’t want to hurt anyone.",2.6836074270557053,5.4165515517241385,3.5555172413793086,85.46428381962866,80.89655172413794,7.017506631299736,26.16445623342176,8.139509932561175,1.9559901856763933,484,20,91,10,13,154,71,116,0.38,0.472,0.14800000000000002,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,2,5,13,6,0,2,0,9,5,0,1,0,19,22,6,5,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,10,1,1,1,2,11,3,16,21,2,9,0,2,0,3,6,4,3,0,3,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171337889163918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449790185728832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431722695331575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207836452984029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129138718847949,0.0,0.0,0.2548090659903232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498823870729776,0.14121742485420516,0.0,0.07680713597774141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232045432567054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28935524733414497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990401912492526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310112468550554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602598168411879,0.0,0.11933724813011873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197541447507088,0.0,0.09021165010388038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157908267118092,0.0,0.2876118035465174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936938905333275,0.0,0.14119981625924055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191085367733742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318852731394871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151335409793193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754526112073289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imthethrowawaygirl,2019/03/08,The worst feeling The worst feeling is waking up after passing out from an intentional overdose. I couldn’t even kill myself right. I recently moved to a new school and felt like I finally had friends for the first time in my life. Found out today that they hate me. I can’t stop crying and thinking of how happy everyone would be without me. Just felt like letting that out,4.195,6.232968500000003,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,72.33333333333334,7.022222222222222,28.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.87015,300,12,55,4,6,94,57,72,0.244,0.591,0.165,-0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,2,0,5,0,7,2,1,2,0,18,14,3,1,2,2,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,4,4,9,4,11,6,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,10,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798472548849665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107238052533168,0.0,0.0,0.18962462523520893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006815449336913,0.0,0.3810805063628727,0.21738900278981144,0.0,0.16879892792898551,0.0,0.21758690691546131,0.15331967001819766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112505355056453,0.0,0.195925340781085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195522175757024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292551604655615,0.14016899409707229,0.19390237326698767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109177691717076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166136181138413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594248456705726,0.0,0.0,0.1694726648540228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008389717933641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591058878409706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715683302729008,0.0,0.0,0.11571604918173377,0.0,0.18810456457718525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912958389880984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097106435223686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marmoo1,2019/03/08,death is like a friend hi does anyone else feel that death is the only thing that wunt let you down,-0.21142857142857352,2.091881190476194,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,94.23809523809523,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.6631714285714287,79,0,19,0,3,23,18,21,0.264,0.542,0.193,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817455585513732,0.41286044107865855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352616187361834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33660531308049063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037389627339345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113110430412325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41203424226412505,0.0,0.19685650922269685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30645461641116456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26769594626879994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TabuuTheGod,2019/03/08,"I can't stop crying, almost 8 hours straight. I am so close to taking all my insulin and just going to sit in my favorite spot. I lost the only person who was in my life that cares about me. I can't console in anyone, and I don't have a single person that I can just hug. I'm all alone and my life is worth nothing anymore. Nobody is going to miss me. Nobody even knows me. I wish I had never been born to be all alone and in pain my whole life.",0.4513832199546499,2.0014768367347,2.624013605442176,95.64400226757373,81.65306122448979,4.355555555555556,17.011337868480727,3.1291,-0.9296839002267574,342,6,80,0,9,116,61,98,0.11,0.696,0.194,0.8207,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,12,6,0,0,4,15,21,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,4,0,16,2,9,16,5,13,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,1,4,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899083628936215,0.3928430626532499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880831099750879,0.13260858531707986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933621206184845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20832302688747287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526288248496886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556638706427134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676830948582535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422738425166664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018689253658101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702677647935686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627075957085828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197551908394505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423834524711027,0.2018023344391109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311923668313809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855696297404032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259416095107752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211738882446634,0.2180896136231508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Epilukc,2019/03/08,"Farewell In the past I could talk for hours on end about minor things in life. Looks like I've changed, I've become so weak that I can't say anything other than the pure minimum, even to my loved ones. The fact that we've become distant recently doesn't help, I imagine.

​

It's so hard to remain alive, for me at least. Every day is a constant struggle. I'm lost and I don't know what to do or where to go now.",2.338266452648476,3.6077355393258435,3.289919743178172,94.12101123595508,75.62921348314606,5.984590690208668,23.950240770465488,6.18269132825596,0.38734542536115546,329,10,75,2,7,105,68,89,0.139,0.76,0.101,-0.3539,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,4,0,6,3,0,0,2,7,12,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,3,6,2,12,10,1,13,0,1,1,1,4,5,0,1,8,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084533717346016,0.2364561713228369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013642289896632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42983331688505855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20585740253052293,0.0,0.0,0.21028979526013347,0.0,0.15536955238069938,0.0,0.0,0.12549870983862288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235483021053738,0.0,0.0,0.12852922046356915,0.0,0.16395603022941546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059373350618656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432033289605373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304340005289895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191638454658684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694520342393612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374493350334589,0.0950700703769753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341213543467614,0.0,0.2124251786970518,0.0,0.175631031036907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186369384496655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576447585679406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214066835561566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475102859880055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343462006323887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564093776536708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292813356891098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364561713228369,0.0
suicidewatch,Zip-lock129,2019/03/08,"It's easy to give advice... But do you really think that if you could step into someone's shoes and live their miserable fucking life, you would be any bit optimistic and prone to THIS desire? ",7.2964864864864865,6.9138620270270295,6.9331081081081125,78.30614864864866,63.864864864864856,10.643243243243244,29.31081081081081,10.125756701596842,2.626308108108109,153,4,29,3,2,48,32,37,0.076,0.736,0.188,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,9,7,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382964171628896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354235458851229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779537902279909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764074505671131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320050440601566,0.0,0.3321004838648632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445268052626692,0.0,0.0,0.3056953256418865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178050982454744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29332874673361264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218269050710934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459260282388701,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dwego,2019/03/08,"I will kill myself tomorrow if this day sucks No throwaway account, I am not a coward. Not like anyone actually knows or cares for me, though. I will throw myself off the nearest bridge and cut my wrist before that so even if I survive the impact I will just bleed out.

My life sucks, I‘ve been suicidal since the age of 5, and I am only laughable 19 now. I‘ve been failing school hard for several reasons recently, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because of my depressive tendencies, I haven‘t been to school since then (3 Weeks) because I can‘t do anything besides sleep and cry myself to sleep.

I tried to get help, I tried everything. Nothing works. My good grades and my successful relationship were what was keeping me alive for the past 3 years, since my life before that was a complete fucking joke, and it‘s a miracle that I am still alive.

No more, I am tired and I‘ve had enough of life for today. For this life.

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suicidewatch,assdragonfart,2019/03/08,"I’ve had suicidal thoughts everyday, but I can’t tell anyone. I’m afraid they would involuntary hospitalize me or something, so I struggle through it. Now I had a physics exam tomorrow that I’m going to fail, and I’m having the worst panic attack of my entire life. It’s 5:10 am and my roommate woke me up and I can’t stop. My heart is racing, and I’m praying to God or whatever to please just make it stop. I just want a B. I just want to pass. I’m finally finally slowing down but the thoughts are still there. 

The ugly truth of the matter is that even if Physics didn’t exist, I would still want to kill myself. I feel like a failure no matter what I do and for the first time, my grades are slipping and I don’t know how to deal with that. I just want to be a smart kid. I just want to not disappoint my parents and myself, but I can’t stop making stupid decisions and digging my own grave. I really just want to kill myself every day, every time I pass the bridge or walk up the parking garage. Every time I look out the window. Not because I have a hard life or because I hate my life, but because I want to stop feeling like a failure and just want to sleep. 

I’m on three monster energy drinks today and my body feels physically broken. The exam is in about 10 hours. The panic attack is starting to slow because I’m finally telling someone, something, about my deepest secret, but the ugliest feeling in world remains. God, do I really want to kill myself? The ugly, ugly truth is yes. Yes, I do. I’m just going to be another failure burnout because I make stupid decisions and act like I’m bigger than my body.

I just want to go back in time. Back before I procrastinated and didn’t take this Physics course seriously and I could get A’s like last semester. I keep rambling because this is the only way to stop my panic attack. LSD told me that I needed to cut open my thoughts and open up my head, like letting blood, but I’m just now realizing what that means. It means I have to be honest and realize that I want to kill myself. It’s what I was hiding. I thought my thorn was that people were out to hurt me, but that’s not the only thorn I have to dig out of myself. The truth is that I want to kill myself. Just like high school. Just like how my friend did. That’s why I’m fascinated with guns and keeping about being shot in the head. It’s because I want that to happen.

I’m crying and couldn’t even do that before. My heart rate is slowed, but I’m left with the ugliest feeling in world. I want to kill myself, it’s true. I know that it’s true. But I still don’t want to be hospitalized. I don’t know that to do with this information but I’m still unsure how to open up and I still don’t really want to die. I just want to be a good kid and not fail my classes or Physics. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I already have.

I really want someone to have read this and understand. I want attention. I want reassurance more that everything. I want people to hug me and tell me that it’s going to be okay and that they love me. I’m just left with another ugly, ugly truth about myself. 

If anyone has read this, thanks for reading.",1.9832203300190367,3.7789671242331337,3.6708250475989,88.76671779141104,77.91104294478528,6.521091601438545,22.89782102813624,7.438213257848477,0.8577027924687965,2463,76,526,33,58,822,219,652,0.244,0.569,0.187,-0.998,2,0,3,1,0,8,72.0,0,0,2,4,34,48,13,5,25,3,51,14,8,6,6,139,123,44,9,29,36,1,6,7,1,2,3,0,1,2,34,33,1,7,22,4,0,8,16,26,0,2,14,7,81,22,63,97,3,64,1,6,1,2,15,23,0,7,39,334,115,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051079277332437126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707271234135373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709564173402713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579757387521908,0.0,0.07118427961648657,0.0,0.1975145102116564,0.0,0.07877430615270498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282969389466198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03695670829592946,0.0,0.050844515924437464,0.029851532298020775,0.04772025863778784,0.0,0.0,0.04803899495054186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534401282419963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114475887188563,0.0,0.11699734773709385,0.0,0.0416001145475304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170214562540557,0.06613543027020988,0.0,0.15211669426893995,0.0,0.03937202370432229,0.0,0.0,0.0357615167131567,0.0,0.024183246789530467,0.0,0.10522474412569968,0.038823660149599364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040931779265972544,0.0,0.041464402736408106,0.04569920707527009,0.09500841621745666,0.0,0.0,0.10970154168599636,0.0,0.04890516071118213,0.0,0.0,0.04558374764284565,0.0,0.0495516000475977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228470425863281,0.3072607825458609,0.0,0.07631500431119642,0.0377303944364052,0.0,0.0,0.10058275252079524,0.04733198442680926,0.098082440911995,0.15829573834327873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886974332317415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041776169669589726,0.0,0.09269156125762396,0.0,0.0,0.10084105778416937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034321507440400065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070407279995913,0.0,0.1629248097249237,0.0513966602572043,0.0,0.0,0.06417968546807812,0.0,0.0,0.050809645881315216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388997248486277,0.0,0.11861152932732864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684530201238447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632081045376429,0.0,0.0784382975611041,0.07126857652107632,0.0,0.0,0.032762447403382564,0.0,0.18482581632289294,0.1934916209051303,0.0,0.04838962200617314,0.0,0.050630883446150125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03480235092362145,0.0,0.12137163688224452,0.04261520267895153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469880446542516,0.10796217931598394,0.0,0.043875026140805365,0.044229577351491335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818679734473196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6006329410749953,0.0367407695375821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176716294777447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576245661506636,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alt_boembam,2019/03/08,Goodbye I’m ready to end it all,-2.71125,-1.1246796249999989,0.8049999999999997,103.54,95.25,3.2,20.5,3.1291,-0.7774000000000001,25,1,7,0,1,9,8,8,0.0,0.706,0.294,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AyokoNaMabuhayPlease,2019/03/08,I don't feel like living anymore Med school is fun but Im failing all the time. I hate hoe I look and my ADHD makes me annoying as fuck. My 4 best friends were all involved in a fight that somehow ended with one of them dropping me forever and the rest living as if I did something really fucked up. I can't find it in myself to keep going when my major support systems all cut themselves off all of a sudden.,2.4027408637873755,3.874555453488373,4.157242524916942,87.13941860465117,75.86046511627906,6.309634551495018,26.239202657807308,6.868970318607317,1.1544039867109643,323,12,66,3,7,109,67,86,0.289,0.57,0.142,-0.9538,0,0,1,0,1,1,4.0,0,0,1,2,2,12,6,0,4,0,5,2,0,1,4,14,14,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,2,2,12,5,10,12,7,11,0,1,1,2,4,4,2,2,5,46,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25036758488285243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660359200460135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186254735860281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845151613144788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533597629239874,0.14882826487618964,0.0,0.0,0.1904063547039412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095229017228796,0.3851883936427408,0.0,0.0,0.11839656917846507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567897320519102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250280237430517,0.0,0.0,0.18516988111558366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017776487630689,0.0,0.3679116679444955,0.0,0.17494152321487594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905934307097229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231403422606684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411672113372516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345908563665254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083721653035614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037967153901572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236406080697928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147667108387705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,updatedstatus,2019/03/08,"I’m unable to get over the ideas that people are trying to covertly harm me I’m always paranoid people are trying to ruin my life to advance their own agenda. 

My parents, friends, doctors, lovers, coworkers. E V E R Y O N E

I’m isolating my self to the point I’m forgetting how to behave myself. 

Even if I eventually make a lot of money  no matter how many objects I purchase, anyone at any given moment has the potential do the most venomous things to me. 

Im sensing multiple groups of people are following my every digital footprint for malicious intent.

What if I just drop my worries and enjoy what i can you might suggest? Then I put myself in positions to be harmed and I look oblivious for not being vigilant enough to see it coming in the first place.

Sure i got plans for monetary success. What’s the point with following through with them if I know I was not raised to be the kind of person who is respected amongst a community?

W H A T T H E H E L L

I want it to STOP. As far as I can tell there’s only one solution.
",1.8590758293838832,3.883054563981045,4.406964454976303,82.2575556872038,79.18957345971562,7.442748815165877,26.189810426540284,8.395991825355821,2.0433201895734605,807,33,157,17,20,284,136,211,0.12,0.763,0.116,-0.205,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,4,5,10,0,0,10,0,13,3,0,4,1,25,28,10,0,4,6,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,2,0,2,5,3,3,0,2,3,2,23,7,26,21,4,18,0,1,2,1,12,8,0,6,4,100,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677885849947286,0.0,0.0,0.11178528749264606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493960397836347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160039903607338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682517777906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698503818427033,0.0,0.10857265441437598,0.0,0.1384987891862064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982310837796186,0.0,0.0,0.1270010011345967,0.0,0.0858827263281442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314711733082199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556708773626088,0.1775605943109962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117838968086832,0.09033995982192483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610775431648572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803934423373548,0.0,0.0,0.13975156126662164,0.0,0.0,0.1097261540561388,0.16665738411423206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438315425593506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138938842074936,0.12501979597743287,0.0,0.0,0.18252657905972533,0.0,0.0,0.34188500891871004,0.1435318814133854,0.17174403498571508,0.0,0.3107879417419896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652491508806626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099104318736535,0.0,0.17148610854546936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137430578032876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549279379881087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367697281063446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920798968030146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232089569055368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695666769748328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693773690712266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ratcoke,2019/03/08,"Hating My Mind I hate the way my mind thinks. I hate my ignorance, I hate my negativity,I hate my thought processes. 

I don’t want to feel sad or be negative. I don’t feed into my negativity most of the time. I try to be positive but my brain’s intrusive thoughts plague me, and no matter how many positive things I say I still FEEL bad. 

I have nothing to feel depressed about. As my boyfriend said, my issues are child’s play. Insignificant. I have no problems that I can’t fix on my own, I’ve been sheltered all of my life and have never truly had any real abuse.

But I just feel so unhappy. It’s a choking unhappiness, I can’t describe it. 

Lately I feel like I’ve been subconsciously making all of my friends and boyfriend hate me. I’ve been saying things I know they won’t like and doing things that annoy them. I think my mind is trying to make it so that I truly do not have any one to keep me sane, so then I can kill myself and deal the least amount of damage.

I don’t know. I would like support. Everyone that I’ve talked to in my real life say that it sucks but I have to put my big girl boots on. And I am trying to. But I really want to know that other people have felt this way and come out the other end fine.",1.5764863498483344,3.280554771317832,3.4661779575328637,90.1912082912033,78.8062015503876,6.657499157398046,20.907313784967986,7.586124646067393,0.5696563532187389,953,25,216,14,23,321,129,258,0.282,0.596,0.122,-0.9945,0,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,0,0,2,0,7,22,9,0,5,0,25,4,1,3,3,49,53,18,1,4,7,0,6,3,1,2,2,4,0,2,16,10,1,2,13,1,0,2,12,15,0,1,8,10,44,7,20,41,6,16,0,3,0,0,11,6,1,2,9,141,60,0,0.0,0.11177731910607913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283086929892025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876985067775548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531449472987912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126544438266685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726026328160564,0.08125479159409604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355712305808521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901457884101612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385053637545408,0.06739642181265709,0.09058106944499864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288674936302479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5588465409173349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846631377072974,0.0,0.0838536109054781,0.1043730882843484,0.0,0.1555401756721894,0.0,0.10641948225442796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327007995788154,0.13826908523409775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594519126321738,0.0956458207172538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28576912557728285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276072343400508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052164940329188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392713729019657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540338720013783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027051449080244,0.0,0.0948376259642764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475885084512106,0.06043653628416636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973881976270066,0.22506855289521266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533994186095037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705576623532644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582681378921563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802565258124349,0.1208983585414194,0.0,0.14979063746105087,0.0550103367231838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215173682348455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128819890248004,0.14976519492559415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701633674048989,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VersumXian,2019/03/08,"Just Outrage What is with all of these know-it- all, judgmental, ignorant -ass motherfuckers that think that so many suicide cases are ""cries for attention""?

​

God damn it. Really.

​

When people don't understand something, they just try to judge it in any way they can to write it off

​

It's gross. I'm just thinking about how fucked up that is. I hate hearing that, especially when suicide is such a high cause of deaths.What the fuck? 

​

This post isn't actually asking for an answer. I just wanted to share my outrage.

​

People who are becoming or are suicidal are in all likeliness, already somewhat isolated, and making their hard time just a ""cry for attention"",  makes them:

1. more alone
2. feel even shittier about being suicidal
3. more untrusting towards anyone that could actually be there for them

​

Fuck those know-it-all, ""I need other people to be shit"" , ignorant-ass, motherfuckers

​

Leave folks the fuck alone.

You don't know shit about people and what they need.

Fucking gross",5.273051051051052,8.240616308108113,4.874549549549549,78.42035285285287,72.4054054054054,8.21921921921922,29.737237237237238,8.998388855275968,2.950741741741742,847,36,136,19,18,258,113,185,0.363,0.618,0.019,-0.9976,0,2,1,0,0,2,65.0,0,1,6,0,15,15,11,0,5,0,15,8,3,4,3,31,34,7,4,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,16,3,0,1,8,0,0,0,3,14,0,0,0,3,11,1,19,30,6,11,0,0,0,6,12,6,9,2,3,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1138944079088866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087878566786828,0.06439748472798403,0.0,0.0,0.4426022008006935,0.4963639377725202,0.039684196727513374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080399092197106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054555141458719474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444980496847594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994786155070756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046592653271003634,0.0,0.12820302513036666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038543699923765634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029506632965542963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697466941933969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052275666012156906,0.05761463637313114,0.0,0.0,0.06577164480245869,0.0,0.0,0.061656497595317314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621307468117664,0.0,0.0,0.06179075807851776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779063932541876,0.05916399703062029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654072127332102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618272822412377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055889079737611584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03738445680577835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198035398363101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492543070090256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25532871362040666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478455485155441,0.0,0.0,0.03402795202275636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039620008839558164,0.0,0.0,0.0607508310249185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034419981030188715,0.046320411500581735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963639377725202,0.0
suicidewatch,overbeingover,2019/03/08,"I'm thinking about it more Hi All, I'm surprising upbeat about this. I've posted on r/depressed before. And this is my throw away so there's some porn stuff on it. Ignore that.

I've been thinking about ending it all a lot more recently. I'm thinking in about 18 months time. Is that weird? I'm totally comfortable with the thought. Although at the same time, I'm not sure if I'll go through with it.

It's very vivid in my mind. I want to do it before I suffer any family loss. Yes that's selfish, but I've always been selfish.

I'm partner will be better off financially. 

What's the point in going on? I'm at the top of my game. It's all down hill from here. I don't want to take that journey.

Not sure why I'm posting this. Just sharing. I don't feel depressed. Just comfortable in my decision. I'm I alone in thinking this way?

I'm not after sympathy or support, just want to know if others ever feel this way.

Thanks for reading.",-0.1424529042386169,2.1437985459183686,1.9795918367346952,94.296726844584,91.60204081632654,4.852119309262167,20.293563579277862,6.490185161304077,0.2755838304552589,729,25,159,9,26,243,105,196,0.11,0.7140000000000001,0.177,0.9392,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,11,16,0,0,5,1,9,1,0,0,7,37,35,7,0,5,10,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,19,3,0,1,9,2,0,4,5,7,0,0,3,3,9,9,27,30,9,30,0,3,1,1,4,15,0,5,7,94,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098934521490506,0.0,0.0,0.12130484010492905,0.0,0.0,0.09913883310724672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696985332158326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248104679759378,0.0,0.0,0.12893502953086006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25112889969782776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291222829068064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187092397668693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743317049865733,0.0,0.14742660314954273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570600694001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011965081084911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394123609334748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720134174226313,0.0,0.11636423595130607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378139940380382,0.0,0.2792435581684945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582450139444414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143945149126432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668890033558964,0.0,0.16543514698362002,0.27480136845134323,0.0,0.10961221434359908,0.0,0.0,0.13421928709909933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736526937075568,0.0,0.11573704526418092,0.1700168699257845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028793400439552,0.25796339875570634,0.2314347737335647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154833211132647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-5696959429,2019/03/08,There might be something to live for after all I been really sick for the past two days and a girl in my class that I knew pretty well called me and told me she loved and missed me. At first I was kinda flabbergasted because I get shown very little affection and I had no idea the someone actually cared about me. You may think no one loves you but in reality someone might and you might not know. ,7.115625000000001,5.8717453125000025,7.1075000000000035,79.72750000000005,64.625,10.5,30.0,9.516144504307137,2.23675,315,8,67,5,4,101,60,80,0.085,0.765,0.15,0.6647,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,1,1,18,17,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,5,0,14,4,8,7,1,8,0,1,0,2,9,4,0,5,4,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.17356069217055867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841867479193684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160970232516346,0.0,0.18133488806734985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470167422911587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512832571403253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292182616833206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007764937888536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774438238666004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825729867748058,0.15704910406916814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210419187961925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5660277161396529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205190593074801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978259314751112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809423374780568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393838062395302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013916995656782,0.13692136412433525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396221589813592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994794511766506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373835958542416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674888992694995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991288296435438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mustafa9356,2019/03/08,"I need help I feel like shit. I've felt like this for a while now. I find comfort in two things. Eating and video games. When I'm not doing this, I think too much. Think about what I've been through. Think about ending it all. I have to dull my mind. Constantly distract myself. I've pushed everyone away from me. I did it for them. So they won't miss me.",-1.4009846153846193,0.4733917733333364,0.033333333333334984,105.0992307692308,104.6,3.3743589743589752,12.435897435897436,5.369823440869387,-1.4509179487179482,273,5,67,2,13,85,56,75,0.113,0.7290000000000001,0.158,0.3416,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,1,1,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,11,13,4,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,2,12,3,9,9,2,8,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,7,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228027590317482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622758736070529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483459042020843,0.0,0.0,0.2149629448635152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319132520900804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271800052948086,0.1733871724621393,0.2330330763452412,0.0,0.22182627398366775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267879948470787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371449906179282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24506098557454775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841473445476053,0.17996130380994213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24913128655232594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124118251674416,0.4665431185889884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370857026623935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Acidic7,2019/03/08,"GUILT every day at school I try and get in and out as fast as possible I hate people I hate everything. I have been diagnosed with depression and I haven't gone a day without wanting to die but what's stopping me is the guilt of people worrying about me when I don't show up to work or that one friend I have that plays Game Pidgin with me will she worry about me when I don't answer. I am tired of everyone saying if you leave people will be sad, if you ever say this you have no clue what its like. I want to die because I have no one. What will my parents think? Will this affect people that I care about but don't care about me? These are the questions I have. I don't want to be a burden to people. I don't want to burden them with worry or my trouble so I try and put a mask on and act. Who am I kidding I know no one will worry I would just like to think they would. I really do want to kill myself and I plan on doing it soon I don't know when or how but I will fuck this life I hope I am reborn into a crow.",0.10800080450523096,1.7944286415929227,2.409283990345937,96.0860579243765,83.38053097345133,5.3480289621882555,16.467417538214,6.351523495107088,-0.5181964601769913,787,14,191,7,22,268,109,226,0.248,0.589,0.163,-0.976,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,3,2,2,12,18,4,2,6,0,30,4,0,2,1,39,47,21,3,10,10,1,0,2,1,8,3,2,0,1,13,11,0,1,6,3,0,3,11,11,0,3,2,2,39,7,27,35,0,19,0,2,0,1,14,7,1,7,11,143,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565594182150004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196247626897498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892157351060996,0.0,0.09276612124060324,0.10931826370988236,0.22356148092404615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742529940959664,0.09074607115607884,0.1029167015621808,0.09679827007653656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321258224401258,0.09957149678058548,0.056271394430558695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267269270142775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697532399535717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915957658730322,0.0,0.11838365476561385,0.0,0.0,0.11404399760083653,0.0,0.0,0.07607519601352357,0.1052384027494538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895099791965836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959360820808612,0.0,0.0,0.3733452777075946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142115552432355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082732296246796,0.12065420075468035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899855309833149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130260879155726,0.0,0.10900316610500553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004616637063331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802597442214268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237910034959874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462491910943094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176358695130158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382373463786597,0.0,0.07841049111616037,0.4375184459307103,0.0,0.15302102183032595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,someguyhere0,2019/03/08,"I'm Losing My Mind So about 8 months ago I broke up with my ex girlfriend because she cheated on me (she didn't sleep with anyone). About a month before we broke up we had unprotected sex, in which I didnt pull out properly. Never gonna do that again obviously. After around 3 weeks of waiting for her period she tells me she had her period. Thank god. She said it was a heavy period and it lasted 4 days and everything. Typical period. Perfect. But i never saw it with my own eyes (I'm weird i know). So 2 weeks later we broke up. And right after we broke up I I texted her and asked her if she was lying about her period, she said she wasnt. She said she was not lying.

So it's now been 8 months since that incident. I've never seen her or spoken to her since. But I'm scared she might call me in like a month to tell me she gave birth or something. I looked at her instagram photo from about 3 months ago and her stomach looks skinny as usual. This would mean she was 5 months pregnant in that picture (if she is I'm saying). She hasn't posted since that picture. She didn't post anything for about 3 months. She usually posts once every 2 months. I've been looking through all her social media seeing if I find anything about a pregancy. But luckily I have not. But I have severe anxiety that she might call me or show up at my house or something. I cant sleep at night and this has seriously affected my mental stability. I feel severe dizziness because of the stress and anxiety and I have some panic attacks as well. Do you think she'll call me next month and say she just gave birth? Do you think she could've been lying about the period? I just wanna roll up and die. I will never have sex ever again. I'm 18 years old. My life is going downhill I just feel it. Shes gonna call me I'm telling you. My family will disown me, my dad would would cry his eyes out. He already has anxiety as it is. My mom already has cancer. Now shes gonna have to deal with this. I can't live anymore.",0.6105080748526035,2.8517416457831324,2.6107254550115364,92.07180210202516,85.55421686746988,5.74878236349654,18.227377595488328,7.125416948008024,0.2293404255319147,1553,39,338,23,47,519,185,415,0.153,0.797,0.05,-0.9906,0,0,2,0,0,1,46.0,4,3,0,2,20,16,2,3,6,0,40,10,6,1,8,62,70,27,1,7,16,3,2,1,1,11,2,5,0,0,15,21,1,1,7,1,0,2,13,12,1,0,20,15,75,4,42,39,3,63,0,5,8,2,63,17,0,10,42,217,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529294171335215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597663607303053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621916777091094,0.0,0.07008764165511155,0.04941551109680089,0.0,0.11631408163528845,0.06291307032487094,0.06606878732269526,0.08039961147502707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616200006657514,0.0,0.06013667344351459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28865608648806623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056425847636951125,0.0,0.07762988212461656,0.045577598515806436,0.0728597368989244,0.0,0.0,0.0733463864802618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392687715178663,0.05954421467480259,0.0,0.06351544370084515,0.0,0.06662327935611803,0.0,0.07146778125337283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459293484620868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040164530699882864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154600845688134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038839487283297267,0.05760711886737922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991772916610169,0.034526773255940835,0.0,0.062404677705346724,0.0,0.17804006218939114,0.07906389958792755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698253476088461,0.0,0.0,0.07122076168211464,0.14994366425434058,0.07135858160665808,0.08277020145264602,0.5076875017613562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180264369890772,0.0,0.07516048210804464,0.06632089191687271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415838393033095,0.07526338187855362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291837408068406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305274392732306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035350856111571,0.201675789585291,0.11240243442269328,0.07075500869223912,0.0,0.056316440323087164,0.0,0.0,0.15967850577309484,0.0,0.17538184560097733,0.0,0.14144609266361952,0.07204121207025754,0.0,0.1088135287342021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809545462197467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185311349574908,0.06506528974727875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056753804310934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567046436788728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337764365965028,0.0,0.06354262242672991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061010009928502,0.0,0.0,0.04551045598449623
suicidewatch,Paige_4o4,2019/03/08,"So, I cut myself a bit It’s really just scratching on my wrist, but then I got a bit more into it and they started to draw blood. It was really hard to work up the courage at first, but then once I started getting into to, it was *alarming* how much easier each cut became. 

I just wanted to do something tangible. Something that I can’t hide (or can’t hide easily). It’s my own tiny, little ‘cry for help’ to my friends and family. It’s so minor they might not notice, or if they do notice I can possibly play it off as an accident. 

I couldn’t bring myself to ask for help like an adult, with words. Maybe this will do. ",2.3995348837209285,3.6018027906976755,4.2596046511627925,87.49963953488373,75.35658914728683,7.640620155038762,22.20232558139535,8.238735603445708,1.0521125581395352,476,12,104,8,10,162,81,129,0.108,0.733,0.158,0.8742,0,0,2,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,3,2,5,7,2,1,5,0,11,2,2,1,0,19,18,13,0,3,8,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,15,4,16,12,6,13,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,4,6,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679832700068207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923437536230216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737794468429096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939309435416558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528418350637743,0.0,0.0,0.1388258800246191,0.0,0.09387914232882558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371226344144836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096443128373578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408810764230313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778608643123463,0.18009377348417166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805199375489412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906197166539837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209076235293926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40915012169336296,0.0,0.19136099680444024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257031226168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302244347185969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276663960675928,0.0,0.0,0.2543670409181256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598416230666212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081441698856522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emalina,2019/03/08,"I’m sleeping in my car tonight to avoid the thoughts getting worse My headspace is very delicate tonight and I know if I face my judgmental roommates right now I might give into my suicidal thoughts.

I’m parked three streets away with a blanket in the back seat.",4.884599999999999,6.88037886,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,70.4,7.4,38.5,8.07648339933343,3.0014000000000007,213,13,42,3,4,61,38,50,0.191,0.78,0.029,-0.8522,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,9,9,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,7,0,6,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,4,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27996273869539245,0.229128815890184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568265159438022,0.2858503031625431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376243618849892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161105033418009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25447394612601243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29819596426418155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259425938983151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731268870471496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458653391182001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036678578838699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FelishNavidad,2019/03/08,"It didn’t get better This is my first post on reddit ever so here goes nothing.

I don’t really remember a time where I’ve been significantly happy. I’ve kind of always been stressed and depressed. I did have lows in high school but I could kind of easily get over it, even though they were consistent.

And then I got into uni. In architecture. The only place where I thought I belong. And everything just got worst. I’m to the point where I see NOTHING in myself. I can’t even try to feel good, nothing brings me joy. I feel like I’m stuck and I’m so overwhelmed and I just wanna end everything, I just wanna die. I even went to therapy and broke down while leaving the fourth time because he made me feel like I can’t get better. I can’t put into word the desperation I am in. I hate everything that I am and I just wish I could have a balanced lifestyle. I can’t. I’m so sad all the time, I’m tired all the time, hell I have trouble standing up. 

I just want all of this to end. I tried talking to people and it always makes me so frustrated and angry at myself because I can’t apply any advice people give to me. I feel like killing myself would be the only real thing that could liberate my soul. ",0.8160671256454393,3.092754036144584,2.80592512908778,90.78465361445784,84.94377510040161,5.6454962707974765,19.73623063683305,7.021680442328713,0.4020061962134247,941,27,200,13,28,315,124,249,0.254,0.636,0.111,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,3,18,22,4,2,9,0,22,1,0,2,4,39,47,17,2,8,6,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,7,12,0,1,11,5,35,10,22,31,4,33,2,5,1,0,4,18,1,0,13,131,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982216645452486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727233164909552,0.0,0.0,0.06835334746938047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254548544889195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777939198651612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075809121860756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657304308837015,0.0,0.10431824389174724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780521313988199,0.0,0.0,0.1991667563590699,0.09092117392521394,0.0,0.0,0.27100801545255576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032927262803248,0.21542286485956896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549763323582643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575441267629662,0.09642272476620133,0.0,0.08430684389683575,0.16078135133722465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069996179900628,0.0,0.09923731822960866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619915108312747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120446797089197,0.2093408929126768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643040569368746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473190102259869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951093068429799,0.06709424918884277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893392931226571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289170420675802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936827963298348,0.0,0.10501632157938763,0.0,0.09501874820772506,0.0,0.09626516351785687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010448949277792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440757451388525,0.06439220084371182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138634021347457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172610075505667,0.08009709051337939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513908867166756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078979576023629,0.0,0.0,0.11494715908602382,0.0,0.06677740722848917,0.0,0.09875504468380343,0.07979733291256283,0.2344433925931318,0.11552670022512415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648557633888836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059286091624851066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317800396631797,0.0,0.0,0.11558678324932095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714026593932057,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gottagetanediton,2019/03/08,"i'm just really tired. i'm trying, but i'm so tired. i was doing really good. i'm on meds. i'm in therapy. i'm working really hard. i have suspected DID. basically, we know,but my psych doesn't diagnose things due to not wanting to deal with insurance.

my boss was mean to me again, today. treated me like i was stupid. that's...honestly always a trigger, because it's always...something he didn't need to be so mean about. 

i think it was the michael jackson documentary, and my coworker bringing up that they just want money because there's no evidence.

i think this recent episode might have started a few months ago when the dentist did not believe me when i screamed in the chairat my first appointment in ten years. she was pulling my tooth (she had specifically told me that wasn't going to happen,but what's consent when you don't anesthesize a patient and they only have ibuprofen)?

she told me to stop being so dramatic.and that i was mistaking pain for pressure but then she looked at the (oh wow) live tooth on the tray and said 'maybe you were in pain. huh.'

i've been fighting but i just want someone to hold me while i'm crying and not get up until i stop. i don't think that's going to happen until heaven.

i don't want to do the pills thing. i don't. i've been sick with a systemic chronic disease that doctors are just now beginning to tap into, but it's been sixteen years. 

i'm just....i'm really tired. i'm so tired.

one of my favorites released a song today about his mom who died a couple years ago. he's the oldest of 7 and she had him when she was 18, so they were close. he left home for music at 16 and his life before that was love-filled but chaotic/ a bit unstable, and one of the lyrics in the song is 'we'll end just like we started, just you and me and no one else.' 

basically i feel that lyric on every level, but about one of my alters (the maternal one) and i want so so so so badly to go home now. i'm going to probably ask my doctor about the new ketamine treatment for suicidal episodes saturday, but otherwise, i've stopped caring about finally finding out if i have crohn's. my pediatrician strongly suspected i had it and i finalyl got a doctor to let me see a doctor. i have a referral for a colonoscopy and endoscopy now, but i'm scared the test is just going to come back clean for everything even though the pain is so bad.

let it be 'just something i'm making up to be dramatic and get attention'. whatever. i just want out, then. i want to die. i want to die a lot. it's coming over me like a blanket like it did the last time i had to go to the hospital. 

i want so badly to leave i can't really stand it. ",1.8574520636984069,3.84601025598527,3.6002903260751813,88.21387065323368,79.03683241252303,6.984422056115264,24.275051457046903,7.994972329748466,1.3595897085906177,2071,74,437,37,51,692,237,543,0.202,0.7070000000000001,0.091,-0.9975,0,0,2,0,2,2,72.0,3,3,3,3,37,22,2,2,28,1,47,20,2,3,0,74,99,43,4,12,21,1,2,4,0,2,18,4,3,0,20,23,0,4,10,2,1,10,13,12,0,7,26,8,60,10,55,65,3,70,1,0,2,0,29,20,0,3,42,280,80,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801590325258178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055389379340589934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223149928532393,0.0,0.0,0.05118619385826015,0.16674290493365487,0.08115769431904278,0.0,0.05664392373577421,0.0749986236857293,0.0,0.0,0.07267432055049587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786986394820935,0.0,0.0,0.11468377939443325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365552199120833,0.07312112344914122,0.0,0.06862802918734325,0.0,0.06756447309655272,0.2072592421986034,0.0,0.0,0.27253807048871165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560849077623381,0.0,0.058958926148878876,0.0,0.0,0.043967116024702206,0.0,0.05608587508775522,0.0,0.0598264543584017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03365845929841354,0.0,0.0,0.07292129333308885,0.0608413646081559,0.05662216570229086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955740031142288,0.0,0.22699060159863385,0.05583354654738543,0.05324000193165452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773060005716995,0.0,0.05963128286519038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354498706640358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658368229626315,0.05426128618215771,0.0,0.07048522677028653,0.0723256356187726,0.13613927926894082,0.04701849773256173,0.1300858061587905,0.0,0.05878020186829011,0.0,0.05589982023221898,0.0,0.0,0.05659319229123728,0.06007964485652908,0.0,0.04443423228760829,0.0,0.06687586426974253,0.14502274829278575,0.07394133472214952,0.0,0.0,0.07061745351331343,0.0,0.07796289202930581,0.053133434751734265,0.0,0.0,0.04935885683796837,0.0,0.06429117483362523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255388426778317,0.05062747986381154,0.21249710551898326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717708770819686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322378925104768,0.0,0.06572724107550064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332080681378438,0.0,0.06664554400488637,0.0,0.05304557049913194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640231138821116,0.10249361778931808,0.0,0.0,0.09423344553575816,0.0,0.0,0.16695989065493305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281389175397061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612558198919969,0.0,0.08844879733294106,0.12796103668760467,0.06540209702179607,0.0,0.0388159651934464,0.3060375692572882,0.12619615486334762,0.12721593771993495,0.0,0.04519487047154227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533684032057125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846183371119885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860159950753602
suicidewatch,mimi_jean,2019/03/08,"I'm Ready. I've been waffling about it, flip-flopping on methods, and being a pussy but, I'm ready. I'll form a better plan in the coming week and be gone this time next Friday",0.4247368421052649,2.437888578947369,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,84.26315789473685,3.8,17.394736842105264,3.1291,-0.9302842105263158,138,3,31,0,4,45,31,38,0.0,0.76,0.24,0.8338,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636425431806513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515813392899998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575290126593947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056851743192791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205090491326679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PaleItem,2019/03/08,"I am too tired to go on I hv suffered for 3 years non stop from benzos withdrawal. I can no longer go on, I must go tonight.",-2.11785714285714,-0.2880584999999982,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,98.28571428571428,4.228571428571429,17.714285714285715,5.985473137389443,-0.5435285714285718,94,3,25,1,4,32,22,28,0.355,0.608,0.037000000000000005,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,5,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7377020381722426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617378891805188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4972993088885208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27863022051949354
suicidewatch,Jnderwood,2019/03/08,Its Time I've lurked on here for quite sometime now and felt that my first post should be my last. I didn't think I'd make it past Christmas to be honest. I just want the pain to stop and quite frankly there's something calming and comforting knowing that I don't have to do this anymore.  I wish you all the best.,4.589545454545455,4.5891017424242415,4.254090909090909,93.95113636363637,69.45454545454545,7.206060606060608,28.62121212121212,5.985473137389443,0.8754666666666666,249,8,58,1,4,75,50,66,0.077,0.6859999999999999,0.237,0.8859999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,4,4,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,13,13,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,7,4,5,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830515076367376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521716875209879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23071805621196856,0.0,0.0,0.20439229974862846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320582295831169,0.19587009667560248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603968130180788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556876890186649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293859566925961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301333664151967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111603585500494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849885640162656,0.23765498725026096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089491805597876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396944666694948,0.0,0.0,0.14011623000372522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173048015127412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27632400517696737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skycake23,2019/03/08,History of suicidal ideation I actually got better...to the point I was extremely happy and uplifted other people. My father died and I was supporting people in their times of misery. Honestly I look at it as a high point in life in that it brought my family together and I uplifted them. In the end though I fell back into old patterns. I realized I was destined to be a tragedy not that anyone would care. I am back here...I just feel like killing myself is way easier than living out my life. I feel like it will suck for some people but not as much as it sucks for me to push through. Death is just the superior option for me personally and everyone around me will adapt. It will sucks for them but not as much as it would suck for me to keep on living. Sometimes things just are the way they should be no matter how sad it has to be. ,3.451002747252744,4.904121398809528,4.832142857142858,83.43593406593408,73.10714285714286,8.74065934065934,25.42307692307693,9.265573868473778,2.006988461538461,657,21,135,15,13,219,96,168,0.197,0.6990000000000001,0.104,-0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,4,0,9,13,5,0,6,0,17,2,0,1,0,26,29,13,4,3,8,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,5,3,22,7,27,15,3,22,0,1,1,0,6,12,4,2,7,103,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1431085662409887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254060308957412,0.0,0.0,0.13054897197545526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255285252359597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296993920164959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951873904309446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521988245632844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988775548220147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012969444424056,0.0,0.0,0.1382479123123708,0.0,0.14830058879364785,0.20953258409082232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728884503949147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611091098990748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494304123105887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303486394812693,0.1622457269211578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716548063328494,0.14329088473721574,0.0,0.258988044259286,0.0,0.12314848074890765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156082241801764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538837754297073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050044874733359,0.1280485156837699,0.0,0.0,0.2772619869578638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503991142177786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041053637858804,0.16641589225214826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742728125395393,0.0,0.14408219655391058,0.0,0.0855123884570255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328067830281469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083509159072069,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ghostboyisdead,2019/03/08,":) I'm almost turning 16 this year

I don't know how much longer i can stay this way 

It's always empty inside, i didn't belong anywhere and always felt myself as a burden to others

I don't wanna kill myself but i just can't help think its the only way 

I just want someone to talk to please help me :')

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suicidewatch,DoctorOktoberfest,2019/03/08,i think my internet friend just killed herself im scared and i dont kno what to do,-0.3189473684210533,1.5094910526315817,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,85.84210526315789,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.1712947368421056,66,2,17,1,2,22,16,19,0.327,0.531,0.142,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877301779925553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215200684356239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495184598886576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604134877915821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166434269508197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266655111194402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Garrett50Kal,2019/03/08,Dad told me to kill myself Brother got into his dream school today but Im graduating from community college and after his celebration my dad told me that he cant wait until I turn 21 so I can get a gun and kill myself. Boy I cant wait to make his day in a few months.,1.2344067796610148,2.6200826101694936,4.212,85.88172881355933,78.83050847457628,6.753898305084746,20.274576271186444,7.554174236665415,0.52067186440678,210,5,48,3,5,76,43,59,0.21,0.7659999999999999,0.024,-0.9245,0,0,0,1,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,11,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,7,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,29,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524311233033825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386632638685775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204925527507082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27676560220807644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5669472005439808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103133284254124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045153409036304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593120991344991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24287014149562836,0.4896655183828164,0.0,0.0,0.2786978473780793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kerleysmashed,2019/03/08,Tough night. I go make my statement to the cops tomorrow. I just want a way out. One that's socially acceptable and won't hurt anybody else. I wish that this type of pain met the criteria for a medically induced coma. ,0.9933333333333324,3.5901423255813967,3.121279069767444,85.44920542635661,90.86046511627909,7.517829457364342,25.77131782945737,8.344100000000001,2.4007085271317843,172,8,34,5,6,58,38,43,0.109,0.684,0.207,0.5067,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,9,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,4,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,19,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271907758745822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498525697394844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484471468925693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217269203754015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279001029462304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054532698428849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056258088149885,0.0,0.3463476583947337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317992740189087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198429189905855,0.25836131038574944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743010565687057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,demonmuffin505,2019/03/08,Please Happen I live in a bad neighborhood and not too long ago someone was shot and killed in the middle of the day a few houses down. Why couldn't have been me? I beg for it to be me so I won't have to feel so guilty for taking my own life. Feels like guilt is the only thing keeping me from taking the jump into the unknown.,2.586197183098591,3.2333594507042283,3.742366197183099,93.52340845070424,74.2112676056338,6.243380281690143,19.833802816901407,5.6839178017228535,-0.26090084507042244,255,4,60,1,5,83,54,71,0.179,0.758,0.063,-0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,7,0,8,1,0,0,0,8,14,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,7,1,10,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224601504639624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954041332858847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184789478100126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537849802796447,0.17928527173760633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192235352278808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28957317248654185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306402941030928,0.2776491242690624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725987416778655,0.12260596755919548,0.0,0.221601533209226,0.22209095651375474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086574737321865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27547779250863685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263687913454535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37738010727115856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672611250477495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645160478145826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,revenali,2019/03/08,"Is it even worth it? I'm so tired of everything. All I want to do is sleep, but nobody else gets it. I don't understand how it's so easy for other people to keep going. ",-0.6907894736842088,1.0452922894736858,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,86.63157894736842,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.3392315789473685,129,2,32,2,4,46,29,38,0.061,0.742,0.197,0.6532,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,6,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30377040715184195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401775079611434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32681171787294483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899842948269241,0.0,0.20666216766765166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232155229128741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520987440599854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638976431270536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179449744065807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785568907757296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448136230438192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheFram,2019/03/08,"Fuck My boyfriend who was also my absolute best friend in the world broke up with me Saturday. Not getting into the details but I don’t think it should have happened. Tuesday was supposed to be our 2 year anniversary. Today is my 21st birthday and everyone feels sorry for me for being too depressed to go out and cancelling the plans I was looking forward to for months.  I had to stop smoking weed last Friday for a school-related drug test and every single fucking dream I’ve had this week involve me attempting suicide, which I never thought about until these repetitive manipulative horrible fucking night terrors. Stop the “feel better, enjoy your birthday.” Stop the series of unfortunate events. Stop the potential for all this fucked up shit. Ive  had enough and don’t want to see it through the end of today. Sure people love me but they don’t make me happy so why should I live to please others? Everyone tells me I let others walk all over me so maybe this is me standing up for myself.",4.219732620320855,6.663886053475938,4.538502673796792,82.11598930481286,73.49197860962568,6.966844919786098,28.64705882352941,7.928766900206844,2.0815796791443857,800,33,138,12,17,251,125,187,0.248,0.611,0.141,-0.9813,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,1,1,1,4,5,15,5,1,8,0,18,7,1,2,4,27,34,10,1,3,3,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,4,4,1,0,3,5,8,0,0,7,4,22,7,25,22,5,30,0,2,2,5,8,9,5,0,19,99,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095699237766972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324849103593679,0.11165223948221624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108733461154776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640254136314754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118143929237681,0.13044342598375944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636571057451134,0.2412624139466777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766515399884135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753552221452247,0.466840839415236,0.06595709078501559,0.0,0.07174716924417948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116368329089192,0.13438870104661116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029054151766667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909267399220944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147544599511633,0.0,0.10601286136097968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393981294274515,0.0,0.08426860923020886,0.0,0.12682870352305028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076646809539597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736687695448644,0.0,0.0,0.11847110308197073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752144362196211,0.0,0.0,0.1385776052039151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776530234227929,0.10059983534432412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958728110955278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131941797348438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42218133957776255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138090050730037,0.0,0.11898313558390455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034250476840922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089182628027791,0.0,0.10022334769549601,0.0,0.0,0.2393284166968729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744617690535498,0.0,0.10126503218645752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391524812009687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129676435903069
suicidewatch,throwaway_tooclose,2019/03/08,"Back here after like what... three months? Weird. I thought I was gone for longer and was pretty proud of myself at times that I didn't feel the need to come here and vent. Guess it wasn't that long of a time after all and there's not much to be proud about anyway. This is going to be a rant, by the way, so don't expect much structure or logic. I don't expect people to read this post that closely or try to actually understand anyway.

Whatever. I just wanted to talk about how fucking tired I am of life. I just got into really good grad schools, but not for something that I'm really interested in or good at. This terrifies me because I'll be competing against people some of whom are going to be some of the brightest minds in the country fueled by motivation. The only reason I decided to go this route is that it'll help me make good money, which is at least better than just languishing in poverty.

I don't have friends. Don't need them, don't want them. Nobody to care about, live up to, or to be disappointed by. My family's literally the only reason I haven't killed myself. That's all changing because I'm just so fucking tired of my family too now.

I'm the youngest of my family. The ramblings in the post may not be good evidence but I'm probably the most intelligent out of my family. This leads to me noticing a lot of things that my family should be doing differently to be more efficient. You know, ""make a webpage for the family business and prepare for the online commerce era,"" or ""get out of this town because the economy here is going to die in 10 years."" I've given them these kinds of predictions/suggestions a good 5-10 years ahead of them actually happening, yet they discount everything I say because I'm the youngest in my family. Even after seeing everything actually unfolding the way I told them they would, they still completely ignore what I say. When confronted about how they never take my words seriously, they say they do take me seriously, but we all know they don't. 

Back in my teenage years, they were so unreasonably confident in their ignorance that they kept me from visiting a dermatologist for severe cystic acne, which I knew was different from anything I've ever had, but they thought they knew everything and I ended up having severe scars all over my face. This had profound impact on my self esteem and they're still so nonchalant about this.

Really, I just want to die. I don't want to go to school to study something I don't want to, just to work in a field that I don't care about, to toil away just to pay for rent and paltry entertainment that really amounts to nothing. I've given up on any kind of grand dreams or aspirations at this point, and I don't want any of it back. I just want to die and end this constant gamble where I'm supposed to cling onto some tiny pointless speck of hope, just to be massively disappointed time and time again through this sick game that's been rigged from the start.",6.491846443711729,6.41817529879102,6.986060606060607,76.22636363636364,65.44214162348878,10.610582509028106,31.01695713612812,10.300263719432786,2.9739886010362686,2354,78,455,52,33,772,253,579,0.131,0.731,0.138,0.913,4,0,2,0,0,2,59.0,1,1,17,8,40,29,4,0,23,0,43,7,1,8,6,88,92,27,4,14,22,0,1,1,1,4,4,3,1,1,32,16,0,3,13,4,5,9,17,11,0,1,19,5,57,18,90,60,14,70,0,2,1,2,30,28,2,14,30,316,89,9,0.0,0.0,0.18723279183207406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698329246447982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262957996399372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600879011628053,0.14753252208044546,0.0,0.15594568804077386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656306933967406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304129290444097,0.0,0.06765599250643768,0.05509163682766437,0.06705568260878124,0.0691127189860971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991258216405908,0.13363888897432127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329043267650747,0.0,0.0,0.04224172592118552,0.05785102965362057,0.0,0.0,0.1724361010913749,0.0,0.42203809054376096,0.0,0.03233760913074564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941153470531217,0.11825087832045468,0.0334138886673226,0.0,0.1817357236945633,0.2682124259796028,0.051150718377270914,0.0,0.0704537289044939,0.0,0.05655526436345746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286774074624571,0.0,0.0,0.06352182316261358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075681820266415,0.13319874437133958,0.07029607672598953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517336304998658,0.031245220671903932,0.0,0.05647350568814311,0.05659823158408767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054372320359340316,0.0,0.0,0.08538102252405601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457639735420277,0.0,0.051048333185486766,0.0,0.0940286823623369,0.09484376010294003,0.04932609894888253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136662233069625,0.07281328032694304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728143766745732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867679694120098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060458220928124425,0.0,0.12250257203812424,0.06506530671001154,0.06895439121174758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397238526883922,0.0,0.16388504281898272,0.13151294401378846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152578935261144,0.0,0.12945190690495434,0.050963916966906234,0.0,0.06671909455968163,0.14450206836463564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847148739286553,0.0,0.0,0.045267733465779655,0.0,0.10214921599582392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617251887173556,0.051404669214673064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248891208713168,0.0,0.0,0.1015463763457703,0.1491708814511852,0.14701390824552904,0.0,0.06111181787489661,0.0,0.04342129991946178,0.0,0.0,0.0665794918161595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640565346439921,0.10152912828992068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656005857005482,0.0,0.0,0.04543185253306763,0.0,0.0,0.12355492037211
suicidewatch,felipe97fm,2019/03/08,"I’m thinking about doing it, just need some opinion. I’m thinking about finally doing it.

I have a small gasoline powered generator, do you guys think i can do it if i turn it on inside my car?",3.0169166666666705,4.176587525000002,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,73.75,7.333333333333335,30.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.1390833333333332,151,7,30,2,3,53,28,40,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,13,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971397792397132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589670158316548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688153845354327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6968940831763983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943343798873528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rowanmonroe,2019/03/08,"Here’s my story I have CPTSD from physical and mental abuse because of my narcissistic father while witnessing him do the same thing to my mom. I was sexually abused by his friend/acquaintance, too. I reported all of this to my school counselor about 3 years ago (I’m 15). Although CPS didn’t do anything about the abuse from lack of evidence and my father’s lying, I was able to get therapy to process my trauma.  

My mother will not leave my father even when she had the opportunity to press charges on him once. So my father visits from another state because he could no longer get a job in my current state. Even if she claims to completely understand how my father is a big trigger for my PTSD she still encourages me to have a relationship with him. Because of this, I cannot forgive her, which prevents us from having the close relationship she wants us to have. When I try to talk to her, she shuts me down anyways. The rest of my siblings kiss my father’s ass. I don’t blame them. Trauma bonding, I guess. But why am I the only one who takes a stand against him?! 

In my family, I’ve always been the black sheep and outcast. The most hurtful thing I have been called by my younger sister is “mental”-while ironically, I feel as if I’m the most sane in the household because I can see the bullshit.

I have no where else to live. He doesn’t physically abuse us anymore but still does emotionally and psychologically. I progress in my mental health, then he comes home for a visit and it’s all severely fucked up again. Even if I leave when I’m 18, the Ptsd and all the other disorders will still be there most likely life long. It’s very exhausting. 

I’ve been admitted to the mental hospital 4 times. Even there I feel like an outcast and weirdo. It’s indescribably isolating. 
“Draw and color and breath when you feel upset” they say, and send you back home. My social anxiety is usually always the most severe in the entire hospital the psychiatrist usually says. 

I also suffer from chronic depression and OCD, too. I’ve been suicidal since I was 9. I’ve had these for as long as I can remember.  I’ve never had a single friend in real life. I’m far from an asshole. I just either lack social skills or, while I have a lot of empathy, really don’t care about people at the moment. 

I don’t fucking care about school and my current special education case worker, school counselor and school director ramble on about how much “potential” I have, how I’m not using it and it makes me feel terrible about myself. I told them to stop but they keep saying this shit. They don’t fucking understand how I ruminate about school 24/7, worrying about the lowest grade I have, a C+. They just think that I’m just “being a slacker”.
In middle school, old my case worker, principal and counselor were amazing and I’m forever grateful for there efforts to keep me alive and comfortable. 

But I’m so fucking tired of being here. I should have really killed myself the first time I said I would. I’m embarrassed of my entire self. I’m a loser to my family. I know this because they’ve told me. I hate everything about myself. I know they will get relief from my death. Even if they don’t want to admit it. Everyone who’s not my online friend will at least. I only care about my online friends, and it makes me want to cry for hurting them the way I will soon. But I don’t want to do this anymore. 

Life is a fucking joke. Mine is at least. Do I actually want to do this? Nope, but I’d rather commit completely to death then just exist. And  committing completely to life? Too much work I’m not willing to put the little energy I have into.  
I don’t know when I’ll die yet but I know what method I’ll use (which I’m not saying here). 
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suicidewatch,AmySkye61636,2019/03/08,"My last goodbye After living this horrible excuse i have of a life when i got no friends my life partner decided she was done with me and left me here alone and broken.im finally gonna just end it cause lets face it things from wheni was younger no one actually liked me i had to quit school due to constant bullying to now i have no one to turn to the person ive been with for 7 years left me here rot and has been the last straw to give people context i was born male at birth but delt with gender dysphoria my whole life till i felt confident enough to transition however was the best thing in my life cause i could actually look at myself in the mirror for the first time without feeling like i was seeing my old self now met my life partner on my 20th birthday 7 years ago and saved me from what was the day i decided to end it all but fast forward 7 years now im looking back into these old thought and wonder why i didnt do it sooner :'( now i have injested a bunch of prescription pills and had my last drink said goodbye to everyone now i thought id just share my story before i jump off this bridge,this is my last goodbye

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suicidewatch,auevi,2019/03/09,"Loneliness is killing me and I just want a friend I spend my days being alone. I don’t have any friends and I have a constant feeling of loneliness and sadness. I am scared. I lay in bed wishing I could have someone to talk to. It’s my fault, I am so scared of being hurt as badly as I was before. Sometimes I feel like I’ll just kill myself out of boredom. I feel like my brain will be taken over by my loneliness and decide to kill me. I lay feeling like I’m not in my body and that I shouldn’t be alive. I look into the mirror and see myself dead. I’ve forgotten how to make friends, although I try constantly. I am friendly and helpful, yet nobody wants to be my friend. I wish someone would be my friend because I have so much love to give. I care so much about people yet they always hurt me. ",1.5801785714285683,3.291923803571432,3.1065714285714314,92.73842857142859,78.82142857142857,5.67047619047619,23.7,6.42735559955562,0.5281757142857142,621,21,137,5,15,204,93,168,0.259,0.508,0.233,-0.8598,0,1,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,9,21,3,2,3,0,20,3,2,2,0,26,36,14,4,7,3,0,4,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,10,0,0,2,6,32,11,18,24,2,10,0,3,2,1,11,5,0,0,8,94,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303810812530105,0.0,0.0,0.09081481618710753,0.0,0.0,0.07422024461555768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911289398938222,0.06653189816799662,0.0,0.09287173070760904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123206292186416,0.0,0.12183847217699055,0.0,0.0,0.1112774559397145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588727277892416,0.0,0.08714093791053633,0.0,0.0,0.07038750588083934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074172563162794,0.2339130169568321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059366352437348,0.0,0.0,0.10469886967645414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315552479464751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336773539753288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622480736077997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996367961924032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165172023440936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850483918013654,0.0,0.07285307554723372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046373063335276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566526138784313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854019310370854,0.0,0.08697197534561893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495118025252252,0.0,0.10794414436631376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772413679449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410019580171615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874945809107402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25101563111983755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753128475147535,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckoffshutup,2019/03/09,"Why would anyone want to live in a world where you get rewarded for taking advantage of people?? I mean, other than assholes who dont give a shit about anyone else (and are good at taking advantage of people), who would want this?

Why the fuck should I keep participating when everyone who isnt ignoring me is trying to get something out of me for their own gain? 

I mean I can't even make a living without some rich assholes taking 25% and using it to drop bombs somewhere. 

And that 25% is out of my minimum wage, doing the hard work that's making some douchebag boss rich who doesnt do jack shit.

I DONT FUCKING WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE!  

I just want to die
",6.731525974025978,6.015944598484854,6.961255411255414,78.74045454545458,65.13636363636363,9.967099567099568,30.220779220779214,9.23628265651192,2.3481415584415597,525,15,104,8,7,170,83,132,0.205,0.614,0.181,-0.8353,1,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,6,5,12,4,0,5,0,13,4,2,4,0,24,32,4,1,7,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,6,5,0,0,0,1,11,7,19,29,3,8,0,0,0,2,7,6,4,2,1,67,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951809117963838,0.13152987874431768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332274320715571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30089655275777005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723637241315392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478694462199603,0.0,0.0,0.12266270387663525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23735134995112425,0.13413569006757625,0.1231438675987893,0.0,0.10767037384264892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149939940383825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141008451408236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22670550953928376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137547935478306,0.0,0.0,0.2796643682865569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669860608514614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26353920660733315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988252298687107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860720107388483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715456746619514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087016350924914,0.0,0.0,0.30286298733841394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316672890502891,0.0,0.0,0.12374376387836745,0.0,0.09345463570645077,0.0,0.0,0.18238023569316256,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CloversBlue,2019/03/09,"I think I might have been using a fish to stick around. I know, it’s ridiculous but I think that might have been the case. I’m walking screw up. And more often than not, I just don’t want to be here anymore. I tried opting out once but I fucked that up badly. It’s been a few years but the ideas still hanging around in my head.  Then I got this fish about a year ago. He was one of those betta fish you see in the Walmart. He was thrashing around in this tiny cup of dirty water. I don’t know why but I took him home. He didn’t change anything. I still needed to go. But every time I thought about buying some sleeping pills, I’d end up thinking about that fish.  After I died, who would take care of him? He’d starve before anyone found my body. And if someone did find him in time, they wouldn’t care. He was a fish. They’d probably flush him or something.  I know it’s stupid but that didn’t sit well with me. Then, of course, I fucked up.  I was cleaning his tank so I had to put him in a cup of water. Then I put the cup in the living room. The table I use when I clean the tank is kind of small and there wasn’t enough room for his cup. I’d been caring for him for about a year and I didn’t even think to cover the cup. At some point, he flopped out of it. I came into the living room and found him stiff on the carpet. 
He’s gone. I’ve got no reason to stay. So why am I still here? I should go.  But I’m still dragging my feet. ",-0.9643589743589728,1.0476443312101935,0.7028662420382155,104.36358566062391,91.35668789808918,3.3479013555446677,13.146823452555935,4.043871514137232,-1.7118192715988894,1096,16,279,1,39,350,151,314,0.133,0.805,0.062,-0.9729,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,2,0,21,11,5,0,16,0,28,11,4,3,0,50,58,20,1,6,11,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,7,0,12,13,2,1,13,0,1,9,9,6,1,1,22,1,41,5,41,28,5,50,0,0,1,3,20,23,3,7,16,175,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764551930890184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980560862566745,0.06913475049380803,0.0,0.08136458405762267,0.26405551555598084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255536240573194,0.0,0.0,0.08413418826936198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982632851177804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308510797698818,0.3024248075329724,0.0,0.1045952046939767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261523186519447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757270092919675,0.1021629043735331,0.0,0.06530510906233246,0.0,0.08330530907245283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903687189536027,0.0,0.0,0.21681969351130512,0.0,0.18281418045849507,0.0,0.0,0.1123843403419563,0.0,0.15815657004530756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147288332464637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991783261403752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161630862173468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296168466655242,0.16301510617050086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461447739978775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977862185912435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331355386567934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529720348942936,0.06699933973651075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346755193649883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066025106742025,0.0,0.0,0.19879064169385546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016585729469626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787894926920652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894504890850413,0.0,0.0837753173190921,0.07611776133058037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053861484627363,0.31584247782325553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434067496953323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25341695376511786,0.0,0.07849462868205496,0.1153080333444448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985225601232004,0.06712871373104913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079016473608827,0.0,0.0,0.05831823669097005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889927979473272,0.0,0.17843616897688208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023699955137913,0.0,0.0,0.19101415423089316
suicidewatch,Thelatestplague2020,2019/03/09,"How do I reply I already know I'm fucked up and emotionless. I know I'm down and everything is fucked up. That's what I been trying to tell u that I'm keeping in. I dont need u to yell at me and tell me when I already know. It helps nothing. It's like yelling at someone for something they cant help. That's disgusting. I didnt say u said that I told u I'm trying to get on the right road to do shit. I'm choosing to pay u. Not people. U.  It's a fucking xbox its material. It doesnt change the fact that u bought it if I sell it. How the fuck am i gonna have compassion and not be cold when everything around me is fucking crumbling I've been voicing myself for the past year how fucked I've been and nothings changing. U dont go thru what i go thru. Not even fucking close. And no I'm not gonna sit here and explain it to u. U know the shit i have to deal with. Its fucking disgusting and i have nobody and nothing to help me cope. When i try and voice myself we fucking fight. When i dont we fight. Wh!
 en i pretend to be happy I'm fucking dying inside and when i show how i am when were together u get fucking upset about it so what am I suppose to do? Fucking nothing. Just how its gonna be forever. My life is spiraling out of control but it doesnt matter cuz ur upset by it.


My boyfriend of two years wrote this to me. I still haven't replied. Idk how to reply. I feel so anxious and depressed and I don't know how to take a step and say something or just ignore this. He told me he was selling the Xbox I got him. I told him how fucked up and cold and emotions less he is for selling a meaningful gift I got him. Please give me advice please someone tell me how to reply or if I should ",-0.3719366781565192,1.6126495013404851,1.951319417847568,96.89053842716713,87.49865951742628,4.732005617260309,21.213392059236558,6.052691113681939,0.03606145793437987,1316,46,313,11,42,445,156,373,0.147,0.785,0.067,-0.9764,0,0,2,0,3,0,32.0,2,0,1,1,24,25,19,2,9,0,31,16,2,11,1,60,77,39,1,4,11,0,1,1,0,4,1,7,0,0,23,22,0,3,9,4,5,3,14,23,0,1,14,10,44,2,34,56,1,27,0,1,0,13,28,13,15,4,11,192,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098034157970907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772844926329705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049861291569233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555267655714915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203004444483427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999124886779423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433565198907236,0.053748363597438786,0.0,0.06476536693779615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941062002014708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701959567796359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121716897634711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216915283506647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03155327275973201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7499878645060944,0.06520689509361,0.05986348041964299,0.07093111722313188,0.0,0.09982015443929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643008224449858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548400015204647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055467428806171136,0.0,0.0,0.17147768051637746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407770036515867,0.030487379766157407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627168044469543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951279328228706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059571557063650575,0.04326298753306389,0.0,0.0,0.13700142406687651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053292565803442535,0.05936037270891385,0.09925212760203747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811335588343534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574919664225088,0.09608309903806278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983581286849904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04691994556061936,0.0,0.16363120432915831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788887221488798,0.0,0.12710439857208908,0.0,0.06095951540330127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803720952806726
suicidewatch,throwawayran12344321,2019/03/09,"So. Fucking. Conflicted. I'm a 30 year old male and I've been depressed since, at least, the age of 15. My whole life I've never really been alone, living with parents, roommates, SO, what have you. 

A little over a year ago my gf and I broke up so I moved into an apartment on my own and really loved it at the start. I would likely still be happy with it if I hadn't burnt all of my bridges and isolated myself in the years prior to us parting ways. In the 5 years we spent together I realized how much of an introvert I am and turned to cannabis as an alternative to people because I enjoy alone time so much more than crowds and groups.

This is where the problem really starts. I have built a career and life that I am comfortable with but having nobody to spend it with, confide in, talk about my day/problems/dreams with. If the dating apps (4) that I've tried are any indication about the life I'm in for (0 dates in over a year) then I dont think I want to keep going. 

Do I carry on going through the motions smoking weed, playing video games and going to work or just give up and welcome the long sleep? I've never really wanted to be alive in the first place. I'm so tired of being tired and sad all the damn time. Not to mention the anxiety on a daily basis. I'd like for it to just end already.

I've got the means and the smarts to follow through with it just not the courage but I'm not sure if that's going to be the case much longer. Every day I get more and more depressed and fear that the end is imminent. ",2.0399266247379444,3.6348141666666685,3.5121383647798763,90.85980083857443,77.1446540880503,6.472117400419288,21.840670859538783,7.2427474758485975,0.5674205450733756,1187,32,261,14,27,391,171,318,0.133,0.7809999999999999,0.086,-0.9552,1,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,1,0,2,13,19,2,1,26,0,18,8,1,1,5,48,41,27,0,7,12,1,0,2,1,1,5,0,0,1,11,21,0,2,3,3,2,7,7,8,0,1,5,0,22,11,45,31,12,52,0,4,0,2,14,20,2,4,26,171,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294524490429486,0.0,0.0,0.2171907392471055,0.11570712955501593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130316520020508,0.0,0.08021172887562661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391699395129029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524212930982088,0.0,0.18061827903833835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288612445825288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573604672493654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834259200721846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179879975431094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918731989785211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693426947934684,0.05478100348064609,0.10058388839168687,0.2383599325751232,0.0,0.08385996940856369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161723193325608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319754931226948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221808586643705,0.10245108310635163,0.10508955863191594,0.09258650923476444,0.09279099335835428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463330197120688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421490227396115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114414100969431,0.23123553324141505,0.0,0.1617371282408086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100248595308829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642607996137308,0.1135448321336718,0.0,0.07269138845607051,0.0,0.10954834552393003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003294984539644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686842944404861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673491296071906,0.0,0.10492803140860957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843000700933015,0.0,0.08373518887200036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882205972069424,0.0,0.0,0.08427631369719614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718512542433804,0.0,0.0,0.12228044836906453,0.2410246080450304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118783466673986,0.11404920235986996,0.0,0.0,0.1261244167913759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368921616003968,0.08322688187556547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706385775363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763337292459362,0.0,0.0,0.07448407147474947,0.0,0.0,0.3376072442183194
suicidewatch,Quasimodosuicide,2019/03/09,You know you’re getting to the end when... For the past month I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’ll get another to chance to fix everything if I kill myself. Maybe it’s just like a reset? I understand why people cling to the afterlife now.,3.283200000000001,4.8812295200000015,4.625,84.1675,73.8,8.200000000000001,24.5,8.841846274778883,1.7687999999999997,196,6,39,4,4,65,39,50,0.094,0.777,0.129,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,6,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31694627697217354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677129083832269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716520659501302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158370607009687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344062361041099,0.0,0.16611435496924853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766911382598474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036610958463859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24126128610040296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885416558686477,0.20954923248484147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521490142794724,0.0,0.0,0.31466362995853275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727429053272217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dr_Adagio,2019/03/09,"Ever since being my accident, I have heard creepy voices. Long story short, I was hit by a delivery car when I was 9 while riding my motor scooter. The ER visit was terrifying. I had spasms for two hours before they put me under for surgery. I guess it traumatized me or something, because I hear voices when I am alone and don’t have music. I guess I’m just looking for help.",3.346,4.959627533333332,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,73.66666666666666,7.133333333333333,24.5,7.793537801064563,1.3617999999999997,295,9,56,4,6,99,57,75,0.159,0.8029999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.8316,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,6,16,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,5,5,13,0,5,9,0,12,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,6,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26512580127207336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604757638361366,0.0,0.2178264695662208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315553083169239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5639980832229166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885164660265001,0.0,0.17158299488841774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25209607811436496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654084193687074,0.21496498984374665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25733809616336883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117554678131208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707164902858407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500625467909381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darkmarefire,2019/03/09,"im sleeping at a friends house who’s always helped me, i just had a good day with good people and for some fucking reason i really want to die right now. everything takes so much work. i cant know if shits still worth it. i hate myself so much and my brain is a fucking dick.  ",3.1085593220338983,3.619854389830511,4.162500000000001,91.4908686440678,72.89830508474577,7.255932203389831,23.224576271186447,7.1686216300943375,0.5750983050847451,215,5,50,2,4,70,48,59,0.172,0.6,0.228,0.1911,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,4,0,3,0,3,6,4,1,0,9,9,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,4,8,3,5,0,0,0,3,3,2,4,2,3,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890619292725229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22660699378709914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091350230211612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067438057329066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824367552464802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683166122984607,0.3753269717180328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405213019974946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004132716178832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606173203281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342263285799499,0.0,0.0,0.21926695637020752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115594825846647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984459913274749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072958328225255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300423254879305,0.20871031031437254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173354661922705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083690957841017,0.0,0.0,0.20313930505928549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211023735141256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526252522742576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973035744963262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778110771199324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthepotato3,2019/03/09,"Staying alive because it is the default I don't have a reason to continue living. At the moment it is just easier than trying to find a good way to kill myself. No one needs me, no one ever will.   

This year I'll graduate (unless I fail the exams in which case I die anyways cause I can't financially support myself for another year of university)... this means next year I'll start working a 70h/week job. I am supposed to be happy to have gotten it, but in reality I dread the hours and mainly having to talk to people, having to pretend to be normal and ok and happy for those hours.   

Right now I don't really talk to anyone irl, I just study and read, go outside to walk through town or buy groceries. I look at the people who have friends and family and wonder what that is like. It is ok during the day and at night I want to die.  ",3.5985087719298257,4.473206467836256,5.355804093567251,82.04493421052629,72.04093567251464,7.805263157894737,24.77631578947368,8.07648339933343,1.386196491228069,650,18,131,9,12,223,105,171,0.127,0.723,0.15,0.6335,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,1,1,9,2,16,0,0,2,1,21,25,10,3,3,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,4,2,1,2,5,3,0,2,1,1,13,8,23,21,1,24,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,2,14,91,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988371168653378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099946076988189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871341174154907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683744041806798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092183649811374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966956498983289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929625624858915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347499046339576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306434011455604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043410102026184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812353689848784,0.11989021722224127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304321852190862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815316941084954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184462446555018,0.0,0.158140516295788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983263880914123,0.0,0.12621750911659574,0.0,0.12003252533200945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557021707391673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598725021207966,0.0,0.0,0.15201695104447374,0.13413830642092145,0.14004959749949847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937179528278729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819142250817406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297740192487038,0.0,0.09157020462084396,0.14696481126631902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206888645430013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117276219677407,0.15235365763978173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220516632384135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22977745851541176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704600859566914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430896086987627,0.11345810322364673,0.11465681979641072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501094521666298,0.1040610910448396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761435490579304
suicidewatch,KKPD4416,2019/03/09,"Being with you makes me so suicidal It’s been a long time since I’ve truly felt this way being with you but somehow we always end up at this spot. I hurt myself again, bruised my arm again, going to hide it from you... again. You make me feel so invalidated and stupid. I warn my friends from getting into relationships like mine but they don’t know, some get little bits when I’m real angry at you and we have drama when I’m with them and I have to excuse myself to text you all day and night to tell you what we are doing, what we are talking about, when I’m taking a shit (not really but you get it). I’m tired of you, I wish you broke up with me I wish you finally did it but again just words making me feel bad “I can’t be with you anymore” so when I say “break up with me then” you put it on me like it was my idea and that I’m ruining us, YOU SAID YOU CANT DO THIS ANYMORE so stop torturing me and break up with me. I’m not strong enough to do it because I’m so scared of being alone but I need you to do it for me. You clearly want to so why do you keep stringing me along when you’re just as lonely and are just dealing with me until you find someone better. Of course you just texted me one last time after we’ve said goodnight to argue with me some more, I hate you, I’ve begun to resent you so much you have no idea, I want to die because of you I want to tell everyone how much you’re hurting me and killing me but I can’t because everyone would just tell me why don’t I just leave. No one knows how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship until they’re in one. I knew the signs, the red flags, but the deeper we got the more I chose to ignore them. I blame myself for letting it get this deep. You would of left me. So long ago if I didn’t threaten to kill myself im so sorry that was so shitty but I regret it because it made you feel like shit, made me feel like shit, and now you feel stuck with me even though I told you I wouldn’t threaten to kill myself ever again and I haven’t. I wouldn’t kill myself anymore if you left me, I’ll end up killing myself for staying. ",2.469748626373626,3.0790319604395613,3.8559718406593433,92.74230940934069,74.45054945054945,6.56662087912088,21.691277472527474,6.322622252153567,0.10835302197802266,1622,34,388,10,32,536,185,455,0.304,0.625,0.07,-0.9993,0,3,0,1,0,7,34.0,6,29,3,2,34,29,13,1,7,0,32,5,4,7,3,87,72,42,7,13,18,0,7,4,1,4,1,3,0,0,20,27,0,3,12,1,0,2,13,22,0,3,14,11,91,7,51,49,9,49,0,6,1,0,52,14,3,5,33,270,111,0,0.0,0.08687825524732302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499827843032148,0.0,0.0,0.075942691617021,0.0,0.0,0.06101235852522442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815639338627146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122339708721261,0.17879320555034298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485009370930768,0.0800520199682872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047288624530715945,0.07559496010798154,0.0,0.0,0.07609987897337356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298885520394898,0.07576443104087772,0.0,0.048430538095116,0.06632675238480704,0.0,0.1401305538118461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853768728382008,0.10476693454133534,0.07040359649661783,0.08032406475623978,0.06701781451297939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566507916449406,0.0,0.15323735692315812,0.0,0.04167234504600946,0.0,0.05864478216598031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656848885617305,0.07239335733788001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699207572687415,0.16555022920432053,0.07920369243391645,0.0,0.0,0.06517471943250096,0.405616804797112,0.0,0.08059511650085735,0.059769744416680315,0.0,0.15528139067949578,0.1593358749807684,0.07497988436598542,0.0,0.14329176349132286,0.07349101504988591,0.0,0.1297808151098589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876396821831108,0.14683522419277134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780477321592626,0.0543696337753778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881064072104492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906095964220456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371197968843081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346001858676476,0.0469739377142956,0.0,0.0,0.1574474360402877,0.0,0.0,0.1394979258992339,0.05831106388711752,0.07341121842026119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258014894048075,0.06065528180656835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062128120680115875,0.0,0.0,0.08208144808403058,0.0,0.07815480214496724,0.0,0.06130306826111567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020576006083881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055131351020211015,0.058935939201751976,0.19226811233349644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204154008043151,0.0,0.08551291287532818,0.08427641778985766,0.0,0.07006527690592305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820106900475712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974713422526546,0.05820205268817912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232899850045501,0.0,0.168640496389544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417609682614372,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BunnyGal20,2019/03/09,"Feeling alone in a crowded room I've never felt so alone and unwanted. Its so obvious, and I want to pretend its in my head but it isn't. Its me. This sucks. I just want to have a connection with someone. I feel like that's impossible. Maybe it would be better if I wasnt here.   ",-0.5789406779661022,1.6139371016949156,2.08625,93.24090042372885,93.23728813559322,5.661864406779661,20.934322033898304,7.1686216300943375,0.7128457627118645,215,8,49,4,8,74,45,59,0.152,0.655,0.193,0.5339,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,2,15,11,6,0,5,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,6,2,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5736643336800812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449359181555708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800640798267117,0.19785002485311373,0.2659112510561939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28422613163743043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135301653580497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782291254520421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359755536821265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346551471502376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32669943487383896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673424097391,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gorgonopsia,2019/03/09,"PTSD voices just too loud I don't want to live like this. If I could get high they would go away, but I have nothing. I don't think my brain knows how to be happy on its own. ",-0.7692499999999995,0.7909725750000014,0.995000000000001,105.74,85.75,4.0,12.5,3.1291,-1.9035,133,1,37,0,4,43,34,40,0.029,0.797,0.175,0.7709999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,1,0,9,11,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,4,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901879785135317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447944704712296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24660284232375546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136873844827535,0.0,0.1755345793813942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32879156572079754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263318675220302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974362565332993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089539240890515,0.0,0.2727326489705866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29636342321391057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610455912673469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979076366508121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217604190523154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194081868656879,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeachfuzzMJ,2019/03/09,"I did something wrong and now i have to pay..... So....for the past 6 months i have been dealing with people who have been harassing me. threatening me and they made false accusations about me and posted them online. saying i was a pedophile and i should be attacked.....ive reported it to the authorities multiple multiple times. but nothing.. i have evidence ive been harassed and intimidated and threatened constantly...but nothing, ive isolated myself for months and all i had was hatred for myself that i let these people win . these people used to be friends....

​

I'm in the UK. I'm 22, ive never been in trouble with the law. I have been a helping community member, volunteer, i have aspergers. depression, anxiety and anger issues.

I felt that i wasn't getting any justice. i was constantly being harassed by these individuals so i retaliated. not with violence but by accessing their amazon and some social media accounts. I did not hack this information, as i was their friend, i remembered their passwords but for some odd reason they did not attempt to safeguard their accounts

​

I spent £15 of their digital amazon gift card on ebooks and then deleted their account. 2months later, the police knock at my door and tell me that i need to be interviewed for a fraud crime. i went to this interview where i spoke to a solicitor and told the truth....

​

I did access their accounts and shut down their Instagram and amazon account through illegal means which counts as fraud...

​

The interviewer is pushing to give me a caution...but it could go to court....i'm not built for court....they said they could seize my pc but since i confessed what i did they might not need to. theres nothing to hide here anyway but....as sad as it sounds. the pc is my life.....

​

I know what i did is wrong...i wouldnt have done it if i was not being harassed all the time....i did it because these people didn't stop and pushed me into a corner. they lost nothing while i, from their mental abuse... they have caused me to attempt suicide many times. i cut my neck with a hunting knife....i took many overdoses to which i passed out for days..i hung myself but didnt hang their long enough to pass out as i was scared....i dont really want to die....but ive been suffering for 11 years.

​

Now i'm sitting here with so much anxiety my heart feels like its going to give out....i want it to...i feel like ending my life because I don't know what i may face now....I am certain ill end it. It probably sounds pathetic but this is where i am. I am suffering from memory loss issues from stress, ive been so depressed i cant move...

​

If someone could ease me...just a little...what punishments may i face??? its been days since my interview and nothing. please...",2.960070932047099,5.434136127819553,3.895393672861399,85.01286352674137,77.75939849624059,7.0226131366151225,26.203149382891198,8.092016823424146,1.8101515392254228,2188,86,414,40,53,702,244,532,0.221,0.695,0.084,-0.998,0,0,1,0,1,2,159.0,0,0,17,5,14,24,7,1,17,0,63,7,4,4,5,72,90,33,1,11,14,0,3,2,2,5,3,5,1,0,26,24,0,1,10,0,7,10,14,17,0,0,35,8,76,7,48,41,6,42,1,7,0,0,36,12,0,7,20,275,102,8,0.0,0.06522003390952352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41749318602301466,0.4682049963436472,0.03743289503884385,0.0,0.08421946541797827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711057269503053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565469933696549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059484737410052335,0.0,0.1318482955406926,0.0,0.0,0.03549985766459153,0.05674959571409615,0.09482138783537876,0.0,0.05712864137320475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056330759388609784,0.0645130322848957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750812495437933,0.0568768185727816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055665417764804485,0.07864917411072507,0.05285240751889192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505618676540411,0.0,0.028759053650084906,0.10560950909242303,0.06256736508469067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522930006673949,0.03689590482130485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490660850396996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060503243488995835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056287854618632026,0.07776066919022423,0.053784998600944295,0.0,0.0,0.04871362309345762,0.0,0.0,0.06008877396283765,0.0,0.0,0.05208547689438755,0.0,0.11161519564740104,0.0,0.05996079468125349,0.0,0.0,0.05547301711392349,0.058394681949843937,0.0,0.0,0.08787374420532901,0.05850476055903934,0.04046484902773097,0.08163122862870288,0.0424545595439065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26408868502320393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254725296007876,0.15264675034628544,0.0,0.0,0.060423538020344135,0.0,0.0,0.052718468008831496,0.0,0.05934846602296087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526362036010852,0.05659604379229255,0.0,0.0,0.06235593337670719,0.0,0.052360970138938034,0.0437744698393374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910685769403268,0.0,0.0,0.05611205631187138,0.0466399575585052,0.042376791536158524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460205856962234,0.06305454788509615,0.0,0.0,0.06021095124453709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811227991942247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629259464674073,0.0,0.0,0.05259842894721648,0.061157686083189874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754172404003491,0.0,0.0,0.0649346411615163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102782192141511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036744300858175,0.4682049963436472,0.03544756113334875
suicidewatch,ClarkeManUltra,2019/03/09,My friend My friend wrote his first suicide note the other day. I found it in class and thought it was a joke till the school tracked it down to him. He has bipolar depression and talks about killing himself every once and awhile. What do I do to save him from suicide? His life at home sounds awful. His step dad tried to kidnap him as a kid. His family is low on money too. I’m at the time when kids my age start to get suicidal. This is one friend I want to keep! I have been praying for help. I need answers!,1.0284648370497391,3.1505239905660405,1.8606346483704999,98.88616638078905,82.67924528301887,4.986620926243568,20.013722126929675,6.11248444174946,-0.2083283018867923,397,11,92,3,11,123,77,106,0.207,0.63,0.163,-0.8684,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,5,1,8,2,0,0,0,11,17,6,4,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,2,6,3,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,3,0,2,5,1,16,5,15,12,0,14,1,2,0,0,18,6,0,0,7,57,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155375282963757,0.0,0.15430243247227038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094238423925765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888755165841654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523856885271285,0.0,0.1964297465132608,0.4152346895882729,0.0,0.09359896612171116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008109124233984,0.0,0.17970298867106946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923757701494987,0.19820395931072907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653959914143245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328381436999938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907898923296411,0.12139730582464307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131030436809398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680394949701815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5878861162397941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143994730461508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422258261227977,0.10446434728315364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163172088667945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056678594530925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jafooki,2019/03/09,"I regret not doing it when I was able to Back when I first started feeling this way I didn't truly understand what death entailed. I knew it was the cessation of experience, but I  just didn't really grasp what that meant. Now, years later I truly grasp what death is, which keeps me from going through with suicide. I want to die so bad, but I just can't overcome the fear of nonexistence. I'd do anything to find the strength to go through with it.",4.648333333333333,5.4194562777777815,5.075555555555557,85.39000000000001,69.55555555555556,8.222222222222221,29.44444444444445,8.344100000000001,1.9291111111111119,355,13,73,5,6,113,59,90,0.3,0.603,0.097,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,17,17,5,4,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,7,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,6,1,10,1,11,11,0,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,52,19,0,0.2604074003619835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429310234942772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002372168888262,0.21742930207787647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702617685493872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547284058164929,0.0,0.29303072297400296,0.13166980598993194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380076462530235,0.22150240171872104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295991053433223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314620624390327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682364878446398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184317698285746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848434301646454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27109328753705075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359503165659447,0.20669927344057365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167693828041126
suicidewatch,samreturned,2019/03/09,"An interesting title What do you write, how do I say everything I need to say. How do I explain that this is nobody's fault. And how do I make sure my mum knows it's not her fault, she said if I ever do this, she'll follow me. I don't want that, she has her life and she should live it. I'm ready to die now. I just need the note. I'll do it on a video. You know the type, ""if you're watching this then I'm dead"" type thing. I don't even think I'm sad anymore, I just don't want to live on this cruel planet that hurts me so much. Let's see if I go through with this or not",-0.9862284730195192,0.4163642462686568,1.462835820895524,102.93388633754309,85.6417910447761,4.720091848450059,14.785304247990815,5.369823440869387,-1.2835687715269808,435,6,123,2,13,148,74,134,0.201,0.743,0.056,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,9,7,1,0,4,0,14,1,0,4,2,27,30,11,2,8,8,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,13,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,5,21,2,7,26,1,7,0,2,2,0,14,2,0,4,3,77,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121630569769768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202763863052927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130006717391513,0.19351374021479212,0.0,0.0,0.19226828557210526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158248464494174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290186287256712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351428628171509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218759962501316,0.1511064970532724,0.0,0.0,0.3778117476624709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428012700112715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726463401214236,0.3172557318935421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349832022794892,0.3402546231491517,0.0,0.0,0.17047610470049615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162837652735247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421269136412641,0.13707898625451426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523652706569428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snorphy,2019/03/09,"Drive ""accidentally"" into incoming traffic I'm thinking about doing this when I'm heading home tonight. I'm so sick of failing and I can do more good with the life insurance my family would get than I'm currently doing. Looking for help to keep me going.",3.175102040816326,5.779462428571431,5.089142857142857,76.03085714285714,77.77551020408163,8.001632653061224,30.20816326530613,8.841846274778883,3.049274285714286,205,10,35,5,5,70,41,49,0.145,0.745,0.11,-0.4427,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,6,14,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,7,13,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418177255679171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943838904089785,0.0,0.20606833925049076,0.3041234164882869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721221031692483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430365357843981,0.0,0.3637074862067903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222867870705121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561081473919564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044844069805843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323331286253969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575736407305625,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NorthernTrainwreck,2019/03/09,"I’m fucking tired I am just so goddamn sick of everything. I’m tired of not being heard by anyone, tired of being all alone in the world, tired of wondering what the fuck I’m even living for. And I’m beyond fucking sick of the constant feeling of wanting to die and wanting the pain to end, but not being able to kill myself. There isn’t a single fucking person on this planet that can help me. No one cares enough to actually listen to what I have to say, and I’ve been called worthless enough times to know that that’s all I will ever be seen as. Just a waste of space. 

I’ve always been so damn jealous of people who have normal, loving families and friends that actually help them, and lift them up instead of putting them down. I’ve never known what that’s like, and I don’t think I ever will. I just want it all to goddamn stop.",4.379286469344606,4.766649645348841,5.189577167019028,85.7059513742072,69.98837209302326,7.417336152219874,26.68287526427061,6.980632752743323,1.1300395348837209,657,19,137,5,11,214,98,172,0.276,0.598,0.126,-0.9828,0,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,3,0,11,13,7,0,6,0,14,12,0,0,6,28,34,10,2,4,6,0,1,1,1,2,7,3,0,1,11,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,4,5,11,4,25,24,6,15,0,1,1,5,13,7,5,1,8,95,22,0,0.11588849650020525,0.0,0.226180910935208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002553223232912,0.0,0.0,0.09642851272206472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103193129469946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183351120373825,0.0,0.1181560457453756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523429457408733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027396293322598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264281037105204,0.2394875916650494,0.0,0.07654325896794452,0.20965555965214425,0.0,0.0,0.10415310812099307,0.0,0.10924936068832898,0.0,0.058596705890216226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953516492221356,0.4285481904483429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535523275884675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821345106824875,0.0,0.0636892869305008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056617265635934874,0.0,0.10233166558536087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459389268042377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938035280014929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135461211125952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852904444640202,0.0,0.12331353102274455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034249175072157,0.10118936511628997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649994760021908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215918384062102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688797221754096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425666918493559,0.0,0.0,0.0675755142598715,0.5327871153618503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506211340969335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567613098218364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xadlonelyboi,2019/03/09,"'depressed' kid Im a grade 9 student. Im not like the other cringe kids tho who self diagnose them selves with ""depression"". I've been going to therapy for the past couple months and it hasnt really helped. I just want to die already because im a disappointment to everyone, and im a fucking failure. I keep hurting myself with a blade, i carved shits on my fucking forearms till it bleeds. Holy fuck i just like the feeling of pain man. I keep doing it until i see blood. I want to die but i dont know what to do

~English so fucking bad, not my main language.",0.3422898550724618,2.734548504347828,2.380869565217392,91.648115942029,90.04347826086956,5.153623188405797,23.318840579710145,6.742157984588678,0.8589536231884054,438,18,91,6,15,146,76,115,0.238,0.728,0.034,-0.9669,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,0,4,13,5,0,7,0,5,10,3,0,0,15,17,7,2,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,1,2,12,2,12,16,1,6,0,4,1,4,7,1,5,0,6,52,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405966407108772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637940822511664,0.07766604070508898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097326980817151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947068760093846,0.12931528333237755,0.2644564162180844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493198937287105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174271682055675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442073772240697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471142364726246,0.0,0.0,0.07240825593249006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853981341725234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639168117433453,0.0,0.5504850976081492,0.0,0.0,0.2264901463925977,0.0,0.0,0.07001947953804634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448911469275588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169494194861832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556988432973513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162426644409452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162009842302531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152677382416896,0.0,0.13291314377410854,0.0,0.13078131325630313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457008506483531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029573675487698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,literalmonstersrsly,2019/03/09,"Loose Skin struggle I am not posting this on any weight related subs cause I don't wanna get into it. But I have lost more than 130lbs and I have 100 more to lose and my skin is disgusting and will only get worse and I am not sure if I wanna live the rest of my life looking like this.

​

(no I can't afford surgery)

​

I just needed to get that out.",2.542121212121213,3.8095019350649366,3.5137012987012994,92.7286471861472,75.10389610389609,6.172294372294372,23.222943722943725,6.42735559955562,0.4029411255411257,287,8,64,2,6,92,54,77,0.23,0.7390000000000001,0.031,-0.9305,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,1,0,8,4,2,1,1,16,14,6,0,4,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,4,10,2,9,12,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849077919837231,0.43166153932976,0.12078938556994688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246722776479732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784012630892295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546001909882176,0.08677737758657161,0.0,0.15684391472850412,0.0,0.14915815800507912,0.1987141345977892,0.1938959324169535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317048272535297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350899092260927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701132480500854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568959473163354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674070967383215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162963436126424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101249417465975,0.0,0.0,0.43166153932976,0.0
suicidewatch,IDECIDEANDCHOOSE,2019/03/09,"How Can I Killer Myself ? I need a medication that do effect immediately, to death, I'm tired of living, can someone tell me the name a medication? other methods does not work ..... thanks!",1.9182352941176468,4.751023764705884,4.414941176470588,75.52123529411767,90.76470588235294,6.249411764705883,21.50588235294117,7.554174236665415,1.4722541176470587,144,5,25,3,5,50,29,34,0.353,0.647,0.0,-0.9344,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,5,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27220821289775976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746691670797785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6267147184552069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064493936364866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635577183808831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718776642487101,0.2863796368770977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575144418156819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645331382903144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Myst_Clown,2019/03/09,"Limerence I was getting better. I was. I haven't been depressed in so long. I haven't SH'd in like a month or two.

But I broke no contact today.
She is the reason I get like this. I've noticed a pattern, everytime I see or think about her, I get in this self destructive state of mind. I don't know why. I guess it's because she reminds that im alone and will always be alone. I can't live alone. I need someone to give my love to because I have none for myself. It's not her fault. It's mine for loving someone who doesn't love me back. I want to leave so bad.

I know my friend can see this. I don't care anymore. No one else seems to.",-1.0897539682539659,0.9325967071428564,1.0976190476190482,101.04626984126986,92.64285714285714,3.6825396825396814,17.777777777777782,5.033348758259628,-0.8039841269841266,489,14,120,2,18,162,86,140,0.19,0.627,0.183,0.252,0,3,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,4,13,1,0,3,0,14,3,0,1,0,14,31,6,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,10,5,0,2,3,2,25,8,11,26,1,8,0,2,2,3,12,3,0,4,6,74,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322442005834577,0.0,0.0,0.11575499706823728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796490463706526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106971007628807,0.11615538755820873,0.16960667874971785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303609610653406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183722576196975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981972451852115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162129051345945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748006435552393,0.0,0.2180458627171144,0.13345198351198373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532510852355198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026829657291702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529081599167153,0.0,0.0,0.14730291827208727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359293269738388,0.0,0.12284127708122194,0.12311258108752075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766707190270996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046670245867546,0.0,0.11104043152556604,0.0,0.0,0.10315216376478936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583835859814992,0.0,0.0,0.0942680650469552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303360308971294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217136184124137,0.12664526026082173,0.1451275014990766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357437280254837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913940784894478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186495055672925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589534366315412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205375383441653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255298369356604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cowman132,2019/03/09,My friends extremely depressed and I don't know what to do Just got off my pc at 1:30 am cause my best friend who's 15 gets drunk due to extremely severe depression and has in a drunken ramble talked about how his dad has abused him and how many times he's cut himself and how he often thinks about suicide and I don't know what to do because his dad has also tried to kill himself so he doesn't want to tell anyone because his mum still loves his dad and he's scared his dad might kill himself if he tried to get him in trouble for the abuse and them his mum would be sad and I have no idea what I'm supposed to say. He says he doesn't feel anything unless he's drunk or high and that he has a voice in his head that doubts everything he does.Hes been to multiple therapist who all have him antidepressants that didn't work so.What.The.Fuck do I do? ,3.754650092081032,4.262685602209944,4.178687845303866,91.9685105893186,71.43093922651934,7.580294659300184,25.580570902394108,7.492282038375204,0.9203587476979744,678,19,157,7,12,213,99,181,0.257,0.675,0.068,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,2,1,7.0,0,0,1,2,10,13,3,2,3,0,20,4,1,4,1,28,30,17,3,3,4,6,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,8,9,2,0,5,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,4,21,4,17,24,2,9,0,3,0,1,39,6,0,5,3,91,29,2,0.0,0.3495336728617496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795802919149895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313746896839447,0.0,0.12138233237886607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798328178922043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547952108670391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152612699652668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540880920264957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256611048456435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458190664891186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279207750870658,0.13636406965632447,0.1541283720319323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179715571307122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138054712393256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558449299627907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651283883453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263802459006,0.0,0.1621274909646237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312714121767985,0.0,0.0,0.14954480603283646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647728492320082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346004793825361,0.14767615170587045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666363108319479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779601981175294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613442501747124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185572571301142,0.12892405064767004,0.0,0.0,0.17126225507188256,0.0,0.09451391311289904,0.0,0.0,0.08601013691323306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002895961834536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870010419368638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738388010689733,0.0,0.0,0.10478183995633723,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheHolderofThree117,2019/03/09,"Round two, time to see if I place it to the more willing, if they will notice. Thought it would be best to come and run this yet again, by anyone. Not like it matters to most anyhow. I posted it on the depression sub, nothing as expected. So let's try here. 

​

 Well, this is it. More or less everything I see in my life has gone to shit. My dreams have been smashed, I suffer from multiple issues, may it be medical, or mental. I have little friends, and the ones who I do have don't live anywhere close to me/are always busy, as they all are finishing up university/have jobs. Everything is ending that matters to me, and no matter how many times I seem to post and run something like this, it meets the same end. I get happy for a bit, and the same nonsense is drowned back to nothing. I want to be a youtuber in the fields of things like music, animation, voice overs (impressions, one of the only things I am actually good at), and the likes for my fandom (Mlp). As well as write stories and such, but I am not exactly talented in this case or in any others cases besides the one above (though that took months of work, but hey, it's still something) , so it's 10x harder than usual, as I am just stagnated at a sudden ok it seems. So as it is, the odds of these things are a needle in a haystack, and it's more than likely I will fail and end up in a dead end job as a computer technician, serving asinine customers for minimal wage. Oh the joys of being in a third world country. One where everyone forgets I ever existed, and I crumble to nothingness into my hollow grave. You know, once I end myself. That or drinking myself down the road of the ye ol' pops. What a bloody world. ",4.8723527754297,5.149704668639057,5.664065934065935,83.12141025641027,68.88165680473371,8.804959143420682,29.408847562693715,8.704169506293173,2.075739194139194,1310,45,270,20,21,429,195,338,0.123,0.8079999999999999,0.069,-0.9542,3,0,3,0,0,0,58.0,0,2,2,3,16,20,1,0,22,1,26,4,1,1,3,45,37,30,3,5,11,0,1,5,1,5,2,1,0,0,26,13,1,0,4,2,1,5,5,5,2,6,4,4,27,15,46,23,10,45,0,4,3,0,9,22,1,11,21,200,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.09673043294538278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247885946976892,0.10740048810393374,0.1204461457659244,0.06740751545261073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930959614697231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622000716180663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402420825323568,0.0,0.10821740815847618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538629098885564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853750980136414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971034897262652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389708859545124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896630620625977,0.0,0.09471694370321533,0.1781719809951062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658272513760404,0.0,0.051788042343743707,0.0,0.0,0.08314025710712285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055190224051506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345939020079696,0.19672995546364505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447579349907959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136069962161634,0.07001400111594579,0.2421341657217288,0.09934798865518724,0.08752804359276492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049587425099048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985669993538428,0.09989337598466518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791195920627146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022372806686427,0.1128529900336428,0.0,0.10556350601007172,0.2686751392654414,0.07538804093325292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356316964300784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986620956010514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797751145716396,0.18047698826180256,0.0,0.0,0.10174905414167824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262053481791799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791603152814934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756014634057514,0.0,0.09738853248597276,0.07869314599098821,0.11559965381405228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013007851571888,0.0672984860049714,0.0,0.09682945217459477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917075203587656,0.0,0.058465726775374635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824822209726424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216323453879506,0.0,0.0,0.07041463285409799,0.0,0.1204461457659244,0.0
suicidewatch,SlowAssComputerz,2019/03/09,"Give me one reason, just one good, satisfactory reason why I shouldn't kill myself, and perhaps I won't. I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of school, I'm tired of the loneliness, I'm just tired.",6.232500000000003,4.769273250000001,7.255000000000003,78.67000000000004,66.5,10.0,27.5,8.841846274778883,1.7115,150,3,33,2,2,51,22,40,0.061,0.527,0.412,0.932,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,6,7,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987881029848964,0.0,0.14853289383744064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959214776866947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399986319855537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641516249686144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922236707659184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8141457707004609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979424804636536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Scumbagweasel23,2019/03/09,18 years old Men My GF left me 3 days ago with no explication or nothing we just had a great fucking day but the same night she called me and told me it was over....during these 3 days i tried to call her so many time but couldnt  a response so i walked over to her place (i live in Québec and its -25 here) it was about 1hour and 30 minute in a snowy and cold temperature....so i finally get to her house and what I saw killed me on the inside she was with another guy....it has only been 3 days since she left me and she was already with someone else....we passed 5 month together the best month of my life by a fucking miles and she just threw it in garbage...i then walked again to my home and try to jump off a bridge (we have so many bridge here because off the hydro electricity) but couldnt let me fall...then at my home i decided to take 60 pills of tylenol (on the hitek wepsite they said that 50 was lethal) and got to sleep a few hours before waking up to literraly spit my own blood out of my mouth and ass sorry for the graphic situation....my brother wich i live with then called the 911 ans i got transported to the only hospital near my house....my intoxication level was at 764 my nurse named fred said to me I was one of the highest level he saw in his 20 years carrier...i stayed in a reabilitation room for 5 hours because off the blood i was vomiting i then called my mother and she came I told her i wanted to see my GF so she called her but she didnt even care for me at the moment....the next day i wrote to her on snapchat so that she can come see me one last time before my operation...she told me yes....i was so fucking happy i cried when I saw her text me back....but in fact she never came.....tommorow in the morning i will get a new liver but i dont give a fuck i just wanted to give her a hug.....im french and she used to sing me this « approche mon petit ami j’ai un secret à te dire....c’est que je t’aime beaucoup et que je t’aimerais toujours » every time i think of her i fall into a blackhole i love her so much...but she couldnt even come see my when i was about to die that hurt so bad....she was my world and i miss her ,0.5808496732026143,2.4095812897603537,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,82.50762527233115,5.38718954248366,18.696732026143795,6.42735559955562,-0.2991024836601306,1648,39,402,15,45,540,223,459,0.075,0.871,0.054000000000000006,-0.7977,0,0,0,0,0,1,76.0,2,0,1,1,20,12,5,0,24,0,23,18,8,1,2,47,57,32,3,5,9,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,3,1,10,24,0,0,3,1,0,10,7,7,0,2,27,9,76,5,51,25,4,68,0,2,6,6,49,29,5,1,28,232,86,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988537302391397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699999573732875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266880426816099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060621766268278414,0.06582666566804178,0.09611816009420764,0.0,0.1341711288296602,0.0,0.08273590457139626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025134617318176,0.18033996527689533,0.08038087458351319,0.0,0.0,0.13582438437333053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660014196957996,0.25422082283761105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182168139776401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923978699079342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414387279978048,0.0,0.06642464606641342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636347552350203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29153885552037423,0.08237948841409483,0.15125771238080746,0.0,0.0,0.12610833937607238,0.08691947534906723,0.0,0.07806228614235375,0.0,0.0839248086073081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816243369565045,0.0,0.15527963815183532,0.09096878310445293,0.08439800283120275,0.0,0.08515886457745722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722286925922841,0.0,0.0,0.0642637156702774,0.0,0.0,0.1713160306401003,0.08061747656630837,0.05568580441284291,0.0,0.0,0.13923128055698047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115462028802387,0.0,0.0,0.15985927124978355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585591620544614,0.0,0.057955202598403616,0.0,0.06080493709260872,0.07614249624946676,0.08384539874233242,0.0739843794472168,0.0,0.07564745013123314,0.0,0.0827275064812292,0.0,0.10684570955280843,0.11992011984929705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236921640236275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998650461152002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847169132777356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521583490040887,0.0,0.07889521000462496,0.0,0.06679941367461183,0.0,0.0,0.0882529930980379,0.0,0.08403111026034933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927657046317146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051638259464472,0.0,0.0,0.1379136946156239,0.0,0.0,0.2260000478863471,0.0,0.1070520258582899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809095584983874,0.0,0.0,0.09300171320523866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153852721381186
suicidewatch,The_Bored_Duffa,2019/03/09,"Just had a relapse in judgment and could use someone to talk to I almost starting cutting myself after not for a couple of years and yeah, a little about me, I'm 17 and I've had a bad past and always a bad mental state so I keep hoping things will get better since I'm young and have a future but Idk at this point ",1.4143137254901958,3.0327161176470585,3.232941176470589,92.06990196078434,79.0,4.533333333333334,18.686274509803926,3.1291,-0.5750666666666664,248,5,53,0,6,83,51,68,0.115,0.7959999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.1585,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,13,12,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,2,8,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417758378787557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009045291790203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031988949078709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354161449925493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927770141280087,0.2671582195584335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614689789674596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398128820171065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461055822891886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419948701275241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433233412697461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048995403539524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22824691547792034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972872919723905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457856630563884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089852092280824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406719234032088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040768281008014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853401788816686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548494499797294
suicidewatch,Toasty_Jam,2019/03/09,"Today I realized I'm too scared to actually do it. I really really want to but everytime I get the tools together I can't make myself do it. I hate it so much. I just want to die, but I hate myself for not wanting to.",-1.043125,0.9577676041666692,3.509166666666665,84.1525,91.70833333333334,8.200000000000001,18.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6436416666666664,167,5,38,6,6,65,30,48,0.321,0.61,0.069,-0.949,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,11,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,11,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.2621146370645196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27876416283056576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033229780824938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530373344216463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929243733514175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745174210586824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34414379098716874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689152351011777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546011827246364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752813242268916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,digitalbombardier,2019/03/09,"I am a hateful person and I don't want to exist anymore. I have for most of my life been an angry, impulsive and hateful person. I have up to this point done very well for myself yet I still have been unable to maintain any form of meaningful relationship with anyone for any significant amount of time. I have not spoken to my family in months as the are more spiteful than I am.

I cannot find happiness or satisfaction in anything I do anymore and my only reprieve is drinking my face off, which has beginning not to work as an escape.  

All I want is to feel close to someone but I am beginning to accept that will not happen. 

Is there a good way to eliminate myself without making a big mess for someone?",4.41,5.605222857142858,5.8000000000000025,78.415,70.42857142857143,8.457142857142857,29.0,8.841846274778883,2.3643,560,21,104,10,10,189,87,140,0.09,0.7809999999999999,0.129,0.7454,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,6,0,19,3,1,1,1,20,28,7,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,4,1,0,0,6,4,1,0,3,1,17,4,25,24,5,14,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,6,86,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348797574183165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425380281704769,0.12075375438816766,0.0,0.14211491224040165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672898511665416,0.0,0.169177308778066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628033573535938,0.0,0.08732078969325659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578419248634454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485004594737033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271538243786448,0.1838391625853922,0.0,0.3410050582095658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198099490523627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527658525208954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784509387377825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134384680809918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015847097981331,0.0,0.0,0.1632544809836864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541194270517544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926512070726718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791604337906585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070100664285184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142493107260699,0.20372232428503945,0.1370788363372646,0.0,0.0,0.15527533868194998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647374058231554,0.0,0.12572546925356815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway_sw9,2019/03/09,"I feel dependent on something I don't have I'm 18 and
While I'm ok now cause it took a while to set this up I feel like shit  constantly 
My dad is a drunk bastard that never cared about me or my sister 
My mom seems like she doesnt give a fuck anymore 
I'm staying at my grandparents because they all moved out of the country  
Since the age of 13 I tried to kill myself twice and thought about it many many times
I haven't been in a relationship my whole life and for some reason is something that I really want I don't fucking know why I am so fixated  on this it's like I'm addicted to something I don't have and while flirting with girls I made many awesome friends it's kinda annoying because I feel like something is wrong with me 
Everything feels like it's slowly going to shit
My school grades the relationship with my parents god damn I feel like an attention whore just for posting right now 

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suicidewatch,iloveguyfieri,2019/03/09,"You ever just get so frustrated that you wish you could stab yourself in the stomach? Most of the time suicide is in the back of my mind, something I know is there but I can ignore. Sometimes though, I get so frustrated with a situation, so angry that I wish I could kill myself on the spot. I’m sitting in my car right now stuck in the snow because of dumb decisions I made (some my own and some from listening to bad advice) and all I can think about is grabbing my box cutter and ending it right now 🙃

It’s selfish, but I wish I didn’t have any friends or family that would miss me, because man that would make everything a whole lot easier. 

Anyone else have trouble ignoring the itch during moments of anger? ",6.085985915492959,5.803266577464791,6.456443661971832,80.38776408450707,66.32394366197184,9.635211267605632,31.834507042253517,9.188382445141503,2.566814084507043,562,20,112,9,8,182,93,142,0.326,0.583,0.092,-0.9932,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,3,0,0,11,12,5,0,8,0,12,2,2,2,2,29,25,10,2,7,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,11,0,0,3,2,18,1,13,18,7,16,0,1,0,0,6,7,1,5,7,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005958498559013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442782660138954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073745329381968,0.15734301991275462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808015230950833,0.12821834774181998,0.18722065822705464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521446408966585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828183862903006,0.0,0.13601087431784498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890615363512754,0.0,0.0,0.13801215347911475,0.0,0.14476514246024466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864207555541713,0.0,0.16046022968165718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698942528566895,0.0,0.0843939830640154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055342196247707,0.0,0.14530463497235765,0.10250422078277184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505443940745053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26228322440039675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261078437995833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821998362320292,0.15187732739104873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797254846424614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839670663014552,0.15087446429558415,0.0,0.08954358073144915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144714690380453,0.5297681974088937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817291500849872,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mangoneinsane,2019/03/09,"My death would be better for my parents than watching their depressed loser son continue living. From when I first started feeling suicidal at 15, I quickly realized that my death would be devastating to my parents. So I decided that I would live for them and once they are dead I could do the same. But now I really wish that I had killed myself when I first felt the desire to, back when I was young and showed potential or promise. Seven years later, if I kill myself it's to be expected. I'm a pathetic virgin whose never held down a job and barely leaves the house. As much as my existence sucks for me, it also sucks for my parents to watch. I NEED to die so that they can have a happier life without me being a parasite. ",6.344583333333333,5.993197625000002,7.1633333333333375,75.765,65.80555555555556,10.533333333333337,32.583333333333336,10.125756701596842,3.1633499999999994,574,21,109,12,8,192,94,144,0.285,0.624,0.091,-0.9896,5,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,4,4,9,8,4,0,7,0,14,2,0,0,1,22,23,14,7,9,4,4,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,6,0,3,4,4,25,2,16,11,2,16,0,2,2,1,9,2,2,2,14,90,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093947910521788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628740314726045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375164380290105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074575059994318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025514967970347,0.0,0.1569540354331001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764670027349307,0.0,0.1452055999065931,0.0,0.0,0.2572742418913306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450041801600627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007356004032965,0.0,0.3346296746393605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601319294038439,0.0,0.0,0.10681901874449716,0.0,0.0,0.2670797149193442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117228058345567,0.11213596580161586,0.11663876967458085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105621657803698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037728147804179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968825336374244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704217138430333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165422309159417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390833469683442,0.14578141151860347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222907647117336,0.0,0.0,0.09738788867382617
suicidewatch,eternal_arts_baja,2019/03/09,"Help For the longest time I hated my birthday. Because I was so shy I didn't have any friends growing up. I also was super depressed and felt irrelevant to society. I couldn't cope with suffering. Abuse and then the mental illness it lead to. I was suffering. And I couldn't get out. But the worst part it feels is how I return kindness back to the sender. Compliments and gifts just seem like too much to comprehend after everything. 

""I'm not going to do anything in my life it feels but suffer. Please give them to someone who can enjoy them""

To say I'm traumatized by my past would be an understatement. I spent time in the corners of school yards and the corners of rooms in the corners of life trying to disappear into the point where the walls meet. And at the same time I look at all those kids and adults and elders having fun in the center of the room the yard the space. And I can't help it I want to belong. I feel unworthy of life. How does one accept life for what it is? I know deep down it's a gift. I have much to be grateful for. My life has gotten better with time. I volunteer, I advocate, and feel fulfilled. My childhood is just this knawing that drags me back. 

How do I accept that my life has worth and meaning beyond the suffering I've endured. I'm grateful to be where I am. But it takes a lot for me to look up heavenward and just be. I'm tired, how should I approach this with a psych doctor?",1.7213505747126412,3.922679305555558,3.074075670498086,90.71125,80.5972222222222,6.055747126436782,22.431034482758626,7.237678284180719,0.7803647988505742,1112,36,232,15,29,361,152,288,0.125,0.682,0.193,0.971,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,0,2,3,15,17,1,0,19,0,25,9,0,5,1,47,47,22,0,5,7,0,5,1,1,2,9,1,4,2,14,17,0,0,10,2,2,5,5,7,0,1,7,8,30,10,38,32,7,40,0,5,2,0,11,24,0,2,12,165,44,4,0.0,0.14817383309640833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000092104815068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504404566080886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291246226152699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923244826874807,0.0,0.07623448043060424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060405085500932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771267395061572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800263964861847,0.10943950679248196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239448587804103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529332730052315,0.0,0.12007573963104155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661986100066716,0.0,0.06533788715090022,0.11996747652234264,0.07107360848816778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346934473919705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764810795765905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022914834943008,0.06872886262959105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5299949598634676,0.06109724978710225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003523016880385,0.0,0.0,0.10632023608929547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622533216945654,0.0,0.0,0.12602952017159955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386472458521214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474285344220255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542613236609988,0.11938245693927055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727664186960195,0.11822067331567825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945151204391832,0.0,0.12656584465573495,0.0,0.11384853103844482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596163283945163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940284030934192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916903900499776,0.14373631040365908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490648970341817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376272369766984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883794650231497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedeel,2019/03/09,I have no desire to do anything. I have no desire to do anything. Anything at all. I have nothing I want to do. No hobbies. Nowhere to go. No one to see. I have nothing. I never have the energy. I don't even want to eat. I only got out of bed to eat a pancake and use the bathroom. The only thing I do is go to school. Go home. Cry. Stare at the internet doing nothing. Sleep. Repeat. That's it. I can't do it anymore. I can't. Why am I still alive. I don't get it. No one can or will help me. I have nothing. ,-3.4789473684210535,-2.584934640350875,0.3396929824561425,101.08743421052635,119.08771929824562,2.6017543859649126,16.153508771929825,4.7782277997778095,-0.9586070175438596,377,13,94,2,24,136,57,114,0.16699999999999998,0.736,0.097,-0.5659,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,20,3,1,1,2,10,29,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,2,1,2,15,0,12,27,1,9,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891439748155802,0.0,0.0,0.3706967657131142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493930813134372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30729413577108644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099176617584232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845030916928386,0.0,0.25601133444043017,0.0,0.12009346505221992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006463973234144,0.0,0.15061870450104903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580955904838693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.576314902159343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034991745929606,0.22840079876449665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519658819175202,0.1196548860965565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150264434411793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991477041266005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975697000396727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968656739407358,0.0,0.0,0.17713179080572494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549242890724278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loka1013,2019/03/09,"The only thing keeping me alive is my dog I’m an Army vet with the obvious ptsd diagnosis. After I left the army, I went straight to work suppressing a lot of shit. Long story short I’m now unemployed and deemed unemployable by the VA. So while I wait for my disability claim to be approved or denied, I sit in my head wondering why I’m still here. 

I’ve attempted once in 2015 and was in a locked down facility for 10 days. It was fucking hell. I’ve been to two intensive inpatient programs for ptsd and the more I open the scar the more I just want to kill my self. I live alone in a new city in a new state. I don’t have friends or family here... and as always what friends you thought you had back home it’s always out of sight out of mind. For the year that I’ve been here attempting to make friends, I just fuck up everything. 

I really just want to disappear at this point. I don’t want to disappoint my parents and hurt them because I killed my self. I also see my dog staring at me and I don’t want to leave her. But I’m in so much pain emotionally I’m becoming exhausted carrying on for everyone else when I don’t even want to be here anymore. ",1.71465861938891,3.5538231535269738,3.6158826857789528,88.6497463221426,78.87551867219915,8.033270463975859,24.647491512636734,8.841846274778883,1.7309983402489624,904,33,204,22,22,305,139,241,0.165,0.737,0.098,-0.9678,5,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,4,15,13,6,0,13,0,13,6,2,1,1,30,32,15,2,5,6,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,2,6,10,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,10,0,1,7,3,28,3,34,23,4,33,1,2,3,2,10,18,4,4,11,124,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211167512224394,0.0,0.09351855783366377,0.1946103961197408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597514328566688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992125910425265,0.0,0.0712868208112401,0.12915336552353535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541798230989194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769012170220642,0.13154412634074433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723915638407991,0.0,0.0,0.11174319123611404,0.10510002205960943,0.0,0.11024260749859724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710475369828749,0.21622218041445185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001633587924858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730246457985345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125188940336719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394351466111698,0.2587582219813857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382480238682815,0.12705793750487854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326201977500288,0.10349008154975098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941999441585588,0.0,0.0,0.07805976208539267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807818798095568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596590152500197,0.0,0.0,0.2258868243393836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453952353656528,0.0,0.08893973924366083,0.12443464304188652,0.0,0.12985036665345193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105480867349844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733981217565717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491610590749141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318771585935376,0.0,0.2439922359287367,0.0,0.12003938863011801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339011483022247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769113722792892,0.0,0.0,0.09283896753463264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142354426631124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448774122341799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840650143845812,0.10552205913190194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268187227139653,0.08513524404410641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530688048786773
suicidewatch,Tlb87,2019/03/09,"St pattys weekend To keep this extremely short i had a relationship end several months ago and still am not over it. The last couple months ive had suicidal thoughts and have had these thoughts each time when all 3 of my relationships ended. Idk why but when a woman leaves me im destroyed for months on end. The one previous to this one took me 8 months to get over. I called in sick to work this week bc i just didnt want to deal with it. But the thoughts come in waves, some days im ok and go to the gym and eat right and then others i wanna stay in bed all day and avoid any obligations. I was supposed to take my first guitar lesson last night but blew it off bc i was like you wont keep up with it. I signed up for 2 classes for my bachelors degree and have already missed the first assignments, i paid 1200$ for it and could care less. Anyways, i set up a trip to go
To chicago for st pattys next week bc last year on st pattys it was our second time out together. I just domt want to have to see her out with the new guy and know that was me a year ago. So finally to my point...ive thought about trying to find some xanax up there and hope its laced with fentanyl and take a bunch my next to last day there so my body will be found soon. But i figure go out and get drunk then come back to the room and lay in bed and take them and drift off. ",2.2832337212960065,3.3503485674740503,3.2113825102233453,95.43584696445423,75.43598615916954,6.777036804026422,21.09484114501416,7.1686216300943375,0.19351072664359886,1052,23,256,11,22,335,155,289,0.083,0.867,0.049,-0.7824,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,4,13,7,1,1,12,1,17,5,1,0,2,54,43,25,1,5,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,2,13,25,2,3,9,4,1,8,3,3,0,5,15,1,25,4,44,24,7,67,0,1,1,0,10,20,0,3,38,156,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650574425518494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364113700505613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386763842322153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221734587514869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432201618440708,0.0,0.0,0.09590104569586176,0.0,0.0957559269364616,0.0,0.0,0.1618045324044055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498608961959581,0.10391877001019344,0.0,0.18170852703579626,0.09682560368282536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610182824743653,0.0,0.0,0.24955110985071755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288286479907947,0.08583958955006725,0.15977365052949502,0.0,0.10297652613033872,0.0,0.0,0.0981368306144446,0.0,0.1601277370949829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299384470585938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328202505993474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289567777715056,0.0,0.0,0.16695773223232072,0.0,0.0,0.05161502035278683,0.30622367294574265,0.0,0.09944587821578443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588371858059581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29985864122861866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070684221093568,0.19976627319693352,0.08813592623238542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728288924977202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878311419461364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166612987344226,0.0,0.08020568217139508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484069478751056,0.0,0.0,0.10610090273932672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010437055048116,0.0750032449634045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273133454449176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184453315763044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982424354786725,0.10952898711770452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434664424188488,0.06376433461069325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079084795717288,0.0,0.15067112864696544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474662296433587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837361294252224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096056236636098
suicidewatch,dankkerr3,2019/03/09,"A Stained Man Years ago I made decisions that affected many lives.  I didn't care about it then but now I do. I find now that my only redemption is to finally end myself. That my blood would cover my wrong and be just. I want to die but I'm afraid at the same time. What If God is waiting on the other side to damn me to Hell? Not that he would be wrong or anything to do so. I'm caught in this cycle and have been for years now.  And if God isn't real then there is nothing holding me back minus my family and friends. But if they knew me deeply and saw my heart they would see darkness.  I can't control my thoughts, I make decisions impusivly and I don't see that changing so why not just kill myself?  The only way I could do it is if I distance myself from everyone. For now until that happens I slice up my arm. I wear my stained heart on my arm.  That's what I am. I'm a stained man. ",0.5128602920914851,2.374167026178011,2.4163901901350258,95.6430972719758,82.92670157068063,5.696445301736016,21.04739597685313,6.8360192770164,0.25166387434554993,686,21,163,8,19,228,103,191,0.147,0.773,0.08,-0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,2,1,11,8,3,1,5,0,20,6,6,4,0,36,35,19,2,9,12,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,13,6,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,7,3,30,2,15,22,1,22,1,0,3,0,6,6,2,5,14,112,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365137122061985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407352154272845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593530716075386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372335645004098,0.0,0.1594980854775034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910499790458006,0.12038015559116885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564788086721067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354032987618614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407028246859874,0.0,0.0,0.14213558272948876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651647036804789,0.1378040006932004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648702345549952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332826931460973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573340068873472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680824003477351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313552434552842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426652757293657,0.1006423017695197,0.1528603903820588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446709805201027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293396709682754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161294415170192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402934871994533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969710305252898,0.08791708287404007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892995742824207,0.11967677202356683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604938876032388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213149299981539,0.32969371635931816,0.0,0.19418603359539086
suicidewatch,Heraclesofzeus,2019/03/09,"Do we all have those dark days? It’s been 3 months since my last attempt and every day when I look around me noone even seems to know what I did or what I think. I have no family no beliefs. Not even a friend who would cry after me when I left. I’ve always loved Edgar Allan Poe as a writer. In his poem “Romance” he says; And so being young and dipped in folly, I fell in love with melancholy.” I’m 20 next month had 1 girlfriend my entire life. Still a virgin. I walk around with a 12” Mohawk and a denim vest with razorblades on its collars. Sometimes I just want to rip those blades off and stick them inside me. I don’t know. Should I go or should I not. I still don’t know. ",0.4437500000000014,2.431647541666667,1.9206666666666687,98.39100000000002,84.0,4.395555555555556,15.155555555555555,5.2151,-1.0509911111111112,522,8,122,2,15,168,99,144,0.095,0.81,0.095,0.2434,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,1,1,10,4,0,0,5,0,12,4,0,0,1,27,23,11,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,7,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,3,2,20,4,14,16,1,24,1,0,1,3,10,8,0,3,13,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032416569408055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216526310434839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984472837205284,0.2330223974692464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386493624977241,0.0,0.15221442233440674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703108192223199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957800019178265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267363289959262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29785917000732864,0.14726257401557888,0.0,0.0,0.19628836723069645,0.0,0.1276059874290168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170947822301245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32610665061690153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884032767510065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192134692327932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366863110104508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446670614656025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944438885676056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867804092666434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885517192470996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576007476772555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106558355143449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833617007430875,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mike_the_magnificent,2019/03/09,"Im gonna do it, help with the guilt? Im pretty resolute that im gonna do it.  How can i male my family members not feel guilty?  Like, what can i write?",-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666645,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,107.33333333333331,4.622222222222223,11.555555555555555,6.42735559955562,-0.9829111111111116,114,2,32,2,6,42,25,36,0.111,0.604,0.285,0.7692,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578344009650907,0.0,0.13829139563418522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332337655248465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8862909109185756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361980955813652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782509998161493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkoFoegotHisName,2019/03/09,"Am I selfish? I am currently in a relationship that has been going strong for 4,5 years now. She is smart, and has a bright future ahead. Me? I should be just as smart, and talented. However i have wasted away any potential I had, and I'm so scared to fail my education. 

Is it selfish for me to stay with her, and potentially ruin what could be an amazing life for her? I love her so, so much, and I really want to marry this girl. But do I even have the right to ask her that question? How does a depressed, washed up artist/'genius' deserve a girl like her, and what right do I have to stay with this girl, marry this girl, have kids with this girl, if all I am gonna do is hold her back? 

I need help. I am scared. I don't know what to do. ",1.2744239631336391,2.9598017741935467,3.0401152073732725,92.98588709677419,79.64516129032258,6.751152073732718,20.1036866359447,7.7094869923839395,0.44420737327188986,565,14,134,9,14,188,87,155,0.158,0.667,0.175,-0.2531,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,8,15,0,2,6,0,24,3,0,1,1,21,32,13,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,6,10,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,1,23,8,17,25,2,14,0,3,1,1,18,5,0,2,7,98,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383512466944193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019590811501316,0.0,0.19114558213624575,0.15643853571946326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243623906780494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522899586989674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803823988749598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437512603024304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562387778008194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636654137087606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180940129092827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370095493677476,0.0993941505482883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836192722968806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955728923661016,0.1508537108639171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790771202875065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033364998130814,0.0,0.0,0.21842642982306532,0.0,0.3474860318728895,0.0,0.0,0.4073727906092005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336958374269134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999858078072935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101349147551564
suicidewatch,EchieChan,2019/03/09,"Is there any emergency help UK? My boyfriend has just spent about 3 hours trying to die after I found out about a few debts he told be were sorted and I called him out. He freaked out immediately and wouldn't give me an explanation and we fought for ages, physically as well as he keeps trying to throw himself down the stairs again. I've got him to call samaritans now but hes threatening to do things while I sleep. I don't know what to do to help. I'm barely strong enough to stop him as it is. Police will just tell him to go to A&E which is just a waste of time, he'll wait 5 or 6 hours to be sent home with pamphlets and told to get a gp appointment.
I have no idea what to do now, I have no one to call to help and neither does he. Does anyone know of any quick help routes for emergencies?",2.544378698224854,3.7378465147928983,3.4444970414201173,93.52165680473374,74.97633136094673,7.093491124260355,21.28402366863905,7.61054688173877,0.3866473372781067,627,14,150,8,13,200,105,169,0.13699999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.101,-0.6704,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,11,4,1,0,5,0,16,1,1,0,0,24,32,11,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,3,4,0,2,3,5,2,1,1,8,0,15,2,29,19,3,19,0,0,0,0,25,5,0,2,11,92,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835059257709666,0.0,0.19877041910165685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218962515823364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476983535606062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516778755246776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255789061566775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100928011511175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024302574743374,0.0,0.0,0.07635595832305371,0.14019785513275065,0.0830589069257469,0.0,0.11688738654440815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39183795198609983,0.0,0.1465977080949141,0.0,0.28785140105608603,0.0,0.0,0.16498256894153912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990247967276672,0.0,0.0,0.16063752286375035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903322662799503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146252895786884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221857285770939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773922553406655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709380529808533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521969502339694,0.0,0.0,0.27930011170864144,0.0,0.19844891446146687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140401916796274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarnieSaysMeow,2019/03/09,"I wish that someone would kill me so I don’t have to do it myself Hey, first time posting so I don’t really know how to start and this may all sound jumbled. 

I don’t actively want to kill myself right now, but the urge to comes in to my head so often as a result of anxiety. It’s crippling to the point where I can’t even have a conversation with someone without analysing everything I’ve said for hours. I don’t think before I speak on most occasions which leaves me saying things I regret. 

I feel like knowing I can kill myself is a comfort and what gets me through, so I know if things are bad enough I’ll do it but I really wish someone would kill me so I don’t have to. I know it’s not normal but I wish I would get hit by a car so that I don’t have to worry anymore.

Outwards facing, I’m quite successful, good job, wage, have a beautiful daughter (single mom) and a great family. I don’t think they’d be better off without me, but I’m sick of leaving in this perpetual state of anxiety which is getting worse day by day. 

I know it’s not normal to feel like this but I’ve fought hard to get to where I am and now I’m so unhappy but I don’t want to tell anyone, which I think is why I want someone to end it for me rather than have to leave my family with the emotional trauma of knowing I killed my self.

I’m so confused. Can anyone help? ",0.6721724137931027,2.590409734482761,2.836206896551726,92.53948275862072,82.6896551724138,6.06896551724138,20.6896551724138,7.237678284180719,0.4781034482758617,1053,31,240,15,29,357,136,290,0.209,0.625,0.166,-0.9578,2,0,0,0,1,4,22.0,0,0,1,4,16,17,6,1,9,0,30,3,2,2,1,49,60,21,5,14,12,2,3,2,0,4,1,4,0,1,17,7,0,0,11,0,1,2,13,10,0,1,2,7,37,7,33,51,4,22,0,1,0,0,12,9,0,5,11,159,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815289342672834,0.0,0.08306777078600168,0.11713438352687985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699364025556124,0.0,0.0,0.07127389775818177,0.0,0.0,0.07407923237194247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215213413895566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803700672702833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421913201005934,0.07418681823436972,0.08654684321295965,0.0,0.055322928314155716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527841134497938,0.0,0.1579236272722311,0.0,0.08470351022727432,0.11967683691519095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124652006695499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750453256468256,0.0,0.0,0.07025421661567811,0.0,0.0923460934295235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503283102258954,0.0,0.08596229499658067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614280421967677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248708310125502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311923361102727,0.0,0.46334214521292894,0.0,0.27619502248092553,0.0,0.0,0.2660703839862089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818421627287148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980991221820936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413473905764206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918061465217108,0.0,0.08021927209851376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908945392673084,0.0,0.0,0.10731806380915114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153089042367734,0.07967528400510374,0.06660960076498673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738032372061404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838795274113119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928601445272934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321024718490407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129332366431302,0.1610107712249328,0.0,0.0,0.04884133993767774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821209278356892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558069748829578,0.0,0.28896084349607626,0.1614839975396573,0.0,0.0,0.08506271216868466,0.08535896345446553,0.17850287122896435,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,K1ngCroutons,2019/03/09,Criminal?...suicidal. I want to illegally buy a gun or heroin to kill myself ,1.0890476190476193,3.0584260000000008,5.61571428571429,63.112619047619035,110.42857142857143,10.438095238095238,26.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,4.728838095238097,60,3,9,3,3,23,13,14,0.5539999999999999,0.376,0.07,-0.875,0,0,0,1,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6649356748779847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6574144680942379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35449508517739625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pesimist123,2019/03/09,"I feel even worse than I used to (bear in mind English isn’t my native language) So I was hanging up with my friends today and it was good, then I came back home and noticed that I don’t take joy of anything, I don’t think I’m able to live like that. Please help I have no idea what to do. Sorry for lack of context but I’m not good at writing ",0.34090909090908994,1.8216558181818208,2.0324675324675354,100.08298701298705,81.72727272727272,4.4,21.38961038961039,3.1291,-0.533592207792208,266,8,67,0,7,87,56,77,0.085,0.711,0.204,0.8422,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,14,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,1,9,5,11,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,41,13,0,0.22439215684465813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465562563229335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254371771231286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566448486776217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820890330306316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345941673058475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336482374937096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37641898989505396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040533274931114,0.0,0.22508362913334254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533114319704145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962667334865174,0.0,0.19814238554872207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265721113996712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554719578288449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463152045154021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118864833113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687149759987014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378143354787976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126975272025128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938027772553348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286747781829821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnknownUser11234,2019/03/09,Im feeling suicidal Hey I just wanted some help i havnt been feeling alright in the head lately since my grampa died my dad died a few years earlier and my mom went ballistic on me and yelled and hit me so i went to live with my gramparents and that made my mom hate me to the point i don't know what to do with myself and i kinda feel like my life is at a stop and ive got nothing i have a girlfriend but i dont want to be a burden to her or my family anymore and I feel that i am a waste of space and time ,1.093409961685822,1.9762259655172445,3.4745977011494285,93.10795019157094,78.13793103448276,6.879693486590037,21.509578544061302,7.3871296695380915,0.4414015325670504,396,10,99,5,9,138,73,116,0.179,0.755,0.066,-0.929,1,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,7,1,9,2,1,1,0,24,22,11,3,2,3,3,4,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,5,22,2,11,15,2,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,5,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655403514426711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464743942945042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562966357795208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735785679800635,0.0,0.3376002201280644,0.11924808776634765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335016274244044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479950410541142,0.1713086602650299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188333879146968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030285811315844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917351793111914,0.0,0.18829367225460106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790093423373005,0.08154895847537795,0.0,0.14739392045525196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579442782529363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909907057474069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016478772128342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577938910956783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380784194942432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955306979920626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825840100595468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733272605862003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690815258666164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30947407933076737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749137365845823
suicidewatch,fullmetalgirl,2019/03/09,"Those days Do you ever have those days when you think about ending your life more seriously than ever before? I mean, I know I will definitely pass by doing that, however I have a feeling that its somehow so distant in the future. I never did before, but now I just feel sorry for myself. All the events in my life were so disastrous in effects on my psyche and I suffer from so many post traumatic experiences that I just frankly feel so so sorry and would honestly pay someone to drug or shoot me. I did have a serious attempt this year, but unfortunately the ambulance came right in time. Everyday I try to function normally but always have in mind that I would be so much better off if they would just let me leave. I also tried to hang myself in the same room my father did, but the sadness and fear was so strong that I couldn’t gather my strength to do it once the noose was around my neck. Everyone who knows about all that still doesn’t take me seriously and they think I’m just saying that because I’m over reacting. I wish someone would understand me and just talk about that like it wasn’t some kind of taboo. 
PS. I’m tired of taking all those pills in the morning and before sleep... I have been medicated since 15 years old- now I’m 23 and so annoyed and getting more frustrated.",4.2498204334365335,5.675465243137258,5.0536222910216715,82.73498452012385,71.07843137254902,8.191950464396285,26.36222910216718,8.6894789155246,1.823,1027,33,202,18,19,333,146,255,0.194,0.711,0.094,-0.9815,1,0,1,1,0,2,20.0,0,3,2,5,25,14,2,1,9,0,25,8,2,2,6,50,43,24,0,8,11,1,3,1,0,5,6,1,1,0,16,10,0,1,10,0,1,3,4,8,0,0,9,4,31,6,24,26,8,34,0,2,0,0,10,13,0,4,18,149,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435583792928548,0.09817638028747668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503531112242187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192505815715344,0.0,0.3012000927179355,0.0,0.0,0.10435176766771401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349480938657855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521864126357239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682989300652054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045033185755848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134557857707456,0.0,0.11274363812078113,0.0,0.11541597681538425,0.0,0.1327705366056707,0.17897649726235812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616444331574069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286748746606604,0.12968744362882426,0.0,0.0,0.1249334170274344,0.0,0.12065184528774835,0.16667837657300155,0.057643512743287814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962242483971293,0.0,0.128524715895254,0.0,0.1188616017502285,0.0,0.0,0.11913535266370642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673556200647649,0.0,0.0910004651013184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560426321879022,0.0,0.0,0.12380970898791213,0.1256545371401844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300093935190085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076204382192573,0.0,0.09382966535840764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760179997997896,0.0,0.11807430692268213,0.0,0.19994355733406272,0.0,0.0,0.26415826748651056,0.0,0.0,0.09422624496403237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742623345022351,0.09483516650612094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512052978312386,0.0,0.0,0.06880039107541774,0.1356111096538354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021370317850275,0.0,0.0,0.12283081067811052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356816381599453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352642758315941,0.0,0.0,0.1519622195823791
suicidewatch,ns2805,2019/03/09,"Why is it SO HARD just to find someone to talk to? Seriously, I don't know how much longer I can take this. I really don't know what I did to deserve to always be alone. Someone to chat with to take my mind off this would be amazing. ",1.568529411764704,2.6310403137254923,3.4962254901960783,92.70551470588238,77.23529411764707,6.6686274509803924,22.553921568627448,7.1686216300943375,0.4660156862745097,180,5,44,2,4,61,35,51,0.133,0.794,0.07400000000000001,-0.2638,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,12,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,9,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800299760626359,0.0,0.0,0.2249760830641173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471205140908326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422055023329687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971852598840736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730046159601777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875887607022594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321101443227915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581806563982797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40658108312374497,0.2173195246637344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439740118071456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920687118099556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JeanClaudeDruncker,2019/03/09,"Worried About Pen Pal I have been talking to a pen pal for almost a year now. We talk daily, but lately her responses got kind of short. I also noticed she has been liking a lot of posts by an Instagram page that seems to be glorifying depression and suicide.

I know this person feels rather isolated and I am frankly worried. She even posted a meme to her profile that jokes about ""when she's dead"". I didn't find it funny in any way.

Is this a cry for help? How can I deal with this, all the way from the other side of the world? 

Do I just ask her about this? Will that even get an honest answer?",2.4878048780487845,3.974627414634149,3.693178861788621,90.49196341463416,75.66666666666666,6.546016260162602,22.05609756097561,7.1686216300943375,0.548389268292683,464,12,101,5,10,151,87,123,0.193,0.677,0.13,-0.8752,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,10,0,11,0,0,1,1,16,17,6,2,1,3,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,14,4,15,11,3,12,0,1,0,0,15,4,0,3,5,72,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925589262188002,0.0,0.0,0.1431568163011664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173513582955135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735320614599086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663762864052425,0.0,0.18455478090483785,0.1541838337070672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364731017644608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051446843178083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636148502029314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352702479435507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431732341467523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199887954248507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641473297866012,0.09838099025761077,0.0,0.20193472204168605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874568224483287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219064757786888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038077501932972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630744860658882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428903832910261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629669224020328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581141989082448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877681086480728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841847410656841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635932515502705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527865170237747
suicidewatch,Pregoisthebest,2019/03/09,"I Hugged One Of My Closest Friends Goodbye Last Night I'm not an emotional person, or maybe I am. I don't really know, I hugged my friend goodbye last night though and I started crying and didn't want to let go... I felt my depression take over me, almost like a wave out of no where. I was feeling fine until I hugged him and felt like I was never going to see him again. I thought of driving off the road the whole ride home but the fucked up thing is I can't place why. I have such a massive support system so many people love me and I know that but it just creeps up on me out of no where... I don't really know where I'm going with this post I'm too much of a coward to actually kill myself I'm just lost and looking for help I guess. ",1.1814107142857146,2.7042744625000026,2.953392857142859,94.24375000000002,79.375,5.821428571428572,20.17857142857143,6.5431188927421005,0.016357142857142737,574,14,135,5,14,191,97,160,0.2,0.654,0.147,-0.8763,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,2,0,7,0,10,5,0,0,1,25,34,11,1,1,6,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,7,0,0,5,8,4,0,1,7,5,24,10,18,26,2,28,0,2,2,5,7,13,1,3,10,88,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.13980179817198066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434549181988371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736517510720066,0.0,0.0,0.12339024914894565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114902885528276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243692508386426,0.0,0.2751055170464171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136575547413875,0.1324422281710351,0.0,0.0,0.2442551077124989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781783563218027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602464153721177,0.0,0.14370218401397022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849676203940205,0.0,0.2361970371511816,0.2335532168768247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649379352073247,0.0,0.1399799038876765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030292457722755,0.0,0.15638600023871074,0.0,0.12929839405164614,0.0,0.0,0.14524388552139053,0.143924649880048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531311378767376,0.0,0.11049149984444424,0.0,0.0,0.2688809639826811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970771722241344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931894579366987,0.12508973582824448,0.1496769620441719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720416987892642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355297265557013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416024667705367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140067574319796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625705685714665,0.0,0.0,0.10771423323957098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951760573673396,0.0,0.14075293109208842,0.1137330101640517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449888505351966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927051799992595,0.15994547895665773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TrashcanMan4512,2019/03/09,"Tired and in this weird fugue state I'm tired of trying to be what I'm not, which is ""worth it"" to anyone.  Best I've ever been able to approximate is disposable cash machine.  I'm worth it to my mom (what's left of her) so I'm going to wait that one out, I really can't take her perceived future from her like that.  I can think of one other person in this world that might consider me worth it but I doubt it, one of the kids that I helped might.  Maybe.  Doubtful at this point.  I'm tired of being a mule and a means to an end for people that don't think, and just toxic and barely tolerated by those who do think.  To the point they'd rather be in a relationship with what I'm positive is a narcissistic bipolar meth addict, I've seen enough of them in my day to recognize one at 300 yards.  No... that's not even accurate.  If there was literally no one but me they'd choose no one.  If the option was death or me they'd choose death.  This is just one in a long line of attempts that make me realize my options are people that use me or nothing.  I choose nothing.  And I'd go for blind hedonism at this point, it's the usual cycle when I come to this realization (yet again... and again... and again), but I wonder how long that will last before I just realize what I'm doing.  Not long, this time, I rather suspect.  ",2.884817518248177,3.8421997080291987,4.309204379562043,88.56891605839418,73.81751824817519,7.669781021897813,22.09416058394161,8.07648339933343,0.8068443795620435,1016,23,231,15,20,338,136,274,0.153,0.813,0.034,-0.9833,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,4,2,15,5,0,2,10,0,22,6,0,3,1,48,42,17,2,4,15,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,2,29,10,0,1,12,1,4,3,8,3,0,7,4,2,24,2,30,29,2,33,0,0,2,0,13,14,0,11,16,156,53,0,0.10738793346067256,0.0,0.0,0.11706869852645277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750881399695229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137922187999883,0.0,0.11269701085798305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250519589890413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925633310005674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951138346188092,0.11096044186895418,0.0,0.0709287172510526,0.09713853389039637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206207468319595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719798681582032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753549864699771,0.0,0.0,0.11667730391787337,0.0,0.0,0.05246431991484358,0.0,0.0,0.2851048254345109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168227946596839,0.0,0.10788561308054244,0.1169769413901334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278432540547368,0.0,0.12577144977428453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206083236848194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093819005415985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889854331962693,0.09376700135217134,0.0,0.0,0.30454892390383603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879546000009913,0.0,0.0,0.11529445172457163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074236136920858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642955488068432,0.0,0.0,0.06261876759180286,0.37027989632957703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290935769071015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274869514622654,0.11827263705396827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645763297555255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeeLayfield54,2019/03/09,"My life isn’t worth living, I’ve wanted to die for over day years. As the title says my life isn’t worth living. My week is, get up, go to work, get home, eat, shower, watch TV/play Games, sleep. Weekends are the same but swap work for the gym. My friends have moved on and have houses/girlfriends while I have a 10 year old urge to die. My life sux and I’ve tried for years to change it, new hobbies, even a new career (3 times) but every day my first and last thoughts between sleeping is dying. 

I don’t have the strength to do it myself but I hope every minute of every day that some strange accident will end it for me quickly. I’ve tried everything in my power but nothing has helped the only thing I hadn’t done is have a girlfriend but I have tried and never made anything off it. Death please take me away on this day are my first words everyday. ",2.652021103896104,4.062144835227276,3.1242207792207815,95.05454545454548,75.07954545454545,5.710389610389612,21.662337662337666,5.773587663045528,-0.03248896103896115,665,16,149,3,14,206,104,176,0.121,0.782,0.097,-0.765,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,6,2,3,0,0,8,0,19,6,2,1,1,17,27,11,4,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,2,0,7,4,1,0,1,3,2,2,5,0,0,2,4,2,16,3,19,22,2,30,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,21,86,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636508694156118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002131925907684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387854139175887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30208478160606445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646006129601119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983615053043445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982472811671355,0.0,0.0,0.10371774201872508,0.0,0.0,0.07734486183894193,0.0,0.2959908212315796,0.0,0.10524385643271644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199214048099259,0.0,0.0,0.09047282613790504,0.0,0.1223620742816146,0.0,0.06655184717869896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849109886163723,0.0,0.11746299857524295,0.11630885171304008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545387695213747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24813812274767386,0.0,0.0,0.20680667750933326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080488026986164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446104702287575,0.0,0.0,0.09031639273862857,0.2261959611895506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236266563885282,0.0,0.12287900165518585,0.0,0.0,0.08906145750201817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854298923673876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312432521755608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343734279708825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804623890979338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779746124004773,0.0,0.0,0.09296602207214427,0.06828320200364164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385140074108822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690698786713379,0.0,0.09393227659871596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050351134009098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262298245941112
suicidewatch,Tirf,2019/03/09,"The wait is finally over. I'm just so tired. I can't be arsed to do even a throwaway account, like that would matter.

​

I had to wait over a month, due to some circumstances. People needed my help. Wanted me to be there for their birthday. Now I've suffered through all that and finally got home.

​

Tomorrow I will hang myself. Last night of sleep and then it's done. I feel, for once, finally, content. Goodbye.",1.343617886178862,4.034103646341468,2.328658536585369,90.53819105691059,91.8048780487805,5.172357723577235,23.90650406504065,6.816661863887847,1.149484552845529,337,14,63,5,12,106,64,82,0.087,0.835,0.079,-0.3902,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,0,1,12,16,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,8,1,10,9,2,13,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,11,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347431483331788,0.3896330810392207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407160598973594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589538833481284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810668504196287,0.0,0.0,0.5268957375584343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822925834687895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746473905515952,0.0,0.16082244577537252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068903515476651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832835199091054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797258986548346,0.0,0.0,0.11888146836109192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045733141373405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074450091554097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115151717399664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604441754774839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842738970150716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945658373450886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389268695449473,0.0,0.3896330810392207,0.0
suicidewatch,Bsummers321,2019/03/09,"So my parents aren't my biological parents. TL:DR - found out my abusive cousins and aunt and uncle are my bio siblings and parents. I was conceived to keep my parents marriage together. My parents didn't even adopt me. Great thing for a severely depressed and suicidal person to find out!

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety most of my life, I'm 30 and remember having suicidal thoughts at the age of 10. The only thing that kept me going was my mother. Who I just found out isn't biologically related to me and my dad is apparently my bio uncle.

My aunt and my cousins (bio siblings, oh boy) were always horrible and abusive to my mother and us, my aunt would tell us to our face that my mum was nothing and useless. This abuse contributed to my depression and I have panic attacks if I have to visit them.

I visited them recently as my aunt is very ill and my cousin with a huge smile on her face told me, I had a panic attack and left, I asked my parents if this was true and they confirmed that it was. I've been crying ever since. Knowing I'm not related to my mother by blood that I have the DNA of people that have been so abusive to us is killing me. I can't look in the mirror because I keep noticing how similar I look to them.

Apparently it was my grandmothers idea, my parents couldn't conceive and their marriage was on the rocks so I was basically a band aid to keep their marriage together. They even have a picture of them together holding me at the hospital, I was a few days old when they took me. They didn't adopt me. 

I've been feeling worthless and suicidal all these years and feel this is the nail in the coffin. I called a crisis helpline yesterday talking about suicide and my plans to go ahead, I went to my GP after and when I promised to call someone if I was seriously going to go through with was given valium to calm down. 

I'm really ready to end it all, I feel life keeps throwing shit my way, I've been through so much and this is time I'm not strong enough to deal with it. I've been researching and I've found the best suicide method for me. At this point I just want to end it all, and this bloodline, disappear etc",4.820546798029556,5.368073740229889,5.79536535303777,81.18349137931034,69.06896551724138,9.064860426929393,32.31732348111659,9.140100540675403,2.6846633825944166,1707,73,345,31,28,565,193,435,0.211,0.7290000000000001,0.059,-0.9974,9,0,1,0,1,2,37.0,4,0,10,4,13,18,4,2,16,0,38,7,4,1,5,64,67,34,7,6,7,19,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,20,30,0,6,11,2,0,10,8,12,0,0,30,5,68,6,47,35,9,39,0,5,2,0,51,14,1,4,14,238,88,3,0.0,0.3129567688186869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494536730653857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050515635666127205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173263948749454,0.15024584016899428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04025355923101855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929834345418973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485567728074271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253497030676467,0.04258630394015931,0.13615578712430695,0.17062430843544746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697259986718345,0.0682305125213421,0.0736450830698306,0.08722933414840214,0.05973130460980897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016593963357164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060353648400180065,0.0,0.0,0.2172077855026585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011400053523044,0.0,0.0,0.07280243912000522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454406263898468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347753133876209,0.07305655727459816,0.0,0.0362904203860769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174585926150955,0.0,0.0932831766260315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090343280947246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854240194056955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336116112810654,0.07517985855893665,0.06929130934076859,0.0,0.0,0.050221640141813566,0.0,0.15495274853497226,0.5132586298617815,0.0,0.0,0.0457794857034628,0.05765812078690065,0.0,0.0,0.062423234850737336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230290917993885,0.0,0.06520035873181043,0.0,0.07480336277239356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459933828243717,0.06778269230258373,0.05462379784196754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055950179493923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611510072029852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053075424475801734,0.057716405380019264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773977457657996,0.0,0.0,0.05242341902856607,0.03850480886953758,0.0,0.0,0.06309807501440325,0.07336592254603178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382914011409089,0.0,0.0,0.05448475683821973,0.03894841482009265,0.05241451470236781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121394497638225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469084792248075,0.0,0.0,0.042523568027368806
suicidewatch,PHEoniXN,2019/03/09,"Pain Have you ever felt the pain of wanting to kill yourself but you can’t, I’m not that stupid. I know it just passes on pain. Wish I could though lol ",-2.231038961038962,-1.051971939393935,-0.5211255411255404,107.19545454545455,116.87878787878788,1.885714285714286,10.774891774891772,3.1291,-2.174347186147186,118,2,29,0,7,37,28,33,0.261,0.494,0.245,0.0808,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,9,8,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520459098063409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115431898114454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474780352127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704908803970356,0.0,0.13436477335377506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.780460676160745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020922421177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420596052941714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811503110788128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGutenbergMachine,2019/03/09,"Another day, another reason to kill myself. Read an anti-LGBT post on the front page today and just figured fuck it I'm not wanted so why should I stay around? Just wanting to leave it all behind. I don't want to grow old enough to have a ton of responsibilities. I can't even handle life without them. I'm useless. I'm only gonna get worse. ",-0.035070422535209644,2.309155422535216,2.4691408450704238,90.00596478873241,93.3661971830986,4.530140845070423,16.959154929577466,6.2581,-0.1706969014084505,269,7,56,3,10,92,57,71,0.196,0.7709999999999999,0.033,-0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,13,13,2,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,9,11,4,9,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309287216146594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829213285753958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251800986243478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231642323145386,0.0,0.13571802074223788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899635349491528,0.10735515030071582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273338768970077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175743222151874,0.0,0.0,0.14513704849213838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561735969159676,0.0,0.0,0.15627728137600866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679364716143485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553623985549235,0.0,0.0,0.2112683143775673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190150156453833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477161469621865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36359340504222665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854143116065796,0.0,0.0,0.1980759984646265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094023206230903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hamsterque3n,2019/03/09,"What more can I do? I have always tried to be okay. I do everything I’m meant to but I’m still not okay. I get out of bed no matter what, I exercise, I eat healthy, I meditate, I stay social, I’ve seen counsellors, I’ve tried dozens of medications, I try to see the positive in everything. But it’s not enough. I’m still not okay and I’m so tired. What more can I do? I’m so tired, I can’t bare this feeling anymore.",-2.4439002557544747,-0.9441859782608688,0.8858056265984686,98.35075447570334,109.8695652173913,5.208184143222507,16.28132992327366,6.794906146795322,0.06843401534526894,318,10,80,7,17,112,51,92,0.14,0.6659999999999999,0.194,0.2556,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,8,5,0,0,0,10,18,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,11,3,7,15,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216298321411447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519588927263294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171725005845146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378997279911474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371908874231332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461826494884152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810023225388786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084367735600624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648778840302476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109153657613008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205350557661783,0.3304719807874409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756177224423268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214282856562519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsBedNight,2019/03/09,"Everything is pointnless. Everything I do, everything I want to do or try to do will always lead to the same result, why do I live anymore, I'm so tired, I cant handle living for so many years anymore",3.4391869918699167,4.549800073170736,5.2814634146341515,81.5389430894309,72.65853658536584,8.393495934959349,28.300813008130078,8.841846274778883,2.251530081300813,157,6,31,3,3,54,28,41,0.098,0.867,0.034,-0.5332,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,5,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889065014012564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503039715129053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6121176831352764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009419285354288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017199961371404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26093669577993184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413794058901026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390771851138364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485856263299654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619937688891624
suicidewatch,king_of_the_owls,2019/03/09,"My brother killed himself and I am about to do the same thing This is the short version of my story 
So I had an older brother. I had one. He was always depressed. He even tried to kill him self but he was stopped my parents. That happened about 2 years ago (I was 14, I’ve recently turned 16). One month later he somehow got my fathers gun, a shotgun. He then shot him self in the head. I rushed to his room and saw his exploded head. Since then I’ve never said a word and now im not able to speak anymore (im mute because of the trauma, its called selective mutism if you want to look it up.) and I am extremely depressed. Everytime I close my eyes I see the image of my dead brother with his head blown off. I have multiple panic attacks everyday. I don’t want to talk to my friends or family(by „talk“ I mean communicate not literally talk.). I can’t do this anymore. Im sitting with a knife next to me. I don’t know if I should do it. 

Please help me",-0.03010050251256402,2.228785628140709,2.1606311557788977,93.74956984924627,89.7035175879397,5.194050251256282,22.532864321608038,6.742157984588678,0.6234999396984929,736,29,164,10,25,247,118,199,0.171,0.764,0.065,-0.9752,1,0,0,2,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,0,6,8,3,1,9,0,16,4,4,0,1,23,27,11,3,5,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,8,6,30,1,18,18,2,21,0,2,4,0,26,6,0,4,13,100,37,0,0.12123769293624614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746989972417764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087947267204282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404704277057049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379253781566085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390537232635366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237972396745958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884369454931415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007635276447643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366794081944327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696485831514008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721009146989284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732745500835423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126306999428003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928725385911199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682630887506808,0.0,0.06662906539817655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180912757323164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206338965515124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967707698266521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350598285912402,0.0,0.1289376618493364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430759677951046,0.0,0.0,0.14224631054046552,0.1346201104920611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330825798481018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970759555028655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532480913469698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661074457316908,0.0,0.25295470938170345,0.0,0.0,0.10028907243261267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136013995923206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923387955399047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054493604773844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231243525253598,0.13187179563471454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430182649082175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780730993170414
suicidewatch,5g4f4f4f5fihhy6sfgg,2019/03/09,"Help please I tried to call my country's suicide hotline but I just can't force myself to talk with the operator, and there is no chat based hotline. This is the only place I have.
I have been depressed for the last 10 years, i have tried so many therapies and they pumped me so full of medicines I was reduced to a hollow husk of a person. In January I quit all the medicines and I felt better, I could start drawing again, but lately I just realized it's all a delusion, I have been drawing for so many years, studying hard and putting out work to share on social media, nobody cares about my work
 I will never gain an audience. People say my art is anachronistic and I should draw differently
Yesterday I've been drinking a lot and I deleted everything I have online. I only had 30ish followers so it doesn't even matter. I am still hungover and sleepy, I want to disappear. My art is worthless, I can't be hired anywhere because all I can do is draw. There are teenagers who are a million times better than me and are already professionals, I'm just not cut for this. I failed, I failed so hard. ",4.212955069124424,5.564145488479261,4.762047811059912,85.0773574308756,71.07373271889402,7.636981566820276,29.23070276497696,8.07648339933343,1.9029725806451616,869,34,172,12,16,277,128,217,0.151,0.75,0.099,-0.9082,2,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,8,14,9,1,0,10,0,28,1,0,0,4,27,34,15,1,3,6,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,10,1,0,2,4,0,3,6,5,0,1,6,4,30,4,16,24,5,18,0,4,0,0,10,5,0,1,10,121,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695526577062844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222663074813717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676122116878256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544867707409721,0.0,0.15425299927006692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207949167995815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030818799087593,0.0,0.0,0.15806867919045625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820925642508162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992740697462783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597213083437615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526472585908531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27105709948959017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140831327832996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332375005549273,0.1706647648396563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286236503413722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067741198285496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668626356158635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23012984438681466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488731442558837,0.1321029572795475,0.15806867919045625,0.166073961395682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209095919531276,0.0,0.16091841829359335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203140341064914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422386339959954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070857576533178,0.0,0.12082255230289354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548966710979085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216033480875015,0.0,0.0,0.17301639726247384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882199948893459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543563567999493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923635923031559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028578709938285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948550876729118
suicidewatch,Windupbird99,2019/03/09,"Im a completely garbage human being I'm a fucking piece of shit.  Nothing I do is enough.  I am manipulative and use people to help me feel better about myself.  I can't work, I can't function, I make myself sick.  I'm laying here shaking and sobbing while guys text me to see pictures of my boobs and my ass, and I comply while i shake and sob because i want the attention.  I'm trying to decide if I should make the healthy decision and have my mom check me in at an inpatient facility or if I just want to disappear.",3.0850700934579436,4.242573710280375,5.175782710280377,81.77713200934579,73.57943925233644,7.966822429906544,28.328271028037385,8.472884824447931,2.030085046728972,405,16,83,7,8,141,70,107,0.191,0.7070000000000001,0.101,-0.8646,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,2,2,5,0,8,5,3,4,0,21,19,11,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,6,0,0,0,2,18,1,9,17,2,7,0,2,1,3,4,2,6,3,2,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052790077991846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839193366203066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589042702052831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25514752024862586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485660821657198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282853306505733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445022262509569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655138043707366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667297231882508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296590306140101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289204629933633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23693861506394576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119206384155994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967734159996693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534728996996793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765111515755096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132705960273994,0.0,0.0,0.2912946449245284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797699690140307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ballsopp66,2019/03/09,"My constant battle I have been battling suicidal tendencies since I was 7 years old I'm now 31, I was recently admitted to a mental health unit and diagnosed with cyclothymia (bipolar of sorts) and PTSD as well as an undiagnosed personality disorder 
I have attempted suicide once 8 years ago and considered it again last week. Since then i want to make a difference to people who suffer with this so i created s YouTube channel (link to one of my videos is here somewhere)",5.410837438423643,7.568302563218392,6.211165845648607,72.66827586206897,69.34482758620689,10.488669950738917,35.41707717569786,10.608840637214634,4.4481146141215095,381,20,64,12,7,125,67,87,0.21600000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.08,-0.938,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,0,10,10,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,8,1,10,7,0,11,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,11,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741646599864126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123214157444715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19941962328309845,0.0,0.20527623946653006,0.2251792169198376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088454486996037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601546604802041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311496627969803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800221102186705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616915120273746,0.20924117727709016,0.1331376357460679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621214261609574,0.17155579733844242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296706428497551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939969491952198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250549641417254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298270436477065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588699507264286,0.0,0.1576016852028251,0.0,0.1766560682231478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530489901179069
suicidewatch,FurkanSWE_TR,2019/03/09,"Please stop me when and how you can... I don't see the point of trying to fix my life anymore. I tried everything.
Please try to stop me.",-0.9139655172413796,1.2045540689655176,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,94.51724137931036,4.279310344827587,14.14655172413793,5.985473137389443,-1.0328,104,2,26,1,4,33,24,29,0.142,0.71,0.14800000000000002,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512280498260576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276701095654049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789293155540273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561445092446354,0.2394718338396257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186539511681367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235782426139879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159684568840894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtraterrestrialVoid,2019/03/09,"Not going to do anything but I need to find a release through talking. Otherwise my releases are damaging or irreversible. Please redirect me if I should go somewhere else First of all, I’m so sorry for posting here. I feel like not much is wrong but I just need to do something, anything. I’m desperate.

I probably have C-PTSD from 20 years of psychological and mild physical abuse from my father and then as a product of that, psychological abuse from my very traumatised and unwell mum. Short story: I just finished uni. During my 3 years of study my mum fled my dad, we got free emergency counselling and a free divorce through women’s refuge. Also got listed in case we needed emergency accommodation. My mum tried to kill herself several times. Also fell into a lot of shitty relationships, including another abusive one. Through this time I developed bulimia and nearly died from a mix of that, depression, trying to process the trauma, etc. My mum also nearly declared bankruptcy and had to sell our family house (that had been in our family for 200 years). Some of our pets had to be rehomed and I haven’t seen them since. Including my dog. My baby girl. one of our pets died because we couldn’t afford vet bills even after our neighbourhood raised some money for us. I tried to kill my self. A few times. But was never able to take it that one further step. One of my best friends tried to kill her self in my last year of uni, her mum blamed it on me not being there for her because I was too obsessed with myself and doing things for my own gain. Possibly sexually assaulted in my first year by a good friend. 

Went through a lot of therapy, free and private. The free therapy ran out. The private therapy became out my budget.

I’m tired, guys. I can’t face conflict or criticism or aggression without feeling like I’ve gone back 100 steps. I want it to end and I don’t know how to get it to end.

I’m sorry but I’m tired. Please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. I don’t want to reread this dramatic woeful tale and find the errors. ",3.1919262623563966,5.611178451776652,4.416628372962865,81.86485973817794,76.66497461928934,7.802190756078013,26.86588298156559,8.6894789155246,2.276493401015228,1626,65,300,36,38,533,215,394,0.254,0.624,0.122,-0.9972,1,0,1,0,3,1,46.0,9,0,1,4,12,20,5,1,12,0,20,3,1,1,2,53,44,27,5,8,15,7,2,2,2,1,2,0,2,5,11,18,0,1,5,0,8,9,10,10,0,6,13,3,47,14,53,27,10,40,0,2,1,0,32,12,0,9,20,196,58,0,0.07963971390368564,0.2830801145804335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106355130722386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054157736416662314,0.0835091839425883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107339759867384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061238024125770674,0.0,0.09709526081317417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357696636202794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685935688880285,0.0,0.1653068990854954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652876182164431,0.0,0.1410742963984586,0.0,0.08881933281023988,0.052601279933354096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150154469030732,0.0,0.0805364645107285,0.11378925505112054,0.0,0.0,0.14557851142580358,0.1354829999250166,0.0,0.0,0.1230588908142711,0.0,0.0416084635067022,0.0,0.09052216941878334,0.06679801354177789,0.12739030887019567,0.0,0.0,0.07885583770263231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189353721218607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643286314874603,0.0,0.04376790400301591,0.0649169962025238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781588291201691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541367363558715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854435318213564,0.17715551624529655,0.06142305699515024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586372493253272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484098101801754,0.0,0.0897818113395074,0.07627283146948183,0.0,0.08586508140151658,0.0,0.09309456374859376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550324840164471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661631807555292,0.08997020816785258,0.0,0.0658787943152243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061310542607446776,0.0,0.17830027903153006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987915357088665,0.06401138533703646,0.0,0.0,0.2732248605562602,0.0,0.05290908716487788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931567286855942,0.18306827131419626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628055220994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579677004679377,0.0,0.0,0.06571110451610443,0.09394713330846256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382681266486774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676984225333489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707352510194376,0.0,0.2564268233169387
suicidewatch,fnord_happy,2019/03/09,Well hello again I have no reason to be here. Everything iny life is fine. But.... Here I am,-1.4064912280701771,0.5711974736842116,1.1642105263157916,97.99614035087721,100.57894736842104,4.63859649122807,11.596491228070176,6.42735559955562,-0.8686982456140355,68,1,16,1,3,23,17,19,0.109,0.6970000000000001,0.194,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046074427979067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965784728423441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772782783327045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048233680369998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dayduker,2019/03/09,"Suicidal family member triggered me into suicidal thoughts About two days ago my cousin (f 17) called the suicide hotline saying she was going to kill herself, I (f 17) found out that night and now I’m in a steep downhill spiral it feels like but I don’t want to say anything to my parents because I am going to look like some attention whore, as i felt my life kinda going okay for a minute. I don’t know what to do I can’t sleep, not eating and I keep cutting off hair chunks from under my hair when I feel the want to hurt myself, I feel like a terrible person to get triggered by this but I can’t control anything, I stopped seeing my therapist about 2 weeks ago because I had been doing pretty stable for a while now I can’t tell my parents I want to talk to them again, I can’t do this it’s 5 am sorry if it’s hard to understand I’m kinda choked up right now, ",2.197377049180325,3.6547661147541035,3.9341202185792383,88.5864262295082,76.37704918032787,6.410054644808742,24.22185792349727,7.03164865440522,0.8911241530054643,681,22,144,7,15,229,109,183,0.194,0.6920000000000001,0.114,-0.9519,2,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,2,0,6,1,14,6,3,3,0,28,34,8,4,4,4,3,7,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,4,1,3,9,0,0,3,7,5,0,1,6,11,26,4,23,28,1,22,0,1,2,1,12,7,0,4,15,90,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221656666310775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624462265564011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277986071116145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795906737598992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405497162019456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081682351168445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822696797976807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813439024493046,0.0,0.1900867724192107,0.1790479410790997,0.1203205863803302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373997556506935,0.0,0.0,0.0654711178045147,0.0,0.21365560459770744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225625822188966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341506652251078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138437309333676,0.13864079174207808,0.0,0.06886900783001929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851261232471111,0.18366550003850798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523175677322658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759820595472123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782915650445111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941889153372024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274888536024857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701702170646543,0.0,0.19930860775545534,0.0,0.0,0.09985861402545892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540397343717793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027817406873005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047676750497425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112178025761992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072222324566824,0.10952949929348582,0.0,0.0,0.14549860132117678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948490034410944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241305489384595,0.13045574537762367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173940037141865,0.0,0.10051890968580666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMuffinMan269,2019/03/09,"I can't do this for much longer... I've had depression for a while, i can't pinpoint when it started but all i know is that right now im 16 (i know, typical, a depressed teen, what a surprise) nearly 17, and to be honest, I've tried many times to end my life but I've never gone through with them only because i don't want to burden my biological family and my other family (my group of 7 friends).

I am scared... scared to change, scared to be happy, scared to be a failure, scared to be successful, scared of being loved, and above all, im scared of myself...


Every single god-damn day i have an urge, an itch to just cry, but i can't. I've suppressed my emotions for so long that i have a natural neutral resting face and a neutral tone of voice. I so desperately want to feel something that isn't painful or frightening.


Also, in school right now im doing okay, and i hate it because it's different. Im not used to being on top of my assignments or getting positive comments, i feel like I'm under so much pressure to keep up this standard that it hurts, like a spiked chain is tightening around my chest each time i get a compliment...


I just, i don't know anymore...

I feel so worthless, useless and dumb, like i have no place in this world and that i don't deserve everything that i have; my friends, my family, everything... i feel like I'm at my breaking point


(Also so you know, i have seen a psychologist and i am on antidepressants, unfortunately i have stopped seeing my psychologist because she's moved to a different area, and money is tight so yeah...)",5.058157894736841,5.160535633757963,6.150167616493466,80.40410157559506,68.45859872611466,9.413074086490118,31.494468655715718,9.276330184999452,2.5713847133757963,1215,47,251,22,19,407,154,314,0.221,0.615,0.16399999999999998,-0.9661,2,0,1,0,0,1,60.0,0,1,1,2,14,30,2,8,12,2,27,6,3,1,3,39,49,24,0,2,8,0,5,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,15,12,0,4,8,0,1,2,10,17,0,0,3,8,38,13,31,40,7,31,0,5,2,1,8,16,1,2,16,161,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381062954410305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297126952131201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744778564532771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300066519282848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850441875258934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189993728658284,0.053955749134745316,0.0,0.1441177331749439,0.0,0.0,0.17482017118126952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094109676016346,0.07410063412571752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048973210611083,0.0,0.1503819182274968,0.0,0.2366102469983871,0.0,0.16921021739162204,0.11953780626579355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927573735174847,0.0,0.08742098623366508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906087764277935,0.0,0.0825999458920082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956303062441726,0.0,0.3614818237510045,0.0,0.0,0.0743635672749011,0.0,0.0,0.1839161079672028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909368988206525,0.1634941705481663,0.0,0.0,0.07403917085833134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550917346552387,0.0,0.0,0.08482120622674308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892058705520982,0.12300394348303464,0.0,0.06452610559793588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362952324847873,0.08902338909110538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741008559063476,0.0,0.07908862916393011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428955835045117,0.0,0.0,0.5863291916073304,0.08467147810999237,0.06666862285823492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064407907064398,0.0,0.0,0.059217140865308326,0.0,0.0,0.06994606007494396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756920021823874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056801722485826336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722580174820239,0.0,0.0,0.09869327482290327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,godzmemer,2019/03/09,"Homework is going to be my end This ones quick but every day I’m assigned like 10 pages of homework and my parent make me do extra plus they threaten me with “no friends till you graduate” and “locked in your room for the summer”, today so far I have 3 projects for geo, 6 math pages, 4 English papers, finish my book for English, then finally complete three take home quizzes. Yeah fuck this shit I’m out.
",3.958916666666667,5.352557725000004,4.212500000000002,88.60916666666668,71.75,6.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.2084583333333336,318,12,63,2,6,99,67,80,0.17,0.72,0.11,-0.7684,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,4,2,1,1,0,7,10,7,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,9,2,10,9,3,14,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,10,36,11,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30414171702687104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870765910795887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569233909523867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444035899787511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177667433844045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411387702790264,0.26817283616473764,0.0,0.0,0.16485825779170338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909723188915769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171766946999784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362960588649444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656465284304456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220977703188476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977613419559088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181028801921284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27496043559860806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,masterdog69,2019/03/09,"I'm a fat piece of shit I've been trying to lose weight now for years and everytime I'll lose the weight and then put it on and more, I've gotten to the point where I don't know what to do anymore, I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted at the fat worthless blob of shit  looking back. I'm a grotesque monster whose becoming a burden on everyone I know. What's the best way to kill myself? I'm scared of it hurting but also that if it's not quick I might chicken out and try and reverse it, I'm so worthless I'll probably mess this up as well. ",2.0356666666666685,2.9516185666666708,3.77,91.78166666666668,75.83333333333334,7.0,25.0,7.3871296695380915,0.9215,428,14,101,5,9,144,73,120,0.234,0.723,0.044,-0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,14,4,1,8,0,4,6,4,0,0,13,14,12,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,7,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,12,1,0,2,4,5,2,15,11,3,15,0,5,2,0,1,8,2,2,5,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348515750060794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655389114872573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835049761495984,0.0,0.0,0.18434905047730346,0.0,0.0,0.1751713151241397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949836938571696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869036697404844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467127175548192,0.0,0.1834687627025127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803400371303162,0.37347959117037305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707480505062806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779251852297466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996703980845472,0.0,0.0,0.16779981588146578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671151553196893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426801496675783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665424707017964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249262557158886,0.0,0.4065250322912609,0.1500803322977769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749043864301283
suicidewatch,lilob724,2019/03/09,Does anyone else feel like no one actually cares about them. I feel like no one really loves me. My family thinks I'm a disappointment and only cares about me because I'm their child. And my friends only hang out with me because they feel bad for me.,3.5657999999999994,5.234020579999998,4.625,84.1675,73.2,8.200000000000001,22.5,8.841846274778883,1.3786000000000005,199,5,41,4,4,65,33,50,0.172,0.551,0.277,0.7841,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,3,10,6,5,9,0,2,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.20407951617742454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622770122525294,0.2142771425969724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461379092543414,0.25496591906181937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264414454686035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300999936910192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747002558089724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714799608667175,0.0,0.3172253751624101,0.298803275777722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157237197992852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433951088967373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887468834135962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834221390343249,0.3181037125701506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397324763446594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400127409116175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fijwtd,2019/03/09,"I analyzed it logically, my family and the people I know would be better off if I wasn’t here. It’s not wallowing it's just a fact. I looked at it unbiasedly and it's true.

What do you do when living is selfish and dying is the considerate option.

I guess I know the answer to that.",0.9185000000000016,2.8979191833333324,4.633333333333336,79.65500000000002,82.16666666666666,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.4675000000000002,221,6,47,6,6,83,43,60,0.055,0.794,0.152,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,16,11,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,8,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,3,1,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199746571929865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754818427261286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410642691692089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985534734475735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397661642393114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194679997744601,0.0,0.3038132430602076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508202616431455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570058805085771,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RareMeringue,2019/03/09,"Suicide to make student loans go away? I'm 27 with a useless degree (English) and no employment opportunities. I'm working at a $20k a year job in rural Iowa that doesn't even require a college degree. Nobody else wants me.

I have $16k in co-signed private loans with Sallie Mae, and the balance never goes down despite eating up my income. I also have $30k with the federal government that I'm making minimum payments on with an income based plan.

There is a clause on all four of my loans with Sallie Mae that my death will discharge the loans even though they have a cosigner. I have no friends and nothing to live for, and I just want to make sure that they can't pull legal shenanigans and make her be on the hook for it anyway. My cosigner has heart problems and keeps informing me that she will die from stress if I don't get her off the loan immediately.",6.938171834625323,6.136243191860466,7.0249612403100805,78.73605943152457,64.75581395348837,9.272351421188633,33.64599483204134,8.167268648758528,2.445494056847545,687,25,134,7,9,221,109,172,0.152,0.795,0.054000000000000006,-0.9522,4,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,4,7,6,0,1,12,0,12,2,1,4,3,26,24,9,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,11,1,2,1,0,5,2,6,3,0,1,0,0,16,3,22,21,1,14,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,1,2,87,22,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524980107992279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791633935267839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791037936946612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195127681274768,0.15930045949616115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519033222332833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732979627935605,0.0,0.09962980181889534,0.0,0.10837585720940092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597343839981765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892344795019161,0.16949768675319318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838639272867353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091591965161086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470750534816506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297614150733227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824685093818904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843945861388347,0.0,0.0,0.2085884053351905,0.0,0.17972694181818386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735599477980014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495265347800672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882758317044516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280075463012625
suicidewatch,RyanTheLionHearMeRor,2019/03/09,"S My fiance left me 6 months ago. I can't take the pain and loneliness

I've considered jumping out my 10 story window but I don't want it to hurt

If I had a gun I'd already be dead",-2.4022480620155022,-0.6488200232558121,1.4747674418604682,97.25385658914728,98.06976744186049,4.7271317829457375,16.468992248062015,6.42735559955562,-0.3078961240310081,141,4,36,2,6,52,37,43,0.369,0.59,0.04,-0.9435,0,0,0,1,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334741304772368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167179887318981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042548013334847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102900874927491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014162462116124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40181905659238587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28392660267383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227326941056343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MentallyConcluded,2019/03/09,"Losing my ability to cope rapidly. I never really thought I'd be here. Especially at this point in my life. I'm 30 years old, a male with a technical career and a well paying job. I have a girlfriend of 10 years and a five month old baby. I've always had a bit of depression but I've managed it my whole life. But my management is failing. My mom passed away in 2012, every day it feels like it was yesterday. Since my mom passed away my dad threw away my childhood home, his business that he worked my whole life to build, all his money and started sending large sums of money to a female in Ghana. In September my dad had a stroke, one week before my daughter was born, then another in november. I have been left to pick up the pieces. I had to clean his whole apartment, pay his bills and manage his accounts. I regularly meet with doctors, care managers and nurses. I had to tour facilities and budget his money and pensions to get him the best care affordable. I have three siblings who haven't done a single thing to help me. It has all fallen on my shoulders. I get the calls at work or in the middle of the night if he falls, I'm the one who makes all the decisions in his life now, alone. I hate it. I don't hate being there for my dad I hate that no one else has helped me.
My job is a true dead end. I'm a heavy equipment technician, it is a very strenuous and thankless job. The company I work for says they don't give raises because they don't want to create inequality amongst employees. No, they're cheap. The same reason we don't have an incentives, and tool or boot allowance, bonuses or even a Christmas party. I know this may sound silly but when you've put years of you life into training and tool purchases it's not very nice going to work every day knowing you will never ever advance from that position or even be rewarded for your hard work. 
My girlfriend doesn't really appreciate me, she also regularly tells me it's not her job to help me with my depression and to go get help, which is obviously much easier said than done. When we had our daughter I decided I would do all housework so all her energy could go into our daughter. I cook, I clean, I shop, I take care of the cats, the laundry, I just try my best to make sure she's comfortable so she can put maximum energy into our daughter. But that isn't really how it's played out. I've created this extremely unappreciative person who just expects meals cooked and things to be done. I'm happy to do things, but I want that loving appreciated feeling, I feel like some women out there would give anything for a guy that does all the housework without being asked. Any tevi bring it up or say I don't feel appreciated or ask her to do more around the house because I feel weighed down she just gets angry, tells me I don't have to get up at night for feedings or sit at home all day with a baby. So my feelings are irrelevant. Or she'll get really mad and leave the house and take our baby over to her families. 
Another thing I'm struggling with is I don't use social media, I don't have Facebook, twitter, snap, insta, I live my life outside of that bubble. But I'm starting to feel so alone, everyone is always on Facebook rubbing their opiions in each other's faces and arguing about vaccines or abortion and I just don't fit into that world. My girlfriend spends more time on Facebook socializing and arguing topics than she does socializing with me. Sometimes when we're talking she'll just pick up her phone and start scrolling. It's heartbreaking. It's like everyone forgot how we were before smart phones and social media, I feel like I'm the only normal person left.
I just can't cope any more, being a parent without parents is devastating. The only thing in this world I want to do is share my daughter with my mom and dad and I can't. I'm so jealous all the time of my girlfriend, she has a big family that wants to be really involved, I have a very small spread out family. I just want my parents, I'm new to this, I'm scared, I have SO many questions I'd love to ask my mom about as a baby or things she did to sooth me. I think terrible thoughts all the time. I try to push them out but they find their way back in. I wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone. I feel like my stupid family deserves the pain for all that they have put me through by not helping me with dad. I wonder if my daughter would just be better off without me, I love her so much and she's the light of my life. But how much darker is my life going to get. My dad will die soon. I'll be left alome to handle all of that. My girlfriend will just get less and less appreciative and expect more and more. What next, alone in a house with two girls who are glued to there phones? I just don't fit in. I feel it more and more every day, my life is work, cook, clean, sleep repeat. I'm a zombie. I've lost all enthusiasm, all positivity. I just think I don't belong here. And it'd sure be nice to see my mom again.",3.028603303567074,4.566080666996051,4.347414726979944,86.14665080759283,74.34584980237153,7.408598057873419,24.45034889962427,8.086652749014302,1.3008651344361484,3913,121,814,61,81,1292,385,1012,0.124,0.7240000000000001,0.151,0.9897,9,3,0,0,0,0,104.0,7,3,7,15,42,46,8,2,42,0,81,24,3,10,20,157,156,65,2,17,39,20,13,5,5,10,12,4,5,6,43,49,6,1,23,5,13,17,26,18,1,6,21,19,132,28,103,113,36,106,0,6,1,3,112,50,0,19,42,534,175,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405665431490632,0.0,0.03450330597818891,0.07180074414533884,0.0,0.0,0.05868060981444409,0.09048328388684287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03016821893366237,0.0,0.03550493156862671,0.03840849233819777,0.12100518216202465,0.0,0.12160937748395717,0.033176096688065065,0.0,0.052601987191405374,0.0,0.07342699853218998,0.0,0.09055672701742012,0.0381585395055511,0.04710352740817441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405620735484979,0.0,0.13196862271807233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03444803640084621,0.0,0.0,0.11130067786221316,0.0,0.07432202152489181,0.0,0.04477804228301914,0.0,0.0,0.04416107497047802,0.07551354061856796,0.13245796145893446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03604238814431779,0.0,0.03821395745806249,0.0,0.0,0.05699416902808083,0.03902742241970439,0.10905540778624448,0.08245442631945843,0.0,0.0,0.16269431464599673,0.0,0.21815575956821615,0.1232921336549202,0.0,0.0,0.03943405130811986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033323942720292,0.08277786675752223,0.0980819446062808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272066144178477,0.0,0.04592900762016151,0.038649742378718814,0.12779124722469715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459703105538418,0.0,0.08655657061335563,0.0,0.0,0.1493517590948934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712603361488827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742309164174824,0.0,0.0,0.04568467631890267,0.14063258660871975,0.0,0.2742734121041076,0.1053931479751076,0.0,0.03809811813565192,0.0,0.0,0.0482685897520164,0.04709822597854976,0.0,0.11682103843846366,0.0,0.057599687553082035,0.04374259416985685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526564537312273,0.03443819193850977,0.0,0.09515034895909057,0.0,0.06655267888991481,0.041670029976754085,0.04588554947763957,0.08097794165498386,0.04227326420661267,0.0,0.049121245829132965,0.09054753507635577,0.0,0.08770917961566572,0.06562793755229883,0.045909674642303284,0.0,0.1437233540318127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753456784704876,0.0,0.0,0.04078628403043565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011892480440626,0.04833264550481736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820002065355394,0.04436058658260919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104109039710118,0.0686217986028271,0.04319600355239152,0.0,0.034381243126339216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035690264032788584,0.0,0.0431764904993912,0.1759249280028295,0.0,0.0,0.04267183603424781,0.0,0.09161546301921376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510486829465389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132792858840818,0.0,0.0648798395058352,0.034678583109033094,0.07542184280177283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198304646676846,0.055291572531042825,0.0,0.06850514759314448,0.07547516921443463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858569585073769,0.0,0.04214671957163571,0.0,0.0,0.03726371357871643,0.0,0.10679825099002868,0.12724117175167218,0.03424675586069804,0.03460858240853569,0.0,0.03879283452585264,0.0,0.0,0.14451066528939846,0.0,0.12477167963943132,0.09357854301700827,0.1884618909547084,0.0,0.0,0.12259682226809107,0.0,0.0,0.0833525366491639
suicidewatch,asdfhillary,2019/03/09,"Please talk to me I don't know what to do right now, and I've been going through a lot my whole life (26f). I don't even care of the ramifications that it would cause to other people that I deeply love and care about right now. I don't want to do it, but I want to do it more than ever.",2.5640769230769247,2.1890152153846145,3.9998076923076944,95.32894230769232,73.76923076923076,7.115384615384617,19.326923076923077,5.985473137389443,-0.4796923076923077,219,2,60,1,4,73,41,65,0.102,0.8240000000000001,0.07400000000000001,0.0835,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,10,15,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,9,13,3,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871588465453186,0.2454210968930715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577944044860814,0.21610312017391886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577513545604594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129586117505515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687455653304929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310836559179488,0.21562096036831152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562654650022485,0.0,0.0,0.2622457905440282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080468840213294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202267401828005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818245482308758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667287403850397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697111554705547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashaccount996,2019/03/09,"It’s a different feeling when you can do it I was reading a post from a few months ago and realized that once you have a gun it all changes. One night I had some problems with my rifle and it didn’t fire when I pressed the trigger and wouldn’t load a new round, so I thought it was a sign. I had to break with her because it was getting too hard to go behind his back, she still calls me and texts me even though I told her we couldn’t do that and because it hurts that we can’t be together. I’m probably going to get kicked out of the Marines next month because I turn to food to help with my stress and my own parents don’t care about me. Trust me they DONT. I wrote my goodbye letters two weeks ago and drove around with my rifle in my car ready to blow my head off. I put it in front of me and I just couldn’t do it. I thought maybe there is something to live for but I’ve decided to just do it in my backyard where nobody can see or stop me.",3.9481089743589735,3.354401182692307,4.55846153846154,93.25320512820515,70.82692307692307,7.894871794871794,28.39102564102564,6.816661863887847,1.014046794871795,738,23,185,5,12,236,123,208,0.069,0.884,0.047,-0.4767,2,0,1,3,0,0,10.0,2,2,1,0,14,5,0,1,8,0,21,2,1,1,1,35,35,14,0,4,4,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,16,1,1,5,1,0,6,7,3,0,2,11,6,34,2,24,20,4,28,0,1,2,0,15,7,0,2,13,128,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567020301915722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889722802524375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133753603590976,0.0,0.26479496817615816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785071372608727,0.0,0.14762698402640909,0.0,0.15317269841608344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512787594947809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696973183689469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563497489871182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321212308591248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508530284442966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129762500376856,0.0,0.16457936786159624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970685265748202,0.0,0.148600267099927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705226812656327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500481526706766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785562571483705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546488783055914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311461454924421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984280633662707,0.15398990624270978,0.13587922325366533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420072881287766,0.09811606267766362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160776439526869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867248729079454,0.0,0.15611226409156065,0.13854816331784595,0.0,0.14555781547156385,0.0,0.0,0.14483303714462573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538195501206272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146938269788402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156325587395595,0.12105414527609895,0.16586087040234165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225922627011664,0.2299002926869598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835673237842838,0.0,0.0,0.1574941344102867,0.14144255586253102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614489574502222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SkinsAndKeys,2019/03/09,"I'd be lying if I said I don't think about it Every time the doctor or therapist asks me if I'm a danger to myself or others, are you having suicidal thoughts, etc, I always say no.

My answer is more complicated than yes or no. I am not actively planning to kill myself, and I don't think I could even go through with it. I believe in God, and the only thing that could be worse than hell on earth is taking the chance of ending up in an eternal one.
That being said, if there was a button I could push and simply cease to exist, I would. I've always been the one to take the easy way out, which has caused problem after problem for me.

I'll try to keep it short here I guess, but check my post history for more details. 

• Anxiety attack two weeks ago (lots of family getting bad health news simultaneously pushed me over the edge) Usually I can recover from that stuff relatively easily, but this time I couldn't shake it. I started drinking to push the feelings away. I'm 115lbs and sustained alcohol usage does not go well for me.

• The last two weeks have been a blur of trying to stay functional, and self medicating with alcohol and xanax (relatively low dose, avg 1.5mg / day) I finally hit the breaking point and realized that not only is nothing getting better, but the alcohol has caught up to me. I haven't eaten in two days, and the klonopin that the doctor switched me to makes me feel like a zombie.

Knowing that I can take a swig of vodka and feel better nearly instantly is such a fucking temptation, and knowing that there is no magic pill or button to take all this away immediately is nearly impossible for me to stomach.

Anyway, I dumped out the rest of my alcohol this morning, and I'm praying that I will reach some kind of balance soon. I have to find some solution, and I'm scared that I won't, and that some day killing myself will sound like the best option.

Sorry for the length of the post, but just sharing this anonymously makes me feel a little better.",6.285713286713285,6.064650489743593,6.905687645687647,77.12643356643356,65.8974358974359,9.86013986013986,31.060606060606066,9.457814108942452,2.625794871794872,1561,52,302,27,22,515,206,390,0.159,0.7559999999999999,0.085,-0.9809,0,0,6,0,0,2,42.0,0,1,0,5,13,22,7,2,24,1,32,15,1,3,1,64,65,24,3,10,15,0,4,2,0,4,11,4,0,1,22,17,6,1,12,2,1,7,11,13,1,5,8,8,36,9,45,45,10,45,2,1,0,1,7,17,2,14,18,213,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744462231730436,0.35901088504958456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976184504492092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424707659998465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851314876221102,0.09554324987579103,0.1578103511714601,0.0,0.07012263698418629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462054049832937,0.08813540444347541,0.2228294963651101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627409344119423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116175046088627,0.0,0.0,0.1624870495208837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192115180722012,0.07349444555450876,0.0,0.0,0.0822717661937219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438437114239366,0.0,0.09366369898760456,0.05547024835872663,0.0,0.07075964270174967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917208193280105,0.0,0.16985813630406169,0.05999776285137316,0.0,0.0919997174605084,0.07675931265089399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764130662312071,0.08775572790114856,0.0,0.09545941136779597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251719135298514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927043456334989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746483110827905,0.1858303936774796,0.08745579483582551,0.09231016843180412,0.06845768594640535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206010113921446,0.08417343720083903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713996894871243,0.0,0.0,0.11211915283404926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460444720493324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058434420911477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138186603901895,0.1277463311555049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939146559652943,0.0,0.16086577779080585,0.0,0.0,0.16072155687866135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977490442002934,0.06678697621586352,0.08408204158481716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761300976196096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940125484858955,0.059443887843704066,0.08951513767809376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614090833701333,0.09186421636772668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525802812627963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751120872613556,0.055794843950333316,0.10762635240564256,0.0,0.06667344424252772,0.09794280017613427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403844128363705,0.0,0.24611875656883786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249585789355004,0.0,0.0,0.0666621194928777,0.13473284683554768,0.0,0.07551116903302242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558626679295167,0.05965940284041257,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LiteShowDaAgent,2019/03/09,"IDk if this is the right place, but my best friend just attempted suicide and I don't know what to do We lived next to each other for about 3-4 years, but we were together every day. He always seemed fine, like anyone else. I moved away about 6 months ago. Same school, just different house because my sisters went to college and we didn't need as much room. I still saw him at school at least a couple times a week. It just doesn't make sense. I think he's in the hospital right now, but I'm done asking questions. I just don't know where to go, or what to do.",2.5286064030131854,3.668090203389831,3.2233333333333327,95.30518832391716,74.9322033898305,6.600376647834276,20.738229755178907,6.937597516519254,0.10802523540489606,436,9,103,4,9,137,85,118,0.062,0.8079999999999999,0.13,0.8442,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,3,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,23,20,8,1,2,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,1,11,4,13,15,5,21,0,0,1,0,10,9,0,4,10,61,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975768971777698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405740286916263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812880561158437,0.17310196845570164,0.0,0.0,0.15793880830954402,0.0,0.15872741824696346,0.0,0.0,0.10298602534972773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729515332318446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869321083744528,0.0,0.10895419587525207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650937554644552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288724507619524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411301168371798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423416818827474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305248674628241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601414483465974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949374268847172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569320205368686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253696857160159,0.0,0.1491796781676051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277069934436475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348486130409021,0.17955956899348985,0.12419247222580747,0.12526902160540695,0.0,0.0,0.17967269352373375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650937554644552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925471530443666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885526314531911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419584737116548,0.0,0.15379927346953662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491802024369112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479611489473355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825179036655612,0.0,0.0,0.09851196510516066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551580598179194,0.0,0.0,0.15661176327077855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879369025963924
suicidewatch,discountFleshVessel,2019/03/09,"I contacted Dignitas, don’t know how/if to tell my family Some background. “Suicidal” for me is a strange term because for healthy people, it implies a sense of urgency and desperation and irrationality. And of course I’ve experienced times like this, when I don’t think I can take another minute and I start googling things like “tallest bridge in (city)”. But then I remember that it is NOT worth failing, at least not to me. 

My single worst fear is a failed attempt that leaves me crippled somehow, not because I think disability is the worst thing in the world, but because it might keep me from being able to complete another attempt. Or it could render me mentally incompetent to sign a consent to assisted suicide. This brings me to my point.

I’ve been at least some level of suicidal for ... I honestly can’t say how long. And by “some level”, I mean I’d rather be dead than alive, I’d give it all up if I could snap my fingers and end here, etc. It’s been my entire adult life without a doubt. Most of my childhood for sure. There were a few good teenage years in there, but I don’t know if they were actually good, or just exciting, and hopeful that I’d finally be happy/healthy soon. So to me, it’s a confusing concept. I’m safe, in that I’m not going to attempt rashly or on a moment’s notice. If I did attempt myself, it would be a precise, well considered plan with the deadliest method I could find and a long note explaining everything. But part of a well considered plan is thoroughly exploring your other options, so I’ve had just about every kind of therapy and medication you can imagine. Intensive, CBT, partial hospitalization, IOP, over a dozen antidepressants and a few other anti-anxiety or anti-psychotic. Things have helped some, but nothing has made it Worth It. 

Dignitas is an organization in Switzerland that believes in Right To Die. Not just for the terminally ill, but for all of those who can prove that their suffering is unbearable. I sent them an email a few months ago, before starting another therapy program, and after ending the program and seeing no results, I’ve just followed up. 

It’s expensive. It’s a long process. But it’s painless and legal and no one can stop you. And most importantly, it’s guaranteed. When they approve you, you know for a fact your end is coming on your own terms. 

Here’s the problem. I’m a young adult and I’m broke. My parents have shitloads of money, including a trust fund for me (which I plan to donate to less privileged individuals after death), but I don’t have access to it yet. Obviously I could work and save up, but without the college degree they’re funding it’d take years anyway. They’re open minded people, and they’ve known that I’ve been suffering for a while now, and they know I’ve tried almost everything.

They’re the kind of ultra supportive parents who love to say “We want to support you in any decision you find is right for you”,  so clearly this should be a cake walk /s. 

A big part of why I want to die this way is respect for those around me. In the USA where I live, suicide is stigmatized and criminalized to the point that people are institutionalized involuntarily for exercising bodily autonomy. Those who want to complete an attempt without being stopped, shunned, and essentially jailed, have to do so silently and violently, leaving innumerable unanswered questions and robbing their families of a goodbye. 

If I go through Dignitas, I CAN say goodbye. I can include my family and friends in this decision, not have to hide it, and no one will have to find me. No one will have to wonder why I did it. I want my parents to understand that it is NOT their fault, and I want them to be able to say a proper goodbye. 

But they’re never gonna say yes. Even if I had all the money myself and the organization agreed, I don’t think they’d ever give their blessing for me to stop suffering. 

Anti suicide culture is a never ending torture, full of catch-22’s and paradoxes, all of which are meant to prolong suffering and ensure death is as risky and hurtful to others as possible. To me, this culture feels like a literal dystopia. Stay alive, stay happy! :) But don’t you dare alleviate your pain. 

Neurotypicals LOVE to talk about how painful other people’s suicides are for them (boo hoo), but then they do nothing to make it easier on themselves. They make sure we’re shooting our brains out and banging ourselves in closets without a word, because there’s no other way to do it. And because we can’t even talk out the decision with them first. ",5.958818362611865,6.860559484918793,6.538968346039113,75.5977929234339,66.67981438515082,9.77663241630759,34.302369903878024,9.871247098662263,3.40605230361286,3604,163,658,78,56,1178,359,862,0.153,0.69,0.157,-0.7116,4,0,1,1,0,6,115.0,3,12,14,13,32,45,2,3,42,1,69,11,3,6,14,156,114,66,11,19,37,3,2,3,1,6,6,5,1,2,52,41,0,5,25,1,8,8,26,19,2,5,12,9,78,26,96,83,26,83,1,8,1,2,58,34,0,24,40,463,130,7,0.11043279123708324,0.0,0.053883237062871236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894600314916653,0.0,0.055291244220147424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037549042471493994,0.17369761563679306,0.04224039151426342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04915429865618218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829701134503927,0.0,0.046985085791676144,0.06220996950297977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163975866871217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756403563157451,0.11578668054030443,0.0,0.0,0.17634319560960748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461180221488253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562134969408004,0.0,0.061580876909681524,0.07293981709563421,0.049946391035278655,0.04652219477223673,0.0,0.09924987201640513,0.0,0.15615931096738758,0.062133796142615036,0.0279190686917901,0.03944660406264365,0.0,0.06048686244401695,0.15140035579799238,0.04696703790582272,0.0,0.0,0.04266005028469376,0.0,0.0,0.10593719609958076,0.06276150018470714,0.09262578584137317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058778879880642024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037010386071441984,0.0,0.0,0.05484233967744352,0.0,0.0,0.05911029352230621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907886946588872,0.0,0.11499875821765405,0.12138194799381542,0.0,0.0,0.11693238068379358,0.0,0.0,0.03900097316819375,0.08092782543403618,0.0,0.048757088942435085,0.14659431769131095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966990567550132,0.052247088610856834,0.07371474567543061,0.0,0.0,0.06014684206964446,0.0,0.05562470952623957,0.05564513974863967,0.05857586997662782,0.055752819149705285,0.0,0.04407320018757771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517257656766865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596324158083134,0.06286423238351566,0.0,0.0,0.11224817604802284,0.0,0.1175082759669612,0.0,0.1839338187435716,0.11958795131281595,0.0,0.15312038531725713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043946827516625,0.062248189644012276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528346334698304,0.0,0.0,0.06185499995854955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254941244277175,0.0943090003219491,0.0,0.21955147009852807,0.0,0.0,0.044000318417137516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816489803206465,0.11770666190831093,0.0,0.1384901374908907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623866489381751,0.12531782280805825,0.10408159882254966,0.0,0.08303171547984363,0.08876169447658315,0.04826156353175829,0.0,0.12628952109279354,0.0,0.11004995920420793,0.10614131031607547,0.0,0.0,0.032197124323662764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03748830812558964,0.0,0.0,0.05748221514968176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628403037164812,0.08765640946067384,0.0,0.0,0.09929234176720046,0.0,0.0996484173695874,0.0,0.0,0.212906539898406,0.059879825674566574,0.040198193634396175,0.0,0.0,0.03922414321162729,0.0,0.0,0.07111509687539798
suicidewatch,HeCanNeverFly,2019/03/09,"I have no idea. I have no idea.

I have no idea. I’m not sure as to what might happen with me in the future. I’m a student, struggling to get better concentration power to focus completely on my studies. I don’t come from a wealthy family. I come from a family where we get everything we need, but not anything we want. Anything I ask my parents for ( which is considered a demand ), just remains a request. If I want something materialistic, it basically means I’m never getting it. I don’t blame my parents. They’re wonderful. I just hate the fact that they sacrifice so many of their wants for me. I hate the fact that I cause problems at home just because I want something new. I have no idea. Is there any hope in my life? Will I be able to move out of the financial constraint and live a better life in my future? Right now, it all seems like it’s just a road that leads to a valley to me, not sure why. I’ve come to a point where I don’t even fear what awaits me...",1.811605555555559,3.615181305000004,3.6113333333333344,88.96122222222225,78.45,6.644444444444447,23.61111111111111,7.594959193182576,0.9868777777777772,751,25,164,11,18,252,107,200,0.196,0.701,0.102,-0.9375,3,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,2,4,10,11,2,2,13,0,12,2,0,2,6,41,34,5,0,8,9,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,9,0,0,7,0,0,5,11,5,0,0,0,0,29,6,21,31,1,21,1,0,0,0,9,11,0,5,6,107,39,2,0.10821287354988712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358846479147353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809994919435485,0.0,0.10116442910498576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596556332043199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914109856579649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116442974363804,0.0,0.27964742622172495,0.11345913908098075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147358239978352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725475314027206,0.0,0.20402693296743588,0.12176956771328007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696102803245059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569228670166216,0.0,0.0,0.21367561850020972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854633530893808,0.10747980019728604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886366500863349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528679056463107,0.052867343973100375,0.0,0.09555394989629863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971086909747446,0.0,0.11787554298676214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479675809782372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501315909616128,0.0,0.08023847457689931,0.08346043919371862,0.10451266759157704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403151798939254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229614299645416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354510551944644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924132027465078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851293588851937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661511372274188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312759096815572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039787053480281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553070260744009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764528694300116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735224531271753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shithaca,2019/03/09,"Putting on a front I have everything--a good university, a caring family, a nice group of friends, internships lined up (I sincerely apologize if this sounds like bragging) but I am so fucking dead inside. I put on a front to show my emotions (most of them joy), but inside everything is just crumbling and I feel as though bit by bit this whole thing will collapse. I really wished I could end it all, the pain is so fucking unbearable. ",6.47158536585366,6.990080060975611,6.635268292682928,76.70119512195123,65.46341463414635,10.950243902439025,34.692682926829264,10.793553405168565,3.8112263414634135,343,15,64,9,5,110,61,82,0.174,0.6809999999999999,0.145,-0.861,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,2,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,1,10,11,8,1,3,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,7,8,9,5,8,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,2,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370045741440948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040572293434569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979641340872908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251318424800651,0.17726564361741493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987395005143994,0.0,0.18867525321256698,0.0,0.10119737316174464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462854708432416,0.3700545149060371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786889128836985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977788507205824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296428229568196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40239424696368586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821553818903714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329648792009777,0.0,0.1966376523415997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345043361201986,0.23015243193537324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chientze,2019/03/09,"I’m sick of it. I can’t even remember when my depression kicked in. No social life, no job, poor hygiene, no training or employment, habitually play video games which I do NOT enjoy at all, literally one of the only things that keep my mind off of wanting to kill myself.

Psychologists don’t help, got rid of 98% of friends because they were toxic and nothing changed from their behavior. I’m a 24 year old that has done absolutely fuck all with his life except eat fast food nearly everyday with the welfare money I get, can’t hold a job down because I can only ever think of just fucking leaving the venue to go home, I have zero motivation or drive to do anything, girlfriend left me due to “mental problems” but goes out with another guy a month or two later.


What’s the point of living? I legit see no purpose in someone as fucking hopeless and useless as me. I scream out for fucking help, I ask for help, I fucking express myself only to be fucking ignored by people. People can go fuck themselves. Fuck them and fuck this world and fuck me for exisiting for this long.

Cya.",6.523979266347688,6.526207454545458,7.067571770334929,75.41258572567784,65.36363636363636,9.263317384370016,35.12001594896332,8.841846274778883,3.019076236044657,854,37,155,12,12,281,137,209,0.246,0.6940000000000001,0.06,-0.9925,3,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,3,1,4,20,11,0,7,0,12,15,0,1,3,28,33,11,1,2,7,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,8,9,2,3,3,3,2,3,8,17,0,3,3,2,20,3,32,29,2,24,0,3,1,10,14,11,10,3,10,101,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950339255258241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024085977501654,0.0,0.07979650203300719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406466490597524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902955160545736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735171490478049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734900276165987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873406769230608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563769490297015,0.07720954764450554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321302645569283,0.0,0.06594596960262014,0.7891040901392468,0.04459507885157213,0.0,0.09701976335645678,0.0,0.06826713113399904,0.0,0.0,0.08451603361150838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163733600128378,0.0,0.08561920373381796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940566739587087,0.07586849083226982,0.09443396183096818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037986559643378,0.09273973463552693,0.0,0.12057918234311672,0.0,0.0,0.07537106693152958,0.07553752948307094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601894910831756,0.0,0.08618540513596197,0.0,0.068130485090005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190155264293966,0.0,0.08956694793198414,0.0,0.05783955368244832,0.19475165372553047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835044975669334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068917558081737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167433253160368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669190786427097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801782092327385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700987195885608,0.07232201067052067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567068503671704,0.05469279085056625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833805809113045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034528392396896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496657863194132
suicidewatch,aria858,2019/03/09,"No point to live I don't really know from where to start.

I was happy child and I have amazing memories as a little girl. In my everyday life, people know me as a positive person who smiles and laughs a lot. But deep inside I just feel that I am falling apart.

When I was in first grade, there was one day when I got really sick. I just remember how my grandparents took care of me and my first memory after that was in my way back from the hospital. I don't know what exactly happened, but I was near to dead back then and I wish I did die.

From this moment, I started taking many pills to help my body to recover and I gained a lot of weight. In 2019, I am still trying to lose it. I have been on diets in my whole life after. I was bullied all the time in school, it made me sad, self-doubting myself. I didn't want to go out and I was spending most of my time in home, because I knew that if I go out, I will be bullied again. It hurts when my family tells me all the time that I should lose weight, too. I was bulimic at some point just to keep the weight off.

I was leaving with my parents in one room apartment. My father was alcoholic and they fought every day. He was always lying and spent all saved money we had. He took credits on my mother's name. Sometimes he was away for days without knowing where is he. One time he even tried to jump from the window. Everyday, screaming, fighting and me trying to stop them.

When this started, I knew that I can only count on myself, because nobody was giving me any attention. I needed to be strong, to get good grades so I can finish high school with excellent score. I was keeping everything inside me and was trying to move forward and to hope for a better future. I had to become adult at the age of 14.

After 4 years, my mother finally agreed to move out and we managed to get an apartment for us. Now, she is with another alcoholic man, who comes at home almost every day. I am so sick of this, honestly. She changed so much after they have met - now she doesn't want to clean, cook or something like this. He has bad hygiene and with every day passing by, my mother looks more and more like him.

I watch Gilmore Girls, and I just feel so bad, because I wish I had mother like her. She never tried to understand me once and we don't have any connection. I feel alone, like I don't have no body to share with. I don't have many friends and I don't go out often. 

My dream was to study in USA or UK but my father spent all funds we had and I can't save this amount to study and live in one of these countries. I feel like I am in cage - I study something that I don't like just to keep my relatives happy, I don't have with who to go out, I work because there is no one that gives me money even for my everyday life, I feel lost and I can't find my purpose in life. I thought life will different and after these hard years, I will have luck and everything will turn out good for me. And again I am stuck. There is this weird feeling that I don't even belong here. I don't like at all 21st century - people have changed so much and their values, the way of thinking, the technologies. For me a perfect day out is somewhere around nature, having fun, listening to music, talking, not going to different coffee shops and then at some disco/pub.

I am jealous of some of my colleagues - they have the time to explore the world and have good, decent families supporting them. I go to university, go to work, go out from time to time and that's it. I wish I could travel more often and to see the world, to take one of these Erasmus programs, to go to events like my colleagues, just to enjoy my life.

I am stuck - I can't quit my job, because I won't be able to have money to go out or to buy some things. I can't find myself and I just don't know what to do. I wish that I had some support, someone that can advise me what to do and how.

Almost every night, I cry and feel so depressed. I don't see any point in my life and I just feel like there is nothing to live for. I want to die, I am tired to be strong, really, really tired. Most of the days, I just want to sleep and to don't do anything else.

Everything that happened to me and continues to happen has tired me so much that I don't even have power to live and I want to kill myself but in painless way.",2.485312499999999,3.7533856562500034,3.783249999999999,90.73675,75.25,6.861071428571429,22.733035714285712,7.393208230333746,0.6950483928571427,3332,89,740,39,70,1092,318,896,0.142,0.6990000000000001,0.159,0.9334,6,1,4,0,2,3,106.0,5,0,6,15,44,48,4,0,19,0,90,23,3,3,8,143,164,60,4,14,19,7,12,9,1,6,15,2,5,6,33,56,7,4,23,4,10,21,27,14,0,8,38,18,131,34,122,115,22,125,0,6,4,0,52,50,0,19,62,517,164,12,0.045993062305996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830519244338386,0.09211081643073928,0.04763494176716725,0.0,0.0,0.038269912265990906,0.0,0.0,0.0938305786121608,0.04822773603681409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037848371414951815,0.04094357654779919,0.0,0.0,0.0432119960355122,0.07073165186200678,0.07680457178802141,0.14018471944782385,0.05079572382558629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067712602308984,0.0,0.10217584765652986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04689299229788133,0.0,0.09730912291463163,0.03961895067256112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03672171776179645,0.0,0.050521219275310995,0.20763204193379595,0.0,0.039613757169859966,0.0,0.0954670746111046,0.09610592197091512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038421301855807485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151193552883564,0.0,0.15500455462925264,0.0,0.12400679625255524,0.0,0.08671633172874314,0.0,0.1860437939104725,0.06571490580250385,0.0,0.050383151633093835,0.08407365142620468,0.07824335060382685,0.0,0.0,0.03553412584688853,0.0,0.04805895352248247,0.08824147259431751,0.26138917219034297,0.11573039560862515,0.03678485347230656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201453930831425,0.09792094012450234,0.04120074986807059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030828180171564717,0.04859419552063113,0.09226958307599124,0.045681488578444035,0.0,0.0,0.04923652444970921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564101749276461,0.12264224109339378,0.05088450900248144,0.0,0.1263829211044166,0.0,0.0,0.048700012108108405,0.0,0.0,0.2274038205821979,0.20222898339056972,0.046097131241615213,0.1624508665926307,0.0,0.03862258868829743,0.10290894430139104,0.050206860598391835,0.07820331369017056,0.0,0.04351974761965639,0.0,0.09325949256340356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776669297817928,0.10143057847344628,0.03410327292391965,0.03547268503273652,0.0,0.0,0.04316137331869067,0.0,0.04413158372235311,0.0,0.0,0.048981110304715116,0.18699653597010646,0.03497979641047288,0.0,0.0,0.051069852778849324,0.0,0.0,0.0637715966727269,0.040159367970482376,0.0,0.0,0.13043493045205895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489192831603698,0.0,0.0,0.1178573337315582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210117378103185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309486901215012,0.0733010318320564,0.0,0.04798079469932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602627794554297,0.0,0.03896977243874189,0.07081541276175332,0.04548831466018802,0.0,0.09766237867552953,0.0,0.036730118969229,0.03845225952081515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438476412479424,0.0,0.0,0.06916211789376203,0.036967481295323776,0.040199963681721566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030555746916300558,0.029470497207222168,0.0,0.03651335399604757,0.1877324714792499,0.15858677780386546,0.0,0.0,0.1021999690523863,0.156131351209353,0.050027244548611016,0.0,0.04788039989300207,0.055323990977715586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563949893615396,0.10952145617299763,0.0,0.16802147785673116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134961155769841,0.2115590073002268,0.04433567079672432,0.0,0.06696699426698678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592360483665614
suicidewatch,whalep,2019/03/09,"I get more and more suicidal everyday I've been crying to myself on and off for over a week now, and the suicidal thoughts get worse as time goes by. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I feel really hopeless and like I'm just dragging my feet through life.

My boyfriend has been doing so much better and I am so happy for him, but I can't help but think that I don't belong in his life anymore. I think I'm holding him back.

The only person in my family who ever really pays attention to me is my mom, and as much as I love her she has done so much that is hard to forget and forgive.

If I killed myself I bet it would just be my siblings blaming me. I've survived once before and they scoffed. I wonder if they'd scoff again if I died this time. Maybe they'd hide it from the press, so I won't shame the family because I committed suicide. I mean, my mom did risk not calling an ambulance the first time to avoid gossip. I wonder if she'd do it again. I wonder if she'd blame my brother. Or maybe she still thinks I lied, which is okay. He has a family now, and I don't want to hurt them too.

I hope if I did kill myself someday that it wouldn't be a big deal, I don't want my family to suffer even more. I do love them a lot, despite everything. And I hope that my boyfriend would be able to do everything he wants to do and find a girlfriend that treats him well and he has a lot of common with. He really deserves to be happy.

I'm mostly just rambling, I don't think I can kill myself knowing how much it would affect my loved ones.

I'll try to go to sleep now. I hope tomorrow will be better.",2.768108695652174,3.3765862202898598,4.381467391304348,89.25307065217393,73.7536231884058,7.605072463768116,23.94021739130435,7.793537801064563,0.9557173913043476,1246,33,286,16,24,420,162,345,0.198,0.627,0.175,-0.7149,0,1,0,0,0,5,32.0,0,0,5,4,20,26,3,3,12,1,40,7,2,2,2,63,67,29,7,16,14,3,4,2,1,6,2,0,0,1,13,13,0,2,15,0,2,1,9,10,1,2,6,4,58,16,27,46,10,25,0,3,0,3,32,8,0,17,18,200,71,1,0.08287218768835736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821869417657354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372359693748424,0.0,0.050518116422986016,0.0,0.07051812789775504,0.0,0.0,0.14658743094690602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462176929586268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103120679751754,0.0,0.0854375866011463,0.0,0.0,0.08600824698944286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480702061419676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054736298381943424,0.0749626382864037,0.0,0.0,0.148960357329572,0.0,0.3124980924670194,0.0,0.08380533625172837,0.05920390744320855,0.0,0.0,0.07574367819089152,0.07049104051244008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659459528751555,0.0,0.047098174053608215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643796959264962,0.07423720241221432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554748053676229,0.0,0.0,0.2469323440676508,0.0,0.0,0.08871639092374058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750573914231715,0.0,0.045544387058578835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707015397208605,0.08097432973728277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090994087033004,0.2243861548049154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651250262411404,0.09027210720693572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411780924806404,0.0,0.0,0.2436823733882798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825617523248287,0.05615633912670581,0.06302803310079491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236079776018192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927013649041835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293203699120248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661818361382911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27194616789215664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124046065536917,0.0,0.06579126011136256,0.1449703172446824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626477556712516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664049032881565,0.0,0.06647507019029791,0.0,0.07451204928147115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696140573715268,0.0,0.0,0.08445383922350193,0.17661007324375802,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waywardgarlicbread,2019/03/09,I dont want to sleep because then I'll wake up. I'd rather just kill myself instead. I don't want to sleep knowing I'll eventually have to wake up and face another mindless day of meaninglessness. ,3.958916666666667,5.352557725000004,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,71.75,8.333333333333334,30.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.459333333333333,159,7,32,3,3,53,28,40,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.8420000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,6,6,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32858280229966663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101990572643684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208975105033905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672528142827152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466837951695497,0.0,0.17221316110549967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6271678759801433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696529037062245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3irons,2019/03/09,"I don’t know how to live with myself Sorry for this being so long. My girlfriend was staying over last night and I was having some pretty weird dreams. I don’t know if it was the fact that I ate right before going to sleep or that I have a fever. Either way I woke up to my girlfriend pushing me because I had been grabbing her hand and forcing to my crotch while I was asleep. I feel horrible and I don’t know what to say to her. She’s asleep right now but I’m certain she’s going to leave me as soon as she wakes up and probably won’t ever speak to me again and honestly I can’t blame her. I don’t know what to do or what to tell her. I feel so disgusting for what I did and I don only imagine how she feels. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me, and that’s what makes me feel so hopeless. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I don’t know what I would do without her. Most of all I don’t how this happened. All I remember is feeling so happy last night when I was going to sleep. A perfect day and a perfect relationship but that’s miles away. I know that if she leaves me because of this I really have nothing to live for. I know how that sounds but truly you don’t understand how I feel realizing what I was doing. I’m just not a good person and I don’t want me around the people I care about. ",1.6469701560369645,2.8480450801393777,3.502305711255872,92.17792758672931,77.29268292682926,6.245659748522952,21.885926374791694,6.7026698264267655,0.3152328132101201,1026,27,239,9,23,346,129,287,0.083,0.7509999999999999,0.165,0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,2,20,12,1,0,7,0,30,9,7,6,9,62,57,30,0,4,11,0,8,0,2,3,1,3,0,2,17,12,1,0,19,1,0,4,13,3,0,0,12,11,52,9,27,41,6,28,0,1,0,0,23,8,0,7,14,174,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983466688005742,0.0,0.0,0.1037954233762384,0.0,0.0,0.13468974952240814,0.0,0.09400656295071302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263719419341993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124759549666362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997944011746808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351585692707214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835741656898594,0.09266165657506273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769317109038626,0.11760328577820507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250013424487354,0.18010464949652175,0.0,0.2339553290264544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510388344433094,0.09776739236905148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374329282336678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734765473141728,0.0,0.10600427744557572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402164008012647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658984174885902,0.1929259920135489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239335916846588,0.11911133674118785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077347134467257,0.0,0.0,0.11860940497115577,0.12514727129376108,0.1886910458117064,0.0,0.08785459788772082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111068425832464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366834241653225,0.0,0.11775224558983595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656050710142207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078827676041692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500895201030588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516134643282309,0.08769035572835064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649449558482964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847866670629487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Air1Fire,2019/03/09,"I'm just waiting until my life is over I'm almost 25. I can't wait until I can finally stop being alive. I'm terrified of another 50+ years. My life is gonna suck, I'm gonna have a crappy job that I don't want to do or no job at all, and I'm gonna be alone. I see little reason to do anything above the minimum. I do some things because they feel good, i.e. I'm active in my student organisation and I enjoy being on a diet and losing weight. But to be honest all of what I do is just to avoid negative consequences. I live pretty much only because I can't end my life. If I lived in America, I would have already bought a weapon and killed myself with it.

So far my days are just so I can go back to sleep again. My weeks are just so I can make it to the weekend and do nothing again. My years are just so I can make it to the holidays and have a week or few when I don't have to stress about anything. And my life is just so I can make it to death.

Sometimes I look forward to meeting with a friend of mine. But I always want the meeting to last longer and our relationship to be deeper. But I don't want to be egoistic and only talk about myself or scare her off.",0.7427541871087797,2.256619015564201,3.2308611064117763,91.80087125697851,80.63424124513618,6.181627474200642,20.512434444256467,7.079830092131019,0.3225389612586702,905,24,213,11,23,315,124,257,0.16399999999999998,0.737,0.099,-0.9304,2,2,0,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,1,1,17,11,3,3,9,0,33,7,1,4,2,41,56,24,2,5,13,0,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,7,11,2,4,2,2,1,2,7,7,0,0,1,4,33,4,28,45,5,26,0,1,2,0,8,9,1,6,17,148,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806644047840282,0.13245865514837124,0.14113318850578038,0.0,0.10641728368592827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410704032160978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104902070284909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983418802930276,0.0,0.15592486289725305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248045303349523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327530375855108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466658146800595,0.0,0.0,0.14010061227903006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988098724788624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268458180953044,0.10727064344933886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538282853895216,0.0,0.14149473853245145,0.0,0.0,0.1042499257719344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613386444303788,0.0,0.12818245984864204,0.2258638566383091,0.0,0.1073979722911458,0.14307963712360716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256108861970134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401612567782787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271685474085695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453689321348774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011323564744745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314953816433995,0.0,0.13730929988384444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804327918463865,0.0,0.10191422238868347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798543783155988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264895213749887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692433735804308,0.1465010852866694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279560916722308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496647615043051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263039476596844,0.0,0.20517622071893585,0.1557393107334813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085157103586736,0.0,0.0,0.16471789429890174
suicidewatch,parydise,2019/03/09,"I wish I had the strength to end it now, once and for all. I can’t ever do anything right. I feel empty and hopeless. I’m too exhausted to see another day. I can’t see the point of living when everything hurts. The pain is just going to inevitably grow so much more. Loneliness is strangling me. Darkness is clouding my heart and soul. I don’t feel anything. The light from within me is put out. How will I ever feel true happiness when thoughts of death accompany me everywhere I go? The door for me to leave this plane of Earth is here. I could leave now and see what’s on the other side. Maybe death will be the next great adventure. 

Only if I have the guts to do it now. When the time comes again, this time I’ll be ready to say goodbye ",0.9509829721362236,3.24899940789474,2.2589009287925705,94.79260061919508,84.52631578947368,5.681733746130033,20.78328173374613,7.048011613610866,0.4206226006191951,578,18,128,8,17,185,93,152,0.174,0.7,0.126,-0.7233,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,14,9,0,0,9,0,17,4,2,1,4,19,29,10,2,3,2,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,2,8,15,5,15,22,3,25,1,2,3,0,1,6,0,1,14,84,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617151799008942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25382307756070743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284856935036668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313369198142995,0.0,0.0,0.09946041064385208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659488779792825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790051981563155,0.0,0.0,0.1386047601986243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23393778202685375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529579647960403,0.0,0.0,0.17003026374217606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417215226743062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275377416850846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509780602186214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32659759161105056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361808228776795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493669530629098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337089120089318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401681216406114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424136224487404,0.0,0.11729275587596008,0.16410304699498549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578960833736834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503567384203668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317047176850274,0.0,0.12264349866056035,0.0,0.0,0.368684823000824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243501552195055,0.1798561390680254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734765166612426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImALostHuman,2019/03/09,"I don’t even know anymore Obviously a throw away account,  I don’t want to say much to give away my personal situation. But basically my only chance of a decent life was just denied, I’ve spent the night drinking, and I just don’t even know anymore. I’ve been suicidal in the past but nit sure I am now. So this may be the wrong place. I don’t know. Who ever really knows if they are “suicidal” the  omens they decide to tale their life? I just know it all sucks right now and I don’t know what my future looks like. I feel for those in pain..... I wish I could help..  but I too am in pain.... and at this point I don’t know what the next step in life is. ",0.7087582417582396,2.3672757000000004,2.6857142857142877,94.98851648351648,81.28571428571429,6.307692307692308,17.912087912087916,7.321109707123232,-0.053384615384615135,498,10,123,7,13,167,81,140,0.132,0.778,0.08900000000000001,-0.8381,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,0,10,6,1,0,7,0,15,6,0,0,4,27,29,8,2,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,7,3,1,0,9,1,2,2,6,4,0,0,3,3,18,2,12,23,2,19,0,0,1,0,8,10,1,2,8,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641614253134437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25025766228247504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633495423946217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046761335142845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593085089077154,0.12047070343264855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734079829929444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776026725118644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926905732170361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123532375921827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822110611842692,0.06506597610777394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183929976860546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790406130072103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164052044015846,0.1249822431109168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129087845893224,0.2834299810550592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271372462421003,0.0,0.11628934635159233,0.1391467970154488,0.0,0.12589999602611726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853197709215576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373666218236002,0.0,0.10591163643338987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970209792819528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913588857123896,0.0,0.12552241678173262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855416789595149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315267593241216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456135609309604,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joshietwink,2019/03/09,"I want to hurt, I want pain I just want someone to beat the shit outta me.. Like punch and pummel my face in, completely wail on me to where everything goes numb and keep going. Let out all your anger and pent up rage! I don’t mind... I’d be willing to pay you for it! Hell knock me out if you got it in you to eventually do so...",-0.06380952380952465,1.5754750000000044,2.18809523809524,97.69500000000002,83.72222222222223,5.780952380952384,17.23015873015873,6.868970318607317,-0.35495079365079363,248,5,64,3,7,84,52,72,0.263,0.618,0.119,-0.9391,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,1,3,8,4,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,13,11,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,7,0,0,1,0,12,1,12,7,1,8,1,1,0,0,4,7,2,1,1,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28919362090136136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24789060130651044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675572878435673,0.0,0.22059967006124606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952726468448609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451628443678381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820461964638671,0.0,0.1347524646745848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785011120471601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934935491214194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831268314207281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337026827854659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880600446341058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiffySlays1,2019/03/09,"Fear I'm scared all the time, so much fear it eats me up inside, I'm also heartbroken and the other person moved on like I was nothing instantly and I'm here 6 months later fucking stuck, what the fuck is wrong with me?
As time ticks away it does nothing to erase my feelings it only increases my anxiety and upset because I should be over this, they are so why can't I let go?
We used to tell eachother "" it will never be over "" they liked that yet it seems not in reality. 
I sound like some fucking desperate saddo, truth is I'm attractive smart funny intelligent , I get asked out all the time but I haven't been able to be with anyone else in any capacity except mindless chat. 
I'm asking help here because I'm really at my lowest and between the hurt and rage I feel I'm so completely and utterly stuck on a person who was only ever abusive to me and cruel.
In reality and logic on paper I see them as the fake that they are, but emotionally I cant let go. 
And as another hour ticks past and they have moved on and I'm stuck in losing my shit.
I can't live my life like this I'm waiting to see a counsellor but it's s long wait i dont feel I cant stay here much longer feeling this way.
Someone please help. ",1.9679251336898425,3.6210698941176496,4.062219251336899,86.5831684491979,77.50980392156862,7.146167557932265,22.963458110516928,8.00094639256281,1.136137254901961,953,29,204,16,22,327,139,255,0.233,0.662,0.105,-0.991,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,5,1,9,21,6,4,8,0,21,6,1,1,5,36,51,21,0,1,5,0,4,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,14,15,1,2,6,1,0,5,8,14,0,0,6,7,26,7,26,38,6,32,0,2,2,3,15,14,4,2,15,125,40,1,0.10704215776255817,0.1268274532854622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560157488945135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279233791053487,0.11224303559171044,0.0818869577010871,0.0,0.0,0.07484636556171588,0.1096773402847096,0.0,0.0,0.20013993575769545,0.0,0.10056963083028546,0.0,0.0,0.13050381168533468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223166585176628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367331360238647,0.0,0.12545261168932595,0.0,0.0,0.10953085049507816,0.08941998746093607,0.1204080200023282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682575997541956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240904373948344,0.21649492488689376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296876249991403,0.05592510942880145,0.0,0.12166905008791093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349620399279206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541496339543034,0.0,0.1145908437833838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189157172805768,0.07560704164038583,0.20918156549820008,0.0,0.09452018640757964,0.09472894119959904,0.0,0.11975279421274515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544002908431975,0.2275377469773205,0.15737660476801565,0.0,0.08255751100619155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054196746322681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162820768965578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218385165697688,0.0,0.1869301666995365,0.0,0.1175001450665994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857394723379424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716787357572337,0.0,0.17059748188374876,0.09744716020474503,0.0,0.0,0.10987723670612592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069647290728422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409269776260612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355956395856177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725142900473352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245005596228943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496508242959329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658889803812898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703379575391702,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shankd420,2019/03/09,"I feel like by staying alive, I’m hurting everyone around me When I was younger I made my mum choose between me or my dad ( he was an alcoholic and quite abusive) because I couldn’t take anymore and she wasnt strong enough to kick him out. She chose me but she was absolutely heart broken and since then her depression has gotten worse. I wish I had just necked myself before I could open my stupid fucking mouth. Recently I’ve lost all my friends and I feel like my life is crumbling apart and now I realise that no one wants me around because all I do is hurt people. I’ve always known this but now its really kicking in. I don’t know why I’m posting this I guess there’s some small part of me that wants to stay alive and wants to blame my doings on the people around me. If I stay alive I think I’m just gonna keep hurting everyone. I’m fucking lost and I just want all of this to end 
",1.2665110356536502,3.400147252688175,2.3752065647990968,95.4696519524618,81.84946236559139,5.421165817770232,21.617430673457843,6.5966054737557815,0.2639505376344085,703,22,157,7,19,223,109,186,0.205,0.684,0.111,-0.9693,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,10,13,3,0,2,0,13,7,3,1,3,39,36,13,0,8,7,2,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,12,1,1,6,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,9,2,33,4,14,24,6,19,0,6,0,2,9,9,2,4,8,95,39,0,0.0,0.1356586475858068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236105187115645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526957027382696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354893966171024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057762648686884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959099658161042,0.0,0.09742738295996876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141547664304588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098614953603071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140918033168496,0.11830463469661233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188110403627255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157849028681606,0.16359146038474606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845907134460748,0.21169880563914187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261298898895815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567792133163126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367709951371046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176901308420228,0.0,0.0,0.06292382642470103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087167841975595,0.11187360283698324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24997110005174325,0.0,0.0,0.10833857222700152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758522979594898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398765409954755,0.0,0.15875376375204228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965520322781368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178023958873105,0.0,0.0,0.07334885862935904,0.0,0.113050662186396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947120021619978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661114532447723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608649538010456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336420280176925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701300527890302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331453435529901,0.0,0.1316643710401263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668087032029245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fregonics,2019/03/09,"I can't interact with people anymore  I'm going to do it today when my sister go to her class. There's no other logical thing to do.
I lost all my socialization abilities, the most essencial skill for a human beings in a society, I'm completely alone, and I cannot make any connection.
After my suicide attempt last year I got professional help, but I see now how make me better was impossible. Because it seems like even them got any clue of how to understand the situation, because this is natural for them, it's like explain vision to a blind person.
I just would like to know if anyone is in the same situation as me, because in no whole life I didn't see anyone like I am now. I would like to know your story.",6.084003496503499,5.7344248391608446,7.554676573426575,72.73663024475526,66.34265734265736,10.78636363636364,32.560314685314694,10.411451182825502,3.307825874125875,564,21,108,13,8,196,92,143,0.093,0.7140000000000001,0.193,0.9451,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,2,4,8,7,0,0,6,0,12,2,0,4,1,20,28,7,1,3,3,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,5,3,18,6,16,20,4,12,0,1,3,0,11,3,0,3,12,75,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415202485005866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024308648137047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147608014492788,0.20814298515102467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219210379067743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163575117168033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605456446376725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830656976960186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917694730885438,0.0,0.23807983955497036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997634555557416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635957343240778,0.12132342073238699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051291884873919,0.3635753983727051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247504322428352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987020005627056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031860267938637,0.12996022792695844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23721037669659475,0.13549717923698726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33460191115135146,0.0,0.15172232970359975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280540042440575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988818309252186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108170178547874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494635493023978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617311375279362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114615103150563,0.0,0.0,0.09584725477837476
suicidewatch,talhu,2019/03/09,"Been really stressed I have social anxiety, bipolar, major depression, hasimoto’s thyroiditis, and chronic suicidal ideation. It’s been like this for half my life. This is the first time I’ve publicly stated any of that (it’s always been with my psychiatrist and therapist).

I have a lot of problems in my life and recently it’s been very bad. For the past two months my employer put me on personal leave because I requested an ADA accommodation, four months ago, that still hasn’t been reviewed. Two months unpaid. I’ve been looking for work; job boards applying non-stop, temp agencies, staffing agencies—I can’t land anything, even though I get interview after interview. My personal life is in shambles and I rarely leave my house. I’m going to be homeless soon, and the only joy I get is from my two cats and trying to escape for a few hours into GW2. But even that has been a shitshow. I worked really hard on something that everyone thinks I’m lying about. It hurts. 

I don’t eat anymore and rarely feel hungry. I’ve stopped taking my medication. I just don’t see the point anymore. I worked and tried so hard to get help and get a job and be successful, but really, it just bought me a little more time here to fuck me over again and again, proving to me even more that I’m a worthless piece of shit and so is my time here. No one fucking gives a shit about me—everyone just thinks I’m lying, I’m pointless.

How can I die painlessly? I don’t want to feel anymore pain. I’m so tired of pain. I have many plans, but haven’t worked out the details. ",3.633540983606558,5.447638714754099,4.4499672131147525,84.88806557377049,73.327868852459,8.027540983606556,27.60983606557377,8.726425361277474,2.08084,1228,47,243,24,25,395,155,305,0.213,0.743,0.044,-0.9945,3,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,7,19,15,4,1,13,0,24,15,2,1,1,31,47,20,2,2,6,0,4,1,0,0,10,0,0,2,12,15,1,1,5,0,1,2,7,12,0,7,8,6,26,3,26,37,6,30,0,3,2,2,9,10,4,1,18,146,38,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989703406063645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749974707781735,0.0,0.0,0.06129319928628998,0.0,0.06895112537104456,0.0,0.26816169926121425,0.0,0.0,0.07417137801271644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525688311312254,0.05494394304989084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776310009573864,0.0,0.09354331790285646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222806191007156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859502337012725,0.0,0.0,0.17225095650561129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114741301393416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666666910171642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665211088978288,0.18836207082894146,0.08646331896867716,0.05122438396729003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148205476893074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060413923227511934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876236901601116,0.10400081802044688,0.09648871881311798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888522199417642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908746332935961,0.0,0.0,0.19098977737491968,0.04403419284615297,0.0903364562014668,0.0,0.0,0.07568861005992171,0.0,0.0,0.07662743897177629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138022083377838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907990239384163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582873472732825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061076123128458226,0.06854983729482485,0.19181469626287226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604168190269568,0.0,0.1574004667114271,0.0,0.0,0.0852043577300851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624464181591023,0.0,0.09060806984537192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322358647750705,0.0,0.08899498244201345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718239429793513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503945771690208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187874585489936,0.0,0.06938841161080428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197994092402349,0.15070963265990167,0.1032464885608666,0.0,0.0,0.09859033959352788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677684322822905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465079399362856,0.0,0.1155065492575495,0.08855473591900294,0.0,0.1576709786232689,0.103594064108682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238811908942855,0.0,0.2641391038848854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436876226585908,0.05316249113468882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624701703381556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piicklechiick,2019/03/09,"I don't know where else to go my dad died 01/15/18 

I haven't been on FB since then until recently I joined  a meme group and decided to untag myself in all personal photos. 90% of which were my dad. he was my best friend. I can talk for hours about what's going on but I don't want to. long story short, I have my life mostly together for the first time but I don't want to be here. I don't want to exist. I tried reaching out to everyone around me and no one responded. I tried the suicide hotline and they took too long. idk what else to do. I've been drinking and I think I want to take a bunch of sleeping pills and just go be with my dad again. I hate hurting people and I know a few people would be super broken up if I did but fuck.",-0.4594932984635527,1.5974348322981378,1.7134946060804204,97.8702353710363,88.87577639751551,4.880156914024192,16.548218372016994,6.339386263674448,-0.4723614906832298,572,13,137,6,19,191,98,161,0.213,0.7140000000000001,0.073,-0.9703,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,3,7,6,2,0,5,0,17,5,1,0,1,25,31,12,2,6,5,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,9,1,0,4,1,0,4,6,3,0,2,6,0,23,3,21,21,5,21,0,1,0,1,10,8,1,2,9,93,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298931616802216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685648626431186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670223837513234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735026185470855,0.0,0.0,0.2683612982482538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348301009358434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662659861278514,0.0,0.0,0.12409761881801575,0.14849419786519694,0.0,0.0,0.2738587744643298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585828371151274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581821762385522,0.0,0.17195119613780924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654937831764972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134534035815404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842941758755282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884290471033498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227127615129237,0.14025058502486668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585967133712949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286974148759464,0.0,0.16073989045654752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569646513365406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076917524310345,0.1291033982998886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292130287818776,0.0,0.0,0.09366108184799216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845905169194673,0.2181061550961621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789605273122405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141026027924366,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_DarthBater,2019/03/09,"A waste. I feel like my life has been a complete waste. I don’t want to kill myself Per se. However at the same time I hope and pray everyday that I won’t wake up on the next. I hate existing. I hate being. All my friends have surpassed me, financially, emotionally, life has continued to progress for them. And for me it has not. And I know that it is my fault, so I’m not mad at anybody. But I just hope I die very soon. Life is horrible and I don’t want to be apart of it anymore. ",-0.3852243589743587,1.6474427211538476,2.0861538461538487,95.54217948717951,88.13461538461539,6.1589743589743575,21.166666666666664,7.492282038375204,0.6364705128205124,369,13,91,7,12,126,66,104,0.23,0.588,0.182,-0.8692,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,4,0,4,0,12,4,1,0,1,16,21,6,2,4,4,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,17,4,10,17,2,10,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,6,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048774326947952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660110148831505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144032671759949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323810268928741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044559011960732,0.14758481459303768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960754446181968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079210780482713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103722855478402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285563902155923,0.0,0.11353405898490172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377526175511919,0.10092730325727227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970616004135776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120461741552976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045477927342295,0.2436991127966841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uglyandawkward12,2019/03/09,I am sad and lonely I really don't know how I came up to be like this. I was a really happy kid with real dreams and goals. But now it's like everything has fallen apart. You know sometimes you just wish to escape from this world. I have disappointed the only people who love me i.e. my parents by not being good in my academic career. I look like fucking Jabba the Hutt with all that extra weight and my skin tone is dark. I can't even talk to people because I ve been ignored by most of them. Recently I tried talking to a guy I had a crush on by dming him on insta and it took me real huge guts to say thank you to him for something he did. But the moment I saw him face to face he ignored me. It was like he was disgusted with me. Experiences like this make me wonder am I so fucking ugly that no one wants to talk to me? My insecurities has had a huge impact on my self esteem and confidence. Sometimes I just feel like killing myself and disappearing from this world. But I can't let my parents go through all this because of me. I can't break them like that. I want to die but I can't. ,2.090588100686496,3.561607230434785,4.009313501144168,87.87859267734554,76.69565217391305,6.9290617848970255,22.105263157894736,7.669130373188453,0.7969130434782605,853,23,187,12,19,290,125,230,0.119,0.748,0.134,0.1093,2,2,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,3,2,1,6,21,4,1,7,0,21,8,4,2,2,33,38,12,2,3,7,2,3,7,0,0,0,1,0,3,12,10,1,2,4,1,0,5,7,10,0,1,10,6,39,11,27,25,4,19,0,3,2,3,22,10,2,2,10,129,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986371222560008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058954433034368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757319639484224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118854630607078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047399281945568,0.12024089502927293,0.0,0.0,0.062152845772393474,0.08781520349463214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727804560274303,0.0,0.0,0.0698591683785502,0.1031007918906426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171169292716358,0.0,0.1308523108784739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599451930149747,0.0,0.13510897473866595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569564686471116,0.0,0.4203729352981784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322317117353576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094152788520624,0.0,0.0820511111902438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329484591292691,0.09348740297119744,0.0,0.0,0.2729797423856116,0.0,0.0,0.17043669683780466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798233449493888,0.15749342738276007,0.0,0.12137023389549698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775217655557937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823401932640072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463104004012428,0.243145177474184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963991368158524,0.0,0.11316967864055133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657040164453008,0.08345568610900338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500466894723255,0.0,0.0,0.14968537289242614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135375414693152,0.0,0.13330321333832848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qweernstrom,2019/03/09,"I just don't want help (kinda). I have a lot of trouble vocalizing this to anyone, but, and possibly to my benefit, I'm hammered right now, so maybe I can get this across without lying or anything:

I *hate* being alive. I hate it. About 11 years ago, when we were in high school, my best friend was killed in a car accident. Since then, I  really just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I think I've always had depression, and this event exacerbated it, but I've tried medication, and I just don't like it. I feel stoned/drunk, and I don't want 'check out' for a lifetime. Outside of  that, I don't feel anything at all, outside of general angst.

I have a problem. I'm not a great person. When I'm in a relationship, I constantly get told how kind and considerate and nice and blah, blah, wonderful I am. I make a conscious effort to be a kind person. I try *really* fucking hard to be considerate and positive and good. Then there's a breakup. At first, I'm told how nice I am, and how I'll find someone. Someone *ELSE.* EVENTUALLY. And then I  start drinking or something. Whatever is on hand to dull the pain. 

And theeeen... I get told what a monster I am. ""Hey, look, it's good to hear from you, but I'm pretty drunk right now, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind for a reasonable conversation, y'know?"" 

""*Well, hey, y'know, get some help blah blah blaah pity, pity, pity*"" 

""Hey, maybe don't break up with me to be with the guy who raped you? The former knee-breaker for drug-dealers? Y'know, for general sanity, your happiness, mine, and that of your children?""

""*You fucking creep! Don't contact me anymore!!!*""

You *dragged* the ""I love you"" out of me. Now, you want me to go from constant communication to no contact overnight? What the fuck? How is that fair?

How the fuck is it okay to do that? *Make* someone care about you. *Make* yourself important to them. And then just 'nope' out of the whole thing. 

I don't want to medicate my life away. I don't want to be alone forever. I don't let people in because I know they'll leave, and when I do, I get hurt. Every breakup feels like the end of the world. I feel dead inside when I'm alone. I don't enjoy anything. I drag myself to work, back home, I do laundry, dishes, garbage, etc. When I'm in a relationship, it's better, ish. I feel valuable. Good. I feel like I have meaning, and a tangible, consistent reason to exist, survive, and better myself. And theeen there's a breakup. I have no independent self-worth. 

Every. Single. Relationship. is ride-or-die, for me.

I feel like I don't understand things? I'm so tired. I'm angry all the time. I'm constantly on the verge of breaking down and just shouting at everyone around me. I have grudges and bitterness against people I dated for 3 months 8 *years* ago. I don't know  what to do. I don't have the spine to kill myself, but every so often these people force themselves into my life, give me hope, pretend to care (and probably do, for a while), and then ditch when I reciprocate. I just can't keep doing this. I need an end-game or I'll die by 30, drunk, in my own piss and vomit.

It's like I started a lap behind, and constantly get chastised for not being *happy* about it. Like, no, I'm not *thrilled* to be half-deaf. No, I'm not happy I had no friends in school. No, I'm not okay with the best person I've ever known being dead. NO. No, I'm not okay with one of the very few people I let myself care about leaving me by choice. Sorry, but no, I'm not terribly excited by my life. 

I feel like I'm a problem. Like I need help. But at the same time, I don't want it? I don't want help unless there's someone there to benefit from it. I am so tired. I feel like garbage all the time. Relationships are a brief reprieve, and then it's worse. And then back to the usual shit. I don't get this. I don't know how to exist *between* people who matter. I'm exhausted.

Sorry if this is rambly nonsense, I'm pretty far gone, and I figured if anyone would get it, it's you guys.",0.2808990147783241,2.590401163793107,2.355864039408868,92.63482561576357,88.47044334975371,5.415487684729063,20.312118226600987,6.918507183188421,0.4264324729064044,3043,99,667,44,100,1017,304,812,0.247,0.586,0.166,-0.9963,0,2,3,0,0,1,199.0,1,10,2,8,39,65,12,0,37,3,60,24,4,12,4,126,140,63,5,15,26,0,11,13,2,2,10,2,1,6,32,37,4,1,26,4,1,4,38,24,1,2,8,15,89,41,83,120,13,76,0,6,1,6,43,30,6,11,49,412,121,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881596881987397,0.0,0.0,0.10377080583734596,0.0,0.0,0.041684732759594285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968278109504645,0.07005800059883009,0.0,0.12367673358009065,0.044596967841332213,0.0,0.0,0.04706779817600228,0.07704303017523706,0.0,0.0305386776251076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514746080245868,0.08861348392521247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323174811445708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654831975698907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051647826542726,0.043148488811575236,0.0,0.051992796127215066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049076006206741934,0.05809663695890255,0.0,0.041849630827565466,0.0,0.08874217799756612,0.0,0.05587141841635648,0.0,0.04531562153640403,0.12662669680292699,0.04786984824300615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279750211848458,0.17894660090020706,0.0,0.0,0.04578776752173308,0.04261249852712868,0.0,0.0,0.07740966477676807,0.1852555461986223,0.2093889968042312,0.04805762524148745,0.0284712902221332,0.12605700738422512,0.0,0.05523213999158963,0.0,0.09920784954034537,0.0,0.15998762391802515,0.04487708871158405,0.09892086872700492,0.0,0.0,0.056462981032519385,0.0,0.1343159025800317,0.052930250789863784,0.05025139443264268,0.049757643294759034,0.0,0.0,0.053629894665874714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452853205309434,0.11084985743521343,0.10433667171000978,0.1927240793497889,0.0,0.0,0.1060910187619915,0.0,0.1024551916264374,0.1061550175903389,0.22027385561507146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04206887846424807,0.0,0.0,0.04259069382537393,0.045214515308722635,0.0,0.1003204470064907,0.0,0.10065837759291373,0.05457033982520789,0.0,0.10093495176390448,0.0,0.0,0.05058370784770213,0.0,0.039986962385085166,0.0,0.0,0.0742926092006963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03394703640249695,0.0,0.053306760015482936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736548248712338,0.13122835323022838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056476861386079685,0.0,0.10193335647350588,0.054013059303070494,0.09587216232069057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418686599295129,0.1030161577719499,0.0,0.21514179925725355,0.0,0.12834774077212388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140171498405796,0.0,0.0,0.0522621162738262,0.0,0.05142386979771401,0.04144077156957247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978816554588697,0.03856713252589968,0.0,0.11215902189680976,0.07091785538920656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656446639454068,0.06420029352756698,0.0,0.0,0.08763592344726717,0.11515830688806215,0.0,0.14360954472901846,0.0,0.0680251745059779,0.0,0.0,0.05215276324884514,0.0,0.0,0.055174788461368585,0.041335287024323764,0.20683963725082333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504323623510265,0.0,0.0,0.05593153232791216,0.0,0.04829173832523155,0.05432807980095872,0.03647122627732457,0.0,0.05105314197889778,0.03558748474163699,0.0,0.0,0.06452167511470461
suicidewatch,ragman77,2019/03/09,"An acquaintance committed suicide This is slightly complicated. My brother's ex wife's husband committed suicide yesterday. Went off to work, never showed up to work, missing person's report filed, police found the body (all within a < 6hr period). Wife drove over after hearing he was missing (Evidently there was a previous suicide attempt - never reported but similar circumstances. Told her I was sure it was too late, go now), body found by police en route (wife knew when she saw all the cars out front). Ex SIL isn't tracking well, his family is there to help support. I had to tell my sister, brother and mother (all of whom are estranged from the ex.), to their credit, none of them even considered gloating (my brother was concerned about my mother). I'm not really looking for advice or sympathy, but talking about it is cathartic and I'm on night shifts right now and it's my day off. Actually mostly sympathetic towards ex SIL, but feel some loyalty to brother (I had to prove to him that I wasn't sharing information about his state of mind to my wife who is closed friends with SIL - lied, trusted wife's discretion which is 1000% better than mine).",7.17230769230769,7.87275390140845,7.2535211267605675,72.2412351029253,63.97652582159624,10.309714698447094,36.102925243770315,10.214889679676881,3.8746485373781137,923,42,154,20,13,297,137,213,0.084,0.745,0.171,0.9752,1,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,2,4,11,10,0,0,6,0,15,2,2,0,9,28,31,8,3,0,5,17,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,6,1,1,5,6,2,1,0,15,4,18,8,29,16,6,27,0,2,2,0,36,10,0,3,11,100,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.14664333960432174,0.0,0.0,0.14684360319623996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290295954695652,0.0,0.3338355944828445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691270734640317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925293052226884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166262780295344,0.0,0.07598180240785259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32952995998210144,0.116099413888896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540277540233851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936693946936485,0.0,0.1007238412055477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951283496759467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261902411474651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517314110681402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317973409061216,0.0,0.0,0.1410196543607558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121130666366926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626779217603898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833106839719932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931180022305179,0.1705263552287504,0.14162914177638514,0.0,0.0,0.12078256630904645,0.1313439436195235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359088984535578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351121553525693,0.1393032169063312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879893198439293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cygnenoir_,2019/03/09,im done i dont understand whats wrong with me and im so done with life ,-4.381228070175439,-3.1423926315789465,-0.07789473684210435,106.90140350877192,106.89473684210527,4.63859649122807,11.596491228070176,6.42735559955562,-1.2129087719298246,56,1,18,1,3,21,14,19,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.3724,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5674836791027452,0.32495650075071986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5989949047216867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584287128606812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288646183628514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031494699524312,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eggypegg,2019/03/09,"i write to try and cope i guess Hey you, is it nice up there?
.
Where they say the grass is green, perfect, and square.
. 
please answer me.
.
i’m waiting on you...
.
i’m wondering if i should go too.",-2.073867595818818,-0.3445178292682911,-0.06668989547038251,105.9729268292683,105.34146341463415,3.3184668989547035,13.174216027874564,5.288315135182226,-1.4256857142857153,143,3,37,1,7,46,33,41,0.0,0.789,0.211,0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,9,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,3,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,3,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25388538990285103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921204282073217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903723686890069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552554379717719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30329847748230515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844566444065481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kidkiyoshi,2019/03/09,"Could finally be time It's crazy, I didn't want to have a kid but then I end up having one with a girl and hes incredible even though she's severely abusive.

Watch him all the time, feed him, he sleeps on me, everything that I thought would be lame before I'd even known I'd be a dad in my late 20's. 

Then one day, she just takes him and leaves. Out of nowhere, disappears a few days ago and he's not even one.

I'm seriously gonna have to go through the same custody battle that my parents went through?

I grow to love my child and now, being the dad, theres no chance in hell I'll get a fair shake?

Hell even if I kill myself now, I'll be seen as selfish for doing it to him, lol. What a world man. No one probably has any clue I feel this way. Maybe ill just go somewhere remote so I'm just never found but presumed dead pretty much, to spare him.

Parents out there, hold your kids and listen to what they have to fuckin say, for real. 

I feel oddly calm and kind of excited to be gone? Idk. At least I know that I can make a decision on it, the pain of having my family implode with no warning is a bit too on the nose for me. I'm good without all of that.

That feeling when you're no longer scared to die is so weird. You feel intensely empty but also not? Hard to explain.",0.9574909090909108,2.591381767272729,2.6883636363636363,95.38054545454548,80.41818181818181,6.0,20.454545454545453,6.918507183188421,0.14630909090909094,986,26,237,11,25,326,163,275,0.277,0.62,0.104,-0.996,2,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,2,1,0,17,17,5,2,13,1,20,7,2,1,3,41,43,18,3,4,10,4,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,5,11,10,1,1,11,0,0,7,9,12,0,4,6,10,27,5,32,28,7,32,2,1,2,2,26,10,3,1,14,148,38,0,0.0,0.14853738528365626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111287778339277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025458826823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852527056392025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667664006269577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686644257431504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000939941291132,0.0,0.0,0.16170049965798655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010939286163786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103644889795604,0.0,0.0,0.3312104036182608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267025158053845,0.0,0.11818325132906896,0.0,0.25355385791356005,0.0,0.0,0.1373315626595134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745658500417424,0.0,0.0,0.06549819704696946,0.0,0.1424959825482522,0.10515046902899366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230268807577626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386981343954434,0.13054867232162204,0.06889749245993222,0.0,0.14141752337351854,0.13274375555241666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314708139483627,0.0,0.08368231385803056,0.0,0.12594629805066612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215792311324436,0.0,0.09668945092499162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33980309771944395,0.0,0.13339752230415428,0.0,0.2784066680856025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754158374812474,0.13516500123069194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426931618425357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969552148858966,0.12551253939885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162710963805855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545584126402085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425910665891177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317077460743255,0.09952604788866563,0.14620303377791108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394370436731483,0.09950914299363886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621489273436672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084767932763835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905591501326329,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaesarMellark,2019/03/09,"some lives just aren’t worth living. looking at it logically, some people’s lives are so joyful and they are happy there is no reason for them wanting to die they wanna live forever. but for people like me who don’t have a lot of happiness come our way and our left to our own devices even in traumatic situations suicide is the logical solution to an end to all the pain and never ending depression and anxiety. 

i’ll probably do it soon, but it doesn’t matter way. ill die a statistic regardless",6.0274570446735405,6.555246195876293,7.259329896907217,71.81140034364263,66.42268041237114,11.00274914089347,32.66151202749141,10.864195022040775,3.768272852233677,399,16,71,11,6,136,71,97,0.242,0.578,0.18,-0.897,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,3,0,3,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,1,2,20,12,7,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,10,12,5,10,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,3,5,53,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194661616975255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452272973913582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345050956486714,0.0,0.3241502174813999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766325187368315,0.0,0.0,0.10314582406738047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324821061778768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967424660976302,0.0,0.0,0.07629456335150223,0.0,0.5515879055742843,0.0,0.13113966856118595,0.0,0.0,0.13276630316629756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204444423886563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617107695043618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165309559846516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837279608012365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056411865295273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755365381027593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081968406335124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211044385371407,0.2479137718909936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madammayorislove,2019/03/09,"My reason for so long was ""My mom would be sad"" but now I don't even know if she would be. I know a common thought for people with suciide is ""x person would be sad"" and that's what's kept me alive for the past 8 years with my on/off again suicidal thoughts. What would my mom think? How could I put her through it? What if she found me? What would that do to her?

But then tonight, I realized...what if she wouldn't care? What if I died and she just...was okay?

I've gone to therapy, I'm on Lexapro and for awhile, the thoughts went away. But the truth is, I'm in debt, feeling lost and hopeless that I'll amount to anything, my anxiety is telling me how worthless I am. I had a fight with my mother and she pretty much made it clear that my emotions mean nothing.

I don't have a plan and I'll probably never really do it. But I wish I could. I wish I had the nerve to go get the pills.",0.5355208333333329,2.1886123437500022,1.967916666666668,99.95208333333336,81.8125,5.516666666666668,20.5625,6.42735559955562,-0.13273124999999994,678,19,172,6,18,218,101,192,0.196,0.684,0.12,-0.9584,1,0,0,0,1,1,31.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,8,1,23,1,0,4,3,44,44,18,2,14,8,3,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,9,0,1,10,0,1,4,4,6,0,0,12,1,29,3,15,21,2,16,0,5,0,0,13,3,0,4,9,110,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981873487241988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073759576385753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259257881712875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303557765590468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835927483255992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542020668386173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677521991961695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618244295691953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659758590232203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306729700228624,0.0,0.0,0.06817170679562921,0.0,0.0741561965046793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434195097481662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547288276191872,0.0,0.0,0.1424370332259286,0.0,0.0,0.12346567110160195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421336655919924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056389912541521,0.0,0.0,0.09591963132763699,0.0,0.10063612734197988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520145219306952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456028509476605,0.09046011766004217,0.11393226267820285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327475845677441,0.14068217521043866,0.0,0.0,0.1311709250940666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359041354389635,0.1341577143025834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272664754795886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404743284820933,0.0,0.14921807979537452,0.0,0.0,0.08360790019251266,0.0,0.3107655261256292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095855992938842,0.0,0.0,0.30009680940927114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634550262770602,0.0,0.0,0.08402643472225862
suicidewatch,sadobito,2019/03/09,24 and this is just going to get worse Only thing keeping me is family. I don’t want to destroy them. Two younger siblings. I cry I want to die. ,-1.4651612903225804,0.4807140967742001,1.2925161290322578,96.83877419354843,101.58064516129032,3.7703225806451615,19.103225806451608,5.6839178017228535,-0.17771483870967675,111,4,25,1,5,38,25,31,0.366,0.565,0.07,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36691465647757976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466688788226726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314892371202098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451612090239954,0.0,0.1898361118296432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968999059926593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540437496898739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191371356488845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32629733849470577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940373638707564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340403609894239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blankz1020,2019/03/09,Protecting friends? Anyone else push people away when you are sad so they dont see you depressed weak and with all your flaws  and try to comfort you and tell you it will be ok,5.886666666666668,5.4215454444444475,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,66.77777777777779,8.311111111111114,29.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,1.2973777777777775,140,4,31,1,2,42,31,36,0.132,0.637,0.231,0.5426,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,5,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,5,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,3,3,1,3,0,2,1,0,8,1,0,0,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24459478927493786,0.3584209564999377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32865734328954943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012902291869146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099738830316268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292220775529048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702617899751103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24251371682260064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27875271443730704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057487382233669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374975460541246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Burnneraccct,2019/03/09,"Everything is piling up. So much stuff to do, so little motivation. I can’t do this much longer. This sucks. ",0.03500000000000013,2.08292761904762,2.190833333333334,88.70625000000004,106.14285714285714,5.90952380952381,14.773809523809526,7.1686216300943375,0.4337523809523813,84,2,17,2,4,28,17,21,0.114,0.777,0.109,-0.0296,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909648989740004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360009484197435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6395745566231934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979899670350592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emthegem12,2019/03/09,I really feel like I’m going to do something but my friend is spending the night Title pretty much sums it up. I feel like I might do something but my friend is spending the night and I don’t want to do anything while their here. They’re asleep right now in the basement and I’m upstairs going crazy with suicidal thoughts. Idk what to do.,1.3811956521739148,3.8621145652173974,2.138967391304348,95.08932065217392,84.5072463768116,4.6094202898550725,21.668478260869566,5.985473137389443,0.1657956521739128,271,9,56,2,8,84,44,69,0.132,0.628,0.24,0.8384,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,0,10,16,5,1,1,2,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,7,4,6,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827163909241824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453575481807292,0.3172445727324673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34308832780182896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25237591147930744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695077022107104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355446975062428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322172337644092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167307635861458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258900417704598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224169930116293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189617200408745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418677252919346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428709228973808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627147518583344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096235735304534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Take_Me_Back_Please,2019/03/09,"I don't know what to do I don't know how to get myself out of this cycle of despair and misery. Everyday I can feel myself slipping more and more away. It doesn't get better, it just keeps getting worse. My mind, my body, my life it's all going downhill and I don't know what to do to change it.

So instead I'll do what I do every night: pray that I die in my sleep. I wish I had a pill or a gun to end it with. And I wish I had to courage to do it. This isn't living. ",-0.6400917431192674,0.6347400825688112,2.0848532110091718,99.52929816513763,83.95412844036696,4.726972477064222,17.322018348623853,4.935628992294339,-0.8920612844036699,355,7,95,1,10,124,59,109,0.16399999999999998,0.736,0.1,-0.7849,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,13,4,2,1,1,18,24,7,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,1,16,2,13,22,3,7,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,68,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323092469744232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189575572987934,0.0,0.2284496822154519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175684245971729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344988426481515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821599243926134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328332506736674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399141913624307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223575701586061,0.0,0.11688530056961592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280628704713986,0.0,0.0,0.339087627762912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526869045053958,0.0,0.0,0.18160773656346324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766504958416007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300455527969812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581553882606585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730138197631539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959225235910792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kaldr090,2019/03/09,"I don’t know how to begin this but I need help. Please. Im just going to start writing about the last couple years, starting with last month. This is likely going to be a mess to read. I’m sorry.

I was terminated 4 weeks ago. No warning at all and little to no explanation. I worked for a religious non-profit, therefore I am not eligible for unemployment, regardless of the termination being At-Will.

They cited performance, and told me I was not receptive to coaching. I’d been promoted into that role less that 60 days ago and during that time every single system and program we used went under drastic overhauls. I mention this because I have ADD, diagnosed and treated by a medical professional since childhood. I do not offer this as an excuse, merely context. My performance absolutely dipped due to the slight difficulty I have learning new programs and processes. But I was rapidly improving and tracking my numbers religiously. I actively sought weekly meetings with my boss to discuss my metrics. I compensate for my ADD by working my ass off.

I have never received any disciplinary action at work. Ever.

My prior boss had publicly said I was the best person at absorbing and implementing criticism he had ever met. 

I wish I had never left that team. When I applied for the promotion, I honestly thought I was finally getting somewhere with my career; I have always struggled with what I want to do for work. 

I recently got married. As in this past December. My wife is spectacular and I feel like I have absolutely failed her. As I write this, I’m sitting on the bathroom floor of our new apartment that we just moved in to. We signed the lease two weeks before I was let go. We’ve been together for five years. 

I don’t know what to do. I have no degree; I couldn’t decide upon a major and didn’t want to incur further debt while simply spinning my wheels. I had finally decided to pursue becoming an Educator, leveraging my increased income to take a few classes online at first, to get back into the habits of study and all that, while my wife built her business. 

She is a hairstylist. She started her career over again this past year after her the owner of her prior salon imploded and ran her business into the ground. This destroyed our finances, we were engaged and living together at the time. 

 A year before that, I left a great job for another that I would come find out did not exist.  My job site at the time was scheduled to undergo extensive renovations and I would be without pay for roughly 6 weeks. I could not afford that by any stretch of the imagination. In the weeks before the renovation, a former mentor of mine had contacted me and offered me a job with his company. I’m met his team, his leadership. I accepted the new job and put in notice at the old one. When I showed up on day one I was informed that my new roll was dependent upon the company landing a contract. Turns out they did not get it. I had no job. 

And so I returned to the non profit that I had left on very good terms.

This all likely sounds like a victim statement. It is not. I firmly believe in personal responsibility. 

But I can’t stop my mind from thinking about how unfairly I was treated. Other leaders within the non profit that terminated me have reached out and expressed how unfair the separation was. I could not reconcile their reasoning with who I thought myself to be. But when I sit back and reflect upon the last couple years I cannot help but think of myself as an utter failure.

I feel worthless. My wife and my dog have been keeping me going. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t even bring myself to revise my resume after just 4 weeks it failed job hunting, which I know is not too long but our financial resource will only last us another 6-7 after these past few years. 

My own mind seems to even be turning against me. It started with anger. Then I began to experience intrusive, violent thoughts towards the “leader” whose first conversation with me, ever, was to fire me. And now the thoughts have turned towards myself. It’s been dark. And awful. 

My family does have a history of depression. I did reach out to my mother about her psychiatrist. I plan to call come Monday but I don’t even know why because I no longer have insurance. I can’t even afford the help I need. I couldn’t afford a prescription.

I’m only 27. I know I “have my whole life ahead of me.” But I honestly don’t know if I want a life like this. I’m struggling with even my most basic beliefs. 

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t solve this problem. And I’m tired of fighting uphill battles. 

I don’t even know why I’m posting here really. I guess because I’m just as scared of giving up as I am of not giving up. ",3.58720481427682,5.6460248142076574,5.047307186829909,79.50521684996887,74.08196721311475,7.867884070000692,28.303589956422496,8.6581084033261,2.372212699730234,3735,153,678,74,79,1250,397,915,0.121,0.7709999999999999,0.108,-0.962,14,0,0,0,2,0,99.0,8,0,3,17,30,32,6,3,43,1,77,8,2,9,8,141,141,48,0,15,25,4,5,6,0,3,5,2,0,2,36,47,1,2,30,5,5,14,34,15,0,6,40,7,131,17,107,88,14,136,1,4,0,1,61,45,1,5,79,490,167,32,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419677328792687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04421015019592615,0.0,0.0,0.07226327816975771,0.11142724545474336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171058586941632,0.0,0.09716647572463293,0.05868021238281267,0.13563447031857426,0.059861664042948674,0.05575884415052442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425379826922639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153717142934056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484329132597211,0.1175792806764453,0.0,0.06853159732211872,0.0,0.0457625860789025,0.0539279468206331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649624474386156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054367386353382056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105594422188476,0.14418303549409636,0.044766072323228934,0.0,0.0,0.05197337338244225,0.050088200144299766,0.0,0.080595534306116,0.0759151428267485,0.0,0.11640720185411305,0.04856176219112388,0.09038824698591526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327796280484771,0.1019382728078869,0.1207847510263912,0.044564671209851726,0.04249458126903026,0.05857831016341539,0.058530980670812985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683994775157546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739176821246324,0.0,0.31635236962534025,0.04722623751542008,0.0,0.0,0.2336000306618511,0.17323895956201013,0.0,0.0,0.17318449412802395,0.05433115568090879,0.0750575244384469,0.15574591457167095,0.053252306449737816,0.046916603581431064,0.04702022235531566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053524984833610435,0.0,0.0,0.10729651713547532,0.0,0.042409522525164216,0.056470996728222964,0.0,0.07879353407763087,0.08195747731273023,0.2052611911889928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060491229771132075,0.05575318436106285,0.0,0.07200735035133615,0.08081868818414878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216175854567604,0.0,0.09278577266696647,0.0,0.05832307294739125,0.0,0.0,0.050885849390655706,0.0,0.0,0.050840228726552056,0.0,0.05341241958245699,0.0,0.0,0.05314646227898088,0.0,0.03403777352394114,0.05462863147007802,0.052461523030324336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054077899214127,0.0,0.053194485033452484,0.0,0.0,0.04836945375613017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395140892211148,0.0,0.0531704553381006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059477018030598384,0.15042865004853195,0.0,0.0,0.044420801306583615,0.0,0.11109038078144033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399487147853852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808978807290082,0.0,0.16872375908285725,0.09294523634125072,0.06106751449255705,0.0,0.050769983170694345,0.0,0.0,0.1733773503328271,0.05190232565712364,0.0,0.06391135504996799,0.045889061284331394,0.0,0.0438395337275243,0.09401603921307966,0.0,0.25571611735705585,0.0,0.0,0.04925397415932768,0.0958868832543641,0.059320074310327965,0.061099274431547286,0.05121743293626982,0.0,0.15472315975723874,0.0,0.0,0.07548701605437927,0.0,0.0,0.2052919204854898
suicidewatch,Dance4Trauma,2019/03/09,"I don’t see a way out. My husband doesn’t care, my daughter thinks it’s my fault. My best friends think it’s nbd what he did. My partner doesn’t know how bad it is, because he’s dealing with his own issues and I don’t want to burden him. This is very long; I’m sorry. Please, stick with me because I don’t know what to do. 

My husband and I have been together for a very long time.  He’s always been a bit controlling, a bit possessive, and a bit jealous. Not enough where I would ever call it quits, because beyond that he’s always been my best friend. I worked extra hours while our kids were little so he could go to school and get his BA in Criminal Justice. He said I could go to school when he was done, when he was settled in a job, when we could easily afford it, when the kids were older, when our son with autism needed less help, when he was progressed far enough in his career as a federal agent(he’s 13 years in now), etc. My whole family is in Europe, my parents are dead,  and I’m pretty much alone here.  Whenever things were bad(like  when he had a year-long emotional affair with a coworker), he’d find a way to remind me that I’m all he had.  He gave me an allowance but wouldn’t open up the finances to me. It stressed me out anyway so I stopped asking. I did everything else anyways, so I thought he could take care of that. I saw things his way, because it was easier and I loved him. I wasn’t the perfect wife, for sure. I have PTSD and anxiety attacks from a bad childhood and that affected him. There were times when I couldn’t leave the house without him because of anxiety and that put a lot of extra stress on him. I had endometriosis which affected our sex life. 
I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago, and two years ago my husband suggested that we start swinging. It wasn’t really what I wanted to do, but I felt like he was going to cheat on me if I didn’t. I was desperate and stupid. 
We tried it out, and while he loved it, I didn’t. He became more insecure and jealous because I was getting a lot of attention and he wasn’t. I suggested that we try polyamory instead because I thought that would make it easier for him and more meaningful for me. That was about a year or so ago. 
Turns out that dating was just as hard for him. It made him even angrier, more insecure, and more jealous. He had a lot of ghosting, flakes, and gold diggers. I almost immediately met a great guy that I really connected with. DH and I didn’t have any rules, except to be kind and behave ethically. However, when he saw me falling in love with this other guy, it scared him, especially with his difficulty in contrast. 
Thankfully, he connected with a girl soon after and things sort-of got better. 
In September, we had an argument about sexual safety. His gf was very promiscuous(which in and of itself I have no problem with), like getting passed around while blindfolded at parties. It made me very uncomfortable. He was also upset that I was considering not using a condom with my partner, because he was not ready for me to be “that intimate” with him. I said we could table the issue and talk about it another time, meaning nothing would happen until further notice. He got upset that I didn’t immediately agree to his position. He got out a knife and pretended that he was going to hurt himself. At the time, I thought he meant it and freaked out and apologized, etc.
So, his tactic worked and in the next argument he pulls out his service weapon. He intimidated that he was either going to shoot me or himself, and I had to very carefully apologize and gently take the gun from him. This happened three more times. Sometimes it wasn’t gentle. Sometimes it was me scream-crying and fighting with him for the gun. This happened over a four month period and it sent me straight back into horrible PTSD episodes. I was afraid and I didn’t want him to touch me, which made him even angrier. I was in a constant state of fear around him. I thought about calling his work but I knew he loved his job more than anything and I was afraid he really would kill himself if I did. The last episode was in December. He was driving erratically and fast all while yelling at me. I was crying and I told him to please drive carefully and that I didn’t feel safe. He braked hard in the middle of the street at night and just left me. I was terrified. I thought he really was going to kill himself, or he wanted me to get killed. I called 911, climbed into the driver’s seat and went to find him. The dispatcher told me not to find him and just go home but I couldn’t. I was terrified of losing him. I found him and he got into the car and I drove home. Dispatch sent cops to the house and told me to stay inside while my husband waited outside. He was very quiet the whole time while I was sobbing. 
The cops arrive and they spoke to him for a long time outside. When they were done, they came in with him and treated me like I had done something terrible. They didn’t even interview me alone, just suggested that I don’t upset him while he’s driving. They said that normally someone has to be arrested on a call like this, but that they would let me go this one time. I didn’t even know what to say to that except “Okay, I’m sorry.”  
When they left, my husband finally admitted that he wasn’t suicidal. Sure, he was upset but that he had been doing “all this stuff” to get my attention; so I would do what he wanted. I was baffled. I felt so betrayed. I still was afraid because I hadn’t felt safe in months. 
After this incident, I finally told my partner and my best friends what had been happening. It turned out that my husband had been going behind my back and telling them that I had been acting crazy and emotional. They had actually started to question my behavior but now it made sense to them. My partner pointed out that what my husband had been putting me through was emotionally abusive, if not physically as well(he had also been throwing things, kicking doors in, and punching walls beside my head etc). It finally made sense why my PTSD had gotten so bad. 
Since the incident in December, my husband has been minimizing the damage he did, denying it, and even blaming me for it. It’s made everything so much worse for him to invalidated the pain he has caused. All his text messages are clear and sweet and charming, making me look crazy and emotional in contrast. He’s complained to our kids and made me the bad guys or not giving up being poly. I can’t tell the kids what he has done because I don’t want to hurt them or see him differently. He’s a good dad. He also wants to go be a divorce lawyer when he retires, because he believes that “wives are constantly screwing agents out of their fair share”.  
So, I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost my best friend, or at least the person I thought he was.  My kids have think I’m the bad guy because I refuse to sully him. He told me he’s been “prepping for divorce”. I don’t have any education beyond high school. I’m alone here and when I thought I could get help from the local cops, they treated me with disdain. My husband says he loves me. I’ve been sobbing in bed for hours and he’s partying with his girlfriend rn. Oh, and on top that, she’s introduced him to a cult. An expensive cult.  
All of our friends think he’s such a nice guy, and he is, normally.   When does this behavior stop being an outlier and start being a pattern? I’m dealing with depression, suicidal ideation, and I feel like he’s pushing me toward that like it’s an easy solution for him. When he had the year-long emotional affair in our early days, he told me he fantasized that I was dead. What if he’s doing that again? I’m sorry for being all over the place. I’m falling apart.  
How do I protect myself? Do I need to? Am I crazy? 

I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I feel so alone and unloved.  I don’t want to die, but I can’t keep feeling like this. 

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suicidewatch,ValsamicBladimir,2019/03/09,Bad headache after multiple suspension hanging attempts No success yet. I think the rope is a little too thin. I am going to try again but with a bag over my head next. ,3.0527272727272714,5.207024575757579,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,75.96969696969697,6.824242424242425,29.181818181818183,7.793537801064563,2.017836363636364,133,6,25,2,3,43,31,33,0.12,0.807,0.073,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,17,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37043362950385206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521395211595397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553183145321616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446591456215924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718324262381534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842763910951733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30121281460925503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notsobadto,2019/03/09,I'm tired I wish others wouldn't take death so personally.,3.41,5.2529933333333325,4.823333333333334,81.855,74.0,8.133333333333335,20.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.099733333333334,48,1,10,1,1,16,11,12,0.197,0.407,0.396,0.449,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43816500953439613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377302004212484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5767618741703787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5770618359763857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsallnothing,2019/03/09,"Is suicide really more selfish than being a burden? You see it every time someone commits suicide, the busybodies with their judgements ""suicide is the most selfish thing you can do, only thinking of themselves, not the people they're leaving behind"".

Is it really though? Without going into too much detail I've struggled with mental health my whole life, it was pretty bad by age 12, after age 16 suicide was on my mind a lot. I'm 30 now and feel no different. I've tried therapy for years (the NHS is a joke with mental health the system made me even worse, so I've paid privately at great cost), various medications which caused a lot of side effects but no change, burying it and desperately pretending I'm ""ok"", but nothing helps. 

I haven't done it because although I have very little feelings towards anything in this life, I know I care about my Mum and sister, and didn't want to cause them pain. I live with them, and have no-one else (no friends for 15 years, psychotherapist labelled as ""clinically depressed recluse""), my death would mean nothing to anyone other than them, literally no-one else would even notice.

I managed to keep my feelings hidden from my Mum for a long time, but it all came out a few years ago. At that point it shifted from being an internal struggle to me being a burden, because as much as I tell her I'm fine, she worries about me. She's at an age now where she can still do anything she wants but won't be forever, and I don't want her to feel like I'm stopping her from doing anything.

I used to think killing myself would have been selfish, but as time goes on I become more convinced what's happening now is more selfish than suicide. I don't know what to do anymore, I should have done it a long time ago. ",8.339764705882352,6.7067183588235295,8.037500000000001,75.28625000000002,62.470588235294116,10.382352941176473,37.720588235294116,8.841846274778883,3.2338529411764707,1382,56,259,16,16,442,183,340,0.226,0.703,0.071,-0.9957,1,0,0,0,0,6,46.0,0,2,4,1,12,20,1,2,15,1,33,7,0,5,2,49,58,18,7,7,7,3,4,1,1,5,7,0,0,0,15,13,0,2,10,2,2,2,10,12,0,0,9,5,35,8,41,40,12,36,0,1,1,0,19,13,0,3,21,177,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667630328073342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204928420593523,0.05784910461268551,0.0,0.2042475730930116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690789185183374,0.10086700400053547,0.0913725208158742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462494902738587,0.08435219723551868,0.16997994734315794,0.08752094851154542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125814102042156,0.0,0.0,0.08643877569269845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932994919963915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822624973893596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092892375803993,0.0,0.06970644292346208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673299359816008,0.05910474490894008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391960600398512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701928780267866,0.0,0.0,0.0912138461573314,0.0,0.0,0.07316085681456841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588343338225862,0.0,0.0,0.05545444226986177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735372316358052,0.09153222964199208,0.0,0.09093620659121301,0.0,0.0,0.0876027061915797,0.0,0.0,0.11687406939496232,0.04041935161024165,0.08292058399224818,0.07305509239448575,0.14643287989143364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067392626515,0.0,0.07828432682507891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012090754274156,0.0,0.08334517876269483,0.16675158069590504,0.0,0.08353713157575057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163711096041473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876982346600754,0.09419250420197034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292246541511085,0.08803415199806572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057356910243546624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820978814916545,0.0,0.0,0.0841695930765183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600224653424296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592779423615512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009972641742791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660709860461699,0.06916881223205062,0.0,0.17298178923034438,0.0,0.4524844608060161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231262282860274,0.0,0.09461283304651504,0.0,0.0549643830402102,0.10602442161340693,0.08128512813594088,0.0,0.19297000237885428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617053587964109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714550789296669,0.0,0.06826370501088548,0.14639487744150192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092368866856849,0.0,0.0797520282744525,0.0,0.0,0.0840197657890226,0.08431238476402829,0.17631426333531586,0.0,0.0,0.15983275721225407
suicidewatch,throwawaygatsbysorry,2019/03/09,"I’ve written all of the letters. And don’t tell me it’s just because I drank too much tonight. Don’t tell me it’s just because I’ve had a bad few days. 

My father walked in here and told me how much I’ve disappointed him. My sister told me that I’ve done nothing but use her and hurt her for months on end. My fiancé told me that he thinks there’s something wrong, something missing, something deeply disturbed in me. My two year old son asked me to stop yelling at him today. My best friend, the person I loved more than anyone, with the exception of my child, told me he doesn’t want me in my life. He doesn’t need me, he doesn’t care. 

I’ve tried for the past six months to be happy. I’ve tried to quit starving myself and be healthy. I’ve tried to quit cutting my wrists. I’ve gone to therapists. I’ve accepted that I was raped, I was mentally abused, i was assaulted, I was hurt, throughout my entire life. 

But through accepting all of that, I’ve also accepted the part I played in those unfortunate situations. I’m a liar. I’ve been a drug addict. I have manipulated and said horrible things to people I love. I drink too much, knowing that it’s bad for me, knowing im destructive and hurtful when I do. I’ve lied to my father and my sister and my fiancé and my best friend who I loved more than anyone. And I’ve yelled at my son, who’s too young to understand. I’ve cried in front of him when my heart was broken- he wasn’t the one who broke my heart. He did not deserve to be yelled at or see his mother cry. 

I know they’ll miss me. I know that. But I can’t help thinking that even through their pain, even through the longing and aching for me to come back- it can’t be worse than what I have and what I will put them through in the future. 

I love my family. I love my son. I love *him*- my son and him I love more than anything. I love my friends. I love them and I am destructive and I am convinced that I will hurt them more by staying. I’ve thought this for months. Years. But looking over the past couple of days- what I’ve destroyed, the things I’ve said, the people I’ve let walk away (or rather- pushed away) within the past few days- I cannot see where I’m doing any of them a disservice. They’ll heal when I’m gone. But when I’m here, I will continue breaking open wounds and creating more wounds. 

It’s just who I am. I hurt and take from people. It’s who I am. I have given up all hope of changing that. 

Won’t they be better off without new wounds? Without new ways for me to hurt them? I can’t convince myself otherwise. ",1.4958004958992959,3.294238362616824,2.695826816707992,95.18164218958613,79.39252336448598,5.8626740415792495,21.946404730116356,6.778839716746933,0.2987753194735845,1984,59,459,20,49,636,213,535,0.212,0.601,0.187,-0.9224,0,0,5,0,2,0,71.0,0,0,9,5,21,46,7,1,16,0,40,24,3,3,3,56,85,30,0,4,15,9,0,0,3,6,9,5,0,2,27,20,2,1,11,2,0,8,14,22,0,3,22,8,86,24,54,51,16,56,0,10,3,10,62,18,0,3,27,285,113,0,0.0,0.07268711109437065,0.0,0.06687815705535688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905981333424648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04171860756844917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857916160525464,0.0,0.05048401206258706,0.0,0.05735191146705521,0.0,0.11527655471291776,0.0471726712711029,0.10244570066432393,0.07479409869454573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287614620594146,0.05425714354541023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254817051076167,0.0,0.06489783775850062,0.0528456974206948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788017362287352,0.13477535481507347,0.1186927670789076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278009869467815,0.0,0.06009748845089787,0.07114397112848203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433594162949221,0.0,0.0,0.08103928636362243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783324583535116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219147383280548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530587364285323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539487627794062,0.041120137048593325,0.0,0.0,0.060932207495724776,0.0,0.0,0.3940445310558916,0.0,0.06626615111732279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486058554202085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627322817342304,0.0866635305348575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054290872318703484,0.051516700992267225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.498319060462799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061824153040050726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690168552024574,0.0,0.1352930748599072,0.045488616215193914,0.0,0.11850017465481827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588648684656537,0.0,0.06437419607747576,0.0,0.04157085683677745,0.0,0.0652783843267419,0.0,0.0,0.06643368888196938,0.1756902496667751,0.12759251991505333,0.05356653248881373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616714831731621,0.0,0.13050187307058614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671161222571096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977725074254513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689574973451938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168560040085898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538859200035367,0.0,0.05128950760390418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046125910620336746,0.0,0.10724136207466342,0.0,0.0,0.07122952394693101,0.08151350445131637,0.07861838599016173,0.0,0.04870330042401176,0.0,0.0,0.058150540998715285,0.2344818068374179,0.0,0.12495338726284848,0.0,0.05992788621885602,0.06386522313625649,0.0,0.05298480190473081,0.0,0.0,0.03618452178764523,0.04869502797475258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827417960818855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625186490834978,0.0,0.06707418854034469,0.0,0.0790119434067936
suicidewatch,Coal-Dirt-Scars,2019/03/09,"The only thing The only thing keeping me from doing it is my nephew thinking it would be okay. I’ve noticed a tread in families: one family member does it and the next think it’s okay. They see how people can move on, in time, and I feel like that desensitizes it. I love my nephew, my twin’s son, more than anything. I said over and over, when my dog goes, I go, because I couldn’t do it before because I didn’t trust anymore to care for him the way I did. Now he is gone, and I’m now trying to convince myself that I won’t do it because I don’t want my nephew to do it, too. I hate the way I think. I hate the way my life is. But this is my reality.",1.3714962121212118,2.23270896527778,3.527954545454545,93.0852272727273,77.4027777777778,6.347474747474747,21.424242424242426,6.574015621080383,0.1390083333333334,497,12,123,4,11,171,82,144,0.053,0.8029999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,7,2,16,2,0,1,0,14,31,7,0,3,1,4,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,4,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,4,3,23,7,11,23,1,16,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,0,6,82,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768740565490855,0.0,0.0,0.13084521993517692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907787008313199,0.0,0.13529911687836998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211328681399895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914385120307118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29978614859335306,0.0,0.08039626350400228,0.11359116629455902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036458490895098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31396340564853004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132841484137373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230791937786466,0.07768041799944801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143505646419771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689941200483365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691005882279585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810249993463484,0.0,0.0,0.10774397048631,0.2418565969159741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023206917912473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124745386450233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670412587094718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112679238804728,0.3056464686209468,0.0,0.0,0.0927154311546752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795202131045332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378358648841148,0.3786255124022478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295056393797345,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoradorDelAbismo,2019/03/09,"Help I dont want to live anymore, im tired, im sad. I no longer have family and all o do is get buzzed all fucking day honestly im just making excuses to not fucking do it im drunk rn and all i want to do is end it

  
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suicidewatch,MadMadMad2018,2019/03/09,"Just want to talk Would anyone be willing to PM with me tonight and talk, kind of struggling.. Thank you.",2.8810000000000002,5.347857099999999,1.8800000000000023,99.395,78.0,4.0,25.0,3.1291,-0.03699999999999992,82,3,17,0,2,23,18,20,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652210853229808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394991079867878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965352462060627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6097470632830884,0.0,0.34921599272388515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372578072277646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694496344861317,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shine052508,2019/03/09,"I think my dreams are crushed I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but was unsure of my motivation.  My mom is a doctor and I admire her but I didn’t think that was a good enough reason to go into pre med. I also had interest in business, so when I applied for college I decided to major in it with a concentration in marketing and if medicine was still my interest I would do a post bacc. I got into a good uni with a very good business program. But mental health destroyed my GPA. I should’ve taken leave when I first noticed but I thought I would get better and suddenly it got to the point of no return. 

My GPA is now 2.4 no post bacc program would accept me. I thought maybe with counseling I could get the grades I got in high school but it won’t help. There’s no way to get my GPA up since I graduate next year (unless I flunk out which wouldn’t surprise me because I’m horrible). 

My dream is dead and I feel dead inside. Guess it’s over and time to say goodbye. It’s always nice to have a brain that can’t process shit normally and allow you to function. 

Thanks depression you ruined my fucking life. ",2.896359649122804,4.325420478070178,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,74.48245614035088,7.171929824561403,25.824561403508767,7.793537801064563,1.35760350877193,871,30,182,12,18,288,129,228,0.179,0.615,0.206,0.7311,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,3,7,17,3,0,10,0,19,7,2,3,0,37,37,17,2,8,7,1,1,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,8,12,0,0,9,2,0,1,7,6,0,1,11,2,32,11,24,19,2,25,0,3,0,1,6,11,2,2,10,117,40,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971866100430522,0.2075126966039711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601300194550069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028272095951692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392010190246055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995589253473693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073997441619127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552615257999087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288434160880549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304961109602504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106065625146199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115278650622,0.19544419723450265,0.0,0.07086712350853798,0.313765110106248,0.29919029152062143,0.0,0.1373657585424187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325451062648395,0.0,0.0,0.08358052605831895,0.13174726507993578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203415214228675,0.0,0.0,0.0880758673495516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527303155901032,0.0,0.13850819364070768,0.0,0.1256633757832825,0.0,0.0,0.14604144470156455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261469947979726,0.0,0.12217476509727515,0.0,0.1419662470616842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117877215401543,0.0,0.23884695662064345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282073752057174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916258280737957,0.0,0.12619814212294575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799777262670642,0.103149111058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958170247312986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480253458190312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159799225648215,0.0,0.1979880303124867,0.07271074079968337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288655231143726,0.07354842622742548,0.09897720062909192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657395562548033,0.0,0.0,0.08029958396084486
suicidewatch,yeettttt1,2019/03/09,"limbo i desperately want to keep going for the people that need me and i want to be successful, but with things like climate change that there is next to nothing i alone can actually do anything about, will it all end up being in vain? what if in ten years i wake up without feeling as depressed, but the toxins in the air kill me before i can even enjoy life? 

​

i wish i could stay alive but in the end, what if it doesn't matter? what if i get brutally gunned down or killed in a car accident on my way to work?",4.216502002670225,4.738897859813086,5.148998664886516,85.37233644859816,70.4018691588785,7.983444592790388,26.50066755674232,7.957251820313856,1.3807714285714292,409,12,87,5,7,134,77,107,0.231,0.586,0.182,-0.8937,0,1,0,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,3,0,5,0,9,2,1,0,1,19,17,9,2,8,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,0,1,11,3,18,13,1,18,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,4,5,63,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.17589823691845835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668489235074426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953010642713716,0.21902377606241266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833059265166068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337968174731542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068085802284426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439151528893127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524927119699114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192964304895858,0.0,0.0,0.1190535863065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113993937597192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417331303444562,0.0,0.10244036764129796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021469903391453,0.3988403777999887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273160781039354,0.08806116451938592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365327212382974,0.0,0.0,0.1916981795897778,0.0,0.0,0.17295497067562146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124962823698557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921227772476898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975025290569125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263252829130624,0.14307425387922118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072788851969128,0.17375480315354058,0.0,0.13122432453987215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902377606241266,0.1160752475215277
suicidewatch,throwaway78945612389,2019/03/09,"I feel in pain every day, but I still tell myself that I am being weak and dramatic My boyfriend told me he was possibly trans and just confused about his gender identity in general. I can't be with him, it isn't fair to him. I am not attracted to women or feminine traits, and so I wouldn't want him feeling like he had to keep me in mind while going through this journey. 

​

But fuck, we have been together for almost 5 years. I am 21. All my adult life I have never been alone. 

​

There is a guy that I like too, and I thought he was interested in me, but now he won't even respond to my texts. I am obsessing over him and not acting like myself and it is scaring me. 

​

I am afraid to leave my boyfriend. I am afraid of all the tiny steps it involves, him figuring out where to live, separating items, finding someone to rent his room, dealing with a new roommate, living with him while this all is happening...every day I come home to him and feel like I am going to be sick. I feel so much emotional pain that it is actually hurting me. Every night I imagine different ways to kill myself. I wish I didn't have family or friends and could just be gone without hurting anyone. I imagine this every day, but still tell myself that my pain isn't anything compared to other people. And that I deserve it, I am a weak and bad partner for not going through this with him. 

​

I never found it hard to focus in school or work, but now I am. I don't feel like myself. I can't do this anymore. ",3.2074945711183465,4.65863612703583,4.388978013029317,86.37914562975028,73.72312703583061,7.201357220412596,27.44964712269273,7.793537801064563,1.5850695982627567,1189,45,243,16,24,390,146,307,0.196,0.705,0.099,-0.9881,2,1,0,0,0,1,51.0,1,0,0,1,13,23,2,5,4,0,35,8,0,0,5,56,52,22,1,4,14,0,6,5,2,2,7,0,3,4,17,17,0,1,11,0,1,8,14,15,0,0,10,6,52,8,30,35,5,32,0,2,0,1,26,9,1,5,19,180,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.07658335128241171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858452850582194,0.08127969296613212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340124159808535,0.3814381559529513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778292345428742,0.054873745390581694,0.0,0.06458082856303142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552597506929701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760197508052082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626584148975495,0.0,0.0,0.1518357382707975,0.08090752403601427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199296084168975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827735298841884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051834076232206205,0.0,0.2644848957766854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398221302035456,0.0,0.19840454672446234,0.16819441261311655,0.0,0.0,0.07172760499912653,0.0,0.0,0.08604723798394932,0.06063202203063709,0.07255178271863287,0.0,0.0,0.1338028191415544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770570427205366,0.0,0.0,0.07030100541782043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871998058890012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802495989404914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975498328847991,0.08682444262595408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309702677798321,0.0,0.0,0.05543143640406482,0.1917022937487636,0.0,0.1385952839332748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924055729882556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576904681721216,0.0,0.1210543706440472,0.07579468381578477,0.0,0.07364642510716364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505188459576421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440686610739083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847231966853088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857031620052755,0.07942407494707247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649427964587476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534549982324766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718671983565225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623028829649586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498923297609407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628844465265825,0.06229230057252232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024599652934936,0.07565013362289999,0.0,0.0571330259989641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814381559529513,0.050537353937520964
suicidewatch,ObviouslyDoubtful,2019/03/09,"Been a rough year The last year has been an emotional roller coaster for me.  I thought things were finally settling down and getting back to normal, then about 4 hours ago it all started back over.  I hit a breaking point and snapped, I couldn't handle everything the world is throwing at me, I couldn't handle my wife filing for divorce for the third time because I wanted to be left alone after she told me she was going on yet another vacation intentionally scheduled to where I couldn't go (without any discussion).  I did my best to not let my PTSD get the best of me but ended up losing that fight with myself, things got completely out of control when she started trying to push me around and started telling the kids how I am horrible.  I am so tired of fighting.  I just want to love and be loved.. Why is that so hard?",6.617736369910282,6.393339993788822,6.484803312629397,80.43181504485855,65.2111801242236,9.391580400276053,34.03795721187026,8.841846274778883,2.712792408557626,653,26,127,9,9,206,110,161,0.13699999999999998,0.784,0.079,-0.8964,0,1,0,0,4,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,12,7,2,0,8,0,16,3,0,3,1,22,31,10,0,6,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,1,1,0,4,5,3,0,1,8,2,22,4,23,16,3,34,0,1,0,2,13,11,0,0,18,94,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704536558682528,0.0,0.0,0.14843727023439324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746315370609414,0.1502845016979492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758602217033116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204099119693348,0.0,0.08736711460725137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30081296811087804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026927852002164,0.0,0.16074662074272925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121676673383745,0.12693981269896495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288076192487284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570010840104929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975855131864274,0.0,0.16290518577060764,0.0,0.11462684812527353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838741090351766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114225583684956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682569467725985,0.0,0.0,0.15571862037645273,0.14655537117258066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033947148992292,0.0,0.0,0.2587054874727617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042409102617295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354846134738118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167534508939326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043298964455796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526881845690468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043212792819408,0.0,0.0,0.11378081704743707,0.08357159251753643,0.1647263368665738,0.0,0.1369492998033412,0.0,0.0973055102483519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906880714963796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293248559671553,0.0,0.0,0.13815627148750953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458797245901945
suicidewatch,sadfocdugadcptsdk,2019/03/09,"I don’t care if it gets better I’ve been taking my meds everyday long enough for them to take effect, I do everything my therapist says I should, practice mindfulness. cbt, other coping skills and all that shit for 3 years now. I feel a depression I can’t even describe. It’s gotten worse. Don’t give me that “sometimes it gets worse before it gets better!” bs. Idc if it could possibly get better. I just want the pain to fucking end as soon as possible. ",2.930333333333333,4.957956200000002,4.137500000000003,85.43625000000003,75.8888888888889,7.611111111111112,23.472222222222214,8.472884824447931,1.5528888888888892,358,11,70,7,8,117,65,90,0.17600000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.136,-0.7088,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,5,4,8,2,0,2,0,7,3,1,1,1,11,19,5,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,2,10,4,6,15,2,6,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,6,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434272542574588,0.0,0.0,0.4188913313563576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609673535260153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605290119890064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598026789053233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983323019717364,0.16313039078726432,0.0,0.10427706638793544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418907519288013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982796490004859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595585786504792,0.3299393867894965,0.1514511616630983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971724458762405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753670962931066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941198251609973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799354292419905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559679123147121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255510865513446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620597101696207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614558313310986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237409526158904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330876617218894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312065665868773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217827606088279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166838872569917
suicidewatch,ioshomebrew,2019/03/09,"Had a conversation with my therapist on why suicide isn't ok This week I talked to my therapist and asked her why suicide isn't ok. She said it is simply her job to keep her patients safe and that she doesn't judge anyone who commits suicide. I then mentioned in Switzerland that if someone is mentally ill and no amount of medicine or therapy can cure them, then they get the option of assisted suicide. She then said that in the US that's not how things are done, so I can't allow that too happen. One of my previous therapist, her reasoning was that things might get better and suicide doesn't solve your problems. 

​

I personally am not going to kill myself right now because I have a good living situation, half way done with school, have a good social support system. However, if I run out of credit and cash and/or get kicked out of my parents house, then I would end up killing myself because there is no point in going forward in life because in America it's almost impossible to escape homelessness because a) in low COL areas you can get jailed for being homeless and they are no services to help the homeless b) in areas that do have services, COL is high where even if you could get a job, good luck paying rent c) and then I can't sleep in the cold, so I would lose my mind from lack of sleep. And on top of that, then there's climate change, which could end the world in the next couple of decades

​

What are you thoughts?",11.992720848056535,7.213311399293289,10.582689045936398,69.59530565371026,58.68197879858657,13.440141342756185,43.84770318021201,10.125756701596842,4.333756466431097,1158,44,222,15,10,363,154,283,0.17,0.718,0.112,-0.9655,5,0,0,0,0,8,32.0,1,4,3,3,9,15,2,0,11,2,30,4,2,3,1,36,44,21,7,9,6,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,16,12,0,2,2,0,4,4,11,5,0,2,7,3,31,10,31,31,2,40,0,2,0,0,26,24,0,8,12,154,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280782583139859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920157263773198,0.20096872109668373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057822775518506286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730934221557538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164219199576933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313765087674927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748111475246753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205161897289724,0.09150124970599964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925288138312428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648773854566105,0.0,0.0,0.05461974816645971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602552268774128,0.0,0.0939957754526122,0.2080837585488975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312755882141538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542920306792503,0.08737257653372546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541976672457657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412549899177284,0.07350376234167556,0.182981140425004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841043801633275,0.0,0.0,0.07302184253831591,0.0,0.0,0.09251536645113084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333784319127592,0.08772709870001028,0.08349911098719617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794784447908964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603676521287766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182381913477043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220671962883526,0.0,0.0,0.07817419221571577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912864302375854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502498094023478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062169953979425,0.15732514818223733,0.0,0.0,0.0836924912586308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929534626522701,0.1655108989571454,0.08429788018299553,0.07006782164878649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522785197449927,0.0938421317066184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646769339690864,0.0,0.0,0.09456977152968564,0.2880483405943169,0.10987873376177837,0.0,0.0,0.06565117052237686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947277826215596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564001940998357,0.06633352456182096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924006334638612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748934447999684,0.0,0.20096872109668373,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway538151,2019/03/09,"I don't know what to do anymore I recently got on antidepressants and they seem to be helping my depression. However, I still can't shake the idea of suicide. Even if I am happy, I feel like I'd be better off dead. I have a boyfriend and a family who love me very much and Id feel guilty to just disappear and kill myself without them knowing but I genuinely can't shake the idea. I don't know why. The antidepressants have helped but I thought these thoughts would go away but I'm convinced I'd be better off dead (for everyone, in the long run.) It's so shitty to feel like this. Everytime I make a mistake the feeling is just amplified. I feel so bad telling the people I love because I know they'll just worry and it comes off like I'm a pity case, even though I hurt them through my mistakes, even if they're small. I hope I don't wake up tomorrow. I know it's an unreasonable wish, but I'm so tired of this. I wish there was a way to do it without hurting the people I love. I wish I didn't come off as selfish. I'm all out of tears :( I'm just so tired ",1.2070585756426482,2.9920444424778765,3.017762326169408,92.59485250737468,80.23893805309734,6.605646860514118,24.036241045090605,7.62386473244151,0.9810718921196796,828,30,192,13,21,276,116,226,0.256,0.532,0.212,-0.951,1,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,4,2,14,22,1,2,13,0,18,6,1,1,1,44,48,17,4,9,12,0,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,15,0,0,7,8,11,0,0,5,5,29,11,22,38,2,22,0,4,0,3,11,10,0,4,7,117,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289686079397016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748103004800723,0.0,0.0866309064286169,0.0632479501179923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352534054963365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875110965985114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893638389167692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558715851861156,0.0,0.0,0.0991421374231441,0.0,0.0,0.09781077148062801,0.0,0.26230766812888945,0.14824486936153888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058966231801859725,0.0,0.08298217475764323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044889130741803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390892822983691,0.0,0.0,0.10305190616729214,0.0,0.0,0.22214327315022192,0.2342530323008009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478929015388616,0.0,0.28510456493631703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206803214454054,0.0,0.0,0.0918197142343812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28092821607679663,0.0,0.0692571204945754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627170056999177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438609993010892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024453269604801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445445383052087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285870034709338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349088788668145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068624981744032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193854334464633,0.16473940963602368,0.0,0.2385017104912361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560855856043674,0.0,0.08235571399608256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362254981176044,0.0,0.3579386253752039,0.20003180846273594,0.0,0.0,0.10536801421248293,0.0,0.07370441796449388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mansted,2019/03/10,"I relapsed, right after I made it past 100 days. I don't even know why I did it. I've been so happy. I think I just didn't feel in control anymore. I felt like I needed to do it to show that I was tough still. 

Now I just feel stupid. I'm going to half to wear a jacket tomorrow to cover my hands, and I can't cuff my jeans past my ankles. I don't want my new friends and this new school to notice.

I even tried to stop, I put the razor down, then picked it up, then back down again, then up. I put happy music on. I texted my friends. But here I am. What do I do now?",-0.9145080500894452,0.6347144961240332,1.5435658914728698,101.67005366726299,86.2093023255814,4.279308288610614,14.5742397137746,4.713530739802397,-1.3523731663685148,426,6,114,1,13,145,75,129,0.068,0.782,0.15,0.9163,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,2,0,11,2,2,3,0,16,21,7,0,2,3,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,5,1,0,3,4,2,0,1,6,4,23,5,14,15,0,26,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,17,75,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700649832436843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185978468806675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923326824196505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059230050884004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265257099766528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734138392204231,0.0,0.16465050057862607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649745656946094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745769837823988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650935257799485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424253118018154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377789545443821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226129037682807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715241639427585,0.0,0.3312385560207712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523444724494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273997121442785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447754080269094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644548139672114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735498756264678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694648580520796,0.14336740420190427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987933447322536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164256499689112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114507241997887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473666778667242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,superstupiddummydum,2019/03/10,"Secured my method Been suicidal on & off for years (like 10+), always brushing it off & just  uncomfortably living with crippling depression as my norm. Been drinking  too much for at least 5 years now, got sober for a few months last year but now I'm back where I had been. Last night I was home alone, got drunk & finally got ahold of the method id like to use. I won't use it right away & maybe I won't actually use it at all. But fuck, I'm finally feeling hopeful & ready. I don't know how I can possibly  keep on keeping on. The only things that keep me going are the knowledge that it'll end some day, my son & my pets. But I'm financially and emotionally unstable, & that will never change, & I'm sick of waking up every day to the same fucking SHITuation. It's creepy how  excited I feel to finally kill myself. I know I shouldn't & maybe I  won't but things have to get better for me to hang in there & I know  they won't. My husband hates me, verbally/emotionally abuses me &  coerces me into sex, makes me feel guilty for not wanting it, I cry after & get yelled at whether I speak up or keep quiet. I feel filthy & done. My family likes him & I don't want to ruin their relationship. We have a young kid together & I can't imagine that I'm a good role model. Maybe it'll be better for all of them if I just remove myself sooner than later. I can't afford a good life for us.  Medical bills, vet bills, credit card bills, daycare tuition, keeping  the car running & food on the table - at the end of the day we can't  even afford our own living space. we've been stuck with family since he  was born. My potential flew the coop years ago. I can't pretend to be a  good parent when I'm a broken cowardly loser. I can't even make a phone call without wanting to vomit. I just need to be gone. & this is me WITH therapy and medication. They'll be sad at first but better off in the long run. This isn't the life I wanted at all. Maybe I could deal with the raging asshole husband if we at least had money, or being broke as fuck if my husband at least treated me kindly, but I can't do the  ""poor bitch mooching off family while my husband abuses and belittles me"" thing...it's too much. I didn't say goodbye when I left for work one day & immediately got texted that I'm ""a fucking bitch"" & he's ""sick of dealing with my fucking attitude"" & I'd ""better not wear pants tonight"". I tried to carefully point out that he was putting the carseat in wrong today & got snapped at, ""what the fuck do you want me to do?"" I tried to explain what I meant, but he shook his head and gave me the death glare & I said ""I'm sorry I didn't mean anything"" & as soon as he walked away I fixed the seat myself. I was only trying to help but I'm a fucking bitch with an attitude. He asked if I was going to sleep upstairs tonight as opposed to the couch (I sleep better alone these days) & said I'd better be all his tonight. I went upstairs with a straight face & got chastised for not being excited to be with him. I jerked him a bit & let him fuck me & came back downstairs to cry & hope he doesn't call me back up. I was already  depressed before the relationship/living situation worsened but I can't cope anymore. I have a few  things I want to do & I need to tie up some loose ends but I  can't wait. Once the personal things are handled I can finally pick a date. I feel like I can almost breathe (lol) & I can't wait to relax forever.",3.4790055248618827,4.2134381491712745,4.742006629834258,86.85520331491712,72.20441988950276,7.780950276243094,26.220331491712702,7.976525956113202,1.3390532375690611,2716,85,596,36,50,901,305,724,0.187,0.688,0.125,-0.995,3,2,3,0,2,1,140.0,5,1,4,9,19,47,15,1,34,1,60,26,7,8,5,92,131,31,3,16,24,6,5,4,0,9,7,6,3,2,22,18,3,9,13,4,7,14,25,24,0,2,30,12,89,23,78,82,16,90,0,6,0,9,46,34,11,11,46,342,111,2,0.0,0.06256866641328529,0.02576642172727854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023405486153970232,0.0,0.026439716580872314,0.054693006032240685,0.02913738751782474,0.0,0.021970180551998127,0.8582592424963227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026185598388713125,0.0,0.0,0.021728180294903147,0.0,0.02468410535732764,0.0,0.04961471290103301,0.06090896490754444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02246779520666348,0.0,0.0,0.14011275440385834,0.028826247251666288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392271857589951,0.030199055808512936,0.026920560994425226,0.0,0.027931851331821692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02108138539223,0.0,0.058006942972380536,0.08514173555230999,0.05444257401414202,0.0454833233646191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02702038224851571,0.0,0.025865794159012245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059401722906576936,0.07015812063957655,0.0,0.0,0.03487908652933714,0.0,0.02224644537931867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467381104687726,0.0,0.06675308847036718,0.018862969104864968,0.0,0.11569683572454455,0.0,0.02245916488926732,0.03192773059434513,0.0,0.0,0.19528002358638008,0.027589921782165527,0.0,0.030011917808667424,0.06643907802044265,0.12670578391948314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02606840925221701,0.02709804430832124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01769799417754866,0.0,0.026485289351428683,0.05245010989190827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734510744785208,0.029212030649930856,0.02749562446380165,0.04353271953257881,0.0430454454842407,0.0,0.0,0.028687941479026813,0.0269998019599191,0.037299745791197145,0.05159849564276445,0.0,0.04663029856277414,0.023366642505470964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524964957795757,0.0,0.10610516529117077,0.02876161460979413,0.0,0.053198352669054885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021075360813584097,0.0,0.0388198455062494,0.039156351252909435,0.0203643345042616,0.0,0.0,0.02477829471081688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02811931810954893,0.017891982737887408,0.040162749131420115,0.0,0.0,0.02931843372194966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023054888629825892,0.0,0.0,0.02496024337519128,0.029766457873638488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02654323716940897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669586754008496,0.0,0.022548807453216337,0.05023235771763095,0.02099746072346016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021841599389600574,0.02967911768074508,0.05284598666293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02955703201721095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028881608127283694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030195189056813163,0.0,0.08770797173330036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02502783331680977,0.0,0.0,0.05377959508329328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03176067042405212,0.06841354014703414,0.0,0.0,0.0934423134570319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024476702756906568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025452441216166525,0.0,0.019222371674703233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028868546737769937,0.0,0.06801304736498069
suicidewatch,hkvp70,2019/03/10,"I just don't want to do this anymore I'm tired, I've been suicidal most of my life from the age of 13 to 48.
I have every reason to live. But I'm just tired, I don't want to do this anymore.",-1.9832608695652143,-0.4824997608695654,1.3371304347826083,101.86221739130436,90.08695652173913,4.549565217391304,15.72173913043478,5.6839178017228535,-0.98480347826087,145,3,41,1,5,52,27,46,0.279,0.721,0.0,-0.8944,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,0,7,10,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,7,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514675617594022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186259570032916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328080015787496,0.0,0.0,0.22912859728397506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667921534123208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838327251369102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5964759964353591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30610006611268664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yoheyguys,2019/03/10,"Life is monotonous The same thing everyday. Wake up at 6:40, catch the bus to school at 6:52, dont brush my teeth or eat. Go through class after class after class of classes I may be doing well in because I decided to do the homework on the bus, or miserably failing because I dont give two shits about anything because I've convinced myself I'd be dead or be good as dead after college. Go to rehearsal, rehearse until ungodly hours into the night when I should be home, get picked up by my parents who may or may not be intoxicated, and watch them as their marriage and social life collapse around them as money becomes tighter and their addictions and vices get more and more expensive. Hop on my computer and browse reddit or 4chan until I either pass out in my computer chair or log myself to bed and lie there for hours having an internal monologue about how my life could have been better if I was just a little bit better at talking to people, if I can just get my vocal range a bit higher, if I didn't do that thing, If I DID do that thing, and among thousands of other random thoughts that lose their meaning. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, depression is for people who actually give enough of a shit and have even a little bit of self actualization and realization to wake up and smell the roses right in front of their face. Suicide may be an option for some, but thats only if I give a shit to finally do it, which I probably wont.",17.88797702297702,7.0561125629370665,15.816313686313686,54.4384265734266,56.23776223776222,18.72047952047952,55.19280719280719,12.031772070788634,6.439006593406592,1147,41,221,17,7,375,159,286,0.091,0.863,0.046,-0.9309,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,6,4,10,13,3,1,13,0,31,13,7,2,0,46,42,30,3,8,16,1,0,0,0,7,5,2,3,1,12,14,1,0,3,0,2,5,6,8,1,2,5,5,26,5,42,23,9,34,0,5,1,0,17,18,3,18,11,163,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.20099954755939398,0.11227026939005592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474895068454183,0.0916796422138106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833847953389016,0.11374027818220987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216602820368,0.3373031022747364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822261812410962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740390021070354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413983554349401,0.0,0.0,0.10538069643532118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064123788601974,0.0,0.06802148049392916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281645876572785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141827493871605,0.2963815322687652,0.11705897630607892,0.08638002308921255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330365684771928,0.0,0.2028415228605116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182268100940989,0.0,0.2064386580581475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521532789323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218227320881616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664566696303843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832572261683549,0.0,0.0,0.11435409960365465,0.0,0.0,0.14279546779538246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103665095341854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794973830809602,0.0,0.08189884008697018,0.0,0.1042276347427965,0.0,0.0,0.10743717237386567,0.0,0.3171418739326001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498156445306203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265029789188515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277648765599091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052585666221745,0.0,0.0,0.08175961927692878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060265153835712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259705271619653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kalmonroe03,2019/03/10,Am 15 and thinking about suicide Um I am a freshman in high school and just to clarify nothing is going on at my house that makes me want to die. It’s mostly because I really don’t have any friends my anxiety gets the best of me not allowing me to make friends with anyone the only thing that kept’s me going (well this might sound weird but) is  anime and Video games. But lately the two have not been working for me I think I might Hurt myself idk I just need someone to talk to.,3.563757142857142,4.4127216900000015,4.495428571428572,88.27700000000002,72.1,7.314285714285713,26.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.195271428571429,379,12,81,4,7,123,72,100,0.152,0.741,0.107,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,3,0,21,20,5,2,2,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,2,0,2,3,2,2,1,2,1,13,4,12,16,2,7,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,1,57,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424491990922848,0.0,0.13976798648349925,0.0,0.0,0.1277508177597135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137460408691456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917364753212188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896178071338424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823131660398129,0.0,0.09545524901860128,0.0,0.2076696781216671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930367057247916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081577492945386,0.1955883080125242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609796174286704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439125492887333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876399393877773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547262978912733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530932344716052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895455195126724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170447993083263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849061049519464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480442496935098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998484169411179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685047734070342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138035546197908,0.2341385688559683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784751663001851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077634962788102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427275155992432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301061811077636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,troddle,2019/03/10,"I was going to tonight but I dont know why I didnt I had the chance to.  My roomate was gone for awhile.  I had two options, hang myself or cut a hole in the window and just jump and be free. I did neither.  I should be relieved.  I am not.  Why? I dont know, I really desperately want to but Ill just drink tonight instead",-2.1629047619047626,-0.4614263857142866,0.6764285714285734,100.60273809523814,105.71428571428572,3.4761904761904763,17.261904761904766,5.46131890053228,-0.667380952380952,243,8,60,2,12,83,45,70,0.161,0.703,0.135,-0.2065,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,12,2,0,0,0,13,17,5,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,4,5,1,0,1,7,0,12,3,5,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6512456835854203,0.2721744420612189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790114416253334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30538384857745593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798946766057092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140633354174154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638754344426721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014092738489864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_fucked_ur_waifu,2019/03/10,"Why do people always assume? I'm a guy who has a lot of mental problems but I'm not very open about them. I often try my best to seem happy, or sometimes I actually am happy (my mood swings crazily). I don't know if I'm actually having happy mood swings or if I've just had the mask on for so long tbh.

But there are long periods of time when I'm incredibly, can't-leave-the-bed depressed. Considering cutting, drinking, smoking, suicide. Anything to escape. Obviously I refrain as best I can as I know it will only make things worse in the long run, and that I don't truly want to die, I just want the pain to stop. I haven't been to lectures in fucking weeks due to all the shit.

So I finally screw up the courage to talk to some friends. Let's call my friends A B C D E.

A is very nice and supportive and everything between us is pretty private.

B tries to be supportive but doesn't really understand.

C D and E have their own issues. C has horribly low self esteem and probably some type of depression, D has had strong anxiety attacks where he can't eat or sleep, E has depression/PTSD and is also always talking about careers.

C is always nice and comforts me when I'm sad and has asked am I depressed but for some reason I always end up saying no because I feel like he won't understand and because of how I've heard him talk - it's clear he doesn't fully understand strong depression. e.g. why do people complain and say they want to kill themselves and then never do? 

D straight up decided to tell me I'm fine and don't have depression or anxiety or anything wrong with me. Claiming that if there's something wrong, it would be someone else telling me, not me realising it myself. Never mind that he already told me something's wrong with me, always saying this in a way to imply I'm lesser. It pisses me off how he thinks he knows so much about me, or that his suffering is ""that's what **real** mental illness is"". Just because you have the most severe form, no one else can suffer? For the record, he seems, from outside, 100% fine to me, but I showed sympathy for him because obviously he knows his life better than mine... and then he proceeds to tell me shit about my own life.

E is better than D but still makes assumptions that I ""probably only have mild to moderate depression"". He also makes assumptions about other people and their lives, e.g. he told me I haven't had a hard life when he hasn't got the slightest fucking clue of the shit I've been through.

AND I have been around C and D, heard them talk about how E ""isn't depressed, he just needs to stop stressing out about careers"". How the fuck would they know? 

I feel bad for complaining because they're all genuinely good friends and are trying to help. But my god they don't have a single fucking clue. The intense mood swings, irritability, rage, intense sadness/depression, anhedonia, impulsivity, lack of executive function, etc. Sometimes I just wanna drink and smoke myself to death, slash my body up, just fucking end it all. I know myself and I know that how I'm feeling is intensely abnormal. Sometimes I'm walking along with them and I just want to give up, just lay down and give up, but I try to keep going and smiling the best I can. 

**Tl;dr: Can people just stop making fucking assumptions about what other people's lives have been like or what other people are going through??!!!**",4.244602968460112,5.646692718181821,5.110333951762524,82.41448051948053,71.06060606060606,7.933209647495363,28.772418058132338,8.418075326091056,2.061475572047001,2654,101,511,42,49,864,272,660,0.196,0.605,0.199,0.8321,1,0,5,0,0,2,102.0,1,1,8,7,36,62,15,1,19,0,58,21,6,10,8,117,111,57,4,13,29,0,4,2,3,4,5,5,0,2,22,29,3,5,19,3,0,4,18,35,0,1,12,9,60,24,66,92,18,45,0,11,0,7,54,18,11,19,24,319,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.10051372688846373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683186129235375,0.08236954203625081,0.2142618745306684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879517652906605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476071699288558,0.04584618538003444,0.0481458281369702,0.058589025668799234,0.0,0.0,0.043000599033123116,0.15697052326999295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621391614786548,0.09109565981391246,0.0,0.05720522299211817,0.0,0.0,0.05258756401440295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548570609485145,0.0,0.053449180180932976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090137456299318,0.0,0.05269766359889965,0.08604378395557112,0.0,0.09122795877018744,0.0,0.057436447591573125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046285148560821915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812029673140743,0.03679182435535222,0.0,0.05641606094437215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193670112569704,0.28566718293222404,0.0,0.09880756035182682,0.058537614224209035,0.04319600792555375,0.04118949426657795,0.0,0.0,0.050993393512348835,0.0,0.16446907984311754,0.04613415279055602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03451956527111525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375293262959745,0.0,0.04577583261871343,0.05697745115100825,0.0,0.19812252484300172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266254563723145,0.10912855404839812,0.050320890050108216,0.0,0.09095141622835737,0.13672843369295484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378371308850966,0.0,0.0,0.13750739967288034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380037808120372,0.0,0.05200062155449847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03785864593818041,0.03818681962750934,0.07944041195520953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034897935876466564,0.0783365971420787,0.05479994986147547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422293968081155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239431942907045,0.1110520669728739,0.049278831491157214,0.060201094318398415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058618615844432675,0.0329924106919773,0.052950885396008215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286531604084128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376787715838086,0.0537260443258686,0.05818067961933651,0.15859295251367414,0.0,0.0,0.05153749254369372,0.0,0.04363603676289858,0.07929489348466585,0.15280533961914594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041128205820712735,0.12916966959745813,0.05899341923994213,0.0,0.0,0.056332968972794266,0.116883859457894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655759602261195,0.13504059556726186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03421451069167602,0.03299931252040853,0.0,0.0,0.03003023887639187,0.0,0.0,0.0984214866118762,0.0,0.13986129155712995,0.0,0.0,0.16084088455257928,0.06194851940612987,0.0,0.0,0.08498628150668774,0.12150484422526416,0.04087854071514476,0.04131043392359246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929420201376134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248320513011469,0.07316867050150103,0.1689224790220921,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvilLOON,2019/03/10,"Shout out to those with mental issues I was diagnosed with an extreme form of PTSD a few years ago.  It created and issue where I became a person I didn't know and I wanted to end it all. I have come to terms with the PTSD. There is no cure for it but you can learn to deal with a majority of the symptoms. In the last 2 years, I have slowly started to reclaim my life.   


Your not alone in this world, talk to someone. People listen and care.",1.0876328502415475,3.0346723043478256,2.890144927536234,92.54857487922706,81.3913043478261,5.393236714975847,18.917874396135264,6.42735559955562,-0.0728009661835749,340,8,75,3,9,113,66,92,0.018000000000000002,0.89,0.091,0.7438,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,6,3,0,0,1,15,12,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,9,1,16,10,5,13,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,7,54,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722854192971238,0.0,0.0,0.20707029217598089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038450191372145,0.0,0.0,0.17222457689929646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612214478164412,0.0,0.20292778724107016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708129543767742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41735621719222016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098779485322409,0.16297208034264282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121859117635666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014854400485287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860836883243716,0.17457378451089553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467421957583098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940258275877065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151360700575769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20780694079528075,0.0,0.16069857270422816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792566394894667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750059489038474
suicidewatch,3eveyhammond,2019/03/10,"Tired of being tired At this point the feeling is so prevalent I don't blame my past anymore. I have happy periods but ultimately I just end up wishing I wasn't alive. No one around me cares nor do I expect someone to want to be around me when I'm so pathetic. I've tried to be happy so that I stop wanting death so much but the pain always comes back and I don't know what else to do to stop it. I've tried therapy, prescribed and unprescribed drugs. Nothing works and are all short term crutches to a long term problem. ",2.5813888888888883,4.218575101851855,3.730740740740744,89.68833333333332,75.75925925925927,6.651851851851853,25.88888888888889,7.3871296695380915,1.1641777777777778,413,15,88,5,9,134,73,108,0.253,0.59,0.157,-0.9489,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,3,0,11,4,0,0,1,19,19,11,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,1,10,3,11,15,4,17,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,10,56,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370045700776801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329163253718268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931523366652051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660807120336712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787480997536716,0.0,0.0,0.14183406708895696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094532320544916,0.0,0.13754653802165914,0.0,0.14583377581466164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325355511389501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505525753525616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048903823309366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571281301235112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103897442895525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798909108294978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157320246139722,0.0,0.17520250832061207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571800157462113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556504009859553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755078072487586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951003811784202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753147301487944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882951705996208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784890361913419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357729486716216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423332991347328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934294021746356,0.0,0.0,0.11986941850264304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tyxylil,2019/03/10,"I’m scared that my (18F) online friend (20M) of 4 years is going to kill himself. He’s unbelievably selfless and hes a really amazing friend he’s helped me through so much and been there for me in what truly were my darkest times. 

That being said, he’s struggled with depression and a really bad homelife for a long time. 

His dad is out of the picture and his mom treats him like scum. After high school he’s just been stuck in his moms house with no drivers license, or any form of identification really so going back to school and getting a job is nearly impossible for him because he has no way to get there, and no way to identify himself and his mom wont help him. 

Things have been up and down for a long time now, but he’s seen no improvement in his life and no one to help him irl. He lives in Florida, I live in Illinois and have no way to contact any of his family (sad to say, but they probably wouldnt do anything to help anyway). 

I’m just at a loss right now. I don’t know what to say or how to help. I dont want him to kill himself. He’s really important to me, I wanna meet him one day. I dont know what to do. ",4.31330357142857,3.9102281041666656,5.698214285714287,84.74250000000002,70.04166666666666,9.19047619047619,27.97619047619048,8.841846274778883,1.7864940476190476,875,26,201,14,14,297,123,240,0.195,0.737,0.068,-0.98,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,11,13,2,2,7,0,19,1,0,1,0,26,31,17,2,3,6,4,0,1,2,2,1,3,0,0,6,13,0,0,3,0,0,2,11,8,0,2,7,4,27,5,36,21,2,28,0,3,1,0,41,12,0,2,12,129,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458159804081605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882265269971615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243958404630229,0.08951773052623868,0.0653555779156565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914301638092649,0.0,0.09234173323042838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513038610015006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010701451124844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566379984912954,0.0,0.11202792621961034,0.0,0.12186235758565125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593104760520086,0.11327560322219392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123708514317136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063915912749834,0.0,0.23722888670825276,0.0,0.11784207123262445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572716592853053,0.052378478168131966,0.0,0.18934071971040006,0.1897588926326741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37669699027087694,0.0,0.0,0.07881332217190208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452995581436018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559291299642055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27473158943301484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155865528194504,0.10198337836291864,0.17051893073850746,0.10733814163867042,0.2170089931783168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120814969776779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122703908904393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754893363029812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323654872000407,0.2553002242521383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904115851009926
suicidewatch,datpersonoverthere,2019/03/10,"Feeling lost in college and death seems like a super nice option  

I actually made a post like this for the offmychest thread but I'm not sure if it's completely appropriate there since I am feeling extremly suicidal though I don't have a plan or anything, just intense feelings of wanting to die so I've decided to post what's causing me to feel this way and maybe get some advice or just not feel too alone in what I'm going through. just a note, SUPER LONG rambling ahead 

Hey, I just made this account since I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues lately that I don't know where else to release where I'll be comfortable with so I decided to post here cause anonymity and the community here seems alright.

I'm a college student, sophomore, studying chemistry (trying pre-med cause I still have interest in to becoming a doctor) and I came to realize I hate my major. I started to stop going to my classes (most which are major specific) this semester because I find it to be a chore and I'm just trying to get a good score on the exams for a good grade. I still go to my labs but I hate it and feel like I'm about to face some unimaginable dread for no reason. I'm assuming its probably partially due to my anxiety disorder but I also dislike the lab work because it's solo rather than what I thought to be partner work or at least be a little more ""people interacting"". In fact, the only major specific class I actually look forward to is the physics lab because it is partner work and I get to interact with another human being.

I guess the craving for human interaction is also because I feel lonely af at my school despite trying to join clubs talking to people in class and other ""socializing advice"". I have been diagnosed with severe social anxiety since I was a child due some childhood events but I have improved with social skill classes so I can at least make eye contact with people and hold a somewhat alright conversation without freaking out too much in 1-1 interactions and small-medium sized groups. I had always thought I was an introvert because I thought I liked being by myself. I came to the realization once coming to college that I was actually an extrovert as I wanted to be with people, I wanted to go to the large events and just interact and talk to everyone and in cases where I am comfortable with a group, I find myself happier and more ""in my element"" than doing things alone. I realized most of my alone time, really stemmed from me being afraid of working with other people because I thought they disliked me/ fear of I will do something that make them not like me. I realized this with the assignments I get in school between those done by yourself vs group projects/work, I actually really enjoy group work. Problem is, I hate the group selection part because I find it so hard to put myself out there and insert myself in a group since I feel like such an outsider. I already see so many people have their own friend groups and cliques and I just feel like i'm being intrusive when inserting myself into an already established group. This is the same thing I'm facing when trying to put myself out there to socialize.

During my school's housing selection for upperclassmen (since I'm going to be a junior next semester) I wanted to live in the apartments but to do that, you had to find a group of people to apply with. So I asked my only few friends and acquaintances if they wanted to make a group but it turned out they already had their established groups. I was upset but not too much as I just thought to myself I'll just go and ask other people on my school's facebook page since there were a lot of posts for looking for roommates to create a group for the apartment application. I messaged as many as I could and got rejected over and over again but then I found a group who accepted me only to reject me later for a different person. That honestly destroyed me beyond belief. Never had I felt so alone and unlikable in my whole entire life. I just kept thinking ""what is wrong with me?"". I eventually found a group and they only accepted me because my lottery number was low enough so I just felt convinced I was a person no one wanted unless I give them something in return as in material or academic goods. I know i have some talents and good qualities, like being a good listener and a pretty good artist, but I guess that means jackshit since it requires a person to actually invest in getting to know me beyond short conversation that gets shutted down pretty quickly even if I try to find a way to continue it somehow but I have to accept defeat and just feel rejected all over again.

I don't know if this is the right place to say it, but lately I just feel like I have absolutely nothing to offer and no point in my life and I just want to end everything. I actually attempted suicide last year for similar feelings though it more related to grades since I was so obsessed with them being a premed and I thought a 3.5 year average was the end of the world for me. Now I'm actually a huge decline after getting another breakdown over grades and I failed my calc final since I took it in the midst of a panic attack making my gpa drop by .4 points. Now I'm currently on the path to failing most of my classes because I have no motivation, I'm stressed beyond belief, I feel lonely as hell, I hate my major and I feel like I'm damned for a miserable life in all ways and most of all I hate myself for feeling this way when so many people have it much worse and not being disciplined and just being a failure to everyone around me and my dreams.

I've been struggling with these kinds of feelings and issues for over 10 years now, been in and out of hospitals and tried so many different treatments for my mental health which I know is fucked up and needs to be treated but I'm just so tired of this. I just want the ceiling above my bed to fall on top of me and crush me to death or get hit by a damn car so I can end of all this.

for those of you who took the time to read all of this, thanks for you time and I feel little better after getting all of this out.",6.814379935911994,6.47452664279767,7.315477632276133,75.02502579920774,64.8368026644463,10.242984381702117,34.266911412207,9.762985499327057,3.2243859561476533,4882,193,904,89,66,1609,437,1201,0.158,0.711,0.131,-0.9944,3,10,2,0,0,2,74.0,0,3,9,19,66,71,11,9,60,2,64,11,3,11,9,217,171,90,5,16,47,0,20,10,4,1,7,2,2,9,49,66,0,5,54,4,2,16,14,33,0,1,37,26,134,38,167,116,36,128,3,11,4,1,62,62,4,27,53,640,183,32,0.0,0.0,0.2403767443434847,0.0,0.0,0.06877286143806058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578139018670538,0.11649630821864045,0.056281502069886524,0.029280192257444927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379778524102441,0.053839207810163485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02895767264786222,0.03132580458232029,0.06579421128151333,0.04003273889758837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305881642024625,0.0388636521853477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03112194410476388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049402761837103,0.0,0.10844685294400687,0.0,0.03031233739622945,0.03689515492034122,0.0,0.0,0.02809567340044672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03627846913573216,0.0,0.0357162471504769,0.036520782690075033,0.07353034553173239,0.04032981525214528,0.03601758674850663,0.0,0.03601071849335522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029396019967338694,0.0,0.09350142826026928,0.036359799240274784,0.0,0.02324210210576006,0.0,0.0,0.06724948282497152,0.031625739565049965,0.0,0.0,0.03959757761036604,0.3024757617498775,0.12569568115962956,0.0675742059761314,0.03854799446885511,0.16081123079372064,0.0,0.0,0.07716617470647509,0.05437410095249924,0.032531802715018925,0.16546390936887026,0.0337566397419957,0.11999283137968984,0.17708993999769568,0.02814397833851916,0.0,0.07752963332914074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031522567099273424,0.17371000500977934,0.0,0.03740442158702785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040603555226244516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345666163164359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036644085315238745,0.096695184516619,0.028683854386242276,0.07938978925503326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456541324286572,0.17191641518823034,0.07053754687964743,0.031072664689956564,0.031141290958073182,0.059100047808499215,0.0,0.038413114740010634,0.059833114957316975,0.0,0.06659365030378786,0.09395612514038187,0.14270510228030214,0.035352231538112004,0.03833130107493442,0.0,0.0,0.03546238724540431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760422385722612,0.026092309302414025,0.02714004229817173,0.0,0.03742406089341368,0.0,0.0,0.03376493907367384,0.0,0.0,0.03747529695749202,0.023845079160470704,0.10705173891241043,0.0,0.04128688632302209,0.0,0.038106420960541405,0.0,0.21956153679517693,0.12290323603988575,0.0367651727658662,0.0,0.06653024294347447,0.0,0.13480591644577408,0.07160003381103526,0.03793985606019442,0.033671264741893824,0.0,0.07074963135745096,0.0,0.0,0.035198673300933465,0.0,0.04508614190992739,0.03618030757905871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030051342356685145,0.0,0.02798382495974285,0.0,0.14245319633406947,0.028041197087078418,0.06406976221933705,0.0,0.039753724003734135,0.0,0.2619794612254519,0.0,0.0,0.14348363031929398,0.0,0.05418065466267325,0.0,0.0,0.024907061924293056,0.0,0.056204202276866816,0.02941970558169197,0.040309053140070265,0.03678734060864003,0.0,0.07698243868953004,0.0,0.033165358010052486,0.0,0.0,0.056567412649256715,0.0,0.03239744207666729,0.0,0.0,0.046756216113627125,0.022547786839762076,0.06914632363229724,0.16761752954189618,0.06155723012531754,0.04044475210109421,0.0,0.0,0.07819288222455795,0.14334674035468087,0.03827569105234835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660437820269981,0.1117260393586173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0392874299868896,0.0,0.03392108546704195,0.0,0.1537087244997227,0.0,0.0358607507719886,0.0,0.03847381211430522,0.0,0.06798197782722229
suicidewatch,throwawy989,2019/03/10,"Im an bad person. Hate is a strong word, and because of that, I don't hate most things. In fact, I love a lot of things. I love drinking sweet coffee and watching YouTube. I love playing games and getting lost in stories. I love the feeling of watching the first snow of the new year. I love the people that I trust. The only thing I hate is myself.

When I feel Joy from things that I love, I also feel more and more hatred for myself. I hate that I can feel happy despite what I've done and how I've hurt people, I hate that I've been able to get away with the things that I did, and I hate that Im too scared to tell people why. Im trapped in myself. Sometimes I want to claw at my skin to escape my body. Other times I want to kill myself because I deserve it. 

I remember once I tried to tell people one of the reasons I hate myself, and they only reminded me of how my feelings towards myself were justified. I also remember seeing a thread where people were telling someone else that they deserved to die over something terrible they've done years ago. Most of them mentioned how the op couldnt change, and the thing that the person did will never go away. Then they went on to say how the op could never become a good person after what they've done. 

That broke me because I've done worse. I don't deserve to live. I know it, and other people made sure I did. You reading this would most likely think the same. 

I hate the fact that people worry about me, so I lie to them. Id lie to my parents who would get calls from the concerned school. I'd lie to any counselor about how I'm feeling. I'd lie to my best friend who wants me to feel nothing but comfort around them.

I hate myself. I hate who I am and who I was. I hate that I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I hate that I'd even consider killing myself because I'd be destroying the people that love me. I hate that people love me, sometimes.

But I love them too. I don't want to lose them. I don't want them to know anything about what I did.

I hate that I love things. I hate that I love things despite of who I am. I hate that I'm about to be happy despite who I was. I hate how selfish I am for loving things.",1.9451585842335104,3.4022352947598264,3.2293036083658926,93.37712479889684,77.05676855895197,5.5197425879108275,22.096299701218108,5.750287758089431,0.0963135371179038,1687,46,376,8,38,548,171,458,0.113,0.618,0.268,0.9973,1,1,2,0,0,3,48.0,0,1,9,5,20,54,21,1,20,0,30,15,2,8,5,54,85,23,4,9,2,1,8,1,1,3,0,1,0,3,41,12,1,0,13,4,0,2,7,29,0,2,16,13,78,25,46,62,8,24,0,4,3,12,40,11,0,4,12,255,119,2,0.04002357285404538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03547848245091125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401367350252299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02721740200754484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03293599022946137,0.035629465330304616,0.0,0.0,0.07520692838365636,0.0,0.03341801154737293,0.09759199410581433,0.04420289172487393,0.0,0.0,0.04200227045210317,0.0,0.0,0.04445716677221377,0.0,0.0,0.04086854278769087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233963314320646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03195556617619147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041538149715267016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638320436695165,0.0,0.03920786426364123,0.0,0.0,0.03343455940685877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02643519239879141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165984706169607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03404403062359933,0.0,0.0,0.030922113104270326,0.0,0.06273199471256442,0.0,0.02274631879655236,0.03356987400442093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521167507688886,0.0,0.6717548654873033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428460625274786,0.0,0.12969698028585985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284046013202566,0.0,0.04399181786745476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019553496027732712,0.0,0.035341548095968664,0.0,0.0,0.04477614039022868,0.04369045769476125,0.0340266103839998,0.4334740455046697,0.037871272364004116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173729352008149,0.03865501606510545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840369759518567,0.0,0.0,0.04262379886144755,0.02712100878410803,0.06087946137353504,0.0,0.0,0.04444144118390606,0.0,0.0,0.2497257538127924,0.10484112010494302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040034403801271386,0.0,0.0,0.0411508988106044,0.0,0.0,0.09067781182878773,0.0,0.0,0.03182835156212355,0.04007057859563632,0.040505992484869344,0.03189360569522832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033911843397829614,0.03081210175789742,0.07916867390551764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037721743755409085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049471003544555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393089503825897,0.025645489403831837,0.0,0.0,0.02333806719224077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027173378751575016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803470122165867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03710225301471793,0.0361150492322496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064588102374223,0.0407874400477609,0.05686319564621878,0.0,0.0,0.051547737387248216
suicidewatch,PleaseHelpThrowawayC,2019/03/10,"Failed an Exam Hello everyone,

I just got back my mark for a brutal midterm exam that I wrote and I failed it completely.

I ran away from my physically and emotionally abusive parents in hopes to make a better future for myself but I keep getting fucked by everything that I try to do well in. I give everything my all, seek out all the help I can get, do what I can to improve my grades but my grades are still sub-par. Nothing I do ever works and it makes me want to end this fucking hell that I live in.

I have no bright future and my life is constant pain and misery. I don't want to live this bullshit life so please recommend me some painless and easy suicide method that will take me out real quick.

I really don't care the damage that I do to my family or any of my friends when they figure out that I'm dead, so please don't comment any of that BS. Just tell me what will take me out quickly and easily.

Thank you",4.381945898778358,4.628330890052354,5.321164921465968,85.26178228621292,69.94240837696336,8.460907504363004,26.911431064572426,8.344100000000001,1.5545912739965098,724,21,156,10,12,238,111,191,0.23,0.561,0.209,-0.9233,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,4,11,15,4,0,5,0,14,5,0,2,3,29,33,13,2,3,5,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,13,11,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,3,1,31,7,20,28,3,19,1,3,1,2,10,8,3,3,10,108,44,8,0.0,0.16555895930012288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004440122858554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128232875561627,0.10744488597037456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235811423061382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246556039961156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650580231328694,0.1510000935220504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571791119869382,0.12376062018879225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639512692013866,0.0,0.13351942087921914,0.2511632954913668,0.0,0.13172640718954692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079561978030568,0.2583590104311364,0.14600786621391812,0.1340431717790421,0.0,0.0,0.11175603234828173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365906821093592,0.0,0.0,0.13878489197010624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419976311914753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973929587873884,0.0,0.0,0.24677092047682486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654370100435852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407612733238766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486841506178093,0.0,0.15515527670843796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067664173789653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904501973546994,0.08951556658301105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158974350058767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284356399361498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012137211393067,0.0,0.12213147579876775,0.12864597681153975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486850531819878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164834498984487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256353850571365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172618443624992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Puchie08,2019/03/10,"Being pushed but judgement when I’m dead stops me. I’m 26/F
I just want to die, it’s this imploding feeling that I sit back and watch myself do.
I live with my mum and dad and younger sister,
The only reason I’m still here is because of my sister.
My mother is very much like me and I constantly see her own mental health issues.
It makes me realise that that is where I’m going and makes it seem even more pointless.
Life is just to much recently with the stresses of work and uni, I want to take a break from uni but my families judgement is to much.
3 months ago I broke my shoulder and it stopped me doing a lot of the things I use to like the gym and be able to work.
This injury has broken me mentally and the only way I found to cope was to turn my pain into distraction by pursuing a guy I liked and talking to him everyday over the past 4 months.
As of yesterday I finally decided to set things straight and have it confirmed that he doesn’t want to lead me on... fair he did it in a nice way but I feel like that’s it then because he did distant himself and I should just leave him alone.
Between all this happening I just feel like a pest to him, my friends, my colleagues and my parents.
No one really knows the suffering I have been feeling lately and I know if I kill myself everyone will be like blah blah blah she killed herself over this guy.
That’s not true at all.
I want to kill myself because I’m over this repeative means of life, the last few years are constantly the same and I’m watching people come and go out of my life and I feel stuck.
I’m just over existing.

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suicidewatch,itsover123a123,2019/03/10,"Suiciding Tommorow First of all sorry for my english, its not my native. I would like it to be some kind of my goodbye letter. Wont talk to my familly atm, hope they will read it later. If its somehow breaking the forum rules, i understand you have the right to delete it.

Male - 23 years old. I will try to be as honest as i can. In my familly, there is a long history of psyhical disorders. 2x Schizophrenia, Anxiety, OCD too. I am not schizophrenic, but i suffer anxiety, agoraphobia and strong ocd. Always had a though life, no doubt. I was raised by a mother, dad left her before i got even born. Somehow antisocial but not really. I mean, when i get in a relationship i could do well, but it was hard to get into. In 6 grade school phobia striked me had, so i was taught in a home. I managed to finish the highschool, thanks to my supportive family and school. 2011 is propably the best year in my live i ever had, the priest that was teaching in my school, we became really a good friends ( we still are), and im being honest, he managed, only for one year, but he did it, he changed my life. He got me into church, into god, i was happy, i became catholic, met a lot of amazing people. I started believing in god, i still do, which is shamefull, because i want to suicide. Early 2012 is when things got bad again due to my anxiety. I had to left the school and was taught in home again. Late 2012 i was finally managing to get better, when a fucking nightmare happened. We were living in a big house, me, mother, grandma, grandpa and my uncle. I had a strong relationship with my uncle. 29 November 2012 is one of the worst days in my life. I remember the date because it was a premiere of a game Far Cry 3. I was sitting home, happy from the fact that i can play a game i really wanted to play. Then i heared my unclee scream. It wasnt a normal scream. It was a death scream. I quickly dropped my headphones and saw my uncle lying on the floor, having a seizure attack. I didnt knew it was a seizure back then, i thought he is just dying. My grandma (his mother) started screaming ""he is dying"" and started panicking all over again. He had a really strong seizure attack, really big seizure attack. I called the ambulance, they came as fast as they could, but when they did, the seizure attack was already gone. I remember this moment very good, despite all those years, this is the worst moment of my life. I remember his scream, due to my ocd issues, he persist in my head. I wake up, i hear his screamign in my head. Its not like a schizophrenic would hear it, its just the thought is so strong, it seems like it is so deep in my brain. My mind is offten repeating his scream, i can see his face, i can see him twitching, i can see my grandma, i can see myself, 17 years old child, having to experience something like that, this was and still is a fucking nightmare. We went to the hospital, and later it was found that my uncle has cancer. Brain cancer, uncurable, the doc said he has max 3-4 months left. I remember it was a dark time for me, just as dark as it is now. He didnt got any treatment, it was pointless. We spent the last couple of months happy, i was even going outside with him, it was a dark time, true, but i am proud that we as a familly, were able to make his last life moments happy. He had a couple more seizure attack, but overall, he had a happy life, his last moments were happy. Then the final day came. 21 March. He was in agony for a couple of days, i knew he is going to die. He ate his breakfast, but he couldnt really talk anymore. I saw him lying on the bed, i knew its his time. I told him, ""Hi"", he weaved me with his hand. Then i did something that i still regred, i ran away from the room, i ran away, i decided to hide. Imagine how fucking worthelss trash i am, his last image of mine was seeing me escaping from the room, escaping from him. I couldnt stand it, it was too much for me, i was scarried, my mental state was horrible. This is the last time i saw his face. The last image i remember, was a 2 ambulance guys taking him away from our home..... Idk why my familly called for a ambulance back then, i would prefer him to die in home. But he died in a hospitall. I wasnt even able to go to watch him, to say goodbye. I will always miss him, he was one of the most important persons in my life, his life was too short. Shortly after that, i developed strong agoraphobia. Believe me or not, since march 2013 to now, i never left my home more than 500 meters away. This is also a big problem, because i have no job, no friends, nothing. I cant study, i cant go outside, i cant do nothing. For a 6 years, i sit in front of computer, play games and do nothing. My agoraphobia is very strong, when i go outside, my body starts twitching, its a reaction to super strong anxiety. The strong anxiety started back in march 2013 too, it is just combined with my agoraphobia. I still remember the last time i was outside without feeling stressed. But its not the reason why i want to suicide. I just wanted to express my whole life, i dont know why. Maybe, because i know its the last chance to do this.

​

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The real problem is, because i think i might be pedophile,hebophile,ephebophile. When i was 15-19, i always showed intrest in a younger girls than me. Not a kids, but for example when i was 17 i preferred 15/14/13, when i was 18 17,16.17. Sexually, i was also into girls older then that, but romantically, i always prefered younger girls. The only GF i had was 15 years old, i was 18 back then. Back then, i thought its not a problem, in my country, the legal age is 15, and tbh i found her ""smaller, petite body quite hot. But at this moment, it looks like a problem for me. I am 23, and sexually i am attracted to women aged 20-30, but romantically, not that much. My ideal gap seems to be 19-18, its just the fact that their body is so young, and the girls are just not that mature like for example 20+ years old girls.... I like childish womens, not acting like an actuall child, but in a funny and cute way. 18-19 years old girl are also the type of body i like the most, i mean cute face, petite body etc, skinny.... it turns me on. When i think about girls 25+ years old, i just feel its not my cup of tea. I know i am attracted to the late teens the most, but lately i am obsessing about ephebophilia (and generally pedo) a lot, and i have thoughts that i am afraid of. For example, when i think about a girl 20+, something in my head tells me that ""shes too old"". But then i say to myself ""wtf, too old? am i pedophile because i find 20+ years girls too old""? I'll offten have a dream where i meet a 18 years old gf in a highscool, its just my thing. I think i am ephebophile because of that. But i also like petite, skinny womans, very skinny, i dont know if childlike skinny, maybe.... with a cute faces, but some of them, are really young. I mean the fact that someone is 14 years old turns me off, but if someone is 21 years old and looks very cute and very young, i feel attraction. When i think about a sex with 15 years old, it turns me off, but when i think about a sex with a mature woman that looks cute, and childish (again, i dont know if its a proper word, 10 years old kid face is a big turnoff for me, but the girls i feel attraction too look very young anyway) I am afraid it is because i am just a hidden hebophile/pedo, call what u want... and if i wanted i could just feel the attraction to a younger girl or even a child. I had multiple of OCD's in my life, health ocd's, sexuall ocd's, harm ocd's....  I would say pedo ocd too, but now im not really sure. You see, i always knew that i was attracted to cute petite womans, with childlike (or maybe youngishlike?, not child?) features. But for example, back in my teen days, i never feel attraction to a kid. A couple of years ago, something in my mind told me ""what if i find kids intresting, (and i mean a real kids, not teens, but prepubescent). I started having rituals, i started to looking for a photos on the internet just to clarify i dont feel attraction, but u know what? I started to feel arousal to kids too... And now i think i might always felt that, but it was hidden inside of me. I always thought its a pocd thing, but now i am thinking what if i really find KIDS attractive? What if i am one of pedophiles? What if i was always holding the urges back.... The POCD thing started 3 years ago, but its persistent even now. Everytime when i see a little kid, i feel orgasm. I would like to not see them anywhere, i would like the kids to not exist, so i would not get aroused like that. I would like to not harm any of them, its fucking disgusting. But i dont know anymore. On top of that, its the entire ephebophile/hebophile thing... I know the arousal to cute looking girls, petite bodies, skinny bodies, cute faces, small breast (or maybe lack of breast, i am afraid it kinda confirms that i am a pedophile) maybe not childish faces, but somehow underage faces (or maybe i should call it cute?) its my thing. I know when i see a girl which is 18 years old and a girl which is 24, i always find the 18 years old more attractive, just because of the age. I read it might be, because in 18 years old girls, its easier to find the body type and face type i like the most.... but i feel like a strong attraction to the age... i dont know if its ocd because i obsess about it every minute, literally every minute, or if its just me, a dirty pervert. I can feel the love for a older girls, of course, but deeply inside i just feel its not the same.... idk if i always felt before, or if its just the ocd. The very young looking girls, are not my primarly attraction tho, i dont even know if some of them are my attraction, i dont fucking know if its ocd or real.... my most prefered woman type is petite cute woman, but with a more mature face, still cute, but not really childish. Chrissy Constanza is a good example. I know i would never harm anyone, especially a kid (while typing this, i have a thought ""wouldnt you, really? you pevert.. you would.."", its propably ocd related...) but i just dont know. Im so fucking confused. Am i pedophile, ephebophile, hebophile? My ocd is strong atm, its persistend for a 3months... every minute i have like 10000 thoughts in my head, i had harm ocd, i was thinking i am a serialkiller, i cant even get out of my home to do something.. So much confusion, so much guilt. This is to much. I know some of this is my ocd, but deeply inside i really think, that some of it might be real. Just to make sure, i never watched CP, i only look for a kids and a early teenagers just to test myself (however i think i find some of the teenagers cute). I would never want to be in a relation with a 13,14,15 years old..... 17 maybe, but i dont think so. 18-20, yes. 21+ too, but as i said, in my head its just not the same.... I dont know how BIG part of it is ocd, and how big  the true myself.... but accepting the fact that that i might be one of ""them"".... i will never accept it. Suiciding tommorow, thats my way to fight it. Its too much for me. 

  
Mom - thanks for believing in me, you gave me everything, i fucking love you, and i feel ashamed that u had to born such a dirty pervert. If i have ocd and im a normal hetero sexual guy (which isnt really possible at this point), then im sorry, disease won. If im however a peeedophile, i want you to know that i never harmed anyone, never acted on it. I killed myself just to win with it. Win with my perverted mind. Love you, and always will. Your son. 

Grandpa/Grandma - I couldnt ask for a better grandparents, you are fucking wonderfull. Please stay healthy, be in a good shape. I love you, i love you so much. Goodbye

Uncle, i know you wont read it, but i love you so much and i miss you so much, the last 6 years are a fucking nightmare, but it was nightmare worth living just because i know, you would like me to live a happy life. Sorry for the fact that i am a weak human being. I love you so much. Goodbye

TLDR; always liked younger girls, 18-19, maybe 17 seems like my ideal gap, idk how much of it is ocd, how much is not.. (which is shamefull), always liked petite bodies, small breasts, skinny, small bodies, cute (childish?!!!) faces... feel the most attraction to late teenagers, or at least i think i do.... I was told it might be because i just like ""small women"" and its easier to find a girl with such a body that is 18-19 years old. Thinking im a pedophile/ephebophile/hebophile.... because i like some older girls that look very, very young... Feeling a lot of arousal, to 15 years old, 14, 8, 13... i just dont know. Testing myself, looking at photos of young people, even kids thinking it will change anything if i wont feel the arousal, but eventually feeling arousal.... I dont think its ocd anymore. Im pretty sure im a hebo/ephebophile... maybe pedo too... I was telling myself i just like cute looking girls with petite bodies, that act very funny and ""childish"", tried to blame the worst everyting on the ocd stuff..... but now i just dont know. I think i am a hidden pedophile. I started to think a kids body can be attractive.... when i look at the kids face it turns me off, when i look at the kids body, it turns me on. I dont know how much from it is ocd, i would never want to date a kid, i would never want to have a sex with children (at least i think i wouldnt like, maybe somewhere deeply inside of me... i would really like to do it). I would date a normal woman, i mean, if you consider possibly ephebophilic stuff normal.... I am killing myself, because i dont want to hurt anyone, and i dont want to be like that. I dont care if ""attraction means nothing, acting on the urges is the worst thing"" I just rathter die than be attracted to a kids. Thank you for reading. 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suicidewatch,turbulentchoice,2019/03/10,"My ex hates me He broke up with me over a year ago though we've been on speaking terms since. The past month we've been talking more. But last night on the phone he told me he's currently seeing someone, though its not serious yet. He also said that he didn't want to hang out next week after all, and said that he'd only have time to talk on the phone every few months. I was drunk and distraught and started making vague suicidal remarks. He later texted me with concern. I woke up this morning, called him, and said that i'm not interested in continuing to be friends so please don't contact me again. He just said ""okay."" and I said ""okay. bye."" I felt good at first, but felt worse over the course of the day, and called him 2 hours ago in an attempt to apologize and talk everything out more. He didn't return my call and I doubt he ever will. I feel fucking stupid now. I don't know what to do.",1.8837170111287769,3.7920156864864873,2.750333863275042,94.72670906200321,78.62162162162163,5.866454689984102,21.152623211446734,6.794906146795322,0.215988871224166,702,19,158,7,17,221,116,185,0.145,0.809,0.047,-0.9536,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,9,12,3,2,7,2,12,2,0,1,2,26,30,14,1,1,5,1,3,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,6,12,1,0,4,1,0,1,6,7,0,1,14,10,17,5,21,13,5,38,0,1,1,1,32,12,1,1,26,88,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073856990526428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354628151455356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583390859663343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544034005495716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581218642552527,0.09855797474311044,0.0,0.1051311790785005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059146970181611615,0.0,0.22463208915484295,0.0,0.0,0.09950038166392017,0.0,0.0,0.09037596310928564,0.10814313986063144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811456559829776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549034359716473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519855626920802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642873741405216,0.09535168105520647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808290298902205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673948519417588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440612304220007,0.10977477536956644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896610552866704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116675641270577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840536710447242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563584832100473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321534146177084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676439378448326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911403847322683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279676059736811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795360138728004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820644926107223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298581671886195,0.0,0.06821009587849618,0.0,0.0,0.11177631762992507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899593030562329,0.0,0.09383170977456703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920932326483134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532920529667374
suicidewatch,Amelia_Rose5390,2019/03/10,"Why does she make me feel like a horrible daughter? I finally snapped and called my mom out on the different treatment she gives to me (23) and my brother (14). 

Ever since my childhood, she has yelled at me and  hit me when I did things that she didn't approve of. Fair enough. It's discipline, I get it. 

But once my brother was born and the years went by, he was never disciplined in any way. Whatever he wanted, my parents would buy it for him. But back when I was a kid, if I wanted something, I would sometimes get it. 

Lately, I've been noticing how my mom doesn't demand him to do chores around the house like she does with me. Back then (childhood and teen years) if I didn't pick up my plate, help around the house, look after my brother, etc, I would get to yelled at.  If I were to take a nap, my mom would wake me up by shaking me and telling me to wake up and to not be lazy. (She punched me once while trying to wake me up like this)

My brother sleeps every time he comes home from school. He stays in bed all day and plays video games and my mom doesn't tell him anything. But she tells me to do the household chores (and looks angry as she tells me this).

She gets mad at me when I haven't cooked for my brother. My brother is in high school already. I feel like he's old enough to make is own food (I already knew how to cook at age 9 due to my mom working all the time). Plus, he always complains that he doesn't like the food I make, so why even try? 

When it comes to laundry, my mom always asks me to separate the clothes and to bring all the clothes to the car. But she doesn't tell my brother to do it. 

I can go on with all the different treatment between my brother and I. 

And every time I bring it up, she always tells me that I don't even do much and that my brother covers for me so I won't get in trouble. In trouble for what? I don't know. I work and contribute to half of this household. Seems like that isn't enough. 

She always tells me how ungrateful I am for what she and my brother do for me. I feel like I'm never validated or listened to when I express how I feel. I feel like I always do something wrong. Every time when I mention the way she treats me compared to my bro, she always manages to make me feel guilty in the end. 

I want out. I sit for 30 mins in the parking lot at work because I hate coming home. I always imagine driving my car off the bridge I always drive on, and land on the train tracks. I've fantasized walking down the street in the middle of the night and lay on the train tracks. Or jumping off that same bridge. 

I wish I was never born. I never felt like my mom was very supportive of me. She always acts nice when we have guests over, but once they're gone, she's back to the woman I'm scared of. No matter what achievement I accomplished throughout school, it seemed like she never cared. 

 If I'm so ungrateful and useless, then why the fuck am I here? I wish someone would take me out already.",2.8954308943089413,3.870988006504064,3.6505691056910585,93.23162601626018,73.8130081300813,6.442276422764228,24.88617886178861,6.42735559955562,0.5669934959349585,2284,69,521,15,45,725,234,615,0.07200000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.8649,3,0,2,0,1,0,75.0,1,0,0,6,23,25,3,2,25,0,38,9,4,9,10,89,86,49,0,14,12,20,7,10,1,6,0,3,5,2,21,31,4,2,12,6,1,16,18,10,0,1,14,12,104,15,74,64,12,95,0,1,2,1,68,36,1,9,49,336,125,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472683978842995,0.0,0.3726221243786434,0.0,0.0,0.03383699608806276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094641260182818,0.0885899454082419,0.0465168066975781,0.0,0.0,0.11478198240280688,0.0,0.03033188033403488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050808255764035866,0.0,0.05073137202423655,0.0,0.0,0.12858576264520352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03208965119254289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397257761388427,0.0,0.0,0.0870867356895568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407062343444079,0.1542392608601272,0.05549307662570234,0.06572908770184116,0.04500875992661055,0.12576922490457595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095416914936888,0.14218786946360462,0.04777527104450962,0.054507214916363685,0.0,0.0,0.12033460810915055,0.0,0.0,0.04600026503679597,0.12998192964296645,0.0477321957373901,0.028278492558673086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912550552449985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333515905143998,0.05257182556223885,0.09982221897494058,0.0,0.0,0.11482759306056756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027345574141778857,0.0,0.05612894217603432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24309137529545766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356800533599618,0.0,0.0,0.04230228447719856,0.0,0.0,0.13285481582896108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079299669511,0.0,0.0,0.03657769287773667,0.0,0.19188133374628247,0.0,0.0,0.04669430504664944,0.0,0.0,0.05664956135312744,0.05221241905717576,0.15897123262536636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525012530846432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498162172425973,0.15107258681857486,0.0,0.09059522673096006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116014909450154,0.0,0.04979371362172063,0.0,0.04215960480259173,0.07661193866761819,0.04921171588117646,0.0,0.0,0.05303517208932936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056464538121577465,0.0,0.0,0.0748233149755955,0.0,0.304433444971958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03305685750319028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605664465225443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756453171111701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105537885386272,0.08804528196451174,0.07899081810850862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046125959772696616,0.13469596906270526,0.0,0.11443798079943487,0.0,0.0,0.10867276749761552,0.0,0.0,0.17673249343402475,0.05440232039206568,0.0,0.06408475679777574
suicidewatch,srnf,2019/03/10,Does anyone else feel like their already mourning theirself? I’m so attached to the idea that my life will end by suicide that I feel like I’m already gone. I have a feeling that it’s going to happen very soon. I’m not sure if that makes sense. ,2.8614705882352967,4.245117058823531,3.4962254901960783,92.70551470588238,74.49019607843138,5.1000000000000005,26.47549019607843,3.1291,0.4081725490196075,194,7,41,0,4,61,38,51,0.174,0.706,0.121,-0.5943,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,12,2,2,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,3,3,10,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929635852652006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617754127346065,0.2288573026963413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546263457903496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865874672409747,0.0,0.19782944201155406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388104901279839,0.31913488719578753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693985171624034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197515291053501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25214469600383616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776479963638346,0.218243480054513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909361404365534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24431807899628125,0.0,0.2105128571184634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429425447803804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DanceAndVolleyball,2019/03/10,"I have everything in the world the world but I just want to die. I'm 13, I have amazing friends, a great family, i do dance and volleyball, and i almost get what ever i want always but i just want to die ive told my biy bestfriend and he understands but he is not suicidal. I just dont kniw what to do like i look up how to overdose, how to cut your wrist, how to hang yoursself, and how to stab yourself in the stomach someone please help",1.0066666666666677,2.8953645053763424,2.7776344086021503,93.55311827956993,81.36559139784947,6.2838709677419375,23.23655913978495,7.3871296695380915,0.8240236559139782,341,12,78,5,9,113,55,93,0.156,0.557,0.287,0.9251,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,0,0,8,5,1,0,4,0,7,2,2,4,1,21,15,11,3,3,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,12,4,10,14,0,8,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,2,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153703015997229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178962750875603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464355750727077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520706949745541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455104425315065,0.0,0.0,0.1932989135205436,0.0,0.2027571054272886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616930990903542,0.0,0.11236977062826196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371250828606125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416275348754287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050766139519973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061198232056325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23609188224710906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223552821758546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352612454839285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055169640878708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390456550616056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805770604586571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tarrarep,2019/03/10,"My father's the reason. This my not seem like a very good reason, but it's the damn music. Ever since he introduced me to a certain band, it's gone downhill. Curiosity has taken me over, and I heard songs that made me feel like shit. These songs are so depressing, and the words are drenched in meaning and loss, that the emotion I have now is almost unbearable. I have a broken gun in my closet (a small screw is missing, it still works fine) and nothing is stopping me from putting the barrel in my mouth, pulling the trigger, and letting the bullet RIP through my brain stem.",6.995654761904768,6.448559160714287,6.5453571428571475,81.38297619047621,64.53571428571429,8.895238095238097,33.84523809523809,7.793537801064563,2.336513095238096,454,17,88,4,6,141,76,112,0.246,0.7040000000000001,0.05,-0.9777,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,3,0,11,0,9,4,3,4,2,19,17,7,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,7,5,0,1,5,3,0,3,1,6,0,0,4,4,12,5,7,12,0,12,0,3,0,1,4,5,3,2,6,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397603687677968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385446639879754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840477610222767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403684096295748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932915592833144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080462513770484,0.1526575884594817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922999243804602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850879536359946,0.0,0.20879273748399335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219521403403976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327671058635072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503783924454635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481382669205512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394103642850801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453204961662884,0.0,0.0,0.21934599241008315,0.17676357695218636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065021450456744,0.17865137711396153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763136378022834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556622544513524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blitz342,2019/03/10,"I feel buried, lost, drained, and empty, all at once. So today was kind of the culmination of a lot of different things I’ve been feeling. 

I’ve been falling behind on school work and been too embarrassed at how much trouble I have with understanding it to seek the help that I need, and it’s getting overwhelming. 

I’ve had general anxiety for years, but lately (especially in the past few days) it’s escalated to something new. It’s actually crippling now. Most of the hours that I’m awake, I’m having an anxiety attack. They’ve never lasted for so long before and I can’t function with them.. 

My major requires a lot of individual work (I know, they all do. I’m just providing some context) and I’ve got a major deadline later this month. If I don’t meet that deadline I have to delay my junior project, which would push back my graduation. The problem is, I’m burnt out. I’ve been doing this for so long and I just can’t make the progress that I know I should be making. I’m ashamed. Looking back, I’ve wasted so much time here. I could be so much better than I am now. But that doesn’t matter now. Right now, I’m leaning towards changing my major or dropping out of I don’t meet this deadline, because I doubt I’ll have the energy to continue doing this. I’m not even entirely sure that I want to. 

Imposter syndrome is real. I feel like I haven’t improved at what I do since I came to college right after high school. I don’t believe that I am good enough to get into grad school. If I don’t get into grad school, that’s it. There aren’t any other options that lead to success in my field. Game over.

And finally, I was dumped today. I thought this person was special. I really did. I had never “clicked” with someone so quickly before, I was so excited. I was so happy when I was with them. The thought of them just made me warm and fuzzy inside. But they decided they didn’t want to be dating anyone right now. I’m at a loss. I want to call them so badly. I was looking forward to all the things we could enjoy together. Now I feel sick because everything reminds me of them.

All of these things intersected today, and I feel broken. 

If you’ve read this far, thank you. 

I called the hotline today just to talk to someone. **I don’t want to kill myself but I don’t want to exist anymore.** 

TL;DR: all the oof’s collided into one big oof. ",1.673727192982458,3.87460177052632,3.497585526315792,87.61220285087721,80.76842105263158,6.063596491228071,23.7905701754386,7.251919499444523,1.0461096491228077,1831,66,371,25,48,613,219,475,0.133,0.737,0.13,-0.4303,2,0,1,0,0,1,69.0,1,1,8,9,29,24,3,4,16,0,45,1,0,5,8,79,81,28,1,14,13,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,27,20,0,2,11,2,0,5,15,12,0,1,21,9,54,12,48,53,17,60,0,3,3,0,18,22,0,10,35,253,81,16,0.0,0.0,0.08168359095177433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692198154861337,0.0,0.12806754197295198,0.0,0.08301244659620803,0.05852818527028208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522603837590822,0.0,0.12872730324409248,0.06988982402374788,0.10205106435661328,0.0,0.14245285687506873,0.09430639246997344,0.0,0.07402989466283179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709434602049663,0.09573573497715612,0.0,0.0,0.088548341825005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366258452973825,0.0,0.0,0.053982526354571056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874534655661588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648920191676683,0.0,0.05528608254163731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522827496745044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116177415356224,0.05979856531132258,0.0,0.09169427078162336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119655742845873,0.0,0.0,0.0702074264156153,0.0669461954169717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910507687523847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561054123993979,0.08843847949275828,0.0,0.0,0.08243214565683057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260671069252392,0.0871654343562586,0.09200369102999127,0.06823040076125833,0.09442240684049834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408938274047225,0.0,0.0,0.1481518302025268,0.14058152341330776,0.0,0.0913734318235912,0.1423252732132907,0.0,0.07920329303027444,0.11174690796397926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681219340733363,0.0,0.1845974820275404,0.06206588195986324,0.12911625737229604,0.08084240041019873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891426408608198,0.05672038650716305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990548848332693,0.0,0.07308760650624949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009397400161655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372722693569354,0.09527413194237833,0.0536232943081872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21444974982795745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388539958652711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924128965815443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418452300212653,0.06443987149290906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889057160678678,0.0,0.0,0.06727856694422246,0.0,0.07706392686161757,0.0,0.0,0.16682880134701705,0.0,0.0,0.13290416577512,0.0488088109852944,0.0,0.31736860021896496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871394148760945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468556360806539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187585545393245,0.0,0.0,0.05946132868361215,0.0,0.0,0.053903002123720914
suicidewatch,Augusttends,2019/03/10,"Chronic intractable pain and suicide The doctor's aren't helping anymore.  I don't know what more I can do, me crying in a wheelchair and pleading for any quality of life is meaningless to seemingly everyone. Honestly the only reason I'm still here is, the fear of the end of my life being more painful then the pain I dealt with every day. I honestly am too much of a coward if it's anything but falling asleep and never waking back up. But the thought of waking up again for an indefinite amount of days, months, years, knowing each night I will get less then 5 hours sleep and will wake up gasping in pain with my heart racing and sit doing that awful pain-moan that sounds like demons you hear in the ER/A&E sometimes... I cannot do that. That thought, that I'm stuck here and everyone around me is healthy and fine and has an almost perfect life and I will wake every morning into a new hell makes me so angry I want to hurt others and that's terrifying, I never want anyone to suffer even a fraction like I have, ever. I don't know what else to do. I don't think turning up at the hospital and saying ""I'm in so much pain I want to kill myself"" will earn me anything but a psych ward stay or at least a 72 hour hold, and I doubt the psych ward would clear me to be able to go with my physical issues - Id probably get thrown into a top floor for an embarrassing 3 days and never be able to return to that hospital bc the nurses will think I'm crazy and never take me seriously again. My sort of only options are live in a waking hell of constant physical pain or make an attempt which will probably be agony, and might even fail and leave me more mangled. 

I've never had less of an idea on how to carry on living.",6.556153846153848,5.4474765384615385,7.008732193732198,79.54506410256413,65.66666666666667,9.737321937321935,31.75071225071225,8.680891452615391,2.3308985754985763,1359,43,277,17,18,446,180,351,0.245,0.6709999999999999,0.084,-0.997,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,1,0,5,14,22,3,3,23,1,30,19,8,4,8,61,54,27,2,5,6,0,0,2,0,8,11,3,0,0,12,23,0,1,10,0,0,2,10,16,0,0,4,3,27,6,41,38,10,46,3,3,0,0,4,18,2,10,26,184,39,5,0.1586139799929774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941449461051334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592909052708507,0.0,0.05393147275017944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865122365259926,0.055453291384909,0.0,0.13052579074725607,0.07060003515515996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098217997895732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570268186184356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871150045417863,0.15343934293244818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117406478631119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625081369138053,0.0,0.0702424535751406,0.0,0.0,0.10476303786128884,0.07173771286268864,0.13363911910894574,0.15156245513607322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924241240171679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286925799572925,0.0,0.0450719900453062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938474158251024,0.09397916499410816,0.053157803675044704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620281993989993,0.0,0.08489977305742265,0.08952793842603568,0.0,0.08277589295346678,0.0,0.0,0.0877414341229881,0.0,0.1307551429353071,0.0,0.0,0.08397465138091316,0.0,0.0,0.16805061726256304,0.0774907787229715,0.0,0.14005905027662288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587606330305216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841321836065681,0.0,0.0,0.06330208278237827,0.0,0.11659952565328492,0.0,0.30583219903070863,0.07659518513174346,0.0,0.07442423770886566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063307920433587,0.5907176024036714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101269750901546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154079427692218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306810159470616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721981051305673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936426455619845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843664098101065,0.0,0.0,0.08453069920547132,0.06333466465621118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674897501081523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962898660067571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163343382769363,0.0,0.12592178276093094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626323154071336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033195241956206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633741026480148,0.0,0.0,0.051071101375934715
suicidewatch,Shuragon,2019/03/10,"This had to get out I have a severe problem with relasionships. I either don't care about a person in the slightest or care about them insanely (leading most of the times to falling in love with the opposite gender).

Then I started falling in love with my best friend (which i met at a mental hospital) about 4 months ago, she had a boyfriend back then and broke up with him 3 months ago. Last week she told me that she was still in love with him and that he will be coming over to her place this weekend.
Due to me being absolutely unstable currently it devastated me. I now struggle extremely with the thought of just ending it, because i don't really see any reason staying anymore.

She knew i fell for her and knew my mental state was pretty bad. I'm even thinking about just canceling my therapy and therefor throwing my only chance for bettering away. I feel like i don't belong here anymore.",7.647296082209376,6.9610916358381525,7.594527938342968,74.85045600513808,63.27745664739884,10.694669235709696,35.985228002569045,9.994966539143718,3.4721347463070007,715,29,132,13,9,230,109,173,0.152,0.7040000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.3718,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,11,13,0,1,8,0,11,3,0,3,0,26,28,7,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,12,0,0,6,1,0,6,3,4,0,0,9,2,25,9,27,16,3,35,0,1,1,3,17,10,0,2,18,95,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508674960332245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622679746251464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28066562927571553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294659540513495,0.10880696525459184,0.11814897791779005,0.08625883036319815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849852203527347,0.12514778098172408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28854319385011223,0.0,0.0,0.12189218477925255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532953410627287,0.0,0.0,0.09346130479815656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154809794115173,0.1010896717966025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093247589895888,0.0,0.07392940428274675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534371742193412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913115004228311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831355686563317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852032030606731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22589246642944605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761930175396972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235548397465822,0.14784037184725798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395928029920005,0.0,0.13539912709537807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065035580779847,0.14548850783593434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112759459361084,0.0,0.0,0.1598579551482995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015645295508817,0.15082322171115886,0.11300436716164478,0.0,0.0,0.1479295133328592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182085304918153,0.0,0.0,0.09066931935698733,0.0,0.11233746519387007,0.08251145587855058,0.0,0.0,0.1352120471552657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135050593516897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snonner,2019/03/10,"Tomorrow Morning? I turn 26 in two months and I still love with my parents. I’ve been on my own before but I’m stuck with them for a while. I’m stuck in a small town that I hate. I can’t move because I don’t have the money I am paying off bills and parents back. 

I can’t move because The job I have pays to much for me to rationally leave and now supplies my health insurance. I need insurance because I have to take medicine every week and is expensive without it. 

I haven’t been happy for a while and I don’t see any way out. I only went to one semester of college. The only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I know it will hurt my parents so much. I don’t care anymore. 

I plan on my way to driving to work tomorrow pulling over under a bridge and shooting myself. That way it’s not in my parents home. ",1.4669904761904746,2.9650036228571466,3.4571428571428555,91.0561904761905,78.4857142857143,6.266666666666668,25.380952380952376,7.03164865440522,0.9563523809523806,634,24,143,7,15,215,95,175,0.098,0.8270000000000001,0.076,-0.3827,5,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,1,0,7,0,17,2,0,1,0,15,30,10,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,5,5,9,2,0,2,6,1,26,3,22,23,3,29,0,1,1,1,6,11,0,0,10,98,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490606899537262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382317562421577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600622635999416,0.0,0.3044431861147988,0.0,0.10624289391693854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729857467576264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777059691076353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519620259681504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329110758125264,0.0,0.1232690263237414,0.0,0.13271563226816102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524031668620175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366046987621014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389988757111127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861735594842165,0.0,0.0,0.13220402077720853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268702649968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965852468313163,0.265403422921412,0.18356641984920746,0.0925788230236193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846053654352921,0.1899165741957884,0.0,0.0,0.5545493387456344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837232049797506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949372408577427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970981938521536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938758500791039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358070068452793,0.12196574954465048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973136194566648,0.10015160698237567,0.0,0.0,0.11574236414916292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035631387873355,0.0,0.09089634189213963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elacmch,2019/03/10,"I'm going to kill myself on my birthday July 26, 2019. If things don't turn around for me, and I suspect they won't, I'm going to hang myself with my Calvin Klein belt by tightening it to the point where I can no longer breathe. I think this is a reasonable timeframe to give myself opportunities to self-improve and if I can't, then I think it's reasonable to end it after 11 years of suffering. ",10.272520325203251,5.632261536585367,10.179756097560977,70.76239837398374,61.6829268292683,13.372357723577235,39.52845528455285,10.504223727775694,3.8247674796747972,314,10,66,5,3,105,58,82,0.155,0.812,0.033,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,2,0,11,13,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,12,1,13,12,0,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305824396998511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22941456445826824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24847528903284066,0.29441371817828405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28656691031921794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485732986389375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326307625234149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702140270426097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720811727960903,0.3319387175312218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817390436327151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680018823702758
suicidewatch,wolfi800,2019/03/10,These Voices just won’t let me alone. I’m so tired of the voices in my head telling to fucking kill myself and that I have no chance. They want me to get hurt as well to hurt others so badly and everytime I see myself in a mirror I start to act a little bit crazy in a psychotic way. Recently been to a psychology but can’t afford the treatment and therapy for depression. I just think it’s time to say goodbye. May 8th will be the day,1.880108695652172,3.5480074456521784,3.9015217391304375,87.57336956521742,77.80434782608695,7.208695652173913,22.369565217391305,8.07648339933343,1.0893217391304342,343,10,74,6,8,117,67,92,0.229,0.726,0.045,-0.9451,1,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,7,0,8,3,1,0,0,9,15,7,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,4,10,1,12,9,1,10,0,3,1,1,3,4,1,1,4,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167528009926085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474153894700473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848149287025665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496943028844588,0.0,0.18025408462504747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347762703561736,0.10934108872944608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147834771337329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480809334366138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315392744118672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400479240831471,0.0,0.0,0.2097553170775748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664050312983864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642926603300526,0.0,0.0,0.1667704774670014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813071626419996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292149427628984,0.0,0.2393319467833785,0.0,0.0,0.13409930986234772,0.0,0.0,0.1220338849736661,0.2405386117428677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234398121586858,0.1661181303304597,0.0,0.0,0.18816944787021347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stmdog14,2019/03/10,"I'm done There's really not much left for me to say. I'm tired of feeling hurt and alone and unwanted. All I want is the pain to go away.
This is my last sad little cry for help. One more text post set out onto the internet. 

I know I'll be missed and the pain is going to be bad for some people for a long time. I know my dog will be sad, I know there will be many nights of hurt ahead for my friends and family. But I'm tired of being selfless. I want to be selfish. They'll recover and move on in time, they'll be happy again. But I don't deserve happiness, I deserve some rest. I'm tired of the pain I'm tired of the endless grey that I feel. I want it all to stop and I want it to stop soon. 

I don't know how I'm going to do it, or when. It could be tomorrow or next week. But it'll be soon and that's the last bit of comfort that I have to give to myself.",-0.5139113010953764,0.984899746192898,1.9907400480897657,99.25724552497995,84.53299492385788,5.568688218006948,16.967405824205187,6.5966054737557815,-0.5027705583756346,658,13,175,7,19,226,95,197,0.264,0.645,0.091,-0.9904,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,1,7,14,0,0,7,0,23,7,0,1,2,33,44,14,0,6,6,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,0,0,9,8,0,2,6,0,0,4,3,10,0,1,1,4,19,4,26,28,8,29,0,5,1,0,6,7,0,4,16,109,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114097664996634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350359766565424,0.0,0.0919831323077182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202715937789904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795774899370802,0.0,0.12101102548358833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127369931012672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385371116526404,0.0,0.11140541840092524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511316769617676,0.0,0.0,0.10568025912666956,0.18782784084063425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345452772271822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738412443299233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358677165900765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421751035439592,0.1795982768106248,0.0,0.0,0.11969454136009733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041422205194938,0.0,0.09749251475092527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168996901754874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708790826046213,0.08098391456454516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716167494799347,0.10338234352802234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465062173944663,0.0,0.3516698245074414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637450580951925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550757044157236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057448840405868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760759055712071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420566342304573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847613744505146,0.5064736200078731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25991256898054016,0.0,0.08836767846782882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TotallyNotTransSara,2019/03/10,"If im still at the same job in April Im killing myself Not much else too it. If I can't find another job and leave this one, I'm offing myself",-0.3865686274509805,0.7845377941176501,2.3652941176470605,98.29049019607844,82.82352941176471,5.7098039215686285,17.215686274509807,6.42735559955562,-0.5333019607843132,111,2,30,1,3,39,27,34,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.6808,2,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,19,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687682394376301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411798490405126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234266929507798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537275713036001,0.0,0.5087054432042448,0.0,0.28357416339854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140018567108803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18842074596962846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368542766641082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469319567808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ifeellikeim21savage,2019/03/10,"Should I tell someone I'm suicidal? I'm a second year college student and for the past 3 months I've wanted nothing more than to kill myself. I've been depressed for years but recently I've really gone over the deep end with my mental health and have fantasized a lot about my death. I want to reach out and tell someone I'm suicidal, but my anxiety makes me feel like that'll only make things worse. I talk with my parents every so often, and recently I told my mom I wasn't doing well mentally (although I didn't tell her of my suicidal intentions). She told me that I should try to get help for my depression through therapy, but after weeks of deliberating on going into the hospital to set myself up with a therapist I've realized that my fear of people finding out im suicidal is way larger than my fear that I will one day kill myself. I'm basically avoiding going to the hospital for a psychiatric assessment because I'm scared that if I do ill be committed to a fucking mental hospital because of my suicidal thoughts. 

I guess I'm just trying to figure out how any of you got over your fear of getting help especially when things are dire. I know I'm scared of getting help but I don't know how to stop the irrationality of such a fear. And I guess finally, should I tell someone I'm suicidal so they'll push me to get help because I know I won't do it myself? Or should I keep trying to find a way myself to convince myself to get help on my own? Thanks for any advice you may have❤️",5.019364969801553,5.3549465672131165,6.494132873166523,77.09436583261436,68.57377049180327,10.093183779119931,31.46246764452114,10.064110947511567,3.064540983606558,1193,47,235,28,19,409,149,305,0.29600000000000004,0.614,0.09,-0.998,1,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,3,1,0,11,16,3,7,12,0,20,3,0,5,1,48,53,17,9,7,7,2,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,0,8,12,0,3,9,0,0,4,4,12,1,2,8,1,43,4,42,35,3,30,0,2,0,1,20,10,1,7,14,149,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179852413684913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993048867246374,0.0,0.056207864274316136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436829393393415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738503554887091,0.0,0.12656712248889512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507668299576794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190551545002128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33071738733793155,0.03715096303412687,0.05249026554327913,0.0,0.08048782771069966,0.1343088979482773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792607937516608,0.19193721738783187,0.0,0.08351461143165025,0.0,0.058764345871082924,0.0,0.16188110058258326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810005894722981,0.0,0.0,0.2462423621643279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936517119767764,0.0,0.0,0.06530759623153685,0.16257750700315918,0.0,0.12113914810456952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03589597590476765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062465473423915424,0.0,0.0,0.0980897257673675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213533187499612,0.0,0.0,0.08605255796574396,0.05864672095763196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050085578433588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978828729382048,0.05588074059646924,0.0,0.0,0.08158484291750548,0.0,0.07013981501093136,0.050938033047333235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706970715582042,0.0,0.1450945975798817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471217752282269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676435841983213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614280516220345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822156909095682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905609651148022,0.25688013916664176,0.06764553570331606,0.0840246030680749,0.0853096681647994,0.09762651258026993,0.0,0.0,0.05833062145408306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041624893412322,0.0,0.14965328157188335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667443990516717,0.11664142753212242,0.058936888407981634,0.0,0.06606248509374328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487688969251541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463046079195214
suicidewatch,kotybolonga,2019/03/10,"Unsatisfaction I wish life was more exciting. I wish I was born in a different world where we got to discover new land and new people, finding something that no ones ever found before but I’m stuck in this limbo of boredom and petty problems. I’d rather worry about life or death rather then paying off student debt. This life, this time I was born in is the most unsatisfying and uninteresting it can get. ",6.2110389610389625,7.171858675324677,6.8134025974026,73.64296103896106,66.14285714285714,9.276883116883116,29.685714285714287,9.3871,2.554944935064936,326,11,59,6,5,107,58,77,0.28,0.654,0.066,-0.9652,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,1,15,12,6,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,5,1,7,6,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,7,38,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776199568469067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182603130552381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896571109915905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909345553704142,0.0,0.0,0.2290525541110379,0.0,0.0,0.10914376581391723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707968603613085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442665414388884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035217474216302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415588191448188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482779383807434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989300282452788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082457606716208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181365594305985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480458791883574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215224575987252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,armdrag2youback,2019/03/10,I don't know if I can live anymore My ex-girlfriend cheated on me for 7 months harassed my family to the point that they want nothing to do with me and now my grandmother has just passed away and I can't go visit because my family is still mad at me for what she did. I don't see the point in living anymore I just want the anger to stop and it won't stop because I know she's out there living a happy life after she went out of her way to destroy everything I loved and held dear. I can't keep living like this I've lost 30 lb my work is going terribly because I'm angry all the time and I feel like I'm dying. I need it to stop,0.9801063829787218,2.323159723404256,3.2194503546099327,92.90875,79.42553191489361,6.118439716312058,20.96985815602837,6.816661863887847,0.2581815602836879,495,13,117,5,12,170,85,141,0.246,0.669,0.085,-0.9733,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,2,5,12,5,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,1,23,27,6,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,5,3,0,0,5,5,7,0,0,4,2,23,5,16,22,1,22,0,1,1,1,7,8,0,1,10,72,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757942096290281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063908572363933,0.0,0.0,0.2542849939082409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430866990795482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496633629727845,0.0,0.26216197661966073,0.0,0.07030626148653102,0.09933509210496742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804704992077825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801794946652466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359122248038193,0.0,0.0,0.15283301655952414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982128970010568,0.1358625274912271,0.0,0.4911236377332187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178605404475795,0.0,0.12549520415808652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098586314403996,0.0,0.0,0.1031014718992209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334191955466821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628884202537932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080233106183712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104298807944896,0.3487481594471446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810793320795631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402686063813685,0.11036891152327018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889781610023102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122775742076004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LikesToLickToads,2019/03/10,"I don’t want to kill myself I just want to die I hate my life and I have for a while I feel like I don’t have control over anything I feel like I’m hard wired to be a shit person. I’m lazy, fat, dumb, and I think I’m just an unpleasant person to be around and It sucks because like I said I feel like I can’t change it I genuinely think that the world is better off without me. I don’t wanna kill myself I just want a new life ",-1.2300000000000004,0.5112237777777793,1.3886868686868716,101.13636363636364,89.0,4.4080808080808085,15.06060606060606,5.565023196281405,-1.0668666666666664,330,6,87,2,11,113,52,99,0.312,0.532,0.157,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,6,0,5,0,9,4,2,1,0,18,23,4,3,4,4,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,4,1,1,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,5,18,5,10,20,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,6,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509817401759686,0.14614637889471305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000766950574178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519529492442512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736704160516039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413095840348725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038285897906366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24902831916846174,0.3518498992594483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470643482729406,0.1620841893669331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632602405344983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319166851212719,0.3208212767374535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855670500974708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866943585514295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616355608579352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851846041254542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103874069737948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29049570080625103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825431701710055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,j_harb,2019/03/10,"I’m contemplating it right now Long story short. Marriage has ended. Fucked things up with my best friend... to the point that she no longer wants to talk to me. Work is kicking my ass. I just feel so empty. Not one thing has set me off on feeling this way, it’s just everything is so overwhelming all together.

I have enough pills (Ativan, morphine to slow my breathing... tiazac to crash my blood pressure... and enough insulin to put me in a diabetic coma for a month) to do this with nobody finding me.",2.993115693012601,5.215856536082477,3.5762199312714777,88.61926689576175,76.42268041237114,6.372966781214204,24.179839633447884,7.3871296695380915,1.0332300114547541,392,13,78,5,9,123,74,97,0.145,0.8009999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.8579,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,2,3,0,6,8,3,0,1,11,11,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,11,2,14,11,4,15,0,1,0,2,4,7,2,0,5,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24264165670171625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047842993479548,0.4778054934813801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779751834897786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381443505779784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132264504263834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863302796676095,0.21375082336635925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046144396389817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455039666272954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667454239889214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185691080895163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243089367039302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745291179453348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583862590407624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30721259990825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637422522372844,0.18352451225628927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832434560638052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xoroshego,2019/03/10,"I feel like I am going to do something really bad in near future Just a bit of background info, I've probably seen about 16 different people (ranging from counselor to psych registrar at the hospital) and they all sort of look blankly at me and just say things like ""in time things will get better"" etc. 
one time I was sectioned and I laid it on a plate to them about exactly how bad I felt and they just sent me home and said ""try this app called headspace....""
I haven't seen anyone recently (mental health services discharged me and told me that they couldn't help me) and I haven't been on medication for about six months (I've taken a wide range of anti-depressants to no effect) and things have become even worse. 


Lately I have had strong feelings of hurting others. These are new as for years I have felt suicidal though homicidal. All these thoughts of hurting myself and others continually rampage around my brain and nothing slows them down or makes them go away. I feel like very soon I am going to cause serious damage to myself, someone else or something else. 

I've also developed this concept that everyone I have ever met is in a conspiracy against me to hurt me, use me and mistreat me. I imagine all these people sitting round a huge circular table discussing me and laughing at me. I used to think about this in a joking sort of way though now I genuinely believe it's true. I call it the ""I hate (insert my name here) league"".

Therefore if you combine those points of feeling like I am going to do something rather bad, that everyone I have met is in a conspiracy against me and that in the past people time after time after time have shown no interest in taking my issues seriously >>>> it's all too much to handle and I have no bloody idea what to do. I'm scared. ",6.649347826086956,6.770332449275365,6.563007246376812,78.73320652173916,65.08695652173913,9.45072463768116,32.32246376811594,9.120678840339163,2.6673159420289845,1425,52,267,22,20,451,188,345,0.161,0.755,0.084,-0.9822,1,0,3,0,0,1,43.0,0,1,6,3,19,21,1,1,10,0,23,3,1,7,7,51,51,22,1,3,7,0,7,4,0,1,2,4,1,0,21,15,0,0,12,1,0,5,6,11,0,2,14,14,44,10,46,35,8,46,0,4,4,0,18,20,0,5,23,187,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729627680807496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379553202401929,0.0,0.0,0.08122091026798095,0.0,0.0,0.08572083702563937,0.0,0.2285390441923021,0.0,0.10076488852942796,0.0,0.10279366177346247,0.0,0.08069234495974488,0.09960795490844906,0.0,0.0,0.10185146456446914,0.18632781692173653,0.0,0.0,0.09372626635083316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858291062371124,0.0,0.0,0.09532399368565736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524348077782809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175417032576783,0.060261650570233014,0.08252973708080039,0.0,0.17436309403455286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845301212691623,0.1955407264393302,0.17520502962963014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047667940623917375,0.0,0.2074099850530507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007835500265238,0.0,0.0969814250536544,0.0,0.0,0.06115471745651387,0.0,0.09151886766328343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29301558423225044,0.1029962752482696,0.0,0.09522847062540232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292011706087464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829655669213734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661670217078191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090188353423056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191239961970224,0.09194615783222236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282507401227649,0.0,0.06707021880060945,0.0,0.0,0.08811795411818628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754504866746432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182503723842235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709672315812123,0.1897582319764334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624913173449075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836968868739963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058449216791424376,0.0,0.09008623700521902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678796061796841,0.07255589333826486,0.09134486971192586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730542022179122,0.2107177524708048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997992522200293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859940734335668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818428521184027,0.0584614440418063,0.17928118437759852,0.07243255471426112,0.2660072279609607,0.0,0.0,0.08718154701727641,0.0,0.06194441978848143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760018436436687,0.0,0.07528067043141712,0.0,0.07242025175679477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297902669794336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058754097402720376
suicidewatch,xlaw180,2019/03/10,"Every since my dad passed I want to join him. Last year, in December, my dad suddenly passed away from a fatal work accident. 

My family is shattered from the loss. My mom had to sell her business, and I am just here trying my best to juggle school, work, picking up the slack from everything else my dad left for us, and caring for my mom whenever she becomes really sad. School is easy enough, work is grudgingly mundane, but the hardest part is seeing my mom be broken, deteriorate ; ie she is losing a lot of weight, and not be able to help her whatsoever. Sure I know the errands I do have a direct effect on her but she still cries every night and it drives me to insanity. I obviously can't expect her to suddenly be ok and not cry anymore for an extremely long time, but that and the simple fact that I miss the person in my life that made me who I am is crippling. I turned 21 a month after my dad died, and I had to start school because I registered shortly prior before his loss, and all of those experiences distracted me from as well as amplified the reality that I will never be in contact with this person again. 

Ive been thinking that I want to join my dad. However I saw a post here that talked about contemplating taking your own life but stopping yourself because you don't want to make life much harder for those you leave behind. And I think that is a big reason why I'm even here. The sheer thought of how my mom would be if I committed suicide is unbearable, and my brother, my friends. 

However at the same time I feel like this traps me because I feel a sense of true isolation and loneliness because before my father passed I was hardly relatable as is, and now with my Father's sudden passing I feel that absolutely no one whatsoever will relate to me at all. Everyone insists either indirectly or directly, for me to simply ""get over it"" or ""accept it"" and move on. And this pushes me further away from society and reality because this is undisputable truth that they do not understand what I am going through. And I've tried reconciling and accommodating that ideal because I feel that it is more or less the true, objective way to react to a situation like this, but it just feels impossible for me. I just feel so alone. None of my closest friends have gone through something like this. 

I've constantly been thinking of tasting an end of a pistol while I just blow my brains out and just become truly selfish with my decisions. I just feel that I should be with my dad again.",8.867376033057852,6.9447009028925635,8.959008264462812,70.0153305785124,61.66528925619835,12.271074380165286,37.70247933884298,11.022393298168332,4.005838016528925,1983,76,372,42,22,655,244,484,0.125,0.743,0.132,-0.0334,2,2,1,1,0,1,44.0,1,3,1,9,19,23,0,1,21,1,36,6,1,7,10,86,65,33,3,8,19,13,9,3,2,4,3,0,0,2,27,23,2,1,18,0,1,9,8,8,1,1,9,12,68,15,55,46,13,50,0,5,2,0,35,17,0,6,25,270,95,6,0.08084767159650412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373380539195949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801791658063189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191809761504307,0.0,0.0,0.2957039412256277,0.1785798027987512,0.13759082763248773,0.0,0.08484464343557366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902527394320244,0.0,0.0,0.08242958940749331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873676113342944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761474186913748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390711891596886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675378554722485,0.0,0.07160704017422788,0.08353725670407372,0.0,0.05339912459694037,0.0,0.13623530050307686,0.07725341486131082,0.0726606741429795,0.07908453627326087,0.07621598952267368,0.0,0.2861530837194462,0.057757592742671164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492542104827695,0.0,0.042239571544584686,0.0,0.04594759490361637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242363364939998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419049007536074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443176596016612,0.06590164294613644,0.0,0.08560601073846802,0.0878412317466962,0.0,0.1713153041949397,0.11849426570525905,0.0,0.0,0.07154764523504968,0.0,0.09044786448299992,0.0,0.06873379925125196,0.0,0.07650002167953117,0.05396644858312507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787512633825437,0.06453184013655071,0.08592828016526348,0.05943234107575074,0.0,0.06235470843608148,0.0,0.0,0.07587006302184628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478447462797779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755014979093119,0.0,0.0,0.14118613679600325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742972102885459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051793088647667636,0.08312487156189617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24546647972055136,0.06442512687908591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687802940141413,0.090876170259123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224048745485178,0.0,0.0,0.05722439807668765,0.0,0.06456505497216307,0.06759227357377179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843423061848962,0.0,0.07619797368681304,0.0,0.06078738742369641,0.06498229597389979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541177041942086,0.0,0.064184020475073,0.09428585493534808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097805240669666,0.08793905070367153,0.0,0.08416527737823773,0.09724979441934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305815419568074,0.06417311856394978,0.0,0.09845068351500308,0.07269176618028675,0.0,0.07295244856495547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657420344012936,0.0,0.0,0.05743186626913783,0.0,0.0,0.052063249813114186
suicidewatch,throwawayiamtrash,2019/03/10,Is there a point to even posting? What's the point of even posting when I see so many cries for help that go unanswered on here and the depression subreddit? My cries for help would just be another generic depressing reddit post.,4.208953488372091,6.743924255813957,3.9699418604651164,85.7470058139535,73.88372093023256,8.020930232558143,29.3546511627907,8.841846274778883,2.5498418604651167,185,8,34,4,4,56,36,43,0.243,0.654,0.104,-0.8029,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,8,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272061715096007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247221035999761,0.0,0.0,0.3330251826464453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553818257486723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987240674651692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591665387423577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600362199468735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655137309244603,0.0,0.5554625756362752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405689372868048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733422574502646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,highitsk,2019/03/10,How do I ask for help? I just want to write a letter and end it. I can’t find the prefect way. I love my life in constant disappointment to those around me and I don’t want some one I do care about to find me. Only thing keeping me going. I’m so tired. Tired of trying to take being okay. How do I ask a friend to listen to me? To not judge me? I just want to spill my heart without repercussions and I feel like I’ll be a little less tired.  ,-1.1019727891156457,0.8557498571428575,1.321530612244899,100.13358843537416,91.24489795918369,4.082993197278912,14.289115646258502,5.46131890053228,-1.1567782312925177,338,6,85,2,12,114,60,98,0.133,0.657,0.211,0.6345,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,1,7,6,1,2,0,19,20,6,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,2,16,5,14,18,2,7,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,3,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716269165991294,0.3090887323383581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685465596413492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864349950455094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641732846444142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835866935272626,0.11809889652390325,0.0,0.0,0.3021842712522536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277196094314161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395059590209398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589546733353444,0.1108051214755952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693686476426426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676472548074032,0.08076307292647097,0.16568601190461954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920049718633954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201966170979184,0.12572719404401062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429401982340188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982591998606386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700053354167433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223596878325298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925158294690199,0.13121693839744986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593548292826035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,erolcanustundag,2019/03/10,". I feel trapped,lonely and dirty...",0.4800000000000004,-0.1838763333333322,-0.6533333333333324,105.09000000000003,145.66666666666666,1.2000000000000002,19.666666666666668,3.1291,-0.9367333333333328,26,1,5,0,2,7,6,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdyAll,2019/03/10,"I already posted this to r/depression, but when I finally found courage to write everything down, I will also post it here Hi everyone, I am Andrew 18 years old student from czech republic. I will tell you all this information, because i am not sure for how long I will stay. I am suffering from depression since I was 15 and day from day it is getting worse. When I was 15 a sad love threw me into this world and from then I found out, that nothing can throw me back to normal life. I always had a lot of friends but felt kind of lonely. Everybody enjoys my company apart from me. I dont want to put this as flex, I just want you to fully understand me. I was an overweight kid back then and my daily routine was to wake up,  take my antidepression pills (from march 15th 2015 to march 1st 2016), go to school, come home and cut myself so it hurts the worst way. I was using knife for bread, that one with a blade like a saw. Always cutting slowly and it was tearing the skin not cutting it actualy. The physical pain was a relief from the mental one and it kept me going for a long time but for 10 months now I havent touched myself with a blade. My mother never understood my illnes and always punished me somehow for it so on 11th february in 2016 I moved to my dad's house and things got better for a while. Then it was all the same for some time. Girl(i will use fake name, to keep her privacy so i will call her Jennifer) i loved torturing me in friendzone till summer 2017 (May 7th we kissed for the first time) and then she ended the thing between us on 17th june (She said we weren't in a realitonship). Nothing actually that special happened back then in 2017 apart from getting kind of fit. I had few other girls, slept with more girls, than I am happy about and tried to live normal. At september I started dating one girl that I kinda liked for a long time and jennifer blamed me for destroying her heart by moving from her to this new girl. I was with her till august and then broke up with her, because of still loving Jennifer (I am not proud of myself for doing this, I know I am a horrible person and mistakes like this hurt other people. I am really not happy about it, and this is also a part of the list that makes me wanna kill myself). My depression got really bad from october (after celebrating my 18th birthday) and it is getting worse from day to day. On the new years eve i kissed with Jennifer and since 31st of january I am in a realitionship with her. Sometimes she makes me happy and sometimes she makes me suffer and I can see, that she enjoys this. Today she wrote me she thought about break up and it broke me. Like everything in my life has gone to shit since the october and tbh she was the only thing, that kept me going now. My grandpa that i love is in coma in the hospital. I had to stop my father from killing himself 4 times in past 3 months
 I haven't told anybody about my real feelings and problems for a really long time. I always put a fake smile one my face, cheer everyone up. I always hear that I am the happiest person from people around me and i laugh at it. There is a lot of other things I can tell you, but I have a problem with already this amount of info (I just cant make myself to trust anyone). Thanks everybody who will read this for letting me say all this stuff, it has helped me a bit. Sorry for gramatical mistakes, but I am writing from my phone and english is not my maternal language.",4.1853117462614575,5.135763238784374,5.000641280752532,84.85101498432225,70.73661360347322,8.015931017848528,26.262692957067053,8.278499904357787,1.5557459961408586,2702,82,551,39,48,877,304,691,0.187,0.672,0.142,-0.9878,0,2,0,0,0,2,68.0,3,3,0,3,24,56,9,0,32,0,49,19,6,7,5,96,94,46,2,9,12,4,4,4,1,7,6,3,1,7,43,37,2,4,10,1,0,11,11,28,0,5,30,9,102,28,95,56,13,96,0,10,2,6,54,26,1,6,58,397,145,3,0.0,0.0,0.059733474553805524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350965542893165,0.09790143287972564,0.2546638479405003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280041835558979,0.0,0.0,0.05449110350521985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120331274216547,0.05110894337832493,0.0746277751125499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054136489073722704,0.06682697057877356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250366022914801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272818165619613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790509828367735,0.0,0.15816380913768854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173927850480663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421511193034921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698018863835355,0.1100256782576544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030950311639983838,0.0,0.05877252158762721,0.06705407201915965,0.0,0.05206636639780204,0.0,0.1342302318838305,0.04729175838436594,0.0,0.09594125494955964,0.0,0.10436350928214157,0.0,0.09791266064134528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412901893437909,0.19548194858197496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898967110505624,0.07253577701163225,0.04102869603111396,0.0,0.0614000024632384,0.0,0.0,0.07062971119221989,0.1310560911499368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440748477953431,0.13544263987927302,0.12748446032851302,0.03364017223631127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259278065076364,0.08647081227127054,0.11961914848380675,0.0,0.05405076774178099,0.2166805713702556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407944835418438,0.22098263203827295,0.0,0.1634362790752849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168667141025699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771667499625776,0.13011601417422775,0.0,0.0,0.04720998785903106,0.11823665956659968,0.0,0.0,0.119948307009966,0.1174679351060884,0.0,0.06423104378248742,0.0,0.16591365411973438,0.04655401084879216,0.06513322134065573,0.0,0.0,0.06628595678421162,0.058433185997493524,0.08487252379942571,0.1068948275307128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724715843864525,0.0,0.0,0.11714204290463552,0.0,0.1230686820868067,0.0,0.0,0.06122794212826305,0.06967194842567513,0.1176407274237157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822603722904843,0.048677744201146886,0.0,0.061949181909202726,0.04877754277202611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283259933176831,0.15190405192800366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107923495801938,0.06852112561741272,0.043325728019562484,0.06524318393965121,0.048883485109677834,0.0511754524207764,0.0,0.0,0.0700723824981831,0.0,0.0,0.05769099884934487,0.0,0.0460233380001555,0.0,0.10700288380178236,0.0563552123574309,0.0,0.0,0.16266447714469967,0.0,0.0,0.04859499632618952,0.2141570786754146,0.0,0.05802122857376848,0.058490094319176775,0.0,0.04155850727513447,0.0,0.0,0.06372320267124137,0.07362975032650378,0.10573395361250892,0.0,0.0,0.07220811271626358,0.04858674227281205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475924613244742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883624038105704
suicidewatch,Tsunderebolt_,2019/03/10,"Downward spiraling depression, scared I may go off the deep end eventually Hi, been diagnosed in the past with depression, ptsd and anxiety order. I've always been a bit down since I was about 11 due to the constant fighting between my parents before they split up, either that or it started a week after I turned 10 when my (Father's side) grandfather died after a long painful battle with gangrene, diabetes and other things. Anyways lets skip ahead a bit. At the moment i'm in high school still, though even there I lose hope every day as my grades go down, I get ridiculed more and more every week, to the point where I just feel like some cartoon character or something. School isn't my only issue though, there is extreme tension in my once close family, people split apart, constant drama and arguing...  And if you just choose to ignore the drama and crap, i've still got so much time to kill, my mind wanders even as I try to distract myself (I blame ADHD, which earlier I didn't mention for not feeling it would be needed), I end up thinking about things, things like how my friends really see me, could they even secretly hate me too and are just waiting for the perfect moment to ruin me? Well I don't wanna explain a million things I think about as this is already gonna be a text wall.  Moving on I also feel lonely, rarely does anybody actually speak to me. I'm not sure if its my intimidating stature (6'5, still growing) and overall appearance, my vibes or what, people just don't like talking to me. Loneliness goes beyond friends though, I severely yearn for love and have been through several unrequited loves, and only one relationship ever, which ended in only 3 months, right before valentines day. I'm unlovable and I know it. I'll never be loved again once my mother dies, and while the lady is only 54, she's got some serious health issues. I'm scared one day I'll just wake up and she'll be gone, and I'll be all alone in this world, nobody else to care. Anyways if you're wondering why exactly im posting here, i've been having more and more thoughts of suicide lately and I'm scared at some point I may lose control, in truth I really don't wanna die, but you never know...",7.114589258312019,6.698473651764708,7.164757033248082,76.60662404092074,64.2470588235294,9.8383631713555,33.30179028132993,9.20300075937882,2.8434358056265983,1742,63,322,26,23,560,239,425,0.145,0.7929999999999999,0.062,-0.9731,1,3,1,0,2,2,56.0,0,2,2,5,32,37,7,5,14,0,27,9,2,2,8,72,61,34,5,10,15,3,3,3,2,5,4,1,0,0,15,19,0,3,12,2,0,6,9,23,1,3,10,5,39,14,44,39,12,67,0,7,1,3,23,28,1,14,34,207,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0713933657107526,0.0,0.08792380626256907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577144049742633,0.08073360689869034,0.05850582820938265,0.06087477537556143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055967010957869205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450712302092252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597430045886434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459124423857742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811940548098954,0.08205488412402727,0.058412109874123375,0.0,0.0,0.14154596539337802,0.0,0.12602477647382826,0.0742556095064741,0.2277848201866977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402259304811228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061115586151667435,0.0,0.19439347913403196,0.0,0.0,0.14496398102552674,0.06617718525249812,0.12328049486580625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689685042741922,0.0,0.11097530828136076,0.052265342310551785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130460876973877,0.0,0.038222951494267236,0.0,0.08315674743174943,0.0,0.11702507582383775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223010998344266,0.0,0.07776539655692198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772972960145337,0.0,0.07266414243926285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902508774245065,0.15271954969926602,0.0,0.0,0.08094042740658439,0.0,0.08041337414170792,0.0,0.08252738823435303,0.0,0.0,0.07481080438117915,0.0,0.10722647992819416,0.0,0.0,0.06474407938683162,0.0,0.16369410060159528,0.0,0.0,0.1980886008558997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387049523984666,0.0,0.058395417026700765,0.07775723958932418,0.05378083647774138,0.05424703000064012,0.1128506236610764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582549898317227,0.09914988432748784,0.22256515608087413,0.07784713556055113,0.0,0.08123524806557189,0.0,0.06983926263666021,0.1014395224063008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383192282091578,0.0,0.07006682035059579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855198364623413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373602253652066,0.0,0.0,0.07854619567319318,0.0,0.06247802950242441,0.0,0.0,0.21973702735317616,0.14808315212073606,0.05829885128243021,0.0,0.0,0.16529939406077904,0.0,0.060518503866551575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056321952282476426,0.0,0.0,0.05178284987254545,0.0,0.17527642025114806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002489570225604,0.0,0.06895220158940993,0.0,0.0,0.058803038387233025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944163568532955,0.09375563158999096,0.21563725822659344,0.058080672024247736,0.04266004043134478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967067009661544,0.07957680313945509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736868219202072,0.0,0.06577940426807981,0.0,0.06601529799948486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933863156907825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197058962384137,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fretzalot,2019/03/10,"Ready to end it I actually had a pretty good day today, but now I just feel it's time to end it all. I don't want to live and I don't want to die. I just feel so empty and alone. ",-1.585909090909091,-0.5837377727272735,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,85.81818181818181,5.3090909090909095,13.272727272727273,5.985473137389443,-1.2739818181818179,134,1,40,1,4,50,28,44,0.189,0.5920000000000001,0.22,0.3417,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,7,4,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2724743340702863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891833517798852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800710858632241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897819079490119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946046293175766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823597862460242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341929576856816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24655265839531226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840628387273609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281297277726606,0.0,0.2646639214555828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293774148214627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gundowncat,2019/03/10,"I've never felt this calm I've failed school 5 times. I can't land a stable job. I'm just an explosive ball of anxiety and have been my whole life. My therapist told me that life is not for everyone, and I agreed to give school one last shot this year. When I fail this last time, I finally have permission to leave.",1.768181818181816,3.603428848484853,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,78.69696969696969,8.036363636363637,20.090909090909093,8.841846274778883,1.0287454545454549,248,6,58,6,6,80,50,66,0.177,0.75,0.07200000000000001,-0.7062,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,6,9,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,7,1,4,6,1,9,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,30,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640961088625728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496918330427305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595890450802495,0.2349802738219708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577320711957026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286359507765915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497011998066177,0.0,0.22713033641944685,0.0,0.0,0.3030231354078776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543985384030468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535446805049804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341820053497168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24905740104054516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501597465683285,0.0,0.0,0.20496918330427305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394877135187836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813449947187606
suicidewatch,mokanaya,2019/03/10,Do people who come write suicide notes actually end up killing themselves Cos everytime i read a suicide note here its always a cry for help other than any concrete good bye letter,7.943636363636365,8.776268363636365,7.293484848484847,72.16022727272728,62.33333333333333,9.024242424242424,37.71212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.5286484848484854,148,7,23,2,2,46,31,33,0.358,0.521,0.121,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.2657509833558974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659712504894985,0.0,0.0,0.18519108176868984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23458481580676435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299137425823849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412000878211505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284142064695956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825344398182861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30128847354939586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887966239037174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723997884098852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957610910792145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bitchwakarimasen,2019/03/10,"I’m ready to die but I’m a pussy. I wrote my note, have a noose tied. I tied it to a beam in my house and tried was all ready, but I couldn’t make myself do it. It’s not that part of me doesn’t wanna die, it’s that I’ve read so many theories on afterlife and things like that. I’m so afraid of becoming a ghost or having any fate besides unconsciousness. I need to just grow a set and do it. Afterlife might suck but my mind is poison and I can’t deal with it no more. Ugh I have no reason to keep tryna make my life here better cuz it ain’t external situations making me feel like  this. I’m just the kinda crazy that can’t be fixed. ",-0.3775117370892005,1.4462205915492987,2.0625633802816914,97.13619248826292,86.04225352112675,5.75849765258216,15.100469483568075,7.03164865440522,-0.4861169953051645,492,8,125,7,15,168,86,142,0.209,0.69,0.101,-0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,1,6,0,14,2,0,5,1,27,26,11,3,3,7,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,1,13,3,10,21,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,2,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351829721375045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954624026144448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581224186654773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494217741568105,0.0,0.0,0.4126220815672155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005134202272287,0.1420145182654869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937519738638415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669232041227803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404101708621206,0.1942360044485551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39807852963214896,0.20154030121992333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088314582168105,0.20071968022683004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473991270754386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526853451155956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198842258791219,0.0,0.0,0.20438764896830086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234465622322759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320662222845406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349643181093382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,That-Rhino-Guy,2019/03/10,"Shitty family situation For years my mental state has been getting increasingly worse due to a number of reasons, the fact I have anxiety and spending time with my friends in high school helped me cope with it but after school ended it was impossible to stay in touch with these people leading to me becoming more and more isolated over time, I fell in love with a girl yet she was way too good for me and likely would want another guy leading to me telling her I only want a friend, it may sound cliche but this girl was important to me, I could be depressed or enraged yet she could make me feel at peace just by being around her, and yet despite all the issues I’ve had my family doesn’t seem to be very helpful as they never took my mental health very seriously, always denying that I had mental issues or giving such pitiful advice that if they did nothing it would’ve been exactly the same, now at this point I really could care less if I got stabbed or shot tomorrow, frankly that would be nothing compared to feeling like your friends and someone your heart desires are better off without you ",24.70021327014218,8.300233985781993,20.585343601895737,41.42929502369671,52.74407582938389,23.754028436018963,68.86374407582939,13.816669648895859,8.82352037914692,885,34,161,14,4,279,135,211,0.129,0.675,0.197,0.9608,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,2,3,8,13,1,0,6,0,22,3,1,4,4,40,34,13,0,10,9,0,3,2,3,3,1,1,0,3,10,10,0,0,4,0,1,5,3,4,0,0,10,4,26,9,26,14,6,30,0,2,0,1,20,10,0,7,14,115,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902500245238292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283525407908924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699096923761805,0.08535081485338528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932103594340863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322040078649893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986746795580327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375314435646695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723891930631594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960951565901394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881798558537763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035670614793908,0.0,0.11282638144995775,0.0797056958813608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25859632851098313,0.0,0.05829076808466626,0.10702819844045372,0.0,0.09357969960253357,0.08923279454179399,0.0,0.0,0.11047193191610688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859379034064163,0.0,0.13221109598313194,0.14956616148641952,0.11787992761968576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329003780581869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901502247006266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069636384515444,0.0,0.0744739026387049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373092329345361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604973288136003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410902430618206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485408236189962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734865367594428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546979940048992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147465772854918,0.11471263635256652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258297787079788,0.0,0.10156922130363807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254094577973132,0.0,0.0,0.0945329767314328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891887299569515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751717789223294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011483551389086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395847719625913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841140206159511,0.13161386166111888,0.088559145717958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754958711620624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136994552533368,0.2377685763571442,0.0,0.0,0.07184748115607628
suicidewatch,dialup_tone,2019/03/10,"How Do I Stop Failing? Over and over. I'm 26, I lost my ability to finish school due to an issue with financial aid. I'm in 60k+ debt and am disabled by a severe dissociative disorders and panic disorder. 
I keep trying. I keep going, I push on. I fail, get up, and try something new. All the wisdom in the world tells me that this is the key to success. Keep trying, and you'll get there.
But when you just keep finding the hole you're in growing deeper and find that the inch or so that you thought you climbed actually just weakened the integrity of the wall, you just start to want to give up. I hate myself so much. I hate that I can't even make enough to survive on things beyond dried beans and rice and the chairty of others. I hate that I had poetential before my mental health dipped down and never came back up. I've been messed up since I was a kid, living with thoughts of suicide and self harm from the age of 10. I just...don't know how to keep convincing myself to keep going when things have just gotten worse every year. ",3.3778528708133955,4.7502136124401915,4.240260167464115,87.92775867224883,73.16267942583733,6.947488038277513,23.58881578947368,7.413659706084162,0.8477581339712921,811,22,170,9,16,261,128,209,0.213,0.71,0.077,-0.9856,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,5,0,6,15,12,3,1,12,0,9,1,0,3,2,37,34,18,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,13,0,7,5,0,1,6,2,9,0,0,8,0,23,3,29,25,3,33,0,3,0,0,9,16,0,1,11,110,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.10752665904168794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472703442638521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376105771208852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260246227307965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525677942741853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385267000299375,0.0,0.07277750253064898,0.0,0.09283733583616176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014179217145136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513636405776125,0.10570145174779394,0.1252436713004383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263606778338306,0.0,0.11712367385361155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500664512753075,0.0,0.5876358382536548,0.0,0.0,0.06055591704948045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729717745912846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028217338002314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355070664498423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104262281231668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100015469711787,0.0,0.08498304017637051,0.10641933249667238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928075353010735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151516985776898,0.0,0.0,0.11494911647832508,0.12447999480079168,0.0,0.09114786039554497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482736875266755,0.0,0.0,0.07799095598057093,0.0,0.0,0.09212130157933997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052674067622995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630833204477136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640675017470794,0.0,0.0,0.17495240784600785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442930745790016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499117265555744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229001009390516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095684290009559
suicidewatch,pubertino12,2019/03/10,Why can't I kill myself? It'd be so easy.  I have a noose tied right next to me.  I don't have any family that actually cares about me and my only friends would probably want me to do it so they have a story to tell for sympathy.  I've waited 8 years for things to get better and constantly tried to do so but it doesn't matter.  I don't know why I  can't just fucking send it and stop feeling this way.  ,0.5910393258426971,2.0861108426966304,3.0678511235955064,92.88245084269664,81.02247191011236,6.6971910112359545,18.990168539325843,7.6454224807358475,0.29993146067415744,311,7,76,5,8,108,58,89,0.047,0.768,0.185,0.8166,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,2,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,0,12,20,7,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,8,17,0,7,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,4,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.21864655421048887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523659155947893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815952246945176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844025302173995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421251808066986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122026757637974,0.0,0.11328955903490337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310528293448907,0.2071363687749761,0.11706012950608782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788501526141785,0.0,0.12313544118200336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23828633617947315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040485477866185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415705051760262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134279114829472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873210359107216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958350155302873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488529994521872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211946871857948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321541660633885,0.17784540172185004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043517850452602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916311310462405,0.0,0.0,0.14428486234047272
suicidewatch,ShronkTheSwamp,2019/03/10,"“YoU’rE tOo YoUnG tO bE sUiCiDaL” I really just want to vent so sorry if it’s hard to read. Also I’m not too smart so don’t judge me about that please 



It all started when I realized my friends were starting to treat me different, but I could sense that the fake kindness was there. If you ever have gone through this u know the feeling. It was so awkward talking to  them, like they secretly hated me. The feeling kept making its way into me every day and night. All of a sudden, on Xbox (that’s how I cope with a lot of the things i can’t handle so judge if u will) they started to say I could join them and play with them, but never invited me. I know that doesn’t sound so horrible, but the few friends I had were blocking me out. I know this because they would then invite other people, who they supposedly were “less friendly with” and play with them for so long. I know that  doesn’t sound to bad but I have more problems at home then I feel comfortable sharing with the internet. I just want this all to end. The humiliation, the pain, the sadness I just can’t take it anymore. I have friend so many times to just stop it all, just end it. I can’t anymore, sorry for wasting you’re time kind reader",1.9153870625662748,3.9006289268292704,3.1154506892895037,91.776474019088,78.83739837398375,6.066878755744081,22.890774125132555,7.079830092131019,0.6618496288441147,940,30,203,11,23,303,133,246,0.202,0.61,0.188,-0.8536,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,8,0,20,20,1,1,11,0,20,1,0,2,6,50,38,22,1,9,13,0,4,1,4,2,1,3,1,0,18,10,0,3,9,4,0,1,8,7,0,0,8,7,32,13,24,25,8,24,0,1,0,0,18,4,0,4,19,146,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873826476715822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448965140056345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309161438849183,0.07526567080074735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971601991418212,0.0,0.0,0.0796274116925957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899902203245267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187141053486465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168494898698894,0.1040281157897885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728919335159053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38156795244430014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060414032744544,0.12190026091387547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123849662289772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25714831800427623,0.2714217461689119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032080842333645,0.0,0.0,0.1092663457343842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496908805247332,0.0,0.0,0.08241664152004732,0.1251783770365644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522704916088452,0.0,0.0,0.11586746859103413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137992090008332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559798850605055,0.0,0.0,0.13553209095449795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814333771695995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350260018024001,0.0,0.07909752322715602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818765372117837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27642729403838595,0.2621763795641865,0.0,0.0,0.1032257694718204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505525144495611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283346319375144,0.09923985611506736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202744198982415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399175248021814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565065172180386,0.09800409415049696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770896841284664,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkwhattoevendoatm,2019/03/10,"For some people there isn’t a point I need to talk to someone so I’m writing this here.

I’m in a difficult situation. I’m an immigrant who despite working cannot survive on my own income. I’m in a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive at times but would never think that he is. 
I wish I was dead. I have since I was a child and I have a lot I could live for but I don’t want to.

If it wasn’t for my mom I’d have done it already but I can’t do it to her. I feel like my only option is to just wait 50 years until she dies. She lost her baby before she had me and I don’t want her to go through it again. 

I’m at university, have plenty of friends, travel often.. objectively I have a nice life. Besides my boyfriend being an asshole occasionally. 
But I just don’t like life.",0.051847545219640516,1.9558126860465137,2.9552713178294603,90.89425064599483,84.93023255813954,5.682687338501292,21.76485788113695,6.937597516519254,0.5065842377260985,610,21,142,8,18,216,98,172,0.081,0.7909999999999999,0.128,0.7615,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,8,0,23,2,0,0,1,25,37,9,2,7,7,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,2,1,0,2,8,2,0,0,6,1,24,4,18,28,3,13,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,5,7,99,32,1,0.0,0.21837236585473047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033861551424232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568307549472369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715327231648126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128043680626636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860893594672096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931906060525468,0.13166817918942975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239428915591934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474529619069607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603614301254872,0.18008511630452453,0.0,0.1627454954913872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011916729417544,0.15669029414894536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215856854688614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666049720249593,0.14214808017095554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017294997350296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277745119674313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422865822797992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978755731684564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245975361704625,0.20716756536300815,0.0,0.0,0.3123235995106648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813810936602229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809578541416005,0.0,0.0,0.1074702584815678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741680226722035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119427011434809,0.0,0.0,0.13417689781710335,0.0,0.0,0.1309256307270136,0.0,0.0,0.11868696356717535
suicidewatch,Kwathreon,2019/03/10,"I wish I could die a meaningful death I feel like nothing I've done in life has done good to anyone. I've hurt a lot of people. I have not achieved anything for myself. I want it all to be over, but I don't want it to be as pointless as my life feels. I want at least my death to be worth something.",0.3219900497512427,1.7341519701492525,2.150074626865674,99.53665422885572,81.5373134328358,5.063681592039801,20.12189054726368,5.46131890053228,-0.4371870646766172,230,6,59,1,6,76,44,67,0.18,0.623,0.197,-0.5927,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,1,12,15,3,3,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,10,2,11,9,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691432568632058,0.0,0.18467223430991184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791749925622939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23290457835259806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593034753961222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269392434635056,0.16032022024096426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822642327459865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402380509347468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31701814422388164,0.1096365336172994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078734605602454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532969226840548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557926012122464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276358280934356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970926366356844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580631154388707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whiskeytangos,2019/03/10,"Not wanting to die, but definitely not wanting this life I'm honestly not sure whether or not I should post this here, or at all. 

After a lifetime of severe trauma (which included being homeless as a child, my mother trying to kill me, being physically/sexually/emotionally abused, surviving several murder attempts and break-ins, drug addiction and an ongoing 10-year battle with depersonalisation disorder), I thought I could find the love I never received from family through relationships. I seem to have a thing for narcs, and have been in extremely abusive relationships for the past few years.

​

Last year, I started dating the most incredible guy. The first person who didn't force me to have sex. Fast forward a few months and the ""honeymoon phase"" is over: he has cheated multiple times, manipulates situations and conversations and puts me down. Yesterday, he broke up with me. Although my friends are all through the roof, I haven't felt an urge to not want to live anymore this strong in years, and years. NOT because I lost him, but because horrific shit keeps happening and I have absolutely no hope that it will ever get better. Just life in general. How will I ever be happy if people keep being horrible, even if I pour my absolute heart & soul into every single person in my life?

​

How do you stay hopeful and believe life will eventually...get better?  


​",8.347926829268294,9.332459727642275,8.266162601626018,65.00851219512198,61.47967479674797,11.438048780487804,38.351219512195115,11.20814326018867,4.7609824390243904,1127,54,174,30,15,364,164,246,0.209,0.626,0.165,-0.9514,0,0,1,0,1,2,53.0,0,1,0,7,7,18,5,0,12,0,20,10,2,3,6,50,36,20,3,9,14,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,8,12,0,2,4,0,0,3,10,8,0,1,5,1,21,10,25,22,6,31,1,2,0,2,16,10,1,8,18,125,29,0,0.0,0.20277338427755398,0.0,0.0932841465026304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708610953155232,0.3119314702419481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486264306066145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432559698645798,0.0,0.0,0.09640831044827422,0.0,0.15135977276152793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832084022705341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880835577679667,0.0,0.09807086041171698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923426299015578,0.0,0.0,0.09625495536473956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056518308775729414,0.1548062862326078,0.07209658246371664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806679671624625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216080932041063,0.0,0.0782096107765754,0.07278596674193087,0.0,0.0,0.06611132274206867,0.0,0.08941379339571187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472794939007093,0.07566944352962149,0.09109106698827953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140109668554967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998102881498536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521174474676792,0.0946707458551232,0.0,0.0,0.06975113230734539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417630459570591,0.0,0.0,0.0755600525907869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340997944309852,0.0,0.07723044461751168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683013156907175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599701196624035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168643650189825,0.059323601030371875,0.1494331926697183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195259593783936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602168368063534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837407378913529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789989450658676,0.0,0.19333993440045572,0.08783657861448572,0.0,0.0961844878512327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056702660232002,0.09120644563684398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806488989739536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056849037308888774,0.0,0.0,0.06793317896237132,0.04989667061625355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058096547495965135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141455955966493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119314702419481,0.2755220100531502
suicidewatch,HagisAhhhhhhh,2019/03/10,"Whats the Point.... Everyday feels more pointless than the last.I got exams coming up. My mums gonna kill me if i fail them but i know i will. My depression has got worse and now interferes with daily activities. The girl that i tried to put all my love into, i think my main reason for living, is now going out with my best friend. Well he was my best friend but im not sure if anyone really is my friend. im lonely. ive already tried suicide once lets not fail again. Im gonna hang myself soon.",-0.1215384615384636,2.09546261904762,2.0571428571428605,94.69978021978024,89.4761904761905,5.135531135531137,14.743589743589745,6.67199483983844,-0.4478717948717947,385,7,87,5,13,129,72,105,0.22,0.546,0.234,0.6068,0,2,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,4,5,13,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,2,19,17,5,2,2,6,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,5,1,0,3,1,16,8,8,10,5,13,0,4,0,1,8,4,0,2,5,52,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001734821443062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772759778464712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233687307254776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271553324975047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269813605803496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779011713381117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570965697180614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756012661632084,0.0,0.2464437528615401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499258104889729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045289266313374,0.0,0.08467148414231092,0.12558559839076822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754448571382876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604444981967104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905195916445212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407688903677098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564361292997774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488041931724042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869960352338646,0.158407078633667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685248693955561,0.0,0.14520682176988794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872025093033436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920347642729603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852521038503668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700797332880284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeslieJezebel,2019/03/10,I don't want tomorrow anymore I'm so ashamed. Of my life of my mind. Of everything.,-1.4216666666666669,0.5007779444444438,1.8277777777777795,92.645,102.88888888888887,6.844444444444445,28.222222222222214,7.793537801064563,2.4354222222222237,65,4,15,2,3,23,14,18,0.28600000000000003,0.7140000000000001,0.0,-0.6385,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5185579412811893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699321727380373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693266638529824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5279612538938332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30840905355387943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AcceptableDesk,2019/03/10,My ex has a new gf and I want to hurt myself Anyone to talk to about anything would really help right now,-0.5997101449275384,1.5585783043478258,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,92.04347826086956,4.8057971014492775,12.014492753623188,6.42735559955562,-0.8892202898550718,83,1,19,1,3,28,21,23,0.132,0.701,0.16699999999999998,-0.0276,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277862845964724,0.0,0.3270163662341115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26636071990492594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254119453388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837996915308993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545768521212356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33936707888939793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194053257797133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343896680447073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822929488856288,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,choclobstah,2019/03/10,"Is it worth it? I am struggling to find the drive to improve life. I have made several horrible mistakes that have ruined the life of another human(my SO). But making life better for her is the only thing that keeps me going. I want to make up for my mistakes, but the crippling anxiety and depression make it next to impossible. And she takes it as I do not care about her (because of my past mistakes and the fact that I am now frozen with anxiety). For anyone who has ever hurt someone you loved, how did you find the way to get through the crushing guilt and make things better for them? ",5.829068322981364,6.173280826086959,6.003229813664597,81.28347826086956,66.82608695652175,9.006211180124225,32.08074534161491,8.841846274778883,2.5206397515527947,465,18,90,7,7,148,73,115,0.242,0.648,0.111,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,2,5,12,0,2,7,0,9,4,0,6,2,23,21,9,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,8,0,0,2,0,14,4,16,19,0,8,0,3,0,1,8,1,0,0,4,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954999492902412,0.24739055193546294,0.0,0.0,0.11306002937773385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856700904791356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860099634649057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648575541726335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926658970975495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626125377211138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955703158468064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447831057019893,0.0,0.0918942842051396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309650331499246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372083413851466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34262723185845506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593492207625303,0.15299853558526258,0.4317273340676578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196313721280718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297538286862042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435498014585164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266791289817805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700258942966526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690374146941166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215735767610642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484428507100792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537116293099583,0.1283449723106525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarlingVirtue,2019/03/10,"My friend killed himself and I want to follow Hi,

So a week ago today one of my oldest and formerly closest friends killed himself. His funeral is this week coming up. A while before he took his life I distanced myself from him because of some behaviour that looking back was likely depression. So there's a lot of guilt. I haven't said this to anyone but for a time I thought that we'd end up together, married and stuff. He was my best friend and we just lived too far apart at the time. 

My partner is angry because I'm taking time off work to travel for the funeral. He doesn't think I should be so upset because I hadn't seen him for a while, and he says it's a waste of time to go. I'll be seeing some old friends and one of my best friends while I'm there and he's questioned how I can be their friend if I haven't seen them in a while.

I have depression and a history of suicide attempts and I'm struggling with the overwhelming feelings of sadness and guilt. I told my partner I had started self harming again and wanted to die and I need him to support me more, but he's barely talking to me and is pretending I'm not here. I'm so alone. I don't have any friends here because there are always reasons why he doesn't like other people.

We work together, he's my boss, so if we split up I will lose my partner, all of my social circle (his family), my home and my job. My family are too far away to stay with and we have a terrible relationship. I've had a lot of time off work sick so will struggle to get another job with my attendance being so rubbish. I have credit card payments to make and would have to sell my car if I lost my job and then I'd be completely reliant on him for transport - public transport isn't at all reliable here. And I really love him. He can be the absolute best but when he's not happy he's so so angry. I'm so alone right now.

I'm going to kill myself when I get back from the funeral. I need to say goodbye to my friend first. Then I'll start putting my plan in place. The only thing that's keeping me calm now is knowing that I'll be dead soon.

I like to think I have a lot more love to give and more to live for but I can't see any way of getting out of my situation without putting myself in a position where I only kill myself later after my life gets worse. So this is me making the best of a bad situation really. At least this way it's my choice.",3.47239122868082,3.9948422682445774,4.9115842905209455,86.4084345631744,72.07692307692308,8.015987933634994,27.535038867618056,8.124751697461798,1.5905153033994668,1878,64,412,26,34,631,212,507,0.219,0.647,0.134,-0.9944,3,2,0,0,0,4,38.0,5,0,2,12,30,39,4,6,20,0,39,5,0,5,2,64,82,46,10,9,11,0,1,3,11,4,3,3,1,4,13,28,0,1,7,2,2,12,11,18,0,3,12,9,68,21,55,58,15,68,0,6,5,2,53,21,0,9,35,276,81,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059704016112735715,0.0,0.0,0.13951396232156224,0.0,0.0,0.05604275873815619,0.0,0.0,0.09160415529348692,0.07062507372405312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709450397440968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327998485025185,0.10357998400681892,0.056236607714000346,0.16423007936231196,0.0,0.05731210188123951,0.0,0.2827295936700293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801830112828357,0.07061791970583234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602139144464453,0.0,0.06990136523806792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059654412325234676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698807418094396,0.0,0.034055498299774764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729008718752674,0.0,0.0,0.4162916137287656,0.0,0.1407558145808573,0.06461075119445288,0.07655606948881233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169809515983261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756014943615843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051118859115136,0.059866085581211925,0.29806269130852586,0.0,0.03701522755970632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514626652353587,0.09871523480594216,0.0,0.1189471595855443,0.0,0.056559220848405777,0.07535033131767073,0.07352331920594381,0.17178231600849592,0.12157670231560695,0.0,0.08991676705735402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988219901696377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067522381588534,0.0,0.09127972977313427,0.10244937471069454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046693812384992935,0.0,0.07036913177235632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541593190772006,0.07545032641222707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629560049592462,0.06924969040153459,0.0,0.0723114864367937,0.0,0.05751875242640243,0.06406774622892025,0.1071229817755654,0.0,0.0,0.10734260412382676,0.0,0.07026345089870775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141428881812902,0.0,0.06865749382856584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534503394147308,0.07178891009479492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082312275966566,0.07710261307822126,0.07367281267518412,0.07643093236176397,0.0,0.0,0.050640773096108115,0.05413546864156859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474607468635786,0.08631365305457375,0.0,0.0534704410738842,0.1963692135949664,0.0,0.06384238950577001,0.06435829567115244,0.07483121686876454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945261709939741,0.10692271781365556,0.10805238621288438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077524550994689,0.0,0.0,0.06492550295609628,0.0,0.14710048498567102,0.0,0.06863805353507199,0.047845354628412114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Plane_Mountain,2019/03/10,"Crisis hotlines and 'saviors' Has anyone actually found crisis hotlines helpful? Every time I've called they have made me feel worse. It's as if they build up this great expectation of how they are going to help because all these TV programs and newspaper articles always give their numbers and say to call if you're feeling suicidal. And then when I call they just repeat what I'm saying or say some corny cliches or one even hung up on me after 10 mins saying that they had to take the next call.

​

Also, I really hate newspaper articles about people that have 'saved' suicidal people from jumping off bridges or like radio hosts that have talked people out of suicide. First of all, these articles focus on the saviors and not the saved as if they were the more important people in these stories. Second, it gives this fucked up wrong impression that suicide is such a flimsy affair that it can be fixed just by talking to someone for an hour or two. Yeah, perhaps they stopped someone THAT DAY but what about months and years of suffering the suicidal person was experiencing leading up to that day and likely will be still experiencing after that day. Fuck this shit.",9.168876262626265,8.634556754629632,8.293181818181822,70.57909090909092,60.157407407407405,10.81750841750842,36.76599326599328,10.018931242160765,3.686440740740741,953,37,157,16,11,297,137,216,0.2,0.742,0.057,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,8,2,10,12,4,0,7,1,13,3,1,3,2,32,25,21,5,4,11,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,0,1,19,8,0,1,3,2,0,3,1,6,0,4,5,8,12,6,27,17,4,29,0,1,0,2,24,9,3,8,19,111,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.09325760651221444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642325657998883,0.07951769456413968,0.10354458420000806,0.11612187525402327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682123555308006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058255506969205964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390329998029668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489446200824056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311974866915207,0.0,0.08051759268084825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664102099910872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128749827993499,0.0,0.10478203587328458,0.0,0.17669651409177334,0.0,0.18334921744465,0.054311763800608315,0.0,0.0,0.10536069556459296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435060398273608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281103441164253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411222638535664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933764155187446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042586705388356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762790319377327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016344092725543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475728386168396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650108163741882,0.08344362887404773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061221354524362566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30398833809834536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809604862920822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194374528376887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631829310712009,0.079896577933742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226627264512057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185294975150094,0.153622974937384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572469128938021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335307074238293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738884914605277,0.0,0.10448527159672373,0.11612187525402327,0.0615406950564755
suicidewatch,Montysmonster,2019/03/10,"When there's truly nothing left I'm going to be 50 in a couple months, parents are dead, no family to speak of. My husband sent me packing a year and a half ago because he couldn't deal with my physical and mental disabilities anymore. I've been in chronic pain for 15+ years due to a roof falling on me. The only thing keeping me going right now is my dog and a promise to my mom on her death bed. I've attempted suicide 6 times, the last time ended me up on life support for a week and a lengthy stay at the nut house. I'm very physically ill and just don't see the point in suffering anymore, no one will ever love me again, my quality of life sucks, I'm alone I just want to be done already",5.164256756756757,4.252037587837839,6.454729729729731,81.73587837837839,68.3918918918919,9.291891891891893,32.68918918918919,8.472884824447931,2.3444837837837844,545,21,119,7,8,186,102,148,0.204,0.7120000000000001,0.084,-0.96,1,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,11,0,9,6,0,0,1,12,21,6,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,2,3,2,12,3,18,14,0,30,0,1,1,1,9,11,1,0,14,67,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080280726335773,0.0,0.0,0.1645111905890695,0.17528479997558702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150548327641761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968278924806068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575435142184082,0.0,0.0,0.16375791567427053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254931210965906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068582430331947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368061982524494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497409931342149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805458024250748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328098542245028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411850233623559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947647240078394,0.0,0.0,0.17258102088893,0.0,0.22438794405128384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336004592668802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007419162076636,0.0,0.0,0.18603245422953055,0.1267852309120884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241205534021698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076346537059539,0.12080560488931955,0.1690178366801665,0.0,0.1763739383774757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015592131195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564919647333307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265755721613008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930318477466255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374608140373707,0.18025068561504293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552678596961416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852427245903224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106031560304476,0.09368843388099513,0.0,0.1274125285102326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045765667187512
suicidewatch,Rocket_Man_The_Great,2019/03/10,"I don’t say this often but I’m feeling awful When I rant to people I usually try to say um not great or unwell so I don’t look dramatic but, honestly, I’m feeling awful. 


The day was going well with my friend but I fucked it up, as always. I also had multiple break downs and my face has been hurting for hours from crying. I won’t go in the specific on why I feel this way. 


It’s 4 am and I have to be up in an hour and head to school. I also want to get rid of my friend that I went out with today (he’s nice but it’s complicated). I only have two friends (including that guy) and one of them lives in a different continent. If I get rid of him I’ll be alone, but easier for the impact right? 


Fuck, I’m suicidal, I haven’t been this bad since I tried to kill myself (and stopped, so I guess an attempt to an attempt really) . I tried to sleep but ended it up having an existential crisis while hugging my dog. 


I was thinking of skipping school tomorrow and chill on a bridge or some tall building, because I can’t get rid of the thought of scaring myself out of suicide. I know I’m too much of a pussy to actually do it in such a violent way. If I skip though, with my extremely strict school and parents, the police is definitely going to be called and my family is going to be hell. 


I really don’t know what to do. I cant skip school to feel better, i have 4 absences left till being kicked out of the school. ",1.247163775070753,2.8962743488372134,3.7331930601698073,88.15351667281902,79.59800664451828,7.117066568229357,22.111603297649808,8.045849151850463,1.0458806693736924,1093,33,244,20,27,382,156,301,0.241,0.638,0.121,-0.9946,2,1,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,3,10,17,5,1,14,2,27,6,3,0,0,38,52,27,3,3,11,1,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,11,14,0,1,8,0,0,5,8,8,2,2,7,7,34,9,43,39,2,35,1,1,1,3,11,16,3,7,11,163,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0956033721569348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146608375477477,0.0,0.15669115503848235,0.08151785179561971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817998177880047,0.05972084338491411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664540194330977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000370518322234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761407647852554,0.06318174185185589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235649678858233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677123775444001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235622267685968,0.0,0.19814378347773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22707124994229905,0.18114106963850013,0.15355389202890024,0.0,0.22271160332424014,0.0,0.0,0.10801089761461974,0.10792362809514454,0.09700446950725183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054420602729032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929589776134455,0.0,0.10487757785087982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108387911493681,0.0,0.10768213065638782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644333833642676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650820502883881,0.0,0.08226907965644084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201830693238181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638616345027007,0.0745096523820329,0.0,0.0,0.10878270796951782,0.0,0.0,0.06791919890233362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255225854370964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366478098752274,0.0,0.1558173713946743,0.09808381396769986,0.4957480489058412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104076604226305,0.0,0.09803950628867802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190626545047176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432383273927672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277442203118043,0.09625380380889334,0.07777624779808821,0.0,0.0,0.09286292400995406,0.0,0.0,0.19954306025171145,0.0,0.09570123765730314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789874207873627,0.0,0.05778450964328712,0.15552607438620186,0.0,0.0,0.08808567580328472,0.0908180168597422,0.08840156280438753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BladeSides,2019/03/10,"If I don't reply to these by tomorrow I'm dead Hey
I really want to spare the details, but this is my 4th and hopefully final suicide attempt. Life's been nothing but downhill for me. I've gone through some serious serious abuse and trauma. At the moment of writing this, I've cut my left wrist multiple times, and hoping that I don't wake up tomorrow.
If I do, I'd love to talk to someone.
Anyone.
Please.",1.3401472556894234,3.6602417831325336,3.6452208835341366,85.35396251673363,82.97590361445782,7.062382864792503,26.08969210174029,8.167268648758528,2.004545917001338,320,14,63,7,9,110,60,83,0.237,0.593,0.171,-0.7686,0,0,0,0,1,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,5,4,2,0,0,12,11,7,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,7,3,10,9,1,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,5,5,36,11,0,0.0,0.30274030465271395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866014751003115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799012453233819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5075627517089952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776148715030215,0.0,0.18047590034455546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060983486833456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451709518279932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804757865328664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368772800374176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164947503682564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794889948767589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537111545506084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899128223696415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070778002832014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,woody2602,2019/03/10,"I told myself that the next time I would cut myself ot would be the last time I went through a 5000$ scar removal on my arm 2 years ago when my parents found out that i was cutting myself.
After my last session I promised myself that the nexr time ill cut will be when i kill myself.
Well I think I finally reached that point. My depression and my dysphoria are getting too bad. Or rather the fact that ill never be able to come out to my parents and probably never be able to transition.

Ill never be a real guy.

And i dont want to live as anything else.",4.641329192546586,4.690535791304349,5.387577639751555,85.69739130434783,69.34782608695653,8.310559006211179,29.472049689440993,7.957251820313856,1.760465838509316,436,15,93,5,7,142,68,115,0.225,0.726,0.049,-0.9649,2,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,6,0,11,4,1,0,4,18,18,7,1,4,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,4,0,20,2,10,6,0,22,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,15,64,25,1,0.30996319065642763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373818332040914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753664766738715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940315851349693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350292136696554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334854209594343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816372754819736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946723609277092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697747622415265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992931985689635,0.0,0.0,0.08097148692953855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345614554663892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714641727969771,0.0,0.0,0.2526613706209491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368515880692646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35859408188821873,0.0,0.16482468485942015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441774415534509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146507702063791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16709637247928535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764029852727374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930594840377747,0.0,0.0,0.2711130436945689,0.0,0.0,0.14809155592646656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914121603592556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934706674141842,0.1436694915634154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018895736392455,0.0,0.0,0.09980306612017094
suicidewatch,madeofcum,2019/03/10,what do you do when you don't want to do anything? and don't fucking say netflix,-0.1833333333333336,1.817857333333336,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,86.77777777777777,3.6,25.66666666666667,3.1291,0.06646666666666734,64,3,15,0,2,21,12,18,0.075,0.925,0.0,-0.0572,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.519195789863439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832780559301177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017352147064383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721346739850324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zenith1357,2019/03/10,"I'm sorry, but I need to let this out. I've thought a lot against posting this because I was scared. But here it goes, I guess. I feel like a constant disappointment. The smallest, the most minute things affect me vastly, and even the smallest inconveniences trigger my anxiety and depressive episodes. I constantly feel like I'm disappointing my friends, family and loved ones. When someone gets even slightly disappointed with a mistake I committed, my brain amplifies it, a lot, and I feel like its the end. I feel lonely despite of having loving friends, even though there aren't a lot. I can't stand up for myself if I feel like someone made me feel something negative, even though they wouldn't probably mind me correcting them. I self harm constantly. This has taken a toll on my mental as well as physical well being. I can't sleep. I can't study. I can't seem to enjoy anything. I don't like this. I feel like a failure in life, though I am not bad at academics or extra curriculars. It's the paranoia that is killing me. I feel like I will go crazy. And most of the times these days, I want this to end. Everything to end. I really don't know if I'll survive long even if I survive now, anyway. I don't think I'm strong enough for the future. The only reason I can't seem to take the step is because I'm concerned my best friends will take the brunt. They are good people and I'm afraid of leaving them in a dark place. I'm afraid I'm not making sense. I'm afraid of everything. I want all of this to end, in one way or the other.",2.562031900138696,4.580864517799355,3.683507859454462,88.30947815533983,76.96116504854369,6.873832639852058,25.59882108183079,7.83500028581142,1.4031811373092933,1212,45,250,19,28,392,155,309,0.189,0.625,0.18600000000000005,-0.4946,0,2,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,4,4,15,31,1,4,19,0,21,5,2,5,3,50,55,19,1,8,9,0,8,7,3,3,1,0,0,1,14,8,0,0,14,0,0,2,13,13,2,2,4,8,39,18,24,46,9,27,0,5,0,2,10,9,0,13,20,159,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612935929677223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593409794694459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689904967805323,0.0976840236680449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408375745465835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944335369602123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25975229820149925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051672468242503454,0.0,0.06900950417782598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838594755897706,0.08278809535532554,0.0,0.2646012086967913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401810777293286,0.0,0.07553248523057977,0.0,0.3240992748572637,0.3434377390973965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857076365343093,0.0,0.04186076745599719,0.0,0.04553553729569578,0.06720306100571358,0.0,0.0,0.08826411051531181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864381940688762,0.0,0.044033302292249686,0.0,0.0,0.08483829682259253,0.0,0.08193081808102458,0.05659298337490828,0.2740070905173946,0.0,0.0,0.07090600661153199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435218551780476,0.1446276043048173,0.0758139701896705,0.05348247796925989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807447664218133,0.0,0.0809010163319898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940991522791959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858633592815267,0.06093687090010917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055546943554770335,0.0,0.08371109555863834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673533200379168,0.0,0.08638574708629121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051328608705687104,0.08237940847930499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021673055854052,0.0,0.0,0.14588126708169974,0.08358537762678525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801804940277003,0.0,0.1357752894979839,0.061682315336588425,0.0,0.08969072502131736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048449338625901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053229915441633184,0.051339346364544715,0.2361602327550789,0.06360841877058415,0.04672015012832794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945168066576082,0.06359761462769947,0.0,0.0,0.1440797341813389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,empquix,2019/03/10,"The only reason that’s stopping me is my parents. They think I recovered. They’re trying so hard to make me love life again. They’re doing all they can, and even more than that. When I first attempted they were devastated and confused. They started questioning themselves and their parenting, even though they were good parents. My mom woke up with panic attacks at night and always came to my room to check if I’m still breathing. I saw my dad cry for the first time my entire life. I had no idea it would affect them this much when I tried to kill myself. But now I know, now I know how it’ll affect them and ruin their lives and it just breaks my heart that they’re trying so hard to make me love life and recover. It’s been a year since that happened and now they trust me enough to let me live alone again, but they still panic if I don’t pick up my phone. It breaks my heart that they think I’m getting better when in fact I’m getting worse. They don’t deserve a child like me. I wish they didn’t love me so that I’m able to go peacefully.",3.7595833333333317,4.6022880138888915,4.065814814814819,91.5606666666667,71.6388888888889,7.056296296296297,23.196296296296296,7.03164865440522,0.5302262962962958,825,19,183,7,15,257,115,216,0.141,0.727,0.131,0.6940000000000001,3,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,14,4,18,13,2,3,4,0,13,9,3,7,2,34,35,20,1,4,5,5,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,12,10,0,1,7,0,1,2,4,6,0,2,8,3,39,7,14,24,4,26,0,1,1,3,25,5,0,4,18,118,51,0,0.1093689200270254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327321720750352,0.0,0.0,0.091003702823997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442293554068032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672792199289076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508890829817365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013662308084593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300733054308505,0.0,0.1444742803899987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605829500769824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428149335682924,0.0,0.06215687765910961,0.09173346114540433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967145747834934,0.0,0.19594614019806386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592053936456877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123464198279812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100050565629172,0.0,0.12021259640499135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118371306986726,0.2317515079149424,0.05343212988766704,0.0,0.19314952023073004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612916111635673,0.0,0.14600920676324333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809155729851412,0.0,0.0,0.08039874036908866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102635322591535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317999203283953,0.0,0.25664172560295323,0.3643237282528437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251822068346994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244946515569026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904711008335902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741188451387064,0.0,0.17468432162235176,0.09143731435865274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015837565976388,0.10745440863021516,0.0,0.06377389678931515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276295260167095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576886051028913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145627315577776,0.07769254283958567,0.0,0.0,0.07042999869650847
suicidewatch,SilenceisComedy,2019/03/10,"I can't take the pressure I just barely failed a midterm again for the second time this semester that is crucial to me going into a degree program. I've always been good in school, had high expections for myself, but I feel like I'm not getting through life quick enough. I'm only 21 and already have a diploma, but I need to things now and it has be done to the best of my ability. I've been doing well with the homework in this course and I studied for a week before the exam. I just don't even know what to do, I feel like this adds on even more pressure I can't even take anymore. I'm sitting in a corner right now and have been for an hour, when I should have been working on a project. Work begins in 2.5 hours, I can't do this anymore.",3.879999999999996,4.11130098089172,4.738095541401275,89.05618789808918,71.03821656050955,7.044331210191082,27.80191082802548,6.2581,1.0234157961783437,582,19,128,3,10,189,93,157,0.013,0.828,0.159,0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,11,8,0,2,12,0,20,1,0,0,0,18,32,7,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,1,1,6,2,13,5,18,24,3,22,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,12,93,21,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883633703626652,0.0,0.14202979775448304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385621009737945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524670844825335,0.0,0.17913120228332716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467764622701212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637093660738395,0.0,0.3382222731782917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261446955329826,0.24388545016025154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917976348689112,0.0,0.09700845667837564,0.1431687341228151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803459520331968,0.0,0.0,0.33619537269040395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380811013790966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056513005159515,0.16678342454292902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656629371096442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981930491874927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577042526370265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727498788849577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25667896880579344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340048350766625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953214409879192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691919265081282,0.0,0.15347301779706304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485322826417377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slaylor_me,2019/03/10,"I can't live like this I can't be with the man I love. I'll probably never see him again. I don't blame him. He needs to get his life together.

I see no other reason to live. I can't work because of my mental illnesses. I live in my childhood house I have traumatic memories of. I have no hobbies or talents. I've spent hundreds of dollars on psychics that just took my money.

I don't want anyone else. I'll never love again and I don't want to. All I ever wanted to be is a wife and mother.I stopped taking my meds 3 days ago. I haven't left my room in days so my mom won't even know the difference. My best friend thinks I'm pathetic and that I'm making myself depressed. Fuck this. There's no reason for me to live. I'm done. I feel like I'm not supposed to be happy ever so why endure more suffering?",-0.8245380434782597,1.279645642045459,2.010256916996049,94.27940711462452,92.57954545454544,4.87905138339921,17.879446640316203,6.498293943080001,-0.027829249011857904,627,18,142,8,23,218,101,176,0.197,0.669,0.134,-0.7522,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,9,11,1,0,3,0,15,5,0,3,5,23,36,6,0,4,3,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,5,4,0,1,5,0,3,1,14,3,0,0,3,3,26,8,14,29,3,17,0,2,2,3,10,5,1,1,13,85,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571364541627907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127487711480664,0.13375112714739812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795744675455936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699108569533786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683718173254934,0.0,0.11243178453002857,0.0,0.0,0.1363839368323652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358521630138007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904735728783699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621880837144708,0.23615734116085715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600369809786093,0.09325603852617796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085297295960614,0.12067984434027655,0.06820047242690648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895962952779914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062278494953552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174001341482751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182940983107836,0.0,0.09220251889251624,0.12754808828885356,0.0,0.4610681271948545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23563043725676164,0.0,0.08713481586068196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499776982316218,0.0,0.13155112891220885,0.0,0.0,0.15288397911252502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679192550986312,0.20135718322303744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074153725034652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684286465814806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804302357467255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913522134745574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814797802855536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364317925683203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450320005017856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098325441981216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778981828870913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503287756529824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxgrande11,2019/03/10,"i have no reason to live. i already have breakdowns over school everyday and can’t handle having to do go there everyday. i am not even in difficult classes. if I can’t even handle high school, how will I ever live happily??? i will always have no worth in this world and will never be smart enough to have a good job. i will always be just another burden for everyone in my life. if I ended it all they would be so much happier",2.1437068965517234,4.11933214942529,4.113318965517242,84.9417025862069,78.08045977011494,7.5683908045976995,22.36925287356322,8.472884824447931,1.4727252873563217,335,10,67,7,8,114,57,87,0.105,0.7340000000000001,0.161,0.7327,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,17,1,0,2,3,12,18,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,10,2,8,10,3,12,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,5,56,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547007278314304,0.0,0.3400180064247314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424531297120689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096516668669396,0.21111518570268648,0.0,0.26990031874231296,0.1848173932596382,0.0,0.19523467334326505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611866864423552,0.17137230471503462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158732605643039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027541593409542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431589642669862,0.0,0.0,0.36083320113776907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019729181914415,0.0,0.15758269268469122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100730068078222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135615931109999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514169594546453,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TooMuchTumeric,2019/03/10,"Spiraling downwards I thought I was getting better. It's not. I reached out for help from my primary care physician but he was on vacation like he always is when I need him. When he finally came back, he said he'd refer me to a psychiatrist. I didn't feel at risk when I reached out to him but I'm getting worse. It's been a week. I don't think it'd make a difference if I'm gone. My boyfriend is losing his patience with me, I can tell. He doesn't deserve putting up with me. ",0.04382352941176393,2.220147598039216,2.185784313725492,94.53102941176472,87.72549019607844,5.752941176470588,25.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.0890431372549028,373,17,86,6,12,125,65,102,0.107,0.772,0.12,0.059,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,3,0,11,1,0,1,0,15,24,6,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,8,2,17,3,11,14,0,15,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,1,7,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055324164538327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18993572843761874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846060027036912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825140603764095,0.25184353584994984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580732644605427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489586552645113,0.0,0.0,0.27058778791379906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581054479839032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556584508207955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067679040848195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27634142260333866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488134086475534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315506041195467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831364781113074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349634278480941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589795188015207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827427204423108,0.0,0.1960986434325067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813682036691596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517246709724521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fried-Penguin,2019/03/10,I can't go on. Everyday is painful - there is no benefit to stay alive. I have no motivation or benefit to. The only reasonable next step is suicide.,1.035,3.6375958620689666,4.327155172413793,76.95211206896555,90.3793103448276,9.796551724137933,31.38793103448276,9.516144504307137,4.323406896551724,116,7,22,5,4,42,23,29,0.289,0.441,0.27,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,3,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,15,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219876070418262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154087020696468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970697383867387,0.4156271107724793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016029862366559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163288024188128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272542072498859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trapkunv3,2019/03/10,I just want to die already Honestly If there was a button that would kill instantly I would push it as fast as I can. I’m sick of all of the things in my life that I’ve had to deal with over the past year and not even my parents believe that there are problems in the house I live in and they just want to put me on medication. While medication might help it wouldn’t solve the fundamental issues within my house and I’m just tired of it already. I work my ass off in sports and school and then I come home and deal with issues and I want to kill myself again. I don’t know what to do at this point in my life and I’ve been seriously considering killing myself ,1.998547619047617,3.6285868071428595,3.2885714285714305,92.26476190476193,77.35714285714286,6.666666666666666,20.952380952380953,7.492282038375204,0.3979523809523804,523,13,122,7,12,170,80,140,0.208,0.718,0.07400000000000001,-0.9761,1,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,1,1,8,6,3,0,5,0,11,7,1,0,1,26,18,13,4,8,5,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,9,11,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,17,1,22,11,1,20,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,2,6,84,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925641846205492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934853761430752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418779371480345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733249037057195,0.0,0.0,0.13757525675457108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755393310847273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885146674193496,0.0,0.13296743022688334,0.0,0.0,0.30591045010199475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767141977779516,0.0,0.0,0.43997049785156295,0.0,0.07285092956356434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726060645072606,0.0,0.0,0.11705197720012732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267078382752353,0.0,0.14062409273607118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719102134614045,0.0,0.12654251254644694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531105004740092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684100807554904,0.0,0.13325835294786462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415672952222168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806627299437059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235700729368956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456010108053116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650449087177697,0.0,0.0,0.18833214272995616,0.0,0.0,0.08536361459019659
suicidewatch,Unregistered_576,2019/03/10,"I dont know why ... I have been really depressed for one and a half years. My family is loving, I have a few really nice friends, and they know my troubles, I go to therapy and take my meds. I am a privileged 19yo piece of shit that has everything one might need in life. Even though we aren't exactly wealthy I get things like a car or an Oculus. Without any qualifications or even having to write a CV I get a job in a realestate management thingy.

Thing is, I hate every single day. I dont think the good things in life are worth this agony, day in day out. It's now gotten to a point where I am even less able to influence my actions throughout the day and usually just end up laying in bed for hours. Even if I distract myself with games or friends or idk, I wish I was dead and I keep dragging my friends down with it. I know what they and my family would have to go through if I did it, and its what kept me from doing it for the last year or so, but now its so much worse.

The one thing that I could imagine making life worth it is a person I really love, but she does not exist. I'd rather not go into detail with that though.

I keep crying and having mental breakdowns all over the course of a day, in my car, at work, in my room, while playing games with friends ... 

I really think this isn't worth it. Not a single day more.",2.639767043508052,3.749245100719428,3.8347276464542652,91.14797362110313,74.61151079136691,7.309626584446727,22.23090099349092,7.793537801064563,0.7032656389174372,1030,25,236,14,21,336,148,278,0.101,0.772,0.127,0.8059999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,2,1,13,16,2,1,17,0,23,6,1,2,2,49,44,22,1,7,15,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,2,1,19,15,0,3,6,3,3,6,8,5,0,4,5,0,34,11,30,36,8,37,0,1,0,2,14,16,1,8,16,169,53,4,0.09508770777724126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466290198496202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591979730292532,0.0,0.10444938201852287,0.3679422306391535,0.0,0.08189890337515479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321189386061882,0.0,0.22288417067726451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421948556369528,0.0,0.0,0.25121813677334986,0.0,0.08011549490153386,0.0,0.08545870045939254,0.0,0.17928045660621467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29385810861375583,0.0,0.09935880542640184,0.0,0.16212160688067553,0.07975505787781127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387942536108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364223820046537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435987769490566,0.1690366473773485,0.0,0.0,0.15677315230794125,0.07750917302574829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148978024200767,0.04645505095431697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164073748187167,0.0,0.06347178330946023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562100735124813,0.0,0.09582604457190667,0.1008730313657945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699004061481553,0.07050633046485404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933016750372348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302691872722077,0.0,0.0,0.08988861891280832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436624818480549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760616558626048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149412243724196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874108081918002,0.0,0.252688191480892,0.12185672734059373,0.18684638020895467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472567622646396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580186632212995,0.0,0.10934617122235336,0.09166115708449556,0.0,0.06922498375096546,0.0,0.09690249779515196,0.06754757940533583,0.0,0.0,0.12246673247116685
suicidewatch,Kkbow38,2019/03/10,"Suicide hotline did nothing but make me feel worse I called them during a really bad crisis episode, and they didn’t help at all. The woman sounded annoyed during the whole thing Bc I was having a panic Attack and couldn’t form complete sentences. She made me feel worse now idk what to do... idk where to go.... I feel horrible....",2.3585714285714303,4.991110253968255,3.0914285714285725,88.92857142857146,81.38095238095238,4.8698412698412685,23.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.6574190476190478,258,9,47,2,7,81,49,63,0.434,0.51,0.056,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,2,1,4,0,6,0,0,2,1,10,12,3,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,4,8,0,3,7,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265984351893387,0.0,0.0,0.1952155089505701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387387223520906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451377082791667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546530473690388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328754762780002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671303783378376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212297909665996,0.15606513406321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243400197824551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743171215044326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978001212911934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557422328058668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532814119694713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26103239224656605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765299010341894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youngandchaotic,2019/03/10,"I have to go to court tomorrow for my suicide attempt because police were called (I’m underage). And I’m just feeling so overwhelmed, not just by this but everything. But this is just sending my panic over the edge. I’m really afraid of going to juvie. I think I’m really close to attempting today.",3.6160344827586215,5.6748561206896575,5.41331034482759,76.91272413793105,74.0,8.777931034482759,28.84137931034483,9.3871,2.9908993103448283,237,10,41,6,5,81,41,58,0.125,0.831,0.044,-0.7678,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,11,4,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,8,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996407788645434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33495536382801805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948122634426992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658618528571673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728540813323071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38487259348846575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202889079961167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35881164057393505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101884150465798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31093413818367244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slaphandboy,2019/03/10,"Brief moments of madness push me a little closer Despite how hard i try to improve and bring good fortune to my family i always seem to slide back down. Just close enough to peer over the edge and briefly consider that all my efforts are ultimately worthless. What if its all meaningless? I cant seem to get out of this hole. There are brief moments when i consider putting a hole through my skull and reality reasserts itself and im back home. The Lexapro helped for a bit but the thoughts of death are coming back to me again. It feels like there’s a parasite in my brain. I’d appreciate it if whatever deity or entity or consciousness or the universe for all i care could come down and say “hey, things will inevitably look up, sorry for being a bitch and tossing you a bad hand.”",5.505789473684208,6.391000105263162,5.63142105263158,81.7609473684211,67.68421052631578,8.974736842105264,32.305263157894736,9.120678840339163,2.68222947368421,624,26,121,11,10,197,103,152,0.136,0.741,0.123,-0.4857,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,10,7,2,0,10,0,7,3,3,1,3,27,17,14,1,3,7,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,8,10,0,0,5,0,0,8,1,4,0,0,1,5,12,3,19,13,5,24,0,1,1,0,4,9,1,7,8,81,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503957095435449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169490994010018,0.15091592044898205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732855169903124,0.0,0.0,0.20177306129218706,0.0,0.0,0.18428327716672493,0.0,0.0,0.3113945052372465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431150926235795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675962772107685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039187532900993,0.0,0.0913909476616554,0.12912545784090626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443267552715474,0.0,0.0,0.15160173212435818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191351490609826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211506835608542,0.0,0.18130364814466413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952374209094508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830369355871433,0.18115564814517668,0.0,0.0,0.1517816813849072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170032686931176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373700737886294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329089961723641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233110017957648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008005678638098,0.0,0.0,0.14349266713449615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271512505133285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imlosingitxx,2019/03/10,"I always love harder I’m so tired of men showing interest in me, making me and believe they love me and then leaving me when I fall for them. I’ve always been the one to love more...to care more...to put in the most effort. Always. 

I’ve been seeing this guy, a coworker of mine, for the past 2 months and I thought he really liked me. He even told me he loved me. I feel so strongly about him. And then he just cuts all communication without any explanation. He sees me at work and hardly acknowledges me. As if I meant absolutely nothing to him. 

I can’t take this pain anymore. My heart just keeps breaking. I can’t stand to be alive. Life is really a chore. A burden. I don’t care about myself I just wish I would just drop dead. Please God...let me die today.",0.10500000000000044,2.4140172547770717,2.2027101910828044,93.25196337579621,89.828025477707,5.178216560509553,17.404140127388533,6.742157984588678,-0.04496407643312095,587,15,130,8,20,196,97,157,0.131,0.647,0.221,0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,3,10,12,1,0,6,0,8,8,1,1,1,21,25,12,2,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,5,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,5,4,27,9,14,18,2,14,0,0,2,4,16,3,0,2,7,76,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34189934287659696,0.0,0.0,0.09314138348643128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135833186270246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431345900644716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792913510528325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421487888841849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046456351972472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925398125878157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561759234355594,0.0,0.0,0.12269437853258025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230503266613835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174142138173576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502691672522489,0.0,0.1400567240984742,0.09674293561441692,0.06691453032565724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944676239680917,0.0,0.09142567884084388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093247276082164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142229827882054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281151371461646,0.0,0.14574117839325895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074927370790854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034722589636118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376883745456708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754874894753659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182878849348528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298117267458323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873547911216593,0.0,0.15742194182092492,0.12982748358075474,0.1308766109667111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750381368536054,0.13203006238109272,0.0,0.0997126723432568,0.0,0.0,0.09729651475332324,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alligator_monday,2019/03/10,"I haven’t felt this awful in a long time I recently quit my job because my depression has gotten to an all time low. Tried making it through the work day, but couldn’t. I could barely talk. It was an extremely stressful job, but I probably shouldn’t have left without notice like that. Luckily my old job said they will have me back. So here’s what’s killing me:

I sat next to this girl who I got along with really well. We would go to lunch together almost every day, we talked all the time, and we even hung out outside of work a couple times. One time all we did was just talk for a couple hours straight. It was a lot of fun and I always have such a good time with her. She genuinely makes me happy, and I’ve never met someone quite like her. We just get along so well and we’re so similar. I’ve never had so much chemistry with someone before. So I guess you could say I like her, a lot.

However, she has a boyfriend. So I’ve been acting just as a friend, but now after I just quit my job I’m afraid she’s never going to talk to me again. I just want her in my life still, whether that’s just as friends or more. I can get over liking her, but I could still really use someone like her in my life as a friend. 

We texted briefly about me quitting and she said some people were asking if I was okay, but other than that we haven’t texted since. I’m just super afraid to lose her, she’s an amazing friend. And I’m a little scared to text her because I feel like she hates me now and is just going to ignore me/ghost me. A few people did that to me at another job that I quit in the past. I might be overthinking things, but I just can’t stop worrying.

I’ve been talking to a few friends about this and they’ve been helpful, but I still can’t get this off my mind. I haven’t felt this kind of pain since my breakup with my ex a couple years ago. It hurts so fucking much. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get my mind off her. It’s like this sickening feeling all over my body and it feels like the whole world hates me. I am now crying multiple times a day, and I’m someone who doesn’t usually cry much. And it’s like uncontrollable crying. I can’t stand it. 

And on top of that, this situation reminds me once again that I’ll likely never find someone who I like and who also likes me. Similar things have happened to me before and I’m sick of it. The main reason I left was because the job itself was extremely stressful, but at the same time I’ve been really suppressing feelings for her since I’m always around her, so the combination of the stress of the job and me liking someone who has a boyfriend is what made me impulsively quit like that. 

The pain is so bad that I’m likely going to see a therapist again. Didn’t work out so well with the last one. I’ve been thinking about killing myself and what would be the best method. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet. There’s no fucking reason for me to be here. I’m a waste of space and clearly do not fit in here.

Is there ANYTHING that helps ease this kind of pain? Should I do anything? I don’t normally make these kind of posts but I’m hurting so much and I could use any advice or feedback. I’ve been drinking heavily and consuming cannabis edibles heavily but it’s not helping and obviously isn’t the best way to cope with things. I’d appreciate any sort of feedback. Thank you for reading.

TL;DR - I quit my job because my depression got so bad, and now I’m worried that my favorite coworker hates me. And the depression has gotten so bad that the suicidal thoughts are back worse than before.",2.6919391316487484,4.02203277462888,3.7882677183675386,90.65778340080972,74.82995951417004,7.107645772255572,24.11189445762949,7.691903868010439,0.9571565265950016,2790,84,621,37,58,904,270,741,0.214,0.65,0.13699999999999998,-0.997,9,0,2,0,0,1,71.0,7,2,1,15,51,64,7,8,36,2,61,11,1,8,10,121,115,54,3,13,28,1,6,15,5,6,6,3,0,1,45,40,2,3,13,2,0,5,23,29,3,2,29,10,89,35,64,72,19,72,0,7,1,2,52,24,2,11,55,407,134,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199867531394485,0.038098375506321135,0.0,0.04303735645362403,0.0,0.0,0.03437036764484723,0.07152410192254988,0.0,0.0,0.05845451836473961,0.0450673297055912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073626811240988,0.03826050765056133,0.0401796531272451,0.0,0.0,0.06609654396077952,0.10765725008401723,0.1047986323259014,0.0,0.1097161357322272,0.0,0.09020781957156017,0.0,0.0,0.04774008685344543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372612440661331,0.14266665716717766,0.14163155685791876,0.0831538842900274,0.0,0.11105349754891224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210315189168149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028387287646378268,0.0,0.03621174216021898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692608951664366,0.06140854972152559,0.08253334460847489,0.0,0.03928211522810696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602771526733748,0.07946696362697797,0.08981921531834275,0.0,0.0977040431305465,0.03604882670192867,0.06874861877583648,0.0,0.04734631989003951,0.0,0.03800627276446702,0.04575204702024331,0.0,0.1272988783069927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642394652040497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042325752205471794,0.0,0.09202002263753917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34120096898182456,0.0,0.09510000396333948,0.1342683444443233,0.04724037446187136,0.035033699687055934,0.0,0.0,0.09339382739426087,0.0,0.06071481327476287,0.31496123114481706,0.043076345332942134,0.0,0.03803514759911916,0.0,0.04808261493909724,0.0,0.07307858116031757,0.0,0.0406678599464429,0.08606664120878295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559402906051197,0.08679327025040873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637832356612574,0.0,0.13259251404151412,0.0,0.04570875631828606,0.0,0.04211038887831537,0.0,0.048931985804127824,0.04509933152313548,0.04577133468930611,0.058247495686819764,0.0,0.13719836559216375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102841043932267,0.05959258736317044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04116209357017925,0.0,0.04633873486753217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31999491392808915,0.04299072688080413,0.0,0.08260052856484201,0.08837933795382855,0.042436672388628034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176592506152765,0.03417870229480011,0.04302957298707392,0.0,0.034248775090890096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665825734995273,0.04831030480029222,0.0,0.0,0.21849629205584334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296948505616707,0.03593244883870797,0.14769722820683334,0.0,0.0,0.04701215537336837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272484723830814,0.0,0.03956937729007355,0.0,0.04990204321699895,0.08566020513339159,0.027539269378345964,0.0,0.034120601513218926,0.20049165264314292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029179985048272617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742402792545387,0.04733540234293282,0.0,0.025350184445691662,0.034114805993361884,0.0,0.0,0.11593010700036678,0.0,0.0,0.047984625953793915,0.0,0.041430314953812206,0.0,0.09386788157707493,0.08729471674389559,0.04379937076032528,0.06106223351623105,0.0,0.0,0.02767712878077413
suicidewatch,_c__o_n_f_u_s__d_,2019/03/10,"Im worried about my friend She just started texting me about how her dad was yelling at her and when her mom asked why he screemed and ran out of the house


She said she doesn't want to live or deal with this anymore and I'm scared as she hasn't texted back in four minutes 

I tried to help but now I'm incredibly worried if she's ok ",1.7512785388127874,3.1120293561643844,2.409794520547944,99.45569634703196,77.35616438356166,5.414611872146119,24.495433789954337,5.46131890053228,0.0669378995433787,265,9,66,1,6,82,57,73,0.102,0.8059999999999999,0.092,0.0744,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,11,10,9,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,2,11,2,10,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,2,4,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799569249618766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434892114965926,0.0,0.0,0.18452982013509284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474088602335631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540796598322395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608535469594128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769047195010025,0.0,0.0,0.25921959934067057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190675181467203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810616957224268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827595121669705,0.0,0.24026186205760444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698590913359872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629306789685571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154643180528986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165446390082143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874227127231768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pikachuuuuu,2019/03/10,"Does anyone else feel like they're living in a constant state of cognitive dissonance? I try so hard to be a good person and do what's right and I feel like all I hear about is how much I screw up. I don't like to say ""no one gets me"" because I feel it's cliche but really...not many people get me, ha.  I'm...weird.  That's all there is to it.  I'm kind of just a weird person.  I've been told by quite a few people I'm the weirdest person they've ever met.  And they find it endearing when it's the silly stuff, the talking to myself and doing silly voices and using funny words and being overly excitable and flighty.  But then as soon as any of the less pleasant stuff happens, as soon as the oversensitivity comes out, or my tendency to be a bit blunt at times, people just check right out.

I kind of communicate weirdly and poorly.  I've been told my way of writing, especially when writing casually, is very all over the place and like a stream of consciousness.  Some people love it because they say it makes me seem really ""real"" and that it's like a peek inside my head.  It causes a lot of misunderstandings though because it means I'm not always very clear on what I'm saying because it's coming out just as I think of it.  And my head is a jumbled mess, it moves at the speed of light, I think far more quickly than I can convey to words.  

I try so hard to be a nice person and always do the right thing and I feel like I am...I think. I did at one pont.  And rationally I know that a lot of people do recognize that.  But when you hear so much about your screw ups and how terrible people think you are it's hard not to take it to heart.  And it's not that I'm mean or malicious in any way, I'm not.  Not at all.  I can't stand meanness, I can't stand fighting, I hate confrontation.  People just don't understand me.

I don't know.  Just so much shit lately.  My relationship is kind of in this weird stasis right now because it had turned abusive and I finally said enough is enough and that's...I don't know.  A whole stressful situation.  My parents are quite cruel to me on occasion because they refuse to understand why I act the way I do and would rather just call me lazy and useless.  My friend group is...fine.  But they don't really actually get me either, if I ever get emotional or frustrated they tend to be like ""lol you crazy"".  I mean they can be supportive but they often just don't get it...they're kind of assholes really, not always the best for dealing with serious shit.  And like...I don't know.  It's just everyone.  

The other day I'd made a passing mention of wishing I'd just die in my sleep and one of my fellow mods of *a community for vulnerable people who need friends* of all people was pretty dismissive about it, as if she thought I was just being dramatic.  Something about ""some of us actually have those thoughts every day.""  Oh okay lady.  We'll just ignore all the time I've spent in hospitals for actually trying, all the meds I take and therapy I've been through to try to get over it.  Christ.  She wasn't the first one from that group to say something of that effect either.  

I don't know.  I just try so so so damn hard and it feels like the things I do right are barely recognized compared to the things I do wrong...or the things people misunderstand.  I feel like nothing I do is ever right or enough.  People get upset with me so easily...there's only so long you can tell yourself ""they just don't understand you"" before you think ""nah maybe I really am just a terrible, worthless human.""",2.1832740788623184,4.127455799719886,3.799322128851543,87.38813639301874,77.8375350140056,6.914854557207497,22.049041154923504,7.882392219407189,0.9782383365653952,2747,79,576,45,65,914,282,714,0.153,0.732,0.114,-0.9866,1,0,2,0,2,0,100.0,2,7,8,5,43,49,10,2,32,3,51,9,6,7,11,126,112,57,1,6,34,1,10,9,3,2,0,8,0,5,39,31,0,2,29,1,3,5,19,22,0,5,16,19,70,27,72,87,25,59,1,2,0,3,52,27,5,12,30,374,109,0,0.0,0.056541570318283385,0.13970640860270514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912306077111018,0.0,0.0,0.06490381989042955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033367626108130585,0.04889579414696834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454163717855353,0.0,0.04060704807685066,0.0,0.050080235351939915,0.0,0.05209896197008405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872846680115362,0.0,0.0,0.049022602569223424,0.0,0.08221481557718284,0.0,0.051569437510580234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155218199414205,0.04919824575764565,0.0,0.0,0.049526853939880884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176096035039647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986476411777072,0.05367969121419943,0.0,0.14792561935529386,0.0,0.0,0.12949910388760344,0.0402069926642872,0.04559945143659309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477499983570502,0.170459425650771,0.0,0.05227601248133055,0.04361612075514208,0.04059145011940976,0.0,0.0,0.0737382377272713,0.0,0.1745257353820974,0.0,0.0,0.0400261027030311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219951427569157,0.0,0.17099453642981075,0.04711459838648733,0.09795100746603587,0.0,0.1075700490416244,0.056549603480003825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877627230169687,0.13113104176559426,0.0,0.05383135583537898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331406546555016,0.0,0.042138508878140656,0.04223157487802063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114135916546128,0.043070057055182284,0.0451547550323384,0.031854131701355,0.048381594235609234,0.04794214906880262,0.2079285940582864,0.053007262490054864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071986067489952,0.1052412565390931,0.035384509766436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578957740260263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934791269810034,0.036293963646116485,0.0,0.0,0.05298851252356447,0.0,0.0,0.3639209877822456,0.1666725127920203,0.04985827815087827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854940331842037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151429492511088,0.0,0.05431693461447827,0.12228515385528985,0.0,0.0,0.05123448468758045,0.0,0.24452079073344354,0.04539358993819835,0.15179858802281648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344339745301177,0.0,0.0,0.09796982190622006,0.0,0.053640392724564834,0.0477554540031986,0.0,0.0,0.07347589980799041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466423335624999,0.0,0.10925823389293683,0.0,0.05415321447124611,0.0,0.0,0.07176049177270459,0.03835632450448656,0.041710249062592575,0.0,0.05457311153325628,0.0,0.12681482244740785,0.15288841903488926,0.046885630848585234,0.07577027190092883,0.055652986615550036,0.0,0.0,0.0911989028731862,0.0,0.16199710022082134,0.05190673420898054,0.0,0.14903770216551504,0.057402475810354237,0.04121561384943623,0.0,0.07874962977592767,0.0,0.11363610302838748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043060771378071835,0.0532787816500649,0.05487678394308815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033899622451045955,0.052175411717379584,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkOphantom,2019/03/10,"i feel like my life is going no where so i just turned 18 today i fell like i did noting with my life and noting will change.

as i said before im 18 but dont even have my high school diploma cuz my greedy ass father wasted my school money on something else(his work pays for the school fees but he wasted it on something else,and i forget to mention i didn't see him till 6 years ago cuz he didnt want to see me and yeah he divorced my mom) so because he wasted the money  im staying at home doing not.he keeps asking me to find a uni but i cant cuz i dont have a high school diploma,and every time i ask him to pay for the it he keeps ignoring or i will pay for it later, it has been almost 1 year with same bs. and if tell to find a job an pay for it myself  its 5k dollars and i cant find a job cuz its really competitive where i live and they wont hire and 18 year old guy. for everyone who thinks my father doesn't have the money he just paid for 2 wedding of my brother and sister and he choose the most expensive stuff so he will look better then other people and have face, cuz of this and more stuff he did to me i fell like i wasted my life for noting,and don't know what to do with myself ",0.6439606741573058,2.1521765842696645,2.7142930711610482,95.4172823033708,80.91011235955057,5.199063670411985,17.11750936329588,5.7366,-0.6186827715355805,936,16,224,5,24,316,131,267,0.145,0.7959999999999999,0.06,-0.9707,2,0,2,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,8,5,0,0,10,1,23,5,2,5,0,40,38,26,0,2,7,5,1,3,0,4,3,1,1,1,13,13,0,3,7,0,11,3,10,1,0,0,7,5,32,4,24,27,3,21,0,0,3,1,26,7,1,4,13,135,45,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928033794736413,0.0,0.10483418438262193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574627772086167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381943530929288,0.0,0.0890854097532326,0.0,0.0,0.09259180397920448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075053863423713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539711852687546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914825613068876,0.0,0.08820775175936005,0.10003794927578936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052935556728884316,0.07479217771092585,0.0,0.0,0.2870605109215062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594990289628538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366180575397173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122625986995126,0.10501488163846126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261712310592337,0.0,0.20778184489743345,0.18611059756194767,0.0,0.0,0.05753613296365581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218417366013768,0.15344206289618867,0.0,0.09244519135434114,0.0,0.08791513832531653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261431984082892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985692491415218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258043716277149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706854815769013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995863218661288,0.0,0.0,0.4238166608992874,0.16685236727429073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119444656490148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158802873405392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396952006175398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915056573828803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670825785241534,0.0,0.0,0.061046903818943635,0.0,0.09923602942590236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387512525431025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061750212589772785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621721852627522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022551658054444
suicidewatch,DepressedLemon666,2019/03/10,I have no one left to give this to so bye Well no offence you all knew this was coming it was only a matter of time. I’m sorry please stay strong if I’m honest I’m kind of just fed up of myself and the things I do and yes it’s come to this unfortunate end but your will realise it’s released a burden you don’t need as I’m not worth the pain I bring on others I don’t want to go into detail as that will cause more upset but none of you could have stopped this and none of you were  the reason I’m sorry to leave you all like this but bye,0.2355571847507321,1.5849785967741925,2.414428152492672,97.83027859237538,81.58064516129029,4.8316715542522,15.3049853372434,4.851557810540192,-1.1328612903225808,422,5,107,1,11,143,74,124,0.17600000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.4933,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,6,0,1,3,8,0,1,5,1,11,2,0,2,2,22,25,10,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,6,1,1,2,0,1,4,7,3,1,1,5,0,11,5,15,17,5,12,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,6,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934230730237327,0.0,0.3510837508690677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270494537725916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049214151173595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954881859231001,0.11581514584724095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122096813497536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577783646507728,0.22141191693461645,0.0,0.0,0.09955857097274802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511032570498319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808931528436402,0.15498691812817886,0.2168405484145448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236936415321336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952389659717446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562390175407254,0.0,0.21720663425799724,0.0,0.17037255243749133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538503741102836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188280916941932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019708559693527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832262933396941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostNeighborhood5,2019/03/10,"I suck at being alive. I've tried killing myself so many times, yet I failed, why am I still alive? Why am I in a world where my best friend was raped? Why do my parents fuck me over? Why have I been unemployed for fucking months? Why do I have an eating disorder? Why do people fuck me over? Do the words ""I love you"" even mean anything? Can I actually meet real people for once?  I can actually meet someone who will hold me, love me  and kiss me? Is it so much to ask to not want to be lonely? I've tried to put myself out there and fucked myself over I dropped out of high school TWICE and collage once 'cause I wanted to die. SO WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE? I failed everything to fucking die and I'm still alive. WHY AM I ALIVE? I suck at being alive so I'm better off dead. But I'm alive. FUCK.",-0.8112348855158231,1.3260715502958649,1.1703267301260638,99.75920504244922,93.85207100591715,4.12256238744533,15.040133779264215,5.7926816847441245,-0.9012363776691537,608,13,146,5,23,199,88,169,0.284,0.544,0.173,-0.9808,3,2,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,4,11,20,11,0,4,0,19,12,0,1,0,15,37,9,4,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,14,0,1,2,0,26,6,18,31,2,19,0,3,0,11,9,12,9,0,5,89,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.16634833806881852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013870066192053,0.0,0.07968044508407507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944575990692086,0.0753808066043665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755677581394009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769147870540158,0.0,0.09768329361681627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087213647639532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629495374760527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766010551862721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585005702711294,0.5515694856619873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900523220975881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429661599241072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538504743622771,0.0,0.0,0.08641190344854753,0.0,0.09284267022319746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803139533008619,0.0,0.06265535094863693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815386662789807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464008576836737,0.0,0.0,0.11817831950344207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568173409626233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701271286494356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625936740073882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221682470766247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613282280577946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969948367789313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573391083440822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054412232973912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152692200462077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway73727272,2019/03/10,14 and about to clock out everyone’s disappointed in me. i’m ready to go,-0.3562499999999993,1.8152458750000025,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,90.25,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,1.64135,58,2,14,2,2,21,15,16,0.17600000000000002,0.682,0.142,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8594717020596495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111833265656157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mind_Youu,2019/03/10,I'm not sure why I came on here to post somthing 5hat is the benefit of posting it on reddit? What am I seeking to gain from this? Idk I just know that I tried for years.... if only weed was legal that always seemed to fix everything.. it made life seem ok... but I'm not sure it will ever be legal here and I can't wait another 2 years I have to many mental problems and I just can't deal with being alone anymore im in my 20s and I feel as if im wasting all of my youth I have no friends or family I truly am alone and its starting to get to me. ,-0.6545966228893079,1.1018214390243912,2.106504065040653,96.81202626641651,86.64227642276423,5.085428392745467,18.404627892432767,6.297961479604792,-0.2687218261413382,419,11,104,4,13,146,82,123,0.16,0.721,0.119,-0.6351,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,1,11,1,0,1,4,25,22,9,0,3,8,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,1,13,5,15,16,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,5,5,65,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407650070173124,0.0,0.0,0.13688530349858602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250283299749433,0.0,0.0,0.16314948228338924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815534583046806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696023446309887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488085012566145,0.0,0.0,0.14785076958052984,0.0,0.15508516591925506,0.0,0.08318108040221038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709983674122075,0.0,0.08594956258360155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553975535150952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904102648167802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619811250444573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566311779586942,0.0,0.16678708138834925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578715051426215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251170897567343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151097612993452,0.0,0.0,0.15741362805442105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995270239131109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644085874805132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100970141813855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169133206991548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484444755066292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118777906350062
suicidewatch,throwawaybae3919,2019/03/10,"Would I die if I took a handful of pills and a bath? Serious inquiry please don’t try and change my mind.

I previously tried by taking a lot of sleeping pills and painkillers. I was out cold for days but at some point I started throwing up and someone found me.

I have rx anti vomiting meds now. If I took a bunch of sleep aids, narcotic rx etc and the anti vomiting pills + got in the bath tub - would I die/drown? Seems like I would fall asleep and slip under water and be too out of it to lift my own head out. 

If not - What could potentially go wrong? 

Thank you ",2.012051282051281,3.631863410256415,3.2943675213675228,92.28257692307696,77.2905982905983,6.731282051282051,22.81111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.7197870085470086,437,13,100,6,10,142,81,117,0.123,0.8059999999999999,0.071,-0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,8,13,5,0,0,24,17,11,1,7,5,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,2,0,2,10,1,0,2,2,0,5,2,2,0,0,5,2,13,2,14,7,5,16,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,6,4,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572376526185018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262638319424344,0.0,0.0,0.1071280680570977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447946771427498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852580463958881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213250329305467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440489886289724,0.0,0.1328544079557666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704781512876575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115360693854154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122191554070684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451224439437328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772509381258624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823403618812379,0.1570289020815401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512215193092818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324625942286917,0.0,0.14074559381941631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757445681873276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489504997838625,0.0,0.0,0.15293299812152086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691116070850852,0.2255573832188143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540021760454753,0.18161666658376088,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,not_aishwarya,2019/03/10,"I now know for sure that I'm going to kill myself. I've been thinking about it since a very long time and I've even told people about it but they've always discouraged me or talked me out of it.  I don't want any of it now, I don't want any of those meds that don't seem to work, I don't want people telling me to be strong, I don't want any of the guilt that comes from living this life everyday. I'm done. And the best thing is, I don't even know why I'm so miserable. Am I even miserable? I'm the youngest child, so privileged. My loving parents look after all my needs and demands. My brother loves the shit out of me. I've got the best friend god could ever give someone. And yet I want to die. I don't know what's wrong but something does feel wrong, I swear I'm not lying. I'm not creating problems. I can't even explain it to someone. I've got a list of things to do before I leave and thankfully within the next 30 days I'll be gone. ",0.3908653846153847,2.1033548173076966,2.2515769230769247,97.44342307692308,82.55769230769229,5.506153846153847,19.053846153846152,6.508806274219699,-0.19232192307692264,734,18,180,7,20,243,108,208,0.153,0.589,0.258,0.9879,1,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,4,12,18,2,3,8,0,16,4,1,0,3,32,46,10,2,8,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,13,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,10,9,0,0,6,2,20,9,20,37,3,16,0,3,1,2,11,3,1,2,10,100,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971838135654447,0.0,0.0,0.23827630947264025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938498299652763,0.0,0.2451408597588789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060960393793143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932522799624166,0.0,0.0,0.07532390127582776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121603932822292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220916148566073,0.11952308651682796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085712140214371,0.10564887006460452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059055679487638964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023647186627927,0.0,0.0,0.11204157931879187,0.06637798488173376,0.0,0.18682521752534667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921771552272215,0.0,0.19256444839121564,0.0,0.0,0.1236703357053479,0.0,0.0,0.08249662610716478,0.0,0.0,0.10313320437445199,0.10336098165090217,0.098079411115712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108263018768415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297342735009059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660291914896738,0.0,0.0,0.12421410777460315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968838331215576,0.0,0.0,0.16194358948976684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175821136751278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063268945087482,0.0,0.0,0.11988964410679795,0.09661504228544104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792212080611812,0.08991543831567826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007905758749377,0.0,0.0,0.0938763795751228,0.10208504656682732,0.10753026971588864,0.0,0.0,0.15518844104095708,0.07483830342649678,0.0,0.0,0.06810481665676141,0.0,0.0,0.11160379590015918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636911554678093,0.3444471909185916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539042441912323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502904109953459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553966689011669,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HighSerotoninLobster,2019/03/10,"Disconnected from everything Can you imagine the feeling of there being nobody in the world left who cares whether you live or die? Just nobody who you're close enough to to make any difference in their lives. Nobody you can do anything of value for. Nobody you can really believe is happy to see you. Maybe there are people you happen to care about, but you somehow can't reach out to them or touch them in any way. And if you try you just end up being a negative influence and a burden on their lives.

Just imagine standing there in the middle of everything realizing that you're not connected to any of it. You're a completely irrelevant and superfluous part of the machine that might as well not exist. What were the engineers thinking when they put you there? Maybe they knew something you don't know but maybe it was just a really comic mistake. You might as well disappear right now and all traces of your existence might be erased from history and for all you know nobody in the world would be any worse off.

I'm really trying to break out of this depression I've been suffering from for decades. Sometimes making it just through the next 5 minutes, just through the next hour, just through the next day. But I just keep stumbling and falling again and again and I'm doing worse and worse. Supposedly people have beaten this but I've also seen ones who try much harder than me and they still fail and get nowhere.

I've reached a new low point now and I can't really imagine how I'm going to make it out of there. I still really think the world can be a nice place to live in, there are so many amazing people and things around. And I'm often in awe of humanity and what we've managed to build. And I would so much like to be a small part of it all again.

But how is one supposed to live with this feeling indefinitely? Just how is that possible?",4.754075015893196,6.052943107438018,5.068223140495867,83.59296408137321,69.71625344352617,8.44962915872007,27.18467895740623,8.841846274778883,1.929947743165925,1480,48,292,26,26,468,171,363,0.14300000000000002,0.785,0.07200000000000001,-0.986,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,14,7,2,35,15,1,0,17,0,29,0,0,7,3,73,51,34,1,4,20,0,3,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,17,22,0,1,11,1,0,4,6,7,2,2,5,5,26,8,50,35,8,47,0,4,2,0,25,25,0,9,16,210,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717799821791913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22850250373300904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912816502720946,0.0747814030191621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464378352242056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129542905019238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807663478529222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054175654528637526,0.0,0.07235255416839627,0.0,0.08718292811106627,0.08776633955078192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440264326091428,0.08679862614661739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099482409003048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494993051834901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043888642310574134,0.0,0.047741430227989934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428449268926816,0.08942385967328569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272705534057748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466664803673015,0.0,0.0,0.09233284392549104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127063223597634,0.0,0.0,0.041040129379650264,0.0,0.3708855194688852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822004144644942,0.08516690878976599,0.2531800389034863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673450253390596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350526597555307,0.0,0.0,0.08113162261287635,0.2680177397770837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384661932861387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193637235906046,0.0,0.17471346694851655,0.0,0.08776633955078192,0.0,0.0794109676807257,0.09470193013112294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444725948052256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690756864588473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173898879872387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669403416278748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467041192069048,0.0830821407918461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341714652784688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580854965202632,0.10765279023709684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109968131507408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667849468204046,0.0,0.0,0.15105943588670293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568218717896861,0.11934811570019688,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThomasMertonMegaMonk,2019/03/10,"I do not feel like a real person and I do not feel there will ever be a resolution to that fact. To be honest I do not feel like I am a real person. I never have since I was a young. I have never felt like I can actually connect with other humans. I have only had one serious relationship, many years ago now with an amazing woman. It ended because she said I did not love myself. She was right, and I still don't. I don't feel like I belong on this planet, and more and more, as I continue to have strained relations with more people I feel like that is something that is not going to change.
If I did not feel an incredible sense of obligation to my cats I would not be here. But I am not sure a cat is entirely eorth living for either. Just another example thst I have no real human relationships.",2.699972027972027,4.068968927272731,5.093333333333334,81.1523076923077,74.87878787878788,7.986013986013986,22.995337995338,8.617729084823388,1.4738205128205122,623,17,127,12,13,220,92,165,0.141,0.813,0.045,-0.8744,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,7,0,26,1,0,0,5,35,36,7,0,2,12,0,7,5,0,2,0,1,0,5,6,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,13,2,0,1,7,8,23,9,12,24,4,13,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,1,15,102,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.12422562200335435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284302906094472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348427401644547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760038949125837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466563739920814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274927587650327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514938283942865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861976966912971,0.3637701959059572,0.1222271616621274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234704913154888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31095970967098635,0.0,0.11240749500405238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489246658573933,0.0,0.0,0.12906137300811166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636192772534145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626120879385679,0.0968167513716758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825321261432009,0.22230544159929666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346829576221456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733433258499544,0.0,0.10871279143677703,0.1210906572168954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053031848364377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980011165614526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166127768059936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199779565744027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042967448907392,0.0,0.0,0.08197648865144448
suicidewatch,honeycomb712,2019/03/10,"im 16 and im ready to end it i don't know how to do these stupid things and i don't know what to say. ive had chronic depression since i was eight, ive been physically (not so much since i dragged CPS in), emotionally and mentally abused by my dad for my entire life and my mom stands to the side and does nothing, i was raped and abused by my ex boyfriend, sexually abused by as a child and im only realizing that now during therapy, ive lost every single friend but two in two months and im going to lose my only two friends because every morning i wake up it feels like a mistake and i cant even respond to them, im failing college, my boyfriend lives on the other side of the world and i feel so fucming pathetic bevause he deserves so much better than this. ive spend the last half an hour cutting to try and build up to fucking end it but i cant do it. every morning i wake up mourning the person that i want to be but the entire universe is doing it fucking best to make sure ill never get the opportunity to feel like anything other than a mistake. im so lost and i dont know what to do or if it will ever get better. i know that i need to get away from this house, get on antidepressants, find friends and learn to love myself but ive been trying so fuckinf hard and its gotten me nowhere. i just feel like this fucked up ball of mess and its killing me. i dont know why im posting this. i think it hurts so much that i cant keep it in. or maybe i just want to talk without risking bridges being burnt.",1.761903133903136,3.180017153846155,3.4822905982906,91.53556125356128,77.46153846153847,6.045584045584046,24.652421652421648,6.605766666666668,0.6425156695156695,1185,41,271,10,27,396,159,325,0.193,0.6629999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.9558,0,0,0,0,3,0,21.0,0,0,1,8,12,30,7,1,11,0,25,10,2,2,3,50,52,30,2,6,11,3,5,3,3,1,3,1,0,2,24,15,0,1,13,1,1,1,10,18,0,5,8,6,34,12,36,41,5,24,0,7,0,5,14,13,3,3,11,171,58,3,0.0,0.26271325712815924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608215085277876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944073647349501,0.0,0.0,0.045054758186996016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756382706853905,0.13073451114580276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365844498589275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467900727844315,0.0,0.1732435860867613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313863257971807,0.1309243779233094,0.0,0.0,0.04881675846741625,0.06685569019981162,0.1868167074720819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494841623938097,0.15840363353484213,0.0,0.0,0.06755226336054572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130769891226194,0.2049853944048123,0.15445938317702582,0.0,0.04200467066639975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620870768727871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278631365226046,0.08528204287970775,0.07912202242111782,0.0,0.5588472424106223,0.0,0.0,0.0656944700979664,0.08177029770438407,0.0,0.20309460159974946,0.060246391876090426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052204712404189835,0.1083258572564486,0.0,0.06526375111021905,0.0,0.0,0.08268621606978918,0.16136266295633533,0.0,0.06670652471546074,0.0,0.0493353983929842,0.0,0.07425237787990316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744837444117352,0.0,0.0,0.08656232233830377,0.05899413664890705,0.0,0.1629967304528207,0.05480321682079668,0.05700383225392355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091849385766473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242354194608138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453522965911121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078520515449785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877607876594205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227798237174314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965915837108727,0.0,0.0,0.0594059372912975,0.0,0.0,0.0845223540946003,0.0,0.049102419791529635,0.04735844714573662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035987234349812,0.0,0.21659755002397804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871878882269802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669214314060294,0.0,0.0,0.0712464573411708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CheshmireCat,2019/03/10,"don't know what else to do i don't really know what steps i could take from here and i'm hoping that someone has an answer for me

im completely exhausted. i haven't gone to class in a month. i've been going several days at a time without showering. i can barely get any housework done. i can't leave the house without having an anxiety attack. i can barely sleep because of nightmares waking me up every time i do. i've been drinking myself to blackout almost every night for three weeks because i can't seem to get to sleep or avoid trying to act on my thoughts any other way. 

today my boyfriend and i were talking and i asked him if he was okay and he just kind of sat there staring at me for 10 seconds before he grabbed my face and squeezed as hard as he could. it left bruises on either side and i was supposed to go to a doctor and get a psych referral tomorrow but now i don't want go because i don't want to have the inevitable conversation about the bruises. this is the first time he's been physically abusive or ever even shown signs of being violent and i'm just shellshocked. i thought i'd finally found a partner that wouldn't be violent with me and now im lost. i haven't spoken to any of my friends in two months and ive never been very communicative anyway so i can't really ask them for support. the room i share with him is also the only place i can afford to live right now. i said i'd leave if somebody was abusive toward me ever again but what's the point when every person i get involved with ends up abusing me. 

i don't have the energy to do anything. im so anxious all the time. i was going to try and drag myself out of it by starting therapy and meds again but what's the point when it hasn't worked every other time. i end up on the path to recovery then 6 months later something goes awry and im back where i started. i just don't have the energy to keep going through this cycle. please just tell me what other option there could possibly be because i have no ideas left other than to cut my losses and call it quits right now. im sorry if this doesn't make much sense im just very tired.",2.6007207207207235,4.101283846846851,4.102882882882883,87.61396396396395,75.39639639639641,6.7351351351351365,24.495495495495497,7.3871296695380915,1.05111981981982,1684,54,351,20,36,560,215,444,0.146,0.807,0.047,-0.9924,2,1,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,5,26,14,4,1,19,1,45,8,4,1,4,59,77,30,0,10,16,0,3,0,2,1,3,1,2,2,18,18,1,2,8,1,0,8,18,8,0,4,17,5,44,6,49,53,3,64,0,2,1,0,20,22,0,9,33,231,62,4,0.0,0.2479341230414433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984654694564486,0.0,0.0,0.055780644887698336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423012446947369,0.0,0.05336008495588078,0.07879989979167004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739994830766516,0.0,0.13041739826357446,0.07935296359203327,0.0,0.05363497832024388,0.0,0.170080673994884,0.0,0.05935380993465929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122458523577904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313363925975687,0.0,0.0,0.1670738757702346,0.0,0.0,0.044984266083928616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713941221268606,0.0,0.07138050785973876,0.0,0.06833039985462015,0.0,0.0,0.0582688411149264,0.0,0.12355912746849684,0.0,0.0,0.0460705345921711,0.12618934500084664,0.23507625534600798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640990064302676,0.0,0.05933101098114848,0.0,0.07647946181854019,0.053890218007206364,0.0,0.14577015310208102,0.0,0.19820832985672307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248408648119649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927946923454759,0.0,0.08048443669612106,0.0,0.07874151167100754,0.4520647420771576,0.0,0.0,0.06199877771857513,0.0,0.07263596865860887,0.07666774412913767,0.0,0.0,0.14771458179486105,0.15157149246738633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615922891550675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614254181355272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655999803427383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747874154843806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702612987092458,0.0,0.051275741804594495,0.0,0.05379703831612688,0.0,0.0,0.06545752181035652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304953504500351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060904751232269835,0.07287598841058421,0.07656674394924827,0.1318763614842425,0.07863489349128477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418983220884344,0.0,0.0,0.08936982769618196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191356445544334,0.06635011991870565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349959618985197,0.0,0.07879989979167004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960473732958156,0.0,0.059100638677985436,0.05369849322373793,0.0,0.07808164728428194,0.0987416415908535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791537368831678,0.0,0.0,0.052444819202739766,0.05606401110769868,0.06096631773142235,0.0,0.07976748478140229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075058469145377,0.20336474493442666,0.08016965686952485,0.06611673500218185,0.0,0.0,0.09471405139595952,0.0,0.0681375633712599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151054011436456,0.08228306726388908,0.05536588663210678,0.05595084269946545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447686739368128,0.0,0.05078028281721834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ButzATG,2019/03/10,"Having these thoughts since a while I'm having suicidal thoughts since a good while and considered few attempts and tests on myself, had much research on it. I tried out if I feel and adrenaline with getting myself in threatening and dangerous situations but is weird that I'm completely numb towards these. It came to a car accident, I didn't feel any fear? I don't know what the cause was but nothing seems to snap at all. 


Recently days have been more challenging. Many important people me left me (passed or cut contact) . I am in a long-distance relationship with a great woman, however she blocked me recently and I can't find a way to contact her. She's been my motivation and confidant over times but for now I don't know from where I can continue. I'm that kind of guy who's containing all, keeping my problems to myself. It feels better to my because from experience I know any of my people would either be annoyed by it, judge me, gives themselves the fault or leave like my girlfriend did even though she was the only one knowing and accepting the true me. 


I honestly don't want anymore. My routine gets tiring and I lose motivation in little things. I'm not asking for anything, consulting anyone. I just want everything to end.


I know some of these sound weird, but I'm done with everything

",4.578588709677419,6.541691939516128,5.233096774193552,79.62964516129036,71.13709677419354,8.992258064516129,30.94838709677419,9.516144504307137,3.04936870967742,1043,46,190,25,20,336,148,248,0.156,0.695,0.149,0.5059,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,6,5,19,3,1,10,0,20,2,0,3,3,50,44,18,1,5,10,0,3,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,12,13,0,3,15,0,0,3,6,10,0,1,11,4,31,9,26,31,7,25,0,1,0,0,14,12,0,5,10,130,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653296461660125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143207646361855,0.08561606554724026,0.0,0.1007614189990499,0.0,0.11446911102398274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464105178362494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082922404759151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004392794968878,0.0,0.12578426590078098,0.0,0.0,0.1283807648898818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896659521280773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530327069753902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108449514164002,0.0,0.0,0.08087346028031296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009050480126086,0.1197742500716762,0.0,0.13778414299603742,0.18573490717272131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119120863254542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279444312000627,0.1174599548245916,0.0,0.10270066625411699,0.0,0.13499553162849626,0.0,0.12123933992470802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108834328310642,0.0,0.12750714048003045,0.33646156998700555,0.0,0.0,0.12965108251250665,0.13303634507609968,0.0,0.0,0.059820214677627874,0.12272159097064014,0.0,0.10835955998796007,0.0,0.13698411408272684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413953962240586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001082155626086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174888332654388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297158551279765,0.09312458610107437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977524612962888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716288308606075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179841213454065,0.13145960653827035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146890557568187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025747686032579,0.13763278707942053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393444726534426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134670800250092,0.0,0.12030113352828728,0.1944145665196552,0.07139839277951503,0.14073198016733268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313180150139081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444191783351426,0.09719077221619424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698108425184732,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eluethero,2019/03/10,"Darwin Was Right From The Beginning I still can not believe the fact that i am creating a post on this subreddit. But do not worry there will be no personal drama.

​

4 years ago i was on top of my game, i had an athletic build, i was socially great even had girlfriend(s). Then i had a drinking problem which led to a major depressive disorder. From than, my life keeps getting screwed for 4 years. This makes roughly 1460 days, 121 months,  35.040 hours. Can you imagine living a doomed life for that long. The only reason i have been alive so far was the hope of change and a strong temptation to resist the natural selection. Through those years, my view about life completely changed for many times. I had close friends trying to ""change my perspective"" by uttering some ideas which sounded like they are taken from a spiritualist-self improvement-bullshit-but-i-still-had-your-money  type of books. Now i am in a situation in which i am broke, physically fucked up, semi-social pushover (some people still have respect for me because of my previous works and the intellectual capital which i possess) and i have god-knows-what disorder which taxes me mentally. I almost tried to change everything i have control over in order to make some difference but my attemps have failed very badly. Last 2 days i started to have episodes of anger and extreme sadness. During those i have decided to end all of this. Now some people might think that me writing this is a sign of seeking help/support because of subconcious thought but no seriously i have no fucking idea why am i sharing this to an internet platform. Another thing i want to say to the  people reading this subreddit is i was thinking like you once while reading all suicide notes and even trying to help them, i was thinking that some of the posts are really stupid or not a reason to kill yourself. But believe me my friends, this is a position where you wish to project your feelings emphateticly but words are inadequete for this purpose. If that was possible, people would understand the guy/girl who killed himself. 

​

Now i am planning to take action in 2-3 days. I just wish good luck to all people in this subreddit hope you can find another way around and yes Darwin was right about his theory, the man had my respect for thinking about such a revolutionary concept.

​

For all basement bugs who are calling people weak etc... for their choice of ending their lives, fuck you and your stupid social norms you insects are in position to judge or name-tag another person because of he/she does not want to participate in your flawed, non-logical social rules and systems. You are discriminating people for their choice over their life, sexuality and bunch of other stuff because they do not fit your ""normal"" description which even you can not describe completely, you are the ones whom shall be destroyed you god damn retarted primitive monkeys, your kind has been in majority over 21 centuries and you fucked up the entire thing. ""I can bang a lot of hot chicks in my school becuz of ma cool insta photos, hell yeah 21st century"" congrats motherfucker this was exactly what humanity needed you god damn moron. ",7.278010251630943,8.365554120689655,6.880754892823857,73.65108574091336,63.82758620689656,10.201304753028893,35.503261882572225,10.219675759033578,3.7893005591798685,2570,115,431,57,37,804,301,580,0.166,0.695,0.139,-0.9822,0,0,1,0,0,1,84.0,0,17,7,6,17,39,15,0,26,3,53,11,0,6,6,74,79,21,3,11,15,1,3,2,2,4,5,2,0,5,31,12,1,2,14,6,1,2,9,24,0,1,18,7,63,15,66,55,14,55,2,5,1,5,46,25,8,14,25,294,94,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542355422862403,0.0,0.0612665063748256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887711424900267,0.22303419952022005,0.0,0.1924689202748278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054466348052838905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108572445023108,0.14918774303404456,0.0,0.0,0.13786586092932215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062475264651064524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889641327241103,0.0,0.1282996159970216,0.0,0.06862257514387134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183750211850542,0.0,0.05269731830035284,0.0,0.0,0.06392380731438824,0.1402433414699756,0.0,0.053542153514090536,0.0,0.0,0.05993660476222727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838096372334076,0.0,0.06823585254714845,0.12123351080531275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498784665057313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030936250831582232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592067360440281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454054722701273,0.2262528944539904,0.031965889527931834,0.0,0.0,0.051317874816930543,0.0,0.06745510078595468,0.0,0.06058135254691242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202011317207833,0.0,0.0,0.12153817845300373,0.060253490943621035,0.0,0.0,0.1381376041541304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438276731536151,0.13538110792990518,0.06371327190057709,0.0,0.04987277477239188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728630567053044,0.05978240259420627,0.0,0.10805242467020301,0.05414553320346052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052016082392820746,0.0,0.0,0.08168101477081167,0.06203053579429561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165864699235382,0.06490609791751319,0.0,0.0,0.04883614102623634,0.0,0.0,0.045366841136769434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059946907088491576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515850413694524,0.041459569777010166,0.04653286123858839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969188809561993,0.10684626492796698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897528101305699,0.11719389274459945,0.0,0.0,0.05854441248242735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240025222457085,0.0,0.039195760976746485,0.1258137980195377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450086719739073,0.0,0.04865562977326661,0.0,0.061921038232085876,0.0,0.0,0.06382780607586531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877289501287749,0.0,0.18710683060794056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330604502678266,0.0,0.14658383163947666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004054842956331,0.06692489395765913,0.06943038900860435,0.0,0.0,0.0460024294760298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812952891213478,0.15681584204592994,0.0,0.04857291949088759,0.035676631091400623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461888140623255,0.0,0.0,0.06369425305180235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048285206162035,0.07217530837975948,0.04856466918734839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520865449968011,0.0,0.14071616962767045,0.0,0.0,0.04454236690265677,0.062134884209740025,0.0,0.04346305195365032,0.0,0.22303419952022005,0.11820063730294797
suicidewatch,randonothing4537,2019/03/10,"I'm Tired of it all. I can't afford to go to the Hospital again, I don't feel scared anymore about these thoughts. I stopped drinking years ago, stopped using drugs 3 months ago. Thought after stopping alcohol and drugs would help, I was wrong, and seems like every thing is getting worse. I just fuck every thing up. Just one thing I need to not fuck up and it'll be the end of it. About to make some calls and hopefully it'll be the end. Hope to see my only love and my grandma, only two ppl who made life worth living. I am curious about your guys thoughts. following in my friends foot steps on ODing if ur curious how. i'm at the point where i'm willing to be patient to do it in a none messy way",1.8640147523709127,3.6342898904109617,2.7721917808219168,95.1905637513172,78.17808219178082,6.13614330874605,24.244467860906216,7.010146845296331,0.6862092729188621,548,19,125,6,13,173,94,146,0.133,0.687,0.18,0.7661,1,0,4,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,8,9,2,1,5,0,13,10,1,4,1,27,34,7,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,10,5,2,3,5,1,1,3,4,4,0,2,5,2,11,5,19,22,3,23,0,0,1,3,8,8,2,5,12,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240688877173813,0.13506925916260062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534193621476494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905525113339358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381113746175053,0.2931375741653543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238827249394714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129729858639941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390506134698658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764627755332517,0.23368547757659955,0.06603198759973984,0.0,0.07182864091580589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514299396103828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847145375256251,0.0,0.0,0.2510616038227593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927087111750631,0.061746300901996024,0.0,0.11160203065380317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406919598493398,0.11959042902674168,0.08436429947878513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088089229757853,0.0,0.0,0.0937143541325485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564309762172945,0.19224600733240926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947656061152885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653542874246482,0.0,0.10071407032860552,0.11505797199130287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31699555705131666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518977073274057,0.0,0.0,0.3010114654906929,0.0,0.1452632565893433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234617277641671,0.0,0.0,0.1091577828143372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032011249874127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287991437766023,0.08978169386284464,0.13818433667638433,0.0,0.08138907996339423
suicidewatch,kaitschoen,2019/03/10,"my dog is the only thing holding me back from total destruction hi i’m kait, and i’m a addict. i am also borderline, majorly depressed with paranoid features, anxious, suffering from ptsd and a dog mom. his name is ralph, he is the love of my life but he hasn’t saved me. i guess everyone thought he would. everyone thought i would stop using and get out of my bed. but guess what, i have refused to put in any work to safe myself and this amazing dog is not responsible. i am. i have been addicted to heroin for almost ten years and in july i got on a suboxone maintenance program. everyone thinks it saved me. i am not doing currently doing heroin and haven’t since july. i am not overdosing every two days or stealing from anyone. i am not in jail or hysterically crying about killing my self to my loved ones. so i’m saved! and everyone has looked away... and while they have, i have become more depressed than i have in 26 years. i sleep for 22hrs a day, i shower maybe every two weeks. and i have not been able to stop smoking crack. i spend every single cent i earn on crack cocaine. somehow, no one is concerned. i mean don’t get me wrong i am not saving my financial situation with anyone nor am i sharing the drug use. so people just see that i am not dope sick, overdosed or completely delusional so they assume i am okay. i will turn the depression around they think. but every weekend i go through the same emotion pain week after week. i go to work, get cash in my hand and go off to get high. the moment i start driving i want to come home and be with my puppy. he loves me so much and i am his person. he is waiting for me, at home with my parents. but i don’t turn around. i go and i spend my entire earnings on crack and by the time i get home i have smoked every last piece and suffer alone in my room. i sit here and think to myself over and over again, tomorrow i won’t do the same thing. i will come over after work and be with ralph. maybe i’ll tell my parents i’m suffering and ask for their help. (which i’ve done but i am too manipulative for my own good.. i always end up back where i started.) i think about how i feel to get a medication adjustment so badly. how i need to go back to the 12 step fellowship. how i don’t want to go to rehab because i don’t want to leave ralph for that long. how i can’t tell my parents i need help because i can’t hurt them again. how i can’t tell the woman i love because she will leave me if she has to go through this insanity again. i eventually fall asleep and decide to do nothing. keep it to myself, not go to meetings, not reach out for help, and the next night i get high. i am doing absolutely nothing to change my situation so of course i continue! but i can not do it anymore. i can’t keep causing my own destruction. i don’t want to die. i don’t want to leave my puppy for even two weeks let alone forever. he keeps me from just saying fuck it and choosing to not come home and stay out in the streets until i die. but i am unraveling... i don’t want to go on anymore. i sleep because i would much rather be unconscious than deal with this reality. i don’t want to live like this anymore... but i don’t know how to find the willingness to change. to do the work and stop waiting for someone to save me. how do i finally save myself? fuck... i wish i would wake up tomorrow and want to help myself. but i know i will wake up tomorrow and roll over and go back to the unconsciousness that sleep gives me. 

if i knew how to post a picture of ralph i would, because i’d love for you to see the light of my life. he is asleep on my feet right now. 

i hope this is an okay place to post this. ",1.6840041685965732,3.4192522244094548,3.42963794966806,90.4326829550718,78.59317585301838,6.63458391230508,22.75443878338737,7.565006747945744,0.8211957078894554,2833,88,633,41,68,946,288,762,0.155,0.7170000000000001,0.128,-0.9771,5,2,3,0,0,1,88.0,0,1,5,6,35,36,5,0,23,2,71,25,9,12,1,139,144,59,3,20,28,4,2,1,0,10,9,1,7,3,17,41,0,11,16,1,4,17,29,16,0,6,7,7,116,19,96,123,11,94,0,7,3,7,46,34,2,11,40,425,133,7,0.0491850658082666,0.0,0.0,0.10723796343879548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925173863894305,0.10188178947526297,0.0,0.03933327935679597,0.04092591488594923,0.0,0.0,0.03344753137739507,0.0,0.0,0.05556512439096646,0.14633510658108692,0.06878268324576411,0.0,0.0,0.08757027281772316,0.04598139703489683,0.0,0.04621098840022536,0.1512811183745278,0.0410674754883313,0.14991379798721782,0.05432104091086557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050526611235017616,0.1040625558363158,0.12710573715138415,0.051569605714930515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540274852376179,0.06344059693471987,0.05070764313933068,0.12708907532723127,0.0,0.1020926659770974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033339901196193,0.0,0.0,0.057039061112672935,0.0,0.0,0.05532657890542938,0.043563369405147837,0.0,0.0,0.032486272090956635,0.0,0.20720269638979166,0.187993752637952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02486944711853108,0.0,0.0,0.053879835445932715,0.04495425908615845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094160156430188,0.17988016792264086,0.0471827969150474,0.27953006369124256,0.04125409963033256,0.03933779026814167,0.0,0.10836579032231222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187085133836246,0.1039334449478666,0.19734652524332166,0.04885186828834908,0.0,0.0,0.05265363021747661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115383922295326,0.05441598794307954,0.0,0.05406165173525584,0.04009239327702256,0.0,0.15623964878427465,0.0,0.05029506217911525,0.06948173311116664,0.024029338720281318,0.0,0.04343131422087774,0.04352723547655758,0.041303067703579915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195721102569935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882601905315468,0.05357695576133329,0.0,0.04954877927046533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057604954621970975,0.0,0.0,0.07231336535056243,0.07294020615024757,0.0,0.0,0.05230887547949736,0.04615685237332428,0.0,0.09438879434318456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665814702237917,0.037407458911136296,0.05233637782497829,0.0,0.16384258475992308,0.0,0.0,0.03409873165411511,0.04294650230735045,0.05138792526201666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942113940727172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749470986176595,0.049444576143640256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200377745762589,0.0,0.03911393847472218,0.0,0.0,0.07838825887450256,0.0,0.05131075050229038,0.0,0.0,0.04068639470104388,0.11057214948393093,0.1476617600237052,0.0,0.041674346647772885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962688546647099,0.052424735870368736,0.0,0.12336275213150645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896974630786667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535274441610968,0.1260632166560991,0.0,0.07809489645319857,0.028680207408621882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699845550440328,0.1441399872752748,0.0,0.0,0.08496020972539978,0.0,0.0,0.2320850092386321,0.0,0.1578131719758273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656039832249149,0.0,0.0,0.14322925479889848,0.0,0.0,0.17469829780857013,0.05377614826035504,0.0,0.06334713956959452
suicidewatch,MelancholyMoogle,2019/03/10,"There's something wrong about the way life's been, I can't say everything in words, but it's making me feel physically sick. Sometimes I think of it as a reset button. Maybe I mistake it for a reset button. Why am I so... utterly bored and tired?
What I want, the happiness I've been waiting for is so close, yet so far, and it feels selfish of me to feel like this.
But lately, it's been on my mind a lot lately. I want to clean my slate. I want to wash away all of my sins. All of the people I've ended up betraying, all of the lies I've told and all of the expectations I've never met. I want it all to disappear. I want to disappear. 
I feel like I'm bound to screw everything up. I've lost another friend. I told him I wasn't like other people and I messed up. I don't think there's a chance for closure for this. The lack of closure drives me insane. It haunts me in my dreams. I'm so guilty, it leaves a pit in my stomach. How dare I face the outside world with an innocent facade. 
The weight of all the horrible things I've done, the rage I'm prone to, and the instability that comes with my psyche is crushing me. I can't breathe. I'm a shitty person and honestly, nights like those in the last week, I feel like the world would be better without people like me.
My rage is awful. I push people away when I'm hurt and who would have guessed, it only hurts me more. 
Tonight, I can't breathe. Tonight, the thoughts and temptations are running rampant. Tonight, all of the ghosts of my past have come to say hello again. 
Is there ever redemption? Life's a circle.
I look in the mirror and see the epitome of repetition, the epitome of repeated mistakes. 
And as much as you push yourself into submission, as much as you promise yourself and others you'll be good, you won't be. You know you won't be. You'll end up hurting someone again, and again. 
I'm sorry doesn't patch up broken things. I'm sorry stops working eventually.

I'm scared. I don't think I'll ever learn.",1.424852941176468,3.463214720588237,3.1380000000000017,90.732,80.71568627450979,6.2368627450980405,22.20980392156863,7.365786028017652,0.7545821568627451,1538,49,334,22,40,510,183,408,0.229,0.626,0.145,-0.9915,0,0,1,0,0,0,60.0,0,7,0,3,18,27,3,1,26,1,29,11,4,2,10,62,63,25,1,11,3,0,6,6,1,6,5,2,1,1,19,18,1,3,11,1,0,8,11,15,0,0,10,10,44,12,47,43,12,49,1,4,2,1,17,18,1,2,28,205,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954733661123826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710880525179974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052590613495714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686220807306753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317527618091223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612857091066355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471901677480352,0.0,0.0,0.16365888500352316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301868788143067,0.19513739736613328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703446374483304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636802207094333,0.0,0.0,0.10030131721726834,0.0,0.0,0.09692391282310013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924112001421805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003843799652437,0.0742175154007092,0.2054156609273732,0.09640830086085142,0.0,0.0,0.12862194485659156,0.26689319406084305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645866990793494,0.0,0.09939131249297332,0.07740705051387667,0.0,0.0,0.060776265200448674,0.0,0.09147148612941312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193406532892708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386375488984156,0.0,0.07022300699610888,0.0,0.0,0.08544381170252402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924726689812702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691707444110189,0.2524891067687223,0.0795009336154822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448124740806529,0.09115645862072724,0.0,0.07255468350385827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714596738524453,0.0700943729127306,0.09005030872841037,0.2038449786507353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612148014322694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097851783672416,0.17502257832907428,0.0,0.07228315281883932,0.0,0.1046480354948582,0.0,0.1740034466792561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685168453967309,0.07227087523787908,0.07303443723490131,0.11087379302450998,0.0,0.0,0.0821580348052074,0.0,0.0,0.08776849335375422,0.0,0.06628513886923285,0.0,0.0,0.12935794097895398,0.099548362806046,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tunpaz,2019/03/10,"I want to kill myself I am a piece of shit. My mother loves me but hates me even more, i live with my sister and she screams at me daily, its all the things i do.i do wrong. i have a drug problem, gambling problem. Everything. I'm the most lowlife piece of shit. I have nothing to live for, my only question is how i do kill myself. I know the problem is me, but i will never change, 

The world we live in is shit, nothing really good comes out of my life. There's not 1 thing that people say nice about me. 

My sister "" your not even my family. You're my half brother."" I should throw you out on the street and let you rot like your father. You are nothing to me. You have never contributed to this house.

Now I'm the type of guy that stays quiet until i get told to do something

The next step for me now is when. When should i do it and how, should i just hang myself in this house? 
Jump in front of a train? How much drugs do i need to take untill i die?  I want life to be over. I have suffered enough. ",0.8111971830985922,2.538822361502348,2.2470680751173724,97.92102464788736,81.25352112676056,5.011173708920189,17.692253521126762,5.6839178017228535,-0.6269960563380281,765,15,183,4,20,247,115,213,0.251,0.7,0.05,-0.9949,0,0,3,0,0,3,30.0,1,6,0,0,12,16,6,0,10,0,21,8,3,3,3,31,33,12,3,9,5,5,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,1,8,8,0,0,2,0,1,6,4,12,0,1,1,3,42,4,26,26,7,26,0,1,0,1,18,10,3,2,10,135,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907918927426747,0.0969650611304892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682503661089932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610800820593398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631007236228876,0.0,0.14869667238306938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116645675115286,0.0,0.10611657129163696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881073687045243,0.0,0.0,0.09441445481979004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114573702314579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113495494970337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259770545779009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24907371054820454,0.0,0.06186295932984817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151056723651571,0.15901643740641905,0.054993732387443296,0.0,0.2981917354407265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159460155520823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274846653952549,0.08346576291602376,0.17363463768080342,0.0,0.11971450122260767,0.0,0.0,0.32402839859059657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561100280787197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803862374934695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231294440967207,0.0,0.0,0.12609892690067814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211223023299129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951646527344015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466400685833156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665828739603458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119979660218619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463511622138092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956680161036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756099287032013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278789147903378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307251317579397,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Poison1990,2019/03/10,"My list of reasons keeps growing I feel like I'm just a couple of bad things happening away from killing myself. The last time I wanted it this much was 5 years ago. I've  managed to cut most of the people who give a shit out of my life. I'm in a foriegn country, I'm low on money, I'm bad at my new job (got 2 verbal warnings for being late - I get the vibe my manager doesn't like me and just waiting to fire me when I fuck up again), I have no irl friends, skipping most meals, not sleeping well. The closest person I have is someone I've never met who lives in a different country. The exhaust gasses of my crappy motorbike can put me to sleep 👍

proof of concept: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/17137532/

When I was younger I was scared of dying. Now I just don't care enough to be scared. I know I have mental problems, I know this will only get worse as I get older, I know I have no safety net, I know that this is inexplicably what I've always been attracted to. I still have some hope for the future... not consciously but it's like a nagging inside. Reasons to stay or reasons to go, I don't mind. I just want life to give me something I can be decisive about. ",2.007812146359864,3.9197889834024906,3.322106752168996,90.75597038853265,78.25311203319502,5.87559411542814,24.232553753300643,6.7829847944221076,0.7555211618257265,919,32,195,9,22,299,142,241,0.174,0.75,0.076,-0.9338,2,0,1,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,0,11,20,5,2,11,0,20,8,3,3,2,32,45,6,2,4,8,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,0,1,10,2,1,2,10,0,1,3,8,12,1,0,6,2,30,8,27,35,5,27,0,1,0,1,7,9,2,5,17,121,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566303364598552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918340988958156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199171519256176,0.0,0.1990529602497869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215316837860362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189181599894953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371010843062462,0.12453795275784135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231647948156528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602707740110018,0.08515604102726332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209312382124073,0.1101978803540919,0.18683022525455376,0.2286937603815763,0.06774373880415772,0.0,0.0953346110206326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540759348660644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183918524440531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828696429453972,0.10594986111280544,0.13187642235355254,0.0,0.26203538654216313,0.09716338136681342,0.13446206123744528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838805520189687,0.17470434747599242,0.0,0.10525521182402316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012491102853615,0.0,0.1203573658041202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762523911862875,0.0,0.0919338888219119,0.11512347713081067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065647867495087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826378222158223,0.10408027660577007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405768182914575,0.0,0.11982827204077913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676703600502303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386786920902295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223564220903208,0.0,0.0,0.2385708730887991,0.0,0.10099722430067548,0.09176548487531556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270506494643811,0.09519275664124144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919075303381244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950610084233383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406137325499686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717453289252946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147432337511055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676047471110674
suicidewatch,xXIFeelEmptyXx,2019/03/10,"I just dont know anymore. I feel like i havent been able to properly vent myself to anyone so here goes. Next month would have been my 5yr anniversary with my wife.. long story short i fucked up, but with something we could honestly fix if she was willing to work with me, but believes ill just stay a piece of shit i didnt cheat or anything like that, but dont want to go into details. She doesnt want to be with me now and she was everything to me. We even have 2 kids together which makes the way i feel even worse because i love my wife and kids to death and dont want to leave them, but every single day feels so much harder than the last. Its almost like our whole relationship is meaningless to her. And before we even got together i was ready to throw my life away.. I feel so much worse now..",3.8772617743702114,4.412007120481932,4.441237677984669,90.09965498357069,71.16867469879517,7.964074479737133,24.127053669222345,8.00094639256281,0.9554891566265068,626,15,142,8,11,199,101,166,0.173,0.691,0.136,-0.7939,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,4,0,1,1,11,8,3,0,3,0,18,5,1,1,0,32,31,13,1,6,8,2,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,7,4,26,5,19,20,5,15,0,0,0,2,15,4,2,3,10,95,29,1,0.13185674060763652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320354790518291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076645571964268,0.09219729885478396,0.0,0.10850686259767003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238837482593531,0.0,0.0,0.08037864522439618,0.0,0.11220037454926184,0.14855739350738947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527687809456412,0.0,0.0,0.08503668945593898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636053539231645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612704008024179,0.0,0.11109499089652423,0.0,0.11850433628642837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26668291961194,0.09419848183631806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218994319805484,0.0,0.0,0.07493722432709955,0.0,0.10545788080641716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246501628628432,0.10748084227995912,0.0,0.13961724969312306,0.0,0.0,0.09313431535826387,0.193255629358982,0.0,0.0,0.11668906614811005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900585642925465,0.0,0.08801539823996819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052467923663316,0.0,0.19385975195527336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023113951832927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415647934049675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534904940146153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150976085725777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054174139015316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23331756570219886,0.104661743268259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721334201275055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599327756856066,0.0,0.268746567031361,0.0936672453729592,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JussStop,2019/03/10,"I tried to hang myself with a belt Wrote some notes. Set up the belt in the door. Sat down and faded out after maybe 15 seconds.....

...


But the FUCKING BELT SNAPPED AND I WOKE UP CONFUSED WITH A HEADACHE sometime later... CONFUSED and PISSED.

I just kept asking why the belt couldn't hold for a while longer...

That was 2 months ago....

All I think about now is slipping into oblivion again and being free of Life. I had a life. At least I thought I did. I had friends (no friends now). I had dreams. I had potential. Now all I have are thoughts about dying. Psychotic breaks. A need for weed and a food habit that has spiraled out of control. I do nothing. I see no one. I have nothing. I have no one. I'm a burden to my dad who took me in at 25. I'm a disappointment to my family. I'm an embarrassment to myself. Moved away from the city I grew up because of all the embarrassment and shame I brought upon myself. I am as useful as a rock in a pile of rocks. 

I'm going to end up putting that belt back in that door and completing the task. 

I can't help but feel like that is my destiny. ",-0.28648809523809504,1.971063089285714,1.439857142857143,98.0384761904762,92.21428571428572,4.236666666666667,19.520238095238096,5.888618617440367,-0.2321983333333333,828,27,190,7,30,268,126,224,0.09,0.831,0.078,-0.3592,0,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,2,5,18,0,18,5,1,2,3,32,38,12,1,2,3,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,6,12,1,3,4,3,1,7,5,9,0,3,14,2,26,5,35,22,5,37,0,1,1,1,7,16,2,3,13,130,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038201678406976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859724176315493,0.0,0.15938913934830454,0.13044823370001418,0.0,0.10341536532683952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787187324896295,0.0,0.19027377273352825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606702136438326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025707514546294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992829248535098,0.0,0.08577872730096184,0.1211960015641041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051380811546024,0.0,0.2621380290591233,0.15683611307716389,0.0,0.0,0.09641441963510704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137109496442155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396536846410201,0.08288105817091443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704334257652954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541078543506851,0.18030813755878866,0.0,0.1257912574979588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255621490755852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299146815997978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054230411003501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518686301198146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677854297249728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870308286998523,0.0,0.26936187179908017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848429375139525,0.1151793204558072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652072132390145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530802211542216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joefrazer115,2019/03/10,"Whats making you suicidal? Title, I probably wont reply, im just curious on what other people are struggling with. ",1.9330303030303035,4.7530347272727305,5.506363636363638,68.64621212121216,88.0909090909091,8.387878787878789,25.51515151515152,8.841846274778883,3.415678787878788,92,4,13,3,3,34,20,22,0.297,0.61,0.093,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587225540230157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28347428001730746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944166094996746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578721553088594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44396317439462696,0.0,0.4645262104814457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,T-jur,2019/03/10,"I can't help it and I hate it Hey, it's me again. My real account is u/BladeMLG but I'm using this because I don't want my friends to see this again and get hurt.

I liked this girl. She is one of my best friends and she has been for the last months. I liked her but she didn't like me. Well too bad and I tried to move on.  I'm telling everyone I'm over her, but I really am not. I don't know how or why, but I am just still in love with her. I don't stand a chance whatsoever. It sucks. Real hard.
I'm not a popular guy in school, in fact, people have bad biasses of me because some people kind of bullied me in the first year of high school. Everyone that is popular and gave me a chance says that I'm a cool person and stuff and genuinely like to hang out with me. All the other people just ignore me for no reason. Even friends of friends.
I have a lot of issues when it comes to myself. I'm insecure and think that people don't like to hang out with me. Everyone can be so nice 1 moment and then the other they can be so rude. Even my best friends. Idk if they like to hang out with me. Some of them said that my issues (other things that I'm telling now) weren't as big as I made them and I should stop whining. Everytime I hang out with them or talk on skype I do at least one thing (accidentally) that makes them mad or annoyed. 
I lost a good friend last week. She's still alive but we had a fight about some stuff and it all went downhill.
I broke up with my gf a while ago and I used to talk to her a lot. I was used to talking a lot and saying bullshit on whatsapp, but none of my friends did that. The girl I liked a bit after we broke up got annoyed because I messaged her a lot. I started talking less and less and 2 weeks ago we had a fight and I stepped out of the group, because I was mad. I never got into the group again and I never get texts anymore by anyone. I just feel alone all day. Even though I game with friends and stuff. I can't stand it. And then when we do talk, they're annoyed or something. I always do shit. I'm a bad person, no matter what anyone says. Yes my friends would be sad, but in the end it would be better anyway.

Everyone says I'm not a weight on their shoulders, but why does it always feel that way?",0.2613384737878732,2.0975238418891173,1.9760608473368817,98.59724552654741,83.68172484599589,4.961136487449188,18.97368310774001,5.9561762281905315,-0.4115940242215981,1729,44,424,12,49,565,199,487,0.282,0.62,0.098,-0.9985,0,1,1,0,2,0,53.0,4,0,7,5,22,49,11,1,23,2,34,4,2,7,6,89,67,43,0,5,19,0,4,7,10,3,0,5,0,5,29,37,1,2,5,1,1,8,16,22,1,3,15,11,68,27,51,45,17,60,0,6,1,1,57,21,2,12,35,287,97,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374691551711152,0.0,0.0,0.06644981325746642,0.0,0.0,0.10677156008228904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362890794260903,0.08972352135880447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071131599928054,0.15644395619316276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466271324464546,0.056743796209441415,0.07004547329717524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055267662266001744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04137752036911257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561463438516829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682620567910138,0.0,0.0,0.12713008232346262,0.0,0.0,0.2452283145143491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488186457479027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457397283779608,0.0,0.0,0.4461247028496419,0.0,0.06704130137342518,0.0,0.0,0.05381388039333782,0.1026283040666094,0.0,0.0,0.06352791637721161,0.0,0.0,0.05747424124464685,0.06334414772184586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300470913727383,0.06778795350534919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686839898140684,0.0,0.0,0.13393153794700904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668121664382466,0.035260341231738684,0.1045969867637594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21941537446896825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003758978679622,0.2181841899262568,0.05790638464349655,0.060709197808476924,0.042826913380216144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121143970659952,0.06819131345803264,0.0,0.0,0.09896740538437906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695217162045048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792026327001728,0.112043067680027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605494041541706,0.04110216957839828,0.06596657307622243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103030409137085,0.2040885948938216,0.0,0.12986552374352886,0.051126753766465326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585872620841854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049393058742147264,0.0,0.0,0.04541237016718643,0.0,0.10247559694140612,0.05364015089962712,0.0,0.0,0.2203415696373774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578445713946791,0.11215632812837954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524934013586062,0.04111076792318824,0.06303630781572163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356003700900245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662394260930827,0.0,0.0,0.03784289028293166,0.05092676398453989,0.10292963896073233,0.07812889315155955,0.057687026947174924,0.059476428353423275,0.11578780066483667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115402723541943,0.0,0.0,0.04131656517297694
suicidewatch,drgut101,2019/03/10,"Why not? I hate where I live. I left an apartment for a new apartment. It was more expensive, but more miserable. I left that apartment for one more expensive (can’t really afford) and it’s even louder and more miserable. 

I had a job. I left it for one with better benefits, but more money. I hate it. Left that job for a job with more money and better benefits. I hate it even more. 

With people, I’m to the point that I don’t like anyone. I hate and can’t stand my friends. I don’t want to meet new people. I have a hard time meeting anyone. I’m a fucking weirdo and meeting anyone is very difficult. And I can’t find a romantic partner or anyone to date. (Obviously because of my negative outlook.)

I haven’t fucked my family over or anything, but we argue all the time. I’m not on speaking terms with most of them. 

I’m basically an asshole. 

I’ve felt like this for years. I’ve tried exercise. I’ve tried just getting out there and taking to people. I’ve tried expressing gratitude. Nothing improves.

Of course I drink too much. I hate AA. According to them, I’m not fucked up enough to them to be accepted and join their club because I’m not an absolute fucking disaster on the outside. I honestly don’t think I’m even part of that group because I can go a week or so without it and have no problem. 


I’m an atheist and don’t think there is anything after this life. 

I have anxiety and depression. I know I have these issues. 

It just seems like every move I make is a worse move followed by a worse move. 

I’m just stuck at a dead end job. Miserable. Hate everyone. Hate everything. Hate myself. Hate my friends. Hate my family. I abuse myself mentally and with drugs and alcohol. I’m lonely. And I’m just not sure why I have any purpose or meaning in life anymore. 

Why keep dealing with the pain. ",0.8594490358126734,3.3218482231404955,2.8992506887052336,88.64402754820938,87.4297520661157,6.422258953168044,23.493663911845733,7.715138304826218,1.453140606060607,1407,56,285,29,45,472,158,363,0.276,0.57,0.154,-0.9964,8,2,3,0,1,1,53.0,1,0,4,2,12,35,15,3,18,0,20,11,0,1,3,55,59,22,1,2,17,0,2,3,3,0,6,1,0,1,14,22,2,1,8,3,4,5,16,23,1,2,4,3,36,12,32,54,13,32,0,5,0,4,16,16,4,6,13,174,50,4,0.0,0.07515824030686909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779104395034398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04313690674577246,0.0,0.048526399335988214,0.0,0.06290891620666486,0.17741651301068972,0.0,0.10440061389504443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600528811611499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122034256570158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539707964449397,0.054635119195496115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062140610774413935,0.07356263851946536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618318979533171,0.06554368867874978,0.0,0.12569154421833986,0.0,0.0534453995470631,0.06061335950948382,0.05700987551083048,0.0,0.11959878230890895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090603924879918,0.0,0.05797700464481745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801701933133634,0.23457273074817925,0.03314134838123105,0.0,0.0360506793581729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056823892526370386,0.6262737818493521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620801904802164,0.2517915602126394,0.05638254602484795,0.0,0.0,0.03486135348993552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756824235758081,0.0,0.08960981329033657,0.0929711073600986,0.0,0.056012879702641134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042342306230623634,0.0,0.0,0.06909760000885916,0.0,0.0,0.06392597643508005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022590877195194,0.04663086884355778,0.0,0.0,0.12252880144802655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086608565347808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596826592391409,0.0,0.06749764053359651,0.0,0.0,0.06869222174726826,0.0,0.13193025735586345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996509362431406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060697224401005084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040637078735529915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774741110195988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978525585263195,0.0,0.047694044000118764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812911595718155,0.0,0.0,0.07397708479444065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920140263747198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233922196941769,0.037414679754903625,0.0,0.05088247026338537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717164089083897,0.0,0.0,0.06114756164644485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928816624388453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040849048340706726
suicidewatch,selfishfucktard,2019/03/10,"it's coming back  

i  tried killing myself twice when i was 14. First time i tried hanging  myself but the hook from the celing broke. One week after i took my  parents sleeping pills and ate them all. Next thing i remember is waking  up at the hospital the day after. I felt fucking horible. During this  time I had only thought about myself that i had forgotten that it was my  brothers birthday. My fselfish fucking idiotic fuckfaced messed up  brain didn't have the capacity to think about someone else than myself.

Im  now 22 and has since tired my best to not be like that again. But the  feeling never went away that day. I just pushed it down and tried to  distract myself from it. It work, kind of. But it's starting to come up  again. I have noticed my idiotic selfish fucking ways havent gone away. I  can't be with another person without hurting them. I don't know how to  suppress it again.",2.7983367139959405,5.165811206896552,3.5925693035835025,87.53583164300207,77.73563218390804,5.703313049357674,26.901960784313733,6.794906146795322,1.2581802569303582,706,29,134,7,17,224,108,174,0.193,0.752,0.055,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,2,3,11,14,6,1,6,0,14,9,3,1,2,22,29,8,1,0,6,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,6,1,1,6,0,0,7,7,11,0,3,11,2,24,3,22,16,2,32,0,2,0,3,5,7,3,0,18,100,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678108405703155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630313650849794,0.10763586880301487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469002227737049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626381338462494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411605025158771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055085371712096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169352078433248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077802110443536,0.0,0.13440261350764654,0.0,0.0,0.11906679398258947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882273637273462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498513309522184,0.0,0.151202265115612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486697089394205,0.14576747931614298,0.07692926805371976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838708697317243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796109441140292,0.0,0.14887016486500101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936799380643366,0.0,0.0,0.09485397311500772,0.10646098820198004,0.0,0.0,0.15543106455983038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222501096159755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585698893762303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579278337346335,0.0,0.1400809477517271,0.0,0.11860447771481646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907846253063517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299639637082108,0.08969343956916842,0.0,0.11112836974157188,0.16324675941303524,0.16088625257323794,0.0,0.0,0.15552277051377114,0.2851114010614693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110949414603856,0.11228339700744756,0.0,0.0,0.12976272888589802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493558596595415,0.0,0.10190700230097996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoylessNothing,2019/03/10,"Most hopeless I've ever been. I'm so defeated by so many things. I just want to be at peace. Every day is hell. If I die nobody will care but at least this pain will end. 
I don't see any other way out at this point. Every day is just black.",-1.6111904761904758,0.28996957407407464,0.96671957671958,101.87166666666668,94.0,3.8264550264550254,11.417989417989418,5.288315135182226,-1.5925788359788358,183,2,47,1,7,62,41,54,0.25,0.659,0.091,-0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,11,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,1,6,7,2,10,1,2,2,0,0,5,1,2,4,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831053127667492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27452743492384785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472994826665096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27944826964960245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23848350092269985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356012697335705,0.4537245406901103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729863037220551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28651049677160806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25453673087589873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456451444062516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888367562104285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588158993171384,0.2137252139317776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LilGruv117,2019/03/10,"22k in debt and just defaulted More and more just keep piling on. Unable to find a job, not being able to pay my loans. Mental health hanging by strings and I'm just mentally ready to go somewhere quiet and end it all. I never understood why people take their own lives cause of money. But being in the position now it is bright as day why they do it and I'm about to join them. I had a few reasons not to do it but now those reasons are gone and I'm just waiting for the last straw to be added to the pile. I feel relieved when I think about everything ending. Relief knowing im no longer a disappointment to everyone. Knowing my end is around the corner is the only joy I have had in the past few years.",1.3088584474885856,3.4706223972602785,2.915589041095892,91.49539269406392,81.87671232876713,5.811141552511415,20.69223744292237,7.03164865440522,0.4586462100456616,554,16,118,7,15,182,93,146,0.067,0.8140000000000001,0.119,0.8338,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,10,5,0,0,9,0,12,1,0,3,2,28,25,10,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,2,8,0,4,3,4,1,0,0,4,3,10,4,19,18,6,20,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,11,80,15,2,0.1673983277870222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902000223690262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196419462887774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795807290449637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447956958897323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599562758982376,0.1504468231084893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464162428608933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299903892092978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951363273773424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793659453889354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081891970725508,0.0,0.1661170103429053,0.1487913252256633,0.0,0.0,0.1839954862145407,0.13645197950360846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781579031547654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373962838048598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910791016891465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731397153957869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980064538831915,0.11605292307239135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442267222343631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586270951690148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726208919769964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021019073669983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779903472507876
suicidewatch,erdesertfox,2019/03/10,"Denied It something im sure many a men go thru but something women dont consiider is the amnouunt a man is denied. Im veryt int0oxuicated tonight and fighting the urge to 1) kidnap the woman i am iun love with and rapping then absolute fuck out her and 2) commmiting suicde after......i dont know hwat i am doing right other than voifing  thoughts because i am so sad and disappointed...being rejected sooo many times within a lifetime..... it wears down on a persojn. im sorry for the grammar. im truing.....but i want so bad tio be loved and to have sex oin  regular basismbut cannot find it. im in an emotional terain wreck right now as writing this .......why on reddit>>>. what am i doiung with my lidfe. whjy is love so hjardplz so,me  help help some one i want love",1.3521568627450975,3.853439542483663,3.149836601307189,87.61926470588236,84.94771241830065,6.275816993464053,24.18627450980393,7.594959193182576,1.4285529411764717,602,24,119,11,18,200,104,153,0.191,0.607,0.201,0.2065,0,1,2,0,2,0,41.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,2,0,9,0,13,7,1,0,1,17,23,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,8,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,8,5,14,21,1,13,0,2,0,6,13,8,1,1,4,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028558319155198,0.07321702871110443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28153254233179165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510589987692118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977699592663008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103837575603008,0.0,0.0,0.0682604302395287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101239576062745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6486889706025991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600849222043338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336104537539878,0.0,0.0,0.2435423408304915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138863016436093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051440108502924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493078738499028,0.0,0.13445163584418918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320084278954867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535273524809394,0.07003623407154763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168621411928606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837924240685357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ancheim,2019/03/10,"Really fucking tired of the ups and downs I’m really exhausted. Mental illness fucking sucks.
I’m 21 and I have bipolar, which means I’ve been in community college for six years. I’m too scared to learn to drive. I’m not going anywhere and I’m going to have my 10th “W” on my transcript for fucking up this semester and not being able to finish any classes I start, so no colleges will want me anyway. My father is extremely mentally ill and abusive. My mother judges everything I do. I’m on antidepressants, i exercise, i have a job and a family. I have a boyfriend and friends who care about me. I should be happy but I just feel miserable. Cutting didn’t help, and when I try to reach out, my friends don’t get it. Not even my boyfriend knows how to help anymore. I’m done.",1.3206410256410237,3.7770041410256425,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,84.51282051282051,6.543589743589743,25.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.6668871794871791,610,26,122,12,18,204,98,156,0.14300000000000002,0.73,0.127,-0.1363,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,12,5,2,4,0,14,9,0,1,0,21,34,12,0,2,5,2,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,1,0,3,6,8,0,1,3,1,17,4,17,27,0,14,0,1,0,3,7,7,4,0,4,77,21,6,0.1687298398793417,0.1999172693494226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474207711070301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733466209983416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203131701133156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266920794571686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144446791128568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164350032067073,0.0,0.15906347646704996,0.0,0.08531487680742801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607205114766294,0.4679640542761021,0.08815437726963493,0.0,0.1917861127682316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796160520701829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261921099974893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674383306388461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272950733115964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379626047614173,0.0,0.0,0.34007998583300314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618531200236546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892800487777831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942784911431788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939301297791497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455648556049725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952123120024453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865648485719376
suicidewatch,LalebKuke1776,2019/03/10,Clocks ticking I think I might just kill myself after I get out of the Marines. That way I won't be letting anyone down and I'll finish what I started. Fiance left me and my life is going no where so might as well just end it cause I don't know how to dig myself out of this rut. ,0.29763440860214985,2.010225645161292,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,82.87096774193549,4.133333333333334,16.78494623655914,3.1291,-1.0530731182795698,218,4,52,0,6,72,49,62,0.116,0.8440000000000001,0.04,-0.6743,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,0,12,12,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,10,1,8,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669348144191825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27428383167964576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364838565116099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394971325718415,0.0,0.15174296289586245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953973225759726,0.0,0.14673690380604615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900976383557494,0.27302686706788315,0.18859087838712305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5664922628233874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898485834359607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710836193697295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119331636310475,0.0,0.0,0.2400661884799065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaliyugastrike,2019/03/10,"I had it all and I wasted it, thinking about it is so painful I was good looking in my 20s but because of low self-esteem, depression and social anxiety, I didn't date anyone and didn't make many meaningful social connections. I spent most of my time on internet forums venting. Now I am 30 and my looks are starting to deteriorate. I had an opportunity lots of people wish they have and I wasted it. 

I had the opportunity to go to a great college and study premed. I could have been a doctor by now, which would have allowed me to live it up right now and make up for everything I missed out on in my 20s. Plus I would be doing something meaningful that would give me satisfaction in and of itself. But I didn't go well enough and abandoned that plan. Ironically, the main reason I quit was because I wanted to enjoy my 20s rather than spend it in med school. I didn't get to enjoy it nor did I get a medical degree.

I lost $30,000 on cryptocurrency investment, that's $30,000 out of my own money, not what I made from investing. At my height, I was actually up $20,000, so all in all you could say I lost a total of $50,000. All because I was greedy and stupid. If I had that money, I could quit my job and just travel for an entire year. But again, I screwed it up for myself.

It's just one screw up after another and there is no escaping it, because every day is a constant reminder of all the things I missed out on and will never get to enjoy. I can't take this anymore. ",3.1264614722341832,4.385995722772279,4.813832687616589,84.01397331037455,73.62046204620462,7.777816042473812,25.055101162290143,8.321376580360154,1.4595594489883776,1156,36,243,19,23,392,155,303,0.174,0.7120000000000001,0.114,-0.9387,2,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,1,7,12,19,3,0,10,0,32,5,0,5,7,51,53,21,0,10,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,19,17,0,1,4,1,6,3,9,11,1,1,18,3,40,8,41,27,11,36,0,7,2,2,6,21,2,3,12,186,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.11619533991830172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485548748284632,0.09108837771856848,0.0,0.11808564409700127,0.08325665293408653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903363570032565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286725866236632,0.0,0.28520359957536195,0.0,0.0,0.07679042909758134,0.0,0.10255498949182472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187339597667515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303134691904792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032177964731646,0.0,0.10701261880701506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866277964629518,0.11422298642173155,0.13534067820082085,0.09987043520121308,0.0,0.1312753167598519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815880148142005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514116879211913,0.0,0.19997796018647196,0.0,0.2599583795602787,0.10122922674731064,0.0,0.11266710301381146,0.15896056728651567,0.12071849482545015,0.0,0.0,0.13226015065678187,0.11995070050666687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183427931817056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068504963730541,0.0,0.12669908874686947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254828491280307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532916304276451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242399755789715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168530091258192,0.0,0.09468940282075153,0.0,0.12050540008545226,0.0,0.0,0.1242161877021504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275414974601586,0.0,0.09166605783566624,0.0,0.0,0.08427850099204094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952597254803868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910495059782628,0.07629537684209023,0.0,0.0,0.06943079163589623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023068944673301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070584102943022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369248546505159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25375216311677457,0.0,0.0,0.07667730545882226
suicidewatch,sullytuff,2019/03/10,"exhausted vent I'm so unbelievably frustrated with myself, my life, and everyone else. all these people i thought i could trust are hurting me and acting like im the bad guy because im getting upset that theyre mistreating me and its leaving me confused and making me feel like im crazy and like i dont have a right to be upset about anything 

i left home to get away from an abusive mother just to be unhappy there and come back, so now im just as stuck as i always was. i dont have any income, i dont have anywhere to go or anyway to get income because im disabled buti cant fucking apply for disability because my mom doesnt want me to and i just. i genuinely dont know what to do. i know why people offer me advice, i really do, and i appreciate it, but its starting to wear thin on my psyche. i run these circles in my head. i go through the options. they all run back to not knowing waht to do or not having anything to do. im so fucking tired of being sad and in pain all the time, its not even that i want to die, im just tired of existing like this, but dying is as close to that as ill ever fucking get . i dont have anywhere else to put these thoughts and i cant take keeping them inside all the time either so sorry if this sub is the wrong place or anything",3.3551511437908488,3.750228003676472,5.183480392156863,84.81413398692811,72.27205882352942,7.662091503267972,27.97875816993464,7.594959193182576,1.5183057189542482,995,35,215,11,18,343,137,272,0.204,0.7509999999999999,0.045,-0.9914,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,0,16,18,4,3,7,0,25,11,2,1,5,45,49,24,2,4,14,2,2,4,0,0,6,0,1,1,13,13,0,1,6,0,0,7,11,13,0,0,4,2,30,5,29,41,5,23,0,2,0,3,6,9,3,6,11,143,43,1,0.0,0.0907431628670184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484000545148149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372658349082068,0.0,0.0,0.052081838776808886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907391667395546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719560801190872,0.11778146985284513,0.06394701041522423,0.14006031421140036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597298552203247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114854919469152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897058918097934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487974204210495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795735111815218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050585042178754674,0.06927739601769224,0.0,0.07318223432891541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03872472741504265,0.05471382325242762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241055628298686,0.16005434728177315,0.0,0.08705240184199355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583324742825012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786004365765277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682308295727054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198805015109915,0.0,0.5790903004690694,0.0,0.0,0.06807411317641415,0.0,0.0,0.1262707641072644,0.0,0.0,0.08109465645076233,0.08321208346540927,0.0,0.05409571757326618,0.14966630942322065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112246873746303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969785917876433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149404992814635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619167223226053,0.0,0.08001719494251942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699116607574523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049063642776652636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540494546164041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857329626457871,0.05420872743162818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758395067285747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160316886991257,0.08931708122117425,0.17605115764774945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034608486719076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910792481255673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373594607422741,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,huckleberrydoll,2019/03/10,"Never ending guilt cycle. I’m at the end of a crisis situation. SO got drunk, which made them get really sad and wanted me to kill them. Begging me, telling me they were losing their mind. I tried to just let them get it all out and got them to bed. Used a crisis line to stay level headed and removed firearms from the house. I was suicidal in the past,so it was a bit more difficult going through all this. But my suicide attempts are kinda the reason for all this. They feel guilty because they are stuck thinking they caused my suicide attempts. They’re stuck in one moment in time unable to let go. They tried therapy, we had several family sessions talking about what happened, and we’re in a place right now that they can’t get the same kinda help I got. We’d kinda lose everything if they went away for any serious form of treatment. Their sadness honestly happens every time they drink (which is like once a month) and I try my best to keep them from going overboard but always fail and get left in positions like I’m currently in. They’re partially right, their actions did trigger a mental break, but it only brought childhood trauma, anxiety and depression to the surface. But I dealt with all that when I was in treatment, moved on. So they feels guilty for the past they can’t let go of, I’ve forgiven them and moved on, but every time they break down after drinking, I feel guilty for making them go through me being suicidal and causing their pain. I suggest getting help, talking to other people if they can’t talk to me about it, but they’re stuck not wanting help and holding onto pain that has pushed them to the “I can’t do it anymore” point. Everyone is safe for now, but I have no idea what’ll happen in the light of day. ",5.057852862425094,6.016107410557186,5.279563942368991,83.61760678311872,68.73607038123167,8.041871732755324,29.1955884227974,8.18289091462,1.9478513578987624,1381,49,265,18,23,436,177,341,0.206,0.7290000000000001,0.065,-0.9942,1,0,2,1,0,2,35.0,2,0,24,6,9,18,1,1,15,0,22,6,1,7,5,51,55,22,5,4,11,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,14,13,3,3,6,3,0,12,7,13,0,1,15,4,44,5,42,35,9,53,0,6,0,0,34,22,0,5,18,173,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840031232806502,0.0,0.0,0.05590153816212028,0.0,0.06288583417300513,0.0,0.0815242780570758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723336297728539,0.0,0.0,0.050110794752850456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626802528481829,0.0,0.08974547617364381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688923020528715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053014778737463485,0.0,0.0708021838167229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610572471084196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561668721047935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385208290421851,0.0785494437448461,0.07387965368654409,0.0,0.07749461421500525,0.0,0.12469443542613436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474098295876026,0.0,0.2335921348960387,0.0,0.1972381422481472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180781742912513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436501874812062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529882307423854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485237783569517,0.0,0.09279830887767357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306669128737267,0.09094654527136127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931488535428643,0.2521774751668677,0.0,0.08032144317772588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839304956500228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778341138943254,0.05487180760487337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284229632637367,0.0,0.08300260518518181,0.0,0.06561444766755496,0.17473968292663794,0.0,0.0,0.06340079168434516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754457600351567,0.055703557125685255,0.06251984543415627,0.1749417013315035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569460370946055,0.056989902403699284,0.0,0.08588568264407846,0.0,0.07770934966177721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266198666305489,0.08451940194838826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040353184854698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286712034371024,0.0,0.0,0.0924007390007422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761852526064466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596713302865085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982173815038332,0.07184991834564974,0.0,0.0940074369167236,0.0,0.0,0.052673003257149485,0.0,0.0,0.1438014385152031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743335776726595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099786158562335,0.0,0.0,0.09697209679260234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620393056721396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amyjosiane,2019/03/10,"social media for suicide? Hello hello- I'm new to reddit and have never really posted, but I don't know where else to look. It's hard to talk about suicide to family or friends because it's just a further burden on them, you know? Whats the point? Sure, they'd be sad at first, but I know they'd all move on. They hardly need me right now anyways. So ANYWAYS, apart from this board- does anyone know of any social media sites for suicide? Or apps? To discuss/post/share stuff that only suicidal people get. I know that's kinda like this, but there seems to mainly be a lot of suicidal notes and stuff, and I'm looking for more of a social media with a variety of media/discussion but all by people who have been/are suicidal... does that make sense? Talking about suicide with counselors etc. seems pointless for me, because I already know what they'll all say and none of my family/friends know what to say, either.",3.9170714285714254,5.515364627777778,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,72.16666666666667,6.920634920634923,25.079365079365076,7.447530270364453,1.2492698412698409,723,22,136,8,14,232,106,180,0.223,0.727,0.05,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,4,31.0,0,1,5,1,9,5,0,0,5,0,8,0,0,1,5,32,24,11,7,1,8,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,6,13,3,25,19,9,15,0,1,2,0,17,9,0,6,5,89,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711503614191164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984600509995479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153471785210059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729332239999063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402647488718071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351637794903944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814816120529038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296270961418441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485649180469768,0.0,0.0,0.1359839515929222,0.0,0.04597866314178655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766930076717758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33855439049721164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042994501189836234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478030514444938,0.0,0.0,0.07481818793764869,0.0,0.0,0.05874361575242273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935347425080174,0.0,0.06525414237610372,0.06787441324921459,0.0849951912357344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693130657424809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202233076329905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831925970030678,0.0,0.16856776383682973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056377867694283074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515527085043186,0.0,0.13996925124462484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602317885093033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691281882999869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201487950441355,0.6738376564409837,0.0,0.08294309899745787,0.0,0.0,0.14146919523604215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,latelyivy,2019/03/10,"I’m unloveable. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m relatively smart, funny, and attractive. But I’m never good enough. I’m 26, which I guess is young. I tell people I don’t want kids but quite frankly I don’t think anyone would want to make a family or be with me long term. Any guy I’ve dated... I feel like they just want a “good time.” That girl who is fucked up, they think they can save her, then when it gets tiresome, they leave.  “You’re *too much,*” “you’re *immature*,” “you’re a *bitch*.”

I’ve started secluding myself, going as far as blocking my best friend from all contact for several weeks now.

I think about what I’ve accomplished in my short life, and it amounts to nothing in the big picture. 

I’m thinking of killing myself again. I don’t want to live a life where I have no purpose, I’m too fucked up thanks to my past. I’m... taking up space.

Tell me why we put ourselves through this? What’s the point?",-0.2732057994361661,1.997861335078536,1.1755235602094238,99.71896798227951,92.71727748691099,4.404430124848973,17.81735803463552,6.093298490706669,-0.4043146999597265,709,20,165,7,26,225,118,191,0.158,0.6629999999999999,0.179,-0.1083,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,0,4,3,8,15,4,0,6,0,10,4,0,1,2,26,36,9,1,5,4,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,9,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,0,1,23,9,18,34,6,26,0,0,0,2,14,11,3,2,14,85,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651258846823113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923594550128102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893955865998718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664452157923874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379248686407627,0.0,0.07176059387167119,0.1013899054085707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964945058948873,0.26241127536094044,0.07414897262918599,0.0,0.08065817981342581,0.23807675940715595,0.0,0.0,0.15634431742368066,0.1405262020916053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701690481085906,0.0,0.07799723523637718,0.0,0.0,0.15027609218148572,0.0,0.0,0.20048899388579494,0.06933646770241432,0.0,0.12532071526411287,0.12559749529222106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473478476600533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432982321003838,0.0,0.1094598595595991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617906149290454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354816771401061,0.09839162174002457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416322216913604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267193520184154,0.0,0.1509527079652604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033272898446935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045391493214484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670852381923014,0.0,0.2480941250904102,0.13066374108197826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36375441920757706,0.0,0.0,0.08275651268788532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348397335151584,0.0,0.11384216633146492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806354122615352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008181125970567,0.1551706524436016,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seaweird,2019/03/10,"I don’t want to be seen I dread the thought of someone finding my body.

I don’t want my dead bloated body to be laid on a slab in the morgue. I don’t want anyone having to deal with me. 

So I’ve built a bonfire in my backyard, oak and old newspapers. I’m going to crawl into it and douse myself and the wood in lighter fluid. Ignite it then shoot myself in the head. 

I hope I am burned beyond recognition and by the time someone finds me I’ll just be a charred corpse. And there will be no trace of a face or the skin that was ever there. 

I don’t want to be found. But mostly I don’t want to be seen. ",1.0473342447026681,2.265292120300753,2.7886124401913897,96.60483253588517,78.92481203007519,5.437867395762132,20.361585782638414,5.565023196281405,-0.2925729323308266,464,11,114,2,11,154,76,133,0.123,0.8029999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.8807,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,10,0,15,5,5,1,1,23,27,9,1,6,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,5,3,15,1,17,15,1,12,0,0,2,0,1,7,0,3,4,75,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249120815869933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209467119856873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534907873265736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171398595292507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463688136110111,0.0,0.0,0.20775878223849664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768779032013606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944646478218396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881997835765332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988309675231165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32109736207058515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042866451055473,0.11048930197251074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5588111320054332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chastifer,2019/03/10,"I’m literally not good enough for anyone I just found out my wife wants a divorce. Apparently she has been feeling this way for quite some time, but has convinced me that everything was fine until yesterday. 

I leaned in and kissed her playfully before going to take a nap before work. Just as in falling asleep I get a text saying that she doesn’t feel anything when she kisses me. I’m devastated but I go to work just the same. I get off work at 6am and go home to sleep. Ha! Like sleep is gonna happen now. I finally crash around 8am-10am and have been up since. We sat down and talked for about 4 hours tonight and she told me she’s unhappy. I don’t make her happy. She doesn’t want to be with me. She doesn’t love me like I love her. She said she’s been feeling this way for months. I was literally clueless. 

I’ve been abandoned by my mother, my father. My wife convinced me to move across the country with her, so I have no one here. And now she wants a divorce. Forcing me to make the choice to stay in a state where I know no one. Or move back home to be close to my brother and sister. Oh. And the fact that we have a 3year old. That makes it so much harder. I’m just tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of never feeling like I’m good enough. 

I also think there is something poetic about dying on your birthday. Which is Monday. Maybe I’ll get the courage by then. Who knows. ",0.7325000000000017,2.9611616944444457,2.0963888888888893,96.06250000000004,84.83333333333334,4.988888888888889,19.069444444444443,6.322622252153567,-0.16273472222222196,1080,29,244,10,32,346,155,288,0.125,0.6829999999999999,0.192,0.9672,1,0,1,0,2,0,33.0,2,1,0,4,17,17,0,0,11,1,20,9,3,3,2,43,54,18,1,3,8,6,5,3,0,1,2,2,2,0,10,15,0,1,9,2,0,6,8,1,0,2,10,7,41,16,34,41,5,39,0,1,0,4,32,13,0,2,18,153,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509707232711802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440525004186724,0.0,0.08756742706263408,0.0947286110074585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182371570945693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810963450518877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043812164647658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21990262178199133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563560843929983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26902373445445005,0.0760202487671021,0.0,0.11656836981032348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116674489995842,0.0,0.0,0.1667865254153577,0.0,0.18142796967241165,0.1785054873349117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409915470621674,0.11327679978945585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134784056498302,0.0,0.10479368838723163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696172714476866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596154771412116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208069247260365,0.0,0.21309109252411296,0.0,0.10690444616734468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493647861045826,0.2261967275331589,0.07822454397501058,0.0,0.08207094897860884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166075138286444,0.0,0.14421409175929775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318150821173135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122150729885594,0.08462253099185807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802452094567577,0.0,0.21297628332661456,0.0,0.0,0.08192061190611016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134202795455454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000804906187821,0.08552936628440336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818405966269699,0.0,0.0,0.062049280510514004,0.24460825445102494,0.0,0.10168055033093794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829241236855507,0.2533929933226602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324060653146732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cute_mishka,2019/03/10,I want to die. I got hospitalized for an attempt in Dec. I was lonely and depressed. I still am. I cried in the hospital room. I have no one. No one will ever love me. I'm fat. I'm forty pounds overweight and constantly think about food. I think next time I'll do it fatally and it'll be soon.,-1.3838095238095247,0.5956011746031749,1.2892222222222216,97.04050000000002,100.74603174603176,5.05968253968254,17.411111111111108,6.742157984588678,0.04518539682539702,226,7,54,4,10,77,45,63,0.33,0.5920000000000001,0.078,-0.9509,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,1,7,14,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,8,1,5,9,0,9,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29023057232815475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29501337737937344,0.0,0.0,0.2313203929161272,0.0,0.27873500000141505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429384589762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247579393791301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480130556892085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239642533947026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856290266750903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36398223971436405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21448168916132584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34417977391930177,0.0,0.0,0.15660630537116452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841053427131244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,armypersonguy,2019/03/10,"Well boys I think it’s about time I did it. I had the love of my life, I saw the world (at least the worst parts of it), I made the next generation of soldiers as best as I could. I was the soldiers soldier. I remember in 2015 a rosy cheeked private fresh out of OSUT told me he wanted to be like me. Now I’m out rotting in the Midwest. 36 years old and I have to walk with a cane and chug down whiskey and pain pills to fall asleep. I remember being a kid smoking shitty weed with friends in California. I miss the sun of home, the hope of tomorrow. But it’s gone. There’s no more use for me anymore. It’s funny, I was a ranger, told I was the toughest of the tough. Well I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.

Let the world remember I was a soldier. A ranger. I fought in two wars, loved people, killed people, lost people. To all you in the service right now, just know I was in a peacetime army for 13 months out of 16 years. I wish my generation had been able to clean up our own mess but the burden has fallen on your shoulders. ",1.514351200582098,3.1228981843317962,2.9480814940577282,94.26843803056029,78.67741935483872,5.85874363327674,22.480960465680326,6.5966054737557815,0.3054755760368661,794,24,185,7,19,259,128,217,0.138,0.737,0.126,-0.5499,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,2,0,2,7,18,3,0,20,0,16,9,3,2,1,25,34,7,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,2,6,8,1,0,5,1,0,4,2,10,2,1,16,1,26,8,33,14,7,29,0,2,1,2,12,16,0,2,10,121,32,1,0.13662181383956912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709842559046935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433761647285435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908140133272452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555367446738867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050433082377215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704281874289675,0.13569628799569952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115179480772672,0.0,0.07508377591712366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970506106204605,0.09650002750193516,0.06674651720763697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913884873563749,0.0,0.2466130421239077,0.1292748636322612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090502283586098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529884895906678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433616113618349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537524247939052,0.0,0.0,0.1479481106896862,0.0,0.2841490902771724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642976467479442,0.11667428253008365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875417417613384,0.0,0.0,0.07966527833337593,0.0,0.0,0.2610959958458318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345966019527472,0.0,0.0,0.11799738158450772,0.0,0.0,0.08058308555171714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567883652402064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571083434233925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17595993758112968
suicidewatch,SkyAuraWolfff,2019/03/10,"staying alive kinda scared to post here since i don’t post often, and i don’t want to come off as attention seeking, but everything has been going to shit. i thought i was doing better when it came to my mental health and self confidence, but bad situations have been happening more and more often that has caused me to isolate myself and act cold towards the ones i care the most. i’m paranoid and sad all the time now. hell, i barely have a reason to feel as shitty as i do? why should i even stay alive? wish all of this could end soon. ",5.974801223241593,5.442619339449543,6.217935779816514,82.83987003058107,66.61467889908258,9.101529051987768,28.25840978593273,8.344100000000001,1.7189804281345558,424,11,88,5,6,136,76,109,0.237,0.599,0.16399999999999998,-0.9166,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,4,0,13,2,1,2,2,24,23,11,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,1,5,2,11,2,12,16,5,15,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,4,5,63,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225741362817194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127670157960047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856363001373368,0.185921373125206,0.18732710142423484,0.0,0.15708124710896662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559429576213945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151092502486716,0.0,0.0,0.1204426546354312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388741477387292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220332274152153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363559976078808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125444746866174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383306254075755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183769266657151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356733573454765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492881660060197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874895941218798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256749510386686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023429295085215,0.0,0.18718307273492674,0.15084455894534013,0.2049727832005946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38872877374848014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476817493812622,0.10633169315696203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755671863304847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454551705930848,0.0,0.20969733006375432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qwerty69420XD,2019/03/10,Help I have just got out of a 2 day treatment  after a attempted suicide I feel worst putting my family through this. I am still very sad and I feel like doing it again and being successful I need help I am not getting from my med or therapy. And if anyone for gone through this before I need advice to get back my will to live,3.1710294117647067,4.24603875,4.464000000000002,87.28100000000002,73.26470588235293,7.792941176470588,26.835294117647056,8.238735603445708,1.6089200000000003,257,9,55,4,5,85,50,68,0.161,0.6829999999999999,0.157,-0.3167,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,14,5,1,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,10,2,9,10,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,41,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277447791828423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296186142470487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920973336150267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983179780342127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503052407745819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219709426799675,0.0,0.2356855652495163,0.1664990204062916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352979238204886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864003910264955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124321179064137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386196588668072,0.0,0.2057973744428285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25887853503316616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456239624870424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342909518936043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186123034130566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25493120591025586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665258778187537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229995884640586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlueSocksCat,2019/03/10,"i have no idea what to do i was so scared to post here- still am.

but i just don't know what to do.

i cant talk to anybody. there are so many thoughts have never been spoken by me.

i feel... trapped in my own head, if that makes sense. 

i just- dislike life, its pain for nothing, you know?

i dont even have a reason to feel this way, im just fucking pathetic.",-1.981244725738396,-0.1249525949367083,0.12180379746835612,105.91494198312236,100.26582278481013,3.1396624472573844,15.444092827004221,4.7782277997778095,-1.3189502109704647,271,7,71,1,12,88,57,79,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.9716,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,9,3,1,1,1,0,12,4,1,2,1,14,19,4,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,2,10,0,8,16,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,2,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722576426533649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343408529607985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349189749914871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476058275186827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384101222526442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622420582921716,0.25092734003497563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553355479006561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408263365598533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506420259751147,0.23551900271141205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916656359085892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22290120395620694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24718700369196814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248226933431148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388463992569729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257604791963704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551765083266114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671652800401392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442280742523545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439148247798587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,painofliving,2019/03/10,"Cruelty + Emptiness Here goes it. 
27 F. 


I’ve had issues with suicidal ideation for some time now. My life has become nothing but emotional abuse, unimaginable debt (over $550,000 JUST in student loans), career failure and abandonment.  My uncaring but controlling and horrible manipulative partner of quite some time has stripped me of nothing but raw, tender, unexposed resignation. To experience and express pure despair + loneliness + hurt, only to be met with cruel contempt and blame from those who said they loved you the most stings worse than a thousand knives hitting your body at once. I’ve been hurt so many times over and over and over. I’ve tried talking to family, my therapist, a couples counselor, old (quasi-) friends who I knew once upon a time but who are busy with their own lives now and cannot spare the time to hear me moan again. I hang out with my 3 cats but despite their best efforts there is only so much they can do beyond exhibiting their incomparable cuteness. Yes, I’ve been in regular therapy for years with so many different therapists and modalities including those who seemed to ‘get it’ and those who only crossed paths with me briefly. I’ve been on meds for the various diagnoses. I’ve tried advocating for myself and seeking support and help from any and all resources.  I’ve called the hotlines. I’ve texted chat lines. I’ve been to inpatient rehab. Ive done 12 steps. I’ve stayed at an inpatient dual diagnosis (psych/substance issues) facility for a short time. I’ve done online counseling, group therapy, workshops, retreats... 

From sobriety to academic achievement to maintaining my health... I’ve managed to completely undo whatever I may have attained at some distant point in the past. 

Put simply.... one cannot experience this type of pain for this long and just grin and bear it. Everyone has a breaking point. 

What happens when you’ve “reached out” and “asked for help” and taken EVERY step you are supposed to, yet here you are sitting in what amounts to the feeling one must feel as they scramble for air just before reaching the surface of the water with the sudden realization they aren’t going to make it so their life/legacy/potential future... it’s all over? 



Hey, just a month left to still qualify for the “27 Club.” That’s something I guess. ",6.53109402133466,8.072133335731415,6.260616885801706,75.78820143884893,65.76258992805757,9.7805011163483,35.002811543868354,10.004066432519934,3.698549226825437,1839,86,313,42,29,574,242,417,0.158,0.75,0.091,-0.9862,3,0,1,0,1,0,65.0,0,4,8,6,18,15,2,0,17,1,24,9,1,3,4,53,41,27,1,2,9,0,2,0,2,2,6,2,0,1,18,25,1,2,4,2,2,6,3,8,0,3,11,4,26,7,55,26,11,51,0,5,0,1,32,23,0,7,19,190,44,7,0.0,0.11148718704894818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398782583843213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879661219860682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039205335050804,0.08006791355396027,0.0,0.098746896039632,0.0,0.0,0.10451833146683036,0.0,0.0,0.09608151422550744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986568160086612,0.0,0.10553554221341714,0.0,0.10411432645580096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095504443096993,0.0,0.0983092466455256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925837057147005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584420880847097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927909477232158,0.08991180370519336,0.0,0.18408592848052185,0.0887043906274182,0.0,0.09515451726246947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269756265950211,0.0,0.04916075324471072,0.0,0.053476356237666514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365624954125097,0.0,0.08320789668460027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001858364300573,0.10605190226287484,0.0,0.12613978851526952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014612846671315,0.0,0.0,0.19642146419632164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223449151354884,0.0,0.13292416074313024,0.0,0.0,0.08308760783995961,0.08327111294033282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492441013028024,0.0,0.06280914235808605,0.1907951199766197,0.0,0.0,0.10451833146683036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510573032284486,0.0,0.06917065082671389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805733782079096,0.0,0.09873687275722573,0.2004162055851336,0.12752241276805365,0.2146904600094149,0.10012371291300684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982432342484956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17790037611326526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459146300622301,0.0,0.10008161360525802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895058913959222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566055294575993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724389271413138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029274898194944,0.0751443875884821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029246564499961,0.10677788956111396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562999577956672,0.0,0.0,0.2152116631746202,0.2185030919544702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292053029503909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776865525339542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589084253699656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059409420094779
suicidewatch,fckingtwat,2019/03/10,"Thoughts For the past three years, I have been always contemplated on suicide. I've had a journal of suicide notes. I used to plan them out, thought of the cost to execute them, the pain I would endure, and the consequences that occur after. I never executed them because the timing wasn't right, or I was always too scared to do so. During these three years, I've had ups and downs. This past year lately, there was a time where I could see a future for once, everything was heading in the right direction for me. For two months, family, my friendships, my love life were all inherently balanced, it almost too calm for me to distract myself from these thoughts. But it all disappeared when I no longer have that temporary support in my life. PTSD and abandonment were two things I didn't want anymore, but it reappeared and now my suicidal thoughts have been worst than ever. I am not crying for help, I am screaming for it. The only thing preventing me from grabbing a knife from a kitchen table and jabbing it straight into my chest is occupying myself and typing out this long paragraph of how much I want to die. Everyday has become so unbearable for me. I just need that comfort again, just to keep moving and prevent me killing myself.",6.91381773399015,7.453811810344829,6.487512315270938,78.06586206896554,64.51724137931035,9.387192118226602,33.381773399014776,9.23628265651192,2.9157428571428565,988,39,177,16,14,307,138,232,0.196,0.7340000000000001,0.07,-0.9859,1,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,0,0,3,1,13,11,1,2,12,0,21,7,2,2,4,36,33,14,5,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,14,10,1,4,4,0,1,2,5,7,0,4,15,3,28,4,30,16,4,32,0,1,1,1,5,12,0,2,18,139,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843505821666192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968281017496916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729675165462942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209917815188856,0.13062514787206106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443274849711993,0.0,0.12991923810701106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275049747108008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698626542789737,0.0,0.0,0.1062977017071352,0.0,0.11149889008259477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138399613313194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927705897772393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051280151927278,0.13085346584820798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341904810583236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708188042541328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466941493107623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674756236382384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944057617735491,0.12570732106394647,0.08694553605428214,0.08769921428630892,0.09122076385268978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595872830673846,0.0,0.08995326249000198,0.1258526526340622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258132273600231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825683108462278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201194784137647,0.0,0.0,0.1184136387943286,0.0,0.09424964742223067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38812007641794544,0.13421676297211502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715295141724325,0.0,0.0,0.3755876995800305,0.13793389342078125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310744521385345,0.0,0.0,0.10215139265125717,0.0,0.0,0.1395230013192779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401897534212112,0.0,0.0,0.2284951466723981
suicidewatch,A_SpiderBesider,2019/03/10,"I feel alone. First time poster,
There’s a large gaping hole in my chest of where my heart should be. The girl I’ve been in love with for six years broke up with me. She said that she’s needs to work on herself and make herself happy/find herself and that I should do the same. I’ve reached out to a therapist today to start my “recovery”, but I have not had the session yet. She said that she needs space so she’ll be away for a month. In the meantime I have to work on myself and show her that I will fight to the end to be with her. But the reason I’m posting here is because I feel dead. I’ve suffered from Bipolar disorder since I was 15(diagnosed), 26 now, and I have huge waves of depression that just render me useless/defeated. There’s the possibility that we’ll be able to get back together and work things out like she said was possible, but there’s also the chance that it won’t work out and I’ll never see my best friend again. I’m so utterly fucking lost and I’m ready to give up and just die. I won’t take my life whether I’m a coward or I’m not taking it for my family. I just need help. I need to feel like I’m wanted. I need to feel like there is hope that we can get back together, that there’s a chance. I can’t go on feeling this way. ",2.37747232472325,3.27856271586716,3.671621771217712,92.87289391143914,74.97785977859779,7.191217712177122,22.775092250922512,7.554174236665415,0.5962057564575649,980,25,236,12,20,321,135,271,0.151,0.716,0.132,-0.8899,0,1,0,0,1,0,26.0,2,0,0,7,18,13,2,0,13,0,23,6,2,2,1,43,56,16,2,9,10,0,5,3,1,7,2,3,0,1,13,15,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,6,0,2,8,9,35,7,31,37,2,31,0,4,1,2,22,15,1,2,16,151,48,5,0.11033278198706016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427148751254165,0.0,0.0882330858929158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366128060993066,0.16967819782371918,0.0,0.06725783982745394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578744770371074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502946345324574,0.1119854512300507,0.11450800840278284,0.0,0.12645092694112364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772209633583766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040119274912653,0.0,0.27893784850913395,0.15764352299417606,0.0,0.0,0.10084216388929416,0.09384900799466556,0.0,0.0,0.08524283367090336,0.10200087906827407,0.11528864954119493,0.10584125811401704,0.06270466262320495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074487788629946,0.07395373805069799,0.0,0.0,0.10958534760388787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793130684547131,0.16170907246437558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044126498476102,0.0,0.09957964342273368,0.0,0.07364798872445566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880665739459309,0.0,0.0,0.4090517991090042,0.08509544326867616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876726777057895,0.10566830634569448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344047578158875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148552248676224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792094241024791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126841740720563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809411097015354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165913041940262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810486378540556,0.07330019776761999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433593244938397,0.0,0.10458257645015506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507713343977856,0.08757702677305293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32129431737468456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105069419731518
suicidewatch,BIGCATFISHBISH,2019/03/10,Honestly thought about killing me self today I just want it all to go away tbh,1.1156250000000014,3.6526993125000047,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,87.125,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.2425999999999997,63,3,14,1,2,19,16,16,0.213,0.58,0.208,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045103844957457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446881520095628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763332914442407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491514276796024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418039484228469,0.0,0.0,0.4081054947661451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539460839641984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whtevr22883,2019/03/10,"Death truly is the only answer Even if I can get over this.  Another moment will come that I don’t want to deal with.  I just don’t.  
I’m 26 and I’m exhausted. I think this is just a really bad moment for me but how many more am I going to have to suffer through? I’ve struggled my whole life with these episodes and I’m just... tired.  I know I won’t do it because I’m a coward.   But I wish to have the courage to end it one day.  I care too much about my family though.  I hate that I care.  I’m tired of the pain.  I’m tired.  ",-1.7897198879551794,0.03626991596638973,1.0888739495798347,101.38602801120449,93.53781512605042,4.517871148459384,13.815686274509805,6.079149491110277,-1.0204794397759105,396,7,105,4,15,137,71,119,0.28600000000000003,0.5720000000000001,0.142,-0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,1,5,0,11,6,0,1,0,17,27,7,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,0,0,14,3,12,25,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786492047326647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225295231865182,0.10385678741340246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474098711644554,0.0,0.0,0.14675982352961553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987541970270027,0.17564537035494113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089843817137238,0.0,0.0,0.11252866312853023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061093650392808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901199322856249,0.0,0.09682595861827048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682064259665769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936316327594574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033831578092087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272979771957495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252425379317222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544802909444045,0.12957508114565675,0.1812871176214123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914424288433812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781091159443032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091670752516264,0.16738897633245406,0.0,0.0,0.5874503773959018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048943038414199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021351657709026,0.19591863268974136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AwkwardWaterLily,2019/03/10,"Getting abused by my girlfriend I was sent here from another sub so here's the same op

I don't have a desire or purpose anymore. My hobbies don't fulfill and even my dream since birth pretty much doesn't have any more allure.

My friends tell me how ugly and shit I am. They told me to go through with it when I was 16 but I was too afraid so was institutionalized instead when I told my parents. Now they continue to give me that idea, and my girlfriend does too.

She keeps hitting me or yelling at me when I forget something or do something wrong even though I have a lot of stress between working and being a math major so I sometimes forget to get the right stuff from the store. Last time she threw a knife at me and made me cry because I forgot to get her new tampons on the way home from a 16 hour day.

She keeps telling me how shit I am as a person whenever I do these mistakes and it pushes me to cry almost every night. I try to work hard and be a good bf but I can't necessarily always keep everything in mind and deal with everything that's on my plate.

Clearly I am worthless and these people want me to go, so I will. I just want to know how I can minimize their suffering in the aftermath.


I don't really know what to do, I cried to some of my friends about the situation and they all just called me a pussy and laughed at me so I'm very alone. ",3.3822535211267564,4.227137084507047,4.448704225352113,88.45932394366197,72.52112676056338,7.370140845070423,27.22816901408451,7.554174236665415,1.2777611267605633,1068,37,237,12,20,349,153,284,0.184,0.7340000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9844,1,1,2,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,4,2,24,12,2,2,14,0,22,2,2,4,2,44,43,29,0,4,7,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,8,13,0,4,3,1,1,5,5,8,0,0,10,2,48,4,29,29,7,27,0,2,0,0,23,8,2,6,13,165,56,3,0.0,0.1292876387741965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092664658703397,0.1130139095608063,0.0,0.0,0.09079537506036693,0.0,0.0,0.07420435596166976,0.11442031409270408,0.0,0.0,0.10821628075637814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651765539221527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142223992620168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595848107040437,0.07037243771817339,0.11249643386331312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549037860555692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144143546553883,0.0,0.09193708477700714,0.0,0.19613743380664328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860944238838246,0.0,0.17102981631187,0.10467645632937668,0.1240291734184696,0.09152346280228824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774878789999683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094548028202984,0.0,0.10745979167608004,0.0,0.0,0.12318156120551887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29096874330214273,0.0,0.0,0.119937402972284,0.08894618226127324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927686892526864,0.0,0.10325061056308382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017862948681263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021468972872997,0.0,0.0,0.10538737573130666,0.0,0.10240036745716756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116323667284698,0.0,0.0,0.0756490633928654,0.09527810912458128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101279436706796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990413738994357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318664564604937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240172473824616,0.09026399231465154,0.12265382229819405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800958196791949,0.10792103628902372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499493056608475,0.0,0.12491463357968464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074884491640895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072084215335646,0.0,0.06362790412216192,0.0,0.0,0.20853490175278705,0.0,0.07408433284720531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003423172330594,0.12872189612885654,0.08661322608798494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588792082635591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930400491247532,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nobio22,2019/03/10,"Relief Some times my mind runs and I can't catch it
What is the purpose of reflection if it only leads to more tension
A flawed perspective
In the mirror is only a death wish
The possibility of it getting better
Is respecting the present
Some times the test seems more then the question
Having responsibility towards your self is a blessing
I see every day in every face a glimpse of this depression
Is it me or is it them that falls to the pressure
I question where I am daily and honestly it never seems to lessen
I fall victim  to my own thoughts
The contest of contesting 
",4.467747747747751,6.4320355945945975,5.378558558558559,78.46801801801804,71.43243243243242,7.816216216216216,30.35135135135136,8.515128840125781,2.4735297297297296,465,20,83,8,9,152,71,111,0.123,0.73,0.147,0.4464,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,1,2,1,9,1,2,12,0,9,1,1,1,1,16,15,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,1,1,10,5,11,14,5,15,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,8,6,63,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819694113770528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269191574737516,0.0,0.17721242328037426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467069865092793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074960344902334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20774914007632708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868730774407688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129647340025813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23195253741568045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609748259116632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395634254296212,0.3746146731346349,0.2146424249314818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334274772242208,0.23994929738748075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366026794031824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,danielle216,2019/03/11,"Lethal dose What are the chances of being successful with a mix of zopiclone, sertraline and mirtazepine?? 
I cannot cope, I’m doing everything people tell me to do and I cannot manage to function. I need the hurt to stop",2.1481395348837222,4.825181488372099,3.1314418604651166,87.92925581395347,82.95348837209302,6.2306976744186064,24.879069767441862,7.554174236665415,1.5147804651162793,176,7,33,3,5,56,33,43,0.13,0.741,0.13,-0.0926,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,8,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,22,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261805583565565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5076411160266775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35161343577254034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32875070760541303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964525960160318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144718713536565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oof-im-doing-bad,2019/03/11,"I know I'm going to have to kill myself Being transgender is a death sentence. I will never be able to be a real man because I don't have a penis. Getting a penis would cost me thousands of dollars that I don't have. Even if I save up and go through with it, how many years of my life will have been wasted? Not being a man means that I'm nothing. I don't want to live or remember anything about my life if I'm not a man. I can feel my lower parts attached to me and it instantly makes me suicidal. I have to shove a $350 funnel in between my legs and pretend I'm not a freak. But I am a freak. I feel disgusting and inhuman. My basic rights of having a name and a body have been stolen from me since birth. God played a cruel joke on me by forcing me into this body and I can't correct any of it. I have to die. It's the only way out of this hell of a life and this filthy husk of a body that my soul was shoved into just so God can laugh as I cry and suffer. I'm going to fill a bucket of water and keep my head in it until I lose consciousness. Maybe then I can finally be free. And I want them to burn my body. I don't want anyone to see it or touch it. I fucking hate being aroused and not being able to do a thing about it because there's no penis to jerk off. I have to die all because God hates me. Fuck you God. If I'm reincarnated or whatever, I'll just keep killing myself over and over again. This is my legacy. I want to scream. I want my body to be dripping with bloody scars as I scream like an animal. I want to cut off my lower parts and scream. Scream sxream scream. Fucking kill me",1.005641025641026,2.3754849914529927,3.0926581196581218,93.72873076923081,79.42735042735043,5.933561253561254,20.247008547008548,6.588339656340683,0.05722290598290593,1236,30,294,11,30,420,162,351,0.254,0.642,0.104,-0.9967,2,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,1,1,1,9,28,13,0,18,0,35,15,8,2,3,54,64,26,7,10,13,0,3,1,0,3,3,5,0,3,16,18,1,2,6,3,3,4,11,22,0,1,3,9,46,7,46,50,3,24,2,2,1,4,6,12,4,6,8,199,62,0,0.18581725884918066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631810539813787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496387392690664,0.0,0.07645588568816791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990871445152814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160027126975164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205576676977243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284897792370986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061365273492788926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395478925807216,0.0,0.0,0.10177686219671014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576775923799737,0.048540924212083086,0.0,0.15840634554659996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183456073247644,0.0953510579298676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651629174524714,0.3083688986989317,0.0,0.0510601529611856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968723377915668,0.04539046334071086,0.0,0.08204002194691133,0.0,0.0,0.10394099121909617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062017231588245014,0.09419476765052254,0.09333920602556003,0.10120473454140963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165686264756663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914833569248673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066119930058573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012219835739765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575036057273443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524736568317188,0.07934346188447355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403614873059658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685497835130622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162696090974732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172436503902976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287995008852457,0.07374654549650772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599962466442487,0.0,0.0,0.059830111220366376
suicidewatch,SexualFavoursPanda,2019/03/11,"No options left This post would be the length of a book if I wrote what I've been through in my life. I'm not special in that of course. My question is honestly, what do you do when you have no one and no where to turn.

It's like the epidemic of prisoners who re-offend because they have no way to function in society after being incarcerated for years. I cant and wont exhaust you with the history of my life because, just like everyone, it is a lot. 

I have fines that I literally can not pay. I can barely afford my car to get to work to pay the car i drive to get there, my rent is insane, I have no health insurance, I have been hospitalized for serious conditions 3 times in the last week and I have not one single person to turn to that will be there for me. 

I am intelligent and passionate. I want so many things for my life but if I could just end it all right now I'd do it in a heartbeat. ",4.488938600666351,4.013624109947647,6.009043312708236,82.90724416944312,69.68062827225131,9.877391718229417,29.40552118039029,9.573946990214177,2.2519696335078527,699,23,161,14,11,240,107,191,0.09,0.8370000000000001,0.073,-0.241,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,1,1,8,8,0,0,8,0,25,6,0,0,1,21,32,9,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,1,12,5,0,0,1,1,3,3,10,2,0,2,3,0,23,6,24,22,3,21,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,5,10,120,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257407612104355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783331152558413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399471400304252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692606264849953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934744527412639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681391615341928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092819171112745,0.0,0.0,0.2011743208897372,0.0,0.3923469570510888,0.1809173433976438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741440678354568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772078836664247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509352216363699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167251200942867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773298396996521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741893548375856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812361544276707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301051062142315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796691063499532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027966924693008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921077511392337,0.1469695186391184,0.14852229268238426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479696932509658,0.0,0.0,0.13153067715900466,0.0,0.0,0.11923545146394098
suicidewatch,--rfs,2019/03/11,"Highly suicidal and I have no idea what to do I don't even know why I'm posting here. I'm planning on killing myself in the next week. I've spent the better part of two years daydreaming about it almost constantly. I feel like all the things that have kept me from taking my own life, my self-pity and emotion, they're all gone and my options are running out and I'm just so tired.

​

I'm supposed to be a programmer. I've been searching for a job for months—years, really. I can't seem to find work. I've applied to hundreds of places. I've watched the friends who would call me up for coding advice land their first jobs, their second jobs, and on and on. I started shutting them out of my life because it hurts so much to get a call asking about how to solve a problem or do something in some programming language but not being able to find a job myself.

​

Hundreds of applications and a dozen or so interviews later, I'm losing my optimism about ever finding work in my industry. So months ago I started applying to bars and restaurants around my city. They're all looking for ""experience."" I've applied to several drugstores like CVS, some fast food places, Starbucks, and Apple. I put time even into these applications. I haven't gotten a call back. I'm so depressed I can hardly even bring myself to look at job listings in the past few weeks. The memory of all the rejection makes my heart jump into my throat. I'm not on any medication and I have no idea if some pharmaceutical would chill me out enough to just trudge forward because I don't have health insurance and there's no way I can afford to see anyone.

​

I don't understand. I'm not un-personable and I'm not dumb. I do my best to be kind. I try to act happy-go-lucky, and I like making people laugh. I've always enjoyed talking to people, and I always thought they enjoyed talking to me. I've felt that the few interviews I've gotten went well. But I'm even starting to question that. I feel like I'm the butt of some cosmic joke designed to see how long someone just striving to work and be productive in society can countenance being denied that dignity before calling it all off.

​

I love the people in my life. My girlfriend is very sweet. I love my dog. But I can't bear to tell her I'm not going to be able to make rent again this month or that I can't afford tickets to our friends' wedding. I can't keep repeating the same sad story about not being able to find work. I'm sick of waking up with a ""grind-it-and-you'll-find-it"" attitude, of hearing my friends and family talk about how perseverance pays off, and somehow still failing every single time. I just want a fucking job. Any job.

​

I'm about to miss my student loan payment and the credit score I've spent years maintaining is going to go down the tubes. How do I explain to my girlfriend months from now that I can't apply for housing with her because my credit score is ruined? I'm tired. So tired. I can't even cry. I think I give up. I know this is probably tantamount to me screaming in the void, but I can't exactly tell her what I'm planning on doing, and she's already stressed out enough dealing with her own problems that I just don't want to pile them on top. To anyone who made it this far, thanks. ",3.807025796661609,5.232833722306528,4.626983004552353,85.36443201820941,72.17147192716237,7.335732928679818,28.05101669195751,7.839951260653429,1.6904107192716236,2609,98,517,34,50,842,287,659,0.107,0.747,0.146,0.9808,10,0,2,0,0,1,92.0,1,0,5,13,36,36,3,1,23,0,39,18,4,8,7,96,100,37,2,7,19,0,4,4,5,2,9,2,1,0,20,29,2,2,17,3,7,11,21,15,1,4,11,12,68,21,81,80,20,73,0,8,5,4,38,35,3,13,31,320,88,19,0.15171565582373497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049418260993312924,0.04482892496296152,0.0,0.050640438008797375,0.0,0.05580733295008825,0.0,0.08415971955542344,0.2739730828314756,0.3072518798864839,0.06878123234110581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072207607777181,0.0,0.0,0.045019699756680014,0.04727788602903142,0.0,0.0,0.03888665815996875,0.0,0.09248445561634283,0.0,0.04303294957331416,0.0,0.05307207355829242,0.044726722844699175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655819656434254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054650241990431496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555084130133602,0.0,0.05213739311405964,0.043557490683284905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056886564144233015,0.0,0.10450855241139907,0.0,0.16701126634524824,0.0457451655259285,0.04260899449135908,0.0,0.0,0.049469007782501365,0.047674672654342484,0.0,0.05114132941992176,0.07225712988979846,0.04855694059424786,0.0,0.23110893477007186,0.043016419779896765,0.06115172441349876,0.0,0.11721513934246132,0.04675289303184497,0.0264217227783768,0.04851316051549261,0.11496467132438545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530247587543286,0.0,0.0,0.053755549198907314,0.05699819015711826,0.059927927544509374,0.0,0.05343197338176388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835316569557389,0.05413824913904575,0.1141790056879336,0.0,0.0,0.3512935493557568,0.0449506152698144,0.055950298208155225,0.05266283630209705,0.05558597115570108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716125447329024,0.09882747464225676,0.0,0.0,0.04475452706357989,0.08493529355174806,0.056577003834983264,0.0,0.0,0.09128620183706636,0.04785234062383673,0.1012713783537178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050945853981966785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109798902671873,0.0,0.03717615455251328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537837737150437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547644235581247,0.04827658682268016,0.10518053296560073,0.04415741957321338,0.10567371286967073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048433886732777084,0.0,0.054525045770271965,0.09678092865096112,0.0,0.05083871274939036,0.056652085427184126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032397644674026345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059848999956026,0.04603874500679765,0.05275750565974065,0.0571318356454317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284939428117955,0.0389327080031418,0.0,0.0,0.1073851220682347,0.0,0.040386772906645586,0.0,0.057929923717464776,0.0,0.0,0.055317434341266083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03802376397770554,0.12194329726421654,0.08840411355210864,0.04655979741376401,0.0,0.0,0.033597713438810316,0.032404422080721584,0.0,0.040148427973613184,0.05897774598386995,0.17437482809481414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03433499047570457,0.0,0.04940138353092829,0.05264711608416127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172710166780832,0.05965721641462614,0.04014160860346052,0.08113143183634285,0.0,0.045470198301108426,0.046880644307571925,0.04563326050673836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726773915255872,0.0,0.0,0.07184963264157508,0.0,0.3072518798864839,0.09769990815731933
suicidewatch,muffinrecipe,2019/03/11,"Needto vent about therapist's response to suicide I recently had an experience with a therapist who kept telling me that because I was talking about suicide, it meant I wouldn't go through with it. It became weirdly humiliating to show up to his office alive, because I was just proving him right even though it hurt a lot to hear. I confronted him about it and he apologized, but then said something to the same effect again - I told him a situation felt like life or death because it triggered suicidal thoughts and he told me, ""Well, it's clear what side you're on."" I don't know why but it hurts so much even just thinking about it. A few weeks ago I came the closest I feel like I have ever come to hanging myself and felt like I couldn't tell him, so I left therapy but the feelings remain, and are way more intense than they were before. He also said things like I should consider what damage I would be doing to my family and the people that love me, and that he's not someone that does risk assessments, rather someone that gets at the underlying cause, so didn't always ask about whether or not I had been feeling suicidal, so sometimes I had felt reluctant to bring it up.

He kept bringing up all this triggering stuff and gave me nothing in terms of ways to deal with the suicidal feelings. He said I could email him during the week but I couldn't trust him after everything he said. Now I'm stuck with these really intense impulses. I'm seeing a new person next week but it's so hard feeling like he held this kind of weird disgust for me for being suicidal. He said that when he feels suicidal, he recognizes it as a self-indulgent feeling and tries to reach out sooner than later. But I don't feel like I am throwing a pity party for myself, and the suggestion that I might be made me feel even worse! How do people deal with this? I just need to hear anyone tell me I'm not crazy and that they would understand how shitty hearing those kinds of responses feel. Anyone have similar experiences with invalidating mental health practitioners? I am really trying to help myself get through but sometimes it is so hard.",6.6257116788321175,6.806329408759125,6.7359519464720226,77.27064324817519,65.13138686131387,10.061678832116787,32.94008515815085,9.827888789773867,3.0551369829683703,1701,65,319,33,24,545,211,411,0.208,0.691,0.101,-0.9948,0,0,1,0,0,3,33.0,0,0,2,1,27,20,2,1,16,0,29,3,0,7,4,79,77,33,8,9,17,0,15,6,0,5,2,8,0,1,31,19,0,3,20,1,0,7,9,9,1,0,27,24,43,11,43,39,7,36,0,4,1,1,45,12,0,4,21,214,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634868673226874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083484672387325,0.05289318979456136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889564300849508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942696130712215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625033661716072,0.0,0.05409119662529613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270419952697901,0.0,0.0653012558223185,0.0,0.05475770790432148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075341625183428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107044766514553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562828190070404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595705387746844,0.05750037512311641,0.0,0.0,0.057130302646227524,0.12436227836359795,0.05992571083697771,0.0,0.3214160001534592,0.13623774314342127,0.1831040898136608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664227117199755,0.0,0.036126832480861217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388785358605162,0.0,0.0,0.06756920011873914,0.21493532339600155,0.0,0.04260790496466756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610048617003795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323913820227188,0.034934994291625374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906619314639323,0.0,0.04489955211686352,0.1863349973401817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054042751454825004,0.05737208280753394,0.06014903443359889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406101307830289,0.06743499233888542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672937146096548,0.04713444010122822,0.0,0.061393815079243824,0.06760467753469887,0.0,0.0,0.060994658611626125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813929707673514,0.055504623510203736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144584025195252,0.0,0.06276516325453227,0.0,0.0,0.05428623353555103,0.3023358893545042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065500754068367,0.0,0.06631468770783185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145244895495413,0.0,0.0,0.107720945662318,0.04893730930912335,0.12573961727600816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276949313393419,0.4867271179875395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051093088240970114,0.16668219362300524,0.0,0.07269489032576144,0.14761335952858504,0.042231372513354806,0.04073143913389455,0.06245467221188278,0.05046543481797405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148279722251085,0.0,0.08631621765944279,0.0,0.0,0.06617593114344915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091372612636088,0.1529698617732974,0.0,0.057154749123255175,0.0,0.057359713689113176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478063668710947,0.09031294961665397,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brun_me,2019/03/11,"Give me reasons Give me good reasons to still alive.
Instead I’ll kill myself.",2.1020000000000003,4.949599533333338,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,87.0,3.0,27.5,3.1291,0.5750000000000006,63,3,11,0,2,19,12,15,0.222,0.519,0.259,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5928005948534385,0.0,0.2591564765123631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418388918346161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6353626432835929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675060075321845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAcount2223,2019/03/11,"My best friend is suicidal and I don't know how to help her. My best friend has gone through a lot of trauma in her life, and there have been a few recent events that have made it feel like it's all her fault to her, that there's something wrong with her. She feels like there's nothing she can do, and there's noone to help her. I want to help her so much, I feel terrible about it because I feel like I can't do anything to help at all. She's older than me, and has lived her life more than me as well, so she has more experience with these things, while I feel unqualified and naive about these topics not wanting to say something harmful. I'm really worried about her, it's what's dead center on my mind. I don't know what I can do to help, and she doesn't know what people can do to help either. Please help me help her",4.631079545454547,4.0664181306818215,4.884227272727274,91.39259090909091,69.39772727272728,8.176363636363638,24.986363636363638,7.1686216300943375,0.6770381818181823,645,13,156,5,10,203,84,176,0.125,0.631,0.244,0.965,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,0,0,2,0,18,2,0,2,2,26,31,11,2,2,2,0,5,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,3,6,29,8,21,28,10,10,0,0,0,0,26,4,0,1,8,108,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670250921069284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163433255807812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466435602492552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494945819360987,0.0,0.0,0.2970884383798165,0.25185216877532585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157923332179032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6301274830149108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374485826377275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660046521141876,0.17223154214124786,0.0,0.10376540545647482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990465084374688,0.0,0.11119286346292603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865380009132576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638497142133754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275610341604834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146814755929987,0.0,0.0,0.1289930824031106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528130983346183,0.0,0.1160290982840952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934503999622955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093323038325465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853924894039184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780698689837383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386234535843253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565756001512684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193393201993137,0.0,0.0,0.12848111847927568,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,420conradical69,2019/03/11,"I keep thinking about killing myself. Hey. I'm 14. I remember being depressed since I was 11. My mom says I've shown symptoms since I was somewhere around 7 to 9 years old. When I was 12 I began experiencing gender dysphoria, and I'm currently transitioning to male. I'll be on hormones in June at the very latest.  


I'm diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, general anxiety, depression, and gender dysphoria. I'm not officially diagnosed with autism, but my brother has it and I show many symptoms that I've discussed with my therapist.  


Recently I started cutting myself. For as long as I can remember, I would bash my head into the wall or pick holes in my skin with my fingers. This year I had an episode during school and I scraped a deep cut in my arm with a pencil. It's healing now, but I've picked at it so much in the past month it isn't fully healed yet.  


I did that for a while. Before that, when I was 13, I broke a plastic swan from a wedding cake and tried to cut myself with that. It didn't work so I gave up. More recently I broke a razor and I've been using that. My parents still think it's just pencils. My whole right arm is covered. I cut deep yesterday and bled all over my arm. I found a big bandaid and it looks fine now.  


I have a very skewed perception of time. Waiting until June for hormones feels like an eternity. I'd rather be dead than wait an eternity. Everything hurts so, so much right now. My parents won't let me get a service dog because they don't like dogs, but I don't know what I'm going to do to myself if nobody is there to stop me.  


I've never seriously considered suicide before and it scares me. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live when my life is like this. I feel selfish because there's no trauma to blame my issues on, or I vent too much to my friends, or I'm not doing   enough to help myself. I always convince  myself that I'm selfish for dealing with these  issues.  


I can't do my homework. I never  get it done. I have projects  that are weeks late. I tried to do my homework yesterday, my dad said I make people angry with me. I was being an asshole, I think? I feel bad about that. I want to get it done, but I have panic attacks even thinking about going to school. I'm in a very intense program, some people say it's like having every class be a boss level AP class, if I remember correctly. There are no better schools to transfer to.  


I just want to overdose on my meds or stab myself or something. I'm so weak for not being able to deal with my problems. Every other kid does their homework and exists and nobody else at my school kills themselves because of it. Why can't I just be a normal kid? Why can't I just get through high school?   


I hate myself so much. I wish I didn't exist. I wish I existed, but the ""me"" who I want to exist isn't the ""me"" I am now. He's an idealized me without the problems I have. I'm so selfish for wanting to kill myself, and I'm so weak for not being able to actually do it. I just want to get out of this self-hating loop I'm in.",1.9461249484778875,3.5706707599364087,3.8106474121180014,88.48875920037683,77.48966613672495,6.503456397574046,24.84369663781429,7.315561048560121,1.0716005770476364,2344,83,501,29,54,792,271,629,0.197,0.721,0.08199999999999999,-0.9973,3,0,1,0,0,7,77.0,0,0,2,3,33,35,9,2,23,0,50,17,6,5,4,90,98,39,6,17,24,5,5,4,1,2,11,3,3,3,28,24,0,4,13,1,0,2,21,26,0,0,16,10,87,9,68,71,9,62,0,5,1,0,23,25,0,8,39,327,115,18,0.13410819752130596,0.0,0.0654351277203645,0.0,0.0805859961240808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579438176071908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051296202016760266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969236419146996,0.0,0.07628371758424186,0.0,0.0,0.05598737161356887,0.12262666869255227,0.0,0.11411619855515727,0.0,0.0,0.05930390126026045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382596629732742,0.115507194014434,0.13611699752874487,0.06959156803665466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867949369504497,0.13723924743596447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601509532050247,0.0,0.0,0.06928480871020151,0.0,0.044288599829144376,0.0,0.1129919404508312,0.0,0.06026390029282731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171370125087098,0.04790346155265293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352135827408532,0.05180583036759672,0.0,0.17516499523288187,0.0,0.07621677917598284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620204027320009,0.06881685043639076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044944948959526325,0.07084633686611656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178279956913626,0.0,0.0,0.13997411580867578,0.0,0.05960076392820185,0.2225562761622144,0.0,0.036851179062676,0.0,0.07563994407297807,0.0,0.0,0.06856735903695299,0.04736229297993996,0.1310369824843962,0.0,0.05920999769369471,0.05934076733374511,0.056308554952635724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044759131606345995,0.06798233158634015,0.0,0.0,0.07448198745858675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853295004995955,0.05352194189733532,0.0,0.1971699117302729,0.0,0.10343250943656174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569877985223095,0.0,0.0,0.07036199693579727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867353728295233,0.14891128271224222,0.0,0.06401072459646848,0.09297373836445086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128323433320202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241566611879066,0.0,0.227877667441409,0.11452766792845312,0.06378380315549134,0.1066482213778523,0.06713285054152099,0.3393116389663058,0.0,0.0,0.06995204896290975,0.0,0.0,0.11093568682549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051621521192816586,0.0,0.0,0.04746123622834245,0.0,0.053549489887567935,0.056060229047694025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334630072353221,0.0,0.0,0.13938976633635958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785497685532858,0.0,0.1718622358399477,0.0,0.0,0.03909978422211485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910506630236822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791321206990493,0.0,0.16597996185257044,0.2768517133257833,0.0,0.05378675338490907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101178906721916,0.07486350662635037,0.15421780870813787,0.06463775837417512,0.0,0.04881618250821722,0.0,0.0,0.04763330788348767,0.0,0.0,0.08636128229375158
suicidewatch,guywannadie911,2019/03/11,"Please help me. To start with,I took admission in a reputed college for JEE engineering entrance examination preparations.My parents didn't have too much money and they took a loan just to pay for my fees which was way too high for us. I studied sincerely for 2 months but after that I committed a huge mistake of being with bad people and I lost interest in studies and I also have a GF and I talked to her daily for atleast 3 to 4 hours and wasted all of my time and didn't study well.Now after 2 years I am writing this post just to vent out my depression. I feel very sorry for my parents as I didn't get selected in any college for higher studies

There are still 2 months for my final exam which is MHCET and I still have some hopes left with it. But at the same time my depression is not letting me study at all and I am worried about it. Anyone who would just help me give enough of some motivation to start my studies will be of great help. To be honest I feel useless and I never want my parents to do anything good for me because I wasted their money.

I know there are still chances at life and if I start studying I will surely get selected but my depression and sadness isn't letting me study at all. 

I deserve nothing after what I have done with my life but my parents love me a lot and will do anything to see me happy.

Please help me as I have been having suicidal thoughts lately. Thank you.",4.082412587412584,5.053350772727273,5.0876993006993025,84.05616433566433,70.99300699300699,7.817902097902098,28.985314685314684,8.07648339933343,1.8629530069930071,1115,42,225,15,20,366,144,286,0.163,0.632,0.205,0.9198,4,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,2,2,12,18,0,0,6,0,30,3,0,1,6,46,48,20,1,5,9,4,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,8,16,0,0,6,0,5,2,6,8,0,0,10,3,43,10,39,29,9,33,0,6,1,1,19,11,0,5,18,165,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901681959012519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719291134127205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908893641506421,0.0,0.16262133107426818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825006547826196,0.060232514162741786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25530987248518305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111501441333054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209520326356693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992071082837896,0.0,0.0,0.10823946811954052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324633134379793,0.0947857542661175,0.0,0.08287556494523049,0.0,0.10893630350080484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051830833651113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649160059825839,0.10439620600064248,0.0,0.09813876000944448,0.09730609694358344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430235988155427,0.0,0.11145986557134667,0.0,0.10735531383165113,0.20207599872013352,0.139582197564864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786073738889176,0.08400313204553157,0.08917818797285089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773540084161908,0.0,0.07263533879324184,0.0,0.07620691513457065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480905807890899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388589060073809,0.0,0.0,0.06850111080045944,0.0,0.0,0.21692329321116605,0.0,0.0,0.09463086793819377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873728062799326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060760321404156,0.2098106922748562,0.0,0.2367248819693971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808004843198978,0.0,0.09312548578636452,0.0,0.0,0.07941822580421218,0.0,0.09096924359178572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844261201787782,0.11523162124659672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955891867625346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885400503101635,0.0,0.0,0.08152704880274939,0.05827959047804706,0.07842928822827781,0.0,0.0,0.08884036819708185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034444431026594,0.0,0.07019045503642547,0.0,0.0,0.06362919111721976
suicidewatch,TurquoiseLily18,2019/03/11,i really want to hang myself i wanna feel the noose tighten around my neck  strangle me and cry because i have nothing to live for,3.91,5.442655384615384,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,72.07692307692308,6.7384615384615385,28.384615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.6486,104,4,19,1,2,34,23,26,0.121,0.8170000000000001,0.062,-0.3626,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39477160905236464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703278605686265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48711775341165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422567246446248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915815092622327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255098793277977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284090528959479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261562998452612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Taitoman55,2019/03/11,"Today was terrible started at the DMV and apparently my birth certificate wasnt good enough for a real id. then the woman who i was sent to by someone else REFUSED to help me and someone else asked me what window she was - i think she got in trouble :(

then my parents kept arguing all day and yelling about whatever. they yell a lot but they havent yelled this much in a while :(

then to top it off my stupid video game capture device broke. thats like the one thing thta keeps me sane is making video game clips and stuff. and now thats gone :(

i hate today and i wanna die. im 22 and male but autistic and disabled. i know this doesnt sound that bad but i really hate everything right now",1.3417021276595733,3.6118923900709285,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,82.54609929078015,5.745815602836879,20.747517730496455,7.03164865440522,0.43887858156028425,541,16,116,7,15,174,94,141,0.26,0.6729999999999999,0.067,-0.986,2,0,0,0,1,1,13.0,0,0,2,1,3,10,4,0,6,0,7,0,0,1,1,21,19,15,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,10,8,0,3,2,4,0,2,3,8,0,1,8,4,16,2,11,11,4,19,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,1,12,72,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821908854862053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024191827831893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604605429060486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867487323746624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063262950016945,0.0,0.0,0.18592554478203532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617179682129138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092466706572086,0.1439140098201332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35530589266575097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060961523980228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436547549046426,0.0,0.0,0.15993844406969976,0.0,0.0,0.09889001168707197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879093224349848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297807918206255,0.0,0.0,0.1201109750145761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227619421744596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193162299891094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980145632118032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048104791401502,0.11527381437571513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366730058589606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049242111381336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273620634314338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059876113448263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954376996729267,0.11529792901519575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411231031430292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bomb482,2019/03/11,"idk if im allowed to post letters on here but here we go 3-25-19  


Hey guys,  


I sent this out on a delayed email so that it'll reach you guys an hour after I've gone. If you're reading this i've already died/or somehow you're on my google keep account by mistake and are seeing this prematurely. Anyways - Hi. So I'm dead now.   
As an overarching theme, I love each and every one of you; none of you did anything wrong, I promise. I know every person in my life right now is/has been very helpful and loving towards me, and I'm extremely grateful for all of you. This is something that I have been thinking about for years. I get that this probably could have been prevented (and no there was nothing that triggered this thought process, it's just been like this for a while), but I would not be happy. I haven't been happy in a very long time. I chose to kill myself because regardless of how my life turned out, I know that I would not be content. I'm gonna be brutally honest; most of what I say to everyone is horribly fabricated and not genuine. If I acted how my mind felt, I would be completely blank. This is why I do not have friends on campus and why I do not seek out friends. I'd rather just sit in this blank state rather than pretend to be someone I'm not. I've wasted a lot of time just being a blank person. I \*know\* that you guys will never be the same after this. I know. I know that it's not something you recover from. There's a decent chance this impacts some of you more than others, and that's okay. I just hope you don't become like me.   


I love you.  


J",2.199826635145783,3.664122793313073,3.580459304289093,91.09560846560848,76.38601823708206,6.3330406394236185,24.95114263199369,6.937597516519254,0.8303568839356066,1225,42,271,12,27,402,169,329,0.14800000000000002,0.698,0.153,0.1995,1,0,2,0,0,1,43.0,1,9,0,0,19,17,2,0,9,1,31,5,0,4,2,61,55,19,2,12,18,0,1,2,2,6,2,1,0,5,24,13,0,3,8,2,1,4,12,4,0,1,11,3,38,13,33,30,8,31,0,0,1,3,27,12,0,8,14,184,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225476404251199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913855857613536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769571436021965,0.12264720521473615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643495612207573,0.0,0.0,0.08866525988748793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713066759427466,0.10611407648055253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066264625369162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159559492975868,0.0,0.058019611604671735,0.0,0.06311289421254541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3298741186776193,0.0,0.2364319028016353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443520546889494,0.0,0.0,0.11029879057207008,0.10936295513753157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199542347882204,0.0,0.0,0.09870731220751533,0.1228615786499504,0.0,0.3051538769986665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568773395477446,0.10850790735165196,0.0,0.0,0.09827672099809982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441166637928138,0.3006838361683266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212994484487862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856494474941665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655651691925228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752510933148604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393105851516051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635624786132994,0.0,0.11973185870026293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110811430443389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483702497698444,0.0,0.08831228486098933,0.0,0.0,0.08849334172721933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409322906544447,0.170985110699065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115705509316596,0.0,0.08816216176007732,0.1295095684715735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207916979301056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325756064144288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041267354621914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666252659426126,0.12141693496205773,0.0,0.07151326167798573
suicidewatch,XenaOfAmphipolis,2019/03/11,"I can’t handle anything I’m so anxious about everything I’ve ever done in my life and I’m honestly having a panic attack. I really just want to die right about now. I keep making back up plans in case something happens because I’ve done bad things in my life and I can’t handle the guilt I’m feeling right now. I’ve narrowed it down to three options and I’m terrified of it but I freak out about everything I do. I’m depressed, anxious, guilty, and suicidal and I wish I’d just die right now. I think I just needed to vent because I don’t want to worry anyone that I know. I’m such a disappointment and I shouldn’t be alive. ",0.5684461152882214,2.7901501052631588,2.861984962406016,90.33608521303259,85.54135338345864,5.651929824561403,21.64862155388472,7.03164865440522,0.7021683208020053,496,17,105,7,15,169,71,133,0.34,0.57,0.091,-0.9904,1,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,2,3,0,9,2,0,1,1,23,25,8,3,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,14,1,14,21,0,15,0,2,0,0,0,10,0,1,5,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34262748624510103,0.0,0.10603250742259014,0.0,0.12478949878901392,0.0,0.0,0.17251612320268134,0.0,0.11660432212007885,0.1266158048526463,0.1848806722591157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061013506181338,0.0,0.31476356699635577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103674502066603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371700287147014,0.0,0.0,0.27257440452113296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766753988578587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409765190268275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478751506121664,0.0,0.0,0.08333918100307627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142202669099249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122306708660593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244157082964147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779207159864512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714656836701188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885075982690879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674240574569765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587313587736907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074505719162287,0.09716689088766098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788862712496946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438228844681095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400111201920386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OverStayYourVisit,2019/03/11,"I’m so tired of living my life this lonely. I literally have no one and I’m tired of it. Ready to just end this miserable life I’ve been single for 4 years now. In those 4 years I’ve only talked/hung out with 2 different girls. One of them only went on a date with me for a nice free meal. She didn’t talk to me again after. The second girl lead me on but then found out she was only using me for sex and had no intentions of actually being with me. 

Since then, literally every other girl just ignores me if I try to talk to them. I’ve tried going to bars to meet new girls but all of them are there with other guys. I feel like such a loser. I don’t think I’m unattractive or have a shitty personality, but I guess girls see me differently. This has made me really insecure and took away all my confidence in myself. I just don’t get what’s so wrong with me. ",1.8794746376811595,3.22947220108696,4.008130434782611,88.17455072463768,76.98913043478261,7.297971014492754,18.78840579710145,8.021203637495839,0.4418018840579712,671,12,154,11,15,231,107,184,0.198,0.733,0.069,-0.9777,2,3,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,2,9,9,0,2,5,0,11,7,0,4,2,29,25,12,0,1,8,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,7,8,10,2,1,3,1,1,4,5,6,0,3,8,2,23,4,27,16,3,21,0,3,1,1,15,7,0,3,11,101,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.14943115065533066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386909670088502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31997300402875045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562624004672935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290172134186235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742627925214524,0.10939490193672452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678972983989491,0.0,0.0,0.08000322671958021,0.0,0.08702635272740411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868810759815442,0.15162111095186007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631812099190606,0.07481076202190935,0.0,0.13521511142270892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448937182523334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789228502658722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075274243607762,0.34938296126518714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370574201764635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809792244727213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202344492781735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266693281467728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461574853841186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811844398589237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519969540031708,0.0,0.0,0.1701311971141272,0.2079281544570936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322537025484982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195148616002132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742177871773062,0.0,0.1972192342983516
suicidewatch,TheHitto3108,2019/03/11,I need to talk to someone. By the way I'm not very good in English since my main language is spanish. Please PM me. ,-0.4957333333333303,1.5809919599999986,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,89.4,3.333333333333334,24.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.15326666666666666,89,4,21,0,3,29,23,25,0.101,0.81,0.08900000000000001,-0.0831,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477542385660081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074272142395382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551160206734816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429687312543955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35129673938093675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332468944381721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420957286706922,0.0,0.3290972125152116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Random_guy_9888,2019/03/11,"Suicidal girlfriend Just got in a fight with girlfriend where I was amazed by how much she kept escalating things compared to her usual. She's got depression and anxiety and we're approaching the anniversary of her mother's death so it's been a lot worse. Plus, I'll admit, I keep forgetting these things when she acts out and I react just as strong. And I know that right now, if this community is like all the other online communities I've seen, you may see this is an opportunity to attack me. I'm not perfect. She's not perfect. Whose fault this was is not the point of this post.

Halfway through, she said she was going to kill herself and bolted for some knives. So i grabbed her and kept her from it. She kept talking about killing herself and how if I stopped her now she would wait until I was asleep or I wasn't here. I figured a good place to keep her was the bed cause it's soft and filled with soft things and doesn't have anything near it for her to badly hurt herself. I didn't want to call the police either cause all throughout my life different people have told me about a horrible, horrible place they lock up suicidal people. 

Now she's lying down herself and refuses to speak. Our lives haven't been the absolute best lately, and she has seemed very depressed. So much so that her step-mom, who has not been an especially positive figure thus far, is paying for a psychologist/therapist appointment (I'm not sure) for her soon. As for right now, what do I do? Do I trust her not to hurt herself once she's calmed down? Stay up all night keeping an eye on her? Leave her alone? Call 911? I'm not sure.",3.3544444444444466,5.229950280373835,3.9712772585669778,87.76590861889927,74.23364485981308,7.372377985462098,24.973001038421607,8.167268648758528,1.3863736240913809,1284,42,264,21,27,406,172,321,0.217,0.6990000000000001,0.083,-0.9931,1,1,0,0,1,0,35.0,1,1,1,5,18,22,4,0,14,0,25,3,2,6,7,61,46,25,5,4,13,1,3,1,2,2,1,2,1,0,18,15,0,9,5,0,1,4,11,10,0,0,18,8,46,12,34,26,9,32,0,4,3,0,45,15,0,7,12,183,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384594191322768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840899557503196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904563611031178,0.0,0.0,0.12505203473022952,0.0,0.0,0.09178019846427317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535625668748545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244851081389237,0.0,0.0,0.2258401497406248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893511498247718,0.0,0.0,0.1148449940770091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247115123889885,0.09219727793135574,0.17582917649670693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23534734354915735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29311091685327106,0.2432246011549647,0.0,0.060410203775223714,0.0,0.12399669566131148,0.11639142494878925,0.0,0.0,0.07764109162732044,0.05370228996275407,0.0,0.09706305516366516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345167200277373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873920553583,0.0,0.0,0.16161049454768406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315426066336936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706324038039448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241201565866416,0.0,0.2296899881540182,0.0,0.1039117292531685,0.0,0.10527479888612427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877454109593583,0.10456090264109404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759352591340648,0.10006877309477248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171621241726113,0.0,0.09189963378639823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404734440291021,0.0,0.20720018744275454,0.0,0.0,0.08835106273031215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762780286477468,0.2190816862263568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050350899464054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106344769247188,0.0906970828175678,0.06483478700363694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201981114664562,0.07808536684363293,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThePersonInSchool,2019/03/11,"A bit depressed So to start off my parents are asian... That kinda summarizes this entire post.. But anyways, they expect a lot of me. My biological dad and my step dad. Well my biological dad isnt as much anymore since he has a new family. This is one cause of my depression. He kinda ditched me, but I guess it kinda wasn't since my mom left him... so, he wanted me to be the best and he would hit me if I didnt do good in school or get in trouble. This was when I was 7 btw. Now, my mom met a new guy and they got married. It has been 4 years since then and I now regret the decision of allowing my mom to marry him. For some reason, he kinda finds pleasure in pissing me off... I know some times he is just only kidding, but still. I am a very clumsy person and I cant really help it. My step dad knows this for a fact. If I dont do something for him or if I act clumsy he would call me useless and things like that. I doubt he knows how I'm feeling since all he cares about is his things. Just so you readers out there know, we did have some good times. He taught me how to play tennis and I ended up loving it and how to code which is what I want to do for the rest of my life if I get there... Unfortunently, the negatives outweigh the positives. Now comes my mom..., she is just unbelievably annoying. For example, she asks my something 5 times and I give the same answer. Then I get annoyed and start yelling. She then starts blaming me for something that is completely irrelevant and I end up shutting up since I know the punishment will be worse. You could say I am pretty self righteous, but I mean it could be worse. Ok so when I first started high school, I met a guy who would end up being my best friend. He didnt seem like much but when I got to know him, he was so much more. This was another cause of my depression. This friend is very smart and very responsible which is the problem. My mom would always ask my why I couldn't be more like him and if I was she would be so much less stressed and happier. At first, I just wanted to finish college and leave this sh*t of a family behind. Now, I think it would be better if I committed suicide.
",1.2630746470099652,3.185667368303569,2.986202242524917,92.20966985049836,80.67410714285714,6.221013289036543,20.90967607973422,7.3071595529392575,0.4766335548172753,1663,47,376,23,43,551,195,448,0.146,0.693,0.161,0.8398,1,0,3,0,2,1,60.0,1,2,2,5,26,30,4,2,16,1,47,3,1,7,3,84,81,44,1,21,17,10,1,3,2,7,1,2,0,5,22,18,0,0,14,1,0,4,8,13,1,3,15,3,66,17,34,48,17,46,0,5,0,1,54,14,1,19,30,261,88,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667900250097292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142686799091542,0.0,0.0,0.06755400089000918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736085313190665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296968696343182,0.06024416548359712,0.07436638657583831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955532053524037,0.0,0.06945006848347687,0.13995034356768676,0.0,0.05867697288273025,0.07141963275436107,0.0,0.0,0.10877215073787896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600784340172496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983290087452727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099497570275852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842974785955832,0.0,0.034442124491466775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062257925577823336,0.1158809833096955,0.0,0.0,0.10525442513415352,0.0,0.10676534327917392,0.06534426589615486,0.0,0.11426702238125284,0.1089591628778092,0.0,0.0750388221963359,0.13489355886344678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045657551783763364,0.0719696065750911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461273027970494,0.0,0.0,0.07212632443178707,0.07400958326169264,0.0,0.0481132228290369,0.09983593182112156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791084365992313,0.061478470811919164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419964631343373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988904556178984,0.0,0.0,0.2002960435694721,0.0,0.0,0.1315761145030632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615800639179797,0.05180623238571151,0.0,0.0,0.07563613664066421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059477348728056365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523748894983111,0.06929972419176228,0.0,0.06517900161777349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436376497736663,0.07003587017902951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416956524514504,0.0,0.1378765719893343,0.0,0.06201137924808545,0.07106113972407682,0.0,0.0,0.28173643441356033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573199435028906,0.0,0.0,0.19285493929636965,0.0,0.05439851783428328,0.0,0.07802807111544767,0.0,0.0,0.07450920739609278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050813829156043,0.04364677852678142,0.0,0.0,0.11915913562140998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861157657949796,0.12053194341286674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124558154049072,0.0,0.061465216377905474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883457900967175,0.29033120806710583,0.0,0.0,0.04386527084489455
suicidewatch,middlegirlpeach,2019/03/11,"Surviving life with someone who's barely hanging in...  Tonight my husband and I  talked at length about if/when he kills himself. Right now he's hanging on for Game of Thrones. I want things in our relationship to change, but I also want him to stay alive so right now I'm taking what I can get. 

He's sexting girls online while avoiding contact with me. He uses his phone game as a distraction from the pain of life right now.  He does barely any parenting, nothing in the household. Barely any affection or conversation with me.  I'm so lost and angry and lonely. I don't want to do/say anything that makes his survival more difficult right now. I also know that my feelings are important too. 

He's switched meds a couple times, I don't know all the ins and outs of it. But he's 4 weeks into the latest one and ""should"" be leveled out by now?

I don't know how to help him. I don't know whether I should be calling an ambulance on him. He's off work with a doctor's note until mid April, so I just got a job... But I'm afraid to leave him alone with our two young kids. He's basically a vegetable with a phone lately, and we have a two year old who likes to do stupid things (as toddlers do). 

I'm also worried that he could just... Do something to hurt himself. When we're all sleeping, or he'll go off by himself and do it. I know he won't risk one of the kids finding him. 

I'm so angry at depression, angry at myself because I know I play a part in the stress that led him to where he is, I'm terrified and sad.

I'm terrible at actually taking advice so I don't really know what I'm even doing posting about this...



Does anyone have any resources for support people  of people dealing with depression?",2.7514265247646357,4.232886515759319,4.114051371264838,87.76713108882522,74.9598853868195,6.819525173966434,25.931334424887428,7.447530270364453,1.2286847318870238,1330,47,279,16,28,439,173,349,0.219,0.6990000000000001,0.083,-0.9959,2,4,1,0,0,0,47.0,3,0,0,4,22,19,2,5,15,0,21,6,1,5,2,50,50,28,1,6,8,2,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,13,19,1,1,9,3,0,4,6,16,0,4,2,1,34,3,46,41,4,46,0,6,0,0,45,23,0,2,18,172,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.09713010132580406,0.0,0.0,0.09726274712497482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308643695178392,0.0,0.238790129820349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030580844106096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959596780061056,0.0,0.08190739001352941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060674549844510026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163458423672096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529298863430836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946920689681257,0.11013165610177686,0.0,0.0,0.10261441783421674,0.17145569741112726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187650648001406,0.17420444849449893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574077775726574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050327005554464635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097159401827383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200201888017045,0.0,0.05656704389518389,0.0,0.07960583843659108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671504432875533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655241058588476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877139968345848,0.0,0.1101188021756392,0.0,0.3829061265289437,0.0,0.1122778496510832,0.10539134806277686,0.0,0.0,0.14060656642478886,0.04862692192077727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865230810863462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643922216761232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055901074597152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550484485135688,0.0,0.10444341028974513,0.0,0.13489262223871032,0.0,0.10591040343376223,0.0,0.1105199033171152,0.10778481826180936,0.0,0.1380076564772632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532534700497086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376355335128049,0.0,0.0,0.10686146910909183,0.0,0.340003431735847,0.0,0.0791528412148553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960513907521576,0.0,0.08433420595258619,0.07662556426079956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608920901074,0.0,0.0,0.1140150100033525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294916091504807,0.0,0.0,0.14967324491664075,0.08000106200283634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322509469371479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803864278435819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944590593603751,0.0,0.0,0.08596477690838239,0.0,0.0,0.17612188200331974,0.0,0.07983957529032773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246139678407691,0.10108085429528664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640961544055173
suicidewatch,lsalomx,2019/03/11,"anyone else get caught up on a note? I’ve been mentally unwell for about 15 years—I’m medicated now but still frequently suicidal. I’ve made three serious, life-threatening attempts and a handful of half-hearted attempts over the years.

I feel like I frequently get caught up on the note. I’ve written a dozen of them and it never feels adequate, and then it never feels worth it at all — does this happen to anyone else? I feel like if I could just get through an adequate but not excessive, felt but not melodramatic explanation for the people who’d be upset, I could go through with it.",5.335178571428571,6.760193589285716,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,68.46428571428571,9.885714285714286,30.964285714285715,10.125756701596842,3.199192857142858,470,19,87,12,8,152,71,112,0.155,0.7879999999999999,0.058,-0.8737,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,1,7,0,5,2,1,1,3,22,19,8,1,3,7,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,1,3,4,2,0,2,6,6,6,2,15,9,1,17,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,10,56,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406459097765789,0.3526344016387306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27478516640067285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058914086513392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875029946110575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480370607872725,0.2458692352449225,0.1652246341357436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697154779028951,0.0,0.097797531751608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217055705573632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039166755952468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154581711829228,0.1681400551650559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282709279770827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335338639314174,0.1734170568063086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654387717542959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192992176797246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742401592357245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882285567935148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081444714071832
suicidewatch,skittyinthecity,2019/03/11,"I hate myself and I want to die I hate myself. I am so weak and useless and stupid and worthless and I can't do anything right. I am a burden on my coworkers and family.

I truly believe that people only interact with me in a friendly manner because THEY are decent human beings, not because they actually want anything to do with me. I feel like I'm just annoying everyone by trying to initiate any sort of interaction. I certainly wouldn't want to be my friend. 

If anyone is sad about my death, it's just because death makes people sad. It's not because I have any intrinsic appeal or value as a human being. 

I have been hoping to be hit by a bus or otherwise killed in some sort of freak accident so that no one would have to deal with the burden of thinking my death was their fault, but honestly... I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I really don't. I feel so guilty for being a burden on people, so I'd rather give them a break and also just be able to be at peace. I want to leave this world. 

Or maybe I just really want a hug and reassurance that it will all be ok, but I'm afraid to reach out to anyone because no one actually cares. Please help me",3.12726602120793,4.288875560165977,5.054903181189491,82.66851429230063,73.48132780082987,8.177132319041034,24.17727063162748,8.680891452615391,1.5769417242969117,914,26,188,17,18,315,128,241,0.213,0.614,0.174,-0.8557,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,4,0,12,26,5,1,8,1,26,2,0,2,2,46,44,21,5,10,13,0,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,2,7,13,0,1,4,0,0,0,8,16,0,2,2,2,30,10,28,30,3,10,0,4,0,1,14,9,0,8,1,133,37,0,0.1260376782343145,0.0,0.2459891856060571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079228574782237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141988643096326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625695028683575,0.0,0.2074365401613464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841569940610166,0.0,0.0,0.14200130289833965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285038129308047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993931196369868,0.0,0.0,0.13080721122408345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043440277892832,0.0,0.0,0.11881710597320405,0.0,0.12745687424754454,0.09004134251411318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475279510770505,0.0,0.0,0.12090682564003526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488722271905297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844803989602276,0.0,0.0,0.1251838531735218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944201693066524,0.0,0.0692670117875347,0.0,0.0,0.13345570284605265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157564317624944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413112892001587,0.0,0.12662178840173755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265219558334696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081278530464444,0.09585733377249488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621359693919899,0.0,0.0,0.1383515222968484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148592811220375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076354885539306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807598550341558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557131019061437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717014407312012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953355042000702,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_me_ur_depressions,2019/03/11,"I can't go till my cat does. Almost ten years ago, during an older battle with illness and depression that forced me to leave college and move back in with my parents, I adopted a cat. She was a teeny tiny black fuzz ball. She grew to be a 16 lb monster than only shows affection to me and my boyfriend. I want too die, I want to give up, but I know no one will look after what seems to be a demon cat. I may crave death, but I don't want to doom her to it. Her only mistake was they I picked her instead of someone with better mental health.

I have plans ready, but I just can't go through with it for her. I am so sorry Moki, I wish I was well.",1.0229047619047584,2.410617671428575,2.867142857142859,95.28619047619048,79.42857142857143,5.238095238095238,20.238095238095237,5.46131890053228,-0.2689761904761907,494,12,117,2,12,165,92,140,0.168,0.68,0.152,-0.3355,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,1,0,5,0,12,2,0,2,0,23,22,8,2,5,4,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,4,1,2,3,3,25,2,19,15,0,12,2,2,2,0,9,2,0,4,6,80,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436715952367715,0.0,0.1969716949475007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151254042614767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396963285817196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694217724984158,0.0,0.20414878758531332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721379160138167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869740921942074,0.2235840275109056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090882712488211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810395194389176,0.0,0.0,0.20828224741902726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518270170614435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982324262452793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090663395628892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329243356574716,0.29920611085105964,0.0,0.0,0.21841768105775425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907289102968155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666755168214464,0.0,0.0,0.22019520051358685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480652072262111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686146449626633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262011013694035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667160384499573
suicidewatch,Splitin3,2019/03/11,"I ruined everything I had a wonderful three year relationship with someone I love more then anything in the entire world. She’s pregnant with my kid and we were going to build a life together. We were going to get married. She’s been around through it all and seemed like she would never give up on me. I’ve always been fucked up. I am so mentally unstable that no matter how good things are going, I always manage to fuck it up eventually for no reason at all. I had a manic episode that lasted three weeks and managed to destroy my and my (I guess ex now I’m not sure what to call her) life in thirty minutes. I’m facing countless felony charges. I didn’t hurt her but she’d never seen me like that. And now she’s scared of me. She doesn’t even want to see me. She doesn’t trust me. She was talking to me but I couldn’t hold it together enough for her so now she won’t even speak to me. All I wanted was to be happy and live a normal life and have a family. To be a dad. I was so close. Now I’m deadbeat and he’s not even born. She wants me to sign away custody as soon as he’s born so I won’t even be involved in the first part of his life. She says it won’t be forever and that I just need to get stable. But I was trying my hardest and still managed to ruin everything good in my life. I fucked it up so badly I don’t even see the point in trying anymore. I end up hurting everybody in the end for no reason other then that I’m fucked up and can’t make anything good last. I have nothing to be proud of. Nothing to look forward to. I’m only breathing because there are people who care about me. I’m hanging on by a thread. I can’t do this anymore and don’t want to. I just don’t see the point. I’m more trouble than I’m worth.",0.44079927211646464,2.335797226063832,2.54820268756999,94.41684210526316,83.38829787234044,5.234490481522959,20.267077267637177,6.339386263674448,0.0375382978723402,1351,39,311,12,38,455,169,376,0.152,0.7390000000000001,0.109,-0.9503,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,0,2,22,23,5,1,12,0,35,12,2,4,6,49,69,25,0,8,7,2,0,2,0,4,5,2,0,1,15,18,0,1,4,0,1,5,19,12,0,3,12,7,51,11,48,46,7,45,0,4,5,5,31,22,4,3,22,214,66,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480712205352293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648164086250326,0.0,0.0,0.14644022467913773,0.07920798603316631,0.0,0.0,0.0835963896424693,0.0,0.07429169557728736,0.05423927383150616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908549970175935,0.0,0.09071751400730067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576136122166911,0.0919365522703231,0.0,0.29384083242565345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159932756470735,0.0,0.08387916459128811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568340072319821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32902951537139163,0.09297314109658544,0.08535440621115485,0.15170225695282955,0.2238879045722625,0.0,0.0,0.09801769173643084,0.0,0.0,0.09471718291001384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050245580677536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505551368248806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142338129564234,0.08693888756994063,0.0,0.07856791624641613,0.0,0.0747178855226762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030480255544441,0.0,0.059392532347357224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966742629882886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659749780845241,0.13724838802744654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717811913496318,0.17075078250776554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767066922668895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635292371452804,0.0,0.06168513066596746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822318290346566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296540731248329,0.0,0.09552750700085354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075771703616061,0.08908104009757585,0.0,0.21270835116683126,0.08100090163177613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538953485023417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105678095597659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385933734413344,0.0,0.0,0.07151597366446326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591120605244095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081846217310553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099226778537609,0.0,0.07137161458734853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649126374226023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320638220068951,0.0,0.0,0.05729797549807314
suicidewatch,OntheVergeOfkms,2019/03/11,"Stop. please I can't do something right i can't even kill my self properly i just want this constant pain to stop i just hope my heart stops working. I can smile I can laugh I can have fun, But i just can't be fucking HAPPY",-1.886349206349205,-0.23573451020408245,0.01904761904762076,104.62317460317465,108.3877551020408,2.994104308390023,15.648526077097506,5.033348758259628,-1.1159133786848072,175,5,43,1,9,56,32,49,0.222,0.443,0.335,0.7636,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,0,0,9,3,1,0,0,9,12,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,10,4,1,11,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,26,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471198554592348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103977035098082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140927738899065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343215741876176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709847249233329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22712901458282794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529985065486301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24332968909311706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510199528829001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952899022488824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385611975022461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604762255320858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5735555529313742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488030574561688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648042665373966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maso89221,2019/03/11,"My Dad Is Making Me Want To Kill Myself What should i do? i really want to blow my fucking brain out right now. But im scared of what lies ahead when your body drops. I dont know what to do right now. Should i do it?. I hate my fucking dad. I cant have a normal conversation with him, and tell my problems to him without him saying ""wrong"" saying im faking or just doing it for attention. He just doesn't give one single fuck. I was legit having a panic attack right  infront of him and he said ""go have a panic attack up stairs"" Also my doctors clearly dont give a fuck about me. What should i do guys should i just end it right now? He caught me smoking, and kept asking me why. But i dont want to tell him, hes going to call my reason straight bull shit.  My dad even said ""dont go say some bullshit to the doctors, about depression and suicide"", that proves he doesn't give one fuck. Cause it ""costs"" too much money. But he clearly has more than enough. He wastes all his money on fucking guns, he spent a good 100k on the amount of fucking guns he has in his safe. Well if im too fucking expensive, and you dont give one fuck about me. Why not kill myself? it would be better if i was dead so you dont have to ""waste"" any more money on me. Man fuck guys what do i do. I hate him so fucking much.",1.045595667870035,2.67085519133574,2.6611638989169686,95.71804187725635,80.11913357400722,5.15402166064982,18.661227436823104,5.6839178017228535,-0.4404384404332129,996,21,233,5,25,327,130,277,0.225,0.691,0.085,-0.9938,1,0,0,2,0,3,39.0,0,3,0,2,17,29,18,3,7,0,32,16,3,3,4,40,63,15,4,12,11,3,0,0,0,5,2,5,0,3,11,7,0,2,4,0,6,4,11,25,1,3,7,5,40,4,25,50,9,23,0,1,0,11,40,12,12,4,6,151,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489266859653644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041605401094931375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571962828872653,0.13920518623995448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410991284328656,0.0,0.06795866315930785,0.0,0.06829859602288027,0.06247297645733765,0.0,0.0,0.06285007711574478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052695388229726775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524336353967586,0.0,0.0,0.4302243651651437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054188497103040766,0.06321666671168877,0.0,0.04040969018529075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6221726714696909,0.0,0.2347628192085873,0.10431227602488267,0.05131599526924252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115826743768565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080779014890974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982589993012108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537614951630528,0.0,0.033623657885555235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040839011577531725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995063151260815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994471149736425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437415388682327,0.0,0.0,0.1435662125083914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058542268258499126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039194325408687856,0.06290459500717685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089940795819492,0.1163949067839732,0.1459615431956603,0.061253182582058176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280175407993699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692244279361233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695035484495667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825899737424242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055009361530531375,0.0,0.11041326489974412,0.0,0.0,0.0589766170131498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043461460093521566,0.06689217785515436,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwthefuckawaiiii,2019/03/11,"Trying to hang myself and my neck is killing me No pun intended. I have a huge headache, but then again I've barely ate or drank today.

My mind is set on what I want to do. My plan was to wait until tomorrow when my rope came but its now or never.

The bad news is I can't find my carotid arteries on my neck anymore which is dragging this whole thing out, so I'm just in pain which is putting me off. This is most definitely the best decision tho. ",3.7401403508771938,3.8693482947368456,4.745000000000001,89.24416666666669,71.31578947368422,8.438596491228072,27.41228070175439,8.344100000000001,1.4700175438596492,348,11,82,5,6,114,71,95,0.083,0.7559999999999999,0.161,0.8523,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,3,0,10,5,2,1,1,17,16,10,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,2,1,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,4,0,12,1,9,12,3,18,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,8,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271917558352862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893278154648225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28773993905162537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31359426651682515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505998591970829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033447596248929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768483975176069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146815259591575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917518646828992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756313655599956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821561391706117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598950470920965,0.0,0.0,0.18615342127090687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172124682748548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061174388858117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,billhyzer,2019/03/11,Can't get over her Even though I want to be happy it is not working. She dumped my ass 6 months ago and moved on. I have tried counseling and everything under the sun to forget about her but I can't. Can someone give me a non cliche reason to keep living every day knowing she isn't coming back? I got nothin. I can't go on much longer missing her like this and knowing she is unaffected and living her best life and dating people in our small town,3.1918894009216565,4.416788956989251,4.309708141321046,87.82741935483875,73.40860215053762,6.604608294930878,21.88786482334869,6.868970318607317,0.4843284178187406,355,8,74,3,7,116,68,93,0.069,0.782,0.15,0.8262,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,0,14,19,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,15,3,9,17,2,15,0,1,0,1,9,7,1,0,6,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907278787454451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544607813990553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579894607685974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853427662507199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876150666362602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211228390124392,0.0,0.18128302522373047,0.0,0.1933734762546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124131159175382,0.20640272333101967,0.12228136136704032,0.0,0.17208447934504495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904364714933986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124561888998587,0.0,0.0,0.23649450383411516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197508280110267,0.10511714599368832,0.0,0.3799834736026651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174002861239118,0.2286828527277249,0.15816861777461771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491660421957403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22122207874800034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230582338365045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139529312034594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608068129197388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690795449612666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664029150493755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loopeylisie,2019/03/11,"Planning an end I don't want to be impulsive about this. Giving myself 3 days. Then going to take some drugs and go swimming in the sea. Hopefully between the drugs and the cold water my body will eventually give up and I will drown. I'm hoping my body won't be found so no one knows for definite what I did, but I also need to leave a note as I have children and they have a small life insurance inheritance from their grandad. Any tips on planning ahead? I'm trying to ensure I have covered all bases. ",3.323235294117648,4.821573039215687,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,73.50980392156862,7.452941176470588,25.495098039215684,8.07648339933343,1.4192509803921567,398,13,82,6,8,130,76,102,0.069,0.8220000000000001,0.109,0.5968,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,6,0,10,6,2,0,1,13,23,9,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,1,1,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,11,2,13,16,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,4,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377857968604106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076748121006632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271937284041066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401463913750982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460032800706015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703166677940497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084200509488235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689345823110106,0.21857183981055905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38198548624671896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568053510001367,0.0,0.0,0.2036130868786426,0.0,0.0,0.13582394357506916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258461902000175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030435475034555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445822260593322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055596909380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342082223615857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NesVier,2019/03/11,"Please, I need quick advice My friend just told me he took 5 orfidal and is taking more as the time goes by, I'm going to his house but I really do not know what I am suppoused to do, please, any advice. (This is in Spain)",-0.8468750000000007,1.2027613958333347,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,91.29166666666666,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.9838583333333336,169,2,41,2,6,57,40,48,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,12,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,5,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937412768821039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179951701567156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951840993106167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357750170456818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915052650734136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388408243405277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873246196594492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5546316755624258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184355871497566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994903301794136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473126887935448,0.0,0.0,0.2414022393816432,0.28068523473766005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpthrowaway0a,2019/03/11,"I am scared about what I'm thinking. I have talked with my advisers about my depression and I got ""what do you want from me? I can't solve all your problems"".

I talked to my professors on how my anxiety, depression and brain fog affects my studies and how I need extra time so I can catch up on other assignments and they say ""there was always a schedule, if you can't follow it, then it's on you"".

I talked with my counselor and he says he cares about what I'm going through but he always follow up with ""You need to work on yourself first, I can't help you in everything you're going through. Think about your family, call them"" 

My fucking family gets depressed whenever I talk about my mental health, thinking I'm a overthinking things and I should pray to god or whatever. I am done with life, school hasn't been going well, I'm going to rack up in debts once I surely lose my scholarship, and everyone is apathetic and not a single person genuinely cares about me.  I reached out to my friends about this and I got ignored or blocked because of this. No one wants to talk to a mentally ill person. I am done with SSRI and pretending to be happy, I just want to end this all and I keep thinking about it every night before I sleep. But it scares me, and I dunno what to do anymore. Someone help me.",2.4504885057471277,4.502310950191571,3.706422413793103,87.85894396551724,77.42911877394636,7.108620689655173,24.66810344827586,8.07648339933343,1.460771264367816,1022,36,208,18,24,333,135,261,0.161,0.728,0.111,-0.9133,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,7,2,3,14,15,1,2,4,0,18,6,2,3,3,46,44,21,0,8,7,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,13,18,0,3,4,1,2,7,6,9,1,2,6,2,43,6,37,36,4,23,1,4,0,1,26,10,1,4,6,147,56,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688532171796482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762007989239078,0.0,0.10062553926773027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185182948335813,0.0,0.08633883309697188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326796037857595,0.10360661908380782,0.0,0.20689968029307965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621737265641083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766686287750105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986744823840312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548823402290255,0.09695369679289492,0.09118976788628448,0.0,0.19130343822904444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630566867089504,0.0,0.0,0.07839123626951255,0.09380231353651472,0.053011023778657684,0.0,0.2306584993114127,0.0,0.16230089081757895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801086800485904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785203980529934,0.0,0.0,0.13601905762372038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018632717180508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166739096568188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351284398744868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045047424077114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046931149295434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521757839551248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805640209596412,0.06875498450876992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718980996314782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708784232335096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613773171944688,0.20316736980777708,0.10268751092479457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153779621825833,0.0,0.08597055832406382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562910908633593,0.0,0.0,0.40776668785905457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740851839800882,0.2600574692064533,0.0,0.0,0.05916477742551344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795392078206431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122878865919364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386737881863674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dolme_in_Falma,2019/03/11,"it's such a beautiful day Despair can be found almost everywhere in our world, every aspect of life can be seen trought nihilistic eyes. Losing any senses of meaning in one's life isn't surprising this days. Emptiness comes naturally for some people, born from hard times, pain or loneliness. But this is no way to live your life. We may not be born for a reason, or a greater meaning but you are alive, you are breathing, you are witness to this world. There is beauty in contemplation, beauty in colors, touch and taste. If you're lacking fulfilment, lacking happiness or reason to keep on remember this words for it comes from somebody like you : thing changes, time is frightening but it can be your best ally, you may feel empty and sad right now but you must not fall, you must not deny your futur self a chance of finding happiness. Focus on the little thing, on what you find to be things of beauty, would it be in the feeling of the sun on your skin, the taste of a good meal, the sound of a song or a smile from a stranger, you need to stuck to those tiny moment of greatness for they're the key to ease the difficult journey that life can be. To who ever read this post, i hope and i know that if not soon you'll one day find yourself in a place of meaning and brightness, just keep your head up, if not in your shoulder, at least in your mind",6.276666666666667,6.05014436090226,6.00945864661654,83.56273433583961,65.9172932330827,9.048220551378447,30.51528822055138,8.447377352677275,2.038171228070176,1064,34,216,13,15,331,145,266,0.093,0.695,0.212,0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,17,0,2,6,14,0,0,16,0,24,13,5,2,3,53,39,15,0,10,17,0,5,1,0,6,5,2,0,1,17,7,3,2,13,2,0,4,7,5,0,2,3,13,21,9,38,23,6,37,0,3,4,0,21,19,0,12,13,150,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324690600155665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690752746107044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868475791065487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196380351714006,0.19484024815129208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188080517446392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022996376816588,0.09528623731780356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436704644233907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100965099173845,0.0,0.0,0.12400129716296455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948575476139858,0.0,0.12468609538949388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407804844548716,0.10130965348703487,0.0,0.1160666630908804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232746475424364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010455794749829,0.0,0.0,0.06215328597060463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195254224891013,0.05525182132724935,0.11334949989474802,0.09986372247997788,0.0,0.0,0.12652281234291438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695762611000982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419229859305248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385747283142528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327030311397985,0.0,0.1203395661512928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840486376967318,0.0,0.11815874327655017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083124086952799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312420667043675,0.0,0.0,0.23255811700521464,0.0,0.0,0.12811300471292386,0.09658131812006517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117981291616935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254030915971464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189157752661432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976843714261801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803384500010969,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inkishworks,2019/03/11,"I don't even know why I want to die I don't know why I want to do it. My life was so much harder growing up. I dealt with things on a daily basis that most adults never go through. But now, my life is wonderful. I have an amazing boyfriend who I've spent two amazing years with, and my little baby Eli (he's a dog, but he's my angel) and we just bought a beautiful house. Every now and then, I still have days where my chest is heavy and all I can think about is killing myself. I have bipolar disorder, so I know that's where it comes from, but I wish it made sense at least. I'm not saving for retirement because I know that when Eli dies (another 8ish years) or when my boyfriend dies (we plan on marrying) I will just end it. I know that I will. I don't know why I am like this. ",1.327607776838544,2.623389372781066,2.8030642434488584,96.46652366863907,78.3491124260355,6.248689771766696,20.947168216398985,6.868970318607317,0.11783989856297515,600,15,148,6,14,196,97,169,0.07400000000000001,0.7859999999999999,0.141,0.7895,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,2,0,0,1,13,5,1,0,4,0,15,4,1,1,2,32,32,13,4,3,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,8,0,2,3,5,1,0,1,4,0,26,4,12,26,4,21,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,12,96,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484278309698977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628774872152864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193304925495076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128823298028968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407205887526369,0.0,0.16222890651100322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537155095673816,0.0,0.0,0.09349263779317643,0.0,0.11926223229985786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044629720460886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633300406567667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660443391830176,0.0,0.4667540563011041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199962325280554,0.0691543263288187,0.14187058664551072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339383158813872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405575708097016,0.0,0.10917231723397418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304225198768207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940397292336021,0.09069971633612216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827407449839624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669800681132453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831813855352704,0.0,0.16277585864567454,0.0,0.15350526162056646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230750387215305
suicidewatch,RomanticDreamer,2019/03/11,"Advice I have been thinking too much and I am too tired to have more ideas. I've decided that I am trying again to kill myself this Saturday morning. This time I will do it outside in a big park so I cannot be found. I won't take my phone so that I don't feel tempted to call an ambulance if I feel to much pain. I won't hang as I know that I am not able to knot properly so I will take tablets and use a plastic. How long will it takes to collapse, what more should I do to make it quicker and still painless. Tips you got to know from people who did it right.

Thanks in advance",1.6089763779527573,2.7036066299212607,3.114181102362206,95.35552362204727,77.18897637795277,6.33984251968504,23.723622047244092,6.742157984588678,0.4553691338582668,450,14,110,4,10,148,78,127,0.117,0.84,0.042,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,8,3,1,0,3,0,18,2,0,3,0,17,31,9,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,4,2,16,1,12,20,4,11,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,77,27,0,0.1993915355069117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948431008264432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360105106268545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20163670279519794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862252703075336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947162570829224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508877356618687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059719172466036,0.0,0.21916074675091407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764552344379105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309539825151126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931514417633977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21216665192787867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823298498483316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027928186606187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923433782036614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497528603552928,0.0,0.0,0.1835729367971155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776204487549686,0.0,0.0,0.11626680781833358,0.229171238385402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537376420505626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722102674435126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gandadalf,2019/03/11,"Thinking of killing myself I'm at work right now so you guys have some time to change my mind. 
I've been thinking about suicide for as long as I can remember.
 I don't care about what my friends or family will think. 
My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me recently and she was my only reason of living. I tried Tinder and the only girl I actually liked doesn't want to see me anymore. I didn't do it earlier because I didn't have the courage.
Last week I tried to drink myself to dead but just ended up vomiting and then falling asleep.
This time I'm going to mix a lot of sleeping pills and painkillers with some antifreeze and alcohol.
Does anyone want to change my mind? And do you maybe have a better, more surefire way of killing myself? I don't have access to a gun so gunshot to the head isn't an option.",2.753806672369546,4.463638071856291,3.68849016253208,89.86402694610783,75.46706586826349,6.448075278015399,25.10222412318221,7.1686216300943375,0.9957445680068436,646,22,135,7,14,207,101,167,0.162,0.775,0.063,-0.9299,0,0,2,2,0,3,13.0,0,2,0,2,6,8,2,0,7,0,16,7,3,1,0,24,26,13,4,2,3,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,3,8,2,0,5,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,1,21,5,23,21,4,17,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,5,11,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.1387568200313627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195774809286147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410141618224601,0.0994224761140276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667763626662653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575540143351344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497206777812524,0.0,0.3008360966388419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443132962115172,0.0,0.0,0.13929195846742873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593803701011044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404397229538426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098555551325801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080979039795362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407903446706948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592784737785006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314624088866159,0.0,0.0,0.11590373695357263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946679722908816,0.0,0.12555627657901716,0.1258335768616357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088475843839065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284885461140828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871425071945943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162836350416996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461948870635001,0.1403953609710758,0.0,0.16107342540059855,0.1214293878608442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133069317421605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422925763301643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553265965879698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733286175111602,0.0,0.0,0.1658241348823605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930752013949449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773456049254076,0.11286371509137798,0.11405615178738955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351593229645063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915656263110068
suicidewatch,chiptheghost26,2019/03/11,"Not really sure what I hope to get out of posting here... I guess I just want to feel less alone in my last two weeks.  


So I've decided to kill myself. This wasn't a split second decision, this has been coming for a long time now. Only I've been too chicken and stupidly optimistic in the past to actually do it. I've given myself two weeks to prepare myself, also my sister is having an engagement party this weekend and I don't want to ruin it by killing myself beforehand. Even though I would honestly love to do it today. You have no idea how much pain I am in...  


I think it really sucks that it's come to this point where I have solidly committed myself to doing this. I had so much hope, I made so many good changes in my life after last time... all to see them crumble to bits and hurt my closest people. It's not worth it, I was clearly meant to die a year ago. I could have saved a lot of people a lot of hurt in the meantime.  


My biggest fear right now... actually I have two. One, being a christian I really hope God can forgive me for what I'm doing. Although honestly... a part of me thinks he actually wants me to do this. Also, I'm scared of that in-built desire to survive. I promised myself if I was going to do it I was going to do it right.",1.9443546148507949,3.4612397366412218,4.09729354614851,86.89841776544071,77.20610687022902,6.9010409437890345,22.97779319916725,7.686295010490155,1.002230534351145,969,29,207,14,22,334,139,262,0.14800000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.6218,0,1,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,1,1,1,14,22,4,2,10,0,27,3,0,2,4,37,50,12,3,10,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,19,6,0,0,8,1,1,4,5,10,0,5,10,2,33,12,31,37,8,32,1,3,1,1,6,12,1,7,15,154,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.30197736696603666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143588965185703,0.0,0.0,0.10683186906254492,0.0,0.1649773829724885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261263899589664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091185912288901,0.17770848010414925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235655588402463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705299131558317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812933271443854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607196833688495,0.05215553303311154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389140449769149,0.0,0.11724458047748905,0.08651698390262287,0.0,0.0,0.1136309048182094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30735245758764945,0.0,0.0,0.22084754333557896,0.1164433339999389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282394814141181,0.0,0.0,0.16816136940801896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285760735261845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912841430256819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538818897358038,0.0930965340436722,0.09760263803959753,0.0,0.10457749635835643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516536373849026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989683309769226,0.07844991284389151,0.10975843851591374,0.0,0.0,0.11170095632329984,0.09846795722034338,0.14302187874922492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750970537094997,0.0,0.0987887959920461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824080986830667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617837600211747,0.0,0.0,0.10327073622233136,0.0,0.08219687003196029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721726977097986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218818716054798,0.1013439504587136,0.0,0.12029471324935676,0.0,0.09777375228724763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022864895989657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825209056942,0.0,0.1654807616915677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327451067775413,0.0,0.0,0.06642495538055734
suicidewatch,lightly-toastedd,2019/03/11,"i can't stop thinking about killing myself i can't get it off my mind. i just have so much going on and i feel like nothing is ever going to change. my parents are pressuring me into going to a private school i know i will never fit into, with nobody i know there, and they know very well about how difficult it is for me to make friends, instead of letting me go to a different public school where i already have a few close friends. my friends at my current school are starting to isolate me, and they along with everyone else keep pointing out my weight problem, calling me fatty and chubby. i've tried everything about my weight. it just won't go away.  


i want to go to school for film. i always have. but i'm also a band kid, and my parents want me to do music. as much as i love music and drawing, i know i want to go into film as my profession. well, i used to know. my parents crushed my dreams of that. it's music or nothing. i feel like they'll never give me an option to do anything. i just want to be heard and make my own decisions.  


if i talk to my parents about my feelings they'll think i'm being dramatic because i don't want to go to the school they want me to.  if i talk to my friends, they'll just boast about how they're 'depressed' and 'suffering' and that i'm just like everyone else. i hate people that pretend they're depressed because it's trendy. it's just not right.  


maybe if i do kill myself then it'll be better for everyone. i'm young. i'm not old enough to drive, so i haven't been around enough to really make an impact in this world. i'm a fat, worthless piece of garbage, and i want to end it all.  


but i'm hoping there's a reason i don't have to.",2.321089588377724,3.6177298135593254,3.707380952380955,91.00080508474576,75.72316384180792,6.413075060532688,25.07223567393059,6.868970318607317,0.8373320419693302,1310,44,289,12,28,431,150,354,0.127,0.755,0.118,0.4245,6,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,6,1,24,22,3,1,9,0,27,4,1,7,4,68,71,25,2,12,14,4,5,3,4,6,1,1,0,1,12,19,3,2,12,5,0,9,10,10,2,0,2,6,54,12,48,59,8,35,0,4,0,1,23,16,0,6,13,193,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811864902684865,0.05883402259645405,0.06121625861242786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605419650950151,0.0654930315242758,0.0,0.0,0.06912157796661281,0.0,0.0,0.08969536151097764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506681930527053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512334906886373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778274639393974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673172526058188,0.0,0.0,0.07686514843131194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291684048209385,0.0,0.06516131636802637,0.15203526355416425,0.0,0.0,0.0665484128962523,0.0,0.2108982941079597,0.06612010723840554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159783554738142,0.10511706011597907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273604624218349,0.0,0.03843736702382485,0.07057519193054962,0.3344928946181509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263529212340449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307175932837986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539252991052487,0.1627889419140618,0.0,0.20216115283330166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523046318854328,0.0,0.10782797776071633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639993299554697,0.0,0.14732593977468192,0.0,0.073911104453668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428487928755449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816505108734448,0.0,0.11348367069923683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118508677765476,0.0,0.07719949688448899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267637817698258,0.0,0.0,0.051004278856347326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954757198597006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039669794938584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713092213889007,0.07564236757611077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282850635619347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722845990165951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207333102963478,0.0,0.0,0.06150793988493777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826580000998255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428156333022801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994930276667088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354098845206001,0.0,0.06070307886806674,0.30375506539220537,0.0,0.0,0.17917724624731649,0.13229680103798092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BarkleyMaloneWhoever,2019/03/11,"Another 40 years of this? I’m truly at a low point. I’ve battled depression for a very, very long time. Therapy, books, diets, I’ve tried virtually everything. I’ve moved goal posts in my life so that “once I get this” I’ll be happy. Not only has absolutely none of this worked, my depression has just gotten worse. 

I’ve isolate myself from friends. My live-in girlfriend and I are breaking up. I moved across the country to be with her. I’ve never truly felt a connection to my family (raised in alcoholic home). At work, I’ll cry on the middle of teaching. I’m on multiple medications. I have a ton of debt. 

I turn 40 in a few weeks. Do I really want this burden for another 40 years? What’s the point? I know others will be hurt but I’m honestly exhausted from this battle and just want to end it.

I honestly want to blow my brains out.",1.135625386996903,3.4779276647058843,3.5171207430340563,85.78283281733745,84.11764705882355,7.578947368421053,21.888544891640873,8.532816995589336,1.6377058823529411,653,22,135,17,19,225,102,170,0.156,0.72,0.124,-0.5372,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,3,12,2,0,8,0,9,6,1,0,1,14,20,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,1,0,9,4,2,0,2,1,1,2,3,8,0,0,2,1,15,4,23,14,3,25,0,4,0,0,3,14,0,0,7,75,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388135024724975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019718066260647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074028319513872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581660794306387,0.0,0.0,0.2480364786499122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275322609463854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294087848456817,0.0,0.13574080761392682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138252828274518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124619420940698,0.0,0.07522874911992654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327986354857734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443355104219532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414410318491573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913305112113903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170428319868774,0.0,0.0,0.1271456678878221,0.1274264784581868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505461661441454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060768276986993,0.0,0.0,0.11105384230597223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533444816689602,0.0,0.10951076274261927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27223388332450593,0.0,0.13790246550103533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224357941010017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466493237049368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396163440012977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775965050415723,0.15661959961521316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23761339782417226,0.25478681714815804,0.0,0.11549996536091915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096526387604321,0.0,0.1467379496853058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854494738150801
suicidewatch,trauma_baby,2019/03/11,I'm done everyone keeps telling me im getting better but im not. im exhausted and depressed and my trauma has finally beaten me,0.08722222222221987,2.464210222222224,3.649907407407409,80.91708333333334,94.92592592592592,7.144444444444447,28.972222222222214,8.07648339933343,2.984711111111112,104,6,19,3,4,38,20,27,0.344,0.522,0.134,-0.8495,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144258341724873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088203803049396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481088047101257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231669756938571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655902806661569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666923902963986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7856573606113129,0.0,0.0,0.2154992041170488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191051553799212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Techie-Dolan,2019/03/11,"Helpline for those helping someone? Apologies if this doesn’t belong on this site and thanks in advance if someone can help/point me in the right direction. 

My other half has bipolar and was hit hard by a depressive episode today. He’s been threatening suicide all day. He’s safe and in a safe watched space but Ive just worked my first 12 hour shift after sometime off and a mix between the high emotions and lack of sleep I’m feeling super drained. Is there any helplines for those helping someone? I don’t know if this even exists it would just be nice to get a little support in knowing I’ve done the right thing, not in a pat on the back way but just to make sure I’m ok way? If that makes sense? 

I in know way want to make the situation about myself and my ‘friends ‘aren’t exactly the supportive type, hence the search for a helpline or chat or forum just anything. I love my partner through thick and thin but don’t expect him to support me in these times - he’s my world but sometimes I just need some reassurance after intense emotions. ",4.038025362318841,5.6304960241545885,3.9918568840579702,89.48604619565218,71.85024154589372,6.527657004830918,30.32880434782609,6.9077264865688965,1.5442369565217389,835,36,168,7,16,255,130,207,0.063,0.72,0.217,0.9868,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,4,9,14,0,0,13,1,13,3,1,3,3,41,31,17,1,9,16,0,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,5,14,13,24,25,3,31,0,1,1,1,12,19,0,7,8,104,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306925313538188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052275044022066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392927519122067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877955096846982,0.0,0.10521149727494572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250064710759075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748147560639334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068189933958407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176498871370952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039045606497094,0.0,0.0,0.09437626854420147,0.0,0.06382068779649261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942644404778516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563277198406544,0.12906294264576912,0.0,0.0,0.12029758254659242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139876612603586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243090644530145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024921115929097,0.0,0.2446172444865144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057601860173127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547549227212947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086385618657586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730678314590894,0.12224272481600885,0.0,0.31050335032574045,0.0,0.2416278604117653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336172034053038,0.4158584584328812,0.11512917654144425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246345741859033,0.0,0.0,0.08115402610344348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122927495965213,0.0,0.1157881888137344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204989272541963,0.290881683812123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892993543406036,0.0,0.0,0.08677505648616066,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xX5757JXx,2019/03/11,"I’m killing myself tonight Life is pain. I’m a sensitive ass soul and everything’s hurts me. 
I’m exhausted from life. 
Tonight I’ll spend hours with my brother playing video games talking and smoking with him as my way of goodbye. After he’s asleep I’m going to hang myself from my door and hopefully never wake up again. 
Bye cruel ass world. ",1.8677941176470585,4.4971487205882354,2.8220588235294137,89.96926470588238,83.8529411764706,5.752941176470588,26.14705882352941,7.1686216300943375,1.4245823529411772,275,12,53,4,8,87,50,68,0.303,0.6409999999999999,0.057,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,1,7,7,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,9,7,0,11,1,1,0,2,6,2,2,1,7,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779408162559229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757582376317868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071626057676673,0.30455646975156353,0.0,0.3310666884890569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421477465991738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368756189570248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385185489198917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290719219636372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24856956803936786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454743114584173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,m1l04,2019/03/11,"I've wanted to kill myself/die since I was 13. I'm 24 now and the feeling didn't change I've wanted to kill myself/die since I was 13. Thats when I realised my mum is cheating on my dad who went abroad for work. That time I even wrote a suicide letter where I tell my dad about my mum. I wanted to overdose on painkiller pills. I've never done that (obviously). Years past, my dad knows about affair, my parents still stayed together and worked it out but my feeling still remains. I want to die. My family and I went abroad to my dad and I started studying in foreign language. I failed some of my courses twice now. I know that its a different language so I shouldn't be too hard on myself but at the same time I know I haven't put the work. I slacked in college. Now in university I drink too much. I play games too much to escape reality. I procrastinate. I don't trust therapists, even though i should. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I want to die. I could never commit suicide cause I love my family and I know they'd be devastated. But I want to die in any other means. Car accident, cancer, anything. I don't know what to do.

I currently live in England.",0.4200932730356115,2.708018516393441,2.4413793103448285,92.54500000000002,87.19672131147541,5.3327303561334105,20.70887507066139,6.8039241337230125,0.3977698134539289,914,30,200,12,29,305,119,244,0.232,0.691,0.077,-0.9937,3,0,1,0,0,8,32.0,0,0,1,4,16,7,3,0,5,0,18,4,0,1,5,37,40,11,7,9,3,7,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,6,1,0,10,3,0,4,8,4,0,1,7,3,42,3,24,27,5,30,0,1,0,1,15,11,0,1,14,129,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115571767579698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610608835812855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748946592164517,0.11069046860533102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354292023805247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257853398089054,0.10932181094716678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070784294765294,0.0,0.10250293982655864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822150156082832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972820452448377,0.0,0.10581368998223382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373284175603296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315273214898107,0.0,0.4025344814225422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239504997006108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443761015215453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139787177435336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383824148376116,0.0,0.16140267269318986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161853229456271,0.0,0.09988640986453433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518756260302277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731111083761538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406153460170717,0.11152750445855794,0.1671240664331254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289084743940651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145602559280644,0.0,0.0,0.12148986247523635,0.0,0.0,0.10280383241990068,0.0,0.12202758512877347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37030031920374384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399628516486772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22852763711598634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738182151508047
suicidewatch,tyonthefly,2019/03/11,Once it's over u cant go back Once things are over u cant go back and relive it. U cant feel that way ever again. Idk what I'm really trying to say. I just wish I could go back to this certain time of my life. Everything was just different. I was depressed but not in the same way I am now. I want to go back to before I knew what love was. Before I ever experienced it. I think I would be a lot happier if I never had loved and been loved. It was just easier. ,-0.2884615384615365,1.2552993846153908,2.7621538461538457,93.78284615384615,84.0,6.467692307692308,16.16923076923077,7.554174236665415,-0.06987000000000032,352,6,89,6,10,126,63,104,0.111,0.708,0.18,0.8074,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,2,0,14,4,0,0,4,21,27,4,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,7,3,11,4,8,17,2,19,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,10,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456448061506502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525584267596792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118486960549583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781846735636854,0.0,0.0,0.15504855544905818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26847629901377085,0.0,0.0,0.13337419263052372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503653496194221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33736121751500764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482075598551424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261661151605208,0.40181592970215096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144568088923741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31608667775271504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950701526472316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801526579458205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859172718769983,0.0950900407932852,0.0,0.0,0.08653442819519834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075524991122142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753137347040628,0.2355892779141425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706550324966649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054205577536686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goopsvendor,2019/03/11,"Almost not able to take it anymore Hi everybody. Sorry if this comes out weird I’m just awkward.

I’m about at my breaking point. I have panic attacks every time I get in a car, plane, bus, train etc. I can’t go out with anyone. Can’t be in the car at night. I even had a panic attack three minutes away from my apartment and I could even see my complex.

It’s been this way for 5 years. I’ve tried exercise, antidepressants (still on) and CBD oil (only made me sleepy and didn’t help anxiety.) I’ve also been seeing a therapist for about half a year, and my panic attacks haven’t budged (still going to therapy.)

I also hate how reality feels. When I look up from what I’m doing, everything just feels awful. Like “wow, this is real, and it sucks.” 

I’m about at the end of my rope and on Thursday I’m going to get some edibles (legal state) and maybe alcohol (not together.) If those don’t work I think I’m going to end it. I can’t stand having a horrible time traveling and affecting others with my anxiety. I just want to be able to go and do things, and there’s no point in going on if I can’t do that or feel okay. 

Thanks for reading.",0.9762341772151899,3.0105643924050653,3.2477478902953614,89.36630537974686,82.29113924050633,6.481645569620253,20.423523206751057,7.6454224807358475,0.7474080168776371,879,25,190,15,24,301,133,237,0.16899999999999998,0.768,0.064,-0.9716,0,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,0,1,15,14,5,4,7,2,19,2,0,3,0,37,47,18,0,5,9,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,12,15,1,0,5,3,0,10,10,10,0,2,5,7,18,4,30,39,2,41,0,0,3,0,2,16,1,6,12,119,30,3,0.21160100071597826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306855889591967,0.10594391825791324,0.0,0.0,0.16921724382323192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187418637031512,0.0,0.10492566691260803,0.07397816983446856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36109002904008586,0.0994030528258305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113776284187527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447309047078652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741568012987844,0.0,0.1179955249983796,0.13976046531633668,0.0,0.0891414846897693,0.0,0.09508666766611552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160487735791028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055278936486722,0.0,0.3607731751615966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445609015827012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091584521112818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168878028521566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884577376379567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011099158780708,0.0,0.0,0.10629082316338596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928660246352224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046604807538875,0.0,0.3724022735364945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003134116437196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058291314759566,0.12042413208467588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686186014967179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184349981362247,0.0,0.0,0.16898483250793586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954880923447781,0.0,0.0,0.09740688598411984,0.12099209276439628,0.12284253548847808,0.07028915124303929,0.06779268859243456,0.0,0.0,0.12338624516765855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183159481583365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240387630758457,0.08397951257624132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702402433849376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626410684976725
suicidewatch,xwhatslifex,2019/03/11,I can’t do this anymore I keep thinking about killing myself. It crosses my mind all the time every single day but I don’t think I’m actually gonna do since I’m too much of a coward. I’m just in a really bad place right now. I can’t find motivation to do anything. I have a midterm in 5 hours and I haven’t even started studying. I just wanna die.,0.08159090909090949,1.97193733766234,2.875438311688317,91.59030032467535,84.71428571428572,5.40844155844156,22.61201298701299,6.6274283507984215,0.4971571428571431,273,10,63,3,8,96,54,77,0.235,0.723,0.042,-0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,12,16,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,6,15,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,39,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.2386008054319276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24248244216422846,0.0,0.0,0.2012061035795832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415077384890232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768496606687352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537567322520708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614927021437976,0.0,0.20600531349229967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22347238711692727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407873615499333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732654574159851,0.2705076442180795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468795172550353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973870222593005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25545482365262706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663563590636734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880523018727773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022563808603248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306131408914754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133368064167583,0.0,0.0,0.14257235116097686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thisgirlwantstodie,2019/03/11,"Going to hang myself tomorrow I'm stuck in a hole with no way out. I bought the rope online which is coming tomorrow and I finally researched on the *right* way to do it so I don't end up in severe pain like with my past attempts.

For me it's no singular issue, rather a collection of things that make up the pike of shit that is my life.

I'm done. 

I'm burnt out.

Exhausted.

But most importantly, I give up.
",0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,2.719813953488373,90.88041860465117,87.13953488372093,6.695813953488373,19.06511627906977,7.908726449838941,0.7955944186046517,316,9,71,7,10,109,60,86,0.206,0.737,0.057,-0.9063,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,0,5,4,1,1,0,10,14,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,15,11,1,19,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,1,6,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21983768027803108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611647104359936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260370843146877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795660912793085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24481719366796906,0.1450396547324942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663691335145519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025979831261066,0.12468093576114847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035222596644126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27155755876293713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436233463293377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179448356812092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883105434317673,0.26196565952150064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695477645725311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051418568979382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiny_hawk,2019/03/11,"I'm tired of trying  My dad is emotionally incapable of showing affection and it feels like we are just strangers living under the same roof.

 During kindergarden and school years i've been bullied, during highschool i've always been the guy that was excluded.

 My best friend betrayed my trust on multiple ocassions. Whenever i try to actually fit in a group i always end left out as if i wasn't there to begin with.

 I know i'm far from having as a hard life as some people here have but more and more it feels like everyday i'm just wearing a mask to tell people i'm fine like it's expected of me to tell them that.

 I'm just tired of hoping, trying and failing over and over again. I have no dreams or objectives for the future, at this point i only live just because i didn't have the guts to end it.",5.155460122699386,5.398411570552149,5.969453987730062,81.29663496932517,68.2638036809816,9.219386503067486,28.56993865030675,9.120678840339163,2.1596851533742334,638,20,129,11,10,210,101,163,0.131,0.706,0.16399999999999998,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,7,9,0,0,7,0,11,5,2,1,0,23,21,11,0,3,7,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,13,8,22,16,5,18,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,4,10,81,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.15315455922722432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611797132095767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567151491560806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470288903783686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654070839535624,0.27801133730026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871105347796866,0.2242414371347384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125443002505736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539908724209384,0.0,0.0,0.14059086364988768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588065636235193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625223611493275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051995340529652,0.0,0.11085408339588028,0.2300245142864308,0.0,0.27716859168903496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936287090388155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761021052432705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483626680023074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588355561209628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27435168684088923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36076773887679386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31966371844641595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106669448649266
suicidewatch,magickistragic,2019/03/11,"I found a really high bridge I applied to 10 school for a PhD in plant biochemistry. I was invited to recruiting events. After I went to the recruiting events they sent me an email a week later rejecting me saying, ""They had too many applicants"". I only got into 1 Master's program and I'm honestly so depressed right now I want to kill myself. I Skyped with faculty and read their papers. I can't do anything right (4.0 GPA, bad GRE score). I'm just going to committ suicide by jumping off the highest bridge in my town.",2.6485294117647062,4.990823068627453,4.237019607843138,82.85258823529412,78.11764705882352,7.609411764705883,25.88627450980392,8.548686976883017,2.1358321568627447,411,16,76,9,10,137,77,102,0.193,0.765,0.042,-0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,3,1,4,5,1,0,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,12,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,6,1,15,1,13,6,0,18,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,44,15,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807923707532868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097814535896544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073183734080936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639199841740133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679787497213447,0.0,0.19251332195614146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543174465682152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663037891818641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24403651262117046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830665660636488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407695686838064,0.0,0.15420142186129238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41112053717073466,0.0,0.19141782441844868,0.0,0.2436057344104067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26329157921719404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197370963200506,0.0,0.1930785751971115,0.0,0.0,0.22313541872371773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nunyabusiness0,2019/03/11,"I just want someone to save me Please I’m weak, I want a hero. I know I don’t deserve it but really I just want a happy ending. Do I really have to be my own hero I’m only 16. Please, somebody save me I can’t stop crying. Why does it have to be like this. I can’t sleep. ",-3.5077840909090914,-2.1440926874999997,0.5072159090909096,101.78892045454546,108.6875,3.577272727272728,10.505681818181818,5.565023196281405,-1.4996999999999998,204,3,55,2,11,75,36,64,0.122,0.478,0.401,0.9548,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,0,10,14,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,11,6,3,12,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,31,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601085124838749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722115837136607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209730346784102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207299469565403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013650138844302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568622013433415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009349223610718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198602511886365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033942589070908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369663057089959,0.0,0.2006358850058427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979714695937844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190040003992833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367092256641312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brightexperiences,2019/03/11,"PLS I NEED HELP FOR MY BF ASAP okay so im trying too keep this short, first the back story.. im (F18)in a relationship for almost 1,5 year wirh my boyfriend(M19). He is suicidal sinds the begin and had multiple attempts to killing himself. He made some mistakes in our relationship and since then he lost who jhe was.. he didn’t knew who he was anymore..

the last weeks where really bad ( for our relationship but also shit around that ) he lives in a place with other people who cant get a home them self because of money and mental health resons. he feels really unhappy there and wants to leave.

today whe had a fight and he took some benzo’s he was talking about killing him self. after when i got home he told me he was going to talk all his pils and rhings like that. this was a few hours ago.  

i do wanna call the place where he lives to get help but

WHO AM I TO DECIDE IF SOMEONE CAN LIFE OR NOT, I LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH BUT I SEE HIM IN PAIN EVERYDAY.. IDK WHAT TO DO

im scared that if i call too there and he’s okay he doesn’t trust being there anymore witch means he will be homles again..
",-0.3722052345167128,1.888293947136568,1.256995335579166,97.9420827934698,96.31277533039648,4.2564913189945575,14.605986006737494,6.068283710208149,-0.7288703291008036,854,18,192,9,34,274,139,227,0.203,0.7240000000000001,0.073,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,2,0,1,3,16,15,4,1,9,2,18,5,1,1,1,30,35,19,3,6,7,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,2,2,11,9,0,1,4,0,1,2,4,10,0,1,14,2,18,5,18,18,5,25,0,1,1,1,42,9,1,6,15,109,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498265466087537,0.0,0.10729597551668142,0.0,0.0,0.08568839792227362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125294584766929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953868645848192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239229528648095,0.08946638162015698,0.06531808883486125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882574551870368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417862725019484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911423539171853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196366507907247,0.0,0.06089622762327646,0.0,0.08569822503998928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138962125432196,0.0,0.0,0.14364174775930832,0.0,0.214961832068879,0.0,0.1055218825360964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472235179758591,0.0,0.0,0.09524048971716842,0.2370928081487111,0.0,0.0,0.08734214397977019,0.0,0.11345714888419756,0.0,0.0,0.07568372752690622,0.052348432974399436,0.0,0.1892321106250636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696767642017634,0.0,0.09670771484657342,0.10138860898278826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671855435943868,0.0,0.0,0.10798273101470167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876811349810751,0.07945090660302638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401592855242945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428482278627514,0.0,0.22389940835131172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728699933987906,0.0,0.0,0.3451193432919885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727657063903062,0.0,0.08538525681957942,0.0,0.2235631545921988,0.0,0.10998868179275284,0.08863618890102448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078846353776343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172055044171422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224739163869784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156636069006633,0.10238711179416972,0.11904840063485725,0.07274831028923354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320027515071155,0.0,0.08594985022081841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900155531704169
suicidewatch,L_darkly,2019/03/11,"Idk hard to deal w my existence I’d write more, but I’m tired. I’ve been dealing acutely w this since at least June, although the underlying grief and self-loathing come from childhood.

I’ve spent today unwashed, in bed. I called out to work. I’m on two anti-depressants and I see a counselor this Wed, but she’s only ever helped so much bf. 

I want to die bc death seems preferable to being female. Idk how anyone is doing it. The horror of childbirth, the ridicule, the contempt, the religions that all hate you, doing most of the bitch work, no one taking the hate against you seriously, giving up your own names and that of your children’s. Oh yes, and childbirth. I can’t think of childbirth wo thinking there’s no justice in this world and definitely no caring higher power. It’s the worst think imaginable. 

So now I’m here, in bed, dirty, bemoaning my fate of being born female. The only thing that helps is burning w a flatiron, and I can’t even do that well. ",3.3047709424083784,5.147730717277491,4.139970549738223,86.64304482984295,74.28795811518324,6.450392670157068,26.073625654450264,7.1686216300943375,1.2139342931937174,761,27,149,8,16,244,123,191,0.306,0.581,0.113,-0.994,1,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,4,0,3,9,10,5,0,11,1,10,1,0,1,2,23,26,12,3,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,10,8,0,0,6,0,1,1,5,8,1,2,2,2,12,2,19,22,7,16,0,1,1,0,16,9,1,2,6,92,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693031873570787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075938024769696,0.0,0.1705009848440006,0.0,0.0,0.14405286967500155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344811257416807,0.14403398631350242,0.0,0.1735571718047991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045309577580126,0.15126809285639012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042117642912485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980422627316,0.3302077881467533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22417998181095208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293246585162393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331861465492445,0.25437019244761344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325976339978332,0.15223888851670253,0.17445618948489294,0.0,0.0,0.13833345476218714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257353032610385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109943483194316,0.3214605350254502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220499321115986,0.15851342139234148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335831306490664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863592412892752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035884338230152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434892276021307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dsbdqo,2019/03/11,"i'm so tired of everything First of all, I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.
Anyways. 
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fucking tired of everything, of everyone. Tired of crying untill 4am, of being replaced or ignored, of making efforts who nobody notices, of going to school and pretending everything is okay, of cutting myself without any purpose. 
Tired of always feeling hopeless, to always feeling like my soul is tearing apart, to always feel like i'm the worst and most useless person alive...
I've already assumed that i'm not going to be alive at summer. I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts since i was fucking 11. I've lost myself a lot of time ago so who the fuck is going to care about this.
If you've read everything, i'm sorry. I always try to do my best, I swear. ",3.8363449593884416,5.621731478260873,5.071055900621122,80.76399426660295,72.72670807453416,6.692976588628763,31.639273769708552,7.321109707123232,2.2392480649785003,652,31,113,7,13,216,94,161,0.25,0.635,0.115,-0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,5,5,15,4,0,4,1,12,7,0,1,1,20,32,8,1,2,5,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,6,2,0,3,4,10,0,2,4,3,10,5,24,26,5,11,1,3,0,3,4,2,3,5,8,72,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094121396359115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717131536569753,0.0,0.3533981833511572,0.0,0.0,0.07220545257993985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530117035943737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142845105269174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825670421446144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663279359309295,0.0,0.1094660254840788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145871333720054,0.3817078389088681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106208237119854,0.15170878997765036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063183533394572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29448269702795576,0.0,0.0,0.18103214731266815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583532755634304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037475237211191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590706822056165,0.09026970325297456,0.0,0.0,0.07087539685399939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088564851655605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927115248309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620786820276028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745895286989084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783247738337985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23771769638880735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614273970445142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429437256463237,0.061913907267477634,0.4881491826605188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208866262620134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023528967633736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greased1,2019/03/11,"I want to break up without killing myself My boyfriend and I are together for 3 years, he is my first.

He cheats, lies, gives me massive anxiety every single day. He is never true about his whereabouts. It kills me inside. Nearly every night I cry myself to sleep because I know his hands have been on another woman and then he comes home and says he loves me.

I'm a fragile person and never been through a breakup before. I can handle losses of people very badly. I was in love with a teacher in high school and after I graduaded I got into deep depression for 3 years because I missed her so much - and we did not even have a relationship.

I have no friends and no feeling to get those. Also no close family. I have literally no idea how to walk out of that door and keep standing on my feet, and keep breathing. Can someone please give me advice? I'm crying while writing this. My life is falling apart.

TL;DR I don't know how to break up with my cheating boyfriend. I have never been through a break up before. I don't have friends to distract me. I don't have much money so I can't do much fun things by myself. I have suicidal tendendies.",2.0773112128146463,4.372874763157899,3.3366132723112147,88.79694508009158,79.87719298245614,5.544164759725401,23.948131197559114,6.7026698264267655,0.8280749046529365,898,32,177,9,23,291,131,228,0.221,0.687,0.092,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,1,0,0,2,7,15,4,1,5,0,24,7,4,2,4,32,40,16,3,1,2,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,2,2,5,16,0,2,4,0,1,3,13,9,0,1,6,4,34,6,28,34,4,32,0,3,0,2,20,14,0,0,11,126,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942042796383932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772984463772656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814594175645758,0.09348893013146548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203873322463793,0.14899395550969666,0.0,0.2079803356612198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527153382158573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684799144532642,0.07881417191169908,0.0,0.10525773416293814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071735630046194,0.0,0.20593134015604125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520700439434575,0.0,0.06179213233336114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039502231833402,0.0,0.0,0.18883548743263046,0.0,0.06384873482623438,0.23446646135211055,0.0,0.0,0.0977410527208612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911966143580295,0.1225847778726634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795817021549733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172485071251497,0.270410509087985,0.0,0.13432484937294112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631925805775778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059532390366826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26951124123803444,0.0,0.28276346789409684,0.0,0.0,0.1146841068219264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472377084735545,0.1067074768965569,0.0,0.13414789315615933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120585991114267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971848570171083,0.0,0.12368121171134405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229644635140753,0.0,0.10354660200896536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336759236386217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811896905480362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083455465044776,0.07208155621188353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780433324329495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573961340020126
suicidewatch,throwaway1938480000,2019/03/11,"I'm 99% sure I have CTE I have had 5 concussions and played football for 11 years including college. Now I have migraines, impulse control issues, mood swings, depression, and nearly constant suicidal thoughts. I don't know how much longer I can go on especially with the knowledge that it's only going to get worse. The only thing keeping me alive is what my family and friends would go through.",6.387534246575343,7.786267479452058,6.106739726027397,77.28449315068495,65.986301369863,9.127671232876713,36.51780821917808,9.3871,3.5803665753424667,318,16,54,6,5,99,61,73,0.14400000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.132,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,12,16,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,7,3,6,13,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548314501430933,0.26448575428223897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310648427429095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230470580039693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218951920099466,0.0,0.1232032226329653,0.0,0.4020560500987352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461288302765797,0.0,0.2096025572226498,0.0,0.0,0.1295973551196678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335062078992125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35869475541528023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25794253598819034,0.0,0.2222521577049667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666452197234873,0.0,0.0,0.18721018880891147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24031488620079886,0.167515690795174,0.0,0.0,0.15185665770663218
suicidewatch,RadioMelon,2019/03/11,"So what if you're in poverty If you're impoverished and your options are getting thinner all the time, is there a reason to live anymore?

Under a government that hardly takes care of you?

With people who will probably barely miss you?

When you disappoint everyone, even yourself?",4.859200000000001,7.8173945200000015,5.3020000000000005,74.861,73.8,8.0,32.0,8.841846274778883,3.361800000000001,226,11,34,5,5,72,43,50,0.155,0.79,0.055,-0.6537,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,7,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,5,6,1,4,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336866879804647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34305241772431017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223450254960025,0.0,0.0,0.3215104058643128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579108723173495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301410000976516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971081595305298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332651356704631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627703294639241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459460172895021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529827016334465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619769263241288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoulShadow1743,2019/03/11,I want to die I'm so lonely. Nobody loves me. I have no girlfriend. I'm really thinking about suicide.,-1.3871428571428552,-0.4459620952380909,1.7813333333333323,89.77200000000002,122.33333333333334,3.5847619047619053,18.48571428571429,5.6839178017228535,0.2658114285714288,80,3,15,1,5,28,17,21,0.456,0.368,0.17600000000000002,-0.8553,0,2,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030107848202806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374334624177749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104919166038897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301501508225217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105568697822947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858708349048677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rattonic,2019/03/11,"So done... I had 2 attempts in a month and was sent to the psych ward twice. I felt better after each stay but slowly went downhill.
I'm trying to get off a medication that has made me bedridden.
Lost my job... 
There's nothing left for me.
",0.2437414965986377,2.5357072857142846,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,88.3877551020408,4.082993197278912,18.37074829931973,5.46131890053228,-0.4605537414965992,183,5,40,1,6,60,44,49,0.066,0.8909999999999999,0.043,-0.25,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,8,1,5,1,6,3,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,25,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521203241912294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917245140708956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737109009051158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893676283203555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828869502767125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30972825294220674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31118643838075394,0.0,0.0,0.2697391372330488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28717698067733066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275393196019405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27353134999843043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30384557564737075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354310754880952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26426177661526457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zoja748492,2019/03/11,"I feel like my sadness is unjustified so i have been reading posts here for some time and everyone seems to have a legitimate reason for sadness (death of a loved one, problems in childhood etc.) but i am just sad for no reason. i'm still a teen, i have a few friends (i don't really like them and i think they don't really like but still), most of my grades are as, my family isn't abusive (it's kind of distant but still), i was never really bullied or anything. most of the time i'm kind of alright - just sad for no reason but sometimes everything gets worse and i start panicking and i really want to kill myself (but i don't do it because we don't have any right objects at home - we don't have any guns so i can't shoot myself, most of pills are non-prescription vitamins or something etc,,.) i feel like a loser for not being able to do it. i don't want to look like a spoiled teen (even though that's probably all i am), am i just very moody? i have never been to any kind of therapists or similar before so there might be nothing wrong with me? i have much trouble going out or talking to other people so they call me selfish for it which just makes me feel worse. i wish i could end my life somehow but i can't find easy ways . sorry if this isn't the right sub,, if my post offends you or anything just tell me and i will delete it.... also sorry for bad english, it's not my first language and i also don't really feel like re-reading it 100 times ",2.2040460526315826,3.680081470394736,3.863584210526316,89.02088947368422,76.40131578947368,6.969263157894738,24.002105263157894,7.699297019823105,1.0556191052631578,1133,36,247,16,25,379,148,304,0.204,0.6509999999999999,0.145,-0.9727,0,0,1,2,0,2,39.0,2,1,3,2,19,25,2,0,8,1,34,4,0,4,3,55,51,27,2,7,20,0,4,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,11,10,0,0,10,1,0,1,17,13,0,2,3,5,40,12,25,43,9,21,0,5,1,1,11,5,0,14,18,173,51,2,0.08867953606691033,0.10507074925423984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183398590734853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091537642909705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595140439380894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404370846917402,0.05405822209269304,0.0,0.07545975363648466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055172129083884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708033936299039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785437474744754,0.0,0.19780224818261344,0.05857199721557067,0.0,0.0,0.08473709698996243,0.0796994489274443,0.0,0.08359917432728456,0.0,0.17935615182942213,0.19005803485562964,0.0,0.0,0.08105148939990235,0.07543076807655193,0.0,0.0,0.06851358958619451,0.0,0.04633139748208662,0.0,0.05039862396753576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895280516252364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811076769168084,0.2770382713170396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626369788895103,0.2599460516754312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446847578433155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003674358063449,0.0,0.05919427893254551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940749738561116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518966260737494,0.0,0.1367902502695765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509040655651416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009154868337065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147922451389246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986096452840882,0.0,0.09561153863815662,0.0848543395830871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740706801758,0.0,0.2840519078688055,0.273531997897978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146367852877676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073051906486675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826983935444927,0.08770632870004012,0.1985389606527077,0.06276783205922637,0.0,0.2124587761651837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127725196945887,0.0775098232312521,0.0,0.0,0.10296377634832812,0.0,0.05682226598894965,0.0871271939351421,0.0,0.15512925186766074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316990452752893,0.10461097595963463,0.07038968803727393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019770900083902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074404671379887,0.0,0.09695715154237257,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sxwinchester,2019/03/11,"I can't do it anymore Earlier this week I lost someone very close to me to a heroin overdose. We lived across the street from each other for 9 years, you can imagine the bond that we shared. I've been sitting here for more than 24 hours contemplating ending my life to hopefully be rejoined with him. I've been pulling the plunger up and down on a syringe for hours thinking about how easily I can give myself a fatal dose of heroin and just be done. Drift off peacefully and never wake up suffering again.",6.08818181818182,6.459963424242424,5.982373737373737,81.5602272727273,66.27272727272728,9.024242424242424,31.65151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.4453151515151514,405,15,78,6,6,127,77,99,0.115,0.757,0.127,0.0654,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,6,0,9,3,1,1,1,14,13,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,10,2,17,7,2,18,0,2,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601384501286277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684315346042165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232649357090185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25162915343379244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26053042771476964,0.516639889347021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852754692918569,0.0,0.0,0.23162223404418794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863395058471707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023076325085231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225220318681835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807598616625544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164310705867805,0.0,0.0,0.21040716882721824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891736124767368
suicidewatch,ArKyne_r,2019/03/11,"Girlfriend left me, want to jump in front of a bus My first girlfriend of over a year just left me. I don't want to exist anymore and I just want to die. Life seems meaningless and I don't have any motivation to keep going. Probably going to jump in front of traffic or hang myself ",1.4312643678160877,3.644079482758624,3.0317241379310365,90.54402298850576,81.75862068965517,5.935632183908046,21.735632183908052,7.1686216300943375,0.6576459770114944,222,7,47,3,6,73,36,58,0.153,0.779,0.068,-0.7867,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,11,10,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,11,10,0,14,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,2,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955121935486658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472658392961493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587625347935929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207780604429446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833970771141846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161369810740392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417900192456888,0.0,0.17610735511335074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881716657479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697835115132856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411793788276753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055870664234592
suicidewatch,whathasmylifegoneto,2019/03/11,"I Miss My Mom I'm 17, it's been 6 months without her and I simply just can't do it. My dad's never home and whenever I'm at home it's just so depressing, lonely, and empty. I've been having extreme mood swings ranging from either extreme anger or an extreme state of sadness. I just want to end it all. I don't know how much longer I can put up with feeling like this.",-1.0015151515151501,1.0873072098765455,1.558361391694728,97.00535353535356,94.1851851851852,3.9331088664422,18.47474747474748,5.565023196281405,-0.38935555555555545,288,9,66,2,11,98,57,81,0.203,0.73,0.067,-0.8967,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,16,13,6,0,1,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,2,8,1,7,11,3,7,0,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24568983430095545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526513860420404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423356986371244,0.20378632918470446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5722683278880377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676876500994918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936125272797045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340873726450089,0.2276879314474293,0.0,0.20969534995409586,0.0,0.2200063495752939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867602039404169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825087241986592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749757758387202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,msp710,2019/03/11,"Someone please help me I'm a 48 divorced father with a 15 year old daughter who hates me. She thinks I broke up our family where it was her mother who cheated on me and took off. I tell her I love her and I only get silence in return.

My business is failing and the house I'm trying to save for her is about to go into foreclosure. I have no prospects for a future one my business goes under. The analog business I own is quickly being taken over by digital. I'm $50k in debt. I'm a complete failure and a borderline alcoholic. 

​

I just want it to end. I'm exhausted worrying about it all. I just want to die. I don't want to feel this anymore, the sadness and hopelessness. I fantasize about hanging myself here at work. The setup is perfect and no one in my family would find my body. The world would be better off without me. There is literally no reason for me to stick around. None.",1.5783747831116273,3.8544530549450613,3.5765587044534435,86.48159919028342,81.63736263736264,6.249161364950839,24.96356275303644,7.475848149327749,1.412039560439561,704,28,138,11,19,238,112,182,0.208,0.6679999999999999,0.124,-0.9509,1,0,1,0,1,4,23.0,1,0,0,4,10,11,2,0,10,0,12,4,1,1,2,24,28,6,1,5,3,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,9,1,0,4,0,1,3,6,7,0,2,3,1,26,4,27,21,3,23,0,4,0,1,15,14,0,0,6,101,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278725338516426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518072283708305,0.19645946913943765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034358244651156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392989748804622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299323782270698,0.0,0.17959055508731636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695188977999097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779880289913915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320090804713884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048359178316164,0.0,0.08175050411925007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777302145420185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447137301010274,0.0,0.09188673762762324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962599235402394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837101166910228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655755596017096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459229375528268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965645678799735,0.0,0.21911774301866546,0.12296528383724488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747660548251545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623445208742949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699133845067332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413158580559904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359831747979624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963295233647747,0.10977042686047532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860899924717492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585420451451254,0.0,0.11770530853206665,0.1641943665116606,0.0,0.22970633559414716,0.0,0.19645946913943765,0.10411692245598918
suicidewatch,Customatom,2019/03/11,No sleep Tomorrow is my exam and i cant fucking sleep of god sake and the alarm goes by 3:30 am in the morning i know I'm fucked up I'm thinking all abt mu life and regretting it all i fell like dying ,-1.418840579710146,0.5359955217391317,1.5086956521739123,97.90115942028986,93.78260869565216,4.8057971014492775,18.536231884057973,6.42735559955562,-0.11443768115941964,158,5,39,2,6,55,36,46,0.231,0.672,0.096,-0.7806,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,3,5,2,0,2,8,9,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,9,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32898890886081616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5861102358793627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421118006248518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390168131302488,0.1548668721807253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6344442844577335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311645159936612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,harlow1986,2019/03/11,"Suicide Is Not a Sin I hope what i say wont offend anyone but I’m sorry when I was little I used to go to church with my parents (i just said this to someone wanted to know wat others think) anyhoo they tell u suicide is a sin..and Jesus suffered for us with 3 days hanging from the cross...Well guess what..
He got off easy..3 days is cake walk compared to loads of suffering from mental illness, or drugs or losing loved ones etc..And I dont even know if I believe in god anymore cause all I’d get from praying for some relief all I got was scraped knees from kneeling..Agnostic i guess but I’m more spiritual anyways..just a thought but please dont take this as bashing anyone’s beliefs..its just my honest experiance",0.7255030030030056,3.126928952702705,2.4463963963963984,92.16782282282284,87.17567567567568,4.3699699699699694,22.41141141141141,5.82211442006289,0.3000933933933938,567,21,116,4,18,186,101,148,0.174,0.6609999999999999,0.165,-0.3285,1,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,1,1,4,9,1,0,4,0,8,5,1,2,2,24,26,8,2,3,9,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,6,2,13,4,17,19,4,9,4,3,0,1,8,3,0,7,3,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497479502216434,0.20442986589353213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469879491828782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017076786496827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855258491779034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426520498513077,0.0,0.1695265009114748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303329350692194,0.09655285216492407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429955565181914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637486827055022,0.0,0.08307947689308905,0.0,0.23383266861893875,0.0,0.3220753093315997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451932435835981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067730557606302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651431494785358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354199350602386,0.0,0.0,0.13193635590504674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731862968075712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905775271812703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623195260278124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046563328869282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905402610032686,0.11625102161811562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238608425025269,0.0,0.0,0.16364050935745264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198021413150683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991183237015864,0.0,0.1277708608131089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366851240388584,0.0,0.11605340512708075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758408044048429,0.12625564648584314,0.0,0.0,0.08622284177441307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swjdqw10,2019/03/11,"I feel like a backpack that only drags everyone down. I feel like all I do is only pulling people down. I disappoint everyone and I can't do anything to get better. I'm at the end of the line. 

I've manipulated and done things that no one should do. I've lied and only made things worse. I'm a useless friend and a useless brother. I'm done with this so called life. Everyone is better without having me around, they might not think so straight away. But they will once they notice I stop dragging them down.",1.7231283422459889,4.124295715686273,2.9498930481283416,90.429064171123,82.0392156862745,5.6698752228164,22.998217468805706,6.980632752743323,0.7753019607843132,401,14,82,5,11,129,64,102,0.204,0.648,0.14800000000000002,-0.638,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,2,3,8,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,2,1,18,20,7,0,1,3,1,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,11,5,10,14,1,10,0,3,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924164310543776,0.13981090625105227,0.0,0.0,0.14755692677674942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27780210389471444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036917622356345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214405027699757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910277905747062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502140294896183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588219302156037,0.22439809389207974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133913928336268,0.0,0.08205396807007381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093152689367776,0.15345680743002538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486078126911532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666089373619032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880644298869794,0.0,0.1672568446210417,0.10642351159066564,0.3583387761142033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888111732840047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130375273224132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867872461305084,0.10063353692124664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139396300911406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600509270591729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarrenTheDazza,2019/03/11,"The only thing stopping me from killing myself is the fear that there is an afterlife. I was not raised in a religious household and I have never held religious believes. But the thought that we don’t know what’s after death terrifies me. If I had absolute confidence that there was just nothing, I would be dead by now. But there’s a tiny part of me that isn’t sure and that has stopped me.",3.91,5.442655384615384,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,72.07692307692308,8.276923076923078,29.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.265651282051281,312,13,64,6,6,98,55,78,0.215,0.6809999999999999,0.104,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,6,0,11,0,0,0,2,16,14,5,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,10,1,5,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175419959545561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171531798036717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31181894442047525,0.0,0.1548942490518424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173756889769436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270437194377505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435528035113546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052098968652359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712688875027973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265634904632695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872448204021266,0.0,0.0,0.2237528812500375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021409469475607,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilovemeandmemes,2019/03/11,"A girl in my class killed herself today Today, the results of our midterm exams were out, no one really did that good except for some. I got home and took a little nap. I wake up and hear she's dead because her parents weren't happy with her grades and apparently, the dad hit her and she hung herself a few hours later.
I live in a country where the education system is beyond fucked up and us students are brainwashed to believe that our grades are the only thing that matters and it's what defines us. They teach us if we have bad grades, people will think we're selfish and disrespectful to our parents. Specially in our school, at least 2-4 people commit suicide every year due to low grades. It's almost scary to see how suicide has been so normalized in our school. You'll see people constantly and casually talk about killing themselves or poisoning themselves everyday because of just some grades. 
I don't blame the girl who killed herself. I blame the people who pushed her to the edge and the people who are brainwashing on a daily basis.",6.732433333333333,7.178131910000005,6.544999999999997,77.82333333333334,64.9,8.866666666666667,32.16666666666667,8.59863814320734,2.5337666666666667,842,31,150,11,12,265,125,200,0.238,0.708,0.054000000000000006,-0.9932,3,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,9,1,1,0,7,12,5,0,13,0,13,3,1,2,1,25,21,13,6,2,4,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,10,12,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,8,0,1,6,3,26,4,21,12,4,24,0,1,2,1,30,13,1,5,8,103,36,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146728884427922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561745768659796,0.13961779793114276,0.0,0.0,0.12902218051814504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375290083493448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648606260313827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586972581254488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960519749241178,0.09159022929269267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219061721329297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906971895055105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487054416342198,0.0,0.11277682136786135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800904508557059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147767741778134,0.1011211865450086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220298652239892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760012609236656,0.08709583623213027,0.0,0.0,0.25431660503855585,0.0,0.0,0.3969606108403733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336294154620944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23179595931285274,0.18251148717891136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505274530230365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204495243568317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608044078197522,0.07337828866468736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709869159336015,0.0,0.12723332724787412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132519127350029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374561456892756
suicidewatch,Alexinator197,2019/03/11,Where can I purchase a suicide/exit bag? I can't find anywhere that sells them online and I can't make one. Thanks.,-0.5712499999999991,1.5624177083333386,1.0083333333333364,98.52000000000002,101.08333333333334,2.4000000000000004,18.5,3.1291,-0.8393000000000002,91,3,19,0,4,29,20,24,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681695774599722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149508997078669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212407455696575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723244851939391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_origi,2019/03/11,"I'm scared First of all this is a throwaway account obviously. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but what the heck.

I'm very scared about the future live holds for me and honestly thinking it might be best to just end it before its to late. A few years ago when I was around 11 (currently 17) I went through some rough times that kinda fucked me up mentally a bit. Since then I've slowly but surely been feeling more empty inside. It's not as if I'm sad, but it's more just feeling like a piece of wood that is adrift in the middle ocean. Without purpose, trajectory or feelings. Just afloat in the cold water that carries it. (Idk if that made any sense)

From the outside I look like I have nothing to complain about. I got friends who care about me, I have good grades and a good education. People generally consider me a smart and funny guy.  However in all social situations I feel it gnawing away at me from the inside. I'm always in my own head conversing with my own thoughts. I can't live in the moment. For example: I might crack a joke, but inside I just boredly observing everyone or having a conversation with myself. And that is all i ever do. Even as I'm typing this I feel as if the outside world is fake and the only thing that is real is myself.

My plan in life was to just keep on observing the world around me for aslong as I could. Probably playing some vidya to supress the boredom. And in the end just ending it the way Sky King did. I've always wanted to fly a plane.

However it seems as if I might not get the opportunity to do it my the way that I wanted. Recently somewhere in my vision I've been seeing a person stare at me. But when I focus my eyes on that place where the person was standing they seem to dissapear. Usually she is standing behind glas, for example a car window or the window of a house. Eventhough I know that it is but a figment of my imagination I can't help but get freaked out by it. But was scares me even more are the implications. If it continues to become more frequent can I trust myself to stay sane? I'm really scared about losing the one thing that is real in this world and that is my own thoughts. If it continues to get worse in the coming year I'll probably rather kill myself than lose controll of my thoughts. I dont know which method I am going to use just yet though.

TLDR: I'm scared I'm going to have to kill myself early",3.2229602577873284,4.632096314285717,4.634457572502686,84.80276047261012,73.61224489795919,7.525241675617616,24.935553168635877,8.119692808369301,1.3919183673469386,1894,59,389,29,38,631,231,490,0.133,0.75,0.118,-0.8723,3,0,1,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,1,8,22,30,3,5,34,0,35,5,2,3,7,81,74,34,2,11,30,0,6,2,1,3,1,0,2,3,35,13,1,3,14,2,1,5,7,15,0,2,13,11,45,15,61,56,16,62,0,3,4,1,12,28,2,18,25,272,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050509773991953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236296114443674,0.0,0.0,0.05408815304949277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161028104908024,0.0,0.0,0.0747279966631243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784279896304499,0.0676804611801493,0.0,0.08346958434937247,0.0,0.08683423051262135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810936705881435,0.0,0.0,0.0685144192650239,0.0,0.0,0.08920794673995719,0.0635041343638129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321722939920596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133956032369544,0.0,0.0,0.10506739268959316,0.0719461233834887,0.0,0.07600138520164493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010824725487016,0.05682152772451566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765446379784584,0.0,0.0,0.06145039066307158,0.07353103594515616,0.124665011383988,0.0,0.09040586401592844,0.1334243791894594,0.06361331712779461,0.0,0.0,0.0787545215274859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162830927546341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533122363312643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177546983781966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069648727214121,0.17599267646961772,0.0,0.0874233395634421,0.0,0.0897216409820286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617961116856389,0.07771590289973147,0.0,0.14046594615392502,0.0,0.06679137608566851,0.1779639903706392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526020210288455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015498231332352,0.2531298066555177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631827139926987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053896594302602116,0.06049176963013673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055141211938523664,0.13889796311307173,0.1661992889763048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617483401263893,0.0,0.17150951910994236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106192686759887,0.050953689078483536,0.0,0.07853357773799942,0.0,0.0,0.06792449697260264,0.0,0.0,0.3981540169156675,0.0,0.06338100255364136,0.14481570634180393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579415140662384,0.08940335950084738,0.0,0.08107835331915578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477627557446885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992609867545262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568221619404362,0.05096434830624478,0.07814508241399329,0.189431411129475,0.046378892071452786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869476815634452,0.08759919876880755,0.06562667706002534,0.09382642741667203,0.12626615696731214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373195792106725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667120622320313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105539607302534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243894359879227
suicidewatch,ahemAhsoka,2019/03/11,"Needing a little encouragement      Hey, so I’ve been self harming on and off for a few years now. I’m a few months clean, but last night I got the urge to really hurt myself again. Im feeling like I deserve/need to hurt myself, and it’s quite hard for me at the moment to not do so.
        
I’m really trying my best to be the best that I can be at the moment; and I really don’t want to fall into that pit of self harm once again. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated ❤️🌺

",2.1166588785046727,3.033632383177572,4.624380841121496,85.7304030373832,75.6355140186916,7.592990654205607,20.85163551401869,8.07648339933343,0.7267205607476628,383,8,88,6,8,136,70,107,0.151,0.605,0.244,0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,14,7,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,8,6,14,8,4,16,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,1,10,55,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547201861565656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211256971789712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768916061474658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079510415407216,0.12828359584377436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361713581986255,0.19797463289674744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085788391511704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38446305757425003,0.0,0.19396452733888767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637209287458794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772797808744719,0.1799745638083674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332966638715686,0.0,0.0,0.13314758432037047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851264118121026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123432900272053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099294059013708,0.0,0.0,0.34510806299599045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746577005813418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191505663739315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059140080898642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275601348873502,0.0,0.0,0.11563606757462168
suicidewatch,starruby-xx,2019/03/11,"I feel like everyone would be better off if I was dead Imo, I'm a massive burden to everyone close to me, mainly my parents, and my SO. I've also been a rubbish friend to everyone else, particularly my best friend. I've just been too wrapped up in my own shit, and now she lives far away with her new husband. I feel so guilty. I feel guilty for all the crap I put my partner and my parents, and I feel guilty for not being a better friend to my best friend when she was still nearby.

Maybe everyone would be better off if I wasn't here any more. My parents would have less of a financial burden, my SO wouldn't have to put up with my near-daily panic attacks and crying about my fucking weight, and maybe my best friend could have a new, better best friend.

Idk how I'd do it tho maybe I'll end up sticking around being a drain on everyone else cos I'm also a lazy piece of shit lmao ",3.303330561330561,4.113910875675678,4.375135135135135,89.04158004158009,72.67567567567569,7.2058212058212066,23.960498960498967,7.321109707123232,0.7941143451143446,692,18,153,7,13,226,94,185,0.19,0.5710000000000001,0.239,0.9211,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,8,15,23,5,1,8,0,18,5,3,2,1,26,25,16,1,7,4,4,5,1,7,4,0,0,0,1,1,10,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,5,5,23,15,21,11,10,19,0,0,0,1,14,11,4,2,7,103,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892462855125345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590681218111827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732426473380323,0.0,0.09881636375537467,0.08160830349603655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646189635180201,0.307284231268628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693510451481499,0.0,0.09541218582499858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512161206276036,0.0,0.07693262565463588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149946731219991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567712429347807,0.06205316195688922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026492630698304,0.08030113700012298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243565513271335,0.0,0.0766994170622811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26178915563367194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677808335206963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191208719592076,0.2893449338685361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463759663463094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783221198365797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936691130451361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577269444281197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510963129799546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoshJRead,2019/03/11,"I’m done with life I know that I’m 14, but for years I have been struggling. I am awaiting a diagnosis of autism, but I’ve been struggling to cope with life in general. For my entire life I have been bullied by students and teachers because I can’t fit in and because I am different and I still have scars from it. I hated all of it. I had 1 friend, but then moved away to a town I didn’t know because my family are poor, with a single mother who is semi-paralysed and a father who cheated and left us when I was 6 months old and never pays child support and never visits me. At school I always got beaten up and I thought that would be the end of it. But then my brother got sent to jail because someone attacked and raped his girlfriend and he defended her. My brother got almost 10 years for defending his girlfriend and the rapist wasn’t punished. My other brother moved away with his fiancée to live close to my dad for support though he never gets it. When I was 13 I started cutting mostly on my arms because it was a release of anger. Around this time I made my first friend, we’ll call her K. K was the best thing to ever happen to me, and she was so supportive and cared for me. She was the first person I ever hung out with in school and outside. She came to my first birthday party too. We hung out 3 times over the course of 6 months and I was head over heels in love with her. Around this time I was also scared of being bisexual as my step father is a racist and homophobic so I didn’t want to be kicked out. I confessed my love for K one night and she didn’t like me that way. I was devastated. I loved her so much and even now I still have feelings for her. I can’t even look in her direction without feeling awkward and it’s my fault. I got diagnosed with anxiety around this time too, and I have Irritable bowel syndrome so I’m always in pain when I go to the toilet. I was stressed so much. I still didn’t have any friends and I still self harmed. We got into contact with my sister and we saw her all the time. I finally felt happy, and her boyfriend was like a brother to me. I trust him so much, but he turned out to be a pedophile and I was at risk. My brother came out of jail, and my sister took all of his money, so he couldn’t afford the hostel he was staying in and got re arrested. 3 of my 5 pets died last year, and my stepdad and Nan have cancer whilst my brother has something on his throat that is unclear. I already tried to kill mused October last year and before Christmas, but I was caught the first time when doing it in the school bathroom and Christmas time I got stopped. I see CAMHS once a week but it doesn’t help st all. I’m still lonely, I’m still awkward and anti social and in pain and all I want is someone to love. I can’t talk to my mum about what’s affecting me because I don’t know what side of her I’ll see. She had to go to a mental asylum before. My stepdad drinks alcohol and it scares me because he has shouted at me before and hit me on 2 occasions. All I want is someone to love, someone I can run away with, but I’m stuck in this hell hole of a town and my grades are going from 9’s (the highest) to 1’s. This is just some of what’s going on, but the last month I’ve been getting even worse and I’m suicidal everyday for the past few months. I’m planning on jumping off of a bridge tomorrow.",2.467218645377286,3.714648152974509,3.8235472572753046,90.51260648982748,75.26062322946177,6.437661601854237,25.159309812001034,6.823360437735567,0.8227697450424927,2620,87,578,23,55,862,285,706,0.205,0.6829999999999999,0.112,-0.9978,3,2,3,0,1,0,57.0,5,0,0,7,32,41,11,8,25,0,59,21,5,2,11,104,115,62,3,5,11,13,3,2,5,2,8,1,1,3,25,61,2,1,8,1,3,15,15,24,0,5,43,8,98,17,89,64,14,108,2,1,4,7,67,40,1,4,53,393,123,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059794797250069164,0.05602702620399658,0.0,0.06174352016912996,0.044744139681392944,0.09311173043237846,0.0,0.0,0.03804872211066633,0.0,0.042802500750640585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494252417914742,0.0,0.06365254640283763,0.1577039306363604,0.0,0.0,0.2387512467253492,0.0,0.1428310035328184,0.0,0.058717313136871487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713241209303047,0.1279864922866497,0.05704595855434046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056789271523410616,0.05806849291013636,0.058457076131471414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057257484574354214,0.0,0.05481085709453353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955613967436135,0.0,0.0,0.11086568320276767,0.10122209397881247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274579445003578,0.0,0.05658119708639589,0.0,0.05372190861752062,0.06129178453020963,0.0,0.19036818581953874,0.0,0.0,0.129683232248195,0.0,0.05846436613370856,0.0,0.1271933835111424,0.0,0.31324489793594323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947744507462022,0.05956107318189625,0.0,0.05524020818464774,0.05742205419999567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037502897601445616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190169254233473,0.0,0.09224791841178497,0.1368230420359157,0.0,0.0,0.06079112247923828,0.0,0.1185599226330776,0.054669842216753986,0.0,0.049405918393368345,0.0,0.0469849008478288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25249062920329285,0.05294236083796347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056385631157239574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863879727297766,0.11893450262674166,0.12339166882298575,0.0,0.1294590015071455,0.0,0.0,0.052506393659968835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587113530486529,0.05958618231565914,0.03791396865510574,0.0,0.11907200406946898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341173381012096,0.0,0.04885441360320595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203378701437723,0.16987674849858572,0.08917169536376132,0.0,0.058369284869579735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703518350512266,0.1896290182798157,0.0430739530946718,0.0,0.0,0.039602534289501744,0.05963651500465655,0.2680961152281979,0.04677769311480408,0.06409188944120274,0.11698464654735445,0.0,0.061201511385773615,0.1904782133588644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497144034731765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03717147886642653,0.0,0.05497175180606454,0.04441898835346023,0.2283790874184212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621638214275432,0.0379871795493176,0.06085881875439327,0.0,0.0,0.06730238233310737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900436959310367,0.04441144361164398,0.04488066292666031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393494240424253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701903405595135,0.03974611406459135,0.0,0.0,0.14412290598032249
suicidewatch,InxsU2,2019/03/11,"Just this mom's perspective... My 17 yos is presently in hospital following suicidal gestures.  I recently learned- a few days ago, that he has been having these thoughts for about 4 years.

I lost a brother and a grandfather to suicide and it was always my worst fear that my son would follow suit.

Despite my sensitivity, despite my constantly asking him how he felt, etc. if everything was okay, and such...I wrote off a lot of his other behavior (sleeping off schedule, retreating to room, not showering every day...) to some typical teenage things.  Every time before, when I asked, he would respond ""I am fine, I am okay"".  In fact, the morning after his latest gesture- made on facetime, when I asked him if he knew why I was getting a call from his guidance counselor about him, was to say ""everything is fine and cool"".

I have since learned a lot of things.  

That my son did not want to burden me or stress me out by his negative feelings.  I talked so openly about the pain I felt losing my brother that he felt it was a taboo topic.  Ironically, I talked so openly to let him know how much it would hurt everyone.  I admit at the time, I thought I could guilt him out of ever doing it.  My strategy had the reverse effect..it made him feel unsafe to share his feelings.

There are a million things teenagers do not feel comfortable sharing with their parents, no matter what.  That doesn't mean the parents can't still sit down, hold a hand, put a hand around their child's shoulder and just share whatever is on the parents' mind.  Sometimes sharing our own mistakes and failures, instead of always presenting that we are handling them- is important. I thought showing I was strong and could handle my shit was good modeling behavior.  Instead, it taught my son that he must have something wrong with him because things were not rolling off his back.  Sometimes being a parent means showing your child how you have bad days, how they effect you, and how you cope.

One other thing to mention is that while I would describe my son as popular, well-liked and well-known, and well-mannered....I have learned that he is intensely lonely.  He fit in nowhwere, and yet everywhere.  He could always adapt...but sometimes, one just wants to be among the same, if that makes sense.

I have hope for him because he doesn't want to die.  He just wants to stop feeling like crap.  I have hope that we can support him anyway we can and start changing our ways too to better support them.

I guess I would just offer to those who feel your parents don't care, or are useless.  Yes, sometimes we seem useless.  Sometimes we say the wrong things and do the wrong things- though we think we are doing it right.  We are just as flawed and our good intentions get buried in the execution of parenting.  Sometimes all we know to do is to ask if you are okay?  What is wrong?  What can we do?  And when you say- I am fine, nothing is wrong, there is nothing for you to do...we feel like there is nothing we can or should do...so we retreat.  Not saying it is right...it is just why we may do it.  

We care, immensely so...but maybe the same thing that stops you saying...""I am not okay, I actually want to kill myself""....is the same thing that stops us from saying ""I don't think you are okay, but for now, I am just going to sit here, spend time with you, and listen to whatever you want to talk about, and if no talking, then I am going to share how I once felt like dying and killing myself when I was your age"".  Maybe it is useless...but no one else has come up with the perfect and right answer for any parent.

And this is not fair, nor probably pc...but all I can do is beg of you...please don't.",3.800145577271813,5.4563023681241205,4.093517781583721,88.26420574753176,72.56840620592385,6.9824803546242205,27.611348982470282,7.5804360353943165,1.4753693129155754,2845,106,571,34,56,886,304,709,0.119,0.7929999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9633,9,2,1,0,0,4,140.0,18,13,5,6,39,53,4,3,24,7,83,7,6,11,6,146,138,47,6,24,24,14,13,3,0,8,1,6,2,2,41,44,0,5,28,2,1,6,18,23,0,4,25,20,94,30,62,99,13,62,0,6,0,0,104,22,2,16,34,398,135,4,0.0,0.0,0.04778381462047799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340546092589333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223106247970172,0.0,0.0,0.03329860235643972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359017799999749,0.18310663808132446,0.0,0.0,0.03765188040301352,0.04088461778058074,0.05969851575107514,0.0,0.04166651359080528,0.0,0.0,0.04330650405698682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999982565555741,0.0,0.0998483304862644,0.0,0.051799602605801534,0.04217992802787741,0.0,0.05291491922383098,0.0,0.11728625210601575,0.0,0.0,0.09473718045506148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016380865159367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04090486293817207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461010449289248,0.0,0.044292607873705266,0.08251204092064894,0.04678917215110767,0.08801508120242386,0.0,0.0,0.05510043491041665,0.1733109911031875,0.06996273121963463,0.18806039978749586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116549444802283,0.0,0.0556570847187579,0.08214082191379805,0.0,0.0,0.053941639522949836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726869933380372,0.0,0.0,0.05241918380917355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834738886434027,0.0,0.05382093594749511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007111756913167,0.0,0.07176703589033273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054780500118895764,0.053452242691841706,0.083258392435856,0.0,0.09266574663017606,0.032685227671460565,0.0,0.09838598471709456,0.10667679627746217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494417655663502,0.05734846186628061,0.0,0.0,0.035995690843296214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095277589880464,0.0,0.0,0.05214725963979836,0.0995420158129544,0.0,0.05210334401982604,0.0,0.3805971320862437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375003358465322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279369839048078,0.0,0.0,0.04922441842157884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834808048138211,0.0,0.0,0.12545025226960116,0.0,0.19469889558788975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044576865252084034,0.0,0.0,0.050262960609926716,0.0405052337997905,0.0,0.049001426291651586,0.0,0.0,0.03769646801402901,0.2905721336741512,0.0,0.034658431833212835,0.0,0.0391043616319307,0.12281346513959053,0.056090460398858635,0.0,0.0,0.10712185209903248,0.11113221736688056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742826843605176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927778917663726,0.06275095276601061,0.04810890885909396,0.11662075477503832,0.08565751635518404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589001454617307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328871782038502,0.03886698209202168,0.0,0.0,0.1320791152552991,0.0,0.08836851240500908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392043333296398,0.2676835185499973,0.0,0.031532539534014734
suicidewatch,Starter91,2019/03/11,"Please let me out. One addiction replaces other addiction, I have no talents and my physical health is in toilet, no motivation no imagination. Just let me out please. ",5.1667816091954,8.307409586206894,6.490344827586206,65.74747126436785,73.82758620689657,10.763218390804601,33.804597701149426,10.504223727775694,4.952990804597701,134,7,20,5,3,45,22,29,0.17600000000000002,0.5589999999999999,0.266,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565837988373383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713497457241795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220803505167075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298372471586693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5604395854639439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Prowlzian,2019/03/11,"I honestly don't know anymore I'm sorry if this is not the best way for this but my brain made me think about this again for the 1000th time and made me feel like an idiot so I just want to put it in words... I apologise for any grammar errors and weird phrasings as I am writing this on my phone and not in my native language.


So yeah, you could probably tell already that this is another post about a random dude being depressed and not knowing what to do.  Well...yeah. 

To start, I am a 20 y/o male currently living with my girlfriend of 2 years in a small apartment we rented for university. I've always been the big guy in the class,  181 cm and a bit chubby, but also the shy one that just sits by himself with a hoodie on either resting my head on the desk or using my phone. I've never been good at social interactions, I get anxious thinking how much I fuck up and how I make it awkward. I always feel like I am making others feel uncomfortable when they talk to me just because I keep it short. It never helped that I sucked at math and every teacher that i had made sure to embarrass me in front of the class just because of it, which didn't help my self-esteem that much. Thinking back on it now, on all the slaps over the head that I received, the tears I had to hold in  and the clenched teeth, the fact that I was being picked on by my classmates all throughout 1-12 grade, the fact that whenever I got angry my reaction would be to retaliate but at the same time start crying, the fact that I would go home everyday feeling like utter shit and thinking to myself that I am worthless just to be greetwd by parents that I could not please but also could not confess to, all of these made me burst out crying just a few minutes ago, and pushed me to make this post... 

All in all I am doing better now, got a couple of friends that I can finally trust, got a gf that loves me, got a cat that I love. But all these thoughts gnaw at the back of my mind, my friends probably think I'm that stupid friend that everyone has, I don't know if I love my gf, how does one ever know that, I sometimes can't tell how I feel nevermind if I love someone. I am a total mess and sometimes these thoughts combined with the fact that I tend to keep to myself, no one knows how many times I laid on the kitchen floor banging my head on the wall trying to find a way to end it,  make me a strange guy that is sometimes happy and full of jokes, and other times sad for no reason.  Recently suicide has been on my mind a lot. But although I want to be done with it and just leave more space for other people more important than me, I can't help it but think about the people that would be affected. Although my parents and I aren't that close they would probably mourn their child, my sister who is my only confidant would be sad and my gf as well. I am too weak to get a knife and do it and too much of an idiot to just find another way. I want to make people happy, but I am useless. I want to see people smile because of me, but I am useless. I want the life that others are having, I want a mind that isn't so fucked up and...I don't know anymore. I just want something .

I am sorry, this is the best way I can say it, although I still feel like I made it look like I am just a whinny idiot, and I know that tomorrow I'll be emberrased by this post. 

I'm sorry for wasting your time.",7.114702169274538,4.774297722617356,7.345949057610245,81.52448546408252,65.37268847795164,10.209975106685633,33.06405583214793,8.17850203761792,2.2321437055476534,2621,78,579,25,32,856,279,703,0.174,0.6809999999999999,0.145,-0.9689,4,0,1,0,0,1,67.0,1,2,3,3,35,43,8,2,40,1,56,15,6,19,15,139,119,48,2,18,29,3,6,5,7,5,2,1,3,4,54,26,1,3,25,1,1,5,17,20,1,3,19,9,85,23,74,84,21,71,1,7,2,6,40,33,4,6,30,407,139,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731007257379941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588961027773984,0.08536136074337862,0.0888177096204596,0.0,0.0,0.03629403444831241,0.11192806048778167,0.0,0.060293912755948274,0.10585916071204872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207783796826132,0.0,0.09760319505258233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120189098337442,0.04720221387238771,0.0582671874677247,0.0,0.0,0.0595795625469352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783693527683326,0.05905387316160566,0.11725083015812746,0.0,0.0,0.04596826818982153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670522431840389,0.054616949066543435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727076602560711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827702432570605,0.044967275555867936,0.050998171265044336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191554950577888,0.15251269406461276,0.0,0.0584651997685452,0.0975600506633542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370264853822867,0.09868105310128067,0.05576817303571743,0.0,0.030331905952872287,0.04476496923564623,0.17074230071009985,0.0,0.0,0.10569114144694353,0.0,0.11362860679287827,0.0,0.0,0.16432178777246778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732014495778523,0.0,0.05353535291304429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948769961541083,0.0,0.0,0.20531871243219368,0.0,0.0,0.056512064933248965,0.0,0.0,0.03769743701876646,0.13037160163536995,0.0,0.04712747247868136,0.0,0.044818104664902714,0.0,0.0,0.04537402096988735,0.1926772429839148,0.25250412647753195,0.1781274130308214,0.054109704199718514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616681496216133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770123227451995,0.0,0.08232583907686254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849648619774996,0.04059096580329895,0.0,0.0,0.11852411165578652,0.0,0.0,0.14800261667557466,0.0,0.0,0.058585208761534724,0.0,0.0,0.1533436747536598,0.0,0.17262853445265086,0.0,0.0,0.05365248423243265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054874162441994924,0.05269731383070219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042442672805747116,0.0,0.0,0.04252968830245553,0.0,0.05567747662111398,0.0,0.054784450239787716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544048998250178,0.04522098075875936,0.0410875175491047,0.15835552069724862,0.1792330209167432,0.07555237937101264,0.0,0.042622060618531785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058379089738242775,0.0,0.0503014309348745,0.0,0.0,0.04289749864419794,0.09329701819591353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051874625524844,0.0,0.08474104800527507,0.15560497184805025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03623533003676524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460953118440524,0.0,0.0,0.22035673042807846,0.16945330880255025,0.0,0.0,0.09597367696628237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895657400596956,0.0,0.0,0.0343691024578086
suicidewatch,WhaddupBoi2,2019/03/11,"Alone in a room full of people I am sitting in a class with 20 other people right now. Nobody knows that I spent last night hysterically crying and debating whether or not to take my own life. 

​

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 4 years now, and I'm only 22. I attempted to take my life in February of 2018 and I thought I was getting better.

​

*I thought*.

​

I am an overly sensitive person and I when I feel an emotion, I feel it with every fiber of my being. When I love someone, I love endlessly. I am not even talking about romantic love (this type of love is not for me). I mean platonic love. I mean friendships.

I have all this love to give and no one seems to be interested in receiving it. I hurt so deeply inside my heart, it's really affecting the way I interact with people as well as the way I live my life. I'm a full-time student and my degree is in jeopardy. I cannot find the motivation anymore.

​

I spent most nights laying awake, staring at the ceiling waiting for something that is never going to happen. It hurts, this void inside of me, it hurts. 

I don't know how to reach out. Some people care, but nobody cares enough. I'm at this point where thinking about ending it all gives me relief.

I don't feel at home in this world anymore. I cannot find the words to explain anymore.

I just needed to get this off my chest.",2.9644724220623497,4.86819484172662,4.208075539568345,85.52395983213431,75.40287769784173,6.9354916067146295,25.971822541966425,7.793537801064563,1.5008700239808148,1098,40,216,16,24,360,148,278,0.069,0.797,0.133,0.953,0,1,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,3,13,16,0,0,10,0,16,11,2,3,3,44,51,16,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,15,12,0,1,15,0,2,2,9,4,1,1,6,4,36,12,37,43,7,33,0,4,1,6,14,18,0,4,10,147,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674442703016911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211458214353765,0.3601545682296217,0.0,0.0,0.0566856873824216,0.0,0.22045949461244985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553472333680264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109815157206802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139449492980555,0.0,0.07639302448104497,0.06382153485928249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335162975651411,0.06562989994033062,0.0765642845373645,0.0,0.048941824653992334,0.0,0.06243177429623607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124003502195355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545065801855258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742755034277388,0.14216541478417316,0.04211228461176519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552568038770218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780791218292512,0.0,0.0,0.07432754216527973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23797418770779066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144596807919477,0.060400740233569734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701537509726338,0.0,0.0,0.06543095370066661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012645417348309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143150971735035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549436200256603,0.0571498733296533,0.0,0.0,0.13907416456468671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021153757185767,0.056355782825875576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054842292604951,0.06470056581265084,0.0,0.0,0.07004769769770695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047469846781497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328031438574044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745713132773523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278401413662887,0.057045186534179664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142675760775714,0.059558132444565585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0474797772088672,0.0,0.11765298024601935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763299641944493,0.0,0.0,0.06662408234288636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601545682296217,0.04771745721495276
suicidewatch,somehwerebuthere,2019/03/11,"so numb, and no longer sad, it just seems, logical. like if you have an open wound you keep picking at it, the pain starts to go away, your body releases dopamine and it actually feels good. Something snapped in my brain now, the pain of isolation and inability to connect with others, finally pushed me far enough. I'm just, numb, content. 

I think it'll be okay to go now. My family blocked me, I have no friends, I havent talked to anyone in weeks, and no one has reached out to me. My new 'friends', abandoned me when we went out.

I never did find my place in life, it's hurt so much, I'll admit that. Just wanted anyone. 30 shit years, happy birthday to me. ",2.6606818181818177,4.317562492424248,3.482424242424244,91.46863636363638,75.5909090909091,6.921212121212123,25.63636363636364,7.686295010490155,1.1516272727272725,507,18,112,7,11,161,89,132,0.251,0.639,0.11,-0.9699,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,3,0,0,9,14,1,0,3,1,7,9,3,1,1,25,18,8,0,2,4,0,1,1,2,1,6,0,0,0,7,9,0,3,6,0,0,4,5,8,0,1,2,1,17,6,15,14,2,23,0,3,0,0,8,10,1,2,10,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.16948012819074534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428728763463755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631718208995998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929119300619049,0.0,0.19387688584170745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945098712204074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637237694167654,0.0,0.08781445953831257,0.0,0.0,0.19025065604181646,0.15873428736800366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683591849701793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740512405252394,0.14566895860253973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487850099755687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592090359871966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436884533923448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267061691926273,0.08484802186101782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276698887874443,0.0,0.13394758724482028,0.16773479501968966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768555060144308,0.0,0.3696013595307344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145167691792785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581056869835398,0.0,0.0,0.17827318884177334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370222285723538,0.0,0.0,0.12292688469174305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395920529121741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112828643270057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024370362763745,0.0,0.13931027838127705,0.0,0.0,0.16099692711834854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183993753638716
suicidewatch,Schiz1717,2019/03/11,"[Podcast] Talking Suicide with a Bipolar and a Schizophrenic [Mental Health] Talking Suicide with a Bipolar and a Schizophrenic (NSFW)

**Tigger Warning** Suicide is something that most people think they understand, but there are many misconceptions about it. We say it’s a serious problem, yet will mention it casually and insensitively in certain settings. In this episode, our hosts openly discuss suicide and their personal stories with trying to end their own lives.

[WEB](https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-talking-suicide-with-a-bipolar-and-a-schizophrenic/)  // [iTunes](https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/a-bipolar-a-schizophrenic-and-a-podcast/id1360410451?)  // [GooglePlay](https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/Iwwkxsmonivv5a7qp5gsas6k7s4)  // [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/4OpZjOVTcCyj7FBQB5LKKB)

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suicidewatch,PartiallyConscious,2019/03/11,"I've been deluding myself for 6 years. Every passing day I promise myself that I'm going to improve this or get up and do that.For 6 years! But nothing ever works out for me.

My high school years still haunts me. I always think about the people who treated me like shit , my 'friends' treating me like a psychopath, my classmates who treated me like a creature instead of a person.

I thought my problems would go away once I graduate high school a few months ago. I thought  I could change my environment. It turns out my  mother lied about the money she's been saving for my travels.

And here I am stuck in my room. Constantly having to deal with my maternal family's psychotic mannerisms. My paternal family keeps pressuring me to go study this or work there.

My mother is addicted to prescription pills , she's never fully aware of her surroundings , and as of recently is smoking whole boxes of sigarettes , despite having severe asthma . I don't know how she became a police officer.
My brother is only 6 , but I can see he'll be even more fucked up than me when he grows up.

Gaming , webnovels and pornography is the only thing keeping me alive.

I don't even fucking recognise this world anymore . I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I don't wanna deal with this shit anymore. 

Sorry for the rant.",4.300560000000001,6.1512773360000015,5.097000000000001,80.78350000000002,71.64,7.88,28.9,8.548686976883017,2.3285599999999995,1034,41,184,18,20,335,146,250,0.11,0.8190000000000001,0.071,-0.8895,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,11,15,4,1,9,0,18,9,4,1,3,30,37,12,0,6,4,3,0,3,1,2,3,0,1,1,9,9,0,2,4,2,1,7,5,6,0,0,5,1,39,9,28,27,3,33,0,0,1,2,16,13,4,2,16,126,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153090148295423,0.0,0.0,0.09882130718977324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276124183284716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111867664668056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474020390928096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793226778896923,0.0,0.0,0.1204715115562989,0.0,0.17801724331867164,0.0,0.0,0.07189611485389329,0.2298643273402326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726448755389912,0.10084107657321263,0.09392767141208247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018900075963007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613005480891206,0.20612504128206685,0.0582442961842668,0.0,0.2534292113920876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355718973710696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817912491177367,0.0,0.0,0.06126712089970807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339216652776714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898318502737956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196226068729353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696916370445048,0.0,0.0,0.1187237793135661,0.0,0.1695728660961235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728698801176156,0.09734103434239363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667239832574753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007417986975812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256497375225872,0.0888360377352247,0.0,0.0,0.12594196013617415,0.2288675832371114,0.0,0.0,0.11156165369541393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479401288126228,0.0,0.0,0.08902898508292878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406311802823362,0.07143261524544288,0.0,0.1770071505058375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125947134529015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446471532570925,0.12819781308678999,0.0,0.0,0.16231920018116108,0.0,0.0,0.07919300568340447,0.0,0.0,0.2153706037877126
suicidewatch,lookatthemshoulders,2019/03/11,"I might be forced to jump in front of a train because I can't do it at home I cant find a way to do it at home (hanging), I just want to be alone in my final moments and be successful",0.7826515151515139,0.7568652954545456,3.5390909090909086,95.81196969696973,77.86363636363636,6.775757575757575,23.75757575757576,6.42735559955562,0.2977212121212123,139,4,39,1,3,50,30,44,0.119,0.76,0.121,0.0258,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33413689067311325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966660797241239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534143006048036,0.2948687185595541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6472280735308151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422487013484617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902895594940107,0.25608063793807034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Charlesj998,2019/03/11,"I recommend watching After Life on Netflix It’s about a suicidally depressed man after his wife dies of cancer. It really got to me because I’ve never seen anything so spot on with the betrayal of how someone who is suicidal acts. It was like looking into a mirror, everything he does and says relating to his depression reminds me of myself. 

It’s a deeply sad thing to watch but to know that it’s not only me who’s experiencing that indescribable state of mind made me feel a bit better for a while. ",6.105340136054423,6.5671171530612265,7.516734693877552,70.26278911564629,66.24489795918367,10.61496598639456,33.68027210884354,10.504223727775694,3.7112394557823127,403,17,71,10,6,139,72,98,0.146,0.7809999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7349,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,0,2,2,0,2,1,11,8,5,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,7,8,2,16,4,1,9,0,3,4,0,8,3,0,0,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806692336511218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190666209227794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137549150675315,0.2362370474931259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372745225142396,0.0,0.22457410481804024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936050931916948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944734375575065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094110682782367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306334300192594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891987467692645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528395587019606,0.10571508111439124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170941794881096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047493002881758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848778589403128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688992554072618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457101042636324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862216542627262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207852561787662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833428288453121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733814825964607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375698718595928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Afraid_Yam,2019/03/11,"I just wish I had 1 person I wish I had someone who stuck by me, lots of people say they care but what do you do with someone who cant get out of bed for months. Everyone drifts out of my life or just stops trying to comfort me, I'm so lonely ,everything is pointless.",5.127701149425285,3.7551816551724144,6.1913793103448285,85.10821839080461,68.65517241379311,9.11264367816092,29.67816091954023,7.793537801064563,1.6602919540229877,208,6,48,2,3,70,44,58,0.128,0.7240000000000001,0.149,0.0742,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,2,9,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541887037305379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382268979319817,0.22406423112562526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025446340601646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760954022114616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195489944491355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989972886139959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284053222809073,0.21768834076975316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826174216928413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224800105718736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843476869672575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692654865080806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5733896174353722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yallyallyallyall,2019/03/11,"im afraid i will kill myself yeah i know it sound weird. right now i feel pretty average, but im very lonely. and as the time goes on loneliness become crippling and literally the most hurtful thing. (im talking from experience) and im not sure if i will survive. how you cope with loneliness? ",1.035,3.6375958620689666,3.106465517241382,85.70383620689658,90.3793103448276,6.348275862068967,22.767241379310345,7.6454224807358475,1.4808206896551732,232,9,45,5,8,78,43,58,0.338,0.608,0.055,-0.9641,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,6,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,12,4,7,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,2,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067556655705118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312458270479934,0.0,0.0,0.09465759501552616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004092001510308,0.0,0.8088636869700172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711705107620484,0.0,0.10288419182453704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045704421795195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987394238224142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764405886649523,0.0,0.0,0.15047007157382294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437215802605835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916203504273857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446556183205018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elijahwoodman81,2019/03/11,"Please Listen Reading this sub absolutely kills me because I used to be exactly where a lot of you are. Tried killing myself at 18 and very nearly succeeded and had trouble living or wanting to live for the next 8-9 years.

I swear on my life I will talk to each and every one of you every single day text or on the phone if you need it. 

I’ll buy a damn plane ticket to go out to you if I have to to help you.

If you are reading this and need somebody please use me. All of you are worth something and I’m glad I gave life a 2nd chance.

Im sorry you are feeling this way. I understand how much of a black hole it can feel like and I’ll do anything to help any one of you on here. 
",1.969975594874924,2.7719580536912787,3.63098230628432,93.15616229408177,75.84563758389262,6.492007321537522,22.94142769981697,6.574015621080383,0.34073959731543635,526,14,127,4,11,176,92,149,0.102,0.746,0.152,0.7082,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,9,0,1,3,7,3,0,6,0,10,2,0,3,2,25,22,12,2,6,5,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,4,0,2,2,4,19,3,20,18,5,12,0,0,1,0,15,7,1,6,4,81,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230815674556064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380389759580683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171023218272016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702495622166812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535137879224925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213961624071676,0.107478355928378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550169293076079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168100863213007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625070483072235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328914986956325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125283316691837,0.07350011349262611,0.0,0.26569241555316914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790345631524133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059481540817558,0.22310698986043412,0.0,0.0,0.16000058633197758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038916438103157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302881485651526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009725952668185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158203613788446,0.0,0.16841151515818087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092246238244107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214267665414846,0.0,0.0,0.15661915965181447,0.0,0.2598733627198665,0.0,0.1241333634965065,0.08873670389740619,0.11941670264513199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688202413719847
suicidewatch,Vdiaz63,2019/03/11,Im tired of everything I'm done with life I just want to end it already nothing is worth it in the end not Hing makes me happy anymore I just want to die and not have to worry about anything ever again but I'm afraid of the consequences,0.27470588235294,2.5083755882352925,2.0700980392156865,95.36044117647059,87.23529411764706,4.968627450980391,20.264705882352946,6.42735559955562,0.13796470588235274,189,6,42,2,6,62,37,51,0.112,0.763,0.124,-0.0976,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,11,8,2,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,8,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26247830617826884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358877063748145,0.0,0.0,0.19573395029507396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685537234719954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434076891945473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213368971134048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515297234915187,0.0,0.0,0.2137682475848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532004906769204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25692362787972994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800363605289245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587696959608986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22822776494265595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733787066978459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805854408026629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415527452058865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,319throwaway03,2019/03/11,"Is there a difference between thoughts of suicide and being suicidal? Sometimes I think about suicide. Like how I wouldn't have to hurt anymore or how it would effect my kids. However,  ive never tried. I do have a history of depression and anxiety but am not currently taking any medication. 

Any experience with or like this? Any feed back would be helpful",4.009318681318682,6.974677184615384,5.2775824175824155,73.76384615384616,77.15384615384616,9.252747252747254,33.901098901098905,9.606745405546679,4.235263736263737,287,16,46,9,7,95,50,65,0.171,0.682,0.147,-0.1833,2,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,3,1,16,14,7,3,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,6,8,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37815933126485496,0.0,0.14180209095457086,0.0,0.18383016213558728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253260804217396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965277142926082,0.0,0.0,0.1936647504505709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132045874173375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242448269020954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843478997042646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111787401525056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673359400321726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296327539016074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833286217211132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082706943672765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936981226382636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877304478735826,0.0,0.14715741641598185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584922364563786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26335293419011657,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carrots084,2019/03/11,"what comes next I've got plans until September if I can last till then, but there's fuck all in store for me after that. I'll be on the other side of the country with no family, no friends, no job, no home. I can't see myself living to the age of 20, let alone 30 or 40. I'll probably die on the streets of an overdose if I don't off myself first. I don't see the point of going on anymore",3.4268181818181844,2.56304713636364,5.219454545454545,88.98918181818182,71.95454545454545,8.403636363636364,25.55454545454545,7.554174236665415,0.9721518181818176,300,7,75,3,5,104,63,88,0.245,0.7120000000000001,0.043,-0.962,1,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,12,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,1,2,7,1,15,9,1,18,0,0,2,1,1,8,1,3,8,49,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24337603587857876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330443175566816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242080293678252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438797793575727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152516912091502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988012787854825,0.0,0.0,0.18155065097585746,0.21724202724710548,0.0,0.0,0.13354873164370407,0.0,0.18794085783127704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357114811955334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23318869507908466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154606127164397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402904958867401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749814353507426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499117226156945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213900927799266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533561178942869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745090030820937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anditdotakenerve,2019/03/11,"Romanticizing. I'm pretty sure my life is FUBAR. Also, even if it wasn't, I don't care enough about myself to make the effort to try to not feel like dying. I'm simply not worth it. ",0.4734615384615388,2.4225260256410297,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,83.61538461538461,4.925641025641027,12.314102564102564,5.985473137389443,-1.0991589743589745,141,1,32,1,4,49,31,39,0.187,0.595,0.218,0.1016,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,6,8,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,4,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27279881723930444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34780130163901696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540355518633805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524749647047052,0.0,0.2253109007905793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248385769691768,0.2437009098290031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409478045362664,0.16665722485208362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277046531101576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470483874735721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215077816233789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23160256795864545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrownaway1961,2019/03/11,Yesterday I made a noose and now I can't stop thinking about it. I just woke up having a rough day. I was severely suicidal before so I had ordered the stuff to finally kill myself. Yesterday I finally braided together the rope and made a noose. Then I tested it. I pulled it as tight as I could. I felt so calm as it tightened around my neck. I felt like everything would be okay. I almost made myself pass out. I just feel like it's inevitable that I'll kill myself at this point and I think it'll be the best choice. No more pain. I feel so bad for my loved ones though. I know this will destroy them. But I can't stop thinking about how calm I felt.,0.7312009803921526,2.9421001102941204,2.3489411764705888,94.37056862745101,84.66176470588233,5.979607843137256,20.096078431372547,7.3011,0.4686672549019608,509,15,114,8,15,166,80,136,0.203,0.629,0.168,-0.8492,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,1,11,12,3,0,6,1,11,3,1,4,0,27,25,13,3,2,3,0,7,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,9,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,9,7,24,7,11,10,2,17,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,11,78,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152290707144985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258148435434614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800575325474197,0.0,0.0,0.12026254832978606,0.0,0.1483185065060961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128415630582207,0.0,0.0,0.09114701280261588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701948212907788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429227292573703,0.10096712707014044,0.40710070814552457,0.30964311740298744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127243430460488,0.0,0.07767200027947976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809469329108515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275570390726915,0.4011933518870114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576976374133596,0.0,0.15038649477288066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360378477821874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966416928434055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23631863278265455,0.0,0.0,0.1617905543036391,0.15459353093174294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716782197285091,0.138857309579096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039771853557987,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheLowestVibes,2019/03/11,"I cant Just going to get downvoted, like every post I ever make, but I can't do this anymore. I'm fighting for nothing. No friends. No family. No one who'd notice if I was dead. I'm trying so hard to get through each day. Trying to find something to eat or trying to get to sleep. I can't do it. Every second of every day is just someone screaming in my ear saying ""kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself"" and I cant keep fighting it. People say it gets better but they're liars. It **might** get better. It probably won't. I'm done trying to hold onto a life that doesn't want me back. Tired of waking up in the mornings and immediately crying because I know I have to fight for the basics. Life isn't worth living. My birthday soon. Might as well wrap this up now.",0.2486749482401649,2.6176819006211223,2.4248447204968926,91.3328364389234,90.24223602484473,4.060455486542444,19.467908902691512,5.622346879071545,-0.07996563146997904,610,19,123,4,21,205,97,161,0.33,0.5760000000000001,0.094,-0.9951,0,0,1,0,5,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,8,14,8,0,3,0,16,7,3,1,1,18,29,8,5,2,6,0,1,1,1,3,3,4,0,0,9,3,1,2,2,0,1,1,10,9,1,2,2,5,11,5,19,23,1,13,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,4,7,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369553077988626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815376288926907,0.0,0.06988560393308227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278569087865447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259304842352986,0.1478711262800563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732008778323688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730890519288745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037015949921449,0.2897762401096329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807567396780912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478206768760218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857327156717094,0.0,0.2994824439978181,0.0,0.06515453407491244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269804363726144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190039637556657,0.5073441180299741,0.0,0.06300506077266578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195216671133705,0.05600901555181205,0.0,0.1012322969828401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652541597633195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432372397172103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000351511592328,0.13052236670158546,0.0,0.0,0.077685391942981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794793570370063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979676755155697,0.0,0.12360506620512747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233820029964493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472627843055933,0.0,0.09713705219597453,0.08825815517053594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317658204389113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113416017133013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761969733699777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307826049424604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nice_Yams,2019/03/11,Has anyone had any luck with the national suicide helpline? I have talked to my best friend. Hes like a brother to me but he just can't empathize enough. I need to talk to someone trained but I can't afford therapy. I also dont have time with my work schedule. I've thought about killing myself for awhile but this last week has been unbearable. My life feels like it's in ruins. I already wrote a long ass note a few days ago and I have the entire situation planned. I seriously need help. Please.,1.0206538461538486,3.578261050000002,2.041999999999998,94.12330769230772,88.5,5.0769230769230775,23.69230769230769,6.67199483983844,0.739753846153846,395,16,83,5,13,124,74,100,0.17800000000000002,0.6559999999999999,0.166,-0.6486,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,1,0,5,0,11,2,1,0,0,13,16,5,2,2,4,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,13,5,9,12,3,9,0,1,0,1,8,2,1,1,9,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348524836363766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159710282001524,0.15650934424294652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308961998656765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684509435907047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053857385614485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621686250168407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937084994543674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022209119022564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895693732776507,0.13981537740791694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512051841350685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131180394854111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165242951661484,0.0,0.0,0.1595299014861561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823587384423391,0.191228196946822,0.0,0.0,0.1731973329594066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902332076094277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483098502070594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998641977296826,0.0,0.0,0.16582458346355078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407514999440164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146088264759483,0.0,0.0,0.2238116242682548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537200600207662,0.11412016815474478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569868852962076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247932737591815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cvrdinal,2019/03/11,"I’m exhausted I’ve been crying in the shower late at night for two weeks straight, just siting there cold and numb. I threw up blood and started experiencing awful chest pain, I haven’t told anyone. I’m tired of feeling alone, tired of feeling scared, tired of hiding from everyone. I feel so judged. I hate myself so much, I avoid mirrors. I lie everyday about feeling ok, whenever I do try to talking about it no one listens. I was bullied so much through Junior High, and High School for my skin colour , and it still haunts me. I’m 20 now. I dream about it constantly. I have such crippling anxiety, I hate leaving my room. The girl who I thought would help me hurt me. It seems like no one cares, I try so hard every day to step out of this depression built rut, but I don’t see change. I wrote a note recently. I have never experienced depression this bad, it’s overwhelming. I’m not scared, however. I’m just accepting it. I really don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t like this at all, I feel so alone.",1.7765040075436112,4.0896393613861415,3.1158840169731263,89.85582508250828,81.12871287128712,6.8179160773220175,23.48043375766148,7.957251820313856,1.280780009429514,789,28,166,15,21,256,123,202,0.276,0.62,0.104,-0.9859,2,4,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,0,15,18,2,4,3,2,11,9,3,0,2,23,33,10,0,2,4,0,7,2,0,1,6,1,2,1,10,5,0,1,8,1,0,2,8,13,0,3,6,13,25,5,19,25,3,23,0,4,2,0,7,10,0,1,13,95,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456798311047037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073316878561548,0.0,0.11762515641803133,0.08293198465487611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903095041650717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092659296246225,0.0,0.12546928785736206,0.0,0.0,0.12817081402281494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130282983019381,0.07649097655419508,0.0,0.2043101305441713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993056406973126,0.11333299511794885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998534673967211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624756631854984,0.23419749057046255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949901707485381,0.2506272350773898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697004092198474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379259170621707,0.1255864949725182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588967780723584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743779283563968,0.0,0.09147616166164692,0.0,0.0,0.11130357793878726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607408192038761,0.0,0.12620501201340362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598195980575725,0.0,0.11710899161589372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374903411856153,0.12003547630756176,0.09451352543015323,0.10797433294336034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394984790634483,0.0,0.09471880399185884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533090861529496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415981535846313,0.0,0.4089600127646991,0.0,0.11333299511794885,0.0,0.16105120557406366,0.0,0.11586070455316515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995681731415421,0.0,0.09513847773191246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425420974826854,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jsebs7,2019/03/11,I’m just struggling The only thing keeping me alive is knowing how sad my mother would be. But I’m beginning to just feel like I’m a burden to her too,3.9472727272727286,3.7873038787878777,5.505606060606059,84.9784090909091,70.81818181818181,7.8121212121212125,28.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,1.4659212121212128,120,4,26,1,2,41,27,33,0.232,0.633,0.135,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328804426812057,0.32903470806245194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093800181404417,0.0,0.0,0.2531198487883227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250135683292294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502878672486941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814927516159351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059854120905413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271791024175846,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnitFourGaming,2019/03/11,"Having a lot of thoughts of suicide recently after losing yet another job and being too depressed and honestly sociopathic to care to even try to find a new one Was trying at first, but I applied at like 15 different places and didn't even get a call for one interview after going in and talking with all of them multiple times over like 3 weeks..... Been thinking it'll just be easier to leave. I'm not bringing anything to the world or my family or to anyone. I'm costing my parents money. I'm wasting everyone's time. There's absolutely no good coming from me being here besides the fact that if I wasn't a microscopic amount of people comparatively would be a little sad for a week and then move on, I won't ruin the world or anyone's life. My mom and dad might be devastated, but I mean they're not gonna do anything it doesn't matter nothing does hsjdjfnsjdbcnfnf",9.96955149501661,6.8563183139534924,10.389368770764117,64.34034883720932,60.62790697674418,13.316943521594686,40.269102990033225,11.491704259439757,4.5233428571428576,698,27,128,15,7,239,118,172,0.14,0.7340000000000001,0.126,-0.1117,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,7,9,0,0,9,0,16,1,0,0,2,27,28,13,1,2,9,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,2,4,7,4,0,3,5,0,9,5,21,13,3,24,0,4,0,0,7,9,0,6,13,85,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531642598705167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713748404759988,0.0,0.2437797939805235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124678006728964,0.0,0.15101791139409246,0.0,0.0,0.12759201085288985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275752852849038,0.0,0.0,0.15475356655057146,0.0,0.0,0.12962055242348985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566333703391614,0.0,0.0,0.1415347261132413,0.0,0.0,0.1396340760069574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537872739072399,0.12599054581125013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738643269603182,0.0,0.0841798420421976,0.12423578146178756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698595243984813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568373813024048,0.0,0.0,0.10462132839809067,0.14472761256091796,0.14845485733019906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657080628747723,0.0,0.12592607678525333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134578204341252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713160034751147,0.0,0.1734760088732952,0.0,0.1574278058828333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430549345414252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212485221516588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007394915978498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446940414621547,0.0,0.0,0.1026875537671414,0.0,0.15475356655057146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625033986354402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620189169901864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190530085872172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490912645771184,0.0,0.11759050101661732,0.17273958282082938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112711437132416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376253865805473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052199890084807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,autosadistic,2019/03/11,"my boyfriend only likes me out of pity and charity it's the truth. we have been together for almost 3 years and it's just obvious he was only ever with me because he felt bad for me and wanted to fix me. i dont even think he ever truly loved me. im a burden to him and even he says that he knows he shouldn't be talking to me because im fucking horrible and delusional (not his *exact* words, but that's what he meant). im a fucking psychotic, jealous bitch. i honestly need to die. just recently, he smoked weed and that in itself isnt bad, right? but it upset me so fucking much. the thought of him smoking and getting high FUCKS ME UP. and i hate myself for that. i hate myself. im horrible. he deserves so much better. i should die. i need to die. enough with the failed attempts. i want to FUCKING DIE. 4 past attempts in these past 17 years of life. can someone please help me? give me a method that will secure my suicide?",0.2324999999999981,2.5502272500000025,2.2800000000000007,92.965,89.0,5.075,21.541666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.5202041666666664,720,26,153,9,24,240,106,192,0.326,0.5589999999999999,0.116,-0.9965,0,0,2,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,0,4,8,21,9,1,6,0,10,7,0,0,5,35,29,12,5,6,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,12,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,15,0,0,5,2,25,6,18,20,3,13,0,2,0,6,18,6,6,1,8,92,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976972931189426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638157458888014,0.12147273951036867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811876845236884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136202266455961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677109062053095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029492476255027,0.0,0.13161551906330204,0.18025052552100035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566490752825317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46055323233231,0.052055002547462495,0.09557865379944648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673721741532849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678301876106023,0.10526949865585336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304901618456848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475660868868897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037491361920317,0.04867646677899563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992417922622294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648589239757562,0.14775568994451516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515533117386805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902251318823198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936894738768377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837721612091337,0.0,0.0,0.08508746336339111,0.0,0.07923348823384531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442013214556393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898415707814033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008257325458093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063841873147707,0.0,0.07909879828704501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753421903962112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283229210215931
suicidewatch,uselesstrashbin,2019/03/11,"Just reaching out for a moment Everything in my life seems to be falling apart but that’s not exactly the issue. The issue is whenever I tell anyone about how depressed I am they think it’s due to one thing, they fail to see how many things it takes to start tumbling out of control.

I’ve lost the ability to enjoy life and I want to again. I want someone to just hold me while I cry. I don’t want to die but everything around me is squeezing the life out of me. 

I feel like I walk through life in a fog. Everything is distorted. I just want clarity. I just want help. ",2.887843691148774,4.116553415254239,4.123333333333335,88.85264595103581,74.16949152542372,7.956308851224105,26.670433145009408,8.515128840125781,1.6719235404896415,445,16,98,8,9,146,71,118,0.194,0.614,0.192,-0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,3,9,5,0,0,6,0,6,4,0,3,1,25,18,6,1,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,3,16,2,19,16,0,14,0,3,1,0,4,7,0,1,6,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518211562797876,0.0,0.0,0.13391199828853198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871676721020376,0.0,0.0,0.16523708966244796,0.0,0.0,0.12956262812408734,0.0,0.156119565141172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40558249395120616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760604541430515,0.10746513977696162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008281043927276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31401358968604426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250043959476476,0.07349107549962139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420893330301414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525094540038558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193328606566784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987091110350975,0.13694316878782972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745638119886699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647306520135494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310244724478695,0.0,0.13147990287221525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987414260127204,0.0963876022645084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436289616318809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ceilli99,2019/03/11,"I'm done I made a stupid mistake at work today which put some people in an awkward position, it's all fixed now but it's sent me in a rapid downward spiral. I feel like I can never show my face anywhere again and I just want it all to go away. I've being trying so hard these past months but this just proves how useless I am. I have no family or friends to talk to, I'm so overwhelmed. It's so stupid but it has to be the end now. ",0.3392708333333303,1.9436185520833358,2.3366666666666696,97.30833333333337,82.22916666666666,5.1000000000000005,19.0,5.82211442006289,-0.4007000000000001,335,8,82,2,9,112,68,96,0.175,0.716,0.109,-0.6833,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,2,4,0,7,1,1,2,4,17,14,9,0,2,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,6,0,0,3,2,8,2,8,9,3,16,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,2,9,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534343888104129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27604287761317403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389140826007964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25429166143464105,0.0,0.13639122097866818,0.19270594413302036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840438517391316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533023492857824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416386147208764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178382421405185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552393235921555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530795501744826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804404044070912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575022079446797,0.18700727933204736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27116831664419194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168108832612435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556868021204457,0.0,0.0,0.18313920761895805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910264123501452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637763606865807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pmrox,2019/03/11,"A note to all struggling survivors It's been a while now, but once upon a time I was on the verge of committing suicide. I could've done it, but I held off because of what I called 'cowardice.'

That wasn't cowardice. Today I can look back and see that it was always hope. Not in clear form, but more of a 'what if' kind of thing. If 'cowardice' is keeping you from going through with everything, hold onto it, because it's the most valuable thing you have that can turn everything around for you.",3.246632653061223,4.943320959183676,3.5160714285714287,91.67267857142859,74.10204081632655,6.124489795918367,26.535714285714285,6.6274283507984215,0.9490163265306126,386,14,80,3,8,119,66,98,0.109,0.7909999999999999,0.099,-0.2585,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,9,0,0,0,3,17,16,7,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,2,8,3,15,10,4,13,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,4,5,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788054528135217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129740077664545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523692230506642,0.0,0.2619895448328969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942641957539416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157194735257764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199067809982515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38625802957652616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212677408090135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343396853624624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100384744681856,0.0,0.22377456439216514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804532346780025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288505274449411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171239276658554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246493819951144,0.0,0.2350544642525472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855263490258762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530391774442584,0.0,0.20369031827307935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337382968728781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sephoramoon,2019/03/11,"I'm suicidal but am too scared to seek help I have been depressive most of my life (some 40 years). Until now I have been able to get through the rough patches by myself. For the last month or so, due to life being totally shitty and coming up with all kinds of bullshit, I want to jump off the bridge near my home. Its really cold right now and I would freeze within 10 mins or so. It wouldn't be painless, but I would pass out and drown. While I could call a suicide hotline, I'm pretty sure they would just give me the usual ""life is worth living speech"" straight out of the handbook. It would be insincere and shallow. They are strangers after all (just like you guys too I suppose). Also, its an embarrassing situation. I feel bad for my husband who has to deal with my moods. He loves me and is worried. I can't bring myself to call for any help though. I've always been able to take care of myself before, and I don't know what the difference is this time. Sometimes the thought of jumping makes me feel calmer and more in control of things. If life gets too hard, there's a way out and I don't have to ever think about difficult things ever again.  I want to die because I'm sick of life even though I know it will hurt a few people to do so. Anyways, I needed to vent to the world. I know many of you know how I feel.",2.604796122994657,4.093336518382355,3.374465240641712,92.89032085561495,75.36029411764707,6.268983957219253,22.290106951871657,6.7829847944221076,0.36686911764705865,1031,27,229,9,22,326,159,272,0.212,0.6659999999999999,0.122,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,2,2,1,21,13,0,2,12,0,26,7,0,3,6,50,50,22,4,10,7,1,6,1,0,6,6,1,1,1,10,14,0,1,9,0,1,5,4,7,0,0,4,8,30,5,38,36,7,32,0,2,0,1,15,11,0,5,16,157,40,0,0.2124645997162196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495393181585759,0.08839378357405638,0.0,0.0,0.0722416067642991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886995330553922,0.06475822398094491,0.0,0.09039586280065462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695011127659197,0.0,0.10831090971698858,0.0,0.0,0.09150971987708854,0.0,0.0,0.11914855740667525,0.08481784723578778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952083650907783,0.09149772420407612,0.0,0.11025235533557047,0.11099014295927154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016543215559996,0.19218639427121192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114272819518094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100398419875904,0.10190770201594772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051866786779202,0.0,0.0,0.09516327452267197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241054262823247,0.0,0.10655965840997733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372387414679225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062459283548176,0.2335299751494548,0.08659350302054676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751750752606517,0.051899735709939394,0.0,0.09380506704066713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095878798207845,0.0,0.07091088506261574,0.10770287823734533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479360823148416,0.0,0.0,0.07876990428020456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364810082763693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807644015688674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680551315226078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072180363540076,0.0,0.0,0.10635706453251682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194095559993992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506646091254436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324017876895999,0.0,0.10012268540864076,0.0,0.07987346872045771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115203928822895,0.06806936827681223,0.2087453904794921,0.0843365798242957,0.06194490834478925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699986990743096,0.0,0.12531712568059006,0.08432225492082476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788405714445874,0.0,0.30185751146246864,0.0,0.0,0.06841011814585862
suicidewatch,miserablefr,2019/03/11,"It's either live a long, painful life or (potentially) endure a long, painful death. And even if you get through the long, painful life you're probably *more* likely to endure a long, painful death also. 


It's horrible how other humans make you endure your own sad, lonely life despite not being able to do actually anything that makes you feel like life is worth living. I don't care about those people, I *am* selfish because I aspire to die more than anything else. They just don't wanna feel burdened by guilt or ""ickiness"" if they knew you wanted to die and didn't do something. Losing a life is a gain for a person who wants to die.


It sucks. I wish it was easier for me to leave. I have no ties to anyone. I'm happy to die but any *failing* and leaving me in a worse position terrifies me.",3.2084615384615347,4.96908759235669,4.377324840764331,85.18966193042628,74.3503184713376,6.868985791278785,25.452719255267034,7.61054688173877,1.3448984811366969,620,21,121,8,13,203,98,157,0.277,0.637,0.086,-0.9813,0,2,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,5,2,3,5,16,1,1,8,0,11,9,0,3,0,21,23,10,6,6,8,0,2,2,0,0,9,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,12,0,0,3,2,15,4,16,19,4,5,0,4,0,0,10,1,1,4,6,76,23,1,0.10515707619800596,0.0,0.10261813727864673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409407584334015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151041780443812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352827270145144,0.0,0.17307062749477553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410277761761082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721464753561223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43654577172922376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784524370213583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945525706877723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634115468464464,0.07512423624723279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494023211519526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194166300066376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269232042105347,0.0,0.0,0.3713777639142881,0.10274887148251513,0.0,0.1857112496995696,0.3722428133401109,0.0,0.11764387012720115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038632984049576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475781727992633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290267612500546,0.09181910283858677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337711381795147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095505476714175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240487361349627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092544796774805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107164044466122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneNutWonder1998,2019/03/11,"Why am I not surprised anymore? I met a girl in January, we became close, I didn't want to trust her, but I guess we had a lot in common and I wanted to try a relationship. I wanted to do something nice, and I was going to surprise her with a gift. She gave me a key to her apartment, and told me I could come over whenever. So I unlocked her door, and it was oddly quiet, usually the TV was on, or music was playing, but her bedroom door was shut so I figured she was napping. Her car was in the lot, so I knew she wasn't out, and she usually texted me if she was out. I sat down on the couch and watched some TV waiting, but then I heard a sound I'm all too familiar with. Bed springs. I knocked on her door, and I quickly heard ""shh omg he is here"" I dropped her gift at the door, grabbed my keys and left. She chased me into the parking lot apologizing and I just told her to ""go continue screwing her side"". This is the 5th time this has happened to me. I'm always being cheated on. I lost my will to really trust anyone anymore, I've been messed up over a 3 year relationship that I found out I was being cheated on the entire time. I just feel like love isn't possible anymore. I'm just going to get used and cheated on. I really want to find someone who is loyal and will love me, but I'm not tall, and I'm not good looking so it will probably never happen. I'm sick of it. She was the reason I didn't end my miserable existence back in January. Now I don't really have much to stick around for. I drank myself into a coma the past 3 nights. I like being blackout drunk because it takes me away from everything, kind of like I'm dead. I wake up in the bathtub in a puddle of vomit, wash myself off, go to work, then repeat. Not really a life worth living. ",1.3877346041055745,3.0233292446236604,3.588084066471165,89.41576246334313,79.13440860215054,6.552101661779082,23.369501466275658,7.463857097105799,0.9299612903225816,1357,45,300,19,33,466,181,372,0.121,0.753,0.126,0.7843,0,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,2,0,0,2,13,21,4,1,20,0,31,11,1,2,2,57,69,24,1,6,13,0,2,3,0,3,5,4,7,1,8,24,2,1,6,5,1,6,10,7,0,0,26,8,58,14,45,36,6,57,0,2,2,3,33,32,1,7,21,205,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070586730027064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324328797435683,0.07622301121958318,0.0,0.0,0.09704288307040324,0.0,0.0,0.10241940328826367,0.08382271408321984,0.0,0.06645208105721137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390330600456756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703639650879287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655137131149708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097972038948308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055119226447373715,0.07787746525184464,0.0,0.0,0.09963405999876644,0.0,0.0,0.11952491195161676,0.0,0.0,0.05695373731852084,0.0,0.2478138063305115,0.0914332372798292,0.0,0.0,0.1200878834872334,0.0,0.1927960976111049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351815967324147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844074775607052,0.0,0.07699767837735078,0.1597717740958845,0.0,0.09625869172072686,0.0,0.09154176732897537,0.0,0.11899836099305465,0.27803170848888203,0.19677332942455286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013561260393523,0.0,0.08407598739710317,0.0,0.0,0.10229941928091923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040633144021885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289349973684185,0.0,0.0,0.11753227297584926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27934089839339826,0.1120814422697186,0.0,0.2340739906708213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236464883906996,0.08392197750724542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196268970091428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271303571148185,0.0,0.0,0.20832932418955347,0.0,0.07401129914161214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415048546417527,0.2401203850513117,0.0,0.2571899994055953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836545306634524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936129110070235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019949647630333
suicidewatch,ComfortableKitten,2019/03/11,"Facing a brick wall I try I do my best to find ways to cope and live and treat myself. I have meds, I have psychiatrist, i got myself out of toxic living conditions, I have healthy relationships. Still.

My anxieties keep getting worse. My motivation goes down, my depression worsens day after day week after week. Nothing works anymore.

I told my psychiatrist this, she told me that I'm not facing this alone and she hoped I would have more things to pull me out of my home.
Didn't get much else out of that.

I feel like I have hit a brick wall. Suicidal thoughts are now daily, I make sure if i hurt myself others don't see it. Like starving myself, hitting myself, opening old scars etc. My bf and cats are keeping me here. My sweet little cats and my wonderful loving safe boyfriend. ",2.565438741721856,5.128675721854306,3.407181291390732,87.4440169701987,79.86092715231787,6.159105960264903,22.682533112582774,7.413659706084162,0.9971221854304636,618,20,119,9,16,196,94,151,0.153,0.657,0.19,0.7461,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,3,3,11,0,0,2,0,11,3,2,2,1,23,28,6,1,3,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,3,31,9,12,20,4,19,0,2,1,1,7,8,0,3,11,77,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613034816241309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532245987534726,0.0,0.14950235468355402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820162068716792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444107799959826,0.0,0.12983976613601153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593132295450946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812481967898926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622314953872585,0.10769501065578033,0.0,0.0,0.13778172053425494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752010745520076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056762885964395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121339080112733,0.14972762538875892,0.0,0.0,0.16137976492581346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679850139550039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729654984793902,0.15108995378267745,0.2662279979722274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605672539944827,0.0,0.10062602991624416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744799171140418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081775229046592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446475901074545,0.0,0.15818556246574655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184785186583886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012731826714765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038822868185495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489477757887444,0.0,0.1420790098491678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001508394346944,0.0,0.0,0.11967775041786012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880939783536939,0.0,0.10234857572634297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965742267601992,0.2418432735830888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348070048939287,0.10974696034478576,0.0,0.1536259599726798,0.10708765992711801,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,megasrimp,2019/03/11,"I dont know what to do First English is not my main language so im sorry if u have trouble understanding.

Hello my name is Mario and I'm 23 years old I live in Germany.
I suffer from serious depression cause I had a really bad time growing up.
Last year I visited a hospital for treatment I stayed there for 6 months after that I went to a psychiatrist till now so 2 times a week speaking about what is in my mind and so on... I take a lot of pills to help me stay calm currently I live with my girlfriend and I'm trying to get a job now cause we really need money. My girlfriend works but its barely enough and I dont want to live with her money only. I tried different things but I didn't find anything where I could stay more than a week cause the work made me even more depressed.... I really want to work but it's so hard to find something that fits... now I'm just so hopeless I think I will never find something for me I'm scared that my girlfriend breaks up with me if I dont find work soon I feel like I don't belong on earth i have suicide thoughts hourly and due to the stress I make myself I have really bad time to sleep through the night",1.324511760513186,3.194597081967217,2.9588667141838947,92.74422309337135,80.22950819672131,6.210691375623664,21.264433357091946,7.255503002510835,0.4985280114041339,904,26,204,12,23,298,135,244,0.175,0.79,0.036000000000000004,-0.9853,3,0,2,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,5,14,12,0,2,10,0,15,2,1,5,1,38,32,16,1,6,7,0,2,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,8,9,0,0,9,0,2,3,7,10,0,1,5,3,35,2,28,25,5,37,0,4,0,0,10,8,0,3,23,127,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687068126036614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599138183587868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878816805384385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458242867181965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160912419059959,0.0,0.0,0.09759637494126566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284369166968437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652027537152247,0.0,0.06169819807410054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723226075360114,0.06673404150757818,0.0,0.0,0.341510010580049,0.07945678294936892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880427294256149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367941848999527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261255433752481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199267910830744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090173052363256,0.0,0.09269767699170026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133716924545763,0.07614380667454515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563671989825757,0.0,0.24745533928137206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941612512562034,0.0,0.0883893420703593,0.06235369323316945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432018384630453,0.0,0.0745611147164616,0.0,0.0,0.06926432300424623,0.07204562211423547,0.0,0.0,0.087661477815398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980209001996337,0.0,0.0,0.07104455700198811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937023435296856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352239461099644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934801474748569,0.0,0.0,0.14382729875081302,0.0,0.10456785411203656,0.0,0.2986964828087635,0.0,0.0,0.107003916147462,0.0,0.0,0.10217831693710737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023471448236443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062059237797150175,0.05985507731796207,0.0,0.07415923834620462,0.16340906514749298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684216398091208,0.0,0.0,0.09724590044949276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101944448253628,0.0,0.14986004420582874,0.0,0.0,0.08659449573751232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720221916459367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030941419346596
suicidewatch,Hedgerowwitch,2019/03/11,Help I have posted on Bipolar and on Relationships but they won't accept my post as it is a new account. My bf dumped me because I'm crazy. I need help. I need support. I don't think I will get through tonight.,-0.5146666666666668,1.6830156444444455,1.495000000000001,97.7025,92.55555555555556,3.888888888888889,23.055555555555557,5.46131890053228,0.06522222222222229,164,7,38,1,6,54,35,45,0.195,0.62,0.185,-0.122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,11,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,4,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175291505425012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502361731237429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854855317378867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264383503637797,0.0,0.2777234350159329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507984360653624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30872759402525723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326315209655934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425431250373628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abashedclover,2019/03/11,"Too many depressed friends to be depressed For starters I'm on mobile so sorry.

So I'm sure theres a lot of people out there who have a lot of depressive thoughts, acts upon themselves or attempts even. I've tried all through high school to make friends with people who needed them most. Try to help them find a reason they are here. I've succeeded with some who have moved on to be happy, some I still am talking to and encouraging every step of the way to their goals in life, I've lost 6 and I'll never forget them despite their wishes to be forgotten. But despite all of it I'm really depressed myself, I used to cut when I was failing classes, I've been taking antidepressants for years now and none of them know. I'm scared if they find out they will stop their journey through life to help me and wont be able to get back on to where they wanna go, or they will lose that rock, I try to be the happiest guy around them and point out the silver linings in everything and I just feel like if they see that I'm as down as they are it might be all for nothing. I dunno if I'm just overthinking it or if I'm right just kind of venting my brain here. Turned into word barf and I'm sorry about that. Thanks for listening everyone I appreciate it!",4.235749599450674,4.846312840466928,4.8607461661707525,87.13961547264822,70.40077821011673,7.914763103685052,27.17990386816205,7.928766900206844,1.4232153353170056,988,31,212,12,17,317,140,257,0.125,0.735,0.14,0.7928,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,15,6,18,18,1,1,6,0,17,3,1,3,5,51,40,20,0,7,11,0,1,1,2,4,2,1,0,1,10,14,0,1,6,1,0,5,3,9,0,0,4,3,25,9,42,26,9,30,0,7,1,0,26,16,0,14,9,141,35,5,0.11844556161616525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544166175571874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107732567464064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222441906274754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080679546400861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823217636078063,0.0,0.09979549417680274,0.11317980999727675,0.1064512333667074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988963484405569,0.08461753288513071,0.0,0.0,0.21651419498980196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302149417545996,0.0,0.061882917284173965,0.0,0.0673153422455053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727972798467334,0.0,0.12608750282667666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878312645206408,0.1251442389600688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233428255291412,0.06509458304520241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732320604181122,0.057866518489244886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251028624719194,0.12929732230040644,0.20139636166539454,0.0,0.0,0.07906333212364955,0.1200852087127808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565202307785847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258888871120676,0.0,0.08782588312012485,0.09135251905564172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365171086517273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423047747520794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196934071616473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587925974325882,0.12178176442184795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011518624446516,0.0,0.0,0.1185846701730706,0.11987323186229701,0.09438577740952524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651802178966791,0.0,0.0,0.09459077850903888,0.09902579315228004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163354007759214,0.0,0.08905632160333572,0.09520205578894182,0.0,0.10904875947308924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403254542561493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412502840995434,0.12883475853915866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022989355669504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401657362382793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362065503918783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627505829053051
suicidewatch,ikesmith,2019/03/11,"It's been a few years. About 4 years ago I ended up stuck living in an apartment with an emotionally abusive woman. A lot happened, much of it I've forgotten, some of it I'll never be able to. It got rough, from February until July 2015 I lived with her. Everything thing started normal, there were no issues for maybe the first month. Until working two crap jobs and never seeing my friends began to take a toll on me. On top of that this woman would get her friends to gang up on me along with her if we ever got into an argument. I started doing stupid things just to lash out. I became hungry for any kind of social interaction with my friends, only to have it never be enough. I attempted suicide 3 separate times while I lived there, and kept quiet about it. I was scared. 

After I got out of that situation things improved. I got a better job, I blocked all possible contact with my roommate and her friends. It helped. Tons of other things happened since then that left me in a state of emotional burnout. But I swore I'd never think to resort to suicide as an option ever again.

Sadly, today is the second time in the last 3 months that the thought has come to mind. I'm thinking about it right now as I type this.  I'm not sure what I'm really expecting posting in this sub. But I'm once again terrified. Not at the thought that I might actually kill myself, but at the fact that it sounds like it would be such a nice thing to do. Like I'm going on some kind of vacation resort. It makes me feel at ease. And I really dont like it.

I guess I'm asking for advice. Idk. I've shut out all my friends because I wanted to be alone, yet here I am asking strangers on the internet for help.
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suicidewatch,emd74,2019/03/11,"I'm done I'm so tired of this struggle. I lost my partner in September, he ended it as he couldn't cope anymore. I have 2 beautiful kids who deserve a good present mum, not one who hides in corners and cries or is grumpy and short with them. My son is staying with his dad as I'm just not dealing well. Last week I got as far as writing notes to the kids. Today I want to buy a rope. I know the place. I know the way to do it,  I just need the strength to leave this pain behind. ",0.8659047619047621,2.2146226380952427,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,79.76190476190476,5.428571428571429,23.095238095238088,5.82211442006289,0.061380952380952085,367,12,92,2,9,120,71,105,0.163,0.72,0.117,-0.6264,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,0,1,6,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,15,8,0,3,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,11,3,14,11,0,13,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,1,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784819964636407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24129118429787835,0.0,0.22646449695430515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247930919590111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455758396941333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424419558241312,0.17568580065711675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241443774681127,0.17905591964168194,0.0,0.2325930325008799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397897958013975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287847423879664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885037835273038,0.0,0.2337385597665663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295026927599705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341331740507726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964107316801785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524720766123647,0.20821630073828706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956383794905524,0.17435948858110173,0.17620164531246207,0.0,0.1975048035513723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VioletHerald,2019/03/11,"Anybody not open up to family anymore because even if they encourage you, they don't get the point? I don't open up to my mother anymore. I would love to, but she just doesn't get it on the level my very good friend has. It's annoying. ",2.152799999999999,3.470065280000004,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,76.2,7.4,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.2509999999999994,184,6,41,3,4,62,36,50,0.063,0.693,0.244,0.8809,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,6,7,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,0,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6003171045086341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844994394773833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990484771796327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853220140630723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338352684548424,0.0,0.31625593794007745,0.0,0.0,0.2538578289701343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731635217840084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861126335246225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497271617404428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21500181074781624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eikuyuriki,2019/03/11,"I bought a knife Essentially, I've been having suicidal thoughts for over two months, and have fantasised about cutting my wrists or jumping off the balcony.
I have anxiety and depression, and I am having a bad mental day. I bought a knife to cut myself, idk if I want it to be  fatal. I want pain to escape and I'm afraid I'll just cut fatally. I want to want to die but I'm still a little scared. I just want it to stop",1.0143434343434343,3.0890324545454533,3.107424242424244,90.19919191919195,82.4090909090909,6.638383838383841,21.141414141414145,7.793537801064563,0.8775717171717177,328,10,72,6,9,111,54,88,0.335,0.5820000000000001,0.083,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,3,2,5,0,7,2,1,0,0,16,17,7,4,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,10,0,1,4,0,10,0,10,12,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644479062614526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166659478773647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031830638952394,0.0,0.18739760418582585,0.0,0.2258091928018668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806797869430192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926509918113452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736668225475248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151585116766424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178312002293825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375620966170022,0.181903000991154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799246702790566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273077709615425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125398128297987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6416588314157876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mahrukh26,2019/03/11,"Just wanted someone to know Hi. I hope whoever is reading this is having a better time than I am.

I  see a therapist for my major depression but can't afford to join university clubs etc as a graduate. I graduated in July but barely have any friends.  I had to cut out some toxic people and as a result lost some mutual friends too. Some of the connections were lost because of my own flakiness.

I barely have three close friends in Brisbane.  And my family here doesn't talk to me. I can't keep doing this; I am so lonely and sad. When I  call the suicide call back service they just tell me to do what my therapist has advised or spend time discussing my accent etc when conversations are timed at thirty minutes. If I don't go to workI can go an entire day without talking to someone. One of my close friends is leaving for a vacation and the others are pretty busy too.

Today after some chores I am planning to harm myself, not kill  myself if the self harm helps. I know loneliness is  a stupid reason but I don't see worth in my existence if it is of no help to others.",3.8553971962616806,5.2042315841121525,5.3963434579439244,80.19582359813086,71.94392523364486,8.153738317757009,27.860981308411212,8.660442795831766,2.151580373831776,845,31,160,15,16,286,126,214,0.202,0.6579999999999999,0.14,-0.9494,1,2,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,4,9,16,3,0,11,0,24,0,0,2,0,29,35,16,2,5,11,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,3,2,2,2,8,10,0,2,4,2,25,6,25,31,8,18,0,5,2,0,17,7,0,9,9,122,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647538496757272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778070616149817,0.0,0.07751754978041211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246557948109914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259695835013908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200978990949041,0.0,0.1095255390708508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28364132275533577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987821475898255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929841112625447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453963489841806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046972027348722,0.0,0.0,0.1263018208714557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302855815985105,0.14068731867455028,0.0,0.1397712163878442,0.0,0.0,0.13464754317613215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27762746404058714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616912351386556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815900083700619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129370762737662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12719768329477274,0.0,0.0,0.1307450217115578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266532637716853,0.0,0.13265902504420354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549005389819614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909597915769198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441804091445853,0.11114630389614072,0.0,0.0,0.2952927177284875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244977800842095,0.0,0.12053591219903355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500419198603812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258085551586102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnwilks97,2019/03/11,I've lost my will to live Recently moved to GA from Florida for work witch I hate my job. My girlfriend dumped my on Valentine's day. I have severe anxiety and social problems. So basically I lost the only person I truly cared about and have no friends and I'm not close to my family at all in terms as family go. I love over 300 miles from anyone I new. I feel like people dont like my and that I'm just a flee on mother earth that just needs to die already. I have attempted in the past when I lived with my mom but she caught me a prevented it from being completed but now that I'm alone with another I know anywhere close it sounds very tempting to revisit it,1.323854059609456,3.4272525107913694,3.308042137718396,89.02944244604319,81.44604316546763,7.136896197327852,21.439362795477905,8.192908349453996,1.1509564234326826,525,16,113,11,14,177,92,139,0.152,0.752,0.096,-0.6858,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,6,11,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,19,19,9,1,2,5,2,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,3,2,19,5,19,14,2,20,0,2,0,1,8,9,0,0,9,68,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635744193747393,0.1772519597605897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842768144308012,0.12287649165326267,0.0,0.0,0.11231164365383588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376630166988265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841062043856156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103588830500556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670177114086324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824947495782732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30284296748187234,0.0,0.08121603725938939,0.11474941734894363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409727099629005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128600229697574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858239263797633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939397920610374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827444174187189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569449983767975,0.0,0.28366687986068884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506789170724543,0.0,0.14496892540261744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881202311657889,0.0,0.170717296454706,0.0,0.11910024521598507,0.0,0.15513111887993442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216136379011586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533332480254064,0.11135606864597264,0.1402501919294876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369493903404266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859626885525135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814587671109388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373536889207635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325311595227684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693577704944365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pleaseithurts,2019/03/11,Further depressed than ever I though I could beat it. I really thought I could. Even though I lost everyone who cared. Who I could talk to. I don’t even care that a few people would miss me. I just want this hurting to stop. I just want death. I wish it could be easy. Like a switch. But it won’t be. There’ll be pain. So much. But if it’ll stop this hurting. It’ll be worth it. I just want to stop,-2.126206896551725,-0.4239574137931044,-0.17167816091953725,106.62386206896556,105.89655172413794,3.2395402298850566,12.696551724137931,5.2151,-1.53524,303,6,79,2,15,97,48,87,0.28,0.515,0.205,-0.8537,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,1,20,22,6,1,10,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,12,3,4,8,2,5,0,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090303521163902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840009056431818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052966687527956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019449806211645,0.13708551901373342,0.0,0.1448123796830062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244745055087548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403960341159661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543456760894895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140657997788743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125972933621815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506558661051582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970867169000428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801073907985139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218100317525069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977939234889124,0.12031365551030095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681640906013854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742748524770963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765666785087542,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pvineappless,2019/03/11,"I go to therapy, but it's not working I'm doing everything right that EVERYONE tells me to do to combat depression. I'm a 21 year old lesbian, living with my mom and step dad on an island. Its expensive, (I grew up in little apartments so I am thankful I am here) they are letting me save money. I work as a landscaper after being unable to hold down several retail jobs, and I go to therapy. I have hobbies such as a regular weekly high intensity boxing class I go to. I run a couple of miles on a treadmill at least 1-3 times a week. I'm in shape and I'm pretty toned. Used to be 180-200 lbs back in middle school but now I'm 118lbs. Things are ""better"" now but I am now TRAPPED. 

Previously my family had kicked me out on and off over being a lesbian, but a permanent time when they saw I had been dating a woman (the stress ended up making me settle and rush into wanting a relationship with her to avoid homelessness, it was broken) when that failed...

I was homeless. In the ghetto. Got sexually assaulted in a homeless shelter while my group of internet aquaintences laughed and talked shit about me for months until I blocked them all. I'd have done it sooner but I was attatched to them all and was afraid of isolation... isolation did turn out to be worse as I now have NO friends. I try to make them, but it never works. I have maybe 5 people online who I talk to but its usually small and I am by no means close to them. I cannot feel close to anybody despite wanting to. I want to SO bad, but that ability is broken despite me trying.

There's a lot of other abuse I've recieved from various people in my life, I've seen deaths and I've seen people doing hard drugs. Lots of traumatizing things I have been through, including having my best female friend and closest human being I've ever been to beat me and mentally/verbally/emotionally abuse me on and off for years and then she badmouthed and laughed about me when she found out what happened to me (homelessness) 

...I'll stop there for now, because I could write a litteral book on how much shit I've been through and survived. Things CAN get better if you make things better (I've been kicking and screaming to stay alive) but for some, like me, if it gets better there's going to be some pain still.

Present day, I take a low dose medication for PTSD, as I have repetetive night terrors of traumatic events in my life. I go to therapy. It's not the best but my health insurance can cover it, and the therapist I have has a good heart and cares so that's good enough for now. I am doing all sorts of stuff (mentioned above) but I CANNOT for the life of me find a girlfriend, and I plan on commiting suicide at age 30 if I am not married or at least in a relationship by my mid twenties (which will be approaching soon because I'm almost 22) 

That whole ""love yourself before u can love others!"" Is such bullshit. That says I'm not worthy of love, and I love myself enough to know that I deserve a loving girlfriend. People get mad at me and tell me to work on myself. But they fail to listen to me when I say I have lost a LOT of weight, take care of my body and hygyine, constantly try to focus on things I enjoy and when depression kicks my ass and makes me unable to enjoy things? I take up a new hobby and FORCE myself to do so. It is NOT easy.

I'm trapped on this island, when I get matches on tinder they don't want to travel to see me. I cannot travel to see them as it costs $400-$800 to get my car off island... my solution for that is a motorcycle, which I am working on and the redditers over at /motorcycles have been so kind in helping guide me in the right direction alongside my own research and planning.

I cannot afford to live on my own in a dingy luttle studio apartment in any state in this country, even if I continue to do landscaping. I can't live with other people, because I've been abused by drug addict roomates in the past  (low income housing programs chose roomates for me)
I want a girlfriend but there are no other lesbians in my area, its depressing and I cry about it daily. I see no other purpose in life because the one goal I have is looking forward to my wedding day and having a beautiful wife. I may never have that. Something seems deeply sad and wrong to my core with having to wait for love. Love doesn't just happen and I'm doing all I can to get it. It's hurting.",3.8813265306122453,4.945239581632657,5.028049886621319,83.94948979591838,71.55102040816327,7.77687074829932,27.49206349206349,8.11559375814309,1.7143260770975064,3429,119,689,48,63,1133,385,882,0.173,0.68,0.147,-0.9679,3,5,3,0,3,1,102.0,0,1,9,19,34,49,4,4,34,0,74,27,5,6,8,106,136,69,2,10,24,3,3,1,5,2,11,4,1,2,42,41,1,5,6,3,4,14,18,22,0,1,21,14,101,27,125,104,20,123,0,10,7,11,45,64,3,14,46,490,143,14,0.0,0.1972457819986308,0.0,0.0604941471667721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055566924807259874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037736260940169374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266969431830785,0.046333254125565736,0.13530890840454193,0.0,0.04721935210670073,0.0,0.1164702374914958,0.1963116073170453,0.0,0.061638772338073675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315497909903285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996681716799749,0.0,0.04430560945461779,0.0614005139144192,0.06095503006974625,0.07157511545819639,0.0,0.14338476747597712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056787278489698376,0.0,0.0,0.12870551608988298,0.0,0.0,0.06242069691018121,0.049149178059121695,0.11467552615857995,0.0,0.036651746485129,0.050195422334880634,0.0,0.0530247002732606,0.0498723645420892,0.0,0.05231263896521518,0.0,0.028058272382304645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071841123658356,0.0,0.0,0.060843788132829216,0.08574550418887944,0.0,0.17395274693113133,0.0,0.15768606814438718,0.0930876154019602,0.0443817841627468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814225941981676,0.0,0.04970966621804431,0.0,0.0,0.05898508539341084,0.0,0.06575793525210373,0.03719491881447104,0.05863003093875677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402997481791597,0.05940501578172465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506695272979743,0.0,0.0,0.05778606939433061,0.03049678874233645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056744026008323935,0.1567817236897914,0.027110443097785118,0.05561726461211575,0.1470005712458508,0.0,0.04659905458808068,0.0,0.060575748989852414,0.14153118449778745,0.3505839995674589,0.0,0.14816457064427466,0.0,0.05574887426801838,0.060446732530938824,0.0,0.05590205276198042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499121189345633,0.04429294792295619,0.0,0.04079278667146812,0.0,0.08559724463664113,0.05359423256028987,0.0,0.05207520416630202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058229207602567085,0.0,0.03760261409792238,0.0,0.059047084461409015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297310954263462,0.1923547990597199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645501159119251,0.0,0.0,0.0648668312630462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915464369090173,0.0,0.09477922234255012,0.0,0.08825845901903451,0.0,0.05616056600941731,0.13265910829818112,0.05051756230009136,0.0,0.06268982931899063,0.11392287141053735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272022405844434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914677200544316,0.04431574570744419,0.04639354847254022,0.06356555831407808,0.0,0.0635247236758384,0.060698916427967625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516856391355316,0.08920425778640796,0.09700438865771856,0.051089304588606166,0.19037879563445487,0.06443014422030366,0.22119733040530715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471531655824242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130256713235784,0.06035903803409073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047927014516473035,0.061116271059665724,0.0,0.1636522208865016,0.0,0.08902419389761622,0.06757394471755652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195450469064374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199310348095195,0.0,0.0565507861586919,0.0,0.06067146601083592,0.0,0.07146967474637353
suicidewatch,baraka102,2019/03/11,"Recurring urges I’ve been feeling useless for quite some time now. I haven’t done anything with my life. I always do something wrong, but it’s never something I can fix. I’m just ultimately a fuck up. No one I know genuinely likes me. Everyone around me only acts through pity. I have a razor blade in my dresser that I think about using everyday. I tried to help change a friends tire and while I was out there on the highway I couldn’t help but think how easy it would be for me to just walk forward a few steps and be gone. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that my sister was present. No one knows I have these urges, and I want to get help so that when I do it my family can at least know they tried to help. I owe them that. I can’t show anyone affection so all I do is push everyone away. And when I do open up and become vulnerable I’m always hurt because of it. Those few instances of vulnerability have only ever happened when I’m drunk. I try to open up. I have one friend that cares about me deeply and was there for me last night when I wasn’t in the best place. But he has no idea about my suicidal tendencies. I tried to open up to another friend last night and she blew me off. Made jokes and laughed. It’s just that everything I do is pointless now. I don’t know where to go with my life and I don’t know what to do anymore. There’s no point in my life, because I know I’ll never amount to anything. I try to picture myself 5 years down the road but I can’t even do that. I honestly can’t even see myself alive for five more years because I know that I’ll act on my urges. It’s just a matter of when now.",1.4729701589662554,3.160591806916429,2.887875801803478,94.29487403551175,79.05763688760806,6.206525983080785,21.568188156549226,7.1029339738359605,0.36094169378079455,1275,36,299,15,31,415,160,347,0.115,0.705,0.179,0.9795,1,0,2,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,2,2,27,14,1,0,10,0,33,6,0,4,5,50,57,22,1,3,8,1,1,1,3,1,4,0,1,0,19,16,1,1,11,3,1,8,14,5,0,4,9,2,48,9,39,44,8,53,0,3,1,1,12,23,1,1,25,202,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864375628877966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996141549798017,0.0,0.0,0.09454136435572114,0.06665668481778791,0.0,0.15689630456813794,0.08486357029373587,0.0,0.0,0.08956531334802119,0.0,0.0,0.17433614934561711,0.10528407244690367,0.0,0.0,0.1000425518026736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719489804485036,0.0,0.10084609466208824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755529605498256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592862607203692,0.08623109641312507,0.0,0.18218306884782454,0.08567611298273661,0.0,0.08986827890677615,0.0,0.048201518752895064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209542771462628,0.08813069491106006,0.04980579036295503,0.0,0.05417801828401569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429966559272578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555897315871555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205232678633057,0.10761553417322688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667346514091568,0.15541272286273414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200238342126234,0.04657323564230968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020318869737028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704815522253153,0.0,0.0,0.1789207757328551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937934471413104,0.21750740862185136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959916002088304,0.0,0.09011730143843404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013947821669322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596536248147405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677879329303506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969982849417379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104275128511771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333276169173499,0.12216673882491486,0.0,0.0,0.05558746636605009,0.1095673713319737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236127621372419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233418143174707,0.0,0.0,0.05622787808552671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771942486525219,0.10422797123215946,0.0,0.12277829584843715
suicidewatch,iJustDontKnow973,2019/03/11,"how to help someone far away okay so this post is not about me and I'd love to get help quickly because idk how much time they have left. quick overview of the problem at hand. I was talking to this person who is really far away for a while now. and they just told me that the want to do it indirectly. no I have two problems:
1) how can I help them if talking them out of it doesn't work?  I don't have any of there relatives or friend's contacts. and I don't know where exactly do they'd live.

2)how do you deal with knowing that someone you love is going to commit suicide and.... well... be able to do nothing about it? ",0.9024310041103902,2.8524302824427497,2.3919083969465653,95.86188490898418,82.05343511450381,5.252143276570758,22.290663534938346,6.297961479604792,0.2140600117439813,481,16,111,4,13,156,84,131,0.094,0.7290000000000001,0.177,0.8992,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,2,5,1,13,7,0,0,3,1,17,3,1,3,2,21,25,11,1,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,2,1,14,5,17,21,1,15,0,0,0,2,20,8,0,3,5,80,22,1,0.16701458963426985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357564812561695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383140949098753,0.0,0.0,0.10181054366767517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218470832691107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903505765383438,0.0,0.087258229810928,0.0,0.09491824014188403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358390767461891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357370130827466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146184031572812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747694249618734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014743756597255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227749403261686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025500316247349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458306976156131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599538097729128,0.0,0.0,0.31962081293396266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106993822772697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28302183962857624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268685349508665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684800014956231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738755031149446,0.0,0.0,0.15958959764854547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314898590364962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850953216509972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016617372708416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215886103879107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Poorly_Worded_Advice,2019/03/11,"Can anybody relate? I feel so lost in my life right now. I haven't been able to feel happiness or a real connection with anyone in years. Nothing really interests me anymore, and I can't care about anything no matter how hard I try.

I feel like I'm at war with myself constantly. I'm cheerful and ambitious at heart, but it feels like my personality, my spark has just kind of drained away.

I haven't felt alive in years. It seems so hopeless to think that I might ever be able to get back to my normal self. I wonder if this is just who I am now. 

I'm really only living for other people at this point. I bought a pistol on my twenty first birthday earlier this year, and I think I'll use it on myself as soon as my dad dies so he doesn't have to suffer losing me.

This is kind of a cry for help. Please get back to me if you can relate to what I'm saying, and have gotten past it. Depression has just about consumed me whole at this point.",3.1546482958665685,4.004214852791884,4.692781000725166,86.48041878172592,73.06091370558376,7.659028281363307,22.700870195794053,7.957251820313856,0.9399763596809284,734,17,159,10,14,247,114,197,0.16699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.113,-0.9241,0,0,0,1,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,4,15,14,1,0,3,0,16,2,1,2,1,29,36,14,2,3,7,1,6,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,13,6,0,0,9,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,5,7,24,8,27,29,1,25,0,5,0,0,8,13,0,6,14,107,37,1,0.2522580049539185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250860785831587,0.0881923311772695,0.0,0.10379342215104004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850234973997224,0.1939708348521821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859692408262274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630064352856044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854678665925615,0.0,0.0,0.1086347250147672,0.0,0.13090199136971026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409090376207764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550984536193597,0.18021316914261204,0.121103622046776,0.0,0.0,0.10728526507387076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179439602322418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342666684959941,0.112986811958485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946347522266626,0.08454161167503997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626878936518462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908864452722598,0.12324051917648,0.0,0.11137421997760136,0.0,0.0,0.1411060912223632,0.13768470563329624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380293962706996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357964270452218,0.12102417959465052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959267899742542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040440465836945,0.087441969195052,0.11013097994046256,0.0,0.138451768891117,0.2384653516743545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356241797155936,0.16160293740886195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771347895816204,0.0,0.10030284521714927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482310678098195,0.1315800572967883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163674384266252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563331335668943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893496152542384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081852693917038,0.0,0.0,0.13678152288323478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436688268801339
suicidewatch,lexisdanite,2019/03/11,Is life a dream or a nightmare. Imagine being so sick of having to force yourself to take so many different pills to just feel happy like everyone else. Having to go through so much sickening pain with side effects and the pills never truly working. Then when you wanna disappear forever being forced to go to a hospital in which people force a better outcome down your throat. Just to get your hopes up then to have them crash down. A person can be use to feeling nothing but emotional numb with only a overwhelming pain of sadness and hatred. Is that person making life beneficial to anyone. No they aren't. Many times this person dreams of helping others but it seems that the person only causing the others pain in some sort of way. They are hated by others. But they are hated by themself in a way nobody should ever have that exact pain. This person cries themselves to sleep almost everyday hating themselves and wishing they could make up things that were not even controllable to them at all. They use toxic ways to hide the pain such as drinking until they cannot think anymore. Or taking as much sleeping pills as needed to sleep because sleep brings good dreams. Dreams that are worth seeing. Sometimes they wish they never woke up and can dream forever. Some people aren't worth having a life. If there was any way to trade there life for someone who was no longer alive they would in a heartbeat. Life is so overrated sometimes. Toxic people like them shouldn't exist. ,5.669780219780217,7.63952279120879,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,68.34065934065934,7.104761904761905,26.553113553113555,7.62386473244151,1.6301750915750919,1194,37,196,13,21,364,149,273,0.209,0.637,0.155,-0.9764,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,12,4,12,18,3,2,13,0,26,21,5,7,5,45,49,21,0,10,9,0,2,2,0,3,15,0,0,5,14,6,1,1,6,6,3,4,9,12,0,0,4,3,15,6,40,38,5,28,0,2,1,0,22,11,0,9,11,142,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085944163460608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054912756096972826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008228295878074,0.05646226422740775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922443890735998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714167960936648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295247406600009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056796997228862,0.0644722891217701,0.0,0.08870006237265002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436654336019815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791042395154291,0.0,0.0,0.06745624749230797,0.0908328599451449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333460086194052,0.07304298081439625,0.0,0.07716006728481083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165923329154337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04218853222621717,0.0,0.09178415014282552,0.06772925288386705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595985628633088,0.0,0.2391716654740845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054125010110145436,0.0,0.0,0.08020295124119492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28518049811196594,0.07890072372935276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780247866768697,0.16373561299337158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872105445516982,0.05987508771272738,0.12455872681072501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748178458332447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122827998528048,0.4296183652651192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794560830913965,0.35253884357149284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643472801007828,0.07351174992129719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232331905770662,0.0,0.068419196835449,0.0,0.15972759190937286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142787246623715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05364669927202749,0.05174132726664134,0.0,0.0,0.047085963279927485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394841138485803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563823051788647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857169859734202,0.0,0.0,0.05878694787650745,0.0,0.0,0.05736246965360025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ttaurusscorpioo,2019/03/11,"Stupid Relapse Just last week I was making fun of myself and joking about my previous suicide attempts and self harm (almost 5 years). Here I am, living through the worst week of my life where my only thoughts are ways I could kill my self. I have no friends, my boyfriend is gone and I live hours from my family. I broke my foot yesterday and am stuck on bed rest for two weeks, i’m going to fail all my college courses. I’d like to think venting on the internet will help but it won’t. Bon voyage. ",3.1162623762376214,4.618240564356436,3.7040470297029735,90.99290222772278,74.04950495049505,6.6341584158415845,25.496287128712872,7.1686216300943375,0.9844148514851484,391,13,83,4,8,123,77,101,0.187,0.726,0.087,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,1,12,16,5,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,4,0,15,4,10,9,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,8,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631715517580164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653108817215433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848198095721876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146882349404645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142052728791353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140911925537838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930711351336831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690182406310585,0.0,0.0,0.15980805571219145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847690008534147,0.09578080995076528,0.0,0.3462339518973795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086583029212287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910592232338638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090487299297159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144484085942339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562181940247144,0.0,0.1556429105765449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151372811695908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561647400922632,0.4717818166585565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625067228585188
suicidewatch,darkLordSantaClaus,2019/03/11,"I only see positives in killing myself. My mom has stated its stressful being around me. I find it stressful being me. And if I die than the government wont have to waste money on me. I'd rather die now than wake up one day at 80 and say to myself, ""I wish I died 60 years ago."" And honestly, this is the best case scenario for me. Nothing I can do will change that. ",1.2584415584415574,2.96708133766234,3.105194805194806,92.39207792207796,79.77922077922078,5.9584415584415575,21.38961038961039,6.868970318607317,0.3901740259740261,281,8,63,3,7,94,59,77,0.231,0.608,0.161,-0.8302,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,2,2,0,9,1,1,0,0,8,11,4,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,13,2,10,7,1,10,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,4,46,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688805252804251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695992163353648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999342983944194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015401728441615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228667580649429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5931751353342672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412774601762754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077721044608028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312949010119446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280479249807866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290982559903023,0.14489564808440494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150559886710727,0.0,0.0,0.15181621396432005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364697995744264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190834611438875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268575719129007
suicidewatch,RVDKaneanite,2019/03/11,"I have intrusive thoughts, and they're making me question my sanity. Every day I wake up, and I have about 5 minutes of half-awake bliss before my brain starts trying to tell me that I'm gay, or that I'm attracted to minors, when I am neither.

What the fuck can I do? I don't want to die, but after 17 years of life, why now, why now is my brain trying to turn me into a monster? I know who I am, I know I'm straight, and I know I'm normal, but if I go into adulthood with these thoughts, quite frankly I don't want to live.

I just want help to be myself again.",1.830894308943087,2.5420460731707317,3.6505691056910585,93.23162601626015,76.07317073170732,6.442276422764228,22.609756097560968,6.42735559955562,0.2770585365853657,429,11,104,3,9,145,75,123,0.035,0.84,0.126,0.8699,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,2,0,10,6,3,1,0,22,27,8,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,20,1,14,24,1,13,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,3,8,64,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297179561073826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40136755762765614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593735877553984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657381260011868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146473716394326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619530076351444,0.0,0.0,0.10216794560135924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049664522690162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963921565718312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126977503511588,0.0,0.0,0.15874099873620118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999847205724612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613731355715878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138455111297807,0.19120848116641312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724276868100867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712769079891084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854360288554588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441052819955061,0.19553911727860088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181006045333791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244305523327272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115766565930039
suicidewatch,thehalflifeoflove,2019/03/11,"I've tried to kill myself so many times that at this point, no one cares or takes me seriously. I may be young at age 20, but I've tried to kill myself seriously somewhere between 7 to 10 times. I've been under lock and key from my own family and ex-boyfriend, Police have been called, I've spent time in a psych unit, in outpatient treatment, and in years of therapy. I've sent suicide notes and I've told people detailed plans.

Every single time, I either failed and was caught + punished, or I chickened out. This attempt will probably be the same. Everyone has stopped caring about my depression because it's been so public for so long. 

I don't even know if I want to die. But I don't want to go to work, I don't want to think, or be conscious, I just want to exist in ignorance of the things I've done and the way I feel. ",4.163604465709728,4.543076216374272,5.101967038809146,86.17215311004787,70.46198830409357,8.323444976076557,27.24136097820309,8.296473431620573,1.5632643274853804,647,20,141,9,11,212,107,171,0.242,0.693,0.065,-0.9899,0,1,0,0,0,4,22.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,3,0,4,0,15,0,0,0,0,27,30,15,4,5,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,4,0,1,3,4,8,0,1,9,1,14,2,22,16,4,22,0,2,0,0,4,9,0,5,9,83,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414176280277202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769476570146282,0.0,0.31491227969839114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330141026033725,0.0,0.16027850126807572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580399861274083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200244949413914,0.0,0.1301176233110026,0.14756866535022073,0.0,0.0,0.14558698631508654,0.0,0.07808666123809559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776861538291646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417175135575369,0.0,0.08487309478378481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666956386642526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657221883014422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464873063899324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706535190078982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599040385406306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650637855324635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291140542741731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689261427093206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611543189832615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766091691732215,0.0,0.10259933785174594,0.09895531298597372,0.0,0.0,0.3602077085962425,0.0,0.0,0.14756866535022073,0.0,0.2097016092698736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643575872129758,0.12258282012315512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243006575056368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945067544922284
suicidewatch,kkapoo01,2019/03/11,"Male (30) dating suicidal female (30) I have been dating this girl for the past 6 months. I was aware that she has been struggling with depression for the past four years and she had a near suicidal moment a few months before we started dating. FYI she has been going to a counselor for help with her mental health. 

I have asked her a few times in the past six months whether she has experienced any suicidal thoughts since then, she said no. Two days ago she told me that she has been having suicidal thoughts and had been lying to me. She apologized for lying and I am okay with the apology, her reason was she didn’t feel safe sharing those thoughts with me.

My girlfriend’s mom does not think this is a good relationship, since she was aware that my girlfriend had not fully disclosed to me the extent of her depression. I am struggling with the decision to whether continue with the relationship since I do like her a lot.Any advice would be appreciated.",5.464466638334045,6.957932055248622,5.2908287292817695,81.92849128771783,68.22651933701657,8.663153421164472,28.840203994900133,9.057496981413335,2.282827964300893,766,27,144,14,13,237,95,181,0.191,0.6890000000000001,0.12,-0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,2,13,1,25,1,0,1,0,23,35,6,4,1,4,1,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,2,6,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,4,0,3,17,3,28,5,17,16,3,20,0,2,0,0,30,2,0,0,18,103,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250637555861437,0.10205822233312424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658841492216574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763356488645624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796947704706416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425108899395154,0.0,0.1983273108646058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007534317384646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821456986379085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543258619391817,0.0965678751783861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223807128168716,0.0,0.0,0.07717104497383888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624803844835676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788173360057713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602671676617053,0.0,0.0,0.1348420670294058,0.2756935505010296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297216675731749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183756262921187,0.0,0.2472189390432224,0.0,0.0,0.10951759554444013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857169629313723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149154199262007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407234639812617,0.0,0.5037460985346789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377240734688824,0.0,0.27420759198498623,0.06713482330104355,0.0,0.0,0.11001426162328656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246795206731064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178699119759958,0.0,0.0,0.07414170617805209
suicidewatch,Sparkt666,2019/03/11,Does anyone else feel this? I do not consider myself to be ill nor do I have any sort of illness... but I regularly consider killing myself just because I’m tired of... just being alive... and going about my daily life... yes I consider my girlfriend of 11 years finding my lifeless state but then what? Literally there is nothing... sure there’s a funeral ect ect... then everyone forgets I don’t think I have an alcohol problem but when I drink... maybe a few more than I should the thoughts get even stronger when really I have no reason to complain... please please anyone can contribute or contact would be good ,4.101578947368424,6.3610879298245635,4.796350877192981,80.97978947368422,73.21052631578947,8.068771929824562,30.69824561403509,8.841846274778883,2.7645887719298248,480,22,86,10,10,154,82,114,0.171,0.6779999999999999,0.151,-0.5539999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,4,1,13,6,0,1,1,19,19,10,2,3,7,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,14,2,7,13,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,59,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890664158306607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329318121010513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27336566701635434,0.20029041529603145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916163617898573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710642037350081,0.0,0.0,0.19149411996534746,0.0,0.0,0.16329687041848956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911144229846602,0.0,0.0,0.1867877028043469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988396014676248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866344318677785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212923985841987,0.0,0.11109470975281614,0.1639577569591181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162675565776204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807196390928886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638402677973668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756651025302332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291525084696841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704614303204528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522827718370175,0.2009840449490457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423579706939028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525447424131994,0.0,0.1551877773016108,0.0,0.22467332143257615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388620346095687,0.0,0.0,0.1258814882239037
suicidewatch,SearedPotato,2019/03/11,"Looking for logical arguments for and against my suicide There was a time when I was completely detached from real life. I was so stressed and stuck in an impossible situation that I pretty much just lived a lie for the better part of a year. It drove me crazy and I was just constantly anxious and afraid that someone would find out. 

I went through all the motions, but it kind of felt like I was floating right above myself. I just lived in it constantly and I was so miserable I just wanted to die. Every night I went to bed hoping that I wouldn’t wake up the next day. 

Eventually, my parents found out and they hated me. My mother couldn’t even look at me, but they had to support me to make it look like they cared since I’m still a minor. 

The thing is, it got so much worse after they found out. Everyone told me that I should feel like a weight has been lifted off of my conscience since every word I spoke used to be a lie. I honestly wish I’d killed myself back then. I was so much more suicidal when I was “trying to get my life back on track” than when I was just living a lie. The only reason I didn’t is because I still didn’t feel like I was in control of my own body. 

Even now after it’s been a year I still struggle with dissociating from real life. Most days I don’t even know what I’m doing. I usually don’t even remember what I ate the day before. I still want to die. The only thing that’s changed is my parents. They took complete control of my life. So even if I wanted to be in control of my body it wouldn’t do me much good. 

People say things get better but that’s all bullshit isn’t it. Lies to make people feel like they have something to live for. I can’t even tell my therapist that I feel this way because she legally has to tell my parents. 

Most of the time I’m just on autopilot, but then there are times where there’s nothing to do and I just sit. I feel so empty. I have nothing to live for. My life is outside my control. I can’t even bring myself to commit suicide. Has my body always been this useless? 

People always say to think about those you leave behind, but what’s the point of life when you’re living for someone else. If I can’t live for myself why am I alive?",3.051764705882352,4.143455276688453,4.148638344226581,89.36387254901962,73.57516339869281,6.881481481481483,24.39324618736384,7.1686216300943375,0.8259037037037036,1728,50,377,17,34,563,191,459,0.163,0.7240000000000001,0.113,-0.984,3,0,1,0,0,4,37.0,0,1,6,6,36,20,2,4,18,0,43,12,4,8,3,64,82,26,6,12,14,4,7,5,0,4,6,3,1,0,24,11,2,4,14,0,0,6,11,7,0,0,28,13,66,13,52,47,11,51,0,2,3,0,18,15,0,5,33,265,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729562714819212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604914807955181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991241447471543,0.0,0.07127980905976727,0.0,0.0497496645531813,0.0,0.0,0.10341561432111364,0.0,0.19482530639300652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059609270368411876,0.0,0.06184853570747044,0.0,0.12259951045203815,0.12636043932531954,0.26229522366745456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311584632781906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121355502878237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884025646477394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703104570689903,0.0,0.09851907451902836,0.055866100103761314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780906309421402,0.12530286707870694,0.05613585706406272,0.0,0.05343622546935098,0.0,0.0,0.12820836859062035,0.0,0.0,0.06109141289057875,0.0,0.0,0.04903792019253366,0.046760041717197165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057722380135822676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806923529652892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646831926490186,0.0608826135885682,0.032131000155446295,0.0,0.0,0.0619063115071956,0.0,0.0,0.2477746246076669,0.14281596314104494,0.0,0.3613815203321068,0.0,0.14728838267499764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805208414933743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191489188662845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217851035679225,0.0548657239717678,0.0,0.1121980652964561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893099115613866,0.0,0.0,0.1947563919123345,0.06331222304023944,0.0,0.12159743369783772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526860662826635,0.0,0.0,0.05948022926407812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309262330584815,0.0,0.060112066296694924,0.0,0.0,0.0662297883380212,0.04992904717856276,0.0,0.09298790716687064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672620147573104,0.06571744736277252,0.0,0.0,0.09907491877422392,0.045009444681532486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867618580100401,0.0,0.06697180418983997,0.06112062626094456,0.0,0.19185464833629853,0.06634573016295751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022024991999645,0.0,0.0,0.06788272009387304,0.11652524332456515,0.037462203835437545,0.0,0.0,0.1022747606622272,0.0,0.0,0.055866100103761314,0.06495710007358889,0.039694101276809696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049524800429502,0.06439126858600425,0.0,0.10345304705692353,0.04640703420166365,0.0,0.0711949853661079,0.0,0.1083958386057287,0.05275584000604976,0.0,0.06723221022516092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059581136040500075,0.041532072024227484,0.0,0.0,0.07529947332446549
suicidewatch,surprisinglylatina,2019/03/11,"I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was 8 My boyfriend broke up with me tonight. Honestly, I saw it coming. Im 17, he's in college. He has his own issues and I have a shit ton of mine. We didn't always click very well but he made me so happy. He broke up with me because I wouldnt communicate my issues I would just disappear or get mad at him. I pushed him to tell me something he really didn't want to tell anyone, something really personal. It's my fault, no one else's. I don't blame him for how I feel. He just spent four hours trying to keep me safe from myself until he finally couldn't handle it anymore. I feel really guilty about that. I don't want him to feel bad. I want him to be happy even if its not with me. I told him how I wanted to die, but he's known that for a long time. I've wanted to die for a long time. This is just the straw that broke the camel's back. 

​

I tried to hang myself from a soccer net when I was 8. I tried to slit my wrists when I was 13 and was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. Eleven days after I got out, I tried again. I have a great best friend. She basically lives with me and my family. We do everything together. She came over tonight and sat with me until 1:30 in the morning and she held me while I cried and I could tell she was scared. 

​

I was raped in 2017. I think about it so much. My childhood was a fucking disaster and everyone Ive ever loved has left me since I was little. I don't want to live in pain anymore. ",0.2400931677018648,2.2930820776397525,2.28992546583851,95.03116149068323,85.36645962732919,5.791801242236025,17.585093167701864,7.110495986334442,-2.086956521729633e-05,1167,27,273,17,35,390,160,322,0.213,0.66,0.127,-0.9823,0,0,2,0,0,2,42.0,2,0,0,2,18,21,5,1,11,0,25,6,2,3,1,49,49,21,3,11,8,0,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,18,0,3,6,1,1,5,9,12,1,4,18,5,61,9,38,26,4,39,0,3,2,3,29,12,2,2,22,180,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674346873737614,0.19986420894203155,0.22414119403561064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293647123723145,0.0644899657839587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091984266500041,0.07700892038808761,0.05622307968530356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679060337805208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548753979757862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794487241364627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363884138139418,0.0,0.1013112751626154,0.05948127831849241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914421544774963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704705350058391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091761695624709,0.08342809835798598,0.0,0.08813054465977192,0.0828911550261318,0.0,0.08694705186140078,0.0,0.1399040908022857,0.0,0.0,0.10103440518417146,0.0,0.07845152726295218,0.0,0.0,0.07125733806461003,0.08526594916724785,0.04818682064867479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376544876403117,0.10168485505685164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636294316403105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082882423840584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962516187067304,0.19253012295527824,0.0,0.08197903120181013,0.10203978777654396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020910546568723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243955736651653,0.1628830883522854,0.163242827647401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324195724325288,0.08727107519072129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780029852161766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249802156358963,0.0,0.0981401438827131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053243443399097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772563628543274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923391863876038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946736582656258,0.0762943252087958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200765284313324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418415256305769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059097814632495214,0.0,0.0,0.16134167850214845,0.0,0.0,0.08813054465977192,0.0,0.31309351814499203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610012341440606,0.3264009253162756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292662476151358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551816077273684,0.0,0.22414119403561064,0.0
suicidewatch,lets_get_fruity,2019/03/11,"A different kind of depression As a preface, I am absolutely no stranger to depression. I've hated myself and my life, and hated that I've done nothing about it. I understand, however, that I can change that, but now I am depressed over something out of my control.

I am completely demoralized, and appalled at the lies I've been told my whole life. Growing up in this ""civilized"" western society has taught me how to thrive in it, but the more I look around, two things are painfully apparent: the world is running out of the resources to function, and nobody seems to know or care. Our entire society is reliant on fossil fuels we're nearing the end of, and there's nothing to substitute the energy we got from it. Things like renewables simply aren't large enough to fill this energy demand. The climate is completely fucked, and nobody bats an eye at the crazy weather happening globally. All in all, we will see effects of it, and in fact, already are. Quality of living for the majority will decrease as it has for the last few decades closer and closer to literal poverty, but nobody gets it. Everyone drives their Hyundai Elantra or Ford Focus to their meaningless desk job where the sit for 10 hours of the day, only to go home and either work more or consume distractions like great food, drugs, and electronic entertainment. And this is where this depression comes in: even as I watch society careen toward death, there's nothing I can do about it. In America, as I watch the baby boomers keep their wealth to themselves and attempt to run away from it all, as I watch the millenials talk about how fucked they are because they were handed a resource-dry economy, or watch gen z fuckups party ostentatiously without thinking about anything, there's nothing to be done. We will eventually cease, and though this was foreseen decades ago, we've done nothing but put the pedal to the medal. We're on track to increase global temperature by 6 C by the end of the century, which is  the temperature difference between now and the last ice age. We're not long for this world, and I can't cope with it. ",11.058807692307687,8.329024335897437,10.07317307692308,66.25745192307696,58.20512820512821,13.544871794871796,44.375,11.81641974633143,5.181961538461538,1681,78,292,37,16,534,213,390,0.16399999999999998,0.737,0.099,-0.9857,5,0,2,0,0,0,48.0,4,0,5,5,16,17,4,1,24,0,28,9,2,4,4,47,47,31,1,0,11,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,1,0,21,23,1,2,5,1,1,9,5,10,0,1,9,8,25,7,60,34,11,47,0,4,7,2,11,26,2,5,13,204,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509100403414756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592941938970073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899313284781605,0.08545311886860603,0.0,0.0,0.09018752500679723,0.0,0.0,0.058515755117543526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978701125500692,0.0,0.1015466740883776,0.08268849931366792,0.2012913060731368,0.0,0.10766304847812247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190681719402792,0.0,0.3307106399282156,0.0,0.0,0.2005821539447078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946990427527589,0.0,0.0,0.11132009785011088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700406160361615,0.09918526556446117,0.0,0.06340172712182203,0.0,0.0,0.09172434876481816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607375445793758,0.0,0.0,0.1774858805053966,0.05015179198210831,0.0,0.05455439384019456,0.0,0.07677347025762532,0.10583137940814336,0.0,0.0,0.08488529671265391,0.0,0.0,0.18954420363261204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962876758133776,0.0,0.09453265930109216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525712265366283,0.0853219877215746,0.0,0.09996076461645663,0.05275462326789759,0.15649237752448453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560379813145035,0.09379356130463568,0.0,0.08476258294779035,0.08494978735403211,0.08060899756378913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605339576628644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300614535161927,0.10214212132784416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649834599476556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649309506490687,0.08738739642624055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389923395425482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715463180688045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754547079243986,0.061507716552941065,0.09431152833042633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172434876481816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377011223882332,0.09993092564242598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717149868854366,0.0,0.09253274057015702,0.0,0.06988322716127834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaysw111,2019/03/11,"Can you be suicidal without being depressed? I really really don’t think I’ll ever do anything that makes me proud or that makes my existence meaningful. I’ve known this for a few years, but I have recently started to realize that I don’t want to sit around and just kill time until I die. 
I know these sound like depressed thoughts, but I don’t have any other symptoms of depression. I can be superficially happy one day at a time, and I am. But deep down I know I’m just waiting for life to be over, I have no greater project, no reason to keep going. Do you think some people just run out of reasons to live without being mentally ill? ",6.295279017857144,5.7789912734375015,7.0289285714285725,77.23750000000003,65.953125,10.439285714285717,33.910714285714285,9.957137785484203,3.165965178571428,505,20,100,10,7,168,81,128,0.17600000000000002,0.652,0.172,-0.6765,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,0,2,0,16,3,0,4,1,30,29,7,3,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,10,0,0,2,7,4,0,1,1,1,14,3,17,23,3,17,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,2,9,71,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947219274738942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132473153379086,0.14330668647376082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381904089251773,0.0,0.4159565497773275,0.0,0.16707224042688193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561598875927226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148887152783644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713666299920769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308677676861042,0.17810096217356064,0.0,0.17694123647654042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137052177893897,0.07864689236099355,0.0,0.14214864313943432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491133503688656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223038093828998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908448573800288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116035405412188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625633368868052,0.33102932639008104,0.1589487248974753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139427561960112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760864302188157,0.0,0.0,0.16732027464971774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206299481364104,0.0,0.12780045649183264,0.1877379324677852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495041120703596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103587234032962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366610011830593
suicidewatch,Bryan9458,2019/03/11,"(17)What's the point if no one even notices you All my life I've never had any true friends, and the only ones that's I consider my friends don't ever want to hang out with me and everyone else just stares at me like I'm some sort of freak. The times  I try to be at least a little charismatic, the people I try to talk to just make things awkward and then it all turns to shit. The thought of tell any family member about me wanting to commit suicide fills me with guilt and makes me even more depressed.

The worst thing is, what's the point of living if you have no one that loves you and the only ones that loves you are your family and the only reason they love you is because you are their family?",4.553302891933028,4.686538013698634,4.880502283105024,88.96533485540337,69.54794520547945,8.132724505327245,25.126331811263316,7.793537801064563,1.0325610350076104,554,13,123,6,9,175,88,146,0.18,0.688,0.131,-0.7509,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,7,2,0,6,13,1,2,10,0,8,5,1,3,6,27,18,9,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,4,2,1,19,7,15,15,6,12,0,1,1,3,16,6,1,4,5,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176277317546339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900852793647525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163216120671897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827180426609034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121122741944872,0.11723888617803578,0.0,0.12384708626390813,0.0,0.0,0.3665518830222306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027139803329705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154676763069523,0.06332047833709903,0.1299024064762666,0.1144472439831933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509319237483663,0.0,0.1730302129693493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999625578818483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475608634040212,0.0,0.0,0.3513060266580908,0.2957207710792298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985465743194081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24504505881254676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325978091045074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304191829753592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417713612757777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417491614518673,0.11328409993982033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722131052061592,0.0,0.0,0.10289517861199092,0.07557613103969296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599219476092892,0.14097752465720584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289365607319744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IcebergLickingGuy,2019/03/11,"I might lose my job for coming in drunk. I just wanted to shut the voice in my head up, I swear. Obviously drinking was a terrible idea and the wrong choice, I know that. I've been trying to quit so backsliding this bad, I feel so powerless. I love my job, it's my only source of reliable positive social interaction and I might have just ruined it. 

I need advice.",1.4563356164383592,3.831791123287674,3.648202054794524,85.15942636986303,82.97260273972603,7.485616438356162,20.08390410958904,8.472884824447931,1.329467123287671,284,8,58,7,8,97,53,73,0.282,0.622,0.097,-0.9256,3,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,5,4,1,0,1,13,11,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,3,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,2,12,1,7,7,0,5,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,2,0,37,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810721988056266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778171243695742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834507429734428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862491073564035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768165120193217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856383145167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404118939520971,0.0,0.0,0.4226703851048922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704015569406022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23825368883100756,0.0,0.0,0.1922094919562065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518450432071732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157911066535441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196970216592044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22651480387928044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21709129720457893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458945476635354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256124477502443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284411641142155,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Watt_Iz_Luv,2019/03/11,I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm tired of self harming. I'm tired of waking up to the same bullshit every day. I'm tired of waking up. I'm tired of life. If I knew how to tie a noose with bedsheets I would do it now. I wish I had a knife sharpener......,-2.174877049180328,-0.4029030163934433,0.9247336065573784,102.01365778688526,95.55737704918032,3.7057377049180333,15.821721311475413,5.148860815047168,-1.0609196721311474,200,5,53,1,8,70,34,61,0.394,0.513,0.093,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,3,0,3,10,3,1,0,8,12,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,10,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763657452429423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449157429892247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870909988516699,0.0970784766709579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095981774700821,0.06638805544961543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176091107460806,0.0,0.13948716878035936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9371001979747706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626459403631648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653099835061132,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phallicburitto,2019/03/11,"I'm having a really really bad time I'm not sure where to go with this. This week has been very bad mental health wise. I had to make the very hard decision to put down my dog, I got her when I was 5 and I spent 16 amazing years with my happy girl and being there in the room was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I feel like I betrayed her, like I could have done so much more for her. I miss her so much.
And to top it all off, I've been off of my antidepressants after stopping them cold turkey due to a health emergency and I haven't felt this low In a long long time.
I'm drunk at home right now and Im scared I could do something stupid, I just need some reassurance that I did the right thing, and that things can get better, cause right now it really doesn't feel like they can",0.5519630642954851,2.401313197674419,2.1454172366621087,97.701634746922,82.72093023255816,5.674965800273597,15.350205198358411,6.794906146795322,-0.6069340629274964,618,9,152,7,17,201,102,172,0.17800000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.7675,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,2,9,15,1,1,7,0,19,3,0,2,3,24,32,9,0,3,2,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,10,8,1,1,4,1,1,2,3,6,0,1,11,5,21,9,17,18,5,28,0,2,0,0,8,13,0,1,16,96,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164722329776476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464771036852198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316631018560554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699893398561456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653141725395365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725827770094074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310902286213721,0.1852162191366114,0.1244656819807809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772662578143103,0.0,0.07367204381581778,0.0,0.10367741379879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799415887979405,0.11612353427228865,0.0,0.0,0.2755824814912665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300300374013122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002326705933282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899928549747424,0.0,0.0,0.2294379614746843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652941623908905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063713141445885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058677804546933,0.09611942973996776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784103332688849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303145333280631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491339995626529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321114114622893,0.0,0.0,0.1297828210545582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979595076761674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837696621081958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217528399271207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583623843458387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117726293573833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391760282279332,0.0,0.0,0.10398182906506973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347784099410455
suicidewatch,TheJuiceDC,2019/03/11,"All I think about is suicide I can't not think about it. It's been close to three fucking weeks of it on the brain non-stop. I can't function and its exhausting. My meds stopped working and I can't find a therapist who takes my insurance AND is taking patients AND has availability outside of working hours. Didn't realize mental health was for those of us who don't have to work for a living...

I'm tired overly talkative and unable to think for close to a month now. Wish I wasn't such a fucking coward",3.390218446601942,4.849699514563111,4.3244538834951465,86.99017597087378,73.27184466019419,7.480097087378643,27.43810679611651,8.07648339933343,1.6586708737864075,402,15,83,6,8,130,65,103,0.123,0.821,0.056,-0.7509,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,3,4,3,2,0,5,0,12,6,1,0,1,16,21,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,0,8,0,14,17,1,9,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,5,56,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713555516880768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614022823234598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265137130276606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770949588960306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390797230115385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593435153990504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615438047880346,0.0,0.177963635058196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095439331196288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952783585283478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931634569611344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26555106121864114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050374227827879,0.0,0.3394598971089936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029670211745575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241895075494746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165179593320176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307258008362888,0.0,0.0,0.3856841780395707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SixthUnderminer,2019/03/11,"I am on the edge of just killing myself to get it over with. Things are going great right now. I got a new job and  I'm not in financial debt anymore either but the feeling of hopelessness isn't leaving. The pit in my stomach won't leave me alone, the empty thoughts and the sudden urges that I've felt the past few days every time I look into my mirror, I can not get last the feeling of uselessness, of feeling lost and as if I don't belong.

Venting usually helps me, but even when I vent, I feel guilty. Others had put me down in the past and I find it hard to receive help for this. I should have passed this stage but it keeps coming back to haunt me. I don't feel like I deserve the help.

I just want to take the sleeping pills I bought months ago for this reason. I wanted an easy way out if it ever goes south again. No matter how much help I get, I can't help but wonder who I am going to leave behind if I do it. It's the only thing that kept me going the last five years, but now I feel as if everyone will be better off without me mucking it up. 

Maybe if I just go to sleep, things will turn out better.",3.601820728291319,3.679792907563023,4.5795126050420185,90.48999719887956,71.60504201680672,7.1870028011204505,23.849859943977588,6.42735559955562,0.4856797759103642,864,19,199,5,15,282,139,238,0.115,0.7070000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9031,2,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,3,11,8,1,0,14,0,16,4,3,2,1,45,44,18,1,8,17,0,8,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,17,9,0,2,11,0,2,8,9,4,0,1,7,9,29,4,28,32,3,41,0,3,1,0,7,13,0,6,19,136,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094464167755534,0.0,0.0,0.1103700487760992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568465626811367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194253605033848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884976119078372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179701613915664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872613657585942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038571767731035,0.09639488329948356,0.08978629772745869,0.10182820578200848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32329727685122905,0.07613064160118559,0.1023198969366386,0.0,0.09739922695875676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670287245336998,0.0,0.24225524049303745,0.0,0.08523041954799837,0.11748919044601296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546204117929864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571441071393495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575013089108662,0.09472059535379272,0.1178992884677502,0.0,0.0,0.1737307294787917,0.0,0.3385134428026101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206267577894862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948844774960459,0.0,0.11632917869879135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705968750080433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505981915120822,0.0,0.07833813777724535,0.0,0.0,0.10292193098223107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104810655322232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345826271989131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071280806667052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956740931392617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100662622154278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213285556920036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012423278172487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123927826358789,0.0,0.0,0.08460135589586132,0.06213938539756037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159130087311198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173671929123752,0.0,0.12571056084605126,0.08458698601912168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272564564628697,0.11556608371996782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862489283052971
suicidewatch,furryauthor,2019/03/11,"Misery Loves Me (I’m sorry if this is jumbled and doesn’t make any sense.)

I dont know what to do at this point in my life. I am only nineteen years old (I’ll be 20 in July) and everything living for was robbed from me. I was physically and mentally abused all my childhood as well as into my adolescence. My first kiss was taken from me by some bitch in a mental hospital.

I am also loser. I am too afraid to go back to college and I really am scared to drive because I don’t want to purposefully kill myself while driving. Therefore I can’t work.

All I do is cry over things I can’t control.  I cannot describe this terrible crushing loneliness I feel on a day to day basis because the one offline friend I had has slowly and steadily pushed me out of her life for unknown reasons. My online friends only put up with me for a few months at a time before they reject me and I deal with isolation **ON THE INTERNET!!!**

I’m also a trans guy and my family refuses to recognize me as a man. I cannot bind because my chest is too big. I cannot go on testosterone because my father refuses to pay for it. I cant dress in masculine clothes because my mother will be outraged. I am the laughing stock of the entire family that claims to love and support me and to be quite frank I am fucking sick of it.

Being borderline is something I’ve been dealing with too. I wish I didnt have this personality disorder that made me like this. I hate myself with every fiber of my being and I’m jealous of everyone in the universe because they aren’t me. I just wish I could die in an acid bath because thats what I deserve. The only reason I havent slit my throat yet is because I’m too afraid of those bastard morticians.",2.062409188034188,3.982578000000004,4.084963497150998,85.31197516025642,78.11680911680914,6.8946225071225085,26.06846509971509,7.8658589789855275,1.6148439458689463,1342,53,270,22,32,458,186,351,0.187,0.72,0.093,-0.9882,1,1,1,0,1,1,31.0,0,0,2,5,11,22,7,3,13,0,39,9,2,6,2,35,58,17,3,5,2,2,1,1,2,1,3,0,1,3,14,16,0,3,4,1,1,6,12,13,1,2,8,2,52,9,45,43,4,34,0,2,0,4,16,17,3,2,12,191,66,4,0.0,0.12023555175648885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230480580401846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900893052404433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803078252408065,0.0,0.4948833205376602,0.0,0.08635081769463382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381688321169407,0.08102240785134443,0.0,0.11146948135225801,0.13089060884268294,0.2092399694887516,0.0,0.0,0.10531876947710143,0.0,0.11630327180115678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893216803626895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550010054985045,0.09696715482801332,0.09120242583682424,0.0,0.1913299928471263,0.0,0.051310631239409765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631764866503977,0.0,0.0,0.15680423534014745,0.09381533413161856,0.0,0.0,0.11534525838093693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047977233705144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018911220357253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227103994583852,0.0,0.05576998682681114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335467807346794,0.04957731999938607,0.0,0.0896074664470473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831768040775037,0.09602150869139724,0.06773775611955021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453312948418445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099925349696498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648472428910626,0.0,0.06876452831191197,0.2315371532762153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886072027420719,0.0,0.0,0.09593008150019126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201402553114307,0.0,0.10793498653100553,0.0,0.0,0.06500979218764066,0.208673812161482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015977856225214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781231871036442,0.0,0.1135969889273197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515671716730327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741787529968342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059172990022646935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059854709819649965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124145202616364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23339077280226306,0.0,0.0,0.07387763226756268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534889382613007
suicidewatch,oerooe,2019/03/11,Just wanna cry I just can’t sleep and I’m so so so tired. I’m so sad. I just want to kill my self. I’m laying in bed. That’s it. Idk why I just want to let everything out and cry for awhile but i just feel so empty of that makes sense. Don’t have the energy to do anything about it.  Just want to sleep. Or mainly die. ,-3.4478185328185336,-2.2491530405405378,-0.293436293436292,106.58081081081082,113.18918918918921,3.1953667953667955,7.988416988416987,5.288315135182226,-2.0783907335907337,241,2,67,2,14,83,45,74,0.266,0.6459999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,12,2,1,0,1,0,5,3,2,1,0,17,13,9,2,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,10,12,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078536655511807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826362035694067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800254584659954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744234936872065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108138283105452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430533803194693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464693444137895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664414445662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291835879072125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43969540661744894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525002413951589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887348747297169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823519402699166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,songyye,2019/03/11,"a broken hourglass. you were right.

i hadn't spoken to you much before then, but when you ended up as a classmate of mine, i knew we would be good friends. look where it got you. where it got me. i helped you, and now you're trying your damnedest to help me. you said to flip my hourglass instead of watching it end. but it's broken. it's leaking. 

our first conversation was when you approached me and said your parents were looking through my father's house, almost buying it. even now, i can't put a definitive emotion with it. joy, sadness, confusion. i don't know. we became great friends, too. you try to help. a lot. you don't want me to go. 

i have more to say. but my hourglass is running short again. even if i do flip it, there will still be less sand in it then there was the previous flip. it'll cycle until there is no sand left. ",0.35987240829346234,2.7429561754385965,1.6565683147262114,97.02989234449764,89.58479532163744,4.044763423710792,20.053429027113236,5.565023196281405,-0.2454000000000001,650,21,142,4,22,206,100,171,0.101,0.737,0.162,0.9466,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,11,0,1,15,7,0,1,5,0,17,0,0,0,0,16,27,12,0,3,4,2,2,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,1,4,5,2,0,1,10,8,29,5,14,12,4,23,0,1,3,0,25,7,0,4,12,103,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398759444635816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393524653407083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421425993018906,0.2900954302181597,0.0,0.0,0.2163312711366312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392989373467612,0.0,0.0,0.253049795634675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307176555980336,0.13735881709725994,0.2619566242807605,0.18055215427740864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329305892840184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889635170431292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000129198334066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793180567476008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27504372041029307,0.0,0.0,0.13922765845233853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038656053436175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818423205971782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462966230808698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985492925299206,0.31155717877258265,0.13023297972918416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078342125045625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237218771572487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965931950420808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633438495041805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CottoncandyCrybaby,2019/03/11,"I dont know what else to do I really don't know another option. I've been with the same guy for 3 years. We have a 2 year old son. He's cheated on me multiple times and when I finally tried to break up with him he threatened to kill himself if I didn't give him another chance. 
After feeling like I had to other choice I gave him another chance and instead of anything being different he gets in my face tells me he's in love with this other girl, and I'm not good enough, tells me I'm basically the worst mom on the planet Because of my depression and anxiety and then tells me he would rather slit his wrists and bleed out than spend the rest of his life with me. 
All of my family lives in Alabama and I am in California. Stuck living here with him treating me like shit and making me do everything around the house because that's my job as a stay at home mom. 
I can't leave. If I leave I can't take my son. I can't just leave my son, he doesn't even take care of him but no one in his family knows that because I've liked and covered for him over the years.
I'd rather die than continue this situation or leave my son behind. 
I don't have any friends to miss me anyways. ",2.8810270030987155,3.722746932270919,4.375026560424967,88.53238490482515,73.70119521912349,8.286941124391324,24.70141655599823,8.680891452615391,1.3873079238601145,924,27,213,17,18,309,136,251,0.138,0.787,0.075,-0.9549,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,9,14,3,0,8,0,17,6,3,1,1,34,33,16,2,5,8,6,1,3,1,1,2,0,1,2,7,17,0,0,4,0,1,0,10,6,0,1,5,1,38,8,34,26,5,24,0,2,0,1,32,12,1,4,13,134,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152302545718958,0.3308574111969673,0.08045905830727597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655057036621287,0.09362859670217674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234223779642334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072335500268506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090587603884208,0.0,0.10915568424591124,0.1098861331569403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326503856153792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786073126831806,0.0,0.0,0.10867452646886314,0.0,0.06946750238616975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452506183401632,0.0,0.19830042061528425,0.0,0.053179951587310786,0.0751374810346764,0.0,0.11521474630660047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125841996725994,0.0,0.05494991835937983,0.10089403450495137,0.0,0.08821631661784866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414039545637588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549971827222243,0.0,0.0,0.1213585396334303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043705699456476,0.0,0.11636123596138807,0.0,0.17340530380359984,0.0,0.0,0.4454631644344027,0.0,0.0,0.07428864794306171,0.15415047995185968,0.0,0.18574399154362728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949250997060236,0.0,0.07020554033457227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463608204384235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036411647443124,0.0,0.07126971931974634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673781927396073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079612583367862,0.0,0.1182217989896282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121032125192028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815794782323486,0.0,0.27578437237430675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061328747448030574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140733930696241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471373992003813,0.0,0.0,0.20318894502054194
suicidewatch,betterfrenz,2019/03/11,Death by plastic bag? I heard if you put a plastic bag over your head and pump in helium it's a pretty easy and painless death. Anyone here ever try it/know anyone who succeeded?,1.5175000000000018,3.941136861111115,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,83.16666666666667,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6934111111111112,141,4,27,2,4,47,29,36,0.17600000000000002,0.565,0.259,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428771416866425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511492603722335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398405349440872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133446500191733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949391128198038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39024837214997743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635624195872143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Veesabelle,2019/03/12,"I wish I never existed in the first place. I don't think it would change much. I think I could be removed without ruining anything. Hell, I think it would be better. I am aware that I am loved. That it would hurt people if I killed myself and I hate that. I wish I could have never been. I know I will missed but I know they will be alright without me. I may not be as replaceable as I feel I am but I don't think family photos would look as if something is missing. I may be loved but I'm not needed. I can't imagine anyone falling to the floor in grief that I am no longer with them. I think people will mostly be focused on my age. I'm 18. I bet people will just talk about my wasted potential. Like all I could be is all I am. I feel like my value is what I have offer and I currently offer nothing so what is the point of me. I want to die and  I see very little reason to deny myself that.  My biggest hesitation is that I could fail. That I could wake up. I've done that before and I can't do it again. I do not wish to drag my death out. I just would really like for it to be over. I'm not looking for pity or anything. I just needed to say my piece and to know that someone has seen it. That as much as I wish I never existed. I do and someone knows it. At least for a moment. ",-0.6958050253423913,1.2935493558718854,1.9664962795211915,96.13019950393615,89.24911032028471,4.687199396096193,16.700204895934437,6.11248444174946,-0.4813378410438913,983,23,233,9,33,339,124,281,0.146,0.682,0.172,0.4107,1,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,2,3,6,17,3,0,4,1,46,3,1,1,5,62,76,18,4,19,15,0,2,3,0,11,0,1,0,0,19,8,0,0,13,0,1,2,14,10,0,1,3,7,52,7,27,49,7,22,1,7,4,2,8,12,1,7,11,181,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064639507512182,0.0,0.15214827868336095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866365982120442,0.0,0.0,0.08175985484747107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779427091676654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690479893109984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594303882833298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460305908457653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714866791501806,0.0,0.09348567040330467,0.06604253649432025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863344357855329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127003600638843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989639998144688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227640142684054,0.0,0.2032208328352612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549148251508886,0.09265390964592532,0.0,0.0,0.15526058764310466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686996357167808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359150327447193,0.13709319790688415,0.2138972338665456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870321559297148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226861618962413,0.0,0.09658507124943064,0.0,0.08739015447934098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592224638309772,0.09504858327754333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351576299616172,0.0,0.0,0.07366648419749339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665624637403994,0.07116847273180221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430357550498078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961742642016503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627658720741723,0.054526299317747474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42522752759679205,0.17822684950002754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283504335884688,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boohoo_yes,2019/03/12,"Hi, I was wondering if I could just talk someone for a while. I just want to talk for a while. I'm terribly isolated and i'm tired of thinking about suicide, so lets just talk about something fun. especially if anyone here is a beekeeper!! ",1.326666666666668,3.941500425531917,3.2820212765957457,85.4841666666667,87.29787234042553,7.388652482269504,26.9822695035461,8.344100000000001,2.4026056737588655,188,9,37,5,6,63,32,47,0.27,0.6409999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8829,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,9,6,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,26,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885738977010799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532595300174875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27577685145971714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285079211997864,0.20762095524845586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949976805851927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6503011262946297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280680979423904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099696051403104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590704692115047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924678887525424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iswearimagoodman,2019/03/12,"i have no control this is ranty/long. sorry

​

how bad could killing yourself be, honestly? everyday i bounce back and fucking forth from having a grand ol time to wanting to fucking end myself. i am completely sure i have bipolar disorder and i swear to god i ruin everything i touch because of it. i cannot maintain meaningful relationships outside of the people i see every single day. i cannot start any new hobbies or see through to any new goals because i go from motivated to self loathing. i used to bounce from loving my appearance to hating myself about 5 times a day- luckily, i dont bounce between that anymore. im fucking ugly.

i cant connect with people. i flip between 3 different personalities a day and i dont even realize im doing it. everytime i do anything i make a fucking fool of myself. if i speak up and try to join a damn conversation i get told to shut the fuck up, but everytime im quiet people think im just too damn good for them. i have had several mental breakdowns over how damn repulsive i must be. i literally just take up space and dont do anything good with it. i listen to everyones problems and try to be everyones friend, but i always manage to fuck up. i'm the weird one in the group. i'm the laughing stock, im the one that's there for comic relief. i am not even of note in other people's lives.

thats the point of social hierarchy, right? every member of the group contributes? well in a group with over 7.5 billion members, i dont think i fucking matter. what difference will it make?",2.175625,4.61436078688525,4.144236680327872,82.3266828893443,80.47540983606558,6.960040983606558,26.908299180327873,8.07648339933343,2.0613135245901644,1220,53,227,24,32,414,164,305,0.152,0.72,0.128,-0.2555,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,3,11,27,12,0,14,0,24,9,0,7,2,34,50,12,1,5,7,0,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,2,10,9,0,1,5,1,0,2,9,17,1,3,2,6,33,10,39,42,1,26,0,1,2,8,14,13,10,3,11,146,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302307717603227,0.08206598992798507,0.09203433205746236,0.10301376803522806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511531296916739,0.0,0.0,0.12465776331509335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824061371116495,0.06324107070883106,0.09234275042236632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941362459377647,0.0,0.0849506427401953,0.06047350295586702,0.0,0.0,0.14654119454088554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582676985342676,0.08680643339986294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550743556515838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708457464468866,0.0,0.0,0.1000532224560168,0.0,0.12763112626360967,0.14474868569378313,0.06807166455167153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851777082910733,0.4901532089031794,0.03957185890308882,0.0,0.043045695682377164,0.12705691794920862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477914732063723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40906961651267176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379685627807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688121879808284,0.06702893089484058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683597494606141,0.0,0.1011162097881654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632971629976881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630341489701887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264893420000254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100387495434989,0.06613464199638547,0.0,0.0,0.07160029207971902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247448028294358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131813088845805,0.0,0.06468291095688335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071249482167774,0.0,0.0790150054770359,0.08556644689670669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720902092788416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478651804915317,0.05361029299538877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138555987134332,0.0,0.05694825563462193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706431553841534,0.0,0.0,0.0883310699333321,0.0,0.0,0.07237434284689158,0.0,0.10284714664067417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541642220262325,0.0,0.0,0.044674356973471566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810079291799583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203433205746236,0.0
suicidewatch,strawberrydanang,2019/03/12,"Running away as an alternative Does anyone else do this? So far (28F) I've packed up and left 3 times. Once more, I'm getting to the point where I'm self harming and fantasising about killing myself. 


I live in Vietnam currently, mental health assistance is virtually nonexistent. I have a lot of friends but I've leant on them for too much and too long now. No one knows how sad and broken I am - I put on a good front, I'm sociable and while people are aware I'm sad about a recent nasty breakup, no one would guess I have suicidal ideation again. 


I'll give it a couple more months but I think it'll be time to run away again. I'm sick of running. I'm sick of starting over. I'm sick of learning a new language and building a new life. 


But I don't want to die, I'm fighting this the only way I know how. ",0.5474867642478998,2.756994573964498,2.262379321083777,94.68494861413893,85.50887573964496,5.451385861102461,21.912488321395198,6.8360192770164,0.4496556213017753,629,22,143,8,19,206,106,169,0.276,0.65,0.07400000000000001,-0.9907,1,0,0,0,2,2,19.0,0,0,1,0,11,7,2,0,9,0,10,5,0,2,0,19,26,14,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,5,0,2,0,0,10,2,18,23,4,30,0,2,0,0,5,11,0,2,13,77,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204982905735117,0.16419404119540404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30111842728295224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731247412725573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663131653336234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023498265561513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386747952439487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380798240720227,0.0,0.08372349017192816,0.15372544597856638,0.0,0.13440926097567935,0.0,0.0,0.17653234372806495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033719688878698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729177924690626,0.0,0.17613732264120469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741110109289792,0.0,0.11318861013166673,0.0,0.0,0.14150280578026594,0.14181532514690626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623797201676988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149330432265682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790922554093972,0.0,0.11780145588593766,0.0,0.0,0.3095389718549203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706599585148485,0.21717774377745971,0.12187658807919036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109648163228304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148710514015368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109450935237435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822655813975064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717465941371515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342506930760513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528640010550428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268109072064747,0.0,0.0,0.18688496498358773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451901403382656,0.12719819981411834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383629415048158,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,surprise_b1tch,2019/03/12,"Why should I continue? I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 13.   I was put on medication.  For the rest of my life, on and off, I've been in talk therapy, in and out of inpatient programs and outpatient programs, CBT and DBT, on more medications than I can name, and diagnosed with a handful of acronyms.  I've been hospitalized 5 times.  

I've achieved some things.  I graduated from college, eventually.  I'm licensed in some sports, I've traveled overseas, moved across the country doing this and that.  I'll keep it together for about six months to a year, but then another mental break will hit and I'll lose my shit and go back in therapy or make another radical career change or move.  

What makes it different this time?  I lost everything again.  My family hasn't talked to me in over a year, I have only my friends.  I'm unemployed and, for the first time, applying to social programs.  I got a job offer but turned it down after I had another breakdown and starting cutting myself again.  I can't be employed right now.  

I just don't see the point.  Even if I get myself back on track *again,* I will never be rid of this.  I'm stuck with this disease forever and it will NEVER go away.  I'll have a few good  months, maybe a pretty okay year, but it will ALWAYS come back and I'll lose EVERYTHING all over again and I'm just sick of the cycle.  There's no way of breaking it and I just don't see the point. 

If there was a light at the end of the tunnel, it would be different.  But there's not.  There's nothing.  There is no end to this, ever.  

They tell me I have to learn to live with my illness.

Why?

Why can't I chose just not to live at all? ",1.6166748855230748,3.8265039820359306,3.220817189151113,89.46771046143009,81.03592814371255,7.043184219795703,23.296583303980277,8.124751697461798,1.3288713631560412,1286,45,275,26,34,424,167,334,0.111,0.8440000000000001,0.045,-0.966,6,0,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,0,1,6,21,9,2,0,15,1,27,9,2,2,5,48,46,24,0,4,14,0,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,0,15,20,0,1,1,2,0,7,11,6,0,3,10,4,27,3,43,26,7,59,0,4,2,0,8,21,1,6,28,186,42,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928602430670556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29974869749599203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952482943258648,0.2198083743884681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080051178390016,0.08208090638405635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207014669956744,0.1934276397380545,0.0,0.19910828152527066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687911620382306,0.0,0.0,0.06293585288968423,0.08619211957840484,0.0,0.0,0.17127477400593413,0.0,0.0898276580495768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210134360109366,0.0,0.0,0.07361813494716644,0.0,0.04978327792672452,0.0,0.10830705916308203,0.07992181861192219,0.07620934080676509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455717580857673,0.08469504398804059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730369248526348,0.0,0.0,0.1682794994117973,0.0,0.0,0.21320250233519145,0.10401650105963216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272089943287525,0.0,0.09572812447344306,0.0,0.0,0.1919823040512872,0.09602640831014428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521135946774409,0.2025489983352444,0.0,0.0,0.14698168880982854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142999323814367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246969810560537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015313604391095,0.0,0.0,0.0969406548151891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578927867304264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137417403519419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186205160725474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781025139924868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713261529402456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744429475650053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531754031818569,0.08328462515003182,0.0,0.2179368974995816,0.0,0.06330413500498837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666870217605358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364437994292264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563401048047179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579438111850263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768881538746384,0.0,0.0,0.18408419927832176
suicidewatch,93980209_737281919,2019/03/12,"Body dysmorphia is making me suicidal The past month, save the last week, has been going so well. I’ve made so many friends and put myself out there socially. Everyday I look forward to talking to them and laughing with them and they really seem to enjoy talking to me. I even decided I was doing so well that I chose not to start medication for my depressive episodes because I really thought I could get happy by myself. I’ve even almost completely overcame my disordered eating habits, I haven’t counted calories in two months. 

But body dysmorphia is the one thing I can’t beat. The more time I spend in social situations the worse it gets. I’m exhausted. I’m becoming so obsessive and controlling with my behaviors regarding my appearance. It’s so fucking tiring. I spend hours picking out outfits, trying them on, and throwing rejected clothes into huge piles on my bed. Every time I wash my hair I blow dry it, straighten it, and curl it. I go to the bathroom multiple times during the day to reapply my makeup and check my appearance. I spend hours flipping pictures of myself to analyze my facial asymmetry. I skipped a class today because I felt my thighs chafe when I was naked getting ready and had a mental breakdown. 

I once wanted to kill myself because I was overwhelmingly sad and lonely. Now I just crave death because I’ll finally be free of my body. No more thoughts of self loathing. It sounds so freeing not having to inhabit this contorted sack of flesh anymore. 

I’m doing everything I can to fight this. Yes I have a therapist. Yes I have supportive friends and family who I can talk to. I don’t have Instagram. I understand the psychology behind the way I feel, and logically know that I’m an attractive girl with a very nice body and many nice features. 

But body dysmorphia is always there. I don’t know how else to try and fight it. All I want is release. I’m so sick of living like this. ",4.067990702479339,6.341398115702482,5.0875060261707965,78.79216813016531,73.35261707988981,8.835020661157024,30.627496556473822,9.435801123606538,3.169471143250689,1528,70,270,39,32,500,205,363,0.127,0.721,0.152,0.8270000000000001,0,3,0,0,2,1,36.0,0,0,4,2,17,26,4,2,14,2,24,16,9,5,1,47,52,24,3,3,5,0,3,1,2,0,5,1,1,2,14,19,1,1,10,0,6,7,7,11,2,2,9,5,50,17,31,41,3,33,0,5,1,1,16,9,1,4,19,173,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900452053086399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482339730917376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917976014716683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192656599161501,0.09931323069131932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994226268059744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428287939899982,0.0,0.1008566382067522,0.07179644570045096,0.0,0.0,0.057993095611985825,0.0,0.0774508149124657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305990355133574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920139952420996,0.07511938658002935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878699599163248,0.0,0.0757642668158322,0.0,0.08081727250511858,0.0,0.08477169345250728,0.0,0.04546792729728802,0.0,0.08634047920772149,0.09850659040265024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894905208019964,0.08313265084899167,0.14094365367299516,0.0,0.10221097841655924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572503533454002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771126928435398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948681897968063,0.0,0.09883899866991107,0.0732994993417293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043931986936756304,0.0,0.07940392997112912,0.0,0.07551293241665999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508760992991016,0.06002450751686689,0.18233624410800048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905882741502601,0.09062154602895382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355185583084132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957653900929127,0.06093436191283706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584197418066229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903977632727142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521434967376365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186280390325683,0.09380962360313312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107756778585723,0.0,0.18333097993940548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364818146614858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836150571093376,0.1020439062526243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683085040183386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440789344571634,0.059741051291320985,0.0,0.0,0.1427781268035282,0.1573050151591047,0.10335361629197473,0.08523678317614554,0.0,0.0,0.12210404918369447,0.0,0.08784200724726196,0.0936133367543651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419614806569325,0.10607819583360956,0.07137693768544692,0.07213105498236692,0.0,0.1617037096218083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163953498753112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsgettinggayer,2019/03/12,I think my friend just attempted suicide I don’t know where else to put this and I don’t know what to do my friend said she posted on her fb story with her mouth full of pills and her wrists slit DOES ANYONE KNOW W NUMBER TO TEXT TO send them help? That’s like a n ambulance or something I don’t know her adress and I’m scared I don’t know what to do I can’t call poilice without an address ,-0.2972413793103428,1.7495524367816129,1.3662183908045975,100.76312068965521,87.85057471264368,4.3995402298850586,16.745977011494254,5.6839178017228535,-0.7885209195402298,310,7,76,2,10,100,56,87,0.087,0.753,0.16,0.6408,0,0,1,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,7,3,2,0,0,13,15,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,1,14,3,9,14,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,1,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541113217886717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225056718243176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287667567084452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841189262632699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340566549316137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773188719999533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6056402726562866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076780659649046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108572365841824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156649392552705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965429555697646,0.0,0.22066245336144769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967745925836558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410857654946593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122572739992342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246120532016352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lkmjhn,2019/03/12,"Considering being stupid tomorrow and just having this all be over with I don't want to talk about anything in detail regarding my past or my issues now. To be brief, self hatred is the issue and its very strong. I totally understand that my thinking is really distorted and wrong and full of cognitive errors, but it doesnt matter, I just want to hate myself and not get better. 

I keep getting close and thinking that I should call out for help one last time, maybe there is something missing that I havent considered. And to no one elses fault, people try to help but really nothing can help me when all thats on my mind is how disgusting and evil I am and how I want to hate and hurt myself and the reality doesnt matter. 

Frankly, whats pushing me over the edge is the fact that my future is the isolation and self hatred now but worse and the fact that I am frustrayed and give up. Nothing is working and I have tried a lot. Every way I try to look at life, I still end up so ashamed and guilted and angry at the hunk of shite I am. 

I havr been waiting and waiting so long. I guess the day to finally do it is whenever I have grown tired of failing and hurting and being what I am. That day was long ago, I fucking give up, I will never be better. I am so fucked in the head, I make no sense, I understand and know nothing, I'm a moron with nothing to be proud of. 

If I attempt, I cannot fail because it will permanently destroy my life and relationship with family and the logistics of work and school. Luckily its hard to fuck up with a shotgun. Suicide is stupid because I destroy the family I love, I cant predict the future and I permanently am over. But I am so frustrated with it all, I want it to be over and don't care if its the dumbest decision ever or even if it destroys my family. 

What else can I wait for? No one can save me and I am not saving myself. I cant try, no one can fix me for me. I have tried it all, I'm just a pathetic moron making problems for myself when I should have none. I don't think there is any answer out there or solution. Theres a good chance I feel better tomorrow and not do it. But eventually at this rate, I will. I need to get angry enough at myself for the courage to drive out, get drunk and do it. ",4.342787479650732,4.502001547210302,5.692776380050319,82.86877682403436,70.00858369098712,9.002693503033893,28.515317448571853,8.939507131559953,2.040293266242416,1755,58,375,30,29,593,195,466,0.307,0.602,0.09,-0.9991,0,1,1,1,0,3,43.0,0,0,0,10,22,36,15,2,19,0,53,9,1,4,9,96,89,48,1,11,17,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,24,38,1,4,9,1,0,4,18,25,0,4,2,3,56,11,47,75,9,46,0,5,1,4,11,20,3,8,21,280,80,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266488864238317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574504176579921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745750936956889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994101909374327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749767616783552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370448523983451,0.0,0.08357782248067383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057327276524591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369572973967006,0.0,0.07260451659491159,0.08470091943343908,0.0,0.0541429672071223,0.07415005739297531,0.06906651994078923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318330039601963,0.0,0.041448451088135885,0.0,0.0,0.08979836638400747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273505622993529,0.17131185233792254,0.1572736089237437,0.0,0.06875579189851813,0.0,0.0,0.09030345826334647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343248510715808,0.16186444861134416,0.08412883881741191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648360689000652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550944387948886,0.0,0.0,0.1711188430275892,0.0,0.07286214103252253,0.0,0.0,0.045050694472876164,0.06681964395222671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580113553192672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508858858446805,0.06883740411849229,0.0,0.0,0.0696912518130436,0.07398461703640112,0.0,0.10943638787997696,0.0,0.08235376921402604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277023933222316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078258500415859,0.06322330112239087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146245517204471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22219045990967276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825333327539709,0.05683035913090055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843792159792995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502911878697437,0.0,0.0,0.08800925719256522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296193156893726,0.0,0.0,0.17103324592246455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310748905828377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546443748787915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966610753462276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588749060054745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757663543985606,0.0,0.0,0.047799622094858635,0.09421690330527542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782743799361385,0.0,0.0,0.1706753767019386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763702673142095,0.1934012466756678,0.06506704145831231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935590553395753,0.0,0.08353837549785903,0.0,0.08962555702401648,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Palefern,2019/03/12,"Hi y'all I feel like such a burden on everyone I know who cares about me. Like, why does everyone want me to exist? I'm literally just a selfish piece of shit who takes therapy resources and steals time from my friends to talk about their dumb problems that are all MY fault.

I wish I could just jump off a building and nobody would care. But they would and I hate that. But like at the same time I'm so selfish that I must kind of WANT them to, otherwise why would I talk about my problems and ask for help?

tbh I can't stop thinking that I'm just faking my mental illnesses and problems for attention. I should just suck it up and deal with life like everyone else and stop being a whiny bitch. But... why is it so hard? Why the fuck can't it just stop? 

​

this made no sense lol i'm sorry u have to read this

hope ur having a good day",2.5717370129870107,3.9619201022727317,3.3924025974025973,93.1318181818182,75.25,6.846753246753247,22.798701298701296,7.447530270364453,0.62745422077922,662,18,151,8,14,210,104,176,0.26,0.544,0.196,-0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,3,0,11,25,6,0,7,1,13,4,1,1,2,39,32,12,0,13,8,0,2,4,1,5,2,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,4,1,0,1,3,15,0,0,1,2,19,10,17,24,3,11,0,0,0,1,14,4,5,1,10,89,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186067827242635,0.13666277758562148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514381922562988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934034332422154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979776024365656,0.0,0.0,0.0725335362321403,0.11595113692507447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842283514669667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395385244985266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32240833931020896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056867968802419865,0.08034824778576796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689367240294142,0.1039762592218472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433409756027747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075059893741947,0.11104036667471033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753859487116484,0.0,0.0,0.11170761088981736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711969813236744,0.06181030703326317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944054831761116,0.21978770628471456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642137952163072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133428233643935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228544248039123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249995616484364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544834637328433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259004199777988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208866510617986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456308227264862,0.18079748031955606,0.0,0.0,0.12861869829650555,0.0,0.0,0.0720659272978962,0.0,0.0,0.13116376350362347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267487413358522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059449942791676,0.0,0.12933439782258693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396853609715571,0.0,0.13666277758562148,0.0
suicidewatch,doobadedo,2019/03/12,"Why is being alive so expensive? I feel horrible, like I'm robbing my parents I love, every day. I see no upside to it. Even as I'm working every day I still need my relatively poor parents' help to just get by. I feel like I'm robbing them every moment I'm alive. Because I am doing nothing of value. I feel nothing of value. I have no money for any prospects in the future that are of any value. I value human life. But I should be allowed to die.",0.6569148936170208,2.757020436170216,3.6419574468085116,85.69400000000002,84.0,5.036595744680851,23.229787234042554,6.2581,0.7424246808510646,347,13,68,3,10,124,58,94,0.219,0.6,0.181,-0.4602,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,0,8,19,3,1,2,2,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,13,3,10,16,0,6,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,7,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25096057708104785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248200302372777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380009549503472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915031791155646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187407045334785,0.0,0.4663995169509672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27989737404527265,0.13182150419633287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640436162953317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368022238560025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303323079469053,0.18029482188312765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653698336599812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368196356656079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541048520304099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097764262266771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703897323210938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735833439023338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650107887085192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433314417754286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LonelyExtrovert329,2019/03/12,"I think about suicide every day, but I don't want to die. I don't know what to say. Some people are so much worse off than me, not in the sense that their lives are better, but on this community in particular, I notice people who have no reason to die. I feel so sad for these people, then I think ""If someone were to look at my life, knowing that I want to kill myself, they'd think I'm being ridiculous."" I just want the pain, sometimes lack of pain, numbness, to end. I sat here for 45 minutes researching severing the brachial artery, and my mind kept going back to my little girl's face, and what it might do to her if her daddy killed himself. I have 5 kids, 3 step kids and 2 of my own. My wife of 5 years left me for nobody 4 months ago simply because I am an asshole. I got into her email 2 days ago and found her OKcupid dating profile she started last month. I have contemplated suicide many times in my life, and have held a loaded gun to my head, complete with notes to my loved ones on the bed. I have been seriously considering it non stop for 2 days. I love that woman and she can't stand me. She did find some guys she can have the types of conversations with that she was looking for. Hurt my fuckin feelings... I need to sleep for work tomorrow, but now instead of being tired from exercising and cleaning like I was supposed to, I'm depressed and wide awake. I could write a damn book, and I'm on my phone so I'm gonna try not to do that to you or my thumbs. I'm just so lonely. I thought about going to see my kids, but they're 45 minutes away and I would not get ANY sleep to be up in 5 hours. I drive regional so that's a bad idea. I just want to talk.. I just want to be loved.. I just want to make love to my wife. She's beautiful, and now all these thirsty betas online are giving her all the validation she needs, so she's not missing me any. I'm a beta. I'm an Alpha. I would kill for my family. But I'm an over-thinker. I could only kill under very specific circumstances, someone's life would have to be immediately threatened. Sometimes I wonder if I could act quick enough in a life or death situation or if I would just over analyze it til everyone was dead. So, to combat this, I go over situations in my head and decide ahead of time what situations require analyzing, and what situations I would need to act quickly. I'm a mess. 28, needy, horny, lonely, pathetic, self conscious, and duty-bound. 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suicidewatch,re4lhorrorshow,2019/03/12,"i (29f) feel like I missed my entire life. I have always been so afraid to do anything that I never did anything. I work a boring day job, I have no friends, I have never dated anyone. My life is so meaningless and void of anything that I cannot see anything positive come to fruition from it. My days are going to work, and coming home. It is all so lonely and depressing, people my age are now 'settling down' and I have never even lived. It all feels so hopeless, it's too late to start over. I feel like there is no way out of this. I'm sorry to post here but it is all so much and I cannot imagine any future for myself. I ruined my life by inaction.",1.1665300393037654,3.0226285839416067,2.990072992700732,92.39539584503088,80.67883211678833,5.38326782706345,20.02751263335205,6.297961479604792,0.05717675463222883,504,13,110,4,13,168,81,137,0.185,0.774,0.041,-0.9384,1,2,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,1,1,0,15,3,0,1,6,20,25,11,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,2,4,18,3,13,23,4,19,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,13,80,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339659283747942,0.0,0.0,0.10084836031881192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369406258112553,0.0,0.4881495462640905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25549280023485943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128108757338788,0.0,0.12772965431112213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795004708353194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495319032431893,0.2118895757665756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145753883230316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428170158508827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487559220802053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471638088192812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728765668650536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142437678273365,0.1449027362972125,0.0,0.13095067543988462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901677978046599,0.0,0.3431318400794929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281180806643124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202938489511507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181750498496104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600851489044394,0.1049667485796104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177127908421951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592677996433926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,latte_no_,2019/03/12,"I can ok only die slowly I may be olwr? 21/M. My life is repetitive. I work, quot, homeless and 'experience life' and hitchhike  and do normal shit. Then I get a good paying job again. I'm wLzysb the same.

I wknt kill myself today, bit u will keep drinking until I destroy my liver,Igot to the gym and have list weight, and what kot6l..... I'm still sad. Idk. I'm lonely die9to my dumb rules.  My liver will kill me. ",-1.252784313725492,0.6295979176470611,1.4741176470588258,94.58686274509806,105.11764705882356,3.207843137254902,12.725490196078432,5.2151,-1.09576862745098,313,6,66,2,15,107,63,85,0.334,0.613,0.052000000000000005,-0.981,1,2,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,5,0,3,1,8,6,2,0,0,9,13,7,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,12,2,2,9,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,35,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24430609556203986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224478672860224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192158807364154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889645953292705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691404032956995,0.0,0.0,0.18769319967560505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206375165182984,0.1989029288731688,0.4951513174237907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31612006863561665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192535611077782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019219223493925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229703469778924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870828620808146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121140564925214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724996197179105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629120339629931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notdumbjustditzy,2019/03/12,"Not if, but when... I literally don't know how much longer I can take it. I have people who love me, but no real support system... No one I can talk to without feeling even less understood and like even more of a burden. And my loved ones look like less of a reason to stay every day. I can't contribute to the household and I can barely even bathe. I'm just making life worse for everyone.
My boyfriend calls me angry. Apparently that's how it looks when I'm hurting so badly- I look angry. I wonder if that's how it'll look to the world when they find me... Like I was just so angry I ended it all. And they can go on thinking that if it makes it easier. My feelings never mattered anyway.

Anyway, I hope everyone reading this is having a better day/week/life than I am and I hope you all find the understanding and support you need <3",1.510393296853625,3.5977945058139547,3.4489056087551297,88.3562859097127,80.68604651162791,5.907523939808482,20.582763337893297,7.048011613610866,0.5074264021887824,653,18,135,8,17,220,99,172,0.184,0.61,0.206,0.6704,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,2,1,15,13,0,0,6,0,12,3,0,6,3,38,36,19,0,6,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,10,2,0,1,7,3,0,2,2,6,23,10,10,33,6,11,0,1,4,2,9,2,0,6,9,99,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056607578331929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119197949293504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292177781542825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322360870263972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120823369438208,0.0,0.0,0.2507476357499317,0.0,0.10662059776158864,0.24184055795292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797108164991233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132179547889725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191909903293031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513777807638024,0.0,0.0,0.1354702816594618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954646011396917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938329528163343,0.18547218517024372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250676120216764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284257003348637,0.0,0.16894108900572016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930259882492651,0.0938323742414393,0.09760019997980526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150190622606387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877311737544762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658040527174722,0.1440372346553731,0.0,0.13011052879917107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488136914678436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872061656461187,0.0,0.0,0.095146963518951,0.1017130099918735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108566967159983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173901553709202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150769647238092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198598251036565,0.1372339125129168,0.0,0.0,0.1289613482661307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MetaphoricalCliff,2019/03/12,"Any suggestions on how to kill myself? I'm  in LA, if that helps .",-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,96.85714285714286,5.6571428571428575,14.142857142857142,7.1686216300943375,-0.1988857142857139,49,1,12,1,2,17,14,14,0.257,0.601,0.142,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653258132442859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586505237850744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7570413360974558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoliathLeroy,2019/03/12,I need resources. (Is this allowed?) I need more mental health care than I currently am getting. I see a therapist once a week but I feel like it is not enough. But I am in the US and cannot afford more substantial care. I dont know what to do. Even normal life activities really get to me and I feel like I am barely functional and almost unable to do my job. I am in PA- is disability or something like that an option for mental health issues? It's been several years and recently its gotten a lot worse. I just need a break from everything but not in an inpatient setting. Unless maybe my cat could come. But I don't even want to think about trying to afford a mental hospital stay.,1.5321739130434793,3.906084681159424,3.6458260869565216,85.31004347826091,82.6231884057971,7.1582608695652175,20.79420289855072,8.238735603445708,1.314182028985507,538,16,107,12,15,183,86,138,0.058,0.815,0.127,0.8845,5,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,0,14,3,0,1,0,28,29,10,0,6,9,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,16,5,13,26,4,11,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,4,7,75,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359102920596757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27676403383306863,0.0,0.0,0.11691619650455527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083664129650073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907022239932245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024155832241872,0.0,0.17929189303059131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198205414700908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372545991125545,0.19392580342631305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182278829836115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885414375832434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166300298178525,0.13468741799735712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459162944917283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586750540096013,0.19892705518980602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538965363158506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363553194646934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103405865580061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019180132942971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298296463365664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454408862886664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694974851772783,0.0,0.1340133552253427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815629510852674,0.0,0.0,0.15333209533312278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448874305672172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466618560465255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758870494997093,0.0,0.08696793792049717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214925397384044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632620372514451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005489313669217,0.0,0.10887145757093827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831670350107114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740329253312015
suicidewatch,amolynouse2169420,2019/03/12,"Been on the brink twice this week I have had an awful month to say the least. I'm at university and I've found it very difficult making friends so far. I have been lucky enough to make a group of about four friends, but I royally screwed that up. I was romantically interested in one of them (Liz), and they outright rejected me on Saturday night, and made out with someone else in front of me. I felt so disrespected and worthless. 
Upon getting home, I attempted suicide. I barely stopped myself in time, and I was a complete emotional wreck. I messaged one of my other friends (Amy) and told her that I had tried to kill myself, and she immediately came over to talk. I felt blessed that someone cared enough to talk to me about things, and I opened up about as much as I felt comfortable talking about, including the fact that Liz had got with someone else in front of me. I made it apparent that I was deeply upset by it, but I was respectful and I didn't speak ill of Liz. Amy seemed understanding and it helped so much to hug it out and get everything off my chest.
Much to my surprise the following day, the girl I confided in at an incredibly vulnerable time had told all of our friends about what I'd said to her, and made it seem as though I had been talking shit about Liz. All of them now despise me and don't wish to hear from me again. I've lost the only friends I have been able to make in six months.
I again attempted suicide last night, and I'm still in the mindset of wanting to do so now. I was barely surviving even while I had a group of friends, and now I've lost them, my mental health will suffer even further. 
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suicidewatch,SgtLuftwaffel,2019/03/12,"[Serious] Starting to lose it and doubting my own sanity. Well, where do we start off?
First of all, the things you need to know.
I am a white, 19 something, studying in the second semester of social sciences, far away from home, but still the same country — European, not American.

Oh and of course suffering depression and anxiety due to a moderate amount of parental abuse (they are nice now, but they used to be worse)

And about seven years of bullying.

Now for the context. 
I used to live in a 5 people shared apartment the door over, but there I clashed with a rather strict and self-proclaimed ""bitchy if people don't immediately clean the kitchen if they cooked (I mean I support that as well, but she'd fill up a used pan and place it in your room if you left it there, when you told her ""that you were in a hurry and didn't want to be late for class"" she'd reply with ""eat earlier"")

I am having been fed up with that and getting the opportunity to move into a room the shared flat opposite of my former one.

Let's say my current one is Flat A, and the former one is Flat B.

Same rent, bigger room and bigger bathroom. Hooray!
I get along, sorta with my roommates, but I tend to clash with one who studies engineering. Our universities are somewhat renowned for disliking each other so that usually means I get a quip from time to time about mine.
No biggie, it is natural for people to measure d**** from time to time.

Now. He drinks. Like, not enough to be an alcoholic and usually in the company, but enough to have quite a lot of late evenings and nights.

On Monday, I wrote an exam that was pretty important to me (I can repeat it, and it is not degree ending failing it)

I studied quite hard for it and got mad at said drinking roommate (Let's call him D)

For drinking with two other people until late at night on the weekend.

2 am alright, provided they are quiet. I still didn't manage to fall asleep and around 2:30 I asked them to please be quiet.
Even with Earplugs, they are too loud.
He invites me to sit with them and drink, I know his two drinking companions (one is an inhabitant of Flat B) but turn their invitation down because I had the exam upcoming and fasting on alcohol at the moment to lose some weight.

At 3, I asked once again for them to shut up. They did not.

At 3:30 I finally snapped and reminded him that the contract of our landlord did also include weekends concerning disturbance of the peace. They finally left, and I could sleep.

So far so good.

Over the time before and after my roommate and I often clashed about things.
It usually either was him being too loud or because he keeps telling me to ""go grab a beer and sit with (insert people he invited over I barely know), even though I repeatedly told him I do not drink.

Now today, I snapped at him and shouted at him after I got my (failed) exam grade that I just ""fucking don't want to drink beer and I do not get why he has to be like that""

After I went shopping and returned to him, telling him the level of my voice was too loud, he told me ""Do you understand what 'fun' means, do you have to take yourself so seriously all this time?""

Which reminded me quite a lot about the rhetoric some of my school bullies had, trying to make themselves appear normal and me as the crazy one.

I don't really remember if I replied something, I just know that our third roommate deescalated the situation and I went to bed to cry for like half an hour out of frustration that my life just in general sucks and that no matter what I do it appears like I am the only one at fault and in need of change.

He is aware of my depression, and so far has not said anything about it at all, which I appreciated because I made it clear that it is not something to be joked about.

I also happened to have noticed that he appears to be telling people about me and a friend of mine (who also lives in Flat B) even approached me and wants to talk to me about some things he noticed. (Weight gain, my fucked up sleep cycle (I know it myself, hence why I try to go to bed early))

I use the term friend very liberally here since he seems to be NOW wanting to talk to me after the clashes with my roommate accumulated.

If I am being frank here, I think they try to get me back to drinking with them so that they can party at Flat A again, since the Flat B girl does not hesitate to call the police if people are too loud.

And I seriously start to lose my mind here.
Whatever I do, something is wrong. He insists on doing what he wants to do. Additionally, I am not doing well academically and it's eating my confidence. I've already received to failing grades this semester.

(there was a situation where I wanted to take a nap and he listened to music aloud on our shared balcony, I asked him to turn it down and he said it is his damn right to listen to music outside. It is, but the balcony is big enough for him not to do it directly in front of my room. To paraphrase him ""Don't be annoying"")

There is also the issue of him quite often inviting friends of his here to host a BBQ or celebrate someone else's birthday. Unannounced.
I have nothing against people coming over, but it is nice to be able to plan accordingly and not come home to a couple of drunk people hearing techno music after a long day at university.

I can't move out without an advanced three months notice and it is quite possible that our fifth roommate soon moves out, my annoying roommates best friend (I.E he sits the most at our tables and drinks a gallon of beer)

When I was crying in my bed today I seriously considered starting to cut myself just because I needed to do SOMETHING to relief myself. But then I decided against it because of the support my parents gave me when I called them in frustration about my bad grades.

I don't want to move out again. It would feel to me like giving up again. I don't want to drink just to endure him. Have I mentioned that when I drink I usually either end up hurting people by being quite blunt to them or hurting myself somehow?

tl;dr

Roommate is partying quite a lot and in general, being pretty loud and his taste of humour generally consists of teasing and mocking someone into acting more to his liking. He does as he pleases.

After having received a bad grade in addition to another failed grade I seriously start doubting my sanity if I am actually going crazy. Too many times I've basically been told by the roommate in a way or another ""agree more to his way of living.""






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suicidewatch,zeldzame_zeeslak,2019/03/12,"I'm done I have been depressed my whole life now. And I just can't go on any longer. I have been to shrinks for this, And after many sessions we came to the conclusion it was handed down to me via genes. Witch means I will suffer from it the rest of my life. And I just can't handle that. I'm 18 years old and have been depressed most of the time. I can't remember when I was happy for the last time. I can't enjoy things. Feel so empty inside. Nothing to look forward too. I feel like I can't control my own life since everything is going wrong. I tried getting my self out of this mind set multiple times. But for every step forward I take life just gives me a sucker punch. I lost the love of my life because I just couldn't get my self to be happy, and ended up dragging her with me in my feelings. 
And I just have had enough of life. What makes life worth it if I'm gonna be depressed 90% of the time. If I am not able to enjoy the small things. What makes it worth it when I hate myself so much that I can't look at myself in the mirror. Why would I keep on living if I can't think of one thing that makes me just a tiny bit happy. I have nobody I can talk to about this. 
So some may call it selfish but isn't it better to just kill my self. And be done with al this. I have no future why wait to see myself slowly become more and more depressed as everything in life is going wrong. ",1.9505546728296999,2.957376186046517,3.274045933843709,94.89858298425536,76.17607973421927,5.899234435938178,19.731474794164374,5.7926816847441245,-0.28476784630940305,1076,20,256,5,23,351,147,301,0.154,0.7979999999999999,0.048,-0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,4,15,21,3,0,10,0,33,10,1,4,0,45,61,19,1,5,13,0,4,1,0,4,8,0,0,3,19,13,0,3,7,0,2,7,11,13,0,1,10,7,40,8,34,43,10,31,0,6,3,1,9,12,0,6,16,175,59,1,0.0863199794834955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870054608700066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052619858300055763,0.0953336355231622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634300713442434,0.09423906091729954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814235020493089,0.09872706062419802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681519692757684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29738908737291875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667061733673287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764538806950683,0.08919161359144133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272830566503251,0.0,0.15515766323071567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093792575611488,0.061667010590556626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019725310871783,0.08280598988232525,0.14717290075553496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27566766982103186,0.0,0.0852231088594013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672516392841222,0.09550026792952468,0.0,0.0,0.07036230425323864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877628343541286,0.04217158178505541,0.0,0.07622212333926195,0.0,0.14497408504754802,0.0,0.09422845445581277,0.0,0.07790715164086298,0.0,0.17285776977257686,0.08751491073975214,0.0,0.09402776322664076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715857221824046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634551170245049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282634837713466,0.0,0.09057829788445057,0.0,0.05849265207664441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778370968045744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687858477629275,0.0,0.27015169286788165,0.0,0.0,0.07140477903480275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490188191759448,0.06938072976612486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204147634505898,0.05531035740501646,0.0,0.0,0.201335496814852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058605599877026626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557807105398447,0.09637317442913856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061319236783872924,0.1887546936556128,0.0,0.05558723667567495
suicidewatch,lxghtworks,2019/03/12,"I think tonight's the night I really just don't know what to do anymore. I feel myself getting worse and worse with my anxiety and depression every day. I guess I'm giving up. I don't really want sympathy, I just want to say how I feel before I do it I guess. I don't really feel anything at all anymore. I guess that's better than just constant sadness, though. Anyways, I guess this is goodbye.",1.7747222222222234,3.925310469135809,3.800725308641976,85.84701388888892,80.1111111111111,7.0129629629629635,24.939814814814817,8.07648339933343,1.6697518518518517,312,12,62,6,8,106,48,81,0.253,0.68,0.068,-0.908,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,19,20,4,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,14,1,6,20,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393846858912345,0.0,0.295416337138912,0.0,0.0,0.1225646888058307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126736721174198,0.0,0.0,0.1317250678470682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609509120318091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960537898777015,0.0,0.12828155184599546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125488127304968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592517378322244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778148499209929,0.14287653898918146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6562955177903638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818533681447408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976982605776786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862437713750654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844283342435412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543455065887907,0.14633250643306486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569699678355033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035645724820853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2weak2stupid2live,2019/03/12,I wish they would find me dead in my apartment already There isn't a better life for me besides sitting in my room all day. I truly wish i lived a normie life. A job that is okay. A special woman. But im too small and panicky. When i go outside im just mauled by like 15 couples who are good looking and have a connection to the world. That makes me pathetic because i guess i don't have the mental capacity to be with a woman or have any normalcy. I wish i could hang myself. ,1.5288338833883373,3.2191866138613885,3.5074587458745903,89.90385038503851,78.9009900990099,6.073047304730473,25.083608360836077,6.937597516519254,0.9430387238723874,372,14,81,4,9,126,70,101,0.123,0.677,0.2,0.7264,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,8,1,10,2,0,1,1,15,17,5,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,15,5,7,14,1,11,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,2,3,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968528790559594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130828419513405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874216937454392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776751364540995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424263382024215,0.19738020689084773,0.0,0.11504391573225442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630411516914199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101380613190061,0.14962132737703135,0.0,0.0,0.1965117835024086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853739882889729,0.0,0.1770201229554116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25199796455879114,0.08715016416640685,0.0,0.15751769985736766,0.0,0.14979892592321267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190737330326838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977066743660566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6154037016793263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671996937442545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SodaAnSumWii,2019/03/12,"My life is spiraling out of control My life is spiraling out of control. I have no one I can talk too because if I do talk the spotlight gets thrown on me about how I just need to toughen up. I’m planning on buying a gun this Friday once my paycheck comes and driving as far as I can before finding some remote forest to off myself. I’ll be leaving behind my family and friends but honestly the guilt of knowing I’ll hurt people dosent out way the feelings I have about not wanting to live any longer. I don’t know why I’m making this post (maybe for attention, maybe in the hopes of seeing a message that’ll change my mind, idk) but I need to get this off my chest to someone, anyone... ",6.713130699088148,5.290603312056742,7.0784802431610965,80.19000000000003,65.52482269503545,9.475582573454911,34.32725430597771,7.957251820313856,2.4677084093211747,541,20,110,5,7,177,91,141,0.076,0.846,0.078,0.0644,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,6,0,10,3,1,4,0,26,24,8,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,16,3,24,22,1,14,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,3,0,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129203506489026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161066959329209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122312732033846,0.0,0.1412971413823044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756599038935254,0.14303820359391953,0.0,0.0,0.3724805547465097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565380720863499,0.0,0.0839603574142033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176757417144762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829056401383568,0.0,0.1735095519130059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492607585092292,0.0,0.0,0.1777609928819257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251453602730366,0.0,0.0,0.17582399656461295,0.0,0.0,0.2345734152419069,0.0,0.0,0.14662604470351598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084030885719026,0.0,0.33364102715990834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766413931404522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24624937374169406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768388589068395,0.11252043163430872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151188316895568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903092419255396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232112078752692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069444418582178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26693095228981306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794116166556527,0.13180352735276074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983516875995448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darude_Dank,2019/03/12,"I feel my suicide is inevitable. Its only a matter of time. Im here because I do not know what else to do. Ive seen many people the past few years of my life and nothing is changing. Im 21, in school, no discernable skills, lazy, all of the above. Stress and failure in school keeps happening further making my parents disappointed. I really cannot fathom life being any better. Why keep pushing forward while everyone tells you ""its fine"" and ""get over it"". My suicide is inevitable and kts only a matyer of time before I snap. My life is meaningless to me and society. The only thing keeping me alove right this second is my vivid imagination of my father finding me dead. ",3.3326744186046504,5.649998488372095,4.518779069767444,81.81212209302328,75.74418604651162,6.78062015503876,27.02906976744186,7.793537801064563,1.851004651162791,531,21,94,8,12,174,86,129,0.211,0.7490000000000001,0.041,-0.9783,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,5,0,10,3,0,1,1,17,19,6,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,3,16,2,10,17,2,12,0,1,2,0,4,6,0,0,6,58,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700937689921177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696034375298008,0.0,0.12138775308762642,0.0,0.0,0.12616556482704772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090865131892794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916882346301605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363116802147433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212997400540869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038285587381965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745306466921856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614815560148193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30818085281744506,0.0,0.0,0.3803913681222173,0.0,0.0,0.07839871782770425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022814849445201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522242213880967,0.1446284153416686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688002893523718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254835975253508,0.0,0.0,0.1584000014607784,0.0,0.13617905486959486,0.0988980822977782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138758396310626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182544154308805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28874622864827865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340927931561913,0.0,0.0,0.31207988891482585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468558179484553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477274933875844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636498632188448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872273487872568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186427644921713
suicidewatch,VizehPlays,2019/03/12,"I just want to dissapear I've lost too many friends from travelling and moving to different places. I'm sitting here during my exam months in school stressing and I cant even revise. My parents are driving me crazy, limiting me for no reason whatsoever. I don't have any friends and I sit in my room all day, I had musicians to look up to and to help me but even they're gone now. I'm 16 and I may have my life ahead of me, but I cant see it being a good life. I don't see any meaning in life, or any point even for those tiny bits of happiness its not enough. I don't know why I continue, and Im a huge mess and a failure to everyone and everything I'm involved in.",2.0844263322883982,3.081556627586206,4.199184952978058,88.43476489028215,75.82758620689657,8.031347962382446,26.285266457680247,8.575989854853784,1.6116896551724134,521,19,122,10,11,180,88,145,0.102,0.765,0.133,0.6597,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,0,1,3,0,11,3,0,1,1,20,22,11,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,3,8,0,1,3,1,0,4,7,3,0,0,3,3,18,4,17,17,3,20,0,1,3,0,5,9,0,2,5,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209660776104485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717618418488962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014637888102557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437467010430756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256227172493767,0.0,0.31174173099863023,0.0,0.0,0.15033400800856475,0.14139660218423447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431030302292883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195957966021282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674789846367618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545389590353572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994164668264833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646356244163249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33337705988877725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321162139443299,0.0,0.1717425103175467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950628233756295,0.0,0.17137672680028782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557801087902645,0.1672151681801749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469454598935946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437467010430756,0.0,0.14872617089870216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175977630932362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592247186069026,0.2507406969020285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802191262451408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279635399571448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196439091394664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BuggyGamer2511,2019/03/12,"Sitting here with a Knife... I dont know why, but I, a 16 Year Old Idiot, want to die right now, i'm sitting im my Bed (22:41 Here in Germany) with a Knife in one Hand, wanting to ram it through my Throat... fuck me",-1.1262500000000024,0.4716972083333353,1.1831666666666685,103.67850000000004,87.33333333333334,3.84,20.016666666666666,3.1291,-0.8482133333333333,158,5,43,0,5,53,36,48,0.258,0.639,0.102,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,6,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,5,0,7,6,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335021670510937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766103228238377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970754158148403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471044030753531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660110876244495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371942768090965,0.0,0.21774959318391088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27442423356037404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790715659169895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899610903392102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069336530763844
suicidewatch,EatDeGrassByson,2019/03/12,"I’ve been a NEET for 3 years. I’ve been a recluse since I graduated high school 3 years ago due to my crippling social anxiety and depression. These 3 years have literally flown by I don’t even know where my life is going. My plan is to attend community college next fall and maybe look for a part time job but it just seems impossible. I can’t even bring myself to do laundry or clean my room at all. How could I possibly rebuild my life? I’m so far behind. I have no skills or redeeming qualities at all. It’s all too overwhelming. I don’t want to kill myself. I want to live, but it’s just too much. I just need sometime to reassure me and give me some strength. Can someone have faith in me for once? Tell me it’ll all be ok",0.9290931372549024,3.0488590130718976,2.870093954248368,91.51729779411768,83.05228758169935,6.700816993464053,21.98080065359477,7.8658589789855275,0.947248692810458,571,19,130,11,16,191,95,153,0.085,0.779,0.136,0.7691,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,1,1,3,1,15,2,0,1,4,22,25,9,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,2,1,19,4,14,20,7,18,1,2,1,0,4,7,0,4,7,80,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881345395019658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705598089683815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304371232329005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430919984209665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23666537690831896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186543263911225,0.10182006678924273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929109388958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777874504326533,0.0,0.19821265210624886,0.0,0.09846098336851238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25309029778727754,0.0,0.0,0.15820049036295847,0.0,0.15044825793136596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998908109615314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317023219706699,0.1328439696926956,0.0,0.0,0.19053740140364955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079825996027286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940115063219381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201974612092117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131825624457,0.0,0.16309943002431698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820199913987162,0.0,0.0,0.18262982031041167,0.15180065797005818,0.0,0.1771926204141959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565926756911488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446892886272044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134498763218248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461171526620485
suicidewatch,gulpy,2019/03/12,"Trapped in a hell of my own creation (a bit ranty) Once again whatever is wrong with my mind or mindset took over and caused me to miss a couple days of work. Of course I had to make up a lie because I cant tell them ""I couldn't go to work because i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself and sobbing into the cushions of the couch/drinking is the only way to numb myself to get thru it."" 

I mean, is it really that bad that I just dont want to be in pain? Is it really that selfish? I had one serious attempt about 6 months ago and look at the scar every day, wondering how and why I fucking survived. Cursing whatever black serendipity let me keep going. Once again, for the nth time in 15 years of dealing with this im on the come up from the crash. Not so much a recovery come up as a numb enough to move again come up. Numb enough to put the mask back on and get in line like a good little citizen.

 I dont know how many more times I can do this. God, allah, krishna, bob ross, little alien guy controlling this simulation- if you could please just turn it off already Id really appreciate it.",2.6278070175438586,3.9901658157894735,3.892982456140352,89.71254385964914,75.05263157894737,7.347368421052632,24.947368421052627,7.984000788550335,1.2139631578947372,858,28,190,13,18,281,141,228,0.17600000000000002,0.74,0.084,-0.9694,0,1,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,1,5,11,15,3,0,15,0,16,5,0,5,0,32,35,11,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,11,11,0,3,4,0,0,8,6,13,0,1,3,2,18,2,35,27,6,37,3,2,2,1,6,16,3,3,13,118,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144892779855058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629332726048834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800143610976678,0.09555711536792323,0.13952968785313755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494471838353167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756693494117107,0.0,0.29575369424280296,0.0,0.0,0.1283602297987424,0.09137532672813033,0.12663164076214756,0.0,0.14761560987656586,0.11798816576580827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682582757288088,0.11211290664196227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365053499871983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642517212478703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580291348676724,0.11958597930561612,0.0,0.13008389840050694,0.0959913583900618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331892337378716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362065379501863,0.0,0.0,0.10172431586917463,0.12661686105379974,0.0,0.06289619011660652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170281591925989,0.0,0.055912233829937985,0.22940868157394356,0.0,0.0,0.09610529886896882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639318259475311,0.1160296566020957,0.0,0.12466457413975975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555721326717587,0.0,0.09134921374589854,0.12163733150990955,0.08413052559573407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437611980263193,0.07755115416139123,0.08704087174308907,0.12177795772183905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562666447912915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504922108539085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199499308600819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095681465664025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003031012067183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333198105323713,0.0,0.0,0.13346804767195136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715303276855422,0.0,0.12448371412224972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750285274195532,0.09084141893419864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326915834331253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241111371838814,0.16663520538009266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512806161696918,0.0,0.07369907514524024
suicidewatch,taynayakutska,2019/03/12,"Tonight im ending my life. Tonight I'm ending my life and starting a new one. No more running from my problems. No more blaming the world. I am no longer letting my mental illness dictate my life. I REFUSE TO LET IT WIN.

So tonight I'm ending my life. And tomorrow I'm  looking forward to a new chapter.

How can a man be brave when he is afraid?

That is the only time a man can be brave.

Time for an ego death.",-0.3678683385579973,1.8149757241379303,1.600292580982238,97.67623824451412,90.60919540229885,3.6234064785788926,24.001044932079417,4.851557810540192,0.08831954022988553,316,14,71,1,11,104,52,87,0.224,0.662,0.114,-0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,7,0,9,5,0,1,0,5,14,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,8,3,4,10,2,16,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,14,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879074935441531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834478326786534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37553473725809744,0.5187945547261716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419741030221892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504919976018694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546892502855792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442796888794468,0.1396538710267259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570279610006584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299695884987312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414456384103872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dampmaky,2019/03/12,"I feel like shit Very very very shit
I don't know what to do it's just so much. Stress from life and I don't know what to do and I'm stuck please help me please please",-3.5047500000000014,-2.461747975,-1.84,117.16000000000004,116.25,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-3.309,131,0,40,0,8,40,24,40,0.254,0.496,0.25,-0.2911,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,6,9,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987831155430744,0.13956978615292745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094997128840946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473651442109976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799305704989145,0.09544614851773288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436167738407505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6433608776282902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010815782315665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237915366257432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835931899403911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pretotoso,2019/03/12,"Being alive just feels like a lot of work First of all: sorry for the bad english. 
I spend the last five years feeling worthless, alone and terrible for most of the time. I started therapy last year and I'm feeling way better, but its just that I can't really enjoy anything but getting drunk. I have a nice family, good friends, I'm going to therapy and taking my meds I'm in a good college that I could be doing well, if I put some effort, but I don't. I feel tired all the time and I just get out of bed so people won't give me shit about wasting my life. It feels like everybody around me has a bunch of expectations for me and I have to do it all. I can't see a point in spending most of my time doing something I really don't like (college/job) just so I can exit, pay for food, rent and anything to distract myself. I have a pretty good life but it doesn't appeal for me. I just resent existing. I probably won't kill myself even though I want to, so it doesn't hurt my family and friends, but even that isn't enough. My father keeps telling me how selfish I am for not wanting life and my mother is always trying to make me feel guilt because as she says: ""if you are depressed is because you don't think I am a good mom even after all I did for you "". I just wanna stop. I understand that there are people who enjoy life but it isn't for me. Every day I wake thinking:"" shit not this again "". I'm just tired and don't know what to do. 

""Existence was not only absurd, it was plain hard work"" - Bukowski ",1.860775902484761,3.441503310126585,3.5750773558368496,90.27662681669013,77.60759493670886,6.327051101734647,22.14674167838725,7.0931098945946705,0.5935997655883729,1170,33,255,13,27,391,154,316,0.13,0.66,0.21,0.9847,2,1,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,3,0,5,20,26,4,2,11,0,33,11,3,2,4,56,58,23,1,7,18,3,7,3,2,2,6,1,2,0,14,11,2,2,10,1,4,2,15,12,1,2,3,9,42,14,28,50,10,22,0,3,1,0,13,6,2,6,16,178,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745408275893454,0.0,0.0,0.07829461019132952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486439925516682,0.0837645339599473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856542715932745,0.11471892475386705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321941538683959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512723200755503,0.0,0.0,0.06068351582550019,0.0,0.08104391915694048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972253284104881,0.0,0.1864466573577436,0.0,0.07927912858950309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740885693008185,0.0,0.28546367355434804,0.13444302923420245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003719205066137,0.1137800945814572,0.0,0.1453951873385487,0.0,0.09832154842930786,0.09026453538045616,0.053476379048467394,0.3156898174032103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429067273764584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073068530108983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337480704149012,0.08363599401238131,0.10410221924305024,0.0,0.051712172601478736,0.15340003086111365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658484348861544,0.13791024930067686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999623723312488,0.0,0.0,0.06280916914986732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451837605002594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102029723656802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715635171958273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304673046561153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895022599910236,0.0,0.0,0.09572848237524187,0.10145036667895453,0.0,0.0,0.09459150335502722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055938276741247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482815166038995,0.0,0.0,0.0749815635063946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317441057193852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243895804076281,0.0,0.1053316924147768,0.06660095286355204,0.0,0.0,0.07866766584760315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074775900794275,0.0,0.08224321143696511,0.0,0.21521175497501094,0.0,0.0,0.12058460311834117,0.09244789800821226,0.0,0.16460272168787582,0.2162968106355224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388435487710854,0.0,0.0,0.09795625397236607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109993837659346,0.07468826214400871,0.0,0.0,0.08460274036353581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700461802412156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118824009576235
suicidewatch,Allehellriot,2019/03/12,"Broke up with my long term boyfriend Hello reddit, today i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years because of some issues we had in the past and that they were repeated.

I'm really lost at this point and i feel the need to just take a handful of medicine and just go to sleep. Things really dont make sense for me anymore, and life is hard without him by my side.

I'm at a point when i feel like giving up and just killing myself.",3.654,4.1781544,4.157777777777781,91.97000000000004,71.66666666666666,7.333333333333332,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.7773333333333334,336,9,77,3,6,106,63,90,0.151,0.797,0.053,-0.8439,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,4,0,4,3,2,1,0,17,14,6,1,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,4,11,1,16,11,2,17,0,3,0,0,5,9,0,1,8,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081222821202599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792720415778028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459514654852125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222054817760733,0.14992226335223285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131446787176324,0.1192668720497492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799112915398872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903674152752375,0.0,0.0,0.23217626704498506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482285816297325,0.10252579020471428,0.0,0.0,0.18571731268219,0.0,0.0,0.2290842871887415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008153270360535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560670146401231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033276091688884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39676640085956827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688802184210303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100090893841575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577867475611856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942001986207658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892040308176093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229517282001933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514137066325746
suicidewatch,CamilleChristina,2019/03/12,I just can't live life feeling like this I lost my job nov 2018 because my depression was taking me over. And it completely shattered me. Ive been in a state of denial and like a zombie since. Pretending everything's ok and been lying to everyone saying i got another job ( i feel emmense guilt for that.) And I have barely left my room in like 4 months. So i havent paid rent this month yet. And now my landlord told me sunday that I have to move out. I have relatives here. But You know i fucking did this to myself. I hate what ive become. I CANT bare to tell them what ive done. Im a piece of shit. I have not told a single person as im too ashamed of myself. People reading this are probably thinking oh this person is a lazy piece of shit just get a job. But truth is I completely have given up. I have no fight left. I dont see happiness in the future. It seems impossible. Im ready to just die. Theres no purpose here for me. ,0.2924242424242429,2.4117816767676783,2.580606060606062,92.59090909090912,85.76767676767676,5.822222222222222,19.60606060606061,7.1686216300943375,0.4049515151515153,724,21,162,11,22,246,117,198,0.228,0.6940000000000001,0.078,-0.9844,4,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,1,1,10,15,5,2,7,1,21,4,2,0,1,18,37,9,1,0,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,3,2,11,6,0,0,5,2,2,1,7,9,0,0,11,4,30,6,18,26,3,17,0,2,1,1,9,9,3,1,9,107,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603289294102735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732685677994462,0.13274378083775834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204025269490243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352209800123614,0.0,0.12474141005364565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299922047198585,0.14086535966228628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148496102089993,0.10802176341105127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154643513829187,0.08586593906579516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111653812833824,0.06279590793494115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612936207471312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794773689952602,0.0,0.11866575341078048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894873582828781,0.0,0.3578191686415197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660549570602629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611802014059279,0.0,0.08489590587439791,0.1761607594005027,0.0,0.1061326653495482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120491249831867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187389189352266,0.1277461909046637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332672727988903,0.20989587071387994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958843687288127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022557612844605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558233770059307,0.0,0.0,0.09577829954846337,0.1094192387505137,0.0,0.0,0.2467528775827553,0.09942493315133794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037021552727904,0.0,0.10505402358228334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701485337403037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296992204179986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mommyslittlemanlet,2019/03/12,"Think I’m able to do it now. Wasn’t able to do it for years and years. Last time I got this close was back in 2015 when i had a whole box of pills I was gonna take, and I just couldn’t do it. Well last week I stayed up late getting drunk and I had a box just sitting there, put them all in a cup and I realised there was nothing stopping me this time. Last time I was too scared... what if it doesn’t work? What if it gets better? What will I be missing out on? Well this time, the fear is gone. Only thing that stopped me was the realisation that I can go out and get more, and really cut out any chance of making it out alive. So I went to the pharmacy and used an old prescription to pick up some new pills, added them to the collection. It’s enough to kill me now for sure. This is gonna be a lame comparison, but you know that episode of family guy where brian talks about having a gun in a safe, just in case it ever gets too much?.That’s where it feels like I am, right now. I know next time things really go to shit i’m just gonna do it, and now that I know that things can actually end I feel like I’m really living and like my life really matters -living is a choice now, so continuing on feels so much more meaningful now that I know I’m not more or less forced to do it anymore. 

All the same, how long is it gonna be until my next meltdown when all it takes is a particularly shitty day to push me over the edge? And all the same again, what does it matter when I’ve got nothing to lose, anyway? What have I gained in the past four years, after I realised I was too chicken to do it back in 2015? I don’t know. What am I losing if I try to call it quits? I don’t know again. Part of me really want this to end, part of me wants to keep trying. How do I pick who’s rational? Can I know? I feel like it’s a leap of faith either way. I do it, and lose the chance that things could get better. Or I don’t, and run the risk that things will never get better. But I feel like I’m on a time limit of all of a week before I have another bad night, and get drunk enough to really want to go for it again. I don’t know what to do. I think I’m just gonna try and wait it out and try and go on living with this new respect I have for living, and hope for the best one way or another.",1.7347599678886785,2.430422914851486,3.425646240299706,94.81211667112656,76.2871287128713,6.964409954508965,19.39122290607439,7.222845823187471,-0.03397564891624283,1752,29,450,19,37,586,192,505,0.085,0.762,0.153,0.9856,0,0,0,1,0,1,53.0,0,1,2,11,37,28,3,3,23,0,44,6,1,6,8,86,96,34,1,9,15,0,5,5,0,7,3,0,0,1,47,24,2,6,16,2,0,9,9,12,2,2,13,5,44,16,52,71,20,82,1,5,0,0,7,22,1,8,52,294,91,1,0.1304006078734216,0.0,0.06362609138531518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044338442490653364,0.13673640719373467,0.0,0.0,0.0646611816609196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027001830550517,0.05443953036863868,0.0,0.0,0.05548065642084425,0.0,0.06842369644248923,0.17299311115656613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657680015037902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205713729644624,0.0,0.0,0.04204880215261294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570572253521103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549623362486044,0.13473868621295346,0.0,0.0,0.05897740769860103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146504387308,0.07336846869229109,0.16483616360168168,0.18631644064009167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384512743453843,0.0,0.14821934107530638,0.0,0.10429327843860872,0.0,0.0,0.06455855167452611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475861337042657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057953025911954975,0.07213447607726631,0.0,0.2866590552668827,0.1594408496311903,0.0735487827659523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046052902872563466,0.15926787554457172,0.0,0.2302922516042327,0.057700217250077374,0.0,0.21882738753999031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352170916641188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585945087320898,0.0,0.05028649386723083,0.12594171966177042,0.13868252583602605,0.06118606845488521,0.0,0.12512290017839076,0.0,0.06841675110992458,0.0,0.04418141334464387,0.04958776918208748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121115088044411,0.06224106767575908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554431390117925,0.0,0.06934854890073965,0.0,0.0,0.2506139055063365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055680703313542766,0.0,0.0,0.06527687852563308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692717503748978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949484882005262,0.0,0.10902074713488193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061450514846447674,0.0,0.0980450285649284,0.05240553456071043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658092395559908,0.08355544417951806,0.0,0.0,0.22811292931470656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706690605069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056312128545447,0.0,0.0,0.11537048563049213,0.10350593288123898,0.10459950199264537,0.0,0.11724580696164287,0.060441334963223924,0.0,0.07279381090824871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746659779779752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259605741779233
suicidewatch,timotius_10,2019/03/12,I would've already killed myself if guns were easier to buy in europe I wanna leave home and starve to death on the streets,3.66,5.351617599999997,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,73.0,6.6000000000000005,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.4106000000000001,100,2,20,1,2,31,23,25,0.387,0.526,0.087,-0.8658,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899111294043268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453191972279985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49116616646384403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700801623676061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31537015669787866,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoShown,2019/03/12,"Where do I go from here? I'm not really sad, which is the weirdest part about all of this. When I look at my life, all I can think is 'that's unfortunate,' which is probably the same response my death will garner from most people. I don't want to die because I'm depressed, I want to die because I've failed to find or create the meaning in my life I have desperately needed and wanted for so long. Maybe if I waited long enough, I could find that, and maybe it would be worth it, but it would always be a maybe. Death is final. It's something I can contend with, in this reality, right now. And I know that it will mean the suffering and pain ends, at least for me. It might hurt others, but I would just hope not too much. I never really had close ties to friends or family.

I was doing really great, I thought. I got accepted into one of the best universities in the nation and I'm enrolled in the best program at the school. I never really held much stock in how I looked, but I'd been working out more, sleeping right, eating right. All the cliche bullshit people will tell you makes life better. I even had a girlfriend, and she was and is someone I love - one genuinely good person in my life where so many others are awful or indifferent. I was really, really hopeful that university would be a change from high school. That I could be happy here, find friends for once, and ""live my best life.""

For a while, it looked like that life might still ripen on the vine. First semester came and went. It was a little rocky and not what I had hoped for, but it didn't have to be everything. I'd heard that first semester was usually a pretty big adjustment, especially for students who didn't go to a rigorous high school or whose parents never attended college. I worked hard and did okay that semester. My grades weren't amazing, but I didn't expect them to be, and I took solace in the fact that I felt like they represented my best efforts. What hurt was the rest of it. I tried so hard to make friends here... The first week of school, I probably met more people than anyone save for maybe the class president and a few of the really ambitious political science students. I pulled all-nighters to talk with people and still get work done. In short, everything that could have been done to stack odds in my favor, was. Despite that, none of it played out the way I had hoped it would. My girlfriend left me and seems to be moving on pretty quickly... I was never that close with my family... and I've never been able to find friends. I seem to have developed a sleeping disorder this semester because I can easily sleep 12 hours a day and my grades are deteriorating pretty quickly. But that would all be okay. I've made it through a lot before, tough stuff. But then I had a realization.

There's a certain emotional pain that comes with the knowledge that you don't have any close connections with people, but at least with that, there's still the recognition of hope. That things, no matter how messed up, might get better. The much more intense anguish one can experience is when you realize that that pain will never go away, no matter what you do. That your lack of connection doesn't stem from lack of opportunity or development, but from something within you that has always been emotionally malformed. And I've checked, thoroughly. I've asked people if something is wrong with me that I could fix, very seriously. People who wouldn't have any reason to lie to me or sugarcoat a glaring flaw I have for my sake. They all say that there's nothing particularly wrong with me, and so I don't know where to go or what to work on.

And maybe they're right. Maybe there IS nothing I can do anymore. Maybe I was just born ugly and unlovable in some deeply fundamental way, and that would explain EVERYTHING. Why despite all the effort I made to be a good friend, despite inviting people to do things with me, going to parties, etc. that nobody gives a shit about me. Why I can go weeks without hearing from people, why my own family can forget to call on my birthdays, why nobody was willing to come with me when I had to get surgery a few weeks ago. I don't get it. I'm not an asshole. I have hobbies. I try to take care of myself, and I genuinely care about other people. But the sad realization is that they don't, and probably never will.

Which is why it's all got to end. Because, really, even if I like me, what does it matter if nobody else does? Maybe someone else could find meaning entirely on their own, but if there's anything I've learned, it's to know yourself, and I know that I can't.

I'm not sure when I'm going to do it yet, but I know I will. I have some money saved up, so I think I'll go somewhere or do something I really want to first. Maybe drive north and then just drift away with a tube in the window. I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights. I don't think that would be a bad way to go.",4.521132364896996,5.493910235354574,5.172395269285636,83.84503305671028,69.97636176772868,8.357773312267032,26.752603887039623,8.62455149775513,1.7308514028009998,3861,119,786,62,67,1245,347,973,0.122,0.7090000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.9953,2,0,4,0,0,2,127.0,0,6,5,19,38,56,1,1,43,3,105,15,4,7,17,174,177,65,4,33,34,1,3,3,7,19,9,3,1,1,66,46,1,2,27,1,3,19,29,19,0,7,39,11,91,37,99,104,35,106,0,7,4,1,35,46,1,27,41,549,157,19,0.037247934058660684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033018046131264404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297979501977126,0.0,0.0,0.05065974489194658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036939941767739466,0.02604462155141983,0.0,0.03065187600061225,0.0,0.034821790243352184,0.0,0.0699913203502447,0.0,0.031100469091736638,0.09082397951733977,0.0,0.03169524844394563,0.0,0.15635763511860873,0.06588554150726142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803430524258152,0.042601713600252215,0.07595350243495565,0.0,0.039403375334259715,0.06417159406811232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869722226930573,0.0,0.0,0.024021836023134468,0.0,0.032081591024792,0.0,0.07731494972501718,0.0,0.04268935944089478,0.0,0.0651918362082642,0.07623513749698843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811393549894178,0.0622317387110118,0.08379782476226183,0.06598122760682787,0.038487072882990664,0.04154129252210868,0.04920381830422549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042812411381402,0.036435626827545566,0.1053421117477999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035763857952395235,0.040803291096629696,0.17021968463197112,0.12673229472872335,0.0,0.0,0.14388830728112914,0.0,0.0778420327754647,0.035731612417594545,0.1905197337406268,0.06248359974428585,0.05958115106048705,0.04106597879643212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039651118427963726,0.0667336653534026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198112878150053,0.0,0.0,0.07870897477292628,0.0,0.1849780150483173,0.03668171202283582,0.0,0.0797493675797845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235245220504743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046998934071898,0.0,0.15785590426746268,0.054592377345716335,0.037332215310161385,0.03289060818758389,0.06592649903557182,0.09383665043209756,0.0,0.0,0.031666861537946345,0.03361771474438065,0.07048979164734538,0.049726570438208224,0.037763558841057546,0.3367850060208571,0.12172175938777625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854251538208653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395886591433791,0.08214455200601409,0.02761887113763817,0.2010953210583523,0.0,0.0,0.03495466286980065,0.0,0.07148079462324353,0.0,0.0,0.03966783413141345,0.07572049230677616,0.0,0.11890328403909345,0.0,0.0413594227763368,0.04033588280085334,0.0,0.25823027523996445,0.032523459300230304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368361943501272,0.12047871846400013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147578231125581,0.03829707984696035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723812866736878,0.0,0.029621052186049882,0.0,0.15078759135862804,0.02968178093847298,0.06781824046487421,0.0,0.0,0.03823446904401994,0.0,0.0,0.11182450221352228,0.0,0.06312010730757696,0.11470111763107158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923874476309299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042639973007020035,0.0,0.0,0.03510573703909487,0.0,0.02800581084952369,0.029938478469686086,0.032556336136420116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949174458875338,0.0716009164173951,0.0,0.029570699007967736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041383825268405464,0.050577804414448924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102333701712828,0.030733446517621717,0.10984898284246196,0.08869702892143548,0.08963413782333089,0.0,0.0,0.034529208043461164,0.16805233471206074,0.0,0.0,0.035905679236922325,0.0,0.10846775846183414,0.0,0.0,0.21167890927868496,0.08144953722899398,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hrmko,2019/03/12,"is there anyone in nyc willing to beat me up? (f 20) please. it doesnt need to be bad, i just want to get hurt badly enough to go to a hospital. i need a reason to be somewhere safe.",-1.7065853658536625,0.09488712195122062,1.4226341463414656,99.46809756097562,92.41463414634146,4.255609756097561,15.517073170731704,5.6839178017228535,-0.8744478048780486,136,3,35,1,5,48,32,41,0.215,0.645,0.14,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,8,7,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182434002895095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058884289749845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130204367527542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827487823753658,0.0,0.17216912299883136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32430605916009464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492558388321764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325397365021744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311475198347667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868325133860555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seventhsaturn,2019/03/12,"i want to kill myself classic here but im struggling so much, im on the verge of dropping out of school and the thought of being so weak and useless for failing something that is seen as easy kills me inside lol. planning on kms this month i guess. sorry if this violates any rules just needed to tell someone",1.7626036866359414,4.283264338709682,2.5191244239631345,92.77725806451612,83.03225806451613,4.188018433179724,24.98617511520737,5.288315135182226,0.4783336405529952,247,10,48,1,7,77,50,62,0.35600000000000004,0.5429999999999999,0.101,-0.9755,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,3,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,7,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,4,0,10,4,1,6,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,2,1,30,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443613121727875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25017681013360504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906150327490097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5025061227672454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812694566712696,0.0,0.1669450019200825,0.16839214710548087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298378356885532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242152117807684,0.17483306411257413,0.0,0.25422042269956274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23741475695355246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849585149874274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029243384157445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394976200158432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustABoringLad,2019/03/12,"College Student : Lost, hopeless, seeking something Hello.  I do apologize in advance if my wording is all over the place.  I am trying to convey my thoughts to keyboard.

To give a little info on myself.  I'm a sophomore in college.  I partake in theatre, art, and dance.  I am seen as someone who is very upbeat and happy.  I must be that good of an actor then.  That's besides the point.  In my past, I've been hit with suicidal thoughts that usually never resulted in anything.  The times that did result in something however, those can be seen when looking at the scars that cover my arms and thighs.

The past was the past.  What I solely created an account for was to hopefully reach out and hopefully gain something.  

In recent weeks, I've found myself being hit with suicidal thoughts alongside issues that have resulted in me partaking in unhealthy behaviors.  Not sleeping and eating enough to be clear.  I've always strived to suppress any possible issues I may have and keep this chipper persona going so I can at least function like a normal person in college.  

The kicker here is these suicidal thoughts have gone from being just thoughts to fantasies.  Fantasies on how I could possibly go out to taking steps to lessen the impact.  Nothing would lessen the impact, but I've been telling myself it's the thought that counts.  

Fantasies then turned to doubt, which then turned to rationalizing the actions.  I've hit a point in my time on earth where I am not happy.  I feel those common thoughts that I once believed were over the top descriptions.  Feelings of being a burden or that everything would be a lot better if I just flat out died.  Now I know that isn't true and I can think of a few people it would devastate right off the bat.  My partner, my family, my theatre friends.

I am torn.  I never talk about how I feel or what I'm thinking because I honestly don't think what I feel or think matters.  I don't tell people in my real life what's actually up because I am afraid of the outcome.  The guy they see as this upbeat badass will suddenly become this shaky person who is on the verge of really hurting himself.

Eventually, my thoughts turned to actions.  I recently started physically harming myself to try and subdue these thoughts.

And here I am, on reddit.  I came here because it's anonymous.  But maybe people will on here will get it.  Hopefully I'll get pointed in the right direction by some good samaritan.

​

Thank you for your time and words.",4.236938549255618,6.581942179653684,4.691214232921549,81.49898162812798,73.0909090909091,7.104719670573329,30.748812163446303,8.015777009494485,2.406915679442509,1965,90,337,30,41,622,231,462,0.104,0.795,0.101,-0.7541,1,0,3,0,0,1,54.0,0,2,1,5,13,21,0,3,26,0,42,5,3,5,6,77,88,26,4,11,11,0,4,1,2,8,1,0,0,4,28,16,1,2,20,6,1,9,7,8,0,0,21,8,44,13,55,48,6,67,0,3,4,0,17,38,0,13,21,237,72,5,0.0,0.0,0.06786564645643113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786680516632784,0.0753517102422689,0.08450448629962605,0.04729281646859061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722940568322515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271815068380875,0.07680671524585451,0.0,0.07835312105374126,0.0,0.06150668206250605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954066988854798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055525825936714734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217647336010992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116164364000582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185831978233669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250233924561907,0.0,0.06556060330121459,0.0,0.1406556657328544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762522315070357,0.053730103242619266,0.0,0.07266852562017731,0.06671366355264645,0.0790477709726448,0.11666167768141085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886023875252267,0.0,0.14806336436061632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722089307942707,0.0,0.0,0.07444909587447386,0.0,0.0,0.14517330656278,0.0,0.06181457138083552,0.0,0.0,0.03821997720334358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912151534996057,0.03397605321413612,0.06970211203373197,0.0,0.0,0.05840007677862012,0.0,0.07591631253468975,0.0591244616033763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986705130293955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727440080075806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813909166838515,0.06673006562422464,0.0,0.0,0.07406289168193819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916500614693286,0.14464072457852464,0.12144759077568786,0.07265946448175446,0.0,0.1972268097949188,0.15680251823045566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915715359113222,0.044552149225382934,0.0,0.1373341062389939,0.0,0.0,0.11878167724112222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541816372657125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695949768552997,0.0,0.05892504308385355,0.16061684429437878,0.0,0.0,0.049224133740865685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821201488575266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052288998903788006,0.05589743772439716,0.12157035793002778,0.06402746443924794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782458771467453,0.0,0.4968968871095374,0.12165631328239772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443264377500082,0.22693416121640694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659371963353914,0.057381704100771674,0.0,0.0,0.05578460555405112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820779044793012,0.0,0.08450448629962605,0.0
suicidewatch,Kyle7979,2019/03/12,Crying the day away A good friend passed away 10 years ago on the 14th and I just miss her so much still. I just wish I could go be with her or at least not have to hurt like I am. My life is a mess and I just don’t even know where to begin. I just don’t want to hurt like this anymore. ,-1.3192110874200438,0.23944313432835784,0.4712153518123685,108.73194029850748,87.80597014925371,3.8285714285714287,11.063965884861407,3.1291,-2.204657142857143,218,1,64,0,7,70,48,67,0.097,0.623,0.28,0.9091,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,13,4,0,3,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,9,4,8,11,2,12,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,1,7,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021818585204216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619709387242626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285830594715683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210575293106346,0.0,0.2505385160575829,0.14709469581942686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506467007693361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621639554201055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962485120799844,0.19130523764372245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4883352361011325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534847718529524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110180059482102,0.22285971069527188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676672823691335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821474151489084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345292899487288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26228424663889843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687800361665102
suicidewatch,beeeasy069,2019/03/12,"When reaching out does nothing... I am exhausted by this life. I am constantly trying to be better, to be more, to improve my life - but it’s so tiring and there’s nothing to show for all my hard work. I feel like every step I take is actually a step backwards. I have reached out to all the people around me who care - I try and explain the severity of what I’m dealing with. And all they say is “you have to think positive” or “focus on the good” and my personal favorite “you have such great potential.” I hear the love in their words but nothing is going to make the pain go away. They don’t understand what it’s like to feel as though nothing has a purpose...Why can’t who I am, just be enough?!
I just don’t care anymore. I can’t make myself do anything. Something is seriously wrong and I can’t fix it. I don’t want to want to die but I feel like that’s what I deserve. I’m about to walk out on my job - go buy a gun.... ",0.4836734693877531,2.419547571428573,2.6207755102040835,93.72779591836736,83.48979591836735,5.7567346938775525,22.555102040816326,6.961326702584282,0.5702946938775515,708,25,164,9,20,239,107,196,0.09,0.667,0.243,0.9862,1,0,1,1,0,1,28.0,0,2,3,2,9,13,0,0,8,0,21,6,0,2,3,30,41,13,1,2,6,0,4,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,10,10,0,0,6,1,1,6,6,4,0,0,0,6,25,9,25,38,5,17,0,0,0,1,13,9,0,1,5,110,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.12219725686162045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418520220808235,0.0,0.0,0.10304589658334043,0.1114728955822357,0.0,0.0,0.11764888971883325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074745794285208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25534152483517164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353189992796287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909695555380013,0.0,0.0,0.12995922849144942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958140395486196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293863687826782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055037687827885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994591607147807,0.17891526462440235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134972834912295,0.10502911073494993,0.0,0.13805617000624265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217307512428627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113273376102628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426213844064925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689404704940664,0.1835294019228388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301649389578936,0.0,0.16717146561331014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806102289004837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324356297438628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868122076330121,0.10933781095542312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958045896415793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141463652217709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964009470837028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941503185147613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023631384771712,0.12302861836961032,0.0,0.0,0.14392267614282425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003315565414726,0.0,0.0,0.13035907626382495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771672605674604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299212813585716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116209902504542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690908494299342,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goltoof,2019/03/12,"Are you guys aware of /r/lonely? It attracts many suicidal people. The most concerning part about this subreddit is that not only does it attract suicidal people, but many people there seem to encourage suicidal thoughts.  A lot of the people don't seem to be supportive in ways that are productive.  I just thought I'd bring it to attention.  It doesn't look like the mods are proactive in addressing this.  There should at least be links to suicide prevention resources in the sidebar or a flair system for suicidal people, imho.",6.525924812030077,8.447463547368425,6.222857142857144,74.62,66.15789473684211,10.4812030075188,34.624060150375946,10.608840637214634,4.193827067669173,427,20,69,12,7,133,64,95,0.227,0.65,0.123,-0.9465,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,14,16,2,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,5,12,11,4,7,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,5,1,47,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139706491440185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895439616520488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636268695212051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936567710800547,0.0,0.0,0.1107222307499902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640782997033036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905056210514168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103320335767874,0.0,0.4514472027404939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23712444192842155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7122867785138404,0.14779059089489022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067861227785596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337549966663168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trudavy,2019/03/12,"I posted my attempted attempted suicide But I can't post media here, so I assume I can not link any either. I didn't post it on Reddit ast the time of posting this. ",0.3047142857142866,2.489243400000003,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,86.42857142857143,5.7857142857142865,20.17857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.7468571428571429,129,4,26,2,4,46,28,35,0.14300000000000002,0.857,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653360413587362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9381477412230224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678699231998227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279733392671576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-wemeyeo,2019/03/12,"i just feel so useless everything I do is wrong and it never seems to be enough for literally anyone but im trying so hard, im trying so hard to make other people happy and do what they want but it’s never good enough and I rly just don’t know what to do anymore, if I can’t do anything for others and can do NOTHING for myself, why do anything or try at all",1.966244725738396,2.9408960253164587,4.332341772151898,87.45311181434599,76.08860759493672,6.279324894514768,22.02742616033755,6.42735559955562,0.3992514767932485,282,7,62,2,6,99,48,79,0.14800000000000002,0.772,0.08,-0.5523,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,3,18,16,11,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,6,2,7,15,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785665154819136,0.12539838879824142,0.0,0.2951623510083769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706114077763908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611788308389473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906794690699688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042151253337194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091029428468886,0.3213060361578381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874349949012959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856033093606048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197105475520652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27663544610815083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720811427049529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433146855325553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632639980703292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652793631500504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577911782956548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618260566011286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607965346537012,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ASometimesCutePotato,2019/03/12,"Not a cry for help I don’t know how to start this,but here it goes. Since ever I became agnostic idk how I feel about life anymore it’s kind of pointless and frustrating. Why am I alive? Is it any good to be alive? What is my purpose? I don’t even feel sad when I hear of someone’s death ( somebody I don’t know) even kids all I feel is “wow lucky them”. I’m not depressed, I haven’t considered taking my own life not self harm but I am afraid I might get there. ",-0.2375067506750668,1.7018383366336636,1.543384338433846,100.351098109811,86.42574257425741,4.86084608460846,18.09270927092709,6.11248444174946,-0.4907900990099012,356,9,89,3,11,116,66,101,0.1,0.7290000000000001,0.171,0.6872,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,9,9,1,1,1,0,11,2,0,2,2,16,21,5,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,0,4,14,4,6,19,2,3,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493259302008944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777019121592397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412047812585296,0.0,0.0,0.1891289990630529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290068809204852,0.19862800248988205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330876604304269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472456067157008,0.0,0.0,0.1841782202815458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24748924889188195,0.0,0.14718378854555134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286649061135924,0.24135731700127025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31020000584579144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232945920744236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22907596562533666,0.0,0.0,0.1816437113610173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605440588356725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554240180233244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510125603890438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981421047961087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crimson_othello,2019/03/12,Ending my life soon Turning 24 this March 20 and I was planning of giving myself the best gift - I want to end it all,-0.11893333333333088,2.051380040000001,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,88.6,3.333333333333334,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0600666666666667,91,2,20,0,3,30,24,25,0.0,0.638,0.362,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39139197471979736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6606526876128044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577712424068339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26342827900304394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056666080049002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199777978635106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alonebut-sane,2019/03/12,"I really want to do it I want to end my time on this world but I know I can’t. If I go there would be nobody to take care of my dog. My family would be upset. My friends would be upset. And yet I feel so trapped. Can’t die, can’t stay alive.",-2.911184210526315,-1.282298894736842,0.4378728070175448,104.61365131578951,99.35087719298248,4.253508771929825,10.633771929824562,5.985473137389443,-1.5328228070175445,181,2,52,2,8,64,37,57,0.258,0.541,0.2,-0.7993,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,10,17,4,1,6,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,10,2,5,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759374657241636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28088357489481475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970840247675185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25513710729019057,0.0,0.13684468214156753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909726917462948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381203503449495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873771645383035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733801384453477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884682672012687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348903536043667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781347481837013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192632225368032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5767687456905249,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatsallfolks00_00,2019/03/12,"Can someone just say goodbye? I'm going to hang myself soon Hi,
Sorry that this is so attention whoring, but I'm going to hang myself this evening and I'd just like to feel a bit less alone. Even a 'goodbye' comment would be nice haha. Everyone has their own lives and stuff but someone acknowledging I exist for a second is kind of nice now that it's so close to the end. 

I've never had a 'happy' period o my life. Just moments sometimes. I'm so sorry for my parents but i must not be too sorry. I just can't deal with reality. I have maladaptive daydreaming to cope, but I'm 20 and soon I won't be able to avoid reality like I can when I'm in college. I've wasted my life. I should have followed my passion, but it was a humanities so lol nope. But it's the only thing that ever made me feel fulfilled. I can't connect with people. I feel nothing except when I'm immersed in daydreaming. It's time to admit that I need to give up. ",0.3491858917480037,2.5966650765306127,3.0253149955634453,88.55074090505768,87.01020408163265,5.449511978704527,21.787045252883765,6.8959733430537185,0.7216715173025734,729,26,152,10,23,254,108,196,0.07400000000000001,0.76,0.166,0.969,2,2,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,0,17,10,0,1,7,2,18,4,0,1,3,32,34,15,0,4,12,1,3,2,0,4,2,1,0,1,12,6,0,1,6,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,3,4,18,8,17,24,3,20,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,13,104,30,1,0.1531081762987197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857389563547028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715447384820664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578478068065193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560839928628515,0.0,0.0,0.20225301289540595,0.13849511107071094,0.0,0.1463014237601762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322482829677809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687531407392376,0.17402980993973965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298650070495685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943860469416368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628966573298986,0.14960184229368806,0.0,0.13519732474359358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487465841467725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352777269884315,0.11808646438124068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469114245089714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644566739383645,0.0,0.0,0.17000851064866696,0.0,0.0,0.10614593132827577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175776710495965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594561218461869,0.0,0.15142790132536452,0.5141762046461916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527223105179165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171826904402717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927860886312153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876365555442752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lastpattern,2019/03/12,"is there a forum that is pro suicide? i typed /r/prosuicide but it's been banned. went to /r/suicide and it came here. just curious, no plans or anything.",-0.09774193548386734,2.187767612903229,1.6731612903225823,94.10974193548388,98.67741935483872,5.060645161290323,22.32903225806452,6.742157984588678,0.8648658064516128,120,5,25,2,5,39,27,31,0.277,0.638,0.086,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979037094752253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140434507585374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7919612300663653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355872626257331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Salvodor66,2019/03/12,Can't stop being paranoid over my race. I'm not going to mention my race but living in America makes me feel so out of place. I have severe social anxiety and low self esteem so everytime I step outside my heart rate goes higher and I get so fucking paranoid that I feel like I'm going to get harassed. The stares people make are even worse plus I'm ugly as shit still a virgin at 22. I never thought like this but when you get older you start to know more things. I just wish I could take a nice walk thru the park and make my mind peaceful but my race is in the way of thinking straight. I feel like every stare people make gets me embarrassed of myself. Winter is my favorite season since I can wear a hoodie without being seen as suspicious but this upcoming weather is making me paranoid asf. ,3.900041666666666,5.279059587500001,4.728750000000002,84.9079166666667,71.875,6.833333333333335,25.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.2282708333333336,634,20,121,6,12,205,104,160,0.172,0.644,0.184,-0.1951,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,7,9,3,1,6,0,10,5,3,5,1,28,35,14,0,2,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,2,6,21,4,16,30,1,21,0,1,3,2,5,8,2,0,11,74,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209535921287916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699260558422565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678195093783562,0.0,0.1234581865228325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222705274527448,0.20936270207804036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546499881798651,0.3062243564268037,0.0,0.16655321259435554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736392361527619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052927881676512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147620639188967,0.0,0.12938903270655125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890509178272655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795393853313532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301328211192548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317146668913524,0.0,0.1530930864452784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286317013513495,0.16553765010662044,0.15041135565020786,0.12121146571600633,0.0,0.0,0.14936929550041586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371497527175733,0.0,0.117019371193448,0.1225059802790918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101726290774527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973482904721091,0.09389076727022086,0.0,0.11632877444150976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630901553655727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850273494432874,0.1412500820489801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932700174948538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twoholepunchman,2019/03/12,"I feel invisible I can sit with tears in my eyes in front of my parents and no one even asks if im ok or whats wrong i feel like im invisible to everyone unless ive caused a problem, how are you supposed to speak to someone when no one listens or even acknowledges you.",1.4738983050847452,2.9190580847457634,4.0120000000000005,87.31562711864406,78.32203389830508,7.4318644067796615,27.0542372881356,8.238735603445708,1.6725362711864409,213,9,49,4,5,75,42,59,0.199,0.7240000000000001,0.077,-0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,12,7,7,0,2,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,5,8,2,8,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,3,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22724220560155206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497048658592007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32109733926172324,0.0,0.0,0.2322684702051303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581193176958654,0.17365274704237896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251251772236486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875411105494164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294276670015481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699058947980461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232589837808167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595656199954795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26576422917652576,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hellboy064,2019/03/12,"Please help me (Boy of 16)😭😭  I. Am. A boy. Of 16 i.am completely exhausted some or the other day I face problems sometime my parents fight like extreme,sometimes due to financial pressure and many more things I don't know how to handle it
  

I never share his problems but now I am
I always tries try to handle things on his own.  
I never express his feelings easily.                             I always tries to look happy by forcing a smile.         I mostly stay alone and think for hours and hours.  
 
Today I got my results of 11 and I have failed  because whole of the I was not well .
 I just faced a major accident...   In that my 13 bones were broked i hardly can stand straight
 

 Somtime i think i should suicide😞😞 by hanging my self on fan or pillar ",0.6590487062404833,3.0640293493150708,2.4445662100456644,91.98304414003044,87.69863013698631,4.614307458143075,21.80974124809741,6.139981653823899,0.3896709284627096,559,20,113,5,18,184,99,146,0.134,0.718,0.147,0.605,1,1,0,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,1,1,5,0,8,4,3,2,2,22,14,8,0,3,5,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,3,24,4,14,10,6,15,0,2,1,0,11,4,0,4,9,75,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317052443263808,0.0,0.0,0.26218239900261064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096038804042413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518437009457246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016043742996018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966017773305313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600422315181822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677110390010472,0.14113060105858524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560000997765903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103028756610501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658336402187111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696919775265221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322992706072607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972728994056248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430189438717819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493659804085476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293860250174348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015011954109382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435522209832792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31163477410927165,0.0,0.0,0.16792346677985198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20933361367936945,0.2018987031871416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933553607600805,0.0,0.0,0.32089092811402675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165310598329806,0.0,0.0,0.1758948943033455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadnursethrowitaway,2019/03/12,"Dreaming of an end I'm back here again. Just got dumped, trying to make it through the worst. I just wish life would end, I wish I had the courage to end it or live it. I feel stuck in this between space of misery and don't know how to crawl out.",-0.4450000000000003,1.4911989444444451,0.5940740740740758,106.83333333333336,87.33333333333334,3.6,16.407407407407412,3.1291,-1.4372370370370366,189,4,50,0,6,58,40,54,0.201,0.66,0.138,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,12,11,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,4,1,9,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874446357799965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6477255059377428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232577999758588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949657127982538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397001196266015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218246792890565,0.0,0.0,0.2152540108918116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271884778888313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550431661554904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5606485926093504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731677245962322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eyetalker,2019/03/12,I always mess up good things. Nothing more to say about it.  I just want to disappear forever.  I’m tired of this.  ,-0.7389130434782629,1.2947576086956545,1.5307608695652206,94.3291847826087,103.34782608695652,5.778260869565218,18.793478260869566,7.1686216300943375,0.7594434782608701,87,3,19,2,4,29,20,23,0.275,0.5660000000000001,0.158,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699326182586437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728991064141461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265939310453738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535540185401984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953643421242075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5109882103241755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622293703313915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ContraltofDanger,2019/03/12,"How can I schedule my suicide to be more convenient for the folks I leave behind? 
I know I’m going to kill myself.  I have the method, the place, everything - just not the time.  There are people I care about (it’s not reciprocated, but oh well), and I don’t want to ruin the upcoming birthdays, and because someone’s gonna pop the question, someone’s engagement.  I do care about these people, but they don’t need me in their lives, and I’m glad to finally end mine.

This is a ridiculous question, but here we are.  How much of a time cushion do I need make it less painful & dramatic for the folks I leave behind?  Two weeks?  A month?  Maybe two?  It’s not going to shock anyone when I kill myself, but it’ll be a brief inconvenience.",2.9582653061224486,4.583330081632656,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081635,74.71428571428571,7.07687074829932,25.17517006802721,7.793537801064563,1.2555129251700676,570,19,119,8,12,186,87,147,0.195,0.687,0.118,-0.9185,0,0,1,0,0,3,26.0,1,0,2,0,9,11,3,0,11,0,12,1,0,3,0,21,24,10,3,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,6,1,2,0,0,18,5,13,20,3,13,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,8,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013370514990438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334033512694714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009326995167263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30136972350307845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090077272797335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282686128499865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190005939933574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679883895002822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32702221925301594,0.0,0.08122319374886693,0.0,0.0,0.3129829952071604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050396858036653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865300679552473,0.0,0.14847798088545788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796700043570288,0.0,0.10864489515163976,0.2191733439901646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726222265680087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492218042436447,0.0,0.1544122784242312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311240743129552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504491389723524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616616061130042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235862896057408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887446643510255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871721685637274,0.0,0.11855066791417207,0.0,0.13288369887665585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jack_of_Cups,2019/03/12,"Death is a mercy which fills my heart with joy. Every moment of my life is perseverence through a physical agony which no human has ever before endured. There is a chunk of burning salty residue lodged next to my pineal gland which causes me extraordinary agony, and hospitals are unanimously useless. None of them have even given me a scientific understanding of what I am going through. But I want to protect this world, not curse it. I want to create inspiration for beauty and love, but the truth that the most merciful timeline for my personal existence is suicide constantly weighs down on me. 

I seriously wish the medical industrial complex wasnt fundamentally amoral, but money supersedes the value of human life as well as understanding scientific anomolies. 

Just felt like venting. I have been fighting this for so many years alone. It is really becoming more and more inevitable.",8.538627450980393,10.127425901960786,8.346934640522878,62.470205882352936,61.22222222222222,11.610196078431372,37.522222222222226,11.407655852321104,4.913029281045752,725,34,108,21,10,233,108,153,0.136,0.6629999999999999,0.201,0.7653,0,1,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,1,0,8,0,12,7,1,1,2,21,21,9,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,4,1,1,5,0,1,2,4,3,1,0,4,1,13,7,18,17,4,10,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,6,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037279098381908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136683823972116,0.16462561337945888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874323300088925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906839289932871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778269877376294,0.17500138866894951,0.16300374301955506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857580344461238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995138447052567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925855486077534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330200730833515,0.09451788567273574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746109332443646,0.0,0.0,0.1961445119635248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489699274814806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575365680236327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892735344830614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393949704574228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162078475457674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028105841663846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282229301534857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394948196736187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247675329232108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458598559935055
suicidewatch,ZeetleCR,2019/03/12,"The fear of attempting suicide and failing scares me more than anything else I am also terrified by the agony some of the methods are supposed to cause  

Can someone please give me a word of comfort or something? I just feel like I want to die but I'm completely terrified about doing so, the pain, the possibility of failing   

How can life feel so much like a cage ?
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suicidewatch,DazzlingResearcher8,2019/03/12,"Someone please tell me if this is normal I don’t even know how to write this. I need someone to tell me if this is normal. I don’t know what’s happening anymore and I have no one to go to for help. I’m 24. My parents just threatened to call the police if I don’t answer their texts or phone calls in under 2 hours. Now they said they will continue to do this every day. Literally for no reason. The last few days they’ve been texting/calling nonstop. Every single day I’ve responded multiple times but they still threaten me after the one time I don’t. They’ve had neighbors come knock on my door. They said they will call the leasing office but haven’t yet. My family has always been insane but this is so unbelievably insane that I don’t know if this is real, if that makes sense. I don’t have any family or friends to talk to or ask for help. Someone please tell me this isn’t normal so I can have closure before I make a stupid decision. 

I hope this all ends up being a dream/nightmare. Last month they said I’m abusing them when I told them I’m depressed. This month they are calling the police and purposefully giving me 24/7. Next month it will be something else crazy, like always. Then once it’s all over they will lie to everyone I know to make me look bad and themselves look good, LIKE ALWAYS. FUCK MY LIFE


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suicidewatch,lostvagrant2701,2019/03/12,"I have no reason to exist. On the outside many thinks I am brilliant, amazing and helpful.

But in the inside I'm constantly questioning myself if many of my decisions were rational, or even helpful.

Recently I'm starting to having thoughts, suspicions and doubts toward people around me. I'm constantly feeling pressures when asking for favor, or when asking about things I were not informed of. I always gladly help others, but when I said no, they just throwing words at me and say why you have to be so greedy or unhelpful.

""Friends"" are one thing, family is another. By having to constantly being pressured to be successful and not to doubt their decisions, I'm feeling like a dog locked in a cage, only to be letting free as to shows other how much of a ""Golden Boy"" that I am.

I'm falling, I want to speak more but too afraid to speak as I think many information would be found out and/or be asked to ""care about yourself since you are a grown boy"".

I'm afraid I would be another young person to cut their life short in this abusive country I'm living.",7.291323132313231,6.9806566831683154,7.344095409540955,75.11670117011704,63.851485148514854,10.315751575157517,34.700270027002695,9.800150414767053,3.322924752475247,838,33,150,15,11,270,123,202,0.126,0.7020000000000001,0.172,0.8565,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,3,1,11,15,1,6,6,0,21,1,0,2,0,35,41,18,0,4,10,0,2,1,1,2,1,4,0,3,6,6,0,0,12,1,1,3,4,7,0,1,5,6,18,9,29,26,2,21,0,0,0,0,22,9,0,7,10,106,24,1,0.0,0.14896150202044106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461182193236017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636635955378213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192035428047316,0.3526028238259784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281832402971275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40758653288276026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303902602290074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118520698328022,0.0,0.12713891336431532,0.08981672046087398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378490628855522,0.09713347707149574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528089486219475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285605490658185,0.08880205503081635,0.06142203321205322,0.0,0.11101593995453243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38239095095397785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242106035337423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519333319827968,0.09561820282965452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716067689287743,0.10977669929956012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083882180483165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926444815116087,0.1241365496662442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959160846134947,0.0999801807288547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399957800324217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898756893305261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704989199878073,0.16111677417352022,0.0,0.09981022323331053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415483480119285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344568512208845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862039026534704,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jameson_Junkie,2019/03/12,"I've given myself 2 more months Last year I decided that I was gonna change myself for the better and actually try to take care of myself. I've lost 80 pounds and started being more social, instead of withdrawing from people. Today I told someone I really cared about how I'm struggling and they didn't seem to care about me. I'm going to kill myself on my birthday. May 24. Everything I do is a waste of time. When I kill myself nobody will notice; I'm not saying no one will care, I know a lot of people will be devastated, but I can't stand to be alive anymore. I'll wait untill my 33rd birthday, if I still feel like I'm worthless, I'll do it.",2.997867647058822,4.0298677573529424,4.897823529411763,84.17070588235295,73.63235294117645,7.2047058823529415,23.15882352941176,7.554174236665415,0.9677435294117656,509,13,105,6,10,175,89,136,0.131,0.732,0.13699999999999998,-0.0283,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,2,6,11,2,1,3,0,13,0,0,1,0,14,32,8,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,5,2,18,6,14,19,3,12,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,4,10,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.14686648919036074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925576175862962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310520017026942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6137799531706716,0.0,0.1592092602190376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525987904767242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609742516848772,0.1075173758102718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553273421280365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330123545354,0.0,0.08271097619904523,0.12267775325614108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352679761635399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642887510311411,0.1279498915041323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012782697856292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134547976472206,0.0,0.0,0.10198283320753533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867578342390047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641428446154568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968380285813167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700973333091082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341600504226807,0.1275183344591309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652481901279592,0.0,0.12018965732490232,0.0,0.0,0.15733549032032945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315742342789155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775787924404893,0.0,0.14265659586677995,0.14380939446830301,0.0,0.10217975942439493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691719703416744
suicidewatch,lokiinthesky,2019/03/12,I’m an asshole and I want to die My boyfriend even tells me that I’m a cunt. I overslept this morning and didn’t wake him up in time for work. Now he’s doubting that I even set the alarms. I still have his Indian burn on my arm and it hurts and I’m a piece of shit cry baby because it isn’t even that bad. And if I cut then he’s just going to get angrier when he gets home. He’s threatening to leave me and I know I should let him but if he leaves then I’ll be alone and I don’t want to be alone isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve heard in your life?! ,-1.3725128205128208,0.4149354923076949,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,90.23076923076924,4.6974358974358985,15.589743589743593,6.079149491110277,-0.9259333333333336,434,9,119,4,15,145,81,130,0.268,0.7120000000000001,0.02,-0.9791,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,7,7,3,2,5,0,9,4,3,0,0,17,19,13,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,1,16,0,10,13,2,12,0,1,0,0,11,4,2,4,6,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014301138479153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181224775925293,0.11813674122399268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287670408576254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113050004963906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384002910759634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250167700676372,0.0,0.11013919746544662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439400923349506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746350139285388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650566270314364,0.0,0.0,0.4104056954768349,0.0,0.19817037608524102,0.1368844234912968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892964828425272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476638883631302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938696048284485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874999431376494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300448278855857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22861276819170756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410863912883914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spoooze,2019/03/12,"Since when did this subreddit become about support for suicide, instead of support for the person so that they wouldn’t commit suicide? Guys, I wanna kill myself as much as the next guy on here. But tue reason we are all here is because we know we shouldn’t. We know we need help and the support of others. Please lets do that again. Its so sad seeing some people encourage or give ideas/suggestions to others on how to commit suicide",5.177871485943776,6.642384156626508,5.15921686746988,82.71223895582331,68.87951807228916,6.979116465863456,27.086345381526108,7.1686216300943375,1.4529935742971891,347,11,61,3,6,108,61,83,0.204,0.606,0.191,-0.75,0,0,0,0,0,6,8.0,5,0,1,0,9,6,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,3,20,15,9,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,8,4,12,11,3,5,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,2,3,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667040251657977,0.17514188021641308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212675653859994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140431575198462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629448765091733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754480084029147,0.0,0.17430555773138154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216132106352324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657636304370401,0.11758689298212473,0.0,0.0,0.1686542571693038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994111811473166,0.13846809701548532,0.0,0.1740759319234676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630491922370983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636969778155654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118105889871812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5203904534535349,0.5398725269927452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matchinox,2019/03/12,"I want to die again 14, no friends, lonely, sad, stressed, travel for 3h a day to and from school, can't take it, body ache, soul ache, feel like i'm living in a movie, only friend deserted me",15.643750000000004,4.773973875000003,13.580000000000002,68.94500000000002,60.25,17.0,47.5,8.841846274778883,4.408249999999999,145,3,35,1,1,46,36,40,0.361,0.449,0.189,-0.8481,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,5,5,0,4,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391465654657105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969089718993713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168785110376883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543811849328829,0.2181238043430859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717857307456712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916607382181912,0.0,0.2696070290849113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232212956102518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30900458192512154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497480557511644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956594226507415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008823517794084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doesntnatter,2019/03/12,"Debt If debt is in my name alone but I’m married legally still, no children, who would debt collectors go for? ",0.8625757575757582,3.416704954545456,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,90.36363636363636,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,0.9134060606060612,87,4,18,1,3,27,20,22,0.4,0.542,0.058,-0.8151,3,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6501041039850882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567342947721047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012791072249128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4458974698010621,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alluppercasenickname,2019/03/12,"feeling down I've been feeling terribly lately, I don't sleep much any more, I don't eat, I'm constantly thinking of suicide. I don't think I'll do it because every time I picture myself doing it, I'm thinking about my poor dog going around in the house with me dead inside and I can't do it, but it keeps going on in my head.

It occurs to me that while this are major things in my life, that's overtaking pretty much everything, I can't talk about any of it with my girlfriend. Although she would listen and says she cares and all that, deep down, it will make me look weak and lower down her interest in me. Eventually she'll leave me because of that.

Women want to show they care, and of course they have compassion towards the person they love, but it's human nature and when they feel their man is weak it loosen their interest little by little. It reminds me of this episode of Friends where Rachel asks her boyfriend to open up, and when he does and starts crying, she dumps him. That's a comedy show obviously but it's not so different in real life.

That sucks for men, the only option for us is to stay deep down in our dark thoughts, and can't share them with anybody, even with the people closest to us. We can drink which is just another way to slowly kill ourselves. That really sucks and I don't know what to do about it.",7.358504273504272,5.749596611111118,7.238148148148147,80.16089743589747,64.37037037037037,10.233618233618234,31.880341880341877,8.841846274778883,2.330170940170941,1055,30,218,13,13,337,151,270,0.146,0.718,0.136,-0.222,2,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,4,0,7,1,10,14,4,0,5,0,21,9,2,1,2,38,45,18,3,2,5,0,3,0,2,3,4,2,0,5,24,17,2,1,8,3,1,2,8,7,0,0,2,6,36,7,37,40,5,32,0,0,1,1,32,21,2,1,7,148,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282602554882562,0.1332456017602592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312062194178693,0.11879474764607692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492327722918614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591158321137381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731920462906855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958213296311964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276272595466668,0.0,0.0,0.11120117140478752,0.0,0.0,0.12448174423599573,0.0,0.13002592106131108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392956160244784,0.0,0.10706326304323097,0.0,0.11420371724423375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275358417021504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817516579835334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443538264177266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304120724129716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662350996190324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294703393113815,0.14058584498213694,0.0,0.06983520172675223,0.0,0.14334224541235333,0.13455042579903528,0.0,0.0,0.17950879014591098,0.0,0.2547181558355571,0.0,0.0,0.10670809982419266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468703681192605,0.0,0.08482124763300429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682442340190425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664364129817264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809541430043218,0.11095397775781833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927745134962082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463524558744711,0.08140529001264814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105239836498207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716332147454354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899418984822748,0.1354413669381602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899565325242952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213530004801644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844206927314353,0.2442669586368019,0.0,0.10088061819395576,0.0740964438065823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30570286210315906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495009363247647,0.1008634832197758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026798462264184,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allsmilesoverhere,2019/03/12,Prison or Kill Myself I got in trouble a while back and got a deferred sentence with community service. I don't even have a problem doing community service but I have to be up at six every morning to get ready and be there by eight which is way fucking harder for me than it should be for a normal person. I have insomnia and never get enough sleep. I can't wake up early. This is the same shit that makes it hard to get and keep a job. This is why I'm a failure. At this point I feel like I'm going to fail anyway so I might as well kill myself to avoid going to prison because I won't survive there anyway. ,2.4725581395348826,3.692963271317833,4.168131782945739,88.1554534883721,75.2015503875969,6.090232558139538,23.752713178294567,6.2581,0.5538955038759688,478,14,102,3,10,161,81,129,0.253,0.6609999999999999,0.086,-0.9799,1,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,4,1,7,0,15,5,3,1,1,17,28,9,2,3,2,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,8,1,2,2,2,11,2,17,20,2,13,0,1,0,1,1,6,2,2,5,77,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322885495457358,0.0,0.11354745051232172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246498674774212,0.0,0.12302848110392853,0.0,0.15693910920958395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418286888445657,0.13307013852727584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220207782365524,0.29195255739690884,0.0,0.2117211791031654,0.0,0.2979516131074708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685984482269164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484258468058545,0.16556385812619956,0.4121566380816224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091001301608595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243355626121173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760127182981574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436616260373859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250342360749924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264232882142607,0.0,0.0,0.17608378750695092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823364423723193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912017731313745,0.0,0.0,0.18640285966520986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785113734013214,0.0,0.0,0.1674776065979744,0.0,0.1680782036691515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fabscon,2019/03/12,"This is the moment when you decide to talk to strangers because no one around you understands My story is quite complex. Won’t get in much detail but summing it up I’ve got divorced parents, moved to a different country, went to college (architecture which is pretty much hell) and that’s not even what I wanted to do. I lived in another city for 5 years during college and had to come back to my parents house because I tried to kill myself with a bunch of sleeping pills that gave me nothing but a drunk feeling. Ended things with my boyfriend because I just thing he can’t handle it. Had some really bad friends that just couldn’t understand or help and talked behind my back. Now I’m here, in my parents house, thinking about my ex while my best friend tries to convince me he’s the love of my life (yes he knows I’m still in love with the other one and yet he doesn’t care. He just says he’ll wait because he’d waited 9 years already) but I’m still here, feeling guilty about all of that and still trying to come up with a simple solution to kill myself because I just can’t handle adult life or even finish writing my thesis. I just can’t handle it  ",5.4888534641324345,5.6379985751072965,5.587409564684243,84.6463626609442,67.54077253218884,7.858859595340282,29.94757817290005,7.1686216300943375,1.632320907418761,920,31,184,7,14,290,130,233,0.102,0.721,0.177,0.971,4,0,0,0,1,2,16.0,0,2,0,2,20,11,3,0,7,1,13,7,1,0,1,38,35,12,2,2,11,4,2,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,13,12,1,2,8,1,0,4,8,4,0,2,5,3,22,7,29,26,6,25,1,0,0,2,25,7,1,3,14,121,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715328210588632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113209450840087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450739369024612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326526973236344,0.08864149782698304,0.32357926657299624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141130164883023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824004295852767,0.0,0.0,0.18289969194239525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091752320496252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402872391217874,0.0,0.0,0.14023904721270322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735819606646664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640422212226674,0.0,0.05546567769413186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490808380862272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115868240837678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24499521912717695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349068025075049,0.0,0.058344294698311774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997184076577752,0.0,0.0,0.0937436913117978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916321313143097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283424803272182,0.15608373637198628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186606321881453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438773122568442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536436546992173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080057268095432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291719831276452,0.0,0.0,0.06801060372222058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844249141464019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623946261309053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434523114965324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706592634590819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105968490305534,0.06802483116145737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623270344601428,0.0,0.0,0.2210384233263861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261756596149573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984139728157714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673071616245988
suicidewatch,Golf_Foxtrot_Zulu,2019/03/12,"Social anxiety controls me like a facist dictator The past 3 years have been an endless cycle of loneliness i cant bare anymore, the few friends i have, all have meaningful relationships and here i am,

i see one post from r/happy just start to fucking cry, every time i see a couple who are happy together or someone just smiling or something i get a stinging sensation in my gut i cant control its fucking pathetic im not even 18 and i dont wanna do this anymore i cant handle this cycle anymore. 

Every time i try anything to better myself my fucking SAD just pulls me back stabs a knife into me I CANT EVEN MAKE BASIC EYE CONTACT WITHOUT GOING INTO SHOCK

I cant open up to people irl because of this mental block, it feels like trying to dig through rock with bare hands.

I feel so unbelievably touch starved to the point where i just start crying when i fantasize about getting something as simple as a hug or something its fucking pathetic.

This all just works hand in hand with depression im not gonna go over that though because i know you know how much if a living nightmare that is on its own.

Theres a box on my desk that stares at me every night, every time i cry myself to sleep with the sensation of a knife in my gut its there watching me, its full of accutane, strong stuff more than enough to completely fuck up my liver and i think about doing it every day. Loneliness does literally kill you slowly, apparently its as bad as smoking a pack a day all the accutane would do is just speed it up and get it over with.


",5.38567079463364,5.785405310457518,6.193013415892676,79.34698142414862,67.79084967320262,8.92576539387685,31.46474028207773,8.841846274778883,2.5214928104575165,1219,47,233,19,19,402,169,306,0.16699999999999998,0.725,0.108,-0.9698,1,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,5,19,17,6,0,16,0,18,14,8,4,3,40,39,16,1,3,13,0,6,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,19,11,0,3,6,1,0,3,9,10,0,1,1,11,32,7,39,36,9,34,0,2,5,6,7,17,5,4,15,161,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764210176826803,0.0,0.2630707019525466,0.0,0.0,0.07276324893655375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679905713208005,0.07382814593535572,0.10780168611697126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820151135148712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270811831694956,0.0,0.19834415765669855,0.0,0.0978365579394588,0.29138015063354505,0.11404893027947098,0.0,0.07615719161760351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737813187287815,0.0,0.10362918058282852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913629059757517,0.0,0.11680295456721172,0.0,0.3724940655680494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941699724007697,0.06316824041550187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831412681916771,0.4087206330586323,0.13858954037076016,0.0,0.1005037981522876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188252373246523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910204935312725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782513902564392,0.0,0.09718813894345428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639642464875108,0.0,0.07807768474529965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902194735950497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891079384175688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499987674790174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297746068912111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991660489998835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844081974334122,0.06130024080700646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358676969612773,0.0,0.08468322520031893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493145462486756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092075899453765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848522128092264,0.09013444587037618,0.07491913514251902,0.20421325864338347,0.0,0.0,0.12517019369022314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122130764510984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566568400278908,0.08687354161170455,0.0,0.15467762599298093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006460463298772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852350399858085,0.0,0.06437180639768,0.0,0.0,0.06281200035748008,0.0,0.0,0.05694045968396834
suicidewatch,ccmcg3,2019/03/12,If it wasn’t for my sister I would’ve killed myself already.. I wish she didn’t care so I could’ve done it already,1.5549999999999995,2.5027298846153845,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,77.07692307692308,5.2,20.69230769230769,3.1291,-0.4706307692307692,91,2,22,0,2,30,20,26,0.17,0.606,0.223,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,14,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6764134974596513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124753515509146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446982183239615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31363400799461344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33907315485526074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35243525706338674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771359934788856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whenisthisoveragain,2019/03/12,I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I want life to be over,1.1950000000000005,3.7673618333333367,5.433333333333334,66.79500000000002,97.33333333333334,12.4,31.0,10.125756701596842,5.755699999999999,50,3,9,3,2,19,11,12,0.212,0.6779999999999999,0.11,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175741125656201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7384555175017937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322042187127155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shoot2killz101,2019/03/12,Im scared Hey peeps. Im posying here because i dont know what to do anymore. I have never been in a place so low before and all i can forsee is death. I cant muster up the nerve to talk about it to anyone and i feel so closed off from everyone like no one knows anything about the true me. I dont know what to do and just thinking of ending it tomorrow. If anyone has any reason why i shouldn't now would be a great time to share. All the best with your own issues,0.8458144552319311,2.2790070873786377,2.5063430420711974,97.47714131607336,80.06796116504856,5.3544768069039925,18.240560949298814,5.82211442006289,-0.5298384034519956,362,7,89,2,9,119,73,103,0.11,0.741,0.14800000000000002,0.6198,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,5,0,13,0,0,1,4,19,18,6,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,9,5,13,14,4,11,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,6,60,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298816668098385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936038663466747,0.2529172038541693,0.0,0.14882893874372582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024803574647088,0.0,0.1538949912572051,0.0,0.18979703639278428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239233732532329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018458513821912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728154966321821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144614210736483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939419181466286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39071066432659096,0.1887664994220722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29818090427856736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835702349504583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948716603766573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255259146231763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895584987136535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594991544703465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106823707705288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536506601280344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588511366880425,0.0,0.0,0.10545848928033767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631942568742078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847479311603485,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idfkanymorelol,2019/03/12,"I never thought that getting drunk would save my life. I'm an alcoholic. I never wanted to admit that, but it's true, and tonight the unthinkable happened...

For the past few months, I've really been feeling a bit. A bit too much if you ask me and lately, it's really been getting to me. I've been feeling so ashamed of the kind of person I am and I've been feeling very worthless as well. I genuinely didn't want to live anymore and decided that I'd kill myself this week. I came up with this extreme plan (that honestly would've worked) and promised myself that tonight would be the night, so long as I got drunk. 

After getting drunk, I wasn't motivated anymore and I, for the first time in a long time, decided to live...

I decided to live.

And I am, for the moment.

I decided to live because I was scared, and I was scared of what would happen to my pets. They are really one of the only reasons I'm alive.

I don't know how I'll feel once I'm sober, but tonight hit me quite hard. Harder than I expected it to. Fingers crossed that I'll decide to ditch all plans of suicide once sober. I doubt it, but it's worth a shot to have some hope at least.

Oh boy, I'm going to regret getting THIS drunk later. At least I'm alive to regret it though!

Enough self pity for tonight... Good night everyone. And stay strong... You never know what may happen and change your mind.",2.112150537634406,3.971523827956993,3.3115039426523296,91.1979225806452,77.74551971326164,6.471168458781363,23.704802867383513,7.404127859558343,0.9050021792114696,1064,35,229,14,25,344,139,279,0.201,0.6729999999999999,0.126,-0.9787,0,0,1,0,1,3,46.0,0,3,1,7,6,18,1,4,12,0,18,7,1,3,5,51,46,20,2,10,4,0,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,17,12,5,0,15,4,1,3,6,9,1,2,11,6,27,9,30,29,9,29,0,4,0,0,9,4,0,5,21,136,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541167297856784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564041844437288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922111580064964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060127468084808434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536949397833105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281307815270425,0.0,0.0,0.10434359760208947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191714825743403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094250733702024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994928963154954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389956096518597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613253751867566,0.0,0.056056998118254334,0.0827310291712383,0.0788880596926858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616699361756705,0.0,0.08835830262101531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796760507800033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091258984256342,0.10271400705905064,0.10841531209824933,0.0,0.11126547850502544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966938244195274,0.0,0.0,0.34838887344042496,0.17457915796115098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995940399437406,0.0,0.07873015440069084,0.0,0.07250866207111507,0.0,0.2282220286479416,0.0,0.0,0.1851260327757757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100878154342205,0.06683817069363931,0.07501697048609585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415903183122296,0.0,0.08612497586978414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491131446218772,0.0,0.0,0.18956585729576705,0.10141403001615208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975032856106288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028986509132764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513263873045474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789155579892533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690917255235228,0.0783058073559794,0.11503065620248196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138486485374354,0.11635590063521165,0.0,0.07911968902078645,0.0,0.08868542974945133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180803703827478,0.0,0.0,0.2802721688593543,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nunyadoomboom,2019/03/12,"I'm tired of being tired. 27, and I'm getting really tired of feeling this way. My stomach is constantly unwell and getting out of bed is getting harder and harder. I'm getting really frustrated waking up and getting out of bed to go to work each day, I'm in the hospitality industry and I just can't do this anymore, but I haven't any qualifications and I didn't pass high school. 

My marriage is failing because all I do is come home and go straight to bed, and I don't communicate because I'm bad at it. I'm just tired. ",3.375,4.5469744629629645,5.626851851851857,78.76583333333336,72.8888888888889,8.362962962962964,31.092592592592588,8.841846274778883,2.584237037037037,414,19,83,8,8,146,56,108,0.195,0.7709999999999999,0.034,-0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,11,6,2,0,1,17,26,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,3,12,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,12,24,2,14,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,47,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056744577500032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411085562900742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974898369701282,0.1894556478060362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385970301597627,0.0,0.1679276305956473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002174212017311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857277444903701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059394012568788,0.0,0.17663000340503135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418417121776518,0.15587463547481314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910102897408896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726882346366874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7144183484155452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334593545362915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312997709780025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herofromzero67,2019/03/12,"Today i'm commiting a suicide So i have fully prepared for suicide. Life is just unbearable anymore to me and i see that there is no prospects of me being happy ever again. So there is no point exist in suffering any longer, i hope my family and friends will understand this. ",2.537610062893084,5.256621283018873,4.107830188679248,81.3446383647799,81.45283018867924,7.3069182389937115,27.701257861635213,8.344100000000001,2.5300465408805044,220,10,38,5,6,73,42,53,0.24,0.552,0.209,-0.4842,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,7,10,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,4,8,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757698265635502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589702499532102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362065403226329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461696085089792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174796774845385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779771585666601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593604672909741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444345527924053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24685173773047825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080863656207968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712664774540522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752018852604254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27184496995983626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SweetieLT,2019/03/12,"It would be 1 year clean now but.. 1 year ago i stopped cutting, because i was forced by my mom but i didnt get a real help. But not long ago i cutted my legs again, so no one could see. I feel numb... i dont want to go to school cause i know i will be bullied and i will be alone. Internet is like home to me because there i can finally have friends. Im too young to have those thoughs, but i want to die, it's just... I can't find a way to kill myself and i have a phobia of waking up in a grave.",-1.771096989966555,-0.12541328695652074,0.9939130434782621,103.69267558528429,90.56521739130434,4.234113712374582,16.672240802675585,5.369823440869387,-1.0015752508361206,372,9,104,2,13,128,77,115,0.321,0.604,0.075,-0.9829,0,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,4,0,16,3,2,1,0,18,23,8,3,4,6,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,2,17,2,10,14,0,14,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,11,66,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284541533336223,0.0,0.0,0.1918796395791066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258727937455918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903191532630624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791977711025128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922767950214687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171303007859442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936760254057773,0.0,0.0,0.20294978050925047,0.16932971192250634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313600494331108,0.0,0.09679380658757293,0.0,0.10529090262126432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417985371143593,0.0,0.18583684253539595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011900597618634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20496931213392705,0.0,0.10181731498277942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051157967914067,0.0,0.0,0.1639545260862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698122869187167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554099502512878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087319852256448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749902120199213,0.14763296696634146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489062071115547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820228444768312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854930186142285,0.14705547900370905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131607607566535,0.0,0.0,0.2386103811404376
suicidewatch,arealdumb,2019/03/12,"I need help. TW/CW

I literally don't know what to do other than dump my shit out anonymously on the internet, so here it goes. 

I'm very suicidal. I have no reason or will to live. I have reasons not to die, but not reasons to live.

My stepdad started physically and mentally abusing me starting around ages 5 or 6. The physical abuse slowed way down when I hit puberty and he moved to touching me instead of hitting me. My mom just kept telling me to pray to Jesus to end it. It was the same answer I got when I told her I was being beaten up on the school bus.

My uncle violently raped me from the ages of 7 to 13 while my aunt watched and/or held me down. Any adult I turned to told me that that couldn't possibly be happening because he was a hard working man and upstanding member of the church. 

To escape all that I married a man at age 19. He abused me sexually, physically, mentally, and emotionally, on a daily basis. I never told anyone because past experiences told me no one would care. This lasted till I was 24.

At 24 I left my husband, was diagnosed with severe PTSD, and met my wife. She used my diagnosis to manipulate me in to taking incredibly strong psych meds that dulled my thoughts, emotions, and actions enough that she could control them all. She told me if I stopped taking them she would kick me to the street with nothing. She moved me hours away from every single one of my friends and family and would not allow me to meet new people. I didn't even realize all this was going on until I was 29. It took 1 year to get away from her.

Now I'm 30. I got away from my ex-wife 7 months ago. I cannot work due to my PTSD. I don't have health insurance because I can't work, so I have no access to therapy or anything. Medicare denied me because I don't have a child. My glasses are broken, I'm going blind, and my teeth are falling out of my mouth. I live with my mom in her run down house where I sleep on a disgusting mattress on a floor that will never be clean. I am rarely warm enough. Most days it's too cold to even shower. My rapist uncle's picture hangs in the living room. I got food stamps for 3 months but then they cut them off because I'm not working. I can't work, so I can't get them back. I have applied for disability but that will take years, if ever. It isn't likely I will ever get approved, especially where I live. And I obviously can't go anywhere else. One of only 2 bright spots in my life was my new girlfriend, but a few days ago I was diagnosed with herpes, so that's over, along with any iota of love life, for the rest of my life.

The reason I'm dumping all this out is that I'm looking for a reason to live. If this was you, what would make life worth living? Because I can't come up with an answer. Things will never get better and I have no fight left in me. I have a cocktail of pills waiting if I can't come up with an answer soon. I have never, ever met anyone with a life like mine. No one I know can relate or really understand and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lost and I don't want to keep living this fucked up life. 

I am god damn miserable. Someone please help me. ",2.4872829164700363,3.8708791794478543,4.1223926380368106,87.83944313355356,75.45705521472392,7.039924492685231,24.041529023124113,7.680030821947732,1.0296056158565356,2443,75,531,33,52,819,292,652,0.179,0.748,0.073,-0.9972,2,0,0,0,3,0,72.0,0,1,5,11,21,24,12,1,22,0,55,20,4,10,12,92,109,35,2,12,17,5,4,2,2,9,11,0,4,4,25,28,2,6,15,1,1,12,28,15,0,4,26,9,95,9,80,67,11,87,3,3,4,4,41,36,3,9,40,352,120,8,0.0,0.1958345491925556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767621382709904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493253923657554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463911517540992,0.07704695830846052,0.0,0.04533822477767062,0.0490459432553697,0.0,0.0,0.15528978786463,0.042364405800413896,0.0,0.20151122227286114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048726764560758064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617269504122013,0.0,0.0,0.0949183715914614,0.0,0.0,0.06179336502015085,0.04398861646788844,0.0,0.0,0.07106301755673694,0.0,0.0,0.11183987478653287,0.057179576369764715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460245330160014,0.12394819210659055,0.04879753083115134,0.11385505809620057,0.0,0.07277902906014888,0.1495088686542791,0.04641964156327973,0.0,0.0,0.053893165918770865,0.05193835814900695,0.0,0.02785752408712449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662070208736655,0.0,0.042566010760712134,0.050934141077295776,0.11513877907682807,0.0,0.09393472374243328,0.0,0.1321927385083422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872004089383284,0.0,0.049354008869962517,0.0,0.0,0.05856306527854265,0.0,0.0,0.07385760125746267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425715884038858,0.06357186007335916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048970680340669016,0.0,0.0,0.09083578084145072,0.04490951512118264,0.0,0.0,0.1197210554709801,0.0,0.23348999813315585,0.05383295245828916,0.0,0.3891968731840586,0.0,0.04626565270794697,0.0,0.06014234816697625,0.0,0.04972509700750119,0.0,0.03677612469633381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061197765910619165,0.0,0.111044951963958,0.0,0.0,0.1290524395874912,0.08795209105117066,0.11711384496356797,0.0,0.04085200487300508,0.16996964544121784,0.10642156467344084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052864828466786036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493343159121016,0.04190198449882748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259410326291149,0.03819571194596836,0.0,0.0,0.06047741069484206,0.0,0.06211097015918336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880545813685795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03529506084842681,0.2832325196662035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055758754460611716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062241302902629386,0.056553894180507575,0.0,0.0,0.055134465689327165,0.0,0.04668154100983008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799259186378885,0.0,0.0,0.04606161692535436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602646343800151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427302139855352,0.0,0.04815517607016722,0.0,0.06300556466678367,0.0,0.036602455274827965,0.0,0.0,0.043739019381042236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632266243887652,0.06121221331253378,0.0,0.05992718771134242,0.0,0.05735550174653264,0.0,0.04758411149214698,0.0,0.04545887848367322,0.03249626793225018,0.04373159013466005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005479050521448,0.0,0.0,0.1565507111110829,0.0,0.0,0.07095833124072477
suicidewatch,nolifetolive,2019/03/12,"today's the first anniversary of my only suicide attempt I see all this shit about regretting suicide attempts, like wtf? I don't regret a thing.  I wish it had worked, even though now I know what I tried was harmless. Can someone tell me what it's like to enjoy life and to want to live? I forgot. lol",1.2266510538641704,3.6486013606557393,2.510210772833726,92.58672131147543,84.57377049180329,4.797189695550352,21.82903981264637,6.18269132825596,0.3443236533957843,237,8,48,2,7,76,49,61,0.29,0.494,0.21600000000000005,-0.8669,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,4,4,7,1,0,2,1,4,2,1,0,1,8,9,2,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,8,4,5,6,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,5,31,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927500492015345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051191102858606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325278231681358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703289215850431,0.2356240218751512,0.0,0.2129367988684887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340279812469612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216255843332428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475334417118907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204322667395745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275503155973824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107726911049574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020703544065645,0.0,0.2369252356484411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285787084087041,0.0,0.0,0.16372266065111665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223446785799107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773066018741022,0.0,0.0,0.175557541651224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,petdevils,2019/03/12,"I’ve loved 3 girls in my life that I have never forgotten. and recorded this track for them, Reminiscing our good times/nights. I’m drunk on wine and pills, lowers inhibitions I guess. In this case, ”Emily” it’s not neither of their name. ‘Emily’ became a figurative emotional amálgama to all of them, also I don’t to want expose them, of course. 
So, I have some depression and all that comes along with it (2 attempts, ataraxia, loneliness, minor anxiety attacks, complete days in bed, feeling that any sooner I might do it again etc) for years. Also I’ve been reading this sub for years (with a different account hihi). But I still like to write and record songs from time to time. This is one is to three girls, to reminisce. Maybe the last one that I’ll record. (never thought of using this sub, it’s a cheap shot I guess, to promete my tracks but I’m high in wine and xanax right now, then why not).

be kind , thanks. I’m no professional.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2nBlsaqQol0kedRTom2Vcm?si=jUkiatEhSTy1_5d4pAmWeA",5.136290983606557,7.637899989071041,4.668439207650273,81.9636424180328,70.96721311475409,7.416530054644808,24.552254098360656,8.278499904357787,1.4862024590163934,810,24,147,13,16,245,116,183,0.09,0.8009999999999999,0.109,0.6706,2,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,4,1,6,7,1,0,4,0,9,7,0,1,4,28,21,11,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,2,13,9,3,0,3,5,2,1,7,2,0,3,2,2,14,5,23,17,5,20,0,1,0,1,10,7,0,4,13,90,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603687418846918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070385950893802,0.0,0.12453511621095405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519892820238767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023053509908695,0.1706838786271471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498710429450177,0.0,0.1402121527933858,0.0,0.0,0.17008255690005286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831186208975713,0.0,0.0,0.18155564821718195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231231623077248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365418570989244,0.0,0.0,0.3586665662125343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199824641714193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952238373447626,0.0,0.13269686849643555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498451012702468,0.0795317450417437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469257604044941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354602684492822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269614492644658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511098107899713,0.0,0.0,0.1527688738178332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062358085053707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628356377552668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902312329263025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000556930134227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987661884556105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923833373189994,0.18985016357871207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405996606321604,0.0,0.0,0.09601869405169347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689408398557094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966488558091145
suicidewatch,Katyria,2019/03/12,"It seems inevitable at this point I've posted here in the post a few times with varying degrees of ""success"". I don't even know what to say as I don't want to post a wall of text that most want read through so I'll try to be brief.

I moved many Kilometers away to live with a long distance partner. It seems at this point I've made a mistake and find myself in a relationship I feel trapped in as I have literally no other support here other than him. I could break up with him and try to make it on my own out here but with my mental health conditions I barely function as a dependant so living alone won't go too well from my point of view. I also don't want to break his heart as I am his everything. 

Besides the relationship I struggle with body image and many things related; lots of it dysphoria. I came out over 6 years ago and all that but I still struggle even though the process has helped. I'm also scared of getting help these days, the last time I called a support line I ended up in the hospital with a nurse telling me I shouldn't be there and it's my choice if I want to kill myself. I feel that all of the typical options for when my suicidal thoughts are at their worst aren't going to help me and it further adds to that feeling of being trapped. 

I see my therapist this Friday if I make it that far but I don't feel stable tonight and I can't deal with another stay in the psych ward. I find myself moving forward with life because I'd rather live a life of pain than put that pain on the few who care about me and the longer I've used that as a reason the easier it is to not see it as a valid reason to go on anymore. Maybe they can deal with the pain.",4.969406779661013,4.435856646892661,5.546333333333332,86.82373728813562,68.68926553672317,8.774915254237289,29.281920903954802,8.07648339933343,1.644581242937854,1319,41,299,15,20,427,180,354,0.17600000000000002,0.763,0.061,-0.9911,0,3,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,2,1,17,14,1,3,22,0,18,8,2,7,2,57,45,25,2,10,7,0,4,0,1,2,6,1,0,1,25,21,0,0,12,1,0,9,10,9,1,0,3,8,40,5,57,36,8,49,0,0,3,0,18,24,0,8,12,201,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588309349834979,0.0,0.0,0.08866029235941175,0.0,0.1369155396735416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976362766971327,0.0,0.0,0.08489651519175546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042810717956896,0.0,0.0,0.052183618786883185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508713760559898,0.0,0.0,0.08741161513293534,0.09790857410114301,0.08727934269468181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683481098520988,0.0,0.0,0.055207725547984615,0.17650865728782086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582004767513909,0.0,0.0,0.11308173506123745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693567230574135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731365311663479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564816548239869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044724741037970035,0.0,0.14595277898683526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099342376124528,0.0,0.10144156998588696,0.1721363792326572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470853279880914,0.0,0.047045913435239166,0.06977897282011121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092977170901333,0.0,0.0,0.2267706350394308,0.07575715822866573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277775932985707,0.0,0.08100090824559444,0.11428314016261056,0.17357875477997986,0.08600107818185604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626905305028296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196775855896447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27326720012835143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427713489035886,0.0,0.24595591965243985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605601843196374,0.0,0.0,0.0856275183417418,0.0,0.0,0.1760310636908891,0.0,0.1838140762901666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807601708524977,0.08570489074082553,0.0,0.136431171559783,0.15586197504329874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124284983746524,0.06836374655657472,0.0,0.0,0.17898451204561094,0.0,0.09363726758282294,0.19428560971919612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482197732664765,0.0,0.0,0.09939325130978208,0.05687172807098205,0.0,0.08410584178085377,0.06796029385604489,0.0998331728122768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623947238018782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393467539161948,0.0,0.0,0.2019666603552341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696859364622989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512639641784438
suicidewatch,puzzling_rabbithole,2019/03/12,"When it's all impossible I'm sitting here looking at my depression and anxiety meds wishing I could just end it all. I've got myself into a financial mess I cannot get out of. Its not even a massive amount of money, just that I've got myself locked into a cycle of late payment charges that take up all my student loan leaving nothing to pay the actual bills. I can't get a loan, I have no friends or family who would help. I can't use the phone because of my social anxiety (ADP). I can't deal with strangers. I can barely leave the house to get groceries as it's turning into agoraphobia now. I can't even talk to my partner because of my bloody anxiety. 

I used to be mystified by people who did it for my reason. 'It's never that bad'. Now I get it. For the sake of £400. It's pathetic. And so I hate myself more for thinking about it. And then even more for being the idiot that put myself in this situation. 

The worst part? I can't and won't do it. Yay for my social anxiety 'saving' my life I guess? I can't deal with all the judging that would ensue from doing it. Especially if it didn't work. I can't deal with the hurt it would cause my kids and partner. 

I can't do this any more. But not living isn't an option. What the hell do you do when every option is the impossible? 

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suicidewatch,hottamalesburns,2019/03/12,"Feeling life is annoying to live I'm sorry if this isn't allowed here, but I just wanted some advice or help because I have been taken over by these thoughts for a while. 

What are some reasons why people are so happy? I just can't seem to understand. I find life annoying to live. It's just another day I must survive until the sweet release of death. Days I must survive until I can finally sleep forever. 

I don't know what is happening to me. Back in high school I had hope life would get better. But not that I am in college (2nd year) I have no hope. I hate all the work I have to do. I am hopeless about getting an internship or a job. I don't have much friends because a lot of them have drifted away or tried to use me, and now I don't trust people. I can't let my husband know this because he doesn't understand. 

I am thinking of transferring, but how would I know life would be good? I used to be able to focus on work, even those who I hated. But now I do everything last minute, because I don't feel motivated. I am wondering if I have dysthymia. I think I need to get medicated. I feel so bad for my parents for being so unmotivated and lazy. But I just don't feel much anymore.",1.5668285413744734,3.4335284072580663,3.5555399719495107,88.77613604488079,79.44354838709677,6.7323983169705475,25.298737727910236,7.7425588080867325,1.3306747545582045,927,36,201,15,23,314,134,248,0.202,0.6829999999999999,0.115,-0.9757,3,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,6,14,14,4,0,6,0,37,6,1,6,3,51,65,19,1,11,15,2,4,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,17,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,4,5,34,8,24,52,6,18,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,12,11,144,43,7,0.10795603691527324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054933898373869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320131756592346,0.0,0.0,0.10706337996748268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142825037732338,0.08301152865937332,0.09013878149757873,0.2632359923673713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954783416972742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924542566049594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130394422490505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970239249340029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834326392132936,0.0,0.0,0.11826056159128588,0.09866986195204837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340656632421188,0.0,0.16920772070137213,0.0,0.0,0.09054840182505183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546516691388912,0.11492120873065785,0.0,0.21316847249295276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236065592871516,0.11406148019870703,0.0,0.2144494069348463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712970874864272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798944378308668,0.08799857878625529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103923619911465,0.3050101660502636,0.0,0.0,0.19065431688493856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178036204095197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875434964102564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872021742707282,0.08004803346669831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987240325879045,0.0,0.0,0.14968624612867545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099678600145907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092572728559976,0.0,0.09827912146247626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803400147404173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084794483572706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834773876318154,0.0,0.08570503450438575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329506264509385,0.0,0.0,0.2247720834058536,0.0,0.18647870825666496,0.0,0.0,0.0636752676170972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741353182864516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707371693839608,0.15718656124902616,0.0,0.0,0.23006661364378145,0.0,0.0,0.06952014829573251
suicidewatch,Poach1234,2019/03/12,"People keep telling me how worthless I am whether they've even seen my face or not. I can't do this anymore I can't get a job, job interviewers call out my anxiety even if they don't speak english, I can't leave the house without worrying what people think of my every movement, people refuse to make friends with me even when I put in all the effort, people laugh at me in class even though I put in the effort to contribute for once, people are insulting me over video game chat where I'm not even talking or showing my face, people are insulting me over reddit and telling me to go away and do something about my problems instead of whine... even though the reason I'm on reddit asking for advice is because I've already tried that. People question my anxiety everyday with the way I try to fit in, my family are starting to question my use in this life.

I don't know what to do other than get rid of myself. Nobody wants me here god nobody wants me here. I have nobody, I have nothing of use to offer. I swear to god I've tried, I have I promise but its just not enough apparently. But I'm too fucking scared to end it... That makes me feel even more pathetic. I can't even do that. I can't do anything by myself I hate myself so much. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just crying so much right now I don't know what to do anymore. I just want people to give me a chance please but they won't, and again I promise I do try every day. But there's just something about me that nobody wants. I don't know what to do",2.899813354363829,4.087421624605682,4.115824132492116,89.07964576761304,74.0788643533123,6.671345951629863,24.880257623554158,6.996647511020387,0.8779759200841224,1193,37,256,11,24,391,141,317,0.106,0.821,0.07200000000000001,-0.937,3,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,2,28,12,4,1,7,0,28,4,2,6,1,44,56,17,0,6,16,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,14,6,0,2,9,4,0,4,15,8,0,0,1,3,46,4,37,54,5,26,0,2,1,1,19,14,1,5,7,177,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797983523028194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011513408847978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494114633893845,0.0,0.2429578192494859,0.0,0.0,0.06720018668715702,0.0,0.07634217250153134,0.0,0.07672335934549501,0.0,0.0,0.0497798925840122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338518701976806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970096308087125,0.05266470036909539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232756019465278,0.08437782022632254,0.0,0.4314914722607988,0.0,0.13760611908826395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698288543394116,0.0,0.041290342276893176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309121902488288,0.07549443777141475,0.08532918400352621,0.07833683736184792,0.04640992600874064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062350112204843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422602860894473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207222564371393,0.07258420190088273,0.0,0.0,0.17951537833260495,0.0,0.0,0.08646739035220015,0.0,0.0,0.05767970088917011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901893302363973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006071515332947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835609708084992,0.0,0.0,0.08696648319512051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529085972827226,0.0,0.0,0.08963944461828258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813871315431824,0.0,0.16418406593249588,0.18295840366457206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396128560735691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973819481718589,0.0,0.0,0.08175707921726558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573351983218914,0.0,0.0,0.057800197947352576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563615689467589,0.14275092762175914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052325181772717264,0.16046337401925104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177030200758951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105806706351856,0.0,0.0,0.19266350038112653,0.0648188374288257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871845585575782,0.0,0.0,0.08293088423423788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alienshoes,2019/03/12,It’s my time to die but I am afraid of pain I can’t live with my mental health anymore and want it to be over. I am stuck on earth because I am too afraid to do anything. I tell my parents regularly I  don’t want to be alive anymore and they disregard it as me being depressed.,1.3480327868852484,2.594465114754101,3.482754098360658,91.8224918032787,78.18032786885246,6.191475409836067,25.31475409836065,6.742157984588678,0.7663154098360659,216,8,51,2,5,74,40,61,0.247,0.659,0.094,-0.9042,1,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,7,12,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,11,0,9,8,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193131578507736,0.0,0.0,0.2154567895641593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960395900283655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255064781736024,0.0,0.2717293853846638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783040159562102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311931852643515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638544954592498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278596540574838,0.0,0.2907217962593318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288435351814876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526702247857408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088582138287722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pastypeach,2019/03/12,"Can a victim of sexual abuse ever fully recover? (Posted on a depression sub and got no advice)          
(16f) I fear everything. My boyfriend gets upset when he cant touch me at all. Due to ptsd. Every noise makes me tremble. And i always think that something bad will happen. I feel like ive been through so much i can just turn my numb button on. How i am now affects all my relationships with people. Even if im sitting in a car too long i get so scared someone will hurt me or do something that i always have to be aware of my surroundings. If you might get triggered by sexual abuse, i strongly suggest to not read the rest. Not going to go into a lot of details but about a year ago, i was sex trafficked. I always seen girls on the tv and thought it was 1 in a million and could never happen to me. Until it did. And when it did i became aware of how big it actually is and how often it happens. After i had managed to escape last may, i was in impatient hospital care for 2 months to help with the ptsd but i dont feel as anything worked. My parents didnt know how to react so they werent as close then. I dont blame them because i feel like no one is going to know exactly how to react in a situation like mine. I dont feel like i could ever be in a relationship because the guys I've been with after couldnt understand or even try to understand when id jump or flinch or tremble when theyd even touch my arm or anything. I dont like being touched anymore. I dont like going out. I have no friends because i just have periods where i dont talk to anyone for long periods of time. And going to court is scary. I have to go again soon and face my perpetrator. Sometimes i want to run far away so i will never have to see him again. I just wish i can live like a normal 16 year old girl who likes to hang out with friends and go out. I dont want to be like this when i get older and start a family. I dont want my future kids to fear the world like i do. And the people in it. ",1.8712974551522727,3.1441697919621774,3.907448894451395,89.20720588235297,76.84869976359337,6.773160895563897,23.079474342928663,7.39963492309942,0.7870795994993736,1534,45,345,19,34,525,200,423,0.108,0.7490000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.9603,2,0,2,0,2,0,35.0,0,1,3,2,30,25,1,6,16,0,46,4,2,10,7,73,81,38,0,10,14,1,7,10,2,5,1,0,0,4,10,20,0,0,10,2,0,11,18,11,0,2,12,9,51,14,53,56,5,66,0,2,2,1,19,21,0,11,42,238,61,3,0.0,0.15031363137711126,0.0619007026910033,0.0,0.0,0.061985237434255935,0.056228841361447734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834208127282784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290772377329039,0.044353287523789885,0.0,0.10439863498992527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059596664699757475,0.0,0.05296325942103531,0.11600308924534272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467338228135654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129094239712412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054634083591268985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5947367747366652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568916174537334,0.11475616056087888,0.05344438649387486,0.0,0.05700879489329115,0.0,0.05979825766187369,0.14275777966345046,0.12829295823364975,0.13594798549699347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801516142673132,0.0,0.13256288075870487,0.0,0.2523499721434073,0.0,0.050732546041546873,0.0,0.0,0.06280787686871704,0.16827872477071024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042517284216136916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790551022450471,0.0,0.06851768946283399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972138539164835,0.051705730646736635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098978170011445,0.0,0.056011817983075994,0.11227104841545177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392781046926018,0.0,0.0,0.0423415036356634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729156802623792,0.0,0.0,0.05063099787915645,0.0,0.04662998495924308,0.0,0.09784568683930944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215011386810465,0.0,0.0,0.06656145108604382,0.0,0.04298331820122348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043398064337955,0.0,0.0,0.08795183775239893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060750538538806326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829775619448965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344939199292081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620494446428436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350672439930101,0.0,0.050547271788269454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130048010283585,0.0,0.0,0.053745919525423326,0.09766645369653344,0.06273609379979557,0.0,0.044897656281394895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098442075532447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064480935225885,0.0,0.0503581022588651,0.03698784128241679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306631787847516,0.06899604722647247,0.0,0.13207036933764846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224191168810367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729439298055311,0.0,0.0,0.046179416243585764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169654810065594
suicidewatch,sad_ass,2019/03/12,"I don't feel real I think I'm finally losing it. Nothing feels real. I don't know how to explain it but it just doesn't feel real. When I talk to other people I don't sound like me to me. As I type this out it feels like watching someone else's hands. Almost like a first person videogame. I just wany to hurt myself when I'm like this. But I'm scared too because I know I don't have control. Part of me knows this is real but it just can't convince the majority of me that believes all of this to be fake. I really really wish I could say I was high, but I'm not and haven't smoked marijuana or drank alcohol solely because I thought those might be causing this feeling. I'm so lost. It can't be a PTSD thing because I haven't gone through anything that would cause PTSD. I just want to die. Sorry this is really rambling

Tl;Dr: everything feels fake and it makes me want to kill/harm myself.",1.0878111946533018,3.1264805714285733,2.961431356168198,91.5479448621554,81.91005291005291,5.6720690615427465,21.587580061264273,6.8360192770164,0.4698402116402121,704,22,153,8,19,235,98,189,0.219,0.733,0.049,-0.9864,0,0,2,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,4,9,11,0,1,3,0,19,3,1,5,1,42,43,12,1,5,10,0,7,4,0,2,1,2,0,1,18,3,2,1,12,0,0,1,10,6,0,1,5,10,22,5,13,32,3,7,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,3,8,95,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661295273937232,0.10926497386604436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979404317052493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955024133439608,0.0,0.0,0.12293756069019017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418655701095308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223840614289819,0.08712109363564226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324628112805375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911533022037836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806737780128616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33103718543499344,0.07795324961123591,0.0,0.11953240585199675,0.0,0.09281491566571136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528816504619045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681206975942017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072186007651503,0.0,0.1799036478888054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132363355972045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207407930347294,0.1191141610454486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283648499298101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575595724874042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470076216761984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181631428193404,0.0,0.07564803042518753,0.0952768081275468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25510400826802065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967964131000173,0.20970954860306987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677426591107855,0.10924521288769286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245453101127517,0.0,0.0,0.1221476153513231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877041597099351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249252623393015,0.06991780622393555,0.0,0.08662675730682899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872013846587738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254792341416664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751362884640489,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shiprajarp,2019/03/12,Just wondering Wanted to know peoples personal stories of loosing someone. Do recent ex’s and friends really feel bad when someone’s gone? From my experience people are sad for maybe a week or so and then they move on and basically forget. It’s like people pretend to be sad or are sad for a tiny bit of time and then after that their life means nothing. I guess I’m just having a hard time seeing people actually missing me if I’m gone. ,4.8224137931034505,5.880851413793106,6.205229885057473,76.40025862068967,69.34482758620689,8.558620689655173,30.59195402298851,8.841846274778883,2.5654919540229892,351,14,64,6,6,119,63,87,0.213,0.727,0.06,-0.9077,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,16,17,11,0,2,5,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,3,5,2,9,14,1,12,0,4,1,0,5,1,0,5,9,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.18176283685482936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551927301214316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033476177561189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821979655434584,0.0,0.0,0.0941786240838406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390397056264806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051863272567223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668523244871946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236359400873757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156090668566514,0.09099720020049716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871231486118229,0.2028916828007553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796484327433206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178721439560068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165167709411216,0.1626349985684221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932288947374947,0.0,0.1839092239616953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484250600735632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156348919357953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721934221613848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986094069765767,0.0,0.1494064919110654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199096376267156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YaGurlNess,2019/03/12,I don’t want to hurt everyone I’m in college and part of me wants to find a place where no one will ever find me and just down a bunch of pills. Anyone else feel like this?,4.503076923076922,2.884464564102565,5.327820512820511,91.59634615384618,70.02564102564102,8.825641025641023,24.628205128205128,7.1686216300943375,0.6120666666666668,134,2,35,1,2,44,32,39,0.142,0.7609999999999999,0.096,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,6,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,6,5,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,23,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977749658258009,0.2780935442203291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267297982664145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245507583366746,0.0,0.25934568168356864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723400114194706,0.19389670073667767,0.0,0.0,0.4961310811102295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905520301659059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259813463734516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391571354581787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939126162874495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835676466983084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201715167920917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vintagesweets,2019/03/12,"I'm scared for my friend (Trigger Warning) TRIGGER WARNING

​

I have this friend (15, male) he's gone through a lot of shit. He's had two of his friends kill themselves. He was on the phone with one of them when she killed herself. His mother overdosed, and tried to kill herself in front of him when he was younger. She abandoned him in a different state once. He has a type of depression (i can't think of the name right now) that he'll have for his whole life. It won't go away. This one time, i was sitting next to him while a couple of friends were sitting in front of us and he pulled out a razor and started cutting his wrist. I struggled to get it from him, but I just couldn't. 

​

Last night, he cut himself again. He cut himself really deep in his thighs. He was freaking out because of his phobia of blood. He said that he didn't want to die and I can tell that he doesn't, but fuck, he needs help really bad. Tonight, he did it again, not as badly, but still really bad. He sent us a photo of his cuts and they are very bad. They're all over his thighs. I knew he was bad, but I didn't know he was this bad. 

​

Also, he can't get help from anywhere. His dad won't let him go to therapy. Hotlines won't help, talking to us helps, but it's not the best and he needs professional help. His only alternative is music. He's a vocalist for two bands and he genuinely has such a beautiful voice. As much as I hate to say this in a post like this, I'm so in love with him. I genuinely am and because he is also one of my best friends, I love and care about him so much.

​

Here I am though, crying at 2 am over him. My best friend's mom found out about him and she's going to be calling cps. I'm scared that he'll be sent somewhere that he doesn't want to be in. Or even a foster home would make him worse. His dad is very supportive but he just doesn't want him to be taken to therapy. I'm just scared. 

​

Is there anything I can do to be less scared? Should I say something to him? I just don't know what to do with him anymore. ",1.7957028882429356,3.3163383272311258,2.8683901292596983,95.53398354876616,77.62700228832952,6.005788855216773,23.023625456119728,6.643151254067905,0.3529483455996041,1607,49,377,14,37,513,185,437,0.207,0.6559999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9863,1,0,1,0,0,1,76.0,3,0,2,3,21,38,10,5,13,0,45,9,5,3,1,49,79,28,4,8,13,4,0,1,6,7,1,4,1,1,15,16,0,1,5,1,0,9,14,24,0,5,18,4,54,14,55,47,9,43,0,2,0,3,91,17,2,2,14,235,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386250656813916,0.0,0.31793182630198746,0.35655017747534024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820084216735679,0.0,0.0,0.04829366024618381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055137523150442944,0.0,0.2940026550642322,0.0715490041935631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847623251631656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059925070003812836,0.0,0.05983439057740179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493505386083276,0.06446392559815586,0.0,0.0,0.05054625227758909,0.0,0.060906906870825485,0.0613144842141887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03876161582983962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434627998405955,0.27204441353323555,0.05425435416098565,0.06132213055500271,0.0,0.10005798983048056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794037432027184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668028022806047,0.0,0.0588669436694523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947824250574441,0.0,0.06450469200717887,0.047837004552313656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060010513759978575,0.041451728263955136,0.02867106430411008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049892823921967436,0.10593299373166028,0.0,0.039173427719445104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873245150137602,0.0,0.0,0.08628207260080226,0.08702999966968339,0.0,0.0,0.062413333550562125,0.055072929716286564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249878161474327,0.11930166130987155,0.044633423848211014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620506184298165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112787455971708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011760908287792,0.055823920458472336,0.0933390850451698,0.2350200974780059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060240438714689086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045179427228384736,0.0,0.0,0.041538323916071686,0.0,0.04686679558426424,0.0,0.0,0.0613514542525039,0.0,0.0,0.06659629126775822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047169664508424525,0.05129423844078661,0.0,0.13422534069464487,0.0,0.0,0.03760368349295615,0.057658795673576985,0.0,0.03422033708209285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398440099121591,0.0,0.11465558532619854,0.0,0.21177645884271168,0.0,0.0,0.09684435786485876,0.10384374755418108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552093529079417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980614999746341,0.041688921934922456,0.0,0.35655017747534024,0.0
suicidewatch,PaulReubensIsAHero,2019/03/12,"Ex wife took me for everything So yeah that says it all. You can tell how bitter I am by how much I've lashed out on here to make myself laugh. Didn't help. Nothing helps. Fuck life. Fuck people. I've tried therapy, medication, etc. Life is absolutely not worth living, for anyone, ever. Death is release. I'm going to kill myself and I look forward to it",-0.5849899396378255,1.221970028169018,1.6779979879275686,92.06496478873241,109.28169014084507,4.2820925553319915,14.930583501006035,6.18269132825596,-0.2373388329979882,276,7,56,4,14,92,57,71,0.185,0.653,0.162,-0.4466,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,3,2,8,12,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,0,0,2,3,6,1,8,10,3,6,0,0,1,2,7,3,2,0,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113758876277975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24106515709914506,0.0,0.19552067469116927,0.0,0.0,0.19426230341600764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996556612815909,0.0,0.0,0.1228434187775087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897625035673859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391387139834508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053472504978913,0.0,0.0,0.1908650200425652,0.0,0.1815121413312804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428226454808293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774908077720329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889562835685128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740241744106944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985167309213426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189170497937176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892523098846287,0.0,0.2471871526517981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24015137069657375,0.1467521305507041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TicklePickle14,2019/03/12,"Ever since I became pregnant, I feel like no decision I’ve made is right. My son is the only reason I move on. People will say it’s the pregnancy hormones. They always do.
•Partner and a broke up few days before our wedding. 
• moved in with mom and brother
•brother threatens to beat me and throw me out of the car if I don’t drive him somewhere (he was heavily on drugs)
• phone in hand about to call the cops, I nearly escape as I’m pulling out to get away from him.
• instead of my mom kicking him out, she offers the little Chevy spark for me to sleep in.
•camp out a few days. Shower at truck stops.
• visit my sister in another state
• she offers her home for me to stay in while I’m pregnant
•feeling like I have no choice, I accept.
• change my ID address and all the other things needed to be transferred.
•get a job that I hate because the sudden move has made me lose my old job.
• constantly depressed over the whole situation. Having multiple panic attacks. 
•worried about baby
• find out my mom lied to me all my life about who my Siblings dad’s are, among other things concerning my own dad.
• My sister fought for custody of me when I was a child and I never knew about it until now.
• realize all the hell I been through as a kid coulda been avoided had my mom just let my sister have me.
• ex and I get into multiple fights. He’s mad at me for leaving for the second time. 
• I want to go home, scared nothing will change if I do.
• stay out of state for most of the pregnancy. Constant hell. 
• hear brother has been put in jail far away and not allowed back.
• sister is about to have another child of her own. 
• I can’t stay with her much longer. 
• sister and her husband notice I’m about to have a mental breakdown at their church. •People start crowding me out of concern, but I ran. 
• I get in their car and tell them I just want to get back to the house
• they drive me back
• lock me in the car until I “open up to them”
• can’t breathe. Panic.
• tell them they don’t understand.
• sister tells me to “get out of the muck!” 
• claim up again. 
• they get mad that I claim up.
• finally I tell them enough to let me go inside
• pack my things. Going to live with my mom.
• get back home, despite all the lies, it feels good to be home again where things are familiar
• still having some issues with ex.
• trying everything in my power to make things better between us.
• still love him like crazy
• we discuss the reasons I left. No progress.
• I try and get outside opinions that are non biased from people who don’t personally know us.
• find out that I really was wrong for leaving him in the first place. 
• get bullied for it. He deserves better than me. 
• I really am the asshole. 
• meanwhile I was gone, ex lost his job and soon after, our... or what WAS our home.
• he moved in with abusive brother and drunk mom. 
• he gets beat on a lot. Hurt leg, spine, busted lip, etc.
• he goes to school to become CNA.
• got new job.
• deeply in debt and hasn’t been able to make it to ANY of the baby’s appointments or ultrasounds.
• this is also my fault. Had I not left, he wouldn’t be in that situation.
• He doesn’t blame me, but he has lost all trust in me. Won’t even say he loves me. 
• I don’t think he truly wants to work things out between us. I’ve screwed things up too much.
• saved up money from previous job
•spent a lot on baby’s needs and made a nursery at my mothers house.
• baby daddy still hasn’t sent anything for baby, though I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to.
• worried about what to do when this money runs out.
• I have no working car of my own. 
• baby daddy is an hour away spending much more time on his brothers children and his drunk mum than he can on helping us atm.
• all I want, is to get a cheap apartment for the three of us and work things out together, but he either doesn’t want that or sincerely can’t afford it. 
• my heart is still heavy with guilt. Anytime I’ve ever made a decision, it’s the wrong one. 
• if I chose to turn around and make things better... I’m still wrong. 
• I’ve never cheated on anyone. Never hit or physically abused anyone... but for some reason, I feel like I’m being punished as something worse than any of them. 
• I’ve gotten to a point where I stared at the kitchen knives. Wanting to feel SOME OTHER KIND OF PAIN. Anything different than the heart break.
• scared to. Scared if someone found out, they might declare me insane. 
• scared that if I seek help from someone, that when the baby arrives, they might try and take him from me.
• if my baby is gone... I will truly feel alone",0.22543677073478466,2.6303274503311265,1.6582150741091155,95.98103752759384,92.3774834437086,4.112393566698202,18.007253232418797,5.82211442006289,-0.3246177231157361,3474,98,735,28,126,1109,364,906,0.155,0.7609999999999999,0.084,-0.9969,11,2,2,0,2,0,112.0,9,0,13,14,35,45,11,8,37,0,63,17,8,11,11,121,126,43,0,16,19,25,6,4,0,7,3,3,8,5,34,41,3,2,20,2,6,22,24,30,0,4,26,10,113,15,138,86,25,131,3,6,1,3,105,64,3,19,43,483,147,10,0.04212820451151693,0.09983006698233286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043632114672212285,0.0,0.03368990992735902,0.035054040973681616,0.0,0.0,0.05729724741104045,0.08835019131228777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891404024799375,0.0,0.06933584551464286,0.03750303371327733,0.0,0.047926914456920905,0.11874250474278095,0.1295759554019333,0.0,0.051361924900726885,0.04652729203803972,0.03584799915042302,0.0,0.0,0.11177692013463113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04301760702189529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891321087452249,0.0,0.0,0.09105124551621673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054338413461050984,0.0,0.036284960814706745,0.0,0.0,0.04401500718327656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885534241362609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435296968393148,0.046984084118276884,0.027825281759297462,0.0762147457317856,0.0,0.0,0.03786211377264316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780771607162228,0.09028919316192292,0.0,0.04614938883199855,0.07700883141350197,0.03583422923629305,0.0,0.04619140178724866,0.0,0.0,0.2641229769569853,0.0,0.07182728840624708,0.035335139185135415,0.03369377363258299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159288012600371,0.0,0.0,0.04748154826912236,0.09984425037108764,0.05647529491926249,0.0,0.2112901202444505,0.0,0.04148779536327826,0.09722058353056202,0.04509911424582919,0.0,0.0,0.04397090025887348,0.2090287124454248,0.0,0.0,0.04387004213597179,0.023152559451800874,0.0,0.0,0.0892153714903334,0.09154483493445184,0.08615788677241583,0.02975639672550664,0.08232685098608797,0.04222352839697368,0.03719997640815545,0.0,0.0,0.04713068487101059,0.09197582353173857,0.07163178591368362,0.07604469873312647,0.15945090290467304,0.08436271092692038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245532148816033,0.0893827350435294,0.0,0.29604026376435233,0.0,0.179102457183525,0.0929072329479079,0.06247505968149743,0.09747560532212672,0.04068768243468143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040423148432759314,0.04796324006022148,0.0442064639080555,0.0,0.02854716166350616,0.03204039790060932,0.044827379859521,0.09885674193105484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761917771795233,0.0367847232188578,0.04401500718327656,0.0,0.03982477030246552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235048142223799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397681312881288,0.12994443204117814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03597725646823671,0.0,0.06700407825974845,0.1687107281629061,0.04263599208315218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034848886112780066,0.09470773394704196,0.042158628996986185,0.0,0.07139018194283474,0.03243235003081869,0.0,0.0,0.029818559985930318,0.1347091820199185,0.16821819271058835,0.0352210653477544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0316751668729199,0.0,0.1472876304753759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189296417686485,0.05398810477727585,0.04139074703598804,0.0,0.049130589673423763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858068564860436,0.0458233890900715,0.0,0.0438569466274186,0.2533752145917312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393814567524105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470346358521914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200950388663537,0.08556647326631278,0.04293223951043716,0.0,0.13818173471101433,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ste0086,2019/03/12,I never thought I’d live to be 18... But I’m 2 days it’s actually happening. I’m still suicidal. And I’m still self harming. But I’m alive. ,-2.4809375,-0.7630647187499964,2.024750000000001,91.94525,102.4375,6.3100000000000005,22.025,7.554174236665415,1.2766425,107,5,27,3,5,41,22,32,0.256,0.662,0.08199999999999999,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.3254505683392278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508167892441155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949153737904602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294489031688406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572178748143968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479160946817764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326714419405321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364797870618728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647639249338376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chet_peetah,2019/03/12,"March 18 I’ve picked a date. It’s a few days after my moms birthday, so I’ll get to see my family one last time. But I’m really looking forward to it.",-1.4447142857142836,0.3052987428571434,2.31964285714286,94.01660714285715,90.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,17.32142857142857,7.1686216300943375,0.09600000000000007,116,3,29,2,4,43,29,35,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,4,1,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,7,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259771171077822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797217901549072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044515491745214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32833385737532017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338248591119216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717517566057016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27294612205019164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804249819643665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209775883340829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348745574685829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,definitelynotawoman1,2019/03/12,"I'm completely broken and want to die, it's only a matter of time now. I don't know what to do. I have all these big dreams that I've had since before I can remember. They tell me I'm supposed to want children and that I'm supposed to want to nurture people and be a housewife. There are so many men online that loathe women and I can't believe it. And maybe it's because of things women have actually done. I hate feminism, and I hate that it gave freedom to people who can't handle it, and now women are hated. But the idea that we should bring back the cultural norm that being a wife and mother is the highest calling a woman can aspire to makes me want to vomit. I had bigger dreams for myself than that. I don't want children, I don't like them, no matter how many conservative men try to tell me that I'm wrong, I know deep down I am not. I'm okay with being an outlier, but please don't repeal the 19th amendment. I still want to vote. I am still informed. Just because I have depression and anxiety from being abused as a child and developing a life threatening illness that kept taking me away from jobs and goals does not mean I am ""ruled by my emotions"" in a destructive way. I am emotional but I still fight. I still achieve things. I lead things. On paper, I'm doing well. But any time I read something about men and women, all of the things men are good at ""naturally"" are things I wish I was. I feel so strongly drawn to toughness, rational discourse, leadership, inventing things, being creative. I'm a songwriter and a scientist. I've written over a hundred songs and am developing a wastewater treatment method for hydroponic greenhouses. I want to put math to sustainability to see if all that touchy feely environmentalist crap has any merit at all. I want to write books -- i have so many ideas for books. There's nothing defective about me as a female for wanting this. I am super honest with myself, even when it hurts, and I've been able to confront and overcome a lot of things because of that. I keep honestly asking myself ""Would I really be less depressed as a stay at home mom and not doing what I'm doing?"" The answer is no. I'd be even more depressed than I am now, because 1) I have depression and 2) I do not like children. The idea of sitting around a house all day listening to their high pitched voices and cleaning up their messes and having zero intellectually stimulating conversation sounds like a nightmare. I hated that shit when I was an ACTUAL CHILD, so why would I like it now?

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong body, and not in the transgender kind of way but in a way that my mind is being held back by being a squishy baby incubator instead of a machine built for achievement and exploration. I don't necessarily want to BE a man physically. But I do hate just about everything about being a woman and sometimes it feels like suicide is inevitably going to be how I will deal with this. Fuck I want to die right now...",4.462849816849818,5.7049463264957305,5.4947924297924295,80.47596153846158,70.35042735042735,8.238095238095239,28.287545787545792,8.634040054169528,2.074062271062272,2351,84,453,39,42,776,263,585,0.191,0.6809999999999999,0.128,-0.9948,1,0,2,0,2,3,65.0,1,0,4,6,32,37,11,0,32,1,60,7,3,5,5,89,104,41,3,16,14,3,3,6,0,4,3,4,2,16,34,28,0,4,13,6,0,5,14,21,1,1,11,8,56,16,62,77,8,45,0,5,1,1,37,18,3,2,23,317,90,10,0.06457084639810579,0.07650589427881505,0.1260236632559565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782077955876642,0.0,0.049396520756372284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748174310872897,0.060365024958686266,0.0,0.06066643573330534,0.09930199031932077,0.0,0.15744715455742847,0.0,0.05494503441722975,0.07274923218383461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172365389296917,0.0,0.0,0.06593405362589143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770130393665136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164285411393561,0.06656970734009626,0.2224591015444017,0.0,0.13402868827863426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650638281823756,0.06607839438429132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526702239909284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529687012758554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058032113190406576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794688022720437,0.09225885113734386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969470701429181,0.0,0.0,0.036697100043782696,0.054158962415673854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187517133725465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822264440506998,0.06476982372230923,0.0,0.0,0.07450608729562602,0.06912442655518251,0.2186778779790748,0.0,0.0,0.06407660160507207,0.05739353512981596,0.0,0.06724060009407372,0.07097289701375957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04560829839777576,0.189276323704082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054895824532351,0.0,0.0,0.04310154137157513,0.1963941103577626,0.06487009411853847,0.07033658131980614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519814778290438,0.07562459489563157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195746860434018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910903835953536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953058932933408,0.0,0.0,0.0708793990838663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491153521754245,0.0,0.0,0.0645883201861713,0.0,0.04136573763364427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314618163482102,0.05514315001487165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145460456362495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628104591965962,0.05341367139722847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970979220339405,0.12772443631998762,0.0,0.0,0.06882393083589015,0.20626544537235955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063002568707336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854924055039045,0.0,0.11287553165441105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002860082048146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530355959945415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043839366162637686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189411399640024,0.15375999703593468,0.0,0.0,0.05805694555880414,0.0,0.05826514552160756,0.0,0.07425328668938072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173855330625018,0.14119616807008692,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,love_awake,2019/03/12,"Does everyone think about suicide at one point in their life or is this just not a normal thought? For whatever reason, I always though that suicide thoughts were normal and that everyone has them at one point in their life. I was wondering whether that is true or whether these thoughts should be of true concern. This is a thought that crossed my mind only now as I have felt the feelings of wanting to leave stronger and stronger. I would never be able to tell anyone about these thoughts and I can’t say for sure that I’d be able to control myself if I finally come to that point. I also don’t really think of me as being selfish for taking my life. ",6.920825892857143,6.559908984375002,6.1070535714285725,83.84687500000003,64.625,9.189285714285717,35.473214285714285,8.418075326091056,2.6617464285714285,522,22,104,6,7,158,76,128,0.1,0.802,0.098,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,3,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,15,3,0,2,4,33,28,12,2,6,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,11,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,8,3,14,3,18,14,0,12,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,3,76,24,0,0.2468648643499036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987088714153995,0.1027056715355406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630682652372343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063261108642494,0.0,0.0,0.13843996835695047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080165531927823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358899570476803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062411146437273024,0.0,0.11851449167815578,0.1352141961180398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069712343702242,0.0,0.0,0.2615519315275801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463156986559044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519870106139612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187515268928256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672820209964002,0.09387592674746596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500506358796948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907397671933615,0.12690909791839927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815842428058613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27003009380996845,0.0,0.1163336065620596,0.0,0.09280582763984466,0.0,0.10788538622558176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818103710908288,0.12127173791120158,0.4899578180522228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280364652083025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338572074186955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768285836759689,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nixienoodlebeeb,2019/03/12,"I wish I could summon up the energy to just end it. It isn’t strength that keeps me here, it is actually weakness and apathy. I wish I could one day just have the determination to go through with it. I have nothing to live for and it would just be better all around. I don’t have any hope and I just can’t face the rest of my life looking how it does right now, I am just so isolated and lonely and angry and frightened. I feel besieged. I keep telling my therapist that I don’t want to kill my self, I just don’t want to live my life anymore but I don’t think that’s true. I do want to die, I am so tired, I am just too spineless to go through with it. ",1.1615501165501172,2.480856104895107,3.0029545454545463,94.75776515151516,78.86013986013988,6.444988344988345,22.406177156177158,7.1686216300943375,0.4085855477855485,505,15,126,6,12,169,74,143,0.166,0.6920000000000001,0.142,-0.8135,0,2,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,2,14,7,1,0,3,0,18,5,1,1,2,33,31,10,2,9,8,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,10,9,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,2,21,4,15,27,2,8,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,3,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.15774428100676105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109925591520179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031051708613134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390021688681906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296375037538664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581241599257945,0.0,0.0,0.10424902612028676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776420015542734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414584927888038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317137777496264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173364588371157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373557828366252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055207357072446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28735879277215626,0.17883859933652926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835229679324226,0.0,0.0,0.28547475461554195,0.0,0.13574287733481233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510478088770635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953627875249124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804576579998373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863321052508332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128671651067398,0.0,0.0,0.1876847768881136,0.0,0.10357695388263824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578959668814995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860309962303161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371772443954938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482948327333975,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jonkopinski,2019/03/12,Weird Feeling For around a year now I have this strange idea in my mind that I am going to commit suicide or die before I am 30. I am 20 now and struggle with general anxiety and I have stuggled with depression in the past. I don't want to die and I am not suicidal in any way. Can anyone please explain why I might think this?,0.9733540372670788,3.0126872463768137,2.9615320910973075,91.38652173913046,82.33333333333333,6.2616977225672885,24.349896480331264,7.447530270364453,1.1206505175983432,256,10,56,4,7,86,49,69,0.31,0.5710000000000001,0.119,-0.9364,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,17,14,4,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,0,9,13,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268735183326586,0.0,0.1605146019408146,0.0,0.0,0.14671365150370005,0.0,0.0,0.1867876314501671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785445653471101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18072089686551696,0.0,0.43552787156409584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609319745788093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924767808976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368654849882661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258985098328068,0.21186218337657428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003005207907626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032347937750766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935335137462111,0.0,0.4590262749129985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444659297336556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375948988136708,0.16654833404408692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933330722929487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511962197465
suicidewatch,sweetie2019,2019/03/12,"exhausted. every year i am becoming a worse person. trying so hard. no progress. i've spent my whole life hustling and trying to do things right. coming from a very fucked up family (physical and sexual abuse, mental illness), i always knew i'd have to try harder than people around me to achieve the same things. so i've worked my ass off. got a college degree while working full time and getting no financial aid. $30,000 in debt but supposedly on my way to a decent job. except there are none...trying to get my foot in the door places and by some miraculous turn of fate i make less money now at 25 than i did at 20...when i look at my folder of cover letters I want to vomit. i have a lot to offer, hard and soft skills, but nobody is really interested. going over expenses with my partner, and we consolidate every few months, the bills have racked up so much so fast that I'm never even going to be able to make a dent. I have three jobs and they all suck. there's stuff i'm passionate about but i'm too busy working my shitty jobs to ever get a chance to enjoy my life. i don't even have a life right now. what's the fucking point? I feel like i'm in a horrible computer simulation. every choice is the wrong choice. im in a nonstop cycle of unsatisfying experiences and it's all leading me nowhere, it's totally futile. wanting the simulation to end. ready for game over.  
i get happy thinking about the relief of not having to continue these pointless exercises. no more struggling. finally some peace.",2.3608612975391523,4.7202837214765125,4.1229261744966434,83.19561968680091,79.23489932885906,7.060581655480987,22.68501118568233,8.131152278815165,1.431323131991051,1191,38,228,23,30,400,183,298,0.141,0.7240000000000001,0.134,0.3993,4,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,1,0,1,7,15,12,3,1,17,0,14,12,2,3,5,34,39,16,0,2,5,0,4,1,1,0,7,0,1,2,8,12,0,0,3,2,5,4,6,6,0,1,4,5,23,6,40,34,13,36,0,0,1,4,7,19,4,3,13,145,31,10,0.10807361636872642,0.12804956306841214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992590641567964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962084315054092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935881836644988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309585100967854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957211461538753,0.0,0.0,0.14276320868998527,0.0977587733368184,0.2731700489025153,0.0,0.0,0.1057167345096998,0.10188218720689136,0.0,0.05464526768486555,0.07720781312794776,0.0,0.11838936413530556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982463371566864,0.22585601591456145,0.0,0.12284145347962758,0.0,0.08643634372281407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504637424523982,0.1936254648895265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673805120390475,0.0,0.32173916464016306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900677407333225,0.05279930994853718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907546187139186,0.0,0.0,0.0918803238875968,0.0,0.0,0.14427995626301873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891278611382656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626332950307414,0.0,0.0794465431406898,0.0,0.08335303547067457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749246378527283,0.09436571321946126,0.11291392680862407,0.0,0.1021644999483585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923472602891273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458855574936966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298200912643093,0.12371843435601355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359861703149315,0.06924920954771334,0.0,0.0,0.06301859480960494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934995655034821,0.11755306048899902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917205188892698,0.12748923805024495,0.08578380626072345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066033314433902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603663960097454,0.0,0.1101362480670837,0.0,0.11816153381867735,0.0,0.06959586560876255
suicidewatch,GamePro201X,2019/03/12,I will die tonight. If anyone can convince me not to I would be very thankful but if not at least tell me a prayer I can say before I do the deed to make sure I don’t suffer in the afterlife,1.9478294573643424,2.37259386046512,3.720930232558139,93.91457364341088,75.51162790697674,6.663565891472868,23.635658914728683,6.42735559955562,0.3643240310077521,148,4,37,1,3,50,32,43,0.159,0.687,0.154,-0.3079,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,8,9,3,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,4,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327986805645776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32040092469240505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907806785022089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25133797544387626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994332897423697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548768715041565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32910548788262584,0.3466599964161404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106782614638736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674774674456197,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FalseInstance,2019/03/12,"I want my suicide to make people feel bad When I think about committing suicide, thinking about it's emotional impact makes me lean into it. I want my brother to feel terrible for never calling me, rarely answering my texts. I want my ex to understand just how much it hurt he wasn't really listening to me. I want my parents to know that they raised a kid with so much baggage that he couldn't live with it anymore. I want every single person who promised to help me get a job and never followed through to feel like shit. I can't keep it all in, I want to *show* people how much I'm hurting, I want them to spend one minute reflecting on how selfish they are. 

The only person that keeps me alive is a hypothetical, future me who's happy and thankful he didn't follow through. Three years ago I thought that would be me now. Three years later things are as bad as ever.",2.630948275862071,4.727592597701153,3.7064224137931054,87.85894396551727,77.04597701149423,6.41896551724138,24.66810344827586,7.413659706084162,1.1584724137931035,688,24,137,9,16,222,104,174,0.166,0.6779999999999999,0.155,-0.9042,3,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,3,0,10,11,1,0,4,0,9,1,1,5,5,37,34,9,2,9,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,12,5,0,2,10,1,1,2,6,7,0,3,3,4,25,4,21,28,5,15,0,2,0,0,17,3,1,0,11,91,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634274568290453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897417604091252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033343354681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249884301324405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494576166086053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085162427554411,0.10107664791744624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197545645635416,0.08570383512426538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267735726981193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770618789084004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041077555662451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25685247034890885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190478838959112,0.21326283652250966,0.0,0.0,0.0659302537260474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860939678482375,0.0,0.1059323004136329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015666138361268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645667514208286,0.0,0.1850505672851356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812921619120195,0.0912396561368673,0.0,0.0,0.1332082025814071,0.0,0.0,0.16633883409271488,0.20949961408029816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685338185427427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314351981049206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624469739947744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044870470372227,0.0,0.0,0.07970017346395174,0.15373891830682088,0.0,0.0952397156321257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488898364843705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953139673771504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522050459302795,0.0,0.0,0.1545085231614942
suicidewatch,iimhx2,2019/03/12,"End of the month One week ago was my birthday. I turned 17, I didn’t feel anything that day. Don’t get me wrong, I got clothes and one of my friends FaceTimed me and she wished me happy birthday. I got a lot of wishes from other people and on paper it sounds great. But I feel nothing about it, I feel a little guilty. My grades have been really down lately I have a F in Precalculus and a C+ in AP Psychology. And as much as I say to myself that grades don’t matter I can’t help but feel guilty because my parents put in so much work to get here and have a nice life and now I’m getting bad grades and on top of that I want to die. Sometimes I feel so fucking guilty for being depressed. Then my mom said to me I’m never goin to go anywhere because of how dumb I am. I believe her. I took my second SAT on Saturday and I guess it went well, but I think if I don’t get a high enough score I’m gonna end it. There’s really no point anymore if I can’t even make my parents happy. I’ll find out my score by the end of the month if I get lower than my original score or something low in general I’m most likely going to kill myself. 

In addition to the reasoning mentioned before, I also am a narcissistic asshole who only cares about himself. I lost two of my good friends within the last 2 weeks (they’re not dead). One of which I cared about more than a lot of people I know, and now she hates me. 

Sorry for the extremely incoherent ranting but I honestly don’t know where else to go. And yes I understand I sound like an entitled asshole because I am an entitled asshole who is spoiled with everything but can’t seem to be good at anything, but thats not the point.

Sorry again ",1.8937652582159643,3.4294667380281716,3.7168309859154967,89.49120892018782,77.39436619718309,6.648826291079812,24.22769953051643,7.42949916751922,0.9756460093896708,1312,44,289,17,30,442,184,355,0.142,0.6890000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.738,4,0,1,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,3,15,23,4,0,17,1,19,2,0,4,1,51,59,28,3,6,12,3,5,2,2,1,1,4,0,0,12,14,0,0,12,0,0,6,12,9,1,5,10,9,48,14,42,46,7,43,0,3,0,1,15,19,2,9,20,188,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899795420379006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712678347328635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838136019488338,0.0,0.0,0.14667345771643275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441001878966466,0.16297697960365382,0.0,0.07583306944022014,0.10040575339396753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817239967234945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057473900620959036,0.0,0.07675742072943154,0.0,0.0924906766645696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444686498362581,0.0,0.2367969613982621,0.09208297816779372,0.0,0.058861765617442996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009373942535601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253043321233942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145246873592092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377050824130062,0.08238838887338755,0.23280304488184594,0.0,0.15194387074597376,0.14949632487226822,0.14255201607549545,0.09825318855625836,0.09817380296886324,0.0,0.0,0.18973607494813827,0.0,0.08798582463637368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059734086459031936,0.09415832723444056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859614298554102,0.0,0.09795412241893688,0.07264327065620399,0.10052927111076268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294685763931837,0.08707735376562845,0.0893199017190065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972831005635284,0.15153030361682693,0.0,0.0,0.05948712589733551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437422083606168,0.14226667862632306,0.0,0.1310243400768114,0.0,0.0687334906857054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551136729363569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116650390996566,0.06777844723477458,0.0,0.0,0.19791054706210906,0.0,0.0,0.12356675120229245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849110931492794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958845889956536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418286976027092,0.09162840671617928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477186648508651,0.07087041173662673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112991049086939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860758508937805,0.08814023097262208,0.1995211760469684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057103378090109236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901365817753646,0.0,0.09693506832201018,0.08705558380006989,0.09277524430519904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525642545983651,0.0,0.14297057406553335,0.0,0.08012801212601096,0.08261351337587544,0.0,0.0,0.2049631856783277,0.0,0.0,0.06487914958300715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743681964638347,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CutePandu,2019/03/12,"This is it, I need one reason to live. I sold the last bit of drugs I had so I could buy food..



I'm not an addict. I used to take lsd, MDMA. A bit of cocaine from time to time. Just for fun. 
Mostly because I used to sell LSD, so I just could trade if I wanted another drug. A tab for a pill or a gram of coke/weed. 


Then I moved with my father after a depressive episode, I stopped doing that, deleted phone numbers and stuff. Tried to start from zero. 
A few months pass and then he asked me to leave and when asked why he mentioned that I dealt. Idk how he found out about that. 

I was on psych meds, I had to stop taking them, I got way more depressed after quitting. I took a few loans to survive. 

This month the money ran out. I have to pay rent in three days and I dont have anything. (About 0,20usd). 

Now I have a 1500usd debt. 

Will be on the streets. 

Literally no money, I cannot even afford a ramen pack. 
No friends, they started talking to me less and less (and because I couldn't afford going out, they didn't invite) 

My family hates me because they think I ""destroy kids lives"" 

I have no education, I didn't finish high school.

No skills, Im good at absolutely nothing. 



I just want a reason not to do it, I cannot find any. ",0.17874097834803138,2.296206930232561,1.966476877840151,96.8096511627907,86.28682170542635,4.488853247794707,18.97407110398289,5.727593064623523,-0.3807911253675496,940,26,217,6,29,308,153,258,0.14,0.821,0.039,-0.953,4,0,3,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,4,3,11,7,2,0,14,0,20,5,0,5,0,34,40,14,0,7,7,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,8,10,1,2,5,0,10,5,12,4,0,3,10,0,34,3,30,25,8,32,0,2,0,0,15,9,0,3,17,140,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630063181298454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878635904831713,0.12148558978378003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533998693596413,0.0,0.2166202830013906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118750501718676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252970474203163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500389637863066,0.0,0.0,0.07471782583805855,0.0,0.19957398164650794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357828968242808,0.0,0.2687134005733575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652209271352117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921915032369207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589069660031186,0.0,0.14009407950622932,0.12703061772052987,0.0895104060589755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584389058279247,0.097174893686984,0.09266098694290484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438425877434087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122408700636203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514484732294515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443847009781443,0.0,0.1226752524504696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460673629617496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869039824651884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849510264887826,0.12313707146233753,0.0,0.08590608983919627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116738866841704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850732906928343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322759587969775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382394534169356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725291292081062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640075835756542,0.0,0.0,0.19372236021360584,0.0,0.0,0.13262791710882402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421926413060904,0.09312102613639378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423613523362764,0.0,0.0,0.1351136556525069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287207791252708,0.07865892469398922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012554925860676,0.0,0.0,0.13667027217414138,0.09196145752448756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045424260210769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Butternubs24,2019/03/12,"I rationally just want to die I'm 22. I live with schizoaffective disorder. It's been 8 years and every single medicine or treatment has left me without results. I live in constant pain. Nobody I meet cares. I've never had a romantic relationship. And I want to die. I have run out of hope. I wanted to try this esketamine stuff that just got approved by the FDA but I can't even do that because I have schizoaffective disorder, which has psychotic components plus severe depression. All hope is lost. I want peace. I'm so tired of pain and suffering, and trying my hardest to function to no avail. There is nothing that can be done for me and I can't do it anymore. So I just want to end it all, knowing that I gave all I can but the cards were stacked against me from the beginning... I think that is a rational and good decision.",1.6970699614890918,4.254952615853662,3.173876765083442,87.68126444159182,83.8170731707317,7.111168164313222,26.314505776636715,8.20500826718156,2.0194804878048784,655,29,131,15,19,214,101,164,0.227,0.644,0.129,-0.9669,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,5,0,18,3,0,1,4,31,34,12,2,7,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,7,0,19,4,17,26,4,9,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,3,5,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842649574886146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508706709394112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231177255273353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508370928698507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022060704731433,0.0,0.2897253500486083,0.0,0.319943029164567,0.0,0.0,0.14283946362168992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362702383572464,0.0,0.0,0.09219170116919248,0.0,0.11760271547030605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707362465213275,0.11163539463385963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27727015461709165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670987344339045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165478177125785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465045377214011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236876505293856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765320012307332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339313956591162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29704729993082235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498573786726681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157686401472547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597864468574398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943764281298933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042742100517984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953219449517014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116414111334246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134550763114372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988536057279589
suicidewatch,thrownaway6532,2019/03/12,"why don't I have any redeeming qualities I have so many fucking problems. none of them are even big enough that a normal person would consider them problems but I'm overwhelmed and I don't know how much more I can take. I want a break. from work, from school, from myself. I have nothing going for me. I'm ugly I'm overweight I'm stupid I'm socially incompetent I'm not funny I'm not interesting and I'm a coward. prom is coming up. who am I going to go with? no one. who would want to go to prom with me? I cant believe she went to homecoming with me but there's no way she would go to prom with me since I fucked up homecoming for her and she probably hates me now. I love her though. I friends which I am eternally grateful for but its like i cant make new ones. some of the people at work seem to treat me like a friend but I don't have their phone number or anything like that. maybe they just treat me like another one of the mentally challenged people there. they just act nice because I'm nice but they don't actually see me as an equal or want to associate with me outside of what's necessary. I can't blame them but it sucks. none of this really matters though. I could handle all of this if I wasn't so lonely. if she loved me back I would be ok. I just want someone to hold. I could get up every morning for work and for school and I could make do with the great friends I have already and ignore everyone else if I just had her to wake up for. ",0.28409385113268826,2.501874359223301,2.192451456310682,94.63165453074434,86.96116504854368,5.633980582524273,19.58656957928802,7.054809383877858,0.30035987055016244,1143,34,260,17,36,378,149,309,0.152,0.62,0.228,0.9787,0,2,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,7,4,14,27,5,1,8,1,28,6,1,3,1,54,61,23,0,17,17,0,0,4,3,4,1,0,0,1,10,13,1,2,2,0,0,8,14,10,0,3,3,1,48,17,36,50,8,20,0,2,1,4,24,6,3,7,8,176,58,9,0.0,0.0,0.099063910740199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202423009371616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903362148483752,0.10644723683515432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353812322346793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078058701446709,0.0,0.06188254833418438,0.0,0.0,0.11437254333482125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744610823496175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431541914760299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480268314975764,0.0,0.0,0.1048920410922204,0.0,0.06704964218962345,0.0,0.08553069194743422,0.09700184906540993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529050836223706,0.187697801334834,0.05303735182336075,0.0,0.28846632047014525,0.0,0.0,0.11192054923229312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022495923702952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055789940976914934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838023380917655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832423435845408,0.0,0.13552398452429215,0.10292018771568613,0.10198537397560477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023031550749858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462514102429822,0.0,0.0,0.09804373491595854,0.0,0.0,0.09946306043498217,0.09740629626109422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636739548139804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407553165920109,0.08863890584125468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945024516226576,0.19427212243909334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503305228191962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054770218181,0.0808942419537587,0.09241536355948128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397418451254654,0.0,0.0,0.10348166905471756,0.08601325579604914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632658039181399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947577190638194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395045018316766,0.08057781228405479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941053407721538,0.09160141875092537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217121956575447,0.0,0.0,0.2884531244805189,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,someaccount6667,2019/03/12,"Am I ugly ?(21F) [what I look like ](https://imgur.com/a/ZfVvqAQ).        The second pic is me in high school 





In high school something bad happened to me. It was by some older guys when I was 16. It made me an outcast. I was ridiculed a lot for my looks from this group of guys in my grade. Everyday in class they would pick apart my looks. They said I looked 40, that I was gross, that I have wrinkles, and that no one would ever want me. They would also say that I’m a slut. 

I had to switch schools my senior year. At 18 I had no confidence. During high school I talked to this one boy who was two years my senior. At first he acted super interested in me, but after what happened to me sophomore he said I was gross. He would only hookup with me drunk. It was like I was filth to him.

When I was 15 a random girl at a party took a photo of me squinting my face because of the camera flash. She posted it on Twitter she was a popular senior from our school. Her friends all liked it 35 of them and all laughed calling me trashy, ugly, and look like a 40 year old.  


Why else would people treat me this way unless I’m horribly ugly. It’s been a couple years since high school I’m suicidal over my looks. I want a lot of plastic surgery. I barely leave the house. I must be so horribly ugly everyone will treat me this way.


.

Are most guys like this? Why did he act this way towards me? Am I ugly? Do people treat me this way because I’m ugly?
",0.6662732408834096,2.894027403389831,2.0963636363636367,95.95473549049824,85.13559322033899,4.796096558808424,18.091936312275294,6.11248444174946,-0.3186723163841805,1104,27,245,9,33,355,148,295,0.172,0.6759999999999999,0.152,-0.8972,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,1,0,4,2,5,18,1,0,13,0,28,3,1,2,4,24,46,9,1,8,2,0,0,5,1,7,0,3,0,5,20,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,5,0,5,18,9,46,13,28,20,6,39,0,0,6,1,26,16,0,5,20,157,66,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263471960609304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539627140693262,0.09548971105956362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997634187063933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666269503952036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542865419274277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084746203021804,0.0,0.07484079751756623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662133871402791,0.0,0.0,0.06051200557448187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326556752982898,0.1385211972402027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310093787478804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037400222362144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829325425609487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132283370171246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946285852778597,0.0,0.0,0.13317449750566818,0.0,0.07411093273851523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218660951092016,0.0,0.10614712061853727,0.0595680232716382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085983437437384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501159765902185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900584836570385,0.062285438923894564,0.0,0.4756011663457448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478943443200108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029672251208164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856724373831497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295290459250351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701951925955978,0.0,0.0,0.07651000064616426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239364042454053,0.2486759908872638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134830003986845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781913707129265,0.0,0.0,0.20174927642304785
suicidewatch,k1l2l3y,2019/03/12,"I'm a teacher who reported another teacher for child abuse. now they have filed bullying complaints about me and I may loose my job, freaking out and feel like ending it all.",4.051818181818181,6.454265696969702,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,73.84848484848484,8.036363636363637,32.21212121212121,8.841846274778883,2.9972303030303036,140,7,25,3,3,44,30,33,0.375,0.5660000000000001,0.059,-0.9246,1,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,16,6,2,0.0,0.5157656498555734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564556071580178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855513284695663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010346090723246,0.3109822240517032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319733842589434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266820249112472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TylerBlanc,2019/03/12,"I’m burning up Laying in bed. On fire even though it’s cold. I’ve been very serious about work and uni and it’s only getting more difficult. 

I have so much work for this semester and I have all these girls who wanna date me (poor me, yeah yeah), and I care about them so much but I’ve been ignoring all them to work. It breaks my heart in a way that I can’t explain. It feels like I’m destroying the hearts of goddesses.

I’m working on things that are far more important than any one girl...shit that’s way bigger than myself. I’m gearing up to do great things with my life and maybe even for the world.

I have a few more days/weeks of intense work and then I’ll be in greener pastures. It’s just been so dark lately. Even though I can logically acknowledge that things will be better, I can’t fully conceptualize it. I can’t imagine or emotionally feel a better future.

I’ve never been suicidal, but right now that thought is all that feels good. Every thing feels so bad that the perceived/imagined nothingness of death is better than my current situation of unending pain. I imagine putting the barrel of a gun in my mouth and it’s alluring. 

Even sleep hasn’t been providing me any release. I’ve been having nightmares of the people I love suffering horrifically. Some of these dream moments have left me with shadows throughout the day. 

I never owned a gun and don’t have access to one. I have too many people relying on me for me to ever commit suicide. I’m just posting this because I can’t really tell anyone in my life and I just want someone out there to understand how bad I want a little bit of perfect stillness.

Going to lay here a few more hours and then go run. That’s a big part of the issue—I’ve been working on school so much that I’ve neglected the gym for far too long...about ten days, come to think of it! I will run until I can’t feel. I’ve done it before and can hardly wait. Imagining gun mouth till then. 

All I feel is pain. I don’t want to eat or sleep or move or lay still or read or play guitar or see people. I want to feel nothing!",2.0981833060556454,4.073271191489365,3.5364539007092226,89.02615384615387,78.21985815602838,6.60796508456083,22.902891434806328,7.61054688173877,0.9485478450627384,1626,51,343,24,39,534,200,423,0.153,0.7120000000000001,0.135,-0.9458,1,0,0,3,0,2,44.0,0,0,2,10,25,20,1,0,16,2,34,12,6,1,9,62,62,33,3,5,12,0,9,1,0,2,4,0,1,1,27,15,1,3,16,5,1,7,11,10,0,3,9,11,34,10,45,49,17,50,0,2,1,1,7,20,0,8,20,224,61,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211996476108746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057641862523971465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376628921466649,0.05025282600941743,0.0,0.07014780959139859,0.0,0.0,0.21872646440922897,0.08999984577235028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840500088842944,0.0,0.0,0.071012170323062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633008177025456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843616657362777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435362464146652,0.0,0.09273052183188324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779542657182666,0.07456898011540858,0.0694567223975351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29177834563738964,0.05889300453940712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306992657746268,0.0,0.09370168619352236,0.06914423884701516,0.0,0.09088707622504204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384735378909446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537646813809234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118383280746677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929925192306629,0.0,0.08956803451026311,0.0,0.11645537274580775,0.04027455091007079,0.08262352433784216,0.0,0.07295414499674316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440260507682586,0.0,0.0,0.08357817228538224,0.08281904013106581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761747769479958,0.18180202635986314,0.0,0.1271609827418067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910051848214747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172288039528552,0.06269704821553668,0.1754375463842237,0.0,0.0,0.0892712303997008,0.0,0.1714542942640442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895185196436336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287194759309621,0.0,0.0,0.08245930199703502,0.0,0.052811248876435415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040074191490829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343063839740257,0.06569161056705103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462038904889724,0.0,0.09266263452909533,0.16499305677316195,0.0,0.06984859696921437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166857879634045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803453813754919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205356576807039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190699014016512,0.052822296695353134,0.16198785487261835,0.065445764438919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581981740099398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801915303545672,0.1944938982477357,0.13086929643113168,0.06612598356333174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600906779848874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hurricaneccc,2019/03/13,"Lost I am a lost soul simply wasting space in this world. I truly hope you all find your way in life—there is a place for you. For me, not so much. Good luck out there. ",-0.6382432432432452,1.1827624054054056,0.7742567567567562,105.98679054054057,87.1081081081081,3.7,11.952702702702705,3.1291,-1.982724324324324,127,1,34,0,4,40,30,37,0.225,0.568,0.206,0.0391,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,5,3,2,7,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882663298315433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26453929244275826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132595011722113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227735992256392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6885842206944423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318524301270546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329521805365496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503467509199983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cantcontinueanymore,2019/03/13,"Can’t hang on I had it all... a wife of 13yrs, 3 children, owned a house and a well paying job. We like any relationship have had our ups and downs. She decided she has had enough and has kicked me out about 4-5 months ago. I begged her to give me another chance but she won’t. I could never trust a woman again. I quit my job as I couldn’t hold it together at work, I now live with my mother who has offered no support. All my friends are getting on with their lives(inc my ex who had a new man within a few weeks) i have no one to talk with and no one that cares if I’m alive or dead. I just seem to be spiraling down the drain. I keep thinking no one would miss me when I’m gone. I’ve stood on the top of a cliff(a lot lately)and stared over the edge with my feet half off the cliff and pictured what would happen if I jumped. I’ve written notes to my kids explaining why I can’t continue with all this pain. I can’t see a way out or a way forward. I have nothing left in my life and the only reason I didn’t kill myself is I didn’t want to hurt my kids. I don’t care about anything and I don’t know how much longer these suicidal fantasies will last or how much longer I can keep them at bay. I’m thinking now that the short term hurt for the kids would be better in the long run without me around. I just want the pain to go away forever...",1.9793298169407367,2.8882218771331054,3.1761045609680423,96.0126085944772,75.96245733788395,6.555941669252249,22.19190195470059,6.7829847944221076,0.20654402730375399,1042,26,259,9,22,337,167,293,0.177,0.7170000000000001,0.106,-0.9835,2,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,2,0,2,4,12,14,1,0,18,0,29,4,1,3,4,49,53,17,3,9,9,3,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,6,9,16,0,3,7,1,1,6,15,6,1,4,9,2,40,8,35,35,10,41,0,3,2,0,25,21,0,7,15,171,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060311785642926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134207026219634,0.12542639994286767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984326729883036,0.10648240678881599,0.0,0.0,0.11238191013035588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057894459985423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24391023464100456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550257252516164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359391833937852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241398925900017,0.0,0.06249372270704639,0.11474528085575053,0.06797976754881244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577484841535552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380192573605361,0.2560999339762484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23739818553693315,0.21263801075695665,0.13233589841683344,0.0,0.0657370887005361,0.09750191229727644,0.0,0.0,0.12996167759962082,0.0,0.08448737147291162,0.05843768069114415,0.0,0.10562193583355872,0.10585520965670314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169210609713744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547528007030827,0.0,0.175861075631329,0.0,0.0922541994624656,0.11552458356909015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477349187294897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431619669085631,0.09097233863830964,0.2545568624646157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722491410144704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298379182101295,0.0,0.12842137983065358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953173971070748,0.10889269365091657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083902331370634,0.13573729817074826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614173243148694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328848803545847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110365063481078,0.18988909830909695,0.09594766485392536,0.0,0.10754794408748444,0.0,0.10793362538268657,0.0,0.0,0.1153042633566801,0.0,0.0870808967633397,0.0,0.0,0.2549124667173723,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SomeBetus,2019/03/13,I'm killing myself in 3 days I've decided to not be a fucking pussy and I'm killing myself for god's sake. I've had it with these fucking assholes doing this shit to me. I'm done here. Once they realize the pain they've caused me I hope they suffer. I'm a terrible fucking person and this is why I'm doing it.,-0.39358695652173736,1.6465185362318877,2.3099818840579713,93.86323369565218,88.27536231884058,5.189130434782608,21.668478260869566,6.6274283507984215,0.4462304347826085,245,9,56,3,8,85,43,69,0.341,0.621,0.038,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,3,0,6,5,1,1,0,8,15,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,0,7,1,5,12,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,1,4,1,1,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422460088525573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076683731513848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336717283809654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053644945563634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679250600251215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482969385045862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23245165558714695,0.0,0.0,0.2322558972934377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058595270702627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405220311082485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196955766728734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thestrongestarm,2019/03/13,The only thing i think about is suicide i can’t think of anything other than cutting and suicide i’d feel bad to hurt my older brother he’s the only person that cares about me but i can’t stop thinking about it ,0.11333333333333327,2.46699577777778,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,91.22222222222223,3.0,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.3623333333333334,170,6,34,0,6,56,34,45,0.279,0.677,0.044,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,6,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025073594285328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054710736997137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509005193865504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442819873879872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634395663801299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743181510649712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487232501656472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573845712539096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383550871287488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634882398385605,0.4730448640748822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,that-bitch-periodt,2019/03/13,I always have to quickly start new series so I have some motivation for something to do Coz then I’m like I can’t kms yet I wanna find out what happens. But I’m running out of series,-1.0229166666666671,1.0755638750000005,2.055000000000004,92.20333333333336,97.75,3.6666666666666674,19.166666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.1895833333333332,145,5,31,1,6,51,30,40,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.6326,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890256216367248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273174743911545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413438644900488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284134260462494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515471116152795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35993040406816085,0.0,0.0,0.3309228697355568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,martinduquer,2019/03/13,"im 13 im desperate tell me what to do im 13 and i want to kill miself bc i have too many preasure
i keep thinkig how should i do it and how my mom would react pls tell me how to get over it
. im just good at games but i suck at all
 im a waste of space
last year i got in a online school bc the bullyng in the irl one but this one just got boring
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suicidewatch,setsail2,2019/03/13,"Can life slow down a bit? I have bipolar. I'm all over the place most time. I know I'm always going to be like this. I'm in a down now. I cant do school. But I have important hw and classes to do to keep up and pass. I cant do anything now. I need a week or something. To slow down and to get my life together. But life doesn't slow down or stop for me. 

I guess I could kill myself ",-2.480318352059925,-0.7631666067415708,0.5609269662921328,104.25090355805244,97.08988764044943,3.8655430711610492,14.158239700374533,5.46131890053228,-1.2650456928838951,288,6,80,2,12,100,54,89,0.087,0.8590000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,11,4,0,0,1,15,20,7,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,11,1,13,18,3,18,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,9,51,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184454193163914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962123607736693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26483262886028425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367899902816316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267371269633121,0.0,0.13786281337659614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672272980289154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156147001584523,0.2683768998380874,0.0,0.13331466579280876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140205893328028,0.11851148301587658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986870348316436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534426478732213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550214619438784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674859314086212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280628435390227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144933211707286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458164525465466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whygoon123,2019/03/13,"Can't keep going on I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He was the only good thing in my life, now I have no reason to live. I don't have any friends since I recently moved to a new country to study. I don't see any reason to go on. I can't imagine a life without him , and he refuses to get back with me.. The only reason I haven't done it already is that I remember my parents and how devastated they would be. But it's hard for me to continue, it feels difficult to even breathe. I have been depressed for years now and I don't see it ever getting better. I can't bear a life like this for the rest of it. I just need someone to tell me that my parents will be alright eventually.",2.3295732838589984,3.3046415986394564,4.31161410018553,87.95254174397034,75.19047619047619,7.522325293753865,27.649350649350648,8.00094639256281,1.5736857142857148,533,21,121,8,11,183,84,147,0.147,0.7979999999999999,0.055,-0.9014,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,0,0,6,1,18,4,1,4,1,20,27,5,0,2,3,2,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,0,0,3,9,3,0,0,3,4,21,5,19,20,1,16,0,2,2,0,9,4,0,0,10,86,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594299868688352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921960978540963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866138483630416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498033704777675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171313971413678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461280823209324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333625640796947,0.12782618180161318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145236875688865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091784857789936,0.0,0.14766097796569574,0.0,0.16062347582002018,0.1185270876940208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658916960381328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560596193092555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994417844794475,0.06903865466097807,0.0,0.1247824394533526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019392266704695,0.0,0.10478219483953692,0.0,0.1364814916600271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495062078682384,0.0,0.0,0.3138239122231918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358815458797923,0.27906013314881284,0.0,0.1600806865274089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521718125120235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689601556928456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973449872796996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351425731006715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938824327504868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622120393334952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038508002791496,0.0,0.0,0.09100128271142904
suicidewatch,LonelyInteractive,2019/03/13,"Maybe I’m dramatic but I want to kill myself. I’m so fucking done with life. My parents fucking hate me and blame all their issues on me so if I kill myself then all those issues would go away. 

If I kill myself then all of their issues and my issues would go away. Fuck it they can mourn if they fucking want too. They don’t want me while I’m here then they can want me when I’m gone. 

Im just so done. Maybe I’m just dramatic. My dad calls me a dickhead, asshole, and all of that. I’m only 14, I can’t handle being called those things. 

I want to kill myself. I’ve thought about it for months. ",-0.8770451436388527,1.2214273875969006,1.090341997264023,100.7608481532148,92.95348837209299,3.6554491564067484,14.564979480164158,5.0885558068054335,-1.1897354309165524,459,9,110,2,17,150,63,129,0.315,0.638,0.047,-0.9947,1,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,6,0,9,10,9,0,1,0,9,5,0,0,4,22,29,15,5,10,6,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,10,0,0,4,0,23,0,10,22,4,12,0,1,0,4,10,3,4,3,6,72,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407118754018005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217905248616208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222760617094852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016049271073906,0.0,0.0,0.12344257075093387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722245322662304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730930184291598,0.4534110436263802,0.0,0.0,0.4806101607063745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767091349872343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821155277374876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668545392260718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259707081723927,0.0,0.0,0.120590188607778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215065411769211,0.0,0.0,0.08621822867109409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202827474401788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429615478585645,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LittleBean92318,2019/03/13,"I don’t know anymore... Kinda a long story, but to sum it up I’m in a LDR now because my boyfriend had to move back to Europe. I love him so much. Being away from him physically hurts me, but that isn’t the problem. 

I was sneaking out and when my parents found out (his neighbor saw me leaving his house early in the morning and told his stepmum who told my Mum). My parents have always been aggressive. Correction: my Mum has been abusive (mentally, physically, and emotionally) and my dad just let it happen, which in my book makes him just as bad. 

They constantly treat me like an outcast as well. Growing up I just wanted to make them proud, but I never fit in. I wasn’t like them or my sister who is 7 years older than me. They have always loved my sister more as well. She’s the miracle baby, she wasn’t supposed to live being 4 months premature. I was just the accident who lived after my parents used a condom and my mum took the morning after pill. 

She smoked and did drugs throughout the pregnancy with me, and now I have a ton of medical problems. (This stresses me out a lot). I feel like I’ll never be enough for anyone. I tried so hard to make them proud but I just can’t. It doesn’t help that they didn’t notice when something was very off when I was 10. 

They dropped me off at a family friends house, and the oldest son and the youngest daughter ended up raping me. 4 years later I entered a horrible relationship because I was scared of this person and ended up getting raped multiple times throughout the relationship but I was too scared to leave because of how abusive he was. Then about 8 months ago I was sexually abused and forced into things I didn’t want to do, it just wasn’t full on sex. They never noticed how my demeanor changed and when they found out what happened (not through me) they blamed me for it all. 

I don’t want to be alive. I feel so alone even though I have a good boyfriend and amazing friends. I go to bed hoping I don’t wake up. I want to die because of everything I have been through and because of everything I am going through right now. My parents cut off the heat to my room as well when they know I need heat because of my medical problems that make my muscles eat away at themselves. I just don’t know anymore...",3.909729078868154,5.108942108167773,4.637367047963075,86.26473208910295,71.62693156732892,7.34521372667068,28.95906080674293,7.686295010490155,1.6796701986754965,1777,69,362,21,33,571,210,453,0.183,0.6659999999999999,0.152,-0.9692,4,1,3,0,1,1,51.0,0,0,11,2,28,28,4,3,19,0,39,12,1,7,5,64,69,36,1,9,14,12,3,3,3,0,4,0,3,1,16,20,1,0,7,1,0,6,16,12,3,0,24,4,73,16,55,40,7,62,0,1,1,6,47,26,0,4,32,261,89,1,0.0,0.2597251590782356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477143660044081,0.0,0.0,0.07567765414912966,0.0,0.0,0.12159885484648192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493002321948648,0.0510916832235846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730183641467375,0.05618570411163023,0.06100972946766694,0.2672538348144449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729752442527829,0.0,0.0,0.07896184633485206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583429292683662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473707346736395,0.07476803281904135,0.0,0.08219301457550905,0.12943524531296205,0.0755000156964682,0.0,0.04826151712796256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313397699362898,0.0,0.0688831382824558,0.0,0.07389196548705029,0.05220065071216589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602332114947961,0.11290616453260742,0.0,0.03817564091104177,0.0,0.08305381989564015,0.06128697778352379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922970358010652,0.0,0.06545565048532785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897674418232988,0.0,0.0,0.07257420215930054,0.0,0.1686240914948851,0.07822208930206999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047076333729148,0.0,0.0,0.15473946379067965,0.0,0.07471820706337727,0.0,0.107093760001964,0.0,0.12904288367050312,0.06466394219081611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621208204230431,0.13189561069487613,0.0,0.19509703219209945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721906242340907,0.07363656702198076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664627581657135,0.0776609953117067,0.0537142690714934,0.05417988556183443,0.1690664136488195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637953582665913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245387954863505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638012065800943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209752067089277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689794972520502,0.0,0.062400697117064766,0.0,0.0,0.14631003141925966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625223960183008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370052113527776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485439293429337,0.0,0.07179011750165068,0.0,0.042607237826775335,0.0,0.0,0.13964150283978158,0.0811825691926125,0.04960919006224857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310832780962722,0.0,0.06028974200094324,0.1723924280562744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970939567859191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410833760136106
suicidewatch,raptureocean,2019/03/13,"Sorry I dont know who will see this, but im going to try and slit my wrists tonight. i know this is a really painful way to go out but i have been drinking quite a bit so maybe it will numb it to some extent. im sorry. ",-0.9070588235294108,0.5521120196078471,1.8076078431372584,100.27023529411764,85.66666666666667,4.864313725490196,16.08235294117647,5.6839178017228535,-0.912501176470588,167,3,45,1,5,58,37,51,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.8397,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,0,7,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,8,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759390057918925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550589209277697,0.21319302759615685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24736652515915486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701521393989445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392058077317569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186370278537698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315720132393602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147464348380736,0.0,0.0,0.13941835685751244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734216970708388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872344613714639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775543108165573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727433327151287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Life_is_like_weird,2019/03/13,"I Don't give a shit about people who loves me Even when I am not suicidal, I don't give a shit about people who loves me when thinking on killing myself, curiously the only thing that makes me feel bad is my cat. She would be so confused not knowing where I am.
",9.875454545454543,5.039103181818182,9.509545454545457,75.8643181818182,62.63636363636363,12.454545454545455,38.40909090909091,8.841846274778883,3.1066363636363636,205,6,46,2,2,67,38,55,0.163,0.584,0.252,0.7137,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,3,0,7,4,2,1,0,8,15,3,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,10,2,3,13,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,2,2,1,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887489618782804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930915668789194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143017015361289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337108054649889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500996497034648,0.0,0.12423554797462545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080522862858008,0.0,0.15089544984504427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192727217886994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134402650539845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640905137950789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24727072766930336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018286999333774,0.1448488188763651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605850954370905,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,they_call_me_jeff_1,2019/03/13,"Every day is a struggle and it’s not getting any easier And who knows if if things will ever improve? I drag myself to school and sit through class to go home and do my work in the hopes that I’ll be struck by an urge to do something or have a sudden force that will guide me. I sit in my dead end class resenting myself and go home and sit in my messy room to procrastinate till the day before assignments are due to finish them. I’ve been abusing my pills to be able to stay up all night to study which is nice in the short run but has been taking its toll on me for a while now. I go to my shitty job on the weekends and watch rich fucks who have their lives together frolic while I sit and pray to have a dream revealed to me. I can’t keep living like this. No clear path and a shitty job can’t be my destiny, I’d rather die. My parents and friends think everything is all good, I smile around them and laugh, I tell them I’m doing well when asked how I feel but they can’t know, I’ve let them down too much for them to know the my self hate has never gotten better. I’m sick and tired of seeing everyone makes big moves with their lives while I’m stuck doing the same shit. They always tell me to do what I enjoy, but i don’t even know what that means. I’m living my life for other people and I don’t know if I can keep up this fake ass facade that everything is fine and dandy and I have a plan when everything seems to keep falling apart. I held a razor to my arm last night and though long and hard about my family before reluctantly deciding not to do it. I can’t keep living for others, I can’t keep struggling every day, things need to improve soon or that razor will be lodged in an artery very soon ",6.0848199023199,4.462461260989013,6.301062271062275,85.90504884004886,66.88461538461539,9.407570207570208,26.81562881562881,7.793537801064563,1.2143423687423691,1345,24,310,12,18,432,186,364,0.188,0.687,0.126,-0.974,3,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,9,3,14,18,4,2,15,0,35,8,3,2,5,57,68,33,2,6,11,1,2,1,1,3,4,0,3,1,19,19,0,6,11,2,1,6,11,7,1,0,5,4,42,11,38,55,4,49,1,0,2,2,17,15,3,7,24,197,61,8,0.08961005060958117,0.10617325682844077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456274061865628,0.0,0.0,0.060937907274085164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977194347651068,0.08377330085230526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250310595332614,0.0,0.0,0.079252807680653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337320816596782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300108493030784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936790716793299,0.0,0.0,0.05918659329511311,0.08105742104858282,0.1510006649767276,0.08562624351180909,0.2416072061954183,0.0,0.08447638062444109,0.0,0.0453095340689636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923250281362088,0.08284304783143949,0.0468175529250607,0.0,0.15278237047755494,0.07516065893126203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027300413847815,0.08847137295088181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797723742366817,0.08900299954373148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784829634473925,0.3982476515745701,0.0,0.0,0.2462367015487256,0.07304415134094211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163234801497534,0.06329422882958305,0.04377894434934911,0.0,0.3956365821024645,0.07930207492563572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981540461534213,0.0,0.0,0.09761161520034912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524130234489624,0.06587369786261353,0.06644471708217603,0.06911279531449795,0.0,0.0,0.16818592429157195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950135656742164,0.0,0.0,0.062124326135073016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069015526917358,0.07140760848347312,0.08157762455683218,0.09348282601165188,0.0,0.09198342921970602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898619491022469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551239095319268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873597626501068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737560595000723,0.0,0.1566462679112702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906587169023045,0.057418502135362676,0.08804141974883581,0.0,0.0,0.10299357100474507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393767647659877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057019723245808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523718409432691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McCreepy-Bun,2019/03/13,"Any reason to live? I’ve been struggling my entire childhood, teen years, and so far adult life doing this impossible balancing act of being emotionally strong, healing my traumas, being independent, taking care of others, being a student, and having a social life. 

I’ve had three big breakdowns this year so far and I can’t think of a decent reason to live anymore. I cry in my car for hours at a time after work, parked over a cliff contemplating why I even try so hard to live. 

I’ve dealt with violent abusers, adults who get off on doing things to little kids, physical, emotional, and mental abuse, and a few other things that I’ve been working through alone. I don’t tell anyone because from experience people really don’t care and don’t want to deal with the bad reality of life. 

My 22nd birthday is coming up and I’m thinking about going out with a bang. Ironically, my birthday may or may not fall near April fools. I feel my whole life is a cosmic joke and I’m looking at my reasons to live and the list is non-existent. ",6.1672333333333365,6.472549790000002,6.781000000000002,76.13133333333336,66.1,9.266666666666667,30.66666666666667,9.075114841892004,2.516366666666667,818,28,151,13,12,269,127,200,0.152,0.777,0.071,-0.9573,0,1,0,0,2,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,1,1,10,0,18,5,0,4,0,26,31,13,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,8,14,0,0,6,1,0,5,5,5,0,1,3,3,12,4,27,23,2,25,0,0,1,0,7,13,0,3,7,93,20,3,0.0,0.2766200360908965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090062142786565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938273070354629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576818856106436,0.08162272365571305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746753237424087,0.07115961127348218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380350095581997,0.0,0.0,0.10055550776245743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822618395407764,0.0,0.12034703352312122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626187783153674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710132505328668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141876872311592,0.0,0.0,0.059023926192970685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098839560297181,0.0,0.06634229450052533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045702183638884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495890764806113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32980907596110803,0.0,0.11699755696971398,0.41231100519748415,0.0,0.09802667538446533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763983454387425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809282575054399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478242000181258,0.3600642027757333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899502431765654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203511942277362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776900655714172,0.0,0.10203015706944138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510499869738847,0.14959612813454368,0.0,0.0,0.06806819778571642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925433173760615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885239743422297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533375767291307,0.13032869815922185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699666446871882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034499450956856
suicidewatch,Useful_Citizen,2019/03/13,"I feel like I can really relate to u/xwearethefandomx but in the same time... Hello, first of all I want to please excuse my english, I english bad and my native language is completely different. 
Second of all I want to give you little information about me... So I'm obese, straight female, 18 y o soon propably 19, I can not consider myself as pretty but sarcastic jokes got me a few closer friends. So... I make a lot of jokes around the suicidal topic I also make some dumb puns and stuff... Like I mean you can hear something like this from me: ""I want to kill myself but I don't have the balls to do it"" *badum tss*
And last but not least thank you for taking your time to read this it really means alot to me ❤️

 So now on to the other part... Well take some popcorn and get ready it's gonna be a long story... It all stared when I was a 3 y o kid with quite a lot of potential but it all got burnt up by my closest... My family... I wnated to be a ballerina -well I was told one big nope ""you are fat"" - parents 2003-2005... I wanted to learn some type of martial art so if I get in a bad situation I could have some moves to keep myself save - well I was told noone would be interested in me plus I am heavy so no worries ... I wanted to be a cook and more specifically a confectioner - my family theory was ""like I wasn't fat enough working in the kitchen will make me only worse""... Well than if not the ballerina... What about any type of dancing maby belly dance? Can you guess what I've been told? ""Aren't you ashamed of your fat body to show it?"" 
I can't even explain how heavy was to wear those broken drams on my back... 
finally I got ONE of my dreams come true... (kinda) I started learning how to swim (at very late age) and I still can't I can... Now after all of that ""support"" one girl between 8 and 13 how goes she feel?... Depressed... Anxious... And starting to have suicidal thoughts great!... I've talked with my parents about having some type of session with a psychologist and they said no why? It's expensive... At that point I started to feel lost... Like I'm not a human the word become gray for me. I've been bullied in the three schools I went (this is my last year of school and I'm still being a target of bullying even for a lot younger than me...) those ""gray years"" were between the age of 13 and 16 and they really felt like eternity until one time I attempted suicide (it was dumb attempt and wasn't that serious)... When you read this and sum up the things... You can just blame hormones and I agree I'm still teenager and around my period my hormones go wild... Well I can brag about mysef for quite some time but the title is on a bit different topic...
I said that's I can relate to u/xwearethefandomx's post cause after all I'm kinda scared to kill myself because I'm one and only child. If I really do it my mom will fall apart emotionally... If I think about my friends... They probably will get well soon or may not understand... But I can't do it because of my mom... I love her and I can't do this to her... 

If you have read this whole thing wow! I really thank you and I would love if you share your thoughts with me and have a little conversation down in the chat thank you ❤️ 
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suicidewatch,gusmeowmeow,2019/03/13,"If this doesnt get 1000 upvotes, I'm going to kill myself I'm tired of living. nobody appreciates me not my family or coworkers. My sister said I was a worthless piece of shit and I never even get any up votes on here. I told myself if I don't get 1000 or more upvotes on this post I'm gonna jump off the willaimsburg bridge ",0.8624285714285733,2.827920957142858,3.1442857142857146,90.33071428571432,82.28571428571428,5.7142857142857135,18.57142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.12199999999999987,257,6,56,3,7,88,51,70,0.197,0.7559999999999999,0.046,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,7,13,5,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,1,9,0,7,9,2,8,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,4,1,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409394950102296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851582149826512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690665808591409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447357194873474,0.0,0.16220956175789145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157726020704288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202922194871485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013186871206167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273351437468553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27149776909922657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292977357847223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32804587265546403,0.0,0.27272902086040457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tarthor,2019/03/13,"I'm spoiled and can't live in the real world. 17, male. I don't want to deal with things, do work, plan ahead, interact with people, etc. I want an easy life that is virtually impossible. I can't live a normal life because when I try to I think that it's pointless and that I should just give up, which I do quickly.

I'm also physically and mentally inept. My hand eye coordination is terrible and I'm extremely slow and unfocused. I probably wouldn't last in college.

I literally can't finish any of the games I own because the moment it gets hard I quit.

I failed public school in a fit of spastic rage, and now go to a 'nobody fails' private school for special needs children.

I've failed in almost everything I've tried to do, hate everything, and don't want to keep going.",3.5476923076923086,4.990359153846153,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,72.84615384615384,8.533333333333335,27.743589743589745,9.075114841892004,2.24507435897436,612,23,123,13,12,208,95,156,0.182,0.7440000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9264,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,7,5,7,2,0,7,0,12,4,2,0,0,21,26,9,0,7,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,0,3,13,1,16,24,2,17,0,3,1,0,7,7,0,1,8,69,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460153157623664,0.0,0.0,0.13145359337478058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178315820530817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040746934034448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946723007166098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332571093503705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954659670453369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588109043306519,0.15768703503446518,0.1868404156957043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472510350719387,0.16228994269081115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610734838865844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399058632900165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221108538950816,0.0,0.0,0.2902988213891277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565507534848148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188472912430405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610562329057262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395949889648195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722804928132785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483698970062084,0.0,0.18709895674824265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327200564509437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920590948535952,0.10532723874550594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320470521896602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29086446259755605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966965714272534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2632978K,2019/03/13,"My sad life Born into a middle class family, from the outside we look like a normal happy Hispanic family. But if you spent a day in my shoes, it’s a whole different story. My parents were never really there for me, the basically showered me in gifts instead of love. My older sister basically raised me. From an early age I showed signs of OCD, no one noticed. One thing that really changed in my life was the first time I was hit, but it left a mark. I was always pinched or a lil slap, if I were to misbehave but... this time my mum took out a whip and hit me. It left a huge mark. I feared my mum from that day forward. 

Years later, I was always the star student. The “talented” “good girl”, then in 8th grade the stress got to me. I cut, I remember feeling amazing. Then my mum found out, sent me to a doctor and got medication. I was so angry, I would punch the walls to get some kind of blood or tighten my waist trainer to the point I can’t breath. Leaving bruises and marks on my stomach. I was sad, and the pills aren’t working. My parents called me mental, and accused me of lying. And warned my sister that I could lie about her husband. I would never hurt my sisters family.

I cut once again, I have toxic friends that honestly break my heart everyday. I honestly don’t know how to keep a healthy friendship going, I don’t know what to say to anyone. How to talk, and sometimes I say the wrong thing and I’m hated. I act like i don’t care but i do! My parents fight a lot, my mum is abusing my dads money. I recently found out my sister talks crap behind my back, and treat me like I’m disabled. I can’t tell my doctor because I’ve lied for a year. I’m tired and the only release I get is from cutting, or bruising myself. Hating my body, my face my looks. I hate my size, I HATE EVERYTHING.

I use to think that someone would come along to hold me and help me, kiss my cuts away. Give me the affection I’ve craved for years, the thing my family never gave me. That dream died a long time ago. Here I am, and high school student studying to be a Concept artist. Cuts on their body, and fucked up family and friendship. Forcing a smile and laugh, scared to show a hint of sadness, scared to be yelled at. Scared to be alone, or hit, longing for love and affection. Just wanting to know that I have the right to be happy, to smile. But right now it feels like I don’t.",2.241705811502559,3.8554278950617302,3.6251078992271424,90.18501806684736,76.63374485596708,6.552163003111513,23.376292281441327,7.313800181584829,0.8128987855063743,1831,56,396,22,41,601,239,486,0.205,0.606,0.189,-0.8895,7,1,0,0,2,0,71.0,1,1,1,2,11,41,12,5,31,0,29,21,10,5,3,63,67,32,1,8,12,13,2,4,1,3,7,3,1,1,16,23,1,2,9,4,2,6,11,22,0,3,16,7,75,19,47,40,3,56,0,4,2,4,32,23,2,8,32,247,91,8,0.0,0.08641160172077501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464914991982468,0.0,0.0,0.0755347768314657,0.0,0.0,0.121369279572158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099522353893928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852130717275982,0.05607962705645735,0.0,0.04445821116116669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202034817268093,0.0,0.0,0.07447095724406709,0.0,0.07435826678435224,0.0,0.07715158883734126,0.0628238113940853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058229666146400225,0.0,0.0,0.09406924154355432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569111987949323,0.07619763034179759,0.0,0.1492964430410273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554590204186311,0.0,0.3437654441140026,0.08206792880860883,0.07375245950018522,0.052102097327578006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203528132031605,0.0,0.15993069562381065,0.056346500408570935,0.06742376252159839,0.0762071327140067,0.0699622975532404,0.041448508290541884,0.061171269664768074,0.11665956101678154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527333686234604,0.0,0.2880180290776909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642387867677813,0.04888427744409171,0.07705586650859386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807440816122056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482464319560634,0.0,0.07594667063978015,0.12024331786853205,0.0,0.0,0.07722365998169667,0.15848002620993712,0.0,0.103026992977773,0.14252209326062873,0.0,0.0,0.12908371691334378,0.1224877583133666,0.0,0.0,0.06200353803244945,0.1316465954303358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734705584529387,0.07349754322035297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687472209365083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145713715075956,0.0,0.08303270793267632,0.0,0.07766939768517069,0.09884020069272427,0.0554674996432204,0.0,0.0,0.2429445564133157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894360174289009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344324849685047,0.0,0.07201080778091729,0.0,0.08261688559300794,0.1245657726540293,0.0,0.11599570949448886,0.2190507031906778,0.07381031543355514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179440879178845,0.0,0.07213086798953633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354249686666977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723874727556816,0.06374512432856153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535683924141982,0.04673139815181174,0.0,0.0,0.12758038962103602,0.08382373964324304,0.0,0.0,0.08102929874762152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298918103240381,0.0,0.0,0.04301673898019125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142513259177765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309481631945004,0.0,0.0,0.15542479580429314,0.07973886950008825,0.0,0.14089599549474388
suicidewatch,diefromalcoholplese,2019/03/13,i'm going to have alcohol poisoning please help [https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/b0tecr/im\_considering\_alcohol\_poisoning\_as\_a\_means\_of/](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/b0tecr/im_considering_alcohol_poisoning_as_a_means_of/),101.791,128.8247281,46.13000000000001,-217.855,-132.0,16.0,40.0,13.023866798666859,8.531,251,3,6,3,1,49,10,10,0.257,0.405,0.338,0.0516,0,0,5,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162064597234933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27451404311962696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237612449667188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217495155607971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5302160223338476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway9572618,2019/03/13,"I almost died yesterday I almost did it yesterday. I skipped school and went into the woods with some alcohol and a rope and I planned to end my life. I tied the noose and I jumped from a tree. Miraculously my neck didn’t break and and a homeless man came out of nowhere and cut me down. In that second that I was hanging from the tree all I could think about was how much of a mistake it was. I spent the rest of that day talking with the homeless man and learning about his experiences and I realized that life has its ups and downs but that’s what life is, you gotta live through the pain because it’s all experiences, not good or bad experiences, just experiences. Thank you, Mike, if you are reading this. ",4.27781690140845,5.345136922535211,4.656450704225354,86.96988732394367,70.61971830985915,8.215211267605634,28.9887323943662,8.548686976883017,1.8573385915492957,561,21,121,9,10,177,87,142,0.083,0.855,0.062,-0.4553,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,3,0,1,4,6,1,0,10,0,9,6,1,1,2,31,15,14,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,11,15,1,0,3,1,1,4,2,4,0,1,8,0,17,2,17,5,5,15,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,5,4,86,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293600299122375,0.3240780274137485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351126560697441,0.09864376218261227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507858066944685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919983034170454,0.0,0.0,0.1043602930613006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679432580330654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433241872719778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6331627091172998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572665250397078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428940322243411,0.0,0.0,0.1428897235879468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895606858805355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218752633118825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186344971754205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637701340671787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300645123002632,0.0,0.14898180086845902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368750350834656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000844511301548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RikyRik06A,2019/03/13,"I tried all I could. Am sorry I didn't mean to disappoint . Am 22 , alone and that's how I want it to be . I try prevent any relationship with any girl that finds interest in me.Why? Because I think they deserve someone better than I am. They disserve someone with a more better and clear future and more realistic goals in. 
My Parents have invested so much in my education and I really appreciate that, I can't disappoint them (especially my dad). Honestly I have to admit it that I already lost my passion in school. Am at University studying Telecom Engineering. I worked my ass off to get here and am    glad that am here. But I didn't do it for me I didn't it for my parents. 3 years back, I decided to follow my dreams as I continue school. Everything was going well until.. The Fuck am I saying??? Am just a stupid fucked guy who fucked up my life . Shitty goals, a disappointment an a failure to my family and I don't deserve to be here . I find peace in just thinking about suicide. Now am alone in my room , my roommate is not around. I should wrap the bedsheet around my neck and just sleep my life away. FUCK FUCK FUCK",1.532062780269058,3.9797676412556062,3.4986654708520177,85.86640179372198,83.34977578475336,6.796699551569509,24.16663677130045,7.976525956113202,1.56032534529148,876,34,177,18,25,295,123,223,0.21600000000000005,0.624,0.16,-0.9661,2,2,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,3,6,14,18,7,0,7,0,23,12,3,1,2,30,38,12,1,3,5,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,10,11,0,1,7,1,1,2,6,11,1,0,5,1,37,7,27,29,4,21,0,4,0,8,12,13,7,0,6,128,47,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282126089999396,0.12157896790250053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984323380177786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961551768328665,0.0,0.0,0.10351143498359867,0.08471646133841762,0.0,0.06716061651441572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487864815124156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796440917615664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901665128106124,0.0,0.10386157499388902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013927867688737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6111206016261056,0.05756099809453374,0.0,0.06261402107035682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908888099203533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563730940343198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202671633657026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001101393627295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809900466865307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446688063747601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057983232172785,0.0,0.0,0.11828488493767013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761422422548612,0.0,0.22300250775591351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025285833086236,0.0,0.18669894641309426,0.0,0.0,0.12332998092966795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205117001423526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118919445853576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960086728071265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498306240609272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905902123498724,0.0,0.09941426011877556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020746909512741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094798819454659
suicidewatch,xxxMooseKnuckle69xxx,2019/03/13,"Questions So here's the gist of whats happening. I'm a 16 year old boy, very athletic, and supposedly borderline genius. Despite everything in life that is in my favor, I want to die. I can't explain this feeling. I know that my life is good. I live in a wealthy family and go to a very good private school. I know I sound like I'm bragging, but i'm not. Im just filling you guys in on my troubles. The problem is that ive wanted to kill myself since 5th grade, but i just don't have the balls to do so. i don't know what im gonna do. my parents are sending me to get tested for depression next week, but obviously I'm gonna lie to the quack because who cares? I have stopped caring about everything: my school work, wrestling, friends, and just about everything else. Every part of my life has started to go downhill. I have a nicotine addiction. I started because i didn't see myself living that much longer anyways (its been 2 years). I do everything that i can do wrong on purpose just because i can and i want to ruin my life as much as possible to the point that suicide is easier. I hide my pain behind a wall of edgy humor and random comedic feats. I used to be extremely popular, but i isolated myself from everybody and push away everybody that gets remotely close to me. To sum it all up, what should I do and if you guys have any methods of suicide hiding up your sleeves, I would be honored to hear them as long as they are quick and painless. To any of you that have taken time out of your days to read about this, i issue a genuine thanks towards you. please write suicide suggestions in the comments if you deem fit",3.1492818963513827,4.612912012084593,4.38345921450151,86.31024808273298,73.8942598187311,7.630072042760863,29.04496862653962,8.263242389622931,1.989083104810597,1280,54,264,21,26,421,176,331,0.173,0.6729999999999999,0.154,-0.9516,1,0,1,0,0,5,36.0,0,7,2,2,13,19,1,0,12,0,29,6,0,1,2,39,57,20,5,8,11,1,1,1,1,4,6,2,0,3,16,10,0,1,6,3,0,5,5,7,0,0,3,4,45,12,43,48,4,33,0,2,1,0,22,16,0,4,13,172,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470370127160736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062837902960547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023784804873494,0.0,0.0,0.17564521761815424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584944467962973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061941360101793165,0.0,0.08272379265229042,0.0,0.09967999818076427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023363687827936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092242161182163,0.0,0.3452777766634473,0.0,0.09054308853785932,0.0,0.04856345790965839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420446503052043,0.0,0.10035955158792016,0.0,0.10916966845184613,0.1611167085017886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020016229753897,0.08493266120509389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825018590712078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749110311949326,0.10024648102349043,0.0,0.0,0.10626004379957077,0.0,0.15835217824054978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27135892529914524,0.046922948225486434,0.0,0.16961975793624506,0.08499718783110799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412088920903688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214541001023167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078352772366082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219911482284028,0.0,0.10664708964477818,0.1040078468267461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542904601208043,0.09079398094846412,0.10827679716330817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190251032402263,0.0,0.0,0.1075928685211577,0.0,0.09607142651835526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440621620745066,0.07653577685743422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944977655283711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359629068396953,0.0,0.0,0.08029828450688252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151743521069942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842573267580142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056004865676770564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295241847014778,0.0,0.1584950855616413,0.16995025850250045,0.0,0.07704185479385965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992222076456121,0.0,0.0,0.06822792153021992,0.10501060599129047,0.0,0.12370022266771508
suicidewatch,probably_anxi0us,2019/03/13,"I'm over all of this. I'm always exhausted, I'm always miserable. I'm sick of being here. I honestly don't see the fucking point. I never really have. I'm convinced nobody would care if I did just kill myself. I'm sick of the bullshit. I'm sick of trying to fucking live a normal life when nothing about my life is normal. I'm sick of having no control over anything. Nothing is fun. I'm anxious and angry constantly. I have an appointment with my doctor Saturday to talk about my meds and if they're helping but I just don't think it's gonna matter. I just feel hopeless. I'm just sick of feeling like I don't matter and it's getting old. ",0.2292549019607861,2.5554974592592643,2.8907625272331186,88.48137254901962,89.22222222222223,5.250544662309369,22.015250544662308,6.794906146795322,0.8350610021786498,507,19,101,7,17,176,75,135,0.244,0.6459999999999999,0.11,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,3,1,4,0,11,11,0,1,2,22,30,7,1,5,7,0,2,1,0,2,9,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,3,11,5,13,26,1,8,0,2,1,2,2,3,2,2,6,57,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872598670451014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950063949623949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204785818381024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599301821247032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653604516606664,0.1936029739612973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667929038325714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455917827770073,0.1233165559180296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191605178165345,0.0901844803251835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570053879109428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909734883779412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438468812633609,0.08433121978098475,0.0,0.1524226591323762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917369199139666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313172389072905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382531030868801,0.33125847753350396,0.0,0.18113094228274915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317745264771444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105819167506424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375522140735176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874180959808402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060504987129052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719460154035315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226211068007782,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dont_gift_subs,2019/03/13,"Crippling social anxiety/loneliness that no amount of reason can fix I used to be able to talk myself out of sadness, telling myself that things like friends and relationships are just social constructs that only matter if i let them matter. But i cant do that anymore, I only have 1 friend (roommate), am a 20 year old virgin and just skipped a get-together for a group project due to anxiety. I do fine in school but I feel like my sadness is going to start interfering with that. help",5.970322580645162,6.821330494623656,6.188333333333336,78.30250000000002,66.63440860215053,8.780645161290323,32.704301075268816,8.841846274778883,2.7350946236559137,388,16,70,6,6,124,67,93,0.094,0.732,0.174,0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,0,14,14,5,0,1,5,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,10,5,10,12,1,7,0,2,0,1,10,2,0,1,6,47,16,2,0.20812414312368746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921439982879038,0.0,0.20640322535316827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523382019414138,0.14868392943273245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215923934062037,0.0,0.10873627477490036,0.0,0.118281746759952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950122606715645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282103718608086,0.0,0.20335788714739728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183912779590944,0.0,0.0,0.31657557855727364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139862821582395,0.0,0.223447441428598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063274405887691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243127084464627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731133971203186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728230264039584,0.1819096745330421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826843279427062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975243662005758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402512455358587
suicidewatch,official_peura,2019/03/13,"I don't deserve to live I don't deserve my girlfriend or my dog. I'm a horrible person and i should jist kill myself. I've properly attempted suicide once and several times I have tried to kill myself but I couldn't.
Now I think I should try again.
I think I'll go to a small bridge nearby and jump in the freezing water and die of hypothermia.
Thanks for all the help I've got from this community, but now it's time for me to leave.",1.880108695652172,3.5480074456521784,3.645,89.41250000000002,77.80434782608695,7.208695652173913,23.45652173913044,8.07648339933343,1.1592130434782613,343,11,76,6,8,115,60,92,0.207,0.7120000000000001,0.081,-0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,13,12,7,4,3,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,13,1,9,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593969982848545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920073873894988,0.0,0.18182200139358407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237906064613801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030289585753726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071683950173475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074255368606567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24210626563424975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850171931748206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568258678381084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486695538621161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093011758167201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913364756673679,0.0,0.0,0.265123824997457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086935200493988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackmarlboros,2019/03/13,"Goodnight. So I’m not sure what to do, I’m on this app and don’t even know how to post. I’m an idiot, any who. I’m on the verge of suicide and tonight might be the night I go, i feel so very lost and defeated. I have major depression and have anxiety. I’m 15 and not looking for attention. I just wish I was enough for everyone, everyone hates me and I don’t know why, I don’t do anything, I want to go by cutting my artery in my wrist. It’ll hurt my family but I think this is my only way out. ☹️",-1.93,-0.0943638245614018,1.4511929824561418,98.19468421052632,95.14035087719299,5.4961403508771935,18.12631578947369,7.03164865440522,0.10940421052631599,380,12,99,7,15,136,71,114,0.187,0.785,0.028,-0.9141,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,3,0,3,0,12,1,1,1,1,21,28,10,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,2,14,1,11,23,2,11,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579722796323432,0.0,0.15276363119175082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432928360117496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199419930397247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063349438919084,0.0,0.131894508059054,0.0,0.0,0.3816280220293508,0.0,0.0,0.1882515962612436,0.0,0.1009701416098286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269788305352262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715424664641285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377413313578245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949071104610998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676907642970202,0.0,0.2179871187466335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118413745010848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873971664181402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187456341588218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124948285829613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184303475206209,0.0,0.1882070975952814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795440100548414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476659532143886,0.11778335952069602,0.15850600487357935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019073136134445,0.0,0.2296356409095593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DasHaltz,2019/03/13,"losing interest hurts the most the hardest part about going through a hardcore depressive bout, or having depression in general, is the loss of interest in absolutely everything.  i used to love running, playing video games, talking to my family, hell i’d even read a book once in awhile if push came to shove.  now i just lay in bed and cycle through refreshing the same three social media sites waiting for something that will never come.  i wish i could enjoy my hobbies still.  i wish i wasn’t just a shell of a human being.  i wish i had the courage to apologize to my parents for the damage my mental illness has caused them.  i hate this life and i want out immediately. ",5.466894138232718,6.8719106850393725,6.080262467191602,76.60356080489939,68.13385826771653,9.109011373578305,32.22134733158355,9.444778638647367,3.0889447069116365,535,23,94,11,9,174,91,127,0.239,0.617,0.14300000000000002,-0.9346,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,7,14,2,0,10,0,8,3,0,2,1,21,19,4,0,6,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,0,5,0,5,2,8,0,1,3,0,15,6,17,13,3,14,1,6,0,1,8,6,1,3,3,66,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085190244853675,0.0,0.17141883119617266,0.0,0.14374152793447684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323007626032166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874453707712455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021437329035014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996969939057178,0.0,0.15730777579875674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483461413880788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474705471388187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863505051096604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786341086680678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866819872926444,0.0,0.0,0.15060438354994446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816313635690086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869846020619968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770838236770914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528654962345192,0.18070118121817744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691260114345405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010034549699907,0.0,0.1284627111380668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326055668376416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341217310169495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411989537125594,0.0,0.0,0.09842274211897624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756679778503698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whathappened000,2019/03/13,"Ok, so give me a reason that is possible in my reality, not to kill myself. Unemployed for years, depressed forever, never get to stay long at a job because in my country, chit chat is obligatory, so I always got fired because (and those were really the reasons given to me by my employers) I didn't laugh at other coworkers jokes, I didn't go out with them to socialize (I never had anything in common with them), I didn't chit chat.

 I have antidepressants resistant depression. I can't do therapy because the cheap/free ones in this city are all former students of my father and they always bring up how they loved him, even though this is totally unprofessional. I'm socially awkward (possibly aspergers which would explain A LOT) and I never wanted or sought attention. I don't want kids, never wanted, I don't want a boyfriend (it was always a waste of time and toxic for me) or a house or a car, never wanted these. The only thing I wanted in life since I was a 5 y/o girl was to live isolated from civilization, but to do so you need to have money to buy a property and money is something I don't have for many years.

""You are worth it"" to hell with that sentence. No one's worth it, we are totally insignificant in this huge universe so stop pushing self help shit.

""It will get better"". It's been 36 years things suck for me, when the actually hell will it get better? Because I honestly have no idea, I've been waiting and doing my best and it's not better.

""Your family will suffer/miss you"" who cares? They will all die eventually, I'll die one way or another and probably first them my parents anyway since I'm always sick.",3.8446728971962614,5.432611996884738,5.4450143302180685,78.89398878504673,72.33333333333334,8.874317757009345,27.170218068535824,9.3871,2.4532810218068537,1285,46,244,30,25,436,176,321,0.19,0.691,0.118,-0.9791,5,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,1,4,6,5,10,18,5,1,13,1,33,4,1,3,9,46,55,20,3,8,7,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,19,13,0,2,5,3,5,4,16,8,0,4,12,1,37,10,30,38,6,32,2,2,0,1,26,11,4,5,15,173,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.08984602374040783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306435000458926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965423320796802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576490920138024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449753357027208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662069319564087,0.244282539340254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387044067704507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585977204775741,0.0,0.19110608909249802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081067968085204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679442145177119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783138102445385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430669460083326,0.08832093573600151,0.05232491163253001,0.0,0.07363595787940277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171188308038235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623521829185234,0.0,0.10393464903759564,0.0,0.0,0.09136423621207272,0.0,0.10186066296122903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503102916923797,0.0,0.0,0.0812985783597941,0.08147813225681867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827373727687212,0.08309583090819714,0.0,0.0,0.09334347452849397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826796715300494,0.3550462886723741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716492994399805,0.07002259277859657,0.0,0.0,0.10223168432522904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758783730931693,0.0,0.0,0.09926591078189688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898173326264141,0.18932444965032505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604800465386408,0.0,0.09450746425521532,0.1523207900621285,0.0,0.0,0.18770542017001948,0.0,0.0708791834017059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813326107225834,0.0,0.07697377303879373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528887951765574,0.0,0.12233305181418272,0.0,0.0904572856271481,0.0,0.053686150907774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258279477872167,0.07308005489920122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540314751463511,0.0,0.0,0.17786817469911506
suicidewatch,999lonely,2019/03/13,"Nobody cares until something serious happens I just self harm relapsed. I’m so incredibly stressed with my Leaving cert and trying to organize an event I just want everything to fade to dark. I wish I had a gun so I could blow my brains out and it just all be over. I can’t handle my failure, my inability and my cowardice. I can’t keep disappointing people. 

Cutting helps because when I touch the wounds I know it can get worse and I become thankful for a split second. But I do it mostly because I hate myself so much. I’m a weak, weak, stupid girl with no future in career or relationships 

I want to kill myself more than anything on the entire planet. I have to fundraise money but I’m up against a deadline and going nowhere. If I can’t get it I’m killing my self for real this time ",1.7309988901220876,4.111417786163525,3.345697373288939,87.73421753607107,81.83018867924528,5.502182759896412,24.4472807991121,6.794906146795322,0.9688117647058824,624,24,123,7,17,206,101,159,0.228,0.7070000000000001,0.066,-0.97,0,0,1,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,13,5,1,7,0,9,4,1,0,1,24,25,14,2,5,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,11,0,1,1,1,23,2,17,22,4,12,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,6,83,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331019658366675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231983254272752,0.19233443593239175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440843206186964,0.0,0.0,0.1775570174718521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904420176066054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651433764328262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819718476497369,0.0,0.09897317176675584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539998240402696,0.0,0.0,0.17193657286777175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672873615265598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479207359511776,0.3853412295213422,0.0,0.09570800851492883,0.0,0.0,0.18439917090020064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801991734561344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120733332954089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982202524509839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697138491061396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633518095251263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406879007786354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948765910341207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033345805357407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015479715017375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823607620721395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543576941724045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002633256847592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774732142761122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avkao,2019/03/13,"i am a terrible person and i deserve to die I’m mean to everyone but when someone says something back to me i fall into a hole of self pity. I hate myself. I hate myself for crying, i don’t deserve that relief i don’t deserve to feel sad about what people say about me it’s the truth and i deserve it. I’m not crying anymore, i won’t let myself. I don’t deserve it. My mother is such a kind selfless woman and i feel bad she had to have a price of scum like me for a daughter. 

I’m manipulative, selfish, greedy and self centered. I don’t deserve her love, i don’t deserve anyone’s love. The real me is unlovable. Anytime i post anywhere and say my age everyone says“oh you’re so young you have so much to live for what about your having your first kiss or traveling? you have so much to live for!” I want to do those things i want to experience life but a person like me doesn’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve to experience life, all i do is make everyone around me miserable why should i deserve to be happy. 

And here i am whining “boo hoo i’m so broken and hate myself tell me i’m not worthless so i can feel better about being a price of shit”. God i’m such a fucking idiot. Part of the reason i haven’t killed myself yet is because of my mom, i dont want her to be hurt. I don’t want her to cry over me, i know if i killed myself my mom would turn back to alcohol and my sister wouldn’t do anything about it. But wouldn’t it be better for me to kill myself now rather than grow up to be a huge disappointment. The second part of it is because i’m scared, i fantasize about slitting my throat, cutting my wrists but anytime i sit there the razor held to my wrist i choke. i can’t do it. Then i get angry at myself and go ham on my thighs again. I’ve wrote the note, it sits saved on my laptop, i’ve even thought of a time to do it, i told myself i would commit to it. But the day comes i sit in the tub my lap top sitting next to me and i choke again and it makes me so angry at myself feel like breaking something.

I am currently reading IT, just about halfway through it. I have few other books i haven’t read yet that i have gotten recently. I’m not gonna buy any more books. Im telling myself when i finish them all. I’m gonna do it. Im sorry this is all very jumbled, i wrote this all in the spur of the moment.",-0.07699222065063792,1.94597466534654,2.32062765205092,94.48662747524756,86.50495049504951,4.716053748231966,19.31488684582744,5.985473137389443,-0.16953111739745452,1806,52,413,14,56,616,211,505,0.228,0.636,0.136,-0.9963,1,0,3,0,0,1,44.0,0,4,1,4,30,36,10,2,20,0,48,12,5,4,6,57,87,27,4,11,12,5,4,3,0,8,3,3,0,5,23,14,1,1,8,5,3,5,18,22,0,2,7,7,83,14,53,65,10,44,0,7,0,4,29,13,2,2,23,283,106,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745172282836787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556474217326949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115368613541407,0.05721766039018063,0.0,0.06733937860691812,0.07284633128453183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584492558500926,0.0683248967527918,0.09976600360746203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447445312707998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048957246003089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696602827501842,0.052773784898609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849269498448281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959045222413936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054048152707326415,0.0,0.0,0.2345771243500389,0.0,0.16009150432890085,0.0,0.0,0.16550346827678308,0.05845959491145523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960482595168542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565080959480877,0.042752963281060236,0.0,0.04650605500801265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421978843677074,0.0,0.242371490362712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876010469475037,0.0,0.17678156931665934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715993652179918,0.08521368290725669,0.044971802249523074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367704344377573,0.11559834600435515,0.11993447862902433,0.0,0.1445153384615854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771011216579402,0.0,0.10924474422039296,0.0,0.0,0.0891372047391154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191677356847208,0.0,0.0,0.1203093972218464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702747061739398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772285183012411,0.0,0.05673083850334418,0.14290215315898808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837082382607077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370492316120322,0.09314081583554948,0.0,0.08413519483448012,0.08079756608743767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952242578416914,0.08192642286601601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073373460091895,0.0,0.08399764460544999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933456215876192,0.1259939519956479,0.0,0.0916023404854871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430466079858012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543644266131115,0.0,0.0,0.06496413126977885,0.04771591598318546,0.0,0.0,0.07819237478334629,0.0,0.0,0.08900788687539064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751858160016895,0.19306256478567635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383913332238426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625981893189935,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AutomaticImage,2019/03/13,Feeling so low Gosh it all feels like hell ATM. Just want to lay down and die. So scared to face another day . ,-1.3532608695652186,0.5278205217391303,-0.008369565217391184,105.36396739130436,104.65217391304348,4.039130434782609,14.445652173913045,5.985473137389443,-0.9301217391304348,84,2,21,1,4,26,21,23,0.398,0.452,0.15,-0.8953,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,3,3,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386468945413764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697829621527974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341519968628125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230321551131409,0.2988491864240078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437090732929528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188131111278111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24673704334814836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YodyTheWhode,2019/03/13,"Everyone will be jealous if i do it I'm picking up on some age-old vibes in this life. 

All who knew me will have this introverted sense of intense envy if I ever go through with killing my self.

And if I stay, I'm the loser... Fuck all y'all honestly.

Hit me up if your in Boston. 👊",0.1456989247311853,1.8205530322580683,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,83.19354838709677,6.068817204301076,23.23655913978495,7.1686216300943375,0.7199913978494625,216,8,52,3,6,76,47,62,0.199,0.735,0.066,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,1,5,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,3,12,11,5,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,8,6,3,8,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,5,1,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206654628741118,0.0,0.3387398544721616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277294532088395,0.0,0.0,0.20147046753776016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39220162538691616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503937692852745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719880208218658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698207182762386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37784973490412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bruhmomento2,2019/03/13,"I’m Just Lonely My entire day mostly involves homework, jerking off, and browsing social media. When I’m not doing these things, I’m probably asleep, being bored at school, or imagining myself in situations that will never happen. I sit in my room most of the day telling myself “I’m going to do something productive.” I never do anything productive. I’m a slave to my phone and homework. I want o stop using my phone, but I can’t. I just want to go to sleep forever. There are brief moments when I feel happy, but for the most part I am in a state of depression. About a week ago, I was doing fine, but now I suddenly feel bad. I want to meditate and learn Calculus. I want to work-out and use my phone less. I want to work harder in school, so I have less homework, but I have no motivation to do these things. I theorize I hav enough motivation to do things, because the future is very grim. I’ll probably work a shit job, and never get married. I’m so awkward and uncharismatic. I like this girl in my class (every moment with her makes me feel better), but I know she’s not into me. 

Now that I’m typing about the girl, I will discuss why I will never be able to go out with her. Her parents are very strict and don’t even let her invite friends over to her house. Her house life is also very depressing. Her parents speak Mandarin, but she can barely speak it back to them. *She can’t even talk to her parents.* The sadnesses in her life make my sadnesses feel insignificant. I live a comfortable life where my parents don’t interfere with me and I eat well, and live in a large house. 

I’ve told the girl a few times how depressed I am. She is one of the only reasons (besides *most* of my family) why I won’t kill myself. She said that I shouldn’t kill myself Becuase she would feel awful. I’m just in a limbo-land I guess. I’m just typing on my phone all day and feeling unmotivated and depressed. I’m slowly sinking into a hole, that keeps getting deeper. It’s getting harder to get out. I don’t think I’ll get out. ",2.226808833223469,4.145039090243909,3.927719182597233,86.63941001977587,77.60975609756099,6.676334871456822,23.52010547132498,7.63319966405982,1.1084396835860255,1577,51,322,23,37,528,188,410,0.158,0.7509999999999999,0.091,-0.9891,5,2,1,0,0,2,59.0,0,0,1,5,20,22,4,1,16,1,31,7,3,8,5,70,71,24,2,7,13,4,6,1,1,6,3,3,4,3,12,19,1,3,13,0,0,4,14,15,1,1,3,9,60,7,41,59,10,45,0,8,0,0,37,19,1,6,21,214,72,15,0.07867484721305669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974050508572796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291624689184203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474269572491932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049610119834345,0.06569021117233884,0.04795945662754851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958150891630528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221630353411025,0.0,0.2710501224848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050400989609577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129214828340317,0.0,0.1039279891681363,0.0,0.06628695199533673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416764407037743,0.0,0.23868219999349194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078399179541093,0.0,0.20552180242126308,0.0,0.13413818620123688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866692140858855,0.0,0.06957190756283302,0.08375083781113825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27234063179004564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807264613088352,0.06992981909383697,0.17408412358573178,0.0,0.043237638503290134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045036165933171,0.1667111138346996,0.03843655632826621,0.0,0.1389426629582966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050321428698321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271556928477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331211259261677,0.0598357665299231,0.0,0.0,0.3494364291586181,0.08519719272384804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964958383378512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089084621232216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483779605834638,0.0,0.0,0.15924629125848827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075860007626894,0.0,0.08843382461435514,0.0787316652468083,0.08019909897657687,0.0,0.06056774108987911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577569509657427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323586203960954,0.06876528419847261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568042178270466,0.05041166534303044,0.0,0.0,0.045875936096295006,0.0,0.0,0.07517718804858348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589961524889638,0.0,0.1947449653419634,0.23202231640632184,0.0,0.06310821684068628,0.0,0.07073813611384934,0.0,0.14198362504021514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718286773520396,0.0,0.0,0.055888354168513885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Johtaroboba,2019/03/13,"I'm 19 years old, and I'm done with life...help Hello, as I mentioned, I am 19 years old, and life hasn't been treating me well lately. I don't know if it will ever get better, but I'm trying my best to make it work. I realized that it is too late to go back, even if I wish I could just take back my life at a better time in the past, but no matter how much I think about it, it all ends up in suicidal tendencies. When I think about how my life has turned out, I recall how I regret not taking high school more seriously. It costed me time and my parent's have lost faith in me, my academics suck and even though I'm trying to get back on track, it still hurts me to think about how it could have been if I had tried harder, and not being able to change it. All I can do is move on with life.  I guess I just feel trapped inside a box, and my parent's don't believe in me anymore, they don't think I care about them because I'm addicted to games more than living life, so I have no reason to push out. I want to be a better person, I don't want to suck at life, I want to get out into the world and make a difference. Yet constantly being called ""stupid"" and ""you're not good at anything"" by my own parents, really hurts more than physically getting hit. It permanently leaves me wounded, and my heart feels broken. Man...I'm just weeping while writing all this, but I guess it's my fault. My parents don't deserve me, I've failed as a son, at life, everything. I want to make a change, and I know better than to speak out than to jump to conclusions. I'm willing to move on and change for the better, and killing myself won't solve anything. I couldn't possibly live with myself knowing that I have these thoughts, I need help...and my parent's no longer want to talk to me, and I can barely communicate with them about my feelings/thoughts; especially without being called names again such as ""girly"". I would just tear up trying to talk to them...I just wish I could make them proud of me for once...",5.562502185314685,4.528448497596155,6.023968531468532,85.55284965034967,67.62980769230771,9.005944055944056,27.80332167832168,7.84624498591911,1.3866961538461542,1549,37,350,15,22,502,185,416,0.16899999999999998,0.722,0.108,-0.9871,5,1,0,0,0,1,65.0,0,0,4,11,30,24,4,0,9,0,33,10,1,9,4,81,76,30,2,17,15,6,2,0,0,4,9,1,0,1,15,22,0,0,13,1,1,5,15,12,1,0,6,3,55,12,58,57,9,45,1,6,0,0,21,20,2,5,20,229,70,4,0.06620418958349443,0.0,0.0,0.07217233875141647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565676647040875,0.0,0.0,0.10896081412936558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527208057468989,0.0,0.040357459485026684,0.0,0.0,0.07458945063005289,0.06947721249396607,0.2927611283010019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520375927377826,0.0,0.06749958355831312,0.0,0.2101057626512065,0.0,0.0,0.07154320947052219,0.0,0.15857597489545325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916928727128382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774987154758541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863726152643425,0.0,0.0,0.087454485666631,0.059885479739654725,0.0,0.0,0.059500056726857285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694965493347768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835582632087473,0.0,0.03762536661644753,0.05552893318613529,0.0,0.0,0.1458627575050997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845228341718563,0.08875054550678699,0.0699483611571967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417459084334966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324512680739964,0.0,0.10915227361786456,0.0,0.14936241900341035,0.07010067763857852,0.0,0.0,0.3740958159464991,0.0,0.0,0.11691902463841147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226969353190209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676724252375894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072915244947415,0.048667696895553385,0.04908956770592088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389403204489632,0.07050530123541397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675595889742824,0.0,0.06319939011764268,0.0,0.05780694472967325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463527639311618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241209910234679,0.06806893318403691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700217433149126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287075132081665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241663802956216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955462270747044,0.10642483963416532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968388590836864,0.06504528012875292,0.10511746289911356,0.07720839069225027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979319588021614,0.07201114725523078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524473153875294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952551723909937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226310148926694,0.06381847625647398,0.0,0.04819743850487634,0.0,0.0,0.0470295567891198,0.0,0.0,0.08526665500430522
suicidewatch,Itatonik71,2019/03/13,"They got me now im already dead They put me on meds when I was twelve, opioïds then the side effet is sleep disorder so they give me mirtazapine an ssri. Afther the high school I never be able to live a normal life. I tried to stop meds soo many times and now im in vegetative state inside me. My head is full of bad idea than I never put it on action cause im a good person but im not here for my family and my Friend soo i look like a bad guy and a guy who do nothing exept stay on his room. Its like the devil is inside me. Its not mere coincidence that soo much people want to die. They lie about ssri and its a deshumanisation plan orchestrated by the Cabale, people are blind. we dont have acces to some real help like micro dosing of mushroom, dmt, hypnosis, cbd, meditation, shaman care. They delete and dont show the real studies about that because they protect big pharma and want to see people being weak and sick to have no posibilties of a revolution. But time change since 2016 because the White hat is going to expose the Cabal but its soo long and Im despair. Im not crazy maybe its weird to hear but its the reality. Can I talk to a person who live the same dilemma?",1.5860792349726758,3.675781487704924,3.608606557377048,87.29862021857927,80.43442622950819,6.033879781420765,18.773224043715846,7.1686216300943375,0.2928584699453549,929,21,194,12,24,315,144,244,0.172,0.711,0.118,-0.9418,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,0,6,1,7,12,0,0,17,0,14,8,2,1,2,28,23,15,2,3,7,0,0,3,1,0,5,1,1,4,11,9,1,2,1,1,0,4,8,6,0,0,2,5,22,6,21,19,4,25,1,1,4,0,19,9,0,1,13,113,33,1,0.09228529314084058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183911580010456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410873002666434,0.11251251627506748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409100684946103,0.09480241720959932,0.09762560354982214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577756431143013,0.0,0.10576694116224876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163153525121316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699836119242436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129938855704586,0.0,0.0,0.08852846230772081,0.0524478588073547,0.07740452544046024,0.07380897934669857,0.0,0.0,0.1827538985651024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471133507021813,0.0,0.10401223246053667,0.0,0.0618568867018147,0.0975044790174828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041788629515208,0.5981037169675179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518383174573253,0.1352577981552078,0.0,0.16297920917662034,0.08166958038082735,0.07749640359330832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356280249529868,0.0927129809464424,0.0,0.2050163128987271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784030894044002,0.0,0.1423522145561517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041999325500504,0.08855022771675629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919370073853993,0.1611599167217745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554441795109045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008173483229528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339764353519038,0.07353943041606872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633934813600901,0.0,0.09235194047586816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836384353917008,0.0,0.07715463732762767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417542292183359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762459313818518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626556562768914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886451384793157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nonsense6,2019/03/13,Attempt I just tried to hang myself. I broke the wardrobe.,1.0163636363636357,3.4081583636363675,0.5004545454545449,101.2706818181818,101.72727272727272,2.2,23.681818181818183,3.1291,-0.27267272727272696,46,2,9,0,2,13,10,11,0.259,0.741,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cdifh,2019/03/13,"I've dreamt so much I dropped out of highschool pursuing dreams that seemed highly unlikely to be achieved in the first place, yet I did it anyway because my mindset was always: ""if I fail I'll just end up killing myself anyways, so I might as well drop out"".  Here I am, a complete failure with no future, friends, sanity

I have no social competence after all this time spent alone secluded from the outside world, all I have is me, my mind and my suicidal thoughts. I invested in some cordage which I'll put to good use in a local forest.",8.134285714285713,6.589674809523814,7.771428571428572,76.74857142857144,62.80952380952381,11.066666666666668,39.095238095238095,9.888512548439397,3.719438095238095,425,19,82,7,5,135,82,105,0.21,0.6940000000000001,0.096,-0.9207,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,4,8,5,1,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,2,14,12,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,2,1,1,4,0,13,3,13,6,4,19,0,1,0,0,2,10,0,4,6,59,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391133624153792,0.0,0.0,0.19210367561674946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407371915778417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420644922795818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20448372158082906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963792749130825,0.0,0.0,0.1783708344448351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364415420722386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439285334199214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554252317953977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24491829560294834,0.2331145136496245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971719897738013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241211695637412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320897368568436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017684429814992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353445337108635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525360711461783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328627102627731,0.1346230933627473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993989458134584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758130542279127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jtakacs5llfl,2019/03/13,"FREE fresh start with room board and transportation. Hi to anyone who is reading this
..My name is JT and im going to be relocating to Sacramento, CA in early July.   Im looking for someone who could use a fresh start.   Im willing to help you with transportation, food, and housing until you get on your feet.   Id prefer someone 18-35 male as my girlfriend would not like me to bring another girl along(sorry). If youre a single dad and have a kid thats fine too.  Ive been given alot of great opportunities in life and i want to help someone else try and claim a better life.  Call or email me if youre serious with a picture and a little bit of your story.  Thanks and best wishes to everyone regardless! Message me for my number.",3.1062100456620985,4.8034933424657575,4.672808219178084,83.2310388127854,74.4794520547945,7.606392694063928,25.865296803652967,8.344100000000001,1.7304310502283102,572,20,113,10,12,192,97,146,0.022,0.7240000000000001,0.254,0.9864,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,6,0,3,1,9,0,0,7,0,9,4,1,1,0,24,20,13,0,8,4,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,3,4,11,1,0,1,1,1,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,14,9,19,14,4,13,0,0,1,0,20,5,0,4,5,67,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585310991400265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571236368104207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865977506462328,0.13371122155465376,0.16505532630157072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437722142445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070925897586453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629602204305068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444641515192046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828140147869458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898814407981791,0.0,0.08592216051569425,0.0,0.0,0.16668246366627404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267280567988166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444768072608785,0.0,0.0,0.4899186043330908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357347207849986,0.07386156148451098,0.15152751266111614,0.0,0.0,0.126957679118819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122633690003215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842967573618603,0.0,0.0,0.1692397044094848,0.21401964247630967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391912259958796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264497880863548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057566476169966,0.0,0.0,0.08917308014100774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385577634556848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739778747166497,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway84639,2019/03/13,"18 Y/O otw to college prob. Well I was thinking about writing a post for a while now, not sure if this counts tho..

I am an 18 year old asian boy who is on his way to college (to US)

I am not sure if I have any reason to continue living on as it is, I have been thinking about it for almost 1.5 years and am still not sure what to do. I have been living a monotonous life for the past 2 years preparing for college.

I am extremely bored of my life and do not look forward to going to college ( which I don't have a choice in say).

i try to socialize with my friends but in the end prefer to be in my room day in and out. Its not like I have no people to hang out with or my family not supporting me but I am in the end bored of life now and will be even after college doing the same things my cousin brother does( at a good job). What I am trying to say is I don't have the will and the patience to do all those things in life. I like being alone

I  always think if I am going to eventually die of old age, why not just kill my self now (have been for sometime).  I don't have the will to do anything in life that normal people do. I am simply bored of my life. 

I am writing this now because I don't want to waste my parents money on my college study only to kill my self later.

I have to do something before that or will have to endure it forever and frankly I am getting anxious by the day as the deadline is approaching.

In the end I am still bored and don't know what to do... I don't want to live a life knowing how things will probably happen and in the end dying. I mean why do I have to endure such a boring life in the end to die. Why should I not skip to the last step right now. I still couldn't express the feeling in words here because I don't know how to say what I feel right now 

​

I don't have anyone to talk to and help me explore what I fell, especially not my family ( asian family what to say) and i live in a city where I cant seek a professional who can help me without my family finding out. I don't know what to do now, why I feel like killing my self.

​

Will prob. update this to make it more understandable if I understand lol and I was scared to post this even here",2.8389111635220132,3.206729109014677,4.447756158280921,89.72402417452831,73.42348008385744,7.471933962264153,24.759499475890983,7.413659706084162,0.8696310796645701,1703,47,402,18,32,575,184,477,0.124,0.8059999999999999,0.071,-0.9663,2,1,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,0,0,0,23,19,3,1,24,1,64,8,0,4,4,69,86,25,6,10,19,3,3,3,1,7,8,4,1,4,25,16,0,0,17,0,1,8,22,9,1,0,5,8,56,10,67,70,3,64,0,0,1,0,23,24,0,7,34,290,81,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445067215222695,0.06666109657457259,0.0,0.0,0.0535555250583305,0.1394754866617766,0.15641721088809726,0.04376933563521557,0.0,0.0,0.07271234913092486,0.0,0.04500440278993521,0.0,0.052965614074108124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847069209881365,0.0,0.05476853348328398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301816803170121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039721822634302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632486633640987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850344492364292,0.0,0.0,0.08502286943944604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270443290209906,0.0,0.09763224368141754,0.04598124317545645,0.0,0.0,0.05882700376220557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972702194852114,0.0,0.03362723269080648,0.0,0.07315843456299971,0.0539849865951236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691636353897171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628289316190374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387076717167295,0.0,0.2136257782371488,0.0,0.1414898189702413,0.05246478127073448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636943202468384,0.0943341539625026,0.0,0.2273363313738412,0.0,0.05404906606362578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042963085505867284,0.0,0.0,0.07011063783965052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306249015837373,0.0,0.0,0.1350771734046614,0.0,0.0,0.04895128450192891,0.0,0.0,0.07146796577982947,0.0,0.06144217136108793,0.08924298858795778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328473755815535,0.0,0.0693946574556578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661763198865508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993202534117257,0.0,0.20473751342645352,0.06443901600760826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014352660370652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561040558973208,0.0,0.0495501085332825,0.06365707239443665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542021413464354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303885114679641,0.18198529705940505,0.0,0.0,0.0517328824036648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828059742688575,0.12372445021767907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739708033785322,0.0,0.0,0.13400918917451102,0.07742127456526535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592643049385885,0.05108869033311285,0.0,0.0,0.057870448176067874,0.0,0.2323119173373679,0.0,0.0,0.06204404420445778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641721088809726,0.12434380502112112
suicidewatch,ZachLightman,2019/03/13,"Ive tried asking for help I basically was talking to my parents and said, ""I wake up and I'm not happy"" and they have not done anything. I know they don't really have to do anything but I am really struggling. They are constantly yelling at me to get my grades up but how am I supposed to try and school when I don't want to try and live.",1.6867579908675805,3.0314834520547933,3.7029452054794514,90.18446347031966,77.49315068493149,7.0584474885844735,24.495433789954337,7.793537801064563,1.0861159817351602,264,9,61,4,6,90,44,73,0.108,0.866,0.027000000000000003,-0.6829999999999999,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,11,1,1,1,0,12,17,9,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,2,13,1,9,14,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,43,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701159443875221,0.0,0.21023345815644467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24301656287423345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301314274340572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117491085509579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393900970807487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073305126994044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358876340062568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857411844195805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497038324812635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881291634639451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139134094887131,0.0,0.0,0.2275916642773497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350945374036716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075089811977632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580384862624861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264069065115108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spacevagabond30,2019/03/13,"I want oblivion After almost 10 years, I cut myself again yesterday morning, only properly (or so I thought), intending to sever my radial. I did not take the fast clotting into account. 
Things changed, I let my guard down, and an especially bad experience the night before drove away any motivation I had to keep on living.
I'm still here unfortunately. I could not succeed at ending my life, once again, like the failure I am and always have been and will continue to be as long as I keep breathing. 
I don't have any online or irl support group like family or friends. My family is convinced that I am crazy. I am convinced of that now as well.
I am in great pain. I cannot go on. I will use an anti clotting if I attempt to bleed out again, or I will use some other method.
I hurt too much. I am in great pain.
I do not write this as a plea for help. I am done being a burden on other, even if that thought might have been in my head all along, what with the extreme cares i always took not to let anyone else know the intensity of my inner feelings. 
I am too sensitive and delicate to be able to survive in this world. The only reason I have survived the past decade (I am 31 years old currently) has been to use drugs to numb my feelings. I refuse to do that anymore as that was not being alive.
I am tired. So so very tired. I used to hope that reincarnation is real, but now I long for nothingness. I cling to that hope. I am in pain. I am alone. I hurt. 
I hope future archeologists and anthropologists find this among the countless other last notes left by people of our age who could not tolerate the suffering that is existence.
I am in pain. I hurt. I need release from existence. 
Good luck to all of you who are also dealing with the dilemma of whether to go on living or not. If you have any loved ones, spend time with them. Life is too short.
Goodbye, and thank you.",2.375714956195246,4.339448896276597,3.880919899874847,86.93529411764709,77.32446808510639,6.870337922403006,23.824780976220275,7.827709963407826,1.1869874217772225,1459,48,302,23,34,483,194,376,0.13,0.727,0.14300000000000002,0.7278,1,1,2,0,0,1,50.0,1,3,1,5,16,30,1,0,14,0,46,14,2,7,2,61,72,25,0,10,17,0,2,2,1,4,11,0,0,0,18,12,0,4,8,0,2,4,10,12,1,1,11,2,50,18,49,49,4,47,0,4,0,1,14,20,0,15,25,222,68,2,0.08469361875365035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480842521389886,0.08771704676978745,0.0,0.06772945631833252,0.14094375093475486,0.0,0.0,0.17278369506126048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399331194937865,0.059219747457273375,0.08677862104193047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957244276249907,0.0,0.07071563400447932,0.0,0.0,0.07206803157958241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635078885314545,0.0,0.08959461866827569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524192598461893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731540205069369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866709769813501,0.0,0.0,0.0982177093098645,0.0,0.07075065082088385,0.0,0.07501340781786492,0.0,0.0,0.05593933642224395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828466105723496,0.15968321244379904,0.0,0.08564727680071267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740843318656332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543407975746524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626667060581916,0.07103698914903676,0.0,0.18675002734127846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692008695084724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056768347385709135,0.0,0.0,0.2523596201545547,0.0,0.0,0.2719988116526101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055915956992835,0.0,0.0,0.046545397937526316,0.06903660319093981,0.0,0.0,0.09201986458602507,0.17320992668767346,0.11964321522715107,0.08275404816621337,0.0,0.1495720340369977,0.14990237488845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643929758481541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984654547603267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225955475660474,0.06279924515688518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947922389722256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888717058818001,0.09019593987194068,0.057390587955554816,0.12882662700555494,0.3604799267919837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084964238307536,0.058715891322672034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963998799344867,0.0,0.08707914578103698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567968211149014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676364333398725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961093148968524,0.0,0.0,0.06367906105184107,0.0,0.0,0.07797450520182142,0.0,0.0,0.05626667697934111,0.0,0.0,0.13447454584276175,0.04938553018329375,0.19468571164539075,0.0,0.0,0.0940977267176799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925923750824305,0.0,0.0698811053050589,0.04995449067689999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761497345542467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907982737597148
suicidewatch,Tmill97,2019/03/13,"Why should i live to be alone 21 yo,6'5,320lb guy never had a gf,the only 2 friends i ever had used me.lost 150lbs and still going even though im going to look like im in a flying squirrel suit, without the money to change that.I quit school at 15 after taking alot of pills to end myself. woke up 3 days later in the icu cause i couldn't even do that right.my dad told me it would be better for everyone if i shoot myself.He used to beat the shit out of me every day when i was little,and it didn't stop till i was big enough to fight back.anyway i look at my outcome there is no way out. The only thing that keeps me calm is that i have that way out next to my bed.",2.6453061224489787,3.0659267619047625,3.7892585034013635,94.07776530612246,73.89795918367345,6.4242176870748295,20.82244897959184,5.6839178017228535,-0.1626702040816328,522,9,126,2,10,170,99,147,0.065,0.818,0.118,0.8170000000000001,0,1,0,1,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,2,0,7,0,14,2,1,3,2,17,24,5,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,7,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,7,2,14,4,21,12,2,25,0,0,2,0,5,9,1,2,13,75,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332066977034695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383056045762426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092582828539526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207376932969482,0.15660247862756616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094197035130675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311159729143159,0.1529607795643774,0.0,0.19555278802936807,0.1339070538955106,0.12472673027172584,0.14145475955784065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437226062285022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168264561534797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146578932439276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31980860603394523,0.0,0.0,0.13158121502827866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232292101870845,0.0,0.1307185164227639,0.0,0.2486259433211241,0.0,0.16159880139325813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417450354731802,0.0,0.1574379850365209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251761255549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745452771819732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264219508875323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982035392099086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195684558770464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822175554727475,0.12376474002489732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130466255252322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834855273759288,0.0,0.1454446364914388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145475955784065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25571117912274605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500820184678856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335794811069199,0.0,0.0,0.14270143909269276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516054013461514,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yxngzazel,2019/03/13,"I am leaving this subreddit due to my recent decision. Hey everyone. I'm happy that I could be part of this subreddit. Ive got no family due to child protective services, no friends due to my inability to be likeable (the only reason I could come up with as to why I don't have friends) and no current responsibilities cause I quit my job, no house, debt/student loans and no reason to continue on with life. I would like to say I wasn't raised to be a quitter but I wasn't necessary raised by anyone. Im going to kill myself via poisoning this Friday. I will leave a record of my approximate time of death, poison I used, and what to do with the body. Borderline personality disorder is a bitch y'all...hope y'all's will to live/adapt/overcome is stronger than mine.


The Mind will fall from the grace of the masses & the Body will fade to dust, but the Soul will find a home.

                                                                                - Reagan Hooks
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suicidewatch,hanukel,2019/03/13,"Why should I live... I mean, just why?
Life is pointless, nothing I do matters. At the end you die anyways. 

""But what about the people you leave behind?"" 
I don't exist when I'm dead (r/noshitsherlock). 
My now existing me cares, but when I die it doesn't matter. My family would be sad, but they will also die too at some point. So it doesn't matter. 
                                           =

No need to live. I can die in peace. Yey. 
(Can you change my mind pls? I will probably argue with you. But maybe you can convince me. Would help me very much. I recently hit a new low...) 
",-1.4511095305832136,0.4293021441441489,0.8271597913703168,99.5376955903272,104.13513513513512,4.13864390706496,13.950213371266004,6.05967700443912,-0.7441459459459456,402,9,94,5,19,133,74,111,0.26,0.618,0.122,-0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,5,1,0,9,5,1,0,3,0,14,1,0,0,0,16,19,8,5,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,20,2,7,12,2,11,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,6,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226390738729453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635709112109894,0.0,0.16223075829567715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6366390094797874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582826975013582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457078464590892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102791575883307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238230613255536,0.0,0.0,0.1083201749152954,0.0,0.0,0.2708330574126431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406713665148372,0.16705009963443102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548462674578076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127346143043706,0.1137118424480224,0.0,0.14811258630803342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714962128160314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631803243174603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497138631798098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534415887896636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142096394686574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265351074951783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767606324323411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788000187908327,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadthrowaway6969,2019/03/13,"I’m thinking about killing myself within next week. My mental illnesses have drove me to a point where I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m not going to go into detail because I’m afraid of someone irl finding out who I am.... I’ll just say that I’ve spent most of my life isolated by fear. Every interaction I have with another person gives me anxiety attacks for the next week because I can’t stop thinking about how I was dumb or I said something stupid. This has made me not want to talk to anyone. I don’t have friends, and I feel like everyone hates me. I’m a nuisance to my family. I’m tired of being controlled and having my life ruined by my own brain. I just want to be fucking normal for once, but no. 

My grades aren’t good enough to get into an okay college, and even if they were I couldn’t afford it. I also have no idea what I want to do with my life, I’ve never thought about it because I didn’t think I’d make it this far. I’m a senior in high school and I really can’t see a future for myself. I don’t have hobbies or interests anymore. I can’t focus on anything.... If I decided to stick around I would probably just be living on a minimum wage job and living in poverty until I get old and die. That’s not how I want to live, but I can’t think of any other possible future for myself without going to college or being good at anything. 

I’ve tried getting help. I’ve gone to therapy for three years to a therapist who has done absolutely nothing for me. Plus, she texted me saying she needed to reschedule my appointment and didn’t respond when I texted her back..... my therapist doesn’t even want to help me. I’ve tried talking to the psychologist, but she won’t do anything to help me either besides prescribing me medication (which hasn’t been updated since I was 14 and doesn’t help all that much.) the mental heath system is a joke. 

I’m tired of living in self hatred. I’m not living, I’m barely existing. I’m sorry that this post is long and I’m rambling, I just needed to get my thoughts down. I plan to write notes to some people later on. If you’ve read this far, thank you. There’s no one I’m able to talk to about this, so it means a lot. If this is my last post, then goodbye. I hope all of you find peace and happiness, because you deserve it. ",2.6550374744492373,3.9364330252100856,4.350826709062004,86.78304451510336,74.84033613445378,7.162752668635022,25.04973881444469,7.730073105063049,1.2352491028843966,1784,58,378,24,37,602,225,476,0.122,0.772,0.106,0.5306,4,0,1,0,0,1,56.0,0,3,1,2,19,19,6,2,12,1,41,9,1,5,3,74,88,28,2,15,20,0,1,1,1,2,7,3,0,2,21,17,0,2,13,2,2,5,24,9,0,2,14,5,58,10,58,67,9,45,0,1,1,1,27,18,2,11,20,244,79,8,0.07491078172702685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059906125082583375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050941900374540265,0.07855048623216937,0.05730654298134934,0.0,0.14858273269138805,0.052379360345967685,0.0,0.18493557164724425,0.06668647774506087,0.0,0.08522182868607171,0.0,0.05760176718148295,0.0,0.18265966897622984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362520689032378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401881149992069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774556454548058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665973817464555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740286243820617,0.0,0.09895572966058504,0.0,0.06311556448054335,0.07158046217119929,0.0,0.0,0.07061921812339797,0.08429545587992063,0.037877142058331925,0.05351627743366991,0.0,0.0,0.13693419475053092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057875884138072424,0.06925381061038119,0.15655116649550305,0.07186124777695638,0.1277205707253351,0.12566321918932788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974392010874617,0.0,0.07395888812839574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084447176047035,0.07914735378191805,0.0,0.07440330885337396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456515439812293,0.0,0.0,0.07433739194083143,0.0,0.08287768102527249,0.0,0.0,0.06106228531637702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587351015264273,0.036597624062083715,0.0,0.3307379634705372,0.06629368452359133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368646778941321,0.0,0.0708823929370401,0.050003528494543634,0.0,0.0,0.08159980214891283,0.0,0.0754647315760351,0.15098489755388886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055068043914381415,0.11109079091904343,0.05777581297108965,0.0,0.15933693242196562,0.0,0.07339666102753442,0.07187891542203789,0.0,0.07860626407267685,0.07977753771584792,0.0507614844045025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193370390246714,0.06540920516049148,0.0,0.0,0.07081490203650634,0.08445065084544065,0.14348764328366667,0.0,0.08076649269008389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493105364843937,0.0,0.047989764974527095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125730781880885,0.1191441206559009,0.0,0.07581371040351641,0.0596941943048351,0.0,0.07814828277572393,0.0,0.0,0.0619669727512554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347166226263487,0.057669979583132,0.0,0.0838564871073752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626287678065579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806313463466158,0.0,0.06896778323331247,0.08566700744421829,0.17395438266615074,0.0,0.2399990208294271,0.0,0.11894158615148337,0.0,0.1721978475481091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171900703958862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092159967015013,0.0,0.12017782110544645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221132038737406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053214470043553,0.0,0.0,0.04824008738575113
suicidewatch,SmexyNation,2019/03/13,"All these, ""I'd do it but my mom"" posts They have me thinking, they have me contemplating and realizing; I don't care. I don't care if I die and my mother weeps at my body crying and begging me to come back, even to the extent of my grandmother I wouldn't care. I've reached the point of apathy, even the thought of killing myself hasn't sent any percussion throughout my thought process. I want to leave, I don't want to walk these shoes anymore. I think it's almost time for me to go, but as I've always said to others and myself, ""a flower blooms when it's ready"". I'm just not ready yet ig. ",2.9602844444444467,3.8478799440000064,3.986666666666668,91.21777777777778,73.56,7.1555555555555586,24.288888888888888,7.3871296695380915,0.7709822222222225,463,13,107,5,9,150,74,125,0.24,0.7070000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9771,1,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,4,0,8,2,2,0,1,20,22,9,2,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,4,1,20,3,12,17,2,11,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,65,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773145565405912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768661224281165,0.0,0.0,0.12069986977147693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176023237789375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647951384410184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715233064226886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428912762277298,0.0,0.0,0.15289265793915485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949653730399981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420748827500227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446207533206656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087214480512516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636733677316548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879371908260686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787514757405195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677862308010402,0.0,0.16998717883334366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883445083047496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274579499108861,0.0,0.2818158304528408,0.10349634656682426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937741320086453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HeWillBeCalledEzra,2019/03/13,"I'm just tired of everything. Either I'm gonna kill myself, slice my thighs open or cry myself to sleep. Know what I'm a little bitch. I'm just here because I need someone to talk to. I'm literally just posting for attention. Because in all honesty who's going to give a fuck if I'm out of this place. I just want to cry yet tears won't come. I can't cry my pain away it doesn't work anymore. I'm fucking 16 and I'm ready to leave this world. Two attempts and I'm still here, still sitting here dead inside. I just want to feel the sharpness slide against my skin and watch the blood pool at my feet. I want to feel the lightness in my head as my heart races and my breath quickens. I want to feel the sting afterwards. 

This post was supposed to help me. Instead its just made my urge grow. ",0.6188095238095244,2.7285804047619067,1.8869047619047628,98.15809523809529,84.23809523809524,4.685714285714286,20.642857142857142,5.82211442006289,-0.1897642857142849,620,19,144,4,18,197,100,168,0.17800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.093,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,13,5,4,0,6,0,4,12,8,1,1,28,29,7,2,6,9,0,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,1,0,4,3,5,0,1,2,7,17,0,20,25,2,20,0,0,1,2,4,9,3,2,4,76,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037960870826452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299092653582434,0.0,0.0,0.1725751868551444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219328298093641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46645823226644106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721605297452854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471586710603704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617214708315848,0.0,0.1357877010536565,0.08044615242364099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527118304850375,0.0,0.0,0.16773748450341291,0.09487801121383964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660415207386266,0.0,0.077792202712263,0.0,0.0,0.14988105912165214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187033131790014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339380748296585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495756456908152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061922757832405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478896693176111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711316295476863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165227044690912,0.0,0.1199348935249222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226084097086117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377256410744255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269095352699772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827382564350754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339595351910989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305011839266504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrStealyourgirl21,2019/03/13,"I have exhausted every ounce of energy I have Hello, 

I am a long time lurker and first time poster.

​

*I guess in this post I am just going to write everything that comes to mind, so I apologize for structure, format, and if there are some grammatical errors.*

​

I woke up today and felt the lowest I have ever felt, which was surprising to me. I finally had the energy to get up and go to the shower and I took a knife with me. I stood there with hot water running down my back and just felt nothing. I took the knife to my throat and put it there, held it for about a minute or two and then cut myself to see what it would feel like when I actually do it, and I felt nothing. (Whoops cut myself shaving guys) Continued with my shower and came here to write this. The reason I am writing this is because I have always been depressed and suicidal, but I have always been that guy who says ""No I could never do that to my family"" The fact that I finally took a knife to myself and proceed to draw blood, shows that, I was wrong. I mean my life has had its fair share of ups and downs just like everyone else's. I mean to everyone I am happy, go-lucky, calm, collected, relaxed, non-caring, go with the flow, mood lightening guy. In reality I am hiding behind the tears of a clown. I have perfected this facade so well, it came to a shock when I told a few people what I am really am and how I really feel. I mean in my family we don't believe in depression and everything that comes with it. It is always ""You're young, smart, educated, happy, alive, you have food, money, etc. What do you have to be sad about"". Well guess fucking what that's depression you're just down for no fucking reason. I mean if I could fucking control it, don't you think I would want to. No one wants to feel confused, lost, hopeless, helpless, worthless, etc. I mean I have a great fucking family and friends that are basically family who would be sad if I did anything to myself, or at least I think they would, I mean who knows anything anymore. People are fucking annoying and need to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Fuck as I wrote that last part, I am surprised I even have friends. I mean nothing in my life is going right, things I want to do aren't working out and I've given myself too many chances. Man just yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh man, how I miss yesterday. I mean nothing helps anymore, going out doesn't do anything, music stopped, food, drugs and alcohol.  Nothing. Some people told me I need a vacation, a change of scenery, but what they don't realize is I am taking me with me. I mean I've going days without eating, around people I feel alone. My every thought it scary, it's hard breathe. I am tired of being strong, please let me be weak for a minute. Please don't try to help me guys, I am so far gone, it's not going to do anything, help the other people who post on here, me, I don't need it. It's too late cause I've died, atleast on the inside. This post isn't me asking for help, cause I am not, this is more of a farewell post than anything really. So when I do finally do the act (I don't know when, but soon), my friends and family want to know why I hope this is really is sufficient enough. It was never their fault, except my own. I  truly am sorry.",3.1056272014543818,4.4298538744460885,4.320291728212705,87.27690617543463,73.77104874446086,7.571060106806046,24.245227815021014,8.139509932561175,1.2541935234632433,2591,76,548,40,52,851,272,677,0.159,0.6940000000000001,0.147,-0.6771,3,2,2,0,0,3,113.0,1,3,3,6,35,47,10,1,24,0,70,21,3,7,6,116,140,44,2,17,17,0,10,2,3,4,7,1,2,6,44,35,5,3,27,2,1,19,17,27,2,3,27,13,89,19,67,102,11,75,0,10,2,7,35,23,7,12,30,377,133,1,0.0,0.0,0.04363464569816014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778592142442861,0.0,0.09262092989255057,0.0,0.0,0.11161748276006744,0.09689571530959028,0.10866538557048663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868901706100361,0.0,0.0,0.1839800378315826,0.03980515134793144,0.04180177608840256,0.0,0.042010498038238274,0.034382488595854174,0.0,0.027257384160240768,0.0,0.0,0.05037763367832866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228235139288824,0.0,0.09186767804157957,0.04730173438352908,0.07703471268204559,0.0,0.0,0.050150819490168176,0.07140136043356478,0.0,0.0,0.02883698407387578,0.0,0.11553692172682738,0.0,0.04640631906207452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185431967443513,0.0457538278888101,0.037353007829434064,0.0,0.0,0.04620176021133625,0.0997363889849709,0.02953333216175383,0.040446587761296116,0.07534734721370792,0.08545274024434434,0.08037254695686627,0.0,0.21076301827041966,0.0,0.09043544797929708,0.03194386020759498,0.17173072053282729,0.14694678471479647,0.0,0.03803390757911208,0.10813726695745604,0.0,0.10363832693271663,0.2893631444014844,0.023361343584045603,0.0,0.20329705291085784,0.0,0.0,0.04929760470391853,0.09851554747799847,0.1770965003677386,0.0,0.09519827456297444,0.04005517403278658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988404345456655,0.0,0.0,0.044411327001219365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372132666253932,0.0364480714960085,0.050439607520256564,0.047345921291127364,0.0,0.04572333733070486,0.06316597661316906,0.0436902356827156,0.0,0.0,0.03957069311655191,0.037548697935359567,0.0,0.048810872261986264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453332186525496,0.0,0.4383622176334504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045148633283342586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946512161278703,0.06897275301766365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452258417646689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03029952454666173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842116184681844,0.0,0.1549961111905832,0.0,0.0,0.09816561069301633,0.0,0.0,0.1712955174900469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495015884736609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458034207567315,0.09194736660088497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818571451446349,0.0,0.035558556361717536,0.0,0.0,0.0356314581193003,0.04070616247485048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005392807782764,0.0,0.04765942776126696,0.0,0.03738310472484256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048910118415586186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03361954184792211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029706152542206536,0.057302155822306876,0.04393151132166024,0.035498109949835224,0.05214646294258015,0.05139243828144885,0.04238386885577645,0.08545274024434434,0.14903748935324074,0.030358032145969892,0.0,0.04367931280914485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549446314457668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040693896131622,0.0,0.040347644493137255,0.0,0.0,0.04310292932312326,0.0,0.03255249744732852,0.0,0.0,0.12705484563640645,0.04888799935265264,0.10866538557048663,0.0
suicidewatch,Birdie75,2019/03/13,"I don't know how much longer I can hang on. I've been thinking about committing suicide for a little over a month. I've tried of every which way to do it, jumping off a bridge, jumping into oncoming traffic, hanging, slicing wrist. The only thing that has stopped me is the thought of my daughter but that's getting harder and harder every day. 

I have no family besides my kid, no friends. I do live with someone who this past weekend said he was done and is putting in the 30 day notice to move out. But it's not just about him leaving, he's done it a few times in the 17 years we've been together. It's knowing that I have no one besides my daughter and she's 600 miles away. I feel completely worthless. I feel like a failure. I tried, I truly tried to being everything I grew up thinking I wanted to be, a mom, a wife. 

I had a weird upbringing. Didn't feel loved so I always told myself as a child that I would have a loving family when I grew up. I got together with someone who seemed so good, hard working, kind to most but when it comes to me it's like he's left it up to me to make sure our relationship works. I have to be the good wife, the good mother, clean the house, contribute monetary wise, cook, laundry, stay in shape, spend time with his family, go on hikes basically do what he thinks is enjoyable and in the meantime there is no affection towards me, no intimacy, no hugs or kisses, making love once or twice a month and half the time he can't finish. It's demeaning. I question how I look, how much I weigh.

In the process I've seeked other ways to fill that void...drinking. I go most days now drinking over a 12 pack of beer therefor I've gained a lot of weight. There are times when my feelings get the best of me while I'm drinking and I lash out at him. I can honestly say that I demean him. But most of the time for I don't know how long, years I try to express how I feel calmly whether sober or not. I've tried every which way, words, letters, emails, text but I haven't been able to have him see my point of view. It's just love. Just show me some affection. Make me feel wanted.

Now here we are at a break up again and from his point of view it's all on me. How I don't do anything, how I don't make enough money, how I drink, how I've gained weight.  At times it feels like he doesn't want me to stop drinking. He wants to make me the one who's to blame for everything. I go to bed every night saying I won't drink the next day. I wake up every morning saying I won't drink this day and he'll come home with beer or wine when I haven't asked for it. I told him a few times that I feel like he doesn't want me to stop drinking and his answer was that he didn't want to waste time going to get it if I ask once he gets home because he needs to get to the gym.

So at this point in my life, 43 years old, 17 with him. 17 years that I will never get back. My self esteem is so low. I can't bare to look in the mirror. If we go out, I fix my hair, put make up on and he doesn't even notice or at least he doesn't say anything. It's been years since he's called me beautiful, said I smelled good, etc. 

The though of having to start over is so hard to think about. I think dying would make all the problems disappear not just for me but for him as well and in a selfish way I want to cause him pain. I want him to feel sorrow or remorse of any kind instead of the finger pointing he does now. 

I look at a picture of my daughter every day, constantly just to stay strong to not do it. I've called suicide hot line multiple times. The last time being past Saturday when I actually got in the car with plans to driving to the largest bridge in this city over water but I stopped and parked a little over a mile away from home and called. 

I want someone to validate what I've done in my life that I'm not just an overweight drunk. 

Typing all of this down has calmed me and I'm thankful that this is here because like I said I have no one to talk to and I'm not about to call my daughter and tell her all this and have her worry.  ",2.648823792653366,3.4294857468208093,3.7792215178071977,92.8167718627634,74.1907514450867,6.875442849151592,23.893809435017715,6.968188349444268,0.5723339548760022,3141,86,741,28,62,1021,320,865,0.108,0.725,0.16699999999999998,0.9973,1,0,11,0,0,2,88.0,3,0,0,7,42,35,0,0,42,0,59,30,4,20,7,130,132,56,3,15,28,8,16,5,1,6,4,7,5,3,42,31,17,4,21,15,2,20,30,7,1,5,20,30,96,28,108,102,17,130,0,3,6,6,75,52,0,15,56,455,138,3,0.043462743228069936,0.0,0.04241336781451164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03616448409352131,0.0,0.0,0.029556155796058838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153226882195313,0.0,0.08126359575836006,0.0,0.08166935593758011,0.03342016674735377,0.0,0.05298896973046725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561146757969143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752128104747772,0.0,0.0,0.04464820965885533,0.0,0.0748786096733814,0.045569859361337374,0.046967785007137344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817924279441265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510746558852753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803453948914208,0.1334324287933684,0.0,0.3406155353947953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044908632078199714,0.04847244755661146,0.028706731995246326,0.0,0.21971541421436094,0.0,0.07812302223905562,0.0,0.12291841869100174,0.0,0.1977846199688527,0.09314937733919966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033579207604010716,0.0,0.13624493686856082,0.0,0.12350439287911442,0.1458179477752781,0.06952225231328463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786816195913268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079002557968608,0.0,0.0,0.05015017026558526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051951768982214,0.07165796108764748,0.035427936625941445,0.0,0.046020769553817516,0.04722239768756836,0.0,0.061398041776013386,0.10616850476637717,0.08712217357372051,0.03837839854475447,0.038463160064073736,0.10949327381995108,0.0,0.0,0.036950470050099056,0.15690729064849018,0.0,0.20308203018928225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090303957626401,0.06938309397177589,0.04619401775095759,0.06390023431992374,0.032227073389194096,0.03352114697061679,0.0,0.04622312049712393,0.04078684027257223,0.0,0.0,0.09896524246856027,0.04560683779750231,0.09257280613481003,0.0883544389079278,0.03305537473116561,0.046247423145908975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298021264619614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434536300256855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041587975497577034,0.0,0.08738412286888123,0.048688219331505175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666272074935948,0.0,0.0,0.12402906503384108,0.1382532715269564,0.0,0.0,0.03463417921243652,0.03956684908835875,0.04534112005896291,0.0,0.0,0.03595283032985529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047752388563273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03076315335833962,0.09265100275825064,0.0,0.145347197885923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508237360566196,0.0,0.040963121132017694,0.0,0.0,0.03493370666726997,0.0379883532792863,0.04001465456069559,0.0,0.0,0.028874715354448757,0.13924585455946756,0.04270192454917821,0.034504563287557986,0.2534347509441001,0.0,0.0,0.08306102741872655,0.0,0.14754174841232645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23071906833086944,0.1379948102010666,0.0,0.1058518246411831,0.03907822582766024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328278941761689,0.04413852547986685,0.0,0.061749371564395736,0.0,0.0,0.13994290828433004
suicidewatch,endofthegame,2019/03/13,"Trying to work out how I have a rope ready to go in a wooded location, this is known by husband and others. I no longer am left on my own and doors or locked at night and keys are hidden. Any sort of medications are locked away in a safe. I just can't take it anymore I need to work out a way to kill myself. ",1.7857352941176463,2.5166708088235303,3.5963529411764728,93.50158823529414,76.20588235294117,6.616470588235294,19.482352941176472,6.742157984588678,-0.10622705882352924,237,4,59,2,5,80,52,68,0.103,0.8170000000000001,0.08,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,12,9,5,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,13,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,1,40,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20249687508300826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953122953804955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797689503586784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923211387578127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32944337173042626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235328718538817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999764871504961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207960229812014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794412019173005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388936988491992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021693430223657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363595424604825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335667734337847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotWorthAShit1994,2019/03/13,"Playing with a razor blade I've always wanted to do what was best for my friends and yet they all seem to be in a much better position than me.

I feel obscenely selfish for feeling this way as these people are meant to be my friends yet I cant help but feel selfish.

I might just slice open my wrists and let my friends enjoy a better life without me.",3.8067123287671234,4.5644313150684965,4.490301369863015,88.87353424657536,71.46575342465755,6.935890410958903,28.298630136986297,6.742157984588678,1.230092602739726,278,10,59,2,5,89,53,73,0.093,0.628,0.28,0.9296,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,3,3,10,0,0,3,0,8,2,1,0,1,15,14,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,10,8,10,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856574047114089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23782338871193054,0.4008534085717348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34375718104889896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252574429025607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518984047056405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317339922217104,0.16006819260897556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404076841165501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659155111484664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710956252055486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630605920333994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366616769989162,0.1798801657134673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845329915998932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,erdgamer0087,2019/03/13,"Im getting more and more suicidal everyday I dont know what to do at the moment... My Grades are bad i dont have friends and almost no people caring about me i love my parents and i hope they love me back i literally cry myself to sleep everyday looking back on those memorys
I had as a little kid... When i was so, so happy i would love to go back and just stay there i am feeling worse and better and even more worse a guy in my school it isn't really bullying but it just annoys the crap outta me... He Hits me sometimes for the weirdest reasons like shooting the football away when i am obviously playing and all the other comments about me like how they hate me so much and would just like to see me gone... It could be so easy to fullfill their wishes 
At the moment im 11 turning 12 this year and i am feeling so shit i dont really know how to fix my grades i dont know how to do anything really i just posted this because im looking for someone to help me and end this hell 

I hope you guys understand",1.6442772424017775,3.3678531361502384,3.6844526809982727,88.61406226834696,78.67136150234742,6.549938225846306,23.886582653817644,7.475848149327749,1.0329211267605642,790,27,170,11,19,269,114,213,0.174,0.632,0.194,-0.0199,1,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,0,1,3,1,21,19,5,0,8,0,18,6,3,4,2,34,40,22,1,6,5,1,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,7,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,5,32,13,18,32,5,21,1,0,3,3,15,6,3,3,14,121,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972650190023384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195531925769196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356949317648816,0.2297391496619856,0.0831547430710716,0.060710054398048725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808058907366179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154017229928013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795157094043413,0.0,0.10939658696543804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668819879928232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820850921855493,0.0,0.0,0.06577924688426445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071291019817608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694414632525773,0.0,0.05203244858205012,0.0,0.056600144884703364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722248671815495,0.0,0.10601700429766228,0.0,0.09832598836207047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675408356133762,0.0,0.0,0.1978336631485288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227277319440731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419865258044436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145966129913719,0.0998168472389768,0.0,0.0,0.1672635555070405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696556528417415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321121209458213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105845755698879,0.0,0.0,0.06904420678483181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538112795258408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140259643406576,0.1023966495699077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079191555557576,0.07936153183253253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222924420966614,0.0,0.0,0.09966342440245902,0.0,0.08438355528172106,0.0,0.09849854065312116,0.0,0.0,0.10615128858134833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089369373146412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832695424628926,0.0,0.10367826441976756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145253107131119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298449492665407,0.1414938892297173,0.0,0.0,0.0641336611583741
suicidewatch,brpoccrit,2019/03/13,I dont know what to do I wanna die but i dont have the balls to kill myself because i dont wanna feel pain. I dont know if i should go talk to a family member or a friend. Or go see a doc or go to the hospital. Help pls,-2.6310303030303044,-1.2820478909090869,1.7159090909090935,99.08719696969698,91.54545454545456,5.121212121212121,12.803030303030305,6.42735559955562,-1.0208787878787882,166,2,48,2,6,64,31,55,0.156,0.622,0.222,0.4316,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,14,5,2,4,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,13,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552828857978767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966432145941638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8115502061417224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319585535600012,0.0,0.08753130891153478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337469412347979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29515291077927674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160342263532301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152426781626744,0.0,0.19027713466056304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420480491082009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379489232285497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914194962072202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KillmyselfALT,2019/03/13,How to Kill myself without involving others I dont want to buy a gun and the fastest way seems to me to walk in front of a semi on the highway. It seems like it would be the easiest and the quickest but I dont want the poor driver to blame themselves or deal with the mess.. ,5.5668926553672335,4.121333711864409,6.280000000000001,85.06655367231639,67.8135593220339,9.222598870056501,31.53107344632768,7.793537801064563,1.8922497175141249,215,7,49,2,3,71,42,59,0.163,0.725,0.112,-0.2762,0,0,0,1,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,8,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,8,5,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,10,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680716997198933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6094886844947381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287676284613671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703382123659646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734292947843943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30673592309918835,0.20639369567786334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25065233605839665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847124683079233,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,infernalteo,2019/03/13,I dont want to kill myself Hi. I don't want to kill myself. But I want to damage myself really badly. Like permanently. Remove an eye or a leg or maybe a finger. Something that hinders my everyday life. That's all I wanted to say. Idk why i wanted to tell you this but i did. ,-1.2281544256120505,0.8134823050847473,2.3666666666666667,89.77094161958568,98.83050847457628,4.656120527306968,13.335216572504704,6.42735559955562,-0.4097585687382299,212,4,45,3,9,77,39,59,0.162,0.716,0.122,0.2017,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,0,3,4,3,0,1,10,8,4,2,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,3,11,1,5,7,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385321920485165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580663270400484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872252039154542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555298950875369,0.10757591564991087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212149825143875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106224218821165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510751315603645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695164923450462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245970813303406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6493821383334448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869129716704434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cerise_K,2019/03/13,I am a waste of life. My fiance got his side hoe pregnant. I still love him... But I can't take this anymore.  I wanted to leave something behind.. I don't know when I'm doing it yet. I've done extensive research on one way and it will be easy for me to achieve. All I have to do is find a place that sells it. ,-1.1444565217391298,0.7091509855072502,1.2838949275362346,101.2197554347826,89.86956521739133,4.029710144927536,17.320652173913047,5.148860815047168,-0.8681173913043478,234,6,60,1,8,79,55,69,0.062,0.8270000000000001,0.111,0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,1,6,16,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,10,1,7,12,1,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,41,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050841386475587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31481006933068306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811662573445465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460380726262189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906420652082788,0.0,0.0,0.3257334469192108,0.0,0.0,0.21728662922947095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27764612111667464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084565745359553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214056000996633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368269277088332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245671977063177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312978383635455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144686054199907,0.2441806472357601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway03l,2019/03/13,"What the hell is wrong with most of you???? I thought this was a SUPPORT sub! But no, you're just encouraging people to kill themselves! Honestly, this sub needs to be completely removed.
Do none of you know how to be nice?! Don't encourage suicide!",0.8485638297872349,3.307983297872344,2.016143617021278,91.07187500000003,99.0,5.754255319148936,25.02393617021277,7.1686216300943375,1.5938957446808508,193,9,38,4,8,61,38,47,0.29100000000000004,0.509,0.201,-0.7909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,0,0,2,8,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,5,6,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714918680213196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919963461219079,0.0,0.1947219075366482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26271961033018465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24563696665374035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875624050821269,0.4020717398071104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812860265667184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873871342484754,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMedsPeds,2019/03/13,"Intrusive thoughts again, thinking of doing it just so that they will stop. I've always suffered from depression my whole life but things got really bad back in December after my husband died of an OD. At first I was devastated and almost killed myself a couple of times. 
But things started to get better in like mid Feb and I was almost feeling normal again. 

But the last day or so my depression has been fucking with me really bad. It's not even so much over his death anymore. I just read some stupid bullshit meme online and it applied to me. ""I am no one's favorite person."" That's true, I have friends, I have family I am kind of talking to this guy but there really isn't anyone out there that actually loves me. I have no other half anymore and I doubt I will ever find one ever again. Every guy I end up liking isn't that interested in me back. My husband was the only guy EVER to be like that. I feel like I had my one shot and it's over now. But yeah, the feeling is just kind of like this impending doom of being alone and not having anyone that really cares about me alive anymore. I am kind of an odd person and I tend to scare people away or they get bored of me. Whether that be friends, relatives, boyfriends etc. I always end up alone, that was never the case when my husband was alive but now that he is not, I get stuck in seclusion with my thoughts and that's when the intrusive thoughts of suicide start. 

But at this point I am just tired. Tired of fighting them. Part of me just wants to let them win because I just don't see much of point of life anymore. Each day is a struggle. Going to work, coming home to nothing, an empty lonely house, fighting staying sober myself. I really don't see much of a pay off. I have a handful of people who care about me but when I am feeling suicidal and I think of them the only thing that crosses my mind is a way to tell them  bye without them realizing what I plan on doing (might try to stop it somehow, get me institutionalized or something) I am sure they all would be sad, but they would get over it. I am not super important to anyone. Sure, semi important. But my husband was the only person on this planet that actually loved me. 

Idk what the point of this exactly is. I am not really reaching out for ""help"" because as of this moment I am pretty dead set on ending it. I know how, I just have to orchestrate it, which may take a while. So I guess I  just wanted to maybe talk to someone on the same mental level I am before I proceed any further to like, pass the time or whatever. ",2.8186118903266646,4.5341568054474735,4.177697040991767,86.40104198715048,75.3035019455253,6.804741652339156,24.21029771061443,7.5712925761633665,1.1219306488100624,1994,63,404,26,43,658,230,514,0.218,0.632,0.15,-0.9934,0,4,1,0,5,3,54.0,0,0,9,6,32,39,5,3,19,1,47,8,1,1,9,83,80,34,7,5,29,4,5,6,2,6,4,0,1,6,34,15,0,2,12,1,1,4,13,17,0,5,13,7,65,22,61,56,10,63,1,6,2,3,33,25,1,12,38,304,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.12709193860426668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041294099649706,0.1348856321282158,0.0,0.0,0.10836711699409557,0.0,0.0,0.04428260866053679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583190245008705,0.13659647749903905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118069199351345,0.1001437518231172,0.10874195319269593,0.0793909000240215,0.0,0.05541079159539372,0.0,0.0,0.057591755686425126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327846885884715,0.0,0.0,0.0560935629127652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720520491825883,0.0,0.08399170317094543,0.0,0.11217241962733186,0.0,0.06758241024672591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302618996327288,0.0,0.07262400566497355,0.04300995662764482,0.17670941861437453,0.054864891606549164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138764312048385,0.0,0.13170287300761568,0.046520454736476986,0.0,0.0,0.059516854630476825,0.05538950723196411,0.0,0.0,0.10062031880733342,0.0602007261402273,0.17010785792984526,0.0,0.03700817342729183,0.0,0.05208097280362151,0.0,0.07173503824374716,0.19343176613139226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043647356494410164,0.0,0.06531886351538689,0.0,0.0,0.07513765929012764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204363968661738,0.20343175237288988,0.03578725945904188,0.05308002380560127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658777088524798,0.09198982016643167,0.1908807781803908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754343487218168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541998388208747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562382913547166,0.06908011912939441,0.06575081838644414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436081076932427,0.0,0.05022316986670165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380200961047698,0.06248266867108709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237733176730626,0.14857597518241433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051666433999018,0.0,0.09028952077942183,0.17057610024103542,0.0,0.0,0.18467323977870895,0.0,0.0,0.06624861931028468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513582141301245,0.0,0.2502983162921272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519467766467797,0.0,0.10378154824503494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517443912270592,0.05013117136512064,0.0,0.0,0.09218199354011278,0.06940733641851048,0.0,0.10888346116963868,0.0,0.06807568079790356,0.0,0.14245748229057342,0.0,0.12274626477948028,0.0,0.04896078196665469,0.10467908425458901,0.0569161765668176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978491476174464,0.08345022576828005,0.0,0.1550897298967479,0.07594189159426942,0.14968758211012276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044210982991946736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681680244298363,0.05168779576312256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270214424060142,0.0,0.06277162057293167,0.0,0.04740682479250504,0.0,0.0,0.09251620118962954,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gurtr00d,2019/03/13,"I don’t know what I’m doing anymore It seems pitiful posting on this, but I’m not kidding when I say this, this is my last resort. I have no potential. I have no meaning. The only thing holding me back is the sadness I would cause my family. I’ve tried talking to multiple people, but everyone essentially tells me that I shouldn’t be feeling like this, and that I’m wrong for feeling like this. Am I being selfish? If I don’t make anyone happy does it even matter if I go? I can’t do anything right. Everything I do disappoints someone, and I’ve been working my ass off for years now to try to make everyone happy, but I can’t make anyone happy. I feel worthless, and the fact that all of my peers are having no trouble doing all this makes it that much worse. Someone please help, I feel so alone and I can’t think of anything else to do at this point.",2.8125892857142856,4.262594301136367,4.3310389610389635,86.40227272727276,74.73863636363636,6.846753246753247,26.775974025974026,7.447530270364453,1.4034201298701299,671,25,137,8,14,224,98,176,0.229,0.612,0.159,-0.9359,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,0,3,0,22,1,1,5,3,30,38,11,0,4,6,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,16,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,1,5,21,5,11,33,3,12,0,4,0,1,5,5,1,3,7,94,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324026420928986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275839929417591,0.17990698702665964,0.0,0.2117322629202997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892217385420488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215667029854045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258050734015106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746868203502577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497062132236892,0.0,0.0,0.24585686411857116,0.1156202966665283,0.0,0.12127764328203625,0.0,0.2601926583251929,0.18381194742320972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311347735937407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108437456767343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622987073707385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707014354370468,0.10486508139534133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570157851976765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34349347119690826,0.0,0.0,0.14013510712633767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457089392320936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784240607450496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918814713004419,0.0,0.0,0.1412165902477704,0.1216137002993841,0.0,0.12320897681937736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986447008964532,0.0,0.1023058492293809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171160740749933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800563129869227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340218319183288,0.1124437982592072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546784442688714,0.0824322795115895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468674644902146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936570895063564,0.0,0.1311030413822737,0.09138766594820648,0.1406561121329215,0.0,0.08284492897727194
suicidewatch,Biscuitboy225,2019/03/13,"I do nothing for my self School is for parents, interaction are for friends, everything is for everyone

But me

I don’t do anything for my self. I think I’m a waste in society. I call myself “the worst human being” because I will not have a place in society. I can’t cook, I can’t clean, I can’t do anything without help. I hate it, and I want to get help. I am considering stopping my counseling again because of the cost being $80. I don’t want my parents to pay gay amount for something they find pointless. The only reasons I haven’t ended it is because of family, friends, and my favorite show isn’t over yet. Isn’t that bad or what? I have a show on the same level as people. I really don’t know what it is about me that has a hatred for myself. Is my ego too big, or is it too small? I always put myself down because I’m a catholic and think that any self confidence is “vain”, and yet I have other deadly sins. My grades are garbage, and have no place in this school. I want to change, but not badly enough. I hate every second here and want something to look for to. I’m incredibly inconsistent in my personality. One day I want to die, the next I fear death incredibly. I don’t know what I want in life, or if I want it period. I can tell being an adult is going to be a challenge, but I just can’t die yet. I don’t know what to do with myself. I really don’t",1.7788045977011535,3.1816366448275875,4.0149137931034495,87.79938218390807,77.3793103448276,7.040229885057474,23.46264367816092,7.793537801064563,1.0164367816091957,1057,33,237,16,24,366,130,290,0.14800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.108,-0.9527,2,0,2,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,1,1,9,11,2,1,12,0,39,3,0,1,0,34,59,14,4,8,11,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,6,14,7,1,1,7,3,2,2,17,8,0,2,0,1,43,3,30,54,4,24,1,0,1,1,16,13,0,4,9,167,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580308789643322,0.0,0.0,0.0701243083432849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971594377758234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219975259341982,0.2514410113285274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529580652812956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908599905504347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650308405030672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404203221420326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133263421358442,0.10654926793783986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688202191817125,0.0985344159472441,0.09267651277117957,0.0,0.09721121101170828,0.11603729928802582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424869925175336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593386314644352,0.0,0.0538753079003615,0.0,0.0586047805930166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036168983768086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823669281303785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001415858118316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283584581979309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659380635567197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966799527972952,0.0,0.0,0.09894525314872238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698759559060974,0.07842648096881995,0.0,0.0,0.2290024098506019,0.0,0.0,0.07148958007239106,0.09003934359417545,0.2154743604564328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366285823242996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212106543545424,0.10602328304509777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872342672326816,0.0,0.0,0.32272613924324217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158771753731419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621191970729844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013036124154984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214870442595725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257549083462444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940282673966996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beckyboo45,2019/03/13,"I lost my best friend, and my girl lost her daddy. Please help to make her birthday a little bit less sad xxx
Also raise awareness of depression wherever you are.
gf.me/u/rfhpp5",4.951145833333332,7.700972656250002,4.42625,82.32708333333336,72.4375,8.016666666666666,26.291666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.2965916666666666,143,5,24,3,3,43,29,32,0.24,0.486,0.274,0.3729,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,2,2,3,1,0,4,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294965266805833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011661307353733,0.0,0.3133060913471085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471740795885544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171880371072566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923555755295596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28762775359738274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265416584559849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156031366494905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150161105338757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SumTingIsVaryWong,2019/03/13,"I am of jealous of rich kids who dont have to work at all that I want to kill myself I'm 18 and I fucking hate university, I hate my stupid courses, my stupid school and the stupid assignments.

I hate getting up going to do something that I hate.

The only thing I like now is playing video games and cars, but there are no careers in playing games except for being a twitch streamer which is impossible and there is no job for just driving cars that pays well.

I also hate knowing that I'm going to have to work a shitty job I hate for the rest of my life, I hate that I will never be able to afford a nice car I want for a long time when I'll be old as hell.

I hate my life and that my parents decided to have a me without being so rich that they can support their me forever like a billionaire could and yeah I know that sounds like I'm a spoiled brat but it's how I feel.

I don't want to work this shitty life for some fatass lazy slob of a boss that earns more than I'll ever make.

I also want to kill myself so I don't have to be a mindless slave like everyone else.

My parents are decently well-off and even though they care about me a lot, I wish they would die so I would get their money and house and cars so I could sell it all and live without having to be a mindless worker.

I hate how some people don't have to do work and I will.

I wish I was born into a family of billionaires rather than my family, even if my current family actually loves me (which they do).

You can call me spoiled or whatever, I don't care. It's what I think and I'm serious about it all. Fuck those people/kids who have everything already",2.4949789403679894,3.5191422276657067,4.033443804034588,89.9157431833297,74.85014409221903,7.182841941919753,23.43260917756595,7.61054688173877,0.8334798049213039,1271,35,289,16,26,424,157,347,0.241,0.608,0.151,-0.9923,6,0,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,1,6,6,21,33,18,0,15,1,36,7,0,4,5,49,70,27,3,12,9,2,1,4,0,4,4,1,0,1,21,13,0,0,5,5,5,7,10,19,1,0,1,2,49,14,34,57,8,20,1,0,0,3,16,4,3,5,13,201,70,13,0.0749099590560624,0.0,0.0731013141472127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266500257249923,0.11981093438582065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649144363176012,0.0,0.15275139148943306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961901365484133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774471074290247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779391411344163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257765855534124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989546429277586,0.06776034664230092,0.0,0.07157967607383797,0.06732424097754527,0.0,0.21185532774728566,0.0,0.037876726091173804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385061001286618,0.07827472362450266,0.0,0.08514611206448829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.665622683200228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643603514707042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867315113367882,0.0,0.16575354172347834,0.0,0.08233710886507488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873335829593296,0.14638888858642074,0.0,0.0661468662605738,0.06629295648567574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368576838397823,0.06760916272816474,0.0,0.05000297935528671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057775178476525815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860540081788782,0.0,0.0,0.0569723994341711,0.0,0.0,0.16635728907157368,0.0,0.0,0.05193313356600432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581287781658007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766934625083151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500693381364242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976684820851943,0.0479992770315494,0.07359865443394507,0.0,0.043680599535523085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767353388055221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347060990316411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228551199052414,0.14442105472384284,0.0,0.21814136946447926,0.0,0.0,0.10642777128340687,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DieEneGember,2019/03/13,"what are options when u dont have that much stuff in ur home and cant buy them i dont have a rope, sleeping pills, drugs, etc. are there some easier options that dont involve stuff thats hard to get?",2.6024242424242416,3.0286259090909127,3.5390909090909086,95.81196969696973,74.0,6.775757575757575,23.75757575757576,6.42735559955562,0.2977212121212123,156,4,39,1,3,50,33,44,0.037000000000000005,0.89,0.073,0.34,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,0,4,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,9,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7204611396685269,0.0,0.2376312571381564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22852950000811084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070573383117794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835596613755477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055420529835744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063287842519404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505859774673926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691472566226733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,secondaccount-maddy,2019/03/13,"I'm sick of myself I really really don't like anything about myself. the way I look, my personality, the choices I've made, so on. I'm 17, a girl and from Canada. I have very few actual friends, as in maybe 2.5 online friends. one of those friends is gone till June. I have no irl friends. I have people I talk to occasionally or people that I hang out with maybe once a year/half a year, but I'm not sure i would call them friends. I don't go to school because it seems pointless (I know it isn't) and I don't have the motivation. I'm dumb. usually my thought process is ""well worst case scenario I just off myself and be done with it"", but over the last few months, through testing it out, I've realized it's not so easy to just go through with, and that's only made me feel more trapped. I really do hate myself and it feels like my mind is just constantly yelling at me if that makes sense. my pets deserve a better owner, my parents deserve a better kid, I think I have eating issues and I feel like I won't stop hating myself until I'm way too thin (im not anywhere near thin rn) and I'm always alone and just don't know what to do. I want to just give up but I'm bad at that, too. I'm useless.",1.2009253933344652,2.8285889571984444,3.0472035188631383,93.11760277448826,79.6614785992218,6.02598545085434,22.068854677719507,6.8959733430537185,0.3854961597022508,930,28,218,10,23,311,132,257,0.195,0.6920000000000001,0.113,-0.978,1,2,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,1,3,11,18,3,0,9,0,19,2,0,4,1,44,46,18,0,3,13,1,5,3,5,2,1,1,1,3,12,13,1,1,10,0,0,4,10,6,1,1,5,7,31,12,27,38,4,27,0,1,1,0,14,12,1,3,12,130,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.11148458634253047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832118595805287,0.0,0.0,0.09505924092351332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401216893025874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538804587374143,0.06964140877651301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207711456612035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665476950054142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345598458121175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691014645637385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689900294037235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329392184852466,0.1632302948469916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413188886361244,0.0,0.0,0.10959219535816768,0.12985374056433652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558241519538805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340193139714092,0.11923990174114958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556981539315834,0.09312320768739088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743992443488284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959352594720552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619878013589144,0.07625801990497848,0.0,0.22954468778194195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535275753909205,0.0,0.09118758930482516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166495529948755,0.07741394266900997,0.08688687006459464,0.0,0.0,0.12685321579760078,0.0,0.0,0.1584032785352638,0.09975248985962792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195607727799886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561990945603955,0.0,0.10400244146572483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095512176156487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767257706754084,0.0,0.0,0.09182411201685743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320223455663889,0.0,0.09069609802895487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582240935791875,0.09426235333086996,0.06738341973976633,0.18136138587205292,0.0,0.0,0.10271808313948803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115487522559446,0.0,0.0,0.14713735829590222
suicidewatch,throwaway641279,2019/03/13,"I'm killing myself tonight The time has come, I know the signs.

There's no one that loves me that will be left behind.

I'm not looking for comfort, a reason to stay.

I just hope dear God takes this fucking life away.",0.7586666666666666,2.9938275333333344,1.2933333333333366,101.82000000000004,84.77777777777777,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.7630888888888889,169,5,39,0,5,51,39,45,0.16699999999999998,0.615,0.217,0.3798,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,7,12,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,4,4,4,10,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274103727735342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513122064388553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697132528210086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897682925260071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32277225958505545,0.0,0.16033524472386287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31698144524749905,0.0,0.20606789331506745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449920509469401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633109615096978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769374358021205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29996211801405664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109610078701258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935568906805145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701186673360073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrimsonViper013,2019/03/13,Why do people help people who want to die Theres literally nothing to live for. Anything a person does has no impact on anything. Its just that our retarded instincts tell us we must survive when theres literally no point to do that. Anything you do is worthless. Any “achievment” has no meaning and the hapines from it will fade away in like an hour. Even typing this post has no point. Theres no point in anything. I want this to end and not last any longer.,2.619333333333333,5.021198711111115,3.256666666666668,89.525,78.55555555555556,5.333333333333334,25.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,0.8798888888888885,364,14,71,3,9,114,62,90,0.21,0.7140000000000001,0.076,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,3,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,9,12,3,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,10,10,0,13,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,48,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091751930374534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346680227075318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260942290125767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857790080442986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214460381417465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438657967446006,0.0,0.0,0.1072842500808736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088741834839595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996197456547992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240307581706773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935566067189108,0.0,0.14342969126059668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693515292789996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585708001204152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252186304404593,0.14182862474156302,0.0,0.0,0.460649849317206,0.0,0.15556415235743176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197199437575875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953846873623941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19161221470307255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656885847718928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnrc0516,2019/03/13,"I took around 5-6,000 mg of tylenol extra strength. Am I gonna be good? Took it all at once.",-2.2300000000000004,-0.4280549523809505,-0.4980952380952371,111.10142857142858,98.5238095238095,2.8000000000000003,16.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.5836476190476192,70,2,20,0,3,22,19,21,0.0,0.711,0.289,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32360115844725923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048951202621448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871265134381815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8077464444274092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RavenZNK,2019/03/13,"Trying to get my life together M (20) I am very sensitive person who like to drink. I know thats not good combination but I can't help myself it makes my loneliness go away in some point but when I drink too much I just uncontrollably cry until I pass out. I am orphan so my parents can't help. I had once girl who was like angel to me , but she cheated on me , I found out because one of my few friends who told me then I just took my car and wanted to just drive straight in full speed in tree, but something in my mind stoped me , so I just wrecked my car and survived.
After the crash I just feel blank like nothing could fullfill my emptyness in me, everyday is same for me , trying not overthink which is worst for me.
Please if some good soul could help me, I very appreciated..",2.2117232142857155,3.9904918687500017,3.395892857142858,91.07125000000003,77.1875,6.571428571428572,23.30357142857143,7.447530270364453,0.7844821428571422,609,19,135,8,14,197,98,160,0.206,0.674,0.119,-0.9522,1,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,1,1,0,10,3,0,1,0,27,19,12,0,4,12,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,2,0,3,2,0,6,4,3,0,1,5,1,31,6,18,12,7,24,2,0,0,0,12,12,0,3,9,93,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327154300081172,0.0,0.0,0.09944612712287627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26050147456115497,0.0,0.17919711985175565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31962214027933217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248640995126952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788700880271555,0.12603838742514306,0.0,0.08523177169762823,0.0,0.09271388832025716,0.2736612967758747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32803965400623586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965522125247123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522770679654155,0.2390998732411039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088944763588258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647207486428056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992365312411375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565332905852284,0.0,0.0,0.17373440347738053,0.11054510411256634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811431050258761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244397064451067,0.0,0.1790742233862666,0.15421615049642678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255899816952838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588333824294107,0.18124998135264667,0.22151712770678567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269208395893468,0.0962217772894177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xwearethefandomx,2019/03/13,"The only reason I haven’t killed my self is because I know how badly it will hurt my mom. I don’t even feel like a person anymore; I’ve lost myself, my personality. I’m going to buy a gun today and think about it some more. I’ve already attempted suicide by overdosing and hanging, and was hospitalized for it. I have therapists and med providers. I work two jobs to keep myself busy and out of financial trouble. Everyone tells me I am young and beautiful and have so much potential, but I’ve honestly never truly enjoyed life except for this past year with my SO. I became a different person and came out of my shell and made so many memories and had so many experiences. He abandoned me (I have PTSD from abandonment from my father and a few other friendships and relationships). I cannot handle another abandonment. And if it isn’t him it will be someone else down the road. I want to call my mom one last time and tell her I love her and I’m sorry. I am so lost.",4.132028127313102,5.3591135906735765,5.621661732050336,79.31193005181349,71.12435233160622,9.037601776461882,28.293486306439675,9.424239791934726,2.4915258327165057,765,28,149,17,14,259,120,193,0.189,0.72,0.091,-0.9543,2,0,0,1,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,4,8,13,1,0,6,0,15,2,0,3,1,35,28,23,2,2,3,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,7,19,0,4,4,0,1,3,5,9,0,2,6,1,26,4,16,19,4,14,0,6,0,1,16,4,0,2,8,101,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112996351522628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410397588338052,0.0,0.0,0.12683266620807004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678293539356648,0.07796064995337612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059014471704167,0.146272264177509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361798937026198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683581193913452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447023959025926,0.0,0.0,0.12220452136165767,0.0,0.1251011093779177,0.0,0.0,0.0646651037920843,0.0913647505264458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268292091677908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690905337843556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691124261919598,0.1136746437728816,0.14149150528023022,0.0,0.07028508321817327,0.10424754358933484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033259689837596,0.06248066854869112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792144179327628,0.0,0.11542585583001225,0.12101275458549896,0.0,0.2593210830396913,0.0,0.0,0.142057128698057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995668019328352,0.0,0.0,0.09401397734460837,0.0,0.09863676981473128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666167718256781,0.0972662239557513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208562166943207,0.0,0.33500624472778834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494967444586467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149237688336965,0.0,0.1373061622717788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334173209024813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836091122578638,0.0,0.0,0.14316255524471855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989106946431246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356326060884235,0.0,0.0,0.1484903242286751,0.0,0.08194684576799867,0.0,0.0,0.07457377640997523,0.0,0.12122491080251192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493009586315636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543292548620918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310555421166032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235706519078888
suicidewatch,arabiancurlyhead,2019/03/13,"I've been having suicidal thoughts more than usual lately, but even making myself busy didnt help. Iam 18 years old from a very wealthy and respected country. Ironic how such a social place has no help. Expensive therapists yet i dont use my free health care, im afraid to talk to people. Iam lonely. Iam ugly. Iam nothing. 
I havent cried in years yet i throw myself in bed wishing i could cry but i cant. Im afraid to talk to the people i love because i lost the people i loved due to being clingy. Yet i showed them i felt fine but i was a fucking creep. 
I speak some languages yet im stupid and i cant do basic stuff that others do.

Since years all i do is dream about life i wont have or about dying.",-0.7195090909090887,1.4583809400000047,1.3077575757575772,97.83054545454547,96.26666666666668,3.793939393939394,14.818181818181818,5.565023196281405,-0.8628,551,12,123,4,22,181,94,150,0.224,0.596,0.18,-0.6814,1,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,9,12,2,2,5,0,17,5,0,3,1,15,27,7,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,2,1,7,6,0,0,6,2,19,7,11,18,3,15,0,2,0,3,9,3,1,2,11,72,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178226043043177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678434153070934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711527965663267,0.0,0.29473536975435105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923616620145854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723369345858307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861094843261229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881396127335973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402810553379542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260505600215914,0.0,0.0,0.1798482936883543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434745178268545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133752725426414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947606769481566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645071748994407,0.0,0.24216800161468474,0.0,0.0895523705413799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872946093572654,0.0,0.140777611081547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790274867883096,0.0,0.14016790793053416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097795440082897,0.0,0.0,0.136758505204183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358029435567427,0.14674849275453708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156643173849299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576928071701973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650749373596097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587055513361046,0.14775750851214955,0.11069546788792828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427656719274607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591825603460402
suicidewatch,stupidgoth69,2019/03/13,"I was alright for a minute. On Christmas Eve of 2018, my fiance, who I have been in a loving relationship with for over two years, left me. Ghosted me completely. To make things worse I was having a pregnancy scare at the time, which has been sorted out now, but it made it so much harder to get through.

I've struggled with mental illness my whole life. The first week of January this year I made the decision that I was going to be happy and I was not going to kill myself and everyone else could go to hell. And that worked out great for a while. I really never thought about suicide or hurting myself or anything, and I was beginning to plan my future for myself since I didn't have a fiance telling me what my life was going to be anymore. My friends who I reconnected with after two years said that they've never seen me happier. I've never had such a general contentment with life.

And then a few days ago I found my old blog. And I read through it, even though I shouldn't have. I wanted to understand. It's driving me crazy to not know why he left me like that. It's driving me crazy to not remember things. And so I read through 40 pages of psychotic snippets and I remembered that period of time of nearly a year where I was incapable of feeling anything but the most intense despair and hopelessness, my only breaks were when I could see my fiance, somehow his mere existence brought me such joy. And I remembered all that time when I would feel like a puppet, like I was going to kill myself and I didn't have a choice in the matter, I had no control. I couldn't stop my body from hurting itself. I couldn't stop the thoughts.

I should feel happy that all of that is behind me. Instead, I am horrified that I had forgotten it so completely. Instead, I am terrified that it will happen again. I spend hours crying my eyes out, I scream at the top of my lungs for hours when I am alone.

Already, I am catching my mind wandering to thoughts of ""if this is something that I have gone through and can happen again, are the good parts really worth it?"" And ""if I am so damaged in this way, should I not be put down?""

Of course, no one is going to put me down, so then I wonder if I should do it myself.

It's getting hard again.

And he's gone.",3.747887503352103,4.9210492500000065,4.632349155269509,86.24673504961115,71.98672566371681,7.86816840976133,26.97130598015553,8.296473431620573,1.666549262536874,1759,60,363,27,33,570,205,452,0.163,0.688,0.149,-0.8593,0,1,1,0,0,5,51.0,0,0,0,5,21,22,3,2,18,1,47,8,3,4,5,73,79,33,4,13,11,0,4,3,1,6,4,2,0,0,31,21,0,3,14,3,2,14,14,11,0,4,27,9,66,11,53,39,8,67,1,5,3,1,10,17,1,9,37,279,97,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204133788058859,0.0,0.0,0.08417166174959709,0.0896839469738248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059843443186435,0.0,0.0,0.13375728817236646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027313321763757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704210116902647,0.0,0.09115170446871212,0.12977566012017455,0.0,0.0892717577110536,0.05241270784391063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789102083074748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367835645661288,0.0,0.0,0.07765738430576519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327832293927735,0.058059615671950934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912859129093983,0.0,0.08910883820747198,0.06278933720484704,0.0,0.08492089692701563,0.0,0.2771271697253652,0.0681657858141889,0.0,0.08960094253031928,0.0,0.0,0.14373435619859948,0.17302778054497672,0.0728023474590515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007001743045704,0.0,0.17400336509126146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798273922947591,0.0,0.04466410618542708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660113287914336,0.0,0.17221113706377025,0.11911388961151505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334974144275408,0.1538001030409316,0.054248647063185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190148441390321,0.0,0.08205997269927569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974312150985965,0.0,0.18804231107406172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527965135699339,0.0,0.055070950686284335,0.06180982871614385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800796237353913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633984703233028,0.0,0.0,0.16258485774220227,0.0,0.10412784461930112,0.0,0.0,0.08725403358467558,0.27619068357568705,0.0,0.07730679531859654,0.0,0.08136588411505669,0.0,0.06476201532292973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672277444325489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256595209851633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589144698502065,0.0,0.08496150534473497,0.0,0.08889666618949754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103394314835072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079849328468316,0.0,0.0798477906755024,0.19355894441443228,0.14216833426308909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877881370836405,0.08460538996621683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047935408759995767,0.06450868921932758,0.06519024155148724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333392762541226,0.0907355393890056,0.0,0.0,0.0881343210089188,0.05916584528831284,0.0,0.0828215173473273,0.05773218592688205,0.0,0.0,0.2093419847499264
suicidewatch,cocameh,2019/03/13,"AA doesn't work I don't necessarily want to die. I just want to stop being alive? My drinking this last year has been my destruction. I tried to stop drinking every other day and I still failed. I did the aa, the therapy. Nothing worked and I kept drinking. I feel hopeless. My boyfriend has no idea, he knows I'm depressed and trying to get committed but I have no insurance and the hospital won't actually commit me. They will take me in for the night",1.3962424242424234,3.971713533333337,3.0720202020202017,87.61045454545456,85.8888888888889,6.383838383838384,23.73737373737373,7.686295010490155,1.399555555555556,358,14,72,7,11,118,61,90,0.257,0.706,0.037000000000000005,-0.9313,0,0,3,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,3,2,4,1,0,4,0,10,3,0,0,2,16,18,5,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,3,3,3,0,0,5,4,2,0,3,1,14,0,6,12,0,8,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,45,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.1838243087781292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148462717664853,0.0,0.16224488923857114,0.0,0.1955008316907879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535997721302528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587118882050367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524675546142744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841681461496636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212649533301948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103524555614908,0.15354866395379266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767747553822939,0.0,0.18074841733022165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043445786597082,0.3149755555968386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416326165309566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542027897949284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557850160489533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222138676410671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742747303897229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130566238584042
suicidewatch,captainstarsong,2019/03/13,"I Don't Know What Else to Do, Please Help Some background: I'm a 21F college student. I'm the daughter of immigrants, I'm first generation, and I'm in a pretty prestigious program at my school. I grew up low income, and attended a high school that only had low income students. Because of this, my ""honor"" classes barely met the standards of regular classes at any other high school, even when I got straights A's.

College has been tough on me, my first year I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was homesick a lot, had suicidal thoughts, and barely had the strength to go to class half the time because of my depression. I felt so alone and stupid because I was surrounded by people who were all better than me. They would wear name brand clothing and drove nice cars, while I had hand me downs and biked everywhere. It also didn't help that half the time they thought I was the ""help"" because of my skin color. I tanked my GPA pretty hard my first year, but I managed not to kill myself and seek out help. I was given medication, and was put on probation in my program (meaning I couldn't fail anymore classes, and had to continue with my treatment).

The next two years were a lot better for me. Thanks to my on-campus psychiatry resources my anxiety and depression were treated, and I started commuting by train, helping to ease my homesickness. On top of thought, my parents gave me a dog, and she is the absolute love of my life. She's a tiny dog with a big heart, and she'll sit on my lap while I study, and cuddle up next to me on nights where I feel at my lowest. For the last two years (so 4 semesters in total) I got 3.5 GPAs, a major improvement from the 1.8 GPA from my first semester. I worked hard, met with tutors, and forced myself to study at every chance I could.

I thought I was on track to continue with my program, I was told I needed a 2.8 GPA the semester before my first professional year in order to continue with the program. I was also told I did not need to take summer courses as I should be fine. 

However, it seems like they made a mistake. I should have taken a summer course in order to boost my GPA last year, but they forgot to tell me. Because of this, I now need a 4.0 GPA (or straight A's in all my classes) for this semester in order to continue onto my first professional year. If I do not meet this requirement, I will be dismissed and kicked out of the school. 

I've been in shock ever since I was told this. I mean, a 4.0 GPA with the classes I'm taking? I take hard science courses (organic chemistry, organ phys., etc.), and even getting B+'s has been tough on me. But to get straight A's seems like an impossible task. 

I don't know what to do, I swear I've been trying so hard to get A's. I'm half way thru the semester, but I wake up in a cold sweat because of the thought that even if I get a B+ in one course, I will be kicked out.

I never planned for this, I've never came up with a backup plan. Since my program has such a specific curriculum, it's almost impossible to switch majors. I would basically have to start from the beginning, which is financially difficult for me. 

My worst nightmare is to become a financial burden on my family, and if I get kicked out that's what I will become. All my life I've dreamed about getting a job straight out of college, being financially stable, and buying my mom a house with a kitchen that has an oven so she can finally bake whenever she wants to bake. But if I get kicked out this dream will be impossible for me.

I don't know what I'll do if I get kicked out. My suicidal thoughts have returned, and all I can think about is climbing up to my school's roof and just jumping to end it all. The fall would kill me, and then I would finally stop wasting space and not become a financial burden on my parents (who have already sacrificed so much to even get me into this program). Even thoughts of my dog has stopped working for me because I know my mother would take good care of her if I were to die. Maybe my dog would be better off without me since all I ever do at night now is cry. She deserves a better owner. 

I just don't know what to do, I don't have a backup plan, I guess my backup plan is to just kill myself because I can't do much else except waste more air. I wasn't smart enough like everyone else to complete my program, so all I can do now is finally give up.",6.2015290748050464,5.380607890271496,6.735590642148839,80.27173726773853,66.25113122171946,9.966843169346296,33.28814864734765,9.252503621752664,2.703448137094444,3421,128,710,54,47,1123,322,884,0.115,0.769,0.117,0.7623,7,1,0,0,0,3,113.0,0,0,4,22,26,37,4,0,49,0,81,15,6,1,12,121,146,49,6,21,21,5,8,3,0,13,4,0,6,0,26,42,3,4,19,3,1,10,16,20,0,12,48,10,119,17,111,77,19,118,0,8,1,2,35,55,0,14,51,483,145,38,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049615375586645874,0.05131700311446343,0.05467768237562649,0.07924737206328103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033694482217190465,0.0,0.07580849081864126,0.0,0.0491385108097935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163303382350576,0.16416631705986753,0.04216187773317167,0.0,0.0,0.17528546276112786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056669953012484786,0.05051770281485934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051950356009938116,0.0,0.0,0.03956021430573944,0.0,0.054426382624122194,0.0,0.0,0.12802740328712642,0.050290390670869496,0.051423219840309516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241735159434076,0.0,0.04388500781061143,0.05119654651296104,0.05525935217995192,0.16363062865849068,0.08963838616277119,0.04174650433890098,0.04734543846996239,0.0,0.0,0.046709643176954266,0.0,0.02505306398346118,0.0,0.04757405227228746,0.162832928099896,0.0,0.2528740952124027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329820546103685,0.047531158388741716,0.028159389863313213,0.04155868816434912,0.07925646049617048,0.0,0.05458293997497566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754185737288367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587148680020026,0.16605560531700264,0.10470080954715807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057171982441240235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049168953502066265,0.0,0.16445326120403275,0.0,0.13615200345223422,0.08077680933010321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999473277468855,0.07262025861333586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424823340428525,0.04471919446310463,0.046883714796055236,0.0,0.0,0.04977783717444534,0.10794505356957317,0.0,0.04991460933767167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803026529018625,0.0,0.0,0.07284727160810532,0.1102181107770201,0.07642926896818468,0.0,0.10539016794742123,0.09299527812360683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03357514974923306,0.0376836468093846,0.0,0.0,0.11003484823880996,0.0,0.0,0.034350490455771626,0.0,0.0,0.0543890560752391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081668595342187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980963685512378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25072717136866,0.0,0.09021365986815756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296037521583007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701409568233157,0.0,0.0,0.08284904519177591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839540056327086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490163517656856,0.0,0.043307319898480925,0.045617335211846535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03174849261619536,0.0,0.2753502118099209,0.0577839199916706,0.0,0.0,0.14203631540988715,0.0,0.03363998249620288,0.0,0.09680280403424407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02922481829986628,0.03932906321163408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776270678524284,0.0,0.07214337471351502,0.0,0.0,0.21118576276857945,0.0,0.0,0.2233519613985744
suicidewatch,kylemarcussen,2019/03/13,I'm kyle. I'm a 16 year old white Male named Kyle. I have a mother and father that support me on everything. A loving older brother and I live in a middle class home. I know I probably shouldn't complain about my life and how it is bad because people have a way worst life then me. But over the past year I feel like nothing. I just feel like something is missing. I get bored of everything. I used to have a lot of fun playing xbox but now I can't go 10 minutes before being bored of it. I'll get to points where I'll wake up in the morning and I wished I've never woke up because nothing in life is fun for me. I physically can barely move in the morning because it feels like someone is holding me down. It also doesn't help that I get nervous about everything and I can't talk to a stranger because I just go blank. I know I'm still young and have a whole life in front of me but I just dont know how to go on when I feel like this almost everyday. I've talked to my dad about it and he doesn't seem to care or he just says it'll get better. I've thought about suicide but I'm just too scared to do it. I dont know what to do to be happy again.,0.7065422800410808,2.261554488188977,2.65396439575488,95.7046097226977,80.88976377952756,5.362273194111605,21.673399520712085,6.046907544983943,0.039343580965423015,896,27,215,6,23,300,122,254,0.118,0.752,0.13,0.2677,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,18,20,0,2,11,0,21,6,1,3,1,37,49,17,1,2,10,4,4,4,0,2,4,1,1,1,11,7,0,1,10,2,0,5,8,8,0,0,2,6,25,12,29,43,3,33,0,1,1,1,14,14,0,4,17,127,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535602100117092,0.0,0.0,0.08413911712515433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784879335391838,0.2565484457698822,0.0,0.0895288531706775,0.0,0.0,0.09305270129221746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727207233166157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466186399541453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836770563226084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279622326556705,0.3006578929207303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198786337070934,0.0,0.17938559779548854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200161961400901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052232351073487,0.0,0.1055376177197716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231290129972144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972613408238017,0.20560780876526946,0.0,0.092905358868798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944866931776732,0.0949592003547867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118251922820506,0.0,0.0,0.08114705946802811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191018782091805,0.0,0.11040376339588404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043809443890572,0.07294172322728258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946066998060947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343783926720033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366991779906377,0.10533696697153506,0.0,0.0,0.09578232686220237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891469714971886,0.08099841477079818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402355630855497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508638162207176,0.11939491828957433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691330893213435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352768631300472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908705955104654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351349880331348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746700253694455,0.1209902163491804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550795872983082
suicidewatch,NohbodyInParticular,2019/03/13,"I don't know what's causing my fatigue but I can't deal with it anymore and am honestly thinking about ending it. I've been dealing with chronic fatigue for months now. I've been checked for anemia, low and high blood sugar, diabetes, hypothyroidism, depression, anxiety, insomnia, mono, other bacterial infections and viruses and so far no proper diagnosis.

I've been taking antidepressants for a few months now to see if that would help and while I feel more mentally stable, I'm still tired all the time.

 I sleep for 10+ hours a day, I wake up and I'm tired. I lay down and I'm tired. Sometimes, I feel so tired, I feel the weight of my body and lifting my fingers feels like lifting ten pounds. 

My parents stopped caring a long time ago. They think I'm faking it. I skip school because I either don't make it to school (I have to walk to and from school) or because I can't get out of bed. They offer no sympathy. I've asked them to take me to a neurologist and they're like 'oh, that's STILL going on? Let's give it a few more weeks before we go there to see if it goes away on its own'. I can't take myself to a neurologist because my parents don't have health insurance for me and I don't have enough money saved for an out-of-pocket appointment. 

I'm behind in my classes. I don't have any more hobbies because I'm to tired to do them. My friends are drifting away because I haven't hung out with them in weeks. I sleep, I wake up, I eat and if it's a good day, I watch a movie or scroll through reddit or I just stare at the wall and then I go back to sleep. 

8months ago I would have told you I'd never think about suicide because I want to do so much in life but now, I don't even have enough energy to take a walk. 

I want to die because then I might finally have a break from this pain. ",2.6356763925729467,3.8518203660477472,3.940477453580904,89.96572944297085,74.78249336870027,7.109814323607428,25.46684350132626,7.6298220110432995,1.1071941644562338,1406,47,315,18,29,462,179,377,0.146,0.732,0.122,-0.8805,3,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,1,1,5,0,14,13,0,0,14,0,28,26,8,2,2,48,59,27,2,7,10,2,6,2,1,3,15,0,1,0,13,19,3,1,8,0,2,6,13,6,0,1,4,11,44,7,44,51,11,49,0,4,4,0,17,17,0,7,27,194,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051419898277262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389790060459649,0.0,0.0606318636504082,0.0,0.07860226355201062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409517728182098,0.0,0.14893028914646822,0.06094421879377512,0.0,0.3382029737503058,0.0,0.06744239845318857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803735033882071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080842755015533,0.08141940998589055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222921833312593,0.1634222555308861,0.06826447341887168,0.0,0.08225689814302242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110033366940753,0.0,0.0,0.07019872790333387,0.1637886201941025,0.0,0.052348911625675364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030013979348562,0.05662166076728312,0.0,0.08682285047259188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123424190582372,0.0,0.04140883609205367,0.07603113275178104,0.13513179868642805,0.06647753271592728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424714559633381,0.0,0.0,0.0531247131356464,0.08374002885425634,0.0,0.0,0.07805279212637854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355791611150678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104628803978042,0.05598200212156314,0.07744254099512983,0.0,0.0,0.07014050109820326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290507791941289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987304106563896,0.08407981162834799,0.0,0.0,0.12652535493228154,0.0,0.05826347143637886,0.0,0.06112836391988743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433569754931723,0.0,0.17601241874527165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406388335192492,0.12631612592613292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379445817707241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838781445735442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659047811575155,0.06626292064897618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669497408946591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383674710937941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235525107732126,0.0,0.0,0.09243151315339332,0.455474884291515,0.0,0.0757340540295695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349639752647464,0.0,0.12715136673730318,0.09651443108319288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260468086373708,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cumflavoredpopsicle,2019/03/13,"I just want to die A couple of days ago my friend called me crying saying her and her now fiancé are engaged. I know I’m suppose to be happy for her but I’m not. My mind went straight to the fact that I haven’t had that yet and I’m older than her by 4 years. I’m 25 years old and I never been in a relationship, let alone had any sexual relations with a guy, I am currently jobless because I now have anxiety based chest pains from the constant stress of working retail and I finally quit last year and I had another job for only a week but then got fired for not “working enough hours according to company policy”, I’ve been dealing with the fact that I am depressed and have bad anxiety, I have feelings for a straight male friend who I know he clearly doesn’t want me in that way at all, I hate the fact that I am fat and disgusting looking and I was sexually abused by a family member and I feel like I’m damaged goods. I’ve been contemplating whether or not I should kill myself. If everyone I know would be better off without me because I cannot handle this anymore. I can’t do this or hold on. I’ve barely talked to the friend who got engaged because I want what she has and I know I have to put on a brave face and show my support. I already know what method I want to take when I take my own life. I can’t live this facade anymore. I just want to be and feel free. ",2.6853573667711608,3.831744513793105,4.2398746081504735,88.14304075235111,74.55172413793103,7.479623824451412,25.940438871473354,8.00094639256281,1.3677241379310348,1079,37,238,16,22,361,152,290,0.159,0.6559999999999999,0.184,0.4417,3,1,1,0,1,2,16.0,0,0,0,4,6,20,3,1,12,0,28,5,3,0,6,49,54,20,2,8,12,0,4,1,3,2,3,1,0,2,12,14,1,1,8,1,2,2,10,8,0,0,10,6,40,13,27,38,3,30,0,2,1,0,18,8,0,3,20,151,52,3,0.0,0.12466999683627958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327230551768573,0.0,0.0,0.10897750071844696,0.11611428588458315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715540705259278,0.110333674055702,0.16098796424696946,0.0,0.2087024483925254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785536380122311,0.1924257252881155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305966095377982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744267921353008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370681031852785,0.0,0.0,0.11642533185591344,0.11558062224118955,0.06785901321168655,0.10847850720150293,0.09062692406636526,0.0,0.1092030640330346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872169740609282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054343086573014,0.0,0.0,0.0991932471489213,0.0,0.15960910415016658,0.07517009498310248,0.0,0.11526475607192962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24388107225594055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825460752620617,0.1683101205539542,0.0,0.0,0.10418559832237186,0.0,0.1120099965160884,0.0,0.10388421826138426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036217539070562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441587272048823,0.0,0.1164117433685593,0.0,0.28913428597805185,0.08576937722931971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759587563172253,0.07432089344955586,0.05140579668143885,0.0,0.0929123075102246,0.0,0.08835936458367406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624348560914397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115312867464795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041202079000344,0.0,0.0,0.08002551587206715,0.11196284795149376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577643678952377,0.0,0.11191577060832288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296826402155348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367617569703711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053060714830599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940384815632747,0.0,0.0,0.15822659738511066,0.08457286961977732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103111506888179,0.08351974500228984,0.08440215445249824,0.0,0.0,0.0975411697321446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142954765682242,0.0,0.1532046727697044,0.0,0.0,0.07474616994067386,0.0,0.0,0.20327714060126134
suicidewatch,onmywayout-88,2019/03/13,People die everyday. A useless person like me won’t even be a footnote in history. Think I’m going to get it over with,0.4462666666666699,2.7569621600000005,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,87.4,6.533333333333335,24.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.7871333333333332,94,4,18,2,3,34,24,25,0.246,0.662,0.092,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188165551783532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301787766145275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611767545363821,0.0,0.2841042954948592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442255497739059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465672352352464,0.4364927915401322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203152899097172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatever3463432,2019/03/13,"Just kind of feel over it I think it might be time to say goodbye. I just feel so over it. Life is not horrible, it's just not something I feel like participating in anymore. I'm a late 30s female and I have such severe depression and BPD, I think it affected my fertility and ability to have children, so I feel like a failure there. Work is completely unfulfilling, but finding another job in the area where I live is nearly impossible. My husband is wonderful although always away for work so I'm by myself 90% of the time. I have no friends where I live, even though I've tried for years. I'm even a bad friend - I can't deal with people's dramas anymore or convince myself to care.  I feel like I've ticked off the boxes on my bucket list (traveled, traveled some more, read all the classics again last year, so sick of Netflix, spent lots of time with family, reached the top of my career while very young, tried new recipes, created, wrote, did art to the best of my ability, visited many museums regularly, etc.). I guess I just don't see the point in dragging out the inevitable. What - more mundane discussions about the same topics driving the same circle x 1000? More working in another job I'll hate? More being disappointed by people? Doing wash every Saturday, grocery shopping for the same things every Monday? This sounds arrogant I know, but I really, truly would like to understand WTF point other people see in getting up everyday? Do people actually enjoy this?",4.453082577416328,6.518613557553959,5.42319361901783,77.70918517360029,71.6978417266187,8.575789802940259,29.71285580231467,9.20300075937882,2.8186369721614013,1171,49,206,26,23,384,166,278,0.17,0.682,0.14800000000000002,-0.7874,2,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,5,17,15,1,0,14,0,16,3,0,1,1,37,37,13,0,1,9,1,5,4,2,2,3,2,0,1,10,6,0,0,11,8,2,4,5,4,0,0,3,9,22,11,32,30,12,37,0,2,2,0,9,19,0,6,18,133,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.09979259745913628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508986646015212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446046651613465,0.0,0.0,0.2028321128086617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960781657031884,0.0,0.08538418786472612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731726948934343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287949405613039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426254507224306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721937129358222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542724812038423,0.08807779030535494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140487468014975,0.13508568161327514,0.0,0.1723196641064596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640316177664947,0.0,0.2585327585407432,0.2191671823146161,0.0,0.0,0.09346527531800056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801416016189535,0.0,0.05342747990928543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265271226154196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096218630747687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029577730187802,0.0,0.0,0.10648974906355944,0.056200316347081655,0.08335687545450518,0.11535557052725247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223041205462319,0.1998394639223056,0.0,0.18059778199422305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693917917015248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036772401411212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108483426980748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876491750378943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835813475148824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933405845783788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228930139587504,0.0,0.06551141742151187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132255102468976,0.0,0.0,0.16297855523237748,0.0,0.0,0.11552653196501453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872599724474601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793808166131418,0.1310502440898079,0.1004715302473232,0.0,0.17888873286644175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885786549297144,0.0,0.0,0.10645796114287846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437655276036847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089837331957164,0.22334304922666914,0.0,0.0,0.07264372646413639,0.0,0.0,0.13170627123744502
suicidewatch,Carter_peepetouchr,2019/03/13,I hate my life Honestly I’ve come to the realization that my destiny on this planet is to be the one that takes the fall the one that puts other in front of himself my girlfriend makes me feel like I’m not trying hard enough for everything I do she has another problem she wants me to fix it’s gotten so bad all I do is mope and hope that I have a good day today I’ve completely cut myself off with my mother is just so stressful and I want away out ,1.967242268041236,3.399284319587629,3.7366881443298974,89.86833118556703,76.93814432989691,6.911855670103092,22.434278350515466,7.6454224807358475,0.7899288659793813,357,10,80,5,8,120,70,97,0.18600000000000005,0.684,0.129,-0.8506,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,1,5,0,8,1,0,1,1,14,18,4,0,4,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,0,2,1,2,15,4,11,16,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,56,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309203996396989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069044125590421,0.0,0.18387492207707484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897004643889915,0.2308970083898288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420240065792357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754664910230915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791998893762466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135010361956986,0.15732557193453744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847105103171636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972743157117651,0.21742215513521027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187286500576835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554825454544888,0.10758861440145703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469988963432568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984542254861694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072128073160296,0.0,0.22138243165516933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522618430838339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557841209635324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087432879182228,0.0,0.0,0.1495152664434783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597835177446933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JuliusCtzar,2019/03/13,"A sense of peace I’ve been fighting this for too long. I’m 30 now and I’ve been depressed as long as I can remember. I’ve tried therapy, drugs, been in a relationship, had friends, and have a supporting family. None of it helps. Nobody really understands. Every waking moment is agony. And while my younger naive self believed there was hope, I managed to not kill myself at age 20. I said I would give it until I was 30. I haven’t been impulsive or emotional about this. It’s a rational decision based on this being the outcome with the best expected value. I could keep on living and suffering and then die, or take matters into my own hands now. 

I’ve finally written my will, and have planned the date. March 15. I finally feel a sense of peace now that I’ve decided. I feel sorry for my family, but I hope they will understand that this was ultimately a good thing for me.",2.41655899353961,4.709216687861276,4.134892893573618,83.54287657259435,78.65317919075144,8.463651819109144,25.20537232233934,9.168548406835145,2.330263107786468,689,26,136,19,17,231,108,173,0.085,0.755,0.159,0.9114,0,0,1,0,2,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,6,10,2,0,9,0,18,3,2,0,0,26,31,14,2,5,4,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,10,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,10,4,17,6,17,16,3,19,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,4,14,91,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783580515184685,0.15633261540516702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189387426752012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128305829835815,0.0,0.15460515620183402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275546423499272,0.0,0.0,0.16756883154968027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255118766238166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808673475496425,0.0,0.15064528757731882,0.0,0.0,0.3263740953582795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509222628708896,0.0,0.0,0.14290357916065674,0.0,0.12494720274509034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985004003230756,0.0,0.0,0.29591746498875643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324095098994587,0.1648109045894487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154138066442614,0.2636637989803045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543264819481412,0.0,0.0,0.15993576974743934,0.16875158568603227,0.0,0.14170258162321778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540600336599178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675736247549655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690470021035735,0.0,0.0,0.11200531789387164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703577708218849,0.0,0.09896765024176944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011394223193999,0.0,0.0,0.3101616650397625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582251863986987,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cyfer04,2019/03/13,"Not really into suicide but any suggestions on how to play with your own life? I'm just curious. Just wanna play with my life. As in if I die, fine. If I live, fine. With a very equal 50/50 chance. Repercussions are fine, i.e. dead liver, heart problems, coma, etc. But awake and stay in at the hospital is a no-no. Very costly. Maybe a month max? Just wanna play a bet against me. I'll win either way.

  


I'm thinking more on the pharmacological side, if possible. Thank youuuu! ",0.20612903225806534,2.56711283870968,2.3075698924731185,89.56135483870968,98.03225806451613,5.9208602150537635,16.952688172043008,7.3011,0.5836830107526882,366,10,75,8,15,122,67,93,0.14300000000000002,0.5760000000000001,0.281,0.924,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,6,0,2,5,2,1,0,21,6,8,3,6,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,14,6,5,10,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,4,1,43,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962087179141254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436072211563455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26178013102372283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27814994624893924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33158605003292274,0.0,0.0,0.2072662451755264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23581254979553365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873550475200358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264616875542368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245998752601086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037067847840654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501853409940508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567507674485251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610300370192764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040213518624262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38734498460353617,0.0,0.18631357253437145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SergeiBobgodsky,2019/03/13,"Money really is everything Having a harder and harder time getting through the day. The past year has been nothing short of failure in so many ways, but mostly financially. Seems everyday my car has something else come up that's 300 dollars to fix. I'm falling behind on bills. I'm trying to support my disabled mom, my disabled grandma, and my 5 siblings on a barely above minimum wage job. I'm falling behind on my student loans. My school is threatening to send my information to my state's Attorney General. I don't even know what theyre going to do but it can't possibly be good. My teeth are basically rotting out of my face. They bleed when I brush. There's no way I can fucking afford to get them fixed. I broke my glasses and haven't had a pair in almost a year and a half.

Is this what the rest of adult life has in store for me? Every fucking waking moment I stress and think and worry about money. Never getting a break. Just constantly sinking deeper and deeper. My life is eroding away in front of me. How God damn easy it would be to just do it and not have to worry about anything anymore. Sweet release",2.7571536306830424,5.013561647058829,4.105235940530061,84.37414781297136,77.32579185520363,6.381469510881276,26.36091359620772,7.447530270364453,1.5479293686705455,888,35,165,12,21,292,140,221,0.14300000000000002,0.789,0.068,-0.9549,3,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,0,9,8,3,1,9,0,21,8,3,1,1,25,35,13,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,4,0,7,7,6,5,0,1,2,2,21,3,28,30,2,32,0,1,0,2,6,11,3,3,10,109,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777384445905496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625744378201648,0.0,0.0,0.1296586719354784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480330542157042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572421574927213,0.0,0.17026667063879175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161333538440638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316213825435076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040670681193058,0.0,0.13275131759856726,0.0,0.1416050053761628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29132384960555435,0.2469562040074595,0.0,0.0895451287796371,0.13215407370873938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635424967210132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659100031581038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257894757767746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974137722568804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845326764446749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152018856782812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118332234472887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040909991837742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762552334051931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093713942110022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594593985007542,0.0,0.14343694642867655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129758861466397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804847496093224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879751995580315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095825490808684,0.0,0.0,0.09187465676924278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697307645474677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501280068327374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200201916790565,0.0,0.11192629063420416,0.0,0.0,0.20292728788007997
suicidewatch,sad_kristine,2019/03/13,"what's the best way to die peacefully  i am out of options, people around me can't help and our suicide prevention is shit. everytime i try they just keep pestering me  
 ",5.945454545454545,6.2817861212121215,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,66.57575757575758,11.44848484848485,34.68181818181819,11.20814326018867,4.011072727272728,134,6,26,4,2,44,31,33,0.318,0.513,0.16899999999999998,-0.7689,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,1,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141096006100447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702922924640028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662006009965351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365066312641219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31362758716493083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446204319467522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621934850246171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859585315232861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23956068573453745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28007438331275897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qwertzzz_z,2019/03/13,"i am struggling with suicidal thoughts i deal with bad health anxiety and go to the doctor a lot because im always fucking scared im dying or have some awful disease. i always feel like shit and it's gotten progressively worse over the past few years. i actually have been dealing with on and off infections and influenza, pretty sure from all the stress and anxiety ive been feeling its compromised my immune system. i'm now fighting a sinus infection and i just have this bad feeling that something is seriously wrong and it's just being overlooked. i trust my doctor so much and would never ever assume he is wrong and i definetly do have a sinus infection, but i have so many symptoms and pains that are making my life living hell and make my anxiety so hard to deal with. i havent slept at all tonight because i keep getting these insane head rushes and am losing my breath when i try to fall asleep and i am debating between going to the ER or fucking dying cause i cant deal with this anymore.",6.1629999999999985,6.68182444102564,6.7833974358974345,75.37201923076924,66.12820512820512,9.371794871794874,32.66025641025641,9.2995712137729,2.978410256410257,806,32,142,14,12,265,117,195,0.252,0.691,0.057,-0.9883,0,0,1,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,8,18,5,3,7,1,19,19,5,3,5,40,34,20,3,1,5,0,4,1,0,1,12,0,0,0,8,18,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,15,1,0,5,4,19,3,15,27,6,16,1,1,0,2,6,4,4,5,8,98,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.10620405331957614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111340810003654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497678890776104,0.0,0.10793181594694123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173986992065946,0.13268560495397547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180014895233767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44880287178809664,0.0,0.0,0.2259002728302953,0.0,0.0,0.22278774094805032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844451569310514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650857532844251,0.07774939794832691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012263310824738,0.05686007849770468,0.0,0.12370314174435833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749183866714288,0.0,0.1116927361136207,0.11568302236667673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23511385262844856,0.0,0.0,0.096734627571427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687105785862917,0.05316967796747373,0.0,0.09610039700673033,0.0,0.0,0.12175484945496498,0.0,0.0925248310520023,0.0,0.0,0.14529202785307305,0.11033827578726936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000383184054316,0.0,0.08393772679807472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580461648698882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389218520547533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110720978448299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895953116918763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171419006654043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837839701731537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466636023585778,0.1137745369631851,0.0,0.11904423058704297,0.0,0.10257260210665388,0.11311782135929732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640022398567201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388958963963674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090881392162744,0.07731092681387572,0.23798078828702166,0.0,0.07008405537671247
suicidewatch,davegh1978,2019/03/13,"40 M Nothing Going Right I tried to take my life 3 weeks ago tonight, I took 200mg of Amitriptyline to put me out of it whilst the roughly 100 sevredol 10mg tablets hopefully just killed me as I slept. It didn't work, and apart from being out of it for a few days I'm still here, struggling, and wanting to die. I have a Stanley knife and note under my mattress and last night really wanted to do it. Literally the only thing stopping me at this time is the thought of my 5 year old son finding me. I love my boy with all my heart, I love my daughter...but I'm beginning to despise my wife.
I feel like I can't do anything right at the moment and they would all be better off without me, of that I'm quite sure.
My wife may be going to her parents this weekend or next to visit and taking our son, if I can make it until then I can do it without the risk of my boy finding me first.
I do want to die, I don't see what alternative there is. If I leave I lose my kids, if we split I lose my kids, so I have nothing to live for.
I'm really struggling to find a reason to live. ",1.1326824034334777,2.554436463519316,3.032469957081545,94.07119420600858,79.21459227467811,5.690042918454938,23.23798283261803,6.2581,0.3233950214592274,828,27,196,6,20,278,132,233,0.122,0.7829999999999999,0.095,-0.7425,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,2,0,1,6,5,13,2,3,8,0,18,5,2,2,3,34,39,14,3,8,7,5,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,11,10,0,1,6,1,0,5,5,7,0,1,4,3,37,6,31,30,3,33,0,2,1,2,16,9,0,6,20,125,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364932944794114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962215141730204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341302708211812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754086776064159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427049336426751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059122146090172176,0.08353315484476014,0.0,0.0,0.32060933165099176,0.0994586211719609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290538533793442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855985862532386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161355650552242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293631488258763,0.0,0.0,0.09531166178047183,0.0,0.12380952548556536,0.0,0.0,0.08258947527096015,0.057124956075606366,0.0,0.2064985596194928,0.0,0.0,0.2616243202135537,0.0,0.0,0.21106358486354104,0.0,0.07805013145198972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435390956508463,0.10972870269579887,0.0,0.22439051667838555,0.0,0.12269592623831978,0.0,0.0,0.08892876629164656,0.0,0.0,0.12983434634740607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754460966495366,0.0,0.12436697596161325,0.0,0.0,0.1498137262461649,0.12022112484097172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997111922394452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931762188126664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337859281253552,0.09775677251479133,0.0,0.24447638861083015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020295051415853,0.0,0.17583012051402966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768155207366621,0.0,0.0,0.09282751351481568,0.06818146797664454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129910949969853,0.0793862164294274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069009177628809,0.0,0.0937923284345557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22542821349782555,0.0,0.08512474047218724,0.0,0.0,0.08306206596001517,0.0,0.0,0.07529758949159357
suicidewatch,daqqu,2019/03/13,"My mother told me thst I'm a useless f*ck This is an updated story I wrote on r/advice, basically I'm a really bad student and when I tty to study it doesn't go well, once I got an F and she called me  useless f*ck and told me that I'll end up on the streets. I have a test today and she just came to check what did I study and I didn't know the answer to any of the questions.
I guess I know why my mom calls me a useless f*ck because I feel like I am. I've had suicidal thoughts earlier but now I really feel like no one would miss me if I just killed myself.",1.7211461067366542,2.1958087086614206,4.036167979002627,91.25867891513563,76.08661417322834,7.534208223972003,23.559930008748907,7.793537801064563,0.8175273840769903,434,12,109,6,9,152,79,127,0.196,0.763,0.041,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,20,23,8,2,2,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,1,2,3,6,1,1,9,2,22,3,7,13,0,11,0,4,0,0,10,4,0,3,7,64,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344247922063286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070019483998058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819785164706406,0.10819707094131087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624769973220041,0.2030028040226048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720464137574572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948990488415972,0.2535996916433336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087241647366328,0.0,0.14195603545043378,0.0,0.19552671702897784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963678656290496,0.0,0.1950891928074109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734266025608092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787570742273528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890224800284288,0.12027272270847987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883091699320413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741098938842136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941467134501564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090829471916755,0.0,0.0,0.16824103290310574,0.3392011553270439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958602681436354,0.0,0.16015832362617302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608475253846718,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ObsessivelyObsessing,2019/03/13,"I just feel like I can’t do this shit anymore. Fuck. Where do I even begin?


Before my sophomore year of college started my parents were having issues. My Dad felt like an inadequate man and he kept telling my mom how he wanted a divorce, and didn’t want to be with her, etc. So, she left 14hrs up north to stay with my Aunt.

My dad had one job. One fucking job. Keep the house running for two fucking months before me and my sister went to college, and the youngest went to go stay with Mom up north.

He couldn’t even handle that shit. My mom paid the bills for the first month and my Dad went and got an I-phone X max or whatever. He moved us out of the house 1 month early and all of our shit got left. Every fucking thing. Because apparently it was such a good idea to move without a car, license, secured house or job. Before that he got in a crash and couldn’t drive for awhile. Probably looking at his damn phone.

So now he’s in Texas, has been for almost a year and can’t get a fucking job. Fuck, guys. I don’t think I can do this anymore. My mom has a job. She’s taking care of herself and sending money for shit I need for college but I feel like shit for asking for it. I cannot fucking work. Due to all of this shit I wasn’t able to renew my ID.

And it’s really hard to find a job here in my shite little college town. It’s hard as fuck. My sister finally got a job after being on my parents ass for 2 fucking years about getting her birth certificate and social security card and all of that shit.

I have OCD. I don’t have the resources to get my fucking medication. My knee is fucked up. My fucking teeth are going to fall out soon because my parents decided not to get me braces because they couldn’t afford them. So they say. I’ve seen their spending habits they could have. So now I’m fucking 20, and at that point where if I even get hit in the mouth wrong I’m losing something. Fuck.

Finally got a doctor to see that there’s a possibility that I could have Endometriosis after a fucking year of trying to get someone to see my side of the story. I’m fucking failing in college right now. My freshman year I had a fucking 3.9. Now, it’s horrible. I have an A, C, D, D, D, F. I can bring it up but I have no motivation.

I hate school but don’t wanna leave because I feel it’s all I have and it is. I fucking hate my life. I’m in pain constantly. I used to never be like this. I worked two jobs at one point, bought all my own shit, now shitty decisions my parents made left us financially fucked.

I own two pairs of shoes out of the multiples I used to have. All my clothes and personal items were thrown away. I have the flu. Sometimes I fucking hate them. I don’t want to do this anymore.",1.0905148914689562,3.07714576855124,2.7994888944977308,92.99356448763253,81.59717314487631,5.4562847046946,22.47463402322059,6.5431188927421005,0.4046846037354871,2099,70,467,20,56,693,238,566,0.208,0.754,0.038,-0.9988,14,0,1,0,1,0,69.0,3,0,6,6,21,44,32,0,27,0,44,38,13,5,7,65,114,28,0,11,9,14,6,4,0,0,5,1,0,3,20,22,0,4,10,0,5,13,16,36,0,7,22,11,69,8,63,83,10,72,0,2,4,21,45,31,30,4,30,285,89,20,0.03721996974695696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0372704232880866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073662605429233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0347956473868138,0.0,0.03496938678374786,0.0,0.0,0.09075579237790284,0.0,0.09501435862306397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794823973797221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040221564659964085,0.0,0.059434234452884975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038096216181168825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151010492252708,0.07375031696391042,0.0,0.03135942979594336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056458605117065776,0.053179907648255316,0.035737007827769986,0.08154531512008607,0.03401837805211326,0.03165928725293123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6881852455291896,0.11667538797111232,0.0,0.04230593308347011,0.031218344734243637,0.14884104957792788,0.0,0.0,0.036853621764795085,0.0,0.0,0.06668356429233073,0.11024104335294801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288405435175782,0.0,0.04201681541402602,0.0,0.03884797836409865,0.29548061470646103,0.03308281926540346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039410573822650785,0.1213188181026913,0.0,0.02628956535755117,0.07273518866028916,0.03730418772334598,0.0,0.0,0.03125540049852661,0.04163962564729802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035218435315789866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749520378064453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436631490237706,0.08912587425839008,0.07911787501119429,0.0,0.027598135954844377,0.028706335207205006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566364428277864,0.0,0.039604672013747816,0.0,0.165313486870172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03249904194188441,0.0,0.0,0.07036980393655537,0.04195992348647568,0.0,0.0,0.04012942256359035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02384406569169526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03178565079744163,0.0,0.0295988138429778,0.0,0.03766859646326951,0.059318994005193526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056461126393123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037941071935707726,0.03153635958322955,0.02865375111440572,0.03681150179190255,0.0,0.026344486157029084,0.0793430709514019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027984785167324028,0.0,0.03253189409541414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02472729404826161,0.02384905373734138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02526991627520327,0.0,0.10907550650894536,0.0,0.089542081663175,0.06429220706954956,0.0,0.0,0.06585990747875763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350985453904812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03587872263834874,0.0,0.05419316252696977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04069419402956017,0.0,0.11984220106198852
suicidewatch,FroggyRibbits,2019/03/13,"Soembody online wants to kill themself Somebody online wants to kill themself and I don't know how to get him to stop.  He was raped and he's telling me he wants his next summer to be his last.

Please I'm so scared somebody help me",1.4250000000000007,3.656616500000002,1.9206666666666656,98.39100000000002,81.91666666666666,3.84,22.1,3.1291,-0.37362999999999946,184,6,40,0,5,56,32,48,0.315,0.6,0.085,-0.9444,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,9,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,5,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712357453939428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592019600226505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5807422136096337,0.0,0.14424016032276413,0.21393845908817305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791272683422572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881002838437322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627664398081809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942680346312585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940003110191534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644139311312343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1981rko,2019/03/13,"I ruined my life in 10 days I have had an incredible, happy life until I made the dumb fucking mistake of taking an audiologist’s advice to ask an ENT for Klonopin to help me sleep from temporary tinnitus. It was keeping me up for a solid week and I have two young adorable children and a full time job and was exhausted. I didn’t  have any physical or mental health issues prior to this. 

I started getting interdose withdrawal  after 4-5 days so I cut the dose in half and that made things worse. I ran to my doctor and she wanted me off faster to reduce dependency so I foolishly listened and basically nearly died. Thought I was going to have a heart attack or stroke. I came crawling back in tears with super high BP and they just thought it would go away after a few weeks. 

10 months later and my life has been ruined. I haven’t slept a full restorative 7-8 hours since last May.  I am severely depressed, crying all the time, and having to call the suicide hotline weekly. I can’t exercise anymore since my body can’t handle it. I did a half mile jog a few days ago and it gave me severe insomnia and my body is on fire.  

I can’t keep living like this. I had to go on Zoloft and now my libido is gone and my junk is numb. It’s made me even more depressed. 

I am ready to give up. I have everything - a beautiful caring wife, two adorable children, a house and a great job. And I fucking ruined it by taking this poison and not slowly tapering it. I don’t know where I would have found another doctor to prescribe the pills let alone believe that I got addicted in 10 days, but I can’t do this anymore. 

I am suffering so much. All my hard earned muscle from 15 years of weightlifting is fading away because I can’t exercise without extreme setbacks. I am gaining fat from lack of exercise, sleep, and Zoloft. 

I am losing my mind from the lack of sleep and all of these horrific symptoms and I can’t stand the suffering any longer. 

It would devastate my parents, kids and wife if I left this earth. But I have been holding on without any sort of signs of improvement and the setbacks from exercise have taken me to my knees. 

I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I am ready to give up. All I read is that CTing from benzos can result in permanent damage and I am devastated given my extremely short use. This wasn’t how my life was supposed to go. ",3.61629708097928,5.025937150423734,4.798333333333336,84.01323917137478,72.62288135593221,7.786817325800378,27.09416195856873,8.344100000000001,1.8042328625235404,1853,66,369,30,36,611,229,472,0.173,0.754,0.073,-0.9925,3,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,1,4,10,25,6,0,21,0,50,33,9,8,4,64,86,33,2,8,9,3,4,1,0,4,23,1,0,3,19,24,1,3,5,7,0,9,14,18,0,4,25,5,57,7,51,56,13,58,0,9,0,2,15,23,3,6,26,253,76,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674639328922126,0.0,0.07775788446089571,0.07053672666158388,0.0,0.0,0.08241370402259549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233725175542205,0.08343930350214891,0.0,0.0,0.15783020988020433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439008021545462,0.09052585629741294,0.149523039994599,0.06118678017994924,0.0,0.04850700577543954,0.0,0.0,0.08965160242163459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677548779595828,0.0,0.0,0.08125300273655175,0.09101039521204997,0.08113004959387111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740728250634598,0.20527219263514165,0.0,0.13707233965257154,0.0,0.08258428518039622,0.0,0.0,0.1628928208242746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052557263210451566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151514570334801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724776563964055,0.0,0.1471280446341382,0.04157364556670348,0.1526674817920854,0.2261160512896249,0.0,0.06364185436394831,0.08772959217327876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847070141964292,0.07128184226051762,0.0,0.0,0.08458245392945411,0.0,0.09429447277834087,0.05333615245365438,0.08407331883449026,0.0,0.0,0.07836344658758346,0.09181664074941696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305361284379224,0.15792799014321082,0.1414564041041172,0.0,0.0,0.0874625580887307,0.06486267369483706,0.0,0.0,0.08645637494038451,0.0813688567814968,0.22481925443569087,0.03887538331141677,0.0,0.07026447992221077,0.0,0.0,0.08902191293092199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258818925608422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019094021903335,0.0,0.08034611841523663,0.0,0.0635144664469988,0.0,0.11699072659743705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835647898901389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959460503692496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978984229159725,0.0,0.131647333950783,0.0,0.23889161446273766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056322229521126935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704002491636433,0.0,0.0,0.08270688920450482,0.11965809345443687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528648128690487,0.0,0.0,0.12634426064005952,0.092799395725365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546265674245854,0.0,0.0,0.06872558495556069,0.0,0.0,0.046934259198789456,0.0,0.19148615439132016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341120258083002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810917579086237,0.16957928065065025,0.0,0.0,0.051242449097678985
suicidewatch,revengefizz,2019/03/13,"Someone talk me through this Today is my birthday and literally nobody has said happy birthday to me yet. Now laying in bed thinking about my life. I kinda hate it. I've never been invited to many things in my life like partys, get together, etc. I have friends but I dont think I have a ""best friend"" and I don't believe ive experienced a true best friend. Im now 21 and I didn't finish highschool due to me going through so much anxiety due to school I just had to drop out hoping to get a GED in the future and I just haven't gotten the motivation to do it.. Im also type one diabetic and I go through so much stress with my insulin and getting my supplies on time. And I feel like my future won't be great due to my lack of motivation and me dealing with health problems. Why not just end it? I think about it here and there but tonight its just bad. I literally feel like I'm nothing to nobody and I see no point anymore. 
",1.3256239826370049,3.3357596958762876,3.354991861096039,89.19502712967989,80.90721649484536,5.939880629408574,24.128052088985356,7.0608816371341465,0.8886432989690722,727,27,157,9,19,246,109,194,0.202,0.667,0.131,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,14,16,1,1,5,0,14,5,0,2,2,33,30,15,0,3,7,0,2,3,3,1,5,1,1,0,7,13,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,5,5,25,12,22,23,6,23,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,17,106,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511161179048177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005503709446465,0.0,0.13035203408579912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974596096063308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480865892984808,0.27587395657937264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355076969840987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404536931732848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164158200912402,0.0,0.14658907728812673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291887753647466,0.18779990093917967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046480200730234,0.0,0.2060141439878385,0.0,0.14939947046854088,0.0,0.0,0.14491181121769267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399191144739662,0.0,0.12976866600353254,0.0,0.13971336572435994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305484490165576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839530555747647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856783130402512,0.1926431686692152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325837761741138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932453766959633,0.0,0.10137375461231836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261191346184848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906637568828331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425221096475668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257692413272728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502845854844102,0.0,0.0,0.13302314722150574,0.1047397568990759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113677226535605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056277425004802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564557980342204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873221406000288,0.2526621497158329,0.0,0.0,0.07664305841014751,0.0,0.12458867401757386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860313045601854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fajitas233,2019/03/13,I need to end this suffering. Holy fuck! I'm so goddamn miserable! I've started cutting hoping it'll get me out of my fucking head. Just broke up with my shitty girlfriend. About to lose my apartment and drop out of college. I have so much on my mind. I can't escape this pain. Suicide is inevitable. ,0.4293333333333321,2.8885179333333366,1.9566666666666668,92.90833333333332,94.66666666666666,4.0,25.0,5.82211442006289,0.7555000000000001,236,11,46,2,9,76,48,60,0.467,0.499,0.035,-0.9868,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,3,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,8,11,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,8,1,10,10,1,8,0,4,0,2,1,5,2,1,2,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484667617683847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5186918633534947,0.14656561051303266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879052314186429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786300895841035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138418784281083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832558400245998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622219959764132,0.2080098150388802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298504236435908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856093548434225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068548407781133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WastesWanderer4,2019/03/13,"My life feels like a complete dead end. Every day, I feel like dying. I am stuck at a dead end, near minimum wage job. I can't go back to school. I want to do so much with my life, but I have no way to do any of it. I never do anything with anyone because I'm so antisocial. I go to work, come home, play video games or watch Netflix all night, go to bed, then wake up and do it again. I hate it, but I can't do much of anything else because I don't have any friends.

My girlfriend is about to graduate from college and she's working multiple jobs while I'm still here making $7.85 an hour. I constantly think of what my life is eventually going to be like, and that I have no control over it. It makes me want to end it.",2.2663636363636357,2.799308560509555,4.031140706427331,91.58257672264044,74.85987261146497,7.237753329473076,25.10075275043428,7.348242739294969,0.8435019108280253,552,17,135,6,11,187,94,157,0.133,0.787,0.08,-0.8842,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,1,0,3,0,15,4,1,3,2,19,31,10,3,2,3,0,2,3,2,0,3,0,2,0,8,6,0,1,3,4,1,5,6,1,0,0,1,3,18,5,19,29,3,23,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,16,83,26,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828213799838502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939900835139152,0.0,0.22123357634264884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033612261046534,0.0,0.16388323022945814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579153634033384,0.14093755344226108,0.14526103003785482,0.1507642525120178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669023542977533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395074711909639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229125190235832,0.0,0.3571705436882217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325524285465716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593429632651527,0.19206035935227736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385310449859043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30557754122054165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271261859384975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483492874598685,0.0,0.13237731904274005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667836197531293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848359611594085,0.1970135022241214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945373094096598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762937203791608,0.0,0.10367353572799223,0.0,0.0,0.1261447272653578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360409314902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073485499542972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861313611392823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585696309834655,0.10669690015528238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957197507413809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whateverr1,2019/03/13,"It can get better I have had Suicidal Tendencies since I was young. There was one time in particular it was going to happen. I felt comfortable about it and had a counselor catch it because I never even mentioned it.  6 months later my life was better than it ever was. 
  I hope everybody on here reaches out and asks for help. It's not a video game where you get it do over. That is a decision that others have to live with for the rest of their lives.",3.392417582417582,4.796517912087914,4.521758241758246,85.7982417582418,73.17582417582419,7.837362637362638,23.98901098901099,8.418075326091056,1.3765120879120878,354,10,73,6,7,116,66,91,0.048,0.784,0.168,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,2,6,4,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,0,2,10,19,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,1,8,4,12,11,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,58,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212766033749445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484118946597466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202828482625423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693519723149996,0.2149264157831906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813709565448506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482765603877809,0.0,0.1350358254548101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011242731697846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926094879345004,0.0,0.0,0.2359943782867442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678267278445718,0.0,0.0,0.4196173598616181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189653241246608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325484810082096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100661566759875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654847928286714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25990020489818705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854879974256412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,melodyblue10,2019/03/13,"How I want to kill myself.   


My partner has gone to work and I'm home all alone all day as my work have suspended me on a ridiculous allegation. This is all because I am pregnant and they have made my life a misery since day one. I absolutely cannot become a mother and inflict myself on this baby. I am a waste of human tissue. Ideally I would like a way so that my organs could be used to help someone else - would this be possible?  


I really don't want to do this at home so that my partner is the one to find me, but I realise this would be a horrible thing for a stranger to stumble upon also. What can I do? I don't want to inflict any suffering on any innocent people. Anyone who is unfortunate enough to know me will be happy that I am gone. Perhaps drowning at sea would be the best way to do this to avoid someone finding me? Please don't attempt to dissuade me. I have made my decision. I am just looking for an idea how to approach this. I have attempted suicide before but attempts with medication were unsuccessful. Other possibilities I have considered is hanging in a wooded area?",3.6057096600107954,5.141617110091744,5.379066378845117,79.33746627091203,72.8532110091743,8.065191581219645,29.796006475984893,8.671277953709913,2.430607879114949,862,37,164,16,17,295,118,218,0.165,0.723,0.112,-0.9372,0,2,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,7,6,8,2,1,11,0,34,2,0,5,3,30,45,11,3,9,3,1,0,1,2,5,2,0,2,3,14,4,0,1,5,0,0,4,4,4,0,2,5,1,28,4,24,29,5,16,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,0,3,129,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335705854126055,0.0,0.10313460682118092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754035287246261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017650077315556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861689066009833,0.1424335648609332,0.10974114521756248,0.0,0.13534257328643484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296939928622716,0.0,0.0,0.16634567796933186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773511189073964,0.0,0.0,0.13325705465665705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357464168564114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728742821301732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644364661655486,0.0,0.2587281892245734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455876830223912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268252261366465,0.0,0.07087671415904802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109297956917327,0.0630066051347687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829952950214236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440627804261524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992036138593635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747823191201506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940925698941234,0.0,0.0,0.14156668587611218,0.0,0.29078110656399525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826193571235954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668256980048954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854609767263355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410686149868842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567973113683497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113858031768743,0.0,0.0,0.2282036665420528,0.20473549420608086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777855699467452,0.0,0.0,0.3664569148863183,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrs_booo,2019/03/13,"Would 3 beer cans, 12 xanax bars and 3 percoret pills kill me? female, 23, 16 bmi

(I also have acces to tylenol, sleeping pills,  benadryl and vitamins.)?

I want to end it tonight. I just wonder if is it enough. I am a 23yrsl girl,  who struggled with anorexia, bmi 16. 

​

So I wonder if it is enought. HONESTLY, tell me it would be so appreaciated.

thank you for your honesty everyone of you.. thank you.",0.7203846153846172,3.242093474358977,2.0732051282051285,91.77596153846157,95.02564102564102,4.651282051282052,24.448717948717945,6.42735559955562,0.9328256410256416,313,14,62,4,12,100,56,78,0.083,0.7509999999999999,0.166,0.7227,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,4,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,8,8,1,0,0,11,13,7,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,3,5,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,4,2,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702064580754352,0.0,0.2306098656124504,0.2586214455723697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885112792407144,0.21991853157495336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337581368795005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547369357258746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129916920040832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250447186843775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860297783193158,0.3919052380461622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553735679074218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616274269153607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023879929469114,0.0,0.2586214455723697,0.0
suicidewatch,snowie1985,2019/03/13,"My life is hell Ok so 1. I'm on mobile 2 l have autism. If my formatting sucks so be it. 

I'm tired of living. I'm done. I have had nothing good in my life. I literally lost everything exept 1 suitcase. I posted my battle with my mom in entitledparents. My birthday is next week and l tried to buy a laptop to find my ebay was suspended.  I never did anything that's the straw that broke the cameks back.

Now my mom is a narcissist. She gas abandoned me so many times l cant count. I am now on the verge of being homeless because she's scared the landlord is going to kick her out. I'm on the lease too. So my brother and her are kicking me out instead. My brother is her favorite.

I am just tired of the abuse and her claiming l am. I'm done. So goodbye life.

Oh and l wrote my own obituary. 
I'm through and l have had enough.",-0.6314959469417829,1.5153408983050838,1.9446376811594208,94.82730287398675,91.99435028248587,4.660181773520018,20.690002456398922,6.280692351149826,0.16504637681159418,637,23,146,7,23,218,100,177,0.202,0.769,0.029,-0.9834,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,3,1,8,1,21,5,0,0,1,14,31,11,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,7,0,0,8,0,25,2,15,21,2,17,1,3,0,0,11,8,2,1,7,92,28,1,0.0,0.19958860820420007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386220136201857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952953642702755,0.0,0.10268705025950664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447706844511956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405641146664055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139420056461098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539624879143156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573540956434552,0.1412899232434846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569488423963653,0.0,0.0,0.148746599916572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838857486731282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078434507262136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945789480276718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992091453134513,0.0,0.17915109207757535,0.0,0.0,0.16163466936978085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133088294828202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865028964225132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822597850110294,0.3872226228123215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436815632881303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512239483516109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lionsface98,2019/03/13,"I want to die with a smile on my face It doesn’t matter how I go
Jumped and stabbed multiple times
Hit by a car
Falling off a bridge
Asphyxiation 
It doesn’t matter
I just want to be smiling ",2.7499186991869915,3.689334073170734,4.418048780487805,87.72918699186995,74.12195121951221,7.417886178861789,25.861788617886177,7.793537801064563,1.1442130081300812,151,5,35,2,3,51,31,41,0.197,0.562,0.241,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,8,7,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864637379919999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32114793842347805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295026431579223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6665975501145679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,australiancrackhead,2019/03/13,"18M just gonna go for it Hey everyone first time ever posting on reddit I’m 18 and Australian the loneliness and dread I feel everyday is mounting beyond belief. Any chance I get to harm myself i utilise. I was molested for 12 years and my family is addicted to drugs. So there’s no support left I’ve been hospitalised twice involuntarily. And my family resents me and ridicules me for it.  

I have no one who’s gonna care for when I pass my body will probably be found due to smell. I take Xanax so often that I’ve forgotten months of my life. One time I broke my humerus and left a permanent scar on my forehead from smacking it against the ground out on Xanax. I have absolutely 0 memory of this and felt no pain so this is  this is gonna be my method. 

I didn’t come for help or support but even the worst human in history deserves a little send off ",1.6251682539682548,3.868957348571428,3.4405238095238104,87.71208730158733,81.22857142857143,7.317460317460316,24.007936507936506,8.344100000000001,1.5899269841269843,676,25,143,15,18,226,112,175,0.163,0.782,0.055,-0.9388,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,3,1,5,0,12,8,2,0,1,18,26,13,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,8,0,4,5,3,20,3,19,15,1,25,1,1,0,0,5,11,0,2,9,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835251404957066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448301885692605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186997666437744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164291431110065,0.0,0.0,0.14501766302709104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523126640540897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111928548153998,0.15228121012854418,0.0,0.16086457985043018,0.0,0.0,0.3174087036659872,0.0,0.08512225764309474,0.0,0.1616413360585782,0.0,0.0,0.14319748074290442,0.0,0.18458586968066046,0.0,0.0,0.08795534723973375,0.0,0.09567655439668676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284071304176778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658231254590987,0.0,0.11890980043079488,0.0,0.16872981569251666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437447870981034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281551309848897,0.0,0.17913508957762822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123170171317094,0.0,0.18150857815794827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820806531227911,0.0,0.0,0.12657741480649326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633118441744468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841116631374882
suicidewatch,Rabittibi,2019/03/13,"2 weeks I'm gonna be gone in2 weeks. I wanna leave little sister Jazzmyns my car. I wanna leave my little brother Gabe my PS4 xbox1 and all the games etc. Idk I've been alone all my life, my family trusted the man who molested me over me... My boyfriend thinks I'm a waste of time...  so there's really nothing else to say. Countdown from now, someone has already been born who will do this human thing far far better than me. Thanks for everything else. I just wanted to... Idk I'm a pathetic human, I wanted someone to know I was leaving. I'll write an unofficial will or something.
I just wanted someone to know Im leaving. That was all this was. I hate making people worry. I won't get help. I don't want help. I just Want to stop feeling like I'm wasting everyone's time. ",0.4074528301886815,2.776583125786164,2.4274811320754743,91.81858018867923,88.81132075471697,4.941006289308176,20.528616352201254,6.508806274219699,0.3668186163522016,603,20,125,7,20,201,97,159,0.21,0.7020000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9397,0,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,3,22,31,3,0,7,4,2,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,6,2,19,4,12,20,4,14,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,8,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885754096675486,0.1372962423579004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003591562156434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078673467086379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875682142704054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888489987663885,0.1118171537913894,0.0,0.11728841112938047,0.0,0.06290851029220969,0.08888287517976047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500226874016099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283512488509188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667869568857513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439072049211084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367516518719486,0.0,0.0,0.5269546742368332,0.0,0.0,0.08787875946159288,0.060783414082150135,0.24939520264137155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304870209324157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938058799833527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625444711297216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970412918618483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894066359329877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162520323653321,0.09578157978682388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401741710289868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454561420399825,0.0,0.0,0.08265651775711483,0.07972080284577397,0.0,0.0,0.14509603807023158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669191488950768,0.0,0.19959815564395986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635057247542275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaimierosie1,2019/03/13,"I don’t see how it can change. Does the pain of being alive end? Or does anyone else constantly think that it’s just a matter of time until the suicidal thoughts win? I was passively suicidal for a loooong while, but I keep getting right back to this low.  But now it’s just a matter of time until it just eventually gets me. Like addiction, cancer or diabetes. Some just give up? ",2.7043428571428585,4.87872252,4.0072380952380975,85.41600000000003,77.13333333333333,8.019047619047619,24.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,1.8357619047619047,299,10,60,7,7,98,54,75,0.224,0.66,0.116,-0.9012,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,15,11,8,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,8,8,1,12,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,10,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279313479290101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619570536071394,0.2142302569359732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077193244626564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211821062253452,0.0,0.0,0.2259444608820246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659399104498695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746620299073617,0.0,0.18518549197387255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847449128513985,0.20057147963361754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584259032616454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214739983350052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224790691810857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785557522171903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661209271538407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574057652590999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397195347285246,0.0,0.1659885589408202,0.24383597464574144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eRevvy,2019/03/13,"I'm 18M never thought I'd actually be considering suicide I've always been depressed even as a little kid but was hopeful it'd get better ya know but now I'm a few months into 18 and it's not what I hoped

Just worse and worse stuff happened all last year, ups and downs it's also the year I did self harming with knives, started scratching myself with my nails and hitting my head with my knuckles or against stuff, I'll bite my lip really hard to bleed. Long story short I was continuously rejected last year and any positive action I pursue always fails or can't proceed because circumstances, we're very poor and I've been isolated my whole life never had friends that didn't just pity me or really wanted to be my friend. Most of them used or lied to me, My gf left me too around the end of the year and she said she knew we'd lead up to it, she stopped loving me and just kinda stayed until opportunity to leave me arrived, it was sudden and surprised me

Around a day or too later my best friend left me to without any reason why, just said I'd always be there friend, they're online and I've seen them around they just have me blocked

So I'm extremely lonely, I'm self taught and that's really really stressful trying to manage working and getting into a school 

I've always been scared of dying, nobody knows what happens and it could be hell or maybe nothing at all.
We have a gun in the bathroom drawer named Belly, it's 9mm and compact, my mom and dads first gun. I used to just think about how easy slitting my wrist would be, I cut everywhere else but now I'm having uncontrollable thoughts and I feel like at this stage of isolation I'm going a little crazy. I have an imaginary friend at 18 and I can't always control what they say I feel like I've made a problem to cope with a bigger problem, I don't want to use Belly to kill myself but another part of me knows death would bring me mental peace the fastest and easiest way. I feel cursed as a person and so alone I've really tried reaching out to people, I just want it to be over now, next 10 years is just more struggling and depression.",4.123426140757928,5.072539691415315,4.9888700696055714,84.88345978344934,70.87935034802784,7.695622583139985,25.96759474091261,7.908726449838941,1.3722110750193348,1681,50,343,21,30,547,224,431,0.238,0.626,0.136,-0.9944,0,5,0,2,0,2,24.0,2,1,4,8,23,30,3,4,15,0,28,6,3,8,4,88,66,37,4,10,20,2,5,2,6,2,2,3,0,4,16,31,0,3,11,0,1,4,8,16,0,1,17,9,45,14,42,37,8,53,1,6,1,1,27,20,1,10,28,205,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.07377040418386024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829424674744798,0.0,0.06045377677813577,0.3145079895974503,0.0,0.0,0.10281520527829413,0.0792685815339805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018883428445333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04608237821856537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933292195725197,0.06685816805225886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478689730939007,0.06035693809567998,0.0,0.0,0.048752910365972235,0.0,0.13022076498425594,0.0,0.07845630138893885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315042647811472,0.0,0.06695526670514572,0.0,0.0,0.04993018312878483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467022551524662,0.10801102843864156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430158168835526,0.0,0.0,0.2920248785660063,0.0,0.07899116543282672,0.0,0.04296272354989572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369788496961205,0.0,0.06771881221389459,0.0,0.07758289848608133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016698271757398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363533481233303,0.0,0.12463610000379198,0.12324101286772478,0.0,0.08004482892480484,0.16426968870654002,0.0,0.05339541035414234,0.07386438674206866,0.15153330869685838,0.0,0.06689973021063436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822798357557659,0.07153038782275951,0.0,0.0,0.07594594441918752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618258801591378,0.0,0.0,0.08853665712542683,0.06033968946075309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660797942496312,0.0,0.08039678189727292,0.0,0.0,0.07253602034830511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186267181361634,0.0,0.05240847306771183,0.06600716508631703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466956621138854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421423965751309,0.07772487079085942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381746022633626,0.060116658059838075,0.07568438682700712,0.07650678656211234,0.0,0.0,0.15772540240269248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053506957220179015,0.08057485497741533,0.0,0.06320130944286531,0.08659450835700605,0.07902893830567792,0.17307775975297576,0.0826893205265649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048438610282979334,0.0,0.12002893007896585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026489050524937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587098906141026,0.0,0.06237428986976753,0.1337647366126588,0.060004271343931825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821327398221412,0.08439979159279927,0.0,0.07287146410379214,0.0,0.05503449966100582,0.0,0.1540767564855811,0.10740189551385408,0.0,0.0,0.2434054506576509
suicidewatch,St_Elmo_of_Sesame,2019/03/13,"Life isn't worth living Every day is a struggle. Every day is filled with pain: emotional, mental, social, physical. My life has always been difficult. I fe like I want made to live in this world. There's so much wrong with me that will never go away.

But the worst part is that life isn't worth continuing. I have no future. There's no path that ends with me living a content or peaceful life. It's just different flavors of suffering. The only reason I don't kill myself is because of my family, and even that is waning. When  things haven't improved by May I will kill myself. My family can process and get over the pain of my death, but my demons are just insurmountable.",3.0527272727272714,5.207024575757579,4.075757575757578,85.43363636363638,75.96969696969697,7.127272727272729,21.60606060606061,8.07648339933343,1.1075333333333337,532,14,103,9,12,172,84,132,0.183,0.735,0.08199999999999999,-0.8606,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,5,0,17,6,0,2,1,15,21,7,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,7,9,0,0,2,1,14,1,11,16,3,13,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,8,72,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909608081863172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447586021129074,0.0,0.0,0.08725105278974933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461472347716815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954095753661714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610026002131386,0.1267711809953607,0.0,0.0,0.09453637621107748,0.0,0.24118731755999626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269861482307066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477980316483276,0.0,0.08134438814473274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167054867779959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40438935208102544,0.06992635532337041,0.0,0.3791606850762091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354335840566592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424192642814415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521742064970424,0.0,0.11039110134744044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088572304886912,0.3046019863242205,0.0,0.0,0.15499643412592362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716204038526828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590356752449554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963112440339707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508957530198724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442210483902521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649078382677234,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BasuraConBocaGrande,2019/03/13,"It isn’t that I want to die per se I just don’t want to really be alive anymore. Like I wouldn’t be sad if someone told me tonight was my last night on earth. My cousin passed recently and I can’t get it out of my head. He was a junkie and alcoholic but underneath all of that he was smart and funny and we used to be really close when we were kids. Anyways he died alone in his shitty room in the Tenderloin in SF and it’s really partially my fault because I was going with him to appointments and NA/AA meetings and seeing him every week and bringing groceries or getting coffee with him and then I moved down to SD .. he told me, like he straight up told me, that he didn’t think he was going to do well without my support but I left anyways and he was dead 6 weeks later. I tried so hard to not think about him at all but I dream about him almost nightly and I can’t stop going through pics of him. I have a voicemail saved that he left one time where he isn’t sobbing or drunk or high and I listen to it on repeat during the day. I feel numb and like I’m just going through the motions of daily life. Almost nightly I think about just walking off my balcony, just like it casually crosses my mind and it’s such an easy thought. ",2.6056923076923084,3.8143889538461546,3.8215384615384624,90.81846153846158,74.84615384615384,6.7384615384615385,24.92307692307693,7.1686216300943375,0.8852153846153854,968,31,215,10,20,316,140,260,0.157,0.7040000000000001,0.139,-0.8535,0,1,1,0,0,2,15.0,2,0,0,0,14,13,0,0,6,0,19,5,1,1,2,49,41,24,3,4,13,1,2,4,0,1,3,1,1,1,10,20,2,1,5,3,0,10,9,4,1,1,12,4,33,9,31,25,2,43,0,2,1,0,26,18,1,6,19,136,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724208202900766,0.238448687576478,0.12331330659416917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807845122119268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257966798230471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678575161096549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471370847624665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031566881049613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020180393669875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441095234837805,0.0,0.2706648685601671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665701503791712,0.0,0.12219293428211302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579654154343556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705219371836574,0.0,0.0,0.2587244826933413,0.0,0.08409768126336115,0.2326725691121587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202196364220334,0.0,0.0,0.12654507110393776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351975333834614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068013492014323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882431975850864,0.0,0.1175602972627427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948777544030244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088164944406007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954195579172673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351112224005376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22887218853083355,0.0,0.09452268123059794,0.06942656244220083,0.0,0.0,0.3413092473576079,0.0,0.08083592617682671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283215915359337,0.0,0.0,0.14045282305874104,0.0,0.1910102301960309,0.0,0.10705188911337964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477243307522868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway123abc91011,2019/03/13,"I hate the hell I created myself I regret the decisions I have made and hate myself, I'm nothing but a big failure whose parents invested a ton of money on. I wish that  I would get hit by a car or trip and hit the back of my head so hard on the ground that I would die instantly. But those things doesn't happen despite how much I want them to. I don't my death to be ruled as a suicide and have my parents breaking their hearts over it.

I'm tired of drinking excessively hoping that one of my organ fails, I'm tired of cutting myself, I'm tired of not being strong enough to end it all.

​",4.05142857142857,4.300081563492069,5.162023809523814,86.10589285714286,70.66666666666667,7.887301587301588,27.654761904761905,7.6454224807358475,1.4231619047619044,471,15,102,5,8,156,78,126,0.293,0.595,0.112,-0.9773,2,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,2,3,8,4,0,8,0,8,6,2,2,1,17,22,9,3,6,4,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,1,1,2,2,3,6,0,1,1,1,18,2,14,15,4,10,1,2,0,0,5,5,1,2,2,71,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567457500296376,0.18579863427812174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757597675938918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869323351391112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497905612508516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354301386392388,0.15799371443712068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988755039206358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521507708232308,0.0,0.13697455895441138,0.3019278378851518,0.1569266051059801,0.0,0.0,0.1811954266480289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187106473667625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446842170372586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124041738348563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671830575136272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361368066732686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395700603823593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672553436641973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158455782442978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272320046417387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018845823471462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583540233231865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724136599459515,0.0,0.18579863427812174,0.0
suicidewatch,Tempered_Realist,2019/03/13,"Felt like killing myself Do you know the feeling of unwanted or no validation? 

I've been there, so many times. 

I feel like I don't belong in my family nor the society. 

I've been bullied by my so called 'friends' in high school (too weak mentally and physically), being told I wasn't good enough by my family (never felt my emotions validated, either) and I'm an all-round TRASH. 

Nobody likes me. I fee like I'm a liability to those around me. 

Society and family feels fake to live in. 

I was never being given the choice to think for myself to begin with. 

Beginning to FUCKING HATE my family to the core. 

Part of me wants to MASSACRE them in the most brutal way one could or couldn't imagine. ",2.1309593326381666,4.480489233576645,4.246866527632953,82.04410583941608,80.02189781021897,7.70990615224192,22.19447340980188,8.634040054169528,1.676645881126174,543,17,106,13,14,186,86,137,0.213,0.698,0.08900000000000001,-0.9681,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,1,0,5,12,4,0,7,0,10,2,0,0,2,23,26,8,1,4,3,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,8,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,8,5,17,6,18,14,4,12,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,3,9,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180718220642046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118855744226808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821600729753595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655059375742698,0.0,0.15298833493191605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5583212948238264,0.0,0.2245948294267556,0.10577601290737712,0.28432679697481583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439286439910362,0.13688156793207634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418795675229564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618124952694372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643635762217098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380942543562005,0.0,0.08137138039390412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893437989941174,0.0,0.1307420649217608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011232487753426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921236339984315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22839014339660504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033110834779664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033746100859486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498473435514623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487259107839063,0.0,0.0,0.08633654325811525,0.0,0.0,0.14148024215475738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733120874183238,0.1175252688900944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chooseyourusername20,2019/03/13,"I wish I can say goodbye I can't just go up to people be like, ""Hey I'm killing myself tonight i'll miss ya"". 

But I wish i could just say goodbye to the people that means most to me and tell them sorry and it's not your fault. I would hate to be lying there dead only for my mum and sister to think that they weren't good enough relatives. :(",0.5063428571428581,2.134792053333335,2.119238095238096,98.95200000000001,81.8,4.819047619047621,17.38095238095238,5.288315135182226,-0.7949047619047622,264,5,65,1,7,86,54,75,0.275,0.608,0.117,-0.9306,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,2,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,15,4,2,4,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,2,13,2,7,10,2,3,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,1,2,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803076791039928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334379355352375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834496274459964,0.18941633004331884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229613605912594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498485441258077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103296204389085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459961658633147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717546533965299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31312556409814263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591797540516251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527993177426548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738624969926852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470338745980765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193890145239008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604238644509589,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bridgetspinnerdinner,2019/03/13,"passively suicidal, but actively looking for ways to ""accidentally"" die. i just want to end it :) i don't want it to be a suicide, but i want it to be a subtle goodbye",1.829901960784316,3.5515265000000014,5.488823529411764,75.89637254901962,78.11764705882355,9.239215686274509,31.92156862745098,9.725611199111238,3.4661098039215688,127,7,26,4,3,48,22,34,0.334,0.426,0.24,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113152085887456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656790143228222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189415937829623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6562237223030372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5307795058289547,0.23809741115689986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsJasonhelpme,2019/03/13,"I've been suicidal since I was 13 Since I was 13 I started having suicidal thoughts, now I'm 27 years old and it almost feels normal to have them. I had them when my parents got a divorce, and all through out high school and  when I graduated high school because I thought there was nothing for me in life. Then I almost killed myself when I found out that my ex wife cheated on me. Has anyone else had suicidal thoughts half there life? Writing this scares me.",3.9617582417582433,5.507269131868135,4.1327472527472535,88.58725274725279,71.96703296703296,6.958241758241758,29.48351648351648,7.447530270364453,1.6279406593406591,365,15,74,4,7,113,60,91,0.243,0.757,0.0,-0.977,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,3,2,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,1,15,17,7,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,11,1,16,0,7,6,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,8,48,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958987256161326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330959311955618,0.15138639417174524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006646872282692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342539884221652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747063749677718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199924174866295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181684376081512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122100331768936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346246782817753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208719091440745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447627297661777,0.14176922851058418,0.0,0.15503780695981315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405787007683068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792260561358647,0.29905991684276434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24443913402144654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457756034351913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848405435323597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518888009268235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514556433977987
suicidewatch,depressedpineapple2,2019/03/13,"My younger sister is the main cause of my suicidal-ness I’m only fourteen years old and I’ve come very close to killing myself multiple times. I would say 9/10 times I wanted to kill myself were because of my sister and she’s only nine fucking years old. Half the time I do self harm is because of her. She fucking gropes me and touches my area (through my pants tho) and i can’t do anything about it because she’s younger than me. I hate it and I’m too embarrassed to tell any family. And she also really likes talking about my breasts and my period which is ESPECIALLY uncomfortable because I’m not sure what my gender identity is. I think I’m genderqueer but I don’t know. I just want to fucking die. And whenever I push her back when she touches me, I get in trouble with my parents because she’s younger and I’m not supposed to use self defense even if she was fucking murdering me. And the thing with me is I’ve never hated someone so much that I wanted them to die. What I do is it hate someone so much that I want myself to die.",2.351882876204596,4.25121103286385,3.795250803063997,87.81969607116385,77.16901408450704,6.549938225846306,27.642451198418584,7.475848149327749,1.5507615023474184,822,35,168,11,19,271,107,213,0.211,0.74,0.049,-0.9912,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,12,16,11,1,3,0,14,5,1,2,2,31,35,17,6,6,5,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,9,14,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,14,0,2,2,3,40,2,17,32,3,16,0,0,0,5,18,3,4,1,12,112,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574867964059738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291743022066463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823795043478068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245025819927823,0.0,0.3268202002864557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015074946625196,0.0,0.09236579739181153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338513131252077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082183290581434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108323152240156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965152352440616,0.056021215713247315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175907469872579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372596027466259,0.0,0.05892866462311695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238526005446826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764705360392206,0.0,0.08269938458886203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22503152545487576,0.0,0.0,0.16310057349874252,0.0,0.0,0.11906190331960922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869179031619027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527050463620936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372043108982828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170466629620866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105933760042042,0.0,0.0,0.08618428376938964,0.09372034436933377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123626145861378,0.06870616025586589,0.0,0.0,0.1875732171832928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260892970372857,0.0,0.08847276853324476,0.2529789459717408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617035048950985,0.0,0.0,0.1381001957102986
suicidewatch,stateofgrace_13,2019/03/13,"Feeling lost right now I’m going through a hard time right now. For days I have not eaten, slept, or had much motivation to even get out of bed. I just lay there hating myself and the world around me.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t want to die, but I want to feel better. And it feels like the only way to feel better is to die. I don’t believe I’d ever do it but I’m really hurting. I feel very unwanted and alone ",-0.269677419354835,1.6288586451612943,2.2477526881720458,95.51162903225807,86.20430107526882,5.0103225806451634,16.82688172043011,6.2581,-0.4621905376344091,326,7,78,3,10,112,60,93,0.232,0.599,0.16899999999999998,-0.826,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,7,6,1,0,3,0,6,3,1,1,1,21,23,6,2,3,5,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,7,8,3,11,19,1,13,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,6,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889062649588168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516625900246402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183723271255934,0.0,0.2884431068131068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516621485313672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33848039784761064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770574160928932,0.14750552719672874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947164582900928,0.11649674796865755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519698427282454,0.0,0.0926760470627782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460780720868793,0.16099718372629362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456906951700665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966742813710445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800941548958354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987470617648913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240215587821948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446637590295506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785206002583797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950870262923692,0.18742418389826448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345492591214454,0.19236500856775854,0.2588736567680396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaNoobyOne,2019/03/13,"went to therapy for the first time this morning, yet tonight has been the worst night yet idk what to expect out of posting here right now, but i just need someone to tell about how i'm feeling. today has been such an emotional rollercoaster that i know is going to continue for several weeks ahead, and at this rate, i dont see myself being able to cope with this for much longer. my family is a mess and i wish there was just an easy way out of my shitty situation, but there's not. i've always been too afraid to kill myself, but tonight has been on an entirely different level. i'm genuinely fearing for my own life, yet the other option is becoming increasingly more welcoming at this point, and i know that is a contradiction, but i dont know how else to describe it.",7.003284313725492,6.209983078431375,7.370710784313728,76.28194852941178,64.62091503267973,11.310130718954248,32.85049019607843,10.686352973137794,3.2660333333333336,613,21,122,14,8,201,97,153,0.154,0.754,0.091,-0.9129,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,14,6,1,2,8,0,15,1,0,2,0,23,26,9,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,6,2,11,1,21,19,5,26,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,1,13,90,20,0,0.17018087119639524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416041177407508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795140180441536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780278924818307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989014272023647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421642807521555,0.1914305743768995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043137965428786,0.1915007931944532,0.08604856183994311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475576210271546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671771092062714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827991958504967,0.0,0.2805808685857949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020378217229515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510252159135662,0.126186959638138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970321924943987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087593059934738,0.0,0.16298623226836506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145333534149239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561212095185712,0.0,0.0,0.1922559443928088,0.0,0.0,0.1912904295237393,0.0,0.0,0.14419369990690492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874558245118086,0.0,0.19461665762306776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992338345529316,0.0,0.16131156716721184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508165428817082,0.136508829721841,0.0,0.0,0.1577593725682484,0.0,0.0,0.19569960319375976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inkblackboy,2019/03/13,"No plans after graduation Im about to be a junior in highschool. Terrifying. Every day I have panic attacks and manic episodes. My psychiatrist doesn't believe I'm Bipolar but my therapist does. My mom agrees with my psychiatrist... to make matters worse due to my recent manic depressive episodes and getting myself stuck in a mental hospital for attempting suicide, numerous accounts of deep self harm, and overdosing, I am severely off the track of graduating with my class. I'm failing, I'm becoming an alcoholic, I'm mostly a loner, and I honestly don't want to live. Life is lackluster for me. I don't have plans for college or uni because I didn't plan on being alive. I'm completely stuck in the mortal realm and it sucks ass. What should I do?? I want to end my life but I've failed so many suicide attempts already I fear I'll just be stuck in a hospital for a few weeks again. I can't take it anymore. Maybe I'll try something more effective?? I didn't want to be alive. I didn't want to make it to 16.",2.504200000000001,4.877469020000003,4.3580000000000005,81.62900000000002,78.8,7.8000000000000025,28.5,8.697196308434329,2.549500000000001,804,37,152,19,20,272,115,200,0.322,0.598,0.081,-0.9951,0,0,2,0,0,4,26.0,0,0,0,8,4,9,2,2,8,0,17,5,1,3,0,21,34,9,3,5,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,1,0,1,0,8,8,0,0,6,0,20,1,24,23,3,14,0,3,0,1,2,7,2,2,7,88,24,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621827666238682,0.0,0.0,0.16746833140427647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050280215745576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726462259766992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925100498695743,0.16760439236086289,0.0,0.17097889425102353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911500010323507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787112435585983,0.0,0.1307086344981033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280413500410967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134412226568382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278623584585873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076953814571433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792871042677937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639242948715504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143818208009956,0.0,0.0,0.13400477802640706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259880861984425,0.15385842946782002,0.15246094878802202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293600914255992,0.0,0.0,0.17773671591148238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805489462596238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984236308589632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583163174952346,0.1714429391234451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683044685484772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319964577050372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410286015193476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620231883340154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303347713983303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580423561225014,0.0,0.12173082636132895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546540019985443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeetsandcrossaints,2019/03/13,I deserve death I’m a fucking disappointment. My parents are embarrassed by me. I’m a pathetic piece of shit. I can’t even talk to people. The most basic of social interactions I somehow manage to fuck up. There’s no way out of this hole I’ve dug myself into.,0.6625067385444723,3.1452025283018905,3.615687331536392,82.62547169811323,89.75471698113206,6.047439353099732,22.66576819407009,7.447530270364453,1.402829649595688,206,8,39,4,7,73,43,53,0.39,0.61,0.0,-0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,1,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,0,9,6,2,4,0,1,0,2,4,3,3,2,0,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093346343059936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6184779511564807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714216024036405,0.0,0.0,0.23189951933670505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433584611704793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409796502892601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688576604869769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655097710026557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plskillmenow_,2019/03/13,"I really really really want to fucking kill myself Fuck this whole existence, man. I feel like I'm only alive out of obligation at this point, but I can't even justify to myself why that even matters anymore. Fuck this fucking shit, I really want to dive headfirst out of my fucking window and just end this fuckhell",8.509,7.611201233333332,8.92666666666667,66.68500000000004,61.66666666666666,12.666666666666664,36.66666666666667,11.855464076750405,4.599166666666667,254,10,42,7,3,85,40,60,0.227,0.644,0.128,-0.8978,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,7,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,9,10,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,1,7,1,8,10,1,5,0,0,0,5,1,4,6,0,2,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749122867762194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065350550352335,0.0,0.0,0.2097775315696483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029624349356551,0.11344984891060195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7340602454990677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569346825425206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758377673926492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077785303743255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012142701103026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069364945918319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301036816571274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873338229456016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329621222662287,0.17729936919781816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antoniofelicemunro,2019/03/14,"I...really don’t know what to say Idk if I’m the only one but I get these moments where I just stare into nowhere and feel the pain cuz it takes too much energy to move or do anything. 

I’m just so exhausted. 

I lost the girl I love...she said we were gonna work it out but she barely texts me and she’s just busy all the time. I haven’t seen her in days. She probably just doesn’t want to let me down. She’s probably with someone else already I mean she still uses tinder.

I don’t think anyone really likes me. I have no problem getting people to like me but once they get to know me...well....I’m just way too fucking lonely. 

I’m a dreamer, but I can’t even think about my goals anymore....I have assignments to do but I just can’t... I just sit alone listening to music for days on end. I hit the gym every day, and then I just.... don’t have the energy to do anything else...I miss her so much. I just want my girl back...this is fucking killing me.

I never thought I’d say this but I’m tired of the grind. I’ve kinda given up. I can’t live like this....",-1.0409175412293872,0.9714107043478286,1.4578860569715175,98.73630434782608,91.95652173913044,4.737631184407796,16.19190404797601,6.311591054244273,-0.5211484257871066,802,19,197,9,29,272,125,230,0.168,0.75,0.083,-0.9697,0,3,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,1,3,17,12,3,0,8,0,17,5,0,2,2,39,45,15,1,4,17,0,1,3,0,1,3,4,0,2,6,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,10,9,0,1,6,7,32,3,18,36,3,19,0,3,2,2,15,7,2,3,12,116,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776590368108302,0.14678800137380496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300885431800493,0.0,0.2189239620077396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228216489960663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735564358833035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111118963819482,0.0,0.11781392895440294,0.0,0.0,0.08785673386561088,0.0,0.1120728909859896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725759086053776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594487368624424,0.2084882939824058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716403770072115,0.0,0.1462057614841533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601929702038515,0.0,0.19495673843433048,0.0,0.11745679541973612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520419811020036,0.0,0.12005339094642707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489493686668356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137643826546478,0.1955661787459949,0.0,0.10259121410111023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165918282035028,0.09013602832795012,0.1011657217221718,0.14153988506853554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221751217568694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868304959347033,0.12727968115302074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514029149747519,0.08521434835762931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265300018602276,0.2115615404185547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127052058237187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062278622453838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001252566555144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046434944871505,0.0,0.10560095222284803,0.07756351182600754,0.1528839261370347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488431966142422,0.0,0.0,0.15691421005299402,0.10558301548116153,0.0,0.0,0.11959861147028228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968382466708112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EPM101,2019/03/14,"I just can’t do it anymore I’m always on edge. I’m never satisfied. I fantasize about my death. I’ve been thinking about cutting myself. I take my pills everyday, I see my therapist, my psychiatrist, but it just doesn’t help. I get myself more than I ever have. My grades have plummeted, my motivation’s at an all-time low, and yet I always feel I should be doing something more. I just don’t know if I can keep going. My family, while great, I feel are detached from my feelings. I usually use this app just for humor, but I found this sub and decided to vent.",1.375,3.6241743070175474,3.744824561403508,85.13460526315791,82.2456140350877,7.308771929824562,22.657894736842106,8.344100000000001,1.5644526315789469,437,15,89,10,12,151,75,114,0.092,0.797,0.111,0.7256,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,0,1,0,12,1,0,2,2,22,26,6,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,4,23,2,8,22,2,10,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,6,63,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38773499465743455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310648478131423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075404723893634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196435425946616,0.0,0.3534223354264306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554630283373752,0.0,0.0,0.12172838258530007,0.0,0.13241437369690515,0.0,0.0,0.25687382510121337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616921448683882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070934487847485,0.0,0.0,0.12804597224739184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969731999981145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566396878732774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936815152593805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518052579823656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705209564335395,0.0,0.1492914720809115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122974987715014,0.2566070944088026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Im-worthless-trash,2019/03/14,"Got the key to the gun safe in hand. I've had it for a few days. 
Its my fiance's hand gun he has for CC. It's a sig 38 I think he said. It's normally on him all day and in the safe at night. Idk why the fuck I'm typing this. Been wasting time researching best place to aim it. I was going to grab it tonight and thought about leaving a note. I don't want anyone to think he did this just because it's his gun. I also have two small kids, 5 and 2. 
I don't want the three of them to think It's their fault or that I didn't love them. I don't know what to write. I can't even write a fucking note. Do I really need to research how to write a fucking suicide note?! Do I have to leave a note?! I'm so fucking pathetic. I don't want to sit and waste fucking time explaining why I'm a worthless piece of shit. NOBODY. GIVES. A. FUCK. I just want them to be able to move on and be happy.",-1.1383853459972857,0.5895435671641813,1.3582564450474912,101.5974118046133,88.45273631840796,4.6495703301673466,17.09656264133876,5.852544927426893,-0.745708457711443,671,16,179,5,22,228,106,201,0.239,0.6659999999999999,0.095,-0.9761,0,0,0,3,0,1,25.0,0,0,4,1,7,14,7,0,13,0,17,10,3,1,1,27,42,9,1,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,8,4,19,5,22,32,4,16,0,1,0,7,17,7,7,1,6,101,31,3,0.12062489288198007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096463683257146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434372977153758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353181510107752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658838311514714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555861537209388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967160410808864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6690946184745724,0.0,0.1157143887117306,0.06855390642657659,0.0,0.09647474613139316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840744148363673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629228651445784,0.0,0.0,0.2554486894048746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886867533623656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282051713523419,0.0,0.08944182963952034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131982906153974,0.11818678393456312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602733936194385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772753951571062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474189595328955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381971911706405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194405460053954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187468221721955,0.0,0.09576269101700724,0.14067469015835027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783299286323723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845907484200028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769040764821293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tempaaccount7,2019/03/14,"Feeling weak Just a lot of bad things going on I feel sick and disgusted at myself even though I haven't really done anything. I've always been a loner and when I finally have people they pushed me out of their way. I just want to move away and star over but that's not even possible for me, not for another few years and I just can't do it. ",3.2260273972602747,3.8395181780821934,4.6519452054794534,87.71463013698633,72.69863013698631,8.579726027397259,22.819178082191787,8.841846274778883,1.2250241095890413,269,6,61,5,5,90,55,73,0.151,0.8140000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,8,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,10,7,0,1,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,2,10,0,10,8,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067287921759629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26051958392211344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044516865901844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334252476421932,0.0,0.20744385627243334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254248751991274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281953652290304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512457341137172,0.0,0.0,0.2721628419405574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119882867566655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211221761771503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640611012372003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224268850756058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28008799786646793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916226879527146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650579340275804,0.0,0.2440990797162278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654117621974574,0.19720660445235205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999248504913033
suicidewatch,belkiopas,2019/03/14,"Stuck Between my survival instincts, and years of suicidal ideation and looking for a way out of this prison. 

I'm tired and I feel like im going insane. Too weak to do it yet there's nothing else keeping alive other than those instincts.

Whoever says suicide is the easy way out has obviously never tried it",4.267966101694917,6.407105288135598,4.612000000000002,83.01393220338984,72.38983050847456,6.753898305084746,32.13898305084746,7.554174236665415,2.2811803389830514,248,12,44,3,5,78,50,59,0.341,0.5870000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9646,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,9,9,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,8,8,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066698161388348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509218462178698,0.17674163606889165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406023470001055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26723298232887793,0.0,0.0,0.21989927629859973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086647769893928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775254656837586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190809080889026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373856650678717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674132640123454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412279100218842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843483400066091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796743519541876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927470459916159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593166112727374
suicidewatch,throwawayacount98765,2019/03/14,I'm just so sleepy. Im a 17 year old boy who's bisexual and homeschooled. Everything sucks. I'm behind in school. (I'm starting to get better at doing school but it's so hard) I have friends but feel so alone. I can't tell anyone about my sexuality because the only social interactions I have are at a southern Baptist church. The only friend outside of that I have is hard line Christian. My dad is the pastor at my church. So I can't even be myself. I don't want to be bisexual. I hate it. All I hear is about my desires being sinful and how God is so loving yet doesn't want me to sleep with a man or outside of marriage. I don't believe in God and I can't tell my parents cause it would crush them. They would be devastated. I can't trust my friends to not rat me out to my parents. I just don't want to live here (bible belt). I don't feel like I can be myself. I'm expected to be some masculine man who wears the pants in the relationship. I just want to be the submissive one. Life suck. I can't find a significant other because any I do find my parents won't approve of. (Probably will be female because I'm not romantically attracted to men. At least I don't think so yet)  I find myself not even uttering bisexual because I'm afraid someone will hear me say it. I hate life. Why couldn't I be born somewhere better ? Far away from this shithole. Can't trust anyone. Can't be myself. I barely have the motivation to get up and do school. I don't want to have to work in the future. I'll most likely have to go to a Christian university so that's not a option to make friends I can trust. The years I should be spending discovering my sexuality and life and everything else in more detail are spent wasted away in a religious shithole. I don't want to live but I'm afraid of death. But maybe I should just end it cause I'll die anyways. I hate this place. I hate life. Maybe it isn't cut out for me. I'm afraid of death but maybe I should just end it. Make it look like a accident so no one will be disappointed in me. I know they'd be sad but they'd feel better eventually. My grandmother died and my dad got better eventually. Maybe if I make it look like a accident they can still have a somewhat perfect image of what they wanted me to be. I mean after all if I'm useless the most I can do is let them have positive thoughts about me. I can't say least give them that. ,0.7679296296296307,2.935613990000004,3.0071111111111115,89.99485185185186,84.1,6.023703703703704,21.459259259259266,7.315561048560121,0.6767681481481489,1865,61,413,29,54,635,191,500,0.234,0.6629999999999999,0.103,-0.9969,3,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,8,8,24,32,7,3,20,0,67,7,2,7,3,68,111,25,4,17,18,5,5,4,4,9,4,4,0,4,18,10,0,0,11,0,2,1,24,14,0,2,3,11,65,18,47,81,9,31,6,3,2,1,35,18,2,8,16,268,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420311628708964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872138726843892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019237922126834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346265849339381,0.0,0.0,0.17469769296167656,0.0,0.0,0.08071992830212525,0.0,0.2534584404254584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719929943809634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871340608709904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985061015594473,0.0,0.12691327007413794,0.0,0.0,0.0946423355190314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878068607276189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867833119362616,0.051183549471864036,0.0,0.0,0.1964480285486208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141249885554748,0.0,0.07486361869182721,0.06872887852224993,0.04071778073127589,0.0,0.05730144004690441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836056559149406,0.2829403382248076,0.0,0.0,0.1614993393821728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738941924364899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937448538197631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326236350509803,0.2024213021161451,0.14000946191042926,0.0,0.12652855338452434,0.0,0.12032832762783065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466284828849411,0.0,0.1434717546062729,0.0,0.2879100817431905,0.07804293778392549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517988542736277,0.0,0.09709767094706304,0.10897924105510652,0.0,0.0,0.2386615003983573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485428384422968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724595155923512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692043932627123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139507321194267,0.0,0.21752717022742213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169722745434427,0.0730335503882944,0.06070498773961969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071104370649928,0.0,0.057216177620918185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524262523052335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045907534473215786,0.0,0.05687851295890248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958085471507181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464890731949377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052158767058839116,0.0,0.0,0.1017897952064803,0.0,0.0,0.09227468791325896
suicidewatch,throwawaynoway14,2019/03/14,"First time with intrusive and suicidal thoughts. My family has a history of schizophrenia and I’m so terrified. I know mental illness usually arises every 7 years and I’m right in the age range. Just within the last few days I’ve had visions of driving into oncoming traffic and just bleeding. It’s so scary because it’s the first time. My gram had severe schizophrenia and I know it’s genetic. My live in boyfriend is currently out of town for work and he’s my rock. We had a fight about something stupid and I decided to drink heavily. I keep having visions of cutting myself or drowning in the bathtub I’m in right now. I don’t want to die but the thoughts are so powerful. I’ve never had thoughts like this. I know I should call a hot line or something, but I feel like that’s accepting I have a real problem and I’m so not ready for that. I have no idea what to do and I can’t stop the thoughts. So many people would miss me. ",0.8477543859649117,3.331381100000001,2.5269736842105286,91.04589912280704,88.0,5.903508771929825,24.758771929824558,7.333567415737692,1.3582456140350874,739,32,151,13,24,242,110,190,0.197,0.738,0.065,-0.9638,2,0,3,0,1,2,15.0,1,0,0,4,9,8,3,0,10,0,15,3,0,0,1,39,30,18,3,4,7,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,7,13,1,2,11,2,0,1,5,5,0,2,8,3,18,3,18,20,1,24,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,2,15,95,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132886875688258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298294966675696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662149230258532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548948491148187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676654257886174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622979417991234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412369427767831,0.0,0.07575348308293194,0.10703142309389807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25487359558669004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691285203946523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316688134754698,0.0,0.0,0.2470114273535942,0.12212327927475745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638894829990007,0.0,0.13229378648507295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189394375873194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098330102377364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555040408718804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386630950008896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335748648831748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052793612588146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25589088731164705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925393196279095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067747909891884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525621112681945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387874050571402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757613138027918,0.17472246941309116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500554070927415,0.0,0.08836770544880969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907072922325353,0.0,0.0,0.10642781469635017,0.0,0.0,0.09647915458003252
suicidewatch,baby_ghostgirl,2019/03/14,"It's like a movie constantly playing in my head (and how to approach this issue with my therapist) The thought of dying, the different ways it could happen. The imagery of it is always going through my head. I don't do it right now for many reasons. Even though theres many reason why I should, and I know that's how it's going to end. But some days I can deal with the thoughts constantly going through my head, some days are harder than others. It has stopped me from going to work,events, and taking care of myself. All I want to do is just lay in my bed and think about these thoughts. I'm seeing a therapist and I want to talk about this but I don't want to be sent to the hospital. Does anyone know the way to approach a therapist with having thoughts of suicide but no intention to go through with it. 
(I'm a 21 year old female from the U.S if that matters) ",3.44599739243807,4.5821575197740145,4.186666666666672,89.29674054758803,72.67231638418079,7.254063450673621,26.60973489787049,7.61054688173877,1.2826222511951322,679,23,145,8,13,217,97,177,0.063,0.884,0.054000000000000006,-0.7579,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,11,0,13,3,3,5,1,36,35,12,2,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,9,0,1,9,1,0,8,3,0,0,0,5,1,14,3,28,27,3,22,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,3,10,99,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291397897214293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807855734629675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384960775512748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133975074750594,0.0,0.08915517987671505,0.0,0.0,0.14402899253442164,0.11512140660763193,0.0,0.0,0.11589033313294035,0.11666584902311647,0.0,0.0,0.09771853493528404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989017838732604,0.0,0.0,0.07375348383424292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173081228882525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874472893825673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438006046091284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654893953899766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273600203018087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455373395543175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22642096670519854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717332278665607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961982681323226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536104706087632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889823117824663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933566925295352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214306222331214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395796053810843,0.08975185926358079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38895398358041294,0.0,0.07155023347790103,0.1097100046933382,0.3545972075202333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758820659453885,0.17726848888719096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007600269951274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129323440701801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190840828258975
suicidewatch,KroolKremling,2019/03/14,trapped My anxiety has become unbearable without being intoxicated and I dread after waking moment sober. I'm not sure what to do. I lost a good job because I couldn't handle it anymore. I don't have health insurance until about 1.5 months when I reach the end of my 90 day probationary period with my new job. I need mental health now. I need something other than alcohol to make me feel OK as the hangovers are getting worse and I feel my health declining. Should I just financially ruin myself for the sake of my health? I don't really see any other options.,4.195,6.2329685000000055,5.58814814814815,76.37166666666668,72.33333333333334,8.503703703703705,26.814814814814817,9.150863307647796,2.452603703703703,450,16,79,10,9,151,78,108,0.17600000000000002,0.76,0.063,-0.9068,2,1,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,4,1,9,7,1,1,1,15,18,5,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,3,17,3,12,14,0,10,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,52,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671121297884955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633706074882153,0.0,0.11962273290766864,0.0,0.15507716591121215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953217890060912,0.17269853975476854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084580733434982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849753533647288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813088740056386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169694681360529,0.0,0.0,0.13115585868000346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6648566076748568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31034648117178665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069648501880394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437828600986307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758432749170256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481315786679102,0.0,0.0,0.23189296229115325,0.0,0.151023260428102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001747189621606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460676024009623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038137716157292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473770110813104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073523968144872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935453681234388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheNextSaint,2019/03/14,"I feel like a theme park attraction ""Step right up and watch a once happy, promising young lad get torn apart piece by piece by the person he loves. Don't worry, he won't hurt you! He won't even hurt himself! He always says he'll end it soon but he doesn't have the stomach for it! Step right up and poke him some more! First person to get him to kill himself gets to say they did the world a favour! One less self-centred, waste of space in the world! It's easy really, just tell him again it was all his fault or that he should ""man up"". Even better, remind him that she's doing better without him and he'll never be worth anything or anyone! Or better yet, tell him it will be ok one day before going back to your happy relationships! It's that easy!""

This is what it feels like every single minute of every single day and I'm disgusted with myself that I haven't grown a pair and ended it. But I'm getting there. One day soon I'll buy enough alcohol, take enough pills, jump from high enough to actually end this fucking hell. On new year, I gave myself 3 months; that time is coming and I'm fearing it less and less. I've just had enough of everything. No amount of therapy or ""help""...helps. And I have a bit more pride than to live my life being ignored by somebody who I love, but doesn't care for me. Maybe you'll turn your head when you see me carried in a coffin? You likely won't, but it's worth a try. Whatever hell I go to, won't be worse than this. 
To anybody who reads this, and understands that there really is no hope for me, thank you. And anybody that still believes there is hope, thank you too, but I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but I wasn't made for this world. I was made to be mocked and beaten into the ground. And if the one say I have in my life is when it ends, then I will have my say soon. ",2.293020017406441,3.5281033368146235,3.3148485639686704,94.03558006962578,75.68407310704961,6.255491731940817,19.2940818102698,6.588339656340683,-0.1299433594429935,1410,25,327,11,30,452,186,383,0.14400000000000002,0.685,0.172,0.8496,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,8,1,6,18,32,7,1,13,1,34,9,2,2,2,42,64,26,2,4,15,0,2,3,0,10,4,4,0,3,27,15,1,1,3,1,3,7,14,12,0,5,8,8,38,20,33,41,17,48,2,2,2,3,42,17,3,8,27,209,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.08052693069556477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818803318324916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866266590703128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769941140050727,0.0,0.0679063506476732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345224607647355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021784424081254,0.09297099015960099,0.0,0.2189448380311807,0.09008970043328253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413392330642303,0.0,0.0,0.07108306793884883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965436048566434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29235041783045795,0.34105797198745225,0.0,0.10900643532893052,0.0,0.13905213414918938,0.0,0.07416302361422056,0.0,0.0,0.09285715128789804,0.08344847237018217,0.11790360507931308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019087220029417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628776073377183,0.17245170810011085,0.0,0.09379523672318656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568665301190306,0.0,0.0,0.08468860593441836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062189120945486,0.0871861683105862,0.0,0.16392056331861324,0.0,0.0,0.17667722910972422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129537630494076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657164025651308,0.12094428147413412,0.0,0.07286605141416763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895377531605355,0.15616350883679844,0.0,0.0,0.08290172557020017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586611589232727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364396929628212,0.07969765162428574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788035857601982,0.2236688460958878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441053351170188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254162827835328,0.0,0.10572794986382672,0.0,0.0,0.08859484340605718,0.0,0.14094205817724698,0.0,0.2624906294490755,0.0,0.0,0.06575719620603675,0.0,0.08608562396212603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237359746761882,0.0,0.0,0.0659000174858222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204424197990947,0.0,0.14425100619871356,0.1519453644288823,0.09436800818730866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811766590754108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056025186215166715,0.08975729954163482,0.0,0.08590549877664144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954565797071034,0.0,0.0,0.08380235207602514,0.0840942138556584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053139722014210335
suicidewatch,zhewhispin,2019/03/14,"I think I failed enough now Just as the title says I am failing a lot in everything and now I just want to give up. I'm not good at making and keeping friends. I failed twice in high school and now in college I am failing the courses I should like. I played an instrument but never was good enough to play a solo or a better part in the orchestra. I can't draw even though I practice. I got bullied a lot for having ADHD. I'm really stressed out and don't know what to do. I've costed a lot of money for my parents and I don't think they could take it if I were to end it. The things that bring joy to me are gaming and being a monitor/camp leader with kids in the summer. But those stress me out more and more. I recently crashed my laptop when it was fixed I spilled cola over it and now its sticky and I can't afford to get it cleaned. I recently also had to buy a new phone. The camp leader thing has taken a new level I became an instructor for the Easter break but it's just so much to do. I have to create interesting games to play, courses to prepare, craft things, make a story and so on and I can't take it anymore. Please help me I don't know how long I can live with all this spooking around my head. ",1.5981293706293729,3.0666538269230803,3.3152447552447555,92.34339160839157,78.03846153846153,6.1118881118881125,21.433566433566433,6.7829847944221076,0.31388461538461604,945,25,215,9,22,315,144,260,0.102,0.764,0.134,0.8073,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,5,15,16,0,2,18,0,22,1,1,3,2,41,39,23,0,4,9,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,15,16,0,1,4,6,3,1,8,6,0,1,6,1,29,10,30,30,10,29,0,4,0,0,10,14,0,5,14,157,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462555723656055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028901804074143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275971709985308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453559575862395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379022683482815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272536441014647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113955485292534,0.2658824776043708,0.0,0.08497939787533529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563223900191302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940319378019906,0.0,0.06722007867103913,0.12342338513599772,0.0,0.21582953788352127,0.1029019803002722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204333702853188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623877735698587,0.13593744376163236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435983641541204,0.0,0.0,0.14141747627260084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285728107166925,0.0,0.11361004799476805,0.11386096415185422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32814902406041885,0.0,0.0,0.17176447519242585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458066208127007,0.0,0.09923131919458293,0.24852325192263444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286284947535044,0.13932735918961175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412311764054888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242355133355211,0.0,0.2540744936495243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231641632528483,0.0,0.13021183276367704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947615537683351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347416725166428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564300170129865,0.1648815877621952,0.12640881020201353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588760987168185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OrsoMalleus,2019/03/14,"First time posting, not sure what I'm looking for I think I just need to vent.

I'm 35, got out of the military on medical retirement a little over a year ago. Now I'm just in school on the GI Bill.

I have very few friends, all of which I only see in school. I work out regularly, but actively avoid anyone in the gym because I'm pretty confident that trying to be friendly would come off as creepy (again). Guys seem to gravitate towards me as a role model but I know I'm the worst role model a person could have. I've made lucky mistakes to get me every step of the way. I don't like myself as a person and I don't want anyone to try to emulate me as a person because just about any person is better.

I got out of the military and immediately started self medicating with marijuana for pain, with excellent results. It's also leveled out my way of thinking, made me much less violent and reportedly much, much more pleasant to be around. It's also helped me find peace that I want to die.

On the surface I put on a really good show. I have disposable income, a decent car, I'm good with words and I like to help people. But I don't want to be anyone's friend because I know the kind of crap friend I am. I wouldn't want to be friends with me. I'm unreliable at best and at worst I'm a monster. I'm just a monster that cares about the world I'm leaving behind.

My family didn't like me much either. I was more of an obligation than a brother or a son. My parents divorced, my brothers stopped talking to each other (and me) and in June my mom moved to go live with my brother out of state. I've never been welcome in his family and my mom doesn't want to visit me, so I probably won't see her again. She's in her 70s, her health is poor. 
I don't want anything to do with my dad. He was my first bully.

As I said, I'm attending school on the GI Bill. My guidance counselor asked me what my ten year plan was and I legit came up blank. She asked me five year plan and again I had nothing. On the way home that afternoon, I realized my graduation plan is to kill myself. As my ex wife (whom I'm still on good terms with socially) pointed out, it takes drugs to make me personable and otherwise I don't get along with anyone. I don't think I have a place in the world. I can't keep friends and I'm creepy to women. (I once smiled at a girl in the gym and she reported me to the staff. I just keep my hat lower now, I learned my lesson.) 

I'm not really sure what the point of this was, and going back and rereading it makes me sound like a crazy person but I guess I am. It's just one more thing I hate about myself.

Thanks for reading.",1.9253532120833647,3.3538822944344737,3.8347252361252053,89.13641538521584,77.04308797127469,7.069690110061666,23.41928811177894,7.818819491935897,0.9988198735461712,2046,63,459,31,46,694,243,557,0.14800000000000002,0.7,0.152,0.9084,3,1,1,0,1,2,61.0,0,0,0,10,20,33,4,1,31,0,33,6,1,5,4,85,86,29,2,11,14,10,0,4,6,3,5,2,1,10,17,34,0,4,10,4,3,10,14,9,0,5,13,5,73,24,80,65,16,72,0,0,3,0,47,37,1,4,24,293,90,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056628849365218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092794941907862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046463571950054725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910986563311677,0.0,0.05622593043041589,0.060824035499702785,0.12774993319470215,0.0,0.0,0.05253796647179533,0.0,0.12495147328796764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170322555679502,0.06042820793552026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814598313840364,0.06966223443825982,0.0,0.0,0.05885622765162079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455222169333502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091091234322963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923569874467222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756704304018636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882209333411518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244811995072259,0.116234993032104,0.0,0.0,0.3167279140021632,0.0,0.07139433683125969,0.0,0.07766172684002097,0.17192415231912694,0.10929202683790484,0.0,0.07526806147146868,0.06765282545396123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745712457985185,0.0,0.07262663790411468,0.0,0.0,0.0915940659437714,0.0,0.06853588364471466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214613972852625,0.07559186184769782,0.07115032401517744,0.07509963640657448,0.0,0.0,0.07234666619418137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352123311516936,0.06847993711055449,0.06033252410822165,0.0,0.057376074674983325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930217129741056,0.0912153856405404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766117712511106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004361718404564,0.0,0.0726190199511645,0.200907936433671,0.05066237143594237,0.0526967118073352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556000333416884,0.0,0.0,0.07276425371659405,0.04629901643989207,0.05196449743854493,0.07270297557204994,0.0,0.07586720067698374,0.0,0.0,0.047368185524368486,0.357954291594032,0.07138543457318973,0.0,0.1291790558152684,0.0,0.06543678571703268,0.06951143085340276,0.07366626915502364,0.0,0.0,0.06868583499536313,0.0,0.0,0.06834382653356387,0.0,0.08754192055522739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499304157214221,0.0,0.0,0.20744666545036725,0.10889289452065457,0.06220082043616301,0.07127822740860676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964907638072662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836102500401555,0.0,0.05456470216969303,0.05712304090990707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879164253628042,0.0,0.051372150025703264,0.05491731754348253,0.0,0.06290479025981394,0.0,0.0,0.045392317717708006,0.1313403507556297,0.0,0.0,0.03984105330337173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277683728960616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056375558407980975,0.2418003231004398,0.16270041603396818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974165888815765,0.0,0.0,0.048536358861248526,0.0,0.0,0.13199783015427033
suicidewatch,amj2,2019/03/14,"Not doing good right now Navigating staying sober and another recent event of domestic abuse by my father (we don’t live together).

I am sober but I am so fucking miserable and alone right now. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning and I am trying to hang on until then.

I don’t have a plan, but I’ve been here before many times and I can’t stand this feeling of hopelessness. 

I will not go to the ER for this. I’ve been there done that. I’m not going to be kept for 3 days of observation with no actual treatment.

I feel like I am fucking dying. ",3.0625565388397256,4.581579778761069,5.074808259587023,81.04155358898727,74.22123893805309,8.916027531956734,26.714847590953788,9.444778638647367,2.397828711897738,437,16,88,11,9,151,76,113,0.184,0.77,0.046,-0.9487,0,1,0,0,1,1,11.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,2,1,3,0,15,2,0,0,0,14,23,9,1,0,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,7,4,1,0,4,2,11,2,12,17,0,17,0,2,0,2,2,3,2,0,10,60,14,0,0.0,0.24224208808526634,0.19951557734899134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175052537314246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438566028418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397352181310533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185457185333785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218880988190764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092252941274996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675406351660747,0.14606048955136844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780250034613206,0.0,0.0,0.23238947077418634,0.17148456687914554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988487883056256,0.0,0.1805347874489354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072821526985119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018716016620516,0.0,0.0,0.3492016380991577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791853912801826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338085839623616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921755630452327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388094303017983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peteyspizza,2019/03/14,"Please help Hi Reddit community

I have no idea how to start this. I am considering suicide right now. Im in 9th grade and 15 years old. I have ADHD which means I suck in school. Im pretty sure I have depression. My friends hate me and I feel like my parents are disappointed in me. Im usually in a grumpy mood, unless I am with the few people that I am friends with that I think like me. I guess im just feeling really shitty overall. I kind of just want to go to sleep and wake up somewhere else and start over. I know if I killed myself my parents and friends would be devastated, but being alive here and now is suffering. The same phone that I've had for several years is broken and unrepairable, but neither I nor my parents have enough money to get a new one, so I can't really do anything. Almost everything and everyone pisses me off, and I feel like I would rather just not be here at all. Typing this out seems really trivial now, but its how I feel. Im not fishing for compliments or trying to get attention, but I just want to see if writing this and seeing what you guys have to say will help. Thanks",2.6574727567818206,4.3355466740088096,4.144363552051939,86.62912589844656,75.65198237885463,7.598330628332947,24.28217018316717,8.371475516178862,1.435727753303965,873,28,184,16,19,290,131,227,0.152,0.703,0.145,-0.7025,4,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,0,13,18,4,0,4,0,20,3,3,2,2,50,41,22,2,7,15,3,4,3,3,3,0,1,0,1,9,13,0,0,10,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,1,7,29,10,22,34,5,21,0,3,2,0,14,10,2,6,13,124,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914146107859765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926976236295892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157997033958365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853851569867015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281488868941751,0.0,0.0,0.10243334744630499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947281033411802,0.08909648669139998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005033059769144,0.14164466965991973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297752445554644,0.0,0.1035882881176419,0.0,0.05634092067156296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920879699731373,0.09815961161822903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978756630666789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289671021491126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191177650863764,0.5354161071793915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109678609144245,0.10323424225044003,0.05448221188748538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452976165159333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798749066602403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574556714698794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402590428281212,0.0,0.06717669870475014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33023432072690706,0.0,0.0,0.06872798974665707,0.0,0.0,0.10882087675232352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085632063128976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19052598759225586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466107231528619,0.0,0.07883643267762604,0.0,0.1003302965075321,0.15799612451376738,0.09024912611379284,0.0,0.1119947609239946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920697375516416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403370635298625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843801470737864,0.0,0.09343392183699877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912705380654275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352194818898338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730641517487528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918361463491573,0.0,0.11694523052282325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084585834261507,0.0,0.0,0.12767986806611126
suicidewatch,ElkSaga50,2019/03/14,wishing i could die and wake up as a kid and do everything right this time anyone relate?,6.1483333333333325,5.748203833333335,6.507777777777778,80.465,66.22222222222223,9.422222222222222,29.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,2.1073777777777782,71,2,14,1,1,23,17,18,0.197,0.7070000000000001,0.096,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30081602860455864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34349132529547843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464947989765067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38664911290134574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36740089001895226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508615740211905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947255209242402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PuppyProblems123,2019/03/14,"I'm done My life is shit. I can't get a job, I hate myself and I am about to really run of of money so I guess I should be ready to add homeless to that list. I can't keep doing this. I stopped myself from suicide so many times because I know if I died no one would take my cat, she's not adoptable, and not friendly to anyone but me. But once I lose my apartment I won't be able to care for her anyways. I started SIB again today which I managed to avoid for almost a decade but had a panic attack and starting biting myself tonight. I just want to have a normal life. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I guess I just needed to say something and I can't talk to anyone. My family just doesn't actually like me and I only have one friend left. I'm not going to blow up my last remaining friendshop with this.",0.9720974576271182,2.5858008248587585,3.0577083333333337,92.8438506355932,80.29943502824858,5.328954802259887,20.6670197740113,5.985473137389443,-0.002694632768361238,634,17,144,4,16,215,106,177,0.174,0.745,0.08,-0.9342,1,1,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,3,2,4,0,17,3,1,0,0,31,34,11,2,6,10,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,3,2,0,1,2,10,6,0,2,2,1,31,4,18,27,0,13,0,1,0,0,7,3,1,4,9,98,36,2,0.14686792883814764,0.0,0.14332191259259586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706701570303865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053869413861368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708347159601258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952932624090393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974164168484147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242572267841745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029688265718394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700488185317058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845401239766886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269395949974065,0.0,0.07673243106771373,0.0,0.08346842853146755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235831633038508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450016735664475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574375727867386,0.13054296332505275,0.0,0.0,0.16142954552257202,0.1197169642044298,0.0,0.0,0.15957243441240748,0.0,0.2074743230781015,0.07175225144468292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643076450086171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890102800893618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089007082767174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389938724748913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640955096196169,0.1990430191052048,0.1116996780037513,0.0,0.17231787002852378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408735598196796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679527185911953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075781840350996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306610693740815,0.0,0.0,0.20790775191344416,0.0,0.0,0.12278816481921508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064967651949402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042640454702214,0.11804687794183595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856398703861212,0.0,0.13921362372239388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662650964556454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252546193142065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433076279988343,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,H31PM3P13453,2019/03/14,"I don’t know what to do. I’ve fought of my depression on my own for a lot longer than anyone would believe, I’ve turned to self harm and unsafe or unsavory activities when it’s the worst. I got a therapist 6 months ago and everything is getting worse and worse. I don’t think I’m good enough for myself let alone anyone else. I don’t know what to do.",2.215600000000002,3.5484632933333344,3.759666666666668,90.3715,76.06666666666666,7.666666666666668,21.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,0.9251333333333333,277,7,64,5,6,92,51,75,0.31,0.653,0.036000000000000004,-0.9674,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,16,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,7,1,8,12,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833781843456532,0.0,0.0,0.2142554116718671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28929727659122045,0.2119632370256646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307217181530265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817722737613947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281372750116494,0.0,0.0,0.21375248910863945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592183381593172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080812790934891,0.0,0.0,0.17351313016729494,0.1654532079103041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273811935941842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153906518033652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758738705999689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165122030578673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158110105580732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019255305920575,0.0,0.13255424016619907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501566031009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42163735218463205,0.1469548421091983,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingbuthrowaway,2019/03/14,Almost got hit at the mall today... Kinda wish I would have. Been living in my first home alone in the country for about 2 months and now my depression is taking me back to teenage levels again. I was picking up my little sisters bday present at the mall today and as I’m walking between a section of vehicles a truck passes literally inches from my face speeding through the parking lot. I almost wished as I seen the truck sooner.,4.019535283993116,6.073386168674703,4.6728399311531845,82.67951807228917,72.855421686747,6.1886402753872645,28.72461273666093,6.868970318607317,1.6307672977624783,344,14,60,3,7,110,63,83,0.071,0.899,0.03,-0.5095,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,0,5,1,1,1,0,10,12,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,1,9,0,14,6,2,20,0,1,1,0,1,9,0,4,9,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281140743788191,0.22139841761226786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643738316496044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411743203029807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183032632895046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096920975940394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214425996221628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425095811480746,0.1887604113129207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817372842363107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062699139208226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607263795475678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405252743967949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916436098193833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185413170924011,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okWhateverlol,2019/03/14,"The thought of suicide is burning through my mind and body I let myself get happy again. As happy as I could be in my situation, which is happier than I've ever been. But like all else, it's come to and end. I'm tired of trying, it all feels so pointless. Nothing ever really gets better. ",1.4485310734463293,3.6134806610169514,3.645,86.44399717514126,81.37288135593221,5.967231638418079,23.39265536723164,7.1686216300943375,1.0176079096045192,225,8,45,3,6,77,47,59,0.104,0.6629999999999999,0.232,0.8434,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,4,12,12,6,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,8,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629393051487045,0.0,0.2339735144122368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144767748529195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681788711724513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596266103346914,0.0,0.1865644866820669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810718132633573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650589472510552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010137449368064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484603166199587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153936342899239,0.0,0.10290804648203003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268631674424332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211472626695512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494135456123246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367681447909841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304059321586105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672246025528786,0.0,0.24209965200917746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301070865664195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Soft-Tears,2019/03/14,"Feeling like it’s time for me to checkout I’m a 21 F, I’ve been dealing with severe anxiety and depression since I was in middle school. I never dated anyone until I turned 19 and even that sucked. I have had my first real relationship the past year and it’s terrible. Constant fighting, unfair rules on my partners part, inconsiderate selfishness and so on. He is ignoring me, stopped sharing location. Talks down to me like I’m a child and I feel worthless and empty on the inside. It’s stupid to feel this way about someone but they are my whole life. And losing that is losing half of what made me whole. First loves are always tricky and I have always felt suicidal. I don’t go to school and I only have a part time job. I just want to drive into a wall and hope the impact kills me. ",2.0792088607594934,4.38749152531646,3.5713765822784818,87.04605221518989,79.9493670886076,6.228481012658229,21.900316455696203,7.413659706084162,0.8923658227848099,623,19,123,9,16,205,102,158,0.262,0.6409999999999999,0.097,-0.9741,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,4,16,4,0,7,0,11,2,0,1,1,25,24,13,2,2,2,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,7,12,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,11,0,3,5,4,18,5,16,19,4,22,0,4,0,1,10,8,1,1,13,81,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285253889705384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505076092486107,0.0,0.0,0.09601855869917347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483960245372822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415726918321526,0.1182750198498829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069971907136784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830200468636628,0.0981026838087699,0.13185041246735876,0.0,0.0,0.23361161644192716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804311365062715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639147999065615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362706452402043,0.0,0.1519261676319634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699441130287276,0.13417693881884107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072558196837289,0.0,0.0,0.12393823846288185,0.1299371577279487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591099724233473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443937688246722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29741214114017955,0.13108914621034992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563022121423442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743216552038854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779538793334111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513448752493836,0.0,0.11359396852551573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163522709793475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480712972001432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020770347701812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037401893631213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014683048811254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936662828144534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099592452345257,0.10899961131604996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066296539471631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843070308052328
suicidewatch,kantigone,2019/03/14,"I keep failing I’m 19, taking a year out of med school following an unsuccessful (obviously) suicide attempt. What I’ve been through doesn’t matter too much but I never sought help or told anyone before that OD a few months ago. I went to A&E on my own but I let them call my Mum and I’ve never seen her so shocked or upset. I’m really good at hiding this stuff and I’m naturally a very private person.

I’ve made a more feeble attempt since then (alcohol and pills), but didn’t tell anyone or get help. I think about trying again (probably a different way) almost all the time.

What’s really crushing me now is the fact that I got the help I was so afraid of - taking ‘happy pills’ and talking to a doctor - and nothing has changed. Worse, every few weeks I really make this huge effort to do things better (I have BED, among other stuff and doing things better usually means eating regularly, not binging or restricting). And things do get better for a day or two. I feel almost happy and completely full of hope for a few hours - but then I fail again. I fall back into bad habits and sink lower than before and it seems to hurt more every time I try and fail. This has been a regular occurrence for about 18 months now and I just feel like there’s no hope left. I’ve tried everything and still fail. I don’t really sleep at the moment and I just lie awake thinking how can I die in the way that will cause the least pain to my family?

This last thing I know is childish and I need to grow up basically but I feel like at first after the overdose everyone was watching over me (the home treatment team, my Mum, a friend that I told) but now everything has gone back to normal because I’ve gone back to acting like I’m ok and I feel really alone.

I’m sorry for the long post and I hope this is the right place - I really do want to do it, but I think I want someone to stop me as well.",2.4726060606060614,4.220389992207791,3.9781818181818167,87.32060606060604,76.35064935064935,7.16017316017316,21.277056277056275,8.00094639256281,0.9038744588744588,1477,37,309,24,33,490,203,385,0.17800000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.156,-0.871,2,1,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,1,12,19,25,0,2,21,1,22,7,1,4,5,66,58,35,3,7,15,2,4,3,1,1,5,0,2,1,20,19,2,3,10,1,0,7,7,10,1,2,13,6,35,15,33,43,10,54,0,5,2,0,15,15,0,11,32,195,55,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000460567557322,0.08439788605097083,0.15815966575032386,0.08179198447987142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556697554172876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043920978414733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217558235750198,0.06593897368841682,0.04814107448030746,0.0,0.13440004052855034,0.0,0.0,0.20953502220881529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064003939137222,0.0,0.0,0.08112680044667797,0.08354273119600332,0.0,0.08280145867074341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093091068191599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196127879295764,0.08250974795656063,0.0,0.08083198802160785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080887084415364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307594862311464,0.07546187683427745,0.1419512872723268,0.0,0.07444850981005544,0.0,0.1597240443630617,0.11283634147736765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717420742867762,0.0,0.0,0.061014174930256085,0.0,0.08252003749355075,0.0,0.0,0.06623862211439667,0.06316174750474905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681359883689011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880137188746998,0.0,0.0792161386887372,0.2353133728863408,0.07777228172299545,0.0,0.08454199573324916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019463659763557,0.0,0.0,0.0434013752846369,0.06437335711444944,0.0,0.0,0.08580415795134129,0.0807550194466732,0.0,0.11574633561857645,0.0,0.0,0.0698884263200878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472595514598307,0.05271494475000417,0.0,0.0,0.08602451049750602,0.08772095688275656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607064117530567,0.0,0.05805408097858901,0.058557316671869065,0.1218173549088603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737655816275958,0.07577651356296615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403260729598137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895598650709707,0.08250974795656063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563409439028057,0.0,0.08514601525118325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035519154781963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744232372840822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992467082898523,0.0,0.07189385408331728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532710077177636,0.0,0.07902981449602328,0.0,0.06691338131729696,0.0,0.0,0.08840356306609608,0.0,0.0,0.06306776515775436,0.0660247813320573,0.0,0.0,0.18080988102727666,0.08638340493875896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875540650415335,0.06347533017141482,0.06902569172054847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098640271055427,0.15180770842352312,0.0,0.0,0.09209932771410774,0.0,0.0,0.1509237536685549,0.0,0.16085200377516296,0.0,0.07714493213405682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697736140906642,0.06516081526944786,0.0931603850473496,0.1253698358276584,0.06334720159239149,0.0,0.0710060146365136,0.07320855945753581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048001097595561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050855881931466736
suicidewatch,coleg100,2019/03/14,"I've been suicidal for seven years, I'm sixteen. I never seriously thought about it, until now. My junior year has been one of the worst years of my relatively short life. I lost my girlfriend of 18 months, lost countless friends, all because of my dumb actions. My one friend I lost bullies me daily, and frankly I knew I deserved some of it, but not even close to all of it. I wrote a poem about my rocky breakup, and I got two reactions: overwhelming support from family and close friends, and looks of disgust due to thinking it was self-pity. I got a like on it from my ex, but it was deleted about a week after. I know what I've done to earn lost relationships, but I never learn from my lesson, which is why I'm contemplating ending it all. As the title states I've been suicidal for nearly half of my life. Most of the time I never took any actions to self harm, as I have no cut wounds, no damaged intestines. I feel that if I were to self harm, I would finish the job. I almost succeeded once when I was eleven, but my mom walked in on me attempting. I need help, but I don't know where to begin.",4.632008928571427,4.898169611607145,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.40178571428572,8.364285714285714,28.94642857142857,8.192908349453996,1.7581017857142855,859,29,183,11,14,280,126,224,0.199,0.706,0.095,-0.9785,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,8,7,19,3,1,7,0,13,4,1,0,6,33,33,14,2,3,7,2,1,1,4,1,3,0,0,2,10,6,0,0,8,0,0,4,7,13,0,6,18,2,31,6,31,14,6,30,0,6,1,0,11,8,1,4,18,124,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562984993630095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785258173779448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039146411345829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816929788414095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227508726065533,0.0,0.0,0.07626903883342323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885796927400644,0.0,0.05838678019867428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676432018632392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470912545346505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739933235154077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458945231685648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269222336145806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631244417959643,0.056414431390199186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969685061371128,0.0,0.5042110780663925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524095681891796,0.09216970237839536,0.0,0.0,0.08562200365457981,0.2671804293640483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297531720406132,0.15649542026796956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397513104227326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613915697997869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526181400970738,0.13103775516376948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399064087509416,0.0,0.09167291761893526,0.06733342152877353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282951073819636,0.0,0.0,0.11280065475212787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092625732095009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419671061260624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202893346696961,0.0,0.0,0.2230830964980728
suicidewatch,Acerbrine,2019/03/14,"Life has come down on me like a sack of bricks... I (17 M) started my final year of high school this year and yeah it's pretty stressful. I really enjoy my video games so I have decided I want to start up a business after I finish university but that is a whole other story. I have felt super lonely recently, as I don't really have many friends at school. I would like to be in a relationship with a female but that's kind of hard because im a bit of a loser and im pretty fussy. I lowered my standards at a point but I got catfished so I dont really want to do the whole online thing again. 

Also I know I need to get a job, becuase I dont want to leech off my parents. But im really really shy so I try to find jobs online which gets pretty difficult. 

I don't want my life to fall apart any further just because of how I act. I just want to be able to be happy without sitting on the brink of tearing up all the time. I feel that if I dissapeared only a small amount of people would care, but I know they would forget.

My father calls me a loser (I live with my father), and I visit my mother every 2nd weekend and she cheers me up but I dont seem to get any homewowrk done there because I really dislike using my slow laptop and would much rather use my pc.

Sorry my writing is pretty sloppy. ",1.062366220735786,2.864923090579712,3.642028985507249,87.85821070234115,80.77536231884058,5.985284280936455,20.035674470457078,7.010146845296331,0.4275734671125977,1007,26,214,12,26,353,146,276,0.112,0.695,0.192,0.9728,4,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,10,14,0,1,14,1,20,2,0,3,1,43,41,18,0,12,11,4,3,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,7,3,0,4,6,5,0,0,3,3,41,9,32,31,6,33,0,3,0,0,12,16,0,2,14,141,49,6,0.08696564929016135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954639831751834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827924739298908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904035786392634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494396511916484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880165126774882,0.0,0.08866727540801597,0.0,0.0,0.07491320639863053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899605305235435,0.3057692798451295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327231032465889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043972445306495536,0.0,0.08350066135353837,0.09526661795001723,0.0794850279356307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718944491395823,0.0,0.13630788713790992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695543742005963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257655078905434,0.07790413996963136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188398322052584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181347384115435,0.0,0.17259997580132566,0.0,0.0,0.09056134110103208,0.095588093003322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285281994687773,0.0849740468771013,0.0,0.07679226160776711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881695185818279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392975862412442,0.06448392701091367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614129510741118,0.0,0.0,0.0965650618460032,0.0,0.0,0.060291031221365074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221064836120978,0.0,0.0,0.3539013201734954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33427453090797965,0.0,0.08586808705993045,0.09336856135193697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760277599121443,0.0,0.07917026091240009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735092439776047,0.1231094683546332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961885743562184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777611311120499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050710369460318885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590439672928735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150220797333077,0.0,0.0,0.25647296576807777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418808342016572,0.0,0.08383178253928354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24711160835742635,0.0,0.0,0.1120060537241032
suicidewatch,NationalBassKazoo,2019/03/14,"I constantly feel depressed and nobody can help me. All of my happiness is just gone.  I can’t imagine myself in the future.  There are things telling me to cut myself and leave everything.  I feel like my friends can’t help me.  And i’m too young to feel these things and have these thoughts.  I really want to end it, but i keep telling myself wait until this or that.  I think I can keep pretending in front of people, but when I’m alone, I can’t convince myself i’m worth anything.  Sorry for the rant.  I just needed to get this out there because nothing is helping so far.  Thank you for reading this.",2.5112954545454507,4.565443841666667,3.2178787878787887,91.42227272727276,77.25,6.03030303030303,24.24242424242424,6.980632752743323,0.8413333333333335,471,16,97,5,11,148,73,120,0.115,0.713,0.172,0.7212,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,0,7,7,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,22,25,10,0,2,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,3,6,2,1,2,3,2,0,0,2,3,19,5,12,23,1,12,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,7,66,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700283681330127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485832156141701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006601138615717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511822123259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555136774136461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992011333657222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227319570512214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27388548150341685,0.1289901210129881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949806781603147,0.0,0.09433370032140237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192206528520716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630711153622763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209751238171025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911840359031464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821114215963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338808980299184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324953160396214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517564883571805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060609110419745,0.0,0.11566958481223738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211903627099204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31562995437333,0.16623283852821685,0.0,0.0,0.2399084009476385,0.1156937822446875,0.0,0.1433422719860551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649733218516727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nonononono12345no,2019/03/14,"I am pregnant and want to die I am already a mother of a one year old boy. I am married and people looking at my life probably think it's perfect.

I am miserable. I have been for years. My existence has been a series of complete fuckups since I was sixteen. Every mistake in the book I have made. I cannot do anything right. Everything I say is wrong. My husband tries but after a decade he is frustrated and no longer seems to want me around. I do not blame him.

My one year old is my light and my joy but he's young enough now to not remember me. He would probably hate me too when he gets older, just like every other family member. I speak to absolutely no one in my family, and I have no friends. I am a SAHM so I have no way out, no finances to leave this house and no people to help me. If I wasn't pregnant I could maybe hook but that's obviously not an option.

I'm too much of a pussy to actually do anything or at least I thought I was. I'm comforted by the thought of ending my life while pregnant, it means I would never be alone. I would have this baby with me forever.

I don't know what to do and I just want out",0.7026250000000012,2.6284260125000003,3.0599999999999987,90.935,82.625,6.333333333333332,22.5,7.492282038375204,0.8628749999999998,873,30,197,14,24,300,126,240,0.146,0.7290000000000001,0.125,-0.6293,0,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,2,1,9,0,30,2,0,1,3,41,45,15,1,9,10,2,0,1,1,3,2,2,0,1,7,11,0,0,7,1,1,0,13,5,0,3,8,4,36,5,23,32,3,22,0,1,1,0,12,8,0,4,14,141,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.11947264051137155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679909374568646,0.13510299028724612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149659124696886,0.10898739892123543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836404431359605,0.0,0.0,0.09774926472545922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706154446884885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843538947502476,0.1265014577385307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630272993206372,0.0,0.11003091987940557,0.0,0.2308295521783069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945880227261288,0.0,0.0639638837263895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087288333079635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206130127522154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141266151981318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728354970727865,0.0,0.0,0.12963419648742694,0.0,0.0,0.17294986347908065,0.059812423569171685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280917876893517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584488935004705,0.0,0.0,0.12299597130139245,0.1333606225642369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999909836073647,0.0,0.09442447388436573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569364149940077,0.0,0.24888233736579404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975313425051072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639974476365316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386877232014348,0.10455334447802617,0.0,0.09736012641637999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145438763492364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127419242325487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844729518880601,0.0,0.19438924556450013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312097424366285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663465812918667,0.09717811388904916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609092669667232,0.13385644087459408,0.0,0.2365199884152908
suicidewatch,FattyThor,2019/03/14,"I do not want to go, but I need to do what is best for others I have lived a fairly full life. But it is time to go. My children are young enough that they will not suffer my absence. With my passing, they will be afforded far more opportunities and able to live a more full life without having a father that will likely disappoint them. I believe I am a good father, but their mother and whomever she marries will allow them to live in a single, two parent household. They will be given those advantages, and I need to ensure they receive the best outcomes. My death will provide them that. It is more clear than ever, and the logic is sound. A side benefit is that all of the shame and all of the pain will end. I do not want to go, but ultimately, it is what is best for my children. 

I wish you all the best in your lives. You are incredible human beings. ",3.450326475849735,4.76446330813954,4.594418604651164,85.68832737030414,72.8953488372093,6.920214669051878,24.27728085867621,7.321109707123232,0.9718357781753126,667,19,136,7,13,219,90,172,0.093,0.65,0.257,0.9906,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,8,6,1,13,0,1,11,0,25,3,0,1,5,26,34,9,1,5,8,4,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,3,11,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,4,0,1,1,1,25,9,16,23,14,15,0,2,0,0,20,6,0,0,5,116,36,0,0.14088289129727188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872677441031388,0.5913916105312585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478042543183572,0.14556968708077436,0.0,0.0,0.12743664087612622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020098131523085,0.11816588507664733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901950505068414,0.06882826441813449,0.0,0.4976086964388442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892575755258672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990932932268491,0.0,0.1564337784194972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821499468656396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762211371267966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619275887396068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200837220916575,0.1358060797928702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cherry_doughnut,2019/03/14,"Feeling worthless Does anyone just feel completely expendable? I can't see myself being any more than a cog in life. I'm at university at the moment, and I could do well if I put in the work but it seems pointless. I'm not intelligent enough to ever contribute to academia, not musically gifted enough to ever be anything than good. 


I shouldn't care about where I end up, but whenever I think of practicing, which I enjoy, it's just like: ""What's the point?"". 


I'm shit at talking to people so I'm terrible at making friends, and when people are kind to me I think that it's just politeness or lies. I'm apathetic to most things so it's difficult to get conversations going. 


 I wish I could have a proper reason to die, which is silly because hardly anyone gets one of those. I think that I must have read too many fantasy books as a child, but the idea of sacrificing my life for something greater has stuck in my mind. 


In all honesty death scares me too much for me to kill myself. I've thought about it a lot and I can see two relatively easy ways in my present location but I can't commit (shit pun). I just sort of wallow in self pity until the current wave of suicidal thoughts go away.    ",3.1225210084033614,4.935810873949581,4.4703277310924365,84.2077605042017,74.71428571428571,7.785210084033612,25.765546218487398,8.548686976883017,1.7659825210084032,940,33,190,18,20,311,145,238,0.225,0.636,0.14,-0.9814,1,1,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,15,16,3,1,9,0,15,4,2,2,5,39,38,14,4,6,12,0,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,12,3,0,0,10,3,0,3,5,8,1,2,3,5,23,8,34,29,8,26,0,2,2,0,5,14,2,6,9,127,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523950828859729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528953131057318,0.0,0.10314899311033028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776659641396997,0.0,0.0,0.07640969542369715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779849590955225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314227882524184,0.0,0.0,0.20015699861340303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008925157390094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969103920036913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110192601537974,0.2590316374479061,0.0,0.0,0.2267650801412173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675730354351544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968419291276124,0.0,0.13097611549599986,0.0,0.14247392378275706,0.10513419145052068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228530331435044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150026061548085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867666354716732,0.1305284630322305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770710280112951,0.06123767383326845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656459926100988,0.0,0.0,0.08366935960834243,0.12708106579316686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656362392281484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214365681620128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493762381902784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737981249896336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184923880875432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600724730526414,0.0,0.0,0.12537981743083168,0.0,0.0,0.12887645849803706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549310971652644,0.0,0.19976890272319567,0.11411019701251407,0.13076310754849965,0.0,0.2573315241076907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649739539627414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710806691139546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007482840313506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327424431544712,0.24094976875424198,0.0,0.19902128197175198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244472794757245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949373870777292,0.0,0.0,0.1127010148858633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414159559992784,0.0,0.0,0.09125330591551084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,littleelwave,2019/03/14,"I honestly want nothing more than to die. I hate school. I start my day in a shitty class that is useless to me in every single way imaginable. I hate science, I’ll never use it. All the adults in my life say that I NEED to take these classes  because it’s background information everyone knows, however these same adults can’t help me pull my struggling grade up because they don’t know the material. The people who tell me I need to know the ‘general knowledge’ can’t help me because they don’t know it. My next class is weight lifting. The boys in this class can lift more then I weigh, and you best believe that they let me know about it. I’m a skinny kid. I can barely lift the bar, and every day these kids make fun of me in the locker room. I tel, the teacher, he calls them out and asks them about it and they deny it. The teacher is the football coach. The kids are all football players. They didn’t get in trouble. 

Next in my shit show of a day I get to sit in a classroom full of kids and read books that were published hundreds of years ago! Why you may ask? Because we’re told to! I feel like a lot of adults talk shit about how much kids hate reading, but then they go around and force us to sit in silence and read ‘english’ that sounds like yoda doing a bad yoda impression. I don’t have many friends, and I feel like any friend that I do have would rather not be friends. I feel like I’m always the one who starts a conversation, and if I don’t say anything nothing will be said to me. 

Finally in my four class shit show I ge to go to creative writing. The class where the teacher says you should express yourself, but if your idea of expressing yourself isn’t dark and depressing serious poetry he doesn’t want you to do it. In nine weeks I wrote a fifty three page story about talking squirrels, I was really proud of myself, and felt I had accomplished what he wanted me to do. I expressed myself. I got a c on that project with the only comment being that I should be more serious, and maybe I should give poetry a try, 

At home my life isn’t much better. I love my dad more then anyone else in the whole world. But my mom is literally a monster. She simultaneously plays the victim all the time while also screaming at everyone. Today should told me that my dad should take me away, and get me medicated. Because I got angry at her after she called me worthless and threw a book at me. I threw the book back  at her and I honestly think she called the police on me. This is the same woman who screamed at me to ‘get the fuck out of her house’ and then called the police on me for ‘running away’ after I did. 

I couldn’t get into any of the colleges I applied for. My grades in classes like science and history were too low, even though I got a’s in things like algebra, computer science, web design, digital marketing, and calculus. I can’t go to school as a Computer Science major, because my chemistry grades were too bad. Or my European history grades were bad. The Air Force won’t take me because I physically can’t do the exercises , and I get made fun of in the class that could help me learn how to do the exercises. I quite literally can’t do anything with my future. I’ve been lashing out and yelling a lot. I’m angry all the time. I really wouldn’t mind not being so angry anymore. My older brother parades his money around, buying computers and laptops and this and that, and he hasn’t talked to me in eight months. I just don’t see the point. Everyone says things will get better, but my future just looks grim. ",3.793092048401036,4.979655997191017,4.698876404494381,85.76146499567852,71.8932584269663,7.667934312878133,27.31590319792567,8.07648339933343,1.6096207000864298,2778,97,573,39,52,902,300,712,0.116,0.77,0.114,-0.2444,1,0,0,0,1,0,69.0,1,5,8,6,19,42,8,1,45,0,59,14,4,5,5,92,114,42,1,17,12,4,5,6,3,11,5,9,2,10,30,32,4,0,15,13,2,7,21,22,0,5,20,16,96,20,72,75,20,78,0,5,2,2,75,41,4,6,33,377,126,32,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055121510361479185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972775219638853,0.05174126813576605,0.0,0.0,0.0845731949694987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166886359077588,0.04347982527494326,0.0637138698240132,0.10234268217141304,0.11071217294007496,0.11626549094234298,0.0,0.11684602034178218,0.047814917097811487,0.15576071544073916,0.2653434152109587,0.0,0.0,0.07005898863887512,0.06525726090834504,0.10999168589280496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539833328944877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964809513837113,0.0,0.0,0.12030874370823234,0.0,0.05355815862197087,0.0,0.06453617493630866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194594823289353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107130945450714,0.0,0.1047837811541622,0.17825566985239205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432483564514886,0.13327072210192534,0.059705467090700085,0.06811847751450202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412738032700914,0.05748721567187279,0.22741649213533796,0.05965163523845899,0.10602015875096707,0.0,0.14920036557310334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841786256329843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503993675042738,0.0,0.062374656172818226,0.0,0.0,0.07175087580554812,0.0,0.07019707979045682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087085445074687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358636832839785,0.08784343596132717,0.18227694525329866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221808985421929,0.0,0.0,0.10573158868577744,0.056122618650562416,0.05883909310109842,0.041507660034660485,0.06304383947094479,0.06247121860158021,0.0,0.0,0.06264286775695793,0.0,0.0,0.0627871409454295,0.07282802134906764,0.04963390684627289,0.0,0.09142337408534353,0.09221586798524364,0.04795939157157282,0.0,0.13226473053113255,0.0,0.0,0.11933260211121402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04213683515847736,0.04729300168835706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310988825837661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878306926759848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613931407570789,0.18659959373973253,0.0,0.07967209153743174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059150307927789914,0.1978017873619997,0.0,0.12586510640899054,0.049551829597753984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148998155708494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802694723913905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500721162271142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026171507422242,0.14994110898746826,0.054350715137448366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262329337451266,0.03984437924746167,0.061094518099543214,0.0,0.07251885783637603,0.0,0.05894224817303741,0.11883711323492804,0.0,0.0422182002988369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479853707588753,0.053706178646504184,0.0,0.0,0.11003149893019143,0.04935800036227138,0.049879481431949736,0.07572218681809846,0.0,0.0,0.05611051891002307,0.06942514008936966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044173045342859096,0.0,0.0,0.04004383705579029
suicidewatch,MoonOnTheHorizon,2019/03/14,"First post. My life has been falling apart. I’ve struggled with severe anxiety/depression my whole life. 

I had surgery this this week. My boyfriend of four years left me after I woke up in the recovery room. We have a kid. He’s throwing me out of the apartment. I can’t walk because the surgery was on my knee. 

I asked him to throw me down the stairs last night. He refused. He took all my medications away, so I’m laying in bed in a ton of pain because he took them from me. I told him I’d rather be dead than homeless. My family refuses to help. I don’t have any friends that are close that can help. 



I tried calling a suicide hotline. And a crisis line. No resources to help.,


I want to die. I don’t know what else to do. He’s taking everything away from me. Everything. ",0.12929919137466328,2.479559018867924,1.6861275831087177,96.45943396226416,90.88679245283018,5.04115004492363,22.036837376460014,6.655083550727371,0.4848422282120399,600,23,134,8,21,193,103,159,0.19,0.75,0.06,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,8,0,13,5,1,0,1,11,22,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,7,0,24,1,22,14,3,28,0,0,0,0,19,15,0,0,6,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675260754925647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675624269091206,0.0,0.29497803311645776,0.0,0.0,0.19138858006799025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602953694153085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520768821596696,0.0,0.16292171433728106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113765957358028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821691830017967,0.0,0.14798791608351894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335281390761881,0.0,0.0,0.1212832952939016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156635929555766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627276892337002,0.12796064011184333,0.0,0.0,0.17056054659679756,0.0,0.2217609456126093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581420562349636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731623364134214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703907799531728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503446078670874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734408708988647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411084747912325,0.0,0.17171196728720894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803033517419804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000227573322836,0.3488238061354625,0.1065799387042916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092591586318316,0.0,0.12592085962900496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752639175257721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010907539563772
suicidewatch,DocAuch,2019/03/14,"I feel hopeless. I don't feel like living but I don't want to die. I just turned 31. Not married. No kids. Living with my parents. Average job. Swamped with debt. Living in the middle of nowhere. No real relationships. My closest friends all live 2+ hours away. 

I just don't get the point of living if it's never going to get better. If it's never going to get easier. I don't see a way out. All I really have are my parents, my brothers, and my nephews. I'm alone all the time. I've struggled for a long time. I'm just so tired of it all. Tired of never having enough. Tired of never being enough. I often wonder just how much it would matter if I just went away for good. Just drop off the face of the earth. Cease to exist.

I don't want to keep living like this. I don't want to kill myself though, because of my family. But no one sees how hard it is for me just to get up and out of bed every day. I'm hopeless. I have nothing to show for the life i've lived so far. I just want out. But there is no way out.",-1.2895674486803514,0.7431907500000037,1.3377419354838729,98.11177419354841,96.04545454545456,3.747800586510264,14.369501466275661,5.4233941145090725,-1.0105557184750735,775,16,182,5,31,264,107,220,0.191,0.6809999999999999,0.127,-0.8546,4,1,0,0,0,4,34.0,0,0,0,1,15,9,1,1,8,0,14,5,1,2,8,45,35,13,2,8,15,4,3,2,1,1,4,0,1,1,6,8,0,1,3,1,1,3,15,4,0,1,1,5,21,5,31,32,7,28,0,2,2,0,7,13,0,5,11,120,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591222488843762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401338294457575,0.0,0.0,0.05645195664695692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190276956801075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059723418989778926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096110745493266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137417949796498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802482353709977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730100218155651,0.0,0.09364908163348701,0.06615797763183726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154741756795671,0.0,0.1935319321132624,0.0,0.10526061809443713,0.07767379237631425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295707815144977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119857675709732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189748893364663,0.08231275734569582,0.10245517869295713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541058658392214,0.09048554608749383,0.0,0.5724115759539629,0.08195368415300981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807630485943618,0.0,0.2856948297227962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885826718022159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275244301052718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565673108980406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754291085994652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540627282813934,0.05932598360708082,0.0,0.0,0.09942453692423096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759050371037755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681223868107157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098524487845623,0.0,0.107998986550611,0.3193120455862701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072908985904247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184864411390763,0.14701318184898718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584699176944054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042760997334872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578487681986046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1235811,2019/03/14,"Fantasize getting killed in an accident Too afraid to commit suicide, tried twice unsuccessfully.
Fantasizing being run over while walking down a busy road or just slipping and falling off a high rise building with no safety protection.
I have too many responsibilities on my shoulder and can't afford  to die till it is done.
But it hurts living each day.
 I feel like I was born to be a laughing stock for others, used and abused and made fun of.
Haven't slept properly in 3 months and the stress is getting to me.
Have no one you tell it to. none to share these things with.
Life's awful.
",4.5574007936507925,6.496021446428577,4.856190476190476,82.41103174603178,71.14285714285714,7.477777777777778,26.73015873015873,8.167268648758528,1.6694611111111115,470,16,89,7,9,148,88,112,0.256,0.617,0.126,-0.9497,1,0,0,0,1,2,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,8,1,2,5,1,10,3,2,2,1,15,16,9,3,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,4,0,2,4,1,6,4,17,10,2,17,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,6,61,12,1,0.0,0.2736554943037546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895317457812862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397049749402757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23635715716401864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678273147776,0.16500128356043173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133912758278964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24402696881550476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24725257178857765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555283065910407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313725314955918,0.11283772405490068,0.0,0.20394613045513355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185444574492792,0.0,0.2341620335484041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435388227634456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650771099609687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645693728637592,0.0,0.0,0.25263798004430443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018733961668121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344273570107428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680992334367005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19947941165250915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bunniesinmyskull,2019/03/14,"Everyone I cared for is ignoring me I was ghosted by the only people I care about in life, they won’t talk to me, they’ve been ignoring me for days...nothing is going right. They guy I liked is just...I beg for help and his only responses are..oh, sorry you had a bad day. Sorry to hear that I hope it gets better.
I can’t keep doing this
I can’t keep being alone 
I can’t keep fucking investing EVERYTHING into people for them to just ghost me after a month
I’m fine almost all the time, I just have days where I break down
I can’t fucking handle this right now
I can’t keep doing this
I try and I try and I try and I try and everyone just keeps fucking leaving me. Nothing I do is good enough, even when I hide all the bad shit from people so I can just support them only...I can’t do this anymore
I just wanna use all of my savings to fucking get on a plane and buy a gun, go to a pretty place in the forest..,by the water and surrounded by birds so I can just fucking die.
All I’ve heard today is that I deserved the rape and fucking torture from when I was a kid, that I deserved to be beaten up a couple days ago, that I DESERVE all of this bad shit..and you know what?
They’re right
I’m fucking worthless human trash and not even the lowest human garbage wanted me. Not even the people who only wanted me so they could sell my nudes to their friends and pass me around fucking wanted me, NOBODY FUCKING WANTS OR CARES ABOUT ME!
It’s why I was disowned, it’s why...
It’s why I need to fucking disappear 
Because if nobody wants or needs me and if everyone I meet wants me gone...I’m better off gone. ",1.4974313725490198,3.1364781941176503,3.3717647058823563,91.07460784313729,78.82352941176471,5.7098039215686285,21.92156862745098,6.42735559955562,0.3559627450980396,1246,36,271,10,30,419,155,340,0.159,0.731,0.111,-0.9368,1,1,0,1,0,0,41.0,0,2,6,3,19,32,14,0,15,0,27,15,2,1,5,52,66,20,3,13,12,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,4,15,13,1,7,1,0,3,5,9,20,0,0,7,2,51,12,30,55,6,31,0,1,0,12,20,14,11,6,12,177,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058744979632159376,0.0,0.06636053623521701,0.06863646207238777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657227298711727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899497584287783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599980653743554,0.040398005424416274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722210268017602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270219514781015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291176382055973,0.0733272723407291,0.0,0.1282173629198998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877852688195442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847535143734257,0.0,0.13131352288147227,0.0,0.0,0.18997348995200306,0.05955983466443088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051200580718385055,0.6126619701831943,0.0692474141525685,0.0,0.07532633540675875,0.055584721453981266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656184149994187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469189864839128,0.0,0.0444198552702916,0.0,0.0,0.06582176112547908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945222287462849,0.0,0.0,0.03642064522039497,0.0,0.0,0.07017110570473957,0.0,0.0,0.04680895736098424,0.03237651800569515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289664284646341,0.0,0.0,0.09827777306952704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717705364936466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512055676290613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377504470217068,0.0,0.06923877959724066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742112966214492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978445470281114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360518485138701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836925261162415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520320838016473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053265880752835504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03864297983317316,0.0,0.06281687757994606,0.0,0.0,0.17997382875740522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057236609628802934,0.0,0.0,0.23452906573718216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939700502960299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KarmaMaster777,2019/03/14,"I wish I could do it. For the last 7-8 weeks not a minute has passed I haven't thought about suicide. The only thing that makes me feel good now is thinking about dying.

Since I was 12 I always assumed I would not get to my 21st birthday. I wasn't a depressed kid or anything, but I always knew that I'd eventually kill myself or a car would ran me over. I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I'm 20 now, and the past year has been kind of a rough one for me, but everyone passes through rough times. The last two months, though, have been the tipping point. The only thing I do is go to the uni, come home, stay in my room and repeat. I'll hang out once or twice a week with some friends, but I don't enjoy it, I just do it. I feel like very little people respect me. Most of the people on my group of friends from the uni have said things to me that I will never forget, and they didn't even think about them. They just said them because for them I'm nothing. I know people talk shit behind my back, but I honestly can't blame them. If everyone has done that all my life, maybe they are not the problem. They are dicks, sure, but they are right. 

My grades are not as good as they used to be, and it's because I don't really care about them anymore. I don't care about anything. I just want to stop existing. My parents are getting tired of me, and have all the right to do so. 

The only thing that keeps me from doing it is my family. My nephew adores me and I now it would crush him if I killed myself. But even though I love him, I'm a bad uncle. He is only 9, so after a few years he won't really miss me. He is better off without me. 

I am not going to kill myself, at least not in a few weeks, because I can't, but I really wish I could. 

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suicidewatch,throwawayobvious4784,2019/03/14,"i guess i just want someone to tell me they really understand what i'm saying here ... I feel like killing myself is the best logical solution to my problem. I'm not going to do it right now, but i really want to.  I try to express it to friends, but all I get are bullshit answers about how life can be beautiful and i shouldn't loose hope, hang on and all that crap. These answers are well intented, but so out of touch. I know life can be good. Some parts of my life are awesome.  I feel like they mostly want to be reassured, so i just tell them ""yeah ok ou're right life is good"".

​

There are a lot of mental issues with me, but the main problem is the consequences of these issues :  I cannot work. I try to push through, I can seem like a normal employee for a few month, but then depression kicks in again and i start having anxiety attack at work, i want to cry non stop and hide in the bathroom. I start to doubt i deserve my job (which is a really cool one bts), i feel really stupid and think that my colleagues must think i'm dumb to. I feel like i'm a bad person overall. 

All these thoughts make it impossible for me to work. And while I know it's depression talk and it can improve (i'm seing a therapist, getting help, all of that), it does not improve. I'm stuck with this acute pain and ok : some days are better than others. I manage from month to month on the good periods. I fail to manage from 10 min to 10 min in the bad ones. 

But in the long run, i cannot function. And you can't be depressed for years. No one gets it. Not my friends, not my colleagues. It starts to be this excuse that I have. They don't understand that everytime i climb up from the pit, i really came close to actually end myself. It's an incredible struggle each time. But most people around me cannot really comprehend wanting to kill oneself. So I feel alone and I feel i'm using up all the emotionnal ressources of my friends. There will be a day when i won't have their support anymore and i sincerely understand. It tiring to support a suicidal person. It's shit to be friend with me. But the result is that i cannot keep on living much longer.  Once I'm alone i'm not staying.

I see the road ahead of me, it get lonelier and darker. And i'm not sure i want to stay on it until i'm completely alone. I feel it would be easier to just go now.",1.9285268114549297,3.7050544338843,3.5010071112819534,90.00993561406881,78.00826446280992,7.146953680568903,23.239285027868533,8.057270187336151,1.138087795502594,1822,58,400,32,43,603,216,484,0.204,0.609,0.187,-0.9559,2,3,0,0,0,1,65.0,0,1,5,8,18,41,7,2,20,4,37,8,2,5,7,90,89,29,3,13,17,0,8,4,4,5,6,1,0,2,28,21,0,2,19,0,0,7,15,18,1,3,3,11,56,23,56,73,16,50,0,4,1,0,20,17,3,9,28,261,84,7,0.0,0.0,0.06772050770051348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562005244888452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519056164865973,0.08432376340591778,0.0,0.0,0.05308776745310765,0.0,0.06882220729345709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617771730524526,0.0,0.07894799420525482,0.0,0.0,0.11588556063315282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282684447438237,0.06137514270818919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937056270656019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727604095314235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622827239696907,0.08950938735899172,0.0,0.1793120781046045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072892715392088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146427831945881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562099951219066,0.14872959754068374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446078010777572,0.0,0.14502623067196427,0.0,0.07887871791360705,0.1746182742144234,0.0,0.0,0.07644754282816832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04651469123923692,0.0,0.0,0.06892590885189455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486283618185605,0.06886484459042927,0.06168237356859545,0.1535528345778746,0.0,0.07627647847351217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960658525902932,0.13561356553484494,0.0,0.061277959476120074,0.06141329636204885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899801691081856,0.0,0.0,0.0463223840498827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993486880617451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617372983029646,0.0,0.051014061524800855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799336811736205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390449938009395,0.14107362298147094,0.0,0.07384226098192234,0.0,0.0,0.07514913003759169,0.0,0.04811046439583725,0.12118786065957238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280524325487872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26674121493520925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852764849814608,0.0,0.05518650263761326,0.0,0.0,0.05529964539279719,0.0631755327728649,0.0,0.0,0.07123402009801907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587990248715158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473565862305365,0.14793385361875566,0.0,0.058018182361328226,0.0,0.07254779046288552,0.0,0.0759079854505474,0.1574995684573014,0.06540493016705777,0.0,0.0,0.055777894406180736,0.12131036526175255,0.0,0.0,0.08057413110257787,0.0,0.08893233857022421,0.0,0.05509269044695951,0.04046537892945972,0.07976051957570422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423068833581824,0.0,0.0,0.21673112117287294,0.0,0.0599358824621183,0.0,0.0,0.2455894332165417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239535857322349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515633931785797,0.0,0.0,0.049296943487446544,0.0,0.08432376340591778,0.04468876340849635
suicidewatch,laownd,2019/03/14,"I don't know why I'm even fighting this I'm doing the things they tell you to, I've sobered up, I'm taking my meds, I'm not harming myself and it's life is only getting worse. It's the same old shit but a whole lot more painful to live through. No one is offering a solution.",-1.1459677419354826,0.8661246451612925,1.326048387096776,99.35907258064518,92.87096774193549,4.390322580645162,20.65322580645161,5.985473137389443,-0.07678064516129046,216,8,53,2,8,73,48,62,0.212,0.7090000000000001,0.079,-0.8062,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,4,0,4,3,1,0,0,6,11,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,11,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015702186644256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425071192051513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499031059417209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926601808354515,0.0,0.0,0.2408542354097053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189287592517915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029775855411582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862183015365354,0.0,0.1848308912925452,0.20744812991016173,0.29023847174049083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799867292016149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050834122835465,0.0,0.2384063986642517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121124781323586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612568034645765,0.3045295279668483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27796823331978576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Br00ki394,2019/03/14,"Help me!! Last night I almost killed myself. A user here talked to me and waited for me to text them this morning to see if I made it. I did and I went to work. While at work they messaged me that they hope I will one day see the light and that they were going to kill them selves. My mind is racing because they won’t answer my messages and I did nothing to stop them. SuperSaiyaanSuicide, if you’re still here please answer back. Please!!",1.6664669163545582,3.867773224719105,2.3205992509363327,96.03822721598007,80.79775280898876,4.404993757802747,16.630461922596755,5.033348758259628,-0.885398002496879,343,6,75,1,9,106,59,89,0.094,0.767,0.139,0.3289,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,7,2,4,3,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,14,13,7,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,5,3,20,1,8,6,0,10,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,4,7,52,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563824100562585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023008686618633,0.0,0.11909781279275235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599968179439935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103520704039628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095467342219122,0.0,0.0,0.19404987206307955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323034458462678,0.0,0.0,0.15925539920372642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486703740641275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972714418602033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833447033184227,0.0,0.18746604897863847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239007385864454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289226528955298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113746134755828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602545163565126,0.16334091275807244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703374034174702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811131015089257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284468327857638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nosce97,2019/03/14,"I can't belive I'm back to square one All the progress I made just fucking gone, I just can't deal with this any longer. ",1.8922222222222231,2.6959102592592608,2.3490740740740783,102.26583333333336,76.03703703703705,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.6848370370370374,95,2,25,0,2,29,21,27,0.0,0.877,0.123,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,3,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269633452243397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697087535019393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956880208051047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444957376976823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549485618283611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258053709701064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkPandaLord,2019/03/14,"If I were to transfer my remaining days to a successful, actual competant person... ...they would fix and restore my life faster than I get out of bed in the morning.",13.517741935483876,7.522862064516133,12.487096774193555,60.75064516129034,57.38709677419354,16.270967741935486,50.354838709677416,13.023866798666859,6.264974193548388,128,6,23,3,1,42,28,31,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,6,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,17,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.5286791592364051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34939008329642696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830469982518222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826607833509316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730435318537603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848504318828401,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BenjaTheNinja,2019/03/14,Looking at a gun right in front of me The past few years have been horrible. No one is my genuine friend and I'm just gonna end it. I've got a 9 mil in front of me and I've been eye balling it for a few hours now. The more I look the more I wanna shoot myself in the face and kill myself. No one would care. Why not? No one understands what I'm going through. Fingers are getting tired and I'm done typing. I think today is the day.  Its a shame to die being the one everyone hated ,-0.983680805176128,0.9916266635514042,1.4050467289719641,99.64899352983463,90.77570093457943,4.413803019410496,16.641984184040258,5.873414542411696,-0.6769462257368803,371,9,92,3,13,125,70,107,0.282,0.665,0.053,-0.979,0,0,0,2,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,10,0,9,4,3,0,0,10,22,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,3,0,4,4,4,8,2,10,15,4,15,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,0,7,59,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943038708884564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229050820701766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977867185516842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19502434829866847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879284718908066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821025393284313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723773984881613,0.0,0.09956754989048396,0.0,0.10830814046218924,0.0,0.1524202033073664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881533162202351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767794527859527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084295505465867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200699344668589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165540947769823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192536146595614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274997289193582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221127380397396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190378795711216,0.1806427768876828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983952523182844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719642576027836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353789823369812,0.0,0.0,0.1227240247396062
suicidewatch,KiraLamperouge,2019/03/14,"I‘m not depressed and have a great life, yet I want to die? What’s the matter Okay first of all I don’t need anyone to talk, so you can keep these comments. I just want to find out what’s wrong with me that’s all. I’m really suicidal since about 5 years and been to several attempts but I literally don’t know why. My life is extremely good, but if the smallest thing goes wrong, like an argument with one of my friends, or a bad grade I immediately want to die. I just don’t see life as something worthy for me I’d just be way easier to end it all. I also feel like I don’t belong in this world and if I see something beautiful like a sunrise I immediately get sad and suicidal. When I’m bored I also immediately think „yeah I should kms“ and that’s just really messed up. I just want to know if someone knows what’s wrong with me or if it’s just a phase or something bc even if I don’t kill myself yet since I don’t want to hurt my friends and family I know that won’t last forever.",1.0437264150943406,2.8472112028301915,3.2940000000000005,90.32600000000002,80.83962264150944,7.070188679245282,20.97735849056604,8.07648339933343,0.8205275471698119,773,22,181,15,20,265,111,212,0.23,0.574,0.196,-0.9548,0,0,3,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,0,2,14,18,1,0,7,1,13,3,0,0,3,46,32,21,5,12,17,0,1,3,2,2,3,0,0,0,11,10,0,1,7,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,1,3,24,8,19,28,3,12,0,3,2,0,5,4,0,8,10,109,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835139764227603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022839639784844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580253479685738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882480329879682,0.0,0.2381625865352707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162497605899493,0.0,0.0,0.0757842349792929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816601400796326,0.0,0.058015644853276774,0.08196978907964515,0.0,0.0,0.1048696546149356,0.0975972021500797,0.0,0.0,0.17729461924834966,0.0,0.05994655604415796,0.0,0.0,0.09623789308575656,0.0,0.12650049910846892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283080907965575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198557452493467,0.12694205125668115,0.0,0.2522309058424609,0.09352785522700544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431313128568075,0.16816749981741552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507774771527576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777503288632875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700988564906511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828647563355432,0.0,0.0,0.12962276593967414,0.0,0.1898270929856864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721824868426523,0.2649957894688679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510123738541062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222311460630478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622770205065844,0.07352031964888646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383811019095052,0.09107472703556356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035343846194464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763482844045861,0.0,0.07388835654899002
suicidewatch,BrauneHund,2019/03/14,Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck I really screwed myself over and I don’t want to live with this much weight on my shoulders fuuuuuuuuucjjjck,8.491428571428571,12.180579333333338,9.29547619047619,47.12035714285716,65.19047619047619,9.914285714285716,29.54761904761905,10.125756701596842,3.6239333333333335,110,4,16,3,2,37,20,21,0.168,0.769,0.063,-0.4927,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679147219302375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389540229749514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33946991294746914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125509626815193,0.0,0.0,0.6452800138993441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enrose123,2019/03/14,Suicidal Friend and his suicidal friend My guy friend who’s suicidal is telling me about his other suicidal friend for help. I don’t know how to help him or his friend. How do i do this?,0.7142105263157923,3.2066051578947388,1.9687368421052616,94.48415789473684,89.52631578947368,7.2505263157894735,20.757894736842104,8.238735603445708,1.2994042105263164,148,5,33,4,5,47,24,38,0.28800000000000003,0.369,0.343,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,5,5,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,0,0,1,0,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6274039246169941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081556310551345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772558933100208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925858038228793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7106189647544437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419571433503054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Observer1984,2019/03/14,"No perspective, no reason. There is no sense anymore for me. I dont have any target in my life right now, I failed the assesment center to my dream job in the last part, they didnt want me because of my personality. Additionally, I stopped with college which was the alternative, but I cannot learn things I dont want to learn. 
I cannot keep up friendships, I can only manage to keep them up to 5 months maybe, because I cannot stop trying to manipulate somehow, yes  its bad but I do it out of curiosity (hate myself for it). 
Now Im 20 and still living with my parents, have no idea what to do, no idea what to be, no idea why I deserve to be here. They say to me I should study but I dont know what. 
In a week they will go on a trip, and this will be my opportunity to find a way out of life.

I didnt plan to write it down but now its done. 

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suicidewatch,binga5810,2019/03/14,"I don’t see it getting better I’m going through a really traumatic break up that was dragged out over 4 or 5 months and has culminated in my ex blocking me out of her life entirely. I left a job last year I was comfortable in to pursue something new however it turned out to be a poor decision and have now been unemployed since November. I have gone back to study however I can’t focus on it due to my depression which I have dealt with since I was a teenager and the pressure from my parents to complete it is making me feel even worse. Also my roommate has moved out and I’m now living alone. 

I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past but was always too ashamed to listen to them, however they are getting louder and louder and I’m finding myself listening to them more and more. I said to my ex that I wouldn’t do anything drastic but she couldn’t have predicted the way I feel at the moment, I feel completely crushed by life.  ",3.8487006079027393,5.171258079787236,5.0875683890577506,82.50500000000002,71.92553191489361,8.77568389057751,30.44984802431611,9.23628265651192,2.6678635258358656,741,32,147,16,14,246,114,188,0.14400000000000002,0.833,0.023,-0.9577,7,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,6,5,0,2,8,0,20,2,0,1,0,25,37,11,1,2,3,3,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,12,0,1,6,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,9,7,24,2,25,25,2,27,0,1,1,0,11,12,0,1,10,102,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297914438861214,0.0,0.1335633589511854,0.13897144478428172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744068242722873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842569095692954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477128803904962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502280954808969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385141593651876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031309087938113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25334629708437817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265042581993007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745188794638357,0.0,0.09491955627643453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573850753326105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361410693956248,0.0,0.0,0.18146435646222725,0.0,0.23593795919977845,0.0,0.0,0.14747898740872606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148508129904487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331130050032494,0.1775125388389373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130596803709546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545250839010488,0.0,0.1594365346140066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069953063470514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887132357465195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309084989635714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763162201956708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857777352734812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268938662759568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259276696225972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166643302381874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257024555349933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020449531253135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755341124897506
suicidewatch,throwawayrednebula,2019/03/14,"I can't do this anymore I'm in an supremely emotionally abusive relationship, in a foreign country no less. I can't change my home dynamic without the risk of being deported (at which point there is no doubt I will end it instead of going back). 

I'm stuck. Trapped. I would rather jump Beachy Head than subject myself to this one day longer. 

If I could make it until after November (citizenship) I'd be free, but I'm not sure I can last another day. ",2.3015230961298343,4.660562123595512,4.044194756554308,83.68092384519352,79.4494382022472,7.1016229712858925,27.86641697877653,8.167268648758528,2.0968491885143568,355,16,69,7,9,119,70,89,0.158,0.752,0.08900000000000001,-0.6106,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,10,1,1,1,1,10,16,3,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,1,1,0,8,5,10,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,7,47,13,0,0.0,0.2802962846542631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24806384611271665,0.0,0.0,0.23461346902693436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819074151583809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502592623633885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888157090565866,0.0,0.0,0.3051356343341977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661089517682323,0.20953044264153034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444795197572584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427886536960386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372985914119559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283579357156336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579120409376076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030567931245526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236347323089748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539872101758869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296404258769895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228044646537574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680522520107274,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,draingangg,2019/03/14,"I asked to borrow my friends phone and when I went on google to search something it auto put I don’t wanna be alive anymore. I’m not sure what to do, I didn’t wanna make it seem like I was snooping. What should I tell him? He’s always happy and I never would suspect him having those thoughts. ",-0.006451612903227044,2.288669241935488,1.5163709677419348,97.99455645161294,90.45161290322581,3.1,17.427419354838708,3.1291,-0.9611354838709674,231,6,50,0,8,74,46,62,0.032,0.741,0.227,0.8963,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,13,14,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,4,0,10,4,6,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24391280360779485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907123454002701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740427793939273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264763033378847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120489390160346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321154193958874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956706917906964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22608471108307096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29468284885025026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668601898512085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22567057046420474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762774022711984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562139619863682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327174016077991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27174019705399066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082355481740357,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HoshToshMcGosh,2019/03/14,"Why am I posting here? Why am I reaching out? I know it's a sign that I want to live, but honestly I don't. Maybe I'm just attention seeking. I think what I want though is someone who will help me end this

​",0.10574468085106403,2.068952765957448,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,85.17021276595744,5.4621276595744686,24.293617021276606,6.742157984588678,0.6688076595744676,168,7,40,2,5,56,37,47,0.0,0.722,0.278,0.8723,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,25,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787268138193855,0.31258303420067746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278443209367363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242711585910978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137612054041593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715364837864346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25843899943361803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246371336745878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796438939642535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648333702507147,0.2527436871245157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034616700431557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642504721187128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31258303420067746,0.0
suicidewatch,r-vsalka,2019/03/14,"Slowly giving up I have no job, not future planned, no true friends and no energy to make new ones. I've been living with depression for so many years now, I'm just so tired, all I can do is sit and cry. I never wanted to live on past 18, I wish I had the courage and strength to end this nightmare of a life then. I don't really want to exist anymore",2.9648684210526355,3.2189752236842137,4.466947368421053,90.10963157894741,73.07894736842105,7.658947368421052,24.410526315789475,7.554174236665415,0.8711768421052629,271,7,64,3,5,91,60,76,0.206,0.5770000000000001,0.21600000000000005,0.2311,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,3,13,13,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,0,6,4,9,11,1,11,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,40,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271143556620024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515544858194505,0.0,0.0,0.1972442165723909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283307548145127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693097840229566,0.0,0.0,0.21968529842333295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22725505940589302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617550915959905,0.0,0.0,0.4044364407947259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528645886255541,0.2321781227381654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662505323591926,0.22117731053803905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551817174734676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186140063913901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670836042837668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632109565079985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27014965118521145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633478470297386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474736150727503
suicidewatch,bm96,2019/03/14,"Hold on tight to the things that make you happy everyday Even though I still would rather not be here and suicide being too hard to pull off, finding the little and big things that make me at least look forward to living and holding on to is the most relieving. Be it a video game, drawing, reading, a fun exercise, or just relaxing with headphones and music. Making small goals and chipping away towards them until you’re there or barely there, and feeling a great sense of achievement and makes you at least feel good about becoming a better version of yourself.

Life is never going to be perfect, for anyone. Living with depression or anxiety makes life a black hole and you can get sunken into it. But you can change your life cope and at least be somewhat or mostly content with it.

Recently for me going through the darkest most shit time of my life (suicidal in a psych ward, not showering or brushing my teeth for a week, heavy drinking etc) I realize more the light at the end of the tunnel is really just step by step, if possible, changing the things that you don’t look forward to.",11.336747572815533,7.882555854368931,9.918519417475727,69.81525485436893,58.41747572815535,12.824271844660196,42.254854368932044,10.411451182825502,4.3317592233009705,870,34,155,13,8,270,129,206,0.081,0.7959999999999999,0.123,0.8568,1,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,6,1,4,11,10,1,0,15,0,12,8,2,5,2,44,24,18,2,3,12,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,9,13,1,3,4,6,0,7,4,2,0,0,0,9,13,8,31,18,10,29,0,1,3,0,8,16,1,10,10,118,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630484071989537,0.0,0.0,0.08802460753513153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827698268781503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390346546962671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133870618865148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663480168072251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084281241516433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233234219879314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115004042832902,0.0,0.14039965846850122,0.08314858380469067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273066544614175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506038515400342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577187511891093,0.0,0.1430913886437092,0.10558983039961213,0.0,0.13879321146845028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401132095775278,0.1127719343227284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35567686512711605,0.0,0.12617398162634613,0.2223248183190455,0.0,0.2114303282769061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201598627810288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709345872519497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192108012881846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592319848948902,0.0,0.08064780095985166,0.0,0.1243003295860224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922338400154312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053522271627204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754045535872378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25090543464336634,0.0,0.12368543213441648,0.0,0.07340696471958542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098066745529226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942802679976537,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NewEnglandSynthOrch,2019/03/14,"Last night, I wondered what it would be like to take all my pills I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but last night, just before bed, I got so depressed that I wondered what it would be like if I took all my pills at once. I imagined I would die a peaceful, easy death. The feeling was so bad that it carried it over to today, and I fear that I may accidentally have infected one of my coworkers. Lemme tell you, were it not for: 1. A hug from one of my coworkers, and 2. The song ""Hello Sunshine"" by B-E-L-L-S, I might not be around today.",3.658372670807452,3.4634364521739163,5.182360248447207,87.1686956521739,71.43478260869566,8.310559006211179,28.60248447204969,7.957251820313856,1.5339440993788824,412,14,97,5,7,140,73,115,0.27,0.594,0.136,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,0,11,4,0,1,4,23,19,7,2,4,6,0,1,2,0,5,3,1,1,0,11,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,3,0,2,4,3,14,5,10,7,2,10,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,5,8,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156128680347228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215416329094355,0.0,0.0,0.14487278341550192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663867981281611,0.0,0.17669575908360474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915819847868984,0.08608504429856308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361668959386411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055418656218147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277557875318923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635405510557044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18061155325169134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31954185891644765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813139137510076,0.23073571004342344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046145994725108,0.0,0.1280090855496535,0.0,0.14880864689340562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227599185513417,0.0,0.18915737371858046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692642833248309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628285896519585,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TodayImALittleThor,2019/03/14,"What needs to be done before I end my life? I have finally set the 31st December 2019 as the day I end it. I’ve been unhappy for over a decade but kept going for other people, even though it’s not what I want. CBT, counseling and anti-depressants make no difference. 
Please don’t try to change my mind. I have the method sorted and arranged. I’d like to know what admin I need to do before leaving - ie a will, leaving passwords to internet accounts and bank accounts etc. any advice?",3.213750000000001,5.007999541666671,4.454583333333336,84.49875,74.41666666666666,7.716666666666668,25.541666666666664,8.472884824447931,1.778066666666667,380,13,74,7,8,125,69,96,0.067,0.861,0.07200000000000001,0.3668,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,1,0,13,15,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,8,1,9,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560632967547805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291651287275812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232484375155801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009304254573908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224950322517026,0.0,0.1635943032615476,0.0,0.0,0.19844597517883075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437368603742686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364594028500361,0.0,0.21183234963274605,0.12545301084143687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806904409986385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794679060921557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043855841978407,0.0,0.0,0.4022362491642996,0.0,0.0,0.1341596319958103,0.09279466977767467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678585108416834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178438618945454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28167493171649377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316798843494812,0.0,0.0,0.20849613844921305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866142410186355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895620836395602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203102613093527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pho3nixgamer,2019/03/14,"i don't know what to do with myself,please help im thinking of just ending it all, grades at school are awful, i go to a school about cars but i don't know anything about cars(basically don't have any skills and probly won't find a job) all my ""friends"" hate my, dad refuses to finance me and my mother and nothing hurts me more than seeing her cry and pay everything for the 2 of us  


please people of reddit, i don't wana end it but thats the only exit i have out of this mess of my life",4.377106918238994,3.7140960188679237,5.4377358490566055,87.54295597484278,69.9433962264151,8.19874213836478,25.213836477987428,7.1686216300943375,0.8598100628930814,382,8,89,3,6,127,70,106,0.156,0.768,0.076,-0.8584,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,1,9,1,0,0,2,16,15,6,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,2,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,13,1,15,14,3,7,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,0,2,56,18,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882600827832105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589335634529342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809144872144808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355760354506743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170256869315834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731451474799474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636122865987122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766337848019736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870332332369357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697794640284304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027999294101739,0.0,0.20462820381543345,0.0,0.1879904243687095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20822304388935095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338073985786087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181773229603034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440780055479333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133416145988222,0.0,0.0,0.4158974720569579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834477164081173,0.15095951884680342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138579682674334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278735469322121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MmWarmCock,2019/03/14,"Throwing in the towel I think its time to give up. I've genuinely tried my best and things really havent improved, I've tried every anti depressant, support group, exercise routine that you can think of. I'm just sad. Im 20, lost my job, dont have a college degree, dont have a high school diploma. I think it's time to stop dragging myself across nails. I'm just uncomfortable with what waits on the other side. ",4.042931726907632,5.225552590361449,5.017048192771085,83.73151606425706,71.28915662650601,7.9429718875502004,27.086345381526108,8.344100000000001,1.7616682730923698,327,11,65,5,6,107,61,83,0.209,0.711,0.08,-0.8415,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,15,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,8,14,1,10,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,34,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133782325185672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512450054801154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765934275226789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131103656565128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950489541983974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482522305553453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962711474490848,0.0,0.20176981341736527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195449294738265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025592736103256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577690181505426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998975165750682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073208637837986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350808481670585,0.3908495285251376,0.0,0.0,0.2371222066939737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760901954660089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,startledunicorn,2019/03/14,"Not sure what I expect from this I 27 used to resent my father for suicide when he was 29, I was 5 or 6 at the time, for the past 12 years I understand truly how bad things must've been for him, I am struggling with the same, except now I feel guilty for even thinking about leaving my kids with the same pain I had, I just want to feel okay again, but it's been so long and I have had so much help, I just can't seem to get better and nothing is helping, im not sure what to expect posting this, but it can't be any worse than sitting in silence repeatedly as everyone around me sleeps, thinking of ways to go, battling with my own thoughts trying not to leave. Shit is hard. ",7.8115617715617685,4.585755062937069,7.650454545454547,82.6623484848485,64.80419580419581,10.372494172494171,34.32284382284382,7.1686216300943375,2.1094438228438217,526,15,121,3,6,169,98,143,0.151,0.71,0.138,0.2501,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,10,3,1,4,1,13,3,2,2,2,31,24,10,1,3,9,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,7,3,15,4,22,16,4,15,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,2,8,82,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387747482752948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907350599242952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982079434756942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810337301331436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060471370925748,0.0,0.0,0.16001370618512653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934402759117242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749011810875594,0.0,0.09517048487784784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000986113609446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244877115791916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088384046372694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35462859666663504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819544098383242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231012140998843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606808800107923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818757626925955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985801979803302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037888620134488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244786541777036,0.0,0.0,0.17189367200293582,0.0,0.0,0.16757936652441607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506391021039325,0.0,0.1831723428705222,0.0,0.315655177064022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125193998898797,0.21460120060062804,0.0,0.13294328817070772,0.09764635722655908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369328174318807,0.0,0.0,0.17433013141967524,0.0,0.14463031718515038,0.0,0.0,0.09877132074118118,0.1329207072245261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065444659378948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078377386112242
suicidewatch,kkingcrimson,2019/03/14,"no reason to exist I feel like I have this battle with anxiety and depression, like I want to not be alive anymore but then my anxiety comes along and I start overthinking and I'm too scared to. I dont know, some days it's all unfeeling, where I don't want to exist anymore but I don't have the motivation to do anything about it. I'm just living in self hate and it's like i'm drowning and everything around me is fine but every second I'm awake is excruciating. I feel better when I think about dying, when I convince myself even for a short while that I'm almost at my end. It's kind of peaceful, knowing I don't have to deal with pain anymore and I'm almost there, I'm almost done with all of this. I don't enjoy living. I don't enjoy this world or what it has, and I don't enjoy daily social interactions. Why do I have to keep living if it's just going to be like this day after day. What's the point. I guess what's holding me back is that I'll cause a scene- I can't just fade away out of existence, I know my college will make a big deal out of it, my friends will probably just hate me, and I don't want my parents and siblings to cry. I know they'll get over it and one day I'll just be the kid in the family that used to exists and it hurts to think about a bit, but I don't want the huge initial outburst of people noticing- I don't want anyone to be affected. I know I'm not meant to be alive anyway- I can relate strongly to the post that says they're meant to die just like someone is meant to be a lawyer or a doctor or an actor. That's my purpose. I don't really contribute anything to the world, and even if I am it's nothing someone else couldn't do. If i didn't exist someone else would be filling all my jobs right now, no problem. I cause more harm that good. Socially I know I don't mean harm but I know I make people uncomfortable. I'm too quiet, too socially awkward, too serious, too introverted. I can see in their faces what they think of me. 

I don't know, i'm rambling at this point. I guess it feels kind of good to put this out there, in a way. I know the point of human existence is just simply to exist and survive, so do I really deserve to live if I've failed at this one basic function. idk.",1.1571704545454544,2.874986679166668,3.2916287878787887,90.89352272727274,80.125,6.196969696969697,21.325757575757574,7.1686216300943375,0.5096041666666666,1746,50,393,22,44,595,190,480,0.197,0.706,0.097,-0.9947,2,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,3,5,27,30,3,2,16,0,45,3,1,8,3,89,92,30,3,12,21,1,3,5,1,4,2,2,0,3,28,22,0,2,21,1,0,4,20,13,0,3,5,6,52,17,50,75,6,43,0,3,1,0,15,23,0,13,19,252,80,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894239374601288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115090651493746,0.0,0.21683808808465815,0.05096079087515352,0.0,0.11995135653742545,0.06488043428022207,0.0,0.0,0.06847504066055916,0.05604176133473557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644582086903996,0.07956827066948859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497397860782923,0.0,0.06278139190799714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800574576850125,0.1880114494419212,0.15027628908062302,0.06277316212596301,0.0,0.1512800244258038,0.0,0.0,0.07459781803298196,0.0,0.07458359284761443,0.08541716436144096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176712247432055,0.0,0.0645518218630855,0.0,0.0,0.09627575082671877,0.0,0.06140623064534705,0.0,0.06550164456339913,0.0,0.0687066658084988,0.0,0.11055399126490464,0.05206691728765832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056308454490356825,0.0,0.03807783831428956,0.0,0.041420521697850515,0.12225993199435675,0.0,0.0,0.16057548551585993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391177770693026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802169126618756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723241417970593,0.06478087272085822,0.0,0.15179078084372696,0.3604863838681193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803232552255768,0.0,0.2574245745586884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972986054735732,0.0,0.0,0.0793898670258346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993224722411694,0.08297664312666006,0.0,0.0,0.09877346245406607,0.0,0.07755158943049784,0.0,0.08092683898902951,0.0,0.0,0.10105440793721006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669115027507373,0.0,0.06980081213525625,0.0,0.07857912575703754,0.06973823364943521,0.0,0.07326654285246513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933801543532179,0.0749348372506341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062240832080838686,0.0,0.05795869381227407,0.07296759906563627,0.0,0.0580775200830353,0.0,0.07603182378481664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288207050089506,0.18525805311672816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515862566289693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009953344157156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294664988650203,0.0,0.0,0.21493846748477147,0.05785034136112328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576467136168279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177328362755372,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2fast4ugg,2019/03/14,"Should i do it? My grades are down.
My frends are shit(most of them).
I have axenty from bullying so i cant meet new people.
I cant find a girfriend.
My family is ok.",-2.373571428571428,-0.9744077222222174,1.1657142857142873,95.86500000000002,112.33333333333334,5.390476190476191,13.476190476190474,6.868970318607317,-0.04678095238095148,126,3,30,3,7,45,28,36,0.118,0.816,0.066,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,3,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604812570552095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464480902520455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717624663646139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386400740766288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014022239381347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bigboyadam21,2019/03/14,"17th of March 2019 I will commit suicide on the 17th of March 2019 by overdosing on alcohol and pills. That day will mark the death of my physical being however really I've been dead for many years. I feel really fucking sad about it. Not the fact that my life will end but the fact that this is what it has come to. I was never given a fair shot at life. My fucked up childhood determined my whole future for me. Even if I was somehow able to pull through and lived a full life I could never live normally and be happy. I wasn't made for this world. I am sad, alone and bitter. Yet extremely relieved.",2.3377496274217577,4.279766426229514,3.5338152011922515,89.48100596125187,77.36065573770493,7.387183308494784,21.746646795827125,8.296473431620573,1.1085803278688533,472,13,100,9,11,153,82,122,0.212,0.6920000000000001,0.096,-0.9475,1,1,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,6,0,13,7,0,1,5,18,19,6,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,6,2,12,2,15,7,2,18,0,2,0,2,0,6,2,2,10,68,20,0,0.1876158933829984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200504332389807,0.0,0.19431348355182448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161447950293278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979602442213522,0.0,0.0,0.1209967301564301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661719941898851,0.0,0.0,0.1239185281318382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486423292129133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34689574046070576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997206072095634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975559618726677,0.0,0.0,0.331336542279392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775266946815151,0.0,0.19021306841148325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28940188625983065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838237408893812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24038309096132765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522133606929344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094664448122988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081848410996182
suicidewatch,Jynxiandale,2019/03/14,"You don't know me but I'm not looking for ""help"" here, but I have nowhere else to go to talk about it, later tonight, when it gets dark, I'm going to hide and poison myself with methanol, I have no alternative methods as I can easily back out of anything else and it's hard to access anything ""easier""
Anyways, so, I live with my parents(who don't support me), and they like to play around with my living situation, I've been kicked out, became to stressed to go to my doctor to keep on getting the hormonal medication prescribed to me(I'm trans), and brought back, had that happen another time, and now I'm being forced to move once again, I have no where to go, housing workers have been no help, everywhere has ""waiting lists"" and I have given up. Again, I don't want help.. I wish it could be easy and I could have a doctor do it for me, but I don't qualify as o don't have cancer, etc. 3 hours from now is when I leave to do so, for now I'm just going to suffer the mental torment I am going through. Goodbye",4.393132664437012,4.639043318840578,5.38425120772947,84.82090301003346,69.91787439613526,8.108361204013377,28.96655518394649,7.882392219407189,1.6822659977703456,785,27,167,9,13,259,117,207,0.168,0.7340000000000001,0.098,-0.9087,1,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,1,1,17,6,1,1,3,0,25,5,0,0,0,25,47,16,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,13,0,2,1,1,0,8,9,3,0,0,5,2,21,3,31,38,1,27,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,0,14,116,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407784007400488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209613652336924,0.1195156916048698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646809593621132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438388461722416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748320017686401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243061720949303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973016185165905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402857188438397,0.0,0.4578023269054027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187215291614658,0.0,0.12026638926799832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699655172886066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221443880813452,0.1549126047737637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933229011015667,0.0,0.0,0.07378320848548321,0.0,0.0,0.1421569906447015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559036402547018,0.0,0.2370998006239433,0.0,0.11274064915319199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524810262982734,0.1352977774746841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269214993427512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429775258350533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509085959491778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378900648227534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523513372460445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079093344164189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828535217532914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918726154940084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438698328667022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Appreciations,2019/03/14,"I can't believe I feel like this again. I had felt suicidal for a long time during my teens due to my parents custody battle and that my mom eventually went to jail for only six months with time served when she killed my infant brother. Yeah, I still can't believe it either.

Fast forward about 10 years later and shit is good. Shit is cash money, even. I know, high praise. I have a nice apartment, nice girlfriend, pets and we have a baby on the way. He's born and he is incredible.

I lose my job due to downsizing and she says why don't we move back to the state where most of our family is?

After last week where she takes my child from me randomly, kidnaps him but the police won't do anything and files for custody and child support 7 hours away after... man. I'm gonna go through almost exactly what my dad did.

I think suicide isn't all that bad. My words will pass or maybe not even be read. They'll be glossed by and everything will just continue as it should. 

I evidently missed my child's first steps today from what my mutual friends have told me. She was posting them on Facebook and hadn't decided to tell me.

The only reason I'd consider not killing myself is my son and my cat but if the courts are going to side with the mom anyways, why prolong it? Who even knows if my cat likes me, lmao.

Life is fucking awesome sometimes and I can see the beauty in it but maybe it just isn't for me. I won't be missed. He won't remember me. I did however have some great times and it's weird, I have this peaceful kind of aura that feels like its washed over me the last few days. I think I've come to terms with my luck & that everything will be ok when I am gone.",2.8100663669449837,4.15222562427746,3.765581245985871,90.88981267394564,74.5491329479769,6.975636908584888,24.086491115392853,7.526774132740827,0.8836196959965749,1310,39,290,16,27,421,200,346,0.085,0.747,0.168,0.9895,3,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,3,0,2,3,14,24,6,0,11,2,37,5,2,1,2,48,58,21,4,3,11,6,3,3,2,9,2,1,1,5,16,18,0,0,10,1,2,9,11,11,0,2,9,5,47,13,29,36,6,49,1,3,1,1,31,11,3,8,31,179,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428967779180584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128448554380933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857053408657587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785094341603133,0.08008376722963399,0.08695964659843464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346793878998923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897147101762517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716716603391512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636730454489652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720391120620108,0.0,0.09818193612558113,0.0,0.10532122107872942,0.1488074173659128,0.09999889195765324,0.0,0.0,0.08858866026836397,0.0,0.0,0.08046487217865478,0.09628360934158653,0.0,0.0,0.11837998446792808,0.08735481988927345,0.0,0.11482408811336485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003860762018786,0.0,0.0,0.10256529265595188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033513151409246,0.0,0.2304497670999719,0.1084546351789888,0.11447458295217752,0.16978985482786502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356316506611879,0.15264508798721765,0.0,0.0,0.09216814448513587,0.0,0.11651553052031532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926233203777814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243954927186541,0.08313033847665474,0.1106933724459106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841925360043865,0.0,0.0,0.11564458328704467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974547298916812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041766833254706,0.0,0.0,0.1070820031498677,0.0,0.0,0.117979947127803,0.0,0.0,0.08282306682818119,0.0,0.0,0.08299286976052603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138138756775327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300552884080462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317312604510249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784310841536576,0.1181864827474863,0.0,0.0,0.07830671000471383,0.0,0.0910303788863158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346830599060175,0.0,0.0,0.18218948237995813,0.0,0.09872059953643418,0.09951835423116552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826682310009328,0.0835416439677137,0.0,0.0,0.09654670223546596,0.18795564264315895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670682188823471
suicidewatch,jaade1234,2019/03/14,"i think i’ve finally reached the end my life has been going downhill since October,  i was hospitalized because of an ex who hurt me so bad mentally and physically my liver and kidneys were failing. My mom doesn’t care she won’t get me any kind of help, she told me she doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. My new boyfriend might be moving countries and just after i thought i found someone normal he might be moving away. He told me he wants to break up sooner than later incase he does move but i don’t think i can handle it at this point. I’ve lost all my friends and i’m failing all my classes in school my mom told me i should just drop out at this point. No one cares and if i do talk about anything no one takes me serious. I just want to die already i have zero strength left in me i hope i just never wake up again ",1.5752586206896562,3.409694959770121,2.960445402298852,93.20721982758621,79.28735632183907,5.729310344827588,23.518678160919546,6.6274283507984215,0.5254264367816095,649,22,145,6,16,211,108,174,0.149,0.7240000000000001,0.127,-0.624,0,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,4,7,12,0,0,2,0,16,4,3,0,3,28,34,8,1,7,6,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,7,6,0,3,9,0,29,6,17,19,2,24,0,4,0,0,18,11,0,4,7,90,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227359848570774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151205790622916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887350316694476,0.0,0.0,0.09863837636077986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126167644446534,0.0,0.10008195828556284,0.07306836516332782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444199552076003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357516903788406,0.0,0.0,0.12440056049324175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489434440216053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616448339570746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130584189585742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142537861344494,0.0926071148612768,0.0,0.06262432130941252,0.0,0.0681218308192735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034273403582863,0.0,0.0,0.11905262220453636,0.0,0.0,0.12831756421224974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482056561226736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023326989274175,0.0,0.08466393212819018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084640174612622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079535335247822,0.25431485817873445,0.0,0.28076800908572713,0.0,0.38219139280009395,0.0,0.0,0.09244699113801813,0.11576600540314826,0.0,0.0,0.11744188653767418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624467491697221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266216357451994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213094035962982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915325957683492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156091099306984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012328350829006,0.09634264822495743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536088284061241,0.0,0.0951591262453561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436073684661455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209779092634687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Madnomadin,2019/03/14,indirect suicide Im slowly killing myself by mistreating my body and not doing checkups to someday become terminally ill. That way my family / friends wont have so much guilt when i pass away and i will do it with a clear concius!,3.8734090909090932,6.231544068181822,5.0590909090909095,78.38363636363641,74.22727272727272,8.036363636363637,31.45454545454545,8.841846274778883,2.998063636363636,185,9,32,4,4,61,40,44,0.271,0.622,0.107,-0.8648,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,6,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035555722130433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568297330949432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35888237928469274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30458238583218794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496200799351639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489948059407227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574534310873779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375097975347979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35341021116048604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256455393165038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TechnicalityNoDown,2019/03/14,"I genuinely can't find a way in which my life is a positive thing for other people My partner said to me last night that they believe all men are rapists, myself included. I don't think I've ever raped anyone, but I keep going over my head and I feel like I can't be sure I haven't done something wrong in a way that breached consent. I told myself a long time ago if I ever made someone hurt in that way I'd kill myself. I've been obsessing over their comments for a few days now, and the more I think about it the more I feel like — from a moral, ethical stand-point — It's inherently selfish of me to NOT kill myself. I'm a cisgender white man and I feel like my existence is making the world unsafe for people that aren't me. I think killing myself would make people really happy, but I'm scared that I'm wrong and that it would just make people sad and I don't know what to do. I care very deeply about being a good person but what if the truth of the matter is that there is a core of evil in me that simply cannot be cut out?",4.332895927601811,4.009352877828057,5.3495022624434405,86.9881447963801,69.99547511312218,8.4289592760181,25.14479638009049,7.882392219407189,1.0892552036199097,810,18,184,9,13,268,118,221,0.185,0.62,0.195,-0.382,1,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,22,7,2,14,0,20,4,1,4,5,34,39,10,3,4,7,0,3,3,1,2,1,1,0,4,16,6,0,1,8,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,5,5,29,8,19,29,4,21,1,2,1,2,9,8,0,2,12,118,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249355376103388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084687411707868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026846817898982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788620614023343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456780852772979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832332737776352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209176757462417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538865589490196,0.24780507339057145,0.0,0.0,0.10567809087584594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571169022422985,0.0969797874185816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230837228261512,0.0,0.0,0.11866341262314176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237777072112608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277177751986652,0.383761928403241,0.0,0.06354383612492671,0.0942488579789294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166853436356579,0.16946389680907367,0.0,0.0,0.10232345588100934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940606874630053,0.23153942393949095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850513697272897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320636036339808,0.10095827327367356,0.0,0.0,0.1093018974027892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407158969062255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099847450808486,0.0,0.11575963000137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796770054187977,0.08901287737949436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897409653596003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768153385661967,0.22226125516302772,0.0,0.0,0.06742118825843728,0.0,0.0,0.11048352969897933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540177333306957,0.0,0.2753304561409248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427171055170708,0.2528330262064341,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bbygirlx0,2019/03/14,"tips on how to NOT kill myself? long story short im 20, broke, in school struggling with the stress and pressure of it, been depressed my entire life as far as I can remember, have saved myself many, many times. life sucks and im trying to stick around for at least a little longer. last goal was 20 (decided when i was 17 that was my goal). didnt think id make it. came really close once but didnt work. new goal is 21. 8 months to go and struggling really fucking bad, any tips on things that help? im open to anything but have tried alot of shit that doesnt work, wont go on meds bc i cant afford it. just need some support from people who understand. ",0.9276746611053176,2.978337518248175,2.1797132429614194,96.86454379562043,82.57664233576642,5.374139728884256,17.084984358706986,6.5431188927421005,-0.3785366006256514,508,10,117,5,14,162,95,137,0.175,0.748,0.077,-0.9246,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,5,4,13,4,4,3,0,13,4,1,2,0,22,23,9,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,11,0,0,7,0,7,2,17,15,3,20,0,2,0,1,2,11,3,2,6,59,15,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095049742372944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502043381070293,0.1244266994914656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670376868862622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986191446430414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038540534796055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921694731575456,0.0,0.0,0.1588712795545898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368621487177398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529331844127688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546369917887122,0.0,0.0,0.1139328223987014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745017225113926,0.0,0.14008824777979526,0.0,0.12369380782012974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329888492970123,0.28341370818854184,0.0,0.0,0.15525516532248554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156466444013076,0.0,0.0,0.1036391553831678,0.0,0.1349926535013072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488526017146568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690029504414237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790830245369737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583344113975197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145671027602005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347393340222386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601083358821599,0.29224005167834066,0.0,0.0,0.1586115915164407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285829572932533,0.08956024385378747,0.0,0.0,0.08150216811619347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979200505791555,0.0,0.0,0.14550756507709153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351133862908596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,man6755,2019/03/14,If i kill myself will it really affect a lot of people who know me? Nobody love me but people are surprised that someone around them comited suicide but they will not care and that will not change their life at all ,8.358571428571429,6.869667714285715,7.4904761904761905,78.76285714285717,62.33333333333334,9.352380952380953,30.523809523809533,7.1686216300943375,1.840723809523809,172,4,32,1,2,53,35,42,0.239,0.667,0.094,-0.8622,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,11,7,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,3,4,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,0,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713772212147809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108104131887129,0.0,0.3224862310769448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337266497465136,0.0,0.16753517318294475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153214675503359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591688336539213,0.2751350622470432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226831204467564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529190183540854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582946935144236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33345161556828073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordOfPizzas,2019/03/14,"I have a question I've been severely depressed for nearly 2 years, sometimes suicidal, but if i was really suffering, why haven't i killed myself yet?",12.923928571428569,8.55186353571429,12.608571428571427,54.5364285714286,56.5,16.914285714285715,49.42857142857143,14.554592549557764,7.1312428571428566,121,6,19,4,1,41,24,28,0.355,0.494,0.151,-0.6813,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,2,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29876331964633657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38376629520317207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38857989387365066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221729763806045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918705280574905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430686928967948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794254457467414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31300114357852715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337641916720266
suicidewatch,Zreull,2019/03/14,"Can’t get out I passed my driving licence today and I am 100% i failed. It will be the second time. 
I left air force after 8 months because the speciality wasn’t for me. I have a useless degree which costed me the last few of my mental health. 
I am currently left with nothing in my narcisstistic mother house and you understand I feel a little bit... yes you get it.
I also mutilated myself for the first time since years. Not proud. 
It’s just this feeling of trying so hard to change but always getting at the « back with nothing » point. 
It’s the worst 
But hey i always get this right ? Um..",1.1852179176755442,3.6601230423728808,2.897142857142857,89.3037288135593,85.52542372881356,5.06634382566586,19.445520581113804,6.5431188927421005,0.2335791767554478,461,13,92,5,14,152,82,118,0.116,0.856,0.027000000000000003,-0.8716,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,4,5,0,0,8,1,7,1,0,0,0,12,14,6,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,3,1,2,1,3,17,2,11,11,3,21,0,2,0,0,4,9,0,0,10,63,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652304849455246,0.2841019489870223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312715326429254,0.0,0.10406805151920424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637973881910969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059690914703444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726402064876036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521256442477073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35677224100007904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529297121964878,0.0,0.0,0.1814651519391044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698554357417475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915787956479925,0.0,0.0,0.3709710107901644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711041919488751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204349690685833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626540456899902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276168719766421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138360295444468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579215973282555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121961676402636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990939688177609,0.0,0.1618206142502846,0.0,0.0,0.11590625258885982,0.0,0.0,0.1777233618061926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099367348575359
suicidewatch,shouldiknowwhatname,2019/03/14,"Giving Up I don’t think I have depression. I just know I hate myself and decisions I’ve made. The world is out to make me suffer for wrong decisions. It’s been three years. Life keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like this has to be the worst of it and then something else happens. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could disappear. Cease to exist.  
I try to talk to people about how badly I feel emotionally. It seems as though no one ever hears me. They already have their opinions. No one asks how I am even after I tell them how I struggle. What’s the point of all of this? 
",0.27986338797813914,2.5867591721311456,1.896754098360656,95.95015846994535,88.4262295081967,4.892677595628415,17.969398907103823,6.42735559955562,-0.1802706010928965,457,12,102,5,15,148,80,122,0.271,0.6709999999999999,0.057,-0.9806,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,8,8,1,1,3,0,11,1,0,5,2,24,27,9,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,3,2,3,19,1,15,23,2,9,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,2,5,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885389761468796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943886636992242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972317176085996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265393972761367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641109091119905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715422262336936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272457880038938,0.19218504080565496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128458627108684,0.1545450430258279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727753930876048,0.12205640879594433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926290323042521,0.16389641163143484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108349525876755,0.0,0.0,0.16868057190042005,0.0,0.0,0.19256215709249785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186074180829842,0.0,0.0,0.18779112951337135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206775294749589,0.08346945598035127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616639038371326,0.11404476185277025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315469157676064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844697908339487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150997502629993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555368692216847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315298997015798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786111759138918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732403490614287,0.14933181873423218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947479907693608,0.16786081801176045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159970134407214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964708947244416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482247294078959,0.0,0.18679939103867269,0.0,0.11002282125480682
suicidewatch,gaaxure,2019/03/14,"I'm not depressed   

but I'm something. I don't know how to classify it, I don't even know why I'm posting it here or what I'm expecting to get from it. I guess writing about it helps too...  
 

I'm at a point in my life where I don't have any high goals to reach, not that I achieved everything anyone could ever want, it's just that I don't see the point. I don't crave for social advancement. I'm content with the ""status"" I have. Any fulfilling career I could have had in my field, has long since passed me by - no one hires a 28-year-old that hasn't had stable work in the industry for 4 years. And I wasn't that good to begin with. Maybe it was my fault, I always went out of my way to avoid serious responsibilities that come with ""the career"". Now I'm in a job with little prospect of advancement, or growth. I'd love for it to have turned out differently (maybe if I'd put a little more effort into it it would), but now it's all spilled milk, there's no going back. Materially speaking I'm not wanting, I can support myself, but that's not what I'm lacking, or seeking.  
 

Love life? Nothing of consequence. Never really had what you'd call a girlfriend. I'd go out with girls, we'd have fun, a week, a month, maybe a bit more... Then nothing. Apparently, I'm not a boyfriend material. I've given up on that too.   
 

For a while I lived like a there was no tomorrow. I'd go out drink all night, party. It used to be fun. Somewhat filled the hole. Then the tomorrow came... DUI, crashed my car, almost killed three of my friends and myself in the process. In the end we all came out of the incident relatively unharmed. Thankfully I didn't get the jail sentence, but shit went downhill after that. I realized I couldn't keep living like that anymore, but couldn't find anything to substitute the ""wild life"".  
 

I feel like I'm just going through the motions every single day. Don't particularly look forward to anything. I'm feeling distant from my family as time passes, they may not feel the same way, but regardless, that's how I feel. I don't put any blame on them, we all have our lives and they are doing best they can in regards of their relationship with me. I'm just having trouble relaying my issues to them and I don't think they'd understand the severity of it anyway.  
 

One thing I got going for me at this point, is that I'm not suicidal. I know that for sure. I just don't know what I'm living for at this point. I simply keep on existing. I feel like everything worth living for has passed me by, or is otherwise out of my reach.  The line ""I don't want to die, but I ain't keen on living either"" sums it up the best.

Sorry if I violated any rules. This sub was the closest I could find to air all of this out. ",2.1835833333333348,3.859580953571431,3.8153571428571422,88.4879761904762,76.96428571428572,7.095238095238094,23.809523809523807,7.9370924344782425,1.1276666666666657,2114,68,462,34,48,705,242,560,0.083,0.755,0.162,0.9929,3,1,2,0,0,1,88.0,4,1,7,8,19,24,3,1,28,0,46,8,1,3,8,94,101,23,3,14,25,0,5,4,2,2,3,1,0,1,34,23,2,3,14,1,1,22,27,8,0,3,14,8,56,16,67,76,15,79,0,1,2,2,23,35,1,10,25,294,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220946320155226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600027212564253,0.0,0.0,0.1961537483080094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151544145629501,0.05042218581509976,0.0,0.11868358956438838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055449455451901816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135358592166342,0.0,0.07872731289653517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363412067644808,0.16495317583729505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062117854808627825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272600310162814,0.0,0.0,0.04650608868272507,0.0,0.06210971200723451,0.0,0.07484057223913454,0.07534139099970141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706420246900581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386957307349503,0.0,0.0,0.04762910577237421,0.06522917211181321,0.06075722763781057,0.0,0.12961871417818258,0.0,0.06798050443563984,0.0,0.1823092418841621,0.1030332431350764,0.0,0.0,0.1318175969799497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055713329925147236,0.0,0.07535078659293469,0.0,0.20491373914544828,0.06048388283320912,0.05767432373548216,0.0,0.07943918087796119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048334960603530916,0.07618998309269219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526589227211039,0.07155974728773204,0.1281924061813572,0.07978092525336762,0.0,0.15852284445062856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152803904661665,0.14092056021005686,0.14454975999877034,0.38205577784997696,0.06381659602823793,0.06055567640600314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016727128659486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173377219783713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755888065112263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561699795501603,0.0,0.0,0.06767195687008068,0.0,0.13838626534036486,0.0,0.07566911140426773,0.0,0.09772952483529714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726755061824795,0.0,0.06906308671996564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498437619570545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619660932829338,0.0,0.0,0.07742099179265816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057463698247563214,0.0,0.0,0.08146570894507761,0.0740216362473562,0.059651553471167136,0.0,0.0,0.07350880929341831,0.0,0.05551511907146734,0.0,0.08072315787749193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887850888604109,0.08183151638374363,0.06796443529296642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639077603232532,0.0,0.0,0.04790781730194769,0.04620627340148479,0.0,0.0,0.04204891926085744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843683541822215,0.0,0.07507083550277878,0.0,0.062281366174061985,0.0,0.0,0.12760006852578828,0.11447784115923895,0.0578436657741576,0.0,0.0,0.13369655923610246,0.06506960395476301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052498185290503915,0.0,0.0,0.051226091324245215,0.0,0.0,0.09287515669664888
suicidewatch,muozzin,2019/03/14,"Just turned 20 I’m crazy and can’t handle the psychotic nature of my life My boyfriend told me he’s going away for the weekend with friends he hasn’t seen in a long time. I’ve never had a real birthday party, he’s not going anymore because of that. I went insane and cried all day so my birthday was ruined. I only have one friend so I had her cancel it, everything were doing requires at least 3. I’m just gonna off myself. I’m so insane and nothing goes right for me. Cutting is just making me uglier and I’m so scared of death, I might as well get it over with. 

My last feelings are intense and hard to understand. If anyone who knows me sees this, I’m sorry for everything I’ve unloaded and that all your mental effort went to waste",0.6784920634920653,3.0003784220779264,2.6116017316017337,91.57708513708515,86.20779220779221,4.720923520923521,19.594516594516595,6.139981653823899,0.08867070707070734,583,17,119,5,18,194,102,154,0.206,0.718,0.075,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,8,6,1,1,4,0,11,1,0,1,3,23,30,12,1,1,5,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,3,1,0,4,4,3,1,1,8,4,15,3,16,20,3,16,0,1,2,0,9,6,0,2,6,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353413113198415,0.12235078225093712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440040756056853,0.0,0.0,0.10666679221226594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192208409731692,0.11284826783647454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145232761668981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847565013503535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27037976985539464,0.0,0.09142034933467852,0.0,0.1988914671041654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567486043585063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616498030401607,0.14263286770098518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359425362815588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485267682125592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680117485599298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633968992538507,0.18562718676685036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495613282610167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789898676019827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857165272900748,0.1330809338578449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991666838395518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943281613693946,0.0,0.0,0.17518650459182952,0.0,0.1394372004697126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587690125721086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020328270424114,0.0,0.0,0.1672018421508665,0.0,0.0,0.19032907866984156,0.0,0.1821613898627499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732893149595809,0.3244182762480965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrSkullinton,2019/03/14,"I feel worthless. I don’t know if this is the right place to post but I just need somebody to talk to right now and the empty void of Reddit will do.

I’m a 16-year-old male currently in high school. I am really not Ok right now. I think it will probably pass but right now I am not okay. I feel like I’m rotting.....My hairline is receding, I have terrible grades, I am an ugly, weak, skinny, pathetic human being. I fuck up everything. I feel like everyone hates me or at the least dislikes me. I try to be energetic and happy in public but I feel like I just annoy people but when I’m silent I seem rude. I try to be ""funny"" but I always feel like an asshole. I feel like every interaction is fucked up...I fuck it up. I just want people to like me. But that’s really hard to do when everyone responds to different ways interaction and I don’t know what they want from me. I suck at school most teachers know that I will probably fail high school. Thus any chances of me ever making a friend with any of my schoolmates are gone. I mean I do talk to people that sit next to me quite often but every single conversation feels empty, every single one I manage to somehow annoy the person sitting next to me. I’m just so pathetic, wanting attention like a fucking child. Every time I talk I become super energetic and full of adrenaline and say dumb shit because I'm nervous and am socially very anxious and I know it looks desperate because it is. I just want people to know that I am not OK I just want to have a deep conversation with one person who is not my therapist. Oh yeah I feel like even my therapist has problems with me, every time I go to him it’s like I have first world problems, he has said that I shouldn’t compare my pain and that he enjoys talking to me but If I really was depressed/ suicidal/ mentally not ok then I would not forget at times. At times I am happy. I think I might be subconsciously pretending to be in pain for attention. Otherwise, I would have done something to myself by now, but I’m too much of a wuss to do the deed so now I am just a guy who is anxious but not depressed enough to kill myself. I might go bald even, which is the cherry on top. My corners have receded in the past couple of years but I don’t know for sure if I will go bald, everyone seems to say it’s fine and could just be a mature hairline but if I look really up close my hair is clearly less dense in the corners of my hairline. And I feel like it gets worse every day, and I don't wanna use rogaine or whatever, and It gives me anxiety and occasional panic attacks. And I can’t handle going bald at this point in time even if potentially, I can’t handle the comments I will probably get. Just hearing girls talk about what they think of it. I know people who are bald are doing fine. But at this age, where I somewhat have started feeling a bit more confident about my appearance... I just can’t. I know it’s pathetic but I just want someone to just hug me, someone that is not my most probably manic depressive mother. I just want someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay and that I’m ok, that I’m a good person. So I feel that if my hairline recedes further, I will not have that, no girl will want me, even just platonically. But I can’t be sure if what I feel is just normal and I am complaining about going bald and bad grades while other people have real problems and don’t just feel a bit sad some of the time like me. I am just such a fucking attention seeker, even my motivation for suicide I just so that people can see that I am not hurting...but it’s fine I won’t do it because I even pussy out at suicide. Cause when you’re dead everybody likes you. I feel like such a fucking asshole. I just don’t know what to do to get anyone to like me, how the fuck do you show people that you want them to talk to you.

Wow, I wrote a fuck ton. I’m sorry if you had to read this...but hey at least I’m not crying anymore. I know my post is beyond all over the place but I was just writing as I was thinking. I tried to post on r/offmychest and broke some rules so I hope I did not break any here and I hope this post qualifies. Sorry for the grammar as well, English is not my first language. I know my problems are atoms compared to other peoples, but I promise I'm not doing this for attention...I mean I am, but what I just needed something/someone to talk to. This was very hard to write, emotinally I mean.",2.0426188524590145,3.7758339224043738,3.881772540983608,87.6036424180328,77.53551912568307,6.891939890710383,24.005806010928964,7.778938585908118,1.175852732240437,3449,115,731,53,80,1164,320,915,0.232,0.645,0.123,-0.999,2,0,2,0,0,3,102.0,0,5,3,7,54,73,17,2,28,7,86,20,8,6,5,174,175,61,5,31,63,1,17,14,1,14,3,4,0,9,44,25,1,0,38,3,0,8,27,36,1,4,10,24,122,37,81,142,18,83,0,7,3,9,51,40,11,24,41,496,166,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032557345753813687,0.0,0.0,0.07982444717730051,0.0,0.02993255113175065,0.08840623217302587,0.03880412263768605,0.027358968107958164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451335941721942,0.0,0.0,0.032669959912586075,0.07155557110362239,0.043213423953273454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543453672000588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019488278591336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031240250919185437,0.04329400915290808,0.0429798948170635,0.025234102340631184,0.0,0.1011017830265219,0.0,0.0,0.040880074519751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400411787778926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404293300056418,0.0,0.15506069379246018,0.035393206594807776,0.19780043562963004,0.11216446146495417,0.03516541587863356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769776722452838,0.22362245249176751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656393149898693,0.0,0.0,0.030229931367905707,0.2893831132460332,0.0613277588222377,0.037534814727442176,0.11118574816889236,0.03281842297649255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387425328789464,0.0,0.0833042386408869,0.07010139189491743,0.03863046146879101,0.0,0.0,0.04409971406962308,0.0,0.0,0.08268103747912514,0.0,0.07772518566858462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328895612805081,0.0,0.23653891204621494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26762116072044395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571475602517557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02611801542309045,0.0,0.0,0.12786447008108595,0.0,0.0,0.03943147615469283,0.08301652329951252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028763330580404527,0.05802532497088681,0.0,0.0,0.0832254159607742,0.0,0.03833679707082402,0.0,0.0,0.04105789489687156,0.0,0.05302782713505634,0.0,0.08326917324138032,0.0459078759216566,0.0,0.0,0.03735177677166383,0.2441357216792759,0.10249428474113896,0.08176014903950309,0.0,0.03698828381233003,0.0,0.1498939212145657,0.0,0.16874493182845826,0.14975953689529434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161708040538767,0.03913824631539572,0.04453584072849153,0.10026471807020218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336592239381972,0.037219362726025135,0.06223176792815587,0.0,0.1187978359057295,0.031179677404020983,0.07124070028635841,0.0,0.0,0.04016397846806221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039885719680766915,0.13261094997210682,0.030122382590778807,0.0,0.08760041899185578,0.027694757590762467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839792092295016,0.0,0.07375470886860344,0.0,0.0,0.220145304559358,0.034199297552078525,0.0,0.0,0.09086045297552292,0.0,0.10028569289038998,0.0,0.0,0.1368939115710524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969533374943691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03379373351890566,0.0,0.06456883095522745,0.20770655708017,0.031057713531387518,0.0,0.0,0.035180463418933994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039874426083323006,0.055590330969573984,0.0,0.0,0.05039385756506215
suicidewatch,unironicirony01,2019/03/14,"Trying to convince myself things will get better. I just tried to end my own life. I’ve been dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD and addiction for the past 5 years. I spend my life jumping between the usual low moods of depression, and the point of wanting to kill myself. I recently just overcame my addiction to Ketamine, opioids and alcohol. I’ve felt to put in the best way ‘meh’ for the past few days. I’ve been actively trying to break my cycle of substance abuse, but now I have nothing to numb the pain. Tonight it just got so bad, I’ve been at my doctor no longer than 12 hours ago, and got a prescription for Xanax and lexapro. The past few weeks prior to my sobriety were a whirlwind. I forced away my best friend because I was worried if I do die, I didn’t want to hurt her as badly. But tonight the thoughts just got so bad. I hung up my belt and stood on my drum throne and stood there for about 10 minutes. In the past when I’ve wanted to end my life I’ve left notes, this time I tried to write something but all I could write was ‘I’m sorry’. This was the closest I’d ever come and I scared myself. My jumps between meh and suicidal happen like in the bat of an eyelid and I was meh again as I stood there. I took myself down and considered going to hospital, but I’m living in a country where mental health assistance and suicide prevention is fucking useless. No hospitals generally are able to help with suicidal patients. I’m worried about the stress that I do cause my friends and family. my best friend texts me all the time just to make sure I’m still breathing and I feel such a burden. I wish I could end all the worrying for them, but I’ve lost friends to suicide and I know what it does, but I’m at a point where it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. And that it will be better if I’m gone. ",3.3866027874564466,4.7086360758807615,4.259669957413859,87.99533536585365,73.0650406504065,7.439450251645375,26.99970963995355,7.957251820313856,1.5201644599303132,1428,51,299,20,28,460,186,369,0.244,0.625,0.131,-0.9953,0,0,3,0,1,5,33.0,0,0,1,6,19,29,2,2,20,0,20,13,1,2,5,55,50,29,6,8,13,0,2,1,4,2,11,0,0,0,10,19,1,1,5,1,1,7,4,16,0,0,20,2,40,12,44,25,9,50,0,6,0,1,10,17,1,3,25,186,50,1,0.07858445755417635,0.09310973197610453,0.0,0.17133731647129286,0.09444324670559748,0.0,0.06966038010693047,0.0839828860657873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060116894933825785,0.0,0.07793466562008429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383268471430407,0.0,0.19684421874825697,0.04790435593046154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474086197820829,0.1390031332169267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072788499323845,0.0,0.06769355183951288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254865897630012,0.0,0.0,0.05068047399247552,0.08101712510640408,0.13536935628095687,0.0,0.08155826005544851,0.0,0.0,0.08043452221528345,0.06876978837697399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880751287072807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108414090285413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408243274445868,0.0,0.03973466293814673,0.0,0.07545340294061541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428566278767249,0.07265006471575729,0.04105713561818323,0.0,0.04466135820757342,0.0,0.18855350859867945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949197628600158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353160360518501,0.0,0.0,0.05267350540929296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773898610573494,0.0,0.08412628713415586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694205902765692,0.0,0.043187962710663295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538224306763216,0.0,0.1665195791670787,0.038392396506695306,0.0,0.06939151575434165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578421848436933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245573563572623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919464995293515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754039064577728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361940345386494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30007102700871585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857542626025555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899908501476649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759267133515016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867675118119276,0.0,0.0,0.07154033873150686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049815471443384,0.0,0.08796886642759917,0.0,0.0,0.06275764931444734,0.0,0.09001823061914202,0.0,0.0,0.3438345671627452,0.0,0.07406492123595712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220802173607685,0.0,0.0,0.062387281328926465,0.091646458318615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873102238398721,0.2134147530400568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654967766738758,0.0,0.13905344735562433,0.062376684601092434,0.06303571170855264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036824792606256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394189936798353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050605814172242206
suicidewatch,IllBeQuick28,2019/03/14,I'm honestly not a good person and don't enjoy being alive. My death shouldn't be a tragic thing at all I'm gonna need people to stop loving me. The only reason I have neither killed myself nor told my family/friends about the awful shit I've done is because I'm not trying to hurt them. But on a personal level I don't really enjoy existing and would prefer to not do it anymore. It's not even like I'm an asset to society where you could make the egalitarian argument that the benefit of me living is greater than my own pain. This whole situation is ass,6.345804597701148,5.275832775862072,8.02241379310345,71.98063218390806,66.06896551724138,11.1816091954023,30.540229885057467,10.504223727775694,3.0266712643678164,446,13,87,10,6,158,84,116,0.247,0.581,0.172,-0.8485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,3,12,2,0,8,1,13,4,2,2,1,16,22,4,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,2,0,10,7,9,14,5,5,0,2,0,2,6,4,2,0,2,60,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056048754383369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637982155527527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552746106063065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215945666137376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693233461409865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017425085064008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388945579744147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193942387109414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936790803561544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128565816934842,0.0,0.1830665960985665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711361528393927,0.0,0.1383871337048556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537245130408085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767554573024642,0.2206021786911895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437289855759547,0.3620461472458286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328139477740888,0.21315860163220213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281011471739872,0.0,0.23303539614735616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332808154053025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377336223941119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810231972373785,0.0,0.1407560851335595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314644124964708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727356653948495,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bacondougnut7,2019/03/14,"I fucking hate myself Using a throwaway account bc friends follow my main. I’m think I’m depressed, I haven’t been going to school and I’ve started to hate my friends and family. I’ve stopped trying. I don’t give a shit anymore, last month I lost my dog. I know it was just a dog but I’d had her for 12 years. She was my best friend, and now she’s gone. I don’t have shit anymore. I started growing plants to try to focus on other things and last weekend my parents destroyed them. Everyone I know has told me they are just plants and I can restart later In life, but that was the last thing I had. It doesn’t matter if I die. I have no skills. My grades are shit and I’m generally just a terrible person. I’m fake and i can never tell the truth. Today I woke up at 1:00 in the afternoon, the first thing I did was look up a discrete way to kill myself. I know it’s selfish but I don’t see a future for myself here. I’m a waste of air. ",-1.025084033613446,1.0635488725490203,1.3651540616246507,98.25176470588237,94.58823529411764,3.8946778711484598,18.07002801120448,5.543175910156928,-0.5088383753501393,726,22,170,5,28,244,111,204,0.273,0.647,0.079,-0.9925,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,2,4,5,18,8,0,11,0,20,5,3,1,2,24,44,11,2,1,7,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,4,1,1,4,7,13,0,1,12,2,32,5,14,32,2,28,0,2,2,1,13,7,4,1,16,106,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545157849062144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466279426787875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110520901360029,0.0,0.13317478434300353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261423103108887,0.0,0.0,0.12096766161564593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914801134721908,0.0,0.0,0.2974166475145817,0.1186287776915353,0.0,0.12309520461089282,0.0729266017165588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337674333782895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196587756375748,0.0,0.21156217468209812,0.3137911490915598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063545098267424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775557835589623,0.0,0.14007526385337324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242294103851947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896746493062598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424829797698879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204313509357744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986560188041155,0.1022535690563442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951525950039387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816495899627581,0.0,0.0,0.10728036634716592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215639561007598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557481742848581,0.08222158531704671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163133617514385,0.12261423103108887,0.0,0.1742402528720095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108263507434969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185358925183548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263318006427038
suicidewatch,TheEwFighters,2019/03/14,"Saying Goodbye Tonight I've got no gas left in my tank. I put all of my eggs into one basket, hoping I'd get my dream job...but that's not happening anymore. I'm currently unemployed and running out of money fast. On top of that, I can't stick to a diet and change myself. Ever. I remain addicted to short dopamine bursts to get me through a frustrating existence. That's not living. I've tried to get in touch with therapists, but I'm too much of a coward to actually see one. I always quit. I quit everything I do. That's why I have no friends, I don't have romance anymore, I can't keep steady work or even be interested in life anymore. I remember being so fascinated as a kid, now nothing gets my motor running. There's nothing that really blows my hair back, ya know? I tried to kill myself a few months ago and no one cared. I let the three people in my life know and it was largely, ""oh no that's not good"" 

Regardless, I'll be swinging peacefully tonight when everything is nice and quiet. If any of you are in pain or need help, please seek it. It's too late for me though I squandered those opportunities. ",1.6978222393228182,3.9269939380531014,3.5926163909195843,86.8066544824933,80.85840707964601,6.93928434013082,24.42785686802616,8.04050195162591,1.5128774913428231,874,33,180,17,23,294,138,226,0.139,0.6970000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.7133,4,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,2,0,5,10,11,2,0,6,0,13,7,1,0,2,24,28,13,1,4,7,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,10,8,2,1,3,1,1,3,10,3,0,4,2,5,25,8,23,22,3,25,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,4,11,110,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.12054662516800482,0.1346650004540418,0.0,0.0,0.10950113275878524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278614345084833,0.0,0.0,0.08400405385718088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36752315247820544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498628667179472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594619500742552,0.0,0.13067745488233065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158983452489071,0.1117391828482604,0.0,0.0,0.2220400586916132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543831016159796,0.0,0.2581555168732045,0.0,0.0,0.10361038511553854,0.09879754099104517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923641400295422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279898128376341,0.0,0.0,0.12269231257801687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258361447624586,0.10979837893315064,0.13666669537685222,0.0,0.13577677385918568,0.0,0.13934625488713484,0.0,0.13421477630526865,0.12631691900885827,0.17450457507621547,0.0,0.0,0.1090784972359566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859978413634056,0.0,0.09080813422314432,0.09159529498102637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370590903721508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511196346289481,0.0,0.13144371857800302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563955462105405,0.0,0.0,0.1355979049131856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418090861327175,0.0,0.26277690011340005,0.0,0.0,0.07913593273658882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993443948847933,0.0,0.0,0.09823533333816152,0.0,0.0,0.09843673432824196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342685709348998,0.0,0.0,0.12136675670496927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773636010491452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146583865424196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993068799527354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway727281928,2019/03/14,Is it bad if I think about killing myself daily but don't and won't act on it? Question is in the title. I don't know what this means. It started about a year ago. Ive been having some terrible thoughts about hurting myself in many ways. I don't know if this is normal behavior or if I should go see someone. It feels like it's all I think about. ,0.9459428571428604,2.683578146666669,2.5912380952380967,95.568,80.86666666666667,5.352380952380952,21.38095238095238,6.18269132825596,0.06909523809523765,271,8,63,2,7,89,49,75,0.152,0.8029999999999999,0.045,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,0,1,18,21,6,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,2,8,1,7,17,2,9,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,6,4,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216839765202252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880931695628815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264497562645775,0.17865973697945592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142128243759957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677196109632842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766803933960964,0.0,0.2748787559531138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221781895631469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535454659600283,0.0,0.27241429876301976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450287797129081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801508085692003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992842096859393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189497904719207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770104227636111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204868798272243,0.0,0.19853840286332936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850468032606008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610456058885343
suicidewatch,ohoboi,2019/03/14,"I think my overseas ex killed himself or is dying please fricking help I REALLY JUST NEED CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK AND NOT SHIT CALLING ME A DUMBASS I KNOW I’M DUMB 

(SUMMARY)
I’m in Australia he’s in Canada I have probable cause for self harm/suicide and his address what can I do? 

(EXPLANATION AS TO WHY) 
Im really a massive dumbass but my ex for asking reddit but my boyfriend and I are still pretty close and I live in Australia and he lives in Canada. Two days ago he was slurring his words heaps when I called him and he said he accidentally took more of his bipolar medication than he was supposed to (doubled up forgot and took it again), I was concerned but he assured me it was an accident. Yesterday I got a long ass message (about midday in Australia) about how he had done it on purpose and he would never find his place in the world and he failed his friends and family who needed him and his cousin (who committed suicide a few years ago) and how useless he was for not being able to help. I saw the messages at 7pm when I got on my phone and asked if he was okay and asked if he had done anything. It is now 3:37am Australian time so 10:37am for him. I still have not received any information from my ex. I have a huge concern I can’t sleep what the fuck can I even do I’m from a different country? I don’t have contact with his family because we were never really introduced and he’s not that close to them (he lives with his mum little sister and little brother). I don’t have their home phone number but I do have their address. I’m so worried I’m literally trying to google how and if I can report this anywhere or what the fuck I can do. I really don’t want a swat team or some shit breaking into their house and scaring his kid sister but I’m sort of at my breaking point here with nowhere else to turn because I know bipolar is serious and it’s been hours and if he’s dead already it’s literally probably my fucking fault because he reached out to me and there’s nothing I can do I’m only 17 I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I keep googling where he lives with suicide man and checking their local news but there’s no reports of suicide or attempted suicide of males in his area. Is there anything I can even do I’m so freaked out. ",1.6210064935064956,3.893706820346324,3.2330140692640685,89.02666396103899,81.44588744588745,6.014502164502165,25.858766233766232,7.251919499444523,1.2963779220779221,1789,75,366,25,48,590,214,462,0.192,0.7390000000000001,0.069,-0.9972,1,0,0,0,0,5,30.0,1,0,5,3,22,16,7,1,12,1,43,10,4,4,4,75,74,45,7,8,19,8,0,0,1,1,3,1,3,4,14,32,0,2,6,1,1,3,12,13,0,1,19,2,57,3,41,53,4,47,0,2,1,4,69,26,7,10,16,235,71,5,0.08102791247226036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143652710924357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894163162998227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055101759046650406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333581358781804,0.0,0.22725048059220096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818159010759088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547711619579378,0.0,0.0,0.08323798627474517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225630027265783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409418048863944,0.08465692262145795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583937349890232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768842359593881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703634399097037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277180915861902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405804405524154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260196417764093,0.22472699824265388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296108472894794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862260347013107,0.0,0.08127760282183574,0.0,0.0797961719551507,0.09349533197721373,0.0,0.0,0.08752404992963142,0.0,0.0,0.07202133161303508,0.08964537986655212,0.0,0.1335924648953269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242251018719198,0.28619652485271657,0.07170715273824436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162709724706388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016234079446028,0.12498744262192445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774846735201797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162537869272903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465692262145795,0.08894431566909752,0.0765975678221435,0.0,0.0,0.08243451704464982,0.17472358850107847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763422227203396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770760999663715,0.0,0.08112307581835176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452978423964617,0.0,0.16634797550077024,0.0,0.0,0.08108642986160088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941799113673724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431569244114452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051919414548517305,0.0,0.0,0.04724802737178623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004998432045907,0.05501263375679997,0.08813510101902393,0.0791524966692276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779236213696135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311508792065062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228777830405035,0.0,0.057559904215911686,0.0,0.0,0.05217931902767197
suicidewatch,sunflowerxx09,2019/03/14,"Never have I felt this low in my life. I have dropped out of college for the 2nd time. I feel sick to my stomach. My chest hurts as if I’m heartbroken. What remained of my soul has been crushed by indecisiveness and trauma. Many people have failed this young, broken girl. This list now includes me. I have failed and will continue to fail. I’ve been eternally cursed to be miserable. I’m truly dead inside. My only wish is to turn back time and change my life story. ",1.540622529644267,4.117079010869567,2.5500790513834017,91.6763438735178,84.97826086956522,5.519367588932806,20.3201581027668,6.980632752743323,0.4600304347826092,367,11,75,5,11,116,65,92,0.355,0.597,0.048,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,2,1,0,10,5,2,0,1,10,16,5,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,3,2,11,0,11,11,0,12,1,6,0,0,1,3,0,2,8,44,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682284890116546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29829419643113514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257600506329204,0.0,0.2707420666044173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30186212876818724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983372804650081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858803425674798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174779868559244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445615681359287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548729466311146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288460235741231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30670992123489743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32425954622853204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gotsomeweirdproblems,2019/03/14,How to overcome my survival instinct? Title says it all. How to overcome my survival instinct?,3.609166666666667,6.5808732500000025,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,97.75,2.1333333333333333,42.833333333333336,3.1291,3.0411083333333337,76,6,9,0,3,23,10,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyDickLooksBeautiful,2019/03/14,"Rationalizing my suicide TD;LR: college aged loser who continues to live and find more reasons to just not. 

I don’t know what’s going on and it scares me. There are nights where I think about how I could die, and when I wake up the next morning I wish I never had those thoughts. It’s like there’s two complete sides of me becoming increasingly polarized as the days go on. 

I’m a 21 year old University student who feels very trapped at times. My life isn’t physically awful, but in almost every other metric it’s lacking. 

I feel people see me as lesser because of my cowardice, passivity and kindness. I try to stand my ground and be firm, but it doesn’t come natural to me—that is until very recently where I now let my anger speak for me when I cannot.  

My ex-girlfriend I’ve dated since 6th grade broke up with me nine months ago and I am still not over it. She started seeing someone almost immediately after we ended. Worst of all its the same guy I KNEW she had low-key feelings for. It’s not the first time she’s done shady things either, so this really hurts because I though she was past that. I’ll never have a relationship rooted in innocence like that again... 

My college experience thus far has been pretty awful. My grades are abysmal and even though I’m trying to get them up the damage to my GPA has already been done. I have no real friends here even though I’ve gone to plenty of social events/parties. Women don’t even bat an eye at me, even though all my friends and family tell me I’m attractive; it makes me feel like such a loser since all my friends have no problem with women. I want a real relationship with someone, not hookups. I get called a pussy for that, since apparently I should want to use women for sex. I feel like an outcast in almost every sense of the word here. 

I feel like a burden financially (to my parents), mentally and socially to those around me. I’m so boring and useless and it shows so much in my life. I don’t blame anyone for treating me the way I’m treated because I deserve every last bit of it. Just look at my post history for reference, I’m just a impulsive piece of shit. 

Why does my life as a man on this planet mean so little? I feel like a cog in large machine that’s replaceable at any moment. My feelings as a man don’t matter; hell, I shouldn’t have fucking feelings and I wish I didn’t. 

I feel the thoughts of suicide burning in my head just writing this shit. I know it’s wrong and I probably won’t anytime soon, but I just need to vent somewhere anonymously. 

Probably will delete this later cause more than likely shit won’t change. 

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suicidewatch,ItsNotWorthItEver,2019/03/14,"I don't think it's worth it. I've been feeling this way for a very long time. I cannot hold a job down because I take too many days off. My depression is so bad I feel physical pain from it. I've been to the doctor's many many times and there's nothing physically wrong with me, according to them. I cannot afford therapy. I'm a terrible person. I feel I am failing at everything. I've been suicidal since before I was a teenager, 10 years ago now. I have no one and I struggle a lot to make friends. No one can do anything to save me. What is the point?",0.10213461538461388,2.112372175000001,2.563333333333336,93.12576923076924,85.58333333333334,6.35897435897436,22.56410256410256,7.61054688173877,0.9354679487179488,431,16,101,8,13,148,79,120,0.248,0.667,0.085,-0.9623,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,0,1,7,0,13,2,0,1,0,11,20,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,4,3,14,2,10,16,1,12,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,60,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684938320011512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632572523285008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832086505661673,0.10098602835914146,0.0,0.14096617546247234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683829652752734,0.0,0.14268445308179853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956209479734358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888633954320785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25129108117876026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799006391801473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439399047982145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660567256809345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083992330265702,0.0,0.0,0.1105806831887832,0.503865852740408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895717389433914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245137410948576,0.0,0.17627606685338726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144649683957237,0.0,0.0,0.15660415340485653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370373329298604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731859099605839,0.0,0.1812073593096296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245572204037064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894489548063381,0.0,0.0,0.1061495317909536,0.0,0.0,0.19319770945701056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668851411692073,0.0,0.13149479870304673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112541027506504,0.0,0.10668090794402746
suicidewatch,meiple,2019/03/14,"Losing grip. Sobbing uncontrollably. Help. Help. Help. Right now theres no other option. I have no control of my body rn. I can’t shake off the thoughts.

Context:
Brother beat me when i was younger
Violent household
Bullied in school
4 years ago dad had a stroke, finances took a hit
2 years ago, brother died. within the same month first ex left
7 months ago lost work
6 months ago second ex cheated on me
2 months ago ex hoovered and dumped me again for the same guy

Meds arent working, painkillers arent working, lower jaw is about 4 inches clenched forward. Im ready to go",1.4377083333333367,4.123508544642856,1.650571428571432,96.52776190476193,88.55357142857143,3.7009523809523817,24.43095238095239,5.2151,0.2623552380952385,455,19,91,2,15,136,85,112,0.269,0.631,0.1,-0.9648,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,8,5,8,3,2,5,0,7,3,2,1,0,6,12,2,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,5,8,0,2,5,2,7,0,8,6,2,26,0,3,0,0,10,8,1,1,16,39,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5946785430075955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490352536860929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048571945168818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924973474321697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412694755115164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625324865253706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285173872103928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697987298130001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449291813718279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457786702519824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010455966151856,0.1464649890885526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490352536860929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283804157549824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458246903846438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357895993849648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651787287390888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907043752291133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930372453397799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280521176293762
suicidewatch,ivedecidedtodie,2019/03/14,"Permanent solution. Repost  I've decided to die. This isn't a particularly unique event, because it's something I 'decide' to do every single day. But I never really take myself too seriously. I've always believed that since my scheduled date to die is always far into the future, that it's never going to actually happen. I've believed that one day my therapy and anti depressants (I'm on several) would make this thought, this feeling, this desire go away. But today is the first day where I know with something very close to absolute certainty, that it's the right path for me.

I haven't feared death since sometime after undergrad. It's inevitable for all of us and if you're capable of thinking like me for a moment you might even call it beautiful. The idea of my decomposing body giving back to the earth, my 'energy' being recycled by the universe...well it makes me feel like death isn't the end. Obviously it's the end of me as a person, and probably the end of my soul if you believe in such things, but it's not the end. I'll continue, just as we'll all continue

Shortly after death stopped being something to fear, I realized I don't particularly enjoy living. I'm saying shortly, but there was likely years in between these two realizations, but I don't know for sure. All I know is I can clearly remember a time where I did not think about dying every day and that time existed before I realized death wasn't something to fear. 

So here there I was many years ago with the realization that death is ok, and the realization that I don't enjoy life, but I never did anything about it. My reason, which I think is a reason many people in my position have, was that I didn't want to hurt my family, the only people that I believe to love me. I've been willing to endure this thing called life that on it's worst days (like today) is painful beyond words, and on it's best days is just a minor annoyance. I've been willing to endure something that never brings me any pleasure, because I don't want to hurt the people who love me, and who I love tremendously. I don't mean to say it like it's some noble act...some noble sacrifice that I'm making... It's not, I'm just telling you, whoever you are, why I've decided continue up until this point...and why I've always scheduled my date to die far off into the future. I've just been waiting, and hoping, that life would give me a way to die that would not destroy the ones I love

But life hates me, or at the very least it doesn't care about me, and so that magical thing that would suddenly make my death more bearable for my family, it will never occur. I don't have that kind of luck

So today, as I'm sitting here dealing with one of the more painful events of my life (I'll tell you about it in a few), I've decided that I need to prioritize myself for once. And even though it will hurt the ones that I love, and likely change them forever, they will almost certainly survive. 

So my current plan, is not a plan in the traditional sense because I'm still not quite sure how I'll die, which is a little strange given that I've thought about it every day. But it's a difficult decision and there just don't seem to be any good options. So I'm not focusing on that part anymore...the method will present itself when the time comes. My plan consists of two parts:

1. I will give myself daily and constant positive reinforcement (or negative reinforcement depending on your perspective). 

2. I will embrace the pain in my life rather than run from it, and try to fix it like I usually do, hopefully getting myself to the point where I no longer think about anyone or anything else but my pain, making the whole ordeal easier for myself. 

For step 1, I've written my intentions on my whiteboards, so that I'll see them every day. I've set daily reminders on my phone for when I wake up and when I go to sleep. And I've schedule emails to arrive three times a day in perpetuity reminding myself about what I need to do. 

Step 2, well I guess this is where I tell you about today. I've been in a relationship the last year and half that has been particularly challenging. The most challenging I've ever been in, and it's been the source of a great deal of pain. You see, I've never been cheated on before. Even though I'm old and unmarried it isn't because I'm a bad partner, or unlovable. I'm almost certain I'm a great partner...primarily because every girlfriend I've ever had as told me as much. And I make a deliberate effort to be great to my partner every single day. It feels like it's important so I treat it like it's important. I support her financially and emotionally. I make sure to support her and encourage her. I do that thing that men are prone to do and try to solve her problems, but I don't just solve them....I also listen. I have a great deal of empathy so it's easy. And because I love her, her problems feel like my problems and her pain feels like my pain, so I do everything in my power to take that pain away and replace it with joy whenever I can. I make sure to tell her shes loved every single day. She's been the victim of some pretty severe emotional abuse and it's affected her confidence with regard to her ability to 'succeed' in life. So I send her a message in the morning and at night on most days telling her how amazing she is and that she'll be successful beyond her wildest dreams. 

Something else that might be important to note is that she is.....unusually beautiful. I'm not just saying that because I love her, I say it because it's impossible for us to be out in public without us being stopped 5 times for people to tell her how beautiful she is. Every single time we're out in public. Growing up being told you're beautiful hundreds of times a week sounds awesome, but it has sadly made her very insecure. That insecurity combined with her fear of being unsuccessful (because that's what her family tells her everyday) has made her lead her life with her looks. Even though it's not necessarily her favorite thing about herself, she prioritizes it above all else because she feels like it's all she has. It's a feeling I understand, not because I'm beautiful myself, but because I can understand how a persons perception of themselves can be warped when their mother tells them they won't amount to anything on a daily basis. 

I'm telling you this about my girlfriends looks because I wanted to explain to you why I send her those messages every morning and every night telling her how amazing she is. I'm trying my best to cancel out the negative reinforcement she gets from her mother. I'm trying to help her battle years and years of verbal abuse. I hope that if I tell her enough, and tell her in great detail the specific ways in which shes amazing, she'll one day believe it...and one day know like I know that she has much more to offer this world than her looks.

Back to the point, before this relationship I'd never been cheated on before. But in the year and a half that she and I have been together, I have been cheated on with 16 people. Not 16 times....16 people. Some of these people she's slept with tens or possibly even hundreds of times. For a brief period she was even in a relationship with one of them. 

16 people feels like a lot of cheating for a year and a half. I personally have never heard of anyone cheating that much. Perhaps I'm just ignorant about how it works given it's my first time dealing with it, but 16 people seems exorbitant...

Regardless, I'm not taking it well. I've never taken it well. And each instance hurt more than the last. So here I am today, 3 days after finding out about the 16th person and I've had enough. I originally thought that I could soldier on like I have with the previous 15 people, but tonight I found out that she and this new person didn't use condoms at all. I also found out they had sex 8 times in a 5 day period. I don't know why, but the knowledge of these two things is just too much...

Well that's not true, I know exactly why and I suppose I'll tell you, but I'm getting tired of writing this story so I'll rush through it. She and I used to have sex all the time. Our sexual chemistry is other worldly. When we're in the zone it feels like less of a physical act and more of a spiritual one. I've been a bit of a man whore in my life and I've never experienced anything quite like it. But ever since the first time she cheated our the frequency of our sexual escapades has diminished significantly. To the point where I'm lucky if we have sex once a week.

So finding out that she slept with him 8 times in 5 days....well that just destroys me. The visualizations destroy me. The insecurity of feeling like she prefers him destroys me. And the knowledge that she was so unconcerned about my feelings and my health that she let it happen without condoms, well it makes me feel worthless...

And yes, I know it doesn't make any sense for me to have my feelings of self worth tied to how I'm treated by the people I love. I know it objectively, but I've never been able to feel it.

And so any remaining bit of worthiness I felt after the 15th time, has been destroyed by the knowledge of this 16th person. 

It's not the most interesting story; people get cheated on every day. But it's my story. 

Why would I continue to do something I don't enjoy (life) when the person I love most in this world doesn't value me enough to at least wear condoms when she cheats on me? I feel like that's a pretty low bar...wearing condoms when you cheat....but apparently I'm not worth the effort. And so I'm done. I'm convinced. I'm ready. And so I'll enact my plan of daily and continuous positive reinforcement and I'll embrace the pain I currently feel and any pain that the universe has in store for me in the next few days or weeks that I remain here.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I just really needed to tell someone. since I don't plan to leave a note. And I think perhaps, that the part of me that doesn't want to destroy the ones I love, is hoping that someone, somewhere, has something to say that I've not yet considered, that might allow me to stay just a little bit longer...

But no pressure. I'm very ok with my decisions to die. 

As an aside, I think it's pretty weird how common it is for people to want to die, but not want to kill themselves because of they don't want to hurt the ones they love. It's sad that life is so unpleasant for so many people and I wish they didn't have to endure so much pain

PS. I originally intended to proofread this, but it's longer than I anticipated, and I simply don't have the energy or the interest in reading my own drivel. Plus I don't think anyone will read it so what's the point, right? Lol

PPS. My girlfriend is not a bad person. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, figure out why she's unable to be loyal, or show empathy for how I feel, but I know with 100% certainty that she is good. She is dealing with quite a bit of pain of her own, and while my pain drives me to go overboard trying to be 'good', her pain causes her to do lot's of things that aren't good. She's working on it though, and she'll get past it, because I know she wants to. I also know she loves me. Well I'm 99% sure. I probably sound naive, and maybe I am in a lot of ways, but there have been lots of things in the relationship that I haven't described here that lead me to the conclusion that how someone feels, and how they act, aren't always aligned. And in this case, my girlfriend loves me, but deals with her pain in ways that aren't that great for me.....

PPPS. I've likely contradicted myself several times in this note. I'm ok with that. If there's one thing I've learned in my 30+ years it's that cognitive dissonance is very real. It's not at all hard to hold two opposing beliefs at once....and I hold many. I'd also like to say that although I spent a great deal of time talking about my girlfriend's beauty, and the 'spirituality' of our sex life, neither of these things has much to do with why I love her. I'm just talking about the things that are currently on my mind and given the specific nature of event that has made me certain that I need to die, they seemed appropriate. ",4.8450011488850615,5.297230547454177,5.812998981670063,81.41589724006478,68.98370672097761,8.869209880411509,28.975468692882128,8.878349817283857,2.11991425139694,9594,325,1951,158,156,3176,614,2455,0.122,0.6809999999999999,0.197,0.9997,5,0,9,0,2,1,293.0,9,13,13,26,117,160,19,8,108,5,163,59,6,39,34,374,333,159,16,35,74,2,21,21,7,22,29,10,0,13,171,95,0,7,74,4,4,19,71,64,6,23,51,37,281,96,266,245,58,251,3,10,5,24,198,95,0,41,151,1296,452,12,0.01847154607276704,0.043771523213325364,0.01802556441446591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01637391108419311,0.0,0.03699317036514824,0.0,0.0,0.059086754883224075,0.06147922422898519,0.0,0.0,0.06280642372893147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038747203496751294,0.0,0.06080203416064681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470925116295777,0.028406957498928024,0.03084593882753115,0.16890124558899985,0.0,0.06287170085708545,0.1040555350441828,0.03876949599907729,0.0,0.08066457689189004,0.020517723574861518,0.0,0.0,0.037723027565910124,0.0,0.018832972285198386,0.018975366038273246,0.01954044650538349,0.015911601359222642,0.0,0.019961179167697945,0.0,0.014748026495720898,0.0,0.0,0.21442714387299067,0.1333034704270959,0.015909515565852652,0.0,0.17253493688256466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01890280481625705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046291819580322836,0.041556006259463284,0.06544122870051458,0.057258134546026476,0.0,0.07320169183057555,0.05012571281636416,0.17119381661311356,0.0,0.016601034558036597,0.0,0.05223998913570957,0.0831424989094239,0.16811583664051294,0.11876468584656776,0.017735580955098973,0.0,0.033765316940473425,0.047135662959905886,0.0,0.040506193709043736,0.0,0.0,0.04825310219035876,0.053158770415541116,0.0419912212403992,0.0619722258770779,0.0,0.14255461328858246,0.020348490499670916,0.0,0.032668654377860366,0.0,0.033093754199593775,0.018236827570862226,0.0,0.01963438970691589,0.0,0.0,0.012381087969095374,0.0,0.0,0.0733856524129993,0.0,0.0,0.09887086054249956,0.020852127151838533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02043602894228095,0.019235272756694462,0.13196922243608916,0.030113550827436292,0.0,0.0195587002103568,0.0,0.018888407344939802,0.15656399111653635,0.18950955192377172,0.03702668362836446,0.016310713596665177,0.0,0.04653433957010582,0.0,0.0,0.06281539168931217,0.2500693726197073,0.05243467055205482,0.12329900437477932,0.07490899397595481,0.01855715077463301,0.020120928792530714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587861740469544,0.018650995887616574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147227036088972,0.054785669443385324,0.1567103457261374,0.017839934300567475,0.01964469880350907,0.034668589384888884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019382780354869632,0.0393431874428974,0.1376847743290438,0.014048443148083808,0.29482541043383625,0.0,0.0,0.060008653073347226,0.01763318082546034,0.17928181967227638,0.12902913239995556,0.0,0.0,0.08730790785045832,0.020823892796247724,0.0,0.05637660899006273,0.03983090167973605,0.05302432486455234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894028886780859,0.03695308947093162,0.021024663366888373,0.02366669081036759,0.03798365158891728,0.0,0.07932611079604257,0.020924660887738016,0.03154919883866,0.0,0.08813588898381941,0.0,0.0,0.029438861401726624,0.05044740540568232,0.019269851048405333,0.06260276803701653,0.0,0.06111941516433263,0.0,0.01848488600243179,0.0,0.046952643135068584,0.11376238883925865,0.01826883138217669,0.0,0.0,0.01968821039616063,0.014751400554380541,0.03088607923583013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192258317130342,0.08704606785907228,0.0,0.04166491150334502,0.029693458087121368,0.24217418150922196,0.0,0.02112382274541189,0.0,0.13498841880040274,0.08285074612562,0.07259280092532662,0.043993032870176016,0.17233451294830554,0.02123032493644793,0.0875443292789573,0.03530070770649114,0.0,0.07524580367568068,0.0,0.07217606596989462,0.038459061791621466,0.06665698675217349,0.03190697018506195,0.020343798358780214,0.07620480003416112,0.08715997163979483,0.05864741397145672,0.04445028021927133,0.0,0.09964882957752633,0.0,0.15000927538923828,0.020622821533304664,0.02124136638508601,0.03561182251097733,0.0,0.02689501107205271,0.0,0.0,0.06560828177773066,0.0,0.0,0.09516056045948043
suicidewatch,abcdefgxyz123,2019/03/14,"I'm at the lowest of my low and i've been here many times. I really don't have the strength anymore This is a lot so I apologize in advance. I don't have the strength or will to move on. I have many people who are angry at me, all very unjust but not fixable anymore. I have been sexually abused a couple of times by family. I can't go to my parents for a reason I can't even write down here. And now, after being rejected after being held onto a leash for two months when he didn't even like me from the start was the final straw. I gave him so much and I cared so much but I was way too deluded. He was really the only thing that kept me sane and motivated. I'm gay and I've been trying to get a boyfriend for a really long time. I'm currently 24 and I came out and started dating when I was 16. I've been rejected, so many times. Rejection is part of dating, I understand and heartbreak will heal overtime. But I don't have the strength anymore. I've been here so many times. People tell me I am above-average handsome, really nice and caring. But I have never ever received anything good from it. 

​

I am here at home, I have nothing. Anti-depressants don't seem to work. I just want to die, I really really do. I wake up and then I feel clear for a good 5 seconds and then it's back to physical pain again. It hurts to be alive, I'm screaming in my home, I fall asleep on the floor, I haven't eaten for 2 days. I don't even find the will to do anything or undertake anything anymore. I tried being happy I really did. I started writing a book, I draw/paint a lot, I make music. But I don't get anything out of it anymore. I'm so so done. I need a miracle because I don't see myself breathing in 7 days.

​

I have this amazing friend and I love him so very much and he is probably keeping me from doing it until this point. But I can't do this anymore. I'm so alone. I am so alone and I have nothing. I want help but I don't want to talk to my friends about it anymore because I've been doing it too much to the point where they say that i'm like a baby to take care of.

I have been to a psychiatrist 4 times now in my life and I can't afford to go again. I just can't go back there.

 

​

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suicidewatch,cladspoon,2019/03/14,"i kind of want to die so, i kind of want to die. i want to know what happens when I die. i want to end my life. i feel worthless and feel like such a burden to my boyfriend and my family and my job. im legit not happy and the times I am, it doesnt last long. I dont know dude. ",-2.014805194805195,-0.5865866363636343,1.138658008658009,103.69227272727277,89.6060606060606,4.377489177489178,13.974025974025974,5.288315135182226,-1.3885428571428573,206,3,60,1,7,73,38,66,0.28800000000000003,0.604,0.108,-0.9501,1,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,12,6,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,12,4,7,12,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,34,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505902809333717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725300955762269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662612372544846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670728151576594,0.0,0.1788293768163053,0.1263332187028944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637740317948634,0.18824751239117565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101556120042631,0.0,0.17548458981482304,0.0,0.0,0.3682994675384614,0.19437125890651816,0.14414670480273334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490602397759183,0.0863941938108843,0.0,0.0,0.15649620913786386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311575471302983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41721492010597705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,updatesettings,2019/03/14,"If I can't look like those rich 6ft tall, 90lb women, should I just end it There was this minor celebrity with a disability and I looked at a picture of her at her prom and at 4ft tall and 60lbs, she looked poor and obese in comparison to her 6ft 90lb friends.

I felt sorry for the disabled girl as she was wearing a shitty office dress while her friends were wearing million dollar monstrosities that were so long that there was probably a huge train of material whenever they tried to walk.

These girls had bones poking out everywhere and just thinking about the skinny girls makes me hit my head and think about killing and mutiliating myself, but being the fat coward I am, I just hit my head to the point of a concussion instead.

I have thoughts about starving myself but my obese disgusting appetite reminds me to eat every hour.  The disabled girl has so much confident and I pity her as well. I feel like a taller, fatter version of the disabled girl  right now.",5.819556737588653,6.5493936861702124,5.772127659574469,81.58333333333334,66.92553191489364,8.60709219858156,31.092198581560282,8.59863814320734,2.2856900709219854,775,29,149,11,12,243,116,188,0.142,0.779,0.079,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,13,9,2,0,12,0,12,10,7,1,0,23,23,16,1,2,6,0,2,2,2,1,3,0,0,6,6,10,5,0,5,0,3,1,1,3,1,1,8,5,24,6,20,11,2,17,0,1,3,0,16,11,0,1,7,98,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784010885092695,0.0,0.0,0.16259041231951035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546674295388617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281958022012883,0.1311439600877837,0.17625802433583726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836547309874453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37679591388515016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078156162590828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309535367099726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936813169616928,0.0,0.0,0.16245555061279582,0.4624630440449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253581638342832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494663118470782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353499031778674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979217950446349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567695885113359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549396044860915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525120593652754,0.0,0.14573575905350622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463342032620535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505338311329948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rtan24,2019/03/14,"My friend just revealed to me he’s suicidal and I don’t know what to do Last night I managed to convince my friend to smoke weed with me for the first time, and it started off fine, he was feeling it and everything was good. Then we went to get food and on the way back, he burst out crying and telling me he was sorry. We sat outside for a while and he told me how he hates college and isn’t making any new friends and doesn’t know what so major in, and that he called suicide hotline the day before, someone picked up, and he said if no one did he was going to kill himself. I broke down then as well. He told me not to tell anyone, but I can’t risk it, as idk if he will and when, and I can’t afford losing him, his family would be devastated. What should I do right now and what should I avoid doing? Thanks guys.",2.9546551724137937,3.549186362068969,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,73.3103448275862,6.719540229885059,23.69540229885057,6.42735559955562,0.3866988505747124,633,16,149,4,12,204,109,174,0.175,0.731,0.094,-0.9451,1,1,1,0,0,1,17.0,2,0,0,2,7,14,2,2,4,0,18,1,0,3,0,33,32,24,3,5,5,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,8,17,1,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,1,2,10,2,19,8,18,17,1,23,0,2,0,0,26,7,0,2,13,97,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211023564018992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499154504024427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545957211938156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777045341182305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533245727555293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649377105417248,0.09683725577631948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494921776697158,0.0,0.14155233609836088,0.0,0.07592264663306891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772137429406127,0.1815674647613016,0.0,0.34802707341733546,0.0,0.07844954930554397,0.0,0.08533628491135906,0.12594250340472216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867660102099586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824652081984854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661237503230747,0.0,0.16504201567221247,0.1223959902661962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679845212646328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002293208513794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502018958271956,0.0,0.1409098632443427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101748601757701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823115600318813,0.14283135177463008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722545375145294,0.0,0.0,0.16808571324465246,0.1062801556511698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284893895232934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26248337109171344,0.13824212575027306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087556319288876,0.0,0.0,0.28695819377746656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191856840583537,0.0,0.0,0.1350069635305897,0.1391947621255178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666547646759364,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sleepybirb,2019/03/14,"Finally bought a gun There’s like a sense of freedom in it for me. I don’t know whether I’m going to do anything in the immediate future (maybe I’ll just go to a target range and use it normally). It’s interesting, it’s like I finally have access to a fast way out. It’s funny because I’m the cliche liberal college student and am pretty anti-gun, but I’m happy that I finally have better means than simply hanging myself with a belt or something",2.4121774193548404,4.161870365591398,5.05772849462366,79.5065927419355,76.52688172043011,7.660752688172043,27.75403225806452,8.472884824447931,2.2261193548387097,356,15,68,7,8,127,63,93,0.019,0.745,0.236,0.9531,0,0,1,2,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,14,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,5,10,13,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,7,40,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359167276334275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285915300186167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656576453812676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932474432141197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397724496268387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245573476386941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159311318455639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611641308960935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119249389702219,0.2297834758237869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066835879575946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460926418903845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623975550224475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821907573881764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744016602554254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lazy_Anxiety,2019/03/14,"Feeling as if it may just be time to give up I don't know why I am posting this. I feel as if my life hasn't really worked out, and that it's probably time to admit that things will never get better. 

I feel too consumed with past hurts, past pain, current pain, current loneliness, prospect of future loneliness. I feel as if it is far too much effort to work through all of my issues. I have something wrong with me where I constantly attract abusive relationships, and each is worse than the last.

I can't afford therapy, and when I HAVE used it, I've found that it hasn't helped me at all in the long run. I have no reliable family. I am repeatedly broken up with. I have no reliable or local friends.

At this stage, I feel as if it is just time to admit that things aren't working, and give up. ",3.981115448968212,4.67580393251534,5.101974344673732,84.87675404350253,71.02453987730061,8.626659230340213,27.701617401003904,8.841846274778883,1.9112503067484656,623,21,133,11,11,206,92,163,0.205,0.72,0.07400000000000001,-0.9742,3,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,5,6,7,0,0,2,0,17,3,0,1,3,30,30,14,0,4,7,0,5,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,9,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,1,5,17,3,22,26,4,27,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,6,14,94,31,3,0.0,0.1682988827050701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562635245753134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349907450223574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390641766819444,0.0,0.3591085075225469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574388651368334,0.10974282242500492,0.0,0.07421211408259781,0.2725230472578819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952090820196812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520610126386994,0.0,0.0,0.14825700530510758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806365367240269,0.11578479766034265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003298600033564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570444766278582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441866512433737,0.0,0.10955306994914032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30228960765050045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27119409274365863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603886309101956,0.0,0.15314742914394014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099700737621688,0.0,0.0,0.15250207025292958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935239129214452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162439664216688,0.0,0.18873541014335016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848095163980374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268038757708002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817259355466684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310229115745439,0.0,0.14475494527939645,0.0,0.1553027877945679,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dakshtrehan,2019/03/14,"LIFE!!! Life is so mean, so saddist. Sometimes I don't even understand why the fuck we have feelings?
Wasn't that best when we lived in caves just hunt die and that's all.
We have definitely made our lives complex! That's surely unwanted by everyone.
I just wanna die right now, hell yes I don't care about anyone because they are not worth my care.
No I'm not fucking alone I have lots of friends but I don't feel like talking to even one.
I had a gf who left me because of my ego, I never thought I could be feeling like hell just because she left me. I do love her but I always thought if she would be gone it won't matter much. But literally my life feels like hell right now.. There are lots of girls around me but I don't wanna talk to any of them. Furthermore she do love me but don't wanna come back.
Everyone else is fucking mean I've learnt that and if somebody isn't mean my heart has already declared him mean. Because I can't control my heart as well as brain.
I can't focus on anything I wanna study hell no I can't do that. I wanna talk to anyone I just feel burden to tell to anyone from scratch. I just wanna sit tight like a slog.
I'm just here devastating my future.
I don't think living such a life is worth. Because I know I deserve happiness I deserve love. I deserve real me.
And I'm not here because I want someone to talk to. I'm here because I just wanna share. No need to patronise. But maybe you advise could help.
But I fucking know nobody would be reading that damn text till here. And to all those reading I really appreciate going through my fucking hell life. Suggest me something if you could.
But I really have a strong Will to die.
",0.28748385012919897,2.668782212209305,2.0384263565891487,94.06367958656332,90.25,4.569405684754521,21.01653746770026,6.199608861193314,0.2166394832041343,1307,46,279,13,45,427,158,344,0.222,0.6459999999999999,0.132,-0.9864,0,1,1,0,0,1,36.0,4,2,2,3,24,28,11,0,5,1,35,16,3,2,4,72,70,21,3,18,21,0,7,4,2,4,5,0,0,1,9,9,0,2,16,2,2,3,19,12,1,1,6,7,54,16,31,54,6,18,5,0,0,8,29,7,11,5,11,185,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450271678799814,0.0793817962356279,0.0,0.05985548274606847,0.0,0.0,0.04891810342755689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089536990382316,0.0,0.05919617809543942,0.06403718729705518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531339003603603,0.0,0.30695533339593284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549109241207634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030298221572027,0.0,0.0,0.14668456367963315,0.0,0.0,0.06196542604844715,0.0,0.0,0.08068094987810158,0.17230215700158402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397077098660997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009226136521504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502446086022256,0.0,0.0,0.1374734914142728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186187982062185,0.15417062037205478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557661699724285,0.3325126315747146,0.0,0.0,0.040882181744513316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657588945284187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704860734848714,0.04821635318959371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906692548428575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563146540515748,0.0,0.2540482411323075,0.14057476033749264,0.0,0.1905591324883975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231272078005598,0.19477178778195703,0.0680664090541037,0.0,0.0,0.07226813493092589,0.3134321673781665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288032538933852,0.053338712926607315,0.05548052141265358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874485494217647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390845278092948,0.08187750520152963,0.09216649827462388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228637836877187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060950088560777486,0.055378892526017305,0.07114531683183936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779765982011722,0.0,0.0,0.2312737404213193,0.06287415073805011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609288949618323,0.0,0.11421632821738725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488662189114216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042428985108874655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467798809809411,0.0,0.06490993200397158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220077893812364,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throatrake,2019/03/14,"Keep an eye out for my hanging suicide This weekend. Within the 7 or 8 surrounding towns in Wrentham Walpole Massachusetts area

Relief finally",7.727499999999999,10.642856750000004,7.281666666666666,64.23000000000002,64.83333333333334,9.8,45.33333333333334,10.125756701596842,5.8297333333333325,118,8,15,3,2,37,24,24,0.163,0.725,0.112,-0.34,1,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,1,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6136676597617715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979282070839918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6127638239588169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ABrokeHoodrat,2019/03/14,"Feeling Like The Lonliest Man In The World I should preface this by saying I really don’t know why I’m posting this or where to post it. I guess more so to hear others have been where I am so I know there’s a light at the end of this deep dark tunnel - because I’m not seeing it anymore. 

A year ago I had life figured out. I ran my own business with my girlfriend of 4 years and we were raising her daughter together. We had a deposit on a house in Las Vegas that we were going to move into and even though we had our own problems and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to my future there was an air of appreciation that life was essentially figured out. 

Anyways, she cheated, the relationship ended, blah blah blah. That was survivable. She left me with over $60,000 in debt which I’ve been clawing my way out of bouncing from one job to another for the last 6 months. 

The job market in California is nightmare right now. I’ve found a couple jobs at some semi-legit businesses but overall after owning my own business. Everything I apply to I’m either over qualified or the position is already filled. It’s been brutal. 

While this has been going on my grandmother moved in with me as after the death of my grandpa she had nowhere else to go. Within 4 months she and my dad had the names on the lease changed to them and I was out on my ass. 

I moved in with my mother. So now in 6 months I’ve gone from my own condo, to sharing a 2 bedroom loft with my grandmother, to sleeping in a guest room at my mother and other grandmothers. When money was good I used to throw them extra money for bills but as soon as I moved in the energy felt different. Then I found out I was never wanted here to begin with if I didn’t have money to keep assisting them the way I used to so I’m out on my ass again. 

Through this entire dilemma I met a girl. She’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met and all though she has her own skeletons to tidy life with her is overall great. She makes me smile like nobody ever has. She supports me when I feel like I’m falling. And I go above and beyond to show her how much I love and appreciate her. I spoil her senseless to the point even she says it’s too much sometimes. I’m always on call if she needs me, even when she dosent I’m still there for her as soon as I sense somethings off. But even so I can feel her pulling away in all this as well. Losing her would just be icing on the cake. 

So that’s where I’m at now. 27 years old. Living in my car. Looking for a job. Pushing away the only person who actually does care with my overwhelming new found instability. Not seeing an end in sight. 

I don’t know where else to go, so if you’ve been in a similar situation. Let me know. I’m not asking for help, just reassurance that it’s going to get better. ",2.6814424818840585,4.120549911458333,4.227853260869567,87.0535597826087,75.05902777777777,6.953140096618358,24.15368357487923,7.586124646067393,1.0394333937198064,2183,67,463,28,46,729,264,576,0.07,0.831,0.1,0.9653,6,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,5,0,3,3,41,17,2,1,28,0,36,7,3,4,6,77,84,39,1,8,14,5,4,6,2,2,3,3,4,4,20,29,0,2,13,1,6,19,8,5,1,1,28,13,75,12,87,52,15,104,0,2,5,3,53,50,2,8,36,325,95,6,0.0,0.0,0.07333275530524222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661339347373242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292672268173508,0.0,0.06252842911152019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879831427434174,0.0,0.0,0.07452575679640805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025241910797972,0.0,0.14120639797102266,0.0,0.0,0.045808990789358094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646152657254567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673361805092081,0.0,0.07661750370227076,0.0,0.079495695623516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314886608820114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851275288258176,0.0,0.0,0.06576175675798415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555156294926367,0.0,0.19967414753950533,0.0,0.0,0.1985358731451924,0.1359497562440938,0.0,0.0,0.06753739173245404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139899351445643,0.1073702442922414,0.07215302602856798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24718483621197,0.0,0.0,0.039261271983302516,0.0,0.2562470623432397,0.0630298443292824,0.0,0.08284997219627814,0.08278303193912094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469627302826829,0.0,0.05036953482142887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867096944691126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29828771041214097,0.06679421878460096,0.0,0.0,0.16519558170415874,0.06125493780455895,0.0,0.0,0.08164757275805026,0.07684302816174825,0.15923591331413608,0.11013927045650468,0.0,0.06635628940851533,0.0,0.1262093198497212,0.08407041259941986,0.0,0.0,0.06782321555468031,0.0,0.05016129042782925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994515814464526,0.3194780112828438,0.11048356894986563,0.05572064207184358,0.057958096586384164,0.07257756299021695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885426809482939,0.0,0.05092163770082391,0.05715277591925332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312311445008087,0.0,0.0,0.0710383241866438,0.0,0.14394034909640746,0.0,0.0,0.07190565116502626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814117345165347,0.0,0.0,0.08067989077299423,0.0,0.06417523538556108,0.0,0.11952002226485114,0.0,0.0,0.11976506088792695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446851866331867,0.075201396799191,0.0,0.0,0.057851929292392426,0.0743224295593625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001259224903194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085276068553994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766334037526646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980597907020575,0.0,0.0,0.04432372217110343,0.1192965823195698,0.0,0.0,0.06756629147950632,0.0,0.06780859322716802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053382362548854034,0.0,0.0,0.14517685690228266
suicidewatch,CalmPlant,2019/03/14,I'm supposed to kill myself. The title says it all. I feel like I'm supposed to kill myself. I'm a bad person who deserves to be punished and to die. I want to grind my teeth into nothing. I want to punch myself until I can't think anymore. I just want to die and I want to die painfully. It's all I deserve.,-1.1672222222222215,0.8627109705882354,1.7596078431372568,95.90434640522881,93.70588235294115,3.0222222222222217,19.3202614379085,3.1291,-0.6345052287581696,238,8,53,0,9,83,38,68,0.384,0.52,0.095,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,12,11,3,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,11,1,10,10,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192750919808585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158757382996114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6025536999136627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978534369252324,0.1382562514950073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282195272402864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945478751342252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185695079783806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592715318450294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898095219657158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390102132916722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400475733191645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565906854419421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okatomo,2019/03/14,when things get repeated often i tend to remember it. i made this video as a reminder to myself that things will be alright. i hope it helps someone. [everything is going to be alright](https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=zlF0TO7hkrw),6.5130833333333324,10.483325475000004,4.415000000000003,75.28333333333333,81.75,6.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,3.2099166666666665,209,10,27,4,6,59,32,40,0.0,0.789,0.211,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678613227816756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051316701096572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738110968738902,0.0,0.1929526051860484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275678685311684,0.0,0.0,0.3372122171751205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32125464914580204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846011343951356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876675821172563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511136342413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway14371427,2019/03/14,I feel like a turd on legs Im just too tired right now struggling to find any motivation,0.9205263157894772,3.0568202631578965,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,83.21052631578947,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.1712947368421056,71,2,17,1,2,23,18,19,0.252,0.531,0.217,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644525606701065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663002625629206,0.2778168168209717,0.0,0.0,0.3554303842105514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200584432252586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899877179002332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332102431750572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065430797985009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469617484935556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllWrangler3,2019/03/14,"why does death seem so comforting. It seems like a nice nap, like I can finally find peace",1.6483333333333334,4.104466055555555,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,82.8888888888889,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.314244444444444,71,2,16,2,2,22,17,18,0.138,0.355,0.507,0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116415553558268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901102297645749,0.3254857071454056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479628611214466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6483935157908514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32134140724942833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zach_94,2019/03/14,"Help I want to overdose I have 1100mg of paracetamol in front of me right now, as well as 3200mg of ibuprofen. I’m not suicidal, I don’t want to self harm, I don’t want to have to deal with the shame of having to go back to the hospital but I’m dissociating and can’t control the impulse. I was already there tonight because I too 3000mg of paracetamol and a bunch of other stuff but everything was fine so I got to go home. 

I don’t know if I can control myself but I don’t want to die. If I take it will I definitely have terminal liver failure or is that amount not that bad. I’m really overweight so it’s probably gonna have less effect on me. I’m just so scared.",0.7209295499021522,2.5053593904109626,3.2675538160469664,90.21027397260276,81.8082191780822,6.911154598825831,23.442270058708417,7.957251820313856,1.1494105675146775,525,19,122,10,14,183,84,146,0.157,0.705,0.138,-0.8684,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,0,2,4,0,15,3,1,3,0,20,29,13,2,6,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,6,3,1,2,2,0,0,3,7,4,1,0,3,0,15,2,19,24,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,3,80,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071229404486488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432366781472278,0.1567150944956305,0.11441538462446325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210253828809766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935023517208609,0.0,0.0,0.19479480544716785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868559028366345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333953365694308,0.0,0.15011454796808138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580608305581562,0.0,0.18827051690016208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315068992599452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236386888684008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024038909897827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602880594721638,0.0,0.0,0.18791257230274655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580383303310026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486259192346926,0.2053047342198777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141121128455133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428227413709159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875777208940854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway652__,2019/03/14,"Lost my only friend due to my own stupidity 
17 and a senior in high school I only had a friend in middle school she stuck with me through high school helped me with my problems we had a lot in common liked the same games, bands, and etc however, I told her how I loved her and now she does not even talk to me. I such a idiot I know I am ugly as shit and shouldnt have tried in the first place but hey now I can go buy that helium tank ",1.9612053571428592,2.6825171145833373,3.4023214285714296,95.09625000000004,75.77083333333334,6.735714285714287,17.88095238095238,6.868970318607317,-0.33217976190476195,337,4,85,3,7,111,65,96,0.142,0.768,0.09,-0.4588,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,2,5,9,3,0,6,0,6,2,1,1,0,15,12,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,5,0,1,5,0,18,4,10,6,4,15,0,1,0,1,14,8,1,1,7,57,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799885244605202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135884887951352,0.11925031231205248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357411525444042,0.0,0.0,0.2789820168058572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260964170483557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210175806177957,0.3815179450261025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992245099019736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820667816309176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19708957084779893,0.15349553178958586,0.16295170255681593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746299203222559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863432896844404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727601409778477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481729258627782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853300224138632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451177177179003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252143961011154,0.0,0.12258030332501613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iztaaar,2019/03/14,"Told my mother, she didn’t care Sorry if my english isn’t the best, it’s only my second language.

Today my mom found out about me skipping school a few days ago. She was super mad and asked why I did it and why I lied to her. The truth is that I just don’t care about anything in my life anymore. The only time I “feel something positive” is when I get high, so I am often skipping school to do that. I didn’t know what to answer at first so I “came clear” about not caring anymore and just wanting to escape this life (I didn’t use the word “suicide” but it’s pretty obvious that I meant it). It was the first time I told one of my parents about it and I kinda hoped for a helpful response. But my mom just didn’t say anything. There was complete silence for about 10 seconds and then she just began to talk about something different.

The only thing that kept me alive so far is that I would hurt my family massively but after that talk with my mother I really don’t have anything holding me back anymore. I don’t know if she was overwhelmed but for me that’s not an excuse for not saying anything and switching the topic. Also that happened hours ago and she didn’t talk to me since then.

So I guess that’s it then.

Thanks for reading.",2.879941176470588,4.2681752980392185,3.912696078431373,89.71963235294119,74.45098039215686,6.041176470588236,24.514705882352942,6.2581,0.6476235294117649,971,30,202,6,20,314,122,255,0.061,0.805,0.134,0.9473,2,0,2,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,4,19,11,1,1,10,0,21,2,0,1,3,42,42,22,1,5,13,5,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,19,10,0,2,6,1,0,1,12,3,0,5,17,3,36,8,23,24,2,22,0,2,0,0,21,5,0,6,16,148,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771618110687254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016313556555736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982380614758769,0.0,0.0,0.3299610355460852,0.0,0.09371232260005513,0.0,0.0,0.07707956849185955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051973278859069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464963462021205,0.3066088391656209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510136356769477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464751039833076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473108997203463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449881707681122,0.0,0.05068514228673924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705308314774354,0.0,0.10990969140072772,0.0,0.0,0.05237207533213383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104273745074266,0.0,0.08864327630828467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718980152335133,0.1059107068288687,0.0,0.09956248256612901,0.09871773985723116,0.0,0.10731065820508623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018027451104154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160715002162588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23480339611250756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792627215025976,0.22871465961342405,0.0,0.0,0.1113063843840736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198169924046027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002686820990236,0.0,0.0642173071636493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943221636872118,0.0,0.2028996112309693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292085042052381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434169327468628,0.0,0.11221221427313263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964799164693736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417110952279352,0.0,0.09228895625224412,0.0,0.0,0.06659603516258368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690331404561227,0.0,0.0950172734969725,0.191570203713388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657651893343422,0.0,0.0,0.05912506649129552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809048241824458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120872482187712,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlyH88,2019/03/14,"Waiting for the day I’ve been kind of a black sheep in the family my whole life. I love my family so so much and I don’t at all resent them for me feeling left out. I 100% feel like it’s me and my choices that set me apart. I always thought my family’s life would be easier without me. But I thought it was just the “normal” kind of depressed you see on Instagram right? But lately....I’ve been feeling like I don’t really care to be an active participant in life. For example, my brother is getting married soon and I think I’m excited. I don’t have anything against her and no negative feelings toward their marriage but I’m concerned that I don’t feel ANYTHING about anything. I say I “think” I’m happy about them because I don’t really know how I feel about anything at all. I feel nothing. Not happy or sad I’m just kind of here...existing uselessly. I genuinely cannot comprehend the feeling of love so I don’t understand the purpose of marriage. I don’t understand how someone could ever feel that way about another person. I’m just floating through this world doing nothing and I see no purpose. I think about death daily now and the only thing holding me back is that I would hate to break my parents hearts.  It I’ve decided that once they are gone I have no reason to stick around so I guess I’m preparing in a way? Not sure how I’m feeling I just know I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired. ",1.3216017412657663,3.608984685121108,3.275564237080033,88.18296126799866,82.77162629757785,6.497198348029915,25.58555642370801,7.717688229018142,1.5749811586114522,1110,47,226,20,31,373,138,289,0.115,0.742,0.142,0.5716,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,4,0,22,17,2,0,9,0,24,7,1,4,4,55,62,17,1,5,11,2,10,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,10,8,0,2,21,0,0,1,16,5,0,0,6,14,41,12,29,50,4,23,0,3,3,2,14,13,0,2,7,149,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584826291107083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558396625269308,0.0,0.0,0.09040126667917586,0.0,0.0,0.3000511948796119,0.08114727666299805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700925689256334,0.0,0.055567242396017735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293859844192222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277985076067324,0.0,0.0,0.058787434428154026,0.0,0.0785116685878835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824549169139308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577984664008625,0.0,0.460907072879372,0.13024230151982835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762472561563109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004175102479456,0.0,0.0,0.19407238666869647,0.0,0.0899966913770184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080191148003566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847717179608925,0.10019280902209517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904017504675196,0.0,0.19315641844118991,0.0890674579133626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454189423792331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700941399085067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893125467101574,0.17493136339534288,0.0,0.0,0.09707710083698562,0.0,0.06932748568318628,0.0,0.0,0.10121684088212916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959303065542878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679245529409085,0.0937225226300246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784587259057006,0.0,0.07249011530189929,0.0,0.0,0.145277467463424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723533633875093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591250944558393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055933207903572,0.17522533143718105,0.0,0.1447337769895201,0.0,0.10476926393667643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897911410995808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376558119563765,0.1447091933819245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017713030210111,0.0,0.0878701678633587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295077943569705,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoudestOfTheLargest,2019/03/14,I've been writing down shit on my enotions I started to write whenever I would have a mental break I've collected bout 8 entrees now I just finished the 8th and are looking for a way out!,0.5853846153846156,3.020766512820515,2.580205128205129,90.45646153846157,89.0,5.171282051282052,28.312820512820515,6.742157984588678,1.5665958974358976,150,8,30,2,5,50,33,39,0.115,0.885,0.0,-0.5983,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,5,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,3,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998755506520877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798825771898719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887971584385734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370462621070848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37797356489006906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33826823002849016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeekCuteGuy,2019/03/14,"Any medicine to to numb feelings and emotions? :( I'm depressed now and i don't know what to do, every time i see my sleeping pills my mind would like to grab and take all the pills at once.  please help me, i have 4 siblings, i love them. i don't know what to do.  i missed my father who passed month ago :(",0.02393406593406766,1.9994186461538448,1.1021978021978036,103.69923076923077,85.61538461538461,3.7142857142857135,18.516483516483518,3.1291,-1.043043956043956,232,6,58,0,7,72,44,65,0.187,0.654,0.159,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,1,9,14,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,11,2,6,13,1,6,0,2,1,1,5,1,0,0,5,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713367164227495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819176589512543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304081059669733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30091553241085345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253908010747432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526234711219334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793079755924585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940357245426613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069308454538486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414404564662939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701113443131563,0.0,0.21352590832911086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848920592176363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936483691898978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131728106151341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677056730738656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011360916895144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598867764390606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900331896038376,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,restlesssheep,2019/03/14,"I'm so tired ""Fight and keep fighting""-content displaying derivations of this Idea has been always a common part of Internet. Yet, no one talks about how hard it is to do that. it's easy to say how you can ""build yourself up from ruin"" but no one talks about the process, the path to reconstruction.


Every new day has become a new battle. I try so hard to fight and stand but it's so useless. Every day I try to build myself up again but every day there's a new shock, a new pain to ruin me. it's becoming so hard to build myself up. I've already lost every shred of my own identity, I'm nothing but a skeleton wearing my previous self as a costume.


I've started to feel like I just can't do this anymore. Again and again and again and again I am being broken. I am getting tired, so tired. I've lost the ability to smile.I can only cry and cry.

 i'm so tired. I just want to rest for once.",1.4995187165775403,3.26803627807487,3.276470588235295,91.16411764705884,79.26737967914437,6.1112299465240625,21.695187165775398,7.048011613610866,0.5037187165775401,692,20,153,8,17,231,95,187,0.328,0.627,0.046,-0.9961,0,0,0,0,4,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,19,11,3,0,9,0,12,6,1,2,0,19,22,19,0,1,6,0,4,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,10,0,2,3,5,12,1,21,18,3,19,0,5,0,0,7,3,0,0,16,95,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451377913739112,0.0,0.08634570967630605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102912858218024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22921363350704985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279749429117773,0.20077095575806653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497258676607009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246968984544729,0.07413395853106325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05421601726386805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788750568719718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714472586576345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223635241091067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506972247446902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265564121943389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008903643998633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995709864491175,0.0,0.0,0.11051263197570714,0.14063570787347052,0.07892245282409664,0.11041956417537577,0.0,0.0,0.11237378266276232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252279234922534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825569027572833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344958389943489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681425268000427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477077580931976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090727179296406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061206771075818275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mansonfamily,2019/03/14,I think Im finally going to do it I was diagnosed borderline personality a few years ago and struggle with bad depression and mental health my whole life but things are only getting worse and every person just hurts me or forgets about me I have decided to hand myself over a train track so if the rope doesn’t work a train will get me ,4.32089552238806,5.773870940298513,5.4867462686567166,79.59220895522391,70.94029850746269,8.942089552238807,26.832835820895525,9.3871,2.3026441791044774,271,9,52,6,5,90,56,67,0.203,0.738,0.06,-0.85,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,0,6,4,1,0,0,11,10,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,8,0,5,8,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965528923737372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851377616306808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19097827541961587,0.2250542891734292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681958390331188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428976218497701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316926421000632,0.0,0.1260159522466452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356917700996316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373697220069685,0.0,0.2395096487248481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566165486124996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345467373104969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686379094100202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872173398780692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180343546110105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730952747580428,0.14207752898218193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475569337365907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142423729596522,0.0,0.22596483164126704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278875784504186
suicidewatch,wolfman111111,2019/03/14,"Suicidal Thoughts I feel very suicidal - I keep having intrusive thoughts to hang myself. This is the very first time I have posted anything like this - This is how desperate I am because I am putting this out there in cyber space to complete strangers - I have nobody to turn to - I feel isolated - I am 48 years old and have felt this way since I was about 13. I have cut myself off from everyone including myself. I have been trying my best to get well the last 2 months - I am having MDMA therapy - taking vitamins and supplements and I am on day 58 of abstinence from PMO as i have been addicted to masturbating since the age of about 13. It helped sooth my emotional pain of feeling abandoned and unwanted.   I am very fit for my age and do high intensity training most days. I have been fit most of my life - My fanatical fitness is linked to my lack of self worth. I

I have always failed in everything I have attempted - Failed my exams in school - failed in apprenticeship - failed in University - Failed in work and business ventures - failed relationships - failed marriage and now my own son does not want to see me for the last 2 years. I realise that the internal relationship I have with myself is how my outer world manifests itself. But I dont know how to change this as it is subconscious. I want to be able to love and accept myself for who I am - All I can feel is deep self hatred and self loathing for myself - So if I can't love myself how can others love me.

I feel desperate - I feel so shakey and fearful inside - Somebody Please help",3.8710135135135104,5.895062614864867,4.694491891891894,82.49375135135139,73.18918918918921,8.384648648648646,27.042702702702705,9.065960079200117,2.267452054054054,1218,45,233,27,25,393,153,296,0.196,0.679,0.125,-0.9751,1,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,0,11,11,18,1,1,5,0,35,7,0,4,1,40,55,20,2,5,3,1,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,12,12,0,2,12,0,1,2,3,11,1,1,7,8,46,7,36,47,6,34,0,8,1,3,13,17,0,3,14,163,58,10,0.10643474152934976,0.0,0.0,0.11602957862489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856223126179218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875867234509422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488163054473714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169669473332862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259384379496208,0.0,0.11159480148782472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728320631990906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314175956340004,0.0,0.12474072438780574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972475849595865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017029566919375,0.09565668273482762,0.0,0.0,0.11976867484004762,0.32289961994038524,0.0,0.10219404306453066,0.0,0.0,0.090533336772652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560775951713055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426819273981222,0.11245414809856627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946040886522562,0.0,0.0,0.0584937504355701,0.1735170400042745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751780055914386,0.05199863848478345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28818452915996884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495519524206169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168535698439616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132540691944694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683338444620806,0.0,0.0,0.1019350611051135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699631270986544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228542160624906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771764070735863,0.0848147088464521,0.0,0.33310394390915005,0.0,0.0,0.17608783611869794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328446643510473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002567966305332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171740281851336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899459179661222,0.06206295371128207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226220293850362,0.11577043527851433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634594255287495,0.1255559363661504,0.08448294369657089,0.0,0.0,0.0956976149334806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748575946502019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370809678896525
suicidewatch,christalcavanaugh,2019/03/14,"Help me help a friend I might be in the wrong place, but my friend tried to kill himself the other night and his parents he lives with don’t know. I’m not the only one who knows, but our other friend just suddenly decided to stop talking to us while this is happening. 
I don’t know what to do, because his parents seem to be in denial. They know he’s not okay, but they don’t want to do anything about it. I know the only thing that helps when he gets that bad is to physically stop him, but if I’m the only one who knows, I can’t do much. I don’t want to call the police anytime he’s not talking to me just because I have that /feeling/ but I don’t feel like I can confront his parents and tell them they’re not doing enough.
My friend won’t get more help than talking to a therapist, which is a start, but I don’t think he should be alone at all right now. He has moments of lucidity and joy, but other times he gets really bad.
TLDR: I’m scared and sad and confused and I need any advice for how to help my suicidal friend without aggravating the issue.",6.161996753246754,4.4806984464285735,6.73306818181818,83.05965909090911,66.76785714285714,9.752597402597402,31.07792207792207,8.296473431620573,1.9670321428571431,828,24,187,9,11,273,115,224,0.18,0.6409999999999999,0.179,-0.5052,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,3,0,6,16,2,2,10,1,23,0,0,1,1,43,44,17,2,5,15,3,2,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,2,11,0,0,0,13,8,0,2,0,2,25,8,20,38,4,15,0,1,0,0,37,5,0,4,11,121,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820263911502207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408260577528013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834010749987833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269889654686302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781840536775405,0.12252174852085496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261672317952844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383829226891192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162667434952076,0.07179371256118597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882112872278244,0.0,0.1575136106359467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886747642625772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367987032764552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489076478668052,0.0,0.0,0.1111829277856787,0.0,0.33137684059744554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909682489766179,0.0,0.08873900585445653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660940965780016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387545445394683,0.07451583605868227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943078344843356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619614798629925,0.2292931338734363,0.0,0.0,0.33476371482286377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049959800314399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437972814402834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582225798568577,0.0,0.0,0.10061311685990457,0.0,0.0,0.09148695584053138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113094213099633,0.0,0.0,0.16803679065825242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992531773061301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242322440592439,0.08783713838712277,0.0,0.0,0.11668254544957188,0.0667644725169078,0.06439319602433112,0.0,0.0,0.058599495290365865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682295696151589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208832199479596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854921594600525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968736808344056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987560521509186,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadReaction,2019/03/14,"I slept my Suicidal thoughts away. The Triggers have returned and I slept them away but I know they will return, bigger and badder and I could only sleep so much. Sooner or later I have to wake up.

I'm tired but my overslept brain is blocking me from processing my thoughts.

Why does this have to happen, could I just have one  big breakdown and end it all. ",2.477285714285713,4.8438698714285735,2.8071428571428565,92.74785714285716,78.85714285714286,5.142857142857143,22.857142857142854,6.18269132825596,0.4014285714285717,281,9,56,2,7,86,50,70,0.14300000000000002,0.857,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,8,6,5,1,1,16,15,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,12,0,6,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381373101958452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26029217791256803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372330744284578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040465562021443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065173041629464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061893569762302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281428265009477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140502985730527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800041424174538,0.17733448251138176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333360116113821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504753245795914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702180915898848,0.0,0.26799187970284105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103975108182589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrogFishLover,2019/03/14,"Living Honestly I just need to rant. My suicidal thoughts fill my  brain and I have nobody to talk to. My friends and coworkers see me as this perfect girl with straight A's and always has a smile on her face. The person that tries to be there for everyone and ends up exiling herself. By the time I get home or shut off my phone, the waves of depression seep over my mind. I always think, ""how easy, I could do it so easily"" yet I know people love me and here I am questioning whether or not I should kill myself. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, fucked up childhood, and life is better now. I have a full ride to an ivy league school said no because I want to go to a state school because I dont think im good enough for ivy league. Im smart and yet have no idea what I want to do. I serve no true purpose, if only I could follow the advice I give to others. I just want these thoughts to soothe away and I just want to appreciate my life and my gifts. I want to be able to reassure myself that im going to be okay and these thoughts wont come in tidal waves. Im sorry if this was too personal...",2.352116858237551,3.547565456896553,3.728908045977011,91.28467432950194,75.4655172413793,7.396934865900383,22.802681992337163,7.984000788550335,0.8593325670498086,854,23,198,13,18,281,134,232,0.106,0.6809999999999999,0.212,0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,2,0,10,1,17,6,2,1,2,42,39,18,2,11,9,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,3,9,12,0,0,8,0,0,7,6,3,0,0,5,2,32,10,29,27,2,26,0,1,1,2,13,12,1,5,6,129,41,2,0.1108606148514722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833170978031877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844898248302353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415719696124116,0.0,0.0,0.135159203684864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804720484381986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375710998084667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549660342485343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702636029713797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548408512592277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992781495914876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818959958461228,0.11454865005189994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593206831785992,0.0,0.0,0.10450952133991104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565063603260208,0.10248885204603757,0.057920095656754676,0.1063476034942128,0.1260092844079269,0.09298462399116872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120223571805793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514814016689438,0.478993951266444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265084496656685,0.0,0.060926094666821785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566082616149557,0.0,0.0,0.0978919539744676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005603319083647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193761819114026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220174120261642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843144931651745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685679168482915,0.19359842559010415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418926027724855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054538315491064,0.0,0.0,0.22439372159089235,0.08834155686443299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409938203400366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126351924161748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910556289215853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207001128278074,0.0,0.2640328348236716,0.06464371603734209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526708040226979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32694231469443363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deadly_Foxx,2019/03/14,"So much pain in such little time. I always thought once I grew up id be able to forget being abused by my mother and brother mentally and physically for 16 years of my life. Once I finally started getting my depression,ptsd,anxiety under control I started to date someone who did the exact thing as them and being so us to it i did nothing about it. I ended being with that person for almost a year and half, with in the time was beat and mentally degraded almost everyday once again but also ended up being assaulted more then once by him   I thought i escaped the mental and physical abuse when i moved out of my moms house but i guess not).  Just seems like I cant catch a break and that people only want to abuse me. Ive accepted this, and only being 18 years old. I know you want to abuse me so come on just do it, nothing i haven’t heard or felt before.",2.9871428571428567,4.5116388857142855,4.7261428571428565,83.44235714285716,74.42857142857143,7.514285714285713,25.07142857142857,8.192908349453996,1.5766,675,22,133,11,14,229,110,175,0.165,0.7859999999999999,0.049,-0.975,0,0,0,0,4,0,13.0,1,1,1,2,10,5,1,0,5,0,13,2,0,1,1,32,26,18,0,2,6,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,7,2,24,2,22,13,2,29,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,5,17,96,32,0,0.10109425495665636,0.4791206442749318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024625866084364,0.0,0.0,0.08084503916448976,0.08411851861585178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733682833469811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602376502440627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708374914807382,0.0,0.0,0.1133858031528694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907900705400018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970663384546136,0.11074381485687344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528175757033529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136671930183883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664919704549312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555875868100752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140586198819382,0.049389546503761934,0.10132300188028064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056376941213497,0.0,0.0,0.11840036957603063,0.0,0.10744719410558463,0.07431590944720175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194005328316091,0.0,0.10608141469289198,0.4306483286771219,0.0,0.15377347275227055,0.10757141494882376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008602743315527,0.08827160404096095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817377413059098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920324128778586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565683416151776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431100679751921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671625309181652,0.0,0.0,0.16051509219545296,0.11789774608737835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160394130555205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192560216705294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530415706022547
suicidewatch,angelicvibez,2019/03/14,"i think i may actually do it i cant seem to build genuine relationships with people. i have good intentions for people and still i come across as fake. i care about people and i want to be a people person but i can’t connect with anyone. i’ve pushed away so many of my old friends back when i was a teen. i was going through a lot and they just didn’t understand, so i left them in the dark. there are people i should contact now so we can hone the friendship we could’ve had. yet i’m too afraid, bc what if they turn out to be fake friends who don’t really care about me at all. what if no one truly wants to be around me because i’m boring. i’ve had old friends leave me for new ones. maybe i just don’t have anything to offer. if i can’t make true friends i’ll never be happy. maybe i should just end it.",0.061238038277512175,2.0523085568181827,1.9010406698564601,97.93175837320575,85.5909090909091,4.8416267942583735,17.785885167464112,6.05967700443912,-0.4951772727272723,630,15,152,5,19,207,104,176,0.094,0.7020000000000001,0.204,0.9692,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,3,0,17,13,0,1,5,0,22,0,0,2,3,31,35,12,0,7,7,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,3,0,0,3,8,4,0,2,5,0,24,9,20,23,2,20,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,6,10,102,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.1270787333661784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910548564736784,0.0,0.1071623238746037,0.11592596052538692,0.0,0.0,0.12234867026791847,0.1001333465834112,0.0,0.07938265106859306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655417837127698,0.0,0.0,0.11217546924271928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397236300811727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533880801138564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024394562034864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740086563315389,0.10922476249927608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862466345886446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378872135080711,0.14148752607655274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071082475192888,0.0,0.0,0.086924774952863,0.13202554790128446,0.2616527461889667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004359030538952,0.12577005646672434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27329398624932444,0.0,0.17648476981443936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514006971211222,0.11370558457773206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834241031791736,0.0,0.0,0.13981062466393934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855000733327775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039961498416894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344155503658855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416450849125415,0.0,0.13556659715489006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536176418882102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thegreatcornholio12,2019/03/14,"I just spend my day trying to convince myself not to do it. Every day I sit down at least one point or another and speculate upon just why I haven't blown my brains out yet. I'am much too cowardly to think of jumping from a bridge or throwing myself in front of a subway. Philosophers can debate until the end of time yet there will never be an optimal way of living. To some this might add to their excitement in life but for me it has become a disaster. Ultimately I wish I could remain ignorant and happy but I know that would be a miserable existence as well, just one that I wasn't aware of. All of my friends seem to be betraying me one by one and I just wan to be in a kind loving relationship with another person. ",5.069467275494669,5.330905246575345,6.3352968036529695,78.535197869102,68.45205479452055,10.050532724505327,28.55098934550989,9.994966539143718,2.6060541856925417,570,18,114,13,9,193,99,146,0.125,0.7070000000000001,0.168,0.7989,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,1,7,0,13,3,1,0,2,26,18,9,0,3,9,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,4,2,1,4,1,0,16,7,26,9,4,21,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,5,8,93,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35753674257814644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828727124611466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903176256644553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611838777176494,0.0,0.0,0.21989742248613134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509990937957353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364095254392426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171627625191049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148443633959693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753387660044476,0.09369408900863883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041858651437908,0.0,0.0,0.15054136489578807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538693548453987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085762721910686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532607998825426,0.0,0.13148853024558238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621001512014695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886091270387505,0.0,0.0,0.16116341613270607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303707131416286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552031270778837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923989429635927,0.0,0.0,0.09941116556663512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157481136645208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532304541041842,0.0,0.0,0.15328647564440595,0.0,0.15383618142414093,0.0,0.1960493186831598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110764165838085,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eggsgongiveittoya,2019/03/14,"About to die and I'm scared Goodbye to my family and my partner, I love you all so much. I feel so alone.

I'm sorry I just needed to get this out I have no one right now and I think this is the most pain I've ever felt",-2.589368131868131,-0.9003394423076898,0.6956043956043985,103.30653846153848,97.26923076923076,3.740659340659341,11.274725274725276,5.288315135182226,-1.6546736263736266,167,2,46,1,7,59,37,52,0.289,0.638,0.07200000000000001,-0.8903,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,12,10,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,8,1,5,9,3,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965345994413926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29714837133649896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589870931868441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699110331644576,0.0,0.1447687869953066,0.0,0.27490600927922376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495870678505222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25840925254111324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047348048097053,0.21229794770328292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401354283815336,0.0,0.3046579160903232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445102974255613,0.0,0.0,0.28664991699975073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205046965139719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345822962054595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaay227700,2019/03/14,"I tried to hurt myself With a box cutter. It didn’t really work out. I have been feeling so incredibly suicidal lately and no amount of feel good get better talks from my mom is helping. I may actyally just try to over dose because i have a lot of my medication lying around. 
 
Does anyone know if duloxetine can kill you? I don’t want to be in a coma I just want to die ",1.7477922077922088,3.5779749480519527,4.17792207792208,84.70116883116887,78.74025974025976,6.997402597402598,21.38961038961039,7.957251820313856,0.977706493506494,289,8,61,5,7,101,61,77,0.255,0.608,0.136,-0.939,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,1,0,2,4,4,1,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,14,15,3,3,3,3,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,10,2,12,11,2,5,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,1,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714407405584385,0.0,0.0,0.20006706321109094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369999765128207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876507695428647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332455889448239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667229022165286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727151982475266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741785284703238,0.0,0.0,0.18850201770270067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063909875745496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405897989364559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864252557858174,0.0,0.12351173003111166,0.0,0.2535175424379389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910666900960944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264028290735277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632138447624752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397478570316632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458300853369709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806382353635375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30516865936387005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651160303585046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361406360566436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wht-vr,2019/03/14,"I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this What's the most painless, easiest way to kill yourself? I just tried hanging myself, but it hurt so bad, I ended up stopping. Am I doing it wrong? (This is my first time trying) I used two purse straps put together, but I think they were too thick or something, idk. Does anyone have any tips that could help me die almost painlessly? I don't have access to a gun, and last time I tried pills, I got freaked out and threw them up. I want something that will get the job done pretty quickly. 
 PLEASE don't leave bs comments like ""your family will miss you"" or ""you're worth more than that"". I've made my mind up years ago, I just haven't found the right way to do it. I'm just so scared of the physical pain that comes along with it. 
If this isnt the right subreddit for this kind of post, please point me to the correct one! 
Thank you!!",2.062335164835165,3.825245494505495,2.65614010989011,96.2794848901099,77.57142857142857,6.088461538461537,20.166208791208803,6.9077264865688965,0.07255934065934078,688,16,158,7,16,213,118,182,0.217,0.633,0.15,-0.9616,1,0,2,1,0,1,28.0,0,3,2,1,7,12,1,1,8,0,16,2,0,2,2,28,29,10,2,4,10,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,6,0,1,2,0,1,4,5,8,0,3,6,1,20,4,15,20,2,25,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,6,10,94,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868598324205253,0.0,0.13407214609424947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105023370233536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361945600016766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179310062041138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533493998865092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690078970895632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389573566973529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716861059816412,0.13701662138717002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858737556579547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622018940669744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388731898764325,0.0,0.14680418755882746,0.0,0.0,0.0699523387966924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070845844147527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974408079185225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333271064116912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328658110371071,0.0,0.14813016731959258,0.1394265089335466,0.0,0.10913875037205037,0.0,0.14177086668338468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541220879675529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669057092192373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351913891545562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072776995216517,0.0,0.14246909221284113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939434554642558,0.1265699420835569,0.0,0.12823023246404644,0.13621492620045092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459708468152956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34302565209482816,0.0,0.0,0.13404789864620856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061511282479503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119385791136744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126190353643508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232685222804034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579172262592766,0.0,0.0,0.15614543014981971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27270888879774025,0.0,0.1307917105469357,0.0,0.0,0.11563853343336836,0.0,0.0,0.07897217470086372,0.21255233267162452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638840790581814,0.0,0.08622118919789827
suicidewatch,PJ-Arch,2019/03/14,"Ran a half marathon, made it on to the college’s dean list, have a 3.9 GPA and yet I feel empty For the past 4 years I’ve dealt with depression, usually I had someone to talk to which at the time was my girlfriend, last year we broke up so I have been really in my own now, I decided to you know handle it the way a healthy person would by every time I felt sad or depressed do something healthy to avoid the thought, such as go out and run, read books, draw, and whatnot, (notice all of these are single activities cause every time I try to open up to someone they just dip on me and really just stay away from me) hell I even ran a half marathon last month and you wanna know what I felt when I finished? Empty. I literally didn’t feel any positive emotion, I told my family about the even and no one. No one showed up to greet me at the finish line, I have talked to my parents about how I’ve felt and they say it’s nothing compared to their childhood, and I honestly really don’t see who the fuck cares about me, I keep listening to Kendrick Lamar’s song “feel” which is exactly what I think about, everyone wants ME to care or pray for them, but “who the fuck praying for me?” So I ask myself this and throughout the day I think of easy fast ways to end it, maybe by jumping off a bridge, jumping off a roof, Hell maybe by just hanging and just end this confusion and negative emotions that I knew trying to get rid off but keep coming back ",5.224801271860095,4.906926297297304,5.631669316375199,85.69854531001593,68.12162162162164,9.126868044515103,29.911764705882355,8.671277953709913,1.9637132750397448,1128,37,248,16,17,362,169,296,0.135,0.79,0.07400000000000001,-0.9607,2,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,2,4,0,18,13,4,2,16,0,12,2,0,3,2,49,41,20,0,3,8,1,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,14,16,0,3,13,6,0,8,5,10,0,4,13,10,36,3,43,27,3,46,4,4,1,2,18,14,4,3,21,160,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233456249523358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944064929367977,0.0,0.09993716997188284,0.08179118951964452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169005540920744,0.10927025605608068,0.0,0.09162746854409336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859920051993403,0.0,0.1832309148716815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393015995307176,0.18842271085328915,0.0,0.0,0.1405114328041914,0.0,0.1792409277931658,0.1016401307429051,0.0,0.0,0.10027521959633144,0.0,0.1613500760208326,0.0,0.30639274125592064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966728392462292,0.055573408399140815,0.0,0.06045194975147234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909129591098656,0.0,0.0,0.11691523305311186,0.1734098516484376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006489126636219,0.0,0.0,0.2137239000001888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490271504935222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206391715774173,0.1211018030489706,0.0,0.0,0.14415676443211012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181101783265125,0.0,0.10154123930968767,0.0,0.09287730146812026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106397777529234,0.0,0.20442810112064824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845888922297757,0.0,0.0,0.08476231543775971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025220444691176,0.08188804719856417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337519323396585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709907340825933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363139108933388,0.0,0.08444509856817772,0.18607384489163967,0.0,0.0,0.1016401307429051,0.0,0.14443512742087472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715041761689662,0.0,0.06273918774288235,0.1688615104647332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556148044567051,0.0,0.0,0.13699628754030893
suicidewatch,FutureFirefighter17,2019/03/14,"I just want to be done with life I'm 17 years old, I'm transgender, and I have borderline personality disorder. I hate my life, every day I suffer from anxiety and mood swings that could be caused by anything or even nothing. I feel like I'll never become the person and that nobody will ever love me. Even if someone likes me, they're liking the fake persona of me created out of anxiety. A lot of people say I'm pretty, but I'm not pretty on the inside, I'm an awful person. I miss my ex, I miss being loved for me, I miss the days when I could just text her and be reminded that everything would be alright. Now all I want to do is crash my car in to a semi truck head on at full throttle to just end it. I'm tired of the mood swings, the anxiety, the intrusive thoughts, fact that I'm not loved and everything.",3.8905080213903744,4.2476977941176495,5.569037433155081,82.66157754010696,71.05882352941177,9.005347593582886,26.631016042780754,9.095868883498916,1.908470588235294,635,19,136,12,11,218,101,170,0.172,0.667,0.162,0.2835,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,15,1,0,10,2,13,7,1,1,4,28,31,9,0,6,8,1,1,3,0,2,3,1,0,3,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,2,18,7,17,20,3,16,0,4,0,3,9,6,0,3,12,85,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304553265817242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920360995985563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656050458452555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632297013051373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190576997619165,0.0,0.0,0.1711654589453245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208961949756153,0.0,0.0,0.13580167524315315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753584420256312,0.0,0.0,0.17529871850332812,0.1200378434027431,0.11180835722199063,0.0,0.23853055942385296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709883789618294,0.09480335181569162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101715641234685,0.13619199680586913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746470416296848,0.19449656792046874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281970460710375,0.3593100606906119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023490606259868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273325132775122,0.0,0.13924991918646812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919998445007672,0.3476145307285577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27001417760656954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553108819379632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124391795611986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535169464478772,0.0,0.15252306313010985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654383407495814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426870416159623,0.0,0.0,0.08545665347742877
suicidewatch,StartCoyote,2019/03/14,"I’m 17, trans, and I think I will finally kill myself in a few hours so this is my note I know this is gonna sound really dumb but I don’t know what to do and this is what’s pushed me over the edge.
So there’s this science fair and the registration date is by midnight right and I went to register and I saw that the actual fair is on March 23rd, 2 months before I thought it was. I haven’t even done half of my research and I’ve had over a year. My dad was so excited for me do enter and maybe win. He’s also deployed right now and I can’t bear the thought of letting him down. I haven’t talked to him in 2 weeks because I’m scared of disappointing him. I miss him so much.
I haven’t been able to do anything for months, not even sleep for fucks sake. I just can’t bring myself to do it because I see no future for myself. I came out as trans (ftm) in August and bisexual 2 years ago. I live with my mom and her and that side of the family think being queer is a disease. I just want her to be proud of me be I feel like she never will and that I’ve made her feel like she failed as a mother.
I can’t even look at myself in the mirror any more and I haven’t showered for a few days because I’m scared I looking down and seeing myself. I know that I can’t do anything I want or go to any of the colleges I want because I’m some freak. No one will ever love me because no one want to be with some fucking disgusting piece of shit like me. I just want to be held and be normal but I can’t and it’s killing me.
I’ve been feeling like this for years and it only gets worse everyday.  I can’t focus on shit. I can’t take care of myself. I can’t understand other people or get them to like or respect me. Hell I can’t even eat without hating every inch of myself. I’m crying so hard that I would puke if there was anything to come up.
I don’t see any reason why I should live. I know it will cause my dad to hurt because I saw how much it hurt him when I tired 2 years ago but I feel so much worse then I did then. It’s gotten to where I don’t even care how much it will hurt him I just want it to all stop. I want to die more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. ",0.04686795491143414,1.61527859465021,2.248541778493472,97.75945249597423,83.01234567901236,5.213741277509394,17.766863481839327,6.046907544983943,-0.5360470925031313,1671,35,422,12,46,565,197,486,0.21,0.66,0.13,-0.9948,1,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,1,3,25,31,10,2,12,0,49,10,3,5,3,71,101,38,3,12,13,4,5,5,0,8,2,1,1,0,22,22,1,2,14,0,0,7,22,19,0,3,17,13,74,12,51,69,12,50,1,6,7,4,19,19,7,6,29,278,96,3,0.07151661439072943,0.0,0.0697898992497005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267903271835774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719181069002521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590125058470188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354083201324333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615751860362367,0.0,0.060855371398966976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179595461953205,0.14583190940768562,0.07346726313737548,0.0,0.06160523078380669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855764274671645,0.046122299860128516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742229547203175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318632655988437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317935066407183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23618024657911305,0.06469087211985883,0.060255832110475936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741949923189397,0.0,0.1446437962791296,0.153274450831297,0.0,0.07834295536054962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223191520171607,0.07472895855950196,0.0,0.04064454005927692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406483919944526,0.0706078505804361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042945924994104,0.0,0.22968004454123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824507551077532,0.0,0.15721464379240027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313058361339031,0.050514299741728906,0.1746970267379161,0.0,0.12630096150425713,0.0,0.12011188833723822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454653668268061,0.0676707497359026,0.0,0.0,0.07184805164180001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375939442176286,0.11416775859675968,0.0,0.2102917615372148,0.0,0.055158021877558035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007109768792409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692301755137256,0.054391607906218484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958061563700188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045815374466273165,0.07353099066897673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221495958590814,0.0,0.0,0.14320121435874694,0.0,0.17096844714639747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682155390143944,0.0,0.0,0.07156826283434509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979109193266055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377159366935128,0.057482345646063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164991757451256,0.0,0.11355240668578415,0.0,0.08219782772316628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445131774961943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374588167939077,0.0,0.057366314248563074,0.0,0.0,0.06629661803450576,0.06453262078984895,0.0,0.0,0.0689394641963272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576307979890293,0.05080335095126565,0.0,0.0,0.1842174196132918
suicidewatch,Feather_Hearts17,2019/03/14,"I'm depressed for seemingly no reason. So I live a pretty decent life, I have a nice family, a twin brother and an older sister, and my mom and dad. We live in a small but decent house. However my mom and dad are getting a divorce and that's putting a huge strain on the family. I have friends at school, they're all pretty nice. I'm a fairly attractive person, and have a few guys and girls at school who like me. But I just feel numb. Like nothing I do has any meaning I have struggled with self-harm and an eating disorder in the past, I've kind of corrected myself. We have a family farm that I visit (my biological mom and stepdad) every second weekend. Its a three hour drive and I go via public bus so it sucks. When I'm old enough to drive I want to. Drive everywhere, the feeling of freedom would be amazing. But instead I'm here living my mediocre life. I'm just tired and numb. I could go to the school counselor, but I don't see the point. My previous therapist was really nice but treated me like I was fucking stupid. I just can't everything is so hard and I have no one to talk to. Goodbye, maybe tonight is the night. Can someone please talk to me? I'm only a young teen so everyone just disregards my problems ' oh it's just teen angst' I don't think teen angst is wanting for everything to be over, I don't thing teen angst means I am incapable of feeling happy. It's just hard. Goodbye, and thanks for reading this whole thing. Please someone talk to me I'm so alone rn.",1.3982363861386131,3.6624092145214533,3.0572679455445564,90.0083771658416,82.26732673267327,6.163737623762376,23.33013613861386,7.413659706084162,1.0438185643564353,1164,42,242,18,32,384,156,303,0.152,0.649,0.199,0.9583,1,1,0,0,1,0,37.0,2,0,0,1,14,22,3,2,19,0,24,7,0,1,2,43,47,24,0,5,11,7,5,3,1,1,5,0,0,3,10,16,1,1,8,2,0,7,6,9,0,3,2,6,30,13,21,41,4,25,0,1,1,1,20,9,2,1,12,145,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754718222320624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404898176586023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519900226955031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112134172603543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794408895101967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637469612228418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973182093420243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935486522557474,0.08999773629737437,0.16929468302337156,0.0,0.26636750772839485,0.0,0.14286819081347787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276704285839854,0.08707244960216452,0.04920773829879485,0.0,0.10705493179966036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325788789048503,0.0,0.10026160876275307,0.1687423939660848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275318340044138,0.10867676307632568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807911045628898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133051202101722,0.13804199719634205,0.0,0.24950105476068074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462142094895948,0.20518999886174494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309247531522761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838617602812125,0.0,0.09037297999029474,0.0,0.09883123984886696,0.0,0.06382214572145947,0.0716318829833214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991017240835024,0.0,0.08223864751495419,0.0,0.20677353866848094,0.08903520159122658,0.0,0.0,0.19163986669101554,0.0,0.09012225753250834,0.0,0.09468186815081306,0.0,0.0,0.09421041723100224,0.0,0.060337277549574415,0.09683779395397604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859605306949164,0.07505319460891051,0.08574242243406899,0.09825542238775976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960517016519052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846253800330183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271068358941564,0.0,0.08671282889457962,0.0,0.10935596239597796,0.12514456413023106,0.0603498997717437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825172124164943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110542327572773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051541101948436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690627158469452,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notasupervillan,2019/03/14,"Suicidal thoughts increasing more and more Last year, an ex spread a false rumor that I raped her. She went straight to my peers, and because of this my career and social life have completely evaporated. I moved to my town years ago as a stranger and worked my ass off to get where I was. Now it's all over. My life long dream, the only thing I did that mattered, all gone. I don't have the money to move away, so I just live day by day in a meaningless hourly job, isolated from the community that once made me feel accepted for the first time in my life. The hardest thing about it is that I can't talk to anyone. I'm lucky to have a supportive girlfriend and a very, very small number of friends who are on my side, but I feel excluded from everything I once loved. Excluded from the mental health awareness craze all my former peers claim to be all about. In this era, it's not a good rumor to have going around. It's a rumor that makes me completely powerless in almost every way. And there's nothing I can do about it. I live in constant anxiety of what's going to happen with it next.",4.796142857142859,5.2477879909090905,5.2885714285714265,85.13500000000002,69.0909090909091,9.012987012987011,27.532467532467532,9.04235418022936,1.8993831168831163,858,26,182,15,14,275,130,220,0.133,0.7909999999999999,0.076,-0.9271,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,0,14,0,13,7,1,2,4,24,27,9,1,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,17,8,0,0,4,1,1,7,3,1,0,1,6,2,23,6,32,20,7,38,0,0,0,3,12,15,1,2,15,119,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506074575236387,0.0,0.12997694161376225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929740194906464,0.0,0.0,0.09075987012165754,0.0,0.0,0.11555040036830967,0.0,0.0,0.12195230274492568,0.0,0.0,0.07912547863914403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721877365666987,0.1402687573739843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742180056170433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936293221362718,0.0,0.11665676005486778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126256109610634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040865565170314,0.0,0.0,0.10028392276752818,0.0,0.06781565985474876,0.0,0.14753778758567532,0.10887091191416948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147825866439312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379723824353238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278278285771877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880745379801115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058051310294898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750468333925681,0.0,0.0,0.22923330419172114,0.114869791412229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715046110242233,0.1228208350462093,0.08664316864149628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080886824324922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27591582047371155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804482525829662,0.0,0.0,0.12454755050654184,0.0,0.0,0.27646763587380824,0.0,0.09871950183231776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231576292097996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198121533523872,0.14729662506266675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432911886180277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246802001331552,0.0,0.0,0.10304748702418634,0.07568800100944086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419882095988388,0.0,0.1030299839987184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120326818005055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944966665281292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167175163532719
suicidewatch,Nathan7154,2019/03/14,"I'm doing it tonight and will be livestreaming on youtube come and watch Goodbye world
 Suck my dick",8.39736842105263,8.018169789473685,5.483157894736844,89.59210526315792,61.631578947368425,7.6,40.05263157894737,3.1291,2.2786421052631582,82,4,16,0,1,22,18,19,0.279,0.721,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chicken_loops,2019/03/14,"Don’t want to but I know it’ll be soon I can’t do this to my parents I just can’t, I think of my mom and dad at my funeral and they’d be so broken.  I can’t do this to them but I wrote another suicide note tonight-I’ve written a lot of them.  Im confused and conflicted...I don’t want to kill my self but I will, if not tonight then soon and I don’t fucking want to commit suicide but I have these incredibly dark and desperate moments where it’s all I want and I know it’ll be an impulsive thing; I won’t keep a gun in my house.

But I’m so close.  And then one of these days it just won’t be enough.  And it’ll be a mistake but I can’t stop it, it hurts so bad...it’s hurt so bad for 15 years now and I’ve tried so hard to get better but eventually I fell into drinking and drugs and now I’m a boozehound and a pill head, and I can’t get either my drinking or my bipolar disorder under control and then one day I won’t have to worry about it anymore, I won’t have to worry about anything anymore.  My parents will, though. 

I am a constant disappointment.",-1.0356954997077779,0.943632432203394,1.733793103448278,97.12669491525426,91.20338983050848,4.780596142606663,20.426066627703094,6.311591054244273,0.03231461133839897,818,29,201,9,29,283,107,236,0.303,0.647,0.05,-0.9972,2,0,3,1,0,3,22.0,0,0,3,2,15,9,2,1,7,0,29,7,1,1,2,45,44,32,4,6,13,4,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,13,16,2,3,3,2,0,1,13,8,0,2,2,1,29,1,18,27,4,21,0,3,0,1,9,6,1,4,14,138,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225333575152204,0.0,0.0,0.2501647408703773,0.0,0.0,0.10379034521896244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106186533860793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154754602687866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629660292739731,0.14146020756510816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626807216357416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455047885024533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471094835084965,0.14626526343664473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032111251243414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660077366874512,0.13179048900872975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298346249048542,0.0,0.1294409073998315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455316200751458,0.2700394061340465,0.0,0.13623692768855608,0.0,0.0,0.11210592922616484,0.1395389169526748,0.0,0.13863029262100676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107227188670569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477163841528687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093148527055047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800943582002792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157615663631594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054463677276726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759211344276935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379202069479902,0.08081597607932248,0.12391743092910558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563077477685152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29756779261258337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25617265452122234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122053445797378
suicidewatch,cyborg-catgirl,2019/03/14,"I wish someone could offer me a way to die. I've never been successful before. It would be easier to get somebody to provide me with something I can use to die.

Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?",2.41,4.759872000000001,3.945000000000004,84.59000000000002,79.0,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.3392499999999998,160,6,29,2,4,53,32,40,0.23,0.654,0.116,-0.7485,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870670683592096,0.2472171194297848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053092219738133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264030107080554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008155150782511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111434020565261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015562345162191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199705874242248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605743739676792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860879376292533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443348385706792,0.18574706286030446,0.238629431449382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838613032363895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830294001629179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27745700190907063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139648017404086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,June_is_Finally_Here,2019/03/14,"I have never experienced anything and never will and just need it all to stop I can't fucking stand my stupid life anymore. I am so young and I am practically a doomer already. I don't enjoy anything except the same songs over and over again, I never move from my desk, and I have absolutely no friends.

Let me start off by saying that I am a teen. I have been homeschooled since grade 6 and have been going to community college since 13. I hated school because I didn't learn anything and I was bullied. I switched schools a couple of times only to end up being patronized by stupid teachers with ego problems. The first two years of homeschooling were amazing. I was going to the park every week with a whole bunch of kids, meeting up with different homeschool groups around the city. I was even doing theatre and Boy Scouts and a bunch of extra curricular stuff. When I started going to college, it was about an hour from my house. It was the only college around that would accept me, so we made the commute twice a week and I finished a chemistry class. The next semester, I couldn't get a class schedule that worked (because of my age I had to crash rather than register) so I missed a semester to study for a proficiency test that would allow me to go to college near my house. That semester was awful. It was where I learned how to spend all day on the internet looking at garbage memes and watching youtube. I would literally look up a music genre on wikipedia, pick a few bands and listen to them for hours, or scroll through massive reddit threads about middle school stories. I spent all day at the computer, and my parents just thought I was working. I still managed to get my work done back then. It got worse after the summer. My Boy Scout troop disbanded, I left the Wednesday classes I had with other kids, and the two friends I had left stopped talking to me. I have spent the most part of a year completely alone. I spend all day listening to music and doing homework. I even take night classes due to my low priority enrollment, so I don't get out of my chair until 5 in the afternoon. My life became a cycle of procrastination and isolation, holding everything in until it was night and I could browse reddit and listen to shoe gaze until 3 AM. I used to be smart and create beautiful art and learn beautiful things. I used to try to drown it all out by dedicating myself to violin and piano and all the other stuff I play, but it stopped giving me any joy and now I'm just a vegetable. I'm just wasting my life. I don't know what it's like to have friends. To know people that want to see me. Nobody is ever excited to hear from me, and no one ever wonders what I'm up to. Its like the whole world is a play where I haven't been given a script. And I'm just drowning in thoughts that I will never experience life. That I will waste away until I become a sad adult and die alone. I don't feel like I'm alive. I'm just watching everything happening, and doing none of it. Drowning in all these images of people living, people spending time doing things they enjoy, and forming bonds with each other and doing things with each other they will remember. And I'm here barely holding together, no reason to live, no reason to wake up in the morning. Nobody has ever told me any of their feelings, and nobody has ever asked me if I'm fine or how I'm doing. I am completely invisible and left out of every conversation. If I try to talk to someone they look at me like I'm growing a third arm, or they dismiss me tell me to stop following them although I literally just approached them as I think a normal person would. I'm just a waste, and every second I live is another second where I could have been doing something worthwhile. I live in wasted days and restless nights.

For context, I have been diagnosed with SCD, or one of the forms on nondescript high-functioning autism. It really fucking sucks.",5.189947387331898,6.105251462041888,5.743714197720977,80.56471871471102,68.41099476439791,8.348177805153474,30.294528282517195,8.4952907291091,2.251828898470383,3103,117,585,45,51,1003,338,764,0.113,0.8059999999999999,0.081,-0.9746,2,3,1,0,0,1,72.0,1,0,8,4,34,28,6,1,40,1,65,11,3,9,15,122,121,55,4,14,17,1,2,4,3,8,5,6,1,6,32,49,1,6,15,5,5,8,17,11,0,9,28,15,84,17,97,79,21,96,0,3,6,2,34,36,3,8,55,429,116,24,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684743808268334,0.0675772503138644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328738015428891,0.06421299715972728,0.0,0.0,0.06073127646910253,0.0,0.0,0.15118006146795393,0.10902895224299998,0.057248919982461864,0.0,0.05753477162138405,0.04708795947471865,0.0,0.07465978485798255,0.06763215397979387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284129853149334,0.0,0.0,0.09778653331512728,0.06775827568299597,0.0,0.15797282778507218,0.0,0.0,0.062154908018967385,0.06355499443485067,0.06398029227248603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266735937349274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423836616684328,0.0,0.0,0.08089375753643123,0.2215717783295317,0.154786039799099,0.0,0.1100728710614968,0.0599021552362379,0.0,0.0,0.06192717402719719,0.043748176945594415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208869898284137,0.0,0.0,0.14193612905680844,0.11322640908627468,0.09598240658704037,0.0587447171970067,0.13921103125081088,0.0,0.048977328932362695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415223624340371,0.0,0.0,0.060459484099034386,0.0,0.0,0.06901926252468821,0.0,0.0,0.06470092099209496,0.0,0.0,0.12061346540423465,0.14132001213327886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730920271871044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960460090648707,0.06261962828184378,0.17301580359140015,0.11967045617033582,0.0,0.2162958059475381,0.0,0.15427256480688772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794452860403543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508591211633488,0.0,0.0454069286132246,0.18892094968059647,0.0,0.0651269169665633,0.17240210945465514,0.059999877940467475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299240934691893,0.09314795808946767,0.0,0.0,0.06799714398645397,0.06631438851220059,0.0,0.12736339166609156,0.05347033871663738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859614404887905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039230395505092004,0.1259249707955006,0.0,0.0,0.06937030014152129,0.0,0.0,0.04869862332018487,0.0,0.1859272604533795,0.048798464697202205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131280495227987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188644735498262,0.04714372135428745,0.0,0.0,0.08668862304624796,0.0,0.04890445247620941,0.20478961148086355,0.0,0.0,0.14020487664038192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046043078577053635,0.09844097884283393,0.05352439002620973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205068604829546,0.03923860228517828,0.0,0.0972316799051306,0.07141631202594834,0.0,0.0,0.058515182204038216,0.0,0.08315266554579792,0.0,0.11964053769444577,0.0,0.0,0.1057793055868056,0.0,0.0,0.03611954230356385,0.0,0.0982422701050812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673925969034176,0.0,0.0,0.06640960030227559,0.133745177548217,0.0,0.0624063792686098,0.1740058287437384,0.0,0.0,0.07887005524397718
suicidewatch,AlexanderShane19,2019/03/14,"No one to talk to I have no one to reach out to. Absolutely no one. My family doesn't care. I don't have friends and even if I did they would just guilt me into staying alive ""but I'D be so sad if you died"". I can't talk to professionals or any of that crap because they'll just try and get me institutionalised and I wouldn't be allowed to be hospitalised because my parents will be pissed off about it. I just want all this pain to end. I took double my antidepressants dose yesterday and not even that helped... Not like that medicine has ever helped normally anyways. I don't even have any alcohol to drink or drugs so its either death or cutting ",2.5087913486005067,4.5594712213740465,3.530095419847332,89.19733142493642,77.2442748091603,7.114758269720102,23.89376590330789,8.07648339933343,1.192022391857506,514,17,111,9,12,165,80,131,0.271,0.6990000000000001,0.03,-0.9882,2,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,11,9,3,1,0,0,17,7,2,1,2,25,21,12,2,6,12,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,3,2,0,16,3,13,11,3,8,0,1,0,0,9,3,2,5,4,82,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890725043903134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406218436774264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569624411055102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803806141211173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361389093392969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733131726377924,0.2051697611357419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566976370362529,0.0,0.0,0.3505598034963843,0.1600332778800717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678339774307746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366871067174021,0.0,0.09243282552044872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717002473457155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643364019879675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334296292800822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596544850725316,0.0,0.18825418805280794,0.0,0.1964475064590855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885720123422255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28440142766759186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965634125427898,0.1201163228646229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104351353659679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567811367512668,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awstz,2019/03/14,"easy quick painless suicide this probably isn’t the right subreddit.
First of all if you’re gonna tell me not to kill myself FUCK YOU. literally. i don’t wanna hear that it gets better. that’s what everyone told me years ago.
Anyway. I need a quick way to kill myself. I don’t have money to buy anything. I don’t have any pills i can OD on. the only solution I can think of is jumping in front of a train, or hanging myself from a very high building with a long rope. I am not 100% sure i would die from either of those. help me out. please. i don’t want to spend another second here, and nothing anybody says will change my mind. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t want to be alive. not
for one single reason.",0.21181602842479208,2.3697657046979863,2.2416581129095943,94.60191077773392,86.58389261744966,5.1166206079747365,18.16067903671536,6.522977012572876,-0.11108480063166183,546,14,123,6,17,182,100,149,0.118,0.6990000000000001,0.183,0.7078,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,4,0,7,0,16,3,0,1,2,19,27,3,5,6,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,3,3,10,4,0,3,1,2,19,2,17,22,3,15,0,0,0,2,7,5,2,2,6,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597684417876433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119864824349079,0.1726789260317558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135515714919647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564404247306542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420717017655726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090945242230834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735659860902748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007476673880673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30448375849543025,0.08603730096450693,0.15797385458251695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560373530955096,0.0,0.11037999045768447,0.17399103054463144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643829500723191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573458160891167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627753176782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221064272678084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801269367982276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158987081046784,0.1252448108358052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076666183976914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755041230239588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693161017189282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063385525776712,0.0,0.13095831601251887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013067455612178,0.0,0.15520678253230075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393556748706626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055188201967516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735659860902748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587634821102146,0.194262347176335,0.13071349243894942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698231261497305,0.0,0.0,0.10604703905751367
suicidewatch,SuperSaiyaanSuicide,2019/03/14,"This is my note. So I've been in a very dark place for the past 2 years. Dealing with epression, anxiety and trigeminal neuralgia is too much for me.  To top it off, I lost my job and haven't been able to tell my parents about it. I'm broke, purposeless and I owe a lot of money to a friend who never really asked me to pay it back, but the guilt is too much.
Today I've finally decided to take my own life. Some people might call me selfish but that's ok. Idc. I know the trauma that I had to face as a child fucked me up. I'm 23 now, but I still can't get over the fact that my own father abused me. I told my Mom when I was 16, but she didn't do anything about it, didn't even ask him if this happened. My brother did, but he refused and now everyone believes him and  behaves like nothing happened. I see him everyday and I feel like killing him. I've thought of it for the past many years. But I don't want to kill another human. That would be very wrong, so killing myself seems to be the best option.  I don't wish to blame anyone for my suicide. I'm doing this because I believe my pain will only stop when I die.
This is my first and only post here on Reddit. I don't even know of anyone will read it. 
Good bye fellas.",0.7096590909090921,2.444564162878791,2.6079454545454546,95.17341818181819,81.61363636363636,5.739151515151516,20.78727272727273,6.742157984588678,0.18790472727272745,945,27,223,10,25,315,148,264,0.23,0.67,0.099,-0.9916,3,0,0,0,1,2,30.0,0,0,0,4,15,17,4,1,10,1,24,4,1,0,2,32,45,19,5,4,7,4,1,2,1,4,2,0,0,2,15,8,0,2,6,1,3,0,8,11,0,1,10,2,35,6,25,29,7,24,0,2,1,1,22,7,1,6,19,145,50,3,0.10978473542258248,0.13007695934297328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511886739799733,0.08398502210424055,0.0,0.0,0.1535280792594234,0.0,0.09034348298709433,0.0,0.20526781554040066,0.0,0.0,0.08441768493267181,0.0,0.06692375572853268,0.0,0.0,0.2473796040478293,0.11521230664607753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121024895357296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113183241589127,0.0,0.0,0.11393922259424878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502356468423286,0.0,0.0,0.10490401941775578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551046089187011,0.0784302369219203,0.0,0.1202638114199663,0.0,0.09338283986689057,0.0,0.0,0.0848194142546762,0.10149421885051918,0.05735799306044567,0.0,0.0,0.0920822273709698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416455792906626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894440984433848,0.0,0.3643816313498981,0.0,0.12066963893876365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775442053493183,0.10727055257257866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198430074197158,0.09333505611698882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130449032291112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646425514548152,0.0,0.12857855526422912,0.0,0.0,0.1614088250583115,0.0,0.08467275597215199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534141454865592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699247675704013,0.1168186988890002,0.0,0.12190295653927967,0.0,0.2096039047252017,0.07611091235469054,0.0,0.11470168202677793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051434292309878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981444473114224,0.0,0.07033091271052043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748422025418713,0.09994389990241796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767423152319842,0.0917849546483194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008668176870956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825444581588803,0.0,0.09595669771742668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715681685158384,0.0,0.0,0.10406309238843303,0.10490401941775578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181167808622485,0.06475388137665278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624702769406426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798792616626292,0.12003237388809974,0.0,0.14139554035640794
suicidewatch,__Fr4g__,2019/03/14,Just able failed attempt I failed my attempt on Tuesday. I didn't cut deep enough. I know I need help but I can't afford it. I'm just going to have to go back to crying myself to sleep again ,-0.5207142857142877,1.5363721666666663,1.4526666666666692,99.609,89.23809523809523,3.3600000000000003,15.542857142857144,3.1291,-1.269091428571428,149,3,35,0,5,49,30,42,0.208,0.7120000000000001,0.08,-0.7346,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,4,4,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,8,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,7,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,22,8,2,0.3661254131694512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815278431542808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021715744417015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783054232961239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161550193353133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454061468549999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121295207118364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714773547068829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663898245641941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marshall194,2019/03/14,Depression with knowing i can never end it is terrible i'm to much of a pussy to be able to ever actually end myself other then slow methods such as being obese and smoking. How do I get out of this frame of mind? I'm 25 and I have almost nobody left in my family other then my Aunt and Uncle to ask for help so I'm reaching out farther then I usually would. I just don't know how to continue anymore ,0.17651162790697586,2.3638485116279107,3.4058604651162803,85.96181395348837,87.13953488372093,6.2306976744186064,21.390697674418604,7.554174236665415,1.1003618604651164,316,11,65,6,10,114,61,86,0.081,0.861,0.057,-0.4627,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,2,2,16,15,10,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,14,12,1,15,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,10,49,12,0,0.2398530758224064,0.0,0.2340620027805232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401782087311204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378698007717499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242302481087188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658510274568373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248772660280259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696083892910686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261121335082709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531333254657775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076846083791094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636339555443166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606010686816728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218323215463025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763196085780849,0.0,0.1849894785473351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26416427683106786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038474334330073,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ridemyfariswheel,2019/03/14,"My life is over. My family will disown me. why should I be alive to face them? I am a fourth year college student studying in a country that’s not my own. The last few semesters I’ve been in a deep depression possibly caused by me being terrified of disappointing my parents. They have paid so much fucking money to send me here, and through my fucking stupidity I’ve run out of money and I need an extra semester to graduate. I’ve been thinking of ending it all for a while now, the guilt that would result usually stops me from doing anything. However, as the day I have to tell them comes closer, I feel the urge more and more. I am alone in a foreign country, I am stupid and worthless and I’ve ducked up my life. I don’t want to be alive.",3.649795304033713,4.7844470198675495,4.9239012642986175,84.21042745334138,72.17880794701986,8.139915713425648,28.95906080674293,8.575989854853784,2.078544370860927,584,23,120,10,11,194,97,151,0.173,0.785,0.043,-0.9632,2,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,0,3,8,4,1,10,0,16,5,1,2,1,18,24,8,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,3,3,2,8,0,0,3,1,21,0,19,15,7,19,0,3,0,2,6,8,2,0,8,86,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349706493015484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757972634824398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216794457587588,0.0,0.18588705816437406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391690044447982,0.0,0.18586269091278626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112905752175915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034309784361083,0.0,0.10911171596130907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989953677561587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590056612846675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048427691854892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863310798046762,0.160008202387718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396132288410835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432748335026101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041309223890445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861309702190668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382718102194957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376661370171247,0.0,0.1272806422184907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947201379110053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329356506047465,0.0,0.0,0.13896398795550016
suicidewatch,throwawayway8883838,2019/03/14,"No Insurance, No Income... How to get help? Can anyone here tell me something I can do to get help?... especially a diagnosis, because I just want to know that this is real. I have no resources and I want to at least try to get out of this hole.

I'm  fairly certain I'm on the autism spectrum and the difficulties I face in life are ramping. I've decided that I can only give up after I honestly reach out for help, but I don't have any resources.",1.2924154589371994,3.2903179999999987,3.7879710144927534,86.11161835748794,80.95652173913044,6.697584541062803,24.352657004830927,7.793537801064563,1.3341555555555558,344,13,73,6,9,120,60,92,0.075,0.797,0.128,0.3736,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,1,1,13,18,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,14,18,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778064181983761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282369487914146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938775963978538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098168988792004,0.25082281934013817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5257671368183094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436953380575989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846817625390059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885731499417106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976065078332897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201289948585722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853354395787556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775188221427623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084398348015846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oz_Strategist,2019/03/14,"Where do you actually get help? I am wondering where do you turn to get help for suicidal thoughts?

​

I have tried calling suicide hotlines and all they do is call an ambulance and then you end up in the emergency room then they transfer you to the psych ward but then they just discharge you because they don't believe your really suicidal. 

​

Even if you go as far as to take an overdose of pills they just dismiss it because you didn't take enough for them to be concerned. Even though I did take enough to black out in the emergency room and Google said the amount I took could cause a fatal overdose. 

​

Thing is on one hand I don't want to end up being locked up in a psych ward because I am having suicidal thoughts id rather be in the community where I can actually do the things I want to do in life but on the other hand what if I actually go through with it and end my life it's scary to think about.",4.540556464811782,5.547567851063832,4.8627659574468085,85.95653846153849,69.95744680851064,8.337806873977089,30.4189852700491,8.617729084823388,2.134352209492635,748,30,156,12,13,236,95,188,0.172,0.769,0.06,-0.9749,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,8,6,0,10,1,0,0,11,0,20,5,2,1,1,22,36,14,5,6,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,4,24,0,27,26,4,26,0,0,1,0,19,17,0,3,6,113,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.275943566266783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063821054427247,0.343597542094165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723744898562957,0.0,0.0,0.10619530784048327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249377379761104,0.0,0.0,0.09682785432628137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525650668595746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25045104848434235,0.19478525647883588,0.0,0.12451165612496247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849073457145067,0.0,0.10713679633497136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635689660525096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331529458948338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387095029509476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383417256596676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965994630081607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124072293528165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126084932130468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252402617446893,0.06039604913093553,0.09260697710595926,0.1496589831093924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472294221346493,0.06399428345042339,0.10252449758135698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119038520783207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221764408099387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343597542094165,0.0
suicidewatch,laperuana,2019/03/14,"I wish to leave a recomendation for anyone feeling lost or desperate. Hello fellow redditors, I just wanted to leave my experience and what has helped me in the past, take it from the ""what it's worth"" departament.

I suffered depression, it was a very, very hard time. Suicidal thoughts were increasingly reocurrent. It was such a crippling moment.

What made a click for me, was when someone suggested I read chapter 10 of this book called Home with God, in a Life that never ends, by author Neale Donald Walsch. Now I know that the title of this book may sound a bit fairy like, but the book offers a deep and rather new perspective on Death and the after-life (if you believe in such a thing, I personally do).

Well chapter 10 of this book happens to talk specifically about suicide. What it said completely changed my view on suicide, I have stopped considering suicide as an option since then.

I really recommend this chapter to anyone considering suicide. And to anyone looking for hope or some sort of confirmation that there is such a thing as Love, I recommend reading Conversations with God book 1, 2 or 3. From the title you might imagine its some sort of religous book, but it is not. Its more of a self-help book. Within it are most of the questions most of us would like to ask God (or whatever you wish to name God). Should anybody wish to read one of these books, you can download a PDF versión of Home with God here

https://www.google.com.ar/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://zeniclinic.com/zen/books/Neale-Donald-Walsch-Home-With-God.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjnoKnE3oDhAhU5GbkGHckVCJoQFjAAegQIBhAB&usg=AOvVaw1wzNUAiLjMAzUiBThWI10h

There are some errors in this version, but for the most of it, its pretty reliable.

You can also find Conversations with God book 1 at this link

http://www.universe-people.com/english/svetelna_knihovna/htm/en/en_kniha_conversations_with_god_1.htm

I sincerely hope that this material can be reached to as many people as possible, I really believe it can help anyone in times of trouble.

I hope it does help.

Offered lovingly
Andrés",7.392991452991453,10.349300022792027,6.0510626780626815,72.51847435897439,65.86609686609687,8.782564102564104,29.93361823361824,9.3871,2.952636011396012,1712,64,266,36,30,508,186,351,0.136,0.664,0.2,0.9734,1,0,0,0,0,4,91.0,1,5,0,1,13,13,0,0,20,0,20,3,0,1,1,50,39,19,6,11,11,0,2,2,1,4,1,2,2,1,31,8,0,1,7,12,1,1,2,4,1,1,8,7,22,9,46,26,10,22,0,3,3,2,25,10,0,20,13,174,53,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061558873290059636,0.0,0.4170254071788169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152978115080416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196356469784349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345454857553186,0.0,0.0,0.08403948529070382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860262688775972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143198067542648,0.0,0.0807094367857544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630060186992047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736352281083936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817921061128643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529875891464625,0.0,0.0,0.03892213334352911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035603397902808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807094278160926,0.0,0.06895671375053222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063855635975076,0.0,0.2316441053291212,0.22936805822870485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230481698250444,0.0,0.0,0.16301610069426375,0.0,0.0,0.05437147975592118,0.07521462953076367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464170678959999,0.0,0.08403002677577988,0.0,0.13895038555421446,0.0728379650543624,0.0,0.07804309574227249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166095535321204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593697880644848,0.0743453423551223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216194140689953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348372719270199,0.05336650123185675,0.06721377767177343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678055720497559,0.0,0.07831378422460061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623240921566315,0.0,0.2309949724177365,0.0,0.0986275061928696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322322345105461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030431330009641,0.0,0.0,0.06367657762047678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522277996362949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435663091881969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210044165989083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787749472099656,0.06187159296669305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228085169750413,0.0,0.0,0.06111153092212429,0.08977239033566313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259444601380537,0.0,0.0,0.12702898681556535,0.04540331975197615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692120107751067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26556095376532396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468260238987049,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nerdisdawerd,2019/03/15,"Cliche feelings, but now I get it... I lost my best friend from the army a year ago. Two days after Christmas he had apparently gone off to a secluded location with his brother’s gun (which was locked, but they’re brothers and military so I can see that he probably had access easy). He sent his brother a picture he had taken that morning smiling. He had issues with his spouse and work but I would have never thought he would decide to just go. 

Over a year later and everyday I feel like I understand his choice more and more. With him by my side, I always had someone who had no responsibility to me to tell me to keep going. Now everything feels like I need to do it for someone else. I go to school so that I can receive money for rent and to buy a house for my wife and I. I keep in contact with people in hopes that they won’t decide to kill themselves. Also, I’m seeing the worst in people day by day. 

I don’t see what everyone sees when they say that they almost killed themselves and didn’t and now they’re happy. I continue throughout my days not killing myself and it gets more tiring and frustrating. I don’t see beauty in things or magic really. 

My best friend left and actually nothing has changed besides my heart breaking everyday and thinking that if he thought that was a good idea..than whats so bad? 

I don’t really believe in heaven or hell or an almighty being. I feel like things will just go dark. Or maybe a new life starts with my energy or something. 

I just..don’t know what would really hold anyone back? The fact that everyone will be sad? Yeah well if my friends and family were like my best friend’s than it sounds manageable. Everyone will go on with their life. 

",3.562132936507936,5.253552931547624,4.36452380952381,85.93603174603176,73.25595238095238,7.596825396825397,25.539682539682538,8.285830014693849,1.553181349206349,1339,44,269,22,27,430,179,336,0.12,0.672,0.208,0.9885,2,0,1,1,0,1,34.0,0,0,4,5,12,25,5,0,11,1,27,4,1,0,2,54,58,28,3,7,13,5,4,4,4,7,3,2,1,0,19,19,0,3,11,0,3,8,8,9,1,1,16,11,39,16,31,33,7,39,2,2,5,0,31,10,1,9,24,173,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.08187834388439456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743759635847046,0.0,0.08401788301565782,0.0,0.0,0.06709811582181319,0.06981497149580104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058667730258320824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451710973721335,0.07005645783636971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453124113644804,0.26415667653848324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875946194164214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644493368160134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700911482433291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405220234852951,0.07540763690532756,0.0,0.07909736225398521,0.0,0.16969783048565884,0.17982341755437511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25929654250431505,0.0,0.08767290729516035,0.0,0.2384233007766384,0.07037481746719422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931752437945079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942681785119456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333574952624087,0.0,0.09681412013364328,0.0,0.0947175688040692,0.0,0.08757413019864876,0.0,0.14915572154273304,0.2784825207511426,0.0,0.04611152475675765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116210091634007,0.0,0.11852796034378607,0.16396531170965692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159128762062303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429299286853874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622138616506004,0.06471205048047174,0.08103514774630985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050829168946523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163371416428532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046286124449128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612534346404543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672394514114496,0.0,0.08491547591375574,0.3343037091644687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218342248076607,0.06459351133421237,0.0,0.0,0.05938778690384225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733359224621405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148437368591382,0.05376238932007457,0.0,0.13322104063016196,0.0,0.09643547386116212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819621596004388,0.08734717577881915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754399043882207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610832181089676,0.0,0.0,0.1788092955164352,0.0,0.0,0.10806303917008198
suicidewatch,StillDontHaveAName,2019/03/15,"I want to disappear I don’t dare to suicide, there’s too much at stake. Even though I’ve attempted when I was younger, it never follows through. In my life, I have never fitted in any where, and had always been a disappointment, disgrace, dragging people down. I feel like everyone would be better off without me, happier, even. I have no purpose to exist. Messing everything up is the thing that I do best, but I don’t know how to change. Thoughts keep me awake at night and my body aches and sores with for no reason. Nothing really motivates me anymore, it is suffocating me, eating me up. no one really cares anymore. If I disappeared, they could just replace me ever so easily, and no one would have to deal with me again 

When I see a crowd, when I see happy faces, I wonder why I couldn’t  be normal, why am I such an odd person and why does things keep happening to me. I feel so alone no matter where I’m at, who I’m talking to. I try to keep up a tough facade, pushing people away so no one suspects anything. I don’t understand how people could ‘love’ things,but I want to feel loved. 

I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok and it will be over . I want to have someone that could understand me and not just tell me to ‘grow up already ’ ‘stop acting so weird’ or ‘ just kill yourself because you don’t do anything anyways’ and constantly reminds me of how useless I really am 

Sorry about ranting so much, but I really need to get it out. I don’t want anyone that I know in real life to know that I wrote this post. Internet feels safe to me because no one knows who I am.
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suicidewatch,goodbyepain,2019/03/15,"I talk but nobody listens. It's the end for me. I try to fix my problems and fail. I am a failure. I have my note written. Everything is in place. This weekend, I hang myself. My family will be better off. I've tried to talk about my problems. Nobody listens. I'm desperately for someone to talk to, but nobody listens. So here's my goodbye. ",-0.6023913043478261,1.4651880724637714,2.21481884057971,89.42483695652174,103.05797101449276,4.039130434782609,23.14130434782609,5.985473137389443,0.7663999999999995,263,12,51,3,12,91,46,69,0.257,0.6920000000000001,0.05,-0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,12,1,9,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843786558865788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875510465018236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22197389163727813,0.0,0.23283516150762976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804640738188217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726619376431607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926930553457715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5955507554114396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353727506735352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peoplearebigmeanies,2019/03/15,"I’m probably gonna overdose on my Prozac tonight when I get home. I think I’ve finally built up the courage to do it.  I don’t know why tonight of all nights, but it feels right.  ",1.8569230769230745,2.8796434102564104,2.792820512820516,98.19384615384618,76.43589743589743,7.2512820512820495,28.384615384615394,7.793537801064563,1.2678307692307689,139,6,36,2,3,44,32,39,0.0,0.937,0.063,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906470638689626,0.0,0.0,0.41303823042595456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699229281650268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782104143998721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721600930872847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538344998369705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065220830717721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32199738118563703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415974710134785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34022764871607697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whattodowhattodo3211,2019/03/15,"I’m a 17 year old girl with bipolar disorder. I lost all my friends and just experienced my first real heartbreak. I feel like my life was never meant to last long. Because I'm going to die from loneliness. Hi guys and girls.

Well to start off, I've always been pretty lonely. I never had many friends to begin with since my bipolar reared it's ugly head very young. I jumped from school to school, from wealth to poverty and back again, I was home schooled for many years and ditched school for many more. I never really wanted to be alive, not since I was young.

My parents fought a lot, broke up, got back together again. My sibling is a lot older than me. I'm often alone.

Then, I thought I did it. I found the light at the end of the tunnel. I found what I thought were great friends and an even greater boyfriend. 

For a while, all was good, and the bipolar seemed to calm down a bit. 

Then, slowly but surely, my friends began to disappear. Meaningless high school drama, true colors exposing themselves, tore us apart. But at least I had my boyfriend right?

Wrong. I'm a high school senior, he's in college. A couple of years older than me. For once, I felt truly and utterly loved. But he didn't want me anymore, I wasn't good enough for him.

Well now I'm truly alone again. In a home where my family doesn't feel like a family, no friends... And a rut in the couch where I've been sitting and laying for a month. I've watched and finished 9 TV series' online and finished many more movies.

I got into my dream college though... But it's 6 months away. I don't think I can survive 6 months.

Yes, I might kill myself, but loneliness is the murderer.",1.9653652021737145,4.214722279635262,2.6805526388505108,93.60147186147186,80.00303951367779,5.568425900340794,21.82380031316201,6.714681859716394,0.4004743667679831,1286,39,271,13,33,401,176,329,0.159,0.664,0.177,0.7619,1,4,0,0,0,1,55.0,1,0,0,3,14,25,3,0,18,1,19,6,1,0,7,45,45,20,3,2,7,1,3,2,5,1,4,0,3,3,4,14,0,0,10,3,1,3,9,8,2,1,23,7,35,17,34,20,10,53,0,4,2,1,16,16,0,5,35,158,39,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168113805876766,0.0,0.0,0.06494731324348336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774087521490638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733344519550574,0.1200376608595766,0.0,0.047581090976362636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852149259974016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636544254197334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100789408807214,0.0,0.08945682873946613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691328173501403,0.08065081164649306,0.0,0.0515540360058943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716502930469078,0.0,0.07893305631410663,0.11152381385817922,0.0749442333595942,0.0,0.0,0.06639282794230959,0.0,0.17116471355096693,0.3015222488845536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435997743268265,0.13093625096644854,0.12485408299222145,0.08605498607439338,0.0,0.07728588926633062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010608596560982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649370093329524,0.15658937165130313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635536247000697,0.0,0.0,0.06362455749859569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055131960979329785,0.07626663903538912,0.0,0.0,0.06907547467165874,0.0,0.0,0.08520533518843244,0.1327177098189354,0.07044692611666065,0.0,0.0,0.3165386653800236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828031281156696,0.0,0.0,0.1869062555821545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060053838607174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190470995851297,0.08312513213679233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666990670564123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940914088408893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884272140078878,0.05000349307507796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665782547689819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739698573440103,0.0,0.07105757502730779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291344141608386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524713562495778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356512131382821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001395352713126,0.0766878151122832,0.12393256734267005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388954296355784,0.0,0.0,0.06440285583359412,0.09207673082045853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403601260985944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533996993900737,0.0,0.1507929582577623
suicidewatch,damnitjeffy,2019/03/15,"Left alone with my thoughts... When I'm driving to work in the morning, sitting at my desk at a job I worked so hard to get, driving home, sitting on the toilet, trying to sleep and it doesn't want to come easy... When I'm home alone and even surrounded by people who love me...

All I can think about is how badly I wish I could just disappear. I don't want to live anymore. More often than not I'm depressed, lonely, anxious... The medications calm me down but they don't make the pain stop or lessen. I still feel physically sick about my existence.

I want to drive off the highway, roll my car over without my seatbelt on, take every single pill I'm prescribed all at once when no one is around so I can't be saved. The majority of my thoughts are ways that I could potentially not be here tomorrow. I don't want to wake up. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this.",2.7240303272146846,4.057729547486037,3.8333000798084598,90.35247206703913,74.75418994413408,6.90199521149242,25.076217079010377,7.447530270364453,0.9631624900239419,675,22,151,8,14,219,112,179,0.161,0.7659999999999999,0.073,-0.8921,1,4,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,1,2,15,8,0,0,7,0,15,7,2,3,3,32,34,11,0,7,7,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,6,10,4,0,1,2,2,20,4,25,28,6,28,0,2,0,1,3,13,0,2,6,97,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30777967929188393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678594011054118,0.14735695948753136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322726594328502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240627446791642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279933120468993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726697454604456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279765338738139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813936776180388,0.0,0.12518975132204124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512932878123854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776298277772243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310348570343167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980868836403033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744825127676148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143865675904362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312037806851869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341042782578872,0.0,0.0991820218828316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968432996429562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922749055912913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823878293618945,0.10068542778059672,0.0,0.1581055227360503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301052569666272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869287690451544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186606282837313,0.12422418989417155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004014145922666,0.0,0.11171785707504296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520763375072556,0.0,0.23592069111167616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087984874108692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35055847605260043,0.11794030952204344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708660727886445,0.14323118736771187,0.0,0.21634412947725026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brianjohnson87,2019/03/15,"Don't Know What to Do If you are chatting with somebody anonymously online and they are talking about committing suicide, what can you do? What should I say?",4.029885057471262,6.88813520689655,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,76.24137931034483,6.625287356321839,30.356321839080447,7.793537801064563,2.2785080459770115,127,6,22,2,3,38,23,29,0.156,0.802,0.042,-0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,8,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297932890701375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772149575168573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6564001036601992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482328907200641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuzuAyaGT,2019/03/15,"Jokes gone wrong I have been depressed af recently and all I can think about is to end my life. I want to seek help, but a part of me is just like 'mehhh. Yo what the fuck. Don't tell anyone because no one wants to give a shit about you'. So I just simply give hints to people surrounding me by saying ""lmfao I want to die so that I can be famous"" so much in a sarcastic tone that everyone thinks that I'm joking. And there she is, the one that everyone has in their life, the one who misunderstand joke all the time. She would always tells me that 'yo dude u should really die lmao'. I know she just joking because she is the type who never actually wants to hurt people. And now even when I'm depressed af but I don't show it outside, she would just randomly 'are u tired or something? How about we go commit suicide together lol'.
Damn, it triggered me all the time but what can I do? After all I'm the one who started this joke. And now I begin to hate her for that, I mean like wtf is wrong with my dumb fuck brain? 
You know the positive and happy-all-the-fucking-time dude? That's exactly her. And now because of my fucking joke, she became a 'trendy shit' girl. She would always try to show her 'knowledge' about suicide like 'do u know that to buy a gun so that WE CAN COMMIT SUICIDE TOGETHER, we only need a little money' like yo wtf? You don't even want to die because you are a fucking coward, you love your life too much that you are even afraid of falling from some shitty P.E exercises. 
One time I confessed to her that although I was afraid of height, i felt really relaxed standing on high place(without looking down ofc). And boom, 'ikr. Because we can jump down and end our life forever!'. Uhh what? That's not what I meant at all. 
I'm addicted to self harm and recently I found a way to feel the pain (to release endorphin lol) even when I'm at school. I simply stab a needle in my arm and tape it. It hurts every time my arm bumps into something. So I just keep beating it when I feel the urge. And you know what? Just by sitting near her makes my arm numb till the end of the day because I just can't take the dumb shit joke she made.
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suicidewatch,banana-snake,2019/03/15,"My Life Is Amounting To Nothing, I'm Spiraling, And I Don't Know What To Do... I'm nineteen years old, almost twenty, and I feel utterly hopeless. I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to die. This life is the only one I have, and that terrifies me sometimes because I haven't done anything I want to do. My life is completely meaningless.

I want to do so many things, but I don't know how.

I want to be a great writer. But what if I'm never good enough? I want to get into acting. But how can someone who is anxious and has never done it before ever audition, let alone get in? I want to make new friends. But where does someone find friends? I want to help others through emotional times and be there for people. But how does an autistic person, who can't even handle their own emotions, do that? I want to get married, have kids, be in at least *one* relationship in my life. But why would anyone want to date a transgender person?

I want to do *so fucking much* and I just want to *SCREAM* because I want to do *so, so fucking much* but I *CAN'T* and I don't know what to *DO*.

I can't even cry.

I'm just tired. And my life is completely meaningless. And I don't know how to fix that. I want to do all these things, but the truth of the matter is is that I can't. I can't do them. I'm not a good writer. I'm not a good actor. I'm not a nice person, for fuck sake I can't even go a day without insulting someone on accident. I'm not a motivational speaker. I'm disgusting, who would ever want to date me? How can someone ever love me if I could never even love myself?

But I can't kill myself.

I don't want to die. But I just wish I could redo everything. From the start. But I can't. And I've missed out on *so much* because I keep getting in the way of myself. And I just don't know how to fix it.

How do I fix it?",-1.4187058976132858,0.5804804872448983,1.3598599100657225,97.14688343133864,98.71938775510205,4.2902801798685575,17.103251470079556,6.1040448648928844,-0.3371985991006574,1389,41,326,16,59,477,142,392,0.175,0.675,0.149,0.74,0,1,0,0,0,5,69.0,0,0,2,1,25,20,7,0,13,0,49,11,0,9,8,83,95,36,4,23,22,0,1,0,2,2,6,2,0,4,18,13,0,1,8,1,1,2,25,10,0,2,2,3,47,10,37,85,8,27,0,2,0,5,16,10,3,3,14,229,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450222573939655,0.06671441826290132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277051116871361,0.0,0.04504040145875851,0.0,0.053007980853398064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178001902849698,0.0,0.05481234240366906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507561117795727,0.0,0.0,0.1028601252445024,0.0,0.070756751847401,0.041542286806600215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370500959299467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127398403104758,0.13183763071192814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449162031865735,0.0,0.06655781924878447,0.0,0.17018175713175693,0.17480091657541974,0.0,0.0,0.05789196589534905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03257011298247038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887405902113629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953359640674002,0.17865163368764914,0.13461652340199334,0.0,0.03660847671051347,0.16208450628749452,0.0,0.07101766357543153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317595508571472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572549299979325,0.14253110388113285,0.0,0.17700374445841827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658686077670597,0.2274907728007241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627393895691948,0.0,0.042997451341005063,0.06530660648512886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205710736461225,0.0,0.14904224451975498,0.062212319629426034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180784159342952,0.0,0.0675926102881305,0.0,0.08729841758738885,0.048990440250478336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044657186677299406,0.1687338394398871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915750468382728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183141703664493,0.0,0.06370799118738417,0.0,0.045593203488844415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558880538044407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037560850919096465,0.0740354610353503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6078973076009748,0.051129555775823024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812443545450743,0.0,0.07407396533252264,0.06209367274880709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151700510833816,0.0,0.0,0.04148108888517742
suicidewatch,jeb0913,2019/03/15,"I can’t do this anymore I can’t deal with all the shit in my head. Replaying everything he did to me. I’m too much for everyone. It would be better if I wasn’t here. So I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. 
Idk what to do. ",-2.589368131868131,-0.9003394423076898,1.1494505494505525,100.05269230769234,97.26923076923076,5.279120879120879,17.043956043956047,6.868970318607317,-0.16217362637362642,167,5,46,3,7,61,36,52,0.03,0.825,0.146,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,11,2,2,0,1,4,13,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,5,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5798909017696894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585712392188766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014133271948822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991887677275173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27936529370316104,0.2627569358463272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000486969379441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492038183555612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30010633032433703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768622612996707,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ishouldbedeactivated,2019/03/15,"I should be dead by now but slow and sure isn't doing the trick! My husband died approximately 8 years ago.  I didn't realize at the time but I (unconsciously) decided I was going to drink myself to death.  Should be easy, right?  After all, the UK Government recommend that you don't drink more than 14 units a week (as a woman).   So drinking 400+ units a week for over 7 years as well as being a smoker....well the math is inevitable, isn't it?  

Apparently not!  Last year, doctors tested my liver and disgustedly pronounced it ""fine"".  My blood pressure is high, but not dangerously so.  My heart is 'on the large side of normal'.

Now I am facing my first real financial crisis since my husband died...I am about to be laid off from my job.  Without a job, I will face bankruptcy and losing the home I shared for 25 years with my husband.  

I have one adult step-daughter but to be honest, all I am to her is a 'backstop' for when she runs out of money (she is on benefits/welfare and turns to me whenever there is an emergency).  I have a daughter of my own who, for her own reasons, decided to estrange herself - coincidentally when I refused to subsidize her renting a flat near the married man she is having an affair with. 

After my husband died, I dedicated myself to our dog, a Yorkie and a sweetie, who also died of cancer late last year.  I feel I've done my bit, looked after those who needed me.  Why, why, can't I just die now?!",3.6900303951367794,4.973177992907804,5.254944275582577,81.30500000000002,72.26241134751774,7.924620060790273,27.258358662613983,8.418075326091056,1.8596188449848017,1102,39,219,18,21,373,161,282,0.162,0.718,0.12,-0.9593,4,0,4,0,0,1,52.0,1,1,0,2,12,10,3,1,19,0,29,10,5,1,3,30,34,17,6,4,8,5,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,7,8,3,1,5,3,2,2,8,5,1,2,3,2,38,5,37,23,6,34,0,1,1,0,23,10,0,0,22,159,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496478638018407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946937566157173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292748573992029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915704066569082,0.0,0.0,0.12119934500729815,0.0,0.1211762332971354,0.0,0.3479950222688274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598724899403218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072089207509964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729607154756867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031837966477567,0.0,0.12510841329615535,0.11877654327289013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350105899918678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304260377974505,0.13357350292737782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943596630036716,0.13247235186827355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780074076760659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601827936903725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023880100784518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477838542504034,0.0,0.1217469013502498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112290519773176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979513435033732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160158218866716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904678746475007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879787637184398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996537209973732,0.0,0.10646629726864527,0.0,0.21369619926770814,0.0,0.0,0.1141446085560556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812661132505235
suicidewatch,idkitsmyfirstday,2019/03/15,"I'm sorry. Two steps forward, ten steps back.

Nothing I do or have done is enough.

I'm running out of reasons to fight. ",-0.9722000000000008,1.1030828800000059,1.0075000000000005,98.97125,100.2,2.5,22.25,3.1291,-0.3708,92,4,20,0,4,30,21,25,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929143625261277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898272472804378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936061551263161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36551598536171226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916631019707794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264238870892379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37211669630605854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DiffracteeXYZ,2019/03/15,"I have no reason to stay I have no friends. I can't get good grades no matter how fucking hard I try so nobody in my family respects me. No one in the world would even give a shit if I disappeared so why I am even still fucking here. The girl I love hates me. Not a single soul really cares for me anymore, so what's the point. I guess I choose to stick around because this life is the only thing I have now, and I'm scared to lose one more thing. It's like my self destructive tendencies are driving me towards life  because I know, as my existence has demonstrated, that awful things happen one after another, and never stop. I'm just so fucking tired the second everything seems fine something bad happens. The fuck is the point. ",2.398463796477497,4.599552897260273,3.4291976516634044,89.0513698630137,78.24657534246576,6.637181996086106,23.442270058708417,7.7094869923839395,1.1512598825831706,577,19,116,9,14,185,98,146,0.263,0.616,0.121,-0.9717,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,12,17,7,1,9,1,10,9,1,2,1,16,26,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,10,0,4,0,1,18,7,10,25,2,15,1,1,0,5,5,7,5,3,6,80,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437995439854322,0.0,0.0,0.12709368077280353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408364566826515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700268872869696,0.15624217725991835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066087451814806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928814927969338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517596162788653,0.0,0.12081156675509624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901095517425863,0.4739028035672215,0.06695483256629693,0.1229363644006958,0.0,0.1074889442079629,0.0,0.0,0.1411753558359374,0.0,0.2266511565833485,0.0,0.11480022375984734,0.1265248948897092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042972600580777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103699270574905,0.06260925028550282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337081085318856,0.0,0.0,0.11566339581414407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883975879469699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605200662660884,0.09746639242865428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229266457438745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209831330404556,0.13176298087320995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283038532250649,0.0,0.0,0.11666599068306276,0.1336918863199278,0.0,0.13154756533596115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865870471687048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659441266642014,0.10234342554189936,0.1071419333676322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541816066743633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729341606268456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870077079284014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563845939612047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103645821694112,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway236662,2019/03/15,"I’ve only ever felt like this once before, but it’s back I’m absolutely crushed by my circumstances and by depression. I dug this hole and now I’m just scrambling for a way out. I’d never actually do it, I’m too much of a coward, but the fact that the thought even crossed my mind is enough for me to have posted. I just can’t turn off the debilitating misery, and I don’t know what to do. My situation will just keep getting worse with time, which makes it even more overwhelming",3.767792207792205,4.7356835858585855,5.063088023088024,83.9527272727273,71.72727272727272,8.485425685425685,26.26406926406927,8.841846274778883,1.688473593073593,381,12,83,7,7,127,70,99,0.215,0.768,0.017,-0.974,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,5,0,7,0,0,1,3,19,17,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,7,1,10,14,3,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2210924743538103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421270085893215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278813674996745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951380872935093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340997920617117,0.0,0.29928500067231856,0.204938897159203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753568361600345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183696389551282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137930236151247,0.0,0.0,0.12451291295159682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068707167937454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123233500918348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287637011047829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654962392241807,0.0,0.17473909073487082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24128183896797215,0.0,0.17231111242963604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169844008220499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25466592273179073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986544494902612,0.13211050916428607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464351152535503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983489408791678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308867065910663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhitePeopleAreBorimg,2019/03/15,"My friend is trying to kill herself. I need help and i have very limited options, if i send people to her house she will just do it even more quickly, and i cant send anyone because she never told me where she lived and she wont pick up my calls and its not looking good at all so i need some advice on what to do. My school is closed, so getting them to help is out of the question and im starting to think i was too late. Worst part is that she had a crush on me and the reason she is suicidal is because i rejected her. Somone please help me. i dont know what to do",1.3992000000000004,2.5292891200000014,3.067400000000003,95.33470000000004,77.8,5.960000000000001,22.1,6.2581,0.12539999999999996,440,12,107,3,10,146,78,125,0.16699999999999998,0.733,0.1,-0.8806,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,5,1,0,3,0,16,0,0,2,2,23,24,9,2,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,3,1,24,2,12,19,5,13,0,1,1,0,19,7,0,4,4,81,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457422641268774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491588608557985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178061573447696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242111645379155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093758866354106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799631164022673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802416261561368,0.0,0.09333699166690168,0.0,0.0,0.14984272688440495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592349876407106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613754015777,0.0,0.0,0.1929721193089851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764920559567206,0.0,0.09818109458786478,0.0,0.20152442045393215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775078388196773,0.0,0.1500205882288873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649326851634317,0.13778550986360022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346000214151754,0.0,0.12385307109200375,0.0,0.0,0.19610350650995526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001283288672267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368144279341456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808028343595427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264490375047855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541355995039805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144713877701538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070725567230094,0.0,0.12129128546215355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740454940506534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morsonYT,2019/03/15,My girlfriend wants to kill herself and I don't know what to do She had planned and tried to do it on her birthday (March 7th) I had no idea what to do apart from wait. She thankfully didn't. She keeps hurting herself. I managed to take her razors away so she can't cut herself. I've tried to talk to her about it but I just can't get her to listen to me. It doesn't help that she has a verbally abusive friend who thinks she(Her friend) knows more about her than I do. Her friend happens to be the only person she listens to however if I tell her friend she'll just make the whole situation worse.,1.5256133333333324,3.514095688000001,2.443700000000004,96.09568333333335,80.12,5.446666666666667,23.21666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.3469066666666669,471,16,107,4,12,148,74,125,0.128,0.7390000000000001,0.133,-0.0821,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,3,0,14,0,0,1,0,14,27,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,1,7,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,2,25,5,17,22,2,4,0,1,0,0,29,3,0,1,1,75,32,1,0.0,0.2172496054181572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722711609272193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5666486784962825,0.0,0.09579714518928258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621431412962961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290120509740962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628885506705532,0.20698920500381668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297728401245973,0.20285879485560115,0.0,0.2015378555726829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239309067826902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945225144604953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010139722989966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610241435262092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786262421148032,0.14737645801103538,0.16026323817559662,0.1688116899205446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174885965188523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489765028013646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814947742804773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471299657013425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685777492287786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paroi_ny,2019/03/15,"Recovery is killing me this is just a vent post honestly, but I'm feeling really suicidal and I'm not really sure what to do.

Ever since my parents discoverd my bulimia everything has gotten worse. i don't blame them bc I know they're trying to help me, but I would've been a lot better without it. 

I've gained 12 pounds and I've been away from school for 3 months. I'm behind on everything and none of my friends know why i'm gone nor have they asked ( I don't blame them for this, they're not obliged to think about me alll the time, it just makes me feel like shit)  . I've become more depressed than ever and my bulimia has only gotten worse, they watch me for 1.5 hours after every meal but I just sneak off and puke afterwards. I've attemped suicide 4 times but all the pills turned out to be expired.

I'm not sure if that causes any kind of liver damage but if it does that's just another reason to kill me off. I've been puking blood twice since this started and the only thing i was worried about when it happened was if I'd be able to puke again. 

​

​",2.55197012802276,4.312323409909912,3.5839592223802765,90.1782290184922,76.16216216216216,6.655666192508298,22.945471787577052,7.475848149327749,0.8466180180180181,855,25,180,11,19,275,127,222,0.259,0.665,0.075,-0.995,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,4,2,10,12,3,0,5,0,15,5,3,3,5,37,33,16,4,3,16,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,11,7,1,0,6,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,8,3,20,7,23,23,4,18,0,2,1,0,8,5,1,4,12,105,31,1,0.11302782477037865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449312018323577,0.27468235721586703,0.0768627967331205,0.11851952934933092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566575852550818,0.0,0.1061933620202418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483035231368868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996392590064662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611071098643877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735069985343307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891141113762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044802769397932,0.0952308172191534,0.0,0.20316424165480573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143005286200955,0.08074710059998576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732501703995256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999501321643222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576016841929267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130963967733297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500970832859475,0.11770108630806216,0.12423427312163395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055219685926852065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609221470651254,0.0,0.0,0.07544695070967093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021773138336776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192550793344402,0.0,0.0,0.1255040234662586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824941235347964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448170375815349,0.11621142862158187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439019293519505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602143787330745,0.18699556929474076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000167612349544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472681902809953,0.0,0.2130547744334404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509066443991518,0.07242366624932449,0.0,0.0,0.1318148671385939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673847367781197,0.12294181659324148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199003150174077,0.0,0.0,0.10895478967131217,0.0,0.0,0.11478524255549677,0.2303700193564641,0.08029172379015823,0.0,0.27468235721586703,0.0
suicidewatch,coolguy1076532,2019/03/15,"I want to die and I know what tree to hang my self from if I do follow through I’m a disappointment to everyone I met in my life, I’m a degenerate, a waste of oxygen. I have disappointed my parents numerous times. I have isolated myself from people who would actually accept me for what I am and instead surrounded myself with hate for the thing I am. I am a disappointed to not only my parents, but to God, and to my friends. I want to hang myself on my high schools grounds as one last fuck you to the cause of my woes. I want to fucking die and the only thing stopping me is that if I die, my cat would miss me. He is the only good thing left on my life, the only thing that still truly loves me. I want to fucking die. I want to hang from a tree on school grounds. I want to die. But I know I won’t kill myself.  I’m a fucking coward. I’ve never been able to commit to anything in my life, how would I be able to commit to suicide when I am so fucking cowardly",1.6396973158195325,2.9934939805825245,3.9145231296402048,88.5802484294689,77.64077669902912,6.788806396344945,24.253569388920607,7.5105763829236425,0.9817501998857794,744,25,169,10,17,258,93,206,0.282,0.5760000000000001,0.142,-0.9915,2,0,0,0,0,5,19.0,0,1,0,0,5,16,7,0,11,0,15,9,0,2,3,28,36,12,7,11,5,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,12,0,1,2,0,38,4,31,29,0,20,0,5,0,6,9,10,5,2,6,120,47,2,0.18507943662342008,0.0,0.09030541605737827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761523032755314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506378194472108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802080873511925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842566654934443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714959568129307,0.4277573920701061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761792520266507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913638132757563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977732931794176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238148741197056,0.0,0.10171481812281136,0.07543222153571656,0.0,0.0,0.10054467471323443,0.0,0.19609061930449148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352070876814338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137233565466465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270730807474865,0.28152250310187543,0.0,0.0,0.20550881169567628,0.0,0.0,0.06415538884016407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731027078244375,0.0,0.0,0.09653910836175676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390233858215896,0.07736734816287956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012234320289528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459171075520863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539606539322596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274939408900409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972126823832349,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathbycrows,2019/03/15,"ready to go now !! recently i asked my parents to put schooling on hold due to the pressures and anxiety that stemmed from teachers and classes (generally the whole environment) i used to be a high-acheiving, straight a average student who was on the principal's list with no fail every semester. after being in the hospital for a suicide attempt and being thrown around to different therapists, i feel that there isn't any reason to live anymore. my grades dropped significantly (failing) and i am a terrible burden to my parents. 

my parents act as if they don't give me any pressure to do well, but my mom has been shouting at me about my low grades along with attacking me about my body and weight. (i gained a lot of weight due to binge-eating that resulted from my stress)

i don't see a future, nor do i see any reason to continue to put up a facade and act as if i'm doing well. i have no passion for living and getting up in the morning has been getting increasingly difficult. i'm upset that i couldn't make something out of myself, that my parents could be proud of.

i wish my parents just let me drop out of school when i asked so that i could have a year to take time for myself, and get necessary treatment. the only alternative to trying harder in school is to kill myself. 

i think i'm going to go take a nice walk on the park bridge nearby now. ",7.069197431781702,6.321360438202247,7.5369957196361685,74.99435393258429,64.46816479400749,10.475013376136973,35.92536115569824,9.784248007369934,3.3782372391653297,1075,45,204,19,14,355,145,267,0.147,0.76,0.093,-0.9167,6,0,1,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,1,5,11,17,2,4,16,0,23,4,1,5,0,32,44,16,2,6,4,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,14,2,1,4,0,0,9,7,12,2,0,3,6,31,5,44,33,3,36,0,3,2,1,11,14,0,3,11,145,38,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842775161504808,0.0,0.07440638840859685,0.0,0.09645935650876902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658522581470535,0.18185667429992966,0.11065138736724138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803793400683157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531414169434254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161976135948277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194877863938761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917939902110433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524486510712355,0.09330410866624456,0.1658314373674541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276433441337833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760776351100394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945862165367103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717710829596978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826900352417506,0.0,0.0,0.06492420881462406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391395375394454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397335129278089,0.0,0.0,0.5399985917227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555356643096025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000063617549553,0.09603607184600756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29530787007079545,0.15501299419263026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487827178433883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141512612511567,0.0,0.0,0.1063905927808408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626024643117186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293053714867915,0.0,0.0623225880763007,0.0,0.0,0.05671518781395244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603560040943007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400452239826345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368817256753563,0.17490331606028656,0.0,0.0,0.108591336837175,0.11184834084316007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263457001859331
suicidewatch,AcceptableOil5,2019/03/15,"useless, hopeless no future I have terrible social anxiety. I take things way too personally. I make everyone  impatient. I want to be good in school, ever since I was a child but I never was. I try so fucking hard to understand math and all the other shit and nothing seems to go through my useless fucking head. When I was in the 2nd grade, My mom even threw my homework  across the room, after futilelessly trying to explain a retarded math problem. I'M THROUGH WITH BEING USELESS AND S L O W. I FUCKING HATE HAVING ADHD. JUDGING BY THE WAY I'M DOING IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW, I should just fucking die. My mother used to be a top straight A fucking student, and I can't even do it.

What the fuck is the point? I hate depending on people and I don't think I'll be able to fend for myself. My mom even threatens to kick me out at 18 if I misbehave.

I'm done. No one will fucking see this. I'm unseen. I'm invisble in evey way. I try going to the school counsler and they just get annoyed. I'm done.

I tried studying and i can't do it.

On top of the fact that I hate everything about myself. Doesn't help. I want to slash my wrists and die. My teachers get annoyed at me raising my hand all the fucking time. I forget things easily. I'm done. 

Why do I have to suffer so much?

Why do I have to see the person who sexually abused me every day?

Why do I have to pretend to be fine? 

Why can't I just forgive myself and others?

I'm done. Unheard and gone. 

So sick. So sick and tired. I know i'm being an attention seeker but at this point i don't even fucking care. I WANT FUCKINGA TTENTION. I'M DONE. I'm done with this. 

I try everything.  My lungs are literally filling up with poisoin and its getting harder to get up every morning. ",-0.19734028683181395,2.1101049830508494,2.0983333333333327,92.14383637548895,95.21468926553673,4.643980877879184,21.779443720121687,6.395487648340406,0.566353498478922,1340,53,278,17,52,451,175,354,0.307,0.634,0.058,-0.9988,0,0,0,0,1,1,46.0,0,0,1,2,16,26,15,0,15,0,36,17,5,3,5,43,81,20,2,6,6,3,2,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,13,16,0,0,7,1,0,5,9,22,0,1,11,4,44,4,37,62,3,36,0,5,2,9,12,20,10,3,8,182,57,8,0.0671463572971187,0.0795574535434865,0.0,0.0,0.08069687295636181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136677954463383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846018633453957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043303845577098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393746356635233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41228421739359816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177398142889476,0.06073772437674745,0.113147404042932,0.06416122189132302,0.12069363263307585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5586815280527957,0.14032480129619615,0.0,0.07632164448072737,0.05631917876347892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060149947249544734,0.19887937943284853,0.06891153431139299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045006787911792814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690188194154839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482071489583614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728200426565567,0.0,0.0,0.04936029857227379,0.0,0.05178741018916159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442874077385613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550010946591308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655082963497768,0.11725921847221428,0.0,0.0,0.12695002253295626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424999561971118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573426222502762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038670950728379,0.1070139065952361,0.06112752184248384,0.0,0.0,0.06892477084641026,0.05554416062748721,0.0,0.0,0.06844725532424703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048570422016199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921811234364249,0.043024674504917725,0.0,0.0,0.0391535809166515,0.07717486008485025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793984501045966,0.0,0.0,0.06990172598977629,0.0,0.05799289382368807,0.0,0.0,0.11881398370790976,0.15989295905035025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24235657405149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bumblefloop,2019/03/15,"just cant deal with it so many peoples burdens, i cant really do it anymore. this is my job, to keep people healthy, and cant keep myself healthy. but i need to be here, people depend on me, i cant go away surely. how can i help this?",-0.10730769230769256,1.4814475000000016,2.5352307692307683,95.40976923076923,83.61538461538461,4.929230769230768,20.015384615384615,5.6839178017228535,-0.2209276923076917,178,5,43,1,5,62,37,52,0.097,0.7609999999999999,0.141,0.3092,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,10,12,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,11,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,30,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556521913173257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24219629978355506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26576370608491395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650443422229478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278700017647156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558105750546608,0.4582600468254525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613522411691643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911433692138201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361443405459893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651428581815604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295811450608096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dg1698,2019/03/15,"I want to go to sleep and never wake up I wish I never existed, I know everyone around me wishes I didn't exist anyway I'm a failure and disappointment to my family and people only put up with me out of pity. The only thing that's stopped me from slitting my wrists is that my dad would have to pay for a funeral I'm already a financial burden and don't want to be the cause of him going bankrupt. And even that reason is wearing thin. I want to just fucking disappear and never reappear. ",1.713861386138614,3.857704792079212,4.121277227722775,83.50429207920793,80.2871287128713,6.812277227722772,23.961386138613854,7.908726449838941,1.5244130693069309,388,14,75,7,10,135,65,101,0.246,0.7020000000000001,0.053,-0.964,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,7,5,4,2,3,23,18,6,1,6,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,1,4,5,4,0,0,1,1,13,0,15,15,0,13,0,2,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479629974957486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652088970861727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906456482787081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257632664362422,0.0,0.0,0.17733324068233924,0.0,0.0,0.17495185731440954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156920048612348,0.0,0.0,0.21094306110468736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199198392848642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294009218346068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28228963234447685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866041562619385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656294262294112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081101957548025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185717791592721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551563376122945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329360728398757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283863391035528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42682434232281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183338215177676,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaSwayza,2019/03/15,"Non-emotional Idealations? Hey, didn't know where to go, this is more of a thinking out loud type of situation. Background, I had a hard early life, a cheating mother, a pedofile father who abused my half-sister, then lived with my perfectionist grandparents who provided me everything I could've needed and a lot of things I wanted, but at a cost. I was bullied relentlessly in school, but I'm not introverted, and chose my friends carefully. 

I feel in recent years I've turned a lot around, I'm married, have a house, a solid handful of friends, yet I've struggled with depression and the occasional musing about suicide. I think I need professional help, but I couldn't and can't afford it. This brings me to my delima:

I have a life insurance policy on myself, a hefty one. Lately the thought will emerge and stick with me that I don't make enough money to give my wife the life she deserves. It doesn't come from sadness, or anger, or greed, it's simple math. How much have I cost her, what my life is really worth in brass tax, and how much happier she may be with the money.

No doxing here, I have no plan for if I decide the money is worth more, and I certainly can't afford to be hospitalized, I just want to see what these thoughts mean, if I'm alone in this phenomenon and if it might manifest into something more dangerous... Thanks for listening to my rant",7.229757412398925,6.599260754716983,7.5106334231805985,74.92891509433963,64.09433962264151,11.194070080862534,32.89083557951482,10.608840637214634,3.274234501347708,1080,37,209,24,14,353,157,265,0.161,0.6990000000000001,0.14,-0.8284,4,1,1,0,1,1,40.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,4,1,16,0,20,5,1,3,1,48,44,19,1,9,10,3,3,0,2,3,4,2,0,0,14,16,0,0,8,0,9,3,9,7,0,1,5,6,29,6,27,33,8,19,0,2,1,0,14,10,0,9,6,141,43,5,0.0,0.16355841511388053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297094531885024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228875616639946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074406704279152,0.0,0.0,0.1189118453819789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110216125125081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889625766499733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527982631847626,0.0,0.14263534906144065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406417242233993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979870264168947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133034018700244,0.0,0.0,0.13242345099110253,0.0784530339657586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365943859605233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925273317879097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592831201998436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586483800389722,0.0,0.15571854821688366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900154921290426,0.0,0.0,0.1218945227126496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347184917324014,0.0,0.0,0.09214479305357606,0.0,0.0,0.1503693260975532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464418378568331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295501790077125,0.2047143121212004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354152829546038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843389847478622,0.0,0.136300836429068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970691401343924,0.11000242075555136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516614715030275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627226705954393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431254512932853,0.0,0.15099666724671232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709147343653815,0.0,0.0,0.09170965386921316,0.17690479670690915,0.0,0.21918148921407535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015117431595332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284270886917346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889518405749122
suicidewatch,LancelotsGuinevere,2019/03/15,"I think i am done. There's too much to write. 36 year old female, in a loveless marriage, having a loveless affair, struggled with mental illness since I was 16. So much debt, I will never get out of it. I say I and not we because my husband barely contributes. I have the flu, and I could totally take pills and it would look like an accident, maybe.

So many pills. Pills to sleep, pills to wake up, pills to calm me down, maintenance drugs. 

My heart breaks for my daughters. I love them so fucking much. They don't deserve such an awful mother. I try and I can't do enough. I can't keep up with work, and them, and homework and housework. I am not doing a good job. 

I hope they know that. I fucking love them. All I want for them is to be happy.

But I am so alone. And sad. And hurting. I hurt so much all the time. And no one can help. I don't want to feel like this any more. I can't do it. I shouldn't have even made it this long. I am not benefiting anyone with my existence.

I hope I don't wake up",-0.6135837245696365,1.5112605680751194,1.3918309859154938,99.13482003129893,91.20657276995306,4.282316118935838,17.278560250391234,5.82211442006289,-0.5871514866979655,763,20,182,6,27,251,119,213,0.152,0.7090000000000001,0.139,-0.4146,2,1,1,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,6,1,9,16,2,1,7,1,25,16,4,1,4,36,41,16,0,7,4,3,1,2,0,3,8,1,1,0,7,15,0,1,3,0,1,0,12,6,0,1,3,3,36,10,18,33,9,12,0,3,1,4,17,6,2,2,7,128,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407277605070409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924011289843442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950084703527098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828294562492681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848685672480787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904951136298094,0.0,0.0,0.15757436874937625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403974296860865,0.0,0.08974558342818922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870357531144307,0.09707067104983537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512324919101501,0.07099020855938705,0.0,0.0,0.11396731609471092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464376463207265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610150901438652,0.09107559692750852,0.0,0.0,0.2699133596381719,0.0,0.0,0.2909186225030118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483711621636774,0.1207738639771215,0.0,0.0,0.07467453425385072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327654350001918,0.0,0.0,0.12024701178154795,0.11410259379880187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452688858090337,0.12857025521897836,0.0,0.1377581146065006,0.1365068714714064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693221975418685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995413905831705,0.0,0.104796843212883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258022359108713,0.0,0.09207388089984546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805497222826682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239899178986544,0.0,0.13597528997537914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420483108916258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216271503686013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706459836295945,0.0,0.0,0.07923106534112791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225167318573232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028774016252764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892019158063227,0.0,0.0,0.09652323674963093,0.0,0.0,0.0875004368501055
suicidewatch,NightwolfXVI,2019/03/15,Not having anyone to talk to is actually going to be what drives me to suicide. Most everyone doesn't care and those that do care don't know how to help and I have never felt so alone in my life. I'm fucking sick and tired of crying and begging for help.,2.8516666666666666,3.893657685185186,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,74.0,6.881481481481483,22.759259259259267,7.1686216300943375,0.6353481481481476,201,5,44,2,4,67,42,54,0.329,0.593,0.078,-0.9542,0,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,10,14,6,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,8,12,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2349750280153963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24938446557882546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836505120954282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910002359511461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644950702563509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300839128132744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311949038582817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260526460916247,0.0,0.0,0.1368457619480297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227911676446079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233116728459934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007617326574392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571108248173407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633837461277543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353682873574726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767511786046689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Astrothrowawayy,2019/03/15,"I am my parents’ last surviving daughter but I don’t want to be alive. My parents lost a daughter to SIDS as a baby and another to a heroin overdose 4 years ago. It’s just me and my brother now. I feel so trapped because what kind of monster would I be if I put them through that for a third time? But I’ve always thought of it as my out — the first time I can remember thinking about suicide I was probably 10. The idea that I should let myself grow up and things might get better got me through my teenage years. The idea that if it got too bad I could always kill myself was very comforting.

After my sister OD’d 4 years ago I realized that was off the table, not an option. I saw how it destroyed my family. Seeing your stoic hardass father ugly-crying on his knees in a cemetery, yanking a knife out of your mothers hands that she was holding to her neck because she couldn’t take the pain. These images stay with you.

I’m angry. I feel so completely powerless. I did not choose to be born, and I cannot choose to die. This decision was taken from me. The same people that abused and neglected me all my life, the same people who mocked my mental health, the same people who would not listen to my cries for help, the same people who locked me in my bedroom so I couldn’t see the therapist I took the initiative of finding when I was 15, out of fear that I’d say incriminating things about them. Out of fear I’d tell the truth about what happened in our house. The same people who got my dead sister hooked on the opiates that killed her. I can’t get rid of this mess they made because it’d be too hard on them. It’s so incredibly unfair.

I wish they would just let me go. They decided to have me, then they caused me an absurd amount of trauma that makes me unable to function like a normal human being, unable to be a whole person with normal life experiences. I’m unfixable, I’ve never wanted this life, I’ve wanted to be dead for as long as I can remember. I just want it to be over. Can’t they just give me permission to kill myself? Realize they made a mistake and let me fix it? Please. I can’t do this anymore.",3.4207200460829483,4.5751382926267326,4.517347350230416,86.83173531105992,72.7557603686636,7.360483870967742,25.08323732718894,7.756953410329674,1.2011523041474659,1665,50,348,21,32,545,207,434,0.232,0.6940000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9983,3,1,0,0,1,4,40.0,1,3,9,4,16,19,5,2,25,0,37,8,3,5,3,70,67,21,7,17,11,9,4,1,0,5,5,2,1,2,30,12,0,2,15,0,0,4,11,14,0,2,17,9,66,5,50,30,8,34,0,2,3,0,38,13,0,4,17,244,96,0,0.0,0.09752365068486413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592533845692138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697669050408376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630899944207493,0.0,0.0,0.08162920185534803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872524286171168,0.15052586582178193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279632708763567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845548353487791,0.0,0.0,0.08630025670918888,0.0,0.0,0.06571767572493112,0.0,0.18082689525037104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542457480335275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051477600404068,0.07759435173446402,0.18524281143227214,0.08323661353584665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522966378204525,0.07001267173786531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600694400401415,0.07895905794849263,0.04677855477088877,0.0,0.19749199270278534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278628213059556,0.0,0.07373341130220055,0.0,0.0,0.08749146580326585,0.0,0.0,0.05517052227367073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497445523392377,0.0,0.1858354852748821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731907872942452,0.08571298796295378,0.0,0.06709347073582657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525020339260962,0.17441353257303385,0.04021240944861322,0.0,0.0,0.07284158068287637,0.0,0.0,0.08985086714556033,0.0,0.0,0.1557670411962508,0.054942429002684895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294891644734023,0.08731768787839818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348239009938822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129225112501708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758342785267915,0.0,0.1827905789163282,0.0,0.0,0.2853162492142048,0.07186974037331187,0.0,0.09035144052844757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887438831622657,0.0,0.0,0.08274408064434316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648191054898144,0.0,0.0,0.06545605467560618,0.0,0.0,0.13118050390479002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773129250849347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003355908587135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061886724167902266,0.0,0.07194239099941672,0.0,0.0,0.09556801896873914,0.1093659441752797,0.05274079473840955,0.0,0.06534478515158881,0.09599100972456154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144921363496357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791420314821485,0.19419380464498687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189594949887532,0.09465220505635524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754115557626568,0.0,0.0,0.1590144329453167
suicidewatch,Aessm,2019/03/15,"Only option I can see. I know this is going to be fairly long 

I can't express how I feel. I think I go back a little bit it might be easier to explain. I could of been killed last year. I was at gunpoint but I lived. Now I can't stop wishing that the trigger was pulled because then I could have what I want.

It seems like now, I have everything I thought would make me happy, it did for a while 1-2 months, but not anymore. I didn't have a normal life, I'm 19 now in college and I was really happy to start, it's not that I regret it, but rather things I wasn't expecting happened. I have a severe case of generalized anxiety disorder. I went through therapy for nearly a year, it helped me get back to a certain level where I felt almost normal, but now I think I have lost a lot of  progress and am now worse than I was a year ago. I take medication, but I realized it has been affecting my memories, I don't even remember anything that basically happened from longer than 2 years ago, unless I really concentrate and have pictures of it. I attempted suicide about 5 years ago and haven't told anyone about it, and I even forgot about that until I recently saw the scars. I used to self harm, I was clean for about 2 years, I started again recently, the only reason I know I still do it is to put a physical feeling on the mental pain I feel. It works, but not all the time.
Everything that used to bring me joy no longer does. I have never been in a real relationship, but I have tried, the main reason I feel I have to live right now is over one person. I don't know that many people, specifically I feel like I always am there for people but I have never really had someone that's been there for me. But this one person, she means a lot to me. I have never trusted someone as much as her, we are friends, but I think I am for once in love with someone, and it's her. Part of me is telling myself that she found out and now she's distancing herself from me. 
If my life really has gotten to this, if all I really am here for is one person that might not even care about me. What's the point?
I don't know of any goals I have anymore.
I don't think if I was to ask her to a date she'd say yes, but rather not talk to me again.
I'm struggling more and more everyday when this feeling. It feels like guilt and depression. 

I know this probably isn't going to read right, I haven't been this down ever. I have a few ideas on how to end myself, but I don't know if I should even try to accomplish anything before I try because it seems useless to go another day feeling like this. ",3.1458742690058483,3.9270199129629617,4.702105263157897,86.6613157894737,73.01851851851852,8.054580896686161,25.136452241715396,8.371475516178862,1.3882037037037045,2003,59,442,32,38,675,225,540,0.114,0.757,0.129,0.7475,0,0,0,1,0,1,56.0,1,0,0,6,31,21,1,2,20,1,61,5,0,9,7,100,114,34,2,16,24,0,9,4,1,4,4,1,1,4,33,12,0,2,30,1,0,8,21,9,0,3,24,12,81,12,55,81,11,66,0,4,2,1,24,16,0,12,46,324,114,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331803835377038,0.0,0.06526218941834326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054229858340349775,0.0,0.0,0.04432044814356185,0.06834045699332336,0.04985781150326026,0.0,0.12926987903593315,0.0455710663901072,0.0,0.10726503922872976,0.0,0.06092874537912725,0.0,0.0,0.1002293246453108,0.0,0.07945873953719998,0.0,0.05545814010920989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115295667424944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644907654332646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407202077681403,0.0,0.0,0.04203173703489086,0.0,0.056134135472256944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746948704703337,0.0,0.05703406920454646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772468027295271,0.0,0.0,0.17218683451872951,0.05895347226277892,0.0,0.0,0.11714809530223458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26363082618906336,0.1396806193760008,0.06257710989953386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145975487805756,0.05035314942797482,0.0,0.034050643014221664,0.0,0.1481591876256324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526602824281988,0.13875753554378153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368465315454642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357333575500978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210520096684554,0.0,0.21490703800403874,0.05312538067866083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206842545514334,0.12736259051943866,0.06532131246485308,0.11509939481118532,0.057676800150194524,0.0,0.0,0.07114494851831822,0.11081694135297693,0.058821937860576774,0.0,0.04350404628299143,0.06607604735875827,0.0,0.07099342138938483,0.0,0.06565579018239881,0.06567990468846463,0.13827829616342602,0.0,0.0,0.05202113968464769,0.0,0.047910273600521414,0.0,0.1507982566753871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277130568378716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940801574656995,0.13249044817913985,0.0991352888885492,0.0693495640452991,0.0,0.0,0.07057692081999414,0.0,0.09036667316254053,0.17072185749528915,0.0,0.0,0.0616103476789212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026842588693935,0.0,0.0,0.06551771334716877,0.0,0.0,0.06519147996347355,0.07418210169947799,0.20876016347421592,0.13401913057614956,0.128702614655023,0.06997231674781153,0.07382925923303382,0.11131621162945184,0.0,0.051828855836905816,0.0,0.0,0.05193511478188599,0.1186636378103392,0.067990532131795,0.07362789158857762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566475702009978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226076304094588,0.0,0.05204791520506267,0.054488251036134916,0.0,0.0681338514578057,0.0,0.07128960609482311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049002618948128,0.05238426625886153,0.05696481143188532,0.0,0.07453196942262423,0.0,0.04329860531786756,0.16704306794950016,0.0,0.051740751349889036,0.038003391965108935,0.0,0.0,0.06227639994632728,0.0,0.13274628381254347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257854957707134,0.0,0.0,0.038441221195066134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604168054060517,0.0,0.0,0.07494670301812922,0.0,0.0,0.04744733391778624,0.0,0.06641771397006642,0.046297628135426636,0.0,0.0,0.2518189084861407
suicidewatch,PaisleyBeth,2019/03/15,"When suicidality is no longer an emotionally charged subject. My dad committed suicide. I struggle every single day. I have PTSD. The option of suicide is no longer an emotional thing to me. It is an end of life decision. Don't pity the dead, pity the living. I refuse to hold onto guilt and shame for my end of life decisions. I love you all so very much.",1.4481159420289842,4.115035260869568,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681163,87.69565217391305,6.544927536231885,23.608695652173914,7.793537801064563,1.598026086956522,279,11,54,6,9,93,50,69,0.28,0.55,0.17,-0.8684,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,3,6,0,5,3,0,0,2,8,6,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,7,6,3,5,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230433288871576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266466994947303,0.3359356053325777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978278124194312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679015465399026,0.0,0.0,0.16745863591827506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711606128313801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940975235840228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22168303811861356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825650419273516,0.0,0.6223174437037138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259906778065743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647570277678882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blurrydarkness,2019/03/15,"3/15/19 Today has been the first day I’ve seriously contemplated suicide after about 6 months. I started taking prozac at the beginning of those 6 months, felt way better, then stopped taking after 4 months or so. There’s just so much shit going on that I wasn’t prepared for. First breakup? Check. Thought I could handle it but there’s some weird stuff spiraling out of it.. maybe she never liked me in the first place? Doubt and paranoia kicking in? Hell yeah! Losing my will to do stuff? Why yes! Why do I even get out of bed.... Feeling of loneliness coming back? Check. 

Used to be depressed... now I think because of the pills it has seriously toned down. As of right now, I’m not thinking about killing myself because I’m depressed, I’m thinking about it because life just sucks for me. Maybe in my next life I’ll be something better..",2.2387138157894744,4.9768409437500045,2.5917105263157936,91.48013157894741,83.3125,4.868421052631579,24.046052631578945,6.339386263674448,0.6896250000000004,661,25,127,6,19,202,103,160,0.237,0.674,0.08900000000000001,-0.9805,0,0,1,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,6,13,14,4,1,4,2,10,5,1,1,1,21,28,7,2,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,6,0,2,2,3,11,0,3,4,2,11,3,24,20,2,32,1,3,0,0,1,10,3,3,20,78,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884243382861772,0.0,0.2350777648937845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737351844232914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072931020618147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263195789700484,0.0,0.0,0.08290027297450074,0.0,0.22142959021535424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490212748267237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499573000464047,0.0,0.12342243881856164,0.0,0.0,0.32801848964348523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715895654022147,0.0,0.0730545414269309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221493720496794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158891687555195,0.06280012596217724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380790282301995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582795355762492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078078840797395,0.0,0.09449466141428417,0.0,0.09914108976026904,0.0,0.13670804707911746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430116479509238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977590960502656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194861199334598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989594837061856,0.0,0.0,0.09098413461453082,0.0,0.0,0.10746857502103796,0.0,0.0,0.2943043486353846,0.14060631852068334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329824431919546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470974954000184,0.0,0.10204961092259808,0.0,0.0,0.12184472165528595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110207803601521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203227739035434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319820085061783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notobeseenbyfriends,2019/03/15,"Everyone hates me in school. I want to die My life is such shit. Everyone hates me because of how much of a bitch I was my freshman year. 

I would preach about communism and make edgy comments which would piss off a shit ton of people.

I’ve changed, but I don’t think people noticed.

Whenever I try and mention my status of hatred to anyone, it just get drowned with “Oh your such a pessimist”

I get a lot of comments like “commie whore” and it’s not even out of joke, it’s meant to insult me.

I’m an epitome of a loser. I’m unattractive, my grades are complete shit, and I have no one who legitimately wants me around.  

If I don’t post an update by Sunday, I’ll be dead.

I’ve already talked about this in r/MMFB and it’s made feel better for a little bit but now I feel like shit again.

",1.5112727272727255,3.2827097030303065,3.0745454545454542,92.6118181818182,79.24242424242425,5.854545454545455,21.909090909090907,6.742157984588678,0.3676545454545455,611,18,137,6,15,201,104,165,0.34,0.588,0.07200000000000001,-0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,1,0,2,10,15,9,0,8,0,9,7,5,3,0,25,23,9,3,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,11,0,1,3,2,18,4,20,17,4,12,1,1,0,1,7,6,6,2,7,83,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357064517103486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730652117717133,0.0,0.0,0.12388523105418707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483292288247131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307901704941905,0.15193075856886745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721678212314626,0.0,0.1459105313664044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144429988699897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919163363223605,0.0,0.0,0.26595383036859555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073073445287068,0.09941860207965796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541461844214995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27479075980964346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829546355804128,0.13597674569943288,0.13947862488602386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831203332224058,0.0,0.13168009353034504,0.09289287559545717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230135965668902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584388378389862,0.0,0.0,0.09430095030879136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929572268624848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332803923876036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084113223554512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5713983079976074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118545410026886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917050398702261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094483043008185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641647563071315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19771585303918526,0.0,0.0,0.08961688447101379
suicidewatch,MiserableMiddleChild,2019/03/15,"My parents want nothing more than for me to kill myself A little back story. I’m the middle child. I’ve always felt neglected. My mom has always been fascinated with parents of children who commit suicide. She likes the constant sympathy they get. She’s a complete narcissist. 

I’m 30 years old, I’m unemployed and a total failure. I’ve been looking for a job but I always had bad teeth and final got my teeth fixed so job interviewers wouldn’t look at me like I’m a drug addict. Well now I’m having another dental issue and I’m potentially going to need 3 teeth in the front pulled. I have partial dentures and I don’t think they can add teeth to my partial and I don’t want to speak to people if I’m missing teeth in the front.  I feel like I’m frozen and I don’t want to keep looking for a job if that’s how I’m going to look. Plus who knows if my health insurance will cover any of it. 

Now onto money. I have $200 to my name. My states department of labor has me paying them back for an overpayment and multiple fines. I owe them $555 still and have a monthly payment plan of $25 a month. I’ve been told numerous times if I don’t pay them back or default on my payment plan they will throw me in jail. I’m terrified of that.  My younger brother had a tax warrant for $567 and I know for a fact that my parents paid it and we were told not to tell him because he couldn’t handle it. I’ve asked my parents to borrow some money towards it but I get told “no you have to get a job and if you go to jail so be it”. My younger brother is 26 and doesn’t have to pay for anything. 

I know I have to get a job. I have generalized anxiety disorder and I feel like I have a legitimate mental block when it comes to job hunting. I had anxiety attacks during the last 2 job interviews I went on and didn’t get hired. 
I’ve asked my health insurance if they could send me a list of mental health professionals accepting new patients but I can’t wait much longer. The earliest appointments are months from now. 

My problems may be small to some but I’m a loser and can’t handle them. I accept that some of it is my fault but I can’t help but get mad that I receive absolutely zero support from my family . I truly believe my mother wants nothing more than for me to die and at 30 years old maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s time to give up. I can’t handle going to prison and that threat looming over my head is enough to make me want to die. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired of being alone and I’m tired of being a complete failure. ",1.4862398814274336,3.2669186592178825,3.494509938053437,89.5281883479649,79.35381750465551,6.394846653745298,23.24968646676548,7.369714342285796,0.8815654543381601,1988,66,434,27,49,674,233,537,0.174,0.747,0.079,-0.9956,14,1,1,0,0,4,38.0,1,2,8,3,12,19,4,0,23,0,45,13,6,2,3,72,102,36,4,16,14,8,3,4,0,4,7,1,0,2,17,23,0,4,10,0,9,13,15,10,1,1,15,8,66,9,56,77,8,50,0,3,4,0,42,15,0,11,25,261,83,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226970640472158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866007873757521,0.0,0.0,0.1654845219905864,0.0,0.0,0.045081857116517535,0.06951452087016093,0.10142870067791722,0.0,0.06574534396956452,0.0,0.0,0.05455390654493748,0.0,0.12395095756131247,0.07541843307349315,0.0,0.15292684128244746,0.05535230810343967,0.040411905706271456,0.0,0.0,0.07469007920735561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710598505555644,0.13901495869239872,0.07163972836594074,0.0,0.05292996987857754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760438485856066,0.0,0.07597810082995576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687941971345863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849891266703974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624956171189549,0.0,0.06703997666758292,0.09472018730885017,0.06365216159632181,0.07262129499567836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781372310862012,0.0635947713115649,0.15070450789221834,0.0,0.053020972463947866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803626243351371,0.2114006893206042,0.0,0.0,0.04443513940379613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919319626419665,0.4605025254409657,0.05892471378946928,0.07334394175834415,0.0,0.14573270783498685,0.054038055149130834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955063290850166,0.06644350855084201,0.0,0.0,0.22267939306815965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425142977271729,0.0,0.13320147367765287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133616522513524,0.0,0.0,0.07764215254541228,0.1587445311048165,0.0,0.04873335445245765,0.04915579440844954,0.0,0.06402668081989246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272208131585945,0.0,0.13912776474113406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944443706933655,0.0,0.0,0.045959569659726925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343393173604138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661429157006345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294207921559802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251433526685787,0.0752290845535529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057943445908379576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424782015809672,0.0,0.0,0.07731255247981629,0.15238926506195896,0.0,0.19003885667067152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955081360737728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960582307407177,0.061454743867424576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538168819079431
suicidewatch,Fr8liner,2019/03/15,"Time to go So i prepared for this moment and i am just about to take my pills   I got 95 amitryptiline 5 codeine 2 ocycodone 2 vyvanse and a can of bourbon.  I drove my truck to the hook up yard and parked where i wont get disturbed.  Wrote my goodbyes.  Everyone thinks i am at work   Not that they will care as long the money comes in.  I thought i might cry but i feel nothing really.
I really enjoyed reddit this past few months.  Reading your stories and comments.  To all of you, good luck.  ",0.1845021645021632,2.5842612525252555,1.709271284271285,95.40295454545456,93.04040404040407,4.444733044733044,22.222943722943725,6.18269132825596,0.3788580086580087,380,15,81,4,14,122,76,99,0.065,0.799,0.136,0.7097,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,15,17,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,1,3,2,1,0,0,4,1,16,4,12,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,51,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582054736443441,0.0,0.0,0.21815263693809409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781834707669278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419914343658547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805091862151935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231278544027525,0.0,0.14392793401234893,0.21241426596216934,0.20254733273192807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411847200556492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686584585741403,0.0,0.0,0.20214190641212212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430004126271133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417559872093441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533187492917084,0.0,0.324477146663036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041264519402007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622725127368108,0.0,0.2010523833284793,0.1476722376426781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843691735793392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imaginary_Bet,2019/03/15,"I don't want to live anymore I need help. I’m done with life and don’t want to live anymore. I’ve tried asking the people I thought were closest to me but they just hurt even more or plain ignore me so , who better to ask than strangers.

Some of the stuff I’m about to write is hard to get out.

Im a 22 year old living in Spain originally from the uk. I’ve been felling this way for years but only a few months ago realised how bad it really is.Ive never felt at home. nobody has ever made me feel comfortable or safe. No one has ever made me believe they care about me or love me.

Ive forgotten the amount of times I’ve cried myself to sleep not wanting to wake up. It takes so much just to get out of bed and brush my teeth of a morning. I hate everything I see in the mirror and see no-one beside me.

I've lost interest in the things I used to do as a kid my sleep is all over the place I either sleep too much or not enough the same for my diet.

I don’t have any close friends of girlfriend and my family don’t seem to care.

Im not close with any of my family, I’m probably the ¨black sheep¨

My parents have called me many things in my life. Lazy, fat, stupid, useless, ugly, good for noting just to name a few

When I was 13 my dad chocked me until I passed to and when I work up my mum was just sitting on the sofa watching tv , then my parents just called me an idiot and told me to go to my room.

When I was 16 my dad threatened me with a knife and when I told him \`do it, I have no reason to live, I have no want to live because I have no friends, no girlfriend, no dream, no wants, no future’ my mum came into the kitchen called me stupid and told me to go to my room.

Last year I got into my first relationship, this Ukrainian girl, beautiful, funny, smart, had ambition. She seemed perfect. After a few months I saw a video online from my favourite football (soccer) team and that’s when I first realised what was truly wrong and how bad it had gotten. I couldn’t hide it from her anymore I had to tell her. I took hours of crying, panic attacks and lots of drafts of what I was going to tell her. I finally got up the courage and told her everything. she was crying telling me how much I meant to her and that if she was what was keeping me going then I should hold on to that because she wasn’t going to let go of me. That the what I needed, someone that wanted me, someone that cared how I felt. After telling her I decided that if she was going to hold on then I’m going to do my best to try and get better. And it worked, I left my really bad job (this was also bringing me down), I went back to the gym, started taking courses, looking at what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t rest all my hopes on us staying together forever, but I was doing my best to see a happy future with and without her.

A couple of months later I found out she had cheated on me. The one person I truly trusted and believed couldn’t hurt me when I was so broken. I had told her I was hurting, I told her she was keeping me going and she did that. I had the worst panic attack I had ever had, I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t feel my arms, my heart was beating out of my chest, I could taste blood in my mouth and I had pins and needles in my head. I thought if \`finally” I’m going to die, but no. when I asked her to talk to me she wouldn’t and with my anxiety it was so much worse, I believed that nobody wanted me, that I am the problem, that I will never find happiness, and when this is the first person In your life to want to know who you are, how you are, if your doing ok, when that person does the 1 thing you thought impossible, you must be the problem, right?

After that I walked into traffic, along railway tracks, I cut my wrists, took a stupid amount of pills, but no I’m to stupid to kill myself. I then told my sister where I was mentally she shrugged me of told me it was just because of the breakup. I have cried out for help from my family from my then girlfriend all for them to hurt me even more.

I wish I liked drinking, I wish I liked drugs, I wish I was a womaniser because then I might fit in somewhere.

I done with being lonely, I’m done with always thinking that I’m the problem that I could have done better. I don’t want to cry myself to sleep anymore and just want it to end and to best and only option I can see is killing myself.",2.2183007232584733,3.3181167945945944,3.6382291587362015,92.18286791016372,75.64864864864866,6.2923486867148855,22.54168252759802,6.518991248411421,0.3345963456414158,3365,88,771,25,71,1109,340,925,0.208,0.655,0.13699999999999998,-0.9972,3,2,2,0,0,5,98.0,1,6,3,15,36,56,12,2,35,1,80,26,15,10,10,146,170,65,3,33,25,7,5,2,5,5,7,0,6,5,39,45,5,6,16,7,0,18,28,30,0,5,63,14,161,26,113,93,24,106,0,7,7,1,76,38,0,15,49,547,200,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037218297245644176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033576406931989905,0.03493594215243563,0.0,0.0,0.057104210112288965,0.0,0.03211938352472018,0.0,0.16655640100359456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775449111224473,0.0955308925592247,0.0,0.032284851878184764,0.10517035125581166,0.10237776800208263,0.0,0.0,0.14191245378390738,0.13218600785768628,0.11140033808749088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861803564229438,0.04802111044501321,0.12842340909121286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670452442403043,0.04645701190601025,0.2305997439718824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043575122055345125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036742469986603216,0.17186613627260175,0.0,0.0411305626882468,0.04869074631599072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037187375230209964,0.04338304310858578,0.0,0.055463073980422835,0.11393696164932925,0.0,0.0,0.07546910882674614,0.0,0.1187427630310644,0.0,0.042459041823123655,0.0,0.08062681181263884,0.09198781845525003,0.038374692400067266,0.10714050576504204,0.0,0.046035780639122836,0.06487697993117529,0.0,0.06580828335188373,0.0,0.23861766223671302,0.035216093329924016,0.06716051524039457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939033557027021,0.037611453196536734,0.04145275162787152,0.04309002860304437,0.0,0.0,0.04975393504327367,0.056285026819659016,0.0,0.04211565464753905,0.04170184220233794,0.041348020900979415,0.0,0.17978869227674046,0.0,0.09070475831504272,0.0,0.04166489684698108,0.07463865626350823,0.09290317942774894,0.0,0.02307455731840524,0.034224415903274984,0.0,0.0,0.04561820789827732,0.042933808266458005,0.11862458373318235,0.04102474384909813,0.0,0.18537323911429127,0.0,0.03525789436916904,0.0,0.045832976185826144,0.03569522741807408,0.03789425016554485,0.07945685240987822,0.0,0.042567490287349456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231228738184615,0.044540800064273724,0.0,0.0,0.1005391263602683,0.0,0.12345896509707785,0.06226457807365093,0.06476480341432862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440575301151466,0.0,0.0569019696896722,0.06386490438789169,0.0,0.0985236886119513,0.0932415736944772,0.0,0.0,0.02910799477200156,0.10998238092711404,0.04386671841767087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452683030540439,0.12052557717646613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379496253960653,0.043168880911905017,0.0,0.04507754371828365,0.0,0.035856047287710184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383049273798792,0.07644545114098199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680663778501901,0.0,0.07114966484118831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02971809976257875,0.0447517800109758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806423686042452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313690329579437,0.03374697540664032,0.1467914110649999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836814413845142,0.026903108072969896,0.0,0.09999723130781206,0.02448253312698621,0.0,0.0,0.32095746108457235,0.09329658719828872,0.057011845923450113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050431615849167,0.03626265876397551,0.0,0.0,0.2724105046821824,0.033326748793469245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038921695230214166,0.0,0.0,0.14484642379430454,0.040473268385834524,0.0,0.061133012837163374,0.0,0.04278759864339875,0.0,0.04590539783997771,0.0,0.08111334870679057
suicidewatch,barkborkbrork,2019/03/15,"Got in an incredibly minor car accident, but afraid of consequences Uh...

Long story short, I pulled a hit and run on somebody after panicking. After we had pulled over. Like a dick. Doesn't help that the guy in my passenger seat was screaming about the guy possibly pulling out a gun when he reached into his passenger side. It's worth noting that it didn't look like I did any damage to his car, though I only saw it from an angle and from afar.


He might have got my plate, I'm not sure, but I'm very concerned about whether or not he did. Like, I'm prepared to kill myself if the cops show up. I can't go to jail. I can't afford a fine. My life will be ruined. I'll have to die. 

It's really petty, I know, but I am stressed the fuck out right now and ready to blow my brains out of they show up. I don't wanna die, but I don't want to live in misery over something small. I know I'm being paranoid, but my stress levels are through the roof. I just needed to get home. I didn't see him coming. I don't know what happened. It's the second accident I've gotten into within a span of two weeks, and I feel really shitty.",1.156737967914438,2.908399815126053,3.0072421695951133,92.77051184110009,80.26050420168067,6.007944996180291,19.22154316271964,6.980632752743323,0.1300605042016807,868,20,197,10,22,290,139,238,0.311,0.63,0.058,-0.9973,1,0,1,1,0,2,32.0,1,0,1,0,6,13,2,3,13,0,20,4,2,0,1,31,42,14,3,4,11,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,1,2,8,11,0,0,4,2,1,8,10,8,1,2,10,5,25,5,32,27,0,34,0,2,3,2,11,20,2,3,9,118,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383441761889214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045250750118876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152889166636236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31693617072308994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720463818151062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115941964763973,0.07977420885903436,0.0,0.08677723041159305,0.0,0.24424023984425525,0.0,0.0,0.30237415835509623,0.13502323887912418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234487035178,0.0,0.1531604925229327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892883224993233,0.0,0.2517432479593734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784944352612434,0.22378982445386894,0.0,0.13482804359055708,0.135125821253381,0.12822112138814895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619799319825665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321768026999215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612760495877825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721350024950236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956342131393248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039640267902508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167413966302155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754820099135245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498116964278338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390849256391988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001712324716582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915591692403804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598521873275065,0.09006050215059767,0.0,0.12247868624300465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Awesomer963,2019/03/15,Ive been depressed and have had suicidal thoughts for so long that I think its time I finally do it once and for all to finish some “favors” for the people that told me to. I constantly overdose on painkillers and sometimes anti depressants and have been for the past 2 years. What sets this for me straight is a friend of several months and others adding me to a call to try to convince me to do it. Well good job guys you win. Enjoy your lives.,6.098314606741575,5.792130292134836,5.80368539325843,85.15676404494383,66.30337078651687,9.367191011235958,31.28314606741573,8.841846274778883,2.2181262921348304,352,12,74,5,5,109,63,89,0.122,0.674,0.203,0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,2,9,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,9,12,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,5,0,10,7,13,7,2,11,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,8,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187064467845392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314574863732285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689538029143079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346287846180573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547850798686906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17964789937954148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207645027096256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125451885392758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912894565602706,0.1895466508597073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096012218869114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280996326654884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044634576112744,0.14848864883877907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419676581248316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183406827677034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23428321337510816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724085766160293,0.0,0.17003866556045874,0.12489277577009986,0.0,0.0,0.20466258541886492,0.0,0.14541729918683158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925776981099093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792787453071548
suicidewatch,Your_Local_Doggo,2019/03/15,"Kinda wish I could just restart as a different person There's no extremely traumatic event that happened in my life, just unhealthy people propagating and creating more unhealthy people like me. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live this particular life either",7.883605442176872,8.787060897959186,7.877959183673473,67.67299319727894,62.46938775510204,11.431292517006804,36.74149659863946,11.20814326018867,4.5365455782312925,220,10,35,6,3,71,39,49,0.218,0.637,0.145,-0.3984,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,7,3,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047353293139305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995861210383884,0.3015908939220333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552633124426749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407781748210368,0.1410259259943621,0.0,0.2548942930327832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002444896826151,0.2520489775692919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405212656732757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319476511980328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JesusTheCoolest,2019/03/15,"Effective methods. I am constantly battered by suicidal thoughts. Mostly brought on at random, but sometimes its triggered by seeing people, I.E. my friends having fun, I cant help but feel hopeless, even if I'm taking part in the activity.

I dont really wanna go into my whole shpeel about ""Why I feel this way."" Or some stupid shit. I'm just posting this to peruse my methods.

I honestly feel hopeless and I cant think of a better escape from my miserable life. ",3.1552525252525245,5.761692000000004,4.7165151515151535,78.66282828282829,77.86363636363636,7.092929292929293,29.09595959595959,8.167268648758528,2.537912626262626,368,17,61,7,9,123,67,88,0.277,0.5710000000000001,0.151,-0.9418,0,0,2,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,2,1,2,0,5,2,1,2,0,18,16,5,1,2,5,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,2,4,10,4,11,14,4,9,0,3,1,0,2,4,1,5,1,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025267650758112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474613836422424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683795024953595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124851253494653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473590512675138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692035453738894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301426837272245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348998844650946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174537897100758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797840841100274,0.0,0.1587557485073485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193131482960892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669955128813486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824787331980956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350592604303985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264811238544499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504824927220879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217514328402286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146730240016624,0.0,0.18179581966262368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176494091969253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066316520077171,0.25566385173763034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,universeonwheels,2019/03/15,I will kill myself if meditation doesn't helo me feel better. I am giving myself a week into trying meditation and if it doesn't help I am gone.,4.125,4.766139499999999,7.173333333333336,70.35000000000002,70.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,21.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,1.4986666666666664,115,2,21,2,2,43,22,30,0.21600000000000005,0.62,0.16399999999999998,-0.3935,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064085382845516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234737102969305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408139340126471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30800690379125073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083913478372812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119842546858733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685996259554772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrQuezel,2019/03/15,"I was going to post to r/depression but while typing i realized it just made much more sense to post it here. Im hopelessly depressed and want to put a bullet in my brain and have absolutely 0 idea how to deal with it and help myself much less if i even can. I've never done anything like this before so i'm just gonna start at the beginning and just say whats on my mind. I've been depressed since i was a kid in middle school. My brother had ADHD ADD and Bipolar as well as some general anger management issues that balled up into making him an extremely difficult to control nut case that my parents struggled to figure out how to deal with properly. Because of this and his incessant bullying and violence (multiple attempts at my life simply out of anger) I was always left with little attention this made me act out a lot in school until 6th grade where a teacher really got through to me and helped me be a bit better off. After 6th grade my mental state really started to go down hill. I tried online school in 7th and that didn't work out and was so miserable that i eventually just lied my way out of having to do any of it by winging it extremely hard and keeping to my story (not proud of this in the slightest for the record). 8th wasn't much better i was always quiet and socially withdrawn suicide became a common thought and the lack of sleep i was getting made me bitter and easy to irritate this combined with my lack of interest in school and and natural lazy personality made getting work done a struggle that would often make me give up out of frustration only to be carried to the end by my wits and school smarts. 9th was about the same but around this time I started getting worse and i got really sick suicide was a daily thought my relationship with my mom was falling apart and i withdrew from nearly every social activity i used to participate in. Eventually after numerous doctors visits and a few trips to the ER concerning my physical health i got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and having been homebound for months by this point i was fed up and dropped out and started pursuing a GED which ive been doing for the last 4-5 months or so i could have easily finished it by now but my motivation is very low and im a procrastinator so i keep pushing it off. Over the course of this timeline i withdrew from all of my social circles offline quit skating quit playing card games at my local comic shop lost interest in doing street magic and a handful of other activities. It feels like depression has taken every single source of joy in my life and every activity or thing ive ever been drawn to or held an interest in and sucked the interest and joy out of it until i just didnt feel like doing it anymore. For a long time now ive been slowly devolving into an antisocial shut in with poor health bad hygiene with my only saving grace being a fairly wide circle of friends online including some of the most important people in my life. To make matters worse ive been ""gifted"" with a very racey mind constantly thinking and trying to understand things. I don't think i need to really say it but its hell just being conscious because every single thought i have even things as basic as what i want to eat what i feel like doing or what i want to say get second guessed and turned against me by my own mind ""I want to play league"" turns into ""Is that really what you want?"" in a matter of seconds until it rabbit holes its way down eventually turning into ""You don't really want to play league"" thinking to myself ""I want to ask someone for help"" eventually devolves into ""I shouldn't burden anyone with my problems"". I want to fix all of this I want to feel better about myself I want to make the questions stop and to be able to clearly and simply decide what I want to do or what I want to say or how I feel but idk how to fix it nor do i even have the motivation and the drive to. I've tried smoking weed it did the opposite of help and just reconfirmed that i really don't like drugs. I've had 3 therapists the first was a family therapist in middle school and it helped at first but my fear of talking about what was really on my mind and how i really felt made it pointless the second was mandated by the state for a while after i tried to drown myself and got admitted to the ER by my parents and we didn't get along the third is a guy who i met through the school system and became good friends with they had him come in at first to help manage my episodes of just mentally shutting down and giving up out of frustration and years later i started going to him for therapy and it helped for a while and i enjoy talking to him and was finally able to be open about how i felt and how alone frustrated and helpless i felt and how far over the edge mentally ive really gone but i could still never look him in the eye and tell him i wanted to die out of fear of how he would look at me or how anyone would look at me. Sometimes ill go weeks in a great mood other times ill go weeks feeling empty and sad all day every day regardless of what i do and sometimes it rapidly shifts back and forth between the two and makes me second guess everything even more. The entire experience is horrible and i dread every shift. Every friend i have with depression or who has been really sad before tries to empathize but they dont really understand how deep it goes or how bad off i really am and how much im struggling. there is just so much shit and idk how to fix any of it where id start and if i could even last a week without second guessing and doubting myself into oblivion until i eventually get frustrated and give up and i guess by extension idk what i hope to gain from posting this but im just gonna do it. This has been a gigantic mess of my problems tangled in a web and its super disorganized and all over the place but idk how else i should do it no other way feels right.",6.305123803658942,6.000396322607963,7.005401816642294,76.70838394529548,65.87552921253176,10.171970338439431,31.441780206809845,9.762985499327057,2.818128309342365,4711,160,908,89,66,1563,446,1181,0.184,0.695,0.12,-0.9986,2,1,1,0,0,3,43.0,1,2,2,18,52,66,10,8,53,0,82,19,5,29,8,242,176,114,4,30,33,4,12,5,3,7,12,5,0,3,62,95,2,5,28,7,2,14,15,35,3,10,53,22,111,30,183,107,24,150,1,11,4,0,54,78,3,23,53,655,173,18,0.0735552180069878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044199539049619416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038090511381076005,0.0,0.0,0.0612038337674741,0.0,0.0,0.050020070560653065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647350569312637,0.051431518674489994,0.0,0.03026483855450184,0.032739869319014084,0.03438209980598677,0.0,0.0,0.02827971117736388,0.06141553463232612,0.04483857818220922,0.0,0.06259007292615172,0.0,0.0,0.09758041938868774,0.04015162371459517,0.0,0.0,0.041055974733460815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03168065364445645,0.0,0.0397435298478137,0.0412492157609871,0.08809178450402558,0.0,0.0,0.04743703054314585,0.07583219996642014,0.1583825037197546,0.03732849897595861,0.03816935170999538,0.0,0.0,0.03764344121580473,0.0,0.07527252584737451,0.043103083846755534,0.0,0.04265035032596634,0.03763267555072743,0.030722973122706974,0.0,0.032574045404408496,0.0,0.0,0.12145631944458166,0.03326745290151208,0.2169070525349932,0.0,0.03305334353842207,0.0359755586752901,0.03467065664511339,0.08277006982572938,0.1301710490897169,0.07882179366182937,0.1059368164278518,0.04028807298800157,0.0,0.09384904629156494,0.0,0.0,0.08524286845588717,0.0,0.1152886965869539,0.10584130130458556,0.10450781368508832,0.030847313530290136,0.11765765447446078,0.04054744376271745,0.16205873064660067,0.03641561508090964,0.0,0.0,0.03294551380852742,0.0,0.0,0.07818575714436729,0.0,0.0,0.17255879253421302,0.0,0.0,0.036528464107434815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041517443978990966,0.15890451517265736,0.03838626867685248,0.0,0.06537925742273015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599573199598656,0.0,0.0,0.039958979792127744,0.0,0.07793133864684545,0.08983841025160234,0.03686082604605891,0.0,0.03254702664422968,0.09265178665625334,0.0,0.040147104711048064,0.031267007995026685,0.0,0.17399931442244904,0.12274669796323195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118953906870202,0.0,0.14853960390285434,0.04307349116923995,0.058711073255464284,0.0,0.13517887151748004,0.027270131068699147,0.056730318662342974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594205781938017,0.0,0.0,0.0816743649235836,0.0,0.0,0.02549696335019101,0.03211278960334175,0.038424773693594885,0.0,0.034766728082076856,0.0,0.10566834946568672,0.0,0.0,0.07038240978351122,0.0,0.03697165509227912,0.04119933903513913,0.07823502844118016,0.0,0.0,0.3062888149378021,0.0,0.0,0.0394853884338072,0.0,0.03140787713954222,0.0,0.11698812329886325,0.0,0.26054632642060344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377516871336439,0.03042281821701507,0.0,0.0368041693528773,0.11247042259664744,0.031161548760808167,0.0,0.07274799141096533,0.0,0.1561882856759261,0.0,0.029370646057764505,0.030747727919239944,0.0,0.1153438266164135,0.0,0.08045747000467122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059120898011878975,0.032145251307788406,0.0,0.042058401095902,0.08540327737404545,0.07330022767918068,0.07069682050402262,0.0,0.08759194034995135,0.06433595870290316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484791183856835,0.12001043291856175,0.035926380000815036,0.07657357600936235,0.0,0.03176404588250476,0.0,0.06069075818136933,0.2820010266482895,0.08757706251054931,0.08850233865427652,0.0,0.03306748730742157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035452302667330286,0.0,0.053549074747505504,0.0,0.07495905114719813,0.07837727470479064,0.0,0.0,0.023683574396974168
suicidewatch,Jin77443443,2019/03/15,"1st Attempt today. Venting and looking for advice Hello.  Long time member here and on r/raisedbynarcissists.  This is a new account/burner account to be clear.  New to sharing so please bare with me.  Ive suffered from severe depression, anxiety and PTSD for awhile now.  Everything got much worse about 2 years ago.  Ill try to limit some details, but I have a very abusive set of parents, my siblings acknowledge this but dont stand up to anyone.  Parents stole money from my wife and I, lied to my job and got me fired since they knew the owner, lied about me to future potential employers that they heard from siblings that I was applying to.  My town isnt small, but isnt big either, and my parents are wealthy and very influential in certain parts, especially in my local businesses in my field of work. They are well off, but that didnt stop the stealing. 

 Anyways, I eventually got a great job, but my mental illness started to cause some issues.  It got to the point where it was recommended that I take a medical leave of absence to get help, which I did.  I was starting therapy and meds (meds didnt hel yet), the doctors were very helpful.  Then one day, after just about 3 weeks of leave I was terminated.  It kinda of hit me hard.  Very hard.  My wife and I were struggling financially and I couldnt afford to continue to see a doctor or afford my meds.  Im sure I could have looked into some action regarding my termination and also about my parents stealing money.  But I had no money for lawyers, and my parents have endless money to fight.  My depression got worse and worse, but I fought.  I wanted it to end, but I couldnt think about doing that to my wife and kids.  

Anyways, jump to today.  Its my 35th Birthday.  A friend that I hadnt seen in awhile, but chatted with once in awhile, reached out.  He knew my situation, especially about my mental illness, and recommended that I try to take some THC oil capsules or smoke some weed.  He has a medical MJ card and offered to give me a little to make it thru the day. (please dont judge that its his meds and the legality of this).  Im reluctant, but more so tired of how im feeling and say why not this once to see if it helps.  The antidepressants that I started didnt work before I lost my job, and my doctor was in the process of changing me to a new one. Anyways, I meet him and on the way get pulled over due to what the officer called and illegal lane change.  He sees the capsules, and asks what they are. I just say meds.  Anyways, it gets to the point where he searches my car and finds the weed and caps.  I explain my situation honestly and admit it was a dumb mistake to get that stuff, but Im at a loss as to what to do with my condition.  He claimed he could charge me with a felony and put me in his car, and I freak out and have a panic attack.  IN the end, he ends up ticketing me for the lane change, and possession of marijuana.  Im beating myself up over how stupid I was to do this, how it wont help me to find a job with a charge, how my wife will look at this (eventho shes pro MJ, but more concerned with disappointing her with the charge).  I get home, and make my first attempt at suicide by tying a rope around my neck.  But my wife comes home on her break and stops me.  Which makes me feel worse for many reasons.  

I wanted to enter an inpatient treatment program before I lost my job and my doctor was looking into it before I lost insurance.  Without insurance I cant afford it.  We cant afford much of anything right now.  I dont want to leave them, but I feel im just a burden and ruining their futures.  I hate saying that since I love them so much.  

 Im not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to lay things out and maybe see if anyone has any advice on getting help when youre broke, I really need it.  I want to be a better parent to my children than mine ever were, and a better husband for my wife, but I cant like this.  And I dont have anyone right now in my inner circle that can help me find my way.  Any advice on where to start would be very much appreciated.  Thanks for reading this long if you read until now. ",3.9075502176096393,4.879611594660197,5.001417810512223,84.50893203883498,71.40291262135923,7.818680950786742,27.313692668229,8.104835398774808,1.6144222296618682,3190,108,660,44,58,1051,334,824,0.173,0.7120000000000001,0.115,-0.9948,16,0,1,0,2,1,99.0,1,2,7,13,35,35,6,2,36,0,53,12,1,9,4,125,109,68,1,15,28,13,6,1,1,3,10,4,2,2,41,51,0,3,13,4,5,8,20,23,1,3,30,21,103,12,104,68,13,92,0,10,10,1,63,42,1,11,38,439,144,17,0.0,0.051573192842622725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760425947953338,0.038584669298233225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034809076544880316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059200641237754724,0.0,0.0332985623491814,0.0,0.0,0.0913067150216035,0.0,0.03581957860717256,0.038748870923236464,0.04069251268142002,0.049519029213435165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111657013317204,0.0,0.0,0.07699340598429742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044446636361788486,0.0,0.0,0.04471492605737325,0.1381395677196314,0.037495249198195975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695066343298168,0.0,0.0,0.05614351589456305,0.0,0.07498066816743912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820973328449216,0.0,0.0,0.20405650567473488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565783618659953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03937328600382938,0.0,0.0,0.039119879492245865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602672107696222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935055539258793,0.03702462936536245,0.0,0.0,0.03362938394509007,0.0,0.1364485233409776,0.04175572482831022,0.0,0.0,0.17406534300496893,0.04798942993081077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798451787496485,0.042974580553934695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505415134483882,0.0,0.08732364063453099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291216086786701,0.04543159765516204,0.2159725706384798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826861077469155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021265429796730368,0.04362617873227422,0.0,0.07704126867971092,0.18276147688965566,0.0,0.14254684066377085,0.0,0.03928543805461676,0.0,0.08716520965833828,0.04413024391612535,0.043729413337775684,0.0,0.24174724499782155,0.08769913307688677,0.08773134381215741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279914368121818,0.03227522927915536,0.0,0.12611793756852288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927111347323776,0.058990976089080674,0.0,0.0,0.05107036356397463,0.2899940796944411,0.047136244601994566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556066109624384,0.08229546952365323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508815382096562,0.04375734909110148,0.0,0.0,0.08707893486488809,0.0,0.027884951665064238,0.04475371301828181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434481582039737,0.0,0.10384489424244517,0.0,0.0,0.13874372785604022,0.0,0.0,0.04917389802680572,0.0,0.07201310699964049,0.09785389059997324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323648703678446,0.0,0.0,0.0727821927886242,0.0,0.045504590603806405,0.04982878910583361,0.0476122260850102,0.0,0.0410243310200482,0.0,0.06545480891036377,0.0,0.0,0.04007444718531875,0.04977770495731137,0.0,0.028917861922505974,0.02789078504153382,0.0,0.0,0.025381345042547836,0.05002867442939003,0.08251831775060997,0.0,0.0,0.059104886140259924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957450685649648,0.12836879138376134,0.06910050572675239,0.03491528594187634,0.0,0.039136619176634635,0.0,0.039276968321399305,0.0,0.0,0.041959138156671835,0.0,0.06337735087552014,0.0,0.17743373188995534,0.030920820842405192,0.0,0.0,0.02803040410354501
suicidewatch,izzieriver00,2019/03/15,"I told myself 5pm today if I didn’t get a sign that I should still be here. I didn’t.. but I’m too scared and too unmotivated to go through with it. So I’m just laying in bed in the dark like I have been while the world spins around me.

I just want everything to be over.",-0.3860752688172049,1.1566988870967734,1.952903225806452,99.46602150537636,84.32258064516128,5.423655913978496,15.172043010752688,6.42735559955562,-0.9017827956989248,209,3,57,2,6,71,46,62,0.121,0.7979999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,8,1,8,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565302856748996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35994395394303585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924493990655554,0.0,0.2276136187676497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566427562360936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009707892447508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319840153526504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796275697854554,0.3826953152961989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362255248905785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AverageEveryday,2019/03/15,"Making the choice to not kill my self is getting harder every day. Over the past six months I feel like I have slowly slipped from vague  “I want to but I could never actually do it” to a plan but “ I would never follow through with it” and now I’m stopped at a stop sign. On my left is a building with easy roof access that is calling for me to jump. To let all of my suffering fade away. And to my right is the mental health building where I have been seeing my therapist and working through antidepressants treatments to no avail. It used to be so easy to turn to the right and fight. But I’m so tired. I’ve started pausing longer and longer at this stop sign. Today I cried, shortly paralyzed by fear before turning left. I walked to the roof of the building and looked over the edge before walking down again and going to the mental health building.   I don’t know how long I can keep turning around from the ledge. It was easy today. But just like that stupid fucking stop sign, how long until I chose to just fall? It feels like the only thing stopping me is that it is not guaranteed that I would die. And the only thing more terrifying to me then being dead is being unfortunate enough to continue living. 

  I just wanted to vent. Sorry. ",3.1856598639455767,5.1105492530612295,3.7461224489795946,88.98435374149662,74.83673469387756,6.136054421768707,23.50340136054421,6.868970318607317,0.7057074829931973,977,29,196,9,21,307,133,245,0.223,0.695,0.081,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,4,1,14,0,21,4,0,4,3,44,41,18,3,5,9,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,13,11,0,6,3,0,0,6,6,6,0,1,2,4,21,3,35,32,3,41,0,1,2,1,3,14,1,0,24,136,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.10021996553493087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142439069628114,0.0,0.0,0.09648962649134213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477953944018804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486774326729943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199724974621216,0.0,0.11281065502634495,0.06623272639835001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658593928265164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611610893012242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865288169536424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556556820633378,0.10385597653659127,0.1467371863726537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494409740239564,0.053656286452704,0.0,0.05836653223054095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183296805005832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128409639950903,0.11362185777786815,0.0,0.05644099773696265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316676616779496,0.10501726823047118,0.0,0.15052146674767394,0.0,0.09068560167780727,0.18177177501415467,0.08624177308541636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855276031753489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699402232601924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197381680427533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584164789166837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621530130734734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803836007379747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754097429386303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183826057343647,0.0,0.1071380492465792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496376025483145,0.07269128409707941,0.0,0.0,0.42930719468067147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924211610785262,0.13645806153896972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803804776945945,0.19469436765208115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335122923059573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869945425133928,0.0,0.0,0.12114973424570866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476650996125192,0.0,0.0,0.14590965558434132,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,realdigitalclock,2019/03/15,Severely depressed I think? Feeling alone and suicidal almost took some pills no clue anymore So I am 16 and have been through a rough patch constantly bullied and pushed around. Keep thinking of suicide but then I would be missed and I would never see my crush again? What should I do almost jumped in front of a car nearly consumed a handful of pills and keep thinking my air soft gun is real as it looks 99% realistic and then I realise. I feel alone yet I have friends it seems that no one cares and I don’t know what to do as I haven’t told anyone and no one asks if they did I would probably shrug it off and keep feeling blue what should I do? ,2.4461363636363638,4.44977103787879,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,77.25757575757575,5.915151515151516,24.63636363636364,6.816661863887847,0.7407909090909097,515,18,110,5,12,160,83,132,0.207,0.7020000000000001,0.092,-0.9189,0,3,0,1,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,17,3,1,0,1,33,35,16,2,6,2,0,6,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,7,10,0,3,8,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,4,9,15,2,11,25,1,16,0,2,3,0,4,5,0,5,6,76,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845166976378495,0.298344516404799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283964723836265,0.10070954031959002,0.0,0.0,0.12821776506773752,0.13464916284498682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684878988902494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564590448838864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405333970582318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847858813770768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127767976998272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840630297046885,0.0,0.0,0.07915544782866077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094942406808774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108527342596644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951977162970847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552893410365988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393834847185662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477373584710135,0.13112004351870807,0.0,0.16271357472986314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150921858143241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768669671248935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376274050219523,0.1600232896922298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069456049695373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rubyDaCherryLovesYou,2019/03/15,Why Im worn out and have been feeling like this for years....im just wondrring why,0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,86.64705882352942,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.3250235294117654,64,2,15,1,2,20,16,17,0.121,0.659,0.22,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921500985965413,0.2390823837670832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7229841236896909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634988011230681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039602579097529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onlyalilbent,2019/03/15,my heart can’t take it I want to die so bad. I have borderline personality disorder and it’s just consuming me. people always tell me that I’m not my disorder but I am. I transform into something I don’t want to be. Everyone around me tells me they’re help me get everything done that I need to do and such and that I will feel better after but they don’t understand. I’m not running away from my responsibilities and such. I’m running away from myself. I’m the one that has to deal with my mind and I just can’t take it anymore. My heart ACTUALLY hurts. I ache. I hate being with myself. I just don’t want to make my boyfriend upset but I can’t cope anymore so I’m going to do it probably tonight ,-0.1629729729729732,2.131170000000001,2.6041081081081106,89.57264864864867,92.24324324324324,5.932972972972974,20.23783783783784,7.365786028017652,0.7920772972972974,552,19,121,11,20,192,74,148,0.17,0.752,0.078,-0.9376,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,1,1,1,0,15,2,2,1,0,25,32,10,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,4,0,1,1,1,26,1,15,28,0,9,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,83,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.14453351722016886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123238977563604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29376967245930696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184886540834814,0.0,0.0,0.27830752121329144,0.0,0.123665254751285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309908260690302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269440188609407,0.0,0.0,0.15371428845051466,0.0,0.3394926613393174,0.0,0.0,0.1515674517923787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152498440175634,0.13311127790489738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488861871508536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738110625551169,0.0,0.08417404801725017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622747843829798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35102096618691225,0.09927468289145903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855429429243406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988642483656724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954838435642967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982132536664636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036283743705324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268048587257328,0.12932351174165013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968710275731904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402193717933655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271983891991234,0.0,0.2589084807822777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418722382057398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620764800809769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,o-p-yum,2019/03/15,"Wish you could die, but you're tethered? Sometimes I wish I didn't have the people who love me and depend on me. I'd rather be alone so I could die in peace. But sometimes I feel like I'm in limbo, I can't die and I can't live. ",-1.4614465408805015,0.2642949622641524,0.9908490566037748,103.69180817610064,89.9433962264151,3.5333333333333337,14.4937106918239,3.1291,-1.5637270440251574,175,3,47,0,6,59,33,53,0.234,0.479,0.287,0.5499,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,11,12,5,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470396527598075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31561206789451146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6153829941173822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993688696684494,0.1411999395450301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656094468571463,0.0,0.17452701378629404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838525001404726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702440085573392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39095831921768537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545714351440253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HumanZucchini,2019/03/15,"Before next week/by Monday. I'm ready to go, I have nothing left. I can't stop thinking about suicide and NEED to go. After lurking on this subreddit for months and checking it near enough everyday, I wanted to finally post here as I have no one else to talk to and no one to say good bye to when I do carry out the act. Suicide is all I think about, all day, everyday.

I'm 24 and have no family nor friends, the one last real friend I had I lost last year and wants nothing to do with me (although nobody really understands why, possibly an ego/pride thing). I seem to always find a way to ruin things and/or push people away.

A series of events culminated in me becoming suicidal and I have been seriously considering suicide over the last two months. I have attempted in the past a few years back and have suffered from depression since I was 13. I have given it a lot of thought and thoroughly believe this is the best option for me.


I have bought the means to carry it out and intend to come back here to post on either Sunday 17th or Monday 18th on the day I'm doing it to at least say farewell to somebody, anybody who wants to listen or has time to.",4.711731044349072,5.233425008583693,5.711776824034338,81.77853791130187,69.30042918454936,8.960114449213163,28.408869814020033,9.029198982220553,2.1385681831187413,909,30,184,16,15,301,138,233,0.182,0.767,0.052000000000000005,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,12,0,18,0,0,1,2,34,38,15,4,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,9,13,0,1,7,0,2,5,5,5,0,4,7,3,17,4,38,31,8,44,0,4,0,0,8,12,0,5,25,127,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837745657496082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979030724195403,0.16334198645301998,0.0,0.0,0.11730355808991083,0.09037916600241257,0.11966531647178365,0.11146365270745147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149281734103616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699678104478266,0.0,0.09148082388371508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872706351439992,0.0,0.0,0.10974608876123848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012786008536803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163507970599766,0.09707646344176182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411930302507427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072622510266864,0.08908615503841924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597325256405784,0.0,0.0,0.11540038536720745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594368472703882,0.09029822059212048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156967436014841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955589242390295,0.0,0.0,0.07875535488426358,0.0,0.0,0.11295838795680685,0.0,0.0,0.20382785813034174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159173781546984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139201931867163,0.07363449746745726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197388356409585,0.20344477116103865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089328042199453,0.06804256122607913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892916914178704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669203293683626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786022477209729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879855465542634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647177226501053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536972727179466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112596744104003,0.1361135907012952,0.0,0.08432100222135985,0.06193346665260654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375435305181567,0.11057114353763424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794096799221924,0.08430667996380674,0.0851974036018365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958404215249848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367949645612418
suicidewatch,ayyypapito,2019/03/15,"I'm worthless My existence means nothing to anybody, and it'd make no difference to anybody if I stayed alive or died.

I'm staying alive just to feel bad, theres no point.",2.8396190476190446,4.6785602,3.794285714285717,88.63904761904762,75.57142857142857,6.9523809523809526,31.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.1593809523809533,137,7,28,2,3,44,27,35,0.338,0.54,0.122,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,6,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504745528111027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113365814654536,0.3134199861774117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168119227205384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024200369134226,0.0,0.0,0.3267710974616197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28784324787879656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283582345124774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6394871911277712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SunriseSatori,2019/03/15,"I literally just Googled ""How to hang yourself with a belt."" I feel like I can't even kill myself the right way. ",2.1360869565217366,3.8675645652173967,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,77.26086956521739,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,0.7373652173913037,87,3,20,1,2,28,21,23,0.0,0.7190000000000001,0.281,0.7382,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32924575516725263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204984660004115,0.35611898851789403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515016617889734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435354155434506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257049066815845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956755291871564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowMeAwayDaddyyy,2019/03/15,"I'm ready to end things. I'm not looking for reasons to stay, or reasons to not do it. If I decide I don't want to do things, it'll be of my own accord.

I'm tired of being here. My school situation is a mess. The girl I love told me today she'll never want more than a friendship. I feel isolated and alone. I want to end my life, and end my pain. I want to finally be happy, or rather, devoid of feeling at all.

I'm a coward and I'm scared of pain, so I've been researching painless suicide methods. If firearms were available, that'd be the obvious choice, but they aren't. From what I've seen, nitrous oxide plus suffocation is supposed to be a painless and calm way to end things. Can anyone confirm or deny that? 

Also, if anyone else has other suggestions, please tell me. I want to end things painfully and peacefully.",1.4330142707970808,3.5594361301775166,3.2988931430560378,89.1174869474417,81.18934911242604,5.869961712495649,23.550643926209545,7.048011613610866,0.8948570135746609,642,23,133,8,17,215,98,169,0.17800000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.141,-0.0996,0,1,1,1,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,1,6,0,18,6,0,2,3,29,34,15,1,9,10,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,4,15,3,18,22,3,11,0,0,2,1,7,1,0,6,8,86,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161250197517842,0.0,0.09390134464864328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420666038879406,0.12031145155356444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808998341316076,0.0,0.5199997345075386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874293541176137,0.0,0.0,0.12862871035812984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499658950470607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293776001325738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860387079090566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597682629366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905621339833768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374831923412136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889274096198874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145620898720715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755867161196724,0.11883608462205066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319858614259932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251549138942324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843926052830715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263092556177156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31203655924465995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495789794515142,0.11130115711251096,0.11220057446848808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34628905211877165,0.09320313906169493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrguy0,2019/03/15,"It’s time The inevitable is here. I will kill myself today or tomorrow. I feel at peace with my choice. I’ve gone over it a million times in my head. Is a shitty life better than death? Well, what do i know, nobody knows what comes after death. I’m a very introverted person with social anxiety, and just going to college makes me want to off myself. Comparing myself to others at the school makes me feel like a completly useless piece of crap. I’m way over my head in student debt, and can’t cope any longer. They say things can get better, but logically it makes no sense. I will never be who i want to be, and keep being a pussy for the rest of my life. Sorry to my family, but this is it. ",2.331596244131457,3.9760444366197234,3.899647887323948,88.1805046948357,76.46478873239437,6.705164319248826,19.579812206572765,7.492282038375204,0.4369136150234745,538,11,114,7,12,179,93,142,0.147,0.768,0.084,-0.8422,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,2,3,7,2,0,8,0,11,5,3,3,1,22,27,6,3,2,4,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,5,0,1,3,3,3,1,1,1,3,16,4,19,21,2,17,0,1,0,0,5,7,1,1,7,78,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622905198954113,0.0,0.13075062207237564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023234343378593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472293940505029,0.17920265373520686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611248248372643,0.0,0.17284099262670374,0.12210275129887832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929679466140915,0.0,0.0971357614970851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508191893302281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191840045107052,0.18909373670467305,0.0,0.18786243024273336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414466968871459,0.08350114774931966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34226418745603754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182130859238456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923765802409827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591962698827606,0.0,0.172976579656896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422780427602189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132698089399366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354929968811915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993255215373177,0.0,0.16200881685397225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102397715320109,0.20162190970407987,0.13566552835742382,0.0,0.0,0.1536744214207927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Runnin99,2019/03/15,"Shame basically  

I'm 26 and I have no fucking reason to be depressed. I originally wrote a detailed description of my life but It was long so fuck it. I am currently working on a business where I have to invest myself 100%. Anyway, I always had a dark cloud above my head.

Drank a lot through my teen years, all the way to the graduation from college. Had a depressive episode after I left the army that carried through to college and led to insomnia and a lot of drinking, getting in the wrong crowd etc. Shrinks tried to help, for free actually, but I failed to show up after my third session. I remember going to a hooker instead.  Most of my relationships failed because of me getting bored. 

In college I tried to jump off a building. Never tried again but in the back of my mind I know that's how It'll go.

I have recently quit my job due to stress. My coworker (quit too) suggested I see a psychiatrist. I know a place where I can go on the low, without any trace on my medical files, but I am so ashamed of myself and can't bring myself to go. My family also suggested I get help. I bounce between idolizing death and building up a future for myself. I am so ashamed my fucking skin crawls.",3.170296610169487,5.036801029661021,4.662000000000003,82.65545762711865,74.72033898305084,7.770847457627119,30.020338983050852,8.548686976883017,2.401349830508475,937,43,183,18,20,313,133,236,0.214,0.74,0.046,-0.9924,2,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,5,12,15,3,4,17,0,13,10,2,4,2,24,30,14,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,4,2,2,7,4,14,0,1,5,2,34,2,35,23,5,34,0,5,1,3,7,14,3,3,12,132,39,9,0.0,0.0,0.1281455228998671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501339828907896,0.1092654736788573,0.0,0.0,0.08929941748459826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097393732018382,0.0,0.08004904566565296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262046440702445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286397371280254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645210834337707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379308575596375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641987185770478,0.20582164983733608,0.0,0.29851975113392865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476815268366554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603676150031838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031091790517885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443357344893999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426752732941068,0.0,0.09275241007533412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621057258050632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232804207708184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228710591526144,0.0,0.0,0.1325917771930535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127903366549593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371973237684589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793415678299336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501477076085205,0.12965875796438442,0.1409842947748949,0.1487554868911457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464189084901812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042209238828091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674649358081292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423256877418524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658398683550082,0.0,0.09559964886481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435734870843283,0.0,0.08456323127487113
suicidewatch,DaNk_cOmMuNiSt,2019/03/15,I really feel like stabbing myself in the throat after all this time I've been suicidal for a long time and always thought of just a simple and quick death but i really start to care less about the way i die with time,8.032,5.619629644444448,7.869444444444448,78.71750000000002,63.66666666666667,11.666666666666668,29.16666666666667,10.125756701596842,2.353,174,3,37,3,2,56,36,45,0.206,0.665,0.129,-0.6079,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,5,3,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,7,3,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376752816897334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912289183264702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964491229112774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442811763248153,0.20406120399842506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954922852858825,0.0,0.0,0.25278232586604843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36597647257663135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021773937435397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124436929891477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22676617694155704,0.4996767740264592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672765980460505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TimeGeek,2019/03/15,"Leaving Friday 22nd March Gonna leave next week sometime at night, finally settled on a date, I've realised the only escape I have from this life is sleep, and it got me thinking, if sleep is the cousin of death then I might as well sleep for good now. One more week.",1.3866666666666667,3.777807666666668,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,83.44444444444446,4.340740740740742,20.11111111111111,5.46131890053228,-0.2957555555555551,210,6,45,1,6,64,47,54,0.091,0.789,0.12,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,4,4,3,0,0,4,7,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,6,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,9,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169939116989702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614543044378696,0.1584277479177437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41948968195091607,0.0,0.0,0.13991424560441978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013831175592754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066707819218694,0.1858906187315685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422843582647764,0.15065359366198128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5946882103612136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591246309062404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692573333400314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31778583974166635,0.0,0.1781034159422421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mattum01,2019/03/15,"What am I doing Shit hit the fan, I’m not a bad person, not a saint, but not bad. I’ve got 2 awesome little boys, and I miss them so much.
I’ve been struggling with drug addiction for about 9 months, and in that short time I’ve managed to loose my kids, they are in a shelter with my ex, I’ve never hurt them. 

One night after my car broke down I got stuck binging on my DOC, my ex called the cops and filed a missing persons report, they found me drugged out in my shitty car and took me home CAS was called, and 2 days latter I come home and their gone, just like that.
My ex had cleaned out our joint account and took the phone, I got stuck in the middle of nowhere without enough gas to get into town and lost my job, no call no show no job. So here I am a week and a half latter sitting alone in this house no money no job no kids no fucking hope

Obviously there is a lot left out but yea this is the just of it, my pantry is dwindling I have no access to my boys, I just want to hold them. I feel like I can’t move forward until I do, but I’m not aloud, all I’ve been doing is sitting here watching re runs the the next generation and contemplating ending it all, I see no other option, I feel fucking betrayed by everyone how was involved in this, I don’t understand the no contact, even prisoners are allowed to see there kids.

I tried, I really fucking tried, but this bitter taste of defeat is getting to me, I am loosing all reason or purpose, I feel it being sucked out of me, I feel like I’m just waiting to die, I’ve got a whole house and don’t leave my bed, I truly feel I am waiting to die.",1.9355253212396053,3.1096299037900863,3.503803045027535,92.56872907893316,76.49271137026237,6.014426087895478,23.19933052586114,6.238725200709706,0.33506509016304964,1239,36,286,8,27,411,172,343,0.241,0.6659999999999999,0.093,-0.9953,4,1,2,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,6,2,13,19,6,1,16,1,24,8,1,3,5,55,60,20,2,2,14,3,5,3,0,0,3,0,4,7,11,19,1,3,8,1,2,9,19,15,0,2,16,10,43,4,33,42,7,39,1,6,3,3,23,19,5,4,14,179,54,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356653856261973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839373986751128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864591782402376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910239350189568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818360762432304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126862930052935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719479350076088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203450320342121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841438466889738,0.09816277985827004,0.0,0.06274812843091808,0.0,0.0,0.09077877650680204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24018010706650456,0.13573933560272064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416512712515286,0.0,0.26348430863472555,0.0992695696849838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039280972618591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905901218319616,0.09435872779939382,0.0,0.21923981630360773,0.10170193557419653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828253947126849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059372689760766,0.10322028559036617,0.0,0.0,0.13923998677736651,0.0952172705950962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370624163725814,0.0807675649276396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758299358526145,0.1009724185622099,0.06983762746899061,0.0,0.07327163661862493,0.0,0.10103603231157156,0.08915323040388258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437602256449143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590470183191705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086091116340109,0.09767819521274117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514090789353016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751850391887544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099317039510415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539660976990169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110211950210175,0.129000662002654,0.0,0.0,0.09890075304073624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056034822669951884,0.0,0.07620512100853187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060666841286744,0.0,0.09157883472487613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scrumpusrumpus,2019/03/15,"I'm not mentally ill, I'm just a piece of shit I have zero excuses for being the way I am. I fucking hate myself",-1.3362820512820512,0.4601651153846191,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,90.15384615384615,6.543589743589743,20.2051282051282,7.793537801064563,1.0436820512820508,87,3,20,2,3,34,21,26,0.282,0.631,0.087,-0.74,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344215580931051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639359933033797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47355585104840503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823529033079178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729903974498657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,testawaythrowaccount,2019/03/15,"i think my online friend is planning to kill himself and i don’t know what to do i don’t know if this is the right place but ever since my online friend went to college he’s been having a really rough fit of depression, made worse by failed attempts to get in contact after an idol gave away a prized possession he gave to them. 

he recently quit twitter and has been talking to me about killing himself, saying he’s worthless, that no one cares about what he says, etc. etc. 

i’m just... i’m trying to help him but i can’t do everything. he knows he has a problem but i don’t know if he can get a psychologist due to his parents and i’ve asked him to talk to them but i can’t force him to, especially with the distance there is. 

i am... this doesn’t go into a lot of it and i know that i can’t help without more info, i just don’t want to cross a boundary and give info that he wouldn’t be alright with being public, but it’s just been a really tough life for him and i don’t know what to do.

he’s threatened suicide in the past but hasn’t attempted before, i don’t know if he’s going to try or not but he has idealizations and i’m just scared and alone-feeling. 

for more context, he’s 18 and i’m 16, so i don’t really have the ability to go out and help him irl either. i don’t know what to do really at this point, i’m just scared and curious if there’s anything i’d be able to reach out to or point out to help him.  sorry this post is a mess. ",1.3925544267053738,2.6369401761006337,3.466163522012579,91.99624092888249,78.05660377358491,6.653313981615868,21.979196903725203,7.321109707123232,0.5303934204160621,1128,31,268,14,26,385,142,318,0.16899999999999998,0.693,0.138,-0.9357,1,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,2,7,11,16,2,2,13,1,35,1,0,1,1,56,62,25,3,8,21,1,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,13,17,0,0,11,0,0,5,17,10,0,1,7,3,28,6,38,51,6,24,0,3,0,0,41,13,0,7,5,169,41,2,0.10551189273833354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682729752774884,0.0,0.09863937665179154,0.0,0.0991318964667822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978284940221658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757640664575904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087723860743573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23534730242496954,0.0,0.09544154765168238,0.0,0.0,0.0948272857470958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334998324615612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303645319214005,0.0,0.11025121822600756,0.10121662186245034,0.17989452049715188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828895904290423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334665528549795,0.0,0.4638926149968679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452617019846274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970243806514072,0.0,0.09983790407984866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149758918874165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171584703952612,0.0,0.1007230405382578,0.0,0.0,0.11023747084994473,0.0,0.1994856861907695,0.0,0.10105122706228756,0.0,0.0,0.10096063165821602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122248856428115,0.0,0.0,0.27037448109840223,0.0,0.10418026502951967,0.0,0.0,0.09010657989134946,0.0,0.16781458408560415,0.2112716226591653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872805280029641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811192553467413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541288538257173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696129253272207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760776048322419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327129837357844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062233648055946125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781058164685437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170969939908073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075256328335409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whyme1133,2019/03/15,kissless virgin at 19...should I just do it? I'm apparently already a freakshow. I don't wanna be this way going into my 20s. ,-0.6080769230769221,1.5836739615384623,3.2834615384615375,83.09903846153847,97.84615384615385,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.6875692307692312,97,4,18,1,4,36,23,26,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7489829670835263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857314804639147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5387353153431412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hentaiprincesss,2019/03/15,"Should I got to the hospital? I'm diagnosed Bipolar 2. For the last 2 days I've been seriously considering killing myself. I'm on seroquel but its not helping. Last night I nearly killed myself. I sped up to about 90 mph and tried to drive into a group of trees. I swerved out if the way at the last second. Today I was driving on the highway and all I wanted to do was swerve into an 18 wheeler. I even took my seatbelt off. 
I'm tired of suffering, I'm tired of being damaged. I cant change my life, I want off this ride.",0.9541818181818194,2.942463509090913,3.2209090909090925,89.78136363636364,82.0909090909091,5.8181818181818175,23.63636363636364,6.980632752743323,0.829181818181818,406,15,88,5,11,139,74,110,0.249,0.738,0.013,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,7,0,7,5,0,0,1,12,15,4,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,0,1,5,0,13,0,19,8,1,22,0,2,0,0,2,10,0,1,7,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649236489806888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588580768860805,0.0,0.0,0.19812067448521614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892566585305318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611673722697592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083632116825872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43191274511095495,0.0,0.0,0.4773344092308001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787329430875153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317900278771795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487000849723461,0.18502377191070613,0.0,0.21687086133384034,0.13252583511305124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23026429646056634,0.15493815869030567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rockcliffdesigns,2019/03/15,"Suicidal teen girl. Help! Recently I was followed by a random girl on instagram. She was an instagram follower of one of my friend but she doesn't know this girl IRL either. My friend told me that she didn't quite understand that girl too. I decided to talk to her and we started having daily conversations as much as possible. Here I am sharing some backstory of her without exposing her identity.

​

She is 12-14 years old and was raped by her elder (then 18 year old) cousin when she was 6. She told this to her mother and got a reply ""don't worry about it"". After that she developed a hatred for her parents and everyone around her. She always talks about dying and committing suicide. She cuts herself and always talks about death. She once showed me a picture of her arm with marks on it. Day before yesterday, her father got arrested and she doesn't know why and no one is telling her the reason. Since that day she has stopped eating, today is the third day of her hunger strike. She hasn't complaint of how she feels light headed and that she once fainted as one might expect for not eating for days but then again I can't be sure she's telling me everything anyway.

​

I have gained much of her trust and she considers me her elder brother and therefore she talk to me freely but she still wouldn't eat. I don't know if her hunger strike and backstory is true or not but that picture of her arm was real. i don't know how to handle the situation and I won't lie, I have developed a liking for this little child and I too think of her as my little sister and therefore feel worse for her situation and wish for her health. She's a US citizen while I'm not, I'm from India. I don't know the exact situation of her family but as much as I know from her, she's in an abusive family where loud arguments and fights are a regular phenomenon.

​

I've had an experienced with a suicidal girl before, she was 17 (she's fine now and enrolled in a medical college). I helped her by talking to her as much as possible and being with her, making her laugh and feel good about herself and she ultimately started to love life. I know there's no any correct way for one to be suicidal but then again her behavior felt a bit different to me and my friend, but then again, she's too young anyway.

​

I'm talking to her and trying to convince and request her to eat some food without being pushy but she says she still hasn't eaten. She wants not to eat for 32 days, I'm pretty sure someone told her something about this but she won't tell me about that. She texts me as much as she can and always want's to talks to me, so there's some reasonable rapport but I don't know how to help her further. I cannot physically be there with her and that's my weakest point. I talked to some people here in India about the situation and all the advices are in the likes of ""Someone should be with her"" and ""Call the authorities there"".

​

Therefore, here I am, begging you all to help my little sister. I am genuinely very worried for her. I can't be with her, I can't even talk to her all the time, there's almost a 12 hour time difference and I have stayed up at nights just to talk to her and give her company. Trying to get anything done from here is nearly impossible as everything is too costly for me (USD to INR conversion) and I can't even afford a long enough ISD call.

​

Any and all help is welcomed. Please, I need help. I will be sharing her information if one can convince that they can actually help. If someone could get a child care services agent sent there to inspect the family situation and give her actual professional help, I will be thankful with all I have.

​

Please. Help my sister.",3.740511219378301,5.426277851551959,4.6592826917358625,84.02736910725316,72.778677462888,7.9387085706443425,26.45945698666484,8.594422698925456,1.8474827466319,2972,103,587,54,59,964,280,741,0.113,0.733,0.154,0.9839,6,0,1,0,1,1,97.0,2,1,1,2,39,23,3,0,26,0,61,18,3,9,11,117,102,68,6,11,22,8,4,2,3,7,4,2,0,8,15,42,9,1,18,1,1,3,26,3,0,6,17,8,119,20,89,68,17,55,0,0,0,2,134,16,0,11,36,421,134,4,0.0,0.04808750782691218,0.0792117254536171,0.0,0.0,0.039659950504351615,0.0,0.0,0.04064079197807786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131185046596014,0.3078226987495121,0.34521312051919795,0.055199438738762735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033398635447785686,0.03612994525064942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907101204410411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430915567798257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288522994686598,0.0,0.04137990344794748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032404439575389805,0.0,0.0,0.13087233944622656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212162773459853,0.08480699518320396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153333984391162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076469050677597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193595578442533,0.0,0.053613044439729814,0.0,0.0,0.038781448154279786,0.0729517568172174,0.0,0.11478197248006605,0.0,0.06156416330985302,0.0,0.03896870958027435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907648134003116,0.0,0.09406940938920824,0.0,0.0424087856014164,0.07786714895186027,0.0,0.03404142326040786,0.06492030516464667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041652715087874284,0.04314078192373842,0.0,0.0,0.2448341107738653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996881389663981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843904827567525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028666933794439624,0.03965632009301519,0.12203282920537255,0.0,0.03591713452700054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03663024733992766,0.0,0.02709132057857046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088589939658408,0.0,0.04305509453136196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917607579254086,0.030093838582242818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808700134260637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851758891258656,0.08644505355116572,0.13750986064878834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506570115349957,0.0,0.0,0.028137066795352644,0.0,0.0,0.08910198855504559,0.03836667672403155,0.09150872844393006,0.0,0.041290324957804166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043167968490045866,0.0,0.04619549835111302,0.0,0.08345787438901428,0.04007355741392998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03227543800327115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033572973240698155,0.22810056304246865,0.0,0.0,0.10316458868694213,0.031244913142814044,0.0,0.0,0.05745364217633692,0.04325903701861795,0.06482370614881787,0.03393152597768088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775770060625323,0.0,0.07650322697841645,0.0,0.0,0.32621309320527536,0.1064212711268454,0.037365929593766715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02600572642605613,0.0,0.0,0.0473317846391846,0.0,0.03847056999946533,0.11634434446283938,0.0,0.05511015545521079,0.0,0.0,0.04225122406426294,0.04881969123383115,0.0,0.0,0.03348751561814891,0.04787708435453897,0.03221509981085178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036622350051822405,0.0,0.04667163933587647,0.07824647935513923,0.0,0.0,0.08243365104910269,0.04136037299965701,0.0,0.0,0.34521312051919795,0.05227181806772874
suicidewatch,Grownuppieceofjizz,2019/03/15,"I don’t know if I can hang on any longer I feel so done in. Week in week out I’m tired of putting on a brave face for everybody. Making everybody laugh,  trying to make them feel better. I feel like crap today. Today is one of those days. I have two children who are currently with their father for the weekend. I’d like to think I could be strong enough to never hurt them in this way and every time I’ve been strong enough. They are the reason I live and breathe and when I don’t have them, I sometimes go to this dark place. Friends are amazing, I have some wonderful people around me, I truly do, but they couldn’t possibly comprehend the pain I live in day in and out. If it wasn’t for my children I would no longer be here. I really do scare myself sometimes. I wonder what irreversible damage I’m capable of doing to myself. I didn’t deserve this. ",2.0713214285714265,4.005502800000002,3.2401964285714304,91.31286607142859,78.14285714285714,6.432142857142857,21.223214285714285,7.413659706084162,0.6108928571428569,670,18,143,9,16,216,104,175,0.12,0.722,0.158,0.2193,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,6,3,4,14,1,1,4,0,22,5,3,3,1,26,34,9,0,5,3,1,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,8,1,0,3,7,5,0,2,4,3,26,9,22,25,3,26,0,2,0,0,11,11,1,5,13,98,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096835096746762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676385208768412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593890473938615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369271546973013,0.0,0.0,0.183669050864476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457219520305389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942691033342766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997592841578535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160011712603402,0.10172871182100557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001585725324856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092770870218444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524393330750699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782578722627536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913632749062846,0.0,0.2514789786405611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901027046045807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982563268241216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964921453102271,0.0,0.15152084477845745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872040903143246,0.0,0.14877494719164255,0.0,0.0,0.1605316426128531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431486904204808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122340352432604,0.14640821583325492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256461193215822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816692862466632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124248695190323,0.0,0.0,0.08303305340519261,0.16366483292051515,0.2699521192910452,0.0,0.0,0.09667846915057322,0.0,0.13910154240671824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302840674355558,0.2284451669058094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088477538023987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101155008295892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DraxHL,2019/03/15,"Let me serve as a warning to you all. I was diagnosed with severe depression months ago and I’ve been living with it ever since, my mom is telling me I have to get out the house and go live with my dad who lives miles away from me so I won’t be able to live there without destroying my livelihood. I’ve decided I’m gonna hang myself or OD by July because that’s when Ill have to go live with my father. I just want to act as a warning to anyone on this site, try get help and don’t end up like me. I just want to go.",2.1019827586206894,2.484730577586209,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,75.1206896551724,7.179310344827586,23.12068965517241,7.1686216300943375,0.5157793103448269,401,10,100,4,8,136,79,116,0.132,0.7759999999999999,0.091,-0.6973,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,2,17,18,8,1,2,4,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,15,1,20,12,1,16,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,6,62,19,0,0.1562203155188272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847988391297067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923287691402102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677412888825994,0.0,0.0,0.0952304543557314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455232884449514,0.15856033183980173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836483090344087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131021916863098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632373342056872,0.0,0.2663508162238001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471118450934816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802572695676702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974585686820128,0.0,0.07632135516956451,0.0,0.6897270034599107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296334545067425,0.12469356541838095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648449019134452,0.0,0.12922705933337078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654344145258673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106063339666453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842855792436257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059080942518985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throway99923,2019/03/15,"I’m totally done and don’t know what to do I was a very healthy and a good student back in school. I was struck by a health condition which disrupted my life. My brain wasn’t receiving blood in the right quantity resulting in severe headache and memory loss. I used to read the previous night and forget the next morning. Someone with all straight A’s went to failing in subjects and never thought I’d graduate high school. With great difficulty I did and I went on to study computer for my  degree. As usual I graduated with decent grades but I don’t remember anything what I studied those years in college.  Tried to study something else(psychology) but failed miserably. Struck with depression I couldn’t work or didn’t know what I’d do as I was dealing with headache everyday. Recently due to patellar tendinitis my whole leg starting from my lower back hurts so much that I can’t lie down or sit for long duration. With all those health conditions I’ve never had friends and I have none to talk and I’m going mental

I always has a dream of studying abroad and applied to few colleges and I got one but now my parents don’t have sufficient funds to send me and I thought my uncle would help me go but he dropped the ball that he can’t do shit and I’m freaking out as my deadlines are nearing. 

I think I’m about have anxiety attack anytime. 
I just want to kill myself. This is just too hard. I’m 26  I want to end my life. 

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suicidewatch,randomreddituser748,2019/03/15,I think I might have an eating disorder and my mom just found out I think she is disappointed in me. there were many bad things going on but this is too much. i feel so disgusted at myself for not being better. she wants me to see a doctor. it may be a stupid reason as i know that a lot of people have it much worse but it just made me feel even more hopeless. what should i even live for at this point?,0.4899870801033615,2.5027755697674436,2.1320155038759734,96.79657622739019,84.0,5.217571059431527,14.206718346253233,6.42735559955562,-0.8127762273901808,313,4,74,3,9,102,63,86,0.292,0.708,0.0,-0.9826,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,0,20,20,5,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,2,1,0,7,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,3,13,1,10,12,4,7,0,2,1,0,3,6,0,3,0,60,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006969893771542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014413505205776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334423473337872,0.20848173846822773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842211467989727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690659919277253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059800040739185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333170689754697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575971790503095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194075999756777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985888945408188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316695745569305,0.0,0.1927330679206952,0.0,0.20650611616085865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607916205254896,0.0,0.2385551381813813,0.0,0.0,0.2994659917149657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121055549716094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254955650442346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942362060695535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231174948684493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532024351922067,0.2610281378254488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013956050325655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757391981654646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesnoid,2019/03/15,"everything fucking sucks i have no one. they left me. 

all I see is failure and im finding it hard to control my urges. progressively im feeling like a shell of a human, and with that i don’t see the point of going on with my existence. fuck ",-0.8801470588235283,1.2327989019607877,1.935465686274508,92.54084558823529,99.19607843137257,4.9029411764705895,22.061274509803926,6.6274283507984215,0.7348215686274511,188,8,41,3,8,65,40,51,0.252,0.6729999999999999,0.075,-0.8576,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,1,8,10,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,4,7,1,6,10,1,4,0,0,2,2,2,3,3,0,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26297379603698584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072311464971774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185531627059628,0.16750271011050832,0.0,0.0,0.2142978718572388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335204733586506,0.0,0.0,0.1332525526765848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100356738615014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065274913892148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547482275199885,0.0,0.0,0.11454834880102738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588803746210678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221646358381836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736784321860284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheAlmightyPeach,2019/03/15,"Requesting something... My life, my state of mind, at times, is unbearable. I haven't felt like doing the things I used to love to do for six months now, and every day is a coin flip on whether or not I don't immediately get an existentially crushing force keeping me in bed. I only sleep every other day, and have had terrible trouble going outside for the vast majority of this past half year. I can't get a job like this. I can't complete a college class like this. I feel like I went insane three months ago. I'm living as a tumor in my living space. I'm paranoid and my self image issues have been crushing me for over half a decade now. That's kept me from going outside to grocery stores, to school, to parties, to friends' houses. I gained sixty pounds since the year started. 

​

I need to be able to go outside and get meds. some medications have failed me in the past. What can I do? 

​

I hate doing anything remotely like opening up but if I keep myself locked up, I'm going to almost literally rot away in a pile of bed sores or give myself the Hemingway shave some years down the line. Something's just not working right with my brain, I feel like depersonalizing even as I type. I hope I don't delete this in some attempt to keep my emotional baggage hidden away. I get intrusive thoughts, and I find myself at times convinced that I will die. Not thinking about MEMENTO MORI. I get the feeling that I will die, and I will die soon. Maybe within the next few days. Maybe someone will kill me. Christ, the worst of it all is not feeling like getting up and getting shit done. ",3.780000000000001,5.475278681528664,4.490565605095544,85.23819235668792,72.69426751592357,6.80743949044586,27.209681528662426,7.404127859558343,1.4051593885350324,1262,46,248,14,25,404,171,314,0.193,0.743,0.064,-0.9913,1,0,2,0,0,1,46.0,0,0,0,4,6,18,3,0,16,0,24,7,3,1,1,40,57,14,4,3,10,0,5,7,1,4,3,0,2,1,11,9,0,4,8,0,2,5,9,7,0,4,7,5,37,11,38,45,7,44,1,1,0,1,5,20,1,8,25,157,48,7,0.08486632743584571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522887873069059,0.0,0.08498136801140006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390526063992346,0.20624375383397567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983775639997028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594694165092876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473888839801098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898072966703613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419528114006982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642335476398172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684771792640965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546319566993784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056053408877979605,0.0,0.14300708223877767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164386039755833,0.18188556383178656,0.08148498315576602,0.0,0.0775662857932083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556751405690697,0.0,0.3103740734971632,0.08141151438000976,0.1929259585082974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837879284128601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842914120756353,0.0,0.09792434748973326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857839687894409,0.0842167348909307,0.22629927359155205,0.09389201731526914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994359686341266,0.2902298057496239,0.0,0.1498770438980942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659517391349388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705192654380171,0.0,0.09426735803721097,0.08549389650114103,0.0,0.0,0.08569079803973173,0.0,0.13547898577460013,0.0,0.0,0.06292730645634928,0.0,0.0,0.09025630201551524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454466623813833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202902472525116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247537992847715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588925416205996,0.0,0.0,0.08853408817386361,0.0,0.0871140655510003,0.07020230303936106,0.0,0.0849276168825677,0.0,0.07190696383475016,0.1306684901074751,0.0,0.0,0.06006882336368171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056381416953563725,0.05437891586877957,0.0,0.06737438432329698,0.0989724760095366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329725861993318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867193577238038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178369712637718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624375383397567,0.16395339725052893
suicidewatch,shneebnee,2019/03/15,"I'm so mentally tired. I've lost everything I have lost everything. My friends, my university, my job, all my money. Everything I was holding onto. And it's all my fault. I have done this to myself because I am a worthless waste. My social anxiety has absolutely ruined my life. I have distanced myself from my friends. I quit university because I became nauseated just being around people because of my anxiety. So I attempted to start working and earning for myself. I have been fired from 5 different jobs. I'm absolutely incompentent even for a minimum wage job. I tried starting an e-commerce with a friend who's experienced in this. That also failed and I lost all my money. I have 0 with me. My mom works tiressly trying to sustain the house. My dad is unable to work because of his sickness. I try applying for jobs, go to interviews and just end up being ignored. Everyone thinks I'm useless. I tried therapy for 6 months until I ran out of money and that hasn't done a slight bit of help either. I don't have any money for more therapy. I have a loan to pay for my university and I don't know where I will get the money from if I never find a job and my social anxiety gets in the way. All my friends are ahead of me and I don't even talk to them any longer. Everyone had so much hope for me, all my relatives and friend; they all just think of me in disappointment. This is not what I wanted. I want to earn enough money to at least make my mom and dad happy before they die and not disappoint them anymore. I'm ugly and never had a girlfriend either. I'm begging to God every night crying to please help me recover from this stage. It's been 2 years of just failures and rejection from everywhere. I need help and guidance. I can't kill myself because my mom and dad will be traumatized for life. They always cared for me in every way and still do, but the problem here is me. ",2.7389862327909853,4.792948042553191,4.539962453066334,82.21029411764708,76.55319148936171,7.721401752190237,26.218397997496872,8.583994105835817,2.0308969962453065,1488,57,288,31,34,504,177,376,0.132,0.787,0.081,-0.9064,8,0,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,0,5,12,14,22,1,0,12,0,31,4,0,1,8,50,54,23,2,6,10,6,1,0,6,2,4,0,0,0,10,20,0,2,4,0,9,2,9,14,0,0,11,2,60,8,45,38,13,26,0,10,0,0,26,10,0,2,11,205,70,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215080961420344,0.06466734495465473,0.0,0.0,0.10570139020673368,0.0,0.17836146325131755,0.0,0.07707506635365168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918522232011408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368799161831367,0.0,0.06613203107553457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084847590139724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923836584224116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536923449677251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065869347673317,0.08119844598913897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906436231016588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883480661484076,0.08030315030991614,0.0,0.10266360419558596,0.0,0.13096101362976256,0.14852516901622476,0.2095429488902158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103256182804585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002224773644063,0.0,0.08120857199769238,0.0,0.04416875494241973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273192749049703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627759067927954,0.0,0.0,0.07719120335087791,0.0,0.08967578112583258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856140826469723,0.0,0.08598311053448401,0.0,0.04271161061792732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097886074304886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545141220215234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051877162397310564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832115338419658,0.0,0.0,0.2730660620795426,0.06203351968593197,0.0,0.05713144538110595,0.05762668330477674,0.11988134927177865,0.0,0.0,0.0729327884975785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387966154300725,0.0,0.0,0.08531068680811639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436533452303093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266233110435785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844679801999406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001796375538947,0.0,0.06206544862449105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246653633313602,0.0,0.0,0.1777539062172491,0.0,0.0,0.09959671690066677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932505335793818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110608433427545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167981579070053,0.12337737170738634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697382145302714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004764509056882
suicidewatch,MrP4557,2019/03/15,"Got cheated on... I have a serious problem with Anxiety and depression, but for the last 6 yrs ive had a girlfriend to support me and she was the only thing I actually liked about my life. Ive got a shit job, no idea what im going to do with my life and she was the only constant thing that i could rely on to make me feel better. She was always there even though i suck ata expressing myself and what im feeling. About a month ago i found out that she's been cheating on me for about two months. Since then iv'e tried to talk to my friends and they are supportive but I dont feel like i can be completely honest about exaclty how im feeling (as I said Im bad att expressing myself) , wich is why i write here i guess, just have to get it of my chest. This last week has been the hardest in my life and im really scared that this will be the death of me. I really dont see any point in going forward. This might sound like a small issue in comparison to the other posts in this subreddit but i just had to get it out of me. 

Peace, One Swedish Lad",1.5805404135338357,3.056519187500001,3.4418233082706777,91.3847556390978,78.10714285714286,7.037218045112783,22.057330827067666,7.85451343220497,0.7918696428571423,814,23,189,13,19,274,123,224,0.181,0.6940000000000001,0.125,-0.9158,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,11,17,4,1,11,0,23,5,2,2,0,28,41,13,1,2,5,0,4,3,2,2,3,2,0,0,14,10,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,9,0,2,11,7,31,8,29,25,0,23,0,1,1,0,12,12,2,2,12,126,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0996781729160098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054482305429268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499230041475098,0.0,0.0,0.06946167588144404,0.0,0.07814016527043341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528628434346898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903383966739705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709643103661977,0.11038177906309972,0.0,0.0815539697625562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797679823608441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23942488733785985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746539459421756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065890550314994,0.07297196002010292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199603207595546,0.07891648870170513,0.0,0.10673243740439037,0.0,0.11610200145510825,0.0,0.16338837127720413,0.0,0.11252354200782888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153085633335032,0.5516672510306143,0.10661218679795254,0.1013625284275136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652259299483266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644277288774613,0.14970774246391694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818216171127454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835903732775644,0.0,0.0,0.16306132699983678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921567022514816,0.15537079595595255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655944785472496,0.0,0.09782607340404176,0.0,0.0,0.097738369445303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087260097400166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716268893588677,0.0,0.10226433595757783,0.0,0.08139584009077752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484973036873772,0.08449488034319967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23182444656664586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209977733920715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357203645128385,0.0,0.10035632722386773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934932389661558,0.0,0.09978020963341988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193405424993458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216940850994937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elevenosix__,2019/03/15,"I cannot stop having suicidal thoughts. Every minor thing that happens instantly makes me think about suicide.

Every single situation makes me think of suicide.

I dont know what to do anymore. I'm tired of feeling and thinking this stuff.

I dont think I'd actually try it for the sake of my sister and mom but dear god do i want to dissapear. ",2.405672268907562,4.845787382352945,4.336806722689079,81.27205882352945,79.58823529411767,6.8268907563025225,27.36134453781513,7.957251820313856,2.008346218487396,274,12,51,5,7,93,49,68,0.107,0.715,0.179,0.4659,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,14,18,3,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,7,17,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.1571201711865561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967625404117636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37739936622378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713116585055679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814102695260293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423784701067277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848555454033477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494761805017545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885701302267768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809792644093752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460954523345378,0.0,0.0,0.18431515688321784,0.5283484755235903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696628099176346,0.412668620913734,0.0,0.1278220327649521,0.0,0.18505452654142296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931357712073472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949664414784547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jhovudu1,2019/03/15,"NY Times: How to Fight Suicide - Keeping folks alive is a collective task. An excellent article that I found very useful.  I hope it helps you as well:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/14/opinion/suicide-prevention.html",11.916724137931034,17.222079206896552,5.95474137931035,65.28314655172417,67.27586206896552,8.417241379310347,27.9396551724138,8.841846274778883,3.2089241379310334,183,6,22,4,4,46,28,29,0.16699999999999998,0.424,0.409,0.8508,0,0,0,0,1,2,17.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40863157683400986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498039453458917,0.0,0.0,0.3701618458391608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312609385384168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076586072834128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217316530265791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218815283502333,0.0,0.3075054429844113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350899753950197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrkillera16,2019/03/15,"My best friend and partner in crime just committed suicide, i'm going to join her this evening. My entire world has gone from shitty but bearable to just 'gone' in the last two months. I had to put my schoolyear on hold because I got diagnosed with depression, got put on antidepressants, my parents consider me a failure but throughout all that, I had one light, one rock to lean on. I would always look forward to doing stuff with her and now she's gone, just like that... She even made me a promise that she would wait but I get that she couldn't wait for me. That's ok, I have 80 clonazolams, some flunitrazolam and some trazodone that i will take this evening with some drinks so if it doesn't kill me it will knock me out nice and long so I wont have to deal with reality for a bit.",4.922468354430379,5.3622021329113965,5.060607594936712,86.92205063291142,68.81012658227849,8.345316455696205,29.09113924050633,8.238735603445708,1.6763802531645573,619,21,135,8,10,194,95,158,0.099,0.7490000000000001,0.151,0.7819,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,0,4,1,13,2,0,1,2,28,26,10,2,4,7,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,1,11,9,1,3,0,2,0,7,3,2,0,3,8,2,23,6,19,12,6,18,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,4,6,95,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455246499845353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590067001176544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231284742763945,0.0,0.18966185038949493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910203914754005,0.14962841322848153,0.17632642302007734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018359480381126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442296199690196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421889883185495,0.0,0.09076373298998308,0.0,0.09873147579070092,0.0,0.2778862521069413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220010632428972,0.0,0.0,0.14160842322112008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487287709949226,0.0,0.0,0.15374046494107105,0.14588458841271462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438205425734398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866501229359832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354400504219967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290018369995465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492816413406932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887266489418307,0.19002609641906346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061899066517352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970331653795304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468173982146719,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squishypeaches,2019/03/15,"My partner, the love of my life, my family, the most important people of my life; I do not deserve them. They do not deserve to worry, and deal, and have to face my depression, my thoughts of death and suicide and not existing from the world. They just don't, they're all beautiful and great and everything I am not. I just want to die and disappear. I don't derserve to meet such amazing people in my life. Just take me away please. Just make me not exist please. Please someone, tell me it's alright to hurt. please. It really hurts. What do I do. Whar do I do A",1.2923684210526325,3.5210190263157912,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,82.42105263157895,6.60701754385965,22.657894736842106,7.793537801064563,1.081557894736842,435,15,94,8,12,142,62,114,0.221,0.598,0.181,-0.7596,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,3,0,5,7,0,0,4,1,10,5,1,1,1,21,15,7,3,1,9,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,19,4,11,14,2,4,0,3,0,1,8,3,0,1,0,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183994207373388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556419677347381,0.1300290090205109,0.0,0.15668154187623842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135680817141277,0.0,0.1423197329179546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644338253769633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32322995540957805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199006991902748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625502957032268,0.0,0.1007726934595004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20932519688689005,0.0,0.0,0.6628726239644477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671433237954792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791518033083202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165135113527379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350957715174748,0.0,0.13195318529825945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985218205289365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904517466031152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533159120801521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xklnbx14,2019/03/15,"Why? That is the only question. Why? Why did our lives begin? Why did I have to be the one sperm that made it to the egg?

Thinking about it, as a sperm, I probably killed many other cells just to reach my objective. Thinking about it that way, I'm an asshole.

Why am I a human? Why not another animal, like a fish, which can live a mostly carefree life under the sea in it's beautiful reefs and all?

I hate myself. I wish I could just die.

What purpose do we have in life? All we do is live on a planet in a vast, vast universe, filled with countless other rocks like ours, filled with countless stars and galaxies, possibly countless other species of life.

I'll admit, I have a goal. I have something I want to do when I'm done with high school. But I don't do anything at all to try and achieve it. I tell myself to study, but I don't. At this point, I'm just scraping by in school.

I want to die. I'm not afraid of death. But I am afraid of the pain that comes with death.

I may have just rambled. I'm sorry. All I wanted to do was get some stuff off my mind.",0.12375000000000115,2.211504089285718,1.9169000000000016,97.2781,86.23214285714286,4.8340000000000005,18.78142857142857,6.152001189255117,-0.2574237142857143,812,22,189,7,25,266,115,224,0.105,0.805,0.09,-0.7377,0,0,1,0,0,1,36.0,4,0,0,2,7,7,2,2,13,0,24,6,0,1,4,37,41,8,5,5,9,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,16,10,1,0,4,1,0,3,4,5,0,1,5,0,24,2,28,33,6,19,0,0,0,0,9,13,0,4,4,125,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814525287126927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927185428769008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705599578904242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995853812260814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338691922465447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153014396998044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886589007939416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123917825512754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190429821022162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465364699556987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23874834655964194,0.1100906119542709,0.0,0.29847138218492025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661192106329236,0.0,0.11423059879007155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376548076229576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634871149447894,0.08569128953401815,0.1198897716098768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065104101765678,0.1270195001694556,0.0,0.0,0.12147827671227834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262171835461951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805791323197144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867395562745697,0.0,0.12612583765445598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898121359496273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984793246559907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438991463880896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649613888440167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993686316385851,0.08943290865178541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6100077242092039,0.0,0.12956596384495733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,--throw--awayyy--,2019/03/15,"Might have to start over in a new town, any suggestions on how to kill myself? On Monday my school is going to contact me to let me know if I’m being expelled or not. If I am being expelled I would have to start over in a new town, I honestly can’t fucking do that. I finally found a friend group, I’m getting on top of my grades and my life. I can’t abandon all of that and start over again. I probably wouldn’t even be able to get into college. Anyways so on Monday, or at some point that week I will kill myself after I get the result of my expulsion hearing. I live in Massachusetts, around the Boston area, I’m just telling you that to help anyone give me advice. I think jumping in front of a train would be pretty good but I’m in the middle of suburbia so there aren’t that many trains around, but maybe I could get into another town with a subway or some shit. I know ODing and slitting wrists almost never works so I’m probably not gonna try that. I don’t know how high I’d have to fall from to actually die but if anyone knows measurements or statistics I’d like to see them. And any suggestions of a fairly painless way to off myself would be appreciated.",3.5739693728731154,4.449606367768594,4.979946524064172,84.71344919786098,72.099173553719,8.008167233835684,25.39231891103549,8.313332769828598,1.4502238210986875,919,27,194,14,17,308,128,242,0.08800000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.092,-0.25,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,1,2,12,9,4,0,9,0,23,4,2,3,2,43,47,19,3,8,13,0,0,1,1,7,1,1,0,0,6,9,0,1,6,0,0,4,8,5,0,0,1,2,25,4,38,32,3,43,0,1,1,1,11,26,2,11,13,131,31,6,0.12064812017278688,0.0,0.11773516158807465,0.0,0.0,0.11789594670397775,0.0,0.0,0.12081166476819452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408971783564386,0.12651007350455193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871994166666224,0.0,0.0,0.2148048116812866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632770673108236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252137008576987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968694551460474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216411841576362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228443648135893,0.09321243836489312,0.1115372430018334,0.2521346528910273,0.11573667044556615,0.06856710703121523,0.10119391908964276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359791998730208,0.0,0.08086789179859376,0.1274713630039957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669585389300897,0.0,0.26522020650415656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337087703690393,0.08521733526684255,0.058942577344480176,0.0,0.10653450048859846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231825738395982,0.12120725292309345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798858963899154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305126799793627,0.23304541253780006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405147048201332,0.0,0.0,0.12274251199786733,0.26015815858165386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210233871058734,0.09614093141293503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238435615972921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25618608129229553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054517748121704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773064438491453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191215404671975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576486208541217,0.09677664462018593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783326839796504,0.0,0.0,0.2571148890212188,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sp00pers,2019/03/15,I don't think I have what it takes to keep going any longer I'm struggling so much and I don't think I have the will to keep going. I feel like such a burden on everyone and the only thing that makes me want to live is because i feel like my SO and my psychologist really care for me and I don't want to disappoint them by losing against depression . I know the road to recovery isn't always a straight line but I can't help feeling disappointed in myself for going backwards when everything was going so well. I just don't think I'm.cut out for this life. I don't even know how to express myself properly and Im just finding it so hard to get through eachday. I told myself I'll try my hardest to get help before I give up because I don't want any regrets  but I feel like it's a losing battle and nothing is gonna change cause I don't know how to make things change Idont think im capable anymroe,3.6517449392712535,4.363504036842105,4.891052631578948,86.02775303643726,71.78947368421052,7.951417004048582,27.77327935222672,8.139509932561175,1.6432712550607285,717,25,154,10,13,238,100,190,0.138,0.7140000000000001,0.147,0.1586,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,12,14,1,1,6,0,15,1,0,5,0,34,45,15,0,4,4,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,12,0,0,4,9,9,1,0,2,5,25,5,19,41,1,12,0,6,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,94,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803531836904188,0.0,0.0,0.16024269201455096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436434293971997,0.0,0.10025577399887886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012490118210085,0.1210331505682325,0.24927495989129184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147782072111794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781871305590941,0.0,0.0,0.11258164565540336,0.10588863009011644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382924533486037,0.2525109673820121,0.0,0.0,0.10768495008205656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311172224051516,0.1130232648432884,0.2678383011258997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554319022959947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794394493782504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25453070136773936,0.0,0.0,0.20944688989646665,0.0,0.0,0.19425165891312776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321944476218192,0.17268206794192625,0.0,0.10403683652998663,0.0,0.0,0.2636199175866505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729095218828082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661093849991283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130510524894952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960709012736448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547823179077102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317059317127307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858565182572425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565481705901597,0.3019760856647136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258164565540336,0.0,0.07999175235528226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847910027910072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593394061435818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bitter_Mathematician,2019/03/15,I - an autistic asexual man was raped by my younger male friend and now I've got drunk to forget it. I just want to share that information with someone as I feel really bad.,2.7050476190476154,4.510564457142864,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,75.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.8776666666666668,136,5,29,3,3,45,31,35,0.293,0.5529999999999999,0.154,-0.7902,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361062904492885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26409517993062376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035347231728627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177383095580308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346045907122018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44255081441813904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080714459691681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrwaway801,2019/03/15,"Wow over an ex? Yes that's why I want to kill myself. My soul mate is gone she wants nothing to do with me, her family wants nothing to do with me. We were supposed to be the couple that everyone looked up to. The past 7 years were amazing. And in an instant its gone. So yes I want to die over my ex, my soul mate.",-0.8031521739130412,1.1352271449275406,1.4549094202898551,99.99366847826089,89.14492753623188,4.6094202898550725,17.320652173913047,5.985473137389443,-0.5876826086956521,239,6,60,2,8,80,45,69,0.106,0.6990000000000001,0.195,0.6478,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,8,13,2,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,11,2,12,8,0,8,2,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,2,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650935562227081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486488819354213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289314122463859,0.0,0.0,0.2258571242255812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650626160451801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118901797122304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597718740331504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287086719242311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.565248027454817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161860042923636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428331973738701
suicidewatch,hallljahs,2019/03/15,"I am so fucking alone I tried to reach out, I told my best friend what happened, that I was raped, as a man, and I really hoped to get some support or just some nice words. But I didn't got anything like that, just that it's my fault because I did too much drugs. yeah thanks, that'll help. I know that I am a fuck up and it was partially my fault, and I have to live with that my whole life now. Knowing I am completely alone and I have no one to talk to. I never cry but now I do, I feel pathetic and not even oxycodone brings me any joy. I took a week off work but now I regret that, sitting alone in my depressing home is far worse. I know I should just get over it, stop being a crybaby and live my life. I don't think I'll tell anyone in real life what happened again. My head is going to explode I feel extremely talkative but I have no one so that's the reason I post here I just have to get that off my chest or I don't know what happen. I don't know if I am going to kill myself tbh but the thought to do it is so nice. I actually feel not save right now, idk what to do.",-0.13334379358437687,1.5984508451882888,2.0192730125523006,98.32227074616459,84.48117154811716,5.489609483960949,17.908124128312412,6.6274283507984215,-0.3234394700139473,828,19,210,9,24,278,117,239,0.205,0.684,0.111,-0.975,0,3,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,15,18,4,0,6,1,24,9,2,1,1,43,51,18,1,4,14,0,3,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,17,8,0,1,11,0,0,4,9,8,0,2,8,3,38,10,19,40,5,23,0,2,0,3,6,9,2,6,9,144,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.11258412603920827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584644590799761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845531116346413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066913452918463,0.0,0.09493938331119567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032826151548334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107331908380713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096287218602887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672813182743456,0.0,0.0,0.0993677015878214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379215457111324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620055891955818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750030688482722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913429741585385,0.2133147456512454,0.1808276250508668,0.0,0.13113444982825134,0.0,0.0922716400546062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060629740162294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840253443473835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732983757759689,0.0,0.11572515524611375,0.1145880837731794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276394128514637,0.0,0.3170206839066469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444669651359137,0.05636377839310576,0.0,0.2037470109821014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480995975221489,0.0,0.088980178419774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635490724900214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049222368192628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131315907563487,0.07390874537573656,0.11861920435856554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985250419020786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645418466766784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092009989599715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272974623578448,0.10083815018702223,0.1062168638005528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392420667333355,0.0,0.09159060697757508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024063475403266,0.1281799146636967,0.07832841226824319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254256594721724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288060825949158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399047171948436,0.0,0.11757151911931787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MemeL0rd59,2019/03/15,"7 year countdown started a few months ago. The day I purchase a leader bike and go to a motorway is 7 years from now. I couldn't be more fearful and relieved, I hope not to hurt anyone in the process.

If I wear a DNR wristband in case I make it will they comply? ",2.6437500000000007,3.400278732142862,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,74.17857142857143,6.314285714285715,28.285714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.9781214285714296,203,8,46,1,4,67,44,56,0.0,0.778,0.222,0.8856,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,6,0,4,1,1,1,0,7,8,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,5,5,2,10,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,7,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013149730148969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376771299170981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219217661890215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824999367357732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931820630675081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33761322757288503,0.0,0.0,0.3638870459615785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689653061457976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713176617246685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059425311466706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377894438215677
suicidewatch,6319,2019/03/15,"Hateful Voices The voices in my head precede me. That is to suggest, the voices and phantom personas seemingly dictate my future. And I spend so much time and effort fighting, arguing, bickering with those angry hateful voices. I'm saying; You're fucking Lying. That is NOT what will happen. Assholes.",4.203901098901098,7.580214884615388,5.007142857142862,72.39500000000002,82.84615384615384,5.279120879120879,32.42857142857143,6.868970318607317,2.9022494505494514,242,13,29,3,7,78,41,52,0.35100000000000003,0.649,0.0,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,8,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093583427276728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959105776549355,0.0,0.0,0.6607520614310329,0.34342503342335645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459902011522535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661097446263145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046329100289861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951243716934929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lettucebogs,2019/03/15,"bye ibs for 10 years, cant eat anything, cant drink anything except water, always bloated, headache, pain, constipation, skinny as fuck, almost 30y old, never worked, never had a kiss, fuck fuck fuck all because of this fucking stomach useless, doctors cant find shit, ""just eat clean and healthy"", i didnt touch sugar or processed food in 5 years, same shit, they give me medicine that never work, im done, no more energy i fought enough. bye",6.643902439024391,7.205196560975613,5.915756097560978,81.8597317073171,65.09756097560975,7.5356097560975615,32.25365853658536,6.742157984588678,1.9228117073170718,346,13,62,2,5,105,65,82,0.279,0.61,0.111,-0.9481,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,1,11,8,0,1,0,6,18,4,0,4,11,13,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,4,2,4,1,5,9,4,7,0,1,0,6,5,1,7,2,8,29,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574351245308194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279657511586767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231082548424719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263596805444036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875115277418354,0.0,0.13872469407981133,0.0,0.13279695116220847,0.0,0.2774229425362933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006946368874051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123899159638113,0.0,0.1639193930946874,0.0,0.0,0.6266140427520931,0.0,0.1300412687471051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642779690909308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136561187321273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422471586244676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424513634157876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783002796654082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737823140589505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459207464877655
suicidewatch,KurosakiMay,2019/03/15,"I chose the date for my suicide It's completely random. Let it be 20th of May. Just wanna see this Avengers Endgame badly.

i am so fucking tired. This is not life. It's fucking hell, (I mean, literal Hell would be a walk in the park for me, I am not joking), where you suffer 25/8, where you don't sleep, you don't feel happiness, you don't get support. You just suffer and struggle. I want it all to stop.

so tired

when I talked about my problems a girl in a chat said ""you made it up. I don't believe you. There's no way all of this could happen to you"". Welcome to my fucking life

I don't know how to die. I guess I ll go with old classic jumping from skycrapers. Didn't think about it yet. I am afraid of heights. Don't wanna survive either",-0.1084210526315772,2.0781533439490474,1.6122494133422762,98.2211431444854,88.80891719745226,4.324371438149513,20.36506872276232,5.750287758089431,-0.1800878980891718,573,19,132,4,19,186,92,157,0.29,0.685,0.025,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,8,0,1,12,15,5,2,5,0,17,8,1,2,2,25,33,5,2,6,5,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,9,2,0,1,4,2,0,3,10,11,0,0,3,3,23,4,18,24,3,15,2,2,1,3,13,6,5,3,5,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345041204830564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149420966911595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890067816112966,0.0,0.0,0.12861792560499094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718685628632865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145236764135519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467776502552189,0.08416331377666436,0.0,0.09155163524976404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745971896781626,0.0,0.14245209552633842,0.1714841919133563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853131136071386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647262955076134,0.2275664449939547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242804538725144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175475147355608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903773548439394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414217562516214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323427582398855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283685409285615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120717530357925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467915325947058,0.0,0.1684071198497166,0.0,0.17620723004459687,0.18280397329975714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947871311162884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322050406051493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703004404064668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950155496343265,0.12786640858854134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144343089864644,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unradchad,2019/03/15,"I’ll outlive my dog... Not sure if this belongs here. I think about ending my life all the time. Not going to get into that but I felt like sharing this for some reason. I’m staying alive for now because I feel too guilty to leave my dog behind. No people stop me, just my dog. He’s my best friend. Had him since a few weeks old and now he is 8 years old. He is a Pit bull mix of some sort and he’s the sweetest boy. I don’t think he’d take it well not seeing me ever again. There are no people I see on a regular basis, but him and I, we are very close and spend a lot of time together. Might be lame but If anyone needs a friend, get a dog. 

On a dark side thought, watching him age is like watching myself die on the inside. Tread lightly. ",-0.13656923639020846,1.7458538012422369,1.8091194738765068,98.96024113993424,85.52173913043478,4.285129704055535,16.92400438436244,5.0885558068054335,-0.8669834855681402,566,12,137,2,17,187,103,161,0.133,0.698,0.17,0.8664,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,10,0,10,1,0,1,3,32,23,9,1,3,9,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,6,1,1,0,3,7,19,8,12,17,6,21,0,1,4,0,13,6,0,7,15,83,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874913327639512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035268340058602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782261801618444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625679933624036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041903326094258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362102073518166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587118591569566,0.0,0.16306349954374832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624205806869974,0.0,0.17745840357690382,0.0,0.09651834218047836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982552197766608,0.0,0.0,0.1199560004952404,0.16594078692991696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438345183056578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016286561935865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592684455759284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564161787036562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354775730561464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461359651031358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706651546911299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404851883904316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181016257379974,0.0,0.1419855425128321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006283056143294,0.0,0.12769107658246245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176405020789602,0.0,0.13482610490770966,0.1980585584189656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012759330592248,0.0,0.0,0.13622743768783016,0.0,0.15269762816987031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936499660169104
suicidewatch,Minagadaisuki,2019/03/15,"On the brink of insanity (insert screaming at top of my lungs here) not much more I gotta say or wanna say. Just tired of everything. Probably gonna off myself one of these times, going speedrunner route with my life 😎",4.686201550387602,5.791111883720928,5.367441860465117,82.10992248062018,69.69767441860466,8.524031007751939,25.96124031007752,8.841846274778883,1.794091472868217,173,5,34,3,3,56,38,43,0.2,0.7609999999999999,0.039,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,9,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31810323965096154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115528744268596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500020536508501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601905426728537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398425154636341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816129295511052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5629430647280155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638836799928534,0.4068080888282549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Miss-94,2019/03/15,"I cant take this anymore. to tired to explain everything but I have always had a bad relationship with my parents, been told I was a mistake, I talk to much, I dont do enough, Im lazy, stupid, fat well you get the rest. these past months I thought my relationship with my parents was better. but just 3 days ago I got a long text from my parenst telling me they dont want to have contact with me anymore. they are just throwing me away. then why the FUCK did they keep me? why was I even born? if not even my parents want me, then who the hell want to??? Its just over a year I tried to kill myself. there is no fucking reason anymore. I cant stand this pain. Im so fucking worthless not even my parents want me. great. Im seeing my doctor on monday. im scared to tell him all this. I dont want to be admitted to a psych ward again. not another 7 months. i cant take that. I feel so broken. i dont know what to do. I feel so worthless. dead on the inside. nothing is ever going to go my way. I was never ment to be alive. this life is not for me.",-1.0324483775811224,1.033278734513278,1.236495575221241,99.61521533923306,93.5132743362832,3.898289085545724,18.152802359882006,5.46131890053228,-0.6025063126843659,798,24,193,5,30,266,118,226,0.29600000000000004,0.639,0.066,-0.9963,4,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,3,1,13,15,6,1,9,0,24,8,1,1,3,30,47,8,2,7,10,4,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,9,3,1,1,7,0,0,3,13,12,1,0,10,3,37,3,21,35,4,23,1,2,1,3,19,4,4,1,14,128,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628430428326026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160628612290107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023822792457188,0.0,0.0,0.2560361458228033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085334846221487,0.0,0.07185396852721994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761103893947288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549962106619658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880829469797694,0.0,0.0,0.4034324733886749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891984604740277,0.0,0.17051943500059175,0.07784344883021932,0.0,0.0,0.07734244830880549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702597124831947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23867482352815936,0.04496121068660333,0.0,0.09781630918408546,0.0,0.06882761382935647,0.0948781042264834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718251449052576,0.0,0.0,0.07649138175397717,0.09520927786638808,0.0,0.047294655638357073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078457714797951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761577031658087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737969180445622,0.0,0.06326176878674994,0.0,0.06637243420751053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257397584597671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915706748551708,0.0,0.3822242878342311,0.0,0.08215110761592694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848088952906075,0.0,0.1847859421752544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615803155124255,0.0,0.06857625674692941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940825075179482,0.06916932614001141,0.1504351555089228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831961503792743,0.0,0.09890981813428427,0.0,0.08223111491963693,0.0,0.058427028155940364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537931287347228,0.06830801067962136,0.0,0.0,0.07737554371173994,0.0,0.15530604549671725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055417861930865016
suicidewatch,Brave_Guess,2019/03/15,"I'm not good enough and I should be dead I'm tired of feeling this way, I no that no matter how hard I try I won't be like some beautiful perfect looking girl, I will never have people falling over themselves just to make her feel comfortable and support her. I will never be treated like her. I will never have someone who loves me like her. I will never have her life. 

​

I'm just lonely and filled with flaws and I keep wishing for something to happen with me so that I die. I tried to kill myself last week but it didn't work because I'm just unlucky. ",1.9518652037617559,4.0005189827586225,2.9675548589341716,92.5692946708464,79.0,4.907836990595611,23.476489028213173,5.565023196281405,0.3055275862068965,446,15,92,2,11,142,71,116,0.193,0.6679999999999999,0.138,-0.6636,0,2,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,1,0,0,0,13,3,0,2,5,25,26,7,3,2,5,0,3,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,2,0,0,1,4,19,9,8,16,2,10,0,1,1,1,8,1,0,1,9,64,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025333860380066,0.20214824233627204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014128329780432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265766430487786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718965900784537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823542067174574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953669280752884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711351499300948,0.0,0.14902782490840302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787033804454025,0.1840550893479886,0.0,0.0,0.13560737029153852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750651857323552,0.24382845477844134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970232102521682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501483510673298,0.0,0.11104803839735164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5132350368395998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533457975285025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095812436224242,0.12807372399371664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878581580320247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912088382777861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258979823934885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320505447637634,0.1334456956780953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130828200148367,0.0,0.0,0.12111363905049588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214824233627204,0.0
suicidewatch,thelastanon11,2019/03/15,"I just wanna know hoe to get my hands on some helium I have it all planned out like it’s just another day. I could disappear for days and no one would report me missing. It would take days to find me and people would likely stumble upon the location by accident. There’s no way to fail.

But I can’t get my hands on the god damn helium. 5 months of wishing I had the guts to do it and 3 weeks of wishing I had the means. I fucking hate life.",0.2759999999999998,2.252209073684213,2.6476315789473723,93.00092105263157,84.57894736842105,6.326315789473685,20.026315789473685,7.554174236665415,0.5815052631578945,342,10,79,6,10,117,63,95,0.215,0.7020000000000001,0.083,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,3,0,4,0,9,5,3,0,1,19,19,4,0,7,3,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,2,11,2,13,13,2,11,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,1,7,53,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795309642307835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834031497374812,0.0,0.0,0.3836949699634023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125852028724804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334125027514128,0.20722532337458727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957973849945344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899006231018264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400774519115735,0.1937757386489924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160257986719828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829506492672188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343850097852738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748832188405266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491100117182269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741512946377328,0.15907826430501118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561104694059474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226369950414641,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pandadoodle167,2019/03/15,"I dont think I'm worth it. I work at McDonalds, I live in a house where I help support my father and brother. I've worked there for 5 years and I make 9.30, I'm the least paid person there, even compared to the kids that are still in high school. I was in a wreck recently with my now ex girlfriend of 5 years and I now have permanent hearing problems (one of them being permanent tenidious) and part of my left hand doesn't work all the way. I'm grown such a bad anger problem I'm losing friends. I lost my mom a few years ago and my dad is pretty sick and wont go to the hospital.
I'm sorry, I usually dont ask for help in in way, shape or form.",2.320845070422536,2.9021002394366207,4.074760563380284,91.14030985915493,74.77464788732394,7.651830985915493,24.76338028169014,7.908726449838941,1.0137470422535206,502,15,122,7,10,170,89,142,0.184,0.695,0.121,-0.7944,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,5,8,8,1,0,8,0,9,2,1,1,1,13,22,7,0,2,1,5,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,6,0,1,3,2,15,2,14,17,5,23,0,2,0,0,14,10,0,1,9,69,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308998606314826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805079415276014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232976371011618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34613447049801743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753413228866403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408887912216675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392382522188464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643395205167166,0.0,0.19795914137890608,0.15602064681936378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039046248080758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044304812578067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130394633611064,0.0,0.0,0.16520409363073224,0.16119840613484418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857035625556856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294841491356713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006449049609148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159911383492798,0.0,0.0,0.1289390738848911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502326927620637,0.0,0.2825990157618839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580554754660446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149449142260962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530361071252048,0.0,0.0,0.11792883610756115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757328979674807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462047857972933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626367919177292,0.0,0.0,0.2344259192500331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32251486980522204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852824236152925
suicidewatch,MissTinyTits,2019/03/15,"How can life be so cruel... That poor poor girl.. I live in the UK and woke up to the news that famous singer's younger sister passed away from a heart attack. She was only 18 wtf, we're the same age.. She had a life, she had friends, she was so beautiful and loved by so many. But it's not like she didn't also have her own personal battles...

God, forgive me for being so selfish and inhumane but I would give anything to switch places with that girl, it's so cruel out here sometimes, people dying left and right when they WANT to live. Why her and not someone who sees life as a burden? I'm sure she wanted to live, had plans, but she's gone.. She's gone and that hurts so fucking much. 

​

To even compare myself to her feels disgusting, and so very pathetic, and it is; she didn't take her own life, her life was taken from her. The thoughts are racing right now, they have been these last couple of months. Fuck.",2.104010695187167,4.022669561497331,2.7085561497326225,95.23577540106956,77.98395721925135,5.469518716577539,20.090909090909093,6.2272716619740125,-0.08473048128342198,716,17,157,5,17,222,116,187,0.201,0.723,0.076,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,1,13,15,7,0,7,0,17,9,1,1,1,25,32,22,1,3,5,1,1,1,1,1,5,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,3,0,2,3,4,10,0,0,14,2,21,5,17,15,4,16,0,1,1,3,26,8,2,0,6,101,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655080891474414,0.0,0.14436389783657275,0.1618994046408248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964396227686896,0.0,0.0,0.15157806937398904,0.12518199029705712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742590558822274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382805644737451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800279627124054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736940705362515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293976222074976,0.24635375867800646,0.0,0.12781454433419293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578883064018864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263460824302227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860718976020776,0.0,0.0,0.14476405896103878,0.0,0.4705515907176721,0.06509361843713098,0.0,0.3529562043749648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025298050904905,0.0,0.0,0.13508296265215644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634972807907277,0.0,0.09794565441081876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133391040881937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237082440432233,0.11633875018144095,0.1392059114992722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275699630832665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617386255455342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128925789795974,0.0,0.13177631877364496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557574314666142,0.0,0.10017879715606864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057765145097644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109935745875684,0.15717508097306346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022705460077485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946488330082036,0.0,0.1618994046408248,0.0
suicidewatch,NeverReadTheArticle,2019/03/15,"I just can't take life anymore. I've been struggling for so long with OCD, PTSD, Panic Disorder, Depression and eating disorders that I can't take it anymore. My girlfriend has to deal with my problems and it's not fair to her. Plus she kind of emotionally manipulates me because she knows I'm too mentally ill to ever leave her so I just have to deal with it. I very much appreciate everything she does for me and she does look after me. But she manipulates me and i feel terrible. She is always telling me when I ask about the future she always says things like ""we may not even be together in the future"" and that makes me feel so horrible. 

I'm so afraid of being alone. So I don't want to leave her. I'd prefer to kill myself than break up. Then all this Christchurch attack today I have been a wreck, I'm Australian but have many NZ friends and I hate bad stuff happening to people, especially to a country I care so much about so I am just devastated and don't want to live anymore. 

My post history is cancerous because I vent my anger at the world online because I don't have a family or friends. Just a girlfriend who is in a constant state of emotional manipulation. 

Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I just wish I could develop the courage to kill myself. ",3.054138181818182,5.067880552000002,4.465018181818183,83.29050909090911,75.47999999999998,7.905454545454546,26.56363636363637,8.710501217029153,2.0320000000000005,998,38,198,21,22,331,136,250,0.238,0.667,0.095,-0.9861,0,1,0,0,0,5,23.0,1,0,0,0,19,18,5,3,10,0,20,4,0,4,2,38,37,20,2,6,10,0,2,1,4,1,3,1,0,0,9,12,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,2,4,38,6,28,31,3,17,0,1,1,0,21,5,0,2,10,138,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246042053456064,0.0,0.0,0.18070140395219456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230588647851448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151151199727686,0.12353013360092442,0.0,0.0,0.09066322033599276,0.19857564951392015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070876626070572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173408788214261,0.0,0.08669559926048924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238909583797664,0.09352335963905904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889366070819724,0.0,0.1900454232000064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110868205298252,0.0,0.2442850822503019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071718799596393,0.09822057010440832,0.0,0.0,0.09758842240829067,0.0,0.10236346232032832,0.0,0.10980680633180652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778367256548152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602059533674467,0.0,0.0,0.10720435682190098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402645230085269,0.11307367118335755,0.0596750029642541,0.0,0.0,0.22994984935579404,0.0,0.0,0.0766961884493513,0.05304872542126621,0.0,0.09588178391457226,0.09609354589495203,0.09118332897833188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248075581905622,0.1100872737893114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942727264899707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964367173916064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740009112282694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527856982622007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039935895426874,0.0,0.0,0.10390035622391076,0.12692904753379253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863504654224436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155105347289095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135157180185284,0.12430286039908645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328351783048434,0.0,0.09490732335137524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213847693466205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292506717287134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895932863614565,0.12809147676524255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486640083003375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aim4jug,2019/03/15,"I wanna kill myself because I HATE everyone including myself I can't take this fucking 50 miles down the track snooze you lose socety. All I ever wanted was to be content. I'm so FUCKED up that none of my meds can get rid of this endless loneliness. This rage I feel at other people for being able to not have emotional breakdowns every 5 seconds.

What does it say about somebody who had more meaningful relationships inside a fuxking psyche ward than with ANY of their friends.

People are always telling you how to act and what to feel and what 2 do.  Don't be desperate, have ambitions , don't disrespect authority figures, don't tell your peers how you really feel....oR Dodon't say this or think that.

Nobody ever tells you how to do these things and not feel empty inside



I can socialize pretty well. I have friends.but if I ever dropped my composure they'd see me in a completely different even scary way.

I don't want to be untrue to who I am and what I believe anymore but if I do that I'm fucked.

I wish I was a sociopath. I hate these emotions so much and they are unbearable


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suicidewatch,ProfessorDongle,2019/03/15,"A battle with myself. Sometimes I write notes on my phone about how I'm feeling just to try and at least get it all out of my head.. I found this subreddit tonight and felt sharing this might make me feel better(doubtful).
I am in a bad place right now. I know ill be okay again soon, but I also know it wont last long and ill be right back here where I always land.

I want to die in some way every day. I am not afraid of death, but I do have responsibilities that keep me from ending my life. I know if I didn't have those responsibilities that I wouldn't even be here right now to even be posting this. 
--------------------

The hardest battle I've had to fight in life has been with myself. That internal dialogue that has always been there telling me how worthless I am. It's not easy. I've always been able to shake it off and move along with my life, but it keeps coming back. I can't remember a time in my life since maybe middle school that I haven't thought about ending my suffering. It would all be okay if I just found a way to quickly be gone. To take one final never ending nap. All I can think about is how wonderful that sounds. Being alone with this voice in my head is.. tough. Unbearable at times. The small glimpses of happiness in my life are starting to fail at holding back the pain. Pain that I and only I have caused myself. I don't know what my life will bring. I may stick around until I go with old age or sickness. I may also be gone tomorrow from my own free will. I have no set plans and that scares me. If I'm gone only a few will truly miss me. Only a few will hurt. It my be selfish, but I want to be able to decide for myself if I stay or go for MY own happiness. At this point in time(and honestly my whole existence so far) I hate myself. It may be confusing to some who have never had this issue because they see someone like me who has a loving bf, pets that I would die for, and some family that care deeply about me. It's not a matter of having those people in my life. Those are all wonderful joy giving things to have. That doesn't take away the pain someone like me causes themselves. One amazing full day can be ruined by 5 minutes alone with my internal self. This is not something that can be fixed. I was born broken and I will either survive the rest of my life broken, or I will end my own suffering.

Please don't hate me if I don't make it. If one day I'm just ripped from your life. Be happy that I am no longer sad. Be happy that I am finally free from the prison that I have created for myself in my head. Love me still like you did before I was gone. Take care of my pets like I would if I were still around. Remember that I love you.. It's just myself that I couldn't stand. ❤
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suicidewatch,87Blueberry87,2019/03/15,"Last night I seriously thought about taking my own life Hello everyone.

Today is a fresh new day but I'm very confused. Last night I seriously thought about taking my own life. I was about to exit from my boyfriend's home, take the car and go by the see or wherever to never exist anymore.

I was suffering like this. For the hundredth time I was about to ruin my wonderful relationship with him.

Once again I failed him, I acted not like the woman he deserve. So he wanted me to move out from his own place. It's not the first time. Every time we fight like this he asks himself why he's still with me, so I tell him that if he's not happy with me I'll go and leave him alone.

But he loves me, we love each other like of a pure and wonderful love. We are really a happy couple, but we are unsatisfied with our current lives and we cannot change them easily. I don't know if his frustration is due to the situation only or to me and my behavior too. So every time I'm ready to go away, even if this devastates me. A few hours later he looks at me again with pure love, he hugs me and kisses me and we promise each other to be stronger, to grow up as a couple.

He is smarter and more experienced in life than me, often he has to behave with me like I was his daughter, and this is frustrating for him (and for me too) because he would need a woman, not a girl. I try very hard to be the woman he deserves, but I don't even notice or understand what kind of behavior can hurt him, so every time he disappontes in my behavior I litterally fall from the clouds.

Yesterday the last one: in his eyes, I insulted him with our coworkers, but I was not acting like that. He got mad. He told me that a woman who loves his man defends him at the cost of his life, while I didn't say a word. I didn't because I wanted to talk with him at first and not to say anything that could damage him or us in this job. Instead, the fact of not having taken the initiative and always depending on him for every decision has made him go crazy once again. So he told me that he cannot spend his life with a person like that, and I agree with him, he deserves a better person that I'm not. But I don't want to be in this world without him. So he asked me to call my father, take my stuff and go, but I took car's keys and a blanket to, I don't know, lie in the car until death or something. He doesn't know this thoughs. However, he sees me with a small backpack and stops me. He insists that I call my father. In the meanwhile I make him a transfer with all our money. I becomes crazy, because this is another mad thing that a mature person doesn't do. If we want to separate we have to equally divide our money - he says - but I don't even care of money at all, I just wanted to disappear. So he confirms his thoughts that I'm not the person he wants for life.

I call the bank, cancel the transfer, take some suitcases and at that moment he comes and kisses me, but help me to carry the suitcase.

I start putting my stuff inside while dying inside. I packed all the clothes in my wardrobe. Then he asks me if I'm hungry, and we eat something together. Then he turns on the TV and puts on a video with some otters we use to watch. He laughs, it's wonderful to see his smile. Then he tells me he is going to bed. I say I'll sleep on the couch, but he invites me to sleep in bed. Once in bed he takes his phone and shows me some picture of us happy. Now he smiles me and let me see that he loves me for real.

And now here I am. He is in bed now. I don't know what to do. I'm paralized. How can I demonstrate him I can be a WOMAN, his woman? I already managed to talk with a psychologist to understand why I'm not able to even understand what can hurt him.

I'm about 32y old, I've not a decent job, I'm still working on my MA thesis. I'm late in life.

We are living in a house that is not ours, in a disgusting city, in a country that cannot give us a future. We have not friends, we stay at home all day working remotely. We'd like to go to Canada but it's very difficult. We need a new start.

I need advices, for all this. For me, for us. I'm really sad.

Thank you for reading.",2.2871758952676906,3.362944739476685,4.038285025385022,89.47716774489332,75.43913538111491,7.204530249775016,23.35831083490398,7.705687417285907,0.8848781722785386,3202,90,728,43,67,1081,311,879,0.125,0.733,0.142,0.9635,4,1,2,0,1,0,103.0,24,1,1,6,32,45,7,1,45,0,49,20,3,5,9,138,124,60,2,16,36,4,1,8,1,1,7,4,7,12,35,55,1,1,14,4,6,20,28,18,0,3,16,13,131,27,102,100,16,98,0,7,7,9,138,33,0,19,52,470,166,9,0.049479363262447895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048350661127433664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051245698144695,0.054601707742421485,0.0,0.041170793943505576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051883426565834063,0.0,0.0,0.0490702328548252,0.0,0.0,0.04071730005001882,0.0,0.1387695762819608,0.0,0.04648749054610847,0.0,0.0,0.09048648178182682,0.05464606932723212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043760475907829416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157188604625008,0.0,0.05044750847276283,0.0,0.05234260560223187,0.04262209024836109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950524539263259,0.10949594867473683,0.0,0.06382019195737189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051351767282413065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062974115406439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072261113543196,0.0,0.16675399030420476,0.04727965198879856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417424222898749,0.0,0.0,0.038227633317699836,0.0,0.0,0.047465113849772686,0.1968418367609609,0.0,0.03957316682683453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801510677369127,0.044323790745756715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03316497421460425,0.0,0.0992636713058439,0.0,0.04872720595477927,0.057092541978388575,0.10593736345796484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820126649396127,0.0,0.0,0.05152514274828002,0.10877025620761048,0.12099685494461485,0.05581487692940665,0.05239150143887174,0.0,0.05059600126527819,0.24464116285616905,0.19338494072684556,0.0,0.08738236852939826,0.0,0.04155020344438437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679423428860695,0.04681856987988179,0.033027859191236415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258873267289384,0.0,0.11006496272510914,0.03816153525398879,0.09557495472860032,0.0,0.09286606119563427,0.0,0.0,0.05633258302130852,0.051920268419153925,0.1580817211283457,0.0335284970826208,0.03763128538659236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281388597103828,0.05169540346361598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948085274118948,0.0,0.0,0.049492753080848835,0.056318347803850914,0.06339549419486126,0.0,0.0,0.05312231900909058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573919024900881,0.0,0.0,0.15771458562165572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556168774110452,0.09903019333370296,0.0,0.0,0.07618326236481511,0.0,0.0,0.07004349597209142,0.05273841779900375,0.07902856683298004,0.04136696322663206,0.0,0.0,0.11328406620311653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321394034375286,0.0795392758907734,0.08649428876519077,0.04555394992995583,0.0,0.0,0.03287189035964578,0.0,0.048613223184906115,0.11784326259562382,0.14425907310416214,0.0,0.0469006509027103,0.09455930397759713,0.054973393166459314,0.033593239744496364,0.05381933887270952,0.0,0.15452928641902594,0.23807032708564946,0.04273428337215195,0.0,0.1224769697689186,0.17510526250973554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929485864343828,0.0,0.0,0.0476963405098042,0.1609747764293957,0.07204313150286873,0.0,0.0,0.035148720029357955,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,terrexx123,2019/03/15,"Got suicidal out of no where Since a few weeks, I'm feeling very bad most of the days. Those days I cry for hours and I'm thinking about killing myself way too often. I can't say why. Nothing is particularly bad in my life oder something. Even when I'm  achieving something big, when I go to sleep or wake up the next day, those feelings come back and everything starts again. My best friend knows all of this and is very supportive but it doesn't seem to really help. I can't stop thinking about this shit ",2.1867647058823536,4.414367088235295,2.7330980392156867,93.63494117647059,79.09803921568627,6.04078431372549,22.945098039215694,7.1686216300943375,0.6428909803921572,401,13,87,5,10,124,74,102,0.17600000000000002,0.695,0.128,-0.7472,0,0,2,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,2,0,3,0,5,4,3,0,1,17,19,7,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,3,7,3,11,18,4,20,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,4,12,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707713536607235,0.2759755981630685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343344465295382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235954131259707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153377311851665,0.3197431144481251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915472969524684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852783272042214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671239944240433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768187371531267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939228374941996,0.0,0.13217601119343672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077238327176402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275087985469128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283915243941265,0.0,0.09082428672514778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673022646722744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757591990746243,0.0,0.0,0.1585744172791474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587178411801246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314238632727985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504493342484129,0.0,0.0,0.16964021400684154,0.13670735760114694,0.0,0.16538246736533355,0.0,0.0,0.25445524193570834,0.0,0.0,0.11697408433530655,0.0,0.0,0.1381673652353278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807710259639996,0.1875386259424716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178786381033216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727187574340125,0.0,0.13117816936928442,0.1325641033937396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491242574446694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GwenTrix,2019/03/15,"I want to die I’m too crazy to live. My craziness was confirmed to me earlier tonight by you. It’s none other than my own fault (and it was well on its way before I met you all those years ago).
I want to work on it, I’ve been trying to for months but it’s a slow process. My mind feels fractured into many little parts. I can’t seem to find any of the iridescent ones. It’s all stained, worn down pieces that don’t fit their respective parts anymore.
You’ve reminded me that I said I can’t feel care for anyone, including myself. You’ve reminded me that I’ve just turned into someone who compensated for their life not going anywhere. You’ve reminded me of my irresponsibilities, my wrong doings, my apathy. You’ve reminded me I’m lost. You’ve told me I’m heartless.
Despite the fact that I know these things, I didn’t make much of an effort to tell you I was trying to mitigate and work on it - I didn’t want to make promises I couldn’t fulfill. It’s so confusing to try and win back the feeling of love when it ‘s left your own body. You don’t know where to start. Often I find myself in situations knowing that I should be feeling love and care but my heart is empty. I don’t want to feel empty, just as you don’t want to feel unloved. And still we’ve come to an impasse.
I don’t think I’ll find my way out of this one, and you may have been the one to show it to me tonight, but deep down I knew I’d catch up to myself sooner or later.",1.794986218992733,3.316728570032577,3.3902442996742685,91.78700012528186,77.63192182410424,6.547181157604611,22.231145076421946,7.321109707123232,0.5641972939113002,1129,32,260,14,26,374,154,307,0.11,0.73,0.161,0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,7,2,5,10,14,1,1,7,0,21,5,2,2,3,48,56,13,1,7,7,0,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,21,10,0,0,15,1,0,3,12,6,1,3,13,7,43,8,38,39,9,31,0,1,0,2,16,15,0,5,11,163,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751751205631504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481079079649744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910067792546156,0.07692177441528959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459114643230195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361068065543973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219666674575062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432570843150929,0.0,0.0,0.09476415069098544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417334496367472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33374714288176843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016423215776408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252140069825922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036276024152052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813763864564005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952653581507895,0.0,0.07770354321979234,0.0,0.11025924254041254,0.09714112905776053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008926088904265,0.0,0.19857721985473276,0.0,0.14686548722322815,0.11153319884319783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107906394390687,0.0,0.08780918878206058,0.0,0.08087024399486394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223637522101717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382609147553273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464500752348777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014926467604074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365621022411055,0.0,0.0,0.09321138811321332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778658715298217,0.0,0.08785438457633017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615386958608067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308596911571706,0.07049017177069354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105119576247346,0.0,0.22406936038067246,0.11965963915199505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32443468841635875,0.17464214473945472,0.0,0.0,0.09891249042208676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601776480272656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027901646773695,0.0,0.07084303999039321
suicidewatch,xraindancer,2019/03/15,"I loathe myself I hate everything about me. I don't even recognize who I am in the mirror. When I see myself all I feel is deep hatred. I feel like I don't belong in this world and everything is so silent. It's just me alone with my thoughts. I don't even feel like I'm in my body. I feel like a game simulator where you can only see your hands and watch as I do random actions. I want to cry myself to sleep every night. I want to die and I feel like the only reason I'm alive is because I fear death. I feel like everything is just being mimicked. Everything just feels so numb. All these memories that just keep flooding and it's all just so overwhelming. I'm tired of my heart always hurting. I want to wail at the top of my lungs even if it sounds dramatic. I just want it to stop. I make minimum wage and have no financial support. I feel so lost and I feel so tired. I dream about driving my car into a tree, but even then I don't want to waste someone's time. I don't even want anyone to read this post, because then I've wasted their time. Why do I feel so worthless? ",0.3857205240174649,2.4858035895196515,2.307290829694324,94.83541659388644,85.15720524017469,5.5853973799126635,18.76698689956332,6.918507183188421,0.09039479475982536,838,22,192,11,25,278,113,229,0.18,0.7040000000000001,0.116,-0.9592,1,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,2,1,2,21,13,1,2,5,0,15,8,5,2,3,41,42,18,2,7,8,0,11,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,9,8,0,2,12,3,1,3,6,7,0,0,2,15,38,6,18,39,3,20,0,4,3,0,5,9,0,2,12,118,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602297312222097,0.0,0.0,0.0771448567076842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482726479972045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303428154466677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298352752501501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018411590442784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962217229554546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061811583696699,0.0,0.07811491748923198,0.0,0.33329878787253825,0.0,0.0,0.10432818964658186,0.4687860832689876,0.3311718456824284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153514654100793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986565562792996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925145887602828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240780250291617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647507056622204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120747180409892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061886818800865585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700511087756584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410252191326797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879367164087731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273834625900287,0.0,0.0,0.0953246692947086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776092398399893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278021314024096,0.0,0.07855564156569575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751243405530611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520990504110528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360396967633613,0.10812369116490582,0.213120499891758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281080856398168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365929357876276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xiervia,2019/03/15,"Too Tired Of Trying To Be Loved Last few days have been disgusting. I am just done. Every damn time I try it to be happy, I face with myself and it is enough to ruin everything. I am actually scared that I won't be able to take it anymore.",2.03029411764706,3.2074962941176466,4.190343137254903,87.72904411764708,76.25490196078431,7.452941176470588,20.59313725490196,8.07648339933343,0.7193490196078427,185,4,42,3,4,64,39,51,0.256,0.62,0.124,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,10,3,1,0,0,3,12,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,2,6,6,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,31,10,0,0.2610961630784556,0.0,0.25479219159025035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589372351419257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838542523895786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671920254808609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697821318638541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998477837877425,0.0,0.234656395797133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779417206604405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128282209496138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23564948105310896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614028078354544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631182081658102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224727237077118,0.3000916306614851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35453431185600703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManIdontLikeAnything,2019/03/15,"I want to kill myself so badly right now I can't stand it, I hate waking up, I hate being alive, I just want to die so badly, why can't I just end it and not have it be so terrible? I never asked for anyone to talk to me, I'm shy because I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want connections, I don't want a reason to stay here I'm so done, just let me fucking hang myself, jump off something, fuck it I'll take my shitty civic to a wall, just please stop everything, just slit my fucking wrists already, stop fucking telling yourself your going to do it and just fucking do. ",2.357404444444441,3.0952590160000035,4.081066666666668,90.54097777777781,74.84,6.5155555555555535,23.488888888888887,6.42735559955562,0.4884222222222223,447,12,102,3,9,151,66,125,0.241,0.631,0.128,-0.966,0,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,0,1,0,0,12,11,8,0,2,0,12,7,2,1,1,18,29,6,2,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,7,11,0,0,1,0,17,0,12,25,0,14,0,0,0,5,5,4,5,0,5,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208793168517342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006152566651526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037158353939595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501552259249915,0.0784898346800176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336307361659243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317643946179357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404159285612026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157196135617854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951746410399373,0.0,0.0,0.07317628124227472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25424423179354944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142451927539262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166403522097922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930630081662033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133789415120745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323849266191412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995884277664716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912439212991396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723916366789915,0.0,0.2152953263914932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681018054221203,0.2069820096538096,0.112540386568146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37972476206801065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618429440539875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrodieSkiddlzMusic,2019/03/15,Loss. I wrote quite a lot to post here. But now I feel like I can’t post it. I’m missing a lot. They are missing from me. But I’m unwanted. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. ,-4.157142857142855,-2.8683182727272687,-0.2658441558441531,108.16409090909092,106.72727272727272,3.4233766233766234,13.103896103896105,5.288315135182226,-1.5469831168831174,132,3,41,1,7,48,29,44,0.226,0.7090000000000001,0.066,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,13,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,2,11,2,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150358673301168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646179381918833,0.23258722205778604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892471838013094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905702195122787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535758216431123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6236119915539866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34628369428158323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,durst_mcgee,2019/03/15,"I know I’m going to end my life Does anyone here want to end their life but don’t have the guts to do it? 
Being raised Christian and going towards something in between atheist/agnostic now I don’t know if I can. But, this is my life, and when I leave this world it will be by my own hand. No one can tell me what to do with myself. Might be a year? Might be a few months, maybe even 2 years, but I will end my life. It’s been nothing but a shit show and I’ve had enough. It’s nothing but a rollercoaster where I do better for a while, then I sink down to the depths of the ocean. And if god wants to send me to hell for taking my life, fuck him, he’s a bastard anyway",1.0307207207207227,2.141333513513516,2.614594594594596,98.28423423423423,78.72972972972974,5.473873873873874,19.09009009009009,5.46131890053228,-0.5473261261261261,512,10,130,2,12,168,88,148,0.134,0.762,0.104,-0.7596,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,4,0,9,0,19,9,3,0,0,18,28,14,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,4,0,1,2,1,17,1,16,18,3,19,2,0,0,1,5,6,4,4,10,92,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105573518460564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353560194507655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212961282280644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011886103075495,0.15600978080958058,0.0,0.09972539262695104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958491292462552,0.0,0.0,0.17161861647034496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595685187469336,0.0,0.0,0.15987327688532674,0.0,0.0,0.5332323985583591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168658817239153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203463822359425,0.0,0.0,0.1205162658214418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897519157970405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231259938012842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498583519362555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623705623600344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352332315092015,0.0,0.13196916481665294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811191604526294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944611664793223
suicidewatch,closetbambi,2019/03/15,"What is the point when you are alone? I have no friends. Those I had dissapeared from my life one after the other, my phone has stopped ringing for a long time, and the only people I talk to are my collegues. We talk about nothing but work, and I am well aware that as soon as we stop working together I will lose them aswell. I am invisible to women, suffering so many rejections I would actually be surprised if someone were to be attracted to me. I want to drop out of college because I am already two years late and I can't even study for five minutes without suicidal thoughts creeping in. Those that were my friends have already graduated and move on, meaning that even if I get my degree I'll probably have no one to cheer me up for it. Killing myself is the first thing I think about every morning after waking up and every day it becomes a little bit more convincing as an idea.",6.299482758620691,6.2547273390804605,6.6580689655172405,78.31882758620691,65.83908045977012,9.488735632183909,35.79080459770115,9.120678840339163,3.1057742528735637,703,32,135,11,10,228,116,174,0.156,0.6970000000000001,0.147,-0.2236,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,2,1,1,4,8,11,1,0,7,0,19,2,1,0,0,20,24,13,2,4,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,10,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,4,1,5,4,1,24,7,24,16,2,21,0,3,0,0,10,7,0,2,12,106,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.13830421904356965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678548629098356,0.3127965278435451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639490865882335,0.1565253309153899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472818291558862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140160297159032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721749082784134,0.0,0.23882068587154706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055213926318642,0.0,0.0,0.21899445024432196,0.0,0.07404603219537928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999150400071907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679891948047486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987320202412894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010532829853007,0.0,0.1420467743824044,0.0,0.12542312928023222,0.0,0.15855524193569007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368800988652514,0.0,0.1543812598094831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506324038560564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599000517602775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207453218735376,0.10778907742907906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825502542768563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397696442609128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280469515274048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008405565035005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236978713665198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502533875464436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278281243802024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415651628202083,0.09081235545418044,0.0,0.11251468404478736,0.08264162247411222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844579576094246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359371953859199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742877501120298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661889269737096,0.0,0.20635656210039524,0.0,0.0,0.10067814760660136,0.0,0.0,0.091266954916643
suicidewatch,AnxiousButterfly3,2019/03/15,I just got hospitalized and I really need someone to talk to. It's all in the title.,0.33999999999999986,2.4711741111111145,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,85.66666666666667,8.044444444444443,20.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.6775777777777776,66,2,14,2,2,25,16,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464569904463917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307032038635111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721162727565485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921640770562434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4668763806975504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CharlieChucky1,2019/03/15,"I don't know what direction this country is headed I fear that racism will prevail in the 2020 elections regardless of how hard I try to change it. I feel so helpless in trying to reunite this country. Things have changed so dramatically since Trump became president.  I don't want to live anymore in a country where people are willing to fight and bleed over a candidate. I see no way out of this future except suicide. I want to make a change but I feel that my insignificance is too great to bear. I just wish more people were open minded and fleshed out their opinions properly instead of slandering other parties/candidates. Why do we have to be so divided? Why is racism prevailing in 2019? Why haven't we grown as a society/race? 

I don't see a way to fix this, I feel so helpless in trying to right the ship that is America. I love this country and I'd die for it, given the opportunity, but the division is really difficult to bear lately as the race for the 2020 election ramps up. 

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suicidewatch,jfr37801,2019/03/15,"My suicide is inevitable I am 18 years old with a strong desire to kill myself. I am turning 19 in a few weeks. It’s almost like my suicide is bound to happen. I find myself feeling depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts most days. I have no irl friends. I’m not worthy of anyone’s time. I’m a pathetic human being that wallows in self pity with no intent to change myself. 

The only thing I am worthy of is a 12 gauge buckshot shell to the roof of my mouth. I’m going to kill myself before I graduate college. I do not want to be alive to see myself spiral into a life of loneliness, self-loathing and misery. I’d rather be dead. ",1.5136523781561948,3.615464381679388,3.4728244274809192,88.11226658837349,80.7557251908397,5.252143276570758,22.290663534938346,6.297961479604792,0.5385638285378747,498,16,98,4,13,168,82,131,0.338,0.565,0.097,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,5,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,0,8,0,11,2,1,1,0,16,21,1,6,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,2,15,3,18,17,2,10,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,2,6,63,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865973396840084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777116278988192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433227300611008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817810567145426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108624329795193,0.0,0.14506973240827215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516398508693698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394326348152573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301296947387788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572345562042248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489433455443035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726888148005676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896809073179432,0.08228708240554844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767404386243205,0.0,0.0,0.12809968221908702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922213063705273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342180322296888,0.0,0.3514214023134028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527098970702989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118983490931082,0.0,0.0,0.13371573089677372,0.09821371357379828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320501508279047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934521348372033,0.0,0.13510552285918107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084643101210148
suicidewatch,doneat52,2019/03/15,"Tired of being in this place So I have failed at yet another thing.  Feel like shit again, running all my failures through me head, I failed my parents, at high school, at college, at work, marriage, parent.  Really just kinda of unnecessary person that’s family would be better off without.  So sitting one my bed again review my notes, have the Transfer on Death Deed done, so now I sit and try and figure out... why not, the shot gun is in my hands. Have dry fired it to my a head a few times. Shell is next to me... do I send the notes... once those go out kinda committed to it.  Try and call my kid one last time... I have already told him I love him and am so proud of him... what else is there to really say....texted my Therpist I am not having a good night... she is not responding.... so yeah why not tonight? As they say it is a good day to die...",0.2920520231213857,2.496763566473991,1.9025751445086705,96.82866040462429,86.74566473988439,5.07849710982659,17.898554913294802,6.508806274219699,-0.22478936416184947,639,16,147,7,20,207,110,173,0.15,0.745,0.105,-0.8647,2,0,0,1,0,0,46.0,0,0,1,5,11,9,1,0,7,1,17,6,4,0,2,19,21,10,2,1,6,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,2,4,22,6,21,16,2,28,0,2,0,1,16,12,1,2,12,98,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872438076830245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082247596812048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720947251984988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468705818266519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276102220771686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149276969535633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719210628937915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015483935194547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355938815811134,0.0,0.07272678530529933,0.10275502869945806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174416918702454,0.2412822474483572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952303325230588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196850377770074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724389626904852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027002047166687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981578847565872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296907641040233,0.13497845275465953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531785013956622,0.1949312634189346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31942124082100204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559028908177433,0.15027590239554134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842874696712484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22876511828654003,0.0,0.1455676732743836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764352019874508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555690944011704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774150842815347,0.16531600865476587,0.0,0.13743953797680403,0.0,0.19530767065381333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25957560175285976,0.0,0.0,0.13865083026425193,0.0,0.10471285523106516,0.0,0.0,0.10217553721536504,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hitherekate,2019/03/15,"When my grandma goes I’m going too I can’t do this anymore. I genuinely get no enjoyment from anything. I can’t ever sleep, so my anxious thoughts just race non stop. I haven’t stopped self harming. My boyfriend broke up with me, and then admitted he had been cheating. My best friend still hasn’t spoken to me since my attempt about a month ago. I’ve had to listen to everyone argue about what to do with me this summer since my mom moved in with my grandparents and so I don’t have a home to go to. I don’t know if I can go back to school in the fall anyway and I’m broke. So since I’m such a burden, I’ll just go. I’m just broken. I can’t do this anymore. ",0.1820833333333347,2.104989152777776,2.1665000000000028,96.62850000000002,84.55555555555556,5.228888888888889,20.71111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.07268944444444436,514,16,122,5,15,171,80,144,0.202,0.713,0.084,-0.9369,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,15,9,2,0,4,0,15,1,1,0,1,16,28,9,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,2,3,0,0,6,8,6,0,0,4,1,18,3,16,24,1,19,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,1,10,77,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220686965973346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397872843683428,0.3405721149899644,0.0,0.0,0.14129927848255872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320311944787257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019468879374054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553177653160468,0.0,0.16407229125499495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265950834783585,0.0,0.08970921605719298,0.0,0.3903375501019115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223496054276227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436504080340727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109980804880756,0.1370539656934625,0.1824961373633276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377548002829804,0.0,0.0,0.17912664187596225,0.0,0.0,0.4261105430047813,0.0,0.17182984688143702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371245080014286,0.2871075464118327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631525959348448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,remi335,2019/03/15,"lows and highs getting too extreme even for me background: i have generalized anxiety disorder and docs r thinking also bipolar but not sure yet what specific features and stuff all i know is what i feel i guess 

today i went to the gym, i studied for a few hours at the local starbucks, i went to my allergy testing appointment, but once i got home around 4 i just couldn’t move i sat in bed staring at my laptop doing things but i don’t remember anything aside from a few random youtube videos, i’m getting increasingly stressed about tomorrow and the next week. my 19th birthday is coming up and i have way too many things to do and people to see and it really drives me up the fucking wall when i can contain my anxiety, and only recently the bipolar swings started becoming evident so i just am having a difficult time with coping with the highs and then having to catch myself when i spiral out of no where. it’s getting really tough and i feel like i want to give up. i tried to kill myself a few years ago but failed miserably, i think i really just needed some support back then but now i don’t know. i have some support and people around me but this feels like it’s just something wrong with me alone. ",6.1427854154214,6.231472761506279,6.620158398087269,78.00540794979081,66.15481171548117,9.841123729826661,32.97101016138673,9.606745405546679,2.9950332337118954,966,38,183,18,14,315,139,239,0.174,0.765,0.062,-0.9781,0,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,18,14,2,2,10,0,14,3,0,0,2,48,39,23,1,3,11,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,9,18,0,1,8,2,0,7,5,9,0,0,4,5,32,5,24,34,7,40,0,3,2,1,1,15,1,4,19,131,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684188981666666,0.0,0.0,0.12483193226148225,0.0,0.09638718144976592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440906164394927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991852862919885,0.21459313623767345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267953781846146,0.0,0.0,0.1331150647094751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382525900424264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813693940567218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960841948248304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828296001122809,0.17221221156949215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142733068093606,0.1889146435824336,0.11562261987627435,0.0,0.0,0.09639823555045346,0.0,0.1327765351065154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25469149739629826,0.12090064474767917,0.0,0.11869701249582815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334773477847975,0.0,0.1324794250693422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776898693545948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219772111109385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810349653553252,0.0,0.08937089660657191,0.0,0.0,0.12818420316648188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835969598822494,0.0,0.09166791044640893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711958366543875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316423326306665,0.0,0.11900807357992238,0.0,0.13653612148761646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604619110359593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278928955295952,0.0,0.0,0.0853112091463493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806582540230494,0.0,0.13797713164765074,0.0,0.27355028306843704,0.11359737259293165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014852911539335,0.15446052727705195,0.0,0.0,0.07028156311187735,0.0,0.1142476166482404,0.0,0.0,0.08183143522385243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109126248517836,0.09567049236666232,0.09668127785898056,0.0,0.0,0.22346360693602696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177979168789505,0.0,0.07761687222455291
suicidewatch,fakulel,2019/03/15,"In the wise words of lund - broken “see im an waste if life i should just kill myself”. i just can’t take it anymore, i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, and me neign an minor i gotta pretend im ok, my mom says that depression is an myth and mental illness dont exist, my dad abused me until he and my mom separated, the only 2 persons i love are back on my old town, but i can’t go back, thinking of just locking myself on my room and waiting, if it gets too painful i jump out the window.",0.6188888888888897,1.7686371851851883,3.184444444444445,93.605,79.92592592592592,5.540740740740741,21.259259259259263,5.82211442006289,-0.03434074074074056,368,10,90,2,9,129,71,108,0.174,0.7659999999999999,0.06,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,1,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,6,1,8,6,1,0,0,15,16,8,1,3,6,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,1,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,2,17,3,7,14,0,12,0,1,1,1,7,6,0,2,4,54,20,0,0.0,0.21987973122643992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404363288430914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853962449231693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983816644962415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174961794574317,0.0,0.0,0.1898927506937631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969569104438025,0.0,0.10546832463666864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009124390201835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053146987490048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107931732490202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749150255097536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701910076051212,0.0,0.0,0.4346937123343803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947330237551528,0.0,0.0,0.14114052593034804,0.197468208387386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203965997604358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147579172930297,0.0,0.0,0.14788173811263414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571214650938825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953165392151493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891096867593115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,benjjisans,2019/03/15,Just sitting in my car and I'm thinking about actually doing it I hate myself and dont want to exist anymore. I'm just a burden on everyone and I'm a useless piece of shit,-0.6492105263157875,1.504543026315794,3.2108421052631577,85.57889473684213,92.42105263157896,5.145263157894737,23.389473684210525,6.742157984588678,1.0525621052631582,137,6,28,2,5,51,29,38,0.354,0.6459999999999999,0.0,-0.922,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,8,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.3685929357573726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745893274129348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426762626939445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609205012578245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729129173814152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877164759284499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420229327158384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278463165249807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LinkFrost,2019/03/15,What’re the pros and cons of leaving a note behind? I’m sure someone here has weighed it all out. Thoughts?,0.4343939393939422,2.8821730454545467,0.6790909090909096,103.25530303030304,91.27272727272728,2.9333333333333336,25.51515151515152,3.1291,-0.11477575757575707,85,4,19,0,3,25,22,22,0.0,0.871,0.129,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5778569646805233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624014130787612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143509130916913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332544284305938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,needsoftballplayers,2019/03/15,What's so wrong with wanting to die? I just want to die. I just want to kill myself but i don't have the balls to do it. i hate myself. I hate my life and i only have myself to blame. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I just be fucking normal?,-3.402380952380952,-1.924334968253968,0.3527142857142849,103.75478571428572,105.03174603174602,2.52,9.474603174603176,3.1291,-2.212751111111111,199,2,54,0,10,72,32,63,0.405,0.562,0.033,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,0,11,16,3,3,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,6,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923299102773712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473885141860707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120713769547724,0.0,0.3732210848717077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911413629018336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350499693844556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37038390040561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375239257247785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344531043679782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116626807673004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665530888164532,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,therococobang_,2019/03/15,"Nobody deserves to have to put up with me Taking care of oneself is already a struggle enough, if I can’t take care of myself I shouldn’t put that burdened energy on someone else ",6.41,6.074862222222228,6.835555555555558,78.11500000000002,65.66666666666667,8.311111111111114,34.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,2.4721000000000006,144,6,26,1,2,47,30,36,0.127,0.6579999999999999,0.215,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,7,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825308176295224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220706972543437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138766888862762,0.0,0.0,0.2645430734745736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147532527011747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692981479725587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26765373717426705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849990514895637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miki77miki,2019/03/15,"Friend is telling me he wants to kill himself on the 25th and I feel helpless He's been talking about depression and suicide for a while, i'm one of his close friends so he confided in me and my girlfriend about how he plans to kill himself on the 25th and I don't know what to do. I try to explain the value in life to him but he just thinks he's worthless? Any help?? Thanks",-0.0030000000000001137,2.256234700000004,1.2475000000000025,100.3675,89.5,4.2,23.0,5.6839178017228535,0.07147499999999997,296,12,69,2,10,93,54,80,0.188,0.667,0.145,-0.6046,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,13,11,8,3,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,10,3,13,10,0,6,0,3,0,0,17,5,0,0,1,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484822840427344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214543072429507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000597027641025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972955753307732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233995892338802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689232476598255,0.0,0.1413046589875787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816091866970571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742289854528914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812440273379547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066607296467558,0.22473140000718844,0.2367185877765454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475005173445836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745654171237266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516541394591131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AuthorHelpMath,2019/03/15,I’m giving myself until March 31st I’m a top university student and my whole life I have gone without friends/girlfriends/really anybody. I’ve tried everything to improve myself and nothing else works. So as of tonight I am giving myself until the end of the month. If I don’t have a girlfriend or a friend or anybody I can rely on somewhat I will hang myself in my room. I’m sorry for putting this out there I just want this to hold me accountable so I do not bitch out. ,3.017500000000002,4.763005750000001,4.331666666666667,85.38000000000002,74.83333333333334,6.466666666666668,27.625,7.1686216300943375,1.47765,376,15,73,4,8,124,65,96,0.015,0.792,0.193,0.9329,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,14,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,14,1,13,12,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,4,6,53,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011796742702808,0.0,0.2333801691866457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681415100309494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035771610516382,0.0,0.0,0.5055407456812412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611575333001265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032082505225785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528325183971288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648873056270333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949633657493065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788971951487559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541738237135672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941850374218782,0.0,0.25400174561793754,0.0,0.1918289848437096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlmondRockets421,2019/03/15,I’m planning Hey how much sleeping pills dose it take to have a overdose. I tried like 20 once and woke up. Plz help,-1.1605999999999987,0.8678888400000027,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,100.6,2.5,18.25,3.1291,-1.1512000000000002,91,3,22,0,4,28,24,25,0.0,0.745,0.255,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31989874398210394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331661681811657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35084257838615057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082685899111234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776068007585895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588417240691392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240296564386253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reignwoman,2019/03/15,"Co-depency, cancer and killing myself I've struggled my whole life. I grew up in poverty, a stressful life full of constant bad things happening to me with nothing to look forward to. My biological father molested me at 4 years old for awhile and it's really made me afraid/paranoid of people in general, but especially men and my surrogate father/stepdad who raised me since I was 6mo abandoned me at 12. We were almost homeless a lot during my childhood and things were really unstable. My sister got in a car accident when I was 15 and almost died and has made our lives hell since then (shes mentally disabled and has violent outbursts and temper tantrums all the time).

 I broke my leg when I was 10 but never went to the doctor because my family didn't have insurance so it grew back crooked and it causes me constant pain- I can pinpoint exactly where the bones are wrong and I can't bare my full weight on it longer than a few seconds without extreme pain. 

The only person who's been there for me my whole life had been my mom. Theres no one I love or trust more and I'm pretty sure shes dying of lung cancer. (Shes a smoker, in pain and has symptoms) I've been harassing her to go to the doctor because I'm so fucking scared and the anxiety is eating me alive but it's a struggle. Shes my best friend, one of the few people I can be happy and feel safe around and all I have and if she dies my life will literally fall apart- I will very likely end up homeless.

 I'm so stressed out and it's so overwhelming that I want to crawl under my covers, never wake up and die. I can't imagine life without her. I know that sounds sad but shes the only person who hasn't hurt me and the only person I feel 100% safe and comfortable with. 

I've thought about killing myself a lot if she dies, especially lately but I havent really thought out how and I dont really have anything to do it with. I  definitely won't do it unless she dies. I've battled depression for 10 years and shes my rock, I know I can get through it if I have her comfort. But if I dont have her, i have no one. I'm mostly posting this to get my feelings out because I'm already bawling writing this, I can't actually talk about it with anyone.

I know this is really disjointed but I feel so shitty, Im going to crawl into bed and try to sleep off these feelings.",2.9457872852609697,4.3909813492723515,4.581090381879856,84.76353621840464,74.38461538461539,7.4748003063792545,26.587208666156034,8.119692808369301,1.6516910602910606,1843,67,377,29,38,621,223,481,0.241,0.65,0.109,-0.9974,0,0,1,0,0,2,40.0,2,0,0,1,15,37,10,6,16,0,44,22,5,4,6,80,72,45,8,5,15,3,6,1,1,3,13,1,1,4,21,33,2,3,11,1,0,8,15,26,0,4,16,8,67,11,46,52,13,45,1,6,1,2,29,22,2,10,17,257,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.06868175516419897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095291616653075,0.0,0.07766724214969195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053841312923302624,0.0,0.0,0.049212068716612566,0.0,0.057917609785847875,0.0626540588426913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054118685413684725,0.05876523945797139,0.12871091001358415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386057298464115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230072881079072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521138299874047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060619097840730815,0.0,0.43826652783306463,0.0,0.0,0.1440759801448984,0.0,0.0,0.1649721399509485,0.0,0.0,0.07201738789451559,0.0,0.0,0.06233672277754122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634899303938624,0.0,0.17793387561929472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054376226979961376,0.06506614941714764,0.07354239067025609,0.0,0.07999834873310023,0.0,0.05629015753626332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223773275369378,0.07492193967629825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534437291965175,0.0,0.07602361471717092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573241470495308,0.0,0.11603875835824548,0.0,0.07939289339596088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485610958356036,0.0343846274240855,0.0,0.06214775926242318,0.0,0.059102358620493387,0.0,0.0,0.11967090886447646,0.06352164821553148,0.1331925082313109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092754764964107,0.0,0.0,0.08242943867556564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856441389553173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753251856572592,0.0,0.0738530757830945,0.0,0.14307606901869754,0.16058388695344214,0.22467120795785853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758672073410203,0.1843620623350119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740559367869597,0.07160283337250856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254395238908567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046371215277003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643986872130638,0.0,0.07043188138055129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124251689653288,0.1471551159749422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633330955124153,0.07315286251767572,0.0,0.056569624435210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351608856355192,0.0,0.0,0.11174938892510364,0.04103975800876367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047784115070843874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580717396464179,0.04151256858480655,0.0,0.0,0.08570516181931229,0.0,0.06524394127248842,0.0,0.1571558645019404,0.0,0.13568964712622153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695063288088037,0.0,0.09064618123026533
suicidewatch,PMMEYOUR_LARGEBOOBS,2019/03/15,"The hardest part for me isn’t that people don’t love me.. it’s that they do I can’t undo my past. I can’t get rid of my demons. Everyday I want to die, but I know that if I do it, my pain won’t disappear, it will just pass on to those who love me tenfold. I can’t stop suffering, and I know that if my circumstances get worse I don’t know what I will do.. I didn’t ask for this.. I’m so sorry",-1.2217204301075275,0.11349951612903375,1.8894623655913991,99.9208602150538,86.09677419354837,5.853763440860216,16.78494623655914,6.937597516519254,-0.43178279569892464,297,6,84,4,9,106,52,93,0.236,0.6629999999999999,0.101,-0.9171,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,0,0,11,23,5,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,1,0,18,2,6,19,1,6,1,1,0,2,5,1,0,2,3,56,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333165466439432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590167959160987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607826039958319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114754673231646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504977518619957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26556267806977,0.0,0.0,0.2702626377093459,0.23824513884372145,0.17302210953787958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793759198266003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865373946751967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720429449514552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543356434316103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Taco__Hell,2019/03/16,"I'm on vacation right now, and I want to go out to a sketch area, look vulnerable, get mugged, and get shot/stabbed Great way to go if you ask me",10.9078125,3.6703266562500048,10.53375,76.53625000000002,63.6875,15.3,41.375,11.20814326018867,3.8350875,111,3,30,2,1,37,26,32,0.059,0.774,0.16699999999999998,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,8,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35626571515918953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982053662719194,0.0,0.43316203713373225,0.0,0.0,0.4201507217859394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320017831178916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254469585595988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477549923987947,0.3024898128476055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon140103,2019/03/16,"someone help me i’m a 16 year old freshmen, i have an amazing group of friends that love me and i try and see them as much as possible, and they are my favourite people to see.  My family can piss me off sometimes but most of the time they are great. i try and see my friends as much as possible because when i’m alome at home i just always feel on the verge of crying and i always think about wanting to die. it’s not that i want to kill my self i’m just waiting for something to kill me. i always have girl troubles and no one has ever showed interest in me. all of my friends have someone and i just want somebody to call my own. i don’t see a point in living it’s just you go through school and find a job and then get married and die. why go through the troubles of all that when i could just end it now. someone help me i don’t want to kill myself i just want to die. it may change in the near future and i’ll do it.",0.875962596259626,2.40415776237624,2.3975577557755763,97.86127612761278,80.2871287128713,5.280968096809682,22.60836083608361,5.82211442006289,0.028385258525852382,716,23,175,4,18,233,101,202,0.238,0.637,0.125,-0.9841,2,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,0,1,3,0,11,13,4,0,8,0,12,2,1,0,3,34,31,19,6,6,8,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,8,11,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,6,0,1,0,5,29,7,27,29,6,21,0,0,4,1,14,9,1,2,10,116,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610449379984708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374809736039108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678301508143108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106267406684976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349482198703867,0.0,0.11487099370794468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255977750816241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262262551786027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945942941312653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858423192545936,0.0,0.05287638487907536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557987735168373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423837194624072,0.0,0.054636248163445617,0.0,0.1188650408074179,0.0,0.0,0.11529457433716235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018916175468313,0.0,0.10489749504260773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377479222473264,0.0,0.34709103604189984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923418552733324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943832394901607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374967203546655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973412583800783,0.0,0.07086289092962945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249930608581202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885740612345524,0.2357857470088431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058357286891786,0.3333317163420407,0.0,0.10909478522229277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658187915190532,0.08050713096859234,0.10342758908174232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700759300389983,0.0,0.0,0.06097866503111759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141999450683464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30840593818482803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436289096158966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734302770998289
suicidewatch,Zeros_Deathwolf,2019/03/16,Go help them. Read the comments from [OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/javahelp/comments/b1xv9k/im_a_full_noob_i_need_help_i_do_not_know_java/) and you'll understand. ,22.439411764705877,30.17826264705883,8.548529411764708,48.913382352941206,40.17647058823529,10.458823529411768,43.79411764705883,10.125756701596842,6.422670588235295,143,6,11,3,2,30,16,17,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33625870993113244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965827661165013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5918283787140958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6159475300408955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Grenadine808,2019/03/16,"Mental health system I’m becoming trapped in the mental health system. It’s taken away my only *very respectable and lucrative* job prospect. I’ve been stuck with months and months of idle time, alone. I’ve started drinking a fifth every single day for the past month (never used to drink) and this has led to me making a lot of poor decisions. I totaled my car drunk driving, spent nearly $2k on hookers, had police called on me for being belligerent in public at 10 am on a weekday, drove a motorcycle with no license drunk and got pulled over for speeding, bought steroids online. My life is over and I’m only in my mid twenties. My best hope for life is working a menial job and living in a shitty apartment. I’ll never find friends or a spouse. I’ll most likely end up living off of disability by the time I’m forty. I may become a homeless alcoholic. I have become so reckless and have no regard for my own well being. If I continue at this pace I will be lucky to be alive in my thirties. I’ll definitely blow through the rest of my couple hundred grand inheritance pretty quickly.  Since I am unfit to work, I have no way to escape from this inevitable fate. Maybe I’ll try to get my hands on meth or a shit load of cocaine. ",3.4713934426229467,5.245217614754104,4.49832786885246,84.5413442622951,73.672131147541,6.519344262295082,26.1344262295082,7.1686216300943375,1.2858645901639347,974,34,185,10,20,317,151,244,0.136,0.747,0.117,-0.5920000000000001,3,2,5,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,3,9,1,0,13,0,16,11,2,3,3,25,30,11,0,2,3,1,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,4,9,5,0,2,4,4,5,5,1,1,0,8,1,18,8,38,16,7,41,0,0,0,0,4,19,1,8,15,114,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960416040232034,0.0,0.12560245252767696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394015567827467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018101368695092,0.0,0.0,0.12726873273536454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383348788874808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418647997105398,0.0,0.07821117597031757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376031173735727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741205206224344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217789448319184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084150017127548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369536708182967,0.0,0.06336023730061552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699324992515247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578154635893067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204516430105598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406898600178869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713176835543308,0.059247955722615424,0.0,0.21417290021066687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310213081909264,0.0,0.0,0.0809507971663279,0.0,0.12183522129474372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444297069635267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903973138208668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870667233994388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844674541452893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576898383220033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337843446564632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448518854485575,0.10031843738278627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583778928005377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143074667529285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233653658781838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474110008999188,0.0,0.10006308391453296,0.0,0.0962610147747504,0.0,0.0,0.10903916366960184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657665583917892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DannicaK123,2019/03/16,"People just say I'm an ugly troll. I want to die. I serve no purpose. No one likes me. I'm an autistic retard. People hate me. I can never do the right thing. I can never say the right thing. My family hates me. They don't even care about me. They used to hit me and scream at me and tell me what a terrible fucking ugly piece of shit I was.   


Today I tried to learn something new. A programming language. I watched a video, I copied what the guy did. I did everything the exact same as him. His worked. Mine didn't. I asked for help in /JavaHelp. User "" [Zeros\_Deathwolf](https://www.reddit.com/user/Zeros_Deathwolf) "" Called me a troll because I broke down and got upset after everyone down voted me for explaining what happened. I don't know what I did that was so fucking bad and horrible. I speak the only way I know how and I don't feel like speaking anymore. In life. Online. To so called friends. Everyone hurts me. No one cares about me. If I don't reach out to people... they don't contact me. I literally serve no purpose to anyone. I am not wanted by anyone. I feel ugly and useless. I feel worthless. I want to die so much. I wish I could just end my life. I don't wanna feel pain and hurt anymore.   


I don't want people to say lies about me "" [Zeros\_Deathwolf](https://www.reddit.com/user/Zeros_Deathwolf)Score hidden · [12 minutes ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/javahelp/comments/b1xv9k/im_a_full_noob_i_need_help_i_do_not_know_java/eipi3gu/)

Yeah, troll post. Alright then, reported.""  


I am not a troll. I might look like one and people might think I'm one because of my autism but I'm not and it hurts. I only say what I mean and I mean what I say. I'm so scared of everyone now. I don't wanna exist anymore. I wish I could die. I wish I could just stop hurting. I wish people could just stop being mean.   


Goodbye.   


​",1.5125398363479758,4.219288654069771,2.261886304909563,90.19232988802759,94.1453488372093,4.52489233419466,19.161068044788976,6.334428289652162,0.2387596468561588,1443,44,270,17,54,448,156,344,0.233,0.6829999999999999,0.085,-0.9903,0,2,1,0,1,3,100.0,0,0,3,1,14,25,5,2,12,2,26,6,1,2,3,56,62,19,3,15,9,0,4,3,1,2,3,8,0,1,10,11,0,2,12,1,0,0,18,18,0,4,7,14,60,7,27,47,3,20,0,7,2,2,21,8,3,3,13,175,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622093456323355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603879065983203,0.08527502458662746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087957836086212,0.09814141379016876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560778236766092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859643612356665,0.08556079168095193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433209724957699,0.0,0.1431040972617858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412851100744927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185038029295732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062157660346114585,0.0,0.0,0.046352490500942034,0.0,0.0,0.2011767911301726,0.06307225508707084,0.0,0.0661584053490654,0.0,0.14193820800340975,0.05013580820228168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422003109764677,0.1297584933982995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056128463882431034,0.0,0.0,0.06948812790651085,0.06205895467142069,0.0,0.0,0.13857423602211782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047039426122043135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005117838897998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713695777427353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913884132371377,0.1028575724223357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589325869102384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933613244788864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488974096612354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051589554060223836,0.0,0.10825256227657648,0.06777920273632962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022011008307368,0.10674840615679676,0.07467527973643166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919192077194103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672119708997293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986476565590777,0.0,0.27904532359511525,0.07026130491890809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203761513846985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402713294087076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734537756616514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133943720295769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324746330624643,0.044967794675005765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665213755010936,0.0,0.0,0.04764685505063572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061202256800202,0.0,0.0,0.16557329440609195,0.05570473095024755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228090091263632,0.0,0.0,0.051091062818278014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527502458662746,0.0
suicidewatch,TH3_CYN1C,2019/03/16,"I feel like I'm losing grip I used to be so different in the past; I somehow had hope despite all the shit I have been through. But now, I'm tired. I'm so tired. I didn't sign up for this, and I know that no one does. And I hate to admit that I cant handle it. I just want to be wiped out. If it wont get any better what's the point? I just think I'll always live with regrets. I cant accept the things that have happened and nothing helps. The older I get the less fight I have. The more I just want to end it. I'm worried I will. And if it happens I dont want anyone to know. I dont want to be claimed. I don't want a funeral, I dont want a grave. I dont want anything. I want to be unknown so that it doesnt effect anyone. They dont worry now so why should they when I no longer breathe? I hate hypocrisy. I hate everyone and everything. ",-1.1095089285714297,0.6238390312500037,1.4965476190476181,100.6175,88.375,4.490476190476191,17.99702380952381,5.622346879071545,-0.6560538690476192,642,17,168,4,21,220,94,192,0.204,0.644,0.152,-0.9407,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,2,3,11,12,5,0,9,0,22,4,2,2,1,35,48,13,2,13,6,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,13,8,0,1,3,2,26,4,13,38,3,10,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,4,7,107,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309619549155957,0.0,0.0,0.06791204579766916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965672629071316,0.0,0.08218089574584389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832302495381639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043383170633584,0.0,0.0,0.08739307660654241,0.0,0.5852088114654227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845129719027979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542587907887176,0.08975277943382833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049505784507107,0.07134401852453387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435132877408956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662167502426135,0.0,0.0,0.29578987203806073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693781967359923,0.0,0.0,0.09918909348096842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976706553069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878929728016724,0.0,0.08818317164101933,0.0,0.0,0.11172408358377237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582375530041813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767152831540503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533303384265288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440528984788732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251062330871807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663462801142585,0.0639898565782977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22956167757714466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625183109552831,0.0,0.0,0.4712266384782735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901131884948358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283676838853384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,d_e_g_e_n_e_r_a_t_e,2019/03/16,I don't know who i am I am so scared about my future. My family ,-4.633333333333333,-3.7088660000000004,0.5025000000000013,100.95916666666668,115.25,4.633333333333333,5.333333333333333,6.42735559955562,-1.6351416666666667,48,0,14,1,3,19,12,16,0.254,0.746,0.0,-0.5777,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6365767478927318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711062370926666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6760548830037655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kingrat127,2019/03/16,"Can I find a pro suicide site cause I just want to kill myself and I need advice Title is self explanatory, dont want to do it at home though cause I don't want my family to find me, looking for maybe a jump from the building, must be dead before April 12th. So yeah any help pointing me in the right direction would be appreciated.",2.38401960784314,4.24327367647059,3.927058823529413,87.09343137254903,76.94117647058823,6.886274509803924,21.62745098039216,7.793537801064563,0.8003745098039214,262,7,56,4,6,87,53,68,0.175,0.6609999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.7044,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,4,1,9,0,0,2,1,12,14,3,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,7,10,0,7,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938211539148333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348818994444312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877760922803844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075114075818101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324597209079611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869827039771184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625688117453148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329469633287613,0.0,0.1989569414946961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194401652873032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656046037842687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926494744885395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707084717861754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875008279123606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938617153535948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691785625607007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169580381851768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487367480631468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509683553938009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408991173205322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Terriblepersonbleh,2019/03/16,"Just heard my family completely bashing me outside of my room, thats nice. As the title says, I'm sick as hell. In the 101°, and this isn't the best. They were outside the room bashing me, the whole time. Just completely saying how I'm only here for a mouth to feed, and I'm not doing anything with my future. I sit on a screen all day, and my mental state is just so fucked. I don't have friends, or anything. In person, and in the internet. It's honestly amazing to see how I'm still alive. I can't work, my body gives up on me now, and I'm sure I'm not gonna make it to 20 years old. 

I honestly can't do anything, I'm tired of breathing. If they want a son who can do a better job than them, then I guess I failed more than ever. I'm not sure what I want in life. And I probably won't ever. I had an attempt on my life not too long ago, and I'm pretty sure they shrugged it off. I'm not positive on anything anymore. I'm always saying I'm probably gonna try suicide soon, but I just give up on that. I don't believe it'll get better. 

I'm honestly just want friends. I'm not even sure what to do anymore. ",1.0518292682926855,2.181989914634152,3.3574065040650396,92.89928048780487,78.71544715447155,6.546016260162602,23.27560975609757,7.1686216300943375,0.6400965853658538,853,27,207,10,20,295,123,246,0.103,0.755,0.142,0.6472,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,4,6,16,17,2,0,11,0,16,9,3,3,7,36,43,16,1,4,14,1,0,0,2,4,4,4,2,1,10,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,3,6,24,14,24,36,4,29,1,1,2,1,15,14,2,3,13,121,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673551355225793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080335629656887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645158670422754,0.0,0.0,0.3592126504968098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229500461886749,0.11452325245779135,0.1930299469579629,0.0,0.12121676468938193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22883756147448184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037862370558919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207810864199325,0.1974253044586684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287630021161537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862426375769435,0.10088720889974526,0.05701495014688435,0.2093713155239256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202169517336126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829284228112482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416086812911908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965749716920675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284388224259218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099755000192182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451162779972605,0.0,0.0,0.08299686956597126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528648440904147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102255278629024,0.2353171889981981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603492360314936,0.0,0.0,0.08696100038184937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714987524395637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936847523818404,0.0,0.4114079297856161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363349724110105,0.12542674594044945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409084512339696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309981686160665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183767345888817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944658715535256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027494560275796
suicidewatch,wdc11263,2019/03/16,"How do I reach out to the people around me for help? I am hoping this is the right place to ask this. If not please direct me to where I should, since I don't know where else to go but to the internet.

I am 15 and have been struggling with severe anxiety and depression as well as PTSD. I have had trouble with suicidal thoughts and made a couple of attempt to kill myself since I was 10. The suicidal thoughts got better for a couple of years but now it is back and they are much worse and much more frequent. I am afraid I will kill myself when I am in a low. 

I do not know how to ask for help. I don't know what I can say or do, because I don't think I can talk about it to either of my parents because there would be a negative reaction. Even if I were to talk to my parents or my grandma, who I am very close with, I have no idea what to say to them.

I'm sorry to ask this of you people, once again I don't know where else to go except the internet.

Thanks",2.7559125085440885,3.0921506507177092,4.177597402597404,91.70068181818183,73.5933014354067,7.502529049897473,24.01948051948052,7.447530270364453,0.7401958988380041,742,19,179,8,14,247,106,209,0.255,0.6659999999999999,0.078,-0.9937,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,2,2,14,11,2,2,9,0,28,0,0,3,0,35,45,16,4,5,10,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,8,0,0,2,8,7,1,0,8,2,29,4,31,33,4,18,0,2,0,0,15,10,0,5,6,136,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797657022489845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237657494535776,0.32253533909392884,0.0,0.0,0.088429796178235,0.0,0.14020886934476195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017103338786964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544960781854645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990514537740198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213960384468268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759580428928845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071710110819856,0.0,0.09197797617814664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416745501354273,0.0,0.0,0.1142233955454965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298237837677129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544663748839152,0.0,0.25280938667689545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881811213012596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908008686401116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247387094196205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25539325341343644,0.0,0.0,0.1594564568273283,0.0,0.12015309790855296,0.1262381709383032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344317262863067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821147593840676,0.0,0.1829091505516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992005022984485,0.0,0.190262453334498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873584311683736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022554514007253,0.0,0.2515880600373497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486924877964805,0.0,0.1058788178316008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736889353691382,0.0,0.1825982211162583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488907687601984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340102642428188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171973358052965,0.08169445088130776,0.0,0.0,0.07405781634618927
suicidewatch,tempdec292018,2019/03/16,"Self-Crippling State of Limbo Within the past month, my mood has deteriorated so strongly. 

I was hospitalized involuntarily as I shared my thoughts of suicide. They let me out eventually, but I still feel the same. 

I don't want to talk to anyone because I feel like my end is so resolute. I am going to kill myself. I know exactly how and where to do it, such that I will not survive.

I want to tell people that I'm sorry. I want to give people some last words (good and bad), but at the same time I don't want to feel like I did this all for attention. Also, I don't want to make them feel like they could've done something. So, instead of talking to them, I'm talking to here, if that makes sense.

I hate that I have all these friends and family members, but if I reach out to them, then they're busy. I hate that I'm alone for most moments of my life. There's no one I can rely on. They're all there for show. The only reason a few of them actually end up showing concern for me is because they don't want to be held responsible for my death. They don't want to feel guilty. As soon as I seem fine, as soon as I leave the hospital, it's business as usual.

The only barrier stopping me from killing myself is the enormous lack of energy I have when I'm in my suicidal state. It prevents me from reaching my suicide spot.

Everybody is so interested in themselves. Self-preservation at all costs. 

I worked so hard for people. I worked to help people and be a good role model. I finished a degree in engineering. I got a job in engineering. I volunteered at the local library as a tutor. I stayed away from vices. I always helped friends and family. I worked part time jobs to support my family. I always listened to people when they needed an ear to practice their voice. All that, and still my shoulder to lean on doesn't exist.

I wish I had energy. Not energy to live, but just enough so I die.",2.3579181985294158,4.226102533854167,4.117830882352944,85.65584558823531,77.046875,7.01764705882353,24.05453431372549,7.928766900206844,1.2634806372549026,1479,49,307,24,34,498,187,384,0.197,0.665,0.138,-0.9795,2,1,1,0,0,4,51.0,0,0,10,5,21,18,4,0,14,0,24,3,2,4,6,55,55,30,7,12,9,0,6,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,11,8,0,4,10,2,1,1,9,5,0,1,7,9,58,12,55,44,13,39,0,0,0,0,22,17,0,5,21,213,69,6,0.0,0.0,0.08212149320193386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715745186913021,0.0,0.06729737316259772,0.14004459384719822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058841952377346976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906480673458313,0.0,0.07026450039199571,0.1025981557637396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718957197469644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733785170951018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611805553061963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906971272263322,0.08695286684251934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799675916025315,0.0,0.21275221522993928,0.18035742861495133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003328012238605,0.0,0.0,0.08072752495523584,0.04782626649497509,0.1411676108735027,0.06730509111770086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538483811212564,0.16616794647312316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281238224869612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670183540824898,0.0,0.1862063426442533,0.0,0.04624845944844038,0.06859618103211203,0.0,0.08910620657594921,0.0,0.08605246303011765,0.05943997293933107,0.12333917241226625,0.0,0.07430891621192642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234597837549788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717037072899959,0.0,0.0,0.06239861450812261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702446208209791,0.12800477166276872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112983616138096,0.08033385840192664,0.2917065530796865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652362039883225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661001462184899,0.17558051503828986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478533089788792,0.0,0.09420274299481084,0.0,0.08969623358417624,0.1344098872569432,0.07035593692600521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761501939139637,0.09549618113890576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029177334236358,0.07355370385159997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668083296720755,0.09814094588201404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268298402247747,0.0,0.3474506260763574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967721556498242,0.0,0.0,0.18379384008195188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,friedefluff,2019/03/16,"Decaying Im going through one of the worst depressive episodes ive ever gone through (amd ive been through a ton). I dont have the guts to tell anyone. Not that they would even care if i did say something. The only reason i havent killed myself yet is because i dont have the energy to cary through. As pathetic as it sounds. 

But i have this feeling. The feeling that i can only describe as “decaying”. my souls been broken, i dont know what to do anymore . ",1.6802009456264777,3.697294797872342,3.2960992907801447,90.03388888888891,79.74468085106382,6.305437352245864,26.401891252955078,7.3871296695380915,1.3612047281323871,357,15,75,5,9,118,59,94,0.21,0.6890000000000001,0.102,-0.8927,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,6,0,16,1,1,1,1,9,22,5,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,4,4,12,1,11,17,2,6,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875882495840335,0.13308500028079925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602500458400328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405680118881788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393321523653212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6692052741612716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571290697977644,0.1721667604940936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924757930671079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817041978987303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559190153627208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057485486016408,0.0,0.1046018357652553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897431586804528,0.2895130835128708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569364339289688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136014668959974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652735730870095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635910778365925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352068393716845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BanksAegis,2019/03/16,"1 week before I am due for my deployment, my fiance (ex fiance) leaves me. I cant do it. ""Hey Scott. I don't love you anymore. He can love me more than you ever did. And the last few days I have been seeing him when you were at work so we cant be together... Bye."" 

That was that last text she sent me. I woke up to it at 9AM. She left me in the early morning and went to this guys house. I wake up, see the text, and walk out to the living room. I see our engagement ring sitting on the kitchen counter. 

In typical dumb guy fashion, I run to go see her. She was at her Moms house. I pleaded, begged her to come back. I told her I loved her. And couldn't live without her. But... She kept saying the same things over and over again. 

I come back to my apartment that night (now 3 days ago), drink profusely, put a loaded Glock 23 to my head and tried to convince myself to do it. But... Her face popped up and I put the gun down. 

I was with her for 2 years. 2 years of her telling how much she loved me. Telling me she would always fight for me. 

She is going to be the death of me. People say it gets better but... I am sorry. She was the one. She was my future wife. And boom.... Shes out of my life. And my heart has a vacancy that cant be filled. 

Sorry. ",-1.1837450980392177,0.7915421592592615,0.9240958605664495,102.58137254901962,92.22222222222223,4.065359477124183,14.607843137254903,5.5289334501034215,-1.147124183006536,933,18,239,6,34,307,149,270,0.076,0.861,0.063,-0.5129,0,0,1,1,1,0,58.0,2,3,0,2,8,9,2,0,11,0,26,11,4,1,1,25,44,15,1,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,10,15,2,1,0,1,0,11,6,2,0,1,13,8,56,7,33,26,4,47,0,0,4,4,44,17,1,0,19,160,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972429763760096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912796997396364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087935327963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687060032742748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093347143662384,0.0,0.0,0.09702127937613787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899473279454648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414956429353434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746483938873004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923048688385593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731404369107657,0.0,0.12469077528526094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724171221353145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125844797743352,0.0,0.0,0.1299957571431567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531595623980896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788412857901175,0.0,0.1161571119277216,0.11919003934247008,0.0,0.07748478871457415,0.0,0.0,0.19373530597555852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960363526911154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848003462017005,0.0,0.0,0.08064257445137954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294659599681284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433597590132629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605259395089685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055883548223776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447666445853932,0.0,0.0,0.3496687491589364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456017146823551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917663457866212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288021421253231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482363889445477,0.0,0.07447951675080458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799521643594778,0.0,0.0,0.10169356928946882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574747833108407,0.0,0.07986335435877998,0.0,0.0,0.0779281695396704,0.0,0.0,0.14128719896406328
suicidewatch,roguegosling12,2019/03/16,"My suicide note, I don't know why I'm posting this. To anyone who actually reads this, I'm going to add a little context. I've been having suicidal thoughts recently, and when I got home from work I decided to just sit down and quickly write a suicide note to see what would happen. Obviously, its way too long for me to expect random people to actually read the whole thing, however if you do you should know that I'm twenty-five and I have two older brothers named Chris and Andrew that I reference at the end. Also, I have not actually killed myself. Also Also, for anyone commenting don't feel like your comments are going to push me either closer or further from the edge, the reasons for my suicidal thoughts don't have anything to do with you guys. Thanks.

If anyone is reading this, it is because I have decided to commit suicide. I want to spend the next page going over some of the causes that made me believe this was really an option. I think the best way to do that is to clear up any reasons you might think I would kill myself. I didn’t do it because I have a drug abuse problem, I didn’t do it because I’m feeling sad, and I didn’t do it because I believe suicide is a solution to my problems. I did it because I am alone in this world. 
	My first thoughts of suicide started when I was around 10 or so. After 15 years its hard to express why I wanted to kill myself at that age, however I remember thinking that life would never get better. As I grew up I made a decision that I would give life a chance, to truly test whether or not I would always feel this way.
	Over the next 8 years of middle and high school I would never be normal, I would never be popular, I would never be well liked. However I sometimes found some comfort in that, to reject a social design that others placed on me. When growing up I had one goal, to join the military and serve my country. I didn’t see any other reasons to live. 
	I’m proud of my service, I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have given my own life. I wish my death had meant something. While in the Coast Guard I would have bouts of depression, it could be caused by being ridiculed by my supervisor. Or by not being able to make friends around the ship. However I enjoyed the work, I felt like I had a responsibility to do a good job, and it tended to snap me back fairly quickly.
	My current run in with depression began around 6 months ago, a few months after I left the Coast Guard. I believe losing that sense of purpose, losing the thing that I have wanted to do for so long was what began this spiral. I’ve thought about getting help a lot lately, what it would be like to tell people what my problems were. There were a few reasons I did not. I didn’t want to put my job or security clearance at risk. I felt that admitting to anyone my suicidal thoughts, would make my life much harder. I didn’t see how it would help me. I believe my reasons for suicide come down to very logical reasoning that would not be overturned by telling someone my problems. And I didn’t know how; after 15 years of keeping my darkest feelings to myself it became a habit that was impossible to break. 
     Before going into my reasoning for suicide, I want you to know what the cause is. After months of thinking, I believe I know why. I’m alone. While I’ve had a few good friends during my life, they never lasted. At the moment of my death I can confidently say that I no longer have any friends that I talk to with any regularity. I spend most of my time alone in my apartment, the only reasons why I leave is to get food, go to school or work, and get lunch with my grandpa. It wasn’t enough for me. 
I haven’t had a lover in over 10 years, since my girlfriend in high school, and even that only lasted several months. It brings me a lot of pain to even try counting that. While it would be easy for me to blame society from producing women who wont even give an attempt to get to know me, I know its not true. I know that I haven’t found anyone ever, because I refuse to put myself out to other people. While in the Coast Guard I would always rationalize that it would be too hard to maintain a relationship, that it would be selfish to leave someone for over 6 months every year while I was deployed. So I would tell myself that I would wait until I was out and then it would change, I would magically find happiness. However after 15 years of self-doubt and insecurities I find the concept of making the necessary changes to be the hardest thing of all. 
And my family, writing about my relationship with my family would take too long, in a note that should have ended 6 paragraphs ago. What should be said was that lying and covering up my pain was the most destructive part of my relationship with them. As the years went on, I felt more and more disconnected from them. That at the time of my death, I barely recognized the impact they’ve had on my life. I’ve always felt that the fact that none of them had ever confronted me about my suicidal thoughts meant that they didn’t care enough. To me it seemed self-evident that I would have all these troubles. I’m unsure if they really suspected, or if I was just good at putting on an act in front of them, and that I am to blame. 
Now, to why I believe that suicide was my only option. To clear up any confusion, I don’t believe that suicide is a solution. Obviously, killing myself does nothing to help me with my trust issues, or my anxiety that I get when talking to strangers. What I believed was that those problems had no solutions. That I would live the next 5 to 6 decades in the same pit. I am afraid of dying, however not killing myself doesn’t mean I wont die. I could either spend 60 years in misery, constantly becoming more and more unstable.  Or I could save myself and everyone else the trouble. It wouldn’t change the fact that I’m going to die alone, leaving no impact on this world. 
Mom: I don’t know how you feel about me. If your ashamed or indifferent. I know you tried your best. 
Dad: I’m not sure what I wanted out of you. I’m not sure if doing stupid shit like going to my little league games would have changed anything. 
Jimmie: I know that I didn’t make things easy for you. I blamed you for all of my problems, a part of me still does. 
Grandpa: I appreciate the time you spent with me near the end. I don’t know if the suspicion that I was your only choice made the pain worse.
Andrew: I regret the deterioration of our relationship. I wanted to live your life, but I kept coming up short. 
Chris: you should know that as I write this I’m debating within my own head whether or not I should send this to you before I kill myself. I don’t want to die. I think that you might be the only one who can stop me. I cant stop crying as I write this part. Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time looking up to you. I don’t know what I would want you to do. I know I wouldn’t want you to tell anybody, and I know that that’s a lot of responsibility to shoulder on you. I feel guilty for even wanting you to, to even put this burden on you so that you can talk me out of it. I fucking hate myself for it. I also know that you might want to come up north and I don’t want that either, I don’t want to burden anyone’s life with my own problems. I guess what I want is to have someone know the real me, to understand my darkest impulses and to not hold it against me.  

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suicidewatch,cool__skeleton__95,2019/03/16,"Honestly on the verge of suicide. Hey hey. Im Eileen (or whatever you wanna call me i change my name so often it doesnt even matter anymore) im a 17 year old trans girl and honestly im practically on the verge of suicide, and have been for a long time. Every day i wake up knowing that I'll never be myself, never be happy, and will die alone. I honestly have no idea why i havent fucking killed myself yet. Everyday I think about fucking ending it. I have no friends and everyone i know hates me. Im so close to the end that I might honestly kill myself soon. I dont know what to do anymore and honestly i just need support...",0.24535305343511385,2.5339338549618304,2.826025763358782,89.38422948473281,88.31297709923662,6.0230916030534365,21.927958015267176,7.413659706084162,1.034408015267176,489,18,103,9,16,169,79,131,0.211,0.64,0.149,-0.8428,0,1,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,1,0,0,8,13,5,0,5,0,12,3,1,0,2,21,21,8,5,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,17,8,10,16,0,18,0,0,0,2,7,6,2,3,12,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305844359835542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25008181810056423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874530589492414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337957873415476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131339871284694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085472166656054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477688718056118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334503752294907,0.0,0.0,0.08327693378875843,0.0,0.106230749898252,0.12047814571719564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741176560192356,0.2331242474024049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421818378238284,0.0,0.12448130999354995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233287527268146,0.5447670754919495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789853272359431,0.0,0.20787651070562904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157989124267786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337546223694748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348928527572532,0.1944866686502356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230337790474275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758296741178309,0.14307801209392773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078918779349799,0.0,0.0,0.07352027732601962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377070831643743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119361207211108
suicidewatch,SwissCheeseMan26,2019/03/16,"So, I’ve had enough Everyday, it feels like everything goes wrong. I don’t know why. People hate me and I can’t do anything about it. All I try to do, is make people laugh, that’s the type of person I am. One day, I fell in love with the most wonderful person in my life. We kept it hidden for almost a year. Then, I couldn’t talk to her for a few days. So she left me. I literally screw everything up. I feel so stupid and useless. Nobody cares. I’ve learnt this the hard way. Nobody cares the slightest bit. I hate my life so freaking much. I’m so unlucky. Why does everything go wrong?",-0.9231578947368426,1.1882568211382107,1.229045785194696,97.7812836970475,98.67479674796749,4.540693196405648,15.416773641420624,6.339386263674448,-0.453656910569105,451,11,104,6,19,149,81,123,0.199,0.653,0.147,-0.7313,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,1,0,0,0,6,13,4,0,6,0,8,4,0,1,1,14,21,8,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,2,3,16,5,10,18,6,12,0,1,0,2,7,4,1,3,6,59,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465798890611189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045947041017087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981064363051592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29849131188347594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888078658264796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809940351705146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512511800918841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946746569376475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802973053882346,0.10457494543472894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319195800473196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112903736854276,0.2890427758181171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044742310425679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590438863641134,0.0,0.20678711072254732,0.07151458813772492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321149842322016,0.0,0.09771076230670148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760721716269014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919186678045944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296494869454293,0.2556292921930283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176558740245672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993834037132348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619079074331712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641730018769914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874445091938835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32009029788461024,0.0,0.09426486198304948
suicidewatch,bigheart98,2019/03/16,"I want to attempt suicide, but I don't want to kill myself. I've never considered myself suicidal, but there have been times in my life where I've felt more urges to self-harm and thought about suicide more often--not about killing myself, just suicide in general. Now is one of those times. I haven't been this way for a long time. It's weird being back at this place. Because things are pretty okay. Things are pretty good, actually. Been through some rough times recently and have lost friends, but I have a supportive and committed SO who I'm in love with, finally found a best friend that understands me, not in contact with my emotionally abusive father anymore, and have a good relationship with my mom and her side of the family. I get down phases every couple months, but it's always in response to something. This one came out of nowhere though. Starting in the fall of 2018, my thoughts of self-harm have become more frequent than they've been since I was 14. I've relapsed about 3-5 times since November. Before then, I don't remember self-harming since my freshman year of high school. I'd probably done it a couple times since then, but age 14 was the only time it was a habit for me. Now I'm 20 and in college, and having to resist the urge to turn it into a habit again. I realized something a few minutes ago: I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to die by committing suicide. But I want to attempt suicide. I don't even get that. I guess I want to do something drastic like trying to kill myself, but I don't want my life to actually end. I don't know why I feel that way. I know it would hurt my mom and SO and my best friend. I know it would scare them and make them sad. I wonder if it might damage my relationships. I don't want any of that to happen, so I don't know why I want to do it. I don't think I would make the conscious decision to end my life. But I wonder if I'll ever lose control and put myself in danger that way. I don't know what's going on with me.",3.8729112818721623,4.643604980440101,4.8207221446035655,86.51730745721274,71.32273838630806,7.798847362906043,26.832081732448483,7.957251820313856,1.4367274886482715,1563,50,333,20,28,510,182,409,0.151,0.644,0.205,0.9484,0,0,3,0,0,11,50.0,0,0,2,7,16,23,5,1,13,1,36,4,0,3,4,71,74,27,11,14,12,3,3,1,3,4,3,0,0,0,22,18,0,1,18,0,0,4,14,12,0,2,14,3,49,11,47,55,7,50,0,5,0,1,14,17,0,7,27,214,71,2,0.0,0.07394613262809119,0.12180711833053284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055323064485163546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051930462261417384,0.0,0.0,0.042441220209049516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189435838723804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479897543555624,0.0,0.03804480779738786,0.0689273965623942,0.0531066637488684,0.0,0.1309917536613971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713808848444712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999858376608388,0.0,0.13811186731628414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477215417744203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386751976501179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020331313077482,0.11055420103270072,0.0,0.0,0.04122148842695157,0.0564537905909273,0.05258346373108542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883498191724229,0.0,0.03155657945950007,0.0,0.05992378264518535,0.06836755559585561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842979527283734,0.14465438816206716,0.0,0.06521372860424214,0.0,0.0354692753085732,0.10469378485255328,0.0,0.0,0.06875210487589546,0.0,0.055189321094293496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594002669952902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681163669902589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27619149540537324,0.0,0.1714956509250482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224695877572534,0.03049057476315089,0.0,0.0,0.05523125055501798,0.0,0.06982128690630432,0.068128336993498,0.0,0.0563278333688603,0.0,0.08331886908275006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662075843479105,0.0,0.146188640151522,0.04981539531663278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048134757106320536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458182054105068,0.047465930540436574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520559701471408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698765161949244,0.06728897973122333,0.0,0.0,0.06273970179077487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162275246361365,0.1340108517861466,0.07069883045474935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062483709856289635,0.06316266873524122,0.0,0.0,0.19532301232530347,0.0,0.0,0.2065061504881431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413975244015526,0.0,0.0,0.04417441073917168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096011657309424,0.0708225957819455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292540892582477,0.03999007189794066,0.061317912777532235,0.0990937914124547,0.2547440913278346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237257292594671,0.06788460650282277,0.0,0.06497143976770328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33130150121765445,0.14861543990686407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263137877022038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536285882459467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300369782956006,0.0,0.0,0.040190259032144175
suicidewatch,DoomTLk,2019/03/16,"I feel like smashing my head into a wall 24/7 I am a 13 year old male. I have never gotten a D or under in my life even in subjects I hate. The only joy I still get out of life are video games. I have friends, but when I tell them I’m suicidal they don’t believe me. My dad is always overseas. My family rents a house. I’m never good enough for my mum, she complains when I get Bs, she complains about me being antisocial when she herself blocks me from having outside contact with my friends out of school. My sister always gets her way. She can get all C’s and no one cares. She can bash me all I want but I can’t cause my mum says not to hit girls no matter what. I’ve told my mum that I’m suicidal and depressed but she doesn’t believe me. She shouts for playing games in my spare time. She forces me to swim, though I can’t kick for the life of me. She’s not entirely bad though. She will buy me games and things, let me eat well, but then there’s all her expectations. I’ve felt like grabbing a gun and ending it, but this is Australia. Even in games I feel depressed. Even when I get straight A’s I just get a good on you. What do I have left to live for? I don’t wanna be hated for the rest of my life, I just don’t know what to do.",-0.12485557959027815,1.7969313763837642,1.7703499172922754,99.01420664206644,85.78966789667895,4.62353989057132,17.831912457055605,5.727593064623523,-0.6189654917928484,957,23,235,6,29,315,138,271,0.184,0.708,0.108,-0.982,1,1,0,1,0,0,29.0,0,1,2,0,15,17,2,0,10,0,22,6,1,1,5,33,42,17,2,3,10,5,4,2,2,1,4,2,1,2,7,8,1,1,4,7,2,1,12,7,1,1,3,6,53,10,26,34,5,26,0,2,0,0,35,12,0,1,14,155,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909538473397086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487472789747033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560399442854677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585143386616813,0.11672737209925695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957354540227037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626992663350587,0.0,0.0,0.10064078128651302,0.1174082151807168,0.0,0.2251508904589303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711847205838344,0.0,0.1149075758991601,0.08117594645313572,0.10910080750836064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557759608908122,0.0,0.3561959945093125,0.0,0.0,0.1906117398521381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243684736811262,0.11661522539363404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111158611196466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244703913596481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345727697510547,0.11619244382785895,0.3210355856736128,0.1110259126247291,0.0,0.10033570532247826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527401100872636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923359002601472,0.0,0.07699734991860786,0.08641930002583817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036163595792647,0.0,0.11499771641921835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907435576221988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485814255207745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931597890599413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075489469100591,0.0,0.22327808771242494,0.0,0.06625746631806359,0.0,0.0,0.10857653115917623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670208049033032,0.09019270694828126,0.0,0.0,0.10216531955071087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317277916749494
suicidewatch,dufreak2,2019/03/16,High speed chase next to me today. As the car drove by all I could think was I should’ve jumped in front of it.,1.022400000000001,2.0589010399999985,1.5569999999999986,106.1635,78.6,5.0,12.5,3.1291,-1.9242,86,0,24,0,2,26,24,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38987198734207795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5159212786235177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5193181450740435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312886270426386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628562560071261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sam3wy,2019/03/16,Does anyone just feel hollow Like i want to kill myself i know that and I've been dealing with that since i was young. But that emptiness is kind of new i guess. Nothing seems to matter anymore pain is kind of an afterthought. Why does anything even exist anyways? ,1.6993277310924348,4.464639156862745,2.059271708683476,93.27529411764704,88.80392156862746,3.698599439775911,21.01120448179272,5.288315135182226,0.0021910364145658607,211,7,39,1,7,64,40,51,0.215,0.7170000000000001,0.068,-0.8471,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,9,2,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,3,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206663126835446,0.15656877336049232,0.0,0.18426555429645497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23084977531217535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919045553453095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789582296935214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321974211414132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24667108150436404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24773225124136125,0.4663525811904317,0.1230595565425605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093950951187971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162615397913152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485549926112088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826469371395895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038466694570458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522740347427716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320727234572117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205129764920576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidewhynot12,2019/03/16,"No one really cares,all i done is worthless... ... still i awake next day, and continue to suffer to weak to live, to weak to die.",0.11294871794871494,2.2693500384615426,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,87.07692307692307,6.543589743589743,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.29329743589743584,95,2,22,2,3,32,20,26,0.448,0.552,0.0,-0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26420401133207866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251739923962344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192358384213285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617471458027831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356899335034428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776037849927237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624458396779725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271639229954835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TransAlly3,2019/03/16,"A song by my trans friend Hey,

My trans friend wrote this song about a time he tried to end his life. It tugged my heartstrings to know that he or anyone else could feel this way.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2DnCMRZDD1vMNow4iz9Nrv?si=S1yCypvwRUSnL_eXsdBHaQ

:(",10.464473684210526,14.971255184210527,4.883421052631579,76.97144736842105,62.94736842105264,4.852631578947369,14.76315789473684,5.985473137389443,-1.1065999999999998,219,2,35,1,4,54,29,38,0.067,0.785,0.14800000000000002,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,16,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935648681177865,0.3507449247052821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27331281931497986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859625031726428,0.0,0.3031918663958797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308610860596216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289475933617811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812884900633225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178910665144304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996081967850139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232411239905995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27171584724780595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CraftyTrilobyte,2019/03/16,"Purgatory of Sorts I can't bring myself to actually take my own life, but I'm not able to commit to living either. I feel like a zombie.

I am doing just enough for the wheels of my life to keep turning. Well, that's debatable. I'm unemployed and about to run out of money. There is some hope that I will land a job soon. I am willing to work and continue living so as not to hurt others by my death. But I also resent these others that I am supposedly staying alive for. They can't help me, and they don't have to live with my crazy brain. Not that they don't have their own troubles. But that's the thing. We all have our problems. Why can't I just deal and move on?

I am feeling a great deal of self-hatred as well. I feel shitty, and I feel shitty ABOUT feeling shitty. How could I even contemplate suicide? And do I really care about not hurting others, or is it more that I fear death and what may lie after, if it turns out it's not oblivion?

Anyone else feel like they're living a half-life and wish they could make a decision and commit? Thanks for reading, if you got this far.",1.8512389380531005,3.591268327433632,3.384256637168143,90.92567699115044,78.11504424778761,6.112920353982301,19.7070796460177,6.961326702584282,0.19856353982300945,846,19,185,9,20,279,124,226,0.213,0.614,0.173,-0.9402,3,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,2,1,5,1,13,14,1,1,7,0,21,3,1,2,3,48,40,20,3,7,14,0,6,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,16,13,0,1,7,1,1,3,10,6,2,0,1,6,28,8,26,34,7,12,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,7,5,135,44,4,0.1171887178955712,0.0,0.11435928399029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371577536197068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194107632599258,0.12007369020598332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082136580739004,0.0,0.0,0.11948170811316465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871313110137018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416328448219979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789613647390956,0.0,0.0,0.1210872721050252,0.0,0.07740204293690371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186988803544364,0.3555248213699697,0.16743928696001814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372652309420312,0.12920097519238452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854912737324644,0.0,0.0,0.11639483890967475,0.0,0.0,0.2509058925238449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162917199955424,0.10416271696192084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554771426353074,0.11450497626598236,0.0,0.41391913959451704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782243791806016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455306114188808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213377634400892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722043082693892,0.0,0.07507409347252351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225339067478334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490758082161425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818543687917647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811133154157996,0.0,0.0,0.10789162663744556,0.0,0.0,0.07785497694499019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549353469658242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073346237471105,0.0,0.10574459036170196,0.0,0.13476124214032414,0.0,0.0,0.08531478233886977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dmurphy1578,2019/03/16,Empty. I think  all done. ,-3.224,-6.468252399999997,-0.4549999999999983,102.77750000000002,173.0,1.0,2.5,3.1291,-3.073,18,0,4,0,2,6,5,5,0.375,0.625,0.0,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8475633854835509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5306941751966583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quickster208,2019/03/16,"Ha, Ha, Ha. It's so funny. It's hilarious, isn't it? Come on, laugh.

​

My life has been full of nothing but support and the cushiest of conditions from everybody around me. All my life I've had nothing to complain about, I've lived the ideal life. I have no reason to want out.

​

So then, ask yourself, why would someone with these conditions just want to do nothing but rip the skin off their skull and make themselves suffer for being such an attention whoring piece of shit every single fucking night?

​

The answer is simple, they're right. there's not a thing wrong with them, they're just starved for attention. Do you want to know why?

​

Because they're such an unlikable piece of shit that NOBODY wants to be around them. Anyone that says they're a ""friend"" is just afraid they'll shoot up the fucking school.

​

Me? No, I'd never do that. Why should I push my suffering onto others? I'd just blow my brains out instead, at least then nobody will be hurt.

​

But even then, I won't do that. Because I'm too scared to make the commitment. Because I'm too afraid of the pain.

​

There's a knife in my jacket pocket right now, right next to me, It's small, but sharp enough to shove in my wrist and slash down long ways. I could do that at any moment, like now. I don't, though. Because I simply don't actually want to.

​

Death doesn't scare me anymore. It hasn't for a long time. If there is an afterlife, great. If not, I won't be able to care, now will I?

​

There's not a thing wrong with me. I'm just a completely normal, happy person. I haven't had a real reason to feel sad a day of my life.

​

And yet, I have the FUCKING GALL to sit here and attention whore where others could be getting actual help.

​

So go on, laugh! LAUGH! LAUGH AT ME! LAUGH AT WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT I AM!",2.0272952853598016,4.427035129032259,2.657956989247314,92.99539702233255,80.7741935483871,5.320760959470637,21.635235732009924,6.551861593081955,0.36233076923076935,1476,45,302,14,39,458,174,372,0.163,0.644,0.193,0.7967,0,0,0,1,0,0,105.0,0,1,4,1,29,35,6,4,20,3,35,17,7,4,3,52,56,18,1,13,14,0,3,1,1,7,5,1,0,1,16,13,0,0,8,0,0,3,14,20,0,0,3,4,29,15,43,39,8,42,0,4,0,5,11,22,6,2,16,195,45,1,0.040138108638882786,0.0,0.07833800807954025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783858633477533,0.5364941486427999,0.02729529026883369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980621833824317,0.02806549881781728,0.0,0.0,0.07146285292361287,0.037523713330970036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787127391123096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044807403710511035,0.0,0.0,0.040923476822052746,0.0,0.0,0.03457542652137086,0.04208404324839471,0.0,0.0,0.06409402736104501,0.0,0.0,0.02588575952920029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04147339581672426,0.0,0.0265108422044638,0.0,0.033818087670689265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02029503374304279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031010603167517407,0.1113211039793438,0.020970505124475503,0.0,0.022811412122553654,0.0,0.0,0.044252406474339576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272776301118812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026903728145625173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296867545403249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022058854805704475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340293262615245,0.01960945242677831,0.0,0.03544268529237294,0.07104192614558477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358499838795158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030956983818214517,0.0,0.042687333894366325,0.037666895927543666,0.039326824338712665,0.11554079330935307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270977753884656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03504704826444987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568595498133577,0.0,0.08253732134665058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028331764001188,0.0,0.03191943501535605,0.08037049779437556,0.040621908813898516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360357515307965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03400888919663967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045548250025297096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333195172389251,0.0,0.03943548794539364,0.0,0.023404853929451845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837248208874347,0.0318597623623721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865519988949096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02851296075846568,0.08776944162152654,0.5364941486427999,0.0
suicidewatch,awinchywinch,2019/03/16,"A Winch I've been thinking about doing it for so long now. I've kind of tried, but I'm not an idiot and when things start going wrong I just abort. So hanging is a pretty good option since it tends to have few bailout methods. But you need to hang yourself in the woods, you try it on the door knob and bang, right back you are.

My dream has been to build my own guillotine. Instantaneous, painless, guaranteed death. I'm just no that skilled though (have you heard the one about the engineer and the guillotine?)

But then it came to me, hanging, and guillotine together makes just a simple winch! They sell those everywhere! So that's what I'm getting tomorrow! A nice steel wire is perfectly infallible. It will suck a slightly bit more than a guillotine since I'll get to feel the wire digging into the throat rather than a clean cut, but unlike just a simple hanging which involves agony as the air runs out, the wire will snap my neck well before the air runs out!

Happy days! (when I'm not here)

​",3.2149036281179164,5.451389413265307,3.4066666666666663,90.03277777777781,75.78571428571429,6.804535147392291,24.154195011337876,7.793537801064563,1.1647548752834471,799,26,161,12,18,245,123,196,0.107,0.7190000000000001,0.174,0.9532,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,4,1,2,17,10,3,0,19,0,11,2,2,1,1,25,27,16,1,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,11,8,0,0,2,1,1,8,3,4,1,1,4,2,10,6,17,21,4,25,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,9,99,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130873796326164,0.2389705488421233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122390864715027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734816368950522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147081856165084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493335408419105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268332114206808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944016912532604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549959193206194,0.0,0.11176974170993206,0.16495399454604465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093544674019534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479723182401008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740430994190286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127599021866268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14582524494909596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326587804493473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000798846097492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795157183758028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32536806716196465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920110956741955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065606015623402,0.12601554354041408,0.1932232111796313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26704642202676204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682622882552565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150232472974319,0.2389705488421233,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway98345987342,2019/03/16,"Feeling Hopeless I can't see a future where I'd be happy. I've been fantasizing about dying since primary school, I've been self-harming before the age of 10 (not cutting, but stuff like pulling out my hair or scratching myself as punishment). I think, at this point, this misery might just be permanent. I'm so angry at how my life turned out. I know I had potential, I know I'm smart and talented, but all that went down the fucking drain because I'm just so fucking tired all the time. I can't focus long enough to do my homework. I can't get anything above 60% in exams. I'm going to have to apply to university with shitty grades, and people always spout this bullshit about \~grades don't matter\~ even though they blatantly fucking do. You don't get good grades, you don't get into a good university, you don't get a job. I can't hold half a conversation without inevitably humiliating myself. I don't know how to make friends. I spent my entire childhood having my brother and father deliberately upsetting me for fun, because they thought it would help me build emotional resilience. All I learned was that I couldn't ever show anyone I was hurting or they would hurt me even more and then laugh about it.

I'm so fucking done. I want a reset. I want to be what I could have been instead of what I am.",4.024302325581395,5.6301234844961225,4.9456511627907,82.58103488372095,71.90697674418605,7.330542635658915,28.79147286821705,7.908726449838941,1.8707947286821711,1041,41,199,14,20,339,146,258,0.175,0.679,0.145,-0.9259,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,3,3,0,16,19,6,1,8,0,30,7,1,3,5,40,57,16,1,6,8,2,3,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,10,8,0,1,7,1,1,3,12,10,0,1,10,4,33,9,22,39,5,19,0,3,1,4,11,9,4,3,8,132,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492767753441236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817404849318336,0.0,0.1037719052875886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374226034528868,0.0,0.10730424198264472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068286890857636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308748547726557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904700299201524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184873928045527,0.0,0.13029795898725582,0.0,0.16657949329926225,0.1140672521823684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376139262822555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742675322626604,0.4663202310806818,0.2635341488529949,0.0,0.07166715873281122,0.21153818430435103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342388343855829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452408580223726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699914295317254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513762593804262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20790849426565214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907017603317653,0.06160748541928088,0.0,0.0,0.11159705875302724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417463514610453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377520164982928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742384206452578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920795834398965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276228219171529,0.10048764911657113,0.0,0.13155278013348531,0.0,0.0,0.10431358505059694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435759952380842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808016178936004,0.12389541511523065,0.10011158131663214,0.07353158904274408,0.14493668173725252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716369526659875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875746258712802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689861027331325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155865255966768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915970073584564,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,withtm1,2019/03/16,"I don't feel human anymore I've lost everything, friends, a future, hope. All due to the nature of this world treating me unfairly. Isn't this the part where I turn into the evil antagonist and rise to power, or is this really all there is? This feeling devoid of anything resembling human anymore. Karma doesn't exist, good things don't just come to good people. You can live your life trying to be the best you can be towards yourself and others and still end up hanging from a tree due to the hardships tossed your way.

This life is all I've known. So many thoughts, memories, experiences. All for nothing. All this time I thought I was the protagonist meant to achieve great things, but I realise now that I mean nothing. My life never meant anything to begin with.

I've decided to end it. If my life truly means something, then fate will save me. If not I'll just succeed in dying.",3.5782456140350867,5.707771152046789,4.244304093567251,84.93768421052633,74.32163742690058,6.665263157894738,27.18947368421053,7.554174236665415,1.5923080701754393,701,27,131,9,15,223,108,171,0.076,0.818,0.107,0.7508,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,0,5,7,11,1,0,8,0,13,4,0,0,6,31,26,9,1,3,7,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,11,6,0,0,10,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,6,2,14,9,17,17,7,21,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,4,11,87,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769224817763171,0.0,0.0,0.22978362084486065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146518044864431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026654779680447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448990356487312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24731610859614184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254775726890164,0.13657092733929774,0.0,0.0,0.14118776780305306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078667297350262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23420602041415384,0.0,0.15392678251070113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866987480194834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944587410527254,0.0,0.0,0.12328320525930753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524070097107814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415483882016361,0.0,0.3041648153082208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076802211454132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679300250508103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119017837226156,0.0,0.09679193478274996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944138108033657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748297316163233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114972641527948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550891099301128,0.0,0.0,0.22167851288543092,0.08141102704962508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947898835988302,0.1518617705797764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082042995422567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simplytruthfull,2019/03/16,Is it a mental illness to want to kill yourself or is it just that there are mental illnesses that have suicidal thoughts and emotions as symptoms? Asking because i know i dont have a mental illness i just want to die.,4.90527131782946,6.064593325581393,5.641860465116278,80.14248062015506,69.23255813953489,7.593798449612403,35.26356589147287,7.793537801064563,2.7787426356589147,175,9,31,2,3,57,29,43,0.407,0.544,0.049,-0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,8,11,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942699110881424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655955522330113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249576164066946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625479307103033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519905808802372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478432009032635,0.0,0.12311467014252105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6772736610426432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24503980196654504,0.0,0.0,0.2328409231432855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784560974447222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642637474097417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayfeelsobad,2019/03/16,"First day after attempt It’s Sunday morning in Australia. On Friday night I attempted, and I wanted it to work. My close friend and I signed a lease, he didn’t move in. A week later he told me he changed his mind it was a final decision and it was just because it’s easier for him this way. I broke. I tried twice before friends found me. I’m out of hospital now, I’m not good but I’m alive (I still don’t know if I want to be). 

What I am worried about now is - how do I get through today? It seems like a lot of time, a lot of hours I need to get through. How do I pick myself up again?

I know to take it as it comes, to breathe, to do all those other things. I’m having a really bad experience with suicide aftercare. They just are so callous. But it doesn’t feel like enough. It just feels really hard so I just want to hear everyone else’s stories of what they did to get through those long hours. ",-0.4726899827288449,1.6630399067357509,1.669566062176166,97.41571351468048,90.34715025906736,5.081951640759931,18.4043609671848,6.6274283507984215,-0.07965613126079507,694,20,165,9,24,231,115,193,0.106,0.794,0.099,-0.6588,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,4,13,7,0,0,6,0,14,1,1,3,1,34,35,11,1,5,8,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,17,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,6,4,21,5,25,28,4,26,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,4,19,108,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215711115889849,0.08875727980411656,0.0,0.12389609217962932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402700601119626,0.1254227388063795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939008765149692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163131091201344,0.0,0.0,0.15044519805762785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391284051930236,0.0,0.14242613646117228,0.0,0.0,0.1472409148530377,0.10401769009825808,0.0,0.15949924872432886,0.0,0.12384850127941775,0.0,0.15964445183467715,0.2249826060079857,0.0,0.22821221180648946,0.0,0.0,0.12212357078260835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043028150942051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410339267465882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867761571344305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003747534126014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226700736951173,0.0,0.0,0.12885268301393754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475702566637807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701593716936084,0.0,0.0,0.1547512767148838,0.0,0.10796161482746673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663707797349475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865520077399107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255007271762426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162774894236504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926433145396562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947415442142233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967311198166385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490136425014708,0.0,0.1380131301337576,0.1391284051930236,0.0,0.09885381288394382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576384859987665,0.11557163729388124,0.11679268394484245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599957454720796,0.147865318993177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gorck,2019/03/16,"I don't know what to do. I have lost all hope and motivation to keep going. Nothing is working for me and I just don't want to even get better. Everything that I have ever worked towards I have fallen short of or I wasn't even close, and every time something went wrong I could motivate myself to get up and keep going. I can't anymore. I don't have the ""good times"" to look back on and I can't tell myself the ""good times"" are coming. My friends tell me that I need to get help and that I need to stop with this thinking and self-harmful things I have down already. I have turned to drugs and have been drinking. I cry multiple times a day and lost the motivation to do pretty much anything. I have began to spaz out a lot where I just grab at my face in a jolt like motion without me even being able to think about it. I have been taking sleeping pills to just make the days go bye. At work I need to force myself to just keep going to do even the simplest of things. I have been trying for years to just do what I think is the right things or the best thing and that things will work out, but they haven't. So I took the last couple years trying to take control and make things better in anyway I think I could and that didn't help either. It has been about half a year of me every single day just wanting to kill myself and I really don't have any motivation besides my friends kindness that is keeping me going. I don't even want to get better. I want to just end this, but it would be such a disservice to those around me that want to help me to just end myself even if I am suffering. No specific event triggered this, just me not seeing any point or reason and I don't know what to do. I have tried a therapy phone service, I have tried buying things that I think would make me happy, I have tried reaching out to as many friends as I could, I have tried making what I am going through public so maybe someone who I haven't talked with could come to my aid. I am very hopeless at this point. Please help me.",2.8440110381861565,4.069678260143204,3.6540326670644383,92.18637119630074,74.27446300715991,6.287619331742244,21.92429892601432,6.4784943948869325,0.2360888424820997,1577,37,350,11,32,502,174,419,0.08800000000000001,0.765,0.14800000000000002,0.9806,0,0,3,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,1,15,25,19,1,0,14,0,53,5,2,11,2,82,99,24,1,16,18,0,1,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,28,23,1,6,12,1,1,12,15,6,0,1,11,3,58,13,52,79,6,49,0,4,2,0,15,19,0,6,20,256,86,9,0.06499286761943131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172124556807627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839475736321778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445546057397955,0.0,0.0,0.053483592299579136,0.05785743146940343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997550342904437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820600482530817,0.17244272946006556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119712011846993,0.0,0.0,0.07289502749089823,0.20756606510538134,0.07191337183680184,0.07139161324999413,0.12574506866623808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366826722392185,0.07537109256870286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151287796113631,0.0,0.0,0.2575630566018081,0.058789769673668425,0.10951858817753238,0.0,0.05841139865204852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063998490298133,0.0,0.13582436339786422,0.0,0.2216216665760692,0.10902586758692097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918611611834727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742533966978126,0.0,0.0,0.06455258230218604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310745879281357,0.07190497852644387,0.06768007025370905,0.07143676066662377,0.05297786159232418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0317522322023047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054577639928337904,0.0,0.14189478503296452,0.05525461188310028,0.0,0.0,0.17353297525543365,0.06589256673216172,0.06529407115886747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047777235875475485,0.1445741634545189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623624093481773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134265165428746,0.12287853490337143,0.0,0.0,0.06612111172663933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163609523449638,0.06682349245959181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550355383199887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179090083774968,0.0,0.06780173534480739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503980469114896,0.0,0.05506824582411695,0.05003468475766186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433694751781188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773309597527646,0.052238805106429226,0.11361326195196465,0.0,0.07432500830739756,0.0,0.3022486132347725,0.2082240263677886,0.0,0.0,0.15159145507074698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220946732292041,0.2647553452183033,0.07069357679818843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362592238976066,0.19167238614538135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024903941889032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265080510924224,0.0,0.18926232675305374,0.0,0.0,0.09233813684074876,0.07105949799056173,0.0,0.12555982761613976
suicidewatch,camper3x,2019/03/16,"I don't know anymore I don't know what to do anymore. I constantly feel how I wasted my life, how I disappointed everyone and push them away. My entire life I went through numerous deceptions, betrayals, broken dreams and hopes, rejections, lies, got stuck in illusions. I can't really say that I had more than one real friend in my entire life. A few years ago I started to act really dumb, started drinking for the first time in my life to be able to hang out with others even though I'm not that big of a fan of alcohol (I was around 16, now I'm 19 years old), I was so ignorant. I was always kinda isolated. I have some ""friends"", a lot I could say, but it's not real, temporary, I always feel like the third wheel around them, unwanted, hated, I know that they talk to me at times out of courtesy, I don't really know how it is to be wanted, to be appreciated. I swear I tried so hard at many times to cope for my lack of social skills, I tried so hard at times to be part of a group, but I can't. I swear I did the best I could to keep a conversation, to fit in the ""normal"" modern standards, but it all backfired at me. To be honest I'm not really sure why I post here, I hate begging for attention and always hold back everything trying my best to not open up because I'm afraid. I forgot how it is to be happy, for the last years I always faked it, I got so good at this I'm scared. Now everytime I get rejected, somethig bad or sad happens, I can't feel anything because for years this was my main emotion. I just want everything to be done, I know that I can't reset the life that I wasted from level one, I don't see the point of anything in this big universe, nothing lasts, nothing has a purpose, wouldn't it be easier if I would just end myself? I'm really in need of help, any reason to continue living, any reason not to put an end to this chain of emotions. I lost the last bit of trust I had.",3.9854020100502514,4.131603600502512,5.591161809045229,83.33197889447236,70.78391959798995,9.081567839195982,26.975276381909552,9.065960079200117,1.887803899497487,1475,44,322,27,25,505,189,398,0.16399999999999998,0.701,0.135,-0.6254,0,2,3,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,3,5,19,24,3,2,15,0,33,7,0,6,2,59,65,17,0,12,12,0,5,1,2,2,6,2,0,0,17,9,2,4,11,2,0,5,14,13,0,4,14,8,52,11,53,39,11,53,0,5,1,0,12,23,1,6,25,213,69,0,0.07775644131191042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892639366780297,0.08309798851862411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587983524406066,0.0,0.0,0.10575409294817244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422699200471593,0.0,0.0,0.12797385184306034,0.13843943618094848,0.0,0.0,0.07305473619806731,0.05978990375017505,0.06492338060672183,0.09479920982909028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320117593129088,0.0,0.08488989517086966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402708957632628,0.0,0.1241643825766922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957183592188666,0.0,0.07617171029929741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749310614900411,0.137738255335673,0.0,0.0,0.05135739614805339,0.0,0.0,0.07429961185261798,0.13976495137373215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794797914085815,0.055549217209700415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613958925801455,0.0,0.0,0.12014886734877933,0.0,0.04062453130670938,0.0,0.0,0.06521841384305975,0.12437785860645965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875976425753147,0.08277317765167971,0.1393089969878211,0.15353677565948948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052118503575935414,0.0,0.0,0.0772296909055221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069113497730696,0.0,0.0,0.21366453319204715,0.19014563304954754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746083701488217,0.037987869595440094,0.0,0.06866036224246004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488034094362054,0.06610574580673148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883282713422925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765541598449121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618480322998189,0.14921880508319418,0.0,0.08159230511554584,0.0,0.10537955397093704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420264863090837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350497014268485,0.0,0.07446917691118841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816669999166855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700770652872966,0.24906383685940825,0.15989314397131393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367008609252465,0.0778477624740832,0.0,0.06196181656519885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926289981794059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007281874155454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732845257267912,0.0,0.0,0.06249768216486541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639530879793595,0.0,0.181361624918848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583745587517878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917255273713838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208100010459137,0.07016309404322295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055235944966692166,0.0,0.0,0.20029039543920726
suicidewatch,Pilifa,2019/03/16,"It's all too much This voice in my head always pops up and tells me I should kill myself, that I shouldn't be alive. I've had this voice for almost ten years and while in a way I've gotten better at ignoring it it's still this thing building and building in me. Everyone tells me I'm not doing good enough, I'm not doing enough, that they don't understand why I act the way I do and so they just get mad at me and tell me I'm not enough and that I make their lives harder. Just leave me alone if I'm not good enough for you, if I'm not the happy person you want me to be. I can't just say ""hey I kind of feel like dying right now that's why I'm such a pos"" because then it's just an excuse to make them feel bad. So I just don't say anything and let them think that I'm an awful cold distant lazy person. It's hard to want to do things when you just want to die. I feel like it's too late to fix all the problems I let build up over the years. I don't have it in me to try harder, I just keep hoping I'll die one day soon so I don't have to deal with any of it. I have these intrusive thoughts most days, but today was worse. Today it kept saying ""I'm going to kill myself"" instead of ""I should"". I won't, but it scares me. How much longer until one day I can't control it anymore?",2.6770446735395197,2.37267177319588,4.096443298969074,94.48768900343643,73.5360824742268,7.016494845360825,20.97766323024055,5.82211442006289,-0.15866872852233715,990,14,256,4,18,330,134,291,0.14800000000000002,0.799,0.052000000000000005,-0.9765,0,1,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,3,5,2,19,15,3,1,8,1,23,1,1,4,2,49,48,19,5,10,16,0,4,2,0,4,0,5,0,2,22,8,0,4,6,0,0,2,13,7,0,3,5,10,37,8,25,35,9,29,0,0,0,0,19,10,0,5,17,164,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481531837037056,0.0980671400867264,0.0,0.0,0.07878714044912423,0.0,0.0,0.06439038344411083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390402655604348,0.0,0.0,0.07791930469332146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905966105356324,0.057720295271080864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837429262647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619948312140656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319577832778328,0.09761810366355733,0.0,0.0,0.29481036290497104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39134778682569626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047745318534926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362972423317613,0.13528877403944006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947003137473379,0.0,0.05381278451359845,0.15883786841344735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007960353929974,0.08482092260633678,0.0,0.09717614371731352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404552149322112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416212547393619,0.2095141964057192,0.09860190366842013,0.0,0.0,0.10681102127449793,0.10025982466767587,0.0,0.19364767477263356,0.0,0.0925185369676054,0.0,0.08361032521682563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264085693564487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392116288200469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832467658123428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535401192702634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060263815872667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086215111305682,0.0,0.22589662608991645,0.09479817066614828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756171329013826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828174383792115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258116249177731,0.0606715841529201,0.0,0.0751708739116103,0.0,0.0,0.1795043435352584,0.0,0.0,0.06428623410863901,0.0,0.0,0.0985724703237051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754647638889578,0.1503162116794772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088051736332946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649410710291063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195060260054
suicidewatch,bxnnxtt,2019/03/16,Am I suicidal if sometimes I think dying wouldn't be so bad? I don't think of myself as suicidal but a lot of times I wonder if it would be easier to die. ,3.4685714285714297,2.6679834285714294,6.406428571428571,80.30107142857145,71.85714285714286,10.428571428571429,26.07142857142857,10.125756701596842,2.2052857142857145,120,3,28,3,2,45,25,35,0.337,0.5710000000000001,0.092,-0.8719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,9,5,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21447661828277872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.533183242696832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838260234127144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540520615524522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5619505288196954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291852259817106,0.0,0.0,0.14978358965351302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785657236715248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182473841833234,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dead_Waffle8,2019/03/16,"Guilt tripping those who attempt suicide. People who jump in front of a train, bus, or jump off a building are looked down on. The drivers of the vehicles are traumatized from hitting someone, yet there’s no effective ways for people to do it. So it’s not fair for everyone. Same with on lookers. Obviously most people wouldn’t do it in front of others if there was an easier way ",4.138538812785388,6.092227808219178,4.99609589041096,80.91323059360731,72.28767123287672,8.154337899543378,29.97488584474885,8.841846274778883,2.5957050228310496,302,13,55,6,6,98,55,73,0.17,0.757,0.073,-0.7799,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,0,6,0,0,1,1,9,8,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,14,5,2,14,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,3,1,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966084292435112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606647904537664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6455940855397093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630079420298797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395362947022943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927753143620138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrill_ho24,2019/03/16,I need help and I don't know what to do I'm feeling lost and earlier tonight I thought about hanging myself. I put something around my neck and could think of no reason not to do it apart from how my family would feel. I have been crying the past hour and i can't see past ending it,0.14566744730679204,2.2991273606557385,1.736440281030447,98.13426229508198,86.8688524590164,4.797189695550352,18.550351288056206,6.18269132825596,-0.2953484777517565,223,6,52,2,7,72,45,61,0.129,0.799,0.071,-0.5267,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,1,2,0,16,17,5,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,3,9,0,6,12,0,9,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414604122274666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206457150628256,0.0,0.26423971762515003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130614145705498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677500007100604,0.0,0.24326491063547395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161239766978711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368994253646225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220341022764073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625955362452535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836939283675826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592762727294372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24182544830337144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24733186398824425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169216648736045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519193459785074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413871581113422,0.0,0.19097477234041596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088424041765102,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Midnightsky867,2019/03/16,"How do I find a reason to stay? I'm not here for pity, I'm not here to ask someone to fix it for me. I'm here because one tiny dust spec of hope is telling me to ask for help... but every day it's getting harder to find a reason to stay. 

How do I push forward through the pain when I'm ready to let go and have the means and desire to do so.

How does one know that they found their purpose? What does that feel like? ",1.2181155015197582,1.8872987446808551,2.702462006079028,99.60500000000002,77.51063829787232,5.371428571428572,20.875379939209726,3.1291,-0.586019452887538,318,7,84,0,7,104,58,94,0.046,0.8109999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.8193,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,5,0,18,19,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,0,0,3,2,2,0,2,1,1,6,2,13,17,0,7,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333697012666882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879570820328656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151005572038905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31236649294789703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037150948093533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024149705404266,0.1275014092915577,0.0,0.0,0.32624284887036537,0.0,0.0,0.19568683533802506,0.0,0.0,0.0932449682209012,0.0,0.10143052758222942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962693607387907,0.0,0.0,0.1772643238595616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808429521073983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825011100503147,0.0,0.0871930722465108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944098182986267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418763452793344,0.0,0.1899082461625308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670006926549526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121990498300553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804577259041437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599358959116535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jiji_r,2019/03/16,"I’m too much I’m too angry and sad and annoying 

Mostly I’m so angry all the time and it’s so fucking overwhelming 

I really just don’t want to be anymore 

I try to be better and happier but I always always get this way again 

Angry because I’m sad, sad because I’m angry

Irritated and annoyed and unhappy 

Every time it happens 

I don’t want to feel like this anymore 

Like a useless, annoying, angry failure of a human being  ",1.0071590909090915,3.3541617613636383,4.469272727272728,78.69390909090913,84.79545454545455,6.701818181818182,25.84545454545455,7.908726449838941,2.1168145454545453,337,15,60,7,10,124,48,88,0.441,0.444,0.115,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,4,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,13,16,9,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,4,13,3,4,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910983113005988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661383317257255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286522773635486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078493828992863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980080955570766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882933830730726,0.16789291616352042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726519063707805,0.12278428700645327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782070235721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296303899707957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276116582782802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055497082288002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740752580979908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955800309822735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277232822541542,0.1865419160215262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FancifulClock,2019/03/16,"Im going bald and its making me want to kill myself. I am only 16 and my hairline has redeced badly. I will never get a girlfriend, I will look like a fool and people will mock me. Why does my life have to be so fucking shit??",1.3241836734693884,2.543381775510205,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,78.18367346938777,4.9,20.413265306122447,3.1291,-0.30394285714285685,173,4,38,0,4,60,38,49,0.312,0.622,0.066,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,2,0,7,4,2,1,1,6,13,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,1,8,1,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510383770115005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26310941979441965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779551431888677,0.15708233783860193,0.0,0.17087189480373444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32476418081807695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326355256628689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236491048895315,0.1468871928763435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25247851148895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069275322398025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318873752316698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286653284992956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843965086268704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30862296727406874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733694168917094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712987076475858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outofreasons,2019/03/16,"Tired of feeling like a burden I've hit a wall. My depression is at its all tie worst and the SSRIs I've been on are ineffective at treating my depression. I feel like I'm a nuisance to everyone in my life. People offer words of support but I still feel alone. I don't have anyone I can talk to. I don't have anyone that will listen to me. I'm trying to put on a brave front but thoughts of ending my life are getting more and more pervasive. 

​

I hate that people share concern only as it extends to committing suicide. I hate that people are offering me false promises of ""keeping in touch"" and checking up on me and then I end up being the person to reach out for help. I hate that my friends don't even seem to care that I am screaming for help and the absolute best I get is apathy. Do they want me to just go away? It just feels like they want to push me away. I feel guilty for even sharing this because I'm letting people down. I removed myself from all forms of social media and a part of me hopes that someone will reach out and ask me how I'm doing, but I doubt they will. 

​

I am so utterly and completely alone. And I'll die that way too.",2.4673966942148766,4.034228095041325,3.9033801652892564,88.62870661157027,75.90082644628099,6.658181818181817,24.909917355371903,7.365786028017652,1.0812191735537189,917,31,193,11,20,303,127,242,0.201,0.599,0.199,-0.7708,0,2,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,3,2,9,23,3,1,8,0,21,3,0,1,3,33,47,16,2,3,5,0,6,3,1,3,3,2,0,1,11,11,0,1,7,0,1,5,3,10,0,0,2,8,31,13,34,39,8,25,0,2,0,0,15,15,0,3,7,134,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146262228938753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453198662141965,0.2518053024446689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489898127602635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686533402890124,0.0,0.1946979916158849,0.0,0.0,0.06316228324490558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087367597120064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564163032128304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863756661252312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848559818881501,0.0,0.10753522978289788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835429369686845,0.0,0.0,0.1368724658390035,0.0,0.0,0.0990078532781508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26195238265839843,0.22206611623181824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005211018868061,0.0,0.10826833505097523,0.0,0.058886364348657724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306892852699865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890089130906194,0.0,0.0,0.10291232639355233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209710350080988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595258761465963,0.1463716137552806,0.15186206194651886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880330386329128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122041323421384,0.0,0.2873322904157072,0.0904719638730701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041609366595858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432651896949094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105621676343911,0.0877920152232234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274647148033135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133371689207553,0.11758021958585985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328120688271763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225813827655604,0.0,0.11908933462933324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034727228002505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222873483997862,0.08224416640464749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518053024446689,0.0
suicidewatch,nasim_r19,2019/03/16,"I’ve managed to alienate everyone Every one of my friends has something that’s more important to them than me. I don’t wanna fucking do this anymore. I got into the biggest fight with one of my friends the other day and now he won’t even talk to me despite how much I’ve apologized and explained over and over again, he refuses to have a conversation with me. He was the only person that cared and now he couldn’t care less. If he doesn’t want me in his life, I might as well not be in anyone’s. It’s not worth it anymore. ",3.1717272727272743,4.177014854545455,4.468863636363637,87.51329545454546,73.18181818181819,7.3181818181818175,28.29545454545455,7.6454224807358475,1.5443636363636362,414,16,89,5,8,137,72,110,0.038,0.782,0.18,0.9291,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,4,0,10,2,0,1,0,17,16,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,2,1,2,2,0,11,5,16,10,3,10,0,0,0,1,16,6,1,2,4,65,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41653011115119104,0.14683792922458996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282210433691534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543359233866206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870400795556145,0.0,0.17693531820454025,0.20066542945034546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244932707365937,0.1941429997192235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679573808601273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483302675547722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277840166748705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437526310798175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846048980014806,0.1597156012201213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336520672559756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166941185381212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879124827920647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238643236659762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18881656563995455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sai____,2019/03/16,"I've come to the conclusion. I will never be a good person
I will never be lovable. 
I will never get better. 
Medicine is bullshit. 
Eating is disgusting. 
I will die alone.
I will always just be all alone.
I am undesirable.
I am awkward.
I try to make friends and I get too nervous. 
So as a useless member of society, I wonder.
Why do I still live?
My arm is filled with self harm scars.
I want to add more.
My body is a disgusting thing. 
I am hardly human. 
I want to stop this. 
I want to stop.",-1.5219659442724451,0.1896479901960788,1.427213622291024,94.39193498452015,108.31372549019608,4.108152734778122,17.13312693498452,6.05967700443912,-0.0997529411764706,373,12,81,5,19,129,61,102,0.387,0.552,0.061,-0.9883,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,2,2,4,0,16,3,2,1,4,17,24,3,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,0,1,17,3,8,16,2,8,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723530737591579,0.0,0.0,0.14957422992544606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589825907672863,0.0,0.19967218142523002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484681532883368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186561887951866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393875412835994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388816747914387,0.0,0.1878337455854628,0.0,0.0,0.1507736650645556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610291236372662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873085298987785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999080249445912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159246180353437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569589837762852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875282694269516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355609758673674,0.3005738328713363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942416494285996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204484014514715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180802735031816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220490836563878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494141287702646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SisteroftheMoon16,2019/03/16,"God I’m just so sick of it all and I’m on the edge of blowing my fucking brains out 23 f I have nobody to talk to I just want to scream out load HELP MEEEE  but nobody is here to listen oh god I’m so desperate and alone slicing my arm to bits isn’t helping this time, and there’s guns in this house it’s so hard not pick one up. I don’t know what to do right now I’m so broken and lost and I’ve lost everything and everyone for no good reason. I’m a good person I promise. Where do I go from here I see no option but ending it. Nothing gets better and I see no way out but death. I want it so bad. Every one in my life will just hate me more if I do it and blame and say I’m just a sorry POS who wanted attention. But I don’t want attention I want to be treated better than a useless piece of trash. I will be looked at the same in life and in death but I’ve done nothing wrong. People are just so evil and mean. Are there any people out there who are different than what I see, cause I need them to show me that people can treat other good. I need to be able to express how I feel without being met with anger and hatred. Someone please tell me how this can possibly get better for me and that it’s not worth it to die ",-0.4020045471769613,1.4310931648351684,1.8696576986232176,98.42505494505495,86.21611721611723,4.791158267020336,16.373500063155234,5.935793293072707,-0.7050430971327519,946,19,234,7,29,319,138,273,0.293,0.59,0.116,-0.9968,1,1,0,1,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,5,20,19,4,0,5,0,20,6,2,5,1,52,49,27,3,8,14,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,17,18,0,0,6,1,1,1,9,10,0,2,4,9,24,9,32,39,5,18,0,3,4,1,12,13,1,2,3,148,41,0,0.11076678535990164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472098411823653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532521239965102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248563904380246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29389266085049537,0.12092864126712495,0.0,0.0,0.12365236523697798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378800067990864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495843538349652,0.11572771519260205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335287882963915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810649450514937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332579399799636,0.10584241021768973,0.09955004439792896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600701484747772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240210819302886,0.11574214724015702,0.0,0.06295131674160243,0.27871777279604826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922528286855596,0.10935926842449907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848928272623038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780999847204733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087452843210781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647571252542766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301620237456296,0.0,0.24183006186876865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065750165277045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642643356470521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256743589909385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501168808536123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303752263888267,0.09671728450218488,0.0,0.12158866768380695,0.0,0.12487290747796323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388670353202948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459422947792312,0.0,0.08808619357141892,0.0,0.0,0.2648003607233894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385233778363994,0.0,0.0,0.12399434760012405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903014630103208,0.09681505264824676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458900330625053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32666559936860057,0.08792151844922033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677522836499187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110609132977633,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeceMan,2019/03/16,"I'm just sad again, thats all. Its just, i dont know who to talk to. I just need to talk. I don't know if I fit here, because, while I am not a fan of living, I am terrified of dying. I don't believe in heaven, reincarnation, or none of that. So when I die, as far as i know, I'm over.

 And will I be ready? When the day comes, will I be ready? Will I have lived a happy life? How happy does my life really need to be for me to be ready to... just... roll credits? To go to bed one last time? TO embrace Deaths warm hug? To embrace the last hug? 

 Life is, after all, a box of chocolates. Some of them are tasty, and when you just opened the box, it seems like there's a lot of them. But slowly, you eat them. One bye one. And then, when you least expect it, they're gone. You had all of them. And then, have you had enough? Or would you like to have just one more? But you can't. They're gone. You were never meant to have more chocolate than that. 

And then, I look at my life. I'm at my twenties, and I haven't lived a good life. With a little luck, I'll live to be four times as much as I am today. I'm a quarter of the way done. And I havent felt much happines in this twenty years. And I have no reason to believe things will get better. So ut is safe to assume, that, when the day comes, I will have felt exactly four times as much happines as I have felt up until now. And is that enough? NO. IT IS NOT. I WONT BE READY TO DIE, WHEN THE DAY COMES. And I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. I am writing this while crying, realizing that the box of chocolates only has so much chocolate. And there isn't any more for me. I really, REALLY dont want to die. But every day it becomes harder to fight my wish to just make the pain stop. I'm scared. It's so unfair. I just want someone to hug me and tell everything is going to be OK.",-0.6868565305662067,1.1470709702233286,1.4803084818407406,100.76284034513876,87.43672456575682,4.4576810286487705,14.866286938867585,5.565023196281405,-1.0997786600496278,1383,23,355,8,44,461,166,403,0.133,0.731,0.136,-0.5346,0,0,0,0,1,1,76.0,0,8,4,1,26,20,1,1,15,1,47,10,0,3,5,65,76,41,5,8,16,0,5,3,0,7,6,0,1,0,17,17,1,2,12,0,1,7,15,4,0,7,10,6,44,16,49,52,16,46,1,1,1,3,19,10,0,8,32,248,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618914278792123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050368606914148864,0.09125494762797197,0.0,0.18618450054425986,0.0,0.07307680106378786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135273402804812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076179788085892,0.21315012575935904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430148145440465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230737938230816,0.0845560323174082,0.19367628279758808,0.0,0.0,0.0845479726961716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707514033735512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961674846566825,0.0,0.07425975289045507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177865623123991,0.05902869213927756,0.23800441854813126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316915831151322,0.0,0.09391757188322092,0.06930354496303684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759157974286451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622879224307066,0.13470394482234346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918092055049321,0.121102026563824,0.08281388629675253,0.29184435630705513,0.0,0.06938580735868871,0.0,0.0,0.07024645735568479,0.0,0.0,0.05515411442883684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429611898894236,0.12253363670140795,0.06372697879059219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928276354818359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396057268070999,0.06284150021043591,0.08792087444150648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879877291700778,0.08495424098447686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272396688268374,0.0,0.0,0.07522044979172755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000952590383391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907980956817622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282478584717233,0.07221957488031791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489365786290947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454127430995098,0.0,0.07832066413076459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974710029860292,0.06558540755335432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501688664629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869579724503439,0.0,0.0,0.05320903103910227
suicidewatch,dumpsterfire1000,2019/03/16,My dad hung himseld in a hotel Ever since that day my life has changed. I was one of the few who stood by him and he figured I could take. Its been 6 years and im still barely hanging on. I want to kill myself cause the pain is too much not having him here. But my nieces and nephews and friends smiles keep me from doing it. I cant bring it upon myself to put them thru what ive been suffering from. Suicide is a permanent solution to lifes bullshit problems.,1.6148958333333316,3.5360781979166696,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,79.52083333333334,5.516666666666668,23.166666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.4775291666666664,361,12,78,3,9,117,76,96,0.205,0.706,0.08900000000000001,-0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,11,3,0,1,1,13,16,5,2,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,4,0,14,1,11,11,2,10,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401081483995596,0.2512773806048323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964998910922687,0.0,0.0,0.15318850179730256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486131025675287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835166487467342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565753413463117,0.0,0.0,0.2111293725288907,0.2627939858572909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355517795184708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746133648359648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095784353116874,0.0,0.2527508155938632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272860628958097,0.0,0.2387852859972571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964889408023709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969337730006325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982147590808363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859451715203972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010253911806198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296283251868267
suicidewatch,Happlestance,2019/03/16,"I'm just not sure how to get help. Started business. Failed. Some friends died. 4-5 months barely moving. Homeless - staying in vehicle/friends. Brother kicked me out when I forgot to lock the door the third time, but that was nice for two weeks. Full time job with insurance. Lied on application about address since homeless and scared. Panic attacks trying to talk to HR. EVERYONE IS JUST GIVING ME PATS ON THE BACK AND TELLING ME I'M DOING GREAT AND I'M REALLY FUCKING NOT. Mood goes from good to end it all on a day to day basis",1.476171617161718,4.1976947029702965,2.1072871287128727,91.94720132013205,92.06930693069307,4.6735313531353135,22.574917491749176,6.42735559955562,0.7056648184818481,419,16,79,5,15,129,80,101,0.16899999999999998,0.654,0.177,0.4438,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,2,4,0,3,1,0,1,2,15,11,6,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,2,0,4,5,15,9,3,18,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,1,10,44,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220138504544383,0.0,0.148792475847421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495878821780225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082639128815205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171386929438225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490117074358145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990011075747199,0.17889114252556385,0.1010977475147492,0.1856264746275974,0.0,0.16230180445008935,0.0,0.21333861965209727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970151644546493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202266069489826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445288487126174,0.20566391312362095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270350134097756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396348749854275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937310581080653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006834073995144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696298368779658,0.2062493014227392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823750389322438,0.0,0.0,0.15553102247648806,0.1691308478656547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256672406443514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313763764441158,0.0,0.189025092761037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521707422525174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,annabananue,2019/03/16,"I’m either going to run away tomorrow night or kill myself. hi, my name is Anna and i’m 16 years old and live in the southwest area of British Columbia, Canada (vancouver) and I need some advice. I live in a very toxic borderline abusive house right now (me, my twin sister, single mother and older sister) Me and my mom never had a very good relationship, we fight all the time. my mom doesn’t get along well with any of my siblings for the matter of fact. My mom is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but doesn’t take medicine as she doesn’t believe in mental health. I myself was diagnosed with depression and adhd 2 weeks ago (I’m really starting to think im bipolar aswell) and i got prescribed lexapro. My mom never believed i had anything wrong with me even though there are crystal clear signs, she didn’t even take me to the doctor to get tested, my older sister had to because she refuses to. my mom has told me on multiple occasions ever since i’ve been prescribed that i’m lying about having a mental illness and that they don’t even exist. she came into my room today and told me “if you want to pretend to be a crazy person, go and live at a mental hospital where all the other fucked up people go, i don’t care, nothings stopping you” and proceed to hide my anti-depressants. This all happened because i asked my mom last night if i could go see a movie with one of my closest friends and get sushi (spring break started yesterday, it was a friday night, everyone was out having fun) and instead of saying just yes or no she went on a rant about how i’m a terrible person and that i’m killing her and that i’m not going anywhere, she started calling the friend that i was supposed to go with racist names (she’s brown) and belittling all indians and white people aswell (idk what white people had to do with this, i just wanted to watch how to train your dragon) my mom is a ticking time bomb and this has been happening constantly for years. i don’t feel safe around her, i can’t talk to her about anything. whenever i’m about to come home from school i cry because of how afraid i am to go home. i was gonna kill myself last night but i’ve changed my mind. i’m very unstable at the moment. nothing excites me. I’m extremely empty, i feel nothing and nothing scares me anymore. I’ve been feeling like this for a while and i use self harm to cope but it doesn’t work anymore. my mom is extremely toxic. i know she’s dealing with her own problems but she’s a constant roller coaster and i don’t even talk to her anymore. i don’t leave the house. i just sit in my room. when i stay in my room and do nothing she gets mad at me and calls me lazy and when i ask her to go out she gets mad at me and makes a huge scene and tells me no. she doesn’t want me having friends and tells me that my friends are dumb and makes fun of them when i try bringing them up. she gets mad at me every single day and makes snarky remarks too, i don’t remember the last time i’ve felt genuine love from her. i don’t even know how to love. tomorrow night i’m gonna “run away” (not really, just spending a couple nights at a friends) my mom doesn’t know about this bc i’ll be sneaking out tmr night and my friend will come pick me up. i hate this house so much, if i stay here and stay with my mom i know i’ll end up killing myself. i’m not afraid of dying at all. i know this is really dark but this is just how i feel. i don’t really know what to do. i’ve been seriously depressed since i was a child and tried killing myself three times. i told my mom that and she couldn’t care less about it. i’m gonna write a note and put it on my bed tmr, i already packed some clothes, my makeup etc and brang some money with me.


TLDR; my mom is crazy and invalidates me and my mental health issues in every way possible. either planning on killing myself or running away in the next couple days lol.",2.72422849127182,4.169819723192024,3.833845854114717,89.89533237219455,74.96009975062344,6.708260598503741,24.376636533665838,7.292943589461545,0.9144145261845388,3046,95,653,34,64,988,315,802,0.166,0.737,0.097,-0.9964,0,0,0,0,1,5,72.0,1,3,3,2,35,40,13,3,27,2,53,11,0,10,10,130,128,60,7,10,21,16,5,1,6,4,8,1,6,4,22,57,0,3,13,2,2,17,24,23,1,2,22,11,114,17,82,98,16,107,0,2,5,3,76,38,2,9,47,400,136,4,0.0,0.047084516005366416,0.0,0.0,0.04775885900143815,0.03883273762108149,0.03522644961459484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385325331614487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02702405441905605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823198068178765,0.0,0.0,0.06540403761238718,0.035376359938436235,0.0743016733710319,0.0,0.11200900758822906,0.0,0.0,0.07267403843821972,0.0,0.0,0.08954505844097772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115643984065213,0.045451118205740285,0.08103363281825157,0.0,0.04203885991130616,0.06846369455484269,0.0,0.08588802865524574,0.0,0.03172855951121853,0.08794145408375614,0.043651702862976524,0.05125706063616799,0.04096942438584443,0.10268207985094327,0.0806690095716501,0.041243070079249336,0.0,0.04554462621578576,0.04067480883310305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03519718248258485,0.0,0.04431977113780744,0.13123700744198938,0.03594642900408212,0.06696406834732413,0.03797255875484465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037344038576545,0.028389729928402756,0.03815591434983962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842146874379184,0.03673829858921577,0.12457271553385857,0.0,0.1806778639109876,0.03333139958342998,0.031783110476432015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028257949496626,0.0,0.0,0.03923428460382958,0.0,0.0844819342388747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797234208021616,0.0,0.0,0.13756128568277676,0.0,0.0,0.042925211993179016,0.04147745503117197,0.0,0.0,0.2637935702066763,0.0,0.1310379234263887,0.09717838415190408,0.0,0.04207813050555916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019414591465774917,0.0,0.10527146405094706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173245381587923,0.0,0.07957877887826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601912790042324,0.0,0.040125316640530526,0.5585055868954728,0.0,0.0,0.029212923046682514,0.02946615219671515,0.06129872275500173,0.0,0.04226314586890316,0.26104817524274265,0.0,0.19065442275085226,0.0,0.04169966064007248,0.0,0.02692834595595357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265058214111128,0.06939756494234539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480003626469513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380250977420668,0.0,0.03994892482068011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183193094048637,0.0,0.0,0.04266508518811017,0.045016826381570035,0.033937104505953095,0.0,0.03160224860716833,0.039785924324127635,0.04021824511044604,0.0316670391865044,0.0,0.041456707169535055,0.0,0.0,0.065745440649129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438294237524548,0.12707026707713528,0.0,0.033223794498422665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975794454248288,0.06388181173151951,0.06946771653211077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025463308403217918,0.039043613816966506,0.0,0.0926891108363495,0.0,0.03766816478398703,0.11391767626453395,0.0,0.05396068779295116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03432195496235201,0.0,0.09836713543846404,0.07031772220435073,0.031543168926912696,0.03187643132312648,0.0,0.0357303604925398,0.03683868520079109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028930649114378124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344863423963223,0.0,0.051181551418686085
suicidewatch,ffacuriosxd,2019/03/16,"It’s so sad seeing how many people want to die It’s so sad seeing so many people post “Well today is the day” and “Goodbye, I’m doing it tonight” like so many people struggle with this thoughts and its something that happens per minute. If this sub only has 120k and so many peoples lives are so problematic that they’d rather just disappear from the world makes me wonder how many people attempt or kill  themselves daily worldwide...

I don’t think the average persons aware of how many people struggle with this issue. Most people who have suicidal thoughts keep it a secret it’s weird and tragic knowing that person sitting next to you is probably the last time you’ll see them again...

Ps: I’m also thankful for this sub like were all in our own little world together where we share our deepest secrets and that there’s people who can actually understand what I’m going through. Feels nice.",4.2417357001972364,6.5885668224852125,4.374414201183432,83.76738067061146,73.08284023668641,6.400157790927023,27.24299802761341,7.3011,1.5782541222879694,719,27,125,8,15,223,113,169,0.185,0.726,0.08900000000000001,-0.965,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,3,2,2,1,16,13,1,2,5,0,11,0,0,4,1,29,30,17,3,3,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,17,8,0,1,9,0,0,2,1,7,1,0,3,4,9,6,9,25,3,16,0,3,3,0,14,5,0,4,9,75,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.09451095120014227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745035438199095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245978971430656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051428826976562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04896991870782362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504169204128825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564352074330757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108551239489448,0.0,0.08608411242324854,0.10714940679131227,0.0,0.05322584531269064,0.07894511004689568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463135695189012,0.09706844704111164,0.08551971085780811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464766327171995,0.5891399662718678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030003348172524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365826080546961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5371449101166949,0.1691301553068487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275486276600822,0.0,0.1044199315581525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231529071380435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455932677599153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202495844078379,0.0,0.10593742061628694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916582811852326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205712417201253,0.0,0.15377506032128152,0.05647360870669368,0.0,0.09180181704260797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008235422929166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712422948906111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707915651353852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502894018038833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onions___,2019/03/16,"Nostalgia makes me want to die (English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes)
I know everyone experiences nostalgia and I know nostalgia makes you feel sad, but I can’t look at an old picture or go into a part of my town I used to live in or listen to old music without hating myself and wanting to end it all. This probably sounds ridiculous but I always think about how happy I used to be when I was a younger and then I look at how sad I am today and I get depressed and suicidal. I don't know if it's puberty (I'm a female in my early teens) or what and I do have mental health issues and I'm seeing a therapist regularly but nothing seems to help and the only thing that keeps me here is my fear of death and two people extremely close to me. I want to die but I'm so scared of dying",1.9377586206896569,3.5797367988505786,4.260436781609196,85.17824137931036,77.5632183908046,7.168735632183907,24.818390804597698,8.021203637495839,1.4651521839080464,649,23,135,11,15,226,107,174,0.247,0.6940000000000001,0.059,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,0,1,7,9,2,2,6,0,9,1,0,6,1,38,34,23,5,5,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,11,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,8,0,2,1,6,22,1,19,32,2,16,0,3,3,0,3,7,0,5,8,90,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069698724898823,0.0,0.0,0.09046935089201387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458410308960665,0.0,0.41421250723567704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783081113771822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712203317046353,0.0,0.1301351799328034,0.0,0.14970299734664422,0.06726722855778057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316074000784845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950605645894876,0.0,0.0756076827662118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161977933254494,0.0,0.1313459559316925,0.0,0.14141152978331978,0.0,0.0,0.08917153098346277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885549426205962,0.0,0.118248913177044,0.0,0.0,0.21934006812581194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747362642749128,0.0,0.22343423093503012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760573248942166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406945535765966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765206584840566,0.0,0.2791987591517285,0.0,0.0,0.1011802182954929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406551562519446,0.0,0.092230726512559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343579869957726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319269908309858,0.0,0.1060128297349355,0.12111139143282658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892341865754807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552028823929852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446557714691142,0.08838350878015669,0.08524438809514334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261030030674338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995728483159227,0.0,0.0,0.2298015640909431,0.0,0.0,0.2354050426847376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282423944624963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Animeborl06,2019/03/16,"I’ve woken up for the past few weeks feeling empty. I don’t want to live, even though I have a girlfriend who loves me. Parents hate me, grounded for 3 months and I don’t want to be on this Earth. ",0.5943023255813955,2.2314804651162845,2.049011627906978,99.51909883720931,81.55813953488372,4.3,20.05232558139535,3.1291,-0.6848093023255815,152,4,37,0,4,49,34,43,0.13,0.6859999999999999,0.184,0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964431803274487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814587826227606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283215555307445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936453085968607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001368708092611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654360371106708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692543596420985,0.0,0.3174539724672256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267259783469301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922899604879036,0.0,0.266749339830101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arsParodoxia,2019/03/16,"I’m crying and I don’t know who to talk to My friends or the few that’s left, have heard my depressive side too much and I always feel bad for being a burden and having them repeat the lines of this isn’t you.

If how I am in this awful state isn’t who I am when I’m at my best, then what am I? How should I present myself? I don’t want to be a fraud, I’m constantly thinking about ways to off myself. Yet no one will believe the way I’m thinking, the way I’m terrifying myself... is me. 

I don’t know who I am anymore ",1.0118267419962308,1.7745788644067808,3.423333333333337,93.8712900188324,78.15254237288136,6.261393596986817,20.738229755178907,6.42735559955562,-0.0005340866290017843,398,9,101,3,9,139,70,118,0.213,0.715,0.07200000000000001,-0.9521,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,6,5,0,0,6,1,16,0,0,2,0,14,28,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,2,18,2,10,23,3,15,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,6,73,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841925738281361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953359705131373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482968632221425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494014140382163,0.23230785175467225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392158335536985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24315794994713796,0.0,0.0,0.19066048130461694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192828522491116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102527053054448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24331172085625904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405126242065553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272800404356216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500019694230661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792399105602866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836822146267127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056621738854168,0.5271252978501573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,minds_ii,2019/03/16,Any body else have multiple failed suicide attempts? It's mad that I'm still alive. Jesus christ whys it so fucking hard to die!?,0.4788461538461526,2.9405626538461576,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,95.53846153846158,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.3102615384615386,103,4,21,1,4,32,25,26,0.398,0.526,0.076,-0.9006,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577180464163581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209591410144544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393319347430783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165875027579308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503590687856621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394898632388489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026523329196421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145404386038093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lexibxo,2019/03/16,"I cant do it anymore Hi reddit, this is my first and last post. I'm not really sure how it works, so if something is in the wrong place I'm sorry.

​

I just found out that an acquaintance of mine committed suicide last night. this is the third person I know to commit suicide, and the second in 3 months. I'm in high school and they all went to my school. In the past 6 months I've been hospitalized 3 times and I had to go through countless programs. I'm always suicidal and I've attempted at least 6 times. Maybe more I can't remember. I always fail one way or another and end up in the ER. I decided I can't do this any more and I'm killing myself today. I don't know how, I want to make sure it's a foolproof plan though. Please suggest easy ways that don't require me to go buy things. Don't tell me ""suicide is not the answer"". I know. Everyone says these things but it doesn't matter at this point. It's over. Please suggest ways to make it less painful on my family. My sister is 11 and I want to do it in the least traumatizing way to her.",1.2504315476190475,3.081089727678574,3.0039285714285704,92.52440476190479,80.29464285714286,6.409523809523809,21.827380952380953,7.447530270364453,0.648154166666667,825,25,188,12,21,274,120,224,0.127,0.794,0.079,-0.8019,0,0,1,0,0,5,28.0,0,0,1,6,5,6,1,0,9,0,17,1,0,4,5,35,33,15,5,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,16,9,0,1,7,0,1,3,9,4,1,4,4,1,22,2,22,29,6,34,0,1,0,0,9,15,0,2,11,114,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745030362493205,0.11361524267721528,0.12741579039648265,0.07130806723154921,0.10995434626765167,0.0,0.0,0.10399246410426463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287440795928263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001977619884839,0.0,0.0,0.09885222021083953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919345144946572,0.0,0.11497304785115915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918815980784495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078983671957598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601151914424153,0.0,0.1728841444121454,0.1709490032620931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998908346519584,0.0,0.1053454787343644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673957318337057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840355316799568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105552239073037,0.0,0.11157791905448436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001002739174258,0.0,0.09155928547725707,0.1095558768785613,0.2302085215183959,0.09912613699701102,0.0,0.10042643127701137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717569156371911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187853914290668,0.0,0.0,0.0833884965373307,0.0,0.2122468584320433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072597902946138,0.0,0.1173816441179088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587971681020792,0.0,0.19765770730478505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165183958112727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393280072005464,0.0,0.10302394288621852,0.0,0.12228885504482705,0.0,0.09939456105489317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236977196873774,0.3329304146087449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720582264545503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633897712423625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146474205326481,0.12741579039648265,0.0
suicidewatch,Sweetsxxc,2019/03/16,I miss you so much And I know tonight you don’t even care. You’re always in my thoughts and I know right now you’re not thinking about me at all. I am so so broken. My whole body aches. ,-1.8935714285714305,-0.008065595238093692,-0.21714285714285708,109.08714285714287,97.8095238095238,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.8146,143,3,39,0,6,45,30,42,0.188,0.736,0.076,-0.5774,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,3,7,3,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29115980438834205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886800106846022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567647181874625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111753649658226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846115593997839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572299894676396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29882805704442705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421332305240949,0.0,0.2777958029576953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906709467385736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lucifersnature,2019/03/16,"Why doesn't anyone care... I typed out a whole post about how nobody really cares and nobody asks if I'm doing okay but
 I got frustrated and it was f****** stupid
 because I'm f****** stupid and I'm a f****** 
loser so f****** f*** this I wish I was f****** dead... maybe ill be strong enough soon... I'm so sick of reaching out and everybody telling me they're proud of me for reaching out but then don't even talk to me. 
why doesn't anybody ever f****** check up on me.... im done",-4.631374074074074,-11.962837329999996,-1.1797777777777758,106.81937037037041,217.3,1.9407407407407409,8.851851851851851,4.4756072100314475,-1.9218703703703703,337,7,87,3,54,116,63,100,0.23,0.5920000000000001,0.17800000000000002,-0.8856,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,3,0,2,1,8,2,0,1,1,13,17,11,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,5,10,12,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390408090394755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577053163366105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341753139324567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488279455552439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225246098237516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274295891397588,0.0,0.14537873814226776,0.1990995753101141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603984521448393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377535603597236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112727962976714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210801866563327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100631665635888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691384009718786,0.1923834055635399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972250480439374,0.2457418425561091,0.2531124320428517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2ffar,2019/03/16,"I am sick of my 30 years lonely life...  I am alone my whole life. Never had girlfriend, never been wanted. I am tired to read bullshit that everyone eventually find someone. Or other crap like be confident... How can I possibly be confident and feel attractive person if I have no context... 30 years old men is loser. I will never be confident. I tried my whole life to be. Meditation, medication, hobby... Yes how the fuck hobby is going to fix relationship issue?? Because it is typical advice here. Or what the hell ""go out' means for 30 years old men, where all friends are in relationships of got married and don't have time for social meetings anymore.

Oh don't do escort!! Why not?? I waisted youth, was stupid and naive that someone will love me but it did not happen. If I would hire escort at least I would expirienced sex while I was young and in prime age. Now I don't even have courage to get one... I am so down.",1.9129213483146081,4.4602522584269675,3.5259438202247217,85.63520786516854,82.59550561797751,6.481348314606742,22.94494382022472,7.7348632917899725,1.3127429213483135,714,25,138,13,20,236,114,178,0.157,0.765,0.078,-0.9142,0,3,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,4,0,2,1,29,11,2,2,4,24,39,13,0,5,7,0,1,1,2,4,6,0,0,3,6,5,1,0,3,1,0,2,9,6,0,1,6,1,17,5,13,25,4,22,1,2,0,3,10,6,3,4,15,95,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189761717122014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979509934199835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386056439910965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228051113078584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915080226990191,0.0,0.0,0.12897597039203226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824824825755059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336620994120465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428262255630044,0.12478373505687973,0.0705197270397277,0.0,0.15342067792117178,0.0,0.10795315486218034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935940306974853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088055131008967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860139922774364,0.06594277173232943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182169365034287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702913821347766,0.0,0.13597477146926742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31230693336315474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832705707716158,0.0,0.09146366914972144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785640176461808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216588874459508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350131734786894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898288103007107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375916934853424,0.2287305497731885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870596824981932,0.155135799722963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164028313247964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961272345481503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179542953579026,0.30139321189762674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176707455030914,0.0,0.0,0.26076160562471445
suicidewatch,seijurou_chan,2019/03/16,"My bachelor thesis hit a block. Can't stop thinking about suicide. I'm 22 years old in from Indonesia. I'm currently at the last stage of my College life. I've been too long here. The object that I analyze was too hard to obtain any information from it.  The home industry that I made into the object is already bankrupt. I'm already too stressed to worked it. My mom got a cancer and I'm afraid I can't fulfill her wish. Most of my friends already graduated. I've been a student for too long that company would overlook me for a job. It's been a week I've been isolated myself in my room. I didn't take any bath, and I only ate once a day. I can't stop thinking about suicide. I already look for some technique, like using doorknob and belt, or jumping at the bridge near my apartment. I'm gonna leave a notes first tho.",1.2962195923734399,3.5583235562130184,3.0835009861932927,89.67805884286653,82.66863905325444,5.885733070348453,25.956936226167002,7.1686216300943375,1.2813902695595003,647,28,134,9,18,215,100,169,0.19,0.752,0.058,-0.9691,2,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,2,12,0,11,3,0,2,0,17,27,5,2,2,1,1,1,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,6,4,1,3,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,9,2,16,2,17,15,2,21,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,3,12,75,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.605137648084485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645449876844308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841298756526693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661037053097735,0.0,0.0,0.10591692583516196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964498223120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280748897363412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751443653927428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604263928292948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174826340019016,0.0,0.14516061525902624,0.0,0.0,0.09683212173889197,0.06697621800954763,0.0,0.0,0.24264418147889066,0.11512273804868522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971974886501195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056047334897522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385497458842209,0.14599848747714916,0.0,0.1042646305160631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923007237659115,0.15703840310489536,0.0,0.0,0.2999127564945634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030761097532072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756860140853032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840345660245966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099669193363002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764901451727062,0.0,0.0,0.09980459623155792,0.0,0.0,0.09738621121560924,0.0,0.0,0.08828274218202735
suicidewatch,ThisGirlLovesThatGuy,2019/03/16,"Homeless...Again. (Mobile formatting. Many apologies.)

I'd like to preface this by saying that I'm not really suicidal; that I'm at my wit's end, I'm scared, and I'm not sure what to do this time. 

The first time that I found myself homeless, my mother's house was foreclosed. She and I didn't have anywhere to go. We spent some time at hotels/motels, and with family before she found a place for us to live. I was a naive teenager at the time, probably about 14. I didn't quite understand what any of that meant, at the time. 

My mother is a nurse. When I was 17, she would take contracts in the city, almost 4 hours away from where she and I had lived. She would return once or twice a month. Around the time I turned 18, she decided that she wanted to move to the city she was working in. She helped me move into my own apartment, as I was working full-time and was easily able to afford it. However, I had never been on my own before and I had absolutely no knowledge of how to take care of myself. 
(I feel that it's worth mentioning that I have a very significant medical and mental health history. I was in and out of BHUs and mental health facilities between the ages of 12 and 19. This prevented me from attending school regularly, socializing, and learning the basic skills of living.)
After three months in my apartment, I landed myself back in the local inpatient facility. I lost my job and my apartment. When I was discharged, I spent a week in the house of an ex-SO and family to make the transition to a youth homeless shelter. However, they only allowed people to stay there for one month. 

That month went by very quickly. The staff at the shelter said that they would allow an extended stay if the inhabitant could find a job. I was able to find a part-time job less than a week before my time there was up, but was not allowed to stay. I had a panic attack, and started banging my head against the hardwood floor. I called my mother and begged her for help. She contacted my father (the man that abused us for years) and he said he would allow me to stay with him and his family until I found other arrangements. 
I was unable to find other arrangements, and was unmotivated to do so. I stayed there for 18 months before an abusive episode occurred (four months ago) and I left with an order of protection. 

In my time at my father's, I'd found a different part-time job. My new coworker/friend allowed me to stay with her and her boyfriend. They made promises of a lease-free low rent, so that I'd be able to save money toward my own apartment. However, my biweekly paychecks added up to just enough to pay a third of the rent and my monthly car insurance payment. The three of us encountered a few other problems with living together that made it almost unbearable. Today, they signed their new lease, and I was told that I needed to leave, due to the multiple disputes we've had over the past four months. 
I packed up my car with my essentials, and asked if I could store the rest of my things in the apartment. They agreed to this, but asked that I pay a $50 storage fee each month. Seeing as how I've already paid rent for this month, I asked if the remainder of this month's rent could go toward that. (This would allow me to store my things for 3 months before I had to pay again.) My coworker said that it would be okay. 

I'm now going to be living out of my car. I will try to find an open full-time position with my current employer. I'm lucky enough to work in a place that has a locker room with a shower. There is a laundromat nearby. I can park my car in the parking garage where I work. 
I'm concerned about sleeping in my car. I'm also wondering what I'll be able to do about food, as I can't easily store it in my car, and I obviously won't be able to cook. 

I know that I've been in similar situations before. I've survived worse than this, I think. I'm sure that I can survive this, too. I'm scared, though. I feel hopeless and lonely. I'm afraid that this will be an ongoing issue in my life. ",4.136769782262348,5.067998436183398,5.090897282704907,84.23042983271375,70.83395291201983,8.391299345016817,26.30662506638343,8.686720106664362,1.7224639936271902,3146,96,648,53,56,1030,322,807,0.083,0.86,0.057,-0.971,19,2,0,0,1,1,110.0,4,0,6,10,24,18,1,4,50,1,53,8,2,11,4,102,101,43,1,15,10,5,2,1,0,9,4,4,6,1,43,40,2,2,18,1,16,13,9,10,0,8,40,7,102,8,107,43,10,115,0,4,1,0,48,48,0,9,48,429,145,15,0.2320369256248001,0.10997032556260868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411373468518855,0.0,0.09294058533950983,0.0,0.05121170347812806,0.037111969117904084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03155861326201733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131241169821582,0.13015392166600545,0.05279510016728353,0.04360126596260209,0.03568441460416538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369356000555104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738712886929528,0.0,0.04731542202498353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111575624569538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848584014715816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041103168779044574,0.09590246862016566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124625763291276,0.0,0.04692993661017013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966203705417887,0.03947409808006731,0.05611599430205976,0.2035332098349072,0.035854230629047946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912315927537399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762736566914167,0.098657760561339,0.0,0.0,0.062211784047132214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570192629222637,0.10709578331881488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843725305328162,0.18420867583810666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02550428520670814,0.0,0.0,0.04913872014989894,0.05042175972444534,0.0,0.03277890854318686,0.0226723042444885,0.0,0.20489285644024416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065914289862362,0.0,0.0,0.08782357977773361,0.03097728993016208,0.047049804589593416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0467505582088629,0.09353545814497867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445031846535586,0.09864741215199756,0.0,0.03441048804431609,0.03579223633291316,0.0896410834728139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494223505848778,0.031446845193239925,0.035294907584396296,0.0,0.054449067414433415,0.0,0.10050935144733013,0.04430110020685537,0.03217303761092505,0.0,0.09697168029431633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050035010248847836,0.04440560011032612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049359966478341885,0.0,0.0,0.029729759240060025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243215131429653,0.03690501530741765,0.09292377668775356,0.04696675131850628,0.03698067756018632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052163845273670406,0.04644089998349179,0.04730648491508127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03284738604894708,0.2967845870648332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076214710330925,0.0,0.08747682254286236,0.0,0.06978515628726185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061662009173966525,0.02973597853999213,0.0455950202621092,0.0,0.21648415571735574,0.0,0.043988774825347264,0.04434424523169797,0.0,0.03150756823908305,0.05047790879985139,0.0,0.04831172455942262,0.16746711094411842,0.0,0.0,0.0765819058052701,0.02737227812058986,0.0,0.07445041019384853,0.0,0.0,0.04302011094653412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050326829561506886,0.13514051632104065,0.0,0.04729309013616307,0.1977988493990711,0.0,0.0,0.02988483449458632
suicidewatch,jacksonsmith910,2019/03/16,"i have a suicidal yet toxic friend and i don’t know what to do he has attempted multiple times and i’m afraid that if i leave he’ll try again, i’ve been texting him and he does not seem like he’s on a good state of mind. i don’t even want to loose him. but i can’t deal with people that push me and others down. and i need help",-0.8767105263157902,0.8131929078947415,1.467631578947369,101.46092105263156,87.02631578947368,5.378947368421053,14.76315789473684,6.6274283507984215,-0.8089684210526316,255,4,69,3,8,86,54,76,0.103,0.77,0.127,0.4009,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,13,7,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,9,3,6,11,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,4,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122595361098821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26505534711044976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000516613479392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340070011815378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25404426661681645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301639119859435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645682235516165,0.0,0.0,0.320709839325368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797355383299945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058259408878426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458423943755906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998124679138624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757337162495581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313053329767378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661377469948186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563797992020305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786485055216017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mypasswordisnothard,2019/03/16,I want someone too shoot me with a sniper Please ,1.939,4.171886900000004,1.2900000000000027,103.625,80.0,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.8489999999999998,39,1,9,0,1,11,10,10,0.218,0.455,0.327,0.0516,0,0,0,1,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7284483888531602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622775999683076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914164602454973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway24874226963,2019/03/16,I don’t want to get help I don’t want to have to learn to be happy. I don’t want to have to spend thousands of dollars and years in therapy just to learn something most people understand naturally. It just seems like such a fucking waste. I throw away all these years of my life just for a shot at maybe feeling normal? What a waste. I don’t really want to die but I don’t want to live anymore like this and if suicide is the only way out then I’m gonna take it. ,0.5480198019801996,2.402296128712873,2.4856336633663396,95.23102475247528,82.76237623762377,5.624158415841586,20.000990099009897,6.742157984588678,0.07985861386138593,363,10,86,4,10,121,63,101,0.129,0.7070000000000001,0.16399999999999998,-0.5307,0,0,1,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,21,22,5,2,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,16,20,2,9,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,5,53,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694558324615526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710596685986196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956376712890931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531342283897512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742691601111855,0.0984857008558172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066630065323104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635043869133036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331461406448952,0.18418732922136705,0.0,0.1664527239812406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937787592566124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184694161368161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336599167385572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130685125927053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076066229907045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160720769606352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451197965426485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619307591493596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173175140514302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155710610717602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962395930453678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559235121592785,0.14962591538607398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427811390683205
suicidewatch,YBB19,2019/03/16,"Trying to hold off a suicide attempt. I am struggling right now, I have been for days. I’m trying my best to not go forward with my attempt. The only thing I can think of is taking all of my meds and going to the train station. I’m sorry if this upsets anyone, but I’m done. ",1.3940677966101729,2.819399593220343,3.612000000000002,90.18342372881357,78.4915254237288,4.7200000000000015,21.969491525423727,3.1291,-0.077124745762712,212,6,45,0,5,73,44,59,0.132,0.8220000000000001,0.045,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,8,13,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889761379899203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836272929865341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429908858981374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765757573952164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071965756247265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30020438728027143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055493267625179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308055245989272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025404467386407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825405050795594,0.0,0.2956269296684032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320625374303727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795525946940911,0.17317541786742746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669854878628882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwwytstm,2019/03/16,"Overwhelmed with life So. I have two kids now. So I didn't think about killing myself for about 5 years. But right now. I feel it is all too much. I have no friends, no feeling of belonging or validation. My husband is always away from me and when he is there he finds excuses to leave the house because I'm that horrible to be around. My son is four, he has trouble already, he is hard to handle and his behaviour is just out of control and I'm to weak to put up with him. I watch the little one all day long (2yo) and can't even motivate myself to.. I don't know theach him stuff or go out with him. We are German but he only counts in English and knows the names of colours and animals only in English because youtube. I never had a job for longer than 12 months, depressed since 14, 3 suicide attempts, BPD diagnosis at 22.

What else. I'm a failure. Not even ""I have to live for the kids"" works, because, honestly, they might be better off without me. I'm just doing everything wrong. Kindergarten teacher pulled me aside yesterday because my son is disruptive and what not... yeah well ok so even my kids are something I did wrong. Like what the fuck. I'm so tired.

I asked my doctor for help 2 weeks ago and she gave me list of neurologists around here and not a single one would see me. Now I don't know where to turn to. If you have anything.. I don't know, if anyone reads this, please ",1.3249999999999993,3.59104185460993,2.5540141843971647,93.494,82.58156028368793,5.603971631205674,22.875177304964534,6.88968998030894,0.6230275177304967,1081,38,234,13,30,346,166,282,0.157,0.736,0.107,-0.9484,1,0,1,0,0,2,42.0,1,1,1,5,22,14,2,1,8,2,26,5,0,2,3,45,44,20,2,3,12,3,3,1,1,2,4,0,0,3,7,17,0,1,9,1,0,3,12,8,1,4,4,6,32,6,35,36,4,28,0,2,3,1,25,13,1,5,13,155,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047780852332128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043778081481652,0.0,0.098352729583267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264891162646566,0.0,0.0972693800045591,0.21044796154163428,0.11050201128152863,0.0,0.11105376284363147,0.0,0.0,0.2882170140914688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045392095013688,0.0,0.0,0.14887006511699044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257251101868786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622988871855027,0.0,0.10180637780470647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098376740736795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874179709106433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342120055007429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623146815305837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953198916386368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803360413171903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132182603675784,0.10927495172006267,0.0,0.0,0.06717637184466944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588490985392772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922766184788457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638812382697646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729628801266358,0.0,0.13077193172313087,0.0,0.25984078932675764,0.0,0.0,0.12515782864302824,0.0,0.0,0.0834888862802853,0.05774705488702332,0.1184684890850914,0.1043736789981552,0.1046041959541587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539261843947336,0.0,0.0,0.0943469380264015,0.0,0.08689136073561105,0.0,0.09116392466145108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601921600747045,0.17979442614475474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974924076572136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188246870074072,0.0,0.0,0.1182330213687799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009430376151208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419092094913666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777711718605173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099693113058956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531190514150354,0.12929274692802994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573845015271026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585470107184014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285687832438021,0.11546523541483307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481374009151948,0.0,0.1062769253802308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394157923476675,0.0,0.08605176087636639,0.0,0.0,0.08396662354845644,0.2584685514114781,0.0,0.07611759083852301
suicidewatch,BamBamPebbz,2019/03/16,"I’m just over it I feel like I continually am dealing with blows to my well-being and I’m honestly just so tired. I’ve lost so many people close to me. I have an incurable STD, I feel like no one will ever love me and that I’ll never truly have any form of happiness or success in my life. 

Thinking of taking a ton of sleeping pills and going to the river and just float away.",1.5094179894179902,3.056542728395062,3.9277954144620817,87.51222222222223,78.50617283950619,6.603880070546737,21.447971781305114,7.447530270364453,0.6722119929453263,295,8,65,4,7,103,58,81,0.114,0.6709999999999999,0.215,0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,3,0,4,6,1,0,2,15,13,7,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,2,8,6,10,11,2,8,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,5,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608419604660194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221867095363476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438421132225405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394621336656947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391836088061136,0.3379403954696908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441997541162715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517803291835305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706133023810535,0.2311038088200506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581899208210644,0.0,0.21346886595685036,0.0,0.0,0.2397945292115025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241908836271986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027232215046974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639734420687081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669117958808766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783388096745004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155270116080138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718453687831876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126602152534612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_YOUR_NAKEY,2019/03/16,"Long time since I've been here. 6 years. Fantasies of death consume me. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I have a wife a house a kid a family that loves me. It doesn't mean anything to me. My heart doesn't skip a beat. My son is a burden I don't want. I'm an asshole.

But the kid has autism. It's hard. So I drink. Thats an excuse cause I drink anyway. I feel okay when I drink but I neglect. So I drink and neglect.

Look. I'm probably not going to do shit tonight. But life is wearing me down and alcohol is my only root.

I feel like an empty shell of my younger self.",-2.393223443223441,-0.6792535384615377,0.4396703296703315,102.93628205128206,103.6153846153846,3.3992673992674,14.652014652014651,5.288315135182226,-1.1383369963369965,440,11,113,3,21,150,78,130,0.18,0.752,0.068,-0.9275,0,0,5,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,10,1,12,11,3,2,0,16,23,8,1,1,4,2,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,3,5,2,4,5,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,4,19,3,6,22,0,7,0,2,1,1,7,1,1,0,6,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760509073236525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367590718688875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072148875218168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6512063052363355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666783800389014,0.0,0.16805991665543374,0.1187251814215642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444882104281592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488723583502357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969343116946788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175935147979709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133291787287252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347678703930003,0.081191363912681,0.0,0.0,0.14707169667999803,0.13955658287845715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499917155707755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810281241273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639393222000292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917943768227595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733709722585102,0.0,0.17059022748739536,0.13747294159532145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690591921446466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980223522956727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702002084812534
suicidewatch,paperboi69,2019/03/16,Anyone flip back and forth from wanting to live and being super positive then right back to wanting to end it all? Idk maybe I’m bipolar. I had a failed attempt like 8 years ago that destroyed my social life at the time. Since then I lost my mom to cancer last year and now my girlfriend of 4 years. I tell myself I’m going to accomplish all these amazing things and I get super positive then the next thing I know all I can think about is getting the gun from under my bed and blowing my brains out so I don’t have to deal with the meaningless bullshit life I have. ,3.245392720306512,4.662709612068966,3.9832183908045984,89.46139846743297,73.56896551724137,6.534865900383142,24.95785440613027,6.937597516519254,0.890970498084291,449,14,93,4,9,143,78,116,0.17600000000000002,0.645,0.179,0.34,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,6,5,7,1,0,5,0,7,5,1,0,3,14,17,9,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,14,4,14,14,3,19,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,15,60,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846007857413575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288124244369995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922599413002353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214885630143304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195924157179808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832011716979373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985773916723138,0.0,0.1080048070556956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044416866592916,0.15490896195941262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684634732833567,0.09284454265450973,0.0,0.16780988243834993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745244519359066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909219527046683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225739846097632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211099761004045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229416686042802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720406425878802,0.0,0.0,0.19372309533120735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610440611245475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250988956302545,0.12177074275990385,0.0,0.0,0.1108145659390333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418247533318092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671409523754184
suicidewatch,ShitSlaps69,2019/03/16,"Fuck you all I really fucking thought this is the chance I could get somebody ANYbody to be of help. I resorted my last chance to go here and I saw many many others get response even if it was one. I guess I really am that pathetic to no even get a slight recognition or maybe “it’ll get better” 
Tomorrow morning I’m heading over to my uncles ranch while he’s away and using his spare .45 to end it all. I’m writing this entire /sr in my note",2.057661290322581,3.719300935483872,3.788911290322584,88.60336693548389,77.27956989247312,7.230645161290322,24.528225806451612,8.07648339933343,1.3535387096774194,349,12,75,6,8,117,67,93,0.103,0.7959999999999999,0.102,-0.2648,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,2,11,19,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,1,11,1,9,13,2,8,0,0,1,2,5,3,2,3,4,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821077944824605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717009851219487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994223263712026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742740406510685,0.0,0.0,0.264623926181892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703922012325021,0.4186436143565309,0.0,0.1138486169369406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067922119999625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558998500971107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427280272572542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329061225137606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061937285165271,0.20125215581485756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357445733361178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566650777608045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159034699767587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301542174356485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,utvarpsaga,2019/03/16,"I want to kill myself because i made horrible mistakes and the guilt is burning me! The thing is i made debts on my partner and mother of my 2 kids. It is very high amount and she found out. She felt sorry for me and forgive me. BUT! She wants and hope i can make some resolution about this debts and i dont know how! I am unemployed and so hopeless. Her parents hate me more then anything now and i feel in such a limbo. I dont know what to do and i think about suicide every day, but i think i am to scared to do it. But i have no idea what to do :( Sorry about my english",-0.5837634408602135,1.4840769677419416,1.6227096774193548,98.15239784946236,89.80645161290323,4.2744086021505385,18.7505376344086,5.6839178017228535,-0.43386172043010696,440,13,105,3,15,147,74,124,0.233,0.731,0.036000000000000004,-0.9728,5,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,2,3,0,12,0,0,4,0,31,26,15,2,4,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,9,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,4,2,24,2,13,22,3,7,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,3,78,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422633969974167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538447838153904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114916422961441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052221271929963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565669318943147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741202435706186,0.0,0.16598944619047773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955118183245498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068067386246852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826544992736628,0.0,0.17170629810773902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951575788010484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912632653562185,0.0,0.19001783174922066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32716161363797697,0.11539702874025587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195993034476824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308046884128625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870442644399625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189099852227358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485208455730304,0.2215457567744145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264198716411222,0.20393517780859394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousButNotAnony,2019/03/16,"I want everything to end but I dont want to die I want to live, it's that simple but I want life to end. Maybe that doesnt make sense but I fall asleep praying never to wake up again. I guess a good way to think of it is, I want to die but I dont want to end it myself. 

There's another post that's went up recently where the OP talks about similar subjects. They want help but I'm at a loss even after receiving help. I've lost everything, I'm alone and worthless. I've spent my life building relationships only to have my partners wipe their feet on me and discard me. I've spent my life climbing over hurdle after hurdle to create a solid career foundation for myself only to have it bulldozed and made obsolete. 

I dont have strength anymore. I need extensive surgery, my eyes are failing me, my body is trying to kill me and honestly I think I'm just going to let it. The process is painful and I havent eaten lately but I dont have motivation to keep going. I dont know how to find a desire to live when I feel like I have nothing to live for. 

I want to die but I want to live and it's a very terrifying and tiring state to be in.",0.9025,2.836449172839508,3.072330246913584,91.06923611111114,81.96296296296295,6.189917695473253,21.647633744855966,7.333567415737692,0.6696695473251038,891,28,199,13,24,303,118,243,0.163,0.632,0.204,0.4716,0,1,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,2,6,8,10,1,0,7,0,18,11,5,4,1,38,46,16,4,11,8,0,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,9,7,1,1,6,0,2,6,8,6,0,0,6,2,31,4,32,38,0,26,1,4,1,0,8,7,0,1,11,119,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894326460115382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905455928969175,0.0,0.0,0.08563608114418153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591547796006362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688532652517113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060082813153932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22944163516246904,0.0,0.0,0.05703341661171856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521177663359378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043661197395718734,0.06168851782209705,0.0,0.0,0.07892241312741245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814948624062572,0.07242635426343914,0.0,0.0,0.09512435358243304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157572832959264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767519229013182,0.09553357498227237,0.0,0.04745574834658856,0.0,0.09740665677948107,0.0,0.0,0.08829881208722276,0.18297485567156896,0.04218628971341437,0.0,0.3049948274789364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426131794584204,0.0,0.0,0.08170653807879455,0.057639352111637725,0.0,0.08675026640414728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402749372818546,0.06659850869804415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285523522336144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134626112169304,0.09188257834210603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269951185343663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852602913707547,0.09270767543916893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940492726500204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065929532988954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924671984672667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862603939880739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124786325791962,0.4583836553238119,0.06854067803464828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004739369774902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,F147X,2019/03/16,"i wonder why im still alive ill cut right to it. my mom and dad are fucking brain dead. i say that ive already tried plenty of times to kill myself and all they basically saying ""oh we cant do anything to help you"".. like.. youre my parents.. any kind of support?.. away from my parents.. recently my sister was killed.. she was the only one that cared about me.. i wont get into how she died.. just very brutally.. my grandparents on moms side dead.. most of my cousins dead.. i really have no one to have contact with.. all the time at school i get bullied, tortured, abused.. its at that point where i could let them do their thing and they will kill me instead of me killing myself.. i get tortured with knifes.. at school.. and no sercurity cameras.. i live in an small town.. so nothing has security cameras.. and i know someone might say well call the cops.. i have.. no evidence. case dropped.. talk to an suicide hotline you might say.. i cant... i blew my voice out fully when i was younger.. so i cant scream for help like i want to.... im really contenplating suicide atm.. problem here is.. there is no highway overpasses or tall buildings.. its just the town i live in.. ill probably do it some really fucking painful way... and im to shy or fucking stupid to actually go get help.... ive just lost motivation for being alive.. ive lost faith in humanity... atleast i have someone to still text to and love... F147X ♡ Lad.. if you actually read this.. thanks. and Lad.. if you read this.. just know.. i love you and i wont let anything harmful happen to you..",0.4174855009136422,2.847879061889252,2.1282895050448896,93.14041550806392,90.62866449511401,5.210105664574562,22.47151823309764,6.807656815369643,0.6970261221895604,1180,46,253,17,41,385,165,307,0.217,0.6920000000000001,0.091,-0.993,3,0,0,0,1,5,99.0,1,7,4,3,16,29,12,0,6,0,29,9,1,2,2,36,49,17,10,5,8,7,0,2,0,5,3,6,0,1,10,14,0,1,4,2,1,1,9,18,1,2,5,6,48,11,31,35,4,27,1,2,0,5,34,18,3,9,8,159,58,5,0.0,0.09769727602516956,0.16093098095096073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909926183236286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056073136731336695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357090792873328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747044293999121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204854207777016,0.08419713928278019,0.0,0.08406973103285861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583467558836624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557665966447643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286886647124055,0.17232013136164478,0.0,0.04686183654340298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729158665228506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580623382652293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672009807252915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36490288002124055,0.08586558629781056,0.09063169282865607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686343824098537,0.0,0.08056800248861144,0.0,0.14562091254213164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002166463161412,0.0,0.1488401269668768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494628625217065,0.0,0.19314373072705893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911907924374309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174909592190384,0.06271175993913859,0.08773935620810114,0.0,0.1831160084531236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794789074052222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889018775236936,0.07889957856989213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649573017794974,0.0,0.15847092275730532,0.0,0.08141568521436504,0.0,0.0,0.07041726129318683,0.0,0.2622903550575875,0.0,0.16690043042410566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397299735758069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169947453694453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038769902008905,0.09357047411427752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627528031732187,0.0,0.07591471678256215,0.0,0.0,0.05478032641729173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961619064415389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598244026990845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803511357917569,0.048634883952625815,0.06545000231094887,0.0,0.0,0.07413814960146597,0.0,0.07440401891031045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942038016142738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GodAtum,2019/03/16,"Suicide by being eaten I am planning to kill myself. I will have a holiday of a lifetime safariing in Africa, then on the last night walk out into the bush and get killed by a lion. Would that be painful?",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707385,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,71.92682926829268,7.417886178861789,28.300813008130078,7.793537801064563,1.7795788617886172,160,6,31,2,3,53,36,41,0.33,0.616,0.054000000000000006,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,4,8,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,8,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169086048624305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7161088565436605,0.0,0.0,0.2638059051297504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037097370104756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34437069964700145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35400441035789776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299011798052437,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mychem11,2019/03/16,"it’s all that’s on my mind..  all i can think about day after day is just escaping, ending it all and disappearing from the world. i think about how much better off my friends and family would be, to finally not have to babysit me or walk on egg shells around me. they already live their lives just fine without me around much...

i have bpd, and i attached myself to people i love and it always ends in a broken heart for me. i’m so tired. i don’t want to keep doing this. i want this to stop..",2.384199029126215,3.593809009708739,3.52251213592233,92.73969053398059,75.40776699029126,6.703398058252428,20.64199029126214,7.1686216300943375,0.2427485436893204,380,8,88,4,8,123,70,103,0.065,0.78,0.155,0.7569,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,1,3,23,15,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,16,4,17,13,5,16,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,7,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752199178811206,0.0,0.14893558387554046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186814454507329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830377327547712,0.0,0.0,0.22543400842797645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23086991145381155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170673582263188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873761569924792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607685676962253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828868338473693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210624100083314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590962081656121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31610622071587496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154716106712322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807307751338118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631592554620907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240904332248556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964522738547567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938154015893306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572483663751734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114809806966006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725417861093942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271506968564569,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mimi129,2019/03/16,"Does anyone else wish they could trade places with people who died? Like when you hear a story about someone who was killed, and they seemed so hopeful and happy with life I feel so ashamed with myself. I have life still and I don't want it. I also sometimes envy them, because I would gladly trade places so they could go on to live their beautiful life, and I would finally be free from this emotional turmoil I'm in.",4.5305284552845535,5.912204573170732,4.2741463414634175,88.7608943089431,70.34146341463415,6.930081300813008,24.642276422764226,7.1686216300943375,0.909578861788618,333,9,66,3,6,101,60,82,0.17600000000000002,0.581,0.242,0.7712,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,5,0,7,8,1,2,1,0,8,3,0,0,0,16,16,9,2,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,13,6,8,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,4,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026495633999253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226416945164744,0.17971500368291762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692041280715857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800805421264617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203444475113167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349113914819218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652172758887508,0.19729807179859196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868601782825432,0.0,0.0,0.19213889332428533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968218470599784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671341965473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768522116217424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420884514701498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405084696338312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37166436745049547,0.08569013826447715,0.0,0.15487880727461803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159822890249805,0.0,0.36650516870946775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596748855289948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486133500342785,0.0,0.17347216588679087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007230952542218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345372360364533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016979497008587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919406177666004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monkeypawww,2019/03/16,"A fucking funny story So I step out of my comfort zone today ,by going to see a doctor , trying to reach out for help , maybe some antidepressants or other treatments .

Because I want to kill myself so bad recently , probably because my father died last year ,and even before that I am depressed , and now the stress of my college life is overwhelming , I really need a break from everyone and everything  else , but my mother think I should keep going , so I decided if I am gonna keep doing this college shit , I should get some help.

And that's when the story became funny .

So in my country we have a policy that all male should serve four months military duty , and if you have any kind of mental disease , you can exempt from this duty .

And apparently that the doctor thought that I just want to get away with this duty by faking those symptoms I have(I didn't get to tell him that I want to kill myself though, doubt it would change his opinion) , he didn't said it directly obviously , but you know that's what he means , he then told me that he can't do anything for me ,  told me that I should go to the military hospital instead , then sent me out on my way.

HOW FUCKING FUNNY , Because I finally realized that there is actually nothing wrong with me , I am just trying to avoid FUCKING FOUR MONTHS MILITARY DUTY BY FAKING DEPRESSED SO MANY FUCKING YEARS.

HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHOWFUCKINGFUNNYISTHATHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Probably going to kill myself very soon , I tried not to , I tried reach out ,it just didn't work out for me.


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suicidewatch,belittledwolf,2019/03/16,"My bf abuses me on and off for things i did to him. My bf/ex bf has been very distant and verbally abusive to me by calling me names a lot these days. I have not been a very good girl friend to him i agree- as i cheated on him many times. He was an occasional prick to me , but he was there when i needed him, he was a nice guy. most of his present behavior is my fault.

He did try his best to help me out and be there for even after i was a total bitch, in order to infuriate him i sent him nudes of me and the guy i cheated on after being totally drunk. The guy(affair) left me half naked in a hotel...my bf came and took me home even after all i did to him.

we have finally broken up and i have blocked him everywhere. he used to send me hate mails and then send me sad mails after he has cooled down but now those mails have stopped. 

Every time i think of him - it kills me inside...i really wish i was better to him and took back all those things i did, he was not perfect but he was good.

Now that i have lost him, i want him back but i cant take him back. now all i want is to end it all.

​

sorry for this messed up post.. this is my second id and i'm in tears while typing this. 

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suicidewatch,ghostman1010,2019/03/16,"I want to ask old people, is it worth it to live that long? I am getting drunk on the bench and when i see old folks passing by questions pops in my mind to ask them: “Is it worth to live that long?”. I am 26 and i hardly see myself making through that age.",0.4867857142857162,1.9269583928571408,2.053000000000001,100.29200000000004,81.14285714285714,4.48,18.34285714285714,3.1291,-0.9371814285714288,194,4,49,0,5,63,36,56,0.044,0.857,0.1,0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,11,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,8,11,0,9,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,6,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049748147829148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316212702327838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940268835793032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825153119864967,0.3833601252209273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457907327759725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218699551939566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545607542348469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501599388713371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263635422332125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34519689119889385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775354503552686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FallenSplendor,2019/03/16,"I have run out of reasons to live To cut to the chase, I've been contemplating suicide for a while now, and it's recently gotten to the point where I feel like it's the only viable means of escape from my problems.

Regarding myself, I'm 19 years old, turning 20 in September, and I'm from Germany; I was born in Kazakhstan, however. My life has been a huge shitshow for as long as I can remember and I don't see any room for improvement whatsoever. Hope has proven to be nothing but a perfect illusion for me. But I digress. No one is probably going to read this anyway, but please bear with me as I spill out my soul into this post. I'm not a very good writer, mind you, so I do apologise if I'm rambling or my post comes off as incoherent.

I've been hovering on the margins of society since what feels like forever. I've always had trouble fitting in - be it at kindergarten, primarily school, secondary school, high school, clubs, parties, online chat rooms, etc. For the most part, I feel as if I'm a ghost to others. Despite the fact that I try to put myself out there and engage with others, I feel like no one really acknowledges my presence, and that my absence would change nothing. I feel like I'm easily replaceable. No matter what, it seems as though there is always someone better around than myself, and that no one would even bat an eyelid if I were just gone someday. People would just get on with their lives eventually. In fact, they probably won't even remember I ever existed in the first place.

This sense of isolation and dejection is reinforced by the fact that I feel like I've never once been taken seriously in my life. I was born with a physical dysfunction that hinders me from smiling symmetrically, and people would always poke fun at me in primary school because of this. Someone event went so far as to mimic me each time I spoke in class, and needless to say, this contributed to no small degree to my low perception of myself. I would refrain from talking to people until the day my mum stood up for me. As a result, I regained bits and fragments of my self-esteem, but deep down inside, I still felt like I wasn't good enough, and that I was somehow beneath my peers in terms of who I was. Whatever. Irrelevant.

Fast forward to secondary school. I made a few good friends as I entered grade 5, and I found that I had a lot in common with them. We'd hang out occasionally, play video games and whatnot. However, as I entered grade 7 and puberty came around for everyone, my life went down the drain. To elaborate, I discovered that I was gay as I would feel virtually no attraction whatsoever towards women, whereas my peers would. For some reason, my classmates seemed to have caught on to this, and began taunting me relentlessly. They'd call me all manners of names, such as faggot or queer, and crack disparaging jokes, such as ""he likes to take it up his butt"". When I told my teachers about this, they said it was my fault for acting that way, thus propelling my classmates to poke fun at me. Mind you, I live in a pretty rural area. We weren't even taught about sexuality in sex education to begin with. We were merely shown how straight intercourse works. I was confused about my sexuality. I knew I couldn't tell my parents as I was born into a very homophobic culture (I'm Russian if that matters). In fact my grandfather once said that homosexuality is a mental illness that deserves to be punished by death as it hampers reproduction. So needless to say, I came to feel that something was intrinsically wrong with me. I felt isolated from everyone. I felt like I was the scum of the earth. So inevitably I resorted to self-deception; I tried to convince myself that I was straight. I'd go to tremendous lengths to get myself to like women. To no avail. Internalised homophobia got the better of me. I would loathe myself for being gay. I was going to hang myself but somehow my parents found out and foiled my plan. I was beaten severely shortly thereafter. I didn't tell them I was gay, though. I stammered some sort of lie in the heat of the moment.

This went on until I got into high school.

I've only recently come to terms with my sexuality, but I still hate myself for it. I feel isolated from everyone. I feel like if I were straight, none of this would've happened to me. My self-esteem wouldn't have eroded entirely by the time I was still a teenager. I just can't stop thinking about it, and I'm starting to feel envy and resentment towards straight people even though I know it's wrong. They just remind me of who I am and what I don't have. I feel like I'll never be entitled to a normal life.

The ending might seem abrupt. I could write a book about my story, but I'm wailing inconsolably as I'm typing this and I need to get some rest. For the past few weeks I've been meaning to just end it by jumping in front of a train since I live near a train station. I'm not even scared of facing death anymore. If anything I'm scared of being alive. There's no place in this world for people like me. I feel inferior to everyone else and I abhor myself.",4.9652219197538185,6.00211832193159,5.8283873831222675,79.31156912060601,69.0,8.824926026748726,30.1106048053024,9.088552180705676,2.489241614392235,4028,154,769,74,68,1324,410,994,0.138,0.745,0.117,-0.9829,5,1,1,0,0,2,122.0,3,2,7,7,40,44,5,3,36,0,65,12,2,6,9,147,139,65,4,21,22,3,16,12,1,11,5,5,2,2,43,47,0,2,32,8,0,22,22,17,0,4,53,22,128,27,152,65,17,126,1,2,1,6,37,64,2,22,51,523,171,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621755320171576,0.0,0.0,0.03166038167707952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617207046700484,0.0,0.0,0.03831247454434657,0.08289126721169167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028380737635804325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235183163950628,0.05082822625038549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753994017818699,0.10649769481141086,0.0,0.0,0.04925117191603557,0.08020952988833657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037172005673610495,0.0,0.0,0.03002543730525413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03889243035513459,0.0,0.08247143186409983,0.04810586471400765,0.05192340306546827,0.15375241928321445,0.042113505418149406,0.0,0.17794897609234506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060282783451116,0.23282249580804545,0.13410616995006114,0.0,0.0,0.03960139189885031,0.0,0.10209477605738054,0.035969851305853284,0.0,0.0729723908040069,0.0,0.07937831112400923,0.11714950128636215,0.07447183112975474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117023407285678,0.0,0.0,0.045965435316341334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838013152405813,0.0,0.04624164271485932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025586529970165618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153844838732812,0.27294499916825216,0.0,0.16444286658470295,0.0412015126912262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039581127972319975,0.0,0.044053394122944865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142852393861322,0.0,0.0,0.04691854297626418,0.04938965892232595,0.09401867092578486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03452145302242561,0.07181531418810043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561601127696325,0.0893454653267546,0.0,0.04885377860764018,0.09916344992122396,0.09464475955503687,0.07081744917633331,0.0,0.0,0.10339215989622433,0.05041673413400773,0.04444395986662975,0.1613839369328183,0.0,0.09728438903495504,0.0511056458235058,0.04401144854072437,0.0,0.08917754380784662,0.04736524419827909,0.10039272058900636,0.04454879675542561,0.0,0.04680268133710586,0.0,0.0,0.04656963600755189,0.0,0.029825630071041144,0.09573677622408293,0.09193891473337984,0.0,0.10548009436558216,0.0,0.08857280730548289,0.07404804898937535,0.09322343197984738,0.28270924210717363,0.037099930738771186,0.12715133380747895,0.14570742994843094,0.052596199889996434,0.0,0.07702492424717039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889525275417605,0.03584188166297517,0.0,0.0,0.032953310424944954,0.0,0.11154152969420696,0.038923767628264654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092584197839665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035005097738380835,0.0374207828011377,0.08138580486616034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02983186942661675,0.1372261574443092,0.0,0.054295565367101874,0.0,0.0,0.044487244023086264,0.0,0.06321834409413664,0.050640687079478684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682886276473906,0.0,0.03695480892853879,0.037345246813954916,0.0,0.0,0.12947651923573572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033894077436470334,0.0,0.0,0.2976550497609595,0.10180562265331848,0.0,0.029981205403398412
suicidewatch,milanise7en,2019/03/16,"Chess Imagine that one day you decided to be a champion of chess.

You are born in a country where people teach you how to play chess. They teach you that to win in chess, you have to let your foe eat your pieces.

You find it very easy. Everyone eats all your pieces everytime and you always win.

Of course they were not saying the truth, but you didn't know.

You keep winning and winning and winning, until you have to leave for a tournament outside of your home, confident as ever.

You let your first foe eat all your pieces, with a big smile on your face. You win, but the commentator says that you lost.

Nobody there actually knew that your home taught you chess the wrong way, so when you ask why you lost, everyone stares at you like you're a retard.

But you don't give up. You train and train and train and go to the tournament again, and lose.

At one point, you start having some conspiracies. ""Maybe to win i don't actually have to let the opponent eat my pieces. I have to eat his.""

Of course, when you go home and discuss this, they tell you that you're a retard, and that chess has always been like this since you were born, and that you should just train more.

This lasts for 20 years. 20 years of being forced into training the wrong way.

Then, someone at your home breaks down and confesses. They have been teaching you how to play chess wrong because they got paid to, and didn't want you to become a chess champion.

You immediately realize that because of the greed of your parents, friends, and everyone you knew that secretly hated you, you will never become a chess champion unless you spend another 20 years doing the exact opposite of what you should have done.

But most of all, you were right for 20 years in a row, and everyone hated you for it.

---

This is what being born disabled, invalid, or brain damaged feels like. You are invisible, but also hated to death. You are the toilet paper of the entire planet. Starving african children, jews in the holocaust, rebels in north korea, every single one of those people have a better life than you, because unlike you, they don't have to constantly defend against 7.7 billion people constantly wanting their head on a ruby plate.

Everyone wants you dead.

Everyone.",5.008892371197064,6.5343908554502415,4.902444580339399,84.16055725424249,69.35545023696682,8.099189726341539,26.172144931967587,8.558390810932622,1.7102954288335122,1759,53,336,28,31,543,190,422,0.16699999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.14,-0.9439,1,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,49,7,12,11,29,7,0,22,0,35,9,3,2,7,52,56,30,3,5,9,1,1,3,1,3,1,2,4,1,18,16,5,1,10,11,3,2,7,14,0,5,15,4,60,15,48,32,11,43,2,4,1,0,69,18,0,3,23,233,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.14488592284801885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936595668039349,0.12353946225462373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784220322136244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940000094362889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575948178190345,0.16397415187763367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565510576597038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287116555771422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044401153539456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047875638530431384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596850387723425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798063139641345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671500948396135,0.06254645683801484,0.425610163624495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375356071104954,0.05303372574078968,0.0,0.0,0.06784973541869102,0.0631445232446137,0.0,0.0,0.05735402224470021,0.0,0.0,0.07121328105673305,0.08437928351425265,0.0,0.0593727650261993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198760214940146,0.07618685276797853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978563054035562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598376120764401,0.0,0.0,0.04079778914278599,0.06051169191632085,0.0,0.07860448262610614,0.0,0.227731925589914,0.052434600234311415,0.10880287925549607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305033175815991,0.1620732369781299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457935445435526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572548534108645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091131733370722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242953505969433,0.0,0.0,0.15439626641897095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017637012626242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339655563276765,0.0,0.11806980831811745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140822186203587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289934371688552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254413989866141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488493965412932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125191158806394,0.1313577411094584,0.11784907951460767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698582758721089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349399848688655,0.0,0.19122044258766466
suicidewatch,when-you-do-it-to-em,2019/03/16,"Don’t know how long I can take it I’m 14, I have good parents, I’m well off financially, but I fucking hate life. Every day is a struggle. The rate of good to bad is so low that it just isn’t worth it. Only thing holding me fucking back is the cliche “my parents would be sad”. I went to a councilor but it didn’t do shit. I’ve SHed in the past and have been depressed since something like 6, this would be my second time attempting to commit.",-0.10623923444975958,2.0026571894736875,1.813971291866029,97.43961722488035,87.63157894736841,4.296650717703351,20.215311004784688,5.565023196281405,-0.27552631578947384,343,11,80,2,11,113,66,95,0.258,0.606,0.136,-0.9585,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,13,4,1,5,0,15,4,1,1,1,10,23,5,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,9,1,1,3,0,7,4,6,16,0,9,0,3,0,2,2,3,3,0,6,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478063944613964,0.16049684314295964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396690341996462,0.0,0.16556001349351693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195482320660148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554111809376371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32245238737671195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897788406072738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563985654618613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357716622198077,0.09390966845560887,0.0,0.0,0.17010989357533535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461930394758069,0.0,0.0,0.4268782422693942,0.0,0.183497080304744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973125087827977,0.15900753164731046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798142779177206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009515470723621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445265734657898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770335946866945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208584640361036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283012694698854,0.1781911671767827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27309714042384564,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spicy0nions,2019/03/16,Too weak to actually do it I am not a good person I'm full of hatred for people and I wonder what it would be like to do horrible things. The world would literally be better off without me. I've decided that suicide is the best option and yet I cannot bring myself to do it. What do I do? How can I get the balls to do it? ,0.001607142857142918,1.6571395972222265,3.3353174603174587,89.47000000000001,83.58333333333333,6.336507936507938,18.61904761904762,7.447530270364453,0.32102142857142857,249,6,59,4,7,91,47,72,0.217,0.667,0.116,-0.8506,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,0,14,1,0,1,0,10,18,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,8,14,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2934903199813698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156204023535086,0.26599047886630217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571303741321627,0.0,0.0,0.25225629534275296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693211146117238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085033923908328,0.26260482393404944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32897359596808523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998060961772676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899139506410892,0.3261524391556427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272908225147429,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Seakomorebi,2019/03/16,"Hi. Currently sitting in my car @ 9 am here on the east coast of the US. I just got back home because I failed to make it to my client, and that pretty much ruined my morning, and brought me here to this subreddit. 

For the past 3 months I have been completely stuck. In terms of money, self worth, and patience. The only thing that is actually moving forward is school, and that’s because it has no choice but to. 

For the past 3 months I’ve been seeing a therapist. Though he has helped, I’m coming to the (obvious) realization that if I actually don’t take the advice, nothing in my life will change. 

And so I haven’t. I’ve been doing everything the opposite. I’ve rekindled with something I wasn’t supposed to, and I’ve been keeping secrets and lying more and more. I’m beginning to hate myself more than I ever could have imagined, and the strings holding onto my sanity are slowly, but surely, breaking. 

I feel like I’m becoming a very horrible person because I’m more willing to avoid consequences so I can have just a bit of peace. But it’s only making things worse. And I’m afraid soon enough I’ll end up falling from the highest bridge I can find.  ",4.063023375288978,5.419459545851534,5.070516311328023,82.70209093244287,71.44541484716156,8.008322630362189,28.754431030053944,8.4952907291091,2.0995967634215265,912,35,177,15,17,299,135,229,0.135,0.7979999999999999,0.067,-0.9385,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,1,10,7,1,2,13,0,22,1,0,2,3,31,39,17,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,10,12,0,3,4,0,2,6,4,5,0,0,8,2,18,2,22,28,8,26,0,2,1,0,7,8,0,1,13,116,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.2730190259204385,0.0,0.0,0.13669593728382085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075644524547669,0.0,0.2558214127844485,0.1544941783913748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152720351100589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798187585928935,0.12050024631802927,0.14666883644532105,0.0,0.0,0.11168837034803718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389834309787764,0.14454064387235946,0.0,0.0,0.1265357815528248,0.0,0.0,0.1257213971250004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073105992077316,0.09993528603790143,0.0,0.0,0.12785416491015433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188039634920034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381094312719563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376329360441377,0.0,0.14031804603067327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433797471390515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880631050344342,0.06834171217318004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675128998649754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331290472339274,0.1486777209590365,0.10283302546505306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422532951210328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127807027729148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670759007680581,0.0,0.12214391472439967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231534833209838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157309136758608,0.111471811357763,0.0,0.14593262773634616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769183100568684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318418225951149,0.0,0.10517759936341292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624195648775734,0.1858693866112716,0.0,0.1374382470207398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826681239511504,0.0,0.0,0.11542140815902395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255678289301446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HilariouslyGinger,2019/03/16,"Every night I think about what I want to write in my suicide note. I’ve always had issues with Anxiety and Depression, ever since I was really young. Recently it’s gotten unbearable. Before I sleep every night, I imagine what I would right in my suicide note to my SO and my daughter. I can’t help but feel crushed by my insignificance in the world, and although I love my family, I just don’t want to live anymore.

Sorry if this isn’t the place to put this, I just didn’t really know where else to post.",5.448235294117649,5.401715784313726,6.426274509803921,79.26823529411767,67.62745098039215,9.937254901960783,28.764705882352942,9.725611199111238,2.4462235294117645,398,12,80,8,6,133,66,102,0.14300000000000002,0.755,0.102,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,1,17,14,7,2,4,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,1,16,1,11,9,0,14,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457742148934519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402180183800574,0.0,0.17374390882202986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907593494220778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508930647731828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635087413544776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584716685117209,0.29521451602684284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515592050927266,0.0,0.0885826044119234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742785637628292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828554792929016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628122987002292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469820894615835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811809347392236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32881263304314523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830389004363028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778601093268414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761168757782184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244656347098709,0.0,0.1729814827131028,0.0,0.0,0.14961345881963098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449210667841668,0.0,0.1753190466010493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611368812796076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832643741502813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225629583478858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206666180246568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445174299578078,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lastdays21224,2019/03/16,"I’m ready to give up I’m 37, with a great family, good job, no issues in life. I want to kill my self everyday. People have no clue. I’m so drained putting on a fake smile. The meds don’t work, therapy doesn’t work. I just lie to everybody to get them off my back. I’ve absolutely had enough. I can’t imagine living another 30-40 years like this. ",-0.9124000000000017,1.186494893333336,1.8096666666666683,95.4465,93.4,6.2,18.166666666666664,7.554174236665415,0.4764666666666666,267,8,65,6,10,92,58,75,0.188,0.62,0.192,-0.1633,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,9,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,30,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369814197698987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378057377743605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23351911763657676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305332884202088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180760281772272,0.21680044696712852,0.0,0.1895586489962868,0.0,0.2491665490534968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358859945209691,0.2242708037740319,0.0,0.250036269139762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596309648797823,0.1104125171778466,0.0,0.1995627421665883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25103580878598586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668041631645405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22719310657530695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357679995771441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584514752915063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333010573427318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32906237537252553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455370290733789
suicidewatch,hucka491,2019/03/16,"How to tell my family and friends... I've been battling major depression and constant suicidal thoughts for the last year after a rough breakup. Each day it gets worse, not better. Medication and therapy don't do anything. I went on a trip to Belgium, something I wanted to do for years, and instead of enjoying myself I just replayed every single conversation from my relationship. It wasn't even a long relationship, but it had potential which I fucked up. I know a relationship ending is part of life and it shouldn't drive me to suicide, but it's on my mind 24/7, I don't enjoy anything anymore, I even have nightmares about the relationship on the rare occasions I sleep. 

I've made my choice, I just want to know how to tell my family and friends. I want them to be prepared, as best they can anyways, but I don't want them committing me to a hospital. Been there, it didn't work. Maybe I just need to do it and leave a note. ",4.6577815554611135,5.950885751381217,5.551602209944754,80.05887802804932,69.93922651933701,9.105142371440717,31.050148746281337,9.466822959209583,2.8013362515937104,735,31,143,16,13,241,103,181,0.156,0.742,0.102,-0.8744,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,3,3,11,9,2,0,9,0,16,4,1,3,1,29,28,13,2,6,7,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,8,1,23,6,21,18,5,15,0,1,0,1,12,4,1,0,8,102,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060459480134628,0.0,0.0,0.20014958920067472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276223535092658,0.10755429836234967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141737330102868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842848854961272,0.0,0.10474264714479327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771050033119534,0.0,0.0,0.16064471911113468,0.0,0.10246179945612716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292864596763189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879114060915763,0.11242662745289923,0.06353628601004517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366752013555547,0.09912850631872504,0.0,0.1287675935992211,0.0,0.0,0.08589684796509303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762115913512778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507046779759518,0.0,0.0,0.12217374486071855,0.0,0.0,0.1225094357690138,0.0,0.0,0.12279158803229814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017238801752682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169194558395214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222551747780614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216979790522412,0.0,0.0,0.0936214376171408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660435399409257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125852689555906,0.0,0.13907180913294245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654487801502463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869152777414546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273383079693625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853364022980385,0.0,0.12393113601916438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662590361490275
suicidewatch,delusionaltea,2019/03/16,Tell me it gets better I cant go on any longer 30 yr female bipolar and emotionally unstable personality disorder. I want to die. But I'm too chicken shit to take the pills.,1.5158571428571437,4.001205085714286,4.679642857142858,77.09660714285717,83.85714285714286,8.071428571428571,25.892857142857146,8.841846274778883,2.500285714285715,138,6,27,4,4,50,32,35,0.303,0.597,0.1,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680667651510045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949734692018793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461436063182952,0.0,0.3822455781409615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37516782159210543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742516941670319,0.0,0.18954847225201316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912189048086589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423559621427236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250767345766906,0.0,0.2915132878919708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967201593312702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happyMistake2,2019/03/16,"So many stories but I have none. I never had any. No reasons to be upset. These days I just hate all of humanity, we are disgusting creatures who should have no right of existing. Looking in the mirror many times makes me physically ill, seeing others people sickens me. I have no desire to stay living in this world infested by humanity. Complete Isolation or Suicide is truly the only cure from humanity.",3.8171621621621625,6.744783621621625,5.717500000000005,70.54625000000004,77.64864864864866,8.024324324324324,29.52027027027027,8.841846274778883,3.2272756756756764,324,15,49,8,8,111,59,74,0.348,0.5579999999999999,0.094,-0.9825,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,2,2,0,8,1,0,2,2,10,12,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,8,9,2,8,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139439985784868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642569199707787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625435808036727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488352250646589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225540639138412,0.0,0.21164834024574591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823724074063828,0.5110536989765652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943871492361574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168616355987314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473133014894715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591369155402655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152389707892728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008415573948316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686388433521478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756885312428765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696531355738598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WesDontCare,2019/03/16,"Ending my life. I am 36 years of age and it’s 4am. I’ve been hiding in hotel rooms for the last 11 weeks from a business I own and need to fix. I just don’t want to because i don’t care about it. I am slowly running out of money because I eat 6/7 meals a day. I am overweight since I was 4/5 years old. I know a lot about nutrition and eating healthy. I’ve been separated for nearly 16 months. I’ve tried so hard to work it out and do the right thing but sadly I don’t think I can accept her toxic behavior. I am the sort of guy who has always had bad luck. I’d order a pizza it would be cold or damaged. I’d rent a hotel room and the AC wouldn’t work. I’d get a bus ticket and the bus would be late. Use my credit card to pay for something I’d be double charged. I got so use to this pattern of things happening to me that i turned it into a way to evaluate problems. Turn them into challenges. Be proactive and turn challenges into projects. I don’t have a voice of reason I just do things and I am very very unhappy. I’d say I am tired now but that’s not it. It’s not tired it, it’s truly lack of hope that I feel I need to get through what ever this thing is that has been holding me back since I can remember visualizing when I was 8 years old. Parents were terrible. I left home early on.   Never contracted them for the last 23 years. Feel nothing for them. Nothing. Watched a video yesterday of a guy killing people in New Zealand  watched it 2 times. I didn’t flinch or feel anything. Thought about my kiwi friends and messaged them. I just talked shit about how the systems in place should of caught him.  But didn’t. I truly don’t care. As sad as it must be for the families. I just see life as you live you die -nothing really means anything anyway and relationships are just away to have a family and not be alone while you grow old. Tonight is the first time I’ve thought about hurting other people to take what they have so I can have a quality of life. I’ve not interest in violence or brutality. Just get what I want from people. Then live longer. I don’t want to work with people or for people.  It’s this terrible idea or I just kill myself. I keep looking for some sort of community I can go live in or just get help for a long time to process things but I can’t find anything. At all.    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suicidewatch,zula8989,2019/03/16,"A favour... I just wanna start off by saying that I HATE MYSELF so much right now for doing this. None of you could imagine, but I REALLY need to reach out to some of you, so here I am, slowly regretting it, but doing it anyway.

I'm only 18 years old, I'm a university student studying Mechatronic Engineering. I've suffered from depression. Or at least I think that I have. I've been so lonely for as long as I can remember. And I still get this feeling of emptiness from time to time.

But being the little boy that I am, I've always looked up to superheroes. Especially to how they went through the most horrible things, but instead of hurting others, or themselves, they chose to help people out. I figured that it does make things a bit easier. And it was true. Even the tiniest of gestures. Seeing somebody happy made ME happy.

Now I don't know what I'm doing here. I think this may even be a huge mistake. But at least I'll go down trying, right?

So I thought long and hard and came up with an idea.  I want to do what I can to make sure that NOBODY feels this way, because it's dark, and lonely out there and because nobody should go through any of it. So I went online and built a website. I called it Alleviate. Which is a word that means to make problems less severe. It's just a community. It came to mind that people may not be able to afford therapists. So I thought that one approach could be to have all of us help each other out under one platform. You can follow a certain topic ranging from ADHD, postpartum depression, anxiety, and many more. There is a full disclaimer that the site doesn't offer a cure, or any of that, It's just a place for ranting and helping each other feel even just a LITTLE better.

Here's a link to the website: [https://alleviate.mn.co](https://alleviate.mn.co/)

I promise, all I want to do is help and all I ask from you is for any of you to just check it out, and if you want to join, you can sign up. I want a place for us and ONLY us. And while there is this subreddit and many more, it still doesn't feel like ours. And if I see that this idea helps people and actually benefits them, I'll turn it into a real thing from scratch.

All I ask for you to do is check it out and if you feel like you could maybe benefit from it, please sign up. The number of members that I get there would be an indicator of whether this should be built or not. All I want to do is help. I'm not making any money from this whatsoever. Its ALL free and I'm not planning or going to allow any advertising or anything. It's just something that I wanted to do that was ""good"". I'm just an 18 year old kid in his first year of university. If you hate  on me after this, I understand.  I feel like a dipshit for posting something like this here, because I'm the type that hates the people that do this and here I am doing it. I deserve whatever comes my way.

Thanks anyway though.",2.904583333333332,4.551787392123288,4.2080821917808215,86.56288812785391,74.90753424657535,6.784474885844749,23.81050228310503,7.492282038375204,0.9599344748858448,2263,68,471,28,48,745,241,584,0.124,0.732,0.14300000000000002,0.7125,1,4,2,0,0,0,87.0,4,11,3,3,34,29,3,0,27,0,46,0,0,7,9,120,100,46,0,21,27,0,8,4,0,5,0,2,0,2,54,32,0,0,19,0,4,10,8,12,0,3,10,13,54,18,72,76,19,59,0,7,3,0,32,29,0,14,21,348,108,2,0.06715374571103233,0.0,0.06553236876968932,0.0,0.08070575239409956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587729600598545,0.0,0.0,0.22833424941782365,0.0,0.05137243166105477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055261810850220965,0.0,0.12555937430098965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280890026073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939203089014744,0.07331449764879562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857148260984497,0.15361199026287325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057847005731041574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085040480071436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567884555912925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058766695412830874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306324710023149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372970945474786,0.14392394806174302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571209417962972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017012093074675,0.0,0.11449506373877062,0.05632537581452876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429728220564428,0.060156565817178966,0.1989012630201835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700704412593882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718894736904646,0.15161680985146814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036905942420611605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123171235077005,0.13461139024891355,0.0,0.11885790349824832,0.05639223329422863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354249790142172,0.17930258687798184,0.136166715907635,0.06746496364363684,0.07315011587446328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678061397871332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493657299066221,0.04979365154270824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409331192955982,0.0,0.09101023209278923,0.10214689935383324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622380732358929,0.0,0.14032274264368289,0.07371464689935311,0.0,0.0,0.06431472538131462,0.0,0.0,0.06425706533399943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643566444509199,0.043020409072421835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607210305023741,0.11469786383077768,0.0,0.053403353943403536,0.0,0.0,0.10702568181385208,0.0,0.0,0.0758646180997017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339646856705627,0.0,0.0,0.04753176685270098,0.0,0.10725813614172017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632916106007119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061826146660441235,0.0,0.07797067464500702,0.13384189411717445,0.086058817404445,0.06597821420289914,0.10662514589674636,0.07831577832044118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559298525015106,0.07304399165008592,0.0,0.0699094175892268,0.24233306300324015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376541146835403,0.10660703519169136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450439011743132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770409421802648,0.0,0.0,0.12973443154759945
suicidewatch,niceshadowbanlibtard,2019/03/16,"So, what's the best way to do it when you're broke af? I don't have many options so I'll have to pick something trashy and cheap. I'm out of incomes and it has been like that for months so buying a gun is completely out of my reach ( it's hard to get them legally in my country anyway and I've been registered as a patient in a mental hospital before so it's fucked )

I don't care how violent it is as long as it's quick and 100% impossible to miss myself, I thought about jumping from a building or jumping under a train. If you have any good ideas I'll take notes, I'm here to pass time and distract myself from the pain because I'm out of subuxone and it's driving me crazy. Making plans to escape from this shit life is a good way to occupy my mind.

Drowning isn't my cup of tea btw, I'd rather hang myself and it's already not a pleasant death.
",2.240776397515532,3.2944055000000034,3.9009316770186366,90.50369565217392,75.52173913043478,6.7788819875776385,25.099378881987576,7.1686216300943375,0.9080835403726706,668,22,152,7,14,224,109,184,0.158,0.72,0.122,-0.7738,1,0,1,1,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,2,11,13,3,1,9,0,13,5,1,3,0,21,23,18,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,10,1,0,2,0,2,5,4,7,0,0,3,1,13,6,25,20,1,18,0,2,0,1,2,6,2,3,6,92,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278525525790704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728880770714594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306729816493844,0.0,0.17178937154667015,0.0,0.2118659830120389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058353395327607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167271218453132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663954461792165,0.10547664513548526,0.0,0.0,0.3386633283858968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084941741885416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279037322033509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259743400233418,0.09863087429908572,0.0,0.0,0.17866198237288794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475988837662492,0.2046798292855843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345272177280888,0.0,0.2038464249304364,0.0,0.16114278041003147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482000660168216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072321792999688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542103218082184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179248883324648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027423819562706,0.11772083970850007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204940299577892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GodoggoJeff,2019/03/16,"[Awareness] My 16 year old younger brother did himself in tonight. Please, anyone who is in this position, call anyone. 911, the suicide help line, your friend that’s not exactly a friend or whatever, call them. We are only as good as what we do. I love you James. James was 16. He was a furry, who identified as a fox. He was very smart, clocking in somewhere around 130 on the IQ tests. He finished writing his first fantasy novel last year, could play the guitar and was taking college classes at 16. His boyfriend dumped him, and he put a pistol to his head and pulled the trigger. 

James did not have to deal with the break up, but he also will never deal with;

Prom
Losing his virginity to someone he loves 
Driving 
Seeing more of the country or world 
Meeting his boyfriend in real life 
GTA 6 
His 17th birthday
His first fight 
His first failure 
His first date in real life 
Having his own apartment 
Having a career he loves (he went back and forth on so many things. He could have tossed pizzas and been great at it) 
My children 
His nephews and nieces growing up 
His first drink 
His first puff of weed 


He’ll always be 16 now. I love you James and I hope you knew that brother. ",2.655732265446222,5.0949617280701816,2.870823798627004,92.13641876430208,78.64912280701752,5.017848970251716,23.948131197559114,6.046907544983943,0.5161012204424099,926,32,181,6,23,282,140,228,0.062,0.7659999999999999,0.172,0.9788,0,0,1,1,1,1,28.0,2,4,1,7,5,14,2,0,11,0,18,10,1,1,2,27,28,15,1,3,5,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,8,12,2,0,1,5,0,5,3,3,0,6,9,1,27,11,22,14,2,37,0,1,1,5,52,14,0,3,17,111,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733490875195267,0.09087116814573458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272383750391172,0.0,0.0,0.09721973238671806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397547118614428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230305033219241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439002034492965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251806846018733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698386955371628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5573619782236453,0.0,0.0,0.16875019217714915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159986367209803,0.0,0.12040401240354125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208059646729092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320091889750045,0.0,0.0,0.10846981307161767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902043169942771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542759953002193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217765115733023,0.0,0.0,0.3942638516545273,0.0,0.0,0.11072143268859803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422920606105078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459714496064148,0.0,0.0,0.08305885153921297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987938844565844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978585097399708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486089561447956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702594276373593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253297262008334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945761948756127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211205712671937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255403139027197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010938943047417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123842936164378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065485371363684
suicidewatch,tipanny99,2019/03/16,I thought I share my story to the internet I am quite new to reddit so I don't know if I am doing this right. I always felt suicidal. It started at middle school and it was getting worse and worse. I had a very kind loving man who I was more than thankful to be with. He made my life at least worth living for but at the same time I thought I was a burden to him so I still felt suicidal. Thinking he would be better off without me. We got into a fight that got messy and it seems like we are officially apart now. It literally just happened and already I want to die. Usually he would come back and beg right away. Honestly though I am glad that he left me so he wouldn't get hurt if I die. Maybe this is just a heat of the moment but I always thought of doing this. If I broke up with him I was going to cut myself or hang myself or just drink bleach.,1.0549191984486086,2.822699307692311,2.9138655462184886,93.23995798319328,80.64835164835166,5.8208144796380115,20.046541693600517,6.794906146795322,0.13974880413703916,662,17,152,7,17,221,106,182,0.195,0.6579999999999999,0.147,-0.932,0,0,1,0,1,3,12.0,2,0,0,2,10,13,2,0,7,0,18,3,0,1,0,36,38,16,4,7,11,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,11,1,0,8,1,1,3,3,5,0,0,13,2,27,8,20,20,3,23,0,2,0,1,14,12,0,6,9,107,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368562697420478,0.0,0.2166837480140706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223328811817633,0.10012042438300846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151566805779764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216099300734632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702666705229961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127552370597735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500364767287338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605458646608534,0.0,0.07399910552033279,0.0,0.20827536434179494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514079043687225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938828214182186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355895767152005,0.07155784638212442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146926712257954,0.0,0.09196839209946314,0.06361210483284498,0.0,0.11497433805429172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751605435779873,0.12320412392522904,0.0,0.0,0.1308094899614535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257538258509527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849017410434966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223905306852912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177548591062427,0.0,0.1185347084642718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216052070836578,0.0,0.1039827291468338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848485966185795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987624796855773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343078691055572,0.12792679462538747,0.3101072067308777,0.07592420172450062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434035816979195,0.10743363726622854,0.07679890877187873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551399716023698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653822015768088,0.1849893010154086,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreyNetLord,2019/03/16,"I Don't Know What to Say... I'm 25 today and I've been suicidal for a *very* long time. I have major depression, extreme anxiety (been on benzos for 13 years), BPD... I was a heroin addict for 6 years, and I've been ""clean"" on maintenance (Methadone, then Suboxone) for 6 years as well.

The last 10-12 months have been drastic for me. I've had extreme arguments with my partner of 6+ years (who helped get me clean) *daily*. The last 6-8 months I've had *extreme* suicidal ideation, constantly telling myself that I would be better off dead. And the last 3 months or so I've been *truly* suicidal (I've attempted multiple times in the past, but the last attempt was many, *many* years ago) and I've gone so far as to ""practice aim"" on myself with... ""bad things"".

However, I did turn in my ""bad things"" to my BF, who's locked them away so I don't have access to them. However, I decided to get a gram of heroin, which I'll have either Today (my birthday, of all days), or Monday (hopefully) which I've strongly considered to take in combination with an **extremely large** dose of benzodiazepines, and possibly alcohol just to ""seal the deal.""

I will have to get off the Suboxone for an agonizing 2-3 days (you're put into severe opioid withdraw when stopping this medication) in order to use the heroin and get the ""full-effect"". Suboxone has a very-high affinity for your opioid receptors (meaning it stays in your brain a long time, not letting any other opiate [like heroin] in.)

Yes, I'm **definitely** *scared* to end my life, but I'm also **incredibly** *comfortable* with it. I ~~know~~ am **99% sure** that a suicide attempt like this would work, as I'd have no opiates in my system and no tolerance to opiates, be doing 5x the lethal dose of heroin for people without a tolerance to opiates, and be taking an *insanely* large dose of benzodiazepines. I *would not wake up*.

I've experienced ""dying"" on heroin before, and it's simply a fade to nothingness... complete black. I remember nothing except falling, and then waking up when I was revived. I know I'm not going to find my mother (RIP) on the other side/another side, because I don't believe there is ""another side,"" but I sure hope I do, despite the ridiculous odds...

I feel *so comfortable* taking my own life, but at the same time I feel *horrible* for my BF who would be left behind, who knows I have suicidal ideation, and I truly don't want him to think it's ~~all~~ his fault, because he's done so many wonderful things... I just see my life going in no direction but down, and I have no way to acquire the means to obtain a better life. I *want* to feel that rush [of heroin] again before I pass, and I know that I would be missed initially [if I passed], but would soon be forgotten, as all of those who used to be close to me are dead (except for my BF.)

I feel as if I'm just in ""auto-pilot"", ready to receive my heroin, cease taking my medicine I'm on which ""blocks"" the effects of heroin (and going through immense pain in doing so), use my cocktail, and pass. And it *scares* me how comfortable I am with that thought...

I just want to feel ""normal."" I **want** to wake up without suicide being the __first__ thing on my mind, it being on my mind __all day__, and being the __last thing I think about before going to sleep__. It's gotten to the point where it's *so extreme* it's literally **all I can think about**, and at this point, I don't see any other way out.

I'll stop ranting... I'm sorry. I just felt like I needed to vent. Maybe I'll delete this post if it's too depressing, I'm sorry for that...

I hope everyone has a good day, and I hope I didn't fuck it up in any way if you read this post. <3


_


tl;dr: I've been massively suicidal for many months. I want to end my life and am *comfortable* with that, and the fact I'm so comfortable with it scares me. I see no other way out.",0.5088904646049386,2.95731328777924,2.637345337687517,89.57418612820551,90.23521681997372,5.852231951184606,20.67525793315205,7.306260175132487,0.8883026007988444,2936,100,599,54,101,986,295,761,0.171,0.738,0.091,-0.9965,2,0,4,0,0,4,223.0,0,3,2,11,25,31,2,3,32,1,56,18,5,5,8,114,116,52,11,21,25,1,6,3,4,7,12,1,2,1,43,32,2,3,22,2,0,12,17,12,1,1,18,12,72,19,100,80,9,103,0,3,4,1,23,40,1,11,45,379,115,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654153175149955,0.0,0.0,0.04597602757829417,0.05542891784308861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04147717454392308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058118559924138,0.10877192352102026,0.0396773031550542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872975920305984,0.0,0.08661178913949337,0.06323399286649023,0.0,0.13240228789733596,0.058435154854161786,0.0,0.09174242053288624,0.0,0.0,0.06532333745331348,0.05789954362229403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438045269494922,0.056048656865817885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379696558544935,0.05347150808663991,0.08934411853733201,0.0,0.05382865852570808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307686545203767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187565878493292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049560129608060506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112489167114846,0.0,0.04979943734370669,0.0,0.04740453074597693,0.04411714320060193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794922700406285,0.10839125463109872,0.0,0.11790643883846295,0.043502690825702885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034764647187191335,0.05479921465420675,0.0,0.20605833034285295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252082472043878,0.21138832319957007,0.0,0.0,0.056352497014059824,0.0530364390362024,0.18317224110174565,0.07601723725361999,0.0,0.0,0.09179945190426574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21033569531384125,0.05210630932353901,0.11299443026282592,0.0,0.052249479317424935,0.0,0.0,0.10473963085331699,0.0,0.16559559816252387,0.0,0.0,0.03845793830613862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050817610322542346,0.04976676953947267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518901839717229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951190975423348,0.035957313188018286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980601582235512,0.05847105585005724,0.0993464694498008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213959650699003,0.0,0.0,0.051879976991534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875400086725855,0.0,0.0,0.04124587829303419,0.15578056607749816,0.0,0.12399132040474815,0.0,0.0,0.058593750651017414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190339829375641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611934998626845,0.0,0.0552821924759918,0.0,0.08672449871202426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971304514339969,0.0,0.09776607179293204,0.0,0.15598693234012795,0.0,0.04533311880738313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228713391037356,0.09970080285036027,0.0,0.04117576393511743,0.1209737899403287,0.0,0.09832569571330248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056415250488382286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438656167350027,0.0,0.04279483343904622,0.15295937998676454,0.16467508027146488,0.0,0.0,0.046633710105908346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999938332057148,0.056246400920770566,0.037759023009503456,0.0,0.0,0.2210644596908352,0.0,0.0,0.16699982862809268
suicidewatch,aurora_6,2019/03/16,"Can't get over the life others took from me, now I don't want to live the time I have left. I need advice. I'm not old, but I'm over 30 and I have nothing. I barely had a childhood and lost a huge part of my teenage years. My early adulthood was spent entirely being abused, depressed and trying really hard to get better, but losing all progress in the end, then trying again and failing again. I didn't have a chance to get a degree or formal job. I don't have anyone who cares about me. I want so bad to live, but I want to live the life I lost, not this mess I have now. It would take too long to heal, and I know if I try I'll just fail again. I want to end it as soon as possible, but the desire for what I lost is keeping me from trying to kill myself. I don't want to live this miserable adult life, working a shitty job only to survive, without any of the great things I could have had in life if I wasn't abused. I see some people here with things planned, how do you guys do it? How can I come to terms that it's over and find the courage to do it?",3.4171428571428564,3.1255024675324665,4.4328787878787885,92.6693181818182,71.94372294372296,7.292640692640692,23.426406926406933,6.18269132825596,0.286051082251082,814,16,200,4,14,266,122,231,0.26,0.626,0.114,-0.99,2,0,0,0,2,1,25.0,0,1,0,11,13,15,1,1,12,0,23,5,0,2,1,35,45,19,1,11,11,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,13,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,9,11,0,0,10,2,27,4,27,32,4,25,0,8,1,0,4,7,0,4,16,133,40,5,0.0,0.24743352496303686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203482979897048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100696376424327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301061237870897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718361636278094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234812114376392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645982538344018,0.0,0.0,0.0899457757714163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336827037752191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993398511009146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496447811931685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543500863972756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366031093559086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511982441131445,0.0,0.10338898892065147,0.0,0.0,0.0935368894515986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723500525351587,0.09281039612128694,0.1155216521205241,0.0,0.057384709539353415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134490934680001,0.0,0.29501052556816065,0.0,0.0,0.3688075774942897,0.09240552904691883,0.0,0.11681562322922233,0.34194961872354285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742368960848599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019067811095206,0.0,0.10956780378457713,0.0,0.0,0.0794136359256281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307315402191333,0.0,0.07238942018324153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771418538296105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689203735131663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320662285417099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850839361398007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873968462093295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088624075830376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601084006747862,0.2835684493075828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079384928159657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006540111855948,0.0,0.07601663027632552,0.0,0.0,0.07417465619332185,0.0,0.0,0.06724095708639674
suicidewatch,Uniqueusername360,2019/03/16,"I'm HIV positive and I'm deeply struggling not to end it.  I'm not new to the disease but I hate everything about what life has entailed with life with HIV. I struggle less with the thought of killing myself although its not entirely off the table but I struggle with the will to live. Every night I know I will not be accommodated but I just want death already. Everytime I fall asleep I hope it's for the last time. I hate being alive. Please some one take this pain away. I'm fully educated on life with HIV and I dont need some one telling me "" it's not a death sentence"" and how well hiv can be managed with meds. It's a load of bullshit and being fat and bald and having tinnitus blaring in my ears as well as all these extra pains and aches that I didnt have prediagnosis is deeply saddening and maddening. I hate myself and I want this shit to be over",1.9441978609625683,4.058939863636368,3.264692513368985,90.09608288770056,79.3409090909091,6.413903743315508,23.98930481283423,7.5105763829236425,1.011466310160428,680,24,146,10,17,221,102,176,0.333,0.578,0.08800000000000001,-0.9963,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,13,5,3,7,0,14,14,5,1,1,34,28,16,3,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,0,10,15,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,10,2,2,2,1,17,3,21,19,5,11,0,0,0,4,1,5,1,3,5,98,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306388166570678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303174579346893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625606588355639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285103081502145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686453636035705,0.0,0.1246586745725056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108259781238388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776488041244464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345599532149898,0.0,0.0762283741355191,0.11306269255980525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29391330326640264,0.0,0.0,0.12247862813511914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406944772903292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028476405266209,0.0,0.13396168513441986,0.0,0.13016479144447418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797953844568416,0.0,0.2951827672063969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225590554147006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237819164906862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350122259011082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428853346519013,0.0,0.12123385996248605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011589165017717,0.08087971826443381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636230335888029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494240338738881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waitforme_,2019/03/16,"I have had enough Everything is falling apart. I've lost my parents, I've lost my family. I feel so alone. I just feel like tonight is the night. I cant wake up to feel all this pain again. I have had a lot of pills stocked up for a while tonight and I just feel like it's the right time, almost like I'm at peace with accepting my death.
I dont have anyone to write a letter for so I thought I may as well say something here.",-0.1948936170212789,1.693643127659577,1.382382978723406,101.89400000000002,85.80851063829788,5.036595744680851,18.974468085106388,6.2581,-0.40087319148936107,330,9,85,3,10,106,60,94,0.172,0.665,0.163,-0.2243,1,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,5,0,10,3,1,0,1,15,18,5,1,0,2,1,4,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,5,5,12,5,10,12,3,12,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,3,9,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112366200108816,0.1976785107880413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345720036974362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236922823102833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972144992488938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153709651918642,0.0,0.17993047415621008,0.0,0.3860281839047844,0.2727078953745908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279740898814893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41670324624070987,0.1622665423264805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911381193471446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309374779864744,0.0,0.21193292295459012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299761160578793,0.0,0.15178345705471705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693715176568714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152543855507042,0.11129487848277486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161049850543905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,molls2518,2019/03/16,"I’m pushing away everyone I love so that when I kill myself they won’t care as much. I just feel dead inside everyday, I can’t even force myself to have fun and be happy. All I want to do is end my life but my family keeps trying to ‘understand why I’m sad’. I’m done with trying. ",1.254999999999999,2.3926035322580685,3.9008387096774193,89.18125806451616,78.19354838709677,7.540645161290323,18.851612903225806,8.238735603445708,0.5936025806451615,217,4,51,4,5,77,47,62,0.092,0.738,0.17,0.4055,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,9,16,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,4,6,13,2,5,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398951209885814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603304890515113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26129579270549136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261505355307925,0.0,0.0,0.16864599619102744,0.0,0.0,0.2439830092119335,0.0,0.0,0.2407065953937508,0.0,0.12910476992502598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718082700828967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269529911804403,0.2824897381172351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035027326009712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044931016034526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770020000026733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467106620827909,0.0,0.0,0.2658121674331779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506028741712279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039962650467385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flusteredferret,2019/03/16,"Home alone for the weekend I hate that I can't be alone. I rely on other people too much and when they leave i feel like im drowning in myself. Now that my roommates are out for the week, i realized I can do something and no one will know for some time. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I've been looking for a therapist for months and no one is accepting new patients or takes my insurance. I've tried going to get help, but it seems the world doesn't want me too. Everything just seems to want me not to be here. I'd save a lot of water and resources, so just think of it like I'm helping the planet. 
I am just afraid because of my amazing girlfriend, she is absolutely incredible and I can feel myself pulling away from her recently, I think it's because im planning on doing it soon. Part of me doesnt want to, but I hate always having a part of me that does. i dont see things getting better. I just work and go to school and go back to work. Sorry for the rant, I'm just a bit of a mess right now. ",1.974885620915032,3.1578058240740745,3.678257080610024,91.32186274509803,76.4074074074074,6.563834422657952,23.816993464052292,7.048011613610866,0.6822013071895423,782,24,180,8,17,262,121,216,0.132,0.748,0.12,0.5126,0,2,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,4,15,10,2,1,10,0,17,2,0,0,0,33,41,13,1,3,9,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,10,8,1,0,10,1,0,4,7,4,0,2,1,5,24,6,25,37,6,23,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,5,13,121,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25665649234508103,0.0,0.0,0.1030989131103888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164128570148522,0.09527532201786312,0.0,0.15106271589338538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095839324711942,0.13527220468963494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843012917989324,0.0,0.1452157756388159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113578540332098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795032253198035,0.08851778018590531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947053128715452,0.0,0.21125425658942928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466113549312146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610186335253496,0.0,0.12428685049190966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26767739525723483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809496562740024,0.0,0.0,0.13119753925515687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106748067703825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404902126759448,0.0,0.0,0.10533962799612144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988998150537359,0.0,0.09108445579987573,0.0,0.0,0.11966825277421765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792251381823672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683541521186439,0.0,0.08590014864124737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223412718701976,0.0,0.0,0.1058142210010472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125398508162195,0.09873626909867377,0.2255969766173632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095388147697538,0.0,0.13870153995918205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316116448999663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386329305417514,0.08231699812769701,0.15878668389775485,0.0,0.0,0.07225002104044853,0.14241060803081615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412338392761608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924719583299196,0.09835004772785542,0.09938914347151613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040867915266975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xchzv,2019/03/16,"I'm so tired of everything * I'm tired of the routines
* Tired of the constant anxiety surrounding social interaction
* Tired of the usual ""Just feel better, everything is okay""
* Tired of the regular isolation from people I thought were my friends
* Tired of the lies and manipulation for personal gain
* Tired of hating myself
* Tired of being alive

I'm done with this constant fear of expressing how I feel to someone that could possibly help. It's too much emotional weight to put on a person. Anxiety is just something that puts me on a worse position every day, having simple conversations (If I don't end up avoiding them in the first place) are the most stressing part of my day and I do as much as I possibly can so I don't talk to people. And I deeply hate myself for it. I've been wanting to kill myself for so much time now, and tried to hang myself twice. I'll end it as soon as I get a chance to. ",1.444097273397201,4.106461677966101,3.14463768115942,86.22391304347828,87.58757062146894,6.694080078604768,22.38491771063621,7.893859768569023,1.5165718005404076,715,26,138,16,23,236,101,177,0.269,0.624,0.107,-0.9869,0,2,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,3,9,9,3,3,10,1,13,9,0,2,0,17,23,13,1,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,3,0,0,3,2,6,0,2,4,3,16,3,29,17,5,20,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,11,95,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726409027144356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356545657092319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797748526176229,0.0,0.06641201572799645,0.0,0.0,0.10728771710976807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512144802050317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356567612951293,0.14734459254528026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008226703012907,0.0,0.14951263729953684,0.0,0.0,0.09359999703756436,0.08411604984974692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075239051478242,0.0,0.0,0.06426423022833883,0.0,0.04345782512013425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424495573238518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575342634296489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202572804750116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834393809291331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007522945254948,0.0,0.11533230304478535,0.14525816001215286,0.08690481260827834,0.0,0.0,0.1875446448789304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723662620545254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479096565561824,0.07047767092231905,0.06403559790728112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952817692946426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685648435987958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660351853798678,0.04850260129601169,0.7648202552383253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056473380790134524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161040339617713,0.0,0.0490613897482596,0.0,0.0,0.10129015117108132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476695718740809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skrimps,2019/03/16,"Theres only one thing keeping me alive And if I lose that, I just cant anymore. Its not worth the constant pain. I always wanted to use a gun but I feel like hanging myself will give me the last bit of humanity I need before going out. ",0.9027999999999992,2.878319680000004,3.1780000000000013,90.089,82.2,4.800000000000002,20.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.06959999999999987,184,5,39,1,5,63,44,50,0.146,0.7490000000000001,0.105,0.0044,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,9,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,1,3,8,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263309936942827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26534970499330324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276756383962512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921085128835803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891395746062695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528743601779722,0.19114641617016312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566699447865419,0.15206170618284912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378214863107068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21809882079058948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307173259291198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993335477674281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839390529360929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130700206912545,0.2034930322298072,0.2847049366499234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775636882160234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23108774558801998,0.0,0.0,0.15781505761071712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rocky__c,2019/03/16,"Loneliness is too much, my depression is worse than ever I’ve wrote quite a few times last year here, and i seriously believed i had gotten better and that i would never feel this way again. WRONG.

Turns out i was right about my depression not being gone, but me learning how to tolerate it, but as any disease it got stronger.

I can’t take this gap that i have in my heart anymore, i have people around me but i know they won’t miss me. This world is beautiful and so is everyone in it but i don’t belong in it.

Appreciate those around you, i’m hanging myself on sunday.",3.245392720306512,4.662709612068966,4.491839080459774,85.81484674329505,73.56896551724137,7.914176245210728,24.95785440613027,8.515128840125781,1.5300222222222226,449,14,94,8,9,148,81,116,0.121,0.759,0.12,0.6038,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,2,9,6,0,0,1,0,13,1,1,1,2,19,23,10,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,6,1,18,1,11,14,2,19,0,3,0,0,3,9,0,0,7,70,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388683509180158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251932998221636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635765892085113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300723349229823,0.0,0.18060526198797275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517678701257981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184717705188916,0.0,0.19512936632870104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325363240191927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332368453916826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198730347745775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222730221359246,0.16645666539382956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011627737572475,0.0,0.15749769465319707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157202155741566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172002010768237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439240110287965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535389006435161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907524839078762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22211951756644688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209069829729011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081052605987108,0.14506340842395496,0.22326924350193492,0.0,0.13150316996709988
suicidewatch,YourFavoriteBiker,2019/03/16,"I’ve run out of reasons I used to have a list of reasons I had to not kill my damn self. Most of them are Gone or meaningless now. I’m honestly kinda worthless. A nobody, really. A loser as my mom would say. I ain’t really got a lot to lose. I got a note, but I’m too scared or depressed to find a half decent method to die. ",-0.9309246575342484,0.8515926712328792,2.355051369863016,94.43065924657536,88.04109589041096,5.8417808219178085,17.344178082191778,7.1686216300943375,0.044535616438356566,247,6,61,4,8,89,50,73,0.282,0.64,0.078,-0.9485,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,2,8,2,1,6,0,5,0,0,3,0,13,11,4,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,4,1,7,1,10,6,2,4,0,4,0,0,4,1,1,5,1,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944147225846348,0.0,0.2342646362335712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630655593480346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610622972453689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497288419059533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525260829469473,0.0,0.19190145826209987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643638230153519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892076197637101,0.4641612785659328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950383567216532,0.2259879070859361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547811561678916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495203142323275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603470055172413,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doX5on,2019/03/16,"Fuck I've been wanting to kill myself for about 20 years now.  Everything I do just makes me think about it more no matter how much I might be lying to myself about enjoying ""the moment"".  I trust no one when it comes to this as basically everyone I've ever opened up to about this has just called the police and the night ends w me naked in solitary confinement.  My plan has been for the last couple years to wait for my parents to die so they don't have to deal with it but I'm leaning closer and closer to saying fuck it to that.  I have a sister but she has a family and they would be essentially unaffected by my absence. I'm willing to hire someone to kill me at this point because I'm pretty sure I'm just too cowardly a piece of shit to do it myself.",6.241645569620252,4.9180112341772135,7.123892405063291,79.16469936708864,66.40506329113924,10.178481012658226,29.87658227848101,9.188382445141503,2.2144151898734172,597,16,127,9,8,201,94,158,0.189,0.737,0.07400000000000001,-0.9685,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,2,1,13,8,5,0,7,0,15,3,1,2,2,22,26,9,3,2,5,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,1,16,3,26,19,3,17,0,0,0,2,8,7,3,1,9,93,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854634376504313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818235577725436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533866264544878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702475969368305,0.0,0.0,0.18357647320049286,0.0,0.0,0.18480262934144007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771211637963842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106935256335522,0.0,0.17014806820233044,0.16003271003491287,0.0,0.16786317351398367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292351497486564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39400352822010254,0.0,0.0,0.145146169380021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188593020857864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888980816713394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308977478980716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710128193985144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066097715116385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977193312366106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832831775563478,0.0,0.0,0.18115540706649813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160387731768165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827804437806536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508733024627402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782349423670848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409641269683833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502693687040457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649176889450678,0.0,0.0,0.2293351406132628
suicidewatch,Shawloonimal,2019/03/16,"My friend keeps saying he wants to commit suicide One of my best friends for about three years now has kept saying how he wants to commit suicide and to end his life. I don't know what to do or say, and he lashes out when I try and tell him to get help. I think he wants it, he's just to scared. I'm coming on here asking for help on what to do/say.",2.6134615384615394,2.5805231666666693,3.655538461538464,96.63946153846157,73.74358974358974,6.24,19.446153846153845,3.1291,-0.6605261538461544,269,3,69,0,5,87,50,78,0.128,0.655,0.218,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,17,14,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,3,7,3,14,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,1,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764290126317552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881885408730294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447098114541838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882704978136875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770891803308234,0.0,0.09368892382833054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403930016918591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939061980836344,0.0,0.0,0.09855129170063516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666121599904276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151398043841555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5704197391614972,0.1795337165511074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923007546365563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567363023631614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490300831202305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174862079611762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173082496188109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547820367561352
suicidewatch,minnecrapolis,2019/03/16,"Third time a charm? I only stop myself because my best pup is winding down to die (he’s 17).

Once he’s gone I am left with nothing.

My first try was wrists the long (proper way) but my golf buddy found me.

My 2nd was a 4 foot drop hanging. The anchor came out after 3 minutes.

This time I am going to cut my throat and be done. No coming back.

I didn’t want to leave a big mess but I’m starting to think it doesn’t matter.

I have guns but I don’t want to leave a negative gun legacy to let people take them away from people.

My life has been shit, emotionally, for the last decade.

I have more than enough money but, contrary to belief, money is false security and fake friends.

I have no real people in my life, not even my wife ...she chews me out about making more money, smoking, watching “shitty” movies ...then, oddly, not working enough.

Then she complains that I go to bed too early but if I stay up I get ripped on for not going to bed.

I’m done, kids.

I’ll wait until I have to put my boy down but then I’m gone via my drugs or I really think slicing my throat.",0.3809666666666658,2.4197444355555566,2.2786944444444437,95.42337500000002,84.64444444444446,4.461111111111111,16.48611111111111,5.46131890053228,-0.7298555555555559,818,16,185,4,24,271,141,225,0.195,0.738,0.066,-0.9856,2,0,1,2,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,3,4,9,2,0,7,0,19,9,5,1,0,29,39,14,1,3,11,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,2,3,7,1,3,4,1,3,9,9,5,0,2,10,1,30,4,26,27,5,36,1,0,1,0,10,10,1,2,14,114,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284170856296639,0.10509989617728192,0.0,0.08331997950988991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343915586533096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632760965209822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117739300376093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185416805408185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797459493820147,0.0,0.0,0.1585075378977618,0.0,0.0,0.1537486703240529,0.0,0.28245775100785603,0.0,0.09027706459688263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162615011603033,0.0,0.14986457995433047,0.1056000486046756,0.0,0.071410618763095,0.0,0.2330383142698284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141394025080968,0.0,0.28945266124309904,0.1485052163780341,0.13976643932968152,0.1930848479880302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095912506793255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123618788841112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114990941840962,0.0,0.0,0.1455616961333468,0.0,0.10395269654427253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28427392883906005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740299847231405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555738545464192,0.08756188504606062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030194203111576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967441080856756,0.14568465268630404,0.0,0.11427213636418285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027677315414119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516040500875982,0.0,0.0,0.15940055723419913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279799563643998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123697813296187,0.10849168059794463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950600557860713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,parranna,2019/03/16,Disregard my last post Disregard my last post...not that anyone read it...What’s the point... my family doesn’t call me and when I call barely want to talk to me... they kicked me out when I was 15 and the people I stayed with abused me until I was 17 and then became homeless.... my family did nothing...I have no friends... I am completely alone. Everyone hates me. ,-0.03685606060605906,2.3000105416666687,1.8766161616161592,93.26636363636364,96.36111111111113,5.951515151515152,16.267676767676768,7.348242739294969,0.4132888888888888,277,7,59,6,11,91,49,72,0.213,0.773,0.014,-0.9209,0,1,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,8,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,15,1,5,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,36,16,1,0.0,0.23646435576504304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670004936402694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954784358927727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40757783855985785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092511351019736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070296149356605,0.0,0.0,0.3762840760173446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419155128939274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703950724882704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32536137074799465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836053631287298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886633744266624,0.0,0.3822763598044699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996295274598008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272094940837952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041124277964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771481221853583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iyorek-bernison,2019/03/16,Is there a sub for convincing me to go through with it? I absolutely don't want to hear the bullshit. I have lived long enough to know that it's not going to get any better. ,2.0490990990990987,3.4126526486486526,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,76.56756756756756,7.095495495495496,23.144144144144143,7.793537801064563,0.8071333333333333,136,4,32,2,3,45,32,37,0.136,0.72,0.14400000000000002,0.0771,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25065849196728085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32599395263206715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808590694509744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257663642782605,0.0,0.4189641587224468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154354292110922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202571184466812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325477764081559,0.326196605691274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174079671515157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dj0127,2019/03/16,"I'm a F*cking Hurricane The title says it all. Everything in my path gets destroyed. I was born from shit and I'll die that way. 
I've wanted to kill myself for years. And I've attempted it several times. The ropes broke. The pills came back up. Guns are impossible for me to get. My latest attempt was to slit my wrists but apparently I didn't go deep enough and now I'm here. I've had a lot of things happen to me. I was molested from ages five to nine by my uncle and his son. From nine to fourteen I was raped by my best friends brother. I got bullied and tormented and beat so bad in school I had to drop out because I was terrified to go. I've lived on the streets and sold myself just to have a meal or a warm bed. I've slept in drainage ditches, park benches, under houses, with stray dogs.... Besides what happened to me from 5 to 14 I've been fucked up other ways too. From 14 to 16 I was in a sex trafficking ring....I was the oldest....and I saw the most.....At 17 I was raped in a park....at 18 I was raped and beaten daily for two weeks....at 21....just three weeks ago....... I went into inpatient to try and get some help.....and while I was there I got raped by another inmate.......I have so much hatred for the world and so much hatred towards myself that I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of being a hurricane.....and its time for this hurricane to die down into nothing but a messy aftermath. I'm not going to do it tonight.  Or tomorrow. I've got a set date....March 18th....3 days and I'm gone. The only problem that I'm leaving behind is a funeral arrangement. ",-0.2097492401215817,1.9588639179331293,2.1794521276595766,94.086625,89.15197568389057,5.478449848024316,19.77515197568389,6.961326702584282,0.3534722796352585,1195,38,272,18,40,406,179,329,0.27,0.688,0.041,-0.9982,1,0,0,1,0,1,86.0,0,0,0,5,9,16,10,0,18,0,22,12,3,0,1,27,47,19,4,2,6,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,12,16,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,13,0,5,23,3,27,3,46,23,7,42,0,1,1,6,5,17,2,4,15,163,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204707226333282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443719206447829,0.0,0.0,0.13654386829575732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586920793774246,0.1149589888987588,0.08392986631710588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448910390078476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747189878048312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887937083059964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28578502854504817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422626446967969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123739994307574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063730213882048,0.1272850892385195,0.2157999937708924,0.0,0.2347441115382032,0.0,0.3303513942089225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24350404745080184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228555903919693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886691541958967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232509131565458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578570053764967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157601386515765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705258763979715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242469900369767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210990244760093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471361101604516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174338892283788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949050959268078,0.0,0.1393418616125699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554183552953565,0.14132892624276452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147001770256907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605673397693349,0.1582455766596942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347725976501588,0.0,0.13449562376722926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120860146435417,0.2185716391834401,0.11044045482173497,0.0,0.0,0.12763289301015274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866290206489931
suicidewatch,Azaissed,2019/03/16,I have been having suicide thoughts and looking for ways to do it for a while now. I told my friend and if feel so much shame. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for about three years. Before that I was self harming. Mostly punching myself. Not much cutting. I had seen a therapist briefly but I was so embarrassed to tell her when she asked if I self harm. I have been in a bad place for a while and felt like I had to tell someone. I don’t have insurance or money to go see someone so I told my best friend today and I feel so much shame. He said it sounded like I was seeking attention. I feel so awful. I wish I hadn’t said anything. Now it’s out and I feel so stupid. I don’t know what to do. ,-0.2368707482993209,1.935722489795917,1.5623469387755122,98.40705782312928,89.40816326530613,4.627210884353741,20.41156462585034,6.139981653823899,-0.04381904761904831,534,18,125,5,18,174,78,147,0.237,0.619,0.14400000000000002,-0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,13,2,3,4,1,17,0,0,0,0,22,35,18,2,3,5,0,5,2,2,0,0,3,0,2,5,6,0,0,9,0,1,1,4,8,0,1,17,11,22,5,12,18,5,12,0,0,3,0,14,3,0,4,9,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658564709563506,0.0,0.1324460841636119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829188901734725,0.0,0.0,0.12055415628134845,0.0,0.1486781434542708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865385654693041,0.0,0.1360292767050568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21891399291228955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805166104757808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786033632598646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384295399344627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897049533166668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124401178841683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801919717839487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695288721910676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289585138585445,0.0,0.29559380174407485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400798748844213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099367666303628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476586761248631,0.0,0.0,0.16449445680687502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494669356259367,0.0,0.0,0.13429040550286764,0.2707511949367557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245424273606464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291813123604734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123342394959284
suicidewatch,godhatesruby,2019/03/16,"My friend is suicidal but doesn't want help Background: My friend (M15) has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and frequently talks about suicide. He had a crush on me (F14) in 7th grade, and we'e currently freshmen in high school. I came out to him as gay and I was pretty nervous and this conversation ensued:

[https://imgur.com/gallery/PQdru04](https://imgur.com/gallery/PQdru04) (I know it's a lot but please read)

By the end of that I was crying. I have no idea how to help him get better. I'm extremely worried about him and I don't want him to commit suicide. What do I do in this situation? Do I betray his trust and get an adult involved? If so, how? What can I say to convince him not to kill himself or push everyone away?

TL;DR: my friend is suicidal and i'm extremely worried and don't know what to do. please help.",2.9171409168081515,5.874694690322585,3.35028862478778,85.57280135823433,82.74193548387099,6.617996604414262,22.996604414261466,7.85451343220497,1.420483870967741,667,23,124,13,19,207,96,155,0.301,0.514,0.185,-0.9774,1,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,1,1,4,0,16,2,0,2,1,25,25,16,5,3,5,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,7,11,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,1,20,6,18,20,2,12,0,1,0,1,19,7,0,3,3,83,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119433133570348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140849194972412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753504199380807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416941115912327,0.0,0.0,0.11110254680090714,0.13092643464654288,0.0,0.0,0.14783857045984866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425060593946068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325952081418327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989818811938166,0.0,0.13478832896458393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25938635274697225,0.13628949303983526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561879167195402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271301049905838,0.0,0.14178371767798095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966628691634037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831938706670949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123351269179462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902914408010938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258139424100013,0.0,0.13054905391827154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449949263689749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643950320733331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036806810097354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216828551745185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619998172026665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,54grizz54,2019/03/16,Why does everything make me want to die? I can’t stop thinking about death. All I think about is killing myself. ,1.2907575757575778,3.951236863636364,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,89.45454545454545,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.17522424242424295,89,3,19,1,3,26,20,22,0.485,0.471,0.044,-0.9337,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710457799482754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128651806434352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213128618556144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39553914073563984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386451026356627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29889988109083154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581643950550168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087255005802547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226031179074216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yourname13,2019/03/16,"I honestly want to know, when is it time to give up? I have been battling depression and anxiety for 10 years. Not long for some but eternity for me. I have tried medication and therapy, and nothing has helped. My negative attitude has pushed away anyone who ever cared about me and I'm honestly just tired. I wake up daily praying I don't have to get up, and I go to sleep hoping so badly it's the last time. I got to know from someone who doesn't know me and can just give an honest opinion, when is it time to give up and admit you can't make it? Maybe I'm in the wrong sub I honestly don't understand reddit I just needed to know if I'm crazy or selfish for thinking I've tried enough and I should be allowed to sleep.",2.503859649122809,3.8354328947368437,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,75.3157894736842,7.9614035087719275,25.166666666666664,8.59863814320734,1.5968140350877196,568,19,124,11,12,192,88,152,0.18,0.6579999999999999,0.163,-0.6055,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,9,11,1,0,3,0,15,5,3,2,1,31,36,14,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,0,15,6,20,32,2,18,1,1,0,0,8,6,0,5,10,81,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163854578631698,0.0,0.0,0.10637870510579296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293903278271802,0.0,0.12702920730216255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551152360061803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310365790577192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157199634040435,0.0,0.0,0.13761789085905898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948603354734869,0.4378350423892294,0.0864637574761827,0.0,0.1216789747935832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197516107687928,0.0,0.0,0.151107756931927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344451385781626,0.1240130998135933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463769449896484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015535618769668,0.0,0.15284346933764675,0.0,0.0,0.15326342996918374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280869419834355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598089584333462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044965405771946,0.0,0.1289063707119347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398351682822374,0.0,0.0,0.09748414220357357,0.0,0.0,0.2661393695904693,0.17486070775950946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658397090088726,0.0,0.0,0.15838143751404116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973516876717698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633945486172952,0.0,0.0979721401023477
suicidewatch,fa14b,2019/03/16,"I think it’s time Everything I touch, dies. Everything I try to do is wrong in the eyes of my parents. Friends, are just friends that won’t ask how I’m doing. I make jokes just to help people laugh, but in the inside I’m dead. I think it’s time.. things haven’t been the same and it doesn’t get any better. My parents don’t believe I am depressed and think it’s a stigma a bullshit excuse that just because nobody in my family has had depression means I shouldn’t have it. Come home from break (school) just to get yelled at in the first hour. I think it’s time, for a peaceful forever rest...",2.356532258064515,3.7677299758064535,3.329870967741936,93.27480645161293,75.85483870967742,6.572903225806452,22.883870967741927,7.1686216300943375,0.5693283870967747,463,13,105,5,10,148,74,124,0.173,0.679,0.14800000000000002,-0.8537,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,7,0,14,1,1,2,0,17,26,4,2,1,5,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,3,11,5,11,22,2,12,0,2,1,0,7,5,0,0,5,63,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876754377349353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952624031738124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750050250850703,0.0,0.0,0.18020234700258725,0.0,0.14145765114325712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377777697401679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755194179169346,0.0,0.16599683232708298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28749507546705894,0.0,0.1507811613232518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360484586314311,0.0,0.0,0.2471449912600259,0.0,0.16712849078458406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720722879033492,0.0,0.1604370781565101,0.0,0.15751282311588333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676399848399823,0.0,0.0,0.1742261279395858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35519822193078404,0.0,0.0,0.11088517253970276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187207395715164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106259822418481,0.4099431518924112,0.0,0.0,0.27979425562554944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859161583520527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748738791476568,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Blessed_Fiend,2019/03/16,"I probably shouldn't be posting here, but I'm afraid to be alone right now. I've had suicidal thoughts since puberty. I've tried to change my view of myself, but that little voice always comes back and tells me to kill myself. I wrote a note to myself in my phone that read:

""Help me

I'm damaged
I'm damaged 
I'm damaged
I'm damaged
I'm damaged
I'm damaged
I'm damaged
I want to kill myself
Nothing matters
I'm damaged
Just kill me already
I'm damaged and I can't be fixed. I've spent so long trying to dig myself out of this pit but I can't. It's worthless. I hate myself and I wish i was never born. Just fucking kill me. I'm a waste of oxygen. My parents didn't want to have me. Nina would be happier if I was dead. Papaw doesn't need me. Mom doesn't need me. Dad doesn't need me. Why do I live like this? I'm fake and I'm useless. Who the hell would want me, I'm a new kind of useless. I'm lying to Orion, I want to help her but i can't even do that. Nobody would miss me if I'm dead.""

I don't think of suicide as much as I used to, but god this might be the most tangible one. I'm forcing myself to stay seated in this chair because all I can think about is getting a knife and locking myself in the bathroom. It scares me because it would be so easy. I don't want to feel this way. I'm only 17. I want to grow up. I don't want to die. Please someone help me.",-1.5894074763455848,0.3574274169381121,1.213157282456958,99.38391150922912,95.67752442996745,3.5752753218551265,17.73297657825345,5.1001847267431195,-0.7125544594384983,1055,32,256,5,42,363,134,307,0.289,0.5529999999999999,0.158,-0.9961,1,1,0,0,0,6,35.0,0,0,0,0,9,25,7,2,7,0,30,1,0,1,2,43,71,16,9,18,9,3,1,1,0,6,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,0,4,1,1,2,12,23,0,1,7,3,42,2,27,52,3,18,1,13,1,1,11,7,2,4,7,143,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046905111418384,0.11154654731468684,0.0,0.08410835676178798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772585115705924,0.0,0.12323734963298258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693139782232784,0.08707322908228174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049072011791704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676373565505261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111011779560653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344871935269468,0.05281119512859799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979758975619138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325948683902784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44732921330812,0.10526139220004037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938358004866848,0.10131076165570993,0.0892572953177165,0.08945442662721177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723207308723533,0.0,0.11838606633702298,0.0,0.0,0.07430693178759898,0.2248531608246206,0.07796070258262161,0.09762566639880034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699094584758076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849580793076929,0.07687744815033967,0.0,0.0,0.1122396457938216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095772814983544,0.0,0.0,0.09680865492898202,0.0,0.10898353811834488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101109396601854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632351187735225,0.0,0.0,0.10120075831286113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361610999785345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564648647277287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774000776806844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113469613728826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835016039892693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953858246782882,0.0,0.08024785066461157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725614313347848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730242989135455,0.0,0.0,0.4173456527286222,0.0802342202480484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912108209290491,0.0,0.11623936016956828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872231308442648,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,running_outta_time,2019/03/16,"Best way to say goodbye without drawing attention? Despite the strong confident exterior I've put on for years, I've been slowly burning away on the inside.

Of the few friends I have, I honestly consider all of them good folks whom I'd feel terrible about traumatizing.

It is my intention to disappear without a trace but I'd like to say goodbye prior to. 

Any advice on what to say without drawing attention?",5.3546491228070145,7.394290078947371,6.584210526315792,70.41780701754391,69.26315789473685,10.329824561403509,38.982456140350884,10.504223727775694,4.921682456140351,330,20,53,10,6,111,53,76,0.116,0.733,0.152,0.5987,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,1,7,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,4,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,4,4,6,16,3,3,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117023361069658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732557635828628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354448354745824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273548629291422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095418848437257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737887525193978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171098896968144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584147859911927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778739351377188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168528102488427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719621885843776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265122218121861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951184831007632
suicidewatch,John_3627,2019/03/16,"Need help. My friend earlier today was saying how he was kinda feeling down and that he was getting drunk alone in his room. So I asked if he wanted to chat on PS4 which he agreed and he was talking about how he should just kill himself and such. After 20 minutes of convincing him to let me pick him up so we could hang out, he agrees. I get to his place and he won’t answer my calls or text and all the doors are locked so I can’t get in. He was saying he was tired so I’m hoping he maybe just passed out and fell asleep but I’m worried. What should I do if anything but wait?",1.7759999999999998,2.9996772000000007,2.8786000000000023,96.6883,77.0,5.6400000000000015,19.7,5.6839178017228535,-0.3668400000000003,450,9,108,2,10,144,81,125,0.085,0.8220000000000001,0.093,-0.2281,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,10,4,1,0,1,0,14,3,1,3,1,30,25,17,1,8,7,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,3,9,1,1,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,3,13,3,13,14,1,14,0,0,0,0,25,9,0,5,2,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273998420596651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806806802461093,0.0,0.20526067469509968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419717944117112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753022573221191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101705959411473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963292712326208,0.0,0.34413598616272223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716766814298146,0.0,0.0,0.2180744407868376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429126368413738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451684947463127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205793718369003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628023167220964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939538358214134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492087635010721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647548408874986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523540275792999,0.20811894449477572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950325744448907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297569866300854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xXMorsCertaXx,2019/03/16,Today's my birthday And all I can think about is when I finish work I'm gonna go home and run the razor from the wrist to the elbow. One last cut. One last time.,-1.817837837837839,0.06527640540540602,0.6905945945945966,103.29156756756758,95.75675675675676,2.9600000000000004,10.102702702702704,3.1291,-2.1152875675675675,125,1,32,0,5,42,30,37,0.063,0.937,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,17,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089847993902304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545827631122297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762887011228965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790726348182572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22650433613473497,0.0,0.0,0.20612487961553574,0.0,0.3350704677767857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25734744942927584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fallcreek,2019/03/16,"Death sounds kind of nice For a long time, I've thought about ending my life. It's crossed my thoughts for years, triggered through various ways, but with that said I don't think I'll ever go through with it. Not only do I lack the courage to do something like that, it's just frightening to think about what comes after.

It's just a reoccurring concept that keeps crossing my mind because I feel like a total loser. I mean, I'm a 23 year old high school drop out who has various health problems that works a minimum wage job in a liquor store. I don't even get to spend my paycheck because I have to give it to my Dad so he can buy the groceries/pay the rent/buy alcohol so he can be a belligerent asshole for the rest of the night. 

Shit, I don't even know what I'm going to do with my life. It's crushing to know people younger than me are more successful/smarter than I am (which manifests itself in my co-workers at my job). It really just makes me hate myself so much more. Why am I so awkward? Why am I smart enough to realize how stupid I am? Why do I have to have these health problems? Why do I procrastinate so fucking much when I know I have to get shit done? 

It's silly, but one of the reasons why I want to live is because I want to keep experiencing the joys of this life, like seeing the sunrises/sunsets. Seeing my sister's graduation. Personal fulfillment through accomplishing my goals. Playing that new game that comes out next year, or watching that new TV show.

Being dead would be easier, but it's not the answer. Atleast not at this point in time.",3.840704978740913,4.996887630914832,4.563135372376905,86.89549444520641,71.74447949526814,7.910519818954875,28.609107118365113,8.321376580360154,1.809578356878343,1237,47,262,19,23,397,167,317,0.158,0.735,0.107,-0.9759,5,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,15,19,5,1,16,0,26,10,2,4,2,43,54,11,2,6,10,2,1,3,0,1,6,2,0,1,24,7,2,2,12,5,4,6,6,9,0,1,4,7,30,10,37,46,10,32,0,1,3,1,9,9,3,1,18,164,54,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329020886841153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675211563537194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665120463488416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890722626303508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560383600382622,0.0998660132538032,0.0,0.12767375648042995,0.08742609482765183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048869499804783015,0.06904728201430257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893520181351705,0.10099200711485072,0.09271616186878938,0.10985764442516503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542256021815013,0.0,0.2054703568232758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211677492029013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182181989052244,0.1718151725087816,0.0,0.1006468348623773,0.1593500973099868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204801750911182,0.14165595539413986,0.0,0.08534434206448971,0.08553283132858068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451509520542156,0.0,0.0,0.1052809504224312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758965868921787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209877594139478,0.0,0.0,0.18669170374825853,0.10278911983245988,0.09070013809703062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141865510440196,0.0,0.06549301814735646,0.07350721538932146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700542846698204,0.08439166645410895,0.0,0.0,0.09136615523735163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496334090104688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191691565436753,0.0993730205257769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193695197958132,0.0,0.0,0.09781567204988023,0.15403619483403494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984211168207458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440643361210937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385973665604826,0.0,0.1534597254528575,0.11271560510988705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401417831710838,0.07671682985410712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43606113503904187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072572675365966,0.0,0.0,0.06865788684373543,0.0,0.0,0.18671965303903668
suicidewatch,bogus594,2019/03/16,"My girlfriend is supportive but being honest just embarrasses me. I've been honest about my suicidal thoughts and she understands. I hate putting that on her, I hate that she knows now. I don't want her to treat me differently, or feel bad for me. I told her intending to vent and now just feel like an attention seeker and feel shame",4.619531250000001,6.417693140625001,5.073875000000001,81.48362500000003,70.71875,9.495,28.425,9.888512548439397,2.7512537500000014,267,10,52,7,5,85,44,64,0.32299999999999995,0.4920000000000001,0.185,-0.9416,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,16,15,5,1,1,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,3,14,5,5,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201439731540905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652946126871468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851720209025964,0.18140204188378367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013911267865735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395489785314721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405354130218718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552619046327383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27774962987270657,0.28814785812373983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015858317080954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426335055336087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643419236696749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497698689004231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,p3t3r-c45t1gl10n3,2019/03/16,"I want to die so badly. But I'm too afraid to kill myself, so I'm just waiting for someone or something to kill me Life has been at it's worst for me right now. I lost everything and I literally have no one. I just can't carry on anymore. Everyday I wake up feeling so numb and sad, and I can't even remember the last time I truly smiled. 

And now that I think of it, I don't remember the last time I was ok. 
But I'm too afraid to kill myself so I'm just waiting to get killed. I'm trying to slip on ice, or fall off a ledge, or get hit by a something. 
No one even cares, no one has ever asked me if I'm ok. 

Please someone help me! I can't carry on anymore!",-0.5947427293064891,1.0305785637583929,2.30144966442953,96.25468008948549,85.51006711409396,5.315615212527964,19.32930648769575,6.42735559955562,-0.13334129753914992,502,14,127,5,15,177,76,149,0.272,0.602,0.126,-0.9833,0,0,2,0,0,4,17.0,0,0,0,1,14,14,4,2,4,2,9,3,1,0,1,21,26,14,5,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,7,11,0,3,3,1,17,3,16,22,1,16,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,4,8,80,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656597959815838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521337675525712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183212369135123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655809264552488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900586186232214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692876202137234,0.12115403472592688,0.0,0.0,0.12037428722653913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677227673048791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995351343502666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897754073192653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5927274975708344,0.0,0.0,0.21835369380385886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460393753428127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462084798829507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722783195534288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702303043440215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30344990018699197,0.11438179679391045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269694269565806,0.20622308841416187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582166952300364,0.0,0.0,0.15619993507153546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909346939853148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899974113169468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,space_boiyo,2019/03/16,"Can someone answer my question I don't know where to go for a simple answer. I've waited hours on suicide prevention lines, in online chats, being refused by doctors and on that therapy cups site or whatever they preach to me about accepting my life and finding help. Just answer my question, please and thank you. I want to die, on time preferably, and I need to know what brand of sleeping pills is best and how many pills I can take. I want to go to sleep. I want to die that way. I deserve to die if I want to just like everyone else deserves to live if they want to. ",4.065065217391304,4.99567562608696,4.689293478260872,87.0461141304348,71.0,7.4891304347826075,28.28804347826087,7.6454224807358475,1.5583260869565216,447,16,92,5,8,143,72,115,0.142,0.6779999999999999,0.18,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,1,2,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,1,0,30,18,9,4,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,10,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,15,4,19,17,1,11,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,5,3,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500715958611708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598830395967808,0.0,0.0,0.1511822041476071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338847471544155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411383432246108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499958502407028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678881750792278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900346802140512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545955456802626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623494791892258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432832536271107,0.07216114382896423,0.0,0.13042611570198911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497495657919136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952129744793693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213560402191365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33092654037919256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29562310271748904,0.0,0.1251498660630993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156516597025666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105568815741383,0.0,0.0,0.13598680933552745,0.16891340364315496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612790372426278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356008275750045,0.11724125917194055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ttoshiro,2019/03/16,"5 down, 21 more to go Just got rejected by my safety school. Currently 0 for 5. 21 more and I'm out",-3.1963043478260857,-1.7729907391304334,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,108.56521739130434,5.778260869565218,14.445652173913045,7.1686216300943375,0.053356521739130525,75,2,20,2,4,28,20,23,0.13699999999999998,0.747,0.116,-0.128,1,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031867394934986,0.0,0.5673978386314091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7179833882570035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hellodarklight,2019/03/16,"Do other people... Go back to suicide being the only option for their life? I will have thoughts randomly and then they spiral, or I will have too much emotion to deal with, then the only option in that moment is suicide. It happens a lot and has been for a few years now.",2.3738888888888847,4.434606388888888,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000002,77.7037037037037,5.060740740740742,21.91111111111111,5.6839178017228535,0.30798222222222194,211,6,40,1,5,69,42,54,0.158,0.8420000000000001,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,9,12,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,7,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,5,6,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025505789130288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27157024177357153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963074495213143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970533489601784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329378236579885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605845087296802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394679105988333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364100652196148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40067934661126986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261942827900104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762685136745064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912281263795604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696312128066109
suicidewatch,peachybren,2019/03/16,"why am i still here i should’ve been gone three years ago. i should’ve done it while i had the opportunity, and tonight has given me another one. i can’t focus on anything, but how shitty things have been lately. i can’t do my homework that’s due on monday because i don’t know if i’ll make it through the weekend. i just want to go out peacefully now. i’m sorry",0.173333333333332,2.3447327435897454,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,86.94871794871796,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.08983589743589793,286,9,65,3,9,96,59,78,0.08900000000000001,0.799,0.112,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,11,0,0,2,0,9,18,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,0,10,1,5,12,0,15,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,10,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27108587756967184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32067290168146184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516590676428538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642152607960133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31295415040393704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380128366467215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806751203330908,0.0,0.3449717901579924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413338409215498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722764782815192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423340113523502,0.0,0.0,0.24422365213198266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031693965318004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803771658419709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27594979092305644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969343481036384
suicidewatch,palamema,2019/03/16,"Not sure if I'll make it through the night, at a very inconvenient time Here I go, trying this subreddit again, but it never really gets anywhere. But it's worth a shot, I guess.

Anyway, to keep things short, tonight is a very bad night to be feeling this, because I have people depending on me for something tomorrow, and it will have a very large impact on people emotionally (more than usually, anyway). I feel super guilty and terribly, but... fuck fuck fuck, why does this have to hit now? After a few attempts in the past month, I know exactly where this feeling is going. Why can't it just wait one more day?

I don't know what I'm asking for, I have all kinds of support and professional help, but it doesn't work. If anything, it makes me feel worse.

This post will be deleted in two hours.",5.0892307692307694,5.671214076923082,5.546564102564106,83.08176923076925,68.48717948717949,8.804102564102564,28.42051282051282,8.841846274778883,1.995371282051282,620,20,126,10,10,199,100,156,0.202,0.6940000000000001,0.103,-0.9665,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,3,0,7,0,13,3,0,3,4,27,34,9,0,2,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,2,6,0,1,2,5,5,0,2,0,4,9,4,14,29,4,24,0,0,0,3,2,7,3,4,14,81,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366173767910315,0.0,0.12912440295914002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153251879112201,0.08419722282794298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907655846504807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120870536370674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536742964798325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27935232230261314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830716582151631,0.07216247310243176,0.0,0.15699458872843294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215575079139518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257953240229214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602127091590382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227682082865687,0.0,0.1438316698734704,0.15181527646935114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843935557065471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024679010271088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065273582517099,0.0,0.0,0.2592342290363834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935943010832728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185203430110662,0.19151129154079305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228164862363195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884837897203611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633222207526878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673796829419706,0.13017732011866015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176139317893137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805394115270581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377502926126367,0.0,0.13492405624628753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212066532792776,0.3418926400450228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492652702108225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005536652037469,0.0,0.14075700408618205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon2608,2019/03/16,"Been thinking a lot about suicide lately I used to think about it when I was super stressed and I'd tell myself I was too stupid for stuff but lately I've come to realize there's legitimately  no point to keep living. I'm stuck in a minimum wage job. I'm never going to be able to make more than minimum wage because I can't do college

 I have a little bit of college but not enough to do anything with. College has been the worst experience I've ever had. I'd rather die than go back. 



I just chugged 3 beers in the middle of this and I feel WAY better. That's another problem I have. I'm totally dependant on alcohol.... I honestly think the only way to make me NOT kill myself is drink every day. Maybe every second day ",1.2127600671140932,3.4759660604026874,3.564022651006713,86.09690645973156,83.0268456375839,6.409563758389263,22.735318791946305,7.6454224807358475,1.1978218120805368,569,20,115,10,16,196,97,149,0.16399999999999998,0.737,0.1,-0.8357,3,0,3,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,2,1,6,0,13,3,0,4,3,25,28,5,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,1,5,2,2,3,5,5,0,1,6,1,12,3,18,21,6,19,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,8,74,16,6,0.14673816289548905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681847021033316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538677581320364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207530051612183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283258966038755,0.0,0.08945022212670319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977798053073636,0.16020006903088568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640193424956425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926795144450909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152291046117338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437475358355194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161974785449106,0.0,0.0,0.13273306925733894,0.24726646200904076,0.0,0.0,0.14353808015766967,0.0,0.0,0.07419522414843291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667893591115947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561498460379865,0.13042762139283287,0.16234403617629273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310540784212085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707018871985475,0.12957248620448533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475153868738215,0.0,0.0,0.19589772634649524,0.0,0.14741820757813462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317351734579932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160098515688212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387149939020318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040860446921366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808806982028174,0.0,0.16798008971744674,0.16050773364009027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825562211699446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282071669268301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673465908248613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329478472143302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarmanTheta,2019/03/16,"Just wanna drop out of life for awhile. I don't even know what I should say or explain or whatever, because whenever I talk about it I just feel worse and guilty or I'm misunderstood. Just turned 28 this hour and I've found that, when all is said and done, I'm still the same person I was 10 and 20 years ago, and I'll be the same person 10 to 20 years from now, if I live that long.

I'm not even sure what I want anymore. All I think about each day is regretting when I backed down from my suicide plan at the last minute three years ago. Since I work in a biochemistry lab I certainly have a lot of chemicals at my access that could put me under, but I need to research more to figure out the best method.",5.277799999999999,4.259059413333337,5.567833333333336,88.53975000000001,68.2,9.366666666666667,26.75,8.472884824447931,1.3230000000000004,552,12,132,7,8,176,98,150,0.094,0.838,0.068,-0.1484,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,4,36,21,12,1,7,9,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,7,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,3,15,3,18,14,8,23,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,5,14,85,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30558868149052776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094330861164286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254079374528768,0.0,0.10507428285613286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089018413944435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762228059750115,0.0,0.0,0.11116347054740476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763928963144681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276956349886831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715473012133873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889932445598805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974832440583876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472926045447057,0.14050339355448707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174902137559653,0.0,0.0,0.15220460879949138,0.1525407638861659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146541597674386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780911356253588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010111805391563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17327802541102416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396198590055258,0.13707440842972834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425850656381296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765376587098807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854324342768705,0.0,0.16245534111680895,0.0,0.0,0.13854333059279628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044682229488907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748751165315708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166745087353256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548637478732758,0.0,0.17565830278697653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33299913103212303
suicidewatch,rainonatent,2019/03/16,"Want to punish myself for sister's death I don't deserve to live. She was suicidal and I thought I was helping but looking back I see how badly I fucked up. She was probably the only good member of my family and now she is gone. I am such garbage. Why am I still here? I have been talking about suicide forever and should have done it a long time ago. Now that my sister is gone I feel like such a fucking joke of a person. Here's how much I suck as a person: not a single old friend or person I grew up with came to my sister's funeral. Zero. There were hundreds of people and none of them were my friends. When I do it I hope my parents have a private funeral for me because it would be fucking humiliating for them to see how unloved I am.

Sorry this is so stupid.",0.3011278195488707,2.5469759875776425,2.5929977116704808,91.5646453089245,87.2608695652174,5.128604118993135,21.517162471395878,6.5966054737557815,0.4750919254658386,598,21,128,7,19,203,97,161,0.276,0.613,0.111,-0.9874,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,0,15,14,6,0,7,0,21,3,0,3,0,18,35,12,5,4,3,4,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,4,3,8,0,1,11,4,26,6,16,21,3,15,0,0,3,3,16,2,4,2,10,100,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121417535440527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382117208843882,0.12359369748239915,0.09023394000507416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692998034020126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514797492851218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954367326004918,0.0,0.07484528540342346,0.10574823866286734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287256551520437,0.4105368783441592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415534797284553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921723890534097,0.0,0.0,0.14702104180705652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231695606272158,0.0,0.13070773519067108,0.13099641284897992,0.1243027187366742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088145313876314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553260871677145,0.0,0.0,0.11257877688541884,0.0,0.0,0.164362922359374,0.0,0.0,0.10262107116347256,0.38774604119091705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959470192110528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359116219904981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570053518859382,0.0,0.0,0.11821200500680155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238280434254329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897593056076584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751436985575593,0.08631387335218223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730827766059514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356846391189608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515186684011008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrozenKiddo,2019/03/17,"My dreams will never be reality Even though I have an idea of what kind of happiness I would want to achieve, it simply isn't possible. It's all just escapist fantasies that I loose myself in to avoid living the life that I made for myself. I'm not healthy. And I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to become healthy by my own choice. As soon as I step out of my daydreams, I realise that the anxiety I feel about them is justified. There is no way I can be committed to someone or something as long as I can't accept to live with myself. And I can't do that. Because I don't want to be me. No version of me that I could become is within my reach, because I am my own enemy. The only thing I can do is drag around the parts that I have of me and use them somehow. That doesn't sound fulfilling. I can't deal with myself, so, I don't think I'll ever be happy. But I might be functional enough to exist. I don't know how much this is worth. Especially since it will be lonely, thanks to the fact that I'm just noone to be around with. I would drag people down and I don't want that. Sorry, this is just a vent...I might write my thoughts more properly...But I did think about killing myself just now. Ironically, I dragged myself out of it through a daydream. But this is sad, isn't it. I feel like I will end up committing suicide anyways, just because I wouldn't be able to face anyone who is stronger than me. I'm not allowed to exist in a world where I put myself equal to people who actually deserve/ try to be alive.",2.6195104166666674,3.680475096875004,4.101875000000003,89.40229166666668,74.59375,7.083333333333335,24.895833333333336,7.492282038375204,0.9925833333333332,1181,37,265,14,24,393,153,320,0.142,0.7559999999999999,0.102,-0.9238,1,3,1,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,2,1,21,11,1,1,9,0,45,2,1,4,8,55,61,15,2,8,12,0,2,1,0,8,1,1,0,0,21,11,0,1,8,2,1,2,17,4,0,0,3,3,46,7,41,39,9,22,0,2,0,0,6,11,0,5,9,201,67,1,0.2414640334439693,0.0,0.11781703251786894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235966233425663,0.0,0.0,0.08441863325122212,0.0,0.0,0.2149541831130613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079135039897035,0.2666780540732335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639469129889244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446940791530185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069327316545815,0.12474844697619045,0.0,0.07974235839410268,0.21841804232687487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220914704916941,0.08625097686958343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704295360656265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362917513275376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357208856642427,0.12572381667266086,0.06635115897539391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527659388065666,0.05898356496063981,0.0,0.21321716535719226,0.10684403558395314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423955340038157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25615518123925723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875192389454663,0.0,0.0931159741887358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918221391101037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074100886076748,0.0,0.16740075763286566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361072085351858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136902321236925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987077184266176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022958459783348,0.09294540490524858,0.0,0.13514960824446776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320612306946018,0.0,0.11378849695574225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115382013959622,0.0,0.0,0.08020898724046467,0.1547204027405541,0.1186185934394195,0.09584773538012184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196911429651091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427369865942428,0.0,0.0,0.21363261456395516,0.09583145526110244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152912141702684,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rockafan,2019/03/17,"18 y.o in foreign country soon to be homeless It's really complicated. I was Born and raised in Poland. Few months ago i was kicked out of the house for being gay. Now i moved to UK. The thing is i dont see hope for me. I need to go to school but i cant do that since im on my own. I have to work and i gotta tell you i dont want to spend my whole life working in fcking mcdonald, sorry but i have higher ambitions than that but since i wasnt lucky as other kids i cant attend university. Whats the best way to kill yourself? I was thinking about jumping from the bridge but i want to make quick, im afraid that if i jump from the bridge somehow i will make it and then suffer a lot ",-0.8643137254901951,1.0864508366013084,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,89.65359477124184,4.70718954248366,16.34313725490196,6.139981653823899,-0.6467411764705888,530,12,133,5,18,180,96,153,0.14,0.82,0.04,-0.9065,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,5,6,1,1,6,0,15,2,0,2,0,19,25,10,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,4,1,20,3,21,17,5,18,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,5,7,88,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513618932308702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919433798843568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40024159318657104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704264780329308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959587767545176,0.0,0.19702559548314533,0.0,0.0,0.3688842574661359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891247270852848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060762384608925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516776964960387,0.0,0.0,0.2279573968575466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629311061016638,0.1814830100664104,0.0,0.12661090264617256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938849945951706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281076546011487,0.13606772912759213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28249666023188963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114357612484853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492453143556268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344045208597447,0.10941138292391946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014286362847686,0.13553548028582885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063920006605906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486198791112908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AggravatingManager,2019/03/17,"God help me I don't know whats wrong with me I don't know why Im like this I hate that Im like this 
Why can't I just get settled down and life the life I want to live
Ive been doing this shit for so long, Ive worked so hard and Im so tired. I just want a break  but it only gets harder and harder and it demands more of my time and sanity

I don't know how people do it. I can't keep myself in check Im losing my mind right now I can't do this just give me a break. Why am I like this why was I made to be this unmotivated and lazy its fucking cruel I can't deal with this fucking brainwash me into doing it if you have to right now I can't do anything life wants me to do. ",-1.2489814814814828,0.15059130864197634,1.7612191358024702,100.46923611111113,86.53086419753086,4.5438271604938265,14.445987654320989,5.148860815047168,-1.289445679012346,520,7,144,2,16,184,79,162,0.161,0.747,0.092,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,9,10,5,0,3,0,21,7,1,2,0,24,35,12,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,14,9,0,1,3,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,3,1,24,3,11,31,1,11,0,1,0,2,4,5,3,1,7,89,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014968083915836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254685467806425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502151320314304,0.12716766076859992,0.11674683727087776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109020330211387,0.12015469455610638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157371875225793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258325250862976,0.0,0.0,0.10817357826965247,0.0,0.0,0.20065131585230145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25788337442457604,0.17837111070510606,0.0,0.1074643494096916,0.10770169233889176,0.0,0.13615246233828154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115156575339131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288347330893873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255921233492416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437225717529948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786424257285627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492448657096203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096492209349219,0.13987757454819122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215347482913457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392654514288686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859989019166907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306110787179815,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tnevmucric1,2019/03/17,"waiting to be pushed over the edge i would give anything to not be myself right now. my life is slowly nearing a close and i feel like i'm suffocating, just waiting for something small to finally edge me over so i finally finish it all and kill myself. my family doesn't know i'm trans and they likely never will, i've been self-harming for nine years and been suicidal for longer and i honestly just can't see a fucking point anymore. i'm too weak to just do it, but it feels like it's simmering under my skin. anyone want to run me over because i'd be happy to put my head on the road",2.5260975609756144,4.022431081300817,4.172853658536585,87.05293902439026,75.58536585365854,7.196422764227643,24.49512195121952,7.908726449838941,1.2591209756097568,465,15,98,7,10,156,80,123,0.062,0.826,0.112,0.7140000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,2,0,4,0,11,5,2,0,2,20,23,7,2,2,5,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,2,4,13,5,15,16,1,20,0,0,1,1,2,11,1,0,9,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940317145897506,0.13353929879758866,0.0,0.15716220025970207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642106715590682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004116139533027,0.0,0.19313282779772184,0.272875656195357,0.0,0.4184236557955112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765601039586436,0.0,0.18320767140855854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033042615327142,0.0,0.0,0.19600298821294573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129367248825345,0.0,0.10495890424586046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489648093188916,0.279912986105298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729736103419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054005050680202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199001015920164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309788231143932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218820537521818,0.0,0.19923624143510998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702754261098114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890369182858584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264633746702317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356683809913767,0.0,0.0,0.12298637098426357
suicidewatch,zazzpzazz,2019/03/17,"Unsure if anyone can relate to this. I feel like I'm not even a person anymore. I've been in a dead end in life for about 5 years now. I have a circle of people who say they care about me. But it only makes my problems worse. I feel like i have no personality what so ever. I have no real passions. No drive. No inspiration to make anything out of my life. The only thing that's kept me going so far is the people who ""care"" about me. The only shred of humanity and emotion i feel is a crippling fear that I'll let everybody i know down. And that I'll just dissapoint them. I work a job that i hate. And i can't leave because i don't wanna let them down. I have a house filled with roomates. Who i depend on for survival. And i know that if i stopped working. Or if i disappeared I'd let them down. I have no family left except for my little sister. Who i don't want to show any weakness too. Because i don't wanna let her down. I don't think I've been happy for a very long time. I feel like i want to be happy. But i can't find anything or anyone that makes me feel happy. My hobbies are just things i do that i felt used to make me feel happy. But don't give me any joy anymore. And everytime i say ""I'll just try doing this"" i either give up or never start in the first place. I don't know what to do anymore really. I feel trapped. And i feep scared. I don't wanna let the people i care about down. But i can't be happy no matter what i do. All i think about is how other people have less. And it's selfish of me to keep on thinking these things when i have people who depend on me. And most of the time it's easy to suppress these feelings. But every now and again all these thoughts start flooding back to me. I'm letting people down i need to try harder. If i stop now everything ive done up to this point will be for nothing. I'd let everyone down. And i don't want to do that. But the pressure keeps building and i don't know how to stop it. Everytime i try to reach out about this stuff. I can never get the right words out. And i don't want other people to worry about me. I'm in this fucked up place where im too scared to take a step forward. To scared to take a step back. But misserable where i am now.


I don't know if I'm suicidal.... I might be i might not be. I feel like I'm depressed. And i feel like I'm not worth much of anything. But i don't know if i could ever do the deed as they say. Or if I'd ever want to. But what scares me are times like this. Times when I'm so overwhelmed with the preassure of society and my peers. Yet constantly thinking about how others manage with less. That make me feel hopeless. Like i might crack and not know what I'd do when i do. I don't want to die. I just want to be happy. And i never know how. ",-0.3901068188469417,1.5932725936981775,1.9775034143010441,96.67911435469713,87.57379767827528,4.6747536825675535,16.993683543068972,5.985473137389443,-0.5422630767729979,2126,49,507,17,68,721,204,603,0.147,0.7390000000000001,0.113,-0.9037,1,1,0,0,0,2,68.0,0,0,5,4,38,33,2,7,19,0,61,5,0,12,8,126,123,47,3,20,30,1,12,7,0,4,3,3,0,3,39,22,0,7,27,1,1,7,29,14,0,1,6,15,80,19,69,99,7,67,0,3,0,2,20,30,1,17,39,354,119,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915289043181673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512741774205975,0.07110422148098043,0.0,0.12552367725820918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819356296670266,0.0,0.061989462417749136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555200557069581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494554354150468,0.0,0.040595714569970014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043792852762045364,0.0,0.052769237769350434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052032240999517934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719394961985374,0.045033710818953215,0.0,0.0,0.03358274171412216,0.1379770459932266,0.04283923138884931,0.048584719270285175,0.045696341858336174,0.0,0.04793228184817183,0.057214928982876626,0.28279718845482965,0.18161892481826564,0.048819317106237686,0.0,0.04647154550738518,0.043248858192243465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047005521406882717,0.026564492058700324,0.09755060092530647,0.028896470188982774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32475364264029616,0.0,0.05019905862952506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866847592499521,0.0,0.0,0.05492148653374604,0.0,0.050455965345577516,0.09038701014196593,0.0,0.0,0.2235453156066277,0.0,0.0,0.05383767186271558,0.055243403704948964,0.3639482716113157,0.07182686552611357,0.17388260231320968,0.05096019730117087,0.0,0.04499635730582724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969766055859514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181600588818895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03737703520193869,0.037701034099269226,0.11764474140021584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048787292248545874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601008209963568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467473726438002,0.08879204671281385,0.10624471878257298,0.0,0.04806510088420071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865194128609435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578729115532542,0.03257270473551762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342147986163032,0.0,0.121302310976856,0.2036194586386608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197691703229239,0.0,0.0,0.127526465036563,0.0,0.0,0.05820553158448361,0.055616341053613766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645844933732272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013377741476625,0.13031807505520807,0.0,0.04036536924636791,0.11859286224218027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356155684600356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043913884166167656,0.0,0.0419525732740722,0.2099285057012288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403174880069713,0.051635717401689166,0.05181555116530269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032742609255654594
suicidewatch,NotARussianBot7,2019/03/17,"Why live always sad Not interesting, boring, no-one likes me not even me.i just want sol1 to cuddle",2.9036842105263148,5.532547000000001,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,79.0,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.16712631578947335,79,1,15,1,2,25,18,19,0.219,0.532,0.248,-0.0762,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574129019894324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630863239918535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26856649601019617,0.0,0.4854147678884765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242403923037698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960387754591045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okaythen96,2019/03/17,"My boyfriend hung himself My boyfriend, my beautiful baby boy killed himself 1 year ago. It was so unexpected. I left to pick up my friend from work and kissed him and told him I’d be right back.. he further asked me to go for breakfast in the morning.. bought me flowers that day and planned a movie night. We’ve lived together for three years at that point. That was the last time I seen him.. I remember it clearly; I was at the door. And said love you and he said it back. That’s the night he hung himself in our garage after me receiving my last night “hey baby, I was just thinking of you and what you were up too, I love you very much” last txt I ever got, it’s been a year and my heart still breaks my mind still wonders why???? What went through his head at that moment knowing I was coming back. Knowing we had plans. How could he leave me? So many thoughts went through my head. I loved him so much and we were very well off.. I never seen any problems? So hard to accept. So anyone who feels like that. Please reach out. No matter who you reach out to. You’re not alone. Please always remember that....... 

A young 22 year old woman who misses her boyfriend every single day ",0.6445569620253124,3.0802327594936765,1.3323502109704641,99.58105696202534,88.49367088607596,4.1726582278481015,18.87046413502109,5.6839178017228535,-0.44226345991561145,912,26,203,6,30,278,133,237,0.045,0.775,0.179,0.9846,1,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,5,0,3,15,11,1,0,7,0,11,8,3,2,3,33,33,14,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,16,13,1,0,9,0,1,5,3,3,1,1,19,6,39,8,21,12,3,45,0,1,2,4,36,14,0,1,26,124,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192526582250753,0.0,0.0,0.1074036464158831,0.0,0.0,0.08628808964381751,0.0,0.0,0.07052068582706099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251061282799151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694705470487412,0.0,0.0,0.2392205294633474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932979891532082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279733833935962,0.0,0.0,0.13375798514500173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380408975990268,0.0873731223375111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524346758853456,0.07408448761797355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011964634723782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589360439739685,0.0,0.08293969194107048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289631952378154,0.0,0.21285564503345927,0.0,0.0,0.12288696805182235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473052364924385,0.0,0.11398344213500168,0.2535920847289816,0.0,0.10980508607472893,0.11267215852778795,0.0,0.0,0.05066339358217131,0.0,0.09157046691035707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28078439456442306,0.0,0.0,0.10513720803064318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470911598382712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246530637627148,0.0,0.07998111426902219,0.0,0.0,0.2919509528154667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881744913228053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276665663647143,0.09803158935323944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922848473546132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349475338495075,0.08856065221126991,0.1972880548478261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656325614867646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644783732949633,0.0,0.08232753555610525,0.060469272703493886,0.0,0.0,0.09909138149572863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112946232751572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324024765896123,0.19226495810303607,0.0935746196433557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124600281613326,0.07549604457313941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671218797719401
suicidewatch,berry97,2019/03/17,"The irony I’m sitting on the floor in my bathroom me and my SO just had a blow out argument, my daughters crying and I’m ready to just end it all. I love my little girl she’s so beautiful 2 months old my world but my SO is right. I’m stupid , I dont contribute much, I dont do enough and I complain way to much. Idk why I dont mean to but he’s made it clear I’m a burden to him and everyone else. The irony is my greatest fear is dying my 2nd loosing the ones I love but hear I am on the floor ready to end it all and die and leave everyone behind. But I felt maybe if I got It off my chest told someone anyone I’d realize that he’s right I’m stupid and this is just another time I’m just being stupid and I’ll feel better. I dont have any friends or family to talk to so I came here and now I feel even more stupid as I’m typing this. Why don’t I just do it why am I taking the time to do this ? I know why because I’m terrified and a coward and hoping I’ll change my mind before I’m finished. ",-1.3820016103059558,0.43618974347826267,1.584396135265699,98.87566022544284,90.69565217391305,4.972624798711756,16.344605475040257,6.42735559955562,-0.5077471819645729,771,18,199,9,27,270,111,230,0.225,0.6509999999999999,0.124,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,12,12,4,1,9,0,17,3,1,1,3,36,40,22,2,2,11,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,13,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,6,4,28,5,15,33,7,22,0,0,0,2,13,11,0,3,8,115,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360186362920229,0.1134912936730001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567873418196076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597757419579299,0.0,0.09209795109078113,0.0,0.0,0.09572291869011168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378923429101432,0.0,0.0,0.11449571505218915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188884033269898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465665384998693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073910954108104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041442975651824,0.0,0.1917238757030187,0.11183318415294137,0.0,0.0714865961640356,0.0,0.0,0.20684173054026667,0.0,0.0,0.10203204088783736,0.12179173926805728,0.10945128563890676,0.0,0.10392024679480028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362022029862998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656347884456085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219859800781264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749936990031007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594817936440728,0.0,0.0,0.11460267120606694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847747560100024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536825236043956,0.10241228105559537,0.0,0.0,0.10873417077176424,0.11789700552545143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928404885731603,0.0,0.08639021014640429,0.0,0.1591267945920167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357188259843043,0.0,0.07334119507295256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184860058308334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170511103484523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137742799014999,0.08699324539796252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622257174849388,0.0,0.0,0.10342086527013332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590998159604113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906522639915609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheBoyWhoCriedTapir,2019/03/17,"What do I do when the idea of being alive for another minute is unbearable? Title.

I won’t do anything, i think... i know myself.

Thanks.",-0.5877777777777808,1.3683850370370363,1.8122962962962958,91.68733333333334,106.03703703703705,5.122962962962963,16.511111111111113,6.742157984588678,0.3589911111111115,104,3,21,2,5,35,22,27,0.0,0.784,0.21600000000000005,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48830586270260495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832147883027093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256957996530275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559254337531378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287353841564988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29838880581212485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FairCoffee,2019/03/17,"I want to self harm. It seems like recently I have been getting so depressed all I can think of is self harm. 

I just feel like a complete failure. It seems like I can't do anything right. I've made so many mistakes that I can't forgive myself for. I don't have many friends and it just feels like I push everyone away. The result is that I'm here alone.


I don't see any possible way I can offer value to the world. I don't understand the point of it all. I'm literally trying to get through each day without imploding into a complete wreck. On the outside, I've got this façade, but on the inside, I just feel completely lost. I don't know why I keep thinking self harm is the answer. I just don't know I guess. ",1.4169428571428568,3.2715632466666698,3.063238095238095,92.184,79.86666666666667,6.152380952380952,24.04761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.8455619047619051,557,20,124,7,14,184,82,150,0.18600000000000005,0.7440000000000001,0.07,-0.944,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,8,0,16,0,0,2,2,29,37,4,0,2,6,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,12,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,4,17,6,12,33,3,11,0,2,1,0,6,7,0,3,6,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354328087060608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892449066816943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760821899881448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285775474419368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113129489661903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433242361672846,0.0,0.11262745786774235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495128948010925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835570762411686,0.1868366777939817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102849483644774,0.0,0.1366383334913626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045844885870978,0.0,0.14405207669194134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162296874317626,0.0,0.0,0.14372973571635794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255540139292678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427451340318543,0.0,0.0,0.12373273558552883,0.0,0.26514979441140685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361492305967925,0.1474175689915847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911438100521686,0.0,0.0,0.111672352569579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420254810629664,0.238086571664086,0.4092483510428547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757749931749616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878065821812199,0.0,0.0,0.1361306805238542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712841721187016,0.10379494458491832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799481660826434,0.0,0.0,0.12605251941351805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,enneiv,2019/03/17,"I need advice What do I do if someone is able to make me so happy but so sad at the same time? its so insanely stupid how every small little thing becomes a trigger as long as it stems from him. i dont want to tell him these things because what is he going to think of me? And how am i going to phrase it without making it seem like im blaming him? It's not his fault that my mind fucks everything up for me. It might seem so small, so insignificant, but everything in my mind gets amplified tenfold. And once it starts, everything falls to ruin and im left with feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and despair for days. I wished i could stop it, it's tiring to deal with suicidal thoughts everyday. I know im pathetic, I dont need confirmation from myself every single day. Things will be better if i never existed",4.013577235772356,5.266855073170731,5.209512195121949,82.05479674796749,71.4390243902439,8.637398373983741,27.691056910569106,9.075114841892004,2.210676422764228,648,23,128,13,12,215,103,164,0.267,0.667,0.065,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,2,0,2,0,11,2,0,5,1,34,28,17,1,7,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,5,8,0,0,1,1,19,3,20,23,2,18,0,5,0,1,7,7,1,5,9,87,35,0,0.12082878130046006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807248666704664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365610358855904,0.13344589591113598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068632380134954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647194994099964,0.0,0.0,0.15584913604624193,0.1245691679467916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832208635966652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036069190964865,0.0,0.3257793526441777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109466232417447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117042613032326,0.06312805120545298,0.0,0.13733956182681842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286244844963984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915474543824059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640433825711163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128082442319247,0.0,0.0,0.059030839245915234,0.1211021817228639,0.0,0.10692966919090016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130829953784095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818024254581148,0.24400524939957197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918602063672495,0.09319060499700306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867870866016626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199959689685657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023778342916641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552323330678997,0.0,0.0,0.10101827152186388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216707543792727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560968060071828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408198199801474,0.07742220420498165,0.0,0.095924555646723,0.07045623405561803,0.1388749094731028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126794577678695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894713541333945,0.1164746333885277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CanadianArmour,2019/03/17,"I have decided finally how I plan on going out next month I have decided how I plan on doing this. I have decided to hang myself. I am dealing with all my financial affairs right now, and dealing with my relationship so my spouse knows it is not her fault. I am just tired of this life and this darkness that looms and have been looming over me for the past 2 years of my life. I dont know what happiness feels like and I am just a shell so I decided I might as well see what is on the other side even if it is darkness. It is better then the life I am living right now. It will not be immediate but  before my birthday so I do not break anyones heart too badly near my name day. 

Thanks for everything folks. This is not a call for help. What is done is done.",1.347358490566041,3.226258201257864,3.164125786163524,91.25713207547173,80.19496855345913,6.7557232704402495,21.92075471698113,7.793537801064563,0.8473200000000003,590,18,133,10,15,197,91,159,0.107,0.8240000000000001,0.069,-0.6149,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,12,7,0,0,5,0,24,5,1,2,1,27,30,13,0,1,8,1,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,2,1,0,3,2,22,5,15,24,1,21,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,2,10,103,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181808592208503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352449442396966,0.0,0.0,0.13607807688162535,0.0,0.0,0.14143409852850086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329372278284993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313360549847017,0.32973599341571386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273024005394121,0.18742220557737155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562404932577353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437236038540183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085913033658547,0.11424514672922907,0.0,0.1751818854706321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908848425350087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023523104497218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950309501478532,0.1071893788505234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577303279150427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33886353525696195,0.07812764884658002,0.0,0.14121014755725614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964727431656132,0.0,0.0,0.12764468176424953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700741540412147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265941931419394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169162686025374,0.0,0.2731374686286723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743360178016264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723061642030813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838017263436747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378510424202967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298167447178576
suicidewatch,rootingfordaenerys,2019/03/17,"Should I get a funeral plan? In case I gather enough courage to off myself. This'll take care of my burial expenses so my family have lesser things to worry. I'm trying my hardest to hold on though but I thought about this just in case I slip.

Or do you guys think having one will further my plans?

",2.0174999999999983,4.269884416666667,3.0599999999999987,90.935,79.83333333333334,6.0,21.666666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.6616666666666666,235,7,48,3,6,75,49,60,0.064,0.858,0.078,0.2168,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,11,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,2,9,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358945147504026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404081775232509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31057455218396385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212314763687778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262056286393166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324270511709615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24770413328992166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887082227743868,0.21109717835857172,0.32368129777832777,0.2615451631771044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367378101465185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33457075670890424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hilbert999,2019/03/17,Don’t think I will make it till 30 I can’t stop thinking about ending it all,-0.9683333333333336,0.8378821666666703,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,88.44444444444444,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.5563111111111108,61,1,16,0,2,20,15,18,0.145,0.855,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686785617780682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35321830709199337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424013265844594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6781285272726832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GothicChick0005,2019/03/17,"I want to scream for help and I have no one Its almost my 19th birthday and I feel like im drowning. Another birthday with no plans and no friends digs into me like a knife in my chest. I dont want to spend my birthday with my boyfriends friends like a pathetic loser. I just want my own friends. I dont understand why no one likes me. I work now but everyone at my job is much older and theres no common ground. Im so so so tired of being so alone. I dont even try to reach out much online anymore because it all just feels like a bunch of guys hitting on me or sending dick pics. I want my own life and friends so bad and I have no clue where to make any or where i fit in in this world. My boyfriend is going to go out with his friends and get drunk tonight and I cant help but be so jealous. I want my own life and to feel like i belong somewhere. I want friends that love me and call me asking to hang out. Its not fait. I dont get what Im doing wrong, or why no one liked me in high school. Managing a stressful job with all these suicidal thoughts is so hard. I feel stuck, and like all I do is work and sleep. Someone please help me, I need advice :(",0.529285714285713,2.2408312142857203,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,82.09523809523809,5.152380952380953,21.61111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.09828888888888887,894,28,222,6,24,288,123,252,0.231,0.5479999999999999,0.22,-0.9088,2,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,14,21,1,1,4,0,15,8,3,1,3,46,37,24,2,7,8,0,5,8,6,0,3,1,0,1,7,20,1,0,6,1,1,4,13,6,0,3,2,6,36,15,24,32,9,24,0,1,0,2,15,16,1,4,12,137,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251342031093736,0.0,0.0,0.08455408308914969,0.0874539816321448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742183779427072,0.08854230497727937,0.0,0.0,0.0837414143652407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893964706394542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050355643600284,0.051473609182188435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622229389096228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395850427452725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577157325901095,0.0,0.0,0.08068567638453815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078083788731954,0.18097104620493568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914270500404032,0.0,0.0882324336441657,0.0,0.0959779649791947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360850030465419,0.0,0.0,0.0756413147265848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979429400718246,0.08921509557547742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736278415668363,0.0,0.16758658906289667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928440288632593,0.3300234686335273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621005463739572,0.0,0.05636410265899493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241456742701238,0.06261090899328395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716554173818286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268934704515214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545740440315923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450060222011005,0.0,0.07154541680190797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672530049016738,0.0,0.0,0.0923632401986223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703562702577519,0.0,0.09705092269557207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732895985306333,0.0,0.0,0.08790462331725786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29882805709816623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238724830323405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294609942447048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232146993944317,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DOMGrimlock,2019/03/17,"The pain has gone away... and I am happy for it. I ain't got family. My friends are all settling down and moving past that part of their life. I found a best friend, and fell in love with her while she was married. 

We had a relationship during her marriage, and for a year or so afterwards. But now she feels the guilt of what she did is too much. She broke up with me. But wanted to stay friends. I love her, and I want to support her. I thought we had this plan of maybe, when the stars aligned, that we could be together again. But I'm realizing that she just needs me as a friend right now. So I'm trying my best. 

She has a history with exes killing themselves. So I dont want to be another of those stories. I want her to move on and slowly stop needing the comfort I provide her. So tonight i wrote myself a letter. 

I'm gonna stick around and be her friend while she needs it. I'm gonna slowly sell all my stuff and just wait until that moment comes that our connection isnt there anymore. Then I'll say I'm gonna move away or whatever and just kill myself. 

I know itll be tough for my friends and her, but I am hoping to disappear first. Slowly push them away so that lost isnt as hurtful when it comes. I hope they never find out and I am just someone they...she lost touch with. 

It's so fucking comforting. I can breathe. I can cry and not feel helpless. 

I write this because I need it for myself. I want to put it out in the universe because... otherwise I'm afraid I'll back down when the time comes. 

My life has been mediocre. My life has been one fight and struggle after another. My life has been lonely, and I just ain't got in me to do this for another 30 years.",0.993457792207792,2.9726377613636394,2.4118311688311707,95.6838181818182,81.89772727272728,5.613766233766234,21.42077922077922,6.742157984588678,0.2630883766233758,1300,40,300,14,35,420,168,352,0.1,0.754,0.146,0.9119,0,2,0,0,1,1,46.0,4,0,3,7,22,31,4,3,12,0,31,9,1,0,3,65,70,35,2,12,12,0,3,0,6,4,5,1,0,0,19,27,0,2,7,0,1,11,7,15,0,2,15,4,55,16,37,46,6,48,0,6,0,3,37,14,1,4,22,206,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664942751899664,0.0,0.0,0.08401485794605591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754146172060388,0.0,0.0,0.23877856414833804,0.06514087067231022,0.0,0.103283375285512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780705483872006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892430395678766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763830914773697,0.0,0.09305582788992396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992857527019827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986208722142721,0.0,0.08566924707308955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742829002760843,0.07205882866408579,0.0,0.09288600251990856,0.3927051895965869,0.07831797080673117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355091996106208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018105938209413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828290369423382,0.0,0.0,0.09068952829745357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874499538973785,0.0,0.046557337780902285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393478123014496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495361140345692,0.0,0.15291781164564658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510794995926946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701170127813137,0.06227552560153012,0.25126141777359823,0.06533769613143389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740530981124425,0.0,0.09014309931035283,0.0,0.0,0.09173846252789666,0.08087038196442671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516231965039157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095257604580426,0.0,0.07234644123509901,0.0,0.06736904208649971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177903639275825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902952853880202,0.0,0.07082582121481543,0.0,0.08856287163313659,0.09697880136175616,0.0,0.0961339688952644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725452065248386,0.04939819857848544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057516157981796386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498365251102813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910780857523188
suicidewatch,fuzzypuggjes,2019/03/17,"I wish I had it in me to end it all I've been in a depressive haze for months. It's consuming me. I've always struggled with depression, but this month is making me struggle so much. I don't want to go to work or see my boyfriend or exist. I just dont want to live like THIS anymore. I want to live, live. I just want to pause and quit my job and leave my boyfriend and ditch my responsibilities. And I can't. I can't lose my job because I lose my house. I can't leave my boyfriend because I love him and it'll kill me. I can't ditch my responsibilities because people are depending on me.

Pausing isn't an option. The only options I have are to stop or continue. And I wish I had it in me to face the permanence of stopping. I just want to stop playing this game and I want to end it so badly, but I don't have the guts, and it's killing me that I want to end it and killing me that I don't have it in me to end it ",0.916470588235292,2.1401310392156887,3.1458823529411752,93.8814705882353,79.29411764705883,6.368627450980393,23.27450980392157,7.048011613610866,0.4832627450980387,708,23,179,8,17,243,83,204,0.275,0.649,0.076,-0.9894,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,5,13,3,2,5,0,19,3,2,2,1,35,32,16,3,9,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,10,0,3,0,2,0,1,9,10,0,0,3,1,38,3,20,28,2,16,0,4,1,1,3,5,0,6,11,117,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462915940205036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086695349779144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492188724496916,0.1860006610742787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752018111116195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192009561834205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603322094328449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780297003430757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173573150517168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018588868362504,0.0,0.33757432158732176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538806041326966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968936534593445,0.0,0.26942994123518776,0.0,0.0,0.2275703531967228,0.0,0.0,0.0917953929419788,0.0,0.06789084427274039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236462559123774,0.0,0.07476704357380809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735347668679922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051148409524227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817892091412083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104806543759198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255097193147836,0.0,0.21265445834321794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199298753458669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339182387891326,0.0,0.0,0.07404459661556888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PopstAhri99,2019/03/17,"I want my boyfriend to break up with me so I can go through with it; he won't and I don't have the heart to break up with him. My depression comes and goes in waves as well, so i can't even tell if it's ""real"". It's happened for so long now, I'm just tired of it. It's all due mostly because of my parents. Everyone said that once I go to college things will get better, but they seem to have just gotten worse. I've made a couple of posts to another subreddit about my experiences, and I just don't know what to do.",1.3883333333333319,2.4428366052631643,3.220175438596492,94.53622807017548,77.6842105263158,6.821052631578947,22.3157894736842,7.3871296695380915,0.4746210526315786,399,11,100,5,9,134,74,114,0.08,0.875,0.044,-0.7003,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,1,1,1,19,21,9,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,3,1,13,2,19,16,2,12,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,3,3,67,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389047480713286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243441167568458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804034465193821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571042862650352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256996309002401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568739539189732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472665171944326,0.0,0.0,0.19491132105101666,0.0,0.19953126301796684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657096136350958,0.0,0.2318527003073859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803785531635951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417168972860393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210189498383846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051559372344345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301050073653445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172316969566823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264952899895661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953561436920234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321735272598851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403138203110412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569543539981545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828722692994425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355150324913707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344446300686771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031249738909408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340222501707149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787271554314798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,druggiefromthenorth,2019/03/17,"How much meth for me to die I’ve been smoking a lot but all it’s doing is making me warm , flushed and it raises my heart rate to 140 and my chest hurt. ",-1.3101428571428568,0.4732944857142876,0.9710714285714308,103.68517857142858,89.85714285714286,3.5,14.464285714285715,3.1291,-1.5671428571428572,117,2,31,0,4,39,30,35,0.184,0.755,0.061,-0.6908,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,2,1,7,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492819994859143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129887505568628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634285536163138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680362186049127,0.0,0.0,0.28896420515715965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182314132294719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigfckincheesegrater,2019/03/17,"Can’t do this anymore I’m so fucking fed up. I have been suicidal since I was 13 and I have 0 to live for. Not a thing. Every time I tell someone they just say “oh you have so much to live for” they can never give me an example though. I don’t understand this whole thing of trying to keep someone alive who doesn’t want to be here, whose life is completely miserable and meaningless. Why why does everyone insist that I need to stay alive I don’t fuckin get it. Why can’t they just let me go. Sorry for the bad wording but it’s a lil hard to type right now yaknow I just want to fucking leave.",-0.4865169059749874,1.7209842204724417,1.5392774432607688,97.33266790180643,92.62204724409449,5.192959703566466,17.706808707735068,6.794906146795322,-0.012531820287170259,464,13,108,7,17,153,83,127,0.117,0.83,0.053,-0.7662,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,3,0,8,5,3,1,4,0,15,5,0,0,1,14,27,6,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,2,14,0,12,22,2,7,0,1,0,3,9,2,3,0,3,69,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512119012758084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273082965723038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986467588782172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342984624466506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846478634932262,0.14569415413283052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819170218047135,0.07966066818107025,0.1462656623360831,0.08665372250454267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365855485187065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552469979263093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144652434611456,0.0,0.15591361815850052,0.10769594405416286,0.0,0.0,0.2692722922755478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208494377511144,0.11305654031813013,0.11759630973081894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021081267222956,0.0,0.12125237356909445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612695427382778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583791684005091,0.0,0.0,0.17068065205333866,0.0,0.1625155610990976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678033520562338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326781933537538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259211137300245,0.0,0.14980360754925642,0.0,0.08890803018971694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351892290398716,0.0,0.0,0.1587294091399254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986464248656334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127485615233165,0.17023027210157893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amiemdean,2019/03/17,"Very low. I'm depressed. I'm lonely. Fair enough, who the fuck isn't? But I think I've reached my lowest, and I'm not even scared.
I've always been unable to commit suicide because I never felt prepared. My room/house has been a disaster, and I didn't want my family walking into that. My finances are a mess, and I didn't want them to be surprised when people come forward asking for money. But most of all, none of my family members know exactly how they fucked me up, and I didn't want to die with them all thinking I love them. I love some of them. Others have brought me a life time of agony.
But now, I'm almost finished with my preparations.
My room and house are in order. I went about it in an almost mechanical way, really. It was a lot of work. Typically I can't even bring myself to run a vacuum, but in 2 days I had everything done.
Today I organized my finances. A nice folder of all my creditors, how much I owe, and what for. Expected 401k money, and who my beneficiaries are after my death. Details on my life insurance policy. It's all there.
I just have to write the letters. I think. I havent decided completely. They've fucked me up over the years, but am I any better if I try to do the same to them? Maybe my words will be inconsequential, but I'm not sure if I want to be responsible for returning the harm to them that they have to me.
My last decision to make before I am ready to go.",1.7246807151979553,3.6460245689655184,3.898199233716476,86.2448722860792,79.17241379310343,7.330779054916985,22.120051085568328,8.285830014693849,1.237403575989783,1095,33,233,22,27,376,155,290,0.158,0.733,0.11,-0.9023,2,2,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,8,2,9,15,3,1,12,0,25,7,0,3,8,53,52,18,3,7,11,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,9,11,0,0,7,0,5,8,10,9,0,0,11,1,46,6,33,37,11,31,0,3,0,5,15,11,3,7,12,162,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542095239147753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561817335223556,0.0,0.0,0.0863185875518422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866493825595667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737699473710251,0.0,0.10801037721850183,0.0,0.0,0.1122616565702282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093412801964228,0.13308651917213304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186108952351083,0.0,0.1093269470496734,0.0,0.13173610074704695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989622045267407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115540859317215,0.0,0.1676757001930108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407892456460195,0.0,0.23932170247318474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187529607344046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520417026369035,0.0,0.0,0.07213877760919442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929265830563087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975889140895869,0.10346709059624136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931263731060645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791364093859944,0.2291234319987256,0.0,0.08472856176395152,0.0,0.12752095635681146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331013831411507,0.0,0.09789832208176373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799915068415849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813163368286186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708177458677342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388437699298451,0.0,0.11963256596117545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440000432591824,0.0,0.0,0.07401547714457743,0.0,0.12031735613776112,0.0,0.0,0.08617897006470307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473276956524577,0.299472776681123,0.10075326767993416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766788300858935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240851612369952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174049605335433
suicidewatch,goodbyeruby2sday,2019/03/17,"I just feel empty There's nothing there; I'm just constantly sad, empty, lonely, depressed. Nothing makes me happy, going to the gym feels like a chore but I refuse to give up the one good thing I do for myself. I've been fluctuating in and out of being horribly suicidal and depressed for 3-4 years and it feels like the worst I've ever been.

I don't know what I hope to get from this other than to scream my feelings into the void. I don't see a point to living, I broke it off with my girlfriend fairly quickly and I can't bring myself to properly tell anyone just how horrible I feel. Maybe if my friend messages back I will, but he probably won't. 

I just want it to end.",2.7643506493506496,4.133917071428569,4.29220779220779,86.95824675324678,74.71428571428572,7.090909090909091,23.441558441558442,7.686295010490155,1.0174999999999996,530,15,111,7,11,177,90,140,0.314,0.605,0.081,-0.9889,0,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,2,1,26,24,8,1,3,7,0,5,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,4,7,0,1,2,7,17,6,18,19,1,14,0,5,1,0,7,6,0,2,8,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049113593075884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250452684938688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621822495925267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29684035434429223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262562077849098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587458013812802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356544106566656,0.24621289821707135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331350932262802,0.0,0.09003082396261378,0.16530639772720626,0.09793422795272932,0.14453502223804526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183439344314448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115404123945666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470333985953082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837507241330066,0.0,0.1521629613297051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502587868691776,0.0,0.1731200170351415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306940791742225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676944653450425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289943082248648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579162450808184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731785254255638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884916526835171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061650694659534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448268720128113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163963179418996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096933769554304
suicidewatch,Person37125672823745,2019/03/17,"Nothing left anymore Had to block my only friend cause she's no longer interested in me, suicide hotline wont answer, doctors don't think I'm worthy of a CMHT despite being diagnosed with disorders that need a CMHT, 11 years of almost straight isolation, no education, no future, no goals, no ambition, no friends, was happier when I had never experienced a hug or someone who cared about me as now I know how it feels and have lost it, in one month I have a phone appointment with talk therapy and if they don't redirect me to proper help then I have no choice but to jump in front of a train.",12.196025641025644,6.90808960683761,11.651688034188034,63.6231730769231,58.91452991452992,15.460683760683766,46.344017094017104,12.602617957971056,5.508591452991453,472,20,91,11,4,157,86,117,0.191,0.698,0.111,-0.6691,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,5,0,10,3,0,2,1,17,17,9,1,2,3,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,11,1,0,1,4,2,10,5,13,11,0,14,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,3,7,60,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509602159477206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302868430009625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21900785325321456,0.2206637442992659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802239386176028,0.0,0.0,0.2461849596971959,0.2198618586927372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861178269609208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331915377441513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397915825437196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805112398510435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23338609024071175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344848605179328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145517618580824,0.0,0.0,0.15927506917304507,0.16567073708576413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061110400099962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555732069178434,0.16336876244594636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820034462582324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349616338146465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265199600054135,0.0,0.0,0.24564805819897434,0.0,0.0,0.13763826984336405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383272761263983
suicidewatch,throwaway165240,2019/03/17,"Not sure how much more I can take I don't know where else to turn to. These past few months I've felt the worst I've ever felt. And I think I might try and end it tonight.

For some back story, years ago I started hanging out with a friend from highschool and moved near him. Anytime I wanted to go and hang, my friend wouldn't ever really want to for whatever reason. Eventually his girlfriend started hanging out with me instead and we would just go shopping or look at things. This has been going on for about two years and over that time, I started to grow feelings for her. But I'm not the type of person to do that to a friend so I kept my distance.

Fast forward to now, we all live together and recently she goes on a month long ""break"" with my friend and it's just me and her living together while he stays elsewhere. I know it's awful of me to think but I figured, ""hey, maybe she might notice me?"". But that never happened, it's like I was invisible. And just recently they seem to be back together.

All of that added on to my already crippling depression and how I look at myself and feel about myself just makes me feel worthless. I've talked to a few friends about it but I feel like it hasn't helped. I feel like a burden by feeling this way all the time but I don't know how to fix it. ",2.5167299864314785,4.061167850746268,3.4265807327001383,92.19284260515605,75.71641791044777,6.365264586160108,23.74898236092266,6.980632752743323,0.6509417910447755,1016,31,224,10,22,324,138,268,0.106,0.8390000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,1,0,18,13,0,0,8,1,13,0,0,5,7,66,43,23,0,4,12,0,8,3,6,4,0,0,0,1,15,19,0,1,16,1,1,9,7,4,0,1,5,10,35,9,37,33,9,46,0,2,2,0,20,11,0,5,28,155,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174418724401633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421193811790703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916620130729728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891421461573856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645878478281005,0.0,0.09166796357490982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872386203767689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31398832602515714,0.14787710523511374,0.19874744056681728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998091150803947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764598472048842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152239586624618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937211562226459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063836853312633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169078356089866,0.0,0.18278017446186892,0.091591928968426,0.17382347405553947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908530824551004,0.0,0.10397703435845128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195887401363193,0.0,0.0,0.16522125077830785,0.11000134116811304,0.07608248663326743,0.0,0.07982356382466514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783245894803618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879996508105826,0.0,0.09036992461640883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630307511712018,0.10641254938012973,0.20438236359916734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942201323335979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197679456821582,0.11031444178469238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754506064500984,0.0,0.07781715321023489,0.08318727775726957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875906382425519,0.1326338907017796,0.0,0.0,0.12070031514797093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026793075736648,0.11257543500056044,0.10110190651503713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209087855045207,0.08215140691048607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352157291222917,0.0,0.0,0.1332978454589907
suicidewatch,Yung_Meezy,2019/03/17,"No one listens, I'm a burden I have it all planned, I have all the pills and enough sedatives too keep me asleep. She won't take me back. Friends went listen, I don't want Mom to cry",1.8394166666666685,2.7066247750000048,2.59,100.24166666666667,76.25,5.333333333333334,23.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.2916666666666665,141,4,36,0,3,44,33,40,0.233,0.691,0.077,-0.6511,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,2,5,11,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,6,1,1,9,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743431532899889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919080139987148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686509354489917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756487054270279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31712402451031074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178584893058057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417645565167413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682554840965128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104391279955769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33074026918686456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemiQueen,2019/03/17,"Suicidal After Denied SSI Disability Hi, I have crippling rheumatoid arthritis at a young age, and also many mental illnesses that make me pretty disabled, to the point where I call into work sick 8/10 times because I can’t move from the pain, or depression.
I was denied Disability the first time, to my case managers surprise, but she assured me, “you’re disabled enough to get this help.”
Well, apparently I wasn’t, and I cannot get a job that won’t fire me for having problems. They chalk a lot of it up to behavior, which is somewhat true, but I know it’s because mobility wise, I’m a piece of shit.
I’ve been counting on getting that income for the entire year it’s taken them to deny me twice. I quit my last job before they could fire me. The last day I went, I sobbed through my shift because of how much pain I was in.
I want to die
So much
I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live
I can’t work 
But I’m not disabled enough for Disability, apparently 
I’m useless, I don’t contribute to society, and if I’m honest, my entire 18 years of existence has been a roller coaster that only goes down. 
Tell me why I shouldn’t kill myself. I already wanted to, and have tried to, because of the intense pain and crippling depression, but haven’t been successful. But now I know a way that’s almost sure to work.
Should I consider living? Or end my miserable existence now?",4.757725252525255,5.418496338181821,5.815606060606061,80.57896464646466,69.25454545454545,8.72929292929293,30.550505050505052,8.841846274778883,2.3822080808080823,1083,42,214,18,18,360,150,275,0.233,0.652,0.115,-0.9906,5,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,3,6,9,19,2,1,12,0,21,6,1,3,3,34,37,17,3,7,10,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,1,0,2,10,11,1,2,8,2,35,8,28,25,7,25,0,5,0,0,8,8,2,6,14,138,45,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492714284261245,0.0,0.1266532750863215,0.09178277843642596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798547210957956,0.0,0.09766214782131316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171945992930521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163575497801517,0.0,0.0,0.07401816410367458,0.0,0.1977051601628723,0.0,0.1191147635614188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165353988888873,0.2371794124129209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762463388968186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989021584119572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692896021216547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22778613587980906,0.0,0.12697773098128312,0.0,0.18922635046956326,0.18710828638269766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269078782768105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757467962510086,0.0,0.0,0.07661091032890915,0.116360352004078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566274216811233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198400931123812,0.16874061096602258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728894638980357,0.3663751089631764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849622563058263,0.0,0.0,0.11676394192817795,0.0,0.10982088671485644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207368605309195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781136135437895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554146307188507,0.0,0.108170841006395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003154058848454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384844412376565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792235829823439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539048440468268,0.09110032549680364,0.0,0.0,0.10319341973948903,0.1063943898738402,0.1035634851286432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506651970124317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781824884105116
suicidewatch,badgerman3222,2019/03/17,"Worried about partner Tonight my partner got very drunk and then started saying they wanted to die, and that they wanted to kill themselves. They even tried to go downstairs to the kitchen and I had to block he stairway (or at least I felt like I had to). THis is very out of character, I mean they have ups and downs like everyone but not quite like this. They really frightened me and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be so appreciated, I'm just a random person who's scared for a loved one.

(Sorry if this comes off as really ambiguous, I feel weird sharing something like this to strangers but didn't know where else to go, honestly)",4.671666666666667,5.931881246031747,4.76047619047619,85.86785714285716,69.87301587301587,7.822222222222222,28.285714285714285,8.167268648758528,1.746514285714286,511,18,102,7,9,159,87,126,0.147,0.682,0.172,0.767,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,1,5,10,1,1,3,0,9,3,0,0,0,24,23,12,2,4,6,0,2,4,2,1,0,1,1,3,7,7,2,1,5,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,5,3,13,7,18,16,1,12,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,4,7,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762698504525683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266778813150317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538545490108482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721084941298066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068827834683815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119142399391814,0.0,0.0,0.17236532016697456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120792908935997,0.0,0.17319760924287678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050335747793739,0.0,0.14427013066306968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995689548699954,0.0,0.1982694377732564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525074299589949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162804243034574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649183026116646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223334756636102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575049705936614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918613425714351,0.0,0.0,0.2311181278709432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434491611254913,0.1805965626004161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886896219103986,0.0,0.2019259139983048,0.12767722583601152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246937700340695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976725535444869,0.21279115056771428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831894286036765,0.0,0.12814012215561546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alittleranting,2019/03/17,💀 Someone please kill me. I tried and failed so many times I don't have the strength to do it myself.,0.9831818181818156,2.623453681818184,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,80.36363636363637,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.8294363636363635,79,2,20,0,2,24,20,22,0.395,0.52,0.085,-0.8529,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959815209640251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545094948609449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921027389513373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37984619257791374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26140943920693915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30436872266648746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nabella-Forester,2019/03/17,"Is self harm really any different than getting a tattoo? Tattoos are imbedded into your skin, and the scars of self harm are mostly permanent. What makes self harm so much worse than getting a tattoo if I make sure not to loose too much blood? And if it’s where no one can actually see it, without the morals of this day and age, how would it be bad? ",5.823571428571429,5.60790892857143,6.069285714285716,82.71821428571431,66.85714285714286,9.285714285714286,28.92857142857143,8.841846274778883,1.976285714285713,275,8,57,4,4,88,53,70,0.244,0.7040000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9506,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,6,2,2,3,1,14,11,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,2,1,7,9,3,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,2,39,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.20210039594047305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083556898818214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292042309634295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356281014343488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163761388468108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640312244983448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764826335558309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044856686039208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033678536197253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267400324889536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650324341730729,0.0,0.6481535507655917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518994662116426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963767192372875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105329322414426,0.147118386080743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wannadead,2019/03/17,"Good night I have PTSD, or major depressive disorder, or bipolar disorder, depending on what doctor you talk to. I’ve been trying to become an alcoholic for about a year. I don’t really know why but at first I was actually trying to develop a physical addiction. I know why. I know what’s wrong with me. I’m just out of energy for dealing with it. I think it’s time to end it. I don’t want to leave a note for family because I feel like there’s nothing I could say that would help them anyway. I wanted to tell someone. Maybe I want the attention. Maybe I want someone who isn’t my wife or kid to pay attention to me for non selfish reasons. Actually I can almost guarantee it’s that last one. I’m probably going to shoot myself in the brain stem tomorrow morning. I hope it works. I hope it’s not the alcohol talking. 

Night, y’all.  ",1.1910371517027871,3.5471023823529437,3.864179566563468,83.29459752321982,84.0,8.049535603715169,24.24148606811145,8.841846274778883,2.247470588235294,655,26,131,19,19,230,106,170,0.118,0.7290000000000001,0.152,0.6918,0,0,2,1,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,2,4,7,0,0,7,0,9,6,1,2,0,27,23,4,0,8,6,1,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,11,3,2,0,8,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,2,2,22,4,21,19,1,13,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,7,9,80,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.23440236820492205,0.13092774259234266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567027408959273,0.12026373407259296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321241293476538,0.13264204268080992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407235900348205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589082087692134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238187864729414,0.10344275607359472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27529214446814465,0.12292839221519107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637377721533496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322046924443507,0.0,0.06072663945370965,0.08580012926039361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215779074157713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682561269389941,0.10073496295669132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050112257734303,0.0,0.0,0.2385746476829526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801299266234804,0.0978982886015154,0.0,0.12716954495578775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058675248461405184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413150561443136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22541317617828274,0.0,0.1152400826449791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813834992307517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948911705054333,0.0,0.14039156156670238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693973189921055,0.1234837600753245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550908100402238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352225855977912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306515834336704,0.10497350754852397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695582726229484,0.0,0.0,0.07003181882009868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308129733150425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283354563763976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674481984118493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743490832286302,0.0,0.0,0.0853162556741587,0.13131151452830134,0.0,0.07734106204154745
suicidewatch,fenderdelux77,2019/03/17,"What Is The Quickest, Painless and Most Accessible Suicide Method? I thought about buying a rope somewhere but can\`t find a suitable one for hanging, and I can\`t buy one online because I know my parents will fucking kill me.

​

​",8.335,10.505098690476196,6.165238095238099,75.79642857142859,62.0952380952381,6.552380952380951,44.95238095238096,6.42735559955562,3.761038095238096,203,13,28,1,3,58,35,42,0.217,0.748,0.035,-0.8828,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,5,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334701685549141,0.4861226613460123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219379295416192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282604238707456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492678380570676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213062771015443,0.0,0.10993260741681783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710943403516065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221123719609821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218803042073694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880342752176346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861226613460123,0.0
suicidewatch,SKskdkdkdkdkdkdk,2019/03/17,I’m so lonely please help me I’m 18 almost 19 please can someone help me commit suicide?  And no bullshit like “your parents will miss you” or “tomorrow’s another day”,1.535,4.132263030303033,3.360833333333337,85.66125000000002,85.36363636363637,5.724242424242425,26.431818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.6571272727272732,132,6,24,2,4,44,28,33,0.3,0.382,0.318,-0.0281,1,2,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28298782068799544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29633570619876404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822566752547761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788479946473081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806639897275322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137991150390099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6204302704967024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394500755172205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091237123100454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justadudeqwq,2019/03/17,"I was molested by my father and was taken away from my family for a while. I cannot bare the pain anymore. I cannot find any reason for living. When I was eight, I woke up to feel my father touching me (I am a female, I know my username says I’m a dude). I was afraid, I didn’t know what to do. I was trying to decide wether I get up and confront him or move a little so that he would move his hand from me. I chose the second option, he immediately moved his hand and started patting my head and told me to hush. A year later, I told my mom about this, she didn’t believe me. She asked my dad and he said no. That nothing had happened. Years pass and I was 13 when I told my mom again. Still no one believed me. My brothers, my sisters, my aunts and uncles. No one. 

Later I told my school counselor. I didn’t know what was happening, but she was calling CPS. Cops came and some woman came to the school as well. Taking me away. I was put with two ladies and 9 children. I don’t know how long I was there for but I felt miserable and guilty.  Everything was my fault. My mom told me to tell them that nothing had happened. If I didn’t, I was never going to be with my family. So I lied. I was so ashamed that I had to. I cant stand it. I can’t stand that I still live with my dad and family. I can’t. I’m miserable. Please. I want help, I want to be loved, and I want to die.",-0.7287052078356417,1.2464528327759226,1.7122828475871934,98.00212709030106,89.23411371237458,4.621156235069279,16.569612995699956,6.025991092188313,-0.6119185666507407,1043,24,255,9,35,354,139,299,0.131,0.787,0.08199999999999999,-0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,1,0,12,10,2,4,8,0,31,5,3,2,1,38,61,24,1,5,4,10,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,9,17,0,0,9,0,0,8,14,8,1,5,31,8,63,2,25,27,1,28,0,2,0,1,34,5,0,4,13,174,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061521851834629535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972068963481851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845760682189548,0.0,0.16999673604682414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385460051636112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923787080554034,0.20694429611568696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389227860759504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130747841885344,0.0,0.25585765600353017,0.0,0.045743717931585735,0.0,0.08686418672952195,0.0,0.0826867978873717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726618755318509,0.0,0.05141547508453678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400036487046817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284703702419124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060639295661354724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988770346286036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906734537992256,0.1597711262054985,0.08006199625152613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081651578385718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178677173396942,0.0,0.2884618894957528,0.0,0.0,0.06977507668734517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361440983220847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260793176064726,0.0,0.09626512778415604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930751948397873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094608069015593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301694183691886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605649772646336,0.07194438059895121,0.0,0.18311840839018728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403424639986928,0.0,0.14449692012026166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802124050438944,0.0,0.07907367446619891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322338345814578,0.0,0.0614223422550487,0.0,0.08837482244990598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600824369179099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134227048735783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426640383274758,0.0,0.0,0.11651781683900506
suicidewatch,TortoiseOfTomorrow,2019/03/17,"Why is the whole world working against me? Ive given up on everything. The only damn thing keeping me going is my kitten because shes the most affectionate thing on this planet(and seemingly the only loving thing). It took 4 months to even remotely get me under a mental health system and by that point i'd been hospitalises for disordered eating and suicide prevention. Like my life was amazing before those 4 months, id be going out with friends every weekend and id travelled halfway across the world and loads of other stuff. 

Once i started to notice it i went to the doctor(only way to get under mental health) and he essentially said i wasnt depressed enough and the school should deal with it. As you can guess fuck all happened. 

Im gonna skip out this middle chunk of everyone doing absololutely nothing.

Fast forward 6 months later i finally get the courage to try and reintegrate into school and reach out to a couple friends... Except that wont happen because the school and the LA are finding every reason to stop it and ive given up on that as well.

And all throughout this my parents at first didnt believe me then when they did it didnt get better. They absolotely rip into me if im having one of the days im so mentally exhausted i cant do anything. Or take away my phone(and seemingly everything i enjoy) if i do the slightest thing wrong.


At this point ive had enough,i hate being this close to just ending it and honestly no one would care.

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suicidewatch,thisaccountisanonwoo,2019/03/17,"Need a friend or someone who will listen My suicidal thoughts have been getting worse and worse lately. I’ve tried to mention it to my mom, but she just gets mad and says I’ll be put in a psych ward and ruin my future. I have nobody who will just have a conversation with and let me vent about it without trying to guilt me or getting mad. I don’t know how much longer I can stand things.",6.488333333333332,4.950866197530863,6.438364197530865,84.9701388888889,66.03703703703704,9.087654320987657,30.12654320987655,7.1686216300943375,1.5243802469135803,306,8,68,2,4,97,57,81,0.232,0.7190000000000001,0.049,-0.954,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,3,0,10,0,0,1,0,15,17,8,1,1,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,9,1,7,11,1,5,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,2,2,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410476850765402,0.0,0.35320805472204586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384640791230984,0.0,0.25420449511788545,0.0,0.0,0.2304355337536828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26392707136730825,0.0,0.0,0.16565810061769226,0.1670940904345416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653888475786715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920727998173175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909382332487352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464962074297845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971245574926098,0.0,0.0,0.17890264340009182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30599557030016955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722925544744046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593015867699252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tuesday_paper,2019/03/17,"College freshman I’m a freshman in college. People say I’m smart but I don’t think I am because I slack off immensely in school and don’t take it seriously, and any smart person would realize these next 4 years determine a lot about ones future. Even though I understand they do I just have the thought that “I’m just gonna kill myself after this year so who cares what grades I get”. Laziness leads to bad grades. Bad grades lead to depression. Depression leads to laziness. It’s a cycle I can’t break and I hate myself for not being able to. Can anyone relate or provide helpful advice?

Thanks",2.6070512820512843,5.086048273504276,3.5424145299145318,87.0310576923077,79.08547008547009,6.293162393162394,24.27991452991453,7.492282038375204,1.2820376068376067,476,17,90,7,12,152,81,117,0.245,0.627,0.128,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,3,6,11,2,0,4,0,9,0,0,3,0,17,21,7,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,1,1,11,4,10,17,1,12,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,54,18,9,0.19877329820530695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423896649052472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517265900644365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898691181453646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319348024704371,0.12117035763890373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266262506618885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424063009577277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128788878898198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385084424693784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624747981470594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323355182571736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991320374991147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898994993374156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139765767524615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469393115730716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378043770832363,0.17356117694934778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580725049088632,0.0,0.20116918978369147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945278260820566,0.0,0.0,0.18300374695259888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736590337595666,0.1952937562595551,0.15780379558214608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693001354859333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120284796051286,0.0,0.0,0.2560069740112843
suicidewatch,JackDMoney,2019/03/17,Would you feel the effects of drowning if you were drunk enough? Obviously the effect of dying would still happen but would you feel the cold or the water in your lungs? ,3.9208333333333294,6.4147552500000025,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,74.625,5.516666666666668,20.041666666666664,6.42735559955562,0.17440416666666625,136,3,25,1,3,41,23,32,0.062,0.938,0.0,-0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,3,1,2,1,11,7,3,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34349826312438325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341984124288219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334700315965713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29267879352862314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643158831812483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7053422844084636,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Planet_head,2019/03/17,"Tired of being around No one’s gonna see this but I just want to put my thoughts down somewhere. I’m just tired of being around, I don’t have hope that i’ll make it in the job I want, I study wildlife conservation and maybe that’s a waste of time and I’ll end up in a warehouse job or the same waitressing job that gives me nightmares because my anxiety skyrockets every shift. I don’t fit in anywhere, i’m so different to all my family and I can’t confide in them or relate to them in any way. I don’t fit in with my friends either there just aren’t any common interests. I just don’t belong socially, no hope for a future. I’m in uni and on my own and since i started i’ve just been self destructing with skipping antibiotics, disappearing drunk on nights out, getting too drunk and embarrassing myself, smoking, i had sex with an older man for money, sleeping around, and i’d take any drug offered to me. I have little regard for my own safety because maybe i’ll die by accident and I won’t have to end it myself, that’s the ideal situation. I don’t feel this “immense depression that I cannot cope with” I just feel like i’m not meant to be around and I don’t belong here. I want to see what happens afterwards. Sorry for typing a wall of negativity but maybe someone out there sees this?? Thanks for reading this far if you do ",2.3855666666666693,4.195661221818185,3.9827499999999993,86.91679166666668,76.7818181818182,7.056060606060608,24.549242424242426,7.9370924344782425,1.295124242424242,1056,36,222,17,24,352,142,275,0.173,0.687,0.14,-0.8956,5,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,2,1,15,10,1,1,8,0,19,7,1,1,1,46,43,15,1,7,13,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,12,19,2,1,4,3,1,2,14,3,0,1,4,5,30,7,38,34,5,34,0,1,3,1,9,22,0,5,10,142,42,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307956042308724,0.0,0.08365031747706657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893688046488635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331409037437753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418059300994196,0.0,0.1134851418062296,0.11424456261718426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268080498616424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369834677877515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212974176892852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030828193200734,0.0,0.11057847126931376,0.07811766972183626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448138433322201,0.0,0.05712940485267076,0.10489580906663523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669537797704876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172129073971379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255307044934537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342152418260476,0.10959463243480548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299011275036138,0.0,0.3295619135533697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026149505801129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409650041925835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992414942849482,0.0,0.0,0.10937680237705158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614067109280501,0.0,0.11407298930253765,0.0,0.0,0.09045314328980304,0.1229108471593689,0.10942618071708077,0.11146571167328016,0.09264953743230556,0.0,0.0,0.12240525085113603,0.07739651908454571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221549459607913,0.0,0.0,0.10067222105918516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680947170409108,0.0637612383543727,0.2513570679172675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348745523837213,0.08679472677010022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ezzzbruh,2019/03/17,"I'll probably end up committing suicide before I can move out again I recently move out after trying to for a little under one year, except the landlord was a scammer and the house was being foreclosed, and was basically just out to get our (the other housemates) money so I moved back in with my parents that dont except me for who I really am but fortunately they allowed me back in before I became homeless. I just moved back in last and I already feel hopeless and like I'm at the same place that I started except I feel like it'll take double the time to get out. So I've come to the conclusion that it's more likely that I'll kill myself before I ever get out again",8.414111922141117,5.9077832700729935,8.990912408759122,71.27084549878349,63.01459854014599,11.17712895377129,35.242092457420924,9.2995712137729,3.1301055961070565,536,17,101,7,6,182,81,137,0.1,0.8420000000000001,0.058,-0.8248,2,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,1,0,1,1,10,5,1,0,8,0,8,0,0,1,2,24,17,7,2,0,6,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,0,3,0,1,5,1,2,0,1,3,2,16,3,22,12,3,31,0,1,0,0,4,13,0,0,16,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014239137247792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138585311276316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34732370901116993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720114296371464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945790603927576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205062053073089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307143493016327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375891140316995,0.09719921829151787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132526551129456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699162419253462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505270208574339,0.0,0.0,0.1109046945053642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994118773248224,0.13636495609176655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784286542834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219581106982032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107530651525095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421507095640186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669256402136488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716166118428434,0.0,0.13433997063187486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963019145385428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882438270282167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229800549152324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933598822664027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237383879971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761631057057584
suicidewatch,sam_sub00,2019/03/17,"no point in living anymore without him i broke up with my boyfriend last fall. i miss him so terribly and while i understand my reasons for breaking up with him, the loneliness i feel is so much worse than any annoying qualities i put up with while we were together. it's been nearly five months and i can't stop thinking about him. no one else brings me joy, nothing else does. my job is horrible, my friends are boring and don't understand me. i wish i could just explode and die right now",4.435684830633285,5.704669505154643,4.7771723122238585,85.4937113402062,70.44329896907217,8.841826215022092,31.382916053019148,9.23628265651192,2.6476874815905744,390,17,79,8,7,123,69,97,0.272,0.629,0.099,-0.9559,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,18,15,8,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,5,0,2,2,1,19,2,12,12,1,17,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360559163779786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841780249303748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974132425547616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764329463148945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508447850649358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342692015595853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116248578548898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457523953163327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854072791351096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630854978666123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666736564645272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159695673831983,0.0,0.14707604394080376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197461488673095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557406038218273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913284190334065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112776160485774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570748251071946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708605149017443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672692681838684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819814914123126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165643085872757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300730878354404,0.19286240395299845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038906039184655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silenthill-2,2019/03/17,"Lost I don't know if I'm going to necessarily commit suicide.. but the thoughts of suicide are there and I'm struggling to push them away. 

Maybe my reasons sound pathetic to some people but; I suffer with PTSD from my job, I have pretty much constant anxiety, depressed nearly all the time, I just can't find good in my life, I've really tried to reconnect with people and create new relationships with no avail. I just feel lost, like I'm really trying with people, but they don't really care, I've tried dating and that's literally lead down the same path also, it's frustrating cause I know I'm not ""ugly"" but I know I'm nothing special either, it's like what's a matter with me? What am I doing wrong.. like my life just seems to have no purpose, work-sleep-repeat I've tried taking up hobbies but nothing really interests me anymore, I've tried gaming, tried going out, tried new things, just can't seem to get my happiness on track, I've had counselling, I'm on anti depressants.. just nothing seems to work, and it's like I'm actively trying to get better, but without support around me I just feel lost & alone

I don't know it all sounds pathetic really doesn't it? I mean I know people on here are going  through much worse.. I think I  just needed to vent.. But I do keep having really awful thoughts of OD or just getting in my car and driving off a bridge.. and that scares me the most",3.2278136645962765,4.9522248,4.582111801242238,83.89419254658384,74.21428571428571,7.440993788819876,23.959627329192553,8.18289091462,1.4104425465838517,1104,33,216,18,23,366,138,280,0.243,0.648,0.109,-0.9924,1,1,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,0,2,6,13,21,1,2,6,1,15,2,0,3,3,60,50,16,3,2,20,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,10,13,0,1,16,1,0,7,10,10,0,0,6,4,27,11,31,44,8,24,0,6,0,0,4,12,0,7,9,126,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520379161179098,0.0,0.0657888824879448,0.0,0.0891362497104207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629340224692057,0.0,0.08158674866130987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323506305668674,0.0,0.0,0.07729254552961469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275846763870228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387667950411776,0.08451086060995602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889013907214825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171287654170078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319332436940623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519053881890249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894332109269166,0.0,0.14026267943651752,0.06900164840328735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087574741012378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163729395139094,0.07312268099329701,0.0,0.0,0.2260589322372651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621521646451505,0.16076598414197255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694124142410184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264824927591546,0.08961286992296426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095140738713896,0.0609999309685832,0.0,0.1589079439021171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368121880797226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281342910090149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836951047375728,0.0,0.0,0.0961657093593103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31621404364053746,0.08458416766278715,0.0,0.08832396011086828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236360896702398,0.0,0.0,0.22467833494091188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232640262072108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600332042810734,0.0,0.1799734700147856,0.09335560577996932,0.0,0.0,0.0618545385155895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546545329167077,0.05271336564267096,0.0,0.13062160210600385,0.04797054366659877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468310905900003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930244302590463,0.0,0.11978269758954838,0.0,0.08383709146704336,0.0,0.08994603949653956,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hehexatrad,2019/03/17,"I've been on this subreddit for 4 years now 4 fuckin years.

​

4 years on this subreddit, 4 years of help, a few months longer than that of medication, 4 or 5 full fledged attempts, 2 hospitalisations, 1 fight with the police. And none of it has gotten a single bit better. I want to end my miserable life just as much as I did when I first posted here. I'm just as lonely, sad, angry, frustrated, suicidal, maybe even a little bit more so.

​

I really hope this is finally it. I really fucking do. 

​

Nothing good happened in this time. I created some things. I'd destroy them in a second if it meant getting these years back. I dont mean these 4 years. All these miserable 18 years I call my existence. 18 years of abuse, invalidation, confusion, anger, frustration, sadness, with no glimmer of hope to ever come. Anyone who's thinking about saying otherwise should probably either know to read the sideline or just know better by now, but I ceased to be surprised by the stupidity of people a long time ago. Even my fellow creative patrons. 98% of them are people I'd gladly strangle to death. 

​

Nothing I say or do will ever make anyone understand my pain. Even when I kill myself no one will give a shit. Some will be sad but they wont care. They'll still judge. They wont have a clue how I felt. Fuck them. And those who do understand my pain. Fuck them too. Because the only people who can understand my pain are the people who are just as much of monsters as I am. None of us deserve to live. 

​

""Work till you can afford to kill yourself by carpet bombing your city.""

​

Overwhelming feeling of ennui and anhedonia keep overtaking me day after day after miserable day. No matter what kind of sins I spend my money into. Sorry. My MOM'S money. Because the moment I'm out I'll be broke on top of everything else. I'd love to die before that happens. Drugs dont make me feel shit, other than weed that just got... boring and tedious. Hookers remind me far too much of the love and affection I'll never recieve. Medication and therapy is a fucking joke, the entire mental health system is. 

​

Why the actual buttfuck cant people grasp that? 

​

I only know my art and I absolutely cannot make a career in it because the skills and theory and studies just cannot fucking sit right with me. I cant keep spending my mom's money on bullshit diploma forever. And getting into an actual college, tried and failed numerous times. Just as expected. I'm too lazy. Too fucking stupid. I dont deserve to be on this earth and the world would be an infinitesimally better place without me and anyone who denies that, this stands true for them too. 

​

I really dont wanna end up in a hospital tonight. Dont you ever wish that a failed attempt results in those close to you actually understanding a little bit of what you're going through on a daily fucking basis? Thats a fucking fantasy if I ever had one, right up there with having a girlfriend. Oof.

​

I dont belong anywhere. My beliefs and thoughts just arent confident enough. Never have been, never will be. If you saw and experienced the shit I did, would yours be? If you're not a complete waste of biological matter then I think so yeah. 

​

""Suffering breeds greatness"" no suffering breeds laziness and angriness and resentment get the fuck out.

​

I'll never be loved. I've seen too much. Hurt too much. No one fucking cares. Its cheesy and too many people say it too many times and I would very very gladly put thirty .223s in a very large majority of those people, but no one fucking cares about me. I really hope this is it. But I'm just a stupid, lazy, underqualified, over privledged failure. ",3.3504567404426524,5.886418142253523,4.47022132796781,81.07887323943666,76.73239436619718,7.099396378269618,26.340040241448694,8.146662555663855,1.9753927565392355,2971,115,525,54,70,969,319,710,0.257,0.649,0.094,-0.9993,2,2,1,0,2,1,146.0,1,6,8,12,38,66,26,5,33,1,52,26,3,6,10,103,110,43,5,15,23,2,3,0,2,11,8,3,1,0,36,29,0,2,17,4,5,3,27,46,0,6,12,9,58,20,70,79,20,78,2,14,2,15,34,29,15,13,42,348,94,7,0.0,0.03621452212763825,0.08948108086201345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027094024687446733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974059235762589,0.44567778642669614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411526743442286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023502595189802026,0.0,0.05589641343718554,0.0,0.026008560300661718,0.0,0.0,0.0810967651317158,0.10010717780591033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03121027819500857,0.0,0.09348915113978287,0.0,0.0,0.02632903756633743,0.0320468166877272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059135681347811976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03172164016354078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493168541832766,0.0,0.03544569151104982,0.0,0.02553313206777448,0.0,0.05414302840877937,0.03158181131293302,0.0,0.060563674598646415,0.11059115471672597,0.0,0.0,0.027469847481144127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030909160614425488,0.0,0.0293471893045486,0.033482459013658934,0.0,0.025998569906484317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108253082060411,0.04790684651708781,0.029320729188996125,0.01737079154597533,0.025636468422478874,0.024445619394340444,0.033698015894136985,0.0,0.0,0.05405704988064138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032489161368152386,0.0,0.0,0.020487072475674842,0.0,0.0,0.09107381254050137,0.0,0.0,0.03272046028140009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433514548218665,0.0676312787859287,0.0318287397714505,0.05039316722448479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021588960525196283,0.0,0.061268311227709565,0.02698945136477129,0.02704905955557696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275830643630923,0.0,0.061207116332020174,0.061976216972853264,0.03070664660576755,0.033294240981036186,0.0,0.06158203555632516,0.030802326913014537,0.0,0.0,0.0715947075988861,0.024396688127891527,0.0,0.11234394423492644,0.0,0.09429443647053568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058655875835324764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284652902635177,0.046492113401278026,0.09756993192044827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483294377022813,0.0,0.031933915297663096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029272817136058508,0.0,0.032954235181960896,0.0,0.0,0.030726262997563505,0.0,0.0,0.030573267231473668,0.0,0.07832287616430125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220467900482333,0.0,0.0729195346090199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412358721092114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03421501052761195,0.0,0.0,0.02440924521574055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033433144625412935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034953736588318754,0.0,0.020306025141245125,0.039169630436728366,0.0,0.024265192608968398,0.07129077964805919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020751625883524902,0.0,0.0,0.12727695469705558,0.0367659267104417,0.0,0.0,0.07565796795198303,0.0180280264991598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02758015472732804,0.0,0.035148236867378974,0.029463565342334307,0.0,0.022251681049459505,0.0,0.0,0.06513748842460118,0.0,0.44567778642669614,0.15746284202370128
suicidewatch,shaphrieds,2019/03/17,I’ve tried to take my own life 73 times. Every time was a failure Im gonna make sure the 74th time is successful ,1.1926923076923082,2.050433653846156,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,77.84615384615384,6.7384615384615385,20.69230769230769,7.1686216300943375,0.1478307692307692,89,2,23,1,2,30,24,26,0.116,0.669,0.215,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017599862739737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868675157155896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529745895593294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907041308036225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375556762297157,0.0,0.26928705154786337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6265270055423985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431628903321523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bubblesboo12,2019/03/17,"I’ve been nonstop thinking about dying I have severe anxiety and depression. I’ve been suicidal for two years now. I’ve tried therapy and medication which don’t seem to help. I’m constantly let down by everyone I know. I’m used and abused and taken advantage of and left empty handed at the end of the day. My family is dysfunctional and fucked up. I have no one and nothing to live for. I have zero purpose in this world and no one in my life to love, help, or support me in anyway. The only thing that has been stopping me from doing it is because I’m afraid it will fail. I feel as if one day I’m not gonna let fear take over and jump in front of a train or overdose on pills. All life is, is struggling and suffering. I’d rather not feel this way anymore and it’s only gotten worse. ",2.6550703564727947,4.046715079268297,4.3678048780487835,86.21696998123831,75.03658536585365,7.729080675422139,24.81050656660413,8.384062270229773,1.4819142589118195,619,20,132,11,13,209,104,164,0.22,0.6890000000000001,0.092,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,1,3,4,0,16,7,1,1,1,25,33,15,2,2,6,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,7,0,5,5,3,9,3,21,24,1,21,0,3,0,2,3,11,1,4,7,85,17,1,0.0,0.17373618039354616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217387786706834,0.0,0.14542057889884766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938614306941871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845822901092507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913236640498232,0.0,0.1262948265634697,0.0,0.1521819500588146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987335463832675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401141580617354,0.0,0.0,0.13823258456578047,0.16500294173564928,0.1482841464922329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555988704058214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657007798278095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058568659885279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593172321429376,0.2998844458607488,0.20714251189591812,0.0,0.0,0.12947966493955626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234204780619288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771736598796906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069836113466366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980870380086406,0.22304207611225527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348921677126366,0.0,0.16565360310945018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259179118838535,0.0,0.15329269580035818,0.0,0.16039275142971682,0.1663974414807595,0.0,0.0,0.11024980093027864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768766584668113,0.0,0.09741647934994636,0.09395653428090367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955421212663083,0.0,0.1432391780876462,0.0,0.0,0.12664387073913494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639048570119324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943159979256054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944268732536715
suicidewatch,DefiantVanilla,2019/03/17,"I think I have cancer and it's recently made me have suicidal thoughts again So my mom has blood cancer and I'm 23.. well lately I bought these digital scales that measure weight and other stuff, for the ''fun'' of it.. well my weight was perfectly fine, but then came the body composition stuff and it got me REALLY concerned to say the least

To explain things, each body composition data point is represented by an icon... globs for fat, a dog-bone for bone mass, bicep for muscle, 

then finally, three wavy veins for blood..

mine was 66%.. 

I looked up ''normal litres of blood'' and it says the avg. adult has 4 or 5 litres. Plus I am small so maybe less than that..66% is about 30-32 litres of blood..

That is 6 times more than I should have..

I have cancer marker tests every year they come back negative though but this blood thing has gotten worse since when I was 18 I used the hand BI scale things and it said my blood % was 55.. now what goes through my mind now is I have cancer and I produce too many blood cells which is a type of cancer.. I get out of breath easily as well which is a sign of blood cancer since I looked up the signs.. 

When I saw that I had a mental breakdown and attempted suicide.. went to ER and I am now on Valium to calm me down but tonight is the last dose and dr won't give me a repeat prescription . 


I'm only 23 I don't want to die I've been trying to fight depression and become happy and now I have cancer and feel like ODing on sleeping pills I stored under my bed",1.7420633126059926,3.7486912131147534,2.749101187111364,94.08524590163937,79.49180327868852,6.174109666478237,17.730356133408705,7.237678284180719,-0.016877897117015372,1160,22,260,15,29,368,176,305,0.156,0.745,0.099,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,1,2,40.0,0,0,1,3,16,11,1,0,13,0,27,30,17,3,1,36,48,26,3,3,4,1,4,1,0,2,11,3,1,1,19,18,3,0,4,0,2,3,3,2,4,1,15,10,30,9,31,31,4,31,0,1,3,1,10,10,0,1,19,160,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906175573878392,0.0,0.0,0.13015345457510435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618043123531265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478630002695305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151530302787187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150199575972033,0.0,0.12230723989167495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929171562326812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958730542665733,0.08419037433782177,0.0,0.12909632432731233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157052555932624,0.11305019035046952,0.0,0.0,0.09425351968403536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545099934205758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606155183496144,0.1329372659091951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575744019841555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792466624457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151028213287943,0.0,0.11947900546437512,0.11839378964386095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876269850957642,0.0,0.1189925172556918,0.13802172636923754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546566135346738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962843720446449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114041072557614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549621295310002,0.0,0.116360322797128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121000881835722,0.18743433959141567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949695637547275,0.0,0.11793274363833148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26981469566197713,0.2578123715515355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348781975388973,0.07551200634006633,0.11578470351925245,0.09355785886676317,0.06871790395710146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800108087726089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178251936787083,0.0,0.0,0.06950958873622416,0.0,0.0,0.2870133433666785,0.3178775317002272,0.10924593875987852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009680856476095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589001346607888
suicidewatch,glitchydowner,2019/03/17,Beachy head Any experiences? I'm roughly a 2 hour ride from there and I'm kind of coming to the conclusion that that's Gunnar head up there soon. ,1.9390000000000043,4.1718869000000005,3.256666666666668,89.525,80.0,6.666666666666668,20.0,7.793537801064563,0.6590000000000007,117,3,25,2,3,38,25,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23423517452135634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967098347596979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33693440134562863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7070021877628425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392100467831997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358687631266509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A0S0T,2019/03/17,"I feel... Hollow I think the best way to describe what I'm going through right now is the word hollow. I'm not in pain, I'm not sad, I'm mad sometimes but only in short out bursts (mostly at myself). I'm barely excited about anything and the only thing that makes me really happy anymore (writing songs) which is the hardest thing for me too do because it means I need to dig up those emotions and use them.


I'm not really sure why I'm writing this now, I kinda just need to vent after two weeks of shit worthless exams that don't even matter because whatever grade I get it's meaningless if I'll never grow up


I've never being to a therapist so I'm not sure if I'm really depressed or just have the edge teen syndrome, I'm pretty sure I have something wrong with me since about 8 months ago I started having problems breathing and I almost passed out once because I couldn't get enough oxygen into my brain.


I guess I'm just looking for some answers:


What mental illness can cause a person lungs to not work correctly? (I've been to the doctor but he says my oxygen percentage in my blood is 98%, meaning I supposedly have nothing wrong with me)


Am I really just not ""special"" at all and we all go through this shit? Am I just an edgy teen or do I have something wrong with me and I need to get treatment

If my life goes nowhere and my only passion lies in the music industry which is almost impossible to break into than what's the point in living?


I'm sure this won't get much attention so if you took your time to read my shitty rant and have any answers for my questions than please reply. I've been struggling with those questions for a long time so I don't suppose y'all have the answers for them but it's still worth a try right?",4.5537652662432855,5.063822654494384,5.395398143624816,83.94872252076209,69.64606741573033,7.764338055691256,28.39960918417196,7.586124646067393,1.6054652173913049,1379,46,277,14,23,451,180,356,0.184,0.738,0.078,-0.9926,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,1,3,2,2,15,21,3,1,14,0,23,11,6,3,9,73,54,19,0,9,20,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,17,16,0,0,10,2,1,5,12,12,0,1,3,4,35,9,39,48,7,37,0,3,1,1,13,17,2,14,13,173,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103680519848877,0.0,0.18308443994477425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216757741952737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066238665895246,0.0,0.0,0.0752294698043275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718323760523074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593786355520688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205305427075197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391177424299206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873844600004798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357050159628623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283328053876677,0.0,0.09445953935250373,0.0,0.06038092355752405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046223838216263975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910491499467218,0.0,0.10391025083157654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070756169532426,0.0,0.0,0.09731647800039152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457144734679368,0.0,0.0,0.08072403188125861,0.08090231685007651,0.07676834592527294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102242370384162,0.0,0.0,0.1991626531485256,0.0,0.0,0.0921281424411869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729692131794739,0.0,0.06720296765960873,0.20335652854367492,0.1410148541553605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771832237268648,0.0,0.0,0.09735750366250448,0.0,0.2085832049922995,0.0972755144043569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982293153313287,0.0,0.10034983866312036,0.08641984049364168,0.0,0.0,0.09300527440650094,0.0,0.08747496475207309,0.0,0.0,0.2048188313524785,0.0,0.09144303696106768,0.0,0.2342596100627517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561414537620758,0.0,0.07269949972909777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767913809739667,0.07562216068980289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075654399060206,0.09041503415458704,0.0,0.06470634176073703,0.0,0.07300677076988803,0.0,0.0,0.0955702539756248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34464265541051997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614368989332797,0.12146850995445575,0.05857715396687858,0.0,0.0,0.10661348931052046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156909265047556,0.06206702339997014,0.0,0.08930239342208834,0.0,0.0,0.07895605741553569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725635896787678,0.07333024428567342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249079462226187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655360963701415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299854672912483,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zoetroppetrippy,2019/03/17,"Quick and painless way to die I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I find no joy in anything anymore. I cant find a support system. 
I’m just deciding when to figuratively pull the trigger. I want to pass away listening to my favourite songs and slowly succumb to nothingness. And then I will exist no more. It’s so ideal. 
I’ve put a knife to my wrists, it’s painful and the likeliness of not hitting the right vein is high also how will I have enough energy to cut the other wrist. 
I can’t listen to my songs jumping off a bridge and neither in drowning. I know I won’t be able to pull off hanging. Maybe pills. 
These might seem like excuses to delay. ",1.374608967674661,3.5362795839416066,3.127158498435872,90.07184306569343,81.62773722627738,5.958081334723673,23.65432742440041,7.1686216300943375,0.9230692387904068,521,19,110,7,14,173,92,137,0.129,0.7509999999999999,0.12,-0.0675,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,9,0,10,5,3,2,0,19,19,10,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,2,0,6,9,2,0,0,0,6,12,4,18,13,3,21,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,2,6,72,16,0,0.21662809203301975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323740693323195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731453107625742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148368575919884,0.0,0.0,0.17826646183351028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352922342574836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482575836531574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918681909170224,0.22383472740925026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39598830313878775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288794729404543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905313406731008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583354345974716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217632035241738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22980817219351635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23050756333925204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177710655736874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499920696041333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726245424166931,0.19721007900472126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582699168003685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777286132140508,0.1719492962481101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,otifiwi,2019/03/17,"Do you believe in GOD ? Tbh ever since i struggled with depression and anxiety because of people and life shit i started to hate this world and would love to go to heaven, i know it exists i know God is real....anyone thinks like this ? There is a reason why hell exists people deserve it and they make the world hell",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,78.03225806451613,5.423655913978496,21.623655913978496,6.42735559955562,0.5151526881720434,248,7,46,2,6,80,45,62,0.295,0.526,0.179,-0.894,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,2,9,4,1,2,0,4,3,1,2,1,12,12,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,6,11,0,6,3,1,0,1,3,3,3,0,3,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797374122254558,0.0,0.0,0.16428369594154174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322437941523902,0.0,0.0,0.2647101158926152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236356035476746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125272695839082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352846915229918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319661677654532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582466265248309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595333850441513,0.11478553582720608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120530880593362,0.0,0.15683208838258025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257718599340543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674264792396249,0.0,0.2415694852238693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411745501662563,0.19435447937211672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663000270062117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456225369053514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054756646047748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120073705321114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690295105901093,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Othmaine,2019/03/17,"Boredom and a lack of fulfillment block my way Hey everyone. I'm a senior in high school (starting college in the fall). I really don't have any interest in starting the next part of my life. I feel like I've already done every feasible thing that I've wanted to do in my life. There are a ton of things that I still want (like a relationship, success, etc.), but I know that these things don't happen for everyone, so I don't want to put time and energy into something that might not ever happen. Hate being ugly, hate being gay, hate not being smarter. Hope things randomly clear up one day in the future, but I doubt it. Honestly, if I can't live a perfect life, then life in general has nothing to offer me.",4.8676917057903,5.30505364084507,6.1027699530516415,79.410696400626,68.92957746478874,9.409702660406886,29.158059467918626,9.444778638647367,2.487340219092332,555,19,109,11,9,187,89,142,0.22,0.6509999999999999,0.13,-0.9466,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,3,1,8,0,13,5,0,0,3,23,27,7,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,1,11,7,15,22,4,22,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,5,12,74,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596046706087815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994643057489729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530159047365894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535556716415076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751321751820906,0.0,0.11964351946209872,0.11144106711774553,0.25277451464761713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687841842327465,0.09449192310109172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392741367153816,0.0,0.0,0.3917602963882781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974786786105198,0.0,0.13137146445497205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269075480792887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373697766390664,0.12923843153490172,0.0,0.116794619168363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031490752971348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406679788615834,0.0,0.0,0.1269142263691138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962787605682294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323280505113262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296536253240004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473394262582798,0.0,0.0,0.14200578726404434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386176387803828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018259777647084,0.0,0.0,0.1872392239981211,0.0,0.1056289904018122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514905792105976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712623856888573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340443821034709,0.1049877790357082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cmb483,2019/03/17,"i lost him and its all my fault i want to kill myslef but my parents wont take me to the hospital because they think it wont help or that this is just another breakup but all i can think about is ways to kill myself with it seeming like an accident and im planning the most painless way to go
they want me to talk to my therapist but i texted my therapist but shes in a meeting and isnt free for an hor i dont know what to do. do i wait an hour or what do i do
im too afraid to tell my parents i want to kill myslef im afraid theyll break down if they hear that. the closest ive said is “ i want to go to the hospital” its like my cry for help",-0.4042571428571442,0.9980208600000005,2.040571428571429,99.51600000000002,83.73333333333333,5.885714285714287,20.714285714285715,6.868970318607317,0.04442857142857104,499,15,135,6,14,171,75,150,0.224,0.684,0.092,-0.9795,2,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,4,2,3,10,3,2,8,0,15,0,0,0,2,24,30,10,3,5,8,2,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,2,2,25,4,17,25,3,9,0,1,0,0,15,3,0,5,3,86,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387576115200584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066601686357944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453562678615503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508761559411913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504102833384141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914345133243556,0.0,0.17739354983825295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031658010775116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288113546507064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392045021872224,0.0,0.0727240949315575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929770764637327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445181613409178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938695188538346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587438105810472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204665851038469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949430633942184,0.10636036086238844,0.11566064265199673,0.0,0.0,0.3072863811543933,0.0,0.16958108088097745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122023042639434,0.2100718648312456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Betelgeuse6000,2019/03/17,"My Downward Spiral Hello. My name is Jack and I'm 17. I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I've been hospitalized twice already. Once in 2017 and once in 2018. The second being much more serious. I've attempted suicide multiple time. The one ""true"" attempt if you can call it that was the day I pulled out a knife and the police came and tased me. I told them to shoot me expecting to catch them off guard. But it didn't work. I'm still here. For better or worse. And now all my friends are gone because I started to post suicidal things on social media. I stopped going to school after the incident in October so I'm basically a dropout right now. Things are so bleak right now and I'm either in the constant mental state of hating God for what he did to me or just not believing in him anymore. I'm really starting to turn into a nihilist as reality falls away from me. I'm just looking for someone, something, anything to hold onto. I don't really wanna leave Earth if its gonna hurt people. But now that my friends are gone its gotten a lot more dark. It's been a long time since anything felt real and I'm very isolated from the real world as I stay in my house all day. So I'm reaching out. Please just, comfort me in anyway you can. I'm so afraid I'm gonna end up in a padded room one day for the rest of my life. ",1.2370064418340263,3.4771951611721654,2.993467222432741,90.3679120879121,82.73626373626374,5.963319439181507,22.234305923961095,7.237678284180719,0.8018067197170651,1041,35,219,15,29,345,157,273,0.1,0.8290000000000001,0.071,-0.8706,0,0,1,1,0,2,28.0,0,2,2,5,14,9,1,1,14,0,14,2,0,0,3,36,38,19,2,4,11,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,10,12,0,3,1,0,0,7,3,4,0,4,12,2,22,5,36,23,8,48,0,1,1,0,13,21,0,5,17,136,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325863562704565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191545767442984,0.0,0.0,0.1977432089219653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288304411177146,0.0,0.0,0.07324113357883412,0.0,0.0,0.13536570405762116,0.0,0.10626118283059564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268458817390772,0.13741735665249558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983735419304884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324566499282291,0.0,0.0,0.1219477374454452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064155067973988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536096574961227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565216437357335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828290327170525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186213209541904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386347135302424,0.12862096804783615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272194325512194,0.0,0.0,0.08486411798662051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063272397423932,0.10089409845888424,0.0,0.0,0.10214557205040233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108097109898977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832263811412412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25590749525325235,0.16283085065325018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329552694545182,0.0,0.0,0.13188647456681565,0.0,0.0,0.11506861594081545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27350955987347325,0.15393982948139875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052115493633151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159623680241274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938770510618383,0.0,0.0,0.12247580214809148,0.10180104935705854,0.09249583560093867,0.0,0.0,0.1700828105083027,0.1280618306743238,0.09595038462066598,0.10044914620741632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628449226949517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596420458886583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011858348506692,0.0,0.0,0.11480660664501115,0.0,0.0,0.13068657250940846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913472075093754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746920833812635,0.0,0.12244112326007968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cheese_nugget21,2019/03/17,Someone please help me. I want to kill myself My mom keeps telling me to die and yelling at me and telling me how useless I am and how fat I am and how I'm an embarrassment and burden to the family. I'm pretty sure she broke my Playstation too upstairs. I need to feel better someone please help make me feel better,3.185384615384617,4.538062923076929,4.003076923076922,89.51692307692308,73.61538461538461,6.430769230769231,26.84615384615385,6.742157984588678,1.0235230769230772,250,9,53,2,5,80,38,65,0.231,0.508,0.261,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,1,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,4,1,15,10,8,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,13,3,5,10,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515672530467944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206277461431197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736957057182133,0.0,0.2009941211627801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26644406031036977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766635618268292,0.2198941862618642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267124601588065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327807524968564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737513627390753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363490443297692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220641679924906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368108120610649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732528039793733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474431993091485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723150258589725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spreadinghappiness2,2019/03/17,"I am a problem for everyone. I’m like the fly in the room everyone silently wants dead. My parents will tell me what a waste I am for them. I’m a medical student but nothing is good enough. When I come to visit they hate it so much. They’re divorced. If my mom and her boyfriend are in the living room watching a movie and I will go to grab something to eat, they will go “hide” in another room. Next day I will be bickered at on how I have no sympathy and that I should never have eaten dinner in the first place. 

I live thousands of miles away alone. My ex-roommates used me to get high level research positions and after, they took me aside and yelled obscenities at me. It was completely off guard. Then they became very passive aggressive to me, spread hateful roommates making stories of me to other students. People would come up and ask about them, laugh, and make me feel like a fool. 

To my dads side of the family they tell me stories of how I was sided with my mom during the divorce when I was only 10 and can’t remember, 15 years ago. Then make me feel guilty. My dads wife calls me a black hole and that I’m not with existing. She said that I am an evil spirit and demon. 

I had a partner I was close with and lived together. I did everything to take care of her as she has a dinilitating illness. I saved her after suicide, and did everything for her. I made $7000+ on the side and gave it to pay all her needs. Once I was out (being a student), she left and took our dog, and then told all our friends about how foolish and naive I am. 

You see, it’s a constant pattern where people take and extract all I have to give. Then I get left in the dust. To my family, I am a waste of particle space. I have been in this small town thousands of miles away near the Canadian border for school. I have no friends and get made fun of. A year ago the dean took me to her office and said many students hates me because they come to tell her that. Then she laughed and threatened to get me kicked out unless I send emails that praise what an amazing person she is. 

I feel like I was a target cause I kept giving out of me. It got to the point that I became anorexic thin and and could barely function. I focused on self-healing. I would go to the gym and train. It is the last thing I have been hanging on to. I feel so hated that it came down to the point where I let a predator rape me without saying no or fighting back because I felt in that moment that this was the only human that cares I exist. 

I avoid people now cause I feel like a poison. I don’t need to say anything or do much and they will hate my presence. I feel like the moment I die would be a big favor for this planet Earth. I don’t have the courage to be brave enough to do it myself, but each day I research ways I could and imagine it. Or I will sleep and pray I never wake up. 

You see forums and people say “think about how your family and friends will feel when you’re dead.” Well, that’s the only reason why I want to die. Because they will clearly be relieved of the poison I am. ",2.835550947867297,4.016663116903636,3.869712677725122,90.80703347156401,74.22906793048973,6.5388230647709324,24.403929699842024,6.816661863887847,0.7098394154818322,2375,71,520,20,48,768,278,633,0.17600000000000002,0.682,0.142,-0.9822,1,2,1,0,4,2,62.0,2,3,10,2,17,36,11,1,37,0,55,10,2,13,6,94,112,50,5,12,9,6,10,5,4,12,4,6,3,3,27,40,3,3,12,1,1,13,10,14,1,3,26,20,98,22,71,66,8,86,4,0,4,1,60,46,0,4,31,358,125,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292749621677567,0.0,0.0,0.06597111667708584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667920959514918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052417390134703035,0.0,0.059548308375582885,0.0,0.1196912823465838,0.04897923545870387,0.0,0.11648771435355824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650419901334246,0.07285265809331541,0.12988713542853506,0.13086919584946755,0.0,0.1646085617288246,0.06678533019754287,0.0688340730981096,0.0,0.10171410469598878,0.0,0.0,0.08215888323124836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221532942715244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517816483979752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163252483535914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173085939811455,0.11449392009078592,0.0,0.1801442289857762,0.0,0.2254506215882103,0.18202124563564875,0.06115932659310504,0.0,0.0,0.05418082840450754,0.0,0.0,0.14763695778541566,0.0,0.13311668756549755,0.12220836781394012,0.1086018053364032,0.053426211575947936,0.050944490962801806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144391199398072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729961712119295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192174123294647,0.0,0.0,0.13841444614857296,0.06513472981558338,0.0,0.15559623722292334,0.0,0.16873745421994454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054371188305182,0.12755518011368802,0.0645789900953204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416825450936364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920284388868105,0.0,0.0,0.09364958129269996,0.09446137283556497,0.0982544559236623,0.0,0.06774272311624348,0.0,0.0,0.061119206844473375,0.0,0.0,0.0678354674742732,0.0,0.14533383340419564,0.0,0.0,0.07072823207852158,0.0,0.0,0.17663854677703375,0.055617961348801474,0.06655004453130445,0.0,0.1204289357964728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609496433559213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549135770084337,0.0,0.0,0.07215654070329262,0.0,0.12118129802561818,0.15196377363058247,0.0,0.06446499394979532,0.10151688538174,0.0,0.06645009919063756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374322797325772,0.0,0.0,0.04903723700006364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967442741997862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578477436805892,0.0,0.16702255084666046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231760699579931,0.040814610822710026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060865429699057276,0.2123098874258523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055013952322312834,0.0,0.0525568828565674,0.07514054917145843,0.05055989361163468,0.0,0.0,0.05727145644098041,0.0,0.05747683953487113,0.0,0.0,0.061401853399631084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357460466374996,0.0,0.0,0.08203785106699657
suicidewatch,Ginataro,2019/03/17,"I don't feel like killing myself as much as before I fell in love with the most amazing girl when I was convinced I could never have feelings for anyone. For the first time I find myself wanting to stay alive. It's an uncomfortable feeling but I'm starting to accept it, I was so accepting of the idea that no matter what I do it doesn't matter and I mean nothing but now I feel genuine happiness. I can't believe I've never felt happiness before. The problem with this is without her I feel worse than I ever did being able to compare my emptiness with something positive like happiness wasn't something I was able to do before but now I feel like absolute shit. I now have a reason to be alive now but I don't feel good knowing that I can't just end my life when I feel like it anymore",3.0883618233618217,4.654699944444449,4.42061728395062,85.56431623931627,74.24691358024691,6.7130104463437785,27.893637226970558,7.321109707123232,1.5432605887939217,629,25,124,7,13,208,89,162,0.16,0.584,0.256,0.9495,0,0,2,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,9,16,2,0,6,0,18,3,1,1,3,35,33,10,1,3,6,0,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,16,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,6,9,23,13,16,24,2,16,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,17,91,31,0,0.23490916319282434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648338395607866,0.08212697440725952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998355939995316,0.13233109219183473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377792603844616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402989692760783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062443934556551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751085245636043,0.25172872968303583,0.112774817670603,0.0,0.10735135970996344,0.09990680710420737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851533044819116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750977585053527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259192600154085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299460921923907,0.0,0.06454996634271258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296164452619309,0.2295295028317113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600734562379494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794247234897949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634263197073208,0.0,0.1811764283448556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127008388093407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238817200003663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207628719140526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056544014102595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808445504491798,0.0,0.0,0.08313495738935431,0.1251909561524197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848871107359249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927775536883968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322202528242277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196962530723762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TranslatedSky,2019/03/17,"Everyone just wants to fuck me No one loves me every guy just wants to sleep with me. That was with rhe last guy I dated when he cheated with his ex. I took a year break to recover and five weeks of dating later every guy just wants to fuck me
Sex is very initimate to meand maybe I'm underexposed for my age but modern dating and sex is so scary I just want a pure romance I don't know the rules to this game
I've had so so so many disappointments but then I met this guy who swept me aaway and he kissed me on the forehead and held my hand and seemed like he was in for something serious and he tells me today he isnt ready for exclusive and if it's ok that if we don't work out if we can still have sex

I feel so uselsss I don't inspire commitment from a man  have no idea why or how I feel like I opened up not easily and keep having my heart ripped out and I want to die I feel so useless ",1.1240668856375038,2.5686974771573645,2.8258584652134964,95.44248432367874,79.3045685279188,6.259659599880563,19.202448492087196,7.048011613610866,-0.019122185727082908,701,15,172,8,17,232,114,197,0.205,0.6709999999999999,0.123,-0.9551,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,2,0,0,1,13,13,3,0,5,1,13,11,4,1,2,45,31,24,1,8,11,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,17,0,2,7,1,0,1,7,6,0,2,6,4,24,7,20,25,0,21,0,2,0,7,19,6,2,5,15,102,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231037819671802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310614091964324,0.1310253864980314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799811961666592,0.09795956497056232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25353307387103263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5430870289655214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248953482655112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479338499909706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187981237853775,0.0,0.0,0.07535834264637009,0.1117722530890627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398119241464046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375742896807868,0.0,0.0,0.1390195909028956,0.1377568899051524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291701829762436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483018463464532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722044061996622,0.0,0.0,0.10556276300844747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950533768871594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985015898611567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997506650414367,0.0,0.1523469353888238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313952638570073,0.4043888109204116,0.0,0.10999052661305676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373074751920238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099826021899741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830169438274459
suicidewatch,Loiseto,2019/03/17,"My life its worthless The only thing that keeps me alive its my fucking cat, and becouse my mom will be sad. The only thing i do right is fuck up things and play videogames, im not going to school anymore, the antidepressants do nothing and therapy is shit, if things dont change ill be dead in no time,thinking about jumping from my house roof makes me feel better, i cry till i fall asleep, fuck this",3.958916666666667,5.352557725000004,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,71.75,6.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.7207083333333335,318,10,67,2,6,96,60,80,0.266,0.63,0.104,-0.9514,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,3,0,8,7,2,1,0,8,15,5,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,0,1,9,2,6,12,0,7,0,2,0,3,1,3,4,1,1,40,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688387817372866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505691946150052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009822347861734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700778646292945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995276304678823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860817459065291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721704387443635,0.0,0.0,0.09675500947496213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644160365886973,0.0,0.0,0.1838954348125752,0.0,0.0,0.15132291185574856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025013797681065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364086096222102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939064359137768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633561086490603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25896027021830786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538958107868513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229854737023653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475558609033945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946917102676119,0.0,0.4524168400133034,0.1090870831650299,0.0,0.0,0.09927210343393293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jendeukk,2019/03/17,"I'm done with everything I have suicidal thoughts since I was 12. I've tried killing myself in not efficient ways, like taking a bunch of Tylenol or asfixiating myself with a pillow. Of course, it didn't do anything. My mom always dismissed my feelings and my depression, saying it was a temporary thing, that I was just sad, or that I have no reason to have depression. She had depression before, after my dad died when I was 5, so in her head I never went through anything to trigger a potential depression. I have low self esteem, kids would mock my appearance and my weight since kidergarten, my mom always makes sure to tell me how I don't know how to do anything, always comparing me to my younger brother who's so much more intelligent. She always locked me up, I never had a normal childhood nor could've enjoyed my teenager years. I can't leave my house by myself. I didn't finish college for financial reasons, and never got a job because my country situation and also because I have no experience or skills. I'm trying studying web development in my house but I'm so used to being treated as a failure that I always give up from it, plus it's easy for me to get distracted having the freedom to browse anything on internet. My family has no structure, my brother and my mom often treats me like I'm dumb or crazy, and they're the only family I have. I have a boyfriend, he lives in another country, but due to my lack of social skills I don't have friends or anyone but him, and the times I needed him the most, he left me to do something else or to be with coworkers or friends, and since I lack affection from my family, I constantly expect him to be considerate or/and affectionate towards me, which he's not really. I'm 25, I'm alone, I have no one, I have no life, no friends, no one I can run to, no one to take care of me when things are bad, no one who cares about me or put any importance on what I feel and I'm beyond tired. I'm trapped and I'm just a waste of space and time. I pray so much to God to take me, but he never listens to me. I pray to not feel these things anymore, but it's also useless. I want to kill myself in a way that it's not painful and seems like it was an accident. It's hard to have any accident inside my own house, though. I'm just tired of living. It's so unfair, I could count how many times I felt like living it's worth, while so many people are fighting to live... I want to be gone forever, where no one can hurt me anymore. I don't have strenght anymore, I couldn't even make an anonymous account because I'm just defeated, I feel like an old rug which everybody steps on. Please help me.",4.4128518321826835,4.941307847583643,5.5386861391396724,82.73114126394054,69.96654275092935,8.750801911842805,29.86956983536909,8.841846274778883,2.2268500690387683,2074,78,429,35,35,690,240,538,0.253,0.6459999999999999,0.102,-0.998,1,3,1,0,2,2,63.0,0,0,0,3,23,32,5,1,17,0,42,7,1,10,5,74,79,43,4,10,21,6,7,5,3,1,5,2,2,2,23,16,1,0,11,0,2,6,26,17,0,5,15,9,73,15,53,57,8,41,2,9,0,0,30,16,1,12,22,287,96,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778495587171172,0.0,0.10467835789780594,0.272292168094188,0.0,0.0,0.08901451182244521,0.06862850751507092,0.0,0.0,0.19472211458338448,0.045763145431245975,0.0,0.21543430859797866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546468024968297,0.11969047933055695,0.0,0.05569189251439453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345831004228514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072662768866211,0.0,0.10451067748475808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254829486133616,0.0,0.06792525822058926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669765862667243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054673862383615185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043228147669247284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058820933401214325,0.06402123701800058,0.18509719446034048,0.0,0.13237100637246307,0.04675645465999815,0.06284086829315677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516961539017598,0.0,0.03419416423016912,0.06278420948950783,0.0,0.0,0.05234518143331327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058629042213158525,0.0,0.06716909056219933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386878108823521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265565059343159,0.07006402261208154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649475834736819,0.0,0.14481823927259682,0.0,0.03596880950070008,0.0,0.0,0.06930056066480346,0.07111003721608436,0.0,0.0462282438999958,0.15987426930463994,0.0,0.2311690623476885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737482594124169,0.13270910708629735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995763975996925,0.0,0.0,0.09622442449173893,0.04852926789599192,0.20191181518374424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412567947728852,0.0,0.0,0.06867723986709134,0.0,0.22174814447576616,0.04977656879848788,0.06964186788675814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537378136682097,0.0,0.0,0.07184285017074668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579386619050143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041928014760677854,0.1345840123780138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204731104809732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059581898611155974,0.06827710774331558,0.0,0.0,0.16241914184628253,0.07356690839463903,0.0,0.06671655097437335,0.0,0.05038548858268037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159008708564818,0.0,0.06168448047591597,0.0,0.14762748527135156,0.0,0.05720491435738681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304433182561102,0.0,0.06430286458516442,0.05195883520647493,0.11449072127204835,0.15044695254470186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887053376613029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056526530371611636,0.0,0.0,0.07720649681730514,0.10390001958337282,0.0,0.07969869763312057,0.0,0.0606714582586253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046492769586432565,0.0,0.0,0.04214671809790613
suicidewatch,Melowmeow,2019/03/17,"invisible no one really likes being around me, people leave. they always leave. im just tired of feeling so empty and numb all the time and forgotten. 

no one listens or cares, im just there for their entertainment or needs, then im back to being ignored. 

i’m invisible.

",1.6677472527472543,4.414141269230775,3.872527472527473,80.5296153846154,88.23076923076924,6.817582417582417,20.89010989010989,7.957251820313856,1.521095604395604,214,7,39,5,7,73,39,52,0.294,0.544,0.162,-0.6743,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,7,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,3,3,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152038761215413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350337651406648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850467933526655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016782477377094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422777893561276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6679817837707112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365332690308989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007068871362337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284609356034334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793640959926765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290768298510576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205501637990533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019866398179616,0.23692124342159346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chupnguyen0005,2019/03/17,I cannot kill myself. Because my parents would be sad I hate myself. I hate my life. And I want to die everyday. I think about killing myself all the time. I really do. But... I love my parents and I don't want them to be sad. ,-2.0266836734693854,-0.2318972653061202,1.006913265306121,98.75281887755104,103.28571428571428,4.08265306122449,16.32908163265306,5.985473137389443,-0.4737571428571429,170,5,41,2,8,59,30,49,0.355,0.47,0.175,-0.9201,2,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,8,12,3,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,15,1,3,9,1,2,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,29,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788177836352214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23474687673504654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44662658497466295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004858318404763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976289463969354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414301677181432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023088215068876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449014809896835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449317935718879,0.0,0.0,0.1318917289278676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668224525942696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606770844467542,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,northwestwolfdog,2019/03/17,"Would anyone even care if I died?  Created an anonymous account for this...

I've been through so much lately. I've had a horrible divorce. It's been a year and a half and there is still no end in sight to it. My ex wife is trying to screw me over for everything she can get. She is dragging this on and on. She is making false abuse allegations. She's turned my kids against me, convincing them I'm an abuser who abandoned them, that I don't love them... Who knows what she is even telling them. My kids don't even want to see me anymore or have anything to do with me.

I have horrible social anxiety disorder. I take medicines and get therapy, but that only helps so much. It's so difficult to make friends. Like, I can't just go out and meet people like normal people do.

I have a few people at work who I like to think of as friends, but none of them want to spend time with me. I see them in Facebook pictures at parties, but I never get invited. I ask them if they'd like to do something on the weekend and they always say they're too busy or something like that.

A few people I thought were friends I've told about my suicidal thoughts, and they've backed away from me. It's like I'm a leper or something, they don't want to have anything to do with me because I am suicidal. Whenever I try to reach out to a friend, I end up losing the friend. I don't even know who my friends are anymore. I just want a friend who will listen to me, but they always turn their backs on me.

I go to a therapist, but it's only one hour per month, and it's difficult for me to open up to someone I don't know, especially in that professional setting. I really just wish someone would actually listen to me when I say I want a friend.

I've tried online dating, but after almost a year of it I haven't had a single hope of finding anyone. Evidently I'm not even physically attractive. After being so burned in the divorce, I've honestly been a bit bitter toward love anyway, so I probably wouldn't have much luck even if I did meet someone.

I have tried reaching out to my parents, but my relationship with my dad is very strained. A lot has gone on, and he and I are friendly but I don't feel it's the relationship it used to be. I've told my mom about my suicidal thoughts. At first she seemed supportive. She's helped me out a bit financially when I lost my house, money, life, and everything else in the divorce. That means a lot to me, but money is only a physical thing. 

What stings the most is that when I visited last Christmas, my dad told me that my mom doesn't like to hear me talk about suicide and I should stop telling her about it.

So now I wonder if there is anyone at all who would even care if I was gone: My colleagues don't even want me as a part of their social group, apparently. My kids hate me. My ex-wife hates me. My parents don't even seem to want to hear about it.

Why is there so little empathy in this world?

I commute by train every day. At the station I get off, the local trains stop, but the through trains speed by the station. It would be so easy to just hop off the platform and it would all be over. I think about that every single day when I go through that station.

The only thing stopping me from doing that is the fear of death. Seriously, I hate that. It's going to happen to all of us eventually, so why am I so afraid of it? But I am, and that's literally the only thing keeping me alive right now.

But really, who would care if I died tomorrow?",2.5238334453942954,3.9855111364902527,3.9632792238978034,88.69674094707523,75.51810584958217,7.180136394198444,25.05340505234848,7.873277556716777,1.2159348957833065,2708,91,593,40,58,896,265,718,0.165,0.701,0.134,-0.9496,3,0,3,0,5,1,85.0,1,0,13,4,43,41,5,3,34,0,62,4,0,3,4,98,125,51,7,24,26,8,1,7,9,9,1,6,0,3,42,23,0,5,14,1,4,7,16,14,0,3,17,11,99,27,87,94,17,73,0,3,3,3,78,34,1,18,38,416,141,2,0.0,0.1199918594791534,0.049413884495446654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050705104303885896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426718895089734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038736756384788636,0.0,0.10043553178780404,0.106218579018446,0.0,0.08333899078053986,0.0,0.047338258447780716,0.0,0.04757462480657256,0.07787263047322908,0.0,0.030867518481969624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056380798293113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488174946575975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531266049828911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510531039278652,0.0,0.0580337747157926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042300268167847085,0.0,0.08969775486342654,0.0,0.0,0.3010041623510393,0.0,0.08532680975597944,0.0,0.09101757762407847,0.0,0.0,0.05698009980863618,0.02560331766903396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046280810766449965,0.043071350436196684,0.0,0.0,0.3520944585029963,0.0,0.10582185005060303,0.0,0.1151114777038904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477765791216393,0.0,0.0,0.14997907479004124,0.0,0.0,0.11414195021564898,0.0,0.06788110893680112,0.0,0.0,0.050293434210703314,0.04986671713053503,0.058427680908723585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500801583477285,0.0,0.0,0.08348542911871085,0.041275476543206735,0.057120136994872235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035766032042478905,0.17316893004896186,0.05075103963438525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056649250943599926,0.05527568209812436,0.08609862188228964,0.09140277153309627,0.0,0.06760046587711181,0.0,0.0,0.0551579539166779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860962935501905,0.04041754248863262,0.0,0.11167088210463927,0.0,0.039053962698859586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049612983610018604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034312578508660235,0.19255656330604584,0.0,0.0,0.11245160176743292,0.054834356057001335,0.0,0.14041979373171032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545946725910132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487803095665805,0.0,0.0,0.10872922440095463,0.0,0.04324326360860909,0.0,0.08053629719087316,0.0,0.0,0.0807014118134888,0.09219507016049676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323499655643774,0.12871233495303286,0.11694727165209914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043834558407782,0.12700305383933336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155229207219626,0.057461659311901274,0.0,0.0,0.038072319164794,0.040699671712079284,0.08851700290928614,0.0,0.0579072096298073,0.0587928375438563,0.10092185008299084,0.06489160307913189,0.0,0.12059908887550233,0.029526529383500807,0.0,0.0,0.14515593407573427,0.0,0.13751534084607134,0.11015586447572956,0.0,0.0,0.060909431524616385,0.043733646921452776,0.0,0.041780385904196055,0.2090668890127225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138306557769504,0.0,0.058229434648701575,0.0,0.054913085233503314,0.036863948891154574,0.0,0.0,0.21582414729434532,0.0,0.0,0.0652164453071588
suicidewatch,beareola,2019/03/17,"Advice, Please: How did you handle losing loved ones to suicide? Could they have better prepared you? Would it matter? *[TL;DR: What would have made the suicide of your loved ones/friends easier on you?]*

I'm not too worried about my friends'/family's reaction to my departure, but I'm *very* concerned about how my boyfriend will take the news.

He already deals with pretty severe depression, anxiety, etc. and I seem to be one of only a handful of things in his life that he recognizes as ""good"". Having previously uncovered a suicide plan of mine a few months ago, and successfully prevented me from carrying it out, he was quite upset and strongly implied that he wouldn't stick around either if I did it first.

I don't really think that's true, but I was hoping you guys might have advice on how to ease him into life without me (I have roughly a month before my Plan B is executed).

In particular, I'd love to hear from anyone who is comfortable opening up about their experience losing a loved one to suicide and what they wished they had known, what they wished the deceased had done differently, what resources they learned about after, if processing that grief was different from other forms of loss, etc.

To confirm, I already have the plan and it does not involve him finding/seeing me. Genuinely not looking to be dissuaded either, just trying to go about this as considerately as possible. I care about him and obviously some amount of pain will be unavoidable but I'd like to mitigate that where possible.

Thanks in advance for your time and replies, and I'm very sorry for your respective losses. Your pain will be put to good use, I promise.",6.636809210526316,7.802938009868424,6.679447368421055,74.24713157894739,65.28289473684211,9.89578947368421,32.96315789473684,10.008157457239328,3.3744663157894736,1321,54,227,29,20,421,172,304,0.157,0.639,0.204,0.9262,2,1,0,0,0,4,47.0,0,8,6,13,13,26,0,1,9,0,29,9,1,5,2,49,49,19,5,9,12,0,2,1,0,7,4,1,0,1,17,13,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,9,0,4,9,4,34,17,43,28,8,20,0,6,1,4,31,11,0,6,7,165,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841281844383247,0.08092205886738213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147903550887614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983572158652751,0.0,0.0,0.06383128759296987,0.0,0.0,0.08126643226247145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768008894895354,0.0,0.0,0.08073757070851527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930750682640403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288671974141536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411479749411003,0.07862695409493875,0.0,0.0,0.19075484010913926,0.0,0.0,0.07988748919825724,0.09342018997382184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362240124912492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929801379787762,0.08605900476545822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765025051501621,0.0,0.0,0.07052954027528709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188155810265141,0.15313751506226436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039031547234333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102889170397002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067042770127844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896003119942215,0.04459912170168564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665964363847283,0.20425774825772944,0.0,0.0,0.3295670108057304,0.08637971863263529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684304526379928,0.0,0.0,0.14573178076191134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855790652044088,0.06942928525621286,0.1942755488374323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020774550204953,0.0,0.20582892749830192,0.0,0.0928735809866336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177050998316684,0.0,0.0970969306171799,0.0,0.0,0.0584819759037758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310594190466515,0.0,0.1031304179415638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219039541018564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994207473728146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863785534686752,0.0,0.0,0.08404650948651908,0.0,0.0,0.060648256610016035,0.05849421000718144,0.0,0.0,0.05323126347905335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061979137862029535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884425737745561,0.0,0.15064572618314928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995534813877573,0.08799919526832102,0.0,0.0,0.09270826004102097,0.0,0.12969796190796753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LookingForAMethod,2019/03/17,"Life offers no guarantee I have previously never entertained the thought of suicide further than the feeling of not wanting to be. My depression and anxiety are well known, subject to several different medications with limited effect, and I have taken therapy, support with councillors, university staff, my sole friend, and family. I'm 10 years in from diagnosis with this support, yet I have never been able to develop meaningful, fulfilling relationships with those around me, or contentment with who I am.


 Despite proactively seeking new experiences, throwing myself into as many situations as I can, I remain terminally incapable of developing new skills or improving to my personality to better fit in with those around me. My feelings of joy, upset, and others are either absent or muted, I do not look forward to any event or positively feel anticipation, however panic, anger, and anxiety in particular are common and difficult to control. I have very low self-esteem and confidence, I have had to repeat several years of my university course, I do not have a talent, skill, or have found an activity I can do for enjoyment/achievement; these are things I and my support network have long worked earnestly to avoid or rectify, and I do not feel I have anything to show for it outside of the reassurance of constant failure.


I have come to start relying on my depression and low mood to try and least approach new people, as I do not have any other clue on how to do otherwise constructively with any sincerity for much beyond a first meeting. Recently I have been included in a group of acquaintances after meeting one at an event during a bad episode. Out of pity they invited me smaller gatherings of their friends, to which I have tried to join but never been able to integrate. I offer nothing to their dynamic beyond my depression and mood. What I'm doing is using my state as a social crutch to rely on the other person's goodwill, and I genuinely have lost trust in myself.


Today I considered suicide seriously for the first time and have tried to Google for what information I could, and have given considerable thought to how I would be able to carry the action out, how I would feel, and easing the impact on my family (parents and sibling). I am wholly aware of the finality of my suicide and the pithy opinion of how trying is better than nothing, but I do not think there is an approach in existence I have not attempted to better myself with any consistent success. I am here to ask for further points of view as I do not really want to end everything, but feel more strongly about not wanting to continue as I am.
Your thoughts, please?",15.560383542538354,9.557841161087866,14.538,47.59033333333336,53.707112970711286,18.269679218967926,54.042398884239894,15.112257680678324,7.75036608089261,2137,106,329,66,15,717,241,478,0.126,0.7559999999999999,0.118,-0.6466,3,1,0,0,0,3,51.0,0,1,3,15,13,34,1,3,17,0,48,2,0,7,3,85,75,37,3,6,19,1,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,13,32,0,3,16,2,0,6,13,14,1,3,11,8,51,18,82,59,4,56,0,7,2,0,21,25,0,7,26,266,64,4,0.2389955277601861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670020584371202,0.0,0.1218872830513442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655576518693103,0.14183779313393186,0.07447618547700734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651709427663058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137212253832835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862449501837954,0.0,0.08608975359734576,0.08935126886175357,0.06360616055780655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584649785627093,0.0,0.0,0.08323315296810077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055969998821192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159792327675474,0.07792782859857006,0.15020247567668846,0.0,0.2416866396953529,0.0,0.0,0.08726930621739261,0.0,0.1355263158812616,0.0,0.08734875345493168,0.12309823459565335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626986973149042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050117377236731,0.06689868358559567,0.0,0.08696395024437156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076798443915198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802542835378806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856307069386945,0.0,0.18432808461558967,0.2308233699861851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288176975395126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398318495439199,0.0,0.0,0.09346991912115178,0.08845875012128301,0.0,0.0,0.055229802201860745,0.13912111756863374,0.0,0.08744844015689003,0.07530934130493612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051035551637806535,0.0,0.07865975034262716,0.08553058507833933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831081528139046,0.17999794599776614,0.0,0.0,0.08954699557417545,0.0,0.08120861437833399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563874215506301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614223168258298,0.2712092926771197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110407155351656,0.0,0.052926002997165794,0.05104622799075891,0.0,0.1897357529820804,0.04645340472936233,0.0,0.07551327176769702,0.0,0.0,0.2163497003609357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880513365951185,0.0,0.06573211334621303,0.14096575443356454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716285605551436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057997196877471076,0.0,0.0,0.11318371053610354,0.0,0.0,0.10260352273425828
suicidewatch,Nosandstone,2019/03/17,"How do you live with the knowledge that nobody cares and you can't care about them? When you've been suicidal for so long, nobody believes in you anymore and don't expect anything out of you in the future. They've given up and look at you like at a dead man.

And when you can barely feel a whiff of emotions inside because you're so numb. Can't let anyone in and can't care about anyone because they could be your murderer (metaphorical or real) in disguise.",6.5076086956521735,5.982772804347827,6.4642608695652175,81.48943478260874,65.52173913043478,8.664347826086956,30.35652173913044,7.554174236665415,1.8596321739130437,366,11,71,3,5,116,59,92,0.23,0.7170000000000001,0.053,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,7,2,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,0,14,16,11,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,3,9,4,14,11,0,12,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,1,5,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027294127582028,0.28587001386342914,0.0,0.16821999505608953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492247030014753,0.0,0.0,0.2303109997200787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6252585227008152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321249632157733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299446478730564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336074222559677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090329926652164,0.0,0.0998691395703713,0.0,0.1805063398598058,0.18090500140362809,0.17166106321901425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326743712744419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236019726660334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lesregrets,2019/03/17,"Wishing for rest in death, lost to the world To summarize matters, there were three years of my life recently (2014-2017) that felt like a nightmare from which I couldn't wake up. The last year and this year have been slowly emerging from that horrible time, but the lingering damage it has left on me is almost unbearable. Family, friends, relationships, school, hobbies, health, dreams/ambitions, everything failed during that time.

Yet, I lifted myself from that darkness. I finally rid myself of my emotionally abusive and manipulative ex-girlfriend. I let go of some close friends who had turned into a negative influence in my life. My father returned to the family after running away, and we are on semi-good terms now. I graduated with my master's degree. My creative writing hasn't quite returned yet, which saddens me greatly, but I'm getting ideas again, at least. I got a career job, and I'm to complete more education to ascend its ranks quickly. My health is tenuous still, especially where sleeping is concerned, but I've improved a lot from where I was. I've found myself having ambitions and aspirations again.

This is all to say, I've put forth all of the effort I can and lifted myself from out of the darkness. Though still, I find myself wishing I had died on September 30th, 2017, which once was my date for myself. I miss the feeling of rest that I felt then, knowing that the world couldn't hurt me again, if it passed inconsequentially above me, while I lied underground. I've exhausted myself of energy. I've had to accomplish everything alone, as no one loves me enough to help. I cannot be loved.

I wish for nothing more than to love and be loved. I feel such a powerful love inside of me, and want to give my affection so much, but there is no heart willing to receive it. After my ex-girlfriend, it's been a horror show of trying to date again. I want my old life back, before 2014. Something broke within me this morning, when a song that reminded me of my prior life played, and I remembered how I felt back then. I lowered my head on my desk and nearly cried, wishing I could just return to that life right now. I fear it's irretrievably lost. I am irretrievably lost.

I fear no one will find me, here in the exhaustion and darkness. Just to be held again, and to rest my head on her chest, listening to her breathe, would afford me the oblivion and rest that I long for. I am alone, though, and the only rest that is always present, and vows to fulfill its promise, is death. I just wish I could love again, before I leave this world. I wish that I could make someone shed tears of joy, while cradling their cheek and telling them that I love them. I wish that I could rest on another's heart, but it seems impossible. I'm only to be used and discarded, exhausted while I wish for the rest of death, crumpled in a pitiable heap on the floor.",5.4871146421146415,6.585886760073263,5.63912780912781,80.91623255123257,67.84615384615384,8.833105633105633,29.958221958221955,9.068930737419137,2.406267458667459,2265,83,430,40,37,716,257,546,0.219,0.634,0.14800000000000002,-0.9918,4,2,1,0,0,0,86.0,1,0,3,10,29,27,0,2,21,0,38,26,9,6,2,74,79,34,4,18,9,1,5,1,2,3,10,3,0,0,29,22,0,1,12,3,0,5,8,13,0,3,17,8,73,14,63,48,17,73,0,8,0,7,25,27,0,5,42,304,102,7,0.0,0.07185996654407671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073190489266795,0.12562957815694434,0.0,0.0,0.05046540161190606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359648935212417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056982381334647975,0.09327173767946632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032168402762817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359004729947046,0.0,0.0,0.1936953732057518,0.0,0.06662083787731736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294480409933663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822273935857412,0.0,0.06266734367914507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090160634459622,0.0,0.11435026233104913,0.13649552840334522,0.0613326123655511,0.0,0.17469964403960067,0.0664387721603732,0.11086543796373556,0.0,0.0,0.06649925593344777,0.09371560192390786,0.0,0.031686960420801574,0.058180710244998164,0.034468617173475435,0.050870083461398236,0.048507098495878975,0.06686649864437602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448816118557432,0.12893557124581048,0.0,0.1437403521436987,0.04065220956110624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492674880096623,0.06846611904279276,0.0,0.0,0.0601854601008649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03333148414917109,0.04943759312273949,0.0,0.06421926584149547,0.0658960669317885,0.0620184183796034,0.21419335254433908,0.02963037557906497,0.0,0.0,0.05367306816480312,0.0,0.0,0.1986189071582306,0.05156219859254153,0.3831709995194891,0.0,0.0404841398189784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458450146434624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058195014423828864,0.0,0.06364164852312452,0.06458994172090549,0.08219560074745587,0.0922536462528531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060969691198667526,0.0,0.0645084120939699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988425321254703,0.06511507082006206,0.06870427716261196,0.0517945048882455,0.0,0.0482310687311702,0.0,0.06138072541233588,0.0,0.0552132010122996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069349166726915,0.0,0.051388286525897435,0.046691095350519296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686984345048827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301050333958973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917602730916001,0.0,0.07073064532447518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04117715916475483,0.06596944801272132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238186020730935,0.0,0.0,0.0715455184811982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579532136795544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308380049362152,0.0,0.0,0.11716923793593433
suicidewatch,alt1233,2019/03/17,"Suicidal, living a life that doesnt feel like my own. Alt for obvious reasons.

Im 17, still in school and doing great, but i really dont care.
I stopped thinking about my future a long time ago. People are trying to preassure me to think about what i want to study in university after school, but i cant decide as i dont really see any sense in that. No matter what i do ill never satisfy my expectations in the future, and they are far beyond realistic anyways. What is wierd that i wouldnt concider myself antisocial. I have lots of friends but i dont really care. Every time im around them i just feel sad because i see them having fun and being happy which i for some reason cant really do.

Ive been bullied from the 5th grade all the way to the 10th (im in 12th now) and even tho i dont really thought it had an impact on me because im still doing fine i think i have deep scars that im only noticing now. It has left me kind of empty.

Im not from some bad family or financial background, my family is great and im sure they would be very understanding but ive never told anyone how i feel expect for my 25 year old brother when i was drunk.

I basically feel empty inside and dont see the sense in the future. Im playing with the idea of suicide more and more every day. I dont have any romantic relationships because i feel out of place whenever im talking to someone i am interested in. Ive been told many times that im worth nothing and now, two years after, im starting to believe it.
Everyone thinks of me as the bright, funny guy but i feel like thats a facade i cant take off.

I need help but im too scared to tell anyone because it totally goes against what people think im like. Help me.",2.056722068328714,3.5496172991689785,4.433193905817177,84.71147137580797,76.83933518005541,7.472613111726685,23.11366574330563,8.238735603445708,1.2789400923361032,1339,40,285,24,30,469,179,361,0.15,0.6990000000000001,0.151,-0.1457,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,4,0,16,19,0,1,12,0,35,3,0,3,6,55,59,20,2,6,9,1,6,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,15,11,1,1,17,2,1,0,15,3,0,1,7,10,42,16,37,48,8,41,0,1,4,0,14,16,0,4,27,178,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579370643294547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026150112962096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224411455125747,0.0,0.0,0.045988586968349066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043134162023152484,0.12596646811122605,0.0,0.0,0.058203426170262425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534216286550364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033316596095677234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632726632062657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03412111670457292,0.0,0.08705199987518884,0.049363595456031285,0.0,0.0,0.09740139722839808,0.0,0.15672588811675164,0.07381220487875922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039912591293682034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391124537830795,0.0,0.05115178270371815,0.0,0.05499331092486396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925357110611996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831814918157052,0.7254253413336098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053796214554264365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056129027255143266,0.0,0.036489171759755024,0.07571578559517207,0.0,0.04561695897314354,0.045717707386206674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043919708487787326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237539860946423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830543066837491,0.07968715965613639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956941594237711,0.05881555219391187,0.05420875616467922,0.0,0.0,0.03928995815693211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162944390728426,0.0,0.05397397984483567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547443760329142,0.10623070939925512,0.0,0.055463789493887625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051720935791032034,0.10456588898320024,0.1234996241721627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043771573468761545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03656540027316242,0.0,0.08251190604231627,0.04319029333058081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130158865482785,0.0,0.048689186806794495,0.0,0.038842088818978056,0.04152256280215458,0.04515334716162457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550905393335455,0.0,0.04101247857018515,0.09037054495151156,0.0,0.0,0.09872719091206257,0.0,0.035073927726829913,0.0,0.05046457073565355,0.05378015601514463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426251275410252,0.030470561778530837,0.041005512437602525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036697968858518684,0.0,0.0,0.06653503166208796
suicidewatch,hauntedbydesign,2019/03/17,can amitriptyline kill you? Is there anyone who has tried taking amitriptyline ?,7.475000000000001,11.607163166666671,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,84.0,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,0.10986666666666656,66,2,8,0,2,16,11,12,0.315,0.685,0.0,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224781837296828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6684696399500915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542912661727195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102194171619021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sprk_trh,2019/03/17,"Recycling between bad coping mechanisms and I never feel relive Stopped self harming and started to drink excessively right after, fucked my stomach up from all the alcohol so I started smoking heroin (((again))) and lost my job and apartment to it so I guessed I should stop and went on a rehab now I'm self harming again 
Does this shit ever end? Like holy fuck why am I so stupid it doesn't even make me feel better in any way like it used to at the beginning I just want to die ffs",2.6942708333333343,4.883544052083336,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,77.22916666666666,6.3500000000000005,26.291666666666664,7.3871296695380915,1.3881541666666664,383,15,75,5,9,123,70,96,0.348,0.564,0.08800000000000001,-0.9885,1,0,2,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,11,4,0,3,0,3,7,2,2,3,18,17,8,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,5,2,2,2,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,2,9,3,11,14,1,20,0,1,0,2,2,6,3,1,14,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866920023380016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005429068545292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740479900785486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561366321317317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322223036093407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449267798641395,0.0,0.0,0.1729434841781789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563633906129757,0.0,0.0,0.116604012083542,0.15969191631426607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785293987688701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264195897273313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448039296117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519022249360994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249854305561824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271592883161076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784283862685495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615970731406302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076549751569818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683426251453582,0.0,0.18121733816880828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24991399972088035,0.0,0.0,0.2951932393663904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247519465612303,0.0,0.0,0.10412876532085924,0.14013044500167932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365576212157987,0.1593012667941648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Iheitu,2019/03/17,"From being in love to feeling completely nothing Well, this post would describe a large part of my life though I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Lived till like 22-23 never having a real gf then I met someone older than me (about 8-9 years older) with whom I couldn't resist but fall in love with. Short story is she dumped me after toying with me and showing me all kinds of parts and sides of her that I fell in love with and couldn't imagine living without. First thing I remember when I realised it was over was that I don't want to live anymore. I did live though after that for like around 3-4 years every experience being a downward slide till ... I consciously realised that I really don't want to live anymore because I felt nothing inside. Really nothing. And it's not like I can't accept the fact that ""there are other fish in the pond"" and I just got stuck on her, oh no, I trully and deeply hate her and if I did meet her again IRL I'd probably beat the living shit out of her. Tho that's just in my anger moments and most of the time I just don't fucking care about her or that she exists. I don't know what to feel in love means anymore, I don't know how to enjoy the little or the big things in life, like walking in the park, feeling the sun on your skin, eating a tasty meal, feeling happy when you've bought yourself a new gadget or when you've achieved something important in your life. I don't know how to enjoy life anymore. I don't know how to live anymore. I don't know how to feel love anymore. Or anything at all for that matter. I don't know why I exist. I mean why am I conscious at all? ",3.612485571373604,4.2542491917404135,4.568880338591769,88.55796844940363,71.83185840707966,6.957599076567911,25.35859946133128,6.7026698264267655,0.8374357060407851,1272,36,274,9,23,414,170,339,0.091,0.737,0.173,0.9836,0,0,1,0,0,4,33.0,0,2,0,3,19,21,5,0,13,0,23,14,2,4,5,62,52,29,0,6,11,0,7,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,17,14,2,1,19,2,1,4,16,5,1,1,9,7,40,16,47,38,6,45,0,0,0,6,19,22,2,6,22,181,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410386121102465,0.0,0.0,0.060993873672406836,0.0659818967710308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045182441141573486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556957251820404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771268242792657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584255420236867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062448712257995836,0.0,0.0,0.07250290389566634,0.0,0.0,0.1873847413885665,0.0,0.07116615746268602,0.0,0.0,0.06304584403531764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852210428872334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927998013836652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890137974969477,0.0,0.07317746995790995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588064497447323,0.0,0.07718385167682226,0.24440419397746585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941063190043901,0.14484379649865375,0.0742870167063704,0.4581409374530406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344778385232938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161475306658399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716537829295034,0.07158488784621116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213358420076782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160527971597635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355838117035556,0.07098580692217323,0.0,0.07991314826385519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436399729763433,0.0949654510385293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839627252899177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608240274611318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280104766230643,0.05706066309557786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848314723748564,0.0,0.14564368413947976,0.0,0.04321956352805717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032214362704879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743497438658153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664215769268578,0.0,0.1337622907462594,0.0,0.0,0.07144836627471211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052652228575663235,0.0,0.0,0.09546080626061802
suicidewatch,4GNRZ8ZcyNsR,2019/03/17,"Can't get past my ex It's been 3 months since she broke up with me, been together for 4 years
I won't say ""she was the one"" because I don't think there's only ""one"", but I think we were a match, I wanted her for life
I have no one to talk to, who could understand me, except her. She's having fun with her friends, while I'm here, posting on suicidewatch because I'm not able to think about anything else for the 4th month in a row, 24/24, 7/7. I have not eaten for two days, it's eating me alive (lol)
I'm not even in love with her, I just think she's a matching partner for my life, we could be happy together if we took time to build something again. But she doesn't want to
Maybe I should go out, meet new people, but it's not me, I'm not a social butterfly, I just want to be home, playing with her and some friends; that's what I did for years, and it was so nice
Sadly I have no ""her"" anymore, and no friends either
I won't kill myself today, probably not tomorrow either, I just want someone to talk to, and maybe someone to play with if anyone is up for some LoL, or any game really",4.404121112929623,3.5297513106383,5.368936170212767,88.76692307692308,69.93617021276596,8.592471358428806,27.01309328968903,7.61054688173877,1.1683126022913255,838,21,201,8,13,277,123,235,0.093,0.728,0.179,0.9807,0,0,1,0,0,2,37.0,3,0,0,0,9,12,1,0,6,2,21,5,0,0,0,45,39,12,1,9,18,1,0,0,4,3,2,1,1,1,7,13,2,0,5,3,0,2,14,3,0,4,8,1,34,9,29,24,4,21,0,2,0,1,27,6,0,5,12,133,41,0,0.12383683469631215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421329413949934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281286406861293,0.08658959416948556,0.0,0.1019071633729198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097957003785656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774727162011,0.0,0.0,0.07986451361339703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671599779400144,0.10344978499321317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179306138391028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870280938874611,0.0,0.06469963495196028,0.0,0.07037932697888967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318266132708086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421844223872805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700710963796398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493923727260052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176757822625223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24882149050867394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197690759964556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196023866258586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517451323380802,0.09418349308803604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821627114755122,0.08585286866679047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860145597620955,0.0,0.13351705286842944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933304732983798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848002139710058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243910935532914,0.0,0.0,0.1262360578325636,0.2098530963449347,0.09533564546956788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990707137459385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173985734446841,0.0,0.0,0.07221025418086402,0.0,0.11738283943108765,0.0,0.13758727989567499,0.0,0.0,0.12097059330244032,0.12891851225940276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921686944225465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594937227886279
suicidewatch,vvvvvitch,2019/03/17,"spent all my rent money on booze so im going to be homeless got no friends, no family. nothing.",-1.5030000000000001,0.037188700000003294,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,112.0,4.0,20.0,5.985473137389443,0.4215000000000004,74,3,15,1,4,26,19,20,0.187,0.6809999999999999,0.132,-0.0772,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426443583657234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36276858169657306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26685271413433426,0.0,0.3755372843436188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071881669273995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450540196316197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_sam303,2019/03/17,"I’ve always cared about people but it’s getting much harder now. I was a genuinely nice person. I honestly cared about what everyone had to say, I would listen to everyone’s advice and take it into consideration, no matter who you were.

I’ve been pushed away, let down and forgotten, by friends and family. I was lonely then, and still am now. I hate myself so fucking much, and I assume everyone else feels the same way about me. How could someone love me when it felt like my family and friends didn’t. My family, they only do the easy stuff... they say, I love my son, he’s doing great, when others are around. But when it’s just us, no words are spoken, only this mutual feeling of someone failing the other. 

Now I don’t trust anyone, people do things for others not out of love but obligation. ",3.9401923076923056,5.480346737179488,5.213333333333335,80.84000000000002,72.01282051282051,8.276923076923078,23.256410256410252,8.841846274778883,1.6438564102564102,625,16,118,12,12,208,99,156,0.105,0.597,0.299,0.9914,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,2,1,15,16,2,0,4,0,16,4,0,1,0,25,29,15,0,2,5,1,3,1,2,1,0,3,0,1,12,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,7,6,18,12,14,19,3,15,0,2,0,4,16,5,1,1,9,90,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627636041928705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752485888571456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035654218594814,0.0,0.0,0.11503690575457265,0.0,0.0,0.121410358706716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26350530121488563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317498229247546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795020985513028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704376880783849,0.0,0.0,0.3654631320061569,0.0,0.13067924318553803,0.0,0.12407546538650667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996765417572865,0.11946566011160335,0.06751429373268046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247010033151306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758211156188087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214046597439127,0.0,0.06313240063699455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34988956792849296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998926295328447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656160415238594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917553313142195,0.11283355822592178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552848857157446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189824347210656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031985867010086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479307546170299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971604914466004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585079454813731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554407619627551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257212888382376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917971406224575,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elmos-Elbows,2019/03/17,"An Ongoing Battle. Robin Williams said:

 “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that”

I’m 32 and I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 15. 

I’m from a third world country. My parents separated when I was 6, this was at the time my country went through a Civil War. I was being bounced around like a hot potato between my parents and not in a good way. I felt like neither really wanted me. I was with my father right after they split. I idolized him, but, I became his outlet for anger for 6 years. He wasn’t around much even when I lived with him. He loved his liquor and  he loved taking out his anger on me after a solid few nights of drinking. But, I understand his frustration and his anger (not saying that he should have beat me like a drum). 

My mother came into my life when I was about 13.  Long story short, my father handed me off to her. We moved to the US when I was 15. She’s been nothing but supportive and loving. She is the main reason I’m here. 

Ive always been the one to make myself look dumb just to make those around me laugh. Im believe I’m an intelligent man who’s just done nothing but hurt the people that are closest to me. I’m extremely gifted athletically. I’ve traveled the world competing. 

I’ve tried taking my life twice. I jumped off off a warehouse with a rope around my neck. Woke up with a snapped rope, a broken foot, and extreme disappointment that I couldn’t even kill myself properly. That was in 2003. Fast forward to 2018 where I booked a hotel room with the intention of overdosing on sleeping pills. I took about 80 of them just to wake up in the morning with police and paramedics around me. My kidneys had almost failed and my liver was about to give out. I couldn’t walk for two weeks because of how bad my kidneys were. 

For a second I thought that I took the sleeping pills and the I tried jumping of the building because I felt like my back was broken, like I was paralyzed. My foot was three times the size it is normally with blisters up to my shin because my enzyme levels were over 25,000. 

Every day is getting colder. I don’t have much left. I believe that I am a good person. I truly do. But, I’ve made mistakes that I just can’t shake. I can’t sleep because my thoughts drown me. I take about 10 sleeping pills every night just so I can fall asleep because I’m terrified of my thoughts at night. I’m divorced, but I’m currently in a relationship with someone who knows how I feel and someone who knows I’ve tried to take my life. Things are great when they’re good, but, once we argue she says to hurt me as much as possible. She makes sure that I know how much of an inconvenience I am. I want to leave, but, I know that once I leave and once I’m alone I will make sure that the third time is the lucky charm. 

I’m not sure why I’m on here. I’ve never, not once, written to strangers about this. But, that’s my story. They say it is supposed to make you feel better to talk about it. ",2.75370402436112,4.4651926060126605,3.6238571769763546,90.3202113685216,75.47151898734177,6.288798662526869,23.949844757582998,6.973358841146867,0.7434646763792689,2445,76,516,24,53,780,273,632,0.15,0.725,0.125,-0.9551,3,1,1,0,1,1,66.0,3,1,6,4,32,41,9,1,32,0,43,24,13,12,4,94,99,33,4,8,18,5,8,7,0,2,6,4,1,2,24,33,2,0,18,6,0,12,13,18,0,7,34,13,91,23,76,60,7,67,0,6,1,3,49,34,1,2,29,326,115,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011897400586125,0.06218083688411094,0.0,0.0,0.099912168836575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04197967889437965,0.06151560590267045,0.0,0.26723091918688946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046165200835898,0.050128879905513866,0.21959014581110992,0.0,0.0,0.135283609266013,0.0,0.053098369480941376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866700880095603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03871927878520669,0.0618961190820071,0.051710288321243074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143929920951355,0.0,0.058813981682829024,0.0,0.0,0.050153702617053215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793085239772348,0.0,0.10116851800519154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142723779313845,0.04289086631545603,0.11529100316559687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03136716283195177,0.057593527043869615,0.0,0.15107004616585032,0.0,0.0661916549623906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391113098428547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128542963714007,0.0,0.06485089973751765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664226980622072,0.0,0.16497544681681098,0.0,0.0,0.12714227820199547,0.06523101723817266,0.0,0.12721897608776656,0.2053193371192512,0.0,0.05301429193853479,0.05313137790618155,0.05041645477405498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255880708564374,0.05680901933716071,0.2404533452782229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638104568122435,0.1765381467507969,0.0,0.04630469063325995,0.0,0.0,0.16902363356347538,0.05882409104472236,0.11521537371831292,0.0,0.0,0.25575229587952586,0.04068302479121669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333292775231636,0.0,0.0,0.1248675164733582,0.052422507858773726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676833619482314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846161752531757,0.061728641800140475,0.0,0.06445790325430305,0.0,0.05127177384812792,0.057109496590899984,0.14323290397931476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496637148864063,0.0,0.2403237938489248,0.0,0.10173931041076753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567137900062743,0.0681299456915051,0.16975415427044965,0.0,0.18056318373735725,0.04825594068481311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988630707604302,0.03846966348133532,0.0,0.19065256088839774,0.10502520467277357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340794319156213,0.16304633064522714,0.0,0.05864800165894125,0.06250124856339916,0.072217828575881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623517836486387,0.04765504444818704,0.04815853331264692,0.0,0.0,0.05565544745121126,0.05417458675477301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866223957136477
suicidewatch,here4adayor2,2019/03/17,"It Doesn’t Add Up I have a lot to live for...family, career, finances, health. 

And yet every day, inexplicably, I want to end my life. 

I research if my life insurance will pay out. 

I think about places where the person that finds me will be a stranger and not a loved one. 

I think about how to abandon my cell phones to throw them off the scent. 

I think about anonymously renting a storage garage, prepaying for like a year, driving my car inside, locking the garage, and then ending my life. 

If it weren’t for caffeine (and I’m not kidding) I would already be dead.  The stimulant snaps me out of it and gets me ready to face other people. 

I just wish I could take all of the knowledge i have now, go back to 1/1/2001, and choose a different door. ",3.1629504504504524,4.803157952702705,3.7308108108108087,90.28153153153154,74.20270270270271,6.825225225225225,25.171171171171174,7.492282038375204,1.0497684684684685,579,19,123,7,12,182,94,148,0.083,0.853,0.064,-0.5784,3,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,11,0,10,6,1,2,1,29,20,10,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,2,5,9,0,1,6,0,3,4,4,1,0,1,1,1,19,2,17,13,2,18,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,3,9,82,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087651796578835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454679832903167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104508618535678,0.0,0.0,0.1220056513857902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765316210400916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33511521124581833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939257297935935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834236247619958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290737878825596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883890541108367,0.0,0.10751553153780886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108982624478444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008709493874001,0.09242394506326716,0.0,0.1670496823197182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608343369574229,0.17074261857169468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819347611126086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115380900877854,0.1651849522835127,0.19765316210400916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224005159275585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636573174053303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158345009810193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175480236125808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438826650421068,0.0,0.0,0.12182591904940235
suicidewatch,upon_a_starr,2019/03/17,"I’m trying I keep reaching out. I tell people how tired I feel. Nobody cares. I’m trying so hard to get to a better place. I can’t do it anymore. I’m so exhausted. My car broke down and I can’t afford to fix it, can’t afford to feed myself. Can’t afford to get to therapy or get my medication for depression refilled. How is it that I tried so hard to get help and now I can’t keep up with the help? How is it that I’m trying so damn hard and it doesn’t matter? Why don’t I matter? I took all the steps that people say to take to get better and I’m worse. I don’t understand. I don’t know how long I can keep going. Idk.  Nobody will read this but it feels good to get it out ",-1.5040567327409455,0.3646787857142861,1.6697539302802475,97.52763841421736,92.31168831168829,4.540806561859194,13.300068352699931,6.05967700443912,-0.9781766233766236,519,8,130,5,19,184,71,154,0.13,0.752,0.118,-0.1792,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,1,0,3,0,14,4,0,4,1,23,36,14,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,11,7,1,3,4,1,0,4,9,4,0,0,1,6,15,4,16,34,1,11,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,75,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234795599056787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360538845091789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606262376907566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494151841800256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495410238810754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183371752218378,0.0,0.0758435212816471,0.1119327253015734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586387978416357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889935679614974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558532797839953,0.0,0.0,0.07334141415344883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181003133117014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443827277305148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503683258503656,0.0,0.1394283373946641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334875407250512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612593099801043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033886477400766,0.0,0.11664242919733048,0.0,0.15261333703722088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533827836933341,0.0,0.0,0.14826944557144714,0.362419035461986,0.0,0.0,0.1389276417928393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041915571186915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359984050586301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pepsi-Cokee,2019/03/17,"Don’t know if this is the right place to post it but here. So I’ve been depressed for a long time now. At times it feels so goddamn hopeless. I’ve heavily considered suicide and a few months ago I made the choice I was going to take my life in June. Knowing that I’ll be dead soon is one of the only things that keeps me going, if I’m being honest. But at the same time I keep doubting myself.. like one part of me keeps telling me, “no one would notice your dead.” But then there’s times where I’ll be talking to a friend and she’ll say something like, “I really care for you, ya know?” And it makes me reconsider everything. I don’t like to think about it because it’ll probably convince me not to commit suicide, but I also really want to die. ",2.611730769230768,3.821927224358973,3.927435897435899,90.05923076923081,74.83333333333333,6.9948717948717976,23.89743589743589,7.492282038375204,0.8762282051282053,581,17,129,7,12,191,97,156,0.267,0.594,0.139,-0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,6,16.0,0,3,0,0,9,10,0,1,7,0,12,1,0,2,1,25,28,13,5,4,7,0,1,3,1,3,1,1,0,0,9,3,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,3,0,3,3,2,17,7,14,19,3,20,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,3,14,83,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449600631279766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231380473364608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561396003258243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431930236124366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120965060829726,0.0,0.14575972228600756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622289766380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710132049292715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850744795978172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596362444423412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745018704119234,0.0,0.0,0.2315546744078997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920044721435813,0.2058429783410889,0.0,0.0,0.1242893932530661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328924417730172,0.093748118870774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210184807237528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598975476672933,0.0,0.0,0.2855074722094573,0.10681474070890916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208823380534184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673511840166795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450747421266726,0.0,0.1514234492134231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994530893568425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993925084805356,0.0,0.11168749008604514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812141190845198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30724803954803875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559715103844036,0.11288435995697314,0.12275510831403967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330540823429488,0.08999147624568786,0.0,0.0,0.3275784035592623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283809167290566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976808864263688,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BloodyBird5,2019/03/17,"GF might breakup with me she is the only one I have Last night my girlfriend went through my phone and found lewd pictures of her old friend from high school taken off of Instagram. This happened once years ago before I realized how shitty it was to keep those pictures and do things with them and I hadn’t since then. I realize that I’m a terrible person.

 We’ve always been incredibly close and even after the first time we only grew closer, I’ve confided with her in everything. She was and still is the love of my life, but we had been struggling with rent and school already. She loved me with everything but since the new year things had been different. She had been really distant for the past week before and was talking with this other guy from our high school on Snapchat. She said they were just good friends but he had been messaging her every single day of just pictures of his face and she planned on seeing him on Friday while visiting her family back home since we live near our college.

I felt so scared and angry that I started screenshooting those pictures again Thursday night from her phone and airdropped them to mine. I realized when I opened them up on my phone how wrong it was and how much I didn’t want to hurt her so I deleted them. I forgot iPhone keeps deleted photos. On Friday she had a panic attack and came home early and we reconciled completely, I completely forgot about Thursday. Last night she looked through my photos while I was asleep and found them. I told her what happened but I was afraid to tell her why because she’s already so mentally stressed I didn’t want to blame her for it so I just told her I didn’t do anything with them and deleted them right away. Since then she hasn’t said anything to me more than what she has to, I lost my only person I’ve ever felt safe with and I messed it all up. I love her but I don’t know if she can ever trust me again and I don’t know how to function right now. 

I know I made the mistake and that’s mine to own up to, but I just needed somewhere to put this down or I think I’d go crazy.
",3.972489919354839,5.330033310096155,4.109894540942928,89.49800868486349,71.66826923076924,7.194665012406948,25.43858560794045,7.601502580125103,1.1230670905707196,1651,50,342,19,31,510,193,416,0.121,0.7979999999999999,0.08,-0.9576,2,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,6,0,8,3,22,20,1,5,8,0,32,6,2,5,3,75,66,39,0,5,12,0,2,0,4,1,1,2,3,3,17,33,0,5,12,0,1,6,7,12,0,2,36,6,78,8,47,29,5,58,0,2,2,3,61,20,0,3,32,240,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239288343099018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802431689891364,0.0,0.06795350069619538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344099937005275,0.0,0.0,0.09290802214101536,0.07672885117357975,0.06279689538665675,0.0,0.04978345580927345,0.0,0.13898523351726638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340531157908903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125262795555327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266847008777075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532465125825109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394029478147396,0.14774498555055765,0.06880798444025152,0.0,0.14679409866271495,0.0,0.0769883958388019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682628763055115,0.0,0.0,0.06946592329210476,0.0,0.17908733865317766,0.1261914701393796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641324801311115,0.0684984195408463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808631869093158,0.14443574757816002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257137545500775,0.16383735437418254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874262312183256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517879489938965,0.0,0.0,0.13464617097993456,0.13313903828684567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768382957962325,0.0,0.0,0.07211347258502816,0.0,0.06857972626321962,0.0,0.08914919670872846,0.0,0.2211230151261253,0.07727530650229973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230114526507612,0.08663579974372355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003465452620513,0.060555058612912924,0.0,0.07887451431712397,0.0,0.2299168907005948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569579690420742,0.08697270822200823,0.05533968455824876,0.18633434039859528,0.0,0.0958186487925761,0.0,0.0,0.07796040893659384,0.0,0.1426169791231049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209790908189281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052317982558430905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948637329984587,0.15536807023764426,0.0,0.08176293135705197,0.2479541448485822,0.06507803941398077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27022320291168633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057804335262938066,0.0,0.06521938559981738,0.0,0.09354929252284107,0.08537609841085582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564085510514117,0.07138057283869148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851187506874924,0.05232892718878415,0.0,0.0,0.047620694602429584,0.0,0.0,0.15607266980303153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633864557960334,0.0,0.06550835529036611,0.0,0.0,0.07570614332892897,0.07369178072348932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929006323822795,0.0,0.10518176331159583
suicidewatch,nyancait,2019/03/17,"Who do I turn to? I can't stand discussing my mental health problems publicly but at this point I don't feel I have an option because - contrary to what my brain is screaming at me whenever I hit a low point - I don't actually want to die. I'm worried that one of these days I'm going to fall into a psychological hole deep enough that I'm just going to kill myself without stopping to remember that there are points between these sporadic dips in my functionality where I remember that my future still isn't decided and the possibility that I will lead a happy life doesn't seem nonexistent. The issue, really, is that these 'mental health dips' used to be one or two days between several weeks of feeling fine, whereas now it's half and half - one week I'm fine, the next I'm in a fog so bad that I've gone as far as scoping out high locations in my city and counting out tablets, wondering how many it would take.

​

When I spoke with a student support advisor (I'm fortunate enough to study at a university where mental health recovery resources are ample) all she could tell me was that I need to establish a 'Support Person', somebody that I care enough about that they act as a preventative measure against suicide, presumably because I'm supposed to believe that my death would have that sincere an impact on someone. To be honest, the closest thing I have to that is two younger brothers - one very rarely acknowledges my existence and the other is young enough that I can't imagine it would affect him for long. My parents and I have a complex relationship and while I'm not naive enough to think that they wouldn't be upset by my death, I can't bring myself to believe that they would be so profoundly affected that I should keep living for them. I have friends - close friends, even, despite crippling anxiety that seems to perpetually isolate me from my peers - but, again, we aren't so close that my death would have a long-lasting impact.

​

I don't know what else I can resort to, to be honest. I used to think that I could never be suicidal, or that the prospect of death was far too terrifying to ever resort to it, but I'm at that point. I want to recover but I don't know how.",11.33523364485982,7.299431939252338,10.47474299065421,67.6085163551402,59.046728971962615,13.50373831775701,44.27336448598129,10.9516,4.690146728971961,1762,75,332,30,16,567,209,428,0.147,0.718,0.135,-0.8859,1,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,1,0,4,1,17,17,1,1,18,0,42,5,1,7,3,65,77,22,8,13,9,2,2,0,2,8,4,2,0,1,35,13,0,3,16,0,0,7,14,6,0,8,4,4,46,11,48,56,6,49,0,1,0,0,18,25,0,6,16,234,81,2,0.0,0.0,0.07245900379363664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090349516693284,0.18044802379639527,0.0,0.0,0.05680239079559145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061997115516912026,0.09052636365761876,0.0,0.0,0.16731260636620085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288951723527106,0.0,0.0,0.07570461478385151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856797193484797,0.0,0.0,0.09577248101703316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706160082581699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202781511597845,0.0,0.0,0.3836095681380841,0.0,0.04904258515011807,0.06716496511300851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508783861269462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147334463892226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439796916194578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904237593015542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23677843626090625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845105787345445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774995429957363,0.0,0.06599837319845553,0.08214856770128375,0.0,0.08161364748651398,0.0605250921267679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244621178665107,0.0,0.0,0.06556566170151189,0.13142093658709206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527962722661352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448492027898626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055056736903747065,0.05726753240000732,0.0,0.07896758583525823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012596485149892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824477889389344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648337701048281,0.0,0.0,0.2807676422525284,0.08370769937781747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104890343835336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047567576797624,0.0,0.0,0.07971859897063864,0.16822553211464508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519202156895008,0.0,0.08388335037923488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291327266873095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059297548978467514,0.06207779354535922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243874101040814,0.16852002762314208,0.0,0.0,0.05582808044667198,0.0,0.06489930831279139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329567945611885,0.09515505533913762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076458958285003,0.1450663545859715,0.0,0.0,0.1282593554644795,0.0,0.061265475718888435,0.08759122003737102,0.0,0.11912056118296868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157604397536635,0.08052286299453662,0.0,0.07540626340209962,0.0,0.2637315885882303,0.0,0.18044802379639527,0.0
suicidewatch,not-your-furry,2019/03/17,"Wish to die by accident. My ideal way to die is to get into a car accident, or catch some fatal disease. That way nobody can blame themselves and it wouldn’t look like committing suicide.

Most people I know think of me as stupid or brain dead, so maybe I could get away with running into a busy street without people thinking of it as a suicide attempt?

Or my second most ideal way to die is if I could just run away from home and not leave a trace of where I’m at, and go drown in the ocean, or die from salt poisoning or hypothermia. Then they could find my body washed up at the beach. Or it’ll just drift away and sink. 

Either way, I don’t know how the people around me could handle the guilt. So fatal accident is appealing. ",4.995735735735735,5.1247990540540584,5.413873873873875,85.53713213213216,68.5945945945946,8.469669669669669,26.579579579579573,8.167268648758528,1.4528894894894893,572,15,120,7,9,183,90,148,0.322,0.601,0.077,-0.994,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,3,7,8,2,1,8,0,11,4,2,1,1,38,21,17,10,9,12,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,5,1,0,6,4,5,0,1,0,2,10,3,24,15,4,23,0,0,1,0,1,12,0,10,2,80,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695566943352136,0.0,0.0,0.3386441796168861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345544170138046,0.0,0.13412299295015245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837081405310585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987715160628522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981153123631547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554295397889215,0.0,0.06828190463931239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051652369356852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205851634290974,0.0,0.0,0.12721757197645964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058697407834325525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089262289018193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070309575581058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498829262636556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26284107860746386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396978100617825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814661264758409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381623026024046,0.11581673487444183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Me-the-vampire-queen,2019/03/17,"I’m giving up Today the woman I call my mother said I was a waste of life
I can’t take it anymore ",-2.515000000000001,-0.8796858333333315,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,94.83333333333331,3.2,12.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.5857333333333334,76,1,19,0,3,29,21,24,0.132,0.755,0.113,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112987250769853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234836468833982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978448781729346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929346441100935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945012899872865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118238347418267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39311364139305605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,21Chromosomes,2019/03/17,"Nothing matters What is the point really anymore?

my last 3-4 months have been so shit. All of my previous interest like football, fashion, art etc don't interstest me any longer. I actually dont care for all of that. I'm also constantly ignored by all of my friends, like I'm the guy you always forget about and never invite to anything. I really dont have any true friends no more and the friends I have makes fun of me all the time and lowkey talks shit about me behind my back. On top of that my gf dosen't want to see me anymore because I've lied constantly about how I feel and what I've done in the past (I've lied about being this big-shot guy who've gotten laid a bunch of times and have so many friends.) - even my friends have found out about my lies now and they've embarrassed me. I can't come to tell them how I actually feel. She was really the only light in my life. 

My mom and dad is always disappointed in me. I have a little sister who's the complete opposite of me. She's smart, got loads of friends, gets good grades and is happy all the time. So at least they'll still have her if I commit suicide. In school I'm a fucking loser who can't even talk the the fucking teacher. Exams are very soon and I'm 100% failing all my classes. Oh and did I tell you guys that I have anxiety? Everyday when I wake up my I feel like my life is pointless. I'm thinking if I end it all, I wouldn't think about anything anymore. No stress and no anxiety. Sorry for rambling and my poor English certainly dosen't help me. I can't bare to talk to anyone I know irl about this and I probably never will. 

I'm just so tired about being a complete loser and a person nobody really cares about. And no talking to my mother about it or some bullshit is not gonna work. I don't have that type of a mother-son relationship. ",2.91053050397878,4.194941644562334,4.222175066312996,87.94610079575598,74.19893899204244,7.322015915119362,25.9973474801061,7.873277556716777,1.3480429708222816,1428,49,307,20,29,471,184,377,0.197,0.685,0.118,-0.9802,0,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,2,2,5,25,29,4,2,16,0,31,8,3,3,12,50,56,26,1,4,5,4,3,3,7,4,3,0,0,4,12,17,0,1,7,1,1,1,15,11,0,0,7,5,47,18,37,43,12,29,0,4,1,2,32,11,4,4,20,194,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.1616245413995703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622448430190303,0.13781193189208524,0.0,0.0,0.11262958760935325,0.0,0.12670144332763916,0.0,0.24638085425547154,0.05790386412396666,0.0,0.1362939415018967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367708345704752,0.0,0.050481241959947715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886408873517628,0.0,0.0,0.07133494445680963,0.1736529778330661,0.17898005047679552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474511780450282,0.19410938465049893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334658387213154,0.0,0.0923569326198561,0.10939268992038384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256162468955394,0.05916069299953336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090798751588777,0.3838806708272493,0.15311615923385896,0.043265693840713035,0.0,0.0,0.06945852260564346,0.06623207921345084,0.0,0.0,0.24598979948241695,0.0,0.08815459150685788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055506935012444365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045511143047596084,0.06750258591751915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698470147759105,0.12137283675977795,0.08299907597038622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527745089941415,0.08395806311306565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698805885137632,0.06609950660552545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773897206200713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794600568713547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298202733016219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790531352805678,0.0,0.07230797976633414,0.0,0.0,0.0782838209246963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928501584605528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220517486827467,0.0,0.0,0.0889087713401412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380985863407779,0.06599020097203095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700100342027237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270091508004476,0.0,0.0,0.06613352832629638,0.0,0.09486051930825948,0.0,0.0,0.090582555813569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662436213119018,0.1447621467868622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061247835040583,0.0,0.0,0.14486449970864973,0.09517986379565273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832832290168367,0.04884448456360164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028790181693852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheDrugDealingHijabi,2019/03/17,"I feel like I'm underwater with my feet bound together. I feel like I'm underwater with my feet bound together. 

I can't swim. I can't float. I can only go down. 

I'm barely conscious as I feel myself being dragged down deep under. 

Away from all traces of subsistence. An abyss where I will not found.

. 

I'm to be kept in a void where no pain nor harm can reach me. 

A peaceful state of being where all is vacant and still.

Some call it hell, but that's a fib which they preach to the breathing.

It's their scheme to gain slaves so their masters can bathe in sin.

.

The tattered remains of my skin are soothed by the oceans salted broth.

Like an old friend we embrace sharing stories with tears and grins.

It asks me a final question. A deal to lose joy for no sadness.

And I finally become free, having shed my old skin.",1.5546420978029758,3.767636831325305,2.5772714386959628,93.97683557760456,81.28915662650603,5.3516654854712975,21.210489014883066,6.522977012572876,0.2231407512402548,638,19,138,6,17,202,107,166,0.139,0.648,0.213,0.9427,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,3,3,5,14,1,0,10,0,12,6,5,0,2,21,23,7,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,3,6,2,1,2,6,6,0,0,2,6,19,9,20,17,3,18,3,2,0,0,10,10,1,2,8,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774540940634694,0.0,0.17834014647523605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096389349829144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382527816599796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569389917741145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879328702167733,0.2712118624835924,0.0,0.4158724181472992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20812550767256474,0.14665282305394106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787787543337883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782062839662481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123576539398852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398363868048395,0.0,0.0,0.14436505109347295,0.20197960724087013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212639467215476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515888039895656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jesuschristreddit201,2019/03/17,"Any Endgame holdouts? Saw the post with game of thrones, thought some people would have an Avengers movie to live for too. It is quite a funny thing if you think about it.",3.33818181818182,5.563379181818185,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,75.36363636363637,4.4,26.15151515151515,3.1291,-0.0433757575757574,135,5,30,0,3,36,32,33,0.0,0.907,0.093,0.4927,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833930683622093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679833127647812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28891053518078397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399115494349944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432473708022154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768592180541212,0.2670259979180879,0.0,0.33083984703663644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960355196024125,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EternalNirvana_420,2019/03/17,"How can I not get attached to people? i have a problem, I get very attached to people. Sadly the hard truth is about 80% of the time things with people don’t go as planned. I’ve accepted that but wish it wasn’t reality. My dad told me never let yourself get attached to anyone, I’ve tried not to but sometimes I can’t fucking help it. This does not help my suicidal thoughts at all. What should I do? I’m currently very attached to someone and just the thought of them leaving my life makes me wanna cry or kill myself. Obviously this isn’t what I want. ",1.4514306784660749,3.744042690265488,3.0152433628318605,90.21690634218292,82.27433628318585,5.5365781710914455,25.34587020648968,6.816661863887847,1.0172542772861353,436,18,90,5,12,143,74,113,0.126,0.701,0.173,0.6979,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,2,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,4,23,22,6,2,5,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,1,13,2,12,16,1,5,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,3,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259318493273544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783412944706724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576089035992373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650185083451574,0.2822883543381839,0.0,0.1023563961221277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133645623828702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414378066943952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992567219328141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070253326561173,0.0,0.18416699940650594,0.12721171568568812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202198112886215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890614405719412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745811708080779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233376055351604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260025620435422,0.0,0.1781259688483076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700289338167912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965209227927955,0.0,0.0,0.2859625204861486,0.10501921087186633,0.0,0.0,0.17209564831235674,0.0,0.122277769178826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972068339350817,0.10622911551061427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710897636817016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway-icus,2019/03/17,"I want to die a painless death I want to kill myself. But I'm too much of a pussy to do it in a way that is painful. As soon as I find a quick and painless way, I will end it all.",0.1403787878787881,-0.04493256818181735,2.7345454545454544,101.58015151515154,79.22727272727272,5.866666666666667,21.484848484848484,3.1291,-0.5854606060606065,133,3,41,0,3,47,30,44,0.312,0.547,0.142,-0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,4,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,7,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366254888180166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28727902009841616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29645125425022417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588467078519374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384355597557782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451327007612857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826216552118177,0.5149100025040871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EdgeLordJulian,2019/03/17,"I'm surprised I'm still alive Guess I'm just too afraid to do it. Still, surprised.",-1.91,-0.8163014444444414,-0.7238888888888884,108.2675,119.0,1.8,15.611111111111107,3.1291,-1.5881555555555549,66,2,16,0,4,20,12,18,0.0,0.652,0.348,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5677656884376082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8231902107246956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orangeponcho3,2019/03/17,"I want to die  

Why do we as a society, think that suicide is bad? If you really think about it, it just doesn't make sense. You don't ask to be born, it just kinda happens, there's a shit ton of luck involved, where you are born, to what parents, and stuff like that. And i got lucky, i got fucking lucky, i'm well aware of that. And it's a shame to throw that all away, but sometimes it just doesn't work out you know? It's a shame really. I don't hate myself. I know that i'm a good guy, i'm not the smartest guy, but i'm certainly not stupid. But the truth is i just don't give a fuck. I don't, i find life really boring and shit and i want out. And i believe that, that's my right. Sure my family would miss me, i don't have any friends so....yeah i know that the period after my death will be really shitty for my family but fuck it. Fuck it. That's all i can say. I have some plans in my mind of how to kill myself but i need some time to think this through, because if you fuck up suicide then....well....i'm sorry for you. I don't know about you guys, but being a vegetable doesn't sound fun to me. Because it's not like you're pickle Rick and you can move and talk and do fun shit, no you're fucking brain dead. I know that hanging has that risk, and even if i didn't know that, it still wouldn't be my go to way. Grasping for air, alone outside or home is really fucking depressing. Even more than my life, and trust me my life is fucking depressing. Now i know that this is a pro life subreddit so i know what kind of messages i'm about to receive so let's debunk some of them

''life can get better'' sure but that's not a guarantee. And before you say ''but you won't found out if you don't stick around'' yeah i know. I won't you're right. Some things you don't have to find out. And that's okay.

''but your family'' yeah my family....i know. That's the most painful thing about this but as i said, it's my life and it's my right.

''professional help SEEK IT'' ehhhhh yeah okay, i could try it but i don't want life enough to care about getting help. So it's a waste of time.

i know there's a bunch more but you get my point. If you want to talk to me just send me a message and we can talk i guess. I'm not going to kill myself today or tomorrow or in one week. Suicide takes time to plan out, i'm thinking of writing here often and give update on my progress and document my last days. That seem interesting for some reason.",-0.4022727272727238,1.5946608939393982,1.5639696969696963,99.52345454545456,87.78787878787878,5.11090909090909,16.186363636363634,6.508806274219699,-0.5558559090909089,1864,39,465,21,60,614,200,528,0.217,0.649,0.134,-0.9959,1,1,0,0,0,6,75.0,2,15,1,5,25,45,15,3,16,5,40,21,4,3,6,106,95,43,8,13,30,1,0,2,1,5,8,4,1,3,40,25,1,0,21,0,0,7,22,24,1,1,5,4,67,21,47,79,13,40,0,3,0,8,40,17,11,21,17,286,107,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302469768497336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138169469198055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054171506006651785,0.056888746500879474,0.0,0.05717279974465224,0.0,0.05080918269433357,0.07419007338299351,0.0,0.05178088034558327,0.06855977663675697,0.0,0.053818971435498304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793136405681875,0.0,0.0,0.06204304137839418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048585661586876085,0.0,0.0,0.03924474102151264,0.0,0.10482410504455374,0.0,0.06315514717791444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287675956635577,0.0,0.08038482590419949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209858106683604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112359177493644,0.0,0.0,0.0667214769478162,0.047014385993089616,0.4500562446025004,0.09537854685376154,0.11675026623769184,0.06916760237031137,0.05104007636416261,0.09733838999152958,0.0,0.06703574024006717,0.18076022465481434,0.05381154510950576,0.0,0.0,0.06007911180748207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815761146507768,0.0,0.06103988336237556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464825095850685,0.06336837358945445,0.3678715501528661,0.04960279906282795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222566574874139,0.3008727734916519,0.05945878321201897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406194259434639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061443541257325526,0.0,0.0,0.06467643330737066,0.0,0.045121257345162286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041235137171849415,0.0,0.06475120641940975,0.0,0.06756934957400458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575251538354818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491791510670595,0.0625663658276041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590276080907658,0.05788453385229717,0.09678448564104004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055397707340426934,0.0,0.0,0.18739223358479312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018454464939255,0.0681192401913946,0.0,0.0,0.04859677703152621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966139874625782,0.19968783063102208,0.0,0.1147052670863109,0.0,0.045753405061484266,0.14673247702499964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085521428161999,0.15596695267852598,0.0,0.0,0.1064505096021859,0.0,0.05768092642675386,0.0,0.0,0.04131476115668628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435692052506647,0.048301774630479855,0.048812096380080536,0.0,0.1094271678267537,0.0,0.054909794134668455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044301246227797936,0.0,0.0,0.04322777392180726,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noxchiali,2019/03/17,What's the most painless way to kill yourself? I don't like the idea of hanging or bleeding to death. Is there anything that's easy to take a shit load of and slip away after falling unconscious?,4.030769230769232,5.593420794871792,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.8205128205128,6.2256410256410275,30.948717948717945,6.42735559955562,1.5234717948717948,157,7,31,1,3,48,34,39,0.334,0.555,0.111,-0.8974,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,3,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216374908489337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672178606328527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412237813136297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324192874563861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909503056039555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012034593580559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938716942039933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31023973679431543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chensuai,2019/03/17,"Why can’t I go through with it Maybe it might a survival instinct that prevents me from taking my life. I sure as hell know it’s not because I want to keep living, or have something to live for. I know if I take my life all my problems will be solved. I don’t give a shit about how my death will affect anyone close to me. ",1.2920476190476191,2.7466091571428564,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,78.85714285714286,4.666666666666667,21.666666666666664,3.1291,-0.4301904761904761,251,7,60,0,6,80,52,70,0.22,0.701,0.078,-0.9066,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,2,0,7,3,1,2,2,16,15,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,9,11,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378941345110934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427934583640521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470896065760407,0.13312672031229433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820754473364275,0.0,0.0,0.2574696365443408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33090806507742204,0.0,0.0,0.4136849070706453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353303903046149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484967196921136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414064201908845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404489251637149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803330943193888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207729556388495,0.0,0.3522458810322882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381636544992298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136950120188933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,attackonqynn,2019/03/17,"This year keeps getting progressively worse and I’m not sure how much longer I want to stay for it. My first and last remaining dog dies in my arms. 

My best friend of 6 years suddenly ghosts and blocks me everywhere with no explanation - only for me to find out why from someone else.

I have to quit my dream job, put my career on hold, and find something else to better support my household. 

After an all night and early morning argument on attentiveness/commitment/insecurities and needs, I’m pretty sure my relationship is about to end.

At this point, I am really not sure how much longer I want to stay to watch the shit show. I am sick of being so intimately familiar with loss and pain. I would rather simply not exist than have to go through  any more of this trash that I am meant to call my life.

I hate it. I want to be done.",4.272052845528453,5.589529823170736,4.993658536585368,83.60235772357726,70.89024390243901,8.637398373983741,25.252032520325198,9.075114841892004,1.7348227642276428,657,19,136,13,12,212,107,164,0.154,0.7040000000000001,0.142,-0.27,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,6,5,11,2,0,2,0,10,5,2,2,4,31,22,10,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,10,0,3,3,2,0,2,4,4,0,1,2,1,19,7,27,17,5,19,0,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,9,85,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382333289392714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447894623386913,0.12202195464894923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408812969656802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318955378081052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118970987418672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305100094801049,0.0,0.12219916811088218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522014774513967,0.11735596282714925,0.0,0.0,0.10659414556765504,0.0,0.07208286352221087,0.0,0.07841069621445602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621536162406686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691247910367946,0.12263277050144332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246276798432264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745125435687227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284549174685293,0.10230191827566988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294741210254162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493128567650904,0.1468082455392769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042485809859095,0.0,0.0,0.14036359761368547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869648181148314,0.0,0.14674651665079275,0.0,0.0,0.08838617447724173,0.0,0.0,0.14812657007266508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162271542389498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169002894280394,0.1062149164564418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941121956023339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656505509812546,0.3901011258225985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441322444225576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449514048617225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406017210765138,0.09800888661321844,0.0,0.0,0.17769442224764312
suicidewatch,greekmatthew,2019/03/17,"Yeahhhhhh, today is the inevitable day I’m feelin’. My long term girlfriend just unexpectedly dumped me the other day. That’s the icing on the cake. 

Been having too many other issues regarding finances, depression, family, and self-esteem. 

Thinking about taking a bunch of benzos to knock me out since I have zero tolerance and tying a plastic bag to my head right beforehand. That should work...I hope. 

Anyways, I hate to do the shitty thing, but I quite literally can’t function anymore. ",4.517126436781608,7.496395655172418,5.67655172413793,71.58195402298853,75.20689655172413,7.544827586206896,26.90804597701149,8.515128840125781,2.5767839080459773,390,15,58,8,9,129,70,87,0.106,0.851,0.043,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,7,0,7,1,1,0,0,8,12,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,7,1,7,10,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428874726444337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31589671021266424,0.0,0.21094284910944835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23088178685937294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180047158521045,0.2513509677324003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24325345639341114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556251066627785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167399292576853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483029189010311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26049467920936265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915400794577144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554972378159561,0.0,0.0,0.20259421975015646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414378288325955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627090377606428,0.15693009423234824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321484920774738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829927752627028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xcvi-,2019/03/17,"What happens if a police officer catches you attempting suicide? From what I've read online, unassisted suicide is not illegal in most first-world countries. However, a person from my state was convicted last year for attempting it. 

​

I guess my question is what happens if police catches you in the act? Will they detain you, even if you don't show any signs of mental instability ? Will they ever let you walk free if you agree not to commit suicide? Is a mental institution always involved?  Any insight would be appreciated. ",5.4882860520094585,8.451216882978724,6.183333333333337,69.33388888888891,71.65957446808511,8.433096926713949,33.84869976359338,9.150863307647796,3.808545153664304,433,22,62,10,9,141,65,94,0.175,0.7140000000000001,0.11,-0.8452,1,0,0,0,0,4,16.0,0,6,2,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,2,14,13,4,3,5,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,11,2,7,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,7,3,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383343282858274,0.18729382281427215,0.2100439158331794,0.23510156198385426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417245155464775,0.15636183741256365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703469445055162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904248648646803,0.0,0.30571919304361256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090403528957046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676114187572622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484046039695063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093475300579326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364284878643975,0.0,0.17290685687344715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5672426085974022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227948401551484,0.0,0.2100439158331794,0.1113162231016403
suicidewatch,MyDudeMcthulhu,2019/03/17,"Why do we ask for things that we know will hurt us? Last night, I was catching up with an old friend. She is extremely close with my ex. We broke up about a month ago now. I stayed away from asking things about her, but I got curious later on and was digging for answers I didn't need to know. My friend does not have a poker face, but when I ask certain questions, you can get the answer without words. And, I sure did. 

My last relationship was two and a half years long, and it took her less than a few weeks to go sleep around just like she used to before we were together(learned over the relationship how she used to be). I had been keeping it together for a while since the breakup, working on myself, then last night it all fell apart. I don't know why I am so torn up about it. I had immediate suicidal thoughts. Tears down my face. I couldn't keep feeling hurt. Ended up at home drinking, cutting and the finally in bed at 430am. I did have support around me. Beyond lucky for a friend that stayed up to text me throughout. But, I cannot escape the thoughts. They barate my mind.

I don't blame my ex for moving on quickly. I don't blame my friend for giving me the answers I looked for. It was shitty of me to put her in that situation and ask the questions. 

I just don't know of I can keep going like this. It hurts. Every time I feel like I can stand on my own, the rug is pulled from under me. And I have no one to blame, but myself. Why do we ask for things we know will hurt us? I want to be better, stronger, but I feel so lost. I can't do this again.",1.6148000846202668,3.3190401288343594,2.657328115083562,96.03297546012271,78.69325153374233,5.723545589168607,20.443833298074885,6.48374012150746,-0.047005796488258415,1206,30,283,10,29,383,160,326,0.13,0.7120000000000001,0.157,0.8669,0,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,8,1,1,3,15,19,1,0,15,0,34,4,3,3,3,57,65,18,1,3,9,2,3,3,4,2,0,0,3,0,14,18,1,3,15,2,0,8,11,7,0,3,16,4,55,12,47,44,4,54,0,6,1,0,32,22,0,3,24,197,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217933083989997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449729970430993,0.3806120914030397,0.0,0.07650250786187686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692876196972219,0.0,0.0,0.07201477457376843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125653491169613,0.0,0.0,0.07976658556709389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211936220760247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860500698351138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351445876215078,0.05817082707388705,0.0,0.0891983200856833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516384329696275,0.0,0.04254178014209047,0.07811134141249293,0.09255266608868264,0.0,0.0651238961433401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167702434854036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486733263337182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171257954789901,0.0,0.0,0.22374829451182487,0.1991194348828461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934204859087533,0.0,0.0,0.07205954231948157,0.0683774221478748,0.0,0.08888621447831481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221715604437893,0.0,0.06499354171611217,0.08654306540302133,0.0,0.0603764265560377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528257708312731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544300189719714,0.0,0.05517643739267904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818557275251347,0.18243175004519946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484233198620291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735651710217164,0.09152635583053008,0.0814849119093717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357879183818298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906694500998166,0.09240138122240962,0.07674314216079645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228766197947014,0.0,0.0,0.12928646706578878,0.04748021777321808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046740087507603,0.0,0.0,0.07954147481283019,0.0,0.19589116185444566,0.1406520253618381,0.0,0.0,0.04802722755605362,0.0,0.06531511144722439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042318950146067,0.0,0.0,0.07849186140118516,0.0,0.05927917563893774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052435743215207685
suicidewatch,yungin101,2019/03/17,"I don’t want to try anymore I’ve tried so hard to make it work.   I’ve tried taking care of myself.  I’ve tried exercising.  Ive tried positive attitudes and outlooks.  I’ve tried love.   That shot me thru the heart numerous times.  I’ve tried to be successful.  make something out of myself.  I’ve gotten back up when I fell.  Ive pushed and pushed and nothing has changed.   If anything it’s gotten worse.   I’m a 30 yr old man that is ready to just die.   Because I’m exhausted.  It gets to a point where your telling yourself ... what are u doing ?   Why do u keep taking another crack at this game of life ?  
At the same time I’m afraid to die.   I just want to dissapear and not exist.  So I don’t have to feel this.  ",-0.7229684601113178,1.4506183265306165,1.4648886827458265,96.46111781076068,97.02721088435374,4.849598021026593,18.24644403215832,6.574015621080383,0.03682585034013552,542,17,124,8,22,180,88,147,0.102,0.762,0.135,0.6116,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,2,9,5,0,1,4,0,11,5,1,2,0,16,27,8,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,2,10,3,16,24,1,14,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,61,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467371509058745,0.0,0.0,0.13878085238391838,0.0,0.0,0.1151570163612484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076036522342082,0.0,0.08530488064631896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426760750699501,0.0,0.14803580498515406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904670151437081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075683648436147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311180759162975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253569242025245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658271546011758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438328727836055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884231854783684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629947109172365,0.0,0.18681934787375287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427424533133756,0.0,0.14684134735063686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228660273091944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773107720577164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043185860103367,0.0,0.12231194374690635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319789790882122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.665060816383321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650780671852283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262722415919745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187650044329978,0.0,0.14260873494891893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jkljhkgsfs,2019/03/17,"Someone please talk to me I have no one, no friends, nobody to talk to. I'm just tired of being lonely all the time... ",-1.537399999999998,0.3975007599999998,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,101.4,2.5,14.25,3.1291,-1.5391999999999997,89,2,21,0,4,29,20,25,0.304,0.528,0.168,-0.5267,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874493900408892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521146406132523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084055448186394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152416740407722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980887215560571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694873039632132,0.4276234132853331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A_a97,2019/03/17,"My time has arrived I'm almost 22 years old and i'm suffering for severe depression since i was 13 . Also im on a strong medication called Accutane . I dont see light anymore and i'm planning to to it in the next days . Im alone and ill ... what else should i do?
",-0.6669924812030104,1.4030370877193017,2.4909774436090224,91.70684210526319,90.40350877192984,6.064160401002509,20.423558897243108,7.447530270364453,0.740871679197995,202,7,47,4,7,72,43,57,0.239,0.706,0.055,-0.872,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,5,9,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,5,7,0,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,5,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832148503050145,0.23615208430595375,0.0,0.1823414361003348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612703476740645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23282615652238176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470491367781242,0.0,0.1963867483784827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672288378749004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904751045849072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925850441888981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296985076489465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24249377706863276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392606608712397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816963641262218,0.0,0.0,0.2575891139570593,0.0,0.18861421576972007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295586567052947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683251169054218
suicidewatch,Psychotic_Psychopath,2019/03/17,"I hate myself so much Im a 17 year old highschool drop out with no reason to live. I have no friends, no real interests or passions, and really no desire to live anymore. I live with 5 other people yet im so alone and no one speaks to me, my mother who i don't live with hasn't spoken to me in many months. I can't even remember the last time i left my house. I can't stand to look at myself or think about how much of a failure i am and a waste of space. Suicide doesnt sound too scary anymore.",0.012181818181815627,1.766493309090908,2.362727272727273,95.93409090909093,84.0909090909091,5.090909090909091,18.18181818181818,6.11248444174946,-0.3490000000000002,384,9,92,3,11,131,71,110,0.252,0.631,0.117,-0.9338,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,2,0,15,10,8,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,1,0,1,0,3,14,3,14,10,2,13,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,2,6,60,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311853567009982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123877639707213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402473612114772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168115168047985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554948631627192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817294364670983,0.0,0.0,0.3402457841404651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838040078684615,0.0,0.0,0.17112005153601753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562880208073041,0.0,0.1322571179244309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967639824810473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571194176470468,0.0,0.2315556160941731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526573864244742,0.0,0.10672348207441656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918801493916497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926512385849006,0.10089608060319294,0.16193229560594705,0.0,0.0,0.17841246065536462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227524933418487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009171875009037,0.0,0.0,0.09183728435286348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014223709526675
suicidewatch,iamtooMLG,2019/03/17,"I will kill myself tomorrow night I got scammed out of $5000 USD Bitcoin hoping someone that was offering background removal checks online would do it for me because someone doxxed me, and it made me scared. Was also hoping he would hack a video game for me, was hoping to give it to my girl, as she looks up to people who make mods and cheats codes. This person tricked me into giving them my drivers license ID front and back. I trusted this person because they seemed like a good person, but I ruined it all. After I gave him what he wanted, he began threatening to swat my family, use my identity to pay bills, and asked for my social security number. I didn’t give him my SSN, as that is too far. He threatened to swat my family if I didn’t pay him further. I gave them a call to make sure they were okay, and told them to call 911 to notify them of a possible swatter. Is he a skid? Is he just an internet tough guy? Probably. As it’s been 24 hours and I do not see any swat team pulling up or anything threatening occurring. 

What makes me want to kill myself? Using $5000 Bitcoin and wasting it, having my drivers license basically stolen, and girlfriend is pissed. Girlfriend found out because I HAD to tell her ya know, I did, she got extremely mad, and is not really talking to me. I know how most relationships end, and it’s always because of money, kids, or cheating. I can’t tell you guys how much I love her, and to have things fall apart over a stupid mistake I made with good intentions, I may have potentially ruined my life and my relationship. 

I’ve been thinking, and I decided to just head out the house while she is asleep tomorrow night, and just shoot myself in the car. Will probably be around 12 hours after she wakes up before she finds me. When she’s mad, she doesn’t talk to me for hours. I know how this is going to end anyways. I’m in my early twenties but I still had a MARVELOUS LIFE! 

I know it’s getting close to April fools, so a lot of you may be thinking I’m a kid just trying to get attention, but all I ask is to at least pretend for one minute that I’m not a kid, and that I’m a real life adult with fear in his mind right now, asking for help and advice. 

I know some of you ladies and gentlemen will clown me, but honestly I don’t care. I feel too tired of life to even respond back. 

For kids reading this, please be careful about hacks or cheat code scams you see online. 100% of them are fake unless you’re friends with someone from Anonymous. I ruined my life now. Stay safe. ",3.700022345179825,4.8460013346456705,4.584279633964672,86.64971802511175,72.07086614173228,7.5391359863800815,26.13130453287933,7.917944638633933,1.3867131730155355,1970,63,409,26,37,638,252,508,0.193,0.695,0.112,-0.9952,0,0,0,1,0,2,60.0,0,5,7,1,21,35,10,2,14,1,38,11,4,11,3,85,85,36,2,9,16,0,1,1,3,7,6,0,0,11,20,26,0,2,13,5,5,6,8,19,0,1,20,4,75,16,58,55,7,46,0,3,3,1,70,18,1,13,22,261,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396154912862038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052775750974845,0.06297857418932293,0.0,0.0,0.051470513051968016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228486886863975,0.06737846837143847,0.21227450865015385,0.0,0.0,0.11639897560683404,0.0,0.1845550874032159,0.0,0.06440501041602414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545720538929943,0.0,0.15433815337047002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340744073609413,0.0,0.0,0.04999128553915993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427040358296777,0.08517017092392297,0.03827018466823765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917756509227538,0.0,0.0,0.0829881104592528,0.058476449210199476,0.0,0.07908783142329256,0.2178208074948316,0.043015299482942214,0.12696719823725247,0.12106939819184075,0.0,0.0,0.14988626527782584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767784110003406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507321474520875,0.0,0.0,0.22552612591742674,0.22361263857134556,0.08733392160415604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747536827503473,0.0,0.20798104050296173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673037668026985,0.0369773894006501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355895331516677,0.0,0.0,0.06434732798517663,0.06831147804706185,0.1432358472690203,0.15156721169215448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642341899683444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563947265811235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420563356806975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128822494586405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247260830271098,0.19826382544698967,0.0,0.08308282058053355,0.0,0.08532697631280065,0.0,0.0,0.16320917694873724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757085963902759,0.08614964409605244,0.04848774400486952,0.0,0.0,0.1625214181399401,0.0,0.06463723589854567,0.0,0.0,0.07577700612405562,0.0,0.1206272551476819,0.0689036164405108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771545007078924,0.19239088040883892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806734590190237,0.06044462569991081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133515181822146,0.0,0.0,0.12167047821632493,0.13230949564455902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028381985052307,0.09699577474133092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869923530000007,0.0,0.07232323657658336,0.0,0.05138726118353632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130740458368312,0.0,0.0,0.08928562142897276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753332933371056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotAgain2011,2019/03/17,"What keeps you from doing it Maybe we can share some positivity tonight.
I'll start: I'm not killing myself tonight because I don't want my wife to wake up tomorrow without me. It would make a really bad few weeks, dare I hope few months for her and I don't want that. If she could wake up tomorrow with no memory of me I'd be out like a light.",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,76.83783783783784,7.636036036036036,23.144144144144143,8.344100000000001,1.0244306306306306,270,8,65,5,6,90,58,74,0.108,0.706,0.185,0.7893,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,1,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,7,2,2,1,0,15,14,2,1,6,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,9,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,8,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24710171518755994,0.18040532646545746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362880029750673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939401631248973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304951578720376,0.32741929700989514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458377930465838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975455870043621,0.0,0.2973165323996065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362204772583973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895899465000516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947139576209514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491120599102898,0.0,0.2373892296197777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852804212774797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023083847026547,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10234577,2019/03/17,"I'm just a shell I'm not going to post some long post about my past or something to make u feel bad.that dosnt matter.im not looking for resurance or friends. I just want someone to tell me I wont always have to feel like this anymore. I just want someone to tell me theres more than depression and letdowns. I just need someone to tell me It gets bedder.
",4.1293150684931526,4.96716083561644,4.1670136986301385,91.19134246575344,70.78082191780824,6.387945205479452,31.03835616438357,5.6839178017228535,1.2755720547945208,283,12,60,1,5,87,48,73,0.057,0.826,0.117,0.3008,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,16,13,3,0,3,8,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,9,12,2,5,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,3,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285888975917591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821879200266436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533876206763482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822651742934696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185775496335616,0.13124027397531154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419315254178197,0.0,0.09597929343782224,0.0,0.10440488699942237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984350184605681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974993103185178,0.0,0.0,0.16257486015339168,0.15426756104076442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226258083344826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621636757545216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536906021217366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518809326743714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669628799578524,0.141426576802202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817038858650265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671022468788584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ikari-kun,2019/03/17,I’m tired of living I guess I could say I’m just too broken to be fixed up. I just want to fucking kill myself because I’m so worthless and sad. I’m seeing a therapist right now but it hasn’t helped me at all and today I believe that my dad has stopped loving me because I lashed out by ignoring them for I was angry and stressed out,1.6867579908675805,3.0314834520547933,3.541301369863014,91.3433675799087,77.49315068493149,5.962557077625571,24.495433789954337,6.42735559955562,0.6455680365296801,264,9,59,2,6,89,53,73,0.307,0.614,0.08,-0.9477,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,14,14,5,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,11,1,9,11,1,8,0,2,1,2,5,5,1,1,3,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29876533087231355,0.0,0.0,0.27609198127721435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565570699355456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265485069270724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269954647567246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425455437346892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711159823317958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638720280648072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117083444594965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927480723096312,0.0,0.19487680465403304,0.0,0.0,0.19527633891596627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048761463406193,0.2807085695349737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845266225720841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165356472263164,0.2322825720895028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453921917680146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nfwitt,2019/03/17,"I'm so tired For nearly 16 years of my life (I'm 19 now) I've suffered from severe anxiety and depression. I've had constant panic attacks, I dont really feel any emotions anymore. I may be fine for a couple hours or while I get what little sleep I can, but at night and while I'm awake I'm constantly thinking about ways to die, or what if scenarios like mass shootings or bombings. I'm physically and mentally exhausted and I just want to quit, just give up. The only thing keeping me here is that I'm a Christian and I dont want to go to Hell for killing myself. My mind constantly convinces me that im dying or I have diseases or any number of awful things. I just want the pain to end. Pills for it haven't worked, weed made it worse, like it convinced me that everything, food, drinks, are laced with drugs and I just can't do this anymore. I'm crying right now, just as I do every day because of all these things going through my mind. I wake up and my entire body is either numb, aching or feels like I'm repeatedly being stabbed. My knees are fucked and my backs fucked. I just cant do this anymore. I'm so tired",1.7488479623824489,3.7470771293103446,3.1710031347962406,91.11067398119124,79.43103448275863,6.114733542319749,23.04545454545455,7.1686216300943375,0.7629844827586205,882,29,189,11,22,288,132,232,0.29600000000000004,0.621,0.083,-0.9965,0,0,2,1,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,17,5,1,4,1,18,16,4,1,1,36,41,21,3,4,15,0,2,3,0,1,8,0,0,0,14,9,2,1,3,1,0,2,5,11,0,0,2,2,22,6,21,36,2,24,2,2,0,2,1,7,3,8,17,111,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244147255793124,0.0,0.08011900134714446,0.0,0.3115953137638585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914674053061725,0.0,0.08053174772578943,0.0,0.06384310369907666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163326370943163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395313232900065,0.0,0.0,0.1158829650829784,0.1150421905433838,0.06754289236905305,0.0,0.09020473903529544,0.0,0.21738868431065844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454881277096575,0.10259660198310616,0.12145482078390275,0.0,0.0,0.1178083859457568,0.09276066472050737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824046492017812,0.0,0.09412555547811592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059103773398136,0.07481991550594487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664125632000153,0.0,0.0,0.19364442023291534,0.054717674748904016,0.10046760994330503,0.11904219013096527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031390325321067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312755501739705,0.0,0.0,0.09308980972693127,0.11586943989751845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397466997310685,0.1534989691746014,0.10496807147314484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909909479376207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554431118323986,0.0,0.21149710182274245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828303838797976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965271744320195,0.11144126963546867,0.12287937491937485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111394411601844,0.0,0.0,0.06709342152945116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943978326160461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831632732188645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480673098088653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873605839467274,0.0671074570992852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407459752749769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853193407323134,0.083130668726095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624548481894254,0.0,0.10672993367737448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744339171712425
suicidewatch,MakeItStopWhen,2019/03/17,"Depression is a mysterious monster 2 years now, I have been suicidal and I cannot pin point the cause. Things that I used to deal with just fine now upset me to the point where I want to end my life. Is it a consequence of bad circumstances, or a result of poor physical maintenance (sustained mental fatigue, lack of sleep, poor diet, lack of exercise). I believe it is the latter and despite my recent corrections to my life style I still have suicidal thoughts at times. I truly believe one day soon I will end it all. Often, I research suicide methods and strategize ways to get my hands on a gun, poison, or sleep medicine. There is no doubt in my mind that I can be pushed the point of suicide if I stopped taking my medications and got out of my routine. I am 28 now, will I have to keep this up the rest of my life? When will it stop? It is frustrating because I feel I cannot control it. ",5.183381001021452,5.49377813483146,5.8355158324821295,82.04640960163434,68.21348314606742,9.16935648621042,32.47395301327886,9.095868883498916,2.639532584269664,700,29,142,12,11,228,105,178,0.295,0.675,0.03,-0.9944,0,0,1,1,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,2,2,9,0,17,11,3,4,2,27,25,8,4,4,4,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,10,6,1,4,2,1,2,1,3,7,0,1,3,2,24,1,19,18,4,25,0,2,0,0,1,9,0,5,14,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478662669475602,0.0765031743455627,0.0,0.0,0.2827893439629333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892229402168173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075807364617227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809366301342266,0.12938420998684702,0.10809231502498208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231016020062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345618863411615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655681752383185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003732100600046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111549494474807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659314826288703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642728521431415,0.1264737202892362,0.0,0.12671846070165682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504153573042071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35591205177106466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391536318133198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511797562540873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022385843137648,0.20984597505983102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5491032146610294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435981296991808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337612126358324,0.0,0.0,0.0996323813930577,0.07317961845766117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839105246356344,0.0,0.0,0.07402270572806313,0.09961545843686233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081739852922999
suicidewatch,suidicethrowaway1337,2019/03/17,"How do I contact a hotline Hi.

I'm turning to reddit because I'm having a bad night.

A little background:

I am bipolar and mildly schizophrenic, and in my youth had a nice 5 diagnosed anxiety disorders. All of this has been well treated  but... I have bad days. Not often at all, but they get really bad. The worst part is that I can identify all of this crap that's going through my head as disordered thinking. My partner and I had a fight tonight. He makes me feel like I constantly have to defend myself. I'm not sure if I still want to be in this house.

My problem is, I know I have to talk to a helpline. It's the logical thing to do if I'm feeling illogical. Day to day my anxiety is well treated but I'm anxious about contacting a helpline. In my country we have one by text (there's no way I'm confident enough to /call/) but guys, how do you initiate that conversation? Do you just send them a text saying hi? Do you tell them your name? Do you say hello and then get a generic message telling you what to do to be connected to a person? Do you spill your entire life story into your text to be read and then assigned to a person?

​

I honestly am stuck at this. I strangled myself to feel closer to death, but I know I'm being stupid. I need to do something about this disjointed disordered thinking but how in the hell do you start. 

​

**There is no wikihow article on how to call a suicide hotline. There is no template. I don't know what to do.**",1.1443328069482843,3.5338972785234906,3.1127990525069125,88.3562731938413,84.60402684563758,6.324674299249902,25.54322937228583,7.618777277803332,1.5734789577576,1151,50,233,21,34,386,150,298,0.235,0.7020000000000001,0.063,-0.996,0,0,1,0,1,1,48.0,1,10,3,0,14,17,4,0,15,0,33,6,2,5,4,41,57,20,2,5,11,0,3,1,1,0,4,2,0,4,12,7,0,0,9,1,0,2,6,9,2,1,4,5,37,8,33,49,6,24,1,0,0,0,36,10,2,3,12,169,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306965146156049,0.2587186196043379,0.0,0.0,0.16288165231937707,0.12026834188214695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666639747882753,0.0648964043788195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741303707739768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504433409838873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597169946926666,0.0,0.0,0.10805362090447992,0.0,0.0,0.3660336331006291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000058171618933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614865728056069,0.07605431457639378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112408432995701,0.0,0.06050309008544619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541112487513364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092576240131033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283936622193965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755212091633425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751951239556339,0.05201047880462487,0.10669986292167928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106219394215625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893798264994463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999045383643781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213935812425949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528469794570477,0.0,0.0,0.18591174513711906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186686357237833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648778650163757,0.0,0.06820034682613384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932090322468285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819573217562818,0.0,0.0,0.07535221199677561,0.0,0.08501827670299039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644884205520148,0.0,0.1003363261117908,0.0,0.0,0.08556769327133032,0.18609967686769574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072661399144704,0.13642922791714082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579679671838698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279226300393861,0.08450218083630492,0.0,0.0,0.1914388114068588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587186196043379,0.0
suicidewatch,ActuallyBigShart,2019/03/17,"We are all liars We always say/hear ""I know you feel this way right now, but things will get better"". We always say/hear ""I'm here for you if you need to talk"". We are liars, saying what we would like to hear. We would like to here it from a genuine, real person that *actually* cares. The truth is, those people (for the most part) do not exist. I don't know that I have the strength to kill myself, but if it was as easy as pressing a button, I'd be out. If/when I do finally get the strength to end it, I will be taking the people who caused my pain with me. That will be my lifes achievement. Yodo.",0.329024833434282,2.2361847007874047,1.9711811023622048,98.33025439127803,83.88188976377954,4.537613567534828,15.281041792852818,5.369823440869387,-1.0285137492428829,455,7,109,2,13,148,76,127,0.121,0.7040000000000001,0.175,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,6,3,0,4,3,11,3,0,7,0,16,2,0,1,2,24,26,6,1,5,5,0,2,2,0,5,2,2,0,1,11,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,18,7,12,17,3,6,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,3,5,75,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.14915246337238547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543548021336142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517698014376686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583335669128515,0.1570115932530713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537329875457615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728188018074207,0.0,0.0,0.16743174736634905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970804334483205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167946182320778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909784283061974,0.0,0.1679967420210113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795734516040664,0.14934248171681375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333095273882808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263544826254736,0.0,0.0,0.16551378963323307,0.0,0.21192381812501274,0.13345638243101632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396849611155255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052686218343776,0.0,0.3646400370937084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149187166261331,0.12284920233023558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015419228939168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131945029752915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715019002511632,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,InfiniteRespect,2019/03/17,"I want love again Wanting love when you never have loved before is sad. 

Wanting love when you've had love once before is crippling.",4.790399999999998,6.762781840000002,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,70.6,5.0,24.5,3.1291,0.2862,106,3,19,0,2,31,17,25,0.155,0.397,0.449,0.9162,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,4,12,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,11,0,4,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209285439416027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8509859342669943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454414231720904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082726708430795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336810012337812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChlamydiaIsLife,2019/03/17,"I need help. I've never dealt with shit like this before, but at the time of writing this I feel like I'm alone, I'm lost and don't know what to do. I need serious help, the main problem is that I feel I help people, but not in return, the only thing I get is bullied and nothings is working out right now. Please someone help me before i do something stupid. ",5.360657894736843,4.2272132236842115,5.948947368421052,86.25263157894739,68.07894736842105,8.126315789473685,29.52631578947368,5.985473137389443,1.2540368421052628,279,8,62,1,4,91,50,76,0.22,0.542,0.238,-0.0742,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,1,15,15,4,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,8,2,6,14,1,8,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,0,6,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003956140348853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292887294434142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566708247644984,0.13822814105562972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010896953342136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187647441875876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063361563536058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905730307660915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112154289503804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869383719032336,0.14923017085539836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565732402067384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471566358736172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414048384566893,0.0,0.0,0.21239214349022326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514225346983545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652380237677188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861304691640347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394208089583728,0.1489568119227421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285450855700865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282463340897878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086184886923933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TVguy14,2019/03/17,"i don’t see any reason why to continue living i mean, the world is boring, life is also kinda boring, and everything is bland. You just work, sleep, eat, do some fun stuff, then some bad stuff happens, and then you die. Why not end it earlier?",2.8212499999999987,4.518011958333336,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,75.25,7.3000000000000025,20.333333333333336,8.07648339933343,0.8328583333333333,186,4,38,3,4,61,37,48,0.217,0.723,0.06,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,1,0,9,8,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,8,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,4,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668866053891705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024934645791854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844788269477041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293047604639112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260806449724395,0.0,0.0,0.19569060893540027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857002236232527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953798544205316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156059125454199,0.0,0.0,0.19509740506306988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406725476244124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22716700332880085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606358647185474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22110334232699946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058555340894749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39873479055325417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084970281045302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oti2506,2019/03/17,"Again Well... I just got the results from a really really important exam, and once more I was very close to succed, but not enough. Last year it happened the same and I almost killed myself because of it. I don’t know what to do. It hurts like hell. 
",2.9063999999999983,4.410841439999999,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,74.6,7.4,20.5,8.07648339933343,0.7321999999999997,192,4,41,3,4,62,40,50,0.271,0.647,0.08199999999999999,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,6,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,5,2,4,4,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876502109157583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511152621974127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968172109650503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297487150767039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540237895095015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075186431197737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31781152993936423,0.0,0.15787103109294762,0.23415590395288755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034112382765326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059233921921333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680532669183676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23702025629326506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582819708120019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498654627895686
suicidewatch,aftocheiria,2019/03/17,DAE feel like dying is a primal urge? I feel like I have to die. That I MUST. It's a need. I don't know how else to describe it but this feeling is so immense. I also have a natural instinct to live. I am constantly fighting these urges.,-0.97890756302521,1.121194470588236,1.8278991596638683,94.93411764705887,94.49019607843138,4.4829131652661065,21.01120448179272,6.18269132825596,0.25336750700280103,182,7,41,2,7,63,37,51,0.118,0.703,0.18,0.2471,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,8,12,4,2,2,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,3,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572314262426745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29150954788782585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599266347382202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22534586230927875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091890156733609,0.3854263494301637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825040777807735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26357753783509263,0.0,0.2381987910807389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002006890476398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NopeUp80,2019/03/17,"I just don't know I feel extremely misunderstood by everyone. I'm trying so hard to fix myself, and everyone just ends up pissed off and disappointed in me no matter what I do. If I don't talk about my feelings I'm being closed off, and need to open up. If I do talk about them, everyone gets freaked out and doesn't know what to do. I can't win no matter what.

My friends think of it as a job to be my friend. I'm starting to realize everyone would be much better off without me. I put pressure on everyone unintentionally. I just think this is the end for me. I have tried so hard, and it's just never enough. I can only do so much.",1.5170646766169114,3.226054462686569,3.8232089552238833,87.54113184079603,79.0,7.451741293532338,23.106965174129357,8.344100000000001,1.2516189054726363,494,16,112,10,12,171,75,134,0.171,0.732,0.097,-0.8782,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,9,8,1,1,2,0,15,1,1,0,1,27,27,11,0,4,7,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,0,4,18,4,20,23,3,15,0,1,0,0,5,10,1,2,4,81,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253259078364773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25101583931216753,0.14641838675630728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6770224940159703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329986929224894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896072885823128,0.0,0.07403463037749138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25387837763309845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406196187167791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575391745666656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083378804810018,0.10507191773969704,0.1092910657601919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777247976145647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245192635011827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029900885027206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277930427599331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181596743820641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924157898563524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659785573308816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006626449001056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayfrood,2019/03/17,"Can't leave a note I've tried once about a year ago. And I don't think I'll try again, but I wrote a note. And I know that if I don't get it delivered the right way, my insurance won't pay out. And I'm not sure what to do with the fact that I'm thinking that way.",1.4359375000000014,0.90827071875,3.371875,99.385625,76.1875,7.65,20.6875,7.1686216300943375,-0.10386249999999997,202,3,61,2,4,69,42,64,0.048,0.903,0.049,-0.2323,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,2,14,12,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596565826504737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303900885510485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098159085369734,0.0,0.0,0.31016079369143673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119510527897553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501527311857405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760743526360948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37538359473021227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977479406264594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465013734800873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863136764454747
suicidewatch,jumpyyylion,2019/03/17,"I don’t want to die, but I definitely don’t care to live. I feel like I’m failing over and over again. I can’t figure out how to change. I don’t like who I am, I hate wanting to kill myself. I hate how intrusive the thoughts are like they control me. I feel so guilty for wanting to. I know my husband worries about my safety and he should be with someone who he’s not scared all the time of hurting themselves. I feel like it’s abusive or selfish for me to be with him or have anyone in my life because I don’t want anyone to suffer because of me. Most of the time I don’t even want to die I just want to stop existing. Like there’s a weight on my chest and it’s crushing me and no matter what I do it just keeps getting heavier and I’m almost always miserable. I’m missing work more often because I just can’t make it though the day without falling apart. I don’t know if I just need to kill myself already and get it over with or what the fuck I’m doing. No answer is ever the right answer, nothing has helped. I just keep getting better at hiding it so my family stops asking questions that I can’t answer. I tried to kill my self a little over year ago and most days I hate that it didn’t work. ",1.5687574587574566,3.04869264478765,3.3071551421551426,92.32043085293087,78.15057915057916,5.481291681291681,22.96963846963847,5.852544927426893,0.2678401544401545,941,29,210,5,22,314,127,259,0.317,0.5489999999999999,0.134,-0.9971,0,0,0,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,1,5,16,21,7,2,8,0,20,4,1,4,2,57,50,17,5,9,12,1,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,11,1,5,11,0,0,1,14,14,0,0,2,4,36,7,29,45,4,22,0,5,0,1,11,11,1,9,15,140,49,3,0.0,0.1205067205359232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901575354134454,0.0,0.10184533951913263,0.0,0.11223672218181892,0.0,0.08462876259549794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223245558001146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508275488330263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859997889602037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995199198129353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369754403896483,0.0,0.10759301725440287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407357588577145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311858081087967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111259249291794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671768246613396,0.09200022941226828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588075091494112,0.0,0.1542790582891553,0.14531967367711468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940269170559455,0.15941386564883447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012452099735949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817237319117317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887995012167244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080454489563666,0.3375727387794139,0.0,0.1117915311844186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183899385725713,0.2484456618199712,0.10193760437875292,0.08980955931350551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789052594827577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541480022081623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759106046138878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393564316714913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685762359819513,0.0,0.0,0.1018269204093463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061030727097072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617640921663801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700639980374035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992707280706556,0.08074437028806382,0.11861288724945294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690526958273314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599382054787007,0.0,0.0,0.12385229822017235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804237157090286,0.0,0.14808849887516598,0.10328887270979108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549627602313705
suicidewatch,nova149,2019/03/17,"I don’t think I’m supposed to be here, or anywhere. Sometimes I think that I don’t belong in this world. Or any world. Like my heart shouldn’t beat. Being alive just feels so wrong, as if I instinctively know that I should be dead. I’ve felt this way for 10 years now. Two suicide attempts, three psychiatric hospitals, more medications than I can count, six therapists, and two out patient programs later and death still feels like the best choice for myself. I’m only 22, married to a 33 year old, who I love but it feels like I’ve jumped in too fast. A part of me was hoping he could find me, or save me somehow I think. But I feel more lost than ever. I feel like I’ve lived too much now. I could tell you guys all of the bad things that have happened in my life to get me to this point but I’m so tired. I just want to leave this place, leave everyone including myself behind, and give in to the urge to die. ",1.8224743230625573,3.626235417989424,2.7310675381263643,95.28392156862749,78.41798941798943,5.928540305010892,20.112356053532523,6.794906146795322,0.046992281356987416,710,17,163,7,17,224,115,189,0.154,0.7140000000000001,0.131,-0.7718,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,1,0,4,12,11,0,0,5,0,12,5,1,0,2,34,32,13,4,7,9,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,11,0,0,1,3,3,0,4,3,6,21,8,20,22,6,20,0,1,0,1,7,9,0,6,13,100,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634921443211943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602110532809986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325529956529794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20276277914275825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317828423110623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485863142555296,0.0,0.12133266783781388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210187917631517,0.2721387589638264,0.1219185389045323,0.0,0.11605534990517034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634062601674498,0.1218086142847016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572792161442864,0.11228599220429827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046922801122234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611754220794866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978364270848814,0.0,0.0,0.2689021756383917,0.0,0.0,0.08968812980299957,0.24813963080359305,0.0,0.1121236668384405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386111980517678,0.0,0.1146023638836688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791670984025785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933432458812782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324177351482708,0.0,0.0,0.09657228972842563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375045137202581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266470782565673,0.0,0.12003500293436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255842272800147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140458364114224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889303338096826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109841376486994,0.0,0.0,0.14743093779196265,0.0843583653101523,0.24408661742964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594222784543373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480775941088303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489475831230923,0.1007890161595408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883022053475344,0.0,0.16353899714264422
suicidewatch,AssumeBattlePoise,2019/03/17,"What happens if it happens again? After many years of fighting off intrusive thoughts and depression, a little less than three months ago I finally lost a battle and made a serious attempt on my own life. Serious enough that other people had to resuscitate me. It was still definitely a ""cry for help,"" though - I texted a lot of people before I did it so people could find me.

I don't want to die. I just lost a fight with some other part of me that isn't me.

But now I'm really scared, because things have gotten so much worse. Most of my family has stopped talking to me after calling me an asshole for what I did. The small circle of friends I had are completely gone. My wife kicked me out of the house and only let me back two weeks later after begging her.

I feel very, very isolated. I reached out for help and almost everyone that I thought cared about me just turned on me so quickly. They're allowed to be mad I guess. But now they've all just gone.

I haven't healed or gotten better at all. I'm barely hanging on. And I don't even have the support system I thought I did last time. I don't know what to do. It's going to happen again.",2.8340682177546874,4.422663927038631,4.081901965213465,87.63939688276486,74.9656652360515,6.965348994804609,24.709509826067315,7.669130373188453,1.1758721030042922,897,29,186,12,19,294,137,233,0.158,0.75,0.093,-0.9096,1,0,0,0,3,1,26.0,0,0,0,4,16,14,4,1,10,0,19,2,0,2,2,33,42,13,1,3,7,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,13,8,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,10,0,2,16,1,30,4,28,23,10,33,0,3,0,0,9,9,0,7,19,136,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863008199685252,0.0,0.12271262221427966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423069743455018,0.0,0.07470321156365206,0.0,0.10427804915192228,0.0,0.0,0.1083824243852488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251336823738555,0.0,0.1249443283932654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848767817572884,0.0,0.0,0.09784341195479647,0.0,0.13461158059320144,0.0,0.0,0.10554912455321556,0.0,0.12718392382792282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662329764992705,0.0,0.08094081030259867,0.0,0.0,0.11709843643907965,0.0,0.0,0.1155259378602818,0.0,0.06196319466621375,0.0,0.0,0.1342437053951317,0.11200528477995256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467912520442537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964600245838773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349987904615738,0.0,0.3251024070131644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428067727709336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140221251175303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734835387539907,0.0998917570389993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531210338937027,0.08655822009217676,0.0,0.1228237913940938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26754797127688473,0.1041846556205764,0.0,0.11595646538487266,0.0,0.12424292088903062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781545054147672,0.0,0.09008578101535604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320213864955584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327059220479785,0.0,0.25487494803781346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850642861393918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269042917853144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786579660480313,0.10245436483371652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390643207967249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849823814812336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141445213732401,0.0,0.12040131823654684,0.2918647074241733,0.07145785212907417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332954065244043,0.11971012796217136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222740025151692,0.07228110328520235,0.0,0.09829941382919284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488535728551635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789159309008885
suicidewatch,DepressingThrowaway8,2019/03/17,"all i want is money i grew up privileged, in a fairly well off family. went to boarding school in the US from asia. currently go to an ivy league university. and i'd rather just die.  

i used to be idealistic, telling myself i don't need to have a prestigious job, i just want to be happy. but now i realize, i need to be well off to be happy. i want to be able to just buy tickets to random country to travel without thinking twice about the price. i just want lots of money. no woman will ever find me attractive because i'm a slob who gives no fucks about his own appearance (spending money on clothing literally gives me pain). and if someone does find me attractive, i'm so fucking shallow that i just want hot women. 

i just want to be rich so i can spend it on prostitutes (probably not blow because my family has a history of heart problems and a heart attack does not sound like a fun way to go). 

i don't want to major in computer science. fuck cs. fuck coding. i hate it so much. i'd go to law school, but fuck the biglaw culture i keep hearing about. i can barely work a few hours each day without being tired, let alone a 60 hour work week. i need to nap 2+ hours every day on top of sleeping 9+ hours at night. 



a while ago, i had very strong morals. now, i don't care anymore. as a lawyer, if monsanto, nestle, fucking serial killers came to me with shittons money and asked me to be their lawyer, i'd say yes. 

i'd rather die than write another line of fucking react code ever again. i'd rather die than live another 60 years having to work 50-60+ hour work weeks. 

and nobody will pity me because i'm a piece of shit. ",2.524811507936505,3.9585857470238106,4.224047619047616,86.94317460317463,75.45833333333333,7.35873015873016,24.94444444444445,8.045849151850463,1.3608003968253972,1265,42,269,20,27,426,181,336,0.201,0.664,0.135,-0.9889,2,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,0,1,6,22,25,10,0,15,1,21,13,4,2,3,51,56,14,3,16,17,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,2,4,8,0,1,4,3,9,8,9,13,2,1,3,4,30,12,44,42,8,39,1,1,0,7,14,11,8,5,20,155,34,10,0.07245698472733453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422874515648977,0.0,0.0,0.07504358429425881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519549322549805,0.0,0.0,0.0718578590769221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773749974609297,0.08243028035728517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250731610509606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287148776709219,0.07387472493440933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345752186468373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255967319931531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681519122778806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108298185307188,0.061048134676905785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366119933888571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132448742743655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4688972037688661,0.0,0.13901468420489238,0.12353692257723756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426361514880782,0.0,0.07153627160236152,0.0,0.0,0.0816642878009547,0.17172375153734198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35677767304158864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190237704572516,0.0644030972230032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740921759946086,0.0,0.03539882279410804,0.0,0.06398084498773407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616003373288859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326422078210615,0.16117780822859626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799597179584735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709934034714888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812088450299036,0.06933154885452719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762070246559516,0.0,0.1466606736757164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437605358776002,0.0,0.0,0.07250931229516099,0.0,0.061392568027667814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633305983225686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046427510128462836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327864509102903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715683123376068,0.06257957082442075,0.0,0.059784600709361875,0.2991590482154642,0.05751298188152885,0.1162412452206468,0.0,0.13029506200784036,0.06716835075770597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396918952872416,0.0,0.2109981913600908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04665992256884408
suicidewatch,anonymouscatndog,2019/03/17,"Think about it all the time I feel like things are pretty good in my life, but I still think about it 30 - 40 times a day. I don’t know what to do. 

I end up drinking as a distraction, then I worry that drinking makes me more likely to act. 

I went to therapy for a while, but the therapist gave me the same advice I could have found from a simple google search. I’m on anti depressants, but I don’t feel any different. 

I’m at a loss. ",1.196693548387099,2.6444894623655912,3.027620967741939,94.06143145161293,79.10752688172043,6.800537634408602,19.151881720430108,7.6454224807358475,0.2723559139784948,332,7,80,5,8,111,64,93,0.183,0.753,0.064,-0.9144,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,8,0,6,3,0,1,1,13,17,6,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,2,11,3,12,13,3,13,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,9,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985177217386256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815028360244247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220029114805648,0.0,0.0,0.13101619308686885,0.0,0.1749744657398446,0.0,0.0,0.212250535580232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980231152089089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993231757804695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054394468575332,0.1451317844534812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227456132796063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703942063582489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164699174614744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349222108786408,0.1984995497293741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560549551261925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066785544669656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162237399387393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323219449368277,0.2358750569033263,0.13496512004747302,0.2603431167516045,0.0,0.0,0.23691905645124856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832388098070435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206310653351284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Famouslystupid,2019/03/17,"I think I should kill myself I’m not saying I definitely will but I’m seriously contemplating it.

Why? Because I’m a complete an utter failure. I have no accomplishment to be proud of and can’t imagine living a happy and healthy life in the future. I do not feel loved nor do I truly love anyone else.

I feel terrible for all the time and money I’ve wasted on school (I am 24 haven’t finished my degree and am about to fail out of college) 

I hate myself so much that it affects my conversations with people, leading them to believe I don’t like them, when really the whole time I’m just putting myself down. 

If someone told me that i just had to sit in a room and decay away I wouldn’t care, in fact I’d happily do it. Because honestly it probably be incredibly peaceful and I wouldn’t have to worry or be scared anymore 

And let me just say that I am an asshole, I understand that I should be grateful to have a minimum wage job, which doesn’t pay enough for me to support myself but I just down want to live this way, now or in the future. 

I’m honestly not sure what else to say, it just feels like everybody I’ve relied on treated me like shit, and the few good ones that are left I’m afraid to tell them anything because I don’t want to put the burden on them.

I don’t know if anybody will read this mess, I’m under the influence, sad at 2:31am, and honestly even if you did read this and ended up giving me feedback, it’s not going to help me. Like don’t get me wrong it’s nice but there isn’t truly anything anyone person could do to pull me out of this 

I just wish my heroes were still alive, maybe they could actually help, I’m sorry for being an asshole

",2.361173606280431,3.9580818559077815,4.141105038258971,86.6848126801153,76.26224783861672,6.861134850442214,24.069263639073828,7.6298220110432995,1.0983145980323958,1312,42,276,18,29,443,177,347,0.212,0.591,0.197,-0.6379,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,5,5,13,31,3,2,14,0,36,4,1,3,3,53,62,21,1,12,18,0,3,4,0,6,1,3,1,1,18,13,0,0,7,2,3,5,16,13,0,1,4,6,41,18,36,44,5,34,0,2,0,2,18,17,1,5,14,187,59,11,0.0,0.0,0.10530772515943748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070209060241623,0.150910849454755,0.1105698350486766,0.17760675214656904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013880119899409,0.0,0.0,0.1973486714823632,0.0,0.0,0.12158123245180714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002470844981516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314494633307605,0.0,0.0,0.17231983256059338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029527772910128,0.0,0.09557907269410006,0.1115031917498251,0.0,0.07127565668451125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369248245453238,0.07709321795672891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056380197664985136,0.10352018307659576,0.0613295634441319,0.09051247966671874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487561744718244,0.0,0.10654195238797542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466389834406146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708720849151744,0.0,0.11938997690840393,0.0,0.059306277403746215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724801715346556,0.11034856738156444,0.07622229077578528,0.2108837717282284,0.0,0.19057868093311625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479176838050669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841332279997834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793286251496846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312478312516749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481343146887419,0.09422565155179492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634869096182203,0.0,0.0,0.21696516142314307,0.0,0.0,0.2158848233719661,0.0,0.06913196485796197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574507449636981,0.10803994765942672,0.10921392855642448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107713581188518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914345116577672,0.0,0.0,0.12080000231083295,0.0,0.0,0.08617962797607674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224586305612247,0.10170692223047964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432090099258623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914642687969838,0.0,0.0,0.1258501197782286,0.0,0.0,0.10311569556472476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234145616521317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730001301626145,0.08565648223005881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737488615137638,0.12048124386598988,0.1240948644857082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959110180791394,0.0,0.0,0.11798615336622245,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JazSpaz,2019/03/17,"I hate that I would leave nothing behind. If I was gone, I don't think anyone would care. I don't have friends who check on me or people who'd realize my absence. My immediate family has been out of my life since I was sixteen (I'm twenty-one) and the few cousins I still know aren't people who check in or worry if I go quiet. 
I CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE PERSON WHO'D EVEN NOTICE IF I JUST CEASED TO EXIST",0.5109195402298816,2.495143080459769,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,83.71264367816093,5.2459770114942526,17.712643678160926,6.42735559955562,-0.17896321839080453,316,7,70,3,9,108,61,87,0.132,0.8270000000000001,0.041,-0.7314,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,0,14,21,6,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,2,2,4,1,0,0,4,1,14,2,7,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,1,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667365078306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431254708098664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575003272706542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479850341527235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423330764354198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552209496396253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23542950215718034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105116858676452,0.0,0.0,0.2524943022833073,0.0,0.0,0.1684310787292113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288084326528872,0.2714878530896344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306357454619961,0.20821373870166385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972562583646303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043415720987528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055905864565809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216731495157026,0.0,0.3387897386494586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Divez5,2019/03/17,"Emotionally empty I've been depressed pretty bad for what seems like forever now. But recently it's gotten pretty bad. My life has no meaning to it. The only reason I haven't ended it yet is because of my son (who I rarely get to see because of his mother) I am financially struggling. Haven't talked to anybody other then my mom in months. Have no friends at all. Sleeping all day long. Just generally lacking emotions about anything. Nothing gets me excited, happy, motivated, anything at all. Just kinda living at this point.more of less I'm just feeling constant sorrow. Any advice at getting out of this rut?",3.340047651463582,6.2920486548672585,4.612389380530972,77.476024506467,80.15044247787611,5.954799183117768,29.93124574540504,7.321109707123232,2.332424642614024,490,24,76,7,13,161,84,113,0.185,0.6659999999999999,0.149,-0.5858,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,1,0,7,2,1,2,3,16,16,2,0,1,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,2,8,4,15,14,5,15,0,2,1,0,7,6,0,2,10,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591725986880065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850423569614988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26260364201939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664468710443165,0.1945289401166792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724244400965053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290106921256126,0.0,0.13742621568609173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589603125014769,0.14132014851323646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067681651404998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327334723419504,0.0,0.2500858508866813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698514001087151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269983217903715,0.07795149372040391,0.0,0.14089175974285842,0.1412029295693285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380435555069804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687123731327354,0.12735688012995175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530992507777407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213502931708464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508329442929266,0.0,0.0,0.32465367428064706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405117661180496,0.15754329457595911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714627606984027,0.14525470595231274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967223641651246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680362647772826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824587771563514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_the_unspeakable,2019/03/17,"Just another day I plan on walking to the railroad on my birthday, probably in the morning. Drink a bunch of vodka and carry a flask with me to keep me going. I'm surprised I've made it this long. I'm not proud of it, more like impressed with how long I can stand to torture myself by being alive. I've been dead inside for a several years now. Month and half to go. I wake up every morning feeling like bawling my eyes out but can't. The rest of the day I feel nothing. Spare the extreme desire to kill myself throughout the day. I might have a job soon. Yay I can drug myself to feel again. I'll make the most of the time I have left. But I don't want to. I want to make the journey now, but enjoying psychedelics is really the only thing keeping me from doing it. I have friends, not close ones. I have family, but they can all die for all I care. None of them give a shit about me. Enjoy the search my body assholes. I'm tired. Of living. I just want to sleep. Forever. It's just another day.",0.5277968227424736,2.6942817211538497,2.3465719063545163,94.34625418060206,85.15384615384616,5.155852842809366,20.581939799331106,6.498293943080001,0.2052426421404685,770,24,170,8,23,254,121,208,0.159,0.685,0.156,-0.4106,1,0,3,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,2,2,9,13,3,0,16,1,14,8,5,4,2,32,32,7,3,4,9,0,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,3,2,0,4,5,3,0,2,2,4,25,10,27,28,7,25,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,2,15,113,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900066851815967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360289181867798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099025137914267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567282182823017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351746591845388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135466152483059,0.16036610330256332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651064504086772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303623079910067,0.0,0.209762375881844,0.09879046563712578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683825216070207,0.0,0.0,0.13265508121242947,0.15718052224433346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722601638700432,0.2458272128966592,0.15299129707890802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024650049141675,0.0,0.0,0.13511763133326718,0.0,0.1221077361205706,0.2447548400952817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084812583242686,0.1846119386610145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669798852395766,0.0,0.0,0.1103773587641314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268769549294399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937051476902139,0.10517158422681057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490940663916754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858858379164825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622210997652128,0.14194703941351086,0.0,0.0,0.13838435509438762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187006901671577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063479682711887,0.15893767613109108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446913210033731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905067623809841
suicidewatch,throwaway_4890,2019/03/17,"What’s even the point of staying alive? I’m 17, I’ve been suicidal since age 11 and I don’t even remember when I started feeling unhappy with life. Despite having attempted suicide multiples times in the past 3 years, I never truly regretted any attempt and even at my highest points in my life I told myself it wouldn’t have mattered if I succeeded. My overall mood really just fluctuates between tolerating being alive, but not enjoying life and straight up wanting to die. Can this even be called living? Only staying alive because I suck too much at trying to kill myself, going emotionally numb and losing a grip on reality? It just feels like my mental health is an unfixable wreck and there’s nothing that can be done.",6.5148888888888905,7.749619451851853,7.0422222222222235,71.29000000000002,65.5925925925926,10.148148148148149,35.74074074074074,10.25414643259724,4.02862962962963,586,28,95,14,9,192,102,135,0.233,0.648,0.119,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,4,9,9,2,0,4,0,12,5,0,0,1,19,20,8,4,4,5,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,3,12,3,11,13,1,19,0,2,0,0,2,9,1,1,8,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022433233423676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984226752897492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504927771296489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295851236859992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082223118851584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165784116279555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38937581295400864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904081887854448,0.10528922430000248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376018452511386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665942130847502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305556300603052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122992949129264,0.07200305464997762,0.0,0.13014038079736218,0.0,0.0,0.16488196683396572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852567767038488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834220737139344,0.0,0.1136695379937022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141632436396592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209011365851712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069211955038785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27864591716214643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441622943169062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695427332760346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191532756152043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431723689338697,0.3141776946777844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32242242452425585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593921644929554,0.0,0.0,0.14082914018790738,0.0,0.10006222276053346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692930441290851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490871982464352
suicidewatch,abc123poP,2019/03/17,"I don’t feel right, I have it good but it feels terrible I just graduated from high school almost a year from now and I feel like absolute shit, I was a average Grade level student  and I have a very small friend group (edgy kids), I also have autism but I’m not some window licker,I can’t find a job either because I’m too lazy or no one wants me-I have four best friends and they mean the world to me I’d do anything for them-but I’m the butt of every joke and my jokes aren’t funny to any of them(at least they lead me to believe) we talk on messenger but sometimes we get together-but Jesus Christ I feel like absolute shit. I have a girlfriend and it’s been 2 years (anniversary was like a month ago) and she comforts me but nothing feels right. I’m not the best at describing stuff since my way of thinking is different and shit but it’s agonizing thinking that my friend pool either hates me or only puts up with me due to pity. Sometimes i wonder ( Ik original words ) how much do I impact people on their lives, Ik the memes “mom would be sad” “dog wouldn’t understand” I don’t want to be a edgelord, but I wonder who really cares about me-every time I go back and think about the events I do it seems melancholy, i won’t kill myself I have it too good to do it, only things keeping me afloat is JoJos Bizarre Adventure, my girlfriend, and my friend pool. 


Long story short: Autismo feels like shit for no reason",2.6794072164948446,4.288333955326461,3.655588487972512,90.44977448453608,75.42611683848797,6.911855670103092,23.465206185567013,7.6454224807358475,0.9124030927835052,1115,33,241,15,24,358,161,291,0.177,0.611,0.212,0.8748,3,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,2,0,3,3,9,26,6,0,12,0,24,5,5,4,0,52,49,19,1,4,13,1,6,4,6,3,0,0,1,1,11,12,0,1,16,4,0,3,10,9,0,2,3,6,35,17,20,41,7,26,2,2,0,1,17,11,5,7,15,139,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571889634353906,0.0,0.09683128605145007,0.0,0.0,0.07733111825067628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575945475270024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957602855075051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435648797545448,0.0,0.058947546856677274,0.0,0.0,0.10894801585962496,0.2029617964668413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859230277084514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103113165435366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294818513381315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933671721353355,0.20724793530815327,0.0,0.0,0.08838223463975206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988413511288794,0.0,0.05052186546808023,0.0,0.0549569544248837,0.16221508651234404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547143160505132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216907479994987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959600314441737,0.08595158447531454,0.10698444846619673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889713407527072,0.0,0.08538805181563586,0.08557663761593094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533487085853836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325411027358966,0.07718518030764583,0.0,0.07108577645284116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278645381535447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552656089261387,0.1470897253327842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703974580463894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721041385677832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194862687164944,0.0994239151708436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516289181413174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786576908713036,0.0,0.08803223397136767,0.0,0.0,0.3970454793969472,0.07999140807150862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127794886808105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106985983286009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772396108551996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424331875057869,0.18588475853734784,0.0,0.0,0.05638666663034946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066832274325313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978779561487133,0.11407257154202312,0.07675612095953399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097344926990127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686930505004649,0.0,0.0,0.12454352194897818
suicidewatch,foliefortuna,2019/03/17,"One day I will euthanatize myself I don't think my problems are fixable unless i'm willing to accept degraded life circumstances and knowing my life will never be the same.

I have access to pentobarbital (the drug that's used in euthanasia clinics)  now which is a relief. I don't even know why i'm making this post, I don't think there is anyway I could be talked out of this. I guess I was wondering if I should try to make peace with some of the people that made my life hell. I really just wanted to get this off my chest. ",3.6132943925233647,4.901996252336449,4.955221962616822,83.35844042056075,72.45794392523366,7.966822429906544,23.655373831775695,8.472884824447931,1.3628887850467293,417,11,85,7,8,139,73,107,0.07200000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.111,0.4692,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,4,0,15,6,1,4,1,24,29,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,15,2,11,20,2,7,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,3,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904375792019322,0.0,0.0,0.1365439572952784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455317100104137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984118572007775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061664051026827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23323698957726766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327150822192553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44863910132318624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003376238847603,0.2826537781631809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632939945878998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434691289202687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678221781530942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202772312849306,0.0,0.0,0.20259052149306864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563531206296095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017509909373782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27132737242854305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374616410262053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286087787730096,0.0,0.0,0.12487983689278165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104726876160985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296047935536747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DegoNick,2019/03/17,I've hated myself all my life. I feel so god damn worthless. I'm 19 and since middle school I've had suicidal thoughts. I recently found out that I've been depressed as well. Today I just can't stand myself though. I've been trying to cope through masterbation. Well I sometimes masterbate to hentai. I ended masterbating to to fucking loli hentai. I feel so fucking disgusted with myself. I want to throw up man. I don't know what to think anymore. Am I a bad person? After today I truly feel like I don't deserve to live and can't forgive myself. ,1.6023076923076935,4.1898418348623885,3.4855045871559653,85.00718419195483,84.77981651376146,5.555681016231475,23.06351446718419,7.010146845296331,1.0958985179957659,436,16,80,6,13,146,68,109,0.238,0.643,0.119,-0.95,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,5,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,1,15,20,6,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,5,3,16,4,13,15,1,10,0,2,0,2,3,3,3,0,6,49,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851316250805642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586598430291462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607830656294302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533880817227575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831657515909778,0.1333607913933849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20467970802008992,0.0,0.3451564059721889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430310037170491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259180118280277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185420571470893,0.09120006738298224,0.0,0.1648376107883652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299757350325905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431922719273894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892525606649813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441964431480507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846265339089278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419235673639424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961392266537922,0.1834074241149816,0.14819924721414368,0.0,0.0,0.3538925011684018,0.0,0.0,0.12674019876814305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010586229365613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33568682506478004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon881267,2019/03/17,"This is it Life just isn't worth the effort.  I am alone, even when I am not.",-2.015000000000001,-0.4687513888888866,0.3755555555555557,108.40000000000002,90.66666666666669,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.458533333333333,57,0,17,0,2,19,15,18,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.3952,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7309217301131891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661269167718168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984768017763135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyadiccounterpoint,2019/03/17,"Having a lot of ideation I've always been an incurable, albeit cynical, optimist. Even when my parents (and others) died early in my young adulthood, and when I graduated college to face rural destitution with no familial support, and when my best efforts to leave resulted in immense hardship as I traveled the country basically interning, I kept my eyes on the sun. I knew I was growing colder; I could tell there were scars developing in my psyche, but I was certain that, if given the opportunity, I could rise above them.

I was given an opportunity. I had a stable place, all to myself, living on a historic site where I work. I had every chance I had fought so hard for. Yet I could not be happy. The simple pleasures were no longer truly enjoyable; I would end up feeling anxious about doing these supposed ""fun things,"" and would just retreat by pacing around in circles and monologuing about various things. It was something beyond mere depression.

I blew it. They kicked me out because of heating costs. They also cut my hours dramatically during the winter (low attendance) at the exact same time. I've been unstable for months. I'm currently a live-in maid/concubine for this guy, but of course his wife out of understandable envy generates artificial tensions which erupt into threats to make me leave. The more I endure this living insecurity over my life, the worse these events play on my mind. I'm getting to where I just freak out about it.

They made a time frame to leave I cannot make. My hours have picked up and I'm about to finally get a second job, but the time frame just isn't going to work. I have no intention of living on the streets, and to be frank with you, I've endured enough and am not going to sleep on the floor in some house with 5 other people at this point. 

I think it is acceptable to say, ""I will attempt to the best of my ability to find adequate housing in this time frame, but if I fail to do so I will commit suicide."" I feel like my mind is already a bit fragile; I can tell it's more sensitive to stress. Why would I submit myself to more suffering? Isn't it my right to say, ""Death is better than degradation?""

I think that it is. I'm really afraid of it, but I've reached my limits. I reached them a long time ago and held on. I can't any longer. ",5.656814671814673,6.250022725225228,6.380772200772202,77.55891891891893,67.24324324324324,9.405920205920207,30.947232947232948,9.424239791934726,2.6964719433719435,1806,67,342,34,28,594,238,444,0.16,0.6920000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.792,3,0,1,0,0,2,62.0,0,1,5,11,20,28,4,4,22,0,36,4,3,6,4,61,59,23,3,8,12,2,4,1,0,5,1,2,0,1,21,17,0,3,8,2,1,6,9,14,0,1,18,7,54,14,60,31,12,60,0,4,1,0,15,32,0,4,23,240,75,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352167500083876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397576852828784,0.07534889973500271,0.07839983616244905,0.0,0.0,0.06407385118533866,0.0,0.0,0.10644347623597013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387711136993466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743655204015244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977593030847231,0.08333126017128491,0.10286547515438356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256846033080912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115284012960744,0.0,0.09778704163727857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345228282777876,0.09735599678694988,0.0,0.062232412312770435,0.0,0.07938567772838959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888236449680036,0.0,0.09528244316477934,0.06731185862850153,0.0,0.10321504804944732,0.0861167442922361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845369009768283,0.0,0.1070964998922788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329409876331513,0.0,0.10030053909290286,0.08440395726481141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557839660564612,0.2174379218115358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350030041485298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29930089286705536,0.0,0.0,0.06655143211066826,0.046031865726447865,0.0,0.33279724387108794,0.08338306277272865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010375014784778,0.0,0.08915466174831715,0.1257871661616489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027371151066164,0.0,0.07520670260032157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462182570144728,0.0,0.0,0.06532132470293914,0.0,0.09844141377163104,0.0,0.08906977284771919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036070576067465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046464642412747,0.0,0.14985743759825573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428954592364228,0.0,0.0,0.07253631416384841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793041023292556,0.0,0.0,0.10306302854125456,0.1069214419458228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470748845610236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519315620109608,0.12074666576779025,0.0,0.0,0.27470657262117565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808790469425208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502024878850949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718874875731274,0.0,0.09601975835631557,0.20079675136234346,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Czral,2019/03/17,"Any other Game of Thrones holdouts? It seems so silly, I won’t care how it ends once I’m dead, but I suppose any reason to delay is as good as any other.",3.416470588235292,2.8653094705882367,5.2694117647058825,87.56235294117648,71.94117647058823,6.8000000000000025,25.823529411764717,3.1291,0.5150470588235292,118,3,27,0,2,41,27,34,0.14800000000000002,0.659,0.193,0.1846,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,5,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6547152191468907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272020292623645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284242212328054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26917469210134165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34177214764668795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299619329991875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29215592684633523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KungP0wchicken,2019/03/17,"A hole My emotions are extremely mixed right now. I’ve hit a road bump and now I’m slipping. When you have support from everyone you feel great, when you know your extremely capable you feel great, yet with all of this it’s been the minute things that are beginning to dig deep into me. I feel as though it’s super petty for me to come out like this, especially with all the support I have from my inner circle. I love all the potential I have- I built a strong foundation- yet its crumbling and I’m falling... deep...deep...deep into it.


The biggest gripe I have with myself is how I continue to keep up my facade as if everything is okay.",1.6134598214285705,4.023127890625002,3.0944642857142854,89.16125000000002,82.59375,6.7821428571428575,22.424107142857146,7.957251820313856,1.2566544642857145,502,17,103,10,14,164,78,128,0.013,0.746,0.241,0.9841,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,5,0,2,8,9,0,0,7,1,9,1,0,1,3,19,22,9,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,18,9,16,20,3,19,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,1,9,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107861509272367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495180700414031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195887793027585,0.19935785348326826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33647714556612424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4891155016358613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716414478575525,0.0,0.0,0.1219066791323668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837023254418808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020155239155804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943339156375885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5034382745416852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736760324987794,0.0,0.2179373960131513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chravel,2019/03/17,"Am I missing something? 24F. 11 years of suicidal thoughts. Complex PTSD. Exercise daily. Eat well. Socialize. Credit score is awesome. Great grades. Job prospects. Well-traveled. Regarded as “gorgeous”. Friends love me. 

I am disappointed when I wake up in the morning. I wake up and I think damn, another day? 

I don’t really want to go into the entire history of my mental health, but I was regularly sexually and physically abused by my half sister when I was younger, a dark family secret that she blames *me* for and refuses to apologize for. Whatever. I cut her out of my life last year because I realized she causes more harm than good, and I figured I really don’t owe her a relationship. My father knows about the abuse and says I should just move on.

My dad has always been part of my life. I think he’s a great father - he definitely goes the distance for his kids, but he is emotionally unavailable like his father was. He will not tolerate my mental health, and when my suicidal thoughts first began to cripple me, he told me to kill myself to put the *people who love me* out of their misery. Yes, my father advocated for my death. This happened every time I tried to seek help. 

My mom is peace, love and waiting for God. It’s unrealistic to me, especially since my pain is tangible. She will not acknowledge my pain - but I think it’s because she doesn’t know what to do. 

I have a twin brother who I love so much, but he is completely disconnected from reality. He doesn’t do drugs or drink, but he’s childish. Ignorance is bliss. He believes I should draw my energy from anime-style logic. He believes he is a god and that he is invincible. There’s no getting through to him. Everyone loves him, though.

I was severely bullied for years in school due to being “ugly.” This was the first time I ever thought of death, as someone told me to kill myself so that I may get another shot at life. I thought - there’s an idea. It stuck with me. But as I grew older, I started to grow into myself. I had ugly duckling syndrome. I typically find that men flock to me, as I have an “innate” and “enticing” nature about me. I don’t care. It’s arbitrary to me. It does nothing for my soul to be hit on by anyone. They’re looks. They fade. 

None of my bullies have done anything with their lives. I live a life that people seem to envy. I travel well, eat well, I’ve seen and done and I do things that a lot of people don’t get to do. My friends are wonderful and loving, they’ve been more supportive than any other force in my life, ever. They love me for me, flaws and all. But I think they came a little too late. 

It’s too far gone. I’ve tried twice. They say that most people don’t desire death after the first attempt, but that clearly isn’t true. What’s the point of hanging on to this life? For the *possibility* of things getting better? There’s nothing after death (in my opinion). I can’t feel anything. I don’t care about the future. I don’t want kids. I don’t want to marry. I don’t believe in romantic love. Everything is flat. 

I feel guilt, shame, and hopelessness. Why can’t I just be grateful? Why can’t I just be happy? I can’t even be happy for the sake of those who love me? I’m an awful person. I’m selfish. This is my fault. 

I am on medication for OCD. It works. Antidepressants didn’t work (I was on 30 or more combinations). Therapists usually find that they can’t work with me. I had my brain scanned and it came back “normal.” I have a “normal” brain. 

I don’t want to be here. ",1.0236435091277871,3.5053985330459767,2.9976646382691037,88.15497565922924,86.65804597701151,6.20632860040568,21.693982420554427,7.554174236665415,1.056113171061528,2713,94,555,51,85,908,305,696,0.16899999999999998,0.622,0.209,0.9803,2,0,3,0,2,3,117.0,0,0,7,8,25,42,4,2,23,2,65,29,4,1,5,84,117,35,8,9,15,8,2,1,2,5,13,2,0,4,30,24,3,3,23,3,2,10,23,15,3,5,25,7,103,27,78,80,9,56,1,3,3,9,65,20,1,8,27,363,133,7,0.0,0.13419758080012614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047121750371749996,0.0,0.0,0.038511203195068906,0.11876564141177615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039597898285699776,0.0,0.09320541408074004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354594830603945,0.0,0.06904378886307984,0.0,0.0,0.19141213346042776,0.0,0.05008575313624709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264384450169621,0.0,0.129542164289758,0.1154787009641944,0.05817591050516443,0.0,0.0,0.05937680547986522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036522481910587865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955840295349034,0.11590689518917263,0.0,0.055477081430593635,0.06567428991338545,0.11589584729999985,0.0,0.06370255246266084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03740441742707061,0.10245244551736513,0.047714284520419516,0.05411360202906206,0.05089653073324138,0.0,0.05338691801113666,0.0,0.05726893985234745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351990325485433,0.14451157908765247,0.0,0.0,0.08750635205001174,0.0,0.11834999752672246,0.0,0.03218485382517455,0.04749961949559841,0.0,0.12487234250444874,0.0,0.0,0.05007884194637388,0.12057007250613315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039277620354193,0.0,0.0,0.03795874420518983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639298067073313,0.0,0.0,0.05619779366251554,0.0,0.1253082115442844,0.0,0.062246126075676735,0.04616204067937641,0.063882535306617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24000202992542186,0.027667176260586616,0.05675940660965473,0.100012891720882,0.0,0.04755600091871817,0.0,0.0,0.048145877632788214,0.4600073615106055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705004309651745,0.11414199365028993,0.0,0.0,0.06632585488771645,0.0,0.06019007398252265,0.04163049696123276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097323444508356,0.1086784551383849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051932073371505,0.0,0.0,0.061326142952728924,0.0,0.15704395862389378,0.049448237545974535,0.0,0.0,0.05353485169410322,0.06384324398486743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619892000832152,0.05693006450241905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255887890437943,0.0,0.0,0.0608007865709304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900709122812856,0.0,0.05731386510624024,0.0,0.051554978108269325,0.0,0.06397721170615267,0.0,0.04684596886769425,0.0,0.0,0.05772844446247698,0.04798348833776068,0.043597515712065056,0.0,0.0,0.04008390191467527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238908278689402,0.0642644901236645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575326527155853,0.07524659417062833,0.14514811563486835,0.05563993181255288,0.17983559933750934,0.0660442938360839,0.0,0.0,0.10822720405812412,0.0,0.07689782517143866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237133925471345,0.0,0.13361035301037066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20367323893352746,0.0,0.10220181918888023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061414192801033725,0.12368470948127705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940603670857704
suicidewatch,livybreeze,2019/03/17,"Chronic illness, failing grades, bad anxiety, and a bad breakup. Any advice? I'm 16 and i'm in my Junior year of high school.  This past year i've been diagnosed with PANS which causes my panic, anxiety, and OCD to flare up when I catch certain illnesses.  I got extremely sick around November which caused my PANS to flare up and caused extreme panic and anxiety to the point where I physically couldn't leave the house without having a breakdown.  They ended up putting me on Lexapro which worked for a bit.  I was still catching up on all of my school work around like December and around that time I fell into a bad state of depression.  By the time January came along I was suicidal and had a plan and everything.  I ended up telling my therapist and she said it must be from the lexapro.  They took me off of the lexapro immediately and I was on a 24/7 watch until they thought the meds were out of my system.  Ever since then i've just never fully felt the same and i've had no motivation.  I'm still depressed (not as bad as it was) and the anxiety has still stuck around.  I've been out a lot still because of the anxiety and i'm so behind in all of my classes (i'm currently failing about 4 out of the 8 classes I have).  I'm so unbelievably stressed out because of this and I feel like a failure.  My boyfriend broke up with me as well soon after the watch ended and i've had to deal with seeing him daily in all of my classes and with my friend group.  We dated for about 1 1/2 years so it's been really rough.  I feel as if I have nothing to look forward too and no matter how hard I try in school I feel like I still haven't caught up at all.  I've caused my parents so much stress with all of this and they've been threatening to put me in public school as well.  I truly feel like I have nothing to live for at this point, i'm so numb and thoughts of dying are starting to slowly come back.  I'm so stressed about my grades and I feel like i'll never be good enough it's literally been making me physically sick.  So much bad shit has happened in such a short amount of time and I feel like I can't take much more.  Any advice or similar stories?? I'm just so lost and feel like i've had no one to talk to about this. ",2.5156828345373263,4.103386315904142,3.6972600619195086,90.06898606811147,75.81917211328977,7.010228184841187,24.715112945763106,7.7627490962704995,1.108870152505447,1745,58,383,25,38,567,200,459,0.214,0.716,0.07,-0.997,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,3,7,33,30,1,5,20,0,27,8,1,7,10,77,60,41,2,3,6,1,10,7,1,1,7,1,0,0,13,40,0,0,11,0,0,10,10,18,2,1,24,15,43,12,75,32,14,72,0,6,4,0,14,34,1,3,35,247,56,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589538169232595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761173830078524,0.0,0.2463947069941828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293796734493787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953281007248239,0.2689281366209611,0.07853619024218593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032684100213685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367605563492767,0.0,0.26469661935885663,0.0,0.05548966855075341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641125036173956,0.11096478922789522,0.06538204858142282,0.06685482878461348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116341756705872,0.06656013299277118,0.0,0.0,0.05826899772176016,0.0,0.0,0.05789397838898965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279987165023713,0.276117737591953,0.06185056340561669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976852824247557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054030046939277376,0.051520277347476065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056963870653278924,0.0,0.05770511120086525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806025291320562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432873922044626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820845793294009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202967504871686,0.0,0.05688152127947951,0.0,0.054094179893814966,0.0,0.07031892582425503,0.05476515509083826,0.0,0.0,0.042998946057863384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715529288901609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206204568413122,0.0,0.09936495044201424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361998042866874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043650726167543376,0.0,0.0,0.1511592859112281,0.07152761886742144,0.0,0.06149345608970795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179005139978795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295140504275755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126727408235604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061275458500171034,0.0,0.0,0.2607743687082401,0.051332126315072085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612327604686906,0.05328652994940291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559478844162078,0.0,0.2572180853901076,0.0,0.22136887391093427,0.0,0.0,0.07046190386562004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048433677987980116,0.05177606295500325,0.056303426077257475,0.0,0.0,0.07479327301479274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022800390480928,0.11268646993158675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156982091075123,0.043735014592339874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158375032969778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209583130603684,0.0,0.09379290093841057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444759266655787
suicidewatch,DarnisDarby,2019/03/17,I just want to die. I feel like I’m living only so that I dont hurt my friends. I wanna get better. I just don’t know how. ,-3.2360000000000007,-1.714231599999998,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,98.33333333333331,3.0,10.833333333333336,3.1291,-2.022666666666667,92,1,26,0,4,34,23,30,0.2,0.4970000000000001,0.303,0.3151,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,7,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,3,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30769976551481976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36107758025417336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40775010629283537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591468891277226,0.24854830076713166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687958383454929,0.0,0.18176958619644634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724468395171399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120325839555471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699721600408299,0.0,0.30721254452599345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646026454068808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520742784783366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dovakooon,2019/03/17,"Diagnosed with PTSD, having an episode I don’t want to go in detail but i’m currently laying in bed, having a panic attack. I’ve never felt this low my entire life ",0.8288235294117641,3.2001227647058816,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,86.05882352941177,5.752941176470588,17.323529411764707,7.1686216300943375,0.5206117647058823,130,3,24,2,4,46,30,34,0.308,0.6609999999999999,0.03,-0.9102,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408548968293624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644975669033342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34480993425698925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409523477027736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536559117167615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769742112506655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4213480085506451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197901346399518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181730786719935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrLittleForest898,2019/03/17,"I've forgotten what it's like to think normally I think about killing myself or how i wouldn't mind dying, like easily every other day, but I've been like this for years now. I've convinced myself it's normal but I'm going through a moment of realising that most people have barely any or no thoughts like this. It's been a really emotional weekend for me and I relapsed in self harm after 9 months clean. I can't even bring myself to call the Samaritans as I'm worried idk why i just am. Every little thing that goes wrong i want to self harm or instantly think about how suicide could make it all go away. If i lived in America where i could get a gun i think I'd be dead by now. But that just makes me feel even worse about myself.",3.5025846702317267,4.5153587712418295,4.6423885918003585,86.5525668449198,72.39869281045752,7.916577540106951,23.713012477718358,8.296473431620573,1.2102078431372552,584,15,124,9,11,192,96,153,0.252,0.618,0.129,-0.9787,0,0,0,1,0,3,9.0,0,0,0,0,12,9,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,4,1,29,24,11,4,7,9,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,12,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,1,15,5,16,17,2,16,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,5,12,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905548110058926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368546944905974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487376777031303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325992745778529,0.0,0.0,0.0939402489793951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511746566749277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385068390520605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924173879875121,0.0,0.2454538428519279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365132634860587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610263358873788,0.0,0.16556668788852685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611539519747183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846533193268937,0.1459920714557995,0.12862263813847305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944616724282832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707758068080684,0.0,0.1162664015077716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854366058511968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098402273122616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933151143264331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039154680378995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593311106945565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677167899686352,0.3733385413130072,0.0,0.11563973813775005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591550444700502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143773148077373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792731864885597,0.14844251099617894,0.0,0.1592590549527408,0.0,0.09380186112409376
suicidewatch,yung_lilly,2019/03/17,"I am struggling. So, I don’t know if this will get lost or anything but I’ll like to talk about the resent events that are happening. The story is long and very much hard to read. I’ll be talking about 2 people one named Kevin and another name luis (not there real names). At the time the story took place when I was 15 I am 16 now. i am open for any help and would like some. (I don’t know if the formatting will be weird I am on mobile) 


(((TRIGGER WARNING))) 



So this actually happened not to long ago. Me and an ex (I’ll call him Kevin) dated for a year and a couple of months. At the time I was 15  and I was very upset and unhappy he had left. Kevin started dating another girl in a different state and that’s when i started feeling my depression was coming back. During this time one of his friends I’ll name him Luis decided to start talking to me. as me being who I am I wanted to get back at my ex. 



What I didn’t know was this guy was 19. He still went to my high school and everything. So during the time we talked he was very genuine nothing seemed off. Luis told me some stories about some gang relations back when he was living in another state but other than that he wasn’t to aggressive. One night I decided to go to a basketball game at our school and ask if he wanted to come. 



He agreed and when I waited for him he was very upset and angry. I asked luis what happened and he said people were blaming him for slashing people tires. At the time I believe him and told him how about we just go back to your place and Luis agreed. When we were walking to his car we passed the car with the tires slashed. One of my friends were walking in our Direction and she stopped and chatted with me and him. 


Once we got back to luis’s place I decided to sleep on his bed since it was Friday and I was tired. That same friend texted me and she has one of those gender neutral names so when her name popped up on my phone he read it and ask me who it was. I said it was the girl who was talking to us that same day. Luis didn’t believe me and started to choke and slap me.
I was scared I never had someone do this to me. 


After he took me home I felt un easy about him. At this point I was trapped in the state of mind that if I left him will he hit me again? I was scared to tell my family as well so I kept it hidden. I was so depressed and out of it that I didn’t know what to do. I have class with Kevin at times but Luis made block him on every thing I had. 

So I listen to luis not to talk to Kevin at all. Well me and Kevin got partnered up with a project that we had to do. Kevin knows me more then anyone else and he saw in my eyes I wasn’t happy. He tried talking to me but I was already scared if luis found out he would hit me again so I was quite. Luis started to get more and more aggressive with me at that point. 

When ever we would go out he always made me pay for things so I ran out of money quick. I missed Kevin a lot he had made an impact on me. He’s like my protector from any harm when he was with me. I got to upset thinking about Kevin and unblocked him and told him what happened. He told me to get out of the relationship as soon as I can and he wished he could beat him. 

I wanted to see Kevin because I missed him so much so we decided to make a lie that one of his sisters was my daughter and I wanted to visit her. When I told luis he got happy because he actually wanted one of my kids. Luis has a friend that is the same age as me that has a kid and I mentioned this kids name. The kid gets mad and told his girlfriend to text me and she did. The next day luis wanted to talk about the situation.

I went over to his house and he got really upset and mad. His friends called him and talk to me saying to never mention his name again and they all went there way. Luis didn’t know I was talking to Kevin so I texted kevin to pick me up because I knew what was going to happen. Kevin sadly couldn’t have the keys to car because his parents were strict. Luis actually saw these text and got very upset with me. 

What I thought he was going to do was hit me but instead he decided that locking the door and pulling a knife out was a better option. I was scared I thought he was going to stab me instead luis gave me the knife and told me to stab him. I said no and he grab the knife and tried to stab me but stopped when he got close to me. That day he took me home and I didn’t talk to him. I talked to Kevin and he helped me through it. It was far from over though. 

Luis and I still kept in touch because I was scared of him doing something to my family. One night luis wanted to come over and “talk” first I told him no don’t come over but he decided to anyway. Luis came to my windows and I opened it for him. This so called talk led him to rape me. I went to the police and did a report and a rape kit. 

It’s been a little over a month and nothing has happened to him and I feel as if I didn’t get my justice. Kevin and I are talking and yet I don’t know if I want to start another relationship. Ever since the incident happened I’ve tried killing my self 3 times and failing I’ve cut as well and lost all hope. I decided to take matters in my own hands and pretty much beat Luis’s best friend to hit him where it hurts. It didn’t get me anywhere and now I am facing charges. 

I am so depressed and out of my mental state that I rather kill my self then live right now. Nothing working and I am scared for my life. 


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suicidewatch,stupidmoronthrowaway,2019/03/17,"I just want him to care. tw, talk about self harm

My boyfriend and I have been arguing recently and I can’t stop thinking about killing myself. I’m trying my hardest in this relationship but we just keep fighting and I know the answer is to just break up but I don’t have the strength to go through a breakup. If we broke up I feel like I would just end it. He has a history of self harm but he stopped years ago. I hurt myself sometimes and I do it out of sadness and because I feel like I need to, not for attention, but sometimes I want attention for them. I want him to see them and hold me and tell me to stop but he doesn’t. He sees them and ignores them. It makes me so sad. I need him to hold me and tell me everything’s okay. He won’t give me that. Sometimes we’ll argue and it’ll get so bad that I’m crying and just sobbing that I want to die, help me I want to die. He thinks it’s for attention. Maybe it is. I do want to die, but if I didn’t want the attention I guess I’d just do it without saying anything. I didn’t just say I wanted to die during a fight for no reason though. We’ve sat down and I’ve told him that I was planning to kill myself. I wasnt threatening him with killing myself, I wasn’t guilting him. I just told him and he didn’t seem to care. No one cares. I showed all the signs; I gave some of my stuff away, I suddenly seemed happier (by this I mean that people who are going to commit suicide seem happier because all their problems will go away soon). No one noticed. I just want him to hold me and say that everything’s okay and that I shouldn’t kill myself because he needs me, why can’t he do this for me? It’s all I want. ",0.4213333333333331,2.2772682444444463,2.207777777777782,97.04500000000002,83.22222222222223,5.555555555555557,21.11111111111111,6.691623216298621,0.1656944444444446,1288,40,311,14,36,424,149,360,0.279,0.586,0.135,-0.9974,1,1,0,0,3,11,35.0,3,0,5,2,15,27,8,1,7,2,27,0,0,2,4,85,68,26,9,18,19,0,2,2,0,6,0,3,0,2,20,19,0,8,15,1,0,3,16,19,0,2,11,7,66,8,36,51,4,20,0,5,2,0,44,7,1,7,11,200,86,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734138925895314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251550758237881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274959607591484,0.0,0.06343042792164381,0.13892886637830892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23236449331612785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344770325914297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153727573261097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728544012553944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655097117918255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682379567506335,0.1085436582444024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039690345462910184,0.07287579680206635,0.1295237509444995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368774036481068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092000683826115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132572690696566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752419074994565,0.33619104753485746,0.0,0.0417502374195426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742286307876239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070948661043465,0.0,0.07632045315416634,0.08275184170124987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898878371952908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649050935787597,0.0,0.0,0.1029562869355026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266691255517709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269148428734469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781081518634551,0.07500961487723075,0.08156161466322011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18123932569393647,0.0,0.0,0.1210739336985802,0.20747629244230012,0.15850318640919345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254040245645987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053891344055165,0.0,0.0,0.08696562506580491,0.08309708256130545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610605098930702,0.13279943312769446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735494673817087,0.07463855213598491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518209403703333,0.0,0.05157754643318401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480812149747285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854965095590528,0.0,0.0,0.0732308117957101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396576076525048,0.0,0.0,0.04892114894733632
suicidewatch,JessicaMonte148,2019/03/17,Want to end it all I think about killing my self everyday. I research and read things online just to understand the best way to do it. I’m too scared to do it but I wish I had the courage because the pain life has dealt me is too much for me to cope with. I can’t keep going on with this life of suffering anymore. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. ,1.6757692307692302,2.653495294871796,3.0953846153846136,96.02461538461542,76.8205128205128,6.7384615384615385,23.256410256410252,7.1686216300943375,0.4803948717948718,275,8,69,3,6,90,55,78,0.152,0.6990000000000001,0.149,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,3,0,6,5,2,0,2,14,15,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,14,14,3,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,47,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207535909823195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569133210753515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335988348801364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715235372067486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25301077829809154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785191439035527,0.2462674547333395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314449672064152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363231746075374,0.0,0.17167833642933336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368558771808341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265439421334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228555830949104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23221425180912306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227549119113118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147881667094134,0.14262934789435952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317283677177481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625836021150027,0.17668488097951265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559722952775182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TwstdStephie,2019/03/17,"Feeling stuck... I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 10 years old (30 now). I’ve never gotten diagnosed or even told anyone about it. (This is my first time even posting about it.) I’ve dealt with it on my own my whole life and have managed to get by. This has changed recently and it’s become a daily thing now after finding out I was pregnant. I have a six year old and now another on the way and you’d think I’d be happy but I’m kind of more scared and anxious about it. I haven’t told anyone but my bf and I’m super scared to tell either of our parents. See, we live with his parents now and things aren’t the best, with his parents and us and with me and him. I love him but he just doesn’t give a fuck about anything anymore. If I could afford to move out on my own I would leave in a second but I can’t and I feel stuck here in this place where I feel unwelcome ever second of every day! I can’t go to one of my parents houses either...so then comes the suicidal thoughts...I know I wouldn’t act on them because of being pregnant and my six year old but how do I deal with it? I can’t seem to shake these thoughts! Even at work, I’ll be fine and then all of a sudden I’m thinking about how I should just buy some rope while I’m there so I can just end it. I have to make these thoughts stop, please! How do I make them stop?",0.9159750566893408,2.5814621394557875,2.423333333333336,97.0827777777778,80.66666666666667,5.307936507936509,20.41269841269841,6.0378880255834675,-0.16128253968253947,1055,28,252,7,27,343,148,294,0.149,0.765,0.086,-0.9525,6,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,1,2,4,23,13,1,4,8,0,24,4,0,5,3,61,52,28,2,5,11,4,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,14,24,0,2,11,0,1,5,8,7,0,6,10,4,36,6,34,34,8,42,0,1,1,2,22,11,1,4,24,172,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065852338748217,0.0,0.10844637530246397,0.09520067405685267,0.13424306637192246,0.0,0.07899523163065132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851730983322584,0.1060182993201028,0.0,0.0,0.10074022551807796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015493721003297,0.08269069627936328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664373636226132,0.0,0.0,0.06190846200745195,0.09896603595987416,0.08267985665975708,0.09743231961142436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502256693802336,0.0,0.0,0.190210234961335,0.08683245221956834,0.08087944235763461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561299513006054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773716437669521,0.08165280794705278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887452980799301,0.05015312447414117,0.09208659853015712,0.05455584330575255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218784927124257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076467674490133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996342049209307,0.0527560249150257,0.0,0.0,0.10164423443001257,0.0,0.0,0.06780370050664578,0.0,0.0,0.08476483502018893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663871545978025,0.0,0.1281540467502118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202688079893277,0.0,0.0,0.07403681759514692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021899997095775,0.0,0.06504830600299154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263617903532562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002937416241191,0.10537305087900116,0.0,0.0,0.09193612280511007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478291276679934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221432941190644,0.0,0.07649512742378607,0.08738971823778323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940757944511896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160511273484742,0.0,0.1003542145045182,0.0,0.21000463848467407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390335763104617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754885957112433,0.12301870152517592,0.0,0.228626549732358,0.055975120554100116,0.0,0.0,0.18345357161126405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546947249334565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619590553456305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107174346147478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698850839013816,0.0,0.0,0.06819168453775612,0.0,0.0,0.1854517851097983
suicidewatch,yohji_yamamoto_jeans,2019/03/18,"im just breathing i guess everything is boring, i cant even enjoy games anymore. i dont have something coming for me, anything. all i did today was sleep, liseten to 80s music, sin on this chair with a stone cold face just breathing, thats it. i didnt wish to be here, why am i here? i dont have a problem like most here, i guess. i had this idea a couple of minutes ago, youll think its creepy, but yohji doesnt care. i thought about going out and watch people socialize, atleast ill experience something right? suicide seems like the most viable option now, i might just have reached a point of no return, i might not be able to change anymore, im going to be the same person for the rest of whatever this is, and im young too, i guess the others of my species will have some fun with my corpse if im able to donate it, maybe they will have fun with it, yeah i guess. those guys who make the suicide statistics will have another number to add, some guy will have to clean the mess im going to do, atleast ill give a job to someone. whatever this shit is i dont like it its fucking dull, i dont enjoy it, i dont know how people enjoy this shit it doesnt have a fucking meaning, they just ran to the nearest indoctrination center to give them some paper, and pray to some magic guy that doesnt exist to help with their fucking shit. im fucking lonely, i dont takl to no one, i dont leave my room, my face is always the same,and i dont care about anything at this point, i want to stop breathing.  death looks beautiful, like its seducing me it seems. theres nothing in my brain, nothing worth atleast a penny. a lot of you can cry, get angry, or laugh sometimes, i cant do that shit it wasnt coded into me. do you guys understand? i dont. im awful im not worth anything.id like to have a gun with me, id shoot my legs, my arms, my chest, then my fucking head to finish the job. maybe this isnt real, maybe it is a dream, maybe its a dream, it feels like a fucking dream, a stupid fucking dream, NIN keeps me company. i dont know what to think already i could just stare at the wall for a year and i wouldnt care, im like a fucking wall, emotionless, friendless, i dont go anywhere, i wont go anywhere, and im just rotting away.but i guess the wall is better than me, it doesnt have this fucking little voice in its head. i want insects to feast on my corpse already. i dont understand this, is this fucking real? is it? ",1.3117083854818539,3.0896243627450986,2.8481894034209425,93.96940550688362,79.88235294117645,5.438464747601168,22.419691280767626,6.246984511938701,0.2587488527325825,1875,59,423,14,47,614,208,510,0.266,0.639,0.095,-0.9986,2,2,2,2,0,2,74.0,0,3,4,1,16,38,15,0,26,2,60,29,16,2,1,66,105,10,3,7,11,0,1,7,0,9,2,1,2,5,34,14,0,2,12,5,3,7,27,21,0,1,7,6,54,17,43,85,10,34,2,2,3,11,18,18,14,19,16,254,88,5,0.0812380718101292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360063245174552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964823235510397,0.0,0.03379829179613688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259260078544377,0.0,0.0,0.08056633791456823,0.0,0.0,0.06685201116742018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03816292132970573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03592423638708924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045344277591766256,0.0,0.0,0.12424144266614158,0.0,0.042969554095601895,0.03498970277697611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03243099496916087,0.044944190642543534,0.04461810361872707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712624907913002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02682849012804381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036505770340917315,0.03973321129705693,0.0,0.0,0.020538205019071828,0.029018247366645288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755164416780762,0.021221769771514597,0.0779309609735876,0.11542367085448987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373223740014286,0.16087692664696704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833736988614772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02722608355463516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585394737077479,0.43875529039026595,0.0,0.08061625103143437,0.0361040654443856,0.0,0.0,0.04464631970772684,0.0,0.0,0.04300969409767808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891086437522146,0.04071094498048982,0.0,0.0,0.03410975999464974,0.0,0.0,0.034532851776016116,0.0,0.0,0.027113521878613576,0.0,0.16322912454454874,0.04424603797903001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618075624451213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795012090473181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027524509958183542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632025016597115,0.03546697540305041,0.0,0.0,0.07679623632593073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388669316405237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246671099725716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0346884347242836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395608948734489,0.0,0.0,0.16677942658127332,0.0,0.0,0.04064837048701507,0.04140599182940365,0.034416377308607554,0.0625410366125291,0.04017326513616762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033959332816663364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886126508767675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052054076166361526,0.0,0.03224697731828214,0.0,0.0,0.0385020965787958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457169776882444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791631955947708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03665236201744166,0.0,0.04670988668027573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026157327375457475
suicidewatch,disappearingmoon,2019/03/18,Would it be out of line to... Ask someone to call me so I hurt myself... just until I fall asleep?,-2.8807142857142836,-1.5569801428571424,-0.056785714285712885,104.82053571428574,112.33333333333334,2.1,10.011904761904765,3.1291,-2.182438095238095,71,1,18,0,4,24,19,21,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.6559999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516100300139018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932737120096615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171419107777192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093079844034951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431627075481394,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3aria,2019/03/18,"What’s the equivalent of dying without killing yourself? I can’t commit the act because I’m religious and believe I will go to hell. So I’m stuck here which feels like hell. I wish I could see things differently. To me, dying here would be making changes so that my life as it is currently would be completely different, and so would my perspective. For example, I am currently disabled in a way because I’m fighting Lyme disease, receiving treatments for celiac disease for my immune response, and am a lesbian in the closet living at home. If I could stop being jealous of other people’s lives every second maybe I wouldn’t want to die. I also don’t have much energy. I lie on the couch a lot and can’t walk fast. I have peripheral neuropathy. It feels like things won’t get better and that if I knew of it would ever get better, maybe I wouldn’t want to die. I don’t know. It just feels like my life is meaningless because I have no purpose other than surviving until further notice. I can’t physically do anything meaningful. I tried reading a book today but got 30 pgs. in and felt extremely fatigued. It feels like I’m meaningless. Like I have no point. My brother moved to Austin and doesn’t call ever to see how I’m doing. My sister doesn’t either. It seems like my family doesn’t have the capacity to care much about me. It makes me feel bad. I know I’m really depressed right now and didn’t realize until today when I stopped speaking. I need someone’s help",2.750985221674874,5.0646505862068985,4.358940886699512,82.25836206896555,77.6206896551724,7.315270935960593,26.219211822660107,8.306716005460428,2.013093596059113,1170,46,216,23,28,391,153,290,0.147,0.713,0.14,-0.7941,4,0,0,0,2,3,29.0,0,0,0,3,13,17,5,0,9,0,33,5,0,3,3,47,63,20,5,14,6,2,6,6,0,8,4,1,3,0,15,8,0,2,12,2,0,5,15,8,0,1,5,9,30,9,24,45,4,27,2,2,2,1,7,8,2,4,19,141,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324899446530486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537540134865296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647852744393856,0.16750754280254931,0.0,0.0,0.10319691207410964,0.0,0.16201778756001653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352938210436106,0.0,0.0933878521783841,0.0,0.09689603436514338,0.0,0.09603627832110162,0.0,0.0,0.1462633191880967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889118432257584,0.0,0.3802472230840092,0.19139588229887056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570698765058434,0.07717327112939926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634821081039726,0.0,0.23156752044699894,0.2617437535236129,0.08794617161064333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570987534545118,0.0,0.05205590894792361,0.0,0.07325739497819363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139462191924895,0.0,0.09187788795950988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133699668187077,0.0,0.10067712871891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293934085162996,0.2684939971000983,0.0,0.16176124376145248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787133152395798,0.0,0.0,0.12228159230440383,0.0,0.18404024889427145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735166199052923,0.13466665848739426,0.06791700112432345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428223504557936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350087882450216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658747933007638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162041988874546,0.0,0.05867850781809952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782221699494258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597972084550453,0.08338522401854369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760868244057273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315610081965236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170413686091502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364389981467926,0.0,0.0,0.062187422182521726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805095478432024,0.07270434989854822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533045734880468,0.08829492143074562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602676381636035,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,THUNDERTITTY44,2019/03/18,I just fucking wish no one loved me I just want to be able to go leaving no one behind,-0.6514999999999986,0.9379688500000009,1.8800000000000023,99.395,85.5,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.6854999999999998,67,2,17,0,2,23,15,20,0.19,0.4970000000000001,0.313,0.5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,0.3622522250392915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348963447942379,0.0,0.0,0.2058762875956313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835728012244752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269467763691046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909429656957913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136657479596904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165721811027345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImDriftAndImABot,2019/03/18,"I'm just gonna end it all now, I can't do it anymore You know for like over 100 days on Reddit I've been trying to act like I'm this happy guy but I'm done. I deleted my account a little over a week ago and made a new one. But that isn't the point. 

I got banned and blocked by the owner of a server and community I loved. They literally turned their backs on me. All they do is just tell me to get help. I can't tell an IRL person face to face or on the phone how I feel. That's gonna make me break down more.

Whatever I say they just tell me I'm attention seeking and I feel like I cannot say anything. What's even the point of having me anymore? What's the point of my existence? To be this random guy who pretends to be a Fortnite character? I'm literally in bed crying my eyes out while I write this.

What also doesn't help is my parents getting mad at me for my grades and not talking to her. I just get really scared and nervous when talking face to face especially when it's my parents. I'm literally failing school and no matter what I do I just keep falling and getting into more trouble.

It even gets worse. I have autism, bad anger issues, and a horrible memory. I cannot remember anything we do at school. I fail because of this. My autism makes me sensitive to everything. To top it all off, my bad anger issues gets mad and upset at everyone.

I just can't do it anymore, I literally want to kill myself. I don't think anyone will care anyways. I just wish I was born without any mental disabilities. I wish I was actually normal. Because I can't do anything right and I'm good at failing. There's no point in me ever trying anymore.

Thanks for reading this, as I'll be committing suicide soon unless some crazy miracle happens that makes my life go 1000% better. I doubt it though.

-Drift",1.4225275675675668,3.4822350826666657,3.435236036036038,88.48543783783786,80.84,6.294054054054056,23.46846846846847,7.432916251226849,1.0165279279279278,1416,50,300,21,37,479,184,375,0.244,0.628,0.128,-0.9957,2,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,1,1,4,5,20,24,5,4,12,0,27,7,5,5,5,55,61,22,2,4,13,2,2,3,0,3,1,2,1,3,20,14,0,3,6,2,1,4,13,15,0,1,6,5,50,9,36,49,6,40,0,3,1,1,26,22,0,4,16,190,70,7,0.0,0.0,0.08403217763439276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633244502970736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886315135577999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585586163519517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415969634516451,0.060211002037786385,0.0,0.2125867136933952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662142511522931,0.14379862684213832,0.10498526164033067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615842038868316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779617858641559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458918641238148,0.05553464521973329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812172620976055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626902587251802,0.0,0.0,0.11375136314933645,0.07789257350623116,0.0,0.0822830085206942,0.07739125681834902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870808907400228,0.06151790835799124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993750618427176,0.0,0.048939019067920614,0.07222604759496548,0.06887104888112826,0.0,0.0,0.17052739101258024,0.07614791150600111,0.09166704794512484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543713801173562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797555865424111,0.0,0.07653965318083232,0.09526936159852983,0.0,0.04732450188322725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082293647948118,0.1262088503425128,0.08630611459173486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771878301181448,0.08148056557746512,0.17243982378909972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677990638150297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316680097562434,0.0,0.0,0.08437076125989385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583512250003231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912327490841904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518903933143438,0.0,0.0,0.3256119343697917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613457274239096,0.0,0.05516508444526248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975472823057192,0.07353855391361426,0.0,0.13695827601214633,0.08621240331212128,0.17429840461767632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419175274731344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384259536724366,0.2257951359649516,0.07927968782692985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517662467346193,0.08460388537736538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692779941734754,0.0936643340794992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050790657999909915,0.0,0.06907326648972541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804742112111606,0.08300819120885157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775474062781473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Raptormethalox,2019/03/18,"Have a strong feeling I won't make it to the end of this year or maybe even month with how I'm feeling. Grandad is circling the drain and probably won't be here much longer and my moms health has taken a significant downturn in the past year. And my only friend feels extremely distant and that's probably my own fault, turns out you shouldn't profess your love to your one and only friend unless you want to fuck things up. It's just extremely hard to cope with everything above and deal with my depression and intense anxiety. for most of the day I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack and can never get any relief at all. I sometimes think things will get better but this is all I've known for a good chunk of my life and I can't remember when I was last truly happy so I usually talk myself out of this delusion of having a good life because all I've ever known is shit and more shit. I don't know why I'm posting this, I used to be able to tell my best friend this stuff but I can't anymore. I guess I just want to feel not alone even though it's probably what I deserve. The future looks promising for humans but for me, not so much. ",5.00017857142857,4.767706375,5.501547619047622,86.1525,68.58333333333334,8.69047619047619,27.97619047619048,8.192908349453996,1.5718690476190469,910,26,199,11,14,293,136,240,0.106,0.6990000000000001,0.195,0.9681,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,3,11,20,4,1,11,0,17,7,2,3,5,47,39,20,0,3,9,1,6,1,3,4,3,0,0,1,13,15,0,0,10,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,2,7,24,13,27,31,9,20,0,1,1,2,13,7,3,3,13,130,37,0,0.11038567408254776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143262677720454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506604366218783,0.0,0.08444473853427252,0.0,0.10947292717443677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255796400622183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672900823579365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584295469474205,0.0976271583293584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711896278042722,0.11380278296042318,0.09507501933758568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776894303323401,0.0,0.0,0.14581739331887206,0.09985016190677196,0.0,0.0,0.09920752615604032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790715676726749,0.07885954762067271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558510939180177,0.10204977695826052,0.115343917414898,0.0,0.0,0.18517253241521411,0.0,0.0,0.12160226499286285,0.0,0.0,0.11750760267414112,0.09888388202193064,0.0,0.0,0.11733480968291668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066507964099506,0.08997905735693698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559373321934386,0.053928864560964164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269616488691362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962738060395654,0.0,0.07368329460890749,0.0,0.11089724645894143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292823673598118,0.08810879191192908,0.0,0.1622923431782373,0.0,0.08513623691341046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480018956203377,0.16790655861751355,0.0,0.1295138046137327,0.0,0.0,0.10537561631116442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571896235244603,0.0,0.3570432800193897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504545033439518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266186163219493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917425422201743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263651872833774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872382349253365,0.09648194459367994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667067385125382,0.07073068277393131,0.1084533643274236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006791535755088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533778055001246,0.12157422483135877,0.0,0.1302166611361682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960590146622372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216950994534747
suicidewatch,OmegaOkra,2019/03/18,"I've had enough, I just want to drink until I'm dead This is all bullshit. All of it. None of it matters and no one cares. I wish it was over ",-2.85818181818182,-1.2187537878787855,-0.143272727272727,107.84509090909091,102.03030303030305,2.64,12.66060606060606,3.1291,-1.9581466666666667,107,2,30,0,5,36,26,33,0.282,0.545,0.173,-0.6569,0,1,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,7,7,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,5,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472700218838997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42974566250464064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532803196367182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297265258044899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587486047898709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044677103554327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZTB,2019/03/18,"Hi I'm freaking out and need someone to listen to me I'm having the worst night in a while

I don't know what to say, my brain's extremely scattered and I can't organize my thoughts. I keep thinking about killing myself and the thought is so pervasive that I can't get anything done.

I'm 20 and haven't held a job for more than 4 days, I don't even know how I would get a job at this point, I live at home with my parents and I have random panic attacks because sometimes my lung starts hurting and I think it's going to collapse because it has collapsed many times in the past. This is probably confusing to read because I'm writing all of this spontaneously.

Basically I'm in constant mental torment and I just want to die so that it stops. I am sick of the panic attacks, I am sick of the intrusive thoughts, I am sick of everything. I am simply over it. I don't think I can do this. I feel like a worthless piece of shit and a burden on everyone I know.",3.440362473347548,4.224397915422888,4.803315565031983,86.19682835820898,72.33333333333334,7.732906894100925,30.775053304904052,7.957251820313856,1.9820814498933903,755,33,162,10,14,252,110,201,0.28600000000000003,0.696,0.018000000000000002,-0.9948,3,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,13,4,3,10,0,19,6,3,1,1,32,43,12,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,11,10,0,3,10,1,0,1,6,12,0,0,5,3,24,1,23,37,4,18,0,2,0,0,5,9,1,2,9,105,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654374931350116,0.0,0.0,0.2945843161710291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367732884886897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453265534346038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991234988131968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349820008562442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437064376620275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249396836587082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551449318416511,0.0,0.0,0.12371526066158707,0.11636034805171094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654645186790638,0.09249423671656848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528669543614222,0.0,0.07358145514316565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987014977117475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860157575936136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569603364355711,0.11507993344497915,0.14324067769423945,0.0,0.21346192335775196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325307860693292,0.0,0.1143254237827574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126345500898282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047649728893487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600123929614088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149993162126844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038130667355153,0.14376242328349234,0.0,0.12359489108563053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239211369182965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959182984845606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950621653703026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296067876725054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290030551081158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970051049217094,0.0,0.12805030738876522,0.0,0.09164036744484838,0.0,0.0,0.1082437036459904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488797125904959,0.0,0.3083569640631766,0.07549568611929998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636545632689226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091972611418193,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NtG_,2019/03/18,"I thought it was easier Im hanging. The pressure to the neck is painful, but I have sent some texts, written a letter, ran from a taxi and ready to go to the other side. Any ideas to make this more tolerable? ",3.3717829457364346,4.15022323255814,4.54418604651163,88.01224806201557,72.48837209302326,7.593798449612403,28.286821705426355,7.793537801064563,1.4936263565891466,161,6,36,2,3,53,35,43,0.083,0.7959999999999999,0.121,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,3,2,1,1,0,6,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,5,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917058831875263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437864940957262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842409268053655,0.46334782639619393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28633253441175976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564411389292897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34054442591411505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TiAlterEgo,2019/03/18,"May I have your Time? Take your Time What I am about to write here is quite spontaneous so yeah.

First something 'bout myself. I cannot really express myself properly but I think by writing this I might get overwhelmed by my feelings. 
Well in this case it is good. I tend to keep my anger and frustration, sadness and hatred within me, in order to keep living as someone ""normal"". If I would express my sadness or hatred just like that, people would think of me as some kind of maniac or weirdo. 
To be honest I probably am one but I guess anyone is when having uncontrollable emotions. I really want to express myself with more honesty however I know that my words are somewhat too direct sometimes and some people do not want to hear what is right but they will hear what they want. 

I will be honest with you, I am lighty racist and of course I do know that it is wrong to be like that.
I tend to judge people by their looks and their country of origin. 
I hate having a ""status"" telling you how great or terrible you are.
I hate those pretenders. ""Look at me I am depressive because I have the luxurarity to do so.""
""Oh I heard being depressive is a trend now? Guess I give it a try.""
Because of people like those I am not being taking seriously and I loath it.
My hatred goes as far as you could imagine from massacrating someone to ... well lets keep it at that.
I am constantly being pressured with having success in everything that I do.

I cannot stand mistakes from others, but I myself am full of flaws.
I always keep on complaing about people, yet I am terrible myself.
I don't do anything for my passions, yet I dream big like the biggest dreamer.
I hate hypocrisy, but from all hypocrits I am one of the greatest.
I am an envious person. I envy people who have, which I call ""natural luck"". Basicly unexplainable luck most likely people who have more fortune and luck than brain. 

I have listed a bit of myself for now and I want you to know who I am.
I am still a young person but who is also quite wise for his/her age. I am not the confident type but I am sure on this one.
I am an realism and pessimism.
I am suicidal but I am still aware of my actions.
I know that life is pretty by itself even though it doesnt look like it at first for someone suicidal. 
I am just to young to understand and not experienced enough. 
I barely took a glimpse of 10 percent from life, might as well wait a bit more. 
There is still so much I want to tell..

One last thing, I want you to know that I am TRULY one of the WORST in humankind but I still keep a clear mind and sadly I keep on going even though I want to give up. People  will relate with me when they have ever experienced how truly hard it is to ""give up"".

I thank you for time reading this.

Have a pleasent day/night.





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suicidewatch,Justfuckingkillme98,2019/03/18,I am 16 and just want it all to end I had to leave school my girlfriend dumped me I am garbage and ugly and fat and stupid my family won't support me I tried to kill myself but it didn't work for a year I didn't care sometimes I tried to do something but I had no support then my ex told me she left because of her depression I knew she had and she wanted to get back together I love her but it's too late I'm not in school I don't care about myself and I'm fucked I am nothing nobody cares and I know when I do it everyone will eventually be happy and the girl I love will be happier without me it sounds irrational but I know it's true there is no hope the one person who says she values me isn't enough to want to live and I love her so much I know I seem like a piece of shit but when I'm gone in the end they will all be happy,-1.3089298245614032,0.6390282736842111,1.2848684210526322,99.9511622807018,92.57894736842104,4.640350877192981,15.81140350877193,6.21433560688645,-0.6714385964912282,652,15,166,7,24,222,97,190,0.211,0.575,0.214,0.7737,0,0,1,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,8,19,5,0,5,0,20,6,2,0,3,29,44,18,1,4,8,1,0,1,1,4,1,2,0,2,7,9,1,0,5,0,0,1,9,6,0,1,8,2,36,13,14,29,5,12,0,1,0,4,18,3,2,2,9,113,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660243425483303,0.0,0.07658345189172515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38426733318539097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820574019829618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225434382874517,0.12981033908672168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200457421564444,0.0,0.0,0.11843366462003807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614377498710922,0.06563697829465581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674729327403072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247798653330318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899201576945075,0.0,0.20713042897528225,0.0,0.14171716674117366,0.1330250204550967,0.13649837843283974,0.0,0.0,0.061376928961253414,0.0,0.11093441724131976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401604713007965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235319248141743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054627038592455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513077288781612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969608660215742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990676194229263,0.0,0.2542904266043074,0.0,0.11436968482605568,0.0,0.0,0.12895834937861664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967168315097802,0.1242522070570882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851289924133152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200457421564444,0.0,0.17059031642292372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230114128653494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110373815785415,0.0,0.09146081691321653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090220314677246
suicidewatch,riskibusiness42,2019/03/18,"I keep hanging up on the suicide hotline What do people even talk about? I've tried therapy so many times and it's just never worked. I just don't understand what people get out of it. 

I keep calling people and they don't answer which is is fair. What do I even want from them? I called the suicide hotline several times but hung up. What are they even going to say to me? Life is worth living? Oh cool. Sounds good. ",-0.5324313725490201,1.5288692470588288,1.0576470588235305,97.57274509803922,103.58823529411764,3.6784313725490194,16.254901960784313,5.6839178017228535,-0.5257686274509803,326,9,69,3,15,104,56,85,0.063,0.789,0.14800000000000002,0.7514,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,3,1,7,2,0,0,2,1,8,1,0,0,1,12,14,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,9,14,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35981285693251885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491091724256962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920503346378258,0.0,0.10013102245170352,0.1477771343003868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132058581092096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444595200719125,0.0,0.0,0.15557617817313665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862576834094349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588612686866194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664372432516762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011082027702687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904094194566127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854395404213928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161228135607332,0.0,0.0,0.2014849682487144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054718876409859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961927651673487,0.0,0.0,0.18341667929502165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391954341110712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826609362356914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peasant717,2019/03/18,"I think I might kill myself in the next few hours. I’m 15, I’ve need diagnosed with GAD and Panic Disorder. I’m horribly depressed and have been in and out of that state for about 4 years now. I’ve gone to counseling. I’m on antidepressants (citalopram if your wondering). They helped for a little while but not anymore. School is incredibly stressful. Just going there gives me panic attacks. My grades are awful, partly because I’m an awful procrastinator and I have no motivation to do anything, and partly because I’m just plain stupid. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for years. I’ve struggled with self harm for months. But I think tonight is the night. I’ve never attempted before. I love my parents so much and they love me even more I could never hurt them like that. But now I feel like this is my only option. I’m crippled by fear and dread at the thought of leaving my house half the time and I’m drowning in self hatred and depression. I have 17 doses of my medicine, I hope that’s enough to do me in. I’ll write a nice long note for a final goodbye, and hopefully I won’t wake up tomorrow.",1.5807021877205365,4.162870041284407,2.944220183486241,88.88791813690901,84.8256880733945,5.922653493295695,23.06351446718419,7.321109707123232,1.078421453775583,871,32,173,14,26,282,132,218,0.325,0.606,0.069,-0.997,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,3,2,8,20,3,6,8,2,14,5,1,1,2,36,35,16,3,5,7,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,13,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,13,0,1,5,1,23,7,23,27,6,28,0,3,0,2,12,9,0,6,18,105,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195193482552794,0.0,0.0,0.09917428309522217,0.0,0.0,0.13710418750795708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693069775415046,0.0,0.10255011934311878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622210670899713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207600265013098,0.12232105974379172,0.0,0.0,0.13812161507701615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452509795902615,0.0,0.07959958806064045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561384644305607,0.06093643925619971,0.08609655353702718,0.0,0.13201923243957672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156097931911409,0.06849193978948871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807792397227818,0.0,0.0,0.2393988809093141,0.11868384475056175,0.13905912017336586,0.12901471930893402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333294174395854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760889324929595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775592214142935,0.12078855107164665,0.0,0.10665274253850067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754053546393284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784828111975868,0.0,0.0,0.09619460862770136,0.0,0.08859302287851177,0.08936098217674761,0.18589851959624887,0.0,0.1281699829523503,0.11309596942381007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165774119557032,0.0,0.2827987871892688,0.1338185989984259,0.2610138615794759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196848304120565,0.0,0.0,0.2514486483169969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805050896273616,0.12598934231377076,0.0,0.13182478890477514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444339207849786,0.0,0.19135226011492545,0.07027376637208986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069430790014286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552165234731042
suicidewatch,InterfaceRedemptions,2019/03/18,"These thoughts are nothing new I need to vent, everything isn't good I'm tired of everything, nobody seems to know or see what I'm going through.

Isolation and depression are my only friends.

I think I'm better off alone by myself instead of breaking someone's heart.

I need an escape maybe it could be Reddit or maybe just a rope. ",3.2614358974358986,5.5302219384615405,3.884230769230772,86.50993589743591,75.76923076923076,6.7948717948717965,27.756410256410252,7.793537801064563,1.806641025641026,266,11,50,4,6,84,51,65,0.157,0.6970000000000001,0.147,-0.1779,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,11,16,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,7,13,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159273310433932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438782395521894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664581127524071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795676144645702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37474531023795615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107480497367213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848669111548095,0.17486712146803796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24705543914867234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457776930611853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189019184232605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091776090878717,0.0,0.20135587606660585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004674582081355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158562051283134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613535756573658,0.18979669131825733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766484568238892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358861311473955,0.0,0.1655136079381844,0.0,0.239622557164978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justmadethis125,2019/03/18,"Suicide Hotline This is fucked up, I've just written a suicide note and getting ready to end it, but I want to give myself one more chance so I try the suicide hotline chat online and there are 70 people in front of me, well I'm scared now and and I don't know what to do. Help me",-0.7078278688524584,1.428525983606555,1.1181762295081974,100.62677254098362,92.44262295081968,3.0500000000000003,19.100409836065573,3.1291,-0.8456737704918034,219,7,51,0,8,71,47,61,0.245,0.59,0.165,-0.8385,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,11,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,6,1,6,10,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927795760191173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844123740087604,0.12344891286278932,0.2266656483912849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837653751397288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985579644355094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601125103138027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380993974597385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23656203129263015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7753707647001004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042168343575178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936673570795424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124481660416593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justatireddude,2019/03/18,"Where can I find a guide to making a successful exit bag? i have about $120 to work with, walmart nearby. can i get all the supplies i need?

​

please help",0.9640909090909098,3.419553818181821,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,86.57575757575758,4.512121212121213,20.37121212121212,5.985473137389443,0.08652121212121244,128,4,26,1,4,41,27,33,0.0,0.715,0.285,0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735124331917747,0.4188820159743187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31507496892104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801060502381635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310637814505698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301084870008276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556112997195366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784076105796185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509659480643163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188820159743187,0.0
suicidewatch,The14thDimension,2019/03/18,"Too much stress Everything is too stressful. There's nothing left. I think I might finally be done... Who knows though. Been there before.

I love you C.",0.9208333333333344,2.8484313214285706,0.9800000000000004,96.34833333333331,110.78571428571428,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.454195238095239,119,4,23,2,6,35,24,28,0.195,0.6709999999999999,0.134,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763504332169467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173382867048783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298628366002651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801753089643001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056037711218633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778866964546013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308356351176423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713235867332993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880148603986834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24541100950843595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5859501420600367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638822779586008,0.2512853503063159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blurrypeys,2019/03/18,"I'm a monster and i deserve to die I did something really bad to my ex. Something unforgivable leaving her with lifetime anxiety, trauma, and depression. The only thing keeping me alive is her not wanting me to die but i think i deserve it. My chest has been heavy for months. I hate waking up. I should die. I know i will kill myself eventually after i make up for all my sins.

I find comfort in knowing I'm going to die soon. I know it's selfish but i can't find any reason to live anymore ",0.408575780654985,2.804225653465348,2.9786138613861404,87.54527037319119,89.4950495049505,5.087890327494288,24.600913937547602,6.67199483983844,1.1044114242193452,385,17,76,5,13,133,67,101,0.366,0.591,0.043,-0.9908,0,0,2,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,0,7,2,2,2,1,18,18,4,5,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,20,1,12,14,1,7,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,51,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934833997464406,0.0,0.1230102390885274,0.0,0.15946867950787744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342598418080369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849531732893214,0.0,0.6675328843985293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293933417710083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913853644167638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875500489283564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142924893704051,0.177899465360167,0.0,0.265111577600587,0.0,0.0,0.17026215417827162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419878214444178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733409616744208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834764778730298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229433282980387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301149146686528,0.16532740605281787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475807336366576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682722790594984,0.10303304089673833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484298783854236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway10790,2019/03/18,How do people do it? I dont get how people keep going. I was sitting in my bed for an hour yesterday with a gun to my head and I just couldnt do it. I want to die but I cant bring myself to do it.,-3.216666666666665,-1.7841832448979569,1.0807142857142864,101.86011904761908,95.73469387755102,4.082993197278912,12.248299319727893,5.46131890053228,-1.4548394557823134,147,2,43,1,6,56,32,49,0.124,0.8759999999999999,0.0,-0.5042,0,0,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,1,2,0,9,13,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,6,11,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639828500981481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110309084042713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323212423870466,0.0,0.19931725417627902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35993086609892666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345379881537479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117282241892799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862779677036162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685854933664571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,presidentofme,2019/03/18,Is there something like free will? I don't think so. It wouldn't make any sense.,-1.1419607843137245,0.7679473529411779,-0.8858823529411772,111.50686274509803,104.88235294117644,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.2422392156862743,63,1,16,0,3,18,16,17,0.0,0.674,0.326,0.7003,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637866550199349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33319309881721443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455243503857755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250406193973896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370011415364055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dfreako,2019/03/18,"I'm having a hard time keeping it together People keep telling me how strong I am, and how well I push forward, but this last two years has really destroyed me. It started when I found out that my Mom was struggling with alchoholism. We found out because she was in the hospital for liver failure, and there she finally admitted to it. Before this our relationship, that was once really good, was dwindling. She was pushing me away, and kicked me out of the house, and I didn't understand why until that day. It was a rough blow for me then, considering my PTSD brought on from practically loosing my father to alchoholism as well along with the years of his abuse. He ended up in jail around the same time as Mom coming to terms with her disease.

After all of this, Mom made a comeback and went to treatment. I was so proud of her. We had some sessions together and it helped us open up to each other again. In the coming couple of months we really started to heal, although the scars we're still there...but suddenly she just dies. I get a call from my grandmother, her organs just didn't heal up, and everything took it's toll. I never got to completely heal our relationship. I barely got to say goodbye. Had to get it all together and sell all of her things a week later, and a month later my brother moved cross country. 

Work after that was hell, to a point where I had to quit because of how much shit management tried to put me through. I started to hurt myself, and my family urged me to quit. Took me a month to get a new job, and the time away roughed up my already meager bank account.

And now, I only have my grandmother, brother, and husband left really. We are supposed to fix mom's house, sell it, and move across the country soon, and idk if I can do it. I don't have the strength. I feel like life is moving 10x faster than what I can keep up with. I don't even know if I want to keep going. It's all so painful, life doesn't slow down, and as I've heard from so many people, life just gets harder. I feel like I've wasted my time. I've gone to college and I don't use my degree, and honestly anything good I have has come to me due to the death of family members. Death has painted my entire life. 

I know my death would destroy my family, and that's the only thing holding me back...but I'm starting to loose sight of that...I'm just so damn tired. Every time I think about moving or selling the house I shut down, but I don't have much time left. 

How do I keep moving forward when I'm not strong enough to do so?",4.267868795955883,4.9154815566406285,4.940753676470589,86.46123161764706,70.34765625,7.976654411764708,27.168198529411764,8.027739517013583,1.4949837316176473,1975,62,417,25,34,636,236,512,0.152,0.778,0.07,-0.9947,1,0,0,0,1,2,67.0,7,0,0,7,28,19,5,1,21,0,35,11,2,6,5,77,75,41,4,4,10,8,5,2,0,1,9,2,0,0,22,37,0,6,9,0,5,20,9,8,2,1,24,8,65,11,68,50,11,83,1,1,1,0,33,26,3,4,43,274,87,5,0.0,0.07700972226110858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172478650385725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348623282769836,0.05786028793749265,0.0,0.0,0.12213190657878285,0.049977970759984634,0.0,0.07924200976647415,0.0,0.055306873803442215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636826097051382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796509393991313,0.06814714947159453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191692225801176,0.0,0.04191709226725628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745566571474228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756723180606733,0.06715832143634917,0.0,0.04292929544963257,0.0,0.054761997599312384,0.0,0.05841428246994465,0.0,0.18381754889624707,0.0,0.06572793825227086,0.09286641989077676,0.0,0.07120002467996071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142529685895806,0.0,0.0,0.13583106915631102,0.0,0.036938768036103686,0.10903125028200013,0.10396659955494482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822371789685081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043565499932162514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499023677134666,0.06957964403465637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449857673788023,0.2888574953338067,0.0,0.0,0.07144028755715555,0.05298047715211021,0.0,0.0,0.14123685430339927,0.0,0.1836346036092044,0.06350759967127245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061500859000449985,0.0,0.06589581990136416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044904763963574,0.15563774417881607,0.3454027153569441,0.09555918935234474,0.0,0.050128980977370084,0.06277361557410391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921870009133929,0.0,0.09886488982915316,0.06916040782154054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012019117113414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061442300757908325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759769351046512,0.0653390087883636,0.0,0.1382626554888438,0.0,0.0,0.16655260336849284,0.0,0.0,0.13956292383714533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168748868071963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671753837484623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401822954994787,0.0,0.0519059505477468,0.0,0.0,0.06794801118282623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680943556520308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636101014078779,0.041646861311206214,0.0,0.0,0.2273984088948533,0.07470342847795701,0.0,0.0,0.14442606472520694,0.0441280694005641,0.0,0.06349172231398308,0.0676632077106685,0.07818227711701788,0.056135741499557065,0.0,0.0,0.0383363698331574,0.0,0.0521359319609336,0.0,0.11687855674278005,0.060252013962594324,0.058648849430736574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047317917696720495,0.0,0.0,0.04617134782454603,0.0,0.0,0.08371068440411357
suicidewatch,SpiritedMetal,2019/03/18,"Medications Making Me Suicidal My doctors rapidly switched my antidepressants. The ones I'm on now have massively destabilized me and are making my actively suicidal. I asked them to taper me off this drug and put me on something else, as it's been a horrible fit for me. 

They have told me to go to the ER, but my family would not be supportive of me, and racking up a huge medical bill for a bad medication fit seems like a terrible idea.

Should I taper myself? Find a new doctor? Or should I really go to the ER? :( ",3.815767326732672,5.491485762376243,5.923849009900994,75.07805074257426,72.56435643564356,10.594554455445543,29.45668316831682,10.686352973137794,3.6081772277227726,406,17,77,14,8,142,68,101,0.201,0.688,0.111,-0.9104,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,8,0,8,6,0,2,0,14,17,6,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,2,2,1,2,0,17,2,12,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,3,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807735804061818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411840101697298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34614382300848223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609199953115194,0.0,0.14125392136593082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940404556206342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454620710241165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219674394713185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088327629295895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260937303584741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257392518982661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.511024498577231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330924338542646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458050921314768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998326432519986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832409202188074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393419184841187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017459407394685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699164496857201,0.1918825827248252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615737975653246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011746990120065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snatchmyliver,2019/03/18,"i just don’t want to add any more pain to the world Basically I (17m) don’t want to live anymore. As one would assume, i guess, since I’m on this subreddit.... the short version is Ive had on-and-off depression and suicidal tendencies for the past 7 years. Life hasn’t been easy, either. My dad has severe PTSD and physical disabilities. My mom works a double full-time job. So I get to watch my 4 youngest siblings pretty much 24/7. I guess you could say our family is kind of dysfunctional. Oh and we’re also homeschooled and I haven’t done practically any substantive coursework in over two years now. Technically, I should graduate high school soon but I don’t think I can show my mom anything to put in my portfolio. Honestly? I don’t care. I’m tired of everything. I’m not passionate about any major or career path that I’ve looked into (I’m not ready for college anyway lmao). I’m  not remarkably talented at what I enjoy doing. I’ve had very few experiences because of my home-life. I’m not attractive. Every instance where I’ve tried making something last with a boy has ended in disaster..... I just really don’t want to be alive anymore. But at the same time I know for a fact that there are a lot of people who’d be pretty fucked up if I killed myself.... and I really don’t want to add any more pain into the world. I especially don’t want to burden my little brothers and sisters with that. But at the same time it would tear them apart a lot to see me give up on myself and throw my life away like I inevitably will. I just don’t know which would hurt worse....",2.992177068214808,4.6338707044025185,4.430943396226418,85.07925979680701,74.66037735849056,8.036961780358007,23.8659893565554,8.730908602173464,1.5575632317368164,1236,37,257,25,26,411,182,318,0.16,0.735,0.105,-0.9744,1,0,1,0,0,3,50.0,1,1,1,1,11,15,2,0,11,0,31,7,0,1,1,48,54,15,2,11,13,5,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,1,8,13,0,0,4,1,1,2,14,7,0,2,4,4,33,8,34,41,12,32,0,2,3,2,12,21,1,7,10,153,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284667413722217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817986985098703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548124621200387,0.0,0.0,0.08525170016432114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733301570978603,0.0,0.0,0.06315191498709602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562428896498108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271396509575506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922814965013283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060159430983806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175640395222076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728514148257975,0.0,0.09310651790497358,0.10133797792797301,0.09766225646591713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577397757724793,0.05412528125703157,0.09937991097679172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282480755549811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945617027565616,0.1039164769395315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090298637953222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280427381746192,0.0,0.11461499510582762,0.10788058184369184,0.11386866586950074,0.08444557625294863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634758646320928,0.050612377794228385,0.1038316488696544,0.091478259515798,0.0,0.08699558864305303,0.0,0.0,0.17614933486773546,0.0,0.0,0.06915196109225821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266366711838036,0.0,0.0,0.07615589029101426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020016987218147,0.0,0.22046953165827832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988952863454271,0.07182128101284192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079127070884476,0.0,0.0,0.1210996278577232,0.10414383836311056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273408738374282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823846820816577,0.0,0.1048459360754067,0.08255358624246091,0.0,0.0,0.11703539163502892,0.0,0.08569670616679444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975421544020116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331856432119987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638092730751034,0.0,0.0,0.12081676566129028,0.11906978579638465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033572458703917,0.0,0.10119944867055516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547857127844807,0.3055216766652119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542002340818868,0.0,0.10557443651144784,0.22077751747449967,0.0,0.0,0.1334264499494515
suicidewatch,lostalone90,2019/03/18,"Been slipping and today made it so much worse I had been doing good for a while but the past few weeks have been hard with me falling back into the dark thoughts. Today though I got a call that one of my good friends killed himself yesterday, I dont even know what to think or say. The news hit me hard since I'm feeling the same way again. I just wish I knew what to do.",5.734873417721518,4.285369037974682,5.406170886075952,91.47988924050637,67.48101265822785,8.40632911392405,28.610759493670894,5.985473137389443,0.9239088607594934,290,7,70,1,4,89,61,79,0.152,0.6759999999999999,0.172,0.4041,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,6,0,8,0,0,1,0,15,18,6,1,1,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,4,9,3,6,9,3,11,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,8,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125786853247586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086293100648725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054268655527935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299251175782299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946250009646984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197767885446994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32998207550856784,0.1573269783478424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35242709270481515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176304997952738,0.0,0.1081066863952624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861317837412585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460450354758833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329580515088446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877819789188971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564317087860197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272056703111026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604384246117442,0.1932666027183939,0.1561657886681008,0.0,0.0,0.3729162096810965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156139263287859,0.15778891824633628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620682304655365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046432286086244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,My_name_is_black,2019/03/18,"[20M]Took off of school to get better but now I just feel like throwing in the towel Hello r/suicidewatch, 

Guess I’m back again on the quest to find motivation in my life because I’m a piece of shit that lacks all sort of decency. After having a series of episodes where I had suicidal attempts I took a semester off of engineering school to get better and my life back on track but it almost seems as if all of it was in vain. I have about 15 books that I have planned on reading (a mixture of philosophy and self help) and I have yet to read one. On top of this I have gained 15 pounds due to stress eating after losing 40 pounds two years ago and I just feel like I’m moving completely backwards. I know what I would want to be/do with my life but I just feel perpetually stuck in this cycle where everytime I move forward whether it be though my anti depressants or my therapy I will always have this voice in the back of my head telling me that it’s not worth it and I should just go and jump off of a freeway overpass. I’m ashamed to keep coming back here for help because a part of me feels like a light switch will just switch on and I’ll make all the changes I want to make in a day. Becoming like my idols Noam Chomsky, Foucault, George Orwell, or Huey Newton seems pointless in my mind and I personally think I’m just destined to whither away in my bed. I’m really lost here and I don’t know what to do. I guess at this point I’m looking at this as my last ditch effort before I give up on myself completely. How do I become or at least work on becoming who I want to be and is it even worth it?

TL;DR:Black guy diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety falls into another depressive state after riding the high of anti depressants and feels like his life is pointless and that having depression is just a sign that he should just end it once and for all. 

Sorry for the shitty grammar. I’m on mobile.",4.678615384615384,5.158611682051284,5.470923076923075,83.62407692307694,69.35897435897436,8.701538461538462,27.907692307692308,8.726425361277474,1.8792430769230768,1516,48,315,24,25,495,193,390,0.174,0.732,0.094,-0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,11,23,18,1,2,15,0,22,8,2,4,4,68,57,26,1,8,17,0,5,5,0,5,5,1,1,3,21,18,1,1,12,3,2,10,2,11,0,2,5,8,35,7,59,45,8,58,0,7,1,0,11,32,1,10,22,207,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206586399463291,0.0,0.08140830772064846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764653522606938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524815061013691,0.062192827076602474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638224492619851,0.2500528951321037,0.0,0.09911713929599024,0.2693621059712855,0.06917869865941753,0.0,0.0,0.14380313282617668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860026143424463,0.07003111801416396,0.17047903067341008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052430551488792436,0.0,0.3501096894608343,0.08251586430049518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318825653847878,0.0,0.0,0.07200598963380403,0.0,0.0,0.05369663098525017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20553382071541215,0.2323175271137144,0.0,0.0,0.07430499426361532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849498078226771,0.07798854936958366,0.046203586047937104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911805448375906,0.08049790468056824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343530926029312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898481091029848,0.08589591050591767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226149030310161,0.0,0.0,0.08935862371506899,0.0662688055152717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969302064822336,0.1985907355682271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826993195243614,0.09095178318383597,0.0887464841950436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853423148882783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820879096075579,0.0,0.0,0.17281403716104052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657982753162466,0.05508969931667902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803792424522952,0.0,0.0,0.07098636864360151,0.0,0.0,0.07685298619803922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626402089458331,0.0,0.05208164721223743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455604319723327,0.0,0.14802148117023592,0.08481165298325223,0.0918437169927486,0.08345133552358469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910065715116974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312670351322383,0.0,0.0,0.08892693061596804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105812629988467,0.0,0.09297146718276593,0.0,0.0,0.052092542402553496,0.07987497445745187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065036989251748,0.0,0.0,0.07941643458164656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385518439222938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918598800514405,0.0,0.0,0.057751840561536635,0.0,0.0,0.05235331354604021
suicidewatch,Anonymous-angel,2019/03/18,"I'm a selfish asshole Idk if it's me forgetting to take my medication or my illnesses making me think about it, but i wanna hang myself.

It's been a whole 6 months since I entertained the thought of suicide, but suddenly it's all coming back.

Last night I went emotionally numb and had a couple of chest pains for some reason, too tired of life to reach for my blades which i put on a high shelf. (Im a shortie, it's preventative measures for me) 

The kicker is I want my friends to be involved, I dont want a random dude to take me down from the noose, I want someone I used to find comfort in. Like my boyfriend, or smth. It's now 9am and I realise how selfish I was being.

I mean, I didnt cut or try to hang myself last night so I guess that's fine.
Sorry for rambling my dudes, love yall stay safe",2.334291497975709,3.406169005847957,4.0312280701754375,89.58910931174091,75.31578947368422,6.8989653621232545,25.434547908232126,7.321109707123232,0.9937967611336024,624,21,142,7,13,210,108,171,0.155,0.655,0.19,0.6504,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,1,0,0,6,12,1,0,9,0,8,8,1,4,1,28,23,10,1,5,6,0,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,5,1,0,5,2,5,0,0,6,0,26,7,19,15,3,18,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,7,9,86,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098138098616948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355307062512984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740888723320372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439617632011573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698139710067468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380190743934226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155711068306288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332292497195698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623372216634918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699494698686473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564990612344127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113080224976404,0.07686623720924465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420015409629553,0.0,0.10502274890961807,0.0,0.0,0.17138461604954386,0.0,0.15849908585364114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558379180533658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295297644655158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741619398672888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816575573758093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176722284666115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301496517521636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330996130427422,0.0,0.0,0.17612434672248162,0.0,0.1676988380725853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17209963303320028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23659361302743925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081431315741457,0.0,0.12490690870607285,0.0,0.18083415161187227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682055904134942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358874605356451,0.0,0.0,0.27840187750031825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458516971687241,0.0,0.1756596023368333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vulturret,2019/03/18,"Sick of living with family but have no way out except suicide My family is the bane of my existence. Growing up they were hardcore helicopter parents who homeschooled me for half of my life and turned me into a crippled adult with so much depression and anxiety I can't even do simple tasks like answering the phone without being so awkward it seems like I've never spoke to another human before. My mom is a narcissist who spends all of our money on cigarettes and my dad left us a few months ago because of his drug addiction. We're on the verge of bankruptcy and only have one vehicle. I finally got a part-time job and have got nothing but bitched at about how I can't use the vehicle (aka I lose my job). My mom has made all of our family hate us and they're mostly all druggies too. We technically have 2 vehicles but my mom spent all our savings on a Cadillac Escalade but nobody is allowed to use it even herself. Now that I have a job my mom is wanting to take almost all my paycheck and after gas and food I'm going to be left with jack shit. Even working 35 hours per week I'm not going to be able to afford a cheap junker car for probably 6 or so months. I don't know if I can even survive to the end of tomorrow let alone 6+ months. I live in a very rural area where you have to have a car since it's over 20 minute drive to the closest town.

I feel trapped and have nowhere to go. My only skills is programming but since I live in the middle of nowhere that's not really an option. I've tried killing myself before and I feel like at this point it's my best and only option to try again this time without screwing that up too.",3.6805530973451326,4.63527779646018,4.955918141592921,84.6892754424779,71.92035398230087,8.245870206489675,27.694321533923308,8.59863814320734,1.9076144542772864,1299,46,269,22,24,432,187,339,0.135,0.799,0.066,-0.981,6,2,3,0,0,2,18.0,6,1,1,5,14,13,5,1,17,0,24,7,1,5,6,51,44,22,2,2,12,6,2,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,11,17,1,0,5,0,4,7,9,8,0,2,6,3,36,5,42,34,9,43,0,2,0,1,22,21,3,7,17,176,47,5,0.08642911439486169,0.0,0.0,0.0942204921068326,0.0,0.0,0.07661419507668885,0.0,0.08654627340674605,0.08951449685598224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062846233632046,0.06611803594518008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052686385929070975,0.0,0.14708962108991874,0.0,0.09070202330479396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444126958247244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023033327026984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655054183358087,0.0,0.0,0.2283424597016593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24443303117183074,0.0,0.08740231428472445,0.06174497659304281,0.0,0.09467887019783494,0.0,0.0,0.10451042819703167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735897241096824,0.0,0.1382505164628594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533085699010494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511526785963837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573026794173112,0.0,0.09562100953926904,0.0,0.04749918095480403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781097135638586,0.08837962522040246,0.061047439509666776,0.1266746987703949,0.0,0.2289554743963277,0.0,0.0,0.09669207129658602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178131780897814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048989367741264,0.20696068358438804,0.0,0.0635353437415829,0.0,0.06665946120720892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293106626797536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856660471701985,0.19719970842704232,0.0,0.0,0.09596930333939696,0.09359430843392233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170344946174743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318520345202216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536870382530647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786818196945607,0.0,0.0,0.08871824390657816,0.1429901131225078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453942313506923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498393778893455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050397511648170336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735939063608107,0.09401005771663827,0.0,0.0,0.20792716576168974,0.14929400956771444,0.0,0.07131307096486526,0.05097813097122802,0.06860340806250834,0.06932822224374417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662916409301415,0.0,0.06292142464524365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,username_herr,2019/03/18,"Is it normal to think about what the most painless way to go is? I've never had the guts to attempt suicide or been clinically diagnosed as depressed, but  it's becoming increasingly common for me to think about how easy everything would be if I just died. Things are becoming hopeless and I feel so powerless and insignificant. It's not like if I didn't die right now that the world would change significantly. Give or take a few years and people would move on. It would be so much easier if life had a restart button.

 How do you guys keep going when you don't know if everything's going to be okay? ",6.157893462469738,6.362056338983053,6.684285714285719,77.16398305084748,66.11864406779661,10.471670702179175,30.41646489104116,10.290406445055957,2.8733447941888617,480,16,95,11,7,157,80,118,0.189,0.6920000000000001,0.119,-0.8936,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,0,5,1,16,4,1,2,1,26,26,16,3,9,9,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,4,1,6,2,10,15,4,14,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,7,6,66,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510020892160498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810325195923545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686694943122638,0.16128794726992554,0.32984216107344205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28563194749155324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034849618010922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243872369284406,0.2709326847638593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734358375230728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124444476773115,0.0,0.0,0.08733150353599749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224119178970493,0.07763426429124062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688937124358861,0.11681542681564235,0.0,0.1225593969223226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556957842574708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016657495436367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570628798134513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381920698100853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947879687014686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557119967425303,0.20364324614191773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613351753355814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515338180939044,0.0,0.0,0.10233133405558888
suicidewatch,SohamedAli,2019/03/18,"Feels like it gets worse everyday, no way to explain what I'm feeling(18m) I'd say that throughout my life I've been pretty good at hiding how i'm feeling and appearing positive or happy. But it's been really difficult lately and I feel worse everyday.

I made a new group of friends when I started college, since our major is so small we've become really good friends, doing practically everything together, always together, and they really are some of the greatest people, but I don't want to burden them with any of this  and it feels like there's no one I can talk to without feeling like i'm bringing them down or making them dislike me.

It got worse before spring break, one of them found out and we ended up going to our universities student counseling and mental health center. And then another one figured it out cause I just got tired of putting in the effort to be happy after that.  I have an appointment after spring break, but ever since then I just feel more and more like a waste of space and like shit. I didn't think it would be this hard but I broke down and cried today for the first time in years, and the only thing keeping me going is knowing how mad she'd feel if I did something or killed myself.

I think a lot about how I want to be with these people for so long, we have all these plans for years down the line, and we even took one of those trips just a few days ago. But I just feel sad every fucking day, I'm falling behind in some of my classes and having trouble getting up, going to sleep, and it just seems like such an easy way out. It's funny cause I told them I'd be fine over spring break, but less then 24 hours after that I broke down and just want to give up.

I thought that since I've felt depressed before in high school and gotten by that I'd just be happy and normal for the rest of my life but it just comes back worse again and again. It feels like I have all this support around me, but there's no reason to keep going. I just keep thinking about not being around and how it'd be better than whatever this is. I'm sorry this is rambly and guess doesn't even matter since I'm getting help but I just don't know anymore.",6.880024681201148,5.527577117647064,6.848621966269026,81.74544220485397,65.15384615384616,9.574825174825175,30.04566022213081,8.150884317080207,1.8858063348416287,1714,44,356,17,22,547,207,442,0.16699999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.152,-0.8005,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,5,0,6,4,30,28,4,0,12,0,28,7,2,9,3,102,81,43,1,6,25,0,11,7,2,1,4,1,0,0,26,31,0,3,21,0,0,11,9,11,0,5,13,12,39,17,51,58,12,68,0,4,0,1,21,22,2,10,37,236,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315814595366996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928506935525471,0.0,0.0,0.04845192155134232,0.07471103293670978,0.0,0.0,0.07066009370790155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685384583154885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478626207849011,0.0,0.0,0.07868917987111235,0.12125569873530802,0.0,0.0,0.06301415641327121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638517720137384,0.0,0.061374905227899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826393663594912,0.0918997217214291,0.0,0.06136685981703695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310567237727054,0.0,0.0,0.09411889260744474,0.0644490101725276,0.06003055159693917,0.0,0.06403421627289622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242317761794568,0.2545023307799446,0.06841043686969979,0.0,0.0,0.06060456103080222,0.0,0.07812110622651164,0.1100939610558362,0.06586876763833313,0.11167435031932244,0.06834875641213425,0.16197032378136134,0.119520952168746,0.11396904043945605,0.0,0.07848906265014167,0.0,0.0,0.2275383996021771,0.06382531782252628,0.0,0.0,0.07573460271307797,0.0,0.0,0.04775685888341243,0.07527872631847096,0.0,0.0,0.07016614225319204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998877547903514,0.07882671965258252,0.0,0.07831343004831964,0.0,0.08037223800822163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065088044819824,0.24366143349365,0.0,0.0,0.06305332895456339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057354983868887,0.0,0.06741774681953809,0.04755941616027321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180246867443743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881295303031434,0.0,0.0,0.06980912050964404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193121296387745,0.054188252165669804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879049383130466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248608432969733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162515814455925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693224893756978,0.07325607787201456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666024966560222,0.0,0.07210802741907943,0.0,0.06486262561650838,0.0,0.0,0.07313631360084401,0.23575240659993454,0.0,0.07130068815419306,0.0,0.0,0.054851140339984665,0.0,0.07975768287058843,0.05043057370095942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085278505158464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726743445999391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473348243534988,0.13696089440084594,0.0,0.05656393223488874,0.041546000622871636,0.08189051192994762,0.06753594175009531,0.06808169526908966,0.07916051925156832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607393054655086,0.113108649252113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868171789438214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29043622090401805,0.0506134107481214,0.0,0.0,0.09176433986402516
suicidewatch,pigammon,2019/03/18,"Tiptoeing around the edge Let's just get this out of the way: I've wanted to kill myself for five years. I was abused as a kid in all three ways, and that combined with a traumatic period of bullying and my dad being incarcerated left me with crippling anxiety, and a depression that was only mild before as severe as severe can be. (I scored the highest possible score on the diagnosis test - how the fuck am I still alive?)

It's never gotten any better: my councillor is useless (and I'm too anxious to ask for a new one - the ultimate irony), my mum makes it worse somehow, and I have no friends in real life. Just people that let me sit with them. I'm fucking miserable, and I'm this close to just calling it a day and ending it. My relationship with food exactly mirrors that of a person with substance abuse issues - and yet nobody takes it seriously because I'm overeating. I was a skinny kid with huge self esteem issues, and now I'm 22 stone. Fucking kill me. The only things that keep me going are my one online friend Emily (who I'll eventually end up scaring away like I do everyone else), and whatever short term thing I've come up with to keep functioning. I don't know what else there is to live for. I'm an emotional black hole with no relief, the only community on reddit that gave me any solace got banned (SanctionedSuicide). The other day I smashed open the pill cabinet and nearly took everything that was inside, but I cut my foot on the metal which distracted me enough to revert back to my usual vegetable state. I'm failing at college, I'm barely going in and I say it's because of anxiety (because at least people understand that) but it's actually because of the fucking crushing depression I feel every single moment of my life. I've been told time and time again it gets better. Well, it isn't. So maybe I should just call it here.",4.949254143646408,6.048861251381215,6.062172375690611,77.39028618784529,69.0828729281768,8.996419889502764,28.844640883977906,9.281916038205594,2.5113046187845307,1471,52,271,29,25,491,205,362,0.18,0.7859999999999999,0.034,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,3,3,43.0,0,0,1,3,17,22,7,3,20,0,19,11,2,2,3,47,50,20,2,2,6,2,1,1,2,1,3,1,0,4,26,26,3,3,3,0,0,4,5,15,1,4,10,3,28,7,42,35,5,46,0,5,1,4,17,20,4,1,19,177,54,3,0.0,0.21172446504468465,0.08719031695975925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151879111512938,0.0,0.13670125721421167,0.1009372959093088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953825926914011,0.08352789505478635,0.0,0.08394496118816397,0.06870274825364828,0.0,0.2178617404953993,0.0,0.07602818141340947,0.0,0.0,0.15804128846295987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246766950131552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696500003820073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524355205986125,0.0,0.15390982195816222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927682074366191,0.10050396409325693,0.15827081309184687,0.092319899760182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527916155300915,0.085375409697649,0.08029981373640195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517680416301173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080394080245763,0.0,0.13805938576042615,0.3304014684813608,0.09336081084690276,0.0,0.10155653951505582,0.0,0.07145939508342528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186511250893796,0.0,0.1588324094101656,0.1976996447829769,0.0,0.04910307498055979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707637082689176,0.1827278397949841,0.1262176289930818,0.0436506981582204,0.0,0.07889552058585175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059640181161996014,0.0,0.08976161970339251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891033605265247,0.08629241728261564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108841984088048,0.20385850607089773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388467783806816,0.07801483141053843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072593409523392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169706871758734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592582768089797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105275521786447,0.08945248096926545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932089770975192,0.2018745918186176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135306614336141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717823561669982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871707971352488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419854589275636,0.0,0.0,0.085375409697649,0.09926841181420604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301394703888938,0.0,0.0,0.09840369967244844,0.0,0.05269949790988631,0.14183984743739403,0.0,0.0,0.08033417461777148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105278317729887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753689064704021
suicidewatch,Korcarz,2019/03/18,"I got 10 pills by my right side That's kinda it, I plan on taking them in 3 hours, they are reallllyyy strong insomnia and anxiety pills, make me sleep like a stone, but I kinda like the idea of sleeping forever",2.1277906976744205,4.145850558139537,4.24436046511628,83.77956395348839,78.30232558139534,8.020930232558143,22.377906976744185,8.841846274778883,1.5689116279069766,166,5,35,4,4,57,38,43,0.033,0.795,0.172,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,0,6,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,18,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398856341367535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25079626411561873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308810292280278,0.0,0.0,0.3539903933006104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306395877304576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093151587575731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677931422509987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6276071518718742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357709647958516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wiggyzoila,2019/03/18,It's Time Just crying here sitting thinking about it. I can't live life like this anymore. The constant unhappiness and never feeling right. I'm sorry for everyone who will get hurt in the process but I hope I will finally be at peace.,2.5219565217391278,5.14170554347826,3.6458260869565247,85.31004347826091,80.52173913043478,6.288695652173913,28.76521739130435,7.554174236665415,1.974761739130435,189,9,35,3,5,61,40,46,0.203,0.628,0.16899999999999998,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,4,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752975031326357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999792404063435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049226969649241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652518519731521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035927924568728,0.0,0.0,0.3040893845779244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503080024187606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27571232243633903,0.0,0.0,0.2971688735889548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607203034597626,0.13561783852508835,0.0,0.24511956102928556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409670914365975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370627662709714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107424544423189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787028140302397,0.0,0.0,0.1618666157435975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,McWalshyyy,2019/03/18,"I feel guilty wanting to end my life, when some people don’t have the choice Guilt is the one thing that puts me down",8.5912,4.888750520000002,6.904,90.09200000000001,63.8,10.0,29.0,3.1291,0.8153999999999995,93,1,23,0,1,27,24,25,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281867122405024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444431397830422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34146985492502824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275932647921371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351582762746849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48599341111958794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211778284087583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851470123384596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway1918171716,2019/03/18,"I just want to die alone I lost so many people. Lately ive been withdrawn from everyone. I havent texted or called anyone. I lay in my bed,smoking ice and taking any other drug i can get my hands on to feel somewhat happy. I texted my grandfather today,someone i care about more than anything,and he told me he was upset with me. His birthday was yesterday. I felt sick to my stomach. 

Im so tired of fucking up. Im so tired of being a scumbag. A waste of space. I dont recognize myself anymore. I just want to overdose and die in this shitty little den of mine and rot. I dont want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten. Maybe being this withdrawn is a good thing. Nobody would be affected by my passing. Nobody would know i was gone. 

I did it to myself. Im buried now. There's no way out. I cant escape this. Im so tired. I just wish things could have been different. 
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suicidewatch,SevenPriorities,2019/03/18,No one cares if I'm lonely. My loneliness has been giving me suicidal fantasies for months now. And I feel so exhausted having to deal with these routine fantasies. ,4.450999999999997,7.307807433333338,4.830000000000002,78.245,74.66666666666666,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.0370000000000004,133,6,21,3,3,42,28,30,0.366,0.504,0.13,-0.8702,0,3,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,3,1,3,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43196340248268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43678880830035305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422206786744424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064262576782258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381721713552389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870921502051795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4634300792771892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loosenrope,2019/03/18,"Idk if i can keep this up I just cant do this. I dont kno, im so disgusted with myself. I want to go tonight. I feel like ive already been close. Just need the next step.",-3.308943089430893,-1.7740418536585345,0.02621951219512297,107.04550813008132,101.6829268292683,3.7089430894308943,14.150406504065039,5.46131890053228,-1.3422227642276423,128,3,38,1,6,45,31,41,0.153,0.745,0.101,-0.4527,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,11,2,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,7,1,3,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925020981739416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168547078457661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984266618399894,0.2540981049491998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214133307112064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841958007179643,0.0,0.0,0.3161450274534911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376744732188662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637324642471957,0.0,0.0,0.37827007518433575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20978947905376152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leo_33,2019/03/18,"Please help me I’m starting to unravel. At my job I hired someone that has more qualifications than me, I’m afraid they’re going to fire me and give him my job. He deserves it, because I’m so messed up and confused I’m doing a terrible job anyway. I know the people there hate me, but I need it because I have a lot of debt I need to pay off. I’m recently divorced and I left behind 3 beautiful cats that were like children to me. I miss them so much it physically hurts me. My parents loved my ex husband and were devastated that I left him. They are strong, conservative Christians and are very judgmental. 

I started seeing this guy that I used to date in high school. My parents absolutely hate him. He’s more of a free thinker like me, has tattoos. He loved me for who I was and he was my best friend. I loved him so much. I have something wrong with me, I’m not sure. The therapist said it was major depression. I started pushing him away. I told him that I wanted to take a break to figure things out. I went cold, stopped talking to him. He threatened to tell my parents about our secret relationship to try to get me to talk to him. He showed up to the place my dads band was playing at and I freaked out. If they knew about our relationship they’d disown me, I’d never get to see them again or be the maid of honor at my sisters wedding. I told him I never wanted to see him again and he said he was going to tell everyone about our relationship.

I came clean to my parents, told them I had been seeing him behind their backs out of fear that he’d tell them first. They’re furious at me. My sister won’t speak to me. And my ex now has a new gf. I still love him and it hurts to know he could move on so quickly. Everyone that I love is gone.

I’m all alone. My Betta fish is dying. I can’t do a single thing right. Please someone talk to me. I hate the silence. I’m so fucked up. It’s all my fault.",0.8750487804878055,2.9219485000000027,2.787878048780488,92.45156097560978,82.75,5.7024390243902445,21.756097560975608,6.914303735213361,0.4610945121951221,1480,48,333,18,41,494,184,400,0.183,0.6559999999999999,0.161,-0.6659999999999999,9,1,1,0,1,0,44.0,3,0,8,4,17,31,5,3,11,0,26,6,0,1,5,40,73,18,1,6,4,10,1,2,2,1,0,3,2,2,17,15,0,2,6,3,3,7,5,17,0,1,18,9,78,15,47,50,10,43,1,4,4,6,74,19,1,4,18,216,95,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852594892522376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123474633867266,0.05830037652466466,0.0,0.09243750667955328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795676979663514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671710282705469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605355570182907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530306864782859,0.0,0.07868848314746177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489721758855928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531781328225403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449187429771745,0.0,0.0,0.058577818043613374,0.07009373899297608,0.07922493005559489,0.07273279984152248,0.08617973287488294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507304644234314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245676427762688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050820091550493926,0.08010727365149335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233229897042947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22571692599416884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333663012479152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475582461303426,0.0,0.0,0.07408297929489589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445887397778148,0.3421494794380513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805839374898126,0.11147184719420446,0.11243812917401347,0.11695306637453108,0.0732267710780088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33675352605928904,0.0,0.0,0.052563569487284814,0.0,0.07921505139008396,0.16645368904060615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748624309367499,0.2442047231468419,0.0,0.06474928444606576,0.14424307028225916,0.0,0.0,0.07673319897167609,0.2416727246123203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848292646644788,0.05836941622421522,0.0,0.0,0.1609959134048198,0.0,0.060549406364196964,0.06338834593206523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714588111925317,0.0,0.057006692312461624,0.18282209070054603,0.19880828092305086,0.0,0.0,0.08803207352649048,0.1007419735474642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21734582638283886,0.0,0.05147634092057346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548354837439235,0.0,0.06255887889642565,0.08944039791432938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702852686288154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289652338140775,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idhbfjresokvdtjv,2019/03/18,"It's fucked up when your mind's playing tricks on you >I sit alone in my four cornered room...

Fuck the future I just wanna die. Need to make it ""by accidently"".",0.6786363636363646,3.063199212121216,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,87.18181818181819,4.512121212121213,17.340909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.5046909090909089,126,3,28,1,4,40,31,33,0.412,0.545,0.043,-0.9393,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,6,4,0,8,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37609916706303215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37687762292940014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6714263810220299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239596261574275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666636340533039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26926059033518124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jay_Is_Not_Here,2019/03/18,"I think I'm only waiting to kill myself Hi, whoever reads this, I'm going to vent a bit, since I'm almost on the literal edge to my death.

I don't know if I want to die, I don't really know if I want to live. I've lived most of my 23 years on this earth living someone else's life, either my mother's, father's or anyone else that might've had serious expectations about me. I don't think I've ever done or been what I want to be, at best, I get to be who I am when there's no one with me.

I guess I'm just tired of everything now, I don't like being the person I've ended up being for everybody else. Of course you could say I should ""just change that!"" or ""it's your life! You get to decide"" and yeah, I get it, I've been telling myself that for a while. The issue is... (and I think anybody that has felt this way understands) that's just plain silly. Most people don't decide who to be, most people are not who they want to be, and we all know that; it's just that most people are okay with that.

You know what the funny part is to all of this? I don't even think the ""me"" I'd be is a good person, I know I shouldn't be that. That guy is a  lazy, clingy, cheating, dirty piece of work. So why on earth do I want to be him? Beats me.

I guess in the end, it doesn't matter much, I just needed to write something up to calm down and perhaps not do something stupid.

I'll be answering some comments (if there are any lol, look at me thinking people would care) for a bit.

Thanks dudes & dudettes. ",2.1708974870363,2.7066025902140685,3.7394920888179786,93.57499002792184,75.08562691131499,6.787873952931792,20.02778885786465,6.7026698264267655,-0.03167480388246213,1145,19,282,9,23,382,154,327,0.121,0.795,0.083,-0.8359,0,0,2,0,0,2,54.0,1,4,1,3,13,12,3,0,11,3,36,3,0,0,3,61,68,13,3,14,14,2,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,3,23,7,0,1,15,1,0,1,11,4,0,1,5,3,37,8,34,49,14,18,0,0,1,0,20,9,0,14,8,180,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849349195110192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657319205648537,0.0,0.06688828158238573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687757107247092,0.1007816073882286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103222919377867,0.0,0.2147676389024889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028473828428948,0.0,0.10405200698408502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853258396687313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208231681318744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065659340067233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24650187665623274,0.0,0.17423581349374626,0.0,0.0,0.06496595789578832,0.08897239577088847,0.0,0.0,0.0883997693348492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444117834760532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416737149987988,0.0,0.05590034552911216,0.08249983537997015,0.0,0.0,0.21670961049984386,0.09739202237126374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266245206675692,0.0,0.0,0.10882094355639953,0.0,0.2702808574477141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894937945443803,0.04805380571813901,0.0,0.26056146945383857,0.0,0.08259776159864858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434458582810313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230603492321264,0.07293281217985949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665138986619297,0.07480733381180482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651446794342187,0.0,0.2727622004443777,0.17176859523056126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838677746318558,0.0,0.06301203702822501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821994696629495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813645406182278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334024421372056,0.15144491292416895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597111507088734,0.0905568200460833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151260939758464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305053433416007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239639521647198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900768533902865,0.07807371656624254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875474528166921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160736780337333,0.0,0.0,0.06987223543606813,0.0,0.0,0.06334071805121848
suicidewatch,TakeiteZZ,2019/03/18,"not sure how to say it :( Does anyone here ever wished a world in where you never existed, and you would be a spectator, seeing how things unfolds, and the things would be better with or without you? I’m sorry if this is offensive to anyone, I just need and want to rant about myself and I honestly lost :( 

I’m honestly thinking and crying every night in bed about how much I have screwed up with everyone I had in contact with and how things would fold out if I was in a whole world like I never existed, I’m like :( fuck",4.282,4.962134533333336,5.319047619047621,83.64428571428573,70.33333333333334,8.666666666666668,26.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,1.8204285714285715,406,12,83,7,7,134,63,105,0.228,0.639,0.133,-0.9143,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,2,10,10,3,0,4,0,9,2,0,4,4,31,19,13,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,10,6,15,11,2,13,0,1,1,2,5,9,2,3,6,65,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524666364327247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966733305230313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830772556695933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579862043481711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330301249484014,0.15210737746420594,0.17250762895249622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690044045467112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639923411349798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970737934662243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271299735396375,0.13386340600921967,0.2784773443515352,0.0,0.0,0.16941859080108868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435675960628911,0.0,0.0,0.1438619367548598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209262869218067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015081851455874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35981558407868963,0.1156786664360582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648341792580424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155936105307573,0.20760477559086712,0.17402798592947727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847377527915937,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nikkotesman,2019/03/18,"I don't care anymore! It's amazing! I've been struggling with depression for a few years. I have no friends- never have. About 1 hour ago, something clicked! I am going to commit suicide! I don't even give a shit anymore! ",0.3387662337662327,2.744266772727276,1.8796103896103915,92.78227272727275,97.1818181818182,3.4233766233766234,26.740259740259727,5.288315135182226,0.8161987012987013,174,9,33,1,7,56,35,44,0.321,0.453,0.227,-0.716,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,2,0,6,1,1,0,2,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,4,3,4,8,1,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312586990780321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174553844442494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659895151532904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469975889099525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231199819441445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155900577572916,0.0,0.0,0.2502645423294445,0.1482668854560824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569190487114742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012104971486169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677945731830238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200841920965768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727335135044573,0.0,0.28536570780283405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800130480615974
suicidewatch,infinitiblade,2019/03/18,I don’t know what to do anymore. My livelihood seems to be at a standstill and I’m really debating just ending it. I was having a good time hunting in my video games and slaughtering all the evil griefers . The servers have went down in red dead online and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been sit in my room for the past 9 hours doing nothing clicking refresh constantly and it’s just not working. ,2.7501916376306643,4.5475070853658535,3.6566202090592337,89.71085365853662,75.70731707317074,6.636933797909408,27.567944250871076,7.447530270364453,1.4517993031358882,319,13,66,4,7,102,57,82,0.108,0.833,0.058,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,12,15,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,2,6,1,9,11,1,13,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,1,5,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30435302733477343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316397312592739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718139960217873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574052885697255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022254385826452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373181135975589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944698231614277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29296181859161496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660198714232102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793816910132232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895038627452853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844906758536753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234200236673545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,partylikegatsbyyy___,2019/03/18,"Attempted the weekend before last and here I am. Obviously I failed. I was inpatient until Saturday night. I went back to work today (a job I love, I might add). I did everything I was supposed to when they were treating me. I really tried. 

I still am trying. But I can’t shake the way I feel. On top of the feelings and situation that pushed me to attempt, I now feel guilt. Constantly. I can’t quite bring myself to say that I’m glad I failed. 

I’ve tried making amends with anyone I may have hurt in my attempt, and it just seems so terribly pointless. 

I’m going to keep doing what I’m supposed to to get better. But right now my mind is in 30 different directions. I’m usually quite good with written words- but writing this I can’t even think of how to express how everything hurts physically and how I’m exhausted. 

I have a son, a guy who I really do love despite our issues, a college degree, a job I enjoy. I don’t know why I still want to die. I’m not sure at all. I’m just really fucking tired. ",1.538333333333334,3.5532920483091814,3.9518140096618377,85.16453260869571,80.20772946859904,7.425024154589372,23.876570048309173,8.395991825355821,1.6399161352657003,782,28,162,17,20,272,122,207,0.158,0.736,0.106,-0.8888,3,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,1,10,15,17,1,2,8,0,17,5,0,4,3,33,41,13,1,1,6,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,6,7,0,1,6,1,0,5,5,9,0,0,6,4,29,8,18,33,1,26,0,4,0,3,10,6,1,3,14,101,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907170621796407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997618730077151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103989865320899,0.0,0.0,0.1147442813452534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402025979929232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464939561077668,0.13555044355046106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569189296468832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332034750906405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680097438746036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199423246451053,0.06778367381476211,0.0,0.07373409984123883,0.10881956168990964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846276768581147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27777820934118874,0.0,0.0,0.1354146100348242,0.2574934005465713,0.11531866671901965,0.0,0.0,0.07130158334297478,0.10575522681622768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341904114661361,0.0,0.08660230238932573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763339093020927,0.13100018073234598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175198317885395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27598842587725225,0.0,0.0,0.2493438521065671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079705273457474,0.0,0.10317427065250556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811021183432065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583293478432335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072206921628384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227819565548922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313200448356409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911677748680902,0.12297812971209615,0.0,0.0,0.2642543577903403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289002463145034,0.0,0.0765238764342625,0.1029813887156368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202700644702458,0.1170699606243786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445209608288617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GotTooLit,2019/03/18,"Pissed off and extremely depressed because I missed out on my youth and I am tempted to give because I’ll never get it back I’m turning 24 soon and I’ve only had sex with 3 people and probably 8 times in total. There is 16 year olds with more dating experience than me. I’m good looking but I have missed out on my youth due to being homeschooled and isolated. I missed out on the best years to have sex, relationships and being young and in love. I don’t think I’m going to get over this. Even if I sleep with 40 women in the next year or two it doesn’t even fucking matter to me. I’ve missed out on my youth and I am never getting it back. Also women my age have fucked 20 guys already and have had their fun. It’s so funny how the people saying sex and relationships don’t matter have been having sex ever since 16 just fuck off. Not only have I missed out on that I have missed out on parties, doing crazy shit and just having fun being young with friends and having a relationship. I don’t give a fuck about my life anymore and it means nothing to me since I missed out and I just want to die I am sick of this shit. If I could I’d rewind back to high school and start doing drugs and being a total asshole to get what I want, I would. I am so fucking pissed off all the time. I Don’t even want to try and get with girls anymore due to my inexperience. The novelty of sex and relationships has worn off for all of them anyway and I’m going to have to deal with all their bullshit and baggage from ex’s and other bullshit. It must be nice to have a normal life and got to have sex, relationships and lots of friends since high school. I have had fucking nothing and I am ready to be done with life.",3.6864915966386533,4.280164123249303,4.721614145658265,87.70494222689078,71.63305322128852,7.18249299719888,24.398809523809533,6.996647511020387,0.7506154061624644,1340,34,294,11,24,439,151,357,0.215,0.6659999999999999,0.119,-0.9926,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,3,1,18,26,10,0,9,0,42,23,5,1,9,67,79,32,1,9,8,1,0,0,2,2,5,1,0,4,11,38,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,18,0,1,7,2,32,8,52,63,8,49,0,8,1,13,20,23,10,4,24,203,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813104093464842,0.06386658219428883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158405693858598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422964228587813,0.0,0.0973677461709471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381151436560715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376427666430767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233546532084869,0.06878606791427183,0.0,0.08288540581518779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172779431776474,0.0,0.0,0.0926159716252638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824669597435692,0.0722408479748269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812154638845135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340423975931575,0.4429935184275371,0.20862616153218053,0.15322414131791218,0.09077620824121277,0.06698547357294743,0.06387390669137989,0.0,0.0,0.0790771364660213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875973763300334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922924650494134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706498444837125,0.0,0.0,0.06789684734456344,0.07207966736258763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699445113161552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319086580456327,0.0,0.08493543253786487,0.0,0.07824899169891754,0.15326181266137573,0.0,0.08380300709589969,0.0,0.0,0.12147914378335628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073419168301653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610605070557881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287160113397205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351043206639177,0.0,0.16165166951677548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395687996244754,0.1981910240276874,0.0,0.07992088877174439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652759287166308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051173121844289536,0.0,0.0,0.09313776292062564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422187893858666,0.08686824191730176,0.07801475404829614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131617577711933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567325347829948,0.0,0.0,0.1542878713237359
suicidewatch,democratichermione,2019/03/18,"I really want to talk to a text hotline, but don’t wan’t people to find out I live in the us, but does anyone know of a completely anonymous online hotline, preferably that can be done on a computer, where they can’t track me or send people to my house. ",22.594807692307693,6.131947326923079,19.666923076923077,46.67807692307694,56.5,23.107692307692307,63.53846153846154,13.023866798666859,7.854015384615384,199,6,41,3,1,66,42,52,0.0,0.971,0.029,0.0763,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,8,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20687842160147454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102129236452031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589168775104033,0.3027766190576221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704188241909257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413929987370355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260181563718087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612576686486331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102364985099648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954120030066732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780822304253216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558938700997157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451114918379074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inpain777,2019/03/18,"Want to die The love of my life left me and I want to die, but I am to afraid to kill myself. ",-1.5499999999999972,-0.7340579565217382,1.2080434782608729,106.88423913043479,85.08695652173913,4.6000000000000005,11.5,3.1291,-2.0800260869565217,69,0,22,0,2,24,17,23,0.365,0.478,0.156,-0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6763653897820797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36050670773701293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540389046654835,0.0,0.2301587437681916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940939471284217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384391636348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MarshyLeaks,2019/03/18,"48 hours until I probably kill myself F\*CK MY LIFE

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM MY OWN BEST FRIEND

IN F\*CKING WEEKS

I'VE BEEN LIED TO

MANIPULATED

I'VE BEEN TOLD TO KILL MYSELF SO MANY TIMES

I'M GOING TO F\*CKING DO IT IN F\*CKING 48 HOURS IF I DON'T GET A RESPONSE FROM THE SUICIDE HOTLINE",1.618227272727271,4.377153072727275,2.323977272727273,90.64596590909092,91.0,4.204545454545455,23.238636363636363,5.985473137389443,0.5439545454545454,229,9,43,2,8,71,40,55,0.294,0.5870000000000001,0.118,-0.9345,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,2,10,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,2,8,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255643172610225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820475685480606,0.0,0.12727094654542115,0.0,0.1384434945959706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797938639160878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.539014618553042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720618851416202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469721669519393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26264200271202925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664588637209839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204511983271353,0.0,0.0,0.2327702406471416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540122744848168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XkillspussyX,2019/03/18,"Planning out my final day and it’s boring af Can’t think of something other than calling my brother and girlfriend before ODing myself out of this earth. Thought of something like a good lunch or going to the movies, but all the current movies  in theaters are shit and I can’t recall my favorite food. 

Sorry if my phrasing is off, English is not my first language.

Can’t talk with anyone I know anymore, so I’m here",2.252750677506775,4.829743109756102,2.9291869918699187,90.2896612466125,81.3170731707317,3.644444444444445,26.184281842818432,3.1291,0.4700850948509485,333,14,60,0,9,104,63,82,0.096,0.812,0.092,-0.0772,1,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,3,0,6,3,1,0,1,14,11,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,8,2,10,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,5,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563004476400678,0.18070543273229284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991118489907527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26389347120914963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666707371813606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283105529483734,0.0,0.2198267127331512,0.3125035189949806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468759249781728,0.2167650220635864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203043135342558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625945504929645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652822679818291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397915459348851,0.0,0.28929950060596177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772218542435014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655962448867395,0.0,0.20517042069055846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somewhereinmusic,2019/03/18,Please god take me. Sitting in the park right now and just wishing to die. I dont wanna live in the world. I wanna die and kill myself. I wanna be with my dad. Im a 19F. This is the last place i wanna type.  ,-2.8593085106383,-1.3208355744680809,0.2586968085106385,103.67187500000004,106.87234042553192,2.35,10.13031914893617,3.1291,-2.123763829787234,156,2,40,0,8,54,35,47,0.237,0.644,0.119,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,5,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,8,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464121725687224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085204311048062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843490833502086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912408830730473,0.0,0.0,0.2145792893574937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324495940410485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750343290331615,0.2889632580993842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248092463552985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792699866278726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027180241887104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AsICome,2019/03/18,"It's not that I don't want life. I just don't want this life. I'm coming to you from a very defeated, hopeless place. 

And I will tell you first of all that I don't want to hurt myself. I don't like the idea of hurting my body. I don't want life to end all together.

I just want *this* life to be over with. There's no return, there's no fixing it. It's been a downward spiral for over 20 years. And it seems to never get better. I become more and more isolated. My skin is aging fast. I have a few thousand hours of sleep to catch up on. I can never keep relationships alive. Or have healthy ones. I can never find a way to be loved. I am so unhappy, and unhappy is an understatement, with the city I live in. A city I only moved to to escape abuse in the city I am from.

I want the relief. I just want the relief. I don't fantasize about ways in which to kill myself. Although I have multiple times wished for an accident. What I fantasize most is to have another go at life. I just want another go, a do over. I am fine with the same soul or the same face I have now. But I want it to all be erased and start fresh. 

Be born again in another family, one who loves me, or even in the same but get adopted instead. Grow up around love, not screams and threats. Not punishment. Not be neglected. Be free to go outside, to see friends. Be supported, listened to, wanted. 

I can count on one hand the times I have felt those things. Very few fleeting moments. And every time it got taken away. Every damn time. There is just some faulty chip in this life, that always brings me back here: alone, in pain, excruciating pain, no hopes, no dreams, no good prospects. No love around me. And maybe it is just my fault. Maybe I have just lost the ability to make people care. I don't know...

I just want another go at it",0.3609495087675647,2.5717644358288787,2.094606392239772,95.53680698918049,86.45989304812834,5.725059072254696,18.323342867802516,7.1213741377187105,0.11633672428802425,1385,36,320,21,43,453,175,374,0.16399999999999998,0.628,0.208,0.9308,0,1,0,0,1,4,63.0,0,2,0,4,21,29,4,0,18,0,35,17,5,1,6,63,74,15,1,13,17,0,3,1,1,1,8,2,0,0,19,14,0,2,5,1,1,9,20,14,0,5,5,6,39,16,46,61,12,52,1,6,1,4,11,21,1,7,21,219,58,0,0.0,0.09026615067948948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890414494390117,0.0,0.0,0.06339159013116392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31954427849750106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356406779813044,0.0,0.0,0.07157782652841269,0.05858116231064756,0.0,0.0,0.0841397723304655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737898123850446,0.0,0.08462378239762706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767515449500473,0.0,0.0,0.06562618343637236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747683627255258,0.0,0.0,0.05031913033632427,0.0,0.1283774199327495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181994722668326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314904784459861,0.0,0.06963123425783893,0.06480247952350934,0.0,0.0,0.05885994004112024,0.0,0.07960649250134838,0.0,0.17318958196765458,0.06389992703361863,0.060931688009737375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756683783443001,0.07502636632076487,0.0,0.16311412243151022,0.08600300438723228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771626603273502,0.08428683913073255,0.0,0.041868997653020684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228681063766405,0.03721988856019316,0.0,0.06727229134938413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316435916300972,0.0,0.2750378695202342,0.0,0.0508537317894235,0.0,0.15307509951996212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097204517580844,0.0,0.0,0.1762745021324822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548737253664763,0.05794172982452332,0.16213131563589284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281672571117832,0.0,0.07959656625829123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179361996424192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607091666920079,0.06935548904014886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623949923135115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392376685897088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645324474936901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658859323448169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050613583099092266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769513111589036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572034889185427,0.4942913800603631,0.12094338779826365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876083918491879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049060307127746616
suicidewatch,Fuck__living,2019/03/18,"I can only disappoint: no more Is being one final, posthumous disappointment better than continuing to disappoint? So much time and effort has been spent on me that I cannot repay.  The results of these investments are lackluster at best. No matter the level of my effort, the results remain the same. All of this causes me great anxiety and stress, which in turn makes accomplishing anything nigh impossible. I look to my peers and am filed with jealousy, seeing the strength and resilience I lack. I don't see what could possibly make living in such hell worthwhile. All of my flaws make me the worst candidate for everything. I can't stop either. If I do, I'll kill my chances for everything that I've worked for. If I tell anyone this, all of my options will be taken from me.  That's why I must, and will, be successful.",4.102792207792209,6.517900448051955,4.867532467532467,79.75701298701301,73.74025974025976,8.296103896103896,26.584415584415584,9.04235418022936,2.407122077922078,655,24,116,15,14,211,103,154,0.199,0.659,0.142,-0.8809999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,8,2,12,2,1,6,0,17,0,0,6,4,25,26,8,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,1,3,3,18,5,17,16,10,9,1,3,3,0,1,5,1,3,4,88,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427362282998564,0.0,0.0,0.13046385190214194,0.0,0.1535427114259101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580836787750572,0.16501836113696927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167313673208267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897211960712867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33537928705233416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043936217787153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570948843839687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206427520913903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475706614068245,0.0,0.15668354456979808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373638751581216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716068845311086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643412863272438,0.14190551892197353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034539429588972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736653803193025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559925557311128,0.2137313101574272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308261603235755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879861486391164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294978320061485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683630139481773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583535422259355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Liquid4TheCentipedes,2019/03/18,"Anyone else feel anhedonic? I feel pain but no pleasure from life anymore. The pain is almost starting to feel nice because at least I feel something other than dismal sadness. I have a fantastic job, working on my masters degree, I’ve been eating and meal prepping, doing 30 min daily workouts, going on dates, but there’s always been this part of me since I was 13 that just didn’t want to live. 

Can anyone else relate to this empty feeling? The hallow shell of existence in an otherwise good life? I can’t help but feel like a cry baby constantly complaining. ",5.1458490566037725,6.872355047169813,5.719009433962263,77.65983490566039,69.28301886792453,7.564150943396226,29.287735849056602,8.07648339933343,2.2329471698113195,449,17,74,6,8,145,82,106,0.209,0.5870000000000001,0.204,-0.163,1,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,5,0,9,6,0,0,0,13,18,4,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,6,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,6,7,4,11,14,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,45,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041875968276442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330056331646395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158876938117684,0.22403336488944567,0.3282909385339157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765740742166047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312101516469786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597393330891606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392622949327762,0.2676557576162726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860164498960077,0.11444805387686605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104626019422814,0.13436949998947614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737975447471586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589753668583326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263102532889876,0.078266408862501,0.0,0.1414609463796004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409315914111952,0.0,0.0,0.17348271949009872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252041763951275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333101715807145,0.0,0.0,0.11339151587101085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449105339193584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662867159657195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mlsbeerclub,2019/03/18,Will I commit suicide I'm Aaron from Ireland I am also a virgin at 28. I want to commit suicide as I believe that there is no one for me in the World.,-1.1105882352941163,0.7790076470588225,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,90.1764705882353,3.4000000000000004,20.264705882352946,3.1291,-0.4285058823529409,116,4,26,0,4,42,28,34,0.28800000000000003,0.5660000000000001,0.147,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,4,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919725888438397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113458457540957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474031160370899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7987264409462332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153470994770424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crazysbeautifultome,2019/03/18,"Lmao whats wrong with me Anonymous bc my ex knows my reddit name but holy shit.
I make fun of people who let guys or girls run their depression but holy fuck what the shits keeping me from ODing when I get home tonight
We broke up a few months ago but were still really good friends. He has a new girlfriend and I have a new boyfriend and I thought I really loved my boyfriend but now I have no idea wtf to do because i cant get my ex out of my head. He told me early this morning he loves his girlfriend which just completely shattered any hopes i had of us ever getting back together. Idk what to do because i miss him so damn much and im still crazy about him and just feel so lost and my motivation is complete shit and i just dont feel like i deserve to exist and i just want to stop feeling so shitty. Plus it doesnt help that 3 years ago my ex and i got engaged and now were not together anymore and i just feel like absolute death.  ",1.696818181818184,3.514340196969698,2.7050505050505045,95.26090909090912,78.84848484848484,6.016161616161617,23.626262626262626,6.937597516519254,0.5760686868686866,741,25,170,8,18,235,123,198,0.299,0.546,0.155,-0.9905,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,0,1,2,16,19,5,0,4,0,13,7,4,2,1,40,33,20,1,2,11,3,4,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,8,14,0,2,8,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,7,4,30,9,13,25,2,19,0,4,0,3,23,2,5,2,18,102,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199020449097045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434918780516894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301104525200207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537654155377336,0.0,0.15122320339080053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601001735169586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683260060667958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537005140619932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121982676608451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086666539814073,0.17722364115580508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583042219980246,0.11466990109222762,0.19441211919992046,0.0,0.0,0.104036072444013,0.09920345456078458,0.0,0.0,0.12281580257971897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729740619899108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313916414384821,0.0,0.1244188915814604,0.12319639875342728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400223006534187,0.13398088650369944,0.0,0.0,0.1102494898767762,0.0,0.0,0.06816730902832137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683589702186387,0.0,0.12119610154074577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540067565477515,0.0,0.2238958716118716,0.0,0.08279543921402915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900488521429092,0.0,0.0911812230020162,0.0,0.0,0.23959077422478198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599140808803737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892213163627333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819655724959219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981116869702535,0.10370020864714052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847125955621257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185223519827075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492008396665478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731600406101419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561462512348085,0.0,0.07987554764784735
suicidewatch,xoatct,2019/03/18,wish I was brave enough I feel like I’m not strong enough to deal with this pain anymore. I have constant anxiety every single day and it only got worse a month ago after I was raped and every day is like torture. So far I have 3 bridges in mind that I would like to kill my self at. I hope that I can gather the courage. ,2.53521739130435,3.3589981739130472,3.4731594202898566,94.74104347826088,74.5072463768116,6.0997101449275375,22.495652173913044,5.6839178017228535,0.044533913043478535,250,6,59,1,5,80,51,69,0.278,0.498,0.223,-0.7831,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,11,3,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,12,3,1,3,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,9,7,6,8,3,9,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,9,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237806992674415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487622419340023,0.0,0.19285320033216047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101434117174008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508226993991473,0.2004808994067788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018606863849459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276837996007357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832539667388383,0.13892307922998948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555283402141646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314379225314932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514244262864027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850116751958976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963503195288923,0.0,0.15521702886906774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478964618099132,0.20692036640737346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286538227916906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236207172031548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817251773420286,0.13813961644109546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worldpeace2100,2019/03/18,Fuck. Not even Ayahuasca will Help this time Welp. All for a woman. Could never really do it for myself...but love? Just give your whole heart best Shot and Bam ..fucked my whole life with my one Future wife. Smdh. Now I just question if I should do it in Front of her out of Spite or just disappear. Itlll be cliff if alone or Fire/Gun with the Martyr look. I’ll never hurt anyone else...I’m really done with this actual Physical pain in My Heart for A Love I can not have. She’s 19 I’m 30. Any last thoughts or prayers or answers y’all want?,0.1904464285714305,2.497728580357144,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.08928571428572,4.985714285714288,14.25,6.5431188927421005,-0.6657928571428569,419,7,96,5,14,133,83,112,0.115,0.725,0.161,0.7674,0,1,0,1,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,1,5,8,3,0,3,0,9,8,2,0,3,25,18,7,0,5,11,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,2,1,10,3,11,12,4,11,0,1,1,4,11,3,2,7,6,58,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.16253420192063014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725013309993153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326349313177135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116459521085262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478978594473596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298106296536336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704441660870355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100083774295419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079558652012182,0.0,0.1597752711261956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947382841980467,0.1116386819128436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830117317807426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576501235117394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764311859407987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986472341953293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30064579371076233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569158334306673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286235884284625,0.0,0.17722686028564186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658034671029364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339951496211626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132226511252056,0.0971198872105584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823878537285843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37190667234555785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abhinator100,2019/03/18,"I have stopped feeling Two weeks ago I unable to move from my bed, it felt like i did not deserve to eat or drink , my roommate gave me something to eat and I continued my day. Lately I have stopped feeling anything my life , problems everything just seems fake ,everyone is sad so does my problem even matter there is a clot in my chest always. My family went through a financial crisis , 6 months ago i survived on approximately 8 dollars but things are turning around for the better but whatever I do gets ruined, initially there was a lot of resistance to these thoughts but now i feel that maybe this can be the one thing i can do right",10.32268292682927,7.2807237073170725,9.449528455284556,71.12941463414637,59.89430894308943,12.766829268292685,43.299186991869924,10.793553405168565,4.527063089430894,508,23,96,9,5,161,92,123,0.142,0.767,0.091,-0.7377,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,12,5,1,0,0,20,22,6,0,2,6,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,2,3,2,6,1,1,2,1,5,0,2,6,4,17,2,11,15,1,16,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,3,11,66,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818310715430088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322741062977811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081711473345098,0.14151521850515794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059427296487187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252120552372583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391139634776432,0.0,0.0,0.15572811511348952,0.0,0.3253278900781686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499686127366514,0.0,0.0,0.15190073141338936,0.14287018337148052,0.0,0.14986087766700584,0.0,0.24113698380775936,0.0,0.15263420447661608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305421609814044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932282224357016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122837959384979,0.07766373245435043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514890439251054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970471748343826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688673677133608,0.16895782056535338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772082737090408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042218037702631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575779893550652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471849200579126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223813288369302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658087234637392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122254409799526,0.0,0.0,0.12620283093916967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291152948601424,0.1552886319238302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751453659187045,0.0,0.0,0.14736492377127042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sorrowful43,2019/03/18,"I snapped out of a suicidal phase, but now I'm getting back into it I had 8 suicide attempts between 2015 and 2017. I managed to snap out of it, mainly by myself and with help from friends(I also did some therapy, but didn't help me that much). I had recurrent thoughts for awhile, then I was doing fine.

But now, I'm getting right back at it. I'm depressed and anxious as shit. I'm worthless. I can't even be productive anymore. I'm just a loser, a liability and a parasite. There is not one day in which I don't think about suicide. I even have two plans that I could theoretically apply at any time. The sweet release of death sounds so good.

The scary part(or, better said, the find that I find scary when I'm not considering suicide) is that I live 3 minutes walking from a 15-story building. I'm sure one day I'll snap, I'll go there and well, you can imagine what's going to happen. The building is so close, I won't even have time to reconsider my decision, if I just do it impulsively that is.

I want to die and I don't want to die at the same time. It's such a strange feeling.",1.699542857142859,3.624354306666668,3.6401269841269865,88.04800000000002,79.26666666666667,6.419047619047619,26.714285714285715,7.447530270364453,1.3640285714285711,849,36,183,12,21,287,126,225,0.254,0.622,0.123,-0.9916,1,0,0,0,0,5,33.0,0,1,0,4,18,10,1,0,11,0,20,1,1,0,1,32,38,16,7,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,12,11,0,0,7,0,0,3,7,4,1,3,7,4,19,6,23,28,4,23,0,3,0,0,4,9,1,2,11,122,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102364983965924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590668647838427,0.0,0.0,0.14271354338016135,0.12528243096129146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942753182538765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172595854549312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008618237690855,0.0,0.0,0.16294091810183026,0.0,0.1088052530770908,0.0,0.2622149464149771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503133603386409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387472284266366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309211641127363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200127870255066,0.0,0.14358908148919755,0.10595708732292752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171054179991333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693486397208159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154904832942902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286487446971994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120487825752198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679982183063116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078825609054894,0.120165897955851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967284189203504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527249020693951,0.0,0.11906169491546538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446592482698067,0.0,0.0,0.08094523559555715,0.0,0.1002895207641675,0.2209868547416308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234031151271938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902186576967086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135831370450401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lovehatepassionpain,2019/03/18,"Maybe my story will help someone I was reading countless posts from this sub today and I can honestly say I have been where you are... And I had come to the realization that it simply wouldn't get better. I responded to a few people, and as I did, I wondered if perhaps telling my story here could help anyone.  Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but I want to at least try..... 

I was moderately happy as a young kid and teen, but I always leaned toward ""the darkness"". I can't quite explain that, but it was like there was some negate energy inside of me keeping me from finding any sort of contentment.

As I got older, the feelings got darker and I had no positive feelings toward life anymore. I felt absolutely nothing most of the time, and a soul crushing sadness alternating with desperation the rest of the time. The idea of living another 60 years or even 60 days was frightening. I had a child who was 2 when things started getting REALLY bad for me. I wanted to die all the time. I wasn't actively suicidal because my daughter's father had chronic, serious illnesses and I knew he wouldn't survive our child's childhood (he passed when she was 14), but every night I would wish that when I went to sleep, I would never wake up.  I tried medication, I tried therapy, I tried in-patient psych stays.. All trying to get better. I finally just gave up and decided I would simply endure my life as best as possible until I was lucky enough to die.

I went through the motions, all too aware of how pointless it was. I landed a great job that paid 6 figures, bought a nice house, got married to my long term boyfriend, but still life was a struggle ALL THE TIME. I got no joy from life whatsoever.. and mostly just felt pain. Getting out of bed every day was a struggle. Many times I thought if it wasn't for my daughter, I would kill myself. Not because she made my life better, but because I had a sense of responsibility for her since I brought her into this world

Eventually I became addicted to heroin.. The daily pain of life was so great I just wanted to feel nothing. I wasn't worried about the hazards of the drug... An accidental OD was truly the best case scenario.

Addiction becomes exhausting though and adds an extra layer to the pain. Eventually I felt my regular pain PLUS a crushing guilt for the things I had to do, or sacrifice, to keep my addiction going. Thank God, my daughter never knew I was using (she knows now). Thank God I was a high functioning addict. Well, as many of you know.. We spend a lot of energy faking it thru life. Acting like we are normal, happy people, while secretly knowing we are nothing like the rest of thd world. I was able to hide my addiction easily because I had been ""faking it"" most of my life.

Eventually though, my job caught on and I was fired. Then I was arrested for drug possession. My daughter's family found out and filed for custody of my then-16 year old child. My home was forclosed on. My daughter was in a horrific car accident that nearly killed her and was in the hospital in a coma. The department of child welfare came into my life as a result of lies told by my ex's family. I finally (after at least 20 attempts, including detox/rehab and Suboxone) got off heroin so I would pass drug tests by Child Protective Services. My daughter began to slowly recover. Eventually I won the custody battle and the CPS case was closed due to ""unfounded accusations"". When the whirlwind of shit started to slow down, my husband of 15 years left me , without so much as a courtesy conversation. The foreclosure on my house was now eminent. I had no home, no job, no husband, nothing. I was crushed. Getting a shower and getting dressed seemed overwhelming.

I decided to move away. I wanted to be somewhere far away from my past experiences, my memories, and my demons.

My daughter and I moved from Philly to Central Florida. I knew no one and I had no job. (I have been here 6 years and still struggle finding decent employment)

Slowly, and without me doing a damn thing... Stuff got better. I didn't want to die anymore. I didn't carry around the shame of my past anymore.

All my life I wanted to be a happy person. To me, a happy person is someone who is happy 51% of the time, so my expectations weren't farfetched, IMHO. I had given up on happiness a long time ago and just wanted to endure the rest of my life.

After my first year down here, I realized that I wasn't just enduring life anymore. I was having moments of true contentment. Now , after 5 years (and truthfully no major improvement on the income /job, side of things) I  happy about 95% of the time.. I don't know why. It seems like the happiness was born out of relief initially.. Things got SO bad for a while there that feeling nothing felt wonderful compared with the constant despair I felt when my marriage ended and I lost my house. Being somewhere where I didn't know anyone felt great too, because I didn't have to pretend anymore. Slowly but surely, I actually began to enjoy life!!! Its amazing! I never thought in a million years that I would or even could feel this way. I actually look forward to things now!  It's awesome.

I am 48 years old.. 44 years of my life were spent feeling something between apathy and despair.... The last 4 years, I have been happy more than 51% of the time and it's been amazing!! Better than my wildest dreams.. Better than I thought possible! Since I never was truly happy before, I had no idea how great it really feels.. I can't even find the words, but I can say mtt life today is worth every second of despair, desperation, pain and apathy I felt during my lifetime. Please... I promise it COULD happen for you too. No promises, but if you die, you will never have the chance at happiness. I would honestly do every horrible life moment over again if I knew I would feel the happiness and contentment I feel today. It is so very worth it. Please give yourself the chance.  I did nothing special to bring about this change.. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and it happened. I want you to have thr chance for a similar experience. ",3.886294926564045,5.830292639554795,4.987589323541872,80.75081556277365,72.94691780821918,7.830193475497812,28.39397683942946,8.570371606989575,2.2674215576895924,4785,191,875,88,97,1572,450,1168,0.175,0.636,0.189,0.9849,8,0,4,0,0,4,187.0,4,6,0,14,46,74,5,6,63,0,98,38,4,5,13,167,185,73,8,28,25,11,17,4,0,14,34,2,4,8,39,45,0,4,44,3,6,19,34,27,1,5,94,20,148,47,132,71,24,138,3,6,1,0,52,42,2,18,80,614,187,10,0.030893808139808736,0.0,0.060295800518104986,0.16839405484871556,0.0,0.0,0.02738549689022175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02570612322369112,0.0,0.0,0.02100884892889183,0.032394851515343326,0.0,0.0,0.15319178130402938,0.04320333793634426,0.0,0.0,0.027502039112111454,0.0,0.0,0.05805149941865261,0.0,0.051590078723024416,0.0941628934803366,0.034119783887184056,0.02628835529049035,0.0,0.0648422912924665,0.16393837644583145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03533428630754499,0.0,0.0,0.03268155263914422,0.026612280187724803,0.0,0.0333852313727212,0.0,0.07399857584276888,0.0,0.0,0.03984790093839353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825158138338502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074810279217056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027362744243803663,0.03192156224389273,0.0,0.061215206729699476,0.0,0.1041174631872326,0.0,0.0,0.06044014483547629,0.058247865671395976,0.0,0.14058753885503564,0.0,0.20764030427202704,0.06768531347949719,0.08470914285378149,0.026278257421612116,0.0,0.033873466032333766,0.0,0.0,0.0968444379488512,0.029636155842004457,0.017557663113941267,0.0,0.17296020400741713,0.13624213015545114,0.0,0.0,0.05463858501932935,0.3946443987942537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141493676517445,0.03264100448747498,0.06197801698275258,0.0,0.0,0.10694192013377893,0.0,0.06975069796518601,0.0,0.0,0.1532866879298123,0.0549196723188043,0.06835884281643463,0.0,0.08489214505378602,0.02518257697558917,0.0,0.0,0.033566212937964836,0.0,0.3491393652415533,0.06037261660234105,0.0,0.027279798588254252,0.054680096064567515,0.025943018033036124,0.0,0.033724241023773485,0.026264810907431574,0.0,0.029232468242917687,0.0,0.0626429449576812,0.09311094805944437,0.0,0.0,0.03112226150739872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567045775809753,0.022710503669883184,0.0,0.11913604690139967,0.0,0.0,0.02899174613525256,0.0302693726004616,0.17786065272455776,0.0,0.06483570948965994,0.0,0.04186888786714668,0.0,0.16436595018092567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898327115340611,0.04283575334186103,0.05395056327590169,0.0,0.06782424820208452,0.0,0.06965625359532794,0.02958772836059985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03105681010757237,0.0,0.03285936775069696,0.030902168443042864,0.0,0.039582729151060383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049135992438877917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624912528038805,0.0,0.0,0.03171205009956145,0.051111354682108485,0.0,0.030916119278575238,0.0,0.05235244676532643,0.023783562840930448,0.0,0.0,0.04373359282182895,0.032928688925066216,0.04934367017522023,0.0,0.0,0.0968907480978526,0.03536601904124148,0.033792811836987444,0.0,0.029117048558568337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02700255001390674,0.056885735642220714,0.03532976202994815,0.0,0.1231468402586897,0.0,0.060706019281861326,0.07357869837345576,0.16212985170971772,0.0,0.0878511533951051,0.029520357602649688,0.0,0.10487433902051832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02668233106575684,0.0,0.025490627176669202,0.14577574777462168,0.024522066912976984,0.0,0.0,0.027777243714891625,0.05727773931484385,0.027876856621711958,0.0,0.035526354704856974,0.0595610571973225,0.06700603417199702,0.0,0.031374161787109535,0.0,0.17556859932689692,0.0,0.0,0.198945995487498
suicidewatch,ChillerDude218,2019/03/18,"I saw my pictures Fuck no.

Tried suicide 3 years ago

Finally know why I've been bullied

Done all I can with my looks

How do I kill myself? ",-0.7240000000000002,1.4216889333333356,1.495000000000001,97.7025,93.0,4.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.028333333333334213,108,4,25,1,4,36,26,30,0.487,0.513,0.0,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,4,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,5,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29539336380290154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410158435130541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650434481599916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30807105795207906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36867595658690505,0.0,0.1831376395206876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27983408132770315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645057966594887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262451830183021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30069341019256585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145928812529684
suicidewatch,downrightlazy,2019/03/18,"Considering suicide I can't get over the fact that I am inherently lonely. People around me don't really care about anything else but themselves, and I don't find a place for me in this world. I see no point in living and I see no colour in my life. This is even worse because of the nature of the course I'm doing. I'm doing my second year in architecture and in a course where the the entire environment is dependent on competition and creativity, I can't cope. I have no drive to live, let alone create and it's honestly crushing to have your self worth determined by what you create. I see no prospects for me and instead of disappointing my parents for the next 60 or 70 years, I honestly believe it might be easier to just disappoint them one last time. It might be selfish on my part, because my parents would obviously be devastated. But it's just so hard to go on. ",6.141676300578034,6.110315335260117,7.1859017341040445,74.35642485549134,66.16763005780346,10.61942196531792,32.32890173410405,10.355215969177356,3.1857680924855494,695,26,136,16,10,235,104,173,0.23,0.631,0.139,-0.9563,3,3,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,2,1,0,8,7,0,0,8,0,18,1,0,1,2,19,26,10,1,1,5,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,4,0,2,0,5,20,3,22,19,1,21,0,3,4,0,6,14,0,4,5,98,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048640435750805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275145683784536,0.1379425929354598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889179726933477,0.0,0.0,0.17458095699220427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798670984496574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944482257818196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234616069681747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162584772905085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095746905398675,0.0,0.08806436373504213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388090329884103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263088147991105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845174545198407,0.10944913289186572,0.0,0.0,0.27365579233459114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32876503617899344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479615022324345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500135884787518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34411785716484217,0.16780090998058214,0.0,0.1074261232454928,0.0,0.16189474871160964,0.0,0.14648233848442754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926799013522458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37043665630752204,0.0,0.1616516140010904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949536244828156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903553694324313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791214342479296,0.11007541900108417,0.0,0.0,0.1995715762005898
suicidewatch,OtherwiseDelirious,2019/03/18,"Coming to peace that my life was worthless Warning this is long. I need to get it into a post and have it here for me to think through before I commit.

I was an accident, was trouble as a kid because I behaved different to my older two siblings and had a sensory disorder. My siblings were old but I was still young by the time my dad started drinking all the time. They have a very different view of childhood to me. I got abused sexually as a kid. Growing up and now, had panic attacks when I smell alcohol or see someone I know get drunk. In school I got bullied and there became a tradition of forcing me to eat crap out of a puddle.

Only one that loved me was my grandparents because I was the sad little runt. Now only my nans left alive. Sometimes she can’t remember me. I can’t look at old photos because it’s just my beloved brother and sister, if I’m in the picture then I’m in the background crying. I always have injuries in them and can’t remember why. There were lots of professional shoots with my siblings, I got left at home while they happened.

The fact my parents are capable of love, and CHOSE not to love me, has always been upsetting for me, but I’m starting to accept that I just need to kill myself, no need to be sad about it.
I try to think how my parents must feel: you have two perfect kids, then you accidentally have another, and it turns out fucking awful, then you have to pay for its funeral. I can understand why they hate me inside.

I remember the first time my mother payed attention and was nice to me, I was fifteen and experiencing my first (of many to come) psychotic episode.

I’m just sad and hopeless. I’m capable of good and I know I should be grateful for what I do have, but I just wanted someone that loved me and it never happened.
I’m in “psychosis” now technically but I’m more clear thinking than I ever have been. I know what needs to happen now. Time to give everything and everyone a break.",3.7840366157127647,5.113168953608252,5.0774155705652335,82.49005154639175,72.09278350515464,8.032136509065053,30.131887664415217,8.53829466247534,2.294701102026308,1526,65,301,26,29,508,194,388,0.188,0.6659999999999999,0.146,-0.9528,5,0,2,1,1,2,39.0,0,3,4,3,16,21,5,2,16,1,34,11,1,1,8,60,76,28,2,8,11,6,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,14,20,4,0,13,2,2,3,6,13,0,5,17,6,55,8,45,55,3,45,0,5,3,5,22,14,2,3,26,214,69,4,0.0,0.10101602785813324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111418729682537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418819033814423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939977360180375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969925528907334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591628234219373,0.0,0.07254773216727027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468833294502693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365120439931504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815158603824865,0.0977123186331089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351975303679253,0.0,0.08723956176926649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712016139791919,0.0,0.08146705920449095,0.07662381595520702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043108681907960654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503973034291245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881905366353688,0.0890869013874068,0.08178662653996402,0.0,0.07150982689270037,0.20456429283075506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261784003703828,0.0,0.0,0.0841739901517234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552008154633002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943246347120319,0.0,0.1405656428729494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526473787988834,0.0,0.060219793323656665,0.0,0.08545027063985049,0.0,0.07545007894822278,0.07159470811596222,0.0,0.0,0.0724827569500185,0.3077923771021131,0.0,0.0,0.08643757935291776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528690026960133,0.0657557304484291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892651080504535,0.0,0.057772592266851025,0.1296841252239733,0.0,0.10003113990336183,0.1893364130889932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165298166520278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897399000975483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628499798148093,0.06793907602838979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447656554634666,0.0,0.08432170709908908,0.0,0.1206911936365312,0.0,0.06808663623998111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638884174190004,0.0,0.0,0.19885700431375636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788414965033858,0.09273552325064403,0.16656810079859768,0.0887559164529462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034624923293344,0.05028699869758728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386300934459338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jesuschristreddit202,2019/03/18,"Anyone here from India? 

Just a bit curious, wanted to know how many people from my country are depressed, and why.

",4.005714285714284,6.580721238095242,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,74.71428571428572,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.4748857142857141,90,3,14,1,2,29,20,21,0.14,0.763,0.097,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010286720577234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700148966731179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708051094013932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366018082336647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364783703097243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984674462906495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539310726145319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884761470209488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowOneMoreAway,2019/03/18,"I'm lonely Last night I completely broke down, I gave a million reasons to my family as to why this happened but I really only have one. I'm lonely. I'm lonely and it's no longer just surfacing as depression, it's surfacing as anger and hate for myself. All I ever wanted was to have a partner to confide to and share my life with, and I've never had one. I want to know what it's like to be in a healthy relationship and have someone show me love and affection, but I've never had it and I'm convinced now that I never will. Every day I watch with envy all of the relationships my friends are in, every time I'm forced to hear about my friends sexual encounters and the women they've been with something within me continues to die. I'm embarrassed over my nonexistent sex life and my lack of intimate relationships, and I know I've lost all the time to have these experiences as they are behind me and the future doesn't look like it'll shift either. I've gotten help in the past, I've been through therapy, seen counselors, and taken medication, but I'm through with getting help. Life isn't worth living if I don't have anyone to share it with. I confided to a friend last night that I don't intend on being alive much longer, and I'm true to keeping that intention.",5.663139534883719,5.565397019379848,6.668387596899228,77.88862790697677,67.17829457364341,10.135813953488373,30.37829457364341,9.888512548439397,2.724832248062015,1013,34,202,21,15,340,130,258,0.17600000000000002,0.635,0.189,0.7698,0,6,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,4,19,2,1,9,0,20,6,0,4,8,42,44,21,1,4,6,0,0,2,4,2,4,1,0,2,12,18,0,1,3,1,1,0,8,9,0,3,10,4,22,10,36,30,6,24,0,6,3,2,16,9,0,1,17,131,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661396931154798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987711546064734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798869956319784,0.0,0.1066905094013733,0.0,0.1285592626021753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204903992516636,0.2087344911771016,0.0,0.0,0.1211702868347497,0.11677520975714585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871088928637297,0.0,0.06471784802719717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953933080502724,0.0,0.0,0.12229765358641345,0.0,0.0,0.13961240299714794,0.0,0.16605717212423565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010285408571588,0.0,0.0,0.13615328810591024,0.2019439287365339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624827245209732,0.12103490636204048,0.0,0.10938097612872537,0.0,0.1040210259250382,0.0,0.1352205878810636,0.0,0.11179904102063726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478770075958158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105994869245077,0.0,0.2866124629190664,0.0,0.0,0.23249038893677995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678773327272473,0.09421000592766733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182495492617513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935537973960911,0.1273607332722289,0.0,0.39897552825986893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495608520335836,0.09536248264237393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165807876951064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446116302054482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461254702440178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177493773712299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SanchoRojo,2019/03/18,"Ten years It’s been ten years since I tried to kill myself. 

Nothing seems any better, I try to improve myself, to find some shred of happiness but I’m still not good at anything. 

Sitting at work right now just contemplating giving it another try but knowing me I’ll just get it wrong again. 

It sucks being absolute shit at everything and other people just telling you to “keep trying! Practice makes perfect” 

I’ve been trying, I’ve been practicing, for ten long years and I’m still not happy. 

Looking at job applications and knowing full well that I will suck at them even worse than this one. 

I’ve failed upward and am now stuck in an industry that I hate with more responsibility than I can handle. 

Just don’t know what to do anymore. ",4.023215962441316,6.087821908450708,4.564436619718311,83.41430751173712,72.87323943661973,7.268544600938967,25.91784037558686,8.07648339933343,1.6005755868544602,589,20,111,9,12,187,95,142,0.258,0.654,0.08800000000000001,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,1,4,11,13,5,0,1,0,9,1,1,1,1,22,24,6,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,7,1,4,4,1,10,6,16,18,3,18,0,1,1,0,4,8,3,2,9,71,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770828263461166,0.15066248124686776,0.0,0.0,0.14249334569081748,0.0,0.0,0.11823755409494767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707452682315665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949002130947488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913158243369316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132220141628925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506760402663329,0.13783229633450989,0.0,0.1205131458293856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059030553273733,0.0,0.1418556412591652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258162433423374,0.1277106347731979,0.15896218676925633,0.0,0.2368906282428478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715352228120133,0.12065619334721105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590845372770056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786618347351373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736223872061084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961059524392132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270313504585682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080215506922915,0.0,0.0,0.1474868977609596,0.11885474320893127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229488311712268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255838812275759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48775121344429606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918683878832968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460177427992223,0.0,0.1464236270245102,0.0,0.1570930611870097,0.0,0.2775783426580427
suicidewatch,Sperekek,2019/03/18,"I think I’m at my limit. All my life I’ve never been me. I had to be what what the society wants me to be. I did try but all i got was rejection, insults. Every.Single.Day And its hard. It really is. I had to be someone I’m not. Lately i started to believe that being different is a sin. That i’d rather be dead than be gay. I tried telling my family but my dad, he would always make me punch things to make me more manly. I even heard my sister thanking god that i wasnt gay. My 3 brothers i dont will never accept a gay brother and i dont them to think of me differently. Being a kid that is different that acts no so manly enough. I was a target for bullies. They would call me names. Pushed me. And sometimes my brother will hear them cali g me gay and they would ask me if its true. And i see it in their eyes. I dont want their respect for me to be gone. I just couldnt. My sister shes suffering from bipolar disorder and depression. But shes doin fine now. There was one time that she had this episode like she was throwing things being aggressive and she really had a tough childhood she was also bullied but shes a strong woman. She cried and cried and i dont know how to make her happy and i saw my mom she was crying too. She hugged her. My brothers were there too making her feel shes loved and i dont know what i felt. I should be happy but i just stood there. I ddint want to make my mother cry to be a problem to them. I walk straight to my room and cried my eyes out. Im really tired but i try to fight that thought that evil thought but im fighting a losing battle. I think this will be enough.",-0.6349505079447795,1.4780896303724944,1.6701712685595247,97.2157231700964,91.0916905444126,4.6626986194321445,17.100872623078928,6.234304977863048,-0.3841008595988541,1247,32,293,13,44,419,162,349,0.248,0.6509999999999999,0.101,-0.9958,3,0,0,0,3,1,35.0,0,0,7,3,14,24,6,0,9,0,46,11,2,6,5,57,76,23,1,11,12,9,3,1,0,7,3,2,1,4,19,13,0,1,10,0,0,5,11,13,0,1,22,9,69,11,21,34,5,17,1,4,4,6,45,5,0,1,8,203,88,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504558985523635,0.06767933713266193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760396066997632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163953807282464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305470774285574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467272629111131,0.05245597514200371,0.0,0.07005589163508204,0.0,0.0,0.25494120740231263,0.09321985111808463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766348713064213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168086813721844,0.0,0.053722668562311976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667778030409594,0.0,0.04112669687479202,0.0,0.07809678002656703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505304956604775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731706169842143,0.07286244664108131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167330280977837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571697052722576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894019538459995,0.0,0.091752271717345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057451099784781474,0.03973740650287057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099588584018713,0.0,0.0,0.07341029250486493,0.0,0.27146714975196395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526152696248123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546502812157118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511641239466828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782902714958484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632070504372195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481547711754697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891702151113982,0.0,0.08044489263748145,0.0,0.0575711192787576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109258249211597,0.07488466555355835,0.0,0.0,0.10807407566106968,0.1563534064639526,0.0,0.12914581971167974,0.04742856529052687,0.09348552047163894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566852229028348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392493998733147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333953354744888,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LawrenceTeeter,2019/03/18,"Why not kill myself when no one likes me anyway? The world will be a better place fir everyone after I kill myself I have never had a real friend and no woman has ever been attracted to me. I am, unquestionably, an unlovable person.

Sometimes I'll tell myself all my negative beliefs are just depression talking, so I'll put myself out there and try to challenge some of my negative beliefs. You know what happens? All my negative beliefs are proven right yet again. Every living moment is a reminder that I am a worthless human being that will always be alone and unloved. Who could live like this?

There's guys out there that have raped or murdered women and molested kids that can find women to love them. But I can't? What does that tell me? My looks or personality, are worse to women than rape. All my good and bad traits added put together in the package of me is worse to women than literal fucking murder. Who could live like that? Why should I live like this? It's painful, pointless and it's never going to get better.

Committing suicide is the best thing I could ever do for humanity. People have made it clear that I am not wanted and my life has no value. I've been trying to be happy the entire time I've been alone and it just isn't happening.

There's so many things I can't do because of how worthless and unlikable I am. I can't get a decent job because no one will ever like me enough to hire me and keep me on. I'll never be able to start a family. I can't travel because I know the people wherever aren't going to like me either. There's no realistic option for me.

Fact is, society and people in general want people like me to commit suicide. i'd like to find some way to be happy while being an unlovable social outcast and a failure but I don't see that ever happening. I'd rather just kill myself.",2.7828163503163488,4.85854889835165,4.3695104895104935,83.38155011655014,76.5,6.7198135198135205,23.392940392940396,7.686295010490155,1.2545139194139199,1445,45,271,21,33,483,170,364,0.16399999999999998,0.705,0.131,-0.9149,1,2,0,0,0,6,33.0,0,1,1,4,20,35,9,0,14,0,44,6,0,2,15,61,62,21,7,7,11,0,0,8,1,4,2,0,0,11,20,14,0,1,7,1,0,5,20,17,0,2,5,2,37,18,26,43,8,29,3,3,2,4,21,8,1,5,23,201,57,3,0.08018291836254063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660906430413184,0.0,0.0,0.06671861139729973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694938758998392,0.14663628840859075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414702592854435,0.14183055059184355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205860730711916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069061430092475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016861220221088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285038891364903,0.0,0.0,0.2901201608705118,0.06755756698135228,0.0766182146588847,0.0,0.0,0.07558931933521566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657146949463346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194912382456998,0.07412781597583575,0.08378453083303336,0.0,0.09113960064302123,0.06725362766970445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939369551938211,0.21271646969952065,0.17071241518446595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956917404755058,0.07127026202318205,0.2661315572413206,0.0,0.08813286993515748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663556653007613,0.31338658973030353,0.0,0.2832119437331475,0.0,0.06733345684051151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236821437233762,0.07587101609649413,0.0,0.0812928940129356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855260292839356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086680412653904,0.0,0.08532027845383114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223549584864893,0.14002526302966445,0.08377408362462928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121195925002066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126571537141356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847577416958704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389540461750834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173638759759767,0.0,0.0,0.07930295653246633,0.0,0.056753882316222165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754141969486987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444799250484487,0.1401668097080963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653993614061977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675530451114602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887787644634077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458792543601237,0.06364546838854566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470522433410946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342648805957716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cwacyra,2019/03/18,"I want to kill myself after reading r/collapse I feel like everything I’ve lived for is meaningless.  I feel sick, I feel distraught, I feel empty. It was all for nothing.",0.995454545454546,3.592033393939397,2.717333333333336,87.33600000000001,93.84848484848484,5.064242424242424,24.78181818181818,6.742157984588678,1.3812472727272724,134,6,24,2,5,44,24,33,0.417,0.486,0.097,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,1,4,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285345571907038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6421435079858979,0.2268197140684481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512630701211919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511285581541118,0.0,0.28035541298233263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304646657529273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175826305267933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872677864443582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FriendlyBaphomet,2019/03/18,"Right now after I post this, fate will decide if I die or survive Right after I click the post button I am grabbing a coin and throwing it. I want fate to decide if im worthy enough. If I get heads I am going to end myself. Overdose on some pills. If I get tails I will give myself a chance and try to find help before it’s too late - maybe the world wants to tell me i’ll be able become better. If i’m too weak to make this decision I’ll let fate do it for me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Let’s see if I deserve to keep on living. If there’s still hope for me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Goodbye :)",0.3019834710743794,1.7730620082644641,2.547933884297521,96.38735537190084,81.80991735537191,4.7305785123966935,16.785123966942148,4.851557810540192,-0.855056198347107,417,7,101,1,11,142,72,121,0.057,0.7929999999999999,0.149,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,4,0,8,3,1,1,0,20,19,10,1,10,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,15,2,12,14,2,15,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,10,6,61,20,0,0.1755829386509048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391756088903636,0.14940814849742026,0.0,0.0,0.15528884064056314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222736934867745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555143678674351,0.1814241119044237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047962497379067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834696770531116,0.1684351540446751,0.09978783034571828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019875073485547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768954264820113,0.0,0.0,0.1743934759809478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189659703926524,0.0,0.0,0.15606618342163545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806520265271024,0.0,0.0,0.359090901757208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504295165730705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720297497334214,0.0,0.17639666182582198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33631983924083514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998937404779901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991686930507016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022076161634067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346722751218353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920928977717064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071267328267582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justsadaboutgirls,2019/03/18,"Im giving myself one more year. I don't think i have what it takes to get out of my fucking room. I spend much of my time in a panicked state. I miss being a kid, when i was happy. Now: i have to be a genius, i have to have my shit together with careers, i need a GF. Yeah admittedly i care too much about what people think of me but also you know having those things would be nice but im just a privileged pussy. ",0.6131043956043953,2.0160605714285715,2.980315934065935,93.95530906593409,80.64835164835166,5.868681318681317,17.968406593406588,6.6274283507984215,-0.24694615384615395,316,6,77,3,8,109,62,91,0.065,0.757,0.17800000000000002,0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,2,0,5,1,11,2,1,0,0,11,22,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,15,4,10,17,3,8,0,1,0,1,5,3,2,0,4,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862165385228259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374143522335608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152735613195232,0.12165874644001436,0.22337870787851105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247881777538116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030534135230572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797272205103422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423549931437781,0.1726613306918895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779067504459654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614344870421013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390254934946221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508031172912109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470057476954566,0.2984121362956713,0.0,0.0,0.1357814307651291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654157132876891,0.0,0.0,0.14995298191344525
suicidewatch,shiathebeefy,2019/03/18,"25 people ahead of you... I used the suicide online chat today. It told me that there were 25 people ahead me. This made me feel a little more pathetic, but a little less alone. I hope you other 25 find what you're looking for here because I'm still struggling. ",1.3810256410256407,3.852386846153848,2.539999999999999,92.28833333333336,84.38461538461539,4.235897435897436,18.28205128205128,5.46131890053228,-0.3220871794871796,204,5,40,1,6,65,40,52,0.192,0.752,0.056,-0.7516,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,8,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,1,4,5,2,6,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,4,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546045212312781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985496803338166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242984386024664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468308950771226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441634879180937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4927701218686628,0.0,0.0,0.20643429669256672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326091750246636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408535045214426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631921459331209,0.0,0.0,0.2569936596444642,0.0,0.2688968313536011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301697900189536,0.23489997393733714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231717299288774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tagbush,2019/03/18,"I want to end it While I joke about suicide, I really feel that way. I just am too big of a pussy to kms. Well I also think that life is fixable. Also, sometimes I cry about wanting to be a kid again. When I was a kid, I wanted to be one forever because I knew this would happen.",0.961967213114754,2.1125101147541017,3.482754098360658,91.8224918032787,79.0,6.191475409836067,22.036065573770493,6.742157984588678,0.3946760655737704,211,6,50,2,5,74,43,61,0.133,0.769,0.098,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,13,4,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,9,2,7,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131527203767696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574679113292166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837495737204644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287925755598768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306130571784125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284292554894327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245724435389127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504257989622898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548476405488674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554825492978217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825573482946788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551938254518606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570869494624343,0.20504035695696493,0.0,0.0,0.23225839758099576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350129499774626,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IzStoiKzI,2019/03/18,"I’m the father of a beautiful 2 y/o girl and I feel like I’m not going to get to see her grow up. (27/M) I’ve been dealing with severe anxiety + depression for about 6 years now and I’ve never attempted suicide, but recently the thoughts have been so strong that I’m starting to think I’m not going to last much longer. 

This past weekend was my daughters 2nd birthday, and what should have been a happy weekend turned into one of the worst weekends of my life when it comes to my mental health. And it’s not directly because of her... she’s perfect to me. And honestly if I didn’t have her I don’t know if I would have made it this far. 

But the fact that she’s now 2 years old has really put things into perspective for me. Since she was born the only thing I’ve gained is weight (about 50-60lbs). I’m more in debt than I’ve ever been, the diploma that I earned shortly before she was born is probably worthless now, I split with the love of my life just months after my daughter was born, and my dog/best friend passed away suddenly because we didn’t see the signs soon enough. It feels like I’m drowning, or stuck in quicksand.

I haven’t planned a date to kill myself, but I’m worried that it might get to that point soon. I even know how I would do it... I’ve got a thick rope in the garage and there’s also a beam out there that looks like it would support my weight. Either that or I have access to a family member’s prescription hydromorphone. 

I don’t want it to get that far but I don’t know what to do... my psychiatrist has stopped answering calls from myself or the pharmacy so it seems like I’ve been abandoned. My family doctor retired over a year ago. I could go to the hospital, but as someone who graduated in the field of healthcare I know I would be a low triage priority unless I was deemed an immediate threat to myself or others... which I don’t think I am yet. I wish I could go there and get them to keep me for a few days for an assessment but I don’t think I can.

I know this was a long post, but if you’ve made it this far then thank you for reading... I guess I needed a place to vent. If you’ve got any advice on what I can do it’s greatly appreciated. ",2.43049019607843,3.7070914771241874,3.88184640522876,89.94080882352944,75.40522875816994,7.191503267973857,23.425381263616558,7.793537801064563,0.9103511982570804,1704,49,385,24,36,564,220,459,0.095,0.762,0.14300000000000002,0.9758,1,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,1,1,1,6,19,20,2,0,25,0,43,7,0,3,4,72,89,31,3,14,21,3,5,4,1,6,4,0,0,1,31,15,2,3,13,4,1,8,12,7,0,1,19,8,51,13,46,61,6,60,0,4,3,1,19,19,0,11,36,248,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044002884423867,0.08204111567695728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401321632053875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293803658645168,0.0,0.07080146740277117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695496375541449,0.0,0.0,0.11283678901229892,0.0,0.07875431313112853,0.0,0.09712684677603324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945051934234438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972472312847817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778931454077746,0.0,0.0,0.059687911880429774,0.0954162943478934,0.07971427230739665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947301454766012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956302013119759,0.0,0.061129240252387515,0.08371792140175217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449819897878693,0.0,0.09359340484474557,0.132237290023612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150488078720628,0.0,0.19341687239979768,0.0,0.2103960758969801,0.0,0.1480434089554195,0.10203810072321033,0.10195565704192504,0.0,0.0,0.09852254675327553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837767097358864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822638202934416,0.10239426645292178,0.0,0.2543187848787761,0.07544163682623846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307433966142004,0.18086350020407269,0.0,0.0,0.08190496057900805,0.07771975626331135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353113364655257,0.17514849690359374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326991078445876,0.09818227057243924,0.0,0.0,0.07387353986439503,0.0,0.0680358317445071,0.06862559319415366,0.07138124419880842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971169879363784,0.0,0.06271513506845704,0.07038941053648078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883506585821665,0.0,0.0,0.09669637749195636,0.0,0.08749086434684955,0.0,0.08863853209532567,0.0,0.09978592150104404,0.0,0.0,0.0930395881004593,0.0,0.0,0.09257631461161228,0.0,0.0592907127832932,0.0,0.09138321259401012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475027573582299,0.08425519924569481,0.0,0.10455659021260023,0.0,0.0765593660522203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841838981894618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550826450305762,0.0,0.0,0.0773770049918186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123606652387783,0.10502608319261113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520877376993342,0.0,0.0,0.12297390120294355,0.17790934820983947,0.0,0.07347536944846665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066920382323334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545891363319711,0.0,0.0,0.22540502418443084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642939171801116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399030613765813,0.0,0.2629830640714491,0.0,0.0,0.17879994832321353
suicidewatch,lxssx,2019/03/18,"phone call that saved me after talking me down enough we spoke on the phone. i asked about my letter, and if it would have been enough. he said no, and so i asked what he'd rather have heard, to which he said 'you being alive' 

since then it's been said i use suicide as a 'comeback' and if that's the truth, i shouldn't have listened. ",2.9297142857142866,3.757269685714288,2.8500000000000014,99.565,73.57142857142857,5.6000000000000005,19.714285714285715,3.1291,-0.7360571428571432,258,4,63,0,5,77,49,70,0.095,0.795,0.109,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,1,12,18,8,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,10,2,6,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,18,2,0,2,2,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106568742814855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427119337105694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538819210591847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6267675912139593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168377595218668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24024429376882844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653374371600508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969353050350626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602191657186226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kternity,2019/03/18,"Been having these thoughts lately. Should I talk to a friend? I don't think I will do anything. Let me clarify this, first of all.

I have some good oppurtunities to look forward to in the far future, but going through the slog till then doesn't feel worth it. I don't want to feel this way and it's suffocating. I've been thinking about suicide for about 10 days now and I realize this isn't something I should have in my head.

My IRL friends aren't close to me at all and I am confident that the ones closest to me are very bad at this talking stuff. Family isn't an option, not on good terms and they're even worse at handling these things.

I've been gaming a lot since the last three years and have a great, tight online community. Have never met these people & I know people frown at ""online friends"" but...they're very close friends at this point (much closer than my IRL friends) and I am super close with a couple of these.

Should I be talking about these feelings to one of these people i trust the most? I'm terrified about how anyone would react to this. ",3.1055399061032887,4.9422171361502425,3.4287558685446022,91.55656103286388,74.82159624413146,6.2356807511737085,23.10093896713615,6.937597516519254,0.5590262910798119,842,24,178,8,18,260,122,213,0.106,0.721,0.173,0.9487,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,0,0,10,0,25,1,1,2,3,35,37,10,1,5,2,0,4,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,17,10,0,1,8,1,1,2,8,1,0,4,5,5,18,10,28,25,7,29,0,0,1,0,10,16,0,4,12,121,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396115678455002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009662391341428,0.0,0.10603458141311406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758640749518614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257277704925053,0.0,0.08309916585323035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510582317557426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214706154160389,0.0,0.19545499985514106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960182194733503,0.0,0.0,0.4977553880386085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322981259947749,0.2161506311697716,0.0,0.14206027298011126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223978015411014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081393273254262,0.10503193851749168,0.14535116779756554,0.0,0.0,0.13176035269408004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820359956192603,0.0,0.0,0.10954573898759452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472137134609644,0.0,0.09937894732135183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462749981944686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26799017922474905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180720715386804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065880721365557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919690556121344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750521922950302,0.14094365873024758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107001378266652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560383744160385,0.16512688491371533,0.0,0.10229444655656368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263351951529846,0.07600050916377285,0.10227707143801383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131164729664604,0.09153307834609199,0.0,0.0,0.08297674851386093
suicidewatch,isfishadairyproduct,2019/03/18,"im not sure how this works i know this sounds extremely stupid but ever since my ex left me (4 months ago) i've been on a downward spiral and i cant seem to get up. theres probably a lot more things thats causing me to be suicidal but i'd rather not get in trouble with the law or anything if i start talking about my other issues. i really loved this guy and i've never really felt anything than when i did with him, he was really amazing and since we broke up i can see how i ruined it. i literally sounded fucking crazy and i'd constantly breakdown around him and i was so awful and annoying and such a burden. i didnt even realize and now i cant stop blaming myself and im up late at night wondering what it would be like to still be loved and deserving of it. since i watched myself breakdown and ruin the only good thing in my life i've never hated myself more for feeling so many emotions and being so fucking out of control. i've tried killing myself so many times these last 4 months and each time i just fall deeper into this hole because i feel like such a failure and i have maybe one friend left and i feel awful putting all this on him. i dont know what to do. he wont talk to me and i respect that but it still hurts that he's so cold to me. it hurts a lot and i dont like it. i probably shouldnt be exposing myself like this haha. i've fucking whore'd around and had numerous relationships at a time that were mostly for sex and its been awful. its overwhelming but i cant even leave because im so attached to feeling something even slightly close to love even if its just for my nudes or whatever. imsorry. ",2.66126642771804,4.0482038504398865,4.215320951449982,87.33557401976758,75.0117302052786,7.280590854784402,25.82611056804605,7.921354282810032,1.4084922558922557,1287,45,273,19,27,430,168,341,0.174,0.642,0.185,0.1163,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,0,2,26,28,7,1,8,4,24,9,1,4,5,67,44,36,2,5,13,1,5,4,1,3,1,2,0,1,25,28,0,2,10,0,0,2,12,15,0,1,9,10,38,13,30,27,7,38,0,6,2,8,16,17,3,9,23,187,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736470090900023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364103857991178,0.15538787109288052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640499414759094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965625320922849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431409808929098,0.09788719311760063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457309622172196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817349009362683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057928210250656,0.07894592725277717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651699914418476,0.062349824885224475,0.08379842231848841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742904054862431,0.2420551188118576,0.0911959714375716,0.0,0.0,0.07320277200408107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641673011617786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616675046628253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686102581490574,0.0,0.2828184126110593,0.09109322506414712,0.0,0.0,0.09655770443345787,0.0,0.09592895740306487,0.07114139807811813,0.0984508658543314,0.0924124348888035,0.1896507509068196,0.0,0.061645454790696885,0.1705541237851915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839747099936132,0.2363093596850123,0.0,0.0,0.17696785711565474,0.08768023791143317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393253680069893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462490270605093,0.0,0.0,0.0819023944526031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059140317961344877,0.06637715306991095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819607481338832,0.0,0.0,0.08773625086269142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773327215182882,0.0,0.0,0.09370151096543096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954748611175589,0.0794525797935023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658624730561535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671891488080316,0.0,0.0,0.061774236595007415,0.0,0.13939707941619736,0.07296644857924096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546552290516014,0.0,0.08225637687409643,0.0,0.0,0.14029791001379951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596428214896648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267360355280502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925451638782221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464684562042326,0.06353779731777942,0.0,0.0,0.06199820031742491,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaycambodia123,2019/03/18,"Combination of xanax, valium and tramadol to OD? Hi. Throwaway.

I’m currently in a situation where I owe around $2000 to some serious people who are chasing me for the money. I cannot get a loan from the bank, my mother won’t help me.

I’m living in Cambodia, recently had my wallet and all of my cards stolen. I have no way to make this money that fast and cannot withdraw from my bank.

I’m suffering from severe depression, anxiety and paranoia. I want to end it. What is the ideal cocktail to pass away while feeling like I’m floating on a cloud. 

Thanks. ",2.0803733766233776,4.2877197321428575,4.18448051948052,83.1968831168831,79.35714285714286,7.6441558441558435,25.36038961038961,8.575989854853784,2.0128464285714287,438,17,86,10,11,150,79,112,0.16899999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.122,-0.6705,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,0,7,1,0,1,1,11,17,5,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,6,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,10,3,16,15,2,13,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,6,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158581937566144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25118986218945993,0.0,0.0,0.2651066722620071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24303138717466835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499176125707572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267291384223202,0.20158129216011988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742143860086065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913165340616603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785331682624885,0.0,0.2491600284621121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883497203068493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956201671967167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786074347584446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187701828304059,0.0,0.0,0.3171693098258766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597829207911855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664303410594516,0.22397228741336397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freddursst,2019/03/18,I spend all my time writing and no one ever reads I cant stop think about going through the motions and feelings of me hanging myself,10.910000000000005,6.622774814814818,9.799259259259262,72.89666666666669,60.111111111111114,10.8,45.51851851851853,3.1291,3.6190296296296287,108,5,20,0,1,34,25,27,0.084,0.843,0.07200000000000001,-0.0803,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359044516030373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436621760872816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738738150317496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32654664737834743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820285427124866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028884181892532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087808662229907,0.0,0.0,0.2809986773936834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salty-susan69,2019/03/18,"please if anyone reads this... 
how do i say goodbye to everyone? i'm on medication, in therapy and doing everything that should help but doesn't...
i just can't.",1.4369354838709685,4.090559064516132,3.8002419354838723,81.62036290322581,87.38709677419355,8.261290322580646,23.87903225806452,8.841846274778883,2.4778967741935483,125,5,24,4,4,43,28,31,0.0,0.873,0.127,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500496649012729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34171227867551685,0.3213973722206465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23969886482608105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602550836401108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925490794276128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577074010017756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843863236223953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40895891746357854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,de2p0azn1,2019/03/18,"I finallly told my mom that I'm suicidal And it didn't go well, she thinks I'm just sad and overreacting. I've suffered from depression for years now and I've gotten really good at hiding my feelings but I just can't do it anymore, putting up this facade that everything is going well is very energy consuming which I don't have much of to begin with.. I really need help, I feel like I can't keep going anymore.",2.1129705882352923,4.172992929411766,4.518455882352941,81.59180147058824,78.52941176470588,8.485294117647058,23.56617647058824,9.188382445141503,2.089735294117648,329,11,66,9,8,115,58,85,0.168,0.69,0.14300000000000002,0.2008,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,21,4,1,1,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,3,2,0,3,2,9,4,7,18,1,9,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042963432961175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556159156932358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319250744263926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612879775872847,0.14561877333480575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475300176043878,0.170965963153296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662537367759847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117668017587016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958280692251696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387274631514673,0.0,0.0,0.14984115841574394,0.15114004073316525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049090795545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611620629584229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296088829127708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060834830319426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477175162319046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818407730697435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36654179373003865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126216335550522
suicidewatch,flyingswordfish,2019/03/18,Everyone's going to pretend they cared about me after I'm dead But while I'm still alive I'll continue to be treated like a massive inconvenience for existing ,6.3754838709677415,7.32712412903226,7.584032258064513,68.29604838709679,65.7741935483871,11.361290322580645,38.08064516129032,11.20814326018867,4.82143870967742,132,7,22,4,2,45,27,31,0.227,0.5539999999999999,0.219,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5742771689919578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382153750905595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201114419337314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751784965412392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498170772382049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiserableSlip,2019/03/18,Someone please murder me.... I don’t have a lot of money to pay. I just can’t take it anymore. ,-2.2300000000000004,-0.4280549523809505,1.187619047619048,99.01571428571432,98.5238095238095,2.8000000000000003,16.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.1165047619047619,70,2,17,0,3,25,19,21,0.285,0.607,0.107,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842334353938581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151103769214132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359747179373849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137102678200481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671188786361024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thelonearchaeologist,2019/03/18,"I know I won’t get it right the first time. There’s a first for everything, but unfortunately I’ve yet to be successful at anything on my first try. Fear of failure is the only thread reeling me into life when my mind is on edge. One day I’ll convince myself enough to do it with how all this individual suffering is pointless. I am just as worthless too. ",4.217500000000001,5.173940194444448,5.595444444444446,80.59400000000002,70.66666666666667,8.537777777777778,29.677777777777766,8.841846274778883,2.223791111111112,282,11,58,5,5,95,59,72,0.235,0.674,0.091,-0.9209,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,6,5,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,1,1,8,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,7,2,10,7,2,12,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964570643935998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429907203526142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632350980141165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289617882420391,0.0,0.0,0.2866757364226722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6500959710399217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331015428840485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000938897116375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994446498214975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25723489436724994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263191439759545,0.19375639837125386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175635788977476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855255753233754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296526216547284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thwi78,2019/03/18,"I’m 22 years old and I’ve had enough of life. I have no friends, no interests, no skills, no emotions. I have always been this way and life is too long for such a dull person like me. ",0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,1.5850000000000009,101.51000000000002,84.0,5.0,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.6895000000000002,140,3,36,1,4,45,31,40,0.249,0.586,0.165,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692839869193694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36403735363722095,0.0,0.33439369581050193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500337866791553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571753169693019,0.15810803867587747,0.0,0.0,0.28640013403169606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395925981174587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825790308608513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688042838541325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840548526252586
suicidewatch,throwaway238731,2019/03/18,"I'm just another one of my mom's mistakes I don't know what to do anymore, I just got out of a big argument and I feel like everything she's ever told me is a lie... I want to tell her that I've been considering suicide for the past 5 years but she'd just think I'm trying to get attention.",0.2695454545454545,1.7325671666666689,3.3606060606060595,90.5609090909091,81.87878787878788,7.4303030303030315,23.12121212121212,8.344100000000001,1.2276848484848486,227,8,56,5,6,82,50,66,0.111,0.8370000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.5187,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,14,2,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,9,1,7,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28885340848855784,0.0,0.0,0.2731913629000232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491776051044408,0.0,0.0,0.2475738977667269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392854724669261,0.1967952063421355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439212543873673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031783325091425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513906334225794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458030573700475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226261236414241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666501626535345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629664610192244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013185251645027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407721673212631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650949987908646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632225651439632,0.0,0.18702546159048344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247883401982893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739309246253235
suicidewatch,season2episode3ga,2019/03/18,"The thoughts are getting stronger again. The thoughts are getting stronger, I get depressed in March. It's horrible. My boyfriend's birthday is at the end of the month, then my dad's and mom's in April. My uncle died too around this time last year.
I've tried to kill myself four times now, I promised if I did the fifth it would be for sure. A failed attempt is not pretty. All I did was get hot and cold flashes, couldn't move very long and felt like throwing up but couldn't. Like the flu times 1000000! I can't just fail again. It's too much to deal with. But I'd have to wait anyways. I can't kill myself around my boyfriend's birthday.. too selfish. Then he'll loathe his birthday. I can't do that to him. I'm selfish. 
My family doesn't like me. They hate me. 
I just want to be alone.",0.5246507177033486,2.7792550727272776,1.0271451355661902,103.16598086124405,86.15151515151516,3.9585326953748012,21.411483253588518,4.9825596385082,-0.4510000000000001,617,21,147,2,19,185,99,165,0.238,0.6509999999999999,0.11,-0.9802,0,1,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,3,11,13,3,0,7,0,18,1,0,0,2,22,30,8,3,5,6,2,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,7,8,0,1,6,3,20,5,14,18,2,23,0,3,0,0,7,6,0,1,18,85,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993354770971295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292125358427009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915544454108253,0.14131866323861578,0.0,0.17028527879207714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532288746268965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467651841651436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753896351906385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428923461777254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199136192172675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630521972934792,0.0,0.0,0.13374407066911012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404781540776076,0.0,0.0,0.14520234842014518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921641611319624,0.13096412474397262,0.17438712391876485,0.12061494781492192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669245676154105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463995618351392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26051648446039344,0.2870226025141141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139702678508948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538011800067667,0.0967764435462191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655508478349355,0.0,0.0,0.10565974763269392
suicidewatch,zyanoze_fren,2019/03/18,"Im bpd with feelings of suicide I get to this point like mentioned in this sub where you dont feel like justifying why you want to die, and depression or feelings alike chaange your perspective on life and existing. I had to drink last night to contain these feelings of wanting to die. Ive felt for the past 14 years of my 20 year old life where ive wanted to die or have attempted. I  just want it to be known out there, somewhere, where i feel it can be known without people spazzing over it overdramatically. 
",7.696534653465347,6.4867485544554455,7.359287128712872,78.27853465346537,63.45544554455447,10.456237623762377,37.031683168316825,9.3871,3.1477865346534646,408,17,83,6,5,129,68,101,0.17800000000000002,0.753,0.068,-0.946,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,3,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,0,21,19,4,4,4,4,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,8,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,10,2,17,15,0,14,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,2,8,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511704560198007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343286741416388,0.0,0.4823493056104369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156576443072006,0.15176318823115267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39166249712883294,0.11067529236725973,0.1487480503287129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093960825190186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734080948472674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628094860258698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884997254226066,0.15137273880973715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538246848819267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625630868836936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788922198383286,0.10740242294027756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645002161376486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945796845414648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655046846491372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979172590877126,0.0,0.0,0.14933790949873305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199527546805082
suicidewatch,Lethal-IceCube,2019/03/18,"Can’t remember the last time I was happy There’s no one around anymore, all my friends have become distant, and my best friend doesn’t talk to me anymore. I have no future, no funds for college, no job, no love life. My body is disgusting, there are scars all over. So much has been going on and it’s all just piling on. I don’t really sleep anymore, and I’ve reached a point where I can’t stop crying. I lost my will to live. I want to just drive up to the beach and drown.",0.7345544554455437,2.6351615148514895,2.1351386138613897,97.74389603960398,82.36633663366338,5.228118811881188,19.01089108910891,6.2581,-0.27251762376237565,367,9,87,3,10,118,68,101,0.22,0.599,0.181,-0.3818,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,1,0,3,0,12,4,2,0,3,13,16,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,2,9,2,0,1,3,0,11,5,10,12,5,13,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,4,58,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5449694790712689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306109680235634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229806817682375,0.0,0.0,0.19222674897351846,0.0,0.0,0.20346177826128128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120483165917688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830350459365552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041003466315606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498902200176116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817690343406448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930887870568796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937915167191788,0.0,0.0,0.16174342055928365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999528728668634,0.0,0.1653190522696084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465182062497547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412146513356576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315587787029849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173440849875036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749712794403852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833033651754528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313922575066288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722597668034215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680853047707893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803904949744884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ErMagno,2019/03/18,"I need help [Sfmbe]
Hello i'm alessandro and i'm from italy, i have been a reddit user for the last couple years and yet i never made a post or thought of sharing what i have been going trough

Im only 18 and since i was little i had suicidal thoughts, and no matter what happend or how i felt i never really got rid of them

Last year has been pretty rough, i have been struggling with addiction to pshchedelics and dissociatives, never really made daily use of anything, but i started getting into the ""misuses"" of them, being shady, avoiding my friends, declining invitations etc etc

I lost a year of school and at the end of the year i was pretty lonley and depressed, my psychologist was friend with my mother and was telling everything i was doing to my parents so i got kinda back stabbed and started having trust issues with my parents

After an attemped suicide with an overdose i got hospitalized and since then i have been with a psychiatrist and been following a treatment with medications (cymbalta and mirtazapine)

Now a couple things before telling about how i feel now

1-my parents never really been in my life that much and i always have beed kind of alone every day since i was 12 (when they divorced and i moved with my dad, wich is alway away for work) and i have tried talking to them multiple times but they think ""everything is in my head"" and really don',t help (they just get progessevly more worried and i get anxious every time they speak to me)

2- medications have been working for me, i really startet training my mindfullnes and tried to keep me occupied during the day, i am triyng to taper off really slowly tho, im back in school and im doing great (even going to gym and got from 100lbs to 140lbs (im 6"")

3- my close friends really are not there for me when i need them and have gotten used to how i am and never know what to tell me

4-i had the oppotunity to get in a relationship a couple times and never wanted to go any further, i really don't see the point

Now, i feel good, im doing good everything i do makes me feel good and i like who i am; and yet i still want to die, every day i think about it and have been planning it a couple times this month (was thinking about making a trip this summer and commit suicide away from my hometown), i feel like i am pretty smart and really would love to go to unuversity, but im scared im scared that im going to hurt myself because i know i would be able to do it
I have morals, but existential nihilism always gets me, and really the only thing that is keeping me from doing it is that i still live with my dad, as soon as move i will feel enabled and i'd probably do it

My psychiatrist avoids this argument and says i just need time, but i don't feel that that is an appropriate answare.",5.44063323690132,5.832686020036429,6.3332181506482375,78.41622709739636,67.6703096539162,9.227493839065682,29.079663559412843,9.168548406835145,2.3100705668059582,2191,71,425,38,34,727,237,549,0.111,0.763,0.126,0.8435,3,3,0,0,1,6,48.0,0,0,8,5,24,22,0,5,21,0,54,6,1,9,7,94,104,48,4,7,10,6,8,2,3,3,4,2,0,0,20,41,0,4,14,1,0,9,10,8,0,0,29,11,72,14,55,70,4,62,1,3,1,1,31,13,0,3,41,294,92,4,0.050698280910539975,0.0,0.0,0.05526860953981383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250812922178962,0.0,0.0,0.1265550932165253,0.0,0.0,0.03447656953729787,0.0,0.0,0.057274626736980964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417203654158841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526540760161263,0.07796769720417254,0.0,0.030905201478634625,0.0,0.04314050295003905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243867341231924,0.0,0.0980885910694928,0.0,0.04366635505932934,0.0,0.05261681135885444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449036288397241,0.0,0.11308396940114793,0.03348573639453668,0.0,0.12814646479816758,0.0,0.1366930375151065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538074448476021,0.03621886201248528,0.04867830022625365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750809820687945,0.0,0.13243879640689635,0.0,0.14406500691900967,0.12756993799234564,0.1621921864810401,0.05589503368452471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052031062668610815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796397804087816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427355828151942,0.0,0.43810274601653415,0.05291583344370337,0.0,0.09012592303717157,0.0,0.05279445790666661,0.05572489862768722,0.08265173110300929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035809695133406164,0.04953723836760975,0.05081299638864799,0.044767510879570975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534316252566103,0.0,0.04575717791480367,0.09594387846140454,0.06768299237277707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214636857540564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046688413297945,0.10776849846017038,0.037269069888213366,0.11277639869874165,0.2346098381285209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711665436899846,0.0,0.0,0.16888332364234526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792626259303701,0.0,0.04855493881304748,0.15473513414103265,0.05466132164368569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247861695496861,0.0,0.0,0.054430980395946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031730786005689,0.10151564715612868,0.10261873386701212,0.040399965957143416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581442561233347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176900834219997,0.0,0.08097542524959292,0.0,0.0,0.053000850984630435,0.0,0.1663670719564988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074935777914322,0.1329375963989939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673633701660268,0.09745623390184116,0.0,0.08049754398007437,0.14781287651855493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884160963139016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757407371716412,0.0,0.0,0.059806319256402514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381790463296904,0.05148656521777233,0.0,0.07202920830821348,0.0,0.0,0.13059212279182147
suicidewatch,VeryAnxious123,2019/03/18,"My friend is telling me that they are going to commit suicide I don't know what to do, they've occasionally said that they feel empty, or nothing is fun, but since I went through phases like that, I didn't really think much of it, I helped them get their mind off it by talking but I can't do much more. Now they're telling me they are going to die, tomorrow, the day after I don't know when. I feel like this is all an elaborate joke, but it really isn't like them to keep it going for more than an offhanded comment if it were. I don't know what to do, they are saying to not do anything and I want to follow that, since it's something they're honestly wishing for, which they don't do often but that would be letting someone die. I don't know what to do. I want to help but I don't think I can, I don't know their address. If they do go through with it, it will be my fault, I could have stopped them, why didn't I. But if I call someone what can I say? A friend of mine is saying they are planning to kill themselves, but I don't know where they live? I don't even know if it's a joke, I sort of agreed at first since I thought it was a joke, like yeah totally haha pools are only made for drowning, and they responded like it was all a joke. But at the start I was confused, it was vague, 'please don't take it upon yourself to convice me not to'. Oh wait it wasn't I just assumed that when they said they didn't want to live anymore it was an edgy teen joke. I'm sorry, this is a mess. I don't have any right not to tell anyone,  I have to tell their parents or their sister, something.  What should I do? I want to respect their wishes but I don't think I should, I don't want to lose a friend like this, but I don't know if it's the right thing to stop them from doing what they want. ",3.096538461538465,3.1835848076923083,4.1093846153846165,93.3856153846154,72.71794871794873,7.060512820512821,24.57435897435897,6.360717304075467,0.44344820512820426,1385,35,340,8,25,450,151,390,0.1,0.6920000000000001,0.208,0.989,1,0,2,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,21,3,7,23,1,1,12,2,58,0,0,1,4,64,95,21,5,17,21,2,2,6,3,4,0,5,1,0,33,3,0,4,15,6,0,6,23,5,0,1,15,7,59,18,35,72,7,23,0,1,0,0,41,7,0,11,16,234,92,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812130614285325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476148740825055,0.05976135196865025,0.0,0.07033304540653426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872725870866448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823940228313399,0.0,0.0,0.05511991774107693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774049937271354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645093936333341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643057888311143,0.061058498436048374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269920639972854,0.0,0.0,0.1980975555806934,0.0,0.04465360640262549,0.0,0.1942941884065022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145750643818153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596806228914083,0.094557899015621,0.0,0.3757686958286763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739702411526255,0.0,0.2505326691671482,0.0,0.15093997111691687,0.0,0.0,0.09561705275156103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808720764192517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629851673547141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565792070982332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200904202129941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500241667669776,0.0,0.0,0.0949023204993404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381841687292652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095062336230419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597874989487994,0.16259965852088207,0.2039032268383006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121005322264088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483385529944245,0.13159519036233291,0.0,0.09567465138516568,0.06049483114776452,0.0,0.0,0.14291048273706947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348833764539727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426144899212745,0.06869610087059341,0.2988118923236531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678127367049018,0.16429371257516265,0.0,0.0678522031078558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024681490150681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922987673328424,0.07712175586082481,0.0,0.19656842170929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060714156360307366,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeetusfetus04,2019/03/18,"Suicide is the only option m14 I’m in HS and that’s not the best but it’s bearable for the most part. Other than my friends kinda getting revenge on me... I wasn’t the best person in the fall semester. They bully me which I’d say is warranted because I was a dick to them. But at home it’s worse, getting yelled at, yelled about, too many expectations. It’s just all too much. It may not seem like much but when it’s been for 3 years straight it grows and grows. 

Ending it would be an easy fast fix",1.1548113207547177,2.9858869339622665,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,80.60377358490567,5.372075471698114,20.97735849056604,6.2581,0.01448981132075522,389,11,90,3,10,126,73,106,0.238,0.677,0.084,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,2,5,4,0,0,7,0,8,1,1,0,1,16,12,6,1,2,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,1,1,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,3,7,4,10,6,7,13,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,5,5,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054137956529458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838968268493652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419921704718755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812266157964732,0.0,0.2409061292528381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126084191795396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263527637656245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23374191199380984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33896213236635336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534396273021588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24966360844092675,0.0,0.0,0.2013077102580567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334292597730772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098844187465852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521847098906532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349505467439789,0.1637763842379508,0.0,0.0,0.14846689407777475
suicidewatch,INoGiveAShit,2019/03/18,"I am a stupid worthless piece of shit The only more pathetic thing than that is that I don’t have the balls to kill myself.  I have fucked up everything I have ever touched. I have lost millions., missed opportunities that  others would beg for and on top of that I am an arrogant cunt. There should be places where people like me can go and get assessed for euthanasia. That’s not to mention that I make my partners life he’ll along the way also.   Would there be someone out there who would quietly hunt me down and kill me when I wasn’t looking? Is that allowed here?",3.0941071428571405,5.1818759107142895,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,75.60714285714286,6.622857142857143,24.59285714285714,7.554174236665415,1.0852292857142858,450,15,92,6,10,140,78,112,0.298,0.65,0.053,-0.9873,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,8,11,6,0,5,0,17,3,1,2,1,13,25,5,2,4,1,0,1,1,1,5,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,9,0,1,2,3,13,2,12,16,2,11,0,3,1,1,4,7,3,0,3,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735715783816619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633049986103165,0.0,0.0,0.19506691655019515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065549557775167,0.11339755754797945,0.0,0.12335222273205268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802584005671466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330598264386575,0.10603769422104346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226394469385504,0.0,0.2369313081836507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487986584820292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507323550512087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504723422710212,0.0,0.2267668357010768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227945622253725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390234030737296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419569363872015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722809829571237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625496747855175,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,denizgonen,2019/03/18,"Im tired İm hard of hearing. Also i know that im not easy guy. 

Because of my hearing i can not meet new people, or join groups. İ born alone, i grow up alone. Im still alone. 

Im Turkish and handicapped persons like me isolate themselves society. By the way i also can not meet people like me. 

Ah of course my relationships also weird too. Sometimes i meet a girl, later i liked her but our relationship always stuck in friends with benefits or fuckbuddy. I dont like that, i really wanted to love and being loved. 

In plus these days im unemployed. Luckly i have everyting, but doing nothing also killing my soul. 

As a 27 years old hard of hearing guy, im really thinking killing myself. Im not ready for that now, but im really killing myself. I just bored. Nothing intereating and exciting for me. 

Thank you. I just wanna write myself into a anonymous and foreing society. Sorry for my bad grammar and typo. I know my english is bad. ",1.5150247035573088,4.085123298913047,3.768557312252966,82.94047430830041,85.03260869565217,6.606324110671937,25.21146245059289,7.84624498591911,1.8868239130434783,733,31,135,15,22,251,106,184,0.16699999999999998,0.612,0.221,0.9657,2,3,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,1,0,0,9,18,3,0,4,1,7,3,0,0,0,26,18,16,3,2,11,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,0,4,4,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,1,5,26,11,17,16,0,14,1,0,0,2,20,4,0,3,12,81,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24395764671408385,0.0,0.25115785182948536,0.06533185787581294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111567472096905,0.04786281245522892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050636523020268734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202052794875758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066150461581319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554869780193827,0.0,0.0,0.14067037917668512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654807557483198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.678488686870601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605999841696709,0.0,0.08630101874428778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343640786021015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417280664894437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583153931139014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506770298057625,0.0,0.0823896571411467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886664336669297,0.06855741143053534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089867184935354,0.0,0.0,0.16859426127646798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765463604238848,0.08789257832492682,0.0,0.0,0.06270322480963328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228726719697465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050310079670153336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024294556738513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046310952610770735,0.0623225904753812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056192794630603
suicidewatch,liferuiner_33,2019/03/18,"I can't stop ruining my life \[33/M\] I'm at the verge of total life collapse.

This is my third depression episode, diagnosed with severe depression and taking medication.

My life has been and is a mess. Terrible childhood with narcissist mother that abandoned me at 12-y-o. Distant and abusive father that hurt me when he found out I was gay at 15-y-o. Moved to another country at 17-y-o to escape from my father, and joined my awful mother that btw is mentally ill I believe. Lived with her for terrible 5 years and moved to another country alone at 22. In the middle I studied and had jobs. Had my first major depression at 24 while at grad school. Then was more or less stable for some years, because I crafted a new identity that buried my hurtful past (changed name and also lied about my origins).

More recently I had a burnout and quit my well-paid job. Thinking I had recovered, I took another job and had to go on sick leave immediately after starting because of depression. Soon I will have to rely on my partner financially.

I've been in a relationship for 8 years, and had a double life of cheating for 3 years. Now I feel guilty and wonder if I stayed in the relationship for fear of being alone or I really loved my partner.

I live very very far from any family, dont talk to my mother. I have friends, but I cannot share this fucked up background with them. I'm isolating more and more every day, drowning in my thoughts.

I'm doing therapy and all they say is that this takes time. Easy to say when you didn't go through what I've been through.

I feel like my life is over: ruined career, relationship standing but based on lies, identity crisis and dont know who I am as I denied and neglected my origins because of hurtful past, far/estranged from family, isolated. I feel like I'm going mad.

I kinda understand why I wake up every day feeling suicidal.

I read that after a breakdown comes the breakthrough. I just dont see how to continue with this baggage on my shoulders. I stay alive because killing myself would hurt my partner, friends and family. But I'm stuck in a life that I thought fulfilled me, but I was just escaping from myself and burying my traumas and problems being a workaholic, sex addict and crafting an identity and past that now is crumbling.

I'm desperate.",4.923648190045249,6.334795807692307,5.7081872171945705,78.7392944004525,69.42986425339367,8.87341628959276,32.59078054298642,9.271962702966755,3.0335902714932126,1825,83,332,37,32,596,226,442,0.244,0.684,0.07200000000000001,-0.9977,3,2,0,0,0,1,59.0,0,1,2,3,10,28,4,1,13,1,33,17,2,3,2,60,62,34,3,3,9,5,4,2,5,2,11,2,0,3,14,27,0,3,11,1,0,7,6,22,0,2,18,7,53,6,53,40,10,61,0,12,1,4,25,23,1,6,30,215,67,8,0.0,0.08414944094914455,0.0,0.07742444902798203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471147187648549,0.0,0.05679625731426205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048297386582112085,0.2234182375534628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317737620001805,0.0,0.0,0.08001745846456124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513184502677332,0.061179153051571976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916066121766727,0.0,0.24468453320457445,0.07208582176571446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24971171932718245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967817433793708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085962553942294,0.07991948062037021,0.14364340232042971,0.10147624335354777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060411265828584464,0.0,0.07787194288354386,0.10974282189892644,0.06565868251365058,0.0,0.0,0.12109029567912286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30412202381951703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143508956332613,0.0,0.07857530579104717,0.0,0.03903182664909293,0.0,0.0,0.0752020294277716,0.0,0.0,0.30098957856720354,0.06939551074135665,0.0,0.12542743134176734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410011611703295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154717997259209,0.07157345830845019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097026477282582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685934775742602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339556858271865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795844979412778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554062540364558,0.07104120652068069,0.0,0.045498503470000465,0.0,0.0701256439689815,0.2287531042828116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295906929258888,0.0,0.07187804248882952,0.05659532836135098,0.0,0.0,0.08023462966260497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050269727920119085,0.15139997665164076,0.0,0.05937756125459349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768652640188439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067993908007207,0.05708478285529354,0.0,0.0,0.08121983171899727,0.0,0.0,0.04550802150333726,0.0,0.1127670488303731,0.0414134917414418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890804075298438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393639315271355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720115453626848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638572956769045,0.0,0.06408629647012043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702031526555073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045198181770613,0.0,0.0,0.18294332422580087
suicidewatch,Leiskorn,2019/03/18,"My uncle passed away. Hey there,

​

I am currently sitting in front of my PC, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette, gonna eat soon and head over to work.

​

Last night I spend some fun time  with my friends, when I came home my mom cried and told me, that my uncle passed away. for the last few months, alot has happened and I was torn, when I realised, that my uncle had liver cancer and had to get a transplant, the last week, I was glad, that he made it and we all thought, that he would recover. Seems like it didn't turn out like that. I feel kinda empty and just wanted to let it out here. Thanks for reading, I try to figure out how to deal with it.

​

Best regards,

Leiskorn",4.851349206349209,5.396571214285718,4.636666666666667,89.52611111111112,69.0,7.079365079365081,27.698412698412696,6.42735559955562,1.0293888888888896,550,17,115,3,9,168,92,140,0.071,0.785,0.14400000000000002,0.8999,1,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,5,0,9,5,2,2,1,27,21,10,0,2,1,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,9,14,2,0,4,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,9,1,16,7,17,9,5,23,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,4,13,74,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848929147710938,0.4316448550208469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250097078437706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242644281796229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542997311238714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006828387109284,0.0,0.1220759414078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599713016517868,0.0,0.12116341864235207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059871865094286825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148359509254507,0.0,0.061864556111026536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470994143847448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152325010902165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877530368769522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28956088369978616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108267479146988,0.0,0.1156986980296474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204280040323587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868085025980553,0.09451406581767896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111201558000623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844246137956113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779639721620192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109016403804642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400464519201532,0.0690460668731826,0.0,0.0,0.11314622861198735,0.0,0.08039290104860759,0.12879653220121665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698415323494857,0.0,0.09498169478401637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620419444794429,0.0,0.0,0.08411536347185229,0.0,0.4316448550208469,0.0
suicidewatch,bobtheunbeatable,2019/03/18,"I just want to stop suffering I have a chronic tic disorder. basicaly tourettes syndrome. But i don't swear, i don't shout at people, i don't punch the air or anything like that. i cough.

It sounds so dumb i know it does. But i can't breathe, i retch from the effort of it, i feel exhausted, it makes my stomach hurt and kills my appetite, My lungs hurt, my chest hurts and i hate going out incase it flares up and makes the simple act of walking difficult. I've never had a romantic relationship because of it. so i just sit and play video games or browse reddit. I used to have hobbies like card games or tabletop games that kept me going but it's taken those away aswell since i never seem to get a break from it anymore.

I've had this for almost ten years now and it's ruined every opportunity i ever had in life so here i am i don't have a purpose i don't have a reason to live i just have a lifetime of suffering ahead of me with no end in sight. I feel like i've done my best and tried everything i could to try. So now i'm just going to sit in the same spot of the same room for the rest of my life until i either die from old age or finally snap and slice my wrists open instead of face another day of my dull, pointless, painful life.",1.972481852748011,3.4774274182509544,3.5194210162461133,91.1224291393018,77.09885931558934,6.606913238852402,22.981161424127198,7.348242739294969,0.7139140684410652,973,29,219,12,22,322,142,263,0.17800000000000002,0.746,0.076,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,13,19,3,0,12,0,17,13,6,4,3,40,33,19,2,2,12,0,2,3,0,0,7,2,1,0,13,10,0,2,5,5,0,5,9,13,0,1,6,5,32,6,30,26,5,32,0,7,1,0,4,10,1,6,17,140,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466631504842802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101821581593604,0.0,0.0,0.1333720061468869,0.0,0.0,0.1106688857300124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635215922476006,0.0,0.0,0.08198020743125714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113267694945206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737454307438377,0.0,0.0,0.08673106421989515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957317549125986,0.0,0.15413033256944678,0.0,0.11768786797450775,0.1376238394037852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191129204979186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164849110481606,0.11330858305517175,0.0,0.12086556128363547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599831775669466,0.09607540733103807,0.0,0.1473206651263742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026234731968535,0.0,0.2292910950728613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277512269969233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319037592128931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878663735578265,0.0,0.07390889769383574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849701113046826,0.19710629033218455,0.0,0.1187518492841882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953824886481848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744472639970987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111835130748707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310047400233947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932342830239508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827196590811466,0.0,0.14438550308857215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242919657295613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112465670940434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243465850392632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261163711825532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615100995048586,0.0,0.0,0.07932215652645658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660329655804846
suicidewatch,throwaway544w,2019/03/18,want to kill myself over racism I'm too scared to go outside or I'll be killed randomly. How do people cope when media shows people like you being killed just for existing? I'm scared to live. I want to kill myself before anyone kills me,1.213750000000001,3.7751962083333375,2.5258333333333347,91.2025,86.91666666666666,4.866666666666667,14.25,6.42735559955562,-0.4411499999999999,190,3,37,2,6,61,35,48,0.455,0.472,0.073,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,8,3,5,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990186624323336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374611522595406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932735456391007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8694657355900726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767887801211169,0.0,0.1387902379212487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179335884251216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31472334612103986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541422374631275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweetcatahoulamama,2019/03/18,"My sister talks about killing herself every day I suffer with suicidal thoughts too. You folks know, the word ""suffer"" is not being hyperbolic. It's a physical hurt that brings you into a mental and emotional deep pit you can't figure out how to escape. It's like you've forgotten where your limbs are. It's the most helpless feeling and you feel so alone, which is why I feel like the ""pit"" metaphor is perfect. It's a dark and lonely pit.

I'm starting to notice that people who suffer with suicidal thoughts tend to be visual learners and visual types. Not always. Anyway, it's really hard for me when my sister threatens suicide daily because when I'm feeling suicidal, I don't feel like it's my place to tell anyone in the family. I just want to kill myself even more because I feel even more insignificant.

My therapist tells me to first try to think about stuff I can visualize that I think is beautiful. It's difficult at first, especially when I'm deliriously sad. But then I think about my dog's eyes or something like biking in the summer and I try to hold onto that. If I can try to miss those things enough to not want to die, I'm a little ok. She also says most people don't want to die, they just don't want to live like this. I agree. I don't want to live with my sister talking like this and I have a lot of shit in my life I don't like.

One other thing she has me visualize is my dark pit. If I can visualize it and stop being so afraid of it, maybe I can overcome it and imagine myself taking a small step out of it and into a brighter area. This, I'm still working on but it's worked one time. One is a start.

I'm always going to have to deal with these thoughts, it's how I've been coping with life since I was 9. I used it to escape the trauma. Therapy helps though.

I am just trying to offer a little hope as I'm having a decent day. Tomorrow might be terrible and I might need to read someone else's post. Much love to you all.",2.9866997518610425,4.2900295062034735,4.442282878411913,86.36803970223328,74.03722084367246,7.284367245657568,23.42183622828784,7.831003766801068,1.0458704714640197,1533,42,322,21,31,511,192,403,0.13,0.74,0.13,-0.7203,0,3,1,0,0,4,41.0,0,6,1,5,21,26,3,1,16,1,30,5,2,3,2,65,66,26,8,9,11,3,7,7,0,2,2,1,0,0,29,19,0,2,15,2,0,3,9,15,0,5,5,9,43,11,43,55,8,36,0,8,1,1,23,17,1,9,22,211,72,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395322378971715,0.0,0.06482327452692263,0.1348960401624372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056678706068378625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988262706920214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045533781698436,0.08356881311667508,0.0,0.0,0.16825398293863206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677148335513689,0.0911810576608439,0.0,0.0837561600601708,0.0,0.10707810630310624,0.0,0.06829614764106043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641570802616576,0.0,0.2459167947742629,0.11581788469741355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789838466493012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606799726210679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261341455784852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433249234613273,0.0,0.0,0.08051040037833945,0.0,0.0,0.08677590026158925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793607135113432,0.0,0.04454819619823887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450948239568336,0.2772111332250901,0.16248588248967746,0.1431540949976021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689139112147882,0.07315938797288744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143519010166983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168893790128078,0.17198269702076627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958807923900255,0.06010461223481596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922868088495408,0.0,0.0,0.16478410017728692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123929394741738,0.0,0.0846899531669265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763262002821866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108146294804361,0.0,0.05192880870091012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446178943221006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320643969996135,0.0670532784539056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868147425424273,0.06240358416315344,0.0,0.0,0.11474870096911507,0.0,0.06473424304198519,0.06776939425160232,0.0,0.0,0.09279376519474657,0.3546638645661474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060946676388170765,0.1303051547873472,0.1416991990378063,0.0,0.09269863363389168,0.09411635861261552,0.10770469591270752,0.15581901575478438,0.07964057380305943,0.19305663021443245,0.04726646210893561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013639202480292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700094053808273,0.0,0.0,0.2390550462845505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314361519474963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802460226992692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Desuc,2019/03/18,"I seriously want my suffering to end. Majority of my primary school being verbally bullied,being a crybaby.That doesn't seem serious but secondary school was worse,making friends was difficult and i once lost about 10 friends in just 3 months.Then found out i have autism and yet,my family still treats me the same.They just don't understand my feelings.
I really want to die,but i am scared to.I don't know what to do.My new student life is about to begin and i have a feeling that it's gonna be hell.Making friends is already difficult.I don't know if i should have the confidence to kill myself before it gets worse.
Life is already so bullshit,i wish everyone would burn in hell for what they did to me.But that will never happen.",2.374081632653059,4.779487768707488,3.804789115646261,85.23902040816328,79.47619047619048,7.729523809523809,25.44625850340136,8.648137234880735,2.0553287074829933,590,23,116,14,15,194,90,147,0.194,0.64,0.16699999999999998,-0.8032,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,2,1,4,0,19,2,0,0,1,21,34,6,1,6,4,0,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,2,13,4,13,23,1,8,1,2,0,0,4,3,1,2,5,65,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556577567040701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712357767833522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672443510430992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272773417532605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398213406996536,0.0,0.0,0.15191432945746525,0.0,0.16296075743863755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668852993627238,0.3735035460983167,0.0,0.08419225713598147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250108411770065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828443410324962,0.0,0.17712351370683566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22764470400123965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591015233041787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428591139350162,0.15563603869416065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716154818748301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323440503387783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613354942164308,0.32617718761790443,0.0,0.14670148083615298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869159206497768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677589145872447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009645005084952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853102183521455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422178138064514,0.11447366239562305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chunkydonuts24,2019/03/18,"Being molested as a child and continuing the behavior. My aunt went the a rough divorce when I was around 3 years old. She had a very abusive husband. Her and my 14 year old cousin lived with me and my parents on and off for a little over 3 years. Consistently over this time my cousin would want me to sleep in the same bed as her because I was ""so cute"" and would instagate playing ""doctor"" every  night that I slept in the same bed. She had me touch all of her ""privates"" and to me at first it seemed like a silly game. I felt super uncomfortable, especially when she wanted to touch me. After a short while I began to enjoy it and became very sexually attracted. I eventually was willing for her do the same things to me. My parents became suspicious eventually and I was told to lie to them. After my aunt and cousin found a  place this continued on until I was around 8 years old. I have only told my gf of 3 years about this. And only this part.  Unfortunately this is not the worst of it. Because I had no idea what I was engaging in was wrong (at least that's what I tell myself), besides the fact I had to lie to my parents, i recreated the ""games"" my cousin and I would play with my friends and nephew (approximately the same age as I was) until I was around 9/10. I honestly feel like the worst person to ever live. And the constant guilt is eating at my soul. I understand that I was completely ignorant of how my actions could impact some of the people I care about the most, but it makes me want to die inside that I ever continued on a behavior that could fuck someone up as badly as I most likely did. I cant live with this. ",4.052203075291622,5.034385445121956,5.333324496288443,82.22546129374341,71.07317073170732,8.509225874867445,26.151113467656412,8.841846274778883,1.7864600742311767,1278,39,263,23,23,427,156,328,0.096,0.807,0.097,-0.7702,3,0,0,0,1,1,36.0,0,0,1,2,11,22,2,1,21,0,27,5,2,2,4,49,43,26,1,8,2,11,5,3,2,4,1,0,2,2,18,19,1,1,6,4,0,2,3,8,0,1,22,5,52,14,48,14,12,47,1,0,0,1,29,19,1,4,29,202,70,1,0.0,0.11845901917795143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26700809029760675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347846706920284,0.12189280105178042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193547134457406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482630308426892,0.10804201143820401,0.0,0.15965053306270932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376263884540213,0.0,0.0,0.1023329614149777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230369516424773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808738449085092,0.08423679937248603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050552494343205,0.07142517004236011,0.09599572371530313,0.0,0.0,0.08504226785864769,0.0,0.10962204705603378,0.07724369227731387,0.09242917176103503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286436243684307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465343805921803,0.10020543732627273,0.2648504314556587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673690130759641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382371901480548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147340985036405,0.0,0.0,0.1520773940800487,0.0,0.0,0.3330452542742862,0.108267745228091,0.0,0.06931299802683087,0.08729799277825714,0.1044569985305961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101732093877804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100051417209886,0.0,0.08471206308396369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873862392892379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664217468659883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829868335536765,0.0,0.0,0.19106884587125636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408188712411033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498664347966785,0.17691099133748478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268173248703793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130670940043861,0.10931157487233764,0.0,0.32191667746847097
suicidewatch,WantToEndItButCant,2019/03/18,"Is there a way to die without pain ? Hey,

​

I really really want to die but I'm not sure how to do it. I know this sub is supposed to be people trying to help people not to chose suicide, but I don't think there's anything anyone can say that would make it better. I just don't care about my life anymore and I want it to be over. Nobody will be sad if I die, because there is nobody in my life and I just massively fucked up a relationship I dearly cared about. There's no fixing it, no way to redeem myself. I know people in situations like I'm in tend to be overly dramatic about things like that, but there is 100% no way to salvage this.  I'm terrible and I deserve to die. 

  
I've tried to come up with reasons to live and all I could come up with was wanting to read books and watch movies. There's nothing more. I just want to fucking end it. World is fucked up too. Don't even have the energy to get into detail, but I'm sure you all know.

I'm an anxious wreck so I really need an option that won't hurt me or anyone. I considered jumping on front of a train but that would only make people who see the body traumatized for life.

I'm 21 and starting age 10 people kept telling me it will get better eventually, but it never does. Even if I give it my all. And I have. I have given my all since forever. But nothing works, nobody cares about me. Nothing means anything.

​

So if you want to help me, tell me how I can get out of this without receiving or dealing pain.

I just don't want to exist.  
",1.7407412398921878,3.430831820754719,3.5336253369272232,89.95655660377359,78.27672955974842,6.3038634321653175,21.734501347708893,7.1686216300943375,0.5790086253369271,1181,33,257,14,28,396,146,318,0.18,0.6679999999999999,0.153,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,2,0,3,21,18,3,0,7,0,26,9,1,5,7,62,63,23,5,13,20,0,0,2,0,5,5,1,0,0,17,13,0,1,6,2,0,5,13,8,0,0,3,3,31,10,41,50,5,25,0,2,2,3,13,13,3,6,6,169,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090106824097792,0.1916599760420556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909535602424631,0.07821319915199418,0.11028892167981208,0.0,0.1297988663377811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807556304792355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394999215630805,0.0,0.08760158427635935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122532933002744,0.0,0.0,0.1358709685658862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296753542180394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130667515222165,0.0,0.0,0.3273989763324542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901556722125249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985125920816639,0.0,0.0,0.10417959140985472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872913426170326,0.12361161361887647,0.07565479489953754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572351432656898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442694912706371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300269412173178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711470953876278,0.07705921697383009,0.0,0.06963951661267415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528641818883,0.0,0.0,0.08590744645264094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847763058814232,0.06082579158726317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270201856527993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998062464864906,0.16783650775355735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733763912164061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888665547492425,0.0,0.15156941767948653,0.08108667717570771,0.0,0.08467183207314269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271686263843572,0.0,0.0,0.06284544405411269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523820221703391,0.08864791658991245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582127474282396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626585250244903,0.0,0.1486592490957405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786352008388195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239460988106314,0.050533708385627416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708874188839797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27910083104261146,0.1877988446988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204669560673653,0.0,0.05741488743733465,0.0,0.0,0.11204731176748577,0.0,0.1916599760420556,0.0
suicidewatch,QuiescentJellybean,2019/03/18,"Back and different. Hi there!

​

So I think I'm here to vent. (I think.) 

I've been in and out of the strong current that is clinical depression for about 5-7 years. I'm in my teens and my entire life - as I remember it - has been the same. About 4 of those years consisted of very consistent suicidal ideation. 

But seven months ago, roughly, I was put on a treatment that I had been on a wait-list for for many of those years that finally broke me out of that cage. The process sucked, it took forever, and I nearly lost the plot several times throughout, but we got there. *Finally.* 

I could breathe. Breathe. For the first time that I can remember, I was going to be **okay**. I set myself up. The rest of my foreseeable future could be spent doing things that I loved, of plans and of surprises, making myself the person I wanted to be. Every single thing - on the up and up.

​

Five months ago a totally unrelated health complication emerges and it's been the biggest part of me ever since. We don't know what's causing it. I've had every test you could probably think of off of the top of your head. I'm losing myself. My memory is going. I'm unbearable to be around. I can't think at all, I can't move, I can't stand up for too long, I can't sleep, I can't eat. My head rings constantly, CONSTANTLY without break. A four month long migraine. I feel like my brain is going to explode.

​

I told myself, told myself for five months, that I was okay. If it meant I had lost everything else that made me in turn for my happiness, I told myself I could take it. If my sense of self was what I had to trade to feel *right,* then so be it.

​

I don't feel right.

​

The person I was going to be, FINALLY going to live to be, is fading away each and every day. I'm still cognizant enough to know who that person is, to know who that person was going to be, but not enough to ever come close to it again. I had a firm, determined grip on myself for the first time, ever, only for it to just.. waver away.

I'm no longer the suicidal that I was for those four years. I'm not angry about the potential that I have, the potential that was being dampened by my state of mind - I'm now mourning the gradual, muffled, disgusting loss of the only thing I had to my name. My self. Now I'm wondering if it would be better to end things now, formally and cleanly, instead of spending the rest of my numbered conscious days finding myself frustrated over and over again by my lack of capacity, comprehension, ability.

​

I just wish I had never thought, for a moment, that I could be better. To be handed a beautiful image of an exciting life, lived unknowingly and uncertainly, armed only with the same me that I've been all of these years and a shiny new sense of wellness, only for that 'you' to be taken from the equation, and an image that I will never, ever live up to in this state.

​

I really just want to be better. Really. There's so much I want to do, wanted to do, was *so close to doing.* I'm telling myself that we'll figure it out but my doctors don't know. I don't know. All I can do is wait for something dramatic to happen, but I can't do this. I can't keep waiting. So what do I do? Do I wait for myself to drop, for things to finally and fully break down? How long will that take? Why won't it happen now? Do I just do it myself?

I really don't know.

​

Thank you.

​",1.35840645840646,3.642867492063495,3.1315613665613675,89.29070112320116,82.5930735930736,6.4010686010686015,21.19747669747669,7.63319966405982,0.9005168051168049,2664,82,553,46,74,885,259,693,0.078,0.8270000000000001,0.095,0.9296,2,0,1,0,0,0,151.0,3,4,0,12,33,24,3,1,30,2,78,16,8,4,10,97,139,30,3,15,15,0,6,1,0,5,6,1,1,6,48,25,1,4,21,0,3,10,19,11,1,7,33,8,80,13,98,82,15,96,0,7,1,1,22,31,1,6,49,412,128,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157770134348085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937040016850703,0.4415262017217114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03594115435981601,0.0,0.0,0.07586484380009953,0.031044884595381062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107121775031264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507040363875395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041474913238106266,0.0,0.03477836920363021,0.0,0.08725925733824784,0.0,0.1611755784077035,0.0,0.0,0.0520753953080792,0.0,0.03477381023497167,0.0,0.0,0.04218192531881735,0.0,0.04132419461387881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131237628844328,0.0337270472473878,0.0,0.03575911628100405,0.08343365314384796,0.0,0.0,0.14608129901077574,0.10204975531205687,0.0,0.036285279902828566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124247023354064,0.02884298066182881,0.0,0.17690966766081193,0.03690083205084598,0.06868370032105815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767183100934002,0.0,0.03229053756962152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140466240253555,0.042978556355040935,0.0,0.0,0.08287013180302666,0.04291535709693258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035886001255292316,0.0,0.0,0.13312998400778292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703427920417683,0.019724551364767338,0.0,0.10695215521674048,0.1071883669273482,0.0,0.04516784516643326,0.08814532968715755,0.0,0.03643884220552247,0.03820257287665756,0.02694975948539971,0.04093259676308823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040765929610155086,0.0,0.1289036144856947,0.04291085561950449,0.029679316310366962,0.0,0.062277375638169485,0.03899317282191853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282407823322627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372078470463031,0.0,0.0,0.1410110366430451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352967916483271,0.0,0.0,0.040586721640876025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759328168004125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147106760473372,0.06895784154708512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423715239345872,0.04561079116231599,0.0,0.03339754337270179,0.0,0.040402859245022994,0.0,0.0,0.03108164815734778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03224249044258018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832455379285052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071199842958296,0.0,0.03528839495145218,0.03717068027672829,0.0,0.0,0.13411246758281326,0.10347935168279612,0.0,0.03205220947501938,0.07062669065954058,0.0,0.0,0.11573640685645252,0.04485666828583003,0.0,0.0439149940020211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03331253229444088,0.09525382156805164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630080664118805,0.0,0.03643098618335455,0.0,0.04642776461351671,0.0389188078352356,0.04378355741909855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02868031940932432,0.0,0.4415262017217114,0.12999670140703365
suicidewatch,genjiboy,2019/03/18,Suffering is only for the living At least the dead dont have to suffer anymore. All the pain that we feel from the hardships and struggles in this life will go away when we die. We will lose our conciousness and it will be like we never even existed in the first place. That is pretty liberating to me. ,4.91,5.746114666666667,5.403333333333336,83.04000000000002,69.0,8.666666666666668,26.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.8201666666666667,240,7,48,4,4,77,46,60,0.253,0.638,0.109,-0.9052,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,5,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,5,0,8,2,0,0,2,9,10,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,0,1,6,1,8,6,2,9,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618057556239066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480259799355399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739784886648069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30939267344260485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436198074856168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334805682710452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454856853876576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500308051582948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186462955447548,0.12897149551710782,0.0,0.23310677054180945,0.0,0.0,0.2953357180435308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360428291622532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007752262941811,0.2809024832771938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27581190018224777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685713120987908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275978203081933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hermia_5,2019/03/18,"I need medication or else I really need to find sth to stop feeling so bad.
I wanted to go see a doctor to get anxiety relievers medications but I can't let my parents know of it'll be worse for me.
So I tried to look by myself for any unprescribed anxiety medications but it's too confusing to choose between all those and having to wait at least a month to see results.

I used to wonder why would people take drugs,  drink alcohol or just jump off a cliff but now I think I finally understand
 
I don't think that they are any durable solution for me.",3.2116865079365087,4.816064017857143,5.172261904761908,80.14496031746036,74.0,9.620634920634922,27.62301587301588,9.994966539143718,2.8218718253968254,438,17,89,13,9,151,79,112,0.13,0.816,0.053,-0.8018,1,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,8,7,0,2,1,25,25,8,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,1,2,2,8,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,4,14,1,17,21,2,8,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,4,4,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744991827036745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310400572403074,0.0,0.23972905945270395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082644923462858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037498592885496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349284491131562,0.1817062710652438,0.0,0.1308912315959578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792252609213888,0.0,0.0,0.17164209567106942,0.1432083668227112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186208316649997,0.0,0.0890483898808088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611064902555572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022227616104856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157696269136773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735346484378273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506544623847787,0.0,0.0,0.2323616941048657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398150517477692,0.0,0.0,0.10862649658072708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037720495933508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497172628288269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099669618732945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780853788965248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079640662230627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637965848855932,0.0,0.0,0.16311588125832113,0.0,0.13532658670194594,0.0,0.0,0.09241759238373247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413849429159241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991952222209458,0.0,0.0,0.15967664465177706,0.11130539541503044,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PsychoticPangolin,2019/03/18,"Want to move away from materialism I struggle with buying things and collecting, basically hoarding (without the dirtiness), to make myself feel better, but at the same time, I could easily imagine saying, ""fuck it all"" and set it all on fire and barely regret it. Especially since I can't bring it with me anyway, if I finally decided to go through with killing myself.

I shouldn't care, but I imagine the embarrassment of people going through my belongings afterwards and talking shit about me. If I gave everything away and destroyed my more personal items (diaries, phones, computers), that would bring me some comfort and maybe even be cathartic. When did I ever care so much about my reputation? None of that matters in the end and I'll be forgotten eventually. It's not like I have friends or even that many family members who truly give a shit.

Everything I have will end up as trash one day and I don't want to care so much about material possessions. They don't actually make me happy and they're just a distraction. If I had more money, I'd travel and focus on experiences and making memories, so I really should be trying to save for that.  Make it count.",7.156858974358977,7.734505212962965,7.7159259259259265,69.33705128205129,64.0,11.46096866096866,34.67094017094017,11.20814326018867,4.1518423076923066,930,39,160,26,13,308,134,216,0.243,0.667,0.09,-0.9904,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,1,12,18,5,3,6,0,15,3,2,4,3,45,32,22,1,10,9,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,12,14,0,0,4,1,2,6,7,9,0,1,3,3,23,9,26,21,10,22,0,1,0,1,9,7,3,5,9,120,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.1259032863817868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424339504043609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410623504604335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946283814237795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301064425848357,0.0,0.0,0.08320615433330528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285439048900101,0.0,0.0,0.17043079037199615,0.11670447280132858,0.0,0.0,0.2319067253746629,0.12620469085392952,0.12162700635430755,0.0,0.0652355480594788,0.0,0.0,0.14133328247779567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996792475884154,0.11927537414037215,0.0,0.12376614570730375,0.14664818897732135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734241946485568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273967490092146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303184278497125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34448296877581003,0.1308043441008339,0.12961626136564133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712607476632008,0.1896866463570944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742616458075614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944507037037361,0.112653835925853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265245077196105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260056047896364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648709390127284,0.1067253021040881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348779793472411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370005263769147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571405063523126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523163019441835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875949822464744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219671653647152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436907341937982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165092531637477,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andybosa21,2019/03/18,It comes in waves... Some days I feel great and really look forward to what’s next for me. And then most days I feel like I get hit by a wave or something of just pure depression and suicidal thoughts. It started around 5 years ago and I haven’t gone a day where I didn’t think about killing myself. I usually deal with it but some days I just think “fuck it just do it. What do you have to lose?” Since I had the suicidal thoughts come I also have something that prevents me from doing it: death anxiety. I don’t know what happens when we die and it freaks me out. Why do we have such a limited time on here? What’s next? I would say I’m spiritual but what really happens? I’m sorry I’m getting off topic. I tried drowning myself twice and I just couldn’t do it. I drive along a cliff and consider just yanking the wheel and taking myself down. But then those thoughts come: what’s gonna happen when you die Andy? And then I curl up into a ball and let the thoughts take over my brain. I hate that I have these thoughts that prevent me to kill myself. Some days I call it a blessing and some days it’s a curse. Maybe it’s the only primal thing that’s keeping me alive. Maybe my brain just sends these thoughts to make sure I don’t kill myself. I don’t know what to do. I can’t take about with anyone. I just want to know if someone is out there who has these same thoughts and how you deal with it? I usually work out or play video games or read or watch a movie. But they only keep my mind off it for some time. I googled anything about people dealing with death anxiety and they weren’t as helpful. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate it. ,1.1299919948767254,3.276496221902022,2.1795413064361213,96.60426552993916,82.45821325648414,5.4693884085814926,20.301713096381683,6.691623216298621,0.09204008965738053,1307,37,298,14,36,412,163,347,0.203,0.708,0.08900000000000001,-0.9941,1,0,2,0,0,3,32.0,2,4,2,3,19,14,5,0,13,0,23,3,2,2,2,78,64,30,10,4,16,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,32,28,0,5,14,6,0,7,8,8,0,1,11,5,46,6,34,48,7,41,1,2,2,1,17,14,1,11,23,196,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849109148340607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178909109368596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821559814317828,0.0,0.0,0.05402574550405943,0.0,0.06358281876976582,0.06878256342613269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250741953853393,0.07889658490151501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967183260096047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989786425494119,0.23897162140950814,0.06654855278464362,0.0,0.16037851766270786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813538858620593,0.055198398106796775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143059255611575,0.0807359370521674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518534680762882,0.0,0.0,0.20497654324572184,0.0,0.0,0.07628355981051052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051789351022801015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735402779450714,0.2564480631376789,0.0,0.12738908546539846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900907906401171,0.0,0.03774795855794729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488345377040709,0.08644018897888955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157523663725239,0.0,0.1552469052557314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801600112685159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434520207135975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752759617507755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356608121186921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457256476684905,0.0,0.14849452984087566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144452603415744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391471521232568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546670004122543,0.11896531838508582,0.0,0.08649225957331218,0.05468882888751672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903155537302306,0.0,0.07282169991459053,0.0,0.2323757796371143,0.0,0.0,0.07113557478234682,0.0,0.0,0.05133168075460355,0.0990170627125824,0.0,0.4293805302869376,0.13516218152689768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245811662216585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019378538781718,0.0,0.04557311903503631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971998152165013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056250111971154516,0.0,0.0,0.05488710432348207,0.0,0.0,0.049756367145037325
suicidewatch,WejcikCZ,2019/03/18,"My best friend cut herself and refuses to seek help from anyone I really want to help her. I just don't know how. She had done this once 4 years ago. That time i was with her and we overcame it together. Now she pushes me and her family away. She wants to ""surfer alone"". If you have any advice i would be really gratefull.
She did it as far as i know becouse her boyfriend broke up with her. She failed some exams and has trouble with her family.
Sorry if this doesn't being in this sub. I don't know where to post this.",0.04603174603174765,2.3588060370370383,1.7315343915343924,96.38833333333334,90.48148148148148,5.307936507936508,15.121693121693122,6.868970318607317,-0.30470846560846576,404,8,91,6,14,131,72,108,0.106,0.768,0.126,0.4927,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,2,5,6,1,0,0,0,12,0,0,1,0,20,17,9,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,22,2,13,10,2,11,0,2,0,0,18,5,0,3,4,66,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349220924219152,0.1845944554766884,0.0,0.0,0.21567647859329195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161207458702402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456080324761682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565073016107504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853770813389006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131044283859347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39262508507303423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608876771595044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791611827024606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343333977541529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177151889355154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943879884345872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668110191029682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233110485073116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142790524343297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24565370212226836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792953237925982,0.0,0.0,0.13410137436430875
suicidewatch,OrangeAdventure,2019/03/18,"My wife left me a year ago to date. A year later and I still want to kill myself To make things short, I pushed my wife away by repeatedly lying to her and treating her badly, including cheating on her. She left me and I got help where I was diagnosed with BPD; I couldn’t figure out why I was acting like this when I was still diagnosed and it all clicked. Unfortunately, she’s already gone and has no interest in coming back; she got a new boyfriend within a month of us separating and moved him into her apartment a month after that. She’s still with him and seems happy, they’re coming up on a year anniversary. I on the other hand have spent the past year drinking and smoking to cope. 

I can get all the therapy I can afford, but it will never bring my wife back. It’s not like I haven’t tried to date, I have 5 or 6 dating apps on my phone and flirt with everyone but no one is interested in me. I’ve actually just been point blank called ugly by a girl on there and I proceeded to spent the next two nights crying myself to sleep.

I’m 25 years old now. I’ve had three suicide attempts in my life, once at 17, 19 and 20. I never thought I’d make it to 21, but I think 25 is a good run. I just can’t deal with how cripplingly, miserably lonely I am. They say time heals all, but it hasn’t for me.",2.8332481751824834,3.7778217773722673,4.3522700729927015,88.26015693430661,73.92700729927007,7.669781021897813,23.189051094890512,8.07648339933343,0.9607859854014597,1013,26,230,15,20,339,157,274,0.134,0.7859999999999999,0.08,-0.9493,1,2,1,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,1,1,13,13,2,1,12,0,18,7,2,3,5,41,34,18,2,2,8,3,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,9,19,1,0,4,1,2,8,9,5,0,3,11,3,40,8,32,21,3,58,0,2,1,0,21,20,0,2,32,150,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.1123217390933752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202987970023884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701655174629278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814095369250848,0.17701076067668484,0.096104327537608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496537898211706,0.0,0.11753074585198504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829822748785805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264327810650211,0.0,0.11866383036636935,0.0,0.23364969879686076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275492630378445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998370951530284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601353969290624,0.0,0.0,0.096541057272174,0.1841131861932636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252690020183635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714961376969799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734193827059465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501146268611978,0.0,0.08129907131366683,0.1124648355627412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366130326263336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837446583509105,0.12233389322416728,0.0,0.0,0.1775456049899468,0.11116503205542856,0.1224109649407094,0.10801426690694348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077888646730467,0.12257855380984513,0.07799525437482713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987670014228218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088074228454964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915327448245173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478340978452087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518388523078298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757588488604497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259015507471669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316277511488486,0.0,0.07646783105321323,0.0737519199798667,0.0,0.09137714722550064,0.06711617926034649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814586119652406,0.0,0.11243671854389678,0.0,0.13845204330503874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788941090004344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386053387804883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37060558126446536
suicidewatch,HeavyMagician,2019/03/18,"I've been thinking about st*bbing myself recently I think about it a lot. It'd be the easiest option, but I don't think I'd actually ever go through with it, since I'm really afraid of pain. But honest to God I really hope I don't have to exist on this earth much longer. I don't want to inconvenience people around me anymore. ",3.4480882352941187,4.591912338235296,5.505176470588236,79.81629411764708,72.67647058823529,8.969411764705884,25.364705882352943,9.3871,2.0834788235294126,261,8,53,6,5,91,48,68,0.08800000000000001,0.684,0.227,0.8682,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,12,14,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,10,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2513296959271359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554184104554156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292723230483583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296691059795624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463704634054218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25580327586818713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895809931129065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932741360619165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740492301273464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178551354650098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299836869572702,0.0,0.25429757884668663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304636675022032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950790765580914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190848304081025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im-like-extravagantt,2019/03/18,"I could use a friend. It took me a while to admit this, but I could use someone right now. I’m terrible with letting people in, or showing them that I’m struggling but I don’t foresee myself going any further in life if I keep going at it alone. You could say I am desperate for a friend, yet I have no clue on where to start. ",2.5932857142857126,3.337280328571431,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,74.28571428571428,6.742857142857144,25.42857142857143,6.742157984588678,0.8382285714285715,253,8,57,2,5,85,51,70,0.218,0.677,0.106,-0.8519,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,12,17,5,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,1,10,2,8,12,0,14,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,4,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254380098649945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612112340543454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5146762237733883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332020955094345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442347476786379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098914565580932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972237366149286,0.15177127399634951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489660005033172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350051249307384,0.0,0.17087576856569126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820613390163546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208833514180006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463209046769966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387319972467891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711628565277871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fulltimeguy,2019/03/18,"Why should I not kill myself? My life has gone down the drain. I want to die. I care so little. Tomorrow I am supposed to go into an out of state mental hospital for a while (several months) but I don’t want to. I don’t want to get better. There, I said it. I’m scared. I have no friends, except a discord server that banned me last night for no reason, except me telling people how I felt which was depressed and suicidal. I don’t deserve to get better either. I am a fat, gay, stupid excuse for a man. I have given up on college. All I do is lay in bed, wasting away. I can’t do this. And the time has come for me to say goodbye. Give me a good, compelling reason why I shouldn’t kill myself or mortally wound myself? ",0.1668056096610826,2.2848535496688767,2.40921698480717,93.61014024152708,86.35099337748345,4.877444487728867,18.81612777561356,6.2272716619740125,-0.08106264121542628,550,15,121,5,17,186,96,151,0.221,0.589,0.19,-0.8894,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,3,1,8,0,16,4,1,4,1,23,30,7,5,5,6,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,1,1,4,5,1,1,3,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,5,3,23,5,20,23,2,18,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,6,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048411704317202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833130591055305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330304519281374,0.0,0.0,0.1379714745238261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795338835007698,0.0,0.16623021090879833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537874284723308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374622890771993,0.0,0.16736346038970687,0.1536487701127289,0.0910277755958865,0.13434221972303387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35440669771981265,0.0,0.0,0.1305591724242566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313215341020764,0.0,0.16053148962192948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141275396967478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784542640505486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030782537553058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104106843203873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293609674606767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235746729428473,0.12737287600238426,0.16035718434377036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094546279663284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751989699704862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999483001988453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933958748322392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834156082511562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890553523452673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BandolierBandit,2019/03/18,Blink 182's Adam's song... Helps Give it a listen ,-2.40909090909091,-0.8680969090909088,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,109.0,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-2.9281272727272727,38,0,10,0,2,12,10,11,0.0,0.7290000000000001,0.271,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8197233377362558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5727596787227015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thewaytobe,2019/03/18,"I'm a failure I try to be happy and have a positive outlook about my life but I can't anymore. I just want to end it. I want to climb to the highest tower and jump off it and it will all be over. I can rest. I don't have to struggle and fight anymore. 

I'm a failure of a person. I'm barely focusing on uni because I just can't focus. I could be *so* much better. Everyone is also much smarter than I am and it fucking sucks. I sound so stupid compared to everyone there. It embarrassing. I still don't even know what to do with my life. I'll probably fail uni because I suck so much. 

I'm too much of a lazy failure to join the army. Im not smart enough either. And that's all I have interest in. 

I can't social with anyone, I can't be myself and I don't know why. I come off as weird and quiet when I'm not that, but I fucking hate it. I don't know how to be myself or be the person I want to be. The person I want to be is confident when talking to people, can keep a conversation going and is more feminine and nice but I'm not any of that. I literally feel like shit every single time I talk to someone because I look and sound so fucking stupid. It's like I'm a completely different person. 

This going to sound weird, but I'm sick of dealing with my big breasts. I fucking hate them. They're so gross and saggy and I can't hide them. No one will like my body once my bra is off. My boobs are too big to the point where I can't even where a fucking plain hoodie when I get cold without my body looking fat and mangled. I hate the way I look, and not just for my breasts. I'm not feminine and I want to be. That's how I feel like inside. Wearing cute skirts and make up and doing my hair and stuff. I don't have the motivation nor the energy. I just want to be feminine. 

I apologize if my problems don't meet the criteria of this sub, I just feel like ending myself. 

",0.16061893061893073,2.050494862407863,2.714592839592843,92.86010032760036,84.4054054054054,5.743512343512343,20.992687492687487,6.971451493551832,0.41490363870363867,1447,46,336,19,42,501,167,407,0.221,0.652,0.127,-0.9923,2,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,0,0,2,4,25,32,14,2,17,0,39,17,9,4,2,62,79,38,0,9,18,0,4,5,0,2,4,4,0,4,15,23,1,1,7,0,0,5,20,21,0,1,0,12,51,11,37,66,11,25,0,1,3,8,14,12,9,2,12,227,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789812734720073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773799647649965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684049718116052,0.05936722620988561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527105260415988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509116304301154,0.0,0.1886195998969838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313774043076643,0.08902079138418696,0.0,0.0,0.06778936383325766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753284922213872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870716987257735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040043708091266,0.08772908285458654,0.0,0.11215729151179854,0.0,0.0715357340970181,0.16225984669753185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287908545985559,0.1819674540122708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39246438036347503,0.04435911613550028,0.0,0.0965064096980759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903824581417102,0.0,0.2514769565387469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171146935922066,0.0,0.0,0.07546705337275464,0.0,0.0,0.13998393882276933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994117043462554,0.2074003397604813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138952812956732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667443756129339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496584149487553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042056063231456,0.05753351143440745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886211528988891,0.2965414662052589,0.0,0.0,0.08026223078067432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154145086997817,0.08124217504172329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715328684157661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654948291501538,0.07193933844504052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780487270762399,0.0,0.0,0.08876065654071215,0.09719538132252777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648610099252914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950851815101148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057644607158982675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30047337338155783,0.06739326927477872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661313834223431,0.0,0.0,0.08184494358151864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cvthvrticbvrebxne,2019/03/18,"Sinking I'm mostly in a good place. I mean. I've been a diagnosed schizoaffective since 2012, and I have comorbid anxiety. This past September I was diagnosed with a genetic disorder called usher's syndrome. But I mean. Life. I'd like to think where I am today is,,, miles ahead where I used to be. But I mean. I still want to die sometimes. Or self harm. Or just disappear. Today was really rough. And I feel empty and sad and useless and I hate myself so much. Like. I mean. I really
Hate myself. 
I'm selfish and mean and angry and hypocritical and bad. 
I'm not a good person 
And I'm tired so I just want to disappear now. That should be okay, right? ",-0.2958570437196393,1.896941000000001,2.315478834142958,89.06747224149899,100.8320610687023,6.351283830673144,18.168285912560727,7.520522993642371,1.0289206106870226,505,16,104,13,22,173,75,131,0.32,0.574,0.106,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,2,0,4,1,9,4,0,1,0,30,25,16,1,3,7,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,11,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,3,2,15,5,7,19,2,14,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,3,8,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603758660763886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482047089013262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819014960021025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25484046430313506,0.13029046946395587,0.0,0.1438794619268829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347668384150787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21059361930482345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788908053124506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867245790460618,0.1226647886137561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6837481078376061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228618167495924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984192329175712,0.0,0.10961649191754487,0.13116234830558365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084799292539215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072102845358412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096536773740527,0.0,0.0,0.10384780171347482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416205055707567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025622893468536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044082071450727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428950724643005,0.23799406126269865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842606082362198,0.0,0.0,0.14809322746078235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohmystairs,2019/03/18,"I just want to die I'm just so tired of living. I wish I was dead. I've tried to kill myself numerous times and was obviously unsuccessful. I've only been to one inpatient treatment program that was of any benefit to me. Most of them are utter shit. I had a recreation therapist tell me that I was a selfish person at one hospital. I was like,"" Aren't you just supposed to be asking me about my hobbies? How dare you insult me like that?"" I filed a complaint and didn't see him throughout my admission.

​

Anyway .I wish I would just die. There is absolutely no point to living, but mu body continues to live so there's nothing I can do except take care of it so that I don't end up in a nursing home. I hope I die before my mind goes. I have no family to take care of me, i'm 50 and I feel like I would be better off dead because I don't have much for retirement, have fibromyalgia, PTSD, some issues with my lower back (stenosis.) Mt life is only going to get worse. I've got maybe 20 years left and I won't be able to work, don't know how I'll be able to afford to live. i wish I would die. I pray for it every night. ",0.5937238493723846,2.63094338493724,2.9007430962343115,91.29310627615065,83.76987447698744,5.999732217573223,20.020251046025106,7.24861992348623,0.4646453891213387,875,25,195,13,25,299,133,239,0.199,0.667,0.134,-0.951,2,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,2,1,2,14,12,3,0,4,0,28,4,2,2,1,27,46,10,7,8,6,0,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,9,2,35,8,26,29,3,13,1,0,1,0,8,6,1,3,9,124,41,2,0.20166474562531075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092518338151917,0.12252236962056373,0.06856947120200155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426465721003864,0.0,0.0,0.07753387068200318,0.0,0.06146647857434667,0.0,0.08580092260839275,0.0,0.0,0.08917803969693161,0.0,0.1120020351635639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561064841575147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185923344036845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930755367815371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495562295924157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950557872364004,0.0,0.05098387736789162,0.07203466728462173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052680753091899284,0.0,0.057305361152375375,0.0,0.08064485975083614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114309130024723,0.10014929765566474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524280014351764,0.0,0.0,0.1115560809582848,0.0,0.05541483510347432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095546680924911,0.0,0.07122088688511083,0.14778481234914329,0.0,0.3561473301131249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129967128236987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181195246239284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412339593881533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462435131241624,0.0,0.09675138117787607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366532507603491,0.15337512640952233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804293865408447,0.0,0.0,0.09531918421110933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786764791850035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803503463203696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350298169205828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162679122297715,0.0,0.0881319382049957,0.0,0.0,0.11707415648994846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058796167459521785,0.11589197950689213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845856232900903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059473545961600524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478567575156453,0.0,0.0,0.07340716831537729,0.0,0.10275680224670312,0.21488527387200632,0.0,0.12252236962056373,0.06493274217214855
suicidewatch,oonahnahah,2019/03/18,"Always let down How am i supposed to live life knowing I’ll constantly be let down. 

I hate people because all they ever do is let you down

Almost anyone in my life, besides my grandma, has always let me down greatly at one point

People will always let you down. No one is genuine anymore. Everyone is selfish. Friends, boyfriends, parents. I’m so fucking sick of it. I genuinely feel like i can not can’t on anyone.",2.646944444444447,5.014171765432104,3.9464043209876567,84.80256944444447,78.25925925925925,5.531481481481482,29.878086419753085,6.6274283507984215,1.7550604938271608,327,16,58,3,8,107,58,81,0.149,0.7859999999999999,0.065,-0.8059,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,2,7,20,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,1,10,3,10,13,1,11,0,0,0,1,5,9,1,1,3,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729490718794604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422571369737596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597533428327638,0.1917396699757955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358040365532675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816617306058075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402298443959955,0.0,0.13101357197537106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932645482802252,0.097950731983833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593011112482656,0.12675510643213656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511632105330334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536680008929378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535154760557199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7010164599990041,0.1936883521754996,0.06698455568389132,0.0,0.12106980219965482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581727999185224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224337312537947,0.0,0.0,0.1901083018408091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961236884303884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TorrentThrowaway666,2019/03/18,"No more hope. I don't really know how to articulate this, or what I want exactly, sorry. 

​

I'm in a lot of pain right now, nothing bad is really happening in my life, it just really hurts to live. I've just been googling nonsensical shit like ""should I kill myself"". Everyone says the same things and I don't find it very convincing. People say it will get better, but I don't know if I even care. The way I see it, I'm not really deciding if I should die, I'm deciding when I should die. In any case, it's a bit of a vacuos truth, saying it will get better. It could certainly get worse instead. It can only get better if I let it, and why would I let it if I want to die? That's just such a fucking stupid statement.

​

When I try to answer the question, ""what's stopping me from killing myself right now"", I really don't know the answer. I think I'm just scared of the void. Not existing is kind of a scary idea. I don't really care about the consequences. I'm not under any false assumptions that nobody will care or anything like that, I just no longer care if I hurt people by killing myself. If someone I loved killed themselves I'd feel terrible of course, but I'm not going to blame them for how it made me feel. So ""you'll hurt your family"" is another ridiculous idea in my opinion. 

​

Sorry for rambling, I just need someone to tell me I'm wrong. I really want to be wrong but I fear I'm right.",2.3127551020408137,3.982705744897963,4.0474204081632665,86.99043673469393,76.58503401360544,7.833251700680273,22.984489795918368,8.608573733854374,1.4137209795918362,1115,33,238,23,25,375,141,294,0.277,0.5670000000000001,0.156,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,4,53.0,0,2,1,3,17,33,8,2,11,0,22,5,1,3,3,58,55,18,7,16,21,0,2,2,0,8,2,3,0,0,18,2,0,1,15,0,0,1,11,18,0,0,2,6,33,15,22,41,4,15,0,3,1,2,9,8,2,12,7,143,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947805474188224,0.2573521565821373,0.09601784743026022,0.07402794700590577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809597264170022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894621267101189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731404646226268,0.07707451102513764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879166416707647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563665973115763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980810590170605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046629179923805886,0.0,0.0,0.06745922163493448,0.0,0.0,0.06655332115177191,0.07944215039323115,0.07139273604855244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452510861821513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526652688908181,0.1475377430865047,0.0,0.040122355675277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062429399844182665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011954309973327,0.0,0.0,0.2267292095114592,0.1593926420729577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124240153410336,0.07351674300080195,0.1163961108872408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438206372603887,0.049865312732518034,0.06898103638982839,0.0,0.06233914927088272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001972347533616,0.0637172692473051,0.06680134369233269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052347372864708884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774049145892408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369280683163747,0.07512103485830693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788724843660493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908569111086647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165873012551351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087040191013773,0.0,0.16842660828179867,0.0706807119388454,0.0,0.05625730488156816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246762539124679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963457072607653,0.0,0.0,0.15805691043943898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059022920501417775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061705587398881566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690204018117521,0.04523621850771943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793127085403186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825057716001605,0.12492123161023087,0.056037246197882334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637035321401582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194518776059453,0.05015065033064285,0.15437521952784428,0.2573521565821373,0.0
suicidewatch,Affectionate_Coast,2019/03/18,"Watching my Friend decide she wants to die i have for the past few days become more and more aware of a friend who is planning on killing herself, i try my all, but i feel there is nothing i can do, or at least i feel i am running out of time, her family either can't help or fail to provide the support. i have substantial reason to believe she will do it on the 18nth (today) but also have been told she will talk again throughout the week. should i believe that she will stay and that gives time for life to get a little bit better, or do i act rashly now and risk pushing her away from me, someone who despite annoying her (her words) is in essence one of the few people that cares about her. ",8.41410798122066,5.433248204225353,7.84985915492958,80.93586854460095,63.43661971830986,10.31173708920188,35.63849765258215,7.1686216300943375,2.3723483568075117,543,17,116,3,6,171,92,142,0.07,0.772,0.158,0.9259,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,2,1,7,0,17,2,1,1,1,18,25,9,2,2,6,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,4,0,1,2,3,22,5,17,19,8,19,0,1,1,0,18,7,0,3,8,89,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387157225198468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629711722266039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157269775623095,0.0,0.3908595421595224,0.0,0.1534110783807413,0.1893731528737784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685380508038465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186720742329298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800238647345784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352244202524496,0.0,0.17541295219362935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680291897905357,0.0,0.09062557518873016,0.1663984257505638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626643342381066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919075451523813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251977165465308,0.0,0.17385226798030248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643933609402747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754083535938238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558698634649902,0.12025517006869395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834554239819125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697190776668753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848850447531743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968401015083267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394203997429983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229158401045771,0.0,0.16441958828094386,0.16574825219782485,0.0,0.11776780367655725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231107178519476,0.0,0.13913897170382633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Laxrules56,2019/03/18,"I have a faint voice in my head. Two months ago I've had this very faint voice in my head telling me that nobody loves me or ever has before, they just pity me. I agree and pushed everyone out of my life, I wanna be alone. Recently hes been telling me to hurt myself and I sometimes I do hurt myself. I've been drinking every other night to keep him quiet, I hope it stays quiet in my head. I wanna be alone I hurt everyone around me. ",0.9340458937198052,2.8429380326086964,2.6336231884057995,94.38770531400968,81.71739130434783,5.393236714975847,17.830917874396135,6.42735559955562,-0.24932270531400924,337,7,76,3,9,111,57,92,0.17,0.736,0.094,-0.743,0,2,1,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,9,8,3,0,1,11,12,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,3,4,22,2,10,7,0,12,0,4,0,1,6,5,0,2,5,51,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226853700472854,0.0,0.0,0.3090798390038206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283142141213675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269694798116011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617217217244888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497192101199978,0.12571859283422546,0.2851592963685147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.459407506356322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482024183454774,0.0,0.0,0.4792075885515074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326275864101824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539372636814584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467077758035834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910058707268928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400265206760431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733007635093254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475757128081206,0.0,0.0,0.1590414637010827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260837902635371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575965698584326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311655244038587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarGrump,2019/03/18,"I’ve lost all motivation to recover I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Very few days go by where I don’t wish I wasn’t around. I don’t want to hurt people or make them feel like anything I do is their fault but at this point I can’t stop thinking that being alive feels inhumane. When an animal is suffering so much that their quality of life is gone, you’re supposed to put them down so they don’t hurt anymore. I just wish I had that option for myself.

My fiancé left me a few years back, I struggle with PTSD from multiple sexual assaults, I have an eating disorder, and my depression is so deeply ingrained inside me that I can’t tell my personality from my mental illness anymore. I recently had someone very important to me leave my life and I just can’t find the motivation to keep fighting anymore. Fighting to stay alive, something I don’t even want, is exhausting. 

I’ve been out of work for a few months due to things getting so bad. I’m supposed to go back tomorrow. I don’t know if I can do it. Everything hurts so badly. I feel like I’m gasping for air but can’t get any oxygen. I just want it all to stop. I don’t even want to get better anymore. I just want to go away. ",4.0229903913756715,4.7542268884462136,5.3530958518865726,82.98109444574645,70.95219123505977,8.933770799156319,29.505741738926645,9.168548406835145,2.338678743848136,963,37,202,19,17,323,132,251,0.249,0.625,0.126,-0.991,0,0,1,0,4,0,22.0,0,0,5,5,16,18,3,2,5,0,25,5,0,3,2,37,49,14,1,8,8,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,6,1,3,9,0,0,5,11,15,0,0,6,3,34,3,29,42,6,27,0,6,0,0,9,9,0,3,14,128,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826868164804356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982398458607275,0.0,0.0,0.0826124635670544,0.08936843513757489,0.0,0.0,0.09431976369617848,0.15438751507757711,0.1676430094985426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878684778144684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474328205018554,0.0,0.08646580945505034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505570332600093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272409126738268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261337240619792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022411052746396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228068842580866,0.1434373543289927,0.0,0.0,0.09175469387109177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734898485136972,0.0,0.17116194956700267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224088987350553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923129578487304,0.0,0.0,0.055171750196426894,0.0,0.0,0.10629857575343013,0.10907409125309156,0.0,0.14181693305253387,0.09809102243142297,0.0,0.0,0.08884204183083018,0.0,0.0,0.10958760673021437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701114294862387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116956600543717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013038615033745,0.0,0.0737982433189766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959782561023634,0.08765672601772187,0.0,0.0,0.0949010533082468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173506050330588,0.10091973574629516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991230706726386,0.0,0.11372236531915635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506016997445133,0.07728517090771256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070024440140224,0.0,0.1678611665430523,0.0,0.20989897031552046,0.0,0.109810428981614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877453351596836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669469344432105,0.06432589529791055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656646223334797,0.2960632847650045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308872235380757,0.0,0.0,0.07308515752795477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464790563756755
suicidewatch,heeeeellp,2019/03/18,"I wish I had someone to talk to really. I don’t know know what to do right now, I just want to not be alive, yet I have nobody right now who would understand what I’m feeling. It’s so fucking shitty. Please someone talk to me.",0.29142857142857537,2.1795536530612267,2.440163265306122,95.02269387755103,83.89795918367345,5.5526530612244915,20.004081632653055,6.742157984588678,0.1407028571428568,175,5,41,2,5,59,33,49,0.128,0.7040000000000001,0.168,-0.0034,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,14,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,5,11,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815976132860654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343247498782871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785959957371933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27822898029927284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237647539192854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329162661487586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295209535176556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4074518998044778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638665012629574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495005058325528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914727904932042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005460310355795,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cluelessbasket,2019/03/18,"Im too afraid to kms, so I bought a motorcycle. Every time people that hear I have a bike, they say it’s not a matter of if, but when I’ll get in an accident. I hope it’s sooner than later and I hope it’s fatal because I’m sick and tired of each and every second that I’m alive, but I’m too afraid to kill myself.

Just before winter I took a riding class, got my motorcycle endorsement, bought high quality gear, and a small 600cc sportbike.

For about 2 months before the snow came, I got hundreds of hours of riding experience. I don’t ride recklessly, I follow all the traffic laws, I’m attentive to my surroundings. Now riding season is coming back and as much as I don’t want to be here, I’ll continue to ride as safe as I possibly can while commuting 30 minutes to work and 30 minutes home 5 days a week wishing for it all to just end.",3.5390719696969697,4.197914460227274,5.416363636363638,82.35287878787881,72.01136363636363,8.593939393939394,25.46212121212121,8.841846274778883,1.7141984848484846,659,19,139,12,12,228,107,176,0.138,0.741,0.121,-0.7259,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,1,10,7,1,2,9,0,6,2,0,0,2,25,24,16,2,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,6,9,0,1,1,1,2,9,3,4,0,1,6,2,14,3,20,17,4,27,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,14,80,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323834869096309,0.0,0.10494957481359037,0.0,0.2929977625275177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969097479514528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483040392713232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103153551594536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248620066671442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901111862724232,0.0,0.0,0.1684094250852555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994858280627198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753905523159162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404133750699196,0.0,0.0,0.18190071565527832,0.17269452673222255,0.3419953916549362,0.16954685758935326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859666606238096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904739548448566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374196601411268,0.0,0.1265603474926376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935683829073634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408903889152132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691172084630368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003902113585666,0.19787718860194906,0.0,0.0,0.19128053578625148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154678624995304,0.0,0.13809957389862187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979801003953924,0.0,0.0,0.12533744053110324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rpgZenMaster,2019/03/18,"I hope you monitor my activity for a tiny bit longer, Maddie Your admissions in the final few minutes of our ""relationship"" made me realize I'd fallen in love with a half-truth. Yes, your acting skills truly are superior! I didn't give you enough credit. My love for your character died as quickly as it was strong, when the character evaporated before my eyes. All that time I spent worrying you thought I might be a catfish, and it was you. Congratulations. Well played.  
   
  
I won't be spiteful. I intend to just eliminate the past four months from my soul. I have deleted all your contact info. Do not contact me again.",3.452435897435897,6.141406145299151,4.853525641025644,77.6310576923077,77.2905982905983,8.344444444444445,27.698717948717945,9.075114841892004,2.7736615384615377,497,21,88,13,12,165,85,117,0.063,0.657,0.279,0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,8,0,2,5,9,1,0,6,1,10,3,1,2,2,13,17,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,2,2,3,1,1,1,6,1,22,8,10,7,5,11,1,0,1,2,15,2,0,2,7,63,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771557396188915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454341449637247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495997722906353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23727711643783214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362311999500347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25044799969517445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931835926364726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270766529431325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41268678019693106,0.21633092383650235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425354675923047,0.0,0.0,0.1824866488546994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824885660496146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454581670704157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181503065490355,0.13331333544141874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055617317203461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321802369748805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaypizza23,2019/03/18,"Nothing Everyday I'm just living life doing fucking nothing. 


I'll wake up, go to school, learn nothing because my mind is always daydreaming of a better life. Go home, do nothing because I have no motivation to do anything. Go to bed and the cycle repeats itself the next day. Nothing was accomplished that day.


People who claim to be ""friends"" are all too busy for me. They all say they care, but their actions prove otherwise. Family means nothing to me when they've never supported me from the start. I hate people. I hate everyone. Nobody legitinately cares because they're busy living their own lives. In fact, that just made me realize how much more lonelier I am after all. 


I used to have so many ""goals"" in life but I've never even been able to reach any of them. What's the point of trying if I'm always going to fail. I'm a disappointment to everyone in my life and myself. I'm just taking up unnecessary space in the world and wasting resources. I contribute nothing to society and bring nothing good to people's lives around me.


And it's okay because I deserve all this. I deserve not to be loved by anyone. I deserve to just fucking rot because I'm worth nothing. Everytime I try to better myself from feeling depressed, I always end up falling down here. Maybe it's a sign that I can't escape reality after all. I feel like the older I get, the more I look back and see how my life was a waste.


I cry myself to sleep every night. I have no reason to live. I'm so tired of the same shit happening everyday. 


Just let me sleep forever so I can continue dreaming of a better life, please.",2.9570309573647653,5.165141182108627,4.490875840035255,82.08894568690096,76.47603833865814,7.128742976754434,26.767544342844552,8.104835398774808,1.9273385259446951,1262,50,233,22,29,421,165,313,0.18600000000000005,0.7120000000000001,0.102,-0.9889,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,5,7,16,19,5,0,13,1,17,14,4,6,9,39,47,15,0,1,9,0,2,1,1,0,7,1,2,0,9,7,0,0,8,1,1,7,6,8,0,0,4,5,35,11,36,40,10,36,0,3,2,3,9,12,3,1,18,149,44,6,0.0699803810371898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468784910314994,0.0,0.0,0.04758905883480732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893190954610762,0.0,0.057587890878710066,0.06229737582545794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381059338647031,0.0,0.2132969537292875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567588039615127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269932483064648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687016254381411,0.09026311287301976,0.0,0.06027399964407475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061981846321403584,0.0,0.0,0.046221381674371516,0.0,0.058961489252917575,0.13373850604876045,0.0,0.0,0.06597127514744404,0.0,0.07076836665517036,0.04999399819570969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406666879549203,0.12939146924009026,0.03656186075821993,0.0,0.15908585296779532,0.05869622341730496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188341983742944,0.0,0.0,0.13818227638237854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019602803180511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155968092640193,0.2965752761538369,0.034188879329187766,0.0,0.3089697927792666,0.0,0.05876589506190265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631600261025565,0.06621712859221489,0.0,0.07094912251658364,0.07030469875437254,0.07622915040118965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066023568339824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051443632108176936,0.0,0.10794636801905223,0.0,0.0744249291431648,0.06567184700238153,0.0,0.6043325668784758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554675457842747,0.0,0.0,0.07681744366481642,0.06615407973827145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195148692223427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055651207807598586,0.0,0.07082388168387106,0.05576530329616418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183385548957777,0.0,0.0,0.14006184006289998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953247388516743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941290709596828,0.0,0.0,0.05261653737408927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043215347232814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502417018279227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044058040666238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,universemessages,2019/03/18,"I literally want to fucking die I'm in so much pain all the time. Doctors can't figure out what's wrong with me. My surgery incisions from 7 months ago won't heal. They won't do anything about it. I was told I should go to ER immediately but I don't want to waste 16 hours for no help. Fuck this

I'll just die in my sleep or try to do it myself tomorrow. I'm so angry I can't stop throwing shit. Can't stop thinking about cutting even though I quit over 3 years ago. Can't stop thinking about cocaine even though I quit over 2 years ago.",0.4734615384615388,2.4225260256410266,2.2313034188034173,96.43105769230768,83.61538461538461,5.267521367521368,20.86111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.007080341880341567,423,13,102,4,12,139,74,117,0.21600000000000005,0.62,0.16399999999999998,-0.8648,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,10,6,4,0,1,0,11,7,2,0,1,15,21,6,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,8,6,1,0,2,0,12,0,15,16,2,19,0,0,0,2,3,5,3,1,12,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893327981370653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047735556515125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038868057647314,0.0,0.0,0.14984987426532215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339585977976892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27069479032611626,0.0,0.0,0.0832043098858831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813097592064192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417765692466594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168576339086082,0.0,0.1076231940862928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578332224272232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114356391554499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028077634690776,0.0,0.0,0.1465089261725826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671988809068776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876185123946276,0.2876807925683314,0.0,0.08536888066015692,0.0,0.0,0.1398945273054386,0.0,0.09939815961056554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727047958058703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006891155958164,0.0,0.1885577158153081
suicidewatch,OverenthusiasticHonk,2019/03/18,"I want to tonight so bad. I’ve tried at least four times in the last couple months. Been in the hospital for 5 weeks. Broke my spine last year, hurt someone I really loved bad. He was awful to me a lot of the time but I fucking loved him and now everyone hates me. I can’t do this anymore. My whole entire life has been fucked from the moment I was born. I’m all alone and no one will really know I’m gone for another week or so. It’s the perfect time. My neck is still sore from the last attempt. Fucked all the muscles up but the pain in my neck I feel right now is almost like drawing me in to want to do it again. I have 9 pills of trazadone so I would be out before I even know what’s happened. I just want it done. ",-0.6184210526315788,1.441481579617836,1.2364532349983255,100.915410660409,89.89171974522293,4.579148508213208,16.543412671806905,6.05967700443912,-0.6774764331210186,556,13,138,5,19,181,99,157,0.21600000000000005,0.6679999999999999,0.116,-0.9568,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,4,0,9,1,15,12,3,0,3,19,31,8,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,9,0,2,6,1,18,4,17,22,5,26,0,2,0,5,4,8,3,3,18,86,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967660629826106,0.14446700756921765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626483099595022,0.0,0.0,0.13833414233610486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329325121899996,0.0,0.0,0.11869360913427587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434029214830222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274416602804346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213019402646846,0.0,0.0,0.13328630673446726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052908323694934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868619046410657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334835675855647,0.0,0.0,0.13771505170286247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932427933103584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331739049082796,0.3411028474971562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985241632974111,0.06814655841177675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858730473564748,0.2517858726309685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133761082304547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452035618956438,0.0,0.1484245600774879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787185592406924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912158330081014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818732638314733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139491680460643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24400889082110894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470287255604687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468200668568955,0.0,0.22377695589936272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573283909618502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908793491684,0.0,0.0,0.08982539214145734
suicidewatch,iHydr0o,2019/03/18,"people say suicide isnt the answer, but then what is? --this is just a really long vent, i dont expect anyone to actually read this in its entirety, just some answers to the title would be nice-- 


ive had suicide stuck in the back of my head as if it was a lion stuck in my bedroom with its only intention being my death. everytime someone asks me ""how are you"" the lion roars and i get too scared to tell anyone that im not ok and that im fighting an un-winnable fight against an immortal enemy, so i say ok and no one thinks anything of it, except me and the lion. the lion roars louder and louder everytime i say im ok and it comes closer to me, in my room, alone with this beast thats slowly cornering me while im too afraid to call for help, no matter how easy it would be. calling for the help would be the easiest but most hardest thing i could do, the lion hasnt cornerd me yet, theres a xhance i could just run for the door but then i might get caught by the lion and it would completely devour me, so instead i guess ill just sit in the corner and wait for the lion to get me while i sit there with all the help i could need on the other side of the door. the door, so close yet so far, the more i think of getting to the door, the faster the lion walks. the faster the lion walks, the more i overthink getting to the door and the faster it walks the less time ill have to get to the door. the lion inches forward and forward, comes closer and closer, everday and every moment, slowly walking towards me and getting louder and closer. as it gets closer and i begin overthinking, i start accepting that the lion will kill me and that no one, not even myself, will be able to stop the lion from getting any closer which causes me to overthink evdn more. then the cycle repeats and repeats until right before the lion attacks, someone from the otherside opens my door and attacks the lion, giving me a chance, but the lion pushes back and pushes the help out of my room locking me back in. then just as clockwork, the lion starts walking towards me again. im stuck in this infinite loop of this lion getting so close just to be stopped at the last second, only to start back up again and no more i say, i will fight back and i will win. im fighting the lion as i type this, sometimes ill get a lucky hit on the lion but for every hit that goes in my favor, two go in favor of the lion. the lion is winning, i cant fight it for much longer and i shouldnt even be fighting it now, i am only 16, i shouldnt be fighting lions and instead i should be happy with a happy family and happy friends, but i am stuck fighting this lion. not only am i stuck fighting this lion, but im stuck fighting the people and even entire groups of people trying to assist the lion. these people and groups, being old friends, teachers, and organizations that are supposed to benefit me like schools and the government, are persistent that its my fault the lion is here and help the lion while saying i should have been able to leave the room by now. these people nock and hold me down while the lion comes closer, and then say im at fault for not getting out, if only i could and didnt have to fight these people and this lion. that is the dream, or it wouldve been if i could still dream, inatead im forced to relive my past experiences and make up new ones with bigger and stronger lions. i cant dream and couldnt have ever since i started this 10 year war against the lion. i cant remember the times before the lion because i wasnt old enough to remember anything, until the lion came and has never let me forget that moment it came. tge first time it came was the hardest fight ever, i was seconds from slitting my throat with the little pocket knife i had, until someone messaged me and then i pushed the lion back the hardest ever. but one day the ones that were helping me with that push, decided the lion was easy enough to hold on my own and left me, the lion was ruthless on this second attack but i held my own for just long enough to get someone else to help my and to no suprise they also ended up leaving. this is also a repeating cycle and one that the lion is getting tired of, for everytime it gets pushed, it attacks back twice as hard. the lion is getting back up to the strength of its first attack and is getting more resilient to my pushes. i fear my last push is coming soon and then ill be standing there with a bigger blade to my throat and on that day, i will no longer be able to push back and the lion will no longer have to attack, it would just sit back and enjoy as i cave in to its needs and the door will open but it will open too late to save me. and then everything will end, just as painfully as it all started, but atleast ill be free from the lion and will be at peace during a time i can actually remember it.",7.613140830800402,5.416468530901729,7.776765957446809,78.3726666666667,64.29888551165146,9.948611955420466,32.36899696048632,7.715138304826218,2.166549179331307,3788,103,769,29,45,1239,306,987,0.17,0.713,0.117,-0.9955,0,1,0,0,19,3,86.0,0,1,1,6,59,47,20,3,79,3,84,10,3,5,6,152,134,96,5,21,29,0,1,1,2,20,7,6,12,0,56,71,0,6,9,4,1,25,23,26,0,14,23,7,80,22,105,68,16,155,0,0,0,0,37,54,0,9,77,572,136,4,0.12244184415043688,0.0,0.07965705162831105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04227094133724208,0.0,0.06527779902005634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027754884244013345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707612289644254,0.0,0.0671728033430414,0.0,0.03815553194888646,0.27859054799932786,0.0,0.3138340675589872,0.0,0.024879803909998947,0.0,0.06945932740271665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335120846430755,0.1400408508286322,0.0,0.04192716736691481,0.0,0.14063040932505047,0.0427926480127209,0.0,0.0,0.1629330822843124,0.0,0.0,0.05264324007733063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783364314834674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03409481646447052,0.0,0.07229808750168136,0.1265151557754635,0.0,0.08087168328482884,0.11075565796194016,0.068775023046786,0.0,0.03668094480890847,0.039923872775654484,0.03847575787332078,0.04592703850940005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943264672327769,0.0,0.0,0.06306551004033385,0.0,0.3625012564844943,0.03915245797694263,0.02319550723469967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496116518242487,0.0,0.0,0.13034161989498055,0.036561280776541284,0.0,0.04188688552374695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149710339837903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967746084252553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045154586427999126,0.0,0.0,0.06653763005190028,0.04603991113101025,0.08643215583245371,0.0443444739764835,0.04173502711085622,0.0,0.019939633425154053,0.0409062981551188,0.0,0.072238119368668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02724362724897277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04329714910647616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030002947929908142,0.0605260506550501,0.031478232836358526,0.039418365354638656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856547456671587,0.0,0.16593952483233845,0.15520423319536067,0.04342891832265167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038961531608347616,0.16977151573594176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082499288412455,0.0,0.026146460221791956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387027408114173,0.034854888631200925,0.0,0.19474133784839973,0.04086188204900043,0.041305894379440655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03376171958678219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832610294648354,0.0,0.0403660382315434,0.0,0.14444161249065415,0.0,0.032594071634372265,0.06824457619507844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928766959007148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03567318954340705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027114973536187158,0.05230385983108242,0.0,0.0,0.09519576530046313,0.046909629309340006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027709991628136626,0.0,0.03986929674639144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496528842723394,0.0,0.0,0.026282844406443958
suicidewatch,Ratherbeasquid167,2019/03/18,I’m new to reddit... I have no idea what an OP is or why no activism is allowed which kinda seems counterintuitive but ok. What I do know is that I’m sad as fuck and have no one I can talk to so I’m hoping someone will care on here I guess. ,-1.0895757575757583,0.6422669818181852,1.9304545454545448,97.54901515151516,88.27272727272728,4.393939393939394,16.439393939393938,5.46131890053228,-0.9010606060606065,184,4,48,1,6,65,40,55,0.225,0.605,0.17,-0.3984,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,8,1,0,1,0,10,17,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,4,3,4,16,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,5,1,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32130035911532184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913365258219615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34715589265415353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129994049417845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557481974032171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318953620593364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30435861161815003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354311599074102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868863754452097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670122179380703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329296412404706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843596345771855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMeanEugene16,2019/03/18,I feel lost. I've been slowly losing my will to live. My job has stripped my family away from me. I can't be with my wife. I think about all the ways in life I've been a failure and I just can't seem to find a reason to keep going.,-1.4916666666666671,0.18456538888889185,1.2496296296296308,102.13333333333335,89.55555555555556,4.340740740740742,12.703703703703706,5.46131890053228,-1.4381629629629629,177,2,48,1,6,61,39,54,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.802,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,1,10,13,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,1,9,0,8,8,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757543507165158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766871233248057,0.0,0.14840319327201013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682550829444107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668036843344147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29125498239922404,0.2608776471494487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730881186512945,0.0,0.0,0.25916722988086344,0.0,0.0,0.3283531394318268,0.3203915929837249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017684574227407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671927715114541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880639305805702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329678546646529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Messischronicpain,2019/03/18,"I'm incredibly sad yet numb all the time Life is insanely bleak to me, I fear that ill never feel the love i give, though i've never attempted suicide nor have a plan i do have a date planned to end it should life continue the way it is. I have nothing to look forward to, maybe i have a long life ahead of me but theres nothing to that life but the same cycle. i suck at everything i do, i have no motivation left, the world will always be the same weather i leave or not, only the pain stays around and its the only thing I'm afraid of, hurting my best friend thoughI've not talked to her in a while, the pain my mom and grandma will feel after not only losing my grandpa to cancer but me to depression and suicide, and though a part of me believes they wont be affected, the other knows i'll incredibly hurt the bros that always look over me, because although they may not show it i know they care. if not for all the people around me I would have ended my life plenty of months ago maybe even years. I don't know what to do, i feel like no matter what I do I'll never be fulfilled. I'll never find the pain worth enduring, ill never find the fight i used to have in my heart. the flames that kept me going. Death seems closer than ever and in a sense its on my tounge, yet i hate the taste   ",2.916254612546126,3.9511655977859803,4.0199612546125465,90.37547693726938,73.8339483394834,6.896014760147603,22.775092250922512,7.1686216300943375,0.5740655350553507,1011,25,226,10,20,329,140,271,0.183,0.66,0.156,-0.8588,0,0,0,0,1,2,21.0,0,0,3,7,9,19,3,2,22,0,23,15,1,3,8,44,42,15,3,3,10,3,3,1,1,6,12,0,0,0,13,7,1,1,10,1,1,2,15,14,0,0,1,6,33,5,26,32,6,35,0,5,2,1,12,12,1,4,22,155,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373970171653901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720898544726458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819213184823495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758648560892168,0.0,0.0,0.10643247568342508,0.09913776903910894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631586940280952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136468318954401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734025680141748,0.0,0.0,0.06239486509483594,0.08545122416564616,0.0,0.0,0.08490125999389148,0.0,0.0,0.10630215381717892,0.14329675565106134,0.06748757090276213,0.0,0.0,0.17268309046146155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298532374882262,0.0,0.0,0.09062179372470837,0.053688033410337586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326705716108473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119443926262748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022587353189952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557505332120408,0.0,0.0,0.10002739804539486,0.10263916957382796,0.0,0.3336257967587389,0.04615202826511571,0.0,0.0,0.08360072765218877,0.1586577450408749,0.105684921712296,0.0,0.0,0.08526056914132511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898105177909224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106391451247056,0.0754030237393125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642956368914009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812881475910149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155402761295012,0.30156010743235656,0.0,0.0,0.10229905127603584,0.0,0.06549184084608435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859996258544752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068974098061063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066641328244706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592936441277341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275998150855201,0.0,0.18562759578325,0.0,0.05508473447315082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158955280253555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498387109780412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710697179130977,0.0,0.0,0.060833945743637374
suicidewatch,ThinkTide,2019/03/18,"Went 6 years without a suicidal thought and now I'm back to thinking about it daily. I just... I'm so tired of being in so much pain. Of always feeling like my existence is wrong and I'm worth nothing and I'm stupid and I'm ugly and everyone has a family and friends that love and support them and I have absolutely no one... 

I became extremely independent and now I have a good job, my own apartment, pets, I pay all of my own bills, I'm almost out of debt.... But I still want to kill myself and it's getting scary because I've had bouts of depression in the past few years. But they never last long, I can pull myself out. But this time it's not working, and I'm so scared I'm gonna fall back into being suicidal all the time again until I really do it.",0.879249999999999,2.848920425000003,3.281250000000004,89.34875000000002,82.25,6.5,21.875,7.6454224807358475,0.9101250000000004,588,19,129,10,16,203,97,160,0.185,0.6459999999999999,0.16899999999999998,-0.7094,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,2,1,11,11,2,1,5,0,9,3,0,1,3,29,26,18,3,1,6,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,6,14,0,0,3,0,4,3,4,6,0,1,3,1,15,5,15,20,6,24,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,16,84,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700919804538558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877691251637753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564918412764599,0.0,0.1016694389667154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365005268360878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936841385322076,0.0,0.0,0.15722827764038724,0.0,0.08433055428857313,0.11914989078352844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885622103664665,0.0,0.08713729394338231,0.0,0.0,0.1398897640112657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550650672331374,0.0,0.18452080593222514,0.0,0.0,0.135950499087994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148180551867798,0.0,0.0,0.14759780854364868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052827306479016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260477994183132,0.0,0.1286334202517573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600328971459065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301655520234295,0.0,0.17746899359688276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592133553075426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684553428681913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697899380856288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319321119632174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648673159445494,0.18926350259577984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686788577708077,0.0,0.13240716356938356,0.1945051513491934,0.1916926560703504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837300251328668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460961866677378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607729713292201,0.0,0.12142009420195553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182351154357632,0.0,0.21480571590668493
suicidewatch,Mal-nacido,2019/03/18,"“The highway won't hold you tonight The highway don't know you're alive The highway don't care if you're all alone, but I do, I do. The highway won't dry your tears The highway don't need you here The highway don't care if you're coming home, but I do, I do.“ makes me feel like god is singing to me And it gives me hope.",-0.8018835616438373,1.012684479452055,0.9002568493150704,104.86079623287672,87.76712328767124,3.65,20.08390410958904,3.1291,-0.8843684931506851,249,8,66,0,8,80,36,73,0.116,0.721,0.163,0.6598,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,6,0,11,0,0,1,1,13,20,5,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,10,4,1,18,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096429765677024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6096401161254447,0.0,0.0,0.2575363663653395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116832303470207,0.21358438031699864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867994713247938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998915007596729,0.2969448806426888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430621063576387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606174478527428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956493910488526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22168262513006076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AmorDeliriaNervosal,2019/03/18,"I don't want to die , but I don't want to live either. Look. I don't think I have the balls to kill myself. But I have been looking up exactly how many pills it would take to die. And I know overdosing is supposed to be painful and I don't want to hurt my loved one's  but I'm so tired. I don't want to exist anymore. 22 years of pain feels like my breaking point. I just want everything to stop. It pisses me off because I went through my longest healthy patch and yet here I am again. I know I wasn't made for this world. I'm too sensitive. The fucking news makes me cry. I hate that it feels like I can feel other people's pain. I hate how weak I am. ",-0.4777083333333323,1.4503666458333342,1.4408333333333374,100.76250000000003,87.40277777777777,4.711111111111111,18.722222222222214,5.985473137389443,-0.4556861111111111,503,14,127,4,16,165,85,144,0.315,0.54,0.146,-0.9826,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,5,0,2,0,15,9,1,4,1,27,38,9,3,6,5,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,10,0,1,4,5,23,3,13,32,1,10,0,1,2,2,1,4,2,0,6,75,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547756517451884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327443828847254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005651733554848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835532661690127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277367964402275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721800799654816,0.19518432142385486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629109009644035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26974251732093585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624075765804972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113554891920658,0.0,0.15015141173277155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347868650125755,0.0,0.12062659823287634,0.0,0.2294311670297108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329326800070155,0.12926096908985305,0.0911863198080498,0.1384981881205664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256852646599502,0.0,0.4360788523748768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470618325232158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913789283852656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114209677243398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271156052403746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753233272071588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700979980335875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028721221588689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663617778677386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704178544793704,0.0,0.0,0.08797051264902979
suicidewatch,bitchstolemyuname,2019/03/19,"Let go I don't understand why everyone has to hold on so tightly.   To expectation, fear, hope. To you.. what they hoped you'd be, what they thought you were capable of, what they needed.. they can't see, can't understand that you're not failing because you WANT to.. how? How is that a fucking mystery? How miserable do you feel? Do you really think that I'm enjoying myself? I am sinking.. fast.. and you shout at me to stop sinking. For me, at first.. you're trying to keep me afloat.. giving all your strength, all your will, all your power, all your love.. Treading water as hard and fast as you can. As your strength starts to wane, your care becomes anger, desperation. Don't I see that I'm pulling you under? Now you're pleading with me, begging me to stop sinking.

If it were that simple don't you think I would've done it already? 

Now you want to know, how? How can I do this? It doesn't make any sense.. it's not rational. Why? Why is your strength and love.. your need, your hopes and dreams, why are they not enough? Why can I not see, feel, and realize the things you're so confident I can be? How can I do this to someone who needs me, loves me, wants me? Can't I see you're downing now too?

And as we slowly slip under the surface.. as the sunlight fades away.. and you can't tell if it's because of how deep you are or because your vision is fading now..  I have only a question to give in response.. why can't you just let go?

I have always been sinking.. so why did holding onto me EVER seem like a good idea?",0.4011271400017371,2.686068038585212,1.954346050230296,96.02184148779007,87.26366559485531,4.90557052229078,20.945598331450427,6.382479282647008,0.16970854262622748,1164,39,260,12,37,376,145,311,0.059,0.773,0.168,0.9864,1,0,0,0,0,0,71.0,1,24,5,6,17,18,2,2,6,0,38,5,0,8,5,58,74,25,0,12,8,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,17,9,1,6,12,1,0,3,13,5,0,1,6,9,51,13,29,62,5,27,0,2,4,4,38,11,1,8,14,177,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052995578583934,0.0,0.075801623537736,0.0,0.0,0.06195040938733819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559046158851245,0.0,0.0,0.16659922168836894,0.10061163213524292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288145015897432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322585393416058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412956683090702,0.0,0.0,0.08240421508496802,0.0,0.08704894994174413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251164489072158,0.09212473188804572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774887196706878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421951060723497,0.0,0.17478082624072389,0.10354726443844277,0.07640947644741193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160676484610822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27144543544803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283962506992472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097293181278196,0.0,0.0,0.050065600049309766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18630969544518186,0.0,0.044506345004418114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466610752410892,0.0,0.060809256000912686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026461496135354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928485595953743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205167210309067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058360319593808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29037627163827384,0.0829330619348578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718784404890945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448030514336152,0.0,0.0,0.15232560138176132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962449696913665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060522093924998466,0.11674505649478333,0.0,0.07232238983124363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185020662995753,0.0,0.0,0.18967443783512014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119756163134644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754184249668912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471407977107893,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bioshoook,2019/03/19,"My birthday is in about three weeks. I had planned on killing myself then, but I don't know if I can make it that far. Tonight is going to be the test of that. I'm just so tired of hurting everyone I love. I really hurt my family tonight, especially my father, and I feel horrible for it. Especially since I lied to everyone about it.

Either I kill myself tonight or in three weeks. No other option. I've been planning this for so long. Sort of a milestone birthday too. Twenty. Finally out of my teen years. I don't want to go past twenty. In twenty years, I've hurt my family so much. They're genuinely incredible and they deserve better than a rotten being such as me. One last instance of hurt is certainly better than the lifetime of pain I'd cause if I continued to live. I love them so much. I just hope that they forgive me. I wish that I could've been better to them. They deserved that. Once I'm dead, they can move on and finally learn go be happy. They'll have so many new and amazing opportunities to take with me gone.

",1.1998717948717932,3.6262387307692334,3.1073076923076925,88.22102564102566,84.76923076923076,6.351282051282053,22.128205128205128,7.6454224807358475,1.1057493589743592,808,28,166,15,24,270,115,208,0.228,0.584,0.188,-0.9124,0,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,7,6,11,19,2,0,4,0,15,4,0,2,1,25,30,15,3,5,7,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,8,0,3,4,2,31,11,26,22,3,27,0,4,0,2,11,7,0,6,15,110,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099886732879436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001998030429226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328188167613746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223278446124046,0.0,0.0,0.2202800709972447,0.0,0.059074425938862335,0.0,0.0,0.2559703344813918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919716710842345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437121827417362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604182680139905,0.0,0.0,0.5002898478393335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585174679848974,0.0,0.06420852515026829,0.0952347314384166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316594265808686,0.10339379223944724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089322592240373,0.0,0.07798713366978878,0.118450626505366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241753060874736,0.17177183414779565,0.0,0.0,0.1128383272852438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442364939048953,0.0791692664241247,0.0,0.12431886647879015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153060294621647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484640241455325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664571146397496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784410004573495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428268922911796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891130623271753,0.0,0.18743324882997248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343525268515069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504736268203707
suicidewatch,ThatShallot,2019/03/19,"I didn't fucking ask to be here. This is what infuriates me. ""You can't kill yourself, think of how it will hurt your family."" I didn't fucking ask to be in this situation. If you had given me a choice, I would have said no thanks. Now because I had the misfortune of existing, I have to suffer through the rest of my life for other people? Fuck that. I love my family, in fact that's precisely why I hate life. Knowing my mom is going to die and everyone else I love is going to die. Life fucking blows. I would do anything to just cease existing.",1.4916233766233766,3.5527383571428617,3.6576948051948053,86.97366883116884,80.60714285714286,7.287012987012987,23.574675324675326,8.296473431620573,1.4916857142857145,424,15,90,9,11,145,70,112,0.215,0.6679999999999999,0.117,-0.9129,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,0,4,11,6,0,3,0,16,9,0,1,2,10,32,3,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,6,1,17,3,13,21,1,5,0,2,0,6,9,2,4,1,1,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817301204056525,0.0,0.2684987918925093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753904022758884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980744305695239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996185825387674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721879586520974,0.0,0.0,0.2707522075691262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310345428229065,0.0,0.0,0.16322575919512447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177820685532722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372995400094105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887541445582554,0.0,0.07892043910504436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042930826697292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592145817883793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168186067849175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955622104357094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659931326103816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141575978466793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221032502044516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201498746481653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957934824593956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402286547179124,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmCompletelyAlone,2019/03/19,"I Am Completely Alone My wife is leaving me. The one woman who I have counted on for everything, trusted above all else. She is putting her schooling before everything that we’ve built. I’m not worth it anymore.

I know that I’m loved. I know that people will be devastated by my loss. But I’m nothing. I have sacrificed my career, my LIFE, for this marriage. I had never been happier. And now this.

I know how I’m going to kill myself. Motel room, seal the bathroom door. One tank of helium to put me under with two tanks of carbon monoxide. Even when there is CO2 present, the lungs will absorb the CO first, which is obviously deadly. So open up those tanks, breath in the helium to get me a little loopy/sleepy, and wake up dead. 

I know people love me, but nobody will ever help me to feel the way that I’ve felt the last two years.",1.814100035223668,4.072964802395212,3.220817189151113,89.46771046143009,80.61676646706587,6.085100387460374,20.601972525537164,7.285733465282438,0.6040210637548435,650,18,133,9,17,212,111,167,0.08800000000000001,0.848,0.064,-0.2186,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,1,0,8,0,13,6,3,1,4,18,27,7,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,10,4,0,0,6,1,1,3,2,2,0,5,3,2,20,3,15,20,1,20,0,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,8,85,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413615332272466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571683000727187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134853713350135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616191674712322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238863024306632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467369613879167,0.14335307015100673,0.0,0.0,0.2848608992709133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013159969652316,0.0,0.15216441849751494,0.0,0.0,0.13480191341437994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827985872477007,0.0,0.09006710547320478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062249415992397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753332167845648,0.0,0.3483830271847427,0.1291813040168504,0.0,0.16780607591095162,0.0,0.0,0.11193820267391454,0.0,0.15883730556854755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860664541338397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222855436164425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206460055377896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477855652565733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973837231232374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186297599478328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038891963408738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962135200284463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579302682475824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205509607264547
suicidewatch,Throwmeaway190000,2019/03/19,"I don't know what to do anymore Hi,
FTP and man, am I scared. 
I feel like I want to die. It's been playing on repeat in my head for hours. I even was trying to plan how to not affect anybody. ( including my pets)
I'm just so tired of being me. The constant uphill battle is exhausting. 
There is no reason I should feel like this, so I feel guilt on top of it. I have an objectively good life and for feeling suicidal in that, I feel more guilt.
Then comes the guilt of even feeling this way when people love me.
If I use my logical brain and float outside my life, I can see I'm loved, but I don't feel it at all. is this because I'm unworthy of love? or because I don't love myself?
Even for once my dog didn't stop these thoughts in their tracks like she used to.
I keeping trying to remind myself, she'd miss me. I really am her person, but I'm having such a hard time. and this goes on every few days.
Why am I so broken?
Thank you for reading.",0.5128325123152706,2.3415904679802964,2.6098793103448266,94.42930172413796,82.74384236453201,5.439310344827587,19.01699507389163,6.508806274219699,-0.08294463054187151,727,18,169,7,20,245,120,203,0.14800000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.8028,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,1,2,11,17,1,4,4,0,19,10,2,5,1,31,44,14,2,3,6,0,8,3,0,1,4,0,1,2,10,5,0,2,11,2,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,9,31,10,21,37,3,18,0,1,1,4,12,8,0,2,11,109,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218350357560923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977748018094444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371421818274815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582513241320067,0.0,0.13275812916975055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922863737055298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749979038210565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434254904944221,0.0,0.10350714266676894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348195798256512,0.17552934870855394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030414673753326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005023445336692,0.0,0.12608041825950958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209833443700734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091954833300577,0.0,0.0,0.06751561630785312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354638204954878,0.18005616488908865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435107671443813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083214965942935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851693135170091,0.10726862677991317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288409877964795,0.0,0.07870140258817382,0.12631113827535048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299513595222927,0.0,0.09789622476074224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027088145016227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437889433138836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310456045658758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752985518008468,0.07163532067102492,0.14119898411561518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681533089693654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220738683106305,0.0,0.0,0.07246061640557219,0.09751328934632784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110853787140616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrogsMcGogs,2019/03/19,I need help I don't want to die but my pain has exceeded my ability to cope. I can't handle inpatient as I am extremely sensitive and have severe anxiety around being in control of myself. What do I do? ,1.7628571428571431,3.7807921904761934,5.081190476190475,77.33464285714288,79.47619047619048,9.914285714285716,27.16666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.3929809523809524,160,7,31,6,4,59,33,42,0.24,0.61,0.15,-0.6295,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,6,10,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279930798959145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325749871197458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104147939690779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797712593800876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452710917527069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713279517584236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893688528506617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133898760622513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158314101170769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iristurner,2019/03/19,"Only thing that puts me off. What if I killed myself but I didn’t die, my consciousness just slipped over to another realm or universe or existence , to what could be an even worse life than this one?!",4.151538461538461,5.744186205128205,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,71.56410256410257,8.276923076923078,25.820512820512814,8.841846274778883,1.6829589743589741,158,5,33,3,3,48,35,39,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.9266,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,3,4,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596333184018518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738331570449453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35594808777982984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652805310158736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794448243193997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422494289853925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240494055552724,0.2608436823681051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34477897429696097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278536286954896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495151177881881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway867539oh,2019/03/19,"Trying to remember what its like Some days I will think, ""huh, I haven't wanted to kill myself in a while"". But that never lasts long. I can't remember a time when I haven't thought that going to sleep and not waking up wouldn't be a relief. I've always loved sleep. Sleep makes me happy. At least, I think that is what happy feels like? I honestly don't know. 

I'm trapped. I had a child. She's 5. She needs her mother. Therefore, I can't kill myself. Some days I wish I hadn't had her so I could kill myself. That makes me feel fucking terrible. But I honestly don't know what to do to not feel this way anymore. I've tried talking to a therapist. No luck and really such a huge inconvenience. You have to get time off of work or find a sitter. And you can't tell them the truth or you will get committed. Source: happened to my sister. 

I'm in the military so getting on meds would require a waiver and could end my career. Don't say it won't! You don't know. Our unit has seen people get waivers for BPD, but get kicked out for relatively minor depression. Source: I work in the mental health field. Which also means I can't get help inside the military. I've thought about getting out, but I don't know how I would provide for my family. I don't have the kind of degree that would translate to the outside. I've changed careers once and made things worse. 

I'm very, deeply unhappy. I wish to not wake up or die in a way that isn't my fault. I don't know what it feels like to enjoy life. I don't think I've ever known. 

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suicidewatch,borkaruni,2019/03/19,Why do i feel this way? For the passed week or so i have just felt alone. I just want to cry or not talk to anyone i feel empty. I know not to take my own life or to self harm but i hate this feeling. I just hope it passes soon,-1.8169182389937115,-0.17946737735849005,0.5455660377358491,106.88426100628931,90.69811320754721,3.5333333333333337,10.720125786163523,3.1291,-2.1765572327044023,171,1,49,0,6,57,37,53,0.214,0.664,0.121,-0.65,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,11,5,0,2,9,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,4,8,1,5,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820019100467734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903858202074204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990888579893148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413021696537975,0.0,0.26143330271110243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688219841737232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27043734189636986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496389995518014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923207430064484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28404938158438203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472208661714147,0.218849859959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059890642774846,0.2161246813515732,0.21840809901817024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24569204446883916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,invicteus88,2019/03/19,Anyone from Los Angeles area? Anyone here want to chat with someone else from Los Angeles?,4.059374999999998,7.3276061875000025,4.492500000000003,77.1025,80.875,8.200000000000001,26.75,8.841846274778883,3.065100000000001,73,3,11,2,2,23,12,16,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7251284890212776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331605142696235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393439538796928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058390646676004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chumcha,2019/03/19,"Have everything I wanted still don't feel anything. Hi, I'm about to graduate university. I have a high paying internship that will convert to a full time position. I got a girlfriend start of a the year. I have a strong group of friends for years. I played games at an amateur level and got paid. I still don't feel satisfied at all. The only time I feel anything is the thought of suicide other than that I am empty. 2 days ago at work I stared down a railing thinking about jumping off. Another while ago I thought of swerving my car into a barricade. These thoughts are getting more constant and consistent. There is a slight tingle in my chest and I'm starting to crave it more and more.",3.349,5.480609622222223,4.181203703703705,85.1229166666667,75.0,7.462962962962964,30.509259259259267,8.344100000000001,2.3939259259259256,549,26,105,10,12,176,86,135,0.07,0.8590000000000001,0.071,0.0433,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,12,0,10,2,1,0,1,14,26,5,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,6,4,12,3,18,19,5,25,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,0,13,70,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109923293644639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393952047972087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887057059319721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956294480603955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312914626665248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765306103462887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660875959478868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552637146295762,0.0,0.09164789384820753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28059323802585195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533718886036188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341217123087012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248321437395461,0.0,0.2801757256532165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918772062286772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123998257031494,0.0,0.4177833780137961,0.2045735718550418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346521086281507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770531882354025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592498066551656
suicidewatch,giantfuck,2019/03/19,"help very intense thoughts really cannot stop thinking about stepping in front of a train. I came very close yesterday to going to the train station and flipping a coin, heads I get on the train and go home tails I jump. I ended up getting a lift instead but I am pretty scared I will do this and idk who to talk to. I told my mom but she kind of just didn’t react “you don’t feel like that right now though” idk I cannot stop thinking about it it’s been two days now. Sorry if this doesn’t read well I’m not smart ",0.3377027027027033,2.4011099099099127,1.6247072072072086,99.88949324324328,85.03603603603604,4.4207207207207215,18.25900900900901,5.46131890053228,-0.6393909909909907,404,10,96,2,12,128,77,111,0.103,0.736,0.161,0.7424,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,9,1,1,1,0,17,20,7,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,4,1,1,6,6,1,1,1,5,1,11,4,11,14,0,18,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,8,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472655661689796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210779026699265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662834732226132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492787404793313,0.1341227497025521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617464000129195,0.0,0.21339593560100267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192677207601229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583934321879264,0.0,0.18832029118709454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550415087743087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172113994421274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198808783656768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910008626576437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779256397073646,0.0,0.12027217782366242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603304358569285,0.0,0.0,0.1879622519575646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016152786743816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139210330580046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089971385814793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405946761858353,0.18445532439592052,0.1490459851994789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793952956328113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339641799733147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30981322514967724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880238766654912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shshshshs111,2019/03/19,what is there left for me to do everything has just turned to shit since september things were going so good i was so happy the beginning of last year and it plummeted it feels like ill never just be purely happy without ending up feeling worse than i started i don't know when ill feel good or even remotely ok again so i don't see the point of staying here any longer because what good is a life thats not being enjoyed i don't get it i don't know what i did its not fair i feel like im in the worst position so far in my life i don't know what to do things just keep getting worse and worse i don't see the point in staying alive,0.3376086956521718,2.4148181231884074,2.106695652173915,96.34482608695654,85.15942028985506,5.419130434782609,19.344927536231886,6.742157984588678,0.04795014492753635,503,14,117,6,15,165,80,138,0.182,0.634,0.184,0.3347,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,12,11,1,0,5,1,16,5,1,0,2,19,32,8,0,0,7,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,11,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,3,6,12,9,12,27,1,19,0,0,2,0,0,8,1,1,10,75,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938843439207213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012884146603005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642298332968735,0.0,0.0,0.08681947162797282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813604408015405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658541124651521,0.18781145654622453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735121356288751,0.0,0.07470433162001082,0.33075439887640395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27985544781010263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198526381416668,0.0,0.0,0.11683608993809083,0.0,0.0,0.21671942039928485,0.10714680930044154,0.0,0.0,0.14281749719611406,0.0,0.18568973810283915,0.12843668152648158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137999229011853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485197127759641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949240338399974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492840656607435,0.10873427645073214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303882868393444,0.2802099210249777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746550273222658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142976537072215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671017035787094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018670196059687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464752697965988
suicidewatch,sad-cowboy,2019/03/19,I’m currently on the phone with a person who’s threatening to kill themselves what do I do? Ok so I got added to this random group chat by a friend and there is this guy in it as well named zach who keeps posting pictures of noises he’s tied and knifes. No one seems to be taking him seriously but I think it’s serious. So I called in and he’s telling me his life story and why he wants to kill him self. What do I do I’m freaking out,0.6336458333333326,2.3111092395833346,2.5825,95.54583333333336,81.60416666666666,5.933333333333334,20.041666666666664,6.937597516519254,0.10346666666666683,341,9,83,4,9,114,66,96,0.201,0.745,0.054000000000000006,-0.9377,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,3,1,6,1,0,0,0,13,14,8,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,0,9,3,12,12,0,6,0,0,0,0,18,4,0,2,1,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461337582399482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623066524816603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927855989119205,0.0,0.0,0.2386723139935789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425175191459506,0.5333608601033408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025711713810596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633382392411043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047107913430485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23085435031851564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21943819265761166,0.2514623647840064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812357405501676,0.0,0.2106838370432196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445181693067525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217450700574766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167282825260592,0.0,0.21750549910068373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A_Healty_Snack,2019/03/19,"I dont see any reason to continue Im not angry, im no longer Im no longer completely distraught with existence, my days are no longer complete drags. Ive had my suicide attempts in the past and I thought I moved on from that. Even after improving myself so much, taking chances that payed off, and making mistakes. The only thing I regret is not killing myself. There is just no point, at the end of the day Im never fulfilled despite perusing my interests and succeeding in them. What's the point of trying, what's the point of going to work and school to build a future for myself when I will never be satisfied with it. My standards aren't even high, all I want is a place to call my own, a SO or maybe just a dog. But I just think even that will be a struggle to get, and even if I do achieve this, I doubt I will be happy.

​

I ask you again, why should I stay.",3.304632384190392,4.261646790055252,4.378121546961329,88.4721376965576,72.8121546961326,7.337186570335742,26.07777305567361,7.61054688173877,1.228905312367191,683,22,147,8,13,223,108,181,0.14400000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.282,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,1,1,4,12,9,1,3,11,0,16,0,0,2,3,28,25,11,2,5,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,10,6,0,0,2,1,23,3,18,16,3,24,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,3,11,106,31,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286661664273432,0.1442949106679418,0.08075444306441336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101572988989747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212575840544683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490153752497913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316855570990198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391747549089427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517773627681096,0.0,0.0,0.3137344613381165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204225877165605,0.0,0.06748867161061116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641216383386614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546647116987464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130838673099637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313798842300527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926691122914034,0.0,0.11930088410507007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262130367063375,0.08729531454965203,0.0,0.18317548284499624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031514095133808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113360832576605,0.0,0.0,0.1240690452741282,0.0,0.3367729471755501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209533864140296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018189182715468,0.09462881007232818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657228123184475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414385365613287,0.0,0.1298938227750101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928563152240103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889258580112446,0.07609055461453164,0.0,0.09427466855615577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062382539867362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004214845184117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715389684091546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645181143049131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442949106679418,0.0
suicidewatch,JakeJake6161,2019/03/19,"I can’t do it anymore The guilt, the anxiety, the stress, the depression. I feel like I’m just delaying the inevitable, like I was meant to kill myself. I thought it’d go away by now, I’d be normal and things would be alright, but it hasn’t gotten any better. ",1.5888888888888886,3.454631222222221,3.2627407407407425,90.90633333333336,79.37037037037038,6.542222222222222,23.76296296296297,7.554174236665415,1.0226118518518517,202,7,44,3,5,67,39,54,0.182,0.6559999999999999,0.161,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,1,2,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,9,14,2,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,1,5,4,3,6,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006105761476176,0.0,0.22505653524508945,0.0,0.2917600092161737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764036337527935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26018944910951225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533876569680261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875261904052686,0.21017125360984606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719643535482667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254805257885813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874552901331176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882462868994063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369966315515465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954484924222288,0.0,0.0,0.2335560643094464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898598362151016,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Angelisdevil,2019/03/19,"Suicide seems like a great idea I've spent my life thinking that suicide is an awful idea, but over the last year, I've started meditating, Thinking about topics in detail, asking questions, testing people / myself to their limits. during this whole time, I became more and more careless about death. Since October 2018 I've been thinking of death as something that I'll have to go through eventually. Because of these thoughts I've become very accustomed to death as a part of every person's life. The issue is, that over the last week, I've been thinking of death as something I might want. I've been contemplating suicide, Today, I realized that death might be the next step for me. I've started thinking that I'm greater than others. For example, I was walking home from my classes, and everything seemed small. as if I could break it with the snap of a finger, A car almost hit me. and I just stood there and watched it, I've stopped being afraid of dying and am seriously contemplating ending it soon. 

I'm not depressed, lonely, or mentally ill. Life has just become so boring to me that I don't see the reasoning to keep living. Over that last multiple years I've played video games and sports to get away from my boredom. but lately, everything has been boring me more than ever. 

This post is not a joke, I wasn't sure where to post it, so this looks like the best place. ",6.416734790874525,6.90231469201521,6.209978612167301,79.8170971958175,65.57794676806083,8.704277566539924,31.26639733840304,8.472884824447931,2.3151370722433464,1096,39,202,14,16,343,146,263,0.222,0.6809999999999999,0.096,-0.9925,0,2,2,0,1,3,35.0,0,0,1,2,10,14,0,1,13,1,19,5,1,1,2,38,41,16,9,3,8,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,1,1,16,7,0,3,13,5,1,4,4,7,0,0,9,4,17,7,32,26,7,31,0,2,3,0,5,8,0,8,18,124,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257539426458233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957643336059102,0.0,0.09624249794018806,0.0,0.0,0.06244436179997492,0.2262662128190859,0.0,0.0,0.10750082510611453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178723896821191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822843868841819,0.0,0.10631295212635168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072836646407127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265971176445063,0.08630719995765633,0.0,0.18412670751732535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351886235009797,0.0,0.05821704427965418,0.0,0.0,0.11293664299943748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275219816084387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312767619257785,0.0,0.10691713014037944,0.0,0.09105030021532916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504983475334344,0.11555287486603096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706186517532508,0.10009063481877302,0.0,0.09045333835408943,0.0,0.08602089126416204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032319353476339,0.217337954390041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894241856476992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092878653955046,0.0,0.07101659636797976,0.08944363241175123,0.10702437801906133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621177156949784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475236445614255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532182018690588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162865699738472,0.18650875095900415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473656144930669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772130061419934,0.0,0.0,0.14501021538539233,0.0,0.0,0.0856415312240219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361468340543249,0.0,0.0965452232581596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281859815537654,0.0,0.08132316761914911,0.059731568140078926,0.0,0.09709785890508632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845208705412498,0.060419723200209274,0.0,0.08216841061304822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436673465650216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193154183894876
suicidewatch,MechaSpartan300,2019/03/19,"Fuck this I work at a hard to get job  ive got a high up lad watching out for me as 'his man' to get me through my probabation evem though i messed it up and my i live with my parents


Ive lost all but 3 friends to alcoholism and have no gf to speak of. 



I am foffed but don't wants to upset the fam.

WHAT DO I DO??????",-2.2978078078078066,-0.6472997297297258,0.6923423423423429,104.7434984984985,93.5945945945946,4.3699699699699694,16.33033033033033,5.82211442006289,-0.9747039039039042,236,6,69,2,9,82,53,74,0.14400000000000002,0.762,0.094,0.3151,2,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,8,13,6,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,13,1,14,11,1,5,0,1,1,1,6,5,1,0,0,45,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501542096602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205062842451653,0.2638560200839839,0.2982288437772738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282676487000576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556704026059006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015502769452732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832243916696591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520213746012601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115576367875047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169129169445365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28041289191505625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834162200112945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778115010494272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpoonzSS,2019/03/19,"A piece I wrote for my English class, that may just help you to reach out. Success is subjective. For some it might be the ability to check their bank account and see six figures and for others it might be making it through the month without going below zero.

For me it was being able to walk out of the mental hospital knowing that I didn’t have to return - ever.

April 20th, 2018. I arrived at \~redacted psychiatric hospital\~ feeling more defeated than I ever had in my life. After 3 suicide attempts in the two months prior, Child and adolescent mental health services had decided that I needed 24/7 monitoring and care, which could only be provided in an inpatient setting.

In the three days following my admission I’d phoned my parents each day to try and convince them to discharge me. Each phone call ended with me in tears feeling lost, hopeless, and that key word - defeated.

Three months later, in roughly the middle of July, I attended my care meeting that was held every six weeks. Met with a room of smiles, I knew that I wasn’t going to be walking out of this one beaten even further into the ground, told I’d have to stay at least another month and a half. I could tell this one would be different. I took my seat and the usual introductions occurred, me meeting the various professionals who had filled the position of another since my last care meeting. The haste at which my psychiatrist went through all of this only reinforced the idea that there was going to be some good outcomes from this.

Three weeks later and I was walking out of the reception for the last time - knowing I’d never had to return. I’d done it. In the four months I’d been there I’d seen so many come and go. I’d watch individuals go from being at the mercy of their mental health problems to fully functioning teenagers - three words that may seem like they should go together with ease, but when your brain is fighting against itself it’s a daunting - seemingly impossible - prospect.

The mixture of emotions was enough to drive anyone crazy. On the one hand, this place had been my home for the last hundred and eleven days, and on the other I could return to the one that I’d lived in my entire life. I was leaving behind amazing relationships with staff, knowing I’d never be able to speak to them again, as well as daily contact with my peers - at the contrast of being able to see my family and friends from my regular life daily. All of this was going through my head, but it was all overridden by the unarguable fact - I’d done it. I’d taken back control. I’d gone through the process and come out the other side.

I’d succeeded.

When your mental illness is so controlling that you’re taking drug overdoses and preparing to jump off of bridges to defeat it, you don’t see any other way out. And in April of 2018? I couldn’t either. But I’d worked with the staff at the hospital, I’d figured out where all of this emotional distress was coming from, and I’d learnt to be better than it. I’d learnt how to win in the seemingly never ending fight against my own brain, and most importantly I was now winning it every single day. For me, that was the biggest success I’d ever felt.

Going from an emotional wreck who is constantly planning their next suicide attempt and slitting their wrists on a daily basis to not even considering either of those ideas is the biggest success I’ve ever felt, and probably will ever feel.",6.836757215619691,7.066350582181258,6.860901042929907,76.38653953431967,64.68356374807988,9.679052469884391,33.87505052954968,9.414487439383343,3.077065130568357,2723,109,488,46,38,870,297,651,0.065,0.8170000000000001,0.118,0.9838,2,0,1,0,3,3,68.0,0,4,7,18,20,26,3,1,37,0,52,12,5,4,13,100,95,30,2,8,8,1,7,1,1,7,7,1,2,1,39,39,0,3,17,0,3,22,9,10,1,15,35,13,46,16,97,38,18,105,0,5,5,0,32,38,0,10,43,351,85,11,0.188017774580878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042619511373070434,0.1314353534798757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382213320598509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0481913543360292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542881417146703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399266784290902,0.0639957231648329,0.0,0.1916966519130101,0.0,0.0,0.1619606645699129,0.0,0.06772680659460252,0.1405852811122203,0.15011689385727134,0.0,0.0,0.1616745470430139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547951896453479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282716411821884,0.0,0.0,0.07268030894034103,0.0,0.0,0.21149468990288184,0.1110186277643648,0.06475754048708487,0.0,0.08278931124853721,0.2834547355485714,0.10560872281634252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059082141573809824,0.0,0.09506743613011813,0.0,0.12035103248135733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842068874764363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28494622444167594,0.05256679629184857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432015994975354,0.13323606818130726,0.0,0.0,0.0420081170189901,0.0,0.0628657193123076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149945459975527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332965182005402,0.15325958068150433,0.0,0.06636122521921202,0.0,0.0,0.13280251453265726,0.030618662505195363,0.0,0.0553410465334095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684145370708179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183444150489423,0.06354017095612831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25263692603332394,0.1329714310851802,0.0,0.0,0.25012332312709185,0.0,0.0,0.046470932495716606,0.14501089868491002,0.0,0.06665301209397026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987427999233976,0.0953306599827759,0.0,0.0,0.06959049608952671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547951896453479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757165375574402,0.05996920597293332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728690873733062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498258235976237,0.1711643205246668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184341535179154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668006437140954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371072859145439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047121989128021874,0.0,0.05477860740085324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036544892119000284,0.0,0.0,0.059886346978915574,0.06963155521015472,0.042550575709851546,0.0,0.06122201523811671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902500524990775,0.0,0.0,0.049746585985086834,0.1005443451409644,0.0,0.05635018645839816,0.05809812023531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041414175534469,0.0,0.04562639305858895,0.0,0.0,0.0445208108562556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doxxedandconfused63,2019/03/19,"Should I get help? I know that people always say if you're thinking about this kind of thing, especially if you are posting on forums, the answer is yes. 

My life is a mess right now, and I feel like I am surrounded by selfish people who are just taking, taking and taking. People I love, my family, my wife, my friends, it seems like I am the villain in all their eyes. I have tried to please everyone, and in the end I've pleased no one and brought myself to the brink. 

I don't know how close I really am, I just want the people around me to know I am close. That these thoughts are creeping in. To know I can't take anymore. I need someone to tell me they love me and that everything is going to be ok. That its worth it to keep going. ",3.0408199643493745,3.9389027908496734,4.179643493761141,89.8702139037433,73.37908496732027,7.132263814616755,23.713012477718358,7.348242739294969,0.7666784313725485,569,15,127,6,11,186,92,153,0.07,0.7290000000000001,0.201,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,0,6,10,1,0,6,2,15,4,1,1,1,27,36,8,0,5,4,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,11,8,0,1,9,0,1,3,3,3,0,1,2,3,24,7,15,32,1,16,0,0,1,2,11,10,0,3,4,85,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707453585168308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395376232845003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525375514647347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461935835658235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444587246515424,0.126453021482569,0.0,0.13264041758628675,0.0,0.07114267295926993,0.10051685044235373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108705273780226,0.0,0.0735104857055329,0.0,0.15992728594800035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430894065428418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506154836923922,0.0,0.14651848055745714,0.30930244574463417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938130493636346,0.1374788412349288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25397636223584324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432803767201904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534266546179967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901775383799368,0.0,0.0,0.3088949783929429,0.0,0.0,0.13475270209280196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013668849981242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201579186091024,0.0,0.11189111361396943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808894162997445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921553383245748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231586837541405,0.0,0.12297890981773875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934755183906288,0.09015554459266337,0.0,0.11170090858228368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552676968624783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298911829603023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chichiseventyseven,2019/03/19,"emotionally drained and done it’s 3 months into 2019
2019 and my life turned to hell, the last couple of months have been the hardest of my life. everything went to hell. my friends hate me for rumours i’m pretty sure they made up themselves. i don’t have the energy to try in school anymore. my body has drastically changed. i’m annoying, i’m cringe, i get moody, i’m hella sensitive.

my friends hate me. some of the people closest to my heart hate me for things that aren’t true. and they don’t care. they aren’t trying to fix this, it’s very clear i never matted to them in the first place. that was the holidays. i’m back at school, still sit with them, talk with them, try to laugh with them. something’s shifted. i get a lot of anxiety, i’m very anxious because of this. i tell my friends and they say i’m dramatic and that i’m annoying them. people have told me to drop my friends. i know i should, i mean nothing to them. they hate me. my best friend, who’s told me that we needed to stay friends forever so we can move to another country and live together (non romantically), is the same person who called me a cunt and said she wanted to slap me. for reasons that aren’t true. 

i want to die. i can’t sit next to them at school knowing that they don’t care, they don’t want to be friends again and they don’t care what i do. i’ve spent every week since the start of the year crying and googling every way to kill myself. my parents are scared to leave me alone at home. i want to kill myself. i don’t have the emotional strength to ‘wait for it to get better’. everyone hates me for this. 

i hate myself too

sorry",1.4453396653098167,3.5051993611940304,2.6347625508819554,94.2536001809136,80.76119402985073,5.971053821800092,21.79330619629128,7.106945922332613,0.4745124378109456,1266,39,285,16,33,405,157,335,0.191,0.634,0.17600000000000002,-0.872,4,1,1,0,0,3,42.0,2,0,15,4,5,32,13,1,12,0,24,4,2,2,5,35,61,10,3,6,0,1,0,0,7,1,2,2,1,1,16,15,0,1,4,1,1,2,11,15,0,1,9,2,55,17,41,50,4,28,2,0,0,0,37,9,3,2,12,168,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913457921071745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801193715364081,0.058451123969103215,0.0863181292774197,0.0757751844413208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05875224466881643,0.0,0.04657698056816885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801844025256997,0.06757575703718477,0.0,0.08487092048227245,0.0,0.0,0.07802006058848411,0.0,0.2337059987327616,0.0,0.08082844451508281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845428605459502,0.08392947026377512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929837318532315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781908596535567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718951174061486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287523375832608,0.07301013550051623,0.06866965912460346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499173082161913,0.0,0.0,0.4132228558567623,0.0,0.11975846689069775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526163939098711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054262896817017,0.0,0.0,0.07664242213579933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690659863903007,0.0,0.083982546508855,0.062281879575703976,0.0,0.08090395039358067,0.0,0.0,0.1079370070137719,0.0,0.0,0.06746875556739405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649584747264341,0.0,0.07229812376115627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322959130186383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197463117780614,0.08120851860665253,0.0,0.05665480112757833,0.05892976666709701,0.0,0.08125968087870895,0.0,0.0,0.07331454974461793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484089955984979,0.0,0.0,0.10594194683723113,0.06671562025300815,0.07982902269514712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773335869349031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855909213971116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268052680088002,0.060761890391070626,0.07649670765331934,0.2319838026242053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320463629174906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058821819473674514,0.0,0.0855313489268042,0.05408124760588162,0.08143966521793226,0.061018706041390376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201266628441433,0.0,0.0,0.0614130293490119,0.06678306075797141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076139667619491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602027100103246,0.0,0.15562595424103914,0.08310884404512242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608750674447886,0.18026724542047728,0.06064829742809336,0.06128906364197646,0.0,0.0,0.0708300279561085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920358446648214
suicidewatch,enmanuel995,2019/03/19,"Copy pasting my note for awareness. Fuck it, I feel like shit so help others by using this note somehow. Please. It’s too long a story to type on a tablet, so bear with me here. I’m 19, male, in debt, and manically depressed. All my thoughts recently have been depressing in some manner, to the point where I’m barely functioning as a person. Yes, I am somewhat physically healthy and most of my actions appear as laziness to my mother, but as someone without friends or emotional connections, it’s enough. I have been to medical wards, where I felt like less of a person. It was traumatizing to the point where I still have nightmares, even a year after being released. Psychologists do nothing, psychiatrists and therapists are patronizing, College is killing my individuality, my family can’t understand me, The world is so fucked up and humanity has frankly failed to make me believe in good.

This is a call for help, if I could even consider it one past all the melodrama. Nobody will see this. Anyone who does will probably be too late. I’ve been typing nonstop for almost ten minutes while contemplating jumping in front of a train. I have lost several months of sleep, I can’t eat properly, I’m faithless and frankly don’t care enough about having a career to pursue one. Why should I even be alive? None of you have any context. Why the fuck should I consider living when complaining is all I’m good for? Can anyone help me? Please? Even if it’s only one person, I just need someone to get me. This is a suicide note.

I’m rambling, I know. I feel enough like shit to not care anymore. I don’t care what I’m called.

I’m lazy.

I’m aggressive.

I’m an insensitive, judgmental, conceited, unrelenting piece of flaming dog shit who’s only defining trait is the deformed potato he calls a face.

Nothing matters.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m not sorry. Help me.",2.784235730170497,5.429347783098597,4.141308376575246,82.01079132690884,79.61971830985917,7.1171237954040025,27.08858413639733,8.20500826718156,2.1368873239436628,1473,63,270,30,38,484,193,355,0.193,0.6709999999999999,0.136,-0.979,1,0,0,0,0,1,56.0,0,1,0,2,19,22,8,0,17,1,33,10,5,2,3,36,64,18,2,6,8,1,3,3,1,4,1,0,0,5,14,6,1,0,6,0,1,4,8,13,0,4,7,4,27,9,33,49,12,27,0,4,1,3,19,12,6,9,14,170,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233942956543752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591783620424664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154804638549355,0.1149914106373958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264275880216323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25189183900155304,0.0,0.2515106728639609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565233943926399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416456522568183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195824666553546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841397368610853,0.0,0.09249539351851777,0.0,0.2548904076057553,0.0,0.2172431826040704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775172076986296,0.0,0.08315385998286487,0.05874367492761565,0.07895174187234788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352912210998167,0.2280552870874026,0.042960718099036406,0.0,0.0,0.1379378322336605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046268772578695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097306065313453,0.0,0.0451903393490216,0.0,0.09275672659442656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051729123110838,0.0,0.0726087999540536,0.0727691618355656,0.0,0.0,0.08976153772454072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488780543000119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283602434225547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563357749952993,0.0,0.0,0.06097099445386898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779990104637653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715939233986662,0.1250761460753827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699179456762374,0.0,0.21539486317881604,0.0,0.18052322687820774,0.15546401150264785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865565430088951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119019579885813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552504235100133,0.0,0.0,0.09289419566738248,0.25321747457513033,0.0,0.0,0.08228734947552932,0.0,0.13934297652496286,0.0,0.0,0.2761424255627435,0.0,0.0,0.06566735940444204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994404803315724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954730055751718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527981959243861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560221192956773,0.0,0.07101856094698346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839589810353132,0.0,0.0,0.07926482435530853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295211378221617
suicidewatch,living_nightmare_,2019/03/19,Why am I such a burden? I don’t know how to do this. Nobody cares about me. I think things can’t get any darker but they always prove me wrong. ,-2.039375,-0.21182868749999706,0.18100000000000094,105.164,101.5,2.5600000000000005,6.4,3.1291,-2.66617,110,0,28,0,5,36,27,32,0.196,0.74,0.064,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350652542091038,0.0,0.0,0.2865778794887729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296625202906458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201728881133245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23159965590795065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799706008527417,0.2700268736069891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802631207689001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607531229028671,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway329132,2019/03/19,"Not sure if I'm actively suicidal or not I was just reading through an old psych evaluation from 2018 and one of the areas has got me confused a little relating to being actively suicidal. 


Early last year I did attempt suicide, after therapy and countless medications apathy just kind of took over and I just left that part of my life in the past. However I've noticed my apathy although it has fixed sadness etc, it also puts me in situations that are questionable. Basically I completely disregard any danger or anxieties now due to the fact I know I'm going to die anyway, for smaller things this is okay like dealing with what was social anxiety and agoraphobia, but it extends to things that do deliver harm to myself and even puts my life in question. 

I mean, I'm not planning to end it etc but at the same time I don't care if my life does end so I do take risks almost daily. Is this being actively suicidal or just not caring about my life? 

Idk if this was the right place to post and I'm shit at wording stuff so my apologies. ",5.588923834785904,6.287284610837437,6.892118226600987,73.46223190602502,67.42364532019704,10.581129215611977,33.349374763167866,10.560738912317856,3.700670632815461,828,36,151,22,13,282,124,203,0.241,0.71,0.049,-0.9909,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,11,12,2,2,7,1,14,6,1,0,2,34,26,18,5,3,16,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,4,1,0,4,5,6,0,1,6,0,17,6,22,18,4,27,0,1,0,0,5,11,1,10,12,108,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087103539154108,0.0,0.0,0.08681794465931922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382669270396862,0.0,0.16610108800437653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137481726430933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382644031403875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192388297809924,0.0,0.0,0.1126714523917592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950043800816708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230952801478732,0.0,0.24215331080697386,0.07170496380421826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169896331303287,0.0,0.08682790131836159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305185732389902,0.059663490627967275,0.0884934904412644,0.0,0.0,0.11795422472666706,0.0,0.3067255697324207,0.05303849140808983,0.108808838005018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825714144270953,0.0,0.10936599355519627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359991256160582,0.1139188067118294,0.0,0.07356522789246893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756335650064773,0.10363585003766937,0.0,0.0,0.11342542814915732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397352738742943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182719847182216,0.2432312396573416,0.0,0.10859256979059732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271237197689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143855551712384,0.0,0.12202957535880198,0.0,0.11066650158972736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427888023554652,0.4750020419560228,0.0,0.102319522771367,0.0,0.08162600881323978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415147034078375,0.0,0.1442491203589952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330406974289875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061769981360458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699111356517112
suicidewatch,SkooperLooper,2019/03/19,"Why can't I just bone a cute cosplayer? Why do I have to watch myself grow older when my taste in women won't catch up? Each moment I go without the embrace, I grow more fearful. Fearful that I'll be a creep. Fearful that I'll get rejected. Fearful that I'll accidentally hit on someone underage and go to jail.

Can I at least be cured of the fear of failure? Can I at least figure out how to get a hookup at Fanime?",1.4648863636363636,3.2248020795454586,3.5840909090909108,88.9586363636364,79.3409090909091,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.9740863636363636,325,12,71,4,8,111,57,88,0.33,0.67,0.0,-0.9842,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,5,5,0,8,2,1,1,0,7,13,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,0,2,8,1,13,9,4,15,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,3,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9015895582561246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744069484151475,0.0,0.1821395657112036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577336368562692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289188744852978,0.0,0.0,0.1544685221036979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,XRYAF,2019/03/19,I hate my flesh prison. I can’t even think straight enough to get the ideas that are circling in my head out. And at the same time I don’t care enough to corral them. It’s been like this for a while. And I want to die. I want to be enveloped into the void. Never to think again. ,-0.5492505854800953,1.4316083606557406,0.5757845433255291,106.4555737704918,88.34426229508196,3.4857142857142858,13.632318501170962,3.1291,-1.7820697892271662,214,3,56,0,7,66,45,61,0.16699999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.157,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,4,0,5,2,2,0,1,11,12,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,10,10,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667761440607049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715580388613501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407220244359523,0.0,0.17282158820135876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670467249004886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583315297011454,0.2685349600870907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29537823306855737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783210303232834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180555065454603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353177190549947,0.0,0.0,0.15257395432830198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086634546897799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChildofCrowley,2019/03/19,Not sure if this is where I should post. I'm in a bad place mentally and emotionally. Have been for a while. I'm exhausted. I have been thinking about ending it for over a year. I've had people say things to me like they know what I'm planning and advised I get help. I might. But idk how. There's factors that keep me from doing it. Like being married with my wife and having a stepson relying on me. I don't feel like they want me just what I can offer. If I do get help and lose my job how would that be worth it? I don't get it. I am at a lost and don't know what to do,-1.0648837209302289,0.8141203410852746,1.4849302325581384,99.7339069767442,89.77519379844959,4.68031007751938,16.351937984496125,6.079149491110277,-0.6960722480620158,440,10,113,4,15,150,78,129,0.115,0.755,0.129,0.1872,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,3,6,8,0,0,5,0,20,1,0,2,1,23,33,11,0,5,5,1,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,4,2,17,4,11,24,0,10,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,3,6,79,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183239239434625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314945903849323,0.1822755817501405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405744558406302,0.1470218401995499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225622420965624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27588357456971524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422235407390416,0.182922354794586,0.0,0.0,0.2262019479891929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016269233155008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23023486345174096,0.22465238124214412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073955677151348,0.218318722229602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267413733294235,0.0,0.21501468091125125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970972045618103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636585045503092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939617940938795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367227750065515,0.1318667866320342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213847512603658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619270409351545,0.0,0.0,0.13252690132699807
suicidewatch,moistest-boi,2019/03/19,"I don’t know what to do I have never really reached out for help before because I always tell my self I’ll get over it but its gotten pretty bad as of now.I’m scared at how much I wanna die I wish this feeling would just go away. I have no one I trust enough to confide in, no friends and my parents and me aren’t close and the loneliness is killing me. I have started self harming again as well and I’m scared my parents will be disgusted with me. I don’t know what to do. ",-0.17318770226536984,1.931015038834957,1.7341990291262128,97.91709142394824,87.93203883495146,4.598381877022653,20.23381877022653,5.985473137389443,-0.1272453074433657,371,12,87,3,12,122,70,103,0.322,0.512,0.166,-0.9757,3,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,2,1,0,12,0,0,1,1,17,21,8,2,3,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,1,1,15,3,14,17,2,10,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172120519930551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131411412724248,0.0,0.15224600092499668,0.11115256516567112,0.0,0.15515762188928112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923978079929596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884056126761469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921964114908366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408751700741357,0.0,0.09526494728246604,0.0,0.10362783158510272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222184314722788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017318194557794,0.0,0.2004182186078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404063138942535,0.0,0.1406315877448432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355807354303072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049332310512677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550498792164094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681145615807552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651076209180364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38044006725729207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906095082646274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593729009977176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394525369948218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096816118578054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952886386851845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lexxi2019,2019/03/19,okibye what's the best and most painfree way to kill yourself?,4.587500000000002,6.7229560833333375,2.8566666666666656,95.955,71.5,4.800000000000002,28.66666666666667,3.1291,0.5680666666666667,51,2,10,0,1,14,12,12,0.263,0.503,0.235,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6104502414588563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6435564085007703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617203177037087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OlivierDeCarglass,2019/03/19,I'm pretty sure I'd be dead by now if guns were legal in my country Most methods just scare me or I feel like they could hurt badly or leave me seriously injured but still alive. But honestly give me a gun and some alcohol and I'd 100% (eventually) do it. Anyone else feel this way?,0.426828087167074,2.7133673728813577,2.897142857142857,89.3037288135593,87.13559322033899,6.083292978208232,20.292978208232448,7.447530270364453,0.7245961259079907,221,7,48,4,7,76,49,59,0.234,0.5660000000000001,0.2,-0.0981,0,0,2,2,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,14,8,7,1,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,6,3,2,5,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,5,3,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699853116434404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777656926062625,0.27516145279373944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422822988280605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144155114804719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243392627381152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715741369170225,0.19185234240585788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576178571333674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874885821487426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843559245512377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120008041482814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27321213577618164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688656354116832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446456553617774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25310541946452525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316267751731813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Evieous,2019/03/19,"Struggling to keep going I'm not really sure why I'm posting, I'm just tired and lost and maybe I need to vent a bit. Sorry if there's formatting issues, posting on mobile.

I guess I'll start with a bit of backstory. I'm a closeted trans woman (male to female, incase anyone isn't sure) and I've been struggling with my gender identity and depression for a long time now. I was in denial for most of my teen years, and thought I'd finally beaten it when I was around 18. Unfortunately, I was just putting off my feelings and it all came crashing down during uni, depression and anxiety coming back worse than before.

I managed to somehow get through to the end of uni without completely breaking down, although my grade really suffered for it. I've been struggling to get work since finishing, when I do find something I end up having to quit shortly after starting for various reasons, but usually to do with depression/anxiety. Currently I'm self employed and earning a small bit off money, but it isn't sustainable. I'm being pushed towards doing further qualifications, but I'm not really sure if that's what I want to do either, and I'm getting really stressed about it.

I've been having a difficult time sleeping the last few weeks, as soon as I turn off the lights and get into bed I can't stop thinking. My depression is at its worst late at night, and recently I've been having some thoughts about suicide and, honestly, it's scary. I've been looking up hotlines and going onto websites and on here for the last few days, but not actually used any of them until now.

I just feel lost and don't know where I'm trying to go, and it's getting more difficult to not give up. Just getting out of bed each morning is getting incredibly difficult, some days I end up just lying here for hours trying to find motivation to do anything.

If anyone actually reads this, thanks I guess. I find it really difficult to talk or post about my feelings, even anonymously, and I've been staring at this finished post for about an hour, building the nerve to post. I'm not sure if I could actually kill myself because of what it would do to my brother, but I really don't know, living is just getting so difficult.",8.117695816644414,6.912572235981313,8.487076101468627,70.51515576323989,62.62149532710282,11.70378282153983,38.37160658655986,10.813802987103665,4.154494303515799,1759,77,318,38,21,585,204,428,0.195,0.7709999999999999,0.035,-0.9967,2,0,1,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,1,7,25,24,2,4,12,0,29,2,1,3,5,80,74,34,2,8,23,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,15,26,0,2,13,1,1,7,11,18,0,0,14,6,26,6,63,57,14,70,0,6,2,0,7,24,0,11,33,208,41,8,0.0,0.0,0.2071775135089917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812453543335257,0.0,0.10827435717915254,0.0,0.0,0.09896499205615328,0.0,0.058235875282691835,0.06299835180023207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441607528121233,0.0,0.04313939825203447,0.0,0.06021819138896041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317803493479654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093951835129733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096019944696812,0.07419869913596824,0.0,0.0,0.056502335392359215,0.0,0.0,0.09127876197049672,0.0,0.1828566251950904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803781578491546,0.0,0.0,0.046741469039935285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734698853193936,0.0,0.0,0.07752267337174515,0.19404148035876054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957860662344208,0.06788692882481175,0.12065692654275804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591743549880852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938406944324164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386320436527033,0.0,0.06290167836991108,0.07829409322798184,0.0,0.07778427188432788,0.11537041577734783,0.07982916862824299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062489270031816625,0.06262728218630692,0.05942713448055656,0.0,0.15450284188388586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109577388534791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247343213146586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641079284653215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388799849771697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114119214848412,0.0,0.0752702736350911,0.07078695768807595,0.0,0.2720140153360818,0.07276109186968935,0.06987467183621544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382625649701084,0.0,0.0,0.05853986117400115,0.0,0.07081891457829755,0.0,0.0,0.05448051516500188,0.0,0.07921876599507936,0.10017963594795276,0.0,0.0,0.05916505535314174,0.08106428372108239,0.22194563137567846,0.0,0.07740849468460145,0.0,0.2667912820572377,0.0,0.0,0.05688048256098156,0.0,0.06515348865214529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534515319200014,0.0,0.112363467698723,0.08253055462292942,0.08133718368325406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609339114817624,0.0769750524356438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112066354347341,0.07794074131585288,0.0,0.041740686048817324,0.0,0.056765666058491225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385693851209158,0.0,0.0,0.06821764051048558,0.0,0.051519806274258256,0.0,0.07211844110874692,0.050271419604478326,0.0,0.0,0.04557214743923962
suicidewatch,SrP0tat0,2019/03/19,"Why is suicide not the answer? I do not have any suicidal tendancies but I actually want to know the answer, everyone always says it is not the answer but never says why.

If someone truly is suffering and does not want to live anymore why isnt he allowed to choose suicide?",3.2432075471698134,5.592990679245286,5.24211320754717,76.35901886792455,76.16981132075472,8.013584905660379,29.467924528301893,8.841846274778883,2.8871313207547167,218,10,37,5,5,75,34,53,0.206,0.6559999999999999,0.138,-0.8159,1,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,17,9,4,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,24,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.1806472074364837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540319337159664,0.0,0.0,0.1258857120346115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835860358897392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199688208903185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768869512510666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173530365621107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346144812914884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427734203233442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944244787342428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568487892914474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6074629115782597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837326580931052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011171183612425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway6969002,2019/03/19,"Pushed over the edge by fictional characters I recently watched some really good anime movie, and someone dies at the end and it's very sad, so sad in fact that it has made me breakdown and feel more than I have ever felt for a human being. And it has pushed me over the edge I want to die now more than ever before and I don't know what to do. I'm very close to suicide.",3.8194936708860743,3.9852750000000015,4.911240506329119,87.99293670886074,71.15189873417722,8.345316455696205,24.66075949367089,8.238735603445708,1.1638486075949368,291,7,66,4,5,96,54,79,0.182,0.765,0.053,-0.9179,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,3,15,12,6,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,3,6,1,11,9,3,12,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,1,5,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762738756976936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820770394422282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570429765907947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201662979867952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743242597030452,0.0,0.2229961323397764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480002823226175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763836053480784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976028044454773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487851040615616,0.0,0.2293185586244256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967844160045187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25404347469377336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832606491180861,0.1369868896578977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saltenjin,2019/03/19,"Got my goods Finally got my goods through the mail and I can kick the bucket anytime I want, but I’m gonna finish a comic and go somewhere far before I do. I really don’t want my sister to deal with my body
",6.6573913043478266,3.620093869565221,8.001739130434782,78.6595652173913,66.82608695652173,10.93913043478261,31.69565217391305,8.841846274778883,2.30951304347826,162,4,37,2,2,57,33,46,0.0,0.933,0.067,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,10,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,2,3,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24857480189290626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244823348748224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30116555553460844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200060103286789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601999562251546,0.4900371251375493,0.4672742303189277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714120659851047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446029356292125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,athrow829,2019/03/19,"To anyone who wonders why: an explanation, not justification. \- All our lives are our own and our own alone; no one can own another's life, nor command they live it. - 

I am empty, eroded away by years of trauma, hatred, loneliness, shame and loss. I have severe complex PTSD, depression, anxiety, self-esteem and identity disorders. While this is true it is not the full story. I am a person who suffers because my life was marred by violence; I am not merely a label or a cluster symptoms. After 27 therapists and dozens of pills and I'm no better - if anything I'm worse. My every waking moment is poisoned by mental anguish and painful memories. All my energy goes into keeping myself together, vetting my thoughts and feelings, and weighing the evidence I can collect. After years of this exhaustion, and with no end in sight, it I cannot manage life any longer. The ""coping skill"", ""mental exercises"", ""mindfulness"", and so on are more or less a sick joke in the face of my daily struggle; like bandages on a hemorrhage. And I have been bled dry.

Most people have moved on, tired of my problems; I cannot blame them. My family is no longer a part of my life, as we parted ways on awful terms years ago. There are a couple of people still in my life, but they are utterly at a lose to help me, though I commend their tenaciousness; it drains terribly them to try and the cannot provide any help. They too are drifting away. I've lost a lot of people to drugs and social-ills. I am largely alone now, and I am unable to connect to people any longer. 

I was once brilliant, with a genius level IQ (for what such measurements are worth), and a gifted artist. Now I can hardly think clearly, and my artistic muse hung itself years ago. I struggle to hold a job. I bounce from office to office, trying to keep my head down, but I always ending up overworked and the butt of office bullying and harassment until I can't take it anymore and quit. I've always been bullied, since I was 4 or 5 years old. Growing up I was abused by adults and children alike; I was beaten many times, and raped before puberty. Being small, sensitive, and physically deformed from birth always seemed to be a recurring justification for my treatment. I suppose this has left me bitter and jaded, though I have tried not to let it color me too much. 

I am unable to hold a romantic relationship, and I have never been able to do so due to multiple violent sexual traumas. The loneliness and absence of intimacy aches awfully. Many people see me as a loser for this, and treat me as such. I am a pariah in my community. I don't not know if this is right, but it hurts all the same. I tried for years to ignore how others treated me, but it's getting harder has I get older and watch my peers start amazing careers and loving families. I long for that, but I know I could not make it happen when 90% of my energy is spend just keeping the shattered pieces of my mind together. Perhaps sometimes it is the act of condemning people as crazy that makes them crazy

I am tired of being pathologized and dehumanized for being in pain. I am tired of the flashbacks, the nightmares, the painful thoughts and memories -  the waking horror that my life has become. I am tired to being looked down on and judged as an inferior. I am tired of being utterly misunderstood and condemned for being different. I am tired of a mental health system that has done significantly more damage than good. I'm tried of the rat-race, and the meaningless work I do for meaningless money. I'm tried of the politics, and the endless struggle to keep my bank account full.  I'm tired of people expressing to me that they know more about myself than I do, and that I must be like them or face ostracism. I am tired of white-knuckling it day-in-and-day-out, wearing a fake face in public and at work until I can no longer tell where the mask ends and I begin. I'm tired of the endless bullying at work, when all I want to do is keep my head down and be left alone. I'm tired of waking up every day wishing I had not. I have no more tears left to cry, and too many broken knuckles.

Some have told me to turn to God(s), magic, or ""alternative medicine"", but I am of science and reason, and cannot trick myself into believing. My therapist says I need to find the right ""fit"", but therapy and psychiatry have proved useless, or worse damaging. The cost of these treatments is growing increasingly onerous, and my insurance provider has been less than helpful; my state appointed case-worker even less so. 

Overall it is like I've lost some essential piece of myself after all these years of suffering. It is hard to describe, and when I try people say I am mad, or that it is some delusion. I don't not know if this is true, but I know that the feeling of this absence -  the lack of this essential element of self that seems to allow others to feel, connect, and grow - hurts with tremendous force. I investigated BPD dialectical therapies as a solution, but found them grossly unhelpful and was asked to discontinue my treatment as it seemed inappropriate. 

There is not enough left inside me to start over, to reinvent myself. Life has hollowed me out, and I cannot find anyway to replace what has been lost. Often I feel like a zombie, or a hamster running on a wheel. I have no purpose, no connection, no meaning, nothing to justify life with such pain.  

The chronic pain has left me numb, and I have progressively lost my emotional capacity to experience the full range of human emotions. I've considered abandoning my material life and living in the mountains until I succumb to the elements, but this seems like a painful and protracted form of suicide. I once turned to drugs and drinking, but these things provided me little solace so gave them up to avoid the prolonged form of suicide they too cause.

In the past people on Reddit responding to throwaway post have praised my strength for keeping myself together for so long, and perhaps in some ways they are right about this strength. But now that strength is spend, and the survival that some praise is more akin to the survival that roaches or molds engage in, rather than some noble endeavor. Make no mistake, my survival has been a depraved act that at times has been at the cost of other's well-being. I once mourned this fact, when I still felt that sort of sorrow. 

Now the time has come, and this life has proven to be more than I can cope with anyone longer. I hope others will learn from my experiences and will try to be more supportive and kinder to others before it is too late. If we can accept each other for who we are without the need to judge and control, collectively engage difficulties early on rather than burying them, build communities of real support and progressive thought, and reduce the impacts of poverty and ""us vs them"" thinking, people like me would not exist. I hope those who go on after me make a better world than the one that has irreparable shattered me. 

\- Just another broken soul, signing off. ",6.647789678675753,7.011216453996988,6.885186054947784,75.59479781201674,65.07843137254902,9.70034938999943,32.92357332416901,9.524224260231184,3.020500192832732,5542,214,993,99,79,1790,531,1326,0.23,0.672,0.098,-0.9996,3,4,3,0,1,4,189.0,7,0,15,26,38,76,8,6,64,2,114,52,10,11,12,201,182,109,3,18,41,0,7,6,0,4,38,3,0,5,61,73,2,12,31,5,8,11,31,48,0,3,26,16,134,28,163,139,42,121,3,19,5,3,47,55,1,30,56,723,195,8,0.036906016821346914,0.04372759501676544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654299142609827,0.0,0.0,0.11467050946380022,0.0,0.0,0.09212628742417972,0.0,0.0,0.07529207099927482,0.07739835306413591,0.02823300185212017,0.0,0.03660085174422662,0.051611090138236615,0.0,0.03037050724753972,0.0,0.03450214378189809,0.0,0.06934883535087777,0.0,0.0,0.02249756530502953,0.04075979602069646,0.06280860411677221,0.04158044282342619,0.0,0.06528074548567253,0.0,0.0,0.046481836230120435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379126455057382,0.0,0.031791265609531584,0.0,0.0,0.04139323604744763,0.029466451361924925,0.04083580564916159,0.040539526505207486,0.07140398307352318,0.0,0.031787098209309896,0.0,0.0,0.03855893253304042,0.042297492664612975,0.0,0.0,0.03776766870359301,0.0,0.036153846217574094,0.08559852525578354,0.0,0.0,0.08302860301990984,0.09806332985270008,0.03813378097660677,0.0,0.024376076041565272,0.0,0.062189821830876485,0.0,0.0,0.07220233232135756,0.06958341621556415,0.0,0.07464316402641423,0.026365665791341083,0.035435563784791034,0.0,0.06746286153168497,0.0,0.0,0.040465542529726235,0.0,0.0,0.03856374109896656,0.0,0.020974539859062856,0.030955015915637592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326358687911248,0.0,0.06612108398291579,0.0,0.07575244128962534,0.03922937007794113,0.0,0.0,0.07421197538970715,0.0,0.0,0.07331200408807889,0.0,0.0,0.07901730863129472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036623527003370786,0.19682258087913407,0.0,0.0,0.10141290834645048,0.0,0.04163159448742226,0.0,0.20049247630970626,0.03773890265896816,0.2606781112150173,0.10818249374396424,0.03698952441349178,0.09776606700846498,0.06532132704454244,0.03099175911207899,0.04128839262958862,0.16114910805142946,0.0313761757298583,0.033309121088364764,0.0,0.09854021123266528,0.11225072528536156,0.0,0.040201471688017874,0.0,0.0,0.11157775370436628,0.0,0.07452911253358199,0.0,0.0,0.03922525523104552,0.027130168824410862,0.054730687677175205,0.028464195356390606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03541231850086033,0.0,0.03872665639374566,0.11791111029793724,0.05001694426673453,0.0,0.23562362379342985,0.0,0.0,0.07993123950486815,0.03523096905882365,0.255859851630382,0.032224910356970574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03534576234953279,0.0,0.0,0.03531407383158635,0.043141158691713366,0.0,0.0,0.03925409174090748,0.0,0.042007126898030316,0.0,0.03794553198076635,0.0,0.03962325037489702,0.0,0.09455261014314087,0.0,0.0586982917507699,0.0,0.0,0.02940931716850786,0.13439140648440004,0.07700204889571137,0.04169329412808431,0.0,0.030529038490872858,0.0,0.0,0.037621036465072484,0.0,0.0,0.03650099432071869,0.0,0.05224453732075091,0.0,0.058946385413946124,0.0,0.0,0.11574654581105236,0.0,0.08073838462726925,0.08376102106555658,0.0,0.03835948253883598,0.02774873163918895,0.0,0.032257485400395615,0.0,0.08441049325293842,0.08570146012116353,0.024518717674834916,0.04729577075894797,0.07251994828978225,0.08789776474219993,0.06456058559655839,0.4241803724174323,0.0,0.03526528064540218,0.0,0.20045410277700268,0.0802862969442231,0.0,0.0,0.04439339411808277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021768124923154584,0.05858855663820576,0.0,0.0,0.033182941356830406,0.0,0.0333019398175607,0.0,0.042440097977079816,0.035576083221496926,0.04002300093747488,0.1074720791779179,0.0,0.07522076822035613,0.026216975464532714,0.0,0.0,0.1663638537515908
suicidewatch,lanjut,2019/03/19,"Feeling hopeless after being fired. Got into an accident last month after picking up my daughter (2 years old) from daycare. She got a clavicle fracture and is in need of an extensive care at home.

Because of that, I couldn’t go to work since the accident and after about a week my employer fired me. I’m a software developer.

It’s been almost a month now that I’m looking for a job. Spent all my time sending my resume to these job posts online, but zero result.

I’m feeling hopeless. Don’t know how to provide my family as my saving starts going down. Thinking of killing myself.",3.4351327433628285,5.568563353982302,5.002840707964602,79.32125221238937,74.75221238938053,6.99787610619469,29.88407079646018,7.908726449838941,2.3372803539823006,461,21,79,7,10,155,82,113,0.17800000000000002,0.778,0.044,-0.9493,3,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,8,0,5,0,0,3,1,16,21,5,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,3,0,1,4,5,10,2,18,15,1,21,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,1,12,52,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165848874099984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276273195205385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532593946650352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984832708252666,0.0,0.2036531200862726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22890404180404025,0.0,0.32213276343554065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020060770371916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996880700373824,0.0,0.22280321863141805,0.0,0.11067620442493176,0.1641560615255408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911310024059428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214879704431717,0.0,0.0,0.14932479692286013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113202061559012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928716414476475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658816712807134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254169382569992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290396971722202,0.0,0.0,0.11742950487900244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153930116745924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661104290137458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968565968114795
suicidewatch,CommunistBrit,2019/03/19,"I'm getting told ""everything will get better in time"" but I could just sort it now by ending myself... Not much to this as the title says it all but being fairly young, is this true? Do I really have to wait to experience a happy life which a fair amount of people get for free and sometimes even take it for granted. ",7.414322916666663,5.504842203125001,7.848749999999999,76.78791666666667,64.46875,10.408333333333333,29.14583333333333,8.841846274778883,2.0575583333333336,247,5,50,3,3,82,53,64,0.0,0.7140000000000001,0.28600000000000003,0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,2,10,13,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,5,9,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420193045674661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848555844844966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237079114166826,0.0,0.0,0.1807418382793464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593706197144596,0.2676801272191234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289091553499535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291303247654127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932855843567704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116267186694253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971297860533973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753058336256128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761577082384034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27064474205369465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057491434566931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956627447906724,0.0,0.0,0.2614822681229935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notthislife,2019/03/19,"I'm reaching my breaking point I think I've been depressed since I was child. I was always deeply insecure and felt inferior to everyone. I thought and still think no one likes me or wants me around including my mother. By the time I was 11, I didn't really care if I lived or died. At 13, I thought about suicide and have been thinking about it ever since. It would only hit me when I was at my lowest. But it seems like just the smallest thing will send me into a downward spiral where I seriously contemplate suicide. Sometimes the thought randomly creeps up on me. I think I'm going do it and I'm going to do it this year. I really don't want to see 2020. 

I think the only person who would remotely cared if I died is my youngest brother. He's the only person I'm somewhat close to but he berates me and thinks I'm weak. I think he would care for a moment but go on with his life. 

I don't consider myself religious but I think that's the only thing that has held me back. I was taught to believe in a God, heaven, and hell. Those who don't get saved go to hell. Will I, someone who is unsaved but believes in some form of a higher power, go to hell or some horrible afterlife? Probably. But I rather suffer in hell than on earth.",1.9560664961636824,3.8047984549019622,3.68057971014493,88.4217391304348,78.17647058823529,6.787723785166242,24.02813299232736,7.7425588080867325,1.1794450127877236,966,33,204,15,23,323,134,255,0.252,0.6970000000000001,0.051,-0.9955,2,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,0,0,0,1,10,17,4,1,10,0,22,2,0,0,1,48,55,18,4,8,13,2,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,3,14,10,0,1,13,0,0,6,5,10,0,1,14,2,33,7,25,35,4,29,5,3,1,0,13,15,4,10,9,134,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199598317582438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772449726138648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577377360790777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220492794523358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30141461894111155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487526555731252,0.0,0.2045449330860811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913812552260619,0.0,0.09416241897962936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461709485411128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051484846856823134,0.0,0.28002235824706395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960410091120922,0.09628663202399527,0.0,0.08701560661705987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677554206192131,0.29978671265633033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172088550272727,0.0,0.0,0.09315534257958252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624642665773153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625882033166122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852631240826076,0.08971018869727637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303219828750162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834954829016525,0.0,0.09746191884761582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869686755784222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558091873579327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093568088998364,0.5051409318926485,0.0,0.2346972999946057,0.0574614351495876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116246872952774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100071613970141,0.0,0.0,0.06345870342617997
suicidewatch,Sun_Queen17,2019/03/19,"So help me god lol I just want to kill myself. My mind won’t stop thinking about it. My life has been shit for the past 18 years. I suffer from PTSD and that causes me to have so many problems. I deserve to die because I’m wasting my life away, I just spend it watching YouTube videos or sleeping. I’m just a terrible human being who does nothing good. I have no motivation for life; it takes so much fucking work to be alive. I’m failure as a student, patient, and as a daughter. I just don’t want to suffer anymore. If you can euthanize an animal because they are suffering, why can’t I end mine? I’m thinking about ending it tonight, either by cutting myself or jumping off a bridge. Not sure if I’ll go through with it. ",1.5159009009009026,3.686942391891897,3.167459459459458,89.9270900900901,81.16216216216216,5.298018018018019,26.75855855855856,6.42735559955562,1.056328288288289,566,25,116,5,15,187,99,148,0.254,0.64,0.106,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,1,1,2,9,11,4,0,6,1,11,6,2,2,1,23,22,11,2,5,10,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,3,1,1,2,5,9,0,0,1,1,17,2,17,18,2,10,0,3,1,1,6,2,2,4,6,75,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228463033238334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321667246844768,0.0,0.0,0.21179751493444735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845940202495736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802950532013861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202448710461774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077306260684671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606023384278483,0.0,0.0,0.09872969272034736,0.14570899910272989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644157751300065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219663522949654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681130073715349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612590771999326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540876769178154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770498182480322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669006078788062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583642705824478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662276112622172,0.20307064516565326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832219137271887,0.0,0.0,0.17384653849837786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523860093671426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373006125332706,0.0,0.1306166317127928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226269060193608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493038695507396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675625340398636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264710146748216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187067934358584
suicidewatch,Valerie9319,2019/03/19,"How do I know if I’m actually suicidal? I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts in the past few years, but I don’t know if they’re really “real” (if you know what I mean?) Especially In the past few months. Whenever I see a window, I imagine myself flying out. Whenever I see a knife, I imagine it by my wrist. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I haven’t been diagnosed with depression or anything, but I think I might have some problem. I hate smiling and being happy, I want to stay away from people, nothing seems quite real, it’s all just kinda hazy. But I don’t think I’m “depressed” enough to have suicidal thoughts. The only times I really feel any kind of good feeling, or laugh authentically is whenever my brother comes home from college. Other than that, nothing brings me joy. Everything feels pointless and uninteresting. I don’t want to tell my parents, because they’ll just tell me that I’m just feeling a little sad, or I’m “just being a teenager”. How do I know if these thoughts and feelings are real, or if if my brain is just messing with itself? Even typing this, I feel like I’m begging for attention, but I feel like I need to tell at least somebody. ",4.533281914893617,5.428919825531915,5.804507978723402,79.60718750000002,69.8936170212766,8.598404255319151,30.85771276595745,8.841846274778883,2.4907925531914894,929,38,180,16,16,312,126,235,0.156,0.721,0.123,-0.9177,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,1,1,9,13,1,0,9,0,18,3,2,2,1,61,50,19,3,10,19,2,7,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,9,7,0,0,21,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,5,10,30,7,20,41,7,16,0,3,3,0,7,8,0,15,7,118,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.09676494441381576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674315650952191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833914849898544,0.0,0.0,0.08159946230421883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316320649392257,0.0,0.0,0.06044644618812463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069431137367383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541675509613132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081111625497836,0.10064436456769804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245782192426292,0.0,0.13098725562047436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911777458302922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509646216737207,0.14167851292904915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316991987478856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555666946512884,0.0,0.09789904857362622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946462799534067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325890808680536,0.21798091745597048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688822172429708,0.09938343401472874,0.0,0.0,0.08326864147494224,0.0,0.0,0.08430149183387523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801329219966448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051920989020339,0.0,0.0,0.07914782033814728,0.0,0.0,0.07352519089649742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029159605821394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541493786646901,0.0,0.0,0.11010440795514548,0.0,0.18931709689435414,0.06874441097775108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948818343052985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546787227460644,0.0,0.3385941768985805,0.12704767340801404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803387464849647,0.09027068940643984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056903706750556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253917716552173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260008182527643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707425107318182,0.0,0.23616366635717834,0.057820448720048115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169731723360908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638551873572638
suicidewatch,ontotheroad9,2019/03/19,"Anyone else here addicted to pornography and masturbation, who is suicidal like me? I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking lonely. ",1.4770000000000003,4.1606054000000015,4.311500000000001,75.28325000000002,95.0,8.9,26.25,8.841846274778883,3.5056000000000003,105,5,18,4,4,37,22,25,0.26,0.654,0.086,-0.7245,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444259328722014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850558439073543,0.4177112216169341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405601567499521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768889749120816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404752230086744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991694160279008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445930289478461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burnttoasted22,2019/03/19,Drunk as fuck and jumping off. Living is such a fucking waste,0.8024999999999984,3.2773742500000047,1.5,94.995,98.16666666666666,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.1626333333333334,49,2,9,0,2,15,12,12,0.529,0.471,0.0,-0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9023754478963408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309507524461214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abagool,2019/03/19,"Failing a class while on academic probation, I feel utterly hopeless. I don’t know what to do I’m at the end of my rope. I’m a 21 female year old university student and my university career has been an utter failure so far. I have ADHD, but I can’t take any stimulants because the crash from them makes me too morose to function. My first year, I was in a great books programme- I loved it, but unfortunately I got very depressed towards the end and ended up getting an ILL. I took time off from school, took classes at a local university near my home (didn’t go stellar in a couple classes there either), and was accepted back at my original university. I’m doing average in the rest of my classes, but I just found out that I will undoubtedly fail one of the classes I’m in. I missed a test, immediately emailed the professor to schedule a retake (one is allowed), and did not hear back from her- or so I thought. I’m such a scatterbrained idiot that I missed her email for an entire week-DESPITE CHECKING FOR IT- and emailed her back a week ago asking if I could retake it. I heard nothing back until today, when I emailed her asking if she received my email. She told me she would not allow me to retake the test because I had “consistently failed” to respond to her emails even though she hadn’t responded to mine for a week. I also found out I missed an assignment for that class. There are four assignments total. I am going to fail this class and probably be kicked out of university. I don’t know what to do- I had such big dreams and so much potential but I’ve ruined it all. I’m Catholic and I don’t believe in suicide, but I see no other option going forward right now. I don’t know what to do. I just cut myself for the first time in my life.

Sorry for the wall of text but I’m too ashamed to tell anyone else this. I know what I’ve done wrong but I don’t know how to fix it ",2.7844531250000024,4.472075622395838,4.393125000000001,84.93937500000001,75.328125,7.3000000000000025,26.322916666666664,8.07648339933343,1.6011916666666663,1485,55,305,24,32,498,191,384,0.194,0.7559999999999999,0.051,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,0,3,39.0,0,0,1,6,21,17,2,1,23,0,28,3,0,6,3,48,63,27,1,4,15,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,15,11,0,0,10,2,1,7,11,14,0,5,17,4,51,3,44,42,5,53,0,10,1,1,26,23,0,4,25,214,66,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791554007152078,0.0,0.09434920392711696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511693170318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238021569635132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442261423315162,0.10905638937666966,0.0,0.0,0.1990068204348659,0.0,0.0,0.32737124468724715,0.0,0.12976494930812602,0.0,0.0,0.11991706618104757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498058601958418,0.11776954924174148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167327957175382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892111098155588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891372589162147,0.0,0.2828124478091156,0.0,0.0,0.0703000575612862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381730347683652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106902922080811,0.0,0.2334034373898154,0.0,0.0,0.055608482973492634,0.0,0.18147031009822784,0.0,0.08512669328266798,0.11734620493677475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996124981925675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676411289422276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29247255719321724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517898365649472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606275947921317,0.0,0.07104694075807494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824279948714112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021283337295178,0.0,0.11168681000970704,0.0,0.14424774746334826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475614609909048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908958702554412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077190421127228,0.08481581228491546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914652927639033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642384682883157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002672079629776,0.0,0.09302986569960436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457295362920564,0.08449839520723038,0.1241275222993044,0.0,0.10088900242992924,0.10170427984632636,0.23650890510058425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878209510443613,0.0,0.0,0.2561299210348188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560917028223749,0.11637119542502405,0.0,0.13708275131159214
suicidewatch,justusernamee,2019/03/19,"Might end it tomorrow I walk past a multi-story car park on the way to and from school, it'd be easy to get to the top. I'm  tired of being told I'm useless and never going to get anywhere in life by my parents. What's worse is I think they're right. I have no commitment or dedication, I never study and I'm doing awful in my mock exams. I really can't imagine another 70 or so years of life. ",2.386206896551723,2.839549172413797,5.120172413793107,84.17956896551726,74.51724137931033,8.098850574712644,23.69540229885057,8.344100000000001,1.260664367816092,306,8,69,5,6,111,64,87,0.191,0.726,0.083,-0.8591,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,1,8,3,0,0,3,11,16,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,11,11,0,15,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,3,6,40,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248292694827337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097237427665738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247423745364498,0.0,0.1345719855319056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345005062960095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511944776276805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652507574818071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629248729655592,0.0,0.2260407851765318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516923527938142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221552049430244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396419343008379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172408598855064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721527877295111,0.0,0.2262609272327413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879511648224576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130703702362105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248360475213799
suicidewatch,narniaspot,2019/03/19,"I am a narcissistic teenager but I want to kill myself because of others For the last 3 years, I've had suicidal thoughts every once in a while. I've been depressed since I guess hormones kicked in, the last year I've used various drugs to try and change how I think, and it works, but I can't get a job and I'm worried if I continue doing what I'm doing to get money I will get in serious trouble. I hope this isn't taken the wrong way as I'm grateful that I live in a first world country and I'm a fully functional human being besides my broken arm at the moment. 
I'm waiting for the moment I do something stupid trying to get money and end up dying. 
I constantly think very high of myself and I feel that others lack basic common sense and knowledge, I also constantly feel like no one is on my side and think someone's always trying to plan something against me. This includes my mom, my family, and few close friends. They make me want to kill myself and have been for a while

My mom has been doing small things and I don't know if it's in purpose but it just pushes me more slowly and makes it worse than anyone else 

My family are a very conservative Christian family, which I have nothing against at a point blank perspective as I am a Christian, but they are such ignorant, hypocritical people who are always on their high horse 
My ""friends"" I feel are using me for stuff they cannot afford and suspect one of them even stole from me, I'm in a place in life where it feels common to everyone and you just have to go with it, but I don't want to.

I just want to understand why and how I can stop thinking like this and how I can better myself, 
",5.6363623660922215,5.19308120943953,6.4403974538115225,80.66685607824873,67.28908554572271,9.142741810277908,29.641515292656425,8.532816995589336,2.043096755162241,1306,40,266,17,19,433,170,339,0.16699999999999998,0.738,0.095,-0.986,2,0,3,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,5,4,11,14,3,0,15,0,28,3,1,7,0,59,62,31,4,8,10,2,4,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,18,18,0,4,13,0,2,2,6,8,0,3,6,4,43,6,36,54,4,40,2,1,0,0,12,21,0,4,18,183,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681362015418533,0.15984772853518314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716255281054899,0.09841774017628717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058553071204686113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495115108884796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161143142649466,0.0,0.0,0.20759853032342032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273038435959014,0.0,0.09968794101499097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139108779912124,0.0,0.08024003016167383,0.0,0.08507452632589409,0.0,0.0,0.06344215904258449,0.0,0.0809288697798776,0.0917828423070228,0.0,0.0,0.2716509099380891,0.0,0.1942693104308764,0.06862034560220713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170270799208372,0.0,0.0,0.14842075577884534,0.0,0.20073509714245105,0.0,0.054589183727302086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581330608132952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202970723318598,0.0,0.09540238993256447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953178690814028,0.0,0.2125370219074928,0.0,0.052788265423161326,0.1565921742917846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784513702050994,0.09385337440454401,0.0,0.08481663690172732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823236484930134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249924326519009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216552896238726,0.0,0.0,0.1022934043971898,0.13017611725461686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659111734008373,0.0,0.10035503360352796,0.0,0.09080121571524401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945610737563033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138547016479013,0.14789272048197358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030468294161536,0.0,0.0,0.1099578058091708,0.10506648874967284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381340391270042,0.24618776257625416,0.0,0.07625542301877725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564122596217134,0.0,0.0,0.09999465260146498,0.0,0.1659180567902281,0.0,0.15850771497790678,0.2266184009401278,0.07624247073192669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667297225072969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992779239997887,0.0975465738789976,0.09788630320573086,0.0,0.10501897358610043,0.0,0.12371007951342525
suicidewatch,NickButNotCage,2019/03/19,How can i kill myself without hurting other people? They’re the only reason I’m still here...but i don’t want to be here anymore. I feel so so so insignificant. I do every fucking thing wrong. When i think i do good i end up fucking it up and feel like shit after. This is beyond feeling bad for myself. I mean do i need to spend another 31 years proving to you that i fucking suck? I genuinely feel so worthless. I will never love and accept myself. I was fucking trash at everything my whole life. Not good in school not good at sports not good with people no good with the opposite sex just nothing. I’m not even good at video games. I used to love them because i was able to escape reality but i always lose. I lose so much i don’t even play online with my “friends” anymore. I suck at my job..but most importantly i suck as a parent. I don’t know why I’m here..the world would be 110% better off without me. ,0.7138095238095232,2.9378289523809533,2.779259259259259,91.16666666666669,84.87301587301587,5.0814814814814815,20.640211640211643,6.42735559955562,0.2609640211640216,708,22,150,7,21,238,109,189,0.2,0.634,0.166,-0.8668,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,1,3,13,28,9,0,3,0,14,9,1,3,2,30,36,11,1,3,8,1,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,10,4,1,0,11,15,0,0,2,4,30,13,22,30,3,16,0,4,0,7,7,10,8,1,7,98,35,1,0.10504861584097018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740886364884662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015263306680324,0.0,0.0,0.20835999901824376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771120634359507,0.06403666119065445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290696402612064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304189355400863,0.0,0.0,0.13876724005173818,0.0,0.08850798955566752,0.0,0.0944109223440124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246294610774372,0.07504675214649502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116030001437513,0.3884630104565312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286587698175099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245671592490916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424454195482824,0.0,0.11622072918074,0.0,0.057731972007555137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419894402512943,0.05132144748935414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235045061461526,0.0,0.0,0.18962095433653395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442873870781765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722281969176728,0.07789221757990125,0.08101996857830178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079698007624743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989420601898188,0.0,0.0,0.11664405622586364,0.0,0.0,0.1456549667397388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080074729067794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063148075089998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783089457158307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389196030742778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978963257956207,0.06731091135369498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907282758144826,0.0,0.0,0.0619603953387907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479003652950617,0.11728302808409595,0.0,0.20252623400419414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462352270139475,0.11485417061411432,0.0,0.06764786444742564
suicidewatch,fasdgkjhfasdgkjh,2019/03/19,"I want to be considerate, but I can’t go on Look, I can’t do this anymore. I’m bipolar, I don’t have a job, I was just dumped for the fifth time and all the heartache just gets worse for every time. I just know that I’m done. But I love my friends and family and I really don’t want them to suffer. I’ve written up different personalised suicide notes, and I hope they can offer some relief. I’ve chosen a method that won’t be painful and won’t make my corpse look bad. I’ve chosen a time in a couple of weeks so I can make sure I get to meet everyone one last time. 

It really pains me to cause this much suffering. But I already suffer so much every day. I know I deserve it more than they do, but they’re a lot stronger than me too. I hope they will all be okay. ",0.20649524480450765,2.066069550898206,2.302254314899613,96.05333920394509,84.02994011976048,5.845579429376541,18.80556533990842,7.048011613610866,0.03976956674885557,593,15,144,8,17,199,90,167,0.233,0.585,0.182,-0.9427,2,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,4,0,6,14,1,0,7,1,17,4,0,3,3,27,34,11,1,4,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,3,2,23,7,12,25,7,11,0,3,2,1,8,3,0,4,7,88,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144840332990132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509272828627928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215644355573947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029292791924706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188088995332495,0.0,0.09435298379614887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285493245134374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971821233862445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465322660832014,0.13979827077193174,0.0,0.0,0.1379209392823552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303291815227515,0.0,0.15287399452001488,0.0,0.08314705990908479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906227090999898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518261732046944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080801242833262,0.1192560321306012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24571443940082616,0.0,0.0,0.1243811201894497,0.1320436827345479,0.0,0.19531605703559804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509828465792755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913833365022734,0.0,0.3113522663697872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874502051172744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600311460626777,0.0,0.13788833771122272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412405652715301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258596367365986,0.0,0.11735500907704248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909470633566452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,realityuponillusion,2019/03/19,"What do I do I’m a single mom, but I have depression and I want to kill myself. I won’t do it, I love my son so so so much. He is my world. But I just want the thoughts to go away. 

If I commit myself, will it be held against me for custody? I would never hurt my child and I only want to just get these thoughts taken care of. ",-1.356499999999997,0.25073273333333645,1.439583333333335,101.43937500000004,88.33333333333334,4.283333333333334,16.041666666666668,5.148860815047168,-1.0624333333333331,245,5,66,1,8,85,50,75,0.134,0.624,0.242,0.7441,0,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,2,16,21,8,1,5,5,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,15,2,7,13,2,4,0,2,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237217252552424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574245074845345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746430392593832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191259327362378,0.0,0.14349261076250272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702895984159512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793364003164279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278768821290056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957064876103012,0.0,0.0,0.18560496588725225,0.0,0.19473140924126506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202564011429296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400888563874636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467652350349081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793575583054703,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fuckdoesithurt956,2019/03/19,"I cried in public 3 hours ago I just broke. I'm so tired. 

I'm a walk away from the ocean. The sound cars driving near me makes me think of it, the hiss of the waves, the crash hitting the sand. 

I keep thinking I should go in and drown. ",-0.8833974358974359,1.0255354038461597,0.4976923076923079,106.93064102564104,89.19230769230771,3.466666666666667,14.435897435897436,3.1291,-1.696125641025641,179,3,48,0,6,56,38,52,0.278,0.722,0.0,-0.9324,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,9,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,7,7,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30645635092605783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32481153708733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797527629793809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647835459245228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404605944139884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30728824166205065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076809663384684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430416724438745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973496543094818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AdorkableEgg,2019/03/19,"I feel hopeless. I'm 22. In College, about to graduate in less than two months, and I feel like my life is a hopeless wreck. I don't think I can get out of this and I feel like I've fucked up everything in my life as of right now. I want to die. I go to counseling and it helps, but once i graduate I don't think I'll be able to continue it. I have to hide everything from my mother and I want to go NC with her, but I can't drive, and I'm a failure, and I'm am a mediocre student and who would ever want to hire me. What the hell am i supposed to do. 

I reached out to my professor on Thursday and I cried big time and I talked to him again on Tuesday. I feel like he understands, he got out of a similar situation (My mom gambles, his used prescription drugs) I think he believes I can do it. But I didn't mention I was pretty suicidal. I didn't mention my self harm habits. 

My anxiety is biting me in the ass for opening up to him and now I feel like maybe he thinks I'm just crying for attention and don't want to do my work or something and I. am super anxious and i feel like dying would solve that. 

I should never have told him. ",0.3546102150537642,2.0813528750000003,2.7617741935483866,93.66682795698924,82.75,6.391397849462368,22.833333333333336,7.492282038375204,0.7973704301075273,875,31,210,14,24,301,123,248,0.208,0.6809999999999999,0.111,-0.9854,0,0,2,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,2,0,6,0,23,5,1,1,2,45,49,18,3,7,5,2,6,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,18,0,0,12,0,1,3,7,5,0,1,5,6,41,6,33,40,1,27,1,2,0,2,18,14,3,1,15,135,48,7,0.11035536021829524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442154851109204,0.12467014564223453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433270076334292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424403626225858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290628820843237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797718234514266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982274128105408,0.0,0.0,0.1983605640189988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347939156036351,0.3941894569499685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202175227923012,0.05765612096453567,0.0,0.12543498870466274,0.0,0.08826126272058178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396887176316619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589450903582053,0.26957027369051395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086679210783944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292468641283738,0.08808459567469384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511285699250845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752485702314737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227107481015124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424287465498003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512470831745104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404404859370485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495694777113967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207108526790672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869945835671622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28284503549495393,0.0,0.0,0.06434909799758648,0.0,0.0,0.10544927586364768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078011516722758,0.11488382187805365,0.0,0.095311599104261,0.0,0.0,0.26036180266217124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034001656491571,0.0,0.0,0.1567865632982241,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wazmar,2019/03/19,Am I the only one living for other people? Do you ever feel like you're just there because you know you would hurt people if you killed yourself? I just feel like if nobody loved me I could just leave everything but I can't because I know it would change them and they would never be over it. And the thought of being there and only living for other people is awful. I don't wanna live on autopilot for the rest of my life ,2.9204926108374387,4.459415827586209,4.041050903119871,88.22689655172415,74.63218390804597,5.890968801313631,19.32512315270936,6.18269132825596,0.0240916256157635,335,6,67,2,7,109,53,87,0.119,0.813,0.068,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,2,0,6,5,1,0,3,1,11,2,0,0,2,21,17,6,1,7,6,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,14,3,8,10,1,4,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,2,4,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672006451736635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936823148659914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537702066972535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337350756714355,0.0,0.0,0.15238639550547475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146566166285493,0.2422623097002804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815136762220908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875890793475986,0.0,0.1863675706418356,0.0,0.0,0.17953578829131386,0.0,0.0,0.1197627281841617,0.16567342423643142,0.0,0.4491643296859521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303130732249015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077237960483967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489583212221402,0.2579106267523206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35264725973222544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460887398319005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613440911937359,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_nuni_,2019/03/19,"Why do I still feel suicidal? I don't want to feel this way anymore, I don't want to feel this way anymore.

On Saturday 19th, a girl my age committed suicide, she went to another school near by. I didn't know her but some of my friends did. We only found out yesterday. At school I could hear people ask ""how could it get that bad?""and ""why would she do it?"".One of my friends said that ""she barely lived a full life as she was only 16"" and that she really must have suffered, I agreed. My other friend turned to me and told me that the people who bullied her were posting ""RIP ❤️💔"" on their snapchat stories. 
Not only do I feel sympathy for those that knew her, for those that had to witness her death and for the girl but I feel somewhat guilty. 

When I was 14, I was definitely at my lowest, I had suicidal thoughts everyday. I distracted myself from these thoughts and feelings with YouTube/ Netflix -it helped a lot, it made me forget. I used to think about how everyone would react if I died (and of course I told myself that they wouldn't care about my death). 
After seeing the amount of pain her death caused, through her family, my friends and her friends, I told myself that I will never do it, that there is help and a future out there. I know I'm suffering inside but I don't want to hurt others.

However, I still feel guilty,  even after thinking all that. I feel guilty for feeling sad, lonely, self hatred and suicidal. I feel disgusting. I want this feeling to stop. I wish I was happy. I wish I was loved. I wish  I didn't understand what it was like to feel this way.",3.253037974683547,4.782406227848104,3.9028911392405057,89.5940075949367,73.74683544303798,7.334481012658228,25.298227848101266,7.976525956113202,1.2815409113924048,1232,40,261,18,25,390,157,316,0.255,0.575,0.17,-0.9889,2,2,0,0,0,1,51.0,1,0,2,0,10,17,1,1,7,0,28,3,0,6,4,65,71,16,8,14,5,0,12,1,5,5,2,2,0,3,26,12,0,1,21,1,0,1,8,8,0,0,22,15,57,9,33,42,6,25,0,5,1,1,33,8,0,4,13,178,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232101682886761,0.0,0.0,0.15571490674436644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339307482545725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655497330609649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004271245830717,0.08064790541779493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253622663749434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147745780212931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185286990219639,0.0,0.0,0.07501642209568128,0.0,0.0,0.07400903702104512,0.0,0.4763435591622925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607843644472621,0.3032700280195497,0.0,0.041016459062914325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357173716110643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848264561888923,0.0,0.10524264032504184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404294065816192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629035016013502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545153438204735,0.03835435998965882,0.0,0.06932276746532258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674350520463516,0.07085527299005655,0.07428484458509675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605491308842688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912342433690934,0.08353655916297784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885318520637126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518762304396659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029333922141326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467775589312171,0.0,0.0,0.15890574404696226,0.06255959714150719,0.0,0.08189950705731999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539094679808868,0.06563503417835569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34349391978040894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006077206153298,0.0,0.12465094469674368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250492662870438,0.0,0.0,0.08539263873478183,0.0,0.08172814088465583,0.0,0.06780449738000002,0.0,0.0,0.185220910491156,0.1869446583571169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727764061493458,0.14167999393391004,0.0,0.27083615204795825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153767453575733,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,duva403,2019/03/19,"I feel like an alien, and not the fun interesting kind I've tried everything.  I've been abandoned by everyone, including my only child (he had good reason though). I've been chewed up and spit out - after 35 years - by the mental health system. I've ingested more psych drugs, that we're by prescription, than anyone I've ever met. I've had electroshock therapy, transcranial magnetic stimulation. After the electric shock therapy didn't work, the doctor told me, you have borderline personality disorder, that's why the ECT didn't work. After the transcranial magnetic stimulation didn't work, the doctor told me, at some point you're just going to need a complete personality makeover. The borderline diagnosis stole whatever tiny amount of self-regard I had left. If I read what people say about borderline on the internet for 5 minutes it's enough to make me suicidal. I have so much unresolved trauma at this point. I've been hospitalized over 30 times and different hospitals. I can't work anymore. I'm not well physically. I just lost my cat. The veterinarian thought he would do better and a different home and I followed her advice as I'd been having a lot of trouble caring for him and keeping him safe. But now I feel like there's nothing standing between me and just ending it.today I finally got myself out of the house and walked to a local animal shelter to see about volunteering oh, but there was a sign on the gate saying that it was by appointment only. I called their phone number from outside but it went to voicemail. I could see people inside the building, sitting at a counter. And then I just walked for about an hour just thinking about my life and what I would do when I got home, wondering if I really should just end it.
I know the thing with the animal shelter is not a big deal and then I could call and make an appointment. The thing is being this emotionally raw and drained and close to the edge all the time oh, it doesn't take much to put me over the edge. The best metaphor I can think of is someone who is poor and just barely gets by. If they have one unexpected expense it can put them into a very bad situation very quickly. That's how it feels.
I literally have no one in my life at this point and I know that trying to make friends is not a good idea because I always lose them because I am basically an alien.",5.4949311827957,6.712605664444448,6.1717347670250895,76.66912903225808,67.91111111111111,9.806451612903226,30.51612903225807,10.011982343527217,3.0262301075268816,1879,72,349,45,31,614,236,450,0.086,0.848,0.066,-0.7819,3,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,4,8,21,20,0,0,33,0,35,9,1,7,2,70,64,29,1,9,17,0,3,2,1,3,7,2,3,3,20,21,2,3,11,1,2,7,10,7,1,2,20,7,40,13,45,38,9,46,0,3,2,0,24,20,0,7,18,229,60,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811315548458125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908386460465467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233898348701545,0.058053357997460524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693228220846663,0.10122314481061648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713013691959423,0.0734293051720131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955663065197452,0.0,0.08465002763261675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705065406244136,0.0,0.0,0.13257820714476634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559564185237925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348794674516085,0.09515441264568623,0.16996022870632388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962832177622833,0.0,0.0,0.09339250928886783,0.14707189427992612,0.08578753259821538,0.0,0.0,0.07510131540848529,0.0,0.07933442043967635,0.07461796326075887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594055788248787,0.1186268634067971,0.0,0.0909503737971613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414529309053921,0.0,0.043377395473402004,0.0,0.047185303314028544,0.13927569566574527,0.13280614907712746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825222094901458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665626861134553,0.0,0.08176339041122865,0.09580027641397301,0.0,0.09372568030534728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379687659607141,0.0,0.08645827890135158,0.09125728378193554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020744550700106,0.0,0.11728672788684698,0.08112412818711252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288429413311028,0.0906321377403938,0.07058530859774359,0.0,0.0,0.1662604920138222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367017325155802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206658678020935,0.06156235407274061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966520365852436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252045107664058,0.12628926360340714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511885158086448,0.14498932321550098,0.0,0.0,0.2354577928592561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669271127236063,0.0,0.0,0.08304796495886656,0.0,0.05318825941895421,0.08536403887549354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320504153552939,0.0,0.0,0.1323211436512069,0.0,0.08661370064277868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332413735014723,0.0,0.0,0.07034723424816143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081641822231172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062424841153736386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989378331013448,0.0,0.11031690212343086,0.10639877221275228,0.08157212933785743,0.06591297064368809,0.09682567004169214,0.0,0.07869846331550072,0.1586688408793527,0.0,0.11273772516143447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370094604493137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464989283648686,0.07696546759023902,0.07491759732493769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090037609952926,0.2417742028132352,0.0,0.0,0.11795786201582895,0.0,0.0,0.053465698021823584
suicidewatch,Pange97,2019/03/19,"Its getting harder to justify living I love my friends and family, i love their talents and skills, , i love that theyre happy, but im just not. Ive never felt romantic love, i hate myself and everything I am except for my sense of humor, ive been abused and walked all over my whole life, the only people ive ever been interested in either used me as the punchline to a joke, used me as nothing more than a second best or just just arent interested. I just want to know peace and the only way i see of achieving it is suicide or being killed because after 22 years on Earth, ive been happy for about 6 months of it",9.142890625,5.230693132812501,9.604937500000002,71.79631250000001,62.984375,12.115000000000002,35.75625,9.3871,3.10047625,483,13,99,6,5,165,84,128,0.158,0.5489999999999999,0.293,0.9653,1,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,1,3,6,15,2,0,5,0,11,5,0,2,3,23,23,10,2,1,10,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,2,18,13,17,18,5,10,0,0,1,4,6,3,0,2,5,72,22,1,0.0,0.18261400472890027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395372636949803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174563748234516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394157127024597,0.0,0.0,0.13851843302373484,0.0,0.14529619446221725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798504720156785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907729850115625,0.0,0.08052442852975003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281398019177728,0.0,0.15216743086755227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648243479911792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051748771537076,0.0,0.08470357135922876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886369080185744,0.0,0.0,0.13609600540318362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564186179106355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230218337675145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887140610919315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478879708728098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443940490486434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685150220965084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281839836891367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858873380156153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662306073226153,0.0,0.0,0.09090745709047432,0.12233797622401422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207607835130928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925203512487137
suicidewatch,EclipticOkami,2019/03/19,"idk what to do can I talk with someone? idk where to start with my problems on why I want to end my life, like there's different reasons from different sources and if u just write them all down here it'll just be a mess of words stories that lead everywhere and nowhere, how do I explain my problems when they can be so intricate, like now I'm starting to just feel overwhelmed by my own feelings and feel out of touch with everyone and everything, I want to end my life but I have no idea why I'm not downing the rest of my pills this moment, what is wrong with me, why is this my reality",4.147049180327868,4.669953991803278,4.672254098360657,88.7267418032787,70.55737704918033,8.395081967213113,30.82377049180328,8.472884824447931,2.017422950819672,465,19,104,7,8,148,79,122,0.122,0.8079999999999999,0.07,-0.8096,2,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,2,1,10,7,0,1,2,0,10,3,0,3,1,30,20,9,0,5,6,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,4,15,2,18,17,3,13,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,9,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596676876102037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049030732135796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447267999170082,0.1546947255050667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610945029885593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430801584524346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431537579287543,0.1681830244801509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32940049012557954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697302344880447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584083532313344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436617236786586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834744250501418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304740407458846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659477415584374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819151381153013,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TriborgPierot94,2019/03/19,"""Why do you want to kill yourself?"" - someone asked me that last week I was going to write this when I was a bit drunk but I need to get it off my chest now I suppose. So yeah someone, I won't elaborate on who, asked me this question. And all I could think was ""is it that obvious?""

I crave social interaction but the fact is i genuinely don't like other people. They're too happy or too cringy for me to tolerate. I don't get people my own age and it's not like anyone else would get it. I'm fine most of the time by myself but those moments where you just want a friend to actually like you hit hard.

I've never had a relationship go longer than 3 months and my last real relationship ended when she cheated on me with my best friend(well former best friend, I won't ever speak to that rat ever again). 

I want to know what it's like to have someone like you. To find you attractive, but I hate the person I see. But that's the sad part isn't it? It dosent matter if you're dumb or smart or if you're ugly or pretty, it's all the same when you're dead. 

And I won't go to a therapist, there's nothing I hate more than the idea of paying some quack to dig about in my head for a solution that doesn't solve the overarching problem. The only comfort I have is alcohol and I will keep it close to me till the end.

I'm tired now. I guess I have been for quite some time. ",1.7619823663253698,3.107683689419794,3.4681783276450524,91.94183518202505,77.29351535836177,6.658077360637089,20.740756541524465,7.333567415737692,0.35247906712173016,1063,25,249,13,24,355,153,293,0.19,0.648,0.162,-0.8768,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,5,0,3,15,21,5,0,14,1,22,5,2,0,7,48,44,21,2,9,13,0,1,5,2,5,2,1,0,1,20,7,2,1,5,1,1,3,9,7,0,0,5,3,36,14,27,32,12,30,0,1,1,0,19,6,1,11,26,162,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.10437700352221672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430713390759276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478854111239934,0.10959260628651384,0.0,0.0,0.19998531259751154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244947080382536,0.0,0.11677202767096262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539842515301434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935090379208971,0.0,0.1894686679849572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350190958009594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977590083780182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479098395830204,0.0,0.16764570922081246,0.0,0.1823625773873387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782790351083025,0.0,0.0,0.11386033369107325,0.0958146668595376,0.2112006450206176,0.1097712633966722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074421078468348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950704822193641,0.11833479473057508,0.0,0.05878212178725072,0.17437247059289387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612749462483643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537402023279689,0.0,0.0,0.07930908404551981,0.08249372911678317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263048623826107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134748883493713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158266716681121,0.0,0.14830444372648174,0.09339287453996883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881622307489826,0.0,0.10234575768602973,0.0,0.0,0.11981907362037413,0.11376455122848758,0.0,0.12174328147738896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296688623885073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523284124607299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903169938178256,0.2718792091721388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418817654300535,0.0,0.06853530290435847,0.0,0.0,0.12473784212388672,0.12293416448536153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926238156117528,0.0,0.08579642682898064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651427584642697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598093131225465,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akafkaluka,2019/03/19,Tomorrow its over Im finally gonna do it. Im just fucking done. I got sleeping pills. Im gonna drink 0.5l of rum and then take all the pills i got. Wish me luck. So i make it succesfuly. Im anxious as fuck luckily i got benzodiazepines. Cant help myself and nobody else could either. ,-0.8997996357012745,1.2326616065573788,2.3353005464480887,90.39162112932608,96.86885245901638,5.9897996357012735,19.892531876138435,7.3871296695380915,0.864965755919854,222,8,50,5,9,79,44,61,0.128,0.7240000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.3054,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,4,6,1,1,1,9,14,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,3,7,2,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,3,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846135359300138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047435783133407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672312780511879,0.0,0.16008544125086102,0.0,0.0,0.13651307706241372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790142116305253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30215086912778943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39209604783619945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953428260314584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7060691762705014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908143148312008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163533990900578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286847495777613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879203050901972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonegirlyrhusband,2019/03/19,"Don’t want my ex to think it’s her fault I’ve been so miserable for so long. BPD makes my life a personal hell. Everyone pushes me away and I deserve it. No amount of medication or therapy has helped. I went through a breakup recently but I don’t want anyone to think it’s because of that. I was already planning to do this around now, but now I can’t because Sydney would never be able to forgive herself if I committed suicide right after being dumped. It really isn’t because of her. I don’t know how long to wait before doing this to cause her the least amount of pain I can.",2.040295454545454,3.97745874166667,3.8078787878787885,87.19227272727277,78.25,7.03030303030303,25.90909090909091,8.00094639256281,1.5957499999999998,459,18,95,8,11,154,79,120,0.189,0.746,0.065,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,1,3,0,14,3,0,3,2,19,22,8,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,3,0,15,1,15,16,3,12,1,1,0,0,8,3,1,2,7,67,22,0,0.1845706195340277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036782682950004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290560686588505,0.0,0.0,0.16430698262900836,0.0,0.0,0.17341017274548098,0.0,0.0,0.3375376096361679,0.0,0.15705600295498168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232460234102268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960486857851835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636513656489708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371379569197635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143518555719776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036768697858078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32667838037787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232023217533125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859354813665314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423522402024113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963961523804582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611599457564409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182406650743197,0.0,0.18224122002440105,0.0,0.0,0.15762230060532798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189030074646566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107258892615327,0.0,0.0,0.2365308007248611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772906692205424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109881344195324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311136725271944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMankyLimeGreenfox,2019/03/19,"Too much stress and depression to handle. Adore my girlfriend. Met at 13 but didn't date until three years ago. I'm 41 she's 39

Love her to bits. We have a nice house, I have two girls from a previous relationship.

Sadly she wants to be a mum. She has three miscarriages and told she's basically starting early menopause (39).

So we consider adoption process. Only sent off the forms but everyone knows that were starting. 

I can't bring myself to tell her before but I do now: my dad was convicted of having indecent images of children eight years ago. The least serious kind. He's not a bad person. My family have had to live with this since.

My girlfriend is furious we didn't tell her at the beginning. We should have. She's right. The process is likely to fail, our relationship is breaking down, the conviction is rearing up old feelings of shame and embarrassment. Everyone will wonder why the adoption process failed.

I feel shame, embarrassment, guilt, heartbroken, depression, anxiety. I keep fantasising about suicide. I have nobody to talk to. Fuck this shit.",3.0249230769230766,6.0662278,3.7299487179487203,82.21338461538463,83.8205128205128,7.632820512820513,26.261538461538464,8.488131031819089,2.5080830769230764,851,36,149,22,25,269,126,195,0.287,0.625,0.087,-0.9949,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,5,0,0,2,4,21,3,6,10,0,21,3,1,0,0,19,37,8,1,2,4,2,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,16,0,4,8,2,24,5,20,26,4,21,0,5,0,2,30,6,2,1,13,95,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636797843617009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377780216181413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418307478060975,0.0,0.0,0.1265580077295458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237429569449713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562013200226119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842351759454944,0.0,0.0,0.140209110695806,0.0,0.15040439542725126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749819745965355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161408800394135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219777800898916,0.0,0.15487908009711895,0.08173794542240742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266181160994825,0.0,0.13133103697216264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423434777592652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093334317508512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606678569410634,0.0,0.0,0.11311562768532335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298650244307003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193600429579904,0.0,0.12701433859918024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266888465524772,0.12303073260855164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21054327352263194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036935200354836,0.0,0.0,0.1626861359111208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954328726207325,0.2599926009531434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211758797274718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452872912674941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772462184195076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420540755862004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612909993219213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155408207509292
suicidewatch,PsychoGuy21,2019/03/19,"I am just tired. 3 days from getting evicted from my apartment and all I can think about is 

I am tired. 

I want to die , but I don't want to kill myself 

I want friends, but I can't talk to people 

I want to be doing fucking something and not be in a shitty rut of feeling sorry for myself and not being able to anything about it. I want fucking something in my life to matter.  I want some kind of stability and somehow that is too much to ask for. Talking to people on the hotline is the same thing> It gets better. Really? REALLY!? When the fuck does it get better? I tried to make to be better and yet I am still fucking here.",1.5020737913486002,3.30270917557252,3.349942748091604,90.48893447837152,79.38167938931298,5.282697201017811,23.13040712468193,5.985473137389443,0.4064498727735368,486,16,103,3,12,163,74,131,0.086,0.66,0.253,0.9693,1,0,2,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,5,0,4,0,14,7,0,1,1,24,31,8,2,6,5,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,16,5,21,27,4,8,0,0,0,4,4,4,4,2,4,79,20,0,0.12683866348107045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437741269038724,0.0,0.11857702839382073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365354712430507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818004448444668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163850745095454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099736916295444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413343933144591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799523676856636,0.4690412021490226,0.1988038997882472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032818843036324,0.13208294955612734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958989908159895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466579279197786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324101190225627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758679175612983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251219143114634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529319984832047,0.0,0.1419854993327304,0.0,0.0,0.10129352050016384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038962262858091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426597200126297,0.08127309403791029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29156476990066177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611512659510917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488763799855344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ravenemi,2019/03/19,I want this pain to end. I don't deserve anything. I'm nothing. Why am I still here. It's pointless. I don't matter. I'm no one. My family knows how I'm feeling but I think they have enough of me. I'm useless. I can't do enything right. I'm a total failure. Everything I do is bad. I don't see a point in living. Everyday I do nothing. I'm wasting everyone's time. It will be the same without me. No one loves me. No one cares. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I hate waking up. Let me die. I attempted suicide once. I still want to die. I don’t have enough strength to attempt suicide again. I want this pain to end. I don't want to suffer anymore. Nothing's helping me. I take meds and they are not helping me. Talking about how I feel is not helping me. I think nothing can help me.,-2.147965116279071,-0.5891950116279041,0.8446220930232577,98.5805377906977,109.58139534883722,3.312790697674419,20.491279069767444,5.3872612403679225,-0.11484651162790672,606,26,140,5,32,209,88,172,0.233,0.534,0.233,-0.8722,0,1,0,0,0,3,30.0,0,0,2,3,8,9,1,0,3,0,19,6,3,2,2,23,40,5,4,5,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,13,6,0,3,0,3,30,3,12,37,4,13,0,2,1,1,8,5,0,0,8,91,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105767375873596,0.0,0.0,0.0917539196566903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309674690944153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136803430876784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314360688784132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750948544114413,0.23041589970262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065417742494568,0.1002078310098318,0.0,0.10511103961554873,0.0,0.11275417330337115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008187043931668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298940880241552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061276762806293315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401496241993556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845538397202744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006319188305415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238499064325382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599466161481949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42794399186049575,0.0,0.0,0.11874246345561125,0.22666318914190445,0.0,0.2372849298668634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540229941832532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521927006017664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885001829714217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157921069870752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780859920198289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439229347050679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838331369524115,0.08961842166189962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428877138912225,0.0,0.0,0.06501578143485863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288240741250253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061022311966587,0.0,0.0,0.10748075608349908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justhelp17,2019/03/19,I Wish I was Born Male The life of monthly bleeding one I do not know why God cursed us with. I have looked into transitioning but I know that wont make me happy. Nothing will make me happy. I am scared of death. I am scared of overdose or alcohol poisoning but I do not know what else to do. I need peace and rest. I deserve it,-1.1576103896103902,0.8852256285714262,1.2203896103896137,97.64733766233769,99.85714285714286,4.259740259740259,17.79220779220779,6.11248444174946,-0.25557142857142834,254,8,59,3,11,85,48,70,0.328,0.593,0.078,-0.9721,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,1,0,9,4,0,2,0,15,17,4,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,13,2,6,14,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266288313228993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714984368706185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514859830061624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496297153446541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978503116080974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807792080026535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28310487100896353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926515230744607,0.0,0.0,0.15724062371344144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347835134315315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436980941867766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42462032463397226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550834011462666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135216493778945,0.0,0.2438598073438284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidesoonplease,2019/03/19,"Please I am 26 going on 27 in a month

If anyone is out there i need help, real help.

I think i am the devil in a humans body. I want to die before i hurt something else that isn't just me.

​

I watch videos online that are dangerous videos with shooting and i think they are all warranted.

​

I don't feel bad for anything outside of myself. No one else has every cared for my ideas or anything i have said. Mostly because I don't think I have the ability to think my words into reality without being destroyed.

​

I used to think i was much better than other people at understanding what to think.

​

I cared about they way people thought about me so much that I would go out of my way for them regularly just to get them to see how simply amazing i was.

​

Genius!

​

No not at all i am a simple minded fearful fool, with an endless enamoring for sensations of information that are considered resentful, and the end of my existence is **warranted**. I have done things I can not even begin to regret because they would destroy people around me. I would do so many  heinous  things to people who I think deserve them, probably most of the people reading this too at this point. 

​

I think I have been evil for my whole life.

​

If my hatred is easy enough to have for me, why not you too?

​

I am a rambling fuck and please help me end my life.

​

I need a gun. I really need a gun. If i have one I will blast my brains out fast and easy, no one will suffer for my loss at all. You can clean the fucking body like an adult and then get on with the world without another loser you have wanted to kill since i was born.

​

I want my end of my  life to match my perceptions of it. That is my dream. If I am wrong that life is terrible, so fucking what. Go buy a fucking burger or something and shut the fuck up. People don't do shit for anything but themselves. 

​

I am just at the end of my rope and the idea of draining my blood into my bathtub like a stuck hog scares the shit out of me because survival in that condition is endless pain.

​

I wish i was that woman who got her brain popped open in that shooter video recently, better me than her. She wanted to live. I want to die. Why cant these psychos kill the people who want to be shot?",3.088189655172413,5.015907301724138,3.8874482758620696,87.85237931034484,75.1206896551724,6.364137931034484,25.393103448275863,7.1686216300943375,1.1152312068965515,1844,64,365,20,40,588,202,464,0.146,0.74,0.114,-0.9664,0,0,2,4,0,3,94.0,0,3,6,5,14,34,14,2,21,0,45,17,7,2,3,72,84,19,4,18,15,0,1,2,0,5,5,1,1,3,21,18,0,0,15,5,1,3,13,27,0,3,10,4,72,7,60,67,9,38,1,5,2,5,23,23,7,8,12,263,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636176661514014,0.5199320969834968,0.0,0.034513771892005767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023014616223846304,0.0,0.08125760183947366,0.02930092468646945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02748227149758267,0.06019320615929912,0.0,0.028007854812430708,0.0,0.0,0.0582204832385923,0.0,0.0731212822471681,0.0,0.07348703880721255,0.0,0.0,0.06711714762091388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832020548942239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368300877018686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054991760220011225,0.0,0.11661007462530112,0.03400952516174857,0.0,0.021739747547951604,0.0,0.02773192503071402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03703801561677319,0.016642583688896175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521448393708341,0.034392984111410924,0.0,0.05611828589961949,0.0,0.02632476964821493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618578015821748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03523570279797622,0.0743130332836504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283013804370872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299407040621334,0.032160769697459686,0.0,0.029064147594222725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337018402274298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03323430909655357,0.0,0.026272077004306657,0.0,0.0483919577679596,0.07321715754406376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691124565893941,0.0,0.03502339813887016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973161557386484,0.0,0.0,0.07226057603890575,0.031114885377269218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03548744812328478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03292345365763955,0.0374639598441007,0.021085901321938296,0.0,0.03249914384200088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031309271090031884,0.0,0.032953203049481634,0.0,0.02622863211087788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757261800355703,0.027227253005839214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050678451931305823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373392432329992,0.16872249899976866,0.0,0.02613047334151604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034265203714801136,0.0,0.02842760021648307,0.0,0.0,0.11648311392236685,0.05225206995340784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940051739716826,0.03674791573655178,0.037850104108585685,0.0634568965621422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014464843700709,0.035986889600877835,0.5199320969834968,0.0
suicidewatch,nemo198-46a,2019/03/19,"I don't know what is real anymore Everything I knew... is constantly shifting between real and fake. The whole my life - relationships, emotions, people - seems to be a lie. I don't know what is happening or what should I do anymore, or if there is any sense in continuing to exist, feel, or think.",7.247976190476187,6.763551178571429,7.915000000000003,71.56333333333335,64.0,11.038095238095238,36.52380952380953,10.504223727775694,3.837316666666668,230,10,42,5,3,77,39,56,0.061,0.939,0.0,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,14,16,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,13,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327841946829227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470686460412846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24357524373249295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25354249536464396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025732550524287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139680386085222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993187723442893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24774577347210594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920532539503024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626264416477975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131047079894578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24199317847369856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051939411015276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442598456753913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516489000587282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alnbkr,2019/03/19,"I'm tired I'm tired of worrying about everything around me. 
I used to be an alcoholic and a drug addict. 
Couple months sober. 
I'm tired of worrying about my girlfriend. I'm tired of worrying about my mental health and side effects of my past benzodiazepine use. 

I'm tired of the feeling I get even when I'm going to pick up a cup of water. It's such a straining task. It makes me sick at my stomach to think of anything. 
I can hardly see straight. 

I dont miss the alcohol or the drugs. 

I dont look into anything and feel okay. 
Nothing seems to make me feel warm inside. 

I'm burnt out and turned into someone I dispise. 

I'm only 22 and I just can't handle panic and this constant dull sickening feeling. 

I want to disappear and not feel anything. 

I'm afraid for my family and my girlfriend 24 7 

Nonsense and worry. 

Not sure what to do. ",1.1421878824969411,3.458867447674418,3.033549571603426,89.43727662178703,83.82558139534882,5.946634026927785,23.5875152998776,7.273561745256523,1.0822046511627903,659,25,135,10,19,220,98,172,0.238,0.684,0.077,-0.9834,0,0,4,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,4,7,1,6,14,1,6,1,32,33,11,0,1,4,0,7,0,2,0,12,0,0,0,4,13,3,0,8,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,0,9,17,3,23,32,0,14,0,2,2,0,2,8,0,2,4,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077235983334241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120766618166067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439504769780852,0.0879668411490185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678456724301867,0.0,0.0,0.10933759062919347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162231301750044,0.0,0.2291894665502135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652667770602311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880909670582247,0.0,0.09315456075634376,0.0,0.2498207021340897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051627076659568484,0.0,0.056159187171393565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851937530747603,0.0,0.0,0.10503637036266293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298022328217837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192037116687347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958289107575094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788736754632126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481624084370616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515372260341714,0.0,0.1159388248487202,0.0,0.0,0.09433067895165992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874324578975077,0.08995801816986168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372614389781424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313254100318216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331705153759107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5678700245414194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074830057699812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068991639338496,0.0,0.0,0.058284005758605276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014081857508322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Psyc_Survey,2019/03/19,"Identifying Contingencies Between Evolutionary Mechanisms - Depression and Suicide Survey Hello, [r/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help)SuicideWatch members,   I’m a senior psychology major and I am working on a research project for my senior honors thesis. My project is on personal factors (e.g., personality, background) associated with depression and suicidality. The main goal of our study is to better understand certain understudied factors surrounding these experiences. We thought that the members of [r/s](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help)uicidewatch might be interested in helping us better understand these questions.

If you are interested in participating in this study, please follow this link to our survey: [https://roanoke.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_3wqW7ukmxT2qZxj](https://roanoke.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3wqW7ukmxT2qZxj). Obviously, given the nature of our research question, this survey does include some questions about your past experiences with depression and suicidality; these questions are minimally intrusive, but if you are uncomfortable answering them, you are under no obligation to do so. The survey takes most people around 15 minutes to complete, and should take no more than 20 minutes. All of the information you provide will be completely anonymous.   Thank you in advance!",15.481333333333332,18.94311357777778,11.893333333333338,36.51000000000005,46.55555555555557,14.222222222222225,50.0,13.160352788161607,8.278833333333333,1124,63,103,37,12,330,118,180,0.102,0.8,0.098,-0.596,0,0,0,0,0,2,73.0,5,6,1,6,3,10,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,0,3,29,22,9,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,9,0,0,10,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,15,7,22,15,6,14,0,3,0,0,21,9,0,9,3,80,22,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818703102598584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496595393762716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548427613143116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140195706392344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635129452423583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377583639480445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814586698551382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892360659770122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601367011869118,0.08425326131138647,0.2122297637351907,0.0,0.13340290904687271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445634650540421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988006817705502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275013629207532,0.0,0.0,0.11188804622401084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648085718699967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530330149694391,0.14618503885218606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847493181282604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beabytanky,2019/03/19,Hello.This is my first post. I will kill myself today.Goodbye.,-0.6975000000000016,-1.6538390833333292,1.313333333333336,90.99000000000002,148.16666666666666,1.2000000000000002,11.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.4725666666666668,49,1,8,0,4,16,12,12,0.37,0.63,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4384736959888837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703109224927904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936948596719942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886222008307855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,divideByNulls,2019/03/19,"People who have survived hanging, could you explain it? It may sound weird, but I have been depressed for years but have gotten better. But recent month it have struck me hard again. I think about hanging before I go to sleep, wake up because I dream I do it and because of it deprive myself of sleep which make it worse. Because hanging have been the thing I am focusing on this time I would like to speak to someone who have survived it and can explain it so I can get over it. It seem so nice in my head, but I know it is going to be horrible. But afraid my mind will trick me until I have put myself in the point of no return",4.559709302325583,4.7442239147286855,4.968517441860467,88.16114825581398,69.54263565891473,7.07015503875969,27.752906976744185,5.985473137389443,0.9929604651162792,491,15,104,2,8,156,78,129,0.17800000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.139,-0.6028,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,4,8,1,1,2,0,19,4,4,1,0,17,29,10,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,16,2,0,0,5,1,0,6,1,5,0,0,3,3,17,3,15,21,0,19,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,2,8,80,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705615222906193,0.0,0.17242200536589292,0.0,0.0,0.1792085209773735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178244067942651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745237072239987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058650748284872,0.0,0.2303169939839971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151541588322845,0.0,0.20795539117914252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135937359520548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899409366556533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525615692976167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459711247983245,0.0,0.16173620695145915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047715064232652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154951242811927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369769884205932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20007128683862546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844654576855604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055498508932131,0.0,0.17168654633091665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461743116071842,0.1298362183694149,0.0,0.0,0.11815436003491135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064958437478384,0.1439415362843905,0.0,0.0,0.13048616820040115
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayPet527,2019/03/19,"Normal life but struggling every day Throwaway because this is tough for me to admit. 
 
Every day I have a tight chest and an overwhelming feeling of dread. I lie all the time, it's like a compulsion I can't stop. They build and build and it feels like Im living my life on them. 
  
I don't know what to do anymore. I constantly think about how to kill myself. My brain won't shut up, it's like a comfort blanket to remind myself that I can get out. I think about little lies Ive told and internally berate myself for being so stupid.  
  
What stops me is people. My partner adores me. My parents are intense but supportive, they have suffered through loss before and I don't think they can take another. I have more than once wished for a random accident to take me. Another horrible horrible thought is hoping my parents die first. I can't bare the thought of people talking after I'm dead and all these lies unravelling and breaking hearts. I really needed to get this down. I know I need help but I can't bring myself to make that first step. ",2.5600000000000023,4.846048543689323,3.6638932038834966,87.1397233009709,78.12621359223301,6.4500970873786425,23.89223300970874,7.554174236665415,1.1974512621359228,824,28,160,12,20,266,117,206,0.255,0.607,0.138,-0.989,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,4,3,4,15,2,3,7,0,18,5,3,2,2,34,41,12,3,5,3,2,3,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,10,8,0,3,10,0,0,2,6,8,0,2,3,3,32,7,21,36,3,18,0,3,0,0,11,6,0,2,12,104,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679964458518047,0.0,0.0,0.12673264732743664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789917102074062,0.0,0.1087392819473807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265512096251268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380948350325326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648270531674805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262511779588412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533599306720527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922821916918542,0.0912927012638212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173950261459076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335292696048479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143093546684674,0.0856544739291913,0.0,0.0,0.12692360855273885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380343724671692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137992659628104,0.0,0.1404593143103308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805227231620708,0.1872941908902309,0.12807844978755467,0.11284029287404715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530034987293954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950829308155734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520638150240546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609143362564952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28378978902221474,0.0,0.0,0.1771860205249911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186509764193915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367515320817515,0.0,0.13359312211411345,0.0,0.0,0.14501378296697168,0.0,0.0,0.1921632996515024,0.10271219855393306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456466700922548,0.0,0.20290085957176032,0.07451496832950097,0.0,0.0,0.12210815218642583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469513881004018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingKiller666,2019/03/19,"Peers that fail you Therapy for years has told me to look to my friend groups for support. What happens when they all fail you? When they all are too busy? When you are very blunt and very honest about being ready to die and they just move on with their days?

I don't have a support group. I had people that meant nothing, and won't miss me when I'm gone. ",2.4309909909909915,3.889397324324329,2.4551351351351367,99.4274774774775,75.75675675675676,5.473873873873874,19.09009009009009,5.46131890053228,-0.5915153153153154,278,5,66,1,6,83,52,74,0.141,0.682,0.17600000000000002,0.4596,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,4,2,7,7,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,8,17,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,1,12,4,8,11,2,9,0,3,1,0,11,1,0,0,6,43,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820407413675813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25459211415806515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952520041010654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169260249991484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599785943932655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26072474893518816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353806953190253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006644108749566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5567477141764452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805323321828793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344033553954867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048113929900585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797101617962495
suicidewatch,marmar043,2019/03/19,"this feeling is exhausting i’m tired of it the constant agony of feeling like a fuck up. tired of never being enough and in some situations too much. tired of being me. i’m tired of constantly having to explain why i don’t want to go out or see anybody. i’m so fucking tired of people shitting on my thoughts and opinions because i’m “too sensitive” no one really understands it, the people who say they care are the same people who find ways to put me down whenever they see me. i just don’t want to feel this pain anymore ",3.679528301886791,5.041835396226414,4.9397641509434,83.24662735849058,72.39622641509433,7.941509433962264,29.287735849056602,8.472884824447931,2.1687018867924532,416,17,82,7,8,138,68,106,0.261,0.648,0.092,-0.9715,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,7,3,0,4,0,7,10,1,0,1,18,25,4,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,1,6,8,2,15,22,4,11,0,0,2,2,6,5,3,3,4,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089023780890447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430799804475552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242833168161608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26345725113958235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259534035718676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490614466476846,0.08708408290001311,0.0,0.0,0.11141272655111156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22538580310677156,0.0,0.0,0.06927754384553139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955329257936873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960918679976085,0.0,0.09401538985266816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260136033356158,0.0,0.12970825612128326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25352654516484235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254133764654053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809109436981397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693832398103076,0.0,0.0,0.19427413171384575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512672825232826,0.0,0.13701865968929874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967735373738656,0.0,0.7005201197742863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126900302531031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379740761247156,0.09675710000369586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999414582415493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PurrplePixie,2019/03/19,"I just wanted to belong. I can't even kill myself, I lost the strength to cut, my hand goes weak everytime I hold the blade, I can't find the pills, and those are the two thing I tried over and over but didn't die(damaged my liver though).


Whomever I talk to, says I need attention, I am doing this for attention. Well, they're not wrong but they're not right either. I used to do this for attention, if I still did, I would have cut myself and wouldn't try to hide the scars, but I don't care about attention anymore, I don't want the temporary thing. The reason I haven't cut yet because I know I can't cut deep enough, my body's anti-self destruct mode is stronger.


I just want this to end now, no drama, I don't wanna put myself through the torture of trying to brutally murder myself, I don't wanna live either, don't wanna put myself through endless torture for 50 more years.
Just wish there was some assisted way that could help me end this. Assisted death, guess I am not lucky enough for a terminal physical disease to get that opportunity. 


This is just pure torture by the 'normal' people. Making me go through this while they fit in and actually have a life. While I, binge-watch one thing after another, play some games, lock myself in my parents house for years, trying to forget about my existence as much as I can throughout the day, switching to and from those activities. Literally, this is my 'life'. I need that escape, please help me get that escape. 
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suicidewatch,throwaway2019020599,2019/03/19,4 hours left Life's a endless cycle of sadness and depression. There's no way out for me. Too many issues and too little enegery to fix them. I've got a few hours left to kill. What should I do?  I need to buy more meds to OD on as 1000mg isn't enough.,-0.6494736842105269,1.096869929824564,1.3641228070175444,102.20302631578949,86.54385964912281,4.5017543859649125,16.517543859649123,5.46131890053228,-0.9627403508771932,194,4,51,1,6,64,46,57,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,9,3,3,8,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129074965036275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24148090867683406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691614378989013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4603069284082189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392848378997214,0.0,0.0,0.25856120939957605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078447940091417,0.0,0.16507355304468552,0.0,0.2342349417796636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369413369401725,0.0,0.0,0.25959482816480417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329013612497413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550505002031148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abster1218,2019/03/19,"I wish.... I've never posted on reddit (let alone here) before so I'm sorry if this is really shitty. I just really wish I was a better person. I wish I was the ""good"" christian girl I'm supposed to be instead of this gay, gender confused mess. I wish i wasnt a piece of shit human being. I wish i never told someone i was depressed. I wish i could just fucking blow my brains out. Ik no one in my life *actually* cares about me. I just want to be done with this shitty life I've created for myself.",0.03557142857142992,2.1532519142857147,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857143,87.0,5.0238095238095255,17.32142857142857,6.42735559955562,-0.05457142857142916,381,9,80,4,12,135,66,105,0.187,0.578,0.236,0.6896,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,1,3,0,11,6,2,0,2,17,23,2,0,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,0,17,3,10,12,1,6,1,1,0,2,4,3,2,2,2,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.11589909086632025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300640234363612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106164782151923,0.0,0.0,0.10503942576933542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258282872997176,0.0,0.0,0.1210904865987672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482548360897472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229351757363694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153948928608932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979782834015923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961580776288262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144691776943248,0.16777675505357034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832002813679664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047933683091461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037024333647475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374559383330456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216987860500086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219122308507294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063057348259016,0.0,0.0,0.13294950986053294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348659703650266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005163084435509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8194545245354509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,neurostarr,2019/03/19,"When to go? If you were 40 and
had totally fucked up your life
had 22K in cc debt (due to hard luck)
were afraid of bankruptcy because it fucks you over/screws your dating options
had only 4K you could take out of retirement 
weren’t making very much money
have trouble living like a pauper because just having little extras here and there are all you have to keep you going 
were having a hard time finding a new job
hated the field you were in
had no partner or even a successful date
had become distant with family to where you could not share anything with them
lived in chronic physical pain
had no success with over a dozen antidepressants 
had no success with half a dozen therapists 
feel overwhelmed with the process of finding therapists that take insurance 
feel scared of what those anti-d’à are doing to you long term
had no success with non pharma treatments 
struggled with your weight
had no one you could tell it all to
had experienced the psych ward and were traumatized emotionally and financially by it- and thus will never ever return to be retraumatized (which would happen if you told people you’re checking out soon)
were tortured with unrequited love
had all this going on to where you cry every day and can barely get out of bed
had been dumped by anyone you ever loved romantically 
had all of your creative endeavors fail
cannot be loved for who you are given the above 
I think I covered it all....

Would you still be like, “NOOO LIVE it out!!” 

Or would there be a “yeah, I’d get it”, and a case for checking out to  be free and clear of that mess? 

I’m aware of but-think-of-the-others. I’m also aware that people make choices best for them that hurt others unintentionally all the time- I myself have been hurt by others doing what they need to do. Cannot hold it against them. Im also aware that the others are all in good, stable life circumstances, and have strong support networks to lean on where they can share it all...so it’s either one person living out the above and carrying all the pain as a martyr to spare the pain of others, or the individual getting to finally be free and the others then share the pain between them. 

Thoughts? PM if what you have to say isn’t sanctioned. ",7.7773111395646595,7.046371366197183,7.335057618437903,76.96259923175417,63.03755868544601,9.905078958600086,31.57020913358941,8.97023862654752,2.4343840375586847,1766,52,333,23,22,555,212,426,0.165,0.7020000000000001,0.133,-0.8929,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,19,6,7,15,37,5,4,21,1,54,13,0,3,13,67,82,22,0,10,9,0,5,2,1,4,7,1,1,2,26,25,1,2,6,0,6,3,11,18,0,5,25,7,29,21,54,44,14,39,0,4,0,5,37,18,2,8,20,242,55,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277552041540795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241841232521945,0.0,0.07346013575088453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883415202133252,0.09858973129601856,0.0,0.0,0.09368148544375264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213820220337531,0.0,0.0980569437341344,0.0575706144449266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041472800134044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896081486200167,0.16149642442865236,0.07521232221746309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415412952346604,0.0,0.09027338459584218,0.0,0.0,0.0977889674022368,0.16317906467176874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650540547734736,0.13991687559424312,0.0,0.15219955328377804,0.074873944409267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789395887333524,0.0,0.15993357522120785,0.08813388219752033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911269433668968,0.0,0.09642499195056456,0.0,0.08858493022245283,0.07934569214563644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610556209060764,0.08722388260346026,0.08947020418948998,0.3153018813387873,0.07899956219053167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24170415103213136,0.0,0.11917445492549082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562241020676687,0.06619125116572185,0.06884915150995838,0.08621579942828721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098090709289658,0.06789250096601321,0.3799507034659507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377468233094226,0.07794556311122895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098966845056387,0.08937305733771074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128971273410699,0.0,0.0,0.09332252173325907,0.0,0.0,0.10130051381685336,0.0,0.0,0.13423717796447512,0.0,0.07802435557566131,0.0,0.0,0.20729455860700827,0.0,0.11439893683950528,0.0,0.0708689922708309,0.10410602943230887,0.0,0.0,0.08529960604178406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365562725204634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870463827974836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902407385795176,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sharkshark5555,2019/03/19,Alcohol withdrawals and way behind on work Just get me out of this situation. A bullet in the head would do it. Ugh.,1.0385507246376804,3.603743869565221,3.304347826086957,85.02724637681159,88.56521739130434,6.544927536231885,20.71014492753623,7.793537801064563,1.2220840579710144,91,3,18,2,3,31,23,23,0.118,0.882,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600432104748744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249036365325136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417880381089124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838680985163762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416883080224996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313388441370276,0.0,0.0,0.3057946637347953,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisisfine_student,2019/03/19,"People only care after we are dead. Honestly the worst part of the process of recovering from mental illness, is no one cares enough to lend a helping hand despite knowing our situation except the one person you’re paying money to, the therapist. And then once we actually are gone, they start caring. Until then we are alone in the fight, and are judged for not getting through the storm alone. 

I wish it was different but it feels like I am a laughing stock and stepping stone for people to trample on as some trash along the road. It’s great ",5.81889042995839,7.020790417475728,5.843717059639393,79.373786407767,67.15533980582525,8.215811373092926,30.248266296809987,8.418075326091056,2.2508596393897355,435,16,78,6,7,137,78,103,0.112,0.664,0.224,0.9382,1,3,0,0,1,0,9.0,4,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,9,0,7,2,1,0,0,14,16,8,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,2,2,7,7,16,14,4,10,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,56,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.17023676915046393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613524897094392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335862359060668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822617646399008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025214280069146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820650560088962,0.12462618795056088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114224697210116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233031040757745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692928809125044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587244468788267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522682431636461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580326138686705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578217481459114,0.23642191121704745,0.13267609924072504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891094494807947,0.0,0.2418815304012749,0.1523218782571663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608765076826595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347568953984707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254838928067811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006073986141784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lostandalone96,2019/03/19,"I’m just too lonely I came so close yesterday. I went on a solo day trip to San Diego in an attempt to not waste my spring break. After seeing the sea lions, I was walking around Balboa park and realized how alone I felt. My trip was ruined. I cut it short and went home. I get tired of shallow interaction and having no close friends. It took all I could to not be the adult man crying in public. I cried my eyes out on in the car on the way back. Not from true depression, but shear loneliness. My medication makes me tired and I fell asleep before I could do anything. 
I feel bad because I just got into my dream transfer school after going to community college. My parents have worked so hard to get me to this point, but I’m so lonely I want to throw it away. I’m scared what will happen today.",1.694670245398772,3.8042913619631946,3.223615797546014,90.095914493865,80.16564417177915,5.792791411042947,20.0034509202454,6.9077264865688965,0.3044236196319017,624,16,131,7,16,205,107,163,0.217,0.725,0.058,-0.9765,1,5,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,1,6,0,9,5,2,2,2,27,26,10,0,3,7,1,3,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,5,10,0,0,3,1,0,11,4,7,0,0,8,5,21,2,21,14,1,34,0,4,2,0,6,14,0,0,7,81,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623802932833165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901935895493896,0.13957044390641055,0.0,0.0,0.14730314196458927,0.12055673784493336,0.13090756942033846,0.09557369029247688,0.0,0.13341110462777914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931841362586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503575349865398,0.0,0.34443835128649913,0.1011123066191304,0.0,0.1350372912963145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927438529888628,0.0,0.15053662707892215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113044673775758,0.0,0.16382568506148204,0.0,0.08910360518296333,0.0,0.1253939875567139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864302087708866,0.0,0.140447108758326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726650862976152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465412036831116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794275603535585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740893840638886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821096640024894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696750962532222,0.15867314593616466,0.12493605119785225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603988519816231,0.14861230746153722,0.0,0.1741920986215078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247489679198392,0.12444734554390414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290679519054566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414016440417438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bananasyrupx,2019/03/19,"It never goes away I don’t understand, I’m getting great grades, I’m doing my passion, I’m eating healthy, I’m losing weight, I’m going to the gym, everything is perfect. But no matter how much I tell it to go away, it’s always there. That voice that tells you everything is wrong, I just want it to stop. I want it to end and I don’t know how to make it stop. Please someone tell me. I’ll do anything.  Please I’m begging you. Make it stop screaming at me. ",-0.3810544217687095,1.7557270510204075,1.8031632653061216,96.68052721088438,89.71428571428572,4.491156462585034,19.391156462585034,5.985473137389443,-0.16412517006802707,353,11,81,3,12,118,56,98,0.161,0.633,0.206,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,0,2,4,6,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,4,2,17,21,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,1,2,3,2,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,3,10,3,8,21,1,10,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,43,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298350999283754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840497387691874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932033804718742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596645794857852,0.0,0.0,0.13820227197598828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804715912132027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152277681845761,0.0,0.17735859468738593,0.0,0.0,0.1720310996456021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575373299412523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456524297768425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831152318309487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470498634681445,0.0,0.12034518328504147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425630526336572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322094564420109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913612021886034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091490671933141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243978981480262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406906999115727,0.0,0.0,0.19001076020258945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706017227129457,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Frozen7024,2019/03/19,"I’m scared I don’t know what to write, or even if I’m on the right place...I’m just scared. I feel it everyday, this cold itch, the darkness pressing it’s way back in. And I don’t know if I can stop it this time. I feel so alone, I go to see 2 therapists, I have friends who I know would support me through anything...felt I still feel so hollow, so alone, and so scared. I don’t know if I will survive the storm. I’m scared...",-0.07352245862884388,1.5079885744680863,1.5386524822695051,102.63388888888888,83.46808510638297,5.028841607565012,20.01891252955083,5.82211442006289,-0.4668803782505906,322,9,86,2,9,104,54,94,0.206,0.728,0.066,-0.8842,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,4,3,0,7,1,1,0,0,17,20,10,0,4,5,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,6,12,2,5,18,0,10,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,4,5,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349941416891777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435561022403953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681703660528502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453172191418816,0.0,0.15528019798899018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494739730067625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919113555473082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555166573855377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896693712389713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811123115909812,0.0,0.0,0.6476548982243417,0.0,0.12887292044742166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291528258644701,0.1352083281338606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352223791063216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777378252510707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943024412292213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836881515307613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488393878898592,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dankestdankyou,2019/03/19,"Everything makes me wanna die Hello, it's week 2, day 2 of internship (I have a total of 22 weeks to complete) and I already F***ING HATE THIS PLACE. This internship is compulsory for me in order to graduate. Which means I have 20 more weeks stuck in this hellhole. Work starts at 8.30am and ends at 6.15pm. I dread going to work every single morning. I don't know how people deal with it. The people are nice, the environment is comfortable... I just hate it. I hate what I do, I don't find enjoyment in it. Every day I dread going to work, and tbh I'd rather kill myself (honestly, I would if I didn't have people I have to look out for).

Are there any advice you guys can give to survive these 20 weeks of hell? I keep thinking that 20 weeks is a short time, but in all honesty.. it's ANYTHING BUT THAT. 2 weeks felt like 2 years. I don't know what to do at this point..

This internship is making me feel like life is meaningless. I don't even want to do this for 20 weeks, let alone years. Life really feels bleak and meaningless at this point..

Thanks!",1.2664911206368643,3.5575566901408457,2.6470912431108395,92.57887936313534,83.03755868544602,6.145662380077567,19.12002449479485,7.423996415210882,0.41581175750153054,817,21,177,13,23,264,112,213,0.159,0.7829999999999999,0.057,-0.9493,0,1,0,0,0,2,41.0,0,1,0,4,5,14,5,2,4,0,22,2,0,3,2,28,43,8,2,5,5,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,18,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,4,21,7,25,38,4,30,1,0,1,0,5,13,1,1,16,106,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265492884752526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880148014771612,0.11592673797114535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143849631795776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644828099623288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014430471464932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549881452814688,0.1083032926056115,0.0,0.0,0.10902667913220712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304428388848893,0.0,0.0,0.06938540255686647,0.0,0.17702052681970892,0.0,0.09441334785014063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623420224115768,0.07504868016872715,0.10086573629999894,0.0,0.09601499841550226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077479338174923,0.11940616603628434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401731763729706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111492730970776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933744352679606,0.11622371500148887,0.0,0.11546691039333055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742208666324624,0.14840170053273385,0.10264553197202016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882166464475368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402451365174297,0.0,0.0,0.11443167849063185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848806313094613,0.0,0.10975626476574883,0.0,0.19861489584003966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729856215073232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435586119801017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671713643084062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731264063484096,0.0,0.0,0.061256266366605236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061961987160106174,0.0,0.5898607960435135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294358246380953,0.0,0.0,0.07462543985046106,0.0,0.0,0.1352992047704323
suicidewatch,TylerGxles53,2019/03/19,"The days seem so long. So I guess for my second post I'll just go ahead and say you might see a little more of me for the next couple weeks. I'm full of contemplation on how I'm going to take my own life in the times coming. My sister's birthday is on the 26th so I want to try and hold out until at least April I suppose but it's getting so hard and stressful. Waking up every morning to complete self hatred of the way I look, act , do things, fail, and much more. Then I have to come to work for 8 hours and I'm starting to not be able to make myself happy in front of other people my true feelings are trying to find a way out and god I'm scared as to what's going to happen these next few weeks as I can feel my mind and body giving up. Well, I'm on my 10 minute break so I guess back to hell. Thanks guys.",0.9765000000000016,2.2150703166666688,2.791111111111114,96.425,79.16666666666666,5.022222222222221,17.0,4.604124745555138,-0.8921000000000006,627,9,153,1,15,209,115,180,0.141,0.746,0.113,-0.8616,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,3,9,8,1,2,7,0,7,3,2,2,1,27,32,18,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,11,0,1,4,0,0,7,1,4,1,1,0,6,16,4,32,30,7,37,1,1,2,0,6,12,1,4,14,94,21,2,0.13660758360387154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050427995084745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174022940864473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353506744252589,0.14323045234061746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115369293991726,0.0,0.08810059016107566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509778102303052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381457977374831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485685655889375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137182416293697,0.1310464420107276,0.23291171365523924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009773092296407,0.13526298518153188,0.12080163502743055,0.14542131295401658,0.12237356244511036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345309523476123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648997626562388,0.0,0.13691668687098135,0.0,0.12089341269946753,0.11471596472815634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118662283085552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449190582862794,0.13793471699531512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042229221887068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29056742988392786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947064979720452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308323032685963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863583350872023,0.13676802257311754,0.0,0.10885855748881353,0.12436241349093888,0.14251150270578558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669155079019437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564835254693885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271190184656606,0.0,0.0,0.1257699091747598,0.0,0.0,0.09075600845354226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965698056850415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854951642194658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057469219001002,0.21686548261026228,0.21915672704921565,0.0,0.1228266235711356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945194785208678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Michael996996,2019/03/19,"I think im done Hi my name is Micheal, i am 23 years old...I was 16 when i started using drugs, drinking anything to get me fucked up and screw over and push evrybody from me... lost a lot of friends , good friends..My mom was a prostitute i found out when i was 12 fucked up my brain before that i had problems with sexual abuse also fucked up my brain never told no one, cant get the dark stuff out my head for years , cant stand myself anymore...",1.6314893617021262,3.1363306063829803,2.6754787234042574,96.80875,78.04255319148936,5.5510638297872354,22.388297872340427,5.985473137389443,0.06332340425531903,343,10,81,2,8,109,66,94,0.232,0.691,0.077,-0.951,0,0,2,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,4,0,3,0,9,9,3,1,1,12,20,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,8,0,13,2,11,12,1,14,0,1,0,4,5,6,4,1,6,47,15,0,0.0,0.19178278702143087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944286256991747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052594139180745,0.0,0.0,0.13320056867876146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773464035492836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613882936999434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656434286061251,0.0,0.15856544103310866,0.1877112579846248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747590558569887,0.12505599563098813,0.4489229512136601,0.16913488480436858,0.0,0.0,0.13576413755015754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611952142155914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484127454128126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766940593020919,0.13761128242335965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957357094075564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483976568293012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984940727625786,0.0,0.10968347294302536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488232311668498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456842035535213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529595555158385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371613996836598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466832339338746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979882851410594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084706695092192
suicidewatch,MothaFuckinSnowDay,2019/03/19,I can’t stand it My life is miserable and it’s my own fault. I’m always down and have an uncontrollable addiction. I have no real friends and haven’t been in a relationship my whole life. I just want to fucking end it but I can’t. I was raised a Christian and I still believe but I can’t find any hope,-0.7787878787878775,1.3676659696969686,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,93.84848484848484,5.357575757575758,19.454545454545453,6.937597516519254,0.2718909090909096,238,8,57,4,9,81,42,66,0.125,0.754,0.121,0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,2,3,0,9,4,0,0,0,11,13,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,10,2,3,11,2,5,1,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,2,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28781465032345266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968111859546088,0.0,0.0,0.17953883566731416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974538032479344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338383820466715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24130436544175976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397685942158325,0.24407704524361765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622258561835382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729623368066175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005061709515514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834526455408032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084222940524308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557225250213183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947626330584041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lame_lowlife,2019/03/19,"I try Hey guys I’m 19. I work my ass of literally everyday, school & work is all I do. I smoke weed here & there but not a lot, but when I do my parents treat me as if I’m on meth or something. They constantly call me a junkie & tell me I’m never going to be shit in life.

Constantly telling me I’m going to be living off my little brothers when they get older ALL BECAUSE I SMOKE WEED!!! No I didn’t graduate on time but I’m making up for it by going back to school. 

To them that isn’t enough ig but instead of them saying hey you should be doing this & that blasé blasé blasé they just yell & try their hardest to tear me down. 

I’ve become real antisocial towards them & they think it’s because i hate them but it’s because I’m stuck & depressed, I’ve been through a lot & they don’t even take the time out of their day to ask me what’s going on, the weed is like a cooping mechanism. I don’t say hi to them when I come home from school or work, I don’t say bye, I just leave. Everyday I think about suicide & have no idea why. This isn’t me, I was never like this. I just don’t know what to do anymore....",0.5412640252454395,2.153238270161289,2.556346423562413,95.93984572230015,81.62096774193549,5.603366058906031,20.056802244039265,6.498293943080001,-0.05359943899018217,873,23,213,8,23,293,120,248,0.13699999999999998,0.8220000000000001,0.041,-0.9754,1,0,4,0,0,1,42.0,0,1,12,3,12,6,2,0,6,0,20,3,2,1,4,27,40,12,1,2,12,2,0,2,0,1,1,4,1,1,10,2,0,0,4,0,0,5,12,3,0,0,4,4,38,3,26,32,5,29,0,1,0,1,27,10,2,5,17,129,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7577568768568907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706419486940007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264530209299468,0.0,0.0,0.059751678145746,0.0,0.1421079024774879,0.08582097720912811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934725856813155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693746651576914,0.0,0.16794673672220845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011441176727372,0.0,0.06692869192918224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029182350248995,0.0,0.05132456171637635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040598558739997535,0.0,0.17665009965237066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694187886669622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671930733551786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794618513017122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772143868471972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04270558611967956,0.0,0.0,0.08228020617572121,0.0,0.0,0.054886560840841765,0.07592716546236826,0.07788255687184678,0.06861646546921882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212696456353645,0.0,0.0,0.0518698450924972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986443993569465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628412672012098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844726991043493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538652975592712,0.0,0.2359300753114021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976484076944736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059822436486476074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849985493484849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842578957902145,0.0,0.13583821263312748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958266872412247,0.0,0.0,0.09062283730561103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551553654222276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011823652531121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971427285349494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ravenwald,2019/03/19,"My life is going nowhere, I’m a failure, and I want to be dead. The only thing that stops me is the anguish it would cause others. But I’m tired. Years ago I made terrible choices, paid my debt, but have never been free again.  

I don’t think I matter anymore. How can I. I’m forced to work for a man that commits federal crimes every day because no one wants me. I can’t do it anymore.  

Please kill me. Please let me die. Please give me peace. All I do is live with pain, anguish, and guilt.  

The hell is the point.",0.16555555555555654,2.253401851851855,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,86.03703703703705,4.340740740740742,19.185185185185183,5.46131890053228,-0.4764037037037037,392,11,92,2,12,126,74,108,0.369,0.499,0.131,-0.9901,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,3,6,0,14,3,0,3,3,17,24,5,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,14,2,4,18,1,8,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146239401515796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33890630552027096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415832388287627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552644280848187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019443059225556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733192527440814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439619691431828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391023070459826,0.0971070818692618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903790620611288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472205515760306,0.12068770450925274,0.0,0.0,0.15087780291120576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161677534674396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317823879517128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578321942689584,0.12995128778051945,0.18181346432219225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626786532016881,0.16152359288491738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285162166651716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135157739134255,0.1094840295429538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638532443835924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015623802244916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439247847051645,0.0,0.0,0.12137829959110033,0.0,0.0,0.11003209792780673
suicidewatch,ItsRainbows,2019/03/19,"I'll never make it out If I can't even get any where close to passing calculus while my parents yell at me for getting anything below an A. I have to keep a GPA to stay with my scholarship. I'm sick and can't mentally do much. For the last three or so months I've been in and out of counseling for the huge amount of depression and anxiety I have been experiencing. On top of that I'm trans and absolutely hate walking around on this earth. There hasn't been a day in years where I was happy to get up and go through the day and more and more these days I feel like I would be better in the ground than walking on it. It's getting bad... I'm scared.. I can't think... I'm numb... Nothing is retaining...

I am disappearing. I'm turning into a ghost with a tar thick black cloud storming my soul.

I just can't take it anymore. I'm about to give up.",1.4126666666666663,3.0633375444444475,3.2197222222222237,92.01625,79.1111111111111,6.722222222222222,23.472222222222214,7.6454224807358475,0.8685555555555555,658,22,154,10,16,220,111,180,0.08800000000000001,0.835,0.077,-0.4201,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,1,1,10,0,16,2,0,1,1,24,35,11,1,2,3,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,14,0,2,2,0,1,5,6,5,0,1,4,5,13,3,30,29,4,35,1,1,1,0,2,21,0,2,9,97,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276657992158298,0.0,0.138104943812924,0.0,0.17903723451433093,0.0,0.0,0.14856079487971624,0.16070996055477968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507349960996891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966410044859553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492807148895985,0.0,0.155490210894559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923835197308745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128138435191473,0.1289706568141656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772778626647508,0.17318081095544546,0.10259935035991513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217752516715111,0.0,0.1782359842010125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046334484612046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715603217335127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819783137896721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050516631991555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181931763010606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409731106554372,0.0,0.13271031046417178,0.0,0.13923585316802622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322338880091212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045718321763092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074200793674536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242094292337414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573608091632355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567632442107705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963647823654467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824332114731185,0.0,0.0,0.11625539094389176
suicidewatch,AnnubislupusRex,2019/03/19,"It hurts(rant) It really hurts you don’t understand I’ve opened up to multiple times told you the weight of the shit inside suffocated me yet you continue to say insensitive shit 
Like I fuckin tell you hey babe I’m having a bad headspace day with some dysphoria an what the tf do you say not even a hour later 
That I’m not man enough an it’s not attractive 

Like your supposed to my wife ?? 
An yesterday I’m sick of pretending to be fuckin happy just for your sake 
My sanity is waning thin an it’s like like I’m gulping to fuckin breath but god for fucking bid I want alone time or or to simply sit in a dark fuckin corner 

Depression doesn’t just go away with happy thoughts 
Dysphoria doesn’t go away with “empowering words “
And lastly my schizophrenic demons don’t just disappear if I ignore them 

I opened up to you so you could be the one person who understands me 
Now I find myself taking the same deep breath I use to take before going back home to my moms when I was a fuckin kid 

I want to die an your the last string to life I don’t wanna hurt .... keep feeding them an I won’t hesitate to cut the last string ",2.286485755874402,4.286422235807862,3.5545601996257012,89.00072780203787,77.73362445414847,7.506009565398212,20.94843002703265,8.418075326091056,1.058800207943439,888,23,190,18,21,289,132,229,0.159,0.731,0.11,-0.9425,1,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,10,2,0,9,21,9,0,17,0,13,16,4,1,0,30,31,7,1,5,10,2,2,4,0,1,3,2,1,4,7,6,3,2,4,1,0,4,9,14,0,1,3,4,29,7,25,24,3,29,1,3,0,6,24,10,8,4,18,112,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321728798470636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398010262244177,0.09812971083954478,0.1065549894892525,0.0,0.0,0.108592795010324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189190979242667,0.0,0.0,0.08230250410074158,0.0,0.1099164641009704,0.0,0.1324464533157186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131862629930839,0.0,0.0842899238396194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663976291369026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797999857056375,0.0,0.0,0.21758330146453844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27170165793102885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801040648954365,0.0,0.12567718601001984,0.0,0.27323359654714346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113431986372831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120750296993021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013976697275973,0.24938917275309766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946366342915407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647668344455213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114303727595852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175481396900468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297255935498174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619943406702616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919044289593612,0.0,0.11154301385590797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131376194647317,0.14882917260612274,0.0,0.0,0.12194365552171454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657079071501701,0.0,0.1102202429860452,0.0,0.0,0.15054380276590246,0.0,0.0,0.15540330816422335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Moose915,2019/03/19,Can't take this anymore... I'm 28. I have ptsd. My ex wife got our marriage annulled. I can't even get a break from my life when I sleep because of nightmares. I honestly don't want to live anymore. I'm on so many medications in losing track of them. I fought in a stupid war that no one cares about. I came home to ptsd and a wife that wanted nothing to do with me. I am in physical and emotional pain non stop. I've been trying for 3 years and it has only gotten worse. The last time I attempted suicide I used alcohol and medication. This time I'm considering rope or a weapon. ,0.8182263191354089,2.9847994049586783,2.960661157024795,90.41413858868404,83.87603305785125,6.367705022250477,22.530832803560077,7.61054688173877,0.9731469802924346,452,16,100,8,13,153,85,121,0.248,0.691,0.061,-0.9695,0,1,1,0,0,2,15.0,1,0,1,2,4,8,4,0,5,0,8,6,1,1,0,11,21,7,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,5,0,14,2,13,16,0,12,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,6,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753893588166266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255165825567687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004317146931034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770419711824216,0.1673264991949455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460763767449004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839661634986243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574347737084917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125800793049805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462103996486016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337758841774585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591949895462565,0.0,0.0,0.1449168280062933,0.0,0.0,0.18360305604316687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638716834494274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306578238430612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574730689242798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120878334619626,0.12481709076562375,0.17463026389583386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836840367268482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423383499775487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720775016620573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951551529923265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339429088420703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913939174431954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142352463448107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417429373370864,0.0,0.0,0.1935989272373101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724752458969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568488076380456
suicidewatch,Johngreen54,2019/03/19,"In a few hours I gotta choose between life or death, I don’t know what to pick. I currently live with narcissistic psycho parents and I can’t live with these people any second longer. They destroyed my life and made it hell. I either gotta run or commit suicide, but I can’t choose. Suicide seems like the easier option, running away seems impossible. I’m literally all alone, nobody knows me, I’m like a shadow, I have nobody to help me. Doing this alone seems too scary. I fuckin have no idea what to do. ",2.787942794279428,4.7910279702970335,3.974785478547856,86.55335533553357,76.22772277227722,6.469086908690867,21.123212321232124,7.3871296695380915,0.6533357535753574,399,10,80,5,9,130,67,101,0.25,0.615,0.135,-0.9201,2,2,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,3,0,7,3,0,2,2,21,17,5,3,0,4,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,12,2,8,14,3,6,1,0,0,1,3,2,2,6,4,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753150148521547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232149611852166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023334481158078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144739207942742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843499736294624,0.0,0.0,0.2045407050027156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915384023438287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559587717184984,0.1770399139068824,0.0,0.3199870050538342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144572994409985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011893144309707,0.0,0.0,0.12561387116498535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948438973203883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963834489863569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Difficult_Sentence,2019/03/19,"Any tips/advice for my situation of loneliness? Hey there,

I’m just here asking for some advice for my situation.  I’m at the point in my life where most people are getting married and starting to have babies.

However I don’t seem to be having much luck meeting women at all.  I’m living in an apartment by myself and I basically just work every day.  Let’s be real - part of that is making income and livelihood.  But the other part is hating having to be by myself.

I can’t physically go home and even turn on the television or do anything because it’s killing me inside.

So my day is basically - wake up, prepare meals, work, gym, eat and sleep.

I’ve been technically single since 2011 - so 8 years.  I had some dating here and there, but nothing significant or romantic.

My friend took me out one day for ‘cold approaching’ women - day game.  He gave me phenibut and after a little bit the effect kicked in - I finally approached one girl.  I later hung out with her a couple of times and had sex.  That was late 2015.

Since then I haven’t had sex.

So I’m guessing that long between intimacy would make anyone die a little inside.  It was, but I was numbed out a bit.

Then I was at a New Years party just hanging out with friends and one of my friends wife is showing me a face time of her sister - for whatever reason she’s teasing me by showing me her underwear and cleavage etc.

For whatever reason that ‘show’ just put a thing in my head that was ‘Dude for fucks sake this is a horrifically long time between sex and intamacy wtf’.  So now basically I’m tormented by my thoughts - tormented by loneliness.

Even at the gym it’s getting annoying having to take 2 minutes of rest so I have to super set so I don’t have to think too much and I can work so hard my brain shuts itself down lol.

Anyway yeah I’m just asking for tips on what I should be doing I’m dying a little inside every day more or less.  ",2.623133633400588,4.614422693931402,4.418038957007607,83.24157962129445,76.67810026385223,6.991805059754772,24.339670960732576,7.928766900206844,1.4144610585131154,1487,50,291,24,34,503,193,379,0.096,0.821,0.083,-0.3245,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,5,22,11,5,0,15,2,35,13,5,5,1,46,60,27,3,2,11,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,13,18,2,0,6,6,0,6,4,6,0,3,12,2,34,5,46,41,15,52,0,0,0,4,20,23,1,9,22,201,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813562638517352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310373468113845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648843728588427,0.0,0.07636232100052595,0.0,0.17350146688070436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656692822251533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261606043361324,0.0,0.0,0.10358983134637184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267582539468384,0.0,0.2992252665683419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261297445296205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495237998174727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349087652209768,0.12258035259322372,0.0,0.15636746198895365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165231036875208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507939889756364,0.08578741778937306,0.09696304222969528,0.0,0.05273749735233129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222407752388876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312603077143497,0.0916157822824136,0.0952343698309562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308088113204901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266384166972717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046767232466886,0.0,0.0,0.09488910328572744,0.06554380354652957,0.0,0.2790146948054682,0.0819396235412358,0.16424118646749858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388267308604127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642990179138034,0.0,0.0,0.08962192193036557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903923832074362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886407389789911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097573344070901,0.0,0.06433232070211449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772120311035482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932845350882401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105620946082719,0.0,0.19081728665468609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447701941581229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352185052926962,0.20861077923594648,0.09286194569387804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568072928275384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977023911778267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164882839613048,0.05945924444437205,0.0,0.07366880936785934,0.16232841029369696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309858193712296,0.0,0.10093423743679757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202667443332946,0.0,0.0,0.06591885607204467,0.0,0.0,0.11951378543022582
suicidewatch,nooneexist,2019/03/19,"lost everything in 1 year Lost old apartment, left toxic 3 year relationship ( she was basically a junkie and i was the one working and helping her).

Moved alone to another country for a job ( I have a education in IT ) and quit after 1 year, tattooed my hands like a idiot there.

Probably my biggest regret besides wasting my life on useless women.

Now I'm doing laser removal, on 3rd treatment in April need 5 more and 1 year till its gone. 

Zero job now besides my own game development, only thing giving me real hope.

Staying at my parents now, they're great and supportive, same with my family.

I'm looking for any type of work and looks like i can get a apartment soon.

Things could be worse, but that doesn't help me. 

I guess i just hate myself for all my bad decisions in the past, and hate to think about where i could have been now.

I'm 27 and losing my will to live. I don't wanna die, but i can't stand to live anymore.",3.5717281105990786,4.890970489247316,4.817235023041476,84.18870967741938,72.60215053763442,7.464823348694317,27.264208909370197,7.957251820313856,1.6329305683563748,725,26,146,10,14,240,124,186,0.18600000000000005,0.726,0.08900000000000001,-0.9621,3,1,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,6,9,14,3,0,7,0,14,2,1,0,1,24,31,11,1,6,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,9,0,2,6,3,21,5,20,21,4,31,0,5,2,0,9,12,0,2,16,91,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989709729632004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528977082221571,0.13151360509635876,0.0,0.0,0.1243827490358068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047203015710132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20027502367095856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301659603150928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271923704632125,0.0,0.11823463367296955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552667359375329,0.12031410899147048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827578198856905,0.13816405936320714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476521909217719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681325082242192,0.0,0.0,0.12457016942560553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489196153084015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626898925012748,0.0,0.08858772006993018,0.12254756677482498,0.0,0.22149597796085796,0.0,0.21064210323596955,0.14031268491854304,0.2738210739490073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133301408157481,0.0,0.09299719904716458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316069914678695,0.0,0.08498770834272333,0.09538741623629934,0.0,0.0,0.13926385525457588,0.0,0.11972739906041036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352237667029434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339940490341176,0.0,0.14275520032118305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465393761338249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368082855946695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423249127504723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166646696013562,0.080363949258274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261422911902486,0.0,0.12781350009578646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230649793057709
suicidewatch,mrmrchoice,2019/03/19,"What do you do to be happy? I can't find joy in anything. When I hold my SO I feel warm and safe and hopeful, but I'm only with her a few hours each evening. I can also feel my hopelessness dragging her down. I can't lean on her any more than I do already or I may lose her. No one wants to be around someone who struggles. 

I've thought about retail therapy - I like gadgets etc - but I'm also prudent with my money so think spending lots will stress me out.",-0.6470957613814754,1.5138145102040816,1.4377551020408177,98.18142072213504,92.67346938775508,3.83171114599686,20.80376766091052,5.369823440869387,-0.20191616954474112,354,13,81,2,13,117,70,98,0.199,0.691,0.11,-0.9071,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,1,8,10,0,2,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,21,18,10,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,5,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,1,3,17,6,11,13,5,7,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,4,3,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385159478032235,0.3456942803232997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698266299148274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778648656784262,0.19241049141131025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24105331805483896,0.14275848129771807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857383275095624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754811315486773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300851293098102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467586388104715,0.21285443610910093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559512315513568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418054578174624,0.0,0.18375456281343572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646210880077978,0.1643842669423185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831347844361268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475877260430468,0.2259565357889809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717501294779715,0.0,0.0,0.13849383292535206,0.0,0.17159107674076116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748501643289942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ow_ow_ow_ow_ow,2019/03/19,"Does not seem worth it Am 26. No family/bad family. Wrecked my head. No contact.

No friends. Removed from school at 8. No education. No social connections. 

House burned down in 2016. No insurance (not my house). Homeless a while. 

Car died in 2017. All savings gone for new car.

Apartment burned down in 2018. Feel cursed. Fire. 

Accelerator pedal stuck to the floor while driving recently. Did not die. Scared of car now. 3 previous car crashes. Not my fault. One car fire. Low key daily commute trauma.

Can't get enough sleep. 12 hours? Still tired.

Can't communicate with bosses adequately. Blatant autism as child. Never diagnosed (no school). 

No insurance. 

No paid time off. 

No support system. 

Getting fatter and hate myself for it. Feel trapped and unable to fix it. Desk job. 

Hypervigilance from electric beeps (""smoke alarm""), smoke smells. Hallucinate smells of fires. Tired. 

Broke glasses accidentally running into a door yesterday. Contacts were ruined in last fire. No spare. No insurance. Glued them back. Glue coming undone today. Prescription not even right. 

Nightmares/flashes of fires, car crashes, violent altercations, animals on fire. 

No support system. No safety net. State did not expand Medicaid. Make ""too much"" for help.",2.784194373401533,4.6045266521739165,3.037385620915032,80.51529411764706,115.81159420289856,5.874737141233305,24.34867860187553,6.881172211772175,2.1537802216538795,975,42,148,22,51,299,147,207,0.298,0.619,0.084,-0.993,1,1,2,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,1,0,5,13,2,2,3,0,6,5,2,2,3,20,19,5,2,0,6,0,8,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,2,11,23,9,0,1,6,10,5,4,22,13,3,41,0,3,0,0,7,14,0,1,13,73,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027924937363652,0.11974767027597415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354152705680108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455658023342304,0.2976895647382629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255056713762998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481886752217602,0.0,0.09472594437777863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520130973525007,0.0,0.1450324529610692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080404945690532,0.0,0.14985950930374567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159514657963765,0.1471877903532585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612976593585036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123740524659412,0.3309692123715522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231979650554974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690445136019388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957323335417424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542840687888927,0.0,0.11061246205049756,0.13851357109368814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718344889633254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160753638525442,0.0,0.0,0.12247781081090164,0.0,0.0,0.14358599483502116,0.2902924505489036,0.0,0.13056195830889009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352113232699024,0.14619613926163327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145334469844805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254970902188064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362793133437273,0.32967477042034177,0.13594307549713766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CJ_McSwagger,2019/03/19,"Thoughts It's a terrible idea to get a bunch of suicidal people to try to help each other. It creates an environment like the DARE program. In the end, there's a discussion to be had, but someone who lives their life normally every day is gonna end up a lot healthier than someone who sits and talk about suicide all the time even in a healthy manner.

The best thing anyone can do is find a community of people and try to take every day as it comes.

I've posted quite a lot on this sub  but I usually delete it later so irl friends won't find it.

I don't usually comment as much, because it's like trying to scrub the black out of a kettle; no matter how you try to approach it, the problem is inherent in what you're trying to fix. This sub and similar subs have more clients than anyone could even begin to handle they just sit and fester watching each other get dragged down further and further until they see suicide as an inevibility rather than a tragedy.

If ya'll have ever called the hotline (I'm guessing this group is more likely than most to have tried) the first 3 minutes on hold is the worst because even people who get paid to care don't care. It's pretty easy to convince yourself that no one will if they won't.

As a human statistic, I'm infinitely more likely than the average to kill myself to the point it feels like an inevitability. I'll never amount to anything more than a sad, violent, volatile bum. At least dying gives me the dignity of a young man's inherent martyrdom

So, anyways; I'm crashing my car tomorrow. Not that it matters.

See you soon, Angel",5.722081721876577,6.016494361022367,6.367005212712293,78.75574407264169,67.05111821086264,9.145384227341516,32.76761392298638,8.99025400887824,2.7217961661341845,1257,51,240,20,19,412,179,313,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.126,-0.967,2,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,2,4,3,13,16,2,0,27,0,18,1,0,1,3,35,37,17,5,6,7,0,1,5,1,4,1,0,0,2,22,9,0,1,5,0,1,3,8,6,0,3,3,5,11,10,40,28,16,35,1,1,4,0,19,12,0,6,22,161,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957395741157294,0.0,0.08213219046104821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168215061289382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104740694071581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191352732129524,0.0,0.2035186207867624,0.0,0.0,0.08597440473278042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968731558360405,0.0,0.0,0.12873378526239249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358332025378546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679775138557635,0.0,0.0,0.1977636234871597,0.0902806328518978,0.1681824491675548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050465131471662775,0.07130173581747441,0.0,0.0,0.18244254359026327,0.08489530109035817,0.0,0.0,0.07711020270664984,0.0,0.15643422595884315,0.09574342518231548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994803844214167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689814834194464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266931459745608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042103077803064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049623539321201,0.2438019092094193,0.0,0.08813090905066931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970372078278673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336921227443162,0.0,0.07697687415217414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778911361980176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763142214438744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757964192854653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434933966035858,0.0,0.09558697395539698,0.10153902362073246,0.0,0.095501277415323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615642712061872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590656105494541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691313339256678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32751611603036856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504201669950726,0.08022063040243065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630695936411612,0.0,0.0,0.07923515947083383,0.0581979338186489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40657210004237815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984537123739173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thfslp,2019/03/19,"Open 19f.

I have a good life. I've done almost everything I've wanted to do. I live with my boyfriend and his family. I have a job. I've travelled plenty. I study at university-- it's a great university. My grades are excellent. I don't have any serious issues with the way I look-- I am ok with who I am.

But I seriously want to kill myself, and have been wanting to for 4 years. I've recently gotten myself into a relationship, and it's the only thing holding me back-- my boyfriend might be sad, but again, it's a ""might"" and not a definite will.

Every relationship I've had, whether it be familial, platonic, and/or romantic have ended awfully. Some conflicts have not been my fault, but still. I've come to realise I am the 1 common denominator in and between each of these conflicts. 

Everyone has conflict, and trauma, and something they can't quite move past-- I get that. But I feel heavy with guilt, and carry the burden of my family's hurt with me. I might be too sensitive.

The equation I have worked out is as follows: 
Said relationship - me = stability. 

This is something I've thought about in depth. I want to make 2019 my last year, and I want it to be a great year.

I think this is my final call for help. I want to feel better. I would like to move past this, and I feel I can't.

Many thanks in advance.



",1.4800195924764914,3.8671337234848524,3.4254963427377234,86.71772727272726,82.97727272727272,6.8231974921630085,22.739811912225704,7.990435384864732,1.3290283699059562,1029,36,212,21,29,346,141,264,0.139,0.72,0.142,-0.4883,1,0,2,0,0,1,51.0,0,0,1,5,5,17,1,1,12,2,32,1,0,1,0,49,51,16,1,7,7,0,3,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,12,20,0,4,5,1,0,6,5,9,0,0,7,5,35,8,26,35,2,28,0,2,1,0,9,8,0,5,14,140,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497496945609862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128994187319307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061000088275919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271614838082612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070460743817114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030422914255784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728041628411676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285080078562433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832620868145838,0.10017229333657633,0.0942170178153394,0.0,0.2964812807217238,0.0,0.15901993658312924,0.0,0.0,0.11483927748622087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477084422444706,0.0,0.0,0.08792883192165714,0.0,0.2311572036225414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702672584458198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222574830001852,0.0,0.0,0.10941827278645316,0.10403044078652456,0.0,0.1159820308908143,0.0,0.0,0.08545277539399483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404655158035697,0.051216041665121455,0.0,0.09256933886532748,0.0,0.0880332022877705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997675025119712,0.10628406915376606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336333038832372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228414860902948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973011644145013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001496600908209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111502654184711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350980531564616,0.3376537875379376,0.0,0.0,0.099720059422478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614109195802382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371965999916903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651601572922668,0.0,0.0,0.06964629613632416,0.06717266579675582,0.0,0.08322558346569303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370998833177942,0.08321144726937177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631957298988461,0.0,0.0,0.07447025824175303,0.0,0.0,0.20252678053251694
suicidewatch,OhBuggery,2019/03/19,"The only thing stopping me is my daughter I've got the noose ready hung on the bannister, I've tested it and it holds, I know that if I just sit on my hands and let the weight take me then I'll be gone in just a few minutes but I can't. I've tried a few times now and I keep thinking of my daughter.
  
I barely see her, once every 2 weeks if I'm lucky. I spend the rest of my time smoking and doing nothing else, my life is quite literally pointless except for her. She's 2 and she loves space and the moon and rockets, I want her to thrive and be happy and I know she won't do that if I'm around, I'm toxic and I bring others down. Why can't I just have the courage to finish it?",-0.16823529411765034,1.4744415882352977,2.0389803921568617,98.61141176470586,84.09803921568627,4.602875816993464,18.04313725490196,5.2151,-0.7205403921568632,525,12,132,2,15,177,89,153,0.009000000000000001,0.843,0.14800000000000002,0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,9,0,11,4,1,0,0,27,25,15,0,4,8,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,11,1,3,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,23,4,11,19,3,16,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,4,7,83,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927881086653115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870025042104173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886078716728161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790376531787101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382982894052097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897300975132354,0.0,0.0,0.2460502023033992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22890736458877065,0.15811572472955301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203828378390612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479534196481948,0.0,0.0,0.23839874870361544,0.0,0.17025215725583906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380978262917684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838381121552416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871531800230867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683114394609546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871961426013608,0.14343753365670098,0.0,0.0,0.2610638265198565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198315648688504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203574447372896,0.0,0.17956333946725686,0.27259563143958226,0.0,0.0,0.201994725395656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OCEAN333,2019/03/19,"Why live ? For most people there’s a reason why they ought to live, that might be their innate drive for life—when ever they’re met with despair, they cling on to these reasons, stretches it, to move forward, and thrive.

For some they lack this ‘drive for life’, despair might be their constant companion—for them, this ‘reasons’ are not self-evident, they might have lost them somewhere along the way, might just neurological, but hey! aren’t we all wired in some particular way—being neurological doesn’t, make any difference in, say ‘value’ of how it is manifested. What reason could so justify the entirety of its being ? 
To be successful(all kinds of success)in life ?
To be a important functioning part of society ?
What reason could be there, to live when it views, say almost all parts of society with contempt!? Maybe even paradoxically wish to be a part of something(for it a valuable, justification to live); but knowing so acutely, that it could never be a part.
For all reasons die at bay, for it needs no money, no fame, no women; but only a distraction from this meaningless world.
Nothing of such kind exist ! To even ask this question is ridiculous ! 
One can only hope that he becomes numb to the whole, as fast as possible.",6.655810810810813,8.023725391891894,6.4468648648648665,75.2021891891892,65.35135135135134,9.523603603603604,31.91711711711712,9.725611199111238,3.0882987387387386,975,38,168,20,15,306,129,222,0.161,0.768,0.071,-0.9645,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,8,1,11,11,2,1,9,0,23,5,0,9,5,42,31,10,1,8,5,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,17,5,0,0,9,0,1,4,7,7,0,1,2,3,9,4,33,13,12,16,0,3,1,0,17,7,0,10,6,124,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858031258118066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827007984241521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010575268643047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463452938528212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925971767530142,0.0,0.20524222612945428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892954954862506,0.08952464904412871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131908748160592,0.07750877257857224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510649809979938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845959263031735,0.04709131934853636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156972888199366,0.0,0.0,0.3026526673979809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353745289574948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057196719721036474,0.0,0.08608408129975206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636013486062384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107169150019072,0.0,0.06353580460305057,0.06608707586551682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221896140179395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806371037245722,0.13033760805001682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711625656754805,0.0,0.05940455795052231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659918713922082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598901993236003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286028751641388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362834400038095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939020027538913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136028661232854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546383304102706,0.09566644508434162,0.0985357899506384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wehearteu,2019/03/19,"I want to sell my organs, all of them. I exactly know what am i doing. 

You know, i have stupidly mutilated my left wrist in attemp of suicide when i was younger. Now i am seventeen, and i am healthy as fuck (not in mental state though). 

I want to end my life, but then i realized i need to pay those who had been filled my empty plate since i was born.

So i want to die beneficially(?)

I am blind as hell in this big big scary world, so let me know if you can help me about anything related to organ harvesting activity. Educate me guys, i.. really need help.",3.2955263157894734,4.094970438596492,5.183289473684212,83.28177631578949,72.68421052631578,9.208771929824564,26.530701754385966,9.516144504307137,2.0727754385964907,426,14,95,10,8,147,75,114,0.238,0.664,0.098,-0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,2,1,0,6,3,3,0,0,0,12,4,1,0,2,15,21,10,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,4,1,24,0,13,16,1,14,1,0,1,1,7,7,2,1,5,64,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786558236772908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531681299727585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228726106521468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070659960954765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214964361870926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910367719994977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35793949421662885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358811343140273,0.22200072867604945,0.15334502744445289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187869888555591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219556396504503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390806146146546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795883905792994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374735214395737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133008676665278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38415581172468455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,electricuncalm,2019/03/19,This is it Today feels like the day. Wish me luck. ,-2.40909090909091,-0.8680969090909088,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,109.0,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-2.9281272727272727,38,0,10,0,2,12,11,11,0.0,0.494,0.506,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379590062700464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26496767183047765,0.3743704689967289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560168670414318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967235881423082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6026140022287805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuceCarter,2019/03/19,"I am really struggling I know people always say stuff like ""It's temporary, it will pass"" etc etc and they are usually right but I am finding it so hard today.  
I am nearly 30, been single for years now, never had a serious relationship as I keep being cheated on. 

On Saturday night I was walking away from a club to catch a taxi home when some random dude in a group walked round a corner, saw me and just went ""You're ugly you are"".  I have mastered living alone, running a house, being independent, enjoying my space. Now I would be OK with someone being part of that and sharing adventures but maybe Saturday night was a sign I just won't have the looks.

I feel like an outsider amongst my closest friends as they are all either married or in relationships. I have been told I don't get invited to stuff sometimes because it's not fair to make me an extra wheel.

One of my best friends says she doesn't really like people in her house as its her space so I haven't been in over 2 yrs but some friends of our in a group have been over 2 or 3 times recently including last night. Then I get told off for feeling left out or like an outsider.

I am just so angry and frustrated at the world all the time. It would be better if I was not around but I can't do that to my mum so what on earth do I do!   
I am in so much pain. I just want to hurt myself as punishment but I am sat at work. Ugh",1.9839792387543265,3.6535793287197262,3.6173619377162654,89.71751695501732,77.51211072664358,6.976941176470588,23.324705882352944,7.839951260653429,1.0290084705882352,1082,34,238,17,25,360,160,289,0.145,0.688,0.16699999999999998,0.6382,0,2,0,0,0,2,24.0,1,1,2,4,13,21,3,1,14,1,37,1,0,2,3,40,51,24,0,4,16,1,4,4,3,4,1,2,1,0,11,7,0,1,4,1,0,6,8,8,0,1,13,8,35,13,34,29,12,48,0,1,3,0,20,25,0,7,21,173,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505065895273635,0.0,0.0,0.09243169952399204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888928771511392,0.0,0.0,0.1043681053049046,0.0,0.0,0.06771644406078899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657695586841255,0.0982457410388956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24777849429063534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233592552757213,0.07935921547411473,0.0,0.0,0.10152976615806963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257472211090966,0.0,0.1160747566012895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951042755206196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142740959015908,0.0,0.0,0.25635457467488315,0.11891889382734575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873753824243356,0.0,0.0,0.06104946417067704,0.09054918036424282,0.0,0.0,0.12069428289291467,0.0,0.0,0.21708226902615324,0.0,0.0980901758014088,0.0,0.09328350396162076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741501648200944,0.0,0.1115999107622837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166032789100368,0.0,0.08567567496539216,0.0,0.0,0.3127375151979145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527413661452384,0.0,0.11820237526207016,0.0,0.0,0.12029433485922325,0.0,0.1540248386473817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232791523610475,0.0,0.109683131855923,0.23852764342624294,0.0,0.09486606585718252,0.0,0.17667865548616812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941220421813494,0.0,0.10986600134591228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613026251765762,0.25433171831737833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295492267365117,0.0,0.10529568309194093,0.21229314121191006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122344540332629,0.0,0.06552086831091561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297699780890944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087127361422954,0.0,0.0,0.15782333140646276,0.0,0.0,0.07153516038332226
suicidewatch,Juliana-009,2019/03/19,I’m done i don’t want to take antidepressants I just want it to be over I’m sorry I’m taking oxys I feel warm but I can’t ,-4.260860215053763,-3.318803483870969,0.12822580645161352,103.34567204301077,116.09677419354836,3.3569892473118284,8.39247311827957,5.46131890053228,-1.9221010752688168,96,1,28,1,6,36,20,31,0.05,0.7859999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,12,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,3,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106933118842081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292123723675756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492488395230884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.603490704545417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734220366293895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,softporno,2019/03/19,"hurting is an understatement The last 16 months have been fucked, my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer, she was my best friend prior to this. I moved back home to help out and cut my hours down. Eventually dealing with dying people (I’m a nurse) and dealing with my dying mum became too much. I began wanting to drive my car into polls on the way to work so I quit. I started looking for work as soon as I quit but 7 months have gone and I’m still unemployed. 
My mum isn’t my mum anymore, she hates every aspect of who I am. Before this I didnt kill myself because I couldn’t hurt my mum, now my mum is dying and I feel like I have nothing to live for.
On top of that, my dearest mum; who used to be my best friend, the person I live for. Said to me that maybe I should kill myself. Then has decided that if I don’t have a job in 2 weeks then I’m kicked out.
I do everything for her, I have run myself into the ground. I don’t eat for days because of stress, which leads me to be fatigue but I still bust my ass to try and fulfil her yet I still fail. I’m sorry if this is shambles I’m emotional, I feel like my only option is to kill myself. 

I’m sitting here with a noose ready
",1.328396564065855,2.841020236220473,3.2213886900501087,92.5305368647101,78.92125984251969,5.878024337866857,20.20687186828919,6.574015621080383,0.08469133858267686,916,22,210,8,22,308,132,254,0.123,0.695,0.182,0.9602,3,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,9,10,17,6,1,8,0,22,6,1,2,0,26,40,14,6,5,4,7,2,2,2,1,3,1,1,1,9,13,1,0,3,0,0,6,5,11,0,0,7,4,42,6,32,29,3,36,0,4,1,2,20,10,2,3,20,137,51,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636098777423766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824669292856436,0.0,0.13075451276817934,0.0,0.09125996877428814,0.0,0.22509987457238956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691659511440453,0.2211355212570631,0.0,0.10885424770015463,0.33391881641987115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974126199547343,0.0,0.12063932681710962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036088730475036,0.0,0.09638739685640688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845540852332992,0.15323568295564646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571875059044475,0.0991488522283324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577585367302633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588498748854212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718859318929351,0.0,0.1075782762374709,0.0,0.10561746817387303,0.0,0.22962195131461655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642688140363912,0.0,0.35596136342148843,0.0,0.0,0.087421261735599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479170425592924,0.0,0.18940352409445213,0.0,0.09006113122878102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774481855245754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120832302976655,0.11398742633711187,0.07883946457889025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290714547979167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156677586539357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435211273592822,0.0936446321100792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22814244875610254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102017206285784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005511863270507,0.07591053664645403,0.0,0.2569446671143596,0.0,0.12285197928498813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281420840883722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262765482962887,0.0,0.0,0.0632575243056996,0.0851283024757667,0.08602770678528365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615533457247366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onebyname,2019/03/19,"5 years of nothing but pain I feel like I have to end it, and I don't see any way out but to die. Born with heart problems, can't get anything right, every day ends by me considering what to live for, I can't sleep any more, there's only dark in my mind.",4.183157894736843,2.7572504736842127,5.2761403508771965,91.07631578947372,70.57894736842105,8.301754385964912,26.017543859649123,6.42735559955562,0.6256596491228064,195,4,51,1,3,65,47,57,0.149,0.737,0.114,-0.4761,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,8,7,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,9,7,1,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,6,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095354878695352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728565278413584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677552658037465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362005645092206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4031510920766016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917528292035416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507540511768033,0.16258901731776934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890541318014115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696930493700084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118807244757364,0.0,0.20096450294774296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297991498545841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183769646313901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309104091077387,0.2421698340094457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777111972838709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943590335712572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135828680589067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277525079150375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064887731757556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465593045610074
suicidewatch,Dusan99,2019/03/19,The only day when I will be legitimely happy is the day I die. Do you feel the same?,-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210551,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,86.89473684210527,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.3392315789473685,64,1,16,1,2,24,15,19,0.173,0.664,0.16399999999999998,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5944455724053447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783099166578743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330295338013899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906042936876946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350512123136882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,murstafa,2019/03/19,36yo living with parents and no will to live life dont know where to start. this shit hurt physical and emotional. im embarrased and anxious most of the time. im not gonna kill myself but i need help ,0.6007142857142861,2.9363366904761925,2.295523809523811,93.56614285714286,86.85714285714286,6.217142857142857,20.304761904761907,7.554174236665415,0.7306704761904772,159,5,35,3,5,52,36,42,0.17600000000000002,0.665,0.16,0.0757,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,9,6,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591828267780724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26888219200358715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807013434852577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377748360203602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456021986717909,0.0,0.4956326850161965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538226942096395,0.0,0.12608494870312284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620483369251622,0.0,0.0,0.40516964242714254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011433901216982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547472281708573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354995393001761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238686759681673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377846824287012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobleesw4ger,2019/03/19,"I think my friend just did it I was bartending and he came in tonight. I was talking him through his recent troubles and he got very erratic. I said I was worried about him and was willing to help him get the help he needed. I went to serve another customer and realized he snuck out. Got a text basically saying goodbye. I called the cops immediately and haven’t heard from him since. I’ve driven around looking for him. Called and called. Idk what else I can do and I feel so damn helpless. 

Even if you think nobody cares they do. People are there to help and you need to at least talk to a professional. 

Sitting here waiting to hear back from his wife who’s sleeping and has no idea what’s going on. What do I even say?",1.886022988505744,4.211789234482758,2.909655172413796,91.41919540229887,80.79310344827587,5.797701149425287,23.459770114942533,7.03164865440522,0.7581632183908047,569,20,120,7,15,181,95,145,0.105,0.7979999999999999,0.097,-0.0694,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,1,9,5,1,0,4,0,13,1,1,0,0,22,31,11,0,3,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,5,12,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,12,7,21,2,16,18,1,13,0,1,1,0,30,5,1,1,3,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589295277316194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492533175138016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165444301337834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642956308245157,0.17335042986482527,0.15453101746546485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661343576477066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021502266466928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663601573848461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709904514056042,0.0,0.07918666118572948,0.0,0.08613810455182719,0.0,0.2424413779476554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082521113518356,0.0,0.3047732602512424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109887787735945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727675575146466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476763395087693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507635828220528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496525386634871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417339500098414,0.24106176468308865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537645769889413,0.0,0.15167484974923193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24364504024026745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423396526781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250573208169213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050263595947318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153922011756685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sorrowskiss,2019/03/19,"I just don't have any fight left... In and out of pcp drs and psychiatrists and psychologists and other specialists offices and treatments for nearly 20 years... To no avail. Multiple mental (and other) disorder diagnosis.  
Major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, panic disorder with sudden onset agoraphobiageneralized anxiety disorder, insomnia cycling hypersomnia, dissociative disorder, borderline personality disorder, PTSD caused by childhood abuse with some being ""hidden"" by a self created amnesia and dissociative state, and thats just the tip of the ever growing and creeping closer iceberg. I have tried countless medicines, and nothing worked properly. Countless therapies. Apparently behavioural therapy was my last hope, and thats a no go since it caused an extreme increase in my already constant panicky state. Ha, and the medical issues that accompany prolonged panic ALONE are far worse than every somatic symptoms I have COMBINED. That fun little ""fight or flight"" response to EVERYTHING?! Yeah its constant since my panic is constant and guess what prolonged stress response does!? All that cortisol and adrenaline and stuff that should help you, POISON YOU. Now I'm battling adrenaline and cortisol dysfunction, and I have (what is assumed to be) permanent memory loss, hormone dysfunctions, and brain damage. I can't tolerate being around my KIDS! No one! My stupid panic response is too intense and my attacks that used to be maybe 20 minutes will last all day. I'm stuck cycling between sleeping 23ish hours a day for 4 or 5 days, and then being awake for close to the same time. How does insomnia even become comorbid to hypersomnia?! And why did it suddenly transform into some rare sighted form of non 24 circadian rhythm disorder?? Thats not even what its called, but I can never REMEMBER IT! Every suicidal episode gets stronger, just like my regular lovely little ""dramatics""... I am so fucking tired of fighting. I get called selfish when I talk about suicide being the peace I crave most of the time. How?! Better yet, how is forcing me to live this way any less selfish?? I don't know man... I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I need help. Anyone have any advice or ideas or maybe some lucky new info about coping with all of these things and more?? Doubtful, but at least I'm trying... Sorry for being such a bummer.. ",6.743775480489223,9.463820596534656,6.8025334886429825,67.45559988351778,67.04455445544555,9.90145602795574,36.13977868375073,10.194018383442646,4.563115550378567,1907,98,270,52,34,608,241,404,0.21,0.69,0.1,-0.991,1,1,0,0,5,1,78.0,0,2,0,4,19,27,8,6,11,2,27,11,2,6,5,69,43,34,2,4,11,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,4,23,29,0,0,6,0,0,3,9,20,0,1,3,2,23,7,34,31,14,43,0,4,1,2,15,13,1,13,24,181,46,1,0.0,0.0795589200779846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561585274557874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954465781645372,0.07409904086815157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698800166898234,0.0,0.051367726422027485,0.0,0.0665923711923475,0.0469511597181518,0.0,0.0,0.059775595711152325,0.0,0.07639008311067991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415924321386146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059386591130092925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495892311852824,0.13713040419403075,0.0,0.0,0.1379581535448964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768808688591626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299139314754935,0.0,0.11566825044807147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6156556905748629,0.0,0.11752262585543086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870070649264902,0.060738843994887125,0.1131494897629244,0.0,0.06034792872881404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033951841616652566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207686962158476,0.07016369399745047,0.0,0.0381615256837219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397064623412987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001523510261432,0.0,0.0,0.06669271282543762,0.06612685527102714,0.0,0.0,0.07580146157783485,0.0,0.07008464373908202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690256217803789,0.10946850407138577,0.0,0.0,0.07295605849279127,0.0,0.0,0.032804923185283746,0.13459906109207911,0.059292556629920265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060332614956487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491756895539622,0.0,0.0,0.0676441377273642,0.06766898252726704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978909090532017,0.05178836482031463,0.06485156572222092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442992843091155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045500948199145824,0.0,0.0,0.3151329401333414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863068999398367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849194530615558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606513555003183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004958598324627,0.0,0.0,0.11109036901854903,0.0,0.06719608823987286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751662352036455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691734326147434,0.0,0.07686793141062706,0.1468971409775383,0.0,0.0,0.06979206161166658,0.0,0.05397069339531451,0.0,0.0,0.15357825382070475,0.0,0.044609878479686685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830860532035748,0.0771762826994471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117761870979377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579939628445736,0.0,0.0,0.039605391294555266,0.10659727097445756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060590260392124076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888424892023298,0.0,0.06842913593525357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324084969167367
suicidewatch,Atreumal,2019/03/19,"I don't want to live. I think about killing myself every day. I'm severely depressed. My bf and I broke up yesterday and I feel so awful. The thought of suicide even occured while being with my bf. I don't see the point in living and I haven't before and now I feel like I have more of a reason to let go. All I want is to be loved and to have someone I can love back. I can see that it will never happen and I'll always be alone. Honestly, alone is all I've ever known. I don't have anything to live for. I'm not smart. I'm at the verge of not having a job anymore too. I don't know how much further I can carry on feeling like this. I can't sleep. I don't want to do this anymore. ",-0.8437700534759358,0.9780142792207798,1.888395721925132,97.65847593582892,88.02597402597401,4.402750190985485,18.14973262032085,5.5289334501034215,-0.5434815889992359,525,14,129,3,17,182,86,154,0.205,0.682,0.113,-0.904,1,2,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,5,1,22,3,1,2,4,25,40,9,2,3,2,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,8,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,1,5,19,6,16,34,4,15,0,2,2,2,4,7,0,0,9,87,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29818581144808315,0.0,0.0,0.1197812406159688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28552732680991216,0.0,0.0,0.11846185723832135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069172241579743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224942315512701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283840602506943,0.0,0.1239873492859364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508024401865382,0.13021461354252953,0.12128743414390512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836236801979986,0.20568149958839807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181236244004672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127298026275014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285210951781435,0.0,0.15926374678073346,0.0,0.07911334093132996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472026944653601,0.0,0.14065728334321512,0.0,0.38134199663876706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259848168813412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058227365099169,0.0,0.1110261813946354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608303811982184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800866365845253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22942536346175235,0.0,0.0,0.1626270189213443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405793864732272,0.0,0.12197173740015707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746228595083894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223989573102603,0.0,0.11428337776941533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25472335571888555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mazux2,2019/03/19,"Just left the psych ward but feel worse I was hospitalised last Tuesday after trying to hang myself, all I can remember from that day is passing out on the floor and being carried out of my bedroom on a stretcher by paramedics.

I stayed in the hospital until yesterday when I got discharged, yet I feel even worse. I'm disappointed that it didn't work, that I didn't get to end my suffering quickly and easily like I had planned. I feel no better and every day feels like the biggest fight of my life. I'm trying to hard to stay positive and to push myself to stay here for the people who care about me, but I'd still take the easy way out if I had a surefire and painless method.

Every day is just filled with sadness. I'm distracted from studying, I'm distracted from work. I feel isolated from everything and everyone. Everything just feels like shit.

I have a counsellor and a psychiatrist, but still have had no improvements working with them... I just feel like shit :(",6.590053475935829,6.827134208556153,6.626096256684495,77.83561497326204,65.20320855614973,10.436363636363636,33.57754010695187,10.230975488527342,3.3235497326203216,775,31,146,17,11,247,105,187,0.231,0.5920000000000001,0.177,-0.9274,0,0,1,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,1,5,13,14,3,2,10,0,12,3,2,0,1,29,27,13,0,1,8,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,12,0,0,8,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,7,8,19,6,25,19,1,31,0,3,0,0,3,9,2,1,18,96,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609902682384197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231200515097755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210191792646145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062531152901779,0.0,0.0,0.07923555181708725,0.0,0.20215086471560811,0.1146314102055722,0.2156330709380364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246042919956522,0.2571084133196275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267660350455016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594672821904762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746480621402504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977872405943705,0.0,0.0,0.13034199572142266,0.0,0.08473461419113462,0.2344347677653307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316841684117743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589661746037612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24628407774411215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835992197495067,0.1916079260637556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019852333518644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289631092030166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952223936182143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620071874182544,0.0,0.24450855288940165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brita_water_filter_,2019/03/19,"I'm going to go through with it tomorrow. I really started to spiral after I got evicted from my old apartment. Things weren't perfect there, but at least it was MY house, yknow? 

Then I got evicted, and I had no choice but to live with my grandmother. Feels pathetic but w.e.

I had 2 cockatiels, a boy and a girl, Pikachu and Chica. I still have Pikachu, but a family member I TRUSTED to take care of them make the dumb fucking decision to take them out near an open window and I haven't seen him since. I tried to look and get everyone to help look but they just got angry at me and uh yeah. He's fucking gone. 

Then about a week after, I saw my therapeutic mentor and told him about the bird but he was passive about it and literally said ""yeah, i don't think you're gonna see him again"" as if it was some small event. 

So flash forward like 3-4 months, I'm still hardcore grieving. An uncle I live with gave me some of his Adderall, and it helped. I hadn't felt so good in so long. Obviously I wanted to do this more often, and I did for a while, but then I stopped... 

...not for long. I do it sometimes and am still very much hooked, it sux 

Not long after I started doing Adderall, my parakeets died, 5 of them. Yes, some of them were old, but really, they died because someone turned the fucking heater down on the coldest night. Imagine waking up, going to feed your birds, only to find all of them dead except 2. Birds you've had for about 6-7 years. 

And now I'm afraid Pikachu is in a not good place too. The problem is it's fucking freezing here and this house is old as shit so it gets damp easily. The insulation is garbage. 

So basically, yeah, fuck it. I know it's irrational (I don't care) but i feel like im meant to die now, and i feel unhinged enough to take the leap. I'll do it far from home so no one gets traumatized tho :) ",1.7463668730650141,3.5085145500000046,3.1151393188854506,92.63509287925699,78.5,6.154798761609907,23.01857585139319,7.048011613610866,0.5992848297213622,1419,45,319,16,34,462,199,380,0.171,0.713,0.116,-0.9789,2,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,1,7,1,22,18,7,1,15,4,23,8,2,1,3,55,67,37,5,3,15,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,15,19,1,1,10,0,0,5,10,10,1,1,21,11,41,8,45,45,8,47,0,1,5,5,21,15,7,5,31,199,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527953916864819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491480488575385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282344033879083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369982087233764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665153034559986,0.0,0.0,0.0854878990242713,0.0,0.1375562084227245,0.06478398151350599,0.08706993888652324,0.0,0.08288265520972056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191750436942819,0.14213443594894354,0.0,0.1546117833591837,0.15212126215204871,0.21758253214169285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156585967463016,0.0,0.09096248242702597,0.0,0.0,0.20927210441057584,0.0,0.0,0.0979532439104781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983702692389433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860630501121476,0.0,0.16014957047673384,0.2407549088944931,0.1523018280879022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060531633008586085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072382336934728,0.0,0.06666246813141942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509988950083981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28546978616973945,0.0,0.061449174437353975,0.06896853784779937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474447534040274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677142175652634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618775430711273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626033673880949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226264168133255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308483686107807,0.07501394733856331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768354450615616,0.0,0.08968784479072882,0.0,0.12837184415349612,0.0,0.21725877737170032,0.07581508151090156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454708010372047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060245781963262274,0.05810603006886656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665153034559986,0.0,0.061567831206052165,0.09863710664819593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482300465524397,0.053487206193309066,0.0,0.07274046434263329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583969042555676
suicidewatch,chlomoefoe,2019/03/19,"finalizing my plans i thought i was getting better for awhile, i really did
i was going to therapy, taking my meds, i got clean off of the drugs i was using, started to feel like i wasn’t missing my ex as much...


then it all started to feel bad again. each time i feel like i’m doing well, i just sink back down and i’m so tired of these repeat cycles. my actions have cost me my friends, my job, and most of the good things in my life. i miss my ex, i miss my old life, i miss the old me and how things used to be.


i’m ready to call it quits but i still have more planning i need to do ",0.109358974358976,1.595244730769231,2.2503846153846148,98.22378205128206,82.46153846153845,5.256410256410256,18.525641025641026,5.985473137389443,-0.4869743589743587,445,10,114,3,12,150,77,130,0.08199999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.12,0.5589999999999999,1,2,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,7,11,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,3,1,16,30,8,0,1,2,2,3,2,1,0,4,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,5,1,0,7,3,25,6,14,22,5,16,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,13,74,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623271659428506,0.13707087970428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519056139563585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763077312963318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037922811793528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24902020056710664,0.23455895237315766,0.0,0.17983468316660295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683343649903772,0.0,0.08576941298723018,0.0,0.09329872673775896,0.13769377495202367,0.13129771074457794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290838612051894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23190912437829944,0.1604054088027465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235025593875115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206801305061417,0.1217262335210664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445270081370545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746096364107547,0.0,0.0,0.10516827343802802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323935992771369,0.0,0.13110234460132994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234316150876346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773693241242864,0.0,0.21812780215211755,0.0,0.0,0.13032863634747605,0.0957259050588158,0.18868346538050385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835716232479469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760400937559953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GetRichBefore30,2019/03/19,"i'm weak, i can't event suicide because it's too painful, which drugs to use? i have been useless all my life, i'm toxic to other and myself, today i want it to end, i cleaned my room, my computer.   
i will go far away from home to die so it's look like i'm just missing, i don't want to waste my family money and time for the funerals, i just want to disappear.   
i feel so embarrass i just want to be gone forever, hope no one will remember me.

i planned to have a OD somewhere in the woods so my body won't make a mess.",0.09796837944664104,1.7185057217391346,2.7498814229249007,93.96798418972332,83.08695652173913,6.616600790513835,22.62845849802372,7.686295010490155,0.8431739130434788,398,14,98,7,11,139,73,115,0.199,0.643,0.158,-0.7904,0,0,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,0,9,5,1,2,1,15,24,5,4,5,3,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,4,6,0,1,2,2,17,2,12,18,1,11,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,1,5,59,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734929982162167,0.0,0.0,0.1280447966624025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333186828158266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799919072283486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359182010081826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604234074194048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801685781539588,0.0,0.106207812161166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937650385398599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069771458734687,0.20862747877595195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836483544912293,0.10262003336853484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638946436702455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402102976398078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233561213125978,0.0,0.22350847442399532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23794619802152345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297610853059365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248209888544202,0.0,0.1991032535440441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814161358851612,0.0,0.0,0.4955727594014772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bug_on_the_wall,2019/03/19,"The only reason I am not killing myself is because my grandma is about to die Title. My grandma is on her death bed and I don't want to steal her funeral. But I'm so goddamn ready to follow a week after her. I'd say I'll meet her at the bar, but I'm going to hell for suicide, so *shrug*",0.0006666666666710341,1.4595558615384618,2.976538461538464,93.01762820512822,82.69230769230771,4.94871794871795,21.602564102564106,5.46131890053228,0.0147948717948716,221,7,52,1,6,79,46,65,0.302,0.619,0.079,-0.958,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,10,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,9,0,9,10,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,2,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233144545015128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801979590501829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819665877354854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052954706912906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786143234707593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37665345828155694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913243460963169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007111008661275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607391185784447,0.0,0.2938518909375185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1to34,2019/03/19,"Just done I'm a 29 year old male. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was 12. I've always somehow pushed through so far. I've abused drugs and been in and out of detention / jail / prison and mental health facilities since the same time. 

I can't maintain relationships because I hate myself and I hate other people. Sometimes I wish I could connect with people, but mostly I find comfort in the fact that I can put a bullet through my head when I want to.

Having the gun in my room and loaded has been a bit of a relief for the past few months. Knowing that I can just end it when I want somehow helped. However, the assurance that it is easy and available has slowly become not enough.

The alcohol and heroin isn't numbing me enough to get me by anymore. It's practically impossible for me to get a job that isn't minimum wage or close to it. My credit is fucked because of ER visits so I can't get a place to live without a cosigner which leaves me dependant on others and forced to bend to the will of them.

I want control over my life and I've never had it. I don't think I ever will aside from ending it. I've had so much time to do something with my life and I haven't been able to put anything together. I'm a fucking failure and I know it.

I've seen mental health professionals and been nothing but disappointed. I'm only posting here because I want to be able to admit to myself that I tried everything before I kill myself",3.60291343468818,4.915064713310585,4.827299100217194,84.1743833385045,72.51535836177473,7.375054297238598,27.311355879615263,7.84624498591911,1.6015952218430036,1143,41,229,15,22,378,155,293,0.147,0.742,0.11,-0.9444,3,0,3,1,1,1,21.0,0,0,1,1,12,12,5,1,15,0,26,10,1,2,4,46,47,20,2,6,7,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,15,17,1,1,6,0,2,4,9,8,1,0,10,1,33,4,32,33,7,28,0,1,1,2,6,11,2,5,12,155,48,4,0.21222561457470596,0.12572632494085836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340232002480753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829435618283643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523539146716168,0.0,0.0,0.08732179900035399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940561472567045,0.11719325878901853,0.09029418342398424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584770258165472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901453632791195,0.08472244214123742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859024343474777,0.0,0.0,0.1230571678666606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796890261349566,0.21928579133840653,0.0,0.0,0.09598510926427764,0.0,0.0,0.09536734899656067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698518346504947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619916091632236,0.16631868648909914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952885718782727,0.10890235382246773,0.2255859041757677,0.0,0.0,0.07112517796273322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053005877579292,0.0,0.11739809934308225,0.0,0.11663364759095288,0.0,0.0,0.1123581414374699,0.0,0.0,0.14990122783117926,0.0,0.0,0.09369955291148344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387350349403994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469823040153167,0.0,0.0780051228522958,0.0,0.08184073862707385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181810047045374,0.0,0.11134754115258903,0.0,0.0,0.08070357156825916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129668147019534,0.14713051944918387,0.0,0.11086529865552792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162673709212454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334535975564875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392544341707518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555522145518512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169082325251749,0.10494827970464876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093214573728437,0.0,0.11607018836682102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799280226236981,0.0,0.08424171607056445,0.12375046253169428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204363072050644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503523321044676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220244915537296,0.10228895958064976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833316884800905
suicidewatch,TeddehBear,2019/03/19,"All my mom ever wanted from me was to do good in school, but I can't even do that... I'm tired of going to bed every night hoping I don't wake up. I only stick around because she wouldn't be able to live without me. I have enough credits done for an Associate's, but that's not enough anymore. My stupid major has a three-strike rule where if you fail three classes, regardless of your GPA, you get kicked out of the program. This'll be my third one because the professor who teaches it fails 70% of her students. Now I'm gonna be stuck in a miserable shitty job for the rest of my life along with the dropouts who never gave a shit.

What's the point of existing if I'm just gonna hate the rest of my life? Everything that brought me joy is mostly gone now. I'm gonna struggle to make ends meet for the rest of my life because I couldn't finish this goddamn degree like normal adults are supposed to. If I'm just gonna miss out on all the good in life, why stick around? There's nothing for me here. I was never cut out for this shitty world...",3.961188311688311,4.2054507681818185,4.537662337662336,90.5186363636364,70.86363636363636,7.376623376623378,26.168831168831172,6.868970318607317,0.8863376623376622,819,23,185,6,14,261,128,220,0.196,0.695,0.11,-0.9761,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,3,0,3,11,15,4,2,12,0,16,7,2,1,5,29,36,5,0,9,9,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,1,9,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,9,0,3,7,0,21,6,32,20,9,24,0,4,0,0,11,13,1,5,9,118,30,12,0.14403574368149366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284475417315912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564446984550363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634085573703997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739857392824324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757291682808938,0.2976548528084854,0.0,0.095134250268175,0.13028857636186034,0.1213563262623443,0.0,0.1294500389425596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525273121749355,0.0,0.08185883243920855,0.2416206961409287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220547707335576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430599931811033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429332505240336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069468216209611,0.07036858883633987,0.0,0.12718620052791227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961449773632766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869292217801135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217849009821225,0.0,0.0,0.13516778819621506,0.14112444712381467,0.13820618072788224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976023475929257,0.10954567356896497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616033424572213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577186230702655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785062103979896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057743280869684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554789884802315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495601346078288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996985534576155,0.0,0.0,0.13884531698146033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NumberOneSayoriLover,2019/03/19,"I wanna rip my head off when I see the opposite gender. Knowing I’ll never be just like them, never be as pretty, or able to do the same things genuinely hurts me inside, I can’t look at anyone without feeling jealousy, I just want it to stop.",8.968,5.359138600000005,9.5,71.48,63.0,11.6,37.0,8.841846274778883,3.2156,190,6,37,2,2,65,41,50,0.221,0.716,0.063,-0.799,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,2,12,9,3,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,7,7,1,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,5,29,9,0,0.2928963050860697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479990669448106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809717240079193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005961096043706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135515524201072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609681493751811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143094339901221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595912845287055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517993739336622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979808403949497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340043374114236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448744260803251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945872903914632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275782942135648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823415860739501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xBDxSaints,2019/03/19,I’m so tired... I’m just tired of being tired. I’m so drained emotionally and my anxiety is so overwhelming I can’t function. Honestly just want a peaceful way out. I’ve battled depression almost 20 years now and idk how much more I have left in me to keep going.,2.112222222222222,4.107948,4.136814814814816,84.6396666666667,78.25925925925927,8.023703703703704,27.46666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.2802044444444447,208,9,43,5,5,71,41,54,0.28800000000000003,0.589,0.123,-0.8439,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,9,10,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,9,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225546812720546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230912070230694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940001623211296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25336635570027444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280099275018893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020498247216711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472553419082704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655784092362932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7766458633048556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328532645764364,0.17878620789996566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504813250986834
suicidewatch,soteria_95,2019/03/19,"I have a useless degree, no skill set, and I’m pretty sure my husband hates me We were bad off in the last place we loved. I was overweight and couldn’t find work. Now we’re in a new place with lots of opportunities, but I still have no skill set. I’m an office manager making $10/hr. I’ve never made more than $12/hr. 

My husband thinks I’m useless and lately I’m inclined to agree. I feel so alone sometimes it hurts. I feel like such a burden and don’t even want to talk to my family anymore because I feel like it just drags them down and makes them worry. 

My husband says I’ve gone for what’s easy my entire life and I have. Now I don’t know if I have the strength to do what’s hard. I know how to do what’s easy though. 

Easy would be pulling the trigger. I feel like everyone would be better off if I did.

Most days I just muddled through and then get shit on by lie. Most days I can barely remember what I’m supposed to be doing, much less function like an adult. I should be so much further…but I’m here. Wanting to eat a bullet. 

Because that would be easy ",0.1669565217391309,2.2017800434782617,1.952782608695653,97.44830434782612,85.52173913043478,4.549565217391304,19.634782608695648,5.6839178017228535,-0.335107826086956,830,24,195,5,25,272,127,230,0.157,0.645,0.197,0.8992,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,2,6,12,16,2,0,9,0,23,5,1,5,2,41,45,15,0,9,5,3,5,4,0,4,2,1,0,1,7,10,2,0,9,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,5,6,25,9,19,30,7,22,0,3,0,1,11,8,1,5,14,116,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547573150257902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972456092292536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921767886883801,0.1594764406809278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568741765942545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871830227870585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384735630425132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639623426290054,0.0,0.0,0.12499089036282213,0.0,0.0,0.12331240512053222,0.0,0.2645580968140141,0.2803438380716229,0.0,0.0,0.11955445944208674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834081917776576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717662538802302,0.12914400098874992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003069845393545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437752880626373,0.10662447793405704,0.14755504470613925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923922583985215,0.2556211277732824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120671858786603,0.1180576653820157,0.12377195027126794,0.1746282535272722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923151550191283,0.0,0.10088577365455964,0.12633340332903045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733291906680498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307688922072025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817787884845002,0.0,0.0,0.1040223076980103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427064233188124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937063581457034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446196743254599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328325669558696,0.0,0.0,0.105137035640166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381530487447812,0.12851638693803352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430572312935584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522844154185857,0.1328400038015145,0.0,0.2787628267202892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,craft-daddy,2019/03/19,"Need help Figured you guys would be better equipped to help out in this comment section. I’m trying to get him to some help, but not sure of how successful I’m being. The link: [https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/b2tfub/i_kinda_just_want_to_have_a_conversation_with/?st=JTFDXEUI&sh=7a24cf16](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/b2tfub/i_kinda_just_want_to_have_a_conversation_with/?st=JTFDXEUI&sh=7a24cf16)",32.968243243243236,43.136293864864854,13.212094594594591,16.813817567567607,15.756756756756758,5.8621621621621625,25.466216216216218,7.1686216300943375,1.2578162162162174,391,6,29,2,4,79,31,37,0.055,0.652,0.293,0.863,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,10,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,6,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,18,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5969312457636661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24362592586363005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391880883258362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27275311980290584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5539140547484841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042534036537835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25962198969957634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702228359558468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568204601133635,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roseExecutioner,2019/03/19,Why do I even exist I wish I didn't fucking exist since all I seem to do is bring hatred all around me just by being alive. I wish I didn't have a best friend so I could just go and nobody would remember or mourn for me. I feel like I don't deserve to be loved or mourned for. ,2.444047619047616,2.2934657460317496,4.038214285714286,94.16303571428571,74.07936507936508,6.934920634920636,22.099206349206348,5.985473137389443,0.034273015873015567,214,4,55,1,4,72,42,63,0.219,0.574,0.207,-0.2254,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,2,15,19,4,2,4,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,11,4,6,13,3,3,0,2,0,2,2,1,1,3,1,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227894498085639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626383146079773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981672306094028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529807325233625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265418106464858,0.1787897997976486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335458732127064,0.23136652114117776,0.0,0.0,0.14223171195173162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226713427965058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22587448153045314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835021466066915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278324094869001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702229645914935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582578418370255,0.0,0.5755861946188113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777815068923109,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emtodd23,2019/03/19,Please help I’ve done something I think I might regret. I’ve texted the hotline but no one is connecting. I’m scared. Please help. ,0.6600000000000001,3.166710769230772,1.0142307692307675,99.36826923076923,95.15384615384615,4.138461538461539,18.03846153846154,5.985473137389443,-0.3143538461538462,104,3,22,1,4,31,19,26,0.263,0.43,0.307,0.1154,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30504534929051363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996013650716115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162220134334001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199070736974928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6544175672700584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984359682074381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948107421702174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100139625185286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isolationisland,2019/03/19,"I put too much hope into one guy I finally worked up the nerve to ask this one guy, who I had known for years.

The look on his face was heart dropping, mortifying, and I regret even doing it. 

I want to take it back, it was like I had hurt him, betrayed him. 

I feel like shit and ashamed. 

He of course said no, and I'm hoping we can stay friends but now I just want to die.

We still plan to hang out Thursday but I don't want that day to come. 

Somehow I had thought he help me. That being with him would make me feel better, even though I thought I was fine, recovered after my recent breakup, but I guess not.

I put all my eggs in one basket and now it's all gone.  

I keep losing people cause I'm too afraid to meet new ones.

I'm afraid.",0.21629716981131966,2.0417094150943456,1.7183294025157243,100.44277712264154,83.7798742138365,4.729716981132077,17.484669811320757,5.602791699666715,-0.7692990566037738,563,12,141,3,16,181,101,159,0.13,0.73,0.14,-0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,2,0,0,4,11,14,1,3,2,0,11,4,3,2,2,34,32,8,1,7,5,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,8,10,1,1,5,0,0,5,3,7,0,4,10,4,25,7,15,20,3,23,0,3,1,0,16,5,1,4,13,88,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277849207828281,0.0,0.0,0.10510471067655572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208895154930531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041632987339192,0.0,0.11774469387120365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815251576160267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418606662221479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056240016029812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822721947932035,0.09765000504985122,0.0,0.1497351309057671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056048860153279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057735111218876,0.2706854156453664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197605513181784,0.09161915132247872,0.0,0.0,0.2715242477118376,0.0,0.0,0.1463274367493056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214946625969159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355780132145706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478357716239385,0.15291901902601232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124036730795684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048148010649133,0.0,0.0,0.13201421751841358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704935728821073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476231702810396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274818585475358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496300732846753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002168315929366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030836909358296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569132632424353,0.10915929221921483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277243920704122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342953630064956,0.21703016437803047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418665463062122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951056382851052,0.0,0.0,0.09709930357018408,0.0,0.0,0.08802265409178381
suicidewatch,RadBoi17,2019/03/19,"Nothing is wrong but still i see no other way out then to kill myself I am 15 and i am already chainsmoking and drinking to get my mind off things everyone tells me they are here for me but when i need someone noone has the time or they are busy really i dont care or blame them but atleast tell me the fucking truth you piece of shit.
Killing myself would mean that i dont have to live on this pathetic life of mine my failed relationships and friendships to finally for fucking once feel at peace 
but the thing is i cant bring myself to do it and i am well about 100% ready to do it but cant step over the edge of life
i have nothing or noone to live for just a bunch o fake fucks telling me how ”important” i am to them and that they are ”here for me”
fuck man ",3.2876185164528726,3.8100590000000025,3.871299498047964,93.70006692693808,72.49693251533742,7.399665365309538,25.247629670942555,7.348242739294969,0.7787349693251542,599,17,144,6,11,189,97,163,0.238,0.643,0.119,-0.9846,0,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,1,5,1,8,13,7,0,5,0,19,8,1,1,1,22,30,16,2,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,6,1,0,2,1,0,2,5,10,1,0,0,2,27,3,21,29,2,15,0,1,1,4,11,5,5,3,7,104,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432569782783132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235772147585773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30429058140019993,0.1271718512760327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240463047404522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563969222813583,0.0,0.0,0.14220886371608735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800572130907199,0.0678243514973699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872479379094989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338805664465596,0.0,0.0,0.22926268404235103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414094519244015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107879529354488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625812467683482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24912702646513,0.0,0.0,0.13825153477319588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316449530900158,0.0,0.0,0.13937554730484006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344784028165596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325592743638034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999405313398176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367252372000957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403989808877241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724901245006381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569770161630499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304318891041722,0.0,0.0,0.11672163613620933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221871677548632,0.1419351947874263,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zachary_Pottery,2019/03/19,Girl I loved more than life left me a month ago today. I really can't go on without her. I want to kill myself so much. Only reason I haven't is my little siblings already struggle with depression and will probably kill themselves if I do.,3.213750000000001,5.007999541666671,4.823333333333334,81.855,74.41666666666666,7.3000000000000025,26.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.8478583333333327,190,7,35,3,4,64,42,48,0.301,0.627,0.07200000000000001,-0.9092,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,6,8,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,5,7,2,7,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273817848186454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523878731774161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969881349522905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299815246145732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060688630660019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484947743273277,0.0,0.1615450854085584,0.0,0.2292281408956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642027771428445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255464697832494,0.0,0.16812863264430386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739447441545025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465887475606097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146517889370347,0.23515262467318926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390980142986767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167909397232079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348994583206338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046889076076825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,honestlyigotnoclue,2019/03/19,"No one cares... I just feel like no one cares, and no one would care if I killed myself. Well, I know my family loves me, but they're almost obligated to, and we're not that close. Everyone who knows who I am really hates me, and it would be better for them if I was gone. My friends are leaving me; I have one role model that I really care about that I don't think even cares. And the worst thing is that I can't talk to anyone about it; I'm ostracized, or it makes them hate me even more. I hate who I am too, but I can't tell anyone that because they'd immediately put me in a hospital or tell my school's admin. I just feel so alone. People would be better off without me.",3.5165900383141766,3.4491063448275874,5.016091954022991,87.79532567049809,71.75862068965517,8.651340996168582,22.31800766283525,8.515128840125781,0.8724329501915711,520,9,125,8,9,176,83,145,0.188,0.631,0.181,-0.4791,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,2,9,16,4,0,2,0,15,1,0,1,0,25,32,11,1,5,10,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,5,1,4,2,2,26,11,8,24,2,5,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,5,1,89,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535171989211852,0.11930786573660065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109483706469951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022214813635785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037622346148693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872477871820624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217117048583434,0.0,0.0,0.11007430039543184,0.0,0.0,0.10859612796036236,0.0,0.11649267933133882,0.08229573573009462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899980892870862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411953187429709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274468266973999,0.0,0.12661694145634986,0.0,0.0,0.12197547200466638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627873504272727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396849630818136,0.0,0.07689393515196569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122379886006049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986210134177736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580336156896565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759445931148746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658406330333315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258983282819426,0.2013720051552937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653081572746358,0.07381266762487362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357464872158803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104441534981792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24549487597390385,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xlime4,2019/03/19,"I nearly went to the hospital last night My boyfriend of (a total of) a year and a half broke up with me again yesterday, over text and blocking me. After struggling to make friends and finding happiness in anything, this broke me. I nearly went for all of my pills. I called emergency services and had my mum watch over me. It took 3 hours for them to arrive.

Once they did, they were very good, and just talked to me like a friend would. It gave me contact with people that I just so desperately needed. As I’m sleeping tonight, I keep going between being okay with the breakup and being so hurt and devastated that I want to die. I think about all the free time I have now that I can use to do what I want, and the money I can spend on myself since I spent so much money getting to and from his house - he always insisted that I go to his house instead of mine.

However, I just think about the fact that I have no friends. I struggle to make friends because of my disability. My boyfriends laugh, smile, and his caring attitude toward me haunt my mind. I was leaving his house yesterday, but I was having a really bad depressive episode. He brought me a cup of tea and some toast, and you know what, it did get me out of bed. Later, when I was gone though, he broke up with me.

I’m so confused. Why am I suicidal and hurting so much one minute, yet feeling really calm and accepting the breakup another minute? It doesn’t make much sense to me. I just want the pain to end.",3.6432467532467503,4.944600040816329,4.271478045763762,88.24029684601116,72.4013605442177,7.658379715522572,27.30921459492888,8.150884317080207,1.5842639455782312,1148,41,243,17,22,365,161,294,0.173,0.711,0.115,-0.9763,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,3,0,17,24,0,3,13,1,18,4,1,4,4,48,45,23,2,5,5,1,1,1,4,1,2,0,1,0,12,19,1,2,6,0,5,7,2,11,0,2,14,2,48,14,40,28,7,32,0,6,1,0,20,10,0,2,16,171,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204492445610687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599499599957275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103105498289313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236330304308606,0.06743308854116277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295566156226199,0.0,0.11278473552747065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527707460575,0.0,0.11480637334036385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797672348008912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593293119211951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110492075978766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34185977814192536,0.0,0.11558904853689797,0.0,0.12573609492847093,0.09278303232953114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775733210186146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893868107618344,0.3829228108123604,0.2368425692724749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983243767593796,0.0,0.0,0.060794006240437015,0.09017028258823433,0.0,0.11713089134740046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054043475225958856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215196633110233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169493623489501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439558750027317,0.08202352694646035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380962775478272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780697500527715,0.07495915637020276,0.0,0.11770776430120268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669016533652719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173235235712614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915062286838373,0.0,0.11070015648450003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312886443839781,0.0,0.12100061863191815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891238107656835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176200197528396,0.10868385151286074,0.0,0.06450356776797195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290318782887585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955403942433826,0.0,0.0912733060679074,0.19574010015075036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050921931080032,0.0998175858526349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785814644301132,0.0,0.0,0.07123582566746266
suicidewatch,MorganJohn12,2019/03/19,"A lingering thought I'm currently lying here at 4:40 am, trying to get to sleep, but I never can, this happens on an almost nightly basis because I'm always restless when I'm trying to get to sleep, my mind is always racing and thinking about some of the stupidest things, but it all ends up coming to the feelings of suicide and depression, I wouldn't say I'm suicidal but I have suicidal thoughts regularly, I wouldn't say I'm suicidal because I'm too much of a coward to act on the thoughts. It's really hard to place these thoughts out of my mind because it feels like nobody cares about me, I'd say only 10% of the people around me truly care, and most of those are family and don't notice or know that I have these feelings, and the other 90% just make me more and more depressed the more I think about them because although it may be narcissistic but I just want to be valued as a person and actually talked to or whatever, it just seems whenever in my group there could be 2-3 different conversations going on and I'm stuck there, unable to contribute and no-one taking an effort to talk to me, sometimes I do talk though but some days I just sit there, put headphones in and just listen to music because I know these people around me don't care about me so I just drown them out, and none of them care, they never ask if anything is wrong with me. Last weekend I was violently ill with a virus or something, vomiting etc. But none of my friends said anything to me when I missed school that day, and despite being quiet I'm in school almost all the time, I feel as though the people around me are kind of normalizing depression and are just ignoring me because I'm always like it and 'everyone' is depressed nowadays, and I know that my friends aren't just going to magically cure my depression by suddenly paying me 100% of their attention to me, I don't want that, I know that I'm the only one that can solve this but I at least would like to have some of my friends actually care because I lack the motivation to self care if I can just kill myself and no-one would care. ",7.1804419321685495,6.0311880239808175,7.576348064405618,76.11165467625901,64.44364508393286,10.724631723192877,34.00582391229874,9.842372674337009,3.0616370674888667,1654,59,327,29,21,545,181,417,0.189,0.669,0.142,-0.9799,2,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,5,2,26,25,2,1,16,0,29,4,2,2,4,86,76,36,6,11,21,0,5,3,3,5,2,6,0,2,20,24,0,1,17,1,1,5,10,11,0,1,7,11,45,14,52,59,15,34,0,6,0,0,21,15,0,13,16,228,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.12819164034678987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154137872462066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639571947641126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810081055242522,0.17541179367564064,0.06140348065674209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802724889602853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687677700498018,0.0,0.0,0.05657892956589005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244145661389538,0.0,0.0,0.08471846698735222,0.0,0.2828575642092962,0.0,0.0,0.06862334940414297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817445060621802,0.0,0.07325240701328772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276163567264015,0.0,0.0,0.06191881841649685,0.0,0.13284247226569892,0.046922987152761636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223645018460666,0.0,0.06863190721106358,0.0,0.07465679585949365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058082070224378377,0.0,0.058837861308171015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266701924138029,0.06839733587536717,0.14438767852477266,0.05353931489292938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962662161516299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0438430144557482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263949477310405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828357354124427,0.0,0.10131548230883326,0.0,0.0,0.06163778342207728,0.06435407594855994,0.0,0.07477899906961566,0.0,0.0,0.04450758899513841,0.0999077160672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660616757384658,0.05735068731606317,0.06862334940414297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602820424339545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04207734979613968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062478294449133526,0.15669806396174835,0.0,0.13294668201376952,0.0,0.059794111495375925,0.06852029035914603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145817816242605,0.0,0.0,0.05056494660775511,0.064960835851018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873802781680017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938443005822783,0.15837727791349965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363597276713978,0.0841723042863919,0.12906378427348286,0.2085755880846744,0.03829950098101921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918706399984702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748148324358613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331672582382096,0.07181257839975531,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,solnishkamoya,2019/03/19,"I just want it to stop Made a throwaway account just so I could post here, I just need to let it out. The past months have been horrible for me and I just want to die, I can feel myself becoming more and more isolated and pushing people away and not caring about anything, I feel like I'm drifting further and further away. I don't care about the future. I hate myself so much and feel like I'm ugly, stupid, unlovable, worthless, like the world would be better off without me, I don't contribute anything positive. I don't think my friends wouldn't care at all if I died, of course they're empathetic and they'd be sad but I feel like they'd get over it, they don't need me. I always felt like I didn't fit in, like they just kept me around because they had to and because they were nice, but I know I'm not important to anyone. I'll never amount to anything and I'm just not good enough, I feel like I fail at everything I try, I feel like I am rejected by everyone. I'll never accomplish anything. At best, I'm unnecessary. More likely is that I'm a burden to my family and my friends, that I weigh them down and irritate them and upset them.

I've gone to therapy and gotten as much help as I can without letting my parents know how I feel. I'm at college and I'm pretty good at managing to keep functioning while I'm depressed (even though the procrastination and lack of motivation kills me and stresses me out) and my professors and peers and friends and family think everything is fine. I don't want them to know. My little sister is bipolar and has depression and anxiety (all of which run in our family) and my parents are too worried about her. I don't want to add to their problems, I don't want them to have to worry about me too. I have gone to counseling at my university because that way my parents don't know but they only offer short term counseling and I don't know how to get a therapist or psychiatrist or anything. I don't want to call a hotline or text because I'm fucking stupid and it gives me anxiety, even posting on this subreddit makes me anxious even though I don't know anyone and nobody knows me. 

I don't know how to talk to my friends, none of them have experienced depression or anxiety and they don't understand. I don't know how to tell them I want to die. I don't know how to tell them that I feel like they wouldn't care if I was dead, that I feel like nobody cares about me, I feel like they'll just be offended and think I'm selfish and won't know how to react. I feel like a psycho when I talk to my friends about my anxiety because I know how irrational I sound and I sound crazy when I freak out over everything, have mental breakdowns at least once a week, and seek validation, any sign that I'm important to someone and that someone cares. I don't want people to see me differently, I don't want anyone to know I've drafted a suicide note and think about killing myself and how much better off the world would be without me, crying alone in my room every night. I don't want people to judge me, I don't want people to be afraid of me.

I'm afraid for myself, I've struggled with depression and anxiety for almost 10 years now (since I was 12 and I am now 21), I've never felt this endangered. I just don't know what to do, I try so hard to stay strong but I can't find any other solution. I always come back to the realization that I am worthless, I am not good enough, I can't find a point to living anymore.

Sorry that was so long, I feel like a rambling lunatic but I just never tell anyone about this because I don't want to have to medically withdraw from school and be put in a hospital. I don't want people to worry about me or draw attention because I'm afraid they will judge me and view me differently. I just don't know what to do I don't know how to get better but I'm too much of a coward to actually off myself so I just sit here feeling like this and it immobilizes me. ",3.9319054008721888,4.632157134071342,5.197049312311304,84.13034753438446,71.14022140221401,8.569553840992956,27.942949793134304,8.789673983102933,1.9341460762607627,3102,107,660,54,55,1035,268,813,0.232,0.639,0.129,-0.9985,5,2,0,0,0,6,68.0,1,0,20,8,51,63,7,6,17,0,70,4,0,13,6,162,157,73,7,24,31,4,16,15,5,7,2,2,1,0,22,46,1,3,40,0,1,7,42,27,0,0,14,21,123,36,89,125,17,64,0,9,2,1,40,33,1,8,34,434,145,8,0.0,0.0,0.038785545212607984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03979903898608881,0.04116400175254301,0.0,0.0,0.06614231810283157,0.0,0.0,0.054056146729602746,0.0,0.15202470231726525,0.04490072052307972,0.03941652127619268,0.11116296673845544,0.0,0.16353441081876496,0.03538162101692041,0.0,0.0,0.07468377684730343,0.03056157657796015,0.0,0.1695979747667148,0.04389540927326863,0.0,0.0,0.04171009587737203,0.1054540989104556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405842546056391,0.0,0.2431370517760283,0.0,0.0,0.034236938147016144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03173327809849176,0.0,0.043658194628526464,0.0,0.0,0.1369298006102633,0.0,0.12374761091794745,0.08305047080307942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213475466145073,0.0,0.07875391479713366,0.0,0.033487013533039456,0.03797820593313553,0.10716116759873576,0.0,0.1124046057000678,0.0,0.2612525282600609,0.31233347171169074,0.07632317759257717,0.0,0.0726527168137816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353506946497406,0.03674376221160625,0.06229562082896496,0.03812718141101101,0.0,0.10000906962249116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03560385878217482,0.03924011942264448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02664034457757388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03532732653815582,0.0879442669624155,0.0,0.34948642943744435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128424278170114,0.0,0.2912621812853832,0.0398350941729281,0.03509570658135209,0.035173218033737214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760783367894308,0.02653020454111117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003906973426346,0.04005377555666381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031724209452098764,0.0,0.11686907006067394,0.05894106864953825,0.12261567787715234,0.0,0.0,0.03729814251935008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423273008347523,0.0,0.030227987005471087,0.0,0.0,0.13239689803124638,0.0,0.03794125478806809,0.13777145619436668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757202525802295,0.0,0.07612975804003644,0.040435118824218484,0.0,0.038030752733816585,0.0,0.0399548659188939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022422626125948,0.031671748624638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032877609068401266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735189427985183,0.0,0.0,0.044491455344005934,0.0,0.042363054876817435,0.0,0.033228735453080034,0.04552794926639468,0.041550273360572015,0.0,0.04347475678579227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389131206524,0.10421707138018146,0.0,0.04545205705169403,0.046147196926905824,0.0,0.10186838095581023,0.07809884055945472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053968712683415666,0.0,0.0,0.04137611576690305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047554452350122,0.031547859943389614,0.031881171901503635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493875478826228,0.0,0.0,0.12108942513861087,0.0,0.056467646076470326,0.0,0.0,0.02559458150167759
suicidewatch,AdorableFail,2019/03/19,"Do you feel supported here? This is the question my advisor asked me on Friday before we left for spring break. Like always I told her yes, but I don't feel supported at all. I don't remember a time when I wasn't sad, I can hardly talk to people because I always feel like they're against me or just have no interest in my problems. For so long I've struggled with depression anxiety and ADD, and it just always feels like the fight gets harder and harder. When I was 7 my grandpa ended it all, and now that I'm 19 it feels like that would just be easy. But then I think of my mom, I'd leave her alone and I love her so much. But I don't want anyone to know I feel this way. I don't want to go back into a psychiatric hospital; ever again. ",1.817555988315484,3.2002057215189907,3.638607594936712,90.62289678675756,77.22784810126579,7.140019474196688,21.647517039922104,7.882392219407189,0.7794648490749752,576,15,131,9,13,194,97,158,0.153,0.647,0.2,0.8784,0,1,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,1,0,0,12,13,1,1,4,1,12,1,0,0,3,33,30,14,0,4,7,2,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,10,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,7,23,8,12,25,3,19,0,2,0,1,13,5,0,2,15,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169632105129332,0.0,0.0,0.3415164734462413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466106360003608,0.0,0.0,0.09566236731960433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279010671131895,0.0,0.0,0.10520024249966907,0.0,0.08339953100165436,0.0,0.11641722237908855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178362656854834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117512283795667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237545917861677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415058571086188,0.2932162834152496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147879954378941,0.0,0.0777536041569033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255698158287752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518848265520461,0.0,0.0,0.1448645111103862,0.14864700483702276,0.0,0.0,0.2673583894822312,0.0,0.0,0.12107461332054947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347847596761492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023295598359752,0.0,0.0,0.1005728097806982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484844843791296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091092993310152,0.0,0.0,0.15326112880501966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498170824499233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302596014015806,0.0,0.0,0.3105060382478547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996457440177487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766382153308393,0.0,0.0,0.07977637412378749,0.0,0.0,0.1307300513007401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139092250757067,0.10859526529739326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971875591149012,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thrasher8er,2019/03/19,I don’t want to be alive anymore I’m so alone I’m a bad person I care to much no one cares about me I’m sitting in the moonlight on my back porch and when everyone goes to sleep I want to get the knife and slit my throat and lay peacefully on the floor ,-0.43649425287356536,1.3124144310344832,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,85.72413793103449,5.2459770114942526,18.287356321839077,6.42735559955562,-0.4051126436781609,199,5,52,2,6,66,41,58,0.133,0.637,0.23,0.6393,0,3,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,10,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,8,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889933987258417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767251473273649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145586801491951,0.2329803859863431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689842253540909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662740119645256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457829043389571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051209085902112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907956524891487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24364031548939125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27923389849404057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291610598843849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fish_OW,2019/03/19,"Im 30. My life keeps repeating im done. I want to die I'm sitting here in my car in the condo complex I used to live where my fiance kicked me out today. I want to die no way around it I've had failed relationships, failed jobs, I've been poor my whole life, I have a messed up family. I am so tired of being me and who I am I cannot take it anymore for the first time in my life I lived chittum Italy want to die.  I have nothing to live for I've lost everything I've had over and over again and I never seem to learn my lesson I fall back into the same patterns the same routines I can't do it. I just can't do it anymore this is the final straw I'm homeless I have no money I have no will to carry on I want to die. nobody can convince me anything or any other reality is better I'm so over it I have nothing I've had nothing for 30 years of my life and I want nothing more than to never wake up again.",-0.6420310421286004,1.1588801073170742,2.1465299334811507,96.26972838137472,86.95121951219512,4.7028824833702885,18.09866962305987,5.852544927426893,-0.4498292682926833,702,18,172,5,22,245,101,205,0.197,0.747,0.056,-0.986,1,0,0,0,0,5,11.0,0,0,0,6,9,6,0,0,6,0,22,6,1,1,2,24,35,7,4,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,8,7,0,1,4,0,2,2,8,4,0,1,6,0,28,2,27,27,4,28,0,3,0,0,2,13,0,2,11,114,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344732287572991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142245158014708,0.0,0.0,0.08887917766525094,0.09614763537236548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304942613615998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552193068179886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483698911383101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052694343723576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706821952780596,0.0,0.101817805708188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831455140402712,0.0,0.09186927203814672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333285639440552,0.0,0.10717861696315256,0.09600009307224036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30514941316297506,0.0,0.0,0.2861120352206862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790056787955025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660072586597935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145360789561903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595729636785965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832398909453158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120656099824068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629787720330112,0.12413622984599765,0.10237641688120658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328192094183113,0.0,0.0,0.3185216872927211,0.08572959766780887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058408533994015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695518865163001
suicidewatch,SirNoodlehe,2019/03/19,"My girlfriend wants to kill herself and her mother is helping. My girlfriend (20F) wants to kill herself. She's very sure sure of it. She told me very calmly over video chat that it's something she's wanted for a long time as she's been depressed for a long time.  

She has a terrible relationship with her mother and today she told her mother about her plans to kill herself. Tomorrow morning they're going to go and buy medicines that my girlfriend can overdose on.  

What can I do? In the past I've relied on contacting her mother but it's evident her mother is completely on board. It makes me sick.  

I love her very much and I know she's making a mistake. She's convinced she'll never be happy in this life and that suicide will make her happy.  

I've seen her and I've encouraged her to get professional help or to call a hotline but she doesn't want to. She seems very pleased about her plans to take her life.  

What can I do? She said she'd say goodbye to me tomorrow. What can I say to change her mind?  

Thank you all so much",1.6416746411483274,3.957084531100481,2.7379665071770347,92.35326555023924,81.67942583732058,5.522488038277512,22.418660287081337,6.7829847944221076,0.5623952153110046,813,27,170,9,22,259,106,209,0.158,0.71,0.133,-0.7742,0,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,2,3,15,3,0,6,0,15,4,0,3,4,25,34,11,4,5,3,5,0,0,3,2,3,3,0,0,11,7,0,0,2,2,1,2,2,6,0,0,5,4,41,9,23,25,3,17,0,1,1,1,51,6,0,2,9,108,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902233292852915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330662089474607,0.0,0.12221252438936048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003942568025343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060898577493024776,0.0,0.1324891833196034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816378731893016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625744478757328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868741186675009,0.0,0.06405915693583822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466168171623244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630653477112396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520131263295338,0.0,0.2334171368850536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176938960217824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137224153768688,0.0,0.08989942144042669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127114943942128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127949533990448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514343861445812,0.0,0.0,0.11087668726563472,0.1853887806019023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061132199438782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973474421898743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749937202065592,0.0,0.2197156853487432,0.0,0.08763974842200058,0.0,0.0,0.10731417684777612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359359063861651,0.0,0.11048668124253136,0.22275903374476744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847018085521614,0.27500399177736384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thisisaburner2,2019/03/19,"I think, more than I ever have, that I'm gonna kill myself in the next few weeks I'm falling back into my old ways again.  Depression hit me hard today: one thing after another and after I was done with my last class today I was ready to end it.  Haven't felt this way in many months, but classes are so much harder this semester than they ever have been, among the many other things that will only get worse.  I quit abusing alcohol to distract me from depression years ago, but it's so intense that I didn't know what else to do.  I got home in time to get blasted on Triple Sec before I started planning.  People who say alcohol doesn't fix things haven't had enough.  Hopefully I don't feel this bad tomorrow, but I probably will.  Hopefully gonna wake up tomorrow not remembering anything, and I'll count that as a success.  I wish I could forget everything and everyone I've ever known, they full me with so much guilt.  In the meantime, if the combination of the alcohol and meds don't kill me tonight, something in the next few weeks probably will.  Goodnight Reddit, and perhaps goodbye.",5.867659804983744,6.244062779342723,6.3117370892018805,78.99334777898159,66.74647887323943,9.746334416756953,31.87757313109426,9.661875296680813,2.885211917659804,864,33,165,17,13,280,131,213,0.206,0.7390000000000001,0.055,-0.9879,0,0,4,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,2,3,8,10,2,2,7,0,19,4,1,0,3,27,35,13,2,5,5,0,3,0,0,5,3,1,1,0,15,8,3,0,6,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,8,4,21,3,22,20,8,37,0,2,0,0,4,10,0,3,24,111,36,3,0.0,0.12678380448755944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094853758297497,0.34306842844306595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122044061510837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805625947605353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228048469042276,0.08934497112392867,0.0,0.0,0.09105364451697218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543503952092754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432704762522772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095035920231007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938921277564484,0.0,0.09477495110869118,0.11056509807721768,0.0,0.0,0.2903773095826273,0.0,0.10224816720039942,0.0961694803006802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410510405745702,0.0,0.10274188619508744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181172460835463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558192812667313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585574716584992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733505888548027,0.2125608506328893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23677106097431766,0.0,0.058807324479571814,0.0872236161836283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697319511412336,0.0,0.0,0.1188587859539288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541062413715966,0.0,0.1573224422074801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760273981627074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228408127177017,0.0,0.07250957296585278,0.08138236637371703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418401444873665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073966270333104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381332750424088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212161661375236,0.0,0.0,0.08509492395168346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237792179598757,0.0,0.0,0.07573891501096154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132687361456826,0.06856468724945719,0.0,0.0,0.062395661585764726,0.0,0.20285705979578836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987168187911109,0.17166642367829654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305083511443868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904756101721574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689079166460699
suicidewatch,SmashsEgo,2019/03/19,"im just waiting until im 18 im such a fucking mess. if i dont die before im 18 from some fucking freak accident or my body giving out from me starving it before then, as soon as i hit 18 im going to buy a gun and shoot myself.  i seriously cant deal with any of this shit anymore.  life has nothing for me and im just a useless mentally ill freak, theres nothing i offer to this world other than stressing other people out.  im so miserable",0.0030612244897980645,1.8195627755102064,3.4034285714285737,88.11657142857145,84.51020408163265,5.5526530612244915,23.065306122448977,6.742157984588678,0.7713151020408167,344,13,75,4,10,126,64,98,0.349,0.601,0.05,-0.9846,0,0,0,2,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,3,2,3,0,3,6,2,0,0,11,9,9,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,10,0,0,0,0,8,0,13,8,1,7,0,2,0,2,3,3,3,3,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652579447392385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160176181803608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151332667740475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499797028240599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601581693290595,0.0,0.0,0.11679071746290975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318869685179451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806851877692276,0.0,0.10795119611924588,0.0639546756439424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8508790464454885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948486194336404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340604839950108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595547351604152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801569870558023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551274591386305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890532156526707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BonnieZoom,2019/03/20,"What now? You know when you hear the phrase 'get help' in relation to mental health? 
And it's kind of like, once you access that help then everything's gonna be okay. Just have a few therapy sessions, get some anti-depressants down you and within a few weeks you're back to normal. 

Well what the fuck happens when you've accessed all the help a person could possibly get and it's not enough? What if you've tried over 10 different medications over the course of a decade and have been made fat and sick and tired only for every fucking one of them to stop working or make you so ill you can't function on them anmore? What if you're on such a high dose you know they're ruining your body but somehow it's STILL not enough?

What happens when you've had numerous councellors and therapists and psychiatrists and psychologists and therapies and hospital stays and you've exhausted fucking all of it??

Seriously, what now? Where do I go from here? Is is just death now? ",4.227836879432623,6.045980436170218,4.612893617021278,84.3136666666667,71.76595744680851,8.630354609929078,26.363120567375887,9.21078282632365,2.1028073758865253,774,26,153,17,15,244,115,188,0.125,0.82,0.054000000000000006,-0.935,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,8,2,1,16,10,3,0,9,1,10,12,2,2,2,31,25,21,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,1,11,12,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,3,1,11,4,16,19,7,22,0,1,0,3,15,9,3,5,12,100,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356392645993452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960391414761046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075344680252816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600340516138158,0.0,0.0,0.14071644551406734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783298063784312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134773462374174,0.0,0.1210455799212015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735404432919572,0.21110099074402874,0.0,0.07654420133989448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382017940260883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431631311990709,0.1517990141888269,0.0,0.2708281766480117,0.1423013759411878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025299071794373,0.1480379570106441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579995427974279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744155758810893,0.08990282765857384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568028020104902,0.13573011377902947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196203479506902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434344023357448,0.09126557908027133,0.1024334924371697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760115087617545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183633109892475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355556195503455,0.10755906979848537,0.11260212005231213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080465094427777,0.1563788732128681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479980990725795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914418105562218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803563532926316,0.0,0.1210973762158434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805178709864654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pm_me_your_foodzzz,2019/03/20,"I don’t know what to do anymore I suffer really bad from SAD (social anxiety disorder). So for me talking to people and social interactions is something that causes me to have super high anxiety. Lately about a month ago I lost a close what I would call a friend because Im a fucking idiot and always seem to say the wrong things. Anyways I feel like this sparked something in me and realized my Entire life has been an endless cycle of Loneliness. 

Every time I try and better myself my fucking social anxiety kicks in and pulls me in to stab me in the back.  I CANT even talk to people without going into shock or having a panic attack. 

I can’t open up to people in real life either because of this mental block. It’s like trying to dig though a brick wall with only your hands.

I’m what? Almost 19 and I’m a completely broken mess of a person that can’t even function in society. Ive never had someone that I could call a true friendship. It doesn’t get better  it gets worse every single day. Every day I get a bit older, a bit more lonely, a bit more depressed and a bit more afraid to talk to people and I’m fed up with this. 

It killing slowly and the only thing holding me back is my family ",4.033725490196081,4.995391205761318,5.620919874122489,80.22276688453162,71.09876543209877,7.528346647300896,25.405228758169926,7.724431198458867,1.4636184458968782,945,27,176,11,17,322,138,243,0.229,0.675,0.096,-0.9879,0,2,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,4,8,23,5,2,17,0,16,6,1,1,2,30,30,12,1,2,3,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,15,14,1,2,4,0,0,2,7,16,0,0,4,3,22,7,28,24,9,25,0,5,0,2,13,13,2,3,12,120,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172209911027432,0.0,0.09231635372389366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671061650802129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115784684971284,0.0,0.09142908003306993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048810081005468,0.0,0.14177896680957494,0.07697595452458701,0.11239802358682653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307157399880715,0.4025964544177341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827542067557496,0.0,0.0,0.09470594631056144,0.0,0.0,0.09666091175950857,0.0,0.0,0.07360731817627603,0.0,0.0,0.11891163132360535,0.0,0.0794043036623179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056593127683456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178307886772168,0.0,0.2330256507615754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690983169743798,0.0,0.04661473362275709,0.06586154291182421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122683432987102,0.17045889729442576,0.14449857871961266,0.0,0.052394487888757016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740525850150968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958251448033302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199610673675637,0.0,0.05066597344995708,0.0,0.10399589634946817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023500141308486,0.09008010658526266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063778570136728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290723109065202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735862828852353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110367850187756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402314031619569,0.0,0.10816672498898376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556555898254864,0.08049796022986573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493397787457667,0.05906016107184661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331428858253514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392757322346485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819325171388714,0.07811346020800143,0.1419468624194255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229982612997293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249571765522285,0.0,0.09057756637079452,0.0,0.05375753719921455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251837958159453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886920399699373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939508960860832,0.06549011385643208,0.10079680559309534,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EstExecutorThrowaway,2019/03/20,"Solitude People often become suicidal because they are stressed.  Fight or flight.  Make them wait or distract them and the biochemical response will wane.  

I am entirely sober of that when I say I don’t want to be here.  I don’t want to be alive.  I have nothing to live for.  There is nothing I want.  I no longer have any aspirations.  I tried, I struggled, I did not succeed.  I alienated everyone, I chose the wrong paths, the damage is irreversible, and everything just is.  That is my closure.  My story is closed.  I have no interest in continuing.  ",1.9302100840336145,4.752867147058829,3.33182072829132,84.15176470588236,88.31372549019608,6.835854341736696,26.893557422969195,7.957251820313856,2.282779271708683,427,20,78,10,14,139,68,102,0.228,0.6509999999999999,0.122,-0.9267,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,5,8,1,3,3,0,16,0,0,1,0,13,21,5,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,18,2,6,17,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946990737282388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295069617656034,0.25898985682110925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407742130189606,0.21075594549762972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707021925582794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653240257453185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500234149152457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257467605180284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648599429271426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686221009686067,0.2451531840502915,0.0,0.2565079406183301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921197002267518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41494738253222696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563919377243423,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,structo2,2019/03/20,"At my breaking point I never thought once of killing myself for the first 17 years of my life, but in may 2016 I made a life ruining revelation. I was circumcised or as I see it mutilated. this isnt a protest or activism against it. Im not trying to change anyones mind, its too late for that. sure i knew the word, but i never really knew what it was. that is until I did some research which i wish my parents had done the same. I learned that its what gave me the ugly dark strip and that its a scar. talk about adding insult to injury, not only did they take half my penile skin which was already bad enough, they had the courtesy to leave an ugly scar in its place, how thoughtful. that i lost significant amounts of my penis and along with it pleasure, the aesthetic and the rolling motion. its a storm cloud that follows me everywhere, I think about it all the time, what it wouldve been. how it wouldve looked and felt, but that was all stolen from me without my consent or any medical justification. I'm gay and my partner isnt cut, everytime i see his im reminded of how inferior mine is. how i cant give him my everything because i dont have everything. I'm not happy with it as it is, i dont think i can live like this for another 20 years, but theres nothing i can do to change it. i cant cry anymore, theres no tears left, which to me indicates this uphill battle is over and i never had a chance at winning it. I'm happy with everything else in my life, i look at myself and i look cute, but then i see it and im reminded of what i wouldve been and shouldve been.",3.0432727272727287,4.016655281818181,4.433106060606062,87.7696590909091,73.45454545454545,7.803030303030304,26.47727272727273,8.212053250817874,1.4638181818181826,1233,42,275,19,24,410,162,330,0.165,0.722,0.113,-0.9527,1,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,2,3,9,16,5,0,14,0,28,6,1,6,6,51,51,25,1,1,12,1,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,34,13,0,0,9,0,0,2,14,9,0,2,21,8,43,7,32,29,6,23,0,3,6,1,10,10,0,5,11,190,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427107341773668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041821240268102,0.10858222373257302,0.0,0.0,0.10269474001859287,0.07240524784588404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646073694196903,0.06312371187962203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908639765863175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374588121670792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596859728095337,0.2427219377750332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650355038477156,0.0,0.0,0.1069958357987208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791948119807292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942517282717056,0.0,0.0,0.08808040454527741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933552875480199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046387208776336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33555846010667273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456380902499763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681000765561972,0.1096455285909573,0.11250843490852336,0.0,0.2194233433159387,0.050589774737286465,0.0,0.0914374061040656,0.0,0.260870211461883,0.0,0.11303811910729733,0.0,0.0,0.0979824341995964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431671095820418,0.0,0.0,0.10455696344088423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395946817623496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935995116493704,0.0,0.0,0.1102784064696011,0.0,0.07875518098263043,0.0,0.0,0.11498110083769345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818872685113573,0.0,0.09788913990680223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633740473529574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755015554144766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759556636711914,0.0,0.07785744445091261,0.08323034947720756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270256430126032,0.0,0.1644158112584454,0.06038140496127015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030431325137035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907850829748262,0.09981944253217404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336686283307406
suicidewatch,SESHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,2019/03/20,"if i had a gun right now i wouldnt be typing this unfortunately in my state though if you've been to a mental hospital in the past 5 or so years you can't get a license to get a firearm. at any rate, i dont know where else to turn right now. 

my mom is shit faced drunk in the other room of my apartment, she's one of the only people i have left. im in an absolute panic because he health has rapidly been deteriorating (she's had 3 heart attacks in her life, and a quadruple bypass done last year) and i don't even talk to her anymore. despite us living together. 

i just lost my job a few months ago. i didnt have much to fall back on and what i did all went to bills and gambling on stocks hoping to try and have some sort of income. im honestly too far gone to look for another job. the last one I had i was working at Amazon and it made me want to off myself. i have no skills. I got really good grades in school, got a 32 on the ACT and could have wen tto any college i wanted to. 

i never did and that score and whatever financial aid could have come with it expired years ago since I'm a bit older now. which is completely valid, doing nothing for the past 3-4 years since i graduated highschool ive done nothing but work tedious menial jobs like mcdonalds wal-mart amazon and knew nothing more than eat sleep work the entire time. having anxiety and being depressed made holding a job hard enough. trying to fit anything else into the equation, even just maintaining a normal social life, was difficult. 

so i never went to school or tried to learn anything and i doubt i could even pass an entrance exam to a college. someone i was best friends with for 6 years, recently completely stopped talking to me. after 6 years of being friends, her and her boyfriend split up, and we almost immediately got together. I completely fucked that up and now like i said we don't even talk. ive mostly gotten over than but it's overall probably helped bring me to where im at today. she was a pretty lavish person and her personality rubbed off on me in a lot of ways.

for example, two years ago before we got together i was about to move out of this shit apartment and finally get away from my mom. I had almost $2k saved up and was building my own 401k with (separate) extra money I invested every month, which was seeing really nice returns. 

here I am now, never got to move out, I'm $14k in credit card debt, my car is falling apart, cant afford rent or internet soon. or a phone bill now that i think about it. basically im just going to sit here and stare at the wall all day.

i have this disorder where i pull my hair out when i get stressed. its abbreviated TTM if you want to look into it its led to me currently not even being able to go out in public. i literally look like a crackhead. it's something ive dealt with for years and years which definitely contributed to my depression/anxiety but im mentioning it for the sake of its holding me back majorly from getting a job at the moment. 

i want to break this shit and just shave my head, somehow find the will to call around and get something rolling job wise before i dont have access to the internet or my phone. but i sleep 16 hours a day nearly anymore. my body aches constantly becasue of this. i think ive lost a lot of muscle mass. i feel incredibly weak all of the time, i cant remember to eat food or drink water most days. my teeth are rotting ouit of my face, i gave up on dental hygiene a long time ago. at the end of the month the health insurance from Amazon where i was working runs out too, which i was looking forward to using the past 2 years i worked there. 

io feel like im dying but it just wont happen. it never does. i feel like i have nobody in this world. ive been a burden or pain to almost everyone ive interacted with in my life. ",4.120761862658416,4.732395279693488,5.428093869731799,82.9652354111406,70.6602809706258,8.526269771097361,27.44594262697711,8.674607589308389,1.8418160133608408,2996,97,627,49,52,1005,359,783,0.098,0.81,0.092,-0.5592,11,0,3,2,0,0,70.0,4,2,0,9,36,30,5,3,40,0,61,26,12,4,7,106,109,41,1,13,21,2,6,5,2,3,7,1,2,2,27,39,6,3,10,2,8,18,16,15,0,3,37,13,84,15,99,62,17,132,0,3,6,1,34,56,4,22,61,399,111,24,0.047360324978620506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792828214021954,0.0,0.14227357284395767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441329008041287,0.04966143016288943,0.07246103795546943,0.0,0.09393743255968197,0.0,0.0,0.07794702419238404,0.042160730202954966,0.0,0.05387920682168632,0.04449658432397786,0.0728343330603271,0.0,0.028870414524323363,0.0,0.0806002966080936,0.0,0.04970173916520931,0.0,0.051705208660026265,0.052606644430245035,0.0,0.0,0.048360187004945536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040796726399316384,0.14896919901658098,0.05117968623819846,0.0,0.11344009725213265,0.0,0.0,0.09163047476784184,0.0,0.040791378506321835,0.0,0.049152540096799424,0.0,0.05427903553163172,0.0,0.0414453395443888,0.09693211121349944,0.11101189630729598,0.046395088215019364,0.0,0.09692287194244292,0.07912694875094217,0.0,0.04194719064185404,0.04893587591579385,0.0,0.15640523991258012,0.0,0.03990311642855484,0.04525482009921083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184040998320411,0.06766845125553374,0.0,0.05188092105968253,0.04328647902582933,0.0,0.057268292955694876,0.0,0.07318093919223305,0.043783857288625126,0.14846289045601085,0.0,0.05383192820893492,0.03972359359666769,0.18939189166713272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188057896871894,0.0,0.0424255486649841,0.0,0.048605356882151764,0.10068362156726818,0.0,0.056122213130739416,0.03174462752036472,0.0,0.0,0.04703948891657519,0.046640380092966206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30694366829688,0.0,0.2819868883395185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02602799602874978,0.07720997191189348,0.0,0.0,0.05145713166371184,0.0,0.10035599443082052,0.11568931261067872,0.0,0.04182003463749849,0.041912397263566006,0.1590829799175945,0.0,0.10339877863649644,0.08052810935114954,0.0,0.08962696923904417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772806831113352,0.0,0.0,0.1109356804323601,0.1134076786622355,0.10067306066132392,0.034815288208120534,0.0,0.1461088091797386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640306292993271,0.1363305273960436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418516380071505,0.0360196612842195,0.050394724928440514,0.05556713701034247,0.0,0.0,0.1356323673736989,0.03283368611913584,0.08270641799687667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818247684742972,0.05106244058598168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060680473823468924,0.0,0.04676260732421008,0.0,0.05365001585718647,0.08089091751864523,0.0450505144599607,0.0,0.0,0.0958623546508828,0.037740047246014964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584407901318922,0.07835390046081839,0.0,0.09478905607783596,0.048277887089342615,0.04012824966432156,0.07292058396934695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959535233709903,0.05425109224917468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419930572176945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069316784038588,0.04653127882999072,0.0,0.08284855907003462,0.0,0.04489205038228496,0.0,0.0,0.09646365554131106,0.05151443371706648,0.046264155779740065,0.0,0.05696863962627024,0.04090411466086126,0.0,0.0,0.11173738694439628,0.037592421526356286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878069914759465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239440321591934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049849651698331
suicidewatch,DannyUK89,2019/03/20,"Painkillers? How many do you flirt with? I hate life right now and thinking of just taking like 20 right now. I think it takes about double that to even hope to kill.

But I'd be keen to see the effect.",0.2642857142857125,2.5163473333333357,0.6098095238095276,105.65185714285712,87.57142857142857,3.3600000000000003,13.16190476190476,3.1291,-1.811472380952381,156,2,38,0,5,46,36,42,0.173,0.6709999999999999,0.156,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,6,6,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,9,9,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,6,8,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430517321828285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27549704770586786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27715251604468666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087195740900393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709621991568693,0.13632624336712018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829056562442521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766021449598697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236102667758192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419610997490141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575987869153514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nathaniell20,2019/03/20,"Why does no one seem to care I don’t like talking about my feelings but I still open up to my friends about how I’m feeling, but when they talk it’s like they are just trying to be nice. I feel like I’m constantly screaming for help and no one is taking me seriously.",2.9546551724137937,3.5491863620689656,4.102931034482761,91.47267241379312,73.3103448275862,7.179310344827586,26.568965517241374,7.1686216300943375,0.9630206896551718,211,7,50,2,4,69,43,58,0.136,0.539,0.325,0.928,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,6,8,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,12,5,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,4,8,6,7,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494430748938224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643861964375335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214100094932289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711162404859817,0.17478227946732094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902060159876805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398774483246836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585796581939357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315704446879871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227256136072713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538257995351568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395084753813534,0.39329041519928987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610534932635526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076396621504527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bbobski,2019/03/20,"Things I will probably not post. Hi, rare people who wander here.

I have quite a simple question. Do you have value in life?  
Some people have goals and aspirations or even dreams to achieve in life.

I don't for some reason. I sit at home, live off welfare and even at the minuscule job I get to keep I almost always don't show up at. For my aspirations, I don't want to achieve anything, no dreams, no future, nothing. It's really hard for me to place myself in someone that has actual aspirations of their own. I mainly don't get people's reason to want to try to live. I also don't get why, if I'm just leaching of people and don't have any real benefit to others, why it is unacceptable to just stop existing. I can see I could provide potential benefits to others, I just don't get why. Why should I struggle when I cannot. 

How do you decide if you are worth living for.  
How do you convince yourself to trade the struggle of living for your potential worth.

Just wondering, no worries.

​

​

​",3.063631840796017,5.156751805970154,4.5570398009950255,82.27993781094528,75.71641791044777,7.252736318407961,25.59452736318408,8.167268648758528,1.754554228855722,807,29,151,14,18,269,106,201,0.109,0.7859999999999999,0.104,0.0178,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,5,1,4,11,5,0,2,3,0,22,2,0,4,0,29,32,10,0,6,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,6,3,3,0,12,2,0,0,0,2,23,3,27,29,4,14,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,8,3,107,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.09286345764843944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529004558460692,0.0,0.0,0.07610025730010657,0.07918161678845326,0.3093208737345192,0.3468932749189843,0.06471277720791838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830943589878557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597835509574083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570595207266513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887088397916197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524560926024405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545429210254708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944326585289496,0.08458351362151782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344301277158456,0.0,0.0,0.3361158023066811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913095939777281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26389076069113465,0.0,0.09942304324753533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113798095119638,0.0,0.10259970689924494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660215462357576,0.10121549027465324,0.0,0.10831410829925928,0.060962605364620996,0.1956828168903144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583103630318476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062964885132046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955889882541133,0.0,0.19896598226734635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322077318064702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460810641109682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122569056494519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434721850633225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319809942075038,0.0,0.09664066549701733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468932749189843,0.0
suicidewatch,Truant_Luce,2019/03/20,"Why does my friend not want me to die? Our conversation:

Cast:
Me - Me?

Friend - Friend

Me: Do you believe in second chances?

Friend: Yes

Me: Why is that?

Friend: *picture of her pregnant*

Friend: How can I believe in God and not?

Me: That's good. 

Me: Second chances are just that. A second chance. 

Friend: Yes and a gift

Me: So there is a way then. To take it back. Before it all went wrong.

Friend: Not take it back per say.

Me: No. But wipe the slate clean.

Me: Pick up the pen. And close the book.

Friend: But God has given us the best example of 2nd chances with forgiveness

Me: And go somewhere else.

Friend: Yes or turn around and go a different way

Me: Think it's time.

Friend: Cool. God loves you honey.

Me: And I love you too.

Me: Be strong, ok?

Friend: Me? Yes

Me: Later.

Friend: What do you mean

Me: What?

Friend: For me to be strong later?

Me: I mean a second chance.

Me: Just be strong while I'm gone.

Me: Death is temporary.

Friend: Are you implying you're going to kill yourself or that you're going off of social media?

Me: Life is permament.

Friend: Let me be very clear with you I love you and today is not the day for you to put this on me. You walk your butt into whatever crisis center and you go talk to someone.

Friend: You're not going to try to put it on me that I said it's okay for you to kill yourself killing yourself is not a second chance killing yourself is giving up.

Me: How is it not?

Friend: How would you think it is.

Me: Simple. Life comes in many shapes and sizes.

Friend: Death is permanent life is temporary unless you're talking about in the spiritual realm and then yes life is temporary death which is to be resurrected with Christ is permanent. But if you kill yourself that's an ultimate sin that you can't ask forgiveness from. You don't believe that you're just making excuses.

Me: Death is just... Trivial.

Friend: If you believe that you've been listening to some crazy ass people.

Me: I won't ask.

Me: Forgiveness is given. Not bought.

Friend: You can't even accept forgiveness if you're dead.

Me: That's fine. 

Me: My life doesn't belong to me. Never has. It always belonged to the universe.

Friend: You can't even accept forgiveness if you're dead.

Me: That's fine. Because I won't need it. 

Me: I got to clock in to work for now. Got a couple things I still need to do.

Me: So talk later on, ok?

Friend: Yeah!

Me: Death is something temporal.

Me: While the body decays, the energy will be reused and done elsewhere.

Me: Why is there such a stigma to dying? There shouldn't be anything to be upset about. Concousness? Guilt? Grief?

Me: We lose things all the time.

Me: We feel guilt for reasons beyond us.

Me: So why? What really matters isn't condemnation to life.

Me: I don't want to be remembered as ""a person who lived""

Me: Friend, there's much more out there to be had. New things. Wonderful things. You do you.

Me: I need to leave. 

Me: I never wanted to be here anyways.

Me: Headed back from break.

Friend: your so mislead right now there is no reused energy... who  told you that? I am ok when I die when my time is over. I know I have my soul still that goes to heaven. your body is gone when you die but your mostly right it s not energy its your soul that is still there. You will go to be with God or you wont

Me: Reused energy, as in, the body's nutrients get absorbed into the earth, to be reused by other things. Plants, other life, and more.

Me: If I do, or not. I Don't know it matters. 

Me: There's a lot of people out there, who need help. Who want to live. Who want to see tomorrow.

Me: My time isn't worth it. 

Friend: You know this isn't true are you trying top convince yourself

Me: I don't need convincing. Look. There's two routes. I just... Silently end things without an explanation. Or at least let people know so I don't leave them questions.

Friend: Don't you know god loves you

Me: I mean, they say it's the ones that just do... Are the true ones who don't really want to live. That I might be seeking help. And attention. So I apologize if this misconstrues that.

Me: Yes.. And unfortunately, some things need to be done.

Me: We say goodbye to a lot of things. 

Friend: Why come into my life...to say goodbye.

Me: When we kill an animal for food. Or, pull a plant out of the ground...

Me: Just what it is.

Friend: You are neither

Friend: Your created by God

Friend: To live

Me: I came into a lot of people's lives, not by my choice.

Me: Was it right for good to do that? To just, force something on someone?

Me: It's akin to rape.

Me: How is it ok?

Me: I didn't consent to life.

There's more to it... But, I am done. There's no point to stay. Yes, people will miss me. Yes, they will be hurt. They always tell me to look after myself, too. So... I do. And what? So much resistance...


I been to DBT. I been to IOP. I been to therapy for several years. Attempted at least 3 times. On medications for several more. Nothing.

Diagnosed with BPD, and other things. No one wants to really discuss the subject, or just... Accept, either. I mean, realistically... I am a huge, huge coward. And I just... Want one person to acknowledge that. Say it's ok. And be there for me. No one wants to die alone. I just... Want someone to be there. But it really doesn't matter anyways. I've studied suicide most my life. I don't know why I never did complete it before. What is the point. Been suicidal for over two decades. ",-1.2058531819793004,0.43626985938945495,0.690685026844303,99.10782710280377,110.8131359851989,4.018710608903144,14.117081795153327,5.99878963446064,-0.6588607416116954,4062,98,916,54,214,1311,331,1081,0.132,0.696,0.172,0.9745,1,1,2,0,0,2,288.0,7,35,4,8,61,80,7,3,34,16,103,23,6,7,8,153,171,60,21,24,44,0,1,0,32,10,11,7,1,2,70,39,1,0,27,1,2,17,42,17,0,12,23,13,158,63,108,118,20,96,5,4,3,7,119,39,2,23,36,622,228,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030549764589268787,0.0,0.0,0.04908736180648923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02427333368991222,0.026258384676773272,0.05515100832589392,0.0,0.0,0.06804360097540188,0.0,0.01798096111495839,0.0,0.05019916835427602,0.13293106439097774,0.03095504702651576,0.0,0.0,0.09829280702828927,0.037150157293634425,0.0,0.0,0.033736454172016705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081772209302194,0.03092680885694604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032637622050214504,0.0,0.01902298057131153,0.0,0.0,0.029938607144897895,0.15306498481990494,0.030817853270367186,0.0,0.0,0.02581282780391143,0.09055632996119606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02464077173947925,0.0,0.026125388784337226,0.0,0.0,0.038964685244466606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01491445642738466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035667619108441934,0.0,0.7064632246058482,0.0,0.015410848235049282,0.028295995699367936,0.11734588447575185,0.049480993160407855,0.04718253333960317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030272202407773688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03954213491265374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03157690920426715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958028766611564,0.0,0.09726394141634724,0.0,0.0,0.06246565442104564,0.0,0.06032490467583205,0.20834445495442785,0.0,0.0,0.13023096984103616,0.0,0.04953972644798759,0.032999347809684824,0.0,0.07523131344464512,0.10648796933229593,0.0,0.019689327293987542,0.02990510156863858,0.0,0.12852254710864167,0.0,0.029714899005889295,0.0,0.03129141842469353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336704919486823,0.1312289156949192,0.06824919713744558,0.02848817045427472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028302952489358508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993889535994993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224675383021148,0.05151089481955365,0.0,0.0,0.05576797579957117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930481469492215,0.03304314022369049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558556108280312,0.03032759882155053,0.0,0.0,0.033414097609586725,0.07557025763679208,0.02805818905131947,0.11728510254053146,0.0,0.0,0.023505111831198838,0.0,0.0,0.06664592281939133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030068248924325643,0.07497756877210121,0.04541611911142506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0314396389726394,0.07066849120948407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452937172463415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435580986909083,0.07112517465962875,0.025781482697649183,0.0,0.03373213448426417,0.0,0.17636712809148294,0.0378006865804501,0.0,0.0,0.08599903763150303,0.0,0.027959495060749826,0.02818543390787766,0.0,0.040052749914247066,0.03208402251187916,0.057628128989351976,0.0,0.07096198033658478,0.0,0.0,0.02433792968327295,0.17397962956520258,0.04682633629060299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027343807239419624,0.15969751663173334,0.0,0.0,0.02843383985578435,0.03198799575880304,0.0214740045249458,0.0,0.0,0.020953663651514944,0.03225009451311901,0.0,0.018994956912535832
suicidewatch,scarlet_witcher,2019/03/20,"I am a failure. No matter what I do I can’t win. Everyday I feel invisible and unworthy of anyone or anything. If I die, no one would care. I am certain of it. Truth is, I’m ok with it. I’m just a coward, because I’m sure there is nothing after death. I’m a college student, and I’ve been one for too long.
I am stuck in jobs that don’t make enough money so I can’t pay off each semester and I can’t get out of my parents house. I need to graduate to escape but I can’t get there,

My parents drink until they pass out at night and I wish I could do the same. 

I’m just so fucking tired. So tired, all the time. 
This can’t be what life’s all about. I don’t see how it can get better. 

This isn’t a plea. I don’t even know why I’m posting here. 
",-1.5927192982456118,0.1662732807017573,1.6146754385964923,98.71464473684212,91.046783625731,4.589590643274853,17.906725146198827,5.985473137389443,-0.4771359064327485,565,16,147,5,20,201,98,171,0.15,0.7090000000000001,0.142,-0.499,4,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,12,8,1,0,6,1,21,5,0,2,5,28,39,12,2,5,5,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,2,1,2,1,11,1,0,2,2,2,18,7,15,34,5,13,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,2,6,95,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772729270668802,0.0,0.13855307403138142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263598186974993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890841118290624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166308590056475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134428687137638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474010322841038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493720340836635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739698496203516,0.0,0.11120592227366154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513226126743499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556541274832412,0.2638970514319438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427484596606412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670799307640604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253102085742552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189237747896385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490009796027318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238739832945542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484323952373845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580025963906657,0.0,0.16155428511224582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281819439276485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739069782032613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125064977000514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341680356422344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868548413828784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817712869441697,0.3870300490089605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192654160575075,0.0,0.19361566762747334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960427637278175,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashprincess51183,2019/03/20,"I am tired of being hated. I (21/F) am uncomfortable and feel unwelcome in every environment where I spend my time (i.e. home, work, and school).

​

**At** **home**, my housemates hate me (I live with 5 other girls around my age). Not because I am messy, or inconsiderate, but because they think I am easy, talk to too many guys, and that I don't spend enough time with them. This is confusing for me as there are others in my house who have had more one night stands than I, and others who talk about men more than I ever do. I believe they think this because I DO talk to guys on the phone quite a bit before I meet them, and since I am doing that, there is less time for me to take an interest in their *riveting* lives. I'm naturally introverted, and I have always had a much easier time talking to men than women my age. But with them, if you don't sit down and talk to them about their days for 3 hours every night, you're blacklisted.

​

**At** **school** I am ostracized. I am currently in grad school and in the beginning I was hanging out with a girl. I was very excited because as I said earlier, I have always had a hard time making friends with women my age. Eventually she sorta dropped me and be-friended other girls who were more like her. I sorta hung out with them too, but after I while they stopped inviting me to places and removed me from the group chat. And one girl in particular always gives me dirty looks and has a bad attitude towards me. I don't know why as I've never been rude or insulted her, whereas she is always condescending towards me and purposely excludes me from things. Since it has been a year...friend groups are pretty much formed and there's no forcing your way in. This is especially frustrating as this is GRAD school, but feels like high school.

​

**At work** there is a women about two years older than me that is very belittling towards me. (To be fair, she's like that with everyone, even my manager). But the reason I mention this is because not even at work can I have a break. In addition, I feel as though due to how I look, I may come off as unapproachable therefore no one really cares to get to know me.

​

Additionally, my family life (i.e. my relationship with my mom and sisters) is horrible as well. My mom is narcissistic and makes in known that she regrets having children, and my older sister hates me. She's hated me forever. She's 8 years older than me and I have never done anything to her. Off topic, but she really hates my father and of my sisters I look the most like him, and I believe that she has always taken her anger out on me because she couldn't take it out on him.

​

Due to these sorts of problems following me throughout my life, I've sort of compensated by dating guys. It feels good to have some POSITIVE attention, but the circumstances with these guys is super unhealthy as well. Recognizing and acknowledging this I've tried to distract myself from my life by exercising, drawing, writing, and watching mindless stuff on YouTube and Netflix.

​

None of that is working recently and I am over it. I am tired of being hated by almost everyone I meet. The only people who are nice to me and give me a chance are men who are attracted to me. All I want is ONE peaceful environment and maybe a friend or two. Dealing with this everyday has been a detriment to my already horrible mental health and I am scared of how bad things will get for me. I'm sad to say that I have began to self harm again.

​

TL;DR - The majority of people in my life do not like me, this includes coworkers, peers, housemates, and family members. The only people who do like me want to sleep with me. I am severely lonely and tired of this being my fate.",3.0014438780609685,5.324434388965519,4.116377811094456,84.26476561719142,76.8344827586207,7.237381309345327,24.99000499750125,8.229470617394643,1.6707909045477258,2952,105,567,55,69,959,298,725,0.153,0.722,0.125,-0.9761,1,2,0,0,0,0,143.0,0,2,10,6,20,38,10,3,21,0,67,10,1,6,4,99,103,52,0,6,14,6,5,6,2,2,9,2,2,16,36,48,0,1,12,3,2,4,12,21,2,6,13,11,110,17,97,83,14,74,0,3,4,0,77,33,0,13,38,413,146,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04401912981202073,0.0,0.04851044600297162,0.0,0.18288929587308594,0.3334110059334081,0.3739095727549854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036174956189669434,0.03913331095878801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734087601587106,0.1607839670210841,0.0,0.03740633114454461,0.09905469706017823,0.0,0.0,0.04799243274349197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04481968123226111,0.0,0.0,0.03786725164862415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028350266904216725,0.045320355940630816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044985872300473496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542195640433205,0.0,0.0580697237416809,0.039763921062618064,0.07407561756669546,0.08401044947757112,0.0,0.0,0.08288228486303864,0.0,0.08890905793918162,0.031404704476593624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585212760214924,0.0,0.045934091037543694,0.08433999366087168,0.0,0.03687117687800303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410742539392413,0.0,0.0,0.039379113703956976,0.2604056712989992,0.0,0.04672693585099112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046445668025140316,0.088190006613982,0.0,0.043291292362061334,0.05072340755128518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048318027573240455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419969381410895,0.12885846587215372,0.0,0.07763415917601024,0.0,0.11074482743890296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058686669195345924,0.04456807428732824,0.044163266939640025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044300877373109566,0.0,0.0,0.1029697649420695,0.0,0.0,0.06463064055151092,0.0,0.06780861521995399,0.0,0.0,0.08250610161116705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915248914631373,0.06686642280056078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914280309642262,0.0,0.045928363452545015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04472265637142398,0.0,0.04206334333911646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675638234878763,0.0,0.0,0.0563232145133476,0.04519772902736493,0.04340474286979384,0.04719609503790287,0.0,0.0,0.04181558959553918,0.03495839096768051,0.044011168788094315,0.2224470090849901,0.0,0.0,0.04585938790243282,0.04966176811579706,0.0,0.07272757224096234,0.0,0.04399128749819381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03675214418895119,0.0,0.0,0.050323156580263685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610420716287982,0.17666506725471276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840953069928581,0.05633499701590236,0.04319002529127144,0.0,0.12816580773024447,0.1515750750915891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029845642381331125,0.0,0.08588416688511177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254244936331512,0.0518569518123646,0.03489303705611886,0.0,0.0,0.07904981237512601,0.0,0.03966664778142149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280122759947913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739095727549854,0.08492550832700975
suicidewatch,pipjimgee,2019/03/20,"Failed childhood suicide attempt here I tried to kill myself when I was 6. I deliberately fell from a 2nd floor window (25 ft) and the only thing I can remember is that I felt really bad and that no one cared. I think I've been depressed since that age. What's spooky is that I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to do something similar again and I'm 24. I've overdosed and self harmed etc nothing crazy mainly calls for help but it gets stronger and more real as the days go by, the tiredness and the fear of the worst to come.

The things that hold me back are my partner (he lost his best friend to suicide and was institutionalised after/is an ex heroin addict, it would fucking destroy him) and my gran (she's done everything to support me and is the only member of my family that I truly love, the last years of her life would be spent grieving and her life has been fucking tough enough)

But if I'm really honest, knowing there'd be nothing, knowing I would not know any of this, that I would cease to exist and therefore care about other people, kind of makes me not care about ruining other people's lives. why, as long as it worked I'd never have to know what happens next.

In a way I'm happy that the guilt that holds me back is slowly being pierced by a more profound irrationality than what makes me want to kill myself in the first place.
",7.564945054945056,5.878923589743589,7.425641025641023,79.22769230769231,64.01831501831501,9.865201465201467,31.98901098901099,8.139509932561175,2.1470791208791207,1072,30,219,10,13,343,162,273,0.194,0.644,0.163,-0.884,0,0,1,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,0,6,8,26,5,2,15,0,23,7,1,3,2,39,49,19,5,7,6,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,1,2,20,12,0,2,8,0,1,3,5,16,0,2,8,1,25,10,25,34,7,22,0,5,0,3,13,4,2,2,14,142,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321418178869015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062302894076403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597117987663504,0.08671221433987987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898643305097212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604466507353842,0.0,0.31765259055631323,0.0,0.0,0.08945943874596399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697605068050022,0.0,0.08944771183677322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627681472215288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073070410385283,0.11582260867215735,0.0,0.09394022290312892,0.0,0.0,0.09333562352625842,0.0,0.09790257231541047,0.11686255079635433,0.0,0.0,0.09971435823818778,0.0,0.0,0.08833659286526419,0.0,0.0,0.08023591994809404,0.19201929394214445,0.05425846641386736,0.0,0.05902157488137383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183612067855523,0.11055255371871826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960991265267541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22979405254054786,0.10814604175223544,0.2853721513857975,0.08465337004276616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670770147421647,0.0,0.0,0.0917033585094239,0.09190589212960283,0.0,0.0,0.1133668987714924,0.0,0.09373062759706748,0.0,0.13864424428796526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009718682526197,0.0,0.1104479486143492,0.0,0.0,0.1992978937479273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037291023338027,0.157968492411195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399602082917412,0.0,0.10850340170210387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820649236756345,0.13306070388965452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764425067635804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834045050465532,0.0,0.0,0.08590757859066113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995046527844729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271948107610332,0.11785019862604898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798951881323332,0.0665442697236425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050879850541382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612546937292608,0.08243300940209461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371041976817812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560560817399299,0.0,0.0,0.2950943745971064,0.0,0.0,0.06687738507006245
suicidewatch,17orth,2019/03/20,"None of my friends take me seriously when I tell them I want to kill myself. I struggle severely with mental illness. All my life there's always been something off, I always feel negative about situations even when they're positive. Due to this I've come off as brash, crass and weird throughout my life. I'm not normal, I try be myself but not everyone likes that. I garnered an array of stigmas around myself and it made everything worse. When I went to university I began to suffer with large periods of depression, lasting months at a time which caused a huge rift within myself. I resonate with pain, idolising people like Kurt Cobain, Mac Miller and Lil Peep, all of which had the same story, outsiders who suffered with addiction which lead to untimely deaths. I'm scared this will happen to me too, all I want is to make music to be heard by people suffering a similar situation as me. I hate life but it's not worth giving it up when I still have a chance to spread comfort through music, I love music, it's the only thing that keeps me alive. I'm unsure where this is going but for the past 5 years I've been in the verge of suicide, 4 attempts and many nights contemplating whether or not I should just pull the trigger. I see my selfish ways but still want to go through with it, I'm not a perfect person and never will be but I want to help others to repent for all the things I've done. I'm not attractive, I'm not talented, I'm nothing special yet all I want is to be a successful musician, it's all I ever want and it won't change. Whatever happens to me I want people to hear my music whether I'm gone or not, I pour my heart into every song I write and never stop writing until the songs are perfect, which sadly is never the outcome. I need help, I need a stable base yet I'm unstable, I'm an addict, I'm unhealthy, I'm depressing yet it comes off as ""edgy"". I genuinely need help but noone takes me seriously, I want to die so fucking badly it hurts. This isn't a note I'm just on the edge. I need professional help but I'm too scared to seek it as I fear I'm too broken to be helped. I suffer from depression and bipolar, which make my life a living hell. I hate myself for being this way, I just wanted to cheer people up but all I seem to do is bring people's mood down and alienate myself. ",3.9599993552546735,4.928106921276601,5.204119922630563,83.11893939393941,71.27659574468085,8.079948420373952,26.79561573178595,8.391295532112219,1.7269078014184398,1823,59,368,28,33,607,230,470,0.277,0.61,0.113,-0.9986,0,0,1,0,0,3,47.0,0,0,1,5,22,37,5,4,20,0,23,12,1,6,13,82,77,31,4,15,23,0,1,2,1,4,9,4,0,1,26,18,0,2,2,2,1,9,15,24,0,0,9,6,51,12,55,58,9,51,1,9,1,2,16,15,2,3,27,237,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165788948072666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102181259530282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700877176846107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573750510146398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808789272855452,0.08328747644964082,0.135640413653518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343394957496266,0.0,0.08171085598381153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056964873000319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200140626890001,0.0712171396998562,0.06633467555039373,0.07523131216448971,0.07075878611121895,0.0,0.0,0.08859481432493282,0.03980900669897629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082775347235809,0.07278599336435028,0.0,0.0755264188027716,0.0894898396817051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924399226946438,0.0,0.0,0.1554620920669222,0.0,0.0,0.08873611067726196,0.09329719411423112,0.2638602890580992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428368785452729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998016534556817,0.08710472807187264,0.0,0.0,0.0641766720802458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224415175533094,0.07692845776011367,0.0,0.06952134764089551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105824314063043,0.07449763899621857,0.10510776117935032,0.07982137293945346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934282355451437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284272376279286,0.0,0.0,0.23351360739308816,0.182167734994064,0.0,0.0,0.07388416946206144,0.0771401434149355,0.07554498755857482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059878845528314364,0.08377585579223665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515811536487528,0.2729125079410773,0.0687452998010957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764791158295782,0.0,0.06273880371733162,0.07167419107701689,0.0,0.08894417308783689,0.0,0.0,0.17699498579709502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060611347076269674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257501384048415,0.06582305057019107,0.0,0.08230724724628924,0.0,0.08611947085614152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183925636723183,0.0,0.06881479203866847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461140643206472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045908964659174725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534535132879892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179408512345605,0.12498678340421515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729848795274165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023411400209772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070049791352026
suicidewatch,queerjudas,2019/03/20,"first (maybe last?) post i made this account just to post this. i feel like i need to just put everything out here, instead of just inside me.

yesterday, i tried to hang myself. my dad was asleep and i took a belt and...you know. i ended up being too much of a coward and freeing myself as i was losing consciousness.

i havent told anyone. not my friends or family. ive tried this kind of thing a few times before and have narrowly avoided hospitalization. i dont want them to worry or turn me in. and it sounds fucked up but i dont want to get better, i just want to die. 

ive been scaring myself so much lately and im trying to fight the urge to try again in the morning. ",0.4392857142857132,2.657239142857144,2.488214285714289,92.80803571428574,86.14285714285714,5.214285714285714,17.32142857142857,6.6274283507984215,-0.1337142857142859,520,12,114,6,16,174,87,140,0.202,0.743,0.055,-0.949,0,1,0,0,1,2,20.0,0,0,1,3,9,10,2,2,5,0,10,2,1,1,0,23,22,10,1,4,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,2,3,4,5,0,1,6,2,21,6,17,15,3,17,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,2,8,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288323271544096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520472279446146,0.0,0.0,0.13013277014011534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270738239058654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448923710944949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032176300434048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322393319477695,0.0,0.1387098544996142,0.0,0.07439806051933154,0.10511635859822452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515662922376278,0.0,0.0,0.1136794725452884,0.1360279290620896,0.07687422101017746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893571330756487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322295789975424,0.08086392146968152,0.11993818307147573,0.1659795603034971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188483876744099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461126071853205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922678092670196,0.0,0.0,0.14782122238903012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163286584565394,0.1091019403365643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818375882835712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791565533220913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731212656703555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775282520356482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579811993100965,0.0,0.0,0.1405979244266439,0.16347719690756626,0.39959175536755903,0.1600453265034584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603597470523287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942712033736988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chris_nunez73,2019/03/20,"Shit I needed to get off my chest I don't know if this breaks any of the subreddits rules but whatever I don't really care. I really fucking hate being a ""smart"" student. My grades have always been good but every single fucking time someone complaments me it's always followed up with a ""but"". ""You're a smart teenarger with so much potential **BUT.** ""You're one of my brightest students **BUT**."" I'm a lazy piece of shit will always be. I fucking hate having high expectations on me since I know I'm gonna dissapoint everyone around me. I know I'm a disapointment and suicide has been heavy on my mind on my mind at this point. Why just continullay dissapoint everyone and make everyone hate you? I think to myself. I FUCKING HATE IT! I know I'm an a lazy cunt that dosen't do shit than just sit on my ass and complain, right now all I'm fucking doing is complaining and bitching about it and I fucking hate it. I know I'm a lazy cunt that has no right to live. While I know I'm gonna get comments like ""Your life is worth it."" And I thank those people for actually being a genuine and kind person but don't direct it to me. I don't deserve it I will never deserve. I'm just a lazy cunt that just wants to sit down and complain other than actually do something because that's just who I am. So, if you actually read this please go direct them to other people on this subreddit since they are such nice people not me.

(yes ik I have like 20 spelling mistakes. I not in the mood to fix them rn lol)",1.0413395784543342,3.4172629606557408,3.0905386416861838,88.4260655737705,84.96721311475409,5.97751756440281,22.484777517564407,7.33818517376401,0.9789138173302099,1173,42,242,19,35,395,145,305,0.281,0.618,0.101,-0.9972,1,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,3,3,0,11,32,18,0,12,2,23,12,5,1,2,42,60,19,1,6,15,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,19,11,0,0,7,1,1,2,8,22,0,1,2,0,37,9,27,51,4,24,0,0,0,7,12,15,14,2,6,153,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.2511669017917318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416175825486505,0.0,0.0,0.05834267561299303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637460538864474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229905900793085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747242142030101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228491433467686,0.2459387451573898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758895028687774,0.08964736156807761,0.0,0.048758551553491576,0.07195970683998618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42351771204526595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064578182939284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934096324404428,0.2828999283717791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059864583418865,0.08382896174511581,0.0,0.0757574317950153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057267978246061675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325441225994062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306826009860657,0.06361496067606287,0.06616941043946398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813604903766063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843570133146305,0.07491177224887152,0.0,0.09417574768000553,0.08110280197058814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581694291356967,0.0,0.10992331538742196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653474632132762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26419808028187225,0.14193891328610647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269274555483793,0.06604820170996549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938444112635287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898733607000193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497315536616783,0.0,0.0,0.05002701151468066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050603362382220116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741549327596821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Domingaaa,2019/03/20,"Ottawa suicide Does anyone know of a tall building in Ottawa where it'd be easy to commit? I'm not looking for sympathy. If anyone wants to join in to not feel alone, you're welcome as well. ",1.6811538461538476,3.93018012820513,3.3407051282051263,88.47721153846153,81.05128205128206,4.925641025641027,22.570512820512814,5.985473137389443,0.4826358974358973,151,5,29,1,4,50,33,39,0.138,0.565,0.29600000000000004,0.6736,0,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,8,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38047850123274696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137391552877915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214828712251714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857503684393611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189374698204648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30849338978264346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40183678940531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166809125764893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33030451821424794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway125679865,2019/03/20,"I just want to be at peace I cant do this any longer. I want to die so that I can take the pain away. I just want to go to sleep and forget about everything. I thought I should give life one last chance and I have but I cant do it. 

I tried to strangle myself yesterday. I think I will hang myself tonight. Im 15 years old and I have been fighting mental illness since I was a child. I want it to be over. I want to feel okay again, and I cant do that unless Im dead. 

Sorry for the rambling.",-1.5959845559845576,0.2788568468468497,0.7904311454311461,103.51722972972976,93.14414414414415,3.892149292149292,15.135778635778635,5.288315135182226,-1.1824059202059198,374,8,99,2,14,125,66,111,0.192,0.691,0.118,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,2,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,3,1,15,4,1,0,0,18,26,7,2,6,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,3,1,19,1,13,19,0,11,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763893460162046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634549048599987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479762151837887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868802890431056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490415596069812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005400344228034,0.1066713089109658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054852940567345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299635437271164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132574423632608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915226290168707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969541718208948,0.0,0.12718688821090027,0.0,0.19972055429486107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526311983466642,0.0,0.1878304013746892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101090182173339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112316858729254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202672813494412,0.0,0.1490087454981326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743248280698827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535364288544791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086932983920727
suicidewatch,eyehatefrogs,2019/03/20,"I need to vent Hi everyone. I've been active in this sub for the past few days and have noticed what a great community we have here.

So many of you are great people who truly listen (read, haha), empathize and relate to those who are struggling. I am thankful to be part of this community. 

I am not completely certain what exactly it is I am looking for by posting here. Maybe a little bit of support, but I think I mostly just need to vent. 

​

I have struggled with depression since before high school. I am in college now. 

Over the years I have been all over the place in terms of the condition of my mental health. I began self-harming in high school and had 2 failed suicide attempts during that time as well. 

The depression is always there and I have my fair share of episodes. But considering I haven't attempted since 10th grade, I guess things have been better for the most part during these last few years.

I graduated high school when a few years prior I thought I never would. On top of that, I got accepted to the music program at the college I wanted to go to. 

But most of all, I had an amazing, beautiful, absolutely perfect partner. 

They were the best thing that ever happened to me. They made me so incredibly happy, happier than I had ever been in all my life. I was the luckiest person alive to have them in my life. 

We got engaged, everything was perfect. We were going to get married and have an amazing life together. I was so unbelievably happy.

They broke up with me on November 25th, 2018.

It broke my heart. 

It's so incredibly hard to explain or fully express how it made me feel and continues to make me feel.

On top of all of that, my grandfather passed away 3 days later.

It was the worst week of my life and nothing seems to make it better.

It has been nearly 4 months, but it still feels like it was just yesterday. Everything hurts so much.

Since then I have become severely depressed.

I don't find joy in the things I used to. I used to love making music and attending school (I am in a music program in college), now it is so difficult to do. I really only still go to school because I am paying for it. 

I began using drugs and alcohol to cope and to make myself feel better. I don't ever use them to party, only to escape.

I started self-harming again and it seems like all I can think about is either drinking or doing drugs, or killing myself.

I now remember exactly how it felt to be so suicidal when I was in high school. I've lost all hope and I can't stop thinking about dying every single day. I just don't want to live anymore.

​

​

TL;DR: My fiance broke up with me in November. Since then I have been severely depressed and coping with drugs and alcohol. I don't want to live anymore.

​

​

Thank you for letting me vent. Take care, all.",3.055581818181817,5.210588121818186,4.2974545454545465,83.84418181818184,75.96363636363638,7.090909090909091,25.90909090909091,8.043390162373402,1.7144363636363638,2217,82,418,37,50,727,245,550,0.152,0.654,0.195,0.9825,0,0,6,0,0,4,88.0,3,2,5,12,29,42,1,2,18,1,53,13,1,12,16,88,101,35,4,7,12,0,6,2,1,1,10,1,0,2,28,21,3,1,15,2,1,5,8,15,1,0,26,8,66,27,70,71,22,69,0,10,1,1,20,29,0,10,36,307,94,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015642412631617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288356069571101,0.27920580982586024,0.3131202126049444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222325621750654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048421439847890116,0.0,0.0,0.03141695169442175,0.05691942773782844,0.043854853953675436,0.0,0.0540857193846865,0.1367429319367758,0.0562659064508224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254620045723888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403638068673599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971281143514127,0.0,0.17755765397857898,0.0,0.05348807778905516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048740273824874,0.17930238427667686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985661497419413,0.04342280157552314,0.049246556394221895,0.0926376650986456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423619830597383,0.036818599582980234,0.04948434999953072,0.0,0.04710459627901562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026926362360454297,0.0,0.08787032240563193,0.0,0.08243893979157779,0.11364116648382197,0.05677467393918938,0.0,0.04557468772352157,0.10972584807678946,0.046167726891977616,0.0,0.0,0.054782249013662895,0.0,0.06107251620606256,0.0,0.2178099723442652,0.0,0.05118864330047115,0.0,0.0,0.05517225830071533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701891645616674,0.0,0.0,0.042010168503814865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270087077254652,0.14561062971564154,0.05035751104700477,0.051654393972956174,0.09101760606578113,0.0,0.04327875420064538,0.0,0.056259573809516544,0.0,0.04651485767585938,0.0975325851566196,0.1376074705987256,0.052251218685807635,0.05177662610832011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193795937137092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113696346255772,0.0,0.037886197544561566,0.07642922012418357,0.03974911233316381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945188888862951,0.058676102930036673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839360655264298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162078457611137,0.04919864163351418,0.035729806715647516,0.04500080067844865,0.053846009750583006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493589458806696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155172580963107,0.0,0.03301642089864013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583822568661124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129539026372082,0.0,0.09383611667352046,0.1075302868434052,0.11644604114655092,0.0,0.1705303333121959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036478705207636485,0.0,0.0823162736945895,0.04308789091511684,0.0,0.10775695322992887,0.0,0.11274793051288498,0.05848446080749312,0.0,0.0,0.03874999581821316,0.0,0.0,0.09489812508504199,0.0,0.0,0.10271823084259413,0.0990699832496183,0.0,0.04091523966426697,0.030052093364331168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804837451442662,0.0,0.0,0.09119495197589178,0.0,0.04134049756656468,0.0,0.0463386527187148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0366109594783098,0.0,0.3131202126049444,0.09956591974312964
suicidewatch,Simpleton_9000,2019/03/20,"I wonder who really cares I know its really selfish to say, but sometimes I wish I could just try killing myself (not succeeding) so I could simply see how people would react. How many of my ""friends"" would really care? I'm sure some would be sad, but how long would it last? How long would it take for them to go back to not caring about my depression?

I know people will be sad when I die, but does it really matter if they are? No one cared enough to try supporting me better when I was still breathing, so why should it matter if my death upsets them? 

Who knows, maybe I'll get to find out the answer to that question real soon. And then maybe I'll know.",2.7471838687628187,4.387343609022558,3.6758304853041714,90.24393028024609,75.31578947368422,6.941626794258375,18.85782638414217,7.686295010490155,0.3627654135338343,512,9,109,7,11,164,84,133,0.246,0.591,0.163,-0.9609,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,3,2,13,15,1,1,1,0,13,1,1,5,1,37,29,15,3,11,8,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,2,16,9,10,17,2,11,0,3,1,0,8,1,0,5,9,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817408202112792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014162161330844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4676544590991487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310918343614016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876502476358756,0.0,0.11900926170223125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034841028484656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848466939900515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480621958515036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859368739430251,0.0,0.05991029472926999,0.0,0.06516955196553538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686526476556478,0.0,0.2520783328690529,0.09347128078415197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295852237481413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625728977144538,0.23040267294273595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770329815220749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899535349773686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845654174178314,0.0,0.0,0.1305194611037508,0.29384192048877805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119011430629953,0.0,0.0,0.09137707126651684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134114722974462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915755376095835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301260540564246,0.1080750323551847,0.0,0.08621750086958131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570668242795865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347175728653253,0.0,0.13186473644353364,0.0,0.124354625032903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072910672642925,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,perrcules,2019/03/20,"Please help I'm not sure if this is the correct sub reddit to post this.

But I have been feeling suicidal lately, and I can't break some thoughts down. (I have intense OCD and aspergers)

Neither care center nor psychiatrists permit me CBT or curator talks, I have no fucking idea what to do.

Got any ideas on how to proceed with life?

Asking for a friend.",3.4330434782608705,5.486653971014499,4.115289855072465,86.04076086956526,74.5072463768116,6.918840579710146,27.44202898550725,7.793537801064563,1.6780898550724634,280,11,54,4,6,89,59,69,0.14800000000000002,0.708,0.14400000000000002,-0.316,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,2,2,16,14,7,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,1,5,3,7,11,2,7,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,3,2,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624470107672578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332112988971134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24355470905309726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078521724835298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845585717183183,0.22084128065863806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105465115334985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601166418348001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393342786996752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694677402892078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872844395424666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26221918238493314,0.0,0.0,0.22878159788007915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612966225288849,0.0,0.22514215399015744,0.0,0.0,0.19200319088434856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964452625604586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asteriNa6,2019/03/20,"To the girl that studies abroad in Ljubljana Slovenia that got her photos leaked If you are reading this please dont do it, people still care about you and there is nothing more precious than life, hit me up we can talk.",3.223139534883721,5.513257767441863,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,75.97674418604652,4.3,24.703488372093023,3.1291,0.070539534883721,176,6,35,0,4,51,40,43,0.112,0.77,0.118,0.0798,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,5,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35090244216595146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033625955131888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752627692460616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430961950051981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302386933734772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386029118288211,0.0,0.0,0.3777933583767099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442613609939325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748531884140547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27662938173897106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Enobarbos,2019/03/20,"I'm considering doing it today. I'm worthless. Everything I have ever believed has been for nothing. 
Aesthetics is the basis of human life, from your tastes to the way you die. Everything is looking at a mirror and seeing Narcissus looking back at you. You can't escape it. I tried. I really tried to escape the aesthetic existence. From Thoreau to Hitler, from Mishima to Wilde and Pessoa. Everything revolves around it. And I can't escape my heavy aesthetic of life. My old ways in this new world. I feel ages old. I feel I'll never be understood. Somebody I care for said yesterday that she lived for me. That a world without me was worthless. Today, she says the contrary. That she does not depend on me. It's been seven years of caring, of loving. Of dedicating myself. I don't want to live in a world where I have no more meaning for her, as this is my chosen burden. My chosen aesthetic. My true Beauty. I have loved and love and will always love, and will keep loving if there's something after death. Hamlet's undiscovered country. My life has been this. I endured humiliation, rape, depression, failure, because she needed me. Now that she doesn't, there's no more reason. I'm thinking of drinking poison, or hanging myself. It's a pity that it's not night-blooming jasmine's season. I would have wanted to smell it one last time, if I've had the opportunity. So, I think this is goodbye, perhaps. I hope that somebody who feels lonely in this world and reads this discover that there are still people who care and love and give. I wish you all the best. I wish you will be loved forever. ",2.384847775175647,5.0944663606557405,3.7095550351288047,83.98803278688526,82.11475409836065,6.108665105386418,23.46838407494145,7.447530270364453,1.3521925058548012,1260,45,225,20,35,411,160,305,0.147,0.679,0.174,0.9374,0,2,2,0,0,1,51.0,0,6,0,2,10,22,2,0,10,0,27,14,0,2,4,37,59,14,2,9,6,0,3,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,22,10,2,1,8,2,0,1,10,8,0,2,7,10,40,14,29,46,4,32,0,5,3,8,25,12,0,5,17,160,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707005785072461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245443029036299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712216487849979,0.0,0.0564623423358749,0.0,0.0,0.10435481196930704,0.09720250497512316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28330707455550946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977636675897964,0.0,0.0961284273658468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105532906742008,0.0,0.0,0.09073563357715364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378313454698498,0.0,0.0,0.24973171860549576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049946593610066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885276964327908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199589857896263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232790074802501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550040305378658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962678612818756,0.0,0.0,0.16357625279063615,0.0,0.1555605941222427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851734090375273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089399568705323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867904997736954,0.07143684753160616,0.0894562210789664,0.0,0.08692075161991701,0.0,0.08887461478578815,0.0,0.1943852769115983,0.0,0.06276398782474905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421337747836721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264842811549293,0.0,0.059336898042064,0.09523224347907304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810602867175839,0.07365781582201038,0.0,0.0,0.07380882825846892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130598994240933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739691372728361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869862198083204,0.0,0.0,0.05400942777487286,0.0,0.17559223576152128,0.0,0.0,0.12577036692827726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926331847530836,0.14704022844336964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302459250683856,0.08928561658059372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657969795228798,0.0,0.0,0.05964640894298899
suicidewatch,Violette-reve,2019/03/20,"Alone Title explains it. Broke up with a man I fell in love with and thought was the one. No friends. Not close with family. In a strange, foreign country where I don't speak the language. I have chronic illness and I've been abused by three people in my past significantly to the point where I can't trust. I don't want to suffer any longer. I don't want to be so isolated. I've only ever wanted someone to love me, but I don't think my person is out there anymore. Maybe they wanted to kill themselves too, but did it.

​

Yesterday evening I had a plan, tried to go through, couldn't. Tonight is round two. This time I don't really have anything stopping me. ",1.8442217484008518,4.18859679104478,2.7607675906183395,92.31701492537312,81.08955223880595,5.321108742004265,25.24307036247335,6.5431188927421005,0.8200443496801699,526,21,109,5,14,166,89,134,0.17600000000000002,0.738,0.086,-0.8946,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,1,0,6,0,16,4,0,0,1,20,26,5,1,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,3,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,9,3,0,3,5,2,14,4,16,19,0,17,0,2,1,2,8,9,0,0,6,71,17,0,0.0,0.21091809934429925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843693583550168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287866014414065,0.21630712881282016,0.12105597929464915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654257183169905,0.0,0.0,0.14649078373318633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175769128438879,0.16102432661496766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781624839466994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753357806375782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011697551625839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694669347667554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213301123966864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788395140628615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062724711597625,0.13538806557402294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993500395107175,0.12341285539189582,0.15543541421445006,0.0,0.0,0.16828126260810472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404066107464805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083112675754462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488281113012656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406451774533115,0.0,0.14132364600224873,0.10380169929583516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086017521453568,0.0,0.17389432140991293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41999030894067735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630712881282016,0.0
suicidewatch,eyemaginger,2019/03/20,"I’m in too deep and can’t think of a better way out. Amidst some turmoil I separated from my children’s drunk father last year. I moved in with my parents, I haven’t lived at home for the past 15 years. I have a decent job but I’m in so much debt I’ll never be able to move out. 

I’m one class and an internship away from earning my bachelors degree but I’ve exhausted all my government student loans. I can’t afford to take another loan to pay for my last classes. I’m getting a degree in something I don’t even want to do. I have close to $60k worth of student loans and the thought of this amount is nauseating especially considering it will be a degree in HR management. I attended classes online at a local University in their accelerated learning program aimed at working adults. I barely remember anything I’ve learned. What a waste.

My kids dad wants to keep the kids even though as a grown man he cannot take care of himself. He has never held a steady job and is such a “woe is me” everyone is out to get me kind of person I can’t even deal with it. He wants to swap years for primary custody and I don’t think that’s stable for the kids. The youngest barely knows him and I feel bad he doesn’t get to see her but he is the one who made the shitty choices that put us in this place.

I don’t know what to do anymore. It seems every choice I make is wrong or ends with me being further in debt. I try to have a positive outlook and stay happy but I can’t. I know my kids won’t be better off without me but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to have a nasty hateful relationship with their dad but he is unreasonable.

I have virtually no friends other than my sisters and my boyfriend (not my kids dad) To be honest though I don’t think I’m in any position to try and date because I seem to be the hot mess express. I was with my kids dad for 15 years right out of high school so I’ve only really ever been in 2 relationships. This new relationship causes many problems for my kids dad but I can’t let him dictate my life any longer. I just want to be happy and feel like I’ve led a life that doesn’t feel so useless.

If your reading this, thanks for taking the time to listen to me. I know other people have worse problems than me and I’m sorry to even complain.",2.442686176020964,3.7513454896265586,4.143564096964404,87.94724830749071,75.43153526970954,7.0653854553395945,24.924874426730728,7.669130373188453,1.1103435684647307,1794,59,396,24,38,604,224,482,0.153,0.754,0.093,-0.9844,6,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,2,4,13,21,1,1,22,0,44,4,0,4,4,68,84,26,0,8,12,8,4,1,1,2,3,1,1,11,16,21,1,2,17,2,7,6,21,11,0,2,5,6,53,10,63,69,4,48,0,2,1,0,42,26,0,5,15,240,69,17,0.08457677247024628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503021108175122,0.08868612031969353,0.0,0.0,0.08387743183377479,0.0,0.0,0.06959947733496394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946266183289652,0.0,0.07061807223850948,0.051557215484641566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496025643828415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623165627981845,0.08688364307115437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719493866320717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065304074448736,0.0,0.07490991669258328,0.0,0.0,0.22344864221623645,0.07650453281094273,0.07125957857246805,0.08081673055327859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829367222588778,0.06042166315198215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534380460875701,0.0,0.13256361851445714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800670939865416,0.0,0.08350205283108036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936000370184696,0.08483739875617316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785879253327488,0.07517572143951222,0.0,0.08807369350335985,0.2324059113798088,0.1378827157493996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648548010247817,0.11947815125610425,0.041319938891169215,0.0,0.07468283960952991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002858709215302,0.05645565237329081,0.08574757243547712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978344847253006,0.062173659293797076,0.0,0.1304616418433762,0.08168477388299163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462281977982927,0.06432444663895351,0.0,0.0,0.09391249684199904,0.0,0.08073809938413364,0.0586348848220788,0.07384917544282728,0.08836472598300618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185709782281255,0.0,0.08502301659390232,0.0,0.0,0.08459966014602956,0.0,0.05418204615647206,0.0,0.0,0.2724114049786227,0.09580899595234436,0.07222810156995671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855962090782715,0.06739673746714071,0.1539910343509763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511133149484342,0.0,0.09467677237809144,0.0,0.0901475861556278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077362156526187,0.0,0.0,0.07786692884285625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625801422156216,0.16619249906457645,0.06714451002421458,0.049317396175787925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114844153484288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173544361837818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494278585578273,0.0671331052621682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152899053215355,0.0,0.061572897662837786,0.0,0.08619095674299876,0.0,0.09247142361203986,0.0,0.2178586740497176
suicidewatch,Lolihumper,2019/03/20,"How do I stop having suicidal thoughts? Hey. I'm 20 and I've suffered with childhood depression since I was maybe 8. Went to therapy, didn't help much. It's been years since my last attempt, but suicidal thoughts still haunt me. They're not serious ones, they're those classic ""I'm just thinking about suicide but not motivated enough to go through with it"" thoughts. Is it just something you have to live with? Anything I can do to prevent or get rid of them?",2.8836579275905123,5.38728528089888,3.1161048689138577,90.3348564294632,78.21348314606742,6.652184769038702,31.237203495630464,7.793537801064563,2.1696581772784027,366,19,73,6,9,112,66,89,0.3,0.675,0.025,-0.983,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,0,19,18,5,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,7,0,7,0,10,11,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759885790606553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544834056804288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532790624506829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370874342663088,0.0,0.1019350155422154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202219280390974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620319109332144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837908923507005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019227798133614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318510059987944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153968634026342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967386206292737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808089562411516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432379626371571,0.1499538653052287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5885756169481309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511498701475664,0.0,0.0,0.11492731568343033,0.0,0.4271779059434616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662694861323986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550263272779784
suicidewatch,Throwawayaccountuss,2019/03/20,"rope rope rope I have marijuana, cigarettes and food for one, maybe two days.

I tried to kill myself about two months ago. That didn't went well. 
Damn rope wasn't strong enough. 
Bought a new rope last month. 
Today I've set up the rope, so that as soon as the thoughts come back I can take action.
I won't fail again.",0.4580384615384645,2.810659169230771,0.8310576923076951,103.57581730769232,88.07692307692307,4.480769230769232,12.740384615384615,5.985473137389443,-1.3409615384615383,246,3,60,2,8,73,50,65,0.141,0.7809999999999999,0.078,-0.6259,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,10,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,3,3,1,3,5,0,5,2,6,4,1,15,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849850117986148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721866711509357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289398879331865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444149186546066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313772974845977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707744085023793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477429548904223,0.0,0.0,0.18253106034697414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249655928869288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574740986622576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162708837003772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517392859624138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683658522935219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777736759039907,0.0,0.0,0.2122573899334892,0.0,0.0,0.15203229060440826,0.0,0.4374898838284763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201338002608324,0.20758333234820608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no_walking_anytime,2019/03/20,Here if you need a friend. Or an ear or a shoulder to cry on. ,-3.5500000000000007,-2.1062216666666664,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,99.0,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.8083333333333331,45,1,14,0,2,16,13,15,0.179,0.636,0.185,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7160477342097059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036325461808729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4833527705108529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thinmugs,2019/03/20,"Just left a psych appointment and feel sadder than ever. I have been seeing a psychologist for a couple months now, and tonight I had a session that felt like he took a hammer and crumbled every facade I had. I have spent my whole life trying not to feel, and it just hit me all at once. I am someone who generally feels much deeper than most, and absolutely hate it. I will do anything to not feel things the way I do, and I just don't know what the point of life is if I am always going to be this way. I am not willing to go through the ""downs"" in life just to experience the ups. 

All of my coping mechanisms are self destructive and I am just sitting here crying into my glass of chardonnay eating a frozen pizza, thinking about how much I wish I didn't exist.  ",6.428983870967741,5.356955083870967,7.039798387096777,79.09969758064517,65.90322580645162,9.556451612903226,30.342741935483872,8.472884824447931,2.065983870967741,598,17,123,7,8,198,98,155,0.1,0.865,0.035,-0.8899,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,2,0,10,0,18,5,0,1,3,31,33,9,0,2,9,0,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,8,2,0,7,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,7,6,17,1,18,22,6,17,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,2,5,96,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392088378018781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767546057458518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851167089459136,0.1837736175292949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119192391428278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133442367818986,0.14095932435094433,0.0,0.0,0.16365366037321336,0.0,0.0,0.33837208915611305,0.0,0.16063635437588572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016339845100225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517629187234026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194491715930636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177433648174576,0.0,0.3545114877145929,0.08173540715510005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353902477817636,0.0,0.2459727430907233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817138937693444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815466164643752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333181975973212,0.0,0.17453268825074686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175461633921396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114815176011178,0.10720049832219458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858789068588191,0.11358721595819217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655934079012981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867869384398233,0.19238928043581874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skippyier,2019/03/20,"I dont feel good It seems like I've been living in darkness my whole life. I just want someone to care about me for once. I've loved many times before but not once have I ever heard those feelings echoed back to me. They all leave me with no warning, they dont care and I'm just done with it all. I've lost 4 friends this year because they hate me and my bullshit Complaining. And every time I feel even a glimmer of hope it gets ripped away from me. At this point I know it has to be my fault. No one else I know has these problems and all I do is make them sad when I want to talk about any of it. I dont know how much longer I can go on.",2.0238461538461507,2.483485825174828,2.9422447552447544,99.43798251748257,75.36363636363637,5.9997202797202815,21.293006993007,4.935628992294339,-0.4144595804195808,495,10,130,1,10,157,90,143,0.243,0.628,0.129,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,1,9,13,1,0,1,0,12,2,0,2,4,27,32,7,0,4,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,4,22,7,16,27,5,12,0,2,0,1,9,5,0,2,7,81,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411606989113457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003042182519176,0.10642029264802896,0.0,0.08436674940109895,0.0,0.11776736042117243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822140205755808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163023410659578,0.48660781238910494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561461042618675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141123810055632,0.125189824295916,0.1166071315399536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993608736787756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692672861635832,0.0,0.07230776835522784,0.0,0.07865534443841875,0.11608251982172425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664036545526131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374614406743951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281814225272331,0.0,0.0,0.14654456397027255,0.0,0.0,0.0977553107860633,0.0676147634609641,0.0,0.12220885776456668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107886376649546,0.0,0.12491050624952245,0.0,0.09238241109960316,0.14031486936239787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173919370319057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29478084877885274,0.093782748167353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083179505279352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242915741710484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599325703474962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172650285461704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112398784517027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140314658835153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163262638905467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451754753286584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912442218627706
suicidewatch,AlwaysSick123,2019/03/20,"I Give Up Life is like a stopwatch. You watch the time run down. It's like a game, but adding realism. I can't handle anything anymore. There's no point for anything anymore. Life for me is just rotting and decaying away. I'm just growing hopeless more and more. Life is a cycle for me that I just don't want to go through anymore. People are probably gonna hate on this, but I had to express my feelings somewhere. ",1.572023809523813,3.918550249999999,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,82.21428571428572,5.161904761904762,28.380952380952376,6.42735559955562,1.2777952380952384,327,16,66,3,9,105,59,84,0.196,0.7390000000000001,0.065,-0.9214,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,7,3,0,0,0,9,14,4,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,2,8,2,10,12,2,10,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,4,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6126111014726275,0.0,0.0,0.3388866471781403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345572751070605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411240165295832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975240655780017,0.11702128369156373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328982199268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363130835238713,0.20119081476779366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274948811324298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946479888183077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220017950166606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006560736895705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144885843420294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tomato_joe,2019/03/20,"I'm broken or My lifestory  

Trigger-Warning I guess

(I posted this already in different depression subreddits, seeking support)

Hello,

so, I don't really have anyone to talk to. I feel like I am all alone and the friends I have at the moment will leave me soon enough like every other friend I had in my life. I also suffer from chronic pain and migraines, so my life all in all just sucks. And I just don't want to feel the pain anymore. Not the physical, and even less the mental pain. I... I just can't take it anymore.

I don't feel as if I'll be able to work a normale 9 to 5 job as I always feel afraid. Sometimes while I am entering my classroom my hands start shaking while I am acting as if I was ""normal"". With my chronic pain and migraines I don't know if I'll even be able to get a job. Migraine attacks do not care what time it is or when it is appropriate to surface.

And... I just want to talk about my life and I just want... support. I am crying nearly everyday, have breakdowns and panic attackt and I just feel like dying. There is nothing for me that gives me some kind of purpose in life.

My mother was a single mom. I loved her so much as a child, but at the moment... I do love her, but not unconditianlly. A part of me even hates her so much I wish she would finally die... and I don't know if I even feel guilty about these thoughts. I even go as far as to say that my mother is a narcissist.

I have two older half-brothers (two differen fathers). When I was one year old my mother ran away from my alcoholic father with my brothers and me. At least that is what she told me. She came to a little town where everybody knew everyone. We where polish living in Germany. My mother came to Germany when she was around 25 years old with her first husband (as well alcholic).

I hated going to pre-school as the first person do every bully me was my teacher. Yes, she shamed me in front of all the ohter children although I only remember one time. I drew with pencil on the table at 5years old. She came to me and said: ""If you can't delete that you will have to pay for the table."" In front of all the other children, loudly. Doesn't sound so bad, but to a sensitive little girl who cried easily?

Of course all the other children started to act like the teacher because if the teacher does it they are allowed to act like that as well, right? Because a teacher is always right. (Fuck you Mrs. Veil) She even shamed me about my name, that it's written falsley which wasn't true at all because it was in my polish passport. Don't remember the things tho. But because of the size of the town every child went to the same school. After pre-school there are three possible schools a child can go to: Hauptschool, Realschool and Gymansium. The ""dumb"" ones go to Haupschool and the ""intelligent"" ones go to Gymnasium. Well, I went to Hauptschool. And the bullying from my first year in pre-school never really stopped. I was nearly drowned by a classmate when we were around 8 or 9 years old, they tried to inflict physical pain, wanted to shame my by putting stuff into my backpack and accusing me of stealing it.

The thing is tho... up to my 14-16 year I don't remember much. Really, I don't. My life... it doesn't feel like a normal life. It's as if I am computer where so many things where deleted.

And then there is my mother. My mother which I adored. I was so depended on her that it must have been unhealthy. I always wanted to be a good girl, to never make her mad. (I guess because I witnessed how she beat my brothers with a belt but I do not quite remember it. Just a tiny bit.)

Turns out she is a toxic mother. She sent me to ballet and to piano lessons. Which is fine but... she constantly critizised me. At every fucking turn. Everything I did felt never good enough for her. My brothers? Never really helped me with the bullying. Yes, my mom went to the teachers to complain etc but it never held long until the bullying started again. What she also did is manipulating me into hating my father but I only remember good things even though he was alcoholic. He taught me swimming, tried to make me happy with the little money he had. And the last time I saw him was when I was 14, too young to realize how I was being manipulated into never wanting to see my father again. But with him I remember feeling safe. Despite the alcohol. I think I was the greatest love he ever had. And now he might be dead. And I feel so guilty.

When I was 13 I tried to kill myself. No one knows about it. I wanted to drown myself in my bathtub. At that time I didn't know I had depression. Heck, up to three-four years ago I didn't know I had depression. Never even knew that was a thing. I was around 22 at that time. I slept with a knife under my pillow just in case I wanted to kill myself. The only thing I remember from that time is crying. But I went to the medical centre at the university and they helped me realize what I had.

When I was 14 my mother remarried. He provides for her and me and my brother, (the oldest brother has a job and lives with his grilfriend at the moment) but only because of my mother. He doesn' respect my brother nor me, is a choleric and my first memory of him is that I didn't want to learn for school. Somehow it escalated and I had a breakdown. (I was 10 at the time I think) I was so scared of him I hid under the table, crying, screaming. My mother held him back, but instead of coming to me and hugging me she went away and I was left alone. Please, for the love of God, never leave a crying child alone!

But with my mum it also got worse. When I was 22 I went to study for half a year in Great Britain. Sometimes I think it was the worst decision of my life... other times I think it was the greates. In GB the depression started and I realizied I would really kill myself if I stayed there longer. So I went on an Erasmus program for the second semester in Belgium. When I got back home after that one year... my mother was highly religious. Yes, she was religious before, me too, as we are from poland lol but... my God. She... She went crazy.

We had a huge argument after I came back. Around two weeks after my arrivel I guess. It was so bad we screamed and I cryed and I hid in the bathroom. Somehow she opened it up and stupidly I though she would try to talk to me and we could hug it out, but what does she do? Sprinkles me with holy water because she thinks a demon took possession of me, or something like this. From then on her obsession with religion got only worse. She started to believe every world in the bible to be literally true. Evolution is just a scam for her. No, she is not a flatearther, nor is she a anti-vaccer. Still.... the believe is destroying her.

I am a chaotic artistic person as well. I want to make my own money through art. My mom is very tidy and wants every room to look like a fucking IKEA catalogue. Which will never be possible while I still live with her.

Now my depression got worse again through the last couple of months. I can't sleep good as well and suffer from Insomnia. An houer ago my mom came into my room at around 4 am in the morning and critzised me for not being able to sleep, that it's my own fault and that my chaotic room is responsible for my insomnia. Oh, and my Assassins Creed poster is as well responsible for my sleep behaviour because ""It looks demonic."".

The worst of all which brought me over the edge and gave me a panic attack: ""Are you even human?!""

Yes, mum, I am a human. Just because I am not your ideal daughter doesn't mean that I am not human with feelings and needs.

Sometimes I really wish she would finally die.

At the end of the day... I just want someone to truly love me and be there for me. Like I would be there for that person. But... sometimes I don't have the feeling that I am capable of loving someone as I have never been able to fall in love, be in a relationship or hold any relationship I ever had in my life.

Fuck, I'm broken.",2.111370985026454,4.137064938634946,3.5894409400175675,88.41822385092856,78.38634940513462,6.416240181884657,23.49207196379117,7.4439059052522865,1.0094555218887766,6165,204,1267,85,149,2030,494,1597,0.181,0.7090000000000001,0.11,-0.9992,5,3,4,0,1,5,245.0,6,5,3,9,92,91,17,9,86,5,132,43,5,9,23,239,248,124,9,34,48,29,13,9,2,10,24,6,5,16,65,81,4,6,38,4,3,33,41,47,6,16,78,23,244,44,192,148,26,205,3,7,4,13,134,79,7,21,100,942,309,14,0.11321869607324762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018077142185682,0.09074726557361626,0.0,0.08794531811976128,0.03123491161951378,0.06790571275874091,0.0706552686701872,0.0,0.0,0.01924814894108182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056141261866746665,0.019791286190054703,0.0,0.0,0.12598580407834406,0.0,0.06440130578248658,0.05318634594619314,0.06529364153046922,0.04726644103653371,0.1552883991036923,0.0,0.02408519285183536,0.06377934987410447,0.0,0.0,0.030901373181697906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186503312876374,0.028858501569305306,0.0,0.0,0.024381970399658025,0.0,0.030587297194131,0.0,0.022598979031335332,0.03131858343775813,0.18654813194409675,0.018254173154552977,0.0,0.1218938712836346,0.0,0.0881273486978786,0.02957236000636384,0.0,0.0,0.049539221950514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02506953990787936,0.058492589154418864,0.031567193533092903,0.16825473217220968,0.05120639624546495,0.14308745178604845,0.02704632899465426,0.02543841591174221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742863008350294,0.060662594322669926,0.0271769258232025,0.062012773731049686,0.0,0.09630376504210672,0.0,0.0,0.04373624186753619,0.10466886013795433,0.014788023942229772,0.027152422468207225,0.08043099263037687,0.09496247064158816,0.09055133397449552,0.06241200605893226,0.0935423685850066,0.0,0.0,0.030130851815767745,0.0,0.083835016974964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794405271510568,0.029905442134786138,0.02839189586242234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426406444097709,0.0,0.09394478434474653,0.029474962349483186,0.07777754304644746,0.04614417419888276,0.0,0.05994112582619435,0.03075311113925433,0.0,0.15993942662232905,0.12445410600934186,0.0851061578130553,0.0749806371715095,0.025048745810058382,0.04753759492214033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882251372847133,0.0,0.05668076908985695,0.02869649686031226,0.0,0.03083208780546513,0.0,0.028513981270715263,0.028524454080080638,0.03002678618288385,0.0,0.13260036847530246,0.022592520759074832,0.0,0.06242157654297836,0.02098755713735606,0.21830309530726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319771265986038,0.027159098101850004,0.0,0.11880397609423085,0.0,0.11507987787317613,0.10763490024193023,0.15059084391691951,0.06641887275556572,0.0,0.0306512036914844,0.0,0.0,0.0741436487718552,0.0,0.03107003233802313,0.0,0.06381853420045322,0.02710805357498169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028454015191825176,0.0,0.03010550490966655,0.0,0.0,0.10879619375238654,0.0,0.0,0.0607772543342424,0.2244457459741467,0.048344073915054034,0.026924226696545282,0.022509012845790405,0.028337916482635925,0.17187504732574646,0.022555160574095755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497534594614121,0.0,0.047964916887153486,0.02179032090055377,0.11197618541100432,0.0,0.10017096976759413,0.03016901644680722,0.0452082984673237,0.023663974878713696,0.0,0.0,0.032402079917038966,0.0,0.06423961730083581,0.0,0.0,0.02128159230162613,0.06825067444176937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282620627839893,0.0906824610914469,0.05561839702462395,0.022470749507771268,0.1320374643218924,0.0,0.0,0.02704632899465426,0.0314475342983657,0.07686806276333863,0.06157471488034427,0.08294866105769398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023354320370373445,0.2003379610178029,0.0,0.02270430218587223,0.0,0.15269580718294926,0.2099097310989567,0.0,0.0,0.06509795648560167,0.0,0.0,0.020606139792371626,0.0,0.08653464288183536,0.10053414160918893,0.0,0.0,0.1458182565008198
suicidewatch,mintchocolatechip_,2019/03/20,"I’m disgusting. I have no friends. I should die I’ve been so lonely lately. I can’t stop thinking about how I’m all alone in this world. I keep feeling like I’m weird, awkward, and disgusting at campus especially since I’m never walking with anyone. I eat alone, go to classes alone, everything I do is alone. I feel like I’m such a fuck up and whenever I’m talking with anyone I feel like I’m being disgusting and weird. Even when I try to reach out and get out there I feel like I don’t deserve to be associating with anyone. Even going to office hours to ask questions about assignments makes me feel like my professors hate me because I’m so stupid. I’m pretty sure my group mates for a class of mine hate me too because of my incompetence. I feel like disappearing. I don’t want to have existed in the first place. I wish I could just erase myself. ",1.701954022988506,3.9820019540229863,3.438620689655174,87.6267816091954,81.183908045977,6.625287356321839,22.88505747126437,7.793537801064563,1.159140229885057,676,23,140,12,18,225,97,174,0.272,0.5720000000000001,0.156,-0.9746,0,6,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,12,19,7,1,3,0,12,2,0,2,3,29,39,8,1,4,1,0,6,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,2,8,0,0,4,5,11,0,1,1,6,23,8,20,34,1,18,0,1,0,1,6,8,1,1,12,77,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468331014404959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262502933919782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083259408521857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149837208074736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861157714746894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193949087425288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036557742428793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247827592551726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693574246412556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272172262869932,0.4623223113317929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917438904100374,0.0,0.0,0.08333076031010286,0.09971290768996864,0.05635131076521235,0.0,0.1225962813848533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129747293268502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106218323437739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586907376947452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216684300722526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161635853055313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199599815525154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831866760070467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268856848551165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973027877582586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082555320795532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892211847884441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017404945650273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165481177698092,0.0,0.0,0.08669210933631498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911099908792671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322844670826945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361739485661677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403128336926697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bittercappuccino,2019/03/20,"I want to end my life this month. Now, I currently am in eight grade and there is quite a lot of reasons why exactly I want to end it. I do not want to get into too much detail here due to shame. Anyway, I pretty much have been suffering of depressive episodes the last 2-3 years and I'm having one again and living is absolutely unbearable, especially since I've developed an anxiety disorder to that. My question here is how to properly explain this to my friends and family so that they won't be too sad/mad when I'm gone. ",3.525257009345797,4.7920924953271085,5.286063084112153,80.98647780373835,72.64485981308411,9.835981308411217,28.328271028037385,10.125756701596842,2.842608411214953,415,16,86,12,8,142,77,107,0.122,0.784,0.094,-0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,1,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,15,18,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,9,1,11,14,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,10,59,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957078487218032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965826788934786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390622200915816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36949766786488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664009512278185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115612243595387,0.0,0.10897966973192301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002869632520742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473332911018603,0.0,0.0,0.1841887982501277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733576520574496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664945539954505,0.0,0.30667531250849955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134598749639465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221102718277254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336685465692599,0.22186114892599687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144652684216292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17254780979004386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690953725761116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882200377518559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432512599742974
suicidewatch,playtotheaudience,2019/03/20,"Just thinking about suicide gives me an adrenaline rush. I think what I'll do, my last meal, where I'm going to do it and how. It's peaceful, it makes me happy, relieving. I'm in one of my better headspaces right now and it gives me the will to do it. Get things prepared. Not now, not today, not this week or this month. Eventually, when the most convenient time comes, I'll erase myself from this world.

I have a personality disorder. I was abused and neglected so much that now the trauma is deeply ingrained in me. People call people like me abusive and manipulative just because we're so deeply hurt that we lash out, like cornered, scared animals. I sure do feel like one most of the time.

I've hurt a lot of people without meaning it, splitting and giving into my paranoid delusions. I see people who are out to get me at every single turn, around every single corner. My trust has been violated so many damn times. Never a single secure relationship. Now I avoid any at all because I'm scared of getting hurt. I turn on people before they can turn on me.

I don't want to spread this suffering any further. Therapy is possible, sure, but even then, I'll keep making mistakes, I'll keep hurting people and myself. I get such intense self-destructive urges. Everyone thinks I'm insane. It's rough.

I have my best friend, and I cherish them, because they understand. They don't know what it's like, but they try, they stay by my side even after my breakdowns. But there are other people, too. And I'm always eventually horrible to them. They always leave me because my attempts to avoid abandonment are so pathological and obsessive.

I'm listening to Mr. Kitty right now. A lot of his songs are depressing and about death, and their wistful nature is really pleasant and relatable to listen to. I can link to the song if anyone'd like.

I wanted to post my thoughts somewhere and maybe hear other people's perspectives. Am I really protecting people this way? Will I ever find a worthy cause to live for? I feel so damn set in my ways. I've wanted this for years, and knowing I have BPD just made this desire more intense. I know what I want to do in life, but deep inside of me there's still this desire to make everything easier on everyone including myself. And... It's really fucked up, but, just the concept of destroying myself, hurting myself mentally and physically instills some twisted sense of satisfaction in me. It's like I deserve it for all the shit I've done to others.",4.070316455696204,6.139734544303802,5.063567510548527,79.8654778481013,72.75527426160338,7.946751054852321,26.828902953586503,8.697196308434329,2.165096371308017,1970,71,353,38,40,644,233,474,0.172,0.682,0.147,-0.8562,0,2,0,0,1,2,70.0,1,0,9,3,28,39,6,5,13,0,26,5,1,7,6,81,70,31,2,8,15,0,3,6,1,2,2,5,0,2,29,22,1,8,13,2,0,3,7,22,0,2,5,9,56,17,47,63,13,51,0,9,1,1,23,24,4,7,25,239,85,0,0.0,0.16227098659430722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395872976671945,0.0,0.0,0.0931350759102774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609601342049592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669747497715022,0.0,0.05826992173210194,0.0,0.07186366733085381,0.060563420944545775,0.0,0.0,0.08624592114984549,0.0,0.06992391914957348,0.0,0.0,0.0703459953406722,0.0,0.058987923227454477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058980190717294136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848197302550769,0.0,0.0,0.07007699439620718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904584372190164,0.06194247062420486,0.11539170792209505,0.1308677479440725,0.061543808815835176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924929134819191,0.04892085419443184,0.0,0.0,0.0625878526764644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290610305998465,0.06330701113279813,0.1431081748835596,0.1970716458604776,0.03891775062162468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289633875165576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717993101235977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665367551288535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173317699822216,0.0,0.0,0.11290151688745124,0.05581888913039118,0.0,0.07250854771877528,0.0,0.0,0.048368192069770936,0.20072999653119372,0.0,0.06046752301693462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643546802170053,0.0,0.06479574768860318,0.1371292311794641,0.0694261672024969,0.06879557629062097,0.07459285687740894,0.0,0.0,0.06900993971366838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465866204437971,0.0,0.05033937105298546,0.0,0.05281462496763978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280522847739107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427267581080265,0.059792540551725136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719890423535689,0.06558320582446325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160670403805946,0.0,0.0,0.0735199812377356,0.0,0.11696005178660987,0.0,0.0,0.13711728908728313,0.0,0.05456827559541001,0.0,0.07143771821489057,0.0,0.07029190897820803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298867141750921,0.05468679510971232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490405843537948,0.0,0.12907982426662812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831081273629828,0.0,0.04549388670469173,0.13163423542702493,0.0,0.05436405774844034,0.11979060265998012,0.0,0.064909345802746,0.0,0.0,0.04649221648828029,0.22345391868934572,0.0,0.07128824224373755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156091393702776,0.10870964759407607,0.0549290977029462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601056062310418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044097728663021966
suicidewatch,REBELDINE91,2019/03/20,"I just wanted to be cared for... I'm scared to join society.....

To have my fears become reality...

And my reality becomes a nightmare...

I always thought I'd be locked away because of how different I am...

How I grasp things differently than others...

Act different from others...

To be so outcast that my only options are to hide...

Or end things...

Because things get too difficult...

No help comes when I need it...

Crying for help in a crowd of deaf individuals...

I'm always thinking about my fate...

That one day I'll just leave...

Because things didn't turn out how I imagined...

I think about taking my own life because of how much of a failure I am...

Because no matter what I try to do or how much I change, it would never be enough...

I'm scared to let my family know I have these thoughts, for fear of being criticize...

Or being told I'm just making things up...

I was always alone...

I was always figuring things out on my own...

Not because I wanted to...

But because I was forced to...

I really don't know what to do...",0.8466166666666659,3.256749495000001,3.0,88.39666666666666,86.55,5.7333333333333325,21.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7984833333333339,769,26,157,12,24,260,105,200,0.131,0.8109999999999999,0.059,-0.9337,3,1,0,0,0,0,76.0,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,4,3,0,20,2,0,6,1,34,40,12,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,15,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,7,1,23,1,28,25,5,12,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,4,4,115,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043564866047588,0.0,0.0,0.3353600057933835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466689615128264,0.0,0.0,0.4299545240604191,0.22256197137360556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273105709901073,0.0,0.10659022353377663,0.08679541407575428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106796134721842,0.06498156185039768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31581679288548703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924303742996728,0.10411153021685167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498711843394947,0.2267649703263101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264269623779067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350739793846209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074960626817744,0.0,0.0,0.10668979477401867,0.0,0.10303344708829876,0.07116943654048602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725776933592084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813969761265852,0.07471191549805674,0.07771196191542515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827726586533825,0.07663216370430724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454913563737807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175573629512936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575862761431831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016409310654996,0.1291252779135685,0.0,0.15998362528952242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628004980077494,0.0,0.06840910750222448,0.10959743587234744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886116391613427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157667987196355,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,svanglishninja,2019/03/20,"I just told my parents i don't care about them It slipped out im not sure if it was a joke or if im just fucked in the head but now theyre hurt and pissed and i got mad for no fucking reason because i have the temper of a fucking child so im trying to cut myself but im too scared of pain to even draw blood. I want to jump in front of a train tomorrow but im too scared to even stand at the edge of the platform so i dont think i can do it. I dont know if i really want to. This shit happens to often because of me and its always my fault. Is this even the right place to post this? Im just venting at this point. This exact scenario happens all the time and everytime i think ""ill just do it"" but i never can. And every time i feel worsw because im incapable of learning. 

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suicidewatch,Intheuniverseiknow,2019/03/20,"Just a rant, still need to earn money for my folks til the day it ends. There isn’t a fucking day without wishing I wasn’t born anymore. Give me cancer or whatever, I’d trade my life expectancy to someone worthwhile. Spent my whole life in people’s hatred, my parents hatred towards each other and people’s loath towards me. psa: people stop marrying and have kids as an investment. ",4.39662100456621,6.414411424657537,4.99609589041096,80.91323059360731,71.73972602739725,7.0584474885844735,29.97488584474885,7.793537801064563,2.199951598173516,306,13,52,4,6,98,57,73,0.242,0.727,0.03,-0.9511,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,10,8,5,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,9,6,2,10,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,7,33,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283413446351795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969781800207738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392888444643686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285795394179152,0.0,0.2208721517948376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32525795217967896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072387965651026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556600188885879,0.0,0.0,0.4788690408166902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508598939801386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387409398098414,0.19249527579354786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570605150872852,0.2647705880250119,0.2219481321478003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hereforthatgayshit,2019/03/20,Give me a reason Not to blow my fucking brains out right fucking now.,4.07357142857143,5.1852335000000025,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,71.14285714285714,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.7493714285714286,55,2,11,0,1,17,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111625087280052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6810044858097267,0.0,0.35332230573790063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786902308358644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31453988469040983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,purppuma,2019/03/20,"I need a resource but I'm scared I'm too scared to see a doctor about my suicidal thoughts.  What happened to you after you talked to your doctor, just so I know what's in store store for me if I do decide to confront them about my problems? Any tips? ",2.7019811320754705,3.8214889622641515,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,74.47169811320755,6.054716981132076,24.57075471698113,5.985473137389443,0.4590792452830184,197,6,44,1,4,63,37,53,0.332,0.6679999999999999,0.0,-0.9679,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,0,5,4,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,10,0,9,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,29,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797072463817211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409667830853323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368604565750384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452315039123682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959469512096011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528630790427973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291447977546115,0.0,0.21058262853614926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28905977587230763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124038144337761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979453819355312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,voluin,2019/03/20,"I'm tired of hiding everything. to my parents I'm this perfect, happy kid. i get pretty much all a's and i've never had a detention, negative point  or anything like  that. i'm so well behaved and i follow all the rules. at school i'm known as  the ''quiet kid'' which isn't the nicest reputation but i'm also known as the ''smart kid'' so i suppose it cancels it out. i don't know if i even like the smart kid reputation though. all the teachers say i'm a perfect role model on their reports and despite me not joining any clubs and avoiding sport as much as possible, i listen well in class. so my parents think im the perfect, happy daughter.

but i  can't stop thinking  about death recently. i want to disappear and i wan't to do it in the best way possible so i thought jumping off a high building, so i could get some sort of thrill before i die, or overdosing on a bunch of pills but i don't know where i would get pills without it seeming suspicious considering i'm not ill.

i just wish someone knew. i joke to my 1 friend about hating life but she brushes it off as a joke and plays along because thats what i act like it is. i'm at a new school so i don't know who i'm supposed to tell if i  feel this way, but even if i did know i would never do it because i'm such a pussy.

at this  point,  music is the only thing keeping me alive (as cliche and annoying as it sounds). i listened to neon gravestones by twenty one pilots and the lyrics stuck with me so much.",1.9194921583271096,3.4403628673139197,3.6708899676375424,89.91192120985814,77.28478964401296,6.436694050286285,25.476848394324122,7.1686216300943375,1.0328843913368186,1142,42,251,13,26,383,155,309,0.116,0.652,0.232,0.9903,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,4,18,21,2,1,18,0,14,5,0,0,8,55,45,34,2,8,14,3,1,3,1,2,5,5,0,4,17,11,0,3,12,5,0,4,11,3,2,1,5,7,30,18,32,37,9,25,0,0,0,0,16,14,0,8,8,160,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134083938817814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767279111818652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939924497075227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925360272973364,0.0,0.09719189929110676,0.0,0.11986572334903307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119452385568096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854121952475552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508810559355526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102652612027183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775252437816509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824526423995689,0.0,0.17902403471078876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431763559667908,0.0,0.1127675494375793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206785736821977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337604761848794,0.0,0.0,0.10152303562027533,0.0,0.0,0.2510869537938202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067621017496962,0.16740480360741547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518921736802681,0.0,0.1761853648800929,0.11031335715520477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773977049542999,0.08686864538620315,0.0,0.0,0.25365321621158565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159476208581093,0.2575293703095196,0.0,0.11620171722497673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127774167815608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083147986849442,0.0,0.2311913159411717,0.0,0.10398062676522714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677733120678096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095492142304518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983238177338802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588198376672026,0.1463737605106698,0.11221952167051293,0.09067707435809744,0.0,0.1312778611051798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736928594541096,0.1813233449928304,0.0,0.0,0.20539307567095175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134613597921252,0.1101029754206057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227570568700792,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RaDevStudio,2019/03/20,"This weekend will be MINE.

Go to the party, drink, get high, go to the forest, make a loop and taste a sweet relief of death.

Btw. how are you doing guys?",-0.5034375000000004,1.6315005312500013,1.1737500000000018,100.89625,90.5625,3.2,11.125,3.1291,-1.8911500000000003,115,1,27,0,4,37,28,32,0.101,0.672,0.227,0.5994,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,2,0,3,8,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351986626186492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321037774354981,0.0,0.5049582631276787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398801652618912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693775255219098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29654222599537194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,genericusername359,2019/03/20,"So exhausted of being suicidal It is so draining. I want to do something with my life, but I don't think I'm the person to do it. Does that make sense? Like, I want to do something, but I feel like I don't deserve to enjoy myself or he happy.",0.3994339622641512,2.0428919622641537,3.2383396226415115,90.72505660377364,82.20754716981132,5.749433962264153,21.92075471698113,6.742157984588678,0.504489811320755,186,6,42,2,5,66,34,53,0.135,0.619,0.246,0.7662,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,9,13,5,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,6,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675786603331561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460492359663475,0.218439922712934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325494533265528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159721924619967,0.2987645088546047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410176909745245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669838487492195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707885707711849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33445934264515986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592307266191247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36069846014516416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polisciprincess_,2019/03/20,"The only thing keeping me alive is my cat I don't think I could bear the thought of abandoning my cat. I chose to adopt her, and in doing that I made a promise that I'd care for her. She's the only thing keeping me alive.

I have a fairly good life. I go to uni, I pay my bills, I have a really strong support system, my relationship with my family is fine. Honestly, from the outside in, you'd never be able to tell something is wrong with me.

But I fucking hate myself. I hate every inch of my ugly face, every piece of my disgusting body, my personality is so fucking bland. I'm not that bright, I'm not that funny, I'm sort of nice, but I can be a downright bitch at times. I did everything to try and better myself. I work hard, I support my friends, sometimes at the expense of my own mental health, I call my parents every week and visit my grandparents as much as I possibly can, I always try to learn new things and teach myself new skills. I'm doing good in school. But I can't get over how much of a useless piece of trash I am despite everything I'm doing. I hate my physique so much I've hidden all my mirrors and haven't taken a selfie in over 6 months. Every compliment I get makes me angry??? Like I'm not going to get mad at the person but inside it's like a freaking hellfire of burning rage. I'm so pissed when people don't see me in the same negative light that I see myself in. It makes absolutely no logical sense, but it just... happens.

To be fair, I've been diagnosed with some mental health issues. But I can't afford therapy, so that's out. Fake it till you make it is a lie. Those ""positivity journals""? Trash, I can't ever think of a single thing positive to say about myself. Every positive is countered by an immediate negative. Every piece of advice I've ever gotten about loving myself has backfired, and some of my ex boyfriends made damn sure that I'd never love myself so I'd stick around their abusive asses (I still cannot, for the life of me, understand how I ever got out of those relationships). 

If I didn't have to take care of my cat and be responsible for her, I'd be on my 6th suicide attempt. ",3.143075965130759,4.361778712328771,4.94252801992528,83.26729140722294,73.5205479452055,7.59219593192196,25.37318389373184,8.101407402915765,1.4797251141552512,1668,53,340,25,33,570,205,438,0.193,0.648,0.159,-0.9752,3,0,1,0,0,1,58.0,0,2,1,5,16,36,11,0,18,0,33,13,4,7,7,52,74,25,1,2,11,2,1,2,1,0,5,1,0,2,18,13,0,3,6,0,3,3,16,16,0,0,9,6,64,20,51,58,12,33,0,2,3,5,20,16,6,4,15,230,82,5,0.08026942259054598,0.09510614001668083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843835075209593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667905898447094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145680421143008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099178125590097,0.0,0.08916123305209904,0.0,0.0,0.0819640551244138,0.0,0.16368005201528588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408860235618889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814717742713326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782486473295795,0.40578270314606135,0.0,0.1442819624442709,0.0,0.07567086782269998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620159567765439,0.14841557548143225,0.1258123809159574,0.0,0.09123792533555357,0.13465236662398009,0.06419878999696335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098198530298075,0.0,0.07190563611974134,0.23774830973482886,0.0,0.17064528529265727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378042253382458,0.0,0.14269430191132482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133933340491005,0.07843117062518805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489257563092597,0.15190573697723506,0.16074138864441265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178539680317935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407028729681223,0.0,0.1770217845665644,0.0,0.1238174543095322,0.15504941705676215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209702591764432,0.0,0.0,0.08912969454108308,0.0,0.0,0.05564871076142317,0.14017632734020574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904917132684736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142264752753882,0.0,0.0,0.1723586397388707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383346662271629,0.0,0.08123694104157976,0.1279286745749769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617953231193748,0.07938851142587101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410326456905019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780172005958288,0.18217757904011614,0.07565298084199337,0.0,0.06035261613519261,0.0,0.07015901336215302,0.0,0.09179508028183443,0.0,0.21330975054249,0.10286680971758763,0.0,0.06372495535538299,0.04680574582214452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899533783139873,0.0,0.0,0.08356329976998879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438728902520413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584370956501265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776201269769977,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mozzarella-stick,2019/03/20,"There’s so much going on in my life and I can’t take it anymore. I want it all to stop. I just want to die. I’m completely miserable, I honestly just don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t know how to fix anything, i just feel stuck in the endless spiral. My anxiety is tearing me apart, I can’t stop drinking, I’m so depressed I’m barely functioning. The only good thing going for me is my job but I don’t even care anymore, I just want out. I’m so close to giving up. ",-0.6116666666666681,1.364757576923079,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,88.61538461538461,5.38974358974359,21.166666666666664,6.816661863887847,0.4530089743589749,364,13,85,5,12,128,59,104,0.132,0.6829999999999999,0.184,0.639,1,0,1,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,18,24,6,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,2,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,1,14,3,11,22,2,11,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759159592894665,0.0,0.5351152134184484,0.0,0.0,0.14800858170335954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833781751331616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885786754305537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549122404864175,0.0,0.18666518246775124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619328706529908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879513282405213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909420836418181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253708307435026,0.2044359596049856,0.15085714456249635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848224412460933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884576907741226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703968757443415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221701489358711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367908277538486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30074025286684064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523153829826812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949028702941368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243418484857428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trotariuz,2019/03/20,"I think in suicide, but i search for help or a solucion, or company.  
In three words my life its shit, but i search a reason to stay strong but is useless.I am useless in my Job, fron my point of view some people of my environmet hate me and y hate my for some mistakes i do. Some tip?. Sorry for my english.",0.1688571428571457,2.1803371384615398,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,85.30769230769229,4.945054945054945,21.59340659340659,6.18269132825596,0.15264835164835144,234,8,54,2,7,79,42,65,0.318,0.584,0.097,-0.9593,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,0,3,2,1,1,0,13,6,6,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,11,1,9,6,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,5,0,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411713248966242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370217500444933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719704548298487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358251449896915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900044204213536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908308877622965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28178781335341474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813271264988717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067969744913693,0.0,0.2921202951427037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997861891794945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561187216697394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,macawz,2019/03/20,"I need something to calm me down, what can i do/take I am teetering on the edge. I was hoping to find some valium to take the edge off but no luck. I'm sitting here alternately crying and then retching from the pain and anxiety, as well as being the most comatose/low energy I've ever been. I haven't showered in 3 days and the thought of going to the shop is just overwhelming. I don't want to drink alcohol as it will just make me feel worse. What can I do? I can't sleep or eat. I need something to knock me out so I can just have a break from these awful feelings. ",1.8640495867768607,3.2810240413223184,3.6595785123966964,90.3766404958678,77.18181818181819,7.1540495867768605,22.843801652892562,7.908726449838941,0.9315084297520659,443,13,101,7,10,149,79,121,0.182,0.713,0.105,-0.8925,1,0,4,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,7,1,14,5,1,1,1,22,25,10,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,4,2,1,1,4,2,1,0,3,2,13,4,17,20,2,11,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,5,3,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23967679350575904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156619983236934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463504427170842,0.14463581890188132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196995571835472,0.0,0.22948455177006144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286536649099773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267956496895568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049790320461327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745800519903772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275105582763746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497021965678595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325872377357598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386394589843852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443231005006814,0.0,0.0,0.3453085363990078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862338841756466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804560244268888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228045994200446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164597366128945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855064118994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zerocoolzero,2019/03/20,"meh There are so many people on here battling depression it's really pretty sad. I'm one of them. Today has been the worst its been in a while.  I'm diabetic and one way or another I keep slowly trying to kill myself by either letting my sugar go to high or by overdosing on insulin trying to get it low. I'm 30k in debt and my bank account is so overdrawn its only going to get worse and worse each month. There is no way I can possibly fix this situation.  I can't afford to buy the right kind of food that I should eat to get healthier.  Anyway out of  the 7 deadly sins, its gluttony that finally going to kill me. The wages of sin is death.",2.9500746268656712,4.0625710223880604,5.046447761194031,82.74892537313436,73.8507462686567,8.046567164179105,23.84776119402985,8.548686976883017,1.4822710447761192,503,14,104,9,10,175,90,134,0.301,0.677,0.022,-0.9918,3,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,10,3,0,5,0,11,5,0,0,0,10,21,8,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,3,1,0,0,5,3,2,9,0,2,2,1,9,1,18,17,3,17,2,3,0,0,1,8,0,2,4,69,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892248496804382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875115960130105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484072574083478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764720443830768,0.0,0.0,0.19479709553719074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524969609122176,0.0,0.27466254154929315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702060460831505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318891872878511,0.3564561977579316,0.1677559815816827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647308751347057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332536549760066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858474427905744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832471057991956,0.12252024703840275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116832083110208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816107637553765,0.0,0.16389185116672672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320178450034308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375745196400482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810778847945929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269952317146446,0.0,0.0,0.21874628995704834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573992691590325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283397794901045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marvolo_blue,2019/03/20,"i feel like god's always going against my plans everytime i decide to do things finally, like going out with friends or getting a job or going back to school, choose to live and forget about wanting die, hindrances block my way and i end up getting hurt and failing all over again. and at the end of the day, i just don't wanna exist anymore because i can't find any reason to. i know, not every thing goes the way we plan but in my case, it's just too much. he always seem to disagree with everything i do. ",5.261474358974361,4.993975019230772,5.806538461538462,84.3051282051282,68.03846153846155,8.087179487179487,29.83333333333333,7.1686216300943375,1.6242871794871792,398,13,82,3,6,129,73,104,0.133,0.813,0.054000000000000006,-0.7935,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,1,26,13,7,1,2,6,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,11,3,16,13,2,16,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,3,8,53,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990116459691542,0.0,0.0,0.1221866565308411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781915004377205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816067501264376,0.0,0.1095295526430248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115876928857789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864765649116345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182813341154567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513857893450035,0.0,0.16148228056687275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085019037421503,0.1283614266747119,0.0,0.1968275886578492,0.16422170451332938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881815803109854,0.0,0.18774784086822732,0.0,0.30634407810469044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923481574138756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830189509405114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874588945792788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755624069083043,0.0,0.15865825831845642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208341499082754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473808549077894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184291762371685,0.0,0.16357137352116596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387390939325261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059782670873092,0.2852387941351405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,habibati9921,2019/03/20,"I’m not sure what to do I’ve been with my boyfriend, now husband for just over a year. We had been dating for 6 months, when he got a notice he had to go back to his country (dual citizen) and complete the conscription requirement. I now live on my own and I have no friends because I had moved away from home. Our original plan was to go to the city and live together. But now I’m completely alone and my depression has come back full force. Most days I can’t/don’t want to get up and I constantly contemplate suicide. I’ve finally figured out how to do it, but I feel a little selfish. I don’t want to hurt him, but truly it seems as if there’s nothing in life for me to enjoy anymore. Everything is too hard/complicated. Maybe it’s childish of me to complain, but I hate that life is a constant struggle. ",2.532129870129868,4.2460066848484885,3.9530952380952407,87.71250000000002,76.0909090909091,7.623376623376624,28.149350649350648,8.418075326091056,1.9695714285714283,633,27,134,12,14,209,110,165,0.18600000000000005,0.728,0.086,-0.9532,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,2,10,9,1,1,6,0,13,2,0,2,1,26,25,13,1,3,7,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,5,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,7,1,17,3,23,18,3,26,0,2,0,0,10,8,0,3,14,89,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875176994362344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201249274141596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401153016970192,0.2357255935992197,0.0,0.09343801632074822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203707843961987,0.3214221589434399,0.33128227888703243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885286763747037,0.0,0.1320197701840531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775810822760615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750293291706954,0.0,0.0,0.16791065970410352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842368568782816,0.0,0.08008243161736245,0.0,0.17422502133892365,0.0,0.12259195412453595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730870075438906,0.1513321870063113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537522570812717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640893241870473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653228053726614,0.0,0.15362674756063002,0.27069795452370105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539902815014828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223465694822,0.16291229689839254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707621687841915,0.17451020444444107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954028205054694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602414526479972,0.0,0.16766335375026326,0.0,0.14446451026888102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081693590080095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870724276962764
suicidewatch,throwawaynumber29399,2019/03/20,"""You don't need a relationship to be happy"" I'm tired of being lonely. I've never had a proper relationship in my life. Even LDs the last one I had was 5 years ago. I just want somebody in my life who loves and appreciates me so much because I can't do it myself. I hate myself too much and I can't be happy without the approval of someone else

Every time I say that to a friend I always get the same phrase in the title. Especially coming from people already in relationships. I want to ask them how they'd feel if they broke up with their s/o but that would be rude of me ofc. But some of these same people go ""I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for my partner!"" and I feel like I'm have to meet somebody soon so I dont fucking kill myself

I don't want to spend my whole life alone but it feels that way I really need somebody to share my life with otherwise everything seems pointless, I don't want to hear that fucking I can be happy without a relationship or I can find ways to enjoy being single, I'm DONE 'enjoying' being single because it actually feels miserable having to do everything by yourself!!!

My friends are either taken or not interested, dating websites suck because I can't connect with anyone there. I'm always doing all the effort to hold a conversation and I'm tired of it. I'm so sad and depressed I wish I had someone to cuddle with...",2.5200119047619047,4.279570310714283,4.510714285714286,83.50261904761906,76.25,6.809523809523809,24.166666666666664,7.6454224807358475,1.2226309523809515,1077,35,215,15,24,369,143,280,0.14800000000000002,0.696,0.156,-0.452,0,3,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,4,2,10,22,6,1,10,0,32,10,0,1,2,44,61,16,1,11,12,0,4,1,3,2,6,2,0,1,11,10,0,1,6,0,1,2,13,11,0,1,7,6,35,11,30,43,10,16,0,5,0,4,20,5,3,6,8,152,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.09371147849208006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512484719569642,0.0,0.0,0.09945817298005682,0.1059715505937437,0.0,0.15980939255418644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714644534144805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977513574733245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175617085594244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827213869293715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271054328664075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827208437129796,0.11254650603967303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022078634570197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685388765708927,0.0,0.08090946076079175,0.0,0.17261123781325094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942227191864392,0.06860388851339454,0.0,0.0,0.08776972802322085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838516030729754,0.1775564717905127,0.050171738805127764,0.0,0.05457609170573148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306677328867396,0.0,0.09480979543137737,0.0,0.0,0.10823284813465237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624302477603337,0.0,0.0,0.07827730954212872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713154633940715,0.04691543286287468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667087141701582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118627552282148,0.14241013389843782,0.07406429635828203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507244868025745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315029383456028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151931045983242,0.0,0.0,0.4124013514804532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763669519113573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742215292968246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273190328018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055995895718796894,0.22074483693450112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22656405147397302,0.15244837128627367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721412390356752,0.11042982085714398,0.18513908705255408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821699387989237,0.0,0.0,0.061840205178515024
suicidewatch,Sokblue,2019/03/20,"Trying to wait not sure I can. My life has went to hell in a hand basket. I am twenty five years old. I am a mom. I have a 6 year old son. I have a 2 year old daughter. I am 9 months pregnant with my third planned baby. I have a fiance'. I was so happy when i found out I was pregnant for my daughter. Since finding out my life has consistently and dramatically went down hill. In this time I have suffered severe pain and health problems due to complications with the pregnancy. Pain which prevents me from even walking without great struggle. I had to end a friendship with a very close (and only) friend of mine due to her decision to stay with the father of her child which I found out was a pedophile and abusive. As a result the only adult I have any connection with any given day is my spouse. Due to my pregnancy I have been almost exclusively in the house for the last nine months with the exception of trips to doctors. Around Christmas time was when stuff really went down hill. I had just taken a major hit by letting go of the friendship I had with this girl, I even attended the birth of her daughter. Christmas is my favorite time of year. I get to see my kids enjoy the magic of christmas, see their faces light up, I get to go shopping for things I think they will like and things we can do together. When Christmas came my spouses sister came to town for a month. She doesn't like me due to my spouse and I splitting up two years prior when he went on a partying bender (which he greatfully matured out of). As a result I was treated like absolute dirt by the sister. I did everything I could to please her, to get a long with her, and none of it was good enough. At the end of the day my spouse then started taking things out on me as I was being blamed for it. I spent every day in tears, feeling completely alone. We almost broke up and then made the decision to change things. Immediately after this he started becoming severely depressed and I had to put myself on the backburner to deal with his depression. I set up appointments, coaxed and coddled him to help him deal with his depression (which greatly stems from his abusive childhood and family members). When he reached out to his father for a relationship he was blatantly rejected and told that his father didnt want to have one with him and that he didnt want his mother to have one with him either as now is time for them to have a relationship with each other and he and his siblings get in the way of that. Basically it was a long horrible speech about how he wants nothing to do with him. Eventually my spouse was put on medication and sought out counselling and things became better for him. Near the resolution with medication I had an issue of pain that was extremely severe in my abdomen and went to the hospital and within the hospital to an ultrasound. The ultrasound technician was male and sexually degraded and humiliated me, was extremely sexually inappropriate, and sexually assaulted me. I was extremely traumatized by this but felt humiliated and felt confused about it at first, and never said anything to anyone for the next three weeks. Three weeks later I had a meltdown in bed trying to go to sleep, as my anxiety has shot through the roof and I'm scared to have to go back to the hospital and have someone take advantage of me or the vulnerable state I am in, in pregnancy again. I fall into an extreme depression. I begin being unable to connect with my children whom have always been the center of my world. I begin to not find joy in anything. I spend my entire days laying motionless in bed in the dark for the entire day. Getting up only to get what the kids need. I constantly think about killing myself but can't because I'm pregnant and don't want to harm my baby. I start getting harassed by a loan agency. Despite the fact that I've already taken on and paid almost ten thousand dollars in debt as well as have 5000 on a credit card for my spouse whose accumulated so much from partying the loan agency starts hounding us for money, or more specifically me for money as im the only one with an income. The option is give them 3000 now or they will take us to court for the 9000 and garnish wages. I take out another credit card and give them the 3000 on a credit card. Now i have a 5000 credit card a 3000 dollar credit card my rent and bills per month are 2100 and my income is 3000. We are barely getting by. My daughter starts having this medical issue with her eyes which ive been fighting to get seen. CRA calls about my tax return . Because my spouse and i got back together in 2018 and 2018 benefits are based on 2016 and 2017 income taxes I not have a huge overpayment to pay back to them of 20,000 dollars even though thats completely wrong it doesnt matter because its the government and they can fuck you if they want to. I'm so far into a hole of debt I can't see the light of day. My income gets cut in half because the government has stopped all my benefits meaning I cant even afford my monthly bills anymore. My spouse refuses to move out of the place we are which at this point is fine because i can't find anywhere cheaper anyways that will fit us. My daughter is due any day now and I've spent the last two months fighting with loans agencies, the government, dealing with massive depression from the sexual assault and trying to take care of my kids. I am done. I can't take it anymore. And even if i did after I add all the debt together it adds up to almost 50,000 dollars and I haven't even started out in life yet because I haven't even had the chance to. My daily life feels like agony. It literally hurts to be here. I dont want to seek help and go down to the hospital. Ive went a few times since the assault for procedures. I had a nurse stick a swab into my urethra when she was supposed to check for amniotic fluid which is the wrong hole and which is excruciatingly painful. Ive had a nurse throw the curtains open leaving me exposed to entire room during this swab. The room which is filled with people. And then laugh in my face about it when i scream. I've had a woman when i finally managed to go out with the kids to walmart to get groceries assault me and start hitting me with a cart while im trying to hold onto my kids and not get hit in the stomach. I feel like God, if there is one, wants me to kill myself. Because every time the phone rings, any time anything happens its just more shit. I want to die. Ive been trying for two months now to at least wait until my baby is born, but i dont know if i can anymore I just want to die, so incredibly badly. 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suicidewatch,HenryTLH,2019/03/20,"I need help. The ball started rolling about two weeks ago, but the thoughts started last weekend. A couple weeks ago, I was going to talk with the girl I like about asking her out, but I didn't because the majority of the time (that I noticed), she was talking with another guy, which put me in a saddened state. Then last weekend rolled around. I wanted to go see my older brother last weekend, since it was three years since his passing on saturday, but I didn't get to go because of timing/vehicle issues. I was also in a karate competition last saturday. I earned last place in sparring and weapons, and received first place out of two for forms, even though I actually placed second. Even though really earned second, they let me compete in grand champion (you have to earn first to do that), and I lost that because I was thrown off by finding out I really deserved second. Then last Sunday, my dad was talking to me. Since I go to college an hour away, the plan was for me to take the vehicle we just got to college, but my dad talked to me a little after noon. He said plans were going to change. He'd drive me to college and not come for me until the next month when we get paid, since it's about $20 each drive to/from college, and, in his words, ""we're broke"". (I'm not mistaking this for apathy, but we're not in a great position right now, with more than a couple bills coming up this month.)

Since last sunday, I've been keeping two lists running in my head, one why I should/everything going wrong, and one why I shouldn't/everything going right.

Shouldn't:
* I'm in a play with less than three weeks until opening night.
* I think I have friends. one of these people bought me a coffee from a local coffee shop without me even asking yesterday.
* I've ""got so much going for me"". College, summer job, career beyond college, and relationship.
* Cost of a funeral.
* 80 days of r/nofap under my belt.
* I'm going to the weight room and seeing progress.
* I'm the only one left of three brothers.

Should:
* ""We're broke"". I wouldn't be a monthly burden anymore, except for funeral costs.
* I'm horrible at relationships/keeping a girlfriend (I had one girlfriend over two years ago, and it lasted two weeks) and my dad isn't helping saying I'd ""regret dating that one girl"". 
* $8k worth of debt, with a ~$250 bill still standing on my college account and ~$50 in my bank account.
* I'm failing Calc II
* I only have half of my lines of my lines memorized for the play in three weeks.
* I don't have a summer internship/job lined up yet.

Sorry. I'm just not sure where to go from here. Every time I've failed these past few days, I've had this gut feeling I'm worthless, wasting everyone's time and energy.",2.1847457627118665,4.532553416195861,3.3338888888888896,88.67450564971755,79.80979284369116,5.891902071563089,23.39265536723164,7.0931098945946705,0.9257435028248584,2108,72,414,26,54,679,249,531,0.129,0.807,0.064,-0.9884,3,0,0,0,0,0,107.0,2,1,1,12,20,18,1,0,26,0,26,3,2,0,1,55,67,26,2,7,13,5,2,1,3,3,0,2,1,3,13,27,1,1,5,7,12,18,11,11,0,21,20,6,51,7,73,41,7,111,0,7,2,0,33,35,0,0,57,253,64,14,0.0,0.0,0.058197000154631584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585935093051473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769159794402972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253447710945009,0.0,0.0,0.059143768180418416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308947424886222,0.111504880150005,0.0,0.056030819586340576,0.0,0.0,0.10906228054387096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308792014205943,0.10274379713957528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197416495399467,0.0,0.07692171849935382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816880661346894,0.0,0.05024665042292451,0.056985602353859514,0.10719557940341212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030154202559832213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054507035397707966,0.10145421326779146,0.0,0.0,0.04607531188443823,0.0,0.06231562532111633,0.0,0.3389301789434549,0.0,0.09539413484732133,0.06574987977266615,0.0,0.05904989541212529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120465253163231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994669813209289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873032193662363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224541712651635,0.11836081882320278,0.10601601275598158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888961880726203,0.0,0.0,0.06479565352000173,0.06098275870308035,0.0,0.029135571196927362,0.059771829144948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510070828186633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280478556654627,0.0,0.04383997473227316,0.04421999694097736,0.0,0.0,0.06342450716206229,0.05596517965823203,0.0,0.0,0.06789699248164112,0.0,0.0,0.2424689931379488,0.09071308162813953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569301578375219,0.04134470929051686,0.0,0.1869235653002198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995154445590425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640983533615417,0.0,0.0,0.06402769944000668,0.0,0.10185915333771817,0.056728337384262126,0.04742564714278424,0.0,0.0,0.09504575735634327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24666125093114386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675861379133599,0.0844225928288435,0.0,0.04762609594933749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620706135103399,0.0,0.04483951802099002,0.19173548690668848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03821290992391545,0.11718587971886125,0.04734502772247324,0.10432424728250247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912828709429841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035175381796422926,0.0,0.2391855723454564,0.07262166355135856,0.0,0.0,0.10762603134440656,0.0,0.0,0.0574878320735087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520357528664246,0.0,0.07680840145192347
suicidewatch,meiniki,2019/03/20,"Can you tell me what keeps you alive? Because everyone has a thing that keeps them going. For me is anime. I was bullied all my life by the other kids at school and from where I live so I spend most of my time indoors. That's when I discovered anime.I can still remember the night's when I was in my kitchen with the knife against my neck ready to kill this useless human being that is myself.One time I was so sad,broken and felted that I can't take it anymore because something really horrible happened at school I almost died by being strangled by a classmate because I did something to upset him, and when I got home I got scolded because I cried at school.What??? That night I was ready to end it all...but then I got a notification it was that a new episode of Naruto was updated with sub's in my language so I can watch it. At that moment I thought ""wait I still have to see if Naruto brings Sasuke back"" because it was that episode where Naruto went to get Sasuke back who was escorted by Orochimaru's servant's. So from that day on I decided that I would die only when I finish all the anime and manga that I start. And that's why I start a lot of anime and manga all at the seme time so I have a reason to stay alive in this shitty world. 

This is the thing that keeps me alive.Oh and music because when I  have my headphones on they're like a shield from all the bs and pain being thrown at me. 
 What about you what keeps you alive?",3.2502104942037846,4.370172587248323,4.106150091519218,89.7494508846858,73.12751677852349,6.626235509456986,24.61928004881025,6.7829847944221076,0.743994630872483,1133,33,243,9,22,364,137,298,0.136,0.8109999999999999,0.053,-0.9805,0,0,2,0,0,1,24.0,0,4,1,0,17,5,1,1,14,0,24,4,1,1,4,29,43,20,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,28,10,1,5,5,0,1,3,1,4,0,0,15,3,40,1,32,24,6,41,0,1,2,0,10,14,0,4,24,170,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777828990786167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674240799507262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552532645886409,0.0,0.3936702311957623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822912505932325,0.06941398656484846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22341085320480014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533034948331433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284735997451304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033439722519088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623348078028749,0.0,0.06116996693931194,0.0,0.2582503611660572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517896594647976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796406176596406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38267445026799946,0.11907929113216364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602393927099645,0.05258374844133756,0.0,0.09504137121924863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150520797948164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395203179423748,0.0,0.20201141132479933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185928177676599,0.11452845032130107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895206434435866,0.1106640218262118,0.0,0.0,0.12192651481998952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32678917102652577,0.08576907865409272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572134266815727,0.0,0.0,0.15236551753430316,0.11472180550621335,0.17191072944587252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092616135479155,0.0,0.09407545189292653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301235303771634,0.0,0.0,0.0854480940455781,0.18828393438236526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977630273203923,0.0971214897367556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645896087304542,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sesquippius,2019/03/20,"I can't anymore I literally can't even talk to people casually. Everytime I try I just want to disappear. I just can't amount to anything. Everyone around me has got a memo that i seemed to miss. Everyone has got it. Not me and it's fucking disgraceful. I don't deserve love or any other good things adjacent to that. Everyone else had already done the things i'm just starting to discover BECAUSE i spent my teenage years fucking depressed. How fucking pathetic is that huh ?

I just wish i could fucking die already, but i'm even too much of a coward to do THAT. God fucking damn. Why the fuck can't i man up for once in my pathetic life and do something right.

I could go on and on but im not gonna burden you all. Bye 👋",0.4775626986930419,2.880249013422823,2.752984811020841,89.29271282232429,89.06711409395973,6.358318615330273,25.96291063228541,7.669130373188453,1.733246979865772,569,27,119,12,19,193,90,149,0.203,0.7170000000000001,0.08,-0.9661,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,9,13,7,0,4,1,14,8,0,1,1,20,33,7,1,4,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,1,1,1,2,7,10,0,0,5,0,17,3,14,25,3,10,0,2,0,7,5,6,7,2,3,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607434629309965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034005460053538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171643064879536,0.0,0.0,0.09722012602907933,0.10517069885035532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201776764790774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865224025971086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175482644459867,0.0,0.1226118942287246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089944633655318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869179753259562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560622722261167,0.0,0.0,0.33866688503280673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6553177111367282,0.0,0.0,0.06714235596658424,0.09909121780619044,0.18897659037060124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761274906402506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344661028801012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662702877282428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684736184355604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581650250312898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190421983584865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089192342174033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755129449391257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095085331438027,0.0,0.0,0.08362093627965013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949574065184011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697550277906322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021010719455852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968272973502182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660404054786878,0.0,0.13585652818994054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760790474248345
suicidewatch,SilhouetteLover,2019/03/20,"Nothing matters The only people I care about have left me and it’s all my fault. I have no one now. I’m lonely and have been lonely my whole life. I’ve never experienced love and I never will. My looks are nonexistent and my will to live is even less, thank you reddit for always making me feel welcome, you guys mean more to me than anything else on this planet. Goodbye my friends ",2.5429870129870125,4.570677064935069,3.564935064935068,89.09597402597406,77.05194805194805,5.43896103896104,21.38961038961039,6.18269132825596,0.2662779220779221,302,8,60,2,7,97,57,77,0.165,0.7020000000000001,0.132,-0.2108,0,4,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,3,11,16,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,3,13,5,6,13,4,5,0,2,1,1,6,2,0,0,3,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667270381604465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945063654569036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409875288228723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974507092567649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611533637885008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951208472289725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261323829210016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23403623721666106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25680876878745196,0.0,0.16694996745802118,0.0,0.0,0.20871259743143405,0.0,0.19848514135353099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133265679975291,0.0,0.1577739398785803,0.0,0.0,0.2574682760587877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645949762577847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22679638861028875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016548491087768,0.1797644868158243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386413766928354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761102092223286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638905173015209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostTotem,2019/03/20,"There's no love in this world Has anyone ever thought of killing themselves because no one fucking loves them and any attempt at connecting with the opposite sex makes them feel worthless?

​

Now even the thought of women makes me want to die and the thought of dying alone makes me want to cut myself.  


Suddenly I'm reminded of all the times they told me to stop being dramatic.",8.110833333333336,8.198141750000001,6.835555555555558,78.11500000000002,62.05555555555557,9.977777777777778,38.83333333333333,9.516144504307137,3.6825166666666656,314,15,55,5,4,94,54,72,0.241,0.64,0.119,-0.8781,0,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,3,1,4,6,3,0,4,0,2,4,0,3,2,15,16,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,1,7,2,10,11,1,8,0,1,0,4,7,3,1,0,5,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552859445362574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940913991127272,0.2176671760264328,0.12181712779786515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525451909572116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091983027507636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718252088093389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831618645718095,0.1620367790844655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057543242033704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560631298769235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818501050840387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233504994565744,0.0,0.3587196105472529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138569993362615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976387915687647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42663668691688855,0.10445436022601523,0.0,0.0,0.1711700239690544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113155146742628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176671760264328,0.0
suicidewatch,Magic-8ight,2019/03/20,"My friend is planning suicide I have an online friend who says they are planning on killing themselfs when spring break comes along. I dont know how they plan to do it. 

Their reasoning is because his dad is abusive and he feels like he cant escape him. He mentioned his dad yells at him everyday, argues all the time, makes fun of him, takes his stuff away, shuts down the power in his room, breaks into his room and threatening him all the time by breaking his stuff, and hitting him. He also mentioned his dad dosnt care if he killed himself. 

He mentioned he has called the police but the police sided with his dad, he called CPS but they didnt do much other then scheduled a therapy session, and he also told higher ups in his school but he mentioned they didnt do much either. He has also mentioned he tried to record it but didnt tell me what went wrong. I tried to see if he could run away instead but he denied the idea.

The only way i am able to help is through a dm and with the help of his GF. Neither of us know where he lives due to it being an online friendship so we can call anyone to help him when he does try to kill himself.

I cant think of what else to do and i just want him to be happy and not kill himself, does anyone else have any ideas of what i can do to help?",3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714285,3.9324060150375963,91.80469924812031,72.57142857142857,6.201503759398498,24.150375939849624,5.750287758089431,0.38106315789473705,1007,27,219,4,19,317,137,266,0.124,0.76,0.116,-0.6607,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,2,0,5,4,10,12,5,0,12,0,26,0,0,3,2,36,39,22,5,4,10,4,1,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,10,13,0,0,7,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,5,4,36,6,29,30,6,30,0,0,1,0,67,14,0,2,10,145,46,2,0.100066909440955,0.11856292462540875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400704139802593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804892986038781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399382195052986,0.10253037408251654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803231084201089,0.0,0.0,0.06099985920773227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065385080712229,0.0,0.10202488328496777,0.0,0.0,0.08619878195368584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989528467007385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513845358156518,0.0,0.1172776726053458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718612506510402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050596836087559015,0.07148782009893216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462289201476084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652308583651678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682909603133986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225926721145517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428368366013287,0.0,0.10998831290596878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888763737801667,0.0,0.08836091434713073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679543908412372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712138457054236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610539381748245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288544902553452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957722277909968,0.0,0.10127305467157303,0.07974037111800122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291053410231291,0.10945695741178993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752378624190619,0.0,0.08746288947896573,0.0,0.11443523186336453,0.0,0.0,0.06411883504505335,0.0,0.0,0.11669963922357986,0.0,0.0,0.09561822024402723,0.0,0.2038165888378795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036817114388032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902205583249955,0.07942845498298927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276302757923112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940745670707,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,potleyr,2019/03/20,"About a year ago my friend told me she had tried to kill herself. Story: Last year I met this girl in a school proyect group. And we became friends. And about a year ago we where alone in school and she told me how she had tried to kill herself in the past. 

I didn’t knwo what to do. All I could do was grab her hand and tell her that she can’t die. That I need her alive and made her promise to never do that again. 

Over the summer I had to change school because of finacial problems. And I kinda went on a date with her on last October and thats the last time I saw her. 

I still worry for her. Was what I did the best I could have done?


I think this post is stupid. I may delete it. ",0.13230425055928666,1.9382065704698024,1.3511140939597333,103.0681029082774,83.96644295302012,4.510246085011187,15.973601789709173,5.2151,-1.1337439821029078,525,9,135,2,15,165,83,149,0.152,0.732,0.116,-0.7717,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,8,0,17,1,1,2,2,21,25,8,3,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,14,3,30,4,16,8,2,24,0,0,1,0,23,7,0,2,15,94,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458083972218737,0.0,0.0,0.14359881336785302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451929872574293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550383875348036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667252716197274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140029565682276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389603641022936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188632547808402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142401403834273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30678971530090304,0.0,0.0,0.3390529433754549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119327712831466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280666548878448,0.10693485262500163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323564020331761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278765974029286,0.0,0.0,0.13266861168872915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209613434437327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072547384694764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118555975867405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884084395448172,0.0,0.0,0.0808474953617098,0.0,0.0,0.26497060896181235,0.0,0.1882674854334424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852924810815866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408050482703275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26785672255934023
suicidewatch,Psychrosss,2019/03/20,"Vengeance I (15f) want to shoot up my school, hopefully have a lot of casualties if I get bombs involved, but like bombs are even harder to get than guns. Anyways. I want to kill the students in my school. The ones who live better lives than me in particular. The ones who live the typical, teenage life. The ones with the boyfriends, the ones in clubs, the ones passionate about their career and future. The ones eager to live life. Those ones specifically I want to kill. The one thing they’re soooo happy about and excited to wake up everyday. And the normies. I want to kill them all, and let their friends watch. And then kill myself. I would kill the inconsiderate teachers too. But only the ones who failed me last year. The stupid fucking neckbeard with his stupid fucking drawings who plays children’s video games on steam like a fucking child. And the stupid fucking arrogant teacher who I will not specify, because you never know. Oh, and he has a son too. I’d take great pleasure in knowing his normie sun has to live the rest of his life with his stupid fa**ot dad dead. After this massacre, is like to end my miserable life :)",3.7742957746478862,6.237883553990612,3.410448356807514,89.58017957746479,74.962441314554,6.513521126760563,26.142957746478878,7.554174236665415,1.3186377464788732,899,33,175,12,20,268,121,213,0.251,0.555,0.194,-0.9825,0,0,0,2,0,1,33.0,0,1,3,2,6,28,13,1,19,0,8,10,1,0,2,25,22,11,6,7,4,2,0,3,1,2,4,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,15,0,9,0,1,21,13,26,19,3,15,0,2,1,5,21,7,4,3,11,111,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248581098770182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761485259014071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625911701539885,0.0,0.0,0.05686829229709672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652070996608016,0.31839255456858023,0.08996747865185807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949256446409292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165513857995024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551680898635536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762849211073039,0.0,0.0946367069861552,0.07018305865887779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804316755996103,0.2432601375012575,0.12619245331303836,0.0,0.3801397502681567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319921096111241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640569133312163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250927961839111,0.06548299236963914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427575980259313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473654656476709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720106883096876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313623714970666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116302809855869,0.0,0.0,0.05544563006710016
suicidewatch,JennysDad,2019/03/20,"Can someone help this kid? I've been trying to get a professional to help this kid and I have been unsuccessful in getting him in contact with someone.

Does anyone have an email address I can send to this guy that will respond quickly?

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/b33klh/i_orchestrated_my_own_death_for_my_family/
",12.14673913043478,17.15705323913044,7.493652173913045,57.723086956521776,60.08695652173913,6.288695652173913,30.93913043478261,7.554174236665415,2.327805217391305,283,10,34,3,5,76,33,46,0.053,0.825,0.122,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,1,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404450455675206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009268918878165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593204662393087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404898184288521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609836569734719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5827274951119326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23346821268121565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Space__Monk,2019/03/20,"I need a foundation I need something that I can rely on

Something that feels right

That doesn't feel chaotic and meaningless

Something that makes sense to me

Something that I can come back to every day 

That I don't get tired of after a week

That makes me feel good about myself 

Something that keeps me going",5.695,6.726089833333332,5.010000000000002,85.86000000000001,67.33333333333334,7.333333333333332,28.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.4458333333333335,250,8,47,2,4,75,36,60,0.05,0.813,0.13699999999999998,0.6167,0,0,5,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,10,15,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,6,15,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,31,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444376236446883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180781689094564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114147703702205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826358451539574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28493315346320386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981388227038778,0.0,0.10675399169605716,0.15755156176079002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696112132418445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507697656860464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785624579642012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604146205492711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.723043338269577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589483373154794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506741871354186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sparrowhawk398,2019/03/20,Currently trying to hang myself but it’s too fucking painful People on the internet say you can pass out by just compressing the artery but I can’t work it out. I really wanna end it but I keep getting up when I feel like I’m suffocating. If I fail (to end it) I’m gonna have to tell my girlfriend and parents about being depressed and failing final year university. I know that makes it seem ‘not that bad’ and tbh it isn’t. I just wanna die and not be in so much pain.,0.625454545454545,2.8275287171717167,2.938181818181821,90.02727272727276,85.06060606060606,6.024242424242424,21.12121212121212,7.348242739294969,0.7322242424242433,369,12,80,6,11,126,70,99,0.255,0.716,0.029,-0.9816,2,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,1,0,3,6,8,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,0,21,16,10,1,3,8,1,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,0,2,10,1,12,13,1,13,0,3,0,1,5,5,1,2,7,54,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071117816745924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864120471776788,0.0,0.22462162248346915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833879592810781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943421858107716,0.15461863498842118,0.0,0.2370900189779103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008734123175126,0.1130764733187077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237417222378886,0.0,0.0,0.11894503694940806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573744938280424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446963972809287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591019814873584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605965370555294,0.0,0.2403214561231083,0.0,0.0,0.15004628110101442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865149650913766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211493573655184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703101743419932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917058269039075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694271327384684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756463646097785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937472524227293
suicidewatch,alt1272,2019/03/20,"I don’t know why I’m posting this I feel guilty even posting this since my problems pale in comparison to the some of the posts on this subreddit. I'm a 16 year old son of asian immigrants, I've always wanted to succeed and make my parents proud. It's been my only goal in life for as long as I can remember. Don't get the wrong idea, they don't put pressure on me or anything they tell me they'll be proud of me no matter what but I just want to make them feel like all theyve sacrificed for me has been worth it, and I don't mean the regular sacrifice that every parent makes, they have truly worked so hard for me. I have loving parents, friends, financial security, hobbies.
 
However, I just can't seem to succeed. This is my own fault of course, I'm not blaming anything else. I have a 3.6 UWGPA, 1540 SAT. God I sound like such a sheltered brat right now. I know these scores are really good for others but they aren't good enough for me. I want to be the best, not because I want it, but because I want to make my parents proud. Every time I have to stand in front of my parents and tell them about another B it hurts so badly, I can see my dreams crumbling away in front of me.
 
I hit and choke myself to cope, I have suicidal thoughts every day. I die a little inside every time I hear my parents talk about how smart I am to their friends knowing its a lie, knowing I'm a lazy fuck who is wasting away the opportunities I have been given. I know I'll never follow through with it because of the effect it would have on my family but it scares me that it is the only thing stopping me. I don't even know why I posted this or what I'm looking for. I can't go to a therapist or a doctor because I've tried telling my parents a little bit of how I feel before and they get so upset, thinking that they have failed in parenting me and that they are responsible for me being this way. They aren't, I just want them to be happy.",4.60253300330033,4.432760705445546,5.637376237623763,84.62738448844884,69.42079207920793,8.515511551155111,28.96204620462046,8.07648339933343,1.7118105610561054,1511,49,329,18,24,502,188,404,0.136,0.6579999999999999,0.206,0.9767,9,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,13,11,14,27,1,3,17,0,35,4,0,7,2,54,75,20,2,8,12,9,4,2,2,2,2,2,0,0,25,7,0,2,16,1,1,5,13,10,0,0,6,8,62,17,42,62,6,33,1,2,2,2,31,13,1,5,11,214,87,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647492425807705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711696886286835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117057125239598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275359183571773,0.0,0.056670268071886326,0.165496515548401,0.0,0.057754055754762876,0.0,0.0712274553731093,0.0,0.07409862319198816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043771812026193166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044039937078131,0.0,0.0,0.069469847250181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056698329934027625,0.0,0.0,0.07012989839953303,0.0,0.08965760501026394,0.0,0.2287402809157537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398366205128599,0.0,0.10295433685037723,0.048487755890691216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048754463732266,0.06274655159896554,0.07092061620733289,0.0,0.038573210198993534,0.11385559289026792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225098451199415,0.06079996243532066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649665395690566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265835807779815,0.07661920372538908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238039903706577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047939986506205734,0.0663176419137534,0.13605110862500427,0.0,0.06006456626693585,0.0569953689901929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061257111618115326,0.0,0.18122029405514933,0.0,0.0,0.07393248329406192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234705495352531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122022544559849,0.0,0.0,0.10323939804795168,0.0,0.0,0.6029104111889414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600103801873089,0.0,0.0,0.06494431830407836,0.0,0.06823008600947593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434805281854774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768857221984148,0.0579622998553164,0.0,0.0,0.06795169208650341,0.0,0.054085180441255626,0.06178810126579772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056144403014055835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056744014172192665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424092977203442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054552926373457766,0.1779693056249987,0.0,0.0,0.07880459971535235,0.04509112748294837,0.043489624069632006,0.0,0.0538827705431571,0.0791533944016457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04608061901252509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019591293278786,0.05387361834030058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248780981595232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941160960512635,0.0,0.0,0.04821430706801976,0.07420735512836008,0.0,0.0437073296849734
suicidewatch,rooftoppastryshop,2019/03/20,"I don’t think I can take it anymore. I know I haven’t lived at all (I’m turning 16 in May), but I don’t think I’ll ever live. It’s hard to do so when you have so little friends who come and go. I’m not even interested in anything anymore. Books, movies, school. Part of me is thinking “how would baby sea turtles be if you killed yourself?” because all humans don’t give a crap about my existence at the core of it all. But maybe those baby sea turtles would be in a better world if I wasn’t out ruining lives. I’m just waiting for an opportunity for my parents to be asleep to break into the medicine cabinet and swallow 50 painkillers. 

I can’t do this living thing anymore. I just need to write a few letters to close friends who’ll be fine when I depart if I tell them why. I’m a mistake. A hopeless heartbreak. God’s guinea pig that was shoved into an impossible world with this thing called “being a ‘genius’” so I could change the world or something like that. 

I think that should be someone else’s job.",2.5992335972850675,4.1413997548076935,3.648110859728509,90.6998303167421,75.49038461538461,6.047963800904977,26.177601809954748,6.522977012572876,0.8489142533936649,791,29,171,6,17,255,123,208,0.136,0.763,0.101,-0.8191,2,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,2,1,2,11,13,2,0,11,0,24,3,2,1,4,36,40,14,1,9,9,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,1,5,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,2,1,18,7,19,26,5,20,0,3,0,0,14,13,1,5,4,108,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947028895600947,0.0,0.0,0.1091716576413698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808711055507316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733105309448814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546538392911178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403415504427942,0.11427880136545282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592188381215598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082424568157027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762371357710333,0.12000272105281193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499267347653216,0.0,0.0,0.12726396771766374,0.07539634639669612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884141882490143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164913970791028,0.0,0.1467737180858876,0.0,0.07290899174106609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481321979874871,0.13296477607939675,0.4685810704179569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327941665996154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836911594641444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473083325631594,0.14366282793618307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426365241104735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240628053453687,0.10213168636767707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974726486470484,0.0,0.1159547031532954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762729235955926,0.3400244619621132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430098338245767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970916201443282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188482243413173,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gaslightingisthegame,2019/03/20,Thought today was a good day. It turned out terrible. I just keep coming back to the thought how easy it would be to not be here.,0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,85.2962962962963,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,-0.1190888888888888,100,3,24,1,3,31,23,27,0.1,0.7120000000000001,0.188,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,9,9,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26610157667047285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981031818842946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318241761606916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902617609839317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307597262444088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494717463593929,0.0,0.0,0.3280278650125579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376417863867686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458336796449053,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VerlanderFan_23,2019/03/20,"Please help me :( I was on Gabapentin for over a year for anxiety at 600 mg per day. It helped and I slowly tapered off. I’ve been off for about 4 months and I have way worse anxiety than before, even just getting panic attacks while sitting at home. I have moments of depression and suicidal thoughts, naseua and lack of appetite sometimes. I want to give up. When will this end?? Gabapentin was supposed to be safe and harmless!! I can’t do this anymore ",2.2472413793103456,4.926023666666667,2.451275862068968,92.98381034482759,82.44827586206897,5.319080459770115,28.240229885057467,6.742157984588678,1.3726285057471261,357,17,70,4,10,108,66,87,0.265,0.626,0.11,-0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,13,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,7,2,16,7,1,16,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,7,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406521601525957,0.0,0.22080824553127346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532956842599373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945812758961844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359035810231208,0.0,0.191767487685178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972011650352264,0.0,0.0,0.14705774120472367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163250526612164,0.21358546522731375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29847422126901896,0.0,0.22333536882616534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777165209710052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261230942726782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440203518910966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020581849918844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354216100160275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675864808171005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132430650457572,0.17672862492240365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268986248506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337882830634474
suicidewatch,gr8kris,2019/03/20,"I give up on family and life My family has always hated me, because they wanted a girl rather than a boy, and prefer my sisters over me. So I’m going to end it tonight, because I’m unwanted anyway. They won’t notice, nor would they care. I’m going to drink insect repellant, and kill my self. ",2.468,4.077023133333338,4.823333333333334,81.855,76.0,7.466666666666668,22.0,8.238735603445708,1.3204000000000002,228,6,44,4,5,80,43,60,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.925,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,12,5,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,6,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038328192884737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986601734293137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497609808592109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399751669809242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169687453121568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618676481872142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349954190128924,0.2784416725532222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24185496972449186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710205567234257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730279895827172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788974444066216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555548229974954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448834521944687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740180844653209,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AZT20,2019/03/20,"Don't know what to do anymore. I'm new to this sub and have no idea if this post would be allowed but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I tried committing suicide a couple years back but didn't end up doing so because I thought there would be more to live for back then. Flash-forward to present day and I'm back to the same spot I was at all those years ago and am starting to have those same thoughts again and I don't know what to do with myself. A lot of my friends that I had in the past have moved onto other things and don't really want to associate themselves with me and although a lot of it had to deal with my negativity, I've also been facing failure in a lot of the things that I've involved myself in in the recent months. Rejections from jobs, people, friends, and a bunch of situations, I just am lost and I think that I'm about ready to give up everything. ",6.465723723723728,4.753635848648653,6.650450450450452,83.99381381381383,66.18918918918922,9.735735735735735,32.447447447447445,8.167268648758528,2.061348348348349,692,22,157,7,9,223,100,185,0.135,0.7959999999999999,0.069,-0.9261,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,9,0,22,1,1,1,2,34,35,15,1,4,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,8,0,13,2,29,23,8,26,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,4,16,119,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455761851068145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236938804565164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27870523629537874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324140911448126,0.0,0.0856563297792383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547661216049424,0.0,0.09062022251106316,0.1448642707137863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124454132513549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262853644880691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712229506518368,0.0,0.0,0.13479430401752346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862375736376594,0.0,0.0,0.13943895102188034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166926918762856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407687029470164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338816618300322,0.35838118735371505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215732648851998,0.14934466695354334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570977144311314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413698163463467,0.0974150559466071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345740410155992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001718130171722,0.0,0.13874110851179206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579441757156064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945688027205148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370004722089375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867031688491362,0.09003601239432843,0.0,0.22310562117974625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540011608072613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287908766183437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963492633597807,0.0,0.0,0.18097345108978136
suicidewatch,mirrortrex,2019/03/20,"How do you stop the urge to self-harm? I don't have anyone I could confide in during times like these. I feel antagonized by everyone and everything. That I should just keep to myself. That everything I do is wrong.

​

I'd overcome it before, but everytime I fall again, it just gets harder and harder to stop the urge. The better I feel, the worse I get when I fall down again. I'm scared soon enough I can't save me from myself anymore.",2.0898377028714137,4.396299157303375,3.1161048689138577,90.3348564294632,79.89887640449437,6.202746566791513,20.001248439450688,7.3871296695380915,0.5316806491885142,351,9,72,5,9,112,58,89,0.217,0.721,0.062,-0.9184,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,14,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,14,3,7,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323140133901914,0.2503467384542201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043245513865202,0.14405966441379162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753147706651027,0.0,0.0,0.18221514527515933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644967034524744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128821412454164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968687149071096,0.3703296111503414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083480339521508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528239711184213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312727538829174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065494129562726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062701079390183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493228089891234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444974972305696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013666404497098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996027399824166,0.0,0.2252594259567545,0.2503467384542201,0.0
suicidewatch,blowfishi7,2019/03/20,"I’m just being toyed and played with and treated like i’m insane Backstory:
drug addict lower class high school student 

everyone is so annoying. I was in the ER on drug overdose two nights ago, and now i can’t do anything in my house and i’m being treated like i’m insane and I can’t take it. I can’t shower, i can lay in bed. that’s it. My life right now is terrible and i just want to end it all. The people who say they care about me don’t read my messages for hours, then leave me on opened for a few then hit me with a dry response saying “i care about you” and repeat the cycle

I have no one to talk to and i’m loosing hope, and quite frankly memes are the only thing helping me hold on (lol)",0.8244266917293217,2.479045822368424,2.6956015037593986,95.07421052631581,80.90789473684211,5.395488721804512,20.06766917293233,6.18269132825596,-0.08804097744360861,543,14,127,4,14,181,92,152,0.114,0.7559999999999999,0.13,0.3836,2,0,2,0,1,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,7,10,1,0,6,1,13,4,0,0,1,18,24,12,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,6,12,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,1,2,1,2,17,8,15,20,2,18,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,11,78,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189531223853986,0.0,0.0,0.15411490465373895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307057808667756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35452027474141945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032408939335087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398686162616854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612906881018052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653356257129804,0.1836908533942156,0.0,0.17268053378370887,0.171215417425391,0.20060915078484387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409085053479407,0.0,0.0,0.1228012682241157,0.1698767798273677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163154249466082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178108925222271,0.1322270815547855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205314635793438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491971674572746,0.17390536174254415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847404953895724,0.0,0.276518217658792,0.0,0.17595389482478746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071981460278212,0.13974072652544928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550373798800614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983430940898553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254613764710936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,t_cynocephalus,2019/03/20,"I'm Tired of Waiting Hi everyone. First of all I want to say thank you to this community, I believe this is my first time posting here but I lurk a lot.

​

Now I'll get right to the point: I do not want to be alive, but I cannot kill myself until my parents die. I love my parents and I have a good relationship with them, I know it would absolutely destroy them if I died. Thus, I must let myself face their deaths before I'm allowed to end my suffering. This is painful for me because like I said I love my parents and the thought of them being dead makes me very upset. I also feel like it's unfair- I'm trapped in this world and I can't leave until something so horrible happens?

​

At the same time, I really really want to die. I've been suicidal multiple times before (never attempted), I understand how the universe works and how people work, I understand that existence just isn't for me. Sure there are things that I enjoy about being alive, I'm capable of feeling happy and excited- but even in those times, I know I'm ready to throw in the towel. It's not worth living for.

​

I wish there was something I could give my parents to make them completely forget about me, or a way to make them stop loving me, or a way to go back in time and stop myself from being born. It's getting harder to deal with being alive. I might be here for a long time, and I don't know how to cope with that I guess.",2.783607305936073,4.400763821917807,4.147465753424658,86.9974771689498,75.16438356164383,7.195433789954338,25.180365296803647,7.9370924344782425,1.3644036529680363,1124,38,233,17,24,371,151,292,0.214,0.58,0.206,-0.8302,6,1,2,0,0,2,43.0,0,1,6,5,15,16,2,1,10,0,22,6,1,8,4,53,54,20,7,8,9,4,2,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,10,0,3,8,0,1,2,7,5,0,2,4,4,45,11,33,39,3,31,0,1,0,3,20,8,0,6,20,157,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640064009329799,0.0,0.26016358634786857,0.29176497981942884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154432121229046,0.0,0.04879045335790304,0.0,0.1362129736300525,0.09017547582021196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391837429581694,0.0,0.0,0.06390387143250162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251571672174067,0.0,0.0,0.2492005834895325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088995714911417,0.0,0.0,0.05286437821290845,0.0,0.0,0.07647978824171693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093928750821086,0.057179200042366464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616065157597068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363315700542677,0.07677979222350546,0.0454874691915353,0.06713212028714144,0.0,0.0,0.08817093738702894,0.0,0.0707773846840236,0.08520199421030251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855024545130293,0.0,0.13196045992036184,0.0,0.0,0.08474874004275297,0.0,0.08184433048625002,0.0,0.07820509824940211,0.0,0.07067506591177293,0.07083115699925502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680454892670001,0.2167123993401124,0.0,0.16027806280943774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490772441983396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173027956921817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516612998521042,0.0,0.3554911376669453,0.0,0.0,0.05548830723625611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566182932930332,0.0,0.07665432885437028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025488506694313,0.0,0.0,0.08593091399417939,0.0,0.0683520587303369,0.0761345155836402,0.06364947110997539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323440482608936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338307899781183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754863772900259,0.0,0.07543491640437366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368828444511842,0.0,0.0,0.053173725018243946,0.0,0.0,0.06354127261879741,0.2800249891577016,0.09199196622020207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664486878020626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603977481781015,0.1416255496119943,0.1270609597619073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203980932072818,0.0,0.0,0.11653730960022615,0.0,0.0,0.05685673543979487,0.0,0.29176497981942884,0.0
suicidewatch,dal3aintd3ad,2019/03/20,"I want to kill myself but I can't imagine leaving my dog I've always had depression and its5very rare that I'm genuinely happy. I'm usually either content or just trying to get by. I've talked to a therapist, I try to stay busy and active, I have good friends, but at the end of the day I'm miserable and I don't want to keep feeling this way. 

Last week I thought about taking a bunch of pills, but the thought of leaving my dog made me burst into tears. 

I'm so unhappy and I would rather be dead. I love my dog though and I dont know that I'll be able to leave him, even though I know I have friends that would take him in.  ",2.27058823529412,3.121949588235297,3.7698823529411776,92.25747058823532,75.17647058823529,7.2047058823529415,25.364705882352943,7.554174236665415,0.9893611764705892,488,16,116,6,10,162,81,136,0.16899999999999998,0.631,0.201,0.6073,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,1,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,25,27,12,2,5,7,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,18,5,14,19,2,10,0,2,0,1,6,3,0,1,5,68,22,0,0.14841544882532454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349354273638714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571568638859554,0.0,0.1278300085979645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394180068269482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145203562016514,0.0,0.0,0.09802700420969232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504331031136104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293308152040137,0.0,0.07754094638948164,0.0,0.0,0.1244838369514066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579910050486149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191847019390396,0.16419970454707056,0.0,0.1631304985501889,0.12097839953872028,0.0,0.4714515924208014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395073709085029,0.1404342862139473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819112114397468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317989397228105,0.11929071588851352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232177520592065,0.0,0.0,0.2916348498489779,0.2356505764016012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152869501293974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634586489044211,0.0,0.1750785540577236,0.1178052751070348,0.11904992076580685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108601531965128,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HannahMorlovcozic,2019/03/20,"Ever have one of those days? My depression has been relatively under control but there are some things that are changing in my life (new job, lost a friend) and I woke today wanting to end it all. Trying to get through the day with the ""this to shall pass"" mentality, or maybe "" he has a plan, be patient"" but fuck right now I just want the bad thoughts to stay down so I can make it through the day!!",4.703500000000002,4.987417350000001,4.810000000000001,89.075,69.25,7.9,28.5,7.554174236665415,1.3267000000000002,308,10,69,3,5,96,64,80,0.177,0.8059999999999999,0.017,-0.9426,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,6,0,9,2,0,2,2,14,17,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,0,5,1,11,11,2,14,0,2,0,1,2,4,1,2,8,49,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367760109506214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200443884919047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332981348549576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024429511423788,0.0,0.17915658288187006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423293382262715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815472173505848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070610356713586,0.19229961193887699,0.1086753504981538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641537984376626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692187166585816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270647932602067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884664309914413,0.0,0.20897152443426506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962266879139546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008949709937595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409512872489351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763729615773705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22170835328300004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381909618280976,0.0,0.0,0.1651347460792011,0.0,0.0,0.1971668190572296,0.0,0.0,0.1412234605440517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453764638280717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymity-Is-Key,2019/03/20,"I have no life. I'm a waste. I don't have anything to live for. I live with my mum, I have no friends, no job and my day to day life is laying in bed looking at the ceiling hoping to just pass. I've tried to kill myself before to no avail and now am too much of a pussy to do it but it's getting to a point I'm not scared. I don't know why I'm living. There is no happiness. I've not left the house for months and even when I have it has been for something trivial. I have a few personality disorders which make it impossible to have a job and I can't keep a hobby as I lose interest extremely quickly. I've tried loads of hobbies and tried volunteering. There is nothing in life that I enjoy. My mum told me when I did try to kill myself a small part of her was happy to let me go because she knows how unhappy I am. I've seen doctors and am on medication, I've tried and tried all the different things people have suggested but I've ended up like this. I am nothing. I am a waste of space. There is nothing in this world for me and there never has been. This has been my life since I was a small child. My oldest memory's are of me crying and telling my mum I don't want to live anymore. I hate myself. I hate who I am. I do t even care enough to change it anymore. What is the point. Really. People just live and die. Why not just skip living.",-0.11771117747440485,1.858349348122872,2.318138865187713,94.75096256399321,86.23549488054606,5.4372440273037554,18.712563993174054,6.770275591412753,-0.01387022184300335,1041,28,248,13,32,356,135,293,0.174,0.72,0.107,-0.9563,3,0,1,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,1,15,14,4,1,13,0,35,6,0,2,2,28,52,16,3,2,8,3,0,1,1,0,6,0,1,2,13,11,0,1,2,0,0,2,13,6,0,0,8,2,35,8,29,43,5,25,0,1,2,0,12,13,0,1,11,166,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665123507160532,0.0,0.0,0.0732904749392246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054291396345229226,0.0,0.07578524106410632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080469114915284,0.0,0.0942158350242164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783047504478644,0.11487530296759214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924323422347069,0.0930508817472906,0.10207282021537463,0.09115877753931477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788825373735836,0.09202490087584182,0.0,0.11764928229084468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880911549181787,0.0,0.04653124291833345,0.0,0.050616012942192236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961640725669487,0.0,0.17586066288792987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884587069054789,0.0,0.10276564290715492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676067549013375,0.07916243827068037,0.1970679156021944,0.0,0.09789234216075224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676617312126036,0.09107197574992776,0.25162862670008673,0.043511216775649626,0.0,0.4718605076687292,0.0,0.074789687442916,0.09963764782179813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059449607006799375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972064112552455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108847508529872,0.0,0.06547085111604428,0.0,0.06869014005690458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563723042693723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644551633669643,0.0,0.12348881690403325,0.07776554292248893,0.0,0.0,0.16838484095196132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705542696643131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916664463109845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367304445055645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856431386999925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784415341076058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059168865657816226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510260122757572,0.0,0.3628036966002469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253110200467965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607292868527389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Betterbeinganonymous,2019/03/20,"does it get better? does it get better? this feeling of loneliness, sadness, anxiety? because i don't see it getting better. ",2.300909090909091,5.011754090909093,4.255000000000003,74.3525,99.0,5.836363636363638,32.77272727272727,7.1686216300943375,3.4086909090909088,98,6,13,2,4,33,16,22,0.237,0.416,0.348,0.5369,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154431069823348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606012819869584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6990204010022049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611069687001403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321205730120675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129371006196789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099415637018962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaypain90,2019/03/20,"Can't stop hurting. I can't stop the pain inside. I turned to self harming to help deal with my depression and low moods, but that's turned unhealthy as now I can't stop self harming. I find it pleasurable and I'm fixated on going harder and deeper. I can't stop. I don't know what to do. What's the point after all? Life is shit. Maybe I should just cut deeper. Or find another way to relieve the pain. ",-0.3782156862745083,1.881379011764708,1.6101470588235287,96.13482843137257,94.17647058823529,4.715686274509804,17.67156862745098,6.42735559955562,-0.09972549019607868,316,9,70,4,12,104,52,85,0.231,0.527,0.242,-0.4525,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,12,2,0,3,0,8,4,1,0,1,16,13,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,0,0,8,2,8,12,1,11,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,1,6,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157762262780168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869269088646696,0.14093206186106935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29910500518488803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299323673587648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967601422843044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516654327476916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992535385571583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557488970421853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164385741986331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482222347541332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468080620318864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413981813294648,0.0,0.16796120093834702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471994180454629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.355959304401856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987983417228133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Runixiv,2019/03/20,"I keep getting hurt. The other day, I got back together with my ex boyfriend whom I considered the best person i’ve ever dated. It was amazing back then but it ended abruptly. This time, it only lasted like 2 or 3 fucking days. Every fucking time I’m with someone it only lasts a few days or a week. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m surprised I never killed myself because I made a promise to do it when I turn 18 but here I am, 18 and fucking alone. The loneliness was gone but now it’s back again and I feel like even my friends can’t make me feel less lonely. I’m tired of this goddamn bullshit called life, I just want to take a gun and blow my brains out. I’ll be alone forever.",1.1268472906403917,3.0371157586206934,2.853423645320195,93.05215517241379,81.06896551724137,5.246305418719213,22.77093596059113,6.18269132825596,0.3620246305418724,535,18,117,4,14,177,95,145,0.234,0.606,0.16,-0.9383,0,4,0,1,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,15,5,0,8,0,7,7,1,2,2,21,25,10,1,1,6,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,11,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,5,2,15,7,7,19,3,22,0,2,0,4,5,1,4,2,22,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763073125536023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077101374553172,0.0,0.08131439160991409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399864445579295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890934292506075,0.13620792251305522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580799905868089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814552520240908,0.0,0.0,0.08810401331355447,0.12066050275301765,0.11238832864674816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489378491302775,0.0952951150111312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305815912073428,0.4932742084129528,0.06969170003839642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668559285000148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427986604526074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856474394958895,0.14757824205818626,0.0,0.0,0.21746421018460654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421855979558776,0.1303369726510982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262185284761541,0.08904004963267381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287996486238472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290092065383192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647255802276878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302242318259625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002940185124384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555636404380258,0.15331422955478344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509195333178826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867792850541075,0.0,0.10699884066324636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458429723489544,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crazyintheeighties,2019/03/20,Gun hire Looking to hire a gun to shoot myself only need one shot any recommendations ,3.17625,6.225134125000004,4.492500000000003,77.1025,82.75,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.8407249999999995,70,2,12,1,2,23,13,16,0.375,0.625,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40970138939691797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059244592247563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446725103049764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40825038986509055,0.4582068469202005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sketchyscoundrel,2019/03/20,"Thank you I dont know if this post breaks the rules, but Ill try my luck with it. I just want to say thank you to every wonderful human being who adds to this subreddit. As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts forever, finding this community has been amazing. 

One of the worst feelings ive ever had was being completely and utterly alone. I cant even imagine how much easier my struggles would have been with awesome, compassionate, empathetic people like you. Please know that you help so much. Thank you. ",5.132342105263156,7.455193642105263,5.437039473684212,77.2324013157895,70.47368421052632,8.960526315789474,30.822368421052627,9.516144504307137,3.1609210526315783,416,18,71,10,8,132,71,95,0.174,0.475,0.35100000000000003,0.9767,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,5,0,0,5,10,0,2,2,0,13,1,0,1,1,20,22,6,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,2,11,7,8,14,3,3,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,3,2,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848655157545532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187147120341154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919314383111648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789332472405405,0.16145766007052775,0.15038853766161353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025171606774954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313989642563725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964048271638122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961908046973928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720294605434332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242663483497186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095186776756547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374497240931635,0.0,0.0,0.19593234780926905,0.0,0.0,0.17094750735053638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194525727440285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123702923661636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732004852550708,0.0,0.1952430034335217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929987152100198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170396284729875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118542270021865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528013679573532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356867109813367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267967164383789,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelloYesThisIsBlaze,2019/03/20,"It’s over. Everything is pointless to me Nothing can help me now. I’ve tried my best to make it out of all of this shit. I’ve screwed up way too much now. I don’t care if there are people that like me, it’s just.....  not enough. I honestly feel like killing myself right at the spot.. nothing. Absolutely nothing cheers me up anymore. I’ve lost all motivation to even study. And even get yelled at for not studying enough.
Assist me, if you care, but it won’t matter at all. Everyone will remember me as a depressed piece of shit who is bad at art and not even social.. my life isn’t even worth anything, not even a tombstone. I’d just hope to rot away like the pile of trash I am. I don’t care if my family will miss me, but at this point, I’m honestly willing to give up, sad that I don’t live near the Golden Gate Bridge, cause it’d give me time to let go of all my problems as I fall to my death.",1.945625,3.079652729166668,3.3530416666666696,93.82112500000004,76.39583333333334,6.786666666666667,23.21666666666667,7.3011,0.5782329166666673,692,20,167,8,15,227,106,192,0.202,0.6659999999999999,0.131,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,0,3,11,21,4,0,5,0,15,4,2,3,4,26,28,9,2,5,11,0,1,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,10,3,0,0,3,1,1,2,9,10,0,0,1,2,21,11,27,21,9,20,0,4,0,1,6,14,3,4,6,108,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124332864276614,0.0,0.0,0.10060480059297523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486185750808155,0.0,0.10207716132153404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282982540936696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739389540131643,0.12558875325883578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529737454536603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526425653505345,0.0,0.4037387735102017,0.0,0.0,0.11681913964322753,0.10987420367783272,0.0,0.11525039170216572,0.0,0.06181540343810425,0.08733843421906545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387278045372366,0.2345547621336961,0.06947988661669026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194442198850765,0.0,0.0,0.1214260185422166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525617325356765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501321580365646,0.08635176615255491,0.17918169956881422,0.0,0.1079527099100708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345491523329125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160563651974434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987091333006025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35191864386156285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475567807682251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556974737098866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698077108146275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849019133304058,0.1044044299453994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25098438567838904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462277435212332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128741476248722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300258567280679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703970384120628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drew198442,2019/03/20,"I just want it to end I’m tired of fighting. I just want it to end. I’m not sure why I’m even on here saying anything. I don’t talk to anyone. Not even my wife. Im a burden, I’ve let everyone I love down. I made a video of me saying goodbye and trying to explain the darkness in my head. I made it for my family, especially my wife. I love her so much, but I just can’t go any further. I’m done. Anxiety so bad that I can’t force myself to see a Dr. Depression is so bad... I just want it to stop. I’m lost. I tried to hang myself 2 days ago... and I couldn’t even do that right. ",-2.198898156277437,-0.4668381417910439,1.3975504828797192,99.08217295873577,94.59701492537312,4.6454784899034225,15.345039508340651,6.2272716619740125,-0.6978914837576822,435,10,116,5,17,158,73,134,0.215,0.715,0.07,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,2,3,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,1,0,4,0,8,5,1,2,1,18,24,6,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,4,3,20,3,13,18,1,12,0,2,1,2,10,5,0,0,5,68,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636448275093438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461233655408976,0.0,0.11768252297302388,0.0,0.0,0.10756424932547028,0.0,0.12659220353476455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688978470414914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992101480202594,0.0,0.13249692451608586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574255037819994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725023745532032,0.0,0.0,0.30481754761103386,0.0,0.0,0.1469948970159198,0.0,0.0,0.14502092303576058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742735830010256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787797661444067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616702490502708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730559939757946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792788905052716,0.0,0.2776822265109832,0.29112273751745743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308562697880414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313733218263735,0.0,0.2446698053440781,0.0,0.0,0.12258571233168285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861204013939784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498664317976012,0.0,0.0,0.12364587276419772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680945399708406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888625905466732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722056841245614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881117984384803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgitatedRelease,2019/03/20,"I've had suicidal thoughts before but this time it feels more real and dangerous Tl;dr: I feel like I have a more focused and dedicated desire to end my life than ever before. Sorry for the long post. I'm having trouble keeping my head together so hopefully this isn't too rambling. 

-----

I've had like three near misses in the past in the midst of prolonged emotional turmoil. In a fit of passion Ive decided I'm fucking done but fortunately I was so churned up inside that I could barely walk. I'd made a point of not keeping materials around that could be used and I never did any research. 

A year ago I started getting help and it's been going pretty good. We dismantle my anxiety in its many forms and also help me be more tolerant of it. Recently I even managed to get involved in a small research project in my field of study and Ive been doing practice job interviews and writing up a resume. And naturally I started thinking about what comes next. Careers, responsibility, commitment. I started to freak out and stop being involved in my life. I don't think I ever really considered that my future was a possibility before, I've just been faffing about for the past few years doing nothing really new. I feel myself revolting mentally and physically, my thoughts are cloudy and when I try to challenge that it hurts physically in my heart and my guts. I become angry and frustrated with myself over my incompetence. I square up anyway and I throw logic at myself, dismantling reasons for fear. All it feels like Ive done is strip away any facades my fear of life had and its just there in my heart, naked. No rhyme of reason, just pure fear. It feels stronger that it's ever felt before. I don't know what to do about it, I question why the hell I do anything anyway, what's the point, I'm clearly incapable of doing anything for more than a week or two at a time and whenever a real challenge approaches I collapse internally because of fear that I can't even touch, do I really want to keep this up forever? Going nowhere?

...

Why don't you end it? Quit now, nothing matters when you're gone...

...

And it doesn't stop there, my thoughts are more detailed and meticulous. My thoughts on the matter have never been so prolonged. Thinking about packing up my things, boxing them up. I've even chosen a day, Friday night when my housemate will be out of town.

I'm not sold on the idea thankfully, otherwise I guess I wouldn't be making this post. ",4.068461538461541,6.042690959660303,5.153970276008494,79.62150906418424,72.52441613588111,7.973019761554794,29.6990037563286,8.69343788997812,2.5060874407969957,1946,83,352,37,39,640,230,471,0.157,0.703,0.14,-0.9193,1,0,0,0,0,1,59.0,1,1,1,3,27,22,4,5,19,0,42,9,4,5,9,81,82,28,1,6,8,0,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,26,24,0,5,20,0,1,7,12,13,0,2,20,8,50,9,52,53,8,70,1,2,1,2,10,30,2,4,34,244,76,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538898551754778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058990532858515736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003266308337218,0.0,0.05643068220635196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140603765114134,0.06566725608133843,0.0,0.0,0.06930545518262224,0.0,0.0,0.044966984552138003,0.08146859863103519,0.2510772603850468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354275807956575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779207618539812,0.0,0.0,0.047572878224744784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509761747227877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297666566940061,0.13066931699291534,0.0,0.0,0.14616496762310893,0.2001763349362609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320284096528036,0.18649118016717686,0.10539669251063533,0.07082679515328591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819535038791635,0.07707923620882684,0.0,0.08384567814721088,0.06187130489975633,0.0,0.0,0.08126141297245898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570505543761666,0.0,0.0,0.1748258022935958,0.0988874042053659,0.0,0.0,0.07326614481652227,0.0,0.0,0.07896788048839685,0.08327267891773985,0.0,0.0,0.0732012353637758,0.19669946133960864,0.0,0.0,0.040539788383081116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630902865918994,0.10811482173826764,0.0,0.0,0.0652804662262817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979904181548126,0.04923928540917573,0.07478700563722346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433863856169999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378555995067703,0.07124352878280554,0.0784508306509192,0.06922426406085562,0.0,0.14156066733386347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408357233278755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946516486246932,0.08315992541252468,0.14129460926153276,0.07504640053771097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826346470855075,0.0784590738148444,0.0,0.16792339977172033,0.14176889944223753,0.15168718279220386,0.0728348891351685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257484274417698,0.156635569501643,0.0,0.0,0.1233431266030998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068787988999299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791369459124869,0.0,0.0,0.04900676068605759,0.14179855670584185,0.0,0.2342474174866289,0.0860269341989171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050082177897773694,0.0,0.07205852816947164,0.0,0.0,0.0637100201843028,0.0,0.0,0.04350901637030352,0.0,0.059170524675170214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312443306900454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500559270371373
suicidewatch,brdo_,2019/03/20,"Happy to say I've picked a date Tried to hang myself when I was eight, and unfortunately had the knot slip and was too young and embarrassed to ever try anything more serious than some minor self harm. I feel like I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for most of my life. I can hardly think of a year since I was seven where I didn't feel this way. Almost drowned myself in our local lake four years ago when I was 21, went back to the drawing board because drowning is apparently excruciating and I got cold feet. Sort of figured I was going to attempt this again in the next five or so years, so I picked this upcoming April 13th because why not? The knowledge that I have a chance to sort things out has me feeling somewhat relieved. I've actually got most of the supplies I'll need for a partial suspension, so I'm planning to pick up the rest of my things over the coming weeks. 

I'm stuck in a dilemma. A very large part of me genuinely wants to confide in someone, mostly so that my family will have something more than just a letter. But another part of me realizes that realistically it's immensely unfair to whoever I talk to, and I'll probably wind up getting the usual ""suicide isn't the answer""/""permanent solution to a temporary problem"" bit. Does it make sense to try to open up to one of my better friends or past SOs about this, or should I just leave things off with some delayed personal letters?",8.571471571906358,7.006718086956525,8.423333333333336,72.48576923076924,61.97101449275362,11.535785953177259,38.2597547380156,10.389873798559362,3.80844403567447,1136,47,215,21,13,368,168,276,0.156,0.7809999999999999,0.063,-0.9767,1,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,1,0,0,3,14,10,0,2,17,0,16,2,1,4,1,44,33,15,4,4,7,0,4,1,1,2,1,1,0,2,12,10,0,1,8,0,0,4,3,5,0,5,13,6,22,5,39,18,12,35,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,12,18,145,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.12444419944204298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304157860224096,0.0,0.12769601453421078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371914223645678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494068717616954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805743119203686,0.0,0.1554738578224968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278386354897092,0.1392222521280176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984990247519273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159636835662012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535199045581025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021747701165345,0.0,0.19343860958817208,0.09110256418995756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852406973325828,0.0,0.06662558280677512,0.0,0.07247434519528223,0.0,0.20398382581574398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575076497931415,0.11423569473905484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502860347892676,0.0,0.0,0.0900733724982678,0.0623013698859823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851226931851665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945568002479174,0.0,0.0,0.13562231726407667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641298709669222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27619028987944744,0.12173527668737982,0.0,0.1113482962101301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749152477610074,0.12202243264069512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141152767364596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303445772614755,0.0,0.0,0.10548846787270763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804995158140372,0.09817355146418184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331488513596032,0.0,0.2789792575810826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249827787229272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25416214426422923,0.08171168567447377,0.0,0.10123913701444656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597395450285729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044873392907647,0.10521995445847612,0.07521645816954865,0.10122194114441917,0.10229137924473697,0.0,0.0,0.11821523810344785,0.1150698083594691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463621837133551
suicidewatch,somenextfam,2019/03/20,"What do you do when you know it's coming I'm not sad all the time. I have ups and downs. But after a couple of years of what has seemed to be random downs I'm starting to feel it coming. I know when the next week is gonna suck. Does anyone else feel this? Does anyone have any coping mechanisms? ATM I have nothing, just have to accept it and let it wash over. Take what it wants and wait for the following week. And it's exhausting. ",0.4229347826086922,2.52133716304348,1.9784347826086977,97.26439130434784,84.97826086956522,4.984347826086957,14.634782608695652,6.2581,-0.773281739130435,337,5,78,3,10,109,58,92,0.064,0.879,0.057,-0.1546,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,1,19,26,7,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,6,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,11,23,1,16,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,2,9,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439375117052424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959981758622752,0.2168728729448531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646563792227602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342001292676281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37045392578773056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681655599054988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140454729131798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326479506558477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643887614423116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510508448784064,0.0,0.0,0.203095529492466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926892605077761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981555034287047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591435857233835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342189451916427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484381267549087,0.0,0.3395651988813705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630347693543685
suicidewatch,the-unknown-witch,2019/03/20,"let me ask you something... is suicide such a bad answer when the thought of actually doing it give you the most relief you’ve had in a while?

example: i planned out a day and everything a month ago to kill myself, the whole time leading up to the days anything that stressed me out i’d immediately think well it doesn’t matter bc i’m going to be dead soon anyways, and let me just tell you it was the first time in my life my anxiety went away, i felt genuinely calm, and honestly maybe a little happy... maybe suicide is the answer for me guys. if you were me and saw the world through my eyes you’d understand trust me. ",4.6869047619047635,5.0933947936507975,5.536626984126986,83.42017857142856,69.31746031746032,8.839682539682537,30.035714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.1667333333333336,488,18,103,8,8,160,85,126,0.181,0.7120000000000001,0.107,-0.9247,0,0,1,0,0,4,14.0,0,5,0,3,6,9,1,1,12,0,11,2,1,1,0,17,21,7,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,3,1,1,7,3,17,6,12,10,2,21,0,0,2,0,9,8,0,2,10,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.15754802424569167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311215344907638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235057615167352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285631633871905,0.0,0.1509302327844113,0.0,0.15168384795160658,0.0,0.13480068103667733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20823865042796355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450972704607325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501349494959224,0.0,0.0,0.1373259000401373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548737311396412,0.09175349228980907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985693986590618,0.0,0.17186228774200765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861609818443697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33017898246280797,0.11403409671060953,0.0,0.16181132296022932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243884488661615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886467091121184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428903183685955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493586761665268,0.0,0.0,0.35319147886759794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111093534645336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344808913165836,0.0,0.1281701042272628,0.1882809422777344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807099795306085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515935865079618,0.1496620757129478,0.0,0.18024871300763234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fluffington-post,2019/03/20,"Feeling suicidal from SSRI withdrawal. I ran out of my meds a few days ago and I never imagined I'd feel as horrible as I do now. I can't even begin to explain, but I'm just trying to hold on and remind myself that this feeling will pass and I will get my meds tomorrow.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I want to rip my hair out and tear apart my insides. I don't want to be in my skin and in my body anymore. And the silence is deafening. It's so damn quiet it's driving me insane. It's making me too aware of my thoughts. And all I can think about is how horrible of a person I am. How I'm so selfish and how everyone in my life deserves better than me. And I feel so worthless, like I'm not living for anything, and like I'm just floating by day by day living a meaningless existence. I'm a disappointment. I hate everything about myself.

I kind of feel like, I live my life distracted. I fill my life with so much shit so that I ignore how I've failed so many people. And right now it's impossible to distract myself, so I'm just alone with these thoughts and I just wish the world would end.

I don't know what to do with myself right now.",1.5594418423106935,3.099747270491804,3.6914285714285695,89.29166666666669,78.34426229508195,6.778766588602655,23.504293520686964,7.62386473244151,0.9866391881342702,890,29,198,13,21,305,123,244,0.253,0.6459999999999999,0.101,-0.9939,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,22,16,3,2,6,0,13,7,4,5,2,48,40,26,1,4,6,0,8,4,0,3,3,1,0,1,9,17,0,2,12,0,0,5,5,10,0,0,3,9,35,6,28,33,3,26,0,3,0,0,2,10,2,0,15,129,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229358093014263,0.0,0.0,0.13120157938168694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256318536826625,0.0,0.0,0.10424629321346336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203757118090582,0.0,0.1407121756621868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450930600342433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220028424276957,0.0,0.0,0.0836705014411159,0.0,0.0,0.12104752668276494,0.11385121172830916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843172473243053,0.18099947455273255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618472041385846,0.0,0.07199478146162569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506960995498725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191702623220156,0.06961964575004312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684320672805414,0.24755648347648304,0.0,0.33558050264429384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455943515982271,0.12843295554406292,0.0,0.0,0.2814243513243736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312388203293538,0.0,0.09770290733118968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782349566049721,0.11061150301078564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636690799489672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003450982068365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856662400851932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117099833249318,0.0,0.20113847251960051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600694830190049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943749967365474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456749754512308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998936004492489,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sw1492,2019/03/20,Likely Autistic My doctor thinks I have high functioning autism. It means I'll never get better and life will never get easier for me.,3.272266666666667,6.2848727600000025,4.18,79.93666666666667,81.4,6.533333333333335,16.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.8803333333333341,109,2,17,2,3,35,22,25,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.5773,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989524203456266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34597918103150954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35320441435977257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571381212476767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23875448020415016,0.1651401604111166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682043510127146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214058161668097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659043620454055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kingtordan,2019/03/20,"general super general post, but whatever. ive explained it once if you wanna go looking through my comment history, but i just generally feel disconnected from the world. i want to die. i can't, though, because ive been guilted into only living for others.

i just... really wish i could die. then itd all be over. ",2.802500000000002,5.249859583333336,5.4200000000000035,74.015,78.16666666666666,8.666666666666666,30.0,9.2995712137729,3.3595000000000006,245,12,42,7,6,87,48,60,0.166,0.7120000000000001,0.122,-0.7013,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,16,13,5,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,9,1,7,9,1,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687013389755518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095856739232975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5744357651251221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399307163452558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572807061850794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24437113063984675,0.0,0.23239631438014496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947246649086514,0.0,0.2104772372760412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265045455125083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729009701377074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190080822187856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323152179948475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182433858025676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RightwingBiologist,2019/03/20,"I'm 20 and I want to end my life It's simple. No friends, no love. Nothing... I've been rejected every. fucking. time. Loneliness got to me and now it's time to end my life. ",-3.2057309941520487,-2.6930379473684205,0.34087719298245744,100.13891812865498,125.84210526315788,3.7941520467836263,17.380116959064328,5.82211442006289,-0.1977286549707604,130,5,32,2,9,46,26,38,0.238,0.573,0.19,-0.2911,0,1,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,3,4,0,5,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251561305062645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24978271367060256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290464406850007,0.2740751015801113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371084009567344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188009169145835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267569271320975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446407312654337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457397109198159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486145336170347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,limemoon_,2019/03/20,"Anyone else disappointed it didn't work? 
I tried to kill myself twice, once with 11 and  once with 14, I'm 17 now.
I've started therapy in September and last week my therapist said that I had to be so glad my 
suicide attempts didn't work because I'm feeling better now.

Now it's not a daily thing, but when my mental health gets bad (and I mean really bad) I still think stuff like ""I should have tried harder, looks like I'm  also too stupid to kill myself etc.""
 I wouldn't do anything actively to kill myself but sometimes I just regret that I didn't try harder back then.

Anyone else experiencing thoughts like this? Most suicide survivors just talk about how happy they are that they survived. (Which is great ofc)

",5.49056349206349,6.194550992857145,5.648095238095237,82.27468253968256,67.64285714285714,8.222222222222221,27.698412698412696,8.167268648758528,1.699031746031746,569,17,110,7,9,180,92,140,0.244,0.585,0.172,-0.9505,0,0,0,0,0,5,17.0,0,0,2,5,13,15,4,0,1,0,11,1,0,1,0,19,22,10,5,3,5,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,6,4,16,7,8,13,2,11,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,1,13,67,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011183711535098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768271806245355,0.25911658789833136,0.10405382169482223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722873687666787,0.2111533183438596,0.07707996543280654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183071450710644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21125787679243666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102008780740238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393461275635316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606252255668565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940654188089324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460352008540055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440558782965198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196794283741196,0.0,0.0,0.10306990848750544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532456212840467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618232189448823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377361508255127,0.0,0.0,0.1274272613057683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693205296568101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100418545807021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027856733329352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505777146805672,0.0,0.08949873188802741,0.0,0.10097949019132528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474977480190354,0.2766215726809904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163205346507233,0.0,0.0,0.1446013782799886,0.14681289939857478,0.0840047305212406,0.08102113108218549,0.0,0.10038355374740757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575444570905647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142690336095253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410756976831197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RyvanMPP,2019/03/20,"Since I address my illness I evolved as a person but my illness too I’m gonna do a quick resume about how I evolved hand to hand with my mental illness 

1. 12 years old (when everything started) at this age I started to question every moral aspect on my life also the ppl around me, after this I developed I unjustified rage against my moral and the people around “faking” their emotions.

2. 16 years old (education changed my mind) after I study a few things about psychology, ethics and philosophy I understood that I was mad not because what I thought was right but because I learned we are not the same so maybe me being able to be as happy as other people made me go nuts.

3. 17 now I didn’t have someone to blame or be mad at so I looked to myself and I redirected that rage on my because if people is happy as they are I must be doing wrong (this is the beginning of my darkest thoughts).

4. 18-19 Around this time I was giving up on me (dropping school, isolating, not taking care, starving, self harm, everything that could fulfill my endless pain) 

5. 19 everything started to stack up (hello suicidal thoughts) 

6. 20 this year isn’t so different from my 18 years old the only big thing to point out is at the end of the year I made my first attempt to kill myself. ( pop into my head this thought “why are you giving up if you ain’t try it yet).

6. 20-21 2018 (I found out I have depression or anxiety) by far is the “best” year of my life, I changed my old habits, I did exercise, ate healthy, meditated, started to talk with people all the year without miss a day also I moved from my toxic environment and I created a productive schedule without missing my 8 hours of sleep, stoped caring about social media, got my “dream job”, reached out help.

But last months of the year after looking back I saw the same miserable persone than before the only thing that changed was my life style, so my illness started to consume me again but i used the excuse that maybe if I go to the psychiatrist may see a change.

.7 21 2019 I got diagnosed with Major depressive disorder, social anxiety and attention deficit disorder got medicate and now didn’t took a year to realize I wasn’t getting better, so I give up some good habits to replace them for bad ones, tried my second attempt but again I tricked myself “let’s see if medication change me this year if not I’ll will try my third attempt but I also created the perfect excuse for when that day comes, “let’s try to find love, what about success or being rich” but I know eventually I will run out of excuses and my depression only get harder to avoid.
 
It feels like the more I try to find myself the deepest I bury on a endless pain that get heavier...


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suicidewatch,Upexus,2019/03/20,"I’m worried about being hospitalized I have a doctors today after school, and I’m going to be talking about my self harm, suicidal thoughts, inability to do anything. I’m worried if he thinks that I’m lying about having no intent (which I sort of am), that he’ll hospitalize me. I can’t have that happen, my grades are already slipping, and I have a trip in a week with my schools band that I can’t miss. Can anyone offer advice? It would be much appreciated",4.941575091575089,5.7031765824175835,6.404120879120878,76.16171245421246,68.8901098901099,8.264468864468865,30.551282051282055,8.344100000000001,2.2759216117216114,363,14,68,5,6,124,62,91,0.241,0.7240000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,14,1,0,1,0,9,24,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,9,18,1,6,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,46,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703339380548908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450926970301424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552973726676236,0.0,0.1827692447298919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273285980910451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622445773962104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640215559919352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326893801991804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495537921839685,0.0,0.0,0.23169857198324315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294117741864396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785154389296551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231260989609065,0.0,0.1763224646906856,0.0,0.0,0.2105246794924636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781550953211695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451106338345055,0.0,0.1577733544487611,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swezlayer,2019/03/20,"Lonely and depressed Ok so I have not yet attempted suicide and I would like to avoid it. However i have recently been getting left out by my only good friends in school. They ignore me, they don’t talk to me, they stop talking to each other as soon as I am around and they no longer wait for me when going to lunch or class. And well I have experienced worsed bullying, they were supposed to be my friends and now I don’t know what to do. My depression is getting worse every day and I am starting to hurt myself.",2.111826923076922,4.251761913461543,3.3294615384615405,89.71553846153847,78.90384615384616,6.467692307692308,24.823076923076925,7.554174236665415,1.2097453846153845,405,15,84,6,10,131,70,104,0.229,0.617,0.154,-0.8594,1,3,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,5,1,7,12,0,1,0,1,13,1,0,0,0,17,19,11,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,4,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,2,1,19,6,14,15,1,13,0,4,0,0,9,4,0,1,9,65,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770390781467495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825659252861432,0.0,0.34257793981889795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755902740979173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072974768259165,0.0,0.20780580363771656,0.0,0.11302407357621945,0.1668051847578595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128975930949774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929536563420704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607602880608934,0.0,0.0,0.09715927194539044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125183074911352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636303386027085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201270030365598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076328896303913,0.0,0.0,0.16626668093534214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753471556122395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196930684494937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788106547552813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053370276022418,0.14127362906457008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Antivirus973,2019/03/20,"Can i overdose on my meds They are anti depressants (ironic but whatever)  i have 35 pills all up 21 being sertraline 50 mg and 14 fluotex 20 mg all up. Ive done the research but  i cant seem to find any thing along the line of how bad they are so if anyone knows much apreatiate it 

Please dont comment a support link or any of that bull ive tried it all also i understand the rules a bit but not to much so if i breaking any soz",0.5778605200945606,2.321159457446811,3.0450354609929104,91.83388888888894,82.08510638297872,6.73096926713948,22.14657210401891,7.793537801064563,0.910779196217494,335,11,78,6,9,116,67,94,0.12,0.847,0.032,-0.7985,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,1,3,18,14,11,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,10,1,8,12,6,4,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,4,0,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780081283042465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541141156484022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564271406481187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858564697732304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430147057721749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191719656542436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277906723219124,0.26087819793661604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344663984516245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233169463362055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24725145781610566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272640122545667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24434107580140174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026409749938877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525967309848521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788138572848852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112653364845888,0.0,0.0,0.2317279268219762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HonestScript,2019/03/20,"Life feels like a bad dream that I cant wake up from. I usually go months at a time without leaving my home, except when working for my dad's roofing business.

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I haven't had an actual friend in 8 years, I'm 25 and have never had a girlfriend. My social interactions: in the past 6 months, I've probably had conversations with about 5 people who aren't family members.

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For years now, my anxieties have caused me to live life thinking the world is always about to end or I'm always about to die soon.

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The worst part are the times when I feel like I almost lose my mind. I can't really describe the scary feeling of thinking you're going crazy. The last time it happened was the closest I came to killing myself. For a moment I was absolutely convinced of doing it, but it was weird because I suddenly felt peace in knowing i had the option at anytime. 


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Day after day after day of doing the same things, feeling the same ways, so alone and absent from a world that moves on without you. That mental grind slowly chips away at your soul. Time itself becomes so weird. 

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What is Time when you have absolutely no hope for the future? What is the Future when your past is so void of life itself? I feel like a person broken from Time as I am broken from society. With no past or future, I feel like a void. I feel like nothing, completely worthless.

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.

I don't know how everything got so messed up. Why am i still here? Why does God keep me around? I just want to die.



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suicidewatch,dedbynexwek2019,2019/03/20,"Should I leave or end? I just simply don't know what to do with my life. I feel like a child in adults body. I hate myself as I have wished I have never lived. Tired to live up to people's expectations by keeping a facade. I feel emotionally trapped and I wish I could just simply leave and have a change of environment where people don't know me and I don't know people.

I would need at least one valid reasons why I should live. Everything that I am seeing is just stacked up against me and I don't see any way forward with the way that I am now. Planning to end my life. 

​",1.8358643815201208,3.6532249262295116,2.953487332339794,93.6416616989568,78.42622950819671,5.747839046199702,20.926974664679587,6.574015621080383,0.10202295081967216,459,12,104,4,11,147,71,122,0.087,0.843,0.07,-0.2249,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,4,0,15,4,1,1,1,26,27,6,0,8,4,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,4,20,1,14,23,1,12,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,1,6,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950940397392612,0.16766992201183872,0.09383623516617816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327301095464704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597248375779193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017179456533886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521737046993733,0.24443194506696705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401427197264453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954125713710966,0.09857830111485323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623409350691773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264963455160124,0.0,0.0,0.2275029721235249,0.0,0.0,0.2922176878602292,0.0,0.0,0.19492931105759945,0.0674137249055083,0.0,0.36553648478471307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023159864947438,0.10642447048523997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935039045058038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869894850768934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187413688569755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991635230175066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859633816988208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905611729564092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451226064324765,0.0,0.3173576416266669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802236446887652,0.0,0.16766992201183872,0.0
suicidewatch,Deadroni,2019/03/20,"Help me Want to know most painless way to die
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suicidewatch,elb329,2019/03/20,Involuntary commitment? I’ve been battling with family court stuff and my attorney has previously been concerned about my depression/mental state. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in contact with him or his assistant but they’ve called me in for a last minute appointment today. Would he be in a position to have me involuntarily committed somewhere at a moment’s notice? Not sure how any of that works and I don’t want to be caught off guard if he tries,4.263720930232559,6.812294616279075,5.204825581395351,76.89351744186051,73.76744186046511,9.41627906976744,27.02906976744186,9.827888789773867,2.9612372093023263,371,14,67,11,8,121,67,86,0.05,0.872,0.078,0.3109,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,3,15,12,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,7,1,12,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526696624251526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232361126245581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984180945758353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580330300842255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603978077640034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26185599935062776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362377570177742,0.0,0.0,0.2983475548971748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30005532964195664,0.0,0.0,0.21491877897783385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671122274113186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045443032735086,0.0,0.0,0.22487024320364773,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allblundered,2019/03/20,"I’ve miserably failed at a goal I pursued, and it’s left me depressed and suicidal I’ve never felt so lost, drained, and incompetent like I do now. I’ve had serious thoughts of killing myself the past 6-8 months. It has been the worst year of my life. As an outside looking in, I may have it all put together, played a Division 1 sport, graduated with a finance degree, had a great job, but left it to pursue a new dream of being an airline pilot. I’ve failed miserably at it, I’ve not made it my own, and I’ve essentially put myself into a situation where I may not be able to get a job as a pilot. I believe my test anxiety has led to some poor outcomes. So, I gave up. I took a job at a tech company, making good money, in a city with friends and finally being close to my girl friend. Everything on paper should be great. But, I feel like I gave up on what I truly wanted to do. I’ve had thoughts of running in front of a bus, jumping off of buildings....but I’m too much of a coward to do it. It’s 2am where I am and I can’t get to sleep. All I can think of is the things I messed up in my pilot training, and how I dread heading to work on something I don’t want to do. ",3.1992205882352955,3.141270988235295,5.340919117647059,85.1572610294118,72.45098039215686,8.57107843137255,28.87867647058824,8.472884824447931,1.837632352941176,902,33,210,14,16,318,135,255,0.179,0.6890000000000001,0.132,-0.8532,3,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,5,7,19,1,3,18,0,23,3,2,4,3,33,40,14,2,3,4,0,2,2,2,3,1,0,0,1,10,11,0,0,5,3,3,7,5,11,0,0,12,3,24,8,36,21,6,34,0,6,1,0,5,20,0,3,9,136,34,11,0.1341745312338549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264314914205712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511687498365396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556432714385265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058741704927113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784267448541711,0.09585431192280493,0.12882859136078886,0.14698164056741433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732581999392166,0.0,0.14020130944027304,0.0,0.0,0.11253923093144058,0.0,0.2958557887260621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770177839913322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994425563393837,0.0,0.14844423919958782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915620415499265,0.0,0.09477143942277416,0.1311017970870085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267281351724015,0.0,0.1464673506776805,0.0,0.0,0.1269591856579165,0.08956254148090813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709683073116666,0.0,0.0986337187763147,0.0,0.10348367008502313,0.12958659836008185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808477222738093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697649262884408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081779479933785,0.1342714304756622,0.0,0.0,0.10329410931832532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676515976219573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913959657042565,0.08597362188453729,0.0,0.2130391807182099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907284112206995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827922972792194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768065674920076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640399902979687
suicidewatch,Churchasis-Kingling,2019/03/20,"I lost one thing that really kept me grounded Today, or really yesterday since currently it's 01:57 my dog got hit by a car. He died instantly and I can't get the image of his broken form out of my head. I feel horrible and I've always had depression problems although without an official diagnosis. I've always had suicidal thoughts for years now and today is just the worst day of my life. I hoped for support from one of the people I live for but she's busy with a breakup so I feel alone. My family is already talking about another dog because they're in so much pain and I'm just not ready for that. It feels like I've lost the light of my world I feel like I'm suffocating. I've never been so affected by a death sure I've had loved ones die but none very impactful and close to me especially as much as my pet. It's hard to describe what it feels like, difficult to convey with simple words. He helped me so much and made me so happy and now he's gone and I feel like I'm being crushed and all I can think about is white fur stained with blood. I understand suicidal thoughts isn't really part of the grieving process but this months been rough and this is the worst yet it feels like I can't go on. I'm not one to believe in afterlife's like Heaven but I'd give anything to know he's happy and maybe one day I can see him again. I'm trying to live for the people who care about me but with him gone it's like my anchor to the Earth is gone. I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I just need to get it out",1.6291968040370044,3.310013963414633,3.2832296047098417,91.66841463414637,78.57317073170732,7.08511354079058,21.981076534903284,7.990435384864732,0.8674311185870476,1212,35,278,21,29,402,160,328,0.182,0.6679999999999999,0.15,-0.8337,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,15,24,0,0,13,0,18,5,2,2,3,55,55,27,6,4,14,0,9,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,16,18,0,1,13,0,0,5,9,9,0,5,15,12,30,15,38,38,9,29,1,4,2,1,13,10,0,3,20,164,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213017551578974,0.09816365275320003,0.0,0.1480347662131419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327669187712516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320208594964074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422592041987835,0.0,0.0,0.10022141298384604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906951798530833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473676229138745,0.0,0.0766164975856988,0.0,0.18464173595279496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385851400117764,0.0,0.31484695702111953,0.3177460484354606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295025161935444,0.08533339242465163,0.05055496956316607,0.0,0.07114514851915074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938772811851445,0.07968588132805908,0.0,0.09129311988405267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596244173850608,0.0,0.0,0.08835202488807142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977742830921112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283129006315011,0.3042111929248711,0.0,0.15709714651301487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420898640480067,0.0,0.08028503195365604,0.08417102735633827,0.0,0.0,0.08936688811403917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100274172787327,0.0,0.19617567799500651,0.06595873540689838,0.068607299113671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013898173736046,0.0,0.09465400440471583,0.0,0.0,0.09632920215336002,0.0,0.12333988825047898,0.0,0.09293866152461708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519395189475068,0.0,0.0,0.08511757300534242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095985278387976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596677304999322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088532784594026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358419407860907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946038675860212,0.10094466670073886,0.08383869163538242,0.0,0.0,0.07149836682412702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059097507459432964,0.05699853887740845,0.0,0.14124008920882844,0.0,0.0,0.16863718735067296,0.0,0.0,0.060394358665300886,0.0,0.0,0.09260491316374306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339689073082165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574909468930775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057283869050876915
suicidewatch,Silent_Pomegranate,2019/03/20,"I need to go away I don't understand why it's selfish to commit suicide. I hate myself, I've always felt this way, I've always been in pain, mostly mental, but as I get older I feel it manifesting physically. I pretty much live with a soft headache at all times. My eyes hurt. My neck and shoulders hurt. My legs hurt. My back hurts. My feet hurt. All the time. Every single day. 

​

The medicine doesn't help anymore. I only take it because the withdrawal symptoms are debilitating, another victory for my psychiatrist and the company that manufactures these brain pills. Guess I'll have to keep making appointments.   


I keep telling the doctors that I don't want to kill myself so I don't get committed. If there's one thing I hate more than life itself it's having my freedom taken from me. 

​

They say that suicide affects all the people left behind, which is true. But every time someone speaks about someone who has committed suicide, they say the same thing:

​

""I don't understand""

​

Which is precisely correct. You don't understand. In that case, wouldn't it be beneficial to the world if less people like me existed, so that the world makes more sense? 

​

Because even if I killed myself right now, one day they'll all forget. I wish they all forgot about me now so that I could just disappear.  ",3.4149496296296284,6.240090252000003,3.9747111111111115,83.05765185185186,78.47999999999998,6.743703703703705,26.059259259259267,7.921354282810032,1.8636681481481483,1073,42,188,19,27,338,143,250,0.248,0.657,0.095,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,5,54.0,0,1,4,0,11,13,4,0,10,0,17,11,6,3,11,40,38,11,5,8,6,0,3,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,19,3,0,3,5,0,0,2,7,11,0,2,4,7,33,2,17,30,12,20,0,5,1,0,11,8,0,5,10,125,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380978522705995,0.3704957416654841,0.4154988947825899,0.0,0.0717115346670763,0.0,0.0,0.0678232325312058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642534526059603,0.052586703434409694,0.0,0.08337825653522903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634442777644995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460282718433029,0.0,0.0,0.08821013203904927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999875165099488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451701038303356,0.0,0.11524089047395256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457939111640338,0.0,0.06566389490729159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146056594819536,0.0,0.038866884957688384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533788405776842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503940266599654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045839516692396616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36605769004649696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215740712232947,0.1513239696162879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430454316493014,0.0,0.04830497463906827,0.033411273596749835,0.0,0.06038849170973647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913000017979283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891974343187741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027357728305153,0.05070936849860855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268393165298937,0.052012702421322415,0.0727704186506531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482425345614803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957591328837846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058403592253216265,0.0,0.10877090834983102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589107915311232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244184755468013,0.0,0.0,0.07108206448825567,0.05141980551607261,0.0,0.059774754655214014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086885200640853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963403583789245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135852046328391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033743828555392,0.05428378181345947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171018160370865,0.0,0.07864365162487458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154988947825899,0.0
suicidewatch,murdoch1138,2019/03/20,"I hung myself 17 years ago I was 20 years old. I wrapped a heavy insulated wire around a tree branch, stood on an old metal folding chair and wrapped the stiff wire around my neck a bunch of times, I said to myself ""well, this is it"" and stepped off the chair. I was instantly unconscious. I woke up in a hospital thinking it was the next day but two days had passed and I was tied to the bed with sores around my ankles where I was restrained. They told me my body was wrenching and writhing violently and the paramedics thought I was on pcp. One of my roommates found me hanging and had saved my life. Thanks, I guess. I was sent to a mental hospital with a very sore throat. Turns out I don't like being locked up. I told them what they needed to hear and they let me out in 72 hours. I've tried to appreciate this second chance for 17 years. I'm not lonely. I'm my happiest and most at peace when no other person can see or hear me. There is no hope, nothing helps. I could see the future back then as I can now and I want/ed no part of it. I've tried. I've tried so fucking hard. I've had my last birthday. ",0.9034195402298836,2.985130663793104,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,82.8793103448276,5.2459770114942526,19.580459770114945,6.42735559955562,-0.16692298850574705,862,23,203,8,24,272,135,232,0.104,0.768,0.128,0.8358,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,4,0,10,8,2,0,13,0,19,8,3,0,0,30,40,15,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,1,7,16,0,2,3,0,0,4,5,3,1,3,19,6,33,5,25,18,3,35,0,1,2,1,12,14,1,4,18,126,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674976587471292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517398249468327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127408229346087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629610551382846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051568334306933,0.0,0.0,0.16987944837390634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440925590990747,0.0,0.12176043302272405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450894346210181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798305349440187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29688534184676585,0.0,0.08828001533864091,0.0,0.0,0.13081416061388948,0.12970426152789816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735828448932573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467870467409476,0.0930281165633872,0.064345088221531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272906100056076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765861753975456,0.0,0.0,0.14007123736020696,0.0,0.0,0.12637583101714778,0.0,0.27640739671740194,0.0,0.08924765680752274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426251830477151,0.0,0.0,0.11500093747649735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528293504113866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990587762429386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125754636592798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439213508589331,0.0,0.10456015998665737,0.07679905374849104,0.0,0.0,0.25170219495836543,0.0,0.2682599751830534,0.1432587292380925,0.1286580029721452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867156315642176,0.0776838397853536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841985972934373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544437863003005
suicidewatch,_w1nt3rs_,2019/03/20,"All day, every day. Always had problems with sadness/depression, hell I don't even wanna call it depression cause everyone just thinks I'm being ""edgy"". Tried to act happy because even my closest friends would say ""your a white guy from a middle class family, what the hell do you have to be sad about"". Now I'm here at college alone, living on the 11th floor of a building, with only a screen stopping me. I wake up, I look at the window, I think about it. Come through the door, think about it. There's no help for me, I can't talk about this to my parents, that would be the last straw I can't take that. Friends? Showed their true colors first chance they found someone new. I lay here in my bed right now and I know there only two ways this ends, either I jump out that fucking window...or I internalize it, and I get a job, and I spend the rest of my life drinking and smoking and hopefully I die of kidney failure or get hit by a bus before I die 40 years from now, cause hell my mom told me that judging from her brothers and how I'm just fucking like them, that's how long I'll last.",1.4705965909090892,3.5264890223214316,2.4987662337662364,95.2825974025974,80.65178571428572,5.144155844155844,20.89610389610389,6.11248444174946,0.005480357142857439,847,24,187,6,22,268,137,224,0.182,0.7340000000000001,0.084,-0.9749,3,1,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,3,1,17,14,5,0,12,0,11,6,2,4,2,31,29,9,2,5,4,3,0,1,2,2,1,1,3,1,12,10,1,1,5,2,1,3,4,8,0,2,3,5,28,6,25,20,3,27,3,2,4,2,17,10,5,2,14,114,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051307091730965,0.0,0.0,0.10485420131264106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681730071276209,0.0,0.10722910155767597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867494592273707,0.0,0.0,0.25890331252685,0.0,0.1085503776633431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253792104403314,0.0,0.21707229638620265,0.0,0.2615664177755987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344628581642425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116114891553114,0.0,0.0,0.16646284503180972,0.0,0.10617269424677564,0.120412303790588,0.0,0.0,0.1187953037490974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718791277292716,0.0,0.13816845097972094,0.19471705914149415,0.2329968438015564,0.13167480375959414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477421754735055,0.0,0.1341448328542672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844648973152779,0.0,0.0,0.12516088268960818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504999758133625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925430170760287,0.2054373561343537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900780411986246,0.061564344416184184,0.0,0.11127315729603783,0.11151891225793042,0.10582048533037614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758671920640198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170563867811965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167948905690835,0.0,0.0,0.1399242461561404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057890674539773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761573808934843,0.0,0.10021182887146232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067717201962562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535380725982113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094747259706755,0.1012857228106532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422351082598978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120412303790588,0.0,0.08555560837001712,0.0,0.1230979057734072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000244851516798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790342431043315,0.0,0.0,0.08114923934529628
suicidewatch,Black_Mamba61,2019/03/20,"Courage How do i build the courage to finally just kill myself? Im too broken and unfixable to keep going, i have no strength, confidence, will, energy, nothing, im completely drained and fucked. Im also incredibly lonely but i cant interact or connect with anyone, i want to be around people but i cant fucking stand being around people, its just fucked.
Being human is just fucked, or maybe its just me whos just fucked, it looks like everyone else is perfect and happy with a blissfull full filling lifes.
Honestly, im done, im sick of being me, im sick of this fucking world, im sick of everyone and everything, nothing can help me, no one can save me. How do i build the courage to kill myself? ",1.6542391304347817,4.202975492753627,3.4215760869565237,85.89366847826088,83.92753623188406,6.63840579710145,25.29166666666667,7.8658589789855275,1.783114492753624,550,23,105,11,16,183,76,138,0.299,0.495,0.206,-0.9738,0,2,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,2,11,18,8,0,3,0,15,10,0,2,1,23,26,11,2,1,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,1,1,12,9,11,20,1,8,0,1,1,6,4,4,6,2,2,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386958942714429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458841792686719,0.0,0.0,0.164460736680237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684993632302977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452828699481032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716467563651942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653017431197549,0.08301769892705152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011886470662526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123767109625371,0.0,0.0,0.052496947559618895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833135809774944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191478186581545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6984407665439895,0.0,0.0,0.08210418262959064,0.2043911290062928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524484077528986,0.04512813105084442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756893661646436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279975597705084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726621320857416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625934327500537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807776765456225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448320298041275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thekevs45,2019/03/20,"When is it going to end? I've tried I'm 25, I keep pushing but I keep failing. Instead of getting better everything is getting worst. What is the easiest way to die.. ",-0.7263725490196079,1.2867577352941204,2.23764705882353,89.11274509803923,104.0,4.619607843137255,26.25490196078432,6.42735559955562,1.4765843137254908,129,7,25,2,6,45,26,34,0.231,0.596,0.173,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,9,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928998639400555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437102850933377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933252447581045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976412650965733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460534783073477,0.0,0.18821598390824476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887321162458384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484799688177576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262873533996958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,R0cketP0wa,2019/03/20,"Im potentially going to lose everything and i want to give up Recently alot has happened to me. My wife has been diagnosed with 5 seperate mental disorders and i had been taking care of her un treated illnesses for 4 years. I had done everything in my power to make her happy and keep her sane. It all eventually took its toll on me because of all the sacrifice it required. I had to give up a huge portion of my life and things that i enjoyed doing to make sure she was always comfortable. I wasnt strong enough to continue and her mind was getting worse. Eventually it led to horrible fights and her physically attacking me and me defending myself. I decided enough was enough and started pushing for a divorce. She didnt like the idea and would break down everytime i brought it up. I love her so much that I gave up trying to leave. I decided id just endure it until i died. It wasnt long after that she had a psychotic mental breakdown and packed a bag then left. She went to a hospital and told them that i kicked her out and she had no where to go. She then told them about all the physical  violence that occurred in our relationship. But she was sure to leave her antagonistic involvement out. This led to a police report being filed and an investigation to begin. We were then forcibly separated. I asked her why she did what she did and she swore she doesnt remember it happening. Shortly after this, i was questioned by police. I told them everything. Not a single lie was uttered by me. But they thought that i was lying about the whole relationship because of my wifes report. This led me to ask my wife again why she said what she did. She swore that she never said anything like what i was being accused of. The investigation followed me to work. Being in the military naturally this meant my leadership had to punish me. Im now facing losing my rank and even career. At this point everything that ive worked for and built my life up to be since i was 19 will be for absolutely nothing. I will have nothing except my sick wife. I started thinking about just letting go and giving up. Just stop fighting. No one cares about my side of the story. No one cares about me. I started thinking if im gonna lose everything, then whats the point of living anymore. Do i want to just live in my parents basement the rest of my life working shitty jobs just trying to get by until i die, or i could just end it now rather than be a waste of everyones time. I started having dreams about it. I imagine putting a gun to the side of my head and pulling the triger. I'd hear the shot echoing through my mind but at the same time id see my mother crying. Id feel embarrassed and selfish and think i couldnt do this to them. Soon it would fade and id want to do it again in my mind id climb to the top of my apartment building and jump head first to the ground. Id hear the loud smack as i hit the ground and instantly see my father crying. Wash rinse repeat. Everytime id imagine killing myself in a new way and follow through id see someone i care about sobbing uncontrollably. Its starting to get to the point that i dont care how much itll hurt them. I just want to give up. Im trying to hold it together but its hard. Im starting to feel like i just annoy everyone with my presence. People just tolerate me because of what im going through. No one actually cares or even likes me. If it werent for this rough time im going through im sure id be outcasted and talked about as that annoying guy that no one likes. Sometimes i think its funny. My wife thought that so many other women wanted me and that i was so attractive but tgat couldnt be farther from the truth. Ive literally never been hit on a day in my life. 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suicidewatch,gothicapples,2019/03/20,Do you want to go painlessly or not? I live close to a subway and I’m considering that but I don’t want to hurt too bad but I have tried other methods that didn’t work obviously I think this is my only option at this point ,-0.4291156462585022,1.6957285714285746,2.5256122448979603,91.50093537414969,89.81632653061226,5.715646258503401,16.329931972789115,7.1686216300943375,-0.002186394557823768,176,4,41,3,6,62,37,49,0.189,0.727,0.084,-0.8481,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,10,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,9,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109320215880933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163912990673625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986536667471486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32882922970909745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28322113018653816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520310980366779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23861395384478865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528299320451447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392932621543972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27110603473685296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cherrywanda,2019/03/20,"Tired Really want to kill myself. Lifetime of abuse, suffering from cptsd as a result, still no escape from the abuser no matter how hard I try blah blah blah you know how it is. I want to go out on my own terms instead of staying here to be used and abused forever. It's the kindest, most loving thing I can do for myself at this point, just trust me. 

Please respect my life experience and don't hit me with platitudes or try to talk me down. I know my life and I know what is and isn't possible. In the same way no one would tell a person in chronic unbearable physical pain to stay alive and suffer, don't tell me that about my chronic unbearable psychological pain. Please.

I'm just wondering if it's more peaceful to slice an artery (femoral or carotid) or to hang myself (to block the carotid, not for neck-breaking or strangulation). 

Sorry if this isn't the sub for this question. Please feel free to redirect me.

Thanks.",4.013516483516483,5.571882879120878,4.586593406593405,85.33340659340661,71.85714285714286,8.057142857142857,26.736263736263727,8.634040054169528,1.8032153846153856,732,25,148,13,14,233,111,182,0.221,0.615,0.163,-0.9151,0,0,0,0,4,2,23.0,0,1,0,0,8,10,1,0,8,0,10,8,0,4,0,33,23,14,1,5,9,0,2,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,6,0,1,2,8,5,0,1,0,2,18,6,25,20,5,14,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,9,2,97,27,0,0.0,0.4544049510440429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505107766683327,0.0,0.0,0.06463924226450668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265385282203425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145186387021596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414349185549143,0.0,0.2107709222733814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059294033054368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537969354496715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662701856110193,0.0,0.27205943013946204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116240885383216,0.0,0.4209865158017508,0.12084918132486536,0.14411927042929873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320894338311022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189694036651411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310530021606427,0.0,0.2725187404791564,0.10209239485187682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102752150088143,0.22347385091040325,0.11769698046379988,0.0,0.0,0.08493055472503024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693213083430556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358858619299394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041185501850803,0.0,0.0,0.15080551516320054,0.10147265207366052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386359481135888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081316155863207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,and122222,2019/03/20,Tired I can’t stay another day. Every second I’m alive is a hundred years of pain. What do I do?,-1.9206060606060584,-0.05775245454545441,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,96.27272727272728,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.265684848484848,74,2,18,1,3,27,19,22,0.272,0.614,0.114,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201292841084892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583939933563829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375752104568677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263328631008979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270526289699706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605022953109466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25801334085703537
suicidewatch,Raven_McCoy_,2019/03/20,"Roughest week of my life Can someone please help or just offer words of comfort? I’m so helpless, I’m so hopeless.  
I’m 17. I’ve had depression/anxiety for over 2 years now.  

It was slightly improving for a short time, but the past month my mental health has gone downhill so fucking fast. And then on top of that, my girlfriend of 1.5 years left me out of the blue. I had no idea anything was wrong. We were best friends, she’s the only person I’ve ever felt I could actually connect with in life. She knew me so well, better than anyone ever could. and she was my first girlfriend. I truly thought we would last. I feel so angry and betrayed, and just sad. I miss her. Just the thought of her makes me want to sob.  
  
... and then on top of that, the very next day my One other friend told me that I’ve changed and she doesn’t enjoy being around me anymore and no longer wants to be friends. Her reasoning made no sense to me, what she was saying seemed like just a miscommunication issue we could easily talk through. I told her that, and that I didn’t understand, but she said “I don’t need you to understand.”  
I guess if she does that to a supposed friend she was never such a good friend in the first place. But it still really fucking hurts, I really valued her.  
  
And then on top of all of that, my parents found my bong and other weed shit, the one thing that would give brief relief. They’re very angry, but I’m just so numb at this point I barely feel anything but guilt.  
  
I have no other friends really. Nobody I’m close with, nobody to talk to about anything, nobody to spend time with. And it’s spring break, I should have 2 weeks of fun! But it’s not, it’s 2 weeks of fucking hell. I sit in front of my Tv wasting time, crying, playing Apex, etc. and then I go to sleep. I’ve barely been eating the past week, I can literally see my hip bones (pelvis?) now. I’ve never been able to before. My arms are so skinny.  
  
I’m not sure if I’m suicidal but the past few days I’ve been thinking about dying a lot and what a relief it would finally be after 2 years of no joy. I sat in my doctors office and stared through the window wondering what would happen if I just smashed through it and jumped. Or took some rope into the forest to hang myself on a branch. Or sliced my wrists in the bathtub in the middle of the night.  
  
I’m just so helpless! I have no one, I have nothing to do. I hate being so alone! When will it end, when will I stop suffering, when will things change, when will I be happy for once?",1.496206225680936,3.5249290564202376,2.721534630350196,93.86033307392998,80.42023346303502,5.4349571984435805,20.007626459143967,6.4601748715692375,0.02895218677042744,1941,50,427,17,50,623,239,514,0.18,0.653,0.16699999999999998,-0.8949,1,1,0,0,0,2,72.0,3,1,0,7,30,37,6,1,21,0,40,17,8,3,6,85,81,45,2,14,22,1,3,1,8,9,5,2,1,1,25,25,2,1,14,2,1,7,13,17,1,5,24,8,59,20,54,40,6,75,1,8,3,3,36,24,6,11,43,279,84,1,0.07448281557030004,0.0,0.07268448372129721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771417340889554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056979150042848224,0.0,0.07386693891615782,0.05208011645847553,0.0,0.18387903260152516,0.0663054971314798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337939013174165,0.0,0.07816511971648367,0.06587399759012508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575858856089537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840540253306356,0.0,0.08181587546039762,0.09607050846650096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730140324194047,0.0,0.0,0.07623631784333376,0.06518041383640627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621451498370882,0.0,0.0,0.0659696669243682,0.0,0.08306802800400362,0.0,0.13474794181000566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532149902109325,0.0,0.07151518341273731,0.08159228376600099,0.0,0.1267100897490665,0.0,0.08166656282046679,0.34527143128200743,0.2065744883839261,0.0,0.07145070364272528,0.042330300545759904,0.06247265188711827,0.0,0.0,0.08205121861756275,0.0,0.06586490782554043,0.07928834217691215,0.0,0.07353636015073511,0.0,0.0791717499777506,0.0,0.0,0.04992426124640302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079735394558239,0.08408203269939797,0.0,0.07774070821239006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071343577876264,0.0,0.0,0.08092579705090808,0.0,0.10521883071170014,0.036388541415312566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332262626717867,0.0,0.07047744101175643,0.04971785776171681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506115954967812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945147278070315,0.0,0.0,0.05522806397704827,0.1148914781754905,0.0,0.07921331934813365,0.06989707680842559,0.0,0.07146827035234744,0.0,0.0,0.07932176772623828,0.15141445038255968,0.05664753756542619,0.0,0.0,0.08270435224387124,0.0,0.21330682610431387,0.0,0.06503552161986181,0.07781868941177371,0.08175976472645677,0.07041033568751287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314679668748448,0.07658073950168416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085021400049789,0.05923172446281754,0.0,0.0,0.05935316068688894,0.06780635791628539,0.0,0.0,0.07645553983609264,0.0,0.0,0.07453660616893353,0.0,0.06310904792684292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059482072727816776,0.06227096893647833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147211118375808,0.0,0.07019917220709271,0.0,0.0,0.11973293159299628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896614611299227,0.0477255807331709,0.0,0.1182620715031684,0.13029458620193446,0.0,0.0,0.14234304433672018,0.08275314867680475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507847557251095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291224663395507,0.08786378881314356,0.0,0.23898248766527044,0.0,0.06696899622424979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077343626179738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164182065905268,0.08143526631784932,0.0,0.14389347363672206
suicidewatch,redGrassMoose,2019/03/20,"I am beyond anyone's help. No one can help me but me. I don't want to help myself alone, but I feel alone.

​

Nothing helps anyway... not even this post.",0.2504545454545486,2.5286673030303035,1.5729545454545466,98.47943181818184,88.0909090909091,3.3000000000000003,14.31060606060606,3.1291,-1.3849939393939392,123,2,27,0,4,39,26,33,0.282,0.527,0.191,-0.3525,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469900972882817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245794287236016,0.2756502793563778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862034786168916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983375281784653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470329934568868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082170489734805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767082478398955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537209362816846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726172046754771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380331778922816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756502793563778,0.0
suicidewatch,jaffa_calling_,2019/03/20,Where should this go? I'm not necessarily suicidal but I'm on a fucking tear and it would be pretty cool if I could talk to someone.  My dad died a couple of days ago and I'm on the verge of trying to fight the dude at the front desk of the hotel for no reason.  Because I'm very fucking angry.,1.8229687500000007,2.9265316093750013,4.152000000000001,88.09300000000002,76.65625,6.370000000000001,22.175,6.742157984588678,0.4289099999999997,229,6,52,2,5,80,47,64,0.21600000000000005,0.6579999999999999,0.126,-0.8343,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,6,1,4,2,0,1,0,9,11,4,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,9,7,0,9,0,0,0,2,3,5,2,1,2,30,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323677258289195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979565755704225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929424617332906,0.29004847089478386,0.0,0.16905601817684593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27205575655138725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846809705433924,0.0,0.0,0.1489779157563353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666865265850369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269519441415413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210696130881796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867342107175394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069496750723155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797312025191178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628963282059008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862138758888403,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,just-sort-of-present,2019/03/20,"What’s it going to take? Ive attempted three times. First time in March of 2017 (OD). Second time in November of 2018 and third time in December of 2018. It took a while for me to decide to attempt the first time. But the most recent two came out of nowhere. They were ruled by an overwhelming feeling of hate, and dread. That was what sparked the fire. And now, as I always have, I feel the same dread and weight of apathy and emptiness. The anger is going to come back. Somethings going to happen. And I’m going to have had a fourth attempt. I’m on treatment right now but it hasn’t gone well. What’s it going to take to spark that fire again? I know if I attempt right here right now, I’d succeed. Why don’t I? I don’t know. Nothing feels like it makes any sense. No one, and no thing. What’s it going to take for me to get better?",-0.2149775112443777,2.050440850574713,1.2627336331834087,99.48389055472263,91.64367816091958,4.175512243878061,16.185907046476764,5.7926816847441245,-0.7173370314842579,644,15,148,5,23,205,97,174,0.145,0.7759999999999999,0.079,-0.8349,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,8,7,9,2,3,8,0,10,1,0,1,0,22,34,12,1,1,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,10,1,0,6,0,0,10,5,5,1,7,6,6,10,4,25,28,2,33,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,2,16,94,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125372831137719,0.0,0.0,0.09197336989446203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399746771529872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196159848943022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546878363265036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650429291605092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051565629548318,0.09662129491819127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008398967504104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066156855966307,0.0,0.4611877926848565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195994794265452,0.0,0.0,0.13352953315058708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865767628856058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607540728501662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027918056538417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977423353110434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164763676269523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354121720191084,0.0,0.0,0.3465035058179917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412062221880433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050692978361667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985285144038055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943213767976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026565479858606,0.0,0.0,0.13211777591466176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646957927970025,0.12160431632810573,0.0,0.12204040565200247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,precaldo,2019/03/20,"Really want to die right now. Feel like absolute shit. For about the last year and 5 months, my life has been going down rapidly. I don't really have any friends anymore. Used to have a few people I would hang out with, but never had any real close friends. But slowly over time we just stopped talking and the connections were lost. They still say hello to me when I'm at school, but I really can't start a conversation with them anymore. Lived my whole life with social anxiety and it's hell. It's prevented me from doing so many things that everyone else gets to do all the time. It's terrible being so lonely.

My family doesn't really care about me either. For my close family, I try to ask them for help but they never seem interested or are too busy to talk to me. My extended family barely know that I exist.
Tried seeking for other help, but that didn't work either.

Had a terrible day today as well. Was accused of doing something that wasn't my fault (not the first time it has happened either). I feel like the whole world is against me. I know it sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel. Constantly being abused by others. I've really had enough and I'm exhausted.

Think about dying every day. However, when I've set dates to kill myself, I always back out like a coward when the day comes. I'm too scared to die but I'm too scared to live. I'm stuck.",1.8063471011746868,4.187946380952384,3.296031324996844,88.19868131868131,81.52747252747254,6.842440318302388,18.9376026272578,7.990435384864732,0.8234550713654158,1074,26,217,21,29,352,152,273,0.24,0.665,0.095,-0.9943,1,2,1,0,1,2,33.0,1,0,4,3,17,20,4,2,10,0,23,4,1,2,3,43,46,19,4,2,13,0,3,3,2,1,3,2,0,0,13,13,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,12,1,1,10,5,26,8,30,33,8,36,1,2,0,0,16,9,2,2,26,140,39,2,0.0,0.11547031491739675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810918247921175,0.0,0.0,0.13254786663868928,0.0,0.07455414855717148,0.0,0.1933018212197768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110890745977666,0.0,0.0,0.07493822666988535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936365385340004,0.0,0.0,0.08395036246900278,0.0,0.1053161268061594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885546280030948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30343416653163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141261094933235,0.0,0.0,0.10069887668579887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211151686612117,0.09312410298836923,0.0,0.0,0.2756206571739956,0.0,0.14783118623245248,0.13924624625551565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289666349656398,0.0,0.0,0.15058968974316925,0.0,0.050917130560042566,0.0,0.05538691807415642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618068397013746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064641317999254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782145670945424,0.0,0.10711936441017596,0.07944026028928626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767317220409428,0.1428373389432393,0.0,0.1721121950776462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063855572677948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880585012307308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778904968399945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032931037769431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756424091274897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092711981600784,0.3121664543871596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322753374464706,0.0,0.07750152084714397,0.1951424205130674,0.09863143602875643,0.0,0.08872096683453415,0.0,0.0,0.10003795547445593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934488568317618,0.0,0.07502696902392406,0.0,0.0,0.06898039069868606,0.0,0.07782908806648207,0.08147820852711947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156664091381797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474593560881715,0.06244635157390711,0.0,0.0,0.17048344751701794,0.0,0.0923776056118245,0.0,0.0,0.13233347480732816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417134302987836,0.0,0.0,0.057482517368590086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876253241663448,0.0,0.0,0.2176139665353034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094967618699112,0.0,0.0,0.06923048047601467,0.0,0.0,0.06275895306647129
suicidewatch,throwAwAy97667,2019/03/20,"I don’t know anymore I don’t know if life is worth living. Everything has seem to gone to shit. 

I have a boyfriend who I have a shit relationship with. He ignores me and acts like he doesn’t care about me. I want to leave the relationship so bad but every time I bring it up I get brushed off and ignored. He says things will get better but they don’t. We also live together so I don’t know if leaving now is even a possibility. I feel unworthy, ugly, and unloved everyday. And most of all I just feel lonely even tho I’m not “alone”. 

I have a job I hate and no friends. I’m going to fail out of classes this term at university. Each day gets worse and worse. They always say it’ll get better but they don’t. I tried, I really did but I think this is the end. ",-0.8127053140096621,1.3402141975308697,1.6520182501341942,95.76364734299518,95.29629629629628,5.039613526570048,17.537305421363392,6.7026698264267655,-0.06702179280730025,588,17,139,9,23,199,97,162,0.268,0.618,0.114,-0.9829,1,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,3,3,9,14,3,0,6,0,16,3,2,0,1,30,35,16,0,3,8,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,6,10,0,2,7,0,1,4,8,9,0,0,2,5,21,5,12,31,4,14,0,2,0,0,13,4,2,4,7,85,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435352224493008,0.0,0.11082865802055797,0.11531619786717945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744191304739695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571507057362912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24513939203959484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129955513935358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937770174867596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274770497090977,0.0,0.0,0.1830719430877738,0.0,0.1167662455541176,0.0,0.1245538283804094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014836774009332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707263342326752,0.0,0.2896257381082697,0.0,0.07876267207287617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682681543269665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375270621859307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22849278308997464,0.0,0.0,0.2934890570618482,0.0,0.0,0.09788870091151793,0.06770702588341583,0.0,0.2447512310125951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623698393545415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878292901630375,0.0,0.0,0.2975829836277439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204212505003421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616517870557406,0.0,0.0,0.2845168843417567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207161314845358,0.08880150191021602,0.0,0.0,0.08081169307078469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409205677917254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174270789654559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824657294138345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThaGarden,2019/03/20,"Why can’t I stop making suicide jokes that clearly make other people uncomfortable but usually give me a genuine chuckle? It’s not gonna stop me but after saying shit like “oh yeah keep laughing it’s funny as fuck when you ring shit in 2 minutes to close, yeah they’re gonna think it’s really funny when they gotta finally splurge on some hood vent cleaning guys to scrape my brains and skull bits into little plastic baggies” to which the waitresses usually get quiet and leave my kitchen. At least it’s getting them to shut the fuck up amirite? For the minute... ",3.0522727272727286,5.561669863636364,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,77.63636363636363,6.181818181818183,26.363636363636363,7.348242739294969,1.477727272727273,455,18,84,6,11,143,85,110,0.217,0.581,0.202,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,2,0,2,8,4,0,4,2,1,8,4,2,1,15,13,7,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,2,1,7,4,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,8,4,12,10,3,16,0,0,0,2,6,8,4,1,9,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967396466795675,0.0,0.0,0.20117089213032768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740823687234474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33319740260103764,0.1883017035117668,0.1728712174529948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784335123172871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017648622320618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081346073652072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804016104947446,0.18061500934973454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405794810195095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493301881326015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544538055029245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330804033684458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36996031049827055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30132266480828834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711748563355105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154695310804606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969456587211516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626090161169831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,worthless_pc_of_shit,2019/03/20,"I’m done ruining my own life. I wanna be gone. I don’t deserve this life. I’ve never been one to feel depressed, if you knew anyone who knows me, they would tell you I’m the farthest thing from unhappy. 

But today’s the day I feel defeated, by myself. 

I have everything in life.. people who love me and would do anything for me. I’ve never had to struggle with anything. My parents are well off and have always given me everything, I have a girl who loves me, many close friends who I see on a daily basis, I’m good looking, smart, never struggled to learn anything. 

Yet the one thing that has always eluded me, is single handedly ruining my life. 

I am the most irresponsible person I know. 

I go to an elite university, am in my 4th year and am dragging myself to my own demise. 

I’ve been “fired” from the last 4 part time jobs/internships I’ve held. 

I’ve failed half my classes in the last 18 months. I had a terrible addiction to weed, which I haven’t touched in 2 weeks because I finally realized how detrimental it has been to my sense of responsibility. 

I just failed a final exam, and I may very fail the other at least 1 of the remaining ones this week. 

I have had zero motivation to go to class or study, or even go to work (I make up excuses about being sick or having to study). Probably why I’ve been fired so often. 

My landlord is going to take a very large chunk out of our security deposit because he found out that i had a dog living at our house. I’m going to have to pay all my roommates for that. 

I just am sick of myself. I won’t help myself. I keep trying and it works for a couple of weeks at the beginning of every quarter, but then I just revert to skipping all my classes. 

I can’t take it anymore. I’m doing this all to myself and I have clearly refused to change myself, and therefore I believe I don’t deserve any of the privileged life that I have. I’ve never been suicidal or depressed but I just don’t believe that I am doing anyone any good, especially myself.

I’m debating just running away and being homeless, but my problems will still be there. So my other thought is suicide. If I end it I will save everyone and myself so much pain. They will move on with their lives. I just can’t stand myself anymore. 

I’m just a worthless piece of shit. ",2.8058954203691044,4.4323085346320354,4.552877648667124,84.07525632262477,75.12554112554112,7.20082023239918,26.01070858965595,7.94452939551167,1.5585359307359308,1781,64,357,27,38,603,218,462,0.131,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.9622,2,0,0,0,0,2,53.0,2,2,3,8,18,25,1,2,19,0,49,13,2,4,8,63,80,24,2,6,17,1,6,0,1,7,9,0,1,2,21,14,0,4,10,0,2,8,11,15,1,6,16,8,65,10,49,53,11,46,0,9,2,2,22,16,1,9,21,261,86,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207737406288703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056032595099238,0.0,0.0,0.11487576822080495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752963117567793,0.11811729076492487,0.0,0.20851809324086912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935597298379797,0.0,0.0,0.10297598657651033,0.0,0.0,0.19032224438407386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893508844482038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093456943392647,0.0,0.054471787671209984,0.0,0.14549609053813192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864351962693898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480934048970189,0.0,0.0,0.05578715841493866,0.0,0.07116390341825371,0.08070822369267568,0.1518201869242962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541428097437187,0.0,0.0,0.1850506519786132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260955814229224,0.06525607214235549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001196414934714,0.14168747863093165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056613914127546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745921248039102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507478835955321,0.0,0.0,0.0928375506147264,0.13769759046018107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982943411577359,0.0,0.0,0.1491651365737075,0.0,0.07092782990154096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524627024998119,0.0,0.05637985339503004,0.085632445285126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741773419842775,0.08977103302883452,0.06209018315542846,0.0,0.2605729606017027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170338584119604,0.0,0.08987481827436017,0.0,0.09378640722993553,0.09146543342244486,0.0,0.05855615994382277,0.07375002342157433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106563385011086,0.08081989192026834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730624867419682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670027875810743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745243441701783,0.0,0.0,0.176598587241375,0.0,0.18477810151590301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701165561917493,0.0,0.07382457476055222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222721694211936,0.0,0.0,0.06705435987907049,0.04925118122505299,0.0,0.08006125394672607,0.0,0.0,0.0573449802148045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393819999020985,0.0,0.0,0.2032538944526256,0.0,0.07594257594990038,0.0,0.07621491617268994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298045624853453,0.0,0.0,0.12000049236033893,0.0,0.0,0.05439154268620997
suicidewatch,ANON_3141592653,2019/03/20,I’ve been seriously thinking about suicide as an option... Can’t bear keeping this in my head any longer. Now at least someone knows. Even though it’s some random stranger on the internet.,3.265285714285717,6.1851497428571465,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,80.14285714285714,5.7857142857142865,28.75,7.1686216300943375,1.7651428571428582,151,7,27,2,4,46,35,35,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701975454193993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624322518682345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077744858986757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531645333355582,0.0,0.0,0.21836178932560388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336655822043581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346137592820157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25459256861010154,0.3903740147225394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,passthemarinaras,2019/03/20,"I'm falling appart. I'm a sober junkie living on my own 3,000 miles from feiends or family. I'm terrified of my own mental health and living by myself. I have little to no self worth and keep having sex woth random dudes who make me feel like shit, but I can't seem to stop. Today I purged for the first time in a few years and I feel like my eating disorder is coming back full force. I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself. I don't know how to let anyone in my personal life know I'm spiraling. I'm afraid of being taken back to a hospital or rehab. My eating disorder has been looking so attractive and I feel like I can't fight it. I'm terrified that I don't have family or friends around to rescue me if I take things too far. I'm so terrified of myself and I just feel miserable.",2.369226244343892,3.484563841176473,4.433529411764706,86.56780542986425,75.29411764705883,8.054298642533936,21.312217194570135,8.617729084823388,1.1102262443438908,623,14,137,12,13,215,97,170,0.183,0.627,0.189,-0.1984,0,0,0,0,1,2,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,3,2,4,0,13,7,1,2,0,28,35,14,2,3,7,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,0,2,4,7,2,2,7,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,2,5,22,5,17,31,4,17,0,1,1,1,5,8,1,6,10,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763839803879457,0.0,0.0,0.12430775814883956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474658089201226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028609500115248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492258642915634,0.0,0.32007534921420505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857698352593453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263277263516701,0.0,0.2824214307648055,0.29927304742423083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877632981403742,0.0,0.0,0.10788426156783516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842906205708994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411700304093032,0.15448917197593753,0.0,0.15348319727223395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278969847349762,0.0986307133394824,0.20466076877490808,0.1399543353289695,0.24660648553614944,0.0,0.1172610655579148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320969913047644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072263796123366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192684230350452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712153147871502,0.14567327835441585,0.0,0.14333678452388468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674393347658912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499067923587917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927695310959054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142425897496984,0.0,0.13236085131503436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647246620919982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992253480160714
suicidewatch,Kidd_Boom,2019/03/20,"What's the actual difference? If people will ""miss me"" if I die from old age or an accident or some shit why should I care that anyone will ""miss me"" if off myself? Not that anyone would genuinely anyway. ",3.958916666666667,5.352557725000004,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,71.75,9.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,9.725611199111238,1.7278333333333338,159,3,31,4,3,53,31,40,0.293,0.6409999999999999,0.066,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,7,5,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.3075119632715084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406788915489536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212861549573209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270451278944217,0.3292336511873513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306657535673616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846474373309727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234664670403504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843470635075802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385242506081132,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AncientBlackberry,2019/03/20,tired I think I am wasting so much weed trying to suppress these thoughts instead of just letting them consume me and finally fucking killing myself. I have known for awhile I will do it eventually but whats the point in always saying that suicide is inevitable but never actually attempting when everything only gets worse?? at what point do I say I've had enough?,5.03199004975124,7.614002970149253,5.144104477611943,78.07098258706469,71.5373134328358,7.451741293532338,33.5547263681592,8.344100000000001,2.9971412935323385,297,15,48,5,6,93,58,67,0.242,0.758,0.0,-0.9558,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,9,12,5,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,8,0,5,8,2,7,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,3,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.21298480956678675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816051437232093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255151369471693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615298043691434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390870255975838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017726747041396,0.11402891520858678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414661550947067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317990987030625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044209572583684,0.0,0.16833124724309975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599230513987295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126419056766141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34712931589081736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23873488806789725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984860596788315,0.0,0.1732696133239213,0.0,0.2508513247996593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818041013002706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22241987828181964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stupidfuckingidiotlp,2019/03/20,"will i ever gather the courage to do everyone a favor and get it over with? side note: i don’t really care so i’m not gonna use proper punctuation, sorry if it’s annoying

yeah, anyways 
i hate my life. i have 4 family members that love me, and maybe around 3 good friends. i also have a nephew he’s almost a year old. i love him a lot i hope he never feels the pain i feel every single day. 

i’m tired really really tired. 

i am living for people and not for myself. how the fuck do i love for myself when i’m so useless? my dad doesn’t care about me (abused my mom up until i was about 13, got some pretty nice trauma from that.) and i have so much other shit that fucking makes my life hell. 

and no i’m not sitting here throwing a pity party. there’s millions of people stronger than me. who have gone through so much more pain than i will ever know. 

i’m not strong at all. i’m the weakest person i know. i wish i could give my life to those who deserve it. if i wasn’t such a pussy id kill myself, i’m so scared of my mom or someone i love finding me. even though i’d be dead and nothing matters i just can’t do it. maybe i don’t want to die i just want to stop hurting but what’s it matter. i shouldn’t of been born, it’s like god, if there is one made me to hurt and have a shitty fucking life. 

i don’t even know why i’m posting this i just need to talk about it i need someone to understand. i’m really getting tired. every time i get this feeling i feel like it will be my breaking point where i just finally stop caring about how anyone feels and just get it over with. i pray a fucking piano falls from the sky and crushes me lol. 

if you got this far then thanks for reading. i hope i finally find peace some day, as well as everyone on this sub. hold on for one more day am i right?",0.26658010361335016,2.07564028388747,2.443785166240413,95.39861630270839,83.50127877237853,5.237877893632369,18.721293199554072,6.297961479604792,-0.2117818742212605,1385,34,327,12,39,468,191,391,0.154,0.653,0.193,0.9113,0,0,0,0,1,4,38.0,0,1,0,1,31,36,9,1,13,2,26,18,1,5,4,65,76,29,3,13,15,4,5,2,1,5,9,0,0,1,21,12,0,3,11,1,0,3,13,17,1,3,7,5,50,19,36,61,9,36,2,4,0,8,19,13,6,11,19,206,71,1,0.0,0.08966650529902928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578096586697372,0.0,0.0,0.06051997315718448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291608291737228,0.0,0.0,0.06736980296279617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147745637873424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060423028437182766,0.0,0.0,0.14641888318301258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854221038159882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999697125219228,0.13691085478752074,0.1275245982909869,0.14462787046259162,0.0,0.0,0.0713428414760205,0.0,0.19132631408566625,0.05406464980489555,0.0,0.16580393235571728,0.13833733661087974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846892867225013,0.27985377143957746,0.15815532019426662,0.07259759800033512,0.0,0.06347543462124683,0.12105382770122608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747167325226821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033141430544736,0.0,0.0,0.16203054204985448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837269148031981,0.0,0.12477257548900908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381551152438646,0.07394526762666452,0.0,0.06682539604658266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433905240537331,0.2732107705837233,0.0716087129980946,0.05051590631312766,0.0,0.15205820918399826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726720804631618,0.0,0.0,0.1112646339559674,0.11222911972962098,0.05836783209270576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261544668282979,0.0,0.07941172935333186,0.0,0.1025632577418192,0.0,0.1610542641197137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049317198132134,0.06607944237903306,0.0,0.0,0.07154053052955693,0.0,0.07247896861918587,0.07699211934529826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569885966070466,0.0,0.19392603237643594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462892303427155,0.0,0.0,0.0757672605964468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768276955918241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282440916043602,0.0,0.0,0.0847157505480119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654102869432232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082741521101154,0.0,0.06967448460798681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435362412588603,0.0,0.044128671976911636,0.2609434952678906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878386253837967,0.0,0.06536182205109684,0.0,0.0,0.08927413858565107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804395224271594,0.0,0.06828796694568688,0.0,0.08702640217679734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873439551734052
suicidewatch,GenuineIsolation,2019/03/20,"Every day is exactly the same. I can no longer do this anymore. I haven't enjoyed anything in years.  

I really wish my problems were temporary. I am going to consume 100 prescription pain meds. ",2.1875,5.079218305555556,3.9346666666666685,79.67700000000005,88.16666666666666,7.3244444444444445,29.422222222222214,8.238735603445708,3.090228888888889,153,8,25,4,5,51,33,36,0.278,0.647,0.075,-0.8005,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,2,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393903647232037,0.0,0.0,0.2816179689915848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207036421571356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883351794754553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449155944278235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801293638444147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641462962642175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274584012776363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192349480005168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935362059873826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203785131093936
suicidewatch,squanchthat89,2019/03/20,"I’m just so tired I’m a 29m, and I’m just so tired of it all. I’m recently divorced from my ex-husband that fucked me up so bad mentally. I’m in so much debt from that relationship that I’m called every couple hours by collection agencies that are either suing me or are about to. I have a new guy in my life that I’m trying to fight through my pain for, but I don’t know how much longer I can go in for. I’ve been to a crisis center before and I’ll never go back to another. My work life is a joke, I get physically attacked by aggressive children 5 days a week, and no other jobs will take me, and I’m not making enough to even pretend I’ll ever leave my parents home while everyone else around me are well into their careers. I just feel lost, and hurt so much. It’s gotten to the point that I had to dump all my medications to keep from taking them all and just crafting to be, and even that feels like a mistake. I’m pretty sure that within the next few weeks I’m going to snap and either down the rest of my anxiety meds and pain meds with a shit ton of alcohol or just straight up drive into a traffic pole with my air bag less shitty car to just be done with it all. The only thing stopping me is my boyfriend and his efforts at recovery from addiction. I just want to be dead already. ",5.0619975932611325,4.142299122743683,6.180953068592057,83.63934777376656,68.6028880866426,9.263922984356194,29.296991576413962,8.447377352677275,1.8338902045728032,1015,30,228,13,15,342,156,277,0.238,0.698,0.065,-0.9942,3,0,1,0,2,1,19.0,0,0,2,3,20,16,6,0,12,0,15,11,1,2,7,45,40,20,1,2,13,1,2,1,0,1,9,0,1,2,13,16,1,2,3,2,1,5,4,12,1,0,5,2,24,4,39,31,14,32,0,2,0,1,10,15,2,2,13,152,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505948495851502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259858731330996,0.0,0.0,0.1265940967544202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029175998689685,0.08775890824680996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212328605542302,0.0,0.13050821520887046,0.0,0.08821101287821646,0.09578468610229401,0.0,0.0,0.09761651549957476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713984049672985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693321595486726,0.0,0.0739835793566235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173962793547451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958321165583003,0.0,0.0,0.11853429555095885,0.0,0.1515402316731222,0.10376894226096864,0.0966548101496246,0.1096179054805483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116009672250876,0.08195451752412931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605488474634372,0.059935387573811866,0.0,0.1955905427965316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358879412606955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507144491497255,0.0,0.11297406034096183,0.0,0.12280792482509105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383985177339632,0.10196657388603272,0.0,0.0,0.06304597835706201,0.0,0.0,0.1214697319276142,0.0,0.0,0.1620573438410516,0.056045389671488866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522818031904248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657511412959561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548515346723905,0.11556625316600926,0.11560869912706208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25299265119445397,0.0,0.08847754559309003,0.11079529896105757,0.12200382805588485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724816091278177,0.24413594758806054,0.0,0.12738069372259347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844553112113528,0.0,0.0,0.11670938435511227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327012367857466,0.12316413296412675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177563143779844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590933254053123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081202985318577,0.0,0.17250722446335004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621350028685275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637027871004347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788594932911172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766361182003612,0.0,0.1840396196840364,0.0,0.10314520294889117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351602483744143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dvbhxszxccgf,2019/03/20,"Recurring thoughts Before I fall asleep nearly every night (that I'm sober) I have a bit of an urge to ""suck-start"" my .45

Now, there's a number of things stopping me, but the one thing I keep thinking is, won't the slide hurt my teeth? It's such a stupid thing to think and yet, I haven't had a day pass where this thought hasn't crossed my mind. ",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,2.2956756756756747,100.57072072072071,76.83783783783784,5.473873873873874,20.44144144144144,5.46131890053228,-0.4604342342342345,270,6,67,1,6,82,57,74,0.09,0.8370000000000001,0.073,-0.27,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,7,0,6,2,2,0,0,9,12,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,3,0,8,0,5,8,1,12,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839526298266345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673717345898119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579428173349362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634217966690452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621747934691594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768192474063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24728322217485565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22982581045563305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595328618793426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733443092306854,0.0,0.0,0.2047507071419979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881099992299099,0.31384918432367304,0.0,0.3888528343448748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,finallytold123,2019/03/20,"Life feels like a series of terrible events One after the other. And each one is worse than the last. And I’m afraid of how bad the next fucking tragedy is going to be. There are happy moments too, but the bad seriously outweighs the good, and it seems like the good is just slowly fading away.",4.66,5.678097931034486,4.916724137931039,85.63818965517244,69.6896551724138,7.179310344827586,24.84482758620689,7.1686216300943375,0.9649172413793096,232,6,46,2,4,73,44,58,0.21,0.5920000000000001,0.198,0.0138,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,7,0,5,2,0,1,0,9,10,5,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,5,6,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,8,31,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23118927612124224,0.0,0.4109135190117626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441953041715667,0.17579124892045042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274861863250565,0.0,0.0,0.13984629049524494,0.4127808454546573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619442902601717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057851391115888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380532355743364,0.24043309250606215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261696437913936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334845085809076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401134658457392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507646287952803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,capo-ditutticapi,2019/03/20,"I came as close as i ever have before I was driving and turned into a parking lot after fighting with my so, I drove straight towards a dumpster of sorts as fast as possible but stopped just short of hitting it, I don't really know why I did it or why I stopped but I did it really scared me and I know the casual thoughts I have of ending it all aren't normal and am taking steps to change my way of thinking if I can",4.7876666666666665,4.049580211111117,6.114444444444448,83.28500000000003,69.1111111111111,8.977777777777778,31.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,2.107933333333334,329,12,72,4,5,112,59,90,0.14400000000000002,0.8109999999999999,0.045,-0.8047,0,0,0,0,3,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,2,23,18,12,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,2,4,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,6,0,14,1,13,11,2,16,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,6,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855467499115906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24939414856365094,0.0,0.0,0.23067079728838624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312993175105372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724111109426054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396720743264042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853805704870144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136453059088977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582160661656155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279380229970752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830874824066496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646035683206301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394846031757435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397193373788582,0.0,0.1731094521390438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371786743220974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730800488101803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935172122221859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CockatielKisses,2019/03/21,Losing Everything at Once I think my fiance is breaking up with me tomorrow and kicking me out. I have $15 to my name so I'll literally be homeless. I can't afford to move and I don't drive nor do I have a car so i'll have to drop my classes. This also means my GPA is shot and my loan repayment kicks in. If all else fails and it happens im buying cyanide and killing myself. Got the tabs on my laptop and everything.  I know the dose and hkw to administer.  We'll find out my fate tomorrow. ,-0.2904354136429603,1.8711596226415068,2.5069811320754742,91.6116763425254,89.56603773584905,5.903047895500728,21.36139332365748,7.321109707123232,0.7953042089985485,384,14,87,7,13,134,70,106,0.119,0.8809999999999999,0.0,-0.8979,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,1,17,15,12,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,4,0,2,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,17,0,11,12,1,13,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,55,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090719590871505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839799073965568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699274244837747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894969273215685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909593636765533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311888539155325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28239801771917283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924252925167593,0.0,0.1436795459799909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292482367579715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28478274087797795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778673323958144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784230507048862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751898205612448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon1551551,2019/03/21,"The letter is written, and the blades are ready I have to stop being so scared and do it. 
Its better this way. 

I cant keep taking what I cant give back. 
I'm useless. ",-0.6382432432432452,1.1827624054054056,1.7310135135135134,99.12733108108112,87.1081081081081,3.7,14.655405405405405,3.1291,-1.367048648648649,127,2,31,0,4,43,30,37,0.207,0.657,0.136,-0.4201,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,12,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,10,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144308948382605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616526632190533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392269153331914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634630192359393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093959026620891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341871794349464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074536794456799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245782103854473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HereditaryMediocrity,2019/03/21,"Taking mushrooms Tuesday. It's been years since I've done psychedelics.
I've got nothing left to live for.

Taking a 'hero dose'. There's a fleeting hope that the trip is so profound that feeling connected to a universe full of love will give me a reason to go on but I'm almost certain it's going to be like giving Lsd (which is apparently unobtainable where I live but that's another story) to terminally ill cancer patients, it helps them to accept the end & go forward without fear.

Wish me luck I suppose.",4.215984848484848,6.0998103333333376,5.088775252525256,80.61982954545458,71.92929292929294,6.970202020202023,30.556818181818183,7.6454224807358475,2.118342424242423,409,18,73,5,8,133,72,99,0.111,0.631,0.258,0.9144,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,3,8,0,1,6,0,6,4,0,1,1,11,19,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,3,1,5,7,10,14,1,12,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,3,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884477225899284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039066230097148,0.0,0.0,0.1973363688213461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925863873263243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666828010463927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176901594621889,0.0951558422315711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610630150235279,0.3208626051815017,0.0,0.1505148283616132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614154493553287,0.0,0.0,0.18691773280717006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044718301340196,0.0,0.0,0.09194140719325836,0.0,0.3323550591385833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698511853026548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805758925829869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349335477135415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567487836346547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829948557968934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641222314586428,0.18141096811191165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118987587412215
suicidewatch,BusyStruggle2,2019/03/21,"I don't really know what to call this I had an idea of how I would write this ironically its all gone when I actually try to think about how to write it but I see a lot of people in this sub from lurking talking about how we deserve better as a collective and that lifes not fair. The reason I write this is because I really don't deserve better, I was forced to see psychologists by family and teachers way back in primary school due to self-harm and behaviour, I never would have called it self-harm at the time I didn't know what it was at the time. The forced meetings never changed my behaviour and never stopped the real problem because the thing is, I don't deserve to be helped because I caused it myself, psychologists might be able to diagnose what I have or don't have, I never got diagnosed because I refused to say anything until they let me go but even if I went there. They like to know the cause and the cause is personal and I can't actually tell them because I don't even know what age I was even though it was around 10. But if I tell them even now at 19, any form of help I would probably get arrested hence why I said I caused it myself, my mental health issues are so deeply entrenched due to the trauma of what I think I did, the regret and wanting to fix it but I know I can't. It's completely selfish and that fucks me up even more, I have a nickname in real life that everyone uses and it gives me a level of peace because I feel like I can separate it from me. I don't really know where this is going and I don't know if its even relatable to anyone to be suicidial over what you did yourself. The only solace I have is drinking really because it actually makes me feel like I think I should all the time, weed doesn't work for me and I can't seek professional help because I feel like I would definitely be committed or arrested. Death would at least get the guilt away, I deserve to live with the pain though. I never was able to do it though, I used to stare at the trains coming in and try to tell myself to do it and never did, same with cars and heights and all that I could just never do it. This is not a post about help but its more whether or not someone can relate to it or at least share some level of personal experience.",8.237805139186296,5.393861062098504,8.525493576017134,75.52789775160599,63.646680942184155,11.995246252676662,35.341434689507494,10.241411754978122,3.2080707494646674,1784,56,380,31,20,594,191,467,0.106,0.787,0.106,-0.2704,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,4,3,23,14,1,1,21,0,51,8,0,11,11,94,81,38,1,13,17,0,3,4,0,7,6,2,0,2,35,20,1,2,15,1,0,6,22,7,0,0,14,8,59,7,50,54,11,44,0,1,3,1,27,18,1,10,22,284,94,3,0.1278303318851169,0.0,0.1871159462592205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043464504585370135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044690970128666185,0.0,0.05259673564564672,0.056898048490962715,0.0,0.0,0.060050402361637875,0.049146817362083615,0.0,0.3116967353556913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305554053065126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052906114261567,0.0,0.0,0.26263392666304136,0.06761377071866198,0.05505725602395164,0.06701383545385267,0.0,0.0,0.05103105918074592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974509605604645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261252986589988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532921858406404,0.0,0.0,0.06107368008237725,0.0,0.0625212966506053,0.060253530146545636,0.0,0.09695228500925013,0.1369830219606533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590885409986324,0.06678607240759267,0.06131325118512775,0.07264892346146623,0.0,0.05111879696579071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793883258903625,0.0,0.0,0.17136395382968653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215244256841134,0.0,0.06671082756259597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458827257322539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535758756124631,0.0902903438024958,0.12490288639919594,0.0,0.05643826250740212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054338388456399635,0.0,0.0,0.04266386957605511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644114542626333,0.06780389063513413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34506721353927383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861036382699869,0.06801024291714396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431072839465914,0.11161651515633138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061213061189250635,0.0,0.06891135913780871,0.0611581818753213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549890330645168,0.1637827677766521,0.06571543564480567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079795923710081,0.05082790532443926,0.0,0.06468556020172425,0.10186422426357694,0.0,0.13335491491565346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541551126905767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053435940659659474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137258932117278,0.16759401662631362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246239621229926,0.12286277266411212,0.18838897807062344,0.0,0.11180834175976463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678840434663307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040436388316928,0.0,0.0,0.037698820857769016,0.05073288371911113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059249999167398086,0.057673495895046986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653100203213496,0.0,0.0,0.22701750034947785,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okpip,2019/03/21,"I (F16) haven't left my bed in a month due to depression, I need an out before something happens I haven't been in school for a month. I live in England and I'm currently a few months away from exams that determine where I go next. I have high ambitions to go to a prestigious university and desperately want to go on to do great things. My school says I don't have to return until exams, which is one stress lifted.

There are so many things I want to do with my life; I want to start meditation, I want to write a novel, I want to start photography as a hobby and make short films, I want to learn to play piano and learn how to drive. I want to start minimalism and go vegan but I'm too tired for anything.

Above all though I want to make some more friends. I'm not socially awkward; I'm very extraverted and thrive off people, but at the moment I'm barely in a position to talk to anyone. I haven't got a 'best friend' that I can share everything with and rely on - I think that would be the biggest help for me. I've recently stopped seeing a guy I was dating - I was the happiest I'd been in years when I had him as a proper friend but he didn't turn out to be a good person. My parents are incredibly supportive throughout though - I don't know what I'd do without them.

I'm becoming increasingly suicidal and don't know how much longer I can take this. The Prozac's stopped working, nothing helps. When I wake up I subconsciously force myself to go back to sleep, I can't help it. At the moment my hobbies are playing the ukulele, watching stand-up comedy and writing a journal - but I feel that wearing thin fast.

I used to never doubt that one day I'd 'make it' in life and be truly happy, but now I'm not so sure. I can't imagine getting out of this - I've never been like this for so long, it's excruciating. I keep getting thoughts that there's no point in living because I won't get anywhere in life.

It's ironic though; everyone always regards me as a 'positive' and 'grounded' person. I hate letting people down and just want to make others happy so they don't feel like me. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I know my Dad would do the same. I need more reasons to live.",4.099284660766962,4.701152365044251,5.3492743362831865,83.54631563421829,70.70353982300884,8.416047197640117,27.677286135693212,8.548686976883017,1.8022440117994096,1727,57,364,27,30,577,218,452,0.127,0.716,0.158,0.8018,2,0,1,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,2,2,19,21,2,3,22,0,37,8,3,9,4,70,86,32,2,13,9,2,3,2,3,3,5,1,1,3,18,17,0,3,12,4,0,7,18,6,0,2,9,6,48,15,55,70,9,62,0,1,2,0,21,27,0,2,30,231,66,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422588066639169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397104033431559,0.0,0.06351843633762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251985532247306,0.05935214327448346,0.0,0.09410512362745717,0.08524712766807861,0.06568056782077096,0.0,0.08100313739349177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049779317328503374,0.0,0.0664811673216144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375561643887378,0.06937082097795381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805627057208639,0.05514250553724781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890376991443427,0.0,0.12098127867788187,0.0,0.21933614145625727,0.06474090774124226,0.061733604013055686,0.08509909017547462,0.0,0.07642740020062898,0.0682563296436276,0.16433428358721466,0.0,0.07620631691364417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521073111686726,0.08155244728274137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860747320572408,0.08539613000016077,0.0,0.1272600943431311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386404934796195,0.07892907637194009,0.16355867101790614,0.07541947176706583,0.0,0.20447296624459735,0.06830818661588678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206092051175258,0.0782556411255247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483010716422568,0.0,0.05674142638635219,0.1144665669427992,0.11906295577550335,0.0,0.08208939503739131,0.0,0.0,0.07406313895026996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460800224094537,0.05870429527977225,0.0,0.0,0.0857071802889758,0.0,0.0,0.10702368297425124,0.13479366019879901,0.0,0.0,0.07296679281378653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872246306409638,0.07621298509031645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138230878578507,0.0,0.1562350053553985,0.06150815411396575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724287984520882,0.07868256496953578,0.0,0.059422428483321174,0.0,0.0,0.16390035688648855,0.0,0.0,0.12906380417974822,0.08841760375023261,0.0,0.0,0.0844301990439359,0.08759104747185772,0.07274796241374358,0.0,0.05803512037872002,0.06204009629571216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255940705998227,0.049458400208884624,0.2275079083026736,0.06127796427074319,0.0,0.08871525839678163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839574393616471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666490298899247,0.0,0.06368747107114969,0.40974275512294905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440564488529837,0.0,0.056193154461456465,0.0,0.0,0.10966305392505332,0.0,0.0,0.04970598504507535
suicidewatch,handsybetty,2019/03/21,"Life is lonely and it’s becoming unbearable. I did not ask to be born with a hand deformity but here I am & everyone is freaked out by me. It doesn’t help having family members who poke fun at you too. I can’t stop fantasizing about jumping in front of a train, stabbing myself or picking a fight with someone so they’ll seriously injure me. ",5.898478260869568,5.832964898550728,7.383876811594202,72.84798913043481,66.68115942028984,10.957971014492754,34.64130434782609,10.686352973137794,3.7161565217391312,274,12,53,7,4,95,60,69,0.17800000000000002,0.6859999999999999,0.136,-0.2772,0,2,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,9,3,1,1,0,9,10,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,8,1,9,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973767319655479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342864555347803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050498840606949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504482169031215,0.0,0.0,0.34574209665266803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458268110750831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25904849639382344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31074863432171745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066219375917744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Helloalliwannaknow,2019/03/21,"It’s coming back again I feel nothing anymore and the fact my birthday is a week away still brings nothing. I have no friends and people I try opening too just leave me or think I’m weird. My voices in my head keep talking to me louder how big of a mistake I am. I get too emotionally attached to people who end up hurting me. School I do nothing I use to be considered one of the smart kids but now I just lay my head down wondering how I will do it again. These thoughts are too much for me to keep them in, I’m breaking.",2.0915315315315333,3.4656242792792824,3.465045045045045,92.18693693693692,76.47747747747748,6.014414414414415,26.74774774774775,6.42735559955562,0.8693855855855861,409,16,92,3,9,134,74,111,0.077,0.89,0.033,-0.3576,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,0,4,0,8,2,2,3,1,19,20,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,1,2,18,2,12,17,1,17,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,2,7,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109273220443902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208750821282528,0.13265664924003812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861005233928096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406092843228556,0.15280084327737095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723091311445898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328793954136633,0.0,0.09013418423640322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541090311769251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468541824716056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066860607276448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267296900727734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268214942584864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966106008963334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690350419867784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23920624242723856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459868473997373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777409067589222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386644329768747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054336518465913,0.0,0.13696100871731012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712924184584265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900123507812632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838453089979336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187089760349458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Special47th,2019/03/21,"Should I tell someone I’m 16 years old, I’ve never been in a relationship, and I don’t have a lot of friends. I’ve never really told anyone about this, but I’ve been a lot thinking about suicide for probably the past year. I don’t intend to go through with it, but I usually consider it a few times a day, even consider how and when I might go about it. Most of the time it’s off and on, but this last week has rough. It’s been getting harder to talk to my friends, and I feel like I’m not trying as hard as I usually do in school. I don’t want to tell my parents about it, I think they’d be disappointed, and it would only cause more family issues. I remember when I was little they made me promise to tell them if was ever thinking about killing myself.  I also have some scary thoughts sometimes about what I might do to other people, and it’s usually pretty impulsive. I’m afraid that if I talk to a professional I’ll get sent to a mental hospital. I don’t know what to do.  If you’re someone who knows a lot about this, I’d like your opinion on what I should do. ",5.332914831130694,4.237735092511016,6.550495594713659,81.79141152716596,68.11894273127754,10.033627019089575,30.81093979441997,9.2995712137729,2.330157415565345,834,27,187,14,12,284,118,227,0.096,0.799,0.105,-0.4508,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,1,3,0,13,8,1,1,10,0,23,0,0,4,3,41,41,18,2,7,7,1,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,9,3,24,5,28,25,7,26,0,1,0,0,16,6,0,11,19,129,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902395370766892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789016018558579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159195999535708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277361807703958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453093672264034,0.10207185753958836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637719504288064,0.0,0.0570561985175969,0.08061419587771118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436257094993307,0.0,0.11791035369000268,0.0,0.12826117709484544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108407764153488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777750943120628,0.0,0.0,0.12484271949487913,0.0,0.12402979120905094,0.09198111799416953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025759549349633,0.11309711615444601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878021586328728,0.0,0.10677362818424256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371798160915805,0.2394146096076769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406108672704934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840847445011295,0.0,0.0,0.08582126460231121,0.0,0.0,0.12529745162331704,0.0,0.10772025493861538,0.0782302876771943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480066572779273,0.12166253286477252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228933885726277,0.0,0.0,0.121149850427163,0.1278277485861584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420191376838874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912209615351452,0.0,0.11160341366642083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343060108366805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139590961010296,0.2958860891854191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691338415212594,0.0,0.08958377510380405,0.13159790803816124,0.0,0.0,0.1078251641407272,0.0,0.07661216690696641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728378618672242,0.0,0.06655701017882057,0.0,0.09051487580352267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015956858988492,0.0,0.0,0.14533282358784444
suicidewatch,odyssey2112,2019/03/21,"I’m scared I’ve been dealing a lot with self and suicidal thoughts lately...they’ve always been there, and I had a really bad run with it about 5 years ago but now it’s starting to get overwhelming again. And I just don’t know what to do.

I’m scared to talk to my family or anybody close to me about this. I can’t say exactly why because I don’t know myself...maybe because of what they’ll think of me, or how they’ll react. And there’s also the fact that my life isn’t even that messed up, so I don’t why I deal with this. I don’t really know. I just know that i need help with this and I can’t do it on my own.

I’ve been looking into inpatient programs or possibly staying in a hospital or psych ward, maybe so I can be safe and start getting better. But I don’t know. And I’m scared. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone out there has been through a program or something similar, and if I should really be as scared as I should be. 

I want to get help and I want to get better. I’m scared about going down this road. But I’ve even more scared about what might happen if I don’t at this point. Thank you for reading through if you did, and any comments would be appreciated
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suicidewatch,throwawayy7863,2019/03/21,"Is it normal to be this suicidal in graduate school? Is it normal to want to kill yourself so badly while getting your masters? I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts and have attempted multiple times since I was 17 (was emotionally abused by my father throughout my childhood and then sexually assaulted by a classmate for three months in high school) and I thought I was okay. Now in graduate school, all I can think about is everything will feel better once if I die or something. I don’t know why. I don’t want to have to relive my trauma every day but I keep having dreams about being abused. My professors push me aside and keep telling me I shouldn’t be there, the other graduate students talk shit about me behind my back. Even my friends tell me I’ve been too difficult to deal with right now because I’m so stressed from the amount of work and my mental health. I overheard the head of the graduate program shit talking me to another professor today while I was in the office besides her (she knew I was in the office- I had been talking with my boss in there). Everything feels like it’s failing apart and has been since I started graduate school. I don’t have anyone. I can’t pass my classes needed for my masters degree. I don’t know if any of this normal. 

I’m sorry for the long text. I guess this was a rant. I don’t know where else to go. I’m sorry.",3.6286921257181497,5.429971546468401,4.400197701926327,85.29346316323085,73.31226765799256,7.567489016559647,27.84065562690098,8.296473431620573,1.9243070631970256,1082,42,211,18,22,347,145,269,0.188,0.753,0.059,-0.9891,0,0,1,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,0,6,14,13,4,1,9,1,30,4,3,1,1,34,51,15,4,9,4,1,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,9,1,0,3,7,9,0,1,13,2,37,4,30,33,2,26,0,1,0,0,11,10,2,4,14,138,44,17,0.0,0.23889388774901996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685563107643878,0.10571124173290067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049080774600804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751898972040062,0.0841746609075515,0.06145468140364615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916092388712041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501605797841169,0.1039337971453118,0.0,0.0,0.10462799864836883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421634233611262,0.11340107866778062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658604905440807,0.0,0.08493931755165576,0.0,0.18120848419631244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194818421480224,0.07202084177702762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788788933198887,0.0,0.05267064215255035,0.0,0.057294362618812864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105690751494132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346324328618778,0.10715952624734194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651449086426208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921448887132788,0.1115346701639743,0.0,0.16621259824737558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925214940925906,0.0,0.0,0.08921635047967386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159581289007884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046799091440139,0.0,0.0,0.07475157708401749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963260655065908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736257633605603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609376842110777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40811263438632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696623303445744,0.16678714417126828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761078823147023,0.0,0.2257038448693709,0.07135597458205564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548097403187482,0.0,0.0,0.22054616297545007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430890607315729,0.17623004634380612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459691269528722,0.0,0.16006855423645724,0.0587848827977005,0.0,0.09555895539620464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892426258304205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096807027176687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339307938568186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThRoWaWaY253872,2019/03/21,"What is the point of living?   

I know this seems like a vague question common question that deserves an extreme hypothetical answer, but I have been sitting here alone, and I can't seem to find a reason. I guess this is going to turn into one of the pseudo-depressive suicide things, but I really don’t care, and I really don’t want help. Just let me be, there is a reason this is a throwaway account. I guess a lot of this sort of stems from the fact that I am just thinking too hard about this, and as it turns out thinking is a horrible idea; ironic isn’t it? 

Basically, it has come down to this. We all live in a prison. There is no escape from the world. There are limits to everything. There is no way to escape this prison, we are born into bondage. Not to mention that it is all just random. The difference between a successful person and a homeless man on the street is just luck, it is simple as that. At any point in time, your luck can just simply run out, and your life is over. I am a successful person. I graduated the top of my class and high school and am currently at least an average engineering student at one the better universities in this country. Yet, with, I am pretty much alone., let just say I understand why people throw themselves off the top of the parking garage at the university. 

Enough with the random rant. Back to the issue at hand, I figure the typical responses for point of living, reason to live, would typically be grounded in some faith, whether that is some religion, love, or belief that you can change the world. I have come to realize, that these are all lies. 

Religion at its most basic form has always been a means to control a population, to give it hope and some sort of meaning. It is all just a scam. I can't bring myself to believe in this scam. I have a solid scientific mind, I guess you could say I have become a little too self a where so some as trivial as a religion just doesn't have any redeeming value.

As to love, I basically don’t love anything anymore. I really don’t connect with other people. I guess you could say that I really don’t have any friends anymore. This has a little bit to do with my transition to college, me coming from a small town where I knew everyone and was friends with pretty much every to the university which no one from my town got accepted to. I am literally the only person from my town that went to our state’s flagship university. Not to mention, that it is in the middle of a large city. There just really isn’t a way for me to really connect to anyone here, the class are large, there are 60,000 students on campus etc. I know, the typical response is just made friends or something cliché like that. Like that has ever worked. At a baser point, I just don’t care anymore, the result of that is I simply don’t make real friends anymore. I know the other cliché thing is you have your family. Well, let's just say I don’t even really have a connection to them either. I hardly ever talk to them, even when I lived with them. At the end of the day know even really cares that I exist. I mean that is literally the tea. 

Top the belief that I could somehow help humanity in some way. That is at least a valid idea, I don’t want to do it even though all things considered I am pretty sure I am more than capable to do it. People are evil. It is that simple. The real world isn’t a movie. Everyone is out there trying to in rich themselves degrade other etc. I am guilty of it  myself. Everyone is. The world is just a toxic place to live in. I even fully realize I live in one of the best countries in the world. That just means everywhere less is considerably worse. Now, I have been to extremely poor countries, one being Haiti, and they generally seem so happy. I guess that comes from the fact that they don’t know what they are missing or what I really think, ignorance is bliss. There poorer countries are just uneducated and thus are enough with what they have. Basically, I have concluded that the world should die. If I had a button to literally exterminate the entire human race, with me included, I would press it instantly. Humans are literally evil. We are literally the cause of our planet 6th large extinction event. I must know faith in humanity, no more ambition in life and know will to help others at this point. 

So, I ask, what is the point? Why keep only being in the prison that the world has thrown upon me and everyone else? We essentially live in a mundane computer simulation, except someone forgot to come up with a narrative to make life worth living. We are literally bacteria on a rock in the middle of space. So, what do you do? Just kill yourself, and cut your losses? I mean why live if it just suffering. I know there is a stupid cliché answer about how suffering makes you live unique or some bullshit. Well, as it turns out, I don’t care.

At this very moment in time, I just exist to spite other people that said or believe I couldn’t do the things I do. I guess that is one of those evil human moments. Like I said before, I am successful but once that stops, I won't even have this to really live for. I guess the city is a shitty excuse for a life. And you know what, it could be a lot worse. Bad things could have happened to me, I could be homeless and uneducated, etc. Well, I will personally ensure you if that happened, I would have killed myself a long time ago. After that, there is nothing left in this world. I have nothing else to live for or do or achieve. I don't want to a slave to this artificial system for the sake of this toxic humanity. I don’t want to do anything. I don't want to see people. I just want to be alone and waste away into nothing. 

I swear to god if some says go see a therapist…. Psychology is a fake pseudoscience and I already know the problems and there are just no real answers

​

Sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors.",4.268171042359995,5.523492122519414,5.378474362134845,81.07666343111879,70.82916307161345,8.521636057356506,26.13584165331361,8.942964678507748,1.9116167796540544,4626,143,912,87,84,1531,391,1159,0.147,0.6940000000000001,0.159,0.8745,1,3,1,0,0,1,147.0,7,12,7,14,61,49,8,0,82,0,134,9,1,13,11,200,206,48,4,24,40,0,4,4,4,8,4,7,0,12,81,45,1,6,42,1,4,11,29,17,3,6,12,13,108,32,138,169,31,116,4,4,2,3,63,78,0,42,25,680,189,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031581882618831304,0.0,0.0,0.11069892450973023,0.039316147776372816,0.0,0.02964517202263013,0.03860269123050322,0.043291659628275615,0.09691246479678522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133276090501806,0.024911776348569985,0.0,0.058637264364451824,0.0,0.03330717049915879,0.0,0.033473477728674414,0.027395568251111127,0.029747713124544124,0.0,0.0393480904883524,0.030316621763501486,0.08028062878092787,0.03738916333239777,0.03150988144313896,0.03889631478084492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452996091200281,0.036599550332762514,0.03768947349716142,0.15345091463508753,0.0,0.0,0.0399595914752291,0.17067532830207405,0.0,0.0,0.022976974547657587,0.0,0.030686159863679775,0.0,0.036976016951291824,0.03722345336747897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952488706701348,0.0,0.03155564349630145,0.07362605366173251,0.11920319746226585,0.14119089977988758,0.06445474430683025,0.030017946306862168,0.1361755052187052,0.03201995675115213,0.0,0.03358670583567756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03256315093927413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010375629639793,0.0,0.0,0.03417741875663289,0.04049618363678245,0.0,0.028494795113048987,0.0,0.27473616082841684,0.0,0.0630110669693794,0.037926440677892866,0.06383099646589603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164166183439312,0.03764271199520431,0.0,0.03538643040896772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043886749794968,0.0,0.03718615217979848,0.0,0.031667613182079314,0.07883373299531526,0.0,0.1958009943070828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03870969371908732,0.10929547508055676,0.10065983552236654,0.06962374641475429,0.07141680262600711,0.4089798408380891,0.03152946945640773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057893916691956,0.0964664035615114,0.03371187254360841,0.07134547139947918,0.0,0.0,0.1940455179095908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03597390750555912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238104417034593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255746462028532,0.0,0.0,0.03794242930975017,0.14485385903003745,0.05419307338347768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234991042297746,0.12443523398019755,0.03722345336747897,0.0,0.20207864204838225,0.0,0.0,0.10873880030353483,0.0,0.034090979550831284,0.0,0.0,0.07982254821196741,0.0,0.0,0.12165666110056915,0.22824072004115076,0.10989389337839613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778036630682256,0.14166322705272075,0.0,0.03605722149436382,0.0567814653713927,0.09730259482628474,0.037167550914613434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030187307449249023,0.02742801026802115,0.0,0.03988238952132395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02978642439079725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897101524482687,0.0,0.033578766654106536,0.0,0.0,0.028636264818854274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04136660554090092,0.11834758952644098,0.06848654001830026,0.03500411883891747,0.0,0.06232454555818931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024188928015077618,0.11625840112884504,0.0,0.03708978169259503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029396654681895,0.12608514755124775,0.08483903453582672,0.0,0.0,0.09610097497901636,0.03302731454836805,0.09644560591375506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02593745252255944,0.0,0.0726155153729197,0.07592687085962417,0.0,0.043291659628275615,0.0
suicidewatch,CrazyCrackers13,2019/03/21,"I just want to take a permanent break. By this time we’ve (I’ve) been through more bullshit than I could imagine. I’m tired. It not you really it’s me. I  don’t know if I can hold on to my sanity every little thing that goes wrong my mind goes blank and all I want it is hide and disappear. I’m done with living my life hurting others and I don’t know how to fix it, so that I have a reason to live. I’m slowly eating myself away. No matter how much I love people no matter how much I want to fix me I’m beyond fixing and the only thing that could make it go away is if I go away. My life has been nothing but failures. I have no accomplishments and I have nothing to be proud of. Yes I’m sure there’s people that cares about me yes I’m sure that people will miss me but slowly people will come to terms on what happened and every time they remember they’ll still be sad, they’ll still miss me, but they’ll be okay. I’m sure of that. Nothing has been going right and I know I’m suppose to be okay with that; that in life nothing will every be 100% reality is I expect  to be at 80% but for the past 8 years I’ve just been at my lowest I don’t know if that’s 0% or 10, 20 or whatever but it sure feels like 0. I’m coming into terms that my life is not that great that everything does happen for a reason maybe the my reason was so I could keep trying to save people be there for others knowing fully well no one will be there for me and I’m okay with that. People always come and people will go. The world won’t stop if I go away and hopefully people won’t leave it behind the way I did. I want people to be more aware of people like me people that no matter how much they try they fail and we might need more understanding than the rest of us. That our anger and our emotional instability is more than just us trying to control it, it requires a lot or understanding from the people around us. Being sad, lonely, depressed I know all those feelings I know that it’s okay that I’m going through shit but why can’t I get out? No matter how much I try? I love to do many things but after 8 years I’ve finally stopped trying to move forward I’ve finally thought I think I’ve tried hard enough. I just want to take rest, I feel like I’ve lived 100 years and I’m exhausted.",0.6371578815575312,2.553386394683031,2.6357831476148768,93.94007011393516,82.8036809815951,5.382429781728643,17.13705604941363,6.4939937576095925,-0.3270461917282255,1773,35,407,17,49,594,189,489,0.156,0.6970000000000001,0.147,-0.8161,1,2,0,0,0,1,36.0,6,1,6,5,20,31,2,0,11,6,47,10,1,10,6,99,101,34,0,15,20,0,4,3,0,11,6,0,0,0,35,23,1,6,19,0,0,12,14,12,1,1,8,4,55,19,49,69,16,45,0,8,0,2,15,17,1,10,19,261,90,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047738953650426484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05107415688629786,0.0,0.0,0.2156153859505919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584956236711247,0.0,0.0,0.14826534511159975,0.0,0.0,0.06434872713404123,0.13742307821429126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494153031840568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020752164172994,0.0587125250393713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058706928741854826,0.0,0.06453693199928319,0.0,0.05928167258631789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145017746531917,0.0,0.05156317629275455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870285773656017,0.08197460240941695,0.0,0.12569869112096846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029975038076278,0.0,0.195638476866966,0.0,0.0,0.06325396365808507,0.0,0.0,0.10146955474634634,0.0,0.051394962043394415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698436021414174,0.0,0.0,0.061419010900152074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099578159859817,0.0,0.0,0.2207150024077601,0.0,0.0,0.06074975047356562,0.0,0.0,0.1620970598110725,0.08408868737190371,0.05750284443993134,0.15198429911797207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877649498667005,0.10356279183067583,0.0,0.038296940332673966,0.058167243264143124,0.057638916028905425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086371395233819,0.05793040100160809,0.0,0.0,0.0609784468827803,0.16870310200259256,0.042541371773398035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020386304502348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03887744721153673,0.043634771565047435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054769045165626376,0.477302787100211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367546295459741,0.17696707843190704,0.0,0.0,0.06499245420209207,0.04899625068322825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889258666852323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163634527612484,0.09593283738200044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629359191644298,0.0,0.08627475071140321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434826730092044,0.0367623184096206,0.0,0.045547773977730494,0.06690934563004149,0.06594185342024841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337151113477351,0.0,0.0,0.11945468677163308,0.20703805820235727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920048595550302,0.04554003750718704,0.0,0.0,0.051585240555436986,0.0,0.05177023211952074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272839731142905,0.0,0.11083904299613667
suicidewatch,xoally,2019/03/21,"i cannot understand the point in being alive over the past couple of years in my life, I have struggled with depression. I can recognize that I'm no longer depressed--I don't have the constant heaviness in everything I do or tiredness or any of the other symptoms, but I still feel so disillusioned by life. I feel like for every happy moment, there's so many more bad ones, and outside of that a hundred neutral ones. I can't understand what I'm living for; life is so hard, and I feel like I feel happiness so rarely. And I don't mean this in a depressed way - true happiness IS so hard to come by. Nobody lives in constant joy, or anywhere near that. 

I feel like I put up with so much for such short moments of happiness. I just don't see the point in continuing - I don't know if they're worth it",4.895398773006137,5.073757220858898,5.752276073619632,82.85369018404909,68.8159509202454,9.219386503067486,30.410429447852763,9.120678840339163,2.3382127607361967,629,23,132,11,10,207,91,163,0.13699999999999998,0.633,0.23,0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,10,13,0,1,7,0,13,4,0,0,1,22,26,14,0,1,6,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,9,0,1,2,7,4,0,2,0,8,15,9,21,25,2,23,0,2,1,0,0,12,0,4,11,86,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792772489501933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733801999643896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042189216150643,0.0,0.2519594774328865,0.0,0.0,0.12899168348928028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008174564491373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822225478766644,0.0,0.10477306868867152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29472748350598965,0.24985070547841434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963991182303787,0.20886253623521955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406839080164596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470281255375792,0.17086282210265374,0.0,0.2058815684107297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819210941047265,0.0,0.12698795650895975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569847207314732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579929608683515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128718872110002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040837019646925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171934014486135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289782022248187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930995895547977,0.0,0.0,0.12187296226021105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211695019065626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427242656901007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253443679914727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507260995254507
suicidewatch,Shumaya,2019/03/21,"I feel like suicide is a rational decision in my position I was born with HIV. My parents delayed telling me so I found out when I was 15 and started on medication when I was 18. Around this time I started experiencing what I now know are symptoms of HIV related brain damage but for the longest time I thought it was 'just' brain fog related to depression and it'd go away soon. It turns out the feelings of extreme apathy, short term memory loss and general difficulty functioning like a normal person are all symptoms of HIV associated neurocognitive disorder. 

I'm now 22, and have dropped out of several universities and have finally accepted that despite my earlier academic achievement. (Before the problems with my brain I received an offer for an amazing course at my dream university- one that consistently appears in lists of the top 10 universities in the world). I'm now in debt with no degree to show for it. 

I've always struggled with side effects from the medication and I would always push through because I had a bright future and a lot to live and be healthy for. I don't have that motivation anymore and have stopped taking the medication. My health is pretty good at the moment and although other thann the brain damage I am symptomless, I now technically am classed as having AIDS.

I'm still living in my student accommodation right now but in a few months I will need to move back home. My older brother is a violent and angry person. He has fucked his brain up with drugs and is nasty, delusional and paranoid. He threatens to kill anyone who makes him angry. This includes me, my parents, cousins, even our grandmother. The last time I spent an extended period of time at home I ended up reporting him to the police because of fear for my parents' safety. There is no way I can live back at home.

I have nowhere else to go though. I've had one job in my life and if I were able to get a stable job as a waitress or in retail or whatever I stilk couldn't afford to live alone. Long term, I also need to get back on HIV medication. But I don't see why I should deal with the shitty side effects, wake up every day with a sinking feeling in my chest just to work a dead end job and live with an abusive violent drug addict. 

 I can't keep going. I've chosen where I will die and I will do it on Monday but the only thing making me pause is because my parents would be upset and although I'm not afraid of killing myself I'm afraid of the thought of just ceasing to exist. I keep telling myself that dying and ceasing to exist is inevitable anyway, I may as well do it now rather than after suffering through life for a few more decades. 

This turned out to be longer than I expected and I don't expect anyone to reply but it's been helpful writing it down.",5.3767233560090695,6.342439935064938,6.230613790970935,77.05934472273759,68.01669758812615,9.105772005772003,32.59745413316842,9.2995712137729,2.946889878375593,2211,95,408,42,36,730,268,539,0.208,0.706,0.086,-0.9978,9,1,2,0,0,2,38.0,1,0,0,7,27,23,5,5,29,0,45,24,7,5,1,79,77,37,6,12,13,6,3,2,0,7,16,0,3,2,19,32,0,4,12,2,3,7,8,16,1,2,12,6,53,7,74,53,7,79,0,5,2,5,22,33,1,6,39,283,72,10,0.06724506730841175,0.07967440876568828,0.0,0.07330704911089901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964560968030696,0.0,0.05377585603156322,0.11190656578125154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668903748133863,0.094038629175468,0.0,0.0,0.059862366686658536,0.0,0.0,0.06317895430850706,0.15512191790964042,0.0,0.1229759066551756,0.0,0.05722059944622319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753386719758949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336750536830688,0.0693267116739756,0.05791807793757265,0.0,0.13957952647836575,0.0,0.07706867297485685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596585836368435,0.0,0.056174625037606084,0.0,0.11911834048366853,0.0,0.0,0.04441473275387177,0.0,0.05665686946330827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566939596351069,0.10200337955800001,0.04803988952132912,0.0,0.07366368432344247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373074542980522,0.0,0.062166981154048014,0.07026554446168838,0.0,0.11465076424366392,0.05640197203768677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147836202773046,0.0,0.0,0.045072951151644815,0.0,0.20235685601397427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200191059658485,0.11954101109584918,0.1487934075823112,0.0,0.03695613038226524,0.054813704935931434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499435942566577,0.06570508641468008,0.0,0.29689313210035845,0.05950976848908188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571693515192484,0.0,0.0,0.0897732091897401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709693230933589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367437117021015,0.07147086451972794,0.0,0.09972273070006664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588588848257268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113399584840086,0.051142903866832456,0.0,0.0,0.2986707573152131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743159802109122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841240849073618,0.0,0.06434444776944041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057426920060578125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358561239659037,0.0,0.0,0.0759677855110812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519280949871163,0.0,0.053701997616492206,0.05621988730462587,0.0,0.07029914482018705,0.0,0.07355518931933076,0.0,0.0,0.13978674521970424,0.05055992186404189,0.0,0.11755030554774168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467463471719204,0.0,0.06606793720865932,0.10677014419194204,0.15684455807216546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462866466487558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053376004429174985,0.0,0.0,0.0604613913181895,0.0,0.06067821394470437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895520988541003,0.0,0.0,0.09553793292132036,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RussianScoop,2019/03/21,"I’m 13 My sisters been accused of rape, my friends are assholes sometimes, I have sever social anxiety, and misophonia and insomnia and I just wrote my suicide note",4.450999999999997,7.307807433333338,5.223333333333333,75.42500000000003,74.66666666666666,8.0,40.0,8.841846274778883,4.443000000000001,133,9,20,3,3,43,24,30,0.412,0.512,0.076,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,5,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32120746178627196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243986615747674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743454929283316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280153309948957,0.0,0.0,0.4152725877270728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592811584592698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nillin-,2019/03/21,I know it’s really selfish But I’m so awful and stupid and self-centered. My family definitely deserves better. I’m also a complete fucking failure but I’ve talked enough about me.,1.8520000000000003,4.667815914285717,4.334285714285716,76.45571428571431,89.85714285714286,6.2285714285714295,27.0,7.554174236665415,2.3991142857142864,147,7,23,3,5,51,29,35,0.264,0.628,0.108,-0.6659999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867280606862709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171036432846029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759272880063805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704725119155711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380040259954913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33146879027937604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704678599177408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296929107827834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740403094901584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881846420307189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NerdyPrincess83,2019/03/21,"On the floor freaking out 36F with 5 kids from 5 different men, each one a long term relationship I thought would last forever.  Got married, and he told me today he wants a divorce.  He listened to me break down and cry so hard I almost passed out, and he didn't react.  He didn't care.  My whole life has been a sad story.  From my dad abusing me and my mom then abandoning us, to every man I've been with hurting me bad.  Everyone who l ows me says I've had a shit life filled with enough bad luck for 10 people.  Everytime a door opens, 3 slam in my face.  I'm losing my job and can't find a new one.  I'm going to lose everything that matters to me.  I can't handle it all anymore.  I've always tried to be the positive one, the one who listened to everyone's problems and gave advice and saw the bright side of it all.  But inside I was always screaming and lonely.  Now I can't pretend to be that positive person anymore. 

I have had 3 severe mental breakdowns in my life , and I can't handle anything anymore.  I have chronic double vision migraines for 2 years now.  I'm always sick.  I find no joy on anything and I've tried a Gambit of meds etc.  

I can't do this anymore. I hate me.  I hate me so much.  I hate my mind.  I hate my mind so much.  It never ever stops putting me down, even when I do everything to stop it.",0.6045263288933143,2.646913129963899,2.7893240383418423,92.0771841155235,83.7653429602888,5.409137308602017,21.465081538653045,6.647476241863616,0.4149002614216357,1015,33,222,11,29,344,147,277,0.247,0.6759999999999999,0.077,-0.9937,2,2,0,0,1,0,32.0,1,0,0,2,8,20,5,0,11,0,20,8,2,1,4,37,37,16,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,6,4,1,4,9,17,0,3,3,1,0,4,9,16,0,4,12,7,33,4,25,22,10,30,0,6,2,0,21,11,1,2,14,133,42,1,0.0,0.10993251328681244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066633379020586,0.0,0.0,0.09290862858183413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316083084935342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36806264960496105,0.0,0.0,0.15270477099128418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493961969180267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459830611252128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191761139541547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693833748205352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586949344641353,0.10347741131968308,0.06128220182912646,0.08392740585151875,0.07817355850585997,0.1773159914981583,0.1667744979521853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960370033739255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273063567427277,0.0,0.07420692642031967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311521523998068,0.3664154485960939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932596713434023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207266869729183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563041181629337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660582691825684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210990851981644,0.0,0.2076005675410743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306083745433596,0.0,0.09350329684580992,0.0,0.18736847180163985,0.10866616045132503,0.0,0.0,0.13641215089096514,0.0,0.0715598590092847,0.08961026121823197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514882598990589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643239504210891,0.0810144117147482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887806633137243,0.0,0.09327239783335033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961406513747184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737846517208486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481821854024403,0.0952402691310605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551412455729565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365922431589036,0.0,0.0,0.08794729938677788,0.08865799574907915,0.0,0.12598693861667906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116063526215358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472573283360732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358874609743524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591027936683377,0.0,0.0,0.05974911774322055
suicidewatch,KingBlueJay1,2019/03/21,"I've been considering ending my life this weekend. Just as the title says, I've been thinking about ending my life this weekend because I don't feel like life is still worth living. Me being born was a mistake. My entire life I've just caused problems for my parents and the people around me. I'm a disappointment to my parents, too. I'm unmotivated and uninspired to do anything. I can't seem to keep good grades or hold long-term friendships. On a planet almost overflowing with people, I feel entirely alone and isolated. I'm not good enough. I've got no talents/skills. I'm just very depressed and feel like it's time to leave. I ruin every good thing I cross paths with. I've been very apathetic and depressed a few weeks and its now starting to turn into suicidal thoughts and desires. I feel like I need to end my life this weekend or continue living a miserable life of emotional and mental pain.",3.9161904761904758,6.0225261428571475,4.738285714285716,81.87104761904764,73.28571428571428,7.180952380952381,28.23809523809524,8.021203637495839,1.9747523809523808,725,29,132,11,15,234,100,175,0.263,0.659,0.078,-0.9862,2,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,0,1,7,0,9,7,0,1,0,33,25,11,1,4,6,2,4,3,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,12,0,2,7,3,1,1,4,8,0,0,6,5,15,6,15,18,2,18,0,5,0,0,3,4,0,4,16,72,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177679822395224,0.11561033721424012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185826244272527,0.09937034697312716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804585913787019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467012099530305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228573206264174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255636454190862,0.2966011405801127,0.11533896461891713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404928486121604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257647952603489,0.2392358047889755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28087848049963565,0.08927709694905066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921785929623464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819527038944898,0.0,0.0,0.4730662841662504,0.16360371957314895,0.0,0.19713469535995654,0.0987850409256952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249223354537737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276888218138108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877738544014715,0.0,0.2478937805824667,0.0,0.0,0.15477411166074165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681051309099948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876906540668121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161964851518114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900909229622863,0.0,0.08914425592682414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210016223706957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741590117207056,0.07152510307772944,0.0,0.0886181658190996,0.06508971754349066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214164728159826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420542977067808,0.0,0.0,0.0895392303322476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stageignition2,2019/03/21,"Just tired It's a feeling of exhaustion.
Tired of the pain, tired of failure, tired of treading water while fighting the current. 
Tired of these thoughts preventing positive ones. ",6.492000000000001,9.855742866666667,4.830000000000002,78.245,70.33333333333334,8.0,40.0,8.841846274778883,4.334000000000001,146,9,21,3,3,42,21,30,0.563,0.331,0.106,-0.9643,1,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485990044509177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372596449798952,0.0,0.17858297334543607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323828846500746,0.0,0.9644795914966112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whathefokrightnow,2019/03/21,"Genuinely hate my life Everyone I've ever been friends with just abandons me. People who stay are shitty. I try so hard to be nice and impress people but it gets me nowhere in the end. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hate myself for not being good enough. My parents are ignorant. My mom's the equivalent of an anti-vaxxer and my dad's just forgetful as fuck.  I'm so lonely everyday even when I talk to people. Just when things go right they go horribly, horribly wrong all over again. Why are human beings so terrible? They all use you for personal gain just to leave you and use you as their funny stories and someone to laugh at later on. What the hell did I do to deserve this? Just to make things oh so fucking better of course I had to be gay and born to homophobic parents in a very homophobic state. I'm tired of seeing people so happy all the time. I know it's bad but I can't help it. I'm always so worried about what others think of me. My family just laughs at me for being different. I'd love to get a therapist but my mom wouldn't allow it, she thinks it's fake and I'll just get them in trouble or something which makes no sense. Is there hope? I really don't have any.",0.9200522700119472,3.1459868266129045,2.932544802867384,90.39752090800478,83.95967741935483,6.254719235364398,20.072281959378735,7.526774132740827,0.6841097371565112,935,27,200,16,27,314,144,248,0.254,0.585,0.162,-0.98,3,2,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,4,2,20,24,5,0,7,0,18,6,0,5,4,38,41,20,0,2,12,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,14,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,14,0,0,3,2,29,10,28,32,4,21,1,2,1,4,20,8,3,2,9,131,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989553686210094,0.0,0.0,0.08087327567719785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929765007348193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517975510581916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425161663808205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533250850647716,0.12288161584364066,0.0,0.07854903277890309,0.10757473387886624,0.0,0.1136382115254937,0.0,0.0,0.11211217982468667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188138445065094,0.21988902950267505,0.18640066751276912,0.0,0.135175966476526,0.09974889131797893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265981831678629,0.1065337010004082,0.2348282064238073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797131153996151,0.0,0.0,0.11811964736207413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071645901212434,0.0,0.0,0.12592471120682638,0.0,0.0,0.08400044973463294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733471784978924,0.0,0.15876710978740516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27856772584799083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641049225316725,0.0,0.0,0.3297912894306778,0.10384097652184532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618658636473942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156154830936308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476805923706594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076501273245622,0.09155449880813554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675853618345007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558764371194764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380814284624471,0.1580173572689272,0.1524050483479512,0.0,0.0,0.06934629327545105,0.1366871268385028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074246580360049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054265346278576,0.0,0.09812581954494448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731157705080174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077440529645213,0.0,0.0,0.2600522719626949,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bengmr971,2019/03/21,"Need somebody to talk to Hey, i'm Ben \[16\] 

Superficially, I have everything you could wish for... a beautiful girlfriend, many friends and i recently finished school with a good grading; preparing to go to uni next year. I got lots of free time to spare and go out with my friends all the time. 

I drink, smoke pot from time to time and am a healthy person. I have no real problems that come to mind at first glance.

​

But for some reason i feel lonely and unhappy with my friends and girlfriend around. There is a void inside of me that i cannot get rid of. I have tried professional help but that turned out to be a waste of time. 

I set expectations way too high for myself and need to stop overinterpreting... 

I feel unhappy with my gf, but do not want to put her under pressure by telling her that i feel depressed

If there is anybody who would be willing to voicechat with me and listen to me it would be a real help...

I just feel like i cannot take it anymore and am afraid of myself. I cry myself to sleep every day and am extremely emotionally unstable when alone...",4.521100628930816,5.680630669811325,4.8946415094339635,85.14344025157233,70.13207547169812,8.106163522012578,28.75597484276729,8.447377352677275,1.8719140880503145,850,31,175,13,15,269,122,212,0.152,0.752,0.097,-0.9349,0,3,2,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,0,1,6,11,0,2,7,0,18,2,1,1,1,45,35,14,0,10,6,0,4,1,6,3,0,1,0,1,7,18,1,1,5,1,1,4,4,5,0,1,1,6,26,7,33,27,3,25,0,2,1,0,17,6,0,3,14,115,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671989781655071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256847191166488,0.14867121903939845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134042696892225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891932778549876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539551838575632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768821268152436,0.0,0.13439805963083218,0.07890699606273216,0.0,0.10538170247442767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198584985744542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762966790326386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308693888893004,0.0,0.10996219698339668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24745963445249824,0.08740837964094307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040726515611642,0.0,0.0,0.2835868353735543,0.0,0.06392393328941713,0.0,0.13907105986279789,0.10262315408071704,0.09785616818829336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402009517742333,0.12927173336225656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977506604303731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040193978631518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404584670032495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354076347234445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181445094705992,0.0,0.0,0.13012286866574924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683315265653193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707445571707625,0.0,0.12299767541923776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785269998176323,0.0,0.12579835803507947,0.12080795875051567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238268784511876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244048217049412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229185166447936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199356803155116,0.09834200018918712,0.10694114658261177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567225282257602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830690587086899,0.13308397327805901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216645095984849,0.09711741857338284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069890081052736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738308725125204,0.0,0.14867121903939845,0.07879075440836111
suicidewatch,BreakMyFallIfYouCan,2019/03/21,"Bullied on Reddit & pushed to suicide I do not understand how people can live with themselves after bullying people & encouraging them to commit suicide.  It’s happening to me on Reddit right now, in all places, r/Funny.  

Someone posted a video that I felt was abusive towards animals and I spoke up about it. She attacks are relentless and one person in particular has encouraged me to commit suicide this weekend.

I can’t think straight I kind of feel like maybe they are rightright and that I should spare people from my pathetic existence.  I do not understand that level of cruelty. But maybe I deserve it.
",5.74072072072072,8.021184513513514,6.229009009009008,72.3707207207207,68.72972972972973,9.257657657657658,34.85585585585586,9.725611199111238,3.961277477477477,495,25,76,12,9,160,79,111,0.268,0.614,0.118,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,5,14.0,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,3,17,16,5,3,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,3,14,4,16,12,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,4,57,21,0,0.0,0.18613076337745627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404226793571301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178717162951948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943147282521683,0.11222802211774162,0.1508349255303175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891775134785125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358928084491176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674821866649897,0.0,0.13871692598781296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156441801633696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645099524231308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32672770695493264,0.13716846678197922,0.16412984854627696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045267698244744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341574620368534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310528044649028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155061863832614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065952532391682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32708089664451195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoIdea_nsfw,2019/03/21,"Got ghosted today. The last thing I needed to make my mind up. Been depressed for years now. Never had the strength to go through with it, but I finally feel there. I met this girl about a week ago, and she was perfect. My last gf was in 2015. (She was married and decided to stay with her husband) That really fucked me up. 

Fast forward to this week. This girl was amazing. Absolutely beautiful, super chill. Honestly the whole time I had no idea why she was talking to me. She could get way better. Most of the time I hate existing, but talking to her made things feel great. Maybe that’s how everyone else always feels. Then today I saw she unmatched me on tinder, and stopped responding to texts. Idk what I did wrong, and never will. I don’t blame her and I’m not mad at her in anyway. She doesn’t owe me anything at all. I’m mad and hate myself for ruining something again.  

Fuck everything at this point. Life is absolute trash. People walk around and convince themselves that any of this matters. It doesn’t. If someone kills themself, everyone who’s “hurt” by it will be gone in 100 years anyway. Nothing matters. In 1000 years no one will even know we ever fucking existed. I think about that everyday. This girl proved my point that living is a waste of time. It doesn’t get better. There aren’t shitty days and mostly good ones. It is all shit. We’re just here to suffer over and over. 

Being ghosted isn’t something to die over. A lot of other shit has happened. It’s just the thing that made me see it clearer. ",1.4212216578995118,4.025280500000001,2.3604770542354423,92.48429620896064,86.28187919463087,5.235044440413569,21.812443315799023,6.766488616294105,0.6184834754217299,1191,41,238,15,37,374,171,298,0.215,0.633,0.152,-0.9765,2,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,1,0,0,5,15,25,10,0,8,0,25,6,2,4,7,46,51,14,4,3,6,1,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,25,13,0,1,8,0,1,4,11,15,0,2,15,5,29,10,35,30,6,46,0,4,2,3,21,17,5,4,25,160,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091394670629697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579003238880545,0.0,0.0,0.0701136384657209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484506018681827,0.0917836114631155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823726134907062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231942979803221,0.0,0.0,0.06649296516598245,0.0,0.0888025425045109,0.0,0.10700473215128636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612940389620329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809862021756671,0.09326264994303372,0.0,0.19703884656760692,0.09266241142647202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639606443028795,0.0,0.0,0.11294439821055854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859514429463564,0.1077342208314862,0.0,0.0585958634878306,0.0864779823082787,0.08246096173079198,0.11367152348340084,0.0,0.0,0.0911737242075995,0.0,0.0,0.20358591671828005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037399296591764,0.11639084169759673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406829587353677,0.0,0.056662763267293866,0.16808556277193235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282476336385836,0.0,0.0,0.09104191962674237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765456225455931,0.0,0.1951172781318781,0.06882211486222839,0.0,0.10358091442859384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410473205208272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644963668514394,0.15903892210282095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893019797368284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397306476340004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147870245969876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493149658211414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605048117051669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821598159318664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166768567027447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735891570556441,0.15874759555841225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989417831774856,0.0,0.08619880199320519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574072057524586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054913399900651,0.06606429856304054,0.0,0.0,0.1803607271353681,0.0,0.19545935235160905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183843578427671,0.16540616346532205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930345043343861,0.11511092076901215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272704627025855,0.0,0.19918503363547885
suicidewatch,invicteus,2019/03/21,My ex girlfriend took Xanax while drinking and died We had just talked on Facebook. I found out today she was drinking and then took some Xanax pills. She stopped breathing and died on Saturday. Hours before we were talking on Facebook and catching up. ,4.4220000000000015,7.5670449777777815,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,77.0,4.488888888888889,31.222222222222214,5.6839178017228535,1.4713555555555555,204,10,34,1,5,57,33,45,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,11,6,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,0,5,0,1,14,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,6,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895051637489607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462264311756192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363313366989197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441840372388901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193191151592806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619097060708004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580029527029208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109786729661328,0.0,0.4948658848923206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PurpleOZgirl31,2019/03/21,"Intrusive thoughts? Suffer from depression, anxiety,  PTSD, and ever since my concussion in January I've had a serious influx of suicidal thoughts. 

Mostly by taking my medication and waiting for someone to find me. 
But my kids are the only reason why I'd never do it.. I dont think. ",3.1925641025641016,6.113868000000004,5.716923076923077,69.51141025641027,80.53846153846153,9.620512820512822,31.743589743589745,9.725611199111238,4.405989743589744,224,12,34,8,6,79,45,52,0.259,0.741,0.0,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,2,12,9,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,5,0,6,6,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199650464076545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616588207045104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294142847879743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270228128675427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293881762022905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25283264235582725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935687194887675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908791057937764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29337835623524144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804586934118084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761053716471198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265176128546384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27452779764567103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870325978244545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081574884547775,0.0,0.3984949642651708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264674538052579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,72744838,2019/03/21,"Suicide is a solution to a permanent problem I’ll always be alone no matter what I try to do. Rejection hurts far too much and I’d rather be dead then have to experience it hundreds of times over and over again. I’d rather die than have to live life forever alone. I don’t give a shit if I’m young. I’d rather live a short life than live a long life of pain, misery and loneliness that only ends when I die of old age. ",4.7876666666666665,4.049580211111117,5.852222222222222,85.16499999999998,69.1111111111111,9.866666666666667,28.0,9.3871,1.9239333333333333,329,9,77,6,5,110,57,90,0.418,0.551,0.031,-0.9918,0,2,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,7,5,1,0,0,9,9,6,4,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,11,7,1,13,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,1,9,42,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36218576994277096,0.0,0.0,0.14549002397704078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629354276448304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486607145956882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103781159006326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773299445117276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718159249871666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705072584625563,0.0,0.0,0.4631898613598949,0.15473761675912698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853559032257442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347669242333556,0.0,0.0,0.13298205083669096,0.18605377267306386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167308775555933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948202026411295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125859475705773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195701367153737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187123392033644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tttthrowawayp,2019/03/21,"I think my brother saw So basically, there’s this rope in my backyard, and I tied a nuse with it, put the nuse around my neck and tried to get myself to do it, i pussied out and stopped. Meanwhile I thought my brother wasn’t home, then I was going to go inside then saw my brother , he looked kinda disgusted st me. What do I do.",0.7685714285714269,2.75704155072464,2.4484886128364387,95.06478260869568,82.76811594202898,5.1022774327122145,24.349896480331264,6.18269132825596,0.4649983436853002,253,10,58,2,7,83,47,69,0.079,0.921,0.0,-0.6133,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,10,13,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,3,13,0,7,8,0,9,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,3,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299325086375621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936349048507946,0.0,0.4212664968863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717644815379483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112294687087285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725778742187624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098569181340134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23747986605478236,0.0,0.29423278322115404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516282783519704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EvilKnecht,2019/03/21,"To depressed for therapy. Over last few years I have lost any control over my life and I don't know if I want to keep on fighting or just give up.
Ever since I was about 15~ I have been diagnosed with a severe depression and over the course of the last 7 years I have been in various kinds of therapy all being discontinued because I was in too bad of a mental state.

I don't know if I want to keep on fighting or just end it all, I'd know a how and where just not... If. ",1.7994117647058836,2.919268303921569,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,76.74509803921569,7.452941176470588,23.534313725490197,8.07648339933343,1.0046431372549025,365,11,87,6,8,124,60,102,0.229,0.7709999999999999,0.0,-0.963,0,0,0,0,4,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,2,0,5,0,10,2,0,2,3,25,19,9,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,10,1,17,13,4,16,0,3,0,0,3,9,0,5,6,63,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044321756937568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788233037159088,0.10796671350058924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864779128779486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050951050789849,0.1797664206909868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568699441557394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602092529212724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990335729863085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148531394709532,0.0,0.1844364002987829,0.2920107559795799,0.2887421969565683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510046561853758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334024975554287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848869724205935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000877819884061,0.0,0.14651007375698802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40508932490779415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089322000099141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281105061982154
suicidewatch,Kriss_Snow,2019/03/21,"What's the point of living if you are such an inferior human being I'll never be good enough and everything around me reminds me of that so often... I can deal when I'm just with a couple of people but big social gatherings with people that are clearly superior in every way are way too painful

I don't think I can deal with any more rejection

What is the fucking point of living if you know you'll never be able to live the way you want due to being so pathetic and useless, I just can't anymore",5.261682847896445,5.081694213592236,6.571019417475728,78.52733818770228,68.02912621359225,9.196763754045307,28.81715210355987,8.841846274778883,2.1254608414239486,396,12,79,6,6,135,66,103,0.201,0.715,0.084,-0.9387,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,9,7,1,0,5,0,13,2,0,0,3,18,18,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,11,13,2,12,0,3,0,1,9,5,1,3,4,59,14,0,0.1651734155839555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123235866348548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380764483852667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470393586673937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276124269507232,0.0,0.0,0.3405730774534365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066829193535096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391657265004821,0.0,0.14844721548354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527001611384071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385396243921986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077498954694578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375534562336625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25478384143284616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575615977301687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290208981867143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31228453298580183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837349640913588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583645529599174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742356000704958,0.3933209073026685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostboy4ever,2019/03/21,"Please kill me Life is nothing to me and death is all i want. Kill me now and show me no mercy, i will forever be sad. If i die i want no funeral, leave me to rot in this god forsaken world ",-0.3915116279069792,1.0008139767441904,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,83.65116279069767,7.090697674418602,20.05232558139535,8.07648339933343,0.5891441860465121,143,4,38,3,4,51,30,43,0.45,0.396,0.155,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,6,3,5,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113616812859333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6638303871344954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176659117375357,0.0,0.0,0.211905027977294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28786645367688835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32931947854938953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539058265655077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihaveab7,2019/03/21,Can’t do it Can’t do this anymore,-2.799999999999997,-1.4487265555555555,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,92.33333333333334,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.8357555555555556,27,1,8,0,1,10,6,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-5-6,2019/03/21,"I can’t do this anymore I’m tired of everything, I’m tired of feeling like I’m worthless, I’m tired of not being able to feel anything, I’m tired of crying myself asleep every night, I’m tired of my friend never having me about of anything and I’m tired of this fucking life. 

I don’t know what to do I want to end it all but I’m too much of a fucking wimp to go through with anything which makes it all so much worse ",-0.11774193548387045,1.818531258064521,1.8671075268817208,98.24066129032258,85.88172043010752,4.150107526881721,20.052688172043013,4.935628992294339,-0.4599324731182799,329,10,78,1,10,109,51,93,0.25,0.684,0.066,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,6,10,1,1,3,12,22,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,2,6,2,15,21,4,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,44,12,0,0.1182429511330334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726523469519302,0.0,0.0,0.2919116214903314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988432955839685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047281583365785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962478610624566,0.0,0.10626914012886786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957437779204072,0.08447278791549782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135421073105933,0.21862740596191768,0.0,0.0,0.06720019403878104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498323362239503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351849324476572,0.05776753324143748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892808805286285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738443485822203,0.0,0.09119625336051036,0.0,0.0,0.11096299964117018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8154172685197815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974275614748922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120499668982487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beepbooptattoo,2019/03/21,"I m lost I'm losing this Battle and the war might end soon. 
Suicide is not the answer, but a way out... 
I'm drunk at work couple of more shots till the end of my shift and ... Let's hope for the best. 

I love you all. ",-1.150408163265304,0.3795992653061262,1.236081632653061,103.65534693877552,86.95918367346937,3.92,11.840816326530616,3.1291,-1.9080726530612249,160,1,44,0,5,54,39,49,0.218,0.5379999999999999,0.244,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,4,1,7,2,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,9,8,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,6,5,3,7,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,4,27,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781459986813982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29326474522771034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694983889467022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632472392700881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27102415386490336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965150253041863,0.2893254544945259,0.0,0.2392114164138893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811684576165719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289913734055338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037858642217647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929542678182199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sansfromundatale,2019/03/21,"everything’s right but im not i always thought things would get better once i did. im in a better home. i live with my girlfriend of a year who loves me immensely. we have our issues, but i love her back just as much. i got accepted to a top college and im pursuing a degree i want with a large grant covering most of my fees. but i just feel so empty. so suicidal. so dead. ive struggled my entire life with these feelings and have somewhat fucked up my body due to them. someone please give me advice because i have no fucking clue what to do and I feel like im about to end it",-0.3862903225806456,1.8144877096774223,1.89701612903226,95.26552419354843,91.258064516129,5.035483870967743,19.846774193548384,6.6274283507984215,0.2362032258064519,452,15,102,6,16,152,83,124,0.207,0.5710000000000001,0.223,-0.3701,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,3,7,9,2,1,5,0,7,6,1,0,0,22,19,10,2,2,6,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,3,20,6,13,15,3,8,0,0,0,4,9,4,2,2,5,66,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667006022950887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637513855551004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754409009994116,0.0,0.0852576616100763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473904901623611,0.0,0.15535348429087215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387488867620855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256975975923572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21215301079646395,0.099916367912931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585975539459257,0.07307133781936959,0.13416693417183154,0.0,0.0,0.11185921696998614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029148329757207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6042933532749297,0.14597802330061802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878760609778173,0.06832877483039708,0.0,0.12349938233971655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252459120422776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281355878712613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894686610973734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352482778629448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944010134185774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185033463237248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621255976660066,0.0,0.15298468483514135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291710041916146,0.0,0.0,0.1110336130608947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249334554300766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935288518065127,0.0,0.0,0.09006557538238172
suicidewatch,MrToooExtra,2019/03/21,I dont know what to do I am so tired of my life. My family loves me even though they always dont miss a beat to yell at me at least my mom and my dad is always at work and my bro IS SUCH A LITTLE IDIOT all he does is hit me make fun of of me and lies about me. And the worst \\\]part we go to church and i try not to make fun of people and be nice but he still does and he makes all of his freinds at church hate and make fun of me. i feel like that no one likes me. I have 0 freinds but he has all the freinds in the world i am just tired of my life  i just want freinds that wont turn around and stab me in my back like the past,-0.6201692307692284,0.4112892600000002,1.3393333333333324,106.01146153846157,83.06666666666666,4.8820512820512825,14.871794871794872,4.713530739802397,-1.5018358974358978,479,5,143,1,13,158,78,150,0.161,0.6890000000000001,0.15,-0.7047,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,1,2,10,12,2,0,6,0,12,5,0,4,3,26,25,13,0,1,5,3,1,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,0,2,25,8,19,22,6,13,2,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,6,93,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529075983630707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528828523472344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168579384004094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659853798043681,0.0,0.3562226987002321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037680375856224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326671984469938,0.0,0.07684216908641994,0.10856961787403993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636981882437965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500419798899707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352044506522682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468619944379075,0.22273915059448784,0.15231697779595516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716166232644728,0.0,0.40577291555714107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798906594826194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298091027251677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457206500910612,0.14507552657004422,0.10535901706659001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136591941383493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493128058357732,0.0,0.0,0.3493414602725729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317976375040996,0.16530310003813167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963767588669896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063823175202292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FatUnit235,2019/03/21,"I fucking hope I die soon I can't help the way I feel

I'll soon be having my last meal

no reason to be optimistic

I'm being realistic

​

I've been thinking of suicide all day

I'm waiting for the day I'll be in my grave

I'm waiting, but I can't wait

I can't be saved, it's too late

​

I knew since the day I was born that I was doomed

I never wanted to come out of my mother's womb

So I keep drinking until I'm finally attempting

Rope around my neck, hung to the ceiling

It will be last thing that I will be feeling

​

You're either lucky or unlucky

Too bad that it is 50/50

I get myself poured with whisky

and light it like it's gasoline

​

It will be the day that I will jump in front of a train

Only thing that will stay visible are the bloodstains

I will get crushed like I'm mashed potatoes

Too much gore, it's fucking gross

it feels like the pain of  the razor that I swallow

bleed streaming like the river that flows

the therapists conclude out of the diagnosis

that i'm probably dead whilst you're reading this",5.0148868778280535,4.8607340180995475,5.563076923076924,85.45692307692309,68.54751131221721,8.247963800904976,30.574660633484164,7.61054688173877,1.7651375565610858,842,30,180,8,13,272,118,221,0.185,0.7190000000000001,0.096,-0.9733,0,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,7,14,2,0,12,0,23,9,2,2,2,26,45,5,4,2,3,1,3,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,19,6,3,4,7,2,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,4,21,7,16,27,3,25,1,2,0,3,2,5,2,3,18,105,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150529219184303,0.4654683197117524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525270865475043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996123365472102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249457286545568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470465171950232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939076387770164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938149533835463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452676344184064,0.06841578326840587,0.0,0.1049077904141998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706962907140128,0.10006834547346408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419043190949161,0.0,0.0,0.09511798834053584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512188504501629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156125361419494,0.10802906204269104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871471810851184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039957818686073,0.0,0.07386121920167643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283492658984199,0.10190257097965323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325275083048947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579266294892903,0.0,0.0,0.09846416595529583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921924283324305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102074610245002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047532777631306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111925746127198,0.12724634285637088,0.06136346465445745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056485708674621576,0.07601518627844829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654683197117524,0.0
suicidewatch,Xq28hurtingvet,2019/03/21,"Need Some Encouragement (This account is a throwaway).
I just need some encouragement I guess. I'm pretty alone here. I moved here to be with my husband and his family after I got out of the military 6 or so years ago.

(My bio family isn't exactly gay friendly)

This year has been awful. I haven't been physically well for one day. After never having any health issues in my life, I went to the ER for the first time due to intense stomach pains. The only thought going through my mind the entire time was how I can't afford this, even as I thought I was dying.

Yes I'm American.

I have insurance but there's no way I can afford a $3300 medical bill (plus we just had a $1000 car bill) as my employer cut my hours in half after the 1st of the year. Yesterday, I was informed that next week I'd only be getting one 4-hour shift and I lost my damn mind. There was yelling, I threw an item and stormed out like a child (thankfully before the business opened). 

I was informed today that I have been terminated. 

I've been fired from a job for the first time in my life. I'm in my 30's and I can't even hold down a job as a stock boy. 

I've struggled with depression for so long but I've never had the money to see anyone. Or when I did, things seemed fine. It was awful telling my husband but he is trying to be positive about it--""you stood up for yourself,"" ""you're going to get a better job,"" ""everything is going to be ok.""

I don't know if that's true--like I don't know in my heart. It's a nice thing to hear but I don't really believe it.

I can't stop thinking about how much better my husband and family would be without me. These awful thoughts won't leave my head and I believe them. Every second is a struggle to not go to the garage. I don't know what to do. 

With this depression I feel like I can't even stand up let alone ""shake it off"" and get going. I am not in control here and that is terrifying.

I feel so broken compared to the guy that was in Iraq getting shot at/rocketed/mortared and remained calm as a cucumber. I feel like I'm bad at life and I just don't want it anymore. I don't want to feel like this. I feel like suicide would bring peace and finally these awful feeling would just stop. I know that's selfish.

I'm rambling now so I'll stop. Thank for reading.",1.7652619544686343,3.4425971878914403,3.4908425290784386,90.34810194850384,78.16492693110645,6.566080127249229,23.513321403718066,7.447530270364453,0.8889743115617851,1779,58,393,24,42,594,223,479,0.166,0.7040000000000001,0.13,-0.9714,6,2,0,0,1,1,65.0,1,0,1,6,23,28,2,3,24,6,48,10,3,3,3,72,92,30,2,8,14,3,7,5,1,4,6,2,0,3,21,19,0,5,17,1,4,11,19,11,2,6,22,10,50,17,51,60,4,56,0,3,1,1,17,15,1,7,33,248,71,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705869292597201,0.0,0.0,0.1567000776051912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144423541767935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750239490810012,0.05289587009620346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316414964063126,0.0,0.0,0.06437212923397022,0.1704621000052153,0.0,0.13381162163963686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484731599207743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878765142520382,0.0,0.13031355959437338,0.0,0.07851220892334414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498972893185862,0.0,0.0637379432998056,0.0,0.06798886795931842,0.0,0.2139467700719039,0.0,0.2295038777907346,0.21617599302216076,0.0,0.08287029938537302,0.0,0.12869480529270488,0.0,0.0,0.05844659478179511,0.0,0.15809490821689154,0.0,0.2149666927671948,0.0,0.060503793853475825,0.0,0.0833364227341982,0.07490487134880408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763818363832002,0.08041185171794413,0.08526245352170157,0.08964498912738746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899898393497613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895839491964553,0.2252112855953665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629988668262036,0.0,0.0,0.08010186843530757,0.0,0.07735671101987122,0.16030037890097962,0.18479255525756894,0.0,0.0,0.06694740259516234,0.0,0.0,0.08258033557105862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620888479593879,0.0,0.0,0.15276880392964232,0.0,0.0,0.08040341715838442,0.055611066613023036,0.1121862505865937,0.1166910736379992,0.0,0.08045407220755298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252408075302992,0.11506966543439638,0.0804963724036271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696270998893746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566994430210955,0.0,0.048462989186452296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028283519672965,0.06886843855075163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973903905850228,0.0,0.15817050779608216,0.0,0.08274824448742525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612097333341871,0.13929574086573426,0.0,0.0,0.10051629613556293,0.048473127373678204,0.0,0.1801716930642968,0.13233544728094584,0.0,0.07170685445085984,0.0,0.0,0.05136102605246012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924003775847818,0.060047030061909035,0.06068144371801065,0.0,0.0680179608963714,0.07012781888904566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292339191346991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121764428221674,0.0,0.0,0.1461473400361579
suicidewatch,zushicat,2019/03/21,"I don’t have respect for people who put up with me I’m worthless broken trash. I’m ignorant and blind to my faults, I can’t fix them. Im judge mental, a narcissist too and Probably borderline. And adhd. Every hates me and doesn’t know how to tell me I’m a selfish piece of shit
I’m so angry I’ll toss myself over my balcony. It’d be satisfying like punching a wall when my ribs puncture my lungs . I deserve it , the impact especially 
I’m so lazy. I think I’m so openmindee but really I just am to dumb to know how much I don’t know
It’d take so much work and time to get better and be a respectable person, you couldn’t do it in 200 lifetimes. The world will be dead then anyway, you fat worthless trash. Selfish bitch 

Feel misunderstood eternally, then I feel like a sissy deep 13 year old, then I feel blind hopeless and worthless, and then I am devastated. 

Fuck this why am I being tortured and trialed. I’m sorry I’m not openmind enough and selfless enough to be worthy of love and happiness. I don’t deserve it. I will die for everyone’s sins of ignorance if everyone can just be happy again. I want to be happy again 

Im Shakespeare and this is deep. Stupid pseudo wise fake piece of shit, me. Die ",0.4683467741935488,2.8813961572580666,2.563145161290321,90.48971774193552,89.44354838709677,5.358064516129033,21.056451612903224,6.9077264865688965,0.6546306451612902,949,33,196,14,32,318,134,248,0.333,0.521,0.147,-0.9959,0,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,0,2,1,2,13,29,8,0,7,0,24,9,5,2,0,31,45,25,3,3,5,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,8,13,1,2,7,0,0,1,7,19,0,0,0,5,25,10,17,33,6,19,1,4,2,2,7,7,5,1,13,117,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589127746493373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694522559834915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744642915842364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732544541916161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140808349881952,0.25269970005295306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005758725218469,0.0944639559821134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222429741156988,0.06908385266103878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222785956102996,0.0,0.13054811522169293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856586058742181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800772078063851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920018036514366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193412437673977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325507117130952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944060957078601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875140471949154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916704852184698,0.11545669043897802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256452010815002,0.0,0.0,0.13292600828928697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470886361190652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714609916346037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801880636678907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994192593074849,0.0,0.11557340160009832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472658423404329,0.0,0.0,0.07710341123487012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799170371147406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931551442475567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626380988360254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515071880754324
suicidewatch,tombradyth3goat,2019/03/21,"I am so close. I am very close to ending my life. I’m going to the gun shop tomorrow. The shortest story I can give you is that I have become completely engulfed in my bipolar disorder and depression and I feel totally hopeless. I was with the woman of my dreams who I wanted to marry more than I’ve wanted anything else in my life, and she left because she couldn’t handle my ups and downs and the difficulties of being with someone in my mental state. All I can think about is what it would be like if I was normal like other people. I spend every day fighting back tears and thinking about ending my life. ",4.803360655737702,5.489277491803278,5.832909836065571,80.40543032786887,69.1639344262295,8.067213114754097,27.54508196721311,8.07648339933343,1.7820131147540987,482,15,91,6,8,160,79,122,0.149,0.79,0.061,-0.8748,0,0,0,1,2,1,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,13,4,0,0,2,21,21,8,0,6,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,20,2,15,15,3,15,0,2,0,0,7,8,0,1,7,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987636506118974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493897751965608,0.0,0.11843163943158155,0.21456763877239465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369949369771226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252949028437272,0.0,0.1673335804412423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226623784483702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622964965726007,0.0,0.34414985992517905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368976943789773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823409964757833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186371637122184,0.11041413184725976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108642060701305,0.0,0.4116783615010217,0.18983135757406025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957891311961527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903537205123514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468969322886282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646133065135406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24897430425105774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030182671173845,0.2291834415899506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801135114420698,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2Legit2Cwithe,2019/03/21,"My goals and dreams are lost... I’ve officially given up on my goals and dreams. It’s like they were not intended for me. I had the potential at one point but I feel like I blew it all away from all the pressure and stress. I’m afraid that I will live a boring and unproductive way. For the past couple of years, I’ve tried to have the time of my life but I feel like i made a big mistake. I have become more miserable since then. I’ve lost count of having suicidal thoughts daily. Toxicity and fake love from my parents destroy me each and every day. It’s like I’m not mean to be loved by anyone. ",1.3748933333333326,3.3259404560000014,3.104499999999998,91.35808333333335,80.44,6.406666666666666,20.016666666666666,7.492282038375204,0.4224266666666661,467,12,106,7,12,155,79,125,0.23,0.598,0.171,-0.9009,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,4,0,16,1,4,6,0,8,3,0,2,2,20,20,9,1,1,4,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,10,0,1,7,2,14,6,14,11,4,12,0,3,0,2,4,6,0,0,9,62,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288696734592927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512086922434294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409966769569192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446162837918654,0.0,0.11334280949854175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807512463136654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772676445590402,0.2511085661997153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413588806156865,0.3434460446519826,0.0,0.15518855155394007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836990291408375,0.0,0.3172385519890387,0.16629684380874524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914409064157212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909127632039156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514716411324115,0.0,0.16777118765370186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613850372907915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453804190565269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131854263983467,0.0,0.0,0.1922395982855577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952414383192807,0.1024799715563537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932123849901652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950044510124182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317583880716355
suicidewatch,SuperMengeleBros,2019/03/21,"I have lost all my important friendships I am sorry if this is long.😏

Ever since I was a teenager I have struggled with finding friends. (I am 27, or 28 in a month.) 😕 Happily, I found a few close friends through my current education (social work), not to mention a distant close friend (300 km away) I have had since I was 16—they are all wonderful people 🙂 But in the middle of my education, severe anxiety problems came to me; not the first time, but now I had more people around my life who weren't used to it. And neither was I used to having real-life friends I can confide in.   


But apparantly I took this too far 😏 I hurt them all in different ways; but ultimately, it was because of my incessant need to reach out when I am anxious. One of them told me to never speak to her again. Two others just stopped answering when I write to them. The first mentioned hurts the most; we wrote our bachelor thesis together. We couldn't finish it the first semester (in July), so we had to finish it in the second instead (in January).  I feel I am mostly to blame, but I honestly do not know. All I know is that I took all the blame; she thinks I am thoroughly selfish. It is a messy story, and the more I think about it, the less I know the truth of it all. 😏  


Now they are gone from my life; I am all alone. (There is one exception; a distant friend in Canada who I chat regularly with; there are also childhood friends who make me feel even more alone; bad acquantainces.) I worry about my education, friendships, my mental health. I recently started taking antidepressants, but I stopped taking them two weeks ago because I feel strange on them. But I am seeing a counselor on monday, so I will tell her this then.   


But right now? I think I want to die; I am so tired of struggling. All I have wanted are friends; I feel like crying whenever I walk outside and I see groups of people walking together, laughing. Why must it be so difficult? A little more than a year ago I thought my social life was finally puzzling itself together, but now I think it is hopeless. My thought right now is that I want to jump from a building, but perhaps the only thing that keeps me from suicide is that the tallest building I can access (and second tallest in my city) is only 8 floors tall. But it hurts so much, and I keep thinking that maybe I am lucky and I will go unconscious immediately.",4.101224438273164,5.357988120171676,5.024392830093415,83.45185559202224,71.23175965665237,8.05746023731381,30.014895228477656,8.4952907291091,2.1952930573087603,1848,76,368,30,34,603,220,466,0.183,0.706,0.111,-0.9905,2,2,0,0,0,3,68.0,4,0,6,5,24,23,0,2,22,0,43,5,0,3,12,83,81,28,2,8,18,0,4,1,7,3,5,1,0,0,24,16,0,4,18,1,0,8,7,11,0,9,19,7,73,12,42,57,18,65,0,5,2,0,34,26,0,7,31,276,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685445214648584,0.0,0.0,0.1598980112514578,0.0,0.061731475051061475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059052683234627174,0.08720648636832823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871842622916093,0.0,0.0,0.07252567098808457,0.0,0.06445320298674716,0.09411267030455564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828860060473764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479324408127056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011448531271051,0.08065059608842136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050985463909415656,0.06982578292445935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612506045123736,0.055146927641673685,0.0,0.08456151564212804,0.07055330164675594,0.19698181142459806,0.0,0.08463849779210811,0.4174756062024752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043870746184798165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820528959988239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479111566544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722595024262907,0.0,0.0,0.12727029985376126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357178746076545,0.037712759982425854,0.07736799223938721,0.0,0.06831366453045404,0.0,0.0,0.08426563424913616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152714463622336,0.0,0.07755107162862934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779271671791653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161497648369325,0.0,0.05674597671482039,0.0572378732439114,0.05953625196193061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461639118709833,0.11741800603754812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054839846567384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386358796077866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786290495425607,0.0,0.0,0.07621909692320097,0.0,0.0,0.13184535754849347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302617341189022,0.0,0.0,0.08720648636832823,0.0,0.12771023420762262,0.0,0.0,0.15737774969638588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641160873954755,0.054637833576847886,0.0,0.0,0.12907415433729227,0.0,0.161398449967257,0.0,0.08443696984902052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607954890766585,0.0,0.06747036950844544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128381586042896,0.247311832407573,0.0,0.12256575680570365,0.045012049263538204,0.08872237283840842,0.0,0.07376153120525426,0.1715292513771966,0.0,0.0,0.15081332608331596,0.0,0.0,0.13334049824376745,0.0,0.0,0.13659187136017995,0.06127246926224675,0.06191983002601738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696549702169679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371286938736926,0.05619766082174292,0.07839356978151438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970997117255213
suicidewatch,pelouzek5,2019/03/21,"Life isn't worth living if you're ugly. Life isn't worth living if you're an ugly brown man. I'm thinking of walking to the nearest bridge and jumping in front of traffic. I get treated like trash by women, been rejected for over a year with no positive results. I wish I was at least white, so I can benefit from my race, but I'm not.
Failing my classes and can't pay my rent, what a joke.",2.794497991967873,3.667037867469884,4.448373493975903,87.808624497992,73.93975903614458,6.979116465863456,28.29116465863454,7.1686216300943375,1.4122706827309237,305,12,66,3,6,103,62,83,0.128,0.682,0.19,0.7286,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,0,10,11,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,3,5,2,0,0,2,2,7,4,10,9,1,8,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,2,2,37,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738535094841136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066651519025372,0.17522344374095924,0.0,0.6334077298227706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298152188942732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124419689112155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23096565568729044
suicidewatch,memelard666,2019/03/21,Bleach Does bleach actually work for ending my life if i drink it enuff?,5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,69.0,8.457142857142857,21.142857142857142,8.841846274778883,1.205085714285714,58,1,11,1,1,19,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.4604766993189312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129363006651717,0.0,0.0,0.4622526032396371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179364415241963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332954806290008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34352671688510605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vortex250,2019/03/21,2 yearss ago this month a kid in my distrect hung himself and it gave an idea in my head that i should too But now i feel halfway better and i have been seeking help,1.5783333333333331,2.9663846111111134,2.5288888888888903,98.305,77.8888888888889,4.800000000000002,23.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.24332222222222244,130,4,31,0,3,41,31,36,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873298423740318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864467979916481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093506680544897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484367964647552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928783982538069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932634042871923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487693495534029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tearscloud,2019/03/21,"Suicidal again I thought i had my life together after i was in a hospital for 3 months,but now it feels so hard to succes for small things and everything falls apart. I hate my life ",3.0674774774774782,4.683971783783786,4.209189189189189,86.8518018018018,74.4054054054054,9.257657657657658,25.84684684684685,9.725611199111238,2.2919981981981983,144,5,31,4,3,47,31,37,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.8769,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,5,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33718704413776546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897019725266324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33608704080977875,0.3704119741195459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5300005972362714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103853587178299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24925251588176706,0.0,0.0,0.2978505278148282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ButstheSlackGordsman,2019/03/21,"How to help someone who's suicidal? Hi, so im not a regular here; i just typed in suicide on reddit and this sub popped up. So hopefully thus is a good sub to ask this. As the title suggests, im not suicidal but my father recently seems to be. He recently got out of the military after serving since 1991. Hes seen combat, has killed, and as a result suffers from PTSD. To make matters worse, the military is all he knows and the civilian world doesnt value his skills (sure being an airborne ranger is huge in the military but it has very little applications in the civilian world). He went from being the cream of the crop to just another person which further hurts him. There is also alot of family and financial issues i wont go into.

Im military as well with about 7 years in and can relate to some of what hes going through but im not the least bit suicidal. Recently, on my last leave, he kept casually mentioning his plans to commit suicide. Hed always say it in a joking manner but my dad's never done this before so it was a huge shock. He also insisted on giving ne stuff that has great sentimental value to him, for example he gave me the family sword he has kapt for decades. True its meant to be passed on father to son but the family tradition is its to be given when the son has a baby of his own to pass it on to. Im not even dating yet, so getting this sword is very alarming. 

He goes to therapy appointed by the military but its the VA and if youve seen the news, they aren't very effective. Ive tried helping, i fixed his tv, washer, and fridge which he liked very much. But i can only help with the physical things, i have no idea how to help through mental issues. If anybody on here who is suicidal can tell me what they would most like to hear from their family, it would be greatly appreciated.",4.4975813008130086,5.04529995392954,5.979691734417348,79.57571646341466,69.78590785907859,9.618834688346883,28.11212737127371,9.725611199111238,2.4735590785907857,1429,47,288,32,24,487,197,369,0.156,0.7040000000000001,0.14,-0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,3,37.0,0,0,3,3,18,16,1,1,24,0,33,0,0,6,5,50,51,28,7,5,15,5,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,1,21,11,0,1,5,3,0,5,9,5,1,0,10,5,23,11,50,31,8,35,0,2,3,0,42,20,0,7,12,192,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511503925493522,0.06509052297739534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202706446864971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313100241187856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656479388913067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540282610085416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005263349759145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166771337620851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949790605044673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086999725505803,0.07504176596406559,0.08891558360648534,0.0656124836154078,0.06256469399557676,0.1724894770441259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816669127916008,0.0,0.20973367859970032,0.0,0.0,0.07769633651862894,0.0,0.0,0.08374283964243376,0.08830793677220211,0.4224889749289878,0.1632958035158231,0.0,0.0,0.08654577725182927,0.0,0.042991112040817576,0.06376485053759304,0.0,0.08283032464485804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643480804095942,0.07840327303129951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052216642470662586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883368085615525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575053090693344,0.0,0.060332921699564813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949460312779065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830416138589689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144232312863433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23171701216358734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062208669448692314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121425797389777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647095786749264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628086447436016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955036335083702,0.5134010545749786,0.0,0.07372733343504498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837320769195666,0.0,0.08945855690432837,0.0,0.05197005765059965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311050222822368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581794601252148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033481106970471,0.07251653573982147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971925189518753,0.11113939516621116,0.0,0.0,0.050375152946459625
suicidewatch,DammitPantera,2019/03/21,"Is three floors a high enough height to kill me? I got evicted today. I begged the cop for one bullet to the heart but he refused. All my possessions for one damned bullet and the fucker refused.

So I’m done.

Peace",0.5551937984496114,3.0431794418604667,1.4747674418604682,97.25385658914728,91.7906976744186,3.7968992248062015,16.468992248062015,5.46131890053228,-0.6818496124031008,168,4,35,1,6,52,34,43,0.318,0.59,0.092,-0.9128,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,5,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,4,0,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336760474370011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34002496346782674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631932905667485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899583508497968,0.0,0.34768838296848303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640754304844228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459827798744036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119269351078634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressedStrawberry,2019/03/21,My suicidality made me go crazy I keep on internally laughing I can't stop it when I'm very down I can barely close my eyes and I keep on laughing internally I am very fucked up I think I might be crazy but I am extremely afraid to get diagnosed as I keep having flashbacks of the day that I was held captive in a hospital it was so horrible but at the same time I really deserved it I can't do this longer help me,0.4311235955056176,2.610411494382024,3.26077528089888,87.53633146067419,85.74157303370788,7.1555056179775285,22.38314606741573,8.238735603445708,1.3822934831460665,329,12,74,8,10,116,60,89,0.14400000000000002,0.75,0.106,-0.6473,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,11,3,1,1,0,13,21,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,16,2,9,15,1,12,0,0,1,1,1,7,1,1,4,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509356761204931,0.0,0.0,0.2375444738841703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636511607406125,0.12227562285667115,0.0,0.13300965374791993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15687128643998988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6240733648608223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214531884997957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482782011470429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993125977567515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566693148882225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560004809545148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996262455956774,0.0,0.0,0.13646991691930976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386213070906223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stddefh,2019/03/21,"Ethylene Glycol... Over the past year, I've been slowly poisoning myself with pure ethylene glycol... It originally started as a way to inflict self-harm and pain, as a sort of punishment for all the things I've done to hurt those around me, and it was only done every 3-4 months... but lately, I've been taking 30mL doses every few weeks to a month apart. I've read many scientific journals on the substance and what it can do to humans at toxic doses, and it's one of the most painful ways to go out, but it seems fitting for the amount of trouble I've caused others and continue to cause. Seeing as how I'm about 90mL in over the past 2 months, I think I'm fairly close to the end. Only hope that my death will bring those in my life whom I've hurt, some relief. Relief from emotional damage and the burden I've placed on each and every single one of them. Some of you might think there are other solutions, but I've tried them all; some of us are just born wrong, we are just born to be never ending drains on other humans. We are born sick. 

I'm afraid of what's on the other side, mostly because I know I must be deserving of hell. But regardless of how bad it is, if that's where I end up, it would be better for me to burn in an eternal lake of fire, than to spend another day emotionally burning another human being. ",7.02705982905983,5.33582931851852,7.500370370370373,78.28089743589746,65.07407407407408,10.381766381766383,29.65811965811966,9.057496981413335,2.162059829059829,1036,24,214,14,13,343,154,270,0.187,0.747,0.066,-0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,3,1,2,1,8,17,3,1,13,0,20,7,0,5,5,45,33,17,1,5,7,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,19,14,0,0,4,1,1,2,1,13,0,2,5,2,15,4,43,20,11,43,1,3,1,0,10,19,1,10,20,141,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725757757825586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071148458747388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944605124914598,0.06896423030160392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000560795111425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243549962415505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296079474035952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315466733502031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545165942469966,0.30060417527010624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859558225752633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429553499227783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236562412982767,0.0,0.0,0.24222033790666544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621744004023095,0.0,0.12761784802605794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799084925531944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469811310902335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001519679107599,0.0,0.0,0.27090270084772905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725438941026734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533223714044483,0.17208400067119572,0.2407608947230664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599463150603415,0.0,0.0,0.11819888362755955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316263671156185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015157394691373,0.10299114350470008,0.11802137168487342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007542716152319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506120077422832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515988817017914,0.1449808627150764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680921647177127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608389238211882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959786573583114,0.0907476836929942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036574221404001,0.12369210583526585,0.0,0.0728533127183839
suicidewatch,the-lonely-wolf,2019/03/21,"I have been forgotten The world has forgotten me. No one wants to talk to me. My parents too, they forgot. I am alone. There is nothing in life. All of the people I know, are liers. They ""cared"" about me only when I almost jumped under a train, but now they have again forgotten me. I need to go and this time it will work. Tell my friend that I lost 3 weeks ago, that I love him. Goodbye for now",-0.09829268292683224,2.102641121951219,1.4226341463414656,99.46809756097562,89.0,4.743414634146341,15.517073170731704,6.2581,-0.6783502439024387,300,6,71,3,10,96,62,82,0.131,0.752,0.117,0.5859,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,2,7,4,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,8,16,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,17,3,8,12,1,12,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,7,51,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279622822432598,0.0,0.25751475931715345,0.2663465820755671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621980369554113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868593547615568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615345379186734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133179477124486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816440624586725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28072723973272856,0.0,0.23210249772094635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190685447360764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24675786407977146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742624439396214,0.19558645124764876,0.0,0.0,0.2855525845131692,0.0,0.0,0.17828663347909976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670041624231575,0.22477455684785652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499556546041925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168326273041868,0.0,0.2062831796474822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722002560712608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crackheadedbitch,2019/03/21,can crisis hotline call 911 on me if i texted a suicide hotline would they be able to call 911? i want to talk to someone but i don’t want to go to the hospital,-0.5758333333333319,1.3278697500000014,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,87.61111111111109,4.711111111111111,22.88888888888889,5.985473137389443,0.2436888888888893,125,5,30,1,4,43,26,36,0.152,0.774,0.07400000000000001,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,19,5,0,0.3170165267401772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6474186367485454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016779779516828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686070743494388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467646263893845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548058758211495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739691221726864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22519944494772165,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mt678,2019/03/21,"Holding on too my sister is what’s keeping me alive I don’t care about anything anymore school, friends, relationships no one cares if I’m suicidal or depressed an I really don’t see the point in living but whenever I am about to try an kill myself all I can think about is my sister and her not seeing me again and how devasted she would be",4.0062857142857125,5.1012356285714295,5.210000000000001,82.64500000000002,71.28571428571428,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.1315142857142857,274,10,55,5,5,91,56,70,0.174,0.72,0.106,-0.7964,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,1,12,15,6,2,2,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,2,11,3,6,13,1,4,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,2,1,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274942706558261,0.0,0.0,0.18876927903232102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677589030550636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975741650474771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722694706253725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389329460872846,0.25378719662736904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025564893444287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554413041520095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168486768084933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695377294615242,0.0,0.0,0.24628012779708744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321559772330077,0.3655899161303482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509165640879853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698451485639552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574145729551042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629528119669058,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smllcns,2019/03/21,"I keep making stupid mistakes and I hate myself for it A few months ago I rolled my car, totalling it, and I had to spend all my savings on getting a new one so I could get to school (yes, the accident was completely my fault). I've been unemployed for a few months and I can't find work. A few weeks ago I accidentally stepped on my laptop screen, cracking it completely, which I can't afford to replace even though I need it for school (I'm studying computer science). And then, yesterday, I realised that I didn't pay a fee for university in time so I might end up with a $170 fine that I can't afford. On top of that, I realised that I didn't read my scholarship terms and conditions properly and by enrolling in 2 online units I'm not going to receive the $2500 for this semester that I  really need.

I just keep fucking up... I know these things will seem unimportant in a few years but I just can't get my shit together. I feel so exhausted and out of it all the time and I can't get the motivation to sort things out because there's too much to do. I wish I didn't make so many stupid mistakes. I'm on meds, I've been to therapy... I don't know what else to do to  fix things and I'm tired of trying and fucking up all the time.",2.834742891712036,3.7624835249042166,4.4608550110909455,87.54727767695101,73.90421455938697,8.253357531760434,26.763662028634805,8.6894789155246,1.7020681992337163,964,34,219,18,19,325,129,261,0.134,0.8240000000000001,0.042,-0.9619,4,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,3,10,12,6,0,12,1,18,5,1,3,4,40,41,17,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,17,13,0,2,6,1,4,4,10,10,0,1,7,2,31,2,31,31,10,31,0,0,1,2,1,13,3,3,14,142,48,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322925672703217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798719860947979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747556853257989,0.0,0.0,0.10461327532702176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945507112539743,0.0,0.11604978601326565,0.0,0.0,0.08654116924387263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625047731116754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975501937912801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422621010576324,0.2738218603709483,0.0,0.07446486467552688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936064796978625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329231367924355,0.0,0.0,0.14401647992496092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749212031311305,0.13283938724870253,0.0,0.0,0.14553989756144614,0.0,0.0,0.13899744965381444,0.0,0.0,0.20916675848261956,0.0,0.0963188877424183,0.1943076357748271,0.0,0.1265453353601409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878633360570343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106105159657416,0.0,0.083938350752992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652097929262188,0.0,0.11928077999158675,0.0,0.0,0.13449588956814693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983918597285922,0.0,0.26114274819980826,0.0,0.12873198105801315,0.0,0.2292062329912438,0.15059464590080396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895777772267772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051008283332262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506729670312087,0.0,0.0,0.09538819309215037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437618682836788
suicidewatch,ivana__tinkle,2019/03/21,"I feel weird My mind is messing with me today. I have really loud thoughts of images (if that makes sense) of me stabbing my legs/stomach with a knife. My mind is also deep with thoughts about how almost everyone deals with suicidal thoughts and I’ve semi convinced myself that me being upset to this point has to do with morbid curiosity and feeling sorry for myself. The part of me that wants to stab myself isn’t malicious. It’s just sad. I shouldn’t die because I have family/friends that would take my death personally as if I did it to anger/hurt them. So I know me wanting to stab or cut is to do death in a mild form, which is pain. I have self harmed when I was little I would pull my eyelashes/hair out, again when I was 14/15 when I was by myself I’d punch myself and try choking, once I was an adult I just got into self medicating like any late teenager or young adult with issues end up doing. Drugs, alcohol.  I’ll sometimes be really mean to myself when I’m by myself, especially if I look in the mirror too long I’ll start to see myself in my eyes and I call myself secretly mean and try to convince myself I’m fake. Not like this is a matrix, but like i convince myself that my interactions are fake and that people can see right through me. Which isn’t true because I am genuinely a nice person and I care for people deeply but i briefly believe it. Idk it’s all just fucked up. It sounds dumb saying self aware but that’s how I feel. There’s a whole part of me that doesn’t care and doesn’t agree with how I’m feeling. It’s not a happy side of me either. Just another side of me being mean to the sad part of me. I’m not psycho or have multiple personalities. I just think it’s different emotions acting at once. It’s strange when my personal thoughts come into play though and act on those emotions all at once. That’s when it feels more overwhelming. I feel like a therapist would look at me like a joke. I picture myself venting to one but I also picture myself being normal and having a regular conversation. Then i think about how they take on these jobs to help people like me and that sometimes causes them issues and they have to see someone for... it’s a cycle. I can’t look at someone that selfless and lay all my problems on them. Internalizing it is coming out all wrong when I am upset and it’s causing me to be more in my head than usual. I’ve also become really bad at sharing and opening up because I am worried everyone else’s load is already to big and won’t have room for mine. Then when I do let it out it comes off rude or hostile. It’s almost like “you wanted this well now you got it!” Kind of attitude. Idk idk idk. All I know is I want to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay down but the idea of someone looking at me all passed out mid day barely able to talk or even worse, OD, makes me think that person would look at me like I’m a sad sack of shit. I don’t want anyone looking at me like that. But I’d love to do it. I am really tired of feeling and then over thinking how I’m feeling. I don’t want to feel anything. But I don’t want to neglect anyone that depends on me in some way. Mental or physical. I hope I’m allowed to post here. I’m not about to hurt myself. I just feel like doing it but I have self control and fears holding me back. What should I do about these things? Does anyone have advice?",2.133668032786886,3.900492995689657,3.6606981345392917,89.13936122102886,77.3764367816092,6.288072357263991,22.616732617297917,7.135373973100315,0.6939745901639339,2639,78,559,30,61,873,278,696,0.153,0.7170000000000001,0.13,-0.9602,3,0,2,0,0,2,61.0,0,2,5,1,36,49,6,4,17,0,57,12,4,12,7,131,120,58,5,19,28,0,10,10,0,7,6,3,1,11,42,36,1,3,25,2,0,7,14,24,1,1,11,23,90,25,83,96,16,70,0,6,10,2,28,39,3,14,32,381,132,1,0.05409868036706166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052864604340095135,0.0,0.05781503685311025,0.10834402769884764,0.0,0.05969923903395919,0.12978808543267306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367889577723985,0.056727183315699564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348116550886178,0.0,0.0445186044357907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041598545890019344,0.045170138403107934,0.0989341602778907,0.059747742147964876,0.0,0.060950687166118324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055240801249841466,0.0,0.1103144202445265,0.11114849380864687,0.0,0.13980366873508962,0.0,0.0,0.06067627013582112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034889173364592435,0.05577336399335713,0.0,0.0,0.05614588914088544,0.056521606666409124,0.0,0.0,0.0473421197537893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273729403149778,0.0,0.04519250565563555,0.12170746785926988,0.0479153734661717,0.0,0.0,0.035731668165638185,0.0,0.0,0.10338721487748524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060876055741363164,0.27353918277056194,0.0772962161273126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179650625401291,0.05001335826482682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653531339608489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057589051211610974,0.0,0.0,0.055520853526269016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362612050988013,0.0,0.0,0.053732196235488416,0.0,0.0,0.11582751245692048,0.06107082522040641,0.0,0.1129299340495958,0.05368459270098765,0.0,0.0,0.056335450673067576,0.05946243985403914,0.0,0.06102566782670173,0.0,0.0,0.05531956597305484,0.0,0.2642988259745039,0.05422108996107276,0.0,0.04787562973865833,0.27257559844511164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882617118477305,0.0,0.07222257845630255,0.0,0.0,0.17678796747398642,0.0,0.05449872899998185,0.05451874566458065,0.0,0.10924849074102473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300522052228954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283998700298267,0.0366586659015734,0.0,0.0575648101511213,0.0,0.0,0.17575079687883394,0.0,0.1125156399222388,0.23618440506570795,0.0,0.0,0.0511407391856861,0.0,0.05181158153516798,0.0,0.0,0.051765130924906005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386279996760831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046199977443303036,0.0,0.04302144198992349,0.0,0.0,0.12932893221836836,0.0,0.2257468884265204,0.0,0.0555315179778624,0.0,0.0,0.05413774978703384,0.0,0.13751290895447407,0.0,0.10700995636539824,0.060559043546728836,0.03829132440818599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591751757504363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220264249165647,0.04348247005745323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628127375615836,0.035940759386797194,0.1386569998809624,0.05315167878663516,0.17179323732084115,0.0,0.06217847484456428,0.051279223395312136,0.0,0.0,0.07345890567718155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05958205342032522,0.0,0.2233616233027884,0.04294101438907471,0.0,0.0,0.04864121064031434,0.0,0.0,0.06039924465456931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493983592518766,0.05513117707360003,0.1537206014631726,0.05914841442826148,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinzus,2019/03/21,"Im Dying i woke up this morning and ive been so tired of things recently,no one cares and my anxiety is just becoming worse. i hate the fact that im a nobody and i intend on self harming my self by brutally shoving a dildo up my assss before i jump off an airplane yelling the planes going down. i am irational and im 18.  im mentally retarded like alot of people like me",0.2648194444444414,2.405581287500002,3.216666666666665,87.8327777777778,86.125,6.555555555555558,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.4737222222222224,293,12,62,6,9,104,57,80,0.266,0.644,0.09,-0.948,0,1,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,1,8,8,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,2,1,10,3,8,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299108480568761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755142281394785,0.14450321416080195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314149229705614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762450096850384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651188615952946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676608180889659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7337333897727003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592968730706298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113731752576586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507355259173475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773091109160015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543159004683626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282000486837088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518162538459224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305977313677592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chrowwaway,2019/03/21,"What a paradox Bit of background: 

Half a year ago some dangerous drug use and misfortune landed me in the hospital for about a month and I stayed in ICU with my organs failing I came out physically healthy. Because I was in the hospital for so long I had to suspend my university course unitl the next year and lost my job. I've been diagnosed GAD, major depression, hypomania. 

This led me to become more depressed than I've ever been with suicide on my mind every single day. I haven't seen the people who I've called friends in months and only speaking to my family. For the past few months I've been researching and planning my suicide, realising that it's not actually that easy to go. I've gathered almost a gram of heroin, half a gram of diazepam, over five grams of propranolol and am now waiting to receive my prescriotion grade antiemetics that will hopefully stop me from throwing up my poison. I've been pretty obsessed with planning this and it would be extremely embarrassing if I failed. And that's really likely with an OD. 

Well with planning everything carefully and doing/ getting drugs got me feeling like I'm not as useless as I thought and now I'm anxious about going through with everything cause I know how bad I'll kill my family if I even attempt, and if I fail, I don't know how I'll live with myself. Reading /r/suicideberievement puts things into perspective in terms of family and friends.

Having said that, now that I don't feel as depressed, I'm still weak, dumb and useless, unemployed with no skills, no social skills or confidece, no spine and not much hope for the future. I've neglected the already unfulfilling relationships I've had and my health and I'm already as good as dead. I'm not interested in living, I don't have any will to do anything but drugs and and waste my life on the internet, just going dumber and dumber each day. 

Basically all motivation I have is just do do drugs eat and sleep leeching off the good will of my family and giving them fuck all in return.

I'm just frightened of failing to die and equally frightened to live. Sick of myself and just wish there was a bridge tall enough near where I live. If I had a gun in my drawer I would've already gone. 

I don't feel all too depressed now probably because I planned a half decent suicide and have been on drugs most days, oxycodone, kratom, heroin, xanax.

It's so hard to pray not to fail when my body is already going against death.",5.76677419354839,6.720007634819537,6.118923361413604,78.25431271830698,67.1316348195329,9.134744195603039,32.17868639134306,9.285337120503966,2.8410088487089933,1960,80,361,36,31,630,236,471,0.245,0.682,0.073,-0.998,3,0,5,1,0,4,43.0,0,0,1,14,22,33,5,2,18,0,31,17,3,6,4,78,62,40,8,8,15,0,4,2,2,4,12,2,0,0,14,36,1,3,7,1,0,10,13,22,1,4,17,7,40,11,58,40,15,54,1,13,1,1,12,20,2,10,25,235,54,11,0.0,0.0,0.07101444328760527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645075046388874,0.0,0.07287010099989648,0.0,0.321220443464672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948708526892099,0.0,0.0,0.08221103129220274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988470745480715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076112578651693,0.0887216078253848,0.0803703553820213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944758190776367,0.0808326820561828,0.0,0.0,0.0743077925362003,0.08323115870537989,0.0741953489795282,0.07475633075350964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079470594987614,0.0,0.2507117924091904,0.07386149563880087,0.07552528181428922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219589256218938,0.07446336652477414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519236670354859,0.0,0.04806486012061991,0.06582594786309504,0.06131308997663041,0.0,0.1308045839819764,0.0,0.2744098075024879,0.0,0.11038630351453324,0.05198794244352248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112446092206894,0.06727603810764919,0.038020082036358094,0.0698090112485599,0.16543078101679354,0.12207448873064347,0.058201980867446275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518893047518022,0.0,0.0,0.07735265438953705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455695066126634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221444089438966,0.0,0.08051083366803254,0.0,0.0799865777541181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140063122010448,0.0711049147866265,0.0,0.2570341142297201,0.06440044824965993,0.0,0.0,0.07943864020450897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347842537765835,0.0,0.174256444814485,0.0,0.053495393080106944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739326863819689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055345971215088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946858866204579,0.05045056455406097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403473218771757,0.07845993732545234,0.0,0.0,0.0731554125205083,0.0,0.0,0.07279114862082481,0.0,0.04661925789711635,0.0,0.0,0.07812930939115299,0.0,0.0,0.0692223188011558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282401030638884,0.0741813346907469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756468915284262,0.05811537846998645,0.060840195397962815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238800483526797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834612155657833,0.0,0.0,0.05777240712088659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285117271745444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543027811314503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368358259530427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338950833101956,0.0,0.0,0.0937248630415041
suicidewatch,douchebagmgee69,2019/03/21,"Friend told me he tried to kill himself recently So my friend has been really withdrawn recently. I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me about a month ago but it was only yesterday that I followed up with the question of was he okay. He told me he's been in a shit mood recently, and that he tried to kill himself a couple days ago. He also told me not to tell anyone. I'm not sure what to do. I'm worried that if I do tell someone and he founds out he might try to kill himself again. If I don't tell someone and just let it go, he might also try to kill himself again and then I'll be left with the guilt of not doing anything to help. What should I do in this situation? ",0.8499706457925669,2.6664511986301385,2.7826223091976523,93.68698630136987,81.53424657534245,5.815264187866927,21.38747553816047,6.868970318607317,0.3527667318982393,529,16,122,6,14,177,75,146,0.212,0.727,0.061,-0.9835,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,5,1,5,1,15,1,1,0,1,24,25,12,4,5,8,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,8,0,15,4,19,12,0,20,0,0,0,0,26,6,1,6,11,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621865480354456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701823804157316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738859812252773,0.0,0.09107852493958077,0.0,0.10346894562201192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246304985723708,0.0,0.07137812352117931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135266278062905,0.17101902386603174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290083125972948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418509889935568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897950267302648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025191976502897,0.11317570559496293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482363566506986,0.0,0.0,0.08834208614887777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417557058991806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398463719040735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090313075757401,0.0,0.327843378875318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136093282612732,0.0,0.12440665638735407,0.0,0.0,0.1875541408130234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431266087510276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902122277295282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172725812497358,0.0,0.30057225995946296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528072424151078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123988336989703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnluckyWriting,2019/03/21,Losing all hope... Just need someone to give me some meaning please....,2.3724999999999987,5.237324583333336,1.5,94.995,94.83333333333334,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.1626333333333334,53,2,9,0,2,15,12,12,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673976950982541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380394232302473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284664322766575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41718701187926815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839812958507139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204066241597342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245051142407893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,midnightsonder,2019/03/21,"I’m not ready At the beginning of this year, I decided to plan my suicide. I’ve attempted multiple times and failed, but over the last few years I never am able to bring myself to, because I don’t come up with a solid plan. So this year, I did. And today was going to be the day I did it. 
But I’m not ready. I slacked, my plan isn’t done. I don’t know what to do. I’m getting evicted from my current house, and I’m supposed to be out by tomorrow. That wasn’t originally planned, but from there my plan was just to get everything out of the room I’ve been staying in and then do it, no one will miss me! I can just throw away most of my stuff and my renters can throw away the rest. 
But that didn’t go to plan. I sunk into a deep depressive state, all I’ve been doing over the last 2 weeks I’d think about killing myself and how and where I’m going to do it. I haven’t gotten anything done. I’m supposed to be out by tomorrow, but my room is a mess, most of my belongings are still scattered about, I need to vacuum and shampoo the carpet, etc. 
A lot of people have told me that if I was REALLY suicidal, I wouldn’t care. I would just kill myself and leave the mess for someone else to deal with. But my number one concern in leaving this life is making it as easy as possible for other people. I don’t want to leave a mess for people to clean up. I’ve done enough harm already. 
So I’m stuck. I’m supposed to kill myself tonight. I WANT to kill myself tonight. But it feels like I don’t have the time to. I have so much more to do, not because I want to live, but because I don’t want my death to leave more of an impact than it has to. 
I’m not ready. I need to clean. ",1.991313131313131,2.8452336776859504,3.6638016528925625,92.74095500459136,75.85950413223141,6.920477502295682,23.36179981634527,7.2427474758485975,0.6129111111111123,1287,36,310,14,27,431,155,363,0.206,0.716,0.077,-0.9952,3,0,0,0,0,6,42.0,0,0,0,8,12,13,4,0,15,0,40,1,0,3,2,52,72,25,7,9,16,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,6,0,15,16,0,0,4,0,0,7,16,11,0,2,15,1,38,2,55,51,11,46,0,3,0,0,2,17,0,4,21,211,53,1,0.09531404176412048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518141522049952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843533508918718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791013595675656,0.0,0.0,0.1743076655593704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717901792640922,0.0,0.0,0.08210460729775805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146967180391912,0.09826459183327893,0.08209384450640342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926180711595161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962265146321637,0.0,0.0,0.09848488419172267,0.10630035169607427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566211485269985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819364338245653,0.06809237048093372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099595305759509,0.0,0.16250749934251224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997960708758543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218034610473848,0.0,0.05238210467602411,0.15538733086689935,0.0,0.40369523186807055,0.0,0.0,0.06732312646909322,0.046565626307734885,0.0,0.08416404511191343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103258984546664,0.0,0.0,0.06362286300321432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006678767083384,0.1413483084965149,0.07351206493277926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291745228923145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823626620649665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745226089111004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061060615809621514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075927828098291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159208658375914,0.07611791687499363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109111774135218,0.20851618318994494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107338935012323,0.0,0.0,0.11115676849575666,0.0,0.09034656681400884,0.09107665149914222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487476533658893,0.0,0.07645517504880632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677083605757755,0.0,0.0,0.1841373537074472
suicidewatch,kriegerwaves,2019/03/21,"Hung on a feeling I write this ,not knowing if anyone in particular cares.
My first attempt on releasing myself from life I went in to my shed and picked out the sturdiest rafter and rope we had lying around I threw it  over and my end seemed close the air was quiet and I was looking for peace as I stood on the chair waiting to jump I could hear the cars in the distance ,
I didn’t know I thought to myself why am I doing this ,will I be found ,Who will find me.

I fell from the chair and all my weight was released I hung there waiting.
Well felt like minutes was actually seconds and the weight of me broke the line . I can still remember my fiancé’s face as I walked in the door as a failure again thinking to myself can’t I do anything right?",1.9924675324675327,3.8834217532467576,3.0285714285714285,92.94142857142859,78.22077922077922,5.698701298701298,23.33766233766233,6.5431188927421005,0.4747194805194801,586,19,128,5,14,187,98,154,0.064,0.851,0.085,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,11,0,15,4,1,1,1,28,31,10,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,4,10,2,2,10,0,0,6,3,1,1,2,12,7,26,3,21,15,1,23,0,1,1,0,4,13,0,2,5,92,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.19077475314182635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669453028049813,0.0,0.16087558745469074,0.17403184558216436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993200077414627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608671381143174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315039301375992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884805976692246,0.0,0.1877056940209068,0.0,0.1786787324924163,0.16628780211982086,0.0,0.21434999004403668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203368809987364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487769134373724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808377955785503,0.0955088988774547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641664201645453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145753240498064,0.1669515162431626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797115052129592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612242338440704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526519302018765,0.0,0.15520105765329434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761200714795469,0.1757733297222784,0.18122566554249708,0.1764036763648338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonegone_gone,2019/03/21,"What happens if you commit suicide overseas? I tried google but most of the results are simply pertaining to assisted suicide, which isn't what I'm looking for.

Are the authorities alerted? Is your family in your home country informed? Is your death reported, and is there any way to ensure that it isn't? What is the process that follows after a successful attempt? 

Just curious. :) thanks in advance! ",4.368345070422535,7.5317844788732415,4.823362676056341,76.28884683098593,77.45070422535211,7.493661971830987,35.63556338028169,8.472884824447931,3.776787323943664,322,19,48,7,8,102,53,71,0.152,0.613,0.235,0.7847,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,4,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,8,13,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,7,13,1,6,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,1,37,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091767102326742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289975356585612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27200727428702703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085451693016871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25830425950631475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6729230367163824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831942644996915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883837375754166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415641724701576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThirtyFourFord,2019/03/21,"I am not okay... I (33F) am not okay. I feel like the world is crumbling around me and I don’t k ow how to stop it. I can’t help but feel like this is the end. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I am sad all the time. I cry all the time. I am angry for no reason.  

It’s hard. I isolate myself and hide. My friends and family don’t know how bad it’s gotten. I put on my happy face and pretend life is great. They have know idea that I don’t want to do this anymore. 

I don’t want this life anymore. I don’t want this sadness. I don’t want this loneliness. I am slowly killing myself. Every night I take more pills. I want to die in my sleep. I mix pills to make that happen. Every night I add more to the cocktail. I feel the end is near soon. I’m not scared.

I want my children to know I tried. I love them so very much. I want my daughter to know that she is beautiful and smart and her imagination will take her very far. I want her to know that no matter what she will always be my first true love. I want my son to know that I love him the mostest. He is my baby boy. My buddy. Don’t let anyone still the warmth and kindness in your heart. I want my sister to know I am sorry. I love you very much and I am sorry that I couldn’t handle it anymore. It’s my own fault. 

Why would anyone want to live this life? Living your life as a lie? It’s hard. So much pain. I am so broken. I hate this. I hope one day people will understand that it is no ones fault. I am sorry. I love you all so very much. ",-1.8081280916428,0.08762759880239912,0.7022181723509497,102.9604269721427,96.36526946107784,3.503150221296538,12.94949231970841,5.0125366715268616,-1.5020903931267895,1134,19,293,5,46,381,139,334,0.22,0.551,0.229,0.5113,0,0,0,0,0,3,47.0,0,4,2,1,9,25,2,1,9,2,34,15,3,4,4,53,71,16,2,15,4,3,6,2,1,4,7,0,0,2,23,10,1,1,15,2,0,1,16,9,0,3,1,6,64,16,19,63,10,20,0,2,0,5,25,7,0,1,13,185,87,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887364106386561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806788987338434,0.09894676798565492,0.0,0.0,0.06298675086559206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907728191384176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772079823571276,0.045630976646711084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343228598235095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533545950230124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192278995713381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670130510215498,0.0,0.14310296125996802,0.10109445116759468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018397569175379,0.0,0.0,0.054664963851695336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800738951134573,0.0,0.0,0.06256821409190318,0.07531977394483526,0.1267647619589906,0.0698556921636858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384474935502388,0.04742543441067085,0.0,0.0,0.0702754566861235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987352896861312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782796756339928,0.07368021039597138,0.2721948186027871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235155148687046,0.19990476093603654,0.06913441846137378,0.0,0.12495552568574485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192947356187273,0.0,0.04722936190642674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805160386192526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279712704469693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589053372940644,0.0,0.075288069460079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049052452308810085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112809173717588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274769315929466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083787330641629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080587351332013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376125343771289,0.0,0.0,0.05650485492095439,0.05915416030715229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639757091140724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825153568988204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048037847936664366,0.0,0.0,0.0736582163476764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23352039851873904,0.5007959957021099,0.05616184723833288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384517947159575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026216229160545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slowdive2mydreamz,2019/03/21,"I don't want to kill myself today Everyday i have suicidal thoughts; sometimes in the forefront of my psyche, sometimes in the back.

I have strong avoidant personality tendenies that make these thoughts worse. And then i finally looked at it. 

my discoveries are that I am depressed for quite a few reasons.

1) my mom doesn't love me and is a cruel person. This I knew, but after seeing her yesterday without seeing her for a few months, I never quite noticed the damaged she really caused.

2) I have bad SAD ( seasonal depression) but spring is coming so that's nice

3) I've wasted 10 years of my life staring at screens and ""numbing out"" ( phone, tv, computer) and am diligantly monitoring how much time I spend on them. 

4) I've never had real friends in my 20 years of existence, the only person I can trust is my current bf. I currently have 0 friends and it's been so for 2 years. I need to find real friends, offline. 

5) I try to look for meaning in others validation, material items, future success and it takes me away from finding happiness in the moment.

6) Social media fucked me up severely and even though i deleted all platforms ( except reddit) months ago the social conditioning it caused is hard to undo. 

7) I have trouble feeling positive emotions. simple things like reading is hard and I can't concentrate. But simple things make me the happiest, oddly. 

yeah. ",3.652304687500002,6.230275433593754,4.905162500000003,78.13358750000002,75.9140625,7.689750000000001,29.77125,8.608573733854374,2.7584951875,1085,50,184,23,25,358,161,256,0.207,0.655,0.138,-0.9509,2,1,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,1,4,6,21,3,1,10,1,19,4,0,6,3,37,36,16,2,3,5,1,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,12,10,0,1,8,2,1,1,6,11,0,0,5,9,31,10,26,31,5,35,0,4,6,2,16,12,1,0,23,123,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926852912856678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823667167252964,0.08039945730710177,0.08730244138095923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148218980140129,0.0,0.0900683654148262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011311736735067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761486076914265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906026803893697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286819857868614,0.0,0.0,0.11453933117877665,0.19113015942793574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234619371359675,0.0966631591697654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130505562588217,0.1873287470509551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156790998496489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385315094068322,0.05108227155688295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560654041518214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943686271154316,0.0,0.1395879588810215,0.0,0.0,0.11389546068038825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245829855225375,0.16691607626584104,0.0,0.07686293428690481,0.07752921254626913,0.16128477425760224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904117425398555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952187101756558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738907947679917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242284546779065,0.1045873476381902,0.23802218520953775,0.06698320640217564,0.1075041202285118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664005503068208,0.0,0.0,0.1181219677441918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131695731298428,0.0,0.0,0.20682315292898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143706327852422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861539492555117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892877686366048,0.0,0.10272873818005647,0.16601641660916422,0.060969224339012425,0.0,0.09910975597591536,0.0,0.0,0.07098873319314755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167163818059649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079119538611107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065546072004084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199780506951312
suicidewatch,cometninja,2019/03/21,"At what point do you ask for help First off just to get it out there I'm bi-polar 

And if you guessed it I'm not going through the high right now.

Suicide is on my mind but the thing is it's always there. I've never really been scared of death or ending it all. With the whole underlying and constant thoughts of suicide I always wonder when do I let others know.

The problem I'm having is I don't want everyone to either pity me and try to avoid upsetting me more but walking on egg shells or the other way of people telling me to get over it and I'm exaggerating it. 

At what point do I say anything or is it best to say nothing at all",2.6441605839416056,3.541769364963507,4.309204379562043,88.56891605839418,74.32846715328465,6.93985401459854,24.64890510948905,7.1686216300943375,0.8447640875912401,501,15,113,5,10,169,84,137,0.2,0.7290000000000001,0.071,-0.9636,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,2,0,2,5,6,0,3,5,0,11,1,0,0,3,26,24,11,3,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,12,6,1,1,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,2,2,10,1,20,21,6,22,0,1,0,0,7,13,0,6,6,82,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728026906070669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489889244232772,0.0,0.15325068314231188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720324703941499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714808385855968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451916764567433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664036369092882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943719297342475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129137555332366,0.0,0.09316414024346747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805853287096428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987757744085497,0.17319908122306746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009061919042992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762763062167932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552069172806244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643148817180844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729347243510386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136471324765011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099301589644933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156857091937228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501656473065736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999373670733556,0.0,0.2607244745995126,0.16412066661470415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586215592327188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143280420640338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890657279717628,0.0,0.0,0.13014063298574638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129644719849367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668906478069003,0.13011852808169347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830199151908763,0.0,0.0,0.17777307618465862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TaurineLine719,2019/03/21,"This can't be a good enough reason not to do it I want to die. The only reason I'm still here is cause I don't wanna hurt my family. But is that really a good enough reason to keep living this life? As sad as it would make them, I feel like it can't be worth the pain of living. I've thought before about just disappearing somewhere where nobody can find me, but first telling my family that, then just killing myself. They'd think I just left and am living somewhere else alone, so as long as they didnt find out maybe they wouldnt get hurt. I don't want this to influence anyone else's decisions, I'm just sort've thinking out loud, trying to find some sort of compromise. I dont know what else to do. ",5.5401530612244905,4.788441340136053,5.864685374149662,85.74355867346941,67.57142857142857,9.254761904761905,25.85799319727891,8.472884824447931,1.3309054421768702,555,11,124,7,8,178,87,147,0.139,0.792,0.069,-0.8775,0,1,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,4,1,9,8,1,0,4,0,17,2,0,6,0,33,29,9,2,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,12,0,1,1,8,5,0,1,2,2,14,3,16,22,3,9,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248802745628102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430947682739115,0.12354426443858488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260121495516847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386466936349586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513875368438393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131406353239162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021770918666862,0.0,0.0,0.2491742852148084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273364659139618,0.0,0.060966800846023975,0.08613945115749337,0.0,0.0,0.33061258030672314,0.10256180383172936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299593416555413,0.0,0.0,0.20226669811010045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25815800182362025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107173405155693,0.13339937490179818,0.0,0.06626536446591351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310060743938937,0.0,0.08516632808191058,0.05890729702348019,0.0,0.3194122014814304,0.10670588228316104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048535337303066,0.0,0.12113470382559367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170340967860556,0.12830126494770994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724401274372017,0.3719163389883888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962920740833892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538865622060208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545203435213224,0.0,0.09572380070333956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186312519153957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223758644654447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565366395056052,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,geo_metro,2019/03/21,"I feel like I'll be lonely forever It's been a while since I seriously considered killing myself, but considering how the past few weeks have gone, it's likely that I will very soon. I'm a 16 year old male who has dealt with depression, social anxiety, and loneliness for a long time. The depression and anxiety have been getting better recently due to medication and therapy, but my loneliness has gotten worse. It's making my depression come back, and it seems like everyone in the world has such an easier time making friends and forming relationships than I do. The people who used to be my friends and now exclude me are basically family with people they've known for half as long as me. Everyone in school who wants a boyfriend/girlfriend has one except me. I did ask out the girl I like, but she politely rejected me. I apologize if I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, it's just tough to constantly see how happy everyone is with each other. At this point I highly doubt I'll ever have a girlfriend, and that's something that's impossible for me to accept. I don't want to get to the point where I think suicide is the only option, so support would be appreciated.",6.956776718856361,7.083375446902658,7.741327433628321,70.52501361470391,64.44247787610621,11.732607215793054,34.198774676650785,11.362043627235082,4.064495302927162,945,38,170,27,13,317,133,226,0.213,0.608,0.17800000000000002,-0.8194,0,3,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,1,10,20,1,1,13,0,20,1,0,5,1,36,39,17,2,4,6,0,2,5,3,2,1,1,0,2,13,13,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,9,0,2,5,4,22,11,21,29,3,27,0,5,1,0,13,9,0,4,21,116,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132679010118088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079521434436464,0.0,0.0,0.0911304626294866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481659102643597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208989069643562,0.0,0.12807225076821616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062295243230921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720330042996053,0.0,0.3397375264030529,0.0,0.0,0.11172507950739924,0.0,0.11984915212699235,0.08466690102358655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312827382450872,0.0,0.12383804287611515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616106565798196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521725146593232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111891844735002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895013968416807,0.0,0.0,0.20976349982506146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821891958479187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939105755326332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243612055850508,0.0,0.08030860482052816,0.0901357439181743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313565884795886,0.16432629394106588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240693332659817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170189348939758,0.12724039833752118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199431691212308,0.09444084460385883,0.10789130076673596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803655635735499,0.0,0.0,0.1208107770158842,0.0,0.09123837993868583,0.0,0.13266746557448136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963580882312253,0.13448903843955054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553184915106106,0.0,0.0,0.07593941251802551,0.0,0.0,0.1382137095516035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235861951001468,0.0,0.09778701125543182,0.1398060411539527,0.0,0.09506531631779236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207765695778983,0.08418941832761828,0.0,0.0,0.07631955920553032
suicidewatch,FaboulousMike,2019/03/21,"30th hour without sleep, going to make it 50 i'm so fucking tired but i feel like this is a form of self-harm i can actually pull nowadays. like pulling a one all-nighter seems like a fun thing when you're my age and so on, but what nobody realizes is that after some time it becomes pure self-harm. i don't really know why i'm doing it, but it makes me feel easier, just as easy as when i used to stab myself with scissors. sounds edgy, but depriving myself of what makes me feel best actually makes me feel better... except i'm shaking, paranoid, slowly turning delusional. okay, honestly, i don't know what the fuck i am doing",5.925129358830148,5.3933344488189014,6.630596175478065,79.8388976377953,66.71653543307087,9.776827896512936,30.74128233970753,9.23628265651192,2.4108479190101235,493,16,101,8,7,163,84,127,0.14,0.632,0.228,0.9345,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,2,1,4,1,8,4,1,5,1,24,27,11,0,0,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,8,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,0,5,12,8,11,27,3,11,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,2,9,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.3069898611598392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737173671852188,0.0,0.0,0.16506892544848956,0.1391125611607712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181275472148831,0.11236989613567992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908290291653391,0.0,0.0,0.08939303426316733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490156992019685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288784691263778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23053572175864576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199762444473941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760849087939446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658556618211557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076569530545353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431933153868958,0.3281810633997844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740623863316985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044982432951153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171860549445447,0.18078475532749447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108922869877993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585034179682196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193214569400098,0.0,0.0,0.15162449559027708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rockysworld,2019/03/21,"I'm done The last 2 months I've been feeling like crap. Just got diagnosed with celiac disease, coughing up black crap every morning and my family thinks I'm just suffering from anxiety. Doctor's have been no help either. It's amazing they will lock you away if you are suicidal, but God forbid you are medically sick then you are on your own. 

I'm done, it's been 2 months straight of being in pain, unable to eat, and just feeling like I have the flu, and my family could care less. My mom hangs the phone up on me, my wife always just compares her own illnesses like it's a completion where I just want someone to understand and be empathic with what's going on. I'm done. I can't keep going on like this.",4.086666666666666,5.010611000000001,5.185722222222221,83.53150000000002,70.94444444444444,8.815555555555557,26.9,9.120678840339163,2.020596666666667,560,18,115,11,10,185,90,144,0.188,0.633,0.179,-0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,5,1,0,6,11,2,0,4,0,16,11,2,0,0,22,30,7,1,3,8,2,2,4,0,1,8,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,4,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,7,3,15,6,14,19,4,17,0,1,1,0,11,10,2,1,8,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794642721115318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763130212093675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444691188989102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677566188427974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122173010183616,0.0,0.0,0.12277040396702214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607022577292398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738699735031506,0.0,0.4720709548647063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734198617051132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955529417226494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899156065066189,0.0,0.15549838846120434,0.21970229128065505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747786117772505,0.0,0.12298148332704426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030667507925966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366751375859411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534059391059882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30049107477005005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490403325123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009000297442818,0.2454706379769635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361888486891146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028624466431324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819609485013892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852765795732384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007682633740875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069573589283776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kjack495,2019/03/21,"2 years ago, my little brother took his own life by jumping in front of a train, Did it hurt? I probably shouldn't be asking this but I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. I've always assumed it was instant but I recently spoke to an officer who was on the scene that night and he mentioned to me that they tried to resuscitate him. That got me thinking that maybe he survived for a little bit, or maybe that's just standard procedure. Now, if he did survive than it's probably safe to say he was in a great deal of pain, but even if it was almost instantaneous, did he suffer? ",3.783632119514472,5.1844434789915965,4.638935574229695,85.3539402427638,72.19327731092437,7.641830065359478,29.188608776844074,8.167268648758528,1.9343269841269843,470,19,95,7,9,152,81,119,0.08900000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.128,0.7104,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,16,17,7,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,13,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,10,2,9,2,13,5,2,14,0,2,0,0,15,5,0,5,6,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572215556485534,0.0,0.17760337659324674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758018447221236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581041805933766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363440718995864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285341572712807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714655717186825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185335528063406,0.1955432809360582,0.0,0.0,0.1568414728717589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18987070862757136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252766983776759,0.0,0.3555285460282049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563698493524994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644311573473275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887266861484251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824545212669499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751245180619611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104613840938401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671646687001194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828336981839038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272940363228739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970567659128005,0.12041780212727896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421592613776105
suicidewatch,kdlw0602,2019/03/21,"It’s all too much. This life has been nothing but constant uphill struggles, and I haven’t been coping at all for the past few years. 

I was abused by my real dad, sexually assaulted by a grown man when I was 11, and then again when I was 17. My family are so disappointed in me and my laziness even though they have no idea what I’m going through mentally - my mum refuses to believe I have any mental problems even though I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD (and have failed to be treated for them all by multiple doctors/therapists/counsellors). She tells me I don’t know what a hard life is; that I don’t know what it’s like to truly be sad and that I never will. 

I’m only 19 and at university, ironically studying psychology in an attempt to figure out why this system has been failing me for all these years, and as I learn about the diagnosis and support methods, I realise more and more that you can’t help people like me unless you are one of those people. 

I’m alone 95% of the time, and dabble in a lot of drugs to cope with what’s happening to me. I’ve built up a fair tolerance to MDMA, but I’m questioning how much it would take to kill me with this information in mind. I don’t know when I’ll try, but I know I will eventually.",8.432051644853201,5.628581649805452,8.949055535903785,72.51546162009198,63.241245136186784,12.61393703572692,36.98231340643793,11.022393298168332,3.745057587548637,992,35,207,21,11,336,144,257,0.201,0.716,0.083,-0.9885,0,1,2,0,1,1,27.0,0,2,2,3,12,13,2,1,8,0,25,4,0,1,5,40,37,24,1,2,4,2,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,15,15,0,1,9,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,7,1,28,4,32,25,10,22,0,5,0,0,13,8,0,2,13,147,43,3,0.0,0.1614075136874967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109078274816475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926394875342523,0.0,0.10421379522788793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348193495620202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721371627971774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173326931732206,0.13826821820902765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798084861007308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17995418343121322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842332400090034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742132463705424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046567931730895,0.0,0.1220332351220404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131053612635028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378445855177286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071573384108874,0.0,0.2994686606613997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244326511822435,0.13310791757494395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581589409700445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27457090198767603,0.0,0.13755111328177216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200286025069124,0.0,0.10506717782738106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071412413470546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923113952784784,0.10360728223513384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300447261827593,0.1888862284252219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035148292851784,0.15924285704158705,0.0,0.15260616837144164,0.0,0.0,0.15505691330992802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241473963306206,0.0,0.0,0.15458954636007305,0.0,0.0,0.10242625463727978,0.0,0.1190689886853447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676859896299284,0.0,0.07943545030968803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248964619849574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229242839644449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096772228715389,0.0,0.0,0.17545230708578036
suicidewatch,xyzyzxyz,2019/03/21,"i really need help i am currently dating a guy (internet relationship) with bad anger issues and depression (has lived in an abusive family, looking forward to moving out) and im really scared because i think we’re not going to last for much longer. he says that he doesnt enjoy doing things with me and talking to me about stuff because i never know what to say. so my first question is, how do you make a depressed person feel like you’re there for them, even if you dont understand them and cant give them advice (i am struggling with depression and anxiety myself but its not the same and our problems are different) . i really really love him and i want to stay with him but im not sure if im good enough for him. he tells me that he cant stand the way he treats me, but i think that all the fault is in me, since i make him mad all the time and he feels like he cant talk to me about his problems. how to handle problems in a mature way, even if you havent gone through them yourself and dont know what to do to help? please help me i really really need help and i want to stay with him so badly. ",4.436623376623377,4.398197489177488,5.556688311688311,84.61217532467533,69.77922077922078,9.1974025974026,26.023809523809533,9.04235418022936,1.6859212121212122,864,22,190,15,14,288,115,231,0.181,0.6709999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.69,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,4,1,9,20,2,2,8,0,16,1,0,4,4,49,34,20,0,10,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,8,16,0,0,8,0,0,4,11,13,0,1,1,5,34,7,25,33,5,19,0,3,1,1,36,5,0,4,9,124,42,0,0.0,0.11232899802410573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264282353485208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252593718098264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583172413133942,0.11558508844252395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244967478127482,0.0,0.0,0.09905155439385313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222264668282996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795940998654534,0.0,0.12523625854376927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937417458691517,0.0,0.0958730044634444,0.1354581160680928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064149783233675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094606079649177,0.053880142401654466,0.07951834351490533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387233628843997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25418447500468183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072185802621336,0.09895229598856728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420523129067252,0.07727912448713065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263434315218587,0.0,0.0837149809222902,0.0,0.07961273074198431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556565243263617,0.0,0.12656679596265386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076322778908413,0.06969294055852993,0.14059413296318354,0.0731198352600886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278049342588542,0.0,0.104067953909874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721481385928377,0.0,0.0,0.10620384140636144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644089312110924,0.0,0.0,0.10178561183993706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078625512248311,0.09491683028626204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842407758771758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210006728897584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911127828793873,0.10852959928412534,0.0,0.0,0.08935304843648896,0.0,0.0,0.15240211671599846,0.08286417335356322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298455216195112,0.12149505450948095,0.0,0.0,0.0552818412044724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986958542645564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183746375916699,0.15050436367069694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sneeky420,2019/03/21,"I stood on the at the top of a bridge wanting to jump, I called the police telling them I had an Axe which I did and said I'll hurt them if they come near me, I know it's a cry for help but wtf do I do... I want to die but I can't do it. I walked in to every place in my village asking if there's any jobs as I've been out of work and on disability due to a car accident but I'm fine to work, I even turned to selling drugs because I needed money but I stopped that because I want a job. I lose my temper and just smash shit up because I hate my life, I hate my past. If I don't go to sleep stoned or drunk I wake up crying with regret about my past and I'm only 28. I take Xanax everyday at a medical dose as my doctor won't help me. I climbed over the railings of the railway tracks the other day and sat on the train bridge wondering what to do... I volunteered at the library to get out the house as I hate being inside these days and even they turned me down. No call backs for any jobs, even though I've had lots of jobs but I've been out of work for about 2 year now. I don't know what to do, if it wasn't for Xanax I'd hurt myself because I cut myself because the pain feels good, I've got scares on my arms. I'm ready to die and I know how to go, I can get fentynal and Xanax and just take a shit load and OD but part of me wants to prove to my family that I can look after myself. I've had my own place, I've had good jobs before, but I can't even remember when I had them so I don't even know how to do my CV anymore. Where can I volunteer? I live in a tiny village in the UK. I broke my knuckle just yesterday because my mum screamed at me over bullshit because she's got her own issues as she's just stopped smoking weed but still drinks and the alcohol makes her aggressive. I have no contact with my dad, never have and I don't want to end up a useless cunt like him. I don't even drive anymore as I was young, stupid and drove high and was speeding and flipped my car 3 times and can't afford a car or car insurance. I just want a job, I want to work, I can't do a CV because my head has been so fucked up from everything I can't remember the timescale of where I worked before. So wtf do I do? Because yesterday I sat at the side of the train tracks thinking shall I just fucking do it, but my only concern if for the person driving the train or throwing myself under a truck but I don't want to fuck their life up. I don't know man. I'm giving myself a week.",1.6331203605514304,2.389334286231886,3.427398373983741,94.46963414634148,76.60869565217392,6.6172499116295525,22.883704489218804,6.807656815369643,0.3621879992930364,1914,52,478,17,41,644,222,552,0.229,0.7040000000000001,0.067,-0.9987,7,0,3,0,0,5,41.0,0,0,6,8,27,26,13,1,31,0,43,22,6,3,2,74,90,46,3,15,24,2,1,1,0,2,11,2,0,2,11,22,3,2,11,2,2,14,17,22,0,0,19,4,84,4,68,68,4,69,0,6,1,3,24,33,6,10,23,303,95,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685116452158876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719088181742615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715524343375026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993205461762955,0.0,0.0,0.04929487158772787,0.0,0.3517151829849244,0.0,0.10910187831164328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092227844759727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522311537851917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083861756773852,0.08268833845089771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306736262830773,0.0,0.0,0.06561695730254098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280114939657318,0.07434459034266909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678040257315011,0.0,0.0,0.2540552256558148,0.0,0.054013510322570686,0.0,0.057615875744012925,0.0,0.060435043217523486,0.0,0.032414784219950546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779963365934762,0.06698726468747683,0.06149795665362364,0.0728677775131484,0.10754101056867854,0.10254558351490993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898792730563517,0.06579300517509525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594009289110956,0.06773331500222338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397168966969501,0.13725725817401138,0.0,0.0,0.06691179316824447,0.3817020590716752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615960330966324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056234243134588,0.031319788729265004,0.0,0.05660828212821864,0.0,0.05383433016634871,0.07172012898076525,0.0,0.05450208223063526,0.0,0.0,0.04279239399558228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458177299877818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753505439928403,0.0494438177966526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751360398499838,0.06821512299669807,0.0,0.0,0.06942240229973685,0.12239612559804115,0.0,0.055976379316332696,0.1339578239065897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524307596358696,0.0,0.060981112394492124,0.0,0.06418300103954654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316112854053926,0.0,0.0,0.06415400747074368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051196499737415885,0.10719383164044152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640203870707584,0.0,0.056032963895368194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107763178755466,0.06298549923803891,0.0,0.03738172103718308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946155821288195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024991049981909,0.0,0.05142333776341442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952207646310563,0.2333558807199589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041283263160471526
suicidewatch,WhoTheFIsAlice8,2019/03/21,"12 years later and I’ve just started cutting myself again... My Husband is downstairs. I have to go out to work in half an hour and I’m laid in bed sobbing. I can’t keep doing this. I’m so low and there is so much pain. I just want it to stop. Physical pain blocks the mental pain just for a while, it’s like it releases the pressure. I haven’t cut since I was a teenager. But I can’t keep going on. I’m not even getting through one day without wondering should I just die. I’m still here because I have people in my life I love who I don’t want to put through it. But it’s getting to be too much. Feeling like a failure. Feeling lost and hopeless and like I can’t talk to anyone. I don’t know what else to do. I need the pain to stop. I need to feel like I can make it through this and everything will be ok. But I can’t. I’ve tried. Everything I’ve learned over the years I’ve done. But it keeps coming back to my worthlessness. Maybe it would be easier for them. Not to have to watch me be so fucked up. If I’m not here I can hurt them anymore. I can’t let them down. I can’t fail. Again. ",-1.1067621469682756,0.9118474979253116,1.102516396734039,101.00477446125021,92.69294605809128,4.271503145495918,18.56257529112569,5.843745405466311,-0.4632461250167314,841,26,210,7,31,279,118,241,0.214,0.6759999999999999,0.11,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,3,3,16,21,3,1,8,1,28,7,0,1,0,40,55,15,1,7,13,1,3,4,0,3,5,0,1,0,12,8,0,6,6,0,0,4,13,15,0,2,3,4,27,6,26,44,2,26,0,7,1,2,7,9,2,2,17,136,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577623609196933,0.08162839759256332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976703652866055,0.0,0.07116455787563622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056249779630387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528863408241321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211592851050411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946712494635305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097522574869245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710668468881257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983953323984986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770840875787178,0.16680035583389202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792567053063423,0.1219852703227815,0.0,0.13269381246169099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149668989224656,0.0,0.12497423070068076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112957281887273,0.0,0.0,0.06415809610957451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937613186244365,0.08245800059229247,0.2281360740681829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743717899075627,0.0,0.1053637957414698,0.0,0.0779258829818432,0.0,0.11728256583037483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764801218071833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17163692544534515,0.1731247420762001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910708729528075,0.0,0.4968849083583882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093388316704397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735748969919385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965698064263668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263026130692534,0.0,0.0932299428732522,0.19520230585021248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383242597766626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925984103763009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771436730458958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253467648957877,0.12660121786310935,0.08498922988971247,0.0,0.0,0.08292983896140865,0.0,0.0,0.15035544561884792
suicidewatch,sadradnotadad,2019/03/21,"I'm going. I am a terrible person. Have a look at my post history if you want the full story. I literally cannot live like this any longer. I am going to kill myself today.
",-0.7994594594594595,1.336595540540543,3.2419459459459468,84.99967567567569,93.5945945945946,6.203243243243244,15.508108108108113,7.554174236665415,0.5082259459459461,133,3,28,3,5,50,31,37,0.266,0.6990000000000001,0.035,-0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,2,9,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462207875964991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115467396524948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005780653289612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768896675325132,0.0,0.3197154454586353,0.0,0.3040485632670628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161465491524185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467640614103097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432010999018689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355893623100333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wakawakadance,2019/03/21,"Cutting myself, the lesser of two evils? Veteran. Been through a lot. Things have been seemingly ok for the past couple of years, off the streets, after many years out there, back in touch with family, actually started seeing someone, an outside observer may think things are on the up. But then... this growing, nagging, increasingly persistent urge. I just dont have it in me to be dealing with any of this. 

So... cutting myself, as an alternative to killing myself, or from going back out into the streets again, for another decade or so, the cutting could be considered the better, more productive activity? Because my other alternatives are to kill myself, to get away from all of this, or start burning these people out of my life, as emotionally painful for them as possible, so that I may again peacefully drift back out into the streets. Thoughts?",8.129733333333334,8.922487706666672,7.666,69.78633333333336,61.93333333333333,10.933333333333335,38.66666666666667,10.746095033038511,4.452866666666667,676,33,109,16,9,213,99,150,0.14,0.7979999999999999,0.062,-0.9196,0,0,0,0,0,4,32.0,0,0,1,2,10,10,7,0,11,1,12,2,0,0,1,21,20,11,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,8,0,1,3,2,10,2,33,12,4,31,0,0,1,0,2,15,0,7,12,94,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1594288107820615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110994719981364,0.1713111894418536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349462876195336,0.37687203694627136,0.0,0.09959087033174237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449044086938712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044031640463802,0.18076949083857968,0.0,0.0,0.16843073754785162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147233513232453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837730155478862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154013843000484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535582600210219,0.0,0.0928488327981386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614967849507063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539541999477808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889416949129635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563492204553176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384075007041389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595833698567094,0.11326250179224348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841788910473504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018739819011302,0.14872895083780707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842569893107198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312729787115935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170759724039284,0.10468303812060024,0.0,0.12970018121521554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959201193269354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041414624490354
suicidewatch,Thr0wawayb0is,2019/03/21,"Intrusive thoughts making me dangerous Throwaway account bc I've worked hard on my image. I'm 18F, live in Texas, and just quit my job (too many anxiety attacks) so I'm broke.

About two weeks ago, I started a new medicine called Escitalopram or Lexapro for my depression and anxiety. And it was fine at first, I definitely had fewer anxiety attacks. But now I'm having insane urges that I can barely control.

I was babysitting my 4 month old niece, and had an overpowering urge to chuck her. And I almost did. I barely managed to stop. Later, I was driving home from work and nearly drove straight into a brick wall. I caught myself, swerved, hit a curb and lost a hubcap.

I went to my parents and asked for help. My dad said it might be a side effect of the medicine and that I should schedule an appointment with my doctor to get things figured out. If it ends up not being the medicine, I should look into an in-patient clinic (his nice way of saying psych ward) or just head to the ER.

My mom was less supportive. She doesn't understand what's wrong with me and so she lashes out. She makes me feel worse. She keeps telling me to go to the ER, but she knows I can't afford it (I've had to pay my own way since I was 16. I've never had help with my bills).

So I have no money, no real support, insane intrusive thoughts, and everyone around me just keeps telling me the same thing. Go to the ER. Is there anyone out there who's in a similar situation? I'd like to feel like I'm not alone.",2.3846555555555544,4.330563176666671,3.5720000000000027,89.24322222222223,77.23333333333333,6.5777777777777775,24.44444444444445,7.526774132740827,1.084511111111112,1163,40,244,16,27,377,175,300,0.108,0.8,0.092,-0.2148,4,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,7,12,13,3,0,15,0,21,3,1,4,1,52,49,19,0,3,10,3,3,2,0,3,2,2,1,0,10,20,0,5,8,0,4,6,7,7,3,2,17,6,38,6,31,26,3,36,0,3,1,0,19,15,0,5,15,151,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060666781113116,0.0,0.11364907208394236,0.11754682328067036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604706062108764,0.0,0.0,0.07935849923624724,0.0,0.0,0.10103481138839138,0.10610271333664964,0.258234403094075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158913128219386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272945439617257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775326978017693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161671705586197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052308094216966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084495498803976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477319040375653,0.08108101041699019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653897921477933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059296569988198614,0.0,0.12900390214024246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166942761146153,0.0,0.11647884278601665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521469120043843,0.0,0.1138449631053224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262649682233522,0.20175953905174435,0.0,0.0,0.06237400673383549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089606677119024,0.0,0.10021836176735653,0.0,0.09530740332120063,0.0,0.1238934435793554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151788611520878,0.1150663429502844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040049673773935,0.0,0.13292423417207316,0.0905908046696274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753451319862762,0.10961439418602066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909414521622733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602301455321469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071614070141475,0.0,0.12918241172296147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795994778793254,0.09025595717113924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388442178888934,0.12757338658943831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033250342052471,0.0,0.0,0.0948870889089894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575860695232109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839965586109712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080236690684473,0.0,0.0,0.18020505999720884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086834195584172,0.11815253039124765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017445145113295,0.09103902244526574,0.0,0.0,0.10521120933684107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652517490042326,0.0,0.11566132901623337,0.0,0.12408921022750352,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justanothersaadgirl,2019/03/21,"Suicide is NOT selfish. They say that suicide is selfish. But what they care about isn’t you, they care about how they are going to react if you suddenly died. Yet when you reach out, it’s like no one even takes your mental illness seriously. Because it’s invisible. I feel suicidal because I feel so fucking alone and uncared for. When I reach out, people think I’m overreacting. When I talk about suicide, they either laugh like it’s a joke or tell me I’m selfish if I were to suicide. If I really mattered to you, then why the fuck can’t you at least show it to me while I’m still here? Ask if I’m okay instead of brushing it off as me overreacting again and ignoring me. They don’t even know what shit I went through that has led to me feeling like death is the only option because life is just not worth living. Yet they’re just expecting me to live for them instead of for myself. They don’t want me to die just because. They ask, how you’re going to expect me to live knowing you killed yourself? But would you honestly rather see me live in constant suffering all the time rather than dying on my own terms in peace and happy to be dead? Just because you want me to not kill myself. Yet it’s people like you who don’t outwardly show support towards people like me suffering from mental illnesses, just because you don’t have it, just because it’s invisible. If I were to be crying because I fell down, they would rush over to ask if I’m okay, if I needed help, a bandage. But if I were to be crying due to emotional pain and mental suffering, they would start saying things like she’s just overreacting again, it’s just another one of those moods. It’s the feeling that the people around me don’t even understand nor try to understand how you feel and make you feel so alone in your struggles and feel like life is not worth living and there’s no way out. Because people stigmatise mental illness so much and never take it seriously, yet they think people are selfish for wanting to end their lives. But they don’t know that mental pain and added with the feelings of being misunderstood and a huge burden for being this way. If you expect me to live for my loved ones, to be alive but to be in pain, yet not feeling understood by them, tell me, which is more selfish, ending my own life on my own terms because I’m truly miserable and would rather just be dead than to suffer through life, or people who claim to care about you but judge you for your mental illness, never take you seriously, don’t know what pain you’ve went through and what made you contemplate suicide, yet they think that you’re selfish for not thinking of them while you decide to end your own life? When they never truly thought about why people choose to take their life? 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suicidewatch,asdf_teld,2019/03/21,"Banana Bridge I have no reason to not throw myself over the bridge. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and now everything I had dreamed of is coming to and end. I’m tired of being emotional, tired of being too much to handle, and tired of living. I’ve become cumbersome. I google the bridge, all I see are comments such as “selfish, stopped traffic for an hour” or griping about taxpayer money being wasted, could have spent it on people who are dying. It’s ironic, and it’s sad. I think back to when I was 4 or 5, saying I wanted to go to the beach, I wanted to go over the banana bridge. It’s so different now, would have been better if it had ended back then.",2.7434041141340413,4.227094846715333,4.168002654280027,87.36297942932985,74.98540145985402,6.4416721964167225,21.213669542136696,6.980632752743323,0.5195897810218977,522,12,106,5,11,173,83,137,0.171,0.7959999999999999,0.033,-0.9531,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,6,0,16,3,0,1,1,18,26,11,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,2,2,4,2,2,0,0,6,2,9,1,19,15,2,19,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,3,12,77,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25363909127570466,0.0,0.0,0.18215015332808648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586552142642276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14207097362140222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316816853274703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711693521476841,0.17231478463470098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855219388612017,0.29215472618266924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482267616901904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746490533831084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624209782182673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456345536079516,0.14595619824392564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124114675829213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434039361068228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695735784571352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311574625774685,0.0,0.0,0.13142636015150744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788729522936394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135856251925367,0.0,0.0,0.0961709144258472,0.5686818440065385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455775933737351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171602060579134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inss815,2019/03/21,Thinking of doing it b/c of boredom Is there anyone here who is just bored with their life? And can't find a way out? I don't think things will get better and I feel like there are to many people who are expecting so much from me and I fall wayy short. I'm useless ,0.2131609195402291,2.1234283620689682,1.8110344827586216,99.29574712643681,84.34482758620689,4.55632183908046,16.563218390804597,5.46131890053228,-0.849595402298851,207,4,50,1,6,67,47,58,0.13,0.7759999999999999,0.093,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,13,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,6,12,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23780280687076585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30078699112011065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719625943925349,0.24296442153824505,0.0,0.0,0.3108412899010436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768595571628226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402196364024284,0.16615357020934998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448036390969654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500094564963623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357795222704102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259444576090411,0.4358391581913753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699521204019311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bilibilal2009,2019/03/21,Anyone here? Hi...i just dont know what to write. I feel like i am suicidal...as almost everyday i feel like jumping infront of the train. I feel like other people are created stronger than me. I cant stop crying while i write this. Gf left me. Family hates me. Uni is a burden with almost £13k fees to pay and the studies. I even see my ex in uni sometimes which adds to the pain. Every day i dont want to wake up. I know nothing will make me feel better but someone on the other side of the world knowing what I'm going through might just give me the strength to give it one more day. I feel like i am done with this world. I feel so alone.,-0.1652463503649635,1.9455457372262792,1.7887910583941604,97.48858804744528,87.97810218978105,4.592883211678832,18.05155109489052,5.985473137389443,-0.3925470802919708,494,13,115,4,16,163,86,137,0.08800000000000001,0.753,0.159,0.8169,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,5,9,1,0,7,0,10,2,1,1,0,24,27,4,0,1,3,1,6,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,9,0,2,2,3,3,0,1,1,7,18,6,14,24,1,14,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,3,9,67,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680812094807074,0.13863771158827382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935974314075938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183875419307426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470379928501596,0.1726561582030147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369843873261016,0.31376385825476266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841270739198724,0.0,0.11278210879629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619049527723922,0.0,0.4060992553903909,0.38251601953159664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568197918127331,0.07607524082542283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215819958199101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069646753931108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454383602351672,0.0,0.0,0.26158728057819697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935202334455396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200340660806687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284414664751503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090706425647747,0.0,0.1424355754221609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280108150705313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066684132829144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341842503829402,0.0,0.13239012402535413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191224482693947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789535959775217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KindaCrazy71,2019/03/21,"I came close to hanging myself tonight.... First off, I have paranoid schizophrenia. I'm mid-40s. California. I've always supressed things. I've been through alot of emotional trauma and feel like I'm never good enough. I feel highly persecuted by my family. I just can't seem to let me guard down and live freely and unafraid.",2.8084999999999987,5.831577183333337,3.068333333333332,86.4225,85.5,5.666666666666668,25.83333333333333,7.1686216300943375,1.5398333333333336,261,11,46,4,8,80,47,60,0.161,0.7240000000000001,0.115,-0.4213,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,2,7,2,7,7,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287841547376068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31447467810618823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30928678380621577,0.0,0.2841014793371184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920261481938256,0.0,0.2780504945905634,0.19642753650950928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338761414883432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306187739403969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905045057346887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811595860517896,0.0,0.1343288711649701,0.0,0.24278984454855276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120618465253188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503082333734238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826675400255468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheNamesJax,2019/03/21,"I need help I have been really stressed out lately because of school, exams etc.
I’ve tried to talk to people about it but they don’t care. My friends, if you could call them that are constantly making fun of me because of what I like or do, and I feel like every time I’m not in war shot they talk about me negatively.
I also have a really bad habit of comparing myself to other people, and often deduct that they’re better than me. 
I’m sick and tired of just not being able to talk about things on my mind. I’m usually a quiet person because I’m shy and have trouble making conversation with people.
I’m alright at most of my subjects, but every time I have an assessment on them, I have a breakdown and stress out.
I have had some dark thoughts lately.
I don’t want to act on them, but every day I feel closer to the edge.",3.5434210526315795,4.404436280701756,4.872763157894738,85.50809210526317,72.15789473684211,7.571345029239764,23.606725146198826,7.793537801064563,1.0257286549707598,648,16,136,8,12,216,97,171,0.132,0.693,0.175,0.8011,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,5,1,6,12,1,2,5,1,14,2,0,2,0,28,27,11,1,4,8,0,2,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,3,23,7,24,22,3,16,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,5,9,91,29,2,0.13488138673721914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786459624245134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262032392629015,0.2466673242937181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929162554944095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772897650180554,0.0,0.1375205631517908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575886157242862,0.0,0.10769181191134032,0.0,0.0,0.08698733598678862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042840049636738,0.0,0.0,0.3409301571378465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640016373309916,0.09635928963564476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042090248054292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040815035235007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30430415851851594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179246487559487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006874603645345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13619175024340816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001283918980243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28052931123949104,0.11777322428132292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281694035832215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650716435162866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090123455816972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252376483297639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960919995807347,0.0,0.0,0.10708075467225027,0.1573008425877033,0.15502631220088753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157560774781418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855279159226256,0.0,0.0795565365538398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,happilyout,2019/03/21,"I love you. I know, the children I raised will be looking for things to know that I love them. I want them to always know without a doubt.

I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I'm not... any of the things most folks would suspect. 

I tried therapy, she recommended drugs & advised I have no children. Kinda thinking, one of us is crazy & I have stretch marks and a lifetime of school functions I tied myself into quite well. I'm fine with it. I can take other folks insanity. I'm just exhausted.

No pity party. No reasons. I'm just through. I am taking my chance at freedom and having a dream come true for me. Letting go of all the rest was just one final step, it was a very hard choice. I raised my children not to respect folks that do & that it is a selfish decision. I did that on purpose, because-I knew, I am being completely selfish to want it. I want freedom at any expense. It is my dream. My hope. My happy ending to finally have one decision that can be honored and final wishes nobody can touch or take. 

I just hope the children know, they were always my reason for sticking in this to begin with. I won't put any blame on anyone, it's not that at all. I prepared for this a very long time. I was never so sure it would have to be that way to get my wish? I finally clearly understand. Freedom is worth the price.",0.979659367396593,3.2344767956204414,2.7865985401459885,91.35152798053532,83.96350364963504,5.1131873479318735,23.366909975669106,6.42735559955562,0.6265823844282239,1038,39,216,10,30,344,138,274,0.098,0.633,0.269,0.9934,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,1,3,2,6,18,0,1,11,0,29,4,0,2,6,49,60,5,0,9,12,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,19,7,0,0,12,2,3,4,12,7,1,3,6,3,35,11,27,45,4,22,0,3,1,2,13,8,0,6,9,148,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668798450769452,0.3259558315523645,0.0,0.20457889102861374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011720786216627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863812321334171,0.10514032290260854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636990873502319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629147092182952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881717559179972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394017148814196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239148879313693,0.0,0.05699070363257591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674855487118183,0.08983003027612982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991987774591674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044223302826252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254177833257996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874350559050632,0.08420886324452573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101090760170768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734112560256569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385435388330106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080780392741764,0.0,0.10665875503368297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620643712113446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014874113783382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451150043647204,0.0,0.2261913374484237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467744791500525,0.0,0.13324144241987207,0.06425455033839025,0.0,0.0,0.058473324084059336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808266379179878,0.0,0.0,0.10439367695476844,0.12062294498129862,0.0,0.0,0.16548088084461912,0.17744094952285952,0.07959657494430393,0.0,0.0,0.09016260615162612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306311425377136,0.09666510106576312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247024143379286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emlgs,2019/03/21,"Oof I have SEVERE depression along with social anxiety and paranoid schizophrenia. 
I once lived in America happily  with friends and acquaintances.  no mental problems. 
 Now im in greece peole hate me. I've been hanging around with the wrong people and am very aggressive. I scream and cry randomly everyday. I've lost connections, friends, family and my sanity.
 My only friends are on reddit and youtube, nothing helps. 
 I want to be forgotten by everyone and die in peace. I don't  even move anymore, i have no hope, i have lost it, I  don't  feel emotional or connected with anyone. 
 There is nothing to live for.",3.4613929313929326,6.478231549549547,4.323783783783785,79.27116424116427,80.35135135135134,8.820790020790021,30.16008316008316,9.265573868473778,3.585603742203744,486,24,81,15,13,156,78,111,0.341,0.521,0.138,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,4,12,2,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,19,16,8,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,13,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,3,2,11,4,14,12,0,9,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,3,2,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103869793254578,0.0,0.15691280231367447,0.11063186234910223,0.0,0.0,0.14085031160572384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737984337865851,0.0,0.0,0.1362755897676499,0.0,0.16420850766863154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797742608679495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450353526804376,0.0,0.0,0.15118702835436346,0.0,0.0,0.1491567588268656,0.0,0.08000133523389537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366723656322126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621056608689987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605225897481317,0.0,0.0,0.1571492391089858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090592405500826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794242358563791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454340121837132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944964097161826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816397505676478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036347990601543,0.0,0.0,0.1685002931084752,0.0,0.12033426582965966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969057933253444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139621134364126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874479165250404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128647220923284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054896643202185,0.09332289605378144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298991988280404,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_lM_LONELY,2019/03/21,"Calm before the storm? Anyone else go from being scared, anxious, and unsure to just calming down and becoming capable of critically analyzing their situation?

Don't get me wrong, I think impulsivity is necessary at the moment of doing it, but I feel so free now that I understand that this is my only way out. It's just another plan, a goal that I have to work towards by planning, getting what I need, preparing myself, and doing it. I'm just glad I can finally see it as such a mundane thing; that's what it is, it all matters so little.",6.3842857142857135,6.3078911904761945,7.979761904761903,69.02107142857146,65.66666666666667,11.190476190476188,34.64285714285714,10.864195022040775,3.9035714285714285,425,18,77,11,6,149,77,105,0.047,0.78,0.173,0.926,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,7,6,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,14,18,7,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,10,5,11,17,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,60,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242151408125492,0.0,0.2608864267212463,0.0,0.16147240421911185,0.2366162163148287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504527191013204,0.19650536900533155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929133131875905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676570986569006,0.0,0.0,0.2529737473979881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413039513118202,0.0,0.1312434738100336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23145364385717745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123249480156685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756335182367518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120233122145425,0.0,0.1840221989856081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595762476007344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342037072734055,0.1479713331647954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040743374003135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330236921482554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681206012584147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524869208203705,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joepotatoes1399,2019/03/21,"Thinking of walking into my school, slashing my throat in front of everyone. Been extremely depressed since I was 13, I'm 19 now and feel often like someone took my heart and stabbed it. I've been diagnosed with a mood disorder, Autism, severe depression, and severe anxiety. I live a life of silenced pain, within the past 6 years I've lost my grandfather to cancer, my best friend to an illness, my aunt and family friend to a suicide. I was bullied badly throughout high school and went through some very bad at home problems. I've started seeing a therapist again, I'm studying for my G.E.D, and am in the process of getting a service dog, I don't get why I feel the way I do, things are finally heading in the right direction but I keep falling into a deep depression. Why do I want to slash my throat? So that people could physically see the silenced pain I've lived with for years, it would be incredible pain. How do I make these vicious mood swings stop? ",6.430117936117938,6.722147805405406,6.532334152334155,78.18400491400493,65.54054054054055,9.754299754299756,35.737100737100725,9.573946990214177,3.345162162162161,764,35,142,14,11,244,117,185,0.295,0.6559999999999999,0.049,-0.9922,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,5,17,1,0,12,0,13,11,4,2,0,24,29,9,1,4,1,1,2,1,2,1,7,0,1,0,5,10,0,2,3,0,0,5,1,11,0,0,7,4,17,4,20,19,2,24,0,4,2,0,3,10,0,2,9,81,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975714218802484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593132735288885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313061460657945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367847168791936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30316851626283753,0.1190874979145893,0.0,0.0,0.1344703649714635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211385972236827,0.0,0.0,0.11060829832942272,0.0,0.11865116437095766,0.0,0.0,0.1285292990492728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129776083437035,0.0,0.12260018297920333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204144475946384,0.0,0.0,0.139036635577263,0.0,0.12396560528038768,0.11769157398776207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428831048097116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287366117207617,0.05732151994848845,0.0,0.20720910995356487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280795740442964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831869771743864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37454223278238413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200477780570364,0.08134186085944152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226898091610736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019919380540422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23748848318087584,0.1869936662472362,0.0,0.0,0.26509904606977364,0.0,0.09705660287353332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941334301864507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304679023166046,0.0,0.0,0.098093148262381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283399956366496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622919344722387,0.0779488500774823,0.07518033759106509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035796649660653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968095521737096,0.06920428419649427,0.0931311065736298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087661016373052,0.2117441824286478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833478780200381,0.0,0.0,0.15111336881915174
suicidewatch,whoamilurk,2019/03/21,"Me, the biggest f up, rambling I hate myself. I've actually fucked up my life. Shit was already hard and I made it harder about 4 years ago now when I self harmed and left scars on my face. Not cool looking scars, like really awful red scars that are still red. I obviously have so type of body dysmorphia. Along with that I'm anxious, depersonalized, depressed, stupid, lonely, suicidal and just all round fucked. I am not smart and wish I knew more about things. But I don't have any hobbies and weird interested. Not even in a weird nerdy way, just really strange interested for a 24 year old man. I'm also gay which I don't have a problem with. I've just been sick for a very long time and I'm sick of the dread I feel everyday. I might quit my job. I work at a health studio but can't handle the social interaction part of the job. I was very fortunate to get it as the owner saw something in me and had just moved back into the country after living abroad for a few years.

​

I just don't know how to be happy. It's really fucking awful and sad. I can't believe things have turned out this way for me. I'm sick of being angry and pissed off because I'm fearful and anxious. I'm a grade A fuck up who sure knows how to push people away. I would love to be able to go off grid in an RV, adopt a dog and just not have any worries and no one around me, expecting things from me.

​

I go through life everyday just fucking miserable, feeling like I can't relate to anyone. I'm honestly trying my fucking best but I also can't seem to get my shit together. Maybe for a month or two then everything goes to shit again. My mental health is very poor and it feels like more than just depression and anxiety. I'm gonna quit my job and just get some driving job. I did that as my last job and it was bearable. Every time I try to push myself though I just fall flat on my face.

​

I'm sick of being angry and bitter. I'm sick of feeling dread as soon as I wake up and not joy. How fucked. Probably some trauma in childhood but it was not even that bad. But probably fucked me a little bit. Honestly if any of you met me you would probably hate me due to the vibe I give off. I try very hard not to be passive but I just am. I want healthy relationships but most importantly I want to be mentally sound and healthy.

​

I wanna fucking die and tried hanging myself in my closet with a belt this week.

​

I'm not editing this and I know this will be a shit show to read but whatevs.

​

TLDR; I hate myself and want to die. ",2.5276529554096108,4.1704897034220565,3.855922917386799,88.70988161078468,75.92015209125475,6.911095748358108,23.931731766332533,7.686295010490155,1.034085171102662,2008,63,430,28,44,659,242,526,0.278,0.605,0.116,-0.9986,5,2,1,0,0,2,75.0,0,2,0,4,31,47,19,4,21,3,34,29,9,4,3,87,83,45,3,10,29,0,7,3,0,5,9,1,2,2,19,29,0,0,9,2,1,8,16,33,0,2,11,14,54,14,60,60,10,55,0,5,5,11,12,22,14,7,26,267,73,10,0.04885181555584179,0.0,0.047672325023387835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330418694036967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390919324321937,0.07813355850066367,0.0,0.3175855304680897,0.35616181798811497,0.09966272933432432,0.0,0.037371505186919764,0.11037729292327904,0.0,0.03415832529793232,0.0,0.0,0.043488473031047095,0.0,0.0,0.045897888818144765,0.037564030719827717,0.040789225447428926,0.02977961333668241,0.0,0.0,0.05503926726563792,0.05126696650834692,0.0,0.053333530077679166,0.05426335422905576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415199430995995,0.0,0.10140094367992254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453232688437607,0.0,0.041159761567324885,0.0,0.043904861838339485,0.0,0.0,0.054971874113493135,0.09880378311142146,0.06979949358829532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40646444664336506,0.07656917203078956,0.046863112906829485,0.05552722514183231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052003666055012686,0.08752326252713825,0.1446931621163416,0.0,0.10385439104395322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423894449018686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054304073242677,0.039820749842977635,0.0,0.0,0.05307764053990529,0.0,0.06901096409382973,0.07159958844020098,0.04896235301938658,0.043137048142558976,0.0432323194899355,0.04102322142276385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044090670841367946,0.046224769066422325,0.0,0.0,0.04907821485613829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846228002128993,0.051824056316350564,0.0,0.0,0.038993053103166406,0.05192174877483622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126176266595758,0.0,0.0331032545155622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290175567230348,0.0,0.03386769788920368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801155907166448,0.046744589905139335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391983826494766,0.04886503555092093,0.0,0.09388717190190406,0.0,0.0,0.05244856762536868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04447285813616059,0.05096309780983183,0.0,0.20058274659447414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049798273904982336,0.0,0.03760851429865518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039013123007357965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053435957247580615,0.0,0.04604225802389137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973649266444798,0.0,0.04799666074939935,0.0,0.056971773013010873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266870418009666,0.0531367471727824,0.047721125351628126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612314560383078,0.08644219956519765,0.07755259464676527,0.039185979742806985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617717697860442,0.0,0.0,0.035564703546967995,0.04961139002051508,0.0,0.06940585628761657,0.0,0.35616181798811497,0.0943769026448232
suicidewatch,Critical_Percentage,2019/03/21,"I'm pregnant, alone and overwhelmed Throwaway for obvious reasons, yes, I'm probably a monster for feeling this way. I don't know if I can make it through this pregnancy alone and I've been swallowed whole by depression. I don't know where the line of pregnancy fatigue and gut wrenching depression ends, I just feel...dead. I'm exhausted emotionally, physically and everything on my body aches. I haven't eaten in two days and my stomach is screaming in pain. I haven't even been able to bring myself to shower as of late. I just need some fucking help. I need some fucking support. Just a hug, someone to tell me it's going to be okay, fucking anything. I used to be able to lull myself into a false sense of security by imagining myself being a strong single mom with two beautiful children, but the deeper I get into this the more I feel like a trapped animal gnawing off it's foot for release. The dad left. It's twins. I lost my fucking job because I've been so damn sick. Bills are eating me alive and I can't get enough to eat, I've been eating leftover canned food stored from the last time I had a hurricane warning. I can't even eat that without guilt because BPA. I feel constant guilt and shame, things were never supposed to be this way. I doubt myself in every way and this just confirms I'd be a piece of shit mother. I can't do this on my own and I'm losing my fucking mind. I have nothing that I need and three months to go, with no fucking job. What is the point?",3.0804040404040407,4.891531087542088,4.1408430976430965,86.53437575757576,74.8249158249158,6.772202020202021,28.041616161616158,7.554174236665415,1.6304269090909091,1171,48,232,15,25,380,160,297,0.183,0.7190000000000001,0.098,-0.9833,4,3,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,0,0,3,8,27,8,5,13,2,25,23,5,3,2,39,53,14,0,4,7,3,3,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,14,14,7,1,7,0,2,3,10,21,0,3,8,4,31,6,32,40,8,25,0,6,0,7,6,11,8,4,9,148,45,2,0.1816835281342107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816934226182971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475503160729953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075259242507443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090472106877883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816767482861824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858542267164706,0.0,0.156483756558514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718152132476403,0.0,0.10218475760832232,0.08045883969937627,0.09386382581552066,0.0,0.1200002568344831,0.0,0.07653810419969374,0.0,0.08164272003275329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372930160774525,0.06489737440058277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984622169623122,0.0,0.0,0.5038904824521262,0.09492214473903778,0.0,0.10325493593722082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088931959197692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029286744491607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984851562782132,0.07404816220342958,0.10247346665642673,0.0,0.09869984245832436,0.0,0.0,0.04438069732844552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162869756775382,0.09916451648044686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060637582912651276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172428563179892,0.1063927761582031,0.07250902939738071,0.0,0.0,0.202074051011837,0.07006276866566666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716512263831293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666204178798712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587482969643823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794278612945118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340046313542473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932477653836566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696993190139167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308615733974287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939970580747947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060351231535693835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297056315764428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747840733796294,0.0,0.0,0.0784581173180965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631789194119888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142158543450196,0.0,0.0875682188647792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuperSolarSmash,2019/03/21,"My sister's suicide this week. I’ve never posted here before, but I thought I’d share my story due to events that happened this week. I am Sophia’s younger brother (I have two older sisters, as well), and I am devastated by her suicide at her accommodation near the university she studied at. This is her Reddit account which she made this month: ([https://www.reddit.com/user/HumanZucchini](https://www.reddit.com/user/HumanZucchini)). I was not aware of how her thoughts had changed since I last met her in September 2018, and it’s unfortunate that I was not given the chance to contact her, as I have autism and depression too. I had no idea that she tried to run away before I contacted her on her birthday this month; she actually responded “Thank you, love you always!”, just two weeks ago from today.

​

We had our fights and arguments in the past, but we sincerely amended this last year, and we enjoyed our older sister’s wedding together (when we went abroad in August 2018). I genuinely believed she would come home for the Easter holidays in a few weeks, as I accepted that she didn’t want to come home for Christmas due to wanting to excel in her studies. This tragedy has brought the family closer together: I had a heart-to-heart with my father, who I thought didn’t understand my emotions or cared enough about them; I vowed to stop being so shy and reclusive around family; I promised that if I ever felt like this, I would get in-touch immediately; I contacted my old friends from school and have planned to meet them again. I have been taken aback by all the supportive comments I received, even from people I never really spoke to that I assumed didn’t care for me.

​

She was proud of me, because, last year, on the drive back home from the airport, she told me I had overcome so much, in regard to all my troubles and suicidal behaviour since 2015. I don’t want the same fate as her, because I feel responsible for this world, regardless of how much evil is committed every day, and I want to change it for the better in my life. Aside from the times that we fell-out, I tried to socialise with her, as she usually locked herself in her room and played music. I gave her documents that she requested me to print-out; I asked if she wanted to play Smash Bros. (I tried to teach her how to play, and I remember the time that I had a 300% handicap and still won); I asked if she wanted to get into the same cartoon shows as me (Steven Universe, Invader Zim, Star Vs. The Forces of Evil, etc.). I respected her decision to focus on her studies (I would have done the same), and I thought she would finally be able to spend this time with me during the summer, after finishing her undergraduate degree.

​

Whenever the funeral service is planned, I intend to sing ‘Love Like You’ (the credits theme from Steven Universe), in-front of all the attendees. She couldn’t get into the show from watching the first five episodes (she thought it was too goofy), but she liked the songs from the show, even from episodes she hadn’t seen before. I remember she was listening to ‘Stronger Than You’ and ‘Dear Old Dad’ whilst studying at home. Thank you for all the memories, and I won’t let you down. ",9.744963210288752,7.935895322203674,8.585427564459287,73.0235478884561,59.884808013355595,11.945860384591606,38.54578618685464,10.585719281625627,3.843778655784332,2554,98,476,46,27,788,286,599,0.11,0.7440000000000001,0.146,0.9516,1,0,0,0,1,2,118.0,7,6,2,7,19,32,3,0,27,0,38,3,0,5,8,82,79,34,4,15,11,7,2,3,1,5,1,3,5,0,24,28,0,1,14,9,3,7,12,5,1,4,34,7,104,27,75,36,12,72,0,1,2,2,80,23,0,5,44,328,128,5,0.06603051476601281,0.0,0.06443625739536205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058532067286787386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494267787957426,0.2146321054851516,0.24070290852211654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878115742383125,0.1234592356838672,0.0,0.062037842214298415,0.05077339003462965,0.0,0.08050317785656254,0.0,0.16856131406599004,0.07439377858413365,0.0,0.05839862439767224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464502101414166,0.0,0.1397030585772646,0.11375888345914427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258421945588445,0.0,0.05687198561250573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757214191069304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427544164745067,0.0,0.06822717282248925,0.07364147834240943,0.08722506450867022,0.05972838092417166,0.05563355656311556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449538551214855,0.0,0.03338701226067575,0.0,0.06339964914285319,0.0723332013801037,0.0,0.05616552212826639,0.0,0.0,0.0510150119124476,0.0,0.10349465596874484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583905661384613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649295584451656,0.0,0.0,0.2649359604376161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454041390894757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147104752912364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752067505249602,0.04663930533355058,0.09677752255362757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919023515948793,0.062479669622656185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540985383674896,0.0,0.09708005184284757,0.0,0.1018536072793254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385758354375671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303359785264127,0.04577724492158621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323898062569698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230083856707021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959940270063402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668264061441439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924224830991576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052732054387230935,0.05520446699511755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166799979034024,0.07493064565946962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158405303420808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621042652207088,0.1155087724901872,0.0,0.06258920725274128,0.06309498653447021,0.0,0.1344911555078954,0.0,0.12900443663468392,0.06874009456259463,0.0,0.0,0.07272328329390326,0.0,0.23367905040384346,0.0,0.211862784184174,0.0,0.059369362720676326,0.061210948719513276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762473272701924,0.0,0.24070290852211654,0.08504297322769404
suicidewatch,Inn_Progress,2019/03/21,"What is the point of life? I'm 18 and it's my last year in high school, but also I think my last year living in this shitty world. Earlier, when I was 12 years old I started getting interested in IT, programming. I was learning a lot, last year I started a freelancing a little bit, I created some websites for some companies and I kept following the dream of just being best, having a lot of money, becoming next Bill Gates, but... My motivation disappeared and now I don't see any reason to keep learning, trying to be better everyday, because what is the reason? There is no reason to be better in this shitty world where if you are not girl or guy with money or good looks you are no one for others, no one cares about you. I never had a girlfriend and I could say never had a lot of real friends, maybe 1 or 2, but I have really nice girl friend (not GF, but just friend and also classmate) and if not she I don't know how boring it would be in school wihout her, probably I would have attempted suicide earlier in my life. Yesterday I told her that I would like to commit suicide, she said if I will do this, she will also... :/ Or if I really would like to do that, she would like to do that with me, she actually has a lot more difficult life than mine. Also I think she likes me, I like her too tho, but I doesn't matter. I just really don't see any reason to live, life is so boring and pointless, my parents are working most time of the day, almost every day, when they are coming home from work they are going to watch TV or smth and sleep. I really don't get it, what is the reason of life where all the time you are working, it is just a torture to live on this world, I always hear from my parents that life is very difficult, that all people that have better lifes, have more money they are bad people. They, especially dad, are blaming people that achieved something in life. I don't think I should write that, but I think they are really stupid, yeah, I know, that sounds stupid, but I think everyone is smart until they become slaves of this cruel world, when they get used to work all the time to earn money that will be spent on useless things in their useless life. I personally just don't see anything that I can do in my life, now always when I come back from school I just turn on my pc and play all the time video games just to ... I don't know, I just don't know and don't want to do anything else, because there is no any reason....",5.154459908599918,4.944829198795183,5.892783547985044,83.40018072289158,68.2570281124498,8.957318930896,26.610164797119516,8.53829466247534,1.5843400360060933,1903,47,403,26,29,624,199,498,0.155,0.6890000000000001,0.157,-0.6849,3,1,1,0,0,3,70.0,0,4,8,12,28,29,4,0,16,1,59,11,1,9,7,89,92,38,2,12,27,3,0,5,5,9,10,4,2,4,26,14,0,2,18,5,6,5,19,11,0,2,8,9,66,18,42,69,15,55,0,2,5,0,39,21,0,17,34,287,92,14,0.0,0.0,0.057241844133543024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873761407293392,0.0,0.0,0.18763544572662916,0.09761647651771976,0.0,0.0,0.1196685585542574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654123672357773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045104458203729415,0.04897706340616291,0.07151486671309883,0.1295665259841048,0.0,0.0,0.06155805710400435,0.15563496813017047,0.06403945295935104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980584237659242,0.0,0.0,0.10105751853059863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683371985112023,0.0,0.0,0.0756592437604168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900131576367154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942197921025947,0.05605032835246727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359573078140951,0.0,0.09193930878493203,0.0,0.03333675004499537,0.04919963132218964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580807412805089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611194191730532,0.0,0.0,0.061975503274835475,0.05883885705717645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213801451718508,0.0,0.0,0.1289478310217461,0.14344254164282505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4143195080402022,0.1432869237903092,0.05879082630377784,0.1553885310783207,0.0,0.049258030636970866,0.0,0.0,0.1994760761766472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892994570265578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904814858589521,0.0,0.06238355488377554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155180866668145,0.0,0.07949649337904917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026575681439884,0.0,0.0,0.12199842253034407,0.05121799043083795,0.0,0.0,0.05545086453760014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324335297429531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667657597695975,0.1878894046497402,0.3618617781750102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579728573426382,0.04664727553768277,0.0,0.17809538662544636,0.14022873379273393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587004622461839,0.0,0.0,0.04515787120769962,0.0,0.0,0.08303701027919108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283248817586328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03896983524034753,0.18792871006597808,0.0,0.0,0.13681603946199164,0.0,0.0,0.05605032835246727,0.0,0.039824999527244234,0.06380316877634297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066176492762645,0.0,0.04839907572916367,0.034598067198975097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081518185592648,0.0,0.0,0.20834515652539168,0.0,0.0,0.15109557304931626
suicidewatch,gthizzle,2019/03/21,"Why not? Lately I’ve been thinking why not?
There’s 6 people that would care
My girl tells me she wishes I was dead
She says she cares but she continues to tell me the things she does
I’m drunk right now
I’ve got my beretta with me
I put one in the chamber and hold it to my head
Sometimes I wish I was dead
6 people care
The person I love most wouldn’t 
I consider it every now and then
I’m afraid to pull the trigger
I’m 24 I’m still young
But I feel like I should
I just want to know if she’d even care",-1.726034482758621,0.19078665517241689,0.4616379310344811,104.66590517241379,96.24137931034485,3.589655172413793,13.284482758620687,5.148860815047168,-1.478231034482759,396,7,104,2,16,130,70,116,0.094,0.6779999999999999,0.227,0.9372,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,7,3,1,1,0,21,23,6,2,7,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,3,1,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,2,21,6,6,15,1,11,0,0,0,1,12,2,0,2,8,57,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6143334247113741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318225056025005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949360213374303,0.0,0.1269172564825219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761660454597402,0.10761432881001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047730323753075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459590874015305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278556021110592,0.0,0.1699238749937434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735930998631925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359547958145288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207479547435264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088639552707689,0.13152947194556286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143070195106653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864224958722406,0.0,0.1197917268436298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898277311898314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202980374609307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633248610473155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007580945390554,0.09652141284913146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884896636394335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718509693554008,0.0,0.3464477396155603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070074330901548,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rk800rules,2019/03/21,"Suicide by Carbon Monoxide I've seen it basically everywhere and it's pretty painless, but the thing is: I don't have a car and I don't have a garage either. Is there a way to commit suicide by carbon monoxide other than a car in a garage?",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,75.0,6.6000000000000005,26.5,7.1686216300943375,1.3850000000000002,190,7,37,2,4,66,32,50,0.182,0.687,0.131,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,6,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38751683187519576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8332954375335886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530560360717626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023442762923801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nicompile,2019/03/21,"caffeine overdose I consumed a ridiculous amount of caffeine in the past couple of hours (entirely accidental because idk how to read labels apparently) and as a result I've been dealing with a handful of side affects - extreme dizziness, rapid heartbeat, etc.

i know that the amount I consumed definitely isnt enough to be fatal (I recently read a lot about caffeine overdoses), but I cant help but fantasize about the idea of it killing me anyway. the thought of dying so effortlessly sounds so nice right now",6.446153846153848,8.608729000000004,6.466813186813191,71.85318681318685,66.69230769230771,8.716483516483517,39.373626373626365,9.23628265651192,4.1565120879120885,413,24,63,8,7,131,66,91,0.163,0.765,0.07200000000000001,-0.7624,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,8,0,4,1,1,3,0,11,6,7,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,6,1,12,3,5,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,43,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274300665471384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590958443056833,0.0,0.0,0.2414107820382045,0.0,0.0,0.24302322892601316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419519835995887,0.26115257342568626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695388002043364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230602441831226,0.0,0.0,0.2643404417551861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25906560414619456,0.0,0.12868933375412878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907619336948315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353416392534756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684508167361584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312067657652704,0.0,0.0,0.1999731033986688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858985042368913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qquelland,2019/03/21,"i didnt do it so ive been planning on killing myself for about 4 months now, and yesterday was the day i had planned. but yesterday did not feel right. i had this knot in my stomach about it and this seems like the way to get it out. im going to seem super pretentious with this whole post so im sorry.

ive had the whole thing planned out. so i was thinking climbing to the top of the hospital one night and jumping would work, i just thought that was too clique. making this big name for myself isnt the real goal.

if youve seen that one ryan gosling movie where he drives a car around all the time and hes this super humble person and doesnt get anything for it, this is what i want. i dont want anyone to know (i know its ironic because im telling all of you), it seems like the perfect untold story. im a little bit of a perfectionist but i guess everyone is in their own way.

i had everything lined up, the drugs, the pictures and the note. i just couldnt do it.

nevermind that, i feel super worthless because the only real thing i was living for was dying and i didnt even do it. 

theres this one girl, lets say i knew her. i heard she was in hospice and just jumped. i heard its because she didnt get any visitors to her room for a couple of days when she was doing really badly. ive recently checked to see the fund me link and she has 11k dollars more than the goal was set as. its wierd everyone is there after, and no one seemed interested when it actually made a difference. the funny thing is, i probably wouldnt even make the first goal.

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suicidewatch,RowthWaya,2019/03/21,"Called cops on suicidal gf after she wrote a note and ran out the door. I found her safe, but the cops still took her under the Baker Act. I know I did the right thing, I think, I just feel guilty, scared, and don't know what to do or what'll happen. I feel like this will fuck her up more.",1.3923809523809538,2.4771431587301582,2.2478095238095257,101.38885714285715,77.73015873015873,5.674920634920635,14.187301587301588,5.6839178017228535,-1.2657403174603177,221,1,58,1,5,69,47,63,0.221,0.703,0.076,-0.8968,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,14,15,4,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,5,2,10,2,6,9,1,10,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886572054557813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587223318537663,0.20195316898739035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099540369413353,0.0,0.2613415429455804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499810616270836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107171027483725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810762839227125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414149700796069,0.0,0.0,0.2830211318886656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257559021818464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092160229034455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878060949845707,0.1811357782515694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140780218505043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chiaretta5498,2019/03/21,will 60ml of liquid Fluoxetine kill me? 21 yo F here. I really want to end It all,-2.206666666666667,-0.4791972222222203,2.483333333333338,87.94500000000002,104.55555555555556,6.844444444444445,11.555555555555555,7.793537801064563,0.2737555555555557,62,1,15,2,3,24,18,18,0.232,0.69,0.078,-0.6258,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324770196261501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6651290631463307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851385200846341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545981856625255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarioOreos,2019/03/21,I'm thinking about suicide more and more If things turn out the way they will then I think I'm really going to do it ,-0.2493589743589765,1.8170538076923108,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,87.84615384615385,5.005128205128205,16.358974358974358,6.42735559955562,-0.4509333333333334,93,2,22,1,3,31,22,26,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354420640166021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653952120580297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531496769355088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752259422706307,0.5309014625143866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506123040556248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288322603342462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweaty-ass-cheeks,2019/03/21,you ever get that feeling… I’ve awakened from reality. I’ve realized things about the universe. Everyday I wake up and I see things in a different way. I see that we’re all just animals but as a society we don’t see ourselves as that because we’re at the top of the food chain. I see the fundamental basis of our universe and how small we are in comparison. I see all the inner working of every interaction. It makes me want to kill myself but then after processing all these realizations I realized the point of life is to experience it but becoming so aware just makes it all the more difficult to put the effort in. I always tell my self I’m gonna commit by the time I’m 35 and I’ve experienced all that I want to experience from this bland existence. ,2.6836372180451136,4.8000396381578945,5.102180451127823,77.82026315789476,76.96052631578948,9.079699248120301,27.304511278195488,9.606745405546679,2.8264327067669166,603,25,118,18,14,212,90,152,0.071,0.875,0.054000000000000006,-0.7461,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,3,1,0,3,6,2,1,0,11,0,3,3,1,3,7,24,16,11,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,11,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,15,0,20,15,6,16,0,0,5,0,7,9,0,0,5,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452215324304193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855235716676247,0.1785514975070672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891044161635374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623951219216516,0.13621370690818,0.0,0.0,0.31628800480098745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954916600503057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446575295910495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788635853187399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141921002281793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158315791291155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283013611809987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625227161706188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6441491535471691,0.0,0.16865677068722915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130645602663097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481234869634006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427091041987773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071397221794786,0.12832589396690647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769747736023785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,baylin11,2019/03/21,What to do after attempted suicide? My bleeding has mostly stopped but I cut up my face so there's no way to hide what I did. Do I go to the hospital? Sorry if this sounds panicky. I don't know what to do lol,-1.111666666666668,0.9194640652173902,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,93.13043478260867,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.2386057971014499,161,6,38,2,6,56,34,46,0.325,0.605,0.07,-0.888,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,6,2,1,0,0,5,8,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,6,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708261263643021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618914676112884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.533442517008034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984050451942157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212525305547138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782517268607612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vanikath,2019/03/21,I just want this to end. I don't want to struggle anymore. I've been fighting for 3 years just to stay alive and I don't think this life is worth it anymore. Constantly trying to fill a void which I don't know will ever be filled. I barely feel alive anymore just feels like I exsist in this god awful life. The feeling of being alone consumes me every waking moment. Can't keep on like this it always hurts. Loved ones plead for me to stay but is it so wrong just to end the misery? I'll never be the person I want to be. I never thought this is how things would end. I just wish things could have been different but alas not everyone gets what they want. Twenty one years for nothing.,1.3082978723404253,3.57019131914894,2.3029503546099304,95.29400000000004,82.61702127659575,4.611063829787233,17.910638297872342,5.6839178017228535,-0.4548093617021282,540,12,115,3,15,170,85,141,0.139,0.698,0.16399999999999998,-0.6506,1,1,0,0,2,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,1,1,4,1,17,4,1,1,3,27,31,5,0,7,8,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,1,0,1,6,0,1,2,7,4,0,2,3,3,12,3,13,21,0,16,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,12,74,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369973052906922,0.0,0.0,0.11006363521505663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935446241038533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294259369265694,0.0,0.10561105340699636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819952165416358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35146992894175416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965057008020225,0.11144763436358407,0.12639470535182168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064707874818172,0.09449749153026073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910837804580623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160343061736824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757235285203332,0.0,0.0,0.0726950384896035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685989423984486,0.12924604758321884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193836109749184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403771184034208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269217054515251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792663156933257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154976785953694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28197571251182696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828285011523073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757556463126748,0.0847566629282436,0.0,0.10501180266019493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980623715937425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120775658517254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211005217435636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396456878863893,0.14462226151554095,0.0,0.17036189614661126
suicidewatch,Kylahsummer,2019/03/21,"I’m so lonely I’m 15, and I have nobody. Not even my mom. She hates me, and verbally abuses me. I don’t speak to my dad, I cry almost everyday. I wanna kill my self but I’m scared for the other side. No need to respond to this, I just needed to tell somebody this as I have no friends.",-1.9781944444444441,-0.11701812499999953,1.380208333333332,97.83284722222223,97.4375,4.094444444444443,14.923611111111107,5.82211442006289,-0.7760222222222222,216,5,53,2,9,77,44,64,0.293,0.647,0.06,-0.9219,0,2,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,9,5,1,3,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,12,1,7,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,1,35,15,0,0.0,0.3252472669787696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748802571824049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015343102079309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813100425291175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120843138740219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710199641387071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037025935324289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215006247301883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.407088626302106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748305440619121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28637186592920805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399322204219936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Foxxal25,2019/03/21,"Suicidal urges I’m a 19 year old guy with autism, tourettes, and IBS-D (relevant for quality of life discussion). I’m in England.

I just left my third college course because of poor health and low attendance. I have been struggling with what I assume is clinical depression (4 years on and I am close to seeing a therapist). As of current I would not kill myself because of the effect it would have on my family. I do plan on killing myself if my physical health cannot be improved in 25 years time. 

I am struggling with being passively suicidal and going through depression loops. Has anyone had any experience with coping with these issues? I’m really not sure what to do, especially as I have not been able to get medical assistance through my doctors (I have never been able to access medication such as anti-depressants). 

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suicidewatch,Deadstar9790,2019/03/21,"Is life worth it Up until very recently, I’ve been very happy. Maybe it was because I was an ignorant 12 year old. Now, I’m about to go to high school. But my laughs feel fake, no one in my class likes me, I am basically an outcast and the only reason I’m not bullied is because I entertain them. But, I don’t feel like myself. The jokes that my class wants are inappropriate jokes, that I don’t want to make but am afraid of stopping. Recently, I confessed to a girl, and she said she ‘loved’ me back. However, she was in a toxic relationship with one of my “friends” and doesn’t really know what love is. She even said that herself. She says she loves me, but she never talks with me in school, never responds to my texts usually, and we only FaceTime for about 5 minutes a day maximum. The teachers hate me, my parents, I can’t tell. They say they love me, but are very indifferent. The only reason I haven’t tried to commit suicide is because of my brother. He’s the only reason I haven’t tried to commit. I think, I only have one real friend. However, I’m very hesitant to commit suicide because I’m from a very Catholic upbringing. That and my brother is the only reason I haven’t tried. Idk anything anymore, everything is so confusing. I can’t tell if people hate me or like me.",3.3123255813953487,4.741308798449612,4.899914728682173,82.90894186046512,73.41860465116278,7.795658914728682,27.62868217054264,8.395991825355821,1.9323063565891472,1002,38,200,17,20,338,127,258,0.136,0.6729999999999999,0.19,0.913,4,0,0,0,0,4,37.0,1,0,3,0,6,20,2,2,12,0,23,5,0,5,5,37,43,14,2,3,8,3,2,3,2,0,1,4,0,1,7,8,0,2,9,3,1,1,12,6,0,3,6,6,42,14,22,37,0,18,1,0,0,4,33,5,0,3,15,129,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518436960351529,0.0,0.0,0.07068394289017464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604765084775534,0.0,0.20944222080024735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539491565026759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567325778514329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771965342815821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686178831623582,0.061363124424191326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272392063989927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488158846166717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143640638627658,0.0,0.16960628325176744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075236826748534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720542968519378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060669901150016275,0.12589129887079015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100929455727304,0.0,0.05733531717452384,0.0,0.08629267778067154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324944323509035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013194104898213,0.0,0.1746132260785985,0.3919603152294763,0.0,0.0,0.0953757961644757,0.0,0.0,0.0595485053743893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776686752182012,0.05502628471999951,0.3532558470103341,0.1696211240774005,0.09221866279000644,0.0,0.0,0.16341088190366,0.13661367813335873,0.0,0.1738598560154583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181173758228754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790951766211164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903883150015827,0.15015134500309754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503779591207005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749503997081576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460077454395167,0.3543602320501392,0.10132572935666664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055313310761471515
suicidewatch,failsafesafefail,2019/03/21,Im just about ready to go Hello everyone...Im 19 years old (yes im young but theres only so much one can handle while “waiting for things to get better with time”) and I live with 6 siblings in a hell hole of a home in the IE area...life at home is horrible everyday one of my siblings do some retarded thing and my mother just yells and yells all day...and Ive just about had it with life...lately everyday i wake up has been worst and worst..and i just dont see it getting any better...my granny recently had a stroke and she was the only person i could really talk to and im just lost now...im tired of being alone (ive never really had any friends)...all my friendships have been fake...im always there when people need help but no one seems to care or be around when i need them most...I literally have NO ONE to turn to...Everybody only contacts me when theyre bored or nobody is hanging with them...my mother only makes things worst...it seems like life is a repetitious grey cycle and im trapped..too afraid to take my life..and too angry/depressed to keep on...ive been seriously considering suicide by cop in which i call the police and aim a fake gun and hope to get shot...considered therapy but i already know that shit wont help...so now im typing this wondering should i just call 911 right now and end this tonight...theres alot more i could type but im pretty sure id get cut off..i dont know what to do anymore :(,0.7938513513513534,2.970554939189192,2.60804054054054,92.83949324324327,84.06756756756758,5.8621621621621625,18.70945945945946,7.1686216300943375,0.2268027027027029,1106,28,246,16,32,366,166,296,0.211,0.688,0.102,-0.9905,0,2,0,1,0,1,63.0,0,0,1,2,18,14,3,1,9,1,26,5,2,1,3,46,47,21,1,6,12,2,1,1,0,2,3,2,2,1,10,15,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,9,0,4,8,5,18,5,26,33,6,24,1,1,2,0,11,7,2,8,16,131,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619531726391057,0.08118524276590064,0.0,0.061215317970202014,0.0,0.0,0.10005891251503823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296069906258912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549202516563273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301316389915141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024438946366328,0.0,0.07500851881074239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747775189952762,0.0,0.0,0.04744593156195518,0.0,0.06336488895748868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724446865992011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516031510648153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374710559806135,0.0,0.04181096935468875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862352641566198,0.0,0.14759145063403306,0.0730706365158477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7152044930825922,0.0,0.0,0.06539152509617845,0.0,0.0,0.0808632185789987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589192315091213,0.03594210696266492,0.0,0.06496279233595251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030927571651134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049107891993555385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408169451759584,0.10910099199352148,0.05674096346088309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719831064560034,0.0,0.19940908720798514,0.22381021883898328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051003495130267376,0.06423763040554678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484614168312523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426039586075784,0.0,0.07264053162611303,0.0,0.0,0.06282754094034798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862498377257579,0.13394894514515054,0.0,0.0,0.07551754161601992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047256693307638,0.0,0.06933793051392051,0.0,0.05531474711691002,0.05913199137542224,0.0,0.0,0.08413258575224017,0.0,0.14662796326506758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289868707548164,0.0845567658274156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002196767348624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978246373573647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737603670024289
suicidewatch,Krimson_crescent,2019/03/21,Help me stop this man from suicide by calling the police! I saw this person threaten to kill himself this weekend we must save him. I’ll put the username below and you can all do some good.,3.4954385964912262,5.073296263157896,3.9447368421052635,89.3414912280702,73.21052631578948,5.066666666666666,28.456140350877188,3.1291,0.7952350877192984,150,6,29,0,3,47,34,38,0.274,0.557,0.16899999999999998,-0.7574,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,4,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,1,2,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38354322397882057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150466551035521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517657092997254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155605173604955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279710870329973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775951594302479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140295774372263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108600377497384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,invalid_kid,2019/03/21,"So I went to a psychiatrist but I fear that he thinks I'm lying Because I have a relatively good job that a lot of people want, I graduated with high grades, I'm slightly pretty, I haven't had an attempt yet, I don't cut myself and my appetite isn't affected. But I am highly emotional, extremely shy and I want to die every hour of every day. I know my desire is real. I don't tell anyone about it. Not even my parents.

He did ask me to go back for a check up after I do a psych test which seemed more like a very easy IQ test. I don't know why I had to do it. The people administering the test were asking me why I was there. I felt so ashamed. 

I also have to do some lab tests but because of my weekly 80-100 hours work schedule, I don't know where I'd find the time. Is that something you're supposed to schedule or can I just walk inside a hospital? 

The consultation itself was a terrible experience for me. I feared he was doubting me. He kept asking ""do you want to die? Would you do it today when you get home?"" Well I want to but I probably won't any time soon. I'm thinking about the work I need to finish. It's probably the only thing that keeps me going.",0.8761746987951824,2.717952767068276,3.4313504016064265,88.9405195783133,81.570281124498,6.238353413654619,20.816767068273094,7.333567415737692,0.5714670682730927,905,26,202,13,24,316,136,249,0.157,0.71,0.133,-0.9349,2,0,1,0,0,3,27.0,0,3,0,3,14,9,1,4,15,0,26,0,0,1,0,32,50,11,2,7,7,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,2,8,0,1,4,8,6,1,0,10,1,35,3,19,38,3,23,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,5,16,129,46,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061552306510756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705600958175843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923034796562965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31779412332638274,0.0,0.0,0.08712989290208878,0.0,0.13814782231669162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307683174158022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351998226414747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274606889865696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484147231290596,0.0,0.1909404048774548,0.0,0.0,0.11084082700886433,0.0,0.2550148859082676,0.0,0.0,0.10879723879140614,0.0,0.10356506672492302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920081552131245,0.0,0.12879558149238488,0.09504068508177292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23944058649364205,0.11366112171699262,0.0,0.22317888565256305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124446230619706,0.100716864849388,0.0,0.0,0.18681984809794933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055358493689154326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633376525273893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401937291861569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617884171367637,0.0,0.0,0.1258195075615568,0.0,0.0,0.15711247346888274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152789864636146,0.2443388875897739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128973802810708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315494083567904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872330727096032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903963609077472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527942261421018,0.1452114405836936,0.0,0.0,0.1321462150345221,0.0,0.10740647652320508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349422324938683,0.2673372885713296,0.0,0.09089200899976932,0.0,0.1018810485569249,0.105041310078545,0.20449281521538828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649848938871313,0.0,0.0,0.08049355605927813,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TW7282827,2019/03/21,"Wish I could give my life to someone who'd actually put it to use. Like the title says, I wish I could give my life to someone who would actually make use of it rather than fucking waste it like me. All these chances and opportunities have passed me by, and for some reason I don't even want to ""get better"". I try to explain how I'm feeling to others but it's pointless since people only understand from their level of perception. They don't know how broken and empty I feel on the inside. They don't have a clue.

All my life I've just wanted to be a good person and do good things on this sad and doomed little planet, but when I look at myself in the mirror all I see is a disappointment. There's just so many things wrong with my life and it's getting to be too much to handle for me at least. If someone else was given my life they would probably find a way out of this shit but not me. I'm just so damn lonely, tired, & broke.

I could rant on for hours about how fucked my life is right now but I'm just too tired. I just needed to get this off my chest before it all consumed me. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I don't know how much longer I can endure this and I might just make plans to end it before I just get hurt more down the line. That's all though, thanks for reading. I wish I could just cry myself to sleep but I'm too empty and numb for that. ",2.342308166409861,3.299672471186444,3.639545454545456,92.85189137134056,75.13559322033899,6.312788906009245,19.510785824345145,6.351523495107088,-0.17581355932203424,1069,18,252,7,22,350,145,295,0.225,0.684,0.091,-0.9947,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,4,3,25,19,4,0,8,0,23,14,3,9,5,63,58,22,0,14,16,0,2,2,0,3,9,1,0,1,20,10,0,0,10,1,0,3,6,12,0,0,2,5,35,7,35,46,10,21,1,6,2,2,11,12,4,3,7,169,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.1794175599797498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960429685620324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564484598121979,0.0,0.0,0.08130312900791163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935891345799332,0.0,0.1009789434495941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679431579461789,0.0,0.08142120619327489,0.0,0.0,0.0607177886946469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092963441965138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840208195164877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997250198095748,0.19211501304225226,0.17637204324886407,0.05224498303001888,0.15421022745418253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053087814403077,0.0,0.0984111684036774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156420244315846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895901484820785,0.08982306783647788,0.09213632757890176,0.0,0.0,0.07719663648217663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272573553980927,0.09320088826814836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752142074013724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515578595355401,0.06816368483239375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069915630190216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373152258077576,0.08026826362135175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911427773984774,0.0,0.0,0.0924133528765726,0.0,0.0,0.09195319761065553,0.0,0.0,0.0945176241157718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850628342053016,0.0,0.07310509019545879,0.0,0.0,0.07325496943997258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436309994939786,0.07604405667994997,0.0,0.09199471003522557,0.0,0.23367170292691106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463524655847038,0.0,0.0,0.12214618270026815,0.0,0.09031910814721457,0.0,0.0,0.21131616242861412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241329528712535,0.0,0.0,0.0957006236684822,0.0,0.15879310642712158,0.0,0.0,0.10844341042496232,0.07296842190303772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171390953275399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060648266389493,0.10050918731894698,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,briar_angel,2019/03/21,"I feel like I've destroyed my own life. I can't stop blaming myself. I messed up horribly and ruined the best relationship I've ever had. I'm now homeless because I was kicked out as a result. Friends keep telling me I was dealing with a narcissistic personality, but I can't get the voices out of my head telling me how much of a fuck up I am. Every day feels like a fresh version of hell and I don't know how much longer I can live with my mistakes. ""Hell is loving you in my sleep and waking up alone."" On multiple dates he took me to this beautiful part of a local forest. The last time we were there, we went off path and he showed me the route to the top of the waterfall overlooking the valley below. It was dizzying how high up it was, but so beautiful. I can legitimately say that was one of the happiest days of my life. I think about what it would be like for that to be the last thing I see, to make the hike up there alone. Maybe seeing something so pretty would change how I feel. And if it doesn't then it would be one last wonderful view out of a very fucked up world. I can't stop thinking about it. Every day since it's happened, it's stuck on my mind and replays over and over. I can't take back my mistakes. I can't fix anything. I feel so hopeless right now. ",2.8678089887640468,3.9828122883895136,4.068185393258428,89.67351404494383,74.05617977528091,7.137752808988763,24.58595505617977,7.554174236665415,0.9284683146067408,999,30,225,12,20,327,142,267,0.158,0.654,0.188,0.8573,1,2,1,0,0,1,26.0,2,1,0,2,15,16,5,0,16,0,24,8,3,6,1,41,46,19,0,6,3,0,4,3,1,3,2,2,0,1,13,14,0,3,8,1,0,2,7,10,0,2,10,9,32,6,34,30,6,38,2,2,3,3,13,21,4,2,18,150,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362021535628252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383728105257348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087682318247198,0.0,0.06951185705657585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966784146464278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062901486313968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062047147685301,0.1175603076201681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314700084062037,0.19215101487072367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23062873149632315,0.16292664266914525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809958340069414,0.21083848495963067,0.059576163520211736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083668235063066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702806057493473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204793498932899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013554349998789,0.0,0.0,0.06266811090970932,0.2788499205489446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108604961360445,0.16712844121566342,0.0,0.10069090858995826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291686377534214,0.0,0.07611615951169731,0.0,0.11455883651348515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151381704363722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765088947839313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545398638980152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348378190006172,0.0,0.0,0.09956692344366412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600988411262887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242594604497099,0.0,0.09738131558509587,0.0,0.09068152954161073,0.0,0.0,0.1817348876139766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432710299446648,0.0,0.11411272448234296,0.0,0.0,0.08778615224053632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066899572517948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857366493241547,0.0,0.19933514438165464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575671300941368,0.1461321174892465,0.0,0.0,0.06649202756877172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266919402474546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408700004302184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570729829496656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366107542841527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430117160996452,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Feeling-drifty,2019/03/21,"I want to kill myself I want to die but at the same time I don't, my family can't ""afford"" therapy.  I get bullied, but its behind my back.  I want to vent but who the fuck would listen, nobody actually gives a shit anyways, what is the fucking point.  I just want to get cancer and die, run into the road or some shit. I don't know but life fucks me and throws me in the curb, than expects me to get up and walk away.  Well I fucking can't, I want to fucking die.  My brother beats the shit out of me, and I my mom is never thankful, the only reason I ma alive is because my dad is nice.  But he is on thin fucking ice.  I don't know what to do, if somebody is even reading this, and if they know how to help, just talk to me please.",2.842075471698113,2.7144482075471714,4.563201257861639,90.66631132075472,73.21383647798744,7.114716981132076,24.70503144654088,6.2581,0.5347378616352199,551,14,134,3,10,188,87,159,0.281,0.603,0.116,-0.992,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,1,1,7,13,10,0,8,0,13,11,3,2,1,33,33,14,4,9,10,4,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,4,1,0,3,6,10,1,0,0,2,24,3,19,32,2,16,0,0,0,6,11,10,9,4,3,92,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.10764156843506584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363498608090906,0.08481757878269103,0.0,0.06724077932799967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434368875384557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285527690531929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398554401780326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6118500342818489,0.17288910845286146,0.1058144106159272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739349790820649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203591284865185,0.0,0.1818618921295417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791153893408258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291876429635131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850738581156714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389176725678696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108154119637887,0.10427368510320224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033464522143384,0.0,0.0,0.11341170067997787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396788613810542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865881609214894,0.0,0.10155383548266406,0.12614314644348554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431961311555973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253031304713988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917725793776326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835736169478418,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Londoniousc137,2019/03/21,Fastest way to kms What is the fastest way to kill yourself i have become very depressed lately and it feels as if i have no one. not even my parents care my step dad even admitted it i have no purpose to live anymore.  please just someone give me answers no therapy type shit ive seen enough therapists. No one sees ive become detached from everyone. Just help me find a way to leave this earth i have no purpose. ,0.6413453815261008,3.1575546506024104,1.750873493975906,94.82904116465865,92.85542168674698,4.6943775100401615,24.98895582329317,6.42735559955562,0.9183341365461848,328,15,67,4,12,103,56,83,0.263,0.638,0.099,-0.9324,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,0,7,1,1,0,0,9,13,3,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,1,3,10,1,6,12,1,7,0,1,2,0,5,0,1,1,3,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029157606384507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792835179307058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507122396865105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478947837167058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774237853577868,0.0,0.22682753048363494,0.0,0.0,0.16407760845037253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682244701078043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694111569165514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472122864060995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509453696359193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899732312990135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936979469455192,0.18181758743171256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162431877067944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327121873720673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066519741577512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884875615284491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683176027117136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625929229689982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454905183975345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196366959337727,0.19937017882798025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167989430698993,0.0,0.40888956842922497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thoryawawy,2019/03/21,"My parents just split up and it hurts more than ever. I'm 17 years old and I've lived in support homes most of my life. Always had issues with my parents. I was diagnosed with ASD at age four and I am on the high functioning spectrum, which is a curse since nobody takes me seriously and they think I am just a ""normal"" person. I have stellar grades in school and I am a very unique person. As a young child, the vocal chirping, fixation and meltdowns were very prevalent. I was typical. As I became older, I matured into an adolescent. Now its nearly impossible to tell the difference that I am mentally challenged. I look back at myself and I have so much trouble believing that child was really me. Behind the walls, I have issues that engulf me. I wish I could have empathy for people but I am unable to understand certain social concepts, having meltdowns when I was a child even when my mother would leave to get groceries. I started living in group homes (and still am). When I was 13, I lived with a man who was very verbally scarring to me. I was completely terrified of him. He would walk in to the room and I would shiver. I watched my mom leave in her van from the window at the home with this guy who I was terrified of and I'd cry at the window hoping that she would come back. My mom had no more hope and had all trust in the system and he told her that I was ""bullying"" her and would yell at me very loudly if I cried. I've had to deal with so many things I cannot even begin to comprehend or explain the emotions and feelings behind my whole entire life. I just don't have the understanding to. If you ever got in my head it would be the worst hell you have ever experienced. Two weeks ago I found out my mom and dad were splitting up. They are the two people I love the absolute most. What hurts so badly is I know exactly why they are splitting up, and it's because my mom has no faith in my dad anymore (we fight a lot but we are very similar people and I love him very much). I want to be there for my dad and I am upset with my mom. Tonight I finally layed it all on her as she dropped me off when I was getting picked up by a resource worker. I explained to her that I love her so much and I want things to be back to normal again and I want to keep our house and I don't want to live with the sociopathic kid upstairs who is hurting me. She acted like I was joking as always. I told her that I don't know if I love her anymore. I then left, rode away with them in a car while watching her sitting idle in the darkness, in the driver's seat of the car crying. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to die but I just feel trapped. I arrived at my foster care home, sat down in my bedroom and cried for a good hour, and then started writing this post. I just wish I could be a better person, I wish I could be normal and not plagued with this hell I am in. It's so, so sad and painful for me. Nobody ever listens. I want to die but I know I could never actually kill myself. I'm just trapped here.


completely unimportant: please note that I posted this in r/autism and r/depression and this is a throwaway",2.3051851851851843,3.87376902469136,3.7853703703703694,89.29666666666668,76.34567901234567,6.651851851851853,23.728395061728396,7.3871296695380915,0.8991006172839509,2440,76,525,30,54,807,273,648,0.152,0.7090000000000001,0.138,-0.9167,2,2,0,0,1,3,63.0,3,2,4,3,30,30,4,1,31,0,62,9,1,1,9,107,107,52,3,27,15,11,2,1,0,6,4,3,8,9,27,41,0,1,12,1,0,6,10,14,0,3,22,9,106,16,75,70,12,78,3,4,3,4,63,36,2,9,32,388,133,4,0.0,0.0,0.05318257259010244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830953942946395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069406178253277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162143292754771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051203036617280685,0.12571770662878226,0.04550388390303398,0.03322171610481156,0.0,0.0,0.061401029323088385,0.0,0.04819940211820679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055564746413219436,0.0,0.0,0.046945542167463064,0.11428106176354527,0.0,0.0,0.17405013715742124,0.0,0.2394557139529048,0.0,0.056185452818111305,0.046939388248797495,0.05531472432326556,0.11312146083323403,0.05693922398042218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130335973488407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199135257726211,0.1971876755472571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511205258944267,0.0,0.0,0.05970032848848776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975467779392135,0.0,0.0,0.05694632469598423,0.0,0.0,0.045710668546846384,0.043587345462031774,0.0,0.0,0.05396197984172868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593107664427413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05758054709126052,0.2186653371447391,0.10825840724838134,0.0536699417725227,0.06288383139532103,0.17502497886704352,0.0,0.0,0.11376433169876048,0.0,0.04844067803432565,0.06029440009124362,0.0,0.11980357180057552,0.0,0.0,0.11541186392705505,0.059212666249024375,0.0,0.0769876570029357,0.026625163256140286,0.0,0.19249232698752505,0.0,0.04576492650873732,0.0,0.0,0.04633258703416231,0.19674771905225832,0.0,0.0,0.055252819248486816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054921564577039735,0.0,0.0,0.31913931112012184,0.0,0.0,0.12018777423333328,0.0,0.042032522384566666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019056966637654,0.0,0.0,0.057186898535815364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799013531108831,0.0,0.1210280376646138,0.0,0.0,0.11334697650483297,0.14275769073682076,0.0,0.0598228727769091,0.0,0.0,0.10438879641983324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03491306771453399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515528584924313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04508163598795748,0.0,0.0,0.05555425114076633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714848977498905,0.0,0.043522489102168035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061844133459787475,0.0,0.0,0.0409760110610568,0.0,0.047633999843861775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241262481547638,0.03492037133370941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041511048927718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647402709430437,0.1134695035589956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269801303283147,0.19286739427828908,0.0,0.04371532563523405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917632532046425,0.060845512406120135,0.18801139598955585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228457947353146,0.0,0.0,0.035095179948219
suicidewatch,jellybabe44,2019/03/22,"Why Should I not I’m tired of everyone trying to force me to feel better. It’s never going to work because it’s forced and does not take in my wants and needs that would let me feel better. At this point I just want to die and have been researching methods. I’m confident that I won’t have trouble once the time comes, it’s just such an incredibly lonely thing to do alone. But alone is the new unhealthy diet trend so might as well say fuck it.",3.090599078341012,4.290340548387096,3.9290629800307215,90.55645161290329,73.6236559139785,7.034715821812598,21.88786482334869,7.447530270364453,0.5517477726574493,353,8,78,4,7,113,68,93,0.215,0.6459999999999999,0.139,-0.8490000000000001,0,4,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,1,18,21,6,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,8,4,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,3,6,3,9,15,0,8,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,3,48,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944582467408641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160849926583985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33684155408340666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164039476487646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763735125698995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664748379978336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196501662794048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257530827277566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605042517225647,0.0,0.0,0.10822634683088443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472863746384775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020172367248807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120220101713904,0.14687215546097898,0.18391948221747426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028028394435442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001888274707906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514384039908827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431804404139229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651391929242453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104186909983724,0.2188724635323366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929017392390935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246423190803299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712203721409164,0.0,0.17183439126933955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863606298280556,0.0,0.0,0.13527674497494693,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eyyyyyyyyyyyyylmao,2019/03/22,"Going nowhere Today was my lowest low in years. I work as a courier, so I drive all day. Recently, the time I get off has been getting pushed back further and further. Today started off decent, I was in a good mood, but of course, it got worse. Blah blah blah, then, my inner demon started to take hold. I was subject to the blame for someone elses screw up, and it was going to add a lot more time to my day. I was driving 90+, weaving through traffic... which I never do, but I wanted to finish at a decent time, so it had to be done. Then, after I merged onto a highway behind a convoy of cars, I was run into the shoulder by an 18 wheeler that didn't see me. No damage, but my heart was beating out of my chest. Then I started to wish that I hadn't swerved into the shoulder... that I had ended this bullshit plague that I call life. That's when I started driving faster, hoping that a cop would pull me over just so that I could have more reason to hate living, more of an excuse to turn off the lights. I had another close call, this time, it was my fault, yet my heartrate remained steady. 

I had very good SAT's, but shitty grades. I dropped out of college because the lack of motivation from highschool still remains. I don't have anyone who I consider a good friend. I want everything in the world, but don't have the means to get it. I'm constantly shrouded in darkness, hate everything about myself, and just feel alone. I don't know what the point to life is. Why am I here, what did I do to deserve this fucked up mental status? Why can't I just be the victim of a something, anything? ",4.222989417989422,4.675749253086423,4.95862433862434,86.9916666666667,70.35802469135803,7.035626102292769,28.3915343915344,6.42735559955562,1.2102126984126986,1234,42,257,7,21,399,173,324,0.199,0.715,0.086,-0.9914,1,1,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,3,13,14,5,0,21,0,33,8,4,2,2,33,58,16,0,7,8,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,19,9,0,1,5,0,0,9,8,8,0,0,19,3,36,5,43,35,6,60,1,2,1,2,5,23,2,2,27,182,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844317400891873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991714316321007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799636457353003,0.0,0.09410909460889026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793630304387512,0.0,0.06971320842631712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335500789828342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358326656207462,0.0,0.09130769652299103,0.0,0.0,0.14750635419086616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170306797385344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553367281521966,0.0,0.10128961749580444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556000842996835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782419542760343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883547768675717,0.10572460489954068,0.1792462040545631,0.0,0.1299876185725801,0.2877609350756333,0.09146468199770154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258149885838009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551795517287005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358595812144813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284963835704105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155265916928804,0.0,0.0,0.10098257469159297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972253596609126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245723053509678,0.0,0.0,0.1152486664559776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820200571320719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810780623943056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175818246977714,0.11291737388128432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911306547906991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968974321541268,0.08804043780772469,0.0,0.0,0.3237803086686701,0.0,0.09132858592973538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859849982031725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667385262239487,0.0,0.2168011035898564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439157919453955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435953694730984,0.1349057828474202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638545016097967,0.0,0.13150913691305324,0.0,0.0,0.08325593629974813,0.0,0.116543301949235,0.0812385451530624,0.0,0.0,0.07364452777726771
suicidewatch,ontheroadwi,2019/03/22,"Not sure, but I think it’s time I pulled the trigger Throw away but don’t know what to do.

Wife and I are always at, nothing makes me happy but my 2 year old. I’m worth about 1.5 mil dead so I know my son will be taken care of, it’s getting harder to find happiness and I think everyone around me would happier if I just disappeared. 

Tell me I’m being stupid and apologize to my wife for the millionth time. Divorce not an option (I know I could force it but she already said she will ruin me) maybe I was meant to bring a beautiful child into this world just to leave it early. I also felt I was going to die young never thought it was by my own hand though 

F 

  ",1.1962684124386271,2.947342276595748,2.9506382978723416,93.22615384615385,80.13475177304964,6.040589198036008,20.066012002182216,7.010146845296331,0.2442925259138025,515,13,117,6,13,171,94,141,0.183,0.652,0.165,-0.4268,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,12,1,1,2,2,30,29,11,2,3,9,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,9,0,1,5,4,2,0,0,8,3,21,4,14,15,1,17,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,2,7,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989600223871682,0.14418185112087958,0.1500198880837072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050078005812465,0.0,0.0,0.16939309304040515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382277460013796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395089151437185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711775126754399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227960455970368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311147974629512,0.0,0.1647863691205311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941966992078787,0.0,0.1024658067824624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838547728154524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29725626044811604,0.0,0.0,0.190906378759226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034831648650585,0.0,0.18113056677448436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390546234245969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299792079397242,0.0,0.1891892798619732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150183780110942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992590940583974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575857820259576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105151964132414,0.17713892793991914,0.14313409557815213,0.2102629357290748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807639931174122,0.0,0.0,0.1161040726290062
suicidewatch,BioBlade01,2019/03/22,"I’m empty, I’m so sad, someone please help I’ve had two of my best friends and my girlfriend commit suicide in the past two months, I’m addicted to self-harm so i’m always weak and distracted, my parents are getting divorced, I have no friends anymore because they all killed themselves, so no one would care if i died. To make it all worse, Mar 23 is my dead girlfriend’s birthday. I’ve decided that if i’m not happy by the end of today, I’m going to shoot myself tonight. Im giving life one last chance, please help",2.518089304257529,4.185864588785051,3.6036760124610616,90.40142263759087,76.00934579439252,5.877050882658359,27.77673935617861,6.42735559955562,1.1183362409138105,409,17,85,3,9,132,72,107,0.287,0.495,0.217,-0.8963,1,0,0,1,1,2,13.0,0,0,1,1,3,9,1,1,2,0,5,3,0,1,3,11,16,7,4,3,3,1,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,4,1,0,8,5,7,14,3,8,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,2,6,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977563729194587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721786938963335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635458575812681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052726742573743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306228909099275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813617046459556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114996872671492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606082111704224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548172572460375,0.0,0.08615837895858983,0.15819616696582015,0.0937218382947609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554917135849574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210706505361424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813049989012633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244786822945,0.0,0.0,0.1344232083640736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648041840460732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007833550504496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162914617899069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234938165062758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311242366195435,0.0,0.15742472575254507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620420998630601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203651721233948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972723813623728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803841676399768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631487210782988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221851322139899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805681371145215,0.11714693869686793,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matt55567,2019/03/22,I'm so tired of these thoughts I can't escape I almost always have to pretend happy so people don't think anything is wrong every night I have thoughts of killing myself i'm so tired of being here no one loves me other than my grandmother and i'm starting to question that as well I hate myself so much I can't do anything right I can't just be happy i'm worthless going no where in life i turned 18 and have no plans after college what does it matter if I kill myself no one will remember me after high school anyways I wish I was never born,2.1770434782608703,3.9186937043478274,3.670652173913045,89.22858695652175,77.17391304347827,5.295652173913044,22.80434782608696,5.6839178017228535,0.3482347826086953,436,13,88,2,10,144,72,115,0.28,0.591,0.129,-0.9578,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,3,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,1,13,26,8,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,9,5,1,2,3,0,16,4,10,20,1,11,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,3,6,64,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660177631507444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012882683072602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573909307891505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685775220710636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317651364545241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887991717088732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33295966220144463,0.0,0.15440253234631374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652343911826033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460442456375711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046272809194913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114788420923158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496448428182897,0.0,0.12061744107910975,0.0,0.0,0.1467612163656678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194752749950807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842098359758694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519234743406334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715913675230655,0.13355601941341858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582748087363238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069349270356638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020825762650104,0.0,0.2483120361570886,0.0,0.3594940973132939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010717446744128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406131957649188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984053134292372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098767624612582,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dawn_jelly,2019/03/22,"I can’t confront my parents again Went out tonight with some friends and saw Us. Great movie btw.

I get home, it’s late, and I notice my phone won’t connect to the WiFi. A window comes up saying it’s blocked. My dad comes out and I mention this. He says “we’ll talk tomorrow.” I asked my mom if she knew what this was about and she just said “yes.”

I’m pretty sure I know too. I’ve noticed some websites getting blocked on my phone so I’m guessing that they have something on the network that’s blocking certain keywords or phrases.

Essentially I think they know I’ve been looking at porn again.

We’re a religious family. This kind of thing in their eyes is morally wrong. And not just their eyes but mine too; I have a problem and I wish I could stop.

The last time this came up was years ago. It broke me then and I can’t go through that experience another time. I’ve been barely holding on since my girlfriend broke up with me half a year ago and my life has just fallen apart.

I feel physically sick and I have such an urge to just end it all right now before I have to sob and cry and feel like trash in front of my parents while I promise never to do it again. The thought makes me want to throw up knowing it’s coming.

I relapsed a few days ago into cutting again and for the time being I’m probably going to go slice my arms up because I need a distraction from how much I’m hurting.

I hate myself so much. I thought I was better than this but maybe not.",1.0909539473684229,3.2695780296052668,2.2827631578947383,95.61684210526316,82.84868421052632,4.98421052631579,22.98684210526316,6.158741222570753,0.292577631578947,1147,41,255,9,32,365,175,304,0.161,0.753,0.086,-0.976,2,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,4,1,16,18,3,1,12,1,18,6,3,2,4,59,51,21,0,6,10,4,2,1,2,2,2,3,2,0,16,21,0,5,9,0,0,11,6,10,0,1,12,9,42,8,29,35,6,50,1,4,4,1,23,16,1,5,24,159,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919561081380977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512023815676704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263512986638948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692455261202485,0.0,0.09341983618469696,0.0,0.0,0.09709683307000762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556598547449346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837128639087412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765522169725411,0.0,0.1205948127132583,0.07080291514690876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723784757826202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739181601733888,0.10349651031798243,0.0,0.11102224374690403,0.0784311708169238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482042422774631,0.0,0.11471735208241925,0.0,0.18718181420240865,0.0,0.0,0.12103949961811215,0.12094170338456095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839098805812022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012435220083168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175282293229629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432526910528774,0.18100661368863366,0.08949027772076266,0.12384343807074538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775451286940482,0.053635914939422366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219262551809752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732830359821895,0.0,0.11029483610514194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858008629199386,0.0,0.0,0.1614107470070542,0.08140495954299007,0.08467376419891298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499842744646077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380881615692535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169187418617624,0.11836792258787344,0.1050504159024966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375668057607177,0.1044316673262276,0.1746125352342978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081614899102836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451865930509207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178604756240337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347204594831784,0.0,0.0,0.08824186247359736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293696845685048,0.07034646317430314,0.0,0.17431570931377333,0.19205137306364775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205909172837424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475465242272695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177276145073512,0.0,0.0,0.12624853095955216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003380315363092,0.0,0.14139722400029126
suicidewatch,ivythrowaway190322,2019/03/22,"Not sure why I'm posting here Good evening. I'm conflicted over whether or not I will be killing myself this weekend. On one hand, I recognize that I would like nothing more than to just ""be better"" and not put an end to my life just yet. On the other hand, I've been alone for at least seven years now. I'm just 21, yet I'm already balding. I have an absurdly high pitched voice. I'm a fat, unmotivated piece of shit. I haven't spoken with anyone in months. I have no friends. I managed to make it into my dream college, yet I am probably going to flunk out because most days I don't even have the energy to get out of bed. Last year, I was made to take a year off from my studies to focus on my mental well-being. I've been to two different therapists, yet nothing's improved. (As an aside, my parents specifically selected these therapists because they are skeptical of antidepressants and wanted me to see people that would not put me on any. As I am on my parent's health insurance, I can't see anyone without going through them.) At this point, the only thing holding me back is fear that I may fail in killing myself and just end up an even greater burden to my family.",4.813164556962028,5.2257498945147685,5.757654008438821,81.92458227848101,69.04219409282699,8.851645569620256,30.98987341772152,8.841846274778883,2.3676460759493674,923,36,188,15,15,305,143,237,0.106,0.754,0.139,0.847,3,2,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,2,2,14,13,4,1,9,0,19,7,5,2,1,28,33,7,2,3,11,2,2,1,1,4,3,1,1,0,9,7,1,2,0,2,0,4,9,8,0,3,4,5,27,5,36,23,5,37,0,2,2,0,5,17,1,3,16,132,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234967508560406,0.13158438154829244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108733603008983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667508578277288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168825303003944,0.0,0.14537527897980573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545815134124444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689998020409593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458049344790867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112226181179693,0.0,0.0,0.2362708235488457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124089252276125,0.13417822865832618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212458174190713,0.0,0.062298014749110925,0.0,0.13553375852642358,0.10001291280959423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267466177330705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259836799338232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638429395558849,0.0,0.0,0.09719657122742288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422278728387543,0.05825467480416634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282783666184552,0.07959367216213364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201659442758015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517628568676886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288281248030607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080015690484939,0.09068744585464596,0.0,0.0,0.2648039716606245,0.0,0.0,0.08266605031741603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272040727090568,0.0,0.11419902537561492,0.0,0.12856096228411915,0.0,0.0,0.23973840791935724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900377943128637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239821759534257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123823541529751,0.0,0.08965369249269439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27689382173513577,0.0792178036573887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648022143184895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033088226803362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072111424439628,0.0,0.10759561592347676,0.0,0.0,0.11494317169906562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694094481108636,0.0,0.0,0.2303600855411512
suicidewatch,PlasticL0ve,2019/03/22,I’m tired I’m tired of not having friends anymore. I’m tired of my boyfriend acting like he doesn’t want to be around me. He’d rather go hang out with friends or play games all day and leave me to basically feel like a single parent. We fucking live together. Ever since our son was born no one wants to be around me. I love my son so so much. I want him to be happy and healthy motr than anything so sometimes I think his life would be better if I was dead so that way he won’t be raised by a mentally ill mother. I’m tired of being ignored and I’m tired of being thrown to the side. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. ,0.22248447204969324,2.075319695652176,1.9354451345755697,98.74304347826087,83.92753623188406,4.8124223602484495,18.552795031055894,5.773587663045528,-0.5218857142857143,490,12,120,3,14,160,85,138,0.205,0.638,0.157,-0.8228,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,9,10,1,0,3,0,14,11,2,0,2,25,29,10,1,7,6,4,1,2,2,2,7,0,0,0,1,9,0,1,2,2,0,4,5,2,0,1,2,1,15,8,18,17,3,13,0,0,0,2,15,5,1,2,5,70,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445506059739166,0.0,0.0,0.10326981859000846,0.2234302594508468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098811568700488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093242476442475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351535280467492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634528915269969,0.08965202658895842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939107334226303,0.1160160005135622,0.0,0.0,0.1426408132468575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358933746387874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328786742393041,0.0,0.0,0.08863922171646199,0.1226188114288514,0.0,0.11081237379333618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326208232714688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646714886708593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225159099178952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503711707466904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393448181447182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380887750681957,0.0,0.12558335262826745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411551216882978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041066990652337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7211771234499066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960754383897784,0.09961028253764324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914643005906073,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bronx_The_Orangutan,2019/03/22,"I have become bored and alone. I want to end it all, it seems so easy honestly. I feel like I wont be remembered at all. I'm afraid to be left behind and forgotten, it seems that all my friends have moved on and what do I have? nothing. if nothing changes in the next 2 years, I plan on killing myself. 

​

shit this sounds so stupid.. i feel stupid for writing this. I just want someone to talk to..",0.9429183400267752,3.1643507349397595,1.7970281124498015,98.6045649263722,83.81927710843374,5.13467202141901,22.475234270415,6.42735559955562,0.24864230254350786,313,11,72,3,9,97,55,83,0.19,0.6459999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.5337,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,4,1,1,0,7,1,1,0,3,16,14,6,1,3,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,3,10,3,10,11,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,3,4,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621390887113824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052698788040223,0.2302034765415312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923354067427044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041384189391606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677971900298593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915840487578343,0.13534370002626234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636922964693636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959925722523345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205838864726072,0.0,0.0,0.09255609863507104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013562342578025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201483090930158,0.0,0.0,0.3635663328470884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461084206461614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449378132394007,0.0,0.0,0.19446853902446287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052106068269914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227338875589266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234859982713741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302034765415312,0.12200011341353223
suicidewatch,alissamora2,2019/03/22,"There’s no point of living if you can’t feel love for anything, and I’m emotionally paralyzed i was neglected and abused as a kid and my ex was horribly abusive and treated me like shit and i can’t let go of it. i became codependent after enough cycles of him throwing me away and coming back again with the most intense love you could imagine. we were crazy about each other, but now he couldn’t care less if i were to die tonight. i feel so worthless. i can’t trust anyone or feel anything. i don’t talk to anyone, therefore i don’t matter as much as i used to to friends/family. i used to listen and talk for longer, i used to not cut it short, and i used to feel more with others which let them feel more with me. but i have no interest in it anymore. i feel disconnected, empty and alone. i get so anxious and can’t stop thinking when i’m around people i like but at the same time i feel like i don’t even care about them because i just assume they don’t like me and isolate myself. i’ve been pushing myself to finally get the courage and sadness to take all my medication and go to sleep by acting in ways that reinforce the thoughts i already have of myself. i shoplift, i treat my body like shit, i take more of my meds than i’m supposed to and then less the next day just to fuck up my system. i torture myself by stalking him and his new girl on social media. i’m so close to the end, i can feel how soothing it will be to end this pain and it feels like home",4.291676034747063,4.338968601941748,5.149395332992679,87.11041900868679,70.10032362459546,7.9292113779594615,27.91364333163005,7.475848149327749,1.3455592233009703,1154,36,255,11,19,377,161,309,0.18,0.659,0.161,-0.7431,0,1,0,0,1,1,23.0,1,2,3,0,16,24,5,0,7,0,22,9,4,6,1,60,54,31,1,4,9,1,9,6,0,1,2,1,1,2,10,24,0,2,13,0,0,6,12,9,0,0,6,10,47,15,40,42,11,33,0,3,0,3,19,10,3,5,21,175,57,0,0.0,0.2252838947583697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984634492095388,0.10491168374503952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074016039857649,0.09428351169612267,0.13294976998631305,0.0,0.15646838468682714,0.08463211290519085,0.0,0.0,0.08932103239849247,0.07310266531512596,0.0,0.0579535546438649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056009098882182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938596162444857,0.0,0.0,0.08189405492192188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590535135739045,0.0,0.0,0.061312036491283764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866725037788106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694052038249646,0.16840692072302568,0.09823232557128722,0.0,0.06279258380737056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962317164724412,0.0,0.4326304828867216,0.135835503303886,0.0,0.1041441158066234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789032674808778,0.09933989952909192,0.0,0.10806050569217593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536257492656594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443024414353527,0.0,0.2786772691931597,0.0,0.08394821143044863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160807784850446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056009098882182,0.0957726348588857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988710556654218,0.0,0.0,0.09181882617787797,0.10110761364736587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116077281960564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590930036912743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987151499342037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517518635912529,0.0,0.0,0.09513827271892956,0.09691149966569908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948245472464112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296103720967232,0.15282671005323026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091677028024081,0.0,0.07547465459772601,0.05543585679133636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284384908515889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546183492749671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeadPrank5,2019/03/22,"Am I the only one or? Sometimes I think I’m truly not depressed, that I’m just being stupid. Somedays Ill be fine and others I feel hollow and empty, and then sometimes I just feel like I wanna die. I am a cutter, but I’ve never truly being told that I’m ‘depressed’. Am I just being weak? So many people struggle with things thousands of times worse than this, and they’re fine, so why do I act like this? Am I just weaker than most?",2.582571428571427,3.8494068444444447,3.977619047619047,89.44500000000002,75.0,5.142857142857143,20.63492063492064,3.1291,-0.2235079365079371,336,7,69,0,7,111,55,90,0.24,0.598,0.162,-0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,2,0,9,2,0,0,1,18,16,9,1,1,7,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,1,2,9,4,5,11,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39902616577342026,0.0,0.2404080265369131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342505074427741,0.16548523019476122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226337351285382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348488277695049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786567408590883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569667460917568,0.1761743272842805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605915313489133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582001073142302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216271683760626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538927812637662,0.14842696507693726,0.0,0.0,0.1350724265604524,0.0,0.0,0.22134404386646814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902105109938146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360631861695774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theschneiderspider92,2019/03/22,It really do be like that Sometimes I sit thinking to myself and groan or sigh and someone will ask me what and I can't tell them I'm sorry I'm just thinking about how much I fucking hate myself. I wake up everyday wishing I could blow my brains out instead of brushing my teeth. But then the anxiety kicks in and I rush to get dressed and go to work like nothing is wrong but I'm screaming and yelling at myself all the time because I just can't stand to be me. I hate myself so much that I don't go into stores or restaurants because I don't feel like I deserve to eat or exist. Sorry for my post. But if I do die at least there are people here that feel the same way and it's comforting knowing that it's not just me. See you on the other side some day. ,1.6132690622261163,3.1572897177914108,3.1396713409290093,93.28989263803685,78.20245398773007,5.638737949167397,23.91279579316389,6.18269132825596,0.4497225241016651,596,20,134,4,14,196,97,163,0.126,0.7809999999999999,0.093,-0.8151,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,9,10,3,0,4,0,12,5,3,1,1,31,29,17,1,3,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,9,1,0,5,0,1,3,5,5,1,0,0,6,24,4,15,25,6,19,0,0,1,1,4,8,1,5,7,94,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692056472206512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510329350938454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022741831238508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852102383313144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324654978878885,0.0,0.0,0.10699811403412374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218820824630068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976717403605351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777798869026028,0.11852601466318922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338096305486762,0.08668103773932903,0.0,0.1885807579117068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276032145413844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911797028516962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316548539442884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392562762082706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591949551021372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502098511778774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588957540339524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628608453014636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220865293277478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057485932877894,0.0,0.16408906273473756,0.3714449396377122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501250292039106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126166379732741,0.0,0.0,0.09674335523632456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169149943248695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078811492750428,0.0,0.0,0.12078433115757672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139635255318295,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peopleshit999,2019/03/22,"So angry at everything and can't take it anymore So, I've been in and out of depression far too many times. It feels worse every time it returns. I fucking hate everything now and can't help myself any more. I don't trust noone. People being generous, their patience with me and all the good things they might do to help don't mean alot to me now. It's like watching the same stupid movie over and over again. First couple of times it was interesting, but now it's just frustrating.
I feel so lonely and lost, and think about suicide a lot. Self-righteousness feeling that the whole world is fucked up haunts me like ghost and there's nothing I can do. I'm taking medications, but feel they don't work at all, yet of I stop taking them it's more chaos! My depressed and negative way of thinking cannot be fixed. Why? Cause I have no fucking respect and don't trust anyone anymore. Been isolating myself and living in my own baloon for too long to connect with others. Any social interaction just deepens my anxiety and depression. Cannot fucking relax any more or focus on things that interested me cause I'm fucked up in head like this. I'm familiar with to many sad and angry songs, and think about them lyrics too much! All of my music idols committed suicide. Meditation and mindfulness seem so fake. Fuck life!

Thanks to anyone who read this, but pease don't write anything or I might get offended. I'm a coward and a weakling.",2.899501541623845,5.394253025179862,3.562718396711201,87.20354316546766,78.10071942446044,6.70524152106886,23.597636176772863,7.83500028581142,1.2926470709146969,1143,38,220,19,28,360,154,278,0.341,0.573,0.086,-0.9984,0,2,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,5,3,17,28,10,0,7,0,21,9,1,2,4,50,47,25,3,0,7,0,4,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,15,20,0,1,9,3,0,0,11,17,0,1,4,6,22,11,27,39,12,27,0,6,1,6,11,13,6,7,16,142,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897352282324348,0.0,0.0708612440733858,0.0,0.1837269662167847,0.12953727252720235,0.0,0.07622611077535249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903118372407942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249267882300243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393447217967837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804427185462713,0.0,0.16649867941758886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734484884710573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879052767123723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138063740754415,0.0483950428776584,0.0,0.0,0.07769315319648927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145236390839584,0.09506449685186176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417508013736606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542689070099497,0.13576215051115625,0.0,0.08179346488043365,0.08197411177078183,0.0,0.0,0.10111594170585186,0.07875021076853607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878233632050774,0.0,0.10090058125292893,0.0,0.09331438409890372,0.0,0.1965303289304569,0.0935292970523854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809327342832201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888041582108626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421756882220889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265447547562053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910500886188565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432633471050414,0.09663267493711508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442401701415444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744233329517464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264307738619688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089373622802129,0.0,0.0,0.08528071432413331,0.0,0.0,0.123077726316406,0.178059554538851,0.0,0.0,0.16203885925558745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352491303604536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358363371665924,0.1034174267620446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743531270240033,0.0,0.09439728095809907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pshhanonymous,2019/03/22,"I finally understand you all So many of the posts here are people saying their last goodbyes. Talking about how nothing can ever get better and they’re giving up.

When I first joined I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand I understood but on the other I wanted to convince everyone who wrote those posts that things DO get better.

I attend a group counseling session and individual counseling. Earlier at group the two counselors that moderate asked me to stay back as they felt concerned about my behavior and all. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have because I’m just especially tired and hurt today. And I don’t like groups and was only there to appease someone. And it was frustrating feeling like they couldn’t hear me and I was getting so agitated so I asked them to let me just be alone. 

I was lying on the floor trying to put myself back together and was finally feeling like I could finish my day when someone knocked the door. They’d gone to find my individual counselor and them to come check in with me. I opened the door ready to go and the second I saw them everything in me just froze. I couldn’t do it. I got hysterical and started yelling and I couldn’t breath and in that moment I knew that I wanted nothing more than to die and stop the screaming in my head, just fucking silence it.

I understand all those posts now. Nothing is getting better. I feel like my time is almost here and it takes such a weight off my shoulders. I’m not good anymore. I will never be good again.

They have to understand there’s nothing they could do, we all just have to let me go. ",3.4771589161046026,5.5044810159744415,4.387980120695777,84.2506271447166,74.30351437699679,7.320743107324578,26.928055851378538,8.167268648758528,1.7909492131108742,1270,48,245,21,27,410,156,313,0.134,0.7490000000000001,0.117,-0.9177,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,1,9,4,25,15,2,0,11,0,29,7,4,2,7,58,62,25,1,8,7,0,8,4,0,1,1,4,2,0,15,20,1,1,11,0,1,6,8,4,0,4,14,13,46,11,30,37,5,41,0,1,1,1,23,12,1,1,23,180,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927719606678045,0.09595370262209564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188030803394001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322370641345125,0.0,0.0,0.14247868553949952,0.0,0.056476369585192886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581456652255165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980664759948708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794118162716435,0.0,0.0,0.0597492466886868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615230907817797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380394925052566,0.0,0.08852758048489946,0.08326458694191795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737916131847013,0.1985597639659126,0.08895504778564338,0.20297914806303047,0.08467710726649964,0.07880495826669337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565007973870402,0.19361562599007373,0.08887484382406609,0.10530613858869192,0.15541476561254788,0.07409776857357049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950819080475582,0.0,0.10441919666006053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991798593621728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551916003292401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947438848691964,0.0,0.18104935405213388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939288816585082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145459497936267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35558677757473484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277958062641095,0.0704617421169058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422933035984849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661888489697605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313519481740876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367611503709798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699794382514035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557558025788912,0.09874870752969346,0.0,0.07745651696694322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731811092694958,0.0,0.06965854315021461,0.07446564591676046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155013408714985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402284563317589,0.10648337790612417,0.08781792955175613,0.0,0.0,0.06290080637509779,0.0,0.0905020452048662,0.28934442757690937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393569504099456,0.0,0.0,0.11281832426844147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlackMoonKnight,2019/03/22,"A confession of sorts ig I hate to post here but idk what to do anymore, every night I put my gun to my head and it feels good and when I don’t I miss it, but tonight is the last straw I catfished/bullied an autistic kid. I can’t stand myself anymore, I make my self sick I can’t be here anymore I’m a fucking idiot and shouldn’t take up other peoples air  fuck I hate that I was born, why did anyone give birth to such an asshole 
",0.4567251461988313,2.13040194736842,2.3140350877193008,97.27269005847955,82.15789473684211,4.643274853801169,22.13450292397661,5.033348758259628,-0.15832163742690095,335,11,80,1,9,111,65,95,0.281,0.68,0.039,-0.9757,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,5,0,9,4,1,1,0,10,19,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,1,14,1,6,15,0,11,1,1,0,2,4,2,2,1,6,48,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5708045992090321,0.13414918969175965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164576612006498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700744494402863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547329526395953,0.0,0.1840444040523604,0.0,0.16091852703966886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788333743442355,0.1968981586894852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563870967841938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806442814432414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004253548759153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300781548669813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374366305874493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286685285661148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014617858869888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442507745680598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311892578605986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JLReaper,2019/03/22,"My life will never change. Should I just give up?  

I    normally don’t like discussing my personal life online, but in this    case, I feel that I have no other option. For many years now, more than  I   would like to admit, I’ve been extremely depressed. Nothing gives  me   any joy, happiness, or contentment. To make matters worse, I have a  very   uncaring family, one that doesn’t seem interested in helping me,  let   alone actually accepting me. They call me selfish and ungrateful,  like   it’s my fault that I’m filled with misery, most of which I can’t  escape.   Alone and with no one to talk to, I stay up late into the  night,   occasionally until sunrise. They call me lazy and unproductive,  even   though I get very little sleep. In the last two years, maybe  even three,   I haven’t slept more than five hours, and that’s on a good  night. No   matter how many times I tell them, regardless of how hard I  try, they   don’t seem to understand that these are symptoms of my  depression. In   other words, they blame me, not the illness.

I    have no job, no girlfriend, and no future. After going to college for    three years, learning one useless thing after another, I dropped out,    certain that higher education didn’t really suit my needs. Due to a    disability that I have, one that cannot be seen by the naked eye, I do    not have the ability to drive a car. My fine motor skills are  impaired,   making it very difficult for me to perform complex tasks  with my hands,   such as tying knots and driving cars. From food to  transportation, I’m   completely dependent on my parents. I’m trapped in  my house so much,   often very alone, that I feel like I’m going to go  insane. I can go an   entire month without leaving the house,  occasionally even longer.   Whenever my parents leave the house, it's  always very early in the   morning, which is a very bad time for me, to  say the least. They won't   go anywhere in the afternoon, irrespective  of how many times I beg them   to. My father seems to think that I have  some kind of sinister motive,   as if I'm using my depression to get my  own way, my every action one of   manipulation and malice.

More  than   anything else, I long to have a kind and supportive wife, one  that will   love and comfort me. Unfortunately, due to my situation,  meeting people   can be very difficult, if not downright impossible.  I've tried online  dating, but most women don't respond to me, and of  the few who do  respond, when they discover that I don't have a car,  they stop  contacting me. Even if I could  meet people, most women want  men with  money and status, not starving  artists. Around where I live,  which is  in a very small town, most of the  women are white trash. I  want an  intelligent and worldly woman,  specifically a woman who will  teach me,  guide me, and give me  confidence. Most likely, I will never  find this  woman, at least not in  the near future. In the meantime, I  would still  like someone to talk to,  preferably someone that I can  meet in person,  not just online. I've tried contacting my friends from  high school, but  they have no interest in seeing me. To tell you the  truth, other than  being somewhat shy, we never really had that much in  common anyway.

As   an author, I’ve  written several books, all of which haven’t done that   well. I used to  write a lot, but ever since my latest episode of   depression, I have  hardly written anything. My books tend to be very  metaphorical and  poetic, two styles of writing that are very unpopular,  to say the  least. I constantly get bullied for self-promoting, even on  forums that  are for self-promotion. Every week is the same, each  moment  another  reminder of how dark and lonely my life is. My future,  what’s  left of  it, is bleak and without hope, comparable to a lost and  lonely   graveyard. I'd love to move, and maybe even find some friends, but as    of now, I can't afford it. My heart is beating very fast, the    loneliness almost too much to bear. On some nights, long after everyone    else is asleep, I will occasionally come close to having a nervous    breakdown. My life is empty, occupied with nothing except silent and    negative thoughts, nine out of ten of them being extremely harmful. I    would just like some advice, any at all, that could help me cope with my    situation.

Do you know what the   saddest part of all of this is? Most of this post wast written three   years ago, and nothing, literally nothing, has changed. After writing   this post, I developed chronic nerve pain, sometimes referred to as   fibromyalgia,  just one of many conditions that has crippled my life. At   this point, the prospect of getting a job looks, at best, very grim. I   hate, with every fiber of my being, the idea of working a job that I   have no passion for. There are so few realistic options available to me,   and all of them are terrible. Ironically enough, my current situation   seems to be the least objectionable option. Unless some type of miracle   occurs, I don't see how my situation will ever change. When I wrote  the  first three paragraphs of this post, I was 21, I'm now 24, and my  life  has stayed the same.",7.264578503688092,7.008167478398312,7.318859325605903,75.09523314014753,63.88935721812434,10.376923076923076,33.42386722866175,9.89779108753395,3.1175275026343527,3943,144,730,73,52,1270,411,949,0.172,0.708,0.12,-0.9961,7,8,0,0,0,0,156.0,1,2,12,8,34,47,1,1,41,0,74,20,6,12,11,142,127,48,0,16,23,4,5,7,3,11,10,2,0,9,45,37,1,1,20,3,1,15,33,19,1,17,13,13,100,28,120,93,36,109,0,9,6,3,61,37,0,28,57,515,145,12,0.0,0.0,0.04313934298637927,0.0,0.0,0.043198256264014336,0.03918655472017368,0.0,0.04426660458007568,0.13735436595468686,0.0,0.0,0.0367834992509622,0.0,0.0,0.06012411689735207,0.09270911728544673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275666230514008,0.03935331773979675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691073145398558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639218353604073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027992617775983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402944181697144,0.03808014066661792,0.04634986312398391,0.04777171658696185,0.0,0.07059087402117986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230059552347014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452387820776738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385801766208958,0.0,0.0,0.04567731783863952,0.0,0.17518857209975486,0.07997494624491999,0.11173810406473664,0.042241377368192785,0.0,0.0,0.04167412380018717,0.0,0.044704451543997034,0.03158126116886283,0.0,0.0,0.08080820966526414,0.037602179596401504,0.05345489317315635,0.0,0.06830794292853222,0.0,0.0923846633673744,0.12722122741687075,0.12561837550928284,0.03707846598128069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04705883309437324,0.07920100476728988,0.04364494456170924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05238512888564215,0.05926161180447729,0.046706784748046085,0.0,0.043907208075866934,0.04353467524086542,0.15302572095009515,0.0,0.049903961091883935,0.0,0.0,0.1316049266919941,0.0,0.0,0.092068909445262,0.02429483533417948,0.03603434455123082,0.049867060774746966,0.09361698278531827,0.048030687385928604,0.04520432560025039,0.18734691343901586,0.15118005686549213,0.044306707073491006,0.039035308521848985,0.07824304175045327,0.0371224776323491,0.0,0.04825681350869676,0.03758293866147002,0.0797965096517608,0.0,0.05901660460999534,0.1792745408459978,0.08882310408814646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03528535038050583,0.04698470502018532,0.09749098930175117,0.03277869322860015,0.10228475108035348,0.0,0.0,0.12445492417938656,0.043313160630539485,0.1696700076563836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968913407687886,0.0,0.04703902453709345,0.0,0.09817257371174766,0.047871526748685375,0.0,0.06129469182317648,0.07719913604160993,0.0,0.0,0.041789601652212266,0.0,0.12701333933388698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566398626276407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030985284490629,0.0,0.04473952044593462,0.07045400132482875,0.1609764054745974,0.09223441713774803,0.049940965696443004,0.0,0.03656822268190789,0.1987606429351112,0.04423860573725362,0.0,0.07491235335726026,0.0,0.04372153708116778,0.0,0.0,0.09423687841767224,0.03530351191301339,0.036958764092559535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016521681979896,0.0,0.04594766716489555,0.0,0.07106331005336015,0.07727717396882441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02936895402310978,0.028325855685608067,0.04343283884839737,0.035095166145893884,0.07733181217859647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900403021623533,0.0,0.08636700615000067,0.04602071312207149,0.0,0.07636075624710742,0.0,0.4377016903717779,0.052148490676867484,0.03508920509235836,0.035459932351798014,0.0,0.039747114510011256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522732439036543,0.0,0.03218298968571097,0.0,0.04505038380767422,0.09420947179058084,0.0,0.0,0.11387061070728872
suicidewatch,JayzRaptor,2019/03/22,"I have been trying for 3 years now to give life another chance but i think today is my last day. Time after time I have been dealing with money problem , death in my family , being homeless and much more... but now im done , my fucking car broke AGAIN and i just dont have the money, even today i was considering : food or not eating . Just to save money . Fuck money , fuck whatever made me come on this fucking planet , fuck whoever is the "" god "" that decided we need to feel pain. Idk what to expect from here but i wish you all happiness and some good luck.",1.896181818181816,4.118433709090913,3.542727272727273,87.47409090909092,80.0909090909091,6.545454545454546,20.0,7.686295010490155,0.7688181818181818,428,11,86,7,11,142,80,110,0.231,0.597,0.172,-0.8902,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,0,7,12,5,0,2,0,11,9,0,1,1,25,23,7,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,3,0,4,2,2,8,0,0,5,1,12,4,10,17,4,15,0,1,0,5,4,2,5,3,11,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515388381964646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448873301661957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320160967417804,0.14899084156577153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789122533366808,0.16937302990687014,0.0,0.0,0.14787712879640472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545221821623308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623791248258066,0.0,0.0730722160618705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475071804287015,0.0,0.0,0.6680189075823447,0.0,0.13863402407569658,0.0,0.12121413344084216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384119928670933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610332717934455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780077015838045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207674079069508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674562678728935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623673762976253,0.10715763961308117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377644264045015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382834003195986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260075788018723,0.0,0.0,0.16853823106509513,0.0,0.27397073088210105,0.0,0.0,0.09811766221101058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618759665497032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306430994361983
suicidewatch,little_glitter_shit,2019/03/22,"I've been done with living for so long now I've been depressed for years and suicidal thoughts have always trailed with it. Every time, every single time, life seems to start looking up it just fucks me over again. I started doing fine at the beginning of this year and then my fucking dad died. I've been cutting for over a year now and I just want to cut too deep and end it. I have so many plans and ideas but no fucking courage to just go through with it. I hate myself so much but I've let too many people get close and now I don't want to hurt them. I've been at the end of my rope for so long and I'm exhausted. It's a mystery how I haven't even tried to just end it yet but here I am. I'm sorry for such a long ramble I just need to get it out somewhere. I can't talk to friends without fear of being hospitalized since one called the cops and another said that they might. I just want to stop being such an emotional burden on people and just stop being in general. I haven't harmed in like a day or two and it's all I can think about. I want it all to stop.",0.7743652037617572,2.5305562327586237,2.3063479623824463,97.30981191222573,81.5,5.425078369905957,19.59717868338558,6.351523495107088,-0.1870155172413797,834,21,201,7,22,271,122,232,0.177,0.7240000000000001,0.099,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,1,24,16,6,1,8,0,19,5,0,1,2,44,41,20,2,5,12,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,11,15,0,3,4,0,0,1,6,12,0,2,7,2,19,4,32,29,4,36,0,2,1,3,7,11,3,3,25,134,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363965899601727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800468015837172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491268739542095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725769464167858,0.0,0.09692780812129398,0.0,0.11679546388554685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516425063984907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658878846222982,0.2990226901842145,0.0,0.0,0.07432951588562775,0.0,0.1896342685270712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663522260719492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869456769040244,0.31211546215023805,0.11759169940794165,0.0,0.06395727478817934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110682259387338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047300572771408,0.1270403848016794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507653487430655,0.07948809224073894,0.054979811445570036,0.0,0.0993720840383246,0.298774663810646,0.0945025953856067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818936769654505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938379423775182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082727519850825,0.08344463465315599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625786954154237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603773859111764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704829748923314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244930486494973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309162999044213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125975769405968,0.1593082972049453,0.0,0.0,0.2822574907511818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309702826040192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045284238897992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210905762592319,0.0,0.08934167377303312,0.13124226296040256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640512151800029,0.0,0.1099321321935057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655085559327866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848148973820104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741008958017688
suicidewatch,virginiannecktie,2019/03/22,"I'm wilting from my inside/out I just wish there was some sense of happiness that was just for me. I feel defeated for recently being blessed with a beautiful baby girl but cursed by her mother and her unrelenting sociopathic behavior. All the while I'm staying someplace where I have no friends or family I can speak to. Ive been so adamant about being a difference for my daughter, i feel i lost my way while being here. Anyone that does know me and I speak with from afar writes me off to tell me about their proud lives they lead. I avoid telling my mom anything because I think she's already worried about my mind state. I always ask myself is it chemical, am I just being a baby or if I'm an organic Bukowski. Either way, it feels terrible this time of night alone thinking, then again in the morning to just go through the motions again. I keep telling myself don't kill myself, it'll turn around. But the sadness has been here as long as I can remember and I don't know how much longer I can endure it. I hope anyone reading this that has it resonate with you find your way/happiness too, because the void, the pain is too deep.",4.483116666666668,5.6668809866666665,4.9459305555555595,84.64956250000002,70.24444444444444,8.113888888888889,29.618055555555557,8.472884824447931,2.0963388888888894,902,35,179,14,16,287,137,225,0.121,0.7659999999999999,0.113,-0.26,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,2,4,18,12,1,1,10,0,21,1,0,2,1,36,38,15,1,3,10,3,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,10,7,0,2,9,1,0,3,3,7,0,0,5,5,36,5,23,28,4,21,1,3,0,0,19,5,0,5,9,128,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403297573441317,0.1495197582523794,0.0,0.11274092719830522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894795389651048,0.0,0.11149909246223907,0.12061738607422295,0.12666754915642578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651903995988712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156121755572565,0.0,0.0,0.11857072912964944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773062522829876,0.0,0.20552780810393234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238380342873254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468146013283648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700372404178463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28846937262452793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457499829988753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043229398633595,0.1499027926977592,0.0,0.14892668275076593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964269212668885,0.11990693182257613,0.0,0.0,0.14790648006290094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680918039628165,0.15868761916247326,0.0,0.0,0.09960285409833564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715088587819065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441739733523863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135529542607032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378286937416967,0.0,0.15348701610203366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441737824609507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35528023795678304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363672835434776,0.0,0.0,0.07900698578146735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737734166688796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32264381562288363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581012097966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759959287398416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hawkwind12345,2019/03/22,"I dont see living life a practical choice anymore. Don't get me wrong I'm fully aware I have things in life to be grateful for, a good relationship with my parents, a supportive boyfriend, and I'm studying at uni with a little part time job in the side. However no matter what I do or where I go (different jobs, cities, schools) my life always ends up back in the same place; with a very bad relationship with food and body image (fairly overweight) no friends, very very poor mental health, and overall stuck in a very deep rut that never seems to go away. I often wonder if I'm maybe just not a good fit for this world, and I have no place here and I am only prolonging the inevitable. ",4.746074614760747,5.431561109489052,5.161265206812653,85.17130575831307,69.2919708029197,8.132684509326845,27.63098134630981,8.167268648758528,1.618841686942417,540,17,111,7,9,172,91,137,0.13,0.743,0.127,-0.1079,5,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,10,0,7,7,1,0,1,19,18,7,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,9,2,0,2,0,1,2,7,2,0,0,1,1,10,4,15,16,2,21,0,0,1,0,4,15,0,5,4,65,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877665505911373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964762837083196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282380880574495,0.10052221236984868,0.10915290782849438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520998713895436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658354702655667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532129278500942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578672389370112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807752373548584,0.0,0.10100058038306688,0.0,0.06830028997038905,0.0,0.14859213484428938,0.21929786922386668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895837257090626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594558974606985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770123967883831,0.0,0.13102438566967642,0.1154357354975187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133443461640373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174366585606134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082594381214627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942497964808213,0.0,0.0,0.14515862281140704,0.1415663180049046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731670940531133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807071526831006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323043071528953,0.10417375665319237,0.1190103938419362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483492489048654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685026292421638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076228889128208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43145909408565797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417695737817274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293118543655803,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaynsq2,2019/03/22,"A common suicide deterrent is ""people love and care about you."" Who are these people? When depression/suicide pops up in popular subreddits, this is the common phrase you always see. But to whom are people referring? 

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I am 28, have lived alone for nine years, the last text I've received was 87 days ago and it was something automated. I did get a phone call this evening, but it was just my boss asking me to work over the weekend. If/when I end it, it will take at the very least a few weeks before anyone finds out.",4.062058823529412,5.743902607843139,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,71.94117647058823,7.452941176470588,25.495098039215684,8.07648339933343,1.4513098039215686,414,13,81,6,8,130,77,102,0.043,0.887,0.07,0.4039,1,1,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,0,9,17,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,7,3,9,12,2,16,0,0,1,1,9,5,0,0,10,53,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453936167509384,0.0,0.0,0.19224450715180788,0.0,0.0,0.15444923724855567,0.2011172750740465,0.2255464668481975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978858252554953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352798879276896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579474426308404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953696658762245,0.0,0.18925015668631132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970840278667215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644026577133926,0.0,0.0,0.1225990905635174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965169981611974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697786426737463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130363190075408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390429811551746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752769994400513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860529283070009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479136975452911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289798223830913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060724339714141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956180877737429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531544795831159,0.0,0.0,0.14889174809754735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513228242433106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255464668481975,0.1195320546366174
suicidewatch,IwantToDieSoFkngBad,2019/03/22,"Guys I just can't take it anymore I want to die so bad After I wrote this shitty piece that nobody gives a crap about. I realised that it is incoherent and essentially are rambling of a mentally ill twat. It is 2 am here and I have been popping valium, zopiclone and crying like a little bitch whilst looking at a few pictures of my beloved grandma and ma. They are the only thing that forces me to at least do something. They have invested heavily in me and soon will rely on my income to support them and I am happy to oblige as if I kill myself right now I would be effectively killing them as well. My plan is to somehow outlive them and then put a knife through my throat so that I would bleed out like an animal at them slaughter houses. 

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Miserable SHIT BELOW

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I gotta preface by saying I am fucking retarded asshole who fucks people over and I deserve everything and more that's coming my way. I have always been a shitty human being with massive trust issues because I was a bully then got bullied to shit. Became a laughing stock since about 12 and have been ever since. Everywhere I go it smells like shit, thus I am shit. I started studying and actually graduated at the top of a class by utilising shitty means to ace exams and get a good overall score. I did learn english through and a bit of maths once again solely with the help of my parents. 

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I think I always had general sadness inside of me ever since I was a kid due to childhood and being a weak miserable cunt. Mental illness progressed over the years since where I come from mental health support is essentially non existent. You are simply viewed as a pussy and shamed. I only realised that I have a problem when I came to study in the uk in 2012 due-to the fact that my depression got exponentially worse since I chose a wrong degree to study and most importantly it opened my eyes on what other people have or can do. Being a typical basic idiot that I am I dove deep into depression and isolation which of course as I later found out resulted in crippling social and generalized anxiety with which I suffer to this day. 

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Guys I just can't take it anymore I want to die so bad. I literally only exist because I know it will be a chain reaction for my 88 year old grandma who is the most important person in my life. Same deal, with my 57 year old mom and dad who have high blood pressure and struggles as is. 

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I am 26 year old male originally from a shithole called Latvia currently living in the UK. I came to the UK in 2012 to study. I graduated from a russell group uni with a 2:1 in BSc Computer science a couple years ago. Did a placement and worked for one of the top gambling companies as a dba which was a bloody miserable experience with management doing their absolu best to push me out. I started abusing booze, weed and popping benzos as if they were skittles. I have been on different ""antidepressants"" since 2015 when I did my placement. It's around that time when NHS introduced me to benzos and I got hooked up until the end of 2018. Obviously, I ended up spending tons of cash buying from online vendors. I quit my job at that crap gambling company in september and went back to latvia to be with my parents. It was difficult due to withdrawals but I got through it thanks to my loving parents. 

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As a result, I got ""smart"" and went back to the uk to ""chill"" but told my parents I am going to work because I am a piece of shit. Three months later and I only started looking for jobs. During these three months I have been back at it again abusing weed, occasionally alcohol and maybe since 2-3 weeks ago benzos. ""Reasoning"" for getting back on benzos was because I am in the process of interviewing with several companies. Because of my mental health my mind goes berserk and I function with minimal efficiency. From being a good student in school and first two years of uni (except first year before I switched degrees) I went to a complete burden on society. I started doing drugs and drinking more and more since 2014. I actually did feel pretty good as I got to talking with the same junkies. However, as it always does it fucked me up eventually. So during three months I have wasted more than 3 grand on drugs, booze, shitty delivery fast food. I have a bit left just barely enough to find a job and get me to the first paycheck if I can or kill myself or go back to Latvia which is not preferred as it is complete and utter shite. 

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Basically, the only choice I have is to work to get money for them and I will try. Though, I am not sure how I will be able to maintain 9-5 again and get up every morning. I don't really have any friends nor I ever had them. Same deal with hobbies they are non existent except for drug abuse. I was on track to get a perm residence in the UK but I bailed to latvia and screwed up since you can't leave UK for such prolonged time and still apply for residence. Also, them close to my intelligence brexiters  did not make life easier (obv even they are smarter) . Hence, I am thinking what the fuck should I do to run out the clock on this life shit and keep my parents happy. I guess I could go back and live with my parents where I would have to share a room with my mom since I come from dirt poor background. Maybe get into freelance or something. I don't know nor I have drive to do anything except lay in bed and contemplate suicide. 

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TL;DR: I am a massive selfish asshole incapable of normal human contact as I push everyone away by being a massive dick. Ramblings above have plot holes that would essentially go more in depth why I deserve to suffer. I would elaborate but it doesn't really changes the fact that I am worse than shit. Calling myself shit is offensive to feces. Also, I didn't event spell check what I wrote because I am a lazy disgusting excuse of a ""human being"" and I want to kill myself so so bad. For now I relieve this a bit by self harming e.g. burning myself on the hot oven or with a torch lighter.",4.953896809571287,6.339734492372884,5.514117647058827,80.25508973080758,69.33050847457625,8.061415752741775,30.57726819541376,8.459396073886902,2.3585785643070802,4871,197,890,74,85,1569,481,1180,0.18600000000000005,0.741,0.073,-0.9993,14,1,7,0,1,8,158.0,0,2,13,14,44,67,24,6,61,0,100,37,14,8,7,140,160,83,8,16,21,10,2,3,1,11,13,1,3,9,44,69,5,1,12,1,9,18,12,45,1,8,35,8,134,22,158,103,20,139,0,8,4,7,56,58,18,12,65,621,178,18,0.02425633638897017,0.08621937658635209,0.047341370594089896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043003557330464334,0.025922646776862943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879556689337297,0.060549645030652764,0.4205076854921421,0.4715856592147363,0.016495140529716866,0.0,0.01855603094504988,0.0,0.04811153565167564,0.0,0.0,0.019960898074318237,0.021593282028135232,0.0,0.0,0.02278962650720439,0.1119097525729676,0.060759083090826775,0.08871862514124945,0.0,0.020640355703421067,0.0,0.025455528543192996,0.0,0.07944491100213025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953686294825888,0.055485573734471966,0.0,0.0,0.025659987624103427,0.06268405798887461,0.050864614415446166,0.0,0.0,0.01936671085053697,0.02683917485150384,0.02664444653347441,0.015643330294243512,0.05001443544974318,0.04178389397732425,0.0,0.050348495180238914,0.02534270882844353,0.0,0.0,0.021226883434554183,0.0,0.0,0.02376197517748188,0.0843889480022299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042967828757103685,0.02506327961723741,0.0,0.016021081417957925,0.06582373489586871,0.020437009574917432,0.02317796890212049,0.021800031088807112,0.023727351414445395,0.0,0.0,0.012264732499624044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02216985201893354,0.06189728202330853,0.02933085824437448,0.02659582085259008,0.018740385323674363,0.08969836852082252,0.0887105423391074,0.023268888125620828,0.06892717478671595,0.061035192386949225,0.1164000484125524,0.0,0.02672108921599561,0.04803517320171001,0.0,0.051642642261602284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156670260809864,0.0,0.0,0.016258510979899853,0.025628151160227267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027988555474807872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025317313196044543,0.07221201315584347,0.021560146293851782,0.10734416935667812,0.0,0.026661296242757496,0.0,0.0,0.025683957897432653,0.0263545804596985,0.0,0.05139890320985935,0.03555126217432164,0.024311221429962383,0.042837578856288284,0.0,0.04073842690461788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021892290621646902,0.0,0.016191292893176494,0.0,0.04873750035184871,0.02642226131626831,0.0,0.0,0.09777872771550594,0.0,0.02449198504863197,0.0568174560314219,0.05808352886018446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023766059553330898,0.0,0.0,0.07635883405575879,0.025832206613072888,0.016436721296086053,0.09224018428095702,0.0,0.0,0.16160274609644212,0.0,0.0,0.033632578989064923,0.021179697324338883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024677414417924984,0.0,0.023210038034460128,0.0,0.02438431771598061,0.0,0.02579959952113298,0.0,0.0,0.031078460419530538,0.024939553694982103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020714778741810186,0.0,0.019289612274563318,0.0,0.02454870740963296,0.0,0.0,0.02530464896409455,0.027402755827882336,0.19919024584286155,0.20065092119020075,0.0,0.0,0.02472628027608446,0.0,0.03734742561920963,0.0,0.0,0.06867503897116528,0.0,0.01937114157341864,0.0,0.0,0.0253579894090177,0.0,0.026532495046828343,0.055051606167224605,0.022861309984654587,0.0,0.036475492452390984,0.01949632437576213,0.0,0.022331975605391945,0.0,0.0,0.016114832078084954,0.031084961860232317,0.02383172734601656,0.0,0.028288129625397132,0.0,0.0,0.02317796890212049,0.0,0.016468460180372846,0.0,0.023694916068495712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042921046986659835,0.0192535507860407,0.01945696993157573,0.0,0.021809359482575917,0.06745760053923197,0.021887570759268726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297670534822714,0.0,0.04943855811430604,0.08615502711217189,0.026520496017859763,0.4715856592147363,0.10934199751488513
suicidewatch,_nomnomzombies,2019/03/22,"A friend of mine just went MIA on messenger... (not sure where to post. If i’m in the wrong place, pls direct me)  We used to work together, and a few months ago we reconnected over messenger. He’s been battling hard with his depression, and a few weeks ago he started posting a lot about his suicidal ideations. Around the same time, he started to push me away, too. I wasn’t sure if it was because the conversation had run dry, or maybe he was just enjoying his conversation with other people more than me, or if it was just the mental illness. I reached out a few times, tried to let him know that i’m here to talk, but he left me on read. I let it go, gave him space, this was a few weeks ago. Today, i sent him a stupid meme over messenger, and commented on a post. In the mean time, he’s been posting a lot (sarcastically, satirically, but frequently) about his ideations. I went to respond on fb, and i’m either blocked or he deleted his account. My googling is leading me to believe that he deleted his account, but ultimately i don’t know—i might be blocked. I don’t have his number.... I feel so sick right now.... idk, maybe i’m jumping to conclusions??  
  
  
  
I have lost a lot of people. Several to suicide.",3.5467916666666714,4.838070762500003,4.605833333333333,85.78916666666667,72.625,8.166666666666668,29.583333333333336,8.680891452615391,2.1212083333333336,933,39,199,17,18,305,126,240,0.168,0.7909999999999999,0.041,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,1,49.0,2,0,0,4,12,9,2,0,15,0,17,2,0,2,2,39,33,14,2,3,14,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,4,1,2,8,4,5,0,0,13,2,28,4,27,16,10,42,0,2,0,0,28,16,0,10,14,126,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973866207551557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955072823415087,0.0,0.0,0.10506619197676592,0.0,0.0,0.0681693788623414,0.0,0.0,0.1259919872067394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963173886322921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654365326881585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639812159770548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355449288532956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017602268749506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291561112269456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150157042593313,0.22870364133429924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220735938660704,0.28521678433825143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469273758463126,0.12181359703449852,0.0,0.0,0.11269643421046888,0.11863195432631465,0.0,0.0,0.08926013175311684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505506418114232,0.0,0.1168365751908568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284016749572307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118583738456159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550059626274413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633393546816432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830502589139295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446436072422164,0.0,0.21079334344762127,0.0,0.0,0.08988320010674906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956236134637429,0.0,0.10599997405091037,0.0,0.0,0.0759239471663036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965835834118581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940353146821875,0.0,0.0,0.2073315595674312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141219708966882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226648493123195,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathbutinatracksuit,2019/03/22,"Not suicidal I'm not sure if this is the right place for this and I'm sorry if it isn't. I don't really have anywhere else to turn. I've been struggling with various mental health difficulties for 6 years, I've only recently stopped self harming but im thinking about ending it all. I don't want to and probably won't do anything to myself at all. I started hyperventilating at work today over making too many mistakes and I only started the job yesterday. And managed to make a scene by crying and mess it all up. Im18 on Sunday and it feels like I'll never have a good life because I can't do anything right and I can't handle working which is something I have to and want to be able to do. I feel like giving up and ending it before all the failure to stay in school and be normal really starts taking it's toll on my life and I'm jobless and homeless because of my own incapacity to do things I should.",2.2379224030037577,4.167431978723407,4.288898623279099,84.01029411764708,77.61702127659575,6.551188986232791,24.888610763454317,7.5105763829236425,1.2923331664580728,724,26,144,10,17,248,106,188,0.16399999999999998,0.773,0.063,-0.9308,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,1,5,0,19,3,0,2,6,35,35,15,1,7,5,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,10,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,1,2,12,4,23,30,6,24,0,0,0,0,2,11,0,2,14,94,22,5,0.13100383330738471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156099851239491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971744170112406,0.0,0.11147461325633852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390155942205746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943689268358918,0.0,0.2320610246251143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247894868996146,0.18717832938119847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567081410707767,0.0,0.1098797999434616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925094879032646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141506620342638,0.0,0.13000109033448895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506376341726108,0.12800371138953892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489215198823274,0.1328173251089943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202105154341212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010382323768024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283559418937512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926863697816605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368711230616289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124428955700602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784882032315795,0.0,0.1293504809708327,0.0,0.0,0.22375311570344453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258287326793847,0.0,0.0,0.13666556901402166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085315114824336,0.0,0.14664806594581298,0.2781755624639896,0.13963265569101202,0.0,0.109525070608322,0.0,0.13695365055458072,0.0,0.1432969308557351,0.0,0.1234695625255258,0.0,0.0984985790189371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703312575653006,0.08394196668042615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241763160992329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249455194070895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453891015395654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074470179180086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436217352056505
suicidewatch,purplepenguiinz,2019/03/22,"No life or friends Nothing to look forward to. I'm poor, have lived in trailer park all my life. All my friends abandoned me. 

I'm like, one step away from slitting my fucking throat.",1.779166666666665,4.2677952500000025,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,82.6111111111111,3.6,31.222222222222214,3.1291,0.7870222222222232,143,8,30,0,4,42,28,36,0.184,0.622,0.193,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,3,5,5,2,4,0,1,1,1,2,3,1,1,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093503520578183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087704965893272,0.3043953119652536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651317650548663,0.16085967104740265,0.0,0.2907423712343002,0.0,0.2764952444754037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159335882137803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311491230508115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,artisticgovernment8,2019/03/22,"I am in trouble I am thinking this year may be the year. It's time. I have never known anyone to have as much failure who has tried as hard as I have to get well. Every time something seems like it will turn the corner for me, and I put my everything into it, I'm back to square one. I'm stuck in a pattern. I feel discarded by society. If people really could understand maybe they wouldn't hate me. But maybe there's nothing to understand and the reason nothing has worked is because I'm an actual piece of shit. Like I'm just not a good person. To my core I am never going to get better because this is actually all I am. Nothing to work with. It's matter of time now. I think I finally crossed into the territory of ending it. I think people will love me unconditionally after I'm gone. They'll forget all the bad times and remember me fondly. To be liked and accepted is all I have ever wanted. The more hateful faces I see the harder it gets to be hopeful. I am genetic trash and I need to end this waste of a life once and for all.
",1.4189682539682522,3.426539203703705,3.8269841269841303,85.94500000000002,80.57407407407408,6.706878306878308,21.85978835978836,7.793537801064563,1.04162328042328,812,25,169,14,21,282,120,216,0.133,0.737,0.13,-0.1408,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,3,6,15,3,0,11,0,23,4,2,1,7,39,49,11,0,6,4,0,2,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,9,0,0,11,0,0,4,4,5,1,1,2,4,23,10,26,38,7,24,0,0,2,1,5,5,1,4,18,117,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.225293731878336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071408912099301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876156828002997,0.09638251141484803,0.1407349068715142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209193208092664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216460163641392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044804020229544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441660007418438,0.09725806620692214,0.0,0.10374457472243608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836686434411696,0.0,0.0,0.12645222997389452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809283950928325,0.0,0.06560376364544128,0.09682050530862496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340612940124334,0.2279342186791113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146519404212294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815343998514499,0.1691855649240107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418363033476817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193779983337626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485722190699314,0.08559279780753895,0.17805952903528915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322859126366543,0.0,0.0,0.12293337006254673,0.07822101967410383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005470771235525,0.1007924567956976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604298457354167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394993259683208,0.11868530743434165,0.0,0.0,0.13076414228405267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198589840162584,0.10508671615949017,0.0,0.0,0.11849127221219448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886668032854475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218962075316984,0.0,0.0,0.26924181582353496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837206244276247,0.1255589701630732,0.0,0.2403415881008531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808592379422425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378896778960402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807455439423633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867133492048273
suicidewatch,tardthenard,2019/03/22,"Everyone else is always doing so well, I wish I had their lives, and not mine. No one has time for my shit. Everyone is always busy, and I’m always a boring after thought. It’s like everyone found their passions in life  as a kid and are just so put together. My girlfriend can never hang out, because she’s always busy riding horses or playing sports, or acting, or playing music. I just sit around all day on the weekends, I don’t have any passions like that and have way too much free time. I wish my parents had pushed me into stuff as a kid, or at least I hadn’t been so lazy and lost. My friends are all going to better colleges, and moving out of state next year, while I’m just going to our state school. I was informed today that my grandparents aren’t going to come to my graduation, although they have literally traveled halfway around the world to see my cousin, but wouldn’t drive the few hours to see my graduation. I’m just so lost, and everyone around me is smarter, busier, and just so fucking superior. I was doing really well, but these last few weeks have just been, blow after blow, and I’m beginning to hate myself again. ",6.764066666666667,6.114479062222222,6.878944444444446,79.13975000000002,65.04444444444445,9.633333333333333,31.19444444444445,8.841846274778883,2.3336444444444444,899,28,177,12,12,289,126,225,0.069,0.773,0.158,0.9424,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,3,3,19,18,3,0,6,0,23,5,1,0,3,38,42,24,0,3,13,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,5,16,0,0,3,5,1,12,7,6,2,1,11,2,25,13,22,30,6,42,0,2,2,3,12,10,2,4,18,123,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37930161818349895,0.0,0.0,0.07749797903751279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043506749674687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947009776451944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079001237561758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981680595214552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734959778630623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520051852571912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355817993481476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495330750327655,0.08804665752028952,0.1053559118032734,0.0,0.0,0.19430146971270149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251375232708707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222948538209976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289413376098296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049463853374847,0.11135202579932152,0.0,0.1006304184629888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488056849532771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112343174884645,0.083775086550294,0.0,0.08789441912431155,0.0,0.12119974086116456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722351198855665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654116937070176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456315511787606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730068916288369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533549585724115,0.1816257102653908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698022115207825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045907520088876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047299455344836,0.1329041648823771,0.0,0.10802252687711146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045762735553256,0.09141333747198184,0.0,0.20493081352745046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621010509918952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338770743733695
suicidewatch,roxasofhearts,2019/03/22,"Unending feeling of loneliness with no relief insight. I've been meaning to call the suicide prevention hotline, but I don't want to give into how I'm feeling to justify calling.

I am alone and have been feeling suicidal for the past couple of weeks or so. I've done an ok job at managing my depression without meds or therapy for years now. However, it has been a struggle as of late. 

I moved to NYC for college about 7 months ago and haven't made any real connections since starting. I really tried too; asking people to hang out, checking out clubs that interest me, even helping a group trying to start a club by becoming VP for that club. 

Nothing has worked. Any time I feel a connection with someone, its fleeting. People are so engrossed with themselves and are  looking out for only themselves. It really seems like no one in New York has time for anyone else but themselves. 

It's hard. And it's getting harder. Even my friends from back home have been distant lately and right now all I want to do is see and talk to them. To hear and hug them. But I don't want to go to them like this. I don't want to be thought of as a basket case or worse, just seeking attention. 

I can't stop feeling this overwhelming sense of loneliness. I'm scared, I'm angry, and in tears.

I just want it to stop. I don't want it to win. I just don't want to feel so damn alone anymore.",3.0742954617581724,4.870187930656937,4.1721453506823245,86.36880831482071,74.80291970802921,7.39295461758172,28.336401142494445,8.18289091462,1.952262329419232,1079,45,215,18,23,351,152,274,0.198,0.653,0.149,-0.9051,2,2,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,3,2,14,13,1,3,8,1,23,1,0,2,1,50,52,20,2,7,10,0,7,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,11,15,0,3,11,3,1,3,10,5,0,1,7,10,18,8,42,44,1,28,0,2,2,1,12,8,1,4,19,133,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875429506861883,0.0,0.0,0.2073974949138932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617613617612934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929656280803056,0.07000935236856501,0.1025893442549038,0.0,0.0,0.09360285686770524,0.0,0.0,0.07698953154495575,0.0,0.0,0.1105796027342456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447654211940644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107858136415667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623705305775171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246208787014814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364114094201879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226252670780622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037556206369472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735591155565681,0.0,0.0523108993050986,0.09604850811525792,0.056903039553266616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969185218046613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284754635008132,0.0,0.06711131685211352,0.0,0.10043299979375593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935807982707512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588951020632225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783151004103224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407933172455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474018756776104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906489243311672,0.111215706677288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991839092857958,0.10641645847285296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670083004456273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607212238587644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784692720478808,0.07614916570686818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558012901951343,0.13882739125860435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396355865060248,0.1282845893495119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550574412267684,0.0,0.0,0.10024205407229986,0.0,0.07978623365847402,0.09114955048104008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282399024924095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483513237682057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417372201526633,0.0,0.0,0.1674170682810139,0.0,0.10467182782390372,0.0,0.21903982279388265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047625051586467,0.0,0.0,0.1145010490947025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948763941708073,0.11676675882500648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595587573767154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133920158812203,0.0,0.08031380460820453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651640914679854,0.0,0.07289180136281312,0.0,0.10203538142031188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447687130527185
suicidewatch,b_luhffy,2019/03/22,I wish no one cared about me so I could just end it already I want to die so bad man. I wish I could but I can’t even imagine my dad or grandma being hurt by me without crying. I just wish no one cared about me so I could just get it over with already. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for half my life (I’m 17) and I’m done. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up but at the same time I can’t stand the thought of hurting the people that care about me. I just wish everyone hated me again,0.507105263157893,1.8738332192982483,2.2086315789473687,99.53242105263159,80.84210526315789,5.261754385964913,21.049122807017547,5.6839178017228535,-0.2750603508771934,393,11,101,2,10,129,69,114,0.245,0.5710000000000001,0.184,-0.9065,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,13,8,1,1,3,0,10,1,0,1,0,26,26,8,2,8,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,3,4,0,19,3,13,18,2,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758983165269361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437624787492786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823611907782893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29942554404784977,0.0,0.13731514109804244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973830608683856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792632781026245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071976032689704,0.0,0.0,0.08256643847663547,0.0,0.0,0.11945026015692192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531138874541068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341927056470052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676467590833859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111263004526152,0.0,0.0,0.06870098898154076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829666922247664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918950782431844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941697033381334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666463241359533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068524014140506,0.0,0.1367381865658615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848437657878276,0.07289302305512367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737328085190838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5750109628131813,0.1205030080123909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blockedusers,2019/03/22,I've just put 12mg risperdone down my throat so what is my quickest way out when the sedative effects hit me?,2.3408695652173925,4.12321026086957,2.7471739130434787,95.84945652173916,76.82608695652173,4.6000000000000005,28.89130434782609,3.1291,0.6021478260869566,88,4,19,0,2,27,22,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7848393458096948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6196992829340778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Notthatgreatdane,2019/03/22,"The other day I cut myself really deep. It was deeper than I've ever done before. Bled more than I've ever seen before. I changed the bandaids on the wound today and I couldn't help but think that.. if that was on my wrist, everything could end. What do I do? How do I snap out of this?",0.6402185792349719,2.4949917377049218,2.4963114754098363,95.2732103825137,82.44262295081967,5.3781420765027335,15.084699453551913,6.42735559955562,-0.6367726775956286,220,3,51,2,6,73,43,61,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.3693,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,8,3,1,1,2,10,10,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,7,0,6,4,1,9,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,5,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693121276121474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917232522396244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201762509501784,0.0,0.0,0.1778458842672497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28220377133808594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424631317676865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988912257656791,0.0,0.0,0.2478401806467721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483975008525552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666239128793565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669934807555274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613933765060891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cant-take-it-anymore,2019/03/22,"Fuck life Why did I have to be born? I didn’t ask for this shit. Not only that, I’m ugly, dumb and poor please whatever or whoever is up there please take me. That’s all I ask for ",-1.5917073170731726,0.23829812195122105,1.1348292682926842,101.53151219512196,92.17073170731709,5.231219512195122,13.078048780487805,6.742157984588678,-0.8783502439024393,137,2,37,2,5,47,33,41,0.349,0.5589999999999999,0.092,-0.9306,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,4,10,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,1,1,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250541836339339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25961188353775155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983501862093669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357488100568606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6165080698287372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882558276052069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111403240591611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339473011977864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,downwarddoggy,2019/03/22,"I feel itchy My wrists almost ache, I find myself drawn to them, but I push these thoughts to the side. I know this disease makes me hopeless, I know these thoughts aren’t entirely my own, but god damn this hurts so bad. I put so much effort into just trying to feel ok. I want to be happy, and sometimes I am, but this disease always gets me. I’ve had several bouts of depression and I feel like at this point I’ll never beat, my life isn’t even bad I just feel this pain and it makes this all so unenjoyable. There are so many of you, suffering, why? Why does this happen to us? Why is it so hard to escape? How can I escape? I wish I could just know if I will ever beat it, and if not I’d just end my self. These thoughts will pass but they will come again. The Shame is the worst, such a deep shame for this life I waste because I simply can’t enjoy it. I feel almost cursed.",0.8547311827956996,2.70569189247312,2.2066666666666706,97.64666666666668,81.68817204301075,5.208602150537635,17.322580645161292,6.139981653823899,-0.5510838709677417,676,13,161,5,18,217,104,186,0.275,0.603,0.122,-0.9911,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,1,1,2,3,16,15,1,2,4,1,14,4,1,3,3,40,32,16,0,5,11,0,6,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,15,6,0,0,12,0,0,4,5,11,0,0,4,6,28,4,11,23,4,13,0,4,0,0,5,5,1,4,5,103,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663917740441741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106796163153973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212490265677626,0.08108506156965979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458114219808435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620211523008323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456612217707407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640282843534908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781232074113104,0.0,0.0,0.08785553458156456,0.12032020532957755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362833638204249,0.09502635529801202,0.0,0.0,0.12157382825196625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949514934105043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176252360834838,0.14159755589319864,0.11915583071135205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239592703849102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193056485643412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790567255743812,0.06498469239563759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775778620165107,0.13485691818346388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778175458972102,0.0,0.10258981368476253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153795298526073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574271537581236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337173947535717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876425717726162,0.15026974144005995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155580756054586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316798532166652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030884589726296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600013622161231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845603405162417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600776089169535,0.0,0.15296134985435902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yetiwolf,2019/03/22,Attempt couple of days ago Hi so I attempted to end my life the other day. Got as close to death as I've ever been. One of my ex's has just made me feel guilty for attempting to end my life. They just kept on messaging me and told me it suicide isn't a joke? Like I know that I'm recovering from an attempt and now I feel guilty for even being alive or even trying to end my life. I just feel 100x worse than I did and it's all down to them,-0.2090909090909108,1.522794404040404,2.0972626262626264,97.65922727272728,84.75757575757575,5.576161616161617,16.97070707070707,6.742157984588678,-0.3944674747474748,342,7,87,4,10,116,66,99,0.203,0.7709999999999999,0.025,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,0,2,4,8,2,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,2,16,14,7,2,0,4,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,14,2,15,7,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,9,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307403326523182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160362783648063,0.0,0.2518353769590974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187907153699732,0.0,0.0,0.25791663298629697,0.17661142457686646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961671339396864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615627405128726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730224100656716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413724632852069,0.09538746271455778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474673661685756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230392204576372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135677239469335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656617311723206,0.0,0.13255939750202148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897262419262535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway46689943268,2019/03/22,"In 1 month I should be graduating college, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it. I can’t really imagine living a full life. Once I graduate, I’ll have two degrees that everyone thinks are useless, and no job to show anyone they’re wrong. And no way of supporting myself. And no plans for the future. 

And I know some people would be sad if I died but it would be a short while before they moved on. Who in my life really knows me that well anyway? Even my siblings only reach out for shallow conversations once or twice a year. My parents maybe every couple weeks to a month. 

It’s not that I feel owed relationships. But it’s hard to not feel alone when I’m, well, literally alone. I don’t have a single friend. It’s especially hard seeing people say how impossible it is making friends once you leave college, how it’s the last time you can meet people so easily. It makes me feel like a freak. Or a loser. And it’s not like I have bitterness about that either. I know that I can be hard to get to know. But I’m a nice and pleasant person and people walk up to me, give me a chance, and it’s like I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong or not wrong. But I can plainly see how people change their minds about talking to me pretty fast. I don’t know what it is.

My mom is happy for me to graduate. She got me a photography session because I never did one in high school, and I have the photos even though it hurts to look at them. She wants to plan a party but I have no one to invite. I made announcement cards but I have no one to send them to. They’re just sitting on the edge of my couch in blank envelopes. It just feels like a big reminder of what I don’t have. I guess what I’ve never had. 

I’m not a terribly angry or bitter person and I don’t want to hurt anyone. But it’s just obvious that I can’t do this. Every setback is just a sign to give up, right? I can handle some pain and hardship. But if there’s no light at the end of the tunnel I just have to embrace the darkness, right? Even if it’s not today, it’ll happen sometime soon right? ",1.1276962913464743,2.9219425091324247,3.0973460296246813,91.88361009021051,80.5296803652968,5.917006348145673,19.13041541374318,6.914303735213361,0.09942737498607856,1601,37,362,18,41,539,197,438,0.17,0.664,0.166,-0.4557,3,2,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,4,3,22,26,2,0,21,0,37,3,0,7,4,75,70,35,1,9,30,2,7,4,2,4,3,1,1,2,28,12,0,0,12,1,1,3,22,13,2,5,4,14,45,13,37,57,5,38,0,5,3,0,23,18,0,11,19,241,73,8,0.07877474179859385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317375056848346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016226213910783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802035143970395,0.0,0.0670315032367161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333323166490272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716275348060884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175574505914608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697710396514406,0.0,0.0,0.2081198960627487,0.0,0.13274223498413987,0.07527264160595265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932350547810414,0.11255338256170623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217223402087954,0.0,0.04115655128219882,0.1511358207309203,0.0,0.0,0.06300335722595038,0.0,0.08677925923406986,0.0,0.0696602440149166,0.08385717745497483,0.21170008714613853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322983974365755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865998070671429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817177609304175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597552277301935,0.06421192849058499,0.0,0.08341107738991542,0.0,0.0,0.11128185955646397,0.15394143910755706,0.0,0.06955954022833126,0.0,0.06615094318512645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745385653834028,0.15774825553936886,0.0,0.07913981618162988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954003306197213,0.09226002551983578,0.12575449469752514,0.08372508384655268,0.0,0.0,0.12151187436772926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516775872581564,0.16013941124720685,0.059911740863646534,0.08382187930596192,0.0,0.08747002840516636,0.0,0.0,0.2730624364907322,0.13756613211019206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014223244005195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093023347745046,0.0,0.0,0.08457459206754987,0.0,0.2018195972343676,0.0,0.06264483646486177,0.0,0.07972424428292514,0.1255465404265542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791023390374148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939264347011955,0.07424426188439909,0.0,0.0,0.06331615352352467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050475673759876084,0.07739578385590845,0.0,0.045934185432452715,0.0,0.0746692443362742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695147631955927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292676739198732,0.06252772337730853,0.06318834625165567,0.0,0.1416559066862094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119186328319276,0.2583834416718653,0.0,0.05072835098693306
suicidewatch,Bazworth100,2019/03/22,"I don’t think my parents would care if I died I’m 16 and I just got my SAT back. 1410. My parents said they’re disappointed but my sister scored the same. They told me that I should be happy they’re disappointed because it means they think I’m smart. I don’t know what to do. I’ve struggled with them before but they don’t know I’m suicidal and even if I did, they don’t think depression exists. I can’t run away and I can’t be self sufficient.

Why shouldn’t I just end it?",-1.242115384615385,0.7921555576923112,1.0142307692307675,99.36826923076923,99.19230769230772,4.523076923076923,15.153846153846152,6.322622252153567,-0.5967576923076923,374,9,91,5,16,124,57,104,0.215,0.685,0.1,-0.9217,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,5,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,13,0,0,0,0,20,27,7,2,5,6,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,1,19,3,3,17,1,4,0,3,0,0,11,1,0,2,2,52,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440734757555224,0.15092378860248398,0.0,0.11964775828800575,0.0,0.1670160433335997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20011601228572126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905185035175158,0.0,0.20370304111112172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738418865634586,0.0,0.0,0.12963815482643493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697949370838385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893898103693448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157358270658232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380162262601576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358815586432061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867030021447888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475821292305796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518982903417185,0.0,0.21469360345156846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772963565892919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754970670877352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710816222955672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394285248600535,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stank_maymer,2019/03/22,"what's stopping me if i just do it. 
it's quick
it's not easy
but it's simple

there's nothing to lose and nothing to gain. it's a neutral route to take. SO WHAT THE FUCK MAKES IT SO HARD!",-2.7655519480519466,-1.1310895681818174,0.0023376623376645256,106.24136363636366,103.77272727272728,2.5142857142857142,15.376623376623378,3.1291,-1.5433467532467535,145,4,39,0,7,49,29,44,0.359,0.585,0.056,-0.9481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,4,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32086703552614915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31091276268709234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882903136521959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167655053896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6660593635217772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901718604020532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609586623604689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Swallowedapixie,2019/03/22,! I want to fucking die. I don’t have any social media besides reddit and I feel like screaming that at the top of my lungs. I want to fucking DIE. I’m tired. I’m done. I’m angry. I hate life. There that’s it. I hate everything I wanna die.,-2.846946826758145,-1.7503737735849023,0.5381475128644944,99.78605488850776,116.92452830188678,2.6819897084048034,14.252144082332759,4.851557810540192,-1.1337396226415095,182,5,43,1,11,64,35,53,0.456,0.44,0.105,-0.9802,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,13,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,8,1,5,12,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715148714080375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6279459374866464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639192918158128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125984911490609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197708220049086,0.14408251326124394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37290572379700215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982407966530973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424548035816672,0.09853222060878296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055906165343544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318051613703831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379159451336809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nyltiak88,2019/03/22,"Nothing is working anymore I tried suffocating myself yesterday but it didn’t work. Nothing is helping me and I feel like I’m doomed to suffer for the rest of my life. I can’t even get a job and don’t know if I’ll be able to finish the month of college I have left at this rate. 
I’ve been in and out of doctors and even my psychiatrist said we’re running out of options. I feel like I’m running from some dark shadow but anytime I run it out it grabs me by the ankles and pulls me into its hole. I can’t distract myself all the time it gets harder everyday to function as a normal person. 
I just want to leave. I feel like if I continue on I’m only going to end up living in a psycward and develop another illness. ",1.816968325791855,3.3599889673202665,4.1934640522875855,85.95981900452492,77.62745098039215,6.5377576671694335,26.148315736551037,7.321109707123232,1.3211160382101554,564,22,118,7,13,197,96,153,0.135,0.7909999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.8842,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,7,0,9,3,0,0,1,24,21,11,0,4,5,0,4,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,10,0,0,4,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,3,5,17,3,22,17,3,22,1,2,0,0,3,10,0,4,10,77,23,5,0.17347901728091136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190787553319715,0.0,0.0,0.17204456994015518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756312512238548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365091801056807,0.0,0.0,0.2291625095889272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26314861079542856,0.3718003338246891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127125289377286,0.0,0.09859212334626398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162793285026536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215115639980927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533953102934337,0.0,0.0,0.1836892309078043,0.18848545986846416,0.0,0.1225333602895564,0.25425925523945936,0.0,0.15318515054197648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846929650725726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699726038523372,0.3329155916720075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193860990604409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147518649206246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501827172937425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115701005780116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177808652719709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232241907863387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525895814112548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoodStalker,2019/03/22,"Each time I'm getting more and more lonely.... It's making me go insane. Sometimes I find solace in imagining a world without me, it feels so relaxing. I would have no burdens, nothing to annoy me. 

My ""friends"" literally use me to chat for a bit and then go on with their actual friends, so I'm just a ""use this one in caae you're bored and then go back"" stuff. They don't do anything for me, they just use me as a literal object. I do stuff for them, please them, lend them my stuff, but they don't do anything for me. My family is adding up the pressure of my life. My school has high expectations for me, since I'm the smart guy. They provoke me to scream at them, and so I quickly lock me up in my room. My only friend that actually considers me, wouldn't understand me. So I'm actually alone. This goes on again and again and again... Not only that, but my long term low self esteem, GAD and my current depressive episodes are just the icing on the cake.


However, if I killed myself, all those burdens would be gone. I would finally be able to relax. I would go to sleep and never wake up. I sleep to make myself forget about everything.... To finally relax for once.... 


All the counselors say: ""You can't do that! Everybody loves you!"" BUT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'M ON THE VERGE OF POSSIBLE SUICIDE?  


Girls are just an anxiety trigger for me, they're making me go like this... Fortunately, I see through the lies of  society about girls and the truth.. They'll manipulate people to win. It's on their genes, it's on the nature of girls. It's useless. 

Next week, I'm gonna try to never communicate with any female by the whole week, and see how it goes. 


I'd love some support, I don't think I can go on like this. I've lost my best friend since 4th grade, to a bunch of dumbasses. 

My other one is going to go to another school in July... If that's the case, then I'll simply have to.. end my suffering. ",1.71606418918919,3.765270229166666,3.4534009009009026,88.78844594594597,79.78125,6.963851351351353,22.357545045045047,8.00916892397051,1.0920877815315313,1464,46,315,27,37,488,186,384,0.14300000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.138,0.4497,2,3,0,0,0,1,79.0,0,3,11,3,16,29,2,1,17,0,25,6,3,10,5,53,58,24,2,8,11,0,1,2,4,7,1,2,1,5,19,13,0,0,6,4,0,9,11,13,0,2,2,5,53,16,48,47,11,49,0,6,2,2,27,20,0,3,22,208,72,3,0.08447830954156438,0.0,0.2473159319097344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749405135992729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744814737293422,0.08858287335382965,0.06462567557199532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903690146848793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495860550261505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865477396635349,0.0,0.0922284343290438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276104422086982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748227077631167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592365742311354,0.0,0.07963863185877404,0.0,0.0427147715934077,0.0,0.0,0.1850837176712713,0.07721164446737203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610709295772209,0.0,0.0441364300218236,0.0,0.3840877609270271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364680810705477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925597221170463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934627330048807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966952834962935,0.08254366975553974,0.0,0.0,0.0747606455669147,0.0,0.0,0.09221805416048974,0.0,0.1524899452293499,0.0,0.1691697828114554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303097604820832,0.0,0.08984364058298003,0.0,0.0,0.08105921639773875,0.0,0.0,0.08996664258800162,0.11448937772239832,0.12849912228956284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856662302496968,0.0,0.0,0.09273181551639977,0.0,0.09523660090886177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718054245851858,0.0,0.17099311867552108,0.13463655052203916,0.0,0.08812930088656988,0.0,0.0,0.13976266125509051,0.0,0.1690786375328072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355120824138887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901223594998367,0.092405559254002,0.09586498455450684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054130289669599985,0.0,0.0,0.04925998165025562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057355226876845376,0.0,0.0,0.17588979904073915,0.0,0.21888640722400698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552680852232776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431701570879776,0.0,0.081434075782562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004386918886836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_2001_H,2019/03/22,"Nearing homelessness I got an eviction notice today as I've been unable to pay my rent, even though I have a steady job it doesn't cut it and I'm really struggling. I feel lost and I don't know what to do. I'm in a foreign country and going back to my homeland is not an option (for safety reasons). I've been looking for a new place that's cheaper but I just gave up because I felt it was impossible. In a few days I'm gonna be on the street, I have no one and I feel like this is the end of the line for me. I don't know what to do and I just want to end it all",0.8303846153846166,1.5981374230769203,3.3676923076923084,94.07230769230772,78.61538461538461,6.123076923076923,22.23076923076923,6.2581,0.1502923076923075,435,12,111,3,10,153,79,130,0.086,0.845,0.07,-0.2075,4,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,9,0,13,0,0,1,1,18,28,8,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,2,1,5,3,0,1,7,4,13,1,15,19,2,14,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,1,7,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668034483296932,0.0,0.1322366662814381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989994847350656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842658127182344,0.0,0.0,0.14327821651166864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21936958594681646,0.15497266932071352,0.2082839080216584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328459502813635,0.0,0.1734963130071918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152665434117571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23843477702258925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597955918602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216401871106064,0.0,0.2368014108862736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950941750253424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697279090995475,0.0,0.0,0.14699532766638593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226642511063197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389689704668635,0.22303705229340812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267791669027632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312964471313706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562140110909452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794914614126374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Intrestingpiglet,2019/03/22,"Crippled with self doubt and low key want to off myself I'm currently in my final year at film school and feel as though I've bitten off more than I can chew working on a hefty graduate project. My deadline is in a month and I have loads of research and planning which needs to be done yet the past 5 days I've just been sat glued to my phone avoiding even thinking about any and all responsibility. I have barely showered in this time and I feel numb and unwilling to carry on. I find myself thinking more about how I'm going to kill myself than I do about how I am going to structure my graduate film. 

I had a small glass of spirit last night and I felt an intense urge to just do it. Just call it a day with life and off myself. Of course I won't be drinking following this retrospectively terrifying experience. I'm not sure this is related entirely to the university project but whatever was already in me the stress has brought it out full force and now I'm just numb and in an emotional purgatory.

I struggle talking to my friends and partner and feel I will disappoint them if I tell them how fucked in the head I really am. ",6.785337738619683,6.050905004405288,7.226266519823793,76.94647760646113,65.0352422907489,10.562261380323058,34.775697503671076,9.928628108626363,3.1577345080763592,904,36,183,17,12,297,132,227,0.145,0.812,0.043,-0.9722,2,1,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,2,14,12,2,4,10,0,18,7,1,3,2,39,36,20,1,3,7,0,4,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,7,16,2,1,7,3,0,4,2,10,0,0,7,4,26,2,33,25,4,32,1,2,0,1,9,16,1,2,12,125,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669087040509674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504606522569835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274848782145216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821015639562708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312666338284055,0.0,0.16572891520597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030119543502455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173971961475908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548743028539728,0.0,0.0,0.2566227088369722,0.0,0.1624363148093135,0.18532497938702672,0.1546245839384848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070562135666558,0.15640127977227974,0.0,0.0,0.192294214942872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736242645330355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716912849512385,0.0,0.0,0.1379017195606832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949461844147005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503535455889834,0.0,0.0,0.12544249708079358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876102151871144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149845437290564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108379027692981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121601290799646,0.0,0.0,0.17648835970763274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379152003172828,0.1768603849289239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944718718226195,0.0,0.0,0.13597795070338836,0.14786803126029044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21680339996303244,0.16621540469761253,0.0,0.09864838678195577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978489447213557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316276800743645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089443503102646
suicidewatch,zodadoza,2019/03/22,"people love me and I care, but I can't fucking take it. I have people who rely on me, people who would call themsleves my friends. but I just cant fucking take it.

I think everyday about driving off a bridge, or painting a wall with my brains. I don't want to exist tho, and neither of those are guaranteed. My family is gone for the weekend, I have no plans, I think I might hang myself somewhere secluded where there's no chance my kids could find me. 

I don't want to exist, I just cant fucking take it anymore",0.7602515723270464,3.0378095849056628,2.43801886792453,93.31633647798745,85.22641509433961,5.0427672955974865,22.040880503144656,6.42735559955562,0.4229710691823905,400,14,85,4,12,131,66,106,0.084,0.8009999999999999,0.115,0.6229,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,3,0,3,0,12,5,1,0,0,16,25,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,1,0,3,8,3,0,0,1,0,19,3,8,21,1,9,0,0,0,4,6,4,3,2,2,61,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815056349083584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204309693273676,0.18688282631192452,0.0,0.1866000326915756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612575139828776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253399220812862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727601861034075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139999858775362,0.5075942528571764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518176171505886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941541999293748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806469188935441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128224547288387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345423259565845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21589865517623455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001142187401338,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deanisded,2019/03/22,"I truly have nothing to live for. My family hate me because mental illness ruined my life and I wasn't successful in education due to a lack of support. All of my friends are just sorta people who I see sometimes, but I know they don't give a fuck about me. I can't find a job because I've been out of work for five months, which makes employers think I'm useless. I literally got fired from my last job because I got sick and couldn't come in one day. It's annoying, because I want to work. If I'm working, I can distract myself from how lonely I am and my general shitty mental health.

Literally no one would care if I died. If I died, everyone would probably just be relieved I am not around to be annoying anymore. It wouldn't even matter if I died considering I'm unemployed so it's not like I was doing anything productive for society anyway. I can't think of a reason to stay alive. There's nothing in my life worth living for. My life is empty. There's no point living if I barely even exist anyway. ",3.2301699029126207,4.649898752427183,5.126395631067961,81.24066140776698,73.61165048543691,8.062621359223302,27.43810679611651,8.660442795831766,2.0833310679611654,797,30,157,15,16,274,116,206,0.29,0.605,0.105,-0.9924,5,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,4,12,14,4,1,4,0,19,7,0,3,1,33,36,11,3,11,10,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,10,8,0,3,5,2,28,6,21,25,2,12,0,3,1,1,4,6,1,6,5,105,33,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418585928244565,0.0,0.0,0.09474868211095898,0.10249714251326078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807479830327118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173907635747942,0.0,0.0,0.09918110667666197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742544210028805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358484889820811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209499539471338,0.0,0.0,0.11001919850040187,0.0,0.0,0.10854176602099926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052339555849709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889552566752611,0.10644313413665556,0.0,0.11045076608684692,0.0,0.0,0.1841725949016091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367484013173786,0.0,0.12238620463703698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285132012805354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327677925526944,0.09385275653911164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24397591345595046,0.0562505625724994,0.0,0.3050066279342162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685544295598566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320638469030135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190197407228123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095584252856715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604084297519552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982212331685057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884253227238376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413813101959635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838093838449498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917500001164798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387432812495607,0.0,0.0,0.1227216828457278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065712557159653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755143575006865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791131711053981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514652895694702,0.0,0.0,0.16358132275851595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,disworldbecrazi,2019/03/22,"I just can’t do this much longer. I am 17f . I know I haven’t had the worst life out of everyone and there are so many people that are worse off than me by a long shot . My childhood has not been great at all . People don’t know me  They only know the surface . My family think I’m so smart and can do anything but I just feel so hopeless all the time . I feel nothing at all , only time I cry is when I am angry(which is rare) everyday I just think death is so much easier . I just don’t want to be like this any longer . The only reason I wouldn’t go through with it was my family and putting them through pain . I just can’t. ",-0.2182222222222201,1.774302881481482,1.6429629629629652,99.31333333333336,86.85185185185185,5.0814814814814815,17.14814814814815,6.42735559955562,-0.4549407407407404,479,11,118,5,15,157,79,135,0.184,0.737,0.078,-0.9512,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,0,11,6,0,0,5,0,21,2,0,1,3,25,31,9,1,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,3,2,19,3,11,26,6,13,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,82,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939330839469048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447877272270604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285489664340288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776422026280954,0.0,0.0,0.3310226758722432,0.0,0.17754647037628254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978021613407097,0.0,0.0,0.19356603873272454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28946528452841136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400995899424685,0.08577440935715659,0.0,0.0,0.1553735189058873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779999578129805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581276278043223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846370969600274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40058564211923386,0.1868183701635359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343562688150924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649588130596908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805147291813979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224995745330556,0.0,0.0,0.20475202246318733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035554641131883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892036157243593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway22129191,2019/03/22,"Im breaking I've had the thoughts for years butnever got as close as I did tonight. I'm feeling really really numb. I stopped but I think I still should have. I have done the right things, counsellors, meds, but I have always and will always feel worthless. I don't want to feel like this but I do and I don't know how I stopped myself but I don't think I'll be able to again. I'm still numb it's really hard to type. I just hurt so much .",-0.9583173076923082,1.1395543541666695,1.1795833333333334,99.7583653846154,94.0,5.037179487179489,16.759615384615387,6.67199483983844,-0.311854807692308,342,9,85,5,13,113,56,96,0.246,0.705,0.049,-0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,13,2,0,1,0,20,24,10,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,4,13,1,6,16,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,8,50,16,1,0.1926492726294016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205992552782469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714709229869876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922277821131919,0.1376286788595893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154079222167712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257590810244766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20623503081680308,0.0,0.20809427322091484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058750020233846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411870351609188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398991222157496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416193818920194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702481713388541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645214262077667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076999159541011,0.3221268363631567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798761645636214,0.24688375012846256,0.0,0.1529420033351721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362953236736292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405981531882455
suicidewatch,Phoenonicle,2019/03/22,"i just got released from hospital after overdosing i took the pills after my dad left for work and everything between that and arriving to the hospital is pretty much a blur. Im so fucking disappointed and angry in myself that it didn’t work, i’m so useless i can’t even kill myself properly ",7.653684210526315,7.089772263157894,8.79543859649123,65.84473684210528,63.21052631578947,12.512280701754387,38.29824561403509,11.855464076750405,4.886361403508773,237,11,40,7,3,82,43,57,0.248,0.701,0.051,-0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,7,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,7,4,1,5,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,1,2,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970130229516063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26807741083137954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757577075338108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385640603903053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221966859977705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300058021907851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240852118238809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192722308615424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034609141712136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314032446432906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43430696486242937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dying_God,2019/03/22,"Could I please talk to someone? I don't fucking know what to do anymore. My life's becoming more and more of a mess with little hope of ever getting better, as I'm the one to blame for it all. Yes, change is always possible, but truth is I stopped caring a long time ago about everything, but mostly about myself. Years of doing this have completely hollowed me out. I might've been a bad person from the start, but I'm beginning to wonder if you can still speak of a person at all. I stopped living, now I'm barely even existing. I don't see the point anymore. The only thing that kept me from ending it time after time is some kind of morbid curiosity to see how much worse it could still become. Now I don't even care about that anymore, the only thing that makes the passing of time bareable is not actually experiencing it by sleeping. I don't know why I'm even posting here, guess that some small part of me still wants someone to remember me before I finish it up in the morning. It's the only choice I have really left, isn't it?",5.689,5.4399131857142855,6.462619047619048,79.89821428571432,67.14285714285714,9.095238095238095,29.404761904761905,8.59863814320734,2.0549047619047616,819,25,164,11,12,271,120,210,0.102,0.828,0.07,-0.8170000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,1,14,9,1,0,12,1,17,3,1,2,4,29,37,7,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,15,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,4,17,6,27,33,9,30,0,0,2,1,5,8,1,7,20,115,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.10369321727546256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941919753891184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841579671684212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31614039837757724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872162234048933,0.0,0.2347088940592639,0.0904183745311702,0.0,0.0,0.09397723413855223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166757658411667,0.0,0.1124076738210874,0.0,0.11141028339538467,0.0,0.0,0.1696779396907864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941137180282956,0.0,0.0,0.21054871740459255,0.09611712770157743,0.0,0.0,0.09549851776305428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823450715055253,0.05551581403603137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705599880782325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553891996934983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065214222707066,0.11679406613930435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545044866750599,0.0,0.07505370139446672,0.0,0.10649918810266476,0.0938284277822408,0.09403565477439596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092854435238513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272374756361855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811241151924918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200368266752498,0.2424437150884189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506787727450694,0.0,0.0,0.18556209327453466,0.0,0.11664020454047845,0.10044886973234768,0.11979078105922568,0.1017665150547858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807207962989473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037045597897195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934894139690196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633549421753903,0.0,0.18006539728116028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521049399367098,0.0,0.25457513800375764,0.17767415495838065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540676259259725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411871910813723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478413391714473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267416701328983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958819992700528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152330875527171,0.0,0.0,0.10828674970750224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684271546572268
suicidewatch,Montrasa,2019/03/22,"Homeward Bound I'm tired and exhausted. And I'm fine with it. I've been bouncing around with the idea of ""leaving"" for a while. And you all know what I mean by that.
But finally I'm calm about it and im....fine with it.


I know I will hurt people with my decision. Family and Friends. But I have been fighting depression for more than a decade now and it's a disease with no cure. Not enough people take it seriously enough to challenge this disease for a cure or solution.


Not enough people care. Just enough people care to feel validated in thinking they've done something to help. It hasn't been enough yet. 
Just like world hunger....polution....not enough has changed. Maybe one day, those who suffer with our disease will find a cure for it. Then no one will feel this empty.


I hope No one will get to this point of being ok with killing themselves. No one will have to lie and say they're fine when they aren't. No one will fake  a smile to hide their pain because others choose not to listen.

One day.

Someone will say they're fine....and it will be true.


But not for me. I am empty. I am tired. I am too far gone. To broken to believe that anything or one can help me. And that's ok. I'm at peace with this.. 
I'm finally at peace with what I am.

If someone reads this. There is hope for you. Fight the good fight. Do not end up like me. And help those who feel as if the light has burned out....help them. Please.






Tonight I'm going to watch one last movie. Cause I love movies. Then I'm going to sleep. And drift off into eternity. Into all the different realities I have created for myself during times of sorrow and pain. When reality got too tough these were the worlds in my mind I would escape too. 
I will escape. One last time.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.",-0.15060712015257496,2.1681688953168106,1.2079820936639116,98.83546964399241,94.20661157024792,4.445200254291163,16.347160415342234,6.197336934236889,-0.5039861835134563,1371,34,312,15,52,433,168,363,0.17800000000000002,0.645,0.177,-0.6435,1,0,1,0,4,0,70.0,1,2,3,1,12,34,4,0,11,2,31,7,1,1,3,57,61,24,1,5,14,0,3,2,1,10,5,3,0,0,24,23,0,1,11,1,0,4,12,14,0,9,7,8,25,20,43,42,9,35,0,4,1,1,19,13,0,6,20,193,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524378284105707,0.07057935961718867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483306470073118,0.0,0.0,0.08932565267662347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616701639659825,0.08144626594956665,0.08387171028167265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226293835363046,0.0,0.06828699026367348,0.0,0.0,0.08283465930495634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113481790824632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022188275654402,0.4915279362311702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474167717885134,0.0,0.12026476075823415,0.0,0.0,0.17370297749186842,0.0724639244865777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612544398485089,0.0,0.041422494680320894,0.0,0.09011758102042568,0.06649946014335774,0.06341046925044634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125689446921859,0.0,0.0,0.1574933350760148,0.0,0.0,0.08487490977686274,0.08950171976642239,0.08564007091693346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771573864919863,0.0,0.08714456713556328,0.12925370000400574,0.0,0.08395005902639896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746808519974037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155669298515899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965119799051344,0.08636326246794647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005400097279639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835225768806997,0.0,0.16872703088450847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986151843242632,0.0,0.0,0.0870297650495354,0.07494878431273495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930521990029314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260992636347384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934102237421102,0.0,0.1343537528990889,0.0610365154338245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059611523983639586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080183500964069,0.0,0.0,0.09246200142836616,0.18225004856106644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056320911600706285,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JRod2054,2019/03/22,"Im losing, Im giving it my all , but thats not even enough Of course life was amazing 2 years ago, Joined the military, was in a good relationship,  was in college and then my mental health had to go bad, i became a severe hypochondriac, and i lost my career in the military, my relationship,  and everything  because very anxious, had random panic attacks and i just cant enjoy life like i used to, and now i fell in love with this amazing girl and its like she keeps hinting at wanting to break up, i love her but and she makes me happy and gives me hope to keep fighting but it literally hurts to know in probably gonna lose her, my heart hurts, my panic attacks keep kicking in, im so desperate, what helps with a heartache? im willing to try anything at this point if she does leave me i just want a way to get over it, im tired of the pain, its hurting me too much
please, anyone?? im desperate and in tears
ill do anything, any drugs that help anything at this point",1.811738437001594,3.869745181818182,3.3136044657097297,89.86672248803829,79.50505050505049,6.188623072833599,24.057416267942585,7.273561745256523,0.9708848484848488,758,27,160,10,19,249,115,198,0.308,0.516,0.17600000000000002,-0.987,0,0,1,0,2,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,6,23,3,2,7,0,8,10,1,2,1,29,25,15,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,2,7,0,0,1,11,11,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,13,0,0,6,0,22,10,23,17,3,22,0,6,0,2,15,14,0,3,6,95,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757316422060152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951043702364379,0.0,0.0,0.09886244812716798,0.0,0.06118968083815988,0.0,0.21604213052572474,0.0,0.0,0.1991126452595753,0.0,0.0,0.07306797581540117,0.05334585403886028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658140938929893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148490230664828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042218952791084,0.0,0.057800147568092285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786491860973676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572085192254023,0.16789692684524704,0.049734481339795605,0.07340002077633853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315701810805972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930200322497312,0.0,0.10370087992633008,0.11731347084002795,0.0,0.0,0.08691810461162812,0.0,0.0,0.2810467992182871,0.0,0.5671609638068219,0.0,0.0,0.2333512210937502,0.0,0.0,0.048093721546807716,0.0,0.0,0.09266144512194224,0.0,0.0,0.12362312351099848,0.08550684548274584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958047048073052,0.09552852364298088,0.0,0.1579640719029616,0.0,0.05841422898549203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881904402008982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433060673605899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311780536078423,0.20535045506975136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606072814763772,0.16545224017929258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435158958569184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879079893655806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886244812716798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058094698838807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059414180841615774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755813508825347,0.0,0.07220568668111088,0.10323243418617176,0.06946210730790721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635417330876761
suicidewatch,Articulateman,2019/03/22,"I don't want to live anymore because I wasted so much money and have been a burden. ( I regret a lot of my purchases and due to not thinking ahead, I have wasted a lot of my parent's and my own money.

Right now my parents are pretty much paying my rent in full and I don't want to live anymore.

I just want to peacefully pass away.
",4.4938732394366205,3.8157113098591564,6.12404929577465,82.77086267605638,69.70422535211267,8.226760563380282,27.609154929577464,7.1686216300943375,1.3835042253521124,257,7,55,2,4,89,42,71,0.218,0.691,0.091,-0.7324,3,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,10,5,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,11,0,9,9,6,8,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083086305640748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340894162249173,0.0,0.0,0.1254882009975551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635500908997165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35002363972628103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026564014706217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571585245289925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209430049371001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580031121313305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190452181966364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36425846068143575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,X_VirtualHorror_X,2019/03/22,"Literally one thing I have one thing. One damn thing keeping me alive, keeping me from ending it all, she’s the only person I’ve met that I can basically relate to 100%, and with that comes her being suicidal as well, but still it’s so damn painful to exist.",3.457115384615385,4.877285096153846,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,73.03846153846153,7.507692307692308,24.538461538461537,8.07648339933343,1.3332153846153854,203,6,41,3,4,68,39,52,0.219,0.722,0.059,-0.877,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,7,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,1,0,6,1,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035612341976326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093016438280272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200886282604988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803918958802674,0.17972536900704045,0.2514518518734741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633788552935986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871848503500005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584861739024716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709841211231578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247221107419087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HerpDerpicus77,2019/03/22,"I have writer's block to thank for preserving me I'm not entirely sure what I hope to accomplish by expressing this, but I'll dive in nonetheless. 

Nine days ago I came to the decision that it was time for me to take my bow and, as gracefully as I could manage, draw the proverbial curtains on my life. There wasn’t a set of external factors that spurred me to settle upon this decision. Since my early-teens, I’ve been struggling with and against Bipolar II; I mention this merely to illustrate that my suicidal urges have been a fixture of my internal world even prior to reaching maturity. Throughout the ecstatic highs and despairing lows, my fixation on suicide has been consistent. Sometimes the song has been more, or less, seductive, but even during the best of times it rings faintly in the background. 

To provide a bit of context: I can, from a detached perspective, recognize that my life is far from horrible. For the most part, I have strong bonds with my immediate family, I’m relatively young at twenty-three, and aside from my Bipolar II diagnosis I’m in reasonably good physical health. My parents were, and are, lovely people who raised me well and provided me with excellent opportunities. It’s even a running joke within my circle of friends, many of whom weren’t as fortunate, that my upbringing came as close to the middle-class suburban ideal as one can get. I can’t disagree with that. 

None of this has seemingly done much to enduringly alter my internal reality. Rather than being overwhelmed by pain, I find myself utterly exhausted. The mood-cycling has deprived me of a coherent sense of self, largely because of how it has impacted my ability to associate with the vast majority of my memories. It was too painful to visit the archives that I’d created while depressed, and recalling any of my hypomanic behavior filled me with guilt and shame. After some thought I came to realize that the bulk of my life experience has consisted of enduring bouts of suicidal depression, or haphazardly navigating the whirlpool of hypomania. No, my life wasn’t always conventionally awful, but it wasn’t something that I could tolerate either. 

Nine days ago, I decided that I’d had enough. For the last ten years, I’d made an earnest attempt to keep going, but it seemed like this was a fight that wasn’t winnable. Most of the medication made no difference, or altered my personality so significantly that I felt like a stranger living within the confines of a life that I hadn’t chosen, and didn’t want. I’d been trying to soldier on for the sake of my family and close friends… but there’s only so long that one can hang from their fingernails. It was time to let go. 

It was ultimately my inability to compose any sort of note that thwarted my plan. One of the rules that I’d created for myself was that I absolutely had to leave a note, even if it wasn’t comprehensive, because I wanted to facilitate the possibility that my loved ones might eventually find some measure of closure. I wanted them to understand that I loved them, and felt grateful for all that they’d done to help and support me. It never occurred to me that when it came time to write my farewell, nothing would come out. 

So for the time being, I guess I’m sticking around. 

​",8.492880794701986,8.205115895695362,8.611647350993376,66.93978890728475,61.400662251655646,12.583112582781455,40.06705298013245,11.93303328291395,5.022605298013246,2627,128,451,76,32,862,307,604,0.136,0.7020000000000001,0.162,0.9549,3,0,1,0,1,1,70.0,0,0,4,8,15,32,1,4,31,1,47,16,0,4,3,77,79,32,3,10,12,1,2,2,1,2,13,2,1,2,41,27,0,3,13,2,0,11,14,13,1,7,33,4,58,19,85,38,15,49,1,6,0,3,19,19,0,14,20,321,99,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731754321422426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444837756257332,0.08392195590755032,0.09411573739237092,0.1053434791502464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895095713244277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443113080251883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128375552537298,0.0,0.08456029126344702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543494139565924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672022328745399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368228673268605,0.0,0.0,0.09990353436051297,0.0,0.1334229543569677,0.0,0.0,0.08092350332724722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585257611257107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003123917127865,0.0,0.20463195851851526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576539722456979,0.14603448393744806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873699946876132,0.0,0.14158408288266103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059841181318082415,0.0,0.04046679752427329,0.0,0.08803839393727718,0.064965188839126,0.0,0.0,0.08532490219243448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233054837054543,0.0,0.0,0.051916141888562944,0.08183496838183969,0.0,0.07692982944568327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884514919684719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313578343954951,0.0,0.08201316861743779,0.0,0.07920250936077615,0.2735421420467628,0.07568074647759869,0.0,0.06839377310797452,0.06854482579230811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20971722458179454,0.14657870687161315,0.0,0.07852674114125784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802729500578373,0.0,0.0821670212000072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693799498338645,0.0,0.05973771202448438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743197149343892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994078880786265,0.0589076638183856,0.16483417158645924,0.0,0.08600409457643929,0.08387571311110098,0.0,0.05369722187453819,0.06763031207510785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731835003359653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963616163047303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102339867000774,0.08080197182167183,0.0,0.0,0.06407119143604065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962828484159813,0.07660451525283969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097229677396622,0.0,0.2541680685048598,0.08789448801628587,0.07299998224862404,0.0,0.05823617070329035,0.0,0.0,0.07130972913908233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614902487378942,0.2258218100676315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258654476214844,0.0,0.0,0.08063290212696528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705407390135027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964092854480215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502147911943723,0.0,0.09411573739237092,0.04987818085273777
suicidewatch,connor36082,2019/03/22,"Please can someone PM me? Hello  Post Reader,

I am feeling so low in mood and depressed at the moment. I have thought about suicide for a long time. I think I just need someone to talk to.

I don’t mind waiting. Thanks for any PM in advance.

From C",-0.2400840336134457,2.04352403921569,1.3651540616246507,98.25176470588237,92.92156862745098,2.9142857142857146,22.97198879551821,3.1291,-0.25114229691876755,190,8,41,0,7,61,42,51,0.194,0.682,0.124,-0.7042,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,1,9,9,0,9,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950435673516444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400170503487992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090333081327286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466131406343413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28137607336213066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662940249119008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30589468680757764,0.0,0.0,0.26688770285360003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722303816527295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30481846440591953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22398344548037186,0.0,0.2565608134165939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855973069304787,0.0,0.22123191917632126,0.1624940326590187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ElizabethLove7246,2019/03/22,"Who even knows what is going on? So, I can't say that i'm having suicidal thoughts, but i would FOR SURE say i'm having SEVERE ideation. It seems like i can't catch a break. You know, it's funny, when I was a teenager i thought it was the end of the world when a boyfriend broke up with me or some drama with a friend started. I would feel so upset and just think wow, life would be better if i were to just end it. I would harm myself, scream, cry, beg for attention, etc. It was traumatizing to say the least...

The feelings i feel now are NO WHERE like that.

I'm drowning. I won't say that my break-up had nothing to do with it, because it WAS devastating. But wow. The car payment, the car insurance, the rent, the phone, the job, etc. All of it is so overwhelming. I know it's a part of being an adult but...man idk. 

How am I supposed to balance all my bills, my dog, my job, AND try to go back to school? 

If life is seriously this bad what is even the point?

People can say things get better but i have proof that it doesn't always. i see people in their forties and they don't even have electric. 

I guess what i'm saying is I really don't see the point in living anymore. I don't know if i'd actually do anything, I don't have a plan or anything but, i can't stand thinking about this all the time.

I'm tired of picturing myself dead every few hours...

Can anyone provide any insight on how to handle these thoughts and pictures in my mind because I can hardly handle it anymore.  ",1.2727442066747976,3.087936434083602,2.896593857412132,93.39630225080387,80.15755627009645,5.575828805854306,21.65661381527885,6.48374012150746,0.2349568910078719,1145,34,259,10,29,377,155,311,0.182,0.71,0.108,-0.9801,3,0,0,0,0,1,50.0,0,1,2,3,16,15,0,2,19,0,38,3,0,2,5,47,63,20,3,7,11,0,4,2,1,5,3,7,1,1,23,7,0,0,15,1,2,5,10,7,0,0,9,13,31,8,23,47,9,26,0,2,2,0,13,10,0,8,11,172,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0940967189809572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023317817443057,0.0,0.0,0.06557218701099178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125503098650012,0.06742247907654579,0.0,0.15869882879488356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414473786838771,0.08051070054784731,0.11755935571124924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055984226724374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591814163388306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080754769207385,0.0,0.21507833549087246,0.19106306095981374,0.0,0.08124207316558811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626586508728714,0.0688859136822964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744975799926158,0.0,0.05037799086193141,0.0,0.10960089941910756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622281489824538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637770272660597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495902854525066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137351886816345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197024663548653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621540992087622,0.09421659700611762,0.0,0.0851448863622036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736158482469606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252221942149456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441868808903006,0.0,0.1336976641793286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230525227219746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061772211487735124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600853425256267,0.0,0.09758706997631154,0.15367620146277094,0.08778153849776064,0.0,0.10893260512241833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682499868717653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054731073036032,0.0,0.09087925567711157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640603686140923,0.12357026778017315,0.0,0.2296516189963431,0.05622609042481303,0.11082615076486303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654661261469723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739897142220163,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,omninommy,2019/03/22,Trapped in my own head Well i have delt with being suicidal most of my life attempted a couple times... Either failed or pussied out at the last second... I spend most of my 20s drinking my sleep till i passed out every night... Had a bad car crash that almost killed me... Spent the next year trying to get better... Now i have lost what career i had made... Recently lost two very loved ones... One to suicide as a matter of a fact. And at this point i dont have to will to fight it anymore... I am tried and in pain physically and mentally... The only reason i havent done anything yet is i dont want to leave my cats alone. I know it is a stupid thing and i should be able to do better but it is what it is and this is how i feel about it...,0.09611990950226357,2.119789916666665,1.9067722473604856,97.73626696832581,85.73076923076924,4.952639517345402,16.227752639517345,6.2272716619740125,-0.6147966817496231,561,11,134,5,17,184,100,156,0.18600000000000005,0.7609999999999999,0.053,-0.9468,0,2,1,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,6,5,12,3,0,8,0,20,6,2,3,1,23,29,10,3,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,11,8,1,0,3,1,2,2,3,8,1,4,7,1,18,4,19,18,4,18,0,3,0,1,2,7,0,4,9,95,29,2,0.14004826091243944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023810337443274,0.14504776195968566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889024273484005,0.0,0.0,0.11524778584575915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169344480421206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477226117516943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496073693911927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433179946310535,0.3282710375287148,0.13719397876441544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799670005069447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081260869673932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316943604794475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437299196204143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494265082348865,0.0,0.07696686161904083,0.11415802463602455,0.0,0.148290886933749,0.0,0.0,0.09892022840158197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057584409534475,0.0,0.12639902332264472,0.13251705070063535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113570729723182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489429142932589,0.13142580573694834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980065214349875,0.10651301324024402,0.14902122374740567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239087416063328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399293722290493,0.13828076210294793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014940209157425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30638013337132664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304184157249837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166326717632404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901671523005206,0.0,0.13680680110323656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555448229316248,0.08260409281147854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592020568027146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018648836501324
suicidewatch,temporary7263758,2019/03/22,"These are my last days Today is my eviction day. I’ve spent my whole life suffering and trying all I can to keep my head above water and not kill myself. I grew up suicidal, I’m barely entering my 20s now and I’m worse than I’ve ever been. But this is it. I know that acetaminophen overdose is one of the most painful ways to go, so that’s the way I chose. I’m here, most of my belongings packed in bags and boxes. Everyone thinks I’m moving out, but I’m just taking it all up to the garbage. I’ll be dead in a few days. Every few minutes I consider calling 911, calling an ambulance to take me to the ER. But I’ll be homeless by tomorrow anyway, and all it will cause me is embarrassment. A small part of me wishes that someone would notice and report me, call an ambulance for me, force me to stay alive. But no one in my life comes close to caring that much. I have nothing left to hold on to. This is it. I think these are my last days. ",1.3519988833054164,3.0627152914572875,3.1900083752093806,91.8829578447795,79.50251256281408,6.432272473478505,21.608319374651032,7.3871296695380915,0.6032376326074821,729,21,165,10,18,244,115,199,0.116,0.825,0.059,-0.8904,2,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,8,0,14,5,1,1,4,29,30,11,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,9,1,2,3,0,1,5,2,4,1,2,2,0,22,1,22,24,10,28,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,2,10,108,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175746711261485,0.0,0.13898093049537993,0.14003174796589826,0.0,0.11742220660061994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35164431033965554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330357105372684,0.11485019497448876,0.1302536086682795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747023295434335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398972114048966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116190465391916,0.15081094343567678,0.0,0.07491445997831793,0.2222277636869006,0.0,0.0,0.1481052642839726,0.0,0.19256483467693028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487992017282067,0.10020627451379432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307966983852407,0.15519408277094096,0.0,0.0,0.1847394197939492,0.0,0.14504741738856558,0.0,0.0,0.1476144837116875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549817935108105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452922968934531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910509378181394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20498191795579876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468866554742282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920947536620084,0.0,0.0,0.09254807342101408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163989847557656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218940923050628,0.15675405987363725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891533440524365,0.09683336131534094,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,balek77,2019/03/22,"Tonight i can't handle this anymore
tonight when i get off work im gonna kill myself
i know that no one cares about me
and i dont matter anyways
cutting just isnt enough i can't feel anything
goodbye",0.3113636363636374,2.4855474090909127,1.787454545454544,97.92118181818184,86.27272727272728,3.5200000000000005,24.70909090909091,3.1291,-0.015685454545454558,162,7,36,0,5,52,35,44,0.198,0.6940000000000001,0.108,-0.5579999999999999,0,2,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,7,1,2,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,22,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242950339875463,0.0,0.0,0.2690922262926158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333971640844363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832402664733676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33787726811119995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534046518946302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708434248712393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35321491702950664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617758254685479,0.0,0.17971003947565645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158291225411775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23805908816871166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,karmacruz,2019/03/22,help no options My service dog has been stolen and my brother won't give back my registered firearm. I have no quality or fulfillment in life. I've spent all morning sharpening a knife and i don't have it within myself to slice my wrist. If anyone would like to help me in my life please call or text 2539851116 or email jjj10nfl@gmail.com I'll pay.,2.959789915966386,5.537534558823534,3.1221008403361346,89.98088235294121,78.41176470588233,6.8268907563025225,25.890756302521005,7.957251820313856,1.577169747899159,282,11,56,5,7,86,51,68,0.125,0.7340000000000001,0.141,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,1,9,9,6,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,9,1,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,5,2,33,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23592212081525546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594443877588932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445292510336149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236705807018365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523122601992368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476639673242625,0.1648395289384418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37037046771969934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396835422924629,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ipxsetup,2019/03/22,"so useless i can't even starve properly trying to starve atm and i just keep eating and fucking it up. every time i eat and break the streak it makes me feel worse. i'm an overweight trans girl that will never have a correct body and holy fuck i jsut wnat to die.

why did my dad have to go and get arrested. if he didn't maybe i could have a gun to actually off myself with, but no, i have to go all the way accross town ot the train liens to get a reliable method.

even then i can't do anything right so i'd probably survive with some sort of physical disability",1.5129564553094,3.353094428571432,3.2055614973262045,91.34866310160429,79.50420168067227,6.680213903743317,22.582887700534762,7.686295010490155,0.8500184873949586,443,14,100,7,11,147,84,119,0.149,0.821,0.03,-0.8931,0,0,1,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,7,0,11,6,1,1,3,19,21,10,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,3,1,1,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,2,1,10,0,11,17,2,11,0,1,0,2,3,4,2,3,3,59,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.19403219493498886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362250681086413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208584901288765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875186408185962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635712293287625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069113205756067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626544651114616,0.0,0.1675252649412587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053587115577232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36763556077431053,0.20776393160602266,0.0,0.2260025993620681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767317868502006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327224818155359,0.0,0.1997543385466445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335216368320878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143754586945596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698021809012792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159410429597176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499446407646346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782427388251974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941573481803558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262767691261885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ASVP-Mateus,2019/03/22,"Is anyone preparing for the lonely Friday night that’s inevitably coming. Just want some re assurance I’m not alone in this, dreading Friday more than any weekday. Its just a constant reminder of how happy I used to be, getting off work or out of school to go and socialize and getting caught up in the moment, enjoying life. 

But now, like I said, it keeps those good memories at the forefront of my thought process so when I realize that tonight is only coming with a craving for drugs to escape, no friend to share my life with, and a constant fantasy of eating a bullet in my shower it only makes the day I have ahead of me more pointless and miserable. 
",8.582857142857144,7.149660619047619,8.239682539682539,73.39142857142859,61.85714285714285,10.939682539682536,38.460317460317455,9.725611199111238,3.715803174603174,522,22,93,8,6,167,89,126,0.083,0.736,0.181,0.8879,1,3,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,0,2,8,0,4,4,0,3,1,23,17,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,7,9,1,1,2,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,3,1,8,7,22,13,3,20,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,2,10,66,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950119333563844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804383969890626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165693408293586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243907888445321,0.0,0.40694977898773377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143164666858045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183569338878968,0.19266795195002134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547259478979918,0.0,0.19674778836328286,0.0,0.10700969904910823,0.15792894430346455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004384926415072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736104254228562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659899708622769,0.09198911454642746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568521668529953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669766236590634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28640646858608265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791071638993507,0.0,0.0,0.19055980461103408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193821733845687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948144139441746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262233753694413,0.0,0.0,0.11105847911527164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370775583908897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SavMcSav,2019/03/22,"My last day. I've made the decision that Monday is going to be my last day. I hope my religious ideas were at least sorta correct and something better awaits me on the other side. I hope my ex knows how much I loved him. Not really asking for advice I dont think,  I just felt like someone somewhere needed to know. Im going to try to do a few fun things over the weekend, maybe say goodbye in my own way to the few people I loved. 

I'm going to shoot myself Monday. And then this pain will finally be over. I gave it my best shot and I still failed. ",0.7004022988505731,2.731688810344828,2.7265517241379307,92.73195402298849,83.3103448275862,5.2459770114942526,17.42528735632184,6.42735559955562,-0.2068367816091952,426,9,93,4,12,143,80,116,0.075,0.7090000000000001,0.217,0.9533,0,0,1,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,3,10,0,0,5,0,7,3,0,2,1,18,23,5,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,2,17,8,12,16,6,20,0,1,0,2,7,6,0,3,11,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500944822001629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578626550156213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720966698789675,0.1493442243605473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780332294580174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19790435412048216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213346673192625,0.1849794574280665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879035491950943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33543502928453484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062401578057814,0.1823993357057692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560366643450124,0.2752892281127459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249717175348957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048080910267893,0.15978078070055998,0.0,0.0,0.16964401647600327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413259038966075,0.12520862068986358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968048145821844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170672632564544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108176964624729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428539744129933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307575306739584,0.12999778899906544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485296687421813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121840397569332,0.10819959464279656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464583575294507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403435396517044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goodbye45768,2019/03/22,"Theres way too many people subscribed here... I came here because I too, am finding myself in such a dark place I cant even understand the level of this depression. But it breaks my heart to see Just how many people are subscribed to this sub. So I hope to see everyone pull out of it. I hope everyone finds some light in this darkness and makes it another day. ",3.148333333333333,4.926334944444445,4.003888888888889,87.73,74.55555555555556,7.5777777777777775,25.88888888888889,8.344100000000001,1.6423722222222223,284,10,58,5,6,91,52,72,0.091,0.8220000000000001,0.087,-0.0616,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,2,0,13,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,8,9,1,10,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,3,1,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962732162367469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410241497659168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140825993206718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120714794351773,0.0,0.16121676375218733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362978421375374,0.0,0.0,0.3577145910600449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34215593188102794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180769336211792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37182142155415693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249432540977773,0.3795397017196451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595323233492505,0.0,0.19556193131510965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29831442347133397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485965657868592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857376146648155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,any2001,2019/03/22,.. I can't stand my sister mocking me with her friend when she is supposed to be supporting me as a family.. I don't wanna live anymore but I don't even have the guts to kill myself... life just feels like hell,1.4113636363636353,3.157985590909096,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,79.45454545454545,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.3473818181818187,162,4,36,2,4,54,37,44,0.274,0.591,0.135,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,0,5,8,3,1,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,9,3,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573839860279547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23801684398859066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397188516587348,0.0,0.18221072883711129,0.2574439196289109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784161227013864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986890732328281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545355586457265,0.1760555150594313,0.0,0.3182077744158211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089364885736844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrownawan13579,2019/03/22,checking into a hospital I been reading most of the morning about experiences checking in for being in a suicidal state. Based on what I have read results vary most being traumatic afterwards when you admitted yourself. For those who have experiences with it what's it been like for you?  I have been dealing with some traumatic issues over the loss of my mother but now I am facing legal trouble. I don't find a social connection talking to someone on the phone (someone I cant see) Id rather face to face contact.,4.1099198167239415,6.610048010309285,5.2793127147766326,76.40895761741128,74.05154639175258,8.02245131729668,32.42726231386025,8.841846274778883,3.2379722794959918,415,21,68,9,9,137,66,97,0.138,0.812,0.05,-0.8492,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,6,0,11,3,3,1,0,11,13,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,9,1,16,8,3,10,0,1,1,0,10,6,0,3,4,55,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683950427369364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468412577944994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883263233766245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499003730686144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697230812800907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789850991885725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907929235469845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440664464568074,0.4057327231400135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618951055074628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924429617488351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hvydna,2019/03/22,"Don't people realize that pills in combination with alcohol will more than likely result in throwing them up + organ damage? This isn't a post to encourage suicide at all obviously, as that would be very inhumane and it's not allowed anyways but why do so many people, especially on here make posts about using pills? Don't people realize that the more pills that are used at once to induce death, the higher the chance of puking them all up?",6.9875000000000025,7.427415130952383,7.5381904761904766,70.94014285714289,64.35714285714286,10.529523809523807,31.08571428571429,10.355215969177356,3.255031428571428,357,12,61,8,5,118,63,84,0.179,0.7929999999999999,0.028,-0.9299,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,4,0,6,3,16,11,4,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,14,8,4,10,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,44,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507619858560559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463470762662895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662601100956433,0.2378911527851963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498871155054949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4880156935374793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494462265625187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666133573972194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053123939506505,0.0,0.19360503208691915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172879283522647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668364057186785,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pocket_genie,2019/03/22,"Work, sobriety, and my perpetual depression I hit 8 days sober yesterday- which was a struggle! Trying to quit drinking has been one of my biggest challenges and I’m only fucking 23. I drink because I hate myself. I hate myself for so, so many reasons and being drunk makes me forget it all (most of the time). But yesterday, being told I’m not doing enough at work even though I feel I bust my ass 50 hours a week (even working more hours lately), and withdrawals making my negative emotions IMPOSSIBLE to control, I was so upset that suicide was on my mind all day. 
I had it all planned out. 
My birthday is the 10th of April. I was born in Colorado but never got to see it growing up. I’d pack up some shit and just up and leave for Colorado. Spend a couple days just blowing money and trying to enjoy myself. Stay at a hotel. And then on my birthday, that night, run a bath and slit the veins in my arms. I’d bleed out and it’d all be over. I don’t have to hate myself anymore.
I ended up relapsing last night and even though my emotions feel a tad bit more controllable, I still keep thinking about killing myself... ",2.9762944523470836,4.842039716216217,4.0623376007586565,86.74849928876247,75.26126126126127,6.295305832147938,26.098624940730204,7.0608816371341465,1.2138252252252246,875,32,171,9,19,284,131,222,0.173,0.794,0.033,-0.9829,0,0,2,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,0,8,12,11,6,2,9,0,15,9,4,5,5,36,31,19,2,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,13,3,3,4,5,2,2,4,9,0,1,8,3,27,2,24,18,10,36,0,1,1,2,1,14,3,2,19,119,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235283183277886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906028277775406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368289094483935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541278176340249,0.0,0.1253527769495146,0.0,0.2191872407372484,0.0,0.09757615818670026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196133754357145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548710816238847,0.1003409509419468,0.11705843107567968,0.0,0.22448011795296668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456524173169146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473440077924018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906080346253878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355500482423382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313485214204198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069699326917547,0.12533814650271038,0.0,0.0,0.09234613671732136,0.127795592492287,0.11995731848355252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512433625692402,0.1148578631377801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439019104866355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737591618032148,0.0,0.0,0.2126292122426656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676795839698346,0.08616183850603783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204974244570778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164805672620135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027713587762133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629013650665634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075162968205988,0.09047321321706576,0.0,0.0,0.11843487766907418,0.0,0.1239204242276777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259139508030624,0.22261289468513404,0.0,0.06606007119948168,0.0,0.0,0.10825305852379813,0.0,0.15383239068369278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908740758775438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742851320052345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chaseandwin232,2019/03/22,"You can't change my mind I've already made up my mind that I want to kill myself, so I just want a method that is quick and easy to access. I've tried looking on google, but to no avail. Any ideas?",0.34090909090908994,1.8216558181818208,1.5727272727272743,103.37909090909092,81.72727272727272,4.4,15.545454545454547,3.1291,-1.418981818181818,152,2,40,0,4,48,34,44,0.132,0.769,0.099,-0.5267,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,6,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080978952116009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986172420484115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953505903517625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151764245862436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30888716953757905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344529275021703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26418043378525885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638133851791166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895546290867536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293521091209971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlligatorPhi,2019/03/22,"I just don't see the point anymore I'm a math major in college. I hate it. Everytime I have a test coming up I have a panic attack. I'll study for hours and still end up barely passing. I'll come back home and think about suicide for the rest of the day. I don't think this major is for me. I wanted to study something like Philosophy.  Everytime I think about switching to Philosophy, I get swamped with people telling how unsuccessful I'm going to be. I'm stuck majoring in something that is literally driving me to suicide. I just want to be happy. I'm either going to end up staying a math major, having panic attacks, thinking about suicide until I land some crappy programming job or major in a liberal art and be unemployed/barely making enough money to live on. I just don't know anymore.",3.1671428571428564,5.26750022292994,5.017966333030028,79.06014331210194,75.43312101910828,7.033484986351231,27.77479526842584,7.957251820313856,2.0476718835304832,633,26,112,10,14,216,87,157,0.233,0.72,0.046,-0.9854,4,0,2,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,3,2,8,0,11,0,0,2,0,21,31,6,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,5,1,1,6,3,5,0,0,1,1,13,2,23,27,9,23,0,0,1,0,1,9,0,2,8,72,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630746669076228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017807491993485,0.0,0.10198739409399338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285049722133457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553798690357757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23494879315133935,0.13704642447195936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929581458389639,0.0,0.15075796939162767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411914079147396,0.0,0.13094866076832878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304276210625732,0.0,0.13061781787155488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161882453888346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728922028094171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647982951002833,0.0,0.11711829227752545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853425539177974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31123494993795003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919517470700856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538204425169808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569216219546368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20421633650948745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137024514184346,0.10592172018666436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352403556939519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159280019805164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399461636985583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564619931082814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Massiveyayce,2019/03/22,"Bad day at work. After essentially being told that I'm not good enough at my job today which I've been in for 3 years my depression has really hit me. 

I've definitely felt sometimes that suicide is genuinely an option which I never, ever thought I'd say. Just thinking that I'm not good at anything, I'll be replaced by another person soon enough and I'll be forgotten. 

Sometimes I think that if I was gone it would be easier. I wouldn't have the stress of work, I don't have a partner at all, I haven't had one for years now so there's no girlfriend that would be hurt. I have a family 3 brothers, mum and my dad who I get on well with but I still just think if I was gone there's no way of disappointing them and they would eventually be able to just live their lives without worrying about me anymore.

This is the first post I've ever put on Reddit and I'm only writing this on here because I feel it's the one way that no one will know who I really am and I can say how I really feel without anyone who knows me then treating me differently even though that may be the best thing to do for me. 

Essentially I just hope that I'm not the only one who feels like this and I just want to be happy. 

If anyone can give me tips of how to make each day easier on myself I really would appreciate it. I don't feel like this everyday but today has just put me in a bad place.",3.692121540965818,4.069302216494847,5.346044492674989,84.01318502441673,71.5085910652921,8.875456682944474,25.281425212515828,8.99025400887824,1.61133264604811,1079,29,240,20,19,369,142,291,0.106,0.76,0.134,0.8809,2,0,0,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,3,4,21,15,0,1,9,0,33,0,0,3,4,52,57,16,1,10,16,3,5,2,2,7,0,2,0,2,22,8,0,0,11,0,0,4,13,6,1,5,9,7,32,9,26,32,5,34,0,3,0,0,18,11,0,6,18,171,54,3,0.09629366962157078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097230859793976,0.0,0.0,0.09549744538370432,0.13466154547748044,0.0,0.0792414853461658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608023838894889,0.05869972723578148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105426542053164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242029014587679,0.0,0.0829375965445626,0.0,0.0,0.10060638969170456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899420327900336,0.0,0.06360106061782009,0.17420627417867435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907771018020856,0.0,0.1947558906468284,0.13758443363607026,0.09245702370062037,0.0,0.0,0.08190734618846418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050309468002623536,0.09237366227525973,0.0,0.16153312291272542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250640188567296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564134129030988,0.0,0.0,0.10308436492293746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555660874243747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584096505399407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940884459919414,0.0,0.17005814891531276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427677220499738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742676143285867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610043305413352,0.14647134981228518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407991809357253,0.10060638969170456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222271746865393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936034689193838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467527619996364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531531820559368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047380295698035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690024894739032,0.0,0.11030407320916044,0.0,0.0,0.10532964547098793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397323533325575,0.18510328597661452,0.09460804149352836,0.07644641757225401,0.0,0.0,0.18255027895598586,0.09201272789796552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679650122575401,0.15286686568843802,0.0,0.0,0.08657957339461184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564732253516086,0.0,0.14020587667314718,0.09779089570666118,0.0,0.2736170403952475,0.0,0.0,0.1240199322486389
suicidewatch,MafeSode,2019/03/22,"2 of my favourite pop singers have beautiful bodies and it makes me want to die from a concussion Why do my favourite singers have to be the skinniest?  Singers my size (32 inch waist, so like a UK 16-18) seem to be the shittiest or most boring singers in the world and yet UK size 0-6 women with protruding ribs and spines seem to make talented dance bops?  I feel like a turkey voting for Christmas by supporting twiggy singers and I have an extra pressure to throw up and look like them.  Sometimes I hope the concussion will leave me so brain damaged that my fear of death (I am a coward) will go away.  I am too weak to starve myself to look like these women so I might as well die from a concussion.  Also I have a fear that the countries I want to go to will be full of women with twiggy arms and legs (I have seen pictures of women from these nations and it looks like the last place they gain weight is their limbs) and people will shout out ""THUNDER THIGHS"" from the streets.",6.942615384615383,5.929925851282058,6.29602564102564,84.6548076923077,64.84615384615384,9.646153846153846,32.32051282051282,8.548686976883017,2.2079128205128207,771,25,163,9,10,236,112,195,0.163,0.6709999999999999,0.165,-0.3097,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,3,1,7,15,0,3,14,0,17,10,8,2,0,22,32,14,3,3,1,0,2,5,0,5,1,2,0,4,6,11,2,0,3,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,8,19,9,26,23,3,16,0,1,4,0,7,10,0,6,7,101,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910986632616855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993708994416607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544237822157973,0.0,0.16626992983561398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091591648666642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33520513863714596,0.07531018441212553,0.10640509034111756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692957671715549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793425813358976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140863111372495,0.0,0.15770940016410567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638307521877676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37522446285812333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988415570732157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800525507277166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325849854448513,0.0,0.15561399936210496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711846888527802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473086865688871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901903945986912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570118026495565,0.0,0.0,0.1813727576949254,0.13391787261511634,0.0,0.13439811999686918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sophie123i,2019/03/22,"JJ32Moose18 - Does anyone know by any chance what happened to this guy? Hi everyone!

I'm not sure this is allowed but here it goes:

I've been following this user for quite a long time. He used to post on this subrredit as well as in other subrredits such as the OCD and loneliness ones. He was struggling and regularly made posts about sadness and suicide. Lately, I could tell he was even more suicidal than the usual. He was commenting on pet-related subrredits saying things to pet-owners to trigger them, so they would say bad thing to him in return and he could ""get the last bit of motivation he needed to kill himself"", because, he said, he was so close.

I'm worried because his account was deleted some days ago and he hasn't showed up since then I think. And he was VERY active on Reddit. Me and u/thescopeoflife talked about this and he also doesn't know what happened to this Moose guy.

Does anyone knows anything about what happened to him, by any chance?

Thank you... ",3.6655882352941163,5.994361403225808,3.9028652751423145,86.56841555977232,74.75268817204302,6.742061986084758,25.99493991144845,7.724431198458867,1.5019991144845033,775,28,145,11,17,240,119,186,0.18600000000000005,0.731,0.083,-0.9813,2,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,1,2,2,10,7,1,1,4,0,13,0,0,5,1,26,29,16,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,13,9,0,0,5,1,1,1,3,4,1,1,9,3,10,3,25,17,3,19,0,1,0,0,27,7,0,1,9,86,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266452206347938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164005662683197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286171093887154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777394596730211,0.0,0.10459065161605816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612134564960522,0.1549552660315529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875786848126492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20295448631377566,0.0,0.0,0.0819675599178187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244826479571733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394689151056009,0.0,0.0,0.12144738486133035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640334943073133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516935884824241,0.3371764674621728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061487336890446,0.0,0.20954886422769425,0.10360166224679956,0.14337184294502442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247754448631724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202630018555596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424140072626612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612475172151779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434490992114362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518414428559247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208991032518807,0.2021465276468128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513660515929577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287020584382447,0.0,0.2780487065878066,0.0,0.1197881627965473,0.0,0.0,0.10215638910568642,0.11108907039398136,0.11701456877068067,0.0,0.0,0.16887624809815371,0.08143913175442279,0.0,0.0,0.0741117433570398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977168276747236,0.13998025928334382,0.1048689873866488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114276176909409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290739750699609,0.0,0.0902866232983256,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweetrthancheesecake,2019/03/22,Advice Will seroquel and Xanax and some sort of cut to myself take me out? Would being in a bathtub be good so when I fall asleep I could drown?,0.060999999999999936,2.4016641000000014,1.1016666666666666,100.5225,91.33333333333334,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.4813333333333327,113,2,25,0,4,35,28,30,0.193,0.72,0.087,-0.5504,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,7,6,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326389187704157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351963489440837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571812785505178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098269774285887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872041414957788,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,last2live,2019/03/22,"nothing is going right my grandfather was one of the few people i really could talk to about my issues and now hes gone. worst part is it wasnt quick, his mental degradation was slow and dreadful. it just strained everyone including me even if i wasnt good at showing it.

one of my many issues is that i cant ever seem to do anything right. i always fuck it up somehow

this has been a pattern for a long time now. whenever i actually try with something it goes wrong no matter what and whenever i work on something it always comes out inferior to everyone elses

ive created a situation where ive just stopped trying, and when i stop it only makes me feel worse about what ive made. i rationalize this by thinking if i tried id only feel worse when it turned out to be shit

it also seems im only noticed when i do something wrong. no one ever tells me im doing fine, or that im anywhere near adequate. its always that im terrible and whatever i do is terrible

i honestly dont know if things will improve and idk if i will ever find long term happiness.

i dont even know if anyone will read this or if im just shouting out into the void like i always do",3.5210568708811323,4.411644356846471,5.508948010739566,80.816006834269,72.23651452282158,8.824115206248473,28.28435440566268,9.168548406835145,2.313314181108128,914,34,187,19,17,318,129,241,0.212,0.7140000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9872,0,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,19,16,2,2,5,0,27,2,1,2,3,41,41,18,0,7,11,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,19,12,0,2,8,2,0,3,7,11,0,3,7,3,26,5,19,29,4,30,0,1,0,1,4,11,2,11,17,131,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.08584287156212889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034698877990561,0.29278157553794804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150840618512465,0.0,0.07238915089088525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577557741999924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023430252486518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061927827453183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348494303682418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162024349687809,0.23871292062300745,0.0,0.1681120240134439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889572771972539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804000279472391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132385513598478,0.0,0.0,0.04999353874300491,0.07378234744921391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364225520215776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750959973469533,0.1836288926757485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966884650919938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042976117145241716,0.0,0.0,0.15569563462603353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323627832314122,0.058718497534470476,0.0891844909938803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864980734037313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440648180357704,0.1001507429862344,0.0,0.0,0.17882566610336836,0.2007080621299747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525943228824603,0.0,0.060985077580788985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799056829342093,0.0,0.05635376104796432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024627032603252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016327490258864,0.0,0.0,0.09029661834744328,0.0,0.09887832754240193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316333602345346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708830591575464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070435216892881,0.0768868283620429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058441208734122216,0.056365549940683886,0.0,0.0,0.05129412705404377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917097384581426,0.09568257811098296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640408513163515,0.0,0.1792912939006896,0.0,0.19235569269380606,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SilosSerenade,2019/03/22,"My Story I was born in the fall of '89 a bastard and the youngest of 4. Bought with a case of Coors and some chewing tobacco. My mother ended up marrying an abusive, drunk, meth addict. He would beat us, spit, golden shower, basically anything else you could imagine. We lived in a one bedroom trailer with 8 dogs, infested with cockroaches. Never had food. One day my sister got tired of it and went to the cops, we got taken away when I was 8 and thrust into foster care. My early years were spent jumping from home to home until one day I found out I'll not be going back with my mom. She chose the abuser and signed over her rights.

From there my life took a spiral, I started acting out to the point I had to go into a mental hospital at 12. Then it was group home after group home. Finally at 17 I got emancipated from the state. Becoming my own guardian. I first tried to find my mom, only to be disappointed that she didn't change and was still with said abuser. I was homeless, so were they. I couch hopped where I could. Did a lot of drugs to numb myself. I was alone, no one wanted to take me in. Why was I even alive? My birth dad was dead. My mother chose a piece of shit over me. I had no goals or future prospects. I was alone.

I decided to overdose on dramamine (motion sickness pills). I took two full vials. Ended up in jail, they found me disoriented and naked, unable to speak. They saved my life but I wasn't thankful.

I ended up getting released on an obstruction charge, time served. That night I was walking alone when I stopped by a tree and broke down. Letting 19 years of anger out at God at one time. That's when it all changed for me. Next thing I knew, I was on a bus headed to the other side of the country with no clue what I was doing. Then I met my wife. She convinced her mom to let me move in. I got a job, took care of the cleaning. Had my first child. Now I'm 29, with two kids, I've been married for 5 years and work as a caregiver for the disabled.

During the darkest of times there is always light. It just takes a while to find it. Keep your head up and hopefully this helps someone as it's hard to share such a personal story.",1.7985696942942295,3.723612502262444,3.0039830040834365,92.72674152963249,78.9547511312217,5.760158922856197,21.187727623882576,6.697824305789354,0.27742968767244314,1674,46,365,16,41,539,244,442,0.126,0.813,0.061,-0.9716,2,3,3,0,2,0,60.0,3,2,3,5,13,13,3,0,26,0,31,15,4,0,2,48,60,22,1,5,4,8,1,0,0,1,8,2,8,3,13,24,3,2,7,1,2,12,7,6,0,9,38,4,57,7,67,15,6,77,0,2,0,0,32,30,2,4,34,242,70,3,0.0,0.2686591563356863,0.0,0.08239621844580004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23484241714578774,0.0,0.0,0.06289079939421813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062198060907782474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101236488875398,0.058118373739103786,0.0,0.0,0.08347507187880243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541230484722832,0.0,0.15991279221953958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069315284114565,0.0,0.0,0.09748908158533834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765184993587616,0.0,0.06313958523562149,0.0,0.20083131681945496,0.0,0.0,0.04992161144917443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279707202311075,0.138162301220733,0.12858108564648255,0.0913948110334934,0.16574489575798998,0.0,0.0,0.03948880237915328,0.0,0.08591069599421228,0.0,0.24180132155969444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770718670151869,0.0,0.15513915914680745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066144080454658,0.0,0.3032621448979461,0.07507060152759415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500409343337536,0.067181310548899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545767113498262,0.10677248757503577,0.0,0.0,0.06674084324576053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425764552408339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616950949916411,0.0,0.0,0.2655643732343692,0.0,0.0803323696274952,0.0,0.0,0.05829398047381055,0.0,0.08038297991592723,0.07092917412765982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560837163968945,0.05748399274112316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599583341806234,0.0,0.0,0.07145001176593659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645471493856297,0.0718963853037343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758447914669805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404091349488722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349777150393527,0.0,0.06036038253143184,0.0631904594651253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365745633028895,0.0,0.0,0.06958632691393682,0.0,0.0,0.05021373804823904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221851062438664,0.08687110960796543,0.0,0.0,0.2519252346502279,0.051315641487799435,0.0,0.14766648548035602,0.0,0.09091659249396912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458059092602964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006585126932499,0.06820156358395174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502505170650111,0.0,0.0,0.05369172873768651,0.0,0.0,0.1460181986635326
suicidewatch,OfficialPoloSupreme,2019/03/22,Pills Don’t you hate when you take every pill in the house and you’re still able to wake up the next day? ,0.8587500000000006,2.0680740416666694,1.3816666666666642,106.53,79.41666666666666,4.800000000000002,12.0,3.1291,-2.0023500000000003,83,0,23,0,2,25,21,24,0.15,0.85,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,11,2,0,0.3844423106666601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247933486261157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239092275975598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795571904459146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435948102966577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088587587969169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070161259027723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890527731854409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aahead,2019/03/22,"I lack the courage to kill myself but I can stop eating and drinking I have wanted to die for a long time but I am too afraid to fail a suicide attempt. What will happen if I refuse to eat or drink?
Will I be sectioned? What are my rights? Can I be forced to eat?  How long can I be out of hospital and continue my struggle? I am in my 30's.
Thanks in advance",-0.9242307692307712,1.1361988846153892,1.3699487179487198,99.13338461538464,92.20512820512822,4.1456410256410265,19.33846153846153,5.6839178017228535,-0.3450707692307695,275,9,66,2,10,92,51,78,0.361,0.5770000000000001,0.062,-0.984,0,0,2,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,2,3,0,12,5,0,1,0,12,15,7,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,2,10,10,2,11,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,50,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086944330773288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939733984668107,0.0,0.6172803207856524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781875906340436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224707063026706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559077096974383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172545039801387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811602395754996,0.0,0.21021765217614374,0.0,0.2199543002070951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851320072935651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725425266150387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860511468979668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nylostandfound,2019/03/22,"Ready to go but scared of failure I'm 48 and I know it is over for me. I make tons of money with little effort but it depresses me even more. The state stands to seriously benefit when I go. No one else is going to get it. What good are numbers on a website? Even 7 of them?  I cry everytime I look at it.

​

I never had a real life, never married, no kids, and at this point the chance of that are zero. Even if I live I will rot alone as I get older. I am in perfect health but it is only going to go down hill.

Now I am just invisible. I tried self improvement but it did nothing. All working out and eating well did was give me a skinny body with a bit of muscle. I'm still invisible to women and have no friends.  A part of me dies when I see couples holding hands.

​

No one give a flying fuck about me.

​

My only fear is making the situation worse. I wish I knew of a surefire way to die without any suffering or repercussions. I am human detritus. 

​

​",0.19536946702800506,2.5597219317073185,2.6823306233062354,89.35485998193316,90.65853658536585,5.183378500451672,21.25112917795845,6.775458762138228,0.6680424570912376,776,28,159,11,27,266,125,205,0.189,0.637,0.174,-0.7792,0,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,3,10,11,1,2,10,0,15,7,3,2,4,26,34,13,2,2,8,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,9,7,2,1,2,0,1,5,7,6,1,3,5,3,23,5,26,28,5,24,0,2,2,1,8,9,1,2,7,115,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089488069425378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231423361246192,0.4745403339999621,0.05311516560962328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527217651602433,0.08675882345369311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086423466019888,0.08579643123698431,0.0,0.0,0.0672730991415995,0.0,0.1621246363361302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992254996067369,0.06524804092204706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476601570511744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789163863699076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060344964522239385,0.07220829204688027,0.0816149483396986,0.14985393354091794,0.22194890047794635,0.06551210937563867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302366215179997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292534406572887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516900065661414,0.0,0.07828333139074135,0.06896955776666255,0.0,0.06558987138715369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427352248447293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048124830944695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494538814633106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585410559528198,0.11880717609210445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845818351255956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383598220018757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890240920567175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819833125845939,0.0,0.06224084679061135,0.0,0.08148221702021077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779508964928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623760307386269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053029253569566566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199738260680328,0.0,0.0,0.07022721259451503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981873400306427,0.07529197405407069,0.0,0.05686253421028192,0.0,0.07959729706490179,0.0,0.0,0.4745403339999621,0.0
suicidewatch,AcidToast94,2019/03/22,"I can't fight anymore I'm currently 24 

My life always has been bad 

Since kindergarten I was beaten and abused by other children through 9 the grade. No one cared

This caused me to become shy and scared of other people

Went to college and developed a tumor, it was benign but caused a lot of pain. No one cared. I struggled with it for 5 years

I love a girl since 10th grade, I can't get her out of my head
I can't sleep, I dream about her every night
She didn't even gave me a chance

I can't take it anymore. I bought I box cutter, but I'm such a coward to use it",0.5437804878048773,2.34624543089431,2.222134146341464,97.38734756097557,82.4959349593496,4.750406504065039,17.567073170731707,5.46131890053228,-0.6624195121951217,440,9,104,2,12,144,78,123,0.232,0.634,0.134,-0.858,1,0,0,0,2,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,2,2,6,0,9,5,2,3,0,11,20,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,7,6,0,2,7,0,17,4,12,13,1,5,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,3,63,24,4,0.0,0.2044511281216072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358075555651142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342259181025152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407739389199384,0.0,0.19057499675531925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518655186685017,0.35452592994199034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397188077609373,0.0,0.1453862169429799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015360173879186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709265823665407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188169482928587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670128832038007,0.1557388962426212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193250062560074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385737716900976,0.0,0.1836121853877316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962888717479735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275906819349465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854808894719144,0.0,0.17268102725042786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803934247788368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297409447146762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903333424075313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599615199816448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112066996050013
suicidewatch,AeroNauseous,2019/03/22,"So close I was so close to making it. I had gotten a healthy routine and thrown out any abusable substances because even though I was struggling I had the motivating to stay sober. Well, my life fell apart last night. I have nothing here to numb the pain, nothing to distract me. Wish I had at least kept a cigarette.  You know, There's a shift in thinking from idealized death to having looked it in the face. There's no sadness really, nothing. Maybe some fear.  Im detached from everything I don't even feel like this is real and I hope it's just a bad dream. I want to wake up and find last night was just a dream. 

I shattered a jar last night in any attempt to slit my throat with a nice sized shard, but  I got foiled by my roommate coming home early. I pretended I just dropped it being clumsy and swept up the glass. I wish they would've somehow known what was going on, I know we aren't close in the slightest, but part of me wanted them to read my mind or something.  I called up my friend afterwards and mentioned I was depressed but didn't tell her how bad it was, I didn't want her to worry but I still wanted support. She's out of town unto Monday but said I should invite someone else over- when she said that I realized that she was the only one left. 

I had lost the other person last night, and it suddenly hit me that she was the only one I had. I was too embarrassed to explain that. Maybe I did tell her but my mind is in a haze right now. I remember making this awful, awful sound of despair after the call ended.  I haven't gotten much sleep. I've noticed everyone leaves eventually. One day my friend will leave me too. Then I'll really have no one. I dont know how to cope. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? In a sense I guess it's true as I'm bipolar, my brain is different. I'm still drozy from the allergy pills I used to try and put myself to sleep last night, and I wish I could just fall asleep and have it end. I dont have the energy for much else besides sleep right now. exhausted",2.2195945945945965,4.094351016908213,3.310015667841757,91.26058166862516,77.47826086956522,6.311424467946208,22.300300300300304,7.222845823187471,0.6315812247029635,1587,46,341,19,37,510,208,414,0.14800000000000002,0.737,0.115,-0.9598,1,0,3,0,1,0,41.0,1,1,2,4,24,23,0,4,20,2,35,14,8,6,1,64,67,24,1,11,11,0,1,1,2,2,6,3,1,1,16,18,0,1,11,4,0,5,9,14,1,4,24,5,58,9,40,38,5,53,0,4,1,0,22,22,0,5,25,221,74,2,0.0,0.08769638170568804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066629085870678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359986707823635,0.045119222168108486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262588692262578,0.15115640405710806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375788475747332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059095433104809414,0.0,0.0,0.04773393820325842,0.0,0.06374952697057876,0.0,0.0,0.07733054754749043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349146159893256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366107099606907,0.0,0.13111170345706505,0.0,0.0,0.09777321017578852,0.0,0.0,0.07072507672218575,0.06652044783617178,0.0,0.0,0.08328812644685281,0.03742451077901124,0.0528767587212502,0.0,0.0,0.06764891658885305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436853638188585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042064770607126,0.0,0.05919703598137355,0.0,0.08153652690114542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424368066938088,0.07351419042886001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994954807058785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203111262109573,0.30166295961486417,0.0,0.15674366468402035,0.08041816489030959,0.0,0.052279406481570916,0.03616028300362139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062154461862848114,0.0,0.08079676967022169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881197415848836,0.0,0.14871723515500535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494693110477552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881996323159716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472931285801609,0.0,0.21305989038346368,0.08426725004415976,0.0,0.0,0.20061954170980312,0.11258439663438156,0.07875781583362333,0.0,0.0,0.08015168095958779,0.0,0.0,0.0646275661401676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440612024995445,0.0,0.0,0.0740356286815422,0.08424595574937338,0.09483257600615813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384524519880178,0.1264178342791368,0.14081156811891607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220715656912166,0.0,0.06271317685087115,0.11396164838468968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889078045508703,0.11821790595732615,0.0,0.0,0.07737717459397718,0.0,0.0,0.08399202463120713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293857918073998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047426207226251266,0.07271995022890168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025173321578545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392571313509528,0.0,0.0,0.1746252718948891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654891242544529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553428582384519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516643359660465,0.0,0.052578557924917134,0.08092443835326546,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,historywinchester,2019/03/22,"Irrelevant to this sub somewhat, but I feel genuinely happy and excited for the first time since August 2017 So, this post is just my kind of writing and sharing of my happiness for the first time in years. It is kind of irrelevant to the sub, so I do apologise, but I feel as though this is a good place to post since I used to post here quite frequently when my depression rocked me bad, and also because I can’t share this with anyone else without feeling weird or awkward lol.


So for the first time, since maybe August 2017 (I don’t know the exact date) I feel genuinely happy and excited to go hang out with my friends. That might sound odd because people typically are happy and excited about hanging with good friends, but it’s honestly the first time I’ve felt happy and excited like this for ages. I used to just look at this as another boring bleak day, and tomorrow would be no better if anything it’d probably get worse. But, now I don’t. I’m not exactly sure why, maybe it’s related to actually finding a direction of where I want to go in terms of life, or the fact that I recently started smoking pot and hookah with my friends every weekend. But, it’s just amazing to me. It feels like I haven’t felt like this since I was in year 6. I just, can’t fathom it, that this feeling is actually here again, that I’m actually still capable of feeling this way. It always like this feeling was something I could only experience as a kid. But, I feel like this again. I don’t know dude, I’m just super happy and excited. It feels weird, because looking at it like normally, I haven’t progressed much, I still don’t really care enough for myself. But, I feel this way. It feels like I’m about to experience a life changing experience that I’ve always wanted. At the same time I feel like a stupid happy twat, but it’s a good feeling none the less. I don’t think the feeling will stick around, but god I’d be lying if I didn’t say I am not enjoying this for as long as I possibly can. It gives me excitement that I could find this feeling again. 

My dream, is and was to feel like this, if I ever manage to get a chance to tour Europe (I’m from Australia, so as you can imagine the idea of being able to go that far out my area sounds like I’m trying to run up a 90 degree wall) just fuck lol",4.794606542882407,5.0308628461538465,5.8824255820807565,81.63192307692309,69.04273504273505,9.361155319776008,29.81314470969643,9.314750747691287,2.3685398467432948,1804,64,377,34,29,602,197,468,0.107,0.599,0.293,0.9989,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,8,26,48,2,1,19,2,32,3,0,2,5,83,75,37,0,9,23,0,19,10,3,3,2,3,0,1,35,17,0,0,26,3,0,6,15,8,0,4,6,24,39,40,52,60,7,57,0,1,2,1,10,15,1,7,41,236,74,1,0.056385150636711165,0.0,0.16507132009699946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045091184592784085,0.0938339244999698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912474675444245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03942580834524129,0.057773250116136175,0.046400174647819335,0.050194738412806326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047079245572338314,0.1031155934402764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986808364750688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057488418947426234,0.0,0.059648012969473974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003790936389776,0.0,0.0,0.03636375753355043,0.0,0.04856444762142874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047102558172470915,0.0,0.0,0.05826093330856642,0.0,0.0,0.05100359686170058,0.047506921283035165,0.0,0.0,0.16546649035450064,0.0,0.0,0.4846704478843062,0.20140781440576136,0.10827717396728312,0.0,0.10307001235764399,0.19184472130887587,0.0,0.0,0.13068908253752815,0.05212716318542671,0.05891782799282325,0.054089774361329813,0.09613494150944787,0.14187956753616285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201612893127634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365197184472295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743291521476555,0.06197560838171106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965299880343829,0.2754693647712674,0.0,0.0,0.0498990839762748,0.09469865114354348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329292498785408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059815734354081725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041449573476566325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055245475922941066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288344787141676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909036389893225,0.0,0.0589104814478031,0.0,0.0,0.06356578531833006,0.16200416404419754,0.0,0.060792729053662724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997254828752256,0.0,0.0,0.036121771322175616,0.0,0.05567353389849479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04483973492054555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656951709902744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340804368936085,0.0,0.0,0.0399096998334418,0.0,0.09005850826829175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314233718425214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03612932779540897,0.05539812421752215,0.0,0.16439317386818153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828181606383247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739733280357013,0.0,0.0,0.06651484546882201,0.0895118161253835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050878828300477665,0.0,0.0,0.054353273104996866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057461285616992874,0.04005439324331528,0.0,0.0,0.0726203767005234
suicidewatch,birdygravelelbows,2019/03/22,"Truth Its been a while since I've felt ok, my health is declining, nothing that'll kill me it's just making shit difficult. I'm having a hard time finding purpose, and I feel like I cant get on top of anything. I am defeated, and i have the constant feeling I'm gonna die soon, whether its self inflicted or not idk. I'm not gonna kill myself, but if someone gives me an easy way out I'm gonna take it.",2.6568913857677927,3.0152565056179803,4.3815168539325855,90.06905430711613,73.83146067415731,7.7310861423220985,28.316479400749067,7.793537801064563,1.4679423220973784,315,12,75,4,6,107,67,89,0.13,0.682,0.188,0.6046,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,3,0,4,1,7,2,1,1,1,16,21,7,3,1,7,0,4,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,8,3,3,15,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,2,5,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992441672857376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23627522128443235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269167347766065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22110476523759406,0.15619847902118414,0.20993140132498733,0.0,0.19983558247800187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423185275684475,0.20974212224004649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958610268198749,0.0,0.0,0.2324071004930189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.483791786041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681784100868756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594578455537668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979368896744152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22809215238886615,0.0,0.2244337195392082,0.18086360556916456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525535746872274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439219517952713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749239047867106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354849878169445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arashinarukami,2019/03/22,"Everyone abandons me. I can’t take it much longer. Everyone who says they won’t leave ends up leaving me and hurting me. I’m a burden alive and I’ll be better off dead. Hope this rispiredral overdose kills me off or leaves me severely brain damaged so I can’t feel emotional pain anymore. 

So much for “I’ll be here for you” and “I won’t leave”",0.4920500782472601,2.8915072816901457,2.1120187793427263,93.97143974960878,88.85915492957747,5.40907668231612,23.381846635367765,6.937597516519254,0.8723320813771527,271,11,58,4,9,88,47,71,0.327,0.55,0.123,-0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,1,3,8,1,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,7,10,6,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,2,10,2,5,6,2,4,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652134007415291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733610627424046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597053059672425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739233118941656,0.14755008368130376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31836947316125536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423336058604776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546234490948633,0.0,0.0,0.1783389956010849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18430813971091528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7055828040008636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24492694790250394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726445481830308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247976393599709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882002899592135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525561843236668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,camaradaries,2019/03/22,"no one would mourn me, really i just find it sad that i'm surrounded by people who will never know about how much they mean to me but would never even think of me. i really mean nothing to them in comparison after all; i don't know how i could live constantly pining for their attention yet never failing to disappoint them. they really shouldn't have to put up with me, god knows i don't even want to",10.559715447154474,5.990789036585365,10.467560975609755,68.69898373983742,61.073170731707314,14.835772357723574,35.86991869918699,12.45797560212912,4.058182113821138,319,7,66,8,3,107,56,82,0.084,0.805,0.111,0.6378,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,5,1,7,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,22,16,3,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,7,4,0,1,0,0,14,0,13,11,2,10,0,4,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471485146288693,0.0,0.15125058635453406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502436244544519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314262308842066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123300121128105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727695709471874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127063751548188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139258504262645,0.0,0.438318091128586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817705794172952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836788616122405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133224665690224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904372085100378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640759185486452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138402706720088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173526184154656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691422094061052,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CanIStillBeGarth,2019/03/22,"I'm so angry People are shit.

The world is shit.

Life is shit.

Might blow my brains out later idk",-1.9835714285714268,-0.43700852380952426,-0.056785714285712885,104.82053571428574,110.42857142857143,2.1,5.25,3.1291,-2.8000571428571432,75,0,18,0,4,24,18,21,0.513,0.487,0.0,-0.9412,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,4,5,4,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116083342822247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716216524539007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961194149161084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351790647738992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8595879469745703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ithacancypher2k,2019/03/22,Home invasion please.... Could just break into my house and put me out of my misery while I’m asleep? You can steal any and every single possession for ending my pain,5.8515625,6.42063103125,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,66.8125,8.9,22.25,8.841846274778883,1.2655124999999998,131,2,25,2,2,41,29,32,0.267,0.733,0.0,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363337099997684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774760613620996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30781024152254843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928107393471191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486029801427866,0.0,0.0,0.4010053228088026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697986018688961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814858267532237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34936569720328986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hornysalsaman22,2019/03/22,"Im worried about my friend He is living in my old country (I no longer live there)  and he is being made fun of a lot by my other friends,  he just told me over text they either he's going to die on Monday or one of them is,  he also said he is going to beat one if them to a pulp and bring a knife with him just in case.  He then proceeds to tell me that he is fine. 

As his friend from overseas,  what can I do to help him? 
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suicidewatch,zexmillian,2019/03/22,"ABSURD (part1) let's agree on something, life is meaningless in every single aspect you could count. we are for a few moments before we're whipped out forever. leaving no trace behind as if we were never there. all your happiness and misery will be gone. all your funny moments and sad memories will decompose with your decaying organic matter. whatever accomplishments you think you made or you think you missed are only socially constructed for the favor of something that's even less worthy of this worthless life. being rich, being famous, being social, being funny, or even being itself! your mind's reward system had been programmed to make it feel like an accomplishments either by nature for the survival of your own race or by the society to make a profit of this meaningless experience. 
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suicidewatch,durrango1,2019/03/22,So very tired Mid sixties and still have no enthusiasm for for life.   What the fuck is wrong with me...... ,2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,2.4700000000000024,95.165,79.5,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.11850000000000005,79,2,18,1,2,24,19,20,0.407,0.4970000000000001,0.096,-0.8545,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058602895337855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100877467818518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505962151702933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045806696194557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622315639968447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799916150042132,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sandr725,2019/03/22,"University dropout Hi. I'm a 24 M, student ar Architecture uni. Due to my depression I can't go to courses and probably I have to dropout. But if I can't continue the architecture probably I will kill myself. Architecture is the only thing I love to work, even if I know i'm not that great at it. If I'm going to commit suicide atleast everybody will remember me as 'architecture student' which is better than live as a failure. I know that probably everybody in the comment will tell me that 'being a dropout is not the end of the world' but for me is really the end.
(Sorry for my english)",4.60173076923077,5.5447727094017125,6.653920940170941,73.40600961538466,69.76923076923077,10.636324786324787,35.13782051282051,10.686352973137794,4.058761538461539,465,24,89,14,8,164,66,117,0.109,0.836,0.055,-0.7267,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,5,1,5,1,0,9,0,11,1,0,0,1,12,19,8,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,13,3,13,15,0,9,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,3,4,61,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551851041742008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119157668785966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315177885512637,0.0,0.0,0.12361046940271715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127227297013532,0.0,0.0,0.2063329672556357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705317599457998,0.0,0.2057049244976759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525642346984085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890971648201028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233561617110274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053363928097402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989275194825133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200388322273309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094985256408904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471116035198048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357689832010205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433380154258927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362470535886891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IcyCreams,2019/03/22,"I don't get it I seriously don't get why everyone is like ""oh life is great, don't die"", well? What's so great about it? I seriously don't understand. I'm only 15, got a family, just a got a little sis like a week ago, got friends, but I still don't really want to live. 

Unlike some people with mental issues but doesn't want to die, I feel like I'm the opposite. I don't think I'm depressed, at least, not full on, but I am extremely suicidal. I've got my shit ready, just waiting for that day now. 

But seriously, what is the meaning of life? I've searched it on the internet, and no answer seems to satisfy me. There's so many people happily living in the world, struggling for money and shelter and other shit. I don't get it, if you are going to die one day, why try so hard? ",1.1274297188755042,2.7781200963855457,3.7958795180722937,87.55895983935746,79.96385542168673,7.559196787148592,21.91004016064257,8.447377352677275,1.2180575100401607,600,18,136,13,15,212,94,166,0.159,0.609,0.232,0.8929,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,0,0,10,14,2,1,8,0,13,4,2,0,0,22,32,11,4,3,8,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,6,0,1,1,10,7,1,1,4,2,11,7,13,28,3,14,0,1,0,0,3,7,2,3,9,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852921997574053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579179528438131,0.0,0.1054511231724438,0.0,0.3811975042115424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698971162960517,0.0,0.0,0.11541867310111695,0.0,0.0619056624160883,0.08746596032700768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459121651698174,0.0,0.1918981304540558,0.0,0.06958133679266056,0.0,0.391682525619138,0.26996501419851915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096756697554704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778795167727902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729557031792464,0.17944332945678734,0.12270975064577687,0.2162206713828641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412756249217245,0.0,0.1333651255226899,0.0,0.0,0.12338338625845027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296358031567529,0.09311560133039568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975886601222642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843353612490915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145815092327124,0.0,0.0,0.25135085734857665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777492912259332,0.0,0.0,0.12799326295567487,0.0,0.13392152511078725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844994398351163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312378084643955,0.0,0.0,0.1274567803556987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442798190571626,0.0,0.09820814373742187,0.0,0.11008171973427422,0.0,0.22095297497488334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,misterdleo,2019/03/22,"It's just so empty now. Reaching out. So here's a rundown of the last 3 months quick. .
>Gf leaves after 3 years and totally changes as a person.
>lost most family support (sister, brother)
>dog died
>got an infection putting me off a week at work. Gave me morphine. Huge trigger as a recovering addict.
>Gf starts arguing with me and asking about feelings.... Probably because she's ""curious"" again.
>spirratic sleeping fits (bed by 8 or up till 3am,random naps)

Needlessly enough if you've come this far I appreciate it. These are majors for me excluding a million little things and I'm trying so hard not to enter hermit mode again. I'm going to be social....

I won't commit but there's few days where I don't think I like too many people anymore.
I miss my best friend over 10 years later. He went, it hurt hard but I can't do it after seeing the shellshock on the community.

I've met enough people and I'm happy with who I've became in short strides but I'm here now. But that's where I crash.... I'm simply here.  Existential by heart I really don't see why I do this grind everyday. I had someone who made me happy and has now devastated me. I know it will change. Everything has and will continue to do such.. That's life? Therapy is limited here and you just don't talk to anyone around here or it becomes gossip.

I got one year until I move, the day I strive for. I grew up poor and wanted stability before I left. I have a career, no addictions and 2 cars. Life's good?
I just fret leaving is maybe a new beginning but if I don't find what I'm after it may be my ultimate crash.. I'm a fairly normal guy but I've just been empty even though I have everything I need... I don't know what to do or where to go. ",0.5719658119658106,3.0040148005698057,2.849150997151,88.52825641025646,89.02849002849003,5.969002849002849,19.765811965811967,7.3871296695380915,0.7973651282051278,1349,42,275,25,45,458,205,351,0.12,0.7879999999999999,0.092,-0.6718,0,1,0,0,0,0,68.0,0,1,0,3,28,11,1,0,13,0,25,7,2,2,2,45,53,28,1,5,16,2,3,1,1,4,5,0,1,2,17,14,0,1,5,1,1,9,9,4,0,2,7,5,32,7,30,40,7,52,0,2,2,0,17,18,0,7,26,173,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315088776201719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530436297823134,0.07424517068071203,0.0,0.0,0.09452480690056198,0.09926616729374953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647277773632957,0.11727006751309098,0.0903533624338661,0.0,0.11143182944407903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465370220968214,0.09146669582113072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695766798381195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020051927365476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942951173678069,0.0,0.07013244329405145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085970594102364,0.0,0.10009927323050533,0.0,0.05368898853372348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704874777133177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203622319452583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120691757342425,0.0890607206290332,0.16984745664687886,0.0,0.0,0.10513722428602024,0.0,0.2260661802708978,0.1902370654352161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582660057067785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367040592143213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167100895445938,0.08655279036483604,0.0,0.22486356242961966,0.11536743815286787,0.0,0.14999947343135786,0.05187533461750485,0.10642261367168612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591058239882855,0.0,0.0,0.10047231060302504,0.0,0.10765224083329332,0.10667444632946373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475374181127965,0.1128550380091999,0.0,0.07873286995451657,0.0,0.10255157902087368,0.0,0.0,0.1040361621331476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195191099558211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472269491208884,0.09271433574511476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448253654589327,0.0,0.0,0.10674259339093484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802313483645492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922717709939572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625903748479196,0.10823953789982983,0.0899679638497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751564165787743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049447684104744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534535391555689,0.0,0.0,0.1214287755213386,0.0,0.07054283774144307,0.06803736489713096,0.10432362354893007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209084827730422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626291033957956,0.0,0.08517307944461025,0.0,0.0,0.09843210582251027,0.09581305874885256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730201823487523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051338636793764
suicidewatch,M-T18,2019/03/22,"Why not I am a rational man. I don't believe the world is against me, or that it's a ""bad place"" or that people don't care, or that I will die alone. By doing good, working, putting the effort, being a respectful human beign, you will reach your goal.

I believe that my misery is my own doing. I've had a lot of chances, I took a lot of them. But, I end up at the place I am in right now nearly everytime. 

I haven't lived a long life, I am still studying, but I can say I've had my share of things, and all I see is a continuous cycle:  Good times, followed by bad ones, then some good, some bad, etc. 

For the last 7 years, I had the same look on taking my life and it hadn't changed. The only reason stopping me is my believe in the after live, I hope god forgives my waekness, as I think this is the end of my journey. 


I hope that everyone reading this finds a reason,  don't give up. You will get what you want if you work hard enough. 



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suicidewatch,lapis3001,2019/03/22,"I think I’m going to kill myself I’ve been struggling for almost 2 years now. Constantly hating every single day and wishing I could just sleep forever.

People always claim that “they’re there for you” but the second they see you’re stable enough, they leave and stop caring.

I feel completely alone and trapped. I want out.",3.0025526932084285,5.865594360655737,3.283981264637003,87.03918032786886,80.80327868852459,5.4529274004683845,18.550351288056206,6.868970318607317,0.3971105386416864,260,6,45,3,7,80,49,61,0.271,0.586,0.14300000000000002,-0.8375,0,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,2,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,11,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,2,8,1,4,9,2,7,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,5,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284773818408205,0.2363133278117437,0.0,0.0,0.18985412781323507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326325728522413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392298997338217,0.2465686454918084,0.0,0.18217365247699324,0.0,0.0,0.14714954122048673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23575862861595426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224145538718376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536864123976147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967318284165955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252687496283691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524341840327625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415970608716395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581830235382757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182042552854694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833286878491205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907587386935312,0.0,0.2385308267245381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620089810009065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457945024050846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262382041359629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693276822233825
suicidewatch,lostandtryingtodie,2019/03/22,"i look at the suicide bearavement page and wish i was being mourned. **there is nothing more that i want to do than just be in the ground or** thrown my ashes in my sea.

​

im not looking for attention. i thoroughly want to die but i keep getting saved because i even get to that point. i just wish no one was there or they were too late because i HATE not being the one who dies. 

​

does no one else get sick of the news being like this person died from hanging. why the fuck isnt it me? why am i being tortured. why cant i just be let go.",0.05882783882783825,2.2685465128205142,1.6880891330891323,97.84480769230773,88.14529914529915,4.368498168498169,20.322954822954824,5.773587663045528,-0.16854041514041507,430,14,98,3,14,139,76,117,0.28600000000000003,0.626,0.08800000000000001,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,3,0,5,0,15,2,0,0,0,17,28,4,5,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,3,3,2,14,2,10,18,2,8,0,1,2,1,3,5,1,2,2,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720537758320506,0.3050994396629479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530609327028577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390884600509926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098644136457798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487591516521777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292063794395699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606341897653864,0.19677469876484044,0.0,0.0713495569479182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394872345982084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560907977604375,0.0,0.0,0.1115892890256033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161911735238847,0.0,0.0,0.12837726131353133,0.0,0.06133446430782754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085070724237967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046286843538136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552156212221913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962019153248594,0.0,0.0,0.11867967368734995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732477590818665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809822568602565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398518395333258,0.0,0.2887388431725223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050994396629479,0.0
suicidewatch,foxesandpumpkins,2019/03/22,"Suicida: Do I Tell People? Hello - in a bit of a rough spot

Just struggling with passive suicidal thoughts, and am particularly low today.

I didn't want to act so I've taken a bus out of my house, arranged an appointment with my old psychologist and talked to an old understanding friend.

All this rly helped me feel better and I'm not really in that dark headspace at the moment.

The thing is, this all comes on a background of greyness. I've been really struggling with work lately and I feel burnt out. I come from a family where everyone wants to know each other's business - and when I left my home at 5am (work starts 0530) the other day without saying goodbye my mother freaked called me and yelled about my lack of accountability. I think she was afraid (maybe for good reason) that I snuck out of the house and attempted suicide.

Ironically, I feel even more depressed and low after that because after having ""lost their trust"" - I now need to report to them about my whereabouts constantly and find time to make them feel like I'm connecting with them although I'm drained af by work. I understand that they love me but it feels like a constant pressure to reassure them now.

Right now, I feel stuck like Im already in this low place and they are adding to it - but I can't tell then or risk them freaking out and saying how Im difficult and never willing to be helped or always being stubborn or being problematic.

On the other hand, while it's such a drain, they are expecting me to report all my feelings constant to them so they won't worry. it's really draining and stressful trying to make sure ""I'm OK and sound like I'm looking after myself ASAP so I can report to them"". I feel like there's no downtime and like place where I can really rest and just talk to someone calmly without judgement.

It drives me insane",4.461707876890976,6.064566411267606,5.060594679186232,82.19892540427753,70.80281690140845,7.738132498695879,27.232655190401672,8.285830014693849,1.834609806990089,1456,50,273,22,27,467,191,355,0.154,0.7140000000000001,0.132,-0.6685,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,12,6,17,30,1,6,14,1,17,2,1,4,5,66,48,29,2,5,10,1,10,6,1,2,0,4,1,0,16,27,0,1,15,0,1,4,8,15,0,0,7,16,41,15,44,36,8,45,0,5,2,1,27,20,0,3,27,181,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574818112240896,0.0,0.07219606855617605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289160605041352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673726970210411,0.0947257451013213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859754879636096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494820504943699,0.0,0.2812889091024932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595674156958479,0.0,0.0747312277207508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730797059880794,0.0,0.0,0.0829084083483867,0.0,0.0,0.08179504289054766,0.0,0.3509710293103485,0.1859564432041967,0.0,0.0,0.07930233887063706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703501612167405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277500853517514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631452895209846,0.0,0.08703313844965202,0.0,0.0,0.2002320907570594,0.0,0.0,0.18744383423555844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476841962582325,0.0,0.09787556408990787,0.0,0.09427125939422563,0.0,0.0,0.2543362254127068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286139151239343,0.0,0.0947150838642775,0.0,0.07830949200967317,0.0,0.11583364604074485,0.0,0.08716787476319884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643357166040144,0.06691910821993036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209215316021807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015245780184949,0.0,0.18130351810167755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233748765327568,0.08920965898702729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409749068285942,0.0,0.13799924040757816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351635256049997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141325625216708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938989260547312,0.18141283644785305,0.0,0.1898153322349777,0.0,0.08177570828535315,0.0,0.0,0.1394780732914359,0.15167420890590907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764332000088741,0.05559599985411977,0.0,0.06888232693068387,0.05059381631537077,0.0,0.08224380157807179,0.0,0.0,0.05890826013570945,0.0,0.0,0.18065244619043533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023533944479126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727820571299568,0.0,0.18949953460163396,0.08811484779576488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rovello-godefroy,2019/03/22,"Goodbye I just sat my exams, haven't gotten my results yet but I know they won't be good. I can't take the humiliation and disappointment. I'm just writing this to vent some of my thoughts, not that it matters. ",2.2373255813953503,4.28259127906977,3.9699418604651164,85.7470058139535,78.06976744186046,6.16046511627907,27.02906976744186,7.1686216300943375,1.2721674418604656,167,7,35,2,4,56,35,43,0.194,0.716,0.08900000000000001,-0.568,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,10,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,2,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,24,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653439032880986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704289450513086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067862442373393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351040743023393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,runespider,2019/03/22,"I just don't want it.  I'm in my thirties now. I've got nothing really behind me, no real friends. No real skills. No real accomplishments. I have made several bad decisions. Screwed up and lost relationships. Shot down so many opportunities.
 I've been working since I was six or seven. My body hurts, I'm mentally exhausted. There are lots of things I enjoy or find interesting. But too few people interested in them, and I can't apply myself to invest myself enough to talk about them knowledgeable with people who are also interested.
 At the same time, I want to talk about them, which usually means I deliver what amounts to a lecture to someone who doesn't really care.
  I got a new job, tried to be social and interact with people, after working effectively by myself for several years. And found I've lost the capability to really interact with people in a meaningful way. And developed anxiety over doing so. I don't really have much outside of work, either.
  And what friends I did sort of make, were only work related.
 I'm not worthless. I've saved people's lives. I don't say that to brag. I have. And I have the ability to do it again, possibly. Even when I haven't done that, I've made some lives better.
 But increasingly I can't talk to people like I want to. While I find things interesting, I have no one to share it with. I mean, doing it on the internet is something. But end of the day, it's not the same.
And I'm tired of it.
 I know it's going to be another few decades of work. Of picking a few moments, mostly from books or podcasts or some other entertainment, that sparks something for a bit. But not having anyone to share it with.
 Of dealing with more pain, physical, mental, psychosomatic. And not really having anything to counter it. To not really being able to talk with and enjoy another person's or people's company.
 I know, I'm depressed. I get that. And it shapes my thoughts towards the negative.
 But I don't know I want to be fixed. I just want it to be over. I dknt want to be trying to build my life again, with all the accumulated pains and have to relearn to talk to people. And have nothing in my thirty years to really share or bond over with someone else.

I won't. I have people who depend on me. Who need me, even want what they see as me.
 My family, who would be hurt. The people who I interact with online. The people I've helped.

But if it weren't for that, I really don't see a reason.
 I was in a car accident a bit ago, and all there was after was disappointment that it hadn't ended. No one could blame me, or see it as anything than cruel fate.
 Not a fault on their part.
 I do want to be here for the next release for a book by an author I like, or film I want to see, or video game or podcast or what have you. I don't want to miss being there for someone that needs me.
 I've got ideas I'd like to do. Make a dresser, a bed frame. A hope chest for a friend starting a family. 
But it's not enough.
 Good moments, taking my niece to the park. Going to see an old friend, praise at work or over a project I've completed. Whatever.
 It just marks as a moment it would be good to go out on.
 I'm just tired of it. ",1.4577922753273782,3.6631490015600647,3.6426570699191636,86.24490367796534,81.60530421216848,7.0049732898406845,21.41258923084196,8.101407402915765,1.1689602704108166,2454,75,511,50,66,839,255,641,0.131,0.754,0.116,-0.3893,1,0,2,0,0,0,94.0,0,1,5,14,20,40,2,0,31,0,53,9,2,8,2,107,101,42,0,17,32,0,0,3,4,3,6,1,2,1,39,25,0,0,15,6,1,5,26,15,0,4,19,6,57,25,89,68,21,48,1,8,5,1,35,20,1,20,25,356,96,12,0.05443292743189453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825150587346926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352999240121104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415534101343056,0.04164104049592513,0.0,0.0,0.038060768488983085,0.0,0.08958732258090503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544922074073416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814150086858255,0.11885331750205205,0.06046271135174155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549799728125949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057071888782558776,0.0,0.0,0.04346026330675075,0.0,0.0,0.03510473506983988,0.05611795804046045,0.046883000635740864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055703783471572274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04547172618865684,0.0,0.09642283431165737,0.11248752975166723,0.0,0.07190487039920232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262903915261598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950141907424996,0.0,0.0,0.0596828953575609,0.16821897882866838,0.0,0.02843895794693628,0.0,0.09280646120055176,0.0913115139542467,0.13060495382951928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036485243860733034,0.0,0.0,0.05406417898916887,0.0,0.0,0.1165431492488521,0.061448149471910164,0.0,0.0,0.05401628133766609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897447401176074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038447586418057976,0.07977953648956904,0.0,0.09613054435964627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883994074381195,0.046276928362691185,0.0,0.10301150413836622,0.07266880347879641,0.0551864448301506,0.0,0.11858683106563307,0.0,0.0,0.10971117618036703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040014464795345206,0.08072265194726143,0.0,0.05257166050676383,0.05789003585191774,0.0,0.0,0.10445972387014793,0.0,0.05711820073580452,0.0,0.07377032072617236,0.041398694153606926,0.11584094518854755,0.0,0.0,0.05894555595868663,0.0,0.4151063195019148,0.04752873265764335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136494698182589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858697649056741,0.2789690171811037,0.05596611519124935,0.0,0.0584405931074369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328724867157343,0.0,0.0,0.21687997854173935,0.0,0.0,0.12298742856248558,0.0,0.045027480066014584,0.0,0.0,0.05548751461662645,0.13836252831455456,0.08381025377859327,0.0,0.0,0.0385279062010349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092678716738208,0.2187556259355605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232563656912626,0.0,0.0,0.04321366416392815,0.03174027772354459,0.12512528535172018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391276931011745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059950179340169,0.0,0.3210595090785102,0.0432063241512188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776691678073625,0.0,0.0,0.07733517978126726,0.0,0.0,0.07010604122502354
suicidewatch,Loser_times_2,2019/03/22,"It's happening again  I feel so worthless, nobody gives a single fuck about me. I'm getting suicidal again. U don't know what to do, nothing is helping. ",1.16,3.7736293333333366,3.068333333333332,86.4225,89.0,5.666666666666668,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.865,120,6,22,2,4,40,27,30,0.405,0.595,0.0,-0.9278,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,10,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,10,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721857972754934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788743156308734,0.21411535172011006,0.3931391042876956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624047006731051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469539623818845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22522773901872736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932357605854512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482793196183072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dy1ngal0n3isfine,2019/03/22,I don’t need a funeral or a grave Just throw my body in a ditch or a river,-2.5500000000000007,-1.2757015263157854,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,90.57894736842104,5.905263157894738,14.76315789473684,7.1686216300943375,-0.5113368421052629,57,1,17,1,2,22,15,19,0.317,0.6829999999999999,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8317145946989626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552034158439053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,renegadeslaughter,2019/03/22,"Well this is it Im going to try and shoot myself, cant say im going to yet because i dont want to jinx it or anything but if it works ill be happy because I’ll finally be dead how ive wanted for so long",-1.5463999999999984,-0.17920283999999853,2.4699999999999998,95.165,87.4,4.800000000000002,18.0,5.6839178017228535,-0.4597999999999995,158,4,41,1,5,60,37,50,0.222,0.66,0.118,-0.706,0,0,0,1,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,7,10,6,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298201078868214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007260304376063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289086314293462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702064328272891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803676765263664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625765466481558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5328751044724938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182883249663282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961557176559372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674674731347025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909755659981008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217789813516531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957305221615485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alexHunterGod,2019/03/22,"Society, have mercy on me. I hope you're not lonely without me I don't fit into society. I thought I had a place but not anymore. I thought I could find happiness by helping others but not anymore. Being alone sucks and no one understands it. Staring at walls every day, having no one to talk to, missing the sensation of touch makes me sad. Everyone says that it'll get better but every day I only lose people. No, it's not getting better.  Why is it worth it if I cry every day? Is this worth it? It's not anyone's fault but mine. I'm not even that bad a person :(, I just have the wrong numbers in the lottery and I will never win. Why play a game you'll never win?",0.3983543165467651,2.620826474820145,2.8240242805755402,90.2891299460432,86.41007194244604,5.201618705035972,20.917715827338128,6.6274283507984215,0.4818665467625896,516,17,107,6,16,177,85,139,0.244,0.5489999999999999,0.207,-0.8813,0,3,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,5,2,15,1,0,6,0,12,0,0,1,2,25,22,7,0,3,13,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,11,3,0,0,4,2,2,0,13,8,0,2,3,3,15,7,9,14,0,12,0,4,1,0,6,7,1,2,5,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231774993581773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29170321521114273,0.10283313240278964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279535909497873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601388006298888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742156525759125,0.0,0.16154692665822598,0.28453943622656586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713680716019824,0.0,0.3717325577881462,0.14052945846007206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344171834692398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367357224020156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565562664510747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857635727362768,0.0,0.0,0.1460713773514735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453110114918088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816880985798283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268553027640112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931371487747446,0.11185158803172128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195820289318984,0.12841381433837715,0.15365441047108466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695411182474845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820742007454745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335106002846575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310262817946851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26541138947901,0.0,0.0,0.1417679830629461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607954070186609,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Korolor,2019/03/22,"Suicide is my only option I discovered recently that I am very toxic person. I am also the lazyest person I know, nothing gets me motivated, I procastinated all my life and the only things that really made me happy were getting drunk and high but i am sober now for the last 1 month. I had for pretty much all my life a very negative mimdset rhatt affects my relationships and myself. Never had a girlfirend. I had so much in life and everything came to me very easily, but right now I think that it was the worst thing that could ever happened to me.
I constantly have lied to myself for the last 21 years of my life. I seeked help but my mind is set on not wanting to live and I just want to die, but the worst thing is that my parents know all about this, but even that will probably not stop me. I am such a failure, a manipulator and I have lost all my friends and I also acted as a victim for as long as I can remember. I am an absolute loser, I think the world would be better without me in it, I am just not suited for life. I just wanted to express my feelings (again). I just can't cope with this pain anymore.",3.3102244582043348,4.506766890350876,4.908132094943242,83.76153250773993,73.07894736842105,7.820846233230134,25.69246646026832,8.313332769828598,1.56683302373581,873,28,180,14,17,295,121,228,0.202,0.698,0.1,-0.9835,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,4,14,9,1,0,13,0,22,7,0,4,6,46,36,18,2,5,13,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,13,9,1,1,7,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,8,1,38,3,21,24,8,22,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,1,13,145,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540456040092815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496285312995685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252303427156273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258316903973802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526982251726135,0.0,0.09255378382598267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030808367095952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656497366330188,0.1048575186082275,0.0,0.0,0.10418265550431413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861332929552333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956056531483167,0.0,0.12112826595084615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250888741119103,0.12340045723227107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776996528826832,0.12247729522318525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741471011863864,0.18898278181992406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093934701742801,0.0,0.0,0.10236069624035986,0.10258676737570943,0.0,0.0,0.12654187237502149,0.0,0.0,0.10968760610489356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170475413793578,0.0,0.09252733406761712,0.0,0.17043109465034031,0.0,0.08940570927383694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122968392252867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632685574529136,0.12334851406103825,0.0,0.12871696647687395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024361434200123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179337109459395,0.12498284650932415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426219995518331,0.0,0.11445837109442945,0.12445617236487742,0.13131631822044906,0.09899621925833643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969154585413383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679916738985236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23103902816400015,0.1485554703870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869418192695983,0.20512028785094485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174406702098716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234721751567375,0.0,0.0,0.07464956365586928
suicidewatch,GetIntoTheVan,2019/03/22,"Am I wasting time fighting? Has anyone actually found that one golden reason to keep going, or am I fighting to reach something that I can't? 

I always get the ""there's many reasons to keep trying"" talk, but no one has ever been able to actually give me a reason. Am I wasting my time with this hope that I can get away from these feelings on my own?",5.555281690140845,5.140748154929579,6.622640845070425,79.19621478873242,67.45070422535211,8.226760563380282,30.426056338028175,7.1686216300943375,1.7949126760563383,273,9,54,2,4,92,49,71,0.168,0.755,0.077,-0.6836,0,0,1,0,4,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,12,17,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,1,9,1,8,15,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,40,14,0,0.17940442546260754,0.0,0.35014567970401045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927885377376626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544374564411834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685563633546723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228157392812395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071226801373697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967076925077199,0.0,0.0,0.18746281531923786,0.17210107241211173,0.1019596693670071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818907465146114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31892579297317913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188792878106036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313816343297506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5533728874212824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811429162832128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419848146798958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092243264388372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180382847333435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,criminy1960,2019/03/22,"Not sure what to do about my future I'm going to try to not make this post too long because long posts are tedious, but, I really could use at the very least someone relating to my life situation right now.

​

I'm currently 16 and i'm a little over halfway through high school, and I really do not know how I am possibly going to graduate. I am failing about 3 out of 7 classes right now, surprisingly passing a few of them, and I failed 3 classes last semester while just barely passing the other ones. Suffice it to say, school is one of the main roots of my severe depression and apathy towards life. I simply cannot get through it. I have skipped so many days this year just because the sheer act of getting up and going to that damn building is just too miserable of a thought, not to mention the homework and all that nonsense. I just can't do it.

My current 'schedule' consists of 1. waking up as late as possible, 2. going to school and just trying to pass the time however I can until I get home so I can sleep, 3. eat too much food, 4. go to sleep and repeat the next day. I don't have any friends and my mom is about as unsupportive as can be (not to get started on my dad but he's not in the picture). She has this aspiration that i WILL and HAVE to go to college but at this point I know I will 100 percent either just kill myself or drop out if I do that. People say they give a shit about you, but that's only when it's convenient or when it makes them feel better about themselves. And the worst part is, I'm the same way. This is a facet of my life that has been a constant goddamn blemish on what little social skills I have. I don't know exactly what it is, but I honestly do not have the ability to empathize with others. I can't relate to anyone's emotions, and I don't feel them like anyone I've ever met. I don't have the mere capacity for regular human empathy, if that makes sense. That's another post in of itself but it's.. it's just shitty.

At this crosspoint, I don't know what I'm going to do. Everything takes too much fucking energy and no one gives a shit about me.

This is sort of related but I am also gay. Have known since I was about 10 and that is also another thing I 100 percent wish I could just delete from myself. I don't really feel 'lonely' as being around other people period is something I avoid at all costs, but, I just know that even if I ever wanted to be in a relationship, my dating pool is drastically smaller. Not to mention I am physically extremely ugly. 

I may get a job this summer, but I don't even know if I'll be able to do that. My only options I can even see at this point are to just a get a job and save up for a van or some shit so I can just live out of that when I evidently don't graduate high school because I'm a massive failure OR just jump into moving traffic because there is no goddamn way I am going to stay living with my mother when high school is or isn't over. Either way, my main goal is to just get away from where I am now because I really, really, really just CRAVE independence. That's about what it all boils down to, I am beyond unhappy with every aspect of my life and I feel like I have no control or angency over fuckall. I want my own money, I want my own place to live, I want a decent group of friends I can be happy hanging out with or something without school or my mom breathing down my neck waiting for my next move.

The last part at the end got a little bit venty, but I hope someone here can either relate or provide some decent advice. Either way, appreciated.",4.077341135232923,4.531075036635006,5.624447930800547,82.08552761759388,70.68249660786972,8.475452284034374,28.108576436001805,8.536127082880203,1.91090052012664,2790,94,578,43,48,951,295,737,0.153,0.795,0.052000000000000005,-0.9978,5,3,2,0,0,1,70.0,0,1,4,6,49,24,6,2,29,0,70,17,8,8,7,120,121,56,1,12,50,4,4,2,2,3,4,2,2,1,41,26,3,3,12,1,2,16,24,13,0,3,5,7,74,11,92,106,24,98,0,5,1,2,24,40,5,19,35,420,115,17,0.05600531079531869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472774152807657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957485361770975,0.0,0.0606817308479561,0.0680525827030558,0.03808553184475656,0.1174529031237931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832043099284691,0.0,0.0,0.04985660042324416,0.0,0.0,0.052618833074296885,0.0,0.0,0.17070158819162612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953214617515254,0.06114329414016451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052184471857248,0.06281471828518738,0.08943136695289236,0.0,0.0,0.07223758451843668,0.0,0.04823729212262217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057307414684778825,0.0,0.0629984365359843,0.049604082107714186,0.0,0.0,0.11097293874492638,0.10132001995783954,0.04718688983430398,0.0,0.050333962099545534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327187163766952,0.08002041044513179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772184412055683,0.0,0.08653912838656604,0.051776007372717016,0.20482324349616754,0.10745079474816954,0.2546328701429869,0.0,0.04479256322552392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059618694756139325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751805728056275,0.056177893121629366,0.05562591045595645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111532584062628,0.0,0.061961578517889714,0.0,0.18467432488617752,0.09130360645488486,0.06317642999675159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582328291541799,0.05472273183414772,0.16839610361991622,0.1483611464913759,0.0991258753390104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215193953272223,0.05678059476533503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118548624210585,0.0,0.11904956424177067,0.0823406949764211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912456679443932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385194407123105,0.08518912511159799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212965878272696,0.0,0.07765406155841395,0.0,0.05851362965833711,0.0,0.10588624243561184,0.12627514593828987,0.16091281933232576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152706171605475,0.0,0.0,0.06012874439170774,0.0,0.09565645882276574,0.0,0.0890753420660307,0.0,0.3400821870342328,0.044628981671836584,0.0,0.0,0.0632700599207817,0.17246594014035824,0.04632817183280039,0.06295231586447511,0.1120915143219679,0.05709036144073122,0.0949062361855412,0.08623124884432254,0.0,0.0,0.039640847238679264,0.05969420956409548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052784342628959605,0.0,0.04210902377115301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720743992311679,0.0,0.0,0.04446196091756086,0.03265714710752926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076047859489738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837060673513169,0.0,0.04621024675677272,0.1321335334185871,0.17781763550673482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440334346824765,0.053987121052510856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680525827030558,0.03606558394594333
suicidewatch,FatherFondle420,2019/03/22,I’m done for I think in gonna do it tonight. I’m gonna tape a plastic bag to my head and wait. I can’t take being so useless anymore.,-1.2290909090909068,-0.1382945151515127,1.9303030303030293,100.81545454545456,85.06060606060606,4.4,23.12121212121212,3.1291,-0.3373151515151513,103,4,29,0,3,37,27,33,0.131,0.8690000000000001,0.0,-0.5598,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,3,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,7,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921923251973821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078831718564595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093429311190844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731528665565803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31800647078549066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joxan13,2019/03/22,Happy birthday Only thing I can think about is blowing my brain out.,1.7469230769230784,4.523599461538463,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,92.84615384615385,2.6,21.884615384615387,3.1291,-0.0566615384615381,55,2,9,0,2,17,13,13,0.0,0.748,0.252,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5719312576721169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545386280231461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389651100639054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403702033331512,0.32828126094342364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justatosser2019,2019/03/22,"Might have done it Finnaly 12 mg kolonopin, 90 mg hydrocodone, 600mg trazadon, 8 shots ow whisky, pepto.

​

so fuckin done",3.7007246376811587,6.927137913043481,0.7391304347826093,103.4185507246377,82.91304347826087,3.066666666666667,29.40579710144928,3.1291,0.3829536231884063,104,5,20,0,3,26,20,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35262485474863203,0.3954572777606029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6660965284513921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452509370455884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954572777606029,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedinmiami,2019/03/22,I'll only find peace in the afterlife I don't know what to do anymore. Death has to be the answer.,-1.2783333333333324,0.7440454090909085,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,94.9090909090909,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.265684848484848,77,2,18,1,3,27,18,22,0.16,0.6970000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036206543365056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562982100217407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345000084808599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629083618938857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nomas5,2019/03/22,"This is probably it I’ve lost so much tonight,I’m lost in my thoughts. I was told today by my father that today would be our last meeting. That he no longer wants to be apart of my life, and to never attempt to contact him again. I’m a college student who hasn’t had a relationship with his dad in almost 16 years but even though he had never been a real important part of my life, the guilt and the isolation along with a lifetime of feeling worthless has taken its toll on me. I don’t know what to do. I got absolutely no friends, and no family who I trust enough to open up and reach out to. I fear that I can’t continue to hold on but we’ll see. ",2.808260869565217,3.699859101449277,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,73.92753623188406,7.548985507246377,26.118840579710145,7.908726449838941,1.2866353623188411,508,17,115,7,10,170,93,138,0.184,0.735,0.08199999999999999,-0.9156,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,3,4,7,0,2,6,0,14,2,0,0,2,21,25,8,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,10,2,15,2,20,11,3,16,0,3,1,0,15,8,0,1,8,81,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408306790275716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994953150508206,0.0,0.12142053857360745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733022135777428,0.20686421468173968,0.09295192919351587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420295933660828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702874085644954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103028829369542,0.14984914153188095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596946005920457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40135277427130495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351390480008255,0.0,0.2835680299277072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990741687256791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820400647376396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924319251348994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197368780453146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464917948070597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806158457099664,0.14594355980040438,0.0,0.0,0.34850603075301023,0.17566114257326507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084299805842448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059030810564395,0.0,0.0,0.11838298623649722
suicidewatch,meem_the_map_maker99,2019/03/22,"Two questions 1.what keeps you going?

2.do you wanna go on?

",0.5278787878787874,1.2529375454545428,1.9309090909090896,87.74969696969698,128.0909090909091,1.4666666666666668,12.757575757575758,3.1291,-1.1637515151515148,47,1,7,0,3,15,10,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487031336804506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290803979218583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407779006425076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715656321077221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaffeineMink,2019/03/22,"tylenol overdose HELP ME i just took 12000 mg and kind of want to continue taking them.

at 12000 what will happen to me. HELP",0.34660000000000224,2.7494411600000035,1.0075000000000005,98.97125,97.4,4.1000000000000005,18.25,5.985473137389443,-0.24639999999999995,99,3,21,1,4,30,21,25,0.0,0.727,0.273,0.7829,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668336193468103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5561048531258139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43198257527517225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119012312690513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608924242612482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467802904410102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilmrspinkiepie,2019/03/22,"Numb and empty I can not stop the thoughts
They scream at me all day and night
I hear,
 You are worthless
You are pathetic
You are a burden
You are nothing
I can not stop the thoughts
Go cut because you will feel better
End it all now and free those around you
They will hurt but move on
They will realize you were NOTHING
I try to cry
I try to scream
I try to look for the light in the dark
But there is only dark
They do not see
I do not let them see
I am worthless
I am pathetic
I am a burden
I AM NOTHING. ",-0.1521726190476187,1.7661047946428567,1.6410714285714292,99.92059523809526,85.875,4.8047619047619055,19.154761904761905,5.985473137389443,-0.3835738095238095,395,11,98,3,12,129,58,112,0.253,0.664,0.084,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,7,5,1,3,11,1,0,6,0,18,1,0,0,2,18,26,5,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,1,2,4,9,0,0,3,8,24,3,8,19,2,12,0,3,3,0,13,4,0,0,6,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741920827946673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779599345744888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639476356354345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424317585807693,0.11404290772312367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156621896931133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941227541670725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049849087070234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993040827991017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930380173938305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082412247550947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484955112779975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794590876494827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594615783383487,0.0,0.5090292218302986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344897617892534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818266348470858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29568126483804585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28077191893460385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36017479322481183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0192837465alskdjfhg,2019/03/22,"I'm gone. I love you so much and i am so sorry to you. I love you.

This isn't the first time I've written a note. I wrote my first when i was thirteen years old. The most recent one note was last summer. I cried when I wrote it. It didn't take. I erased it and got back up. I am not crying now. I've suffered too much. I can not feel anything anymore. I've left this open on my computer and you'll find me.

To my parents - I love you so much and this is so horrible but I love you and im so sorry. Ive been unhappy for so long this is not your fault you were perfect and such amazing people. I want you to be happy and not give up. I love you so much, my happiest memories in my life are of being a kid and being with you. Im sorry that ive been such a peice of shit son, these past years have been tough on me and i wish i could show you how much you mean to me

Laura - I worry about you sometimes. I am so sorry. You are so grown now and you are going to have an amazing life. Please take care of yourself.

To my friends - You were amazing to me. I didn't deserve the patience and kindness you gave. You were so unconditional, putting up with me. I am sure I didn't deserve it now. I hope nobody blames themselves. You were amazing. I hope you great life. I love you. 

I have a lot of writing tucked away in one of my drawers. Just for mom and dad. 

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suicidewatch,36student45,2019/03/22,"Is it common to feel this way? Here is the scoop. I don't have any ""problems"" like a relationship break-up or lack of money or something immediate like that. However, with the years (I'm in my early 20ties), I have come to realize how inadequate I am. I realize what work needs to be done to have a good career but my flesh just fails me. My brain can only focus on a single task for some hours and then it gets cloudy to get into dealing with upcoming tasks or many at once. After, I just can't bring myself to learn on my own after hours to be properly versed in my study subject. Then, my body is crap: I get tired after some time doing physical tasks especially if they are repetitive and that also drains me mentally (for whatever reason). It's like carrying weights on my limbs everywhere and having a suppressant embedded in my brain. I can't stand laziness in other people and yet here I am unable to do what needs to be done and that mortifies me. I am afraid I won't rise into the ranks of a company because of this. I won't be able to set up a successful start-up for the same reason. I haven't had a girlfriend and it looks like even if I did I may not be able to handle a relationship on top a day job. As I mentioned earlier I don't have problems *YET* but I see the writing on the wall. I have stayed alive long enough figuring my life will be good but I am getting more and more convinced that the problem is within and therefore I am leaning strongly towards committing suicide. Nonetheless, there is something I am curious about and that is whether other people also feel like this. Is there something I am missing or my assessment is right and should just go ahead?",3.683591274397248,5.211652262686566,4.968731343283583,82.3881601607348,72.6417910447761,8.377726750861079,27.809988518943747,8.950670267944501,2.2270091848450053,1328,50,261,27,26,441,173,335,0.086,0.7809999999999999,0.133,0.9183,2,0,3,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,7,14,17,1,1,16,0,45,8,5,4,1,53,60,26,1,9,14,0,3,5,1,5,2,0,0,0,16,15,1,1,8,0,1,4,8,7,0,0,4,5,37,10,40,45,9,43,0,2,2,0,7,18,1,9,22,199,53,6,0.22007549779057306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599429607203387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482944260398712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707799039310687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222713278787847,0.0,0.2456770388712655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478777726513063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096524484162127,0.11344408736970052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521364282056744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369840955322492,0.0,0.07267889535461054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111276784211747,0.07861098979737452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299607286287501,0.0,0.06253698851810972,0.18458888613546207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673003449057096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091954866753779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772291624758647,0.26879442944424176,0.0,0.0,0.09737994508630808,0.09240399535681172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156100627219816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089216973169863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318319304520285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718661132985532,0.0,0.0836886665257352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525726400785926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158737943105848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262742652511068,0.0,0.23627872367120764,0.0,0.09397163632052938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768583923416748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25413730517280675,0.0,0.0,0.07788528502926917,0.11728559933401173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203634374420994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416389628097749,0.12647220514835028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734284323746308,0.0,0.13399633381231066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010879173903276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086070255925282
suicidewatch,spooky_times,2019/03/22,"I'm not sure what I should do for a title Hey, I'm not saying I'm gonna do anything now, but, im hoping to get help while I can, I recently went through a breakup of almost a year and it stung, a lot, my life is a mess and everything I do seems to ultimately fail, I have been on this road before, one too many times, and I'm scared to be here again, I'm scared that my life has gotten so low as I'm posting here to say I'm gonna end it all soon, I'm not going to call anyone, and this will be my final post here if I do (no shit) but I will make an update (give it a week, a month tops) to update you guys if I'm not dead, I feel that what I can do now is wait, see what happens and being as close to death as I have been before, I dont think I'll hesitate this time although like I said, not today, or maybe even for a while, but who knows...",6.167653846153848,2.2230252205128243,7.350096153846158,85.78052884615389,68.58974358974359,10.570512820512821,29.503205128205128,7.1686216300943375,1.361474358974359,638,10,173,4,8,222,108,195,0.136,0.774,0.09,-0.8676,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,2,10,9,1,2,9,0,21,3,1,1,2,29,47,18,2,4,11,0,1,1,0,5,2,3,0,1,12,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,5,5,16,3,15,34,2,26,0,2,1,0,10,5,1,7,18,106,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136523227154794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569481518286176,0.0,0.12439206929908687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725260932233385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435159444672564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771587772792671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338831828228624,0.0,0.0,0.09983997025429443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358531548943728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764312031125937,0.0,0.0,0.16558874940057158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789750318642323,0.14500675938819385,0.08590789723725686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967248896953342,0.13367057781461225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131958076143543,0.0,0.0,0.15013631182794954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327909223519366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307376245008577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21353801838551992,0.07384930029355685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285111043393928,0.0,0.0,0.10090069194838143,0.15325284586963445,0.1518608656449067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206547307342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243014953035108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895396170881086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492525866419793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378808619638078,0.2404175180772223,0.302675714608652,0.0,0.1204552097021761,0.13761068437508145,0.0,0.0,0.15516390327438756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246681914266476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685743385595537,0.0,0.0,0.17628560436523036,0.0,0.1432823151362052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125169634490425,0.0,0.0,0.14012713739606075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734229450235317
suicidewatch,Cold_Tamale,2019/03/22,I’m done It’s my 19th birthday tomorrow and am just more surprised that I’m still here I’m not excited for anything anymore but I know that everyone will be wanting me to pretend like I am like they always do I mean the only difference from today and tomorrow will be I can legally drink till I can’t fuckin see . Idk i just find that when ever I look at people older than me anymore I just can’t understand why they are still here everyone seems so pathetic and I’m only worse it’s such fucking bullshit. I just want to pull the trigger and do it already and I just look at the pills that I have to take every day so that I can change my brain chemistry until I feel some false happiness and I wonder if I took all of them would I even die or would I just end up disabled which would only be even more pathetic of a scenario I’ve been to weak to do it so far and I can’t even find a proper way to do it I’m too much of a pussy to go jump off a bridge and I don’t even know where I could hang myself. I just don’t want to do this anymore I wish it would just end I don’t want to get any older one more step to the stupid fucking nothingness,1.4972209523809532,2.9048474840000047,3.3544571428571435,92.21646666666666,78.16,6.521904761904763,23.104761904761904,7.2636822038024595,0.6988761904761902,901,28,208,11,21,303,126,250,0.163,0.7440000000000001,0.093,-0.9746,0,0,1,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,3,0,24,10,4,0,8,0,29,7,1,1,2,43,55,17,1,11,12,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,13,8,1,0,9,2,0,6,8,5,0,1,3,4,31,5,22,42,6,27,0,0,3,3,3,6,3,5,16,147,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126391863088773,0.0,0.09143545162151548,0.0,0.0,0.07472747147228481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326937506360255,0.0,0.0,0.0904282954560196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267112566110233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624672064508225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877364657784053,0.0,0.0,0.07086853950644552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404618622301466,0.1148093614356398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245337051425906,0.0,0.1076482082102574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946559468158468,0.0,0.0,0.2903194192153155,0.0993998053097055,0.09258521000394698,0.2100050019941774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055562572888040236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087091483761596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203178998768594,0.057411839479060624,0.0,0.062451768486120524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697760529547713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078292093392627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737125580103354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845561502708123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970002772559499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807801760513651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446281646030023,0.2507238684157542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618236360026495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756634851033174,0.10003772503096604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755130763154618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262194907533693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104160784524021,0.0,0.12208938788597833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143970740671372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592586835682871,0.08722381991908612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991566465629222,0.0,0.12636554561875776,0.0,0.1191686304187006,0.0,0.0,0.11198505506703653,0.312244558043993,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,West_BiGod,2019/03/22,I'm ready to go but I cant get myself to do out of the guilt of how it will effect my parents And I'm genuinely scared. I dont want to die. But every day is a worse and worse nightmare. I've felt so alone for so long and I dont want to feel anything anymore,-1.63023419203747,0.08213436065573633,1.3495550351288053,100.90803278688526,90.63934426229507,4.141451990632318,16.911007025761126,5.288315135182226,-0.8787911007025766,200,5,53,1,7,70,41,61,0.303,0.61,0.087,-0.9315,1,1,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,12,14,8,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,8,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726529150275016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761750112900236,0.0,0.0,0.18057377302079775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151543499320124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277356887141391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143451510586499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488085628537312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095137174200301,0.0,0.21068905433764892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464412127330725,0.0,0.1247082167201178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419034372753244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24365317870058845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968963172900485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588532629319527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472397453346112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,three6seven,2019/03/22,"I am wasted space. My BPD and suicidal ideation have been spiraling so much recently. I lay awake at night and imagine all of the ways I could kill myself. I’m 22 (F) and have nothing to grasp onto. I’m caving in on myself. I’m so ashamed to be alive. Sometimes I’m too afraid to leave my bed because I’m scared someone is watching me.

Why did I have to be born into this sick family and develop all of their mentally ill, addict fueled, suicidal genes? Everyone around me is drowning. 

I am so empty. I can’t drink away the pain anymore. I wish I could be euthanized because this is so cruel to make me stay alive any longer. I’m sober in this moment but I would do anything to overdose or bleed out or just simply fall asleep with no dramatics and never wake up. I have nothing to prove to anyone by succeeding or living my life to the fullest. I am sick. This is cruel. I have no treatment options because the health system is full of vultures. I deserve to die.

",2.029696147585458,4.214706494845359,3.6591155724362463,87.01461475854586,79.41237113402062,6.352251763429193,25.67444384156267,7.475848149327749,1.4235402061855669,756,30,149,11,19,251,117,194,0.247,0.7070000000000001,0.045,-0.9914,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,3,3,4,0,23,11,2,1,4,26,31,13,5,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,0,4,9,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,1,22,1,25,23,4,21,0,0,1,0,1,12,0,4,5,100,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681493806173273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405919128112624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175522397602678,0.1069954956008702,0.0,0.1259228381302065,0.1362206924460557,0.0,0.0,0.14376780238193654,0.0,0.0,0.2798396402607149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927239703931642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443488450736929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881112625984012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990184022720798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621765089837346,0.0,0.0,0.14425411444797456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265364216709685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929451785931393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202662128827666,0.0,0.0,0.10808290864248153,0.0,0.0,0.13511991013947866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214237588485177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542086790991959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248767857172406,0.0,0.11801884753372728,0.0,0.0,0.14359937885569968,0.0,0.2936546047159215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628246069822465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108928900478175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532002210083406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965377804436046,0.0,0.15134119301915144,0.0,0.0,0.16309949921996558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347591943541733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214605550329238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807720572096416,0.0,0.1759660299460705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870137698972362,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miserablenb,2019/03/22,"After years of abuse, oppression, marginalization and denial, I am finally going through with it tonight. Right now. Nobody is going to read this, but maybe some stalker of mine will find it and put it together. I wish hell and pain on all you who lead me to this. Some of you who stalk me will know me as u/lightgreen_gangrene

u/bookofnightmares

I hope you know that you were all a catalyst in this. I have lost all faith in humanity, anarchism, and community due to you. You made me antisocial. You made me hateful. You made me unable to trust and full of hate. You tossed me away and left me alone at the worst time. Well now I'm alone at the end if my brief life. See you in hell.",2.35808547008547,4.564573355555557,3.1444444444444457,91.01461538461538,78.4074074074074,7.116809116809117,21.49572649572649,8.139509932561175,0.9259743589743588,533,15,116,10,13,168,83,135,0.247,0.647,0.105,-0.981,0,2,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,10,0,2,3,11,4,0,3,0,6,2,0,4,3,23,20,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,5,1,24,4,19,13,7,24,3,1,1,0,13,10,2,4,9,79,33,2,0.0,0.19716019749619326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34468638982170896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634097951954365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738355702297248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228621679790494,0.15208921389508914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914117821568244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285767788387696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527560227478236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290133752458573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079721151170927,0.0,0.11753527233862765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816483959246647,0.0,0.0,0.4723632737799607,0.0,0.0,0.1671740548695117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706439219166598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728085102346954,0.0,0.0,0.16644790684289915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210714677581174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260154780861086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703085509129147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961616958144852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135509500832812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071579963221838
suicidewatch,fuckoffimtrying,2019/03/22,"Presentation/Tour and Vivid Suicidal Thoughts I have to give a tour tomorrow at an institution. I've already done a practice round essentially with one of my course instructors, but tomorrow's is graded. I felt prepared last time, but since I've been relapsing, everything is becoming increasingly more difficult. Also, my suicidal thoughts are occuring daily. When I try to go through my tour plan in my head, I keep having these vivid daydreams that I'm going to kill myself by jumping from a height tomorrow. I don't want to give a bad tour tomorrow, but I can't even prepare mentally or really make any revisions because I can't think straight. Everything leads back to me killing myself, and I certainly don't want to traumatize anyone from my suicide.

I feel like I'm breaking mentally, and I can hardly get anything done in a day now. My mornings start so slow. It takes me forever to get out of bed. I just want to kill myself the moment I wake up. I still have to finish a paper before my tour, too. So I'm feeling so overwhelmed because I can't fully concentrate on one task. Which makes it difficult for me to sleep. I'm trying to get rid of these thoughts, but I literally can't stop wanting to kill myself. Everything in my life is perfect and should be so easy, but I'm not happy and everything is so hard with my mental health right now. I don't understand what wrong with me.

I've made future plans to look forward to, but even those don't seem that great. Or I guess they don't seem like they'll bring me any long-term happiness. My mind's a mess, and I just want to die. I'm fucking exhausted",4.562761419922952,5.918630787974683,5.563830489818383,79.64358007705012,70.23417721518987,9.546285085305447,31.144193725921852,9.867487886160001,3.0934800770500823,1283,55,246,32,23,423,168,316,0.233,0.655,0.113,-0.9936,0,0,0,0,0,6,35.0,0,0,2,4,16,19,5,1,9,0,24,7,3,4,2,47,62,21,8,6,11,0,6,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,9,10,0,2,10,0,0,7,10,12,0,2,8,9,39,7,33,51,2,36,0,1,4,1,4,11,1,5,21,147,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966939539653964,0.07007193258049771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191730362678728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126790877748365,0.0,0.07210610985291406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737653521896496,0.07316138955935772,0.10682810807771287,0.09677251372509743,0.07456056086318821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056509466080256386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093864692055492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793371211243337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574808431811613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31499894055546523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860945490947829,0.06259775572400644,0.08413164239043366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100587947131364,0.13733791121878675,0.16811157464902687,0.09959612876169056,0.0,0.0,0.096604461607956,0.09652640814177922,0.0,0.0,0.1865522293709233,0.15698566067420924,0.0,0.08992628619495048,0.09313895369758078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788318297710023,0.3877666445108989,0.0,0.0,0.07142428815086649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189058473839903,0.0856161616979731,0.0,0.0,0.07754343293020667,0.07358109526641668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291082509812753,0.11697781729752828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649095617723072,0.0,0.08847406353448377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875097272523827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613341826421432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482940426701168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953703769693853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248249708786303,0.0,0.08768609400062619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201987863686252,0.0,0.0699756923295137,0.07325659587047224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875354097889977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588145122325798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614516106245162,0.0,0.20868817990651425,0.0510935674013261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898027778641054,0.0,0.0,0.0912184394048295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584110291947945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580179168781618,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bjoelcole,2019/03/22,Cocktails darling? So like how painful and lethal would 100mg Prazosin + 15mg Clonidine + 800mg Propranolol be?,2.7042857142857137,5.731788952380956,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,88.04761904761904,4.704761904761905,35.57142857142857,6.42735559955562,2.4311142857142864,92,6,16,1,3,27,18,21,0.13699999999999998,0.562,0.301,0.5844,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567333989008899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7769724404403873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187052235178738,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rachelxx3,2019/03/22,"I lost everything that mattered to me  Long story short, I pushed my best friend and only true love away like 5 years ago and now I can’t move on.. I’ve tried everything. I moved cities, I made new friends, I had lots of sex
But I can never get her back after hurting her
I regret everything but I feel too sick and guilty with how I abused her to ever want to insert myself back in her life
I am so numb these days ",3.191174242424239,3.763607284090913,4.075454545454543,91.96651515151515,72.75,7.2303030303030305,21.484848484848484,7.1686216300943375,0.3343121212121209,323,6,75,3,6,104,66,88,0.229,0.621,0.15,-0.8939,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,3,16,10,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,1,18,6,9,7,2,18,0,3,0,2,7,4,0,1,12,48,20,0,0.0,0.2091319386586512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646281038806625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583414174834116,0.2714459839193428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852332124607799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383241636766644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966069152377946,0.0,0.0,0.4758993454179639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892472453291487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27273774892294017,0.0,0.09221762521886973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889543997939497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246721177859661,0.0862324070834763,0.0,0.0,0.15620314535184607,0.0,0.0,0.1926782468083744,0.15005994396819594,0.15930446358997505,0.16701519618948066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751980262213721,0.0,0.0,0.1361330838103082,0.17047156561756788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342415312519992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983667038446252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410840487334366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366472441308853
suicidewatch,inthornell,2019/03/22,"Tell me to walk in front of a car please I’m a college junior and feel like I’ve been on a negative streak for years at this point. I’m trying not to drink ( excessively and in non social settings) or cut but I can only last so long. I haven’t performed well academically since freshman fall and even then it was sub par by my standards and I was rejected from many things I applied to. I wish I had the courage to walk in front of a car ( almost did tonight since I’m drunk except there were no cars when I was walking home) and let myself get hit l, could never kill my self cuz of that little bit of hope deep down but if someone else could kill me I’d be forever greatful so I can stop feeling bad for myself and working for things that never turn out right 😶",4.232500000000002,4.39943225,5.03125,87.48875,70.25,7.65,27.25,7.1686216300943375,1.1458250000000003,600,18,133,5,10,195,111,160,0.126,0.706,0.168,0.8174,0,1,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,3,0,5,0,14,2,0,1,2,25,24,15,2,5,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,1,2,2,0,9,6,5,1,0,7,2,14,5,21,12,1,30,0,1,0,0,3,11,0,4,10,83,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539171561297194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956995323165355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941785292663514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477993766367965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201865412463111,0.0,0.0,0.12963411340397932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249582438277748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692871605710118,0.1108615942154228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107585545111312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710879966591741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565955626778116,0.1541301045202739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433703644550725,0.0,0.0,0.126493519752021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158683453921649,0.0,0.07581377372609767,0.15553248979954626,0.0,0.13733061986250425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732954182985925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937086210848085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802241662037638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703425326155611,0.14669654375169272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325240330948454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188800172905274,0.0,0.0,0.25673524831477584,0.0,0.0,0.15818785353504053,0.1314846623003624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297385650821496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356353480761726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619119965047572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535795671135212,0.1687927576593292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952667869981325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784509049622787,0.0,0.0,0.11297387789864816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993170768097907
suicidewatch,BlackCheeseBoi,2019/03/22,"Hanging from the Christmas lights (M/23) Ok, so I've recently been going through a break up. My ex ended a 7 year long relationship with me due to my mental health and depression. We've been together since high school and I guess she didn't see herself coddling a sad excuse for a man all through her life.
I genuinely had plans to start a family and get married only to hear her say she ""Doesn't want to get married or have my kids."" Needless to say this ontop of my preexisting conditions is extremely unbearable. We lived together and now shes forcing us to separate when I have no other place to go. She was my bestfriend and partner since I was 16 and as I sit in this apartment alone, hungry because I can barely feed myself. Dirty clothes piling up. I realized I really can't sustain myself without her. I spent time in a psych ward, got proscribed antidepressants and even go to weekly therapy sessions. But nothing seems to be helping. I feel so alone and pathetic. Like I failed. Like I had a beautiful future with the love of my life and I  let my mental illness get in the way.
She left before Valentine's Day and it's been a daily struggle ever since. I've researched suicide methods and nothing seems to be a good idea. I can't OD because I don't do drugs. I don't have anything high enough to jump from. I don't own a gun. All I have are these old Christmas lights i fashioned into a noose and tied to my staircase. It's been there for weeks and I've lied to my therapist about it.
I've tested it out to see if it'll hold but never actually took the plunge. My ex even saw it and didn't seem to react. The thing is, I'm so afraid to live, so afraid to be alone, so afraid to do this anymore but I'm more afraid to die. I feel like I've exhausted every treatment I could and I'm not looking forward to years of constant emotional agony. I'm afraid that I've become such a basket case, that I'll never find a new relationship with someone willing to put up with this baggage.
I've been by her side for 7 straight years, since we were practically kids. And now I can't function without her.
I need help.",2.7242203742203763,4.5637216689976725,4.032591192591196,86.80215082215084,75.8997668997669,6.875600075600076,26.97920997920998,7.730073105063049,1.5575323001323,1672,66,339,24,37,549,219,429,0.107,0.835,0.058,-0.9608,0,3,2,1,0,1,42.0,3,0,0,2,14,16,0,6,18,1,37,8,0,1,5,51,65,28,3,4,8,2,2,3,1,2,6,3,0,4,15,24,1,1,8,0,1,8,15,10,0,0,16,11,50,6,48,42,5,48,0,3,4,1,29,16,0,6,26,209,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.08662991958037754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758270491144299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803924373312184,0.0,0.0,0.07305284883941135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823074004575584,0.0980431177245613,0.07553952630686941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593238282399807,0.0,0.07087824380512936,0.0,0.0,0.05725142421325587,0.0,0.07646029951364586,0.0,0.0921326534006524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029488259023704,0.0,0.0,0.09985799605392373,0.07862678040495978,0.09172653306885244,0.0,0.11726783381312934,0.08030051783391717,0.07479532061370131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368755162851688,0.0,0.08977287955832149,0.06341965189802054,0.0,0.0,0.08113717340278473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391411308785376,0.0,0.15135570940368007,0.07445881888225082,0.07100010488775554,0.0,0.0977937808235226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943618497712552,0.1000539430252674,0.0,0.11900572214199845,0.1875876972840675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021423222641998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645243292061732,0.09077669756517474,0.12540639179397697,0.13011042749687035,0.0,0.15677687252263958,0.07856156289522097,0.07454720052018765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012135483970492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892518134494775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582426531716237,0.13693485879293812,0.08573779096409899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703607206432818,0.0,0.09315262838809868,0.0,0.0,0.06751608283462818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274918745301666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924166986502455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568704389636321,0.0,0.0876529083589069,0.19061856929623647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119215722839246,0.0,0.08984330288756842,0.14148162782202806,0.2424475912568784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293736711857781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521731553683272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628341873988124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280511128663912,0.0,0.09710356431718732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151998703555733,0.10307262503913853,0.05897702535676345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176441585392928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863038502664727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678333040484303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236078299803363,0.07046410086148394,0.14241714756443105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711485559786869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150125323980125
suicidewatch,idiotthrowaway1001,2019/03/22,"Not sure what to do My wife doesn't love me anymore. We have been married for more than a third of my life, and honestly don't want to go on.

​

I don't want to live without her, but I feel like if I tell her how I am feeling I'll just be one of those shitty people who threaten suicide to keep the other person to stay. I don't want to do that to her, I want her to be happy. So I guess I'll let her slip away.

​

I now realize everything I cared about doesnt amount for shit if you don't have someone to care for you and to care for. My good job, my hobbies ... my rank in this stupid fucking video game doesn't mean anything without her.

​

I feel like I am trapped between ending the pain and causing my parents and siblings pain. I know it would even cause her pain... do I live an empty life... until I know she is happy and will be ok? Do I wait till my parents are gone? I can't think of a single reason that I want to live that doesn't involve other people.",2.262612559241706,3.3014205781990564,3.534167654028437,93.21272067535546,75.44549763033173,5.843720379146919,24.56190758293839,5.602791699666715,0.3682438388625591,766,24,175,3,16,250,114,211,0.188,0.635,0.177,0.2287,3,1,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,2,0,1,6,18,3,0,5,1,26,8,1,4,1,35,48,12,1,8,7,3,3,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,10,6,0,2,9,2,0,2,12,6,0,2,2,3,36,12,28,40,3,10,0,0,0,2,20,3,2,3,6,123,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946877630599485,0.33048271838955184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990961042390552,0.0,0.0,0.07460483417393195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517734523394678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772994279685859,0.1862640362241428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029718220348944,0.0,0.0,0.0598795764611226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147868389045743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752011521455626,0.12953396584495022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381301137169357,0.0,0.0,0.05152373831973693,0.07604067361847071,0.0,0.0,0.09987137965856692,0.0,0.0,0.19301690474475916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996531196140417,0.08058210272051919,0.0,0.0,0.09964790049262023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270522062177808,0.12807061206753867,0.08858305570935875,0.0,0.24016132353518446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182350841302402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875449574769804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061433050862342964,0.0,0.28940348669997584,0.0,0.20133272610763,0.0,0.0,0.125703411188154,0.07916015606378679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932128033948473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306041244263373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681528430149773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663069284203182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916649971456296,0.0,0.08544526574174514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924017631807907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809078369748751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673658587478716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478455448008962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440172668607477,0.0,0.33048271838955184,0.0
suicidewatch,Anogorge,2019/03/22,"Contemplation of everything Been thinking this for a year now, how hard life is and how cruel it can be. Sometimes I just break down crying and have to find a room to myself. Don’t know why it started or when exactly I just know it’s getting worst and I want it to stop. I thought why not go vent to the strangers of the internet as no one here will know me but... I don’t really know what to say. What to vent about? How I’ve started drinking and how it feels so good to not care that I just want to keep drinking? How I’ve attempted to cut myself just because I’m sick of all the shit that goes on? I don’t really have anyone to talk to in person. I have a really good persona that hides everything. I’ve never been questioned for being like this as I am a happy laughing person around everyone I know. But every smile hurts to hold. Every joke fills me with nothing and the laughs I produce are empty... but no one else knows. I don’t let them. It hurts and I hate it",1.7727805145046531,3.5020342610837467,3.340353037766832,91.20086343732895,78.3103448275862,6.481554460864806,22.115216201423106,7.3871296695380915,0.679363656267105,757,22,167,10,18,250,110,203,0.168,0.733,0.098,-0.9374,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,2,15,15,4,0,8,0,17,5,1,6,3,43,36,19,0,2,10,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,1,2,14,8,2,3,11,3,0,2,9,7,0,2,3,3,18,8,25,29,2,15,0,2,0,0,6,5,1,2,8,114,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717942136387123,0.0,0.0,0.11099197287270114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600400302086671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711995794920353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695554399735305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442786141416065,0.0,0.0,0.10415445969492057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009719683953576,0.11913744711325072,0.22410937402477646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304214686380248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395560946553206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514035308359624,0.0,0.0708587337872119,0.2091519763373798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327245840050136,0.11168913166032736,0.12309606358614472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669458531395426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082165135715227,0.0,0.0,0.41112646036922174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749413693468312,0.08806544034269666,0.0609125363110809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616119613485492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963418822540672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168973305848947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773219909896693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967056117434384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396203340915476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915084328142536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798261939923605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233120848857516,0.0,0.17649883080736872,0.0,0.0,0.10423838134037627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021336744513623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798901537766329,0.0,0.09898229558644864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470794381513074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250093021335744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029007756212743
suicidewatch,LeanCuts,2019/03/22,"How in the hell do you not want to die everyday? I’m not actively suicidal, and I don’t have any plans. 

It’s just been so long since I’ve had any desire to be alive. Life is just so pointless. We struggle all of our lives for some vague notion of joy and then we end up dying anyways. I’m not sad about it; I feel more bored than anything. I just don’t see why anyone would want to be alive. 

Thoughts? What keeps you going? How do you find not just the will to live, but the joy in living. ",0.6216037735849085,2.3202434245283072,2.1251320754717007,98.70618867924532,81.73584905660377,5.372075471698114,18.147169811320754,6.2581,-0.4451328301886788,377,8,93,3,10,122,71,106,0.099,0.726,0.175,0.8899,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,3,3,0,1,10,6,1,1,3,0,12,1,0,2,1,25,21,8,3,4,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,2,9,2,12,14,3,8,1,1,1,0,6,3,1,1,4,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26900795261462523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829936047080205,0.0,0.16276430969617608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105495670456065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518322474156398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000856231403538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077646839802025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240860989017076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580483179673825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970491990466324,0.0,0.0,0.5239565568873394,0.17503791784222494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761301477623013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361392436267086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677304328065316,0.0,0.21635014740997446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702315940365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333233223679136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784747025056016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050433465025294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WH-Jaden,2019/03/22,how can suicide be a permanent solution to a temporary probelm when my parents might NEVER accept me? as being a trans girl that is... fuck my life,5.082857142857144,6.445201571428572,6.727142857142859,71.76785714285714,69.0,9.885714285714286,35.42857142857143,10.125756701596842,4.099371428571429,116,6,19,3,2,40,25,28,0.304,0.627,0.069,-0.8353,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,4,6,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940855360483494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010915309130739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452211750967568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287705329810113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733293434615654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466277044082569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freddykruegerbody,2019/03/22,"""I just drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive?"" I've thought about this for so long. I've looked for different outlets, ways to cope with the excruciating pain, new friends. Yet... I always arrive back at the same spot, full circle. It's a never ending cycle that I've had to face for 35 years of my pitiful life. These days never get better, I've put in so much work, but I never see any outcome besides piss and shit. My friends hate me, they have always absolutely despised me and I knew it. Knew it right from the very beginning. Why am I stupid? Why? I'm at a loss for words. I've always been a giant fucking failure. People think I'm evil. I've been screamed at by so many people in this fucking world, and they are truly convinced that I am the problem. I am not the problem, but I am. What do I do about this? Nothing. I have tried, trust me, but nothing every fucking works. I am nothing but a pathetic, ungenuine person. That's why nobody has ever loved me. But I've tried. No. I'm always honest with everybody, I really try. But I have to hide my flaws or else people will put me down for it. They always have.

Recently, I have been very attracted to NoFap. I was captivated by it. The changes that people saw, claimed to have seen anyways, are remarkable. I took a chance. I went with it. My life for 14 days consisted of NoFap. What else was I going to do. I quit work, I'm living off fucking nothing. I'm only here because of my cousin. If it weren't for him, I would've already been gone. Why is he keeping me here? I'm not fucking worth a damn. I can't keep any promises, no, I can't. I am utterly worthless. I failed NoFap just about instantly. 2 weeks of long hard work, and I just wasted it. I'm so fucking insanely lousy, I decided to taste my own semen. How low do you have to be do to such a thing? This low. This fucking low...

I'm lying in bed, just like Brian Wilson did. Listening to my favorite songs before I say goodbye. Stan is playing right now. Eminem is a big inspiration to me. I wanted to rap like him, but I was told I was to fucking fat to be anything like him. I'm obese, so what. Only makes it harder for the coroner to move my slab of meat once I fucking end it. I'll face it, this world will never be what I expected. I don't belong... who would've guessed it? Everybody, everybody knows I'm a loser. It's too evident. Never been able to carry myself differently. I never had a shot. This is my only time in my entire life. I have several shots. And I'm about to put one in my brain. If you fucking read this, don't be like me. Try not to, it's awful. I never do anything right. Heres praying I get the gold chariot, and float to the ceiling. I wish I was given a better life. Goodbye. I'm leaving now. ",-0.07707327679930387,2.198235176366844,2.381682491362856,91.82121113285496,90.53439153439156,4.941064482616994,20.289169143050426,6.538438946891981,0.3513702447391949,2103,71,448,26,73,718,246,567,0.17,0.6970000000000001,0.134,-0.9698,2,0,1,0,0,0,108.0,0,2,3,10,25,45,17,0,21,1,51,25,6,2,8,53,101,22,0,7,17,1,1,4,2,2,7,4,1,1,33,9,4,2,7,5,1,9,17,29,0,1,25,10,68,16,54,70,4,55,1,8,4,11,18,21,13,4,28,281,101,6,0.05857905752736337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464344664198797,0.0,0.2437123426661211,0.0,0.0,0.07967153576016607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641114617168846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045043679369114006,0.0,0.03570924975752617,0.0,0.04984646340433106,0.0,0.0,0.10361683201267276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539360145802026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061968875558111626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555729196126493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240529439851175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978705717272548,0.0,0.10376731556760613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298811124783541,0.04935538246083797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051606906801186,0.5415539475369002,0.06121027959321959,0.0,0.033291828347711085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453143612773223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052475329445014464,0.057834691648532575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413551575086268,0.0,0.0,0.03219351804233607,0.0,0.0,0.06202676377328897,0.0,0.0,0.16550448288048686,0.11447507426152755,0.0,0.051726381014746775,0.10368124507255667,0.04919165481034987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286988649754863,0.0,0.039101975773351484,0.059389969986105164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226026758259814,0.0430623474753579,0.0,0.316258463146141,0.056576018789139565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248327423336934,0.0,0.0,0.06238478445302345,0.039694685418466116,0.1336560387689656,0.062332247339759624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244537079308474,0.0511489735333138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121044935583247,0.0,0.17666439737776646,0.0,0.062306038319068266,0.058594909852265564,0.0,0.03752724425452402,0.0,0.05783975227811445,0.0,0.0,0.15007858517350744,0.0,0.04658441773696697,0.0,0.0,0.04667992459316349,0.0,0.0,0.06617766114011099,0.060130560748162275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038917322888677885,0.037535094744861316,0.0,0.04650522833250459,0.034157919524507474,0.0,0.0,0.055974799817756,0.06508348831595427,0.1590853393230191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666771471054536,0.03455144586068519,0.046497329234531384,0.0469885865141708,0.0,0.0,0.054303373206329705,0.21143395211561447,0.0,0.06736302519182465,0.0,0.0,0.17058500621251385,0.0,0.0,0.08322576350434162,0.0,0.0,0.03772299245777885
suicidewatch,UntilKingdomCome,2019/03/22,"I just jerked off to porn like a freak and I cannot life with this self-hatred anymore. Goodbye guys. Everything in life is too hard for me, apparently. I've always had a hard time committing to things. As a kid, at my parents request, I joined a little league baseball team. I quit after the first practice, because I'm a little fucking wimp. In high school, I started trying to play guitar. I quit, because the bar chords hurt my fingers. I quit.

Flash-forward to after my graduation, I try to play guitar again. I quit, because bar chords still hurt my fucking fingers. They're the most basic fucking thing in guitar, and I couldn't have the balls to push all the way down, and do it. But none of that shit even matters. The biggest, and by far baddest obstacle in my life, has been masturbation.

Since age 8 (early bloomer) I've been jacking off 2-5 times a day. Before I started, I was a vibrant, happy go-lucky kid. Ever since then? Misery. I can't talk to women, men, or even cashiers. I didn't make a single friend in all my years at school, because I would just tune them out, and dream about going home to jerk off.

 I'd never had the urge to quit, until about a month ago, when I discovered the subreddit r/NoFap. It was a godsend. I began reading all these posts, about people who had turned their lives around, just by abstaining from porn and masturbation.

I quickly realized that this is what I HAD to do. And I was determined, oh boy was I excited! I jumped right in, and said farewell to masturbation. The first few days were fine, invigorating even. But, as time went on, the hornier I got, and the more sinful I became as a result.

Soon, I began peeking at pictures of hot women. Then, more hot women. Then, black women, to help me cool my jets. I managed to hold it down for two weeks, but today, it all came crashing down. I'm drunk, and stoned as fuck right now, and I've got a buck knife right here.

There's no way in hell I'm starting this over again. I just proved to myself that I've dug myself into a hole I'm never gonna be able to climb my way out of. This is it, this is my last fucking resort. A 27 year old, dried up virgin with no friends, no car, no house, no job. I have nothing. I waste the oxygen I breathe, and that's a fucking fact.

I don't want anyone to even try and talk me down, I just want to leave this here so people know where I went, if they happen to stumble across one of my stupid retarded posts. I'm not sure how I'm gonna go about this, but I'm not gonna puss out. 

Nobody's gonna give a fuck about me, so don't even use that as an excuse, either. I have nobody, no one, zilch, and I never will. I refuse to live like this. I CAN'T go like this any longer. I'm gonna have to end this post and just do it, before I fail at this too.

~ Kingdom Come Come, signing out.",1.5135427841634763,3.382445041379313,2.921647509578545,93.246251596424,79.6206896551724,5.399744572158365,20.913154533844192,6.238725200709706,0.07343805874840338,2164,59,479,16,54,704,278,580,0.13699999999999998,0.782,0.081,-0.9877,3,0,0,0,0,0,107.0,0,0,3,10,35,31,12,0,29,1,33,21,4,4,12,69,77,34,0,5,15,1,6,3,2,7,4,1,1,9,27,26,3,3,3,12,1,12,19,18,0,5,20,9,57,13,72,48,11,95,2,3,1,10,25,37,9,3,43,297,84,8,0.06701519602246557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940492780836549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576201156611379,0.0,0.0,0.04557263134426809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646106693393716,0.046858583239826834,0.0,0.0,0.05965773250662373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340736593093558,0.0,0.11404999182540645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664753119777447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545531488473833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643851481129725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593555725118984,0.0,0.0,0.22131452468736035,0.06061908149469904,0.0,0.0,0.060228937020207526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400618300396095,0.0,0.0,0.10355154841715113,0.4336812819800115,0.0,0.06428708251557631,0.1523451210614623,0.0,0.10719634842765943,0.0,0.0,0.06635558017635061,0.059261316521582716,0.07133892230842112,0.12006490502031085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491887327415385,0.07080523398731306,0.06722170569562841,0.0,0.0,0.07732653857747457,0.1434823067666022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650224143791474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682979913516271,0.0546263291573735,0.0,0.07095941635736354,0.0,0.0,0.14200444447640265,0.09822071912482168,0.13433366387640747,0.1183512917262881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447331637265212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349089010286792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505875158493904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430288799338732,0.0,0.07032117505621456,0.0,0.09082246238345536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441244446919269,0.0,0.0,0.09291979784375567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192546099235017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35639455016711225,0.06703333128625394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169183371512645,0.06374679774283773,0.0,0.0,0.1356459122905949,0.0,0.0,0.06991146492260837,0.0,0.06879013568281701,0.11087132533142192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230110201006635,0.0,0.05351842211059876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316102915890598,0.0,0.0,0.10772855214469958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890438368980609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723129916789075,0.0,0.06352256994810125,0.0,0.0,0.136496757318764,0.07289328937446993,0.06546410882511372,0.0,0.0,0.05787961259472909,0.0,0.0,0.07905459783581616,0.15958062990605576,0.053755547954912136,0.0,0.0,0.12424751621868875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760567249445344,0.0,0.0,0.08631117811791895
suicidewatch,hugh_calyptus_,2019/03/22,"I'm really trying. I'm trying day in day out but nothing is working for me. I was diagnosed with bpd about half a year ago.  Ever since then it's been nice knowing what's wrong with me but I fucking hate myself.. Every time I see my doctor I just act as if everything is 100% and I never know why I do it. Everything I do that's wrong around me is my fault. My wife hates me, I have no friends. And it's all literally because I push people away and dont know why. I'm tired of being in my brain and I just want it to be accepted for me as a whole but I'm tired of trying to just be normal. I'm so tired. ",-1.1105882352941163,0.7790076470588225,2.041176470588237,95.56779411764708,90.1764705882353,5.1647058823529415,16.588235294117645,6.6274283507984215,-0.2921088235294125,464,11,114,6,16,165,77,136,0.239,0.68,0.08,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,3,0,2,0,12,7,1,0,3,24,25,12,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,2,1,20,3,16,20,2,15,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,1,8,75,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925780697385015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976532268036225,0.0,0.0,0.12640074671575893,0.0,0.0,0.08201173212078433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944304193372367,0.15018636800282148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352883161016686,0.0,0.0,0.13655093370922114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770302013367552,0.0,0.0,0.15767487326002685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169526984609633,0.11335215476611893,0.0,0.24182407791377195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039419710500587,0.12437611424470993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656523601573536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218119559196764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376224862341456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318164504838447,0.12909066111341333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327013535852907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618703344179356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072075581858472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128934587685567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844886590642516,0.4638870909175565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740227879644909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935265908842218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427951407532705,0.15020433768259994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794361354773673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941874013485974,0.0,0.08663659901142799
suicidewatch,OrangeJuicestice,2019/03/22,"My best friend told me they don't care about me anymore Someone that I considered extremely close to me informed me a while back that they no longer care about me. I still think about them every single night, wishing that they would just come up to me, and tell me that it was all a joke or that they want to help. But no, they have refused to help me in the slightest. It hurts so much. I see this person every single day because they are dating one of my roommates. Every single day, she comes in and cuddles with her boyfriend on our couch, saying how much she loves him and kisses him, acting cute and putting on a ""cute voice"". It makes me want to cry. Like, I'm happy that they are so happy, but it hurts that every single day, I have to see this person that I used to trust with my life act so cold towards me and act so warm towards someone else right there, right in front of me daily. And I am not exaggerating. They are in our suite daily. They said that I was a toxic friend. They said that caring for me has caused them more pain than joy and that they don't have the time nor the energy to care about me anymore. They said that they felt that I self harmed for attention. They have told me to leave them alone for good. I am so beyond hurt. I can't transfer colleges because of the money and I hate my life. I feel like I am tortured every single day. I feel so hollow. It hurts. Everything just hurts. I wan't to kill myself so fucking badly but I can't because I don't want to hurt my father. I want to attempt suicide to show everyone that I am not doing this for attention, I am constantly in pain, wishing I was dead. I can't go to the hospital because money is so tight. I can't go to counseling because I don't have any time and the counseling services here already are well overbooked. I am in so much pain. I don't know what to do anymore. I just wan't to end it all.",2.501365979381444,4.066071546391759,3.4933891752577324,91.61266108247423,75.8041237113402,6.087113402061857,22.69201030927835,6.6274283507984215,0.4412432989690722,1472,41,318,12,32,472,160,388,0.197,0.6459999999999999,0.157,-0.9838,0,1,0,0,0,3,41.0,2,0,17,2,23,36,4,0,10,0,32,9,0,4,2,46,64,25,3,7,9,1,5,2,2,1,5,5,1,3,24,14,0,2,8,2,2,9,14,15,1,1,9,13,71,21,43,54,12,37,0,6,2,4,42,15,1,1,15,230,95,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386291755154054,0.07870009743577461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849801451575298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218194081522476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483838098620983,0.0595467270778755,0.21737094641936436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484280540501276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908497917997485,0.07326221769430133,0.0,0.12286658400086288,0.0,0.07706835539663284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833839017113403,0.1839742943245995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595762132988354,0.0,0.06316570565186243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30043829733893784,0.06814646230116146,0.06409513288378038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212004938387805,0.05094888845380281,0.0684755166380762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019869492120828,0.06593142948259685,0.0,0.0,0.08106220416403745,0.0598173270287551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183657329399036,0.0,0.07041078569209656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560458125072388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580780256303293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890170857081782,0.0,0.03919396533362659,0.0,0.0,0.07551441957633677,0.0,0.0,0.10074663098402548,0.06968378054039273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643663887821354,0.0,0.04760466007230557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727863154759045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692618570696103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048326253818381404,0.0,0.2276589906877075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454253013783485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169329612050654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180867914414376,0.2035164328504652,0.05671415132290944,0.0,0.0,0.11366085209294467,0.0,0.07439919839214344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085334764192207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695385883629625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800923718121923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233421292947875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045697062380378864,0.0,0.0,0.0831710477837051,0.0,0.0,0.13629292460232292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061595001407316975,0.0,0.0,0.16825848849566805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412255966293348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640220910721571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066155996626631,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamiersmith,2019/03/22,"countdowns has anyone else picked a date, downloaded an app, and set a widget with the number of days remaining as a shortcut? it’s likely not even a real date, but isn’t the idea of a deadline so refreshing?",7.7748780487804865,6.418729048780492,8.234268292682929,72.53969512195124,63.39024390243903,11.126829268292685,35.134146341463406,10.125756701596842,3.4738195121951225,165,6,30,3,2,55,34,41,0.0,0.956,0.044,0.1306,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,20,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879301657167473,0.4219231558746719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655677377882489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34399414874442885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719805993391375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648559806551417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011777137298736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687023264433434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,melancholien,2019/03/23,"is anyone willing to talk to me Im so alone and I dont want to live this life anymore but im terrified of death, everything hurts so much. ",-2.285698924731186,-0.8530595161290293,0.8895161290322591,97.88760752688174,111.90322580645164,4.6473118279569885,18.06989247311828,6.42735559955562,0.16822150537634384,109,4,26,2,6,38,25,31,0.449,0.551,0.0,-0.9579,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834345802682497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714023099773585,0.19135304803632866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207335379708735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459526063734952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29296422171527803,0.0,0.5912106838117694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329780093287108,0.0,0.0,0.2416513565396653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011753863127594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996169525573794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614148061172312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,footwear4,2019/03/23,"I feel like I've lost trust to people. It's really hard to open up now.. I opened up to quite a few of my friends and started to see my university psychologist about my suicidal thoughts and motivation problems less than a year ago. A few months rolled by, it seems like 2 of my close friends just think that I was just making up stories so I can get away with some of my responsibilities. Other one of my close friend simply made fun of my struggle. One other friend just simply ignored me all of a sudden.

It's been 4 months since the last time I see my psychologist.. I notice I'm getting worse since and my suicidal thoughts is getting to me again. But it's just really hard to open up again..",4.07357142857143,5.1852335000000025,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,71.14285714285714,8.171428571428573,26.857142857142854,8.548686976883017,1.6678714285714284,550,18,116,9,10,180,79,140,0.16,0.67,0.17,0.3641,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,9,12,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,3,1,26,19,5,2,1,5,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,5,17,8,21,13,5,21,0,1,2,0,4,10,0,2,13,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681000831544972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440528673832752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723331243651465,0.10219882865523154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420970852188275,0.0,0.22422167526899733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562991348652936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660926980730266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397793153810169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616190211191447,0.0,0.0,0.13536250796636526,0.095490611190301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283709607602712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628695566214732,0.0,0.0,0.19387612501153015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917662365694556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368847276300439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521570601552288,0.0,0.0,0.18328994478045849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22799331448392876,0.1302322918064282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366738620165893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125537052754413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495525973867567,0.0,0.3129588458612851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166414400766354,0.0,0.2271400659013163,0.0834167723720822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457857059917629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212300745619503
suicidewatch,nayeleix,2019/03/23,Isolation I feel so isolated all the time and never know what to do with my life.,0.551764705882352,2.8542491764705886,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,86.64705882352942,8.105882352941178,20.264705882352946,8.841846274778883,1.6556117647058817,64,2,14,2,2,22,17,17,0.274,0.726,0.0,-0.6478,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.358300750997601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38944031052623257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5005209210259344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5465332401572965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132033898581958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heykatiefay,2019/03/23,"I want to die I’m not sure what to do.. I want to ask others for help but I’ve tried and they’ve just ignored me (family). I’m drinking and planning on taking pills, but I’m debating heavily bc my little brother is here.... I’m so far gone, I feel lost......",-1.7814285714285738,0.13193085714285854,1.6792857142857152,95.4907142857143,97.57142857142857,4.942857142857143,17.714285714285715,6.6274283507984215,0.035578571428572126,192,6,46,3,8,69,40,56,0.132,0.7879999999999999,0.08,-0.5763,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,13,5,1,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,5,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955316687371337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280850288121534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30967949619267343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980119618162013,0.0,0.15984092875497993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211890108103042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168375839140621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450848237068561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29794151813867104,0.0,0.2376846209472629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462628479470625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729142353869324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,staticpop,2019/03/23,"I don’t want my daughter to remember me 22 y/o, honors college, privileged family, the general recipe for a good life. Wife said she’s at her breaking point, wants to keep relationship open or will leave me. I have the most beautiful happy daughter just over 1 y/o and I don’t think I face leaving her with a divorced family. I love my baby more than anything, and I know it’s selfish. I’m just so tired, don’t want to be alone, don’t want my baby to remember her sad dad. I want to kill myself while she still won’t remember me",1.1824815724815745,3.1973782882882915,3.5472563472563468,87.6035380835381,81.43243243243244,7.27960687960688,23.604422604422606,8.296473431620573,1.5119297297297298,414,15,89,9,11,143,71,111,0.149,0.628,0.223,0.7802,0,1,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,4,0,8,4,1,0,0,20,19,5,1,5,3,4,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,19,5,10,15,2,7,0,1,0,1,13,4,0,2,2,52,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620997125504162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879642336613112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950920464091861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127523036345598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661042984405305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911547063462978,0.17315785380589155,0.0,0.08601515787483725,0.0,0.0,0.3314482046608625,0.0,0.0,0.11054938299409736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125861075297946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479548691809645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803581477358648,0.5318943393313263,0.0,0.14887919566823024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499105711006467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028686818509454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798880551588566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615755361999378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CommonImagination8,2019/03/23,"Loneliness is safe, but it's miserable. And I'm miserable.  
Every day I wake up and I want to die.  
I don't have friends where I live.   
I don't go anywhere.   
I'm home. I'm always home.   
This wasn't my choice.  
I'm so alone.   
I don't see a reason to keep living. I don't.   
I want to have a moment, just one moment where I feel happy; where I feel some relief from this pain, but that day has yet to come.  
I'm so tired. ",-2.53987841945289,-0.8164221914893606,0.7115501519756862,101.92000000000002,100.70212765957449,3.9623100303951366,12.033434650455927,5.773587663045528,-1.2974778115501522,310,5,82,3,14,109,52,94,0.309,0.557,0.135,-0.9687,0,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,2,0,9,3,1,1,0,14,22,6,1,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,3,11,4,6,21,1,11,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,5,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613084993949944,0.0,0.0,0.17363952506938407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976042721802518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691642973055429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216578200911724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758229615366348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110310300177296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612266234875229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859836887513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214508122450136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186486363571588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548549183049626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36853875083640586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140782219806736,0.0,0.22205157330523284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21455909065264472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629194582352042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398484096222872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617122727875346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifelover-smile,2019/03/23,"Just having the thoughts I just can't take it anymore. I'm alone. I go out with ""friends"" and I'm alone. I know that I'm pretty much silent all the time, but when I talk, I can see that they don't care.

I'm depressed, it's been 15 years already. I want help but I can't pay for it, and nobody wants to help.

I know they see me almost crying, and they won't even hug me, not even my family. Nobody wants to deal with depressed people.

Just go to advise/help/venting subreddits, and whenever somebody talks about dealing with someone depressed, almost everybody will tell the person to leave and save themselves. 

I'm a burden and I just can't wait another day to see if it gets better. It doesn't. And whenever it seems that things are changing, it ends up getting 100 times worse than before.",2.5649732142857147,4.431480693750004,3.395892857142858,91.07125000000003,76.4375,6.071428571428572,23.30357142857143,6.868970318607317,0.6652321428571429,621,19,129,6,14,197,93,160,0.133,0.687,0.18,0.845,0,2,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,3,1,8,9,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,1,31,33,11,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,11,11,0,1,4,0,1,2,7,4,0,0,2,3,15,5,13,29,2,10,0,3,3,1,12,2,0,4,6,74,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551712326507564,0.26392268093975274,0.14060330537969784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360353679768575,0.0,0.0,0.12635936164647682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841899496715264,0.0,0.0,0.11268635747905603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990594493677282,0.0,0.13478595568068416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995708969959886,0.08217078100839036,0.2627142140002909,0.3292216366759147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285001277845627,0.0,0.0,0.16831003986370474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011354429158486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843889181392283,0.0,0.13313596475890924,0.0,0.14482337656734046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25620654683935384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004559730926466,0.0,0.0,0.13491186595959526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366314308667574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833206327794567,0.11125203124443794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962472682270168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30459475942039554,0.11599192043952662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795653816390163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579864536842077,0.20481932818855245,0.11136449206151287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464747037672504,0.0,0.0,0.101151611813046,0.14859097525038062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254542917814299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984463204986854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204973131695638
suicidewatch,DifferentPermission,2019/03/23,"If you can't be the best, why even live? I'll never be at the top. I'll never have a PhD or work a well-respected job. No wealth. Probably never find love either. Just working a shit job and living in a hut. I will always be looked down on. So what's the point of living?",-1.4304999999999986,0.539711283333336,1.495000000000001,97.7025,94.5,4.333333333333334,12.5,5.985473137389443,-1.0524999999999989,207,3,50,2,8,72,46,60,0.208,0.711,0.081,-0.8358,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,4,3,4,1,0,7,0,6,2,1,0,3,9,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,5,4,2,9,0,0,1,1,2,6,1,2,3,33,3,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796209767782746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992253803046231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538753744469042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735103316466134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37677383805838416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028966256480731,0.0,0.15941779757810018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133802260032965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4392489613582485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179460172972303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046796413141488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486804415433756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068896957860671,0.0,0.17130108302644953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764115793124716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emonemomemeo,2019/03/23,I'm angry at myself for still being here. I need. NEED. To get this done.,-3.239374999999999,-2.9856361874999973,-0.017499999999998298,102.3125,129.625,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-2.863075,55,0,13,0,4,19,14,16,0.202,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5019073596724721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562433178756641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7273346724336308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916792547819479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GayTrees420,2019/03/23,My brain feels broken I get in episodes were everything feels bad and I do not feel in control of myself. Any minor thing can set it off (like what to eat for dinner) I don't feel human and being alive is scary. I feel super suicidal during these times. I think I am safe but it gets worse and worse. In these episodes I wanna scream and punch. This post is a mess my head is not in a good place,0.141325301204823,2.3828280120481966,1.4373614457831358,99.54062048192772,88.1566265060241,4.283855421686749,14.324096385542171,5.6839178017228535,-1.0368785542168673,307,5,71,2,10,97,58,83,0.289,0.645,0.066,-0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,9,4,2,1,0,16,17,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,4,2,2,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,6,10,4,9,15,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013506376002793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172060330285245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300429236710981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311256827879856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108616532784348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520295362727734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209773956572662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532675005503327,0.0,0.0,0.17284222912684927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114878708184624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100675678443453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529990066636406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735865655281068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254077725740804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690413953589647,0.1320417096299956,0.0,0.0,0.12016141485928294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200070609323292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,willtheyeverlisten,2019/03/23,"there really is no easy way out since probably fifth grade ive considered and weighed the different methods of taking myself out (context, im eighteen now). pills seems like the easiest but would cause suffering towards the end, hanging scares the living shit out of me due to past trauma, guns are a big no- i was the one to find our family’s under his pillow when he considered, bleeding out is too much pain. generally speaking i am a giant baby. but that doesn’t mean i want to die any less, and its so terrible that i wish it were easier to do ",6.540833333333333,6.238191416666666,7.381851851851858,74.19833333333334,65.3888888888889,11.274074074074075,32.814814814814824,10.864195022040775,3.5441370370370366,435,16,82,11,6,146,86,108,0.27,0.62,0.111,-0.9783,1,0,1,1,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,7,0,10,5,1,1,0,16,15,6,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,4,6,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,1,9,1,12,12,2,15,0,1,0,0,4,8,1,1,6,55,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796649833840894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352160023398196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258207656675261,0.22733191493574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927173385076384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051214882893895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988704107135369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503110268257196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630192906345604,0.0,0.1921331476152401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370158337303798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995134787765136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744245979382106,0.0,0.2315277165032173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20771123926528104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459539236975846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939168792597448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784236421781625,0.0,0.0,0.19808286809306197,0.0,0.0,0.22334974297003565,0.17999006521588984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635982089278386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833834336831776,0.17271028914599149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502141036949817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545674333973992,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EndMyAlt,2019/03/23,"Would hanging myself be a good present? Currently 3Am, I don't have a present for my mom. I'm just a burden.",-0.3949275362318865,1.8142240000000032,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,91.6086956521739,4.8057971014492775,25.057971014492754,6.42735559955562,0.8025188405797108,84,4,19,1,3,28,19,23,0.139,0.721,0.139,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222033182127168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7291759781122079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422737697306196,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jigglypuffle38,2019/03/23,Failed suicide I tried to commit suicide last night but wasn’t able to because I was rudely interrupted. I have a big bruise around my neck and I want to do it again tonight. I’m so done. ,1.318846153846156,3.477883897435902,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,81.8205128205128,4.925641025641027,22.570512820512814,5.985473137389443,0.14725128205128213,148,5,33,1,4,47,31,39,0.345,0.584,0.071,-0.9136,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,5,7,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,4,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,20,6,1,0.31081713614275425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766931482266083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894712412922665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31807384367876873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533574501668911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916808269397361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6799669985552276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110244328682726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332799989131127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wowzersers,2019/03/23,"I feel like I’m not meant to exist. I feel like I am a fuck-up. I was born into such a smart, talented family, but I can never live up to their abilities. My dad works at google, my mom is a scientist, and my brother never has to try to be good at something because he is automatically good at everything. Then there is me. I’m not smart enough. I can barely do math, I can’t write well. Whenever I write, it ends up looking like a clueless 5th header wrote something. I can’t learn history, and I suck at science. I’m not good enough to succeed in school. Yeah the most I got in the semester I tried to succeed was an A-, but to me an A- is the hard worker isn’t good enough.  Of course, my brother didn’t even have to try to get A’s. I fail at everything. I am a failure. I refused to “get help” from my school academically (I’ll get treated like a 5 year old, and the guidance counselor is absolute shit.) because I can’t bare to look different from my family. To look like I’m less smart than them. (I’m pretty sure they already know, but are trying not to say it.) Now that I’ve matured and realized I need help, I can’t get help. School is hopeless and I’ll never succeed. If I can barely handle school in eighth grade, how will I handle life? I am meant to not be alive. I’m not good enough to be alive. I’m not good at anything no matter how hard I try and how much time I put into it. I lost all of my interests. Friends lost interest in me. If I ever tell my parents about what is going on with me, they just laugh it off, saying that it’s all in my head and I should just snap out of it. My brother endlessly makes fun of me for my mind, and I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why should a failure be alive? Let’s let natural selection do its thing and let me just kill myself. A failure shouldn’t be alive. A failure has no reason to be alive. I am meant to not exist. I just want to end it all, and say fuck it to everything. I cant do this anymore. I am a failure who shouldn’t live. Not even my dog likes me.",0.8868409090909104,2.5031840022727287,3.155000000000001,92.03500000000004,80.56818181818181,6.3090909090909095,22.363636363636363,7.268377926160553,0.6341090909090911,1571,50,367,21,40,539,181,440,0.158,0.612,0.23,0.987,2,0,2,0,0,2,62.0,0,0,4,8,16,35,4,0,19,1,48,4,2,5,8,67,79,19,1,9,18,6,4,6,1,5,1,3,0,0,16,14,0,1,9,0,0,2,25,8,1,0,10,10,56,27,48,54,10,32,0,4,3,1,24,18,3,3,18,242,72,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105110422786528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852044864772985,0.0,0.0,0.060441005724576315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954578613437371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673696863103405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301053075974599,0.3035634611593182,0.0,0.09702271612143096,0.06643743721419171,0.0,0.0,0.19802953738786652,0.0,0.13847946705470934,0.0,0.0742744905024012,0.10494176761936072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674532941412533,0.13580199610926974,0.153493076524926,0.0,0.041741887066923083,0.36962549467716893,0.05874264746881745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158900452182434,0.0,0.07537828888267548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476908631390991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125873808922385,0.0,0.04036480605315073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531502813487275,0.05187811676571503,0.21529632911243432,0.0,0.12971091477147084,0.0,0.18503211763704736,0.0,0.1603531689948287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902675334552537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416100232660314,0.08602078354554009,0.0,0.0,0.05399233789082582,0.054460364791472496,0.16994163914931956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707075952699792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155471817580798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472247694208464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383498884540092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551622687689498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522511686161593,0.0,0.2973310237950809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539276755261523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308689404877573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692233667297565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641963219071255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879523227140098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282780760315519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493300382404936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664243585857533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603809189485757,0.0,0.06627491331465124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347062941590205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047297759514828716
suicidewatch,Hotcrossbuns42,2019/03/23,"How do you keep going? I’ve been depressed for most of my life at this point and was diagnosed with GAD recently. I’ve had recurrent suicidal thoughts and the medicine that I’m taking has helped a lot but they still hit he when things go south. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and something terrible happened yesterday involving my girlfriend and she can’t be here for me the way she normally is bc she needs me to be there for her and I feel partially responsible for what happened. The suicidal feelings have come back and I feel like doing nothing and I’m constantly snapping at everyone and have a short temper. What do y’all do to keep moving foreword, though the crap? What do y’all do to keep it together long enough to fight away these terrible feelings? Any help would be greatly appreciated and thank you for reading this so much. ",4.603893345917887,6.513204858895707,5.009202453987733,81.48146767343087,70.96319018404907,8.941764983482775,30.943369513921667,9.466822959209583,2.9400810759792364,684,30,128,16,13,217,106,163,0.181,0.722,0.097,-0.9509,1,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,4,1,0,8,10,3,1,7,0,19,3,1,1,0,27,38,14,2,3,1,0,4,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,9,11,0,3,5,1,0,4,1,7,0,0,5,4,15,3,16,28,5,20,0,1,0,0,15,7,1,3,9,89,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493588296908448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116307260913276,0.10734728362600997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202569605785438,0.0,0.15086292586633634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202411965353525,0.14169568217206166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424882141967016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339813257053593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823530256401935,0.09973352022656644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586809687896273,0.0,0.0,0.1539145120191378,0.0,0.0,0.2469036895142753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714797765543395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722608222091793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574800160077561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986068240538206,0.06820373267113095,0.0,0.0,0.12354563589595713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373735965214143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837754589389127,0.1026254092202052,0.10351500678314182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678282063293473,0.1339543333146196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197142632639014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964233151132474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137842653611337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747440500413648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114883759904048,0.0,0.1599165432563056,0.0,0.0,0.3054094434788965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496524950670888,0.0,0.0,0.12852911551268428,0.0,0.0,0.09274706144366396,0.0,0.13716076405633346,0.11083042073434242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081159574663282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917106867182107,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DaFlamingo,2019/03/23,"I had a bad shroom trip and opened up to my parents and i really regret it. why cant we chose to cease to exist Yesterday i took some shrooms my friend had grown but under estimated the power of them at first i was having a good time until my friend fell into a trance which in turn freaked me out. i ended up going down stairs and hugging my dad telling him that im scared. He is Bangladeshi so i was hesitant to tell him what was going on as he wouldn't understand what i was going through. But i ended up opening up to my mom and my dad about everything i hid from them how i drink, smoke,do psychedelics and had sex before marriage. How i went crazy after i loved someone and you walk in on them fucking someone else after they said they love you so much. she would just use me to make there ex jealous or for my house and my friends. When i would do great for a few months ignoring her blocking her calls but she would manage to get to me again and have me start all fucking over in this mental fucking battle of mine where im fighting to live within 2 damn cultures. A bangladeshi culture and just american culture. Im not doing good in school i failed a whole semester of school my parents money down the drain but i cant do it i hate it i tell them they do not listen.My friends around me are getting addicted to drugs and its scary. I told my parents everything yet they still dont understand what im going through and think im fucking addicted to fucking pills. i love life its fucking beautiful and precious but i really wanna leave i wasn't meant too be here. There really wasn't any purpose for me to be here. Nature is chaos and everything is fighting to live and fuck why do we lie to our self's that theres more to it then there is. im just tired man i have too many expectations to live up too and i fucking cant. some of my friends love going to the shooting range and i think that would a good opportunity to take the leap of faith. i know the damage that it will cause but life its self is crazy unforgiving and unethical why cant i do the same. as fucked as it sounds. ",2.298307748538015,4.1224292523148165,3.4024805068226134,90.9168859649123,77.0787037037037,6.491812865497076,24.09990253411306,7.3759095455046575,0.9078370370370368,1655,55,358,21,38,533,203,432,0.168,0.664,0.168,0.7691,4,0,3,1,4,0,21.0,3,2,8,4,23,39,15,1,13,0,37,23,0,5,1,61,73,34,0,8,12,7,0,0,5,6,7,3,0,3,18,24,1,2,6,1,1,11,10,22,0,1,14,3,63,17,57,51,8,50,1,3,0,15,52,24,10,3,15,245,81,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405122081591134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181058899889783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473295837578086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133578677275336,0.0,0.0,0.05231755543713503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278107826038427,0.0,0.0,0.06316003868919734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205768816805118,0.06022999174562111,0.07130082977294804,0.0,0.05136120711785398,0.0,0.10891148366403897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577102905705668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052297459245912864,0.0,0.0,0.23750829737931764,0.5115608824316186,0.06424472223765733,0.0,0.17471119877219018,0.1547072205151558,0.0,0.0677852904690812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060701792662161275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094319612020487,0.0,0.0,0.3984735306938576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03378948173783538,0.0,0.0,0.06510168286107867,0.0,0.0,0.08685460679485127,0.0,0.0,0.16287200464052864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196344766559328,0.0,0.041040419831391256,0.062334172475872564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196046329497884,0.0,0.0,0.07200821653544001,0.04907519173912079,0.0,0.045197123274736815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480898559060529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181628673892064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848446933615309,0.0,0.061555268652965414,0.12444827785604555,0.0,0.0,0.12828048062920058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418879407436438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043518026168582885,0.0,0.049100450966547284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04622760929838213,0.0,0.1612167126873413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879172426831675,0.0,0.0,0.03585126659528151,0.07066573270131789,0.0,0.05874969842481415,0.0683099416781535,0.0,0.06687591374284371,0.0,0.1280120671089878,0.0,0.053101623106474885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056995412394668224,0.16643669513783524,0.06864364056517908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470320654917146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxxxxah123,2019/03/23,"My friends aren't responding to me I'm alone. I don't know how close I am to doing this. I don't want to. But I want this to be over at the same time. I'm confused and scared. I feel like one moment is all I need to finally end it and stop the suffering.

I get better for a day. Then I always end up here. It's a trap. My friends intentionally avoid me now because I stress them out. The anxiety from this is unbearable for me. I can't function. They won't respond and I keep texting, making it worse. I know I am making it worse but I feel almost like I need to show them how desperate I am for someone to save me. To just want me. No one does.

I'm so alone. I think I'm pleading for help.

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suicidewatch,Serasaw,2019/03/23,"Is there even a cure? I'll try to make this as short as i can. I, [25M] have a physically sattistied life, all things considered. But every day from 16:00 till 05:00 i get in to depression mode, that keeps getting stronger (around 00:00 pains becomes unberable) and the only medicine i know that works is comunicating with someone. But becouse of ,,death aura"" females starts hating me instantly and dudes just finds me uninteresting. Have attempted to pay someone just to talk to me, but i guess i don't (can't) offer enough for that. (Just to be clear, I don't look for hook-ups, i have accepted my fate). I despreratly require communication and i can't find any other cure for it.",4.590232558139533,6.336617209302325,5.265806201550387,80.28568604651164,70.70542635658914,8.570852713178295,29.17906976744186,9.120678840339163,2.406996279069767,536,21,104,11,10,173,90,129,0.064,0.871,0.066,0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,1,0,3,0,11,2,0,1,2,21,20,9,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,14,1,17,19,2,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,3,65,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377598014495682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882127213495715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335018633014061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635137825799187,0.0,0.18209970081915602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845813232833852,0.0,0.13964395633364107,0.0,0.1781343467533378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864765138494436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209212577489205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329080365001624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087380241591012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792390158075276,0.0,0.0,0.11619343261525128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493354497154268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754341793036096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112756428698836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079793779087825,0.22497068420745944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582787601618741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496474222481492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993508732461393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046111172705633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354342720788812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391962908853685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,marona999,2019/03/23,"Please help. I’m severely depressed, I have a job to get to tomorrow and I just need to talk to somebody, anybody. Living is just so painful I want it to stop.",-0.5745454545454507,1.6320830606060603,1.6446060606060615,95.02690909090909,97.1818181818182,5.064242424242424,24.78181818181818,6.742157984588678,1.0839745454545455,123,6,27,2,5,41,25,33,0.307,0.527,0.165,-0.7693,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28575811377698496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733392246763364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223824056685538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292364067783499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29296421581456666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460076407944379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35303297086734503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641903297682629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748123533874806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773795250982019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26666891708204604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569003365902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kevingarvey1014,2019/03/23,"I called the lifeline and now I feel even worse After 25 minutes of venting and not getting much helpful feedback, I was essentially told that my call had to be wrapped up and suggested I go to a local behavorial healthcare center that is closed until Monday,

I've struggled with mental illness and insecurities about myself for years and it is all coming to ahead. I had a real rough drug addiction and even though I am coming up on 3 years next month, I still feel I destroyed my life and my happiness which I will never get back. 

I've lost communication with all of my friends and am completely isolated and alone. I have a very negative outlook on life based on my past experiences and what I see going on around the world: how little respect people have for one another and only want something to do with you based on what you bring the table. Unfortunately I feel like I have more in common with someone like Elliott Rodger than most other people my age (god what a mistake it was to read his manifest) and disclaimer I would never hurt another human, I have way too much empathy to carry out something like he did. So I have a huge struggle connecting with others

I am ashamed of my drug addiction and it is crippling me. The exorbitant amount of money I wasted, how it cost me all my friendships, how it fried my brain and zapped me of all my happiness. I'm also not sure if the voice inside my head is just my ""conscious"" or if I have a more severe illness like schizophrenia. 

All of these dark thoughts are consuming and cripping me and I'm not sure if I will ever be happy again.",8.25701411509229,7.039071791530943,8.30470358306189,71.97533984799134,62.355048859934854,10.922823018458198,36.75331161780672,9.888512548439397,3.522531552660152,1268,50,231,21,15,414,171,307,0.154,0.737,0.109,-0.9153,0,1,4,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,2,17,19,1,4,11,0,25,10,2,3,10,57,42,27,0,6,8,0,4,4,1,3,8,1,0,1,14,26,0,0,5,1,2,5,6,8,0,1,8,6,40,11,34,29,11,40,0,2,1,0,11,16,0,5,22,176,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276762226533326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815228227515132,0.0,0.08350822956121029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189963723201245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295993831158568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029598960526246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657226977164573,0.21325816602680187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990490919577495,0.10948709446163807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24219851928161226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794278594219575,0.09445793260121886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214719193266797,0.0,0.0,0.1584004842461104,0.07460087887559966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067810448426585,0.0,0.1091149755701905,0.0,0.11869369200691796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334854446371822,0.0,0.0,0.10716965658865064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699935366824017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178857983201454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751621562811632,0.20406613095794413,0.10466077558121767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399166994109995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523532833933584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335063428101827,0.0,0.1535280356173777,0.0,0.16107721359123647,0.0,0.11105663329024948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076073918443783,0.07941953269942591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968499472865457,0.14478959076296594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044527520468262,0.1188579348017483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321280127211814,0.0,0.0,0.11796995417409335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847853429933694,0.1607821533166945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833935352367321,0.0,0.0,0.21833430676232404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683769823656186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259653447112167,0.08290138334786296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978207835759197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616114318677054,0.06159227169125765,0.08288730221822099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641747990257967,0.07418016395233583,0.0,0.0,0.1344918999821388
suicidewatch,darude4828383,2019/03/23,"Ifeelsohopeless i literally feel like the only logical thing to do rn is kms because I feel like all my friends hate me and the girl im into is so dry with me when we talk but every time i bring it up she says shes hella into me but it really doesn't feel like it all and i just feel like i have no one left anymore and its just me vs all of my problems and its so overwhelming and dying seems like it would help right about now

​",2.609187969924811,3.557903242105265,4.235488721804515,88.86842105263159,74.47368421052632,7.533834586466164,23.045112781954884,7.957251820313856,0.887616541353383,348,9,80,5,7,117,62,95,0.083,0.736,0.18,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,25,14,10,1,2,5,0,4,5,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,5,14,6,7,13,3,9,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,8,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971952066074584,0.2015495829175232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449796137165928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111250017800176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214634085352995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975219730862656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354743872760376,0.4739887807191518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815035476658826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376177907166553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117882124966497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916751010021612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021768375106026,0.0,0.0,0.4051772665780355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239745762495212,0.12615121978743274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587146985982515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626024117366796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165163622974408,0.0,0.13190607416019526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100135201116566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333196112164323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101963173191405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671983218504897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782892505846433,0.0,0.2015495829175232,0.0
suicidewatch,AnonymousPerson_88,2019/03/23,"Really Suicidal And I Feel Ready To Go Going to make this short but I’m really suicidal after this break up and other things are making me suicidal such as my music falling off and my borderline personality disorder and my depression and anxiety, it’s too much to beat and people keep saying I shouldn’t kill myself over these things and that time will make it better but I don’t have that same hope and it’s really making me feel embarrassed. I’m just really wanting to go...",3.23505376344086,5.67722949462366,5.315268817204302,75.35956989247313,76.63440860215053,9.724731182795699,22.161290322580648,9.994966539143718,2.700690322580645,385,11,68,13,9,133,58,93,0.322,0.6,0.079,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,4,0,22,19,11,4,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,3,9,2,9,17,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143436514330785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403911267681796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367210653338888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819278444348375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052570823521414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27064390233449803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576629492047957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410938947743652,0.17562041010097176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238361919431376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166909152869868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004915032109187,0.13860416088574246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067672792584867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623506758308325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209018083480405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109173463428926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256157936802972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362796220710716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Viper1-11,2019/03/23,"I’m overwhelmed I’m just dumping crap here that has happened in the last year of my life then I’ll explain my feelings. 

-I got dumped from a year long relationship after she admitted she never loved me and was using me to try to date my best friend
-I was an asshole to that friend
-I lost a friend to a Heart Failure
-I lost another friend do to my ex’s backstabbing
-I’ve debated why I try
-got accepted to University but don’t know what to do
-Hate myself
-I’m overwhelmed with school
-am overwhelmed with work
-Didn’t get a scholarship I’ve worked on for years
-Had my cat pass away
-Lost s best friend to family drama
-Had my PTSD resurface from childhood trauma
-Getting nightmare every night again and have no one there anymore.
-am broke



I’m just scared shitless and I don’t know what to do. 
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suicidewatch,Seraphim333,2019/03/23,"Is it selfish to reach out to old friends you’ve lost contact with? I keep thinking about reaching out to some old friends for support. But all of them I haven’t talked to in months or years. Plenty have married and started families or moved away and started their careers. 

I can’t really say I was there consistently for any of them so it seems selfish of me to expect any compassion. 

I mostly hope that when or if I kill myself they might hear of it and shrug it off quickly or not register at all. Better to cut ties with a sinking ship. 

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suicidewatch,trishatrixie,2019/03/23,"Please don't tell someone ""melodrama"" when they post a comment about killing themself. Don't tell someone who says in a post ""maybe I should just kill myself"" to ""stop just stop so melodrama""

Duh. 

They are saying that for a reason. 

14% chance of survival with my cancer. Scared. Nervous and sick of people berating me online about how I feel right now. Was it a bit much, maybe. But it WAS how I felt at the time. 

Being told I am ""being melodramatic and stop just stop"" doesn't help the issue and I don't know what to say to people like that when they don't realize I mean what I say and sometimes I worry that I might be actively dying",1.8866626287098711,4.1807023543307125,2.9932283464566933,91.00269533615992,80.5748031496063,5.797456087219867,20.792852816474863,7.010146845296331,0.4760531798909757,497,14,102,6,13,159,79,127,0.259,0.675,0.066,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,3,1,11,5,2,2,6,1,14,2,0,3,0,23,19,10,3,1,4,0,2,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,8,5,0,4,6,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,6,15,1,11,10,2,13,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,9,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441139746567751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699911675054588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667450939145322,0.0,0.12674436104521558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847937305580314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377776846731404,0.0,0.0,0.2920853212700951,0.0,0.07254584319961979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449039505965556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26523114452299745,0.14379085015043733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003518476478144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703799080444238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830296456349025,0.0,0.0,0.14490054621906032,0.0,0.0,0.2528463264676679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357219045428936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127305346923186,0.0,0.4198989200555684,0.13215884465041142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369280407200834,0.0,0.13055514597682635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414443922471831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307543010083717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697248466574662,0.0,0.0,0.12613529982554128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405627929916725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cdwithdcs,2019/03/23,"I'm the worst person ever All I do is hurt myself and others around me. I'm hopelessly addicted to drugs. I have no job. My personality is shit. My mind is shit. My body is shit. I probably won't go through with it, but I wanted to vent anyways.",-0.5966758241758257,1.5872898269230795,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,93.03846153846158,6.048351648351648,18.96703296703297,7.447530270364453,0.7109032967032971,189,6,42,4,7,68,38,52,0.28800000000000003,0.7120000000000001,0.0,-0.9072,1,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,0,7,6,4,0,2,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,10,2,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278364739925665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860507374960014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321474259653837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236899223053515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904883482064555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877723530749212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373452585203385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073962677560272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110263680667785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649744677072264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253330215969977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6435941296369473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327124759703498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tantricbutt,2019/03/23,"I really want to die but I don't have the courage What can I do? Please, I'm desperate. Please tell me what I can do to overcome my fear. I can't stand living anymore. I tried alcohol, but I can't get drunk enough anymore. Maybe alcohol and pills. Help me!",-0.7850000000000001,1.3753489259259304,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,96.77777777777777,5.662962962962964,19.712962962962962,7.1686216300943375,0.5826740740740739,198,7,46,4,8,66,34,54,0.218,0.5589999999999999,0.223,-0.3106,0,0,2,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,0,0,4,11,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,10,1,2,11,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639077224664786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304983422536653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252572425351861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242643095987937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442346654856359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133964499666553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547991307186908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165369005583266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804971326380385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764979257870691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904384373914774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970588563328464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735852246433312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801808218666574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crabspin,2019/03/23,"i am only living for one thing, but it’s also what hurts me most. i feel like i am only living to find my soul mate. a guy who will love me and care for me, make me want to try and give me motivation. i have been suicidal and depressed for almost all my life. 

recently though, i was arrested and expelled from my school. one of my best friends reported me to the school for a joke that i made, purposely to get me in trouble. on december 5th, i was in 7th period and i got taken to the office to be arrested. my charge was written death threats, because we always had jokes about killing each other and stuff. she knew damn well it was a joke because she said the same shit to me, worse if anything. i tried to kill myself, so i was transferred to a mental facility. i stayed there for about two weeks. 

i was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and ocd. i was never diagnosed with anything before because i was so afraid of what would happen if i told people what was going on in my head. a little after i was in the facility, my 10 day suspension ended and i was expelled. 

i got even more depressed after all that shit happened. i literally haven’t killed myself yet because i feel like if i have a man in my life he can help me feel motivated. being 14, i know i have tons of time to find someone. i feel like i need someone now though. 

in january, i met this guy and he used me for nudes, and to make his ex jealous. since he was so great at manipulation, i genuinely really liked him. he talked to me all the time at first and seemed perfect. then he just started being a complete asshole and yelling at me for everything i said. he had all my passwords because he didn’t trust me, so i let him have my accounts because i really liked him and he had nothing to worry about me cheating or anything. there was nothing to hide. but he started ignoring me a lot, and suddenly was always super busy. he would somehow find the time though to be in my accounts and watch me talk to my friends (he blocked all of my friends who were guys.) then he would message me just to yell at me because of something i said that was “wrong” or something my friends said which i couldn’t help. then he broke up with me. this sent me into the worst depression ive ever had. this was directly after being arrested and all of that shit, and i was broken up with and used. it felt so fucking awful. i waited for him to come back for a couple weeks bc he said he might come back to me. nope. one day i just had enough of him taking out his anger out on me and seeing him with other girls, and i blocked him. then he made an account to harass me and threaten to call the police on me if i leaked any nude photos of him, which i didn’t have any. then he dmed one of my guy friends that he had blocked on my account and asked him to get me to unblock him. then my guy friend asked me for nudes, and my dumbass sent because i have no self respect. he saved all of my nudes and sent them to my ex. then my ex used them to threaten me with while also asking me not to leak his nudes. kinda hypocritical. 

for about a month or two i was just looking for people who would wanna date me. im extremely picky though, and i have a lot of problems with trust. if someone couldn’t handle any type of gore for example, i can’t be with them because i talk about so many gory things. if they are sensitive, i can’t be with them either because i don’t get offended by anything at all. idk, it feels impossible to find anyone who would actually like me. im just so edgy to the point where it’s fucking annoying. ok before you read the part im about to say, im not trying to sound like one of those “im not like other girls 🤪” people. im just stating that a lot of guys don’t find this attractive in me. i listen to heavy metal and i like edgy humor, i say shit for shock value. idk. just really edgy shit that a lot of people do, but i do it to an extreme amount that even the edgiest fucking teens don’t like it. 

this guy about a week ago showed a lot of interest in me and really wanted to be with me. long story short he just used me for nudes and after i sent he got more and more distant until he broke up with me yesterday. 

so im just at the point where im only living because men make me happy and they make me feel motivation, but in the end they always leave me, and i end up feeling worse. i feel suicidal. i don’t know what to do. on top of that, my best friend was admitted into a hospital a few days ago because of her suicidal thoughts so we can’t talk for a while so i don’t even have my best friend to talk to. it feels awful. i feel guilty too because i feel like i could have helped her. i love her so much, she means everything to me. 

please help i don’t know what to do i feel like im genuinely going to kill myself eventually. like i can’t stop myself. ive attempted before, but this is the worst ive ever felt. ",2.7788948931343427,3.924899970559373,4.2777439047704,87.96406191453295,74.31894013738959,7.334723372799917,24.91188203356997,7.823728652174545,1.1666552923033788,3806,119,833,52,77,1270,336,1019,0.201,0.624,0.175,-0.991,1,0,2,0,1,2,98.0,2,1,7,11,49,78,20,1,34,3,80,21,12,14,12,162,157,72,8,19,27,3,14,13,9,7,4,11,0,12,41,51,0,6,30,5,4,8,21,35,1,8,51,28,159,43,129,87,31,93,1,7,3,11,111,37,9,20,59,580,200,11,0.0,0.0,0.03487225757485067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335393796351235,0.0,0.03578349437004316,0.0,0.0,0.05715461907800981,0.08920328207980951,0.0,0.0,0.07290318578450149,0.0,0.027337218274937816,0.0,0.0,0.024986780433525042,0.0,0.11762761750879515,0.0,0.10022235401598363,0.0,0.0,0.05495610101537037,0.0,0.2831888417694761,0.0,0.09122369608151074,0.0,0.11250520256458428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03648948525367402,0.0,0.036434268871071096,0.0,0.0,0.061565169141872524,0.037467523924251116,0.0,0.0,0.02853153259749065,0.03954015723553807,0.0,0.06913846006191804,0.0,0.12311419758002587,0.07254065459186762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094951952576349,0.03692386306162077,0.0,0.07080799784505136,0.06464880389736698,0.0,0.0,0.06423272412510503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682460247161112,0.12764564754346625,0.06862251112752775,0.0,0.1633059584669247,0.0303962184281649,0.0,0.0,0.2208705107969845,0.09910944397623224,0.05601027195633495,0.034280319729413734,0.040618109072983764,0.0,0.08574176072701954,0.03939802286811518,0.0,0.2476832499915413,0.06320077995306839,0.03804062916203967,0.0,0.0,0.03667447466692933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580981294958724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825511408362015,0.0,0.3473999115289472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581421693537445,0.0,0.058917152895415326,0.0,0.0,0.03783826214159949,0.0,0.03654151353967236,0.05048145048910764,0.2269584485233005,0.03581591175016447,0.09466412136022652,0.031624398014396,0.030008445010872038,0.0,0.0,0.15190332382164498,0.06450456232096209,0.06762674371058877,0.0954137033474376,0.036229735620733866,0.0,0.03892594957721607,0.0,0.0,0.036012529162621966,0.037909244819729855,0.0,0.0,0.028523378936864283,0.0,0.026269376202840342,0.026497089526738217,0.02756107641524797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857749562375633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107498611261218,0.08153435588277089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869758080943884,0.0,0.09909674711104376,0.0,0.0,0.03922635793538392,0.06756235268703448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034193620273461976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03574472412033518,0.0,0.09157116181295938,0.0,0.035284054426952774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996109660298198,0.05683589801614655,0.0,0.07233156431049655,0.028476211171714325,0.0325318507803665,0.0372794545423341,0.0403704391106053,0.1834075955200921,0.02956040570253058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908345851246772,0.0550211804012808,0.0,0.0,0.05058690988267157,0.03808881255178767,0.0,0.029876105009082138,0.0,0.0,0.04090808695815975,0.11726504616559905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026868313105579883,0.14361241275073966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047481563626094084,0.0,0.14043803532256027,0.0283696409993589,0.06251219157124048,0.0,0.0,0.034146375209404216,0.0,0.07278526727016581,0.0,0.06981590993127734,0.0,0.0,0.12345445137169972,0.0,0.0,0.04215492107975781,0.0,0.08599351373634356,0.0,0.032130104890281536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362906816605445,0.07283414531756427,0.1269257843244181,0.0390706714462155,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catita_pony,2019/03/23,"I just feel like a needed to take all my pills (English is not my first language). Today I forgot my medicine and when I went to take it I just felt like I should take all of them and finally die.
I hate myself, I have a loving family and good friends but I just feel so miserable all the time. I feel even more depressed and I don't know if I can wait until my appointment with a psychiatrist on april 9. South america sucks
I am scared of not being able to stop if a have more sudden impulses",2.6585679611650486,3.936324601941749,4.20989077669903,87.81153519417477,74.8252427184466,7.868446601941748,23.55461165048544,8.472884824447931,1.2793504854368931,386,11,85,7,8,129,67,103,0.231,0.6779999999999999,0.091,-0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,2,2,5,0,8,2,0,0,3,26,23,10,1,4,8,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,3,4,18,5,8,18,5,12,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,2,11,61,19,0,0.20591667801171976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773557330388302,0.0,0.2137090017253848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600602378029816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411991791441552,0.0,0.31235297851987565,0.14710691591567035,0.19771230293852854,0.2255716556341349,0.0,0.17515262112418514,0.0,0.0,0.1590907146334496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727131398656144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330008847504935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131664210488807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120097524672195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858478414294472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268460758493715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615851714465228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215556315628358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644711456541269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007167088669315,0.0,0.19518493354992456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908868235077824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiatim,2019/03/23,"Lord let me live or let me die I just don’t want to live anymore, but I am too afraid of dying so I can’t kill myself. It’s like I’m stuck in a limbo. I feel almost nothing but agony and pain ",-1.7784782608695655,-0.2268540652173883,1.3371304347826083,101.86221739130436,89.65217391304348,3.68,13.54782608695652,3.1291,-1.6163252173913047,147,2,40,0,5,52,37,46,0.307,0.562,0.131,-0.9075,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,9,5,3,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,7,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23791032022089484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356237094591787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931582016398303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013176166349672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26285620517034874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859001805512673,0.0,0.11607362151309344,0.0,0.4195895681836206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279723407540313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528106570779434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013570990662913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Po_w,2019/03/23,"Believe Give me something to believe 
Cause I am living just to breathe
And i need something more 
To keep on breathing for 
So give me something to believe 
",3.705057471264369,6.482628241379312,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,76.93103448275863,3.866666666666666,37.25287356321839,3.1291,1.9512666666666671,125,8,21,0,3,37,19,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,5,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6955494216124384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139841122981687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948164367812326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291162195343494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817123808523571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258735266468024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752712321165664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Netasha22,2019/03/23,"Isolated!!! I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for such a long time. I had even attempted and failed 2 years ago. I really did try to help myself, however the thought is always at the back of my head. I've been through so much, too much to even mention. I've lost loved ones and truly feel alone in this world. 
Those thoughts came back a few months ago and have been stronger than ever. I tried so hard to claw myself out of that darkness and eventually I thought I was getting there. 
I then decided to speak to my sister the only family I have, thinking she would understand. I mean I don't need help, no one can help me only I can help myself, I just need love and support. 
So I explained everything to her, how I have been feeling, what I planned and how I'm really trying to help myself now. Instead of actually listening to me she made this all about her and says that I'm doing this to her. She swore at me, screamed at me, told me I'm selfish. She even said if I wanted to die I'd already be dead, I'm just here trying to torment her. She said the nastiest of things. 
Yes I understand she's angry and that it's difficult for her. But I'm the one going through this, I stopped myself because of her, thinking how it will affect her. 
People keep things to themselves and end up ending their lives and the people they leave behind always ask why didn't they come to them and speak to them about what was going on. I try exactly this and I became the villain. I really was just trying to reach out, I wanted to know I had someone I could turn to, but all I feel now is that I should have just done it already. 
I hate this life, I hate all the shit I have to put up with. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of putting everyone's feelings before mine. 
I feel like this is my destiny that the universe is just pushing me to do this already. 
Idk why I'm posting this, maybe it's just to vent, maybe just to have one person to understand me. 
Sorry for the long post, and if you made it to this point thank you for listening. ",3.505797788309636,4.444841981042657,4.492208530805686,87.90993996840444,72.3175355450237,7.617187993680885,26.38894154818325,7.908726449838941,1.3647191785150086,1604,52,345,21,30,522,186,422,0.158,0.767,0.075,-0.9876,1,2,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,2,5,4,29,15,4,1,12,1,33,8,2,6,5,68,85,24,3,9,11,1,6,1,0,3,4,8,0,1,25,19,0,2,18,0,0,7,3,10,0,4,23,14,65,5,52,56,6,36,0,2,0,2,40,11,1,2,17,242,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.06986581157889571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692824039393316,0.0,0.0,0.14830042349599964,0.2370186183904345,0.0,0.11914456039312395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066931104060246,0.0,0.0,0.11010335623982233,0.0,0.04364328472027116,0.0,0.060921565404641165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188492625440574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167224043147326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716230663399882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430368900182735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326593327337919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682278481700024,0.0,0.0,0.1418622876681478,0.06476123810165682,0.0,0.06841152200604915,0.06434443470273367,0.0,0.0674928332139586,0.0,0.18100141147820206,0.051147057175727664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03740512161742142,0.0,0.08137750041255451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641345242285889,0.14136930523408775,0.07347651442797766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399411023425033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363639665167294,0.0,0.0,0.0393464125852359,0.0,0.0,0.07580813738782362,0.0,0.0,0.05056924548878236,0.03497740986785257,0.0,0.06321917120927538,0.12671759080853004,0.0,0.0,0.07815375030308247,0.0,0.12923349133397113,0.13548871401964285,0.0,0.0,0.14385240535616078,0.07798729557023866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057145970951808574,0.0,0.10526025073905068,0.10617268814849024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405688658968107,0.10890154220892767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926909158205413,0.06251347284588472,0.0,0.0,0.06767985400038246,0.0,0.13713529877215974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394430289158647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375956272020665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620534805375048,0.05693474437653226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073490627804873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066170695092081,0.0,0.0,0.08014407478084684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059856128293259016,0.0,0.07484601682787939,0.0,0.07831265873367471,0.08124448226420912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591450903306081,0.0,0.0,0.0951282827230678,0.09174960762691882,0.0,0.2273518413160105,0.04174727325224725,0.2468617094583029,0.0,0.06841152200604915,0.0,0.3402553094946011,0.07787415369541398,0.0,0.223596901283006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445646993057318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920562927493448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085861110700586,0.0,0.0,0.0461044494497814
suicidewatch,notaunion,2019/03/23,"I will always tell others they are worth it. You don't want someone to experience the emotions that you felt when your brother tried to commit suicide. You never want someone to have and hold your mother as she broke down in tears and hug her in the fetal position and tell her that everything was going to be okay even those I was 12 and I had no idea if everything was going to be okay. 
 
I never want anyone's friends or family to experience seeing them lie there in an ICU and having the doctors say they weren't sure if you are going to come out of the coma. To have talked to someone who is lying there lifelessly in order that hopefully, the sound of your voice will bring them back awake. So no one else's little sibling will have to see their older sibling lie there all hooked up and not understand why. 

I never want someone to have to go to a friend's funeral and see the number of people you truly have an impact on without realizing. To have to get up and speak in front of all these strangers who you don't know but they knew your friend and hear your memories of them because that's all you are left with just memories and questions unanswered. 

So when someone I know or don't know tells me they are struggling I tell them they are worth it. They are unique and special and I list off all the things that come to my mind to just get them to believe they are worth it. To live on and be the amazing person they already were. I am there for them for when they are sad and think they can no longer do it. I pull them out of that plane that is nose-diving and help them get back up. I plead and beg for them to get help because too many people around me have gone on and I know most of them probably didn't want to die they just wanted the emotions and pain to stop and the clouds around their mind just choked the last breath of hope and they saw nowhere else to turn.  


So yeah I always tell people they are worth it and I truly believe it every single time I say it. Except I never would do the same for my self. I always tell people to go and seek help but I never would do the same my self. I understand all these people's emotions because I struggle with the thought of suicide quite often. I tell people they are worth it even though I don't believe the same for my self. ",4.6083654532476785,5.087658334047108,4.8330342612419726,88.13804532476807,69.51391862955032,7.51146324054247,25.416773733047823,7.1686216300943375,0.938003625981442,1810,46,384,15,30,568,187,467,0.104,0.774,0.122,0.9165,0,0,0,0,0,4,21.0,0,12,26,1,23,16,0,2,18,3,44,5,1,0,12,87,81,36,4,12,13,2,1,0,3,5,3,6,0,4,22,30,0,2,13,0,5,11,16,5,0,1,12,11,69,11,60,61,10,45,0,2,4,1,68,19,0,9,14,282,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997601795780531,0.0,0.15829000605174565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433870070495465,0.0,0.0,0.1128991174491689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751885087053623,0.0,0.11596493838569688,0.0,0.0,0.214328680667976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092465520195191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658109853719351,0.0,0.0,0.0649042189143045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594411716096022,0.2139877516279909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376521689995876,0.0,0.05342680981293258,0.0,0.1139800919139532,0.12405696506009616,0.059778591332727074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060884854505375535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697438960020673,0.0,0.13251928374856514,0.0,0.1801906998562197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146921680640182,0.0,0.12750990365498646,0.0,0.0,0.12596358645536654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158371248066031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393969111289428,0.05168872577138702,0.0,0.0,0.06889663347068377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355484636327664,0.05599339693049645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428917117117082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805480394161195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445337688729324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042969181935107854,0.0,0.06747416305559857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637687369935771,0.05536835791434533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683681763717876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103524102729028,0.06744579199870376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085452498130154,0.0,0.0,0.15159194371352688,0.0,0.19845564919345546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26864121838455984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301474040449677,0.0,0.1325826532915759,0.0,0.13872348217414787,0.0,0.0597644609475392,0.0,0.0,0.050967653102902334,0.3879702950595404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212769316602273,0.04063144217016899,0.062301344027942775,0.05034154058879401,0.036975676796535004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04305215431559479,0.06897335594703348,0.0,0.1320269343036614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244099955937397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721889378853898,0.0,0.0,0.06112629289509543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900912284857831,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,herb_puffer,2019/03/23,"Ive had a shit month and its only getting worse Im on the edge and if one little inconvenience thing happens I think I just might fall off. My one and only friend ive made in the 6 years ive lived in this state recently decided to stop talking to me, out of the blue. We've been close friends for over a year, hanging out all the time. Then once she started dating this guy, she wont even respond to my text, acting like I dont even exist. This was over 2 months ago with still no word. Do NOT beg someone to stay in your life, if they care enough about you they will stick around. I just thought she was one of those people that would be there for you. I have bad social anxiety so its been hell tryin to meet new people. my social life was bad but now its basically non-existing except for the few acquaintances I talk to at work. All my close family and friends live 2,000 miles away, I would love to go back home but cant afford it. I have to move next week, and since most places dont allow pitbulls (well the places I can afford anyways) I have to get rid of my dog that ive had for 8 years, I think this is going to kill me as hes the only friend I have left. Im moving into a house with 3 other random people next week, and not sure how I feel about that. I never had stranger roommates before. Lately ive been abusing weed, dxm, addy, kratom and any other drug that will get me in a different state of mind. Its the only way I can feel something else besides sadness. I almost got fired from my job the other day for coming in high, and I honestly dont care anymore. im all out of fucks to give, im tired all the time and this the most alone I've ever been in my life. I guess im destined to die at a young age with a bullet in my head.",2.83920608802962,3.460716524064172,4.028556149732623,91.80039078568493,73.59893048128343,6.823364870423695,22.138626079802552,6.67199483983844,0.2902948580830937,1356,29,316,10,26,444,203,374,0.15,0.772,0.079,-0.9761,4,1,2,0,0,1,36.0,0,3,2,1,16,18,4,0,17,0,35,9,2,3,7,56,56,17,2,4,9,0,3,1,4,6,5,0,1,1,19,20,0,1,6,0,0,8,9,7,1,3,13,4,43,11,49,36,8,66,1,1,1,2,22,27,3,8,28,199,62,2,0.0,0.0890761466113126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666426387415352,0.0,0.07528202870628113,0.0778639293949668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051125058462734733,0.0,0.057512584702924835,0.0,0.0745584758278529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692624437493543,0.0,0.0,0.07063419589700898,0.05780887036130183,0.12554451696706234,0.0,0.0,0.06397274337420605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533022821460704,0.0,0.0,0.0647610149908329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848495679101659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802509335895348,0.07854722232429981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643316161160684,0.0,0.0871850690905014,0.0,0.06280334191623399,0.0,0.0,0.0776811590898962,0.0,0.09931151815938984,0.06800472112224361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087312464997378,0.0,0.07602665341873809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323358915459869,0.06950280790844662,0.1178355265603518,0.07211961993546097,0.08545318748375587,0.0,0.06012840841858776,0.0,0.08281937616079071,0.0744401368930673,0.06648153030394656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715649081423746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794319226318778,0.07541178844144149,0.0,0.0,0.08674776261282376,0.0,0.0,0.40603714354739207,0.0,0.07460466690484219,0.0,0.08317566200947163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480644802904258,0.0,0.08168341847925192,0.0,0.1593058226324555,0.03672920829444229,0.0753502290367362,0.13277084359992047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678529919704836,0.0711372456905013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797542248736201,0.07591048801457087,0.0,0.12001610629300655,0.1598091358322877,0.0,0.0,0.057983541920537215,0.07260942670643729,0.15990981736945695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006437234866425,0.15283198145857207,0.2287114707743953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563612838554582,0.0,0.15709444464859962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423129699897557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717131104139795,0.062189770726534525,0.0,0.0,0.15327332585052927,0.06369987024524007,0.05787732801593486,0.0,0.0,0.05321287466460397,0.08013200304753752,0.060038939568097034,0.06285394522029956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085637175351962,0.0,0.0,0.1208538625934808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994632998882295,0.0963447683002877,0.0,0.05968461620921485,0.08767626309666066,0.08640848651431578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596744785397993,0.12060991216987894,0.0,0.06759595509797274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473202149468994,0.0,0.07661496333886005,0.1068115979984049,0.0,0.0,0.14524059387524665
suicidewatch,talktherapythrowawy,2019/03/23,"No one will help me. I've done nothing all day but lay in bed crying and fantasizing about what I would say in a suicide note. I've been trying so long to get help, and no one can/will. None of the suicide lines/chats even answer, and on rare occasion they do, they can't do anything other than say meaningless lines like, ""Your life is worth it, without being able to direct you toward any actual help.

I can't fucking take it anymore. I have no money and no support system. I wish I could just cry myself to death.",3.209928571428569,4.512355171428574,4.363035714285719,87.15883928571432,73.47619047619048,6.773809523809526,23.60119047619048,7.1686216300943375,0.8305476190476191,403,11,83,4,8,132,77,105,0.29100000000000004,0.552,0.157,-0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,2,2,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,12,2,0,0,1,12,17,6,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,2,2,11,2,11,11,2,7,0,0,0,1,9,4,1,0,3,56,15,0,0.173359989494696,0.0,0.1691743422676943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178907376237396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192652635994984,0.0,0.0,0.14266050012573325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841384518078276,0.0,0.38085561620389613,0.11180285150997828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740745855583476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450263806424615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026851680219215,0.09057343934127962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485986400596546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244928744408268,0.0846949341158007,0.0,0.0,0.15341813538208046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634358546493302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349464309467965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757256436133249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792553820846413,0.19672686166976,0.0,0.0,0.1303451371831183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770005321831978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935543234253345,0.16711284350723524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314996259594242,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JohnnyBoiii36,2019/03/23,"Welp, I'm out! Goodbye Cruel world! 

Give all my stuff to my niece, D.",-2.6020000000000003,-1.3347765333333328,-0.2666666666666657,105.88000000000004,114.33333333333334,2.0,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.0083333333333333,52,1,13,0,3,17,14,15,0.252,0.748,0.0,-0.6579999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6422856540859502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7664653537867078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GhostingLife,2019/03/23,I'm really at the end of my rope. Today I have hit an all new low. I am too paralyzed to fight back anymore. I am completely overcome. ,-1.0763793103448265,1.0018005862068975,2.699568965517244,88.62107758620691,94.86206896551724,7.037931034482759,21.043103448275854,8.07648339933343,1.5344413793103446,103,4,23,3,4,38,25,29,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153816125867087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32206588889955645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43915092863499816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709722784093604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404523032685832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26832278020057715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39701600889017175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bestgoalsandribbles,2019/03/23,"Should I be seeking out help? I know this might sound dumb but I never actually considered the possibility that I might be depressed. 2 and a half years back I had everything I wanted. Right after that I lost all of it-my relationship, friends, appearance, curiosity, sporting nature for one reason or the other. I don't feel pressure from deadlines. I block anything emotional because anytime I try to introspect I break down. I can't and don't want to make any new connections with anyone. All I have been doing for a while now is just exist, Just passing the day somehow. Suppress or ignore(by smoking cigarettes) anything stressful. Typing it out right now I don't know if this is just me not taking responsibility or not putting in the work or if it might actually be depression. Just let me know what you think.",4.362459791863767,6.922379006622517,5.417753074739828,75.43054635761591,73.50331125827816,8.28779564806055,31.315515610217595,9.04235418022936,3.109497256385999,654,31,111,15,14,215,100,151,0.15,0.774,0.075,-0.9374,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,8,7,1,2,6,0,18,0,0,2,3,38,29,10,0,5,13,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,6,1,0,3,7,6,0,2,3,2,17,1,12,18,2,19,0,3,0,0,4,6,1,11,9,86,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.2902979458919041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011484321827577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400260176352236,0.0,0.2448010117330928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437202771247827,0.0,0.09067064147650523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592511991814648,0.0,0.25621942163407946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731269794403747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367809520602275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520751103896056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491630462774605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969741647731503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452311615705821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520969254367741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623674917961371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928523423041977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47336952065088705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147176068647536,0.14365420586067987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079020462595514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768221968607494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495249769090641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292969168953427,0.0,0.15969130348842311,0.0,0.2540466253042323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038138925540824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183411465960656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530671020834544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009848279078275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546163984970256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828463244528393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578380805492258
suicidewatch,scaribeari,2019/03/23,"I'll be dead in a few hours. In about two hours, after dinner, I'll be taking a bunch of pills that I've got saved. Then, I'll have a glass of wine and play some Fallout 3 or New Vegas.. Maybe Heavy Rain? Whatever I'm in the mood to play, I guess. I've had the whole thing planned out for a while now but I never knew when I'd get the nerve to do it. I woke up this morning feeling different though. I thought it through and it just feels right to do it today. I feel kind of happy? When I think of my pets though, I feel quite sad about it because of how much they mean to me and how much I love them, but they're better off without me and they'll be happier living with my grandmother. I don't know why I'm posting this here. It sounds kind of morbid, but I think I just want to feel heard before I go.

Thanks for listening guys.",1.7144514601420688,2.7337958397790056,3.0123638516179945,96.49261049723759,76.79005524861878,6.2764009471191775,20.663378058405684,6.5431188927421005,-0.04814948697711108,641,14,159,5,14,208,109,181,0.04,0.784,0.17600000000000002,0.973,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,3,3,12,11,0,0,7,0,9,4,0,2,1,31,33,16,1,1,7,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,10,6,2,0,11,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,8,19,9,25,23,6,20,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,3,11,97,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999815428671154,0.0,0.12562822614788785,0.0,0.0,0.13057294254986926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424925818366986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732485549778431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713424706720806,0.0,0.0839055181631905,0.0,0.11807880813453787,0.0,0.1626388172364968,0.14618385673065648,0.0,0.15716234822057149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907854419659409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30748246514116523,0.081137442636849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036618945703973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324817055627053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832122575944706,0.16081999107353406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706038734226984,0.0,0.11386676783015465,0.14258874948331074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141395450138044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570301389054367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608120449921592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110046619473966,0.0,0.0,0.13592432814606425,0.0,0.0,0.09808347286889753,0.18919967632769372,0.2901052361247763,0.11720729903392535,0.0,0.0,0.13994262788114234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421991157423775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708013684167437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332194429535706,0.16483145530182064,0.0,0.14231681443188804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,capt_spicywiener,2019/03/23,"I don't know what to do anymore I cried when I picked up my gun today,  I just wanted to put it in my mouth and pull the trigger.  I almost scream for someone to talk to me put their arms around me and tell me ""I'm doing good enough."" the only thing I've heard was ""it'll be fine "",""things will get better"". I have 2 boys I'm ashamed to go see because I'm not strong enough. At night while I'm at work I pray for chemical to hit me in the face or fall off a ship and be crushed. I'm to much of a coward to just put the gun to my head. ",0.8735772357723555,1.3469544065040675,2.7871544715447167,99.4218699186992,78.10569105691056,5.791869918699187,19.357723577235774,5.033348758259628,-0.6454617886178866,404,7,111,1,9,136,77,123,0.175,0.768,0.057,-0.9247,0,0,0,2,1,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,4,6,0,1,6,0,9,4,4,2,0,13,21,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,2,0,0,2,3,15,4,19,14,3,17,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,4,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844774244687392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270436954748884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640017066998012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230349266550196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293442473550146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023654718105291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807129112995008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625136669108612,0.0,0.10470084434860814,0.15452144957504058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907076431202607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124672296096596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354285530134638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288521142037405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011346333244296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555991511971707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680562052608334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609552776112035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807524246808776,0.16102312521173098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447853883946952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746263132660872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108662267427787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411995578256314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trent_fishgill,2019/03/23,"In desperate need of help concerning my partner. Any resources and advice regarding german mental health and poverty relief related assistance that she can reach out to. Please help, I have reason to believe she'll make a suicide attempt on monday if not sooner Background info: She's been living with untreated bipolar disorder for years, as well as adhd which she also isnt treated for. She's unable to work and she's becoming buried by debt that she's got no idea how to navigate through because she's got absolutely no support in any way. She's at risk of losing her apartment and she already struggles with so much self hatred, she truly thinks she's worthless and no matter what i do she wont listen to me. she's been depressed for almost a whole year and her mentions of wanting to die have become a daily thing i struggle to talk her out of, and she's returned to self harming. today's been the worst day by far because now she's finally took her anger out on me because to her it doesn't make sense that i could actually like her and now she cant forgive herself for what she did and wants to die even more. she also deals with trauma from a past partner and an extremely abusive and neglectful childhood.

i just want her to get help but i'm helpless. i'm too far away and i dont know anyone close to her who's actually willing or capable to do anything. i had a surprise care package filled with all the things she loves ready soon and i'm scared. i'm scared i'll never hear from her again and i'm so fucking terrified of losing her. i've been crying all day. i don't want to lose the love of my life like this, i'd never forgive myself.

please please please someone help me. even now as i write this she talks about how theres nothing left over her here and how she's useless and a monster and so many untrue things.

please",4.751707317073169,5.66623806775068,5.35610189701897,82.95116097560975,69.40650406504065,7.746818428184283,30.207154471544715,7.839951260653429,1.9799451707317082,1473,57,283,17,25,475,196,369,0.218,0.647,0.134,-0.9831,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,5,21,30,2,5,10,0,20,6,0,6,4,56,45,31,3,7,5,0,0,2,2,3,3,2,0,4,13,25,0,1,7,0,1,2,12,18,1,0,9,2,49,12,47,32,6,35,0,8,0,3,54,15,1,3,19,190,62,1,0.0,0.09653362676265696,0.1590141699105918,0.0,0.09791617840841203,0.07961566386831749,0.0,0.0,0.08158466141085667,0.0,0.08990882666111485,0.1303098070111786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081052559213136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569686683009684,0.0,0.06704634019095962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654771072614301,0.0,0.0,0.14899778307438702,0.17996374758206374,0.0,0.09179354470795073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306839625162259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505053426106433,0.0,0.08949560384668091,0.1050882621335381,0.08399634227722003,0.07017362544701924,0.0,0.16911475242190405,0.0,0.09337651357950216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548717789010512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762590650743123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925102449588225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532160261564959,0.04256691670776848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032475150592998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660328490021392,0.09182736618889983,0.0,0.21844180639533667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919744761850211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044776100032386114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852197734351261,0.0,0.05754765036489371,0.07960837597196391,0.0,0.07194322806174293,0.0,0.0,0.2734464323185344,0.0,0.0,0.1470673272428326,0.0,0.10876934769223363,0.08260207019068891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210684982014438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989292551532776,0.06041210103901563,0.12567588085188122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817671051087341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777636104403281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471711311149276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376906665315886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313981304065708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999075858639134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903284137240331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034908731518295,0.0,0.08911957179488596,0.0924559782181178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309717821015719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238355252425818,0.05220538975612511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722803309005502,0.0,0.09052085514417853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222242118269,0.06467044273652467,0.0,0.0,0.07325510754934603,0.0,0.0,0.09096305591133094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059314201791741177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493345160906103
suicidewatch,Samuelm26hg,2019/03/23,"I feel like my life is slowly shredding to pieces. I just found out that what I’ve been dealing with for years is depression and I’ve felt much worse than ever. Since I’m a minor, my parents get to decide whether I take meds or not and I have a feeling they will say no. I haven’t thought about talking my life in a while but those thoughts are slowly coming back and I don’t want them to. I feel devastated",2.347973421926909,3.806185093023256,3.1967774086378737,94.0254651162791,75.97674418604652,5.84451827242525,23.913621262458467,6.18269132825596,0.3616132890365451,322,10,73,2,7,102,62,86,0.159,0.8009999999999999,0.04,-0.8585,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,21,20,7,0,1,5,1,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,5,12,1,9,14,2,7,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,5,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667815979980145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868388968793068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361288293898826,0.1868144048546784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961971577941366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290112746115804,0.15495236875582893,0.20825662397855751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378180667840395,0.0,0.0,0.11332054116634235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064037231999502,0.10596567644832744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409253947893626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944539225209442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408401735787816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248643407460665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942072343009885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308071760790682,0.17433483997869367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344386444677342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793238550885966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210381544623323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967555607123486
suicidewatch,riw96946,2019/03/23,"Joining The '27' Club Soon I've struggled with suicide for almost a decade now. it doesn't go away for long and always comes back stronger than before.

The things I used to do, don't give me pleasure anymore, just keep me busy I guess.

I had a wonderful career and future that I threw away when I quit due to being overworked (I didn't make overtime, worked tons of doubles)

I've been cheated on in essentially every relationship I've been in which is partly what d e s t r o y e d me mentally. I was gas lighted, felt that i wasn't enough, ignored, etc)

I have other underlying issues that I so desperately wish I could get help for that I know I won't do. 

I've ended up in the ICU due to an OD, i've strapped a hose to my car exhaust, i've placed a bag over my head, even had a loaded gun pointed to my head at one point. I know that when I call a hotline that i get a police officer sent to my house as this is what put me in ICU. 

I fear that I'm getting ever closer to my desire to be free from this mental prison.  

​",2.0984615384615397,3.1811742307692303,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,75.92307692307692,6.466968325791856,24.312217194570128,6.794906146795322,0.7005457013574663,799,25,181,7,17,272,138,221,0.133,0.772,0.096,-0.8282,0,1,0,1,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,11,0,18,3,2,2,1,19,36,6,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,4,0,2,4,1,1,6,5,5,0,1,10,2,26,3,27,22,5,32,0,0,0,0,5,15,0,3,11,114,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329762861956882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049713819424978,0.14388470757770402,0.1613620083888314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169822054983565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24953294193091524,0.1021121378092263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299984840793716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559984343753873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439223160873373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602701919077408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761808288909867,0.1372140498956687,0.1481029488053981,0.0877106866554824,0.12012183271377395,0.11188658844161577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943272799916915,0.0,0.0,0.12750524843655622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081417168637167,0.1273902867081206,0.07547118290016029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629006757872876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27257457804170443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890105433484828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322907081907616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860480867464525,0.0,0.11803543009941403,0.0,0.0,0.14596271871861946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752052378230615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864254418610634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676548206856193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998619216980777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380542401987062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387438422578133,0.0,0.2510708052729028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349693411437108,0.0,0.1412451837925596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425735008365666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388274989211614,0.0,0.14525757023068211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882239438170701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146933435843972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270916159550135,0.0,0.14401189462377142,0.096677269189203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613620083888314,0.0
suicidewatch,youmatteralways,2019/03/23,"My 10 year old daughter confided in me that she has considered suicide. I'm not sure i'm in the right place, actually i'm pretty lost. I found out late last night that my 10 year old daughter has been considering suicide. I am calling her doctor Monday morning to get her into counseling and we've had extensive and open conversations. She came to me with this, thankfully! This is a throw away account because my real one has a lot of identifiers. If anyone can point me in the right direction to get her words of encouragement or insight to help me help her,  I would appreciate it sooooo very much. I'm also sending all of you who are in her position so much love. You matter! ",4.438181818181818,6.011671303030305,5.738303030303032,77.43245454545456,70.81818181818181,9.21939393939394,30.624242424242425,9.642632912329526,2.9956006060606057,540,23,101,13,10,181,88,132,0.09,0.7490000000000001,0.16,0.85,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,0,2,19,21,6,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,5,0,19,4,15,15,4,23,0,1,0,1,19,12,0,3,8,66,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.15430525556297092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645091996849767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105632903810482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856178003506462,0.0,0.0,0.09639032382475317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146128008328522,0.1808506075703818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618456086597838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337372712560342,0.0,0.0,0.1652255007163963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21197305108357054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889136366257167,0.17836965109670444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260995243866267,0.1344305349480319,0.14271219683081074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23247722346387056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483877403791543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318470154286938,0.0,0.10714824891556957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520489852142675,0.0,0.1494773614158973,0.0,0.0,0.16086795505099427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997861145194372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700723859553366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459218334870276,0.0,0.14902907268708496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557843001893267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046804942162735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123260548627886,0.0,0.0,0.2036520780097131
suicidewatch,8882011,2019/03/23,Fuck life I'm at peace now and I'm leaving. I cried all I had to. And I'm ready to move on. Life is bullshit bye. ,-4.79845238095238,-4.291387749999998,-1.1271428571428572,111.4554761904762,122.92857142857143,1.866666666666667,11.809523809523812,3.1291,-2.204733333333333,85,2,26,0,6,30,19,28,0.292,0.531,0.177,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373675526419237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680988068811821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42160116907084105,0.0,0.0,0.5624739969016952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231883142481561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThisIsReallyNotBen,2019/03/23,I don’t want to live anymore I have anger and anxiety issues so that really doesn’t help. That also lead to all of my friends except for 3 leaving me. I don’t see how I’m helpful do this world especially because complete idiots are running it. Should I do it?,1.0377777777777766,3.3422631481481524,3.4348148148148177,86.4666666666667,84.18518518518519,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.3836888888888892,206,9,41,3,6,71,42,54,0.099,0.715,0.18600000000000005,0.5829,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,7,11,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,10,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473022183490096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365707210350152,0.0,0.3066868317078071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851219837055688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242363235722062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892105384089954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4145593070911189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227702656453757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274446166220425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730680108110587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981095475610816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24642733366232145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240005209592144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,radjurkatt,2019/03/23,"Saturday nights are always hardest I feel isolated. I’m in a small village but I can hear people in the nearby park yelling and having a good time. I MISS the city life so much. all I want to do is be with my friends and get fucked up. When I think of what I want to do in life all of it is drug related. I couldn’t give a shit about love, careers, having a family: I just want to get fucked up all the time.

Being on my own is seriously difficult. I’ve spent the last few years surrounded by people and now I’m on my own I feel like there’s nothing left. All I want is to be around people and waste my life and have a ‘good time’. Without that I am nothing, without that to look forward to and keep me going I have nothing. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to live. I don’t want to do anything. I won’t be able to find anyone again, not here anyway. Knowing that everyone else is enjoying their weekend and I’m not is hard for me. I feel like a spoilt brat but that’s me. 

Maybe this sounds pathetic. I can’t sit still. Having nothing to do destroys me. It reminds me how meaningless life is. I don’t care for anything much but escaping myself with alcohol, drugs and all that comes with it (meaningless sex, dancing, chatting shit with friends)

This post has no coherency so please don’t judge me. I’ve been wanting death for weeks and i can’t find the courage to do it. I can’t even find he courage to think. I don’t know who I am anymore. All I am is the fear and the sorrow and the pain. It’s taken over me and I want to let it win. I can’t do this anymore. I think tonight has really set me off. I’m hurting so much and sometimes I know why and sometimes it’s so much i just don’t understand it. I am my heartbreak and my loneliness, my depression and my fear, my longing and my emptiness.

If I can get through this maybe I can control it, or release it, or channel it. But for tonight, I long for death and try to distance myself from that desire.",0.514294633077764,2.569734549397591,2.36214403066813,94.92628285870758,84.22891566265059,5.604052573932092,22.92579408543264,6.883109765328512,0.5959999999999996,1518,56,348,19,44,502,174,415,0.206,0.644,0.15,-0.9888,0,0,3,0,1,0,47.0,0,0,1,2,18,27,5,2,14,0,49,14,2,2,6,70,88,31,2,12,13,0,4,2,2,1,8,3,0,0,23,24,1,2,13,4,1,4,18,15,0,0,3,8,54,12,42,77,13,37,0,5,1,4,9,14,4,3,20,239,77,1,0.07827615946378083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365340916659085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513203524626095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525783351316014,0.05473251070843597,0.0,0.12882921935532626,0.06968237743228574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980776140588228,0.0,0.0,0.06742798033321568,0.0,0.0,0.08779336879556762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674191414469744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815509878841932,0.0,0.06538968705458799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051700665085785184,0.0,0.0,0.07479622481876226,0.0,0.0,0.07379179674266119,0.1761648829289464,0.11873633448096485,0.11184100792248247,0.0,0.0,0.21462897497310093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095193325861625,0.14473009619807178,0.12268818777145805,0.0750896247585929,0.04448614529806938,0.1313086575419759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012006387493798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822292065366738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379624765201471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957544710368506,0.0,0.0,0.1290555904286206,0.06380551734281463,0.0,0.0,0.0850472762903494,0.08004267642377573,0.2211550653212887,0.07648355526493225,0.0,0.06911928289223956,0.13854387583671451,0.06573225959505327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706472900213692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727784642457926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301679351048837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734568730842947,0.0,0.3004323445007713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329135254905258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280049925367288,0.0,0.0,0.08592371720170666,0.0,0.0,0.0749669232373139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050145712128113695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606987056618684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483424645178825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251144206121262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046860699480066,0.0,0.0,0.13693037419059095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053144374093853815,0.0,0.0,0.08148824255882657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155237622538828,0.0,0.06278841357669153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063205883829864,0.0,0.0,0.15091084886364065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040728030997745
suicidewatch,kingtord,2019/03/23,"I've been in an endless cycle of misery, recovery, misery, recovery, for years, and it just isn't worth it anymore. I was abused for my entire childhood.  Sexually by my stepdad and emotionally by my guardians.   I have been to the psychiatric ward 4 times before. 
 I have some good days, some good months.  Sometimes, rarely, I feel like I really can do this.  Sometimes, like now, I feel like death is the only option.  I have nothing else for me in this life.  Currently, I'm falling behind severely in my college classes and I really don't have any friends.   

I moved out at 17; I'm now 18 and I live with my girlfriend, who is the literal light of my life, but I feel like a burden even to her.   I don't want her to have to listen to me whine and cry about my problems.   She's mentally ill herself and has bigger fish to fry.

I'm tired.  I'm tired of feeling like it isn't worth it.  I am tired of spending day after day yearning for something more, something good, something inspiring.  It will never come.  It never has, not after eighteen years.  I am so jaded, so pessimistic, and so alone.

I was a hopeful soul, but this world has really taken its toll on me.  If I go, the world will keep spinning. I sound like a broken record.  I don't matter.  I'm not any different.  

I think I'm ready to go.
",1.46069784069784,3.7034245135135135,3.231419991419993,88.9803718003718,81.85714285714286,5.999199199199199,23.49220649220649,7.2427474758485975,1.0146343772343778,995,36,203,14,27,331,134,259,0.275,0.645,0.08,-0.994,2,1,3,0,1,0,45.0,0,0,0,0,8,16,0,0,8,0,25,6,0,0,2,33,44,13,1,5,6,0,4,6,2,2,6,2,0,0,11,10,0,1,6,0,3,5,9,4,0,0,5,7,33,12,28,37,3,29,1,2,0,0,8,9,0,5,21,129,44,2,0.0,0.12830436511804108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215440279663412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728001641801716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073932614867579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214568137194733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932810996983956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189500179107128,0.2095116987713408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313861090197876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046128754328384,0.12181017722359297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152364449458055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901601876661592,0.3094457867143594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366355694812938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308589206556235,0.2724821931838678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755508205340104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625194445639093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529749786000782,0.3174262424307577,0.0,0.09562087855353567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912950845529816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643498235872235,0.11509371752740614,0.0,0.0,0.16703779443609273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039058983433394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235841235075228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361763140543448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811748250593964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233537268017143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500977234079201,0.2142005248951584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938700650777413,0.0,0.0,0.0631439936531265,0.3733856848817294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387146256282154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946870473899411
suicidewatch,ineedhelp168,2019/03/23,"The urges to kill myself are getting worse. At this point, i will be dead in less than a week. I need help but i dont want to tell my parents. I told three of my friends about my suicide thoughts and only one seemed to worry. The other two think i am joking. I dont want their help though. I realized that there's only one person on earth that can help me, but i fear that if i express my feelings to that person, she might think i am a freak. If that happens.. i swear i will stab myself in the neck. It's fucking horrible to know that your life depends on the decisions of another person. ",2.2580487804878047,3.687805414634148,3.5013089430894304,91.86757317073172,76.15447154471545,6.220813008130082,23.68211382113821,6.742157984588678,0.6019665040650417,458,14,101,4,10,149,77,123,0.28,0.613,0.108,-0.9769,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,1,0,3,6,2,1,6,0,10,3,1,1,0,18,23,6,3,5,4,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,4,0,4,2,1,22,2,14,17,1,7,0,0,0,1,14,6,1,5,1,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589794954658352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553787155897865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060682484183068,0.07666011024200724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713586129453772,0.14016381563041075,0.07921155761684609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407091363308046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048690815217242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773736926125146,0.0,0.08332256366892853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708877633509628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083747991387085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241915065305606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547384406691774,0.23061710301265784,0.0,0.0,0.1683483425823339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971479847177917,0.0,0.0,0.14332333174808154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802282058979634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584006176634672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325164826104738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942950327817623,0.1489590454303907,0.12036382117597218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487276027233678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810391323591202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885060239732506,0.0,0.12161483831593857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397040511871904,0.15450664396328076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anais03x,2019/03/23,"Suicidal dreams. Am I the only one who has had them? I've been depressed for a long time, however recently I've been having suicidal thoughts (again). I'm trying to get help but my dreams are making the situation worse.

It's the same death and the dreams tend to start with me either falling out with my friends or going to my schools matrons office where I ask to talk to her about the way I've been feeling, she reluctantly says yes but soon after she tells me that she doesn't want to help me, I then leave .. etc. 

It hurts and I find it scary to think that my brain comes up with this in my sleep, it's always so vivid and dark. Especially as I'm scared to get help (Before this I was planing to go to my schools matron to get help) and I'm insecure about the relationship I have with my ""close"" friends.. ",4.139272727272727,4.783957230303031,4.7775757575757565,87.52636363636366,70.63636363636363,8.181818181818182,26.51515151515152,8.296473431620573,1.4074242424242431,633,19,140,9,11,203,99,165,0.203,0.6559999999999999,0.14,-0.9068,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,7,1,11,2,2,1,0,22,28,10,3,1,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,9,11,0,0,4,3,0,4,1,4,0,1,6,3,21,2,23,22,3,18,0,2,1,0,17,5,0,1,8,87,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282656388015332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799904085087272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560853001030406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478589633518315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715627728189074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713960883261782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462848359299825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463800732814098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491640176446448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280922176106929,0.0,0.23136646161408456,0.0,0.16778472671936903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957698585597765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802369949337935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563017732203295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063362868458145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853340361479784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000269777253998,0.1122669989014792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457508870966929,0.1584820520630547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173884731974373,0.14778723404190727,0.29878623175723384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592417322619987,0.14772047369619307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448185604837536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229312273707954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864643616765007,0.12902102761078724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458500669256838,0.0,0.1171889231389662,0.08607483393317031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002201272358402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870664843178058,0.11716901813433685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043114323697676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,impaledsushi,2019/03/23,"Anxiety and depressed thoughts are becoming too much My life has been rapidly in decline for some years now. I just can't enjoy most things anymore and I'm really suffering from this constant anxious feeling. I can't go to large crowded places anymore because I become completely paranoid.

I barely have any friends left and I have no one to really talk to about my feelings, you know... It sucks. I never imagined I could feel this terrible and that my life would become so shitty. I can't focus on college anymore and whenever I come up with something to do, I lose interest quickly afterwards. I just can't make plans like this, like what to do with my life.

I don't really fit in this world and I'm stuck and it's becoming too much for me. I honestly don't really see the point in continuing to live for much longer. I fear for the future.",2.908795454545455,5.277155951515155,4.236723484848486,83.05508522727277,77.36363636363636,7.761363636363638,28.494318181818183,8.660442795831766,2.4892500000000006,672,30,125,15,16,221,98,165,0.244,0.6970000000000001,0.059,-0.9824,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,8,12,1,1,2,0,15,3,0,1,1,24,28,8,0,2,2,0,3,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,3,4,20,6,19,23,5,20,0,3,1,0,4,10,1,2,10,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266289893672747,0.0,0.0929907391764291,0.1373247612839185,0.3616555132192156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409999256694616,0.5370004338182558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471055482761316,0.12745015640530008,0.13135988631663148,0.0,0.09705333876305204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046968287056411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367853711580373,0.18438854908982485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391460322847063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908361978636929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680452442544435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207198914947976,0.0,0.2575778201974597,0.1187731779507911,0.0,0.10733701981235057,0.0,0.0,0.13599114150675226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114021251727863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680750491404609,0.0,0.09375221877280727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237013979370075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270011476952538,0.0,0.11491061478310248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31148999647993114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686515647531906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358048402030388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770287731758684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075704072076406,0.0,0.0,0.0965026455935672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635057441595162,0.0,0.0,0.07827869472769419
suicidewatch,MarthOfAltea,2019/03/23,"God Doesn't Love Me If he did love me, I would not be feeling this way right now. So alone and feeling like everything is my fault. Feeling like my anxiety and panic attacks and depression are all my fault.

""You can control it,"" says my boyfriend as he plays on his phone and laughs at memes while I'm crying on the other side of the room. ""You just choose not to.""

Where is God? Why isn't he helping me? I'm starting to lose my faith. He isn't there for me. He never was. If he was, I would not feel like I want to die and I would not feel so much hatred for myself and that I am such a problem in people's lives.",0.8761363636363626,2.4898207045454583,2.3772727272727288,97.61090909090912,80.5909090909091,5.3090909090909095,20.090909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.2410272727272722,471,12,114,3,12,153,81,132,0.279,0.5670000000000001,0.155,-0.9604,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,0,2,7,15,1,1,3,0,15,2,0,1,2,27,26,12,1,7,7,0,5,3,0,3,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,1,6,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,6,18,8,11,19,2,13,1,2,0,2,14,8,0,2,7,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580240932915027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246652827038255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212268528278192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955178620960854,0.0,0.0,0.17584864318793952,0.0,0.0,0.13788316176487414,0.0,0.16614558971747215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387635650849248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047253461265044,0.3430997070642973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073033021151215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23463205396738146,0.0,0.141360228854271,0.0,0.0,0.17909700603906747,0.0,0.0,0.2889705062746267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176827602221638,0.0,0.12346937826752298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782823287083955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109845418389154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318215342069885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671388261374756,0.0,0.1273080355353534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331078325070705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442377754438236,0.12707003607756492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445410287888355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34116478124163896,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clancycats,2019/03/23,"Still fighting. Gotta make it through the weekend, but now I am staring to hurt physically from constant crying and panic attacks. I took today off because I couldn't sleep. I'm awake now and running on less than 3 hours. I am home alone and I am dreading every moment of it. I don't want to go out because I don't want to risk the chance of running into a coworker since I work really close by. My thoughts are still the same, just not as intense as last night. I want to tell my parents that I am hurting, but I can't do that to my mom, and my dad would just call me stupid. (Ironic for a psychologist.) Thing is, I have no control over these thoughts and I want them to go away. 

I am caught in an unending circle of thoughts.

""I need help. But its the weekend, my doctors office is closed. I should go to the hospital. But that's too expensive, it will be another hit to my already horrid credit. But they can help you. But i've been to that hospital before; I didn't like I had to go there twice to get them to take me seriously. But they still got you treatment in the end with a diagnosis, you are persistent when you needed help and even tried looking into your seizures. What about my work; I just started this job, just called in... I can't take more time off. You can't get fired for a medical issue. But I am an at will hire, they can just fire me for something else, just like my last two jobs."" And so I am stuck. ",2.1044897959183686,3.7227123333333374,3.4453795918367334,91.30676326530615,77.02721088435375,6.472707482993197,24.68517006802721,7.24861992348623,0.8982788027210891,1102,38,245,13,25,360,160,294,0.197,0.731,0.07200000000000001,-0.9882,3,1,1,0,2,0,42.0,0,6,5,4,17,12,3,3,12,0,29,3,1,2,0,43,56,19,0,9,15,3,2,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,13,0,1,3,2,2,8,9,9,0,2,10,4,44,3,38,38,3,40,0,2,2,0,21,14,0,0,20,173,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248651169522847,0.1198530971166633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388635301069434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355879296879607,0.10204204134816704,0.0,0.0,0.13241447978029258,0.0,0.09241854092973173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180453969382732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173681022633062,0.12181459956514255,0.0,0.0,0.1193022498200364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116625209379503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907291593148977,0.0,0.09619563000050206,0.0,0.0,0.0717354385767052,0.0,0.09150804535639713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348778516180072,0.0,0.246900742050334,0.0,0.08686480337364216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839563484896507,0.0,0.10894401410757266,0.0,0.10695831300866956,0.0,0.2325370695493128,0.0,0.0,0.11335992361079646,0.21555600395509006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770622007514108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612206577481904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120448378884473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249757157553671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941247435087036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272019354030043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106488498936958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019224994191431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274296483326505,0.1205978086414118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957791831657653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984276065325444,0.0,0.10868776701177103,0.0,0.0,0.08361276890777969,0.0,0.0,0.07687424324469844,0.0,0.260206655265426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332140010478027,0.0,0.0949293421399441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721552132813971,0.0,0.0,0.2586710302733727,0.06333097411632789,0.0,0.102948946102468,0.0,0.12066896260999554,0.07373860620905773,0.0,0.1060955344941012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562423887572889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813777249119684,0.0,0.0,0.07715295234130752,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway63729199363,2019/03/23,"(Question) Would it work if I saved up enough money to hire an Aftermath suicide forensic clean up crew before my suicide, and scheduled them to come after a day after my suicide? I have literally no clue how it works. My parents are already tens of thousands of dollars in debt even though my dad has a really high paying job, so I don’t want to burden them any more than my actual suicide does. ",7.402012987012987,6.639768649350652,7.701915584415584,74.13001623376627,63.805194805194795,9.777922077922078,36.133116883116884,8.841846274778883,3.160353246753246,314,13,56,4,4,103,60,77,0.273,0.6509999999999999,0.076,-0.9662,4,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,7,5,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,10,1,11,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,42,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.1652686013494039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868903386358991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516898518981628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411085592373815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588658870274365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922165056620224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820598948495833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499168763343578,0.0,0.11185910694277112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893561780193273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680612998050222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880515884691915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897192872374953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849482431904574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7409989684154568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639299609581634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998915087715813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465887203835767,0.0,0.0,0.1203067900347286,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsMythi,2019/03/23,When I turn 30 (19 now ) and my life still hasn’t gotn any better and I’m not happy with myself I’m just gonna end it. So I don’t have too be depressed the rest of my life. I wish I was born into a family like my ex. Life would be way better. ,-1.7358045977011507,-0.30961343103448336,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,88.48275862068968,4.55632183908046,11.390804597701148,5.46131890053228,-1.5768367816091955,183,1,51,1,6,66,44,58,0.106,0.708,0.18600000000000005,0.5722,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,0,0,8,12,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,3,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692372479823502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440203074464688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434771089003965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204211924575199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234608486177368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649222247953956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273437296806766,0.12158323763781625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874451413468106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706944788183265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753805328591967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286183337385346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767870926839447,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,baretired,2019/03/23,"I’m at a loss I kind of came on here hoping to find a subreddit of how to you know, kill yourself. As much as I really see no other option, I feel like I don’t know enough about it, and I’m scared to go through with it. What if I suck at that too, and mess it up. But instead I found a whole bunch of people who feel the same way. Different ages, stories, and paths, yet we all share this one stupid thing. What am I supposed to do? The common thing I’ve read is to just keep pushing. Towards what? A sliver of improvement? Every time I swear I have gotten past this thing, I just end up right back here. I’ve isolated myself hoping it’ll force me to not be so needy and just fix myself, but idek if it was such a good idea? The first 15 posts I’ve seen were on how investing the feeling of loneliness is. I feel like I feel too much, and I’m too aware of where I fall short. I just feel like a burden to people, and to everyone else, just insignificant. I feel like I do everything to fight this feeling too. Everything they say “should help”. I’ve been belligerently positive for a while, yet I’m still back here. Is this what I should expect for the rest of my life ? ",2.3578582169710027,3.5521236816326542,3.6471106337271766,91.8815359828142,75.44897959183673,7.280343716433943,21.46616541353384,7.85451343220497,0.6165918367346936,902,21,210,13,19,295,135,245,0.13,0.728,0.141,0.6920000000000001,2,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,1,1,1,2,25,17,4,1,12,0,15,1,0,2,1,43,39,16,1,7,10,0,8,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,19,9,0,1,13,1,1,4,3,8,0,2,7,11,24,9,30,28,8,28,0,1,2,0,8,10,1,5,16,145,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075558193707802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442966683731775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279991627611984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818609622288524,0.0,0.10410185054915948,0.12144592195872067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902899811236376,0.1123105134458396,0.2112672335577426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754371395097116,0.3358704548126706,0.0,0.0,0.10742561066413864,0.09997590893744106,0.0,0.12887196061405914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679831544651846,0.09858346984862754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878178298230079,0.0,0.0,0.23347918037763085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268363491932395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044712377713294,0.13003597108505394,0.12239547022893722,0.12918922632093893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301902601891623,0.2296882598762673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280470393416006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964531387220487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220124019364222,0.16296907769274224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256682620866124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756762743675055,0.0,0.07529645633669711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003749485657831,0.0,0.093469202063222,0.1176738606847242,0.0,0.09366083158386257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386425813797937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342567296245221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853608217500362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932944635298889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122454622525684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FeltingMaiden,2019/03/23,"I hope to ask my mom for help in about an hour My mom has never really known about my suicidal tendency but hopefully she knows soon. On the other had, I hope she doesnt pick up",0.5486842105263143,2.5926215000000035,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,84.0,8.010526315789475,17.394736842105264,8.841846274778883,1.0205052631578946,139,3,32,4,4,48,31,38,0.063,0.6829999999999999,0.255,0.8151,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,8,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,7,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135640404760136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531210100655416,0.0,0.0,0.6806884772472601,0.22497104762354805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554669414052344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351010475462008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761898798995422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463468966070651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24988035166024536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xynoir,2019/03/23,"Goodbye Ive cried for help
No answer
from people who i call friends
family
i cant handle this anymore
ive tried everything
ive tried to save myself
i cant anymore
i cant even find a way to kill myself
im going crazy
i need to get out there is too much pain
please save me from myself
i need
help
please
someone
hear me
im running out of time",-1.5225757575757584,0.43493577922077975,1.1644480519480531,98.14286255411258,100.2987012987013,3.6056277056277057,15.507575757575758,5.46131890053228,-0.7958995670995668,273,7,63,2,12,93,47,77,0.179,0.59,0.23,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,14,3,9,12,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505926069886844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804895404795334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941602122113112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674690123727552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885856953711813,0.0,0.1666315818595768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155348422349833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656268621661932,0.0,0.09234868782292764,0.0,0.10045556673058648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921895757680616,0.0,0.2369541388770331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381857646927218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955563861662037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993736706815426,0.2621274309285855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808282821562586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254164607109615,0.0,0.0,0.3880541075996835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976636342247215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306893116034224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400139720971541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030216397035636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ddwilldo,2019/03/23,"Let's talk. Is there anyone contemplating suicide that will wants to talk? I am doing research on prevention and I am interested in just talking to you and maybe looking at recent activity on your social media cites, so that I can learn more about you and how I might help.",7.0730128205128215,7.255456173076923,7.508461538461539,72.10320512820513,64.19230769230771,10.01025641025641,32.717948717948715,9.725611199111238,3.0544794871794867,219,8,39,4,3,72,41,52,0.083,0.816,0.1,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,10,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,7,7,1,5,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,1,32,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855780863450941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789608576791596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139567552077226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287424400775346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663605767542803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815538851493662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620564628752486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705480521650418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903111496694056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6399700066502133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654336909915928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Curlybrac,2019/03/23,"I turned 24 a couple of months ago. I am still a virgin and have never done anything with a girl. I never held a girl's hand or been on a single date. Never even had my first kiss. I do not think of myself as attractive and I'm extremely shy and insecure. 

The closest thing I got was when a girl asked me out in ninth grade but at the time, I was too shy and nervous and didn't feel committed to being in a relationship at age 14. I still think about that girl to this day. I was really attracted to her and wanted to be with her. If I was opened to being in a relationship, I would have said yes to her in a heartbeat. Since then for the next ten years, I have amounted to absolutely nothing when it comes to being in a relationship. 

I get absolutely embarrassed when people asked me if I ever been in a relationship or if I had my first kiss or if I lost my virginity. I lied to them by saying that I was with a girl in high school and had my first kiss. I tell them that I'm still a virgin but I get so embarrassed about it. 

I don't see any way that I can be in a relationship and I feel that I could go through my whole entire life without being in one. 

Even if I get a girlfriend now, I missed out on the adolescent years and early 20's years of dating that seemingly the majority of the world's population have experienced.

I have a younger cousin who is almost 15 years old right now. He is very close to me and I have been hanging out with him and taking care of him since he was a toddler. My cousin has a really good social life and had his first kiss already. He have some condoms in his bedroom and multiple girls interested in him. He could get a girlfriend and lose his virginity before me even though I am almost a decade older than him. I feel so embarrassed thinking about that and don't think I can handle living with the thought of that. 

I feel so depressed coming in terms with the fact that I am in my mid twenties and didn't even experienced something as simple as being kissed. Just watching any movies or tv shows, you see teenagers kissing, having sex, etc. This is true for many teenagers in reality as well. I can't get over the fact that I haven't had these experiences in my early 20's at least let alone during adolescence. No matter what happens, I can never go back to being in my teens or early 20's. I have to live with the fact that it never happened for me during those years for the rest of my life.

All I wanted was to be a normal person experiencing human things like love and dating and sex. It's frustrating for me that I haven't experience it when almost everyone on this planet has. 

I was abused by my parents and blamed my insecurity and depression on them but I don't know how to get past it. 
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suicidewatch,Jupiter0000000,2019/03/23,"I simply don't wanna live anymore I am depressed. I don't see the point in living. After I ended school I felt like I already did everything I could in life, so I just waited for life to end by itself. But that didn't happen. I feel like a dog that doesn't want to have a walk but the owner (time) keep pulling me by the collar. I don't have a partner, I don't have friends, I don't tolerate my family anymore, I don't have hobbies, I don't wanna have a job (as I said, I don't have interests, so any kind of job would just get me frustrated) and at the same time I don't wanna live as a homeless person. Why this f*cking life have to keep going if I don't wanna live?",1.228061224489796,2.423384816326532,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,78.38775510204081,6.260544217687075,21.773809523809533,6.816661863887847,0.4194585034013607,516,14,119,5,12,180,74,147,0.07400000000000001,0.897,0.03,-0.6372,2,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,9,0,23,3,0,0,0,19,34,8,0,8,5,0,2,2,2,1,3,1,0,2,4,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,12,2,0,0,4,4,21,5,17,28,1,12,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,1,7,83,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790177150386084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730511976439182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28381078234533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424456283708866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232419572407236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25346796625912826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859876108010654,0.0,0.13489114906673652,0.0,0.07234986950272627,0.10222248771131884,0.13738744593827334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105498577029877,0.0,0.07475786088220529,0.0,0.08132051964709981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653273097107245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839866111233749,0.2543673530372846,0.0,0.1490047043093072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30320302052495424,0.13981167432980288,0.0,0.505399239675257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493940145617775,0.0,0.0,0.13526492873457333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610997666790328,0.0,0.0,0.14481325031768916,0.11402304749851565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668721667542626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439733326159406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911515911279114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016459995154489,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobodeacul,2019/03/23,"Slowly loosing sanity(long story,im sorry) So,the thing is that i am at a top law school ,but i hate that place. I never wanted there ,but Somehow i managed to pass the exam,but not how i wanted. This school has two programmes;one for the students(IF) and one for the ppl with jobs(ID),meaning that you don t get classes and basically you don t have a schedule. My score wasnt high enough for the IF programme and i went to ID forced by my family. I rejected this thing ,but i could not do too much,they forced me. 

Now,i go to classes like a regular student ,but i don t get graded for my work,i can t answer to questions bc they belong to the IF and i would steal their chance to get graded. The other IF students are always mocking me ,they are mean to me ,they just threw me out of the classroom. I usually don t get a seat so i Stay about 3hrs on the floor or just a place to stay in a corner. Sometimes ,i feel so bad when i am not going to school ,i feel like im wasting my family s money,but it s pointless. At this rate,im not learning too much bc i just cant ,i read all alone law books,without a teacher to guide me and it s freakin hard.
   At this point ,i have two options. I start year 1 at a different law school ( i can t transfer to year 2) ,but it would make me even mader or i start something else,other university,but i m not too good at something else.

No one understands my pain,i wasted a year in my life and i feel tired ,depresed,sad,mad,anxious,inferior and i just hate all. Bc of the stress,i have an illness that turns my skin into a scratchy,iching thing. Im always moody and sad ,i feel like i don t deserve nothing,im not a human  anymore. All this time ,all the mockery lead to self impression of humilty and looser. I can t have my own choices Bc my father forces me to do want he wants ,like this university thing. He is very manipulative and bad ,he has no remorse and never said something nice to no one,he only lives to make money  

Sometimes i hear voices that mock me ,calling me names. I can t sleep,i can t eat,i can t be happy. I am tired and i had enough ,i want to be treated like a human being,but im not getting that from my family or others. I don t like the idea of killing myself ,Bc i know i will hurt ppl,but i just don t see the light ,the point of living,the point of all. I just want to end all. 

Is there a point of living a life that you don t like ? ",1.0438848560700895,2.755279894117649,3.1026992073425106,92.1446996245307,80.45098039215686,5.673758865248227,21.63537755527743,6.56484139541529,0.2964939507717981,1846,55,419,17,47,625,215,510,0.208,0.7190000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9976,2,2,3,0,0,1,78.0,0,3,4,2,18,24,5,0,28,0,31,6,1,5,8,78,63,27,1,12,24,1,6,7,0,3,5,3,0,3,22,15,0,0,11,1,1,6,14,12,0,4,5,11,64,12,42,52,10,40,0,3,1,0,19,20,0,9,19,253,86,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813209642745206,0.0,0.0,0.10947465268337116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431688101489196,0.06523977538841616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098533197900837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717253499428899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252294896795418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872998790443323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731317030096408,0.05495385836101525,0.0,0.058264851850426076,0.13594433938370365,0.0,0.043449527811972886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860451148672306,0.0,0.13304890523844468,0.0939918079619262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718463975247834,0.0,0.07477281014349556,0.05517626473814499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002799507385749,0.05892929347148964,0.12989561201557304,0.0,0.0,0.07414303545679005,0.0,0.0,0.0695041138332641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042283473247289,0.07426181466293683,0.4263462483682929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727799414758639,0.0,0.03615301309512334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292997629229706,0.2249702251692261,0.0,0.1161764630836712,0.058216523678734276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782229020886419,0.0,0.0,0.14331551634580555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671720935475596,0.0,0.10147292334287507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373025711449765,0.050031484738659884,0.06999851806687714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745997580886646,0.0,0.2487475210250803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369282370107406,0.0,0.06580152378533934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257538372965686,0.0,0.0,0.2663065538502923,0.05242110920827931,0.0,0.06862676870896135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583122999310276,0.0,0.0,0.15193056877501407,0.13012356584369206,0.0736394907355727,0.09312411371998074,0.14023338922098172,0.0,0.0,0.07535503103437989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481512671852373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03835901718624593,0.1512174220101486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155379902101612,0.128522274852991,0.06848317435633926,0.0,0.0,0.07245147568202366,0.05427845989385378,0.23280566100556965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060982169145231725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341316029445049,0.0,0.04789133293325217,0.0,0.0,0.0934617370449324,0.0,0.0,0.1270876800590591
suicidewatch,lacechou,2019/03/23,"I haven’t eaten in 3 days and I have no appetite Like I just don’t care to eat anymore. At all. Food makes me happy, so I’m taking it away. I used to be obese. Now I’ve been underweight for 3 years.

Maybe I thought if I would be slim that someone would want to be with me. Like yeah congrats guys want to fuck you but not want you to be only theirs. Because I’m some sort of basic thot or whatever, or at least I’ve been told. I put a photo on my Facebook and I felt pretty for the first time in months. But no I’m a fucking whore and everyone knows. 

What’s the point of even trying sometimes? I get out of bed. Go to work. Can’t wait to get home and wait for 5pm so that I can have my meal of the day and liquor, maybe some sleeping pills if I really want to pass out. I know it’s because of the liquor that my sleeping is messed up. 

Pass out 6-7pm. Wake up 12am. Don’t go back to bed. Go to work. Go home. Drink. Repeat. There’s nobody who wants me anyway so who cares.

The only thing keeping me here is my family, the residents who I take care of at work and the slim hope that one day maybe I’ll get better and someone will actually want me before I off myself. ",-0.8639826785490143,1.1297050116731526,1.4175448725994748,99.6654587674156,90.32295719844359,4.405623195682188,15.68331868959458,5.843745405466311,-0.8276129283293585,896,19,222,7,31,300,138,257,0.063,0.785,0.152,0.9515,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,1,5,10,12,2,0,9,1,18,15,3,2,1,41,53,16,0,11,8,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,4,1,11,11,8,3,4,3,0,7,7,4,0,2,6,1,27,8,33,40,4,31,0,0,0,3,8,14,2,8,12,130,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.09875822772342488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036485920002122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508229677707153,0.07781783452387694,0.0,0.12338319282631123,0.0,0.0861151641057652,0.0,0.0,0.08950464971317824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095455303731769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958001075378056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913910502747823,0.0,0.10355456957570808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684274608846003,0.0,0.0,0.09670252898372303,0.0,0.0,0.09540392420284556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716947012018426,0.0,0.0,0.08608208559530083,0.12237345651260245,0.0,0.0,0.18711861937315705,0.1586210809793943,0.0,0.230060956444505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020556046978618,0.0,0.10773105553786784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030270454139197,0.10051608934390513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995269087981933,0.0,0.0,0.11123557821423292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988840444515323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755289805152441,0.0,0.3050120284658124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077820446359346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685768681563259,0.15393685497743756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956682858555232,0.0,0.0,0.10295847721041736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173562664769112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483237880291977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202549505723624,0.0,0.1714956867676422,0.0,0.1000910356201634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521821166025556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723389019459211,0.0,0.0,0.08034281864983313,0.0590115054202401,0.0,0.0,0.09670252898372303,0.0,0.06870928831749774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740574650112119,0.0,0.0,0.3581481887189421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102805496172712,0.0,0.0,0.14378152014253545,0.0,0.0,0.06517055502436933
suicidewatch,ok1828375819104,2019/03/23,Just Scared Myself About 5 minutes ago my parents left the house and I stood up with a belt next to me looking at the ceiling to find a good spot. It really scared me when I realized what I was doing. I just walked into another room and sat down,1.4941176470588218,3.5496831176470636,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764708,80.56862745098039,6.432941176470589,21.964705882352945,7.554174236665415,0.8657341176470591,193,6,41,3,5,64,41,51,0.122,0.82,0.058,-0.4927,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,8,1,8,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24193077273660976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861847455684885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494477091362509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22891581030269195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31491780095154404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29653286432874604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291875303563794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902579070616169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030499464577531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484218542624416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464893295286003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1213521345,2019/03/23,"Does anybody else feel like dying cause nostalgia? Whenever I think of high school, those memories kill me. I feel like stabbing myself, same goes for when I think of the future.. thinking I'll be old someday, I'd rather die before",5.8910852713178326,7.295259813953493,5.641860465116278,80.14248062015506,67.13953488372093,8.524031007751939,30.6124031007752,8.841846274778883,2.54944031007752,184,7,32,3,3,57,35,43,0.181,0.7140000000000001,0.105,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,3,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,3,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,14,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156477276267056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312653631860927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672883634726437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19700838299633036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880630294771844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276599035447825,0.321658654706898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378568966484712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906743015578656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199693828829786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362307915053585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278384938765457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327529821182805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwitallaway1427,2019/03/23,"I’ve been fantasizing about suicide for years now and it’s getting worse I’ve started to see a therapist so we’ll see if that does anything. I just can’t stop thinking about it though. Part of the reason I feel this way is because I’m so lonely. I’m 28 and never had any kind of relationship and have only a few friends whom sometimes make things worse cause I get jealous of them. I feel extremely inadequate about my height, 5’8 and penis size, 6x5. That might all sound trivial to you all but I can’t stop thinking about how my body is kind of a joke, that no woman would ever love me or be serious with me because of it, even if I did manage to find the one that would still be a limitation. 
  I just hate my self for everything and am considering buying a gun soon just to have around. I keep thinking how easy it would be to just pull a trigger an all these feelings will be gone. I don’t wanna hurt my family and all that but waking up with myself everyday isn’t something I can do much longer, it’s becoming to much to bear ",4.198973843058352,4.7525135821596285,5.245918846411804,84.55024647887326,70.45539906103286,8.33923541247485,27.89034205231389,8.418075326091056,1.7317863179074444,815,27,174,12,14,269,127,213,0.174,0.762,0.064,-0.9593,0,2,1,1,0,1,13.0,1,1,1,1,19,10,2,0,9,0,24,3,2,6,6,46,42,16,1,6,9,0,3,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,14,9,0,4,8,1,1,2,6,5,0,1,4,6,20,5,23,28,8,16,0,2,2,1,9,3,0,4,10,125,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886831109405399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731612350973756,0.11609233775375136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899316249573145,0.1440273377173547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485584817644984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396674986402451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141224626220744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613441869237427,0.1179630969451181,0.0,0.0,0.1172038863247614,0.0,0.12293871860543072,0.0,0.19781728399840567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919216102393418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075425957928508,0.0,0.1362674376506996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875264237703052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960634874101455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115914189529172,0.0,0.2716034008266087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769990285589756,0.0,0.08704952960718991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383441503074163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917323622335196,0.0,0.10058004891305096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836903059864712,0.09918250142855092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122106524390918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408295632008255,0.0,0.14001128122198786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078393941772775,0.0,0.13604582436574938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039580698221494,0.1289785904075672,0.0,0.09230470163248576,0.0,0.10414540537593572,0.21805680285277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426471146170703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514157864464494,0.08663845199708096,0.2506839316949504,0.12812693025100053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351319998042324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657973799066862,0.2779180624878899,0.0,0.0,0.08397961187074217
suicidewatch,nightballer,2019/03/23,"I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore I gained a bunch of weight and I spend half my days fantasizing about just cutting myself open to get rid of the fat. I resent my sister and my friends for being pretty and skinny and I resent myself for letting it get to this point. I’m ugly inside and out. My own face and body make me wanna cry.  
I’m a drag to anyone that loves me because they thought they were getting cheerful and bubbly me and right now I’m so negative and a downer. I just don’t see a point in living when I hate my job and myself and I know nothing will ever get better.",1.2995333333333328,3.2318628400000016,3.2933000000000017,90.00448333333334,80.6,4.806666666666667,19.216666666666672,5.46131890053228,-0.1937333333333333,465,11,96,2,12,157,78,125,0.161,0.698,0.141,-0.1633,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,2,7,8,4,0,6,0,6,6,4,1,1,20,20,13,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,2,3,22,4,13,15,2,12,0,0,2,1,5,8,0,0,4,71,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329009683343698,0.1362797876974624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881025629442266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237469915266346,0.0,0.21649183118867815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409034572560914,0.1256954610330114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629972964038101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058055598700393,0.0,0.4073123381591592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924250602891156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934098454957449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711286727111702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993001747695734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210175591128893,0.0,0.16366832558089914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759063774143529,0.0,0.13009838612672206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870134203422604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684901744354583,0.0,0.0,0.1982850789454461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644497144618836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531140649487254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547301647257652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373377417757232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chaosandcolors,2019/03/23,"I really need some words :( I can actually see myself finally ending it all now. It's no more just spectating a wilting flower. Whatever I had left in me has died and I am of no use. People's life will be so much easier, so much better without me. I always mess things up. And it's not just what I think, it's what I am. I can't go on. Nobody can see this storm rising inside of me. I just wanna disappear. :( Please help me someone. I want to jump off and pay for all the things that I have done wrong. I have no energy :((",-0.3575259875259853,1.7107847927927935,2.7291891891891886,90.70359667359669,88.45945945945945,6.298267498267497,15.745668745668745,7.61054688173877,0.23064878724878746,396,8,90,8,13,141,75,111,0.188,0.6709999999999999,0.141,-0.6842,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,1,2,17,19,5,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,2,0,0,2,2,17,1,10,15,6,12,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,1,3,70,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.2059706010180774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562435873584856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667129737245236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905385675344624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159944609449964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694240159255812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312131952420617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995403968359385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147352457966414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293245298454052,0.0,0.14908261495815048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103165427850666,0.15650324454439754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632703745654702,0.0,0.0,0.23168779659186875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521469891973026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363855819868471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883608530553238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804466036175909,0.13524298508111554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822938154549268,0.0,0.0,0.12449257711564315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203460716049718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307682450063259,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prettyinblack-,2019/03/23,I can’t hold on much longer I hate my life and everything in it . The only people I talk to is on here .  I just want this way of life to end and I just don’t see a future in anything anymore . I have no family I can talk to or any friends that can understand . Just don’t think I can carry on to be honest . ,-0.6649068322981364,0.9675216811594218,2.277474120082818,96.2908695652174,85.81159420289855,5.681987577639752,17.10351966873706,6.868970318607317,-0.2418132505175983,232,5,59,3,7,82,46,69,0.09,0.7929999999999999,0.117,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,10,14,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,10,13,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293999029485574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522078697566031,0.0,0.0,0.20927602969069425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252437884617429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285580506655173,0.0,0.23974148602815976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647980871453247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510791568650527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35925432326631546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869476189559165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934147398817975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763070121615901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026526946940696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088105999770512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295202192244712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647463976653901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999903428013636,0.2018599890119605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strateup13,2019/03/23,"Long distance friend keeps threatening to kill herself. I never met this girl in real life. We met online and have been communicating over the phone for like 6 months. We have been intimate but we are not a couple or anything like that. 

Months ago when we were starting to get to know each other she would text me about wanting to commit suicide. She says she is depressed but I can’t really imagine that because she works and goes to school and from what she tells me it seems she is pretty busy and works kinda hard so I don’t get how a depressed person can manage all of that. 


She is usually always up very late, even up till 6 am. So I’m sure her mental health isn’t great. Recently I’ve been texting her less because she acts strange. And also I admit it’s because she tells me she’s
having sex with a guy at her college and it makes me feel kinda jealous. 

Usually she fucks the guy, then tells me about how it wasn’t that good and how she regrets it. She then usually tells me that she blocked his number and she hates him and won’t ever do it again. Then eventually she goes and has sex with him again anyway. She tells me all of this. This cycle has repeated at least 3 times.

Recently I’ve felt like such an idiot for feeding this girl attention, so I’ve been trying to ignore her or just give her one word answers to try and distance myself. I’ve noticed whenever I don’t give her attention she either A.) Tries to make me more jealous or B.) Tells me that she wants to kill herself. 

Just today I woke up to texts from her. I’ll try to post the screenshot in the comments.

Idk how to deal with this girl. She seems immature, and not very level headed. I can’t really take her seriously. She says one thing, and then does the opposite. I’ve never met her though so Idk what she is really like. 

How should I deal with this?
 
Ps I wouldn’t be able to report her to get her help or anything because she won’t even tell me her last name for some reason...

TL;DR : Girl I met online frequently tells me she wants to kill herself. Don’t know if she is serious, or is just trying to guilt me into giving her affection.



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suicidewatch,thesupergreenapple,2019/03/23,"It’s hard to imagine a future where I’m still alive No one really cares about me, if I don’t show up at school for a few weeks none of my friends would really care. My family treats my sibling as the golden child. It’s hard. I don’t know what to do.",-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,86.5,5.8761904761904775,14.690476190476188,7.1686216300943375,-0.4442880952380954,194,3,49,3,6,66,43,56,0.133,0.7020000000000001,0.165,0.5903,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,4,8,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.543693177588924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25135460351389083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599732335072612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776953979076702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465326237484211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806750786163525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416194250924582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698433319680017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293069728567507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387413637417726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894059772175156,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whycantibeenoughforu,2019/03/23,"First Post Its late. Im 17. I'm a relatively privileged person, I know I shouldn't be complaining about the bad things that happen to me, even though lately they have been getting worse. I almost feel as if I wasn't meant to be here, school sucks ass. I think that there has to be someone else going through what I am, but no, I just cant imagine anyone else having the same situation as me. I'm such a fucking loser guys. No one is gonna care in 100 years whether I existed or not. I know you guys are gonna tell me im loved and its not worth it or fair on the people that actually do care about me. I completely agree. But I don't know anymore, everyday I feel more disconnected from reality. I cant tell the difference between when i'm dreaming or awake. Then there's the academic pressure in my country. Honestly, what are we doing here.  I have so many terrible emotions that have resulted from liking one person for so many years, but its not only that and  I have no one to talk to about. I don't know what i'm saying im just going to post this. I now truly understand why suicide is the greatest killer, why can't I just be happy. Not the fake happy that people show on places like instagram when they reply to every comment that complements them for an ego boost. Fuck this. ",3.621607071112898,4.7201547404580175,4.965757332261955,84.02112695861796,72.20610687022902,8.263881076737645,26.38489353153877,8.6894789155246,1.7726229007633592,1010,33,210,18,19,337,145,262,0.187,0.644,0.16899999999999998,-0.6462,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,1,3,2,18,18,3,1,10,0,25,4,1,1,0,32,50,18,1,2,15,0,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,4,17,3,0,0,10,2,1,2,14,9,0,4,3,3,28,9,22,40,3,19,0,1,0,4,16,5,4,5,12,142,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.10239210150764254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506767965828503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040578500435289,0.07336631283498507,0.10750852092613812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760836628761627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395697417042994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001233587064008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962476084985023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530349602212747,0.11802700634872927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930226878621656,0.0,0.08840421528348598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610691826673588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924953241311515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940037717412552,0.05481921590836639,0.0,0.11926310013977515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077853796239984,0.0927852270881328,0.2233901808171553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400124672042192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23065712859226395,0.0,0.2367209510051104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252254774480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469931332517532,0.0,0.0,0.21275587101355714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330059703997384,0.07980053127704315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548418850560504,0.1832337079489274,0.10962476084985023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009791500998092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344092759776275,0.0,0.1061901550134821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794059968392395,0.0,0.0,0.08890299154016819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477140995258915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433510054557551,0.1834189325446593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970780529636288,0.06723199033344952,0.1030887198614575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092310916959734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935779330550545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692799547851416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513709670960086
suicidewatch,givingmyself,2019/03/23,"Giving myself 2 weeks Throwaway account & sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes before I even start 

I honestly don’t know who to turn to anymore and I don’t wanna live this life anymore not one little bit 
The only thing that’s kept me here so long is my 4 year old son but I can’t even pretend happy around him anymore which makes me even more angry with myself 
I live in a strict culture which stops me from doing anything shouldn’t even be on reddit 
I’m 20 year old soon to be 21 in May I’ve been divorced since I was 17 my ex cheated on me & eventually left me with a 6 month old baby to look after 
While we was married to him he was very emotionally an physically abusive to me he controlled every single part of my life from 15-17 and honestly now I’m under my family’s control I can’t handle that either 
When I was 18 I found out I had genital herpes (yay🥳) 
Now as I said I come from a strict culture I’m not even suppose to have sex outside of marriage so with having herpes I’m basically doomed to a life at home without ever getting married again 
There’s talk going around that I’ve got it an that I’m also a whore and it’s really worrying that it’s going to get back to my farther 
Sorry for talking so much shit but to get to the end of the story I don’t wanna be here anymore I’m giving my self 2 weeks to see if I have any kinda change of heart 
I’m just worried about my son but let’s face it he’s better off without me 

Apologies of this is in the wrong place I have no idea where else to put this ",3.016034095414298,3.7200244741641337,4.8731941324170736,85.60180124223605,73.25531914893618,6.937544601559401,25.85449980177085,6.8959733430537185,1.0485106647284268,1208,38,257,10,23,415,178,329,0.161,0.78,0.059,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,1,0,0,3,24,10,2,0,11,0,24,8,3,3,1,36,49,14,0,5,10,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,16,11,0,4,3,1,1,4,11,6,0,1,10,3,34,4,45,33,6,41,1,1,2,2,21,16,1,3,21,168,50,0,0.0,0.10549549367574516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120367214232383,0.0,0.19294531417341215,0.0,0.1210978132060905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35320716103682603,0.0,0.0,0.07327070363768197,0.15852542928256189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846474111878761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576479675869281,0.0,0.0,0.07874689277893335,0.09720645680848072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419041876533828,0.07669836995993932,0.0,0.0,0.1997274201788541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437984030506202,0.10015578791189572,0.07886125752195003,0.0,0.0,0.2940438611929695,0.08053998629259684,0.07501837173001988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393712074139116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762559281830148,0.0,0.0,0.13955607106882809,0.17082676335332894,0.10120471689353414,0.0,0.07121183808876343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947826275683723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551048198181276,0.0,0.0,0.08931239342127499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051308643528901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893296705204106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674006886706507,0.09104740759838928,0.18867055932903629,0.0,0.08923948681230247,0.15724440519904478,0.07879584552359574,0.07476951170433688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059433569505231834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106929780914813,0.0,0.06545318928562578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802912714341653,0.0,0.06033446643416272,0.06771742614758088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641949858490112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302577975356824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895078022102328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057040035333997034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469554618464586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095177386656565,0.0,0.09288607296127753,0.0,0.0913962476558548,0.07365316994464549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993415466872344,0.06302156858158264,0.0,0.0,0.0744397712826257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431307749823649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059152903890808614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968477974638314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346569102368253,0.0,0.0,0.14284185733887295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716589472191299,0.0,0.0,0.18084486191759488,0.0,0.0,0.09734909706036844,0.0,0.11467513085170987
suicidewatch,plzhelpanyone,2019/03/23,Please help me I can’t handle it anymore. I know I’m the problem. I’ve been sexually assisted since I was a little girl. My best friend I grew up in church w killed him self. My brother is an addict who destroyed my family. My two best friends killed them selves. My Ex was abusive and broke my emotional support dogs leg and I’m in $8000+ debt and she needs any other surgery. I am done being bullied for being raped and I kept being told I am straight up baggage and that’s why my friends left. My new boyfriend wishes I was happier and tells me he doesn’t have time for me. I’ve ruined my relationship w my parents and I am all alone. I’m ready to finally put an end to my misery. I’ve tried 5 different medications and countless doctors that made things worse. After my parents die and my brother dies from his addiction I’ll be more alone than ever. I’m ready to end it now. ,0.8405854800936758,3.1666463606557405,2.7036533957845457,91.19983606557379,85.39344262295081,5.6715066354410615,23.46838407494145,7.07126945348624,0.9084220140515225,696,27,148,10,21,231,116,183,0.234,0.589,0.177,-0.9471,4,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,2,13,4,0,4,0,16,6,1,1,2,17,27,9,4,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,7,0,1,8,0,29,6,12,15,4,17,1,2,0,1,20,7,0,0,8,84,36,1,0.0,0.14472220039369058,0.0,0.26631280020910475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530113755932825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830629886614716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113531052135013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563679011943889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253535062447275,0.12761583523799866,0.0,0.12502088445060114,0.0,0.12499704400455305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373970157751476,0.21636895220319888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048741164023906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151477128088733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380419948576833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831074541343161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187141605389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702713416137804,0.0,0.06712785936932887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132711219644235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242167360414433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557683081194775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304853366589336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056918802261794,0.0,0.1179686863659802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27125578878799345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407885359285476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168765505583588,0.0,0.1227897575235138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113833447292558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742418084892684,0.0,0.0,0.10103984965577954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860903247916942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676037098593502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114790606191127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122390337007127,0.0,0.0,0.11671506312082458,0.0,0.08292863699886806,0.0,0.11931820412116025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021712961638536,0.0,0.14046106038559664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447649005141866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peter97a,2019/03/23,"I think I'm done. I've suffered for years. Why should I continue to exist? Everything is hollow and empty. I'm on so many different medications and none of them will ever stop me from feeling this way, not permanently. Happiness is not something meant for someone who can't even figure out what they're feeling. I am completely alone. I have no friends, no acquaintances. I can't work. Life is empty and there's no other way of fixing this problem. I wish my parents had never had me.",2.133684719535782,4.819223180851066,3.810812379110253,82.96136363636364,83.14893617021276,6.822437137330756,25.56673114119923,8.00094639256281,1.97316170212766,385,16,70,8,11,128,68,94,0.246,0.6659999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9317,2,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,2,17,19,4,0,3,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,2,10,2,8,13,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,49,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867329525900564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137215443451835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205922571922842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606550650947293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945338426814707,0.19098466487014948,0.0,0.0,0.18975548735913395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135134838399828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312320546265688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475827467730394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913165167180972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405883786635027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269737987404536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284115483352654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344416216593473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202870633126307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889490862245322,0.16254286338198798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765192102190567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528746962101784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351799727180027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051746484274545,0.0,0.2427960628890244,0.0,0.0,0.15370957501669869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596470798423446
suicidewatch,Pixelpreacher,2019/03/23,"I feel like committing suicide to prove to myself that I'm not faking it. I am not diagnosed. I have spoken to professionals. They seemed conviced that I have depression, though I never truly believed it. Well, it's not that simple. My higher brain recognises the symptoms and understands the situation while my lower brain is convinced that I have exaggerated my own inherent character flaws to pretend that my failings can be pinned on the depression boogeyman. It's convinced my depression is an excuse.

It seems to not be important, at least on the outside. I still am incapable of the most basic adult functions and responsibilities that my peers seem to accomplish without thought. I failed highschool, have only had a fltwo jobs in the 3 years since with most of that time spent unemployed. I haven't had a romantic relationship and any government funded courses  I am mandated to take I cannot commit to. My life has been a string of expensive failures and I'm sick of it. And I don't even have the right to complain as this hole was dug by my own ineptitudes. In 8 or so months, the course I was forced to enter will finish and my family will once again taste the disappointment of an easy course that I should have been able to do. I'd rather avoid that.

When I think of my suicide, I often find myself feeling pre-emptive vindication. I rumimated on who I could be proving wrong, as everyone who knows about my condition has been very understanding. Recently, I have realised that I wish to prove myself wrong, with me showing myself that I really was depressed. I would show my lower brain that it was wrong and that I haven't been conning myseld and those who know.
Of course, this realisation means that my lower brain knows the trick and will probably just discount it. If I survive. Still thinking about the possibility of a gesture instead of a hard suicide. A gesture seems to be a pathetic attention grab, but a part still doesn't want to go.

Fuck dude, I just want to like the everyone else.

(Sorry about the length, I don't get to externalise often.)",6.541350649350653,7.584211862337661,6.844051948051948,73.42322077922078,65.44155844155844,10.211948051948053,33.32207792207792,10.264317810270406,3.521386493506493,1657,69,290,39,25,536,197,385,0.171,0.769,0.061,-0.9843,7,1,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,0,1,4,18,20,2,1,23,0,42,10,4,0,6,56,67,18,3,8,11,0,4,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,28,11,1,1,20,3,4,2,12,15,1,0,12,5,45,5,40,45,6,21,0,7,0,1,8,7,1,10,14,217,73,8,0.0905344201608172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061566510266908216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200128882159644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042654177195607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228436764559612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119086536925058,0.09189053072865654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562989092130498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059797130665767625,0.0,0.0,0.17301903646200392,0.0,0.0,0.0853477939705631,0.0,0.0915538461765318,0.06467780785252031,0.0,0.0,0.08274681985767453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369761258646467,0.04730049786363525,0.0,0.05145279734392375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110105769170223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984144231940976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926604892225664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394713838047639,0.08846108924074697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861852462986484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722637104236134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698257260979864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641620274743697,0.0,0.0688555061695194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980399545193257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206395568472794,0.0,0.0,0.09761141741605264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057998667821339576,0.0,0.08939181775497729,0.0972000856918068,0.0,0.07731590014567033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32967654351754017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489100791391153,0.10176448150426584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013458712078851,0.0,0.0,0.2169027146655201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970898839748085,0.0,0.0,0.09409992755744273,0.06807061681332667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602160163877626,0.08894960813964463,0.0718742168148231,0.05279134845429343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884990485104479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470037816417935,0.10679909335358663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140131647133954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411011517506168,0.08727195030671027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431305452283204,0.2969555283434292,0.0,0.05830119829600487
suicidewatch,userlll11,2019/03/23,Why is suicide becoming the only option left? Everyday gets harder to go through . Smiling and laughing and thinking all take so much effort. My family think I am lazy and think I just don’t try hard enough. I feel like I am a burden to everyone I know. I don’t have the courage to go through with anything though. But I know one day I will just snap. I feel nothing all the time and I hate it more than feeling all the emotions at once . I hate everything about me and just don’t see a future worth living for . Everyone thinks I am this happy person who is just Wasting their potential. I feel so embarrassed if I even mention how I feel to someone .And they just tell me I am being an overdramatise teenage girl. One day I know I will just have enough and do it . The worst thing is is that it’s a relief knowing it’s an option if everything gets too much . I don’t even care anymore . No one has to reply I just wanted to rant a little . ,1.9092708333333304,3.903568885416668,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,78.89583333333334,6.3500000000000005,24.20833333333333,7.3871296695380915,1.049820833333334,734,26,154,10,18,240,106,192,0.165,0.7040000000000001,0.13,-0.7957,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,1,15,11,2,1,11,0,19,0,0,1,3,38,42,14,1,3,10,0,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,13,0,1,2,5,5,0,3,0,7,25,6,13,39,9,10,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,4,6,113,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208887970109215,0.0,0.0,0.10031061876437564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462535631099853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428183557867273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722660729078092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711740927118626,0.0,0.251903804859794,0.0,0.16102327503765787,0.0,0.0,0.2329550898578568,0.21910583376149587,0.0,0.1149133842156648,0.0,0.30817323485052056,0.08708304501165037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737201588293826,0.0,0.13855343635928868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976133089306288,0.10919552303879998,0.24069556003327694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679650097118862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244114885738545,0.0,0.0,0.0595525828093709,0.12217254231135433,0.10763704181653608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792162376332446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169631956341529,0.0,0.0,0.1298160343166344,0.2478011276139883,0.09270795257521358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643551887978812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713590815477016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032826998969062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333523299406888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165116729748196,0.0,0.10654311085168404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098276796055041,0.3124259987559123,0.11976291384296657,0.0,0.07107896087254005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827598750636927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189784690075443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999283488833156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,officialkarlmarx,2019/03/23,"Not sure what to do.. TW: Sexual assault

I’ve had a history of being sexually abused in my past. I was severely emotionally abused by my best friend growing up to the point where it has effected me in every aspect of my life. 

I have been taken advantage of by a couple of my previous partners. However, with my current boyfriend, I’ve been more open than ever about where my boundaries are. This includes oral sex being completely off limits. He has been really supportive and always asked for my consent. 

Fast forward, I have been put on cipralex. It has been making my brain cloudy, but overall works pretty well. Another side effect is the libido. Whenever we kiss, I keep my eyes open and drift off into a day dream. We agreed that sex is a big part of our relationship, and I have said I want to have sex, mostly for him, so we can try to work around it. 

However, recently he’s really been pushing my boundaries. The other night, he started to finger me as I laid completely still, ignoring my body language. I should’ve been more open here, but the signs were there. 

Today, he went down on me. I was literally on my phone wanting 15 Crazy Straw Hacks and he decided that this was a go ahead to do the thing that is EXTREMELY off-limits. This went on for around 10 minutes, until I started to cry and he stopped. He said he was sorry, to which I pointed out that you don’t just slip and fall and eat someone out, especially when you know it’s the one thing that’s off limits. I told him that I had become scared of him to the point where I think if I didn’t cry, he’d be fully okay with raping me. 

I don’t know what to do. I feel at such a loss. I feel like past trauma hasn’t allowed me to be a sexual person, and that I’ll never be in a loving relationship if I can’t let men have what they want. He’s apologized and I don’t want to make him feel bad for this, but I feel really hurt. 
I feel like I’m going to do something self-destructive. My mind has been wandering to the thought of, well I should just kill myself if every man needs sex before they need me to be comfortable. I don’t know if I should go to a sexual violence clinic or crisis centre because I’m feeling so fucked up. 

Another thing is I can’t talk to anyone about this. We have so many mutual friends that I feel like if I tell anyone about this, they’ll have negative associations with him. 

What should I do? ",3.6722815820543104,4.7650776508264485,5.065126328217239,83.37833884297521,72.07851239669421,8.589279811097994,25.605430932703662,9.002800196639251,1.829182597402597,1869,57,387,37,35,626,227,484,0.172,0.718,0.11,-0.9928,4,0,1,0,2,1,55.0,5,2,3,10,22,25,4,1,17,1,57,15,4,5,3,74,95,24,1,14,12,0,8,3,3,4,2,2,0,4,27,24,1,5,15,1,0,11,11,10,2,1,23,11,65,15,59,60,5,58,0,2,1,8,42,31,1,7,21,266,92,2,0.0,0.19691301572995532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914346679613702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426916697050726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162068872108586,0.0,0.0,0.1479481220584683,0.07768459686197292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938263043701648,0.050655237603353935,0.09177424863974228,0.07070953505264009,0.0,0.08720530855531962,0.0,0.0,0.09230217567136488,0.0,0.09276387608498808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425151424846266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194539097171643,0.18255658508875736,0.05359077274029248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502910658431152,0.0,0.09347308379426797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516610916325232,0.14002582762362434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941148309351934,0.1780938133246481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284012690464147,0.07682195530230708,0.0,0.0,0.14167803748225885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895719357242979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386054494460474,0.09193465964063434,0.0,0.13700402417824728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497244280262213,0.0586939585797677,0.12179117719682216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499840183652218,0.0,0.11093595564226308,0.08424744460693002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390441037883553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323093414301466,0.06408962745154957,0.0,0.0,0.07798102494184776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630876411899415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998609125371693,0.15865122154103958,0.0,0.07255720646865715,0.0,0.0,0.2356609343675709,0.0,0.0,0.08453965255567647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353556465051921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970244297093053,0.0,0.08204838842769327,0.17843043326193886,0.0,0.0,0.1580887944785148,0.0,0.08319472097127263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668842672245368,0.09387610134206296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040792641340013,0.06397222845606447,0.0,0.09302043089894037,0.11763314899093948,0.0,0.06636147330873139,0.06947291937684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429763546517536,0.07831805919126059,0.0,0.0,0.06679032336720339,0.07263055203037737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561811725520215,0.0532452839439624,0.0,0.06596983714239885,0.0,0.0,0.07876636051416991,0.079402866311158,0.0,0.0564174948881367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605135492868192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942859425171895,0.15406373928931286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099139690610962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MustBeDTF-for-MBDTF,2019/03/23,"I made a girl attempt suicide. I got in a fight with one of my best friends, and said some absolutely vile shit. I found out she tried slitting her wrists afterwards.

How do i look at myself in the mirror after doing that to someone?",3.0576086956521737,5.017970195652175,4.029782608695655,86.65380434782612,75.30434782608695,6.339130434782609,26.71739130434783,7.1686216300943375,1.3036695652173913,183,7,36,2,4,59,41,46,0.271,0.6,0.129,-0.8431,0,0,0,0,1,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,3,0,2,2,2,2,0,7,7,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,8,2,8,3,2,6,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,1,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33296814409417425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34788360787409783,0.2451314774409649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537595976884142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664371784056722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002201342402915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149986623009821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018080743685723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256856676901306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688322187693118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470552818787457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541381916479116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Big-Daddy-C,2019/03/23,"This subreddit is legitimately overwhelming at times Just sorting by new is enough to hurt my heart. So many hurt people asking for help with no responses. Over 125,000 subs, yet most seem to have either have given up or just dont care to frequent this sub. It's hard to think up of stuff to say, in fear that you might hurt someone.

I legitimately hope everyone here lives a better life. <3",3.6463428571428578,6.054692720000002,4.164571428571431,84.28800000000003,75.13333333333333,7.485714285714287,24.04761904761905,8.418075326091056,1.534161904761905,314,10,61,6,7,99,63,75,0.22,0.684,0.095,-0.8787,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,2,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,11,12,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,3,3,14,10,3,9,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,6,4,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696721447226023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051646189961835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850449613197675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270930867240764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875315471868598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734250439385506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423091296660256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258273981008026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507095281319905,0.12165142653231267,0.0,0.0,0.18026423294402347,0.0,0.0,0.5828783992567608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819439421412032,0.0,0.0,0.1602622953448965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184006163271392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925361742855877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528778265076322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258249053999666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443311046969131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522508220531762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377905482676868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077669074580724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162938586034982,0.0,0.0,0.10583045787879816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trvent17,2019/03/23,"seeing my friends have fun without me all the time hurts i always end up being home alone seeing my friends posting about there days with each other, they seem to have more fun without me and it hurts so much, im too scared to speak up on it cause i feel like id get called needy, or some shit.

i feel like im over exaggerating but it makes me cry sometimes for hours and i just get an overwhelming rush of wanting to just kill myself. :(((
",4.072666666666667,4.7008078222222185,4.288888888888891,91.03000000000004,70.77777777777777,6.8888888888888875,25.0,6.42735559955562,0.5623333333333336,344,9,77,2,6,107,64,90,0.226,0.66,0.114,-0.9136,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,12,2,2,2,0,3,1,1,2,1,18,12,5,1,1,6,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,5,11,6,13,11,5,10,0,3,2,0,5,4,1,3,6,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659925833084137,0.0,0.0,0.1333584416050804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365477059625874,0.0,0.0,0.16464262687017048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605034011356582,0.1033616373059372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195267402394707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207582508782994,0.2289954930425721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476501965201024,0.0,0.16747012907643266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076503809364148,0.0,0.15783480539180136,0.0,0.3431471765614013,0.0,0.3462407042661146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731628897516374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660078331627053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698224176437353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781774136563875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349546528149982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045938759782094,0.0,0.25543072336370104,0.14590484188856964,0.0,0.0,0.1645160394112707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585122723083707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345540046161352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453208082890853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089913519462801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johny_pepperoni,2019/03/23,"Whats the point? Everything is useless, we are all gonna die so why not cut to the chase. I'm still depressed but this isn't the only reason to commit suicide. The only reason i'm here to type this is because i love my dad so much i couldn't put him through it. Sorry I suck at writing.",0.5666666666666664,2.287496698412699,2.7399206349206366,94.12035714285715,82.01587301587301,4.834920634920637,21.61111111111111,5.46131890053228,-0.0182888888888888,224,7,51,1,6,76,46,63,0.247,0.615,0.139,-0.7852,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,2,9,10,3,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,8,2,4,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491639290084111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107556260595404,0.0,0.25395499588012604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991627696223676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208469808173711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987913454821364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37220346761420503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313160661970897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24598627160289074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031748601969883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27391625441754225,0.0,0.0,0.19541391101602046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26765684440759024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079936737325467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PerfectMushroomBlue,2019/03/23,"My boyfriend cheated on me with my ex best friend I'm not leaving him. I can't, i don't want to. It's been a year together and i love him.

But I'm heartbroken. It's been two months since it happened. I'm so angry and upset still. I feel ugly. I feel unlovable.

I just wish i had the courage to end it all. Just to buy the drugs and OD.",-2.3980701754385976,-0.6666658947368411,0.3878947368421084,103.5619298245614,102.68421052631581,3.5859649122807014,16.859649122807017,5.46131890053228,-0.8243561403508775,256,8,67,2,12,87,50,76,0.243,0.5479999999999999,0.209,-0.6175,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,3,0,5,2,0,0,1,13,14,5,1,2,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,12,4,5,11,2,5,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960417958572884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32714119023557553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24985285942418414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28527189515920504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179462632985356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24945609585672784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986983753952415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25460217885733505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251659158483768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333522910309029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252818097832868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755662878381274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638721929561126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243958730468491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166023627106956
suicidewatch,camrynsi,2019/03/23,"This one is a long one. I just don’t know anymore, guys. hello everyone. how are you? I hope you’re doing okay.

let me start out by introducing myself. i’m cam, and I’m a female in my teenage years. I’ve had mental issues my entire life. not the “ooOo I hAvE AnXiEtY LoL!!! sO quIRky”. I have some serious shit wrong with me from past experiences. And right now, it seems the answer to all of my problems is to just end it all. My life is tearing at the seams.

My relationship seems to be falling apart, and truth be told he’s all I have. My parents think I’m a disappointment in everything I do because my grades have dropped so much from me losing will to live. My friends are all against me and forcing me to choose sides. My brain is telling me to do one thing.

Die. Die. Die.

I just don’t see a point in living anymore, ya know? I feel like a waste of space. A waste of time. People tell me my life is not going anywhere, and I completely believe they’re right.

I’ve fought my demons for so long. I just want them to stop screaming. 

I’ve reached the end of my rope. Attempt after attempt but I never go all the way because I’m scared. I’m scared. I’m scared to end my life and destroy the body I hate so much. Yet I want to. I want to die.

Please help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. If you read this far, thank you.",-0.7496849816849824,1.4135699142857128,1.2014285714285722,99.23639194139194,94.5,4.157509157509158,18.250915750915755,5.873414542411696,-0.4311968864468865,1016,31,241,9,39,332,142,280,0.198,0.711,0.091,-0.9854,1,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,0,4,1,3,11,19,4,3,12,2,23,7,3,1,7,40,48,13,4,6,8,1,1,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,9,1,0,3,6,13,0,3,3,3,42,6,27,41,8,31,1,2,1,0,16,12,1,5,15,143,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146518463522993,0.0,0.2779392685278424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138945597629634,0.0,0.0,0.1052510830819651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037673117395244,0.0,0.1042863613762446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794791438331124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38781617845077226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482241885073368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926573963822446,0.08395886229274474,0.09138158665286523,0.0,0.0,0.04723539075694193,0.06673846386148483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217519205792322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618420042744073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249937478578146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922317997306573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261670356733352,0.0,0.0,0.09278602281782952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975050358226487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402171382276478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552713029172973,0.263938060088998,0.045639744167760336,0.0,0.1649811584900132,0.16534553152752698,0.0,0.10451182690457814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414425490935344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734724591999994,0.0,0.07205039645775216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990914474670512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373060670088408,0.0,0.08917888795016074,0.06476488626070295,0.0,0.0,0.10254587296432616,0.08831103370886817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938924807979425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344415672815637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029691205780558,0.0,0.15955841977686694,0.0,0.0,0.28058577655348804,0.0,0.07444274939136948,0.17009007274716426,0.0,0.0,0.09589313400890832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612236143655485,0.0,0.0,0.07810236356831479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330443089843738,0.08600755003238092,0.0,0.0,0.06206335035959231,0.05985904381435625,0.0,0.0,0.054473297998126655,0.0,0.0,0.08926573963822446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653026208418397,0.07415155567927277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021388760423375,0.0,0.06015869344909412
suicidewatch,throwaway45745745745,2019/03/23,"I don’t see the point in life and it’s truly destroying me. I just need someone to just say something to me please.... I legitimately don’t see a purpose in life which makes me very depressed and holds me back from reaching my full potential. I don’t believe in religion and thus I have a hard time grasping the idea of not being here or being alive. Even typing this post out makes me go into somewhat of a panic mode because of the mere thought of death and being nothing. It affects me very heavily and there are days I wake up and can’t eat at all the whole day and simply can’t get out of bed. I just can’t give myself the drive because mentally I am just straight up defeated. Recently though, I think it’s been affecting my relationship with others including family and my significant other. I live with my SO, but all my friends live in my hometown so there is often times where I feel very alone in the world when something occurs with my SO. I don’t like to talk to my friends about my problems because I don’t like to share details about my relationship because it’s not fair to my SO as she too has a share in this relationship. I also don’t believe in speaking negatively about my SO as she is wonderful and it would only result in problems and eventually lead to us breaking up. At times though when I am just at my limit with sadness, I sometimes take it out on her. My SO tells me that the way I say things is very mean and aggressive but I don’t think that’s the way I’m displaying it but I also don’t know how to put myself in her shoes and understand what she is talking about as I have my own perspective. I know there isn’t exactly a flow to this but I hope that helps to show furthermore just how lost in life I feel. I feel like I’m in the deepest hole in the world and just don’t know how to get out alone but also don’t wish to seek help because I don’t feel like anyone can help me or will actually help me with whatever they do. If I speak to my parents they will only worry and thing something is mentally wrong with me and will want to send me somewhere that I don’t wish to go to. I just need someone that can relate to help me and be understanding and truly help me honestly. I sleep about 4 hours a day from just being so sad about life and just not knowing if what I’m doing is the right or wrong things or if I should be doing more or less. I sometimes wonder if where I am now is a huge mistake or if I should move back to my hometown and leave my SO since it isn’t fair to her to go through this. I just honestly don’t know and I just really need someone to reach out to me. I’ve distanced myself from everyone in my life and I’ve gotten to the point where I just go to my apartment alone and go to sleep alone and just want to be alone because I just don’t know what to feel or what to do or what to say to anyone in my life or to anything in my life. If anyone is reading this and has even the smallest support/advice to offer, please do. I’m in desperate need of any assistance that can help me out of this whole because I’m tired of thinking that the easiest way out of this is suicide. ",7.209903748733537,4.913077031914893,7.6512340425531935,79.2726666666667,65.15501519756839,10.900992907801418,34.699290780141844,9.2995712137729,2.783727497467071,2469,84,542,35,30,819,227,658,0.115,0.735,0.15,0.9804,1,5,3,0,0,1,31.0,1,0,2,4,53,24,2,1,21,0,58,13,4,10,3,130,107,65,2,21,38,1,6,4,2,6,8,5,1,0,33,38,1,2,22,2,0,11,23,13,0,0,4,13,86,11,91,90,9,72,0,5,2,0,35,43,0,20,17,393,119,3,0.0,0.0,0.055145336393370624,0.0,0.0,0.055220645665332586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926351442912518,0.0,0.1355724111950604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038428548305727186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185387332124794,0.0,0.04650268571478497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690497513261825,0.0,0.2411346113320755,0.0,0.0,0.12733420938539072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933228597691146,0.0,0.04867174017754638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782355258860743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464827596598259,0.0,0.0,0.05399746040230119,0.0,0.0,0.0532723360340908,0.0,0.14286506515950087,0.08074111241952435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731854104320537,0.0,0.0590479940850133,0.05420927392191974,0.16057888449611654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050621610671773065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651409252387262,0.0,0.0,0.05612690393087096,0.055650692494127,0.0,0.0,0.06379259699533486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633758991849506,0.0,0.0,0.05983563552948376,0.0,0.0,0.2794014115676782,0.11043118170342267,0.0,0.09979823848202936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061687036240896324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544135558671597,0.0,0.0,0.061555652921508774,0.0,0.0,0.11389701574589625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006089069320045,0.0,0.16760496933826555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422260169233018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595637899499066,0.0,0.06630198228182849,0.062747358062994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406140894035725,0.1068399044270944,0.0,0.054120692304964885,0.0,0.0,0.10814434301764947,0.0,0.05680787802702305,0.0,0.0,0.056525013663746224,0.0,0.036201574498500484,0.0,0.05579653243039688,0.18201087760870416,0.0,0.04825899325246713,0.0,0.13481639560870026,0.0,0.0,0.09006186312441915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04674542544002589,0.0,0.11310106395105768,0.0,0.14364151050734011,0.13051183288648702,0.1117791186916074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061812463236771927,0.06412656209547833,0.0,0.0,0.0424882777190245,0.09084074691068568,0.04939198720974211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262764360856273,0.10862744299834064,0.11104102858359056,0.044862406539376586,0.09885381884105464,0.06494961175370638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765722565504655,0.0679742369022507,0.0,0.0,0.1865057530981227,0.06666179551437283,0.1345643594436543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618217157426295,0.12996678138082146,0.0,0.12256476447944152,0.0,0.057388365058381866,0.0,0.040142884690151384,0.12356901846069485,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway_50293,2019/03/23,"I got fired from my job yesterday. For some quick background, I'm a 25-year-old male with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration, and I've been struggling with what I believe to be depression for well over a year now.  Perhaps that is a reason for why I've struggled to hold a job lately, or maybe my lack of direction in life is what caused this mess to begin with.  Either way, I'm in quite a bind, and I worry that I'll never really figure myself out.

​

This was only my third week on the job, but it was clear from the start that I didn't like it, and my boss picked up on it.  Yesterday afternoon, he pulled me into his office, and told me that I was struggling and that he'd have to let me go.  Even though I didn't like the job, I was/am pretty devastated, and I worry that I'll never find my passion in life (or even worse, I'll starve to death).  This isn't the first time I've dealt with unemployment, either.  For at least the past year in my life it's been hopping from one job to the next and not finding fulfillment.  I called the suicide hotline yesterday and the counselor told me that, based on our conversation, I was demonstrating some telltale signs of major depression.  I agreed with her that something has been off with me for a while, and that I need to seek help.  The only problem is that, with my unemployment (again), I'm going to struggle to afford such help.  So, as you can see, I'm kind of freaking out right now.  What should I do?  Thanks in advance.",5.763047412945112,5.485758568561874,6.1476726342711,82.31337595907931,66.9933110367893,9.175762345071806,29.628369073381855,8.671277953709913,2.0052512689356683,1168,36,243,16,17,377,155,299,0.221,0.7090000000000001,0.07,-0.9937,10,0,1,0,0,1,46.0,1,1,0,3,10,15,0,4,16,0,21,4,0,4,3,43,35,16,2,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,20,19,0,1,4,0,0,4,6,9,1,3,12,2,31,6,44,19,7,43,0,2,1,1,13,17,0,4,23,166,51,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493782217983927,0.1176843462238291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091177075866904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889551501210027,0.0,0.0,0.09949247014277256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683493738449234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127938105368897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703978836484194,0.08238125736703808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008510500119856,0.0,0.07746044763483471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983412521430948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805474688325822,0.0,0.0,0.10085522443010868,0.0,0.0,0.10925194262449887,0.0,0.0,0.09903652451396723,0.2052257935390636,0.09463283631106648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729966555881606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181365527223102,0.1493946449189419,0.0,0.10300194500752538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162864272821548,0.0,0.06562862163414084,0.1473188245901535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245506586068837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985321016624246,0.0,0.09267315402131444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030127678619205,0.0,0.0,0.06204511481041765,0.0995787726571762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271007044482329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717756361434172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456049235184084,0.0,0.0,0.06855150834463733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049980193369242,0.0,0.10593907672162413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916722203582822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515543816224233,0.0,0.05647449155096385,0.0,0.0,0.18509021646395685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687567227605589,0.07768788524085428,0.0,0.08708051781018912,0.0,0.08739280018044612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967134163723708,0.09869925899984328,0.0,0.0,0.1176843462238291,0.18710625663006825
suicidewatch,alopejin,2019/03/23,"I don't want to think Last night I was drinking with a friend at a pub. We were talking about how shitty life is and that we can't fit in society (I'm that kind of nerdy, skinny and ankward guy that is all day sitting in front of a computer). He was having a bad time too so we began to talk about suicide and this kind of stuff. I ended so drunk and this morning when I wake up my mothers enters crying in my room and tells me that my uncle just died. I can't fucking believe it, I've never dealt with anything like this, I'm that kind of person that thinks that things never happens to you but, omg, It's shocking, I don't want to die because my family is dealing with so much pain right now, but I don't want to think either. I just want to sleep, for a long time. ",3.0830909090909087,3.4654451878787853,4.276969696969697,91.11545454545455,72.87878787878788,6.727272727272728,24.696969696969692,6.11248444174946,0.5274242424242424,596,16,137,3,11,196,97,165,0.183,0.768,0.049,-0.9429,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,3,1,0,0,11,9,1,0,5,0,12,8,3,1,3,27,24,12,3,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,2,14,11,3,0,3,3,0,2,7,4,0,0,4,0,17,5,21,20,3,23,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,0,13,90,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395947637604645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562728404202505,0.0844177787680766,0.0,0.0,0.15602259959045126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211676167972304,0.08930989590108528,0.1427696001922243,0.0,0.0,0.2874463927273921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566034147383604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265458317416937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130549180686216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699140342382712,0.1280250401354714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711966178371807,0.12245980905752647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326253175369119,0.0,0.11288189717636885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978144382463901,0.06765566036172475,0.0,0.0,0.1225528465084752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180073082164474,0.0,0.21361281666064635,0.0,0.0,0.12995664857394534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735537435747548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091776672063632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826348343011488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858272729115073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852957895535327,0.15147761544741398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261432414987056,0.12103999829422801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200176358143153,0.2662023995793416,0.0,0.0,0.16150077154672754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267227771616518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,douchdickk,2019/03/23,"This can’t really be it. This can’t really be life. Working everyday doing something I don’t care about just the scrape by to buy things the stay alive. There’s no joy in anything for my anymore. I don’t like doing anything I can barley move most of the time. Everyone at work thinks I’m lazy because I become lethargic. It’s embarrassing. I just, this all just seems so pointless. Is this really it? Is this all life has to offer me? I’m just starting to feel like nothing matters at all. ",0.7895104895104872,3.298869707070711,2.6365656565656583,89.72356643356646,89.3030303030303,5.470396270396272,21.756798756798762,7.010146845296331,0.8618276612276619,387,14,77,6,13,128,62,99,0.104,0.7490000000000001,0.147,0.7496,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,3,0,12,3,0,0,3,12,19,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,10,17,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,5,52,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648993861986248,0.0,0.0,0.3426807780989839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692384623712138,0.2299533310669289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122855817473764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895508680422894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527803059007937,0.1487463939082947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941319921213106,0.2034433210192392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212959578538949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978462590786844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001570079298756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895480019831648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029144610045068,0.0,0.0,0.14737322754089532,0.22192584018182648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383265215545977,0.13341357284854372,0.0,0.0,0.12140984632685545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031610191461978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JayBouwmeester,2019/03/23,"How do I stop feeling completely dissociated with reality, how do I start enjoying existence again, and why does social interaction mentally exhaust me? Hi all. I’ll just start out by explaining everything I’m feeling. 

I’m 29 and have never had a hobby. I just don’t enjoy anything. It’s not that I think “nothing has any meaning therefore what’s the point?” That’s not my philosophy. I truly have no interests. I *want* to have something that consumes my time, an obsession, a passion...but anything I try just feels so boring. Some people like to play video games, go fishing, paint, watch movies, etc. 

Any time I engage myself in an activity I am overwhelmed by this feeling of “I need to leave, I need to go home.” There’s nothing particularly captivating waiting for me at home, I just want to be alone.

Social interaction is something I have struggled to understand. I’m not socially inept or afraid to speak to people. In fact, I was an Uber driver for a few years, I know how to socialize. Thing is, I find it to be a waste of time. (Then again I’m not exactly spending my time productively so I’m not sure what I’m getting at here). 

I don’t like talking to people. Social interaction is imbedded in me, I feel as though I *need* to do it, but when I do I always feel bored and it mentally drains me. I have to pretend to care about what this person is saying. I have to pretend their jokes are funny. I have to pretend I don’t already know the thing they’re explaining to me. 

Sounds pretty narcissistic and “iamverysmart” doesn’t it? I’m quite aware. I see that in me. I feel as though I’m not living my own life, I’m simply observing someone else’s life and criticizing it. I see my flaws, I see my immaturity, I see what could be perceived as ignorant or delusional. The problem is I can’t help feeling that way. 

Has anyone ever come back from this?",2.341858479358482,4.727255195054949,4.293460053460052,81.80289129789129,79.46703296703296,7.231838431838432,26.5960795960796,8.27314431278463,2.031809563409564,1457,61,279,30,37,495,178,364,0.101,0.785,0.114,0.7578,0,1,2,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,1,1,19,19,0,4,10,0,31,3,0,4,6,59,72,20,0,7,13,0,8,2,0,0,3,3,2,1,20,8,0,3,17,7,1,3,13,9,0,0,2,16,45,10,36,66,5,27,0,1,5,0,18,8,0,3,17,182,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056907991364802,0.09650032316823766,0.0,0.07276319889816353,0.0,0.0,0.1189343908400456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114521905873373,0.0,0.14392343301424593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724161290284053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915839947020172,0.0,0.0,0.0753281472893769,0.09168688075006554,0.0,0.0,0.06981959181961128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652576363848328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305103835696272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975269088181011,0.0,0.07910113283114069,0.0,0.0,0.07859203785412776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35372805367277066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992529194084637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568763013733871,0.0,0.09939668632485577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861411413491526,0.0,0.1754336403738065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961175511638029,0.0,0.0,0.09259411526047072,0.0,0.0,0.1235332962072076,0.0854447143120778,0.0,0.07721761050105032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525579817296692,0.0,0.0,0.17625271814155916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452330177250293,0.06744478582937992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678161779813733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818749416186156,0.07635565137831618,0.0,0.0,0.08266600945573181,0.0,0.0,0.08896539092879267,0.0,0.08367530213003246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301101883415576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954164110583767,0.0,0.0,0.27873685842631685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457077945286863,0.07409385428605261,0.13464248174977067,0.0,0.0,0.1237913661789842,0.0,0.0,0.07310989866269635,0.0,0.09141895511155176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241809070774303,0.0,0.0,0.07028686597346022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161922648214964,0.056032729707156975,0.17183315107004954,0.0,0.20396500769057735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937100917987183,0.0,0.0,0.0910357733909456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315742320955712,0.06941163459990654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890763011482822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631322511637511
suicidewatch,ded_wood,2019/03/23,"Physically Sick I’ve struggled with this for over half of my life and I’m only 22. I wish I knew how to put exactly what I was feeling into words or how to make it seem like it makes sense? The thoughts usually come in progressively worse waves. But this time they’ve seemed to stick around for a while and have reached the point I feel physically sick. All I can think about is ending my life, daydreaming about it, a pile of crumpled up suicide notes because I can’t decide on what to write, it doesn’t feel good enough. Everything is becoming exhausting, especially my relationships with other people. Anytime I try to open up it’s the same things over and over; “it’ll get better” “you won’t feel this way forever” but I feel trapped in my own mind.

Ever since I lost my dad in 2016, who was the only person I had in my life, everything has gotten so much worse. Sometimes I want to just end my life with the prospect of being able to see him again. He was the only person I felt that I could completely confide in and that he would understand. Even though I struggled with this prior to his passing, now I feel like I’ve lost half of my heart and became some weird hollow shell of the person I used to be and I don’t think I’ll ever get that back. I just feel hopeless, trapped, and sick. I’m scared if I tell anyone my real thoughts they’re going to push me away. I feel so dead on the inside, I just want to feel real again. ",4.862096219931273,5.100437701030934,5.353487972508592,85.47531786941582,68.89690721649485,8.52852233676976,27.163230240549822,8.344100000000001,1.543599312714777,1125,32,241,15,18,361,158,291,0.18600000000000005,0.752,0.062,-0.992,0,2,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,1,0,4,19,12,0,3,10,0,18,9,1,5,4,62,52,17,2,6,7,1,10,2,0,3,8,0,0,3,18,15,0,0,19,0,0,5,4,8,0,2,11,11,34,4,39,35,6,35,0,3,1,0,13,17,0,5,14,153,52,0,0.09381790271887523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559965895592779,0.0,0.0,0.08351782397023548,0.0,0.0,0.0881450079008892,0.07214017615728532,0.0,0.05719052271113586,0.10361450265472832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297431092384898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081581598748393,0.0983662860404458,0.0,0.0,0.07490596128879802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618963036018444,0.09693897261480793,0.0,0.061965839928103436,0.16972732837103788,0.0,0.0,0.16863496310087198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269343547450891,0.0670235284480678,0.09007989922193647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803196395895143,0.0,0.05331887614955338,0.0786900056403468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117466643745692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650654368613934,0.09166937668626064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482664677128865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252483571456061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472933726832504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896695332461368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405822784293987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504152096966659,0.2457545217867597,0.0,0.0,0.08868824269538582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431290491107594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135706252937769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007253171501171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392808728705182,0.0,0.07476072182213138,0.17081659016252124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760713861650967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278830470652848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615768394466065,0.0,0.10262155831266748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200098216774739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232844581262719,0.12022944772275387,0.09217561308178514,0.14896187039472072,0.054705973538964336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369619757724206,0.0,0.0,0.0976677453963942,0.0,0.08102854555552036,0.10332716535138116,0.0,0.11067245952327116,0.07446828431432302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788595807202296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121691591639176,0.06664554632435958,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlondeFace616,2019/03/23,"I think I'm going to do it today I just don't want to rot alone. I'm compleatly alone for the first time in my life I broke up with my partner due to it not working out and they went mental smashed up our flat and took all their things the next day.
So now I'm alone in an empty flat it's been about a week now.

This hasn't helped the fact that I've been trying to deal with my depression and suicidal tenancies. My family lives half way across the country and I really don't want to keep on being a berden on my friends. All I seem to do is mess things up. My friend got me a job today would have been my second shift if I went in. I spent untill 5am on the phone to a crisis line trying to figure things out if it wasn't for the fact I was so tired I would have ended it last night. Ive now got my friend in trouble for not turning up. 

I dont want to be alone. I don't want to be a burden on on my friends and family any more I can't pay my rent I have no proper job no money there is nothing going for me. No one would know if did it though and I don't want to Rot alone in my empty flat. I'll problay call a hot line just before and tell them to call the police to pick up my corpse. That could work. 

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suicidewatch,Diddsss,2019/03/23,"I’m likely going to kill myself some day Not in the near future. At least I hope not. I have a girlfriend who is incredible and I love her more than I can even begin to express to her. It’s just dawned on me that she’s the only thing I have going for me in my life. And when she inevitably leaves me one day, I’ll have nothing left. I don’t pity myself though, I’ve given up on that.  I’m only being realistic and honestly, I think it’s for the best. I’d like to be at peace at that point",-0.5545718654434246,1.3325567155963327,2.2424082568807364,95.16404051987769,87.34862385321102,4.734250764525996,15.505351681957187,5.985473137389443,-0.7207620795107029,378,7,91,3,12,132,69,109,0.042,0.758,0.2,0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,0,0,9,17,5,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,17,6,16,14,4,18,0,1,0,1,8,11,0,2,7,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24959728798605554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067728733181136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709037295143502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270338694655085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23622772681656604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631335419639844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518370901263993,0.25841269795633665,0.0,0.1679926729848402,0.2323921791196321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465892400127787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282128719523775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611658171593054,0.3617744538408709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483466919177372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800961964768429,0.15239758554411748,0.23367554531408385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway68768768,2019/03/23,"I just made some warning signs. I don't have concrete plans of killing myself but I just wrote/drew some warning signs on carton paper. They warn about not bashing in my doors unless the person opening my door is a firefighter wearing appropriate equipment (oxygen tank and mask), because I have read and fantasized about suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.


It seems to be a rather simple and effective method if done right but can also be very dangerous for people trying to rescue or checking up on the person killing themselves.


Writing the signs one would tape outside the front door was kind of cathartic. Weird.",8.090851900393186,9.432719788990827,6.721389252948885,74.60798165137615,62.11926605504587,8.43040629095675,36.672346002621225,8.418075326091056,3.280469462647444,503,23,75,6,7,150,84,109,0.248,0.6859999999999999,0.066,-0.975,0,0,1,0,1,2,10.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,4,0,6,0,10,2,1,2,0,23,12,9,3,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,4,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,8,1,13,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,5,0,53,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868116804573234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240179808904274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390562649826189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168926831235974,0.2432608549807697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210401510889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829496885403274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195042635487653,0.4079450479083566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336655230363493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949509374073507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21266276674409332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25552300859768035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860063235036742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927463680336631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594437646864632,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gr0tesqu3tte,2019/03/23,"Every day feels like a nightmare - and I want it to end Every man I see is like a pig, but instead of eating everything they touch. All they do is want to touch and touch and touch and I’m so tired of being touched.

I’m so tired of living in this world. I just want for it all to stop. ",-0.6319047619047637,1.2578715238095235,1.4057142857142857,101.01428571428572,87.73015873015873,4.234920634920635,15.349206349206348,5.288315135182226,-1.0943269841269845,218,4,55,1,7,72,37,63,0.19,0.7,0.11,-0.8879,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,2,13,11,7,0,3,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,8,10,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,5,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140314825232115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402218473753748,0.0,0.0,0.20793093366397888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955970413338335,0.0,0.2109904525929774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870356746216347,0.1677152156540307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938734554566706,0.0,0.2073006252618651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707625326776164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627294353277605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396526163929511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154090924269111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dragsville,2019/03/23,"If I kill myself, I will inconvenience my family. That’s the only thing preventing me from doing it. It will be a huge financial and emotional burden for them to deal with disposing of my body and my possessions. They have enough on their plate. I just can’t do it now. 

Perhaps I will plan and make these arrangements myself. But the idea of living through another day, another week, it’s too much to bear. It’s all too much. ",2.824487951807228,5.15018028915663,4.2369728915662686,83.16461596385547,77.43373493975903,8.969277108433735,23.62801204819277,9.516144504307137,2.3097000000000003,336,11,66,10,8,111,61,83,0.135,0.818,0.047,-0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,3,1,4,2,1,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,1,11,9,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,13,0,9,5,4,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959524191390744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26268265414822617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251391767184194,0.24380670059088144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660149402102905,0.0,0.2443532733906615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229379711443826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266963929253453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26163674070477666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882148660356373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578562534231792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476888674612597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985827323019793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711080227955124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969481909998548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,droyjen,2019/03/23,"How do I end my life without making anyone feel guilty after my death I just turned 24 last month and I want to end my life because I feel like I am incapable of leading a good and meaningful life in the future. I don't want anyone, especially my loving parents and the rest of my family plus some close friends to feel any shred of guilt  or heartbreak after my death, because my suicide is purely because of myself, not because of anyone else. How should I do it? Does leaving a letter would suffice? ",5.865034013605437,6.267124755102043,6.312653061224491,78.89544217687076,66.75510204081633,8.165986394557821,31.639455782312922,7.793537801064563,2.228484353741496,398,15,72,4,6,129,61,98,0.207,0.6409999999999999,0.152,-0.8512,1,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,4,0,7,4,0,4,1,23,15,7,3,4,4,1,3,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,3,15,4,12,13,2,10,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,8,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285458991771652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481172387681955,0.1700397544080722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046567145170878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522769423649778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863349227434016,0.0,0.2939724390526813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644690997057806,0.0,0.2517343858093193,0.11855775892330107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282158522258777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919456248278714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527487428133708,0.0,0.1757216030234337,0.0,0.0,0.3516552122438115,0.08107687041752781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978020199430458,0.0,0.11077575946716932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246310973992215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842725701289098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152702867909756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805105835992926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576824854536645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599739878139065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178891472500938,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MissPinkiMinki,2019/03/23,I feel like a coward I fighting depression as long as I can remember. My parents are divorced my brother is dad I got abused and I think and dream of suicide every fucking day. I no I can’t go like this forever but as much as i wish to die i can’t bring myself to do it i don’t know why but i can’t. And I hate it ,-1.760471841704721,0.04355794520548173,1.7979908675799088,96.61866057838662,92.83561643835615,4.888280060882801,20.439878234398783,6.42735559955562,0.14295859969558666,242,9,61,3,9,88,46,73,0.306,0.581,0.113,-0.9392,1,0,0,0,4,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,10,17,9,2,1,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,1,15,2,7,16,1,4,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,4,41,18,0,0.0,0.2895286943025283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759310171186444,0.0,0.21046840185651955,0.0,0.2536088982567382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588529859345145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355663403676352,0.17457207029238728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259084838043093,0.0,0.0,0.1388764037140044,0.0,0.195438400090288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412566201582253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429481739259716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387655983067624,0.0,0.0,0.21625244336057892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796339897706973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271334785320242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27681420708272936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26729207348661704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565771310841556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049845525286665,0.0,0.28100393238329563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway53619,2019/03/23,It’s okay I’m ready. I know how I’m going to do it. I know when I’ll get the chance to. And it’s okay. Because i was meant to do this. And it’ll all stop once I’m done and that is the most relieving thought. I have people who will miss me but I can’t keep going for them anymore. It’s gonna be okay,-3.6131278538812808,-2.2194544246575307,-0.2859931506849307,107.94808789954338,106.94520547945206,2.9812785388127856,11.562785388127852,4.7782277997778095,-1.8833461187214613,229,4,67,1,12,80,46,73,0.046,0.79,0.16399999999999998,0.6701,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,1,1,13,23,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,7,4,4,15,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33225207749917496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20422647165440624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342844108567739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503531319176266,0.0,0.3808017633831236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29778319483214843,0.0,0.0,0.36823896579025983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35678779308647857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322622649518928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800936264668443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659702670966421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TeddyBearBot,2019/03/23,"This is hard for me to do, but Im here asking for help.. I keep rewriting this post wondering on how I should put it. Honestly I just feel like I need to talk with someone, and I cant bring myself to call any hotlines. I feel suicidal, I dont think I will act upon it tonight though. Im starting to get worried about my own thoughts, and I feel like I cant comfortably talk about it with anyone like I used to. Im hoping this is the right place to get abit of support with this, I just need a friend for a bit. ",2.225878378378379,2.937601891891892,3.6410698198198186,93.67079391891892,75.12612612612612,6.9914414414414425,24.68581081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.7162513513513509,394,12,96,4,8,130,65,111,0.112,0.675,0.213,0.9194,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,21,25,5,1,4,3,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,4,15,8,17,22,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,5,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021290968167754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501093843463392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404001537979363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396014718636925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335289393041945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601250753731087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781001179638746,0.21458049421447456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603045294807612,0.0,0.15692808005047507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453381939353984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006640130753284,0.0,0.0,0.14916488543824272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866678844948595,0.0,0.0,0.1334889062788982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011442036633452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227165075862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690851247230236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383310501950214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097466677170174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825484207600907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127248954057121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062997870698097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427503303451138,0.1704250656744171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414216473216851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623073758147392,0.14755332244957214,0.11922795064862465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970926593528867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286627064677106,0.0,0.15251739005531045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arki261,2019/03/23,I want to end it right now Can’t take this,-4.549999999999997,-3.5407564545454515,-1.6449999999999996,116.6525,113.54545454545456,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-3.2254,33,0,11,0,2,11,11,11,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5685312876013049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481775631267121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826275678735822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786081946171964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Freedxm_,2019/03/23,"Everyone leaves Everyone in my fucking life leaves. I’ve never had real friends, where the feeling is mutual and they care back. I’ve gone to so many different schools and had so many groups of “friends” but it’s the same every time, the only thing that changes is the names and faces. Every seemingly good friendship I’ve ever had (with one exception) has lasted less than a year. After that people fade out of my life and I never hear from them again. 

Lost my most long term friend recently once I realized she was just using me, since she only came over to my house (she lives on my street) to get rides to places I wasn’t invited to and to eat out of my fridge. She was also a deeply selfish person, saying things like “it was like, really so hard for me when you had your anxiety thing. You need to get over it”

After every friendship I’ve ever had has just failed or been fake why the fuck would I put effort into making new friends? I can’t even make connections with people anymore because my personality feels like it just isn’t there anymore. 

This probably doesn’t make any sense. Sorry. ",5.338978638184244,6.140170761682242,5.53497997329773,82.60504672897198,68.01869158878505,8.731108144192259,26.96795727636849,8.841846274778883,1.879463017356476,869,25,169,14,14,275,131,214,0.14,0.738,0.122,-0.5245,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,2,3,15,15,2,0,7,0,18,6,1,4,4,35,35,12,0,2,6,0,3,3,4,1,2,2,0,2,10,11,1,0,4,0,0,4,6,6,0,1,13,5,23,9,25,21,4,31,0,2,0,2,19,10,2,3,20,111,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174178772928904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951012106361211,0.0,0.07819466315711887,0.0,0.20274084126045736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859749598709416,0.0,0.062309688147807116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690742920979905,0.10421562841897404,0.0,0.1081305638487236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679355871939444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459208890186528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675124474948233,0.18491974543363604,0.2583631840853,0.19534279462397355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033665689996178,0.07302285340629716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158861121020601,0.18899337183148834,0.10680687661576388,0.0,0.0,0.08573360548852743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156511087111696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520442316530838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794309214550913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833193660534007,0.0,0.21646314799524827,0.0,0.0,0.1443958188056544,0.14981215426745612,0.0,0.0902582577883542,0.09045759979717538,0.0,0.0,0.11158041472311064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468914353658169,0.2072611737333908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757915808898091,0.15766996223706528,0.09872047470425432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885629048022173,0.06926394383373002,0.15547915738573626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172686998329728,0.1785014589543151,0.10679355871939444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020571756245047,0.0,0.0,0.1027549218776184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634374393465917,0.06548193822115092,0.0,0.10092558514859708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128595704046719,0.0,0.10344765604904298,0.0,0.09305325392161537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845538102468991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442200875796207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372253149031375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960274516552596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882814698186307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223369091789482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261103782677072,0.0,0.0,0.06582350265006284
suicidewatch,AngMahiwagangHotdog,2019/03/23,"Everything I do is wrong and I want to end myself so that I can t hurt anyone anymore I ve been feeling so sad coz of my recent life decisions and I ve brought huge pain to people in my life. I lost my girlfriend,friends,and the care of my family in just a month and I hate myself so much that i keep on thinking of hanging myself",2.8515492957746464,3.564618661971835,4.573352112676059,87.56566197183098,73.64788732394365,7.370140845070423,26.876056338028175,7.554174236665415,1.3357188732394365,259,9,57,3,5,88,47,71,0.259,0.633,0.107,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,0,10,12,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,1,15,1,8,9,1,9,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400665229001201,0.16925965328833562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468045746564996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144004988942068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175552117269477,0.0,0.22820027385042066,0.0,0.12239691149339968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389921465157173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591389220202067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516126159247387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419597346689142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26424594097366044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932164586914077,0.0,0.17794791609998306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25757753978196823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781955064839524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390130587172355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510747281684234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277804508146394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646634815686801,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,easydoesit333,2019/03/23,"Fucking depressed Am thinking about joining the army just so I can die with some purpose and quickly. I’m a fat fuck and get breathless within a minute of exercise. I’d like shooting bullets now and being shot. 

Today I was so fucking depressed I didn’t want to get up. It’s been a while since this happened. I even wanted to listen to Nirvana. They’re a good band but usually too raw for me. I was listening to all kind of raw shit today. 

I’m feeling like hurting things. People I care about and myself too. I want to cry and scream at the same time. 

I want to write bitter words on all your posts. I don’t but the feeling is there. I’m tired of caring and I’m angry and feel sick. 

Life is such a bitch. ",0.3078231292517017,2.615705258503404,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,88.25170068027211,4.082993197278912,21.09183673469388,5.46131890053228,-0.04089387755102082,551,19,117,3,18,180,95,147,0.274,0.586,0.139,-0.9821,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,12,16,6,0,8,0,10,9,2,0,2,25,32,12,1,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,8,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,10,0,0,4,7,12,6,17,27,4,12,0,3,0,3,5,4,5,1,9,74,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123037140834256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682337130404839,0.0,0.0,0.2638245692311078,0.0,0.15895083952167907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115751552507476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231949876697144,0.1094140517968804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424768335053605,0.16003446298213864,0.0,0.0,0.1284592523310808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354345711050103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395572878485634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948749438889048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817799401887243,0.14964771567808155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617847954449404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146680273622451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572115347634023,0.12669150193985734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174945957740672,0.09813561987295637,0.0,0.0,0.08930598494271857,0.17602928598959633,0.2903463008040289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686787324326069,0.0,0.3613394430032109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imrudeforfree,2019/03/23,Do you ever feel like the support you have just isn’t enough? My boyfriend knows I’m suicidal. He helps. He’s there. And he understands. But it doesn’t help. I know who I am better than anyone else and I know for a fact that my life is meaningless. People who barely know me try to convince me that I’m silly and my thoughts are just self destructive for no reason but they’re not. I’m a bad person. I’m a worthless person. Why else would my life be like this? Do good peoples lives wind up like this? Maybe. But do they see things the way I do? I doubt it. I’ll never be able to change my point of view no matter what any kind hearted soul wants to tell me. I am worthless and so is my life. Why shouldn’t I end it? My dad killed himself. So did my grandpa. It’s in my DNA to end my life. And I think I have to do it. ,-1.2992178770949678,0.7284936480446937,0.7822882681564245,102.2067061452514,95.75977653631284,3.7578547486033522,14.981229050279332,5.414198509911553,-1.0808647597765364,629,14,156,4,25,206,100,179,0.141,0.691,0.168,0.3149,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,2,1,1,6,15,2,1,5,0,19,5,1,1,3,28,34,10,2,3,6,2,1,3,0,2,4,0,0,3,13,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,3,26,9,11,28,1,8,1,2,2,0,17,3,0,1,7,93,39,0,0.131988920455783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897569920028717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228972207794252,0.13523824673594115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020523539968824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167334741772898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396267767359222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051961318490787,0.0,0.2338060142733634,0.1363798376932488,0.0,0.0,0.11939153506055936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673756400576793,0.09429291114624468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107060443063949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564075062419774,0.17693878234895175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602618469882847,0.13744614965239432,0.2901506354960959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729107115761291,0.1934493585504091,0.0,0.11654863491157692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260061111452467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179799231434357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300899697817047,0.23049526858399655,0.0,0.0,0.12477219242004385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570659295220452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517808094012056,0.0,0.1376932297493252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437445630996887,0.14977946279375035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536413412551552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768757388604795,0.08457317074904408,0.0,0.10478445953640886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961181300919227,0.0,0.0,0.13740512103375754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785048499983152,0.10476666147925216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381989422960912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376114214465736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cyanthrax,2019/03/23,"It's been a struggle for too long. There's no solution, and there hasn't been any relief. I can't fuck up at all, or my world comes crashing down, but I can be in the hospital and mistreated, and people who get paid way more than I ever will can happily mistreat me, and fuck up my care with no repercussions, or regret. I get a good job, and do it super well, and lose it because I asked for the benefits I was told I would get, but it's super okay for everyone else to break laws and fuck up, as long as it's to the detriment of me. 

The only reason I haven't killed myself is because people would be sad, but I'm starting to give less of a shit. Nobody could give a fuck about how I feel, so I'm not sure why I can't stop caring how they feel.

I'm selfish for wanting to die, apparently, but I think it's more selfish to want me to live my sad life, because you can't handle the idea of me not being there.

I'm tired. I didn't choose to be born, furthermore be born into this completely fucked up world where I have no chance of success.

I'm already down, can you just stop kicking?",7.264051724137928,4.263686267241384,7.801103448275862,80.45424137931036,65.63793103448276,11.004137931034483,33.54482758620689,8.841846274778883,2.459514137931034,842,24,193,10,10,282,123,232,0.21,0.562,0.228,0.6143,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,1,4,12,25,7,1,9,1,24,8,1,3,3,39,51,18,2,6,9,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,6,0,1,1,11,14,1,0,6,2,24,11,29,36,4,23,0,4,0,5,8,12,6,2,8,127,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949931214090696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980243639615663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970697570714284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460752114339665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392935282267653,0.0,0.0,0.10108715637994876,0.12303987799894628,0.0,0.0,0.09369491021118698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217914020503401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803137344849212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615034183192057,0.0,0.11213353325310016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867198505570087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424437227305047,0.18393254494553574,0.2251467892994075,0.0,0.0984281208883261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324745505285495,0.0,0.0,0.11645236924021805,0.0,0.12983105891325816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288820368737243,0.0,0.0,0.1036227353106087,0.20770318750435954,0.0,0.13128531130804022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925042409902025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271226915455908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065596797473928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045871097591225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306136312732076,0.0,0.0,0.19622072292969905,0.0,0.12268033323522605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060155763429153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751935300963066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487725895067834,0.0,0.11213353325310016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384328560700927,0.09314744904628937,0.0,0.0,0.10551228828961386,0.0,0.10589066945117448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672500750004246,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tokidokibunny,2019/03/23,"My mind’s decided - it may not be today, or even five years from today, but someday My whole life, I have been subjected to literal physical and emotional abuse and neglect. My family as a whole have: pushed me off the stairs when I was 4, thrown me out of the bed with my head hitting the ground, yelled at me for not chasing down a house burglar alone, told to kill myself, denied medical care, etc etc.

My relationships with my parents have gotten better this year but i recently had an argument with them. I wont go into the specifics of the argument (ive vented it out to my friends and id rather not hash out the details again). but this argument revived my suicidal ideation and now im confident that one day - maybe not today, maybe not five years from today, but maybe when im 40 years old or something i will die by my hands. ive already had three different suicide attempts within the last six years, one of which landed me in the ICU. im just tired of fighting so hard everyday just to function like a normal person. my friends know about the argument but they dont know about my renewed conviction to end my life. i felt like this was the only place i could talk about this. (ive tried hotlines, theyre okay)",6.6401436323013066,6.073810199170129,6.769460580912867,79.5479221193744,65.2655601659751,10.402936482604536,33.89115863389723,9.851270322608157,3.055958570060645,962,37,192,18,13,309,142,241,0.218,0.6809999999999999,0.101,-0.9897,2,1,1,0,3,3,28.0,0,0,2,2,13,10,2,0,14,1,17,6,2,0,0,35,25,15,4,3,15,1,3,2,2,3,4,1,1,1,8,11,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,3,0,6,8,4,29,7,29,11,4,34,0,1,0,0,10,13,0,3,21,129,37,0,0.0,0.11784514919684715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301171217746977,0.10975780613778036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796526756720707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140722852859947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941160166060612,0.0,0.0,0.0641441865662653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322492741076944,0.10391568883413596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656767804354692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188035960742436,0.08809302022975286,0.0,0.2218508539626813,0.06569312391524337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376308098359297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549826144090526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368681091747027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652603986290111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909761677993552,0.0,0.10207579152682204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476476493991722,0.0,0.0,0.3223051933505656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003897981603852,0.0,0.10932244785007313,0.08107407806694122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050464424905104,0.0971833469677937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299766154956097,0.0,0.0,0.1001966026557364,0.0,0.0,0.10042736609069357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974507684271554,0.0,0.0,0.1043677018794704,0.0,0.13479484195789465,0.07564465466284552,0.0,0.0,0.11043979020935052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684560327217213,0.10391568883413596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820584525384918,0.10678400790858694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657002030986486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758861832362392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994307123819433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143159125370168,0.37711000350386464,0.0950393511816218,0.0,0.067527563658083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208955065218147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320248463548703
suicidewatch,42094throwaway,2019/03/23,"None of my friends have recongized the warning signs I've been displaying, I'm too scared to talk to them, but their lack of awareness only validates the way I feel For context, I consider these friends my family. This isn't a case of ""well it sounds like you need to find new friends!"" I don't have any living family. These people are all I have. I have known them for years. 

They know I've struggled with mental illness before, they've stuck with me through a couple breakdowns. At this point, it's a sort of, oh, OP's having one of their mental breakdowns again. I feel embarrassed and vulnerable when these happen, so when they don't...I don't talk about it. I want them to forget it. I can't bring myself to open up to them about it. Usually, I want them to think I'm fine, and usually, I am.

But now it's backfiring, and I'm getting better at hiding my breakdowns, I'm getting better at convincing myself that it's okay to feel like this, when before I'd let out some kind of small, noticeable cry for help. I think THEY think I'm fine, when I need them to notice I'm not more than ever before. I need them to notice I'm making real, actual plans to kill myself. I need them to reach out and ask if I'm okay instead of waiting for me to ask for help, because I don't think I can this time. I'm embarrassed, and I feel very small.

I'm slowly preparing to exit this world. I'm hoping by 2020 I'll feel fully ready to leave an existence I geniunely don't think I was meant for. I've begun slowly decluttering my apartment, and giving away things I'd rather see go to friends than say a thrift store. It's nothing super personal, but it's nice stuff. My coffee maker, my really nice portable speakers, brand new clothes, video games, etc, just stuff like that. I've started withdrawing from our usual social activities. I flake on almost everything I'm invited to. I stopped going to our DnD sessions. I've told them I feel like I don't fit in, that I feel like a constant burden to them when we do hang out. I am constantly anxious, or agitated, and I am almost always intoxicated or high when we do hang out outside of work. I renewed my life insurance policy this year, and put my best friend as my beneficiary and gave her a list of how I want my remains handled. I've even arranged who would get my pets if ""something were to happen to me"". 

And yet...no one's reached out. No one's noticed this checklist I'm working my way down. I know it's not their responsibility to monitor me, but jesus christ, I'm giving away my possessions and renewing my life insurance. I can't bring myself to ask for help. I know how selfish this whole thing makes me sound. I don't want them to think I'm weak. But when I can't make myself ask for help, god, god fucking damnit, I want them to notice. I want one of them to pull me to the side and ask how I'm holding up. I want one of them to just please reach out and hold me and not let me go until they know I've cried a river onto their shoulder. 

I don't want to be one of those she-seemed-fines, or one of those we-should-have-recongized-the-signs when I'm gone. I want my friends to notice I'm not okay, right now, because even though it isn't their fault, this total lack of recognition is only convincing me further that I was just not meant for this world. It's making me mad and frustrated at the people I love.

How can I cry out for help, when I don't have the strength to find my own voice? Without making my friends think less of me? This is the closest I've ever gotten to leaving. I just want them to notice I've already got one foot out the door.",3.6260526315789465,4.507591561403512,4.809065452091768,85.96477226720648,71.98245614035088,7.913225371120109,25.8559379217274,8.20175343628119,1.4225257759784076,2821,86,603,41,52,932,290,741,0.14800000000000002,0.684,0.16899999999999998,0.8336,0,0,1,1,0,1,101.0,4,1,24,8,32,42,4,4,15,3,37,9,2,10,4,115,123,42,1,21,21,0,7,5,7,1,5,5,2,1,37,28,0,4,23,2,2,10,21,12,1,8,12,13,106,30,90,107,12,74,2,0,1,2,59,34,1,10,33,366,143,3,0.0,0.0,0.04866683146192657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987706049072137,0.0,0.055033808829946206,0.0,0.041496606918461736,0.0,0.0,0.03391394097917149,0.0,0.0,0.056339953099472075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331129265694093,0.0,0.0937107564388793,0.0,0.0,0.0608017092745803,0.0,0.12730945890164108,0.0,0.052336461823540514,0.08821356565548864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077855117320008,0.0,0.0,0.05518123293364805,0.16434261694182462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561926716363131,0.06587855479645949,0.0902222185281554,0.0,0.0,0.04482077411574489,0.0,0.09402774446275344,0.0,0.17651367647202526,0.10688340212868402,0.0,0.0,0.09116224884929593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697110851855551,0.046104869044049375,0.0781665041210713,0.09568147626527612,0.08502839245412043,0.0,0.03988633667315762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820139331777856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713715799758624,0.05269137321306299,0.0,0.049533083896679514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517479250119275,0.051932896848599135,0.10963103049363407,0.0,0.0,0.10561222326973503,0.0,0.10199280485250073,0.07045062217820902,0.12182208096811845,0.0,0.04403694283190512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501045933521045,0.0,0.1664461574505579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051633069715556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791464389266692,0.0,0.09633130546534237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785250014913391,0.39744867205649703,0.0,0.0,0.2703506502038254,0.07585817556332086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914844385578868,0.04354537045139527,0.0,0.054743302649934905,0.047144146379591384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05013405677552763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676403385177525,0.031948593299118984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04258949976089748,0.0,0.03965936337505525,0.049929498675771934,0.0,0.039740672561661236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508371303904238,0.0,0.03839307661223101,0.0,0.0,0.03529889930635194,0.0,0.0,0.04169432862483802,0.0,0.052135921765477884,0.11418056139034595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016872520718425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626405673851067,0.22368693736738585,0.04899793325121709,0.0,0.029080138989981012,0.0,0.0,0.04765380858365315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647773434313586,0.04114873825394412,0.2941516526533877,0.07917044220640818,0.0,0.0,0.04483995325490624,0.0,0.0,0.05567910977729381,0.0,0.048073794649195964,0.0,0.07261325864280964,0.0,0.0,0.0354268761672838,0.0,0.0,0.0642304847052029
suicidewatch,bigpeenerboi,2019/03/23,"I don’t understand why I feel like this My life is probably in the best state it’s been in for a while now but strangely enough I feel like shit. I feel just as bad as I did two years ago when my life and situation was at it’s lowest point, if not worse. I’ve begun self harming again after managing to stay clean for months, my emotions are constantly between either extremely happy and content or extremely depressed and suicidal. It’s to the point where I don’t think I can handle the whiplash of going between the two states anymore, I’ve reached a level of suicidality where I don’t particularly care about how it’ll impact those who care about me anymore because I know they’ll get over it and move on. I don’t know what to do anymore and at this point I just want to end it to end the internal turmoil and put my mind to rest. 

TLDR: My emotions are out of wack and I just want to end it",5.921675675675676,5.197581194594598,6.614189189189191,80.59263513513514,66.78378378378378,9.778378378378378,32.554054054054056,9.120678840339163,2.522524324324324,711,26,151,11,10,235,105,185,0.16899999999999998,0.67,0.161,-0.764,1,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,11,11,1,1,7,0,14,3,1,1,0,27,27,15,2,3,8,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,12,8,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,5,0,2,3,3,19,6,26,22,4,32,0,1,0,0,3,13,1,2,15,103,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403940475487426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491917302965038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799714613754272,0.07154627448946407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317018413164453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932843121502026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268328127674715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108864772128963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640457819145073,0.3118588976125177,0.1212722320874192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780339415550675,0.16769504932900878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061319791021797125,0.0,0.06670278164327552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494012343159802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900446210875854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580058726812694,0.11467988183636975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850794231480095,0.0,0.09368179663585216,0.1247433150934012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33285130411844016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654225616291942,0.0,0.0,0.11798697865988687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244013189534042,0.0,0.120476280899368,0.0,0.13192623801282616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250983762995205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676247851971506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520449770966935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930242208000906,0.12218393869543855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384530476748775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590611450236144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960773660247613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558096547182129
suicidewatch,NbaLiveMobile10,2019/03/23,"Looking for non mainstream ideas and information that take a more objective look at suicide from all angles, not just the narrow perspective you often hear from most people I want to find information or articles online that examine suicide from a different point of view. I find that every article online comes at the topic from the presupposed notion that it is inherently bad, morally wrong, and that there is a very specific way of handling it. 

​

I know this might be an unpopular opinion but I find it quite frankly insulting when I am depressed and look online for relatable, helpful information and I see the suicide hotline posted at the end of an article. I just can't fathom that someone who is contemplating suicide would talk to a stranger on the phone about their feelings and expect it to be helpful. First, I would guess that a lot of people in that state have some anxiety about talking to strangers on the phone. Second, I would think that there's a good chance the person contemplating suicide is not alone in their physical space. They might be in a house/apartment/other living space with family/friend/roommate/significant other and they probably would be scared of others overhearing their call with a suicide hotline assistant. I personally just don't see how hotlines can really be that helpful. I understand they can be useful for certain people but I find it hard to believe that the vast majority of people contemplating suicide would actually use this resource. 

​

I guess I am just looking for information online that would properly examine in an objective way questions I have such as ""How does one overcome self esteem issues when going through major social changes in life?"" Or ""How does one avoid suicidal thought patterns when they aren't achieving a satisfying amount of progress in life"" or ""How does one avoid suicidal thought patterns when they consistently fail on a daily basis to meet baseline life expectations"" 

​

More importantly, I want these questions to be answered without all of the repetitive, annoying attempts at being uplifting and sympathetic using cliché rhetoric that gets extremely tiring. I just want straight to the point, intelligent direct answers or thoughts/opinions people have to questions like these. 

​

I hope this made sense and hope there is information out there that can do this. I am just tired of seeing stuff online that tries to overreach way to much on the sympathetic side which I find counterproductive. I just want to find information that looks at the issue of suicide, the causes, the differing philosophical standpoints and everything else from a more objective standpoint and less mainstream and predictable",10.970194805194799,11.094201225108225,9.489794372294373,61.31183441558444,56.22943722943722,12.461904761904762,44.1417748917749,11.777199140851707,5.639011255411256,2234,115,316,55,24,688,223,462,0.185,0.693,0.122,-0.9921,2,3,0,0,0,8,53.0,0,1,8,6,23,14,2,3,29,0,34,5,0,9,3,94,65,26,10,14,16,0,2,1,0,8,5,1,0,3,32,15,0,2,26,0,0,2,6,9,0,5,3,12,30,5,54,46,13,38,1,2,9,0,35,24,0,18,8,234,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.049212527772872584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223040100081095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856407927458574,0.24511248893046325,0.0,0.0,0.038578907909842086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210704825453266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681748199987989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149479647567518,0.0,0.0,0.051805630419512964,0.05334838589402411,0.043441087657327765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343539312473011,0.0,0.0,0.10537749510913387,0.0,0.0,0.1323952277822229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042127898732631626,0.0,0.04466612266424285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248955569637207,0.0,0.04532334497055472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02549898666600717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765533260682859,0.0428958389165251,0.0,0.0,0.03896218979899131,0.0,0.02634765910314104,0.0,0.02866060243655362,0.04229839655776451,0.0,0.0,0.1111089373764566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04517548688653317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056838416493597825,0.0,0.10140675013457627,0.0,0.0,0.10017698681897584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056929473218591015,0.0,0.10527189755257296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027715078066862846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686086693173062,0.0246376119541822,0.0,0.04453072466496962,0.0,0.21174302098859504,0.0,0.0,0.04287388923024938,0.0,0.047718204017947616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699678731927184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037071944745288105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251827437115857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480949609212587,0.08806728066510047,0.0,0.0,0.09534553795017772,0.0,0.04829811997420986,0.0,0.05437220466615406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694798458265981,0.05363864594664912,0.0,0.0,0.03230682967858993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048935314782789,0.0,0.12055884223837865,0.0,0.052609619210465294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051407162046066684,0.042729281612951586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773042829941141,0.5516237206443074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791717820621335,0.08106764910020632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032313588087294294,0.0,0.08007177296110879,0.0,0.11592402118888218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034238744837025145,0.0,0.0,0.052499539071849725,0.0,0.13066630982609684,0.0,0.04161013493810728,0.11897997827917894,0.12008725867806565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048612841297707814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494468510683934,0.05513742548857317,0.24511248893046325,0.0
suicidewatch,Plumface-sama,2019/03/23,"I see no future for myself It just seems like I can never surpass mediocrity in anything I do because I can't summon the will to keep going with it. I lose interest too easily and can't summon any real passion anymore. I remember the fire I had when I was a kid. It feels extinguished now by the crushing expectations of the world. I can't stay on task with anything, even if it's something I care about. Something that should take me one hour takes me three or four. It's like my brain is actively rejecting tasks at this point. I've been on ADHD medication and hated how it made me feel.  I don't know how I'm going to survive in the world past college like this when I can hardly even get through college. I'm already taking a minimum amount of classes per semester and even that's feeling like too much now. For God's sake, I'm 27 years old and still working on my bachelor's while my peers surpass me at an alarming rate. I've just lost my will to do anything. This isn't how it was supposed to go. This all probably sounds so banal and I hate myself for not being able to just deal with the shit that everyone else seems to be able to deal with. At this moment I feel like I'm just not cut out for life.",3.5002700309871635,4.49579507171315,4.704110225763613,86.17302235502437,72.38645418326693,7.649490925188137,27.490261177512174,7.984000788550335,1.5969891987605145,957,34,201,13,18,316,138,251,0.097,0.767,0.13699999999999998,0.8005,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,19,16,4,1,9,0,19,5,2,4,2,36,44,14,0,3,8,0,6,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,3,9,8,0,3,6,8,24,8,29,33,3,29,0,3,1,1,3,12,1,4,18,131,39,4,0.2279718259414668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698891657089035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578628940248746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751432956360606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304339673846905,0.0,0.0,0.2814020824370893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948475456796524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724597628008685,0.0,0.0,0.1162162350365338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350289423363669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522060393415917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22585986147126294,0.0,0.0,0.10891842460252256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305388099659061,0.16286311800350856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059552934932145724,0.0,0.19434246344298906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210898890675964,0.22507498096429526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122531635625112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131591678472787,0.0,0.0,0.0626436767795609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051162129515796,0.2784387971332054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752108014689836,0.12442908899231872,0.0,0.0,0.10785622691698286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482881539176668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379276142073085,0.0,0.08791296309166648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960904116836865,0.0,0.07723980460758315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881245170545917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775353126040044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289609311875307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974092365285728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912381917008225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908320148317726,0.20753698831412126,0.0,0.0,0.11700490164287422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550384930545182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149381691849227,0.091029297340034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571096624962786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298310220836529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734031907781967
suicidewatch,ye-gasp-haw,2019/03/23,"My existence feels like and walk through glass. Everyday I wake up with a fake smile , being forced to act normal so that I don't""just harm myself but other's as well"". People say I distance myself from them because I'm depressed ,but I think I do it because I'm afraid that if I stay near these people I actually might harm them...physically. I've had a therapst stop treating me before last year ,and I'm with a new one now,but people... The way they look at you when you're barrers are peeling away because you feel like you can trust them . ""Freak"" ""faggot"" are the main two things I here on a daily bases and the only thing keeping me from killing myself is a cult like promise I made to my friend.",4.851349206349209,5.396571214285718,5.226666666666667,85.29611111111113,69.0,7.650793650793651,28.41269841269841,7.3871296695380915,1.4685317460317455,550,18,112,5,9,175,95,140,0.117,0.696,0.187,0.86,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,3,0,4,15,1,1,8,0,8,1,1,1,0,16,17,9,1,2,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,2,2,4,22,8,13,13,1,15,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,2,9,71,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.17100334830278394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463834444997436,0.0,0.0,0.32046351353138003,0.0,0.14911143852206502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092900111647758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720740208020194,0.2503747637141984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538554539579548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575625123987347,0.19387073241036085,0.0,0.0,0.1428393004061797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568318065957331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715263453203786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581088254040915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858958451969834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692423287700483,0.0,0.0,0.17169235738562705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874326161149555,0.13327354203875644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36445609075200414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393533074779463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677639281748415,0.0,0.14650367788299115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328356959765468,0.11228303053455882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117839786294844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390927896600308,0.0,0.0,0.15755663383033278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284511049679954
suicidewatch,XHyorinmaru,2019/03/23,Ugh. Here I am. 3 years later...or more. In the same exact spot as I was. It’s almost a reoccurring nightmare at this point. Nothing has changed but time. Other than that everything is the same and I don’t know if I can move on. It’s almost insane to expect something different ,0.23714285714285666,2.651867,2.522142857142857,89.44785714285717,93.28571428571428,4.942857142857143,19.5,6.6274283507984215,0.4423642857142856,216,7,43,3,8,73,48,56,0.102,0.898,0.0,-0.6137,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,10,7,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,6,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874440262956507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31029831878242303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064615641307529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636210545131842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120341759083065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117574134406758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814526700906655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27728636615283164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258154514775855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103981484415626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18889129476157795
suicidewatch,depressionxo,2019/03/23,"I'm slowly losing my battle So, I had some traumatic experiences from 2016-2018 was when I was pretty suicidal due to these experiences. I got out of the court system and felt good about myself like I could start all over, This was in may. Now, I am having flashbacks constantly of everything and feeling really depressed and I'm not sure why. I feel trapped like there is no way out and that I'm a fuck up. I honestly just dont know what to do or how to help myself any further. 

I will be having a good day and it will change in a heartbeat. I will have extreme paranoia about everything and depression about most things. I need to get this off my chest i just dont know where. I need to re enter myself, but how? I know I have people who ""care"" about me and I havent self injured since November- early December. I'm so lost. 



TLDR: Feeling trapped and lost, got out of the court system feeling refreshed. But now I'm back in a dark place. ",2.1176198830409376,4.203823089473687,3.4940350877193005,88.81269005847956,78.63157894736842,6.538011695906433,23.18713450292397,7.594959193182576,1.0324678362573096,737,24,152,11,18,241,109,190,0.181,0.708,0.111,-0.9403,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,16,14,2,0,6,0,20,3,1,2,2,35,43,16,1,3,6,0,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,9,5,21,7,22,28,3,25,0,5,0,1,3,12,1,4,11,105,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924831975108176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457394741951254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865886577820186,0.0,0.14386768632190772,0.0,0.0,0.1469653552861538,0.0,0.10858321221928073,0.0,0.0,0.0877073585837654,0.0,0.2342694875811567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187769207075488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445218606000185,0.2660639748194248,0.0,0.0,0.2750583848950195,0.0,0.1305792575866681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572781537332747,0.07105326040598836,0.0,0.0,0.2281370784106061,0.21753979903380252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115648814734192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422257529766715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328833541613193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214680057757507,0.2969154239778312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016813562639212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942837813306358,0.0,0.1420888013544141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383586994944158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871237013147443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14187541135961648,0.0,0.0,0.11249882195140873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096259973987357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875956803459464,0.0,0.12817635853770612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035092457965084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794875841900592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271690113307515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirisou,2019/03/23,"at that place where your mind goes blank & you feel numb arguably one of the worse episodes for me because i feel so empty and devoid of apparent emotion. even when i'm sobbing and/or am in hysterics i don't let my mind dwell to the thought of suicide so easily. idk how or why but its at moments like this where i feel most vulnerable. that weight on your chest that doesnt seem to go away for hours; the one where your mind gnaws at you about how much better it would be to finally rest and be free.

it scares me because its at moments like these that i cant pinpoint why im feeling like this. is it my lack of academic or career based success? is it the lack of love and affection in my life, a lost sense of purpose, an issue with my self esteem, etc or is it a combination of those all piled into one? i have no clue, therefore no way of consolation

i know that im strong enough to push through moments like these-- i always have-- but sometimes it makes me wonder if theres ever going to be a day where i snap and act on impulse you know

idk

this desensitized state is dangerous lmao",3.787359865470851,4.857468573991032,4.503024103139016,87.60233884529151,71.78026905829597,7.548094170403588,27.390414798206287,7.8658589789855275,1.4565607623318382,864,30,184,11,16,277,135,223,0.154,0.6509999999999999,0.194,0.9625,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,6,0,4,14,15,1,2,8,0,15,5,1,5,2,35,30,15,1,4,6,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,19,6,1,0,9,0,1,4,5,6,0,3,2,5,21,10,28,23,8,29,0,2,0,1,8,15,1,7,12,126,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105792914936963,0.13775906668947546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945475571167885,0.0,0.0,0.1550100245532575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244738956627033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199652584149321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301842908598686,0.0,0.13137240064307928,0.14179772364184395,0.08397655689592284,0.11500785484616025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571486854597689,0.09083077315848684,0.0,0.13927861757113946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451625740229598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520995251545314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746718762852114,0.13270395028867685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974861012436926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001202904546855,0.08980465190805137,0.2484620118387593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879128061805862,0.0,0.11475125436352347,0.0,0.08486874221476215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38513366025812734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934645166840739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584655601754877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283706475913148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729202695127145,0.0,0.0,0.1157459425967111,0.13263756908960875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257473853094676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907348210547762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093710501656566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091996044787424,0.0,0.1548255610563672,0.0,0.0,0.22945302919677035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788083896851888,0.0,0.0,0.1295692775047263,0.09031852903569183,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_xox_,2019/03/23,"I want to die. I did not get to sleep till 2am this morning just worrying over my loneliness (no social life or friends just too boring for others). I have been snapping at my parents  for no reason (am disabled and still live at home) who don't take my anxiety seriously, had a panic attack on my way home from going out today (would rather not go into why). I just want to die, please no normie advice.",4.870370370370374,5.093726407407409,5.878617283950617,81.76977777777778,68.87654320987653,8.455308641975309,27.31111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.6869733333333323,313,9,63,4,5,104,62,81,0.289,0.613,0.099,-0.96,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,1,0,7,2,1,1,0,14,13,3,2,4,7,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,13,9,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846926050694046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458760821356548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150194329697324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392312802065302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602408774671274,0.0,0.09874683390863076,0.0,0.21483075497862825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379173016764135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334991752263097,0.0,0.0,0.16689407036538215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175557133306206,0.20986667001528025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746972920818427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194327678658738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914058216414686,0.19266586349873652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509389069656693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210755057805266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915377355114265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229590133148856,0.15002264579186145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054678961569986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919428234784422,0.0,0.1342630796705684,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gingerbodyslam,2019/03/23,"I hate my mother Yes, I know, parents can be there for when you’re down and what not; but, I just find sometimes it’s hard to find solace in her once loving arms. I believe she is the reason why I have low self esteem. I feel like I’ll never be good in her eyes. Now, mind you, she’s the youngest in a large family, and has been divorced once and dumped once. So, I can understand the pressure she’s under from her family; but, I feel like I tried to be the best for her but it’s not enough. Yes, I forget to do chores, but it’s because of my shitty memory due to shit that’s happened in the past. I feel like my best will never be enough for her, and I can’t say anything to any therapist or social worker because I don’t CCP on my ass and to live in a studio apartment with my dad. I just wish I could tell her my feelings without being questioned or choking up and crying. ",4.1468983957219265,3.7771580213903735,5.30096256684492,87.33614973262033,70.3903743315508,7.86951871657754,26.09090909090909,6.980632752743323,0.9884160427807492,678,17,153,5,11,226,106,187,0.18,0.639,0.181,0.0859,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,6,12,3,1,7,2,16,5,4,1,2,34,26,14,0,2,11,3,5,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,5,7,0,0,10,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,7,31,7,22,18,4,17,0,1,1,2,20,11,2,3,9,107,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315423132348598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062558320773972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908085736738547,0.0,0.0,0.13776708683330546,0.2566495150652232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763020515886807,0.0,0.13431825370261433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25269475543567804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230548399511676,0.0,0.24731269225795924,0.2620694289321398,0.0,0.0,0.22352243678902395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256221617662414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813132964264988,0.0,0.10953838511616942,0.12072565896913587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720159768145666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921871434557474,0.0,0.10797501043220914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036199390200994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123467404635701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886189278914905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906709276764953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577687831965768,0.0,0.11672958833458905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698098903513253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572365863273058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724154082407964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756415319585315,0.0,0.12551811661106582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464851852233168,0.0,0.0,0.1209375204453411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687764464299186,0.0,0.0,0.14197588693790308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301973207886623,0.0,0.0,0.12729723851604904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033820043827418,0.0,0.14061535342592033,0.11787304351659172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cr1053287p,2019/03/23,"I feel like I am falling apart Lately I've been contemplating taking my own life. It's always been one of the most comforting thoughts to me. I've tried before, and failed obviously but I'm just so tired of fighting so hard. 

I am 22 years old, but I feel like I've lived through a whole lifetime of hardships and trauma. My first boyfriend abused me, raped me, and manipulated me for just over 2 years. I was 18 by the time my case was settled, a restraining order in place, treated for PTSD, and left with the proper tools to live my life coping with my trauma. Or so everyone thought... I'm just starting to realize now that I do not know, or understand what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. 

I have been in countless horrible relationships where I blamed myself for all of the problems and nothing working out. I'm currently doing that actually. I fell for someone already married with 2 kids, and I actually believe him when he says it'll work out for us. I believe him when he tells me he loves me. I understand how toxic of a situation this is, but toxic is all I know. I have lived my whole life with men telling me they love me, and then hurting me moments after. It's scary how normal all these feelings are to me actually. My depression comes and goes, but the suicidal thoughts seem so routine at this point. I don't think I've ever really known real happiness, at least not the type that lasts. I'm not a positive person, I don't think I ever was. Or at least it doesn't feel like it. Life seems so cruel and unfair.

 I was 15 and loved a boy, and thought he loved me too. I honestly thought everything he did to me was okay because he loved me. Obviously I've learned that wasn't love, but I don't think I'll ever understand what a healthy relationship is meant to look or feel like. I'm tired of feeling broken because of what someone else did to me. I'm tired of fighting every single day. My self-worth was robbed from me at 15, and I never learned how to get that back. I feel constantly worthless and hopeless. I know that I will never experience things the way I was meant to because of what happened to me, and that makes me not want to experience things at all. 

I'd rather die than experience more milestones and relationships the way I do right now. Ive spent years in therapy and seeing doctors and I haven't learned how to get any of it back, so I think I'd rather just stop it all. Do myself the courtesy of ending my life before I have to experience more things in the twisted, painful, way I do now. ",4.396555618294748,5.369922280632412,5.346309429700735,82.4819486166008,70.26482213438734,8.470604178430266,30.46504799548277,8.759644201051973,2.288439819311124,1998,81,407,34,35,656,214,506,0.208,0.672,0.119,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,5,1,55.0,1,0,1,4,28,28,4,0,17,1,37,17,0,6,12,99,86,39,2,5,19,0,8,4,0,2,10,1,0,4,24,24,0,2,31,0,1,3,12,13,0,2,21,11,63,15,51,62,14,54,0,5,2,7,29,18,0,7,33,267,87,8,0.0,0.07336223715781713,0.1812679524584121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832761686568417,0.0,0.05152040752824856,0.0,0.0,0.042106094687913695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522163269538486,0.0,0.11323319204371428,0.0,0.10537464292283716,0.13951987555545609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053336534202244656,0.0,0.06691093444079778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03993173294990001,0.0,0.05332954251191093,0.0,0.06426069852614631,0.0,0.0,0.06337529245544082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172421393649622,0.0,0.054840619966871035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802405588751598,0.05216825274989292,0.05916492505826236,0.05564755096030274,0.2422691952336315,0.0,0.0,0.2191518107496697,0.17693579771460188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052667083235870285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469878618090799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475353367108191,0.06591244194263324,0.05546601227928026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628407683019055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208488937190044,0.05047111215891652,0.06984575545198289,0.0,0.06727365906929636,0.0,0.21867117788521973,0.12099925701875995,0.0,0.16402313896092685,0.0,0.0519951939055088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352983359637537,0.0,0.0413304821775614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955093482475465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066610660929745,0.059411611984885274,0.0,0.06497211085123658,0.0,0.041956971630827705,0.0,0.06588469730266197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406406446755339,0.06469071880025905,0.0,0.058532150323050786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924678588996728,0.07237836688688333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047579005043066,0.03966600329417723,0.0,0.0,0.2659053432828635,0.0,0.05287729641166098,0.0,0.04923936473670326,0.0,0.0,0.04934031473577096,0.11273492437328254,0.06459356580849153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959798233664351,0.0,0.0,0.1049251716791259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382559955167722,0.0,0.0,0.05176589031940069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677278103048408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655433326626584,0.0,0.10823743190776088,0.0,0.07080817756220223,0.0,0.12340591657353785,0.1586972048039404,0.0,0.2457783107816677,0.036104653440360616,0.21349553571638946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203798945936095,0.0,0.0,0.19337523153627512,0.0744792551770239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652060769592228,0.14744193861490554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825758969512414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901535078418009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961872283623062
suicidewatch,peachhhhhhhhh,2019/03/23,"I’m still here I had leaned forward for a few seconds and my vision was going sort of blank, but I could see tiny specs of white and a ringing in my ears. I started to feel relaxed. Next thing I knew, the bucket I was standing on broke in the middle, and I fell right through it. It was a pretty small and flimsy bucket. I fought and kicked around for a good 1-2 minutes thinking it was over and choking in the process. Fucking terrifying. Luckily, I was in a shed, and I managed to loosen the rope off of the supporting beam. All I could think about was how my family was going to feel and what an idiotic idea the whole thing was. I walked back to the house, feeling shameful, lit up a smoke. I lived to see another day. This was about half an hour ago. All I can think about now is that I wished it had worked. ",3.2683932135728533,4.2194290479041925,4.110553892215569,90.37904441117769,72.89221556886228,7.00379241516966,25.89271457085828,7.1686216300943375,0.9590522954091814,629,20,140,6,12,202,100,167,0.14,0.728,0.132,-0.5302,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,3,1,15,0,15,2,1,1,2,25,32,10,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,8,1,0,5,0,5,0,2,13,9,17,3,23,17,4,26,0,1,4,1,1,13,1,1,9,99,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418934308015408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239365509243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484551407118294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375088252109602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777575260316581,0.0,0.0,0.11217838576096406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397730849463651,0.0,0.2638513413165248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080684222592734,0.0,0.0,0.197710821345578,0.14589453839202354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712981155023862,0.2007060462119439,0.0,0.1963596706268708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359422692029814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498959643457832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696184009972887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854576339840514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27721896602589363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311724659888296,0.0,0.1389105357478031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738764691493185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23111905397711754,0.33436558367036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420035251988185,0.20002504668558102,0.0,0.0,0.12663205717956405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yhandi,2019/03/23,"What do I say to someone who is having suicidal thoughts? My friend is saying he’s giving up on life because he hates work/family/stress. His parents know he’s very depressed and that he’s attempted suicide before. I don’t know what more to do at this point, he keeps shutting down everything I say",5.104322033898306,6.111316677966106,5.5625,81.4535805084746,68.66101694915254,8.611864406779661,31.69915254237288,8.841846274778883,2.607301694915253,240,10,45,4,4,77,44,59,0.238,0.6759999999999999,0.086,-0.8977,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,5,12,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,6,11,1,6,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,0,0,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414927504967585,0.0,0.17329970070663875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541210104794905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303651920395497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734724800220165,0.0,0.0,0.19536927589275888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107213368081356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102240841210746,0.0,0.0,0.22385247258869145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385111495343958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614038193184255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252457424939626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858759338204898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256049789796646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23329189706346895,0.0,0.0,0.4455420746313603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168332918512893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804086873168878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826694063464965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedemptionDenied_,2019/03/23,"Feel like it’s my time to go Life goes by fast, and leaves so little room for major mistakes. For stagnation.

I was handicapped by mental illness from birth I believe. Growing up always seemed scary to me as a kid and teenager, but nothing is scarier than not growing up at all. 

27 years old, no job, no career, no skills, no friends, no money, no girlfriend, and nowhere to live except with my mother. Massive school debt. A severe deficiency in directing my own life back from the brink. Two elderly parents who do not understand what’s the matter with me. I’ve survived so much trauma only to exist, in constant mental anguish. I’ve lived  
miserable and isolated for over two years now. Alone, afraid, confused.

My siblings all have their own families and have no care in the world how I am, I’m only a cardboard cutout to them now. The only people who truly cared, my parents, have tacitly given up on me figuring life out on my own. After being stuck as a NEET for 4 years and watching everyone I ever knew grow up while I stay frozen, despite every effort only capable of treading water, I no longer have the fight in me. The voice that tells me “it’s not too late! You can have a life worth living if you give it all you’ve got!”

I am afraid to die. There is so much I want to learn and understand and experience but I know I can’t regain my life, I can’t survive on my own because of whatever is wrong with my brain. And yet I feel it’s my time to go, and if I can’t muster the strength the pain of loss and change will destroy me and leave me in a nightmare on the streets where I will lose my mind completely.

I must find the courage to close my eyes to this world forever to this world where I never belonged. 
",3.8792441860465097,5.055583924418606,4.766516279069768,85.39708837209305,71.67441860465118,7.597023255813955,28.00418604651163,7.976525956113202,1.7095673488372092,1346,49,271,18,25,437,189,344,0.229,0.669,0.102,-0.9939,4,1,0,0,1,0,39.0,0,2,2,7,13,19,2,5,16,0,20,10,2,1,6,47,37,23,1,5,8,3,2,1,2,3,7,1,1,1,10,17,1,0,10,0,3,5,15,13,0,2,5,5,39,6,46,28,10,50,0,3,2,0,15,26,0,4,19,184,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436923949314136,0.0,0.0,0.08385024711888589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748732798934088,0.0,0.06142958095275039,0.0,0.0,0.11353536010858199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124947054848358,0.0,0.0,0.20548722270343847,0.0,0.10660324939606487,0.0,0.10565736148039052,0.10889856383104576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458526455745154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115390246321847,0.08490462507387167,0.09629181570789318,0.0,0.09857420032292684,0.09499872633834124,0.0,0.10190654466296747,0.07199142570064082,0.0,0.0,0.0921036400511827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785607692816711,0.0,0.0,0.09666953547922302,0.11454192280361515,0.0,0.08059644956714272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000050611369267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538157021399484,0.0,0.11367502967912048,0.21340566560882826,0.0,0.0,0.35589066902081723,0.049232032940838416,0.10099986169856116,0.2669501542189494,0.0,0.0,0.11273791732838033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031086345204386,0.0,0.10175083591589354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815780102999412,0.0,0.07772145870866284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669330243423532,0.0,0.10574309894044888,0.0,0.0,0.30656611416305524,0.10722834727485714,0.0,0.2237904150952074,0.0,0.0,0.06986250847674393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019864863801378,0.0,0.09173890232181947,0.0,0.11384350049004673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740937789962332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807903361404043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752174559007755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19687889831216795,0.20981408764540568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943784467457745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017819230916456,0.0,0.19468129137689735
suicidewatch,coopcoopcoop_,2019/03/23,"I think about killing myself everyday And its one of the only things that brings me comfort. 

Nothing brings me joy or happiness anymore. I'm just tired and burnt out on life. Just going through the motions. I still do the things I enjoy. But thats mostly just to pass the time when im not working or sleeping. The thought of dying sounds so nice. Just to be done with life and decide its not for me. No more hurt or anxiety. Death is the only idea I find solace in.",1.1315570599613167,3.5681910531914944,2.1788974854932306,94.66136363636365,85.27659574468085,4.69477756286267,21.31141199226305,6.11248444174946,0.1832680851063828,365,12,76,3,11,115,66,94,0.18,0.6859999999999999,0.134,-0.7290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,6,0,4,4,1,0,0,21,10,9,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,2,1,8,5,11,7,2,12,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590930924396128,0.0,0.20624596422344416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583542896715127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282098303826585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900767641024889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819162645737735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138321722681475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263144479381594,0.23476781578343114,0.22463850354135245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300830914338285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937844658654322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19954857405059484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092285296926366,0.3163343757706321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081157610538551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608157348556493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763261687846594,0.1332559404906318,0.0,0.16510143324009807,0.12126639675166155,0.23902583066989103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514014124045925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeahokgoodbye,2019/03/23,"I'm living in my car and want to kill myself. Basically, I make pretty-ok money (about $4K after taxes) but my credit score is shit (yeah, I've paid off everything—please don't suggest I take out a fucking secured credit card) and people are checking credit scores just to rent spare bedrooms in their houses. I've applied to dozens of places and I keep either never hearing anything back or they're rejecting me based on my credit score. I'm paying $30-$40 per application and it's literally just burning money.

I'm so sick of showering at Planet Fitness and waking up in the middle of nowhere. I'm tired of only being able to go to Starbucks (or whatever public place) after work until they close. I'm sick of eating out. 

No, I can't pay a year's (or six months, or whatever you're going to suggest) worth of rent upfront. That's illegal in California. My grandparents and parents are all dead, so no, I can't live with them or have them be a cosigner. I have cousins that live in Colombia, but obviously that doesn't help me at all unless I move there. 

So yeah, I'm thinking that April 1st might be a good day to kill myself. Kind of funny, too, in an ironic sort of way. ",3.575991561181436,4.950465354430381,5.1289662447257385,81.74171940928271,72.67088607594937,7.2919831223628675,26.246835443037966,7.793537801064563,1.5467620253164551,927,31,178,12,18,313,145,237,0.193,0.662,0.145,-0.9632,5,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,4,1,9,12,4,0,6,2,13,7,2,1,4,31,29,18,3,1,11,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,0,5,10,1,2,1,0,14,4,7,5,0,2,1,1,19,7,34,24,3,32,0,1,0,1,11,18,2,7,9,106,24,8,0.1571551322520593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932528335836374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208425960944456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135205918286903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080893411563427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452873874029653,0.0,0.0,0.1786297666005785,0.13181426875828006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712525573518148,0.0,0.1053377724605426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813359225669229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968670238778275,0.3477377387338505,0.16365288655720614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41631258298218776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490227110785096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671676029981894,0.0,0.0,0.12543972721617494,0.16703103462225005,0.0,0.0,0.12120772629937693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952355975917076,0.0,0.0,0.17450217630990292,0.0,0.0,0.10895158102704584,0.0,0.3283873288771261,0.17250914241226778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131748487680492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816110125602247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006986631010033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806267060698653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269416875133954,0.12474242901239832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441080798809075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120275263692016
suicidewatch,trashyyy007,2019/03/23,"Feeling SO STUPID How could I be so stupid? How could I let him do this to me? How, how, how? 

It’s my fault, I got pregnant before it’s obviously possible. I had an abortion that HIT HARD. I knew it was the right choice, but that didn’t make it easier. It’s okay I’ll get through it. 

I’m sitting here now, wondering how the FUCK did I let him abuse me, how was I okay with everything he did to me. All the excuses I made for him, SO FUCKING PATHETIC. Now he doesn’t even want me, but he kept trying to get me pregnant. 

Now I think I am. It’s too early for a test, but all the same symptoms are happening. I’m too WEAK for anything. I can’t go through an abortion again. I’m too weak to go through a pregnancy. I’m just too fucking weak. 

I always think about why he didn’t kill me, he came close, said he wanted to. Why didn’t he? I was driving today and wanted to oh so badly crash into someone, just drive faster. Or I could just use the razor blades I keep in my car. But I’m TOO FUCKING WEAK to do anything. So I just wish I was dead. I can’t even begin to deal with what I’m supposed to do if I’m right and I’m pregnant. ",-1.0779435483870972,0.9143009637096782,1.5187096774193556,98.42306451612906,91.78225806451613,4.651612903225806,18.887096774193548,6.207218560251982,-0.21844838709677414,861,27,212,9,31,294,112,248,0.258,0.687,0.055,-0.9965,0,0,0,0,1,1,35.0,0,0,0,0,29,15,7,0,9,2,24,9,0,10,3,45,60,20,2,8,10,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,11,7,0,2,5,0,0,6,6,13,0,0,16,3,29,2,20,37,3,20,0,0,0,4,13,5,4,3,8,132,40,1,0.0,0.14988533868327916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526060859976466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082023382733568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562469954805526,0.0,0.0,0.10764471378607697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446857018775492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030069941292089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041901182612572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710804295816212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369271638537078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396370481958323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677998453728984,0.13218516575852735,0.0,0.14378911116864446,0.0,0.10117598485296396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118661624337061,0.0,0.11332181729963765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244165606133197,0.13995679814142672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587157242197293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197001730423115,0.08444171768917942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261309615653045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160656977858653,0.12033329749486375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071855596476397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131485027471654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211599599231796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991002807763765,0.0,0.0,0.08588721570916602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925795314999226,0.0,0.0,0.22384419554901244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22829851614073465,0.0,0.14547217738838036,0.0,0.13718707942512318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vegetavergil,2019/03/23,"I wanna die meaningfully Now this is a bit suicidal, but not to the point of danger levels.

​

I want to die, but meaningfully. What does that mean?

I still do my best in school, exams, help out my family and hang out with friends. However, if there is a chance to die meaningfully, I would probably take it (after some contemplation of course).

​

So what does a meaningful death look or sound like?

Saving someone is always the most ideal situation I aim for, especially if it results in my death.

​

I have so much hypothetical burdens and self-expectation that I just want to be relieved from it. But I still want to pay back some of my worth to my parents. It may sound rude and disgusting of me, but I had consider signing up on insurance, waiting for a few years to go by so it doesn't look like I planned to die, and have the insurance money go to my parents for their leisure. They had never voiced out their dissatisfaction, and even seemed to enjoy their lifestyle, but I always wished I could give more but career paths seem to get more and more competitive and meaningless.

​

Before people start talking about handling my hypothetical burdens and self-expectation, I also have a strong hold on existential crisis (which probably should also be handled), making inaction more logical to me, since I wouldn't matter much anyways and should put more of that time and money to being more career successful and showing gratitude to my parents.

​

Might sound exaggerating, but not a day goes by where I wonder ""How can I die meaningfully"".

Was wondering if anyone shared similar thoughts as me.",8.241894317048853,8.704349576271188,8.137647058823529,67.62718843469595,61.711864406779654,11.280159521435692,36.33599202392821,10.966923227221727,4.1821066799601185,1315,56,217,32,17,424,160,295,0.212,0.613,0.175,-0.9573,4,0,0,0,0,2,58.0,0,0,4,5,16,16,3,0,9,0,22,0,0,4,1,67,42,29,8,14,14,3,0,2,1,6,0,4,0,0,12,15,0,2,12,1,4,4,5,5,0,0,4,6,31,11,38,28,14,25,0,0,2,0,12,11,0,13,12,165,43,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203927899734352,0.11657583784292715,0.3795003339626831,0.4255972514617662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898118313790288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386477972903042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059608113927445375,0.0,0.07351404536281751,0.0,0.07647738527403115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559299036977042,0.0,0.0,0.045177003138050134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363508613890031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260394193514705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626792581119269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603770708750076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541211130015872,0.0,0.0365986779235214,0.0671991584974039,0.07962302484355956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046953608198712415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844661388596136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765014261614097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04675948638080562,0.0,0.0,0.07630591184529859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431288188867427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029908699228336,0.0,0.05402753407804878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333495371571561,0.0,0.0,0.04856443921946807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662206957594088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105332878176853,0.0,0.0,0.07042045250297133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089520011529582,0.0,0.1275433259700888,0.14615662830808235,0.0,0.0,0.057946787070001664,0.07874009050319403,0.0,0.0,0.05935385794745718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958235223492869,0.0,0.11188539872126603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662426027224846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526695213227702,0.056304219813626516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055612550206017866,0.04084721401447389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395341899277455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055502047478794,0.0,0.15193431748069605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976211403830883,0.0,0.4255972514617662,0.045110450742871934
suicidewatch,throwaway525thousand,2019/03/23,"😞 i want to kill myself
please let me swim in an ocean of darkness and nothingness
feel nothing
feel pure
feel free
i’d rather rot in hell than live in this hell
killing myself would be worth that
i can’t tell anyone this 
you’re my only friend now
the only one who won’t tell my darkest secrets
secrets
secrets
secrets
such a pretty yet cruel word
as is love 
what a  wicked cursed word
i hate that i love at all
i don’t think i can be loved
imagine if anyone saw this
how broken and torn and wasted away i was
how much i hate myself
no one knows
i need sleep
eternal
forever
so as to not understand pain 
over and over again 

everytime i awake i relearn what it’s like to hate myself",1.9877622377622368,3.8775477762237776,2.9755244755244767,93.32174825174828,78.23076923076924,5.51888111888112,21.48951048951049,6.297961479604792,0.19049370629370665,544,15,117,4,13,173,96,143,0.287,0.5329999999999999,0.18,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,8,15,8,0,4,0,10,5,1,2,2,27,25,10,2,5,3,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,11,1,2,1,6,9,0,2,2,4,18,7,14,18,2,12,2,0,1,3,11,7,2,1,5,75,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837569081700266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999521648243432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22602439941364025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512098715275787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44133512620295706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297041797166929,0.0,0.08188931788827744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236783201391982,0.0,0.07279637576544715,0.0,0.13157425207634718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034488187735272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953590896116804,0.11048540946407777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297443265166834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20193945305594016,0.2266502184704084,0.15855195478741546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356287787388835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159177674860214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911273109373746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604740875003138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547646521534124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511958630139908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878870811777844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584896306050136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Akuzetsunaomi,2019/03/23,"Finally throwing in the towel. For the first time I’m at peace with my decision. 

Thank you all in this sub, reading your responses helped for quite some time. ",2.1020000000000003,4.949599533333338,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,87.0,7.0,24.16666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.8596666666666668,126,5,24,3,4,39,26,30,0.0,0.818,0.182,0.7184,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,2,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228209031113857,0.0,0.32831336560375624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25871345001092955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105359592440213,0.3860832460544175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553574162832994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501346783103721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OldSchoolHardcoreG,2019/03/24,"Women will be the death of me. So I’m going to start by just saying I feel the need to vent it all out since no one irl understands. 

Throughout my entire life women have been the source of my deepest pain. It all began with my mother, who was physically and emotionally abusive. She led to me having very little self confidence and always doubting myself. She also divorced my dad and spiraled dived my family life into non existence. As I got into my teenage years , I found out I was quite attractive but also too weird for any girl I found pretty. 

I have a relatively above average IQ along with ADHD that leads me to talking way too fast and using large words which few people understand. So normally maybe girls would find this attractive but for someone who comes from a working class family like me with no money to back up the brains. It’s repulsing. I’ve been through too many experiences at this point in my life, 24, that have led me to believe I have no chance what so ever at true love. 

I already went on a tangent right there but need to add at 19 I fell in love with a girl in college who didn’t reciprocate those feelings, which led to my first attempt and also me failing out of college. My mom then told me in the hospital she wished i had gone through with it and killed myself (when i tried to tell her how i really felt about my childhood) 
Anyways, i came back home to my shitty small town. And experienced for the first time deep depression. 

5 years have come and gone and it hasn’t healed, it only has gotten worse. I had one other girl at 22 who i really thought i could make it work with but quickly fell out of love because we mentally did not match at all, most of the time I felt like I was talking to a wall. 
I also now live with unimaginable guilt that my only girlfriend I ever had, I lied to about having true feelings for so I could experience love. 

All of these things have led me to believe first and foremost that there is no one out there for me unless I make enough money to meet women of my mental and physical caliber. And the odds of that happening are incredibly, incredibly low. A steady sex life has been non existent my entire adult existence, which I’m sure others of you have experienced.

My pain there comes from the fact many of my friends and people I know have got to have incredible healthy sex through out their lives while I’ve maybe had sex 15 times in total. I should add to this I’m a sex addict (hurray whoopie lucky me, thanks modern internet)
I also hate myself more than you could possibly imagine as I feel like I worked hard and was given opportunity’s, in school and with girls that I have squandered. 

I’m a piece of shit who is very self centered and cold. I feel as if I have no love for anyone that is genuine because I’ve become very bitter to the world deep down. I can’t find a way away from my envy and jealousy even though I practice meditation. I feel as if my mind is my own worst enemy and have recently had a dream where a girl who rejected me that i was in love with, told me that i should just go ahead and kill myself to end the pain and suffering. 

I spent most of my night tonight browsing guns at Walmart and that’s the second time this has happened. I can’t go on living with all this resentment and cannot seem to find a way to make peace with it. 

I am tired of fighting this losing battle. I feel there would be more nobility in suicide so these girls would understand what they’ve done to me, my mother included. And as delusional as that sounds it would be sweeter than continuing to live while my pathetic life continues to whither away becoming more and more mundane as it has already gotten, working the hamster wheel with no real fun in between ever. 
",6.9480937510842775,6.236725290933695,7.0968876860622485,77.93114465146944,64.69688768606224,10.231719926442523,32.345199680788305,9.532500598960619,2.725201283786128,2966,99,585,49,39,958,323,739,0.171,0.7140000000000001,0.115,-0.9928,1,1,0,1,3,2,51.0,1,2,1,14,35,40,8,2,25,0,57,23,2,10,13,126,115,54,4,15,10,4,10,3,2,7,11,2,1,13,44,52,0,0,21,1,3,17,12,21,0,7,34,16,87,19,105,68,17,93,0,6,0,10,48,41,1,7,35,415,131,10,0.0,0.06694404559706528,0.0,0.06159406155994877,0.06790281616766948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469977133208975,0.2259177955612587,0.04701307708666228,0.0,0.0,0.038422387755683234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950657668462749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616846396543356,0.08689104323896163,0.0,0.06888455845904219,0.12480108463730563,0.0,0.12731379620810945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307342485587926,0.0,0.06462170555721321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601095260808994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533354369020975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04866393752289742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781979399550356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355564014319104,0.050042816384346746,0.058380287585166585,0.0,0.037318154482962544,0.15332425092954186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053697842934693,0.10652759169920767,0.0,0.1999790270837187,0.040364084332920665,0.10849899231170836,0.0,0.15492174484169774,0.14417830309707966,0.0,0.12390011950949313,0.043652271425025015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633188508292427,0.0,0.0903774819181884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999266978947843,0.0,0.0506134954298605,0.055782706509877884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667477092390254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501922281000447,0.0,0.03105128630043724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995404430159514,0.08281010871079778,0.056628506735875835,0.19956447929203755,0.0,0.0,0.063209788641817,0.0,0.0,0.30596432116827665,0.0,0.1131438921699463,0.1145656065912273,0.11352501867976635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387875670941695,0.0,0.057049562248323964,0.0661728926467123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378905014133055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053022043972675736,0.0553586526854775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148589327746372,0.08594259917249558,0.18036206437748767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834089008295815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341138836444367,0.06369600719931175,0.0,0.05748148576637053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060095409005850135,0.0,0.06431012310156231,0.07239154191730628,0.0,0.055787587587422784,0.0,0.0,0.04825125676602382,0.0,0.04493159431620679,0.0,0.05718168652728185,0.0,0.0514360808094752,0.11788502592849112,0.0,0.05799711776580771,0.04673793159637458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478728276923794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399914594806435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180255396905561,0.0,0.05325120542324645,0.0,0.0,0.09082618406634084,0.04938406909098947,0.05201821860899029,0.0,0.0,0.03753652935580844,0.0,0.055511613697787926,0.04485521456588908,0.13178396187555186,0.06493919956404044,0.0,0.10797760794363198,0.0,0.03836024080239682,0.0,0.0,0.1764575457187794,0.0,0.048798431265986486,0.0,0.13985689051778086,0.0,0.13454278718794765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237667987362591,0.0,0.0,0.06497297308558242,0.0,0.0,0.16453261987400594,0.0,0.05757900172258645,0.16054579724697088,0.0,0.0,0.0727691479617323
suicidewatch,Spiritofthemountain,2019/03/24,"Done I'm fucking through with all this shit. I don't even want help or sympathy at this point, just give me a gun or some rope, and I'll be out of your way. Sure, I am only 15, but I've already fucked up in every possible way. My grades are shit, I'm a literal Incel, I hold some opinions that I believe make me a terrible person, and everyone would hate me if they got out. I'm not going to get into college, I'm not going to be able to find anyone to marry me, etc. I'll never be able to do a lot of things that the majority of people get to experience. I will die a virgin living in section 8 housing. Pathetic. I'm a friendless outcast with no future. I've always considered suicide a ""plan B"" of sorts, but these past few days, I've been seriously considering it more and more. I am not afraid, I just don't have the means to go through with it. Just waiting until I can obtain a gun. I'm tired and feel as if I'm an old man nearing the end of his life. It's honestly probably for the best that I KMS, before I end up hurting others out of anger or drag others down with me.",3.787352216748772,3.5508072672413817,5.87716748768473,82.44172413793105,71.1551724137931,8.869950738916257,28.64039408866995,8.634040054169528,1.923716995073892,834,28,186,13,14,295,137,232,0.272,0.677,0.051,-0.9958,0,0,0,2,0,1,29.0,0,1,1,3,4,13,6,1,13,0,15,7,2,1,3,41,37,13,2,4,13,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,12,12,0,2,3,0,0,3,7,10,0,0,3,1,19,3,33,29,11,26,0,1,0,3,7,13,4,10,8,122,31,2,0.2667250010325201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716883558834848,0.0,0.11096828387669834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325016119355524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134816653270428,0.15025386929044152,0.1399557164793829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600778002859193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840922031244554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647614049933224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362391827402052,0.0,0.14873444086055793,0.08808467381929186,0.0,0.11236365856243187,0.12743358436769014,0.0,0.1304541157624011,0.0,0.0,0.06743208735580808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218909094064538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24658296550515785,0.13935280437105024,0.12793346261791572,0.22737894715026305,0.0,0.10666217455912884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166785913604512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939007293518861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388242000369576,0.14276731507149856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419787811233556,0.0,0.0,0.11776153127013142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338002885077478,0.0,0.0,0.08902050467139169,0.0,0.0,0.14527085961892836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285738193550817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994151030453686,0.0,0.0,0.10142819118704777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730959702424574,0.09245676595316124,0.11644699141935408,0.0,0.0,0.12607066955750626,0.1503461812481686,0.0,0.0,0.14378733173988098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737893806186245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587692995506565,0.0,0.12569257845621093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860011944385354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328057592708436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866065810773308,0.21171389079273945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094736894009683,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CurrentFormal,2019/03/24,I might just crash myy bike so they think it wasn't intentional Maybe that will be less painful for the family,1.504848484848484,4.218502818181818,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,89.0,6.56969696969697,16.424242424242426,7.793537801064563,0.3165878787878791,90,2,20,2,3,27,22,22,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.6494,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411651122865515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4701437140774534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964474438719489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979583168024153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998594370950592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roadtofitness1731,2019/03/24,"how do you guys keep going/get motivation back after a suicide attempt tldr of past few months: went through a horrible depression where i couldn't even function at all in school, even professors noticed and said i could leave the class and come back another lecture period. during this a family member killed themselves by train and it really really fucked with me, i tried to get help on campus and not get my family involved. i planned to exit bag new years day but ended up having people who care about me around that day, i ended up drinking myself to puking and basically at the line of passing out just to get through the day i planned. they knew something was up because they have not seen that side of me i let them know what was going on and in parts i regret doing that. i had a small timeframe where everything was bloomer mode and i was happy as can be but that was very very short lived.

now that comes to now. im not like crippling depressed like the last few months. im functional, like somehow i managed to get a co-op placement this summer, and a good one that people really wanted. they chose me out of the 4 people they took for interview out of like 100 applicants. no idea why they want me or whether i can do the job properly given how i am now. im stressed right now because im really numb and bored and really unmotivated. like i know im back in the same rut because i am eating somewhat crappy and i cant even play video games, like i open a game for like 3 minutes and i just cant play it anymore. i cant focus on school work because its a ton of assignments that are just super long and dull. and the course content is super dry and high in theory. im worried that im getting so procrastinated that i fail a class and lose the co-op placement and my whole year goes to fucking waste and i have to face not being able to do co-op. i dont really want to be an official instead of a failure in my head. i can get through this term, i got a month left but i dont have the motivation to do fuck all right now. yes i have tried different anti-d etc, yes i have done therapy, yes i go for nature walks, yes i am able to be around pets and stuff, yes i do exercise, yes i have been reaching gym goals, yes i have been able to go out with friends and hold a conversation. but right now im fucking unable to do anything. everyone thinks im better but really im not. im just not as likely to kill myself now. i just want to dissapear or have god smite me down. although im only 20 and i have a decent future for myself, i don't know if im strong enough to get past this for all that time to actually live it.",2.5920442035029154,4.067622225688076,4.288388240200167,86.37843723936615,75.36697247706422,7.449958298582152,24.496455379482907,8.150884317080207,1.3398348623853202,2063,66,439,34,44,695,251,545,0.16899999999999998,0.696,0.135,-0.9594,2,0,2,0,0,2,43.0,0,1,6,13,28,33,6,1,24,7,47,10,2,4,3,77,80,36,3,8,20,0,0,8,1,0,2,1,1,1,21,32,2,2,8,8,0,9,14,15,0,1,16,2,54,18,60,57,13,72,0,6,1,4,17,32,4,5,39,282,75,17,0.14808934450042713,0.0,0.048171279362551035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176152995216947,0.0,0.0,0.04895494565016946,0.0,0.0,0.04062163749798278,0.08788727557976622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387156491112195,0.0,0.12036518652247892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365766361923188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032898545187402,0.0,0.0,0.08504390504028181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941243048131905,0.0,0.0,0.0955053760769744,0.0,0.08503275694718379,0.0,0.0,0.0515739485975569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051560498205203,0.11570640589507555,0.04835705980271642,0.0,0.05051078998977372,0.0,0.0,0.08744213598746514,0.051005293215334084,0.055052921589434055,0.09781161537866072,0.0,0.0,0.04716857163319865,0.04436438466030911,0.0,0.09307030292057053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03813782006984261,0.18254161694765195,0.20632152090448636,0.0,0.08416258719987597,0.04140343870519917,0.03948019233868938,0.0,0.0,0.04887724454299952,0.0,0.05254795364362543,0.0,0.0,0.050660797078120316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033087055343075905,0.05215484104463653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055724948148005715,0.6931682520514467,0.0,0.04898527461865259,0.04387620456211549,0.10922594561863128,0.0,0.08138603086649569,0.0402375269964548,0.0,0.05226841113753826,0.05363316870109604,0.05047712937058209,0.0,0.1929305958431587,0.0,0.08717706954429348,0.04368480326099156,0.0,0.055224698902893735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820350192548244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767520390720901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620023341443429,0.0,0.0,0.03344972413861625,0.037542873218004175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345544296423013,0.09424535732284267,0.10266650528919632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136292763983928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646749105693333,0.04695562624618994,0.0,0.0,0.0999162151648043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038002137462400366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056545281261190725,0.0,0.05650895646257805,0.053995235670081285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645102385019528,0.0,0.0,0.03162989079007423,0.0,0.0,0.02878402922705364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484423688453679,0.06702862938394306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145947892243423,0.1164625763319541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576010199851696,0.044542533195858186,0.055112154853115436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0359369355106305,0.050130639256009885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357645503893067
suicidewatch,Ithinkineedhelp24,2019/03/24,"My girlfriend thinks about killing me and herself  I made a throwaway account and I don't know why I'm posting here, I don't know if this happens to other people. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half, lived together for about a year and 3 months. I've known about her depression and tried to help with the horrible panic attacks and suicidal thoughts all this time. I'm trying to be the best boyfriend and support and care for her and be as patient as possible (I've never even yelled and we really don't fight) but I know I can't fix her. She has deep childhood trauma that is likely the source of all this mental illness and it's getting worse. Lately she's missed a lot of school and work due to really bad days and tells me more and more she doesn't want to be here anymore. She rationalizes saying that she just made it up as a kid and it isn't real, and won't listen to me in the middle of episodes. There's so much going on with different levels of illness that I'm having a hard time following sometimes. But it got worse. 

Last night she told me she thinks about taking me with her, that she will be awake in bed with me sleeping next to her and she'll think about it. I was shocked, and didn't know what to say. I don't know why I'm writing this, I know I need to tell her family and get more real help, I guess I'm just still processing what she's told me and I'm realizing just how bad this has gotten. Any words are appreciated.",3.036664290805419,4.234345065573772,4.051247327156093,89.63620099786174,73.75409836065573,7.140413399857447,24.408410548823948,7.586124646067393,0.9530370634354948,1155,34,254,14,23,374,151,305,0.165,0.7809999999999999,0.053,-0.9868,1,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,15,14,3,1,11,0,22,3,1,3,3,58,57,28,2,3,6,0,1,1,2,3,2,4,1,1,17,26,0,0,12,0,1,2,10,10,0,1,10,5,37,4,34,40,8,25,0,2,0,0,32,8,0,3,15,163,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295991680304201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640144690155896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205625398785498,0.0,0.0,0.1791629738608812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125927506554381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938786269796154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919226148660787,0.0,0.09240750094855456,0.0,0.0,0.11209373599187493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086309845273177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114212938852288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121077148570565,0.0,0.06097457525563561,0.0,0.08580848232999419,0.0,0.11819047207105947,0.0,0.09487494128638302,0.0,0.09610949842979387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382655380204867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869892304714602,0.0,0.3537780024780848,0.08745451629662898,0.12102619691027885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052415783218270506,0.0,0.09473778607002238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121291819174966,0.0,0.20303810629222724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081216590179766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856367248611105,0.0,0.07886945467208221,0.0795531262423059,0.082747570793522,0.0,0.11410262718593615,0.10068306898499436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588003774365925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438039586547356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095175904991365,0.10275280701417462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442357961154745,0.1374636295150438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706403778954934,0.0,0.10858177576616164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736606741627668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611115381167803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568080247818484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735629822045215,0.1217498146984106,0.0,0.0,0.08066766360317003,0.0,0.18754990424775594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062385792102626,0.0,0.08517515214618059,0.12512167327489074,0.0,0.0,0.20503768121473925,0.0,0.14568381305628525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328158711560268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362252037077388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810736759598186,0.0,0.218672467832806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381806621409397
suicidewatch,Lonely_Potato420,2019/03/24,"My best friend is suicidal and I'm scared I absolutely love him and would lay down my life for him. He is an amazing person but he can't see that and I understand. I want to tell him how much I care and that if he did die I would be really heartbroken. Every time he doesn't show up for school I fear that the worst has happened and start freaking out. He has tried to kill himself several time and has self harmed. Luckily he was able to get help and I'm happy about that. He is slowly getting better and I hope it stays that way. I want him to be happy, I really think he deserves it after everything. I relate to him and I'm also slightly suicidal but I don't let him see that because he already has enough to focus on and I don't want to add on to the pile. I know it sounds really sappy but I do care for him and want him to be the happiest he can be. If he died I dont think I could go on.",0.19530612244898293,2.0595566938775534,2.7411836734693904,92.8645306122449,84.10204081632655,6.3689795918367365,18.983673469387764,7.554174236665415,0.4032538775510206,696,18,164,12,20,241,98,196,0.21600000000000005,0.564,0.22,-0.7212,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,3,16,1,2,4,0,24,2,0,1,0,31,46,18,5,10,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,9,13,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,3,27,10,20,36,4,13,0,0,2,1,26,6,0,3,4,106,36,1,0.1250338106762639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797791924392006,0.09998949322433667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762194504663775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312152703316362,0.1105822447783063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549606061022132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982932373122456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595307103781491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465386949093501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919335007296928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534637815878786,0.0,0.11237232680917236,0.0,0.0,0.14069779847934408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966008119687038,0.0,0.13065001099624676,0.0,0.07105959601261852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105669858505192,0.2662016329182903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380752769668624,0.0,0.0,0.12418678617932473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833138621303492,0.0,0.06871531243103479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785554271633173,0.08831507816972542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284789578122108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191423742169813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917470070361243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029958237875024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251806568115705,0.12654089164094745,0.1992715178538852,0.0,0.1304375333962065,0.14125261660492636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849957474215138,0.13326940590302394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273533390142343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928506161934314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023323447470478,0.0,0.0,0.14581644100119948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488975001429518,0.0,0.0,0.13016460646815772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949927242047617,0.09924601906998252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764086341827046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,o__dear,2019/03/24,i want to die. tonight it’s particularly bad. there isn’t much more to it. things just don’t go right. i called the prevention hotline but that’s basically useless. i’d rather submit myself to a mental hospital.... might be a smart idea tonight. ,1.9279432624113504,4.692119702127659,3.2820212765957457,85.4841666666667,86.02127659574468,6.5375886524822695,24.854609929078013,7.793537801064563,1.6453716312056734,194,8,38,4,6,63,38,47,0.185,0.7140000000000001,0.102,-0.5922,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,4,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844830081039316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479083718845778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536086450062761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363633247181974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38462605341265177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433608422073362,0.361445045138808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25046491726636355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29096896804062755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263560773856779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009626863440712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dancinginliquidfire,2019/03/24,"Emotional pain is too much to deal with. The last time my long term girlfriend told me she loved he was in January before we got into a big fight. I finally asked why she doesn’t say she loves me anymore. She stopped replying.

I feel like I’m being pulled apart inside.",2.548333333333332,4.652378648148146,3.4812592592592613,89.3396666666667,77.33333333333334,7.282962962962964,23.76296296296297,8.238735603445708,1.380945185185186,213,7,44,4,5,68,48,54,0.127,0.6829999999999999,0.19,0.5994,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,5,11,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,10,3,4,7,2,11,0,0,0,2,14,4,0,0,7,22,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368567198223193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232752576395292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322805670859706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462248390938382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686533458313225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076040683427948,0.1706213057255872,0.0,0.26162828701433466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910154067398879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467958817168685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668103058301008,0.0,0.0,0.21135840453018664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311095936393884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556866820699954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541336061173459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992843309246105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967386842972987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926459636394456,0.0,0.0,0.22821377916706675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550832434253187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jordensgirl99,2019/03/24,"sometimes i think it would be easier i’m so tired. everyday even just getting out of bed and taking my meds, which i keep on my nightstand, feel daunting and like i just can’t do it. i feel like it would be easier and far less tiring to just swallow all my meds (and i have a lot from bouncing around dose and brand) and wash them down with some vodka or bootleg moonshine. anything with a god awful alcohol content. i just don’t feel like i have anything left. i tried talking to a friend via instagram but he just kept sending me a black screen and didn’t even care. i don’t care. i just want it to be over. ",2.1279870129870133,3.875615420634922,3.205844155844158,92.48006493506495,77.33333333333334,6.169119769119768,24.15295815295816,6.980632752743323,0.7559936507936507,477,16,104,5,11,153,76,126,0.034,0.78,0.187,0.9398,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,0,4,1,12,6,0,0,1,31,24,10,0,3,8,0,3,3,1,2,5,0,1,0,5,11,2,2,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,15,6,12,17,4,9,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,3,4,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775082765060431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273369046392863,0.14786245825577893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33869601538299143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194123597597281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25195245839160185,0.2373209263890618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832692311472174,0.0,0.08677936331158707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763555754096966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046599159837232,0.0,0.0,0.24344131718103845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412106022598798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368994926254789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642751951509553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488504464197014,0.13350330187861706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642890852470403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38181049450768256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276965691387428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796891937795253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23598254463217694,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Librarian_Aurelius,2019/03/24,"It's been six years since my my closest friend killed herself and im not sure i can make it another six. Not sure how to srart this so I'll just start by saying I loved this woman and saying she was a close friend doesn't do her any justice she was so much...we were so much more than words could describe. 

We've been together her and since we could barely walk supporting each other through all the pain and suffering our lives threw in our faces.

I'm not going to bore you  with all the nitty-gritty of our lives but i just want to get across that she was the warmth and fire of my life and me hers or so i thought.

I believed we had finally overcame tge shadows of our shared past and moved foward into a brighter future together maybe even becone more than what we were I was so optimistic damn me for not seeing the pain still lingering there under the surface I can't express how i felt coming home to silence to find her bleeding out on the floor.

She was still conscious she told me she was sorry that she made a mistake and didn't want to die unfortunately the cuts were to deep i couldn't stop the bleeding the ambulance arrived to late i lost her forever.

I'm just rambling here im sorry i just turned 29(m) and i haven't been able to forgive myself I feel as though ive been living a hollow life dragging the wait of dead hope behind me. 

I don't know if anyone cares i have no family to turn too and no friends I can call im just not syre how much longer i can keep up this charade I'm just so very tired my heart hurts the pain won't stop it feels like ny soul was torn from me that day. 

I'm going to bed now thank you whoever is listening. ",1.4813561620613631,3.5317521729106645,2.60470333954908,94.56594295643332,80.58501440922191,5.696185794202408,20.580522122393624,6.794906146795322,0.20600566197660666,1312,36,292,14,34,418,191,347,0.165,0.684,0.151,-0.8066,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,7,2,0,1,23,24,3,0,15,0,31,11,2,5,4,62,63,24,3,8,14,0,4,1,3,1,8,3,2,1,11,19,0,4,8,0,0,6,14,11,0,2,22,8,50,13,31,37,7,30,1,3,1,1,35,12,1,3,13,189,61,0,0.09677556368101498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581070187857331,0.10147761653638407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766772426969858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903292034527462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881867067499203,0.0,0.09866913692601284,0.0,0.0,0.08336357901716802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545348258000075,0.0,0.0,0.0624122325316246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043775620983944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391934709923186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912313886338566,0.0,0.09786526555491697,0.06913648203038904,0.0929197175687668,0.10601289966037017,0.0884511119672871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243056813133608,0.0,0.0505612377592393,0.0,0.10999956606732204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146795089181748,0.0,0.0,0.09707378096921353,0.09611997082417438,0.0,0.0,0.10360024248034247,0.0,0.3136026466368039,0.0,0.0,0.08601856756824257,0.10706782272040287,0.0,0.05318531889944916,0.0,0.10916705107903557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367108852426677,0.047279652092005985,0.0,0.2563637872225621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564195970986873,0.0,0.0873437245923858,0.09157137829021432,0.06459844023164507,0.0,0.09722406123742894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285710874440478,0.2134235233338551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30892806882349955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238322591680932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539196250516994,0.0,0.0,0.07711759467930109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601074926560334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666464081760126,0.06849824207451508,0.0,0.1545701803315008,0.16181740912043738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981976282290072,0.18241964695520896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909793683044467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950814999602225,0.07682898762736391,0.0,0.11122927419080307,0.0,0.09247319832288067,0.0,0.0,0.21052804696453764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984997519376819,0.11416146965491752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062320290099084165
suicidewatch,pixeldyke,2019/03/24,"my life is falling apart and i don't know what to do anymore i keep trying to find an appealing method to end it but i always end up going back as im still pretty scared of what it's going to be like. but waking up every day is a burden, i don't have any support, no friends, my parents are absolute garbage and only care about themselves, and no therapist. im on meds for severe anxiety and depression but they never help, even after raising the dosage multiple times. i got accepted into my dream college but didn't go because of my anxiety as i couldn't deal with living on my own. everything i do fails and im not good at anything and i can't find a way out, and i have no idea what to do next",3.4415540540540515,4.011124371621623,5.250918918918924,83.77651351351355,72.17567567567569,8.352432432432431,28.313513513513517,8.548686976883017,1.9659789189189183,549,20,116,9,10,189,94,148,0.248,0.629,0.123,-0.9606,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,10,0,1,4,0,14,2,1,0,1,23,22,13,0,1,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,5,1,0,4,10,4,0,0,2,0,15,6,20,18,1,22,0,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,10,78,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734240479627543,0.0,0.0,0.09590045273905144,0.0,0.21576436593119186,0.0,0.13985688823488626,0.0,0.0,0.11604988505290632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084379559980933,0.0,0.08596629112378197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378231248825002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094814650786258,0.14538848561118514,0.12146287394178085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498089800203119,0.0,0.0,0.09314433899992614,0.0,0.11881793109528313,0.0,0.1267423485950673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778487208923384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895399368116174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404398042985301,0.11828337306126616,0.11278894857448953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452472144909928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919776319889528,0.4569870087105996,0.0,0.0,0.12534769176265134,0.0,0.0,0.07750253402461622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960869140492258,0.06889669782483268,0.0,0.12452586260668184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566447238339998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876560514148784,0.0,0.14997952417333674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725432035381574,0.0,0.0,0.15658931476013307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434710550567721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118859058524474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931581094791095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126211227856084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003119057814466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373853282830744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223162553023497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574533689892152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193746630343596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayCGrimmie,2019/03/24,"In about 15 minutes when my gf goes to sleep, I will attempt to kill myself Throwaway for obvious reasons. A couple close friends murdered in the last few years, extraordinary stress from my graduate studies and some false accusations from an ex threatening to take my entire life away have me wanting to take things into my own hands. I have no idea if 310mg of cipralex is lethal, but here we fucking go. I've posted on this subreddit a lot on my main reddit account, a lot of you are great people. I hope you find the peace I couldn't.",6.518857142857144,6.475886933333335,6.518809523809527,79.49535714285717,65.3809523809524,9.285714285714286,33.6904761904762,8.841846274778883,2.671761904761904,428,17,83,6,6,136,83,105,0.113,0.7440000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,2,0,1,3,7,3,1,6,0,6,4,2,1,1,16,12,4,3,4,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,14,3,16,10,6,12,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,5,3,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166281556352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749680874519216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961785015367136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583154041259626,0.19843266783732647,0.0,0.0,0.1219857476113866,0.0,0.0,0.23664308278566026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213187504652436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423042002367383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374690894994676,0.0,0.0,0.17496152302349105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160768482245432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36496116523283006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488054350397803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055672865328262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206872769695353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147965762280326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458711871164761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32276748829954466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259831806250128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660115600589453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382221303389975
suicidewatch,softchanges,2019/03/24,"Accepting that this is how it’ll end and that it’s just a matter of time. I had a manic episode yesterday which hasn’t happened in a really long time, though I think about killing myself everyday. I don’t like who I am, the things I’ve done and said. Nothing makes me happy anymore and I spend all of my time alone. I feel existentially homeless, New York City is eating me alive and I just wanna flip the switch. I can’t stop thinking about how fucked up our world is, the irreversible damage we’ve done to the environment, the corruption and greed, the atrocities committed every day. I stole a pair of fabric scissors from work about a year ago, no particular reason other than they were there and the weight of them was oddly comforting. They’ve been hidden in my dresser until yesterday, I crawled out of bed and sat on the floor, sobbing and squeezing them, adjusting my grip every few seconds. I have this thing where sometimes I’ll be falling asleep and I feel like I want to stab myself in the chest, or right below my rib cage, with what I’d imagine to be those scissors. Not every night and usually after something off might’ve happened, but intrusive nonetheless. I was at a mall recently and looked down over the ledge of the 4th floor and immediately envisioned jumping off of it, all while having a lighthearted conversation with a coworker.  I feel so much shame for things that I’ve done, things that people have done to me. I didn’t ask for life, I didn’t ask for any of this. I know I need to see a psychologist and should probably be medicated. I just don’t see the point in it anymore. None of this is real and my life is meaningless in a world of billions of people in an infinite universe, this is all so fucking dumb I can’t even articulate it anymore. Not killing myself tonight but god damn did I come close to it yesterday.",6.443050802493698,6.593869100278558,6.6899562276163955,77.54740018570105,65.51810584958217,10.180713622496354,32.69412388910996,9.957137785484203,3.0457472078525,1473,56,283,30,21,475,196,359,0.128,0.8170000000000001,0.055,-0.9789,0,1,1,0,0,2,34.0,1,0,3,1,14,15,7,1,23,0,32,10,3,4,4,51,53,24,2,4,8,0,6,2,0,2,3,1,2,0,24,19,2,1,10,1,2,3,11,10,0,3,14,10,37,5,45,34,6,48,0,2,3,2,9,23,5,1,24,201,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924588910028214,0.0,0.0,0.10427311611483954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846519561607557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995396456775419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824261241726525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672607314228986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492964802286816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41211842757459055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301978642803496,0.0,0.0,0.0891717410880293,0.0,0.0,0.06649755249344277,0.0,0.25447928542958864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271903411543952,0.07192512207439314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861522894017552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806027470593466,0.10717470391361077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227728687733788,0.0,0.05533056415463787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222515842873146,0.09837338112915928,0.0,0.0,0.08909777699000974,0.08454503197747944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720403704420763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142353487955262,0.0,0.10680454499941516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401067433827138,0.07465222808234802,0.0,0.09723643850013147,0.0,0.0944804533137442,0.0,0.09660424854312452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959633113831785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951742295598722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085490270405099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145947822462204,0.06449756727553456,0.10351481511954592,0.09940840016005746,0.0,0.0,0.08597934501659572,0.0957688166915718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045631043113373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750763917923137,0.09957413907661028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417218061249959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675467065124141,0.12902211961425372,0.0989166398233776,0.0,0.17612026326116068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088373222931006,0.0,0.059383102813308324,0.0,0.0,0.12259994043852453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329553590297756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648339970656589
suicidewatch,guyfieriwiththesauce,2019/03/24,"i dont feel like trying anymore i hate myself and i cant remember a time when i liked myself. ive had depression and anxiety for most of my life, and everything just keeps getting harder and harder. i feel pathetic even writing this, but i have no one else to talk to. if i went away, no one would notice for a solid week. im tired of dealing with the constant feeling that im worthless",0.9713194444444468,3.287558937500002,3.216666666666665,87.8327777777778,84.625,6.055555555555558,23.88888888888889,7.3871296695380915,1.2727222222222223,305,12,61,5,9,104,57,80,0.281,0.652,0.067,-0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,16,13,7,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,2,3,11,2,8,10,1,6,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423002292597782,0.0,0.18447594136772533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476631108901108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010150914375479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177230442955867,0.1602136176089332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800706615324672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539085922017065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286051718259068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671774223159017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28216285880444725,0.13288846529129458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718465695289814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365035105841584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018541605336055,0.0,0.0,0.1653378230277153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313872155118259,0.18175412521717124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177821416246975,0.0,0.0,0.2520958512775143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107176427961206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951103695664247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846628093434436,0.21379577190785287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629132092753606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920924038997907,0.0,0.0,0.17243687601214452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213903497196947,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway73545446,2019/03/24,"Suicide and religion I'm not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this topic so I apologize if this is inappropriate. I was raised as a Christian and went to church every Sunday for the first 18 years of my life. My parents are super religious and traditional but after leaving for college, I found myself not going as much anymore and while I don't consider myself an atheist, I'm definitely not strong in my faith and don't think about religion anymore.

However, anytime I think about taking my life, I always think back to how in Christianity, if you commit suicide, you will end up going to hell. We can't know what lies beyond this life but I'm sure people considering suicide are compelled to think that anything is better than continuing what they're doing now. But I just can't shake that feeling of being afraid that in case all of that is true, I'll just be burning and suffering in hell for eternity. I think that's what I'm afraid of most tbh aside from being screwing up the attempt or something. 

Not that I'm seriously considering doing it at this moment but I've just been having a hard time and researching methods made me think of this again. I guess I just hope I'll just die in my sleep or something 

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suicidewatch,lalalandio,2019/03/24,"I don’t know how or what to feel. I’m empty When I was in 7th and 8th grade I was sexually abused and exploited by a 34 year old man who was into young girls who cut themselves. I’m not getting into details so I don’t trigger anyone.  I am now 19, and since then I have dealt with other abusive relationships and encounters, and now, I just don’t know who I am. I tried to kill myself on New Years this year, but ended up just going to the Er and then being admitted to a hospital for the millionth time only to sign myself out a few days later. And I was okay for a month or two, but slowly I just got worse and worse. Worse than I’ve ever been. I live on my own right now and have been calling in for work a lot and canceling people and not caring about anything. I can hardly leave my house anymore: I’m so fucking depressed. And I just keep thinking about what happened to me and I just need to talk to this guy that ruined my life. I haven’t seen him since I was 14. I’m so angry about it, and I never have been before, but I’m realizing how fucking innocent I was and how mature a 34 year old is. He knew exactly what he was doing and I’m so mad. I don’t know. I just need to tell someone or I don’t know. It’s such an embarrassing thing and I don’t know what to do because it has ruined my ability to act like a normal person in front of people and be a normal friend and it’s effected my whole life. I just don’t know. Sorry this is long. I’ll stop. I just want to die so fucking badly. I can’t handle this. I just want to start over. I just wanna be able to have a new life.",1.0122447013487452,2.4512164479768828,3.402219653179192,91.21248169556841,79.60693641618495,6.116223506743737,20.203853564547206,6.88968998030894,0.2209166859344891,1225,30,284,13,30,425,165,346,0.197,0.731,0.07200000000000001,-0.9937,0,0,0,0,1,2,31.0,0,0,0,2,27,15,6,1,12,1,34,6,0,5,3,71,65,36,2,7,18,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,4,18,23,0,2,12,0,0,3,12,11,1,1,13,3,37,4,35,49,4,39,0,3,1,3,16,11,3,4,26,195,55,2,0.09960039008377852,0.2360203509459289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877682353992034,0.06964290857099617,0.0,0.08196263453571963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316216540888192,0.060715473337673624,0.0,0.0847525960459341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170313426673938,0.0,0.10154923570844104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423401186934946,0.0,0.08578567003327718,0.0,0.10336948003333538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882163826522159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009425506072327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050360949883232295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695101430927717,0.276236867079448,0.05203709296427308,0.0,0.05660519697650152,0.0,0.0796595306187892,0.0,0.0,0.09862004533396282,0.08807629601574574,0.0,0.08922238600470488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492547755232925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852940306795187,0.1101930746022096,0.0,0.3284266176888924,0.0,0.0,0.10546243193769644,0.0,0.0,0.21105210314894196,0.04865971958490319,0.0,0.08794896920771306,0.08814321098265103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467668990557346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950008112172284,0.0,0.0,0.14770485443032305,0.07681796100189156,0.19238935478445596,0.0,0.0,0.19517447023388396,0.0,0.0,0.2090277096078531,0.0,0.0,0.07575058482418237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810073925086175,0.08696721885501828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069335445445379,0.0,0.0850581889242612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647809438386666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439108730250311,0.0,0.0,0.11149448229475048,0.07049766874169283,0.0,0.0,0.08327038592028227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005502075361971,0.08705513099812046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617007347579881,0.06381990827820068,0.0,0.0,0.05807778842297104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762212692557187,0.0,0.09729510860913493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174937812570742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120027859355013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251027021591144,0.0,0.3045039197842456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25655754274756903
suicidewatch,chose_empathy_always,2019/03/24,"My life is a nightmare No one knows but I live a double life and it has drained every ounce out of me. I do bad things for money because I am in an awful student loan situation because i had no guidance from my parents, and now I am left stranded on my own drowning in debt and just making it by while they're turning a blind eye to me. I am always so overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, on edge, I can't take this anymore. 

I just want it to all go away. My parents care more bout having a new car and buying stuff than helping me have a good life. I am a good person and I am trying so so so hard to have a good life, but I am suffocating in stress and chaos right now. I don't want to live this double life anymore. It scares me, I want to be free from it. But I won't survive if I don't do what i do. 

I can't take this chaos anymore 

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suicidewatch,FrIdGeTiMeS,2019/03/24,"I don’t know what’s happening. I just had a single minute of an intense, electric need to stab myself. I have no idea why. I had to pin my hands under myself to stop the shaking. 

I feel like I’m going crazy. 

I hate people. I hate everyone so goddamn much. But if the interactions are online? Then it’s okay. 

I absolutely despise people outside of the internet though. It makes me skip school, and it keeps me in the house for weeks. I’m so disgusted with myself.

I have school tomorrow, and my anxiety is on meth right now. I don’t know what to do. I made a promise to stop cutting, but I feel like I need to break it.

I don’t even really know what I’m posting about, I just want to be heard at this point.

I haven’t met anyone yet who can really comprehend my hate towards people.

I don’t know anymore, I just want to die.",-0.22005561172901972,2.0529023837209337,2.2823356926188048,92.01898382204249,92.02325581395347,5.5494438827098085,19.106167846309408,7.079830092131019,0.4783884732052579,638,20,139,11,23,218,97,172,0.208,0.7190000000000001,0.073,-0.9662,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,6,1,7,1,14,1,1,2,0,25,37,9,1,5,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,3,7,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,5,4,26,4,18,31,2,18,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,9,92,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829060297765436,0.0,0.1403863579805769,0.09897984105051877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691366160768546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349696453096176,0.0,0.0,0.13526363669260427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315079358048047,0.20225648419579806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045002017191431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251782551710886,0.0,0.0,0.4192742490288118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333759939374398,0.0,0.15980045356516365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582223264024486,0.0,0.0,0.3111837714480939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831505343194025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394451440124827,0.09449029674406913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406057266844924,0.20992522158949609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944130888662117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338169786970498,0.0,0.13557233260509072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136988607178034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088877665391773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865261796106602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669573059840399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907888664022972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698779576953093,0.0,0.113548366687247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773303958460902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sakurabaryota,2019/03/24,"I can't do this anymore The last few years have been hell for me. I feel useless and worthless. Finished my degree but every time I try to enter a Master's degree I'm just not good enough for them. Have been trying to change where my future could be going, leaving my degree aside and studying other stuff but every thing I try doesn't go well. I'm just tired of trying and hitting myself with the same wall over and over and over again.
I feel like I annoy everyone. Right now it's taking me a lot of effort just to explain myself because every time I talk everyone just straight up runs away from me. People answer me with short answers always or just leave me without answering and I know for sure if I finally disappear for good absolutely no one will miss me or even notice I'm gone.
I just want it to finish. I'm tired of trying and trying and achieving nothing. I'm just a waste of space and I'm sure the best for everyone would be me jumping off a building or something. And the worst is, with my luck, I'm sure if I finally try and kill myself I will only injure myself badly and keep living suffering even more so I don't know what to do in general.
Sorry for disturbing.",2.9782499999999987,4.714006991666672,4.380833333333335,85.0275,74.91666666666666,6.633333333333333,23.666666666666664,7.365786028017652,1.0653166666666656,938,28,181,11,20,311,130,240,0.223,0.6709999999999999,0.105,-0.9852,0,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,4,14,19,3,1,8,0,16,3,0,0,3,50,36,20,1,5,16,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,7,15,0,1,8,0,0,7,6,10,1,1,3,2,29,9,27,26,7,31,1,4,0,0,3,13,1,7,12,130,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858410194268153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231133306657672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692632074446236,0.0,0.08613793903027474,0.06288804187386196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826464064768064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913422341373334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236835417513279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065963708672688,0.0,0.13627818566480102,0.0,0.2607612912598484,0.29573392709642393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432600953137944,0.07370064590711192,0.0,0.2260230474562132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726137678078853,0.17305875642227636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169723138353257,0.11413608934995212,0.0,0.11339287856568055,0.08409272999152866,0.0,0.2184723422621116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050400899714751764,0.0,0.09109602798510573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877066574266086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898899452176599,0.11745331800329835,0.0,0.0,0.06990684642541795,0.0784611514744924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152118393706537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810180754145068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942097149778,0.0,0.11548406503002798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809852077463175,0.0,0.0,0.2916935909648259,0.0,0.07756676660837378,0.08291961209569691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853782277870328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120311946510637,0.23714453240586186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4902928431819324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060849017799128775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275715737470183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944677039525368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328500788709594,0.0,0.0,0.06643447133168005
suicidewatch,JesusCrisis7,2019/03/24,"I think at this point, there’s no reason for me to continue living. I know it sounds cliche, and no, I certainly have not decided to take my life. However, I have come to the conclusion that if I do decide to end it all, it will be a net positive.

I planned on writing a big long detailed post about why I feel this way, but I think bullet points should work fine haha.

1. I’m 20 years old, still living at home.

2. Have no job.

3. Social anxiety makes it incredibly hard to apply for jobs.

4. I have no drivers license.

5. No friends whatsoever.

6. No girlfriend.

7. I was homeschooled, which makes me feel extremely self conscious about myself, especially in regards to applying for jobs.

I’m not sure what to do, but I can’t go on being like this.
",0.8230666666666693,3.2273502400000043,3.0,88.39666666666666,86.6,6.533333333333335,23.0,7.793537801064563,1.3526000000000002,576,22,120,12,18,195,103,150,0.134,0.754,0.112,-0.0855,4,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,1,12,1,0,3,3,24,24,4,0,2,5,0,3,1,2,2,1,1,1,1,10,2,0,0,10,0,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,15,6,17,19,1,18,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,7,72,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688486931675227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428764324604277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690553580166593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773080245750133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281454719374856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426386053229216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858081942895207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637428087714262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4937808025602086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115405928119426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715406051578403,0.08103236567476121,0.0,0.2929204316980405,0.14678368402085432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142990480062893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404549333198802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135886104141734,0.0,0.1588510658594619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053496088559278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303145734254954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907661184717498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245853999371654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632407266417522,0.0,0.12470846019796215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255684122492732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165446223950886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496657105000056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075036151943687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681044197277488
suicidewatch,GoodSparkling,2019/03/24,"I am done Its been 4 years since the first time I wanted to kill myself. Its almost been a year since the first time I actually tried. I didn’t actually try you know, I just swallowed a handful of pills that I knew couldn’t kill me. I wanted the chance of death. It was my first step. I wanted to know what it might feel like. 

Everyone not knowing my situation would think I have the perfect life. Its not true. I was stuck in my house. I wasn’t allowed to do anything. I was mentally abused for years. My parents have screwed my mind up and led to this. They are the reasons I have major trust issues. They are the reason I have an eating disorder. They are the reason I am a teenage alcoholic. They are the reason I cut. They are the reason I want to kill myself. 

I used to try and see how many pills it took for me to pass out, i got close, but it never happened.  Some people would catch me and try to stop me, but if I didn’t take at least 6 pills every 3 waking hours I couldn’t handle being alive. I stopped doing that in the past couple of months because they weren’t helping with anything anyways. The pain was too much, the stress of being alive was causing so much pain no one knew how I am even walking around looking like the average human. 

I recently got out of my house, not in a good way, but I am out. The first couple of days was an insane rollercoaster of emotions, but mainly happiness. Something I haven’t experienced in years. But after the first week I got lonely. Super lonely. My best friend shut herself off from me, no one else wants to hang out with me. Its not that anything really changed from me being in one room in one house to me being stuck in another room in another house. Something is just different.  I have never wanted to kill myself more. I can’t handle change, but I needed it.

I just took more pills than I ever have before and I just want to experience the pain I used to put myself through daily. I don’t necessarily want to kill myself right now. But if it works, I sure as hell won’t be mad.

I guess thats my rant for the day. I don’t really know what else to say...",1.9341821345707648,3.8949354315545257,3.369094547563808,90.09930307424595,78.67517401392111,6.073341067285384,20.751798143851516,7.066338657993696,0.4257215313225058,1645,43,349,19,40,539,192,431,0.189,0.7020000000000001,0.109,-0.9915,5,4,3,0,1,5,49.0,0,1,6,9,13,26,9,1,23,0,46,14,2,12,6,75,77,17,6,15,17,1,2,2,1,4,9,1,2,1,17,12,3,2,13,0,0,9,19,15,0,9,22,6,67,11,49,44,9,56,1,2,2,1,13,21,2,6,27,252,84,1,0.0,0.07353441870991198,0.12112892619028655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632639335717705,0.062147055421863565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015677856268185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532174999917157,0.05524916224792532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037832983644752086,0.0,0.05281097887886392,0.0,0.06513121186288783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375572102583099,0.13130869292372005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373428943352924,0.0,0.08005090586955885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648425482536766,0.07112949008026999,0.0,0.0,0.06351192108970187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350586732849806,0.10369122187114473,0.06981243831297193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04099197729621,0.05613946974013774,0.05229069191037312,0.059303785445033175,0.0,0.06070945057366265,0.0,0.0,0.031380880169870576,0.04433776673797714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263953465770475,0.0,0.0,0.04794966267690333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520554377765288,0.14891217444462848,0.0,0.06836931002949169,0.0,0.05488204049932767,0.06606713878661892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159947107011113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611194804894672,0.2864491355224075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477757029372717,0.0,0.0,0.34331716117936795,0.0,0.13643264418413362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383688005536238,0.060641621452091066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211722689598132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629220658065792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254483205599369,0.0658389567673154,0.06266586311254169,0.0,0.04953803542149655,0.0,0.09124678332937966,0.04601887323544513,0.09573350918453448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822177944569014,0.0,0.1981179870895001,0.0,0.06891353467526938,0.0,0.05924608543722117,0.0430266184399825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623903825291498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951819922034571,0.31905512248892354,0.06127965210171395,0.0,0.0,0.0530013997013024,0.0,0.04935492978178622,0.0,0.0,0.04945611671102668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026781874620885,0.06976132916309884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555814511612848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377477026632846,0.07109287204878009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058493573274158425,0.0,0.046663596528525454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976741699221115,0.0,0.0,0.07237878249946049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790838876316358,0.16854661135688262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720488267763784,0.0,0.0,0.29285057401674136,0.04926266187051214,0.0497831356623774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045182549296753034,0.0,0.0,0.08817544392172896,0.0,0.0,0.1598659581343301
suicidewatch,mvpetri,2019/03/24,"I read an interesting article on notes I started writing notes, just for the sake of it. It started around 2015 for some reason, and without thinking about it very much I often found myself writing another one. Sometimes the classical types, like blaming myself, sometimes forgiving everything and everyone, sometimes with a nonsensical poem or drawing. 

I always fantasize the reaction people would have, and for some experience in life I discovered that it is always an overestimate of reality. I remember struggling to communicate about depression a lot, always thinking I didn't have to because I was showing signs, that everybody noticed and it was just an untold agreement that they knew and I didn't have to say anything... Until fairly recently, when I talked about it (in my own way) to a very important person to me and her reaction was... kind of bland. Kind of confused. Apparently no ""signs"" existed so far, it was all in my head.

And I thought about it as I started, blindly, to write another note. For me it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone, just a thing that happened. Nothing out of the ordinary. And the note would be a chance to express something with the most impact to others... so it had to be meaningful, with impact... 

And then I stumble with [this paper right here](https://docslide.net/documents/the-effect-of-the-content-of-suicide-notes-on-grief-reactions.html), from 1987. The effect of the content of suicide notes on grief reactions.

It divides the victims, which are the people who commit suicide, and the survivors, which are the ones that were affected by the suicide.

It says that although the majority does not leave a note (~20%),  those who do usually write something that is repeated throughout all the notes. They usually express the wish to kill, be killed or die and relate this to other people, groups or institutions.

And the theme falls in some predictive categories, all of each has a certain negative impact on the survivors. Mainly guilty. The feeling of guilty of those who are suicide survivals and read the content of a suicide note has a higher probability to be increased. Depending on the content, there is a high chance of the survivor start having suicidal tendencies themselves. 

One of the most strong theme that affect others is self blame and forgiveness. As it serves, pragmatically, as a harmful and manipulative way to blame someone else in an indirect way, because it states that something was to blame and the victim absorbed it, prohibiting the other part to communicate or process it before it is too late.

I don't know... I found it interesting. It got me thinking that all the fantasies on my head does not at all resemble the natural and real reaction other people would have.",8.412023612410913,9.352101688935283,8.071348355050029,66.61405010438415,61.33820459290188,11.032783816859839,40.108055575552505,10.852061532183503,4.827789230436973,2195,113,331,53,29,699,219,479,0.158,0.7559999999999999,0.086,-0.9923,1,0,3,0,0,7,94.0,0,0,2,3,14,20,4,2,43,0,35,4,2,6,7,81,51,30,10,5,10,0,1,1,0,4,2,2,0,2,44,24,0,0,15,4,0,2,9,9,0,3,14,4,26,11,61,28,18,34,0,2,1,0,20,16,0,14,13,264,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906759945538798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019323430874538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534103577668718,0.0,0.06285856986580951,0.06799908611045934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312750485268044,0.0,0.06499823986917316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579052227661157,0.0,0.07927585197174343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369053140159295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381009266054062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298940018415294,0.0686501565295631,0.07471945255481552,0.0,0.0,0.03862268831005061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16750501475201654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109227941784327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754724317963097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567866510920817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070523301300385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901797063618598,0.1590870112364963,0.04197934748097894,0.0,0.08616591317962513,0.08088097318644429,0.0,0.0,0.05395317612821178,0.037317985207580805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494002613002077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615196343678413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329372797278356,0.08696513769863284,0.0,0.0,0.15528191017880635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271780517074713,0.0,0.21182371737787672,0.06669667261672675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235624187963002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281188455826195,0.0869431616488944,0.0,0.07853678088638225,0.0754212402603428,0.0,0.08652962200936072,0.06523260436223306,0.0,0.1214892672995555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968649701617443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472099252671304,0.17641534117247346,0.22664095956444186,0.0,0.2162635528288286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985447062494652,0.0,0.5013185340877307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139558768034972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050746980135095404,0.1468337927175785,0.0,0.06064137312626595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825516950207553,0.12605169713634867,0.0,0.18189321884364976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783929231278091,0.07363267575688831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278571547806892,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,felaxxx,2019/03/24,"Break up My girlfriend left me and now all i can think about is not being enough for her, i cant stop crying and i really dont feel good",2.5770967741935493,2.585308806451618,4.158225806451615,92.85733870967744,73.83870967741936,7.490322580645162,18.725806451612907,7.1686216300943375,-0.08888387096774243,107,1,27,1,2,36,27,31,0.08900000000000001,0.764,0.14800000000000002,0.1956,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063495798952769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335539730812017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822354925056211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870471917098704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31027885121833315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019288854306066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369859572688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092771656432121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23703553341025224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teapot999,2019/03/24,"It baffles me that more people don’t feel suicidal You wake up at the same time for 5 days in a row, to go to the same job, doing the same monotonous tasks, for an average salary, hold the same conversations day in day out.. for a few days off at the weekend which are over in a flash, then? Repeat for 40-50 years, then? Watch your physical and mental condition deteriorate until you die. ",9.937489177489176,6.184040324675326,10.051168831168834,68.7158008658009,61.337662337662344,13.903030303030304,37.354978354978364,11.855464076750405,4.016077056277057,303,9,63,7,3,102,57,77,0.113,0.887,0.0,-0.8677,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,5,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,16,5,6,21,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,11,44,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7226610209840598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907380833203361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164573565157382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920837049398784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27799284728669826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823123092729971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942117935679313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30642452085236604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335019663573094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039910865312644
suicidewatch,mvlh,2019/03/24,"Save me I have to get away from here. If I don't, I know I'll eventually end up dead by my own hands. I've already given up on life, meaning I no longer wish to pursue an education or a career. I just want to go, somewhere, anywhere but here. I have no friends, I'm already dead to my family. I have nothing to lose. I have no reason to fear anything, I could die on the way and it would change nothing. 

I wish to boad a plane somewhere, I've got enough money for a one way ticket. I'm not sure if it would cause trouble with the authorities if I tried to fly somewhere on a one way ticket, do I need an alibi in case they get question me? Would it be possible for me, a 19 year old to book a flight somewhere for next week and get away with it? And spare me that pretentious talk of me being young and having a chance at life still.",2.9744194756554343,3.411650955056181,4.5803932584269695,88.64321161048694,73.15730337078651,7.506367041198501,25.50749063670412,7.492282038375204,1.0132794007490642,642,19,149,7,12,217,101,178,0.17,0.733,0.097,-0.9487,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,11,0,13,3,1,2,1,28,27,9,3,11,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,3,1,1,5,3,0,2,2,1,20,3,26,19,2,20,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,5,7,96,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919412975504275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885246909701704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24855666372042784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588462779573246,0.13993122952099232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561219673183182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372823506057469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171579112957396,0.13667721060683866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246987184233342,0.14884808408341849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219666503563014,0.0,0.20732737859921715,0.0,0.0751759077720951,0.0,0.1057937759575764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269582547202852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686191714891495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798381357762416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408812532853132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808151112656872,0.0,0.0,0.1406777913896314,0.0,0.0,0.2538461589627148,0.0,0.13880216533665204,0.0,0.17926825639578328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912212582191922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818019832036827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360024978720382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563635872713678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466924230346466,0.0,0.0,0.10631901624449093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980720938432618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802023608577176,0.314985307896813,0.10610440523832873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30422339777671603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818967580926542,0.0,0.0,0.0851818702257726
suicidewatch,thatoneguy9013,2019/03/24,"Getting fed up with myself I don’t know. Life is tough, I used to see a therapist 10 years ago, then I lost my health insurance and stopped going. They recommended that I take anger management courses and see a psychiatrist for meds, but I didn’t want to take anything. 

Life was manageable for a long time. I guess it still is. My life itself isn’t horrible, I have a roof over my head, a decent car, my family loves me, no major health concerns etc. it’s just the way I feel. I am so sick of having panic attacks, I’m sick of being afraid of things, I’m sick of not being able to even speak to people, I have phobias that essentially control my life and crippling social anxiety. I feel like I am constantly at battle with my own mind. 

I find myself really wishing that I would die. I can’t say that I am suicidal” exactly because I don’t plan on intentionally taking my own life, but I just wish that I didn’t have to be here any more. It’s getting to be too much and I feel alone. ",2.0884378437843765,3.917782772277228,4.091617161716176,85.71573157315734,77.7128712871287,7.459185918591862,23.598459845984607,8.344100000000001,1.420959515951595,768,25,162,15,18,262,119,202,0.28300000000000003,0.64,0.078,-0.994,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,7,9,3,2,6,0,21,13,1,3,1,27,43,8,2,4,5,0,3,1,0,1,10,2,0,0,10,6,1,2,5,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,5,7,31,2,18,33,6,15,0,1,2,1,5,4,0,1,9,107,41,2,0.1222356674783615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835454394142464,0.0,0.0,0.12659928715908705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312444552492942,0.0,0.0935099510472118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058953918083503,0.0,0.0,0.1390607182705474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451372834436236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209333152767405,0.13709769498675678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686132431948968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363250807778198,0.08073550553742155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152329086027836,0.0,0.1854180787437638,0.08732518527038267,0.0,0.0,0.11172118558939126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772618233264174,0.0,0.06946934675001529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465636869842004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544905982372018,0.25986159706398737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717752610723413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316933343906073,0.0597181727678721,0.0,0.0,0.10817471918621678,0.0,0.0,0.13343467056850875,0.0,0.11032246229830983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577627050977073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342317868129975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985728021275707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341721864001067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847428209236178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830729860978895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720670895923984,0.0,0.0,0.1948120021500709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246038694936053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761756194646813,0.1021944913627824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370598056968472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27571802858163874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419250312556255,0.08120794598899674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127660069983131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055723701313049,0.0,0.0,0.07209776369567718,0.09702498324233272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811299701719521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683271106399572,0.0,0.0,0.07871576220228305
suicidewatch,Lucifer4207,2019/03/24,Contemplating suicide should i go through with it? Hi so im about to be 27 never been happy with my life always been depressed mostly because i think im invisible to everyone around it's always been like that sometimes i think i don't i even exist im like a ghost it was like that in school and it's like that at work i know im real i get my checks and my name is there but for some reason im not really there to the people around me how is it possible for someone to go through life never being noticed it makes me mad but it makes me feel awful most of all i try to speak up but most of the the time im just ignored or told to hold on then blown off forgotten my boss does it my coworkers do it i dont even know why i get paid to do nothing and stand around all my jobs been like that it baffles me why no-one has ever said you what are you doing let's work or hi how r u what do you do here or my name is this Whats yours  why can't i be noticed by anyone if i do speak im just told to piss off politely whats wrong with me i know im shy but why does it seem like i dont exist thats why i think i might as well not has this happened to anyone has anybody ever gone through life like this? I dont know how long i could keep going if i don't matter and im just constantly ignored why should i live anyway im just so tired so very tired so should i hold on or should i just get it over with? It just feels so awful to not know why im here if I'm not really here.,-1.0410931174089058,0.7738495621301773,1.6688881968234206,98.93997819993773,88.8816568047337,4.741326689504827,15.995328558081596,6.05967700443912,-0.7290130177514795,1144,24,293,10,38,395,140,338,0.153,0.789,0.058,-0.987,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,4,0,2,29,15,2,0,4,2,34,6,1,7,6,75,61,25,2,8,21,0,2,7,0,5,5,3,0,0,25,11,0,5,12,0,2,4,12,6,1,0,10,5,38,9,35,41,6,24,0,1,0,0,13,11,1,13,15,189,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694778494530794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814682921793516,0.0,0.0,0.15558132299045965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035512488085120135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295434366565639,0.0,0.04651289989442516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017604932415952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196092789134358,0.0,0.2048277818247834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769554481341627,0.10539228251050978,0.0,0.055666372861168566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891225199668833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130950689952297,0.0,0.09932516075452764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151583675293358,0.062014894225854475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6921945814929746,0.0,0.057810369642599585,0.051780859125455714,0.0,0.0,0.16008064208288236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957099414319743,0.12344440200165173,0.19922753326183013,0.0,0.05144136328670481,0.05155497532559568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777303965693844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061800707808049186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986167033997874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589847264704412,0.13265032371388144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0403875699849763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567520348062451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630840151947158,0.0746409304875019,0.059897159273908436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055415063633395586,0.0,0.0,0.05895846636498589,0.0,0.05303433012430064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936035770738021,0.0,0.057616951360500074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372291586251677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198481743121504,0.0,0.0,0.033969705842697026,0.13391404996209313,0.0,0.11133274572233713,0.0,0.03955219064799383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048067532784702466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052379392773681005,0.0,0.3679706259159905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482253256168264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636940978749115,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akhan0789,2019/03/24,"I really can't do it anymore I have been struggling the past year and half to get my life back together, but I just cant do it anymore. I have no friends, no job, my family doesn't love or support me, and I have no one else to turn to.

I have contemplated suicide in the past, but I reached out to the suicide hotline. They got me into the hospital for a few days to get my mind right...and it actually did help. But since then, I've just spirals further downwards. I took classes in IT to find a job, and I haven't had the immediate success my family keeps cursing me out for. I honestly don't know what to do. I hate myself so much...",2.493134328358209,3.492137716417912,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,74.82089552238807,8.046567164179105,29.07164179104477,8.548686976883017,2.013390447761194,490,21,110,9,10,170,76,134,0.23,0.6509999999999999,0.119,-0.958,2,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,1,7,0,15,2,0,0,0,16,25,9,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,5,0,20,5,14,20,2,14,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,6,80,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.15713950207002586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193917988116899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382012163579174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384934370536608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451771997274492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036045804051158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717611524564886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440936041383835,0.0,0.16826032799154855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878831220234285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589812079072765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793326376995342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195896710321832,0.14312854109026296,0.0,0.0,0.08849644113707571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373840619013904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533350447134535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259175798890002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837365812477643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911632543453216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30743772467949826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031582680041315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751650939253446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332035192477354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834078858407558,0.0,0.3522756530293213,0.18273197148104545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890735287687934,0.0,0.17515155781169606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036963582906373
suicidewatch,swthrowaway223,2019/03/24,"I want to kill myself because I am ill. long story short, I got infected with herpes simplex virus from my girlfriend when I kissed her. I had dry mouth/pharyngitis for one or two months. I visited many doctors and in the mean time I got MRSA in my sinuses and they are still there. 

​

Every now and then I get ulcers on my lips and inside my mouth and I feel like it's due to herpes. I cannot breathe through my nose anymore. I visited doctors countless times. I think suicide is the only solution....

​

what is the least painful and most effective way to do it? I told my friends and they almost sent me to psychiatric hospital. ",2.6321723076923083,5.158949768000003,3.5472,86.75698461538461,79.32,6.726153846153848,28.01538461538461,7.882392219407189,2.0010123076923083,511,23,96,9,13,163,87,125,0.117,0.764,0.118,-0.4406,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,2,1,4,5,1,0,3,0,7,12,4,1,0,16,16,10,2,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,2,5,2,24,3,11,11,2,17,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,3,10,65,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510816222772428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33566424816840523,0.3764365104577244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361738203521044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442449887440026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170897220037744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050840572859584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832117900351365,0.11065929784325307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967395730606535,0.0,0.08092791105662382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247772465427915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137189709244752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567543139488886,0.0,0.0,0.13708002373512018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704245236688916,0.0,0.1687295388050656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236382573951696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496302230000386,0.11780705342912895,0.16482259523056736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370189457622766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943347880079582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992525055987678,0.0,0.0,0.1806447604245132,0.0,0.0,0.14801185850376253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131302398407562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913629657003241,0.12295097325709785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764365104577244,0.0
suicidewatch,cannibalcaf-e,2019/03/24,"i'm reaching my breaking point i came from an abusive home, as did my boyfriend. we were homeless for several months and we've worked extremely hard to get to the point we're at now. we have a nice apartment, 2 beautiful loving cats, an HRT prescription, and we're away from everyone who's hurt us. everything was FINALLY looking up when i fucked us over again

 i got arrested on a minor shoplifting charge. i won't go into detail about why that happened. it really doesn't matter. the cop said i might get fines or probation, but the maximum sentance is a year in jail. there's almost 0% that would happen but 0% just isn't enough for me. spending even the 4 hours i spent in jail was a nightmare. i've been losing sleep, i started cutting again after 6 months, and it feels like everything is going downhill again. i'm really thinking about ending it

i've spent 19 years trying to undo damage that i was born with and frankly i'm getting fucking tired of fighting. i can't stand the idea of my boyfriend finding my body, and i wouldn't know how to say goodbye. but i know i can't go on like this any longer",3.7696820349761566,5.241020864864865,4.492130365659778,86.1154292527822,72.33333333333333,7.5658717541070475,28.374138844727078,8.124751697461798,1.8502370959194487,880,34,175,13,17,282,140,222,0.131,0.8,0.069,-0.9034,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,4,0,0,2,11,12,4,0,11,0,17,6,2,1,0,28,42,12,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,4,1,2,1,0,8,10,0,0,6,0,3,4,6,7,0,0,11,5,21,5,24,27,1,33,0,3,1,3,9,12,2,3,17,100,29,1,0.0,0.14938922154539874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262551658623435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574161518838065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846030549102443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005118066346492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420679542186587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167322376352794,0.1302787370879611,0.0,0.08327745952606583,0.0,0.0,0.120478906310232,0.2266327920448845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375198637906004,0.09007461504764792,0.0,0.13811913546303178,0.11523872240834868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331257191438409,0.19762145369911524,0.0,0.21496975861240367,0.0,0.10084109459305968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299177584747712,0.0,0.11294672460443482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647278535488993,0.0,0.12416759079309818,0.0,0.13497579984121907,0.14233377383725626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385852153700427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319679384039944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587901681537462,0.14105602723932467,0.0,0.0,0.1137959603734072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337554667785064,0.0,0.0,0.20127849457000535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23838074494180256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154560121134331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993499695613652,0.10026725809331806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243931666193402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617530885550987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924308274162017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078969782536545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491530029488672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560293093513496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30332766238416536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377142656461404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917908373425234,0.0,0.0,0.08956663531163188,0.0,0.0,0.16238824931431536
suicidewatch,Thurllo,2019/03/24,"I am different than everyone someone please give me a reason not to kill myself I have really had depression head deformities nose deformities jaw deformities vitiligo, and rocacia I literally feel like a complete fuck up, I’ve seen no one with this weird head with extra skin, people look at my and wonder why my nose is so crooked and every person I have met does not look anything or have anything like me just I need help and I can’t do this ",6.831511627906978,7.023964709302327,7.720325581395353,70.34676744186051,64.69767441860465,11.531162790697675,33.47906976744186,11.20814326018867,3.890723720930233,359,14,65,10,5,121,62,86,0.125,0.726,0.149,0.2925,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,8,7,6,1,0,14,17,6,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,7,11,2,6,14,1,2,0,1,3,1,4,2,1,2,2,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117814915677372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862139082396085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316205737906533,0.0,0.0,0.1979216448448515,0.0,0.0,0.1657778461149184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960908433899498,0.1810154455202431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578518406774374,0.13533403541138922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175131718926741,0.0,0.1817255070367534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888346174575355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126975820053546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209584290173953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509897878938095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181592195189549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046534767623942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836760808799266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133196216221038,0.1654093317382247,0.0,0.20794525375725625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135837662656206,0.19477308137902435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050959820435534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093768608786086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543665648379525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RyukyuxD,2019/03/24,"Done My only friend treats me like shit and my family doesn’t care about me

The worst part is that I don’t know how to kill myself other than a bedsheet noose",4.663235294117649,4.42174061764706,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,69.29411764705883,7.976470588235292,19.94117647058824,7.1686216300943375,0.12887058823529385,127,1,29,1,2,40,31,34,0.274,0.53,0.196,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573168298406412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35864175817589083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303820382360612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27076414996324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877315256246872,0.0,0.19260338273217986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121681538728628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665402515255125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795134999486604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597416532871257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyel-brah,2019/03/24,fuck this shitty life No matter what I fucking do the brain fog doesn’t go away. I’m only 16 yet everyone else my age is doing great without this brain fog I’ve been so fucking lucky to have the last few years. My siblings don’t have this bullshit and I’m here stuck with it. I would jump in front of a train but I don’t think I have the balls. ,0.11486842105263405,2.0510562763157942,1.6228947368421096,100.34776315789473,84.92105263157895,4.326315789473685,17.394736842105264,5.148860815047168,-0.8477842105263158,271,6,66,1,8,87,55,76,0.142,0.779,0.079,-0.5595,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,4,0,11,6,2,0,0,8,19,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,2,6,16,1,9,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064541530853432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906078518778317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356563137139603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099721967103316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6094417793633832,0.0,0.0,0.1248840255513472,0.0,0.0,0.2422655217993301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911846047274402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520975487615624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712313490649675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408013306518139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118227391830271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560978908615749,0.0,0.0,0.14150617096685916
suicidewatch,MuzeKode,2019/03/24,I just want to end it. Suffering from mental illness too hard and no one gets me I can't do this anymore.,1.1121739130434776,2.589336086956525,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,79.43478260869566,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,0.8795391304347824,82,3,19,1,2,28,22,23,0.366,0.584,0.051,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45911076964446595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410026258015284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186635027023975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41470212181484695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665332994287735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136992267015625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27305322447210056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,derbecrux,2019/03/24,"What should I do? Recently I've been having thoughts of suicide. I'm not sure if it's just my depression kicking in or what but I just imagine situations in where it would just be easier if it was over and I was gone. Life just keeps dragging me down and it seems like nothing is going my way. Grades are dropping, work life is getting worse, I'm not happy with myself. I just don't know who to talk to. I don't want my parents to think differently of me because of this, and same for my friends. I'm lost and just need some guidance. Who do I talk to when it is so hard to reach out? What do I do? ",1.0138802083333331,2.7857847109375022,2.7668750000000024,94.22395833333336,80.796875,5.829166666666668,23.166666666666664,6.816661863887847,0.5009666666666663,465,16,109,5,12,154,77,128,0.16,0.747,0.093,-0.8023,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,0,1,31,31,10,1,6,12,1,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,6,1,14,4,15,22,2,12,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,5,3,78,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345114592415518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442570546359026,0.0,0.0,0.2115848689525464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564624365797676,0.0,0.1058056275255162,0.0,0.11509383107577023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558077649182847,0.18141348801004276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000446436343034,0.0,0.0,0.11129684103258744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860843927822172,0.09893850468224848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106883327011584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016216242416747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431841799277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248687257983709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995893913166207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436187325067024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276351267254953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151832803155186,0.0,0.19086780777584933,0.0,0.0,0.3255474595100983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976331034925326,0.0,0.16077413465966658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944847942203,0.16074682653353178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743319054172746,0.0,0.20637988840557453,0.1438607075868104,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneLastThrowHuh,2019/03/24,"I think I’m going. I’m trying, everyday. I’m trying to hold it all together and I just can’t, I can’t do it anymore. I’ve had a bad life but it’s not that, it’s me. I’m not there anymore, I’m pretty broken down by everything and I’m in a lot of pain. I don’t want to cry at night anymore, I don’t want to pretend I’m okay when inside I’m gone. It’s just so fucking hard. And I can’t breath anymore, I can’t think, I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. I’m depressed and I’m hurting, and no ones ever been there for me and I’m tired of carrying everyone’s else’s problems, I need my own support and my own support is me and I’m exhausted. 

I’m ashamed I’ve gotten this far without doing it, it’s a never ending cycle and I don’t and can’t do it anymore, I can’t live like this, I can’t cry anymore, I can’t feel how I feel for much longer, I’ve fallen apart and mending myself it just isn’t worth it. 

I have an amazing boyfriend and I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, he means absolutely everything to me but it’s just so hard, I’m tired of being okay for you and helping you, I’m fucking trying. 

I can’t carry on like everything is okay because it’s not, and I’m just gone. I’ve tried, I’ve really fucking tried my hardest, it just isn’t good enough anymore, it doesn’t work. I’m done. ",-2.135170859041292,-0.3086975340136036,1.4050830564784071,97.16666112956814,99.17006802721089,4.0954279386173065,18.40183515266572,5.8840308858928765,-0.2653560196171494,991,34,242,10,43,357,112,294,0.207,0.65,0.142,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,1,14,20,4,1,4,3,27,12,2,1,3,41,64,21,0,4,12,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,17,14,1,1,5,1,1,4,23,11,0,1,6,4,27,9,16,57,6,16,0,2,0,4,4,6,4,1,8,133,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6039351192934246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263784948589473,0.053031825134459115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112157706925806,0.0,0.0,0.07492934506078047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890268958115821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901841004137216,0.07267381814085021,0.0,0.07705244679207666,0.08988990484295069,0.0,0.0,0.07869267119811775,0.0,0.08312820392553757,0.23455861524185884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797536907797304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217048181260085,0.0,0.0,0.04944171135855733,0.07296793981104688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586227735936212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058311443162694813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313079075702473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144769810822751,0.08500349575689485,0.0,0.07681887498166505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739607082870393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476391724175837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395191432749671,0.06450627476866971,0.0670965151236043,0.0,0.0,0.0816396541440396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058950597679128976,0.0,0.0925696525019625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850599233915588,0.0,0.083243220447654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573172969461802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705861570406477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476932529630536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744357942765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114867769236908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997772230475125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953221488032076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262473994656816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386083555226348,0.0,0.06333397005992827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeirdVirgo,2019/03/24,"Just wanted to say it I can't help feeling so bitter about everything, though I know dwelling on it doesn't help either. 

 I was diagnosed with anorexia eleven years ago, and though I'm healthier now, the compulsions are still strong. To this day, I don't know why I developed anorexia. I was a happy, confident, intelligent child. I had lots of friends.

I have been so desperate and alone. I was directly suicidal on two occasions. The frustrating thing is that I know I'm intelligent, and I don't know why I'm so self-destructive.

I don't really have any friends anymore, though I've spent the last few years chasing a man who didn't love me back. I'm just so confused by people in general. I don't get it anymore.

I just don't know how to get rid of all the bitterness and anger. Every time I start feeling OK again, or start immersing myself in hobbies, I just remember the last years and how desperate and alone I've been. I just don't care. I've wasted so much of my life already and I don't really understand any of this. I could have been so many things. Why did I become what I became?

I really think I need therapy, but the moment people hear 'anorexia', I'm judged harshly for it. I've seen 12+ therapists and not one of them could comprehend that I really DIDN'T want to starve. I am healthier now, but honestly a little traumatised at all the violence and misunderstanding over the years due to the eating disorder.

I've been so anxious I couldn't leave the house. So depressed I very nearly killed myself twice. Years keep going by and I can't seem to get out of this cycle. Why continue like this?

​",3.424238425925928,5.332420456250002,4.740972222222221,82.18162037037038,74.125,8.99074074074074,26.85185185185185,9.53975657930432,2.53294212962963,1286,48,252,34,27,426,159,320,0.198,0.7040000000000001,0.098,-0.9855,0,2,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,1,1,24,17,5,2,13,1,30,4,0,2,2,47,60,26,2,6,10,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,0,2,14,12,1,1,11,0,1,1,14,8,0,4,13,7,33,9,25,44,6,30,0,1,1,1,11,9,0,4,21,162,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081813353929739,0.0,0.0,0.1911781806436879,0.10184908708590916,0.0,0.0,0.10000086690203976,0.11214771184229587,0.12552661724312628,0.0,0.0,0.10426632122401436,0.1830623482669588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709686420054656,0.0,0.0,0.10193183517386203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941002195013342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737902328349445,0.0,0.0,0.059522206880131774,0.0,0.0794929703201046,0.09367680114592808,0.0,0.0,0.10577729702984168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444013986271443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776195279703994,0.0,0.0829481917247999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333357174472433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426127392655776,0.0,0.1446599327702002,0.0,0.05245299408947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824902941744017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402241652084483,0.0,0.12372588648398047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649526398228627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203544027583358,0.10211000048652168,0.0,0.2536127475422959,0.15046439297600708,0.0,0.09772636815283132,0.0,0.0,0.0651902140342183,0.045090347178577066,0.09250316423961252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846533803206697,0.0832992353259425,0.0,0.0,0.09357196342955296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784695133029388,0.06843507548994134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254102592059431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797053356574312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365044419330584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455148304310208,0.0,0.0,0.07339615483709318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402129078121236,0.09628311378327163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065280219286218,0.0,0.07370637035399268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095501594085336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055466087322178,0.10716082954382368,0.12263250225475618,0.05913847933603414,0.2720361288904989,0.0,0.053817565446229586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015814853409793,0.09608165141439948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615248726198938,0.1088751730054962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33312510580080856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214771184229587,0.2971726094101763
suicidewatch,phiaM94,2019/03/24,"Advice? I honestly never thought I'd post to something like this, but I guess I'm getting desperate. I live life how I'm supposed to, I work, I'm completing a masters degree, I try to be a good friend and relative. But, I'm just so unhappy. Or, not even unhappy just emotionless. Not numb though. I just don't really feel anymore. I've been on sertraline (now 150mg) for more than half a year and it helped at first but death consumes my mind every day. I know I can't kill myself because of the pain I'd inflict on those around me but I sure as well don't want to live. I don't even know what I'm expecting from writing this...",2.0540909090909096,3.5603089545454587,3.929393939393944,88.26409090909092,76.87878787878788,7.830303030303033,26.393939393939394,8.575989854853784,1.7887484848484854,490,19,108,10,11,166,87,132,0.17,0.652,0.17800000000000002,-0.1952,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,1,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,2,25,18,11,2,2,10,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,3,1,2,2,1,13,6,13,15,1,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706047222839706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898443726754519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041081832492574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669226175131435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070780706295774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345472602523835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252871758107653,0.0,0.1612856962289573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679135849168266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282790280077414,0.0,0.0,0.14789620190995895,0.0,0.10001282604176928,0.0,0.0,0.1605600770913705,0.0,0.0,0.21087867392729087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830963617385735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117858660699004,0.0,0.2104067970960473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521071268961074,0.09352167449913926,0.0,0.33806749981068257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328693105110414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764047976008834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369206778380652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333436956261867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263318437350998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737003281405373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804178974455428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880762801059896,0.1519718368274455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996652256160748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290873909810085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211606793843176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936130226038154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327285898797732
suicidewatch,BigDaddyMontagne,2019/03/24,"Bye for now! I can’t face another week. It’s over for me. I’ve had a good run, and a lot of success in the time that I’ve been on Earth. It just is all so empty though. There isn’t a whole lot more that I can do in the next 30 years that I haven’t done in the first 30. Better to burn out than to fade away. Bye, Friends!",-1.6823684210526295,-0.1925710789473669,0.6913157894736877,107.02671052631581,88.73684210526315,4.326315789473685,13.447368421052632,5.148860815047168,-1.6179157894736842,242,3,72,1,8,81,54,76,0.032,0.7909999999999999,0.177,0.8961,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,6,0,9,1,1,0,1,6,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,0,4,4,13,6,5,15,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,9,49,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857310510545753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560146932040952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409965494458377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27885336696031154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317810936532193,0.0,0.0,0.21052622330823664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285529053998607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633249837725372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897977552817161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677214724464793,0.0,0.1588919595736745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857620993213545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042269798944221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547556396984199
suicidewatch,Pvprle,2019/03/24,"Well, tonight’s the night Not sure why I’m posting here, I guess it’s just telling somebody, peace y’all

Always love yourself",1.953466666666668,4.638514480000001,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,84.2,3.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,3.1291,0.3655333333333339,102,5,21,0,3,29,23,25,0.071,0.5760000000000001,0.353,0.8333,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980613976273692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946113240042925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32330066030854193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33615805454349085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430684429168092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33761093077436405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130934107259879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32207595100401265,0.0,0.3232309583915611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,camcl9,2019/03/24,"Venting I just need to vent. I don’t know where else to go with this. I’m currently in a car heading back to my hometown. I moved to a bigger city 3 years ago to chase my dream and go to film school. I graduated over a year ago with a group of friends and a great boyfriend. I got a job at a film festival. I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety and an ED, but everything got really severe and I did something really stupid in September, which ended my relationship and ruined my whole friend group. I haven’t been able to get it together since. 3 suicide attempts later, my mom drove to my city and is taking me back “home”. I don’t know what to do. I want to die. I want my ex back. Mostly I just want to die. ",1.5111428571428576,3.3891602666666683,3.456571428571433,89.36399999999998,79.66666666666666,7.219047619047619,22.714285714285715,8.192908349453996,1.1886285714285711,560,18,124,11,14,189,88,150,0.221,0.674,0.105,-0.9764,2,0,1,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,1,8,0,7,1,1,0,0,20,21,8,3,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,0,2,3,0,5,3,4,0,0,5,0,19,4,19,16,2,21,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,1,10,73,23,3,0.14377654531471007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25489846488230283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963360340074372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998866363204306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33166586565153555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383452780172415,0.0,0.2984347092952077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010685460710233,0.0,0.12734334400927033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292170881637017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221628045140076,0.0,0.0751173107688672,0.0,0.16342304806827349,0.0,0.22998247505109345,0.15851414878526146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755621502722005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442195977736101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142676036139965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803165844693656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838935218351622,0.0,0.15281171396815238,0.0,0.10660848656486684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421387307490936,0.0,0.0,0.15436220279798188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455095397219012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242657183905965,0.0,0.11893344403015195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068620886973182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030646239773562,0.0,0.15726820469670255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810206886482353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544093946453674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052137828743146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851747625669397
suicidewatch,LukewarmJorts,2019/03/24,"Imposter Syndrome Things have been going pretty well for me lately but I don't think they're going to last. 


They never do. My life has been a series of ups and downs and I am on medication for major depression and what she called ""mild"" anxiety. Which I can see because I have anxiety due to having been in real shit and not wanting to return to that. 
 

The meds do help. They really do but I don't feel like I deserve anything good. In fact they make me feel like I'm looking at this all clearly and factually.


I am constantly scared of messing up, my family doesn't actually care about me (this isn't an exaggeration. Any conversation steers towards them asking me for money.) I made my own family with wonderful friends and my lovely boyfriend but I can't help but think how much better they would be without me. 


I have found my father dead and dealt with setting all that up and dealing with my family afterwards at 21 years old. During this time I watched my dear friend of 10 yearsdie from cancer. She passed when we were 23. Last year my grandmother has passed (25) and now my family is calling me up for money again because they no longer have her to take care of them. A few weeks ago a childhood friend of mine  had passed. I'm assuming suicide as he wasn't doing well the last time we spoke.


I'm 26. I'm going to school and working full time. I'm failing my precalculus class. I'll probably get at bachelor's at 33. 


I am in charge of my team at work and they seem to like me but I know I'm replaceable. I work hard but I don't think I work hard enough at work or school. I hardly sleep. I also have a sport I play but I'm not as good as the others. The girls that praise me only think I'm good because they're new. They'll be better than me in time. (As they should be! They're hard workers!)


 Unfortunately if I kill myself my boyfriend doesn't get my life insurance policy which is 150k. I keep thinking how he can go to grad school and get a nice house with that money so if I just die ""accidentally"" it would be okay. He'll have a great life.


I don't think I'm worth all the love and support I receive from others. I feel like I'm a failure. I'm terrified of letting them down. I feel awful for wanting to die and I know it'll hurt them beyond belief but I've been there many times and I've moved on from their deaths. They'll move on from mine. I mean shit even my friends fiance has found a new girl. My boyfriend will find someone as well. I'm just fooling them and not letting them find someone better. 


They'll all be okay without me eventually. I love them all so much but I can't seem to love myself that same way. I feel like I'm just in their way and taking up their energy. 


I haven't made a plan to die but I certainly don't want to be alive anymore. I guess I'm here to express my feelings without emotionally burdening my friends further. They all know I'm depressed and want to die. In fact my best friends are all mental as well so I don't want to trigger them.


Thanks for reading.",1.530673211781206,3.656838442834143,3.0425383096981986,91.08891888733056,80.83574879227055,6.067643239312242,21.932393122435197,7.233258080335977,0.6462990286218897,2367,74,512,32,62,775,258,621,0.185,0.617,0.198,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,6,58.0,2,0,22,14,21,49,3,1,15,3,57,12,3,6,13,102,125,44,8,10,22,1,10,5,6,9,5,1,0,2,16,24,0,1,25,4,4,10,21,11,4,0,12,14,94,38,71,96,16,64,2,4,3,4,55,26,2,8,30,319,110,14,0.0,0.0,0.05474462787321708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049728466111936494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486242890849775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03814931079027542,0.0,0.08583131380800996,0.0,0.05563523156612642,0.0,0.0,0.04616477822170136,0.0,0.05244508439988625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259246950039663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887254297564117,0.1488452816870982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456690391838968,0.0,0.11439353972987312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062319605200641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057835707387125,0.0966361428990033,0.0,0.2328880299010811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310393522950343,0.0,0.05796536512186825,0.0,0.037052925563676564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115409499958274,0.0,0.1701923391479395,0.16030882908922905,0.0,0.0,0.10254711965878936,0.0,0.0,0.12301953215858567,0.2600521466626054,0.0,0.08792839089197893,0.0,0.12752964222872,0.14115978698812245,0.0,0.061849454289731286,0.061799481812186224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010150935557439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520408659045857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473082781293757,0.06005524535542546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986345646259701,0.062065340864091524,0.0,0.0924917924710172,0.13718475849773173,0.06328222676239119,0.0,0.0,0.11473025836424088,0.11887335723510001,0.13703592958497807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710911393241285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252650708410186,0.10616464709137663,0.03744658395394527,0.05687568091182312,0.0,0.06110836442528285,0.062313451944389975,0.05651393994790396,0.05653469677291347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924892749873585,0.08247858468005692,0.0,0.04326708326524257,0.10836171807007967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058866567130851234,0.0,0.0,0.04266589243234424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057072951299433586,0.06048431661207585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611427984547213,0.0638530558996683,0.03593851908360477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616498429818292,0.17032584841258702,0.044703718435451,0.1021410249207714,0.0,0.0,0.11516983716144685,0.0,0.0,0.0561396127307868,0.0,0.09506516844600564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136330865198586,0.06366059232395467,0.0,0.0,0.08435908110559721,0.0,0.0,0.05164851286935777,0.0,0.0,0.03726974839483319,0.2156762233289471,0.0,0.0,0.1635591777485445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544350925536958,0.0890577065930127,0.04499931307765993,0.0,0.20175930760667732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223258754266368,0.06083707943979597,0.20420405970810826,0.0,0.0,0.07970238021375055,0.0,0.0,0.07225196047648129
suicidewatch,MrandMrsWallace,2019/03/24,"Felt like I could conquer the world yesterday and now I can barely get out of bed Yesterday was great, I went to the library I was motivated and made so many goals for myself. I was even in the process of writing a resume to apply to some jobs. Why can't these feelings ever last. This morning I was just hit with sadness I don't even know why. Wasted hours watching youtube videos about death and contemplating whether I should leave the house or not. A half written resume is still open on my computer. Yesterday I was convinced I was going to get a job and right now I don't even know who in their right mind will even give me chance considering I was rejected so many times before. I'm so tired of this cycle of highs and lows nothing ever seems to last and nothing ever changes no matter how much planning I do. ",3.2538624338624333,5.2342653209876575,3.9277954144620817,87.51222222222223,74.80246913580247,6.603880070546737,26.386243386243386,7.447530270364453,1.332891005291005,650,24,129,8,14,206,102,162,0.121,0.774,0.105,-0.5794,2,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,4,16,6,0,0,7,0,16,1,0,3,3,30,30,12,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,9,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,11,3,17,3,16,15,2,25,0,3,1,0,4,10,0,3,14,88,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521578734103055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432356941785726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810622020825242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577228098484423,0.3674323035284596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684625222440859,0.0,0.130005639792519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148226524100085,0.12988842365247627,0.07695118074857628,0.0,0.0,0.1492794444671654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305798099841466,0.0,0.0,0.1333421424098437,0.15623390904225615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687280545865256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882506301151702,0.22073883295149996,0.0,0.14336949777934815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661498073844234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811915417727948,0.0,0.27454955416214083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671582900362358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995348903468106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598407154575461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126244301471224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232634599009806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813095278712057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789530755677591,0.15562286814024365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551754872738827,0.24435564330838397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlpacaRuler23,2019/03/24,I can’t fucking stand it. I’m pissed off constantly. I’m 16 & I just want to die. Please help me. Please,-2.937500000000004,-1.8753297499999988,-0.4429999999999996,106.78800000000004,117.33333333333334,3.586666666666667,13.133333333333333,5.6839178017228535,-1.1828566666666664,82,2,22,1,5,27,19,24,0.273,0.438,0.29,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34452414642987345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436163833934187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300062838223593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939613701910909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313092952448856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6980788185467126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754900436947244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuzzyHorse5285,2019/03/24,"soon nobody cares

people only care if you're rich, famous or pretty

surely one more dead person

out of the thousands every year

wouldn't make much of a difference.

hopefully soon

nobody will care or even remember",9.333846153846151,8.915080974358979,8.656025641025643,67.73480769230771,59.769230769230774,10.876923076923077,29.756410256410252,10.125756701596842,3.0241179487179486,174,4,26,3,2,55,34,39,0.084,0.515,0.401,0.9452,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,7,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,17,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6932334982238492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23679389045562466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969568659553464,0.0,0.19095665894610556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510782229564508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128608633101834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666088193480285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357928816459807,0.17237235561588565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712584788762504,0.19789608766975708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23057759949669385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256742547886878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136085202582052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459507807664608
suicidewatch,HillcrestStudento,2019/03/24,"For a week, a kid I know has been running around his house screaming that he wants to commit suicide and he wishes he had a gun. Dad is pushover type.  

Mom has babied and enabled the suicidal kid.

I told the dad to listen to the kid when he says he wants to commit suicide.  Take him to the emergency psych unit locally and get him help.

The dumbass mom blocks that plan and says, ""We just need to talk to him more, and he will get better.""  She is a failure as a mom.  

I told the dad that the mom is an idiot and she caused the problem to grow to its current extent by refusing to get the kid help.  And she still refuses.  I told the dad to expect a suicide.

The dad has a sister who committed suicide and the mom has a sister who committed suicide.  Not they have a son together who will commit suicide.

I have done what I can.  I am not going to the funeral.",1.4089705882352916,3.3907749772727267,3.264692513368985,90.09608288770056,80.47727272727272,6.413903743315508,23.42112299465241,7.5105763829236425,1.0306708556149735,660,23,141,10,17,221,84,176,0.279,0.637,0.084,-0.9929,1,0,0,1,0,9,19.0,1,0,1,3,4,4,1,0,23,0,16,0,0,1,5,29,30,10,8,6,3,13,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,4,8,10,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,6,4,16,1,16,22,2,9,0,0,0,0,46,2,0,0,4,93,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811884228927569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066006900420873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368877698543156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333051395463923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294662208410766,0.0,0.05183175589607337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226051262820788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052339646694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012180620356112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340688416377883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762455011574027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726725195565163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505374372862828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283341327774963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6983153361395401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857196841563283,0.07330408717911957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614400263797743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758568673387726,0.0,0.07315611869275647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487690377641128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayaccount8746,2019/03/24,"Went two years without thinking about it, but I seriously considered it yesterday I’m 14. In 2016 when I was twelve I almost jumped off the stairs at my school but somehow didn’t. After that I went to a psych ward, and transferred between 5 hospitals. At those placed, I must’ve attempted Suicide 30+ times, but failed every attempt. I wasn’t safe to go back to school, but I did since I had just spent three months in a series of hospitals and it was killing my family. Two years later, after lying about my depression going away, I’ve found out that three of my closest friends are going to a different high school next year (I’m in my last year of Middle School now). I’m socially awkward, and suck at making new friends. My parents divorced at 3 so I’ve had little to no father figure, and my grades at school are awful.

I’m known as one of the nicest kids at my school, I’m friends with all the “jocks”, essentially the cool kids of my school, I’m friends with a bunch of other groups of kids, and because of that and my family, I haven’t done it yet. As well as the fact that I have 20+ internet friends that I regularly play video games with that I don’t want to leave. If I had the chance to never have been born, I’d have taken it in faster than you can say “Don’t do it”. What’s holding me onto this Earth is the connections i’ve made, but i’m tempted to break all of them. I know the quickest ways to kill myself, and the longest, harmlessly and painfully. And everyday, I put on a fake smile, while thinking about what i’m going to put on my suicide note.",5.03568617806198,4.941559576323988,5.6294769634366295,84.79338416133795,68.50155763239876,8.876274799147401,29.355796032136418,8.532816995589336,1.9014199376947043,1228,40,264,17,19,398,166,321,0.17600000000000002,0.691,0.133,-0.9665,2,0,0,0,1,3,38.0,0,1,1,3,11,19,3,1,14,2,21,1,0,2,4,38,45,21,4,2,8,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,3,17,13,0,2,6,3,1,9,8,9,1,5,16,2,30,10,49,29,3,55,0,2,0,0,17,22,1,3,22,165,47,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881974901598854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275227042411105,0.06772661898814647,0.0,0.05369158973142979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586153491130819,0.0,0.0,0.09202286371774884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901344721374158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420959454816335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606438007414798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657308594544084,0.340244591912573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022724657526594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305934411038663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948907264506346,0.0,0.04840541804931602,0.0717954037614526,0.0,0.09326198605395897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827739100843561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334162395209016,0.05879281293129409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070303095809917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793125737783418,0.08506637384124599,0.09367205418266723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968399724100223,0.0,0.09372130397388193,0.0,0.09780030212447892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202286371774884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770856273666769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700432370322654,0.0,0.6239781470036333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285911107814529,0.0,0.0,0.08978452680398523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268628245815544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128737747925766,0.0,0.0,0.05135904600747075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207900283551458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05195074296929543,0.06991229280423356,0.0,0.0,0.0791927859418072,0.16329855457758335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490414134514318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687762394761626
suicidewatch,ats5398,2019/03/24,"Depressed friend, need advice Not sure if this is the right place for this, but it’s worth a shot. Obviously I can’t give every detail, but to keep it brief my friend is depressed and I don’t know what to do to help him. He’s been this way for about a month and it’s gotten progressively worse over time. I’ve tried to be there for him whenever I can but it’s hard because I don’t feel like anything I’m doing is helping.

He’s always been very hard on himself and it’s as bad as it’s ever been right now. I don’t know what to say to him. It seems like at this point he’s just looking for reasons to berate himself. He’s also stubborn and it seems like he’s refusing to try to change anything for the better. 

I want to do what I can to help him, but have never been in a position like this before. If anyone has any advice for me I’d appreciate it.",1.3072499999999998,2.8077597081081116,3.270726351351353,92.20717060810811,78.94594594594595,5.922297297297297,20.75168918918919,6.6274283507984215,0.15560135135135095,666,17,154,6,16,225,94,185,0.134,0.667,0.199,0.9219,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,1,0,5,0,19,0,0,1,4,27,31,13,0,4,8,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,17,4,0,3,6,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,5,5,15,8,24,25,0,15,0,2,1,0,19,8,0,4,9,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702222914720147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057062436255496,0.11504771622268327,0.0,0.0,0.09402507210845436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667823731180886,0.0,0.2275609446801718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544566026514512,0.08428517792094349,0.0,0.11765349497095948,0.0,0.0,0.12228432662537204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626624018824194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381752151254549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506878230554996,0.11649438787750463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991103565262252,0.09877668103625932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364668924453806,0.0,0.0,0.1326365713558798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771690857498274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780287317662677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122896455855962,0.0,0.0,0.15197386752867914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27019755573589205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161079385892762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103619574009994,0.0,0.0,0.10252188817016186,0.10663864011336076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445769775196135,0.0,0.13070529802345895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215964576347942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361554375848427,0.0,0.10995403050931596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517428764625299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031330748158054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062354555420463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774597927009531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408326398501414,0.08155239277128527,0.10974847396661364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090404332297696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,3xmd,2019/03/24,"How much of Fluoxetine would be lethal? How much Fluoxetine do I have to take to die?

",1.382941176470588,3.89186994117647,3.6897058823529436,83.74867647058825,84.88235294117645,8.105882352941178,20.264705882352946,8.841846274778883,1.463258823529412,67,2,15,2,2,23,13,17,0.221,0.779,0.0,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,5,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999900170162463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7082969266419328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622229825670112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422279320773581,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StrangeFishThing,2019/03/24,"I do not fear death, since it's better than where I even live... Hey, I'm a 17 year old male who was born in England.

Recently, I have noticed the downfall of our country, Article 13, Brexit, the pornography block etc.

As someone who has been going through a domestic abuse case (which no one believes because I'm a man who is the victim) I have noticed that I have had less help offered to me because of the fact I am a man who is in severe depression. I feel like all these stupid regulations are targeted specifically at me; I have a really bad sex drive, which means pornography is the only way to relieve it since no one really likes me IRL, and of course how dare I have freedom to relieve my tensions.

The education system at least where I live is shit, my county has the worst education of any county in England, and I feel like every single odd is stacked against me. I have been bullied countless times due to the fact I am homosexual, and no one seems to give a shit about the fact I am the one being bullied.

I have tried to go to therapists, but most of them are too busy with women complaining about the tiniest things, so people like me who DESPERATELY need help are being turned away.

This place is slowly becoming worse, soon I doubt I will even have any freedoms of any kind... so I just want to die, because it's more peaceful than trying to exist in a country where everything is against you.

I've tried multiple times to commit suicide; unfortunately not succeeding, I hope someday I will be able to enter Death itself, so I can finally rest without any hassles left in the world.",10.645731182795698,6.971598422580647,10.205645161290324,67.90513440860218,59.935483870967744,13.301075268817206,42.60752688172043,11.038039088145766,4.53452688172043,1261,52,239,23,12,413,172,310,0.213,0.6779999999999999,0.109,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,1,3,36.0,1,1,1,2,14,21,4,3,19,0,34,3,2,1,5,25,47,9,4,3,5,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,4,15,4,0,1,4,0,0,4,6,11,0,4,4,2,31,10,35,38,9,30,0,1,0,1,18,15,2,4,13,168,46,1,0.10721012547320882,0.12702646755629993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916262468545422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072744202360068,0.0,0.08951597660019668,0.19606289220018014,0.11840516051338493,0.0,0.12078909826304075,0.0,0.09481864364261862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092339923973539,0.0,0.1112671839452882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956762961942065,0.1416225535045597,0.0,0.0903291546459746,0.0,0.09635354782652283,0.0,0.0,0.12064119734645724,0.10841732148618684,0.15318187011931272,0.0,0.11744345206636755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028457214463862,0.12185996992947128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372137442447555,0.0,0.0,0.1064838451006874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164284774174772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648411501923488,0.0,0.0,0.20950980765438865,0.0,0.1893370099467906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167832563655877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794949495838171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441188768703509,0.1124989919998576,0.0,0.29059342256200704,0.08153813149565378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432600198941962,0.0,0.11201176260747682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373631033005922,0.0,0.10585706497888532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760007170009537,0.0,0.12111692563576372,0.22009930629469596,0.17737064734061156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908387914034427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727047636019887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244792188940944,0.0712256435335711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503017264883756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183659132165353,0.11661383035232847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323530972266854,0.0850984073800544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334673515392404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925627707446027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690398057827103
suicidewatch,SkylordMCI,2019/03/24,"Skin condition makes me suicidal Hi. 

I have recently got a series of skin conditions one after the other starting last summer. First I got chickenpox (I was 20), then I got eczema on my scalp and back of hands, I got some steroid creams for these and things got better. But now for the past months I've gotten what was diagnosed as folliculitis all over my body, and I can't even wear a short sleeve shirt or shorts anymore because of it.

I will start on a antibiotic treatment for the next 3 months now but I feel like if this doesn't clear up, and more shit comes my way, I will kill myself.",5.638995157384992,5.714276144067798,5.684285714285719,84.3334745762712,67.22033898305085,9.454721549636805,27.87409200968523,9.23628265651192,1.9408024213075068,467,13,99,8,7,147,84,118,0.146,0.8109999999999999,0.043,-0.9351,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,0,6,0,7,9,8,1,2,14,18,10,2,1,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,8,5,14,2,12,8,3,23,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,3,16,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178696713506915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544142976921616,0.0,0.0994461244798224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428043776480268,0.0,0.1812071976336999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405271243493086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655794945469969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774971689124002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248640775896668,0.11654431253914113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387633048472627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6523733706120085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048569188879468,0.0,0.0,0.13297752395215573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796999556287894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088944734646561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042702226554865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734968699404559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054510117452666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557316663854862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107701069018307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745664694181814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309368454473879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844418582814858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838023656862783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948967627251626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonely_gay_one,2019/03/24,"Things that normal people need I just don’t I don’t know. I haven’t had a full (at least 6 hour) night’s sleep since I was eight. I am fifteen now. This is getting unreasonable. I’ve stopped eating too. I’m not bulimic or anorexic, I just don’t want it. I’m not hungry. Like I’ll eat a granola bar in the morning and I’ll be fine for the rest of the day. I don’t lose weight or anything. It’s weird. I just don’t need as much sleep or food as normal people. I’m not blaming it on the medicines that I take, because this has been happening for years. I mean I take Adderall, Intuniv, and Prozac. I know these have side effects of less sleep and not feeling hungry, but even before I started taking them I just didn’t need as much. I don’t need as much space, I don’t need as much air, I don’t need as much attention. I’m kinda just a waste. I mean, if I’m only taking up a little bit of people’s time and space anyway, they wouldn’t notice if I left, right?",-0.1874308300395242,1.789923995215311,1.9558269190763475,97.22513625962141,86.55980861244021,4.5917204077387135,18.177865612648226,5.7926816847441245,-0.4673355107135429,741,19,176,5,23,248,107,209,0.063,0.911,0.026,-0.6495,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,2,9,4,0,0,8,0,19,9,3,1,0,38,43,16,0,12,15,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,4,5,1,7,1,0,0,15,2,0,1,4,2,21,2,15,37,10,20,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,6,9,105,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708241240332854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450805197276069,0.0,0.0900466482432103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553011421756106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824637523686791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656445754683445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989437118467763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05350673549718262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279602693360993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055287578485661334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357796239770994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421326166036034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631390461365408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497581099624725,0.0,0.0,0.051699238223927316,0.10606135068223536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838764513001848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305421577731672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38895638635253005,0.4707936166401341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930669063735267,0.20736600041938894,0.0,0.12047894188416515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048232837828037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009075714996165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037132991320228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753697455463627,0.0,0.3176949893168159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490129005262625,0.0,0.0,0.08847185218935542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31825961582764084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030337250405065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170560465230435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062416502179392624,0.0,0.0,0.1288625734770401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814583825081849
suicidewatch,likelyladtheysay,2019/03/24,"The moment I asked for help was the moment I lost all hope So I’ve been suffering from anxiety for years. Almost a year ago that anxiety turned to self hatred and depression and very quickly, suicidal thoughts.

To give context I live in a large city having moved here with my BF 3 years ago from my home country. It’s been hard as we’re perpetually broke, he travels all over the world so we’re apart a lot and I have no friends. 

I soon found myself in a scene involving meth and sex. Pretty quickly I began injecting but I did it with the intention to contract HIV and killing myself with diseases. My master plan was to contract HIV and any other infections. Leave my BF. Not take any treatment and die painfully of aids. Waiting back on the blood tests but I’m pretty sure my plan worked 50%. Finally last week I admitted everything to my family and my BF. 

I was packed on a plane and sent home to my folks who live in the middle of nowhere. I’ve been engaging with mental health services and drug addiction councellors since I’ve arrived but it feels the only thing anybody wants to discuss is the drug addiction. 

My family home has always been an unhappy place for me. It’s 15miles to the nearest town. I don’t drive. I only lived here from 14 as we lived in a large city before hand. I was bullied at school when I moved here and experienced a lot of violence at home. I had knives put to my neck/attacked with fire pokers/moved to a hotel for my safety all through my teenage years as my dad battled his own demons and alcoholism. Thing is returning here has brought back bigger demons I had buried. It’s just me/my parents/the cat and not a neighbour to be seen. 

I’ve been told I cannot move back with my BF until I recover, he doesn’t want to see me back for 6+ months. I know I can get over the addiction, however I don’t think my mental health will last that long. This house brings back scary thoughts and I feel terribly alone

Today I broke up with my BF after 5 years. I cannot have him sit and watch me deteriorate here over the phone. I’ve had to quit my job (which I loved and excelled at, only being offered a promotion 3/4 weeks ago) The thoughts of spending the future here has left me hopeless.

I’ve decided I need to do it alone. I need to find somewhere I can engage with MH and NA councillors in the country my folks live in and still try to hold on to my mental state. I’m planning on moving to a city a few hours away but I’m not sure if I even have the funds to do so. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t where to turn. I feel nobody is listening to me. The moment I asked for help was the moment I felt most alone. 

I don’t expect advice. I just hope someone will read this and say they’ve heard me. I’m writing this in tears.",2.6157642282535143,4.243639650176679,3.783627546800993,89.3849533869634,75.64310954063603,7.1491767536275495,24.586722802796782,7.915984808538092,1.2014124201187881,2166,71,466,33,47,704,264,566,0.14800000000000002,0.767,0.085,-0.9874,3,3,4,0,0,2,50.0,1,0,0,9,23,19,2,0,30,0,41,16,2,1,5,72,82,32,3,8,10,1,7,0,7,2,12,3,4,1,17,28,1,2,14,3,2,10,12,10,0,0,26,14,65,9,68,52,8,76,2,6,3,4,32,28,0,7,36,280,82,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176717142047207,0.0,0.06503898456851423,0.17699698655626514,0.07112947002358576,0.0666474821249305,0.20679974749783497,0.0,0.0,0.055380972452635915,0.0,0.0,0.09052243884992034,0.0,0.10183224407784656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444410782849005,0.07571849223521371,0.06253273708685231,0.255892124606482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663532643560961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057325670864393836,0.0,0.069075928270023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437058308937984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396044278476919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981737402017686,0.0,0.1254885233413747,0.0,0.10096005205663787,0.0,0.06390540756646391,0.07291022548669282,0.06083213022890632,0.0,0.0,0.07297660066777698,0.05142197429085425,0.0,0.03477342151495258,0.0638477889491889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059622232149699965,0.0,0.0,0.14149451091744533,0.0,0.0,0.08922385737286016,0.0,0.2670494357568061,0.1322127546556426,0.0655454945653587,0.07679814236506499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604781100382341,0.0,0.07363574736586513,0.0,0.07315625939793229,0.10850610102780273,0.0,0.0704745286651457,0.07231465818009955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938564016407592,0.058901081028593885,0.0,0.0,0.07265511204748186,0.1131692053819774,0.06007052608956257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122219217769127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531253702664866,0.2829593385517873,0.0,0.09870273050104238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185938718198305,0.07082161771271646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695381711383787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354253232093622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690842995139283,0.0,0.07079183914186032,0.06657527175056989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292900489138188,0.0,0.06735950085813636,0.0530375193497428,0.0,0.06943373820745094,0.0,0.0,0.05505685359545071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639375075947994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053152714139472604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280284020876901,0.0,0.12545886052845226,0.0,0.0500427766755584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843537275339715,0.04264720500676578,0.0,0.15851709074380044,0.0,0.0,0.06308850053311678,0.06359831457112088,0.0,0.045188010885522815,0.14479037385669696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491671027899265,0.07851439325872707,0.0,0.10677643925874664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845447827210735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430346769483272
suicidewatch,ImDone_WithItAll,2019/03/24,"I'm out of options I dont wanna be here anymore. My family hates me and abuses me, my friends seem to only interact with me when they have something to gain from it, and the only person in my life who i felt cared about me seems to absolutely hate me all of a sudden and keeps avoiding me when i try to find out what ive done. I dont have any family members i can trust to rely on, and i dont trust my ""friends"". There was only one person in the world who i felt i could rely on and feel safe around, and even she seems to despise me now and i dont know why. I've got no one else. The only decision I have left to make is do I want to end it tonight, or wait till tomorrow. 

​

I just feel so lost and alone. Why was I born a mistake? Why does nobody care about me anymore? I cant stand hiding my pain anymore. I cant eat. I cant sleep. I dont enjoy video games, music, movies, books, and talking anymore. I'm ready to leave. Goodbye everyone",1.3424643061107917,2.622435422330099,3.398989149057684,92.27636493432327,78.27184466019419,6.2062821245002855,22.31182181610508,6.794906146795322,0.4163618503712168,731,21,171,7,17,249,113,206,0.139,0.7190000000000001,0.142,0.1543,0,3,1,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,11,15,3,1,5,0,20,4,1,1,1,36,40,14,0,4,2,0,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,5,13,1,4,10,3,0,0,9,7,0,2,7,4,33,8,24,31,1,19,0,1,0,0,11,9,0,5,9,108,38,1,0.0,0.10679527095087793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335270724406756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976612667892057,0.10952392659514053,0.06129491091180436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35755891697761444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023928597780389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837973394899673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196548668983753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887777171175077,0.09223942937718788,0.5281879163299645,0.0,0.0,0.09223063739814766,0.07529625126052591,0.0,0.079832882629753,0.0,0.0,0.059533336891271174,0.0,0.0,0.08612788332494632,0.0,0.0,0.1699425679729179,0.0,0.09114995832466197,0.0,0.17308752673193809,0.0,0.0823817840157402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927620038132807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208921707096624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797936180770266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011615566089374,0.0,0.0,0.049535854970406114,0.0,0.0,0.0954399817539894,0.09793197326721577,0.0,0.06366503693490835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983930321988112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06016583209135105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215565738415025,0.27420700625394306,0.09591002636435576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740486215264954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24616663682512646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020012392553976,0.0,0.0,0.06939034929682979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244712244597604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119576840173047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053163975708463616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439985335101996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952392659514053,0.0
suicidewatch,Ciaran311Mental,2019/03/24,I want my friend to die For the last few years i have stopped my close friend ending their life it first started when life for me was ontop of the world gradually i’ve been stopping her from ending it and at this point i want her to kill herself just so i feel validated enough to end myself i never feel like my reason to end it is good enough due to my presumed anxiety i doubt if i’m even good enough for death at some points but next time i dont want to save her i want to kill myself this time.  maybe even a suicide pact?,1.664285714285711,3.396921142857142,2.6851428571428606,95.75985714285716,78.64285714285714,5.551428571428572,19.23571428571429,6.2581,-0.2738778571428573,416,9,97,3,10,132,70,112,0.249,0.633,0.118,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,1,1,5,9,2,1,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,19,13,5,5,5,3,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,20,6,14,11,5,22,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,17,62,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763191655250024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245343507288032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957423330410138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521474968519342,0.3956087427373374,0.0,0.16858873416528194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906093371885285,0.0911745232006924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855680454550257,0.0,0.0,0.19720378150918816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408970584046436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28239382161152354,0.0,0.0,0.1040304934543638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802890371666003,0.06235057975163516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128215338221305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843140167401296,0.0,0.13572944100829465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412916308196008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312186012415893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033283698878967,0.0,0.0,0.21339855151499146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959980720082849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883701795883475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011034770066055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218559244908193
suicidewatch,Mariofromlakeshore,2019/03/24,"Thoughts of suicide? M(23) I’m dealing with self doubt. Lately I haven’t been able to find a steady job and I’ve gone completely broke.

Feeling like there is no way out, even after prayer + getting baptized. (Which I believed would cure me)

My question to you all is what you do when you feel like leaving earth? 

I’m told I am good looking and have a great personality but I always feel terrible lonely and lost.

It’s impacting my relationship with my gf when I have to try to act like I’m okay, and when I research the subject and am secretive with my phone she immediately thinks I’m sketchy and probably cheating.

****also feel like the hits to the head I took playing football age 6-20 may have impacted my mood swings, 

Just looking for general advice ",1.84578231292517,4.535656605442178,3.087517006802724,87.47236394557825,84.98639455782312,5.9877551020408175,26.534013605442176,7.3871296695380915,1.6086299319727884,599,27,116,10,18,193,100,147,0.151,0.7120000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.6443,1,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,3,0,1,7,15,1,1,5,1,12,1,1,0,1,26,30,11,1,1,2,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,9,1,0,3,2,6,0,0,6,6,17,8,12,21,1,11,1,3,2,0,13,1,0,3,10,65,20,2,0.15333914504398807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984123785641196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262525889177005,0.12759045241939554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727607068505614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077317617930192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808592544108746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012790591256346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101315162401425,0.3286365475741049,0.0,0.0,0.14014920059736735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011337444566614,0.0,0.0,0.12861359973643668,0.0,0.16905694874573307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737020115954795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521654408379293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297323459265568,0.16236401417688762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29965504323640074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575325247728525,0.0,0.16738779053849692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388982688586673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653255332780855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177493576119846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646288562041805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996617030578847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772813672779202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982535325808814,0.0,0.12173415301621485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652212429422826,0.17036543222271955,0.10410721403903428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171347598621544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892772912424913,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,help3487,2019/03/24,Ready to go I’ve gave away everything. LFG. ,-2.1366666666666667,-3.4504602222222225,0.002222222222224346,100.39000000000004,151.22222222222226,5.644444444444447,14.111111111111107,6.42735559955562,0.31104444444444423,34,1,8,1,3,11,9,9,0.0,0.737,0.263,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6621292790514706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6333775967573843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005217069630813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheBaneOfDanes,2019/03/24,"Our mental health system sucks 
Today was a bad day for me, I won't go into detail, but I called local psychologist and therapist offices in my area. 
I just wanted an appointment sometime in the next week. 

Apparently all of them (10+) have waiting lists, some are months long. I didn't tell any of them I'm starting to idealise suicide. Like yeah okay, maybe I should have right? So I did. I called one of the first ones I tried before, they obviously didn't recognize my number as when I told them the truth then suddenly, magically there was an opening for me to see the doc tomorrow.

Why do I have to be considering suicide before I can get help? Would it not be more proactive in getting people the help they need before getting to that point?",2.913399014778328,5.267404068965519,4.155492610837438,83.71698275862072,77.27586206896551,6.901477832512318,24.839901477832512,7.957251820313856,1.5438177339901475,590,21,112,10,14,193,102,145,0.134,0.727,0.14,-0.2838,1,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,1,0,5,1,4,5,1,0,8,2,16,1,0,0,3,15,28,6,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,6,1,21,3,14,17,3,23,0,0,1,0,12,9,1,1,13,75,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054439541860399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946596731065454,0.0,0.0,0.3958257980138207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31666069760522403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999882085827952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189125120714495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430323649052507,0.0,0.08812236364146205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481814803389336,0.0,0.0,0.20786263491472212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575292964235225,0.0,0.0,0.13722040564515225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577541594702166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626080400813733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376487376313655,0.0,0.0,0.11497266672458985,0.0,0.0,0.16490468630851018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014102719414093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074968749642475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657881294428773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241767638719704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356020963437415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335515898888613,0.0,0.1097500147081856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33921398694590205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552649439337086,0.0,0.0,0.18003291810328334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697573429078625,0.14816343556683848,0.0,0.10527340204501204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914565293522825,0.0,0.12437722748515698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991466178940476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101479155675773,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Connor4Wilson,2019/03/24,There's something weirdly comforting about waiting in a queue for the suicide chatline Honestly one of the first things to make me feel like I'm really not alone. Anybody else feel the same?,5.396476190476188,7.870479314285718,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,70.14285714285714,8.095238095238095,34.52380952380953,8.841846274778883,3.269666666666668,156,8,26,3,3,47,32,35,0.156,0.606,0.238,0.365,0,1,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,3,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37056898805798255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29889283833218283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618250484111565,0.25560969784101034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30434129002662885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480116474473928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388317615199671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424519849437941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292134265094152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754490178060716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913710023876065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377039163703521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bernoullie,2019/03/24,"What's the point? I may be nihilistic, I don't know. I hate it when people say all those generic sayings like ""oh you matter to me"" or ""but life is so beautiful"". Know I'm not trying to be a dick, I still can't kill myself yet as it would devastate my mother since I'm the only one of her kids who isn't a drug addict. So I must wait, but I still can't find any reason why I should live. 

​

I hate nearly everything. I get bored of video games after a few hours of playing them and they were the only thing I really liked growing up. I am not interested in having a girlfriend or dating. I find people to be gross (myself included) so I don't want to be sexual with anyone (I've tried). Finally the one thing that has kept me going is school work and projects. It distracts me from everything else but it's so incredibly difficult and I can't accept it when I fail at it. I'm not smart enough to have made it to the university I did, so I have to spent every waking moment of my life dedicated to school. But I haven't even been able to do that. I've been trying to do an assignment since noon (it's currently 1600). I've wasted so many hours just staring at my table. I always look up stuff about suicide then I watch videos of people committing suicide to see if I could work up the courage to do it. (I was supposed to be working on the same assignment yesterday but I just watch suicide videos for about 6 hours). I've spent the past two fantasizing about trying to jump off the parking garage. ",2.6983870967741943,4.194493354838709,4.319548387096777,86.17932258064518,75.12903225806451,7.540645161290323,23.36774193548387,8.238735603445708,1.242634838709678,1180,34,249,20,25,396,166,310,0.18600000000000005,0.7170000000000001,0.097,-0.9887,1,0,1,0,0,4,38.0,0,1,2,4,17,15,3,1,14,0,32,6,2,2,3,36,49,21,4,6,13,1,0,2,1,4,4,2,0,1,17,4,0,2,6,5,2,3,10,8,0,3,9,7,35,7,36,30,4,30,0,1,5,1,11,10,1,4,19,170,52,9,0.10230306737161314,0.0,0.0,0.1115254439349536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512434738103937,0.11084533075537276,0.12430942448523873,0.06956959393435819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715326833710271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168067481987752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186390790767753,0.0,0.08546108554609841,0.0,0.0,0.1057064159285712,0.0,0.06757021115574308,0.0,0.08619474655569971,0.0,0.18388680082748315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206800977117456,0.18700630040264246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053449130298275305,0.0,0.058141190762400485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200619832002292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302243741932238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131831865862445,0.0,0.11244618074218407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451936389141598,0.0999602223804725,0.0,0.09033548276821432,0.0,0.08590881090624589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680163593170628,0.0,0.10371925321346268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864641215039736,0.15561218537776705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765985363956474,0.21277219727402671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670946593981596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553796457801002,0.10518459180982853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627110106367328,0.0,0.20707233176034665,0.0815222994723925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925230900105315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339872350645934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711253634607052,0.33570885373443393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359312243473179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782826958246026,0.0,0.09993523160497987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060340999716855935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231260607865786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234335544105586,0.0,0.0,0.0726731638423974,0.0,0.12430942448523873,0.0
suicidewatch,Frostbing,2019/03/24,"Lost I have no courage to talk to other people, my mind races and then self doubt sets in.
It's always been like this.
I have no clue how it started maybe the past of childhood trauma.

I've tried receiving help so many times but always ended with me isolating myself.
I've never had a relationship with the opposite sex, I'm 23 and male.
Always seen myself as a dirty Aboriginal, so I truly never tried having any relations with people.
I've always hated the color of my skin so much that I cant truly accept myself, I guess it's just how I was raised.

Now in the present i'm gonna be homeless my power bill is a staggering 1k
First it was 500, now they added another 500.

I can't keep going like this, it's so hard waking up knowing you failed as a human being.
I see suicide is the only option at this point.",2.456785714285715,4.06302348809524,4.401904761904763,84.87642857142858,76.02380952380952,6.704761904761906,20.92857142857143,7.447530270364453,0.7194357142857135,638,15,128,8,14,218,108,168,0.189,0.713,0.098,-0.9468,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,1,4,9,9,1,1,9,0,13,3,2,2,2,18,25,12,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,6,5,0,1,6,5,17,4,13,16,1,20,0,2,3,1,9,5,0,3,14,81,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340903080811175,0.0,0.0,0.10912402561853836,0.16826512573982974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212738708154654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364943527269109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119789884406848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677405166135945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437481815823619,0.15842933898232112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075585967572434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263170127415095,0.0,0.0,0.0881892448559833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679352503011135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517023202461285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268978737292647,0.16121209235523712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620273558191777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796274953808072,0.0,0.24752627006196434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204346139882966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318526051081927,0.2224971896788825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516945211543012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228302522220432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787255168545766,0.0,0.16740355481368982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358037081500685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552640209386175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897843439497628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357042385850338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789504216509176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biboicali,2019/03/24,"I need help Hello guys, I’m now 24 years old. A high school dropout, never had a job nor a social life. I’m tired of always thinking I’m lazy or a failure when I know I’ve been dealing with mental health problems since I was 12 years when I first thought of suicide. My whole life since I was a kid I’ve been bullied. I was humiliated in public everyday. In school, my neighbors and some family members as well. That’s why I dropped out of my senior year in high school 6 years ago. I couldn’t take it anymore. Now I’m unable to communicate with people. I can’t even complete a sentence while speaking to someone. Which is why I choose to stay quiet. People mistake the latter with arrogance. The older I get, the worse I get. The more I think about suicide. The more I lose sense of reality. I have never been treated by a professional. I wish I can get help but I don’t have the resources to do so. And I was wondering if any of you know of any mental hospital that offers help for those who can’t afford it. I live in a small city in Southern California. I need help",0.7415874125874105,3.0994044454545464,2.7818181818181813,90.18926573426576,86.36363636363636,5.202797202797203,22.097902097902107,6.67199483983844,0.5868146853146858,838,30,175,10,26,281,125,220,0.127,0.797,0.076,-0.7933,2,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,1,0,3,8,5,0,0,14,0,17,4,0,0,2,25,34,11,2,7,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,2,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,3,1,1,9,2,25,2,23,24,4,28,0,1,0,0,15,9,0,4,17,107,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974051991748508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143197447371992,0.0,0.0,0.14944925940589646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897502447872028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521088499761625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328518729655875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257709470500882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358849759008952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346695107927994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222896858870812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088020597262645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680114972195285,0.0,0.0,0.2946106970851464,0.2321961552214841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090425375775292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077832774758755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522810097010398,0.0,0.0,0.09702924966417156,0.0,0.0,0.1229316636929403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147368821149396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295462387151038,0.1694980437835866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530437482655355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235893300729406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514378427948724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336242696870793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179373202042745,0.0,0.0,0.11201251266899258,0.09310403468136788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712131849095715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24038969099993315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261880709131438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081797364208318,0.0,0.08723532019913499,0.0,0.12629505671237246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987985709159606,0.0,0.1983057515802208,0.12268113761397853,0.12636074013389836,0.0,0.11916409862131555,0.0,0.0,0.11198079644983222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830457945412405
suicidewatch,wetiwnd,2019/03/24,"Just venting For a while I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I don’t even know why. I think from someone else’s point of view it would seem I’m happy. But since I was maybe 8 years old I seemed interested in suicide. I’m 18 now in high school and going to college. Today I got kicked out of the house because of my addiction to nicotine. My Mom found one of my vapes and told me I’m disgusting and she never wanted to see me. Shes sending me to community college instead of the college that I want to go to. I feel too guilty to live right now. I caused so much pain to my parents that I can’t face them anymore. I’ve never been able to tell them how I feel, because it always seems to never care to them. Just how successful they want me to be, never how happy. 

Re-reading this I sound like an idiot. I’m not a parent so I wouldn’t know how it feels raising a child. Maybe I’m just spoiled.

But anyways just wanted to say this because I’ve never talked about this to anyone and I feel like I needed to say this, and just have someone listen. I have a stockpile of pills just in case, and while I’m driving, I just imagine driving into a tree without my seatbelt going 60. ",1.9360680272108832,3.5505887836734686,3.5053061224489817,90.71088435374149,77.48979591836735,5.64625850340136,24.72789115646259,6.18269132825596,0.6275850340136055,912,32,196,6,21,302,130,245,0.103,0.807,0.09,-0.7357,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,4,1,20,10,2,0,8,0,11,4,1,5,5,49,42,16,2,7,11,3,4,2,0,2,3,4,0,1,9,8,0,0,13,0,0,6,10,3,0,1,7,10,31,7,30,32,1,26,0,0,2,0,17,8,0,3,14,125,40,5,0.10297884408782276,0.0,0.0,0.1122621403040118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568664774426983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021273420942605,0.07200520216359216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832484262258792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499379472772034,0.10578763970632746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860256102787173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801655530339752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827679095544727,0.07356810679248656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291098725906228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557575073050888,0.0,0.08236158891347019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21924578883062454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088028027096571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882375987307893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318895916246585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006205231179517,0.0,0.0909322059894308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069121803672479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060757758923317,0.0,0.0,0.0757012993022137,0.0763575080509251,0.3971181650244666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805897396403648,0.0,0.0697811298673412,0.0,0.10957675065779818,0.0,0.22869163926993266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734829336697218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300671162553056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794337018415592,0.0,0.16378582017357518,0.0,0.10422008799497448,0.08206080602210518,0.2812442161279645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518516398345907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450728083326436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528428257869054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277049410850731,0.09000804870904315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598468518799855,0.0,0.08175369935722389,0.0,0.0,0.09761190319506677,0.0984006985873272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429583613313894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292238945469276,0.0,0.0,0.09926793089204022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315321623261152,0.0,0.0,0.06631499929853123
suicidewatch,opwantstodie,2019/03/24,"all i do is cause problems I have made many many mistakes and I can feel my parents disliking me more and more. It doesn't help that they make it extremely obvious I'm the least favorite compared to my younger brother. because of something I told them yesterday, everything I've hoped for (a future with the person I love the most) is possibly down the drain and I want to end it all because of what I've done. If I could do it right now I probably would but the only thing keeping me here is the messages from my love that I'll probably have to leave if I stay alive.",3.3265996168582386,4.764086353448273,4.288390804597704,87.27346743295023,73.39655172413794,7.914176245210728,30.13026819923372,8.515128840125781,2.2008842911877404,451,20,94,8,9,146,75,116,0.08800000000000001,0.797,0.115,0.7269,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,7,0,12,2,0,3,3,22,22,6,0,8,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,16,3,9,17,6,7,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,4,4,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148289009679355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810136309497421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068734273419967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803214403360375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606753510050572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836393020357287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909580145200771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118108166339123,0.0,0.0,0.17501379652043764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662131347195224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657828969376464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180682788826732,0.16673178767912142,0.11761986793482665,0.3572934762636561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401373645686387,0.0,0.0,0.1956575650379272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385758374108524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864746945877595,0.0,0.0,0.3799629542064585,0.16860677071230015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048023378896885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565313462053605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781373932514686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706442674599818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837380802454824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393174305684913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517274534791045,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,everythingfellapart,2019/03/24,"I screwed up, and now it's going to kill me Hi.

This will all sound stupid. But all I hope is that someone will take their time to read this. It's a horrible feeling, needing peoples attention and support, but right now that's all i need.

I have it all. I'm a 24 year old girl in ""the best country in the world"", Norway. I'm pretty, even though I've gained a lot of weight, I actually have a face that has been described as unforgettable. I have the best freakin' dog in the world. I get hit on by guys, I have a group of loving friends, and a small, but amazing family.

My dad, though, is an alcoholic. I haven't seen him since i was twelve, and from time to time he's gotten hold of my phone number and said some pretty awful things. So I guess he's the root of my depression. But I've made a name and a living for myself. I've fought to never be what he is, and to only make good choices. I'm a good person. I give to charity, I adopt pets, I'm kind to everyone and I take care of my family and friends. 

I've always wanted to be an actress, and at 21 I got into the national school of acting, which hightens your chance of an acting-career dramatically. I've been in a few movies and professional plays, I have all the connections I need to have a good career. On the side I work at a hotel, with the best people in the world, and I love that as well.

So, you would think I'm pretty happy, right?

Here's the stupid part.

In november I broke up with my mentally abusive boyfriend. Long story short, that put me in some economical problems. There was a huge bill to my school I wasn't able to pay, and that snowballed out of proportions. Now I owe money everywhere. I'm about 3-4000 $ in debt. That's not a lot for many, I know, but for me it seems impossible to get out of, as what I make is just enough to get by on the daily. 4000 dollars is what many people in the world make in a day. For me - it was enough to try and kill myself. I've only tried once, with pills, and it didn't work. I woke up, and threw up for two hours. I wish I could say that I felt relieved that it didn't work, but the first thing I thought about was money.

It seems hopeless. I keep imagining this is the start of the end. That I'll never get out of it, that I'll end up on the streets, and that I'll live an awful life like my dad. Covered in debt. It will grow if I don't get out of it now, as debt do, and I'm crying writing this because I feel like such a failure. It's all I can think about. It's overwhelming. It has sparked my underlying depression so hard. I can't go to school, barely make it to work, and I feel like a burden for the people who are starting to worry about me. 

Please help me. I don't want to die. Or, that's all I want. But I don't want to wanna die.

I'm crying out for help.

I just want this all to stop.",1.0806297638385622,2.591303476821192,2.9793627389728847,93.99994939397727,79.62913907284769,6.214119705110583,20.005497938273148,7.052630249996997,0.1435781956766209,2156,52,518,25,53,723,248,604,0.14400000000000002,0.647,0.21,0.994,4,0,1,0,0,5,91.0,0,2,1,9,20,35,6,1,39,2,38,8,1,6,10,92,98,37,4,15,12,2,6,3,2,4,3,3,1,3,40,28,2,3,12,4,9,6,11,13,1,2,19,10,59,22,83,71,19,67,0,5,1,3,28,41,1,10,23,327,99,11,0.07014134986012655,0.08310602998584267,0.06844783945212564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495977165386028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836322199001024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275751584626114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082705790241666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151378085831693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056002160409727685,0.0,0.154093958474593,0.0452353680106856,0.0,0.12082528371080048,0.0,0.14559129452763853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424883384089525,0.14494952874039232,0.0,0.0463277000637881,0.0,0.0,0.06702306563286364,0.0,0.0,0.13224604445570085,0.0,0.10639672200310188,0.1002179887099576,0.06734669549823143,0.0,0.0,0.05966219635929846,0.0,0.0,0.10838206581758507,0.0,0.1832298016223061,0.06728597413488492,0.07972589106710351,0.17649370928661068,0.056098445017395145,0.0,0.07726860467663459,0.06945096396884118,0.0,0.07466677119920563,0.06283287230950822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402853659008653,0.0,0.0,0.06966618685214836,0.06907510071324079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623448545560335,0.1552020226293353,0.07304142223760042,0.03854785152835536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049542909732360016,0.10280256169567603,0.0,0.12387219395118405,0.062072887406652726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192633347453443,0.1266106134997987,0.06636944118454094,0.18727958275256912,0.14222463927597145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068598323745598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602676649040068,0.1081946661783762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736015476331614,0.0746982484350163,0.0,0.1066913145178036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759562466738711,0.0,0.19450872149374074,0.06124472121987715,0.0,0.07699413909437065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140769072346084,0.0,0.06711579901992898,0.0,0.0705114297802535,0.0,0.0,0.07016033110554076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980065906944712,0.06672048592447885,0.05577921667641336,0.0,0.21296037217919506,0.0,0.1277081011755844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802164942500649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943053811920166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929281689308808,0.0,0.0,0.05864130920480728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959557260867005,0.0,0.0,0.10547513179224102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319759229923308,0.08988748961358768,0.13782704022097886,0.055684396924132164,0.12269995549570073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524274471179828,0.0,0.06851790687658968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685592723606772,0.0,0.0,0.08541326793996401,0.06306549716173245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065909075797585,0.0,0.0,0.20425495231046845,0.07123194552510377,0.0,0.04982640248699239,0.0,0.0,0.045168729635433495
suicidewatch,yalljustdab,2019/03/24,I'm really done at this point I'm just a worthless Human. I feel like nobody cares but they do and I just throw that away because of how I act and I just hate it and I don't want to throw away something that is important to helping me feel better. At this point I am probably losing friendships and I just don't know what to do with my life at this point. I fucked up with my friends like I always do and they won't forgive me at this point. The voice in my head is taking over and I just can't control my movements and actions and I'm just tired of it and I just feel like ending it all and leaving everything behind just so I don't have to feel this pain anymore ,0.8847321428571426,2.759611659722225,2.4339285714285737,95.93250000000002,81.70833333333333,5.2253968253968255,20.702380952380953,6.18269132825596,-0.014395238095238128,525,15,121,4,14,171,72,144,0.18,0.655,0.165,-0.6774,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,3,10,12,2,0,2,0,13,5,1,2,1,31,26,13,0,1,9,0,4,3,1,1,3,1,0,1,11,12,0,1,6,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,1,5,20,7,18,24,1,19,0,2,0,1,6,13,1,0,4,86,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200851940256467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541829010078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755288081184122,0.0,0.0,0.08938473620642381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296829709233257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949980864483778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644588396418251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005415290193946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987131054054615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317822514762261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29656362524803004,0.2095060554075953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328654355698765,0.13555775344154633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476749558409308,0.15048543897663508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982834920672302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058441824766881,0.0,0.0,0.1552607785170586,0.0,0.0,0.10356962582317324,0.2149091142608119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404228784516411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602544224395815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5544537662632536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809273462245635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393540472066872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288350495672728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024806569079076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853046175622616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648660766548215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bananaboatbitchin,2019/03/24,"pets my dog is the only thing that keeps me alive. if i did it, i guarantee no one would find me for days on days..... no one would check up on me because no one cares. would she be okay while she waited for someone to find me?? ",-0.1891836734693868,1.57956885714286,1.4768979591836742,101.92881632653062,84.91836734693878,4.736326530612245,15.922448979591836,5.6839178017228535,-0.98378693877551,170,3,44,1,5,55,34,49,0.117,0.708,0.175,0.504,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,9,2,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452302674659003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24290385715800025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072930905870091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43549821020282814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176066296393928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843173535800977,0.1811939706626341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186188967871888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827756815272406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077213877018726,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirkirr,2019/03/24,"I almost died today. My whole life has been filled with so much misery. From being verbally and physically and sexually abused for years, to having to deal with an abuse from an alcoholic guardian...things looked up for me when I was 17, I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents and had an awesome job which stemmed from my high school trade school, I was stable. I was in college, hung out frequently with friends, had a good relationship with myself and those around me...Then I deteriorated quickly, and got into my first car accident after three months of quitting my job which stemmed PTSD. The ptsd is so bad that I quit my other job and can’t drive or go anywhere in public anymore. My ptsd from childhood also popped in there too, causing me nightmares and dissociation and panic attacks everyday of my life. It’s torture!! and this has been eating at me for months. My boyfriend is done being patient with my anxiety, which is understandable as I am over this whole anxiety, depression shit; but it’s all I’ve ever known my whole life, and I can’t get rid of it.
I believe my only purpose is to die- I have tried multiple things to get better. Therapy, traveling, exercise, hotlines, going out, meditation, eating right, everything.

Anyways, today I shoved a handful of Imodium pills In my mouth, I choked on one and they all fell onto the floor before I could swallow any...
It doesn’t change my views on living, as I still want to die.
I don’t know what to do now.
I don’t know if I should tell someone.
I don’t really have people I trust because I’ve been too open about my emotions to only be shut down...
I just need some advice",5.107376623376624,6.324169765079367,5.652503607503611,80.0391883116883,68.80952380952381,8.520923520923521,29.873737373737374,8.841846274778883,2.355031746031746,1296,49,244,22,22,418,185,315,0.13699999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.057,-0.9727,4,0,2,0,2,1,49.0,0,0,1,4,15,10,3,1,7,0,31,12,3,1,3,41,42,21,3,5,4,1,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,14,23,4,0,4,2,1,8,6,6,0,3,10,3,42,4,44,27,7,44,0,1,2,0,8,21,1,4,15,176,56,7,0.0,0.21667713339030886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935173368326588,0.0,0.09771895279029363,0.09156151672715228,0.0,0.0,0.07312259049700655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062180682110413936,0.0,0.13989897925955475,0.0,0.090681497948173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139882185866032,0.0,0.10402343452905796,0.0,0.0,0.0763465503508864,0.0557394930670904,0.0,0.0778066361015916,0.1030188277290955,0.0,0.08086909874642458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393157049086187,0.09672882328811046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300545810761966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426811811725984,0.0787550437675427,0.0,0.28469327992992993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357237902509677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712691998678208,0.0,0.1028549574065208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827105156112792,0.0,0.0,0.08217819064276402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777674905843014,0.0,0.0,0.07064443860534145,0.0,0.09554471119354284,0.0,0.10393215472060706,0.07669349423493495,0.07313097651333912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660881139513887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272213033075239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050339270137358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375517629318784,0.0,0.0,0.08074104820276946,0.0,0.07678452840310114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596918962889155,0.09718366464823308,0.06721713379176951,0.06779979844434532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061960462841048676,0.1390847823635641,0.0,0.10728228531448973,0.10153059891679188,0.0,0.0,0.06339129693696309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206568732926961,0.0,0.0,0.1945102187531462,0.0,0.0,0.05857724777629043,0.0,0.0,0.09816972901834012,0.0,0.07808718389586031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507940188929714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385935007598548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747475506714592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302216032185832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992046514629557,0.0,0.10456682844720976,0.0,0.06074705752914865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733442468546954,0.0,0.0,0.062080106894448574,0.0,0.0,0.09518973353150777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053932246969252216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062603394320108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058882796218005275
suicidewatch,Giraffeless,2019/03/24,"It's too difficult Over the last year or so I've gone out almoste every week to kill myself. Everey time when I'm on my way I think to myself ""this is the day I finally do it. This shitshow is almost over."" And yet when I have my neck in the noose I can't bring myself to let go.",0.9438095238095237,1.9171573492063525,3.3716190476190446,93.33171428571433,78.6825396825397,6.309841269841268,18.949206349206353,6.742157984588678,-0.08145460317460351,215,4,53,2,5,75,46,63,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,6,11,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,0,8,9,0,18,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,9,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5773513731952267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859199125187037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428924634871877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158020187905156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383895328507278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189445310045413,0.0,0.0,0.23499067193203144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29479084410526163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847213247114116,0.0,0.0,0.16810124463097642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882713658052384,0.2312447592370256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856460250398988
suicidewatch,RedStellaSafford,2019/03/24,"I'm so isolated and it's never going to get better. I'm not saying I have to have my life figured out at 28 years old, but other people have some idea of what their identity is by the time they get to my age. I don't know. Nothing can make me happy anymore – I just have things to do to pass the time.

I can't deal with it anymore.

I'm supposed to be going on a trip overseas in less than two months, but that doesn't even excite me anymore.

Multiple times a day, I think about how I've never dated, had a girlfriend, or lost my virginity. Honestly, the idea of a woman even being the tiniest bit interested in any of that seems unbelievably foreign to me.

I rarely get messaged and it just seems like virtually everyone would barely notice I was gone.

I don't know what to do anymore. :(",3.81419191919192,4.5118397345679,5.522772166105501,81.69792929292932,71.4074074074074,8.113131313131314,27.690235690235692,8.296473431620573,1.8003629629629634,615,21,126,9,11,211,101,162,0.073,0.8170000000000001,0.109,0.7828,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,2,7,7,0,0,8,0,17,2,0,2,2,24,33,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,8,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,4,1,16,6,20,26,3,22,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,4,12,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939249959509238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547903885163678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215417255837208,0.15078911535094522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907470244941318,0.1423936230989328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245131099067366,0.0,0.0,0.13197769557405958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648290853541632,0.0,0.1569913175601672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470292101051672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118368857869536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518121132181928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755684847851022,0.06747749233090257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077214426773378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921948568241708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024449298021698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130502772559709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252797383557818,0.1572482913928407,0.14493163742343113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575365058806412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983700026800246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514749324004078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175948122158414,0.0885004559857198,0.0,0.0,0.24161320017898374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492124494371552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981150849619512,0.0,0.0,0.08894348226245917
suicidewatch,HennyAndLean,2019/03/24,"24 yr old mid life crisis Not usually a poster only a commenter...

Mobile so sorry for format. Kind of a vent and need advice. If wrong place lmk. Also will probably TL;DR

So I moved into my new apartment praying for new beginnings. My last apartment had nothing but memories of arguments and friends fucking me over and bad energy. The apartment is okay but this apartment just does NOT fit me. Room has no A/C. Neighbors upstairs sound like 5 people doing construction randomly during the day or night. I've got a  til February in this apartment so ill stick it out regardless and just move out.

2-3 days ago, I broke up with my gf of 3 years whom I love / loved very very dearily. We loved each other and there was no doubt about it. It was just very very toxic and caused me to feel more and more depressed and anxious. She has BPD and switches moods very easily without knowing it. Paranoid, happy, manic, depressed in a short period of time depending on situation. She couldnt hold a job because of stress ending up deteriorating her health and some jobs screwing her over with bad bosses, stress and scheduling. I wasn't the BEST bf in the world but I ALWAYS tried to accommodate to her needs mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually. We had an incident a year ago where her and my best friend at the time hooked up and cheated on me basically. My brother/ childhood bestfriend. For a month or 2, all I did was drink and snort a bunch of drugs, and go to work and come home. I dont remember much but it was the darkest period of my life even besides jails and rehabs. I got back with her and I tried to make it work. I was very toxic about it for a long time almost a year of me battling intrusive thoughts and mental trauma from it. It was simply devastating. We argued a lot but we also loved like nobody else existed. Now, shes gone. 

When I moved in, I had to get a credit card because they needed over a grand a day before my paycheck. I had about 3 solid incomes; mine, my roommates and my gfs. My gf is moving out now and she didnt have a job because she had quit her job and my roommates hours got cut big time. (I will get to him in a second). I paid off my credit card with my income tax check after worrying about it for weeks. Arguments with girlfriends, battling childhood traumas and depression and going to work everyday to pick up more hours and dealing with bills alone. When I was depressed I started spending more and more on my credit card knowing I could pay it off as well as my gf and roommate were going to help. Now thats practically impossible and my debt has risen back up to about $1,500+ (give or take $200). 

When I broke up with my gf 3 days ago, I went on a drinking rampage in one night. I am a recovering drug addict with hard drugs clean for years besides occasionally using cocaine or pills RARELY. In one night, I blacked out after drinking maybe 13 rum and cokes and some other beverages. It is already hard for me to retain water because I am very skinny because of a high metabolism, I had not been drinking water for a couple of days and only Monster energy drinks and coffee to Simply stay awake. I ended up in the hospital the next day because my body was rejecting everything I put into it even water and I couldn't stop puking. I had to get IV fluids into my body and other drugs to Simply get me back walking because I was so dizzy from not even being able to hold back a single sip of water. So now I am trying to recover my stomach but I'm still eating unhealthily so I'm basically crapping bile from my stomach and some crackers because all I've eaten is Pizza Hut. I used to cook and hydrate regularly but noe im so depressed and feel like im the only one cooking or cleaning the house.

My roommate is my best friend, he is an amazing person and it has been there for me for years. He has Asperger's and it's no problem at all I can talk to him or laugh with him or kick it with him in general. I've become very anti-social, anxious and scared of human interaction within the last three years of all my friends basically turning their back on me or screwing me over. He seems to be the one person that will not turn his back on me or screw me over. Unfortunately my roommate's hours were cut and he cannot even pay me what I asked for in the original rent because the job is currently at he's cutting his hours. I am using my credit card to barely scrape by and I tell him to try to find another job and he just kind of laughs It off. Because I don't think he understands the severity of the debt im currently in as well as how bad we are struggling. It is also very hard to talk to him about serious things that I'm going through.

So... now here I am lonely, depressed and anxious in a bathtub crying because its the only thing that helps me get out of my head for some reason...

I am so scared of my what my life has become. I never anticipated my life becoming this way. I feel close to killing myself but I'll never do it because I am trying so hard to start a business, become a twitch streamer and travel the world with a woman who cares and respects me.

Please... help...Im so fuckin close. 

TL;DR:
About $1,500 in debt, broke up with gf, lonely, scared of going into even more debt, physical health detriortaing as well and mental and emotional health, I hate my apartment, I can't even eat right, i stopped drinking after 3 years a month ago and it has been on and off for a month until I was hospitalized 2 days ago and cant stop smoking, gf moved out without helping me pay off credit card and friends job cut his hours for the last 2 months and wont get another job and scared to talk to people. Scared of romance after multiple relationships failed...


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suicidewatch,thephunnieman,2019/03/24,"Thinking about ending it all I'm honestly thinking about ending it all. I can't take it anymore. I have no friends, no passions or interests, a worthless college degree and no job, credit card debt, and still living with my Mom. I'm 24. I always did what I was supposed to do and followed the rules, and it's gotten me no where. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to and no reason to live anymore. I just give up.",2.018255813953488,4.0091098372093015,3.5583139534883728,88.69816860465116,78.53488372093022,5.230232558139536,27.02906976744186,5.985473137389443,1.0122837209302329,330,14,65,2,8,109,58,86,0.175,0.65,0.175,0.25,3,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,2,14,15,6,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,2,2,6,1,0,0,3,2,8,6,8,12,2,7,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,1,5,45,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033428600329754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298700393309433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839117165477154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095837197999159,0.15482986393203374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744279863543202,0.0,0.0,0.20790435637236976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506817796747324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588190033941172,0.0,0.3827479513669126,0.0,0.18199615683186912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538281279955447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795547127077355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22283152642176668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307852009418712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295178653873146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777399140655687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AthenaSardina,2019/03/24,"I’m a horrible manipulative person and all I deserve is suffering If I die I’ll make a world a better play but I won’t die cause I’m too weak to kill myself. I’ll never be happy and I’ll only make people around me suffer more and it’ll never change.

I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die 

I’m literally worst person on this planet and everyone hates me and I deserve it. 

I’ll be stuck in this garbage country forever and I’ll never be myself. I’m just as bad as people who abused me.",-0.9718078381795188,1.0349426725663733,2.699450063211124,90.08497787610621,91.30088495575222,5.352465233881164,16.920986093552465,6.868970318607317,0.045339317319847534,394,10,90,6,14,145,56,113,0.525,0.451,0.024,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,1,5,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,2,0,3,0,6,1,0,4,4,22,18,10,7,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,13,3,10,12,3,7,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,52,18,0,0.0,0.14461702618662992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865618690911856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191210210875737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079490797031554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253856756998781,0.1291196219146974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7600524314602306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663024258753825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993144309295132,0.0,0.12050555140715535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503746343453088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162947359702799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28241255552642897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282948919672618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923725555522326,0.213150103643662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879684090413569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpmejoji,2019/03/24,"Can I Die from 2000 mg of Zoloft? So I'm at another point where I just want it over. I've tried thirty plus times in various ways, but I need out. If I take 2000mg of Zoloft with vodka, first time taking that medication, will it kill me? ",1.845588235294116,2.9769139019607853,3.4962254901960783,92.70551470588238,76.64705882352942,7.452941176470588,18.63235294117647,8.07648339933343,0.27268235294117593,183,3,45,3,4,61,41,51,0.182,0.7959999999999999,0.022,-0.8809,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,7,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,9,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30731087679818603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30416180412969746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24928635110857586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242400403174878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29523856490748823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173087016968319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27704716646685723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407063826286042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34178453642016904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897621733355325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728610827376076,0.2326264060930016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,long-armed-mako,2019/03/24,"Meaningless life, infantilism, inferiority etc Hello, I am 16 years old guy who just trying to live his life.

 I have inferiority complex i can't simply watch on people who is better than me, i think i have low intellegence, even more, i can't underestand maths and physics and what makes angry.

I have a lot of conflicts with my parents especialy mother, she always yells at me, telling how lazy and irresposible i am, and the problem is what she is right, i don't do anything to make my life better, i don't have any qualities to live on my one and move abroad, i think what i am a mistake which shoudn't be here. At the worst moments, i thinking how poitless is to struggle for something, i will die, sooner or later, by my own hand, or as helpless old man from the one of many several desises.

But this is not the end, the main problems is what i don't have streanth or will power to make my life better, or to make something what i call ""final choice""(yes, commit suicide) i visited a lot sites and forums about suicide methods, i would gladly try to stab my chest, hang myself or jump under the train, but every time i was close to make my final FREE, INDEPENDENT, choice i was paralized by fear.

​

Summary: a guy who dont have interest for living at all, nor girls nor games, music, books can catch my attention. I dont have any hope left.",6.964035850081482,6.344823342205326,7.529584464964696,74.53860266159698,64.62737642585552,10.099837045084193,33.99483976099945,9.424239791934726,2.965363063552417,1061,40,203,17,14,352,150,263,0.16,0.777,0.064,-0.9603,2,0,3,0,0,4,44.0,0,0,0,4,6,17,0,2,10,0,31,6,2,8,2,40,40,18,3,5,9,2,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,10,8,0,1,5,2,1,5,10,10,0,2,2,3,35,8,25,34,8,25,0,4,1,0,17,11,0,8,9,142,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407359014331788,0.1094770790489898,0.1227749748064626,0.13742168267541002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314752445253183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680856959668911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031734020172024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486383725222444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368368634561597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894916796566906,0.0,0.11268659822657565,0.06673613852422611,0.0,0.08513077653321532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369838290032602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213693311386895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000914850374136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035577613000618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978053768173668,0.0,0.28547089384878555,0.0,0.0,0.2676612010776583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180163093500314,0.0,0.0,0.33722578932598435,0.10243896432599224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073898055734439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204951127213165,0.0,0.13693498967805778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219325096347693,0.0,0.0,0.07004859384290246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933637652804238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628782961321126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414673336752795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557145642197814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562921751331857,0.0,0.22104328898219566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831364040927761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422755555060087,0.0,0.0,0.05891738790977302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719940760629998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177610142435965,0.0,0.1227749748064626,0.0650666144393771
suicidewatch,veryverysadcat,2019/03/24,"how do you know i’m not entirely sure if this is the right place to ask this but oh well. it’s such a dumb question but how do you know if you’re suicidal? my main point is can you only be classified as suicidal if you’ve attempted it? recently i’ve been feeling worse and i think about suicide every single day and about how i can do it because i don’t want to live anymore, but i’ve never actually tried it. if i’m not suicidal then what am i? ",0.4634020618556676,2.425535185567014,3.1558865979381467,89.7132113402062,83.74226804123711,7.178969072164946,23.1020618556701,8.238735603445708,1.3840564948453604,351,13,80,8,10,123,60,97,0.306,0.643,0.05,-0.989,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,3,0,1,7,3,1,0,2,0,11,0,0,3,2,22,19,14,4,5,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,1,8,2,5,17,2,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,5,4,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.1631722496719123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582678973883322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631821309629196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192929545857572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783622714933196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408811273124399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454609439793911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837878216243763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764895956246613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289621938700868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717027995091035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469822949458952,0.0,0.15806692551246151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731279052362765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509910567259092,0.0,0.0,0.1427959100609158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7315997575685448,0.0,0.15759287632913335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714102895730088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135242035683358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862443365706663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503413275119513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040065901797052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saxysmoker,2019/03/24,"4 months sober and I want to die I’ve been clean and sober for four months now, and honestly everything in my life is going pretty great. I have a pretty nice living situation, a good job where they appreciate me and are giving me opportunities to move up in the company, and I just got a couple charges dropped that I picked up during my last relapse. By all logic I should be happy and content with where my life is right now, but I’ve never wanted to cease existing this much in my life",7.017755102040818,5.969050979591838,7.586653061224491,75.5797755102041,64.71428571428572,10.697142857142858,30.82448979591837,9.888512548439397,2.6374261224489794,388,11,78,7,5,129,67,98,0.04,0.728,0.232,0.9231,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,7,3,0,1,2,16,12,7,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,12,6,11,8,2,17,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,6,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176514117149928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986286137447782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200553618382355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835950399402767,0.10876916283768427,0.16052562723163974,0.15306899225252174,0.2110039124236384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373412166180424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992122826469235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600526094816486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055451054109518,0.0,0.0,0.1689974819296434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552520726065024,0.20341319534272467,0.14069084568742754,0.0,0.14760880193636994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894170500302594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344273133829273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151260578864748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22576902667207724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxJAYWYLDxx,2019/03/24,Hell? Hate to say it. But I feel like the only thing that's kept me from offing myself is the fear of going to Hell...,-0.9739743589743596,0.9124613461538472,1.405384615384616,100.42294871794874,89.38461538461539,3.466666666666667,8.666666666666666,3.1291,-2.1928564102564105,89,0,22,0,3,30,23,26,0.338,0.588,0.07400000000000001,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924782092446701,0.221289118108164,0.3126574285750161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487267247403431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43208901835804997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381380731102825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33285273909224183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34803704760926324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907553816709726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway992605,2019/03/24,"I’m seriously thinking about suicide but I don’t know if I should call my mom beforehand I love my mom so much but I feel awful all the time. I either feel angry or I feel sad. I’m doing horrible in my classes right now. I don’t think I can be the person I need to be for my mom or my friends. I don’t want to be a disappointment to them. I want to just run away and end it all, but I would honestly like to hear my mom’s voice before I go. I just don’t want to hurt her though. I’m sorry for being incoherent, I’m in the middle of a mental breakdown.",-0.1699866666666665,1.3973493280000011,3.0101000000000013,92.03488333333335,83.72,6.086666666666666,19.216666666666672,7.1686216300943375,0.1900266666666668,426,11,105,6,12,154,70,125,0.232,0.611,0.157,-0.9081,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,0,5,1,12,1,0,0,2,24,29,9,1,7,9,4,3,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,5,22,4,13,23,4,10,0,3,0,1,11,5,0,3,4,69,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005161893339654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684346672866514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221218852779905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202748139779666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611546202581015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516736806487585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471716212052077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680072620741752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595773301971192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819223101458172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282570458194176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453712120963476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022261454652766,0.0,0.0,0.6983332261599091,0.0,0.0,0.10958003970998227,0.11052992275564527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015794259968586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730082687930394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686623555128713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305308401943033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910298631542806,0.14645575677748784,0.0,0.08692108993936817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637674695940193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589160838152326,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoOneOfAccount,2019/03/24,"Losing it Came very close last night.  Texted a hotline and  held off for a bit. But right back in the same place now.  I feel very out of control....Didn’t sleep at all. 

Why am I even trying to fight? There should be euthanasia available if you want to die consistently over a long period of time. Time to embrace the inevitable. Working on a foolproof plan. Not going to fail this time.  Will buy a gun tomorrow.

The crazy thing is I don’t even necessarily want to die—what I want is not to be me.  I want to destroy myself and if it is violent and painful so much the better. It is what I deserve. If only I could just trade places with one of the innocents that died in the mass shootings we read about every day. Let someone worthy survive instead.",1.7804054054054037,4.202145351351351,2.926959459459457,90.5530067567568,81.97297297297297,5.591891891891892,22.763513513513516,6.9077264865688965,0.7102486486486494,584,20,119,7,16,187,104,148,0.171,0.7,0.13,-0.893,0,0,0,2,1,2,19.0,1,1,0,6,9,7,3,0,11,0,12,2,1,0,1,25,20,8,2,9,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,1,2,2,3,6,0,1,2,1,11,1,20,12,4,25,0,2,0,0,3,12,0,3,11,82,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138202306247276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281095653656733,0.15814054996977675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567176616616858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246350863995826,0.1156523029496793,0.0,0.0,0.09341736902534403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509996144350972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134637533763502,0.0,0.1220438122397182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324137637981873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232256433650162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807347593916127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812068646118515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818920425199434,0.0,0.16205201074441666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064826729699473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593351637734552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815526681350142,0.11016625196631888,0.15413243118619205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026784115911349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489090793465806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237025680340027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495631917692925,0.0,0.12273238297839795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623303904628787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339258916225704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834480209851444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903566005465696,0.3417491637981451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070613713496446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545376933118863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Just_A_Throwaway553,2019/03/24,"I'm just a fucking burden. I have a shitty fucking job, I still live with my parents, I cant afford my own place or car, and all I fucking do is cause fights. I just want to stop being such a fucking waste of space, if I die I'll just relieve everyone. I'm just scared of fucking it up and being even more of a fucking waste ",2.320845070422536,2.9021002394366207,4.240957746478873,89.9487605633803,74.77464788732394,6.243380281690143,26.876056338028175,5.6839178017228535,0.7906484507042251,251,9,57,1,5,86,45,71,0.329,0.621,0.05,-0.9688,3,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,7,1,4,0,6,6,0,1,1,13,15,4,1,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,0,0,8,1,6,13,3,6,0,0,0,6,2,3,6,2,2,39,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038294861636082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203266359335913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311881165483824,0.0,0.0,0.1491837253308276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.866007942404921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549295537459264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786086315245494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733578683286716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311695511230806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630793923378924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246812900663214,0.130527138423828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208632144903778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dtcardillo99,2019/03/24,"I wish my mental illness was worse I still want to die. I have clinical depression and OCD. Sometimes I wish I could cut up my entire body as punishment. I always have obsessions of me killing or hurting myself. I want to be miserable enough to justify my suicide. I'm just really tired of being a failure, and no matter how hard I try to be nice to myself, I'm constantly loathing my existence. I am going to graduate my college age IOP this week or next week.. I'd rather kill myself than get better. ",3.5975,5.3277086868686885,5.327159090909087,78.91073863636366,73.24242424242425,8.990404040404039,29.546717171717173,9.516144504307137,2.9646050505050496,396,17,73,10,8,135,68,99,0.412,0.474,0.113,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,4,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,4,2,1,0,8,4,1,1,0,13,16,6,4,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,1,18,2,11,11,1,8,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,49,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146440510105449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556517570001979,0.0,0.1954888627295819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018621632156527,0.0,0.14051631588830768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515827568881801,0.0,0.18265324214956274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181848107459872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194922658890724,0.0,0.10002103857868293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765541309508005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884044495874712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894209844536603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773598353492213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871708532260546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274580374890915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406185716800804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054846326020054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192508086896011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227838931852365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948788675363145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761079645651065,0.0,0.2823423919770863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047671801690953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935219105260894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luna997,2019/03/24,"I want to die, but I'm scared I know I have so so much to live for. Like I have exciting things to look forward to, but it all just seems so small when I think about what's going inside my head. How my body feels, how I feel sick, how depressed I am. 

I'm tired of feeling unimportant to those I feel are most important to me. I feel like all my friends hate me. Like everyone is appreciated by everyone else, and I'm just dirt on someone's driveway, that everyone just walks all over. 
Everything I try to achieve, I end up falling every time, and I'm sick of feeling like I can't do anything right. 

I'm still in love with my ex, and there's nothing I can do about it because he doesn't want me anymore. Every time I think of him, I think of happier times, and wish I could be that happy again. It's that kinda happy that you feel invisible. I want that back, but I'm lonely instead, it's the loneliest I've ever been. This is sending me nuts, but I don't know how to fix it. 

Thing is, I thought I was smarter than this. I've been depressed so much in my life, and I've always been able to pull myself out of it, but for some reason things have been so dark as of late, I just cannot. Its too hard and too draining. I just can't be fucked anymore. 

I cannot wait to die. I'm suicidal and I have been for a while. I just want the ending credits to roll already. I'm sick of putting up with everything in life, like nothing seems like such a big deal, but to me it's an ocean full of problems and it never ends. ",2.2847222222222205,3.1858978425925915,3.7330246913580254,92.34361111111113,75.2037037037037,6.881481481481483,25.228395061728396,7.1686216300943375,0.8243913580246911,1167,38,277,12,24,386,151,324,0.18600000000000005,0.602,0.212,0.6378,0,2,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,1,0,1,27,19,2,1,5,0,27,10,2,5,5,59,61,26,3,7,12,1,8,6,1,0,6,0,1,0,21,11,0,1,16,0,1,7,7,7,0,0,7,9,38,12,38,51,8,33,0,3,1,2,8,13,1,5,21,178,59,2,0.09218122703308307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172427626242647,0.0,0.07670216537565869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828380147644248,0.0,0.0,0.07585729549865794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088167358087208,0.0,0.05619282040415147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239256246366964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359920893120565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950347974070126,0.15879111153823866,0.0,0.1913391202429947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700558674944072,0.0,0.2449356189406829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338319732626857,0.15533331903818798,0.2642493383094304,0.16569308595500687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262671868672553,0.13170857402222927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121898734033957,0.0852200590035821,0.0,0.0,0.052388715640111716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962572605593372,0.08257627318341784,0.09100987735679084,0.09460453322058614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132078326005838,0.0,0.10398443922494977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022065355244591,0.27021054764840663,0.0,0.08139771230858084,0.0,0.07740901427251101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319715639274854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355276167544769,0.0,0.07109584508030123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690074695936905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820498492401962,0.0,0.09266759379399712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947776541516918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872226421658551,0.0,0.0,0.092289489405192,0.0,0.0,0.1678366540123106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810485452574298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736160469839654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083130075562392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837233336356728,0.17719802450396707,0.0,0.07318159752128955,0.1612548443543452,0.10594876006822897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258500222080278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748350414940215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600386180577008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CrazyFunkyKewl,2019/03/24,"“You are selfish” I truly don’t understand this sentiment, one of the main reasons I want to kill myself is because I feel as though I am a burden to the people around me. I am severely mentally ill and am constantly hurting people or needing help from them. I hate other people being in pain because of me. I understand my suicide would be extremely upsetting for my loved ones for a while, but the long term lack of toxicity in their lives will be far more beneficial to them as opposed to me staying alive just to perpetuate the idea that all life is sacred and important. ",9.223545454545457,7.389334263636368,9.724545454545463,64.52681818181819,60.90909090909091,13.163636363636366,41.09090909090909,11.979248473330829,5.012218181818182,459,21,80,12,5,156,78,110,0.201,0.66,0.139,-0.6915,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,3,0,3,8,2,1,6,0,12,4,0,1,1,17,19,8,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,0,1,17,1,16,14,5,9,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,4,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905292756332207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178294316989057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307727567268734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903402089272248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639824555017558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975779160407735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126842394012306,0.2016950936932936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767032601605794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261989109764178,0.0,0.0,0.15776764083245098,0.15811608228502444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612553807199407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800559182747729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248049768461076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421409249671766,0.0,0.1901159798474032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37159891739098094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837010706450783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018446539089623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043694734792424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543444147391756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554098530903856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720006124523044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538336519688846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692104209664432,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ejducharme,2019/03/24,"I think it's time I've been suicidal for a long time. Never acted on it because of my family (didn't want to hurt them), religion (what if they are right and I spend eternity in an even more horrible place), didn't want to mess it up and be a vegetable, etc.

I think it's time though. I'm starting to get things in order. Getting copies of my life insurance(thankfully they pay out on suicide), bank information, house and car deeds turned over. I think I need to start cleaning out my personal effects so my family has less to deal with. Tomorrow I will be getting my will signed and notarized. 

I am so miserable. The last lesson that I thought would always be there broke up with me a couple of days ago. My family doesn't understand. I have one friend and he knows how I feel. He doesn't say not to do it, I think he accepts that if that's how I feel and think it's best, then I should do it. It's just hard to keep going and doing the day to day things when I'm so broken inside. I hate crying and then everyone and what's wrong, but I can't stop crying. Or being super angry, and that just annoys people more. 

I will be trying to get to a therapist tomorrow, but the last time I tried they wouldn't even call me back. So I've been stock piling insulin, and once my paperwork is in order, I'll be doing that. Slip quietly into a come and let this world pass.

",2.4547964847363524,3.950168244680853,4.046349059512797,87.89021739130438,75.77304964539006,7.5993832870798625,21.835337650323773,8.321376580360154,1.0419322849213692,1063,27,231,19,23,355,151,282,0.13,0.809,0.061,-0.9434,0,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,4,4,14,11,2,1,9,0,29,3,0,3,1,52,55,27,2,8,8,0,3,0,1,6,2,2,1,1,18,18,1,2,14,0,3,5,8,7,0,1,5,5,30,4,27,37,5,43,0,3,0,0,13,14,0,3,22,154,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497466559651764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915048964565894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082385365206963,0.0,0.06531259488001981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243861954925673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940366995821768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229310031224808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855026954257415,0.23538028540986305,0.20729262727190426,0.11045840336731713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949133361948285,0.14153218427697056,0.0,0.0,0.10237849993521037,0.0,0.0,0.30301101999505736,0.0,0.10834814048812162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827774230670438,0.0,0.22390849545765695,0.0,0.06089110559459277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597793167064388,0.1057802617333161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236271537409,0.11469742163592025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952324789661052,0.0,0.0,0.0588822844484025,0.1746695951293202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955966244181348,0.07567736171019784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481704603234804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944422392597973,0.08263429552006096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410242951964912,0.07260199878827453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427857463252369,0.09355201270242566,0.11194028799967423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149843901474423,0.0,0.08520339195126543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167091436162855,0.0,0.0,0.0895752710493929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439129234349534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864169603146587,0.0,0.124399788813334,0.1423603890253912,0.3432604232097595,0.10526619078891293,0.0850585536942995,0.2499007820099358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548438274546707,0.11653941916912088,0.0,0.11153830364759962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638991865362575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761104001379049,0.1171426457301788,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,emichans,2019/03/24,"Is this my fate? Long story short,  I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times in my teens. 2 of those attempts left me with permanent damage and scars. I’m 21 now. I have PTSD from sexual abuse/ assault. I’m a super happy gal, you’d never guess, until you saw my arms. I thought I had gotten over suicidal thoughts once I turned 20, because I hadn’t been admitted to psych wards for years. My life is super great now, my dream of studying in Japan has come true. I should be happy. I’ve gotten away from the city where I was abused. But, now that I’ve somewhat achieved happiness, which is more than I had ever imagined I’d have, I want to die. I’ve always thought I’d die young. I don’t know. Does anyone else feel this way? 
Thank you for reading. I don’t have any active plans. I’m just venting. 
Peace and love to anyone suffering.",0.8308606811145509,3.0974667176470585,2.1982972136222934,95.23812693498456,84.76470588235293,4.990712074303406,18.94736842105263,6.339386263674448,-0.09200000000000008,642,17,140,6,19,206,112,170,0.156,0.621,0.223,0.8745,0,0,0,0,2,2,27.0,0,3,0,5,6,13,2,0,2,0,17,3,1,0,3,20,35,4,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,4,0,0,11,2,21,9,17,21,2,19,0,2,1,1,5,7,0,2,10,73,26,3,0.0,0.3310484386621143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624339123391322,0.0,0.0,0.09500226168544318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536600173599847,0.14314137561425136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125478120361952,0.0,0.0,0.08516114212402319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203410436715404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899775789096253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225430460461376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670323130868206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636860487133006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063761138209855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402212831149514,0.15389768311732366,0.0,0.0,0.4461466519875124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455974517551915,0.0,0.07677665546299674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178680926856708,0.0,0.0986757694746688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363201841504283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608665678140615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077469207590043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877824460763842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633043530234223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973996876317474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281149215221493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286189824569379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332723738506984,0.08146145491825782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948485986399133,0.15195583726453232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823999555160676,0.11088907468561016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996361289733561
suicidewatch,throwawaaysyshy,2019/03/24,Where can I go? I’m in Australia. I want to become an in patient. I don’t trust myself not to kill myself. I keep telling therapists about my suicidal thoughts but they don’t admit me and I thought they would (only one therapist actually). I never wanted to before but I really think I’m going to do something and very very soon. I need to get somewhere ASAP. ,0.6829166666666708,3.2009325694444466,3.1152222222222257,85.55200000000005,91.36111111111113,5.6577777777777785,22.477777777777767,7.1686216300943375,1.2470344444444441,283,11,53,5,10,97,49,72,0.042,0.838,0.12,0.48,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,15,18,4,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,0,14,1,8,15,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.19689456483224074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228347560828882,0.17168805225571973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054144362875179,0.0,0.2293365978118173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933894050703084,0.2232242460191895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960697340829926,0.1556144203007373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367219007920192,0.15345217695333918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925650151589407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532936673820705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206993165006096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635242549777758,0.0,0.0,0.4685318825528443,0.0,0.12928354125559094,0.0,0.3203594207817551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33295625248356264,0.2380136939434128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332881670712513,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlumberDogg,2019/03/24,"I need help. I’m not trying to be edgy or seeking attention, I just need help. I have medicine and I do talk to a therapist, but I still have suicidal thoughts. Today, I almost commit and I just can’t control myself. That is what lead to other attempts was that I can’t control myself. I’m not going to go deep into why I’m depressed, but I just want to start over. I want to have a new life and end this one. Something is keeping me back, deep down I know that’s not the answer.
How do I help myself?",-0.5733377837116151,1.5943400841121544,1.837443257676906,95.50179906542057,92.0841121495327,4.178638184245661,18.85781041388518,5.773587663045528,-0.22823578104138864,387,12,86,3,14,131,62,107,0.105,0.773,0.122,-0.4921,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,4,1,28,24,7,1,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,4,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,2,0,16,0,9,21,0,14,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,6,61,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996161514556795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587102091016593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255393682814679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339217446040666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802184536165027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562683408924813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814647046446989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861804151373208,0.0,0.0,0.10425661067877767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339938711775166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813269084960991,0.0,0.18321775075646646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854865250350495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604376235811375,0.0,0.0,0.13427379404539685,0.0,0.15149822777067753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750589027982547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247726004043444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202615009307064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506041520039408,0.0,0.0,0.1798176476632407,0.0,0.0,0.12879687663126962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378521258529294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711787695973829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mittens12,2019/03/24,"I tried my best. I did everything I could to get myself out of the hole of darkness. I eliminated the toxic love in my life. I consolidated my debt. I've been taking my meds like I'm supposed to. 

I had been feeling okay for a little while. It felt like it was all going to fall into place for me. I don't know how much more generous, kind, accepting and loyal to those I love I could be. 

It doesn't seem to matter. No matter what I wake up and just don't feel like I'm really here. I want to shut my eyes and never open them. ",0.4847129186602857,2.233227359649124,3.1500637958532707,90.93696172248804,82.42105263157895,6.250717703349283,17.38118022328549,7.348242739294969,0.061396491228070886,405,8,95,6,11,142,75,114,0.071,0.623,0.306,0.9841,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,0,0,3,1,11,5,2,1,2,21,24,5,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,6,4,19,10,14,15,4,12,0,0,1,2,3,8,0,1,5,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435336930081404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413786379819236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213548904857589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619146938511768,0.15272750299625212,0.20526639520299692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169344121348523,0.0,0.12149850963452925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262338682387145,0.11749022676626547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100213029600054,0.3133325414230497,0.21426797052653365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858972446276309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374660952266432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15715601393156695,0.0,0.16488358443073212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335902800930832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369556577065885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462114193279334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073914188650054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451454650565857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609548307009694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thenitakethehamster,2019/03/24,I just really need someone right now I ve not been to this sub before and have no idea if it is the right place or not. I just would really appreciate somebody to quickly talk to and take my mind off of this acute pressure building in my mind to kill myself. Just quickly. Please no active suicide advice in any form or pull yourself together ffs messages. Just tell me it's the wrong sub instead I ll go somewhere else then. Thanks! ,3.703075630252101,5.558699341176472,4.2774789915966425,86.02294117647061,73.23529411764707,6.739495798319329,27.43697478991597,7.447530270364453,1.5104621848739503,344,13,66,4,7,109,62,85,0.223,0.6709999999999999,0.106,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,16,8,6,2,3,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,8,1,8,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,4,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123104531360986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003851009479965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523007187034864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720269217361251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703396942616072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246832451834504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782948585663065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158583662013097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269344813577873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151515581033049,0.2260477644126885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638462694725501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351723799711856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448263514217052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22525246564354484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548326796247858,0.16551760883685648,0.1799906737159479,0.18959138817995744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462857695844403,0.2251505976942348,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reaching_Reality,2019/03/24,"If I commit suicide, will my student loan debt be transferred over to my family? Just want to know before I do anything. I don't want to place any more unnecessary financial burden on them. ",4.325833333333335,6.396297694444449,5.478888888888887,77.155,72.05555555555556,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.5439000000000003,151,6,26,3,3,50,29,36,0.248,0.635,0.117,-0.8107,1,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,18,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26205441645122673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317114091103634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279084745874911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632781238922512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117808701339092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026136522672666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215155059737469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545843830511413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cioransconceit,2019/03/24,Pills? What type and how much for guaranteed lethality and little pain?,4.335000000000001,7.687262500000003,3.4666666666666686,80.89500000000002,90.66666666666666,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.0623666666666667,58,2,9,2,2,17,11,12,0.234,0.7659999999999999,0.0,-0.5215,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6125528119664991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492802074648231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6503278770991601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charx0o,2019/03/24,"I have to kill my self. I just don’t know how. So I really want to die. I’m just overwhelmed by all of the options but also the lack thereof I can’t shoot myself as I have no access to a gun. I can’t hang myself because I’m convinced any rope would snap with my weight and any ceiling would collapse, too. I also can’t jump in front of a train or car because I couldn’t put that trauma onto someone else and I also can’t overdoes because I have no access to drugs. I just feel like I have no way out. I seriously need to kill my self but I just... don’t know how. Please don’t try to talk me out of it, you won’t be able to. Just give me ideas on how to do what I need to do. ",0.3358041958041973,1.4792491038961053,2.7455844155844176,96.47738761238762,80.6883116883117,5.257942057942058,19.63836163836164,5.369823440869387,-0.43523216783216734,518,12,132,2,13,179,81,154,0.246,0.6779999999999999,0.076,-0.9823,0,0,1,2,0,2,15.0,0,1,0,0,13,7,2,1,4,0,18,2,0,3,1,29,27,13,3,7,8,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,4,0,0,5,12,5,0,0,0,2,23,2,20,22,2,11,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,1,91,26,0,0.15839972804999491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800166158800064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543449366423725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896770120184665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643939096240188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836933959526372,0.0,0.13232264737660804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009166188137877,0.11316079736867855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151951452685167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881401248728024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504916604302647,0.0,0.17410469605102788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738610604591392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23490278254680985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387533485329748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159235476988699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147492184567226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304909241063949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421157555021448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731570133152836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075430177147201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342826359932717,0.12573033122563373,0.0,0.1928881956297047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504524419299352,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,allie2810,2019/03/24,"Need an escape I can’t stand this life anymore. I don’t hate life, I just hate the one I was given. Being at home makes me want to tear my hair out (which is already falling out - at 17) but I don’t want to leave either because I feel like people are always judging me outside, they can see how ugly and disgusting I am. I’m being forced to recover from a nearly lifelong eating disorder and it’s so painful, being forced to eat six times a day by your parents, when you want nothing more than a meal a day. It’s humiliating. I have no autonomy. This life isn’t mine. I’d rather starve myself to death, but now I don’t even have that liberty. Everything’s been taken away from me. I can’t even go to the bathroom without my parents watching me. They have to come to school everyday and watch me eat my meals. I have to hear everyone talk about dieting and exercise while I have to put on weight. I want to run away, but I don’t know where to go. I want to kill myself, but I’m scared I’ll fail and ruin my already miserable life even more. I want to be a kid again, back when I had hopes and dreams and used to love and laugh. I feel so fucking empty. I have no love or compassion for anyone. I live inside my own head and I feel myself dissociating more from reality everyday. It’s too much. ",2.333004393376143,3.8124660669144994,4.137000675904023,87.18045201081448,76.0631970260223,7.270091247042919,24.12318350794187,8.00094639256281,1.2010356877323414,1008,32,219,16,22,341,148,269,0.248,0.608,0.14400000000000002,-0.9898,2,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,0,2,2,1,16,15,5,2,8,0,24,18,2,3,0,36,52,20,2,9,9,2,5,1,0,0,6,1,1,1,7,12,7,0,4,2,0,6,10,10,0,2,5,9,39,5,31,43,6,27,0,3,3,3,11,9,1,2,12,149,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350060256858321,0.0,0.08859965245625931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559926492675847,0.07445309222245287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008239392228486,0.08187632792406485,0.0,0.06490904570895971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172284576649023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373412141352901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203497789727374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268659921658913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109865417703644,0.0,0.0,0.10174593038474117,0.09569710162757344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615180291720973,0.07606912938329026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984387803530696,0.0,0.0,0.12102975126219072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102533472010002,0.10927890657426682,0.0,0.12001037706003201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680783556540374,0.10575838229269913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780402791865455,0.0,0.05851846645704985,0.0,0.0,0.11274664330047175,0.0,0.0,0.3008390855947091,0.05202061005364572,0.0,0.09402353878738734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922041993376584,0.0,0.07107603632160253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827484194130965,0.07895335917363393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217015792898776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215341032716474,0.0,0.11330192370860186,0.0,0.2364662440692021,0.0,0.0,0.0738196270547166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704152306385196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660476984735212,0.1077631558521672,0.08485054655817409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558436121264902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208917786831768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919642856519948,0.0,0.0,0.3768269667792476,0.0,0.0,0.1296636065762352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026426451334116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RandomHum,2019/03/24,"2,000+ miles away from family and wanting to end it all. Title is pretty self explanatory. I told my dad for the first time ever about my depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. He took it more seriously than I thought he would.

I’ve been depressed since I was 11 going on 12, shortly after my brother (17) passed away. I went into a shell and never came out.

Years of self-harm and 3 suicide attempts and I finally had the courage to tell someone, simply because I don’t know what else to do. Do you ever feel like you want to die but don’t follow through with it because you’re scared of hurting the people around you? That’s been me the past few years. 

I’ve been across the country for nearly 6 months now and it’s taking a toll on my mental stability. I miss my family and friends but my car is broken so I have no way of getting home yet, or continuing to work until it’s fixed. I’m isolated here. Life’s great, right?",2.3882415519399283,4.355086797872346,3.9123028785982505,86.71029411764708,77.29787234042553,6.763954943679599,24.888610763454317,7.724431198458867,1.3082906132665837,730,26,149,11,17,242,128,188,0.179,0.735,0.086,-0.9466,0,1,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,3,0,3,8,10,0,1,7,0,13,1,0,0,4,26,29,12,3,3,3,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,7,12,0,0,4,0,0,7,4,6,0,1,11,1,18,4,26,17,3,36,0,4,0,0,11,12,0,1,17,93,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114290987800108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769798102888815,0.0,0.0,0.2484377339957365,0.0,0.0,0.16119215604770476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121693858922905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22775046212282,0.0,0.13721666356312998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044735311901052,0.0,0.11710185342174315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918922841928494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24927810482772775,0.0,0.06685108133095599,0.0944532987662752,0.0,0.144833346890557,0.0,0.11246067358398452,0.0,0.0,0.10214776583874227,0.0,0.06907605877265999,0.0,0.07513993750326009,0.0,0.0,0.14576577017620002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262084744530195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153720825646238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266104187628747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338625360451387,0.06459280214241846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324003762713654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055314961534396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019711457095745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262126764661992,0.0916601431558618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450858698638382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290954437562825,0.0,0.0,0.13236870538594336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758548783680086,0.0,0.0,0.10936831318602774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120240077668954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924006036708577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940804304521957,0.0,0.11556036286301387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099253855320017,0.07709471259752375,0.0,0.0,0.12633559551417226,0.14689398231536874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596580971784668,0.10494486443522133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256317154838267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625294961220407,0.0,0.0,0.09392062525168116,0.0,0.0,0.1702822245812965
suicidewatch,iamtiredbye,2019/03/24,I want to kill myself. Everyday i wake up and nothing changes. Nothing helps. Nothing. I've tried everything. Nothing helps. I should kill myself. I want to die. I really want to die. I hate this life. I hate everyone. I'm a fucking hater. I just want to die. I don't want to go to fucking work anymore. I don't want to deal with fucking idiots at work anymore. I've had enough. I've had enough. I've had enough.,-1.5033594771241852,-0.1379601529411758,0.8281372549019608,97.53606209150328,115.23529411764706,3.77124183006536,20.016339869281047,5.82211442006289,0.1543202614379089,317,13,69,4,18,105,38,85,0.336,0.542,0.123,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,5,18.0,0,0,0,2,1,9,9,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,0,10,19,1,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,3,0,12,0,10,15,3,4,0,0,0,3,3,2,3,0,1,35,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267852991617529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095452558302405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787753760340787,0.0,0.0,0.3559946191843352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35442539646550786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925493315127906,0.10275969172974103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171111314123177,0.0,0.0,0.06498096451359223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577036060719866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327680675986965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25299628489385223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076036570124846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388418773066224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324790040748218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762804945115474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046373639651759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647896473983215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CC-357-325,2019/03/24,"I don't have much to be here for. I never had a good life growing up. Back in 2015, my life changed when I met a girl named Jordan. We talked for a few months and got together. We really had a lot in common, and I thought it was a good relationship until about 6 months in... she cheated on me. She apologized, and I forgave her. About 12 months in, she cheated again. I was broken, but so in love with her I forgave her again. About a year and 8 months into the relationship, she cheated on me during her band camp. I forgave her. 2 years and 3 months in, she cheated again. I forgave her. 3 years in, she cheated. I broke up with her. She cheated 5 times. I forgave her 4 times. I was so in love with her. She completely destroyed me. Burned all of the stuff I made her, all of my clothes she took from me over the relationship, and a really special gift I made her. I am completely devastated to this day. I don't trust anyone anymore, every relationship since her I've just been used and cheated on. I've lost count of how many I've been in. I'm tired of getting fucked over. If this is how life is going to be, I don't want to live anymore. I realize now that I'll never find love. I'm unattractive, short, and always last picked. No girl wants me. All of my friends have great relationships and they constantly pick on me for not being able to have one. They never have time for me anymore, I'm just going to be alone forever. I don't want to hear the ""you'll find the right one eventually"" because I won't. I'm just done. I want to kill myself, but I don't want to hurt my parents like that. I love my mom and my dad who adopted me. I'm just tired and defeated. 
Sorry for the longer post, if you read to the end, thank you. ",0.6945921052631583,2.7825441638888933,2.5597368421052638,93.5842105263158,83.75,5.678362573099415,21.140350877192983,6.950104931194217,0.3836666666666666,1329,42,303,17,38,441,158,360,0.22,0.615,0.165,-0.9591,1,1,0,0,0,2,58.0,2,3,2,2,18,26,10,0,14,0,26,10,0,7,6,50,54,21,1,7,9,3,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,2,7,17,0,0,4,2,0,4,11,14,0,2,15,1,66,12,46,33,6,51,0,4,0,5,50,20,1,3,27,201,73,1,0.08148631555706927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439524793016395,0.0,0.0,0.06780314227611985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424375870193444,0.05697712648871014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265794681330511,0.0,0.04967330163495287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862017171595202,0.0,0.17087370303911226,0.08805775857324176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255193233961857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338879225936233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721726891637183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865573533280271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489540323401696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295612526384628,0.0753327856795149,0.04257323665492257,0.0,0.09262110196792278,0.13669371079442807,0.06517205046758012,0.0898389505736337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184099987784182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872327861439075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015253496182576,0.0,0.0,0.06642222301267098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266858354381845,0.039810097748399324,0.0,0.07195390953539925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895193928665605,0.0692767515084003,0.29417832491369506,0.15420864407356574,0.0,0.08261433419190863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954357879335734,0.3252079982642751,0.0,0.05990181787008204,0.0,0.1885418100888619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043447260778468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048091017083383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804136540557974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150836691132142,0.0,0.1044044406444378,0.0,0.0,0.4374290375300091,0.0,0.06958886825207322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674063222851582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912172588832239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328233588265447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549561379799879,0.0,0.07502165133318389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469103244253907,0.1425459776907548,0.1873130652231713,0.0,0.0,0.09053429485428913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037801358715615,0.0,0.0,0.2403137007659802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742354675486026
suicidewatch,snowflakess_,2019/03/24,It hurts so much please make it stop Please please please make it stop i just want to end this suffering ,2.66,4.900763809523814,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,77.57142857142857,6.104761904761905,15.261904761904766,7.1686216300943375,-0.6946380952380955,84,1,20,1,2,23,14,21,0.332,0.329,0.339,-0.1998,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714855556971775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726902350787135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584792333760261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232941357388254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8501251767034722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237418713699511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419923241052254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_sadness96,2019/03/24,"The question is how long i'm gonna keep going So i reached 22 now and i don't have a reason to get up in the morning anymore.
I finished an apprenticeship for a job i'm never gonna work on again, now going from volunteering to internship to part time job just to keep myself busy.
I'm unable to build up connections with anyone except for work related questions, meaning i have zero friends and i can't even hold a conversation with colleagues during lunch break which is really awkward. This also means my chances of getting into a relationship are close to 0% 
I even went to a psychotherapist to try to get my social incompetence under control, but if practice is his only suggestion i don't know if this is ever gonna change.
Especially since my porn addiction drains me of my last drop of self esteem.
If i keep going like this i'm going to kill myself sooner or later because there is just nothing exciting in life anymore, the only question is how long i can keep going, distracting myself by volunteering and doing internships.

I know my grammar is horrible but at least i can share my worries with someone this way, since that's how they say you're supposed to deal with them.",6.3701434809731765,6.8854664541484745,7.175311915159078,72.75302401746727,65.68122270742359,9.686961946350593,33.38771054273238,9.606745405546679,3.2193466001247657,954,39,166,18,14,318,136,229,0.121,0.831,0.048,-0.962,3,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,3,14,7,1,2,9,0,16,4,0,5,2,37,40,14,1,3,9,0,0,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,6,9,1,6,8,0,0,6,4,3,0,1,1,1,24,4,31,36,2,29,0,0,0,1,15,9,0,7,12,113,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993426194197157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798018310198708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821368032001906,0.0769261191180431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670650584548876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638290610719125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339289863238788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342221653068744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145329767240448,0.0995162542584976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499850184997841,0.0,0.17243729594574114,0.0,0.3126246601888848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183488698446956,0.3911510042066644,0.12171699540939684,0.0,0.1209244206494536,0.08967815954303007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770793207848352,0.053748521735316364,0.0,0.0,0.1947223424933767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396805176182053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485153391335698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556383226732356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734506444417244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191371861151392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697310922036292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047940930346927,0.1131153209642194,0.0,0.1181165857965548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748956418380452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147712394723554,0.0,0.0,0.18201362887069208,0.0,0.0,0.11214800248182824,0.09321665288742936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415152614976527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469400542898037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873260044465866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198642993367596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018669519594736,0.11172713138137527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiserableSuggestion9,2019/03/24,"there is no way out. its all over I don’t have hope. Years and years of repeating the same mistakes and having no answer - time and time again - has made me completely miserable. I live my life because I believe that I can change - that the future will always bring something different, that I will find happiness that I’ve never known. If that is not true, I don’t want to live.

My mum just told me that I have everything, and that I am a fool for thinking that I have nothing. Am I? I don’t have any particular ability or passion or anything that stands out in my life. The one passion that I have in my life - singing - I am utterly terrible at it, after years of practice. All I can do is enviously watch people with talent sing beautifully and express their trapped emotions through it. 

I fear socialising, which is the biggest and most crippling thing in the world. As a result, even when I got to know people, I never learned basic socialising cues or ways to go about doing it. I’ll never be able to do things like leading a group of people because I’d never have the ability to connect with people that way. I’ll never be able to experience amazing moments and see wonderful things with people, because I lack the ability to create and take part in such situations. 

Day in and day out, I force a smile outside, even when I’m completely crumbling and barely able to function, because I don’t want people to waste time helping a scum like me. I don’t provide anything as a friend. All I do is reject invitations to hangout, post sad stories on instagram to seek attention and be an awkward presence because of my utter inability to socialise with people. 

My parents are growing old. Yet, at the ripe age of 18 years old, I am unable to do anything for them. My dad does everything for me. He charges my phone, helps me collect coins in my game, and constantly does chores like opening my room windows for me. In part he doesn’t really know how to be a father, but he tries his absolute best at being one. Even as I lock myself in my room, he knocks my door and talks to me and plays music to me through it, even when he knows that I won’t open the door. Where do you find a dad like this? I don’t know. I am truly lucky to have him.

My mother is the most caring person I know. Despite hurting her countless times, she has never given up on me. She’ll support me through everything I do, and she would give me her motherly warmth whenever I’m sad. Yet how do i treat her? Even at 18 I never do my chores, I never help her buy groceries and time and time again I say nasty things to her to hurt her. She is the greatest mother in the whole world, and I’d never be able to repay the debt that I owe her.

I have successfully engulfed myself in a world of self pity and hopelessness, and there is no way out for me anymore. I’ve tried just about everything to get myself to experience positivity again, but nothing has helped. I want so many things that I’d never attain, and I cannot get over it. My life is over at 18, and I’m so sorry.",5.032146882857886,5.411071767710052,5.919473250671987,81.07376983438832,68.55518945634267,8.761796583716292,30.800702332437353,8.6894789155246,2.2968049423393744,2381,90,477,36,38,786,253,607,0.102,0.757,0.141,0.9809,4,1,1,0,0,1,68.0,0,1,2,4,25,33,1,3,23,0,57,6,0,5,14,84,85,38,0,8,9,8,0,4,1,5,4,1,7,2,27,32,0,0,13,5,4,4,23,14,0,2,4,3,83,19,71,70,12,82,0,8,2,2,44,34,0,9,42,339,110,3,0.23778488071676196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946401732649605,0.0,0.0,0.04042546821959987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895467674188841,0.0,0.0,0.14675752218375454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811893203068362,0.0,0.0,0.0669755333173726,0.06238514053772836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060609383355574566,0.0,0.06288621866208037,0.0,0.1246564616924252,0.06424024535708434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667578830496932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062108647604253074,0.0,0.0,0.1040435757596362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686899645909859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963183388885008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370571833060653,0.11629962034114352,0.0,0.06689352473457208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866553656939512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045928002247717585,0.0,0.062116392982741776,0.05702623119415495,0.033784656866515585,0.0,0.047544572792860514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328160677872087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938219325427927,0.0,0.0,0.059043509868516315,0.0,0.0,0.12727681639558644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335043978758856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795449338461413,0.11616968173994867,0.0,0.10498420304693276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624945088302205,0.0,0.06026913680849773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584858974541954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408050307071504,0.0,0.12475761629495948,0.0,0.08056459454737999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600799252313617,0.12874892692439266,0.0,0.28848766866561354,0.0519061465128665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056933046478652286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038082770854253205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047274020283060166,0.0,0.0,0.04737094095474269,0.0,0.06201537238577825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668200421803987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576460457348841,0.0,0.0665451765568743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745886618976463,0.0,0.0,0.04469615940136814,0.04778061999723447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974671361129634,0.0380907375576589,0.0,0.0,0.20798141424195107,0.0,0.0,0.05680341089301584,0.0,0.0807201626985879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518876258042724,0.1887425703378109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636958188315485,0.0,0.0,0.06446688997835467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222888921991685,0.0,0.0,0.15312566709804473
suicidewatch,TriggerWasTheClosest,2019/03/24,"Not killing myself, but Where can I find a noose in North East England?
(land of buzz cock) ",1.3866666666666667,3.777807666666668,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,83.44444444444446,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.8357555555555556,70,2,16,0,2,20,18,18,0.0,0.8690000000000001,0.131,0.3089,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6368976254800154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7709483865071112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TURPELS,2019/03/24,"I tried to commit suicide yesterday Hey, my life’s been horrible lately and yesterday I tried to commit suicide. I read on google why I felt this way and apparently I have to talk about things to people. This is when I realised that I have no one in my life. I guess I’m making this post just because I feel I have to tell someone and I hope someone here takes me seriously and doesn’t bully me about it. Sorry if I’m weird and can’t really talk and I don’t want to make this post but I know I have to find someone to just talk to..",0.5899999999999999,2.644199140350881,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,83.91228070175438,5.905263157894738,20.026315789473685,7.1686216300943375,0.4007684210526321,418,12,94,6,12,142,63,114,0.14800000000000002,0.792,0.061,-0.7906,1,0,0,0,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,2,21,20,9,2,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,2,18,1,13,18,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,4,61,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677532398560892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027109027162466,0.0,0.1524293015439859,0.0,0.14509881832114355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748860780028483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157679127751482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724737035750746,0.0,0.17908209132554806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242661223714739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119398418974609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757621814973158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006044298893322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040860250001957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879755030880785,0.0,0.10170225489694623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035367444033405,0.0,0.0,0.17771276502570116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473035070435784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936369372253293,0.3828027755141787,0.13875850823228614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546949478854774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155678900968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363756981856787,0.12601200337985013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432513239320701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Akame_ok,2019/03/24,"I got abandoned I am not 18 years old yet, my mother told me that she won't be dealing with my shit, that she will only give me money on food and after I will turn 18 she will kick me out.",5.093023255813954,2.5137072558139586,6.241511627906978,88.60784883720932,69.46511627906976,8.6,26.15116279069768,3.1291,0.5093348837209297,144,2,37,0,2,49,32,43,0.151,0.8490000000000001,0.0,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,5,10,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,11,0,4,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,7,2,1,0,4,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33753752208305104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958963096693807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31407423752456304,0.0,0.0,0.2618536265794696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435537680880231,0.0,0.0,0.24900429612937355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33607388247175785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128470458494373,0.0,0.0,0.3561198204226633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108364262032271
suicidewatch,depressedaf3,2019/03/24,"I've decided to end my miserable life today. This may come off in a cheesy way but ever since I broke up with my High school girlfriend, I've never been the same person I was and I have never been able to communicate or spark a conversation with any girl properly. I get curved every time I do make an attempt and each trial only makes me more nervous and anxious for the next. I consider myself to be a genuinely nice person but, yesterday was my very last attempt and I've embarrassed myself to the limit. It's been 5 years since and the problem only gets worse. 

My friends have stopped talking to me as they think I'm avoiding them but in reality I'm only avoiding myself from making a bigger embarrassment of me. I've got no one to go to or talk to about my self esteem and I'm very emotional when it comes to these things and yesterday only made me realise I'm just another useless, waste of human matter, who's got no hope in reality or life. 

My parents are too busy with their construction business and they hardly have time to listen to my problems, adding on to this matter is the fact that I'm their least favourite child, unemployed and goalless. My only company is my cousin brother, who upon revealing my plan to end my life tonight, suggested me to make a post on this page. Now I doubt any of you would read this but I'd really like to know what kind of scope I honestly have for the future. All the ""There's definitely someone perfect out there who's waiting to meet you"" crap is pointless to say as I've lost my faith in it, given the number of people I've talked to. ",5.245851735015774,5.74060408201893,6.18834542586751,78.92579889589908,68.1167192429022,9.242208201892744,30.36104100946372,9.255337874911486,2.544173627760252,1262,46,244,23,20,419,176,317,0.172,0.715,0.113,-0.9689,3,2,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,2,5,6,8,21,1,7,14,0,17,4,1,5,6,53,41,19,0,4,8,3,1,1,2,2,3,2,0,6,14,16,0,5,4,1,0,3,4,13,0,1,10,3,35,8,42,28,6,35,1,4,0,0,29,12,1,6,19,155,49,3,0.10665168815157083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505361037057996,0.11183359415891768,0.0,0.12048605041517678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374197151345573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996879424574028,0.18892347960826075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964725578574744,0.08985864711729039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239882970495238,0.0,0.11144221034619888,0.0,0.06061261216565565,0.0,0.1705981956638801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553896405735712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268336411613895,0.0,0.105929190836519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106132120591207,0.058612978625498476,0.08693536045472737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259937242197616,0.05210462764600349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642291622123635,0.0,0.0,0.10091640605895393,0.2847633200204178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451271354102032,0.0,0.1134252802862177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226994405888837,0.40556707374199297,0.0,0.0,0.11842407831596813,0.0,0.0,0.07393885186441203,0.18624828069313826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214283599961592,0.0,0.0,0.2041025238719024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668054961304373,0.0,0.06832380240244994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481370310344644,0.0,0.10793720227127374,0.0,0.0,0.11126097061099346,0.0,0.0,0.17644675709422955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036562927301643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916558684118346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571677611262628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085464259097105,0.068338095361105,0.0,0.0,0.1243789140626754,0.0,0.1010933299131158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759976243868077,0.0,0.0846551458272559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868718173507604,0.0757622992764539,0.0,0.0,0.06868019045666221
suicidewatch,Kuru_Chaa,2019/03/24,"I never wanted to make this post So a month ago I met the girl of my dreams. . But she doesn’t prefer physically intimacy . . She kinda just wants to be left alone a lot and I get that but I’ve been alone for so long that it was nice to meet someone I felt I could be with... idk even if I’m worth being here. I’ve been sad before, I’ve wanted to die, but the last two-three months, I’ve really gotten fixated on death and I mean I doubt she’d miss me too long, I doubt the other people in my life could truly miss me as it’s not like they know me how I know me. . I just kinda don’t wanna feel pain and after seeing how no one can really take that pain away. . I just don’t think I wanna feel much anymore.... I drink a lot too and it’s not out of control but eh whatever like that part matters ",1.1569714285714277,2.2268967828571427,3.377571428571432,93.11092857142859,78.31428571428572,6.371428571428572,17.07142857142857,6.868970318607317,-0.31282857142857123,607,8,149,6,14,209,104,175,0.255,0.677,0.069,-0.9881,0,2,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,11,10,0,2,6,0,13,4,0,4,1,43,32,14,2,9,10,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,8,2,1,0,7,7,0,1,6,4,23,3,16,20,4,14,0,3,1,0,7,5,0,7,10,95,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844815100186036,0.0,0.0,0.3001525134475037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370526951592294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361415458901889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330214943622725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252152228323424,0.2313872018189413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038688687845667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195019971231268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570735134179834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653505987916124,0.0,0.1391300202445514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570606343940378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927027521832554,0.11811563846889385,0.0,0.0,0.15743800469641192,0.0,0.10234958052571776,0.14158499670100622,0.0,0.0,0.2564699579581346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24638343507126065,0.0,0.0,0.09672416718813004,0.0,0.0,0.15784231919615474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132107663935375,0.0,0.10652069657202552,0.0,0.11175846108251344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981903168052334,0.0,0.308374939816297,0.0,0.0,0.15691629796020715,0.0,0.10045779588352864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877743447559487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856577001849673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546927594782902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277620914431132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894934868732044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284826937053484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415495994321585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640339854372224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gjawwqnjv,2019/03/24,Bed Going to bed now and hopefully not waking up tomorrow,4.194545454545455,6.632443000000002,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,73.54545454545455,11.672727272727276,29.181818181818183,11.20814326018867,4.759654545454547,47,2,7,2,1,17,10,11,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4966431662636863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8679548176049144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuckMeThenLeave,2019/03/24,"Do You Ever Think about Where You Would Do It? I'm going through a very hard time right now. Long story short, lost my career (not just my job, probably my career), my family has been bullying me and then calling me a snowflake when I balk at it, my friends are all too wrapped up in their own drama to give me much evermind.

I probably won't go through with anything, but sometimes I find it soothing to mentally plan my death. I've planned it as a trip to Vermont or New Hampshire with a plan to stay at a nice, corporate-ish ""bed and breakfast"" with a lovely view of a lake (I'd never even fantasize about doing it in an Airbnb or a little family-owned place; to stick someone who can't afford a specialist to clean it the mess up would probably net me a special corner in Hell); I'd go for a hike the day before, smoke some pot, have a farm-to-table meal, and die watching the lake.

I've thought about going down to NYC around Christmas time. Get a room in a posh hotel - a honeymoon suite with a view, maybe. Go to a jazz club and drink cocktails at the bar. Go ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Drink hot cocoa at Serendipity. Go to a dance club and watch people hooking up. Have my last meal be at Per Se. I've always wanted to try that place, but I've never been able to justify the cost. At that point, cost would be irrelevant. Die looking at the pretty lights of the city.

Lately, I've been thinking about killing myself in Montreal. My family likes to tell me I'm not a real American, that I'm not hard-working enough, that I'm a pussy, I'm everything that's wrong with this country. So, it would be fitting for me to end my life in the country I've always wanted to immigrate to (my husband doesn't feel the same way, meaning I basically can't). I'd get a room in the old part of town. I'd have a Montreal bagel and cafe au lait for breakfast. I'd go to the biosphere, the museums. Ride the metro, listen to people chatting in French. Eat poutine. Imagine what it would have been like to have attempted a life there. Have a last meal of red wine and smoked beef and die peacefully.

I know these thoughts aren't healthy, but sometimes they feel like all I have. Anyone else do this?",3.689797297297297,4.7651231486486525,4.624403153153153,86.62079391891893,72.01801801801801,7.892342342342343,27.613738738738732,8.278499904357787,1.715936036036036,1714,61,359,26,32,557,227,444,0.097,0.813,0.08900000000000001,-0.6698,2,0,5,0,0,2,64.0,0,2,2,5,14,12,2,0,38,0,30,13,0,0,5,48,60,17,5,7,9,1,4,3,1,6,2,1,4,0,18,14,11,0,10,13,2,11,10,5,0,0,7,12,27,7,58,44,8,63,1,1,6,1,13,34,1,3,19,207,45,3,0.08598661163419474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309549824698087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012383814293192,0.0881034450468776,0.07075965484081159,0.07654631457474319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316827328750014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878019443580348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545425100915903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677215820232818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846828791314075,0.0,0.08798577028290888,0.07183078045935608,0.0,0.07615861572940777,0.08884715548827032,0.0,0.05679334602533724,0.0777798130495495,0.0,0.0,0.07727922208808932,0.0,0.16212104967251462,0.0,0.08695482890169742,0.06142885253240611,0.0,0.0,0.07859020525483984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643304284956633,0.0,0.08984891122469968,0.08248619306446839,0.3909453836316447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405422906495755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532844409510454,0.0,0.09513144579682943,0.0,0.047255993009988416,0.14018112992408874,0.09699664323654894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146977344689275,0.12602614527884265,0.08618117435086575,0.0,0.07609544545539369,0.07220709749119968,0.0,0.09386454406805744,0.0,0.07760627414131921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638510877268073,0.09366462790861836,0.0,0.0,0.08665428026037364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632100532974725,0.0,0.13263635159750534,0.08304640533279692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022848440511773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311512106569923,0.0,0.11922457956611,0.0,0.17967541568072473,0.0,0.0812851413233849,0.0,0.0,0.08747929677686507,0.2781243319007842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787158890471244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343209651273838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285617700055166,0.0,0.1700859151563699,0.0,0.0,0.09165028711932716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515608858160965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019349749597664,0.0,0.13652752967965368,0.100278969459825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837926499019175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094795984467696,0.1014342627562709,0.06825216996789903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259927736529568,0.0,0.0,0.3054121091426027,0.09401286141755774,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Heylahoo,2019/03/24,"I dream about dying every night and it's amazing. Honestly, the thought of dying is the only thing that actually makes me feel happy. I literally smile thinking of that possibility/future. Unfortunately, it's not my time yet. I've got to graduate medical school first, to make sure my parents and family are financially stable. Then, when all that is done, I can just lay back in my office, injecting myself with liquid death and drift off. 

​

One day. I can't wait. ",3.3841379310344815,6.3452980459770085,5.163919540229887,73.53553448275864,80.0344827586207,8.077701149425286,24.791954022988506,8.841846274778883,2.5229733333333337,378,14,63,10,10,128,70,87,0.066,0.728,0.206,0.9042,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,2,14,13,5,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,9,4,8,10,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,43,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.19333985880806925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466662118277466,0.2407416167516648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234466521342213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777320269449946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112416192091145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027490252298941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692750953716468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677310903928632,0.0,0.10017714400909547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685236628740346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845738193973907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090604344649647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644978159781154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958848191497192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859253897029206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425354335007733,0.1506817735229396,0.0,0.0,0.2199925894356688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005114581575533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867289598561988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162438347662234,0.12694947488195066,0.0,0.15728784904385845,0.11552734783731462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407416167516648,0.0
suicidewatch,-u-words,2019/03/24,"im still not sure if my attempt was right for me. i tried ODing on a psychedelic drug about one and a half months ago.  I don't remember anything from it.  ever since,  I've just been kinda counting my experiences that everyone else would miss out on because i wasn't there, and i can honestly say that nobody is missing any interaction with me since then with the exception of a few cashiers and my professors accepting homework. 

like on side im glass to be living,  but I'm living in a constant disappointment, so I'm not that glad.",5.08942857142857,5.970108990476192,6.1057142857142885,78.00428571428574,68.6190476190476,9.80952380952381,32.14285714285714,9.957137785484203,3.1144285714285718,424,18,83,10,7,141,77,105,0.121,0.823,0.056,-0.758,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,0,2,18,12,7,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,1,9,5,13,7,1,13,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,2,7,55,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766170422055169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354921830645437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639601463925598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214567827538552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531107659040555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23105881336674805,0.0,0.1664420962214061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022684766736208,0.0,0.1903853804635828,0.0,0.19489804501459296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304336123126644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973401451985378,0.0,0.3518707261682035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903399168138527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501232358815204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257036633546537,0.1701525724118847,0.0,0.15844616011853185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32963200643236545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159115847210056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877843230226344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352730288978342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153662630982736,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,808alt,2019/03/24,"I don't know I can remember where I was when I realized that my depression finally turned suicidal.  It was a strange kind of epiphany.  Comfortable in a way which was completely foreign to me and yet something that I instantly knew I would never be without.  The idea that the end would mean no more pain and suffering.  I have always known those thoughts are not something you ever come back from.  I think that now I am a person who does not deserve friendship or love.  That would only serve to hurt the other person at this point.  Maybe it has been that way for a long time and I am only just now realizing it.  There can be no joy in my future.

​

I think I will be dead by the end of this year.",4.208142857142857,5.353229242857147,4.7885714285714265,85.66642857142858,70.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.0380857142857143,554,20,114,10,10,177,92,140,0.206,0.72,0.07400000000000001,-0.9593,0,0,2,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,0,8,0,19,2,0,0,2,25,28,5,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,15,4,0,0,11,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,6,0,16,4,11,15,1,22,0,3,0,1,5,5,0,1,14,88,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195396972418772,0.15880330982742208,0.17809273441173834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126995754493352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625292363472054,0.15367080128992125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623637360275874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282601755174274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596264908591198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257659509911068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605549891561109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690105507244995,0.1654542467151886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262507950127602,0.08054838917265726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297055709635011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228079601361106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472444216477152,0.15965244659869596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304010122757426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229388456786213,0.15595568369156607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559501214204266,0.0,0.0,0.13855146787173728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602977623058532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256660700951599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031851694638322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782609686619164,0.0,0.11635638035469732,0.08546333431376323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942082711508074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326732335215414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412836020230493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123470932467001,0.0,0.17809273441173834,0.09438316971915196
suicidewatch,thehammanfosterjam,2019/03/24,Slit my wrists I slit them yesterday. Again today. I need it to end. For so so so many reasons. ,-1.974,-0.5507963999999976,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,113.0,4.0,15.0,5.985473137389443,-0.5539999999999998,72,2,17,1,4,24,16,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262446614022722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879119693700775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35684078042698736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948051566829037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561687331632239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justthatonedudee,2019/03/24,"Suicide is the only option Ive been depressed for 7 years. Im 20 years old now. I also have severe anxiety. My health has gone to shit so quicly and I know nothing about myself. My parents never took me to a dentist or a doctor and just never did anything for me besides feed me unhealthy food day in and day out. Im in pain daily from my teeth, my gums, my untreated heartburn and random pains in my stomach. I have no job due to my depression and noone ever giving me a helping hand that I severely needed. I dropped out of school when I was a sophomore and hid in my room because of being neglected and just didnt give a shit about anything anymore. That was 4 years ago now. I tried to seek help a long time ago for my depression but no one in my family took me serious nor tried to talk me through it. I now think the end of my life is coming faster and faster because I cant bare the pain mentally and physically. I just want to be at peace for once. I dont know why im writing on here because I dont think words can help me at this point, but I just needed to get it all out one more time. Thanks for reading. Hopefully the otherside is as peaceful as everyone thinks.",3.932005102040815,4.370405351020413,5.216160714285714,84.93852678571429,71.0,8.247448979591837,29.190051020408163,8.278499904357787,1.8959030612244896,921,34,196,13,16,308,136,245,0.149,0.737,0.114,-0.2459,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,14,12,2,0,10,0,18,15,5,0,4,38,35,18,1,4,7,1,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,0,5,13,2,1,5,1,0,4,9,10,0,2,8,1,33,2,32,25,2,41,0,4,0,0,8,13,2,4,23,130,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885894585592362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616786768541499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286261926129795,0.0,0.09445803670637773,0.0,0.0,0.15675801800606615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418249150897014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204564622901214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228510582444633,0.0,0.24610467349994225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748790209620432,0.0,0.0,0.22325425531674045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435932653067366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615509333644664,0.0,0.09101124741419588,0.0,0.0,0.0897890700601208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517135120089199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976189212367195,0.1827365066539869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124161330138297,0.0,0.0,0.1915233433473169,0.0,0.0,0.09460036642811458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30864475956756,0.0,0.09451655612214252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468897594002644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727478029683105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428935412214776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598515747368896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124680326302466,0.14691854870375026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139071692067488,0.0,0.09994422962391088,0.10143344989568584,0.12908175991377846,0.07243856671459399,0.3040440842839164,0.0,0.10575896137913396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003787310624094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527136952949686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639362677514024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520082290334175,0.19553646852594408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418322163690112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655480119604319,0.0,0.08768934696793766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308859374194045,0.0,0.0,0.11107694445074197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164272054522928,0.12933101345818301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056178319493471636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594433472922991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840051207484457
suicidewatch,RepulsiveOpportunity,2019/03/24,"I can't think of a way out of this life. All I want to do is enjoy my life after all I have been through and I just can't seem to do so.
I have been hurt so deeply by the person I love that the only reason why I want to kill myself is for revenge. I want him to suffer emotionally forever for what he did and let his actions be the definition of his life. Just like they effected mine.
I don'r care about my life as much as I care about making the other person suffer the rest of their life for turning their soul into desire to see others hurt for their benefit. When they hear I past, I hope their soul cries that they did this to a friend.

I tried everything.
Medication.
Therapy.
My life experiences mean nothing to no one.",2.6552000000000007,4.097249386666668,4.2316666666666665,86.98750000000004,75.13333333333333,7.4,21.833333333333336,8.07648339933343,0.9051333333333336,568,14,123,9,12,190,86,150,0.146,0.657,0.197,0.5804,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,7,1,7,13,1,0,7,0,14,8,0,3,2,19,28,7,1,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,4,2,28,8,24,22,4,7,2,4,1,1,16,2,0,2,4,93,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27084892733752314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590258989635874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494108251921168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937500715888726,0.12992883970771632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026206624688051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970400750940008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131925705466357,0.0,0.0,0.28438491935678817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469517512752254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582308705758414,0.5629115310561382,0.0648918367635739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988021205278668,0.0,0.08866206186407545,0.0,0.0,0.1446859236546214,0.0,0.13380773119401718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764203573760358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744966280863124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000600569768608,0.10101978858672213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267969824359088,0.0,0.23195623065089566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365667502376415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584473751605264,0.12091935918004325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189755088100038,0.0,0.0,0.08510922597959518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017980496996768,0.14447601720071335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350317882771341,0.10543071033039404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985436651142535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lostinthestars55,2019/03/24,"I think it's time I'm a 26 yo female and single. I made it through Ned schools, got my ocd, anxiety and seasonal depression diagnosis during my career. I managed to control it. I'm now a physician, I work with kids, I kinda like my job, but I hate my life a lot. I'm in lot of debt (med school heh) and I've never had a boyfriend (too anxious to try I guess) I have about 45 tabs of clonazepam and about 60 tabs of alprazolam. I've been feeling lonely as ever and I can't seem to find a way out of this loneliness, I have a friend (a male friend) that I think I'm in love with (but what do I know about love right?) but he is a lot cooler than me and I'm guessing not really interested in this silly anxious woman. I think those tabs might be enough. I'll finally find peace and I won't feel alone. ",-0.0626958384332923,1.9547195174418592,2.484712362301104,93.37216034271728,86.38372093023256,5.714075887392903,20.099143206854343,7.0608816371341465,0.3461581395348832,615,19,144,9,19,212,103,172,0.156,0.691,0.153,0.1094,2,3,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,6,11,1,0,8,1,10,4,0,2,2,34,29,11,0,0,4,0,2,1,2,2,2,0,0,3,8,10,0,1,9,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,2,19,8,19,22,5,12,0,2,0,2,8,5,0,8,7,84,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430385601975379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056524808479173,0.3120461637360899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490021577028534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895248696403783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270280522745993,0.0,0.0,0.12492687527518492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966342472251952,0.0,0.0,0.15129090538280598,0.2524569906967505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340427889513566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045783373630083,0.0,0.30428375281208353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635336568917913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705118944042582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590071656514512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754998528627107,0.06747274524231879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35224424481070216,0.24929628781823215,0.13068142436497124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534072006132541,0.0,0.0,0.1465110942157346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651764451028786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847572128923231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794374404574813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795459704845195,0.0,0.12572862048188013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265482689751001,0.0,0.0,0.08053206750735557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376647834625897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962394984684047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054449617600736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Epiphone162,2019/03/24,"The sun rise At the time of writing it is currently 06:07 Sunday morning. I haven’t slept. Instead I watched the sun rise over the tops of the hills. The sky turned a beautiful light blue. I was honestly lost for words. 

But the actions I took last night threatened the chance of me seeing the sun ever again. Without going into too much detail, I OD’d and spent hours in ER having blood tests done, on a drip, throwing up and just in unbearable pain. I was so sure last night would be my last. I was ready for it. 

I have BPD so I go through stages of highs and lows very quickly last a few hours to a few days. I can go from being extremely optimistic and hopeful to be full of despair and hatred. This hasn’t been my first attempt. But I sure hope it’s my last. 

Even if just one person reads this and chooses to live to see the sun rise one more time then I will be happy. ",1.4612725015518286,3.593651256983243,2.3955959031657383,95.59948944754814,81.12290502793294,5.318559900682806,21.117628801986346,6.42735559955562,0.14525301055245166,681,20,150,6,18,214,112,179,0.08800000000000001,0.743,0.17,0.9407,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,10,10,0,0,14,0,17,3,2,0,3,22,29,12,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,1,1,1,9,3,4,1,3,9,5,16,6,21,14,5,41,0,3,4,0,2,12,0,3,19,101,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627872491232315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514410661651678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510567361956016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720014464339935,0.11942263351117645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229895170946072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509565195238632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054125803054054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948986524778362,0.0,0.26225785272728663,0.26003271326478444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380830529073901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657899285919394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411902788699515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705231644561928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477898474758102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892481001630606,0.0,0.14048209975191753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527765336212707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320590275841052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041095429671286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488607960215417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396769610451638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146682744293941,0.0,0.14360343917703025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089330492668958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272657501342837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378556453144808,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CRC14,2019/03/24,How I don’t want people to post about how life worth living etc. But google doesn’t help. What is the historically most successful way of commuting suicide and how please ,4.362395833333332,6.965991281250003,4.42625,82.32708333333336,73.6875,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6869041666666669,139,4,26,3,3,43,29,32,0.113,0.578,0.309,0.6997,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,7,4,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,16,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006421944635945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24078777435006246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537384373275194,0.0,0.0,0.3172112527433458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490484476235689,0.0,0.0,0.3943323604269993,0.0,0.0,0.3440480085925854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929449897458694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118862215092372,0.2851441714335387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dietdrpeppr,2019/03/24,"I have never really enjoyed living That's not to stay I've been miserable every day of my life. But in general I find I have little interest in things and little motivation to do anything. I don't want to work, I don't want to go to school, I don't even want to see friends or travel or do much of anything. If it were up to me I'd stay in bed all day every day. Of course if I actually do this I end up feeling lonely and pathetic. I'm sure there's something I could do that could reconcile these things a bit and help me live a slightly more fulfilling life. The thing is I don't want to do that either.

I'm not gonna kill myself to night, or next week, probably not even next months. But I don't think I'm gonna live past 25 (currently 21) either.",1.353207712532864,2.83263536809816,3.718812445223488,89.13774539877303,78.75460122699387,7.3565293602103425,22.07230499561788,8.192908349453996,1.021931113058721,587,17,135,11,14,204,88,163,0.11,0.774,0.116,0.4488,1,2,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,1,3,0,17,2,0,1,3,30,30,10,1,8,12,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,5,1,0,2,9,3,0,0,2,2,15,4,17,24,6,23,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,5,12,83,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.12423574381109855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952980349158173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898904188166644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032926125709849,0.0,0.0,0.2463123585649617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275846260042802,0.0,0.0,0.1681734974412974,0.0,0.21452755202920806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437152729689531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635861071153858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835903273505713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235294391324014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533289930143823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084914057680775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984498241090113,0.0,0.25519520363736603,0.33724996163980664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161725809179506,0.0,0.09358715835957512,0.0,0.09818896357178332,0.0,0.2707902744881967,0.11947137659824683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153135875449232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726121365934948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155774955966691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884404850828374,0.10144921842947224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098009101616746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139005543853795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998773228564813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25373639898737155,0.08157481098630691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30036185437095525,0.0,0.1021200316520308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268285942443824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordOfBluePigs,2019/03/24,"Question about how to interact with suicidal friends. Do you think it's generally better to tread carefully and generally be nice to a suicidal friend to avoid making said friend feel worse, or should one take a risk and try to actively help them out of it with a chance of missing the mark entirely?",8.341369047619049,8.128516589285718,8.125714285714286,70.05261904761906,61.67857142857143,13.180952380952384,38.30952380952381,12.45797560212912,4.988745238095238,243,11,44,8,3,78,43,56,0.235,0.467,0.299,0.4767,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,1,2,9,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,15,10,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,2,6,11,7,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,2,0,27,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071709647325979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23882873259128096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844148061574845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429320986284062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700971163665986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636058131800706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873070259269914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26240838687903706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228209570234812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124527579990336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612334114837702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009495346608026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590372074796288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871601042850404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nimik1234,2019/03/24,"Anyone else have the same issue? Every time I get close to finally getting to where I do it, I just...can't. I don't know what it is. Maybe its fear of pain? Fear of not finishing it and being a vegetable. Anyone else have the same issue where they just can't seem to finish it?",0.7816091954022966,2.83306555172414,2.624827586206898,93.46126436781613,83.13793103448276,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.3468367816091953,214,4,47,2,6,71,38,58,0.179,0.821,0.0,-0.8818,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,8,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27978405407467044,0.4099861185601667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33426187657031425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685657135648575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502636960508876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916444783167924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20905429038712212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176375167601764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995200665855318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099495217391813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212886198567397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213417134908386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666111762193855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,delicatelliot,2019/03/24,"I wrote a “kick the bucket” list of sorts tonight. A list in my bujo of all the things I should take care of if/when I decide I need to end things. 

Cleaning out my desk at work
Scheduling a detailing for my car (a possible scene)
Going through and getting rid of clothes
Writing a few goodbye notes
Cleaning the house one last time 

Things I hope will make it a less messy ending, less work for other people. 


",10.619259259259259,6.259821049382719,9.362222222222222,76.03000000000002,60.72839506172839,12.281481481481485,40.580246913580254,8.841846274778883,3.4529802469135795,319,11,66,3,3,99,58,81,0.029,0.89,0.081,0.5984,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,9,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,10,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,8,2,11,7,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,41,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405853613851723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179956678632462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328367347035388,0.0,0.13410619662338324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23436971922037345,0.0,0.27227568338057273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234562125128726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751064185047595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496747037806473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598981957984941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359067613084102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660187514728545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741876037612567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703004684082085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759498649806792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435753985213202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Adjnor,2019/03/24,"Existential discomfort. I’ve never been the most stable. Years of abuse and shitty things happening to me have made sure of that. I thought I was getting better. But in the last few days alone I’ve lost a guy I cared about, my car has broken down, I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder on top of PTSD, MDD, and Anxiety, and I can’t afford to take the time off work to check myself into a ward.

Everything is going wrong and I’m completely alone in everything I do and I’m just ready to take all the pills on my counter and let it all stop hurting.",4.86330357142857,5.186912294642855,5.7160714285714285,82.57892857142858,68.91071428571428,9.614285714285714,28.5,9.606745405546679,2.319485714285714,435,14,91,9,7,143,78,112,0.253,0.632,0.115,-0.9486,1,2,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,2,7,0,1,6,0,9,3,0,1,4,18,20,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,6,0,9,3,16,13,4,16,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,1,6,56,12,1,0.0,0.20993013082683054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36701149536481065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554273383151538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670191140200956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064750986258454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577057005271527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426687962474888,0.0,0.0,0.17983465871367582,0.0,0.0,0.20306440739136564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31847713771755626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256959147849468,0.0,0.1006958625315988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543672769006094,0.1566802885532875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967558051376668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444259006947144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117924778210787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934136403047834,0.0,0.0,0.1676526417294609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366526618433166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711473120577686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813098057167395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669906923234802,0.0,0.26643563914549123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771096963395175,0.0,0.0,0.14066166718934378,0.1033154782873828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289896439159387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371925728478395,0.0,0.11409854764165275
suicidewatch,jollymablesyrup,2019/03/24,"I’m not living, I’m surviving I feel really guilty about this, because I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, tons of opportunities and a support system of friends and family who love me, but I’m literally struggling to stay alive. 

I’m so depressed right now and my suicidal thoughts are so high that I’m working so hard making myself survive until my next commitment. For example, right now, the only reason I’m staying safe is because I know that no one will take my shift tomorrow at work. If I’m not there then someone would have to be and I would ruin a bunch of people’s days. If I survived doing something (which I probably would) then I’d have to deal with the repercussions and I can’t imagine any more to deal with right now. The thought of going to work tomorrow makes me want to die even more, though. 

I had a panic attack at work tonight that literally lasted hours and I cried and was shaking and could barely function and now all I want to do is sleep for hours and days and weeks and the rest of my life but I can’t because I have commitments and I can’t let people down. I’m literally going to lose my mind. 

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to handle all of this and I literally just want to die. ",3.7058538694336383,4.593914451361872,5.1300843060959815,83.71270536100305,71.80155642023347,8.201383484651966,27.50734976221357,8.515128840125781,1.8116996973627324,982,34,206,16,18,330,131,257,0.205,0.695,0.1,-0.9894,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,9,13,12,1,3,8,0,24,5,2,4,4,47,49,26,3,9,7,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,8,16,1,1,8,0,0,3,8,7,0,1,4,2,26,5,28,38,7,32,0,3,0,1,5,9,0,2,17,137,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324005645814566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252490579550035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969597380067214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599011287879317,0.0,0.11830397958065805,0.138915869419814,0.2220690432713972,0.09276231228303844,0.0,0.22355230153632813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113518708481882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153047853261304,0.0,0.05445662612563007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023191344831342,0.0,0.0832091655527638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241739108035846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964785240937758,0.0,0.11053181968419942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379152754178774,0.0,0.0,0.212126663114012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756819093620865,0.08779030996397555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013109314410728,0.07607207238186285,0.0,0.0,0.09510154485536454,0.0,0.0,0.12048934902931335,0.0,0.0,0.0972039370164174,0.0,0.14378188576086945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874683756117444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454073994739362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298066927913653,0.08191110942372809,0.0,0.12636337149598711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493319792913846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611939171991555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899572003215095,0.11073408664635348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27592700319859864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777831422813952,0.0,0.09125431311806817,0.08291313299178847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295888788697931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125919826288012,0.0,0.11780690390023205,0.12221728989017402,0.0,0.0,0.0809773982143102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581522801657188,0.17100438776150892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905736964703293,0.0,0.08639087213144883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136290863910817,0.0,0.0,0.2295221082286899,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CronkaDonk,2019/03/24,Only because of “hell” The only reason I haven’t killed myself is the possibility of hell and eternal torment. Please give me decent evidence that hell doesn’t exist so I can die. Thanks. ,3.130714285714287,6.0171540000000014,4.679642857142858,77.09660714285717,80.42857142857143,5.7857142857142865,23.035714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.3042857142857152,150,5,24,2,4,50,28,35,0.433,0.462,0.105,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005865231876914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235791963073973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29908850668531145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449392074616741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742466219104453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422416392321711,0.0,0.3514859514875414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32056253963494113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870458269896931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pigeonWDS,2019/03/24,I’m back I guess. Still here from last time but I don’t think for much longer. I’ve ruined the only two good things in my life and I think that soon enough it will be my turn to shake deaths hand. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve wronged ,-0.6116666666666681,1.364757576923079,0.7246153846153867,105.30371794871796,88.61538461538461,4.235897435897436,12.512820512820511,5.46131890053228,-1.5734333333333337,182,2,48,1,6,57,41,52,0.199,0.659,0.141,-0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,9,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,1,5,7,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250304392157997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721151801227871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25164612448975543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208889209479325,0.0,0.0,0.2901142275126232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466873761729616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860147862884544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359556244750584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029265717411585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948033493193433,0.0,0.0,0.21031492122880588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496075934773853,0.33749334184858915,0.0,0.0,0.153563891196777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864536323813653,0.2572586849144259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28793636192297395,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gimmemoarmonster,2019/03/24,"I need someone to talk to I've struggled with suicidal ideation for years. I have my issues almost entirely under control, and I have a loving SO supporting me with my issues. I've come here because I need someone to talk to when I'm about to hurt myself. Sometimes it's so bad that I can't tell my SO how I'm feeling or I would end up hosptilazed without actually being dangerous. I need help.",2.8299107142857167,4.762222312500004,4.797142857142859,81.02500000000002,75.875,7.571428571428572,30.17857142857143,8.418075326091056,2.507357142857143,315,15,59,6,7,108,53,80,0.16899999999999998,0.653,0.17800000000000002,-0.0741,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,14,14,7,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,12,2,12,12,0,6,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,2,3,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.17698094615665638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816055836593982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514278086739333,0.11055521504184636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156225358533729,0.0,0.0,0.20341037132051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606309004640171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170093450622394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156161176627545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941493541482858,0.0,0.0,0.3785849025790338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368424737746226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034278507585129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30733104072020223,0.0,0.17936942160875174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959657914081146,0.0,0.19837812122282308,0.2058048853392377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915401807171357,0.1585164077444724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482431887951586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883275683081385,0.0,0.0,0.11678972735384086
suicidewatch,02938492384093284,2019/03/24,"The Suicide Letter I Wish I Would Write Dear....

You all know how I got here and what led me to it. I shared, with glee, the news about the guy and what he said he wanted with me. I believed. I trusted. I invested. And he threw me out. 

I’m unlovable. 
I’m beyond hope or redemption. 

People say to just keep going. Pick up again. Start over again. I just don’t have it in me. 

I stare at my phone wishing he would call or text. But he won’t. He made the choice that was best for him. 

But this is the choice that is best for me. 

I don’t want to pick myself up again. 
I don’t want to start over again. 
I don’t want to try it believe again. 
I’m simply ready for it to be over. 

I’m heartbroken, alone, scared and hurt. And it always ends this way. If I started over, I’d just be here again sooner or later. 

Please just let me die. I’m so incredibly done. 

If you see him, tell him I love him. It’s the truth. I just wish it meant something to him. ",-1.9371676829268305,-0.08362644390243723,0.2625838414634156,104.59021722560978,101.24390243902441,3.342987804878049,12.259908536585364,5.148860815047168,-1.5861676829268294,709,12,183,4,32,232,104,205,0.111,0.6940000000000001,0.195,0.93,0,1,1,0,0,1,38.0,0,2,0,2,17,11,0,1,6,0,15,1,0,5,2,42,41,14,2,12,12,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,13,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,7,4,30,8,23,28,3,25,0,1,2,1,23,10,0,6,11,117,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887060538059126,0.0,0.0,0.11156864450925763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021335456107894,0.2814258098517024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691477422155576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915804190502915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137214503743108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875864200795325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620303759250964,0.0,0.10723923827816066,0.0,0.0,0.132764258820241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317568444993064,0.0,0.0,0.14353971482925595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918003629295952,0.0,0.0,0.07368906988203733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710999322727954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101606154536755,0.12687354017335725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295697556759216,0.0,0.0,0.14718398746708172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754460637672213,0.10662899312585614,0.13424149350881792,0.0,0.10684760270407072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322442807392508,0.0,0.0,0.2847160749323586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666615335191424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171953420253009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103424694969224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163449120664924,0.10642965266441734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625700115437532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904988791468012,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FruitLupes89,2019/03/24,"My friend always thinks about suicide and is always saying how he wants to kill himself. My friend always thinks about suicide, and it's getting to a worrying point. He sometimes smokes weed, and it just makes things worse. What can I do as a friend to help him? ",4.413599999999999,6.29239376,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,71.4,5.8000000000000025,24.5,5.985473137389443,0.5424000000000002,208,6,40,1,4,61,35,50,0.28,0.54,0.18,-0.836,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,8,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,6,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915729580453682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564320720858879,0.0,0.10288535886630797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199489991653066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178687044031064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144918914138035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861580918802718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566029290601955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947641900212244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308087047542805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082844117448342,0.2523636041900197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161516637515959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998723496962556,0.20068373845498375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imisslova,2019/03/24,I'm ALONE I can't get in touch with anyone who might care. Story of my Life. Anyone else feel like that?,-1.9676086956521743,-0.2391165652173885,-0.008369565217391184,105.36396739130436,105.95652173913044,2.3000000000000003,5.75,3.1291,-2.757078260869565,81,0,20,0,4,26,21,23,0.107,0.6679999999999999,0.224,0.4528,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35078225895715903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736419556498291,0.34702947533295514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34531856568468045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829332955403025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712526033196949,0.24196128146049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695233429836138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922782886446306,0.16546756316237646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592981677129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheVkeeper9000,2019/03/24,"The only thing stopping me is my dog I’ve posted on here in the past when I had been contemplating it. I’m a few months away from the anniversary of where shit all hit the fan, and the closer the day comes, the more I relive that day. The nightmares are constant. I should have died that day - 3 times, but didn’t. This has been a year of absolute hell and it hasn’t stopped. The worst things imaginable have happened since then and it hasn’t gotten any better. 

I had it all planned out, The day before Valentine’s Day. I had everything I needed. I wrote letters to my mum and sister. I called my mum to say goodbye without her knowing but she heard my voice shake, she was busy and asked to call me back. I texted the guy I was/am dating and thanked him for everything. He showered me with compliments and was happy to have me in his life. I was grabbing my keys to leave when my puppy wouldn’t let me leave. He cuddled and kissed me. My phone rang it was my mum asking if I was ok and what was going on, at the same time, that guy texted, “baby, are you ok?” - I decided to take a pill to knock me out and if I still felt suicidal the next day. I’d carry out the plan. 

My best friend got home that day (I had been living on his couch) and I told him what I almost did. He held me as I cried. 

The next day I drove down the road and found a place. The day after I signed a lease on it. I thought this would solve my problems. My own place for the first time in years (my current job required me to live in a specific location).

But the thought continuing on and dealing with the nightmares every single night, the torture of the last year that I can’t erase, I push away my family and friends to be alone, I’m terrified I’ll never be in a happy relationship again, my job has controlled every aspect of my life for the past several years so I’m scared of freedom - I really don’t want to make my own decisions in the future. This is terrifying.

So tonight all I can think about is my plan from last month. Except I can do it in my own home instead of driving to the middle of no where.

The only thing stopping me is my puppy, what if no one finds him for days and he starves..",1.6567849223946782,3.4643636363636405,2.9855875831485577,93.24960088691796,78.93348115299335,6.085144124168515,21.6430155210643,7.0180271515732855,0.4118274944567624,1684,48,379,19,41,546,215,451,0.138,0.748,0.114,-0.8807,4,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,1,0,8,13,18,3,2,33,2,39,6,1,2,4,60,66,27,2,9,8,4,2,0,2,3,3,4,4,2,21,21,0,6,10,0,0,6,10,7,0,2,26,6,64,11,50,33,12,77,1,0,0,2,33,26,2,4,44,257,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747744885282633,0.08013464449418171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261599840246864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144665810198865,0.0,0.14538814625261098,0.05949472767441157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583835528779387,0.0,0.0811977349783529,0.06842974740764915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801208222829466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664961495904455,0.0,0.0836122572216431,0.08677991239342409,0.0,0.0,0.08499013110644983,0.4989890448574033,0.07976771858909493,0.0,0.0,0.08030050841936119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037944856642567,0.0,0.13907494742175805,0.0,0.07293996966436937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428979742803586,0.0,0.07071712401053401,0.06581306549421385,0.0,0.08483502550167371,0.1195557058123496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397261256345022,0.0,0.0618819095063029,0.0,0.0,0.15322201056063756,0.06842030498245442,0.16472907144019133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522198544005122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356066683202413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252193905197213,0.12613793686673289,0.0,0.16385275230190288,0.0,0.07911869134404527,0.10930106372061406,0.0,0.0,0.13664278740805472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164678891134608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235160887216628,0.0,0.0,0.057370777636386115,0.0596744931115188,0.0,0.16457320437849993,0.07260891224932464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242965344239663,0.11769064664897533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772173912450953,0.0,0.0,0.16167572805207267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410153090363122,0.0,0.0,0.0740350966966483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956684730388508,0.0,0.0,0.0830691804896538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152977034625388,0.07746343676701932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740897685991668,0.07942182758441793,0.06400338651118287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617898315109707,0.1940607901921937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463302961756518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817454083360886,0.0,0.0,0.0712342638524608,0.0,0.0,0.15420868540326205,0.049577216412076734,0.0,0.12285035031911125,0.13534969712721834,0.0,0.0,0.07393280296881305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563634434464438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458439300865037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496325127672603,0.0,0.0,0.19930158413109933
suicidewatch,rxnnie,2019/03/24,It’s taking everything in me not to kill myself I haven’t felt like this in so long. I’ve been sober for 19 months and all I want is to take a hundred pills. I’m so sad. Anxious. I would kill my self right now if I was home alone but my mom left my brother with me for the night. I don’t know what to do. I wish I was dead. I’m sick. I can’t stop crying. Someone please make all the hurt stop. ,-1.766163836163834,0.006835780219780929,0.6033966033966038,105.47114885114884,92.2967032967033,3.748651348651349,13.767232767232768,4.851557810540192,-1.5490527472527469,300,5,83,1,11,100,64,91,0.29100000000000004,0.574,0.135,-0.9598,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,2,15,18,5,3,4,3,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,1,14,1,8,13,2,10,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,7,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184434638925926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925928030369098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346850297486693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647445406203154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785163609238702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580266082138694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829453970370547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098632226164658,0.0,0.10179858731664808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125496042594251,0.0,0.0,0.0904949315221397,0.0,0.0,0.16392436927423748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364370646856275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694131846630352,0.14785030531386226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382755486633678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332896077756693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818699835841962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932372300006432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694635587025293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097242621190943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785426161971501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925455160694124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130075002329856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158340045269326,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jaanthemfnymph,2019/03/24,"I need help Okay, so I'm a 17F, and I've never really has suicidal tendendies. I've thought about what it would be like  if I did but never seriously contemplated it until lately. I'm guessing it has to do with the age and everything seems so stressful. I feel like I'm not meeting any expectations and I hate who i am. I feel like I am a horrible daughter, girlfriend, student, friend and everything else. I dont know how to drive still because I'm so scared of it yet everyone my age does and has a car and a job and their life planned out and I have nothing. I have big dreams but I don't think I can ever actually get the discipline to achieve it. I dont see myself ever becoming who I want to be or getting to where I want to go. On top of all this, I hate my general appearance and feel so ashamed of it nd I hate mypersonality. . I know I should get therapy but there isnt really any available in my hometown that is affordable. I dont want to take antidepressants. I dont feel I am depressed besides the suicidal tendencies . I have been thinking about suicide almost everyday and even looking up ways I can do it the least painfully. Idk I dont really know what to do. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is that I dont want to hurt my loved ones and honestly I'd hate to never see my boyfriend again. But in times where I'm deeply emotional, it feels they'd deserve better anyways so those thoughts dont help much until I've calmed down a bit. ",2.384773830820343,4.1470998936877095,4.2532392026578085,85.18874201380017,76.64119601328903,7.9530283669818544,27.52376693074368,8.730908602173464,2.0962097112190143,1152,48,243,25,26,391,152,301,0.155,0.6459999999999999,0.198,0.5333,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,4,18,20,4,3,10,1,33,3,0,1,6,54,72,25,3,9,7,1,5,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,19,13,0,2,13,1,0,4,13,11,0,1,4,8,35,9,25,63,4,30,0,2,3,1,11,10,0,6,18,162,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.07455373981426941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765018818521673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390695493770484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046571706821166285,0.08437594222438125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756810567288905,0.08340717854304547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658017611429557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685668474689845,0.0,0.6267678350947388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382099321396385,0.08593782716456409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504603698874225,0.1382133088092351,0.0,0.07300186882074103,0.137323767803276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931464307420657,0.10915795026981727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902515258461038,0.0,0.11974490706247165,0.0,0.043418925905140716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416136279805628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30171009716946884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241636709303203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178598176024808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758135442316838,0.06790633718365885,0.0,0.0,0.12595955619260285,0.0,0.08618063273417698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053962392843847455,0.11197308049818648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415534746407782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689524666676377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056161555766958575,0.056648386304548076,0.17676928277326132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330624859709302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176947889468337,0.05810436506594289,0.08129319905411568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682816041462518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648804620129364,0.0,0.12175913957020447,0.06955016128652425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061011797108819814,0.0,0.0875140175361173,0.0,0.0,0.2507020866765836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744202881680813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736813719854036,0.0,0.050755649142535546,0.0979059173649512,0.0,0.12130346474704773,0.044548474821459225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024683439697164,0.06064143043558181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427117461456902,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coolitcupcake,2019/03/24,"In patient didn’t help I went to an in patient psychiatric facility after a suicide attempt. I was there for 4 days and I don’t feel it helped me at all, I feel exactly the same as before I went. I’m just not really sure where to go from here ",0.7549056603773607,2.4866543018867944,3.6836226415094337,87.53260377358494,81.45283018867924,7.258867924528303,23.807547169811322,8.238735603445708,1.417697358490566,190,7,43,4,5,68,42,53,0.135,0.81,0.055,-0.6097,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,3,9,9,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,2,6,1,9,5,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662359853801227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178031402939156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31640085949873514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781567878471854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194308231645185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004375470263682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422375595113775,0.0,0.294883648242367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800817585704809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inverse_Atom,2019/03/24,"So I’ve heard hanging more painless than others forms of suicide? I just want to know if that’s true? I know what y’all are gonna say... 

“No don’t do it. You’ve got so much to live for”

And thank you for trying to cheer me up but it’s not working. I just want a straightforward answer.

If hanging myself is the best way of killing myself, then I’ll do it. If there’s another way, let me know. My life is really shit and I just can’t take it anymore. I just don’t care.

So if you wanna help me, please go ahead. I’m done with all this.",-0.9918487394958008,0.927239184873951,1.3098739495798348,100.81086134453787,89.92436974789915,4.408403361344538,16.063025210084035,5.773587663045528,-0.842875630252101,409,9,104,3,14,137,76,119,0.122,0.67,0.209,0.8083,0,0,0,0,0,4,17.0,0,3,0,3,8,7,2,0,2,0,10,2,1,0,2,22,23,11,2,7,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,2,14,5,12,18,5,8,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,4,2,69,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127009000538803,0.0,0.0,0.2011679525605562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287354431816327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068142211851985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758108688783847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528161335789175,0.0,0.16223385306615304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596287548123034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441818242029496,0.0,0.3344352849135784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742298110546808,0.14327557805741456,0.0,0.0,0.17911604596372413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911457670899314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266313878963706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994784237599985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613106609215342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082177038390101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221879748072754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251436138746394,0.0,0.0,0.1867526258855768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377185895830066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392867331326064,0.32201818866811405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767373637047965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifeisemptythrow,2019/03/24,"Best way? What is the best and quickest way? Thought about it a lot but reading that if you jump you change your mind and that's what I don't want to. I don't have any gun here and using a rope is too slow. I play a lot of computer games and in multiplayer a few people told me to kill myself and in my condition, i think thats best",1.1580180180180193,2.3002484054054086,2.933513513513514,95.99774774774777,78.45945945945945,6.5549549549549555,20.44144144144144,7.1686216300943375,0.10672792792792762,258,6,66,3,6,86,51,74,0.099,0.688,0.213,0.8454,0,0,0,1,0,1,5.0,0,3,0,3,3,5,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,10,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,10,4,6,8,6,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397545950112937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.647013660043082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740349358896527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273675827168563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494363754854157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750762597795064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247552020955087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055667138330952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316832144561561,0.0,0.16315285727845674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963746626628957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774956060026656,0.0,0.0,0.12121577115948975,0.3262502902336509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,e-monica,2019/03/25,"I have reached my limit. I am done fighting a war I can’t win. I wish I had the time and energy to write everything I have been going through, but if I had i would have been sitting here for days on end. My life summed up; Grew up in a broken home where my parents were fighting and trying to kill eachother, i was bullied and became an outcast on my school. I am now 18. I am still getting bullied, I have no friends. And those I thought were my friends, even those who have been with me for years left me and backstabbed me when i started high school. People spread lies about me and how I am a horrible person. I got raped and bullied when i was 17. I have depression, anxiety, ptsd and vision and hearing hallucinations and have been going to a psychiatrist for many years.

My whole life i have one sentence I tell myself. I am hurting so much and been through so much shit I know exactly what not to do and how not to treat people. Still it feels like the whole world is against me. I have always wished for one thing and one thing only; and that is to be happy. 

I have been hurting so bad my whole life i ended up self harming from a very young age. Not long after my 16th birthday i tried overdosing on sleeping medication, but was found and got to the hospital. On the 13th of February I tried once more but again was taken to the hospital. I cry myself to sleep every night,  having anxiety and panic attack’s. Having no friends and family. And at this point I can’t see a future at all. I am so tired and I really don’t feel like life is worth living. 

I don’t know why I wrote this at 4:53am, or what my brain thinks I am getting out of this to be honest. Is it support, friends, hope? I don’t know but I hope I will know soon why.
Maybe i’ll find one reason not to take those pills tomorrow, or grabbing the kitchen knife or jumping from a building. ",2.6902647033790106,4.259086287598952,3.7490407694271854,89.95931568644144,75.30606860158312,6.6845178313047935,24.89071410332795,7.359569317364363,0.996437160609414,1449,48,311,17,31,468,186,379,0.235,0.638,0.128,-0.9955,1,0,0,0,4,1,40.0,0,0,0,2,17,26,7,1,14,0,48,13,4,3,2,56,74,35,2,6,12,1,3,2,4,2,7,1,2,2,14,21,1,1,11,0,1,4,11,13,0,4,21,5,53,13,37,49,7,43,0,3,1,1,14,17,1,6,23,226,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083133160447179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302417261537659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684267708895704,0.0,0.0,0.07107633348158061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502833994807754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093506491749443,0.05489897991518727,0.0,0.07331856814030042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711305993114092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507920579292169,0.0,0.0,0.0562246663875472,0.0,0.0717220027370226,0.0,0.07650541453665285,0.0,0.0802488545768155,0.0,0.08608413815947824,0.12162751385218667,0.0,0.0,0.07780327064742601,0.0,0.0,0.09333584392522533,0.2630713583707584,0.0,0.08894924163544364,0.0,0.096757698343018,0.0,0.13616546263338491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061780090810284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594275573161444,0.0,0.0,0.08993988679804568,0.08538793335136316,0.16909788782354193,0.0,0.0,0.18225746461656994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417888145744277,0.0,0.18713124883422186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248923062518137,0.0,0.240506959571482,0.0831761520237518,0.0,0.0751674783122115,0.07533349122329511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630401341282211,0.08552012271700117,0.0,0.0,0.08575510223494194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125154244562521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988462384737118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065600261204716,0.2307332812981421,0.06474186671206272,0.0,0.0998765687857987,0.09452192239240738,0.0,0.0,0.11803076734217313,0.07432840425586977,0.0,0.0,0.08047122194795539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950728947832983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453364923818665,0.08752331067882545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230333562939346,0.06783409453044764,0.0,0.08880458247128449,0.0,0.08738022131588961,0.0,0.0,0.17037418497441795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025234899214641,0.0,0.13596285345514866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659954000924637,0.0,0.0,0.06400386905712947,0.0,0.07440354025995875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310735322349512,0.05454505737366013,0.0,0.06758023031016595,0.04963743112661776,0.09783937286152396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338411597862471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023754809875847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362525560781706,0.2851191300406796,0.19578051415226091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047079508081519,0.0,0.0,0.10963621122588957
suicidewatch,shasian,2019/03/25,"What would you guys say? There are a lot of posts that say no one cares or that no one ever notices their depression and I can relate to that heavy, but I’m starting to wonder what exactly could people say that would make me feel better.

I don’t know if there’s anything a friend could say or do to make me feel less depressed. I would either feel ignored if they don’t say anything or like a burden if they do say something. They can’t win with me.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is, what would you guys say? If your friend is depressed, what could you really say or do to help? Ask what’s wrong and then apologize for whatever that happened? Tell them you hope everything would get better? Give them advice on whatever they’re struggling with? ",4.616887417218546,5.330843966887418,4.755953642384107,87.85949337748345,69.59602649006622,7.894304635761589,25.69602649006623,7.908726449838941,1.2357464900662247,593,16,124,7,10,185,79,151,0.155,0.643,0.202,0.8882,0,2,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,6,3,3,15,0,1,3,0,18,0,0,2,2,35,36,12,0,13,10,0,3,1,2,5,0,8,0,2,11,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,0,11,18,8,11,28,3,6,0,3,0,0,28,2,0,12,4,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959787698575935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165224133847386,0.0,0.09182179322635334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373399031490155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014112925643252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352603729066212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537884350744946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884498616219468,0.0,0.0,0.08827317973453566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489878980343999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176798558058224,0.0,0.10263106790140243,0.09422090892293884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819963978295467,0.1945051114991837,0.08685500862915367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583433097402773,0.0,0.0,0.09755393350248827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397876236059565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798499205374628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350254228586024,0.0,0.0,0.1311242999490683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182333178518268,0.0,0.0,0.13311188844687724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680929003711836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406694559047707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292180298528165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6248634800144983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561402093594656,0.0,0.0,0.06952013088516235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268014516538733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858480033345421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666844620326935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651464846967228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488608875063166,0.10738739326089984,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiff-any005,2019/03/25,In an hour I’m not gonna be here I’m 18 and I am fucked up I don’t want to be alive,-6.435799999999999,-5.7175442799999985,-1.3524999999999991,115.89125,111.8,2.5,6.25,3.1291,-3.1,63,0,25,0,4,25,20,25,0.181,0.6579999999999999,0.16,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272347645015155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6681564767358454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001793008098619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roastedwalnutz,2019/03/25,"I fucked everything up. I feel suicidal. Idk what’s going to happen, but I know that as long as I’m on this earth, there’s no way I’m ever going to be honest to people about how I’m feeling. ",1.9478294573643424,2.37259386046512,4.81860465116279,86.0448062015504,75.51162790697674,7.593798449612403,21.310077519379846,7.793537801064563,0.7408356589147282,148,3,34,2,3,54,31,43,0.212,0.649,0.139,-0.3071,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,11,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,8,10,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020301670235825,0.0,0.0,0.3000863005398202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376580691953569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30868363747072064,0.0,0.0,0.37952424570673376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295265201743715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835017969582882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29548952613173685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23148306911414696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652305930325855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650329627559561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,birdful,2019/03/25,"i’ll never be at peace no matter how good my life could seem after this point, the mental illnesses i have and the compounded trauma my life has packed into me will never let me enjoy it. 
i feel like i could continue dragging my body through life and going through the motions, but only for the sake of my family, my friends, others who surround me. i would’ve never chosen to be alive if i knew i would be doomed to live imprisoned in this mind. i’ve never had a calling besides wanting to be dead. 
i’ve stopped looking for help, as i feel that my disorders will remain ruthless indefinitely and i’ve lost all energy/motivation to deal with them. 
i genuinely don’t know what else to do, as i have taken every superficial step to “better myself,” yet ended up in a darker place than ever before. though i couldn’t go through with ending my menial life due to my commitment to catering to others, now seems like a good stopping point. i’d love to be gone.",6.935265957446809,6.301187526595747,7.559021276595748,74.35300000000002,64.69148936170212,10.073191489361703,32.09787234042553,9.3871,2.7930940425531925,757,25,140,12,10,252,117,188,0.146,0.6829999999999999,0.171,0.8026,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,0,0,7,0,18,7,1,1,7,32,32,9,1,6,2,0,2,2,1,3,5,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,5,3,23,8,27,15,1,28,1,2,1,1,7,9,0,4,16,99,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836311218615946,0.0,0.0,0.11262827515650885,0.0,0.14145406287647844,0.0,0.0,0.1300357589312974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335279979945375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312894011480057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459509571105005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638226886606544,0.0,0.2255836922049739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519285926276925,0.10729553274846552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005163374821562,0.0,0.12878117052698967,0.09097688573680428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983881531123317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474872974887604,0.21362562722484352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535816313489097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998670655911961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022116953954946,0.3597964553716403,0.12443084691985397,0.0,0.11244993618540257,0.0,0.10693959901623856,0.0,0.13901454362853305,0.0,0.1149358460063906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833605429458664,0.0,0.12858439852597844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928721343921283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968533060275958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330507496739809,0.0,0.2407685870536614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318642686382505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293597110285165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511800576955748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511269502963627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809276352114509,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyClothesWereInThere,2019/03/25,"How do I cut myself? Don't tell me not to start please it won't change my mind.

I just want to know how to do it properly to maximize relief but minimize stuff like infection and heavy bleeding because then my family will find out.

Thanks!",2.0137500000000017,4.391597875000002,3.395666666666667,87.81600000000002,80.66666666666666,8.006666666666666,22.1,8.841846274778883,1.7101200000000003,190,6,39,5,5,62,38,48,0.059,0.736,0.205,0.8206,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,11,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521656014405125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387735896047397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018956712093073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926954003050663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759966365531305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645407262343994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233531447098887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515295659200457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266689467014109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36660049028027697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799056366047925,0.2948358218106681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888703780467367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sopademagma,2019/03/25,"My own body is starting to give up. I just can't.

I don't feel hunger or appetite anymore. I've been depressed before, and I even attempted suicide before, but I never felt this empty.

I can't stand trying to eat. I'm sick of it.

My memory's failing me. I feel cold. My friends won't understand me, and hotline services didn't work. I tried exercising, I tried meditating, I tried meds and therapy, and nothing worked.

I don't want to wait anymore. I'm sick of living.",0.3697408906882593,2.80330995789474,2.7863157894736865,88.1019028340081,91.52631578947368,5.449392712550608,24.1497975708502,7.010146845296331,1.2406356275303638,366,16,73,6,13,125,60,95,0.236,0.706,0.058,-0.9488,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,1,14,18,6,1,1,3,0,3,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,4,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,4,15,1,6,14,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,41,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550268661688709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046205323833244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988214027444697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416682022479913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315501365204012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822350401853847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810089611466964,0.0,0.17186180869992926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828991700516394,0.0,0.0,0.17170685405435598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805452028925446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988214027444697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380508047465306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174906951608734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669250492479722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957898129944327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469464140330065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4860992881869052,0.0,0.0,0.18633852302735351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557499082052256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606187674116598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Guided_by_Spirit,2019/03/25,"Please Don't, ignore I need advice! Please don't write this off.  Lately I've been struggling with a problem I now believe is video game addiction. I play super smash bros for a few hours a day and have really high Gsp (online ranked point system). Well now I consistantly lost a few round and lost so much GSp that my main got de- ranked  I feel so sick and angry I don't know what to do. The near 300 hours I clocked into the game are going to waist I'm just so mad. I feel like throwing up someone please offer up advice. This is my only talent and everything I am good at is slipping away from me!",1.589086021505377,3.6224428548387095,2.9045161290322596,92.64344086021508,80.12903225806451,5.423655913978496,18.397849462365595,6.42735559955562,-0.14057311827956953,470,10,101,4,12,152,83,124,0.16,0.647,0.192,0.3478,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,5,7,12,1,1,6,0,11,3,1,0,0,14,20,7,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,4,0,2,3,6,1,0,4,3,12,6,12,16,4,19,0,2,1,0,5,9,0,0,8,60,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127854111145133,0.0,0.3070619193577441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476147144667876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701480244700185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013261772396494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412048312210847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888412961670975,0.1122429874365958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929207525122854,0.13178060778042675,0.12565921827713575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600062377646627,0.0,0.0,0.3094532533067099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634629512126799,0.0,0.17723256351644384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675845284457823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430191646511647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549760292839473,0.11649878174824875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949303741939753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173952679536635,0.14852445911356565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503378362140783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065189219854236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331230296941868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642507113875098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126525380774624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MineralMan105,2019/03/25,"I guess it’s finally my time to no longer comment on one of these posts, but instead to make one… Not completely ready to take my life or anything. Just need to vent and get advice. 

So, this requires some backstory… I’m a high school student and back in November this girl (I’m a guy) approached me and began talking to me one day. Whatever, not that big of a deal. Anyways a couple weeks later, she talks to me again, couple days after that she talks to me again. It ends up becoming a pretty regular thing. Then on one of our final days, she gives me a plate of cookies. For me, I thought this was for sure a sign that she liked me, but I’m shy so I never really did anything about it. I ended up being able to get her number one day and we continuously chatted on and off during winter break. However post winter break, nothing happened. I still didn’t do anything, and she did nothing either. Well back in February I needed a ride home 2 days in a week, luckily she was able to give me a ride home on one of them, and most would think this is good, I get to talk to her more. Well, for me, that was bad because that weekend was the weekend I intended on asking her out, and if she rejected me there was no way I was going to be comfortable getting a ride. Also while I was walking to her car with her, I overheard her sister behind us talking about how her sister’s dating someone, I assumed I must’ve heard my crush’s sister wrong because I’ve never seen my crush with any dude and acting somewhat romantically. Anyways, the second day that week I asked if she could give me a ride, she said she couldn’t because she was going to have surgery the next day and she needed to do some prep for it. So with that, I didn’t want to ask her out that next weekend, which is now March time, because she was recovering from surgery and all. Then after that I just lost all confidence to ask her out. Well today rolls around and I tell one of my best friends about it all, and about an hour ago, he told me she was in fact dating someone. And now I’m upset, kinda because I got rejected in a sense, but mostly because I read the entire situation wrong and wasted 5 months worth of emotion. And now I’m probably the closest to doing something to myself since Chester Bennington passed away a couple years back",4.62820014398848,5.1792239762419,5.46571706263499,83.36455111591073,69.49676025917928,8.073981281497481,28.82426205903528,8.021203637495839,1.7908960979121669,1803,62,364,22,30,590,218,463,0.102,0.7979999999999999,0.1,0.0318,1,2,1,0,0,0,48.0,3,0,1,3,28,16,0,1,20,0,25,1,0,3,7,64,60,30,0,9,11,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,2,2,21,24,0,1,3,5,1,11,9,7,3,7,22,3,64,9,59,33,11,87,0,3,1,0,53,21,0,11,51,261,85,4,0.13508570796598598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600209520056506,0.0598726647533135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401399592763848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045931456851589184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674604141161348,0.06012745996147713,0.2525738034360895,0.0,0.06345873469181404,0.15580885662407604,0.056395461808903515,0.2470409812675637,0.07459577565168428,0.0,0.0,0.07088205819220961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081739734459505,0.0,0.0,0.05392747289337047,0.2242046497397012,0.0,0.30491687196694395,0.06963371665969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597661971125977,0.11964584169549095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797979013949716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052183441439966866,0.0,0.1411534139104846,0.1943797803360856,0.07677232088843154,0.05665174137193245,0.05402019048733553,0.0,0.07440606851095642,0.06687804451553912,0.059727922713459926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136273359304257,0.13550197930527555,0.0,0.0665161057013986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770751524768785,0.0329980267347545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373100385837048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045085379512504464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391206165281031,0.0,0.0,0.1502465111879822,0.1041864257531064,0.0,0.14366518293576994,0.0,0.0,0.12961838007505455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203815011717348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293747670927841,0.06871536459502729,0.07282262041215146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756113203851923,0.0,0.043269681795126594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424872129575643,0.0,0.0,0.06835697417166522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587214678332614,0.07592099781153087,0.0,0.0,0.1144576819898885,0.05199778884139365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053939810439479534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365834054212759,0.0,0.05078382038331807,0.27144193776846703,0.059035431452933836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487247095177487,0.0432787335713915,0.0,0.053621481452494214,0.07876956264545339,0.0,0.06402272799725534,0.06454009146616811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124573700927754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03983852525417349,0.053612373630628825,0.16253641002902908,0.0,0.1821874119041399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798050557036563,0.14769501555110148,0.0,0.043495383485593335
suicidewatch,SpermaSpons,2019/03/25,"4 years ""clean"" of selfharm and tempted Well, ""clean"" is more free of cutting. In those 4 years I scratched myself to bleeding about 3 times and only recently got to punching my legs for bruises to show up. But I'm so fucking low right now and I wish I could feel the satisfaction of cutting and the motivation to go further and further and just make an end to it. I feel insane. I've been so fucking low lately, it's insane. I'm insane.",3.160487012987012,4.696901477272732,4.465129870129871,85.44090909090913,74.0,6.392207792207793,29.61688311688312,6.868970318607317,1.570579220779221,342,15,68,3,7,113,57,88,0.177,0.679,0.14300000000000002,-0.3132,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,3,0,3,4,1,2,0,14,13,9,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,2,3,6,3,12,10,1,15,0,2,0,2,0,7,2,0,7,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20645227625211587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22902200897653266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614880721576407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780995725123736,0.0,0.0,0.14695497072442126,0.0,0.20680722999453496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29168552875149784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726018062157577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966590625913147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553130760486598,0.0,0.0,0.2208228984421006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077802310236446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249130652733555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973501873066594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33302954673269514
suicidewatch,TimelyNecessary,2019/03/25,"bus ticket I think I'm just writing this to see if actually communicating it to someone will change my feelings in anyway

I've been given every opportunity in life and still can't make anything of myself. I've really let down everyone around me. I'm a bad friend and a bad family member. I feel like I've already seen whatever good stuff life had to offer and even if I hadn't I don't deserve to see anymore. I used to have a plan for the place I used to live (right beside some railroad tracks) but now I feel like my options are limited. I'm thinking a bus ticket to Flagstaff and a shuttle up to the southern rim is my best bet. I've really fucked up. I can't face all the people I've let down and hurt. I can count on one hand the number of people who will notice I'm gone. Most of them would just have more problems if I stuck around. I'm tired, I feel like my mind is going. My memory is atrocious I can't walk across a room without forgetting something. I don't have anything good left to offer anyone.",1.9581292092791216,3.8003459004739364,3.8965028685457743,86.90628585682218,78.14691943127961,6.5274133200299325,22.953604390122226,7.475848149327749,0.93919336492891,799,25,167,11,19,271,118,211,0.133,0.73,0.13699999999999998,-0.2788,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,8,13,1,0,10,0,21,6,2,3,1,34,43,9,0,5,7,0,5,3,1,3,3,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,6,2,1,3,7,5,0,1,7,8,21,8,24,31,5,19,0,1,3,1,6,14,1,7,5,101,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.12114822447101402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369977873090253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311910381196355,0.08680550945894974,0.0,0.2043225475058323,0.22103185821468546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731282722542335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028317715685414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313296130465817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199701628974229,0.0,0.1045980457442629,0.11862646746804675,0.0,0.0,0.11703344917357653,0.0,0.2510870382154737,0.26606898383022176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591460405032004,0.11477063240751373,0.0,0.0,0.07055482119274635,0.20825492503023715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329004621573173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488458780572546,0.25389463101508314,0.1753754566176228,0.18195384865601125,0.0,0.10962286376483274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286817053595652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253516940966135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134062003568718,0.0,0.0,0.08412429028382717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213389379204036,0.0,0.1297057579585629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879059953243434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906173614622154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601968778628908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785598427116552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105188187532698,0.09557336945574947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914285869405247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421170422032282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909501097488155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268713654975826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144439251548601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196719550129444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818949204816406,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aixlaelina,2019/03/25,"Just please read it would mean a lot to me. I’m so alone. 2016
It’s close to midnight. It’s dark and cold. My door is closed. As I lay about to fall asleep I hear something. I’m half awake half asleep so I don’t really acknowledge it. I turn on my right side and try to fall asleep again. But then I hear something. I open my eyes too scared to turn back over to see what it is. It sounded like someone was crawling beside my bed. Here I lay, trying to figure out what it is. Then I hear a very loud “hey!” Yelled right in my ear. I instantly sit up and look around my room but of course I see nothing. I must just be paranoid. 
~••••••~
2005
It was a few months after my mom married him. I never really liked him. When he did what he did, I was too young to understand what it meant. He’d put me on his lap, grab my sides and butt when my mother was working. He called me his “favorite”. It was just touching then. How I wish it never had to be more. 
~••••••~
2007
We had just got back from a family party the first time it happened. It was really late at night and my mother went to sleep as soon as we got home I remember being half awake as she told him to carry me to bed as I was already sleeping from the car ride home. Their room was upstairs mine was in the basement. As he put me to bed he started touching me. By then I was awake. He was on top of me and told me to be quiet as he held his hand over my mouth. I remember crying and looking out my bedroom window counting in my head thinking of when it was going to be over. I was in so much pain. When he was done, he told me again how I was his favorite. I couldn’t do anything but cry. The next morning my mom was already gone at work and there I was, bed sheets with blood, stuck in a house with a monster. 
~••••••~
2013
It was going on for a few years now. Yes, I did want and try to tell my mom about it, but I was so scared she wouldn’t love me anymore and would blame me for it happening so I never did, because he said if I told, she wouldn’t want me anymore. In school my grades dropped, my attendance dropped, and I’d never pay attention. I felt so alone and so scared. Yes, I did self harm as I felt that the pain of that would not hurt as much as the pain from him. I did run away, and when my councilor found out, I talked to her, I told her an excuse saying I didn’t wanna go home because I hated when he yelled, I couldn’t tell her the real reason was because of what he did to me almost every night. I couldn’t tell her as much as I wanted to. I felt so isolated. She called him and he had picked me up from school, when we got home he immediately did what he did to me almost every night and said I deserved it for being bad. My mom was always out working as she worked two jobs and would really only be home 7am-12pm. 
~•••••~
2015 
A few years later and it was still happening. I was sick every morning and when I told my friends about it they joked around saying I was pregnant. I laughed a long but in my head I thought, “could I really be?”. I remember stealing a pregnancy test from a pharmacy and took it as soon as I got home. It was positive. I felt sick, then and there I wanted to throw up, no not from being pregnant but from being pregnant from him, my step father. I just wanted to die. I remember a few days going by as my mom cleaned my room she found the test. She yelled at me for not being careful and was yelling at me for becoming pregnant at such a young age. Little did she know, the father was the man she married, the man that has been sexually abusing me for years, my step father. I miscarried at 10 weeks, as bad as it may sound, I was glad I did. 
~••••••~
2016
My mom had finally divorced the piece of shit after she found out he was cheating and I had so much relief after that. I thought finally no more pain. Later that year, I was constantly getting in trouble, doing drugs, trying to be cool hanging with the “bad kids”. I was expelled mid freshman year. I started going to an alternative school for kids who got expelled from high schools. There I met a friend I’ve known since kindergarten. We started hanging out everyday after school. I thought to myself that wow someone is actually being nice to me. There was this Friday where I was hanging out with a different friend when I ran into him and his friends. We decided to all hang out and we went in an ally way to drink and he had given me some pills saying it would get me “high”. Being the uncaring trying to fit in cool kid I took them and drank. My friend I was with had left with some dude that he was hanging with. So it was just me him and his other friend. We decided to go chill in a stairwell. I was so gone off whatever I had taken and from all the drinking I did. I remember him asking to have sex and I said no. I passed out and next thing I knew he was on top of me as his friend watched. I quickly pushed him off put my pants back on and as I ran down the stairway crying I seen him and his friend high five. I called my sister for a ride home but didn’t tell her what happen. When I got home I started crying to my mom but all she did was yell at me for coming home late and didn’t even ask me why I was crying. I went in my room wondering how could he do that to me? Someone I knew since elementary school. How could this happen. As I laid in bed, I thought to myself that I was nothing. I was already being sexually abused from my step dad for years and now it happens again at age 16 from someone I called a friend. By then, all I wanted to do was die. I thought after that monster was out of my life I’d be a little okay, yet it happened again from someone I knew and considered a friend. 
~••••••~
2018
I am 18 and I try to drink every weekend I can with older friends. Because I didn’t want to be sober on weekends when I was by myself I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. Because on weekdays I’d be occupied by work. So weekends I’d just drink every chance I could. It was not good. Everywhere I went to drink, there was always one dude touching me and pushing his self on me. I thought to myself wow I really can’t get away from this stuff. All my life I’ve endured so much pain from people I thought were supposed to protect me. Sure I drank and maybe you think it’s my fault for putting myself in such a situation like this. I couldn’t get away from it. I thought to myself the best way out of this hell of a loop is taking myself out. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times the past year. Soon it will be my time to go, because all I feel is pain and loneliness. I’m so scarred and paranoid from the things my step father did that every night I have to sleep with ear plugs in and a blanket over my face because I’m scared that he will be standing next to me even tho I know he’s gone. 
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suicidewatch,hamisbae,2019/03/25,Is Tinder worth checking out? Would you guys recommend any social network for dating like Tinder or something similar? Because I am way too shy to ever ask a girl about something along the line of dating or going out.,5.842916666666667,7.7044981250000015,6.130000000000003,74.8616666666667,67.75,7.333333333333335,30.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,2.466083333333333,175,7,26,2,3,56,35,40,0.046,0.7859999999999999,0.168,0.644,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,4,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231717508119292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185495102927352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077142932334545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082223276141515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936525870089676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373899912015448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647023743525216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34734545245682946,0.0,0.5246425384229453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704666142463089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420546603821529,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,porkpokets,2019/03/25,"Called suicide prevention, still not okay. I'm heading to the hospital as I type this. Things are too much right now. I feel so alone. My stomach is turning. I wish I'd done it, but I guess I'm proud I called. My husband is driving me there because I can't even handle taking myself. I've been at risk since last year and suffered in silence. After my first attempt it felt selfish to bring up feeling like this - yet here we are. ",1.1103448275862036,3.506749287356321,2.315643678160921,93.95622413793106,84.86206896551724,4.3995402298850586,24.791954022988506,5.6839178017228535,0.5181457471264368,336,14,69,2,10,107,69,87,0.181,0.7020000000000001,0.117,-0.7176,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,3,8,6,0,1,1,1,7,2,2,0,0,10,17,4,1,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,3,12,3,7,14,1,13,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,8,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514160972843336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251370622044434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44394150337814026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245668308384206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357838884268334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982917206933095,0.1552973418949969,0.20872026930326767,0.0,0.0,0.18490453910488047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394701604508334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309606871750548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719488451753024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620158966696328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980036828719946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564255928741605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982017089056976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360109624294495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377800094399405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344378703074094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441856737887687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23644858060297946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499779242353997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998651817804106
suicidewatch,IloveMei,2019/03/25,"I'll make no one happy Everyday I try my best at everything, at work, at home, anywhere I go. No one ever says hi to me or see's me as their friend. Im constantly belittled at my job. I feel so worthless right now. I honestly want to shoot myself. The only thing helping me is my drinking.

Im scared a bit, I want to do it but I don't want to as well. Its like this urge and its become so common over the months. Like ""If I just kill myself maybe it will all be okay for everyone.""",-0.5924285714285702,1.3692717809523849,2.207261904761906,94.82232142857146,88.33333333333334,5.7857142857142865,18.27380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.1883809523809528,367,10,88,6,12,128,73,105,0.154,0.632,0.215,0.4641,1,0,1,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,2,6,11,1,1,3,1,5,1,0,1,2,12,12,8,1,4,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,1,2,0,3,16,8,12,10,3,13,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,2,8,58,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327642607669196,0.0,0.0,0.18365424530633,0.0,0.1910573198112644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911544764756555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143574963699362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829970995668502,0.0,0.16722231397512294,0.15728089285107427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848648289822288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520643727861575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945790946805436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862933325875794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730043470720433,0.0,0.1755416982908617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780652930825368,0.0,0.17366290071570814,0.0,0.1936142513971422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709946875452185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681547573386515,0.0,0.17581345502309928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396852637786894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717234076056,0.13309722799345233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945111236089695,0.0,0.13916895021549133,0.1752079540405196,0.0,0.13945427285256498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626383315974545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881515721238076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309662888308026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734819450284013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274038476296103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helloitstina,2019/03/25,"It's been so dark inside my head. I can't find the way out. I can't seem to think of anything beside death. There isn't anything wrong with my life. There's just a lot wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to smile anymore. And not push everyone away.

I've attempted suicide once and I know how much it hurt everyone. Which makes me feel even worse because I don't know how much longer I can do this. I can't seem to turn my mood around. I can't figure out how to want to live. I just keep thinking I shouldn't have lasted this long. I want this sadness and pain to go away. I want to feel something other than this darkness. ",-0.1758098591549313,1.8589704859154959,1.3332218309859163,101.31138204225351,87.09859154929579,4.395070422535212,17.325704225352112,5.602791699666715,-0.7647619718309859,507,12,125,3,16,162,76,142,0.172,0.745,0.083,-0.9461,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,2,0,13,3,1,6,0,36,30,10,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,12,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,1,2,18,0,17,28,3,10,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,3,2,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426811697372859,0.0,0.0,0.2367868119504741,0.12807551022887145,0.0,0.0,0.2703426963101337,0.0,0.0,0.08770230147632921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502530344158397,0.0,0.0,0.27494942078190004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549079391111205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149530049780472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176508849317904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476529427401062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401666201366015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787897335830067,0.0,0.0,0.31627050628108194,0.11727390037802887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162019751065464,0.0,0.0,0.1270405481167709,0.12732112652238034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231380532626505,0.0,0.0,0.09603487306175673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152317711554847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532177015979378,0.0,0.0,0.15308866988269745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261949137329269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075876714069338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737129892250126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437319280630332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564901117865896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25457616795868565,0.11419794070334773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661663167320446,0.0,0.3146002589679945,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShaneLT,2019/03/25,"I want to disappear I don't know if this is the right place to go.  I feel completely alone.  My boyfriend was emotionally abusive, just like the past few I've had, so I no longer have him.  My friends who said they would be there for me just turned around and told me I stress them out too much and they give me dirty looks in the dorm hall now.  They won't talk to me.  I'm seven hours away from home, and I don't even enjoy being with my family because they're emotionally abusive too.  I just want to know how to completely disappear without anyone caring.  Because obviously no one wants me here anyway.",3.8208172635445368,5.129142743801651,4.378953168044081,87.61368227731865,71.97520661157026,8.022405876951332,25.014692378328746,8.515128840125781,1.3963821854912766,476,14,102,8,9,151,82,121,0.236,0.703,0.062,-0.9719,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,0,13,5,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,20,24,6,0,5,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,4,3,20,4,13,16,2,13,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,1,4,70,22,1,0.0,0.3672204368426383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049878252744673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083563311635448,0.0,0.0,0.13795323232179268,0.0,0.0,0.14559633111719034,0.0,0.0,0.1889325437642109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799889521574745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249593072636965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486333956820093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235405456281037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460888284039267,0.0,0.07835582796912104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972690056973365,0.0,0.0,0.14865819495531254,0.08807115605906621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544425162097106,0.0,0.1526109998467418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703313090518131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757089098926986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013301229230634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139183671488782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500945750687883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793326551815122,0.0,0.0,0.16190723550586336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234072896098129,0.14740883418275458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775138498961969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245563764936762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148077338337698,0.0,0.0,0.16855928747642934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742101528952523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938238447299965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100839090177178,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onetimeuse556644,2019/03/25,"House fire Does anyone else daydream about setting the house on fire and going to bed for the last time?  

I live alone, hopefully smoke inhalation would take me before I suffer too much. My kids could believe it was an accident.

Thinking about it a lot lately. ",3.6818750000000016,6.474045104166668,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,77.125,6.34,24.18333333333333,7.554174236665415,1.3784533333333333,207,7,36,3,5,63,42,48,0.243,0.708,0.049,-0.8658,0,1,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,5,4,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367259392562015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981899591456186,0.23419336753804784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449323813644825,0.2575161502662991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824917341298002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000200652572617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909379634327817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989959681405452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270180856567612,0.0,0.5274700555819146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631218600330116,0.2578329429384676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182838768384254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943190460559463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802266059083235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185354607312445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464561700490099,0.0,0.0,0.13327895145613133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623670681411993,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pretentiouslife,2019/03/25,"I don't want my corpse to rot Hi everyone. 

long story short, I live in halls with people i barely speak to. I've taken some pills and some whiskey we'll see what happens. 

but if I am to die tonight, how would I ensure that i don't just rot away. 

If you die young you're supposed to leave a pretty corpse right? not a skeleton with skin draped over ",0.5074324324324309,2.6129964324324355,1.5715540540540582,100.27057432432436,84.67567567567569,4.2405405405405405,17.35810810810811,5.148860815047168,-0.8433999999999995,272,6,64,1,8,85,55,74,0.16399999999999998,0.664,0.172,0.1494,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,1,0,13,9,5,2,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,9,6,2,9,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,4,3,35,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25759703161995445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5691020386341606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26198656596142106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242452605942016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903124065038544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421021062297179,0.24263680655939676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900788613312282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789351857128235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23414449169965856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848248110432034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171589142818948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476650252443853,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RoxiRainyDay,2019/03/25,"Numb relief I'm feeling a little relief right now
I've found a new attempt method that I'm confident in.

I've written my notes and instructions for others.

It'll take some time, I'm in the process of possibly moving house, if it turns out I can't move then it will happen sooner.

I've tried a lot of different things but it's never worked out last time I panicked and ER fixed everything, I usually attempt twice a year on average.

But this time I can counter the panic.

I'm kinda feeling numb at this point to how it will affect others, I'm pretty isolated, so much so that I could have died last December and no one would have known for a long while.

The thoughts of people being sad for me I used to find comforting like a confirmation that deep down I knew people cared, but I don't feel that anymore because I don't care if they do or not. It wouldn't change anything.

Is it wrong that the thing I'm looking forward to the most is ending my life.",4.903809523809521,5.067155163265305,5.6504081632653085,83.64340136054426,68.79591836734693,8.778231292517006,29.08843537414966,8.59863814320734,1.9769027210884351,756,25,157,11,12,247,119,196,0.171,0.713,0.116,-0.9352,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,4,11,0,1,11,0,16,3,0,3,1,31,36,14,1,5,7,0,3,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,18,5,0,0,8,0,0,3,7,5,1,2,4,4,13,6,16,25,4,28,0,1,1,0,1,12,0,7,16,97,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844546285186154,0.0,0.0,0.11487871818706215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850987256652054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846625440273648,0.0,0.14767804915278407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145905909271794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488252400815074,0.14585205008111712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364396312528772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546327417714662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175751860735895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275916631030102,0.0,0.0,0.15306394518437225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344761788426432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107939456843445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758489362225154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860344785064973,0.06820139744067688,0.1399156463320253,0.0,0.12354140581176508,0.11722864989178786,0.0,0.0,0.11868273453845997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29674493117778944,0.10262189542452882,0.0,0.10766795069032553,0.1348263302886045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459641879148492,0.0,0.0,0.16379025470729167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356181015522075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196690775120734,0.15737776836723438,0.0,0.14202315576920632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921744304929208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496165559714314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548777174630013,0.0,0.0,0.11082662600693384,0.2442052501227009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477908203288717,0.1518444655165474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056938182062077,0.1537494270233059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163029708581686,0.0,0.0,0.09916767314945514,0.1526304366102964,0.0,0.08989767660292414
suicidewatch,abominable-rodent,2019/03/25,"I can’t stand living anymore. I’m so lonely. My self esteem has been at an all time low. I  can’t even think straight anymore. My mind is just “you’re a horrible person you’re a horrible person I hate you I hate you fucking die” and I can’t stand it anymore, especially since I’m also dealing with high school, binge eating, pressure from my mom, and my parents having relationship issues. It’s all too hard and I doubt anyone would care except my dad. I’ve been in therapy for 7 years and have been diagnosed w depression and anxiety for 5. I’ve tried so many things idk what to do anymore. ",2.354295454545454,4.369448808333335,4.10287878787879,85.07727272727277,77.58333333333334,7.03030303030303,25.07575757575757,8.00094639256281,1.542166666666667,467,17,93,8,11,157,79,120,0.292,0.6679999999999999,0.04,-0.9834,1,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,0,0,6,9,3,2,3,0,12,3,0,0,2,14,19,8,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,1,13,1,8,15,2,9,0,3,0,1,10,5,1,1,2,53,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547758894746606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046652417057283,0.0,0.5728287618928539,0.1009686778275932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722664912008054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887129847022784,0.12437254355889235,0.14656418025472906,0.14986564950904913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775847929049782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537563194071333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349658425889946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293551135695961,0.2851325827043196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256779792898373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071733811970633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750890678481427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640015400946513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458040497114907,0.1691209423661762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603404459225676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521711192800782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503285014400706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461417254828387,0.0,0.0,0.1506419462598335,0.0,0.0,0.11945016636986125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513535900319906,0.0,0.09593374210950956,0.09252645947949126,0.0,0.0,0.0842015020415194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980389373112453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257847072023743,0.0,0.0,0.09298963961101163
suicidewatch,TheJosh91000,2019/03/25,"Why care? Everything is just pointless bullshit. Give me a reason to care about anything else, because right now the only thing I care about is getting out of this fucking worthless existence.

They always tell me they’ll care if I kill myself. Why lie to me? I’m 1 in over 7,000,000,000. Less than a percent of a percent of the world’s population. I‘m pointless, and no one should act like they’ll give a shit when I finally die.",3.1082228915662635,5.504388180722895,3.526129518072292,88.26100150602413,76.83132530120481,6.077710843373494,28.44728915662651,7.1686216300943375,1.5753626506024099,341,15,65,4,8,106,59,83,0.224,0.618,0.158,-0.8153,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,0,5,9,3,0,6,0,5,2,1,1,0,6,15,3,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,10,5,11,12,3,9,0,1,0,1,6,5,2,1,4,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722527465564752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571374626069424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053269260221244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6725809772206243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711592052135688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776811567127867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482179747948372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806599861743744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246435280754436,0.08616302868619727,0.3164094087441849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824577144324552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805707731854828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175293892236164,0.1254278331359401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956352612062334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083936582139328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692863115506811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441459028970278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095644205754813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29762631052238786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,truelyabitch,2019/03/25,"Migrane, Suicidal thoughts from weekly to daily. I'm too afraid of hurting my family, boyfriend, and friends to go through with suicide. There were times where I would see how beautiful life is. Now I'm 21 and I want to drink or smoke to get rid of the pain but I can't because I have to keep my college grades up. I'm afraid my student loan debts will destroy me because I'm fucking weak. Why was someone so weak blessed to have parents assist me. I'm not worth it. My major is psychology and I'm afraid I'll never be good enough to create a career out of this or strong enough to help other people, let alone myself. I want to die so bad. I feel so lonely. I talk to my boyfriend every day and I feel guilty and that I'm hiding so many feelings, thoughts, loneliness and pain that will never go away. I can't make friends, all I can think about is being fat and my diet. I've become bullimic but im still just gaining. My motivation is particularly low today and I've been crying on and off, I don't know if I have the strength to talk to my boyfriend tonight. I don't want to out anyone through this. I'm seeing a counselor and I've emailed her today for advice on what medications to take but they've never worked for me in the past. I also know they don't help the core problems. I'm not strong enough for this. I want to walk off a bridge",1.211479064039409,3.3732356035714304,2.6305172413793123,93.4,82.25,5.1477832512315285,22.51231527093596,6.311591054244273,0.33113054187192104,1059,36,231,9,29,343,149,280,0.218,0.63,0.152,-0.9763,2,3,2,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,6,13,21,2,3,7,0,22,10,1,3,4,44,52,22,3,7,9,1,3,0,2,3,7,0,0,0,8,13,3,1,9,1,3,3,10,14,0,0,5,5,29,7,35,41,5,26,1,3,2,1,10,11,1,3,12,138,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089541184951134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547783914073373,0.0,0.08916455295564787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779616815962084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475562144128234,0.0,0.0930957996082117,0.13593574701117864,0.12314028751497755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247482659229962,0.07190669780685845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115716856956212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922515450626356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456203326759658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394149736263213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510997006349238,0.0,0.169129538968493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228546593424768,0.1030776912216779,0.05825286961898243,0.0,0.1267332578125706,0.09351885760043574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946891919188804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936043667363637,0.0,0.1204364904573122,0.0,0.0,0.09910414822565952,0.0,0.0,0.122552278575398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401380226646395,0.07875401915058464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442548250741765,0.11304101864155172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232205464164474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579813597414959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23728251538608566,0.0,0.12380483790581155,0.0,0.10643703067434276,0.07729836448962285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066881002725976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776982284165682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447151494438888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904208995742142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392045267960835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383228391257529,0.1792350195083841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144312997226583,0.0,0.17703320557643634,0.06501511987006976,0.0,0.21137328660238208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630565825538596,0.0,0.08943661169270256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060919936543966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811715466085833,0.0,0.0,0.07920466272295414,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Torba1389,2019/03/25,"My horrible life I am lonely and I am in pain. I can't go outside because my body cannot handle the temperature. Teeth hurt for no reason. People mock me, provoke me or ignore me. Barely anyone is honest with me. I feel small and pathetic. I have a phobia of dogs making walking through this horrid city even harder. Trash is everywhere around me, ranging from cigarettes and beer to pitbull owners. Everyone I talk to either laughs at me, ignores me or blames me. I've developed anthrophobia and internet addiction due to my loneliness. People tend to shun me. Women hate me while liking other men. Men think I am a cunt. I have been getting visions of an afterlife since I was four years old. I want to go. MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY, why should i SUFFER HERE ANY LONGER? My mind is also slipping and I am afraid I have Huntingtons even. I am desperate to find a reason to live.",1.8732072829131643,4.582511088235297,3.670672268907567,83.16421568627453,85.17647058823529,6.5322128851540615,22.80112044817927,7.793537801064563,1.5942296918767505,695,25,124,14,21,232,115,170,0.276,0.64,0.083,-0.9891,0,2,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,5,14,3,1,6,0,17,7,3,4,0,22,27,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,2,7,1,2,5,1,0,3,3,10,0,1,3,4,29,4,16,23,1,11,0,3,2,0,5,4,1,2,5,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208656747332384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306434156946974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016012016095962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383293097547475,0.0,0.0,0.17038861708320435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667705900106864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212604794810434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528388137964793,0.0,0.0,0.18289308975282625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677874844516368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493822483879218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999979630018352,0.0,0.2175566637078759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889701345058986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049001093291221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351930973425028,0.09350949042935923,0.0,0.1690117280690658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776251434417565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326174949326627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084450524773104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366553063740908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653884951542633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935868627310561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832995157254387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384190991732055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226428584720925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289402926785755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271079533548075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325679891287772
suicidewatch,thefurrycanadian,2019/03/25,"Im done I'm ready to go. No one can change my mind. Ive been depressed for my whole life, suicidal for the last 1/3. It's official that no one wants me in their life. I fuck if up so much they kick me out. I have been raped, threatened and harassed, and it's all my fault. I just don't leave people alone. 

My funeral is going to be more of a party. Everyone is going to be so happy to see me gone. I'm sure there will be lots of cake and the kids will have streamers and they will run around with them. 

It's happening tonight, very soon. It's not hard for me being a diabetic",0.013296703296703072,1.8660150793650845,2.1439682539682536,96.95445054945057,84.71428571428571,5.781684981684983,18.42246642246642,7.010146845296331,-0.05547789987789997,444,11,110,6,13,149,83,126,0.223,0.6609999999999999,0.116,-0.9538,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,0,6,7,3,0,4,0,17,5,0,0,2,15,27,7,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,5,0,2,4,2,16,2,14,16,5,12,0,1,1,2,5,4,1,2,3,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040468852841228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225348454097314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046943246409203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666588091126378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801476207909896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848948160252115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788849943609792,0.0,0.0,0.3299066632234933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110888799192606,0.20598131096683805,0.1733354369321133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090101229564746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772600046431556,0.0,0.2048855398114988,0.0,0.0,0.2733455145276673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450435479245834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537695855846726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224266705719185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622373490042495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414655811509954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541921739394211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116544728785252,0.0,0.1823687710324492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965541087396826,0.11412963059476558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160326543606369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway2122q,2019/03/25,"I wanted to end it right then and there and almost did I'm 17, I have a brother with cerebral palsy who's 22, my parents are 64 years old, In my country there's school degrees to high school so when I finished middle school I was thinking about going to the CNC degree, but my parents didn't allow me and instead forced me to go to the eletrical technician degree because CNC ""isn't going to bring food on the table"" and all went downhill from there. I was pissed off at my parents and knowing my inability to focus on something that didn't interest me, I almost failed 2nd year, at this point I'm thinking how stupid would you be to force your child to something you like instead of his own set semi-goal (i want to be a programmer), the depression begins. 3rd year, now, I've lost all my interest in grades only studying for math and physics classes because that interests me, but other classes are so bad some are almost confirmed F's tbh. I come to school after not sleeping for 2 days studying forcing myself to at least, AT LEAST get a D, I do get them i feel no emotions after that knowing I fixed a grade. Next week I get like 4 F's, I come home and as usual my parents shout at me about my grades, how I'm bad at school, and that I won't have any future. I just as usual sit there and wait for them to finish before going to my bedroom where i spend all of my time playing games with friends on discord, watching anime, etc. Fabricating myself from my own parents and my brother. In the background I can possibly still hear them talking shit about me, they somehow trigger my brother who is mentally unstable and he breaks something and starts screaming or crying or something and yesterday I decided after 2-3 weeks of planning to end my life at the river I head out with a knife and sit near the river mentally preparing myself, when I was ready I pull out a really sharp kitchen knife I was gonna stab myself with and I just couldn't, I think of what I did and feel disgusted at myself, and I was that close to stabbing myself. I was actually ready to die that day.

I just can't take it anymore and don't say, ""oh it will get better"". I don't think so, my parents are really in debt and i need to take care of a disabled person they'll probably die in 1 digit years considering the heart attacks in our family tree. They are getting older and I sometimes think did they really bring me to this world to take care of them as elderly people and my brother and that also angers me. Why are they so stupid, mean towards me, I help with everyday activities, around kitchen, around house, I am nice towards them yet they have audacity to shit on me everyday I come home from school. They just either are so uninterested at anything or shit on any of us. They think they have the key of unlocking a 4th dimension or something, such a high hiearchy for a dad finishing as a cook as a degree and mom as a cashier. Pathetic.",6.643568859624853,5.933552742710122,7.086540142754385,77.75194046367511,65.31217838765008,9.855342223205888,34.415370995407514,9.11188708381993,2.898375244840369,2311,91,450,34,31,758,264,583,0.196,0.743,0.061,-0.9984,7,0,5,0,0,2,53.0,2,3,14,4,31,26,9,0,22,0,37,12,7,4,3,78,80,46,2,5,12,12,3,2,1,5,1,4,5,2,16,36,4,1,12,3,2,11,10,15,0,0,13,8,86,11,81,59,10,85,0,3,1,0,43,36,4,9,36,309,102,13,0.0,0.0,0.06126528207406751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859856189157745,0.0,0.0,0.05020601049608338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538658046631613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062261965923826434,0.0,0.0,0.05166348314923885,0.11177695092112527,0.0,0.07142254685326453,0.0,0.0,0.10483916617842676,0.07654153264953786,0.0,0.053422078761574565,0.0,0.0,0.05552476728293708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801899932962096,0.0,0.0,0.16224103552739294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896207321823955,0.08097721135046987,0.0,0.05407325598201584,0.0,0.1303137074619149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062026982396624,0.11121081269424933,0.0,0.07001750451328642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059184418979542935,0.0,0.06348800524556468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591513643419627,0.0,0.04850451005636741,0.0,0.16400262697287235,0.0,0.17839968521755842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443150491662111,0.0,0.07075884488589726,0.07439588726881109,0.04208083749109872,0.13266332513526152,0.12594909297869028,0.0,0.0,0.07244094222417201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900568421551909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443441365544642,0.06134333326549559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853296983543418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838700579480002,0.0,0.0,0.1265371335717467,0.0,0.0,0.07352844725054394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655137857114743,0.0,0.0,0.06676839547344295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587818714113577,0.0,0.0,0.04774784369459964,0.0,0.0,0.4182657873778769,0.0,0.0,0.043524499033001235,0.05481802130084441,0.0,0.0,0.059348417378402636,0.0707762396065899,0.0,0.0,0.06768862740062452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065751076509693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361470303005264,0.0,0.04992603814677266,0.0,0.3812268546849395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933316427813126,0.0,0.0,0.06282642412778625,0.0,0.0,0.2416597298079474,0.062092097759469514,0.0,0.044436774656258816,0.0,0.05013705508307977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161068675302982,0.05046105751901067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413655032877116,0.0,0.0,0.036608155173777315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551791447747004,0.0,0.13828898959839322,0.0,0.07405982033764202,0.0,0.1007183979851611,0.0,0.0,0.05819869419654074,0.05665016367946536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044597881065869184,0.0,0.0,0.16171583992670135
suicidewatch,EatingRawMaca,2019/03/25,"If there was one change in your life that could stop you feeling suicidal, what would that be? It's a hypothetical thought experiment, so it's okay the let the imagination run wild. ",3.0452941176470567,5.967111470588236,4.036764705882355,81.26044117647061,81.3529411764706,8.105882352941178,26.14705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.322376470588236,146,6,29,4,4,47,30,34,0.179,0.722,0.098,-0.6151,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739392815824655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28222827104025816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345775254132938,0.0,0.0,0.17873216959007698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614614164961804,0.24967625630454734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395299578108968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295528515102341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866542058298431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806268714070437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511049452945249,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,barvoues,2019/03/25,"I'll end this my way. Fuck living in this word. I just can't reason out why I would want to wake up tomorrow? I've slipped so far and therapy is a joke. I've never been treated with any kind of respect. I'm always alone. Now more than ever. All of my family is dead. Last girlfriend cheated on me when my mom was dying in this hospital. Before her I was falsely accused of rape. Glad her story fell apart and she admitted she lied about it. Still lost my job at the time though. Don't even know why I'm sad about my mom's death. When my dad died 26 years ago my mom walked out on me. I was only 13 but had lost it all. No one has ever been there for me. I'm all I ever had. All a therapist can say is ""That's why you're depressed..."" Stupid whore I was dating while my mom was dying tried to contact me 2 months after my mom died. She wanted to meet me face to face to apologize. How the fuck is that going to fix the extra grief she caused? How stupid do you have to be to not get how much worst that would make dealing with the death of a parent? 

​

I live in such a horrible world. I can win thought. I can kill myself. I can end this on my terms. I'm not sharing a place where people that threat me, live.  I've wasted enough time and money on therapy. I should have blown my brains out months ago. ",0.542821428571429,2.428931067857146,2.259285714285713,96.67571428571428,82.96428571428572,5.285714285714287,17.5,6.367922702773337,-0.3877857142857142,1009,21,238,9,28,331,157,280,0.28300000000000003,0.6709999999999999,0.045,-0.9978,2,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,1,0,3,19,22,8,0,9,0,27,8,4,6,8,35,43,12,9,5,4,7,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,0,4,1,1,3,6,15,0,1,12,1,36,7,31,27,10,44,0,5,0,4,22,17,2,0,23,149,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496554477605765,0.0,0.0,0.09052932525595817,0.0,0.0,0.07273126000613359,0.0947075756780557,0.1062114583149516,0.05944109271477337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437859015645576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975773113981459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979308365381364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011480348680187,0.07528521237560573,0.0,0.3628668170078659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483679501258216,0.09031682541779902,0.0,0.05773279616746109,0.2371992358433793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240139180232904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161635695084434,0.04566757587490718,0.0,0.04967652842585269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673990907370592,0.0,0.0967050676474316,0.09102298486690816,0.04803768052193096,0.07124997175568105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315511491295631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083441879318824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058346162028840576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118616094383888,0.13953800183189272,0.0,0.06425564574288807,0.0,0.06741518141718794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923057598250794,0.06647845571238986,0.0,0.0,0.09705731006428997,0.0,0.0,0.06059836963269152,0.0,0.0913237630441015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987097265269225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951111629383795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980491134235536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991953557484127,0.10148854393119162,0.0,0.0,0.08587886306125853,0.06939295352246007,0.10193773934580842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593449486948929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031121429875236,0.06938116685334401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366189825043921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418563989054605,0.0,0.1062114583149516,0.056288506824105314
suicidewatch,Sorikai13,2019/03/25,"I need someone to convince me to kill myself I (22f) have been dealing with depression since I  was about 11. And I’m honestly just tired and feel that I just burden everyone in my life. My family, my friends, my boyfriend. I’ve cut myself so many times, but am always so scared to just do the deed. 
Someone convince me please.",3.7364062500000017,5.315221078125003,4.336375,86.77112500000004,72.59375,7.620000000000001,28.425,8.238735603445708,1.89531625,255,10,51,4,5,81,46,64,0.217,0.6459999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.7758,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,8,5,1,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,12,4,6,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882923608932508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587416410894225,0.21616225798775512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398149916889665,0.0,0.0,0.23659454959705603,0.0,0.12689924362594382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390074124371756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776639013414118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726930831238222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544467368350967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609293858185186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754924540181275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512672683641899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076070565148147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42529639223601134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634409079715302,0.2884559845383562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Erdwurzel,2019/03/25,"Basically summary of all my struggles and fears. (warning, long). Several years ago, I was just at a breaking point. I snapped. I had contemplated for months, but that evening it was just different. I left the party me and my family attended earlier and went home, put on my favorite piece of music and basically tried to make my piece with everything before committing to my attempt... I was raised in a religious family and I prayed for it to happen quickly, painless and foremost... to happen at all.
But it did not.
A few hours later my family came home and it woke me up. I knew my window has passed, I would not have the strength to do it with them meters away from me.
I was incredibly frustrated at first, but then, as it is my way, i thought everything through again and again. Over the next few months the fears that pushed me towards that moment had resolved, or at least they did not invoke the same panic as before.
I came to believe, the god I had prayed to to make it happen, held me back, kept me here for some reason. My relationship with my belief grew strong and a huge source of hope and strenght. And the song I listened to that evening, became a sort of hymn for said trust, since I believed he saved me that night.

Over the next months I recovered and grew more optimistic. I started to enjoy being with myself and my thoughts. Time to think felt like i could advance with all the problems I had and I would solve the dilemmas, in which I saw myself constantly, one after one.

One day I stumbled upon a piece of music and it touched me on a whole other level, never experienced before...
I swore myself: You will never listen to that song, until 1.: You find the one waiting for you. (yes I am some kind of superstitious weirdo, believing in god and „the one, true, love“) or... 2.: Should you EVER want to end your life yourself again.
That way, I would not be able to commit anything without remembering what I thought I was ultimately living and waiting for.

Up to this day, I have not listened to the song again. And it always has been a perfect hurdle for every suicidal thought, toppling them the moment they emerged from the subconscious... at least that is what it used to be.
For months I have lost a lot of the connection to my belief.
For months now I can not stand myself. Can not be alone with my own thoughts.
I can be happy temporarily, but as soon as the moment subsides an emptiness and a gnawing feeling takes its place.

One of the few things that can numb this are video games. I dont think of anything while playing, which is a perfect break from all the self loathing. But the amount of people, that can manage the same thing has decreased drastically... making the gaming all the more important.

I dont know, what happened, why I can not stand myself anymore.
I dont know why all my thoughts turned dark and void.
I dont know why my friends and loving family can not make me feel wanted.

I am not alone, more like the opposite, but I am incredibly lonely.
And for some time now, I have lost the energy to even play games.

My only refuge from myself is gone.

I am inching closer and closer to listening to the song... I want to hear it so badly. I crave someone who I can share my most inner nature with. Someone who will mend me, like in the stories. But I have almost given up.

The promise I gave my mother all the years ago, after I told her about the incident, does not feel binding anymore.
The god that saved me last time, might not be able to do it again.
The song is what keeps me alive at the moment I am afraid.

And I am afraid.
Terrified of what might happen should I snap again.
Put on the song again and live the bad ending of the story I thought out back then... not thinking the dark ending was possible. I was there to make the bright ending a triumph. Worth the wait.

I dont know when it might happen.
Or at all?
I think that is the reason why I wrote the post. To make it clear to myself. How close I am to the breaking point.

I am not that naive anymore. I do not have another attempt that will be spoiled by naive lack of knowledge of anatomy.

I am terrified and afraid. Not sure who to turn to. I do not know if or when it will happen. I cant connect to any of my family or friends for them to help me...

I hope I can find a solution, before my strenght breaks.",3.5307066203809754,5.1282547863046055,4.247028141465048,87.12991030678957,73.15584415584415,7.134638495832528,25.510740277361716,7.758597700099211,1.2877393399002628,3352,109,680,44,67,1070,330,847,0.08800000000000001,0.745,0.168,0.9966,1,4,0,0,0,0,132.0,0,5,5,12,27,43,1,7,55,1,78,4,0,10,18,160,148,51,1,14,33,1,5,3,2,12,2,12,3,1,45,37,0,6,30,12,1,12,26,15,0,7,38,20,112,28,102,90,30,112,5,3,2,2,36,35,0,18,59,514,157,1,0.09871228753459374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750248694080312,0.0,0.04942304850275188,0.10223615981754786,0.0,0.0,0.041068265452631966,0.0,0.0,0.03356387025604884,0.0517542201814625,0.0,0.0,0.14684409667710424,0.0,0.0,0.08123180180898186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046371721774276335,0.07590365596822805,0.0824206368763809,0.0,0.0,0.16799377237684282,0.16682241737183426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290055968612075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333645732114328,0.0,0.03940686465221607,0.0,0.0,0.06366125919601606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051566665317115824,0.0,0.0,0.04319189401594496,0.0,0.28922516454946984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485957479288075,0.0,0.0,0.09779780240826444,0.04464545773007758,0.0415846798369732,0.0,0.08871623903104903,0.0,0.2326428987975043,0.111078767125938,0.0748678478248029,0.0,0.047389638093530084,0.0,0.09022124248274714,0.04198231067486498,0.0,0.0,0.07626486848281064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055183245257687,0.05254053281405161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562796112101065,0.0,0.03308238278436,0.0,0.09901647290516384,0.09804357460615877,0.04860585957273266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043870008358194594,0.0,0.051396828605607,0.13562422919917905,0.04023184464710325,0.0,0.0,0.05362559461729567,0.0,0.03486170397742272,0.07233875630874602,0.0,0.08716475838598994,0.043678634086789965,0.0,0.0,0.10775612257833099,0.04196082843855213,0.08909169348498831,0.0,0.19767365532844824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707720655113402,0.0,0.0,0.19697801534989026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613300156617478,0.0,0.10498163765952637,0.04631739744873541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006700021825652,0.0375375714080469,0.0,0.05790880033567351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034217335570182784,0.0,0.051566665317115824,0.0,0.0933150183512194,0.05564163620075455,0.047269542430793836,0.0,0.0,0.04722716389248914,0.0,0.09923311348903004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149267209383522,0.0,0.052990027384907136,0.05591088948313591,0.0,0.04694899516589577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148922212427544,0.05575839378926565,0.0,0.04082791215662457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363860089458056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034934532593170545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051597757833296835,0.0,0.053987610455131466,0.0,0.04651758139470856,0.0,0.037109677665127266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558005760453395,0.1265016960493846,0.0,0.274282855115331,0.0863398930269148,0.0,0.0,0.047161910480726286,0.0,0.033509581795628914,0.10737062289070792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262786129079195,0.0,0.0,0.08733459710262645,0.0783532191661794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045753639750329055,0.1781449715716471,0.055104371906677885,0.0,0.04757756131357655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518356530602807,0.0,0.0,0.0635674767628031
suicidewatch,captchaisannoyingaf,2019/03/25,"Its time I fucked up. Can’t make rent for my student accommodation. I barely sleep, eat. I love school and been doing well though, feels bad leaving it behind but i can’t go on. Don’t have money, life is shit. 

l always knew this is where id end up. I’ll miss my friends. Everything ready, now just waiting to enjoy the rest before it all comes crashing the fuck down",0.6974666666666671,3.0705542133333346,2.1346666666666683,94.60066666666668,86.86666666666667,4.4,17.666666666666668,5.82211442006289,-0.4583333333333335,286,7,62,2,9,92,62,75,0.189,0.631,0.18,-0.1979,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,2,0,8,7,2,1,1,9,18,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,2,2,3,5,1,0,2,1,6,4,7,16,2,10,0,1,0,3,2,5,3,0,3,36,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952443016541378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959196414976294,0.0,0.0,0.19966649679782614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212678572582146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401014774725855,0.0,0.0,0.207826744030332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21088472990145052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186440877061285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128694776317544,0.4338529642700043,0.0,0.0,0.13335475145473338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845627521977506,0.0,0.0,0.16573743674165722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117772115031737,0.0,0.1566280531721774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23747431874848146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408607872074481,0.0,0.0,0.2348154976880531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23053854207713065,0.0,0.1368239923871486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097496902965795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shiba_inuuu,2019/03/25,"Tonight is my last night alive Tomorrow morning on my way to work I’ll jump in front of a train. I’ve been severely depressed for ages, and treatment isn’t working. I know I’ll upset my friends and family, but I’m just a burden to them all and if they are about me it’s simply a waste of energy.

Adios ",0.4587032967032982,2.542174123076922,2.554505494505495,93.28692307692309,84.69230769230771,6.175824175824177,21.59340659340659,7.447530270364453,0.7480329670329668,238,8,54,4,7,80,51,65,0.201,0.701,0.097,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,2,2,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,8,5,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,30,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302612983528109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33121685166755604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27144832017528736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309005534826584,0.2863931155790496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297135360610803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969199090189143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788813531853047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115667732840368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossaway78912323,2019/03/25,"Family member here wondering how to help post-attempt Long story short, a family member was hospitalized after an attempt and while we're waiting on therapy appointments, wondering how we should be handling this situation. Person is married and retired and without any hobbies, activities, etc, spends much time alone at home (people tried to suggest activities and hobbies post retirement). Spouse is also naturally a homebody. The attempt came out of the blue to us and apparently everyone else. According to everything this person said post-attempt, the house itself is pretty much the only trigger. We think all that time of inactivity at home allowed small normal house issues (a small drywall crack here, a hot water tank maybe needing replacing there, etc) to grow into mental mountains until the house is a disgusting trash heap (it's not at all). So, after being released from the hospital family member is refusing to go home to their ""terrible"" house and is camped out at a family member's. Was claiming in the hospital they would repeat the attempt if they had to go home. They want to sell the house immediately and get an apartment (which doesn't NOT make sense for a retiree couple not wanting to deal with maintenance, but this didn't come from reasoned discussions with spouse) while spouse has no desire to sell family home of several decades. We just don't know what we should be doing or supporting in this particular aspect of the situation. Indefinite camping out in family's guest room with no resolution in sight? ",11.634651741293533,10.211311619402988,10.996119402985077,56.0039800995025,55.94029850746269,14.306467661691544,43.60199004975125,13.023866798666859,6.020663184079603,1246,57,180,36,12,406,157,268,0.037000000000000005,0.915,0.047,0.5499,2,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,5,0,4,3,8,3,1,0,19,0,20,1,0,7,2,52,36,17,0,9,8,3,1,0,1,3,0,1,6,2,9,20,1,2,5,0,3,5,9,2,0,0,6,4,9,1,38,24,6,33,0,0,2,0,21,18,0,5,9,126,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451826898540121,0.0,0.06525956604958874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055494263860347774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333449035236628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029556467666051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029448693208132,0.0,0.0,0.08413127104537681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817058664395513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202250747522156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797716665001869,0.07334139865171624,0.0,0.4615801328970349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263529470471333,0.0,0.09275611366562833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054698175906380764,0.0,0.40928282644414826,0.0,0.0,0.4708066232569495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517451889574633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044848026783676005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221794228676794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054472035472227225,0.0,0.08198328773091419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223874337411488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997827080613616,0.060509144912045884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995566799793259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062064353023155425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657469875326954,0.14250884491486515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446537364739364,0.08302172052625645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390363033375163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762513398599705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219053088232693,0.0,0.0,0.18345509478209407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260449624773066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933225396045844,0.0,0.0,0.052289250656968746,0.0,0.0,0.09516917583814333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540450370682159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981608831108799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626560025760386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866440077456989,0.17699449185255395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796991906610146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chadnudes420,2019/03/25,"I want to die The only thing that can help me is death, i hate my life, i want to slit my wrists till i bleed out. Why can't i just be happy? Why does nobody love me? Am i that fucking pathetic? Nobody loves me. I don't love me. I just want to fucking die.",-1.6954187192118226,0.0926517241379301,1.0690147783251265,102.15603448275864,92.10344827586206,4.0039408866995085,13.458128078817735,5.288315135182226,-1.3604906403940884,192,3,51,1,7,66,35,58,0.298,0.455,0.247,-0.7886,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,0,6,8,1,0,0,6,15,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,14,4,5,14,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,0,1,31,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40483898756182346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067977837221596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36062047701645744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762244167736515,0.0,0.19256044744251852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073040417201628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776168061413802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280904268707092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483358050052509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295751199686551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451168330844714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519843822402033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theomidm,2019/03/25,"How can i find a will to live? So i don’t know if this belongs here or not but have nowhere else to turn in to, and would really love any suggestions on what i should do..

Some info about me:
24 years old male, dealing with depression (more than 2 years), anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, suicidal thoughts on an hourly basis, living with my dad, my mom passed 2 years ago from cancer, lost the love of my life (5 years serious relationship) short after my mom passing cause apparently i was tiring her with my problems, was a website developer/social media specialist now have no job, have no friends what so ever, spend most of my time in bed or in times that i feel better playing on PS4,.. and i can go on but it starts to feel like self pity..

Have no will to live, got close to ending it all quite a few times but no one around me really knows, have no one to talk to, and i’m just tired of it all..

Would appreciate anything you say, any suggestions. thank you in advance",4.987987910189986,5.300130937823834,5.6617746113989655,83.11663428324701,68.63730569948187,9.334887737478413,28.00043177892919,9.2995712137729,2.0694701208981003,753,23,159,14,12,245,123,193,0.2,0.662,0.138,-0.9113,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,4,9,12,0,0,5,0,16,6,0,2,3,34,30,12,1,5,8,3,2,1,1,5,4,1,1,2,7,8,0,0,7,1,1,4,7,5,0,2,5,3,17,7,27,20,6,30,0,3,0,2,18,11,0,5,16,102,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616818307813676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289434720024493,0.0,0.18324624406660492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855985935642424,0.1066199943415773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592613816602664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230359762653694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347680212995656,0.10315704980897952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005181109861842,0.0,0.1060799755447803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833811233504094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111782803624165,0.08556315148287726,0.0,0.0,0.10946689316299504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253339879346227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806760525023547,0.0,0.09579038275990308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794855159440618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885246568875933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316440572043696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459653890282565,0.058513188915627526,0.0,0.31727523467576074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307422468738051,0.0,0.2161927861788534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805445153117453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567764431466127,0.0,0.16231744014637134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146029640458339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738930336639107,0.0,0.0,0.1534544526282667,0.0,0.0,0.12858731506733706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524528734841757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249454124598564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220896323073704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477326717833794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310080824246552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962659586401386,0.0,0.11026740212908501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508337875431308,0.20951517814641207,0.27531418890347664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027451386594416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016122868639225,0.0,0.0,0.3085097919712469
suicidewatch,---andy--,2019/03/25,"its an inconvenient time to be suicidal TW last night I tried to kill myself by tying my shoe lace around this hook on my ceiling, now I'm 110 pounds and thought I might give it a try. well, I put scissors in my pocket just in case I changed my mind in the middle of choking. so I put my neck around the noose and leaned off my bed. I could feel the shoe lace getting tighter around my neck until I finally stepped off my bed and I hung there choking for 5 seconds until the hook gave out and I fell back onto my bed. for about an hour the shoe lace was still tight around my neck and I was debating whether to cut it or not. well, I did then cut my wrist to ribbons, more then I ever have before. now this all took place at 1am, so I was tired from crying and decided to sleep. woke up, and realized I need to tell someone because I'm scared I will do it again. seriously the only thing keeping me alive is my mom and step dad. but we currently don't have insurance as my mom started a new job recently and I know I have to be hospitalized again. I'm really not sure what to do, should I tell someone, go through with it, or just leave it be and hope it doesn't happen again? sorry I'm kinda panicked right now so this might not make any sense",3.2855640373197623,3.935396114503821,4.318727735368956,90.02446988973709,72.58778625954199,7.654283290924512,26.005937234944874,7.793537801064563,1.1468186598812546,970,30,223,12,18,316,151,262,0.116,0.8440000000000001,0.04,-0.938,2,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,0,22,9,3,1,10,0,20,9,8,1,3,45,39,22,2,4,9,3,2,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,12,17,0,2,5,0,0,7,5,5,2,1,8,2,34,4,33,23,2,46,0,0,0,0,8,17,0,6,22,148,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986432669857896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418191752239445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030535411467668,0.0,0.07159131957443961,0.0,0.09993416595046084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423765841830417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376757473861592,0.0,0.12900410146967967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623266609487413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938201020209598,0.0,0.0,0.1286515507517486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061358397577022675,0.11266070027286786,0.0667447772955812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038532339182748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166460246286946,0.11565633577916674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654268317893413,0.10438750516731066,0.1299317486147613,0.0,0.06454284125385773,0.09573059245167563,0.0,0.12435371500701713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783931911924865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491739926533873,0.11858255417083312,0.2750924044872937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708147079252031,0.0,0.11342584537299408,0.0,0.11021100169480856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931964173181768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227014934280476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361225250409491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752361070147502,0.0,0.11595942837124948,0.0,0.0,0.1002944990947042,0.0,0.0,0.1175795463165759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175264317751752,0.0,0.19901580167898025,0.0,0.0,0.1314662749700968,0.0831257808708849,0.0,0.09378902691715874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846206728162374,0.0,0.11068733401104758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052982991409533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802299176889813,0.0,0.0,0.0932355254182542,0.06848115122221529,0.1349818622024502,0.0,0.0,0.13048195755120168,0.15947029753379266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118823542791496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madsback,2019/03/25,"My Last Out Has Been Taken I currently 17. I'm in my final year of high school, have been depressed since the end of the 5th grade. This depression got worse as time went off, and started to peak in the start of this year, but I found something to keep myself going, I put as much energy as I could into this one thing, and it was the one goal and future I saw myself doing. I did everything I possibly could to make this work I sacrificed so more for it. Today my mom forced me to leave this goal behind due to my school grades, the thing is it's the only thing keeping me going, and I need to put all my time into it or I will fail, so If I'm forced to not do this for months, I might not ever achieve it. This one out I had was taken and now suicide seems like the only option. I even know how I would do my household has guns I know where they are and it would be very easy to do. I'm very conflicted, but I don't see another way out.",4.633204320432043,3.662324930693072,5.650036003600359,87.26224572457248,69.4950495049505,8.929612961296131,25.294329432943286,8.00094639256281,1.092479207920792,724,14,171,8,11,241,111,202,0.13,0.821,0.049,-0.949,1,0,1,1,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,5,7,4,0,0,7,0,23,0,0,2,2,35,44,16,1,6,6,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,16,11,0,3,4,0,0,5,3,3,0,3,12,2,27,1,25,25,3,32,0,3,2,0,2,10,0,5,17,123,43,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162668450217965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044722624012154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162335595833441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111802380692223,0.0,0.0,0.08290982801314915,0.11354694474166177,0.0,0.0,0.11281615648169407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750940328553754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763458753072302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426805109571012,0.0,0.10039592774502662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326268526797279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314948342475,0.0,0.0,0.13797342566506948,0.1023217875515735,0.0,0.13291565509343306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613264684538189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837906801708829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331649981824121,0.0,0.14701646489448686,0.10019497149958924,0.0,0.09227726510879257,0.09307716087319434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25518235009361706,0.19093886648783065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141513562907573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25237991560093176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25408136394543285,0.10002928380545732,0.11427565678605565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383776807920334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663731660934388,0.0,0.0,0.1776982315161774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730687359384636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018497588256466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639236271694134,0.0,0.118985533299051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714691280847286,0.0,0.0996380046183259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636538784908736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138562319939077,0.0,0.12792339803855926,0.17834247998594455,0.0,0.0,0.16167138021053792
suicidewatch,tahliaxxx,2019/03/25,"My Narcissist Parents make me Feel Terrible for Asking for Any type of Help I guess I'll post some context. Growing up I was always the one in the wrong, stuck between two divorced parents who hated each other and used me as weapon to hurt each other, I got passed between them whenever they felt like it or when it gave the other ammunition. Chronically  physically abused yadayada, that I'm over - the mental abuse has fucked me up for life.

I have a seriously bad problem with my self image, so insecure, which I think many of raised by np can resonate with. That insecurity is I guess what landed me in a seriously abusive relationship where I was treated the same as my parents treated me, familiarity is bad but intoxicating. Anyway, I got the strength finally this week (woohoo me!) after 3 years to end it after a particularly bad episode, great for me in general - not for the immediate future. I'm a self employed sex worker (please don't downvote me or judge me, it's my job and I like to be honest after growing up around bullshit and lies), and as of the last 2 months or so I had barely been scraping by and my ex was subsiding slightly (this was after 2 years previously of me being basically the only income in the relationship after he flunked out of university and refused to get a job), my mental health has been terrible after an altercation with my Mum before Christmas, where I asked for her to look after my dog for 3 days (Christmas is the hardest time, it was filled with arguments and vicious attacks towards me and recentlym 2+ years of being manipulated into paying for everything because of threats from my mother, last year was the last straw when she screamed at me for getting her the wrong high end laptop that I saved for forever)  and she got my 11 year old sister to pretend to be afraid of it (my sister called me crying after this to apologise, telling me my mum had screamed at her to do it and thrown threats at her) sent me into a severe depression and I was only just picking myself up again the last few weeks or so.

I have been semi financially independent from my parents since I was 14 and had to pay rent, bills and food, then completely independent when I moved out at 18, I rent, had no debt and until recently doing well at supporting myself. Me and my ex moved in together in September, a nightmare since where I'm in debt with credit cards, the government for taxes because he stole all of the savings I had for paying it. Now I'm in a place where he took every single thing of value from my house that I either payed for or payed 50/50 for - my tv, back up tv, Nintendo switch, microwave, xbox, hoover, even my fucking toaster. It's upsetting but it's just stuff, although stuff I could have sold now I'm in a predicament. He also stole over £3000 I had in savings, please don't suggest going to the police, I never want to see him again and I will be made out to be the crazy one who has a history of mental health problems, being sectioned and drug problems in my teenage years.

The problem now is I can barely afford to pay my rent, I managed to find a graphic design position interview through  a contact I had from when I was doing it freelance when I first started sex work, perfect! The problem was getting there, I'm originally from London but moved to study and be away from my parents. Over the years I have asked them for small amounts of money when I really needed it, maybe £50 - always ending in them berating me and making me feel embarrassed for asking, telling me to stop acting like a victim or telling me how hard I make their life (I was basically estranged from my Dad when last week happened, haven't seen each other in a year or spoke). So I called my dad, begging him basically because I NEED to get this job to be able to pay my rent, and he completely spun it, he screamed at me, telling me if I hang up he won't give me the money as leverage, basically telling me how awful I have been to him for painting him as a bad guy who doesn't love me, laying on the emotional abuse and I had no choice this time but to listen, I need that money to be independent from them, I kept telling him I will give him my old macbook which needs repair but is still in warranty and worth like £600-700 (I was asking him for £180, the most I have ever asked for, he works in computers so he could find a buyer easier), but the abuse continued. It ended up being a 20 minute conversation where he told me AGAIN for the hundredth time my mental illness wasn't real, I had ruined his life, his happiness and his health. He berated me and I had no choice but to take it,

I feel so fucking depressed that I had to ask them for anything again. I haven't stopped crying for an hour now, I'll probably fall into an even worse fucking depression as I usually do. How do I deal with this feeling of being so unloved and unwanted by the people who brought me into this world? I have never been able to deal with it, it always end in self harm and suicide attempts. I just got out of the worst relationship of my life which they know about because of police and hospital reports and not once did they ask if I was ok, let alone caring if I'm alive, to them I am a burden that was brought into this world because of necessity to keep my Mother alive and them together, not because they ever wanted me and this is something I live with everyday. I have felt unloved my whole life and it's just worse now, please Reddit help me deal because I'm just lost again. I forever feel like I don't belong in this world.

I know this is long and I apologise, I needed to get this out somewhere and this seemed like the best place. Please give me some advice without judgement.",7.882846108140228,6.399423440285204,8.120463458110518,73.85036838978017,63.2602495543672,10.949257278669043,36.19667260843731,9.816601858774405,3.3482601307189546,4508,173,867,74,54,1484,420,1122,0.192,0.7140000000000001,0.094,-0.999,17,1,2,0,5,1,106.0,0,0,12,9,49,69,11,5,50,2,82,21,0,14,6,146,163,77,1,18,27,15,8,6,0,3,13,5,5,4,53,55,1,5,13,5,21,15,17,46,1,4,51,16,149,23,154,94,16,151,0,7,3,7,101,61,4,16,80,614,202,23,0.08130400118133223,0.2408298661780485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0397246644886248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210321261001963,0.0,0.03250939018519241,0.10147716316590973,0.0,0.0,0.027644754418152256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033453132711186884,0.036188899250314266,0.3040330634845854,0.046247519385235684,0.03819389273695945,0.03125887915597906,0.13577088983202856,0.17346757569289545,0.0,0.03459185834133526,0.0,0.042661766590776334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302047553842748,0.0,0.041447423915999065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524569836527197,0.0,0.0,0.06491462917650559,0.0,0.08930862755591587,0.026217177324880082,0.12573128275686274,0.1050405256223422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714341452916598,0.0,0.0,0.045728029054807835,0.18002803185147231,0.0,0.0,0.05370052598397252,0.0735441238104276,0.03425106380404485,0.0,0.03653539687476076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277436477294964,0.029041797344625662,0.0780645913040766,0.044532279592984086,0.07431038413356453,0.03457857093533647,0.049156560477832234,0.0,0.0,0.1503284779538414,0.1061949622958708,0.11699130965099246,0.0231034687613968,0.0,0.13005247401313605,0.04481897416537865,0.08956552359538034,0.04025187188318774,0.03594842986703238,0.043274810549643467,0.03641620766257047,0.040135434373605235,0.0,0.12963352696388766,0.0,0.0,0.0544963581770562,0.0429510705737484,0.0,0.0,0.04003403185987558,0.04690695063955151,0.043518807416982684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102251363892674,0.03613336597158403,0.0,0.0,0.044682552765938015,0.16568403115817426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156942486126235,0.14356855119836606,0.11916308446040708,0.0,0.035896461300734615,0.035975741278883984,0.03413744202818679,0.0,0.044376460804507786,0.0,0.0366900176931463,0.03846590588314165,0.08140657818668269,0.04121474801514202,0.0408403985935788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387062057124147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032448039028761165,0.12961992944460726,0.0,0.15071471669174896,0.06270665794372747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531487243470108,0.04329305389128603,0.05509369536455978,0.061835356597011885,0.0,0.0,0.22569617908007394,0.0,0.0,0.028182978645340664,0.0,0.08494537655995175,0.17849475632755024,0.0,0.0,0.03893337931498593,0.0,0.04382973228750517,0.19449237196333155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046270876527731215,0.026042712532347675,0.0,0.0401389462893894,0.130935105143566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323943812385017,0.037008054555377055,0.12722670746387732,0.04592518953552685,0.0,0.06725550994956372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03129589613174942,0.0,0.0,0.028773695252772232,0.0,0.03246474018403587,0.06797378553977428,0.0,0.0,0.0930736295407678,0.04446669055950145,0.04613140852228567,0.0,0.0,0.030565245240284807,0.0,0.2131898419541924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02700738284016714,0.026048160522658542,0.0,0.0,0.07111352537743892,0.0,0.0,0.038844728667594405,0.04516586843731471,0.0,0.0,0.03971109761036618,0.0,0.0,0.035110276251369615,0.04477243537923506,0.0,0.04795520641078373,0.0,0.0978257483488714,0.0,0.0365510306400136,0.0,0.0,0.0453865068928427,0.0,0.039187077899378094,0.0,0.059190281185990436,0.0,0.08285572319892191,0.0,0.08889316197585646,0.0,0.20942844441756145
suicidewatch,justsomeguy3068,2019/03/25,"I'm not sure how to get help I'm an adult. I have a full time job, that runs 60 hours per week. I'm also feeling very low, and have started making a plan. I know I need help to get past this, and the prevention hotline, and my normal avenues are not working.

I want to take myself to the ER to stop myself from acting on any thoughts. But part of my brain says that if I miss work because of seeking treatment, I might get through this but be out of a job.

I don't know what to do. ",1.6847857142857132,2.6084034190476197,3.126845238095239,96.02169642857143,76.71428571428571,5.6309523809523805,23.60119047619048,5.148860815047168,0.059690476190476176,369,11,90,1,8,121,69,105,0.076,0.872,0.052000000000000005,-0.0615,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,6,0,7,1,1,2,1,22,23,8,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,2,11,1,13,20,2,12,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,6,54,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517413086946935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319542050927373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828529778556802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216613389367062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981127153628882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30413448329431264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26012253590434264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109082217993845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851105431913597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132791864438536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952355145406352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058463239441942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387858424076458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011850738080754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21012697016350493,0.18523362905698293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430880686657608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734287623720562,0.0,0.0,0.16222656027929044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828808903427714,0.0,0.1458943197013189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540464954948195,0.1131465855521166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601037476064203,0.11445012399600213,0.0,0.15564759792188546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825276139181203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dayleighknightlite,2019/03/25,"Tonight I'm taking sleeping pills and lying on train tracks.  I know I need help, but I can't get it. I won't get it. I'm better off dying with dignity. If I get help, they'll put me in a metal hospital and that's worse than death. I'm scared, but I'm going through with it. I'll be here to chat while I wait for the train.",-0.3594208494208502,1.1058458378378369,2.086911196911199,98.92932432432436,83.86486486486487,5.3096525096525085,17.328185328185327,6.18269132825596,-0.5804301158301155,248,5,65,2,7,85,50,74,0.198,0.638,0.163,-0.5789,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,10,16,6,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,9,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563141798316825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007779472422104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542426835425314,0.0,0.16470620674828354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885082595015514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927248522534704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148911017978185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913399894578423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901512575167354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900201866675729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790172089959253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953420548320971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,impeccablemix,2019/03/25,"My last attempt triggered a psychosis. Turns out I have schizophrenia. Now what? After staying in a crappy Ukrainian hospital for a month I'm back home. I sleep for 15 hours a day so I don't have to face reality. Don't tell my psychiatrist, she would be mad if she found out about my sleep schedule. The remaining 9 hours is still too much. I don't have any friends, irl or online. I go for walks with my mom because going outside is supposed to be good for you. I'm trying to find work as a freelance audio engineer, but can't find clients. I've read this book called You Are The Placebo and trying to do the meditation described there because there's nothing else to do.

After writing schizophrenic nonsense to people I'm scared of making new friends online. I'm stuck. Can't even afford another suicide attempt. Trying to stay positive, but it's hard when there's no support other than a silly book.",3.041413770053474,5.428677880681819,4.0021925133689855,84.80858288770057,77.01136363636363,6.1866310160427815,28.53475935828877,7.285733465282438,1.7511822192513369,721,32,132,9,17,232,113,176,0.168,0.759,0.073,-0.951,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,2,0,3,11,7,1,1,9,0,16,4,3,2,0,15,27,8,1,2,4,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,2,0,0,2,2,13,5,21,22,1,21,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,13,80,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851892695886666,0.15191246417572218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139875528652922,0.0,0.17662704427879672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793200984795352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343140253188592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102319373440225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568756005287243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26482345243525923,0.0,0.0,0.15884628125883568,0.22385776581386688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466986227998054,0.12151299246500845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977817232740305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453199018386505,0.0,0.2853423691897381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180912133782939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670416563221923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169674056145927,0.11563662091835801,0.0,0.10649866919531004,0.0,0.0,0.13991969928857534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901000092814486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043702225187634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449126739887182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450436160206874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899561901146217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30883168421459617,0.1156961396202336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846806135696745,0.16440069598637694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662579761163262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950787274674413,0.15758073299355738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054696109907988,0.0,0.0,0.10291395587581492,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whats2lose,2019/03/25,"PLEASE HELP: FRIEND MAY COMMIT SUICIDE SOON I’m texting her but she hasn’t replied in several minutes I’m so scared she’s going to do something

I had no idea she was suicidal

She said she was going to kill her self a couple days ago with her dads rifle, but couldn’t figure out how to load it. That was the only thing stopping her

What do I say what do I do 

I’m going to try and go over there but I’m not sure if I can ",-1.0283333333333324,1.0015749255319155,1.3990425531914925,98.9841666666667,92.29787234042551,3.9843971631205686,16.343971631205672,5.46131890053228,-0.7979262411347521,329,8,79,2,12,111,63,94,0.261,0.6579999999999999,0.08,-0.9736,0,0,1,1,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,2,0,12,0,0,1,2,16,21,7,3,2,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,5,2,13,2,8,14,0,11,0,0,0,0,15,3,0,2,4,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487689059296566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828665977765213,0.0,0.12722933311556855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524181029366407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484752705058541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322326813099384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22270520096343704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826118262874752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004039308486428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655428930013546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765853584551093,0.15688504043500787,0.19751177911179066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580615200652208,0.2228703405177848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187584631080395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649349832058192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315847824222317,0.0,0.18593414373959868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106412125802838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394022671503386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_idontwannabeme_,2019/03/25,"Nihilism I no longer see any point or meaning to life. Being a part of society doesn’t interest me and the more I see of this world the less I want to be a part of it. I’m only living to prevent others being sad about my death. I’m in so much fucking pain and I want it to end and I want to be selfish for once instead of trying to make everyone else happy but I don’t get to do that because society sees it as unfair to put my death on others. 

I’m so tired of trying to make everything better because I can’t and I can’t make myself better so I’m just in this limbo of life.",0.8638689217759001,2.187357782945739,3.710768146582101,89.3457716701903,79.69767441860466,6.241296687808315,21.804792107117688,6.980632752743323,0.5572728682170545,450,13,102,5,11,161,70,129,0.185,0.6970000000000001,0.118,-0.9198,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,0,4,0,9,5,0,3,0,15,25,10,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,3,12,4,21,21,5,7,0,1,3,1,0,5,1,1,1,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685100311443786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156498594637933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779301875998179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312585312265219,0.0,0.13916691391851768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014053520096504,0.14121463139816934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452603667866859,0.08209179995147972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672634470494863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219653461802361,0.0,0.0,0.13874505232441334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31464828400318084,0.0,0.0,0.17115617300191235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115505618921557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733396022262512,0.0,0.1195013307116097,0.1671930405528983,0.0,0.0,0.3403040854603855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485347673019479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795493245539566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756270081024058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059311303056733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335635023574048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780307883394094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,coolmistmama,2019/03/25,"Triggered by a fucking movie I don’t know where to put this. I saw Us last night and it has this character and her clone and that’s what it’s like living with my other. 

Like I’m being chased and she wants to kill me but it’s always and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been in a dissociative state for most of the day. 

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m dying already and can’t think clearly. And all of these suicides in the news and I just don’t know anymore. I can’t tell my friends",-1.3052591656131476,0.6186700353982353,1.0286536030341331,102.06373893805308,92.00884955752213,3.93653603034134,16.036030341340073,5.288315135182226,-1.0437757269279393,386,9,100,2,14,129,64,113,0.028,0.833,0.14,0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,2,24,22,9,3,1,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,2,13,4,11,19,2,8,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,6,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23363120721664665,0.0,0.17616266393103913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099629886002233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365377486189379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972527744910425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070487505802016,0.15124822844752125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356939169707801,0.1957257991466768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342297154066385,0.0,0.4654090012518903,0.17257482997590814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102976927892208,0.0,0.1869469755898504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867885899230325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283063004646985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315803010481823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850470061933321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565751756400274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546653768681903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248741585859266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nyeh_its_okeh,2019/03/25,Someone pls help me I just want to talk to someone right now please I'm so worried,0.33999999999999986,2.4711741111111145,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,85.66666666666667,3.6,25.66666666666667,3.1291,0.06646666666666734,66,3,15,0,2,21,15,18,0.118,0.522,0.36,0.4779,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484144011478615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068223041352693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31650188399288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.628039192022612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978850738777333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185974307448747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763759754627797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PossibleTurn,2019/03/25,"Too scared to voluntary commit myself I've been involuntary committed and experience abuse and now that I am encountering abusive behavior from my boyfriend and struggling to deal with life, I kind of want to go away in respite.

But the last time I was at the local respite center they didn't make enough food for me to have some, they allowed patients to have seconds. And when it came for my time for first helping, they had none and I went without.

My underwear has been stolen. It dreadfully boring and unhelpful. And patients and staff members can and sometime absolutely will be antagonistic or even abusive. 

This is coming from a person whose been hospitalized since 17 and over 4 times in three different states.

I'm scared. I can't be home without being yelled at. I can't go be hospitalized without being worried of that too.

I have no where to go, and legit considering running away even though that won't do any good.",5.223264119601328,7.395629017441863,5.392126245847177,78.28593023255816,69.87209302325581,8.40265780730897,31.471760797342192,9.04235418022936,2.845566777408638,749,33,132,15,14,236,111,172,0.203,0.747,0.05,-0.9843,2,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,8,7,0,4,3,0,23,2,0,2,2,25,32,15,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,7,14,1,0,0,0,0,7,9,5,0,3,8,1,15,2,24,17,3,25,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,7,100,22,1,0.0,0.4720457242309296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030986845332513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954357536490376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189003258232456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439710624466032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691296167184447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874975459738878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721989704567053,0.0,0.1754288486029196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299057732259988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296125641918185,0.1605846245990153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264231969397297,0.11138796070593177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901433638570526,0.0,0.13321116686723625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829277717023575,0.0,0.10825130028202608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380193274023317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886463215416526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595752553889385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659158049557702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985513136478002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313445075332602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883341482562733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047722495948985,0.0,0.2323136253969285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833002089839869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231087224325204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38404897326625415,0.0,0.0,0.13486680938195778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sirbawmba,2019/03/25,"If your considering suicide please read my story. This is how suicide has affected me and my family. I need to preface this with a bit of back story. My uncle Has a daughter (my cousin) and an ex husband (I’ll call her grace here) . My uncle and grace recently divorced but she stayed very close with my little cousin. Still family.

Last night she called to tell him that my cousin had left her wallet at her apartment and for my uncle to come get it. She walked in on his suicide. Saw him still alive. But by the time paramedics could be there it was too late. Nothing could be done. 

He will have to live with that trauma forever. She intended for him to find her and I don’t know how anyone can do that. 

When my little cousin found out, she was devastated. I have no idea how she’ll cope. She’s already an addict and self harmer. 

Not to mention Graces biological children. Her 2 kids will be heartbroken. 

I know she was mentally ill but the choices she made will impact my family for years. I can’t understand it. If your considering suicide please keep in mind the people in your life. I know most of the people here thinks no one loves them but I swear someone must. Grace had 3 kids, a loving family, an ex girlfriend, and many friends that tried to be there for her.

This is no ones fault but my family will think it’s theirs. No amount of therapy will be able to cover this up. There’s no bandaid, or prayer that can fix this. Time will help them but not heal them. 

I won’t judge her for what she did but I know if she took more time to consider who she would hurt she would have found another way. Suicide isn’t selfish. Suicide isn’t inconsiderate. But suicide won’t fix anything either. 

",1.9503001658374828,4.398657050746269,2.8331965174129365,91.32418946932009,81.4776119402985,6.110281923714759,20.94734660033168,7.3871296695380915,0.6422023217247093,1332,39,277,20,36,420,168,335,0.227,0.69,0.084,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,1,7,40.0,0,3,4,0,13,11,0,0,10,0,40,7,0,6,1,54,58,23,7,9,15,8,0,0,2,12,5,0,0,4,16,13,0,1,11,1,0,3,13,4,0,2,12,1,52,7,28,27,5,29,0,1,1,2,55,12,0,5,12,189,68,2,0.07926944462848512,0.0,0.0,0.08641539525453258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747580330714375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831209243231677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542703879062761,0.0,0.06523199873483376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060953309908499835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654170292814584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188593164182194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828360755112926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658040264486126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112016361827405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736408879791427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245083630336199,0.0,0.0,0.1738297090390085,0.06124337628360825,0.0,0.041415013092710666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053132637806294285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485957996444303,0.08948555427559751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045832459677072,0.0,0.0,0.17425765477097518,0.06461517732405353,0.08941938627490781,0.0,0.08612648352811376,0.0,0.05599035301708497,0.0,0.15889761669610997,0.06999637189050124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308753732591362,0.07500666516245992,0.0,0.08036677502197521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988495581315909,0.0,0.08003954189623788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877728877253593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438900392438727,0.0,0.07606117002977561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743005437922627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991090390299553,0.0,0.0,0.17402809206923026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929089606598015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826901343357368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269531877100209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716474319464473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449068083874968,0.1266093617536484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6069553453045538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928498854749901,0.0,0.0906515183332743,0.0,0.0,0.10158531871609124,0.0,0.0,0.13866795189257122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807126968337221,0.0538187495197374,0.0,0.0,0.0825222874453665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540559358632847,0.0,0.06292039545715487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262147822520192,0.0,0.0,0.05104692338991365
suicidewatch,captinmonch,2019/03/25,"What would hou write in a suicide note? I've never got this far before - planning and thinking about my own death in such detail and I started a note for my parents today - that they could find once I was gone and I couldn't find any words. 
I wonder anyone who has wrote one, or has thought about it before - what do you write? ",3.296363636363637,4.586252878787882,3.5034545454545487,93.45518181818184,73.24242424242425,5.28,22.29090909090909,3.1291,-0.16432363636363645,254,6,54,0,5,78,49,66,0.135,0.865,0.0,-0.8677,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,17,14,4,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,8,0,5,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394778775911795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685740066589844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102954624776709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924887753696841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406992698125933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281972164177896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859415658417157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567503513849998,0.16336714983735545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26769917146789424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064299472486852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637106279161798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447915464498074,0.0,0.1913965692163504,0.0,0.0,0.22852278897595196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26144914236360856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126166429343975,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweeetie_bug,2019/03/25,"Its too much Hey there,

It's been a while and I wish I could be stronger.  Everything seems pointless.  I worked hard for nothing, my mental health is shit and when I try to fix it or get help I just get back to this place of why.  Why do I get up in the morning? Why do I go to a job to help people when I can't even help myself? Why do I try when I know my heart breaks?  I wish that I could wake up with amnesia or I wish I could hit reset on the save file I had.   

I want more than this and yet I am tired of waiting for that to happen. I'm over it. 

Can someone tell me how to keep going? 

What are your reasons to stay?",-1.0184761904761892,0.6846322000000029,1.1985714285714302,103.09309523809526,87.71428571428572,4.3047619047619055,15.761904761904766,5.2151,-1.1472523809523811,468,9,126,2,15,156,88,140,0.057,0.767,0.17600000000000002,0.9367,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,10,2,1,0,4,0,14,5,3,2,0,21,30,10,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,22,1,18,23,2,16,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,3,6,85,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915541725315932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308870822417157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517096908825716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589291169238047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021148438001462,0.0,0.1465717355763506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140310100459802,0.0,0.11551483492232642,0.0,0.0,0.13706896305060814,0.0,0.1528076451401012,0.25929956286308725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796404478670748,0.11461764069644245,0.0,0.0,0.0708681386388648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995235431504287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479387766771663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373203460792198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939843917855618,0.0,0.1347264278814949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258318220949378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739221591584803,0.0,0.0,0.13236642574848675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092598276642168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374446888142079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127089235862747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821029162120486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509863115501376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605868523620946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654331537108761,0.0,0.4448621180962267,0.0,0.0,0.09387791863941644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ilurkthecorners,2019/03/25,Cat dead Dog Dead GF Gone NO Job gonna say cya soon if i cant fucking get a job in the next two weeks. Got all the shit set aside for now. fuck the stupid call center bullshit suicide hotline fucking crap. If i cant find a job soon Im fucking out. Failed twice so gonna make sure i cant fail this time.,-0.4601242236024845,1.2231673768115954,1.2513871635610772,103.64739130434783,85.3768115942029,3.942857142857144,18.552795031055894,3.1291,-1.03732049689441,235,6,62,0,7,76,50,69,0.375,0.519,0.106,-0.9771,3,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,7,0,5,0,3,6,2,1,2,7,13,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,9,0,2,2,1,3,1,3,9,1,11,0,2,0,4,3,3,6,2,6,25,4,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568838777398466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572560443507516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6362519066998746,0.08989214573623977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760888104531502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858499782579308,0.0,0.5122170203840016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148486995371408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298348164466924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368258173652641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661298611595874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882013111434762,0.0,0.16216072050426167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032722282431482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680736871392948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801292511461244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rn110bg101,2019/03/25,"i don't even have anything i could use to leave. there's nothing. no building to jump, no rope, no gun, no water deep enough to drown myself, nothing.

even if i wished to try, or if i did try, i couldn't leave.

i'm nothing but a failure and a recluse. the only people that have tried to care for me only ended up being dragged down along. i feel lonely, but can never hope for someone, because i either push them away or actively hurt them

i'm so tired of this life, but i'm too useless to even want to try to end it",1.7227474747474751,3.052788527272728,3.2293939393939404,93.67853535353537,77.36363636363637,5.252525252525253,23.131313131313128,5.033348758259628,0.08391919191919195,398,12,90,1,9,131,71,110,0.223,0.629,0.147,-0.8832,0,2,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,1,1,18,17,9,1,7,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,1,1,11,2,15,13,2,9,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,5,3,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605476046414035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391841988958162,0.0,0.0,0.09337760421441717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617805180439193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230241786483785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713454746111618,0.15827673167979647,0.0,0.30352345465590785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745282359745084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214311435673325,0.0,0.0,0.16398323266144654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243927350841421,0.0,0.0,0.1081961410773456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814248929757265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44094337539924455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330018277016092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619629118071784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297896090759424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605881522772662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159988785115894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229904358751365,0.0,0.0,0.09035001459068556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615037974081987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,why-am-i-still-alive,2019/03/25,"I want to die I’m very lonely and I’m frankly sick of it. Life is so fucking stressful. Sure I have straight A’s but I still feel like I’m not good enough. So people looking at this post, how should I commit suicide?",-1.8829314420803769,-0.3240104042553167,0.0041134751773057605,104.33444444444449,110.48936170212768,2.088888888888889,17.988179669030735,3.1291,-1.1290784869976358,169,6,40,0,9,54,38,47,0.322,0.4920000000000001,0.18600000000000005,-0.8664,0,2,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,9,10,5,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,3,3,9,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950491180751739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937485428577328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437460442258575,0.20309750854318695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628223984660215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384497573145076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080310255962205,0.1388901960683269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23873279403780595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709154630726627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722721408805567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270351166161461,0.0,0.3256543179907028,0.0,0.0,0.31096815250888205,0.0,0.26794085205004914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345698037103081,0.16768216560650998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bdeslaur,2019/03/25,"I had a friend. Now I don’t. Now I die. My friend Matt is 10yrs older than me. He has taught me to be myself and to love myself. He always tells me that he loves me and that things will be ok. 

Today, I have no emotions. I felt safe around him. He was kind and always asked how I was doing. We would go out many days each week and go exploring. 

And then one night he send me some concerning texts so I asked for a welfare check. He immediately texted me that I’m a complete failure in life because I asked for the cops to check on him.

He meant everything to me. I would’ve died for him. And he loved being around me.

And he’s been out of my contact for a couple days now. He told me to “fuck my worry and anxiety”

Every friendship since my head injury has resulted like this. So I give up.

It’s my time now",-0.3842386489479529,1.7474220988372091,1.6682392026578086,97.69027131782947,89.63953488372093,4.671539313399778,15.748615725359912,6.18269132825596,-0.6449709856035435,619,13,147,6,21,205,101,172,0.125,0.7070000000000001,0.168,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,9,10,1,0,5,1,15,6,1,2,0,22,30,12,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,14,0,1,3,0,2,4,2,1,0,1,8,1,30,9,18,17,2,23,0,0,0,4,27,7,1,1,13,94,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961999582218984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105553940388629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456620179975145,0.38697662194509697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411102296293885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466888134099767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267169314089607,0.0,0.17797072641751568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864018751989544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520836678329633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625368036843806,0.0,0.12400707828265692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248195877181965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320523997539004,0.12755982504881952,0.0,0.13236250992439028,0.15683386000246985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160677483145084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368441714814306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974590019011529,0.0674098144407677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37359565945285933,0.0,0.0,0.13988955699683128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294844144433148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349848062925356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413806884108435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206001653269022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166744922877544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045695647488456,0.0,0.13078843316837604,0.1318453259249696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067883268694187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401248806712591,0.0,0.1960333569804674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kizmaus,2019/03/25,"I'm in a dissociative state after a trauma with suicidal thoughts. Detached from reality?? I seem to be in a dissociative state where I feel detached from reality since a traumatic thing that happened last week. Before the trauma I was okay, some anxiety problems but very functional, very creative, sensitive and emotional. Since last week I don't care about anything, (going to work, eating, drinking etc) I spent 11 hours sat on my bed just staring at the wall 4days ago. Some friends are looking after me but I don't know what I would have done if they hadn't been there.  I feel incapable of doing anything, I feel limp. Sometimes I cry and then suddenly I'm back to spacing out completely. I've been thinking about death so much . I've tried writing about it but it's just pages of dark thoughts or weirdly detached analysis of my state. I can't seem to do anything, I don't want to and I can't see the point in life. I just needed to share this somewhere",3.802277027027028,5.9224915891891925,4.482618243243245,83.51852195945949,73.64864864864866,7.652027027027027,30.48141891891892,8.472884824447931,2.4310608108108114,764,35,144,14,16,244,112,185,0.198,0.723,0.08,-0.9531,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,0,0,7,1,16,3,0,0,0,29,36,10,2,5,8,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,9,1,1,1,6,4,0,0,9,7,18,4,23,25,5,25,0,0,3,0,4,10,0,6,11,90,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650436947627935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917324707102397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523160847834876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973567123527728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143624137706728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455030060962781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962938823485955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567609341180623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460425302371559,0.0,0.1398020942425085,0.0,0.1460286099118298,0.0,0.1605302588604102,0.0,0.0,0.1591600846654276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647635888406425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025788452317074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110574405897088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619854543180378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054123106834487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843003416419726,0.23265643379450698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008007437209437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198409929071915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490873905863378,0.10581812942605304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490768059169056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365548065945612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372190127868055,0.2598368090859248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23610342814145874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114446958868507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610227455084275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481060627559232,0.09144321410678098,0.0,0.22659261048361404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689115508997292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355024436084524,0.08417443150240171,0.0,0.2289477304584967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038950437752192,0.0,0.0,0.10137754231151533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,istodayreal,2019/03/25,"the unknowns about what happens ""after"" I want to be convinced that suicide will bring resolution but for me, resolution specifically means an end to all awareness and being. I want no signs that I have ever existed. But, my fear is that there is, in fact, an afterlife where we continue ""existing"" in perpetuity or worse yet, we end up reincarnating back into the physical world we thought we had just left behind. 

Frieda Kahlo had said something to the effect that it would be a horror to die only to find yourself reincarnating back into the same existence. 

Not that I'm religious but I do understand that there is a possibility that some religious explanations of the afterlife are accurate. Then there's actual accounts of individuals who have experienced minutes of clinical death and reported either lights or just an overall feeling of peace accompanied by absence of feeling. 

A peaceful existence independent of feeling is not really what I want. I just want the lights to go out. The fact that we have no way of knowing what we're signing up for with a big decision as suicide is very frustrating. How do the rest of you reconcile with the fact that there are no guarantees that come with death?",8.808611111111112,9.069230787037043,9.075370370370372,62.05666666666667,60.574074074074076,13.125925925925927,40.68518518518519,12.45797560212912,5.597007407407408,974,49,155,32,12,323,124,216,0.202,0.713,0.085,-0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,2,19.0,5,1,0,1,14,3,1,1,16,0,19,1,0,3,5,52,36,10,5,5,11,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,15,14,0,0,11,0,1,3,5,2,0,0,4,7,14,1,31,27,5,24,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,3,9,126,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.16276307776060012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565025829998168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436749024761986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310179095603698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29545304520903315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087119429092466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768523281780047,0.2530022580037189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244312966930254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479065746380634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749193452635098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166347697800016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121793158415264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168331500599008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268513868387896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803077698660206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685000891324588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865557957233276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284031675453123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364882596367312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241270870140198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363437618535404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761930010621148,0.3935084892608053,0.13239021787625327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997336109519612,0.1184829015413057,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rayian-The-Trap-Lord,2019/03/25,"I thought a lot about suicide today. It’s getting worse and I don’t know what to do. Maybe isolating myself will help. I don’t wanna die,but I do at the same time. Family doesn’t help at all.",-1.2207142857142872,0.8319131190476199,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,96.38095238095238,4.704761904761905,16.523809523809526,6.42735559955562,-0.2729333333333326,149,4,35,2,6,51,32,42,0.185,0.6829999999999999,0.132,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,7,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32537990377026965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29555479507619903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379906618219853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202860656827745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230008513271164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665399226558482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31496876158301035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34293540071920764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889652601090176,0.18281358484305266,0.0,0.2971763209932077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31949938571525444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kinoshitatwins,2019/03/25,"Overdoes Hi guys, can you please tell me the thing I can overdose on and how much do I need of it to overdose? (please I am not asking for help just please give me a way I have dealt with depression for 7-8 years it's not getting better I have tried a lot of things hagging myself, drinking chemicals etc...)",2.738095238095241,4.1571005873015885,3.5589206349206366,91.98885714285716,74.87301587301587,6.309841269841268,25.29841269841269,6.742157984588678,0.7939422222222219,239,8,52,2,5,76,48,63,0.135,0.7909999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.5809,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,7,10,3,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911595310425936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808443668317696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611678930178826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031080770011514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280472641393133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683142923417632,0.1961541386990316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024655835674752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705743912531335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384006849964376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031501759324778,0.15161800750909604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6733670382175353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872297503403728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716924839288549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882728753263734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230529155260667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316772681332755
suicidewatch,loveslost98,2019/03/25,"Typical rant. I'm guessing no one will read this, and I'm ok with that. I am so lost. My husband no longer loves me. He refuses to admit it. He hasn't touched me in 6 months. He doesn't want to be alone with me. He is literally torturing me with his words by saying there is nothing wrong. We are in so much debt. I know that is why he is upset. I am not working. I'm a loser. I am in so much pain all the time. My back hurts all the time. Anyway I have put a plan into action a slow plan I am hoping one that they will attribute to ignorance rather than a plan of some sort. I took a very large dose of acetaminophen a couple days ago about 10,000 mg and I have been taking about 3,000 mg / twice a day since. This way I can just say that I was in pain. And I didn't know there was a difference between Tylenol and ibuprofen. I know it will be slow going but I will wait until the last minute to say anything about the pain. I can't handle it anymore. I  tired of the pain. I want out. ",-0.2974295774647864,1.7071433474178406,1.6656161971831018,98.92828345070423,87.3568075117371,4.676760563380283,17.325704225352112,5.985473137389443,-0.574761971830986,755,18,184,6,24,249,119,213,0.188,0.76,0.052000000000000005,-0.9752,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,6,12,14,1,1,13,1,25,9,0,1,2,31,42,9,0,4,4,1,1,0,0,4,8,3,0,0,9,10,0,3,4,1,1,4,7,11,0,3,6,4,25,3,23,30,5,22,0,3,0,1,15,6,0,4,11,120,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547324301597575,0.0,0.0,0.13491663311945046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918919719792718,0.0,0.0,0.10719809137836199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016676802968784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413721805197946,0.0,0.16802201425012692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610059059727453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403335815581608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350305045598485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938385996172935,0.0,0.0,0.1394528020571002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477290702970891,0.10618444655313236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220108895150316,0.0,0.11757045007711245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397734295570507,0.0,0.19152148451423592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499405833540715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654367502887838,0.0,0.5544502445181702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095364291648892,0.0,0.0,0.13030158337635375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107790458469797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775765551638042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979440694107074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519186908933627,0.1497219850583665,0.0,0.0,0.14473068736869754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748336604592186,0.15366891475524888,0.1033993505119593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175451025082493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483544076523688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242578389695615,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,infpmmxix,2019/03/25,"Voluntary euthanasia I wish society had a voluntary euthanasia program for anyone seeking to end their lives. Without this option, people have no choice except to suffer indefinitely or resort to unreliable and painful suicide methods.

Society facilitates to end the lives of suffering animals with kindness. Please can we have provision for those people who would like to end their lives with minimal trauma or suffering to themselves and others?",12.12274647887324,13.339413633802815,11.109964788732398,47.024383802816935,53.507042253521135,14.987323943661973,48.735915492957744,13.816669648895859,8.038856338028168,372,22,41,14,4,119,51,71,0.244,0.64,0.116,-0.9118,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,1,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,6,4,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,4,2,13,4,0,3,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,4,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424255786233676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412296643452439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121129737205581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951320040669456,0.0,0.5395890156986057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167417304189791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824275737430972,0.0,0.0,0.22359170046327626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22280504280872607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234234754392054,0.19635098675123244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469633911198299,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sweetFLUFFYpanda,2019/03/25,"I want to go back to school IAM in my 20s working a job I like my life but I used to love my life when I was in school God please please send me back to school I don't want money or hot girls I only have one wish I want to be in school forever not wanna get out, outside world is so cruel and competitive everyone is in a hurry life is race out her God I hate everyone, I don't know y I just don't feel like living anymore, I have everything in my life , good job great gf great family, but I miss those days of being in my 13s , why do we have to grow up? I hate growing up, now I have responsibilities and stuff to think about earlier I was stress free now IAM depressed and tired I enjoyed my life in my school days I had very little money in school but I was happy , now I have money but no happiness, please God I want to be 13 again, now due to stress and thinking about future it scares me , IAM so scared that I don't want to face it anymore I feel suicidal all the time, IAM alive due to my girlfriend she means the world to me , thank you slatika fluffyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for being in my life and taking care of me panda loves you a lot:),😘😘😘",1.570802721088434,3.0946003387755137,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,78.26530612244899,6.299319727891157,19.829931972789115,7.07126945348624,0.12138095238095215,893,20,210,10,21,294,120,245,0.16399999999999998,0.544,0.293,0.9881,2,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,2,0,1,13,22,3,4,5,0,21,10,1,1,1,30,44,13,1,7,7,0,3,2,2,0,7,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,0,4,4,6,9,0,1,4,3,40,14,31,36,1,34,0,2,0,2,11,16,0,1,16,127,45,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802098990570594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027497565619522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636845413946931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926310315639116,0.0,0.07296141282013485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188987635452118,0.07613273519339357,0.0,0.07985793988663148,0.0,0.08566479816545801,0.06051751605046893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425797245919141,0.0,0.04814318222105753,0.0710515216017169,0.0,0.18678823188749968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035275234118314,0.0,0.1672690408981645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812508364413578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655492000203256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590030740200393,0.08277097764624163,0.08490262127679196,0.07480131643175493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201821616648245,0.15290987043870855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922750529945311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057402328684064585,0.06442649091135946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278961538247633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962086782370456,0.5143919931886538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407220263084787,0.0,0.09697376513528964,0.09266002471241164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369208825010128,0.0,0.0,0.07799045690276875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855870618537287,0.0,0.0,0.04939563327027802,0.09736276982050046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316305810431742,0.0,0.06989540129181519,0.249823550797314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643845193861384,0.0,0.09741340616381844,0.0,0.0,0.061670576879220285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phleb-,2019/03/25,How to fix a suicidal watch My watch keeps trying to hang itself,3.91,5.442655384615384,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,72.07692307692308,8.276923076923078,20.69230769230769,8.841846274778883,1.2693692307692306,52,1,10,1,1,17,11,13,0.29,0.71,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5681551287016414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6991869597102491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339785076488923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oddball667,2019/03/25,"Working hard and accomplishing nothing I'm currently at work doing my best and getting a lot done, but i don't have anything to gain. I'm just going to go home, be alone and eventually kill myself because i never found anything worth living for.",10.162127659574473,7.710598936170218,10.14521276595745,64.18250000000003,59.63829787234043,11.953191489361705,42.64893617021277,10.125756701596842,4.476965957446809,198,9,33,3,2,66,39,47,0.225,0.643,0.132,-0.6186,1,1,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,11,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,8,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,22,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494434739850621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963909223010661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681728211028716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252752666721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464687354175012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640748406675129,0.0,0.0,0.1258319195741883,0.0,0.2737562837462293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575040918733304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24158783963805044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664600443859837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267113494552428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475837190447949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575502473359928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310979114863526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506770255738742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,roughregion,2019/03/25,"How do you put off killing yourself? I’ve been pretty suicidal for a long time and I know for sure that it’s going to be the way I die, barring some freak accident. But for the next couple years I’m going to have too many people around me that I don’t want to hurt, I made the mistake of making friends. Ideally I’d like to wait until my dad dies, but that could be a long time, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep at this. If I need to make it a few more years, what can I do? I already use most easily attainable drugs which makes it a little easier, and I keep volunteering and donating blood so there’s some actual purpose to my time here. Any other recommendations? What keeps you here in spite of all this suffering?",3.894473684210524,4.37947213157895,5.1656315789473695,85.1004210526316,71.10526315789474,8.974736842105264,25.068421052631567,9.120678840339163,1.6145321052631585,572,15,127,11,10,191,98,152,0.16699999999999998,0.723,0.11,-0.8978,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,2,8,10,2,0,7,0,11,3,1,7,2,31,27,11,4,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,12,5,1,4,2,1,1,3,2,6,0,0,2,0,15,4,16,22,7,18,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,4,10,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1421893140344479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079163757260184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908596592744463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971039582517796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633542909233505,0.16122236485744487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024423628849736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897421822177866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257310468519267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561764187670824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598268675849528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38853405047649897,0.1612035479210347,0.0,0.16015385175604335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118523070751817,0.14603700125646413,0.0,0.2578927648012235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787177784450064,0.2917822784918281,0.14772434060239106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071116366463324,0.10804012259973088,0.0,0.0,0.1549613750259402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010151010765526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482367149153301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647608912557186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938014565222094,0.0,0.1373274133745811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25488930905107143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584433139554385,0.0,0.0,0.0859419453793811,0.11565567893956585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876614582454955
suicidewatch,AnarchistWaffles,2019/03/25,"Is there a ""normal"" amount of time to spend thinking about suicide? I'm relatively concerned that my world view has become tainted by the depression memes that the internet has to offer. I understand that there are points where it flashes through everyone's mind occasionally but is the constant thought there as much as memes make it out to be for everyone?",10.726041666666667,9.639112437500003,9.32375,66.21291666666669,57.4375,12.908333333333333,44.77083333333333,11.855464076750405,5.3956833333333325,292,15,48,7,3,90,49,64,0.086,0.914,0.0,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,11,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,11,9,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920379696378668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857507895775998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774990377804435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053411431776267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650654582190398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669950886428341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438368669437026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908153890069785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24996823479255406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892393512766404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943363575578005,0.0,0.20992487088653752,0.15418904718984291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27527700595848464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,funkyskeleton,2019/03/25,On the verge of fucking killing myself Convince me why I should live in this goddamn painful hell.,8.503333333333334,8.68812933333334,5.852222222222222,85.165,61.22222222222222,7.2,45.77777777777778,3.1291,3.1940444444444456,80,5,14,0,1,22,18,18,0.526,0.399,0.075,-0.9388,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217529936464117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047218307672657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028362482202735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854329293659327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41165290488985146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RetroGamer13,2019/03/25,"I dont know if my friend wants to die or just attention grabbing. This seems bad but hear me out. My friend has only started feeling suicidal in the last couple days. Hes been saying to people ‘i hope youll miss me’ and stuff like that. He wrote a suicide note in public (which most people dont do) he has done attention stunts that are very stupid and often get him made fun of
Once he went into school wearing bright blue gloves because hes a germaphobe and if anyone could tell you, thats a bit dumb, (espacially in an all boys school) anyway. He has done a lot of attention grabbing stuff and idk if this is one of them",3.0924409448818926,4.5555282047244114,3.8574881889763795,90.02638976377955,74.03937007874016,6.654803149606299,22.936220472440944,7.1686216300943375,0.6600935433070863,490,13,104,5,10,156,87,127,0.195,0.653,0.152,-0.8243,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,1,0,3,10,2,0,6,0,15,1,1,1,1,27,27,9,3,6,6,0,3,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,8,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,6,7,11,6,10,19,4,9,0,1,2,0,18,5,1,9,4,63,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241011625460182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229022598655374,0.08928229464491177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989932082103708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693853788023885,0.16205817752269047,0.0,0.09445631663033596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200514574430551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997643593452992,0.34330635699213913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405593531430853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263134174899921,0.0,0.07652070899063687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650740929571504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454704956126417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049206250563512,0.1193866381093224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155427080599573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451733902590227,0.0,0.13858653586336642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559779817474388,0.09924690727005896,0.11139147340881413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030775717402652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164730073719049,0.0,0.2964561172505625,0.0,0.13333412959136826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036670437759676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353294717007665,0.3204128156851952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801484413863248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084705567943432,0.08638748757501535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357723782980988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,for_get,2019/03/25,"I didn't expect myself to be living so long When I was 12-13 I was thinking I won't stay alive for my 20th birth, and I've reached it... Actually I have no idea about my future, in less than 5 month I'm going to finish the study and start ""new life"" but... The only thing I want is death. Not brave enough to do it by myself so I'm waiting for fate to end it all... Few years ago I had some interests though, I've been playing computer games and didn't think about problems I have, but now they're all gone, and the only things I do is read some stuff like Nietzsche and Schopenhauer and listening depressed music and looking at the walls in my room...

P.S. sorry about my English",4.040780141843971,4.32881165957447,4.830638297872341,88.33333333333334,70.70212765957447,7.685106382978723,25.59574468085107,7.3871296695380915,1.005034042553191,528,14,117,5,9,171,93,141,0.101,0.8240000000000001,0.076,-0.6487,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,14,1,0,0,2,21,25,13,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,6,7,0,1,3,3,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,2,15,4,14,16,7,20,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,2,13,76,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.19890154693653025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067651970074008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755521871214961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052640853112065,0.21060332747500446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583713372889913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300910114131812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396599606910265,0.09957747249085767,0.0,0.17997917243644473,0.1803766696921926,0.17115972836031138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268932925325366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685322734090244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31003268579610377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503079068378934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387785066951225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281628180001363,0.1442667514256182,0.2172478716430948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333282197382059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27082148140034323,0.2612027038032193,0.20025476135598266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021990540408943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125513193048813
suicidewatch,sleepybugeyes,2019/03/25,"I think I am nearing the end I was going to write my entire story of why, but I don't have the energy.

I am tired.

I have tried so hard.

Maybe it won't be for 10 years, but I am nearing the end I think.

​

That's all.

I had to put it somewhere.

​

Take care. ",-1.0125292740046845,0.8532623606557372,1.542997658079628,99.52114754098362,89.32786885245899,4.141451990632318,16.911007025761126,5.288315135182226,-0.8251845433255274,208,5,52,1,7,71,40,61,0.145,0.78,0.075,-0.4714,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,0,1,6,15,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,10,1,6,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40206192407509933,0.4508993391837642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891689366336079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286642028088844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544584452338364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662061143707886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863984306792538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651750798174468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950191335819598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377712466434269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324929128527728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596850930656478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741969988019947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508993391837642,0.11948075534076832
suicidewatch,plskillmepainfully,2019/03/25,"I'm so lonely hello there, i'm a 19 years old depressed borderline (officially diagnosed). i'm on 3 kind of medications (lorazepam, sertraline, aripiprazole) since months and i'm on therapy since 1 year. the last few months were okay but now i'm feeling bad again and i don't know what could i do with this feeling... i mean what more i could do?? i have an extremely healthy lifestyle but my mind is keep trying to kill me because i'm lonely. i mean not really but i feel lonely and that's why i'm suicidal.

i have people to talk to and they understand my pain but it just doesn't help. i can't describe this loneliness but i can't cure myself with friends and with love and affection. this loneliness stays with me and time to time it tries to murder me. 

the worst is that my doctor said that she will send me into the hospital again if my suicidal feelings won't go away soon. and that's bad because hospital is a boring place. ",2.053993808049537,4.366532187165781,3.5821108922037723,86.91050379960598,80.06951871657753,7.573205741626794,24.280607936954688,8.532816995589336,1.7793700534759367,737,27,150,17,19,243,105,187,0.311,0.595,0.094,-0.9953,0,6,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,15,2,0,6,1,16,5,0,1,0,34,35,15,4,3,8,0,4,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,11,13,0,1,8,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,2,5,21,4,14,29,3,20,0,4,0,1,9,5,0,1,12,93,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943392572906934,0.0,0.2300545717049033,0.16795945783618538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199868798246718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865603475385182,0.13982768196535394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100741446354578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786307138366485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643621743216372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829452421467331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234038574402964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245107980265035,0.15241558741176245,0.14346013134535288,0.07571155755086373,0.1122961449942384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433749703908795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001310273972945,0.0,0.13878285745621888,0.0,0.0,0.13910248914083606,0.0,0.2199240125968349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456026960054255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659073685369856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550829474040587,0.0,0.14393418388130372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825522297269082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310452258584876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791980748426635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468382219017478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30138317468366044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072958130509516,0.0,0.0,0.1575452775692022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066273257222802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706558891473435,0.0,0.0,0.1434173075119211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431069053059535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774311531098933
suicidewatch,whywhywhyew,2019/03/25,the worst feeling when someone looks at you with disgust its not a nice feeling but when it's your own mother it literally kills me inside.,5.032222222222224,6.615810925925927,5.408333333333335,80.33250000000002,69.37037037037037,6.881481481481483,32.01851851851852,7.1686216300943375,2.0784962962962954,113,5,20,1,2,36,24,27,0.34700000000000003,0.5770000000000001,0.076,-0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278914448550367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5775306214403533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383598875976146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423003647895711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awakeanddrowning,2019/03/25,"Contagious suicide? Two weeks ago my little cousin brought a gun to school and shot and killed herself in her high school auditorium. She had a history of self harm and her boyfriend recently dumped her and I guess that set her over the edge. This happened in Florida and recently it was surfaced that two Parkland survivors have killed themselves recently. 


I’ve always had the thought of suicide in the back of my head but have always been to prideful to ever get help. I’m afraid of getting locked away in a psych asylum or being tranquilized with mood elevators. 


My life sucks but so does everyone’s. Each day I’m understanding more and more how the real world works. That you can get away with literally anything if you have enough money. Innocent people are suffering at the hands of the wealthy every single day and nothing is being done about it. I doubt society will ever see a change in my lifetime so I’m slowly giving up. What’s the point of suffering through this if it’s not gonna get any better? 


I envy my late cousin and the Parkland survivors. ",4.95525,6.9685766250000025,5.1560000000000015,80.36050000000002,70.25,8.200000000000001,30.5,8.841846274778883,2.6124,855,36,152,16,16,269,124,200,0.17,0.752,0.078,-0.9454,1,0,0,1,0,2,13.0,0,2,0,3,7,13,4,2,12,0,14,3,2,1,2,25,30,16,4,2,6,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,11,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,9,0,2,7,2,16,3,23,19,5,28,0,2,1,0,13,15,1,5,11,101,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796768160094013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269345767474525,0.0,0.0,0.08282766316234907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023040053154318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288687998182053,0.0936561010599515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772153414653188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884745103264458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710087343781035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658733994634724,0.12464291526149646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585117890571512,0.0,0.0,0.22034878018451,0.10262111693243144,0.11638439803247863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545403133928409,0.11684093411384765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341755999548039,0.0,0.10770666996002567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500116428441335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163946639547749,0.1286875894114923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695056367024993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739485337635082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603040865905832,0.0,0.12207484113509215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686966036365233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444026041393125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513965536483832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863420587122458,0.0,0.0,0.36078618091461206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24653467665013498,0.09705822873266376,0.0,0.12706317579190002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26645721006574713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966949952918742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379603281640163,0.12679730935503888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097700007390005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867130086239389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,previous-curve,2019/03/25,"Scared myself today I'm a 20 year old who lives a decent life, is attending college, and just started a new job as a bank teller. I don't really want to die but I have struggled with suicidal ideation since I was in elementary school. Often, when I have an episode of depression I ponder all the ways I could end it which bums we out even more. I'm also on the autism spectrum so I have a hard time managing my emotions and expressing them to other people. I also have serious social anxiety and have a hard time engaging in meaningful conversations and forming/maintaining new relationships. I don't cut, but I have hurt myself in impulsive rage. None of my friends or family seem to fully understand the extent of emotional pain I am in on a daily basis. My mother is long dead, my relationship with my father doesn't exist, and my stepmother is a toxic and unreasonable alcoholic. The only person in my household I can connect with is my younger brother, but he is going away to college leaving me in a toxic cesspool that is my household. 

Most days I have to force myself to study or do homework which I often procrastinate on. I don't even do anything else to fill the time. I just scroll through Reddit on my phone and rack up the screen time. Sometimes I just curl up on the bed with the shades down and wallow is self pity. Only recent I have made an effort to stop self medicating with weed which has helped but not by much. Also for ten years I had an abusive friend who was manipulative and often criticized me for my social performance. He acted like a crazy, possessive girlfriend and would force me to go to parties and inform me of all the shit people would say about me. On night he even went on a tirade at me and predicted that I would one day kill myself. My other friend, who was there, watched it happen and did nothing. While he is no longer in my life I feel like I will be the victim of the fulfilling prophecy. 

Today I scared myself by drafting a suicide note and am now concerned that my suicidal ideation is getting out of control. Often, I think about killing myself over trivial things that cause me anxiety. In this case it is passing in a garbage paper I know I'm going to fail. While I live in a constant state of anxiety, paranoia, and self loathing, but I don't want to die. I want live and experience life, just not the life I am living. While I know I'm not suppose to be guilty about it, I always feel bad about how materially well off I am but how mentally broken I am at the same time. Really, everything in my life is going relatively well, I have decent grades and am transferring from community college to a four year school, I have money in the bank and a relatively new car, and I just started a new job as a bank teller. When I am not thinking about dying, I am thinking about all the possibilities in life and all of the things I want to do. I don't want to end when there is a possibility it can all get better. To make things worse the one friend I hang out with on a frequent basis is going through his own problems and has chosen to cut himself off from people and as much as I try to reach out to him I get nothing back. I do have a therapist that I see every week and she's great, but there hasn't been much reduction in my suicidal thoughts. I'm trying to ride it out but the loneliness and isolation is getting to me and I'm afraid I will impulsively end my life. ",5.624354577223762,5.874644924667656,6.501750189141482,77.85828295565086,67.25701624815362,9.559087797672658,31.135533378967466,9.437772892022268,2.6709350362070827,2702,99,526,50,41,898,285,677,0.224,0.701,0.075,-0.9989,2,1,1,0,0,8,54.0,1,0,1,5,34,30,7,4,42,0,62,11,1,7,5,98,99,51,10,10,19,3,4,2,5,5,10,1,2,4,23,37,1,2,13,0,4,13,13,19,2,4,9,8,83,11,90,82,14,88,0,4,3,0,35,36,1,8,39,388,106,14,0.0,0.07022738410915334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633435224563951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421988975820358,0.04931888106360583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602828133102834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877563646583016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568780189993601,0.045576351225590686,0.049489472497704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242108543125318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060888459964578916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405175300158608,0.06647835734644035,0.047323704798633084,0.0,0.0,0.0764508078450263,0.0,0.05105070962180059,0.0,0.18454429417726576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951397858885067,0.1333455817565549,0.15749165098029644,0.0,0.0,0.11744538348760733,0.0,0.04993904311136108,0.0,0.053269666894372375,0.05797918823988173,0.055876172658523016,0.0,0.05993920028297595,0.042343781726668535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317296513891246,0.0,0.12386826477901268,0.0,0.168427633240566,0.0,0.0,0.06534736251863517,0.0,0.0,0.05241385199555361,0.0,0.10619177114134593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03972863435696837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634516817400301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763622020884335,0.0,0.13115091720257346,0.0,0.06514845616679292,0.0,0.0,0.06276027204510687,0.0,0.0,0.2930579485720329,0.057914409570818115,0.0,0.2093523212824696,0.052453672825110674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608440494595426,0.03956438298161741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059710097098547965,0.05973202782993774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071476624183762,0.0,0.0,0.22898027331643905,0.0,0.05562256381596328,0.0,0.11374577049582064,0.0,0.06219577758127416,0.0,0.08032820363524094,0.09015774098496432,0.06306936816056896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327479756205645,0.05175384460669128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336400847576371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056715102362226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594205840322582,0.0,0.05852374631802543,0.1272714505640736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713530986270771,0.11868281238485145,0.11997244050445212,0.04723194615182599,0.05395881548328208,0.18550022461506066,0.0,0.06084164514165145,0.0490302407841008,0.0,0.0,0.1208402601334073,0.0,0.0,0.058621320187957376,0.0,0.08390576222229132,0.0,0.0,0.04955387409182199,0.0,0.061963748740842324,0.0,0.2593348912693629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881912161344196,0.118132639356521,0.113936917587863,0.0,0.04705518399018413,0.17280929968299746,0.0,0.11236546114949723,0.0,0.0,0.08048331532170314,0.0,0.0,0.06170402825039535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748001999341938,0.04704719148005542,0.04754425820800852,0.0,0.1065849227538888,0.05494554718110042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060403022173654626,0.12631494634603704,0.0,0.0,0.1145072767777666
suicidewatch,FuzzyGrapefruit0,2019/03/25,"I fucked up so so bad I kissed someone else, not with tongue or anything and only for 0,5 seconds but still a kiss. I feel so fucking bad. I was really drunk but that's no excuse, that makes it even worse.

Me and my girlfriend have had a bit of a rough period in the past few months, lots of arguments and I have been thinking about breaking up with her but when I picture my future all I see is her. 

So my drunk stupid fucking ass decided that I would break up with her tomorrow and therefor I could kiss someone else which was fucking stupid.

I don't know what to do, has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? I just feel dying",2.041386768447836,3.975974557251909,3.2598664122137437,91.1347360050891,78.23664122137404,6.198727735368958,23.13040712468193,7.1686216300943375,0.7497323155216291,501,16,107,6,12,162,84,131,0.279,0.63,0.091,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,6,0,5,0,13,10,1,2,2,25,23,13,1,2,6,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,5,2,0,0,3,8,0,1,5,4,18,4,13,16,4,15,0,0,1,8,5,5,5,2,9,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821320896586452,0.1585719874836555,0.12735596316120004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584396593451009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896005248631066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356488693301652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061855216941118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878514494143232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022188604576463,0.13999111538500886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650466372690428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5723000074658612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850531636773171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560890996236258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157314258275618,0.0,0.0,0.10330485600187686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352957490938288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177034967818611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773786822254678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914451858729137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332529988322635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173959004698269,0.0,0.0,0.26225872963971925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359315615106445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916525906799087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771572908458575,0.1099385049530114,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AppropriateResponse1,2019/03/25,"My note, sort of. New account because I don't want the friends linked to my old one to see this for obvious reasons.

I have just been writing down my thoughts the past months/weeks, I call it the logical choice, thought it would be of help to someone to post it here (I guess).

​

//note

In this document I will simply be writing down my reasoning and thought patterns on this subject.

​

Although, should such a fate be in my future, I hereby shall write an unofficial short statement:

\- My remains shall be buried properly in a location my relatives see as fit, do not mistake this as me caring about my remains, this will just bring my relatives closure.

\- All of my belongings shall be equally distributed amongst my brother and sister, besides the following items:

	\- \[private item #1\]

	\- \[private item #2\]

	\- \[private item #3\]

​

Suicide is broadly seen as a selfish choice, although in some cultures it is seen as a way of redeeming your family's honor if you have brought shame upon them,

if one takes their relatives and other close ones out of the equasion, suicide can be seen as a logical choice.

​

Your own lifeform seizing to exist will have no impact on the universe, since energy cannot be destroyed, it will simply transfer somewhere else.

A human lifespan is so insignificant in comparison to the universe, we might aswell never have existed in the first place, in 100 years your impact on those close to you will have faded too.

​

Animals are not aware of their own mortality, thus they don't have to deceive themselves into believing a purpose which only serves to distract them from the fact that death is inevitable and that their life is completely insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe.

​

I find myself not capable of following the logic of other suicidal people, all of them put so much emotion and irrational thoughts into this final decision.

Unlike these people I do not feel joy or sadness thinking about this particular subject, as the name of this document says, I simply find it a logical choice if you do not consider other people their feelings.

​

I have overcome all hardships life has offered me so far, and have lived through many moments of joy in between, I just came to the conlusion that my life is trivial and does not matter in the grand scheme of all things, and I came to the conclusion that simply waiting for death to come and fade slowly into nothingness is simply illogical.

Instead why not choose for a quick and easy way out, while your body is still in (semi-)decent shape, and you do not have any real physical complaints (besides scars, open tissue with dead nerve endings, ...).

​

My emotions have been flatlined by psychiatric medication, so I could behave normally in a way that others deem so, which has made my life extremely boring, I feel neutral about practically everything.

I do not have any desire to do anything, nothing peaks my interest, even our primal behavior of finding mates/procreation does not interest me anymore.

​

People would obviously make the arguement in my place ""well just stop taking them"", but then comes life with daily paranoia, visual & auditory distortions and anger triggered by the most random events.

​

In short:

I do not see the purpose of living a life being incapable of enjoying it, or the life of a social reject.

​

What do you want from me?

Why don't you run from me?

What are you wondering?

What do you know?

Why aren't you scared of me?

Why do you care for me?

When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

​

Update on my personal feelings/thoughts:

​

I stopped taking my medication, since I feel it does nothing for me but keep me from feeling anything at all, I haven't slept properly in weeks, my thoughts keep getting darker and darker again, the sounds I keep hearing keep getting more frequent, waking up to my own voice shouting at me has also happened a few times now, I feel like everybody is talking behind my back, can't go outside alone without having the feeling somebody is looking at me, I find myself looking over my shoulder every 30 seconds or so.

I keep thinking my neighbors are home, yet they arent, it keeps getting harder to find joy in anything, I cannot find myself capable of finding a partner, since I am too emotionally unstable and my thoughts fuck me up every time somebody tries to get close to me, I don't want to get close to anyone, because I know I'll end up hurting them and/or end up pushing everybody away because they would be better off psychologically without me, yet I feel starved of love.

I just want someone I can love eternally who won't betray me, but I don't think it would matter even if I let them get close, since as previously mentioned I would just end up hurting them.

Fighting for the only people that ever truly cared about me has left me with countless scars on my hands, back, face, chest and knees, and it is hard for me to find somebody who even accepts what I did in the past to get by.

Yet against all odds I found somebody who is quite the opposite of me, and still understands me, a girl simple in nature who is sweet, kind, smart, all good perks a person could ever have, but I don't see/talk to her as often anymore.

Talking to her clears my head of bad thoughts as long as I'm around her and makes sleeping easier, my deepest wish is to just hold her in my arms, our fingers locked together, kiss her and just drift away, but she probably just sees me as another friend, which is probably for the best.

I don't know how long I can keep going with this joyless, loveless and meaningless life while my mind keeps drifting further away.

​

I haven't cried in years now, not even at funerals, close friends dying, family members litteraly drinking themselves to death and I still can't, I feel like doing so, but I can't.

​

Even though my body is in a trash state, and has had to endure years of substance abuse, I still hope that atleast some of my organs can still be useful as donations.

I do not hold grudges towards anybody and nobody should think its ""their fault"", some of you probably saw this coming though, I do want to thank the following people for making a difference in my life:

\- \[Best friend\]

\- \[Sister\]

\- \[Brother\]

\- \[Childhood friend #1\]

\- \[Childhood friend #2\]

​

I keep seeing people on suicide threads that try to make it out as if ""this is just a dark period in your life, things will get better, etc"" and all that other bullshit, it never gets better, they try to apply some logic that worked in their life to yours, my feelings of indifference towards the subject have moved to a final breath of relief.

​

Hey \[girl mentioned in the section about personal feelings\], thanks for brightening my last weeks, it's probably better that I don't write anything directed towards you, since you had no idea about my feelings towards you and how you helped me, anyway, just know that I love you and because you love the show, I couldn't not include this:

See you space cowboy.

Sorry for the screams at night, if you even heard them at all.

​

Please forget about me,

Bye.",10.490968813772174,8.562413422610017,9.13705719219298,70.02857359635814,58.552352048558426,11.790717387891785,42.60274187640626,10.205721088802392,4.400287698184291,5753,262,971,89,58,1772,520,1318,0.108,0.769,0.123,0.9906,1,1,1,0,3,3,291.0,5,25,18,11,64,58,4,3,52,0,112,35,15,12,18,228,218,72,11,26,42,4,15,2,8,18,13,7,2,7,59,52,1,14,52,2,2,20,40,17,1,5,23,35,164,41,167,163,30,163,0,4,12,6,101,81,1,21,60,709,223,2,0.0,0.025403252098121776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02220568696580204,0.0,0.01714580187949138,0.0,0.4413806099202259,0.4689416495636879,0.029160281356291288,0.022482026213811197,0.0,0.0,0.04252603709433757,0.014991557771903887,0.0,0.07057416733404014,0.019086414517408768,0.0,0.0,0.06043160891151385,0.03297253783785226,0.017901756729372154,0.05227923674453186,0.0,0.0,0.02415587847879697,0.04500054868009984,0.07584881967965744,0.0,0.04763068462676753,0.0,0.0,0.02189294565991893,0.049043987785299004,0.06557945087533854,0.0,0.0,0.05540676553244975,0.022479748880610773,0.0,0.0,0.03423667329964185,0.0,0.023551165147670014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02225164863974098,0.022400552406226317,0.0,0.0,0.0562876586732017,0.0,0.0,0.021003333694195412,0.0,0.0,0.017910621282982334,0.07235236238332908,0.07595897552790319,0.0,0.02391160438001453,0.08496670415230266,0.03878796154191575,0.03612875854026086,0.0,0.019269161089603158,0.0,0.04042401744927395,0.0,0.13009033168442818,0.030633912273266683,0.0,0.04697360601314541,0.15676838189642053,0.01823711005207553,0.0,0.023508184654925088,0.09938834551530247,0.0198212138489764,0.1008150565961072,0.0,0.03655505340352632,0.017983108211298126,0.0,0.0,0.023618910014171542,0.0,0.018959588379473008,0.0,0.0192062994177371,0.0,0.022003935528477042,0.0,0.024164778751538142,0.0,0.028741965171749213,0.0,0.021506371187198062,0.02129505774275901,0.0,0.0,0.04590457377100807,0.02420349139958575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151413102270768,0.0,0.02232677536182644,0.04713211738703418,0.01747670784749123,0.0,0.0,0.02329495101443116,0.021924161568562788,0.16658311417378893,0.020949297273477864,0.0,0.03786435919782741,0.037947985423395836,0.03600890784807866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740283908595214,0.02028733229477541,0.05724627267485916,0.02173710118692598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043197697554565234,0.0,0.022744772393393627,0.02164859322372948,0.0,0.0,0.022787648094192568,0.015761089029636133,0.0,0.033072165534433935,0.020707177414985647,0.0,0.02012027115753858,0.021006943895293964,0.04114509631327444,0.0,0.022497990454550996,0.0,0.04358551083926787,0.03261263183715396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093438883703912,0.10404804145263027,0.056162534527016784,0.044801104812452634,0.02353501335372829,0.0,0.0,0.02053388280835529,0.0,0.0924650880194002,0.0,0.0,0.021553425507293875,0.0,0.022804400470566626,0.0,0.024403757720938377,0.0,0.0440884029654578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017050188816720904,0.02146548273847429,0.0,0.11959601447213145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867819746313063,0.0,0.02145578607517429,0.021855687996297262,0.03633259686273792,0.0,0.0,0.02400066290836075,0.0,0.0,0.08561126494433305,0.03585010525343105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093808842580767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836131680440088,0.05169870816073331,0.0,0.03947869924005069,0.0,0.0,0.02848796811156428,0.054952319573206884,0.04212997599894909,0.13616963998752735,0.025004025198625518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043669673334949886,0.0,0.0,0.022320110666205453,0.0,0.018517537151908646,0.0,0.0,0.0632302285220908,0.051054941637247185,0.05159435136580071,0.0,0.019277406505470048,0.0,0.07738615144213816,0.0,0.0246552893560094,0.041335372338357226,0.023251093094605903,0.015608795314601681,0.0,0.0,0.0761528774587821,0.0,0.4689416495636879,0.041420554901116895
suicidewatch,IMANANONYEAH,2019/03/25,"If I Cannot Make My Rent Tonight, I’m Going To Kill Myself I grew up living in debt. Being homeless. Not having enough money. I won’t do it again. I’m going to jump in front of the train and end it all. I cannot do it. I’m trying to ask for money and borrow money but nobody can help. I’ve used all my resources and no help. I asked for government assistance but because I don’t have a kid I don’t qualify for most and the others you have to be disabled and I’m not. 

I’m done. I’m done. I tried. ",-1.9764491150442467,-0.11313495575221212,1.3661449115044275,97.84709347345137,97.67256637168144,3.8869469026548673,14.142146017699115,5.602791699666715,-0.95344203539823,382,8,93,3,16,136,62,113,0.073,0.857,0.07,0.1779,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,15,0,0,2,2,15,27,8,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,6,5,8,1,0,0,2,0,12,0,11,22,4,11,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,3,61,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402513589015945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353577215560095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819198358922183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854991165658826,0.2432957354930383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676375628616107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156511396182859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605044015923656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791772692456725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717306646171406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197272019633049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203364024345458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awesomerrol,2019/03/25,"How do they expect me to do it? 
Even after everything that happened I'm expected to have a social life and maintain school, work, keep up with the gym. All of this while dealing with the PTSD. The trauma, insomnia, the mental toll it takes on me. It beats me to nothing it kills me. I want to kill myself. Never said it yet but there it is. It shouldn't have been me. Why did I survive? It all lined up in order in some way for me to still be alive. I hate this shit and all these fake people. Then there's her, she takes away all the pain; then she left the pain still lurks in the back of my head. I suppress it but it always finds a way of getting back to me. I just want it to stop. I understand that there are bad days in my life but this is worse. Every god damn day. It beats the shit out of me. I cant relieve the pain it's giving me. Is it time to make it stop? Do I let it beat me until I lose my mind? Have I already lost it? Its a tough topic but look at the parkland kids, two of them TWO dead of them because of survivors guilt and depression. Is that what's going to happen to me? Is it time to call it quits. just, please all I am asking for is mercy or relief. I need help.
",-0.5425421530479895,1.4736185914396918,1.4334902723735432,100.04333527885865,88.76653696498055,4.204876783398183,15.181452658884563,5.46131890053228,-1.020201971465629,906,17,221,5,30,298,139,257,0.262,0.65,0.08800000000000001,-0.9959,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,3,8,12,19,6,1,13,0,20,9,3,2,6,35,39,13,3,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,28,6,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,17,0,2,4,2,33,2,34,32,6,32,0,3,1,0,14,11,3,2,17,160,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273173035344907,0.0,0.09254221140021164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397373343366352,0.0,0.1044928884171283,0.1710394169133463,0.09286231007676143,0.0677974062341842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135659219985603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345270348260647,0.11466078263817878,0.0957918237410652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345838126830126,0.0,0.09370588677337628,0.0,0.0999554869989875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165115573554197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810676812686131,0.10669035447915304,0.06320770181660805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669926271913246,0.0,0.0,0.10980466155825452,0.11414166301354753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454702134386733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885558941601004,0.24609228034673586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083858567778355,0.11372784920110453,0.15711299923155111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339503426016796,0.12442439392492488,0.12140748781821199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423881918735653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120814955163396,0.0,0.11229838540757278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246667174016759,0.08577810929945251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671658513023233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550310961231541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710449581904365,0.0,0.0,0.12208386812277322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300077862461686,0.0,0.0,0.11829393838973665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579370196876416,0.0,0.0,0.11255846353289696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283271747132259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337265422242672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776375347181529,0.1859663071427184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724405560497466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970411654361444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728747682774271,0.11578176762015994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119841088241208,0.1765592019055918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035686580239728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096796377816033,0.0,0.1133405528806888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChiefCommanderMusic,2019/03/25,"WROTE MY SUICIDE NOTE ON SATURDAY I'm 30 years old and have been feeling hopeless about my health and how it has been affecting my life. I've been having problems for years. I just had a part of my skull removed 2 weeks ago because of a skull tumor and now I'm also having intestinal pain again that I haven't had for years. Haven't been able to work and have no income and feeling like I have nothing and I am ready to go back to nothing...I've lost everything because of this over the last 2 years even though I tried to keep healthcare but I feel like the government wants people like me to die and not be a drain on the state.  

All I have left is a bunch of mental disorders making it darker and darker every day: AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER, Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social anxiety, Body Dysmorphic Disorder & ADD.

I wrote my suicide note on Saturday and was going to hang myself even though that's not my  preferred ""plan"". Just seems so easy. Made it to today with the help of my family and my partner and I have an appointment with my Neurologist at 1:00PM. I hope I don't have to go back to the mental hospital because I cannot do that again. I wanted more out of life than constant physical and emotional pain",5.022244008714598,6.229434008230452,5.718039215686276,79.52647058823531,69.0,9.33904623577826,29.93197772936336,9.627879704456738,2.7920958121520214,996,38,186,22,17,324,134,243,0.204,0.7020000000000001,0.094,-0.9825,1,0,0,0,0,4,22.0,0,0,0,3,15,10,0,0,10,0,24,9,4,4,1,39,42,18,3,5,5,0,3,3,1,0,5,0,0,1,7,16,0,1,5,0,0,5,7,6,0,0,11,3,24,4,27,30,5,31,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,2,21,126,31,2,0.09625919253090204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532796623131338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697844148947397,0.0,0.10429679489056652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472760376262878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803475466181407,0.0,0.1760361309639438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692226282023204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040219904212617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062079215858121164,0.0,0.0829079014768894,0.0,0.09990184448051297,0.0,0.5516068707287827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827863546415696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715657764918914,0.0,0.08110252133221617,0.0,0.08651155541820987,0.0,0.0907445998693856,0.0,0.14601462002623294,0.13753517275514504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411895222782205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023190203775756,0.0,0.0,0.06452050769676887,0.0,0.0,0.0956070977599895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555959316420099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846408945596907,0.0,0.0,0.1045858943354212,0.0,0.13598142881419986,0.1410821376929252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507827960137177,0.0,0.0,0.09108277542264538,0.064253758479257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401325133488415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923632913581795,0.0,0.10100783002210756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048531352611466,0.0,0.0,0.10423932512113268,0.0,0.06673400393827199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210704716416207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763075363769679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812412457929763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058386625930914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914833585399216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124245922733937,0.0,0.0,0.06535367310913627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355233148881395,0.0,0.07721331798330311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007783860394658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479510560332184
suicidewatch,TableNugget,2019/03/25,"I say 'I don't want to live anymore' Dad says 'Please, go ahead, kill yourself' You don't have to read, I just start complaining about how hard my life is, when some people have it 1000x worse. I am just letting out my feelings out. I think i just want attention. 


Idek what to do anymore. I want to die. But I'm too freaking weak to do it. I've been researching ways but since I'm only 12 I don't have any pills, drugs etc. My mum has cancer. I have such a low attendance in school. I have at most 6hrs of sleep every night. But mostly 4-5. I like being alone, so when everyone sleeping, I'm tryna be happy. So I end up sleeping at around 3-4am. The other day, a Saturday, I woke up because my dad needed to take my shopping for a new pair of shoes, I was so tired from the week I decided I didn't want to go and the shoes could wait. Thing escalated and there I am, screaming and balling my eyes out in the bathroom with the door locked and my dad shouting at me. Because of previous incidents I decided to keep a knife in the bathroom, hidden. I grab it at put it to my throat and dig in, but the knife didn't do anything. At thing point I screamed 'I don't want to live anymore' and my replied 'Please, kill your self"" I went silent for a split second taking what just happened. This is where I realised it.. i dont deserve to live, someone who is meant to love me the most didnt care.. who would. I start to really try and slit my wrists. Nothing works. My dad manages to unlock the door and I quickly get behind the door. And stick the knife outward (I didn't want my dad to get stabed though) he sees it and he tries to take it away from me. I shriek ""No it's mine!"" and try and pull it back. He says ""What? You were going to try kill yourself with this?! Were you?!"" He gets the knife and shoves me into my room and commands me to get changed. That was the end of that but I will always remember him saying those words. i am worth nothing. the world would be better with out me.  ",0.5559222661396568,2.62831036956522,2.0172266139657467,97.358685770751,84.19323671497584,5.019675010979358,20.037110232762405,6.234304977863048,-0.10392560386473447,1519,44,353,13,44,489,201,414,0.145,0.8059999999999999,0.048,-0.9871,0,1,1,0,0,3,62.0,0,4,0,3,19,14,3,0,19,0,37,15,8,1,0,57,70,26,4,10,9,6,3,1,0,3,6,7,4,1,22,23,0,2,7,3,2,7,10,9,0,1,12,12,55,5,50,50,5,46,0,1,2,1,24,24,0,4,15,226,77,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818023682269957,0.0,0.0,0.07084400235637565,0.0,0.0,0.05789869324408545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533105164378429,0.0,0.0,0.07006365980328176,0.0757934017008029,0.0,0.0,0.07999262521654638,0.06546805328889359,0.0,0.10380213600557464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530015725672974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868067643782092,0.0,0.09006772324361002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797803563189092,0.0,0.0,0.05490880058830639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836275363917752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978443458976244,0.0,0.0987363481337586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508190325562896,0.0,0.0949545465667256,0.0,0.0,0.07173483281775303,0.08135572467947086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043049768714440086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793030686497396,0.0,0.145162510448501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528976680332339,0.09063401118747172,0.07626947248927697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756770937668851,0.2825871862955634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870622810378417,0.060137495740412994,0.041595515547196905,0.0,0.22554277422353025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684293545905665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313085670513305,0.0,0.08222955728391441,0.0,0.07989891410885258,0.0,0.16338987136875902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475344814237496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902594071227255,0.0,0.0,0.1869181578893072,0.0804856171437763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559006386519784,0.0,0.0,0.0851638839099012,0.0,0.05454340455866781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964479785701904,0.0,0.0,0.2708296644991257,0.0,0.08616707916422603,0.06784622911782512,0.0,0.08882046839079116,0.0,0.0,0.07042938563757728,0.0,0.25560699386240043,0.0,0.07213956048002375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052625461886145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920459554094071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131275865747358,0.05455481473489996,0.08365044654199011,0.0,0.0,0.09785687498088097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312201760192485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013096528300085,0.06758083866045883,0.06829484911014784,0.0,0.0,0.07892641499611575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061983548154953765,0.0,0.08676579340240484,0.12096322495020605,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FleudianSlip,2019/03/25,"Why do I still wanna kill myself? I’ve tried to kill myself several times when I was younger been in & out of psyche wards put my family through hell... it’s been about two years and I haven’t made anymore attempts I’m actually pretty successful now with a career that I love. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed but for some reason I still wanna die. Just kinda nonchalantly think about it the idea of maybe shooting myself has the same appeal as getting out of the house after a long day of work and getting tacos, get all excited to do something & ready to go and then say fuck it and just sit back down... I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m not really sure what to say or how to say it but I don’t want to stress my family I’ve fucked with their emotions for a decade. ",2.6967767815007093,4.132406294478528,3.923312883435585,89.26674374705051,75.01226993865029,6.978574799433696,22.354412458706946,7.61054688173877,0.756031996224634,618,16,134,8,13,202,104,163,0.175,0.7290000000000001,0.096,-0.9569,0,0,1,1,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,3,10,12,5,1,6,0,9,3,0,3,2,30,24,12,3,4,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,4,5,14,5,26,19,3,20,1,1,0,3,6,6,3,3,12,84,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.12824281869167062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847778285265525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032911523533172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105060280923693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475228940283518,0.0,0.11318819612364445,0.0,0.13638880450165722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782503487118084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477741538311825,0.0,0.06644775368829238,0.09388344072397058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24298349343925746,0.205977922018666,0.0,0.07468660132290651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163613558943492,0.0,0.14835238998246505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29078412128048997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642030992071411,0.0,0.0,0.1162988066398733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860784855636256,0.12434876368084195,0.0,0.0,0.1320247881012479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423036460184167,0.0,0.0,0.1336970663613298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210912977500416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418829693316228,0.13511728209897042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41802832803801787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846239570959735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117026761542224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098975813734247,0.0,0.1505363018920737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385779265047912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420590865565128,0.0,0.0,0.07662958281839792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922267042712996,0.0,0.12837409593991775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751241641567587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858227732985945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956722338706842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462743676842382
suicidewatch,AegonTargaryen97,2019/03/25,"I can't live like this anymore.. I can't go on this way anymore, I am so sick and tired of being depressed. I am so fed up with my mental health, I have spent so long trying to maintain it only for my OCD to take over my entire life. I barely any friends anymore because I have pushed every one of them away. All my joy for life is sucked out the minute I wake up in the morning. I'm getting some money to go to school soon, and I believe I will spend it on a gun + bullets so I can finally take my life and just be done. It's the most peaceful thought I have ever had.",2.018284444444447,2.6719097440000006,3.7034666666666674,93.24817777777778,75.56,5.8755555555555565,25.08888888888889,5.033348758259628,0.33402222222222155,438,14,104,1,9,147,81,125,0.14400000000000002,0.7759999999999999,0.08,-0.7964,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,4,0,14,8,1,0,2,11,24,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,3,3,2,2,0,1,5,0,18,3,17,16,3,16,0,1,0,0,2,8,1,2,5,72,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160808419024305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078611685911933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037687140842086,0.0,0.0,0.10405622876496083,0.0,0.0,0.19231876924991245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702237856390507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468384339623402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544065770988612,0.14382085882509113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699187660693029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188124720907804,0.0,0.08918292738391764,0.0,0.19402379663958655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144453641047867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617082222920851,0.08339467082147826,0.0,0.15072991375069697,0.1510628118647617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720239517347002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566972968359596,0.12982391061511755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275600766133886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566880751971363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551555160057438,0.0,0.19619282918586325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158930849440387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549253374521988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Forez1944,2019/03/25,Mom told me she didn't want a son like that Almost got rid of suicidal thoughts as well. I guess no one cares in the end.,1.7177777777777798,2.4781380000000013,2.7861111111111114,99.13250000000002,76.4074074074074,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.03182962962962943,94,2,25,1,2,30,27,27,0.303,0.5429999999999999,0.154,-0.6036,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,3,3,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30690495015694463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124864597137249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27145871568042546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245127642092666,0.0,0.33763272522617355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497352825717533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589567843818246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076852092413421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33524975487706105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433184184540598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29286384033125074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807754410324432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27557085783507185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Paltenius,2019/03/25,"Idk first time posting ever on reddit Debated with myself whether to post this here on in r/depression but thought after reading the rules it should land here.

So and now to my question,  idiotism or whatever you wanna call it: lately depending on what songs I'm listening to I get the feeling (not really urge just think it would be fitting) to kill myself or someone else in various scenarios:
Example:
 creep from radiohead makes me want to slit my throat with the ripped end of a battleknife. 
Gone away from five finger death punch males me wanna hang myself below an air balloon and let it rise as far as possible with me dangling under it on my neck
And so on and so forth
Am I alone with these kind of thoughts and what (besides not listening to those songs) can I do to stop that? ",2.8149751655629127,5.44019100662252,3.719764072847681,85.20295736754969,79.33112582781456,7.218708609271522,25.99379139072848,8.278499904357787,2.004142052980132,626,25,116,13,16,200,106,151,0.117,0.863,0.02,-0.9558,0,1,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,1,8,3,2,0,5,0,7,3,3,2,1,30,18,14,2,5,7,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,11,9,0,1,5,3,0,3,2,2,0,2,3,6,13,1,30,11,1,27,0,0,0,0,6,14,0,4,8,88,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050529005779205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601356059493945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216496867107966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052431490675113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539118338848086,0.0,0.17535607298381614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908889812604326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001072378820394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840606282957976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034390665017762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190412285259442,0.20617106129365828,0.0,0.0,0.22333586669965755,0.0,0.0,0.2024532242256796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215662137960846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319850268687064,0.37923008069642666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178867294613305,0.0,0.19803872216082707,0.0,0.12683435331022744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775217050718202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655244460475593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686088635001969,0.0,0.31435617926496745,0.11544672995250413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677676788497575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406429662304681,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anthadrift,2019/03/25,"I only feel right when I'm asleep It's the only way I can pretend to be the person I wish I was. Maybe the reason suicide seems so attractive is because I'll finally be able to sleep without interruption.

I just want some kind of help or understanding. That, or I want to run away. I'm not fit for adult life. It's not that it's hard, but that I can't deal with it like a human being. The worst part is that I don't want to try. It's not worth it. I wish I'd just die in an accident.",0.18091743119266115,1.6596682385321166,2.8426513761467898,94.09627064220186,82.21100917431194,6.194862385321102,19.156880733944952,7.1686216300943375,0.08601211009174348,374,9,94,5,10,131,68,109,0.231,0.635,0.134,-0.9013,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,9,3,2,1,0,20,19,5,2,5,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,10,1,0,0,4,1,1,1,6,1,0,0,1,2,9,3,10,15,3,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,3,57,19,0,0.18101365211724316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006828476920458,0.0,0.0,0.1103442422226954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661712705008568,0.0,0.0,0.18786359252765525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152594136217157,0.0,0.0,0.19829160801702486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215267759233795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213296354101609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849786354884124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12785529570008214,0.08843412707174529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818525434402609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27533807844544705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602014559134692,0.0,0.0,0.15805413900673368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861121821577137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458466986633373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647880304902163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811443780119837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799955571167635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289638773942,0.0,0.0,0.18844159564336005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202996257622788,0.14368021155869246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163135332773888,0.17449070115378307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hashtagkillmenow,2019/03/25,"If you laid your neck down on one line of a train track, stayed still for the approaching train, and allowed its spinning wheel to roll over your neck, would that decapitate you, and kill you, for certain? Obviously, if you're decapitated, you're dead, but... would the train wheel definitely decapitate you? 

(I've looked carefully, and it seems some trains have ""guards"" in front of the wheel, but pressing my neck down, face first, into the track, should depress my neck enough that it passes under the guard.)

I'm also thinking I'd have to dash onto the tracks quickly / suddenly, before the driver can bring the train to a stop... although unsure about this. 

Should you wear a bag over your head, so you can't be identified by nosy / voyeuristic public photographers? This is to protect my family, I guess. 

But is there anything else that should be done to minimise the impact on the public? For example, should you bring a blanket or tarp, and set it down next to you, so that the driver or first responders can cover you? 

Can anyone else tell me what to take? Should I have my ID on me? Would you take ID, largely to assist police with identifying you? A positive ID match could remove an uncertain wait for my parents, if they came looking when they don't hear back from me.

Do you think it makes sense to chain yourself down to the tracks, and throw the key out of reach, so the horn or sound of the train can't frighten you off? 

I feel bad about what this means for the driver, but I don't know how else to do it. Another ""painless"" method failed... and wasn't actually painless. 

Does decapitation hurt? For how long? Would blind-folding myself, and using ear-plugs, and biting into something soft, help in the final moments after being decapitated, assuming it does so? ",7.116598823342343,7.263709516616312,6.6761138495786305,78.22695182063924,64.1057401812689,9.506185403084752,30.411989187470198,9.134995656068208,2.3620296072507547,1394,43,262,21,19,434,179,331,0.081,0.86,0.059,-0.8895,2,0,2,0,0,0,65.0,0,16,2,3,14,8,1,1,23,0,29,7,7,5,2,54,49,27,2,13,10,1,3,0,0,9,0,2,0,0,16,13,0,5,7,0,0,8,5,6,0,3,3,7,31,2,44,33,2,40,0,3,2,0,25,17,0,11,13,179,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.12657099449473844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037230950870354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600444931733546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069104980956998,0.13289560630088293,0.10673416035783186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973326711266872,0.10829622484362482,0.0,0.0,0.11036733053239033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483451822275714,0.13224041015417132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355694487436418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171262995146312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270071789320626,0.13273075668096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250495522098787,0.0,0.0,0.13401742225221827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227203589428735,0.0,0.06558151444323207,0.0,0.0,0.14208282112807635,0.0,0.2206498725856353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288199913136518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311225180078448,0.0,0.14618421826050604,0.0,0.08693689590754906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884927936427735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349667213038547,0.0,0.07128113820147676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478268931651392,0.21783497785391145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865774698927192,0.0,0.0,0.14128411787120668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794015027425782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788981538013083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401935016403955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180763447043062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998513719210269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824567776994826,0.10358063666843037,0.10843715278576874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504037574107774,0.0,0.11336575946538255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621633413257353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202137294509013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685479258573083,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sickallthetime87,2019/03/25,"Anyone else know they are gonna kill themselves for sure? At this point I've had chronic illness for about 13 years, 7-8 of the last being severe. I have small intestinal bacterial overgrowth and hypoglyecimia. Due to the sibo affecting all of my ability to eat sugar or carbs I cannot eat the proper diet to maintain my bloodsugar and I have a crash every 2 hours on clockwork. This crash involves me getting very dizzy, very stupid and uncoordinated very quickly. I get an intense burning in my gut that if I dont eat before that 2 hour window is up that gut burning turns to lava and im in a ball for another hour. This is all day... every day. 

​

I wake up every 4 hours to my own pain waking me out of sleep. I have to sleep in shifts. over the past 3 years my digestion got worse and worse and I was able to tolerate less and less foods. As of last february I've basically only been able to tolerate chicken, ground beef, and steamed bokchoi with coconut oil... like literally everything else makes me flare up, no fruits, most veggies, potatoes, chips ,nuts, anything but water for beverages...

​

I have to eat the same fucking thing like 5-8 times a day, I cant leave my house without taking food with me, My whole life was music, sports, being active, going to concerts, clubs, NONE of that is fun now. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED TO ENJOY IT even after being IN BED FOR 2.5 YEARS STRAIGHT its still no fun going out like this. I belch like a goddamn monster for minutes at a time anytime I eat or drink anything, I cant smoke, cant drink, cant do a fucking thing.

​

I have tried every single cure there is for SIBO multiple times, ive seen 5 specialists, seen naturopaths, 10s of thousands on tests, supplements, antibiotics you name it, I fucking drank tube feeding solution that was unflavored for 3 fucking weeks as my only food source because it was supposed to have a 80% cure rate... it stopped me from puking 10x a day which I was at the time but did little else and cost me like 1800$.

​

At this point, I'm 31... I want to kill myself on a daily basis. I live in my parents basement after moving out at 18, I was independent my whole life and now require my family to help buy and make food for me because I cannot keep ontop of meals every 2 hours with the pain levels and energy levels I have. I know its only a matter of time before that day comes and I really cant do anything about it except pray for a medical miracle in a field that is poorly researched and very slow to develop. I dont know what I want out of this post, im just curious how many people out there know (almost to a fact) that there is NO way out of their situation and that the situation is NOT LIVABLE. 

​

I am constantly feeling guilt at the prospect of leaving my little sister behind or that I'd be dying before my parents(who had a kid die a month after birth way earlier in life)

I appreciate the help that my family is giving me but like... I dont want to live on disability at my fucking families house for the rest of my life. My foodbill is like 500 a month let alone rent, utilities and medication. I literally cannot leave this fucking basement unless I get better. I still get job offers from my old job as a roadie all the time, even 3 years after my last shift I got offered a gig the other day, shit crushes my soul all I WANT is that fucking job back but im too sick to do anything anymore.

​

Life is a cruel joke, I hope it ends soon.",4.452040043290044,5.448664118326121,5.535574494949493,81.0900284090909,70.15440115440116,8.141522366522366,28.867514430014428,8.408885092690799,2.049743650793652,2746,100,531,41,48,910,312,693,0.117,0.7440000000000001,0.139,0.8877,6,1,3,0,0,1,107.0,0,1,2,2,18,29,12,1,33,0,50,46,8,6,6,70,87,30,4,6,13,2,2,7,0,1,13,1,3,1,32,26,19,3,5,7,4,4,18,15,0,1,15,8,68,14,87,66,14,90,2,0,2,7,13,37,8,7,53,329,100,6,0.08437222976827742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224330028479532,0.04369209235339387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27425182711075,0.3075644825076229,0.0,0.04423581973113623,0.0,0.0,0.04183729021784263,0.02949751240301725,0.04322466002321139,0.1388623122388225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032438518352435504,0.0,0.051432528152018084,0.0,0.107691829836671,0.0,0.0,0.03731019039675783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633960255879278,0.0,0.045588203297875725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632393247803657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756505384229789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483254373752639,0.08265266432956671,0.0,0.21583463650800197,0.10572325734500797,0.0,0.037364376285064636,0.0,0.0,0.05572706202849685,0.0,0.1777181063105122,0.0,0.03791415988147324,0.0,0.11930794393406573,0.0,0.02133056723634663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20404647028398207,0.0,0.0,0.2730026840267117,0.0881620154371247,0.04046876543730548,0.04795068253611008,0.0,0.06748017969556369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779047273876559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655292712340273,0.0,0.0,0.041900330802662734,0.2077241270757724,0.09735422512018216,0.0,0.0,0.13670472974558875,0.0,0.12558962879458502,0.03749695724391642,0.09334537145276467,0.0,0.0927375419124269,0.10316194240896663,0.0,0.13400701340452634,0.0,0.04313816066576148,0.14898650267151292,0.14427003380593365,0.08456313960788295,0.0745022246562954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631911853142649,0.04277009911996362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499614508277702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734510884301377,0.04483716385723355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426723110254885,0.0,0.0,0.09625332404558856,0.08977800115795086,0.0,0.046842688188729706,0.0,0.040271420115307606,0.0292465403334308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975902864575947,0.0,0.04040263673977364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027025505431987798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476583020188782,0.043303440697807866,0.0,0.09483792131739473,0.08443316238357303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737977168099861,0.035269481012321045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039759914026138383,0.0,0.031718708266096685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056053160418225736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759437704414316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728320567404273,0.04588637894610188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923185146709766,0.09952985425285113,0.06697074878602442,0.03383915673283318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419858143024998,0.0,0.04066590933328945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598251025512059,0.0,0.0,0.3075644825076229,0.10866589943711473
suicidewatch,iamthecoolbean,2019/03/25,"I feel increasingly suicidal, even though things have only been improving in my life... I've had ups and downs as well as my fair share of childhood trauma. I have never felt this low in my life, and when I try talk to my bf about it he asks constantly ""why? what's causing this? etc"" and I have no answer. I think about killing myself constantly throughout the day. I've never felt no guilt about it (leaving family behind) until now. I have no job, no money so I don't have the opportunity to see a psych. I feel so lost and lonely and I don't know what to do.",0.4932298136645947,2.8384417826086974,2.5944409937888224,91.09228260869568,87.69565217391305,5.720496894409938,17.77950310559006,7.1686216300943375,0.2439937888198757,435,11,94,7,14,146,71,115,0.248,0.664,0.08900000000000001,-0.9643,1,2,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,10,9,1,1,3,0,10,2,0,1,2,15,19,12,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,1,1,8,6,1,0,5,5,14,3,15,14,2,15,0,3,1,0,5,5,0,0,9,68,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694142702891325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861606981203023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916643338176404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687055123885992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210585700268535,0.1196927113051118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083610451721715,0.0,0.1832584265711867,0.0,0.3479951981438366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983079955587236,0.0,0.2004907524328276,0.0,0.09959261647055492,0.0,0.0,0.19188358623183965,0.0,0.0,0.2559991186113592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782074065352154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795328264906408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378243760186588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440720087713688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982229655411813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456560805192108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039311787596105,0.11611711059956145,0.1780456628808819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303505603558335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629366520396905,0.0,0.16352096464117966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnlikelyDesigner,2019/03/25,"17 and miserable. Alone, never had a real girlfriend. Seems like all people do is bully me around, even children. I think I'm going to kill myself. I'm 17, 6'1, and 196 lbs. I am constantly alone, and miserable. I've never had a real girlfriend, and I just can't take life anymore. I don't think I can do this. This seems like the last place to go. Im seriously considering ending my life. My parents don't even give a damn about me anyways. Nobody does. The world will be a better place without me.

""No girl could ever want me"", they would say before I dropped out of school due to constant harrassment. Now, I sit alone in my room all day on medications that numb my misery. I am done with life. I just want someone to love me. A nice girl. Please, help me. I can't do this for much longer. People always end up hating me. I've always been solitary, ever since a young age. I'm not joking either, I'm seriously considering saying goodbye to this wretched place. Watching everyone have teenage love, experiences, and sex, and I'm always out of the loop. Once I'm gone, I won't feel that pain anymore. I'm probably going to go through with this. I just can't stand it anymore.",1.2407454688731256,3.668673676595745,3.069125295508276,88.56074074074075,84.57446808510639,5.524034672970843,21.469661150512213,6.937597516519254,0.6637486209613872,914,30,184,12,27,304,129,235,0.14300000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.138,-0.3,1,3,0,0,0,2,44.0,0,0,1,1,11,16,3,2,9,0,22,9,0,0,6,34,46,6,1,4,6,1,1,2,2,3,6,2,1,3,8,11,0,0,5,1,0,5,11,9,0,0,5,4,25,7,20,36,4,33,0,2,1,3,13,11,1,2,16,107,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044421683404019,0.0,0.0,0.2445888383658261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29151809092560704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722554467649749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337622165087016,0.0,0.0,0.08665790271390589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176938762726732,0.0,0.0782313638255298,0.0,0.0,0.06319085740147581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574548634853385,0.10027051425034053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356751336001072,0.0,0.0,0.12943354800507595,0.17726226522528474,0.0,0.09362684928340988,0.0,0.09584606676090328,0.0,0.0,0.04954309267101414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939941153053628,0.2227437350542548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673781730277788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567586502148093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105838333931896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840354916615506,0.0,0.0,0.0798691320341501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076246363296228,0.09573898039373882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768667654320668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870745221767044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202869737796219,0.0,0.1511408887060014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434857883508544,0.0,0.0,0.10426070206908804,0.0,0.10879840260127728,0.0,0.0,0.135857995897711,0.0,0.3071137928350071,0.1075557882741768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564212648080216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230519574455014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558398519553389,0.0,0.09916391459710502,0.0,0.1783998841016014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810524582036762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302058377631237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736709383121514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556695762941728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558569301380865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445200834683877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960423298955616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wintersbof,2019/03/25,"Everyday I just get up and keep thinking about suicide. I am almost 25 years old and I've never been loved by my parents and never had any GF or anything. People I thought were my friends are just selfish bastards who knew exactly how to use me. When I was six or seven ( can't remember exactly) I was thrown into boarding school so there goes my childhood. Never received proper nutrition when I needed it the most. Now I've almost everything the society and my parents expect me to have i.e a fancy engineering degree and a job but I am hollow inside. So broken. I haven't even kissed a girl in my 25 years of life and looks like it will remain the same for me. I know that I am not the unluckiest person on earth but I can't help thinking about how my life would have turned out if I've grown like a normal child. Seeing everyone around me having a life just adds to the pain. My life's just pointless. I don't have anything or anyone to live for. I fear if I lived upto 40 years I would be a real life 40 year old virgin (how sad is that),nobody deserve that kind of life.",2.0436007827788667,4.156550424657535,3.617782126549252,87.69931506849316,79.0,5.997912589693412,22.757338551859107,7.07126945348624,0.8278352250489243,849,27,169,10,21,281,129,219,0.149,0.812,0.039,-0.9749,3,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,17,11,1,1,11,0,22,10,0,4,5,48,35,20,1,7,12,2,0,2,2,3,7,0,0,3,5,10,0,1,6,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,7,2,26,6,17,24,2,22,0,1,2,3,11,6,1,8,16,116,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854864405079986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760525977763001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979509670327252,0.0,0.1878214590123108,0.10159066291227456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753749374319836,0.0,0.0,0.10904619421255488,0.10256336238902752,0.0,0.0,0.12841630766692866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816854083519574,0.0,0.059622795061874276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649198052720291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324612097987101,0.10143476807389126,0.0,0.11883803045525193,0.0627171625849453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836364053643941,0.1115061708220649,0.0,0.20153944304977836,0.0,0.09583174502724676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299741901316456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846182575128613,0.2640482750851229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181300469699773,0.0,0.0,0.23949870337219925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143132929901612,0.0,0.2534326815625709,0.0,0.0,0.07911618045132365,0.09964485661130083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298931196406422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927529124729467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154951552123756,0.09093856770522683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248283497159838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624649823352898,0.0,0.09059823665571813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241293840423194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856271711217504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621346177231658,0.0,0.0,0.2939571932528695
suicidewatch,amaricano,2019/03/25,"I keep having images of me killing myself pop up in my head. And I can’t make them stop. I feel very dissociated with my surroundings, I barely have the minimum energy to keep living on. There was no trigger, all of a sudden I’m so suicidal I can’t handle it. I want to live and be a normal person. But I’m scared that I might lose it and find myself falling off the edge of a building before I know it. ",1.1419767441860458,2.9151840697674416,3.9699418604651164,85.7470058139535,80.3953488372093,6.625581395348838,20.05232558139535,7.6454224807358475,0.7063534883720926,314,8,67,5,8,112,61,86,0.249,0.711,0.039,-0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,1,1,5,0,7,1,1,2,1,17,15,5,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,14,0,10,12,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,48,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944756415752676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555962290020437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888671963614588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23455392502121686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062840140161431,0.2528520644819128,0.0,0.12560279402498728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036202549661956,0.0,0.0,0.2556842890926978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255609537832068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245097572115695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239263579446926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995573760794289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288142147239239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107452139035588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24999200939009555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885742192525818,0.13480223354273194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anechs,2019/03/25,"Do you also feel guilty for befriending people? I am a husk of a person at this point, with suicidal intrusive thoughts popping into my head every few seconds. My eyes are as dead as they can be, and spending time with me is miserable because I will spread my negativity to all nearby people. Some of them end up worrying about me, and honestly they don't deserve it. The knowledge that every conversation with me ends up being about me feeling like shit all the time makes me hate talking to people in the first place. Not because I don't like to talk, but because I hate entrapping people into worrying for me. Once they become my friends they will be forced to worry because of our emotional connection.",7.015909090909092,7.618115893939398,7.293484848484847,72.16022727272728,64.30303030303031,10.236363636363636,35.43939393939394,10.125756701596842,3.745921212121212,566,25,95,12,8,184,85,132,0.222,0.6940000000000001,0.084,-0.9686,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,5,1,3,8,3,1,5,0,12,3,3,1,2,17,18,6,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,1,3,21,4,22,12,4,13,0,1,1,0,12,8,1,1,7,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097087445733736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383611135996027,0.1532558055134558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609272713254133,0.24581043209467415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23383216232460485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032820752013242,0.09913423871647482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180340274708431,0.0,0.0,0.10721003009190913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740047859275272,0.14241363479293892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558781642550474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262717752721324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778093408940418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848106368369159,0.12116485057601235,0.14498061428201262,0.0,0.13117843280246602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244098961942347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178714542173435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306921516352915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016445986430712,0.16183078287890976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227698908842464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blue1hm,2019/03/25,"so a while back my girl friend cheated on me like the title says i was cheated on and now im about to do something super stupid i have always been hurt by people rapped molested abused. never got therapy never thought i needed it but i should have gotten it. some one will die today.

 ",2.8621052631578934,4.8137587192982485,3.968280701754389,86.91663157894739,75.84210526315789,5.963508771929827,21.92631578947368,6.742157984588678,0.6084484210526315,225,6,43,2,5,73,48,57,0.277,0.626,0.096,-0.8968,0,0,1,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,4,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,8,11,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,1,6,3,5,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,7,32,8,0,0.0,0.30111189576641223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146312029875206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541638484388235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637550530916436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963463379911938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325732238218186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720599153830257,0.0,0.27451257984616684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241589579284112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844005846599934,0.3920136848112567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221044174536754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618724502319125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20210068608332646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956477982463528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906288767564875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017571327290108,0.0,0.0,0.2408930465984871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spottedredfish,2019/03/25,"You're here because you're strong It takes so much guts to stay alive feeling the way you do. 

You want to go but you don't want to cause all the hurt. 

You feel like a piece of shit but that couldn't be further from the truth. 

You're a goddam hero. ",-0.2332121212121229,1.7113308000000025,0.6431818181818194,106.77810606060606,86.45454545454545,3.6666666666666665,14.62121212121212,3.1291,-1.6670606060606064,194,3,51,0,6,59,38,55,0.203,0.527,0.269,-0.09,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,2,2,7,2,0,5,0,4,2,2,1,2,10,10,3,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,4,5,8,3,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929173848298397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32510221989722043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320033830420338,0.2260864775721299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985739002233464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387880495236036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461142494376445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326421169862016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248522611551753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33731527985732684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23794631408317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3733248176757521,0.2511994292349219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,megamarment,2019/03/25,"Am I the only one who doesn’t see myself growing old? I honestly cannot imagine myself growing older than 20, I’ve always ya sit in my head that I won’t live that long. I honestly dont get how people know that nothing they do will ever matter in the grand scheme of things but still go on, so I always thought “might as well try and get good grade/have fun before I go” and I just lived my entire life as a beginning to my end. Ive always known that I planned to kill my self but I never realised that I didn’t have any plans besides that. I don’t really know what to do",2.4376792114695327,3.2476466209677466,4.15268817204301,89.82958781362007,74.7258064516129,6.801433691756272,22.648745519713263,6.937597516519254,0.5399347670250898,447,11,101,4,9,151,82,124,0.054000000000000006,0.773,0.172,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,2,6,7,1,0,3,0,13,2,1,1,2,15,22,8,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,5,0,0,4,7,1,1,1,2,1,20,6,10,17,0,16,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,8,66,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430779608255339,0.0,0.0,0.12070480719973885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103782542665212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802647285865314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721064869298867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055721007567414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547088182617144,0.0,0.20175254229485626,0.14887700039481727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821642777138212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637536950460205,0.0,0.1950966478205811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537217028750794,0.0,0.0,0.31346818097345663,0.15708024926725395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829745385527308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689749134229234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031423178079108,0.0,0.18625441689109434,0.0,0.12027731873309253,0.13499531743476945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305484621945052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370983976298805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414430196269233,0.0,0.1851692484198879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417502266589345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792186283815788,0.0,0.0,0.14091367929828133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050957112898272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959212513234086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lanif365,2019/03/25,"Getting through by making it to life events I have been in a bad place for a while. I usually try to take life one day at a time -- looking more than a few days ahead causes me unbearable anxiety. 

I have recently taken to doing the opposite, though -- telling myself I will make it to whatever upcoming important life event, then I can go. And when that event passes, I look ahead to the next life event, and tell myself again that I need to make it to that next event. I remind myself that if at anytime life becomes overwhelming, I can go, and it's ok. But if at all possible, I really need to make that life event. Right now I am trying to make it to my little brother's wedding this spring. 

When I start to get anxious about looking that far into the future, I remind myself that life is not guaranteed and I could die tomorrow in a car accident (not that I would ever be that lucky). 

It is a stupid coping strategy, but for whatever reason it works for me. I am still here, slowly eking by. Surviving, but not thriving.",4.401108742004261,5.423770507462689,5.507793176972282,81.14608208955227,70.29353233830847,9.12594171997157,27.789978678038374,9.424239791934726,2.382678464818764,796,27,155,17,14,264,111,201,0.063,0.906,0.031,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,9,5,1,1,9,1,14,7,0,7,2,27,31,14,1,6,8,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,17,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,3,23,2,27,25,3,41,0,1,3,0,4,10,0,3,27,116,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705304192780816,0.12855622299220726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501426649308896,0.0,0.12567789463351514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689905083746198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085623410890473,0.0,0.0,0.1467770227402659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810148611270285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029343033307023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890662524535532,0.0,0.1293449068810489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626385697449678,0.0,0.11405271874820397,0.0,0.0,0.286678007481986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379796008981954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875544704932313,0.0,0.0,0.24204504297689025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711059506104043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889179861468477,0.0,0.0,0.12828702738658432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729001402822851,0.11700045230034856,0.11235906442714212,0.0,0.0,0.09718050738739074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054485176079018,0.0,0.09087702022992007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855598533759318,0.0,0.1989240990918876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118032388504025,0.0,0.066354915596751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451898725690372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253293725018723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284428506529345,0.0,0.0,0.08083686872152054,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ploptron7000,2019/03/25,"I don't feel strong enough After years of medication and trying to focus on making myself a better person I thought I was finally over it. Of course I had bad days where my depression would slip through and make me want to do horrible things, but I finally thought I had control over it... until today...

My friends and I all attempted to get into the graphic design field at my university and today was the day that we found out our results. I have been doing graphic design for years. My father is a designer and runs his own department and I've learned everything from him. I've been drawing my whole life and it's my passion. My father has been my best friend and best critic (and usually the harshest critic) for years. Sometimes I feel like he is the only one who is truly honest with me. If something doesn't look right he is not afraid to tell me. Friends looking at your stuff is great don't get me wrong, but they sometimes feel to bad to say anything negative about your pieces. And teacher, they did a great job reviewing too, but most of them seemed to afraid of hurting your feelings. So I took my portfolio to my father.

After spending weeks compiling all my works and organizing them in a way that I thought was perfect, my dad went through and found many mistakes, so my entire spring break was spent fixing them. He believed in me and was so proud of all the hard work I did for this. He loved the drawings in their and the graphic works put into it and even paid to have it printed for me which was completely unexpected. But today I went with my friends to go and pick up our portfolios.

It had been a week since we turned them and I've felt extremely sick all week because of how nervous I was. It's a very competitive program and one that takes lots of work to stay in. My friend and I gather outside the teachers office, me behind everyone else because I don't want to be rude. I watch her facial expression as she hands each student their portfolio and she has a grin on her face and states their name. Usually this is something I wouldn't notice, but her expression changed when she got to me... she didn't even say my name. Just handed me the goddamn folder.

I think I knew then but I was too afraid to look because all my friends were pulling out their 'congratulation' letters. But then there was mine... my horrible 'thank you for applying but...' letter...

Work does not meet our professional standards

Portfolio does not show attention to detail

I hate myself for those words... I was actually proud of something that I had done for once... something that I thought was the best work I had ever produced... and yet it wasn't good enough. My friends wanted to look through my portfolio, and of course I wanted to look through there's,  but I couldn't keep the tears back forever so I told them I had to go.

I'm ashamed to say it but I let my emotions get the better of me and I threw away my portfolio on the way out the door. I got back to my apartment and locked myself in my office. Life has been still since. I can't control anything anymore.

Life seems to be pulsating. I keep going from anger to happiness to sadness to nothing. Sometimes all of them in a single minute. I couldn't even tell my father over the phone. I had to text him and he of course called me right away. He tried to make me feel better, but I could hear the disappointment in his voice. I failed him. I failed everyone. My boss recently gave me a logo he wanted me to design and now... now I'm not even the right person to do it... I feel like I lost someone close to me... My partners face has been filled with tears since we got the news and I don't know what to do... I'm just everyone's disappointment.

It's 4 in the morning and I can't sleep... I feel sick... My life has been put to a halt. Graphic design was my life, and just like that it was taken away from me. I have no purpose now and no idea where to go. I'll have to change my major now or drop out of college and I don't know what to do.

It's taking everything in my power to not slit my wrists or burn myself. Because I remember how physical pain distracts me from this horrible mental abuse... I want it all to be gone... I hate it and myself....sleep will bring nightmares and life will bring dissapointments... but what will death bring... could it bring happiness? .. true happiness? Not this bullshit happy pill happiness, but the kind of joy that you read about... I don't know...

Sorry friends for this post, but I don't know what else to do right now... this situation has proven difficult for me to bare... I'm sorry...

And if I'm not here when the sunrises... well thank you all for the love... goodbye",2.7638605235273346,4.809611315960918,3.612508928221029,88.92656606883563,76.44842562432139,6.783831089831638,24.994322567141534,7.736997071516111,1.258089821173947,3646,128,749,54,83,1161,338,921,0.128,0.706,0.16699999999999998,0.9927,2,0,4,0,1,0,144.0,6,6,12,24,35,64,4,6,32,0,78,21,7,11,11,148,156,65,1,15,28,5,11,3,9,5,11,5,1,3,38,49,0,5,26,2,9,19,25,24,1,2,55,22,143,40,107,88,21,95,0,8,6,3,80,35,0,8,37,518,181,18,0.0,0.056593769244522286,0.04661179497925248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737009105969702,0.0,0.0,0.07861312648671223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346304999298219,0.07345674445909463,0.07976363699422317,0.11646851549446068,0.0,0.0,0.05381485044699589,0.15037940760742755,0.12673290555003264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877345270497571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105817109183407,0.0,0.05008074225733315,0.0,0.10714512189637346,0.076273005555981,0.0,0.0,0.06160900669479449,0.0,0.04113996437080344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359902776650494,0.048880226015064636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980313418139688,0.05372924806637817,0.0,0.09870812241943763,0.0,0.1261934503422245,0.0432062189614472,0.0,0.13692464594204246,0.08585628737835166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906009805024685,0.06824671721375297,0.0458619349890411,0.10464854692709244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474381567994724,0.2952252501615075,0.0,0.07486579575632876,0.0,0.10858390618909858,0.04006305462302316,0.11460621279220608,0.10532226429991028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542338997664333,0.042788099456328346,0.09431618874833393,0.0,0.0,0.053834678616231126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051133469943729394,0.053920923269553014,0.0,0.0,0.04739943816609683,0.08491153561127934,0.0,0.04973994541804802,0.1050016810880984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884299600296469,0.20242718860999748,0.0700067667212832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005530447076208,0.0,0.052141190428644124,0.040608134253675925,0.08621963828058743,0.0,0.09565061788219388,0.04842625990822159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811825899012519,0.048135932192215534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583185013680322,0.05438082177523087,0.0,0.05086821540652909,0.0647336630579024,0.03632747007193056,0.050825376928881484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341319205726176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574571085865197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603412861292487,0.0,0.0,0.04777797218063072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716222078412287,0.0,0.054108486196798325,0.1631643541599319,0.0,0.11395404585309545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696700840863593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185352196214198,0.053689913296552726,0.09559908325186653,0.0,0.040471168710247,0.14708746486379135,0.14172255636220274,0.10693811745872964,0.0,0.05091118399364794,0.03814522766043385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467955030426044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182674073954128,0.0,0.08349751155802644,0.08795127435792045,0.0,0.0,0.03173297433186481,0.030605912988668632,0.0,0.15168044535789135,0.0,0.0,0.1358270365616566,0.045641548647347485,0.05306872392189264,0.06485866208929343,0.0519546542751376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521290056667698,0.03941116554194175,0.1690383710763802,0.075827340915524,0.1149427169497254,0.0,0.04294651295784637,0.08855735287955603,0.0,0.05332796838431715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864113542805665,0.0,0.0,0.03393091843171801,0.052223579825417414,0.0,0.09227737129873988
suicidewatch,Strixx06,2019/03/25,"Help Help!! I was browsing AskMeAnything subreddit and came across a post about a suicidal person that mentions that he will plans to hang himself very soon (all replies are recent) and Idk if it's real but judging by the comments and his replies it looks real. I don't know where to post this and seek for support?! 

His/her username is u/Platypuscrimescene.
All the comments and replies are recent.",5.299908675799088,7.5420540821917825,4.026232876712331,87.86665525114157,69.82191780821917,5.962557077625571,32.714611872146115,6.42735559955562,1.8459789954337904,320,15,56,2,6,92,53,73,0.069,0.877,0.053,-0.2792,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,2,13,10,7,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,6,7,2,9,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,3,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508366069859551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940028879116202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052915086333164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841683899242272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149638568217767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42008406938222026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992543274600824,0.0,0.0,0.4330919173890149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398937447873329,0.24887474654577646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809568863309505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nekonekon3,2019/03/25,"am i still have right to live? i have C-PTSD, weak immunity, and tend to suicidal for years. classmates bullied me since elementary school till college, i also don't have any friends, so i am a shut in now. my narc parents didn't care about my well-being (never asked how was i at school, my health, and stuff, but they instead forced me to listen and solve their affairs), yelled to me a lot and told me i'm not repaying them ( make me feel bad ) since i didn't listen to their life plan for me anymore and do their dream job.

i asked for help, able ran away from parents and marry to a foreigner. he is very kind, take me to doctors, don't complain about medical expenses and don't mind i have lot of sickness and mental problem. i was at my worst want to die a lot, lost a lot of interest in life. i can't work now, but i have been trying my best to study hard from zero everyday so i can earn some money in the future.

i also told to husband if he doesn't want me anymore please give me euthanasia, i don't want to go back to parents home.

narc dad came to visit me recently and tried to reclaim me again, also act so friendly and gave me some presents (but he never did that when i was a child and I need parents care and attention ). he was creep me out and i'm afraid it's only a trap. i don't want to back to my old life again ....

mom in law don't have patience to wait for me to do some contribution. yesterday she said having me is only bring deficit to this family and made her very tired (since she took me to doctors too frequently). so i feel bad a lot...

am i still have right to live? or it's better for me just to jump out from my apartment building so i don't bring burden anymore to everyone? i don't know what to do... why am i born to this world while most people don't like my existence.",3.4987071240105507,3.9052382058047534,4.706568865435358,88.32042321899738,71.9551451187335,7.963736147757257,26.505646437994727,7.976525956113202,1.315213741424802,1396,43,317,18,25,462,183,379,0.15,0.733,0.117,-0.9407,5,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,0,5,6,23,18,0,1,9,0,37,11,0,3,2,51,70,31,2,7,7,7,3,1,2,0,11,4,1,1,7,17,0,1,4,1,2,9,16,9,0,1,17,7,55,9,47,53,11,45,0,1,0,0,35,14,0,11,23,211,62,8,0.08086422969628516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400128581803325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499044914606571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24058676097602266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119427779482816,0.0,0.07597460568732513,0.12435920237086134,0.1350365081905344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486202013974029,0.07151783980444057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248713629595652,0.16489294298751914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392430360935475,0.0,0.0,0.16553593120989776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726923683523337,0.0,0.0,0.07623159902551409,0.0,0.08177476846537082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495100654191035,0.0,0.0,0.07757233755312587,0.045957005253303485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243846645446153,0.0,0.0,0.08595489478529518,0.0,0.0,0.054201588620614215,0.0,0.08111341565165482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024527041822863,0.0,0.0,0.08420765150575353,0.044440865858774055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713503906216093,0.03950617801959077,0.0,0.14280919264637115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827285908354145,0.3437393817778127,0.0,0.07651568935390209,0.053977501243304665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146220407057025,0.08149212406405046,0.0,0.08164982019259683,0.0947072084919776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995980169286145,0.12473495812681415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485340623867056,0.0,0.0,0.12300178113154304,0.0,0.0,0.35916062976532503,0.0,0.0,0.05606107511534363,0.0,0.0,0.08876464113409188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737614686657893,0.09452595718194008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798436712917221,0.0,0.0,0.13811522065196594,0.07692040016344055,0.0,0.0,0.16367783517564727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067517929797898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915655658407432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257019640479487,0.08845234249216173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060799837054050815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294153642714126,0.0,0.15453847367046675,0.0898431345734507,0.10980300779266483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344291657333432,0.19078327117926674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270665390053774,0.0,0.07296738967456018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887012230722306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207391268649455
suicidewatch,danielo25,2019/03/25,I'm letting myself die My chest hurts and something is growing in my throat and i sont want to care,1.7628571428571431,3.7807921904761934,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,79.47619047619048,4.2,24.785714285714285,3.1291,0.08631428571428579,80,3,17,0,2,25,18,21,0.257,0.515,0.228,-0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,5,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450239552174976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530008968781166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672645480284822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463338880932144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360262752844093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574492406747694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidalthrowawayxd,2019/03/25,"Question I see a lot of suicidal people online but no one at my school seems suicidal. Every single person seems so normal and happy with their lives. Are they really good at concealing their depression, or are they really normal people who don't feel suicidal? Do I live in an area with an unusually small number of suicidal people or do I just surround myself with a lot of suicidal people online? I guess what I'm trying to say is is the number of suicidal people a lot less than I had thought?",7.696874999999999,7.035074104166667,8.860500000000002,65.73450000000001,63.16666666666666,12.263333333333335,31.7,11.602472056035307,3.9255525000000002,398,12,66,11,5,138,59,96,0.326,0.57,0.104,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,19,15,5,6,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,3,11,2,12,13,5,6,0,1,1,0,8,6,0,9,0,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939046825736144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185983948399043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055127260893994924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144656503334966,0.0,0.0,0.12010538808139992,0.0,0.0,0.11606112947420028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254544571192836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780722357434325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136463661900255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387942812115908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779275162595082,0.0951980567118334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213504533250147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969080824091945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670254230464915,0.0,0.11034101216823652,0.08688029889455692,0.1985079336817696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7155461939312429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655515562420919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740220873886658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway50587107,2019/03/25,"I'm probably going to lose you. Listening to you scream in pain. Barely able to move. Stuck in the shower for hours because you can't get up.

There's nothing I can do for you. The one medication that makes life slightly bearable for you and the doctors won't prescribe it because of the opioid crisis. 

I feel so helpless. 

And I know that if this continues I'm probably gonna lose you. And I won't blame you if you kill yourself. 

Countless doctors. None of them will look into anything before blaming your weight. And then they are delaying weight-loss surgery. 

And I watch you lay in the tub. Frustrated and angry and unable to stand... 

And I try so hard not to let you see me cry. Because this isn't about me. And I know how guilty you'll feel. 

So I sit in a dark bathroom and cry and drag a blade accross my thigh so I can let it out. 

I just wish so badly I could help take your pain away. I hope you know how much i love you. You're my world. I just want you to be better....",0.4094622331691298,2.6854629408867012,1.950129310344828,96.14634339080463,87.07881773399015,4.76264367816092,20.2809934318555,6.21433560688645,0.017558456486042484,759,24,169,7,24,245,117,203,0.248,0.68,0.07200000000000001,-0.9901,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,16,2,3,11,12,2,0,7,0,14,9,1,3,0,31,34,21,1,6,5,0,4,0,0,5,6,2,1,0,6,13,1,1,5,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,1,9,36,3,20,24,2,17,0,3,3,1,21,9,0,3,4,110,42,2,0.12836258725202365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563147210716133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060087616125993,0.0,0.1071773986465883,0.2347459253111205,0.0,0.10922710740019037,0.0,0.0,0.11352627714940668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248708096195353,0.0,0.28200054930720675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627690944819775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980796195765176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706415386877135,0.0,0.0729514164523091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498766519618216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603873646781926,0.0,0.0,0.12749301241218716,0.12641129176908164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142014184294832,0.0,0.2116341629461324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625188845931184,0.09066629150880333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779224434799764,0.287209802513603,0.0,0.0,0.11585224660495888,0.0,0.08568302374255114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931180222732158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642911592035142,0.09436127121882333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316736442643933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698181117184026,0.0,0.2731736861429407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767931591676449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102288362879667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651269069243293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714977080260289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757115797212007,0.0,0.0,0.3126221003812408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761064045297645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,obsa214,2019/03/25,"probably gonna kill myself tomorrow night well, it's been a while since ive been suicidal but here I am again. it seems like however long I go doing well I always wind up back in this place again. 

I guess im just tired of being seen as nothing by basically everyone i know. i could be dead tomorrow and barely anyone at this fucking school would know the difference. im too boring to make friends, too ugly to find a gf, so on and so on. not to mention having no ambitions and not even being able to get a job which means i have to rely on my parents for money

so yeah if this is what the rest of my life is gonna be then im done. ill stick around until tomorrow night when I can actually get to a building tall enough then im gonna jump",0.7973734177215199,2.7872789113924057,3.1979588607594955,89.72326740506331,82.67088607594937,6.734810126582277,20.634493670886076,7.8658589789855275,0.8489481012658229,580,17,129,11,16,200,105,158,0.174,0.735,0.091,-0.9423,3,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,15,7,2,0,6,1,17,4,0,1,0,18,31,14,3,3,5,1,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,1,2,3,3,2,0,4,1,12,4,19,18,2,25,0,0,1,1,4,9,1,3,15,87,19,2,0.13293530008897494,0.0,0.12972567673926266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061281889888447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295145272189284,0.0,0.0,0.1183406009994693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221904016205252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613802007722914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388890947566418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360389661413993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735770083755836,0.0,0.08780251196609329,0.0,0.0,0.12702537605214714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150045595530358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027054830884724,0.12289654284136987,0.13890641518863214,0.0,0.07555019453575723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644322030625748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5743717436324772,0.0,0.13191777308500374,0.0,0.1470732135451474,0.0,0.1461155287409214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389613381672657,0.0649454728020989,0.0,0.0,0.11764355734880705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873534506891324,0.0,0.0,0.14480551311551826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495015476986153,0.0,0.1275550057202413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476089189166916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388890947566418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433267374249899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453762076699796,0.0,0.1210193045003002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996545394908692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540964202505088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278957187964176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390495993354461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443342308311876,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wolf3cho,2019/03/25,Question. Any motivation to keep going?,5.190000000000001,5.6959746666666735,7.213333333333335,48.69000000000002,135.66666666666666,7.866666666666667,36.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,5.5399333333333365,32,2,3,1,2,11,6,6,0.0,0.6759999999999999,0.324,0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40421003762685015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33780925799156153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283269656889555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6658601715246171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snarglax,2019/03/25,"Witness. You have a gun. I know what you'll do with it. 

I've seen you taken away in an amublance, so far gone on sleeping pills. 

It hurts me. But I don't know where to go. I don't know how to help. 

I know I can't help. 





I don't even know why I'm here. Just sad. Agonizing your agony. 

I wish I could help. 

It hurts so bad that I wish I could make it easier. But I can't. 
I'm sorry. 


Post your suicide hotline, your NAMI link, your call for 911. It doesn't help. It won't. It will never.",-3.2944594594594605,-1.9561151531531529,-0.2435180180180172,106.6936418918919,110.44144144144144,2.940720720720721,10.955405405405404,4.935628992294339,-1.8727156756756762,362,6,101,2,20,124,63,111,0.228,0.603,0.16899999999999998,-0.8741,0,0,0,1,0,1,22.0,0,7,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,13,2,1,2,1,17,27,5,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,3,1,19,0,7,19,0,9,0,3,1,0,12,5,0,0,1,59,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494618895326326,0.0,0.13769990725447145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684000421004352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26334771549695074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892699394778456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372688091347936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421650900849797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530969416232004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531739741394285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008425817029796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271951740726118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794616143149184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503742047705158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461255543176053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039387304692148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881313098841106,0.0,0.3792958544771512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sh0sen,2019/03/25,"why the fuck not I'm a teen suffering from severe OCD. My thoughts are only ever about killing myself and others... I don't see a single reason for me to be alive, I've tried coming up with reasons to stay alive but ultimately I cant find any worthwhile ones. I'm a completely mind fucked person who has ruined his life and others so why do I have the right to live? Short answer I don't. I've been disassociating from reality for long periods of time days go by fast and i don't remember most of them. I have doctors, therapist, councilors, and a loving family but none of that seems to help. I know this was kind of an unorganized rant and I'm sorry for that but can anyone justify living on this horrible planet.",2.654086538461541,4.680035423611116,4.709166666666665,81.02942307692308,76.70833333333333,7.764102564102564,22.882478632478627,8.617729084823388,1.6001170940170937,567,17,111,12,13,195,100,144,0.196,0.7120000000000001,0.092,-0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,3,0,7,0,13,5,0,2,1,22,25,9,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,3,1,12,2,18,21,3,13,0,2,1,3,6,4,2,2,6,72,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883475420565786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119058136188431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786290638227286,0.16780208079153802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321451972262387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638108313825517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447680908484147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087433311571116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462764376520201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959144201598325,0.0,0.0,0.09095614690263464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727347506131024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706390961473528,0.16666019638284896,0.08795546840468621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130431310402717,0.0,0.0,0.28264187002168245,0.14163305270249454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444509063219646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615978456184915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844930475030838,0.12171994250084585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397434079626006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291017971628973,0.0,0.0,0.1812975639548052,0.13667588031323036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753358074404467,0.14569717134181906,0.0,0.18080307892571948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791550785459574,0.0,0.1705845845055151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582230287122775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270562954900816,0.0933223827093618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865871755669776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888278980651818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PeacefulPatchouli,2019/03/25,"Todays the day Thought it was going to be simple, just said goodbye to my mum who is going to work and she asked my I was dressed so well today and now im feeling a bit teary. Im not sure i can do it. Am going to use charcoal for carbon monoxide to end it in a few hours",0.5712903225806443,1.5390767741935465,3.1395483870967773,94.6393225806452,79.64516129032259,4.960000000000001,22.07741935483871,3.1291,-0.2363974193548386,208,6,51,0,5,73,46,62,0.033,0.895,0.07200000000000001,0.3136,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,1,8,15,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,2,5,2,7,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081726807129204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24310531325339024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360806740936538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722548627816375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259204392123455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796569468363256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929172140685405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481058153625612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21181655995292853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098701800441297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678044810515575,0.0,0.0,0.4221430008156869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232119675534867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002131200848817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211130941373925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wackpenguin,2019/03/25,"Help me My friend is extremely suicidal, and my words aren't cheering him up as they used to I need help from you guys anything will help... Please I really care about him ",1.521470588235296,4.064806735294121,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,84.58823529411767,6.929411764705884,20.264705882352946,8.07648339933343,0.9903176470588236,135,4,29,3,4,42,29,34,0.163,0.523,0.314,0.7094,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,18,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432460801386053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013745674119905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283727542367372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926814100896616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943849394992002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917686675848352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244699844467249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893630648693096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32332840899286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25529558455592005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaybooboodaddy,2019/03/25,So tired of myself I can’t get over anything or anyone. I keep crying and shaking while also laying lifelessly. I have nothing to live for anymore. Everyone has left me. I’ve pushed everyone away and there’s nothing left anymore. I have nothing going for me and I’m just so tired of it. I can never just be normal or do something right. I’m so tired. Nothing else is left for me in this world. The only person I had left just told me to get my shit together and I could do so much better than this. I wish they knew how desperately I could just get my shit together. I’ve tried so many times,0.3345491803278691,2.7298044836065567,2.3755532786885247,91.61201844262295,90.22950819672131,5.017213114754099,19.920081967213115,6.6274283507984215,0.3730967213114753,465,15,96,6,16,155,71,122,0.19,0.763,0.046,-0.9538,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,13,4,2,1,1,0,12,5,2,1,1,18,22,14,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,0,17,1,11,16,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,9,2,2,3,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031358886995802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22400113202057584,0.0789663495850516,0.0,0.0929353782669976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610557461518297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988128821513256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803378377045988,0.0,0.1240531216623535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434218931991824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158272938781936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770106687984286,0.0,0.06418321498190104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038127261863483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908141697775307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972313320345096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449774315711066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301976919889548,0.0,0.08710196181284305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065172149476234,0.43345436259784004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589169070100668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860995106980827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964453498494728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23185105168589534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694240896118481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585294953698961,0.3894043952846076,0.0,0.1079136469390968,0.0,0.07667503589465688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298689721261691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway89344,2019/03/25,"I'll Soon Be Gone Somewhere along the way I managed to mess my own life up. I could blame outside forces but it boils down to me. I made this bed, now I have to sleep in it. I don't know what lies on the other side but I'll soon find out. Hope to reunite with friends and family, but I'm OK with whatever it brings. Wish me luck.",0.10798434442270023,1.7401733013698646,1.7319373776908016,101.21986301369863,83.10958904109589,5.267318982387477,18.647749510763205,6.18269132825596,-0.4916168297455967,253,6,66,2,7,82,54,73,0.042,0.684,0.274,0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,4,3,1,1,0,15,11,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,4,12,7,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,3,40,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723362095107986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215535454914895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117542008473929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26352877074527964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387838097597666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745662119481055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409251383506079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227518707726164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34134084235623835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707449437935197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922418506518727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxiousgamerwife,2019/03/25,"April 12th is the big day I got my plan together and all I have to do is wait until that date. It will be the anniversary of an abortion I was forced to have back in 2005. I'm feeling a lot better. A lot more confident. I'm going to enjoy my last few days. I can't stand to be here another month and I'm going to make sure that I don't make it. Tylenol, cough syrup, tequila, and some bleach should do the job. ",0.10733333333333306,1.8852781777777776,2.207777777777782,97.04500000000002,83.8888888888889,5.777777777777778,18.88888888888889,6.937597516519254,-0.02411111111111097,316,8,78,4,9,106,60,90,0.034,0.815,0.152,0.8553,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,2,2,13,23,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,8,17,6,13,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,8,49,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785415793597602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425700685316248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349326727184252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34262534762026603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431309564880842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019331149770808,0.0,0.21245266779415853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263601863589799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165280726725073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516669513534528,0.0,0.0,0.35462700407134823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120274145850692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503579523418137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hang_The_State,2019/03/25,"The hole The only thing that’s real is the hole. There is no love, no joy, no transcendence or brilliance. No pleasure or pain, no hatred or passion. There is no horror or misery or tears or shrieking. 

There is only the hole. 

There is only a parasitic void of consciousness, there is only longing, there is only the hole. 

And everyday I stand with my toes over that hole. And every day I throw my nothing, my love, my joy, my transcendence, my brilliance, my pleasure, my pain, my hatred, my passion, my horror, my misery, my tears and my shrieking into that hole. 

Because there is only that hole. ",4.220972222222224,6.076032089285718,4.856190476190476,82.41103174603178,71.85714285714286,6.7634920634920634,26.73015873015873,7.3871296695380915,1.557496825396826,462,16,81,5,9,148,43,112,0.28800000000000003,0.488,0.224,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,6,0,8,7,1,0,0,13,10,9,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,16,8,4,10,0,7,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,6,3,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524445395111716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113435032727407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145463159038917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527878084351712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116426344812417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566015358705932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7878382723257538,0.3674187152832215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651091451438651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469948051190773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoHacksJustZachs,2019/03/25,Tired. I’ve done my best but it’s not enough. I have to stop holding others responsible for my own mistakes. 18 years of doing my best and following the rules and apparently I can’t write a fucking essay so all the doors to my future are closing and I don’t want to grow up.,-0.18310344827586172,2.1169447413793137,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,92.9655172413793,4.968965517241379,19.318965517241374,6.6274283507984215,0.2535793103448274,217,7,47,3,8,74,45,58,0.125,0.674,0.201,0.7003,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,1,12,9,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,6,8,5,7,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6585602442615357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210935668938965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242061841048825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900734283649866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623240689834289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606301195205551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506847565898815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020562826692137
suicidewatch,iamChickeNugget,2019/03/25,"Where's the restart button? I always drift off somewhere to an alternate reality where everything went my way since birth and I'm perfectly happy. Also, lately I've been taking sleeping pills as to enhance my sleeps and dreams because these are the only ways to escape life without having to take it. 

I don't wanna feel like an ungrateful ass but my life isn't actually bad. No tragedies. I'm just not happy. 

I'm already embarrassed at how much money my parents spent for my studies and I'm still in college and uninspired. 

Why can't life be a Nintendo game?",3.147702020202022,5.7394989722222265,4.409461279461278,80.93621212121214,77.7962962962963,6.8902356902356905,28.33670033670034,8.00094639256281,2.240118518518518,451,20,78,8,11,148,81,108,0.111,0.721,0.16899999999999998,0.7758,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,5,0,7,7,3,1,1,12,16,8,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,2,2,6,2,0,0,3,1,7,4,11,12,1,12,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,46,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.1732072264301619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586755703995407,0.1419408110720358,0.14768810655430525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819895200239738,0.1081978742945494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951895239192626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897456187900462,0.12680078729878716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37788846074405263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021944445805254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761049312604183,0.08671394511864161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047752306767474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349911612969322,0.0,0.0,0.1970845871423136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682375733477554,0.0,0.3552416736298684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174586255585558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669047727630286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28177081387657976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453746824266802,0.16015951278690388,0.0,0.0,0.17109658436823905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dama_da_neve,2019/03/25,"Too tired I'm tired of life, I want to disappear, almost five years fighting suicide, only tried once as to not hurt my family... I don't have many reasons to live for myself, some days I just sleepwalk through, most nights I am a bit scared too tempted by the thought of not waking up, so I can't sleep, but then even when I sleep a lot I feel tired, many times numb, I want to die, sometimes I've catch myself looking at a perfume flash and casually considering drinking it, more afraid of the pain than death. After so much time it is hard to remenber how is wanting to live for myself.",8.731016949152544,5.8669507457627095,8.314000000000004,77.48947457627119,62.72881355932204,11.13491525423729,37.15932203389831,8.841846274778883,2.989140338983052,460,16,96,5,5,147,84,118,0.274,0.675,0.051,-0.9832,0,0,1,0,2,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,2,5,0,6,10,3,2,0,16,13,8,3,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,2,0,2,4,6,0,1,1,4,12,1,18,12,6,12,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,4,8,62,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449481907830423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803166321444054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335304703957152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022969375843434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180182510835798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560731245224642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645927679812409,0.0,0.07319094645636216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966933490969534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495998007566675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224259879193924,0.0,0.0,0.25563728687004755,0.0,0.12155519993541275,0.0,0.0,0.12306295038815965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935115601884681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640935494518113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583992014574905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415612620373564,0.0,0.11009039763467242,0.1540263041977179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882913583243315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492197636172496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28971302069395194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431634018079037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833516339517673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491689697761992,0.16881207811312146,0.4991132945188279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827708735737603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561353908002413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321552421941713
suicidewatch,cabbagebrain2765,2019/03/25,"I almost killed myself [21] I almost killed myself, but I stopped myself because of my pets. I only had 20 0.1 MG Clonidine, so that probably wouldn’t have been enough anyway. ",3.766363636363636,6.097911090909093,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,74.45454545454545,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.8435939393939393,138,4,23,1,3,44,26,33,0.232,0.768,0.0,-0.762,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,18,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5600811516710213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704790428690939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889650677186044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6188079860469765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269515804940167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015223764911341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23380952022029855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway21801945,2019/03/25,"My cat is gone. Nobody wants me. My dad beat the shit out of me, then abandoned me . My mom is so fucking toxic and narcissistic she only cares about my brother and I'm her punching bag. I am being put into religious shit that's becoming a chore to break the indoctrination and not get brainwashed. My brother has stolen everything. All my possessions, exept computer and bed, are gone. He took my cat a mile Away from my house in the middle of wetlands and dumped her there. Those wetlands are unsafe to go in, so I'm assuming my cat isn't coming back. If I don't kill myself tonight it will be so I can give my computer to my only friend.",2.4121614583333333,4.5313654765625015,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,77.828125,7.0791666666666675,24.729166666666664,8.07648339933343,1.5382322916666666,503,18,100,9,12,168,85,128,0.065,0.804,0.131,0.8761,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,5,0,5,0,12,3,2,0,1,14,24,10,1,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,6,0,0,3,0,21,2,12,18,1,17,0,1,0,1,10,7,3,2,3,67,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357794928849984,0.1666135096377151,0.0,0.0,0.2393059853226767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091965388867374,0.0,0.0,0.1866505940677642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473797089574613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740639482897468,0.20031712577892102,0.11320633273938438,0.2078591558023083,0.12314421115145288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500195747090266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972426510370504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537729431197526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295897377164003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178232010010908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448377176578864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407394013913935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780345075126345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FarseerCorn,2019/03/25,"So, what's exactly the point of life? Sorry if this is the incorrect place to post this, but given the other posts pertaining similar topics, it seems like this is the best place to ask this question withour fear of action being taken.

So, how does everyone press on despite knowing that everything is just going to come to a halt that we cannot avoid? People say often that ""life is what you make of it,"" but how would this mean anything if our minds shut off once we die? (Unless your religious belief says otherwise, but i personally don't believe in religons myself). The whole idea of just trying to enjoy it while it lasts aswell just feels off aswell. In my life personally, i'm at the point of entering college- about to enter thousands of dollars into debt just so i can learn how to do a job that i may be able to employed in, while not knowing if i would even like it to begin with. I'm socially inept, only really becoming close with one/two people, who i might aswell just be considered a liability to at point. Why should i have to go through all of it? Yeah, i know people have lived through their life to the end in far crappier conditions, but why should i have to go through the worries of life, just for it to end anyways. It just feels like you won't have to worry about anything because you're well, dead.

Death can impact others, probably a lot more than i think, and my thoughts on how others may percive myself may drastically differ than what i think despite everything i've seen that's led me to this ideal. But everyone eventually will move on in one way or another, just like if somone dies naturally, its just this time they've died by their own hands. People will grieve, and then they move on. Oh yeah, you may become famous, and then you get remembered for a couple hundred years, and then fade away into obscurity. 

I don't see why its such an issue to not want to deal with all the issues with life. Why make ourselves suffer, give ourselves joy, only to use that joy as a mask, an attempt to not think about death.  

I don't know if i'm missing something, which is why i ask those here. I don't see any reason to press foward if it will just mean nothing.",7.712117882117879,6.379919179487184,7.642877122877119,76.65244755244757,63.4988344988345,10.68891108891109,33.24908424908425,9.606745405546679,2.8449461871461867,1724,55,338,27,21,555,214,429,0.103,0.775,0.123,0.8869,3,1,1,0,0,1,51.0,3,5,3,3,26,15,0,2,17,2,33,7,1,9,3,87,68,30,7,12,26,0,5,4,0,13,6,2,0,2,33,14,0,2,19,0,2,10,9,5,1,2,4,10,30,10,62,48,7,49,1,3,3,0,22,24,0,17,16,231,63,4,0.07421810150084754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050470854067721255,0.07782415061911886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221503474862322,0.0,0.1387678123920767,0.0,0.06973034947054968,0.0,0.0,0.04524266580740397,0.1639361241751847,0.0,0.08361838506869801,0.07788731863215351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639323227231572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212091765983615,0.0,0.0,0.07651560374147298,0.0,0.0,0.2310800154924315,0.0775421195507135,0.0,0.0,0.06494876077035176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147041766026354,0.0,0.0,0.04902035607372388,0.0,0.0,0.14183715306185202,0.13340488803630168,0.0,0.0,0.0835159980489029,0.0750538042465272,0.05302142654168336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387758947950191,0.07119676578629906,0.12653957231925578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837832027360934,0.0,0.15492883099751206,0.07365001369866074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315331045531814,0.06049765848124264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145346398804241,0.14503686196880874,0.0,0.06553594336390108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309757583159485,0.0,0.0,0.09908231812963766,0.0,0.0,0.16169054063287386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873367710307339,0.07493912531338302,0.0,0.0,0.1577641926641348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121427006332984,0.0,0.0,0.07903985588160398,0.1005842127130765,0.1128924211742695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058139466008345,0.12960876700982704,0.15508423910142702,0.0,0.21048028598619453,0.0,0.14216085091930658,0.0,0.08001966625022454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314125929141558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754601628454575,0.07630856935022097,0.0,0.0,0.08407464104623899,0.0,0.0,0.11804242641988827,0.0,0.0,0.1182844356923628,0.06756537216942099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565600797420148,0.0,0.057136720503725175,0.0,0.08308108830473285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266788793845414,0.0,0.05892088234928741,0.04327717183130623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050389219114942777,0.0,0.07250030085439217,0.0,0.0,0.06410061026972567,0.0,0.0,0.04377575918990365,0.058910874403105176,0.0,0.0,0.06673098648493027,0.0,0.3348514635864506,0.0828618598444904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074416941297958,0.0,0.10544481976968363,0.0,0.0,0.04779402403050495
suicidewatch,throwaway096502,2019/03/25,This is it. I'm just totally done. Taking lots of Ativan and putting myself to bed with some liquor. Just wanted to tell someone I'm leaving this Earth. ♥️ Thank you and I'm sorry. ,-1.1151879699248075,0.7209823684210548,1.1218796992481188,96.68815789473686,106.89473684210527,3.2240601503759403,15.954887218045116,5.288315135182226,-0.6744481203007515,142,4,30,1,7,47,30,38,0.036000000000000004,0.894,0.07,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35313935413436104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36539269315486894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29337692298159423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34690336888757944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923874037528933,0.0,0.0,0.38629176673693705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25945920162603675,0.0,0.3016174402951849,0.3177057345487495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353868374585646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mhaas21,2019/03/25,today is the day i’ll be gone tonight. i’ve planned this for 4 months.. goodbye and i want to thank you all for being here for me but it’s time for me to go,-3.0709909909909885,-1.528954270270269,-0.4282432432432444,109.1163738738739,105.2162162162162,2.466666666666667,14.274774774774775,3.1291,-1.797176576576576,120,3,34,0,6,40,30,37,0.0,0.912,0.08800000000000001,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,6,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33039963039071185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911593969448721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089235072546132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4716691616893783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987339459333373,0.0,0.4856130089263809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021755980266597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cailedoll,2019/03/25,"I’m not “at risk” I know I won’t kill myself, but I have the urge to hurt myself. Not in a typical self harm way but in an “accident” way. I made a stupid promise to my ex friend that I would never try to take my own life again and I take promises more seriously then I should. Idk I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice about how I’m feeling or can relate ",-0.003875000000000739,1.746448362500001,2.617500000000004,94.10750000000002,84.125,5.5,17.5,6.6274283507984215,-0.2432500000000002,279,6,67,3,8,97,59,80,0.267,0.586,0.147,-0.9221,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,1,4,0,6,1,0,2,1,16,15,7,1,4,7,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,12,3,8,11,2,8,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503291962756631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420635879041274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912205030738051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295287170454083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791854962890934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274238391281773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28341736233345816,0.0,0.14078592815610946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094249753696295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239699510865506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975763355871912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413663711630955,0.0,0.2672442073811279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852202843480282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392458571293554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151097415580219,0.406676253552356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197788054805225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scribethis,2019/03/25,"I was going to kill myself I was going to kill myself but iam still to coward to do it. every time I tightened the knot and stard to feel my own weight suffocating me and start to see all the darknes growing in my eyes i just chicken out and suport myself again in the chair.
I know that i will do it eventually , there was a time that thinkin in my family stop this kind of thoughts but not enymore or my dog but it died.
Its not that i am depressed, i used to be sad when this kind of thoughts cross my mind now its just part of my day.
I just want to share this somwere. this weird feeling I guess
Thanks for reading this and sorry for my awful inglish.",3.8573202614379056,4.377123882352944,4.445980392156862,90.10163398692812,71.20588235294117,6.9267973856209135,26.140522875816988,6.42735559955562,0.7679013071895424,512,15,114,3,9,163,80,136,0.189,0.711,0.1,-0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,4,1,8,2,1,1,1,25,21,9,3,1,9,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,5,1,1,5,1,0,4,2,5,0,0,5,5,21,4,17,14,3,17,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,2,9,84,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560460739133024,0.0,0.1543920178015754,0.0,0.18603832779129054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103001878254713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898560485620756,0.0,0.1812733681012252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20374942751785013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974695266148418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966380662177069,0.3733328725915319,0.09851382751350957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099639031615491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411563256383052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930344968091802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284297956088954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006612303494408,0.12687756968168318,0.0,0.14315322723454846,0.14986515697040298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650338657801092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846167999657544,0.209049994960631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481871488845705,0.0,0.0,0.10572920838864973,0.0,0.0,0.2182842262690896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abra7774,2019/03/25,"Where do I turn? I tried talking to my counselor, my best friend, and even strangers in a hotline chat. All the emotions I decided to show were swept under the rug. Nobody takes me seriously, I might as well talk to a wall at this point. Where do you guys go when you need support but have nobody to support you?",3.230161290322581,4.858347500000002,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,74.0,6.250322580645161,26.916129032258066,6.742157984588678,1.0153767741935478,243,9,51,2,5,76,47,62,0.021,0.789,0.19,0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,10,5,8,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,1,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24718379063176554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26494982423748764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555713772822036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197695146441786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386231845399815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332207751158078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986980035387854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464928413871014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266061560479192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345740383937345,0.0,0.0,0.17709611635530825,0.3786348693887999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599156115083454,0.2561989421759845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117779695285694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yeetingaton,2019/03/25,"I am scared I don’t want to live anymore, life seems so dull and I don’t think I will do any good to the following years. School sucks, I can barely understand the material and keep myself focused on classs, being kind of inisible to the teachers doesn’t help either.
I’m only 14 but the concept of dying feels so welcoming that I would be surprised if I don’t make and attempt until 2 am.",1.7623750000000022,3.9513924875000015,3.797500000000003,85.64750000000002,80.375,6.5,23.75,7.6454224807358475,1.2555000000000005,309,11,62,5,8,105,57,80,0.076,0.742,0.182,0.8056,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,14,22,8,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,8,4,7,18,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,2,40,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355516358487692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676885589714508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28013481462651635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647989092529972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22639646916693476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809219895511409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23991770017067995,0.0,0.28108061467511675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906527980118787,0.0,0.0,0.23834470462316906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017399793008496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528666711614707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270237460835674,0.2731739081734155,0.0,0.24572544234322494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729541269747079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099671018324945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592060762112983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917437449743954,0.0,0.0,0.17381992164284704
suicidewatch,mutagen5577,2019/03/25,"My life is so shitty I can’t be around any person ever without having an anxiety attack. No friends. I do nothing. I have a job, but I can barely do that. When I say that I can’t be around any person, I absolutely mean it. The only reason I am able to do it for work is because of certain circumstances that allow it to be possible. I don’t want to talk about the specifics, but the reason I have to remain reclusive is due to physical/appearance issues. I literally cannot physically be around people unless certain accomodations are made.

Every day I think about when this joke will end. I think about all of the horrible decisions I have made that led me to this point. I think about how soulless the universe is and how terrifying it is that I am alive and feeling pain. The torture never ends. I do not like anything, and I am absolutely consumed by my problems. Literally every 5 minutes I am thinking about ending my life.

I can’t live like this. There is no chance of my permanent problems ever receiving a solution. No way out, no other options but to end my life. This is not speculation. I absolutely know that it will never improve. I don’t know why I have not killed myself yet.",2.8671712836519703,5.126834540772535,4.847750682793606,79.17020581349982,76.98283261802575,7.498166211470934,27.3291065158018,8.438071523408619,2.2167012875536485,940,39,173,19,22,322,116,233,0.197,0.6809999999999999,0.123,-0.9714,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,17,12,3,0,9,0,34,4,0,8,7,43,45,12,1,3,8,0,1,2,1,2,4,1,0,2,16,7,0,0,11,1,0,2,16,6,0,0,2,2,30,6,23,37,1,21,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,15,137,46,2,0.11320089522040065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396098114794818,0.0,0.0865983749991309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931546914250198,0.3023183901889244,0.0,0.1287823605250452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900621503363373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300521254075343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010495734378722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20479338120082352,0.19075327307552847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723777392976405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745873084031974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815232409419853,0.11233442132156883,0.0,0.12524001845340266,0.0,0.1244245031079316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398714201270949,0.1106084788132134,0.0,0.09995846441615537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21422684828136576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330896087461135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461501801560128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086193120090017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609438184281691,0.12045373377105302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847924742386514,0.19768531068875708,0.0,0.0,0.10701143574617522,0.12761700061394876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663593722217367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327787477380945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002189543050379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909865916044584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901382512216805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667688209350543,0.08985360155799642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214620066349916,0.0,0.0,0.1091216234091,0.0,0.08241159993660678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The-Figs,2019/03/25,"i never finished my masters thesis but walked the stage last year. Too depressed to finish it and I feel like a fraud. nobody knows old wounds resurfaced last year. my mom and stepdad divorced leaving our home in shambles. i was laid off and my sexual abuster still interacts with some of my family members despite knowledge of his abuse towards me

just a lot of baggage and depression that is killing me. i never presented my thesis to my committee and i feel like a fraud. i just want the strength to finish so i can make my parents proud but tonight is a rough night for me",3.8091818181818162,6.151364281818186,4.040000000000003,85.69000000000003,74.36363636363637,6.581818181818183,31.0,7.554174236665415,2.1462909090909097,461,22,83,6,10,143,73,110,0.233,0.6459999999999999,0.12,-0.9657,1,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,1,0,0,3,5,7,1,0,6,0,4,1,0,1,2,20,9,8,1,1,4,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,3,19,4,11,8,2,19,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,16,58,21,0,0.0,0.2307365132956967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354606721815813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358470017190245,0.0,0.19693403447194188,0.27824634732741216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534133197631065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21545231774417034,0.0,0.10702468711606236,0.3174801885240368,0.0,0.20620284421629054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028145649252204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655620297819911,0.0,0.0,0.12999128325333914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807857499222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003928840716266,0.0,0.0,0.1827514522755798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434816194367392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162370899072656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552059788085187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486342305878265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25081393462908425
suicidewatch,DWarrenPuppyTurtle,2019/03/25,"I'm having trouble imagining the world getting better (I'm sorry, but I can't keep this apolitical)

I'm an aspiring writer. The point of me is to make the world a better place by making people more empathetic and thoughtful. However, I'm seeing the American political world get worse, to the point where it is becoming impossible for me to imagine any positive change ever happening here again. By the time Trump gets out of office in 2024 (let's not pretend) the supreme court will be 7/9 conservatives, not to mention all the other federal judges he appoints. No overturn of citizens united will be possible in my lifetime. Corporate control over elections will continue to be absolute, the planet will die, and nothing will ever get better. Democracy is dead. America is dead. My life is worthless. Going on just means spending my lifetime publishing ignorable nonsense while watching america become a corporate dictatorship. Why should I subject myself to that?",7.104693689543987,9.499606443113775,7.720598802395212,62.590165822201776,65.40718562874252,11.126485490557348,39.1934592353754,11.051253699011982,5.5112601566098585,784,44,106,25,13,259,115,167,0.199,0.675,0.126,-0.9428,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,12,0,17,1,0,3,3,21,33,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,4,4,1,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,2,8,4,17,22,2,19,0,1,2,0,3,12,0,0,6,73,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050146793163415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34110180670850376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40973058753411584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336177110779465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320140162289624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026935526519911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793735281830577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227239350171731,0.0,0.08776360702557336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655801666060602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726053712505812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791060232040927,0.10907534309010428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061605268328168,0.0,0.0,0.16821471111092856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817549398734742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070592424100676,0.0,0.1613418470628874,0.0,0.2919641463512624,0.17409162107000234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230571813355954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728667764145107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225966486844844,0.09004678849866002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393450525721463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737284313773822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zanfum,2019/03/25,"This was a bad idea I'm just a tourist coming through, and I saw a mention of this sub earlier. I figured I'd stop by and see what's on the top posts, nothing too bad...

Then I went to new. 

Read about this guy who might not make it too tommorow... he's probably on his way up to that roof as I type this...and I couldn't bare to say anything. I couldn't even tell him to give the hot line a ring.

I've got my 1.5 month old in my arms, what if that was him.
I'm just a 19 year old kid, I've had some bad days, I probably need care I'm not getting, I'm probably in terrible shape...but I'm going to be haunted by the image of a shadow falling off a building, that glass shattering sound of bones hitting the concrete below...and I'm going to feel like that's my burden.

I should have never opened this sub, and I hope everyone here ends up okay.",1.183477477477478,2.3320313837837894,3.1248648648648647,94.62585585585586,78.4054054054054,6.446846846846848,23.144144144144143,7.03164865440522,0.5110252252252252,646,20,159,7,15,218,112,185,0.116,0.813,0.071,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,11,1,9,2,2,1,1,23,30,6,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,2,12,5,0,1,3,1,0,5,5,5,0,0,6,7,15,4,21,18,1,26,0,0,2,0,11,9,0,4,11,83,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229510815853604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37225472574133817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151995582777697,0.0,0.0,0.12801617814695435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584251986916456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316262235702771,0.0,0.0,0.0981569004325872,0.0,0.0,0.1420052446150685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514275069150488,0.10616852472508756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764369640348942,0.14256228249133365,0.16891937956336978,0.0,0.11885868442451605,0.0,0.0,0.14714935871736273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760536260053653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776498882467725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260437275239573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919974082454636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576539691485509,0.0,0.0,0.1186207724344975,0.0,0.0,0.11019400029305428,0.114618824815232,0.14353050682907398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425973325341173,0.0,0.3118868311081799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142329326087637,0.0,0.4806869865016552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486523316538845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818231878499875,0.0,0.0,0.11842461486324755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424638263776068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298935389458585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796137964574703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776491958336673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570132968800717
suicidewatch,manueljenkin,2019/03/26,"Hyperacusis and tinnitus. Exercise helped overcome. Now had testicle torsion and cant exercise for a while. Please help me. Hi. I've been suffering from hyperacusis and tinnitus for the last 1.5 years. The first 3-4 months were terrible, went to like 9 ENT doctors multiple wrong diagnosis and nothing happened. But later I myself found a decent workaround. Good exercise, dancing and singing (also flute once in a while) - basically anything that stretches my body and improves my breathing helped a lot. And using cotton when I go out..

Unfortunately this heavy exercise routine took a toll on my body and I lost 10kgs to be only 50kgs now. While I was on the search for a way to get my weight up another terrible thing happened a couple of weeks ago. I had a testicular torsion. One of my testes died and had to be surgically removed.

I'm less worried about the surgery and organ removal since I still have another left and it can be fully functional but I'm worried if I'll ever be able to exercise again. I just can't live with hyperacusis and tinnitus. It's been like 2 weeks and I'm able to walk a little freely without pain now. Please tell me I'll be able to get back to my usual routines!!

I had big urges to take off my life due to hyperacusis till I found dance to help. Now I'm worried I'll be back that situation again.

There are two thoughts happening parallel on my brain all the time.. your life will be miserable - take it off.. hang on there, you overcame a lot of shit, and everytime you became more capable.. you'll be back!! It just keeps swaying and I'm not able to stabilize.

The doc did orchiopexy on the left to make sure I don't get the same issue with the other one. The doc told that the torsion is not related to any of my activites but rather a kind of natural issue relating to how my body grew. Can stomach upset trigger testicle torsion? Because, in the last 3-5 ears I've had similar pains whenever I had a stomach upset.

I was a healthy (but underweight) male and I was learning classical dance (Bharatanatyam) for a year. I had been learning some hip hop for few years before. I have also been learning singing during the time I've been learning classical dance. I was starting to learn Parkour for a month or so. I can give up Parkour but I don't think I'd ever want to give up Bharatanatyam. Bharatanatyam has been my most effective cure for tinnitus. Will I be able to be back to normal?

Maybe if possible I'd want to be able to try acro-ballet and handball if my body will permit anytime. But they are not as big a priority as Bharatanatyam or singing which is perhaps my only way out of tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Other capabilities of mine include
1. Fairly decent hip hop dancer (waacking and locking are my favourites)
2. I play flute once in a while (started learning by myself)
3. Fairly competent long distance runner. Not a requirement for me anymore, but I did complete 3 10km runs all in under 50 mins and one 21km run in 2 hrs 15 minutes.
4. I play cricket once in a while but no longer feel interested by it.
5. Same is case for basketball.
6. Quite intelligent. Fairly good at math and VLSI, and I love science. Hope hormonal issues don't pop up and screw up my interests/capabilities.
7. Very hardworking and never give up attitude, especially in exercises, though a bit lethargic depending on the task.
8. Never was a weightlifter or gymmer of sorts. Like I do flexibility stretches and stuff like push ups/pull ups/planks but never do weight lifting or use gym equipments.

Which of these abilities will be affected and which won't be? Different doctors give different projections of what I should do and what I shouldn't. The surgeon who operated me said that I'll be perfectly back to who I was before, but some other doc's say the opposite.",3.4619995943204884,5.8437426496551765,4.76257099391481,79.9071019269777,75.60689655172413,8.126774847870184,29.972109533468558,8.925248442259385,2.781743610547667,3011,140,554,70,68,995,332,725,0.066,0.807,0.126,0.9936,2,0,0,0,0,0,94.0,0,4,1,7,27,26,2,3,37,0,64,29,12,9,9,101,102,58,1,10,25,0,4,4,0,8,13,3,0,1,23,31,2,2,12,18,0,16,16,12,0,5,30,7,54,14,76,50,13,94,0,3,0,2,22,32,2,15,48,352,77,13,0.3667203740867097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054179247497773385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977553835549066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156373829273781,0.12817942905612134,0.0,0.0,0.0606146783983263,0.0,0.0,0.050296603545409005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349877761457557,0.0,0.0372582227113011,0.0,0.10401734270532303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672727812641975,0.2715624429465631,0.0,0.06823020319835958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408322251380394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762818646565866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343297510362407,0.1277149128225782,0.0,0.12511794738350648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057319116635622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030904139975433106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198869380982754,0.0,0.1340299872688102,0.0,0.0,0.09579812981752107,0.2345277324976871,0.03473593994463571,0.10252921695121016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214480784612165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386995774440022,0.0,0.0,0.060706012821636623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138039680109376,0.0,0.05432631971194112,0.0,0.06364713952662114,0.0,0.0996420167989968,0.0,0.0,0.13281425315151435,0.0,0.08634181514245133,0.11944070067811476,0.06125835928898871,0.05397013482454538,0.05408933184159288,0.0,0.0,0.06671976807380804,0.10392418266794727,0.05516324255543088,0.0,0.04079811622220867,0.0,0.061403317723090274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757090129318746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141868004480831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598846840828474,0.058646348239896826,0.0,0.0,0.19527261497203904,0.12424960813951623,0.09296912318196326,0.13007211124569745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418294889523158,0.0,0.06890368683900812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500870972405234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813917564618847,0.048605126758631774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273886568110455,0.05055914717138462,0.06870151090913655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652218942599328,0.0,0.04881056074294419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699678485414136,0.0,0.0,0.05760493543656079,0.0,0.09190936079984607,0.0,0.05342162846776125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040605453583027834,0.039163268032509725,0.06005015093319229,0.04852250232692657,0.0712791997390295,0.0,0.0,0.0584028388160381,0.06790663816713513,0.04149651030788397,0.0,0.05970541982137623,0.0,0.0,0.10557621973588092,0.06731511369871747,0.05043045244767316,0.0721003926778692,0.09702852117388634,0.09805365462012994,0.14885554019787556,0.0,0.05665891013209842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058917559028753536,0.0,0.0,0.1862111704578125,0.0,0.0,0.0668251933891732,0.0,0.11807794875604448
suicidewatch,harryscowlpotter94,2019/03/26,I spend a lot of time hoping that I die in a freak accident so i don’t have to kill myself and my family doesn’t live with the guilt. All I want is to die. I just can’t do it myself. ,-1.0506818181818218,0.08442711363636413,2.3772727272727288,97.61090909090912,84.68181818181819,6.218181818181819,13.272727272727273,7.1686216300943375,-0.7598909090909087,139,1,39,2,4,51,33,44,0.406,0.513,0.081,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,8,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,5,8,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6699908323188438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304288926351052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320594075799568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571090313344815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28502128027565515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744166166335762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18821602755569425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038442553674734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmotionsRunRampant,2019/03/26,"I just don't see the point in life, it's made out to be the wonderous thing, but it just isn't and some people can't seem to see that. I'll start by asking a question, what is the point of life to you reading this? Everyone seems to have different answers to this question, but none seem right too me. 

I'm 18 years old and have had depression for the past two years or so. I am overweight and originally believed that to be the reason for my depression. I started going to the gym and eating more healthier as a way to combat this, and have actually made amazing progress so far. I'm still unhappy though, so that clearly wasn't my issue. I can't believe I'm so naive that I thought that was the only thing wrong. 

I am currently in my second year of college in the UK (pretty much dropped out at this point, haven't attended for a while now) and as the days go on, I'm discovering how useless the thing we call life is. I've failed my education, I'm struggling to find a job, and I have no money to my name whatsoever. All around me I see successful people, and I fucking hate it so much. I have so much envy for others. I wish I could be those people but it's just not a possible thing for me anymore, I tried. 

I've given up caring these days and nobody I speak to seems to understand that. I wouldn't mind dropping off the planet right now and being at peace finally, but I still feel as though there is hope for me, I just need to find out what life means to me. That's the issue at hand. 

Maybe my time may come soon. Maybe later on in life. I just wish something would take me away now, so I don't have to deal with my thoughts and feelings...
",3.685588794524023,4.260364938775513,4.812675877804541,87.11983521358856,71.62390670553934,8.064342755735835,26.5748510584358,8.18289091462,1.4293938141716316,1286,40,285,18,23,424,164,343,0.139,0.747,0.114,-0.8469,3,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,0,3,24,12,2,1,17,0,28,9,1,5,2,63,64,30,0,7,11,0,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,24,18,2,0,17,2,1,4,11,8,0,2,8,7,34,4,44,48,7,50,0,4,3,1,9,22,1,11,21,198,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.08066680575708486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819791200040433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358726902760987,0.07727840338959152,0.0,0.07766426496163467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862649610377226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440779071490152,0.0,0.08428006370438383,0.0,0.0,0.07120653903622086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599938627585594,0.0,0.0,0.1066211197862698,0.08522154510622387,0.1423944096651999,0.0,0.0,0.08636485783018824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458451049381066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898768843437412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359342214171467,0.0,0.0,0.0905528741328932,0.151104298336296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642027236849698,0.0,0.0,0.09395815879650568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161223656905843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210264644758647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255662523058116,0.08202990837922902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29193531220341273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643476443063598,0.0,0.0,0.16609145128803024,0.0900438409161072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346569504559581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229964001893706,0.06129329508976111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674052817251751,0.0,0.0,0.06286865745554543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891083684377982,0.17192358495590804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344287218427961,0.09318969862342842,0.0,0.0840976156987881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520213479152572,0.0,0.0826850028641431,0.0,0.0,0.08499095435283667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118687415232545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761424883570186,0.3010118266287245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636377335540865,0.0,0.0,0.1170180744563997,0.0,0.1320289712770613,0.0,0.0,0.08641693218332011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062152012660959224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966952164468226,0.0,0.16243123479968882,0.13124979448098234,0.048201246163498745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561225018125803,0.0,0.08074938126807807,0.08605471639641789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561375059071929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011589726707312,0.0,0.08964409953363284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872116290542353,0.09037861278656388,0.0,0.15969607670425795
suicidewatch,homelesshillbilly24,2019/03/26,"I have made life worse... So a little backstory, I left home and long story short, it became stagnant. I knew I had to leave. So after staying in a group home where the guy of the household just wanted someone to join his glorified personality cult. I somehow ended up in my grandparent's basement and boy, am I regretting that.

​

So to now, I'm 24. I can't find work. My friends have abandoned me. My Family has abandoned me. I had to sell my only means of transportation but my cousin wouldn't let me spend the money on a good investment ""until I got a job first"". Well, no one has hired me for over a week at this point. I feel like a failure. I found my old noose today and it reminded me of how BIG OF A FAILURE I FUCKING AM. I GIVE THE FUCK UP ON EVERYTHING. I CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF MY GOD DAMN MOM OR MYSELF. FUCK THIS WORLD. FUCK THE EMPLOYERS WHO REFUSE ME A CHANCE. FUCK MY FAMILY. FUCK MY FRIENDS. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

WHY DOES LIFE NOT FUCKING WORK FOR ME. I HAVE SKILLS. A LOT OF FUCKING SKILLS. YET, THE WORLD SPITS IN MY DAMN FACE. I'M 24 BUT THANKS TO THE MOTHERFUCKING STRESS, I LOOK FUCKING 40. I HATE LIFE. FUCK THIS.",0.03465728900255982,2.3989390999999998,1.7212787723785183,94.77056265984655,94.95652173913044,4.966751918158568,19.373401534526852,6.661559191721324,0.2837979539641946,883,29,190,13,34,286,134,230,0.307,0.569,0.124,-0.9963,3,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,5,11,25,14,1,16,0,13,16,2,2,0,23,39,11,0,3,5,2,1,1,2,1,3,0,2,3,7,3,0,3,5,0,4,1,5,18,1,2,6,2,36,7,24,31,1,29,0,3,1,11,12,17,13,3,11,118,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569470340058194,0.09610381590785436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063820494672141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921277466456538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700508545863579,0.0,0.0,0.0522386388695532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108159066695395,0.0,0.14911928174151098,0.0,0.03999061706043042,0.05650238748355815,0.0,0.0,0.07228743573516652,0.06727447996525733,0.0,0.08671883281240275,0.12221050447972585,0.8042985073723968,0.0,0.07587097349919561,0.0,0.06633749808053305,0.06325603054699906,0.0,0.0,0.07831219380446812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808565833195652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586687730048416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848528196236976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374559534045536,0.08593223985801661,0.08087556438425299,0.16759222882803354,0.038639704308589484,0.07926962504129274,0.0,0.06999275043574069,0.06641623981757648,0.0,0.0,0.06724005579342862,0.0,0.07483750035593269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615292132966616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263003194607322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299234932351512,0.0,0.0535938820598776,0.06015201533790252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905891874767119,0.0,0.0,0.07476624358703092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701326451253876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430012644406376,0.0,0.0,0.09059809050730867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059466337761500336,0.0,0.0,0.07281605894506697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496870339333651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664972388455732,0.0,0.06344176146636753,0.0,0.07111200700281846,0.0,0.07136702416003128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151578934025752,0.0,0.0806001454018525,0.0,0.0,0.09610381590785436,0.0
suicidewatch,rsisson9634,2019/03/26,"I had some really really unpleasant dark thoughts. But what scares me now is that the dark thoughts happened. I hated myself. I have never felt this way. Do you think writing a note would help me through it or not? A few days ago I got scarily down and actually almost considered walking into traffic. I’m a pretty positive person and don’t like the fact that I thought of hurting myself not to mention the fact of jumping into moving into moving traffic. 

I know people who do and have these thoughts on a daily basis and I know people who have attempted to kill themselves and I feel so bad for them that have to deal with  it on the daily 

My thought that night was to send a ”goodbye” text to a handful of people before jumping into the road without looking back. 

I can’t shake that feeling of having my thoughts going that far into a dark spiral I almost can’t forgive myself for having them because I know myself a well enough that it wasn’t the person I normally am! I am a positive person! 
I love the life I live!
And I would hope I would never do this in actually. 

My question is tho do I write a note like I wanted to and then just immediately delete it or do i not write it at all and forget about it and try to get over it? 
I don’t know what to do! I’m hurt and confused. Please help....",2.5543114564390805,4.4157001064638814,4.258918829558606,84.89485534799141,76.45247148288973,6.399008100512482,25.122995536452308,7.255503002510835,1.220888047611176,1020,36,199,12,23,343,127,263,0.117,0.755,0.128,-0.4712,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,2,1,7,14,2,3,17,0,26,3,1,0,5,59,51,16,1,6,8,0,4,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,21,16,0,0,16,0,0,8,11,8,1,0,11,5,33,6,29,37,4,30,0,2,1,1,19,13,0,8,10,155,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.2028927812985076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215102185483597,0.0,0.2081945134103821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799360075870997,0.08679920052127335,0.06337081915880348,0.0,0.08845918745285372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704323834186794,0.1071744204501326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741468711593083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512689672916124,0.0,0.09981438764372508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431289630978847,0.0,0.05908078293479334,0.0,0.08314338061803674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192824695525838,0.0,0.0,0.10263536227870113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139359484995393,0.0,0.0,0.10325210062167237,0.0,0.0,0.2225748212216409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501228631345008,0.0,0.2285267401359025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342743634917802,0.101575632062795,0.0,0.09179535160449613,0.0,0.0872971424008132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382465436637966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097827227098105,0.0,0.0,0.16035507415795142,0.0,0.0,0.09755598163615724,0.1018551398654108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621070770767936,0.27231199540294715,0.0,0.11411284234520785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576096939478448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164548908240782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331941849985502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040784303277764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661102423984236,0.0,0.4951783251582112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057953007631555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131614195706238,0.08251570285841156,0.0,0.0,0.09346923310900553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021020077688203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154280099130613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Corndog666420,2019/03/26,I can't take it anymore it's not fair I can't take it anymore. I just want someone to love me. is that too much to ask for? Nobody has ever showed any affection towards me. I'm tired of suffering. Soon I will end it all. There is no point to life if you have to live it alone ,-1.8803942652329724,0.009565225806454691,0.7998924731182804,101.59761648745524,98.35483870967741,4.0458781362007175,16.566308243727597,5.82211442006289,-0.6918874551971324,212,6,54,2,9,72,45,62,0.181,0.6859999999999999,0.133,-0.3098,1,1,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,7,13,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,7,12,2,5,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579492736025037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936817594258768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4939977941043312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328358782363121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059171813945835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252874797268773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591723385483068,0.0,0.0,0.21992303065304172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478482818096968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830864981858123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354405842596004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102627861207787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745216727398881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28625586330735936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690103073246252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wafflecult,2019/03/26,"im afraid of my own unpredictability they keep the gun in the coffee table and i know myself. im afraid i'm going to snap and shoot myself right in the living room. 

i don't want to do it that way but i know it'll be the only way i'll ever die, because putting thought into the consequences usually scares me out of it. but i don't want to traumatize anyone or get anyone in trouble for using their gun to kill myself. i live with my boyfriend and i think doing that to him will crush me even after im dead. but i don't have the strength to do anything. i just feel like im destined to kill myself and i cant force myself to suppress it anymore. everyone says ""fake it til you make it"" but i just can't fake anything. the fakeness of everything is why i want to die. 

",1.7162891986062725,3.256808085365858,3.6566202090592337,89.71085365853662,77.90243902439025,6.393031358885017,22.68989547038328,7.1686216300943375,0.6811895470383278,602,18,133,7,14,204,88,164,0.319,0.645,0.037000000000000005,-0.995,0,0,0,3,0,3,12.0,0,1,2,1,4,11,2,3,7,0,13,0,0,2,1,27,27,10,5,3,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,8,7,0,2,5,0,0,2,5,9,0,0,1,2,24,2,21,23,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,86,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084342338681135,0.184503130298802,0.0,0.2171414570366594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042595519222437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738540511137225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714139387531424,0.11934217296292594,0.0,0.12606892535141415,0.11857408660781732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670997154581172,0.09425392600476228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893025248773592,0.0,0.07498133153570143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5700469522108561,0.0,0.0,0.11726931230097992,0.2919316211589735,0.0,0.1450153367619986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445645915064156,0.0,0.23300089640618374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806720311485122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034201836773356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326304622662551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267121402658413,0.0,0.10491949058043497,0.13208930048769846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845382042071568,0.0,0.1047411366934663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139489178487692,0.1453070469851051,0.0,0.23345489380092835,0.20944669198973356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905022980342335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SarkasticWanderer,2019/03/26,"“A permanent solution to a temporary problem” Ever hear that phrase? Those stupid, pointless, falsely manufactured words. My counselor told me those words today. I almost told her straight to her face, “no shit Sherlock”. You don’t fucking find temporary solutions to fucking problems, and also, what in the holy fuck is a temporary problem? All fucking problems are temporary. What the fuck are people thinking when they hear that fucking phrase? Probably, “oh yeahhhhh. Makes sense you shouldn’t kill yourself you can get better” yeah well this fucking “getting better” is actually a temporary solution to a problem. Taking ones own life is a permanent solution to a regular problem. ALL FUCKING PROBLEMS ARE TEMPORARY. If it was not able to be fixed then it is not a problem. Right now all the drugs I’m doing and all the time I’m fucking around with is just temporary. Soon the permanent solution will come. Soon it will be time. And you know what? Who the fuck agreed that a permanent solution is a bad fucking thing? Who on earth decided that? What the fuck. It’s a good thing and it is acceptable to take your own life. It’s an okay thing to do. Because finding a permanent solution is what YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO when you face a problem. And all problems are temporary. Don’t believe me? Okay then, What’s the human lifespan? Exactly everything, not just problems, are temporary. So it shouldn’t matter what kind of problem you have, why wait? Why keep fucking around with temporary solutions? Why not have one final, permanent, solution? ",3.520139751552797,6.672173467391308,4.244848861283646,78.67447826086959,82.44202898550725,8.081821946169772,32.52339544513457,8.759644201051973,3.688672587991718,1231,68,197,34,35,392,124,276,0.209,0.654,0.13699999999999998,-0.9855,0,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,8,1,2,13,37,16,0,22,3,29,19,3,1,7,51,58,12,1,15,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,26,10,0,2,6,0,0,1,9,29,1,2,3,2,15,8,16,49,7,19,0,0,0,13,18,6,14,2,12,141,41,0,0.054599801090611404,0.0,0.053281529748441324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054673813867320335,0.0,0.0,0.043663441205797134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721079760138608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558855327544537,0.033283531967805084,0.0,0.0,0.06151527861726463,0.0,0.09657817411774718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703289404277333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633184349755153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938864598406285,0.0,0.0,0.04907078060474356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059811413277571814,0.09980645807604192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6561962718843583,0.05705228509231915,0.0,0.0,0.04579572268478795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307588804358452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485308119186571,0.06040659027321853,0.05685729079211005,0.0300066227712434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713090843650018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03644579120238691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399647654591393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03785262732013885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058867820278985135,0.6269356293541333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046627931803137415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560459111992879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210451078210819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882104518538938,0.034985347895523315,0.0,0.0,0.06367516619180963,0.0,0.05175422724672907,0.10434489953030243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049091778352965056,0.0,0.14780348408544133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LowerResult,2019/03/26,"Best ways to punish yourself? Lately I have really gotten into punishing myself. I realize I started it kind of when I was younger and would punch/slap/cut myself, but now I have really really realized self-flagellation is perfect because I get to control how much pain I deserve without permanently scarring myself (my legs are scarred and I rarely wear shorts in public because of it), recently I have disappointed myself and others and I have been making sure I have been giving myself at least 2 hard whips per mistake, which has really helped me do better. I'm not religious but the idea of a pain-based ""religion"" has really appealed to m lately. Any ideas on some others way I can really truly hurt myself without permanent \*visible\* scars? (I also have developed a lot of stretch marks despite my average weight which is good psychological torture, despite the itching new ones have caused), thanks in advance!",8.131717791411043,9.113900239263804,8.430803680981597,63.65000920245402,61.94478527607362,11.427975460122699,37.158895705521466,11.20814326018867,4.783427484662576,741,34,107,20,10,244,110,163,0.153,0.6829999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.439,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,5,4,14,3,0,4,0,18,5,3,4,2,24,25,9,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,4,2,22,7,14,20,5,17,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,2,7,81,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566339776313692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985215242456172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108904750317052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386610818252919,0.11685723508304405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573273085420004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819374624654502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903187342234987,0.1267500376154264,0.0,0.11082341492705357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183615015032742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885631864809246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414466722409478,0.29831478947276363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759187015024896,0.0,0.0,0.29809420757711164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123312277147835,0.0,0.0,0.08819703684048512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712991150974727,0.0,0.0,0.1276108716949889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953393180223569,0.0,0.2811888354102885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078707679462793,0.0,0.1304613043618628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783921220166034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352148377098088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452988234114774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164649779262678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975547032469727,0.0,0.16089734990749047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547350027588661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386054776894942,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whynot2381,2019/03/26,"About another post I made (If anyone looks through post history and sees no post here this is a throwaway)

I made a post on here on a different account. The only one person who knows my reddit account came up to me and even told me to do it. This is great. ",1.5547169811320742,3.4851195660377385,3.2383396226415115,90.72505660377364,79.75471698113208,6.504150943396226,23.807547169811322,7.554174236665415,1.052603018867924,199,7,43,3,5,66,38,53,0.042,0.88,0.078,0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,10,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,5,1,7,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727747588228586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154938298967958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517798319133968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656255157083796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426235347436447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742110465580585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033948748955474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798723793816255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560385233462468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748613020369978,0.14308625097945185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427349482457776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7207308686450079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992039568638274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977244415628424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isgaldream,2019/03/26,"Boyfriend is talking about suicide. What should i do? My boyfriend lost his job a year back. He got 2 offers but failed background check. He is not willing to do part time job to support himself. He planned to do suicide around december 2018. He is thinking about it again. 

He do not have any relatives or friends.  He do not have any money.  That's why i am staying here with him until he gets a job  and planning to break up and move on 

What should i do to avoid any problems?
Will i go to jail if he does something? I m paying all his bills until now and staying positive 
Should i call police and let them know about his intentions right away? ",1.723850446428571,4.160936898437502,2.2647767857142864,95.1096875,82.359375,4.9071428571428575,25.549107142857146,6.18269132825596,0.7038419642857141,505,21,105,4,14,155,82,128,0.157,0.755,0.08800000000000001,-0.8693,3,1,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,4,8,6,0,1,2,0,18,0,0,1,1,21,25,9,2,5,6,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,4,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,13,2,16,17,2,17,0,2,0,0,18,5,0,2,7,69,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256154503369777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420843962939209,0.0,0.0,0.1499563762387309,0.1227282140576117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297696795529446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396734833579405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331225663427675,0.0,0.08338826225632416,0.0,0.09070854541755694,0.0,0.12765259264225068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751570549140256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771603538845459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632093475638576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423029640821636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963737319382274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283922597653842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272269578048958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630382023711388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228735496374142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34024043581611724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491691106509955,0.1811205498332552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828635662106624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226995678507526,0.0,0.0,0.09306833983994957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402082432948884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027819120927869
suicidewatch,fubtdikhn,2019/03/26,"Have to get something off my chest I just fucked up big time. I am vulnerable right now and if my secret is reveled I think I need to say Goodbye. Anyways not before dragging who could destroy my life down into hell with me. I will not act unless he exposes me guys I am so anxious I couldnt bear the fact my close ones know what I did. I would need to flee somewhere into the most hidden and remote tribe of africa to somewhat cope with the situation that in this scenario would be the case, and also more booze than my liver can handle. However I am a man of principles so I will find him and destroy him like he destroyed me, I wont expect a reasonable solution, either he will expose me or not. I really hope for him that he values his live. I've deleted every trail of my existence as good as I could he must not find me. I dont want this to happen I dont want this to happen I dont want this to happen I dont want this to happen I dont want this to happen I dont know what to think I am so confused",1.1309722222222265,2.8829790416666685,3.372,90.12300000000002,80.3425925925926,5.986666666666667,20.985185185185188,6.961326702584282,0.4390007407407413,787,22,173,9,20,270,114,216,0.191,0.7709999999999999,0.038,-0.9786,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,5,1,6,0,25,5,2,1,2,45,44,13,0,16,9,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,0,2,11,9,1,0,8,0,0,2,12,6,0,1,1,1,36,3,26,32,4,13,1,0,0,1,14,9,2,6,3,126,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781154824211043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035175730495167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311935987672579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598070420341276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6868886206185996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230047863855837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855737903490335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030453593638488,0.051034305246435575,0.0,0.0,0.08193021144358087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671957463969527,0.4318950502220639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701930072752236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736587629710527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899499851256903,0.04772201598976463,0.0,0.08625413690456125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485848839697454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066191192256264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257696749861189,0.10043236504856154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341906378686523,0.0,0.07767987371778615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979756761348404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519962725249467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251801165028709,0.0,0.0,0.05695859268023985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880740043140118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877959869729856,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsfxnrir,2019/03/26,"I wrote my first suicide note yesterday. And I feel relieved. I wrote everything I couldn't say back in the day. I feel like I've completed an important task. 

I'm not sure if it's gonna be of use before the summer since I want all my important ones to spend one last summer with me, and I'm going to turn 22 in a few months. 

I'm not afraid of it, I never was, but somehow I feel more relaxed towards it.

I still have to write a couple more for specific people to talk about specific issues that I never got to tell. I'll also make a Windows folder with all the notes, pictures, music and etc inside.

Told a friend about the suicide notes and he insists that it's not a kindness to leave a suicide note since it apparently tortures the ones that I leave behind. I think it's selfish. *I* got *tortured, drained, tired to death*. I have nothing else to give, and I'll have nothing else to say after my notes are done. If that's going to be a torture, let it be. Let's see those ignoring all the cries for help that I did, all the scars that I made; let's see *you* get tortured for a bit.   
Maybe that helps those who failed to save mine, to save another life after I'm gone.",1.9455074160811885,3.581702270491803,3.4496252927400484,91.02527322404372,77.52459016393442,6.28696330991413,23.504293520686964,7.07126945348624,0.7353277127244335,910,29,199,10,21,300,127,244,0.213,0.66,0.127,-0.9851,1,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,1,0,2,6,16,4,1,16,0,14,2,0,3,7,36,40,9,4,4,6,0,3,1,1,1,2,2,1,0,17,7,0,1,4,1,1,3,6,8,0,4,10,7,22,8,27,22,9,19,0,1,2,0,15,3,0,3,14,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797902091159096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536040532264133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459480683182492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936147313452018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201079753190364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534871980646245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172959513648222,0.1208464010946951,0.07095062623349732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125836247737054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380696749796255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269589702277567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988744614201328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688079233771635,0.07859479619081898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357877210500784,0.0,0.0,0.08499737904664871,0.0,0.05747833936786431,0.10553649083772826,0.12504821220639498,0.0,0.1759782214558036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474815801942857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482716224881775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456377778376566,0.0,0.08967697492290212,0.0,0.2329801727255225,0.0,0.33749362368700764,0.07770690558127498,0.053747811734341545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040989301490393,0.07343592116849824,0.0,0.11052493637788344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878129884316254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970082610285445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112487560496515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236471992690536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627060530710082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497681694865833,0.0,0.0,0.17533555247667112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201122452821428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785818618159215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610159289040323,0.0,0.1036879123191707,0.0,0.0,0.08842595519579005,0.09615803032385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049322199760269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644615228811196,0.0,0.10512412494615173,0.0,0.0,0.11966481702349276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501770752802263,0.0,0.0,0.06488974544892763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cowboysteven69,2019/03/26,"i want to die, but i’m too much of a coward to do anything. living is so hard and exhausting but i’m
too scared to kill myself. i just want to go to sleep and not wake up or just get ran over by a fucking semi truck. ",0.3629999999999996,1.2357219000000017,2.9730000000000025,96.01150000000004,80.0,5.8000000000000025,18.5,5.985473137389443,-0.43200000000000005,165,3,43,1,4,58,36,50,0.371,0.586,0.042,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,2,0,2,4,2,0,0,10,10,6,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,9,9,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,28,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609222138750525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290693830205844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29312680231488913,0.1656563820425131,0.0,0.1801986160596824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840331160099123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35079181070463505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27997928426403323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330834863827526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174431376007456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317299738113312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740330907590169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chuggison,2019/03/26,"Conclusion of me starting to go out with a ""peer group"" It's summer 2017.   
People invited me out to go partying with them and I agree because there's nothing better to do. I quickly get used to having nothing better to do. There's not really much going on for me though. I'm the quiet one that drinks the most but is always on his phone reading something. I don't talk much and I never really would. There's this nice girl that made me feel appreciated. I tried getting close to her around halloween 2017. She doesn't want to. I understand. Fast forward to december. She feels lost and gets back to the one guy that knows the feeling of being lost better than anyone. Since I was young my parents would never get my struggle. I got my pants and underwear pulled down in fifth grade and was punished as much as the guy who did it because I was trying to hurt him for it right after he did it. My parents never talked about it. I never had any help get rid of the baggage that was given to me from the get-go. My biological mother abuses me more and more year for year because she won't keep contact with people that she thought dear of, because ""she only needs me and my biological father"". But he's not the one to bear the burden of her mental issues ir the problems she has, because he's not the one that's at home because he can't stand the school that he's forced to stay in to not get thrown out.  
I feel like I only exist to help my mother with her emotional baggage.   
Back to the girl again. I have a hard time at home, and she's the only one being supportive. I quickly fell for her completely, but all of my sown relationship seeds would ever sprout to a youth romance.       
Jan 26th 2018      
She tells me that she after all doesn't want to have a relationship with me, I get pretty sad but understand it. In the meantime she kinda forced me into therapy which wouldn't help me in the end, but that's really whatever. We continue, or rather I, to regularly message the other one. 2 months later after still dating she asked me about wanting to do it with the one I love. Of course I'd said yes, but it would never come to be, since she was too afraid to break of the last working machanism of someones brain. How wrong she was there... It goes on and on and on, we never worked out, she had a couple bfs but always would keep contact with me since she dyed my hair once a month. Forgot to mention that she openly told my friends that I was pretty disgusting didn't I? So. We still talk into the late 2018. I help her get through her drama, but what does she care when I try to kill myself at night with pills and drugs? Right. Her boyfriend quit the relationship and now she's sad. ""you're the only one to make me laugh"". Get what that was about now.     December 2018    
My only good friend I'd say quit a relationship too with a really toxic person. That toxic person threatened him with ending her life if he quit the relationship. You can guess how I hate her for talking like that. This other guy from the group still hangs out with her, and I grow to hate him for it. He does some racist stuff and I now can't stand him and avoid him. The girl I talked about for quite a bit, let's give her a name now, hannah, brought up an argument because I had just stopped messaging her for no reason apparently. Remember how I said I'd been the one to always message her? Well I grew sick of it. And for some stupid reason she said that she was air to me as soon as she had a bf. Though I helped her through 3 relationships and coupled her with one of my closest friends at the time, essentially ruining my friendship with him. She sees her fault, though doesn't admit it, but hey take a guess, I'm too depressed and suicidal to take care of her then too. We don't talk all december. We were at the same places a couple of times, but I was sick of engaging conversations with her so I waited for her to do it. She never did. Didn't even greet me on new years eve when we were at the same party. Later in the night she comes and triea to talk to me, I told her it's too late for that now if you can't even greet me, she walks off, not caring whatsoever. No contact since then. Now let's go over the last 3 months. When my mother makes me uncomfortable I can't control myself anymore and smash my hand on my desk or similar to the point where I can't really grip things anymore. I talked to her about it multiple times, how it started making me physically sick and mentally ill to the point where I got diagnosabally ill. I'm now thinking about dealing drugs to have enough money for my own. Now I only take weed and alcohol, I'm highly against anything else but with my alcoholism I don't think anythimg could kill me faster. Really being honest the women that have... plagued... my life to this point I'm back to square one where I can't basically talk to females in person and try to do so at any cost. I feel like any day is going to get me down from this 4th story balcony in a couple seconds. I don't want the restriction of being in an enclosed facility for people that try suicide or anything. I want to get rid of my non caring patents and feel appreciated by someone. But that won't ever happen as life shows me. Being told by the only guy in the peer that knows what frustration is that the others can't stand me because I'm so awkward, but they are the ones that are privileged enough to have self confidence and don't understand what it's like to just feel empty on a sunny day near the park when you're sober. I'm sitting here writing this at 2 am because I'm slowly growing too insomnic to sleep. U always have the crying kinda dry throat, but I can't cry. I don't ever want to school again. I stopped talking to most of my what I once called them ""friends"" since they obviously don't want to tolerate me when I'm in a bad mood. I probably will be up all night thinking only about how much I hate myself again but won't have the energy to do anything about it.    
But maybe I'll save up and just do something about it. It'll take care of all my problems at once.        
  It'll leave me happy without the struggle of dealing with people that don't know how deep the feeling of being empty can be, or how shallow they think when I say that I feel like I always do. ",3.903099375976417,4.827884054988218,4.85649999558682,85.71974950793049,71.37234878240379,7.732345957968879,25.536677934985036,7.973499152223876,1.2928001076815807,4914,143,1033,64,89,1604,423,1273,0.158,0.732,0.11,-0.9967,5,1,7,0,1,3,120.0,6,2,5,13,74,58,9,5,62,1,90,20,5,15,16,185,189,75,4,20,32,6,13,5,5,12,13,6,2,12,62,60,3,10,25,4,2,16,40,27,1,13,37,21,168,30,168,128,21,158,1,7,2,1,148,60,0,14,83,709,230,9,0.0,0.03975096906415605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170896178234971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395804030227762,0.0,0.0,0.06844494383743044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654467618668206,0.02345876610257001,0.0,0.08282575981575077,0.029866391519346874,0.031364488479081805,0.0,0.0,0.07739306328752023,0.02801264086954968,0.184064552350652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890160856076495,0.036627638990029535,0.0,0.0,0.03745261789685355,0.034258047051976895,0.0,0.1710310365592039,0.0,0.0,0.05780027990427256,0.035176275811915604,0.0,0.03762889875275634,0.026786746357059996,0.14848864626077346,0.0737056526143815,0.04327362803167945,0.0691766406243771,0.028896351538956293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871922670818585,0.0,0.0,0.03286598364245804,0.07781412007853264,0.0,0.02802651210914392,0.03773895441561683,0.0594302429211005,0.06933172278599861,0.0,0.04431858849142131,0.09104301213239348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526738603297522,0.07190384686093369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368181818234072,0.0,0.21034032338189207,0.03218397842783554,0.11440258053334705,0.02813993954095096,0.05366560170937329,0.0,0.07391766673620777,0.13287811344960268,0.029667934177501912,0.03571433399677086,0.030053987223463963,0.0993703004208455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124384551210401,0.03544715414132217,0.06730627184601891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03591570254128065,0.0,0.0,0.035017223743281624,0.0,0.05964112075112661,0.0742356577649556,0.0,0.05531419755658047,0.05469505009087256,0.07569116133309019,0.035524342308485536,0.0,0.06861378731378524,0.07109154434839952,0.08195356884004999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324703321109557,0.0,0.030279960318653668,0.03174558577496054,0.06718415831210102,0.0,0.03370523446333935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676205164275138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033727394952027,0.0,0.09865170963379097,0.02487671539998072,0.18112945475961173,0.03240255876096842,0.0,0.09445250630782996,0.0,0.06438378221706584,0.0,0.0,0.10718817021554784,0.2728101561681978,0.20412878071705906,0.0,0.0,0.07450605670209852,0.0,0.0,0.09303669266987463,0.0878830459944577,0.035052349292937365,0.0,0.0951460773372367,0.0,0.0,0.06826431662686634,0.036172306198990575,0.06420516179179292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273716044397994,0.033558830229074826,0.0,0.128956978216486,0.06898946385284017,0.0,0.21611926280463647,0.0380053279650644,0.05730260840695134,0.09574048859202734,0.05336021746929034,0.0,0.06790827867988591,0.0267348079974462,0.0,0.034999707419953965,0.0,0.0,0.13876350438937127,0.0,0.03357398041900559,0.0,0.056853190620343115,0.051656475117105125,0.0,0.0,0.047493373143710924,0.03575957083203,0.08037862391477976,0.056098188506393656,0.0,0.0701469687513342,0.03840643840482493,0.07339596491364311,0.038071860067795615,0.0,0.0,0.10090095030710523,0.26966019164479155,0.029323961305142945,0.0,0.03836706437549591,0.0,0.022288963923386463,0.0859893035317187,0.09888738060815157,0.026634754901232082,0.07825251887520568,0.0,0.0,0.09617467501494374,0.0,0.1138903939722833,0.0,0.0,0.10477942255272962,0.0,0.028976213109513826,0.0,0.0,0.13851958747131354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030165255482889824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03234076292143115,0.0,0.04884923688375711,0.0,0.0,0.11916390327970368,0.03668138619801474,0.0,0.06481481938354702
suicidewatch,potatofarmer973,2019/03/26,"I wish no one would miss me I know it’s something to be grateful for in life, to have people that love you and care about you, but I wish I didn’t have them. The only thing that has prevented me from killing myself for the past few years is the state I know I would leave my mum in afterwards. I love her so much but it feels like I’m just waiting until no one will miss me, and then I can finally die.",0.7690909090909095,2.356187727272733,2.243181818181821,98.57227272727276,80.81818181818181,5.763636363636365,18.954545454545453,6.6274283507984215,-0.2428454545454546,312,7,78,3,8,101,60,88,0.19,0.596,0.214,0.3716,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,2,1,0,3,7,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,0,14,22,7,2,4,3,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,1,1,17,4,9,17,2,9,0,2,0,2,7,2,0,0,7,57,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049981404559591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867268019203547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166399585024373,0.14364015633910032,0.0,0.2202557757347787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244751747255198,0.0,0.22099902388159728,0.0,0.0,0.21289773659413014,0.0,0.0,0.14201744399492328,0.09822971054802736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629362063917275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478051691273579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724923296432478,0.15291822650436745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919383316028156,0.13939245600676986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478888444101827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357798236235668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624273368796582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856601827745682,0.0,0.0,0.1294786189583063
suicidewatch,ferahm,2019/03/26,"Broken things should go to the trash I am absolutely a broken person. I've gone through so much trauma that I am too broken to hold friendships, have meaningful relationships and hold down careers. 

I deserve to die. Maybe in the next life, I won't get a shitty roll.",4.523823529411764,6.320358588235294,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,70.9607843137255,7.452941176470588,26.47549019607843,8.07648339933343,1.6746431372549018,212,7,39,3,4,68,39,51,0.28300000000000003,0.586,0.131,-0.8762,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,8,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865350070871059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458507570369046,0.0,0.2116668305521422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630661266752903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37416709231269374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737870239821396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960952799238656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252011574947429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998623035062453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743328312838495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IronWaffleHunter,2019/03/26,"I'm only getting worse and I only have myself to blame. I've barely left my apartment in the past 9 months. I've pushed all my friends, family and anyone close to me away completely. I feel emotionless at work everyday. Its draining to do anything and I can't stop thinking about ending it. I could use one of the many cables I have to hang my self or I could just go up the street and buy a gun. 

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder back in high school. Ive only gotten worse since then. I repeat over and over to myself ""kill yourself, you're worthless, you're nothing, you don't matter"" and much more. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage half the time and some other me is in control and on auto pilot. I don't know how to ask for help any more. I can't make eye contact and I've been growing more and more hateful in the past few months. 

I just want to die.",1.6144086021505366,3.6540549569892478,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,80.07526881720429,6.2838709677419375,22.6989247311828,7.3871296695380915,0.8949376344086026,706,23,148,10,18,234,114,186,0.204,0.721,0.075,-0.9795,0,1,0,1,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,2,0,7,0,13,2,1,4,1,32,27,14,2,3,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,13,0,2,4,0,1,4,4,4,0,2,3,3,21,2,22,22,9,31,0,2,1,0,6,16,0,2,12,92,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405614643392286,0.0,0.10580745042188333,0.0,0.0,0.09671018848126377,0.0,0.11381807562344608,0.0,0.129302009285907,0.0,0.12994763179339938,0.10635253512415098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450163341483926,0.0,0.15512742122966042,0.2208599785397299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912696480004388,0.14038263946805055,0.14354486483060885,0.0,0.3170325197102574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250239354569585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038719545262753,0.0,0.13986828107093827,0.09880932571992072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685864864601492,0.0,0.07226173018695202,0.0,0.07860526478494005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655336688953054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270687247362612,0.1461330465184234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302050463969033,0.0,0.07601204666942113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027518404322152,0.0,0.0,0.0675717133167133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232359145844046,0.14022553124957474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079686180021355,0.0,0.10167441662285057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271302689417513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372303693521697,0.3155749875858975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406678478834555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997800229250898,0.0,0.0,0.1442884202252228,0.0,0.0,0.11441219546791564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563409516488668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862403200965947,0.0,0.0,0.08065019081210015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945619897660965,0.0,0.0,0.08157934500369395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006919734298492,0.0,0.28190122133873025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sourjiii,2019/03/26,"oh boy i have a moderately good life. just because i want to pull the plug all the time doesn't mean im not grateful for what i've been given. i've had so many chances, so many attempts, so many pushes to just *live,* but its not that easy. you cant tell a person with anxiety to just stop being anxious or stop thinking about it, can you? so what makes them think that telling me to be grateful and just stop being sad will do a single thing?

why the fuck does the world want to tear me apart but leave everything else just fine and perfect so that i have barely any of an excuse to just fucking die already? why did my brain and my brain only have to fuck up? how is everyone so.. okay?",1.6913286713286697,3.507487223776227,2.7279720279720294,95.09657342657343,78.86013986013988,5.51888111888112,21.48951048951049,6.297961479604792,0.09902517482517492,535,15,121,4,13,170,93,143,0.25,0.65,0.1,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,2,15,8,3,0,8,1,15,6,2,2,2,27,25,13,1,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,10,4,12,17,2,9,0,1,0,3,8,3,3,1,4,76,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049950943275325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274356234488608,0.0,0.1043308730668576,0.15407138781063287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831364175317444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044919616981105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154164959393142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934768204330035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392858671684497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031761687807455,0.12257019203703265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782453179843383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438967252553828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731457437599058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440748450930965,0.0,0.0,0.0963297316910699,0.0,0.0,0.12042666924251838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103518573711722,0.4148059151751269,0.0,0.14855857913204834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372367869377047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190823791835471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34206115136728343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384055108551595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906052864974831,0.1747745096853895,0.0,0.0,0.07952469119031717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608817574664376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612476379128945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paxhominibus,2019/03/26,"Just attempted suicide I just tried to commit suicide. Took several sleeping pills, waited an hour for them to take full effect, and donned my exit bag over my head so that I could fall asleep and suffocate.

I tried for forty minutes to fall asleep while holding the bag slightly open, the hope being when I fell asleep my hand would falter and the bag would envelope my face.

Needless to say, it didn’t work: I consistently found it impossible to doze off because of the awkwardness and discomfort of the bag. Eventually I realised this was fruitless, and I removed the bag. This is the second time I have had this happen to me; the last was on Christmas.

God, I fucking hate this.",6.608444881889768,7.4289676692913424,6.303612204724412,78.1439222440945,65.22047244094487,9.18464566929134,33.19783464566929,9.188382445141503,2.8997724409448815,542,22,97,9,8,169,82,127,0.129,0.7959999999999999,0.075,-0.8540000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,3,4,5,2,2,9,0,10,9,7,1,1,17,18,8,2,4,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,2,2,0,0,5,1,4,0,1,6,2,15,1,13,8,1,16,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,5,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787580727098827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748684598662245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23000550715105303,0.0,0.19393196074492125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550176479417305,0.0,0.0,0.20710762430022936,0.21528784229139208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083521389605935,0.20658436513923134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099317156124394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682008344653276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369840279216177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099247147316867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589157080770636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772335410507848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232045096307967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330657648908037,0.2848444916799545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271740183476026,0.0,0.0,0.29803375221062955,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justcallmebbug,2019/03/26,"Help me please I don't know what to do anymore. I was homeless up until 5 days ago and i just crashed the only means od transportation I had yesterday. I have no food, no money,  nothing in the apartment and soon enough I'll be dead. I just need to catch a break and I can't.  I don't know what to do. I applied for food stamps and got denied. I called 211 for help and I just kept hitting deas ends.  I can't do this anymore. I thought escaping my abusive family and getting away from the person who raped me would help but I lost everything. Im just done. Im so freaking done.  Idk why im even posting here. Sorry",-0.5730427350427334,1.6317962769230758,1.4774358974358996,97.33367521367524,93.92307692307692,4.427350427350428,20.299145299145298,6.139981653823899,0.05624786324786335,476,17,108,5,18,157,81,130,0.198,0.735,0.067,-0.9453,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,4,0,14,3,0,0,0,18,24,9,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,1,4,0,1,2,6,3,0,0,8,0,17,0,10,13,1,14,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,6,67,21,0,0.0,0.16812271105943274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578160959601234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814439906866353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331529213456195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489095188306814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151072078672452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904162852042547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567710667242082,0.146615761472262,0.0,0.09372049817804007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752633362499835,0.0,0.1337662473142216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431606862157286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741344304399377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348662262112227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28532825760963565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598137748047543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596387664210687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489546658138995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456556451772013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521355664433274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615235388504884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791775907406123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389749060710725,0.0,0.15575841370882204,0.0,0.0,0.13589646053910612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884015557502248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264900725241532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803842524428238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079834002272348,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rocdchaos,2019/03/26,"I dont see any point. I feel like a criminal. I have committed the heinous crime of verbally abusing an ex. I had stayed in it longer than I should have. Lashed out verbally when she left me. Stalked her online. 

I sent apologies months later, but that had some things which shouldn't have been said, like 'I wanted you', etc. It pulled her back, and I had to push her back again.

Its been 10 months since we broke up. This is getting out of hand. Nothing means anything in my life anymore except this time period. I am still conflicted about her, maybe she was the best I'll ever have, but hey, I have been No contact for a few months and I won't change that in a lifetime.

I can't fix myself. There is simply no point. I can't change the past. This has forever tainted my life and I don't know. No point. ",0.7780455712451868,3.107664615853661,1.7348523748395408,97.99833761232351,85.76829268292684,5.159948652118102,18.997432605905004,6.5966054737557815,-0.07283658536585369,623,17,141,7,19,194,103,164,0.106,0.7909999999999999,0.102,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,7,0,23,3,1,0,2,19,31,6,0,3,3,1,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,9,4,26,3,13,19,4,27,0,1,1,0,14,10,0,1,15,98,36,0,0.0,0.18004029845281652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103333733375479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069724893700065,0.0,0.0,0.12504495586629094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368604657954886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946604363117547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32149375324087737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808861618780575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946855357081586,0.0,0.13745083002383007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076832361370581,0.10855576063948356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938954170990979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350978497062407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509815030304795,0.0,0.21465879806686813,0.14847381425516765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265792545605228,0.16552213672346125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36386400430674376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458036827627183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505700992017995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309361146080163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454277506465482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108743319365295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256976789889061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619624365572684,0.1213504289290621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095129279726298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860543016095025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962623502207981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ButterflyFlowersFly,2019/03/26,"Hopelessness is consuming and destroying me. NSFW. This is a long post. I apologize for that. I have depression, panic disorder (I have panic attacks very rarely), GAD (general anxiety disorder), obsessive compulsive disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder (I think that I was officially diagnosed with it a little over a year ago). I’m on day twenty-six of my cycle. I’ve been thinking about my purpose in life. I think that it’s to help others, but I’m not sure anymore. I feel hopeless and worthless. My vagina is narrow, short, and tight. Most of the time, even when I’m aroused and lubricated, I can’t insert two of my fingers. When I slide one finger in most of the way, my vagina becomes extremely tight and it feels like my finger is going past something. It’s hard to explain, but it hurts. I feel angry and hopeless. In one way, I’m glad that my vagina is tight because it would please a partner. In another way, I’m enraged by the fact that someone would profit off of my pain and agony. I hate when people say that having a tight vagina is a good thing. I’ve had users flat out tell me that tighter is always better and that a tense vagina feels better. I’ve never been abused. Part of me is just disgusted by men because they want a “tight vagina” and they just want to profit off of their partner’s pain and suffering. It’s like what feels good for the man hurts the woman. I'm horrified that it won't go in, or if it does, it won't go in all of the way, and when it gets into the extremely tight part of my vagina, I'll have to stop him. I don't want to take the man's pleasure away and ruin the experience for him. I feel hopeless in all areas of my life. I wish that I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I have no plan to harm myself. I also have a question about this sub. If people feel borderline suicidal, they aren’t reported or punished, right? Thank you for reading my long post. I appreciate it. ",2.7292192513369,4.6780718233766265,4.334747899159662,84.1530462184874,76.22077922077922,7.542398777692895,25.089763177998467,8.405096225971981,1.7302421695951111,1512,53,298,29,34,506,182,385,0.254,0.611,0.135,-0.9954,1,0,1,0,1,4,56.0,0,1,4,3,11,34,6,3,18,0,26,18,13,0,6,62,55,25,1,9,10,0,17,2,2,4,5,1,0,6,27,17,0,7,12,1,2,5,9,22,0,3,4,18,40,12,41,46,6,45,0,10,0,8,19,20,0,7,16,194,67,4,0.0,0.10159457336748652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600834464217769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857076488719199,0.0713472492842828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899117897506387,0.06559518713411687,0.0,0.08503664371241207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754805489477633,0.08056086023371761,0.0,0.0,0.10453950408639287,0.09469933312547273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167011778684733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846092389990296,0.0,0.0,0.05529885033552602,0.0,0.0738526022281139,0.08703002926137543,0.0,0.0,0.3930877717037192,0.0,0.07503659566460831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056634192776134525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387569846356034,0.0,0.0,0.30348903711768044,0.0612567091008329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044798562817159035,0.0,0.19492491436986928,0.14383876517001204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681125974644304,0.08465607685656812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574735013865196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835849823427407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211293760152048,0.08378198628375591,0.08593966694061515,0.0,0.1517644030124216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226466181698568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620694236616455,0.0,0.18247883306804805,0.20120808939780874,0.0,0.18570836500653606,0.08185392472378117,0.11889047389087284,0.0,0.0,0.09412297416230846,0.0,0.0,0.16424125977532325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605475119925863,0.0,0.08576885344184129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322631612518107,0.0,0.06818838202207674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580757393391203,0.0,0.0726520105249763,0.06601119010105698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716872023773504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379182341771287,0.0,0.08081425984981516,0.0,0.06447005720967293,0.0,0.07494547701296228,0.07894307372347831,0.0,0.0,0.05696559942840788,0.16482704973253726,0.0,0.0,0.04999897774332722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376104018380054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070749140808226,0.15172501691873025,0.2722436216120824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860326519221156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121822498414736,0.0,0.0,0.05521738696512085
suicidewatch,Mynxofhearts,2019/03/26,"Im trying something new Im borderline Suicidal. I wont do it, i know its all temporary struggles... but i feel like people don't get it. i have days i just feel defenseless and non progressive. its lonely. i dont need someone to fix me... just need some time to get thru it. 

 i wouldnt be surprised if theres tons of people here who needs someone to understand like me. 

im an incredibly supportive person. i am very empathetic. ive been thru a lot of very bad situations so i can relate. 

So... im hoping that maybe by saying hey, im here if u need someone to talk to... maybe i can be there for someone. In turn i hope that helps me too. im only one person but if anyone needs to just talk to a total stranger who probably has been thru some similar things, im here. ",-0.4814059853190251,1.7400145155279496,2.435519480519485,90.63561688311691,93.28571428571428,5.908639186900058,19.740542066629022,7.348242739294969,0.7616434782608703,591,20,130,12,22,207,89,161,0.1,0.7490000000000001,0.151,0.8552,0,2,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,3,0,15,0,0,0,2,26,30,8,1,11,8,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,10,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,3,15,6,15,24,6,4,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,8,5,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346015534321957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577920055056481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058531449291662166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636778641512856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917800180491888,0.06483758596706449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483469518668587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083322368563211,0.0,0.0,0.18028649096506733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6862400561212939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987826376258228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867962085953096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715926869825247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823573674396134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364798081896745,0.0,0.08765471310375454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061500019558947024,0.06902560474454901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258404415567876,0.1584928984601796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785255373081896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217446294795031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201587742385844,0.0,0.0,0.3075960852117781,0.06986999915258789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948800442945708,0.0,0.09927460196798273,0.1029911864734838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589580352895087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029563135729299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529217626164355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161877450826174,0.09871872232044918,0.0,0.09448235545006783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976983147098027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heythereitsbeth,2019/03/26,"Just going to wait to the rest of my medication to wear off so I can do it. I missed my last doctors appointment because I’m an idiot and slept in, and I don’t want to go back and waste their time again because I’ve already missed an appointment and had to start the medicine again before. 

Last time I wasn’t on any medication I was a day away from killing myself, and I know if I just wait a bit I’ll be able to do it. So, now I’m just playing the waiting game. ",3.821419141914191,3.457636900990103,5.111633663366336,88.39669141914194,71.07920792079206,8.317491749174918,28.71452145214521,7.793537801064563,1.4301273927392746,361,12,87,4,6,121,60,101,0.154,0.8140000000000001,0.032,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,9,5,2,0,7,0,8,5,2,0,0,14,21,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,1,2,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,11,1,12,16,2,16,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,10,56,13,1,0.2194532479897938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24217211620744394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923573400558948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061835504455847,0.1687460016635719,0.0,0.26755332616634514,0.0,0.18673855054385347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395861089119428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152919003918155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246196983478839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944067626936864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427925041969791,0.0,0.12060576589694187,0.3577673742930323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44215211939415294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533013844684462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25592990739824056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943921150197726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2ndCoolestUsername,2019/03/26,"Chronic Suicidality: Sometimes the only way to keep living, is knowing you can die. There are many triggering things is this post. I hope that goes without saying. 

My aunt Is dying of brain cancer. My other aunt already died of the same kind of brain cancer. My older sister was chronically ill her whole life and is 10 years into a heart transplant. She told me she bought a 5 year diary in hopes she will get to live that long. (Transplanted hearts usually last around 10 years before the anti-rejection meds kill you) She’s 34. My mother keeps forgetting that my cousin molested me at a family gathering when I was 7, and bringing him up in casual conversation. I was raped by my friend’s dad’s continuously as a child on top of the cousin thing. I told people, but they accused me of making it up for attention. I made my first serious suicide attempt at 15 - was subsequently hospitalized. Started threatening suicide at age 7 or so, but no one believed I’d go through with it. Usually they just laughed at me or mocked me. I would run away to a nearby bridge and climb up to the ledge and sit looking down at the water and the rocks below. I would imagine being able to escape from living. Knowing that my little brother would be left alone with my parents and narcissistic sister is always what stopped me from taking the leap. I couldn’t do that to him, but I never kept living for me. Since the very beginning (of what I can remember) life was not a joy for me. I didn’t get much out of it. Didn’t/don’t often see the point of it. Don’t understand why people are so invested in avoiding death. 
Death is the only thing you can control about your life, until you can’t. 
You would think that the 10 years of therapy and the degree in psychology and pursuing the master of clinical social work would have curbed my appetite for suicide. It hasn’t. I can support others in surviving their depression, but I hate my life. It’s not just that I hate myself (I’m sort of a blah person) or MY life (mediocre but not horrible). I actually hate that I have to be alive and experience things. The positives do not seem to outweigh the negatives. The ups are not as plentiful as the downs. The pain is always underneath. I am on so many anti depressants, but here I am. I meditate regularly, but here I am. Doesn’t matter. Suicide is what gives me hope. If it wasn’t an option... I don’t even want to think about that. 
You would think that being surrounded with dying people who desperately want to live, would put everything in perspective.  It does. It makes me realize how pointless this all is. We have no control. I have no control. It’s all meaningless. Disappointment after disappointment. I have faith in a God, but sometimes it actually makes me more inclined to want to kill myself. I’m not afraid of death. I was in car crash where I almost died, and I remember thinking, “well, maybe it’s over now,” as my car was t-boned by a giant truck. 

I know the people in my life want me to keep living so that they can avoid feeling pain related to things they are scared of, namely death and disappointment and guilt. I understood, but I also feel like they are holding me hostage. 

I just wonder why some people get depressed and want to kill themselves, and some people want to kill themselves without even being depressed, and some people feel depressed but they don’t become suicidal. 
What is happening in my brain that makes me chronically suicidal? Is it my habit for escaping this earthly torture, and now I’m on autopilot? Yesterday I was ok. This morning I was ok. Then suddenly I just wanted to die. This evening I will most likely be okay again. Doesn’t help knowing it will end, because it will only be temporarily before the cycle starts again. Was I programmed to seek death? Shouldn’t I have a stronger instinct to live? I wish I understood what it was like to be someone who felt attached to this world and to living, instead of the hostage of their family.
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suicidewatch,guccigamergirl,2019/03/26,"I might have made a mistake Hello everyone, this is my first post on reddit. :) 

This is the first time I feel like I've got something relevant to post and I need to get this off my chest, so here we go.

I think I've made a mistake because I wasn't thinking ahead. I've never attempted suicide, but I think about it a lot. I definitely wouldn't mind dying. Actually, if I knew that tomorrow was the day I'd die, I wouldn't try even the slightest to stop it - what's more, I'd be looking forward to it. At this moment, I can't say that I'm certain to commit suicide some day, but neither can I say I'm certain not to do it. Now, where I think I went wrong and what's often on my mind is that me and my friends often make suicide jokes (and I know we aren't the only ones who do it) which aren't supposed to mean anything - we're just fooling around. However, I find myself contemplating suicide really often, despite only mentioning it ironically and in a humorous context. If some day I decide and kill myself, I feel like my friends might feel guilty for not doing anything about it. What if they start blaming themselves for not recognizing my jokes as a warning and stopping me? I can't blame them, because, as I said, many people joke in this way and not every single one of them is suicidal. My friends are all very good people and the last thing I'd want is for them to feel miserable because of me. And honestly, this is the only thing that keeps me going. I feel like I've trapped myself in here; just because I was recklessly fooling around with those things...and I regret it now. 
What if things don't get better and I won't be able to endure it any longer? What if I just lose it some day, give up and decide to take my own life? Is there a way to avoid them feeling responsible?

If you've read the whole thing, thank you :)",3.5299366211130945,4.576442181818186,4.704200831847892,86.0074559318677,72.36898395721927,7.465874430580312,27.488215488215488,7.793537801064563,1.5179547633194683,1432,51,300,18,27,472,174,374,0.163,0.638,0.199,0.8896,1,2,1,0,0,6,48.0,2,1,5,6,18,26,1,2,13,0,28,2,1,3,5,78,61,23,8,13,15,0,6,3,3,5,1,3,0,0,32,17,0,4,16,4,0,4,15,10,0,4,9,10,47,16,32,45,10,36,0,3,1,0,18,12,0,15,21,205,79,1,0.08062462209057734,0.0,0.07867800091884608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054827507757689485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269438863506516,0.14354601414625026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659208518291596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130592634869752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798484535941256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735125748758464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053251802501905726,0.0,0.06792972142274879,0.0770402814998212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24459738856701915,0.17279473839320902,0.0,0.0,0.07368944395260454,0.1371585247262756,0.0,0.0,0.18687114908747304,0.0,0.0842460747675336,0.07734248410444935,0.0916416614584406,0.06762410780029021,0.06448287548523028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166286859172148,0.08919919881166098,0.0,0.04430918378495728,0.06571982782878512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694755493591959,0.11816735353946875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770437672613577,0.09019832913972188,0.0,0.06854417053763882,0.0,0.15257793368782366,0.05381756130591114,0.08174071226502334,0.0,0.08782384937452034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105996606944585,0.16281576963056454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978213568928605,0.06218267890654487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926666102039044,0.1839559745534955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178992274191392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443220251750994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064644025833974,0.0,0.05165019742266193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669247846082282,0.12823187104361047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206877304797642,0.0,0.0,0.05706652248836318,0.0,0.0,0.13481158839864252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44095125330702734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061968195409299,0.0,0.0,0.07422831976140648,0.0,0.0,0.2142536656012914,0.20664400942434688,0.0,0.0,0.04701286550705152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473882606031312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652375691821974,0.04755449102095122,0.12799214449649002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473983242148922,0.0,0.09001451129288364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881503675908324,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iotaquantum,2019/03/26,"I'm giving myself 4 more years to live Nothing has been going well in my life. My childhood has been crap, adulthood as well. I guess the only thing which makes me happy right now is coming home to my cats everyday. I'm still trying to cope, but it sucks sitting on my bedside every night, unable to sleep with this itch in my mind. I envy those who can wake up everyday and go to work, acting like nothing's wrong with the entire broken system. Beginning to rely on drugs and alcohol to numb things out. Planned an exit method as well. It's supposedly painless? Either way, if nothing improves in the next 4 years, I think I'll man up and just do it. Suicide takes tremendous courage, and I've been too chicken to do it thus far, so we'll see. ",4.5122818791946315,5.298793550335571,5.188785234899331,84.40009060402684,69.8724832214765,7.302281879194631,27.651677852349,7.1686216300943375,1.3956759731543626,585,19,115,5,10,189,104,149,0.16699999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.119,-0.9042,0,0,3,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,0,2,8,10,2,0,4,0,10,8,4,2,0,17,23,9,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,1,10,8,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,3,1,11,6,20,19,2,28,0,0,1,0,4,11,2,2,11,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647953725013536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283163527618688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788257225523403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992209610008892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792490594658547,0.17527345169986333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987122838560675,0.0,0.0,0.1641512254074851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467748890588676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891765121492007,0.07533545916229176,0.0,0.1361634640444775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293123871868924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557003740447267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399590510516315,0.14470842113085794,0.0,0.4438838232958052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727780468575555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316879294164746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122879275705139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431367215429465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314616323118753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686722980978538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594094572216188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489032450768505,0.09880661324906724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046932457672704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239861542962695,0.0,0.0,0.4159391844765129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122611175587687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685960179068088,0.0,0.19860246266640974
suicidewatch,MysticalWolf918,2019/03/26,"I don't know what to do. Hello, I am 14 turning 15 in September and I have had Social Anxiety since I was 10. When I was 13 I told my parents about my anxiety but all they said was "" It will go away."" It hasn't. My mom yells at me when I do small mistakes like bump into her or drop something. She called me useless on July 4th 2016 and it tore me down. I have been scared to talk to people face to face but Virtually is easy since they don't have to see my face. I have low self esteem because I am overweight. My mom calls me fat and that I should lose weight. I am starting to lose weight but gaining it back. I have thought of dying or not being on earth anymore. Some nights I just imagine what it would look like If I never existed. Life is really hard for me right now, I just don't know what to do. I have 2 cats and they keep me happy, also Gaming. What is clinging me on to not die is my cats and my Online friends, since I don't have any in Real Life. I want to lose weight correctly but I don't know how. I am just a 14 year old trying to live. Thank you for reading this. I'm sorry I took your time.",0.1939807162534457,1.965883322314049,2.2879545454545465,96.61859848484852,83.54545454545455,5.1903581267217636,18.76101928374656,6.21433560688645,-0.2874137741046829,852,21,206,7,24,286,132,242,0.141,0.7340000000000001,0.125,-0.0053,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,3,4,10,12,0,1,1,0,33,10,4,1,3,34,49,16,2,5,12,3,4,2,1,3,4,2,0,1,11,6,5,1,5,2,0,2,9,7,0,0,9,8,43,5,23,36,2,25,0,5,2,0,20,12,0,4,12,137,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721775351474226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741666750155226,0.0,0.1668660068945915,0.0,0.10816132856665044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246841000474824,0.08386282245968127,0.0,0.06648387774994366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273131950304534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263806405787245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426191128609216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198309572367412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609974036471253,0.09769915109950074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694032982516676,0.0,0.0,0.17981474820115798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406904207746386,0.10656548225316688,0.0,0.09630475059495264,0.0,0.0915855691994604,0.36604126858077024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554668624434898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411621696245157,0.0,0.0,0.10234836858619027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444341885165073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110171002340818,0.0,0.0,0.07561064882478719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909265385968916,0.1241377300809818,0.06986864009329141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313932549980301,0.10374402118143104,0.0,0.10919122918354532,0.0,0.0869092019883273,0.0,0.11377664062460068,0.0,0.0,0.2706544688722509,0.0,0.0,0.11117613640667544,0.0,0.0839621333803171,0.0,0.12208725590347955,0.07719545171313845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876608205531415,0.0,0.1004106860560413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658395055022979,0.06359559389458012,0.0,0.0,0.10421450390110536,0.12117316129907825,0.07404671284875393,0.1186293778607702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432826559738755,0.0,0.0,0.3984285675782756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747532535743328,0.0,0.0,0.07023308627189596
suicidewatch,lovelost0710,2019/03/26,My note My suicide note is the most irritational piece of shit I have ever read....yet it makes 100% sense and I hope to finalize it soon,3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,72.57142857142857,8.457142857142857,24.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,1.4347285714285718,106,3,24,2,2,36,24,28,0.245,0.667,0.08800000000000001,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,5,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349434989523388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42317824584159663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836880301739832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578615876832751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864095403322513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965365318796462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225549709410232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Siraloneknights,2019/03/26,"It's getting very hard to keep going I'm at my limit. Yesterday I failed my permit test and already that bummed me out since I have a history of self hatred and beating myself up over little things. But also today a teacher at my school died I dont personally know this person but from what I heard she was a great person caring for the students and helping anyone who needed it. She died of cancer and it lasted many months of pain. I was not close to this teacher but it got me thinking why not me? I am miserable and only 18 my entire life is a wreck with family that I hate, no friends, many mental issues, having no idea what to do with my life, and general emptiness and lack of happiness. I am sitting here wondering why the fuck a person like that dies and someone like me gets to live honestly I would trade what happened to her with me so at least my sacrafice could help others. I am an atheist and if there is a god I have to say he is one sick fuck for killing that person and making me so depressed I want to die at 18. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE ANY OF THIS!?!?!? I didnt abuse or fucking kill someone I try to be a good person my whole life and I keep getting embarrassed, humiliated, and depressed. Oh well my phones about to die so if u read this I hope your hanging in better than I am. :(",3.555818713450293,4.43878472222222,4.855068226120861,85.56464912280704,72.14814814814815,7.31384015594542,26.43274853801169,7.475848149327749,1.2948888888888894,1025,33,213,11,19,341,152,270,0.303,0.527,0.16899999999999998,-0.9953,0,0,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,1,0,4,8,24,7,2,11,0,20,10,0,2,0,41,43,22,7,8,8,0,1,2,1,1,6,2,0,7,19,17,0,3,4,1,1,2,6,13,1,1,6,3,37,11,31,34,3,17,0,4,0,4,19,10,4,5,6,151,56,6,0.0,0.10106490807973413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412914035026593,0.06821326986839803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058005981743389876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964277338732993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543969133628839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696762064210357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810400153923639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693514049486006,0.0,0.4426324660542648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996933897432156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041194080080998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659014966856912,0.3154287723379582,0.13369501391112695,0.0,0.04847716738270573,0.07154442948259895,0.06822109286251415,0.09404202178360976,0.0,0.0,0.07542928162897332,0.09080195948649898,0.07641080274713992,0.08421472075041045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434772433441795,0.0,0.0,0.08472076901853423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962917513104012,0.0,0.08902959052672288,0.0,0.15163465264850914,0.1887405541269948,0.0,0.046877886863903116,0.06952975411654723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074679847983932,0.08334518726583066,0.08549161881254443,0.07532023787831088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569374864234391,0.17295881054055925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596093929208376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680845389704469,0.0,0.0,0.06324784060401213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780054760396275,0.06487343876542227,0.09076373805818606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468767516516135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853216958532746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678328805638005,0.0,0.08632675006688358,0.0,0.0,0.08898505612545712,0.0,0.0,0.0705598939905056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454647570505888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666860816585201,0.05465590689907132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085311126468915,0.0,0.0,0.057912158968484236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038028878412354,0.05031133186225532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766936968922592,0.0,0.15393746147018586,0.09523285504369616,0.0,0.0,0.09250270702676794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059368722281123,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,r5xvrww2,2019/03/26,Help Im only 16 and I feel so lost in life my household is always arguing and doing drugs n I want to get a job and get out of here but I’m lost on how to go about that I’ve been doing every drug I can get my hands on and I’ve od’d a few times and it feels like a constant uphill battle to stay functional i have no friends and everyone at school talks shit about me it’s starting to feel like there’s only one way out 😞,-0.997197750702906,0.847554247422682,1.7171321462043103,98.45774133083414,89.0,4.764386129334583,16.034676663542644,6.11248444174946,-0.6642082474226805,330,7,83,3,11,114,66,97,0.184,0.684,0.132,-0.753,1,0,2,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,3,0,3,0,6,5,2,1,0,14,18,9,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,3,4,7,3,13,15,1,12,0,2,0,0,4,6,1,0,5,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300721594740004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572730515710625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986226014840999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480546533937907,0.16422640309433706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607035472133023,0.24556381681107545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132784114402163,0.0,0.26938043769844106,0.0,0.09767604778899702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519891105102226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856459874935949,0.0,0.17055160198125555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139483306749,0.16793119181432267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752265385784952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646161182282655,0.26142538630871154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393870599811212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641913396506193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164843563542445,0.18318748754895048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814028482447985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021710267762736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137168321965297,0.13642012402977774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AusSpyder,2019/03/26,"A recent suicide scare put my own suicidal fantasies into perspective in a big way I've been suffering from depression since I was a young kid. I've fantasized about it quite often, and halfheartedly attempted it a couple times (Nothing that had any chance of success) For most of my life any time I've been alone with my thoughts, or any time I've had a bad day I've started fantasizing about ending it. How I would do it, how relieving it would be. I've turned to distractions like video games so my mind is occupied but it's been a band aid solution at best. I've come to the realization that I'm very unlikely to ever do it, which in itself is a very depressing thought to me. Being incapable of ending my misery even in this way.

Now not all is bad. I have some friends and I'm really, really close to some of them. Recently one of them started to go through a stressful time and a few days ago she started talking about suicide in a way that convinced me she was about to actually to do it and it messed me up hard. The thought of losing her, the thought of being unable to help her, the thought of her maybe laying their dying while I was trying to call her. It was the single most terrifying and traumatic moment of my life. I've lost people I've cared about but it was all expected and natural. This was just there suddenly and my world got turned upside down. Things are better with this person now and I'm confident she's not going to hurt herself or worse any time soon but I can't stop thinking about it.

What this scare has done is massively change the way I think about my own suicide. Like I still have suicidal thoughts, they don't seem to be controllable, but there's more to them now. I remember the pain, and how awful it felt when someone I cared about was going down that path. Now, instead of hyping myself up into a frenzy and trying to convince myself it's a good idea, I also keep thinking of how terrible I felt when I thought someone I loved was going down that path, and how she and other friends would feel if I went through with it. I've kinda lost that feeling that a lot of depressed people have, where they convince themselves that they have no worth and that  nobody would be that upset if they were to kill themselves. I know better. I know how much this messed me up, I know how close I am to some friends and I know they would go through what I did if I were to end it. I'm redoubling my efforts to try and fight depression. Talking to my Dr about it. Nothing I've ever tried has helped, but I'm gonna start trying again. Because how I felt that day was the worst I have ever felt and I wouldn't want to cause anyone else to feel that way myself.

People always say that suicide is selfish and to think of your family and friends before you do it, but I never did until I was one of those people.",4.56846437459674,5.3067782259194445,5.232084523919259,84.31463798506778,69.71803852889667,8.392312655544291,28.16116692782745,8.532816995589336,1.8760339754816109,2241,75,457,34,38,724,235,571,0.224,0.648,0.128,-0.9972,0,1,0,0,1,4,45.0,0,2,9,11,38,42,2,5,21,1,51,5,0,10,6,100,101,43,8,11,14,0,8,2,4,7,4,1,0,2,43,26,0,3,25,4,1,8,7,24,0,2,35,9,63,18,67,54,16,68,0,9,0,1,36,18,0,14,39,326,106,1,0.0,0.0,0.055163969207577636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05010938387766462,0.0,0.0,0.05854680429759171,0.0,0.045206073052809284,0.047036502634444526,0.0,0.0,0.15376613103289646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03952626191386984,0.057920451388323566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439839888149043,0.034459441034444725,0.0,0.04810185814937572,0.0,0.05932350395003631,0.09999028647091968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772224056941206,0.0,0.11526978898858845,0.05807066473867387,0.05979999097616227,0.048694568849061794,0.0,0.0,0.06340187293435666,0.0,0.06254805876913005,0.0,0.1093692277802383,0.0,0.1947527426276548,0.0,0.05866798537762032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784860428470255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722257143937782,0.0,0.1502032547470801,0.0,0.0,0.03733674927116104,0.15340064891897162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053290335988477086,0.0,0.08574800232330843,0.0,0.2171061097871468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469608943892664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606331417863259,0.04741368815703551,0.04521125748164825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063871498427157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578014643861837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060515265775712514,0.06381415159424271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050245408248209285,0.06254075852362455,0.0,0.12426703380262402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985594779339188,0.05523424740388706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324128464284254,0.12341575880235688,0.04805877715166426,0.051019462705908035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056790792808168636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707798874854944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041555183424684346,0.0,0.0435985071352222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848184545556724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661077624685594,0.0,0.06015064489827784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675985113585342,0.04935878097164777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682707259008135,0.0,0.0601253531822878,0.0,0.0,0.07242761297730281,0.0,0.11163077054871468,0.0,0.06403612793194112,0.0,0.0,0.0449539827084332,0.11319041099500575,0.0,0.0,0.051461710239484926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676122004541263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579336326869553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004554526385,0.0,0.04514398480068914,0.04726062065886828,0.06475356676433004,0.0,0.0,0.37100009266216705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087144068953107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755523295524277,0.14488552886051448,0.0,0.3141429542987533,0.16481203353565171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918967741926169,0.12297423645237172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328438535173897,0.03334215978704934,0.22434971133477796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240277798277102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760769203046865,0.20078224196099592,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slytherinscum,2019/03/26,"I only stay for my dogs and fianceé I probably would have offed myself by now if it wasn't for my fianceé or our dogs. I really have no drive anymore. 
I don't have friends and can't make any. I can't lose weight. I can't find a job despite just getting a degree. I just suck. I hate thinking about how torn up my fianceé would be if I killed myself or how my dogs would be so confused and it's the only thing preventing me from doing it. ",1.4634999999999998,2.875099178947369,3.3254605263157906,92.37134868421057,78.26315789473685,6.0131578947368425,23.453947368421048,6.6274283507984215,0.5385,342,11,78,3,8,115,57,95,0.238,0.738,0.024,-0.9582,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,7,6,3,1,3,0,14,1,0,3,0,19,19,10,1,5,6,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,1,17,1,7,13,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,5,1,59,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523233877762744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22214154794193902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047261713192933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730569664194216,0.0,0.11702745610978699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114739169632705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227917089130286,0.0,0.2478158265002671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505916396390453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951752496581444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34071458399449955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24150307889789455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349609115015535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23874746632117105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881145214601055,0.14352610973263838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727639657014385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773560642314111,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imakedemfakeaccouts,2019/03/26,"My brother told me My brother just told me to kill myself (jokingly) but still I feel worse than I did five seconds ago.
I know it’s a joke but still I haven’t told him about me yet though.",0.5820731707317073,2.394049097560977,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,82.41463414634147,5.0756097560975615,20.006097560975608,5.985473137389443,-0.2951024390243906,147,4,36,1,4,47,30,41,0.172,0.76,0.069,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,11,2,3,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632758878484846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909849817306288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28247601511094633,0.0,0.14031831939231548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078010319593658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25085261413854404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7319134704464446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601949779415998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joearm1007,2019/03/26,"baked beans i really like baked beans, heinz are my personal favourite but i’m open to suggestions ",2.765000000000001,5.727312166666671,2.483333333333338,87.94500000000002,94.0,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.789866666666668,81,3,15,3,3,24,15,18,0.0,0.888,0.112,0.2255,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41121528777310895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7349456641626152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392187476620702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3328281828,2019/03/26,"i feel like i may die soon I’ve been depressed for many years, mind you i’m only 18. went into a hospital about maybe 2 years ago, checked myself in basically had the worst experience of my life. i left the place more suicidal. Fuck. I feel really fucking sick to my stomach. I don’t know what to do i live in a shitty area and we only have two mental health places i can really go to and they are still far away. And known to be shitty. I cant really do this I don’t know what to do. I know a facility that is supposed to be really good, they keep you for a few months. I know my insurance could maybe approve it ( had a buddy with state insurance, ended up getting approved, but he was in and out of the two hospitals i mentioned all the time) I don’t know if i could get approved like him since maybe i’m not as urgent? My friend was trying to die like every other day. But fucking hell I cant do this. I really feel like I’m gonna die soon because I am spinning out of control. ",0.4923444976076574,2.522288354066987,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,84.11961722488039,6.288038277511963,20.026315789473685,7.520522993642371,0.6224430622009574,762,22,170,13,22,264,118,209,0.17800000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.108,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,2,4,4,12,4,0,9,0,24,7,1,1,1,29,44,8,4,3,4,0,3,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,7,9,0,2,9,0,1,2,6,6,0,2,6,3,28,6,23,32,4,26,1,1,0,3,9,13,4,2,14,108,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939477775051688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957477443420693,0.0,0.0,0.06460641997036219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188692534394324,0.16923804028689085,0.0,0.0,0.06835044378444156,0.0,0.09128323837294124,0.0,0.3299817166215404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386972303086408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929547914656741,0.0,0.0,0.10367197831292528,0.0,0.0,0.16076498293114366,0.15142894387178735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188241438819031,0.2939394863410901,0.11074377246106544,0.0,0.060232736851608286,0.0888937416702524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126552639836819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420280333686552,0.0,0.0,0.2912281777256088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515113702074235,0.0,0.07485912053991517,0.20711229650855054,0.0,0.09358517241548492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745040483917828,0.3194233307743052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680621239730877,0.0,0.10701289404161733,0.0,0.08459483795938548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121011093608614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145992733547493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33947799507145154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767045923817113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463837931246837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592849968951666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179969921236021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195568594425834,0.0,0.20706051694283387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824755655741613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364995069801155
suicidewatch,DylanTheFox,2019/03/26,"want to kill myself but im to scared to actually do it hi. ive been thinking about killing myself for around 2\~ weeks now, but im to scared to actually end it. i dont see how my problems can get better. i have 1 reason to live and its not even for myself, at this point im living to keep my brother happy, i cant go on living for someone else. any idea if i can fix my problems",1.88898039215686,2.378874388235296,4.372647058823528,88.94524509803922,75.70588235294117,6.6078431372549025,23.57843137254902,6.42735559955562,0.4767254901960785,293,8,70,2,6,104,55,85,0.24,0.6579999999999999,0.102,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,14,14,5,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,1,11,2,14,13,0,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,3,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.28251924159285124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843810041707772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886229497654006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280236914883551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965132789437815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209239043234458,0.0,0.12820962132076405,0.0,0.0,0.09560905641088166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562831055865404,0.0,0.08226738221352609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409397681676149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634103380365545,0.4690794648817727,0.0,0.0,0.12866455075405756,0.3202990633297095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834629248671371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368398977353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770212294468517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883185060235976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898492397234843,0.0,0.1153506848015569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265011351187705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927529108207938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538002097581916,0.0,0.11611341876633224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dood_get_a_1_up,2019/03/26,"Today I went for a walk. My Best Friend once told me; If I ever need to clear my head, go for a walk at night.

I blew up in his face about something stupid and said some stupid shit. He said to never contact him again.

So I went for a walk at night.

I spent that time looking for the friend I just lost.

Wondering where was the support? Was it really my fault? We'd been so close for well over a decade, spent so much time together...

I was walking a mental tightrope, cars flashing past me were an invite... Yet I kept walking, missing my friend as I could no longer turn to them for comfort.

I've been dumped by many girlfriends, but not a best friend.

I'm home now but I don't want to think about tomorrow.

I just want to sleep.",1.1020750551876404,3.1050715695364235,1.9333509933774842,99.13124061810154,81.64900662251655,5.086269315673289,19.338189845474613,6.079149491110277,-0.3352970419426051,561,14,132,4,15,174,97,151,0.15,0.718,0.132,-0.1742,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,3,13,16,4,0,9,0,9,4,4,0,3,19,29,8,0,5,6,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,9,4,7,1,0,15,3,21,9,20,12,4,28,0,2,1,0,14,7,1,3,12,82,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30128389184347626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146092489762376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984495025936574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436109991102744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158010719864024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731890002097178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398764905670616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205419068845692,0.0,0.15669666174011915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455324131611894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465990941636134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552231876764212,0.1064370278862162,0.11071099171188854,0.0,0.0,0.2694150972416908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528710694434308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703024008361864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195880073568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273088921112618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473471970513357,0.0,0.0,0.1436489758656701,0.0,0.0,0.11050819198074703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289351574602262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197803800425502,0.0,0.0,0.16740484826411972,0.0,0.13606416877133912,0.13716369440156986,0.0,0.0,0.15613607629302784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933348494670514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906447203354138,0.2661358794206764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556687645512126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Saedran,2019/03/26,"Tired. Life is an absurdity and my taste for it decreases by the day. We spend 60-100 years in decline, surrounded by injustices those in power dont care about and those who care have no power over, trapped in a pattern of struggle to support a life we owe to people because they share our blood or our space. When what comes next is either the void, or something so alien as to defy any mortal guess. So why would our experiences here matter in the slightest. Permanence is anathema to our universe so reincarnation is probably bullshit. 

I'm tired of scraping and finding new and exciting ways to get hurt. People love to say keep your head up it gets better when the statistics show things get worse a lot more often. I hate my job but I dont want to lose it before I find a better one, but theres no guarantee's that's going to happen and no guarantee's I won't be just as unhappy or incompetent in a new position anyway. 

Being around my family is tough because I had a chaotic upbringing and gatherings bring that all welling back up. The friends I have eventually get sick of my difficult personality. Something years of counseling has done nothing for. 

I'm tired of waking up, defeated, and I just want out. ",4.594358974358976,6.29699270940171,5.667179487179487,77.58615384615386,70.62393162393163,9.302564102564103,30.52136752136752,9.725611199111238,3.0683008547008552,970,41,178,24,18,321,146,234,0.222,0.6859999999999999,0.092,-0.983,4,1,2,0,0,0,20.0,6,1,1,6,15,17,1,1,12,0,16,12,3,0,1,31,36,19,1,3,8,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,1,10,12,1,1,2,1,2,3,6,7,1,1,2,2,19,10,31,30,4,26,0,3,0,1,15,13,0,6,9,121,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805869473759486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218424069685283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826366365814961,0.0,0.13994545979493533,0.0,0.09767478017093166,0.0,0.0,0.2030385025864602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340647894483922,0.0,0.0,0.09887832800721308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402773816433099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746635003489715,0.2690576343880246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228313439677157,0.10821041126406346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982539772921696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868369533501085,0.0,0.2398846455754576,0.0,0.06523576184280569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645017133438394,0.0,0.10150524294200164,0.0,0.0,0.11332781519928667,0.11780397215354975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288122557080335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390779971762433,0.1020274349901856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621540715088192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841663114207846,0.0,0.09758730066093138,0.1035992162457302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172285938727435,0.12207664885787295,0.0,0.0,0.11014065584020513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778224185642196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915688695199787,0.10022706536490483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375916390179115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128276012162877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767363721692982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999967813985347,0.0,0.0,0.13025825736009786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625899007435898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957902762971881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540799681836774,0.09111210909144812,0.0,0.0,0.10320676754501612,0.0,0.1035768808011841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697715788353147,0.0815409720134548,0.0,0.0,0.14783736875435444
suicidewatch,throwaway3627827262,2019/03/26,"An unlucky coward. I am probably the unluckiest person I know, there's only a handful of things I can think of that have ever been in my favour.

We've had to move house 9 times in the past 5 years, we've been living on welfare ever since my dad left us for another woman and got his own life, I see him a few times every year and he's doing so much better without me, I don't understand why he still sees me, guilt?

I'm (or was) a good student that was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue, glandular fever, a heart condition and clinical depression. I feel like all of this ruined my chance of a better life for my future.

I won't have a future, and I don't blame it all on that, but it certainly is unlucky, why does everyone else have to have it good in life and I was given this shit?

What calms me at this point in life is the fact that one day it all ends, and everything I've gone through will all be over and I won't feel the burning in my chest that knows what I have to do

My thoughts are all jumbled, I haven't eaten anything in 3 days and my friends are worried as to why I haven't spoken to anyone in a week.

The only thing that stops me from ending it all is me being too much of a coward to do it myself.

I've given up, all I want to do is sleep now. I'm getting kicked out of my classes on the regular because I can't control my emotions at this point.

I'm not looking for someone to help me, I've given up on all of it, I just wish I wasn't too much of a coward to finally kill myself.",6.276574074074073,3.9351759783950655,7.365481481481487,80.72766666666669,66.99382716049382,10.368395061728396,32.71111111111111,8.648137234880735,2.3492977777777773,1163,36,264,14,15,399,162,324,0.108,0.7809999999999999,0.111,-0.5791,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,0,3,9,15,2,1,16,0,34,15,5,1,12,38,56,12,1,2,5,1,3,1,1,3,9,0,0,2,21,10,1,2,7,0,0,2,10,6,0,1,14,6,37,9,42,37,13,40,0,3,3,0,10,20,1,1,19,184,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117422221801018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745124110897447,0.0,0.08769354473899005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496076056664411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849536914817908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195212041613984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745063773358265,0.0,0.09178389074046836,0.10816077505560157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932553558064788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902100743736281,0.11987077552239665,0.1887691224823326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278747277090927,0.08978522944290931,0.10182699422187423,0.09577334619314093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077644767447931,0.07612973579272468,0.0,0.11673625566046457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233150696370564,0.0,0.055675579070860085,0.0,0.0,0.17876257719166133,0.08522940546965188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627950480532907,0.07142797156204134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296118303753226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789788569258915,0.0,0.11713017952192402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157826953484316,0.0,0.3010787725339871,0.052062056333069436,0.0,0.09409844997848968,0.0,0.08948738300889808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326125199244567,0.2350116171114553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221089697337496,0.16209428447274046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172792097860682,0.0,0.09304805464939568,0.0,0.0,0.2014758888605009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489460859870315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983629873805384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938697917270447,0.08815129694465625,0.0,0.10664150961571307,0.0,0.0902917973763872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510258726281872,0.08909273542141795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415935037130459,0.06828226073423269,0.0,0.08460034930216444,0.12427729211636893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093745472173727,0.12818403266955894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285453256587345,0.0,0.08547965411311273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884737938833395,0.0,0.12254397334709195,0.1027244234083415,0.0,0.0,0.1082214732630948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724815265213558
suicidewatch,LucidWitchcraft,2019/03/26,"I wish I had stayed in the car Last summer I made the worst choice of my entire life by cheating on my girlfriend of four years. The next six months, after she had more or less fallen out of love with me I became so depressed that all I could think to do was smoke weed all day every day and spending the entirety of my time listening to music or on reddit. Not applying for jobs, not doing chores. I wasted time time smoking all day for months.  


She kept giving me chances to improve and I kept promising her I would, but then I never actually committed to changing until after she left me in January, shortly after I had gotten out of the psych ward for suicidal thoughts and having been denied a stay at a rehab facility due to my depression and psychosis. Two months later, after getting dumped, I finally get into rehab with my ex telling me we might get back together once I sobered up and started to prove myself to be an independent adult.  Then three weeks into rehab, the night after she had come to visit me giving me hugs and kisses, she tells me she's got plans to hook up with her male friend the weekend after.  


First off, how the fuck did she expect me to stay sober and change for the better after putting me through that? I guess what goes around comes around but she didn't have to fuck with my mind the way she did. This was week after I'd attempted suicide for the fifth time, which nobody knew about. Back in December I experienced my fourth suicide attempt by parking in the garage with an old car. I changed my mind just at the point that the carbon monoxide started making me feel dizzy.  


I don't feel like killing myself now, but I kinda wish I had stayed in the car.",6.333970424550806,6.286695000000003,6.3196183813006845,80.78284305930994,65.76737160120845,8.781109874383846,30.109874383844808,8.20500826718156,2.0214858006042298,1339,42,257,15,19,424,184,331,0.152,0.738,0.11,-0.9668,1,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,1,0,0,5,9,15,5,0,19,0,20,9,0,4,6,56,47,17,4,5,8,1,2,1,2,2,4,1,1,2,6,21,0,2,6,1,1,8,5,8,0,5,18,4,50,7,57,25,6,74,0,2,0,5,24,21,2,5,41,186,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.08933887206536592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629965027521844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079146058396605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096788120150074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905409356908019,0.15772316311448087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309463504290918,0.0,0.0,0.17712509793810094,0.0,0.15770248776443338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713420042131784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258011366799232,0.06540280996209838,0.0,0.1002877399369344,0.0,0.07787175417582269,0.0,0.0,0.07073073153046472,0.16927163217269045,0.14349213009547426,0.17564478537659162,0.0,0.0,0.073220306770682,0.0,0.10085183174705477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084851471984784,0.0,0.1012856925430509,0.0,0.0,0.07462486618857805,0.0,0.0,0.09946853935485052,0.0,0.06466395009328277,0.04472634432698504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262678188321355,0.08662612381188017,0.061109842245967674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711929793403933,0.1848773105998539,0.0,0.21922123879500946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706084334964699,0.0,0.09736367709855953,0.0859127792208736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960655486052415,0.09749697454089032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654364246688655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203229283358297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959807550427982,0.3903173225171309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30042009567751776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003617767089404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866106950301871,0.0,0.07267988665035369,0.21353243996593047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943032483758266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266754168257443,0.14687058914291096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105542628610102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650339679512646,0.0,0.0,0.05895472217318876
suicidewatch,Blink_Tear,2019/03/26,"I know it will happen...I just don't know when Longtime lurker, first time poster.

​

Ever since I was a kid I've always been depressed and anxious to some degree. Memories of my childhood are mostly neutral. I didn't have a bad childhood. My parents loved me and raised me the best they knew how. But my childhood was never that great either. I was bullied regularly and I was always anxious, neurotic and depressed. My anxiety and depression was pretty mild though my middle school and high school years. I have a very vivid memory of the first time I had suicidal thoughts when I was around 12 or 13 years old they have been there on and off ever since. When I was 19 my anxiety and depression got horribly worse. I would have bouts of anxiety that would last days to weeks. During these bouts I couldn't sleep and had to force myself to eat. I basically lived like this on and off throughout my twenties. 

​

Here I am just a few months shy of my 33rd birthday. My mind and soul have been all but drained out of me after over a decade of dealing with this. Although I've managed to keep it all under control over the last couple of years I'm permanently scarred. I don't have a personality anymore. I don't have that spark or glow that you see in normal, happy people. When you look into my eyes they are just empty. They look through you, not at you. I don't have any close friends. The people I try to make friends with don't stick around very long. I'm at a point where I don't have the mental strength to live life in a fulfilling way. My plan currently is to ride out the next few years, save up as much money as I can, then disappear. I will then off myself in some quiet peaceful corner of the globe. The likelihood that I will see my 40th birthday is next to zero and I'm ok with that. I've experienced enough pain and suffering as someone two or three age. Looking back I guess I've always known in my gut I would never live a very long life. I figured I would just eventually reach that point where I knew enough is enough and it's time to leave for good. This is my version of retiring early and I look forward to it.

​

​

​",2.841212296983759,5.027250125290023,3.533363689095129,88.92157685614849,76.7494199535963,6.3517633410672865,24.46409512761021,7.365786028017652,1.0646542459396753,1728,59,346,22,40,545,204,431,0.116,0.7809999999999999,0.103,0.6404,2,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,4,4,6,19,18,0,0,17,1,44,8,3,3,6,64,63,32,1,6,11,1,0,1,2,7,3,1,0,2,15,24,1,2,7,0,1,3,11,7,0,5,17,11,54,11,49,38,14,69,1,5,9,1,15,29,0,7,39,240,69,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540191022305433,0.33426195236031114,0.3748638814288396,0.041958408414574495,0.0,0.1416019809367304,0.13940784786158886,0.06119024747587337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985292846888416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047443822374749936,0.051517282087355384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647507950053508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920227909641732,0.0,0.06827035258661751,0.0,0.0397916732062677,0.06361043440169825,0.2125699608916206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313494374526843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125911425141007,0.0,0.0,0.11162314327899192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496470901868526,0.0,0.0,0.09533919881926872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517513935941735,0.04934747056738119,0.06802494224793744,0.06796998016398655,0.0,0.05456148676195938,0.06568125538901567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518989222031954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484217743072088,0.0,0.0,0.06781788579492515,0.10058817151282784,0.0,0.06533184686858276,0.0,0.0,0.08716167726509938,0.030143713644562392,0.0,0.1634478311268928,0.109205878465342,0.2072512872687344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055687047308192086,0.0,0.041185516349375284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062179521665086016,0.0,0.06229984580627225,0.0,0.04924869482388452,0.0,0.04535691562669135,0.0,0.09517435114519628,0.0,0.1312382152399556,0.0,0.060453321470482435,0.0,0.0,0.06474422248985512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565360806280653,0.0,0.0685110261151934,0.0,0.0,0.08555061914848963,0.05387443585768198,0.0,0.0,0.1166536999852798,0.0,0.0,0.06277151933914311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488825902242265,0.0983345091646021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020784671084406,0.0,0.061744989631499235,0.0,0.05227857438350629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749025638350274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606203595178531,0.04898324966804183,0.10793405130152084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04189054206372995,0.0,0.06027235499812211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272795041400036,0.0,0.04897492966829025,0.04949236348901618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287800970990984,0.1753208617060892,0.0,0.3748638814288396,0.15893221678849676
suicidewatch,caravan_girl,2019/03/26,I'm struggling so much. I feel like I might be ready to give up. I'm so scared.  I fucked up at work and now they're investigating me.  I just can't take any more.  My mental health is so fragile.  I need help but I don't know who to turn to.  My thoughts have got so dark.,-2.2124225865209475,-0.40598539344262186,0.20743169398907213,105.64735883424412,99.65573770491804,3.3668488160291434,13.335154826958108,5.033348758259628,-1.6296244080145716,205,4,57,1,9,68,45,61,0.125,0.7759999999999999,0.099,-0.3603,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,17,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,9,1,6,13,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,2,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175963643880005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514485166917614,0.19094496001101705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470961496527798,0.0,0.25639943099778784,0.0,0.0,0.2137683160161534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28410625242962423,0.0,0.0,0.17915221997769545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689015541700048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057955818571576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269355480315569,0.28354195287725226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964816304001924,0.19818481074211705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675940119272319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794191978842821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096137511314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219054744130106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907240022074851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945830993168766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fraxstar,2019/03/26,Talking. Can I just talk to someone? It's lonely here. Empty. And my arm hurts. I just want something to hold onto.,-1.4924637681159396,-1.0224036521739102,0.7832608695652183,96.27460144927537,129.0,1.5333333333333334,16.8768115942029,3.1291,-0.9592840579710143,88,3,17,0,6,29,20,23,0.3,0.648,0.053,-0.7269,0,2,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611648387543901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650031967907073,0.33163976105742804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6924982110842149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540884774249623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AffectionateDemon,2019/03/26,Anyone just wanna talk I feel lonely and sad. My problems are ignored by my parents. I just want to talk to someone who won't tell me the feelings will go away. I just want a friend. ,-0.02947368421052232,2.2782076315789475,1.6582105263157914,96.71047368421057,91.10526315789473,3.04,20.757894736842104,3.1291,-0.4792800000000002,142,5,30,0,5,46,30,38,0.25,0.613,0.13699999999999998,-0.7003,1,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,0,4,3,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,5,6,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159171735467816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28431174635406364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060170832050468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337954804585134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198004915673315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360122271988327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289556585950872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640019146474585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864523803411992,0.26449418972285904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356974047534724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justenoughdogs,2019/03/26,"If I leave, I should be better for everyone right? I'm 26 with super severe adhd that I can't seem to control and at this point it seems like I won't ever be able to. I just lost some close friends because of my actions, my neediness and anxiety, fear, the way makes me lash out and do extremely stupid shit that I don't mean to have happen. And at this point in my life I'm just....tired? And scared? Because I have a new awesome job coming up in 2 weeks, a boyfriend who loves me, a mom who I have such a close bond with...but all I can think about it how sooner or later my stupid head is going to hurt them.

I don't mean to be like this but it's so built into my behavior that it just seems like that's going to end up happening up in the end. I'll hurt people weather I mean to or not. I'm going to make them miserable. I'm so scared because that's not what I want but it happens over and over again and I'm just so tired of myself and it's just hard to think of good reasons to keep on going anymore",1.3111060834590271,2.5151819230769235,3.134079939668176,94.46083836098543,78.18552036199094,6.178079436902968,20.87506284565108,6.691623216298621,0.12408878833584724,779,19,188,7,18,261,113,221,0.18,0.723,0.097,-0.9491,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,4,12,18,3,4,6,0,14,5,2,5,2,44,41,17,0,3,11,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,17,14,0,2,9,0,0,6,6,10,0,0,1,1,22,8,29,35,2,32,0,4,0,1,7,18,1,7,10,116,39,1,0.10992303731200953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210612956550194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840908226711033,0.0,0.10901411581227144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102418982996687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972179937015957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468896339339522,0.0,0.0,0.1232880332909994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947183683448113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943168046136516,0.0,0.10503617279990056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369397739949507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492626595137485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498871811272157,0.0921982284341325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916137366058133,0.0,0.09846945034665093,0.0,0.11281274907915405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353497698496791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908165312926316,0.09770464622139384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639262487979685,0.0,0.0,0.07764189206389338,0.1611085308106953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999398026941994,0.0,0.0992098328560003,0.0,0.1467489619442796,0.0,0.0,0.35921523802619937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874053276560388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616435440973976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620679347098737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782560105087647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301919001275745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387367325518428,0.0,0.0,0.22010427315645,0.0,0.0,0.3002094142448898,0.0,0.1241817438139545,0.1128344181642862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408684876236489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634036105812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483545541431522,0.08725179052204247,0.08817363007629571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prosiak1,2019/03/26,"being a girl makes me want to die i never asked to be born a girl. honestly, it sucks. i don't like this body. it's awful and disgusting. all of this is just making me wanna kms. i feel like no one would ever accept me if i transitioned. my friends and family would probably leave me and i would never find love, who would love such a freak lmao
but biology is the worst. i can't change it.
can someone just delete me from this world pls
i just want to die and be reincarnated as a guy
fuck",0.28409385113268826,2.501874359223301,2.421577669902913,92.9889360841424,86.96116504854368,6.151779935275083,16.350323624595465,7.492282038375204,0.12052168284789698,381,8,87,7,12,128,67,103,0.311,0.583,0.106,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,12,3,0,5,1,12,4,1,2,4,25,22,7,2,8,5,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,1,13,7,7,15,2,5,0,0,0,3,8,1,2,1,6,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898546748272974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890108389000784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990356050435144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529960217304525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383125467472586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031977644648582,0.0,0.0859887026306738,0.12149267384158975,0.0,0.0,0.1554340310871481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138985467730951,0.1572200277794487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838859813621562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800716173865823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616788075601174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069760662495964,0.0,0.2270360596678604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623253461502181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523874163547647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335612311389804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409339235180485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006145205936998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4832300423487119,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lizzie_bee_,2019/03/26,"I wrote a note I’ve never written a note before. It’s never felt this real. I’m ready, but I don’t know how to do it. I’ve never felt as ready to be done with this life. I hope I can think of a way, but I’ll likely just go to bed and wake up again. I wish it was easier to do this. I’ll most likely talk to you tomorrow guys.
",-1.0039560439560449,0.08807274358974483,2.3710989010989003,97.9096153846154,84.38461538461539,5.482783882783883,13.706959706959706,6.18269132825596,-1.0339655677655681,246,2,68,2,7,90,48,78,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,3,18,17,5,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,2,6,3,9,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,7,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438561804421708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377343681728835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386764561266526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982771870289822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619151929459674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689246839854374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554465200300266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135393063320438,0.2232084940558814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285610420059438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600147364891036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836114221008754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463751305913942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132504220699636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626947307981583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_Moogiwara_,2019/03/26,Somebody please help me. I just want somebody to tell me it's okay. Please . all I can do is think of how badly I want to die and I just really need help. Plesse,-1.9610476190476158,-0.2094327714285704,0.17071428571428626,104.22845238095242,105.28571428571428,3.4761904761904763,11.547619047619047,5.46131890053228,-1.501952380952381,123,2,31,1,6,40,25,35,0.165,0.494,0.341,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,9,7,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418649854097475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006350021930241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38832362052528013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147889745660921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6359482756324268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557204108949185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531871060016347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856108617261889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417134648882441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunnyangel22,2019/03/26,"I can’t do this anymore I just can’t. My only friend was my boyfriend of five years who left me for another girl seven months ago. I know I should’ve been lucky to find love, since others have a hard time finding it, but fuck. Why’d it have to be ripped from me and leave my heart shattered. 

I don’t want to kill myself over a stupid guy. I want to kill myself because I have nobody. Nobody cares. My birthday is coming up and it’s the worst day of the year for me because that’s when I truly realize that no one gives one shit about me. I feel so empty. 

Social media fucking sucks. I try not to use it anymore because it’s full of people bragging about their amazing, perfect lives. It’s so hard to see all the amazing things people my age are doing and I can’t even get out of bed. 

I wanted to be a nurse because I love helping people but I couldn’t even stick school out. I didn’t even graduate high school because of my fucking depression. 

I’ll help more people out if I leave this earth because it’ll save lots of valuable recourses. Yep, that’s how I plan to help people. I love you beautiful souls. ",1.8622774327122118,3.738924217391304,3.0466459627329208,92.72702898550725,78.56521739130434,5.424430641821947,22.25672877846791,6.18269132825596,0.28275983436853025,870,26,186,6,21,280,130,230,0.198,0.5539999999999999,0.248,0.9362,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,1,2,10,21,8,0,6,1,18,8,2,2,2,28,36,10,2,5,5,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,15,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,10,0,4,3,4,32,11,24,29,5,17,1,1,1,6,14,8,5,3,8,119,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911383140950631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105414531934422,0.0,0.0,0.1993976100148635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676931442190123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249709483174327,0.0,0.0,0.08659774403867862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483357122350822,0.0,0.08658639225853444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919746696859525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050831018273919566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376530481020228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766927398352844,0.2788152580720247,0.05252280645066433,0.09643759271255843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995405634359273,0.0,0.0,0.18011037297602195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912860360436615,0.20214953781128395,0.10621552651003334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244323038987115,0.0,0.05524869117869189,0.0,0.0,0.21289363355800855,0.10922620293508092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876988363672861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085467060926075,0.27219690882316505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024213374938463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362435390401354,0.07645763970667535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484744239722731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034835729158232,0.08010944112106033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319266060975436,0.08315950341363362,0.0,0.0,0.10247773480573123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678770400148483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861988567494824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825331089752744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682569323967575,0.0,0.0,0.17788569981298358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947612360321678
suicidewatch,rich_random_guy,2019/03/26,"Me again, maybe for the last time Hello.
I'm battling the impluse to kill myself right now extremely. I already tore my arms apart. If I really kill myself, if I'm really too weak again, then there are some things I want to be my last words:

1:
To whoever put up with me, to whoever tried to cheer me up, no matter if it worked or not, to whoever cared about me, even if it was just a few seconds: Thank you. Thank you sincerely. It means a lot to me.

2:
To the people that put up with me daily, for several months years, to the people that tried to cheer me up again, again and again to the people that truly care about me: I love you. I really love you. Especially you, brother. I always wanted to be like you. My whole life I admired you, even though I never showed it. To me you are the best person there is. You are the best brother I could've imagined. 

3:
To the people I hurt, was it physically, mentally or financial: I'm sorry. Very sorry. It never was my jntention to hurt anyone. The last years I wanted to be a better person, I obviously failed completely.

4:
To my ex: I still love you like I did on the first day. You were the best thing that could've happened to me. I'd forgive you everything for just one more day with you.

5: To everyone that reads this:
Be careful of what you do. I didn't do that.
That's how I ruined countless lives. And in the end it ruined mine too.

Thanks for listening and good luck with getting out of your problems.",1.1219387422613212,3.2841368754208817,3.045441511893128,90.29246334310852,82.60269360269359,6.391180623438688,19.681655262300428,7.601502580125103,0.6214293255131964,1120,30,241,19,31,375,142,297,0.118,0.6729999999999999,0.209,0.9839,1,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,0,15,0,7,19,32,3,0,15,0,16,6,1,1,3,33,35,12,2,8,9,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,18,8,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,10,0,3,6,1,49,22,38,25,8,32,0,5,0,3,26,9,0,9,23,178,67,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300898932675542,0.0,0.0776708650562169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526928626365812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938807699485097,0.08255643609148823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855156226805099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978708942157782,0.0,0.0,0.14905744048144212,0.0,0.0,0.12040014395119092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267633346476592,0.0,0.0,0.12330753571608105,0.0,0.0,0.08919554659465448,0.0838928422485163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939956438960427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876912792278496,0.0,0.0,0.07829370740599803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254504436491215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985639997241156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065457482480725,0.0,0.0,0.2282669215834321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593262889038444,0.09120771180481868,0.0,0.08242571376753982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935893584443998,0.2527436510661868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937780182961286,0.1016805247398418,0.0,0.0,0.09407022570382063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450742163400642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398748098556813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325327065626811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588558366771375,0.1630112360173989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931895791684279,0.0,0.18767585341057427,0.0,0.0,0.09337067803643027,0.0,0.1793983939757607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971647646373578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545375199136643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898510504614726,0.0,0.0,0.07454577094740329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25781975708137084,0.0,0.0,0.12402909517704615,0.0,0.0917113986950016,0.0,0.05443046357368477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675082217633582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770197453116044,0.16517263710884192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421682501560027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795657563544852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022277676427798
suicidewatch,phybroeolhc,2019/03/26,what happens if i tell my psychologist i have a suicide plan but refuse to go to a&e? the psychologist i go to is already based in a regular hospital and i’ve told her i was suicidal in the past and she sent me to the hospital’s a&e. if i refused to go to a&e what would possibly happen?,0.7592213114754109,3.2599549836065584,3.8263729508196733,81.21037909836069,89.32786885245899,7.64016393442623,30.575819672131143,8.472884824447931,3.1312114754098364,238,14,46,7,8,85,38,61,0.238,0.762,0.0,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,11,5,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,0,8,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124989438488421,0.0,0.0,0.6259283968660736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283153388401067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405670682169025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838239380050904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170867534503467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42126708991665296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683092504932767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400296489911472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679179997651056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slowlorisss,2019/03/26,"I wanna kill myself I don't want to live anymore. I wanna die. I wanna die. That's it. My life sucks.its miserable and boring. I've never lived my life. I've always been controlled. I'm trapped. No one loves me or care about me. They're all so busy thinking about how I should make them all proud. Everyone's making me feel worthless. Each day. I feel like  I'm not good enough but not anymore. They don't own me. If they won't Let me decide how I want my life to be, at least I can make a choice to die the way I like. I'm gonna surprise them. I wanna win.",-1.4788979963570128,0.5097291065573799,0.8844808743169423,100.79326047358838,98.09836065573772,3.3668488160291434,14.974499089253184,5.033348758259628,-1.1221653916211296,429,10,103,2,18,143,74,122,0.214,0.64,0.146,-0.6702,0,1,0,0,0,4,19.0,0,0,4,3,5,12,1,1,2,0,8,4,0,6,3,27,22,7,4,8,5,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,2,23,8,10,16,6,4,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,2,4,63,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091792569795507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120742877917092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041670643871414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764680880812966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147007560953804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898764057911584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625723442482014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034332285620391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910976891225867,0.11240238931440824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196775600963198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407132586200882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088889476726284,0.3333977162695949,0.15373492272168274,0.0,0.27786489728959096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200380244236965,0.0,0.3150732644233754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134886307407942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661638674857436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008159186998075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560420750388645,0.12488768166779325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Katieneedsalife,2019/03/26,"starting to realise life really doesnt have a point i survived my first suicide attempt. everyone told me i was a miracle and i had to use my second lease on life to go and change the world or some bullshit. but 6 months later, im back in the same dark place. theres no point to keep existing. the world is a shitty, horrible place with rapists and murderers and people who just want to use you. i cant change any of those things. i cant fix the world much less fix myself. convincing myself to stay alive so i can suffer the next 50 to 60 years is so pointless. and i know how selfish and disgusting it is to kill myself- how it would fuck up my family and people who knew me. i just dont see a reason to keep going right now. i serve no purpose in this world.",2.3404789550072564,3.8203064150943433,3.800125786163523,89.60190130624098,76.04402515723271,7.15645863570392,23.551523947750358,7.882392219407189,1.0599846153846155,596,18,130,9,13,197,101,159,0.311,0.634,0.055,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,0,3,9,8,5,0,9,0,12,4,0,5,0,25,25,13,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,4,1,18,1,15,20,4,24,0,1,1,2,4,13,1,2,8,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103865163595336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744392980430066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32314714841384223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900449979486388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145945014987252,0.0,0.0,0.14398513972649662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991647068976586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120121777480069,0.0,0.0,0.17360585131091227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498020973833394,0.0,0.0,0.2715161011106257,0.16897885306206914,0.0,0.08393926353427851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157627567502964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121911767820124,0.0,0.11227793521619267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243560243246827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117746928278064,0.0,0.3191515214645383,0.0,0.288768237185176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978460707852218,0.1570372086165213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043501381410988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217101680851738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810675036089848,0.16279538559004414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706750292102973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147047047500313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145945014987252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638283221160688,0.0,0.0,0.09008716959036517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849869353274244,0.0,0.0,0.09835645178793677
suicidewatch,ordinarydark,2019/03/26,"Indifferent about life. Can anyone relate? I've read many posts here and seems like everyone has a lot of problems which lead them to be suicidal. In my case it seems i have a lot of things that i should be thankful for - a roof over my head, a job. I live comfortably. But no matter what, i can't be happy. I have been thinking about suicide since i was like 13. But i had hopes that i would be happy after i finish school, then college, then after i get to live on my own, then after i buy my own home..I'm 28 now and i have given up hope to ever be happy. There is nothing that i want from life anymore, nothing to wait for in the future. 

I am very emotionless. I don't care about anything and anyone. I am not interested in communicating with people because it seems too tiring and everyone annoys me. Even saying''hello'' to a coworker takes too much energy. I don't want family or kids. And i don't want a boyfriend either. I never had sex nor am i interested to. I don't have energy and I'm not interested to do anything other than sit in my room and waste time online. There's nothing else that i like to do, i have no hobbies (except for manga and music). I eat out of boredom, especially sweet things. It helps me feel better somehow for a short while but later i feel guilty. 

 My friend advised me to see a therapist but i see no point. I believe that I'm not depressed - it's my personality fault that i am like this and i will always be. I don't even want help. I want to die but i'm too much of a coward to do it. Surviving a suicide attempt scares me. But hopefully i will make it one day. I will live alone soon so there will be more opportunities to do it and less chance to be saved. 

 This is the first time i'm posting anything online. I don't need advice on how to make my life better because i won't do it anyway. I guess i wanted someone to hear me out and not judge me..

​",1.5822611924902006,3.5116910814249387,3.6852568599133484,87.55939756550445,79.6615776081425,6.3860532288013205,21.81755037480228,7.432916251226849,0.7743448043463309,1477,44,314,21,37,504,185,393,0.175,0.69,0.135,-0.9015,2,1,0,0,0,5,49.0,0,0,1,7,19,27,1,1,12,0,44,7,1,4,2,59,76,25,4,13,13,0,2,4,1,7,4,1,1,2,21,14,1,1,6,1,1,1,17,5,0,2,5,6,52,22,43,56,9,35,0,1,2,1,8,13,0,11,22,230,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799921231665276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478171967372053,0.0,0.0,0.06811363367530086,0.08869469765087122,0.09946821164893893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811825943804154,0.11447608447758142,0.0,0.20209009792183846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980154185855608,0.0,0.0,0.09222758660048748,0.0,0.1447960915950665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346118164882843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279258376747343,0.0,0.07050543846602939,0.0,0.08495720218689957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376267037199647,0.06838308020528898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813481105289888,0.07404657390753633,0.0,0.15644045632346765,0.0,0.0,0.07716981962206419,0.0,0.08278121163373002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962962030740366,0.0,0.0,0.06324442068444174,0.0,0.04276819257249377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017743116455734,0.0,0.0,0.2614227724807952,0.0,0.0,0.08401142898965384,0.0,0.0922615680048783,0.0,0.10973734961750443,0.0,0.08211171921859746,0.24391476184854116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123288928552952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734592859847289,0.15996960161932886,0.0,0.21685022571554452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918798203309646,0.0,0.0,0.10928365895096677,0.08299265058484502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035225335933655,0.060697757102854535,0.06313506696868783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356390973370369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055470092976656664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675104693818778,0.07147652859930645,0.0,0.0,0.07738365507194306,0.0,0.1567974815417406,0.0,0.0,0.0783284539885588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188161874062741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195560637223827,0.08284615027166861,0.13046279269020378,0.2235653513696757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771499652380535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935926024218109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686229097589023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154813120136246,0.0,0.0,0.07536519850090145,0.0,0.09504514981571746,0.10876758418814793,0.052452240732873634,0.0,0.0,0.09546582631599056,0.09408541462024818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754263280217823,0.2896970051530167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058150616272316324,0.0,0.09946821164893893,0.0
suicidewatch,TastyStegosaurus,2019/03/26,"Anyone french here? Feel deeply lonely and lost and useless and etc..
But english's not my language, so if you talk french tell me, need to talk to someone ",2.724,5.15186206666667,2.4700000000000024,95.165,78.33333333333334,4.0,23.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.08966666666666656,122,4,24,0,3,36,25,30,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.7996,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042916320705355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994356801964733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109310475901946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909667105731608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655661850976334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034621874494889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5757402230670654,0.31304183090680315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kushiel_0,2019/03/26,"I'm giving it a few days and a phone call. I want to die. While doing research for methods I came across a particular website, and I've found it extremely helpful. My death will not be an act of irrational impulse, if I still wish to this Friday. I'm still not sure how I plan to die. I wanted to die initially last Friday, and began looking for methods on Monday. This particular website has been of great aid in helping me make sure I want to die, and introduced me to the 3-day rule. Simply put, when you want to kill yourself, wait 3 days (or better, a week, which is what I am doing.) before deciding to commit fully. I am giving it a full week to see if anything in this bleak, empty, and colorless world changes. I had something written for the ideal means by which I was going to end my life, but I just noticed it's against the rules.

Now as for why. 

I am alone. There are people around me, some I would even call 'friend', but not a single one of them knows how I really am, or what I really feel. I tried to connect a couple of times, but only succeeded in driving them away. I have nobody in which to confide my true feelings. I thought about a therapist, but I do not possess the money or means to see one (and no, I will not take money from you)

I am 'evil'. I am not a good person, and I have no desire to be. I love and hate who I am because I'm comfortable with what I want and what I do but my inability to shape myself internally to society's Objective Greater Morality leaves me with consistent failure after consistent failure. It has resulted in a life of suffering.

I am hollow. I feel nothing but the empty echoes of my thoughts, and those are of no comfort, as I hope I've previously made clear. Even writing this my arms feel like they're filled with lead. My heart beats, each one counting down the remaining. Everything I do serves and has served simply as a distraction, each thing becoming less and less effective as time goes on. 

I am angry. I take blame for not reaching out, but I also blame each real person who did nothing. Surely this will not come as a surprise to many of them, as I've never been the happiest person to be around. But I've always been open to change. I've taken the first step more times than I can feasibly count, but none of them stepped back in turn. I hate them for this. For not helping me. But a person's desire to live... and die... must never be infracted upon.

I would say I'm sorry, but I don't regret what I plan to do. I will either make the right decision, or the biggest and last mistake of my life. ",3.7166357636706486,4.765192087209304,5.056283260004193,83.65079509742303,71.9263565891473,8.058998533417139,27.124240519589357,8.441846121484758,1.8057544102241767,1991,68,404,32,37,665,244,516,0.17,0.7,0.129,-0.9772,0,1,3,0,0,3,73.0,0,2,5,9,15,24,4,1,24,0,42,6,2,8,9,101,84,42,7,17,28,0,4,1,1,7,3,1,0,4,23,26,0,1,13,0,2,10,16,8,0,4,14,8,61,16,68,59,13,53,1,2,3,1,25,21,0,8,23,293,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788317429962799,0.0,0.06086879677763566,0.06333342240636862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263580845327563,0.13551621494746124,0.0,0.0,0.07151214716453592,0.05852740860419495,0.0,0.0463987374206614,0.08406256620405138,0.0647678957847248,0.0,0.0,0.06731715470868306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544297894068007,0.08705479471447053,0.0,0.0,0.1610382522622706,0.06556596526280083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421932764666877,0.0,0.1472628089528021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949745507790521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674149199515668,0.0,0.0,0.10054591563699676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840687059620756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394326101299016,0.054376266382027666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474301717547266,0.0,0.08345570095985591,0.05880593052997377,0.0,0.0,0.14603206871060245,0.04325766607386125,0.06384129286207567,0.0,0.08391658578379421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502947661923146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019613585131243,0.1530539821927228,0.0,0.0,0.07559894551577928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420949805674659,0.0,0.04183057892385018,0.1240870722510192,0.0,0.08059434305991436,0.0,0.0,0.16128592231545494,0.037185735824314434,0.0,0.06721056271753463,0.0,0.0639170716363815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686963741248277,0.0720214496405741,0.10161413744932662,0.07716823068301717,0.0,0.1658221681756373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740850250460855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460679718272378,0.08665694619894859,0.0,0.0,0.15473161420919976,0.05788856285730223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052768261415529635,0.26584123815800914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651616916410428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663504802905839,0.09752188937655856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500142972491604,0.0,0.060529363712447576,0.0,0.0,0.12130692068421173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859671715666712,0.0,0.08520403323013814,0.0,0.0,0.12157039313526735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215211253700872,0.0,0.11445737310919543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883748861446839,0.050567140393261385,0.0,0.0,0.1208529382577131,0.1331490593850691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167679898658378,0.08279079891279299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244717369980936,0.0,0.12210903910013035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868156354893352,0.0,0.08752800293929781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081392180931535,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plumblossom27,2019/03/26,"I’m really tired of it all this morning I woke up with the intent to kill myself. It’s been a while since I woke up and my mom’s gonna be home soon so I don’t think it’ll happen, but I feel like I can’t do this anymore. I’m just so tired of everything and living feel so hard.",-2.420151515151513,-0.6813730151515145,0.8578787878787892,101.97348484848487,97.33333333333331,4.1454545454545455,11.87878787878788,5.82211442006289,-1.3465939393939397,215,3,58,2,9,76,45,66,0.187,0.7609999999999999,0.053,-0.8066,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,10,15,7,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,7,1,6,9,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550297413547986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248188074045272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503373267844476,0.17684969224404282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189075518708458,0.0,0.2217560793981828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483127255712121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738772778316969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094037295969745,0.0,0.21859108988169745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899274415083053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585867996354593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477582869879735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586199751100483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5690443693830248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cofisam,2019/03/26,"I’ve pushed away almost everyone that meant anything to me. A few months ago I was happy, I had people who meant a lot to me who I could talk to about how I felt, and who I think cared about me, but I threw all of that away by telling them my problems too much, thinking that they could help me when in reality I was just pushing them away. And finally it got too much for them and they cut me out of their lives, and I’ve been left with almost no one. The people I have left all have other people that they care about way more than me, and don’t really care about me in general, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I just want to end it so I don’t stress anyone out anymore and aren’t a burden on them, and get away from this crippling loneliness.",7.213229813664597,4.313989329192552,7.305465838509318,83.65149068322985,65.64596273291926,10.690683229813663,30.45341614906832,8.418075326091056,1.8352583850931672,586,12,139,6,7,190,89,161,0.139,0.757,0.105,-0.7784,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,8,0,14,8,1,1,4,0,11,1,0,1,3,32,24,13,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,10,2,27,4,25,12,7,22,0,0,0,0,14,12,0,3,6,105,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020531011900647,0.0,0.2489841181751664,0.12876168543291186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329553729822335,0.08692990444060743,0.0,0.10230767402006312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672242042531829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802683806845445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985244484652507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101137484261665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879646286738005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387401750561963,0.1361903527332667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495391435496672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943288594007577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323447119053334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833314430638424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27015576318937257,0.0,0.08781338753738534,0.0,0.0,0.10977995672140063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569542129812798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992338573551488,0.0,0.1827842021586226,0.0,0.09588597240175868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424484299542402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25857085048400075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896083013809575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964483826851472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241218618845589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999265459599322,0.10866424699962708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932299904954872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332924045404351,0.0986822331446758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prettyprincess29,2019/03/26,"disposable Someone once told me that all the love I gave them, they gave to other people even though it was supposed to be mine. Now I see the pattern. It’s hard to regenerate love to give self and others when I keep putting it into one place tenfold what I’m getting back and then it suddenly stops. Now it starts. Now I look for lust and throwaway cares and hopes of being someone’s flavor of the week in an effort to save myself. I feel sick today, physically ill in my stomach just from my emotions and it’s never been this bad. I’m one more tick away from falling apart in front of whoever’s in front of me and I just can’t let it happen because I don’t know if I want to be saved anymore. I crash and burn so hard that by the time anyone comes back to rescue me I’m already over the edge. Like where were you hours ago? Yesterday? I needed you before I got here. It’s just too late. I wonder if people would care if they knew. I just want a list of the things that make my love disposable and meant for everyone else but me to ever see again. I wouldn’t be able to change those things but I could at least make peace with them. I think of the few times I laughed today and I silently thank those people for finding me worth the effort. I don’t want my stomach to feel this way anymore and I want all the love I gave away back so I can save myself.",2.115997652582159,3.70689632746479,3.193309859154933,93.24458920187796,76.9225352112676,5.860093896713615,21.34037558685446,6.42735559955562,0.1528291079812205,1063,27,237,8,24,341,151,284,0.047,0.775,0.17800000000000002,0.9885,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,4,2,20,14,0,0,11,0,15,9,2,2,4,50,54,20,0,12,9,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,20,13,0,2,8,0,1,5,5,1,0,2,10,8,40,13,32,36,5,41,0,0,3,5,16,12,0,5,24,162,60,0,0.10298482199212644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128983094742817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364631194813793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042665411380379,0.07200938205327449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351526062927712,0.2375669137147733,0.0859880246845372,0.06277859161584126,0.0,0.08763249832474958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099997791991288,0.0,0.10894428636758584,0.08871230524688561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222500040947904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603060405069511,0.1158440633630574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802050365281116,0.09315566748420746,0.0,0.09840641073106683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414444069378738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412626157344406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380531894910923,0.09879242533350706,0.0,0.0,0.0823663699896338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910691379750398,0.0,0.1845083444488201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228716536174423,0.10141930494960788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153764165334442,0.0,0.0,0.056597764881102526,0.0,0.11617136491022445,0.0,0.0,0.1053089579221132,0.0,0.05031318206106302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648131308318834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717912905751759,0.0,0.13748633673998592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636194059122052,0.07942824353321844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967547436062293,0.13957036130001352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21419012571288198,0.0,0.10759721977974908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103528190700786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413113927574668,0.0,0.10743562949289903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451741095109932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289318706599693,0.0,0.0,0.08609992254049027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481458764315244,0.0,0.0,0.13683707930017272,0.06598851558769915,0.10118206472476313,0.0,0.12010255577121833,0.0,0.19523513909873733,0.09840641073106683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429724650227513,0.08174455814845956,0.0826082122533821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168264641207447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315746276431441,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quinoxaline,2019/03/26,"unsure of action to take i apologize for what will probably be a long, windy rant that i hope i will feel better after posting. i just don't know what to do anymore. every day i wake up feeling a weight on my chest that doesn't dissipate until i go to sleep at the end of the day, if i can sleep at all. 

in the last nine months, i was admitted to a 72 h lockdown in a psych ward for suicidal ideation, a month ago i underwent a surgical termination, and just yesterday i walked away from my only friend because he is my ex and i cannot divorce the idea of romantic feelings from him. so now i am alone, and deservedly so. over the past year and a half i have noticed a stark change in my demeanor and perspective on life. i graduated college last year with research honors and a 4.0 in chemistry and was going to embark on further schooling but i just don't have the motivation to power forward. people keep saying i am wasting my potential and i am throwing away everything but i haven't felt the presence of this potential in a very long time. sometimes it's hard to even get through a normal day. 
i do not know what to do. i could try to stick it out until i leave for further schooling, but i am alone in my own head and it's already killing me. i already miss my friend to an unbearable point and the weight of everything else that has happened to me is just crushing me. people say it'll get better but that's simply not a guarantee. people say you'll meet others that will help you along, but that would require me to feel well enough to even try to connect to another person. at this moment i am drowning. i would do anything to have my friend back. I would do anything to erase the memories of my psych visit and surgical termination. I would do anything to just feel fucking normal again for just one day. so i really just don't know what to do now. moving forward sounds daunting and painful and i just don't know if i have the willpower to even attempt it.",4.16029220779221,5.225671169191919,5.152481962481963,83.3118181818182,70.89393939393939,8.182395382395383,30.304473304473305,8.527137837955566,2.2475897546897547,1557,64,310,25,28,511,184,396,0.096,0.8220000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.7573,2,3,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,2,0,7,19,12,2,0,23,0,40,10,5,1,1,57,61,25,3,10,17,1,9,0,3,9,2,4,0,1,18,16,2,2,13,0,0,9,9,4,1,3,3,13,46,8,55,47,3,55,0,1,0,1,18,22,1,3,27,227,64,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591563696837059,0.0,0.0,0.1773966310008981,0.1890140899837452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980212399071645,0.0,0.0,0.08493292418708817,0.0,0.0,0.21142589857780428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092519967784752,0.06585269279208451,0.0,0.05220599842317996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148512515383758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059689132760797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068377421844552,0.0,0.0,0.22092560845012893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154212071050174,0.0,0.0758525641071233,0.08849011359862835,0.0,0.16969534749230514,0.0,0.07215629105685396,0.0,0.1539373343762586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165134788270275,0.0,0.08222885285545635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849822347672488,0.07917378472847791,0.08948784367144327,0.0,0.09734358184655337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757321110772672,0.0,0.07671757275395806,0.0,0.08789244029072997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740340073317453,0.0,0.0,0.08506090143378263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667833828690207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761217136736506,0.09474914980789192,0.0,0.18826435879410602,0.13961779691421147,0.0,0.0906815223991312,0.0,0.0,0.06049081702190377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157929537935522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367157622769632,0.09102289892155536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678201210522844,0.0,0.09750292029725262,0.0,0.0,0.0580326021531243,0.06513388917998265,0.09112813146254656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175408717319581,0.17811819407566665,0.07477847475820064,0.0,0.0,0.08095848820434667,0.0,0.08202046703574976,0.0,0.09233555307872596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486385929922975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431563716134493,0.0,0.17334666017801487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140582820399256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847012032686903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367742516562466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439142282995768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993799379556282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162893232179732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066284780580555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085754910283136,0.07700160264737088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433478220785004,0.0,0.0,0.11030007620663404
suicidewatch,irresistible_zey,2019/03/26,"I remember the time when he was always that great friend I just wish somebody would hang out with me. At least for a little. But I lost friends and that's it.

I wish I could chat, especially with one of them. But he'd just be pissed at me if I tried.",-0.09611111111111016,1.9267434629629645,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,86.5925925925926,5.0814814814814815,16.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.6600148148148149,193,4,49,2,6,62,41,54,0.104,0.636,0.26,0.8524,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,14,8,5,0,5,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,10,3,7,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,6,4,1,1,2,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115759792251857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301675478852332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929022580303926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28033750799886026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25484891666667914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775696380251971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230235132065705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28804238653296954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826896316846647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263506271074494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5848041122011013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062864828227065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throway_of_course,2019/03/26,"I havent done it because ... Im home alone all day with nothing but my parents dogs there budgies and my hamsters, it would be a great time todo something (im not sure what i should do since ive survived my other attemps) but then i think about how my dogs will have to be alone for hours.

Then i start to think about who will find me if im home im making my parents find me, if im out in the world some weirdo (someone like logan paul) might mess with me or remove my note and steel my things.

Does anyone feel the same.",1.159642857142856,2.7669371071428586,2.2637142857142862,98.78128571428572,79.71428571428572,4.48,20.128571428571426,3.1291,-0.6471814285714284,404,10,96,0,10,128,73,112,0.112,0.777,0.111,0.451,2,2,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,2,2,25,17,10,0,4,6,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,15,3,9,9,3,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,5,7,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26668131686352625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002127190669777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848156038317504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302966614689809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266533479502842,0.13175050418589704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509717724233736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353406054892997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194146135123115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582828172796691,0.0,0.12678757360676146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6953317214923567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289814623682335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593807188880935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657775737748512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353399023636474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859114567130049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649892756288938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908494737573872,0.09911394256471658,0.0,0.0,0.09112614531477572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121340334826601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553224296165908,0.16498878160195246,0.0,0.0,0.07507205673401922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145652496556858,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,velouraptor,2019/03/26,"He gives humorous responses when i tell him i don't want to live anymore. I vent to my partner about anything, we're long distance so it's via call or text. Felt super suicidal today, not actually realistically going to end my life anytime soon, but definitely dreaming, thinking, trying to convince myself my family would understand, and planning/researching methods. I vented to my partner about this and dropping ""hints"" of what suicide method I'd use. I don't know why I told him, maybe I want him to care, maybe I was so obsessed/immersed in my idea I legitimately wanted his opinion on the method for research purposes.

His responses were just light-hearted and nonchalant, even joking. I said something about wanting to return to Earth instead of being in this life and he was like ""haha :D"". I told him about my suicide method and he just said there's many suicide methods that induce euphoria as well. Maybe he thinks I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with it, which is true. I'm SCARED of killing myself but I want to be brave. 

Maybe I'm triggering him in some way and I should stop talking about suicide. His mom killed herself when he was a young adult. In a pretty bad way. But he hasn't said that it triggers him, surely he would've if it did? Then again I actually haven't asked, I don't know how to ...maybe his way of dealing with my suicidal urges are to distance himself and see things with humor instead. I don't know how losing someone, much less a parent to suicide affects someone. ",4.461451274362819,6.304688641379316,5.196356821589205,80.26476011994004,71.20689655172414,7.526236881559218,31.574212893553227,8.18289091462,2.4471739130434784,1206,55,217,18,23,390,161,290,0.209,0.634,0.157,-0.9781,1,0,6,0,0,8,40.0,0,0,0,2,21,17,2,1,5,1,17,2,0,7,2,45,44,20,9,8,8,2,1,1,2,2,2,3,0,3,11,10,0,1,9,2,0,2,7,5,1,0,11,5,37,12,34,29,4,22,0,1,1,0,35,5,0,4,12,138,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.2249327025790988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619732736616254,0.0,0.0,0.06322671120303171,0.0,0.07182814113057871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415204007424438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845470969974637,0.0,0.07833599097193568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921107192647169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805090857465103,0.0,0.0,0.05074723011970899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243096938952558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377137758932524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370486358162176,0.0873315130021659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104704120414543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673469166605695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700078516000294,0.0,0.1266756188696844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853832318575353,0.03753654399767236,0.0,0.06784462344578514,0.06799446329265114,0.0,0.08595606439994045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789623149964943,0.3859435392173911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899854523181909,0.0,0.0,0.11296165290683308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531354750852135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816641059087041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219256288240924,0.0,0.07692287017799841,0.0,0.06122566172951361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302000828843502,0.05914951534271405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423552234710339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882970179513265,0.0,0.07241384825177061,0.0,0.0,0.06175516082680275,0.06715510863625912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051044187996597885,0.09846249898058718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282835321146254,0.14683374872122584,0.0,0.05216431504766477,0.0,0.0,0.07998548162430535,0.0,0.06635872687826516,0.0,0.0,0.2265893909393473,0.1829585057720622,0.0,0.0,0.06908176517879575,0.0,0.06932950161760051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091593974906204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kyutekyu,2019/03/26,"I don't know what to do. I'm tired of everything going wrong, you know?
Feeling like I'm faking my way through the days hoping something will get easier. I check this dumb app multiple times a day instead of doing things.

I've had to start my life from scratch yet again, except this time I didn't just lose a couple friends, I lost my freedom, my job, an income and who I thought was the love of my life.
I can't find a job, I have no money and depend on my parents again, which I hate. My friends are supportive, truly, but I do nothing but bug them with my problems and I'm tired of that. 
I miss my ex dearly, and I wish he'd get better and comd back to me. Instead I'm freaking out over him playing with a girl he just met, because in my mind he's moved on. He's going to fall for her and forget about me, because he cheated before, and now that we're not together he can bang anyone and be with anyone. And that thought hurts me so much, because I did all I could and more, but I was never enough because he was never enough for himself.
I'm so far away from him, so he doesn't want to put the effort anymore, why would he? Clearly the ""I love you""s were empty, he never meant them, he never cared.

They say things get easier, and I thought so too. But I'm so tired, so so tired. I try to tell people exactly what I'm told, to help them, maybe they'll get out of this hole that I can't. I'm a hypocrite, and I'm okay with that.

My family know I'm not okay, and they care, but in ""tough love"" sort of way. I can't handle that, I can't cope with anything anymore. 
I don't know how long I want to continue fighting. My life isn't as big of a mess as others, that's true, but fuck as illogical as it is, it feels the worst. I want to push people away, I want to be alone. I don't know if this is me being an attention seeker, honestly I'm just trying to vent shit out to people who *know* that feeling. I'm sorry, guys.

I want to die. ",1.8228767942583737,2.8090187846889982,3.562748205741628,92.78517494019142,76.46411483253588,6.373325358851675,22.392643540669866,6.6274283507984215,0.328810765550239,1484,39,351,12,32,498,193,418,0.195,0.6459999999999999,0.159,-0.9425,4,2,1,0,2,1,64.0,0,1,6,4,21,34,6,0,13,2,32,12,1,2,8,72,83,32,1,11,13,2,4,1,2,3,7,1,0,2,22,21,0,0,15,1,2,6,17,17,0,0,14,5,54,17,46,61,6,36,0,4,0,4,39,12,3,4,17,217,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276942418542238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851144837838166,0.11175899276018283,0.0,0.06576449539255634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016842246786666,0.0614508791143024,0.0,0.19486550129533395,0.0,0.06800308144976694,0.0,0.0,0.07067967700906508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629604583038371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638068468541394,0.08842612112391263,0.0,0.1030791018750445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294074161831165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515027838660593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182382469764739,0.0,0.0753381927046593,0.0,0.12122459735419652,0.0570923854621096,0.0,0.0,0.0730422612010962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234866266722929,0.0738815448250934,0.16701235531903544,0.0,0.0908368120874287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912992979932341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890102884321361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356636592434332,0.0,0.0,0.07937514700977058,0.0,0.0,0.08555229893033726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860965068783653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26352021147369514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934222702515836,0.039043180134111496,0.0,0.0,0.07072361479580618,0.0,0.08940615593684567,0.08723833362069808,0.0,0.21638336717507284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028689654644562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069291431118787,0.0,0.0,0.0849386246956054,0.058747845339223975,0.0,0.2465462205304216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668206651629851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873784979943353,0.0,0.0,0.1662121797624849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646932686571742,0.0,0.08033818639385086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355283278495702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203317027747542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061523649660293216,0.0,0.08946001319629487,0.05656533171988911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068833192418686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985057024892538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618598381748756,0.0,0.0,0.1903343957112433,0.09319994338365993,0.36740918312740906,0.0,0.07636366978064334,0.0,0.10851615690058262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568420170679905,0.12686804443814287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211223868750417,0.0,0.09190006624270017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677041045416505,0.0873761807550544,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,T_roy04,2019/03/26,"Suicide Note. Names are // If you are seeing this, chances are that I’ve killed myself in some manner, as of the time I am writing this I have not decided on how. I apologize for how this made you feel, my not wanting to be a cause for sadness was one of the reasons for putting this off for so long. It has been on my brain for a long time and obviously, I succumbed. It honestly is not a cause for sadness though you may feel some. I am finally able to rest. I was so tired for so long. 

To my mother, thank you. You caused none of this and should not feel bad whatsoever. I love you so much!                       To my father, love you! You used to make me want to run away or commit suicide. But, you have gotten better recently! I still disapprove of your corporal punishment however.                                                                                                                      To my friends, thank you, for trying. You truly attempted to help me and I played it off as a joke, pretending I was happy. To, my friends, specifically. // – You better vote republican, and join MARSOC. // – You are a massive dick. Even when I said I was going to kill myself, you said I wouldn’t do anything. Fuck you. // – You were pretty awesome. Thanks. // – Thanks for all the laughs and I know you truly cared. // – You also truly cared. Thanks for being one of my closest friends. // – You could be a dick sometimes but you were pretty cool. Don’t become a scammer please. // – you little minion you, keep spreading the word of Jesus Christ!                                                                                                                                                         To //, we had some great times but you were a bitch. Guess things just got old. Have fun with // and know that you partly caused this as well.                                                                                                                                                                                     To //, do well in track and football. Continue in your academics. You’re a smart man //, even if you could be an asshole. Please continue pushing red pills down leftist mouths.                                                                                                                        
To //, I didn’t get your methods sometimes, but you were ultimately a great teacher! Thanks for all the heart to heart talks we had!                                                                                                                                                                                                         
 (My pets)

To Pixel, Duff, and Harvey, I love you. Thanks for pushing me on for a little longer. 

My Last Wishes - Please continue to care for my pets, and give them unconditional love and support. - Cremate my body - Someone call//. a dick - Give my I-Pad to //, since I paid for it. // father can’t take it away from him. - Give my MAGA hat to // and donate the rest of my clothes, or keep them. - Give // my Skullcandy Headphones - Give my dog, Duff, one last pat, and a kiss, from me - Handel Pixel one last time, for me. 

P.S – I was just generally unhappy, so none of you take the blame for this. Some was caused by // and // but they were not the main causes of suicide. I know my friends and parents were weary of me being suicidal, this does not mean that they knew I was going to. So, **DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRUMSTANCES** blame them for this, saying they could’ve prevented it.

​

​

​

​",1.005890410958905,3.604559161904763,2.026604044357473,93.34219960861057,90.71428571428572,4.781474233529028,20.144161774298762,6.472231888202709,0.2879038486627525,2100,68,424,25,73,659,228,525,0.095,0.6859999999999999,0.219,0.9962,2,0,1,0,0,5,157.0,2,31,6,3,20,42,5,0,22,1,43,16,8,12,4,80,92,37,7,9,18,4,3,0,4,3,2,3,2,1,19,17,0,3,10,3,2,6,13,8,2,4,24,9,85,34,66,58,13,39,2,2,2,9,67,15,5,10,18,300,104,1,0.05324477300904744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04257982573852859,0.0,0.2307627572394868,0.25879290854727344,0.03620827148721783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043815911437767176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005043390549596,0.0,0.04445716142690023,0.0,0.058804668559132064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418134967183862,0.0,0.05914293963819954,0.0,0.05943877578177075,0.054368866364742835,0.0,0.1628597839824768,0.3281822929682131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753485604333795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659485967041091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033534081812379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076647117939657,0.0,0.0,0.05832704624746786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454711818967965,0.04922393467202252,0.027818196300264008,0.2553861899328238,0.06052046305463433,0.0,0.04258470897791677,0.11740510042607205,0.05865512033825303,0.0,0.0,0.05668005095066201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261906247586159,0.03568884899631895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094652801399967,0.11781490493016145,0.0,0.08778580432398482,0.1302047894626833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673050091766093,0.0,0.14135984579313973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922219458215844,0.0503814916259131,0.035541299435977475,0.0,0.0,0.05799916704693137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914103458375252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587143253811341,0.0,0.14432014470594734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912201933248544,0.05765890050354649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534031497605662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833815198325546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053525703179077816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474449455772285,0.05257278984915675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129594412387352,0.04234238058549882,0.0,0.0,0.04242919046421044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404462644938645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511412338474668,0.0,0.10532088394253687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042521344504102464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329645587821647,0.060421537431560125,0.0,0.0,0.08006688581808688,0.04279613166851723,0.0,0.3431444332810942,0.0,0.0,0.03537346128109902,0.0,0.052312719142910635,0.0,0.12418982129879072,0.061197033951373776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03614970579445021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598638842188632,0.0,0.0,0.06281029329047241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574689075061696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061228861250729724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25879290854727344,0.0
suicidewatch,drfedi86,2019/03/26,"They don’t get it. I have sought out help so many times.. Asking for a reason to want to live and they tell me the most bullshit reasons. “I need you”, “Things will get better”, “Your parents will miss you”. But what about me? They never understand my struggle cause they are maybe the most positive people I’ve ever met and can’t comprehend how difficult it is how me to get through the day. I want support and affection but rather I’m offered solutions that are so simple minded and unhelpful I want to kill myself faster. I plan on killing myself tonight. I wish someone would care enough to actually talk to me and hold me and tell me that they’re here for me. I wish I had that reason to live.",2.989347826086956,4.9327549637681205,3.687753623188408,89.1059782608696,75.44927536231884,6.918840579710146,24.54347826086957,7.793537801064563,1.2073652173913034,547,18,112,8,12,173,85,138,0.119,0.6920000000000001,0.189,0.5763,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,3,4,2,8,8,2,1,4,0,10,0,0,7,2,31,26,12,2,8,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,25,3,13,21,3,8,0,1,0,0,15,2,0,2,6,78,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.13671986067623507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309769544677786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390930376890907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284386817232492,0.14392389283252016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903545424013686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476336677020518,0.0,0.0,0.12673076073095482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959337051441075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390777360604967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31000538629701985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742620416106514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204197694317974,0.14075182391623808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146361803692384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388425184820828,0.10805570931253096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555672811745816,0.0,0.0,0.09712945476364117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321462091675615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870842025998525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646558540758248,0.0,0.0,0.1589866924158199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260910780160853,0.2449115755380588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307789651581183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169491277167201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585167623570908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24790830896758415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222219938268568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952481861438883,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kindapinksushi,2019/03/26,"I don’t know anymore      I’ve been struggling with depression for 4 years now, and every year it gets worse and worse. Recently my suicidal tendency’s have gotten so strong that I’ve had mouthfuls of pills and decided to spit them out. My parents don’t believe in medication, and we don’t have the money or time for therapy. I’m afraid to talk to my school councilor about it because I don’t want him to contact home, I’ve gotten into so much shit recently, I don’t want to get into anymore trouble. I’m so tired of being called an attention whore in my own home just for showing even mild depression. Everyone hates me anymore too, and I don’t know what I even did, everyone’s constantly mad at me and I have no one to talk too. I’m afraid that today might be my last, I don’t know how much longer I can keep spitting these pills. I feel like eventually I’ll let them go down.",3.184404761904758,4.60072113888889,4.567619047619051,85.215,73.7222222222222,8.253968253968255,27.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.0910476190476186,695,27,145,14,14,231,104,180,0.228,0.723,0.049,-0.9881,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,1,11,12,3,3,2,0,18,9,4,1,0,24,34,11,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,6,11,0,1,6,1,1,1,8,10,0,1,5,1,20,2,20,25,3,17,0,2,0,1,9,7,1,2,10,88,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768426799010619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721170771327561,0.0,0.0,0.14270419729166056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293356082864459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687614257674224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818682179282164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731752374086042,0.0,0.1067178221474668,0.24206108569541102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404388747693891,0.09048703951497496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323508684470038,0.0,0.07198468007808655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250520617928344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541037321097208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258260897839482,0.0,0.0,0.2088296328451724,0.10324607183573267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952002058963175,0.0,0.06188043738214979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275981902248576,0.0,0.13436789267795682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622163217047585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582914704487916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064266637806302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25012600810325314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281882548270028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001626504751598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241415745531507,0.0,0.1385471821186154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361151856732068,0.0,0.0,0.14484852570963014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385737074646878,0.14557882370267528,0.1200603430839678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494165325220267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25815788913388665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313177608029933
suicidewatch,sploogecaster69,2019/03/26,I have a friend who has become extremely suicidal and I don't think being a good friend is enough help. Does 51/50ing someone actually help or will it just make them more depressed and hate me forever.,5.106754385964912,7.0848242368421115,5.18684210526316,80.43622807017546,69.78947368421053,9.27719298245614,31.08771929824561,9.725611199111238,3.0873403508771933,163,7,30,4,3,51,33,38,0.28600000000000003,0.485,0.229,-0.6067,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,9,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2667742877107657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192089548974965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545724202109186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923205591684274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824691589482191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224172543726604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22929374132302302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26990093477552696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664746188351312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247974549485388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316295094472141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29902756842408323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516747940996558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,obscenetokemachine,2019/03/26,"Cant even get a job at Walmart. My life is pathetic Who knows why we even try. Fucking working for the majority of your life to survive. I don't think any money in the world could make me comfortable. I just want to be like everyone else and slave away my life. But fuck you kid, you worked under the table your whole life, go neck yourself. I can't believe we keep populating the earth with these hoardes of fucking bodies we can't employ. This is why we need population control and child limitations. Who knows maybe I'm just an ingrate who worked construction off the books because tax would rape me. Regardless I want to fucking put some buckshot through my chin right about now",4.155537820957665,6.22162780152672,4.457598889659959,84.31521165857045,72.51145038167941,7.511727966689799,29.466342817487856,8.296473431620573,2.126734351145038,546,23,104,9,11,171,93,131,0.08900000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.063,-0.7579,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,4,4,0,6,6,7,5,0,7,0,9,11,2,2,0,24,24,3,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,7,0,3,3,1,2,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,17,2,14,21,3,10,0,0,0,5,13,7,4,1,2,62,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547534979184163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190839802066925,0.0,0.0,0.08558522385377802,0.0,0.0,0.1581802945666559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595035658270132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746812266663754,0.11209625583009268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728438495419433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546290644416386,0.0,0.0,0.1341561585612248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191821854960604,0.07335207987720209,0.0,0.07979133140538418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932319850617986,0.12479205650054015,0.0,0.0,0.15431796898579547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966686030177613,0.06859129583285195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937166524755106,0.0,0.14104850715547773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041032239047456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113861347070386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198989934442759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996127076107664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532092154180036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656205744191077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533744372253294,0.15674918126885715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30663391226216685,0.0,0.0,0.09973460165484753,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWLurker29,2019/03/26,"Becoming homeless on Thursday Some months ago I lost my source of income, therefore I had to move out to save money. Currently I'm living in a hostel but I've ran out of money. I've had several job interviews but they never call me back, the hostel owner has given me some days here for free but his patience is limited. Therefore he has decided to ""evict"" me on Thursday. I'm absolutely devastated at the moment, I have no family(parents died early, and the remaining relatives do not like me). 

Earlier I've thought about killing myself, therefore I decided to lurk around this subreddit (you guys are doing a great job by the way). Because of my financial situation and other things I do not like to talk about I've decided to kill myself. Going to do it on Thursday, decided to jump from a bridge to perhaps just to become statistics of missing persons. I don't want my friends back home to know that I've died.  Since I don't have any relatives or anything this is where I post my suicide-letter. 

When you come to heaven, ask for me, if heaven is anything like I imagine we're gonna have a great time there.

​

\- Best regards, Harold. ",4.501451871657757,6.207381450000002,5.708877005347596,77.18243315508023,70.86363636363636,8.81283422459893,31.577540106951872,9.325443323948027,3.057082887700536,909,41,162,20,17,303,131,220,0.204,0.6709999999999999,0.125,-0.9538,6,0,0,0,0,3,34.0,0,2,1,3,10,15,2,0,8,0,17,0,0,3,1,30,30,8,4,2,8,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,1,7,0,3,5,6,4,0,0,6,0,24,12,30,23,3,30,2,2,0,0,13,9,0,4,17,106,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813695476922112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439938375139613,0.1619392009373306,0.09062904520648253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21934182745279454,0.1186397005565727,0.12459066301524575,0.0,0.0,0.20495478666802736,0.0,0.0812409395572989,0.29437533172933594,0.0,0.0,0.13985999348958225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608488461911106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480141307808958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594895483689875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766291101035296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296506571898474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574114362283192,0.0,0.0,0.2938641287458952,0.0,0.13195952698178434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368196710704586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645023764407777,0.0,0.2948898664959021,0.0,0.07324241397323115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532885706184486,0.0,0.1176809880373129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548135286434746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637586977688404,0.14164628688209996,0.0,0.0,0.1027870324251801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636734726867305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763705333052594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505586201119791,0.0,0.110243385768725,0.14980251040185394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071184122395302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853952121647703,0.0,0.0,0.1058025153066427,0.07771155917126825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786068579946461,0.10578454432866484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619392009373306,0.0
suicidewatch,ColumbianBologna,2019/03/26,"It’s only a matter of time. Only thing holding me back is my family. Nothing ever seems to go right for me. I try to be a good person and a nice guy to my friends and family but always end up getting dumped on. People have been messing with me and talking shit to me for as long as I can remember and it gets so fucking old. I’m the guy in the friend group that everyone gangs up on while I already have enough personal issues that I deal with all day everyday that are depressing enough. My mom is shoving going to college down my throat and that is completely overwhelming as it’s so expensive and I also have very bad anxiety. 

Nothing in my life really seems to matter anymore as I’m confident I will end up hanging myself someday. Just wish I wasn’t an only child for my parents sake. ",4.9684375,5.3181589687500015,6.3587500000000015,77.97125,68.6875,9.65,31.625,9.642632912329526,2.9464500000000013,625,25,120,13,10,213,100,160,0.114,0.769,0.118,-0.5035,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,3,1,6,0,12,4,2,0,2,19,22,15,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,8,8,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,7,0,0,2,0,18,4,24,18,3,22,0,2,0,1,12,9,2,2,10,85,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146373940997226,0.10251558865891536,0.10666652576510503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806700032161582,0.0,0.1271326286369702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857220880607936,0.1070354797074516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440751885491686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267363217595654,0.1321609581235319,0.11041211227354966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270812162913589,0.26491448064113604,0.0,0.0,0.1159575602907532,0.0,0.12249353811220118,0.0,0.0,0.2416971789302815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808259417181506,0.1185120077756514,0.1339507017554729,0.0,0.14570963568650752,0.10752188419973097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538616884058179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379978556250866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054623575013712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344643112762848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013764245724226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460085447521934,0.0,0.13451658611836073,0.0,0.0,0.29248878302694165,0.0,0.0,0.14234272943698908,0.0,0.0,0.08887261894271792,0.22386569525222186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821234723358356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521724421211588,0.10947579358705577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334034859622685,0.0,0.0,0.1315878780932517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303636884903096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851654778580719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475014525699998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703437144439402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057723335739326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741518184171226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CurrentSwim,2019/03/26,"Please, I'm so tired of living I just can't take it anymore. The constant battle to ignore how hellish my life truly is. All of that exhausting shit until I get a panic attack in the middle of the city about how pointless my existence is. How I'm not even real - not real in anyone's eyes. To them I'm just like my father - a zombie with no personality.

I'm just so fucking tired.

Let me rest.",0.7018970189701932,2.8936946097561003,3.3608943089430916,87.19453929539299,84.60975609756099,5.107859078590786,18.86720867208672,6.42735559955562,0.14923143631436275,306,8,62,3,9,107,56,82,0.313,0.608,0.079,-0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,0,10,9,5,1,5,0,4,7,2,3,1,13,11,6,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,0,1,7,1,10,10,2,5,1,0,1,1,3,3,2,0,3,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046200792726774,0.14426802727481747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347257588501365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296524760898534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627646282217118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074518230142268,0.10779688702143728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109824467393714,0.1457342472634737,0.10080052508294267,0.0,0.18218975267978152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24207925786747725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801560181680294,0.0,0.2264841319420581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696886124923706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179080724941945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513157200290367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474283068801315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kushteenaa,2019/03/26,"Can't take it I'm drowning in debt. I lost my job.

​

I got diagnosed with cancer in my last year at university. Finished my degree but now I'm disabled and can't work in the field.  Got an office job and was being abused there so I left. Got another job. Got abused there and then after Christmas they fired me. Now I work part-time but make so little. I feel so worthless. My parents don't support me and my boyfriends parents will pass away within the next few years. I feel like I have no support, I lost all the friends I had before chemo more or less.

​

This morning I woke up and my bank account was in the negative over 300 dollars and I have nothing.

​

I literally have nothing. What's the point?",1.3403295019157109,3.9240441862068964,2.362701149425288,92.47102490421459,86.44827586206895,4.601532567049809,24.60727969348659,6.139981653823899,0.6924406130268204,577,24,115,5,18,182,88,145,0.256,0.698,0.046,-0.9869,6,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,1,4,7,7,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,14,26,13,1,0,3,2,3,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,4,1,5,3,0,0,10,3,21,4,11,14,4,22,0,3,0,0,4,12,0,1,10,75,24,5,0.0,0.24019682700247585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32947984767882604,0.3695009069423859,0.0,0.10628779615077703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523374313869436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625232768643629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028811686963836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250421472811352,0.07241364706268152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831269378946455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242765535845379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017609924514389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262425919331479,0.0,0.0,0.11013104340404847,0.0,0.0,0.049520773104017715,0.10159221417327964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129906992021728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766049579551843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078005509889528,0.0,0.0,0.1945207948767019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22510291992413048,0.10976609907361226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582066557610867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23005074345754006,0.0,0.0,0.07621225556220199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758673784824722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695009069423859,0.1305487163808937
suicidewatch,Tjtheman100,2019/03/26,"It's coming Today would be the day i would've  felt no pain. Everyone would be sad and i'm fine with that. i wouldn't care, as i'm on the cliff ready to fall into the darkness but i'm still here on this planet. Being a productive member of society by working a shitty job and treated like shit, how is that being productive! I'm planning my suicide date which will most likely be a couple months away, as for what i'll be doing in between i don't know, but i know i don't want to be here.",2.2132075471698123,3.21131574528302,4.16051886792453,88.83341981132078,75.50943396226415,6.809433962264151,22.683962264150942,7.1686216300943375,0.672003773584906,383,10,85,4,8,131,70,106,0.245,0.696,0.059,-0.9656,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,0,6,0,15,2,1,1,0,16,25,7,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,6,5,14,13,1,12,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,7,57,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20872148501834692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265013396123645,0.0,0.0,0.19136644862342736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580975163862576,0.0,0.14327128742609352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227816469174332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330317829282253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045408272761505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441806293992245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706695465018544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732161889491302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363880730163625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280384229879143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741288714961714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430009884394232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057650971784347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103249209701995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173113687150378,0.0,0.0,0.4734365926084069,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,123455takenname76435,2019/03/26,"Dear people of this reddit Im here to say **DO NOT GIVE UP! YOUR LIFE MATTERS. I**t may seem like it doesn't but it does! There so many thing that you can do make new friends get a job get pet go outside video games do what make you happy (long as its safe) 

. I may be 11 years old but know the pain you guy/girls are going through i can better! My  brother tried commiting  suicide  (He is alive lucky) . He said when jumped off the bridge everything flashed before him he regret it. he went to hospital for 10 weeks i was 5 so i could see him. but that day when saw him at my school i ran as fast as i could to him i love my brother i don't know what could do with out him. so please do it call  *800-273-TALK (8255)*",-1.0096918767507006,1.0827640718954257,0.4396638655462191,104.88705882352942,94.55555555555556,3.698599439775911,15.128851540616246,5.288315135182226,-1.2095736694677872,545,12,138,3,21,171,104,153,0.083,0.731,0.18600000000000005,0.9492,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,4,0,1,7,10,0,0,3,0,18,3,0,2,1,21,34,11,1,4,4,2,0,1,1,2,2,2,1,0,11,2,0,1,3,2,0,5,3,2,0,0,5,4,20,8,14,23,0,18,0,1,2,1,22,4,0,4,10,77,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743473044658994,0.0,0.0,0.14284414986353816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492170736513065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868623279015637,0.0,0.0,0.1041618135447146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413401515442685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515648080235827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478369280222835,0.0,0.16876660252136566,0.15493693099516234,0.1835818689052376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992217323653166,0.0,0.17193242017618424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446056689586745,0.0,0.16027563842539164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752543198045426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408063099620833,0.07890655574884481,0.0,0.0,0.14293294845543206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577079502296367,0.0,0.21562089397390305,0.16374771566165375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598919885158807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947956915829215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718600483605363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197201477539592,0.0,0.0,0.17729156439026186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363480214942962,0.12844074498844216,0.0,0.16345866486670618,0.12870407277823334,0.14703436721967714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766678034638688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298171467480106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730132923419444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965597774968586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295551034234502,0.0,0.0,0.14972314883033486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400836781578203
suicidewatch,daxlasaint,2019/03/26,"I will never find my happy place... I might as well just end things right now. Happiness makes me sad and depressed... whenever i find something or someone that makes me happy, all i can think about is; ""how long? How long before this becomes another bitter memory in a room full of so many others???""... ",3.5987500000000026,5.811859946428572,4.370857142857143,83.67414285714288,74.53571428571428,7.337142857142857,23.7,8.238735603445708,1.5485328571428565,231,7,42,4,5,74,47,56,0.202,0.708,0.09,-0.7996,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,2,13,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,7,4,4,5,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,2,5,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896679066214588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19976717538568395,0.15391511561974242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579123162826536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020553197110746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306411367902116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776487117384848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32014529683874904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414769157561872,0.18338340320990884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918845448096828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395054063343493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898055903178249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447008815621546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325859696853114,0.13924986116706348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016828964241523,0.11590026759955338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626323758459657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justhatinlife,2019/03/26,la tristesse durera toujours the sadness will last forever,9.236666666666668,13.57755933333333,6.2755555555555596,66.10000000000002,66.77777777777777,8.044444444444443,53.444444444444436,8.841846274778883,6.727577777777778,50,4,5,1,1,14,9,9,0.266,0.7340000000000001,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway37383838822,2019/03/26,"Running out of time I’ve only got about a decade of life (medical, expected death near 30 if not earlier); however, Ive decided that I can’t go on anymore anyway. Life is so shitty it isn’t worth “waiting it out.”

Never posted on reddit before anyway but as someone who always lurked I felt I should say something before I attempt again. 

Idk anymore. 
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suicidewatch,Elasfarther,2019/03/26,"Life is meaningless I'm 17 male. All I do is play Xbox. I've never had any close best friend's, they all seem to leave me. I have mates on Xbox but eventually they leave too ( besides a few )

I'm lonely and it's dark. I'm at a loss with life it's cruel and unforgiving but at the same time it can be joyful, but good things don't last forever. I do feel like there's no hope and some nights like this one I tend to drift and fade into night.

When I wake after slumber I feel the same, alone. Then I get on the Xbox and the cycle continues. A never ending race track, in this case the race track is my life at the moment and I guess I can escape the track and get out of bounds to escape this never ending cycle. This race track is possible to escape and I hope I do because If I don't I'll crash and burn. 

If you read this far thank you. ",0.6046480231436853,2.2389765300546465,2.5361041465766654,96.05308582449369,81.51366120218579,5.617357762777242,15.682738669238189,6.522977012572876,-0.6261247830279655,647,9,158,6,17,216,98,183,0.107,0.693,0.2,0.9598,0,3,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,2,2,3,13,1,0,10,0,14,4,1,0,5,33,27,16,0,4,5,0,2,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,9,13,0,1,3,5,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,2,18,10,15,25,7,26,0,2,0,0,7,10,0,7,17,96,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398528126980375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767189836284644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651835310618448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616075971813854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804721598141165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011588731456378,0.113113157189476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232771586371445,0.0,0.165444959488724,0.0,0.0,0.1328022439781578,0.0,0.0,0.1744216969249801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31452087377265425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290625620569502,0.0,0.33530366101530434,0.0,0.0,0.3355059311197484,0.15470705369695004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663486098663313,0.0,0.0,0.2971696692000552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729056728084684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178496715427817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837588965738633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441404553073823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457717928073087,0.0,0.0,0.10518943797538437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232527035503424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,degree_need,2019/03/26,"Anyone held back by guilt? I worry about my mother's wellbeing, but I am very close to death My mental health is worse than I thought, I felt I had my life together because of my education was going well and I seemed to be excelling in my field. 

But I can't continue anymore, I don't have it in me. I feel more sad about how my mother would feel, she would never be able to move on from my death. She has more kids, but I am the youngest and spent more time with her. Once I can shake that feeling away nothing would be able to stop me from doing it already. ",3.3537820512820486,3.9868634700854715,4.233408119658119,90.75985576923081,72.41880341880342,7.217521367521367,24.881410256410252,7.1686216300943375,0.7951717948717949,434,12,99,4,8,140,77,117,0.22,0.7090000000000001,0.071,-0.9658,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,1,0,17,2,0,1,1,20,26,6,2,3,3,2,4,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,6,0,1,3,3,3,1,0,6,4,23,2,16,14,3,13,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,72,26,1,0.3707260538259067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455270954210256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838303141664934,0.12961013832258456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415466556243747,0.14253272591924754,0.0,0.11299558072872297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117534782891906,0.0,0.17797757464080005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053460798872629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970322296425546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092738774458626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680233327904014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701156253888025,0.0,0.0,0.14296339362340413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786082359146024,0.0,0.0,0.19740557406753934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874753795313766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549717905061415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715753811785656,0.10808667164291874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529439099897979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666362239935228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824515156555066,0.188900760430722,0.3950297279817143,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway071985,2019/03/26,"I just want to get everything off my chest, advice is welcome I’m not completely sure where to start with all of this to be honest, I’ve posted in here before under a different name but that thread’s been lost to time now.

I can remember actually having hobbies and being interested in things, when I was younger I was honestly so extroverted that sometimes I annoyed people but at least back then I had a personality. Now I find absolutely nothing interesting anymore, I’m currently in a completely different country to the one I grew up in (back home in July) and even on the way here and for the past 7 months I’ve found absolutely nothing interesting, I’m just doing it because it’s a part of my degree.

This is my first time writing this anywhere or telling anyone, because I’m not really sure if what I experienced can be considered bad or not. When I was a child (maybe starting about 9/10 I’m not sure, I’m 21 now for context) a family member used to touch me. I can’t really remember everything all too clearly to the point where I’m not sure what the worst thing they did was if that makes sense? But it ended when I was around 14.

Since then I think I changed into a completely different person, as a teenager I was either completely apathetic or exploding at my family if they pushed me too hard about something. I’m 21 now and I haven’t been in a serious relationship because although I’m attracted to men the idea of being in a relationship always seems better than the reality. I do want to get close to people but whenever it comes to actually happening I freeze up as soon as they try to get closer to me (initiate sex, even kissing sometimes etc.)

I think I’m completely broken at this point, I can never feel anything or get interested in anything, the only things I seem to feel anymore are either sadness or emptiness. Deep down I know I want to go back to being as outgoing as I used to be but it’s like everyone else instinctively knows how to communicate with each other and I’m just constantly awkward, it’s no surprise no one likes me. 

The one time I’ve tried to tell a parent about how I felt it was my mum and she just got extremely angry and told me to stop being so ungrateful when I have things good, so I don’t see much point in trying to reach out to family. Out of the friends that I have I don’t know how many I’d consider real friends, I always feel like I’m the edge of social circles, they talk about their own problems but if I bring mine up it suddenly gets very quiet.

In my first year of university I tried to get help, and got eight sessions with the university psychologist(?) which was basically just us talking about pretty mundane things. I was too scared to tell him about any of the sexual things I experienced when I was younger, so I guess he just thought i was being some typical gloomy uni student, he told me that I seem fine and gave me examples of his other clients who have been through worse things than me like wars who were able to find the positives and build their lives again. There was a questionnaire before each session about how the last week had been and I lied on it to make it look like I was progressively feeling better when really everything was getting worse, but I didn’t see the point in being honest with him because he just seemed to deflect anything I said. 

Now I’m stuck in a country I don’t really enjoy being in but I have to stay here until the end of the academic year, even if I was at home I would have no one to talk to, my feelings towards my family are complicated, I love them but my parents aren’t welcome to the idea of me having any sort of mental illness (and I’ve never been diagnosed so honestly I think there’s just something wrong with me as a person), this is despite the fact that multiple people in my family are mentally ill, there just seems to be a different standard with me. 

Honestly the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because in the past year and a half three of my family members have died (one of them a child and I wish beyond anything that I could have died instead, they would have at least grown up not to be such a fuck up) and I don’t want my family to have to spend so much money on a funeral.

I don’t know where I’m going with this and I don’t really know what I’m asking, I guess mainly I want to know if anyone thinks there’s any chance for me to ever be a normal person, when I get back home should I go back to the GP? I want to but I’m scared, I don’t want to open myself up face to face with a stranger again just for them to tell me that I’m fine again, I know I’m not.

(Sorry for any typos I’m typing this out very fast on a phone)",4.1584425651867525,5.132270228329812,5.554545454545455,80.76848484848487,70.81818181818181,9.031430584918956,27.86398872445384,9.339509955726095,2.286332487667372,3700,128,748,78,66,1247,343,946,0.141,0.728,0.131,-0.961,8,0,2,0,0,0,66.0,1,0,10,6,71,46,4,3,45,0,76,10,3,9,11,147,163,64,5,20,40,3,9,5,2,3,3,2,3,7,40,34,0,1,31,0,2,8,24,14,0,10,36,16,104,32,125,110,16,112,0,2,3,4,54,51,1,20,55,529,144,5,0.04378648185608005,0.0,0.08545858003118198,0.0,0.0,0.042787643304064406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072867721132373,0.0,0.0,0.1191052366583052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684884844514985,0.06123305240036829,0.0,0.14413017487004035,0.038979252125151805,0.04093444979486709,0.0,0.0,0.16834550884550314,0.03655988338725786,0.1334591646401764,0.0,0.07451814206549726,0.0,0.0,0.07745116986199488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046320291923431116,0.03771817699894425,0.2295464657671041,0.04731763145376165,0.0,0.034959942823623934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444235738571905,0.09088691034532864,0.18299021624801512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03657798703212175,0.0,0.07756365281624265,0.0,0.04883350170328425,0.08676167491738587,0.039607379662219805,0.0,0.04183985984194105,0.11805739957078815,0.0,0.28894598737775257,0.0,0.11069880431503687,0.03128107138693635,0.042041889219138234,0.0,0.08004010231490913,0.07448951819689413,0.0,0.0480096173030907,0.06765865452988587,0.04047989690997733,0.1830130363952771,0.0,0.07465460009604194,0.03672602354531924,0.07004009902309699,0.0,0.09647149259217233,0.0,0.03872024129825458,0.0,0.03922408720151643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029349155808705688,0.0,0.13176423429947134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885921661324996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844325466674199,0.0,0.16844733718871546,0.03569182681658878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695931647125717,0.0,0.03866426568445401,0.0,0.03676961685185523,0.0,0.047798117377272936,0.0,0.0395190094135016,0.0,0.05845563329307458,0.04439262004198345,0.04398940632760415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825295004097201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034949952070118945,0.0,0.06437620460278652,0.0,0.06754166831678309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042901455468585814,0.08402862053770986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835426654368564,0.06660318509197719,0.0,0.0,0.09723941264081656,0.04741649288862712,0.08359830295064606,0.09106809986034294,0.15293066813356554,0.0,0.0,0.1655695135827352,0.0,0.04193534591660253,0.04454659357201122,0.0,0.04189774964272599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049838602433052485,0.1402537074697589,0.045019795976305337,0.0,0.09402058976008597,0.09920309655685676,0.0,0.0416509712485845,0.0,0.08767581390291188,0.0,0.06978431396875823,0.19930784288263315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03622063026836793,0.0,0.0,0.04463480409058957,0.0,0.06741794589352867,0.0866119003462103,0.049015381585812014,0.0619845944510375,0.04667056368178902,0.0,0.036607459460553375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507296383051173,0.0,0.0,0.10558174654038968,0.15308526043809909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362855039608924,0.11222643821091807,0.0,0.034761575596242364,0.07659674907551937,0.0,0.0,0.0836797196838821,0.0,0.11891258784049001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266974638555156,0.07563492333489426,0.0,0.07225686644522789,0.18078481027139584,0.034755671204388314,0.035122874585076874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050352293205719205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924433159028787,0.062209320830042485,0.04787364419254583,0.0,0.08459117615735
suicidewatch,pumpkinwafflemeow,2019/03/26,"To my jelly bean I’m sorry I didn’t save you It’s been three years today that I lost you at the hands of a man whose name I will curse until my dying day.  He was not your father ,the man that sired you left a week before I knew you existed . for the  5  to 6 months that followed I would feverishly hope he would walk through the door and come back to me like he promised he would and make everything ok .  I did everything in my power to make sure you were healthy  and that you were loved .  I softy read the hobbit to you every night and the fae touched poetry of W.b Yates every morning  . Your nursery was a light grey with rainbows  I wanted your first years to be full of love and whimsy the things I never had at your age.  Your name was going to be winter I loved the snow. I loved you beyond  measure but I failed to protect you .   If you had a chance to draw breath would you of liked the things I had planned?  The animated don bluth films  I would of shown you  , the way  the sunlight filters through the trees on a summer day causing the lawn to look magical and the names of the stars and planets in the  in the vast dark sky . Would you have had your fathers sorrowful grey eyes ? My small nose? You even had books already  I knew you would of loved Clifford.  That day all I asked that man was what he wanted for lunch he snapped and I bled in the tub for eight hours  in a locked bathroom  until you arrived . Perfect  tiny and fragile as glass my son . I buried you in the garden  hot blood  still trickling down my legs  the man wanted you thrown away I needed you give peace . The air was heavy with humidity and wild mint . I didn’t name you winter and   I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. I named you after your father and placed a single dandelion on your grave .  ",3.0728869876641447,4.477387334261838,3.4783237166732985,92.9610828690808,73.98607242339833,6.242777556705134,22.570732192598484,6.5431188927421005,0.3214169518503782,1379,35,302,10,28,428,184,359,0.055,0.8029999999999999,0.142,0.982,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,30,0,6,5,17,0,0,29,1,28,12,6,3,4,46,51,18,2,14,3,4,4,2,0,8,0,0,3,4,11,15,1,2,2,4,0,4,5,4,0,3,19,11,59,13,41,21,3,46,0,4,4,5,57,20,0,2,23,194,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488637610756072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732744262764677,0.0,0.09781341177773274,0.08005305035680353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858870991235297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694816106638597,0.0,0.08968029926579085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014242103303723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804824049874308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876271681608769,0.0,0.17543189068280038,0.0,0.18713210740709413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855468126480534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998704096849433,0.059167289362618426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340328295112923,0.10252595278521004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311424651557846,0.0,0.0,0.10172435969718543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742496338715264,0.0,0.1136467828457144,0.0,0.4698101648695309,0.0,0.13898653393670088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309845306312245,0.0,0.0,0.07719517225574088,0.08029493349757379,0.0,0.0,0.09769882367488966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877127860854148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413672539086903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330820012518417,0.0,0.0,0.08314122422000085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812107831607113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383301920533404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868273433345223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842177642319148,0.08263652283301541,0.08350960079413962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176900989304408,0.0,0.0,0.13408498848797706
suicidewatch,mr_eeeer,2019/03/26,"Will i be forced to stay overnight So currently im just sitting in the waiting room of a&e because my therapist asked if i was suicidal and i stupidly said yes. I was sent to a&e to wait to see another therapist and idk if they will keep me here overnight. I wanna go home, what will they do? I am legally a kid so can they force me to stay?",1.6370238095238072,3.69875452777778,3.1714285714285717,90.64500000000002,80.1111111111111,6.8920634920634924,29.73015873015873,7.957251820313856,2.03088253968254,274,14,59,5,7,90,49,72,0.165,0.78,0.055,-0.8466,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,9,17,6,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,12,0,8,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,2,1,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518507104410253,0.0,0.0,0.21864561614442804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493289422439397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710849347896536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850358591042615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915702768672104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252314229113531,0.0,0.0,0.18533725315746047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834502267480547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615904649461793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444973902991512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280810011384469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4842027720445561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shnuca,2019/03/26,"I need help for a friend of mine Hello guys I don't know what to do anymore.
This is why I'm giving you guys a try to help me out a bit.

It's about a friend of mine who, in my opinion, needs professional help.
First let me tell you something about his past:

He smoked some weed in the past when he all of a sudden got a panic attack. He was about 15-16 years old when this happened.
After that he had a pretty traumatized week. He said that while his panic attack endured he couldn't really tell the difference between reality and ficiton. He just wasn't sure what is real and what is not. 
Anyway, he told me that this week was marked by the constant feeling of delusion thoughts and the thought that he damaged his brain too hard and there's no turning back.

After this week or two it all of a sudden disappeared and he never touched weed again for quite a while. 

He looked for professional help but he didn't like the therapy so he just took the antidepressants and he felt better, even great after some time. 

Let's get to the nowadays. 
Today he has a child, has a wife and an apartment. While everything went pretty okay, I guess, the fear came. The fear of getting sick and when I mean sick I'm also talking about his psychic medical condition not only his body. His mind is playing so hard with him. I guess he's kind of hypochondriac when it comes to his psychic health. 

He still takes some meds and he is doing okay but then there are times where he googles every tiny symptom and you know what disease you have diagnosed over the internet. Mostly a deadly one. He gets so stuck in his loop of thoughts that even tho friends are over he can't turn this movie inside of his head off. It's a constant feeling of stress I believe and this damn internet isn't helping him at all. 
First he had schizophrenia, then he had hypochondriac diseases, now it's a kind of PTSD and some general fear of like everything. 

It's not like I don't believe him but all this is going to kill this man one day. No one can live this way and his friends and his family see the rough times he's going through but they do not help him in a way I personally would approve. They tell him things like: ""C'mon it's going to be better just chill or do something about it"" 

They are right but you can't tell a maybe depressed person what he can do better because right when you're stuck in this situation you simply can't. They refuse to believe a word you tell them. These people are also making fun of it on a very very decent and human way but it still is some kind of not taking this shit serious and this shit in my opinion is damn serious.

I just don't know what to do anymore because he is googling himself to death one day and I do not know any methods or anything I can do for him anymore. I kind of know how to atleast talk to depressive persons because of my family and my own history but sometimes you're just out of ideas.

So his diagnosis for himself: generalized anxiety disorder

He also often talks about killing himself in a joking way but I guess this is serious.

Do you guys / girls have anything for me to tell him or anything that I possibly can do to help him out? 
Do you have experience in this kind of stuff, personally or because of friends/family, if so what helped you/these people and what didn't?
He's important to me so please I would appreciate a lot of answer's. Thanks guys!",3.4698035997592847,5.098055465288041,4.219385360249468,87.14151745172056,73.37223042836041,7.260014223972868,26.42182285683024,7.921354282810032,1.466081809727009,2678,94,547,38,54,856,264,677,0.162,0.723,0.115,-0.9882,0,0,4,0,0,0,54.0,0,9,5,7,40,44,8,6,32,2,55,11,5,2,6,96,99,54,4,6,25,1,7,4,4,2,6,1,0,12,42,25,0,1,14,2,0,8,20,20,0,7,20,10,63,24,69,73,13,70,0,3,2,0,105,20,4,19,42,361,105,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265536091744482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034767158158681234,0.0,0.03911094067381105,0.0,0.15210855884301608,0.0,0.0,0.12621602691208775,0.0,0.0,0.11632549138200195,0.0,0.03931242719831937,0.0,0.12466275411434835,0.0,0.0,0.17280311611664734,0.0,0.1356493038114842,0.0558159089488082,0.056789011237294434,0.0,0.057073072905254076,0.0,0.0584740613175203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044040173613575095,0.0,0.1104972122202594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594355925475576,0.0,0.08806880109800044,0.05189140331777972,0.0,0.05341536584187121,0.05859436183660385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753594739344887,0.0,0.04307551929621743,0.0,0.09189677740099064,0.05001064269967706,0.14458998432451456,0.17259152633222427,0.0517012745444814,0.0,0.04908858931080801,0.0,0.0,0.08697481094790457,0.0,0.0,0.15799803325810136,0.0,0.08013304066187844,0.04904432988507587,0.08716756245599394,0.0,0.04088980918902207,0.05636614960465682,0.1689618224114694,0.2024895102742316,0.045210195317297086,0.0,0.09159698307991633,0.0,0.052469610789056105,0.054344117349821065,0.0,0.0,0.2741472722318353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057714574369161865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312579322111276,0.2661972018354668,0.14048645137600935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045587706699203,0.0,0.09990953416683608,0.0,0.04514483755226055,0.0,0.0429326239681644,0.0,0.0,0.04346515308464815,0.0,0.0,0.03412673203944272,0.0,0.05136253249673258,0.0556907615571841,0.056789011237294434,0.0515036588508918,0.0,0.0,0.051622277256249606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581796260953151,0.039431211096242674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536477122993958,0.0,0.13857610679501056,0.03888331923822636,0.0,0.11996974155190075,0.0,0.0,0.09761033190574804,0.07088810131023665,0.1785635921807881,0.0,0.05612055120717902,0.0,0.057636427242797,0.0,0.10402622135527152,0.0,0.0,0.05976308530806693,0.0,0.0,0.054378364062186234,0.0,0.05819212057547251,0.032752365667559416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732195854180631,0.048632149030241566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074048041577367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495937831522427,0.0,0.05746731149867849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871796248012522,0.050564521296396873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165793332696285,0.0,0.05856419698958412,0.0,0.05852657523558251,0.0,0.0,0.04818526877774757,0.053139069437699235,0.07688017041888326,0.12327845134703605,0.268116143877869,0.04706957946006659,0.05846657417363652,0.0,0.033965573954948675,0.0,0.0,0.12176403629338553,0.08943523775329179,0.0,0.048461086640969285,0.04885269750598786,0.056802417832412265,0.034710923419504484,0.11121993379069896,0.04994227803188096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436794130081675,0.0,0.16232447225012356,0.12302960675256702,0.0,0.0,0.0473939392984138,0.046132897923839886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263631245524806,0.0,0.0,0.032923207328308265
suicidewatch,kittycatttttmeow,2019/03/26,"Ending it all Do you think people who commit suicide are at peace. I really want to end it all but I know my mom and family would be affected. I just don’t want to feel any pain anymore, and before I’m criticized yes I’m on meds yes I’ve talked to therapists. ",-0.2721428571428568,1.920243214285719,2.701428571428572,89.94357142857143,90.07142857142857,6.771428571428572,16.92857142857143,7.957251820313856,0.7206357142857147,204,5,45,5,7,72,42,56,0.189,0.596,0.21600000000000005,-0.0552,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,14,12,3,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551529805768134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413800339880021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710915557910325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311471594201388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294488593938741,0.0,0.12306659962161895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376219457706834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703542831554323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28505844351486165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589868614583343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168737766307443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592351669406315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623197407613275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956297331489844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28259754037187057,0.0,0.1559561350247048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28711849497518604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728991028108994,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mkar1391,2019/03/26,"Tonight It's seven in the morning and I'm laying in bed having all but decided to do it tonight. As to why I'm posting here, I'm not sure, maybe someone out there has some advice to keep me going a couple more days. I'm not going to waste anyone's time with a life story. Suffice to say I'm alone in this and can't think of a single thing i would enjoy anymore.. And i just decided this is dumb so im going to stop there.",1.7692857142857152,2.5753664148936197,4.083313069908815,89.70500000000001,76.34042553191489,6.222492401215807,23.003039513677805,6.18269132825596,0.4147252279635256,329,9,75,2,7,115,63,94,0.13,0.792,0.078,-0.5987,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,2,18,16,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,13,15,4,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,5,47,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311114980087621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494949579925054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345509814814679,0.16537090354955206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616900382955749,0.0,0.1525271818683179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032364283031781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554676969439734,0.0,0.0,0.21021791990673414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705159558441718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760265365966066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265079323352453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807952937325206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003912622994063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773009544135992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22290465777997093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712446626892182,0.15154387019399893,0.0,0.0,0.13790889187052585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341040705911274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800749254835806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,k8dask8,2019/03/26,I’m really starting to wish I was gone I wish I could. I harbor so much guilt over leaving my parents. Part of me wants to push them as far away as possible so this can be fucking over. ,0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,2.765000000000004,93.05,83.0,6.0,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6879999999999997,144,5,33,2,4,49,31,40,0.059,0.794,0.147,0.5498,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,11,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,8,7,2,7,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487853052308653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141869388450085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24480036985368014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803815719853723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465611203982625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29402550396514643,0.2867491244385883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985185996140536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963560721659984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742453421496189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156184010183008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090064916495812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-2019384,2019/03/26,"Classic suicidal venting wanker Throwing a trigger warning: suicide, self harm, drugs and alcohol 

Having some real trouble seeking appropriate advice and have intention to further my problems by necking it. Not the first time and hopefully the last.  Been to hospo a few times because of it in the last 12 months. 

Reverted back to self mutilation to cope but that isn’t working. Tried to calm by smoking up, again, little to no effect. Opted to drinking and Valium (not a regular drinker) and even that won’t settle me. 

Background: have had DV (domestic violence) problems at home with a very hostile younger brother, pressure to achieve at work, my mother recently having some surgery and regularly moves between Melbourne and Hobart. extreme expectations of myself, beginning a course at uni and not being able to see my regular psychiatrist for 2 months because he took on too many patients too quickly. I don’t have a friend or trusted source to express my concern to, but cannot see a future anymore. 

Not even a month ago I was good to go, excited about future, and I’m that was the prospect of an esteem building surgery to help my body confidence. I no longer want to attend training or sport (usually an AFL and netball player), have cancelled any future mental health based appointments, and withdrawn from my course. Id prefer to prepare myself for my end date at this point. 

I hate the fact that colleagues and family are commenting on my poor attitude, my mother telling me to ‘cheer up’ and that I’m overloading her stress levels. 

I hate who I am, what I do and see no purpose in moving forward in life anymore; I’m no longer a reliable or helpful person that can achieve anything, and cannot see a purpose of moving forward to achieve anything.

I don’t expect or want responses, I’m sorry that I am burdening this threat with my whinging. just can’t have it all internalised. I’m sorry for fuckin y’all over because I can’t manage on my own. ",8.013698060941827,8.050224296398895,7.825677285318557,71.10538573407203,62.26869806094183,10.433296398891967,41.04168975069253,10.008157457239328,4.369580498614959,1565,83,255,29,20,501,203,361,0.17,0.735,0.095,-0.9787,0,0,4,0,1,2,42.0,0,1,0,7,9,19,5,2,17,0,25,8,2,3,2,44,42,21,2,8,11,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,14,17,2,0,2,2,1,9,16,12,0,1,5,4,27,7,44,35,5,46,0,0,4,1,16,19,2,7,22,170,41,6,0.10122800004279073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891883007296952,0.0897325142899128,0.10818194664511492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883851128512937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078195053483588,0.0,0.0,0.16660403770126095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783808360136574,0.0,0.18512294778527397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244148782846956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916490213982598,0.11739234228662886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965796197567041,0.0,0.0,0.13372027864851466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954287493790502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610448512404999,0.0,0.0,0.07820850172614892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753020522449439,0.08490524370596082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988338548935172,0.0,0.10760063041079893,0.0,0.0,0.13570198926804133,0.0,0.1015399376695456,0.10054224476308954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502866151212542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150033009784262,0.0,0.1014570495926821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262930368052624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201401496342667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423976715881048,0.3227680318979901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838838509138501,0.0,0.0,0.09569317982160902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372304980185467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521962567826455,0.0,0.0,0.0999504378053367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32266244000302924,0.0,0.2112057621022232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266329167789493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159563320353056,0.0,0.0,0.2214540041551356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847773384211002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805372175792722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246803270870112,0.0687271672486175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114883406630096,0.08352370148909091,0.11941379430456488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739037930162674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deriv3dshit,2019/03/26,Motivation to kill myself Can somebody please help me how to kill myself fast and painless? I'm serious,4.391052631578948,7.389342052631584,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,75.84210526315789,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,3.243400000000001,85,4,13,2,2,28,16,19,0.342,0.35100000000000003,0.307,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26189412792561795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8645566514769555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288977292374423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pythonpsycho1337,2019/03/26,I see no point I see no point in life. Nothing feels meningful and there is literally nothing that makes me feel happy. I don't know what to do..,0.060999999999999936,2.4016641000000014,1.888333333333336,94.8825,91.33333333333334,4.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.028333333333334213,113,4,25,1,4,37,23,30,0.141,0.74,0.119,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,9,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27834367058019904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29300277454064155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512671201524915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441325474848545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372776966248486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282088370099906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5203898365474102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386682904836656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Birthdaydumpster,2019/03/26,"Well, this is probably it Long time lurker, throwaway account

Today I turn 26. I passed my thesis defense about two weeks ago. I got a promotion at my shitty job, and I got divorced from an abusive bitch that got preggo by another dude. Yet I feel I've accomplished nothing. My family is very nice, very sweet, and I have tight knit best buddies. Yet I feel like I'm hated. 

I hate being a pussy about all this, but I've had it with this dumbass brain of mine. If only I could just rip it out of my skull and live like an apeman, maybe I'd find happiness then. I really don't want to live on having this type of suck mind. Makes me feel like a whiner, worst yet, hopeless. 

I've had this planned for a few months now. Wanted to wait 'til I reached this age and these ""successes"" to see if it'd get better. Unfortunately, my tires are still spinning in the ruts. Goddamn mud. 

So, as much as a whore it makes me feel, I need a fucking tow. Help me.",2.012688204815607,3.7719823626943034,3.4500822919841525,90.54803413593416,77.70466321243524,6.613715330691862,22.233770192014628,7.5105763829236425,0.7431081377628774,728,21,159,10,17,239,129,193,0.215,0.632,0.153,-0.9567,1,0,0,0,1,1,30.0,0,0,0,6,10,19,6,0,9,0,11,5,2,2,1,26,32,12,0,6,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,13,6,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,9,1,1,5,7,21,10,19,24,5,19,0,1,1,2,2,4,3,2,17,94,34,5,0.0,0.16055329773901106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011852585711424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420906045627582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220593612872734,0.1198446766002942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127030746329825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819108476030637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774367006774145,0.0,0.2740650642579337,0.19361204695851425,0.0,0.0,0.12385068158527204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527377346613858,0.07079666517468708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32513129361760074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442494166740832,0.0,0.26756965185148346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082729396220343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344695045078619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860520709593085,0.0,0.2393098219276863,0.11991917764593205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090356749825012,0.0,0.13613470744378164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682315240800055,0.0,0.10816016621834162,0.0,0.09961302631222267,0.10047651135084457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002234661470485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305896208049806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460991564180502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868090707662945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798130685774274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082158367545164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901505458597315,0.1557450337748263,0.12844452038449994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739239298098036,0.13237036957588932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236144607423996,0.15985074142162362,0.0,0.10869531224438538,0.0,0.12183680949013287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trashluxe,2019/03/26,"Crying loser Been feeling like I'm a walking corpse for quiete some time, a lot of shit disturbed me letally. School, family, everything I was doing, I was just upset for 24 hours a day. I hate everybody, I hate myself, I hate life, I hate the God or whatever it was who gave me the life, I hate the whole fucking world.  


Living such a life for about 2 years is really depressive. I've lost hope in light, in myself or anything good there is. My mind would be choking by all the regrets, my own thoughts. I can feel depression tearing me apart fromthe  inside and it's finally finished it's job. Suicide is selfish, but I'm so fucked up that I think I do not care anymore about how much I'm gonna hurt my family. I love my family, yet I still feel so distant from them, I can't tell them how much I like them, never did anything my family could be proud of, never threated them well. I'm a piece of shit, there is something wrong with me. 

​

If there is justice I'll fucking burn in hell and someone will engrave a dick on my grave. Cut my wrists or jump under the train, we'll see fams, bye",1.9022619047619043,3.8948191071428617,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,78.91071428571428,6.230952380952381,24.059523809523807,7.2636822038024595,0.9826630952380956,856,30,179,11,21,280,139,224,0.315,0.586,0.099,-0.9949,1,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,4,3,14,32,13,2,11,0,20,11,4,2,3,27,44,11,2,5,7,0,3,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,24,1,0,8,6,32,8,17,29,8,20,1,7,1,5,10,8,7,7,13,114,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108223762039299,0.12136942064274185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905762135345313,0.0,0.0,0.16439126762746112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183791479662137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974887038250203,0.0,0.10971736653736644,0.06441661310556013,0.0,0.17205907449077487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976887541993687,0.0,0.37664520728255135,0.0,0.15151234041811373,0.07135681314034792,0.0,0.10941752385095896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770221394289046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377756525966704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930715301327645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099206881746478,0.09836515614996964,0.0,0.106927383732298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911899034153272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165207151178128,0.0975960940039444,0.0,0.08819898613851672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903467109425394,0.0849174045644435,0.09014878471805016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085389078855243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685177325621473,0.0,0.15407267051859355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398794639968877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108746396730063,0.07959424072149325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050580144942454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463099006457785,0.07689522056203736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976711535695939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925636907287348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730260697036818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400133232143425,0.0,0.07929636499985881,0.0582428890550783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980728818250076,0.0,0.0,0.1115163931837372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095439326785884,0.1092069590820229,0.12136942064274185,0.06432171792452425
suicidewatch,oopsifell35,2019/03/26,"I was gonna snorts bunch of heroin to die I know where to get heroin that I know is fentanyl. I never do heroin or opiates but I was like 30 seconds from buying $800 worth and just doing it all and dying. I decided I’m not going to but this isn’t the first time I’ve had the feeling. 

I’ve been in therapy for 1.5 years, I’ve been seeing a psych from a good hospital for a year. 

I just legit just don’t wanna do it anymore. I have an easy way out. The only thing I worry about is people finding my body. I don’t know where else to go any more, I just don’t care. Sure my friends and family will be sad but they will go on: I cant take decades of this anymore. ",0.08611969111969131,1.6620479594594606,2.645019305019304,94.92797297297301,82.91891891891892,5.3096525096525085,18.679536679536678,6.18269132825596,-0.2504976833976831,510,12,123,4,14,177,92,148,0.11,0.7120000000000001,0.177,0.9021,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,7,0,19,1,1,0,3,23,32,7,2,1,9,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,2,3,7,1,0,2,5,3,15,5,15,23,3,14,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,6,82,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221997395364698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564211602042811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996022323728016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321249414561686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729930633809525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011331536721206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940180867813304,0.0,0.09085991806122916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423928837678473,0.15284969791834702,0.0,0.0,0.1388330218369711,0.0,0.09388397188379156,0.0,0.3063768795693672,0.1507208461143787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962693877054423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779060253267261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859297051476882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366672381314038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457888385368082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319479529146056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936176570029135,0.0,0.13510935748369632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549853695258366,0.0,0.11938232833289668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478243777219763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142634667887049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824904549286071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314372283096646
suicidewatch,PixinaDust,2019/03/26,"Saved a friend from suicide, but now I'm suicidle Few days ago a friend messages me telling me shes about to kill herself - so myself and others speed to her house. Find her half dead, won't go into details. 

Now everyone wants to talk about it, and her, to me specifically. Because of my scars and everyone in my friend group unfortunately knows about my previous attempts. 

I don't want to hear about it, it hurts, all I've done these past few days is scream into my pillows and tried as hard as I can to not entertain suicidal thoughts or self harm. 

I can't talk to anyone about it because they turn it into ""Your being selfish! This isnt the time to be attention seeking."" I spoke to my therapist today about it but she kept making it about ""when will you get a job?"" 

Fuck this right off.",2.4033333333333324,4.592179566878984,3.4486878980891724,88.97948619957536,78.171974522293,6.7344373673036095,24.47940552016985,7.793537801064563,1.2589757112526536,620,22,128,10,15,199,102,157,0.24,0.667,0.093,-0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,1,1,11,11,2,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,1,21,24,11,4,2,4,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,11,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,4,4,22,5,25,16,3,17,0,1,0,1,20,6,1,1,10,88,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776096077977915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866579063477554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894721242803074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20045227371027285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903766299513492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970004774575225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204127770193628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602065012064122,0.14367338651601946,0.08119494095416074,0.0,0.08832268223286756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392162004210173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515756724571765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932145768397753,0.1663688616778574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542197425784238,0.0,0.17193735614759706,0.0,0.08540888275386148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373690939519864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483557544454995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271868649762714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212578539492972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33998508369412955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498242047316897,0.13583457142777114,0.0,0.0,0.1804421665513596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337761871408767,0.09062040811905,0.0,0.14730983758587846,0.0,0.0,0.10551270815005397,0.16904068314028545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332885425015946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1NECKBONE1,2019/03/26,"Don’t want to but don’t see it getting better I’ve been dealing with insomnia for about five years. I Run most of the time on two hours of sleep per day. I guess it was brought on by anxiety and depression. Walked away from a great job because I had a psychological breakdown from anxiety and lack of sleep. I got into another career and things have worked out fairly well in that, But I can see the same thing starting to happen in this job. I just still can’t shake this depression I don’t want to keep doing this if I can’t sleep like a normal person and not be freaked out all the time. I have turned into a drunk and a mean person. I think my personality change has been the hardest thing to deal with. I have a wife that loves me but has to be fed up.  We have a baby on the way, and I can’t even take care of myself. They would be better off without me. If I’m honest with myself, the only reason I haven’t done it yet is because I’m too chicken shit and afraid. I may always be too afraid to do it, and I suppose that’s a good thing.  

Thanks for reading. ",2.9549833333333337,3.7591959955555545,4.2641527777777775,89.53756250000002,73.48888888888891,7.047222222222223,23.395833333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.6425166666666664,829,21,188,8,16,274,124,225,0.112,0.7,0.188,0.9611,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,3,8,17,1,3,14,0,28,8,4,1,1,38,49,13,0,7,8,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,14,16,2,1,3,2,0,4,9,7,1,2,8,2,22,10,32,35,4,25,0,2,2,1,9,12,1,5,9,137,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578194261532587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070438556114114,0.17611987884459626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815099067382072,0.0,0.0,0.14034173541212175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036134351926552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736378871524154,0.0,0.12177264429267708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423735830972886,0.2373496880333525,0.1982906357166031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177989728325708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603002297867145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014097832847281,0.0,0.0,0.0965500176221119,0.0920651372260576,0.12691077315299484,0.12680823310903738,0.0,0.10179266957844588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336158469448344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22846069194059454,0.10231634028822048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562376369301495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389257226755444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253901083588899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278477443643985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875474401194566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015326179753056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514259457734215,0.0,0.0,0.11835373599574325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345783433690904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181602428502788,0.0,0.0,0.3455837276816571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147647238697417,0.0,0.0919281477028934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654947993102216,0.0,0.0,0.10597915172779247,0.0,0.0,0.3058997133167053,0.07375876518159004,0.0,0.0,0.1342448171464769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520819575581188,0.11244715423180504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579142395912536,0.09137010608053428,0.0,0.0,0.10349901229212438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096332404810844,0.0,0.08380250204677735,0.0,0.0,0.08177186695679887,0.0,0.0,0.07412799572115435
suicidewatch,whatuwere,2019/03/26,"I turn 23 on Saturday and I don’t want to be alive to turn it I don’t know what is overwhelming me with so much shit in my head tonight. 

It’s like I’ve suppressed so much and now I’m breaking down. It’s so hard to find myself worthy of anything, and anyone. Due to my depression, anxiety and BP I feel like such a shitty person. Broken home, constant broken friendships/relationships and I continuously blame myself. 

I just want a break. I can’t be here any longer. 
I wish I didn’t exist. I bring nothing to anyone or anything. I’m not even looking for sympathy either.. I just, genuinely feel so worthless. 
I don’t want to celebrate the day I was born when all I want is to be dead. ",0.3913475177304981,2.7738704397163123,2.6962056737588647,89.6841666666667,89.28368794326241,5.686524822695036,21.30851063829787,7.1686216300943375,0.8201234042553192,536,19,112,9,18,182,85,141,0.211,0.624,0.165,-0.8953,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,1,1,3,0,11,2,2,0,1,22,25,11,1,5,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,4,19,2,13,20,4,15,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,1,11,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777664865696792,0.0,0.1324915743000631,0.0,0.0,0.24220005437515754,0.0,0.2850448803562729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715926222446166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169465410560192,0.0,0.14917020535901387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439182793672728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751423806153789,0.12372855661828155,0.0,0.0,0.15829455149575042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514621075734686,0.0,0.1777451837410952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372591795342773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518191477864564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922594089144158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543784527748746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546324189967604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661826061702291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122476622346187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594362896843145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777793250553505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37676680406067603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086130345948472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991625057754873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mattiemx,2019/03/26,"I attempted suicide in October and I feel like I've gotten nowhere. I was really convinced of all this  ""the universe gave me a second chance"" bs but now I just don't know. Being alive doesn't feel better. If anything, everything is worst.",1.2076708074534146,3.855302065217391,2.877204968944098,86.13891304347828,93.56521739130434,6.106832298136648,23.962732919254645,7.447530270364453,1.7450472049689445,189,8,34,4,7,62,40,46,0.319,0.617,0.065,-0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,10,3,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,5,3,2,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33742684478208584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626458358879946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685162701127016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41465569074459546,0.29293167038795154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253465008312611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032415673948895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626812381137141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485156957625209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SemenStrut,2019/03/26,"Put an ad offering my guitar for a solid handgun Hey guys. First time poster here, long time struggler with life. 24, failed boot camp (and thus am not enrolled in school this semester), got diagnosed bipolar and BPD, dumped my gf manically and got a DWI an hour later last Tuesday. She took me back but did so cautiously, and still is. BPD makes such a mess of everything because I can’t believe I’m loved, even though her ass was at the jail an hour after the arrest (and 2 hours after we broke up) trying to bail me out with a credit card. I’ve long casually considered suicide, and like it as an escape option. 

I owned a sick modded NiB glock 19 before I shipped for basic. Sold it cause I couldn’t take it with me. But not having a gun makes me feel naked/vulnerable. 

Does anyone else feel the same way? Odds are I won’t kill myself, or at least not for a few years. But not having the ability to (and to defend myself but yolo) stresses me hardcore. I just listed the love of my life (my custom fender) on armslist looking for a trade for a good new handgun. Idk why I’m posting this at 4am, just lonely and thought someone might sympathize with this weird fear of NOT having a gun lol. 

I pray you all are having an alright night. 
",4.6901670040485826,5.2544985708502026,5.383661437246964,83.96026948380569,69.36437246963563,7.956376518218622,27.17839068825911,7.8658589789855275,1.5091054655870442,965,29,195,11,16,313,162,247,0.203,0.6659999999999999,0.131,-0.9716,0,2,0,4,0,2,33.0,1,1,0,2,9,16,2,2,20,2,14,8,1,4,1,38,29,16,2,1,12,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,6,14,0,0,3,2,3,2,8,9,0,1,7,3,22,7,25,19,5,29,1,3,1,3,10,7,1,3,19,120,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919922613999594,0.1307095381995836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809270336536352,0.0,0.07776489161022092,0.0,0.10855184161279302,0.1437266026535702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32133743427527844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104852584876586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294798717765515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163651061202544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656754837864144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425813573840576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465081105719148,0.0,0.0,0.14355061577581735,0.129005460841142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851014473784652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069988429785363,0.20405720070199734,0.0,0.0,0.12631338791246827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768893688242632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411362216511076,0.0,0.0,0.10398577914248563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021154546230864,0.06232378027028866,0.0,0.0,0.2257891397838957,0.10712584919676203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027204552568445,0.0,0.170306625224983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533057251884242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232069561458088,0.0,0.11971488515642086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217585950856458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824210166603014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910666060312095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808881815759062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187678556277026,0.0,0.1461298834119197,0.0,0.0,0.13953980451209716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591602820062596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533591617295986,0.1012755536770575,0.14877304493881874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417338770450799,0.0866109919224948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125835162151517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511120004366665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215026749684308
suicidewatch,Trowawei11337,2019/03/26,"In my car. Drunk and wondering if it’s worth it anymore. Before I get yelled at for being stupid for drinking and driving, I haven’t. I got some booze and drove to a park a 5 min walk from my house so I don’t hurt anyone else. 

I’m really contemplating going home and downing all of my antidepressants and my partners as well. Because fuck it. 

My relationship is going down the fucking drain. I love my job and it’s the one thing keeping me going. I have no real friends here. All of them are across the country. 

My depression has been spiraling but I can’t pay attention to that cuz my partner lost their only parent a while ago and literally they have no one else and don’t know how to self regulate their emotions. 

Fuck. I don’t either. But god damn. I don’t have anyone to lean on. I don’t have anyone here. I moved here to be closer to my dad and younger siblings but they all fucking left state / I had to cut them off because they were toxic and leeching off of me.

And right now I’m a piece of shit in my partners eyes because I got upset and left to take a drive. So I decided to just get drunk and ignore their texts. 

Fuck. ",0.9237179487179468,3.199873594017096,2.6952136752136755,91.7692307692308,84.42735042735043,5.48034188034188,21.39316239316239,6.8449194561589275,0.4916803418803419,887,29,190,11,26,293,129,234,0.204,0.753,0.043,-0.9895,2,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,8,1,9,17,9,1,8,0,19,12,2,2,3,32,40,23,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,6,13,4,2,4,3,2,9,9,14,1,2,7,2,34,3,26,31,6,27,0,3,1,6,17,13,7,3,4,131,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049393817011178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740411997036093,0.24832842664705634,0.12129736760242922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164955237575328,0.0,0.10073520890206597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101963099595466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159702656205969,0.0,0.0,0.19778760246916566,0.1331649347676532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146240780010634,0.5472158535536954,0.123700456976474,0.0,0.20183935153844865,0.0,0.18936339020400356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187477957274846,0.0,0.0,0.1365980811151681,0.12673144394442815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747685513137646,0.10522424477938057,0.0,0.0,0.06506019773120704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572469395664538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129229022776574,0.0,0.10684527441311566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582238804702453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604387615424505,0.09003560177179679,0.0,0.0,0.13145030558165574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134745764945879,0.07583917757282391,0.0,0.0,0.12709903237057452,0.0,0.10109843037106477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349928151524114,0.0,0.1215184425268211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900927883205817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786484011774342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644052917815744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838130753004573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MartBart115,2019/03/26,"Dark Thoughts This is my first time posting, I feel bad and I don’t know who to tell. I have had a really rough time finding confidence in or being happy in general. I have had a really rough year and I don’t feel good about myself. Sometimes I feel like all of my problems would go away if I just ended it. 

Last year I got depressed and I felt like I wasn’t smart enough or good enough to purse my goals i set for myself, my grades tanked and obviously that made more depressed. I failed out of school and currently i feel like I can’t salvage them and pursue the goals I set for myself. I feel like a disappointment and a complete fuck up. It keeps me up at night, I don’t sleep cause all I think about is how much of a fuck up I am.  I talk to my girlfriend about it, she is super supportive but I feel like my problems aren’t that big a deal and I’m being dramatic (People in this world have bigger problems than me and everyone feels pressure in college) I don’t think my problem is that big a deal, so I don’t like taking about it, but it is all I think about and it kills my drive to do anything. I feel so depressed and I just want to kill myself. I feel like I but a fake smile and try to stay positive, but it’s hard to do. I in such a deep hole that I can’t get out, I don’t know what to do or where to go.

  I know some people here are actually dealing with real problems and mine problem is much smaller and not as important. I just wanted to say something to vent and clear my mind ( due to not sleeping haha) 

Thanks for reading my story, or at least the short and sweet version. ",1.489277942631059,3.165478308605344,3.0770534124629094,93.00942779426313,78.97032640949554,6.036360039564787,21.915825914935702,6.88968998030894,0.3988513155291789,1238,36,282,13,30,408,153,337,0.181,0.684,0.135,-0.9654,2,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,5,14,34,4,1,11,1,29,4,2,3,5,73,60,29,2,10,14,0,13,7,1,1,0,1,0,0,15,19,0,1,18,1,0,3,12,18,0,1,7,15,52,16,39,50,11,37,0,5,0,2,10,20,2,6,17,193,67,7,0.0,0.0,0.07678018197311576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474681097147196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392230720675164,0.0,0.0656943866459122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082587728880661,0.0,0.0,0.08249432371309237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24334640549633774,0.20330051345354416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069686991938758,0.16259463092898369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518196654383286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580460570616658,0.281044495769371,0.07554499275698677,0.0,0.0719119556941289,0.06692503854101478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454765033477956,0.041106973204898346,0.0,0.08943114162693873,0.13198584717553932,0.06292746201079204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375616127415941,0.07048168953808766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993426405003983,0.17409518891258344,0.0,0.12972116046511062,0.06413457740418102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690729963250355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444877460547522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794442174072398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156774826433333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383570745742632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909339981500116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535354529428089,0.0,0.0,0.4517159317169226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870113991465341,0.08955489226943136,0.10080865072181604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256937313161419,0.0,0.07962820672334736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747333935130664,0.0,0.0,0.060571590963365673,0.07781638154054192,0.0,0.0,0.08386224931348388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928495914648256,0.0,0.0,0.059157453890936074,0.0632398815071394,0.06876965513322547,0.072437833095404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124460899452435,0.0,0.06246301071180563,0.09175770422617326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341845213175523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928148257857664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589190660565368,0.0,0.0,0.1013344850228242
suicidewatch,moonshadow1830,2019/03/26,"i'm too tired to do anything but the urge is strong i want to cut, or bash my head into a wall. everything hurts so much and all i really want to do is kill myself but i'd make my family sad so i can't. i'm so tired and i have an early morning tomorrow but i can't sleep. i just want to die. sorry i shouldn't even be here i'm not at active risk right now, but i just wanted to tell someone i guess. 

guess i'll try sleeping again idk",-2.080071428571429,-0.2455223499999981,1.119714285714288,99.75700000000002,97.5,4.457142857142856,13.142857142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.9407142857142858,335,6,86,4,14,118,64,100,0.307,0.595,0.098,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,2,1,3,0,9,5,3,1,1,20,19,10,2,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,12,1,7,17,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470050695548886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249311102890825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613999503040165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803274674571713,0.0,0.16576535123400965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874129452053196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046153408604435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882392764140104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194539790579509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737389175499127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926189051380665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264696010567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016553735461596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519319591840241,0.0,0.14898780626524796,0.0,0.0,0.1968373540233045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369102835530174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042021058725831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938313236227588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148575703629114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vaders_Fist_501,2019/03/26,"I now know Suicide won't upset my parents I can clean to them about my suicidal thoughts, and they told me ""we've done so much for you, how are you suicidal, we think you aren't suicidal you're just ungrateful, and being selfish"" 
I hate my fucking life, and I want to die. ",3.4848214285714287,4.450252125000002,4.620000000000001,86.875,72.39285714285714,8.457142857142857,30.07142857142857,8.841846274778883,2.2463357142857143,213,9,46,4,4,70,40,56,0.422,0.4920000000000001,0.086,-0.9822,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,3,2,0,5,4,2,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,10,13,5,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,14,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,0,1,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962264964650625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348591691220984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479367089784725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666908632963602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390882059543242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354688043687027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898939942975078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994166473839934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8272546818931237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211494630921467,0.0,0.15010175095486994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066604042713694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151934325815037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bakaoneechan,2019/03/26,"Planning a suicide is a lot easier than I thought I’ve been feeling suicidal for a while now, in one of my worst moments I’ve planned two ways to do it: an overdose or slitting my wrists. 

So I went out to buy razor blades and enough painkillers for an overdose. I dressed up nicely and even did my makeup. I realized that people don’t really question what you buy if you smile nicely at them. 

I’m thinking about going through with it before the month ends. I don’t know, I’m really tired of being sad all the time and worrying about every damn thing.

I can’t explain it but I sort of feel relieved at the idea of dying? I might not do it though, part of me is still a coward.",2.7979935064935044,4.17591600714286,4.039350649350652,88.7711038961039,74.64285714285714,6.8051948051948035,26.298701298701296,7.348242739294969,1.2264999999999993,531,19,112,6,11,174,95,140,0.14300000000000002,0.773,0.085,-0.8396,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,1,2,7,6,1,0,9,0,11,2,1,0,1,22,21,9,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,9,0,2,2,4,3,0,2,4,2,15,3,19,15,5,15,0,1,0,0,5,5,1,6,7,81,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601736038355326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953575809591825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671980076081278,0.19449644559978102,0.0,0.12432704091584405,0.0,0.15859559410079568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035392924143807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697794307837494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249371707877596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344869932211012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003014911411945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968694392849692,0.0,0.0,0.15024689617273884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755249585151207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038395036885876,0.0,0.13049802678712694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21086559898040705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24117554360902255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032422894284247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117957472694643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505456622162245,0.12061299809426833,0.18493933483930194,0.14943708159974206,0.10976098796387393,0.216347743694738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387764987220492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941169911715438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449516761760836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911611626223823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SakuraCrimsonBlood,2019/03/26,"""It Gets Better Once You Tell Someone"" It Just Got Worse My parents mocked me for my mental health issues and me want to commit suicide 

I just cant take my parents abuse anymore.. i wanted something to change but nothing changed and it just got worse",2.995000000000001,5.616566833333334,2.904,91.34100000000001,78.58333333333334,3.84,26.266666666666666,3.1291,0.4392866666666668,200,8,36,0,5,60,35,48,0.24,0.674,0.086,-0.8591,2,0,1,0,1,2,4.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,7,3,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,21,11,0,0.0,0.2160288770113459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808203926361032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125430786127531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857577168868717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525885976317608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916487306939121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380614828121398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030307183472875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837437497836409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749486427318007,0.0,0.0,0.1941733798002392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049073554388259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544859309518001,0.14036500961652312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943724959092515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708797230226938,0.0,0.15936271692018653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508356816736848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716156372273383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rationalityroxx,2019/03/26,"Why does everything feel so utterly pointless? Everything I do feels pointless, there's nothing that makes me want to leave the bed in the mornings. Sometimes I feel like I'm a ghost, watching my friends go through life and not being able to interact.",7.022101449275365,8.21762889130435,6.037826086956525,79.08471014492756,64.43478260869566,9.611594202898553,41.42028985507246,9.725611199111238,4.2667768115942035,203,12,35,4,3,61,39,46,0.075,0.7759999999999999,0.149,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,9,2,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.26637565552131576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331071312205689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788025263622756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040626053734793,0.19029882152880065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058011706823853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138742366215416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820533575887205,0.0,0.0,0.1881490031587334,0.13013769013363555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778078185013422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25559462566386004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26345233451845634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571152631817278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24036259702518584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheRayGunGuy,2019/03/26,"I don't really wannt to die But it's definitely seems like it'a my only option left. My life has fallen apart, I'm a burden to everyone I've ever meet. My family has started to hate me lately and it's understandable, I only hurt people, even if I don't want to. I don't really have any friends and with the few online ones, we started to grow apart. 
I feel lonely every single day, especially in school. I don't know why but I'm somehow unable to talk to anyone! For the past years, I only have trouble with my school, the teachers hate me (and once again that's understandable, I hate myself) I already have over 40 skipped days, now I'm in pretty deep legal problems and my family is already pretty poor. I just can't help myself,  I feel like I don't have control over myself, especially in the morning. I don't have any motivation to do or change anything,  I kinda already accepted that I've lost. 
I also don't experience any joy lately, all my life feels like suffering for nothing. My life is going nowhere and it can only get worse from here. I suck at everything, 
I just don't know anything anymore. ",3.642384737678853,5.082105972972975,5.502040275569687,78.87488871224167,72.60360360360359,7.9262321144674095,26.121886592474823,8.4952907291091,1.8797416004239536,874,29,165,15,17,301,116,222,0.246,0.652,0.102,-0.9883,0,2,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,0,3,9,17,4,0,5,0,20,3,0,2,2,32,41,10,1,3,6,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,10,0,1,3,9,11,0,1,1,3,30,6,19,40,3,24,0,4,0,0,5,10,1,6,14,101,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33297223775117524,0.0804324959939328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051902468478857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997467290322385,0.0703267434737932,0.0,0.16553487761223085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639859226455163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280720811213155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972947189370124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438448155726963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643107293727894,0.09097890501886242,0.08474162500475306,0.09610695448740858,0.09039336468711884,0.09838495737589106,0.1896326951868318,0.0,0.15256635641189906,0.14370643283503884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770660867588339,0.0,0.052548053536414986,0.0,0.057161012495504024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979009891677533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741556955990713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767123847255508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055049712934903,0.0,0.2269135922593371,0.0,0.10927870666628027,0.0,0.21312445764135712,0.1474125515564426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979318546274246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650767043873007,0.0,0.0,0.10711269463498156,0.06815451484105843,0.30597756792361863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601344659439473,0.0697283862931691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046487467772432,0.0,0.09623992846175602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886617432665945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358138503900214,0.0,0.09156278179356428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237979334373346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084109385795676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094112861400872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932373578143073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075634606656696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249796422369052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476918061471243
suicidewatch,mitcheda,2019/03/26,"I just miss my loved ones Like the title says, I just want to see them again so badly it hurts. Every now and then I consider suicide just to be with them again... idk. I just feel so lonely at times.",-0.8842857142857135,1.2519024761904802,0.9066666666666664,101.03000000000004,95.66666666666666,3.752380952380953,11.761904761904766,5.46131890053228,-1.429123809523809,152,2,36,1,6,49,32,42,0.33,0.529,0.141,-0.8859,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,9,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,4,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,7,2,4,5,0,6,0,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,6,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054350467036182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082096695566966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496390761345904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916058587326495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871568941148006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33015670094014826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788149267590034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29090581981801417,0.0,0.0,0.29150223170099543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001354259252331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330603805463733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157634928647876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Twisted_Fandango,2019/03/26,Failed twice I've failed at taking my life twice. The first time it was February 28 I tried suffocation I got really close but ended up ripping the bag and passing out then today I tried again but I ended up doing the same thing I feel like I need to use drugs or drink in order to have self-suffocation work properly but I dunno are there any better methods out there? ,3.5130180180180197,5.240173905405406,4.6875675675675685,83.42207207207208,73.45945945945945,7.636036036036036,21.792792792792795,8.344100000000001,1.1584846846846846,295,7,58,5,6,97,54,74,0.059,0.843,0.098,0.5859,0,0,3,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,13,9,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,8,2,8,7,1,16,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,2,8,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509149720168206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470978021262213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23782156032271298,0.2815353961946951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43004320989179823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275148838491387,0.1734344871555038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064995029603458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416484339894655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147518628598338,0.11860485191976375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001041248266764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552427553254625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25326139999348457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253235397677575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128518275620926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156077253414678,0.0,0.2301169774378109,0.0,0.0,0.32964893422835284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967478986527727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673899346284824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lavanderblood,2019/03/26,I don’t get it I seriously don’t get it. Why do mental hospitals cost so much? It’s a main reason I actually don’t want to go to a mental hospital. I have gone before and wow it’s fucking expensive. ,-1.0642424242424229,1.0113113636363664,3.629090909090909,82.10530303030306,94.45454545454544,7.4787878787878785,20.96969696969697,8.344100000000001,1.791815151515152,156,6,34,5,6,61,28,44,0.046,0.815,0.139,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,3,11,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,10,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2973859404859279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931448607414204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817306865841805,0.31843206340273944,0.0,0.17319289612239855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6142200476304611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240217207415423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31332733031634913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797457595698481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27498383479459365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Luna402,2019/03/26,"A while ago I set a date, but I’m realizing it’s too far away. I had given myself some time to get better, some opportunity for things to change, but they’re only getting worse by the day. Countless diagnosis have been thrust upon me over the years. I never went in to the psychiatrist and said “these meds are helping.” I only ever walked out with new ones and a new title. The diagnoses have proven accurate.

At this point, it’s completely up to me to get better with help. But my brain has been so thoroughly trained to completely despise myself and convince myself that I’m awful and I don’t deserve to ever feel better. I feel obligated to kill myself, which is fine because I don’t want to be alive anyway.

I’m struggling to find meaning in my life. Every day is the same. No matter what hobby I pick up, what I do during the day, who I talk to, I am left with me at the end of it all. I am left with my crippling anxiety, and the borderline personality disorder that makes me suffer day in and day out, and everything else like the bipolar 2 and eating disorders and rape that isn’t even worth diving into at this point.

I don’t know why I’m posting here. I’m at war with my mind and I’m waving the white flag. I’m not asking for help. I never do and there’s nothing that can be done. It’s not worth it anyway. I’m not worth it. And that’s okay with me.",2.488200740055504,3.9918693156028415,4.422944804193649,85.19021739130437,75.70212765957447,7.173851372186247,22.899167437557807,7.893859768569023,1.0552301572617941,1065,30,224,16,23,364,147,282,0.15,0.691,0.159,-0.7218,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,4,9,14,4,1,13,2,21,6,1,2,5,46,42,17,2,1,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,19,21,1,0,6,0,3,2,10,6,0,1,7,4,27,8,36,33,4,41,0,1,1,1,8,20,0,2,18,152,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673321014705784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348074216786833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020176524048597,0.0,0.1025270404098711,0.0,0.0,0.0665219185147651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28953802597542866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182019664696565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154403556030884,0.0,0.22883211253841154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518847394703556,0.0,0.0,0.11076012968415072,0.0,0.0,0.2501346543294824,0.0,0.0,0.11167331868712896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166267432946242,0.09116038899783577,0.0,0.09665284145642628,0.0,0.0,0.07207639236340888,0.1974206034915032,0.09194297703308514,0.0,0.09807500213625714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035430740452863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973876987880886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104077762826508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194336548315388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073124570423527,0.0,0.059972544885643714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713044484713405,0.0,0.07707859867374878,0.053313228461149914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728421477298885,0.0,0.0,0.11886970823487746,0.121213878352029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101856908451408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832869320867036,0.21078826003549667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047089022209218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394629253782924,0.16598978659343974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528421550721188,0.0,0.0,0.20631782239861932,0.0,0.10451210568693074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103803381466134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408171187138813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771097834735532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249816222945989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363198204029152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436507296341043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011604722036198,0.09846882971074797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120825178922612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027327225995765
suicidewatch,Janiebby,2019/03/26,"Every morning I wish I didn't wake up. And when I do, I just feel so tired and can't get out of bed. ",-1.0499999999999972,-0.5282333999999995,2.029,102.7795,83.0,5.0,16.5,3.1291,-1.2746,75,1,23,0,2,27,20,25,0.16,0.725,0.115,-0.2596,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,6,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276316470278923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566318589784161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26517323311450103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5833525356836186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5836559251550432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,truesilk,2019/03/26,Tried to overdose yesterday and just woke up Didn’t think I would ,4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,70.53846153846153,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.0155230769230768,54,2,11,1,1,16,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462128457296752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787547393722339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6055530355089204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lovirks,2019/03/26,I tried everything I tried. It doesn't help. I am without options.,-0.423333333333332,0.8907661538461547,1.5307692307692342,91.80589743589745,118.23076923076924,4.810256410256411,27.41025641025641,6.42735559955562,1.81568717948718,52,3,10,1,3,17,10,13,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.3089,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476901612010445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33388830372895617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6763997319865781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801828014051195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itriedsohardimsorry,2019/03/26,"I tried I'm writing here because I have nothing left I suppose, I finished writing my suicide note for my family I really hope they do the few things I requested. I just wanted to say thank you all for being such a supportive group its amazing to see and I guess I'm saying sorry. life is so unfair and cruel and those who are able to fight through everyday I'm proud of you. You have achieved more then I ever could. 

I guess this will be my first post and my last. Thank you again for everything and thank you for taking the time to read this. ",1.8614004914004918,4.044924378378384,3.122031122031121,90.65218673218672,79.990990990991,6.198525798525798,22.703521703521705,7.348242739294969,0.8721099099099097,430,14,89,6,11,139,73,111,0.136,0.701,0.163,0.3265,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,5,1,3,6,9,2,0,3,0,9,1,0,0,2,15,22,7,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,20,7,10,18,3,10,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,3,8,64,26,2,0.1731182669702437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055312887194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822084941414842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659538368241524,0.0,0.0,0.1555875356225611,0.0,0.16320049496834302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725430944738166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814185771874369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719455008824283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111449336804702,0.0,0.0,0.1880935036003826,0.0,0.12227855167647768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611164618342847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579944544852368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316511523189818,0.0,0.1109039947677124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753411887063725,0.0,0.0,0.13795284507770145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379172647191584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936328583372308,0.196452557813553,0.0,0.0,0.1301633919274695,0.0,0.0,0.4781521231605105,0.0,0.0,0.1150120841473456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094665365057373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175359394912999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210963919868386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ftdALIVE,2019/03/26,"Progressive Brain Disease - Father of 3, Love life but dont want to be a burden 48 years old, Worked hard, Loyal husband of 23 years, 3 sons and wife I love deeply.   

I’ve always been an energetic, positive and resilient person.   Have suffered physically in recent years but still feel blessed go be alive.  

I have limited mobility due to the progression of my disease.   Im starting to become a burden go my family.   I can see the demands of my care starting to weigh on my wife.   I can see the pressure and stress of my illness  grinding my sons down.  One of then is acting out and said some pretty hurtful things recently about how my disease dominates everything in our family. (I was riding him a little about his grades that have been dipping).   He apologized in tears but ounched the wall and hurt his hand in frustration.   

When I die they will lose a roughly $6000 a month payment from a private disability policy I have.  That will cause some difficulty on them.  We have some cash in reserve and they’ll end up ok financially.   If I hang around throughout my decline my disease will become extremely costly and end up draining everything we have and more.  

I cherish every day and despite all of my physical troubles I am thankful for life.  I’ve spent most of my life focused on serving others and truly enjoying doing for others.  I actually think it’s the key to happiness.  When you focus on serving others and performing acts of kindness you dont dwell on what you are getting out of life.   But in return you realize that you get true happiness.  At least for me it has been a truth.

But here I am.  Unable to really add much value to the worls.  Unable to so much if a nything for others.... and seeing how Im actually becoming a burden to those I love most.  

I know it will hurt them if I shorten my life.   But I also know that it will allow then to process the inevitible sooner and free them to move forward with their own hopes and dreams.   I want my wife to move on and find a partner that can actively share a vibrant life with her.  She truly deserves it.   She’s 43 and still very youthful and beautiful, but most of all just a damn good human being.   

Thank you for reading my post.   I have what I need to be able to easily end my life.   Any insight or advice that I may be missing is welcome.  

Cheers


PS-  No matter what I’m waiting until Game of Thrones is over.  haha!",3.534811724790032,5.483400327548806,4.813058568329719,81.60897992101899,73.9240780911063,7.591545692196453,28.30641303743256,8.384062270229773,2.1704786806830194,1865,76,346,33,39,617,244,461,0.138,0.5920000000000001,0.27,0.998,0,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,3,6,6,6,13,38,2,3,20,2,36,14,2,4,4,66,64,37,1,7,12,7,4,0,1,7,8,1,0,3,20,25,1,2,7,3,4,9,3,15,0,1,6,8,57,24,57,46,13,55,1,6,3,3,40,23,1,12,24,244,77,3,0.08260888381262835,0.0,0.1612287082527466,0.0,0.0,0.08072444518240812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606229453919121,0.068737208991813,0.0,0.0,0.05617687377191795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353942069366527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27370506576200543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221883473306994,0.0,0.0,0.08422526264047309,0.08486207933990181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327589599669946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573497913675701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363399317907465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195008543266984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696015475040831,0.0,0.14848707623842536,0.0,0.15575260731232474,0.0,0.041769533774899344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550302321862712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631946447231215,0.0,0.09389706478638243,0.06928841239008685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758773858489912,0.07400133385771303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204926119634844,0.0,0.0,0.26530355603697714,0.0,0.1784635405465459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602444029331624,0.09079936426893882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084436837025645,0.0,0.08279580371271839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241821045220526,0.0,0.0,0.22367322872117013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593762292451641,0.17560034005229572,0.1214540694045538,0.061253440613697877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668412725136128,0.0,0.055977917606153976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213089097199929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911647548787858,0.08404293326726058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263123894979307,0.0,0.05292136629173305,0.0,0.16313261350994027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857996574985554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748575497126786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169419862963398,0.0,0.13194312264602087,0.0,0.0946281973010818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211032272220212,0.0,0.0,0.05488167171872962,0.052932437146600314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816098064761042,0.09744971999013076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014025128265114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959223821006244
suicidewatch,zenmindfulness,2019/03/26,"Sandy Hook father who died by suicide was ‘a beautiful human being’ 😢 This is heartbreaking. He never found any relief from all the good he’d done in these 7 years, after his daughter’s death. I hope he’s finally in peace now. ❤️

https://m.newstimes.com/local/article/Untimely-death-reported-at-Newtown-s-Edmond-13714000.php",10.354375,14.803834020833335,6.345666666666666,66.66600000000003,62.95833333333334,7.173333333333334,22.1,8.238735603445708,1.51137,275,6,36,4,5,74,44,48,0.28,0.51,0.21,-0.6546,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,5,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,5,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813987393686802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348178280828744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34331548047111465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675051150316496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678396801546725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281387136851714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332102135470791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587450917793408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669638378835862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603998621906692
suicidewatch,poppeye2233,2019/03/26,"Suicide hotlines are a joke I just got done talking on a suicide hotline and all they did was ask the most vague questions and never even really responded to what I said and at the end they just said they hope through talking that my problems are fixed I dont really blame the person on line they're all just volunteers,it just feels like their reading from a script ",15.998749999999996,7.6317124861111125,13.36388888888889,63.37000000000002,56.08333333333334,16.622222222222227,52.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,5.792116666666666,297,12,57,4,2,91,51,72,0.171,0.703,0.126,-0.6747,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,4,0,5,4,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,0,3,15,12,3,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,3,8,3,6,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,3,3,40,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962475337199675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757217025776695,0.23772287586083746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965294036705826,0.0,0.0,0.13397160004834238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256023262560604,0.1449064413149489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622268843231208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014624190063008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909567177933702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564400188726756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771090143703262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408714377882788,0.0,0.0,0.22722330944624866,0.0,0.20289139769918915,0.0,0.25988452095228715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858879349934406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44374043448952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260646024499484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkwhybutstill,2019/03/26,"it feels like a game i dont really know what im doing. i dont know how to tell anyone. i dont know but still, i keep going on. i dont know why i dont know and thats the worst part. i wish i had some clarity. some understanding. is anyone there. i hate this. i dont know why i cry. ive never felt like this before. i cant stop crying. i wish i could. but then the fun would end. but im not having fun. i dont know who is but still. this feels like a sick game. i dont wanna play anymore. im done. i just dont know how to say it. im afraid of the end. how did everyone else stop playing. did they just say it was a game too. im sure it made it easier. ",-3.6063461538461534,-2.1866665833333307,0.3077025641025646,103.97063076923081,105.85897435897436,3.7780512820512833,9.445128205128206,5.6839178017228535,-1.7303899487179484,487,5,140,5,25,178,73,156,0.107,0.604,0.29,0.9804,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,1,1,6,0,22,1,0,4,2,36,40,9,0,5,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,11,1,0,3,12,5,0,1,12,3,0,0,7,5,19,8,5,31,4,10,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,11,83,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915762328418197,0.09751959746754103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933869808368904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567711257241766,0.0,0.15319956605154628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136233393631003,0.7355520399181087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582540055037987,0.0,0.12352766854239973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663405023819922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051944930888705,0.09963630328476326,0.0669558016905369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963157295542818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884812024993815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766247029736861,0.0,0.0,0.061982992442276064,0.0,0.0,0.30659289616923824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220587488744164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598421955804164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053783341253940485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551538129419835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467353678974486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091092569901964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137970080340882,0.11660188643089822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572369151332982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060950795325888873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259579827249987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584860181012858,0.0,0.16038185824490447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049537199994609205,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mbm2783,2019/03/26,"Depressed since I was 13 I'm not planning on killing myself right now. But I need to know how other people, ""normal"" people, want to wake up every day and how do they enjoy life? I can't get out of bed without a stimulant (adderall). Like, is it normal for a person to wake up and want to do things? I haven't been able to wake up and be excited or motivated to do anything since I was 12. 

I was very good about my diet and exercise for a whole year 2 years ago. And I felt so much better. But I still wasn't happy about living or looking forward to anything. 

Does the average person actually love life and want to wake up in the morning? Very serious question. I wish I could wake up and be happy about life. And I am but but it's very rare, drug induced, and short lived. ",1.5069583333333334,3.4013316125000017,3.4675000000000047,89.20083333333338,79.75,6.016666666666668,22.541666666666664,7.03164865440522,0.6996541666666669,598,19,127,7,15,202,94,160,0.059,0.8059999999999999,0.135,0.8323,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,3,8,11,1,0,5,0,15,12,5,5,0,34,26,18,1,8,8,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,1,2,4,10,1,0,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,6,2,14,8,23,17,2,17,0,1,1,1,5,11,0,3,8,84,18,1,0.13098240998619895,0.0,0.12781993770673733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610800342637878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155747259880479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584329746014844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045787962382764,0.0,0.0,0.08447281853667937,0.0,0.11281495779070767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462358965380733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189801142102574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103583296383926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257636543715803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843290311818216,0.0,0.0,0.10986183107807357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788664220766514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449126299911663,0.0,0.07198450704246337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775502493499425,0.06399138934217186,0.0,0.2313197354536152,0.0,0.10999223562548892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821673890726067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628714236910943,0.09712179733267597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566699031751819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816134217219253,0.22873757634575226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673027591729368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185826245248467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167000061509222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460272181185504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701889305386933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242226174788921,0.23177045714125136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623718309806208,0.1506233073050836,0.1262623691084954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869675520822522
suicidewatch,EliteGoatWizard,2019/03/26,"Im fucking done with trying to find a girlfriend I go through phases of being very desperate for a girlfriend and being completely uninterested due to giving up. My social skills are so freakishly underdeveloped that I haven't directly made a friend since like grade 3 and have never had a proper one-on-one conversation lasting more than 5 minutes. Initiating any sort of social interaction gives me unbearable anxiety and makes me overthink every word I say, overthink every type of body language I communicate, and then I hate myself for doing the previous 3 things. I don't see a point in living this completely isolated and horribly depressing life.",14.938652173913047,10.626420930434787,13.989456521739132,45.97201086956522,52.73913043478261,17.41304347826087,51.35869565217392,14.90622815163357,7.563739130434782,537,26,76,17,4,179,86,115,0.194,0.763,0.043,-0.9427,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,6,0,9,3,1,2,1,12,17,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,2,10,2,12,12,1,8,0,1,1,1,10,3,1,1,5,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185561258024317,0.0,0.13336843873211368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365071858089897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655811003650374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501574534017065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840876559754326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293775330234304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934218688484822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469345568877786,0.1611730897877056,0.0,0.3344826584452462,0.09908056000490904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212312812617936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883154449826312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210910716967348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314040457505357,0.08517296155961585,0.0,0.15394404730315064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496325877982054,0.1163722705901918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446056194561598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181362471115446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480618847746886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864093460636395,0.0,0.0,0.1389251747116963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421456920687156,0.0,0.0,0.3554321940763693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582272098213492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836436515343425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384748124796412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Milkshaketurtle79,2019/03/26,"I wish I could actually go through with killing myself. My dad is officially a closet white supremecist. I'm trans and he doesn't know. But I'm financially dependant on him. He uses it as leverage to treat me like shit. He always goes on about how I'm a leech on him for not having a job or going to college, then says I'm stupid for trying to move out and become independent. He invited me to a rally as a joke, then yelled at me for being unemployed and fat and apparently brainwashed when I linked him to various white supremecist stuff supported and said by the people he worships. And because in stupid and overly sensitive, I cut myself until my arm was completely fucked up, and we don't have any medical stuff I can use.

He hates me for not being able to go to college or be rich when I'm only fucking 20. I'd love to go to college. There are so many things I wish I could make into a career. But I'm autistic, and I'm fucking stupid. I barely made it through high school. My grades were too terrible for any college to accept or even consider me.

I want to die. There's no possible future for me. I'd never be able to pay for all of the insurance I need and not be miserable and hungry all of the time. I'm never going to be taken seriously as a woman. Nobody wants to date a desperate, fat, poor, mentally unstable Trans person.

I want so badly to die. I hope so badly that I just don't wake up when I go to sleep, because I'm too weak to go through with killing myself. I'm too weak to live, and to die. So I'm just trapped in this unending hell. There's nothing to live for. I can't fucking take it anymore. I can't. I hate this I hate this I hate this. And no matter how much I scream nobody will hear because nobody cares. Nobody wants me, but I'm not even good enough to ease the burden on everyone else. I'm that fucking pathetic.

And I feel stupid for even posting on here, because I know that I'm just one person bitching in a choir of other people who are actually good enough to either push on, or put themselves out of their misery and hurt those who have wronged them in the process.

Im so fucking mad. The world is so beautiful and I don't get any of it. There's so many things that could've made me happy, and I had to be born worthless enough to only envy people who could do it. I hate myself. I can't do this anymore. Please please just stop this. I wish there was a God or something that could help. I just want to be gone and stop suffering. ",2.4565271577380945,3.982332863281254,4.167801339285713,86.89408854166668,75.8359375,7.219940476190477,24.495163690476193,7.957251820313856,1.2743999627976188,1934,63,410,30,42,651,218,512,0.202,0.674,0.124,-0.9919,4,1,1,0,0,6,53.0,1,0,2,0,31,48,22,1,16,0,34,16,6,9,4,77,93,44,5,14,18,1,1,1,0,1,5,6,1,3,25,24,2,2,5,2,3,11,15,35,0,1,9,9,49,13,67,71,8,45,2,4,2,7,24,19,9,7,15,265,74,10,0.12947688613157698,0.0,0.12635076359905326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538675707192818,0.0,0.0,0.13207308378162624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284062795653657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810779166672004,0.1578558160496019,0.07149852412500765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600515729662737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787702585405665,0.0,0.0,0.2584418948648795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015648490608112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408066212589197,0.0,0.0,0.2006763520908628,0.0,0.12827739324646614,0.0,0.0,0.06186035665438961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032733701986631586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590978845976866,0.033823164521173885,0.0,0.25754644364605456,0.10859906909791216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891527644998915,0.0,0.3195790484310035,0.0,0.0,0.07296493038187124,0.0,0.04339281375918578,0.06839971948617235,0.0,0.06429988131298066,0.0,0.0,0.0693038422542536,0.0,0.06992862768365739,0.0,0.06424291543715711,0.0,0.14324699090794366,0.0,0.07115711050481341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03162793321687543,0.0,0.11433046258070075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842897242444432,0.12251416027783445,0.0432134134486628,0.13126924033656132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652171705591419,0.06524112396600328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688067196416399,0.047590204554083686,0.04800273523544864,0.09986055658151204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062118282127088864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386844446545364,0.0984730063550063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464445527494934,0.1130542228137824,0.0,0.14212673979329438,0.0,0.07298286742686395,0.06200153309848864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508001615907381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158108430985682,0.05148260833675596,0.0,0.06551876060310101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645308149060711,0.0,0.0,0.06478519639513629,0.0,0.0,0.049838816306208567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824847439717823,0.0,0.0,0.14822005754705112,0.0,0.07346441800579746,0.0,0.0,0.04867525238682521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601868990209344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03774950676442956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043953153298660064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182645808803247,0.0,0.0,0.1909220551771243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333804375820432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078132468138885,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hedonthehappy,2019/03/26,"Doing it This Friday This Friday I’m getting paid for the last time and I’m going to spend it on a motel room where I’ll hang myself using partial suspension. I’ve already confirmed that this motel has a metal hanging rack in every room. 
I could do it much sooner, like right now, and hang myself in a closet that no one usually goes into except for periodically, but I figured if I’m going to leave my family and friends behind I should do It in a way that minimizes their trauma by ensuring they’re not the ones that find my body. 
I’ve had clinical depression and anxiety since my early teens and I’m 22 now. I’ve been having daily suicidal ideation since late spring 2017. 
I’ve chosen to end things on my own terms because I keep trying to better my life and failing (since 2015). I’ve also learned that I’m suicidal no matter how well my life goes. I just don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve lived a good life and experienced a lot. But the highs and middles aren’t worth the lows. 
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suicidewatch,whydoesitmatter879,2019/03/26,"I almost asked God to die. (Not trying to stir up anything religious this literally just happened and I have to write it)

My mom is going on a volunteer trip tomorrow so she asked me to say a prayer for her. I used to pray all the time but the last year or so I haven’t really, not like I used to. After I asked God to watch over her and my grandparents, normally I’d ask him to watch over me, but I started to think well if he doesn’t and I die that’s fine, before I realized what I was thinking. I don’t understand why this is happening to me. ",1.4484615384615367,2.928291495726498,3.798641025641029,88.66719230769233,78.48717948717949,8.098803418803419,22.81111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.4372229059829065,423,13,98,10,10,147,74,117,0.097,0.812,0.091,-0.5774,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,1,20,20,9,2,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,3,20,3,16,19,1,12,1,0,2,0,12,4,0,3,7,66,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357823117483364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442872159452124,0.0,0.6108661989827839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390045988981309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390771204826465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283942992145976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889117448028691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315758909342498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980787750417802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132150142041746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005497303771246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465054447371387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299078783163467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562477875463767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934487356868112,0.0,0.0,0.09525465957703716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090853930696272,0.0,0.0,0.1700601824179947,0.0,0.2821756390978453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468773751122,0.0,0.14740409700121246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519641871674199
suicidewatch,DaftGuy556,2019/03/26,Telling people Is there a way to tell people I'm suicide without being hospitalized. I don't know how to go about it and am worried about talking to a therapist and my life being derailed.,7.169189189189191,6.754947135135139,7.889864864864865,71.4466891891892,64.13513513513513,9.562162162162162,40.12162162162162,8.841846274778883,3.770632432432432,152,8,26,2,2,51,29,37,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,0,5,8,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486311507500426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942421708562568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048970119752431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022195714027729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31730807171972386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331609252117749,0.5070976110398737,0.0,0.0,0.3368133407691013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302575412864025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796334957274068,0.0,0.0,0.2945974080675337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JetBlack-,2019/03/26,"Not suicidal, but afraid I could be seen as such and involuntarily hospitalized by my therapist I’ve been diagnosed as depressed for about 5-6 years now, and one of the things I struggle with most is very nihilist/existentialist thoughts about life as a whole. I have literally 0 intention to harm myself or anyone, but I have never been able to bring it up in my therapy sessions out of fear of my therapist making these assumptions and subsequently being unwillingly hospitalized. 

If anyone has been in a familiar situation and could advise me on how to go about talking about it without sounding all the alarm bells, I think I could make a good amount of progress in dealing with the problem. Thanks",15.584370078740154,9.657195606299217,14.074389763779529,50.706387795275624,53.566929133858274,17.739370078740166,53.00984251968504,14.554592549557764,7.182733858267717,570,27,95,16,4,186,89,127,0.16399999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.097,-0.8861,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,4,6,0,12,2,0,4,2,26,20,12,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,5,2,11,2,25,10,4,11,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,3,3,75,15,2,0.17007533696608318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784126011047355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073739522338826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534020442904627,0.14648563851505492,0.17262288696285627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913820378450896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665773338550353,0.14265112347744258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012924022440775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270532161629915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311725846801875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524744991253462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627391283005705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911718046271577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779966951159834,0.0,0.18603481429669635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670011351407482,0.0,0.15658251993621192,0.19449597003330651,0.3949411495461481,0.11299049666372582,0.10897740858674887,0.0,0.13502081995157966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032996472721834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898830399821953,0.0,0.1639465556827513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952294086720046
suicidewatch,neigharobot,2019/03/26,"How to make people happy for my funeral? Putting suicide aside from the question, is there anyway for me to make friends and families happy for one last time? That way I know that I'm at least worth a bit in this world. I've always been taking a liking to the Irish Wake, but my culture aren't really familiar to that. And I'm worried that writing a will requesting for festive death means that I'm not respecting others emotions. I've been too selfish in this world to ask that.

Got any ideas guys?",4.576580086580087,5.745354969696972,5.063088023088024,83.9527272727273,70.01010101010101,8.08138528138528,29.294372294372288,8.418075326091056,2.0842311688311685,398,15,77,6,7,127,68,99,0.18600000000000005,0.6890000000000001,0.126,-0.8668,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,5,1,1,3,0,12,15,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,0,4,6,13,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657692007198094,0.0,0.0,0.1361383557675888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871537757927969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185593091987252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251905947092208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872449143489325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466890020244475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601129251127455,0.0,0.0,0.1982229095566363,0.0,0.4262191275256146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259939458549623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002104003244584,0.16318431509747086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978043678814639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672612565206596,0.0,0.0,0.21806926741715227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356562078042311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387888752916688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012496295128604,0.22426238956037373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282489983544141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189790528658748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150520499032294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673436331154692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589041779897063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330608372405984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OshyzFM,2019/03/26,"I feel broken I thought I needed a break from all the stress to feel better but honestly spring break came around and I was depressed all through it. I feel sorry for all the people in my life who have to put with a shitty attitude and a depressed sack of shit. I dont understand how they deal with me. I've  become numb to it all I'm no longer scared of harming myself which isnt good probably, but what is there to do. I really have nothing left right now",3.2537142857142847,4.362514431578951,4.235488721804515,88.86842105263159,73.10526315789474,7.533834586466164,24.09774436090225,7.957251820313856,1.0929849624060155,361,10,78,5,7,117,65,95,0.365,0.584,0.052000000000000005,-0.989,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,10,1,2,5,0,7,3,1,1,4,19,15,5,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,3,3,11,3,13,12,4,10,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529656002138172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21747771936890167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415577398519086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252188943253855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301125309084306,0.3392060951632748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307835211871568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986992084804728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651633943639615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394928706865216,0.0,0.13908725423367854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601036189533334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894575088702006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651642658463495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123082341773913,0.0,0.0,0.19795448457118944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614912349141513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816477691126416,0.0,0.0,0.19714678625578466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021309500367461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043080130272666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255660611878213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632892604967508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499599940646987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iph9n4,2019/03/26,"I need to be relieved. Sorry, this is awfully long. Im very appreciative of anyone who gives me the time this evening or whenever you stumble across this... 

I am the string that holds the chaos of 5 lives together.

The good things: 

I am a mother of three beautiful children. One is my own, two are my step children. 

I am the wife of a seemingly dedicated and devoted husband. 

I own a successful business and help provide a living wage for a staff of 15 and their families. 

I am privileged to have what most say is one of the most rewarding jobs out there (I coach/mentor extremely talented and intelligent kiddos... though that has been put on hold for the most part lately.) 

The bad things:

I am overweight. I’m pretty sure I’d be considered obese at this point. When I was 24 I was beautiful though I didn’t think it then, 5’0 - 116-126 pounds of pure female athlete. Now I’m 34 and 190 pounds. 

I have nagging injuries/old surgeries that are failing and causing me daily severe pain (ranging from 7-10/10 on most days.) I understand my weight is contributing to this. 

I know that I am suffering from long term effects of a series of concussions, the last of which put me in the hospital for a week. 

I have a food/overeating/binging  addiction that I cannot shake. 

I have an autoimmune disorder that causes severe completely debilitating itchiness. Same autoimmune disorder causes my joints to swell (adds to the pain) and I have had a rash on my leg/foot for nearly 10 years that has yet to be successfully treated. 

All of those things combined:

I feel angry all the time. I feel sick/under the weather all the time. I’m in physical pain ALL. THE. TIME. I hold it in. I hold my head down. I deal the best I can. But I know others are starting to see me fail. There are days I cannot walk and my husband has to help me. There are days I have to crawl out of my bed to get to the rest room because it hurts to walk. There are days I’m so itchy I can’t sleep. And there are days when I do manage  to sleep my dreams are filled with anxiety and this terrible dread.  Then there are some days that I’m 100% fine and I feel like people discredit the other things I’m experiencing. 

My step son (13) recently began to live with my husband and I full time. (His mother “couldn’t handle him anymore.”) He’s a great kid but needs a ton of guidance. I’m doing my best to get him in track in school (he was failing), set his head straight help him succeed as he has ambitious goals. He’s a great kid, but I find myself angry and frustrated at the situation... not him. The situation. He calls me mom now. Not my name. The weight of that is sometimes too much to bear... I’m afraid I’m going to screw him up more... 

Meanwhile, my own daughter is acting out. She’s spoiled rotten, selfish, ungrateful, entitled and just plain mean sometimes. She’s 10, emotional, and I’m sure the changes with our living arrangements are hard for her. But I’m just so utterly disappointed in her recently. I’m trying to be patient, but also committed to discipline I that I’m careful not to reward behavior that falls into the above categories. She told me tonight that she hates me and that I don’t love her. I know she doesn’t mean it... but it hurt. I feel like I already failed her. 

My husband... Maybe I shouldn’t have settled for my husband. He is a great husband now... but he wasn’t always a great or faithful partner before we got married. I thought I worked through the insecurities of his infidelity and lying phase (and I truly believe he has changed, and when we married I fully weighed what he did and thought I had reconciled it 100%) but I find myself resentful now, but not at him... 

I’m resentful now that I’ve lost my beauty and charm and wit and energy. Given how much I’ve let myself go, at this point I wish he would cheat again or find a girlfriend.  I’ve actually told him this... this made him understandably very upset. But he’s now always telling me I’m beautiful and he loves me no matter what, “you’re not fat”, more lies but different but still— i hate him for it. Why the hell is he still with me? I wish he’d leave me. Funny after all that turmoil early in our relationship— all that heartache and pain—- and I’m ready to let it go. 

Then there’s my mother. She has serious mental problems (ptsd and depression stemming from trauma caused by rape/incest) on top of physical disabilities in her old age. She still lives independently but relies on me more and more financially and emotionally (and not in a healthy way.) she lives with a roommate (an older veteran) who has taken advantage of her and enables/exasperates her mental issues. She recently granted me power of attorney to start putting her affairs in order and managing her finances but this hasn’t been easy. 

Side note: I was on meds as a teen— I don’t like them. I was put unnecessarily through the juvenile system and in and out of psych wards as a “troubled teen” (and somehow straight a student?!?!?) so I don’t care for “therapy” as it just really messed with my head. I was told I’d never be a functioning adult with meds... well I made it to Age 34... maybe they were right :/ 

I have of course tried exercising, changing my diet (nearly impossible as my husband caters to my cravings, and doesn’t support my efforts to be disciplined in that area), CBD oil for pain.... and of course every OTC and prescribed med under the sun for my physical and mental symptoms.... 

The diet change has the most drastic effect But the chaos of managing these kids and our finances and my mom and my business.... if I get off track I relapse worse than before and my husband enables the bad habits (he’s naturally thin- can eat whatever he wants.) I get it though- not his job to fix me. 

I feel like I’m stuck. Imprisoned in my marriage, my role as mother/step mother (I know that’s awful), my role as caretaker of my mom, my mind, and my body. I am desperate for an out. Any out. 

What scares me right now is not that I’m going to find a way to commit suicide tonight. And likely not tomorrow— but rather that I feel it coming. I feel me losing myself more and more every day. I feel me losing my will to continue on. It’s slowly chipping away at my sanity and I’m just left here exposed and raw and a bit numb. I am scared that when the right circumstances and the opportunity to rid myself of myself presents itself, I’ll suddenly find my motivation and follow through. 

Anyway, Thanks for reading. 

Goodnight, everyone. 
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suicidewatch,yawaworht147,2019/03/27,"I will be dead I hate myself so much. I dont want to live in this body. I cant take living this stupid life anymore. I am never happy. All I am is a miserable pathetic eternally depressed person. 

I tested hanging myself a couple of days ago. I am pretty sure that I can go through with it now. I feel so happy and relieved knowing its all going to be over soon. Hopefully when Im dead, I will finally be at peace. ",0.24413793103448,2.4253973793103465,3.1294367816091966,88.12174137931036,86.70114942528734,5.778850574712644,21.34367816091953,7.1686216300943375,0.8509043678160917,320,11,66,5,10,113,62,87,0.325,0.536,0.139,-0.9658,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,1,2,0,12,2,1,0,4,10,20,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,1,13,5,8,15,3,14,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,8,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444603551222276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19516679962878689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859380553407007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774885334648392,0.0,0.12691587028805312,0.0,0.16949841141266705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064113988055385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950497558775924,0.0,0.0,0.2155782428602976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236851670330559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189818129083236,0.0,0.19429336422426824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954608776898182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21257132460574035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815285338897213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900144470582432,0.0,0.0,0.3475454714127958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466625694535015,0.0,0.15177968946013976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183295805914006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021027929471047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547604621600847,0.0,0.14796462075866376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160742188422392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadeSaint,2019/03/27,"I've had enough This life of quiet, unfulfilling suffering needs to end. A hollow, soulless husk, never having known love nor felt worth.

Do you truly, actually want me to live through these dull, painful days just for others? I thought I mattered, but in the end I'm just a sideshow in everyone else's story.",5.7156896551724135,6.995995568965522,5.73051724137931,79.80370689655173,67.44827586206897,8.558620689655173,31.74137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.5830206896551733,245,10,45,4,4,77,50,58,0.166,0.779,0.055,-0.6448,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,10,9,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,4,1,7,6,1,6,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2660401318204161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581889165289213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774102935481574,0.0,0.4829250477173131,0.2816918111810732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605023819407307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26176025264538144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256126039132007,0.0,0.0,0.2407305699598217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24605235588852595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214605192738197,0.210263198099142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29008945019175103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643172986340967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079975230835095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Easterling,2019/03/27,"I just want to end it What an doing wrong, why is it to hard to normal, lately the thoughts of ending it all are invading my head once again and every time I see a tall structure I dream on jumping from it and think how it will end a the suffering my head is having... I just want to be alone and end my self it will end my suffering.

I cant do this anymore is so taxing ",0.9279365079365078,2.3306351975308672,3.053721340388009,93.77888888888893,79.74074074074075,6.110052910052911,20.213403880070548,6.868970318607317,0.15208853615520246,285,7,68,3,7,97,52,81,0.154,0.79,0.056,-0.8442,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,11,2,2,1,1,12,16,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,9,0,7,12,1,11,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,8,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966049072903944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245812014953914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7254468800709811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801921356478594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674394849033426,0.0,0.33623805518657346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847877920032664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050160553383466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445511430180893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053746441381647,0.0,0.1708923087183814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496452462659192,0.0,0.13004893734125286,0.09552046716530957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932418774791958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478154272993768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791034050414801,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anniza,2019/03/27,"Struggling I just want to be dead so bad. I force myself to keep on going like everything is normal but when I'm alone I break down. Like tonight I'm breaking down over just wanting to not be here anymore and not being able to handle the depression anymore. I have an interview tomorrow for a summer research program and I feel like I'm just wasting their time even going. Like I question of I'll even be alive in a month. If it wasn't for this interview tomorrow I would do it tonight but I'm afraid if I did somehow survive it would make look terrible and I'd never get hired. I don't even feel emotion anymore, I'm just numb. I can't handle this much longer. I see a new psychiatrist in a month but I have no hope that he will be able to do anything different than the others. I'm sick of feeling like this all time, I want it to be over.",1.5427774064171125,3.557816198863641,3.1976470588235317,90.57676470588235,80.19318181818181,6.1866310160427815,25.12566844919786,7.285733465282438,1.1232276737967908,665,26,142,9,17,220,95,176,0.17600000000000002,0.684,0.141,-0.8606,1,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,1,11,12,0,2,7,0,18,2,0,1,2,30,38,10,1,9,11,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,5,15,6,18,27,2,23,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,5,17,92,24,5,0.27471591036127635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226141657529662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086665470668245,0.0,0.0,0.11303389345739097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468815513021202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830620552450027,0.0,0.0,0.14350982801327736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545092117028894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721709018292497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344847322427888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835692785229384,0.19625710125293014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176386234135282,0.0,0.15612738268895196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642744244765656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209006178136313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355307934147396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534608786672955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168750168507804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192756187077061,0.0,0.10097390166665436,0.0,0.1059389228846436,0.13266116904505534,0.0,0.0,0.13458163222172392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387234564712846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945650648456097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435963583642744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018905653849025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430518423623325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515030073612533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,afuckingusername-,2019/03/27,"Is telling an ex you’re planning on ending your life manipulative? I didn’t blame them for it and I never said it’s their fault, I just felt like they’d want to know, their response come off as they wanted to know and wanted to help me when I was struggling, but I still feel like I’m being manipulative.

I didn’t say when or how I just said in the near future I plan on doing so.",1.6014111498257826,3.113397085365857,3.3688153310104525,91.77426829268295,78.14634146341464,5.661324041811848,19.031358885017426,6.18269132825596,-0.2868592334494773,299,6,70,2,7,100,58,82,0.073,0.8190000000000001,0.107,0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,5,2,7,4,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,3,1,18,18,9,0,3,4,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,5,15,2,10,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,8,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101771565353383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610413461748654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336948269502808,0.17430764582469715,0.2342701963485537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354242451216636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681828018302652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723384808239544,0.2384039398459947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818136140131805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641837649898961,0.1940319112360166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948520047378176,0.0,0.0,0.2550729936973685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132594103583796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317376969807969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,highschoolhemingway,2019/03/27,I can’t do it I thought I could wait out longer but I seriously doubt it now. I don’t want to be me a minute longer,-2.958928571428572,-1.3380318928571422,0.20428571428571551,106.06571428571432,100.07142857142857,4.228571428571429,14.142857142857142,5.985473137389443,-1.2403142857142857,89,2,27,1,4,31,20,28,0.223,0.716,0.061,-0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6281455775230385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6245813984500385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464037940419146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway473827282,2019/03/27,Suicide I think about suicide every day. Multiple times a day. Not the active planning of it but where I don’t put much effort into things because I can always just kill myself. Part of me will never do it but another part entertains the idea to the point where it impacts my everyday life. I don’t know what to do to make this go away. It’s multiple times a day. No one knows. There was one time that i was suicidal for real and it’s almost like it got “ a taste” for it in my brain that I can’t the option of ending it all leave my brain. ,0.7139473684210529,2.7989320614035123,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,83.64912280701755,5.905263157894738,19.149122807017545,7.1686216300943375,0.3443649122807022,421,11,92,6,12,142,72,114,0.196,0.743,0.061,-0.9487,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,7,0,9,4,2,1,2,16,15,3,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,2,1,0,4,1,0,2,6,1,0,2,3,1,11,2,12,11,4,17,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,10,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639383907951756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164650352583488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329890021877307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735563832905984,0.0,0.0,0.08911951953301052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32640542055878113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28285232548399303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948596469275125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317615186946933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308636464976832,0.0,0.11692602733225517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650371090988084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174384097769404,0.0,0.16069062662990302,0.0,0.0,0.15480009866345634,0.0,0.0,0.10326232065236594,0.07142381655990156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975867406169195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747063416415244,0.0,0.11275510837113448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198131930327778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316631313823071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382021566258707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696702133483022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640267137163225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797429820713789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712590269749424,0.09367627805126442,0.0,0.0,0.2557436011908726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gallray108,2019/03/27,"Convinced that leaving would benefit everyone. I'm not a smart guy, nor handsome, nor anything special really. I just had for a very long time the intelligence knowing im one life out of 7 billion. That my emotions and my past dont matter. That the universe doesnt care if i live or die. That i would bring temporary pain to others but time heals all wounds. Im a firm believer that suicide is an option. My life is exhausting and tiring and there's just so much pain in this world. I dont see nor do i have the motivation to see why i should continue. My family is severely poor and im just a pain to them because i dont help them from what my mother has done to me. My sister is always on her adventures. My best friends never try to talk to me only when i try. My fiance doesnt deserve someone like me. She deserves the best. I know this might hurt her but at the same time she can find someone who can truly make her happy. Not looking for motivation or a reason to stop digging myself deeper. Just curious if anyone else out here has had similar experiences. I just dont care for my life and my impact.",1.6769815313582157,3.9009768982300876,3.6970411696806487,86.05798191612159,80.90265486725664,6.762293189688343,23.98537899191997,7.893859768569023,1.4277447479799927,873,32,176,16,23,296,131,226,0.208,0.632,0.16,-0.8647,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,4,9,18,0,0,11,0,23,10,0,4,2,37,33,16,2,5,13,2,0,1,1,4,10,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,12,5,0,2,3,3,31,13,17,26,5,16,0,1,3,0,14,6,0,6,10,125,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231367425234977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691707857805054,0.10136053705311432,0.08140699393243361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603038713628806,0.0,0.0,0.1114548014968953,0.20763174582097368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172162747056702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266871827070496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123480493545678,0.4637582954705786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263929384862022,0.11127751221224316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452724856146053,0.0,0.09676780801328998,0.093257855318128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041582207717958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642934845194503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795148091072464,0.0,0.10530769331100567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630746270850436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590145090227528,0.0,0.32056850920916186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873338330690843,0.0,0.0,0.10474748164799663,0.0,0.0,0.20962133998981786,0.04832984590406023,0.0,0.08735274608011631,0.08754567105237193,0.08307223601597369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603332562520957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494398265924716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272138956630796,0.0,0.07629719713874743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703426197747775,0.07523705691125722,0.31579009787601797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443527765370964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633740032483111,0.10171156071064473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576611206905463,0.0,0.0,0.11175729514307288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676379674934037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270587981660843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820809039992317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951231223430985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305220347806827,0.113699941598574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343274068119229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162363354637185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926458786380824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054721873246742,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SirTerpsalot,2019/03/27,"I'm tired of acting It feels like my entire personality is a sham. Hell, my entire life (if you can even call it one). I hate the act I have to put up to keep people from hating me. I hate that people hate me for it anyway. People say that I'm succeeding, that I have so much to be proud of, and other bs like that. Even when (more like if) I do accomplish something, it just feels empty. Like it's completely insignificant compared to the failures. The worst part is the act I've created for myself has given people such high expectations of me I can't stop it without disappointing everyone I know. I hate what I've become, I hated who I was, and everyone hates me either way. My life is a fucking mess, and the is I'm too much of a coward to try to end it again. The therapy was crap, the medication never comes, and I doubt it would help. Everything is shit, and I haven't even mentioned an eighth of it. Maybe I should get someone else to kill me so I don't have to do it myself. They'll probably like it anyway.",2.121904761904762,3.7825829047619095,4.187619047619048,85.81904761904764,77.09523809523809,7.333333333333332,21.666666666666664,8.167268648758528,1.0310952380952378,790,21,169,14,18,271,112,210,0.248,0.618,0.134,-0.9862,0,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,1,3,12,23,12,1,11,0,21,7,2,0,1,21,39,10,1,5,5,0,2,5,0,3,4,1,0,1,18,6,0,2,3,0,0,5,5,16,0,1,3,3,26,7,18,32,6,13,1,1,0,1,8,2,4,3,10,120,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928597905606258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104222906833182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523937621780145,0.10375049438649457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826626588556536,0.0,0.08764311943569941,0.0,0.0,0.19607286560473605,0.0,0.0,0.18910794941479392,0.08893271006170665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000673709987026,0.070692149637073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914805920250058,0.05169893637256072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6838702402518528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632621013797038,0.10454943514829633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795410572710421,0.1094769985799888,0.0,0.054382063010997406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397870714963973,0.24171755217511104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099411738686664,0.0,0.0,0.0996848875280372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548390087263965,0.0,0.07631876901411992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670532148984145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071566177860485,0.0,0.2744066174655741,0.08640207317443795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668823133271203,0.0,0.0,0.09947524609729827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869151601794104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157398576921367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838426822931628,0.07617896875040814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272926364981441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316155008563406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373208853269486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067182692924499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785444040303429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538730478109048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029347816351687,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chaizzz,2019/03/27,"It doesn't get better. I'm 32 years old and have been battling severe mental illness nearly my entire life. I can't work, go most places by myself, or live on my own. My depression is only getting worse. Hobbies that I used to enjoy I no longer find joy in, and even the attempt at trying to partake in them causes me to have panic attacks. I'm deep in poverty, stuck in a low opportunity area. I cannot pull myself out of this. I don't have the means to. People who don't know my situation offer me menial advice, not even realizing that I've already tried those methods or they're out of reach to me. I will be stuck in poverty for the rest of my life and I will never have the means to pull myself out of this. 

​

They say it gets better. I'm sure it can for some people. I don't think it'll happen for me. ",1.828914728682172,3.497425302325585,3.7692093023255815,88.46261240310079,77.95348837209302,5.5168992248062025,20.768992248062016,6.079149491110277,0.13216852713178318,640,16,135,4,15,217,102,172,0.218,0.711,0.07200000000000001,-0.9748,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,5,2,11,2,1,5,0,17,3,0,2,2,21,32,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,9,5,0,0,3,1,22,6,25,25,4,21,0,2,0,0,5,15,0,4,3,92,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865731071291918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787656764254014,0.0,0.0,0.16483016958838828,0.1848516611363324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306708432795972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690889643403185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627693033591006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102726191146946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095766394534376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904185227924254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384411454604159,0.0,0.08645760960907947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452591676174575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360533959795316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490441768449026,0.0,0.0,0.13433144042300552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314230651321098,0.0,0.0,0.15330882005280122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733016821801913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596323048063769,0.0,0.0,0.11569987987335137,0.0,0.17848893764637722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093221892387135,0.0,0.15894094260399155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097795772895352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171860864231779,0.0,0.0,0.1709977740404668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337844398247018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747721074965077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065692820782426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138938523724625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075069021628184,0.0,0.15503100084649904,0.0,0.0,0.1848516611363324,0.09796517395011524
suicidewatch,everrsterr,2019/03/27,"Legalise Euthanaisa [rant] Scrolling through this subreddit makes me wonder why euthanasia isn't legal in our modern society. People talk about jumping off of buildings in cities/public places, overdosing on other peoples pills, slitting their wrists open-making someone else clean up the mess. This is all traumatising for people other than the suicidal person! Why make others go through something like that, that they have to live with for the rest of their life that they want to be alive for? Why make ""exiting"" more painful than it already is? Why are consenting adults not aloud to be ""put-down"" but their pets are? Okay yes last point was very veganish but the point still stands. Euthanasia should absolutely be legal because it would be helpful for everyone!",8.211289228159458,10.084553267175577,6.390483460559796,75.17103477523328,62.12977099236641,9.486344359626802,35.16624257845632,9.725611199111238,3.608078201865988,622,27,96,12,9,181,96,131,0.079,0.8,0.121,0.7898,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,5,0,2,4,0,0,4,2,13,4,1,3,1,12,19,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,10,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,20,12,3,15,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,4,61,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711163948372701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452525195156622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295356317198008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816979050635798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812614333440122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393577521871156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639742394409095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952591450128724,0.07575617879275473,0.0,0.1369238847402874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105182105654081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499846466968449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225044569722226,0.13539544076479704,0.16200832237852258,0.0,0.2931701998341989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588161598088845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313847747734841,0.11937543477857995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383388729716747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961426815702865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246341433367093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794360215689735,0.0914604520523095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596826517093537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815971844859226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015263996762213,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nugget_VonMattenhorn,2019/03/27,"I think I need help. TL;DR If I don't get help, when I'm 14 ( currently just turned 13 ) I will kill myself to be with my ""Imaginary"" friends. Plus I was fucking raped.

​

I don't know how to put a part two link, but I will make multiple parts, because I need to vent. 

​

I'm going to sum this up...maybe. I'm kinda having a panic attack while typing. Ok so I have gotten really ""addicted"" to daydreaming, and recently I've started to hallucinate. So, I've made my own world  ( not connected to this one ) with different friends, and I've started to see them. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. It pains me to write this, because I really want this to be real, it's all so perfect, but It's not. I'm going to finish writing this then go back to day dreaming. But I really need help. 

I don't know if it helps, but when I was 3-6 ( I cant remember ), I was raped by a family member multiple times. Consequently, I can't at all remember anything before that. My earliest memory is being raped. that's fucked. No one knows except me and my ""imaginary"" friends. The one who raped my (Grandfather on my fathers side) comes over only for family gatherings, but I make sure not to leave my little brother ( 8 ) or my 6 pets alone with him. or my ""Imaginary"" friends for that matter. like they are fake, because even if you cant hear or see them, I can. They're real to me. I feel like I'm betraying them by doing this. I can elaborate on my friends later, which I may use this account to do, but I will be talking like they're real, because they are. I think. 

I don't know if it helps, but when I was 3-6 ( I cant remember ), I was raped by a family member mulriple times. Consequently, I can't at all remember anything before that. My earliest memory is being raped. that's fucked. No one knows except me and my ""imaginary"" friends. The one who raped me ( Grandfather on my fathers side ) comes over only for family gatherings, but I make sure not to leave my little brother, ( 8 years old ) or my 6 pets alone with him. Or my ""imaginary"" friends for that matter. 

I can't believe I fucking typed that.

I've never told anyone. It's not even like a ""Oh, boohoo, poor me, no one will understand, I'm so depressed now."" kinda thing. Like if I could go back in time, my first goal probably wouldn't be to make sure I wasn't raped, because, although it was horrible and hurt A LOT, I've blocked most of it out enough that it feels like a weird fever dream. 

I think instead of making me sensitive or whatever, being raped just fucked me up. 

I'm not even the most mad at him for raping me, I'm mad at him for having my sweet Abuelita as his wife. I don't want to put a burden on her by turning him in. 

I cant believe I'm telling this to strangers and not my family. Fuck. 

It's ridiculous how much I depend on youtubers and online authors for my sanity.

I'm going to fix the grammar on this, then post it. 

I honestly hope someone I know reads this and tells. Please. This is a cry for fucking help.

Mara, you said you would make a reddit and find me. I don't know if you did, but if your reading this, my grandfather is still alive. Please tell the teachers and get me help. Please. I can't do it myself. 

Fucking Gabriel, if your reading this, I don't give a shit anymore just call the fucking cops before I snap and do something. 

I don't want to die yet, but I don't know how long I can hold out for. 

I don't wanna die.

Someone help me please.",2.216062728598409,3.7554088138222887,4.008880973440753,87.72439745643186,76.51763046544428,7.458401663837825,24.851927995983843,8.227898612235593,1.4435145753149583,2655,91,572,47,59,896,248,709,0.198,0.627,0.175,-0.9918,2,2,1,0,0,3,139.0,0,6,5,3,22,53,25,1,17,1,60,23,1,12,8,123,128,53,3,19,36,5,2,6,7,7,3,2,2,0,38,20,0,2,21,5,2,9,31,32,0,8,13,7,101,21,65,100,11,59,0,2,2,19,53,22,10,22,33,372,139,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509966573722216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968990932638166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137133114016998,0.11368464280329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639278263368855,0.03270937658778126,0.0,0.07699123239295777,0.0,0.0,0.05321853626276085,0.0,0.07194123343302225,0.0,0.14258201752751345,0.0,0.1194179552983124,0.1054091560054479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776719104856413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059294823954496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734969564569145,0.0,0.05138518235509131,0.030168965183823164,0.0,0.040291191803011564,0.0,0.09709965650405457,0.04887471439444243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833582082218802,0.0,0.09269243282872376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049816804518454,0.0,0.04730633193958979,0.06683869602805664,0.0,0.0,0.04275569722745291,0.039790694845876086,0.0,0.0,0.2529925630980179,0.3892227894324415,0.04888080940980848,0.04487524475440211,0.1329295934590689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272399709027003,0.0,0.2508429816246491,0.0,0.0,0.046462687451458345,0.0,0.0,0.05007851797067788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175468469779322,0.0,0.20567071153623376,0.0,0.0,0.09906566146922828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712486671367638,0.09377087603483587,0.0,0.08279692910150807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03977033405353305,0.0,0.044263978572988,0.18735443504190752,0.0,0.04699638515599715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034388380737197036,0.10405941839318,0.0360793032151274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908730990086828,0.0,0.19019436265446624,0.0711559714147478,0.04977678132738573,0.05488576893475056,0.0,0.10131547336396564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053997660545439,0.0,0.0,0.044801915571884086,0.0,0.05043630940937237,0.0,0.0,0.09405281591163593,0.0,0.0,0.1403767458623456,0.15973624227639713,0.08990460848755455,0.0,0.04618920100032072,0.0,0.2649607782685628,0.0,0.04449810193713637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745545523551378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801857627785475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927238858543313,0.03601321336371641,0.0,0.0,0.06622166830042553,0.0,0.03735824052212389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226762818607085,0.0,0.0,0.03759966197998981,0.12266226908716635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031078280568288163,0.08992341603056045,0.0,0.0,0.08183266431107655,0.0,0.0,0.04469990236651357,0.0,0.0,0.10176552033887154,0.04569686150314888,0.04869920233573896,0.0,0.04040254557903013,0.0,0.0,0.08277544153563479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033230878137437525,0.0,0.11368464280329,0.030124521844213038
suicidewatch,bloodblush,2019/03/27,"Well that flopped. Don’t know what can be classed as an attempt these days, honestly. I positioned my noose (that I take everywhere with me) on my carotids and lay on my front, letting my head drop slowly as I went to sleep so that the more I drifted off the less aware I’d be of the tingling in my face and the numbness.

About five minutes in the sound of my fan behind me pulsates along with my heartbeat and I get so annoyed at the sound of it going on and on that I can’t drift off so I just sit up and kick my fan over. Funny that that’s what stopped me for the night.

I’m so tired of everything failing for me. How much longer do I have to go on?? Why don’t I have the tolerance to push through that pulsating and pressure??

Nothing works for me.
I don’t even count my attempts anymore because they’re at least weekly. I haven’t been in school
for five months and everyone’s preparing to put me back in there under the illusion that I’ve gotten better. But I can’t turn back, it’ll seem like I’m taking advantage, so I have to go in.

I’m so tired....
And my head still really hurts.",1.257078205637157,3.1815243406113574,2.6398511314013504,94.67588626439064,80.70305676855895,6.085033743549028,23.50952759031361,7.1686216300943375,0.7237842794759821,850,30,194,11,22,275,124,229,0.096,0.8029999999999999,0.101,-0.433,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,6,16,10,1,1,10,0,16,8,4,1,0,17,30,18,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,13,11,0,1,2,0,0,9,6,5,1,2,3,2,29,5,38,23,4,36,0,2,0,0,0,17,0,1,9,134,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605097313568295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489022515202225,0.0,0.09866104178470723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143141408209601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437857403820898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068990810461797,0.0,0.0,0.15465270486525146,0.14545855110376602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455890271577941,0.0,0.2759458535258545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322054930849993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326163704577466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894743099726457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655005509113054,0.0,0.07907076010917614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918553367467575,0.0,0.11897690633274725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188338904746415,0.0,0.15529752610722142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627019480005025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103683976521522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379882197089515,0.0,0.1473403453983836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196488994900424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129252026064408,0.1353121794673051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433791154382921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720409464749771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604415389301192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982470729455334,0.0,0.14552079388847616,0.1500347223573651,0.14604265089598992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782727542623755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justinhilton63oh,2019/03/27,Let's be honest. Talking about suicide is beneficial. ,3.846666666666668,6.370183111111113,5.831666666666668,61.26750000000001,106.7777777777778,6.2444444444444445,37.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,4.534066666666668,44,3,5,1,2,15,9,9,0.287,0.318,0.395,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6017020959041773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6436389485029316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729518915857729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rollingstoneidealist,2019/03/27,"There is no hope for me. I’m too depressed too live and too much of a pussy to die. (If somebody sees this I’m really sorry for the long post) I’m 18 years old and I’ve had enough of life, I’ve been hospitalized three times for suicide attempts. My parents are tired of me and deep down I know they hope i succeed one of those times. I can’t blame them for feeling that way. When I was a little boy (5) my aunt would would make me perform sexually acts on her and my cousin (also 5 at the time). She would force me and my cousin to kiss her everywhere and would make me penetrate my cousin and her with my fingers and objects. She told us back then that if we told anyone we would go to hell. She ran the communion (idk if that’s how you spell it) classes at our church so we believed her. I feel so fucking stupid and disgusted with myself for everything I did. I should be executed for what I did. There is no excuse for what I did I’m so goddamn stupid there is nothing I could every do to redeem myself. I deserve to be killed and shouldn’t be allowed to walk among other people. I tried telling my family when I got older. They told me I was probably making it all up. I told them around the time my cousin died of cancer (15). They told me I was absolutely insane and should never speak ill of my aunt after everything she has been through. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 16. My whole life as been depressing I remember wanting to kill myself when I was 9. I wanted to jump into a deep lake and drown. My family doesn’t care about me. My father hates that I’m his son. Calls me a coward and a pussy. Told me if I can’t handle life than I should just end it already. My mother likes to act sweet and act like she cares about me,but the moment I start being a disappointment (which is 99% of the time) she lashes out at me and starts ranting on about herself. My sister is happily married and away from all of this (she is the only one I like but she can’t stand me). My brother I fucking hate with almost every fiber of my being. He has made my life a living hell. He would always hit me,insult me,and demean me growing up (still does but the hitting stopped when I got taller and stronger than him). My friends I like but I can’t talk to them about much outside of shallow things. That has been my only skill faking it till I make it. My grades in school aren’t good enough for college. The only classes I have in A in is public speaking and history (I doubt speaking well or random ass history knowledge could get me a decent job). My English teacher told me if I did my damn homework i could do so much better. My guidance counselor has told me if I don’t get my act together I’m gonna be digging ditches for minimum wage. I have also hurt every girlfriend I have had by leading them on and never opening up to them. I found it really hard to have sex with them and could only have sex with them if I was really high or drunk. I used to dream of being a great writer or stock trader in Canada or Europe living among a bunch of hippieish people. Reality has showed it’s ugly head time and time again and I know my dreams are just what I use to escape or cope. Im gonna die tonight. I’m gonna play with my dog one last time and maybe feed him some chicken breasts. Finish up Skyrim,smoke some weed,and write my note. I’m gonna write three notes. One to leave for my family the second to leave taped on the parking garage ledge and the third on my body. I’m gonna say everything I had to put up with in my notes and I want whoever finds them to read them and then for the police to question my family and humiliate them. My family never cared about me they care more about what other people think. I’m sorry my post was super long. Goodbye and good luck  to whoever sees this (ideally nobody does). 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suicidewatch,thanksdood,2019/03/27,I think I need help I’ve been struggling a lot more with a range of negative thoughts the last month than I have before. I’m feeling unwanted in general. Reading some of these posts are helping me with the planning and courage to just disappear. I don’t have money to pay for therapy or counseling. I don’t know what to do or how to ask for help. Don’t even know if this is the subreddit I’m looking for....,3.568928571428572,4.5552494642857155,4.760476190476194,85.86785714285716,72.21428571428571,8.933333333333335,31.857142857142854,9.2995712137729,2.7083000000000004,321,15,69,7,6,106,57,84,0.138,0.718,0.145,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,1,0,18,19,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,1,2,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,6,1,13,17,3,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,2,47,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23241148240725634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154396786161786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420081035847225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570181517277698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999027110234773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732528681466544,0.20264570360260767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876501828926694,0.0,0.0,0.21135450480247744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843359838434774,0.0,0.0,0.1843369550690724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380942203591263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486715983458326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25989521564724616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843007088437198,0.0,0.0,0.15929561164613742,0.0,0.19736406268120024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WillXVance,2019/03/27,"Why keep doing this? I don't know if this is the right place to ask this, but I've found Reddit to often be a silly place, but also give some unexpectedly deep, intellectual responses, so I am going to give it a go. I am asking sincerely. I am a logical thinker and I want someone to help convince me that there is a point in waking up tomorrow.

A little bit about me. I suffered a brain injury that lead to permanent depression about 15 years ago. When I say permanent, I mean it. I *think* I haven't felt happiness of any kind in 15 years. I say think, because psychologists have told me that depression changes your memories, colors everything to feel worse. I might be wrong, but I remember the feeling all throughout that decade and a half. I honestly believe it to be true. Every waking moment of my life exists on the sadness scale, in my best moments I am 'okay' not sad, per say, or happy, just neutral. In my worst moments, I experience a sadness and pain that no one seems to be able to comprehend. When I explain it to people, they just assume I am exaggerating. Every night I dread going to sleep because I know I have to wake up to my life, every morning I cry about having to get out of bed and do another day. If you knew me in real life, you would never know this about me. I learned a long time ago that if you talk about your depression everyone acts concerned for about 3 days then ostracizes you as the unstable guy. So, instead, I act better then I feel. I am the friendliest guy in the office. Always happy and laughing and nothing is more isolating than that. I can't talk to anyone, ever, about how I feel. I laugh through my day and help others with their issues then I go back to my house, alone, and miserable. I would give almost anything for a hug. Not like a 'how are you? haven't seen you in a while' hug, I get those every day, but 30 seconds of feeling like someone else cared might make me a 0 on the sad scale for an entire day, and I can't describe how 'good' that would feel, for a change.

Someone might ask how I made it 15 years if all that is true, and there are two main answers, the first is that I tried to kill myself twice (sincerely). After that, the people who I cared about at the time told me suicide was selfish, so I stopped trying, waiting for a convenient time to die, some time that wouldn't ruin everyone else's good time. That sounds moronic, but it is a defining thing in my life every day. The second is that I distract myself. Almost every waking second I try to keep something 'happy' on. Music, friends, movies, video games, etc. When a movie ends, I always have this feeling of, ""oh shit, I guess I have to go back to life now."" Somehow, I feel like I have seen everything on YouTube.

Recently though, something changed at work. I am suddenly not allowed to listen to music, or browse Reddit or talk to anyone, so my entire day is spent daydreaming about suicide and trying to rationalize my way out of it. It's only been a week of that and I can tell I am failing. In fact, I keep a cup of final solution on my desk (to go use elsewhere, I wouldn't do that to my co-workers), just in case I grow a pair.

So, I ask sincerely, why keep doing this? Someone give me some serious rational. Anything. I am guessing this won't get much response, this isn't a very popular subreddit, and it isn't anyone else's responsibility. In fact, I assume it will get no response for a couple hours then removed for violating some clause I didn't understand, but I figured it was worth at least asking.",3.8177978021978016,5.1174979885714285,5.033714285714286,82.94982417582419,71.97142857142856,7.898901098901099,27.74725274725275,8.384062270229773,1.8989835164835165,2752,100,545,44,52,912,297,700,0.182,0.669,0.149,-0.9868,1,1,2,0,0,3,104.0,0,8,2,6,35,51,4,3,34,1,55,15,7,9,8,106,113,46,4,10,19,0,9,3,1,10,6,5,1,2,39,16,0,6,28,2,2,11,17,22,0,8,13,17,86,29,79,86,14,86,0,11,3,2,37,29,1,23,48,377,125,5,0.051918212201073566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204472510116232,0.0,0.1039771798983215,0.05377161012675508,0.0,0.041518975539665104,0.08640022326511433,0.0,0.0,0.035306164648087175,0.054440772325139344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890726338865483,0.0531963438104634,0.08544852984622163,0.0,0.24268259982264334,0.0,0.0,0.079843800925284,0.0,0.06329772054070207,0.0,0.0,0.05849404622480365,0.05448496060587859,0.04591743960308703,0.05668124102450407,0.0,0.0,0.05795789520007224,0.0,0.0,0.10586815501290588,0.0,0.16476775319840672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057446514300309524,0.05702971821144893,0.23438066248212566,0.0,0.13415124027684924,0.0,0.0538829074361166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011301288354932,0.0,0.04598412586834618,0.0,0.057902530563792014,0.0,0.04696299530961463,0.2624599979612132,0.09922015332846112,0.09332148284135344,0.050785973856496296,0.0,0.0,0.2100112644527582,0.07418076234039253,0.049849625575939215,0.05687386372411251,0.0,0.04416160477580218,0.0,0.05692563990472976,0.040111881957855665,0.0,0.10850049211950354,0.19921871992810256,0.1770378986972388,0.08709306630273347,0.0,0.0,0.1143875281009638,0.10281438529751456,0.0,0.2210716092131034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959936649887156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112898089061802,0.05990664620743611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541891247629208,0.0,0.18458917000827596,0.05743980947739288,0.05406482861767254,0.08559867494148425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335684340782224,0.07609384797374978,0.05203568802921197,0.0,0.04594598402709053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912626771450975,0.03465580979574142,0.0,0.0,0.05655415343242098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523105573489336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03816585975384888,0.0,0.04004252590572483,0.0,0.0,0.04872172511455932,0.0,0.049816924848856414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03518112424134018,0.03948613990315935,0.055244638288073585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719871024553257,0.0,0.10848696304388722,0.0,0.049079491979231456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909429182798946,0.0,0.0,0.05126297108877087,0.0,0.05881321357321272,0.044337869543424856,0.0,0.12386233856023762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726439047617582,0.0,0.0,0.05329329873964512,0.0,0.0,0.0519557069130134,0.0,0.1759605308680118,0.07993835249348058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340595014374962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358019496229875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518967702089445,0.045378805851572536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034492153225378436,0.0665341880258422,0.05100937988439342,0.0,0.15136963524824346,0.0,0.0,0.09922015332846112,0.0,0.14099623233429734,0.0,0.050716549309160426,0.054048689895412026,0.0,0.04484066580662844,0.0,0.04283796238092898,0.030622706710687824,0.041210260251352285,0.04164565816941758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369622230028546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559415365060904,0.0,0.05290909372985123,0.11064362502408943,0.056764414784380685,0.0,0.1003008793561216
suicidewatch,phreddit1,2019/03/27,"suicide-long story short-if I ended up committing suicide\ I'm worried, even if I don't kill myself, 

​

mal nutritrition and poor sleep,-->will succeed in pushing me past insanity  

​

if I ended up committing suicide, my last thought would be 

​

there no way to win, and even if I don't kill myself I will be broken soon anyway

too much damage has been done

​

I can't go on

​

even if all my dreams came true--which they likely won't

​

I'm pushed into a corner, I am a one man army, I can trust no one but myself,

​

and I no longer have the energy to fight or resist

​

​",29.423658536585368,8.815027016260169,24.032398373983746,32.30030487804881,51.19512195121951,26.226016260162602,78.57317073170732,12.161744961471696,10.042678048780488,525,21,89,5,2,163,78,123,0.181,0.6809999999999999,0.138,-0.7361,0,0,0,0,1,5,53.0,0,0,1,2,9,8,3,0,3,0,14,0,0,0,3,16,19,9,4,5,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,4,7,4,0,2,4,0,16,4,7,10,2,16,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,5,6,63,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.512187759852412,0.5744018735092355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600734835441693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375030592531969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304137922844953,0.0,0.0,0.10407485472104412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029850609602498086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162200867250759,0.0,0.0,0.04281408460823505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025660581894962047,0.0,0.0,0.04648210271657559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861119640617173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118326727778364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014011798872536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052561949789105694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490550046100655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169820296229155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169112035669395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533406894206202,0.0,0.03731155509530226,0.0,0.5744018735092355,0.0
suicidewatch,mrchimney,2019/03/27,"Lack of value has caught up with me My life became shit exactly one year ago. Boss says I’m not good enough, I thought he was nuts but maybe he was right. I am fired. Get a new job, fired soon after because I’m not good enough. Get an interview for PhD and denied, a few prospective advisors said “too shy and introverted”. Maybe they meant too socially awkward, but again I’m not good enough. Get accepted to masters program, prospective advisors go dark probably for the same reason. The masters will be extremely challenging, perhaps above my capability. If I am dropped for not being good enough one more time, I ought to end it all. Even if I don’t want to (which I kind of don’t), I think I should. Less than a handful of people will be devastated, but fuck it. I’m too flawed to exist, and too apathetic to improve.


And within this entire year of being unemployed and doing nothing, I’ve been in too much pain to enjoy anything. It is the root cause of my socially awkward demeanor. Cannot stand straight or focus on what people say because of it. Physical therapy came and went, doctors ceased all effort because I’m not getting better, and they make me repeat it over and over again just to keep me occupied. Don’t have money to continue it even if I wanted to, and I cannot improve even if I wanted to. If I am too deficient to do what I was trained to do, and too immobilized to act normal and improve, why in the world would I choose to keep living? Suicide must have been invented for this very reason, it’s perfectly appropriate and I don’t see any good reason to keep waking up to this shit time and time again with the signs so abundantly clear telling me there is nothing left for me to do but finish it.",4.5213412228796885,5.704708091715977,5.403091715976332,81.40905571992114,70.15384615384616,8.59191321499014,29.46794871794872,8.959647251330699,2.352248126232742,1357,52,264,25,24,444,173,338,0.198,0.713,0.08800000000000001,-0.9913,3,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,2,6,17,17,3,2,9,0,33,8,4,7,6,63,59,24,1,14,16,0,3,0,0,6,3,3,0,0,14,16,0,3,8,0,1,5,11,6,0,2,11,7,25,11,40,38,12,35,0,0,1,1,11,12,3,6,16,180,39,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807919650083715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619797476866394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500217558111377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667811927560972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060777344077859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424227226544362,0.0,0.09362803432254993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328779277843377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072484075568306,0.37669657777755977,0.0,0.1805954757699509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425939504437803,0.19047192444924416,0.0,0.05179815102923378,0.3822283111535617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044446246214727,0.2430338362330225,0.0,0.09491046308328742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990261492065862,0.0,0.06437635469221763,0.0,0.0,0.08048013668740897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083805387602735,0.0,0.1831289626931679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669999242728671,0.0,0.0,0.08802560001406781,0.0,0.0,0.08929989847418285,0.1749065900208835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352048009432902,0.0,0.09698161146257407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637290091817086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826659001060838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811277495904277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783484823842203,0.08669700044496678,0.144959698839384,0.0,0.0,0.07262844680250695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711209457019612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581576919334666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969465525539582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796622053127439,0.0,0.10422892486193447,0.0,0.0,0.058400172143882836,0.0,0.07235664006364774,0.15943705967982666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752017707458229,0.16127390111572654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448963203102973,0.0822415614276811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474472688156781,0.0,0.0,0.11738503756505272
suicidewatch,karinar1943,2019/03/27,"BF called suicide hotline last night Me(29F) and my bf(33M) had a fight on monday, i called him an asshole after some feuding. our food was cancelled and i was very hungry and angry, not a good combo and i can't talk bc i have laryngitis and he got mad about the way i asked him to make me eggs and it led to that.

The next day we text and i try to fix it and he gets angry, leads me to say i think after our evening show tonight we should go our separate ways. i need a break , i need my voice to get better and you are making me get angry and speak when i shouldn't. i have a big performance on saturday and need my voice. I get so upset to say that i won't go to the show that evening and gave him instructions. that i just didn't want to see his face. i apologize earlier and tried to fix it and he wasn't having it and it led to this.

He goes to the show, apologizes and texted me i love you sweetheart.

I go to bed, I see a missed call and find out this morning he's in the hospital after calling the hotline. He didn't do it, he was too scared and called.

I haven't told anyone.

Backstory:

Parents aren't together, he grew up with a step dad and bouncing from mom to dad. His step dad would hit him and he has 3 half brothers. His dad would neglect him.

19 diagnosed with anxiety depression

20something attempted to hang himself

His job lessened his hours since may and from dec-feb he had no work and i was the one buying everything. he would do all the house chores, cook , clean, he did it bc he felt he needed to not bc i asked.

His roommate sprung this on him a week or two ago that once his brother finds a job there he is moving out and everyone needs to move from their house. I told him he could stay with me but he has a dog and the dog cant be in my apt, they dont allow them.

after last night he thought we had broken up which i never said i just needed space and he felt hopeless about his future living situation.

I thought things were looking up he has a big interview scheduled soon for a full time job.

TLDF: BF almost killed himself last night and don't know what to do and i blame myself",0.4497297297297321,2.638635288288288,2.0119387387387384,96.45423243243245,85.75675675675676,5.3538018018018025,19.240360360360363,6.742157984588678,0.0485423063063064,1644,46,377,20,50,532,216,444,0.121,0.851,0.028,-0.9869,4,0,1,0,1,2,40.0,6,2,3,5,11,14,4,2,21,0,38,6,1,6,2,74,73,31,2,13,6,8,2,0,3,7,1,6,3,0,18,35,3,1,8,4,1,12,15,10,0,3,21,11,64,4,40,42,3,54,0,4,3,1,80,14,0,4,24,229,82,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138072065680627,0.0,0.08063434406314349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061601548504887686,0.0,0.0,0.05630508383758635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505603615822097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121798508239209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111261016329024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429281031985698,0.0,0.0,0.051932084654983335,0.0,0.06935622653328964,0.08173137090019819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437492075666963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637225460462683,0.0,0.0,0.07694526808006011,0.07237084678841063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463361726255273,0.0,0.14719712621031586,0.0,0.09737137711083736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828434895310462,0.0,0.1372929603373436,0.0675407073036239,0.06440334905572348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930108973456655,0.18583051114420124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397264719070732,0.0,0.08908918985590365,0.0,0.04425453747530898,0.19691632761517114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110521640005006,0.0,0.06762087723417769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267712619180776,0.0,0.10750237671725056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431012709583923,0.0,0.1711710625308796,0.0,0.3582504399614366,0.06210598929874755,0.0,0.08563945110426738,0.2267023023751404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575669729026811,0.05456595147855547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941369189405132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659789398492713,0.1280737232752869,0.0806197610410547,0.0,0.12833629860123544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661126773743546,0.09051368532032758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582913631902296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808148603669486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472309597117387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349735688876338,0.05159728908289277,0.0,0.12785600923342175,0.04695488475934873,0.0,0.0,0.15389053616012022,0.0,0.10934263384300713,0.0,0.07866140802605552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644171347916286,0.047495842289028964,0.12783429238179864,0.06459244870562389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862329600193111,0.0,0.0,0.1716083497804095,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sazzer82,2019/03/27,Ending it all I want to; I think about it all the time. But I won't. I'm just so tired of being a failure. Sleeping all day. I'm tired of being alone.,-2.7234285714285704,-1.0440393428571395,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,99.57142857142857,2.8000000000000003,12.714285714285715,3.1291,-1.7663142857142855,113,2,30,0,5,40,24,35,0.345,0.62,0.035,-0.9097,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,3,7,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332816496779796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20753057942796446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850140676887913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220265056102322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061926720528326,0.0,0.0,0.18764073319644525,0.7397099826695921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898025033300015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mooney16,2019/03/27,"Feeling this way is scaring the shit out of me. I’ve been struggling with depression for many years now and now I’m feeling like I should just end it all. I have things I want to do around the house but I just physically can’t move, it’s like I’m frozen.

I feel so alone, and I’m terrified.",0.115714285714283,2.19118120634921,1.7803174603174623,98.32857142857144,86.14285714285714,5.504761904761906,20.11111111111111,6.868970318607317,0.08567301587301568,228,7,56,3,7,74,46,63,0.23,0.623,0.147,-0.8582,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,2,2,0,6,1,1,0,1,14,13,4,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,6,2,6,11,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,6,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619769184986949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517655356306174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786297303019972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240360585529752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836929732645257,0.1807054641288349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918670007094825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471543597309561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564486653718578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26884274450698603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253244181572624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25964657088621834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644352374489103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804681862917395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491947576284978,0.20077764020324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288964402395506
suicidewatch,throwaway848273,2019/03/27,"Iv been so deppresed and im seriously considering suicide For some bqckstory, currently i am a guy,  17 yrs old, highschool senior
Long story short when i was 11 i was raped, and after that i became very introverted and shy barely talked to people and while i do hqve some friends, i havent even dared to get into a relationship, i guess fear if being hurt, iv been lonely for a long time, like i want a relationship, not just because of sex but just to feel cared but like i mentioned above im afraid of being hurt.

I guess i feel worthless and undeserving of love and im always thinking things like ""even if i got into a relationship with some girl i would just be a burden"" 

Ik i need help and need to get on meds but still what exactly is the point anyways

",4.731118421052628,5.423919348684212,5.9419473684210535,79.53463157894737,69.32894736842105,8.974736842105264,27.7,9.120678840339163,2.0849268421052627,599,19,121,11,10,201,94,152,0.187,0.664,0.149,-0.6407,1,2,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,1,2,7,0,12,5,0,0,1,32,25,15,1,6,9,0,2,3,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,5,2,14,6,14,16,3,15,0,4,0,3,10,5,0,7,13,76,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980975339741428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044779076397847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345523837239941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433010536480334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850313120548836,0.13345616648162034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195982601995868,0.0,0.1378979339738748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105548600699135,0.0,0.2907600415328629,0.13067121667711434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845682317748386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825535930362205,0.0,0.4276512895696661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934218770573854,0.0,0.0,0.2335788952829471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910823093598187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658910838823688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570841781878165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848049370284735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149149932353767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475446723262927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250597225517326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539154828042277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435394641712865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607262375070724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767511695433171,0.0845611562506795,0.0,0.0,0.07695286743629305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888921133139848,0.07783942552888551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374782239941214,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fierinTahyang,2019/03/27,"Can't wait for gun to come It's been a long time coming. Realizing as you get older you don't have friends, relationships fall apart, you keep going because 'tomorrow will be better'. I've never felt better knowing that I can countdown",2.8520000000000003,5.6070946444444445,4.177777777777782,81.14000000000001,80.33333333333334,6.2666666666666675,24.555555555555557,7.554174236665415,1.5393555555555558,189,7,33,3,5,62,40,45,0.115,0.8370000000000001,0.047,-0.4449,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,15,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,1,4,3,3,11,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210158978580362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993838190115177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863928410493351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27107452649355823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812218813814754,0.0,0.14750220882204856,0.0,0.16045076904225858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509418138939029,0.0,0.0,0.15515743605664098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498471296529793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177450406917302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30310943826780296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462491634129842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BreatheMyAir,2019/03/27,"Coping with low IQ I have always felt different from other people, my mother reminded me that even at a very young age this was the case. I'm slower than other people, i dont know basic facts about the world. Due to depression and not feeling like i could keep up with my peers i quit school at a young age. I'm a burden to people around me, so many want to help but they simply wont understand that it dosen't matter how hard i try, im consistantly bad at pretty much everything. 

I have started abusing drugs, its the only thing keeping me alive. The only happiness i find is chemically induced. English isn't my first language, hope it wasn't too rough to read.",3.9386363636363626,5.3880507424242445,5.023151515151518,82.5597272727273,71.87878787878788,7.704242424242422,25.32121212121212,8.238735603445708,1.5748430303030307,526,16,101,8,10,173,94,132,0.132,0.7170000000000001,0.151,0.679,2,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,6,7,0,0,7,0,9,1,0,2,1,20,20,4,0,3,2,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,6,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,4,14,3,14,15,1,14,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,8,62,23,2,0.0,0.1936908688277004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602410290510533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552720243861506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364946031736855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305213004138958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080057838333188,0.0,0.0,0.17079633902870273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159121093536127,0.0,0.1895788314084713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797354268604632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146920580822095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265775471290812,0.11678640712775668,0.1569614138221881,0.0,0.14941297661882574,0.1390515543934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740219306420598,0.1464412826679583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957369128229094,0.0,0.0,0.16236733076533946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658080216061822,0.0,0.0,0.2906077705300533,0.0,0.0,0.08984145741578876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986551435533944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573775666315668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017276433857345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486598554743041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399984628110542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631260958754313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387553857978078,0.1635190068805635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544519300739674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570828239327666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860537212620663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098863690099073,0.0,0.0,0.1701829990337103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488380429917876,0.09642165382064072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squeakers4269,2019/03/27,"Help please. Trigger warning. I was raped...or not...I’m not sure...by my ex boyfriend. This may sound crazy to some people, but I can’t accept what happened because I can’t decide if it was rape or not. Other bad things happened, abusive things, but how can I feel bad when other women have been through worse? I’m depressed all the time, triggered at least once a day, I’ve started just feeling numb. I can’t get past the first step of trauma healing because I can’t accept that it wasn’t my fault. It was my fault. I didn’t stop him sometimes. It was my fault and I’m gross. I’ve never felt this way with any partner, but I felt like I couldn’t say no and sometimes I literally couldn’t because it was so intense I couldn’t say anything. He would never ever think he raped me, and that’s what gets me. I didn’t do enough to stop him. I tried to talk to him, I tried to reason with him after sessions, I tried to...find a way to change things. He never saw it my way. He would say “I’d stop if you said the safeword” but it doesn’t feel that simple. Help please. Tonight is just awful. I’m awful. ",0.9560434782608702,2.9447875608695675,2.1621739130434783,97.37195652173914,82.08695652173913,4.173913043478262,20.43478260869565,4.3202899421422565,-0.4952173913043474,849,24,192,1,23,270,117,230,0.271,0.61,0.119,-0.9928,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,1,6,14,2,0,5,2,24,4,0,4,5,44,40,13,0,7,11,1,5,1,1,3,2,5,0,2,19,5,0,3,10,0,0,1,17,11,0,1,13,11,27,3,12,21,4,20,0,1,1,2,19,1,0,5,16,114,46,1,0.0,0.135171382623346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758131780511486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388175713867468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051145098661867,0.20863441084106574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068618943588065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357501301075113,0.0,0.0982607438824184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117879702674878,0.0,0.0,0.1031958894575859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305353200244356,0.0,0.21907786828850306,0.0,0.10427109317890564,0.09704014947658746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920880170696499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176895189040572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293676402418752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055735885045459684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26396681364084873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149618411832938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890648792863296,0.07909177234518115,0.0,0.0,0.2504608687733784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729778461980428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852040860632688,0.272173529685478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256648172654709,0.0,0.08074953975236115,0.0,0.0,0.28613905075506313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752321583229196,0.0,0.0,0.09169673545385504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737785832869675,0.07310068988784639,0.0,0.0,0.06652354281633664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323674976965441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716647075029888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626177061003955,0.16208459762694544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,freddinenage,2019/03/27,I want to die now I had another account and posted on here but I lost it. The only thing from stopping me is the people around me.,-0.9403571428571418,1.1819042500000023,1.8900000000000008,93.98000000000002,95.78571428571428,4.228571428571429,17.714285714285715,5.985473137389443,-0.193171428571429,101,3,22,1,4,35,24,28,0.248,0.713,0.039,-0.7311,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,4,2,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797314002285838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223780117108118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758402207614411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953144609889111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754209125744632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510596566347425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468263935283695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027620939669679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405872121531901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359732423687605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vimariz,2019/03/27,"Help I don’t know whether I should post here or not
I want to kill myself
I’ve wanted to do so for a while
My method would to be jump in front of a train. I took trains all of the time. It was most appealing. Now, I think I want to stab my self in the neck. 
Last week I tried overdosing. I survived. Unfortunately. I could never survive stabbing my self in the throat. I have no reason to live anymore please, I want to die. Why should I not be here anymore. There’s so many of us on earth. Why would anyone miss me",-0.8073333333333323,1.332030509090913,1.0009090909090936,100.94803030303032,93.9090909090909,4.024242424242424,15.515151515151516,5.6839178017228535,-0.9435030303030304,396,9,97,3,15,128,72,110,0.159,0.732,0.109,-0.3670000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,1,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,5,0,11,2,2,1,2,19,19,5,2,9,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,0,18,0,14,10,2,14,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,6,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397099042374375,0.1197567655731927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674607138009567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775240640840306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479943704172207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948614401239944,0.0,0.09412614117169277,0.13960884095751874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123555727249516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736420571291217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209486416173954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880042834672317,0.0,0.0,0.16403041146239208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760952603713394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35734631039801945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974363293261596,0.0,0.0,0.09986958092206714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028854197039474,0.11628186369515033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060180972018986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040806309508836,0.0,0.13738338015357213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090911344195413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433322122307306,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spinningintheether,2019/03/27,"Give me a reason to live Been feeling more alive for five days so far. After years of intense anxiety and depression, this is another spurt of trying to force myself to be happy, and for once, it’s been working at least a little. I can feel myself plateauing though- any inspiration would be welcomed ",5.839821428571426,7.390177625,6.095000000000002,76.3,67.39285714285714,8.457142857142857,31.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.8283,241,10,40,4,4,77,47,56,0.084,0.6809999999999999,0.235,0.8313,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,10,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,4,3,9,5,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,31,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694577679131905,0.2882633266140936,0.21030264112855346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729188352120842,0.0,0.2367764767715828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780018685077925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26371526558853464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926429712968669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755284301326344,0.2427473849259063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29276634065739915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28264956154437004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700941391165255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186643398122632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001351310168588,0.0,0.0,0.19528561686329066,0.0,0.0,0.17703070640288698
suicidewatch,pkawest,2019/03/27,"i just got broken up with i guess it didnt work out because he wasn’t doing well mentally and i wasnt able to help. i just fell so far back into depression, and i’m continuing to fall deeper.

my whole world went quiet. i have no friends or anyone to talk to. we met online and met up in person one time and it was the best experience of my life.

i don’t want to keep going.",-0.21712737127371184,1.7464066097561002,2.641382113821141,92.35307588075884,86.56097560975607,5.595663956639567,16.428184281842814,6.937597516519254,-0.17040271002709995,290,6,68,4,9,102,60,82,0.133,0.742,0.126,-0.1426,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,14,16,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,8,1,9,3,12,8,2,14,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,2,3,45,11,1,0.2441311979222525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707022099203229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772182188269165,0.0,0.14882011230954936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25620063052141906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026984304148752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388071566720525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861515792111191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874538578488,0.0,0.1952540207877828,0.0,0.2689380381059825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636359959024943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169950258642713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724370849097493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460268272350761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542961787718066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316594544643444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622340936448807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235486475955333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399490575577698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950326591032016,0.22631206631973824,0.0,0.2725637640524964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773041967593398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SkookSwooce,2019/03/27,Wrote a Suicide Note but Not Killing Myself You guys ever do this to just vent to yourself? I’ve written them in the past in tears when I have tried before but today knew I wasn’t going to make any attempt. I was just feeling so down and just grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down what I imagine I would now write. Proved to be very cathartic and seemed to calm me down a lot. ,6.211835443037972,4.880796987341772,5.854272151898737,88.26723101265827,66.46835443037975,7.9,31.14240506329114,3.1291,1.1728962025316454,298,9,66,0,4,92,58,79,0.065,0.815,0.121,0.6569,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,1,1,7,2,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,2,21,14,7,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,2,9,1,11,6,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,5,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107782572550392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516085170397849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674665198142944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950862283873242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804617595764754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927773839921821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32713471188174226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25138317135951804,0.0,0.0,0.19737388504083367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822674378269789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691830439788523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234344324304172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802774356646177,0.0,0.0,0.200752588930702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439733802843071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004811078544627,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TriaJace,2019/03/27,"Why isnt suicide ever talked about as a true option? Like, I'm sick of getting the same reactions everytime I say I want to kms. Just telling me it's not a good idea, and life is worth living isnt gunna make me change my mind. Idc if you like me, think I'm smart, etc. I hold everyone to the same standards I hold myself and I consistently fall short, while everyone else is successful. I'm failing myself, the one thing I had is gone. Idk if the way I'm thinking is just me trying to be right, but I'm honestly sick of life atm. I'm honestly just waiting until I move out of this apartment and have some money saved up so I dont completely fuck over my boyfriend. I love him so much but I dont want to see the day that I end up hurting him even more than I know I have, or he falls out of love with me. I can already see the light fading from his eyes and it sucks man. I just want someone to talk to that doesnt cost $60+ and going out of my way, disrupting my schedule, and that will actually understand. I'm sick of the concrete answer that suicide is always bad, because obvs in some cases it's not. I just honestly want the tools to know if I'm harming others, or if I am in a significant amount of mental anguish, and if then suicide is or isnt an actual answer to my specific problem.",2.7435454545454547,3.6424829454545455,4.619045454545455,86.43656818181817,74.0909090909091,7.827272727272727,26.47727272727273,8.238735603445708,1.5488727272727272,1010,35,223,16,20,346,148,275,0.135,0.662,0.203,0.9532,0,0,0,1,0,3,28.0,0,1,0,2,10,20,2,1,12,0,19,9,1,1,2,55,47,23,3,10,17,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,0,1,10,11,0,3,8,0,4,5,8,8,0,1,2,5,33,12,29,43,8,26,0,2,3,3,12,11,2,11,10,141,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.2298341629496005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995143721504054,0.0,0.09798601665504547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832494516968864,0.07178559573968066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457480007178268,0.0,0.12346945104487204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594566187676942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27602842709088776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837363350574704,0.0,0.10430068703358958,0.0,0.1313338810892596,0.07777957822166316,0.10652094790215083,0.0,0.22505005726030966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886751475622528,0.06152490483317408,0.0,0.06692590148018811,0.0987717661225575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606485406168835,0.1329370631472526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943598016299254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663551878272028,0.11506348437740507,0.0,0.10398451666766532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21256656606827312,0.0,0.0786059254828504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867470120085485,0.0,0.11890434966260142,0.0,0.0,0.125160579672687,0.08656738207769764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979743791349847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126807187188723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056666659761816,0.0,0.093647729989889,0.0,0.0,0.18767945105300665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977793376388933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864320179281099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930256294931108,0.10292770684896166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823472145528468,0.15091211132697238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995152470506088,0.0,0.0,0.12259264219780308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778323422215115,0.18694531540536852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626036891894908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,avenge_me_again,2019/03/27,"Am i in the wrong? Note: This originally was going to be posted in r/AmItheAsshole however on review of their policies, it does not belong there. I do still have a question that i need to ask and therefore will post it here. Unfortunately, it is formatted for r/AmItheAsshole. I would appreciate any feedback.

Disclaimer before i get into the meat of this issue: I am quite emotional right now and because of that i'm retyping this for the third time. Obviously this story is from my perspective and thus will be difficult for me to see it from anyone's perspective but mine. Therefore, this will inevitably be biased. Also, a heads up: i will be mentioning many issues about depression and suicide that are close to me and so i am using a throwaway account. Also (i'n not sure how relevant this is)  i am currently 16 and i am male in the UK.

Here we go :/

Back in 2017 (age 14) i was being bullied quite severely and i felt like nothing was ever going right in my life. Because of this i started self harming. I began to feel really terrible to the point of wanting to commit suicide. This was in my mind a lot because it was around the time that the first season of 13 reasons why was on netflix. During this period there was only one person in the world that i trusted, who was my best friend at the time. I ended up telling her how i was feeling and she recommended that i see a therapist. I refused and continued to use her as my person to rant to (unaware of any negative effects on her). When i reached a critical point i sent her a message that, in summary, read ""you have been a great friend and i would have been gone a lot sooner without you."" I then tried to take my own life (i will spare you the details) Fortunately for me, she had received the message and called the police. I ended up staying in hospital for depression and anxiety for four months in a locked psychiatric ward. I could not have done this without her. She supported me all the way. At this point i owed her my life. By the time i was discharged it was the summer holidays and i would not go back to school until 2017. 

When i do go back to school, re-integration is very hard for me so i stick with this friend and eventually become a part of the friendship group she is in. From my perspective, things are going completely fine. At the end of the 2017 academic year, everyone was due to take their GCSEs (British exams for 16 year old's), and therefore there was increased pressure. I was seeing a therapist and a counsellor to help manage the stress (and to keep the depression and anxiety at bay). I start to spend most of my free time with my friend and we become very close (nothing intimate just best friends). Until one day when she is talking with a bunch of people in the friendship group and i try to join in. Although i don't recall what i said it was likely a joke such as ""i'm back!"", however she asked if she could spend this lunch with just her female friends. I was fine with this as i know what social demands are, and therefore replied with ""sure, same time tommorow?"" in what i thought was a joking tone. I then sought out some of my older friends (we liked to call ourselves the IT crowd because we all did ICT). This was when things took a turn for the worse.

The next morning, after dropping my younger brother off at his junior school, my mum asked if we could have a ""serious conversation"". I thought i was in trouble (as i had been before when i got in a fight with one of my many bullies. She used the same tone as in the past) so i took out my earphones and was prepared to get told off. However, my mum revealed to me that she had got an email saying that my friend felt i was a bit too clingy and that i should give her a bit of space. After a bit of realisation i could see that i was hanging around her a lot and not giving her much personal space. I was relieved i was not getting a lecture about anything i was in trouble for, and went to school as i normally would. At lunch, instead of going to the art rooms to meet with the friendship group my friend was in, i went to the pavilion (exclusive area for the GCSE year) and sat with 'the IT crowd'. Unfortunately, in my time away from them (about half a year) they had changed a lot and where the conversation before may have been about video games, it was now a lot of sexual and racist jokes that i was not a fan of. However, i stayed with them for the rest of the week to give my friend the space she deserved. On Saturday, it was my friends birthday, so we went to a local town with two other people in the friendship group and i thought it was a really great day.

At the end of the weekend, my mum sat me down and read another email that the dad of the person i thought was my best friend had sent me. It effectively said that she felt it was awkward because i had been avoiding her and therefore would not like to be involved with me much more. The tipping point for her was the birthday trip that supposedly was awkward because i didn't fit in and had avoided her for too long. At this point i was bawling my eyes out, because this person had literally saved my life. The email went on to say that because of this awkwardness she would not be going to my dads second marriage to my step mum, and that i was no longer to a concert she had booked tickets for us for. My life very quickly went downhill.

At the wedding i managed to give my best man speech but i collapsed afterwards and spent most of the rest of the evening throwing up and my anxiety was really making me feel shit. She was supposed to be there to support me, which felt like a kick in the stomach. In the email it mentioned that she wouldn't know anyone there and would be uncomfortable, which i can understand but it still made me feel terrible. 

On the day of the concert, i sent her a message on instagram saying that i hoped it went well, only to discover that i was blocked on all social media by her. I cried myself to sleep that night because i saw photos from the friend she went with instead of me. It was especially difficult as i was the one that had found the concert but she said she would reserve and buy tickets, i should just pay her back. To make it worse it would have been my first ever concert. To this day i cannot listen to any of the bands that performed without having a breakdown, and i have yet to go to a concert. 

After all this had happened, i was really struggling emotionally and started to sink back into my depression, but she wasn't there to help me out of it. I stopped hanging out with the it crowd and spent all my free time in the school library, socially isolated. This had a negative effect on me, but the only other option i saw was suicide, which i was determined not to go down. I spent all my remaining time studying and working to the point of exhaustion, which had an even worse effect on my mental health. I made my way through the rest of the year as a shell of my former self, even when talking to my counsellor and therapist. I finished my GCSEs and no longer had much purpose. Summer dragged on and i spent almost all of it inside in my bed getting worse and worse. 

The next academic year began, this time working towards A levels (what gets you into university (18+), which is equivalent of college in america (i think)). I started studying like my life depended on it, not talking to anyone and almost becoming a zombie. I got so unhappy and was prepared to give up, but I felt like i had to carry on, just to continue in the cycle of education and move up one rung in the ladder. Much quicker then i anticipated, my ex best friends birthday comes around and my world slows again. I begin to realise how shit my life has become and how pointless it all now seemed. No one really cared about me, so i wrote a long and detailed suicide note to my ex best friend and decided that i should kill myself. Forunately for me my mum got home early because my neighbour heard our cat fighting outside. With a scream more powerful than any i've ever heard before (that i still hear in my nightmares) she came up to me and started to hold my body, calling an ambulance. I don't remember much but i do remember waking in hospital. My mum had barely left my side and my dad was making his way there as we spoke. 

I asked what had happened and my mum explained a lot of stuff i don't want to say on here, but ultimately i was safe. I spent another five months in hospital getting back to an acceptable state and i am now one month post discharge. Since then, my mum has had an email in response to my suicide note that explained that my ex best friend felt like things were too intimate and she didn't want us to have a relationship in case it distracted her from GCSEs. I still don't feel like this explains much because i didn't ever think it was ever heading in an intimate direction. The email also explained that listening to my problems was quite a heavy burden for her that she couldn't really take. I can understand this a lot more, however i was speaking to a therapist and a counsellor and she could always speak to me if she had any issues and i would happily change for them (like when i gave her space because she asked for some.)

I am much better now but still don't feel like i can put this behind me. 

So, tell me Reddit; Am i the asshole?",5.693336962438764,5.863686050081654,6.13388731627654,80.83017229178009,67.10560696788241,9.249406641262928,32.159989112683725,9.045936885302208,2.5789003157321724,7322,284,1453,118,110,2368,559,1837,0.13,0.7390000000000001,0.131,0.8523,8,2,0,0,3,7,189.0,10,4,6,21,79,87,5,9,118,0,159,20,9,25,17,259,291,110,6,30,31,15,13,11,17,20,9,22,3,9,98,97,2,8,39,20,13,34,31,31,1,15,133,42,255,58,247,123,48,256,0,4,7,0,188,107,2,22,116,1101,353,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419207196232237,0.0,0.0,0.06491807084345885,0.022515551591813177,0.0,0.0,0.09200644878009567,0.05674818752371232,0.062100999053576675,0.0,0.0,0.056761591923814574,0.0,0.02226754410453021,0.0722656903711709,0.12648422400427572,0.0,0.02542315538537097,0.14564881961617454,0.0,0.19794158467927853,0.1195397295388985,0.09210207461566199,0.0,0.1987798703748086,0.023931801129146155,0.08862542421858617,0.030056844047069493,0.0,0.0,0.08289188264928046,0.030948694184435323,0.027588816510450056,0.0,0.0572504206989132,0.023309238905004682,0.02837121958738713,0.0,0.0,0.10802346828744708,0.0,0.029723431586892817,0.06980418335324796,0.0,0.09322473353001788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02367982449090289,0.02769111565137493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087626606345688,0.0958662299023224,0.0,0.0,0.05361734763862809,0.1223836818748884,0.0,0.02585637393967936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209213959677157,0.038662418185428975,0.1558873494634797,0.0,0.0,0.04603334820817821,0.0,0.029669186808442813,0.3344958569916951,0.0,0.08482437900273987,0.12978899813813574,0.15378455406659186,0.0,0.08656735457311468,0.05966607029383712,0.0,0.0,0.047856997696665314,0.0,0.02423986767537769,0.0,0.05554141107008398,0.028762829717776838,0.030497860446823993,0.0,0.0362746314290044,0.0,0.02714274001548695,0.02687604574920364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472881121412898,0.0,0.02405159861600394,0.02993716786457305,0.0,0.0297422284187394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029400069102991526,0.0,0.13378976201740528,0.14541817791966738,0.0,0.0,0.047893356507854264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610342757337042,0.0,0.05120843319329155,0.054186990074166067,0.054867879017941636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027269466080426408,0.0,0.02732223546492582,0.0,0.06479555858786612,0.028759812727181824,0.13924217931424285,0.020064169356629604,0.0,0.0,0.05755586345964405,0.025393372239164862,0.026512423305020197,0.05192836310795948,0.0,0.028394241895270823,0.0,0.1283528378944832,0.06173957797005659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02930264526860356,0.025831216810718472,0.037519100252891735,0.11813592818679453,0.0,0.0,0.15347902475218048,0.0,0.07774614848656082,0.0,0.0,0.025892148924156918,0.0,0.02720212628599484,0.0303126711675781,0.08634286665015202,0.054133356618861365,0.0,0.104009496794612,0.027821524351392755,0.0,0.02905162130143012,0.06130595012120404,0.04621708377363155,0.07721893129823681,0.08607474282647913,0.0,0.13692756280753673,0.08625121230886483,0.024633821117719813,0.056457618766421726,0.030569369760377555,0.055552079470372606,0.02238377862850751,0.0,0.02707889760653918,0.08275081630175979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576375606179892,0.05768334555090001,0.10804818193430184,0.022622832972420605,0.030996400488511995,0.02828831375548205,0.030976488340577632,0.14799271592359425,0.06141327227811973,0.05100624495704412,0.0,0.06103580364175198,0.0652478552764223,0.047302139078545496,0.0,0.0,0.12567199009988486,0.053931100599757635,0.03467708500054571,0.0,0.08592842334982134,0.15778527892956865,0.0,0.0,0.02585637393967936,0.060127879569914985,0.036743052545512994,0.029432808672297087,0.026433058605074368,0.05633948709025715,0.06509814626519153,0.0701117857959086,0.0,0.06698040692207803,0.04788092716217656,0.0644353710490479,0.0217053829180819,0.0,0.02432961043945417,0.17559005657299384,0.024416859672767445,0.0,0.0,0.07825275973274648,0.0,0.03939906639678723,0.0,0.13787897583264053,0.1922218989250372,0.02958515756921325,0.0,0.10455202722879198
suicidewatch,supermalario74,2019/03/27,"I am so close to offing myself holy fuck Now that I have a job I can actually afford a painless self-execution. Now it’s just a matter of doing it, should I do it? Is there hope I can escape this cycle? Who fucking knows",1.5813829787234042,3.073779000000002,4.558457446808512,83.30875,78.14893617021276,6.402127659574468,20.26063829787234,7.1686216300943375,0.5121531914893613,171,4,36,2,4,62,37,47,0.08,0.731,0.189,0.4137,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,6,12,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,11,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.3509328381115333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6649174420589377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35717931885246057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568628791902246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976352657472763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751573799806456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xlegendofzelda,2019/03/27,"My boyfriend is feeling suicidal.. Hi everyone.. I’m new to reddit... I didn’t expect this place to be the first place I post something to, but here I am. I’m scared. Really scared. My online boyfriend, of one year, has been feeling very suicidal lately. He’s always struggled with depression his whole life, and recently, he’s really been feeling depressed again and has been talking about leaving this world. I feel so helpless because I can’t do anything to help. I talk to him as much as I can and try to provide solutions to his problems, but I know none of that will truly remedy what he’s feeling inside. 

His family is broken. His father doesn’t live with him anymore. He lives with his mother, brother, and grandmother who seems to have Alzheimer’s. He’s terrified of life. Always has been. He hates how there’s so much pressure in life and all of the expectations we have to meet all the time. He feels like he has nothing in his life that can convince him to stay. Not me, not his family, not anyone. He says he feels like he’s going insane at times and I can see how much he’s hurting.. He talked to me about everything he has been feeling last night and he didn’t shed a single tear.. I cried them all out for him. I’m honestly so scared and don’t know what to do because my words don’t mean much when he doesn’t have much emotional, mental, and physical support from anyone around him. He’s also introverted and anxious all the time. I recommended he go and see a therapist or psychologist or something but he refuses. He says that it won’t work for him, because he knows himself too well. I repeatedly insisted but he doesn’t seem to budge. I even told him that maybe he could see a doctor and have medication prescribed to him, but he doesn’t want that either. He says he doesn’t really care about himself or life so he doesn’t care about trying. He doesn’t care about anything and it scares and hurts me, because how is anyone supposed to help him if he won’t even try and help himself.... ",3.2216354723707674,5.163429871212127,4.179120617944147,85.84505347593584,74.78282828282829,7.3860962566844925,26.040998217468804,8.219915518859313,1.6657215686274514,1583,57,314,27,34,511,174,396,0.163,0.696,0.141,-0.9625,0,0,2,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,1,2,22,22,1,6,7,0,40,7,0,3,4,62,69,35,2,6,13,3,8,2,0,3,7,3,0,0,12,21,0,1,14,0,0,2,18,13,1,2,8,14,40,9,37,56,13,25,0,5,3,0,67,8,0,6,15,194,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833918406147474,0.12140276734912606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241428307663462,0.07234815621015613,0.15302788187517724,0.0,0.12006552294910865,0.06494218569833053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788191164630046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313635035308754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058245732667349386,0.0,0.08013365417779267,0.0,0.0,0.12566581580044706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466881819046299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206047202361913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636738344615116,0.0,0.0,0.06970816009305042,0.06556398723241944,0.0,0.1375441178576955,0.0,0.2950912360587434,0.10423294630336588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205239787297522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291988922902536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202437449520366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669329625657446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561919003446357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027649497417912,0.05946510306543072,0.08229232265691756,0.07724496725740299,0.0,0.0,0.2576385495417796,0.07128070872309827,0.0,0.1288347921046534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328945628085108,0.07946542812413293,0.0,0.07349083018631193,0.0735178223992666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681382534254819,0.0,0.0,0.07045688752833623,0.0,0.06845991868309427,0.0,0.06999880681924772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943373616346487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243730903816022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986724663407386,0.0,0.0,0.06980460858776613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402035465350007,0.0,0.07203067674511279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404157192286754,0.29214819050164104,0.0,0.17439839002190893,0.13282437438316794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123230570858596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775645370355343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762646111411412,0.0,0.1595939161194723,0.08278434992061293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590664305628592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470216304819247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276155911452453,0.0,0.0,0.06970816009305042,0.0,0.14858757429359096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060192520159174076,0.04302860800475774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559204254516028,0.0,0.0,0.08144759912276009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310946605102405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046978290337746524
suicidewatch,dfassna1,2019/03/27,"The obligation of having to be alive makes me want to be alive less My life has been generally good, I have no reason to want to die, I just do. I have great parents who have always loved and supported me and they're coming to visit next week. I have a great wife who I've been in love with since middle school and we just got married in October and we've been trying to have a baby. I have the best job I've ever had with good benefits, a very cool and understanding boss and I don't have to deal with customers. And yet, I want to die.

If everything is as good as I could expect it to be and I am in the midst of one of my worst depressive episodes of my life. If I don't want to live anymore now, then how can I expect that it will ever get better? The only thing that is keeping me alive right now is the feeling of how much it would devastate the people around me because they've all been through too much. My parents lost a baby before I was born, maternal grandparents died of cancer at a young age, my mom had breast cancer twice, my older brother is in prison, my wife's brother/best friend died a couple of years ago of an overdose and she has her own struggles with mental health and we just went through her having a miscarriage a few weeks ago.

In the past the thing that kept me from wanting to kill myself was the fear of what comes next. Now it's just the fear of the fallout for everyone else. If I kill myself I think someone else will too, and it's a paradox because I can't kill myself out of guilt for something that might happen as a result but that guilt makes me want to die more. I just don't know how much longer I can do this, and if I'm going to do it it's better to do it now because it'll be even worse if I have to leave a child behind with my wife.",5.423249336870025,4.3865873660477455,6.002879310344827,85.59880172413796,67.91246684350133,8.919310344827586,28.133819628647213,7.7348632917899725,1.4245184084880638,1395,35,314,13,20,455,172,377,0.147,0.738,0.115,-0.9447,4,0,1,0,0,7,25.0,2,0,0,4,19,25,3,5,23,1,45,8,1,8,3,63,71,25,8,15,11,7,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,20,23,0,2,5,0,0,5,5,11,0,2,12,2,40,14,48,49,10,35,0,2,0,3,20,10,0,6,20,225,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368481455291246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743678164899762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037587477756936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214814114002155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821470585387206,0.0,0.06896419425867492,0.0,0.17010559707738318,0.143357238274392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962794098392647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470865272087564,0.08967588033838322,0.0,0.0,0.08355488857981144,0.06980481883503713,0.0,0.4205648696338166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540710132345155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353013228153655,0.14662153131523809,0.0,0.07744294588985334,0.07283893749003846,0.0,0.0,0.1823986107509604,0.040979303205252574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261595451720271,0.0,0.042343200742781466,0.0,0.04606032124635179,0.203932670777156,0.06481990641527484,0.17870704778657434,0.0,0.0,0.0716687284094803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614813007691519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042566989715448,0.07203742700074685,0.2689962416741337,0.0,0.044540773417215226,0.0,0.0,0.0858160337554934,0.0,0.0,0.11449040241297945,0.0,0.0,0.07156512107314875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847130539319895,0.0,0.14629439578392367,0.0,0.1081976962440672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816753265960015,0.08597702032194023,0.0,0.09492011986947596,0.0,0.0,0.17873445137536706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238672483417355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054918881085518116,0.061639150784145974,0.0,0.0,0.1799840295821249,0.0,0.07736759726667025,0.05618710607874024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833288074323412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921285881419596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202289974666929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670421057949574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867003029944146,0.06239318625302768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472689776964751,0.0,0.0,0.0919700638041638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076867497680551,0.05193101754291092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055024928026421616,0.0,0.0,0.08437176574665096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687145486896236,0.28681825688528323,0.0,0.1300204583028558,0.0,0.0,0.07513047311551592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259281900598929,0.057572767751676135,0.0,0.0,0.052190980105736993
suicidewatch,DamselDistresstime,2019/03/27,I want to commit suicide over bad grades I am in graduate school and I have two C's in my courses. If I have C's I cannot complete the teaching program. I am very tempted to mix a concoction of medication to either permanently damage my liver or kill myself. My family is pushing to persevere because life is tough. I wish I weren't such a quitter or easily discouraged. ,3.576666666666668,5.3196313513513545,6.122702702702704,73.13288288288291,73.32432432432431,9.257657657657658,32.6036036036036,9.725611199111238,3.610241441441442,296,15,52,8,6,106,54,74,0.255,0.635,0.109,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,8,3,1,0,1,9,10,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,12,0,8,9,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,38,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24815911246909625,0.1811773166624273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31162050825925725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28018446581244844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288203891646704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099292081708423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994092269241032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007938138532143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251010427149956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903323606512119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523053939903014,0.17530298985143794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34177845318483624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BoeFloe,2019/03/27,"Raising money for a funeral If you can take time out of your day to check out our gofundme page for Harold Franklin that would be very appreciated by his family 

[Gofundme link ](gf.me/u/rrvtun)",8.680588235294117,9.436907647058828,7.698823529411764,70.14470588235297,60.764705882352935,11.505882352941176,37.588235294117645,11.20814326018867,4.413576470588237,156,7,26,4,2,48,31,34,0.067,0.836,0.097,0.2716,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34999340117031724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116045798437863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080391266644897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164498388167011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4477802390304099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385514981781162,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isitworthliving,2019/03/27,"I can't do this anymore, the suffering is too much I can't take this anymore , it hurts too much.
 But I don't know what to do, what if someone finds me and I end up with brain damage?  That's scary. ",2.067196969696969,2.360461022727275,3.5390909090909086,95.81196969696973,75.13636363636363,6.775757575757575,23.75757575757576,6.42735559955562,0.2977212121212123,151,4,39,1,3,50,31,44,0.28300000000000003,0.7170000000000001,0.0,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,6,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,8,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5800440747258196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264599114299675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25901516275466924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672849894925933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31306321771318896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071745269247745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299543022354109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24778358118442165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987859027088516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alger_Onzin,2019/03/27,What’s an exit bag and how do I make one? I just want an easy death so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advanced ,0.8991666666666696,3.0785715357142855,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,83.64285714285714,5.161904761904762,20.047619047619047,6.42735559955562,0.08017619047619108,105,3,23,1,3,36,26,28,0.11,0.536,0.354,0.7698,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,6,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269784841377653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971382008576421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4817344059689381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916647864363585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29608585541412985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022810864222941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577220173332535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103938363523788,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,password125,2019/03/27,"Got my test results I don't want to live anymore I got my test results and immediately started choking myself then releasing and then doing it again and again for a couple of minutes, I just can't I don't want to live anymore my home situation, school, no friends, shit brothers and sisters. When I get home I am scared when I go to school I'm alone. ",2.9286384976525817,4.721377661971836,4.3151408450704265,85.20163145539908,75.19718309859155,6.423474178403758,30.143192488262912,7.1686216300943375,1.7167727699530513,278,13,56,3,6,92,43,71,0.23,0.726,0.044,-0.8763,0,1,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,5,1,1,2,0,9,13,8,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,11,1,5,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,35,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143803635756344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857733120143918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520488244563865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502662597818776,0.0,0.10161554593985994,0.0,0.11053592093911972,0.0,0.3111106417377607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39018844026738586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34348508003802314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472330214168,0.3936783989457429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964619664214914,0.0,0.2186203911670204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376644752540816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294362357092685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZoeBDO,2019/03/27,"24 years in hell Hey there,

Im sorry for formating / language errors. 

As long as i can think of, my life has always been hell. It all started in my younger years. Beaten by my own mother, while my father stood some feet away just watching the scenario. I felt unwanted, not welcome and in the wrong place. 

I never understood why my mother did this. What have i done? I remember one day my mother scratched my face with her nails, got a nasty wound from it. The next morning she was kinda shocked, asked what happened. „That was you“, i replied icecold, not looking at her. She just walked away. Little me didn‘t understand back then my mother was alcoholic and thats probably why she couln‘d remember - but it broke my heart. 

Isolation has been my daily life since i was 7 years old. I spent all my free time in my little room, mostly crying. I never had many friends, i always have been the weirdo. 

I got bullied, thrown down stairs and creepy older dudes followed me on my way home. 

I never talked about this to anyone, because no one cared. My so-called parents never asked me about my day, they only cared about my brother. 

I must have been roughly 12 years old as i was sitting on my table, my feet were dangling out of my window as i imagined how it would be if i would jump. Because why not? Fuck this shit. But i couldn‘t move. My body refused to do what i wanted, do you know that feeling?

I sighed. I closed my eys, took some deep breaths and wanted to get off my table, as something caught my eye. My scissor. I didn‘t think at all, i took it in my hand and pressed the sharp side on my wrist and pulled it down. This pain was horrible! It burned fron the first second but... i loved it. I did it again. And again. And again. 

It became my daily routine cutting myself. I needed it. But somewhen it stopped being a pleasure. I needed something new. I went into out garage where my dad stored lots of stuff and found a cutter. Jackpot - just like a little girl that found hidden chocolate went back into her cave to devour it. 

I used the same pressure as if i would still have used my scissor. That wasn‘t smart, i had a huge open wound and got into shock. Suddenly there was blood everywhere and i panicked. I used a shirt to stop the bleeding and just sat on floor, still in shock. I cant remember much, but i sneaked into omour office and put on some bandage and simply put a wrist warmer over it so no one will notice. 

Someday i had to buy longer wrist warmers, those typical emo stylish ones. I wore them permanently. Also always had to wear long pants, it killed me each summer but no one should know. 

The day came as some girls in school asked my why i wore those arm things all the time, i told them i‘ll show them later. After sports i walked a little bit away with them and pulled them off. The look on their face was priceless, they stared at me and asked my why i do this - „because i love it“ was my answer and i could‘t help myself but had a smile on my face. 

When i think about it today, that must have been kinda freaky. But oh well, i am a freak. One day i had the glorious idea to cut a muffin into my skin and pour ink over it. It lasted some days. I loved my muffin. 

But hell still had some surprises for me. 
I developed misophonia. I dont want to go into detail, but this is the main reason my life turned upside down. 

When i turned 18 i made a promise to never ever hurt myself anymore. I got a tattoo which always shall remind me on this. Until today i kept this promise. 

But my daily life still was a struggle. Due to misophonia i had a lot of problems at work. Fun fact ; i googled about my problems with certain sounds and self-diagnosed me with misophonia. Finally i understood what the hell has been going on for so long. 
I couldn‘t keep relationships, i couldn‘t stand hang out with people, i couldn‘t be in the same room as my parents anymore because so much triggered me. 

I went into therapy, got medications. Yay. 

Medications made my daily life a little better. I could bare a lot more before i turn into a monster. 

But im still isolated. Im alone and lonely. Im scared to meet new people because everyone will leave me at a certain point - well tbh, i leave them. 
How can i bond with someone when i know, that at some point i cant stand them anymore? Why should i waste trying so. 
I hate being lonely but thats the choice i made. Its better for me and for everyone else. I know it, but i hate it. 
And this kills me. 

I always wished to have my own family. This is my only wish and it will never happen. It breaks my heart to let go of my dream. 

Lately i fell into an even worse depression. I once met an amazing man, i fell for him and he fell for me. 
He accepted me and my problems. It was hard for him and i always felt bad. We have been together for 1.5 year - for me it felt like an eternity. 

Someday he broke up, out of the blue. It crushed me. It‘s been 2 years, and i still think about him. 
The worst part was learning that he left the country and moved far away, 7 months after he broke up. The even worse part? He left with a girl he met at his workplace back then when we were together. 

Thanks life. I learned my lesson for whatever i have done. Please stop. 

I can‘t handle it anymore. It has been way too much for my little heart to bear. 
I wish i could die, i wish someone would run me over with their car.",1.5253060319337663,3.850200469101125,2.6037591168933574,93.08110881135427,82.23033707865169,5.170589394835403,20.51074315000986,6.42735559955562,0.18577265917602934,4143,119,862,38,114,1316,426,1068,0.17600000000000002,0.7070000000000001,0.117,-0.9967,3,6,3,0,0,3,150.0,2,2,11,6,42,61,13,3,43,1,85,38,21,10,16,177,165,67,3,29,23,9,11,2,1,12,13,1,4,4,57,55,1,6,28,3,5,26,23,34,3,8,69,18,174,27,111,73,29,172,4,7,6,4,63,73,6,15,69,601,231,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308693144425348,0.0,0.04175656278695533,0.0,0.032241729509034325,0.20128333552252625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993570842864133,0.028190792941503694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076492882259593,0.0,0.15151771860464125,0.09300454306538107,0.03366326067813363,0.12288525654143727,0.0,0.034307052008750664,0.0,0.0,0.07131474937361107,0.04401604850780914,0.04478343039479684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461122494979191,0.08221234684092017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657024800367416,0.0,0.044286659886233225,0.1300066127023491,0.0,0.034725230621161035,0.0409212098949873,0.04184299116571167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251718965474869,0.04725157425564615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03367992997955952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532583916033202,0.03646930522792124,0.0,0.07704981406405287,0.0,0.0,0.038007561426069536,0.0,0.020385637814772543,0.0,0.11613278914437075,0.04416563044949606,0.0,0.03429387400240698,0.0,0.08841167490674516,0.031149045258786943,0.03727269333631072,0.021064124734798077,0.0,0.06873975054118392,0.0,0.16122713565318414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130490885524368,0.0,0.036116380852207336,0.07960997185304293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332858059451306,0.02702383572196954,0.0,0.040441538250125794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316050252868833,0.045513323224217216,0.17419840596401898,0.0,0.0,0.035835867891406976,0.08921023585715887,0.0,0.08862933274637187,0.03286397982944295,0.04547966946158627,0.08538039673722661,0.0876097268371999,0.04122716989116032,0.17086380399162576,0.03939399165131728,0.2424511524835009,0.0,0.1070386229264712,0.06771275411400797,0.0,0.0,0.10282897775585216,0.1091638095398287,0.11444760966655625,0.0,0.04087541321807029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123087445873843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03218088347718154,0.08570181682535725,0.0889135613778148,0.059789532820206014,0.1865711192046373,0.07787739737132164,0.04287790496269198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590151222525887,0.08461244657213864,0.042936607707230325,0.16392027166412645,0.06132624543673024,0.04290044880338772,0.0,0.0895351787981162,0.08731941202575294,0.0,0.05590187752311948,0.0,0.042122996440217914,0.04425628733352237,0.07622575866899457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346886745082038,0.11573463075173546,0.0,0.08106004257876147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414528982922018,0.0,0.04328569088528248,0.1370149214139222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036464979001984,0.04080325910809232,0.0,0.0,0.0420597358179482,0.0,0.0413851281317443,0.03335088642748047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832143335391992,0.06207645311552476,0.0,0.045131915495563585,0.028536791801706218,0.0,0.1931846827575736,0.10112120196321396,0.0,0.04214839482385113,0.04615366161873364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0324055178093604,0.0,0.03711875219404997,0.04610634518686192,0.0,0.026785022029611184,0.10333478924030977,0.0,0.0,0.04701868263481165,0.0,0.07643217070195509,0.038524907032026434,0.089588005490169,0.027372799579149037,0.13156093198956822,0.0,0.041971730209497536,0.0,0.10446360483252763,0.0,0.0,0.07134056274995829,0.06400399078978464,0.0,0.0,0.07250018757402106,0.11212362051015312,0.2182805487966422,0.0,0.1854516168962076,0.0,0.0,0.02935147390786242,0.0,0.08217354433402609,0.11456101002998526,0.04408063742970171,0.0,0.15577811252249613
suicidewatch,AirRaidJade,2019/03/27,"Living in a small town sucks. I'm sorry in advance to the people who will have to be involved in this. I don't want to bring anyone else into this, I really don't. But my options are limited. I don't own nor have access to a gun, so that's out. I don't own a sturdy rope and there is no hardware store in my town (and I'm unable to drive to get on elsewhere) so hanging is out of the question. I live in a very small town/village so there are no structures tall enough to jump from.

The only option left that affords any reasonable chance of success is to step in front of a train or large truck. Everyone criticizes those methods because they bring the driver into it, and can cause trauma to that person. And I'm sorry for that. But that's all I have left, that's the only thing that's possible for me to do. So that's what I'm gonna do.",1.7353333333333332,3.1623796444444467,3.57777777777778,90.785,77.55555555555556,6.133333333333334,22.0,6.742157984588678,0.4392333333333331,656,18,145,6,15,221,98,180,0.12,0.846,0.034,-0.8598,1,0,1,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,3,6,3,1,0,10,0,17,0,0,2,1,19,27,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,15,8,0,1,2,0,1,8,7,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,27,24,4,26,0,0,0,0,5,18,1,4,0,99,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793767075444046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315477693019042,0.19276566536183676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468482927501543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932655919979808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716193823454258,0.0,0.0,0.1943928643663176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977023892666713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829232639569553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088166004587767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322517955976009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861689915428336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042852861949994,0.1642714797172136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209298207222024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107533001732487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052355145279435,0.1934332359062404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212015476175361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498796702913068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523037354835784,0.11096639376755506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pacisbackagain93,2019/03/27,"I can’t settle down My mind is all over the place I can’t settle down or really live with myself happily. I have a really loving family who do anything for me and vice versa. I quit my job recently (I won’t go into why) now I do nothing all day. I have bad anxiety and I was supposed to be going back to college but I just couldn’t walk in. I’m 25 and college kids were just everywhere. I’m in UK so college kids are 16 here. 

I just can’t be happy with myself, I wouldn’t say I hate myself I’m just not happy at all! It feels like I’m only here so I don’t hurt my family and friends. I couldn’t do that to them, but how scary is that. Say my mum and dad were not here, I don’t think I would be. I don’t want another job. I’ve lost interest in everything. I just sit inside all day doing nothing and I’m scared. 

I do get happy and laugh still but it feels fake like I’m pretending and I sort of am it feels like it’s temporary blocking out the depression. I just see no reason to live apart from my family. I’m going on a date with this girl I seriously like on Friday. I really want to go and I am doing but I just feel so shit at the moment and don’t feel any joy or nervousness from it. I liked this girl last year but because of me been so down she ended it with me which made me even worse. 

I’m struggling with erections and a porn addiction which I am actually kicking pretty well. I’m also a virgin, and I need a circumcision. I’m a mess, I want to have sex with her but with my mind the way it is and other things I’m scared she will leave me and again I will be destroyed.

I can’t see a way out my mind is screaming at me everybody to do something but I don’t no what. I come out of it on occasions and feel well. But recently been stuck in the house all day it’s awful. I try to get out but I don’t want to do anything and my anxiety stops me from doing near enough anything. I just don’t see the point in surviving like this, I get people survive but they are normally in the right frame of mind. I feel almost insane and I don’t want to live feeling like this what’s the point in struggling so much just to survive?",-0.5953388278388303,1.4519005405982917,2.1923626373626384,94.22942307692308,89.53418803418802,5.650549450549453,17.545177045177045,7.0958314945682925,0.105348473748474,1655,43,390,27,56,576,181,468,0.17,0.653,0.17600000000000002,-0.0849,2,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,5,26,33,3,5,15,1,49,6,1,3,5,89,91,36,0,11,23,2,8,7,1,5,1,3,0,4,22,30,0,2,10,1,0,6,20,16,2,0,8,14,62,17,49,72,7,52,0,3,3,4,16,28,1,4,22,263,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.07285943203072885,0.08139270123759137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476330060593425,0.0,0.0,0.0597072483050201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507727830935365,0.07828971377265298,0.11423259262964765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432162122906376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741054042757071,0.0623397285031731,0.04551331852895659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431478155557578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445261884115773,0.0,0.06430635076712574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612845296935739,0.07714589986827426,0.0,0.04931360786483874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710147439546273,0.0,0.21115432783146065,0.0,0.3020111780347945,0.16001584115251608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768374736874979,0.0,0.1170235851196594,0.0,0.16972875076227206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384375570370276,0.0,0.07371335888872516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615003028702453,0.07992731409547224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818121228305686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085957030989597,0.0,0.07905637547983081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553328890769353,0.0,0.1977839863447277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150249355829488,0.0,0.06738545337950029,0.07064707706785546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015497181522163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054885228632883774,0.05536099546298983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315299827336799,0.14328058258092502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678388566096385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176129402509968,0.0,0.07800599552523499,0.0,0.14115962044818084,0.0,0.0,0.07595818946151905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941232558926717,0.0,0.0,0.1434913446404844,0.07676506592494413,0.1474396178550314,0.0,0.0,0.06376101894941433,0.0,0.11874858516184265,0.14949955876793636,0.0,0.17848806328969824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663956490934344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057478526377206525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596252434230249,0.06242085238043151,0.0,0.15610605967651625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960217660561001,0.047840454076674685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069065978045145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201881825817313,0.11852658740056372,0.0,0.0,0.1342603752205556,0.0,0.06737092543120382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608705070056003,0.053037808269695834,0.0,0.0,0.04807993960260837
suicidewatch,upitnow22,2019/03/27,"My best friend tried to kill herself and now she won't talk to me. Names, genders, and specifics have been changed for obvious reasons. 

Last week I found out from my other best friend (who we'll call T) that my other best friend (H) tried to kill herself. We were at a club-like thing and this was after H left. 

T told me that H was discharged from the hospital earlier that day so, I texted her telling her that I'm here to support her and I understand what she's going through (bc I have depression as well) 

Last night T approached me and said that H was confused why T told me about her suicide attempt. 
This means that she read my texts and chose to ignore them.

I've tried talking to her and she just ignored me. T and all of her other friends say that H is only ignoring me. 

I don't know how to feel and honestly it's been making me more depressed. 

Also I don't think I did anything wrong by offering my support. I was also told by T that her suicide attempt isn't my fault or anything. ",2.9076470588235317,4.302762656862747,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,74.3921568627451,6.6686274509803924,27.946078431372552,7.1686216300943375,1.2936137254901956,778,31,168,8,16,248,112,204,0.16899999999999998,0.674,0.157,-0.5625,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,2,0,1,5,9,21,2,1,2,0,16,0,0,3,2,29,31,15,4,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,17,11,0,3,7,1,0,2,4,10,1,0,13,3,37,11,19,16,5,12,0,2,0,0,32,3,0,2,7,113,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014515482316212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537474056715791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546041853020777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501089634537888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915078998611445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263897355983064,0.0,0.19402129295719747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056950634104198525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349628188980888,0.3480799365409678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401193521725365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492234752139393,0.0,0.06190015669365266,0.18362187217101297,0.0,0.0,0.1223760949352917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518340879113916,0.0,0.0,0.12269036739891732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569844992476704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566247955020062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126634901018261,0.0,0.0,0.11580549329131115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713978521899983,0.0895702903177209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464044637467143,0.25562920999493083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106029396643286,0.09844621524936223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482836705633407,0.07217068489261069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32287700353765203,0.0,0.22941126111492285,0.0,0.0,0.11725493563655275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034740671135948,0.0,0.10127060267944586,0.0,0.10163377258974687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231465150194905,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,quick_account22,2019/03/27,"no one listens to me...   

(English is **not** my native language, so sorry)

i don't have real friends because i can't talk to them without them starting to annoy me as a ""joke"" like not caring about me and saying i'm just full of shit, because i'm in a friend group that doesn't take anything seriously so they just don't believe that i need to talk to someone.

So i decided to make a quick account to Reddit to ask you what i should do in my life because i'm 15 and i'm so lost i don't know what to do anymore. I have been so supportive towards my friends when they were depressed or just needed help with something personal and that's why i became the ""friend that you can talk to"" because the other friends were just assholes and i'm so angry that they can't return the favor.

I have been depressed for couple of months now, but i have kept it a secret and tried to act normally until two weeks ago when i tried to get help from my friends because at that point i felt empty inside and could not find a reason to get out of bed.

And have **thought about self harm** by cutting myself so my friend would understand that i'm serious and need to talk to someone i really don't want my parents to know and start to worry about me.

i'm **not** suicidal but i have gotten **tired** of nobody understanding me. so ***please*** give me advise",0.14045472136222514,2.5258450772058865,1.9949613003095976,93.50870743034055,92.71323529411764,4.33374613003096,20.76083591331269,6.05967700443912,0.21275588235294096,1039,37,215,10,38,341,136,272,0.16899999999999998,0.763,0.068,-0.9708,1,0,1,0,0,1,40.0,0,2,5,1,19,21,3,0,8,0,24,3,1,2,0,44,55,24,1,8,12,1,1,1,7,2,2,2,1,2,11,11,0,1,10,1,1,1,13,9,0,2,9,3,34,12,36,43,1,19,0,3,0,0,30,7,1,1,12,149,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520123382608298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532146764719948,0.0,0.0,0.07909546324921365,0.0,0.08985569530588844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929577921232941,0.0,0.0,0.1082900710357006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799689683550034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674098433014086,0.10635077440917436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556952689140814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228664869541013,0.0,0.08784848803271869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5198140971354022,0.0,0.10043352065160502,0.09220344088415808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884935867210756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564592681621864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788973196077293,0.046957532343197765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492221326462987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415832630482668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671905350885662,0.0,0.0,0.21380688806859915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417349274468008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065130841326464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672569287925786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392497998384435,0.0,0.1055067514989555,0.09086089979826684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940130616479476,0.061574514703769866,0.09882348706901166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643547965997091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027018447375914,0.0,0.09866192337017383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287793046445687,0.07399496554510188,0.0,0.10759424433814793,0.13606311702154328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513554946640508,0.10907155269762632,0.0,0.0,0.0722674391208122,0.30901832220502673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630554608114534,0.0,0.11047146096085927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305132145976662,0.0,0.09389158524386268,0.2001207591510009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669183958075456,0.0,0.07709863776840946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672994281914004,0.0,0.0,0.09265261064168852,0.0,0.0,0.09761069171891998,0.0,0.06827820827814679,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MehTree,2019/03/27,"Please, I need to chat I absolutely hate my life. I hate it.
My husband just asked if I wanted to go to dinner with a couple he knows I’m uncomfortable about his friendship with the wife.
I’m on edge and he knows that!
I know I said I’d try to be couples friends, but just last night I had a jealous outburst... you can’t let it go a day?!
I know he needs more friends. I had to tell him that I was good with him going and having fun and with their friendship, but to stop asking me to come along because I couldn’t watch their easy connection. 
I know they are just friends, but I don’t feel like anything is easy with us right now.
I think he’s going.
I have no one else. And I really CAN’T watch their easy connection right now.",1.350194805194807,3.081623889610391,2.5688311688311707,96.23753246753249,79.58441558441558,5.698701298701298,20.740259740259734,6.5431188927421005,0.010433766233766129,565,15,134,5,14,181,89,154,0.098,0.655,0.247,0.98,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,4,0,6,9,3,0,4,0,13,2,0,0,0,30,35,8,0,5,7,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,11,1,1,7,1,0,5,5,3,0,1,4,4,28,6,15,28,1,14,0,0,2,0,23,3,0,1,7,80,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601818077968012,0.0,0.26360283823702263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594280554444868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214456107248671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119932007373441,0.0,0.09092329990947956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777440819386993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128596855000978,0.10071931150916932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267726839145002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204988230595312,0.1182510586098047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783858911527759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874068035160905,0.1149211348615322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416614103373626,0.09958147878711976,0.0688778755767001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907635046632653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323043456080894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553470468385536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475857737016666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031824184169077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079988144125555,0.134108486757189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786930400684953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322661397050465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033713591448894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571917973108122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958692135879772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315627500010876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hopelessandwithdrawn,2019/03/27,"Can't handle the constant stress anymore Hello Reddit, excuse me if I appear new to Reddit, I am a longtime lurker and have posted maybe twice before. 

I wake up everyday with a stabbing pain in my stomach due to gastritis despite taking medication. I now rarely do anything besides lay on my futon every day, all day, if I'm not working or at school. I work at one of, if not the largest fast food chains in the world, and the thought of even working that day will condemn me to do nothing in order to have the slightest bit of energy when they put me on a 9 hour shift on back cash (drive thru cashier/ order taker). I hate my job with a passion and I can't stand the work (I'm overweight, can't stand for 10 hours at a time, often end up faking an illness to go home early or call-out if I just can't do it) now this job makes me tear up just a bit anytime I know I have to work. This job is only half of the problems in the mess of my life. I couldn't attend embry riddle despite being accepted as my first choice school, and I really haven't fully recovered from the news of ""you're too poor to attend"". My parents are dead and I don't have many friends (I moved from NY to FL) and then I have the other side of things. I've been dating my girlfriend for around a year. At about the six month mark, her younger sister who is 16, we used to go on double dates with everywhere together because I have a car and they don't because their parents are super strict Christian conservatives and won't allow them to get their license, began to interfere with my relationship. They aren't allowed to watch anything but the Disney channel and my girlfriend is turning 18 in a couple months. Anyways, her sister worked with us at the same restaurant and and told her parents a lie that I was a drug dealer. I proved to them I wasn't about 2 weeks later and I had been attending church with them every Sunday since we begin dating, followed by going to lunch and then going back to their house. This routine continued until she interfered and got her sister in trouble for things she never did (despite her doing the exact things she liked about). Now, the only times I am allowed to see my girlfriend is at work or at church, sometimes we go to lunch, most times we don't now. Forget about hanging out at her house. They disconnected their house phone so that we couldn't call each other. Either way, I'm just mentally drained and frustrated, I'd never breakup with my girlfriend and am actually considering proposing sooner than later, but this combined with working 35 hours per week, sneaking around to see my girlfriend sometimes even if it's just for 5 minutes, flight school (which I'm struggling to pay for) and a bunch of family issues going on, I can't do it anymore. Every day I curse the world for allowing me to wake up and not pass peacefully in my sleep. I'm too much a coward to end my own life but I'm also indifferent to death anyhow. I would like to end up in a car accident, or have somebody shoot me. Either way, I'm at my wit's end. I'm also fed up with people undermining my issues. I have no energy to get up to use the bathroom most times. I've been relying on everything I read about to maintain energy. I'll still feel groggy on 5 shots of espresso. I just want this to end.",6.050959274904642,5.727273980273143,6.558340647172213,79.76552475085103,66.4051593323217,8.945265143747694,31.164376819915514,8.27314431278463,2.200038887749661,2599,88,507,30,37,849,303,659,0.117,0.847,0.035,-0.9939,10,0,1,1,0,1,66.0,6,0,11,10,29,15,2,2,32,0,45,17,4,7,5,89,80,38,2,10,22,6,1,2,6,3,7,0,2,0,18,36,6,2,5,2,3,18,20,9,0,5,12,4,75,6,97,62,13,112,3,0,3,1,45,37,0,14,52,343,93,16,0.0,0.0,0.06380699850826436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104577820533221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969006368142694,0.0,0.0,0.10761369835039314,0.1164142479922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055511456294866,0.0,0.07971701580815199,0.0,0.05563840374924204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276847090790826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335321939596842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065869895060586,0.0,0.0,0.07234801900419606,0.0,0.168673435555107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582663833232994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895615558868232,0.0,0.0,0.08637325918603987,0.0,0.1652707840642369,0.0,0.05876443937756564,0.0,0.061639806521655814,0.0,0.03306096796468625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561703195555445,0.07906463225543182,0.0,0.050516819576037764,0.0,0.06832264552023629,0.0,0.22296115639764333,0.0,0.05229490698598994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455482906685775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558717527891883,0.0,0.1931751922389316,0.2263389118251453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364913389757199,0.1946556154962226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035934263588946386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923676888179588,0.0638882878141554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043645453797265366,0.06629082392343158,0.06568871102002212,0.0,0.0,0.0658692007241905,0.06589339361313452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438046308695012,0.06949463750713064,0.04806600331480968,0.0,0.10085894542039373,0.06314990394366363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273933013332107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430703370261314,0.09945752270301714,0.06957498099626122,0.0,0.2178092026003654,0.0,0.0,0.04533020253647357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262141386781475,0.0,0.0,0.06256527192419056,0.0,0.06573067507778732,0.0,0.0,0.0654033812903871,0.0,0.041887745385126206,0.0,0.0,0.07019975792224695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852141804214885,0.1042078540429786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408771595921361,0.0,0.0654329077560565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933623269125472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052217094096249306,0.0,0.07489908353746316,0.06835531680173912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916189927100402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303180351726863,0.0,0.0,0.051908931821826286,0.15250767961793127,0.0,0.0,0.062478825965669366,0.0,0.0,0.07112085147775746,0.0,0.0,0.0786509307275479,0.1129444799724351,0.0,0.0,0.03856617227431721,0.10380022976665222,0.1048969082069107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808124709763921,0.0,0.0,0.046448116034157334,0.0,0.0,0.042106238670748856
suicidewatch,throwaway1988881988,2019/03/27,"Dog stopped me but what now? So a month ago I found out my Ex is pregnant to some guy. It should be mine. I don't know anything more about it apart from that, as I don't want to know. I don't speak to her & I don't want to. It hurt alot, I can't deny that but I thought I processed it. Apparently she announced it on social media yesterday as I started getting messages from friends/family. I thought I could handle it. But I went out last night to end it, I drove 2 hours hoping the car would spin out or a truck would collect me. When I got to the spot where I wanted to throw myself off, I got a notification on my phone regarding my dog activating the security camera at home & I freaked out about what would happen to her. Then I started thinking about the people I would be letting down also its my Dads Anniversary today, I didn't want my death marring his memory of that. So I drove home. Now I just feel like a coward. I don't want to be here so instead I'm trying to be normal, while people try to give me their condolences. I don't know what to do now. Am I supposed to tell someone?    ",2.082064251537936,3.528695069264072,3.812185007974485,89.38564593301439,76.66233766233766,6.594759626338574,24.27910685805423,7.273561745256523,0.8779731601731595,855,28,190,10,19,287,125,231,0.087,0.8340000000000001,0.079,0.459,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,0,15,5,0,0,9,0,22,0,0,0,0,33,47,13,1,13,5,2,1,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,14,4,0,2,8,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,9,2,40,3,30,27,3,33,0,1,0,0,14,11,0,4,18,135,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320560097377565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212818980376152,0.0,0.2767435312642505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509295522297096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196459441122736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131115465543204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203919115509016,0.0,0.06457309578986617,0.09123475323770526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002543370408307,0.0,0.0,0.06672225596219256,0.1225093284264823,0.0,0.0,0.2042798046164536,0.0,0.0,0.12645118189621798,0.11293192667390428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562034454887177,0.12684304381447034,0.12576683786143464,0.0,0.1367142539000735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055523667780995,0.10409921616605193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059027216689936,0.0,0.062391768645137236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193545525805033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984548090096117,0.125126906773706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707355172953845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018241244508374,0.10820673114447887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078502201306806,0.0,0.0,0.10676976147107574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116225830921556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183024863716541,0.0,0.20277206828673272,0.0,0.0,0.12105242732675855,0.0,0.0,0.1734109499365616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766279830611728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838676741102667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628809234062513,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noya99,2019/03/27,"Time is running out I really did give it a try. Went to therapy and talked about everything. 

The DOC gave me some meds. They didnt really help. Even made it worse.

It was nice living in an illusion like that. That there is a ""cure"" for it. But somehow my demons still find a way to ruin everything for me.  My family went through enough trauma as it is... and i dont want them to suffer more than they already have.

Im grateful for the help i got along the way. So far ive met a few really nice people that have helped me. However most people ive met werent really that nice... they were proper a-holes... they dont deserve our attention :P 

I just want things to end as soon as possible now. 

Its been a really nice ride.  I wish you all the best of luck. This is the only note I wont destroy. 

PS. Lil bro if you ever find this. dont do it. love n

cya ",-0.9476795580110496,1.1630714033149196,1.706528176795583,95.72286408839778,94.63535911602207,5.768928176795582,14.974806629834257,7.24861992348623,-0.03563222099447483,648,14,153,13,25,222,110,181,0.124,0.722,0.155,0.7955,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,2,5,1,10,12,1,0,11,0,18,1,0,1,2,20,30,8,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,12,0,21,8,17,17,7,15,1,2,0,1,18,3,0,5,7,99,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842051416946013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163617255367568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410262512920384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110980766109329,0.1296077665351768,0.0,0.08284855820032648,0.11346303430284375,0.0,0.0,0.2254655721811033,0.0,0.118248845677266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292904239565814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032857095224116,0.0,0.0,0.10032173582051652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522290770570037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354911999822241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061281148600512175,0.0,0.1107613010772852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320988055606285,0.1186895205919915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932987939659425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539888196615587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392151035942885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140898532347956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017839947367623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017246078365524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081980876317488,0.0,0.0,0.1434457221716,0.0,0.08333336361509372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314208986607898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516205280587644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796948955465627,0.1991287455879557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325587891990248,0.0,0.0,0.14424392676188394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782886349613776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mr_Veso,2019/03/27,"I think I’m going to check out soon... I'm going to try and keep this up because I've always deleted post like this.

I'm  absolutely positive I will die by the age of 25. I've basically been a  shut-in most of my life. From what the doctors and my therapist have  told me. I have very serious depression and anxiety. Honestly, it feels  crippling but neither the less. I feel like I've tried everything. I've  tried therapy, medicine, mental institutes, reaching out to people,  focus on things like work or what I enjoy, working out, etc. But none of  it has really had any major effects. There's very very short burst of  where I feel like I can keep going, but the 95% of the time I feel like I  can't. I've basically dropped out of high school. Even though I do have  the option to finish it online. I have absolutely no motivation to do  so. There is no one around to call anything close to a friend. Whenever I  try to get close to someone it always fucks me up. The last time I  attempted was a few months ago, but before that it hadn't been for  somewhere around 8 months. I don't how many times I've attempted at this  point. I don't fail because I back out of it. I fail because the ways I  attempt it do not succeed. At this point, I feel helpless. I wanna say  to myself to keep going but I feel like that I'd only be lying to  myself. I think I might check out soon to be honest, but before I do. I  wanna set things up so I'm leaving something good behind. I think it'd  be nice to sell all my belongings and use all the money I make from it  and the money I have from work to give a large donation to a charity.

I appreciate it if you read to the end. Thank you.",1.8562331406551031,3.5048313670520272,3.913780346820811,87.54485163776494,77.81502890173411,7.156685934489403,23.38304431599229,8.021203637495839,1.174384894026975,1287,41,280,22,30,440,166,346,0.084,0.73,0.185,0.9894,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,0,11,13,20,1,0,16,0,26,3,0,5,2,48,53,17,1,3,9,0,6,6,1,2,2,1,0,0,20,15,0,3,11,1,6,4,9,6,0,1,6,7,38,14,46,41,9,42,0,4,0,1,7,21,1,5,19,181,58,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817576375922136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348795129393805,0.0,0.0,0.062720565701008,0.0,0.07055682586894065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758986452322689,0.16421113378284116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092031110810268,0.0,0.16867035315795362,0.0,0.1569643839840408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941786479954721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943883420475778,0.0,0.09572170950013917,0.0,0.0,0.09440282276791284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816897110313931,0.0,0.10286247483065816,0.060918019332174576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828917025427132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798100298068191,0.26356073646042555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125780873695288,0.08526651236993195,0.048187138934543794,0.08847683497107234,0.20966909070009773,0.07735938527436158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744761711757234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459387180807641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518096203481266,0.0,0.0976598147718538,0.0,0.0,0.06514581834825728,0.2703578391394977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061565225701546135,0.09350823927149153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294763364993636,0.09784301967625138,0.0,0.0,0.14723656669099924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062498434378480426,0.07014619278986105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394169168724856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437711130270034,0.0,0.08833225784362225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225643407193186,0.0,0.05908584455881565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334617076066133,0.0,0.09334317662749457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814742940146366,0.07100429541940237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491435042144108,0.10547472962942687,0.10708785112817906,0.12254898735701615,0.17729461496453466,0.09061695582899024,0.0,0.1613427442038415,0.0,0.0,0.08813112678381778,0.0,0.2504764689640964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796583813006705,0.0,0.2283018782236319,0.0,0.07320905177364304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014368366507912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fubargirl,2019/03/27,"Can't face failure again Throwaway, etc.. I'm in my final year of med school and have struggled with mental health issues for as long as I can remember. I've been to professionals, tried meds, tried therapy but it's the same pattern every time I get overwhelmed.

Right now I'm in the middle of final exams and have failed all the ones I've taken so far this year. I genuinely would rather die than go through this again for another year repeating and that's pretty much what I'm facing.

The university has been so unsupportive and I can't stand being around family members anymore because they keep pointing out my mood and asking me questions which I hate. I just want out, I can't stand this anymore, it's not worth it ",5.744397163120568,6.4555662765957464,6.002269503546097,79.93333333333334,67.08510638297872,8.819858156028369,29.85106382978724,8.841846274778883,2.2914170212765956,579,20,109,9,9,185,94,141,0.131,0.8059999999999999,0.063,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,1,2,4,0,11,3,2,0,1,20,21,10,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,3,0,11,0,15,16,4,23,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,1,11,69,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899633859973755,0.0,0.0,0.3007506587196562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498205172452865,0.141752745839896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243169574794666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736707305114786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910653471848522,0.0,0.0,0.12775406165407374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294242664787146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332204548464079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921994971085572,0.0,0.08617431532791958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970235046752248,0.0,0.1611746493571562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826139235813505,0.0,0.13477491649639836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418698746667204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368515092292937,0.0,0.15280647546834292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146483970013224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274780652978624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333851618467122,0.0,0.0,0.1542613126178689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985930085639725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176621895768218,0.12949042817789094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345675053101493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851566397262826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340109750777025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841615117401581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058924197807459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943477539102884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077129665683124,0.0,0.0,0.29293251904498063
suicidewatch,chainedbaby,2019/03/27,Idk I really need someone right now.. everything just sucks and I don't know what to do with myself ,2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.5,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.4129999999999998,79,2,16,2,2,26,18,20,0.206,0.794,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792196378062698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930412501902317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953724777791536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415914519835412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553630554675732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451791695241909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cyreb5,2019/03/27,"Kinda scared it doesnt go smoothly This is the day. Ive been drinking all night and when Im about to pass out Im gonna take every antipsychotic drug I have. I have about 2500mg of quetiapine, 2500mg of levomepromazine and about 3000mg  of chlorprothixene. Im scared that it will be slow and painful. Worst case scenario being found in time and turning in to a vegetable for the rest of my life or falling to a coma. ",2.1277906976744205,4.145850558139537,3.5583139534883728,88.69816860465116,78.30232558139534,6.16046511627907,23.540697674418613,7.1686216300943375,0.7436790697674418,332,11,72,4,8,109,60,86,0.16899999999999998,0.831,0.0,-0.9155,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,0,9,6,0,0,1,9,14,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,14,8,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146228820056408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968916913723167,0.2363939134557548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171747063583011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350403655034806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158490416838712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6605583527513983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398079564626334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191293453161441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690401154581404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081661012089845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326505324758946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886286933535305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217233518311504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CementSon,2019/03/27,"Can't work My whole life has been falling to pieces lately, and the cherry on top is that I've been given a month deadline to get a job.

To put this in context I am not a worthless slob who does nothing in the house, my father works long hours and my mom suffers from chronic pain, so if I'm not doing something for the house I'm helping with it, I also donate Plasma twice a week and give all of it to my parents.

I don't have a job because I suffer from anxiery/depression, which was so bad that before I was on meds I would just have attacks in my room doing nothing. I'm on meds now but nothing I've done has helped with one thing, and it's that every job I've worked has made me want to hurt or kill myself.

Between interacting with people, no control over when I work or what I'm doing, never being able to listen to music, I can't stop my thoughts from drifting to how miserable I am and how to stop it.

I also can't access better education, as I can't afford it, nor do I want to be in debt for my whole life, especially since it can't guarantee that I actually get paid better and don't hate that job too.

The only options I can think of is I somehow find a perfect cloistered off job where I'm left alone, or somehow getting disability, which I'm told is near impossible for anxiety/depression.

I don't know what to do, I'm miserable, I can't go to my therapist because our medical insurance is gone for a week, and even if I could I've never felt like it helped and I can't hardly talk about what I need to.

If anyone can give me advice, I'll take it.",9.810471887550198,4.860430388554216,10.198795180722893,71.2195983935743,62.88554216867471,12.873895582329318,40.016064257028106,9.516144504307137,3.6364389558232935,1227,41,263,15,12,422,167,332,0.158,0.777,0.065,-0.9854,8,1,1,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,9,15,15,3,2,11,0,37,5,0,4,4,44,65,24,1,8,10,3,2,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,21,11,0,3,5,0,3,5,16,11,0,2,12,3,32,4,38,49,4,31,0,6,0,0,14,14,0,9,13,180,53,9,0.08866522812102742,0.0,0.08652447253320128,0.0,0.0,0.08664263474708074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183043629967484,0.0,0.14181110178904205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061996789071460785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086949711559988,0.0,0.0,0.07403176193200509,0.10809900020336873,0.0,0.0754475786283683,0.0,0.0,0.15683437793942465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944559269510823,0.07079196989936455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527344621164189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759153863313943,0.0907353122774968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058562546952256475,0.0,0.07470427879189746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513252356072187,0.0,0.08103841219657566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897176651270446,0.17011153215363448,0.050390492432163765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794266287707837,0.08753855635063895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829130028018866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731738944910274,0.2046155376605272,0.09491796052142594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399327882049082,0.0,0.09809493806945994,0.0,0.04872809057927869,0.0,0.10001823930601804,0.0,0.09633502978445244,0.0,0.12525374552839394,0.04331735180626906,0.0,0.0,0.07846593675509547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389718268364414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969741605951841,0.08932088927683945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384364356385704,0.07077173917058548,0.0,0.0,0.0657441431787157,0.13676817992973292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552300330896562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008185324894784,0.06743390139424009,0.09434605408416592,0.0,0.09845224300608577,0.0,0.0,0.061469305185755635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913304376196536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334479294289986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825882439868562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825620175056498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666521702322432,0.07126575178453355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294716372037324,0.05890523776645708,0.056813098034957425,0.0,0.07039028712600695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472342513451774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459409756525896,0.0,0.14224379558914724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798312155857134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258197368279513,0.0,0.0,0.06298523412750498,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spare_ac,2019/03/27,"Typical girl problem post. Aaaannndd I’m back. Haven’t felt this bad for a while. But yeah. Long story short, friends with the girl I like, then get told that a mutual friend is getting with her. It’s complicated. She says they aren’t, but I think she might be luring so she doesn’t hurt my feelings, as she knows how I feel about her. 

Come to the conclusion that I might as well remove myself from the equation. She doesn’t seem to want me anymore, and no one else has ever made me feel that happy, even if she didn’t like me back. Life’s just a mess. Might go get a length of rope, or blow my wages on a load of drugs and od.",0.988286713286712,2.9338395303030325,1.9578787878787909,99.11066433566437,81.72727272727272,5.273659673659674,17.72960372960373,6.297961479604792,-0.50674662004662,486,10,117,4,13,152,92,132,0.113,0.7490000000000001,0.138,0.0879,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,0,0,8,1,11,2,0,2,1,26,27,12,1,3,5,0,4,2,2,3,2,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,8,0,1,3,6,4,1,1,4,5,19,6,12,19,0,12,0,1,0,0,15,2,0,6,8,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972813824676127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476902360042524,0.13447828526254949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873883875174467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677834564234372,0.0,0.13454487593223272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637854198283422,0.1456878963288617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443101674129912,0.0,0.15464275724025575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488689514672085,0.0,0.2524414436833291,0.0,0.09153405023693356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145125365172073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241794924809803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885143064842643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376136729557056,0.15737145897923902,0.0,0.0,0.14253293925432178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523987673833518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125772911099917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913835345071883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425085881762005,0.0,0.0,0.15411256837534415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280812933690078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662287987261785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320067772007524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389963221629552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949972992813442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481218856645964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_87,2019/03/27,"I don't know what to do... A few years ago, I was at the point where I was ready to sell everything I had that didn't fit in a backpack, quit my job, and jump on my motorcycle with no particular destination in mind. 

Shortly after I got to this point and before I followed through with my plan, I met the woman who became my wife. She is amazing, but also very easy to piss off. As of late I have felt like I am walking on eggshells constantly to avoid a fight. There is no in between with her when it comes to her being angry. She is either the happiest most loving person in the world or screaming hysterically and wanting me to take her to the airport. 

This has worn on me greatly over the last 6 months and, in all honesty, I have started to have ever so brief moments in the heat of a fight where I regret my decision to marry her. Even that thought crossing my mind worries me, but that is another issue all together.

More concerning than this for me is that, during our fights she backs me into a corner by twisting what I do say, or putting words in my mouth. I have started to feel like I am literally losing my mind, I feel like all of the fights are my fault, and that I have done something wrong even when I haven't. 

If I leave to give her space and get some of my own, she will take off walking with just a backpack and no money or anything with her. When I stay, things just continue to escalate to the point where she is screaming hysterically at the top of her lungs at me. I am honestly surprised the cops haven't been called. The last several times this has happened I have had extremely dark thoughts and tried to act on a few of them (self harm, never laid a finger on her and never would), but I always...for lack of a better way of putting it, wuss out typically right before I do any real harm to myself. 

I feel trapped, and don't see any other options. We are expecting our first child, and this has complicated matters even more. I feel like the only solution I am left with is removing myself from the picture permanently. At least with the life insurance I know my child would be taken care of... Even as I type this the only real thought I am having is that I need to make sure it looks like an accident.",6.623460791925467,5.543376808035717,7.072593167701862,79.04849378881987,65.51785714285714,10.112732919254661,33.09433229813665,9.20300075937882,2.635783074534162,1742,61,361,26,23,572,219,448,0.16699999999999998,0.7040000000000001,0.129,-0.9633,2,2,1,0,4,0,48.0,3,0,1,6,17,27,5,1,26,0,44,6,4,1,7,69,74,25,0,8,10,1,6,5,0,3,1,3,0,5,20,22,0,1,11,0,2,11,10,14,0,1,15,11,66,13,63,54,13,69,0,2,2,1,33,35,1,7,26,273,86,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265484185947666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456688807809073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681771616765644,0.097774064125818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673155320744213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169858709106569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868690336285676,0.0,0.0,0.08246640325806794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952121598159586,0.0,0.09506808348798904,0.0,0.0,0.08032112103913942,0.0,0.10076322626592904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954205952844451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634612264153624,0.08434419128955657,0.0,0.0,0.08380135198259754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858710081401792,0.19983977920044246,0.08952849637401653,0.0,0.0,0.07931297431749396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048715942211552725,0.08944777537771559,0.0,0.0,0.07457543973274412,0.10280141864632304,0.0,0.0,0.08245502395486512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732211232876202,0.09252990369895746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024885084635851,0.15201198838021646,0.10518286314697876,0.098731528744198,0.10130946439754514,0.0,0.06586072533355852,0.227770610567736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830115558881097,0.1043157583798238,0.0,0.0,0.08415600622844524,0.0,0.06224083944041109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824484219474433,0.0,0.07442616674222408,0.0,0.0,0.0691389616800238,0.14383045384748028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183194727344978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141673115654822,0.0,0.0,0.2644360756335576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747118143529184,0.0,0.09917606592729064,0.0,0.21226330310496214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962954077966193,0.0,0.07415106800735156,0.0,0.0,0.07430309170396583,0.0,0.09727342984042486,0.10533874823713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178349304203968,0.0,0.0,0.1319966262845394,0.09938529093160484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788100700420344,0.0,0.14021519369808647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061946916938545836,0.0,0.0,0.2220750531810005,0.05437110383031493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330629633346703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769357505774806,0.05499750208823373,0.07401244428335825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469342080526978,0.0,0.13247518267630912,0.10194725927188364,0.0,0.06004583324345938
suicidewatch,wheyooo,2019/03/27,"How to stop being a burden My Boyfriend has given me the ultimatum of going with him to therapy or him telling my parents, neither of which I plan to do neither, my mind is saying to just kill my self to get out of it. Too stop everyone worrying once and for all, I’m just sick of being every ones burden, I just want it all to stop ",0.9970000000000034,2.9959167000000018,3.481428571428569,87.91357142857143,82.0,6.2857142857142865,22.857142857142854,7.447530270364453,1.001,259,9,55,4,7,90,47,70,0.281,0.703,0.016,-0.9661,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,2,15,10,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,9,0,13,7,4,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457108412696364,0.2206664590832073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065300547126068,0.0,0.13124459402827499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554932429066208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331765841702387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459361986239916,0.1564862349527541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564238617414116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183647258122192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409135722301983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5792111985347616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184569502813826,0.0,0.2640921086505146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362103167694401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452375751856475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beautifulmadness13,2019/03/27,"I think today is the day I read online that overdosing on SSRIs combined with overdosing on painkillers like ibuprofen can lead to bleeding in the stomach. Sounds painful af but at this point I really don't care I just want to be gone. I don't think I was made for life, I think I was a mistake. Somewhere in the evolutionary line I was created on accident and after 19 years of being alive I'm ready to throw in the towel. I'm tired of fighting, I give up.",3.5464055299539154,4.859358387096774,4.690353302611367,85.09838709677422,72.65591397849462,7.894930875576037,28.3394777265745,8.418075326091056,1.9452961597542249,362,14,74,6,7,119,64,93,0.21600000000000005,0.674,0.11,-0.8908,1,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,5,0,9,6,1,2,0,11,19,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,5,1,10,2,16,12,0,16,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,5,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27130473657972753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161125387204046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552655344057688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795294994905812,0.13000208531287072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25178844610648904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831471283571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515487049201719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266170099251877,0.0,0.1704692498556661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115147332178405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30584060907432875,0.2522298746517403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695154745047962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135844515983303
suicidewatch,uniQxPhoenix,2019/03/27,"My girlfriend left me for another guy and told me our relationship was just faked. So my first ever girlfriend just left me. I feel so empty right now. She even said she only did not leave me earlier because she knew I'm suicidal. I feel so used right now 

Maybe I'll just kill myself soon maybe not idk",2.1844808743169395,4.422811737704919,3.2700819672131125,89.72566939890713,79.1639344262295,6.689617486338799,21.642076502732237,7.793537801064563,0.9017519125683058,240,7,50,4,6,77,41,61,0.175,0.7879999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9026,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,1,11,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,11,9,4,2,0,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,3,13,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20986380965353973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200323588101165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219031103279916,0.18103771653999612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239317953182634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023863223894994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981696591008829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142480218144686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191892697139136,0.4349044982945389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40213423566093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152215176138548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487501853279312,0.0,0.3418362310781555,0.19037858072972474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892022649514087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912419541695572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285634555986568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarylSnow,2019/03/27,"Looks like the feeling of death just stained on my mind. I have survived some tough times and also a failed suicide attempt. My life is kinda better, I won’t say it’s really good though. I’m doing way better and also more happier and productive with my life. But the thought of suicide never leaves my brain it just comes and goes every so often reminding that I should die or something like that. No matter what I do or distract  myself from the thoughts it just comes back and pushes me into the void of death. I get scared sometimes that I might actually kill myself because the thoughts are really deep. Right now I don’t wanna die and I want to do good with my life. But with these constant thoughts of craving for death might kill me and I have no idea how to overcome these feelings. It’s just like death is right there in the corner waiting for me to signal and it would just swallow me in a matter of seconds.",4.056440410418311,5.657478657458565,4.316231254932912,87.14454419889503,71.81767955801105,6.497395422257303,26.740726124704018,6.868970318607317,1.1721820047355958,731,25,141,6,14,228,101,181,0.251,0.609,0.139,-0.9849,0,0,1,0,0,5,11.0,0,0,0,5,15,13,2,2,8,0,14,5,1,1,1,45,27,17,10,4,9,0,2,3,0,5,3,1,0,0,11,14,1,1,7,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,4,4,20,7,19,18,2,17,0,1,1,0,1,8,0,7,8,104,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1176534748155852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283063397474312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270659109030056,0.0,0.0734949467223665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325885029849334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345897572134772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077111314517916,0.0,0.13028729844439213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25025365068033595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015807172945938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192197886594773,0.08613124026363574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298992933359912,0.0,0.0,0.20224741785736144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610254637804114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667733182947285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766030453826302,0.0,0.0,0.2554746298411913,0.17670504577284002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124374144012167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557995777074401,0.12173568741005765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929867073547412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447329954291078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592269876649832,0.0,0.09587765979175356,0.12070600938136727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928163748614658,0.11924128662557522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637557974019758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184539229823857,0.3828587048809167,0.07030207838716784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111201411271845,0.09569841870183723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564549936239835,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Honest_L,2019/03/27,"What would you do if the woman you have feelings for is fucking everyone but you. As the title says, my ex, who we still have feeling towards each other told me about her life as a slut. No commitment, free to fuck slut. Someone please give me some direction on how to over come this type of problem. I had no sleep in the past 48 hours and I am really depressed. ",4.1293150684931526,4.96716083561644,4.8135890410958915,86.55572602739728,70.78082191780824,8.031780821917808,28.298630136986297,8.238735603445708,1.7602295890410953,283,10,59,4,5,91,62,73,0.29,0.586,0.125,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,3,0,0,3,7,2,0,4,0,7,6,1,1,1,13,14,6,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,2,3,10,2,11,11,2,8,0,1,0,4,11,4,2,2,3,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084534641930332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842613879417804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312323770485437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24471542452480705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474327983188489,0.0,0.23213942236637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383119838218565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092510876879102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231007397987562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656329971404333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315523111088617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550253671528498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924406283151055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421653506412673,0.0,0.2050378398662624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325399611506366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312323770485437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190317061825588,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pace13101307,2019/03/27,"Wanting to go off the deep end. FIRST OFF I don't know what kind of rules ya'll maintain on this sub. This was mostly an impulse post.
But I suppose this text may be a bit crude. So be warned.

---

I've been depressed since I was around 11 y/o. (maybe longer but I was 11 when my psychiatrist grandfather came into my life and said that there was something wrong with me)
I've tried to kill myself a number of times and had to go to crisis care and therapy in a psychward for 3 years. I'm 24 now and it's been 5 years since I have been in therapy.

But I miss it.
I'm constantly living with the knowledge that I'm not good enough at the only thing that interests me still. I am aware that I won't be good enough to pass the school year and there's no do-overs at this school.
At crisis care and at the psychward I could just be and I wasn't forced to live with failing constantly.

So I feel my only option is to go off the deep end again, hurting myself and drinking myself into a stupor. And just see whether that will result in me going back into crisis care or into a grave. 

I don't know what I wanted to achieve with this. Maybe just wanted to know if anyone recognizes this.",1.7755432372505524,3.5428657560975623,3.1131855136733186,92.65862527716189,78.4308943089431,6.098743532889874,20.124907612712487,6.980632752743323,0.2293967479674804,920,22,204,10,22,299,127,246,0.209,0.7170000000000001,0.075,-0.9899,0,0,2,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,3,13,15,2,0,12,0,22,2,0,1,0,42,43,18,2,5,10,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,16,19,1,0,5,1,0,6,6,8,0,1,11,3,22,7,32,24,4,39,0,5,1,0,1,18,0,5,14,137,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901803250776315,0.0,0.0,0.10060134815474317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868964088447754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337579716435686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925139201984795,0.3456584872601043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442436555967741,0.0,0.09022793377813194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973338851360495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107051134959246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018362630630035,0.23353557049716586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714039313763484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612480416433386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569008897862323,0.1895720045710121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097772485293473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502694286771973,0.1176807566082758,0.18631922248407887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079821105932386,0.0,0.0,0.1995768025913144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270640579185577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189581242194504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082307151763828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074967740814686,0.0,0.0,0.2287408702065365,0.09005298565978596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869632708351056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699931215889256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024857615637788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846968479030474,0.0,0.07507769454547576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589604983121787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672521916860676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999656738352686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355683817091308,0.0,0.21832092458063385
suicidewatch,en0fd21,2019/03/27,Why is suicide hard? It looks so much easy in movies!! I must kill myself. There is no hope for me. But I still haven't found an effective and accessible method for me to do it. Ugh I feel trapped. Can somebody please kill me?,-0.7389130434782629,1.2947576086956545,0.5046739130434794,101.68570652173914,103.34782608695652,4.039130434782609,16.619565217391305,5.985473137389443,-0.5770782608695653,174,5,41,2,8,54,38,46,0.409,0.466,0.126,-0.9629,0,1,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,7,10,3,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,7,1,4,8,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894991423877706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013100389014232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617174442256776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729438606623544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080631243527079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076740258268405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201365687560746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016539087662694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194600216854494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005926065986832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479692141666179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qt0xy,2019/03/27,I need someone to talk to Life is hard i need someone to talk to,-1.9800000000000004,-0.1462713333333312,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,95.66666666666666,3.0,20.833333333333336,3.1291,-0.7256666666666667,50,2,13,0,2,17,8,15,0.104,0.8959999999999999,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29932776694200586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360160850987008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955277058023447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566238964080922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5371452539593218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Corvid-Moon,2019/03/27,"I can't take it anymore... This world is so cold, and I feel so alone... I've tried everything, but I can't seem to find peace... I can't save anyone, not even myself, and it's been such a long, hellish road through time up to this point. I'm so tired, hopeless, and there just doesn't seem to be a future for me. I can't rid myself of all this pain...",0.15740259740259788,1.5925707142857166,1.725974025974029,102.28038961038963,82.11688311688313,4.919480519480519,17.493506493506494,5.288315135182226,-0.9150207792207792,263,5,70,1,7,85,52,77,0.245,0.755,0.0,-0.9673,0,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,1,12,13,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,8,1,7,11,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990316197086224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26802080627198777,0.1889689082660268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785011889904492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428881901204908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664928582029165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700860334472716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391675863662937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875708743390292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554787732881203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920608593167105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319847961280246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758813780165384,0.3106189063974596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348572398760785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelylady6740,2019/03/27,"Too many reasons to live and yet I can’t find the strength Staying alive for the people who love me is the only reason I’m still here but the one person who doesn’t want me makes me feel so worthless that I can’t imagine living like this any longer. How could I have let one human being be so crucial to my survival? It’s been more than twenty-five years, I know things won’t ever change.  How have I let this become my life?",2.582571428571427,3.8494068444444447,3.322063492063496,94.145,75.0,5.142857142857143,20.63492063492064,3.1291,-0.4051746031746037,336,7,74,0,7,106,67,90,0.058,0.812,0.13,0.5343,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,5,1,14,19,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,10,3,4,12,1,5,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312583204730871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317234195432472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418661319266912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410853485908607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459511533375952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759530002500512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641423156714656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607720983507876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947463455662835,0.13633376240577574,0.09429845829024787,0.0,0.3408754623023718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174205566368425,0.0,0.12884048533066106,0.1956891539480214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615869113114504,0.1467982845861124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338138290889382,0.16853518125006098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39690767416673994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573066227064915,0.1541437918635888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823205655414724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384655034747836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429675381512095
suicidewatch,HuhWhaBuh,2019/03/27,"I have no value outside of being raped This is what genuinely believe after 8 years of suffering in silence, being rejected and living in misery. Was it really all that bad, I could have just kept my mouth shut and still had human contact and I hope one day it's a murderer who will just end it",3.150338983050851,5.0118864067796665,5.0120000000000005,80.14613559322035,74.76271186440678,8.109830508474579,25.359322033898305,8.841846274778883,2.113214237288136,234,8,43,5,5,80,48,59,0.339,0.59,0.071,-0.9681,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,9,2,1,0,1,9,11,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,4,1,5,4,1,8,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30503359807873914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41159952280273454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916846597993715,0.0,0.0,0.23560632005197246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235721493974271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628531089303944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225912936831695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24755568957818225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340384545553241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917513915178537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525923715958424
suicidewatch,JezerezehElin,2019/03/27,"What happens if you call a suicide hotline so im on suicidal crisis number three this week and its getting pretty old. what can i approximately expect when i call a crisis/suicide helpline? 

i tried to call one a few years ago and i got as far as the woman who took the call asking for my name and age before hanging up in a panic and proceeding to hyperventilate for an hour. so yeah that was fun. ive been to a bunch of therapists since but the only thing that has done was desensitize me to talking about my feelings, but id still rather be prepared. good old anxiety, eh?

dont know why i expect anyone to answer this, i just want attention i guess. dont wanna subject my internet friends to my ramblings again, ive made enough people hate me already. im a horrible egotistical person and i do deserve to die but i cant bring up the energy to do it",2.686608863198458,4.541452497109829,4.732277456647402,81.6766435452794,76.05202312138731,7.387899807321773,26.562235067437378,8.238735603445708,1.8497895183044317,674,26,132,12,15,232,113,173,0.166,0.72,0.114,-0.9268,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,0,8,5,1,1,11,1,14,0,0,1,0,22,26,14,3,6,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,7,1,18,3,19,18,3,19,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,2,11,91,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605888864574237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320322473907093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915288009586971,0.0,0.0,0.08365920884479541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118527837529452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180986518558846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886874442423773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417357482235054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243931585991047,0.2804482532365125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362621824955827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060496571874343534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243814063790724,0.0,0.0625100547536176,0.0,0.0,0.10035332074343092,0.0956917717145876,0.0,0.1318034693676178,0.0,0.10580249150774228,0.0,0.0,0.11812557516920187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782712990643435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584762488805144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575426836511053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321186198096048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25109653188315273,0.0,0.08107517153739012,0.09099611325769497,0.0,0.1403787074203894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829474157790996,0.10447020197937336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172291365121275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897234102585044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554938589327792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926196499569764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616685801504143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891813428812982,0.07948743252938678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293101894726184,0.0812317255995783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705702632603996,0.0,0.09597273972005453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796183264767244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704804943473152
suicidewatch,Jakeyosaurusrex,2019/03/27,"This is it Welp, whole bunch of shot got leaked across social media and im not gonna be around to take the aftermath of it all. Its been real yall.",0.4836363636363643,1.9998331212121239,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,81.42424242424242,5.612121212121212,14.030303030303033,6.42735559955562,-0.9300424242424241,115,1,29,1,3,38,30,33,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427598425471976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079450220859433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159003054495011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382503663199495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924913277734137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894959189974677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298741403753243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bored_bch,2019/03/27,"Life's so boring. I'm so bored and sick of life. Life's meaningless we all just die and the world will end anyway. 

Im not depressed just bored.
I can't tell anyone about this because my friend has already had another friend almost commit suicide and I don't want to put that burden on her again. 

And my other friend is just having a super rough time and depressed as hell and i don't want to make her feel worse or make her consider it.

And my family is out of the question because they will probably just think I'm insane.

So I'm alone.

These feelings are like a trance and sometimes I snap out of it but now I can't. 
My happiness never lasts and these feelings always come back.


But these are just my thoughts and I just really wanted to tell someone.
",2.0233982683982674,4.187647616883115,3.1256883116883145,90.93900865800863,79.32467532467533,5.9248484848484875,21.305627705627707,7.03164865440522,0.5411321212121211,599,17,123,7,15,192,90,154,0.194,0.708,0.098,-0.9047,0,1,0,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,1,1,14,13,1,0,4,0,13,4,0,2,3,39,27,17,2,3,10,0,4,1,3,2,4,0,0,0,8,14,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,2,4,16,6,11,23,1,13,1,2,0,0,11,4,1,3,8,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449836100440497,0.1499560223056979,0.15977643393661853,0.0,0.120474668478582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518221539188391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123867706065272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133252997538724,0.0,0.17652204148111406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472147609253233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494102536248059,0.0,0.15026640359734675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823861119588656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649262172444349,0.0,0.2196264937656384,0.10343610713857623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355870273225929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412881948378626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639517663147998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802100947584455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068027477899703,0.07073578255129828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329335217977545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116689251770731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610524482860427,0.0,0.0,0.14555127076741714,0.1621949608794885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275447974894536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267784630944592,0.0,0.14319838494131126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837385387105402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25310103998907324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927738834691352,0.0,0.11494497784945573,0.08442666435386037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561979795515115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475506725728509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strangedigital,2019/03/27,"Would a fresh start help in your case? Let's say there is a program. You are taken to brand new location with no possession, no history, given a new name. Your friends and family are told you died of an aneurysm. You have a small room and a basic job assignment, all your basic needs are taken care of.

In my case, it will probably be enough. All I need is some books and maybe some drawing material.",2.8143761301989163,4.79922830379747,3.897504520795664,87.22050632911396,76.08860759493672,8.05858951175407,23.943942133815554,8.841846274778883,1.677794213381555,312,10,65,7,7,101,57,79,0.095,0.7709999999999999,0.134,0.5106,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,0,2,12,18,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,8,2,6,10,5,7,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,3,42,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416420273198763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459733994450966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24488914977997295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342688292919133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310919794021568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885921520891896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351905360578124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24235330326812599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381030177582347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514718768736502,0.0,0.4578011188420452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555310889358296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847560341840935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775310495666992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646809135717486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836129717245565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BagboyGM,2019/03/27,"I’m scared of the pain Not sure if this is right or not, but I’ve really really been depressed for a while. Massively. I want to end it all, but I’m scared of the pain of whatever I choose to do. I don’t know what I expect from this post. But I guess I just want to know I’m not alone.",-0.3727272727272748,0.9307693030303064,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,83.24242424242425,6.824242424242425,15.545454545454547,7.793537801064563,-0.24625454545454506,218,3,60,4,6,76,39,66,0.277,0.6509999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9445,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,18,12,6,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,8,11,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368150822828525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693810500634107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20251829033103574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518865607288497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25132292178947285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866048656916448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898593609537872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29296135515079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952680271135888,0.0,0.0,0.4578421796886154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155023210035789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26973039461977605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShyTsumiki,2019/03/27,"Everything is so dark. That one sentence about sums up how I feel right now. I'm really, desperately struggling to hold on to the last shred of hope I have, and I can barely keep grip. Things are extremely difficult right now and I'm suffering so much that I want to end it all. I've made plans. I think about permanently putting myself to sleep almost constantly and I just need some encouragement to keep trying to live. Even breathing feels like too much effort.

Some context: 
I've been diagnosed with CPTSD, BPD, and Clinical Depression. I also have Chronic Pain and some medical issues I'd rather not get into. I have spent my entire life being abused; from very young my father physically, mentally, and sexually abused me. I was beaten up so often and so badly I still have scars from it. I haven't seen him since I was 8. After that, my mother took his place and continued to abuse me in the same ways, but not sexually like he did. I think she blamed me in some way for what he also did to her and took it out on me. I've also dated several people who have done awful things to me and after all of this, I am a broken wreck of a person. The years go on and I try to kill myself on six seperate occasions and I am a chronic self-harmer and spend a year in a psychiatric ward. Overall I am extremely self-destructive. Things only get worse. Long story short, I simply wonder what the point in being alive is anymore, if this is all I have. It's like I'm living in a nightmare and even though I have moved away now, the people who have hurt me are mentally still with me every day. I have Psychosis as a symptom of my mental illnesses and I see them and hear their voices all the time. I have nightmares every night and I wake up in full blown ""fight or flight mode"". It's horrible. I just need some kind words. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help me.",3.260473637176048,4.881779412868635,4.475621983914209,85.11972430741734,73.90616621983915,7.76153708668454,23.157193923145666,8.447377352677275,1.3398050759606788,1463,40,297,26,30,481,202,373,0.16899999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,4,1,44.0,0,0,2,3,23,16,3,1,13,1,30,12,3,2,4,57,55,30,1,6,8,2,3,3,0,0,9,2,0,1,18,21,0,3,6,0,2,5,4,10,0,2,11,7,46,6,41,42,13,48,0,3,2,0,17,22,0,11,22,206,64,1,0.0,0.32240651855757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082647341063692,0.0,0.0,0.2176067170649136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990703860378535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521894303023925,0.0,0.0757336507006802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423790849821118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801828234910796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849626683117967,0.0,0.07812280906204183,0.09206216373594643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282119278145036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033639668967688,0.0,0.0,0.11981763932885645,0.0,0.15284325560340106,0.0,0.08151847538296456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172485032487693,0.06479861297333768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477769133736808,0.0,0.051548900808247984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222945942648796,0.0,0.060796657659773476,0.0,0.0,0.09008906160001696,0.0,0.0,0.09709999437745287,0.0,0.0,0.09467090960224372,0.0,0.16124291270491425,0.1003500062862292,0.09445375848230614,0.049848282614584086,0.07393547502229729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640665787578558,0.1329394751128926,0.0,0.16018574025131002,0.08026976112725777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858258639578237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137425413404687,0.2742234440784766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640348749818628,0.13335504769476872,0.13451102189585584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511910930773994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614630527311307,0.06898411438952458,0.09651494059482507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576480057376482,0.07919881526403982,0.09476587337665847,0.09956522745293804,0.08574414458284793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911820903081713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810699765356547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492062135588566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227896219628685,0.0,0.18924710659822971,0.10246916012553488,0.0,0.07503088923579868,0.0,0.09076902522419412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487189683902935,0.0,0.0,0.0948230131865192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942756872730998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077816541267952,0.1162383066272223,0.08911574809575552,0.0,0.05288995206254611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154989677426707,0.1231634725969114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483990342808136,0.05349928627685199,0.14399246490913145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836409853267168,0.0,0.0,0.09243463612947644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116820186388473
suicidewatch,Justanotherhuman97,2019/03/27,"Feeling suicidal with intermittent feelings of positivity and happiness. I’m considering seeing a psych...does anyone have any experiences similar to this. had an attempt 2 years ago at putting things to an end, have been feeling good since, starting to slip back into those thought patterns and hopelessness. I feel very emotionally unstable, I’ve just said bye to my friends as I’ve deleted all my social media apps (except Reddit but I don’t view it in the same light as insta/twitter etc). I’m starting to hate people in general, becoming more isolated as time goes on. 
I’m sick of life.",6.078888888888893,7.922444481481483,7.0472222222222225,68.58250000000002,67.14814814814815,10.585185185185184,36.64814814814815,10.686352973137794,4.56145925925926,476,25,77,14,8,159,85,108,0.175,0.73,0.095,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,1,15,18,6,1,0,3,0,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,8,4,3,17,14,4,13,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,0,8,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729873695883486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270767110256967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645236778072187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005714976953327,0.0,0.0,0.2155261848717581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951579486593234,0.1728436467824117,0.0,0.21764216132387265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908926778750735,0.0,0.0,0.39469177817281503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507712460763309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368130202502235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773920573073212,0.0,0.1926687408340224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783915592026194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529139757164088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617814165833375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856309109033389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550808757221274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142885480584535,0.0,0.0,0.1989293188837656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27625422373100544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346078379033326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964799126378498,0.0,0.0,0.15492610973831838,0.11379265898556418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101794910370065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256692350242
suicidewatch,toucss,2019/03/27,"Has anyone survived a suicide attempt and felt guilty that they survived? I'm not sure if guilt is the right word to use here. Nor is survived for that matter, but. 
I've read a lot about suicide survivor guilt, in the fact they survive and feel guilty for the pain they've caused their friends and family.. but never about someone failing and feeling bad about it.

I attempted to take my own life. I took an overdose and went to sleep, hoping I would never wake up again.
But I did wake up and that haunts me. Whenever I think about it, I am reminded that I'm such a failure, I can't even kill myself right. 
I don't feel guilty that my mum found me and then had to spend hours in a hospital by my side.
I don't feel guilty that she then had to tell my family members I wasn't in a good place and what had happened. 
I don't feel guilty that I upset a lot of people with my actions. 
I don't feel guilty that for weeks my mum and her partner had to keep checking up on me. 
",4.6154269293924495,4.405499931034483,5.016366995073892,89.22813013136292,69.39408866995075,7.948932676518884,28.24671592775041,7.1686216300943375,1.2403632183908044,758,23,171,6,12,241,106,203,0.23,0.63,0.14,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,0,3,7,8,11,1,3,10,0,16,5,3,2,4,37,34,16,3,3,5,2,7,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,11,10,0,1,9,1,2,3,10,7,0,0,10,7,28,4,23,23,3,21,0,1,0,0,10,11,0,4,7,114,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976095145654387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912679864481815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656546016589644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423480620813336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26900062713918715,0.0,0.432841451888951,0.0,0.13698937763574953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643463500415256,0.11022954900302212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966815007492405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616611327112634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170743654946308,0.14050511293582427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681517275998547,0.15784759987489286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077483862112202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259260058212986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007790989051065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181515466483447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891216081586593,0.0,0.14906392352270606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271257144485353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436855677158971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277699927347984,0.0,0.12088718487636745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121243146737367,0.0,0.13446852056149056,0.0,0.10727306331345683,0.0,0.12470333126154695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141971382789403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851602126514386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322449427960284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144444462309724,0.0,0.0,0.13226019201914055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135148897841167,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GBAOAT,2019/03/27,"2019 A series of unfortunate events this year so far.  Long story short; I almost got myself runover multiple times this year since I started crossing roads like it was nothing. Fortunately I barely go outside and I’m slowly starting to feel better. however unfortunately it’s not like those thoughts haven’t gone away at all. I’ve been lurking here and across other subs for a long time; I was too scared to post in that time as well...who woulda thought, even on a burner account too? Here goes nothing. Hi.",3.0172344497607635,5.9019268000000045,3.552918660287084,84.97224880382775,81.0,5.559808612440191,25.47846889952153,6.980632752743323,1.2935263157894736,406,16,72,5,11,127,76,95,0.105,0.8109999999999999,0.084,-0.2263,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,13,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,7,1,5,3,10,6,1,22,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,12,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012859692731426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18885878647651586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778009263352906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276751129205572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016384579890258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424059610067508,0.0,0.16076884719203927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641007074946495,0.0,0.0,0.35578121807669993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857557211770941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251535373724465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012495659543065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628043232475462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845567591294573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191645079395947,0.3516377395031456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807352641083123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588921882011457
suicidewatch,BooBooKittyF-ck,2019/03/27,"it didn't work So last night i did it, i took some pills, i reached that point of ending it all, but it didn't work. People say after surviving suicide they have a new sense of life, they regret it, but i don't. now im just the failure that couldn't even kill themselves. did i not take enough? not the right thing? is it just 'not my time' ? i reached out to people and they say 'they don't need this' 'i'm stressed enough' 'now you just made me worry' im such a burden it hurts. i still feel exactly the same as before i did it. i just don't want to be here. you may think im attention seeking or looking for sympathy, but i don't know who else may just listen to me without judgement other than the internet",0.6653863134657811,2.5599198211920537,2.245933774834437,96.89018101545254,82.57615894039735,5.351169977924945,20.00044150110375,6.42735559955562,-0.05629041942604873,547,15,129,5,15,178,88,151,0.195,0.718,0.087,-0.9651,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,4,3,12,5,1,1,6,0,15,2,0,1,2,30,26,7,2,4,13,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,14,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,7,5,19,0,11,15,5,13,0,2,1,0,10,3,0,4,9,90,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311282475461492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287312647723322,0.0,0.13648737857865928,0.31845419538217906,0.0,0.10178198284551826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791788583524463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496786311905973,0.0,0.4993652258484955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048946508350665,0.0,0.08468965127965468,0.12561254407192016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088458002783013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940567993467347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458136992514284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426363096305713,0.0,0.1488313049770605,0.0,0.14461295969298354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136678847333309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567486226434506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316010573533662,0.0,0.2450939402162469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306492601141213,0.0,0.17652169913688398,0.0,0.0,0.1685610281387169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115864461649565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237758109708882,0.09874143237501347,0.0,0.0,0.08985729019005753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121141971167075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089251747203472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485474645708651,0.0,0.22437412199992068,0.15649662399614875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostVengeance,2019/03/27,"Posting to get off my chest I know my family and friends don't use Reddit so I'm going to post here because I just want to post something online so in case if I **do die**, people will know the reason why.

I just want to fucking die. I have no motivation to do anything. I just wake up, go to class, then cry myself to sleep. But I'm too scared to actually die. I'm scared of dying but if I don't die, I feel really really hurt. I don't want to see my mom cry because I killed myself, but if I don't transfer the pain to others, will I just continue to get hurt?

I have no friends. People only talk to me when they need something. Why do I keep trying to make friends with people but then they just choose to ignore me? Why do people keep away from me? People that I used to communicate with a lot now ignore me. I just want to fucking die but they don't even care to me at all. Maybe when I go they'll appreciate what I did to them. Why do I feel like an outcast in a group of friends?

The thing is, I can't even communicate to them what I feel. I painted an image to my family of having many friends. My friends are just really shallow and call me aa pussy for showing my emotions. But I want to fucking die because no one appreciates me for who I am. Nobody treats me with respect and people will always shit on me. I don't know what to do but I'm scared of dying.",0.027667081776669992,2.119546739726029,2.4896762141967663,92.97296596097969,86.73972602739727,5.183229555832296,19.122457451224577,6.574015621080383,0.044535159817351566,1056,30,240,12,33,362,122,292,0.226,0.628,0.146,-0.9877,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,6,1,16,23,5,3,7,0,24,8,4,5,1,47,55,19,9,9,17,1,3,1,6,4,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,4,9,1,0,3,10,13,1,1,1,4,48,10,39,50,2,19,0,2,1,3,17,7,4,4,7,161,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.06658091894144083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677136025887392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056146027037521334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410267620647693,0.0,0.0,0.12477390314219228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966866009965154,0.0,0.06956323654092628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989103294836004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5664811194693219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674758528145961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012821638724984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863902260040955,0.0,0.10349474256639296,0.048742267368708736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31627780788992177,0.1892277218229696,0.0712928774209377,0.0,0.11632704114172256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607948134301374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128878693138286,0.07548443728058776,0.0,0.11248936702105444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03333287109337051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058005208688286035,0.0,0.0,0.04554287914141178,0.06917272520875048,0.06854443628507846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990808857061785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059037448829157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623322031214622,0.0518906500228843,0.07259965643838212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838052199201124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603137797766965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112627040898533,0.0701499927933481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049251083904496,0.0,0.054369072713852884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003530657203287,0.0,0.0,0.06827751233032064,0.0,0.0,0.10505086298175396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483927383719255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04532781011117792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04632249546643398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785458400701755,0.0,0.0,0.20121391462610289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462614928567108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cloverfence,2019/03/27,"Someone please listen to me being pathetic Just like the title says I need someone to listen to me being pathetic. My life is sad and I need to complain to someone, I try to talk about little things with friends but it pushes them away and makes them feel awkward. I feel like I'm on the edge, please someone just listen to my cries without judgement",4.764117647058826,6.234811882352942,4.984588235294119,83.54864705882355,69.88235294117646,6.616470588235294,29.776470588235288,6.742157984588678,1.6617141176470591,280,11,50,2,5,88,41,68,0.18,0.6709999999999999,0.149,-0.3468,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,12,3,0,2,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,10,3,12,10,0,4,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752587484539756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20490341740481746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886386042638651,0.13326290385027348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441189251756334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175742401364476,0.18226625207924016,0.1869602487717709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451567503367388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766313745802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095257822370657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834263757388452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322127345876196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993231277698374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239276694884984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664717077587306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981613645700867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_upvote_me_daddy_,2019/03/27,Best way to check out ? Without making mess of your body. ಥ_ಥ ,0.017500000000001847,2.297399083333336,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,99.83333333333334,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,47,1,10,0,2,14,12,12,0.0,0.613,0.387,0.7438,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037477104473832,0.0,0.0,0.5331901283769477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32041474645796386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810147610957379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627187842521958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmalsyBigg,2019/03/27,"Why Girlfriend broke up with me several weeks ago. I still love her. This girl I used to have a crush on started snapping me out of the blue. I was really excited, then she found out I smoked weed and she hasn’t responded since. Why can’t I do anything right. 
   I’m going on a treatment for my depression next week, if that doesn’t work I’m going to fucking neck myself because I’m starting to believe that my like is actually hell and nothing is ever going to work out. I’ll just be constantly grasping for happiness throughout my entire life, getting small amounts, keeping me from the inevitable. That sounds like hell to me. Constantly hating myself and fucking up relationships. Any happiness I receive is quickly replaced with shitty thoughts and self hate I’m just so tired and done with this shit.",4.920833333333332,6.852724855263162,5.18684210526316,80.43622807017546,70.1842105263158,7.9614035087719275,33.06140350877193,8.59863814320734,2.8574061403508773,646,31,113,11,12,204,98,152,0.205,0.6859999999999999,0.109,-0.9571,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,15,7,0,4,0,11,7,2,1,1,20,30,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,5,11,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,9,0,0,4,2,18,6,19,25,1,25,2,2,1,3,10,9,5,1,14,70,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.1342670610024813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196438723584352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356526910627663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322406114466745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838730051144985,0.0,0.0,0.1550157382057996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29736975768036394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850524332464052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408013634982527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445716882530215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085928675126165,0.0,0.25439771106905473,0.07188459752364243,0.0,0.2345850759877755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929321949007324,0.0,0.27168139467340424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122295465523358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718321186642846,0.1344381155333022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417948544766765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632751086059548,0.0,0.0,0.1320204000063468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814306575089405,0.0,0.0,0.14771914366235148,0.0,0.1175002931295255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353538156888987,0.15543645831148373,0.1412331780536871,0.11381508028841078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477246922040647,0.0,0.1098787895106104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923033332451887,0.0,0.1581383676983196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883275923399153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073126620059955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483054260112813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200332927682182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eita_bagodique,2019/03/27,"Everyone I know loves me. Why am I the only one who hates me? The pressure of life has come to be more than I can handle. I am a good person. I help out friends, co-workers, family and strangers any time im needed yet I feel in the background all the time. I feel like my feelings & my thoughts doesn't matter. I go unnoticed so much that I think I could end my life without anyone caring. 

My job has me working in a hard, stressful environment. My bosses treat me as if I'm disposable although I break my back everyday. My skillset is doomed to keep me in near poverty for as long as I live. I dont see a bright future ahead of me.

The only reason I haven't been found hanging in a closet somewhere by now is because of my son. He's the best thing in my life by far but I feel like someone else could be a better father to him than I am. I would only be a vague memory if I died today. He would learn to write and read from his step dad, I would only be known as the guy who couldn't take being a dad anymore...

I'm rambling. The point is that I dont want to live with these thoughts anymore. They've been in my head in some form or fashion for 25 years & it only gets worse each wave of depression. I dont **want** to die but I want these thoughts out of my head so I can function without suicidal thoughts. I always would say I'm delaying the inevitable whenever I put off suicide. I dont want that to be my legacy.",1.16527436140019,2.9310894205298053,2.9561636707663226,93.07889072847685,80.29139072847683,5.77123935666982,23.037369914853357,6.7097532225279775,0.5260866603595082,1103,37,249,11,28,367,163,302,0.141,0.757,0.102,-0.82,1,0,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,0,4,5,15,1,2,16,0,31,6,2,2,1,47,59,14,4,14,7,4,5,2,1,4,3,1,1,2,9,7,0,2,14,1,0,5,9,5,0,1,7,8,46,10,38,39,7,32,1,2,2,1,17,13,0,4,15,161,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979194343057497,0.1817602434939898,0.0,0.057038876816532164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636584274903576,0.05864837904625115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449582914109774,0.0,0.05113031846810908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802318199466871,0.07418192282726277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551765269272645,0.0,0.0,0.07225215320327127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393707468633928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224268193393034,0.0,0.174101069906599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932103993282568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006802908279754,0.0,0.07428965782786069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801475628948859,0.0,0.0,0.07907127244576544,0.0,0.16964185663613315,0.11984273589228095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196622161008544,0.06480275375924653,0.0,0.043821994446462585,0.0,0.04766893164551362,0.07035160474000712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305089375192347,0.0,0.0,0.07513684337983152,0.08281065053379094,0.1721629160916084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056220630756800304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060098241498396,0.0,0.08323445553857825,0.07455326169461453,0.0,0.0,0.0460963151365713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773329687069658,0.08195561434917455,0.0,0.14812892191493504,0.07422803777349847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570179021816881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165885744870255,0.06219334076756685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683686777848965,0.3189591806906565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323769958297757,0.0,0.0,0.07929037676917505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431902062012167,0.0,0.0,0.08389916959050757,0.0,0.0,0.08623898223265339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670193663311394,0.0,0.0,0.06683868820326383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710682620499243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608021462961926,0.0,0.0,0.18349449207599666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306466795678731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055723800604490274,0.053744656106389205,0.0,0.2663541968782956,0.09781809001058668,0.0,0.07950508749359304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978900640462909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568546931151783,0.0,0.0,0.16170785063185772,0.0,0.12212614032435552,0.0,0.0854772901506548,0.2383337550703734,0.0,0.0,0.05401369760029173
suicidewatch,l789789,2019/03/27,"I am a failure I am 26 year old male, and live with my grandparents. I still go to college, but by the time i graduate i might be 32 if not older.

I have no friends, i have no girlfriend (ive only ever had one), have no kids,  i work at jack in the box, people make fun of me for being single for so long some even say im gay. My younger brothers even have kids and started their own families; i can tell i bring a sort of shame to the family.

 Academically im doing alright, but socially i am painfuly alone. Partly its due to the nature of my studies which involve lots of math ( that doesnt lend itself to a very active social life)

Sometimes i just want to kill myself. I have no person to talk to, even my mom makes fun of my plans. I have no friends, and even my family members seem to have abandoned me.",1.912874049027895,3.3540217455621324,3.850401521555369,88.9576479289941,77.10650887573966,6.485376162299239,23.90574809805579,7.1686216300943375,0.848254099746407,621,20,136,7,14,211,107,169,0.105,0.698,0.196,0.9326,1,1,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,2,8,8,1,1,7,1,18,2,0,2,1,19,25,7,1,2,5,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,1,1,25,5,19,21,5,13,0,1,0,1,16,2,0,6,9,98,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864529635012874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791791696743715,0.129823680913247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058987273843886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176916654463769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156674391009536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100563354598095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878560232686198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137368868788472,0.0,0.0,0.1267323749708072,0.12701227275333032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201709824540816,0.0,0.0,0.19160382607841944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225394458811373,0.0,0.1680909924162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060198153515272,0.0,0.0972540830831969,0.10915479290636533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554201185560926,0.0,0.0994999420013156,0.12531769603885076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413429241753655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065685242785066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926047930107997,0.0,0.0,0.14194672570780922,0.0,0.10158546564018664,0.0,0.11461669137422376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535738280777627,0.1254443753482785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368871319585257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842051220222817,0.08465287357628097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448557654535352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242333083030138
suicidewatch,workingbanana1234,2019/03/27,"Its always parking garages.... I work right next to two of them... one is about 4 stories, situated on a hill, and the other is about 6. I pass them every day when I go to work. I can see them from the windows. 

​

I fantasize vividly about jumping, so vividly that I can almost feel the wind if I close my eyes. I've been on the roofs before, always backed down, but its so tempting. I'm so tired.

​",0.765542168674699,3.16208537349398,2.2903734939759057,93.42495783132532,86.83132530120483,4.283855421686749,22.757831325301204,5.6839178017228535,0.2539648192771091,318,12,66,2,10,103,57,83,0.067,0.919,0.014,-0.7237,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,0,5,0,5,2,1,0,0,6,9,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,5,11,0,10,8,0,12,0,0,4,0,3,5,0,2,4,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725738598195032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945853645811043,0.3835966227913519,0.4301911058293527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361154769990789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062879493920678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416159803231166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914481943354338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950533136228322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006030848098829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826004497269908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119951591782436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117191797203358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105997314767008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989750080053993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345549541369212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292030742433298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257741594544654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301911058293527,0.0
suicidewatch,slourtc,2019/03/27,"i don’t know what to do anymore every few months it seems like things get better but they never really do, because something happens that makes me realise everything was a facade and things are the way they’ve always been. i’m 19 and ugly and fat, i have bad skin and i have no romantic luck whatsoever, the boy i’m seeing right now doesn’t understand how i feel and none of my friends like him. i’m always so lonely and the majority of my friends are only friends with me when it’s convenient or when they want something, but i can’t do anything to stop it because i’m so scared of losing them. i’m doing a shitty low-paying job while i’m finishing my degree, but i’m too scared to move jobs because i’m not smart or fast enough to do anything else. my degree is just a bachelor of screen media but I find it so difficult and i’m struggling so hard, while all my friends are doing actuarial studies or law at prestigious universities. i know that even if i somehow finish my degree, i’ll never get a job i enjoy or in the field i want. my bpd (borderline) and social anxiety makes it hard for me to make friends, but when i do i feel like they don’t even know me. and the friends that do care for me, i feel so bad because i know i’m such a burden to them and they deserve better. i don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t want to keep living like this but i’m such a miserable, awkward, ugly, annoying person that nothing i do will make any difference. :( thanks for reading ",3.175647897362793,4.407848865573771,4.78632929436921,84.36603706343551,73.45901639344262,7.665003563791875,27.03136136849608,8.18289091462,1.6971026372059872,1164,42,240,18,23,393,141,305,0.29100000000000004,0.606,0.103,-0.9973,3,2,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,6,3,17,29,1,5,11,0,25,2,2,5,3,51,60,32,0,4,13,0,6,4,6,1,1,0,0,2,14,11,1,2,11,1,0,1,11,12,0,0,2,8,36,17,18,57,5,18,0,3,2,0,16,3,0,8,17,152,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531004564787725,0.0,0.0,0.06256222171499147,0.0,0.07037869850475169,0.0,0.1824758361449688,0.0,0.0,0.15141406388215586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363002296261294,0.22432603858235967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273062031328278,0.0,0.0,0.11586905123024414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379873249462888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611898520823156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685304857440503,0.0,0.0,0.0950591753670466,0.0,0.12152845208908546,0.0,0.07751281184382454,0.0,0.08268243461852262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395518114927594,0.06572383812833893,0.0,0.0,0.08408507917215538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264674700522405,0.0,0.09613097191135753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135408279012749,0.0,0.16482540038835927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27388332760201745,0.08177260752726423,0.0,0.0,0.2528001995108032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978353017692275,0.0,0.08123647389703505,0.0,0.0,0.10292293224234016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456391939214745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343242704305189,0.0977799819564839,0.0,0.0,0.14191002668866615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827516465235988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996910210762487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032965329847026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202352399940067,0.0,0.05893667676927122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856632552401574,0.0,0.0,0.18421335156480115,0.0,0.0733109953052194,0.08375209558069759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378101544709723,0.0,0.14165007675222588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691497232028728,0.0,0.09617694088724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469997613183676,0.0,0.0,0.12223960087550866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957738161124444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278952294958535,0.07302422861491087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon9731,2019/03/27,"Coward Tomorrow night I'll visit a friend's house. They have a shotgun. But I know I won't be able to pull the trigger, because I'm a coward. I thought I would die with honor. Everyone thought I was a bad-ass for only bringing a knife to gun-fights, but they didn't know the reason-  I was trying to get someone else to kill me, because I don't have the balls; I wanted to get close enough so they wouldn't miss, but somehow the metal never found my flesh. Even in a personal confrontation I would take my knife out and slide it across the floor to them, only for them to refuse to pick it up, looking at me with fear in their eyes. Now my family are almost all in prison or the graveyard. Now I'm no longer an outlaw- I have a civilian job, a civilian life. Now there is no honor to die for. For a while, after I left that life, I found happiness. But I've just been reminded that I'm nothing but a ghost to others; I feel like I'm living someone else's life that's already been written and lived, and this is the last page. So I find once more that I want someone's aim to find a home between my eyes. I'd do it myself, but I'm a coward.",3.8430864197530847,3.8112897695473285,4.9559835390946505,88.3845925925926,71.0576131687243,7.632263374485596,27.31111111111111,7.03164865440522,1.1408004938271603,886,27,200,7,15,293,128,243,0.184,0.73,0.086,-0.9775,1,0,0,2,1,1,30.0,0,0,6,2,9,9,2,1,20,0,18,6,3,3,2,37,39,13,4,5,8,0,1,1,1,4,3,0,1,1,9,7,0,1,10,1,0,4,7,4,0,0,10,4,28,5,26,24,4,23,0,1,3,0,10,10,0,3,10,127,37,1,0.1230463053552342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321310081128364,0.0,0.13578465769971315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273852532401227,0.15001577134007044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554052769049365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205578798334504,0.0,0.0,0.1271397257826842,0.0,0.08127092420978807,0.0,0.0,0.11757601780049864,0.0,0.0,0.11599710584817567,0.13846130243381527,0.062215909115411014,0.08790430513159364,0.0,0.0,0.22492418784581905,0.0,0.0,0.2698278455017619,0.09506527028789637,0.0,0.12857323199828471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098508008739776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234254768538042,0.0,0.0,0.1419789158667475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210447170868555,0.0,0.13613250604872734,0.0,0.1352460629687028,0.10029916163612254,0.0,0.0,0.13369017079709242,0.0,0.2607337331519005,0.06011420948761133,0.0,0.2173042838829775,0.0,0.1033279064945042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490089625406653,0.0,0.0,0.11547062219056695,0.0,0.1180662485655542,0.0,0.0,0.13104029940634476,0.0,0.18716451980305968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743928771894323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651209523839854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31277020568141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251550832549264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953700440927462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835403643645917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515179783671975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481712990677836,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tinab8051,2019/03/27,"Friend wants to ""help"", but only on his terms... I've opened up to one friend about my suicidal thoughts. He likes to go on about he's there for me and he will listen and help me. When I tell him I'd like to come over or ask if we can go somewhere and do something, he says no. It pisses me off that he says ""I'm trying to do my best"", but when I ask for specific help it's like him saying sorry, you should feel this way or ask for this help. He's trying to make himself feel better by saying he supports me but then turns it around and makes it about him and what he's actually willing to do to help me. 

I'm waiting for his next comment to be ""if you kill yourself, that's your choice and I have no control over what you do"". If I kill myself, it's because nobody cared enough to actually help me. I read a comment on another post that said that people only want to be around those that are strong and put together. They don't want to support weak and broken people. That hits the nail on the head for me. ",2.0314073666849914,3.280037214953275,3.380159428257283,93.24952996151731,76.38317757009347,6.156789444749862,21.466739967014846,6.522977012572876,0.1580706981858162,780,19,181,6,17,255,108,214,0.153,0.648,0.199,0.8447,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,1,4,1,4,8,15,3,0,3,0,13,3,2,3,0,32,37,19,3,7,8,0,2,3,2,3,1,6,0,0,16,13,0,2,3,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,2,8,27,11,31,29,3,22,0,0,0,0,40,11,1,5,8,115,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.2066303315475521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101534189000742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849589560596272,0.2969262628659555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453819248481979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110545040398112,0.09363460580254407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794289759363702,0.0,0.0,0.09119879379949147,0.0,0.0,0.11874372179297688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939340606301116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706347158676187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359188524394502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033825637142175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865454930031668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425780006631108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23426192593836745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517018197464486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133989686890264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259538213580958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174116694012593,0.16103986530851186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679572771341134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139548804985006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642994892173516,0.0,0.0,0.10590000059800067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007078984372582,0.3367725885160021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150493787254476,0.0,0.11851430885360613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580607362040232,0.24028310739231076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253622663700337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405002619919509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437593945610403,0.11515762741049343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873369963295648,0.08403574996799695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anotherstraydingo,2019/03/27,"I'm landlocked in a job that is causing me extreme anxiety and I think the only way out is to crash my car This is going to be a long post so please bear with me

I'm currently working as a Personal Carer at a Nursing home. When I started out, I loved it. All the residents and coworkers were great and I felt like I was accepted and treated with respect. In October last year, the facility got sanctioned by the government and everything went down hill. Staff would fight easily, general rudeness with managers, extremely high turnover of managers and immediate crucifixion when staff ask questions.

I did a shift in December and I had a severe anxiety attack in the middle of hoisting a lady. I felt like I couldn't return to work. I would have applied for another facility but the manager has changed so much that I can't get a reference from anyone. I have been trying to avoid work since December and I have haemorrhaged my savings to pay for my living expense. I had over $5000 AUD in the bank and I now have less than $200. I have applied for countless jobs and have been knocked back for not having referees ready to go. 

I honestly don't know what to do. I have had intrusive thoughts stating that I should crash my car into a tree. I don't plan on carrying it out but I have constant feelings of hopelessness and despair. I absolutely love nursing but I'm landlocked in a job that I hate. 

Thanks for taking the time to read",3.9310238429172486,5.848523071684593,5.2548480598410485,78.99357643758769,72.76344086021507,9.009880006233443,32.56054230949041,9.54385415503706,3.3412732117812074,1143,57,211,29,23,381,159,279,0.13,0.762,0.107,-0.6519,4,1,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,6,18,4,1,18,0,30,2,0,1,1,40,51,19,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,18,0,1,9,1,3,5,5,7,0,0,13,3,29,11,37,33,3,36,0,2,0,2,6,16,0,1,14,146,37,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381968659963019,0.20164317297023893,0.0,0.0,0.09215300617374413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320903357881655,0.1499340131909402,0.0,0.10134098567895948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538812088624622,0.13941993679099698,0.0,0.0,0.14242183959652546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844740539111832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663870048985722,0.0,0.2530846544402422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885660934611595,0.0,0.14980244718308533,0.0,0.1054072175837879,0.14530268332319646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011869234909398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392469578384626,0.13219952101995622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923538256223191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243020322893033,0.10742920720253132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287751913678036,0.0,0.11637598240329902,0.1166330073302061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23789736919538315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688330971015124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023481577957527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507690905657444,0.0,0.14466957096012573,0.0,0.0,0.12622164140644818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763876480056132,0.0,0.13182906022259888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888902291728873,0.0,0.1090208583074894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328404335905896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909223119336023,0.0,0.0,0.12133765116851335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444788596922734,0.0,0.10462923421110812,0.0768497885128306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947906409884163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461146251959023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217379760045335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878414837623357,0.0,0.0,0.1872444930241908,0.0,0.0,0.0848706254012761
suicidewatch,Tbgwb,2019/03/27,"The best thing to happen to me in the three years I've had this depression is gone I'll try and make this short, I've had some severe depression for just over the past three years. Taught about killing myself just about ever day. I've tried meds therapist and just talking but it has not changed anything. 

Around September I meet a girl, I really liked her and we would meet every so often around January we kinda went into a relationship. Unfortunately I was trying to go of my meds and and a friend of mine passed away. She tried to meet up and I stupidly would say no to be alone. 

I started feeling a bit better and made a big effort to meet and do things but it seems it was to late. She told me yesterday she needs to find herself. And basically she doesn't want me. The taught I might even have a chance with her is what has kept me going. And it's gone for good

I can not deal, she doesn't care that we are finished and I'm so upset. She has moved on so quickly. While this was by far the one bit of happiness in my life and it's gone and I don't fully know why 

I was up all night, couldn't sleep and felt the most physically and mentally sick I have ever had. I just want to stick a knife into myself. I've ordered a rope of Amazon and it's finally going to happen. I'm so sorry to my family
",1.3899971925884351,3.3015996167883235,3.119270072992701,91.46911847276812,80.2043795620438,6.405165637282426,19.29758562605278,7.468242284971852,0.3494395283548566,1021,24,229,15,26,339,145,274,0.13699999999999998,0.758,0.104,-0.7618,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,3,0,0,3,17,12,2,1,14,0,25,3,1,2,3,54,51,23,1,6,8,0,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,13,24,0,1,5,0,0,9,7,5,0,3,17,3,33,7,32,29,6,38,0,2,0,0,23,14,0,6,15,159,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174372652609487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933098492127521,0.20188128635815866,0.0,0.0,0.1065331131437487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899522361933472,0.10028374679612248,0.2475838057228787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560809294746835,0.0,0.1199509945440145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312680950057877,0.11689953560458367,0.195324320179863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489265692199762,0.2051344835917312,0.09553549518138346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689347434769034,0.0,0.05733310875661829,0.0,0.10887164598792023,0.12421259108364195,0.1036358956021758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760440147684352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332549854410733,0.0951056840744888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053981785725425,0.12070516928739924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544861733233748,0.0,0.062315871835170074,0.0,0.12790822927142595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800903160829121,0.05539635375218911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729183149378413,0.07568833289949081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519002160882824,0.0,0.1142698878750252,0.12028827898801255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051503193898992,0.0,0.08407683435845731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064083099383064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683562032026481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082430525016759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264017993363574,0.0,0.0,0.12173782570260736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017183525563548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322548922495277,0.0,0.12809779423719128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347133032060215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693019678916162,0.08025763053371754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911381382206373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165388144556375,0.15066181348118385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834847085849812,0.0,0.30793595167421595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376006121125614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511314856900612,0.10231633464470573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109721233636234,0.0,0.0,0.1460381658287046
suicidewatch,PurpleDynamica,2019/03/27,"I’ve been trying or at least planning to kill myself. I’m tired of being a stupid person. I always hurt the ones that I love. First my mom, then my boyfriend, when will I stop it? I want to end it, I want to put an end to everything. ",0.01647058823529335,1.7050239803921592,2.0389803921568657,98.61141176470586,83.70588235294117,4.864313725490196,16.08235294117647,5.6839178017228535,-0.8483835294117648,177,3,44,1,5,59,38,51,0.284,0.599,0.116,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,8,1,6,4,1,8,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787423622455345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425412195524165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452641018604716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125008366020528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674426019897185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763941127179472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547662450590636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29259177169679873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928774150847756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813736823074645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251142913480347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886470874146895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28713684249011884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961463176488106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29470626477804457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ResponsibleCounty7,2019/03/27,"I am getting so close to killing myself. As a 22 year old woman, life already feels like a chore I tried, I really did try. I tried to make things better but my luck is such that I still come across people who hurt me. I'm 22, I should be exploring life and the world like others of my age but I'm just depressed and dread waking up everyday to people who hurt me.

​

It never ends.

The pain never stops.

I can't have one moment of feeling even okay with my existence. 

I don't want to be me. I wish I was someone else, maybe I wouldn't hate myself so much then. 

I want to just go ahead and do it but my family will be completely devastated, their life would cease to exist if I offed myself. I don't know what to do so I just end up self harming while people keep hurting me. ",1.8470389610389617,3.3907556303030333,3.4524891774891806,91.30159090909092,77.54545454545455,6.411255411255411,20.27056277056277,7.1686216300943375,0.32169264069264125,609,14,136,7,14,202,101,165,0.2,0.6509999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.929,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,2,9,14,2,1,4,1,17,5,1,1,2,29,31,13,1,7,7,0,2,2,0,4,4,0,1,2,8,6,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,9,0,1,2,2,27,5,16,22,1,22,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,2,16,94,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462721097308992,0.0,0.0,0.1420027109593418,0.1592514105412046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591131199157224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128959934283261,0.1374131962499876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288119430727755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948323890933016,0.0,0.2321593018364753,0.0,0.0,0.08656344023535327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355105638571265,0.0,0.1325350531636115,0.09362879944673398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847308180733898,0.0,0.07448402788283373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939393836687746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209051158357188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649153927158536,0.14499771186333615,0.0,0.07202677096815964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777132061249133,0.12805792061239116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748310916893343,0.0,0.1316666955514889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634367498699888,0.0,0.2021620435855942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752470252139073,0.0,0.08880918238041502,0.0,0.1394563494790321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725800773364841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395995192051553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672344650996676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104613066379243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466413671686613,0.10957145417717372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706998404804714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669420118533494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460435696115404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507117420604166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310077573215812,0.0,0.1592514105412046,0.08439790067109085
suicidewatch,alt_account1122,2019/03/27,I need to end it all It’s currently 1:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep because all I can think about is killing myself I want to do it so fucking badly. I have this empty feeling in my chest this feels like it’s something that I have to do tonight ,-1.0365000000000002,1.0630552363636383,1.036704545454544,99.87505681818182,96.63636363636364,3.4772727272727275,21.420454545454547,5.148860815047168,-0.22204545454545466,198,8,46,1,8,65,39,55,0.179,0.725,0.096,-0.763,1,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,7,3,2,0,2,8,13,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,13,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28461930008600633,0.2077963631754304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019171634498035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447168129150505,0.2435236608876393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31513667054219746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771315430929883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653601144875094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25275708058206753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411246676976468,0.0,0.0,0.26242491490194536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184211718921234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010589648635773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RazorDragon359,2019/03/27,"The fuck is the point Im 16 (M) and I dont think this can go on any longer im failing in school, my family's dysfunctional as fuck and doesnt even realize it ( almost everynight there's fighting over something ANYTHING) I dont feel like I can feel emotion anymore, seeing them fight all the time, people who should love eachother seemingly trying to kill eachother with words...I...I just want the pain to stop I want to see a happy or at least normal family...I love my family to death but at the rate its going the fucking police could be involved. I just dont see anyway for this to improve. Im welcome to any advice or support, please anyone.",2.3918974358974374,4.444710984615387,3.884230769230772,86.50993589743591,77.61538461538461,6.17948717948718,23.91025641025641,7.1686216300943375,1.0352564102564106,508,17,99,6,12,168,85,130,0.15,0.675,0.17600000000000002,0.7599,0,0,1,0,3,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,5,14,6,0,7,0,10,6,0,0,1,21,27,6,2,5,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,0,5,8,6,14,24,2,10,0,1,3,5,8,6,3,4,3,56,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806209359337205,0.0,0.0,0.12098192068338877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432096409102556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981913564089515,0.08447885657228313,0.0,0.09942303946382224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964634582075605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247939005447921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590415213337032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979924571230218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277931902829196,0.0,0.1221785691989706,0.08631250736435446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350832863362089,0.0,0.0,0.13732747281078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861316260607944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915129892698689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366737741990034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902564318476097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180861869366374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183761305765333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855902524161678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376008974270889,0.0,0.0,0.13262204287152496,0.11421219947720948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222744135302202,0.2888292590192569,0.10998830215109012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930117111310802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100937960836187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710299987836888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741538928395247,0.0,0.0,0.07045003229895103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202759015778995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252334514192447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nickwc92,2019/03/27,"I'm here if anyone wants to talk. I have some deep feelings and what helps me is talking to someone and helping someone else. So, if you're down and need a friend, I am here to chat and help you, which helps me.",3.1306666666666665,3.524837622222221,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,72.77777777777777,6.0,26.11111111111111,3.1291,0.2401111111111112,163,5,39,0,3,51,32,45,0.0,0.725,0.275,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,7,7,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,3,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713956425276325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163108583083806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809511981505992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572802778128606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6792275044069909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784664575814253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293043107567175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40724638828332815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942510042548254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eros_katsudon_fatale,2019/03/27,"In the past 2 months everything has fallen apart and I feel like I'm shattering Everything has fallen apart in the past months, I'm struggling making ends me. I'm having to ask on reddit for help just to keep floating. It's amazing how one thing can off set everything else, lost our income tax, water pipe exploded, and my health. People don't know bad things are in my life because I don't want to burden people.  My health is falling apart . I don't know what to do, I've been suicidal but I try to stop those thoughts because my dog and hamster need me, I can't leave them behind or my parents. But I just feel like I'm worthless, and a bad person.  I have PTSD, TBI, and bipolar my emotions are all over the charts. I post things on here and become scared I'm going to get bullied.

When is okay to say to hell with everything? Nothing will ever get better. I don't know I just feel like a million things at once.",2.179572192513369,4.116998721925139,3.276470588235295,91.16411764705884,77.82352941176471,5.897326203208556,22.764705882352942,6.794906146795322,0.591419251336899,719,22,150,7,17,231,109,187,0.173,0.691,0.136,-0.8568,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,2,7,14,1,2,5,1,17,5,0,2,2,28,38,11,1,2,6,1,3,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,7,7,1,2,7,0,1,4,5,8,0,2,3,4,20,6,19,34,1,25,1,2,0,0,7,11,1,1,11,87,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837235411832588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358172145093427,0.1413311665181805,0.12802784302531356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252447082133756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683878941687142,0.1303977692705644,0.10267336793136472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485898786872896,0.0,0.0,0.4167364612346136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758424517513668,0.2484462375236895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112996319658625,0.0,0.06588171087119188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644145087332364,0.0,0.0,0.07770074160795988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303768643262984,0.0,0.0,0.19112474317477735,0.0,0.0,0.12274571629132225,0.0,0.0,0.08187984131673581,0.16990236310439905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654364547605731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737950092396796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505726111586274,0.0,0.0,0.08595543372006699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123124246962522,0.0,0.0,0.1234542089178558,0.07855242315167416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871877005526516,0.0,0.2213232359652855,0.16073282066662728,0.1012194899746835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102218743681286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550778051264753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218662034404873,0.1160591433317646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691681651792504,0.0,0.12118788646779287,0.0,0.12680094409609846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080563539681922,0.0,0.0,0.09202991121427782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870410585188832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683743873301511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatemyminoranon,2019/03/27,"I feel like life just isn't for me I'm not good at anything and nobody likes me enough to want to spend time with me except out of pity. I'm about to graduate college and have probably applied to a million places with no offers or even interviews. I can't even get help from my peers because I hate them—they're covering up for someone who sexually assaulted my friend and for understandable reasons she doesn't want to report it and made me promise to never speak of it to authorities. But he's going to inevitably get a job and keep sexually assaulting, even raping people in this industry and I won't be able to stop him. I've failed. I've failed my friend and I've failed his future victims.

I have no talents to get myself a job or earn a stable living. I don't want to rely on my mother forever because I can't stand living with her but I can't afford rent with minimum wage in this state. Art is probably the thing I'm best at and I'm not even good at that. I had massive anxieties about being talentless at it to the point where I couldn't hold a pencil without having a breakdown and crying, but I pushed myself to keep practicing and when I felt like I made a huge leap, I made a post showing my improvement on a sub but most of the comments were that I was too slow, some saying if that was the most I could do in five years I should find something else to do. I failed at that too.

No one would miss me if I were gone. Maybe one or two people would be sad, but their lives won't be irreparable. I feel like nobody cares until I post about suicide ideations and then suddenly everyone wants to pretend they've been your best friend forever so they can feel like the hero when they come to your rescue. I made the mistake of announcing I was going to kill myself on my blog and had people come to my house one time. But of course after that the same people who claimed to care about me just weren't understanding of my problems at all and kept berating me for having issues with my relationship or my classes unless they could tell me what to do about it. I hadn't realized how controlling and invasive they were until I found out they'd been snooping through private posts and messages on my phone for a month. Everyone tells me to just fucking think positive and stop being so negative and just work harder and things will get better but it fucking doesn't. Every day things get fucking worse and worse. I can't remember a time I was legitimately really happy. I want to die so fucking bad.",4.6985282399812505,5.597552131474104,5.447119756269043,82.30699086008909,69.5179282868526,8.69472697445512,28.31052261542068,8.925248442259385,2.1136189828919623,1998,68,397,35,34,650,233,502,0.17800000000000002,0.675,0.147,-0.9378,5,0,1,0,0,3,26.0,0,2,6,11,23,39,10,0,18,0,45,6,0,7,2,93,87,42,3,15,22,1,4,5,3,6,1,2,1,0,18,28,0,7,12,4,3,6,21,20,0,6,21,6,63,19,67,51,8,49,0,7,0,5,30,20,4,9,23,281,81,15,0.07263256177785962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556371095599864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977040964783682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060645155220380526,0.08855227101743636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244678502581005,0.06423759846999111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810747487803333,0.0,0.0,0.12513304129016956,0.0,0.0,0.08146359410595536,0.11598238082855775,0.0,0.07978345855062663,0.04684199360480357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538113192278806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060675185358638785,0.0,0.0,0.07504885222413647,0.0,0.19189248816108653,0.0,0.06119606591454928,0.13880705075759792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017561679754806,0.15566614994032493,0.06973864961345312,0.0,0.06638484561516098,0.0,0.0,0.07963785503844795,0.16834721117014426,0.2685905319124931,0.18973757865248334,0.0,0.08255751735280129,0.12184149358143173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731871260952985,0.0,0.07170961758992601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868407513100627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380822445723603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758095239641091,0.14415322035277595,0.12911831634557616,0.08035716819788638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130252638374402,0.17742300436127606,0.0,0.1924076482202053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27490674454433683,0.0,0.0,0.07296917078569584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057974617856028074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601870929848705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765311081845325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201417092177432,0.0,0.0758855680051188,0.0,0.06866124779877883,0.0,0.2086857500660748,0.0,0.1566203725191427,0.0694995523796811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653027893793474,0.07467837044372144,0.0,0.07798018937198528,0.0822785336225906,0.0,0.0,0.05776032838331952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154133389280865,0.05591609456250679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144814783423526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944823384317075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269681208071986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476153995583246,0.04654001281294876,0.0,0.0,0.12705789260477787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095145893296549,0.1512261166712407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142028339068384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001519765484532,0.0,0.052877370023917535,0.0,0.14803757124997927,0.10319217591397646,0.0,0.0,0.046772988432862525
suicidewatch,XX-Buffalo,2019/03/27,"Every night I go to my bed hoping for an eternal sleep I’ve known nothing but anxiety and depression all my life. I never talk about it to anyone. My family doesn’t know, they never talk to me, they just ask about my academic results. I let my girlfriend go because I didn’t want her to see my dark side. I play video games sometimes just to keep my mind busy. Some days are better and sometimes I’d hit myself just to feel the physical pain because mostly I feel numb and empty but some days it’s just feels like the worst that could ever happen to anybody has happened to me and the pain is unbearable. My friends and family do not see it and I can’t even tell what’s wrong so everyday I go to my bed in hope for an eternal peaceful sleep. ",3.0153921568627453,4.437269052287583,4.190343137254903,87.72904411764708,74.16339869281045,7.191503267973857,25.16830065359477,7.793537801064563,1.2717673202614377,587,19,122,8,12,192,92,153,0.163,0.6829999999999999,0.155,-0.6622,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,9,12,0,0,5,0,9,6,2,1,4,32,26,9,0,4,7,0,3,1,2,0,4,0,2,0,5,6,0,1,5,3,0,3,6,6,0,0,1,5,23,6,14,22,5,14,0,1,2,0,10,2,0,5,10,79,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398524366107534,0.0,0.0,0.0950446539788548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707518126418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572200308546156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202180742462307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852817354477984,0.0,0.0,0.17532580293002095,0.0,0.1170753705145031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977976270322517,0.12295548065744215,0.11452596876157052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25628335689717296,0.0,0.20618922244547175,0.09710764005752354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501833824029984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317545951380797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404029713957709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270016155147461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081986025856895,0.0,0.0,0.0747029737752951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899651935876994,0.0960106086266802,0.06640799911365726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724944954916726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967350940958868,0.0,0.0,0.12756007342431944,0.0,0.1304274546221885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28927588667096704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663548408285774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720541513279032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688743342413255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850901701043035,0.11880785815206628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017439257912183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861692398532012,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nuncamaslol123,2019/03/27,"Every night I need to play video games until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and fall asleep. When I don’t, suicide and plenty other shitty thoughts swarm my head. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried therapy but every time I try to talk I just can’t. It’s like if when I am about to talk I’m absolutely fine, like if my depression was stealthy as hell. I really need help. I feel like the only way I could is talking to someone who will never ever meet me or my family, so no one ever knows this.",1.4911111111111133,2.857498481481482,3.6214814814814815,90.47166666666668,78.07407407407408,6.651851851851853,20.333333333333336,7.3871296695380915,0.4133444444444448,388,9,89,5,9,133,75,108,0.181,0.667,0.152,-0.6589,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,1,0,10,3,3,0,3,19,18,11,1,5,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,2,0,1,2,2,15,5,8,14,0,11,1,1,1,0,7,1,1,3,11,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17164724292574332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818900091246494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149072152920554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131186027331998,0.29165199569425243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631628907193403,0.0,0.0875136280838671,0.12364722746374734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776283484210099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601078809799074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538400143869218,0.0,0.0,0.19023869975916755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25367205814974003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25667084768591314,0.13348871466617918,0.0,0.0,0.16242233262641367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728238789292353,0.1316339052938738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087844054720927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466487475893178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931965322002395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173415312095508,0.0,0.0,0.19793020859349802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740489868712866,0.1009233937756536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350177143094319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137381559918658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpme3837364,2019/03/27,"I have no one to turn to. I’ve never felt this alone in my life. I should start off by saying that I’m not asking for money, I just want someone to listen and offer me some kind of emotional support or perhaps kind advice. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m a 25-year-old loser who can barely make ends meet and I have literally no one to turn to. I’m estranged from my emotionally abusive parents and all of my friends have faded away, I am literally that ugly loser girl with no friends. I am so alone and i am so depressed and anxiety-ridden I can’t sleep. I work as a behavior technician doing ABA with kids with autism and it’s a low-paying extremely stressful job and work is not steady or reliable. I’ve been out of work for the last three weeks because of some insurance problem with my client and I wasn’t authorized to work and was not allowed to take on another case and so I’ve been without pay for three weeks. My phone bill is due on Friday and I don’t know how I’m going to pay all of it and if my service gets shut off and my clients can’t get ahold of me I’ll be fired. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for gas to go to work for the next week and a half. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for my car insurance, or my student loan. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for food. I don’t even like my job. I’ve resorted to doing online surveys and selling my clothes to Plato‘s closet to try to make some money but it’s never enough and it’s never much. 

Additionally, I’m trying to get into a graduate program and I’m presenting a poster at a small local conference in two days. My advisor told me that she would get the poster printing taken care of and that she’d pay for it, and I just got an email from her and hour ago saying that she wouldn’t be able to help me get it printed and that she would paid me back when she saw me next, although she said she wasn’t sure when that would be. Parking at my university is nine dollars, I don’t even want to think about how much it costs to have a poster printed. I’m too embarrassed to tell her that I can’t afford it.

All I’ve been eating it for the last three weeks are Ramen noodles, Mac and cheese, rice and beans and instant potatoes. I feel like I’m going to fucking lose it pretty soon. I want to vomit. My stomach has been hurting badly for the last couple of days and I can’t sleep. 

I know all of this shit is my fault and that I can’t manage my money and blah blah blah blah blah whatever, I just wish I had someone to tell this to but no one cares. I had to go to the emergency room last month and that basically depleted me of all my money. No one cares about me and I’m starting to not care about myself either. I want to fucking die. I just want to fucking die. 

",2.130636698599851,3.2990350983050867,3.9321739130434814,89.71550478997791,75.98305084745763,6.8253500368459825,23.673544583640385,7.34059242885,0.8027590272660272,2148,64,486,25,46,726,236,590,0.127,0.7759999999999999,0.097,-0.9619,6,5,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,8,24,26,4,2,15,0,46,11,4,8,9,93,109,47,2,13,16,1,3,7,2,5,2,4,2,2,24,36,2,0,9,0,16,8,28,14,0,10,16,8,64,12,75,84,12,53,0,5,1,3,28,16,4,7,31,314,88,18,0.06806449374706773,0.08064529510189279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651183554078714,0.060335066930223426,0.0,0.0,0.14098857668934162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137155634633666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363111362224022,0.0,0.06394883242149325,0.052337394321031135,0.05683100922299843,0.041491483636422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775851505433975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531206772376887,0.0,0.08779193526356419,0.0,0.05862384872846976,0.0,0.14128039702351505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964696942274243,0.0,0.1531267884701022,0.060284938847830837,0.07032881682677278,0.0,0.13486786856522778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03441545314772745,0.048625287932834105,0.06535258793516434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230385601339839,0.0,0.10517291805541526,0.1887735830775713,0.1778044436223146,0.0,0.2707783424033277,0.0,0.05443739345936543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562219542070791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702981579268354,0.0,0.07286444829957943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508701504057474,0.0,0.0,0.1417573923821579,0.2244387943385872,0.22192658740330384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048075964839774415,0.06650574714887836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614675827973974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090867156211247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054328429535761134,0.0,0.1000704690102405,0.0,0.15748660086203708,0.0,0.14477472254970514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142223650730843,0.0,0.18448904994382664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557756541634969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924605976797166,0.0,0.06512852820527637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474492016569552,0.10825523467281684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986722471830764,0.0,0.0,0.1362272982208798,0.0,0.11534164934851952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635279800040253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796764762134664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723878090342934,0.064149979846415,0.0,0.05117602856703265,0.0,0.11898273519787694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361297926932009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503854061512251,0.0,0.09242264676709584,0.1480692479708207,0.0664891202331274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073100951122516,0.0,0.21838892518769973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827080872393281,0.06561174308504977,0.0,0.2477588104603669,0.0,0.0,0.14505319047656498,0.0,0.0,0.043831302391026006
suicidewatch,AdaWasTheLighthouse,2019/03/27,"""Just try not to think too much"" That's the one epic advice I got from a psychiatrist when I was hospitalized. Well, very fucking on point. Thank you for solving all my problems with these 7 golden words. 

I'm 25. My name is not Ada but it's a nice name. I'm diagnosed with depression and GAD. I know I can be strong, I know I can find motivation but my body is shaking itself. I've been taking meds for year now and I still have troubles with myself, with sleeping, with living like a ""regular"" person. 
Someone very dear to me told me once that I'm his lighthouse. But he didn't mean it. I just wish he could care about me as I care about him. It hurts. It hurts because he's the only one I felt safe with after I broke up with a man who was a monster. I wish I was stronger. 

Most of all, however, I wish I could learn to live for myself. 

Is here anyone my age or older who can tell me it's still worth waiting? I've been like this since years and, although I was fighting for myself, it didn't really change anything. I'm just losing hope",0.9961038961038966,3.039010497695852,2.6125785504817784,93.89990678676165,82.27188940092167,5.420108923334731,20.00188521156263,6.574015621080383,0.07498341013824872,806,22,181,8,22,264,126,217,0.128,0.632,0.241,0.9795,1,0,0,0,2,0,29.0,0,1,0,3,12,21,2,1,7,0,18,4,2,1,2,42,39,10,0,7,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,10,0,2,8,0,1,1,4,10,1,2,11,1,30,11,22,25,4,13,0,5,0,1,15,3,1,3,11,116,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197610721439565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727951328815706,0.0,0.10271912814784348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760912642896016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865080050577105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25453181233468103,0.0,0.1320467419461227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993228607502404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751032203041966,0.12669325372323134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985016212384453,0.0,0.114086443509348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539734054598084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983277843835632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397792834541214,0.0,0.0,0.2672523374417192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719949348726698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196494170771263,0.0,0.220442924747148,0.0,0.0,0.13964559956043396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596941560427614,0.13865080050577105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175965568942028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329329838542564,0.16916730648660627,0.09493391804576844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899109025512167,0.0,0.0,0.1179985807858496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194392588099752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996514852652675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325531251139876,0.0,0.12491367437249372,0.0,0.1057625704720834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993684619040337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385175881172912,0.0,0.10910126556542274,0.11492073430083473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998187678990709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927423049801646,0.0,0.0847469820930466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598496687154946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223134265664128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306226919935141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076451946709006
suicidewatch,MusicBirdy,2019/03/27,"Lonely I feel so trapped and alone sometimes and I don't have anything going for me. My family doesn't care and I don't have any friends. I thought I did have one but I just was a kill time to hef too. Not even going to get into relationship wise I've been repeatedly proven I'm not worth that either. 

I stopped playing the one game that I loved too and I want to finish it and get a happy ending but I can't. Because in the end I'll still be here and alone. 

I can't get any help from within my insurance and I can't afford anything out of network either. It really would be cheaper to just kill my stuff. My parents would be upset with the costs but they can sell all my stuff to counter it I guess. 

I think about killing myself every day and I keep taking more risks and I don't even care anymore. I want to be gone. I believe in God and I don't know what happens if I kill myself. I haven't been to confession in ages and I'm scared. I don't know I just want to stop feeling. ",-0.3126523947750357,1.8434244764150949,1.7277358490566073,97.19846879535558,89.61320754716982,4.393613933236575,18.531204644412192,5.873414542411696,-0.3636580551523951,767,22,178,6,26,254,110,212,0.265,0.626,0.109,-0.9901,2,5,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,0,11,15,4,3,5,0,24,1,0,0,1,42,48,16,4,6,11,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,8,14,0,3,7,2,3,3,12,8,0,2,6,2,32,7,19,36,4,19,1,1,0,1,8,6,0,2,10,121,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372050133385873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557476005747657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356763260392175,0.0,0.0,0.18847138493859733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980698834276043,0.0,0.0,0.12901864926747544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23351036971713054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385239167673797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285174954314816,0.0,0.0,0.151271520540525,0.0,0.09648342184422533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795409767125816,0.0,0.11580396390479138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847363387873287,0.0,0.17948733044106105,0.0,0.13016248110270284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615065396496494,0.0,0.1012648116082407,0.12190283564264374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767566687133083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178576676139356,0.5067733973795032,0.0,0.12586837046164198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335382500271056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519600445777448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715482228170086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336093365163332,0.0,0.0,0.12294573832859836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464901147036195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132577881427881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914514433817264,0.19147853223199576,0.0,0.0,0.2621834554667046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610066732999792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733762803500709,0.0,0.09091173727054692,0.06677433735660288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263089211898305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626956584698461,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Crackedoutchicken12,2019/03/27,"I'm alone and I don't don't know what to do anymore (long) My life is just complete shit. I failed at everything. I dropped out of high school at 17 to obtain the GED. I dropped out because I went to school that started at 7AM and ended at 7PM. The school was in a house, it was practically not a real high school. So I went to obtain my GED. In my state there are very specific rules to getting a GED. And because of my young age it took them 10 months to finally schedule the GED for me. I was already 18 by the time I got the date. I missed the time I planned on going to college. During this time of waiting for the GED date to be scheduled, I had a job at a smoothie store. At the smoothie store I was very much attracted to my coworker. We worked together by ourselves for hours on end. Finally I got her number, and fastforward 3 months we were dating. I loved her. I was so alone until I found her. My best friend stopped talking to me for 4 months (also my only friend). And I was so lonely. But she made me so happy. Happier than I've probably ever been. We quit that smoothie job together.




We really started falling in love. We would be together about 13 hours a day. Just me and her and no one else. Then I noticed she changed her facebook password. I eventually hacked into it and found out she was sending messages to her ex. Telling her ex ""I love you, were are going to have a beautiful family."". Literally hours worth of messages they were sending each other. At that moment I wanted to die. I quickly replied with her account writing very vulgar messages. She had no idea it was me. 15 minutes after, she calls me. She asks me "" did you hack my account?"". I said yes. I then ask her ""you only called to ask me this?"". She says yes. She said that she was never gonna call me again. And only called to make sure it was me. She then says that her love for me was pretty much a lie. She never loved me. And that was it, she hung up and never called again. I was alone again. And my trust for people depleted.




Shortly after the break up I took the GED. I failed it. I passed every subject except math. My depression grew stronger. I then got a job at Subway. At Subway I was being trained for free. I was so desperate for money that I let them pay me nothing for the first 2 weeks of working there. Shortly after obtaining the job I noticed I was having throat pain that wouldn't go away for weeks. I felt feverish on a daily basis. I then went to the doctor and was later diagnosed with mono. This was around the time I took the GED. I had a fever of 104. But I had work the next day and I couldn't get fired. I asked the boss if I can take the day off and she said no. I would have to go or lose my job. So I went. I biked 3 miles to work whilst having mono with a 104 fever. I was working by myself and had to close the store. The next day one of my coworkers were complaining that I didn't close the store correctly. I didn't take out all the trash and enough bread. 




Fast forward a few months of working there, this coworker. Were gonna call him Eric. Eric would constantly treat me like a child and say that I can't do anything correctly. Even though i'm in the store by myself 90% of the time. This only gets worse, one time he said I'm such a shitty worker he was about to take my check out of the box and rip it up. He said that I don't even deserve to get paid. This increased my depression. 


He would constantly yell and scream at me for no reason in front of customers. Even though we only worked with eachother an hour a day. On some days he would be nice and on other days he would throw metal trays and bins at me. It was a toxic and stressful environment. 


Finally the retake for the GED arrived. I retook the math, and... failed it again. This greatly increased my depression. Back at work getting harrased by my coworker, making me feel like even more shit. I finally saved up to buy a 500$ package for a road test and driving lessons. I wanted to get my license since I'm 18. Long story short.. I failed it. Twice... This made me attempt suicide. I biked to the brooklyn bridge to jump off. But there was no way to actually get to the top of the bridge without a car. I failed at killing myself too. 


Finally I can't take the shitty job anymore and I decide to quit. I decide I'll just deliever with uber eats on my bike and quit my shitty job at Subway. I also wanted to quit to focus on the GED. So I practice day and night for the GED. And finally took the test last month. I failed again. by only 4 points. I am now almost 19 and still haven't completed anything since I dropped out. Couldn't even kill myself. So now I'm gonna take the test again next month in the end of April or the beginning of May. I don't know what I'll do if I fail again. I guess Eric was right about me. I can't do anything right. I'm crying as I'm typing this and I really hope someone can help me. I do feel as though I will 99% pass the next time I take because I only failed by a few points. My dad said I will definitely pass because every time I took the test I got a higher score from the last time. So my only hope now is to just pass this test. Here's the results from when I first took the [test] (https://imgur.com/Ou2S7KZ). Here's the results the second time I took the [test] (https://imgur.com/vbB6AlH). And here's the 3rd time I took [it] (https://imgur.com/IwZck1C). Do you think that statistically speaking I will pass the next time? You need a 500 to pass. 








Now for the last section of my depression and anxiety. My health problems. For the past 2 years I've had swollen lymph nodes. All over my neck. Maybe around 10 swollen lymph nodes. I went to my doctor twice on the first year I noticed it and this year. I had ultrasounds, xrays and bloodtests. All came back normal and showed nothing suspicious. The doctor said I have nothing to worry about. But I don't know. If I move my shoulder up to my face and jerk it back, I can feel lymph nodes get stuck in between my collar bone. And I feel the tug against my collarbone. The nodes are kinda small, not able to be seen but felt. They are movable and rubbery. But I can feel some on my collarbone. Should I worry about this or just ignore it. And just watch it if it gets bigger? Or I notice any other symptoms? Should I just listen to my doctor and not worry about it? Am I paranoid?





I hope someone actually read this and can give me advice. Because I have no else. Please help me. 
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suicidewatch,bitemetearme,2019/03/27,"sick of it i am sick of chronic pain 
i am sick of the soul crushing loneliness that has been with me since my childhood
i am sick of being used as a punching bag by others and being told im unloved
i am sick of lying to make someone else smile
i am sick of crying myself to sleep and enjoying it
i am sick of pretending im someone else and then waking up
i am sick of imagining a future that i will never ever get
i dont want this
im scared and want to run away and get stabbed i dont fucking know
ive come to realise that ill only be loved in my death
i killed my own personality and mutilated the corpse
and the pain makes me want to rip out my heart 
i may as well say to the one person who said they loved me; you wont be forgiving me for this and im the most selfish and vile bitch for doing this to you
i love you even if you wont love me afterwards",1.1100589005235584,2.4079048586387444,3.398609293193718,91.9582280759163,78.9476439790576,6.450392670157068,21.885143979057585,7.1686216300943375,0.4652431937172774,672,19,161,8,16,232,100,191,0.355,0.54,0.106,-0.9954,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,4,1,0,3,16,4,1,7,0,21,20,3,3,2,26,38,13,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,12,2,0,2,10,12,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,9,1,1,3,2,29,7,25,27,2,12,1,0,0,5,16,4,2,3,6,109,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023721287793478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010710705356508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888361832506742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750243020027969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603154773249928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774966348065352,0.10613345029068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847148089841964,0.12260218402766675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903890489725276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069544852733611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981039909579464,0.0,0.06448256158532098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235865999613787,0.0,0.1566399520299152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049361959794866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950715400970355,0.08923622181579262,0.2496988973091959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489943544228628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160953651237918,0.09330706205174708,0.11746973311435277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705818700629176,0.0,0.11741666817918085,0.0,0.19882993123501266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211568961577688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133711753292864,0.0,0.0,0.2076162411927424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054954982808558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blinkysparkle,2019/03/27,my friend took her life last night My friend shot herself last night. She was always troubled mentally but very social and fun loving so no one saw it coming. I don’t even know how to deal. ,0.9621052631578948,3.516071,1.6582105263157914,96.71047368421057,89.0,4.092631578947368,15.494736842105262,5.6839178017228535,-0.7387536842105265,150,3,31,1,5,46,34,38,0.106,0.604,0.29,0.8795,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,3,1,6,4,1,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,4,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864358398783008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564589489347804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461215099733969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767978642713176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688864538303775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120049102042247,0.3891957803944705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862299261178632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546433849045235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405850220262911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480663465476812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177052197138664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24335651828722496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652392824277838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697834233535907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waste_0f_life,2019/03/27,"It all falls down I was released from a psych ward about two months ago. I had left with a rough plan, and am now living with my aunt and her family.

They're all very kind, I'm supported with everything I need. I don't even have to get a job for a few months. 

I just can't deal with the stress and pressure of being an adult. For two years I had worked hard at a shit job full time, had to go to school full time, while taking care of myself and paying rent. I almost lost my life because of this.

Right now I don't think a single thing is wrong, I'm around happy people, I'm sleeping well, eating well, going to school. I've tried looking into religions and philosophy. I'm on medication and have been taking it at the proper times.

So why do I feel like dying right now? I've successfully not self harmed in three months and I'm  on the tip of doing it again. I have a few plans I could use to end my life. I think the only reason I haven't yet is because I don't want to disappoint the people around me. Everyone thinks I've been doing well lately, which I have been. So I don't know why now this feeling is back, I have no one to tell, I don't want them to be disappointed or think ""Oh, here we go again.""

I just want everything to stop, I'm really at a loss of things to try anymore. I feel like I've done everything I can to get better at this point. I don't know what to do.

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suicidewatch,bubble_gum91,2019/03/27,"Exhaustion. I'm exhausted. Exhausted by the job I'm putting in 50+ hours at, I'm exhausted by my teenanger who no matter how hard I try just goes against me. I'm exhausted my abusive spouse who I'm constantly trying to be better for but lately have just been trying to stay away from. I'm freaking exhausted and want to just give up, but one thing stops me every time.",3.283200000000001,4.8812295200000015,4.546333333333333,84.73150000000003,73.8,8.733333333333334,28.5,9.2995712137729,2.4801999999999995,294,12,60,7,6,97,50,75,0.281,0.664,0.056,-0.9319,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,0,10,11,4,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,1,1,5,1,12,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,33,8,1,0.0,0.2756265819016055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856201375002549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057408912530624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25138862807695017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599943712594187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231583323602089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083893290135508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909208763001965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230847764695268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624149369130047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763500576829692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338557668876388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479508930409528,0.0,0.1944877359333566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454795404902014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564747483233294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738181846788766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721024137448806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jjkoolaidnj,2019/03/27,"I’m about to be checked into a psych ward for suicidal ideation with intent, any help/encouragement is appreciated. So right now I’m sat in the ER waiting to hear about open beds about 4 hours after my dr decided during our regular scheduled appointment that I was a danger to myself and going to an inpatient facility would be the best option.  I’ve been told I’ll most likely be staying the night here at the ER. I’m terrified, and ashamed that I’ve ended up here, again. While I’ve been in an adolescent psych ward before (like 6 years ago) I’ve never had to go to an adult one and there’s so many more things that are affected negatively by me having to take time out now. It puts my job up in the air, it fucks with my course work. It worries my family and partner. I feel like such a fucking failure. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything about wanting to die and just gone through with it, it’d be better than this.",5.510029325513202,5.526245193548392,6.230351906158358,80.5109824046921,67.49462365591397,9.559335288367548,30.349951124144678,9.339509955726095,2.4108021505376347,730,25,150,13,11,240,124,186,0.153,0.7809999999999999,0.066,-0.9524,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,14,9,3,1,11,0,15,3,0,2,1,23,31,8,2,3,1,0,1,3,1,2,1,2,1,2,10,11,0,1,2,0,1,4,3,4,2,1,8,3,10,5,28,16,3,29,0,0,0,2,6,11,2,2,16,95,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520629672672226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906687885983665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408375779925478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898828704949255,0.0,0.18374565090276926,0.15485245348140173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171528049732466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507734693970768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505881852961585,0.0,0.0885305230440558,0.1250839893167549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32373488299032643,0.0,0.0,0.1990148202907506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733861612164375,0.0,0.11735881569469045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242790981715833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374933357214892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566196886288004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751329365889906,0.17590095822070648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350398330937687,0.0,0.0,0.16430965526502728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864519128456118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760133294007328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495254948944511,0.16655023027331994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18662213377441392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915195186060141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164553018986222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163216982256826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209610816017492,0.0,0.0,0.16730554132073294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327233633629238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746725713403978,0.17781190837625455,0.0,0.12437857268145375,0.0,0.0,0.11275191146614152
suicidewatch,RamblingBrit,2019/03/27,I don’t know I’m so tired of everything I just want to stop feeling like this but I don’t want to let people down and I’m scared if I fail people will find out and I’m scared of I don’t people won’t care and I just don’t know what to do anymore I don’t want to be a burden anymore I know I’ve got it better than a lot of people but I hurts and I don’t know what to do I wish someone would just kill me so I don’t have to do it myself cause I’m a coward this is the third time this week I’ve broken down I don’t think I can manage another I can’t sleep I feel like I’m failing everything I just want it to stop,-2.3990144825150104,-0.7108009261744925,0.9315083009537268,102.35177322500886,95.17449664429527,3.942211232779937,13.211232779936418,5.399115186594226,-1.352793288590604,478,8,131,3,19,170,64,149,0.29,0.563,0.147,-0.9833,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,1,2,4,0,20,2,1,1,0,30,39,9,1,7,7,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,8,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,1,2,19,4,14,33,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,80,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551161893199702,0.0,0.0,0.2752435410184593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273009159298855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148446073897722,0.14255420708922434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24943364080654895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033176688772472,0.1982735064317919,0.0,0.0,0.1268325463091715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098641613294384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855531219199494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535275733834753,0.0,0.30505572048782176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419009217954039,0.0,0.1355912555550157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797662212691387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848203974013394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778643806147163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886943007562447,0.0,0.11757870352123305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23203455083174704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891770818518976,0.0,0.0,0.08091744382526596,0.15949479611921785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273987079345138,0.0,0.11131229192577384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595777460318858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857766715484026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GruitBrute,2019/03/27,"Constantly thinking of suicide I'm thinking of suicide every single day. I haven't done it, because I sincerely believe things will get better and I won't see that if I check out. But I'm thinking about it more and more. Multiple times a day. The void is calling and it's tempting me further each day. I'm researching methods. Contemplating what it will be to finally send me over the edge. I'm not sure what to do. I'm optimistic but utterly hopeless.",1.7729826353421885,4.4581396179775306,3.6081511746680315,83.6047497446374,85.40449438202249,6.831869254341166,30.562819203268646,8.00094639256281,2.706788764044944,362,20,66,8,11,121,58,89,0.133,0.802,0.066,-0.7764,0,0,1,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,13,18,6,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,3,7,13,4,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,6,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288204657262062,0.0,0.0,0.2380885192238192,0.0,0.1868979136719797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157842869673697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283649585762349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088573243159356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625667514796568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804863999866452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314938847719743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040748234661456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839697464907175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623058614854298,0.0,0.19916931273307806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403935309024521,0.406221504423336,0.0,0.0,0.1232240702692982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meatymeat123,2019/03/27,"I am ready to give up Fuck it, my dad did it too. I don’t like my friends and I can’t make more. I took interest in PC gaming and they all think it’s stupid. I rarely get invited anywhere and they all just make plans without me. I can’t get them to do anything I want to do. ",-0.4799999999999969,0.9808631428571459,1.8034126984127,100.83464285714287,84.23809523809524,5.469841269841268,20.02380952380953,6.42735559955562,-0.22844761904761895,210,6,57,2,6,71,41,63,0.107,0.6970000000000001,0.196,0.5829,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,2,5,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,2,11,16,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,13,3,6,14,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,1,37,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730351970120609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563404101298748,0.30673484266037604,0.3466935393162197,0.31828354766284644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209601117233086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429452851779485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125978664392036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686312995996099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569855151030247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198340683653142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ultimatetoast27,2019/03/27,Alone Everyone who could bring me any solace in this shitty life have abandoned me or no longer care enough to put up with me. It's a matter of time now. I just need to find a way to overcome my cowardice.,3.3717829457364346,4.15022323255814,3.9953488372093036,91.94713178294576,72.48837209302326,6.663565891472868,23.635658914728683,6.42735559955562,0.4403705426356588,161,4,36,1,3,51,38,43,0.235,0.677,0.08800000000000001,-0.7992,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441349044918404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595722111540725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33877474868439755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652931727407389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34332711528869897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175013534917953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036917536842597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346944405991663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24637642317055305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340264158387712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375121870564865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637430596229541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tang249steve,2019/03/27,"Endless cycle. Day in and day out I make leaps and bounds to attempt to soften my depression. Recently I’ve found that I am indeed stronger, but tonight it has taken a hold of me. I don’t see the light coming back for quite some time. Talking doesn’t mend the scars as it once would, writing just seems to be digging the hole even further down, and substances only heighten the emotions. I know being a random post on an internet site that is supposed to provide entertainment is silly. But this is a method I have yet to properly try to be vulnerable in. So here’s my useless post. Thank you. ",4.098065134099613,5.727165396551722,4.7970114942528745,83.62691570881229,71.75862068965517,7.224521072796936,30.13026819923372,7.793537801064563,2.008211877394636,470,20,89,6,9,151,88,116,0.076,0.838,0.086,0.027000000000000003,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,8,0,12,0,0,1,0,18,20,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,9,3,14,14,1,17,0,2,1,0,3,7,0,3,7,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757559620069426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689252564740048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948170469483731,0.0,0.19686671572950948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571101061271385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509681066537316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506148376798607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561590911683854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525720248583843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24341923128187304,0.0,0.17383752837905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378131091355972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24311197169026175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568496726432524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214042831742064,0.2080812366281399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371563697420906,0.0,0.2104362362957812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328080854562802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518379740249494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236933054027702,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uwuhe312,2019/03/27,"im too weak im too weak to deal with my dad constantly ruining my familys life. i want to take mine and his because i cant handle it anymore. 
my brothers moving because of this problem and i cant go with him. without my brother im going to be alone. i dont wanna be alone. 
im so fucking lonely and isolated. i cant do this everyday",-0.7702402402402413,1.2596789729729707,2.9247747747747748,88.73809309309307,90.35135135135135,5.451051051051049,25.78978978978979,6.937597516519254,1.34962042042042,260,13,56,4,9,96,43,74,0.278,0.7040000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.9536,0,4,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,9,12,4,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,0,0,12,0,8,10,0,5,0,2,0,1,6,0,1,0,2,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430712037457844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642536297003649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192463206023564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897975285217596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075016311080488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410906186742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156134736429467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311590461811536,0.0,0.0,0.1882548705271312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7156055579764158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698450694458486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760311643195229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847895690732633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245279733698298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768880668092957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965477635571335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chicknlcker,2019/03/27,"My children's friend just committed suicide ...and I don't know what to do, what to say, how to tell them.

Long / rambling maybe. Just need to get thoughts out of my head.

I have a 13 y.o. daughter and an 11 y.o. son. Their 13 y.o. (M) friend/acquaintance from up the street committed suicide. His name is Matthew. He overdosed on his ADHD meds two nights ago. The doctors diagnosed him as brain dead this evening. His mom's birthday was yesterday.

My daughter met him a couple of years ago at a youth tech camp at the local university. They hit it off well. He has been over to hang out a few times. He came over to play video games, swim in the pool, eat popsicles, ride bikes, kid stuff.

My kids were never super close to him, he was just another kid from the neighborhood. They go to different schools. But, he was part of our community so we kept giving him chances hoping things would get better. Just wanted to show him that people are good and that we care about him.

On his good days he was an awesome kid. But, he was struggling. He had some really bad days too, and you never knew what you were going to get. Parents are below poverty line, too many kids (he was the oldest by 4 yrs), I think they have 6 kids total, one car that barely runs, no money for anything extra, barely money for groceries. Parents were trying, but nothing ever went right for them financially.

One day he told my daughter that they were dating. I didn't think much of it...They were 11 or 12 y.o. at the time. I told him he couldn't come back for a while the day that he told my daughter and my son that he was going to marry my daughter, and he would kill anyone that got in his way. Had a talk with my kids that this type of talk/ behavior is not ok. Only they get to decide who they are on a relationship with, and to make sure that person makes them happy.

He started stealing petty things/small toys from my son. Again, told him he had to take a break from coming over. Had a couple of heart to hearts with him. I think he wanted to be a good kid, he just had far more shit to deal with than a kid should.

Last summer, he started talking to my kids about shooting people for fun, lighting cars on fire, hurting animals just because.

This last fall he had a ""schizophrenic episode"". He was kept at a psych ward for a few days. They released him to his parents. He missed a lot of school. 

Parents do not have health insurance. They couldn't get the care he needed. Got turned away from psychiatrists when they couldn't afford to pay, all of the free/sliding scale help they could get had a long waiting period.

I guess he couldn't deal with his demons any longer and decided to end it. DAMN IT. He was just a kid. 

I'm sad right now. We've offered help to his mom and dad. But, I'm not sure what kind of help we could possibly be. They just lost their son. I am a complete mess. I have no idea how to deal with this. I can't imagine what they are going through.

I am also selfish because I am relieved that it is not one of my children and I feel horrible for thinking this way.

My kids have spring break beginning Friday. I don't want them to carry a bunch of baggage (for lack of a better term) through school the next couple of days. Do I wait to tell them until spring break starts? Do I tell them sooner so they aren't mad at me for not telling them? How, what, when do I tell my kids that one of their buddies committed suicide? What can I/my family do to help his family members? We aren't close friends with them, we can't help financially. We can watch their other kids for a night or two, we can com some meals for them, I can invite them over for a beer or a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what I would want.

TL/DR: How, what, when do I tell my kids that the 13 y.o. boy they sometimes hang out with committed suicide by overdosing on ADHD meds? What can I/my family do to help/console his family?





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suicidewatch,jlyons617,2019/03/27,"I’m just tired of doing this. I’m 31 with a 3 year old and wife. I feel like I’m only a paycheck. I’m the guy that provides money for a vacation and a trip to Hawaii. I don’t feel worthwhile and know my family would be fine with my life insurance. I could fake an accident easy (cell tower climbing) and things would be fine. 
Things would be easy for everyone and life would be good.",1.7420105820105825,3.3469057407407448,3.345079365079364,91.69,78.01234567901234,7.097707231040566,21.447971781305114,7.957251820313856,0.7899897707231038,299,8,68,5,7,99,51,81,0.108,0.688,0.204,0.7269,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,6,0,11,3,0,0,0,16,18,5,0,5,1,1,2,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,6,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240308819954075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633103100249456,0.0,0.0,0.20356024035080114,0.0,0.21836209309830545,0.1542609304742303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111242081962148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380533499174467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866986198967185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050364690847283,0.10549282969019028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658293921851086,0.0,0.0,0.16422502250237092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869095157685837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24818056731762264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6135638768063402,0.0,0.0,0.1390522869515261
suicidewatch,marigoldtheunicorn,2019/03/27,"Life has become such a burden I have divorced parents, terrible anxiety depression, and daily panic attacks. I have tried to get help but my parents don’t do well with mental issues and tend to ignore them until they “go away.” I have been contemplating suicide for a while and the only thing that keep me from doing it is my two year old sister. I want to see her grow up and be there for her but I don’t know how much longer I can do this for.  I might finally get the courage to do it sometime soon and maybe then I will finally be at peace with terrible person I am for making the ones I love suffer.",4.408231707317075,4.933758065040653,5.563973577235775,82.55620426829269,69.97560975609754,8.426422764227643,26.757113821138212,8.472884824447931,1.7209845528455283,474,14,96,7,8,158,84,123,0.21,0.6459999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8126,2,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,11,1,1,5,0,18,2,0,2,0,16,28,11,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,8,1,2,1,1,17,3,15,23,1,13,0,2,1,1,11,3,0,1,8,77,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030632502609116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937814205910008,0.16003597362307675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812237027042164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670986714746262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731888116982564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798671952010678,0.0,0.0968056894007714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417241232572255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778618993902845,0.0,0.1514021742524731,0.0,0.0,0.09361203223129036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031312456638665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373459689508515,0.0,0.11370038563627892,0.0,0.17112508005116822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165829686403525,0.180699233085544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521632008397038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873863720368854,0.0,0.11542386159592095,0.1295479563380155,0.0,0.1998522135575478,0.3782752180914601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873054112015105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357354794161644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846633789222454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631958168012608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316345358154252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564674209143685,0.0,0.1663932035805868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004683942678992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315222817654994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969058992479322
suicidewatch,me_vs_mymind,2019/03/27,My memories and thoughts make me want to kill myself A lot of awful and embarrassing memories just keep coming back to me. I feel so much shame. I also have a lot of unpleasant thoughts that aren't memories. No matter what I do the thoughts and memories come back to me. It has gotten so bad I want to kill myself to escape it. I wish I could actually stab my brain.,2.186525096525095,4.2841436756756766,4.159884169884169,84.06716216216219,78.45945945945945,8.012355212355214,24.08494208494209,8.841846274778883,1.8684888030888032,288,10,59,7,7,98,46,74,0.34,0.562,0.098,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,2,3,1,5,1,1,1,0,19,17,6,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,1,13,0,7,12,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.1853787177651178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191517177075922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29214316044014466,0.1586130801962579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206408612801853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272765489878611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516718244422157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096052157171652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688498758961389,0.4203368898108514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32300338839690523,0.0,0.0,0.12680330450218244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964634398904116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524336568083854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240928967813952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845070553719986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spitesubject,2019/03/27,"I ruined my own life :') I'm in my early twenties and I'm already an abject failure! And there are so many fucking things piling up over my head (also, this got *so* long and who even cares?):

I still live at home (which I realize isn't *that* uncommon these days but I still feel so ashamed of it somehow), I've never had a job because I was too depressed and lazy in high school to do anything with myself (and my resume is shit and even food service jobs won't hire me, I've tried applying to volunteer somewhere and they've turned me down too--fucking pathetic), I'm in college, in a degree I'm even passionate about, but I can't make any friends at university and I can see all these opportunities passing me by: opportunities to meet people and try new things and make connections and have fun and enjoy my life. (I've had professors in smaller classes express concern about this, too. So...)

I don't go out, I don't do anything, I have no more hobbies, I have no fond memories of friendships or parties or literally anything, I don't have any interpersonal connections or support systems (I haven't had even one close friend in eight years now), the only people who care about me are my family and even they are growing sick of me because it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I have three dead plants in my room because I can't even do that right. I'm too ashamed to get rid of them. I can hardly stand eating because I don't do anything to warrant it (but somehow I'm still fucking overweight, go figure). I don't pay for anything, I'm just a parasite.

I can't manage the emotional symptoms of my ADHD. I can't manage my body dysmorphic disorder. I can't stop thinking about how I'm only getting older and uglier all the time, or how the more I cry and treat myself like shit the faster I'll age, and I can't even leave the house to do anything with my youth while I still have it because I'm already ugly enough that nobody would want to be near me, seen with me, associated with me. People in public stare at me like I'm some kind of fucked up animal. I'm scared something is visibly, noticeably wrong with me and I'm the only one incapable of seeing it.

I'm scared people who are kind to me only do so out of a sense of obligation or because they feel bad for me. I can't move past these fears. I feel literally subhuman when I leave the house.

Whenever I hurt myself I see what I've done after the fact and I hate it so much that I have to do it again to punish myself. I hate myself for hating myself. I don't have anyone. Nobody checks in. I'm regarded by most people I talk to as incompetent and annoying. I don't know how to find people who will tolerate me. I can't even make a phone call to get waitlisted for therapy.

My life so far has been ruined by my own failures and my own complete lack of initiative and I don't know how to drag myself out of it. It's not something that can really be fixed but as a result I don't know what to do now that I've screwed myself over. I feel cornered by it and I don't know how to get out. I'm so ashamed and I just want it to stop, I want to get out of this shit with some sense of dignity or control. And if anyone made any effort to save me I'd at least feel in the end like maybe my life was worth something.",3.0186643766995864,4.133771837956207,4.652322885358526,85.63047803062835,73.68613138686132,7.591527121797625,26.424073278946608,8.060288974870295,1.508535709174181,2579,89,549,38,51,871,263,685,0.219,0.6729999999999999,0.109,-0.9985,2,0,3,0,0,2,74.0,0,0,3,4,42,42,12,6,18,0,60,19,5,11,5,93,114,53,1,6,14,0,6,3,2,3,7,0,3,0,32,37,3,3,13,0,3,5,25,24,0,4,10,11,83,18,82,99,15,65,0,4,5,5,15,33,7,12,28,372,115,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222808311007603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264288516902584,0.04806165704100223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260943975809935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404612548398231,0.0,0.2967412766871034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018068553490489,0.2198170809776896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675714688789308,0.0,0.0,0.06136844770047785,0.0,0.1225511682708293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301332469962137,0.0,0.06740685193267161,0.0,0.0,0.06601662787187754,0.03875929317632843,0.0,0.0517637282552197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887938942243285,0.0,0.0,0.06150279357784756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149693132050595,0.0,0.06760400109240475,0.05323043880751206,0.06209898943336086,0.0,0.31756194109586194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665658790769041,0.06762879897557497,0.15194090827868698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054929978330372886,0.0,0.07267271817596155,0.0,0.0928656590809116,0.22224457948166304,0.15699789593934207,0.0,0.0683120160508904,0.0,0.048067168960617995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053837468911046585,0.17800784367845413,0.06167956508274777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349856492846917,0.0602848349386309,0.0,0.0,0.13869382117811646,0.06433790314101727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927923002389362,0.0,0.0,0.125169044622535,0.13211675239181594,0.0,0.0,0.12727367323330033,0.0,0.0,0.1698006005098764,0.08808493891547556,0.0,0.05306907949344868,0.05318628646344495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056867728548445615,0.1203509207463382,0.06093159769688124,0.06037816210765065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387640165049079,0.044180147470451535,0.0,0.046352544158942834,0.05804460276638574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842383370332536,0.0,0.0,0.08145013722647458,0.18283392489640274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737190279277755,0.24999312130989498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03850136563672663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513247605998607,0.0,0.0,0.12034043981694588,0.06082404000253086,0.14367488583493998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507423750098345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880290753901142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198258715551986,0.10049197323545343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820035450023126,0.0,0.0624665333424362,0.0,0.048305810727466064,0.0,0.0,0.06872917127985023,0.0,0.07985505506223814,0.03850941990782775,0.0,0.0,0.0350445809471982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160741533772356,0.06537114571253066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634496697951143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269305693409805,0.06570951715544443,0.0,0.038702195015381004
suicidewatch,TankOfInertGas,2019/03/27,"Dying is the best thing I can do I’ve been a fuck up since about the age of 9 (I’m turning 26 very soon, so this has been a thing for quite a while), and started having suicidal thoughts around that time. I’ve always been the “smart kid;” people always told me about the great things I would do (which is basically taunting me). I’m now 26, still in college (despite starting when I was 16), with a shit GPA and no internship, so my job prospects are bleak.

I’ve always been blessed with good friends. I’ve never sought out friends in my life, yet good people always seem to find me and care about me. I wish this good luck could have been given to someone more deserving. Maybe they just feel pity for me and I leech off of that.

My family isn’t perfect, but it’s more than a lot of people have. My mother and father are slightly idiosyncratic in ways that make them resent each other, but they’re able to be supportive despite their disputes. My older brother, funny enough, has huge admiration for me. He always wants to get into what I like and be like me when it comes to video games, music, comedy, etc. If I’m unable to bring myself to do the deed, it’s because of him; I couldn’t kill my brother’s idol.

I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I would overwhelm anyone in that situation. No one else should have to shoulder my problems, and no one would want to anyway.

My lack of academic, professional, and romantic success weighs heavily on me. This is greatly exacerbated as my friends graduate and get married, while I remain at my parents’ house. They say they won’t drift away, but they do, and I can’t blame them. Their spouses and jobs are simply more important than my unpleasant self.

Most significantly, my psychological state is in complete disarray, despite years of treatment by quality psychologists and psychiatrists. I can’t sleep, I can’t stay awake, I can’t focus, I can’t face the day, I can’t do my homework, I can’t do what I’m supposed to do. This combined with my failures obviously leads to suicidal ideation.

Things go from bad to worse when going from my mental state to my emotional state. I am gradually becoming bitter and spiteful, even towards my friends. I hate that I’m incapable and they’re capable. I hate that I can’t find happiness and they can. It makes me want to give them my pain by hurting the one they care about: me. These are depraved thoughts that must be stopped through the most straightforward means: termination.

With access to industrial and laboratory supplies, I have access to quite the foolproof and painless suicide (obviously this sub won’t let me go into any more detail). It actually makes me feel relief to know I can die easily whenever I want. It takes the feeling of having to rush away.

I guess I made this post to let anyone who wants to plead their case for me not to go through with this. Say your piece if you would like. I’ll answer questions as best I can.",4.349433022807581,6.052222952296822,5.042012528107937,81.8254055573402,71.24381625441696,8.113652425313202,28.764696434307734,8.710501217029153,2.197319434628976,2325,90,446,42,44,749,274,566,0.163,0.6629999999999999,0.173,-0.6667,3,0,0,0,0,1,75.0,0,2,12,7,17,39,8,1,16,0,59,8,4,5,6,79,104,31,6,18,7,6,3,3,4,8,2,2,1,2,30,28,1,1,12,2,0,9,18,14,0,3,12,6,73,25,68,77,14,52,1,3,0,1,36,18,2,9,22,305,103,10,0.07160286880991015,0.0,0.06987407112047132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978966141803609,0.0,0.0,0.048692406157733584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013278144302687,0.0,0.0,0.06374173393056247,0.0,0.0,0.13454650453843633,0.0,0.059785404602446725,0.043648444232720775,0.07907974304884936,0.0,0.0,0.15028558654009955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460077936655065,0.0,0.0,0.061679531328442665,0.07507424564560311,0.0,0.0,0.05716906436625058,0.0,0.0,0.046177926824850016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862494637922102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059815009011232774,0.08054358992848558,0.0,0.0739849041339642,0.07985612608662362,0.04729301954620667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750081222185085,0.0,0.10861368568732643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088744979383224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128079529576333,0.06619569842150541,0.07481908730750607,0.06868799628656704,0.16277424173372476,0.1801712675479554,0.0,0.15788483128651726,0.07887863257292457,0.0,0.0,0.07622258529808469,0.0,0.14138601792413902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262009702144657,0.07665235198676595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210959757985908,0.0,0.07921796549055572,0.0,0.03935106412113385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643756920183654,0.050575223788842466,0.10494463469974777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087419851936592,0.0,0.067752365752876,0.1433864128080104,0.0,0.07193470579924896,0.0779965152342714,0.0,0.0,0.07215885058591222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044909320609296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555987100721515,0.0,0.07619050079135961,0.0,0.07950651218517912,0.0,0.0,0.14892124077245275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857575545882201,0.0,0.0,0.0685142752724263,0.0,0.0,0.08021160015344732,0.15231692950135042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687468447624335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388295041271315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518456254886226,0.07469740817417052,0.0,0.07349931587249943,0.05923063300318757,0.08048462458493866,0.07165457954543578,0.0,0.06066887838254505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136175816319523,0.07631913108651985,0.057182143524790514,0.059863204489312864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23496575058649635,0.08125408699310134,0.0,0.0,0.05383644625808026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902790575918192,0.0,0.0,0.1136893594340189,0.041752208618076436,0.0,0.0,0.06841960962140049,0.0,0.0,0.07788335998380562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907986562723164,0.21116613595223094,0.0568350244221009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823397654220674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729694405215178,0.20345849446356576,0.0,0.0,0.04610989992131312
suicidewatch,DufauxZ,2019/03/27,"I’m going to commit suicide after Avengers: Endgame Not going to get into why I’m doing it, since that’s an entire essay to write out and that’ll probably bore most people. I grew up with Marvel and the only thing that gives me any sort of happiness are those movies. I wanted to end it awhile ago, but I just wanted this once last thing before I go. Once I finish this arc of the movies and get closure on the story, I feel like I can just end it all and die in peace.",5.93030303030303,4.501912333333337,6.554222222222228,83.33800000000002,67.08080808080808,8.72808080808081,25.86060606060606,6.742157984588678,1.0031357575757571,367,6,79,2,5,121,68,99,0.093,0.775,0.132,0.4684,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,2,19,15,5,2,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,2,13,14,2,15,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,7,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213614282595385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320546504717201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652398749266084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153671685383506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439862544866385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818740012849103,0.1387281051372568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202910663132974,0.1862830378897754,0.33108492618410584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067169740386876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582893195026666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487055681238893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136082392334913,0.0,0.14768889386209927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462566308126264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936774803450825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606345045491736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241039767071948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580200530754131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290744900492593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522466699105382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,madisoncmiller,2019/03/27,"what defines an attempt? I think maybe I've attempted a few times, but it makes me feel really fake to say that because I'm not sure. but at the same time I feel like I'm faking all the issues I probably have, so.  

is there anything specific that classifies a suicide attempt as being such? or is it just doing something with the intent of dying?",2.9552173913043482,4.8901473478260895,4.6283333333333365,82.36250000000003,75.52173913043478,7.498550724637681,27.44202898550725,8.344100000000001,2.1006985507246374,273,11,51,5,6,92,54,69,0.228,0.7290000000000001,0.042,-0.9457,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,2,2,14,11,5,2,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,2,5,10,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274046000844854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845454043179606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28679770240520425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794520145171833,0.197417634034638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884275778136207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500595893615094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184459360070618,0.0,0.27762107033874445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979416854229957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703073370325395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975697429794505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127403375213996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022715412354345,0.0,0.2604475527660042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770677675460514,0.0,0.0,0.32227261422060205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,epicSMURPHY,2019/03/28,"I think I'm gonna do it within the next couple of hours. Jumping off a bridge, hopefully it's high enough.

Probably gonna pussy out, but oh well I'll get it out.",1.0549999999999995,2.3130678333333385,3.184444444444445,93.605,79.0,7.022222222222222,20.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.4713999999999996,126,3,31,2,3,43,29,36,0.0,0.857,0.14300000000000002,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657906654277969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34158701896450144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271921410305124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492856437819446,0.0,0.3283496717270513,0.3255637730229265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35158536805030344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35643107504259536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182821280019629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29723939583926795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Logan_On_Reddit,2019/03/28,"My friend cuts, and I’m really worried. What can I do? Not sure if this is the best subreddit for this, but most of the other ones need 15 days or karma, and this fits the subreddit in a way. I’m a boy in 7th grade, (yes pretty young for this kind of post) and I mainly hang out with a group of friends that includes me, 2 more boys, and a girl. Recently, the girl and I (since January) have been FaceTiming and just generally talking a lot more. She has let me in on a little more about her life, and showed me scars from 2 different spots where she cut herself. She is most of the time pretty sad when she texts and calls and stuff, and usually I’m able to make her happier by just talking through it and stuff. But, I still don’t want her to not ask for help or tell someone and end up cutting herself again so I really wanted to know what I should do. Thanks if you can help. ",3.645163934426229,4.043412491803277,4.607773224043719,89.18903688524594,71.62295081967213,8.504371584699454,25.632513661202182,8.59863814320734,1.3791169398907104,678,19,157,11,12,221,112,183,0.098,0.762,0.14,0.9042,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,8,10,3,0,11,1,12,1,0,1,1,35,22,20,0,6,10,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,11,14,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,20,6,21,19,8,21,1,1,0,0,24,9,0,7,9,111,31,1,0.15569383539600906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555271897240274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633910747018035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589808135536894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040964360078927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266692024517193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789852578220346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405773420233983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871659196149564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213117075204853,0.08556526018808965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920749527250005,0.10997116035393444,0.0,0.15604612530495954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236533118944496,0.0,0.0,0.10392684410928137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544500615671573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550217225246633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911165655816688,0.3167932070838694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994829154463752,0.0,0.15372887940930338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879154953528013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191888148544578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433729806517888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564643842093376,0.0,0.0,0.14673959729988167,0.0,0.0,0.25028161462729304,0.1360832746196929,0.14334196550616027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907863274760706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147476342932064,0.0,0.18366451600949013,0.12358251958583548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581146474032654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zwiseman76,2019/03/28,"Not sure to put this here but concered redditor is contemplating suicide [https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/b6s2dz/my\_title/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/comments/b6s2dz/my_title/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)

Im sorry if im not allowed to post this here but came across this post and Im concered for his well being. I dont know what specifically to do but reply adn spread this to see if anyone can help this guy out. As a fellow person dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts in the past",14.754148727984346,20.024093534246585,8.19769080234834,54.863698630136994,52.01369863013698,7.4590998043052865,26.866927592954998,8.418075326091056,2.0826297455968703,480,12,56,6,7,122,52,73,0.239,0.6890000000000001,0.071,-0.9489,1,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,16,9,8,2,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,2,1,2,2,10,6,0,8,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,2,1,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550166287980655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455282746779367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873763739759931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890018306158244,0.14110540843527716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200600155236205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622161576794385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981091583341801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308892867513793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003596212908856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639301976799885,0.0,0.14304889070933674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138051922793203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469308066865568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055025292146674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339280274173705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584039871842918,0.0,0.15440659908340804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130061677988833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473016650468598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadboiDee,2019/03/28,"I need someone to talk right now I need really someone to talk,im in a really low place right now and i dont do anything i will regret or make me my family and friends
That's only reason I'm still alive 
Just please don't judge me if we talk about my problem
Im not going to do it but getting close to doing it
",0.8883333333333319,2.242621928571431,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,79.71428571428572,6.3809523809523805,20.238095238095237,7.1686216300943375,0.35395238095238035,245,6,57,3,6,86,48,70,0.085,0.8290000000000001,0.086,0.0138,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,15,12,5,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,6,11,0,10,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980819027782294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133563334510243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716165879555179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064814118062266,0.0,0.09511142203340524,0.0,0.1034608290400159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932814279204157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121516991748268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269969322762713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384540417627981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901991249187121,0.19983163199069634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419325429528154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332464148023982,0.1871734123119844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109322540260598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30849364801362306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538201898155145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43896457878718304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredtodeath1,2019/03/28,"What should I do Recently My depression has gotten worse and worse and I don’t know what to do. I’ve made multiple plans to kill myself but I have a lot of things in my way. My friends need me, my mom would be completely sad and I don’t want to do that to her. I’m also concerned about the body, my original plan was to swallow a bunch of pills and go into the woods but it would take too long to find the body and once they do I don’t know what the hell it would look like, I also thought about the same tactic but to just let it happen in my bed but than I thought about my moms reaction, so now I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of going to the hospitals and doing what the suicide hotline told me but than again I have no form of transportation and the hospital closest to me is a few miles. It’s all just dumb and hopeless.",1.6045000000000016,2.9990504500000017,3.1188888888888897,94.07500000000002,77.83333333333334,6.8000000000000025,22.555555555555557,7.554174236665415,0.6521222222222218,651,19,155,9,15,214,96,180,0.193,0.746,0.06,-0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,1,2,11,8,3,0,11,0,21,4,2,2,1,34,39,16,2,6,7,2,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,11,9,1,0,7,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,6,1,22,2,22,27,6,14,1,3,1,0,6,5,2,1,6,115,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383158988470312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310183302976641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622720937730852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833639314903347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618639020584405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511964203090608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936410966159735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317631971423979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648501636574523,0.0,0.2456650831775221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236605168432552,0.0,0.07279552518208962,0.0,0.0,0.1318633027369218,0.12512531202432958,0.0,0.0,0.12667734555275964,0.0,0.14099060122760576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490219163840331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104841185062581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868373711657996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712286218284115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298551386342572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203199831530927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989912250029218,0.09547534962831518,0.0,0.23658408029985695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237911531332548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788605426830155,0.11827194777648795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30369434856034083,0.31754317883059263,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KurkTheMagnificent,2019/03/28,"University has ruined me I won't kill myself; mainly because I don't have access to the tools. 

​

Engineering is one hell of a field. I have no real interest, and was pushed in by my parents and myself. I would have preferred a blue collar trade, but instead I'm drowning in debt, have no income, am borderline about to fail my classes, and still have at least 3 more years to go. There is no way I can make it through with a GPA, internship, and skills to land an actual engineering job. My worst fear is to work in a field that's not related to my degree. I have always been asocial by nature, and I recognize this as being detrimental to success in college and any type of environment where networking is needed. I am empty on the inside, and go through the movements, because what else am I to do? 

If I drop out my parents promised to disown me. I don't have the skills or resources to support myself, so I just go on like this. Each day I find myself becoming more stupid. I can't calculate integrals like I used to. Hell I can't even solve matrices. Where I live there are hardly and computer engineering jobs anyway so what is the point? 

This is more of a bitch rant than anything. But I am going insane. Azula insane. ",3.4989256198347114,5.321964057851243,4.878586776859502,81.63697107438018,73.71074380165291,7.815206611570248,26.97603305785124,8.548686976883017,2.030516694214876,970,36,184,18,20,323,140,242,0.237,0.68,0.083,-0.9923,6,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,5,13,15,5,1,11,0,30,0,0,2,0,24,39,15,2,4,6,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,2,0,2,6,9,9,0,1,2,2,29,6,30,34,7,23,2,2,1,0,2,12,3,2,5,142,36,11,0.0,0.0,0.15534235242990466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245531592941145,0.17247771943298662,0.19342813894938732,0.10825178491422767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309963283515602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940763404303732,0.17580818059936446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266165500705424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297928775898366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051407022950583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912825183334732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549291338320255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618757748108753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259918607531313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159346355082321,0.0,0.1761154734035329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554025661439427,0.0,0.1405639547066285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625774012641837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803423425610925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786840010447334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35351392693431183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048200965445768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811882608146365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271259646058173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806421297005907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748539833461892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635425777493586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588913923849503,0.0,0.0,0.11308100646277272,0.0,0.19342813894938732,0.10251041923311853
suicidewatch,Solluxander413,2019/03/28,"Why don't I I've got some kind of .308 rifle and some ammo. Why don't I just blow my God damn head off in the middle of the woods?

Because my dad would miss the gun more than me. ",-0.8164285714285741,0.5608737857142891,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,84.95238095238095,4.2,12.88095238095238,3.1291,-1.7691619047619052,137,1,38,0,4,46,32,42,0.16,0.789,0.05,-0.5574,0,0,0,2,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,3,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23189141312581715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042447025224512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904053709859575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961333647234731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6865128541174764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702288628092678,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoughBouis,2019/03/28,What do I do? I have been in a back and forth struggle with depression and so has my friend. People think I'm happy and say that I cant be depressed because I'm to young. I think about it in my sleep and in my day. But I cant ,-0.7558490566037719,0.6006643584905689,1.9024905660377376,100.30241509433964,84.66037735849056,4.994716981132076,18.147169811320754,5.6839178017228535,-0.6585290566037738,173,4,47,1,5,60,35,53,0.111,0.705,0.183,0.5948,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,8,1,1,0,0,8,12,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,8,2,6,10,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326284515905908,0.0,0.1844207132921519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951081270614348,0.0,0.5211407764144211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337354905980091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220509641694609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097376124960081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405856075298903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027505081272123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162721573076904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3877006094129365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Winterisnowcold,2019/03/28,"I can't do this anymore I have tried to make my life better -- I really have. I have been patient and resilient; I have been open to trying whatever people tell me to attempt to improve things. But nothing is working, and I think it might be time to give up. ",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,73.61538461538461,6.7384615384615385,28.384615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.5228307692307697,200,8,40,2,4,66,38,52,0.0,0.884,0.116,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,7,14,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,6,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004244973105476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679163764226407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905974179966354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139679455246223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022076810624928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213601491984749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906688636255605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100130561036292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406428670912795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26477358788364314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125278732955787,0.1941048838762765,0.0,0.0,0.17664052929205462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41133826257279055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205361612044883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mrchromosomeman,2019/03/28,"I just made my situation worse. I tried killing myself using canned air. I got caught by my mom and now I won't be left alone. I went from feeling whatever the hell I was feeling to nearly violently angry because I now can't be left alone for even a second, which would be fine if she didn't throw my mind through the death roller coaster every single day.",4.282916666666669,5.25560479166667,4.939888888888888,85.294,70.52777777777777,7.426666666666668,26.9,7.554174236665415,1.3260133333333337,283,9,58,3,5,91,55,72,0.284,0.614,0.102,-0.9629,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,3,0,9,0,0,2,0,9,16,2,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,6,2,12,1,6,5,1,10,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,3,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417032871822959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299887206653637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752173156360098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084257103040038,0.0,0.1796633384234537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564043190129875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054697764358293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591773243800654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633703273252082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177221665247835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531094274453375,0.2497433343638852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396899492510529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477551247668055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417032184401308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767500182265385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173091020263427,0.15147910692309305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thedagmarchild,2019/03/28,"Almost lost someone today... I found out one of my closest friends, who is also my coworker, tried to kill himself last night or this morning.
He didn't succeed but I don't know anything beyond that right now. 
I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say.

But I'd like to believe that there's a better answer? I wish everyone the best & hope you find the meaning or answer you're looking for.",3.3701666666666696,4.617576350000004,4.507500000000004,86.4941666666667,73.0,6.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.2902083333333336,308,12,61,2,6,101,64,80,0.096,0.6559999999999999,0.248,0.9497,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,4,5,9,1,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,16,12,5,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,2,7,7,7,9,1,8,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,4,5,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829213043298893,0.0,0.0,0.15835948082466225,0.0,0.21455859551020975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295663185078987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310489772668451,0.2078136553744241,0.175135869848134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307927858134144,0.0,0.0,0.18922013084628755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099007370234446,0.0,0.0,0.2171227652838516,0.15299261889729648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966822148054913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908388367669293,0.0,0.1088286463945654,0.1614157448397573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674437693805543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629003390928018,0.0,0.21616626008071751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570586122676566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583182734488435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418598357187475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691111572601437,0.0,0.15747639381089595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778483784642936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866349931213396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770331267855872,0.0,0.0,0.2688901864806572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277174814827203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jade_Puppy,2019/03/28,"Looking for a way out. I don't have any hope for my life and I don't have faith that it will get better.  10 years ago I hung myself but survived.  Last year I stood on the edge of a bridge but couldn't bring myself to jump.  After the bridge incident hospitalization, things were looking up. I was fired from an abusive job and was part of a mental health care outpatient.  I had hope stuff would get better but it never did.  The outpatient group didn't follow through with goals and now I am not with them anymore. and my current job is just working hell that doesn't pay the bills.  I don't have a family to turn to. I am in debt trying to live with a house I got stuck with cause of BS with an ex. I wish I could just leave this small town and start over somewhere else but no clue how and scared because of my mental disability that has made so much of life so hard for me.   The last few days I've been cutting nightly, trying to go harder each night hoping I can go deep enough. ",2.7328633004926104,4.112147172413792,3.4251200738916268,93.1039855295567,74.81280788177341,6.257266009852216,21.061884236453203,6.6274283507984215,0.11768004926108365,768,17,173,6,16,242,126,203,0.18600000000000005,0.71,0.104,-0.9523,6,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,5,6,10,2,1,12,0,23,3,0,3,1,31,42,13,0,7,7,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,9,3,0,0,11,4,20,7,26,27,5,27,2,0,2,0,3,8,1,3,13,113,28,5,0.0,0.14911659314186082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115621142715603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558514071569942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481350314593917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671952438697567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261554427706692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831669815177624,0.12928688469245128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048430144365192,0.0,0.0,0.08116551793438861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051349967498806,0.0,0.0,0.13004098443258336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864409603659655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150720247198314,0.0,0.14305163251271685,0.0,0.1006570642704867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274060206831606,0.0,0.0,0.1337770809229505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750047177929092,0.0,0.14521879667682394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497816572572878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517586673449573,0.0,0.13326137760559015,0.0,0.0,0.1777890224062628,0.0,0.0,0.1111315240913026,0.0,0.2113715850366146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908624392061318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25366277284687305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925172844495239,0.0,0.09706648253675924,0.0,0.0,0.23621119662268966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628778481874212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260019639904045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908021825298464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407289644680285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361190791482402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089341910957284,0.1368931800583612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989716973502152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447260664695263,0.0,0.0,0.0916233233198568,0.0,0.0,0.08940318035455617,0.0,0.0,0.1620918982877426
suicidewatch,Zacollins,2019/03/28,"I hate that I need to drink at night It’s gotten to where I can’t even sleep unless I have a buzz
I just need a friend",-1.6545977011494273,-0.20823668965516795,0.7937931034482766,106.58885057471264,88.3103448275862,3.866666666666666,9.666666666666666,3.1291,-2.303216091954023,92,0,27,0,3,31,22,29,0.149,0.723,0.129,-0.128,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36897554483785455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877507870998036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29100038332784994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718658490731703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5585653372398286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534623655810349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769239908424525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon1947473993,2019/03/28,"What is the best way to kill myself? I have a lot of pills. Gabapentin, Zoloft, Bupropion, & Amoxicillin. Will these kill me? Also have like Tylenol and stuff.",1.7717241379310344,4.442126172413797,0.9133793103448262,98.84455172413792,97.6206896551724,5.078620689655172,19.593103448275865,6.742157984588678,0.3992427586206895,125,4,25,2,5,35,27,29,0.247,0.583,0.17,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443286374271245,0.0,0.3310367590010625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32063016999027444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6760374118709881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492643299467676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597468602097533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497536089811179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425119262784033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lehkoniemi,2019/03/28,"I just can’t imagine myself becoming older I’m about to turn 19, have never really had a job and know I won’t get one. I used to like school when I was in high school because I didn’t have to choose a path yet and just had general subjects but now... it just sucks. I don’t see myself studying in any programs in college (i’ve tried two but knew it wasn’t for me, just did it for my parents)... I have 0 interest in anything, can’t see myself doing anything later in life and can’t stop thinking about the future because it stresses me so much. My depression started when I started college and I don’t think I can get through it. It’s just so rough and I don’t feel like talking about this to anyone. The friends I have are good for chilling/doing homework at school with, but they don’t talk to me unless there’s a need to them to do so. There’s nothing that makes me interesting, I’m just a boring depressed kid since college and I don’t know if anything could change that. I’m always at home playing video games, on my computer or watching tv because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve considered suicide since a long time, more lately but thinking about my close family and what they’ve done for me since I was born (i’ve done nothing in return) restraints me from doing it but I’m always thinking about it and I’m crying a lot, especially lately. I always wish that life-ending accident happens to me so I can die without my parents thinking they failed with me or anything. It’s all on me, not them. Life just isn’t made for me.

Thank you for reading if you did it, I just fell like I needed to phrase this somewhere somehow. Also, sorry for my english, it’s far from perfect.",3.811183957732952,4.638583772334297,4.841257204610951,86.105036623439,71.507204610951,7.051344860710857,29.155739673390972,6.996647511020387,1.4988598463016336,1327,51,272,11,24,435,156,347,0.138,0.755,0.107,-0.9309,3,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,2,4,2,25,16,1,1,8,0,33,2,0,3,3,57,64,25,2,6,20,2,2,3,1,1,2,0,2,1,18,11,0,1,12,5,0,1,16,6,0,2,12,5,44,10,39,50,4,31,0,3,3,0,13,13,1,6,20,187,62,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331999038978643,0.22886632402893395,0.0,0.0,0.06234854350452139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410787197294546,0.0,0.3017938330949908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676698979713228,0.10125822872329894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698994996888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320254179276864,0.0,0.10071102036708372,0.0,0.0,0.15793529777695242,0.0,0.09515394356528692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764996929780287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659056074327651,0.0,0.08120517481287226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864319030316839,0.0,0.04635839303378477,0.06549936157153652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083514854205737,0.0,0.0958026412753014,0.0,0.0,0.07690053404897859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107622189662818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968696140948432,0.09196693977029193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098263082764732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116206367115728,0.0,0.20684801830620173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427823285841425,0.13437711623754112,0.0,0.0,0.08113781863661879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794680760676992,0.0,0.08675400656918482,0.06120005631513045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739859146323984,0.13596565812510047,0.07071266996425991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594733028407122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212772973679569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360937669879706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170922215093176,0.0,0.058735381430360764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783685563306091,0.14612121036782005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275268767764344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026331918540584,0.1297893960725746,0.0,0.0,0.07665227299163127,0.10502418308528637,0.0,0.0,0.1002878647035734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738491331196088,0.0,0.08441068750316306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937383427239509,0.0,0.0,0.05346191738812931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062247696778251024,0.0997263113779676,0.08956234732714617,0.0,0.0,0.07918589375772785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543254794062963,0.08838050048367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RyDavie15,2019/03/28,"I want to die I have no friends and am a loser, I spend most my time high and playing video games.

I sat in a bathtub today debating killing myself.



",-0.08241935483870932,2.193832935483872,1.89701612903226,95.26552419354843,90.61290322580645,4.390322580645162,23.87903225806452,5.985473137389443,0.4998322580645169,115,5,25,1,4,38,26,31,0.365,0.472,0.163,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,2,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385394556531338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264605366716001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464465290956076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4674881883628926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24639189161379185,0.0,0.4005273236953673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24923052170954765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifeishard_2019,2019/03/28,"I want an easy way out, Am i selfish? I am a single 31 year old female. Not boasting one bit but im not short of male attention if i wanted it, but i dont. I live by myself with my dog and my daily routine is wake up, have a coffee, walk dog, home. Then my daytime tv schedule starts from around 12pm untill around 11pm. Thats my life monday to sunday. 
Up untill about 2 years ago i have worked since school and was in 2 long term relationships. I ended the relationships and i quit my jobs. I dont know why the hell i dont have no interest in working or finding a partner. My friends ask me to go out and alls i do is lie and say im busy. But im not, i just dont have any interest. I dont even want to change anything about my life or i would make an effort. 
Basically i just want to die. I know this is bad but when i read the news and see people diagnosed with illness and not long left to live, alls i wish is for that to be me. 
Im adamant i dont want to be here anymore but struggle to bring myself to commit suicide as i struggle to find a painless simple method. Is anyone else feeling like this? Or can someone advise me? ",0.8116525579683476,2.3219081943319817,3.0728468899521566,93.02879186602871,80.417004048583,5.624512329775488,21.75358851674641,6.351523495107088,0.2018761133603237,872,26,205,7,22,299,137,247,0.162,0.727,0.11,-0.9688,1,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,0,4,9,9,1,2,9,0,23,5,1,1,3,46,38,21,2,8,15,0,1,1,2,1,4,1,1,2,5,13,0,0,6,2,0,3,11,5,0,1,1,3,33,4,29,34,5,30,1,0,1,0,8,10,1,4,17,130,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593500734233105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058253721086906574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495459538117622,0.05989750334931656,0.08777178167229263,0.07049328176202352,0.15251631549931308,0.08008326377914603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715249575775102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352171889562856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906200077201557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869460575950847,0.08890458344659646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023778046493813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156037515303068,0.0,0.07587191838762848,0.0,0.0,0.056579548792020026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331374473296962,0.06119760504240228,0.0,0.0,0.15658870850142612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618295720122745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868420985077514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592689030829424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37012260089051896,0.0,0.08500722714721322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415619784159816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307300999927076,0.0,0.1210125033032561,0.04185057425972255,0.0,0.1512838503095443,0.15161797183329034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057180662300893165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988882136917664,0.0,0.058047409553160664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938788070137078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111305671815127,0.08568609863180064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393982887665408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681225898798856,0.0,0.08669544535910552,0.06826225405755397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086125018327115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258191161273958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063265357835921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910696058592518,0.0,0.0937013275766374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526310395693459,0.06799523625773303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729745860505607,0.0,0.09850812699048776,0.0,0.0,0.12472724767633235,0.0,0.0,0.06085247846886312,0.0,0.0,0.11032821999636316
suicidewatch,jtop606,2019/03/28,I might buy a gun this weekend. Why shouldn't I? I'm really at the end of my line here and I have no one.,-3.8688461538461567,-2.4869921153846133,0.10653846153846304,105.87596153846157,104.76923076923076,4.138461538461539,10.346153846153848,5.985473137389443,-1.5635846153846154,79,1,24,1,4,29,23,26,0.195,0.805,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672182009925574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596058433264601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35745512753672737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379370749430959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759966575016742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,altalataltatla,2019/03/28,"I just came to the realization that I wouldn't be missed I was climbing the steps of a building earlier today when I realized i don't really have the courage to kill myself. I rationalized my decision to not do it by saying my parents would miss me. But now I think they might be glad to be rid of me. Idk, I've been kind of useless. ",4.948857142857143,4.5159366,6.5749999999999975,79.09250000000003,68.71428571428571,10.428571428571429,31.785714285714285,10.125756701596842,2.899714285714286,262,10,57,6,4,91,49,70,0.152,0.731,0.117,-0.3488,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,10,15,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,1,13,3,8,6,0,6,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848672229880731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722882326311705,0.3504137579269355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569741280771272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373644270220721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557100253931968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675989093725637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561609879155064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189633731308128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390404842152565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,megamaam88,2019/03/28,"It's like it'll happen eventually, I know it will. I'm a trans woman, 1 year into transition, who lost their wife of 7 years (unrelated to being trans - just lost our spark), my family feels so distant, my mom - who i have to temporarily live with - is embarrassed by me, i'm failing my 2nd semester straight and I just look way to male to pass ever... I don't know.. I just don't see how I can salvage life at all. Like, every day its like I see a ""dead ahead"" in the most literal sense. Like me killing myself is just on the horizon, and it's a one way road to that. 

​

I wish I had whatever tipping point I needed to just go through with it, but for some stupid fucking reason, I can't quite pull the trigger on it. I hate that I don't know what's holding me on here, and I hate waking up in the morning having to try to mark down another date on the calendar of life. I'm exhausted. I'm spent. I want to scream, I want to cry, I just want sleep.  I want this nightmare to be over.

​

Thanks for anyone who even read this. ",2.251293033342371,3.4768802718894034,3.9615071835185702,89.395874220656,75.7741935483871,7.317863919761454,24.746272702629447,7.928766900206844,1.1558026023312549,797,26,181,12,17,268,127,217,0.16899999999999998,0.738,0.093,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,1,0,1,5,11,16,5,1,8,0,14,6,2,3,2,31,40,6,2,6,7,2,1,4,0,2,3,1,0,2,15,6,0,1,5,1,1,3,4,11,0,1,4,5,27,5,31,32,3,25,0,3,3,1,9,14,1,2,10,113,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645924724657737,0.29673183120302465,0.0,0.12803340314103026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537576380651468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341220668064265,0.0787449567835302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064646978314817,0.11044722281446458,0.10287524494408112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510582883947168,0.0,0.06173786607317544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288028220123485,0.0,0.0,0.06939273540478877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079733916903726,0.0,0.0,0.2410986511685589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508651639328462,0.0,0.20131032659983492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248690382638046,0.2386092603778513,0.0,0.10781730080169648,0.0,0.10253397472575294,0.0,0.2665750355161831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300305739216015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905362442757789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273870613084934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542478392857405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298692996382998,0.1221339072452976,0.0,0.0,0.1255400251079891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19459716193277768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218904480161652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124140717392223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289847243537088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880730148457894,0.19383596664633312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040996890829502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29673183120302465,0.15725790767387912
suicidewatch,ineedhelpbutidont,2019/03/28,I want to die Can’t stand living anymore. It’s too miserable for me. I just can’t continue. It hurts. ,-2.316818181818185,-1.4111754090909088,1.1441818181818206,94.69627272727274,121.27272727272728,5.3963636363636365,18.03636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.7129527272727274,79,3,18,2,5,28,18,22,0.416,0.531,0.053,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763603979455917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985089100805908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142054732391659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241420656107542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833123317289724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leitequentee,2019/03/28,"I am broken The first time I thought of dying I was still in kindergarten. I used to hide, cry and wish to dissapear, reborn or runaway. I used to go to the kitchen I take knifes to cut my wrists. I usually stopped because I was afraid of pain or killing my self and ended up in hell. I no longer believe in hell, but pain is defently somethin that has kept me alive so long. 

​

Live sort of improve, don't remenber how, but I was sort of happy till 12 years old. In seven grade everything went to shit, I was bullied in school and my home life sucked. That year I stopped practicing sports ans doing other activities, lost contact with friends and etc. All I wanted to do was sleep and watch anime on youtube. When I was 13 I was bullied not only by my classmates but also by my teatcher. Just getting near to school would give me anxiety. That's problably that worst thing that could've ever happend to me. I don't even mind depression that much, but anxiety attacks are the worst. Being afraid of talking just makes everything harder, studying, meeting new people. I never even dated. I also makes me feel like a failure waste of space. In fact I hate everything about myself. I even avoid looking at mirrors. 

​

I'm almost 24 now and have not accomplished anything. 11 years of more downs than ups. I just can't live more 40 years of being completly miserable. In the last few years I cried so much, but now I'm just numb. I don't feel anything at all. ",2.9862613312613355,5.274896877622382,3.6005516705516705,88.11498704998709,76.72727272727273,6.3349391349391375,27.02615902615903,7.3871296695380915,1.4812563066563071,1161,47,224,15,27,365,168,286,0.28800000000000003,0.639,0.073,-0.997,0,1,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,3,18,22,8,4,6,0,21,8,3,5,5,44,42,20,2,3,13,0,2,1,1,1,4,0,2,1,8,7,1,4,3,1,0,2,8,19,0,2,11,4,33,3,37,28,10,40,2,3,2,0,6,15,4,5,24,151,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527561461539083,0.0,0.0,0.15217746496341847,0.0,0.20618268625802605,0.2312271603403865,0.0,0.0,0.14557383614274744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565951530334158,0.0,0.0,0.10824303717787603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800050774762349,0.0,0.0,0.10719767954582143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975944029067103,0.0,0.0,0.07596684873852637,0.0,0.20902822943464175,0.0,0.0,0.08194966037286618,0.0,0.0987471891093883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427168074653464,0.0,0.10611365287357233,0.18853037226068986,0.0860655818262961,0.0,0.0,0.256534990943906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621799858612494,0.06797277759918575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093168215431573,0.0,0.0,0.0735100569307977,0.0,0.0497101916154438,0.09127332556337098,0.05407402734937037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012853659927544,0.0,0.0939376073095778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954398362594165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526565842045693,0.0,0.0,0.07755720947991006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720488463603827,0.046483841558559495,0.0,0.1680324500332032,0.08420178103639155,0.07989921309799522,0.0,0.10386379551890892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270222401304672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607098168887504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398874541097824,0.0,0.07338295326246347,0.09189321641845967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099840391782432,0.0,0.0,0.07236330609739006,0.20248546353145053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596269909916054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258695572069454,0.0,0.0,0.09925869472996134,0.0,0.09766665718894513,0.0,0.0,0.09521535232548407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598422846074931,0.15909370044291868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153843105261258,0.07647526398473088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321119886440035,0.0,0.0,0.07553580303478474,0.05548077009392608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643522934039041,0.10479058015911127,0.0,0.056119952587687635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820188717944133,0.0,0.0,0.1094139387153692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758944214332124,0.0,0.2312271603403865,0.3063565786410573
suicidewatch,meatpounder,2019/03/28,"Does anyone else wish that they could give their life away to someone else who deserves it more than they do? I feel as though I dont deserve or want this life, if it was possible to transfer it to someone who needed it, I would. Perhaps a child laying in a hospital bed somewhere about to succumb to a rare disease, or a cancer patient who's a parent that their kids need. 

Instead, its being wasted on me.",7.302407407407408,5.967136740740743,7.3124382716049405,78.70347222222223,64.30864197530865,9.087654320987657,36.29938271604939,7.1686216300943375,2.6075901234567898,320,13,61,2,4,103,58,81,0.112,0.853,0.034,-0.7288,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,0,10,12,5,0,7,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,11,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,11,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,3,0,47,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949629199703038,0.2190668252974917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200875310161062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070459876432795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710077553578308,0.0,0.2505759648868057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35721057276476875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810541121091227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509968067530715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020312954216245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31706498910487113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374033476352357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24103118241116836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362309814112964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100607318330372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610677089065414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458633314107664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187978431872262,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway044763467,2019/03/28,"I just want to not exist I don't want to die, I want to be happy but that feels so impossible to do. I can't remember the last time I was and honestly don't deserve to be, I want to be normal, I want to do normal things and have friends but I just can't no matter how much I try. I wish I was never born, I only keep living because I don't want to hurt my family. But I'm a complete mess, my heads a mess, my life's a mess. I've fucked everything up. I can't get a job. I have no money. I'm struggling with college. I can't even afford to get to college anymore and I have to walk 3 hours each day just to get there. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I've started self harming again. My body is already covered in scars and I'm ashamed of who I have become. I wish someone could hold me and just tell me everything will be okay, but there's no one. I'm alone and hurting so badly I don't know what to do anymore. I'm too scared to ask for help. I'm not in control of me at all. I don't deserve help anyways. 

Sorry for the rant.",-0.3669805194805207,1.4119515281385304,2.5178625541125577,94.15393668831172,85.66666666666666,5.40844155844156,21.313311688311693,6.6274283507984215,0.2862480519480521,797,27,192,9,24,281,111,231,0.21,0.6,0.189,-0.9234,2,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,13,16,1,3,6,1,25,5,2,2,2,40,49,14,1,11,10,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,15,12,0,1,2,1,28,4,23,41,3,13,0,2,0,1,7,4,1,0,8,120,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227653651856582,0.13080509844615856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351075416772918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081318904604524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897084948242256,0.0722571609747328,0.13091137207217327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166443355824434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428053159806375,0.0,0.13294584012950414,0.09463966836165827,0.0,0.0,0.07644455491408544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301946683512972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829051839995968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130612398192893,0.0,0.11174320506441243,0.0,0.05993429784060046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157899168784532,0.10958267403931783,0.18578720034338544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618153321637174,0.0,0.0,0.12164997123643795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890153976759958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673200776043127,0.0,0.2537859680436257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176265987125918,0.1053583703926882,0.0,0.0,0.06514312765805906,0.09662094329459647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837239940823369,0.0,0.0,0.10466759915153842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945428466449932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713605003199522,0.0,0.09142064565640597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322760960029817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032163357111614,0.09015036696048956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427579395590775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867310528756067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365670166979785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043338287319267,0.0,0.0,0.13268898868927054,0.08389889954874337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239173614202712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360384706586004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874865150534772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691180662266395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804767325709542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41948616715574216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726162542244268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leomama81,2019/03/28,"What's the point I used to be someone my friends, family, even strangers would confide in about all sorts of things. Like the bat signal, the holes are drawn to me.  I've been woken in the middle of the night by people I haven't talked to in ages, or calls from people I've never met before. 
 "" Hey I'm Joe's sisters friend. I'm sorry so bug you but do you have a minute. She said you helped him see things clearer and thought maybe we could talk""

""Hey I know it's been years and I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch, glad you still have the same number, haha, is it cool if we catch up""


My whole life I've been a mediator for family and friends to help people understand each other.  My whole life I've always felt that no matter the obstacles the challenge was worth it. My whole life I couldn't be brought down... until this year.

Recently I got an IM from someone I barely know.  She said her son was just diagnosed with late stage cancer, she's been sober for years but doesn't know how to be strong through this. I told her I would pray for her and her son, and left it at that.

I am tired of living. Life is endless pain and frustration. I don't want to burden anyone by talking to them, I just want to be alone. I have withdrawn from family, friends, and as many social invites as I possibly can. I even shop online so I don't run into anyone.   I'm not suicidal, I couldn't do that to the people I love, but I do look forward to it all being over. 

The only reason I'm posting this on here is because I was wondering if anyone else can relate... Hoping to find how they coped and overcame, and  if accepted their calling.  ",2.0751456510550703,3.770721346268658,3.3217395779722096,91.82223880597022,77.32835820895522,6.172928461142563,21.10396294390118,6.953978226594392,0.36194081317550175,1261,32,275,13,29,409,177,335,0.091,0.736,0.173,0.9818,0,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,2,4,3,2,11,16,1,0,13,2,35,9,0,4,3,52,62,23,1,11,10,3,2,1,4,2,8,2,0,0,15,14,0,1,10,1,2,4,10,3,0,0,17,7,42,13,38,35,7,29,1,0,2,1,39,14,0,7,12,179,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414292038118484,0.0,0.0,0.07563442233355258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906739969653496,0.09313574855045556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541058051941032,0.0,0.07734750779779112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563405341573144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257466102104003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922595622800888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593361988837075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007455081785777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570716498486745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727634007173676,0.0,0.08307913034784171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28091029452874394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269943875661103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185403419087792,0.0,0.0,0.09028222944314956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818544420712677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498655000427709,0.0,0.10253690953754173,0.0,0.09876094903132776,0.0,0.2568157980703513,0.044408174092883,0.0,0.0802646042596075,0.0,0.07633143144312199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203899893492059,0.0,0.0,0.09215631065636876,0.0913192641317864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701061455909145,0.0,0.0,0.08530162064110633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913202926787243,0.09672188672761477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25206892778358003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592799610906159,0.10247384362000243,0.08705516282025777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345828878212263,0.08975081449740421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292963748902165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243394184623936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265906963743936,0.15403517031281724,0.0,0.0,0.2035057506446167,0.0,0.0,0.07259126467737056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942766476593523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918112120023914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207771918013193,0.0,0.0,0.07216286302819055,0.0,0.10447388578236527,0.0,0.08685693968426045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946280295036087,0.0,0.07850669193132988,0.0,0.0,0.10722799755948584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044531312398821,0.0,0.0,0.09857500960686624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914267035181193,0.0,0.0,0.1756060061643538
suicidewatch,GoldDustTaurus,2019/03/28,"I'm a fucking disappointment to myself and everyone else I don't have a good job or car. I still live at home. I'm single and gained weight. Not doing anything with my degree and I'm 70k+ in debt... I keep overdrafting my checking account because I can't keep up with the loans. I've isolated myself from all my friends... I'm a sad pathetic fuck. I was such a bright and special child, everyone thought I would grow up to be something amazing. Boy did I prove them wrong. I'm so sorry ",1.1963636363636354,3.540237929292928,2.938181818181821,90.02727272727276,83.84848484848484,6.024242424242424,25.161616161616163,7.348242739294969,1.2892949494949502,381,16,79,6,11,126,68,99,0.225,0.6579999999999999,0.116,-0.8832,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,3,10,2,0,5,0,8,3,0,0,2,14,18,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,6,1,2,2,0,4,2,3,5,0,0,3,2,13,5,9,13,2,7,0,2,1,2,4,4,2,1,1,46,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740844217368952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289565437512201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671962797597854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042827430247473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634399980427673,0.3911419355119283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743483839792298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219799443395415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992686978792066,0.37606380095262776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867990887995229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285852891175284,0.0,0.2368085480302299,0.0,0.0,0.16894099487090802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794397958072846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576061683199448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027628535256915,0.23129245970073606,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CHOSTeam,2019/03/28,"I'm 16 years old and I'm depressed Some years ago, I started getting pretty isolated from the rest of my friends, I really thought that this would not do anything to me, but, currently, I'm depressed and I think a lot about killing myself, as I think that my own existence is useless.",6.827440476190474,6.238564482142862,6.861428571428572,79.11690476190478,64.89285714285714,10.323809523809524,40.095238095238095,9.725611199111238,3.8382095238095246,225,12,44,4,3,72,42,56,0.28600000000000003,0.649,0.066,-0.9423,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,11,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,8,1,5,9,4,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309625143130105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144110624041013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488239489877969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130085891681448,0.0,0.1361270101930212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882607950423749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151092563531927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734041770545087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650737768928917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691547874313142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441915804123374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339007930619385,0.0,0.20684818737370672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850877733636828,0.0,0.0,0.3355722739995557
suicidewatch,thakooshlymahn,2019/03/28,"A better way to shoot myself? I know this is very morbid, but if I'm gonna kill yourself, I wanna do it right. Some people stick a gun in their mouths and angle slightly upwards. Others just place it to their temple. But especially if you're using hollow point or expanding bullets, which expand while as they travel in a wound: why would it not make better sense to shoot yourself down through the top of your head? Large caliber bullets, hollow points, and expanding bullets create larger wound channels once they're a couple of inches deep. 

Doesn't this mean shooting down through the top of your head would be most effective? Because not only will the bullet most likely travel through another vital organ on the way down. But if you're shooting with a large caliber and/or hollow point bullet, you have a better chance to destroy your brain and brainstem, because they're a little further inward, and the bullet will have expanded more once it reaches the brainstem, and so the wound channel will be larger. Is something wrong with my logic? Seems ridiculous to think I've discovered a better way to do this, but it's worth asking about. I just want a painless death. Good luck to y'all",7.487104072398193,7.946990651583711,6.6843438914027145,77.41800904977377,63.29864253393665,8.066968325791857,31.932126696832576,7.321109707123232,2.193961085972851,958,33,157,7,13,293,127,221,0.125,0.679,0.197,0.9266,0,0,1,5,0,0,24.0,0,5,3,7,4,12,3,0,16,0,14,7,4,3,0,35,24,16,2,7,12,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,4,1,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,13,8,24,16,4,23,0,0,0,0,9,17,0,9,2,100,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394674477636886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434181723866287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215735295500935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4705288213796093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847768273810438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716761703038356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155837028369033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730032159670905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471504404823671,0.0,0.07309612640285566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497957513677897,0.1333060552249089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878193927024755,0.0,0.0,0.1448815493018562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832921884459081,0.0,0.10115637451731324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220899174047252,0.0,0.1389620242802629,0.0,0.3771984410691945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358563151106102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108285074373733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239382658015306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522429969925882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487370492698025,0.0,0.10974313966347242,0.0784498559838291,0.3167197804216003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200164181293746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889660185968942,0.14542020099375405,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,therollingstonerrr,2019/03/28,"I dont wanna live like this anymore I'm so fucking sad.im tired of suffering.im just so fucking angry and sad and hated and i can't get another girl no matter how much I fucking try.my parents moved me from the beach and I've been not even a shell of myself.i don't understand.my life is just a clusterfuck of pain dissapointment and sadness. Please I just want this to be over. I need help, but therapists ain't do shit, they just ask the same questions over and over. Please, I need help.",3.041672394043527,5.276473556701035,3.5762199312714777,88.61926689576175,76.31958762886596,6.785337915234822,25.21076746849943,7.793537801064563,1.3327145475372286,393,14,79,6,9,123,65,97,0.166,0.675,0.16,0.1008,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,9,5,0,4,0,8,7,1,1,0,20,18,10,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,1,0,8,1,9,16,2,4,0,2,0,3,7,3,4,1,1,50,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758285270493362,0.0,0.0,0.15849627037012504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494080287371246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873052206344125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555812104717166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432468225010893,0.08349818166006809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778694760473294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142449470532421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452612042799266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288400795543273,0.0780788832346522,0.0,0.14112200719519852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698609830689972,0.11748444006796226,0.2370056831530637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005736115709807,0.0,0.17745870569930072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35086380904969944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903246355653885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405063064694705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855607335233811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836870012266276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663759210384105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426465365837268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HandsomBwonderfull,2019/03/28,"I don't want to be alive anymore I had a normal upbringing. I was never abused, I never saw my family members during coitus, I never had problems until I had to join the workforce. I have ""dumb kid"" written on my forehead. I am known far and wide for being a shit head. My whole neighborhood thinks I'm slow witted. The few places I do go like work, people have the assumption that I am the scapegoat, the novel concept that someone is worse at life than they are. I just want to be treated like a person. I just want to live in anonymity until I mercifully pass away. I used to be bad into drugs. Every night I am terrified that someone from that drug circle is going to kick my door in and kill us. Every single night. I talk to my wife about it, but I don't want to be a burden to her anymore. I can't escape These problems, I can only be myself. I can't move to a different location, I can't afford it and even if I did, people would have a field day with me in the new location. I have constant drug hunger. I come home from work every day and watch drug porn like Drugs INC and Intervention. I can't take it anymore. I was smoking weed to dull my mind to not think about my situation but I don't want to do that anymore. I may need to go on antidepressants as a last resort in order to cope. I don't want to take SSRI's. I've been on them before and I don't like the side effects. I try and stay clean and even get exercise and still the depression latches onto me with a vengeance. I don't know what to do. If I had a handgun I would have been dead YEARS ago. Seriously, what do I do?",1.9500042771599693,3.460190446107788,3.9004662104362713,88.34426646706589,77.17365269461078,6.567835757057314,22.707014542343888,7.310402129719878,0.7626008554319927,1235,36,268,15,28,420,166,334,0.151,0.7709999999999999,0.078,-0.964,2,0,5,1,1,4,36.0,1,0,2,3,7,15,3,0,17,0,45,12,3,2,3,43,66,16,2,14,7,1,0,4,0,3,7,0,3,2,11,13,1,0,5,2,0,6,14,10,0,0,11,2,49,5,39,46,3,39,0,2,2,1,8,15,2,3,20,186,60,3,0.0,0.10166536683717206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760613090305689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403835969211733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061699692121732,0.0,0.07164392408860111,0.0,0.0,0.07301407470058822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739137535273048,0.0,0.09272515341521086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067476772995316,0.0,0.07390406444488136,0.0,0.0,0.08964837922868449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4975351072654244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334731360672252,0.0,0.2168842482950523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808896937120216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482977950121637,0.0,0.1462955569494464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806109425373536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606981136263801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493096088918213,0.0,0.0471564032968811,0.06994285249614351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060606890895634334,0.16768073505412062,0.0,0.07576773936330365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663899264149343,0.0,0.0,0.09119755982045157,0.0,0.06362361613778844,0.1985352403800989,0.08287138906174027,0.0,0.16104510872808855,0.08407107282932713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525887249481406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189733195476861,0.07492196475658676,0.08964837922868449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420835718162374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807800903831238,0.0,0.09644886360486253,0.0,0.0,0.1454052722828524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914571385847384,0.06852430249750165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902996290021282,0.06896712948231093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996127004496113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825623352092265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321333008210544,0.0741083149589712,0.0,0.0,0.3036614849028028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579866371946016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493470484927716,0.0,0.08744303216269222,0.12190738717466362,0.0,0.0,0.055255863728993763
suicidewatch,ASD_Ditmer,2019/03/28,"Can't remember how happiness feels like I'm sorry if it's lazy to crosspost something but I don't have it in me to write it all again. 

I don't know what to say, I'm not getting any better. I'm struggling so much and it seems like no matter how hard I try to get better I never get there. I've been through a bit of everything in my lifetime. I'm a guy, 24 and from Denmark. Which doesn't matter. I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, ptsd and I have severe anxiety. 

It feels like I'm on a boat in the middle of the ocean and I don't have shit to row with. I can't get anywhere, at this point I almost have more scars than hairs on my body. I don't know when it began but my earliest memories are from my parents molesting and abusing me. I ran away when I was 13 and been trying to find some peace in my mind since. 

I met a really wonderful person when I was 16. She was the only one who managed to make me feel like I was at least worth a little. She didn't have it easy herself but when we were together we at least had each other. I'm not sure if I've ever been happy but with her it at least felt like there was a chance. 

She lived in Norway and we couldn't always be together, which wasn't easy but we made it work. Eventually she moved here, we got a shitty apartment and spend most of our days in bed watching Netflix cause neither of us had any motivation to get out of bed. But she was there, I could hug her. She's the only person I've ever loved or even been close with. I tried really hard to get my shit together and got a job, I did everything I could to take care of her. She eventually got pregnant which was the best day of my life but also the scariest. We decided to keep it, neither of us have had a remotely good childhood and we wanted to give our little baby the absolute best possible. I worked so hard, we found out it was a little girl and immediately we bought the cutest little onesies for her.

Today it's two years ago since I came home from work and found her dead and covered in blood. She was four months pregnant at that time. I couldn't do anything, I hugged her for hours unable to move or call anyone. 

I lost everything. No matter how hard I try I can't get her voice out of my head. She enjoyed singing and I know it doesn't help but I keep listening to recordings of her over and over again. I miss her so much. 

I don't know what to do. I've been in and out of the hospital, I tried getting a job but I can't, I can't work. I have no one, no family or friends. If I killed myself today no one would find out until they could smell my dead body. 

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't do this anymore.",1.38220977279801,3.0766197160493864,3.2721610125531697,91.4045564892624,79.35273368606703,6.563460939931527,21.346923954767085,7.5105763829236425,0.6065337275650995,2077,58,473,30,51,698,233,567,0.16,0.693,0.14800000000000002,-0.0622,3,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,13,0,1,10,20,27,5,1,21,0,55,13,7,7,5,99,102,43,3,10,17,1,9,5,1,1,2,3,3,5,24,37,0,2,17,2,3,4,27,8,0,5,35,14,82,19,62,60,15,56,0,2,1,4,49,31,3,11,26,322,106,8,0.0,0.0779964207968185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835330211326194,0.0,0.0659180825932536,0.0,0.0,0.05264330618482376,0.05477487520660577,0.0,0.0,0.08953174839323337,0.0,0.05035888875139445,0.0,0.06528452875284231,0.04602906131312546,0.0,0.054171533151633984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618483699106081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816662990170026,0.11644053355503195,0.0718680527976445,0.14624202077121415,0.0,0.0,0.06721861419858008,0.07529066542505856,0.06711689808244897,0.06762436057259526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576769364241853,0.0,0.0,0.08490832250948371,0.0,0.0,0.06681489531607256,0.0,0.0,0.07544556327085035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347933344114215,0.11909192408076585,0.0,0.0,0.1774881724916028,0.0,0.062057579539287026,0.0,0.09985513087521727,0.1410844270896632,0.06320601768909052,0.0,0.12033274947239538,0.0,0.0,0.1443558687236281,0.05085920488427195,0.06085770948133031,0.2751428499190351,0.06314902965816499,0.0,0.05521411470725968,0.1579480306435999,0.0,0.0,0.06518090939226917,0.0,0.140152066149354,0.23587887181519904,0.0,0.06755938995669188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04412368938835594,0.0,0.06603170217931648,0.0,0.06482815534240223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064994871651878,0.11702341000519953,0.07282986726460845,0.0,0.14471125376250404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046496862329270416,0.16080325062599282,0.2639111993351337,0.05812807907012006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718599641587435,0.0,0.05941310570096965,0.06228884791586116,0.04394126739512865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646837106584477,0.0,0.052543958651867735,0.13993129563563822,0.09678355569777697,0.0,0.050771266011969934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133821993772017,0.10013161095427027,0.0,0.0,0.07309514569405219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724376335386179,0.0,0.0,0.062229539387115715,0.07421213546754175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695040090110357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434329170211173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457125253223537,0.0,0.0,0.05234974232738087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992811111390109,0.0,0.07436786111773985,0.1351447335433484,0.10890860710466413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067826351115468,0.0,0.07369000616033351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881860519576366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062042910449849366,0.0,0.04949510140400736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838533081263328,0.0,0.12479610200520692,0.0,0.0,0.2234673343092811,0.0,0.06430521946210284,0.0,0.15836799837290094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03882756028117065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713885778871189,0.19169674225751496,0.0,0.0,0.046762925094955686,0.0,0.0,0.04239162000763542
suicidewatch,incog404,2019/03/28,"I'll never be loved I'm a 31 year old man who's never been in a real relationship. The closest I've come were a 2 year middle school relationship and a boss who forced me have a relationship with her under threat of being fired (another story).

My problem is that I'm asexual. Well, that's what I tell friends. In reality I also have fetishes, namely femdom. Since I'm only aroused by a fetish, especially one so rare, it obviously makes finding a partner who I'm compatible with borderline impossible.

I've still tried to date, but with little success. I never make it past the third date, and even that's rare. Lately I can't get dates at all. I guess I'm not a very exciting person, especially since I have no sexual motivation going on.

At my age it also occurred to me that many people won't want to deal with a guy who's never had a real, adult relationship. Who wants that level of inexperience in a 30-something?

Today it hit me truly hopeless my situation is. How I'm never going to experience love. I got so little of it as a kid (I avoided it after my dad had molested me starting as a toddler), I've never had it as an adult, and I never will. It hurts so much, knowing that's my life. And I know that pain will only get worse the older I get. I've had suicidal thoughts before, but never this serious and intense. I'm honestly not sure my life is worth living. We all need love; how am I supposed to live if I'll never experience it?",3.8235624898423524,4.895638686006826,6.282827888834723,74.86855517633677,71.6962457337884,8.993921664228832,27.945555013814396,9.362217197678863,2.479646968958232,1137,41,219,25,21,408,155,293,0.16,0.7170000000000001,0.123,-0.8509,0,1,1,0,1,1,38.0,1,0,0,2,10,17,2,1,17,0,19,7,1,6,13,48,47,18,1,5,5,1,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,23,11,0,1,5,0,1,3,14,8,1,2,8,1,24,9,24,33,3,38,0,2,0,4,26,12,0,2,23,142,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541020393738049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877670977229367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204211715276537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292981952658803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728400493123795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591922159729125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656336407071692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738059844301799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541055078582482,0.0,0.1326990271397598,0.0,0.0962320547638757,0.0,0.06771286668390407,0.0,0.0932660205768247,0.0838298434623729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063366851663283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305732202313564,0.0,0.09550373709128146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960019358111465,0.0,0.16970946504510828,0.14951825050156636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923543397738,0.0,0.11302663929106825,0.08583516027470968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622371672896511,0.06277666362652955,0.5876770652124812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883974914220694,0.0,0.05736995128546734,0.12878030316231334,0.09008757609985096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082057023978521,0.058694778096247936,0.07392460952827629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101121430390716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273043238551146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635862169679287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568364230567051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006848892433393,0.09516494401341248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517784020958843,0.0,0.0,0.05992502350881707,0.0,0.06761211243969616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260776044678128,0.0,0.07979403048306911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399933735028998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721309555243782,0.0,0.0,0.08025078043059357,0.0,0.0,0.057480731179619465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985597725938274,0.09987305579944653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612235241711889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862789974822067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904060414284307
suicidewatch,HeroicGuy25,2019/03/28,"Married, buying my first home...just done Wifey and I fought after home inspection...probably just in the moment of strain and stress...prob gonna find something in the apartment to end myself or just grab my keys and drive into a tree while intoxicated...we have a 8 month old and this is selfish af but I think its over for me.

As spoken by Iron Man...part od the journey is the end. Farewelll all...parting is such sweet sorrow.

To my son, if you ever read this...im sorry I was weak...I love you..be strong. You are destined for great things son.",0.4866666666666682,2.9559387777777815,1.6402222222222242,96.12700000000002,91.77777777777777,3.9911111111111115,17.385185185185186,5.6839178017228535,-0.5073637037037035,420,11,89,3,15,132,83,108,0.095,0.73,0.175,0.9331,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,2,4,8,1,1,6,0,7,1,0,0,1,13,11,9,1,1,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,3,2,10,4,12,7,0,16,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,2,9,51,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376225423465044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527109444740728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801095717075263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198614336908295,0.16936585219168054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952335069229514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994541759379103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507676177425789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970771912893965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893050618928273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893613708832506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312410615837727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991673956516761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153287309888201,0.0,0.2228912758124832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280838560719248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228217032871922,0.12758389909160162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ejayboshart01,2019/03/28,"My cat is sick and she's the only thing keeping me here. My cat keeps losing hair at a really fast rate and we can't get her into a vet until the 6th of April and I'm so fucking scared she'll die by then or have to be put down at the vet. People will get over me eventually. But I don't believe that animals have the capacity to do so, so they live their lives wondering where you went and never came back. If she dies I don't know what I'll do. It doesn't help that the two separate times I tried to set up a vet appointment, they had to be canceled because I fucked it up. All I was trying to do was get my cat help and I still fucked it up even though I was trying my best to help her. ",2.602077922077921,2.6665182987012983,4.438077922077923,90.6728311688312,73.8051948051948,7.978181818181818,22.542857142857148,7.908726449838941,0.6605293506493504,534,11,134,7,10,183,93,154,0.183,0.7909999999999999,0.026,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,3,2,9,6,3,1,8,0,18,5,1,0,2,17,31,14,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,6,1,23,1,17,21,2,21,0,1,0,3,13,9,3,3,8,94,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461237761966192,0.0,0.09086118352335908,0.0,0.0,0.1679314270294506,0.1564216835167194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704766577466733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093864802399633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844794708949556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133906448531227,0.2336217570545623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29972078418671083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649698963766265,0.0,0.0,0.08191550287305488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632326486999093,0.0,0.0,0.16675192045171544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495868299773593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113361346150308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333442139203536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983919984486865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548701948344844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922782259035244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903373255100293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902403554363984,0.0,0.14644358714650182,0.0,0.08691386729675761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035911348653759,0.0,0.1456028954940943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381734086361718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164136803383328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phelme,2019/03/28,Suicidal urges Does anyone else have these urges that you really really want to kill yourself or destroy your whole body   I only had it once and it scared me. A friend then texted me and I snapped out of it,2.535,4.832036097560977,3.085548780487805,91.19710365853659,78.26829268292683,7.0268292682926825,20.006097560975608,8.07648339933343,0.8083121951219518,164,4,34,3,4,51,34,41,0.3,0.605,0.096,-0.9151,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,3,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924216183637718,0.2819681511190549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056778207810316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082359197529354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298887671053809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261373213656226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044607151325603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930719813103265,0.0,0.2092969754273267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525918674952446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755165934281878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301016905328763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623161927112619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072435946247145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zolo89,2019/03/28,"Having depression / feeling like life is not worth it Hi,

I wanted to say I'm having depression currently and don't feel like living. 

Any advice?

Thanks.",2.592142857142857,5.591792500000004,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,88.28571428571428,7.085714285714286,21.285714285714285,8.07648339933343,2.0025428571428567,122,4,19,3,4,40,24,28,0.249,0.494,0.258,-0.1695,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,9,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880310160278601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004433972043025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077438195904249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29807380465752936,0.421145829883248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819405879767466,0.288004650108273,0.0,0.260273921840574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23440087752520966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27137065298498586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385404010497105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bsmith1980,2019/03/28,I’m done and I’m ready to die. The harder I work the harder life is. I have a one year old and a wife but I still want to die. I have tried to find mental healthcare but I can’t afford it and I don’t qualify for anything. Fuck America f,-2.4066818181818164,-0.6474468727272686,1.036704545454544,99.87505681818182,99.54545454545452,4.204545454545455,14.147727272727273,5.985473137389443,-0.8729545454545455,182,4,47,2,8,65,36,55,0.238,0.701,0.061,-0.9072,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,10,5,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,6,0,4,9,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,28,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22659429703259065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715515318768881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817845046412157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516701410348936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545619275780036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449188938829914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27749380299604703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889395099805043,0.0,0.18658816320489832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989943494551453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694846012875355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624119388088063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046224478127544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732005680576007
suicidewatch,ssundfor,2019/03/28,"I hate industrialization Our ecosystem may be beyond repair... And life goes on

I can't relate to everything. I feel alien. I care about the natural world.",2.0603571428571463,4.7450986071428565,3.8725714285714297,77.27242857142859,98.64285714285714,6.525714285714287,19.88571428571429,7.554174236665415,1.5348914285714286,123,4,21,3,5,41,25,28,0.126,0.68,0.194,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5391173762850292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752253685192269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736255550186505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220519885484532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734866649178108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elispereeeeeeeee,2019/03/28,"Selfish Everyone has heard the saying its selfish to take your life because you're only thinking of yourself and not how your family members will feel once your gone.

​

Has anyone ever thought its selfish to keep people here when they want to leave?

​

Life isn't as peachy for everyone and for people who have always been happy they dont understand what it feel like to want to leave.",8.760405405405404,8.74138328378379,7.411486486486485,74.87641891891893,60.75675675675675,9.562162162162162,36.06756756756757,8.841846274778883,3.200632432432432,329,13,53,4,4,99,54,74,0.142,0.752,0.107,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,2,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,13,18,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,4,5,2,9,13,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642490108749704,0.3292503357242839,0.3692435167682831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623884585245816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262022430043196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807064611655468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374369605173904,0.0,0.29036726055549017,0.0,0.0,0.14323397954611264,0.0,0.1536492171682874,0.10854480679641842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174122746338607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504981051097625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32176160587642233,0.0,0.0,0.21463713787331676,0.07422941623603163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180941263699686,0.0,0.1155559822169954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066987939520168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208274956488979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423875044379166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973559768971148,0.0,0.12062209955535555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581732087189005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923438253397747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692435167682831,0.0
suicidewatch,mind_my_manners,2019/03/28,I am a severely unwell person. This last year has been hard in every concievable way. People have died. Friends have been lost. MANY other things. I feel seriously unwell. ,2.421999999999997,4.937064533333333,3.273333333333333,80.50000000000003,103.66666666666666,6.0,18.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.3363333333333336,136,4,21,3,6,43,26,30,0.332,0.5820000000000001,0.086,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32288813797050736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621277137959223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730903675803498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24036659289813264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786978329875948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536001599743345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33961865487127657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154216678843233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568789228059013,0.2716535224083045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514712713002046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669090922274366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24694851913132315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003477893894231
suicidewatch,Pibbles6,2019/03/28,This may sound dumb but I’m 13 and want to die. I learned a lot recently. My friends were all fake and blocked me GREAT. My biological dad has been dead for 7 years and my mom lied to me. I’ve got no one to turn to and am thinking about death. I think I’ve got a mental illness I’ve had thoughts my whole life but it’s gotten worse. I’m so emotionally fragile right now Anything could make me actually do it. Im not sure if I have the guts I was thinking about drowning myself in the lake near my home.,0.09359327217125467,2.141710522935785,2.0258944954128424,96.7163340978593,85.97247706422019,5.1012232415902155,21.92737003058104,6.42735559955562,0.1396966360856271,393,14,96,4,12,130,78,109,0.31,0.599,0.091,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,10,3,1,1,2,21,22,8,4,3,4,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,2,13,3,9,12,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,3,3,54,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.1884475235926792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589130928651544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418263789662134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041771318125828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172227812104757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919632283987594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088954487255152,0.21290447938473744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937050958313043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085919600302035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363993184499113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417523378429227,0.0,0.0,0.12890243823501674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460948074378606,0.0,0.0,0.22616812212221976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308563476452097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906728483177944,0.0,0.0,0.16491490240680673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820039089966938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712113111654372,0.0,0.15330778571095754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004824941029332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139012934232034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21560044157763994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967956087819056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435652186769446
suicidewatch,MandaPandaStarElf,2019/03/28,Contemplation I'm torn between telling my S/O and just keeping to myself (and here) that I laid in bed stress crying all day contemplating whether or not it was better to leave and note and whether or not to make a mess with a gun or just drive off the top of the dam since I can't swim...,26.520163934426236,5.498524622950821,22.12786885245902,45.064262295081996,56.8688524590164,25.71147540983607,72.47540983606558,11.20814326018867,8.552232786885245,226,7,54,2,1,72,47,61,0.218,0.721,0.061,-0.84,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,17,5,9,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,8,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,1,35,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224736935261644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005141408443405,0.2351475000567852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240879279857318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860762623779322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433843673248199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30161456425508804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417667007075923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318690921298223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mesotermoekso,2019/03/28,"Bye That's all, bye everyone.",-0.375,1.8074115000000042,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,100.66666666666666,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.789866666666668,23,1,5,1,1,8,5,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MinyK,2019/03/28,"There's really no point Ever since I moved to Oklahoma City I've been feeling so deppressed and Sad. I sleep all day, stay up all night and barley eat at all. My family has noticed this behavior and want me to be put on Anti-Deppresion pills again. I'm trying to be happy but I guess I don't want to be happy anymore. All I do every night is stare at ceiling fan and contemplate either running away or slitting my wrist. I'm only 15 and have been deppressed in the past but never like this before. I guess I just miss all my friends back in Arizona but my brother hasn't been any help to me either. He just got off Meth when he came to Oklahoma with me and He's been abusing me ever since like putting ciggeretes out on me and fighting me over the stupidest reasons. He's a little over 18 so this is technically Domestic abuse I think. Anyway I don't know how much longer I can handle everyone around me telling me I shouldn't of ever left AZ.
I moved here because of my dad getting drunk every night and abusing me for no reason.
And my Moms also hooked on meth and got my brother hooked on heroin. I used to like it here in Oklahoma when I was younger but since then most of my uncles,Aunts,Cousins have either moved or died. I feel like I'm running out of options and time",3.63958417034954,4.742596919847333,4.650490156689436,86.2814323021294,72.1679389312977,7.3478505423864995,27.148252310164718,7.669130373188453,1.4659435114503814,1011,35,207,12,19,330,140,262,0.2,0.735,0.065,-0.9907,0,0,2,0,3,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,18,10,1,0,3,0,19,5,2,4,9,51,36,24,1,3,11,4,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,16,2,0,6,1,0,8,7,3,0,0,8,3,32,7,30,24,10,44,0,2,1,0,12,20,0,6,19,136,36,0,0.0,0.3547267163638206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980702597504945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786487292918388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897106507054752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883982154158591,0.0,0.0,0.09376186303042874,0.0767371570657282,0.0,0.060834868414891274,0.0,0.08491925937231587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414032527061582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436032604241845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357275287915324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211647906967598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27081426777690465,0.16816529151183804,0.0953595946312306,0.0,0.0,0.0940790239285606,0.0,0.10091996622858776,0.07129446174909677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771023360694541,0.0,0.052139422278220736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963235718296145,0.0,0.2198736435019695,0.0,0.0,0.21246993006801002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689132351924157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484540972483373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842891885505453,0.0,0.0,0.1950216295994056,0.10002206105036247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116880163184585,0.0,0.3182028643767567,0.07336172728601194,0.0,0.07696902111690564,0.0,0.0,0.2809560639124251,0.0,0.0,0.11361869335913932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589954597736429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952668138869007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433971431898076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064559259481207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393203390436085,0.20521433441216885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24765747060774626,0.0,0.09986832279128922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636952539322762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722632218738957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394540812952393,0.0,0.0,0.05819199657539415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775510372081149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619191909851667,0.0,0.0,0.11772482909899355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LoveEatingHotPies,2019/03/28,"A way out Hi,

Not sure if I am at the right place. I was just feeling so lost and somehow just ended up here. I am currently pursuing an undergraduate degree in STEM with a particular accent on cancer. Spent the last year of my life on my research, non-stop, nearly every day whilst trying to keep on top of my lectures. In the end, it has yielded a lot of new findings and should hopefully help with the understanding of cell cycle progression. However, I just feel dead inside. I lost most of my friends , not like I had many from the beginning. A few dropped out. Did not really have anyone to talk to. The research proved to be so complicated for me personally, I am not really smart, that I contemplated suicide a few times as a way out. Never went through with it. Parents would be so disappointed. Always tried to show them that I am not the most stupid in the family. Now that I have obtained all the results, my dad just dismissed their significance and questioned whether I am actually studying. This just completely destroyed me. I am so lost and just want a way out. Feels like now is the good time to go and just kill myself. Supervisor will be able to make better use of results anyways for his future research.

Thank you for reading.",3.7484267631103085,5.965274704641353,4.843496081977097,80.43822784810128,74.10548523206752,7.889813140446051,28.16335141651597,8.704169506293173,2.308975647980712,983,40,183,20,21,322,144,237,0.16899999999999998,0.73,0.102,-0.9668,3,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,0,1,2,7,16,16,3,0,18,0,19,2,0,4,4,50,36,12,3,5,14,2,3,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,6,12,0,2,7,2,1,2,6,7,0,0,8,3,24,9,35,22,6,37,0,4,0,0,13,16,0,7,17,137,30,5,0.12880440070105306,0.0,0.12569451482605146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717557968868302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090063031821663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391702524148405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504896352877965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306818272997281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816493569906265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852326287888696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142532568285128,0.0,0.19538212540099173,0.09201788959716846,0.0,0.0,0.11772488875229528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951396046850287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320250921698741,0.1080350202246438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633487470967585,0.0,0.0,0.12793183285626547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448726954781938,0.14250298541607465,0.0,0.0,0.10499277786571314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097835741382873,0.12585464804189606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218156565070101,0.10950489538707768,0.0,0.0,0.0859779376505159,0.13058744566077202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993418943600802,0.1244000928281004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302204400538765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124670344748211,0.1345731841133797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429040705708898,0.0,0.12883925700115292,0.0,0.16503079462854456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099982544234106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768624646535592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089110856676554,0.0,0.1213966233232739,0.0,0.0,0.10352809825952408,0.0,0.11858578674853085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021376373267206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748994662661947,0.0,0.0,0.1340899236609625,0.0,0.11124564659296082,0.0,0.0,0.07597217274042997,0.3067168137754231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940296988594686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149895067923253,0.0,0.0,0.08294581103331802
suicidewatch,jimmyconfession,2019/03/28,I whish I had more IQ! I literally mean it.,-3.858000000000001,-2.9027367999999982,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,117.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,0.2499999999999996,32,1,9,1,2,13,8,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,billythekid42,2019/03/28,No social skill feeling trapped Ever since I was younger I was always the weird kid but even through highschool for some reason I just never felt the need for friends but now that I graduated I feel more isolated than ever with my only friends being aquatiences at best. As I get older people see me less and less as just a shy guy and try to talk to me and make a friend they see me as a douchebag of some kind I think I dont know why or I guess I kind of do it seems so much easier to just off myself I feel like I've had nothing to look forward to or be happy about in a looonnnng time I seem to just constantly distract myself ,4.553853383458648,4.480003586466168,5.17796052631579,87.55009868421055,69.52631578947367,7.853007518796992,28.655075187969928,7.1686216300943375,1.3424443609022552,499,16,110,4,8,161,89,133,0.113,0.624,0.263,0.9827,0,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,2,10,10,0,1,6,0,7,0,0,2,3,29,22,11,0,1,8,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,7,19,8,20,16,7,11,0,0,3,0,8,4,0,7,9,79,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877516155512386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241415448238866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724375457809876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813810097902652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221946042000186,0.2799838740949181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347583734707145,0.11056267326248158,0.1485966897864708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587083841359852,0.0,0.0808572470850375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048882345933128,0.15323963962745982,0.0,0.16474802446004375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223235670735579,0.08505366288750395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560935374054129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996188921061327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330546233836377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137685660975956,0.11475475694358825,0.11936271800508115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849921222787385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770418762958595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729313418699014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912207517772378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466520474550121,0.2817807310843617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802150093219447,0.0,0.0,0.15776132472443605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439258660965935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916584110756904,0.0,0.0,0.09024351325491647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507387545631533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964947899267552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,____hollie____,2019/03/28,"Whats the easiest way to kill myself? I'm looking for a straight response, I don't want any sappy 'we love you, please don't do it!'. I just want a actual answer. I don't handle pain very well so, preferably something quick and painless.",1.5231250000000005,3.7791133958333347,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,81.70833333333334,5.506666666666668,24.18333333333333,6.742157984588678,0.9072033333333334,185,7,37,2,5,61,38,48,0.131,0.494,0.375,0.9078,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,9,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,6,2,2,9,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.29974295389944444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088787073680975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33982601267219903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579362672514427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772230620368543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268389174992448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337168431755002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646606625789626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534384093429536,0.3623407672624324,0.2438085806658617,0.0,0.0,0.2761729012880869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notsogingerale,2019/03/28,"Life is meaningless, I might be the one who’s supposed to color in the drawings, but I’ve straight up been given an empty stack of papers instead of a coloring book Yeah the title is a reference to that one r/showerthoughts post that I’m not gonna link because I’m on mobile

I [17F] am currently having probably the worst and longest breakdown of my life. Through my life I’ve always had periods where I just wanted to stop existing. But right now... right now I just want to kill myself.

I can’y find any meaning in my life and the only thing that has made me happy recently is also the one thing that I will never have. School has been really rough, I don’t have any friends, I don’t see myself in the future, my country is messed up and run by man-children, and the planet is fucking dying and I can’t do anything about it.

Literally the only reason that I can find to not kill myself right now is that the Be More Chill broadway cast recording has been recorded and will drop eventually. It’s a stupid ass reason but I won’t die before listening to Will Roland nail the entirety of that album.

I don’t even care that my parents would be sad, I’m not going to pretend that they don’t care about me, but I definitely don’t care about them anymore. I don’t want to actively kill myself, but I wouldn’t mind it if tomorrow while walking to school a car run me over, just saying.",5.174294117647058,5.33424432857143,6.0471008403361335,81.04378151260505,68.21428571428572,8.873949579831931,29.68487394957983,8.671277953709913,2.1525609243697468,1092,37,218,16,17,361,146,280,0.182,0.696,0.122,-0.977,3,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,2,0,13,13,5,0,16,1,36,6,1,3,1,35,53,14,5,6,12,1,1,0,1,8,4,2,0,0,15,6,0,1,7,2,0,5,13,8,0,3,6,6,29,5,25,36,2,30,0,1,3,2,7,12,2,2,11,153,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751056708824362,0.09105393902671907,0.0,0.0,0.14883134518159308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852445538264788,0.0,0.0,0.09005098520019843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667070820981375,0.0,0.09311626957140733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347113757508745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22714066157981785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227701680997532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000327849593272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454480129826802,0.10116561922811204,0.0,0.0,0.06219118973004474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648951857486818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36320190241725786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091725869931373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354464412346864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920058175179675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608718824750285,0.11049239242273767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439861783940181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245636553968312,0.16645181872322626,0.0,0.0,0.12150828119774013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480301485531997,0.0,0.1179832874734306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010320800357289,0.22502307985589912,0.10804822643855536,0.0,0.0,0.2803560581731761,0.0,0.0870225669700283,0.0,0.22149657589535726,0.08720097967095304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148778992522798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453999213426549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936326989187704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773543096623295,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gemineyeyey,2019/03/28,I’m really scared to be alive I can’t see me living anymore I can’t see past 20 I just don’t want to do this anymore but I don’t want to leave either I feel so hopeless all the time I’ve waited for it to go away since last summer but it just hasn’t it’s just gotten worse and worse and I can’t talk to anyone about it cause I don’t even know what’s wrong with me I’m never going to succeed I’m never going to be content I’m never going to be able to do what I love I’m just going to fail and fail over and over and people are just going to laugh at me and Ive just lost all my hole,-1.3549047619047627,0.26464284285714257,1.7042857142857135,99.46738095238098,88.42857142857143,4.019047619047618,12.904761904761903,4.604124745555138,-1.4925380952380949,458,5,119,1,15,162,67,140,0.242,0.66,0.099,-0.9748,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,4,9,9,0,1,1,0,14,1,0,1,5,27,35,9,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,6,10,6,0,0,2,3,13,3,18,30,3,17,0,4,2,1,2,4,0,0,7,74,20,3,0.151334704510779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001667240530573,0.10581674410107966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421839365217188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546242859549556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999551450577789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651937369974586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160420004986583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316959585468851,0.12335798255023173,0.0,0.16024160107058444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363131666333258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519970691494842,0.0,0.13658547932232448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501559608219392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446609933428442,0.1049164292914406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694888685618357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151243976794646,0.0,0.2411883322496945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251856314210022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163710302904178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824448320169098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852225933489918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30844598556398584,0.0,0.1654607424626211,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sitowa,2019/03/28,"My dreams are too distant I have no friends, I never have. I'm not charismatic, I'm not funny, I can barely hold a conversation. I've been alone for so long. I'm emotionally exhausted from constant mental breakdowns. I'm already numb at this point and my anxiety medication just numb me even more. I might as well be dead, it'd be no different. I just want friends, a bright future, to travel the world, a loving partner. Yet I can't have any of that, all because of who I am as a person. I try my best to be nice towards others but I'm just not good enough for anyone. 

I'm almost 20 now, I have no education, no job, no friends. My life is over before it even started, I hate myself so incredibly much.",1.5716071428571432,3.6170899305555584,3.8269841269841303,85.94500000000002,80.25,6.614285714285713,24.174603174603178,7.7094869923839395,1.2667853174603172,546,20,114,9,14,188,94,144,0.213,0.643,0.145,-0.8512,2,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,1,0,5,0,15,6,0,0,2,14,25,6,1,1,7,0,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,10,4,1,0,1,1,16,9,12,19,5,13,0,0,1,1,8,5,0,2,7,80,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824254277384602,0.18435561586511995,0.19642880910157834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104695604595288,0.0,0.13617047142740218,0.0,0.0,0.12446261491811687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850791175521364,0.0,0.15146595599496407,0.0,0.18680133334682608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923561185210976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597342387689508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002274514484672,0.0,0.18392287720917275,0.0,0.2351362978344353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125699798323516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492990059064006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757393857446226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663877767955766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572754920245238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752550764011122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606530805754345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793175358387166,0.1793833968053378,0.18883120025756026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308514021312831,0.0,0.13728553983678898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542382839764993,0.0,0.0,0.16826871928977974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599020312710596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085116656064852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498975094474224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004450364770953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakerOfThePost,2019/03/28,"I'm depressed since my childhood and I'm going to kill myself after all these unbearable years. I've wanted to kill myself for so a long time and wanted to write my story down.

My parents got divorced when I was 4 years old. It completely changed my life and they were fighting always. I've had 2 stepmoms and 5 stepfathers and they were all horrible. My father was heavy drug addict and has huge debts. When I got a stepmom it was horrible. she was a psychopath and bullied me for being ugly and I knew I was like changing my clothes and got laughed at me by my father and stepmom she kicked me and I wasn't feeling good. and now my father flights to another country to avoid his debts and he lied so much to me.

My stepfather always was really agressive and was always making fun of me and cursing me and threatening to kill me and beat me up for 4 years long but he really didn't do that because my mom is going to notice I know now but I was scared everyday to get pinched again or even my mom is going to get killed by him.

After he cheated on my mom we escaped and got in a attic from somebody we knew but we didn't got heating and we lived really small. After all these years I've so much damage, I can't even talk normally to people anymore and I've tell myself not to break down.

After all these years I've opened up about my depression about 3 years ago and it's only going downhill for me. My mother didn't believed me and was saying things like: Kill yourself and shut up and saying I was a gaming addict and saying that I'm worthless and I couldn't talk to nobody because I had problems with communicating and trust and nobody believed me. I had to tell myself 2 years long to not cry in public and in class and now they still underdestimate my problem. I've really bad obesity and have pain in my muscles. The only things I do now is waking up, listening to Slipknot, gaming and jacking off.

Sorry for this bad English. It's my second language.

- Teenager.",3.3402534634760706,4.99308480352645,4.64491105163728,83.85776960012595,73.76070528967254,6.876857682619648,26.26015428211587,7.531066641456977,1.4594509445843826,1565,55,299,19,32,518,174,397,0.206,0.7509999999999999,0.043,-0.997,3,1,1,0,3,3,25.0,4,0,3,1,15,24,7,2,6,0,29,7,1,1,4,61,51,41,5,6,6,8,1,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,12,38,1,1,4,2,2,4,8,18,0,1,26,5,56,6,45,23,6,49,0,4,0,0,36,17,0,1,29,206,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631149330479614,0.0,0.0,0.06761703800645448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041158003989564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998554544790959,0.0,0.0,0.07564861459504553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738013583446334,0.09299836293320712,0.0,0.0,0.17188140406250862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613868680761456,0.0,0.07997744325389602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378928003886743,0.0,0.0,0.13139857828091409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884598245449365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007635775633974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038569129395190055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970562018953589,0.0,0.17340524129818372,0.0639794965742825,0.3050378071819433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219589744276753,0.0,0.04192113381445251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387835809525897,0.07453247110530233,0.0,0.06735606022942148,0.20251446314534105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091705593183447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680123451916224,0.0,0.0,0.11214819259609793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747375636732648,0.0,0.08684454126659667,0.08004234230825888,0.0,0.0,0.11602776018400597,0.08116660248964838,0.0,0.08469918694384869,0.0,0.0,0.05288249421513915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597806519560308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546600977410789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819811932686224,0.07636893262248794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309906345602043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538848302993837,0.0,0.0,0.060916784438684736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262089818957204,0.1333430215183315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135321640654947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044479100212878486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998306948024942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34384978641885805
suicidewatch,TacoTimeLover,2019/03/28,"I need some advice please Hi

I'm 19 and feel absolutely horrible. I want to die everyday and I can't stand myself. I'm terrified of everything including college, people, and the entire future. I feel like my goals are impossible to achieve and I hate myself. Is there anything that I can do to improve my life So I don't have to kill myself. ",1.1185130718954284,3.7161680735294134,3.6684313725490174,82.21905228758172,88.85294117647058,7.139869281045753,23.73202614379085,8.167268648758528,2.0257888888888886,271,11,51,7,9,94,47,68,0.201,0.628,0.17,-0.6572,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,9,14,5,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,12,1,5,14,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,33,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005729562986585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531199980136293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192293992124545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27644166135968723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110530452471704,0.2197420417886796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30368100819227195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403022728884041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725960141244272,0.15027272115450085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280737599016132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324387047139684,0.0,0.0,0.33764096741800925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814242907568058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArchangelSamuel,2019/03/28,"Nobody loves meh. Sorry for mein bad engelska.My life has been turned into a nightmare that you can't wake up no matter what sacrifices did you did to achieve that end.
I can't find any reason to live.Every day,breath is a uncomprehensible pain to me.I cannot take any longer.I tried to don't think about it.I am not sure I am able think any longer.
I can't cry or feel anything because of some stupid monkeys.I am exhausted for being treated like shit all the time despite I tolerate their stupidness,shit they say.
I hate the fact that being a stupid mammal in the some ass-sized sphere in the middle of fucking nowhere in the first place.
Fuck this simulation that everybody have delude themselves that one day they will be rich or they will find someone who cares about her/him in order to stay alive without losing it.
Fuck this place,fuck the simians that cancers the whole world for a device that you can watch porn.
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suicidewatch,adhhcfthbbbvv,2019/03/28,"Help, there’s a voice in my head He says that he’ll always be there, his sole goal to get me to die, specially by my own hands. Please help. ",-0.006236559139782828,1.6308804193548454,1.3819354838709683,103.55956989247312,83.51612903225806,5.423655913978496,13.559139784946234,6.42735559955562,-1.1637182795698924,107,1,29,1,3,34,26,31,0.11,0.674,0.21600000000000005,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207396977041964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000542310973706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013907703477973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956006879076564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167412519931548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231273746735612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30653909234195365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throaway742617000027,2019/03/28,"I tried to kill myself last night I was gonna do it Tuesday but a friend talked talked to me and that was enough to get through the day.  

Last night me and some friends were making dinner and I was trying to make it work but then I did coke (a recently acquired habit) and right as I did the last line I felt my mind break. I started panicking and went up stairs to get away and cool off. At some point (I don’t even remember when) I grabbed my pocket knife and started pushing it into my neck. I don’t now how long I was gone but it was long enough for people to start worrying. Someone found me before I could get the knife in deep enough which lead to a freak out, 911 almost being called and me being babysat all night.   

Now I’m just sitting here with guilt about ruining the night and I’m not sure if I regret trying or regret failing. ",1.8188793103448264,3.7138251839080496,2.6213649425287358,95.63825431034485,78.77011494252874,5.499425287356321,20.645114942528735,6.322622252153567,0.0039321839080455065,658,17,147,5,16,206,104,174,0.139,0.767,0.094,-0.8072,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,4,9,11,1,1,7,1,14,3,1,4,2,35,29,18,1,4,7,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,12,2,0,3,0,0,4,3,7,0,0,12,3,21,4,19,13,6,36,0,4,0,0,5,11,0,5,19,96,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091924663410288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134538202709108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275408443237638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330492436854615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964134858191256,0.0,0.0,0.07787734402231378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743183092791877,0.0,0.07975790613172269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594427114736515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240223476296198,0.1865908866604399,0.0,0.18926938265708207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359813173630555,0.0,0.0,0.2952956864947606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372973492265288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121054316317204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219286884279084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532836379157437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371669826765979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415303244647752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923154388956525,0.0,0.13679250551626626,0.1031245853714218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231579107407714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641421304346423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381068282697145,0.0,0.0,0.19411748419587704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459552885851841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119416105841768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791148325346937,0.12263312914193185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwthisawayqu,2019/03/28,"Conflicted On 3/26 at about 8pm, I took 100 Tylenol trying to kill myself.  I had a pretty bad night but I feel relatively okay now. I went to the hospital and described symptoms but didn't tell them what I did. I have no clue why. After bloodwork and xrays, they didn't see any problem. Am I superman or the effects just aren't visible yet? I'm debating going back and telling them everything. 

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suicidewatch,kuntry78,2019/03/28,Im done Im just done living everyday as a burden...as a low life...as a loser...i walk out of a room and hear what people say what they truly think of me...im nothing but a piece of shit...i know in my heart that the pain of me being gone would fade in 2 weeks time...noone but 3 people would ever think of me from time to time...noone would actually smile at my memory...maybe the fact that im gone...,-0.5378156565656553,1.1513542840909103,2.168787878787878,96.92873737373738,85.70454545454545,5.2747474747474765,13.186868686868687,6.42735559955562,-0.9624282828282822,299,3,76,3,9,104,55,88,0.078,0.855,0.067,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,7,0,6,2,1,0,2,13,12,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,12,4,1,14,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.14476386735442942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036180245042702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418705186971291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719622742993118,0.17579020273304072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6409546436552039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152684014741064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478085605410747,0.0,0.0,0.13099184720500684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903305391420762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423415656222959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785013486922092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568826556822092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179703433842647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227458545048986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010768970064196,0.0,0.0,0.2595044668166279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899386008251245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161412885246904,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dragonbooty12,2019/03/28,"As someone who fuckes up everything he does there is no other choice for me if things go wrong tomorrow I grew up as a failure that was never able to make his parents proud qas always a extremely scared and shy kid, then i thought i knew who i was and went my own way but i fucked up everything, the company i worked with( the job i really loved ) went bankrupt i got a shitty appartment, never had a love(probably never will) dont have many friends(and im all alone by myself), had many jobs i went into and got fired short time later and now im running out of money and cant even do anything to stay in the city i love. No one ever cared about this shitty failure, no one will ever. Bc thats what i do i fuck  everything up. Tomorrow i will fixing this shitty life for the last time, but if this doesnt work it will never work. So there will be no reason to live anymore",3.364910256410255,4.373104850000004,4.691111111111116,86.09115384615384,72.72222222222223,7.7606837606837615,24.401709401709404,8.139509932561175,1.2862991452991452,683,19,143,10,13,227,110,180,0.28300000000000003,0.636,0.081,-0.9919,3,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,8,9,3,1,8,0,17,6,0,2,7,23,32,13,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,3,0,1,6,11,5,0,2,11,1,17,4,18,15,2,30,0,0,0,5,8,8,3,2,14,100,28,5,0.10829545177381293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216142783826183,0.0,0.0,0.0901104912435754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739998830366088,0.0,0.0,0.0891179294393477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041443059691516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477007963743483,0.0,0.1269214629364698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152812453787273,0.19591887232207156,0.0,0.0,0.2919869073697859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30035220034568616,0.0,0.0,0.061546800912723375,0.0,0.17322753152262335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23395534301708965,0.0,0.21493305124634304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827524719706284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649228026484238,0.0,0.0,0.09562686798092833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932226200877876,0.0,0.07228805498698476,0.21958918091074095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340965144431849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676760166051306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024928329215838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937683946983134,0.11134576100550277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084226395198974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917583848559276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542854242252935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194668610173557,0.0,0.0,0.08597449198905867,0.1262958976365279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595988887969297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117290628008525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365211360518243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840407600983414,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway3774321,2019/03/28,"I don’t know what to do All my life has been just getting day to day. I wake up, do as I’m told, come home then just wait till the next day, I’ve never done anything notable, not got any plans to do anything, can’t even get replies for a job anywhere. All I do is waste resources. But I don’t want my baby sister to grow up being “the girl who’s brother killed himself”. It’s all too hard, and I can’t take it anymore",1.4699539170506917,2.267166010752689,3.0408909370199706,96.92419354838717,77.06451612903227,5.314285714285715,24.038402457757297,3.1291,-0.07190814132104427,321,10,80,0,7,106,64,93,0.102,0.882,0.015,-0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,3,0,13,2,1,0,4,13,23,5,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,4,1,8,0,9,18,3,11,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,7,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121007780948806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051794697709992,0.0,0.0,0.3659609865738717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915404776098804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43020473576396107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754794950752266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686440309115348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323442381704117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783884437340142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918779204520792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304174784063532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065456405990966,0.0,0.24600457588670166,0.0,0.12220134384748922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705700596454356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149507793453098,0.0,0.236478711751122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718445174592594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247121082973228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115165327681969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bluezim,2019/03/28,"I lost the love of my life 6 days ago. I found her in the bed next to me, dead from what seemed to be some sort of asphyxiation. She and I had known each other since 1st grade and I never have and never will know a love as great as ours. I'll never feel her arms around me again and I wont ever feel her soft lips against mine. I wont see her sleepy eyes in the morning or her crazy bed head after she took a nap for 2 hours in the middle of the day. I dont have anyone to cook for and this bed is way too big for just one person. I cant watch TV because all of our favorite shows are all I would want to watch. Everywhere I look I'm reminded of her. I can't make any artwork because her support and approval was all I really cared about. She was the one thing I had that was good in this life. I have so many people around me telling me that I need to stay strong but none of them know what its like to be so in love and then have it ripped away. The most fucked up thing is that I know I'll never kill myself, because if I want to believe that she's somehow still around through spirit or if she's in heaven, that means that if I take my own life I definitely won't see her again. So now I'm in purgatory and I have to sit with this until my day comes. The best I can do is just wait and hope that I get hit by a car, get struck by lightning, or just die of a broken heart. I don't know why this happened but I don't want to be here anymore. This place isn't reality, I've just been slowly convinced that this life really is hell and we all did something terrible to be here.",3.4219211822660114,3.094611931034485,4.537799671592776,92.0443103448276,71.93103448275863,7.66305418719212,23.755336617405586,6.868970318607317,0.44318538587848977,1224,25,307,9,21,403,175,348,0.096,0.738,0.166,0.9625,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,3,0,1,4,20,18,3,0,12,0,34,14,5,1,9,60,69,25,3,9,12,0,3,1,0,5,4,0,3,1,21,17,1,1,10,4,0,3,14,5,0,2,10,9,50,13,43,49,10,39,3,1,6,4,22,15,2,12,19,211,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008607417940984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910974559340337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078653113033928,0.07105985919724726,0.0,0.0,0.2714083383774573,0.0,0.0,0.09548177460168697,0.0,0.0,0.1858523606350116,0.0,0.0,0.11449866315467865,0.10665111330190544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361535063794183,0.0,0.0,0.08754253598847893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662274017994788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547262954954446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910591590742922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919273076104998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277118176630813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142859981452867,0.0,0.09395238884824146,0.10619167335050947,0.0,0.0,0.08523978340787322,0.0,0.11204396521217733,0.0,0.0,0.08986829128645105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429847146166936,0.0,0.0,0.12042831119982135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009383966510593,0.10008197993242048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243505658242746,0.0,0.2234058445525664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28712820952440965,0.04964974745067997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534096190879578,0.0,0.11093771607250742,0.0,0.2751666102983188,0.0,0.0678367141316446,0.10303367890120947,0.0,0.1107014368431737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753550244664812,0.3135235793346742,0.0,0.10808131206682264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377299726687058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045526448825644,0.0887366489053774,0.1061784321646815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302095298405608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196688978930046,0.09251727096369154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406678373885201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823731718023856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832070438690533,0.08115933681079956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532494948651505,0.0,0.0,0.07641074652372526,0.0,0.08882634970390453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503273199649224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129111740330149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798264544946856,0.08066666629458437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170242860953913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219280120212679,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CatmanNJack,2019/03/28,"Lost and Losing Hope I honestly thought that at 19, I’d be better off and be on my way to be independent and living on my own. Though with no money, no experience to get a job, no diploma to try to get into college, and now no home. We’re crammed in a hotel in hopes of the situation getting resolved, but with not a lot of money, it wont be long before we’re on the streets. Soon, of I can find something strong enough in the area, im gonna hang myself. I dont care anymore as all my time trying to find a job has been effortless and frail, and my family wont be able to be of any help. So, with nothing left to really do than suffer, I might as well kick the bucket and call it a day. No ones cared about me and life so far has wanted me to be alone and hurt. So I might as well see if Death will be any better haha",5.002666666666666,3.233978822222223,6.566666666666666,83.60500000000003,69.1111111111111,9.555555555555557,28.333333333333336,8.167268648758528,1.5591666666666666,628,15,151,7,9,219,108,180,0.16399999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.165,0.0804,2,1,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,6,9,16,0,0,9,1,19,1,0,1,1,28,31,18,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,3,13,0,0,4,1,2,1,9,4,2,1,3,1,12,12,29,14,4,20,0,4,1,0,2,13,0,6,5,102,15,3,0.12986374579111098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344996757830436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662360071110056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878994039533195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050448275140294,0.0,0.0,0.22970785977374944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326054040899397,0.0,0.2648094875979889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375137267562749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521993428924712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418396416964598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703166228281004,0.12242398195445932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373862219459076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203545341742232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704493139350558,0.0,0.13026392547110524,0.257968003114992,0.0,0.0,0.13902182577526012,0.0,0.14027513018506238,0.0,0.25773945878595395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109733977823408,0.0,0.09172660417949294,0.0,0.0,0.1146720667476668,0.11492532845137438,0.0,0.14528431368055694,0.14176161914031332,0.11040551270010608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275529824173586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460776653116333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879990350482142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319404090504474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348459187966837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459722913468639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997545607857934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759047088551526,0.1030973082369729,0.07572459450737637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633791782401748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659700192123105,0.10307979674917384,0.0,0.0,0.2335262069502031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Raphael3655,2019/03/28,"What's the point of trying... Ive been tortured in a relationship for 5 years.. ive been cheated by this girl in my first year with her. Ive put so much effort to forgive her and loved her with all i have. My life was centered around her to make her happy and comfortable. She has no job, barely passed highschool, no post secondary, and not much of physically good looking either. Yet i still loved her with all my heart. Ive studied hard so i can provide for her. Im working full time making close to 100k per year. I dont like my job, i didnt like studying, and throughout times when i was in need of help, my girlfriend made it worse by flipping the table and making me put effort to comfort her. Yet i did all that because i loved her, because i know she is going through many depression as well and i understood where she was coming from. Ive sacrificed my energy, social life, and even had to leave church community that ive been in for 10 years because of the bad rumor going around about us. Her dad hates me and wants to kill me.  Whenever she does something that hurt me by accident, rather than clarifying or comforting me, she goes the opposite direction and purposely hurts me more to push me away.  Im trapped.. typically the things she has done thus far, anyone would leave her... but i put too much effort to understand her that i take all the abuses.. she hates herself. She hates me looking at her in a bad way. She wants me to have a happier life with another girl while she commits suicide. She said the only reason why shes not killing herself is because she has me. Her family is a mess. She really has nothing other than me in her life.  I dont mind if she is useless. I dont mind if she cant make a cent, or have bad looks, or if she has messed up family.  I just want her to accept that i love her, and not doubt that i see her in negative way.. but now my effort is reaching its limit.. ive put my pride as human being to take her abuse. I stopped fighting back. Even if no matter how much i see this is unfair and retarded, i try to give her kindness.. i feel like throughout the five year together i lost something about myself. I feel no excitement, no happiness, no nothing. I want to die.. whenever she gets angry and hurts me on purpose, i want to die. Whenever she said she wants to commit suicide i want to die.. i just want her to simply love me back and protect this relationship when we are fighting, not try to break us apart at the excuse of ""i want you to have a better life"". Ive tried so hard, but i feel nothing is changing... i always thought love would eventually conquer, but im having doubts now.. i just want to die and escape..",3.1406540980704563,4.567272328996285,4.3860116834838045,86.43221809169765,73.85130111524164,7.42864223756417,26.192423437776604,8.037061389416179,1.4978304478668796,2075,72,431,31,42,683,234,538,0.218,0.632,0.15,-0.9937,2,1,2,0,6,8,79.0,3,1,0,11,27,44,9,2,15,0,45,12,1,8,6,86,92,34,8,18,20,1,5,3,1,2,5,2,0,3,14,23,0,3,10,0,1,9,16,22,1,2,16,12,108,22,57,73,11,53,1,6,5,6,70,21,0,9,22,302,122,4,0.0,0.13216085426233287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464065801062565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058481563275615635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899691807578494,0.0,0.0,0.09929739852529504,0.0,0.0,0.05239941345136795,0.08577009650212936,0.13970129413028287,0.13599181241938155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932559798315316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899913718407485,0.04804244115672855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803614344960401,0.0,0.2315291665503629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880625143284288,0.057073883864981474,0.1960922958807359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367345567442445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515332167267076,0.0,0.08459964742051393,0.03984336335948525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047439438746834386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029138447730985333,0.05350136339718368,0.06339276387073861,0.04677871428266571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874017166237168,0.09992110177318424,0.1651892281006763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608981552902507,0.037382641557116285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911449862869908,0.0,0.18072924501646245,0.0,0.1106897512431072,0.0,0.12340639961642424,0.058077715666970724,0.030650706024778717,0.0,0.0,0.1181085024372515,0.0,0.0,0.1969662512451188,0.08174180848472255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050272000236028,0.0,0.06088147477446525,0.0,0.3020171973380624,0.052772596918399466,0.14891235718207932,0.05654382066820712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262717714151955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399467140787094,0.04135406049090474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054355136690435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424169439673818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052722349318932965,0.0,0.053413938553865566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242641309326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035728823735662066,0.05734266794336624,0.0,0.11975601713720885,0.0,0.0,0.10610344902865923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888575918185491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685229562192993,0.0,0.085871666029565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044539407261003874,0.04662769669595083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201052767719775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838668597421233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037052285542810516,0.0,0.0,0.044276555310305415,0.06504193473896938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514614824645677,0.0,0.0,0.05806037907039512,0.13417314370938468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32895634717965505,0.08853806952261596,0.0,0.0,0.05014551880767943,0.0,0.05032534733723828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060251252114642,0.0,0.05683619795726059,0.07923732993407978,0.0,0.0,0.1795759554264645
suicidewatch,whatiscalm,2019/03/28,"too empty headed to think of a title just the peace of death is all i want now
",-0.9683333333333336,0.8378821666666703,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,88.44444444444444,3.6,9.0,3.1291,-2.0952,61,0,15,0,2,21,17,18,0.253,0.5329999999999999,0.213,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7624687622157789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760446947279452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438204102293116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yikes_the_kid,2019/03/28,"maybe i can finally do it I’ve been depressed and anxious as long as I can remember, I always wonder what it would be like not to feel it to any degree
it gets worse around this time of year but this year it’s just enough 
every day i’m having such bad panic attacks and it used to be that i could smoke weed to help them but now the weed just causes them 
i just want to die.
i do all the things that used to help me- gardening, looking at old photos, art- and i just don’t want to do it anymore. i just want to die. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m tired of fighting for nothing to work. 
all day I’ve been looking at helium tanks and where to get them. I pissed off my two best friends so within the next week would be the time to do it. Every day I do something for my future and pretend like i don’t want to die, and I’m tired of fighting it. I’m selfish in so many ways...why not be selfish in this way as well? It just doesn’t fucking matter anymore 
I just don’t want to feel bad anymore. Maybe once I write my letters I’ll feel guilty and I won’t do it. But I don’t see a future anymore and I just think it’s time. I’ve felt like this before but never to this extent and I’ve never been in this situation before. 
there’s no more smoking weed. my medicine shit out a long time ago...and I don’t want to be dependent on pills. my life, and my brain chemistry is not sustainable. there is nowhere I want to be. there is no one I want to be with. 
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suicidewatch,hfj3,2019/03/28,this will be the Day that I diE If no one knew my name the only time they would see it is in an obituary.,6.142000000000002,1.8312280000000032,7.376000000000001,86.70800000000001,69.0,11.6,29.0,8.841846274778883,1.5893999999999997,80,1,23,1,1,28,24,25,0.217,0.7829999999999999,0.0,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32204486468646026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5182551928681579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383781832973866,0.37978457408581456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979240020112503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911799056239455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547298884126701,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bambino337,2019/03/28,"That’s the way it is I don’t really know what to say, I guess I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts.
  
Telling me to kill myself and I’m not worth it, I’ve been dealing with it for a couple of years, I just haven’t really been happy for a long time.  
I’ve just isolated myself and now there’s no one I can even talk to about this stuff.  ",-0.10050000000000026,1.8186930000000001,2.0689166666666696,96.927375,85.66666666666666,5.883333333333333,17.375,7.1686216300943375,-0.07189999999999985,265,6,65,4,8,89,50,75,0.153,0.79,0.056,-0.7084,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,11,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,7,1,9,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605348955151504,0.0,0.0,0.4855032163337151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552083088849158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25938860734201546,0.0,0.0,0.25065432302213553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605044873979771,0.0,0.1294040906499048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837699717098934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955555598042093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016867501692377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724931546096035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695483505004782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892559239347873,0.2058046965101596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693100812778585,0.13730013938671656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868992571526724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516301986372742
suicidewatch,mgiaf,2019/03/28,"I feel dead inside Why not just kill myself? I'll never be good enough. It's not temporary, it's been happening off-and-on for almost 20 years. I have everything I should ever want and it's not enough to make me happy. Nothing will ever make me happy. At least if I had some major tragedy or medical condition it would make sense, but I'm just me and I don't like me.",0.8357692307692304,2.8748222564102583,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,82.84615384615384,6.464102564102564,18.724358974358974,7.6454224807358475,0.5184051282051283,288,7,63,5,8,98,54,78,0.13,0.7609999999999999,0.11,-0.3609,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,3,22,15,5,2,4,8,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,1,10,4,3,9,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747697510605933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075405666777777,0.0,0.0,0.3567748332752179,0.0,0.0,0.17723931502993182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997151232676365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541009578249696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439183999766214,0.4198666737444112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181832559289678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634667232900544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949169132115172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986679723584941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521002377483448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922797555883428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631935962679975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779510328787439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400920753694404,0.0,0.0,0.12699654722375245
suicidewatch,rw1ngz57,2019/03/28,"Worthless I'm not doing so hot. As a kid, I was probably an autistic mess and still probably am (I never confirmed for myself whether I'm not), I'm a social pariah, I lost two relationships, got fired from one job and quit the other, and now I can't graduate due to an inability to fulfill and might even fail out this semester. I hate my family and I don't trust my friends. I just want to quit, travel to Aokigahara, and put myself out of my misery.

I'm not sure why I should keep going, really",4.94029411764706,4.7676142058823565,6.7733333333333325,76.78000000000003,68.70588235294119,10.329411764705883,29.745098039215684,10.125756701596842,2.7951450980392147,387,13,79,9,6,136,69,102,0.29100000000000004,0.6709999999999999,0.038,-0.9797,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,1,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,2,19,17,9,0,2,5,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,0,1,0,3,6,5,0,2,3,2,13,3,10,12,0,9,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,55,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096297652351913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692203143619707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319169656269666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268787340793335,0.0,0.15858372696471645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957618050594324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196763666923765,0.17624159438827985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164475408033126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103452021146617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292681815823844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436058959229225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275617115790524,0.0,0.0,0.19932754508072664,0.0,0.4217932932561054,0.0,0.0,0.127024124530942,0.0,0.0,0.2128799893709202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021228891378765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583477602373204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687784705102825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936920895568792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695149081464158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891809801865033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatumakeofit,2019/03/28,"Nothing goes right. My personal situation doesn't matter, and frankly none of this does. I'm just scared. I want to die, but I'm afraid of the pain before going. If I shoot myself theres a chance I wont die right away. Carbon monoxide seems peaceful. Anyone have any insight on that method? I have a wife and child to take care of so I wont do this until my million dollar life insurance kicks in... just looking for advice and I dont know where to go. I'm just a piece of shit who is worth more to my family dead than alive. ",0.7087878787878772,2.887301000000001,2.3595454545454544,94.47265151515153,84.45454545454545,5.121212121212121,18.25757575757576,6.42735559955562,-0.16478787878787934,410,10,91,4,12,134,77,110,0.231,0.626,0.14300000000000002,-0.9215,0,0,1,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,2,4,0,8,3,1,0,0,13,19,7,3,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,10,1,14,17,3,9,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,2,1,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935833935856974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471643987431392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851781925727308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612374617753974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685705698047851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197862160274865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41119807445661466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336076408554693,0.0,0.2321745626647169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675333237168545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251723428759496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887191005702704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399255989241649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635614073074795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008461632741455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210794943786586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729753933293372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383567711779522,0.0,0.0,0.1983350832166716,0.0,0.0,0.1803450043709237,0.0,0.0,0.20334928891100107,0.0,0.2226754219863406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894836685373986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168459408859249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adictedtocoffee,2019/03/28,"My Plan I have a history of health issues and really bad period pain. And I have one doctor that will basically prescribe me anything if I cry hard enough.
I think I can get hold of fentanyl patches, so maybe thats what I’ll try to do. 
Ill keep going to that doctor complaining of pain and say nothing works and say maybe he could prescribe me those said parches. My only issue is that he might notice that I’m being followed by a psychiatrist and won’t prescribe. But I have a backup doctor in another hospital that I might ask them for it.
So once I get hold of this patches I will clean my room and my computer, i dont want anyone prying too much on my business.
Plan a family holiday in another city so I can say my goodbyes without them noticing.
I’ll write some letters cause my aunt died a year ago and my family is very sensitive and I don’t want them to feel bad. And then ill book a hotel, i dont want my family finding me, leave my ids out so they know who I am.

I think thats a great plan and will take some time but at least I have an ideia.
The only thing I’m wore it about is leaving my family traumatised. They took mt aunts death really bad ( my grandma is showing signs of Alzheimer) and my aunt died of cancer and everyone was expecting that.
My death will be super unexpected, my family has no ideia of how I’m feeling. 
The only thing keeping me alive now is knowing that my death will ruin lives. My brother will be mentally incapacitated and he has a son to take care of. My sisters will feel guilty.
But I don’t think its fair that I have to keep living because of others.  

Idk what to do about any of this.",3.057478120681715,4.447159625748505,4.717604790419163,84.12010594196225,74.0,8.012713035467527,25.421004145555052,8.617729084823388,1.6997930907415937,1281,42,265,24,26,433,166,334,0.215,0.72,0.066,-0.9943,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,5,5,9,10,0,0,11,0,36,9,0,2,0,46,64,23,5,6,5,6,4,0,0,10,9,4,2,0,22,14,0,5,9,4,0,3,7,7,0,1,4,8,45,3,26,46,5,15,0,1,0,0,23,6,0,5,6,172,67,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468100596273393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729171095263055,0.17668330860507864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890834756381901,0.0,0.06932914580318457,0.0,0.07876075750994987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103135313793286,0.05135696195444387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589672365356031,0.08654617806110901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726538632109386,0.0,0.09254276594604054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487280133015468,0.0,0.0,0.2586950153278712,0.0,0.0,0.19747668431782206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705098139472292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050283005574005,0.0,0.0,0.3971088438672131,0.0,0.12779536640149905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700139028479891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803248518620313,0.0,0.04788023196950305,0.0,0.0,0.09288401243276137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754698997081706,0.0,0.0,0.0895519688141195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758666059391129,0.0,0.22465119360550007,0.0,0.0,0.09260128916214427,0.0,0.0,0.17841350176172174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487855275511928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927741704785426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490243831964624,0.1787481965244535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193217040340888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083848493422321,0.19183442207398985,0.0,0.08972165540988007,0.05708880647653826,0.19222381160759985,0.17929219330564786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794319502769796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013939513057793,0.20099281157956256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668842479228706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194161090104628,0.1619486642137031,0.0,0.0,0.049125842334264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360292518048448,0.0571990434873259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951364394831858,0.14907543305338533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121232354356528,0.0,0.061333742192442815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425312213549385
suicidewatch,thomas15v,2019/03/28,"Driving a car while dealing with shitty emotions? Every time I am on the road, I get overwhelmed by emotions and suicidal thoughts. And then that little voice in my mind is like:

- What if you just drive in to that pole, it's all going to be over soon
- Or just go a little bit more right and you can drive in the canal.

The thing is I only have a few reasons I don't wanna do it:

- I don't want anyone to cleanup me or trying to save what is left of me.
- There is a slight chance that after hitting the pole, I might put other people in danger.
- I don't want to make my mother to go trough the grief of losing me.
- If there is a slight chance I can solve my mental problems, I guess I do want to live. Although I don't see any way to solve those (yet).

But the will to live is in missing, because willing to live would mean that you have purpose. I don't have a purpose or any goal in my life. The last goal I had I finished a few months ago (paying of my car loan). In a way I am a ticking time bomb, I only have to forget my reasons to not do it and I am fairly certain that it will happen.





",1.7731820330969263,2.7501108595744657,3.3603900709219867,94.22361111111113,76.57446808510639,5.392434988179669,21.99172576832151,4.4756072100314475,-0.1641536643026007,832,21,195,1,18,276,117,235,0.134,0.794,0.07200000000000001,-0.9368,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,3,6,9,1,1,16,0,30,1,0,3,2,32,45,13,2,8,9,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,14,5,0,0,4,0,2,9,6,6,0,0,2,2,29,3,28,36,5,36,0,4,1,0,5,14,0,7,12,141,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684414609432048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792745279270387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921666155964284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035189521362229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439055024564556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589326942436125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965434489970239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110580184868113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886677828948641,0.0,0.22473685566312224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520672455817274,0.0,0.1165616756193496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074450726587998,0.0,0.0,0.14321505664397954,0.0,0.09310332026084346,0.06439710463039927,0.2642222257721513,0.3491795074356755,0.0,0.0,0.14746487244866094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798610671801463,0.0,0.0,0.14358284537513316,0.0,0.0,0.1328363588425023,0.13983261285487758,0.13309341165294558,0.0,0.10521176623691804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004992374945892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138243942770684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612710404922736,0.0,0.1325083299375318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271051144264225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256746110652326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050377825061735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441818733122454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757060627090545,0.0,0.0,0.10464468615926084,0.15372227582407255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949227862602069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23323991762317425,0.2092538236863362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363607291644548,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Frostbitten21,2019/03/28,"My girlfriend insults me for being suicidal I have been suicidal for about 2 years now, and it has gotten worse since I started dating my girlfriend. In this time her abuse has caused me to cut myself, and make 10+ attempts on my own life. I try to break up with her, but she hurts her self and threatens suicide when I try to leave. Yet she makes fun of my for wanting to take my own life. I recently lost my best friend to suicide, and she didn’t support me through this, instead she just got mad at me when I stayed the night with my friends after the funeral which I spoke at. She yelled at me the next day, and texted me that she hates me, and that I’m a bad person. What makes me sad is she manipulates me so much, and I didn’t get to see my now passed friend for almost 4 months straight. She won’t let me go out with friends, she doesn’t like my family, she abuses me, and I’m ready to end it all. I have been abusive to her when I have to fight back to her physical abuse, and she is now threatening to go to the police. I can’t take this mental, emotional, and physical abuse anymore. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I don’t know how to be happy anymore. ",5.51150139017609,4.332001534136548,5.907309236947793,86.82517145505098,67.79518072289157,9.267964164349708,29.997219647822057,8.139509932561175,1.7137881371640409,918,27,213,10,13,296,131,249,0.269,0.578,0.153,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,5,3,27.0,0,0,0,3,14,18,5,0,5,0,19,4,2,6,2,31,41,17,5,3,3,0,0,1,6,1,2,2,0,2,9,15,0,0,1,0,0,4,7,9,0,0,8,3,51,9,33,28,5,35,0,3,1,0,27,9,0,1,21,148,60,0,0.0,0.5558713051855797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395808226096798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861100590797789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215016239815608,0.07834487363928165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984697299080215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639017070219744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491633039256143,0.0,0.0,0.060513161465981125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554712169904887,0.08310631785285655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845541214006199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899740507156632,0.0,0.04902276717780259,0.0,0.1599787709704233,0.0,0.07504513416418307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988472693874556,0.0,0.09263857777902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044790815568304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051567003127973014,0.0,0.0,0.09935336415575967,0.0,0.09594844202737007,0.13255106470762587,0.04584103316043478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024275002863698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187898542591342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455946762761787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489492101571474,0.0,0.06897650030168953,0.0,0.07236816668169263,0.0,0.09979021575890537,0.08805393377059524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192951372125368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926466838052435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477107082064446,0.0,0.09788608178705434,0.0,0.0,0.07761788163961822,0.0,0.09389865331668723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641398672432806,0.10001124389795417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105430561559872,0.10647818176493867,0.0,0.0,0.14109830341784327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054713546393064916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741002986527744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534388986102421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790089254018297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562169287307007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042401664548337
suicidewatch,aa2234,2019/03/28,"Leaving this world next month So, this is it! 

Holy shit i can't belive it's about to end.

My existence has been plagued by a strong dehabilitating gender dysphoria for 20 years: the consequences of this had a strong impact on my brain and my skills, i always had to find excuses to lock myself inside my room and leave everything in the hands of another inept mother, to the point where socially speaking, im literally a 5 years old. 

Also, living 20 years like this also left me unable to adapt or learn anything at all: i've made up some hobbies and tried them in order to feel a sense of accomplishment, but i can't even do that at all; it's like if im some kind of heavy elephant and im trying to climb a mountain and on the top of the mountain there's absolutely nothing waiting for me at all.

No one really knows: i was trying to open up to my mother with the help of a mental health professional, but good luck finding one when you don't even have an income. It would also be completely useless: she doesn't really understand those kind of issues; whatever i say it's false, not true or probably someone else got me to think like this; to her, im not capable of critical thinking. 

I've attempted suicide once to try making my discomfort clear to her, but it was a trainwreck: no one saw it as a suicide attempt and instead my freedom was limited even more than before. 

I've already spoke to a mental health center and they didn't even knew what i was talking about: they are supposed to let me something know more next week, but there's no way im going to listen to them; i was open with them and all i got were doubts and ignorance. 

Today i've learned how to reach the underground on my own with public transports: this is exactly how im going to do it. 

I enter the underground, sneak in and lay down on the rails: i will of course bring something to listen to music meanwhile, so that if i end up half dead on the side of the rails, i can at least wait while doing something fun. 

I don't know if it's going to be painless or it will take a while, but it's okay either way for me. 

Im not posting this to get people to talk to me into ""getting help""; i've already tried, it didn't worked. 

Im posting this because im planning on leaving some stuff behind: i will probably link all of it once im done in my profile i guess. 

Squashed by a train it's definitely a gruesome death: but that's exactly the point. 

Something like this can't be ignored: it will raise awareness in a country where people with my same conditions are ignored and treated like living trash. 

Im feeling quite calm about this and i hope it will turn out to be a good experience. ",6.187537585567143,5.48308547495362,6.895726441046642,78.72769944341374,66.23562152133582,9.809250847674493,32.871921182266014,9.130062681391069,2.6680126799309063,2097,77,423,32,29,696,248,539,0.101,0.764,0.135,0.9325,1,0,4,0,0,2,50.0,0,1,5,12,20,25,1,2,27,1,39,5,3,4,9,78,68,35,4,5,16,2,3,5,0,6,2,5,1,0,32,20,0,6,14,0,0,7,14,7,0,4,18,9,42,18,73,39,14,59,0,1,1,0,23,33,1,13,19,280,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587655594966873,0.1368298613343546,0.04745673680912724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980497054948986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693400362168181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03476730905081661,0.0,0.04853161043808659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636686451626652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059798912561491474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058365436088016226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764446799256012,0.0,0.10103013516693124,0.0,0.0,0.1506812950988687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125835191710408,0.05579005478973336,0.0,0.0,0.05767606221054002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425582166440832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059595671209973576,0.0,0.09724096357871458,0.09567458437569863,0.09123036905150647,0.0,0.0628292220805629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124864311994908,0.0,0.0,0.07645718247472552,0.0,0.0,0.05664748759936145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6776698630741828,0.05952852746456357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878396816020363,0.09403294654559656,0.0,0.0,0.18117185436583613,0.06196745107049205,0.058320981590381425,0.0,0.13931930495917508,0.0,0.10072387894069162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053966813261315916,0.03807054153869837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495342403023966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045523879465646525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131230509225248,0.0,0.0,0.05472552273245843,0.0,0.05984743740448811,0.12147838982193747,0.11594284996098693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908018858681473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783085716976364,0.0,0.10924533624695804,0.0,0.12298428560809828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060662525947202575,0.0,0.0,0.07307469676242817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045355611204688485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585444332526097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813883341860133,0.04832460083219031,0.17562979408503854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529011951829372,0.12477156227978273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042882361517233916,0.09168330557619528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308998358170389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054061426386890835,0.0,0.0,0.19361122101605172,0.06203645729125652,0.0,0.059374255165388176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054163985586433,0.045749118793930815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041521326201875416,0.0,0.0,0.040515214690778685,0.0,0.0,0.11018379938028247
suicidewatch,Drowsyflakes,2019/03/28,"Want To Just Kill Myself, Getting Less and Less Scared of It I really don't see how people are able to just keep going. I get so mad when I see people who are obviously happy, smiling, motivated in life, or even just able to pick themselves back up. I'm finding it harder and harder to want to keep going at all. I've dealt with depression for a long time now, but for a few years now it's been just unbearable, simply going through the motions without really feeling anything. Even at the start I had a few hobbies, but now I don't have anything. Feel bad when people as what I like to do, because I honestly just don't have an answer. It's enough I go to classes at all, completely numb and unmotivated in the slightest. I'm currently a biology and biochemistry undergrad with piss poor grades. When I started I was simply getting my generals, but at least felt a moment of joy when I declared my major. Though now I'm right back to square one, not caring about my grades and yet still feeling enraged and disappointed at myself for them. Wake up, go through classes and lab, go home, and just sit at my desk alone with YouTube or Netflix, that's really about it for me. I absolutely can't see how the hell I'm supposed to do anything with my life if I'm already like this early on. What's the fucking point?

​

Lately all I can seem to think about is how I'd want to kill myself. Seems like the only thing I can do. If I really did, I wouldn't mind just buying a gun or some rope and going out into the woods late at night, decrease the chance anyone could actually stop me. Hell, maybe pop as many pills as I can beforehand for fun. Doesn't matter. At first I was concerned about how much it'd hurt friends and family. But I can't keep going for the sake of others. How the fuck is that something to tell someone anyway? I've never understood how telling someone to keep suffering for your own happiness is meant to be a good thing to tell someone. Killing myself seems like the one thing I know I could do right.",4.965868945868948,5.528806666666667,5.723024691358027,81.7755341880342,68.75308641975309,8.601139601139602,29.404083570750238,8.617729084823388,2.093881291547958,1600,56,319,24,26,523,197,405,0.202,0.687,0.111,-0.9934,1,1,1,1,0,3,45.0,0,1,1,2,34,29,10,1,19,0,30,8,2,8,5,75,72,34,3,8,18,0,4,4,1,1,4,0,1,0,16,16,0,5,14,1,2,9,10,17,0,3,8,8,34,12,54,59,13,54,2,4,4,2,7,18,5,9,30,218,50,8,0.15371903797108954,0.0,0.0750038034109867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960328205090206,0.08481639043356172,0.0,0.0,0.0832772567092699,0.09339272826101473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374196274752155,0.0,0.18974650580899885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118200451689822,0.06417448792867711,0.046852849389324686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836340202418199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805857433428012,0.0,0.0,0.12273214358795415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661989910788933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941642895656023,0.0,0.1015299748211296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245631417755409,0.0,0.11658744650772515,0.0,0.07379719140823905,0.0,0.07024820792519873,0.06537666758540091,0.0,0.0,0.059381473709951574,0.14211077360869434,0.12046777923086148,0.0,0.34944828694236146,0.06446611794989578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636367743141212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770963642846294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227970472040771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27326508782372266,0.2551010102171312,0.0,0.042239981584384134,0.0,0.17340177036139734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857630253101562,0.150198714608298,0.0,0.0,0.06801825567419441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792348867282023,0.07721571744247954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760620398944462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650059002397485,0.0,0.05927879928069992,0.0,0.0,0.07212745196132797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041639984091818,0.058455127611077434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598541388458592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265708863335303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969527038504122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127521852075652,0.0,0.0,0.07694978675602626,0.0,0.1837412567880315,0.20991005832835974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536846305365704,0.059170212731427536,0.0,0.0,0.10880312626348357,0.0,0.061380111145344175,0.06425799941335708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153582194139008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318614759370364,0.04924847631458197,0.07551408716620507,0.0,0.04481740360834991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600120697743584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740898335637341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339272826101473,0.04949501028837593
suicidewatch,throwaway2344444445,2019/03/28,"So close to killing myself Ive been dropped out of school for the whole year, and probably havent talked to anyone outside of my house the entire time. I have no job no friends and no one who truly loves or thinks about me, not even my own family. No matter if i actually achieve my dreams or get where i want to go in life i know ill always go out by suicide. If nothing changes ill probably kill myself by the end of the year. sorry.",2.844238095238097,4.1760652333333335,3.846507936507937,90.385,74.44444444444444,6.920634920634923,25.079365079365076,7.447530270364453,0.994936507936508,341,11,75,4,7,110,63,90,0.263,0.605,0.132,-0.9409,1,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,14,11,7,3,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,1,0,11,2,13,10,2,12,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,4,4,49,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.17668544951726142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065387300928812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265992178283969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915342285649023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603627027156104,0.0,0.0,0.11958639712209447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068436344055865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988413784764644,0.0,0.09459477501036133,0.0,0.20579765576396072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891539232379525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967106915685582,0.0,0.400625342651348,0.0,0.09950415571518248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278858667639552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341095160143493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372901102034974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268886406729675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904199949663839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323928307560272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267841393080335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980468987413988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552670499556314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601397235820055,0.0,0.0,0.10557575406339874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679207052131301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021436005633201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331894582397188
suicidewatch,KrazyKatLady123,2019/03/28,"To anyone, please kill me I'm at work, and all I can think about is killing myself. I'm on my break and I wish I would've brought my knife like I usually did. Now I'm just thinking if I should take a glass, break it, and then use it. ",1.0134905660377385,1.7136178490566039,2.4907075471698157,100.80511792452832,78.05660377358491,6.054716981132076,20.797169811320764,5.985473137389443,-0.33884528301886796,178,4,49,1,4,58,39,53,0.16699999999999998,0.696,0.13699999999999998,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,13,5,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,4,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135518252966366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6055466762280587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370046877808348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004055245400165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057644430125992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35071109027997904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23636147461234114,0.3014068807792118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31470494706579705,0.0,0.0,0.1992337235354858,0.0,0.0,0.1944060515658303,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eaoue,2019/03/28,"I don't know what to do, I'm worried I fucked up when talking to my suicidal friend I have a friend who is seriously depressed, not leaving her house, and not speaking to any people except for me this past year. She has several times planned to killed herself, and at least twice actually attempted (at least I think she did - she does also lie a lot and I am not entirely sure whether she tells me she attempted it as a way to get through to me how terrible she's feeling). She will often put these attempts in the future, saying she'll kill herself in six months etc. Each time, she will disappear for a month or so before getting back in touch with me to tell me she didn't succeed. She's at the other side of the world from me, and I don't know anyone who knows her, and I don't even know what city she is in, so I don't know how to alert anyone about her attempts. Even if I could alert the police, I would worry that this could have serious repercussions for her (socially, financially - the landlady would be likely to throw her out if she found out, leaving her homeless, and I'm not sure if it would be possible for future potential employers to find out about it too), so I would be worried about calling them if she wasn't actually planning on going through with it in any case; it could make her situation even worse. Obviously it would be better than her dying, but if she was never actually planning on killing herself, I'm worried it could really fuck up her life even worse.

​

When she plans for it, I always ask if we can make a phone call on that day, in the hope that having some social contact will make her put it off at least for a bit. She always refused this phone call, and instead would disappear for a period of time before getting back in touch. This is partly why I sometimes wonder if she might be telling me this in order to be able to feel like someone cares for her and is worried about her. When we get back in touch after, she generally won't give me much details about the attempt, but will rather talk about it in the abstract (but that would be understandable in any case). She once sent me picture of blood and a text saying that she was leaving this world, which made the attempt feel a bit staged in order to elicit a reaction from me (I do NOT want to diminish the severity of this. She is in a lot of pain, and I'm aware of that. I have never once implied to her that I have any doubts about the attempts, and would of course never bring this up to her; I always respond as I would if I trusted her 100%. Whether the attempts are real or not doesn't change the amount or severity of the pain she's in, but it does influence my assessment of how to respond to the situation, which is why I bring it up).

​

This time, she agreed to talk to me before her attempt next week, but this actually made her seem relieved, like it won't be as scary anymore, and will actually be easier for her to go through with the event if she could have me calm her down first. She also wanted me to stay on the phone with her as she dies, which I told her I couldn't do. I am worrying that I might actually have made it easier for her to go through with it, and don't know what to do. Should I still call her as we agreed upon? I don't know what to do.

​

Please let me know if any of this is inappropriate for this sub.",9.947441939503797,5.9361874742268075,9.488372606774671,73.54997592613573,61.59204712812961,12.802560326271667,39.370171066047355,10.214889679676881,3.672906151580378,2641,90,556,40,26,857,242,679,0.101,0.823,0.076,-0.9181,1,0,0,0,0,0,78.0,3,0,1,16,30,26,5,1,28,0,72,6,1,11,6,116,117,49,6,30,28,0,6,3,2,20,3,3,0,0,46,25,0,1,17,0,0,11,21,12,0,3,11,9,99,14,104,70,13,78,0,1,0,2,87,35,2,23,30,426,145,2,0.04862745815828195,0.0,0.2847203074038788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777472144112267,0.12138582195643348,0.1580634917944832,0.17726305260852918,0.1653416952711222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048225371905222726,0.0680028987779783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045460109153660916,0.0,0.0,0.11217454118957962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413515593351032,0.0,0.0,0.0430070350725286,0.10617717981520068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861628662145026,0.0,0.04957893444256672,0.0,0.051441402960609985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412534243552654,0.0,0.0,0.031360687662849766,0.0,0.0418827584572158,0.0,0.10093524856551818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510843265794069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423246993453321,0.1284719099882591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376251180939075,0.03473946582450218,0.0,0.0,0.0444446157959868,0.041362491068086114,0.0,0.05331749795004367,0.0751389070949264,0.08991060298982019,0.1016233594535264,0.04664788884742251,0.08290831527469393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829803807533658,0.0,0.056109557867149794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139723308445422,0.0,0.21379503428716967,0.0,0.0,0.1544683708168396,0.0,0.04972487057793181,0.03434701178198183,0.07127075936504745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268265198362322,0.0,0.13803743001634886,0.09737761775716228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317209714489024,0.0,0.0,0.07762794633785712,0.0,0.03574677689338398,0.0,0.11251348055811666,0.0,0.05171585341781781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357331182004006,0.0,0.0,0.1034860879422643,0.0,0.0,0.052658798474214966,0.046420411123661035,0.033712156718966546,0.0,0.0,0.05337834650617165,0.0,0.05482015266361488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776805288627864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534869328954744,0.03115199487342502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773410129814442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426861158769667,0.0,0.16480555938957347,0.0,0.0,0.10931860076107604,0.0,0.09913913958432677,0.041201887495446114,0.0,0.04809379951942636,0.0,0.0,0.05183040030754371,0.038833950899852414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053190546669329285,0.0,0.09166160766370393,0.0,0.0,0.11725472667674974,0.12750762531695078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031158511697124695,0.0,0.0,0.11342024761501557,0.0,0.0,0.0464656201541768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062289888219144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736346943150405,0.038598212864176897,0.03900601377151409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775743494114388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052734404064169335,0.0,0.2963012651563549,0.09911106844652703,0.31089195977138984,0.0,0.17726305260852918,0.03131448874009208
suicidewatch,83001285,2019/03/28,"I've decided that I'm going to overdose this June I'm tired of being alive, and when I made the decision, I felt like a huge weight was removed from my shoulders. June feels like it's so far away right now. Thank you for reading this. This is all I can think about, and I can't talk to my co workers, friends, family, or wife about this. I'm definitely not going to talk to another damn therapist. I refuse to be hospitalized again. Sorry if this reads like nonsense, I just needed to tell someone. ",2.5416555555555576,4.526558210000001,3.847333333333335,87.26922222222224,76.9,7.2444444444444445,25.11111111111111,8.167268648758528,1.5043777777777785,391,14,81,7,9,128,72,100,0.111,0.695,0.194,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,1,15,17,6,0,2,4,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,1,5,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,3,9,5,12,12,1,12,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,8,47,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764396770888766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604875631286652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866780888446802,0.0,0.10012617922209917,0.1414673888904065,0.1901327553101345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299177374369427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250816202042475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902315275239046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737377725002216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683125279561732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961523863310595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691102230653782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778391097844628,0.0,0.0,0.22167009443632926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183261385732755,0.1730804853508788,0.18231260990955664,0.0,0.2299195075024052,0.0,0.12688488976115636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275978546468637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411381858207817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoBasicallyYea,2019/03/28,"No one knows, except one true bro I joined reddit a couple days ago and this is my first post, so idk if i'm breaking any rules. Long story short, i was a always a nerdy guy that loved gaming, but for 3-4 years i chilled with a lot of ppl smoked weed took drugs and had ""fun"".Terribly bad with girls, only had 1 gf in my 21 years, lasted a week.I try to hide the fact that i want to die , not about the girls, not about the ""having no friends""(i only have 2-3 real friends who honestly idk why they still want me in their lives)but at the same time i dont want to die even when i do, it sounds stupid i know but im sure there are a lot of ppl feeling this way, now i just work everyday, smoke weed everynight play games and repeat, i try to get shitfaced on the weekends as much as possible. Occasionally i wake up with a good mood but it never lasts, i also dont feel the need for a relationship , although im sure it would fix my situation i just do NOTHING about it. Stuck in the same loop everyday with the years passing by so fast i dont even notice. I dont know if im an introvert but i dont like hanging out with ppl anymore, at least not for too long, i had my fair share of that back at high school. To sum it up i want to die, but also to live, im depressed all day everyday but the forced smile hides all of that, until i go home get high and play games which are the only hours im not depressed or at least i dont notice it.
Sorry if this was a shitpost idk how Reddit works yet but im starting to like it a lot.",1.8936144578313256,2.7986621927710864,3.5217301204819305,93.466643373494,76.16867469879517,6.516819277108432,21.71373493975904,6.742157984588678,0.20517503614457847,1176,28,286,10,25,392,173,332,0.16699999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.136,-0.9503,0,0,3,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,2,3,19,17,1,0,21,0,19,3,1,1,7,53,37,25,3,9,18,1,2,2,2,1,1,1,1,3,16,10,0,0,5,6,0,4,13,4,0,3,7,3,26,12,39,29,10,48,0,2,0,1,15,14,0,7,29,173,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406692617368585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559567972127947,0.060138120019722414,0.0,0.0,0.04914909445378821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167681917595622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055574579571882984,0.06034613463637401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997028806525372,0.0,0.09322206340933528,0.0,0.1244997305745192,0.0,0.22502835978525654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082305999544552,0.0,0.0838153994251666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547316586293564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308825226296088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147659781205829,0.0,0.0,0.05583904948941151,0.0,0.0755208189365437,0.0,0.041075227190964965,0.06062036735863632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156305399586206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527238182397701,0.07249715158250876,0.0,0.07117576027208224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684127553889076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191604186337486,0.11782662234872952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061927680697827,0.0,0.06381965056879248,0.1279212019333322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433542120315485,0.06523049971200061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313002600676369,0.05359057804756443,0.055742500141978936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693492699985572,0.16456984742169742,0.0,0.0,0.09795005577994817,0.16490389474980982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147856645648177,0.06921893059396933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226413034900226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759569564479117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314558715161011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812394935462552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090531321173651,0.05115621735581124,0.0,0.057718457454451186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623560002400373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042143804485171986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029955702754712,0.0981391948077557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705173382105997,0.05736808270588074,0.057974192534384385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521643636034767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523329948072556,0.0,0.0,0.051341685238464635,0.0,0.0,0.13962710032110834
suicidewatch,mashwillnotfly,2019/03/28,"every day is so painful ive tried to kill myself thrice now. ive tried ingesting all the prescribed pills, antibiotics, basically anything i have in the medicine cabinet but i still dont die. im too much of a pussy to hang myself or jump off of a high place. the only thing im good at is shoving my mouth full or stuff.

i just want this to stop but it never does, does it",1.5623508137432192,3.2362299367088596,3.150669077757687,92.57493670886076,78.74683544303798,6.53960216998192,22.678119349005428,7.447530270364453,0.6960220614828208,291,9,67,4,7,96,58,79,0.1,0.782,0.118,0.3608,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,5,0,6,4,1,0,2,9,7,5,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,8,7,3,13,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,5,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712382680908294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097472934727802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107729110501856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554467316655734,0.0,0.2380172062299351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111009915372902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034028034472526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457324615315987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438739011032098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246863881291459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929278589113215,0.0,0.1566337109956137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544573047286108,0.21609957194119464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218336296035994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218605482362886,0.16979036403230685,0.0,0.0,0.2324867640671276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492240655947094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757663584824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978635424044418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LatnokXY,2019/03/28,If I make everyone hate me and be irritated by me maybe it will be easier Maybe it will be what makes it easier for me to take the final step and commit. It will hurt tons less since the distance was built and my passing won't hurt them as much.,4.7180128205128185,4.315530673076925,5.920000000000003,83.49166666666667,69.19230769230771,10.01025641025641,25.025641025641022,9.725611199111238,1.7423641025641023,193,4,44,4,3,65,37,52,0.21,0.669,0.121,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,1,7,12,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,4,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24443875835161866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802288882856103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525607999000215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5477027959690591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34151219614013395,0.0,0.5139938758860598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880508154178948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160983624131965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233833911371293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gentlywithachainsaww,2019/03/28,"Feel like my soul is destroyed Hi everyone. I have struggled with major depression and anxiety since age 16. I’m 26 now and it still affects my life in every aspect. Two years ago I had a boyfriend die. The year before that I was in an abusive relationship. The past six months of this year I have lost a grandfather, a grandmother, and a best friend. My other friends have small kids and aren’t as available anymore. I have had to quit two jobs that I really loved. I am currently in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and it escalated to physical violence recently (only one time though). I feel as if I just overreact to small things and thats why he gets so angry with me. I dont even know anymore. Today my mom, who is usually my only lifeline, got so fed up with me constantly complaining and being upset that she flipped the fuck out, threw shit around the house and screamed at me and went batshit crazy. I am so numb and at the same time in so much pain. My whole life is imploding. I feel like Im a lost cause and I truly genuinely want to die. I want out of this hell. Life has destroyed my soul, and I dont feel like a person anymore. I feel bad about leaving my family, but I truly think they will be so more at peace without my constant bullshit and living off them because I cant support myself. I know my boyfriend wont really care. I think my plan is to have one last weekend with him this weekend up at a favorite lakehouse spot, have one last Sunday dinner with my family, and then in the middle of the night overdose on my deceased boyfriends grave so the workers will find me in the morning and I wont be too decayed and my parents wont have to find me. I have already begun my goodbye notes, and have made a list of certain things Id like at my funeral. I feel so sad for the little girl that had dreams of being a nurse, a wife, a mother, an activist, a pet adopter, and a homeowner. I feel so sad that my brain has caused this and that I made it worse with shitty life choices. I was just hospitalized for ideations and no, therapy hasnt worked and I have tried so many meds it makes my head spin. Thank you for reading my wall of text. I dont know who else or where else to vent like this without someone calling a fucking ambulance on me. If anyone here believes in prayer, please pray for my soul. 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suicidewatch,TryingAtIt,2019/03/28,"Suicidal much? I have no doubt that I’m broken and pretty fucked up. I’m used to all these awful feelings and sense of impending doom but I’ll tell you want I can’t handle. What’s freaking me out. Of the last 7 days the majority of those days I’ve woke up. Opened my eyes and immediately wanted to die. I have a plan. I want it like someone would want a good day. I believe in it. I feel like with just the right amount of tweaking if I have a little umf to get going, I’ll be gone. I go over the steps of what to do next. When I start to consider how long it would take and who would eventually find me I decide I can make it through another day to save the pain from spreading. When I accept that I must live, at least for now, I unleash, I break down it hurts and scream and cry not because I’m sad to live but because I’m sad I can’t die. ",0.6715473145780066,2.3007128043478318,2.739872122762147,94.69694373401535,81.28260869565217,5.851150895140666,20.06265984654732,6.794906146795322,0.04344411764705925,652,17,159,7,17,220,112,184,0.214,0.633,0.153,-0.9265,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,5,14,1,1,8,1,12,3,1,3,2,33,32,12,3,9,5,0,2,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,12,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,9,0,0,2,4,20,5,23,25,5,26,1,4,1,1,3,10,1,2,13,94,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010414165168612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452452646199795,0.0,0.0,0.16127983173842178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724238535121046,0.3692768873563759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971319922535591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476080721080148,0.10226562907365813,0.0,0.0,0.1308355349007087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233888542783384,0.07478941123904201,0.0,0.16270967933774114,0.12006653655745815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324389755294185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668548935030565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987067960580984,0.14347284127842855,0.2528062676614733,0.12668230445995704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555302690354599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523093949761404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224051830768234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232056153729326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563393172756905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224840990007375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128962963995905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132155427160636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658170287909653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763018539094656,0.0,0.1251184803339649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363472016516522,0.0,0.0,0.33773180721292123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050666927405582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway757587,2019/03/28,"Suicide out of guilt for terrible mistakes I don’t think I can move forward. I suffered trauma last year and the months later I really lost myself, my mind, and my soul. I became worse than anyone who ever hurt me. I brought someone I love down with me. I couldn’t stomach myself before I even hurt anyone, I’ve always hated myself. Now that I have a reason to I don’t see a way to go on. ",1.2513888888888864,3.271993691358027,3.509367283950617,87.93590277777781,81.22222222222223,5.037654320987656,20.001543209876548,5.985473137389443,0.15444320987654292,303,8,60,2,8,104,58,81,0.383,0.5710000000000001,0.046,-0.9829,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,1,3,0,5,2,1,1,1,10,12,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,9,0,0,2,1,18,1,9,9,0,14,1,4,1,1,2,4,0,0,7,42,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551137452503732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29497552623139883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794866277924109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393178450321139,0.190799040722651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987686979323907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825055709984586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516117007502796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193680511866669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23025595284788475,0.0,0.19037333826953115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21298004101704895,0.0,0.16836300167168372,0.22418612496554235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351277114075338,0.21687205664862472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808458772429094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872103489846894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307241275926626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351559793716164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674271002531021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495656873261054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583255950505366
suicidewatch,Thisbih,2019/03/28,"Another year of failing under my belt After doing shit at school and college and being unemployed for a good while I'm now dropping out of uni in my final year because I'm too behind with work and not capable of getting it done.

The only person i'm attracted to is my ex who I haven't seen in half a year and once told me I'm a negative person and all I'm good for is taking drugs (I wasn't even taking drugs much wtf man).

Been taking antidepressants but they aren't helping anymore so that's fun 

Fuck it man, things are shit right?",3.442767857142858,4.3977534553571465,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,72.48214285714286,7.742857142857144,25.607142857142854,8.07648339933343,1.4677642857142863,425,13,87,6,8,144,76,112,0.192,0.72,0.08800000000000001,-0.91,2,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,4,8,3,0,4,0,10,5,2,0,1,10,22,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,1,7,4,14,16,2,14,0,1,1,1,9,6,3,0,7,56,12,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726576511813782,0.0,0.0,0.16329590600356708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003736288715934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850169831276154,0.0,0.0,0.3819006407799581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087546664169401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803741443190469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222312233697546,0.08602670076709444,0.0,0.0,0.2762136468638997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103663911272066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104214211109784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535476786661902,0.0,0.12522938009001394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875449986463933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406165285098113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666420896100779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380369304513197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714056414700209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939106676361424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733721154096847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987255557661633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181019207006706
suicidewatch,KelanHaley,2019/03/28,"wish i did it right the first time my only regret in life was my failed attempt 2 years ago. nothing’s better. in fact, everything is worse now. i’ve made a lot of new friends and shared some good times, not to mention my girlfriend who i love to bits. but i can’t help but regret not trying harder 2 years ago. i know a lot of people look back on failed attempts as a blessing because of all they would have missed out on. but my only regret was not succeeding. i don’t want this life. i never did. i want tonight to be my last sleep, tomorrow to be my last day and tomorrow night to be the end of it all but i don’t think i’m going to be able too. i wish i did it right the first time.",0.6767305848513914,2.3735514429530227,2.4197746883988493,96.67008389261746,81.5503355704698,5.330968360498561,19.367689357622247,6.18269132825596,-0.23162166826462105,531,13,127,4,14,175,85,149,0.16899999999999998,0.684,0.147,-0.52,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,8,3,13,0,0,6,0,15,4,1,1,4,28,27,7,0,8,7,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,6,1,17,7,16,16,6,29,1,6,1,1,8,7,0,3,21,79,22,3,0.14407776882609474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554324978184145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078691083734896,0.0,0.08782847059488544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127425078170988,0.1572956077431301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291824163640533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276101386324822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294878084327301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24510495312262776,0.0,0.0,0.1113141267946824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818827162973552,0.12084559676788628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657229141510876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918137378764993,0.2348852227938213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035327780154064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209890389005998,0.0,0.0,0.24497953357235075,0.13003581153721128,0.13632986851796142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112165743139046,0.13915120693764654,0.0,0.1352072259475618,0.0,0.13824650498755142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21915527117031933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988538382109724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24608325469986125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441818200676542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923192166584368,0.0,0.0,0.2520387169356622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781934751978606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996160195980511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33136464739059623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682755534193948,0.10234871318092267,0.0,0.0,0.1855627186976017
suicidewatch,Natoussesse,2019/03/28,"I feel like my feeling are an insult to whoever is really struggling with suicidal thoughts. Seems so unreal, why? Why would i have those thought ? Oh right, for attention, for sure. If i tell people how i feel i would be an horrible person for sure, playing with other's feeling is awful. I feel so miserable.

May i ask a question ? How does it feel to be happy ? I'm really curious, its been 17 years and im still not able to know what happiness is. At the moment, i'm laughing at myself for writing such a stupid thing. why, why do i have to fake this, why do i have to feel miserable every fucking time. Am i really this retarded ? What have i done bad ? I don't know, so i must be faking for attention, right ? And there i am losing to my feeling and really seeking attention.

If only i could never wake up. That would probably be better for everyone. Even if it would change nothing.",1.1998666666666686,3.697738320000002,3.5731428571428587,84.28752380952379,85.8,7.447619047619049,23.190476190476193,8.418075326091056,1.969076190476191,686,26,132,18,21,236,99,175,0.226,0.629,0.145,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,9,18,3,3,5,1,26,2,1,2,4,39,43,11,1,9,4,0,8,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,17,1,0,0,3,10,0,0,4,8,18,8,17,28,0,10,0,3,0,1,6,5,1,6,6,94,29,0,0.10507978322445988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982354125868163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773722980694648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293452904402673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111604775694483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389765648495033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195602641988802,0.10753310116011412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940420578871744,0.0,0.08853424942049581,0.1004082359661527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250519655400273,0.0750690181314876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714456635794448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371876638613394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350419766374995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549820157284715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051336674298601864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755739906058002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104400678585727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082688602129478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991791021858187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284909090924159,0.09175161359541532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329377891956993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771340584952568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692671994208665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947512145501526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956606881268936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391685062014317,0.0,0.0,0.10985220469317783,0.0,0.114940227708606,0.0,0.1980729042417996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184436211710488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981033880424478,0.0,0.0,0.1668432207090698,0.06127286662741473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740908012266461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985826524655596,0.0,0.0,0.06766793522053019
suicidewatch,mymindisweird,2019/03/28,"Adolescence social isolation ruined my brain I was completely normal child until 11. Then I started having zero friends and zero social interaction with peers. I thought I wanted to be a loner. I didn't know this would break me. Humans are social animals. Brains evolved with constant socialize.

Eversince 13, I gradually lost interest in things and joy in life, further and further and further as the ages passed. Now at 22, I've realized most people with zero interaction in childhood grow up to be depressed for life.

This life is hell. Loving in my head is a nightmare. I know I need to end it because the damage I've done toy developing brain is incurable. The things I felt as a child compared to the progressive nothingness I felt as adult is obvious. My sleep is fucked forever too.
Im so scared but I know If never want to live this life.

Please don't tell me not to, I just want to know if anyone with zero interaction is going through it.",3.4610490378646794,6.090124307262576,4.702858472998142,79.05759000620735,76.87709497206706,7.776660459342023,27.821539416511484,8.680891452615391,2.5509513345747985,757,32,131,17,18,249,108,179,0.124,0.809,0.067,-0.73,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,2,1,7,0,15,11,5,0,2,30,31,13,0,8,5,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,7,8,0,0,8,1,0,3,5,7,0,4,7,2,17,4,23,21,1,22,1,4,0,2,14,9,2,3,9,89,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362316883723797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290362194986763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005206296134261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539242850299825,0.1292390344405667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300646133547477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238656955821993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592512018960784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296587129069729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239831870636868,0.11056307406281324,0.0,0.0,0.06796824028401419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273833338587435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291824492426806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629037668986643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378921801174027,0.0,0.0,0.10560402562193608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055138957984636,0.0,0.10793859417159364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867771488546464,0.09223855600523856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717709679262107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291168240876502,0.0,0.0,0.1312787120064262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973483439968705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968074624389753,0.4876456243376117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464951531724813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045307564973742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589063794082722,0.0,0.0,0.0949445762111151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161958573362213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495641381727459,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eon6_6,2019/03/28,"My choice I haven't done anything for myself. I'm always working for others, to improve the better of the group. But no one cares. I don't know how to care for myself anymore. But this is something I have control of. It's my choice. My decision. And no one can take that from me",-0.18310344827586172,2.1169447413793137,1.6823275862068994,95.91418103448281,92.9655172413793,3.589655172413793,19.318965517241374,5.148860815047168,-0.3572827586206899,217,7,46,1,8,71,41,58,0.07200000000000001,0.733,0.195,0.8225,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,7,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,9,3,8,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,37,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22709306511174335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706654042193189,0.0,0.0,0.22459164824757796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24137743416592986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565245762348243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306105361837525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792940827583827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499908582590761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698781802231227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010877983526305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052034667985343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869055204138975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway389238,2019/03/28,It’s 6 am I’m in a school parking lot right now. I’m gonna take the pills I know it’s a stupid method but I can’t do much else right now. I just want to stop everything. I feel so alone. My family doesn’t care about me.,-3.76132075471698,-2.6343508113207506,-0.6097924528301863,108.87436792452831,113.71698113207547,3.629433962264152,9.073584905660377,5.6839178017228535,-1.8541230188679243,169,2,50,2,10,58,41,53,0.154,0.7240000000000001,0.122,-0.1216,0,1,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,12,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,11,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004740634464829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295793957548632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423558057013429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607387531272801,0.0,0.2734968029253258,0.0,0.14669204123445084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944089966602928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24664738286362026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132696219833207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.495517236507081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936142308604556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425510820059752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813212978909455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111872040655066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wybble,2019/03/28,Stuck inside my head Everything will be fine until the moment that its just really...not. I can act happy and fun and like I want to be around people so well I convince myself I actually like company and then the minute I'm alone I just don't want to exist. Everything I do and say around people I later regret and second guess. I am tired of failing to help and actively hurting all the people I care about and I don't even know how to explain that im trying bc nothing I do ever comes out the way I think and I am tired of trying to talk to people. its getting so much easier to slip into this spot. i am tired of having to explain everything to everyone. i dont want to explain my existence bc i dont even want to exist. maybe one of these times when im pretending to be happy ill be impulsive enough to fucking off myself and make it seem like an accident. all i can do now is plan.,1.6904269449715343,3.52861743548387,4.093187855787477,85.20389943074007,78.94623655913979,7.1721695129664775,21.693864642631244,8.124751697461798,1.187375458570525,697,20,143,13,17,243,99,186,0.135,0.654,0.211,0.8885,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,14,14,1,0,5,0,19,6,1,2,3,33,37,15,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,14,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,4,1,2,1,1,21,10,24,31,4,16,0,3,0,1,6,5,1,2,11,103,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.1122455232063122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912878596013055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478910589817848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727326695998523,0.0,0.0,0.09908183613839604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696113999851817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188491544963474,0.0,0.15194276325528375,0.10404458045979126,0.0,0.10990908009760644,0.3101248482800586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633659502276058,0.06009459207100173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671042692905934,0.0,0.0,0.24488751921067586,0.0,0.0,0.11804643242469375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709726391919278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313413567838084,0.0,0.2484884199468454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321344541935164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685827838664088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677851821248811,0.0,0.11555572130909175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455488922282338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036734372509402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794233071510763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189689168717477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147063530414823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047123090288642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924508565212768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370187563360536,0.0,0.0,0.06707063759423719,0.3966048788606917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618567068516914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713733782312186,0.09129963304561516,0.0,0.0,0.1034191843284693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mary-goore,2019/03/28,I have plenty of reasons not to die but no reasons to live. The only reason I’ve been alive for the past 8 years is because I can’t do this to my family. I just wish I had a reason to live. It’s so hard to make it through the day when your brain is constantly telling you you need to die. ,2.8539230769230777,2.5508522000000013,4.544423076923079,91.42432692307692,73.15384615384616,7.730769230769233,25.48076923076923,7.1686216300943375,0.8173846153846145,223,6,56,2,4,76,47,65,0.075,0.732,0.194,0.8459,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,5,0,10,10,3,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,8,0,9,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104207093998914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083226951938967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847318946586504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102460269982494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548299150216385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611526735455193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313403740575893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018968970352727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141077813906774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675429181053588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001213495190286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318729847468927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7030438297382376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494143374054853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657946178878186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008361832467724
suicidewatch,AlligatorBloodd,2019/03/28,"Killing myself as a statement against the current mental health care I’ve been fucked up since I was just a kid, depression, anxiety, ptsd whatever. I’m 22 now.!Never getting the help I really need. I’m on a fucking waiting list for a year now again. Not the first time. Waiting waiting waiting until it’s too late and even when I said I’m gonna KILL MYSELF ‘yeah sorry we don’t have enough beds, figure it out.’ I live in a fucking wealthy country but it’s all about making money now in health care.  I often fantasize about a public suicide with a note saying it’s their fault and something needs to change. Maybe my death will then help others who are in the same situation. I’m a lost cause already. I don’t know. Maybe I should just finally do it.",1.4510666666666658,4.011330373333333,2.764000000000003,90.08866666666668,85.26666666666667,5.466666666666668,23.66666666666667,6.937597516519254,0.9884666666666666,596,23,117,8,18,192,102,150,0.197,0.713,0.09,-0.9474,1,0,1,0,0,3,17.0,1,0,1,2,11,10,5,0,12,1,9,5,0,2,1,23,30,7,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,7,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,3,8,0,1,4,2,12,2,13,23,3,17,0,2,0,3,9,5,3,1,12,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334946083357456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630654673494126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28336469845191264,0.1427535917863568,0.14700474911136407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196888895858734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358623963555736,0.0,0.09178395129572604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222750639239613,0.0,0.11820211487507483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854080042808357,0.07260259052304076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954229865755335,0.0,0.0,0.18628834608473796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074846121520218,0.0,0.07637059733942997,0.0,0.15675665904066546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270714282012372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516948611778321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927590840813271,0.0,0.27921463238776106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004232530050334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060790573338264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244066524281908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902345051111804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321859238012604,0.11050919643523208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495188057231252,0.15620057534582446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698074008325004,0.0,0.15555804105317328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520032992531029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103061972066228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948781129303175
suicidewatch,catsloveme007,2019/03/28,"been chronically ill forever, ""been pulling through, manning up"", SICK of it no fun, nothing, not even leaving my house, always alone, ALWAYS ALONE, always pain, pain, pain, pain, despair, alone, alone, alone, doctor, hospital (""we cant help u, try this drug) then zone out feeling disgusting on shit pills, without them i'm in pain, christmas alone, birthdays alone, nobody visits me, i'm still young, family is non existent, got one social worker who i barely understand, summers coming ""yeaaah"", then i can boil inside my house while everybody has fun outside. Go to social institutions for help or at least some group activity, try to find someone online to visit me, nothing, zilch. Fuck this stupid shitty life. ""everybody has its problems"", someone told me today. I'm bored to shit, cant do anything with my disease always fucking me up afterwards ""you had fun hahaha fuck you more PAIN"" REALLY? ALL YOUNG PEOPLE ARE CHRONICALLY ILL? told him to fuck off cause i'm ready to end this terrible movie. Not tonight, dont worry. BUt i'm on the brink of doing it. I've put it off long enough to prove myself i'm not a pussy. Stupid shit life with its diseases. What is the point? That i'm ""a tough dude""? well, i've proven that and beyond. People like me should get fucking medals. I'm not joking.",3.669836274331456,6.1997904351464435,4.163027105694017,83.72380935055486,75.61087866108788,6.8343460069128605,25.035655812261233,7.893859768569023,1.5944344551573586,1010,35,180,16,23,318,148,239,0.315,0.593,0.091,-0.9963,0,7,1,0,0,0,63.0,1,2,1,2,4,28,11,0,4,0,15,25,3,1,2,22,36,6,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,16,0,0,1,12,6,1,0,4,1,0,6,9,22,1,1,6,1,16,6,24,29,5,30,0,1,0,5,16,12,8,2,13,91,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323570134348101,0.0,0.0,0.24439750008862546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042636897067175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543250717913516,0.0,0.06325316630731627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515838764960661,0.0,0.0,0.08605903658159206,0.0,0.08515511493260212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503690026066294,0.07587248710592058,0.0,0.0484996102613366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922296602112431,0.0,0.03712825187471855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711339605730769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394227737227973,0.03836397643184549,0.0,0.04173177860295585,0.0,0.05872842199946274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843673162673587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694559807659977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775142735357475,0.0,0.0,0.1037311073039946,0.035874031945195416,0.0,0.0,0.06498295496805036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409155142782989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975785067422709,0.0,0.4688061319984025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181378712830848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941478095802024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026228563824352,0.0,0.07381710852477555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704093246102888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261235299730621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497046204706854,0.12443345697861545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058641036277046026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960274951753663,0.14033040954928325,0.0,0.0997078635974162,0.0,0.0,0.07644288518197367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602209971723241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078358993979746,0.0,0.0,0.07457140309938813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2headedman,2019/03/28,"Rambling to get it all off my chest I hate life and I hate living. I think too much and ruin everything for myself.

There are moments when I feel alright and then it always always all comes rushing back to me. The cycle is inevitable.

I don't believe in a consciousness after death, so I fully believe that I'll be in a better place if I kill myself. I know I won't be able to regret my decision or think about how I actually had it okay when I'm dead. I know I'll be free.

So why is it so hard for me to pull the trigger?",-0.1611912865895171,1.921185964601776,2.5238938053097364,92.44947583390065,87.58407079646021,4.8928522804629,19.311776718856365,6.297961479604792,0.0362299523485361,406,12,90,4,13,141,71,113,0.236,0.6809999999999999,0.083,-0.9669,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,3,0,4,2,9,2,1,2,2,18,19,12,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,1,3,2,5,0,0,1,2,17,5,11,14,3,13,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,2,6,64,22,0,0.19705933800821632,0.0,0.1923014877447672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32793831063453793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515264671813076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440367854671029,0.0,0.1742829706110235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974917086782576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771042265423188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996391222675644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295537078505633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652646045674686,0.3891105979247091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180169607361606,0.0,0.2165973172448156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918883817218386,0.0,0.0,0.17400700575568925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486128737407425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588506627649425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525353337766809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778154019331114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NiceWorkCaesarino,2019/03/28,"I was a “gifted” child. Now I’m just a suicidal, nervous wreck of an adult. I was, am, smart. All A’s. A full ride to college. Prestigious internships in DC. And for what? Why does it matter? I’m in a job that emotionally ravages me, a long distance relationship that has me missing and craving physical contact, no plans for the future, constantly feeling this “what next” emotion that I don’t know how to deal with...

My whole life I had a plan up until I graduated college. Now, because there’s no set life script, I realize I was never gifted — I was good at playing the game. I was good at nodding at the right moments and following orders. Now I’m free to do my own thing and that’s terrifying. I’m terrified. I constantly think about killing myself out of shame or anxiety or fear but also realize I’m too much of a pussy to do so. 

I always told myself I would die before I was 40 because it just seemed like a logical conclusion. Now I’m thinking the bar isn’t even going to be 30. I don’t sleep. I don’t eat except in binges (6k calories in one sitting, then nothing for like two or three days). I’m developing an alcohol problem. 

I just want someone to tell me what to do, even if that what to do for me is literally just to die. ",2.5315476190476223,4.156354456349206,4.6828571428571415,82.86214285714286,75.86507936507937,7.974603174603175,28.66666666666667,8.704169506293173,2.2724714285714294,961,42,197,20,21,333,142,252,0.165,0.7709999999999999,0.064,-0.9711,1,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,3,16,13,1,3,15,0,20,6,1,1,2,32,37,14,4,4,10,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,13,6,3,0,9,3,1,3,7,6,0,3,8,1,24,8,29,27,5,31,0,1,0,0,8,11,0,5,16,137,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670403060099996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977787263969516,0.1142228653568008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050141428469186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673617668446994,0.0,0.11680996160595945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966885947607638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885302965373343,0.1415233431190315,0.0,0.0,0.2849372304154017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012929789739428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046545021273787,0.0,0.308829278005312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133620681812507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447127997236024,0.06940979859910998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801590976563505,0.23027763609552496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622314468842586,0.0,0.15187320995513298,0.0,0.07544213470035857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939212029353728,0.1341301680809569,0.0,0.0,0.12148306448488293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091209710219848,0.0,0.10587407930744457,0.0,0.14599232924934785,0.0,0.0,0.13171799063621925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302033410235457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135256439542753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738077434072722,0.0,0.1172311438947603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496898516028032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737301805419547,0.0,0.1163117134765746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150155344813977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998342214769313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119866650435632,0.1759191194953398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117107556010146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340966345729527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096769136215884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386832556447355,0.1532613852447028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751542612674216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kirelred,2019/03/28,"I'm done My life....   

I married young. I had 3 kids. When they were little, my wife left me (for my dad).  Yea, you read that correctly.  I didn't kill myself then.  I heldI fur dear life and somehow made it through.   

That was 20 years ago.

Life hasnt gotten easier.   In some ways its gotten harder.  I've had girlfriends snd lovers. And every one has hurt me.   Maybe I'm the problem.  

Tonight.  I spent it in the company of a beautiful young woman who will never... Can never give me what i truly want.   I know that she loves me. But she loves me as a big brothrr.  She's sleeping in another bed in the same room.   And it's not sex that i want.  But somebody to hold who will hold me back. 

This isn't about her.  She is just an example.    She is the Canary bird in the mine.   And the tune she whistles is no different than anybody elses.   

I'm tired...I'm done.

Is today..tonight the end?   Probably not.   But I'm ready fur it all to end. 

I've been",-1.2332873295643478,0.7782144175257741,0.96198536747589,99.31193049551052,100.70103092783505,4.152710342534086,16.051878949118723,6.0311780096671335,-0.5247856335217826,703,19,164,8,31,232,119,194,0.065,0.799,0.136,0.93,1,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,1,1,0,5,7,1,0,10,1,18,8,1,1,4,24,32,10,1,3,6,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,2,2,13,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,8,3,0,1,12,0,28,4,13,18,3,22,0,1,0,4,20,9,0,2,12,103,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382511117668087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013359806554876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476047413066516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951704189304506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33207680074357065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355393154283941,0.0,0.2874112344019097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670288490990068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564528282660706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369231378551686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950592986124472,0.0,0.08916852777462114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628543776055053,0.0,0.3438065791492353,0.0,0.16261743641976475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928744809062591,0.15352516742201733,0.0,0.0,0.16300224543545866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25027488468704323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994500988014748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493327748328208,0.15525163535047373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229421834986354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623674863456752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379432350269745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913988745082341,0.12878674482989685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448388077034143
suicidewatch,rylokohen,2019/03/28,"What are reasons to not kill oneself? I mean, I have reasons to do it, but what about for not doing it?, right now I only have my mom, dad, sister and partner",-0.3204545454545453,1.815958090909092,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,89.30303030303033,3.3000000000000003,20.37121212121212,3.1291,-0.499842424242424,119,4,26,0,4,40,25,33,0.0,0.914,0.086,0.4076,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,6,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624268305300824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568386240886021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836663068271153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249144916481694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6736286436181619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27975777909577265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blehmenbuddy,2019/03/28,"I dont have anything holding me together anymore This world is fucking putrid and I am just so tired of it. I’m so tired of working minumum wage jobs with people that are just as lonely as me, but way fucking sicker in the head. I’m tired of working with addicts and ex addicts that always make m wish I was back in my old ways living in a doped up state of bliss. I hate that I HAVE to talk to people but I have nobody that I can really talk to. Everyone has these childhood friends and people they love and I don’t even love my parents. I am so confused on what love is to me. It feels so alien to me and I don’t understand it. Maybe it’s just been a while. I can’t stop saying I want to die to the people that I do talk to (but never really see other then through snapchat). I just want to be heard. I recently went to a psychiatrist and I went to him specifically because I didn’t think he was gonna medicate me right away. I told him that I felt unheard and that it was all in my head and he instantly asked about my drug use and gave me pills. I took them for 2 days and it fucking destroyed me. I didn’t want to be medicated. I just want to be me. There is no future for me because I don’t want to belong to this disgusting society. I’ve been wanting to be an artist forever but at this point I fucking hate art. I have yet to see anything that strikes my heart and makes me recognize beauty. I’ve been listening to classical piano non stop just to keep my head from splitting. I used to love finding new music, but everything just feels the same. I’m so tired of so many artists using sadness almost as a fucking marketing scheme too. It makes me sick. Lyricism is just fucking gross now too. It all feels like people are saying the same thing over and over again. I’ve wanted to be a musician for so long, but I can’t bring myself to add onto the shit pile that is modern music. It just disgusts me. I want to have talent. I’ve been playing guitar for fucking 11 years and still suck ass at it. I’m so angry at the world that I have thought about killing people so at this point I almost feel like it’s safer to just kill myself. I’m afraid to hurt my brother though. He’s got friends and he acts tough and calloused but I’ve never been able to talk to him so I have no idea how he feels about life in general and if I leave I know I’ll hurt him. I think? I dunno. I can’t tell who cares anymore but I can’t help but thinking that I don’t want to be alive anymore. Sorry if theres spelling errors but I’m not reading this over because then I’m going to second guess and delete everything and just stew in sadness tonight, but I just can’t take it anymore. I want to see the world in the beautiful light I used to. I want to love life and not hate humanity but I don’t know how. I’m just so sick of everything. 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suicidewatch,BananaHoe123,2019/03/28,"Numb? I’m posting this so express myself and also to figure out what the hell is going on. 

All my life I’ve had depression. All my life I’ve wanted to kill myself. At least, that’s what I tell myself. I can’t tell if I was born this way, but as far back as I remember, I’ve had the urge to completely disappear. I wouldn’t mind getting in an accident and dying, I wouldn’t mind shooting myself in the head. I wouldn’t mind a sure fire way to die, I wouldn’t mind a slow burn, because I deserve this. 

I deserve to suffer. Living is suffering. But I do not deserve to live. I’m so numb right now, I find humor in my suicidal thoughts. 

I can’t tell if I’ve convinced myself I have depression and suicidal thoughts and created some self-fulfilling prophecy or something of that nature. I’m not sure if I’ve always been depressed and that’s why I want to die. I can’t tell what I want. 

I’ve lived with suicidal thoughts all my life, from as far back as I remember the urge to “erase myself” with those thoughts becoming more and more prevalent, graphic, and mature as I matured. It was no long “I want to erase myself,” but instead “I want to put a bullet through my brain” or “I want to go to bed and never wake up” or “maybe I should just ski off this cliff and die.” But nothing is surefire and we don’t have a gun, and if I ever fail the attempt I’ll never get a second. I can’t not succeed. I can’t risk not succeeding. I can’t.  

I’ve grown so accustomed to these thoughts it’s my brain defaulting to them. It’s become woven into my identity, it’s now who I am. I’m afraid to not be suicidal. I’m afraid to lose that part of me that defines me. Everything I’ve done in life has been based upon the ideal of “I want to die.”

Normally I cry when I think this way. Not anymore. Not now. I’m impassive. I just want release. I’m at my wits end. I’m pathetic. I don’t even know what I’m doing. 

I’m a sophomore in high school. I’m 15 years old. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m barely a person. It’s been a downward spiral. And I can’t tell anyone. I haven’t told my parents, like 2 or 3 of my friends know I have depression, I doubt anyone knows the severity of my suicidal thoughts. Telling my parents screws up my college, my chances of succeeding, screws up my insurance, my job. I can’t take it. If I was to be professionally diagnosed it would close so many doors that would never be opened again. I can’t do that. 

 But I can’t keep living like this. Last week, I’ve probably gotten about three, four hours of sleep in total. I’m typing this at 4:21 AM right now, I have a math quiz second hour that I’m not prepared for. I have track after school. I can’t take a nap at home because my parents would get pissed, I can’t take a nap at school because I don’t want to miss anything. I’m slowly collapsing. 

What am I going to do junior year next year? College? After? I can’t form safe emotional connections, I can’t treat my partner fairly, I can’t put the pressure on anyone else to help me. But I can’t do this. I’m always tired. I’m always a hairsbreadth from taking a nap on the train tracks near my house. I’m always a second away from breaking down. 

I just want release. I’m just tired. It’s more than physical, although I do physically yearn for it. I mentally, emotionally, spiritually yearn for it. 

I deserve to suffer, I want to end it. If I do, my religion states I go to Hell. So what? Eternal damnation; charred by the fires of Hell, flesh knit back onto my bones just to melt off, pain searing through every cell in my body, rewriting my existence so all I am is that pain. So what. I deserve it. I don’t know if I’m depressed, I probably am. I always ruin my own mood anyway, I always feel guilty if I’m happy. I cannot be happy. I don’t know. 

I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to alleviate it all. I want to so badly. 

I’m sorry for wasting your time. I’m sorry for the text dump. I’m the worst. ",0.12736344994718252,2.2272364073199533,2.5709831603802904,92.50991288137699,86.3435655253837,5.597012365624807,21.194419934132853,6.972515709468527,0.5267353482880757,3075,104,690,43,95,1054,300,847,0.256,0.6559999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9995,4,0,1,2,0,4,118.0,1,1,1,7,30,50,8,5,27,0,74,22,9,1,12,117,145,47,11,32,31,3,4,3,2,8,11,0,3,2,43,19,0,2,22,4,0,8,44,33,0,5,17,4,111,16,85,116,15,81,3,14,0,2,20,36,6,14,34,432,154,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037794935820410235,0.23595169563283866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374124663130376,0.09913883896818146,0.048424903891864164,0.038892116911712266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04440365434423086,0.10902333062429873,0.03946130670438426,0.08643035820315165,0.1043930375751554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052496776797128164,0.0,0.1055187369582415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955269354989341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191444421836952,0.0,0.0,0.20353093377139908,0.047969340516959884,0.24524943136175936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04836483548762417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039480847069840966,0.10632545941187962,0.08371917001138167,0.0,0.0,0.03121571831284262,0.04275065486539769,0.039819779789172616,0.0,0.042475511604144436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779358208135608,0.03376356371179932,0.0,0.0,0.043196076320086776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03651405133502613,0.0,0.07407641475080287,0.0,0.1074390032038894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062130836949176,0.0,0.0,0.048503845835870835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031678329676668115,0.04993427888081819,0.047407051852286,0.0,0.09308594570103287,0.05453332648978778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046899660987708224,0.04200811642703321,0.052287752395543965,0.0,0.23376273501508826,0.038524360428897314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352853799990558,0.06926861906186436,0.0,0.16693077825360936,0.0418248642924846,0.0,0.052873433431926735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791565597549068,0.047480442879157855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762838945962385,0.0,0.19088222230578933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935274849796003,0.0,0.050263050117224636,0.0,0.04630615131831595,0.04534860152399403,0.0,0.04959290392449004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057895366540448,0.0,0.1574346222057759,0.05117950593290204,0.0,0.0,0.04126684387776485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526337049385264,0.0,0.10191159596629733,0.0,0.0,0.0950215498211892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707593833899227,0.08072197890367219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434932228578306,0.0,0.0,0.0493039622895333,0.053391945562424575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047295545777746924,0.0,0.0,0.03638414559619934,0.0,0.1058105675831714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584815812090958,0.0,0.0890866470403987,0.0,0.17767350842493607,0.0,0.24785135458776414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030283205854843887,0.0,0.22512170210188054,0.027558510656895727,0.1086400862603232,0.0,0.0451603065634155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345120787978945,0.11254173214275986,0.03791025566630772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264607522735065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007194578471222,0.0,0.0,0.09130440355816888
suicidewatch,Xyoyogod,2019/03/28,"My last cry for help I have the belt tight around my neck and my hands are shaking too much to write this. I have a note written. I’ve just had the belt wrapped around my neck just tight enough to where I can feel my self starting slip. All I have to do is let go. My heart is racing and I don’t know if I’ll be here in the morning. It’s currently 4:13 Am Thursday March 28th, exactly 9 months from my 18th birthday. I’m surprised I’ve made it this far. My very few semi good freinds are all asleep and I’m here alone. Nobody knows about my depression besides my ex from years ago. I almost can’t even believe the situation I’m in right now. I’ve been in bed for hours sobbing as my body just gets weaker and the belt around my neck gets tighter. My heart won’t calm down. I could end it all right now. I’m not sure if this is he appropriate place to post but this may be the last decision I’ll be here to make. ",0.30732898235436323,2.326104035532996,1.6056272661348814,100.25952622673435,84.78680203045685,4.970655064056079,19.025622431713806,6.18269132825596,-0.3876722745951171,713,19,176,6,21,226,114,197,0.068,0.894,0.038,-0.5345,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,1,7,0,22,8,8,2,5,31,36,8,0,3,7,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,4,20,4,18,25,6,28,0,2,0,0,5,12,1,4,13,99,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367608761638328,0.0,0.15100553122317875,0.15618447355191994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027348860658239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990121355873086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675060405653278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040241771643162,0.0,0.1656479412588311,0.0,0.0,0.12988477742304386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356502573686801,0.1558178611281676,0.0,0.09960271271879123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624957366258632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575747146297285,0.0,0.08570374757728741,0.12648481864732805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574000893274546,0.10107880711167926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485087194678217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575269553286134,0.24584606806218995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420435485408265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269165908319456,0.10066091373689692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036800945429925,0.0,0.1108561692547371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755506642180056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442578071729367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575666526157419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731844907769174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950676902710904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673780375913966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212826408986698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442671117213393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711097238922524
suicidewatch,Themachopop,2019/03/28,"3 weeks ago today I was in psych ward. 3 weeks ago today I woke up in a psych ward on a 72 hour hold for putting a gun to my head on 2 separate occasions. I broke down and told a social worker at my place of employment who's a friend and the cops were called without me knowing and they braught me in. When asked why I didnt shoot myself, I responded with because I'm a pussy. Just posting this to let you all know shit can get better. I deal with suicidal thoughts everyday all day. But there is resources that can help you get out of the rut a little. I'm on wellbutrin and hydroxyzine. So far it doesn't seem to be doing much. But I have hope I guess.",2.1694767822105945,3.4313106043165504,3.515160235448008,92.36736429038591,76.05035971223022,7.068933943754089,24.14715500327011,7.686295010490155,0.9292388489208632,510,16,118,7,11,167,98,139,0.099,0.7979999999999999,0.102,-0.1441,1,0,0,2,0,0,11.0,0,2,1,2,4,5,1,0,9,0,11,2,2,0,2,20,24,8,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,0,16,3,19,16,3,25,0,1,0,0,12,13,1,3,10,72,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020800746991501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929120935944288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386787579737017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069569244787812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398676049958808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988715067255424,0.17566412332580755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164252796491346,0.0,0.1780429933835518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877032768331552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486881483702954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420851009053185,0.0,0.0,0.16923524905547274,0.16779936438241666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872832588871176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423483834645997,0.0,0.0,0.17077507167966466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525590958883062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780207929577898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318606942164912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712885392370329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551162284417828,0.0,0.0,0.17490240365803242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369066785412998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863784901353461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527025387451214,0.0,0.0,0.3230187020326991,0.16281449749663154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27335240595018245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537500481444808,0.0,0.0,0.1642494262515264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,podge36,2019/03/28,"Thoughts in the past 6 months or so go immediately to killing myself in moments of anger, frustration and depression I think I’ve been depressed for a long time but the past 6 months my mental health has suffered significantly. Especially during moments of rage,  I’ve started to have fairly frequent suicidal thoughts, often singing songs in my head to the tune of regular music and changing the lyrics to something related to suicide, saying out loud that i  want to kill my self and occasionally fantasising about the comfort death would bring me- shortly followed by anxiety that I feel this way. 

Does anyone else feel like this or relate to it? I’m sure this is fairly minor compared to what a lot of people experience on here  but my thoughts and depression seem to be getting worse quite suddenly and I’m concerned that this will develop into further issues or even suicide itself. I’ve often pondered over the past few months that if my life gets to a certain point of misery, I won’t be able to stop myself, and that my death will come by Suicide whether it’s soon or in the distant future.",11.845441176470587,8.662378838235298,10.724607843137257,63.590735294117664,57.18627450980392,13.141176470588233,46.08823529411765,10.9516,5.093305882352942,889,42,149,15,8,283,127,204,0.316,0.631,0.052000000000000005,-0.9975,1,0,1,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,13,5,0,10,0,10,3,1,0,2,33,27,15,8,3,8,0,2,1,0,4,2,3,0,1,13,9,0,1,8,2,0,4,1,9,0,0,4,5,13,4,28,17,2,32,0,4,0,0,2,11,0,9,17,96,26,0,0.11275660001208156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625849038085626,0.0,0.0,0.07884203644998293,0.1155324616708886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928153182117185,0.09712982675871908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29135128309962405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986740605238912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419367069919908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447467087515809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029759110700993,0.0,0.0,0.1140262498457212,0.08055333757846507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782133929854285,0.0,0.06408217426373293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572080189228676,0.11985499307651633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768859532823242,0.0,0.0,0.2494969432664184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964332119735887,0.05508717921003983,0.0,0.0,0.0997860427674166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586162911609752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363213217682072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700037271067905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32291680016029595,0.07817122906840053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659143316541116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993052359708765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966857404814456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264937380926983,0.11762972511331014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868055394783585,0.0,0.0,0.0798097018435866,0.0,0.0,0.09426956651642804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493349677105921,0.0,0.1062717610918384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224987637578348,0.0,0.26854843612545043,0.0657492802316022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665067641098958,0.08950094070187244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114908608478148,0.08009905350368247,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lemonboys_,2019/03/28,"Tonights hard and any people i know are asleep. Help 2 months ago i made the mistake of saying some fucked stuff in regular conversation to my best friend. She couldn't take it and ended all contact. I had only recently begun saying sutch hurtful things as never realized what i was doing. I tried and tried to patch things up. All i got was coldness. Instead of beind a normal person and just changing what i say. I stoped talking to everyone. Other then just small talk, i became this reclusive, stereotypical high school loner. I spend 100% of any free time away from school playing world of warcraft and sleeping. I have a mentality abusive mother who seems to want me gone. and i dont have a real freind that doesn't live 300+ miles away. I never leave. I never eat. I never do anything that has some semblance of effort in it all cause ive lost everything and im scared of my family. It would be better for my freinds and family if i just never existed in the first place. Maybe my mom would get better. Maybe my freinds would find better people. Maybe anyone who has any interest in me would give up finnaly. I want this all over. I need it to be. I feel just numb and i just want it to stop


When will it. I know. When i want it to. Just with a simple jump and a rope. No one will have to deal with me. Maybe thats what needs to happen. Perhaps. Please. I. Just. Want. To. Be. Ok.
",0.5021845783578627,2.9797556064981947,1.9193501805054147,93.95225122651121,92.2129963898917,4.573877626585208,17.571878181986484,6.297961479604792,-0.12384117374803295,1081,29,223,12,39,346,156,277,0.106,0.7559999999999999,0.138,0.6057,0,0,0,1,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,7,10,15,1,1,7,1,24,5,2,2,9,55,44,15,0,15,8,2,2,0,1,6,1,3,0,1,21,12,1,1,6,1,2,2,9,6,0,2,7,6,33,10,30,27,7,33,0,2,0,1,17,14,1,4,17,151,54,2,0.0,0.10365459672510194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754955850967625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784769835394636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061171060662845535,0.0,0.07199212945220371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643887700408559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180938148838323,0.2321182771875641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898704806237874,0.0925467954346786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901924777625462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025309547413144,0.0,0.0,0.0895182852207138,0.0,0.0,0.07748512814013714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359500316208104,0.0786252529502519,0.0,0.16494483503640775,0.0,0.04423469357551649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995907050578817,0.07441410574431763,0.0,0.0,0.06759015757622537,0.08087783092423671,0.04570693895115916,0.08392291769195641,0.0,0.0,0.06996919111855031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773620826167177,0.0,0.07836875424600827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863888602642463,0.0924319722027709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936537586544547,0.0,0.09449806254747027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615817301034477,0.0,0.0,0.09263324800881112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725024472743378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954994540705728,0.0,0.0,0.08277976534345226,0.0,0.0,0.3515589750965608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881636036259219,0.0,0.0,0.10246056150704344,0.06982913816760608,0.0,0.0,0.1297370083465602,0.3373664489940469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571604491751401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059281629659743484,0.06653575668515198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130120455389015,0.07638792131773241,0.0914024793801332,0.09603149662404696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957629264829393,0.0,0.0,0.0863801977019165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871309378708072,0.08758705177478822,0.17707757588246004,0.0,0.07964242623633186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754748582787487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314079686024931,0.0,0.0,0.10014859959953323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577731033665178,0.14063314216386644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162413707786684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051012802188807986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187922019109211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580025507355394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248585362912012,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reallyactuallyme,2019/03/28,"I put off suicide for 17 years and this is what it got me? Nothing but more memories to look back at sadly.

I went from being a depressed teen who hadn't done shit or even really experienced life, to someone in my 30s, who's managed to actually do a lot of cool shit, enough that if my life ended, it'd make a cool movie.

But all that's left that's new either costs too much, is evil and or really illegal.

And all the cool shit I'm sorta glad I lived to do and see really are just more memories I'm sad about.

I swear if I just didn't want my parents to have to bury me I already be dead.

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suicidewatch,Invalid_MC,2019/03/28,"I feel cold I am finally in a place where I at first thought I was happy. I have friends and go to my dream school, but nothing feels right to me. I feel more alone then ever, and I just feel like a waste of space. I was sick one day a month or so ago and no one realized I was missing. The only way I stay sane is through listening to music. I feel like I'm putting up a front at school because as soon as I get home, I can't smile without looking the way I feel: empty. I try to fill that void with food some days, while others I use hunger as a distraction. Some days I barely sleep, others I can barely wake up. I'm so tired of this and I just want to let my emotions run rampant and cry and be near someone else, while I also want to pull away and keep up with this illusion. ",3.7140236686390513,3.2888880059171623,4.756029585798816,91.06493195266272,71.30769230769229,7.9434319526627215,26.959171597633137,7.1686216300943375,1.002869349112426,599,17,146,5,10,197,104,169,0.212,0.701,0.087,-0.9772,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,7,0,10,6,2,1,1,29,28,18,0,2,5,0,6,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,5,9,2,1,8,1,0,6,3,2,0,3,4,9,23,4,23,22,3,33,0,1,1,0,2,12,0,3,14,95,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985662284658448,0.0,0.0,0.14003808665260892,0.0,0.10812839490291157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703542863201675,0.0,0.0,0.08242352844834157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485232188852571,0.2616002287531848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295165689271662,0.15209446734015414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230632467822575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102012509035789,0.1931899007690615,0.0,0.14811732506598396,0.0,0.11501062775940447,0.1634979909846759,0.0,0.10446388323079933,0.0,0.07064230214356917,0.0,0.0768436743854169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393489935692064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562791714276673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018197950469307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826267308246284,0.0,0.13211478264160945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354340366188526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792433687436784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973884959564352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832452966697988,0.10283425525664758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126698731547782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359246608087071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546967633064792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736820252107978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353089068679742,0.0,0.11456406090057278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411721157169796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734263633340363,0.0,0.15540545174175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091799569302358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677911501974675,0.0,0.0,0.1595022074206025,0.2146488075194893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303388285679107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadReveal,2019/03/28,"I'm absolutely exhausted and if therapy doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do My mental health has progressively worsened since last year and this month it hit an all time low after a week or so of feeling alright. I had a devastating breakdown during class and burst out crying in a bathroom stall. Most of my emotional breakdowns have happened at home (and last for hours) so it was extremely difficult for me to go back to class afterwards.

I chose to set up an appointment today with the school counselor/psychologist hoping I'll get better but I'm not sure I will. It's been ten years dealing with fluctuating and completely untreated depression so it's hard for me to imagine myself having a normal life and being normal.

I can't stop thinking nobody loves me, cares for me or would even care if I died. I'm really tired of being here but also want to at least give therapy a try. Wish me luck everyone, I hope I make it.",4.849945054945053,6.154439708791213,6.013956043956046,76.88104395604397,69.49450549450549,9.556043956043958,29.384615384615394,9.851270322608157,2.89547032967033,745,28,138,18,13,249,123,182,0.161,0.657,0.182,0.6513,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,0,0,8,1,14,5,0,1,2,33,33,16,1,9,7,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,7,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,2,16,9,20,25,3,21,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,8,13,89,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093193834055004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666481393136752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268391771707635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28286246207832605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544213996300634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237411573817514,0.0,0.14301114054338174,0.11947675266764535,0.0,0.14396635002716796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603795920642552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162127316713747,0.0,0.0,0.13255004233735904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013948542889023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247390949122384,0.13306999069759468,0.07883607036281674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266698891404078,0.0,0.12426318918959516,0.0,0.0,0.14744968902939865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391444657552528,0.2755545700436229,0.13660830696929446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623523788193247,0.22614574587528305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797992259131012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519751238839505,0.0,0.09259467762469813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397941138966418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072258951353164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718264239018807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886566510173878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403890142495012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474813954193365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597362705540062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307391350445821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172699677877964,0.0,0.0,0.08888425530357899,0.0,0.0,0.0808870008266352,0.1594347905180726,0.13148750046376814,0.0,0.0,0.09417974039734883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181888325749788,0.0,0.11127041368802326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951770922308053,0.0,0.0,0.10098763135020104,0.0,0.0,0.09854057997506356,0.0,0.0,0.17865840569864208
suicidewatch,Aaaaaziw,2019/03/28,"Why shouldn't I kill myself? 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on therapy, medication, neurofeedback, EMDR and nothing works.

All of this spent on trying to convince myself of a lie, which is that I am a normal, likeable person people want around.

This just isn't true.

Why shouldn't I kill myself if everyone I know doesn't want me around? ",4.996923076923078,6.799544076923077,5.455384615384617,79.1046153846154,69.76923076923077,7.661538461538463,26.84615384615385,8.238735603445708,1.8704461538461543,275,9,48,4,5,88,44,65,0.036000000000000004,0.726,0.238,0.9023,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,14,11,3,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,8,2,8,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390557141303698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960966618792265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853828133321604,0.0,0.12055554628581887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098400478026528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149280564924835,0.21048362933908749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207789959308898,0.19153832265732984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25085941455300925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489323096262002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587706273804641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958799340778409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969805307605292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126185144794934
suicidewatch,red_dead_dude,2019/03/28,"My son and my will to live taken away My sons mother just took him away from me because she has a new BF and they want MY weekends with my son, which is the only time I get to see him.
I cant breathe. How do you deal with something like that?",1.5433333333333332,2.2603657407407383,2.7861111111111114,99.13250000000002,76.77777777777777,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.5637259259259264,186,4,48,0,4,60,43,54,0.0,0.927,0.073,0.4215,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,0,7,10,3,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,13,1,7,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,4,33,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686854175597595,0.0,0.0,0.18448813530661173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120112576083843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811828056355873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785589961284445,0.0,0.2672389827388818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922941333227067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301733540785437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24116698902728734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329890786749853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647334855310198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33624709228536515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785064615545917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lggsfjjgvstjgsjvsyhe,2019/03/28,"Please don’t!! I recently learned that my good friend committed suicide.  please please.. her poor little body is now ashes. She didn’t speak to me for weeks , but if I had known I would have done anything to help her.  How alone and hopeless she must have been to do this.  Please don’t assume you are alone with your bridges burned..I’d give so much to hold her and protect her now.. I did try.. she just had so much working against her.  I wish I could have helped her, a few weeks back she ghosted every one... what could I do?? Pound on her door like some stalker when she wanted to be left alone?? She was married, I’m married, (to others) I never did anything physical with her but I loved her.  If she had been willing to do anything outside of marriage she wouldn’t have been the woman I thought and not worth loving.  She was true to her husband, even if he wasn’t great to her.  As I was to my wife.  But still I loved her, and I would have helped her if I only knew she needed help.  I wonder if she knew I loved her, or if it would have mattered?  I guess my point is just that if you feel alone and hopeless it may not be true.  Idk what led to her decision to do this... but know that your perception may be wrong.  She was never alone.. I was with her.  I just hope she still exists in some way and is free of whatever was hurting her.  If she knocked on my door tonight asking to get away from all this I’d just get in the car with her and go.  She is dead. How can this even be the world we live in??",0.9477388337468966,2.9131162532051285,1.8370843672456587,99.8175930521092,81.98076923076924,4.795037220843673,19.679900744416877,5.642373280135919,-0.4342321339950371,1149,30,273,6,31,357,143,312,0.117,0.691,0.191,0.9815,0,5,0,0,0,3,50.0,1,4,0,1,16,16,0,0,4,0,49,5,1,3,7,69,70,26,3,19,19,2,1,1,1,8,0,1,2,1,12,12,0,2,11,0,3,3,9,4,0,1,20,2,62,13,29,36,6,26,0,3,0,4,55,10,0,17,13,203,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743988173770384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261603181126484,0.0,0.08564247050252476,0.0,0.08607009499853256,0.07044201325672336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017574484076812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462853849042133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374827469687884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101435705292896,0.0,0.07718491371690503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046320491081348815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077723474791704,0.0,0.09572431441979087,0.08788013313203216,0.052063762256021724,0.07683766128327034,0.0,0.1009997433547281,0.10091813863460868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456155363726189,0.0,0.0,0.0909888554648076,0.0,0.0,0.09806981221837956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050346158583878725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953393677143584,0.0,0.0,0.044755750482853636,0.0918167367659904,0.08089282377011082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307244255091176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468697469704305,0.06792724728361081,0.14130971261367084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207693500248033,0.06967311571547133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.402238670450725,0.08660054217282298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904532812107324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631885212573334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020587079418296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272767137560929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219680396061565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540336278351681,0.07271531829140443,0.14696715190702314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534634781254633,0.0,0.09934654202584872,0.06669277153488724,0.0,0.0,0.19523017718087465,0.10016055379160334,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihatemeandfuck,2019/03/28,"idk what to do anymore i’ve started doing online school because going, physically, to school and being around a lot of people i don’t know gave me too much anxiety and i’m very insecure. It’s been about 6 months since then and other than seeing my gf i haven’t seen any of the few friends i have and my gf lives pretty far so i can only see her on the weekends. I’ve been spending nearly everyday alone in my room and i cant take it anymore, i feel like i’m going insane, everyday i feel worse. I’m starting to believe maybe i was just meant to die, life and me aren’t just meant to be, like dying is my purpose or something. i need help. please",0.6014841849148418,2.7623719708029206,2.7004671532846736,91.96904622871048,84.76642335766424,5.1131873479318735,20.812165450121654,6.42735559955562,0.2713634063260337,508,16,109,5,15,171,91,137,0.13,0.7509999999999999,0.119,-0.1513,1,1,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,14,1,0,0,0,17,32,9,2,1,3,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,5,1,1,2,4,1,0,0,7,5,16,3,13,23,3,15,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,2,9,65,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765138672275454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007904448389456,0.0,0.12383223726798592,0.0,0.32106861191319525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441010974502549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867614713435846,0.0,0.0,0.1823751965302184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33599678830610136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369548740453885,0.11564194976867427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506251195457288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399206786573086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084999154856551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896104915922076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433553501546748,0.15816573223673422,0.0,0.14293663458060396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761845296836758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262296946181487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920531243051225,0.0,0.11899512211212747,0.12002661880906297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311154706895225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222220726084724,0.0,0.0,0.17768770816987792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646828164067113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276478002838189,0.2579833034103409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339028402918957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246175780888145,0.0,0.0,0.22914878040053466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170818881491598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356200010768274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496219683851684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnEpicFuckUp,2019/03/28,"Can someone please help me? I just woke up on the couch with an unhostered gun in my hoodie pocket. The safety was off. I don't know what I was thinking, but I do think about shooting myself in the heart A LOT. I was turned down for a job today. Some privileged prick whose dad is a VP got it. I think I almost did it today in a drunken rage. Nobody knows just how bad my alcoholism is. I think I need help ",0.4899870801033615,2.5027755697674436,2.269224806201553,95.81285529715765,84.0,4.752454780361758,17.695090439276484,5.82211442006289,-0.4712645994832041,313,7,71,2,9,103,60,86,0.16,0.698,0.142,-0.5647,1,0,1,2,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,8,0,9,3,2,1,0,15,19,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,13,1,10,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,3,2,50,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084308736883626,0.2069273918805868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725418397148932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527470029445385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24487801123362754,0.27702261977553544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506553038003986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271358718184971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756841201217057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322633311028808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22683664866834985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509156221609046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296449091057661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917549007629064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477289071040532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,canigetuuhhhh,2019/03/28,"Edging closer to ending it every day Hi everyone,

I've never posted here before but I really feel as if I have nowhere else to turn. Over the past few weeks my suicidal ideation has come back stronger than ever and I have started planning methods in case it becomes unbearable. 

Some background: I'm a 20 year old male, unemployed and living at home with my parents. I'm a full time undergraduate student, trying to get into med school. 

I'm also incredibly unattractive; I used to be very overweight but dropped down to a healthy weight and built a good amount of muscle, I lift 4-5 days a week. Despite this I am still unattractive, I have horrible facial structure and a nerve palsy that makes my facial muscles droop and gives me a sad and soft/puffy appearance. On top of this I have remittent psoriasis on my scalp and face, which has flared up recently. I could go on listing unattractive features but you can take my word for it, I am ugly in the truest sense of the word. I was often bullied for my appearance in my youth and even more recently.

I have never had a relationship in my life, in fact I have never had even the slightest romantic experience, never kissed, never held someone's hand, literally nothing. Nobody has ever showed interest in me or reciprocated when I showed interest towards them. 

I had friends up until I graduated from high-school, and then they all went their separate ways and I never succeeded in making new friends at university. It's incredibly difficult having nobody to talk to, and sharing things with my parents only makes them freak out, which makes me feel worse. 

I'm totally swamped by schoolwork and study, I have little to no free time, and nothing to do when I do have free time. I'm either incredible stressed or incredibly bored, there's no middle ground. 

I have no motivation to push forward, no motivation to continue with my studies, I'm close to failing one of my units because I'm too busy thinking about ending it all. It's hard to stay motivated when you don't want to live.

I know that no matter what I do, I will always be an ugly piece of shit. I will always be undesirable and disgusting. I hate myself intensely. I don't know what to do.",6.411892639734365,7.100561047961633,7.020875299760193,73.29265218594358,65.61870503597122,9.964545286847443,34.024073049252905,9.943994293440598,3.4174940785832884,1755,75,311,37,26,578,233,417,0.227,0.6509999999999999,0.122,-0.9949,6,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,4,7,16,20,3,1,13,0,32,10,6,8,13,64,62,27,1,3,7,2,5,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,15,21,2,1,8,2,2,7,13,9,0,1,6,5,47,13,50,50,10,70,0,2,0,1,16,27,1,7,34,213,62,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758698511875393,0.157883762701031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295143022810809,0.0,0.0578336600977252,0.10477970201453657,0.08072987926586707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172463217284735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574831806225447,0.0,0.0,0.12237038780887295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925416267883262,0.0,0.16805851981041645,0.0,0.0,0.12532535651660268,0.17163600108859084,0.07993453888321272,0.09065515429979104,0.0,0.09280393431734746,0.0,0.0,0.0959412122688074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659718721080944,0.0,0.04956719237338336,0.09101076338141707,0.05391847484243308,0.07957491597477145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498751408238382,0.09366738089906304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023846384728803,0.09516528844932058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427936696810806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701155913771678,0.0,0.09508760406301146,0.16754907806831135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533136810636997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538244230256637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390311334254615,0.09162887102224816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820662781668457,0.0,0.0995531850771682,0.0,0.06428835553157633,0.07215514158245588,0.0,0.0,0.21069033190540712,0.0,0.09056695077160068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908620456437061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077803099638145,0.0,0.18735115389446566,0.10185802610545412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920329488298776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738570357563706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038552925687238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715155112130612,0.10112192459090523,0.07576564778895285,0.0,0.10867662556163583,0.0,0.0,0.10377559149320496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133263942143453,0.07625527077145204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302936183594415,0.06079074542171525,0.0,0.0,0.16596351260581665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441249468563565,0.10319450893957828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193975399631268,0.0,0.07828010659640433,0.055958514652654334,0.07530571918092863,0.15220269030493178,0.11552967491463274,0.0,0.08794816047662488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966836251515025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109505908094363
suicidewatch,RyanORry,2019/03/28,I’m ready to go Hi im Ryan I’m 22 I’m ready to die I don’t belong here I’m too nice in a place that’s cruel and does nothing but takes iv been victim to inappropriate crimes I’ve been used abused and neglected I work hard to just lose everything over and over I have no family and I need support someone pls help me!!!,-1.672272727272727,0.25839561111111564,1.3849494949494991,96.79136363636364,99.83333333333334,4.8404040404040405,14.87878787878788,6.574015621080383,-0.4405999999999999,252,6,62,4,11,88,51,72,0.301,0.534,0.165,-0.925,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,13,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,5,2,7,11,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,27,6,1,0.0,0.30246218588139673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26493782217507805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339512823899824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294270261441465,0.0,0.24065298081892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508013009168014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286785676945225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110717908863715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27574358940844834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855903115981264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189285089007108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494572035786136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667107352856973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629586289591235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896859696197851,0.0,0.0,0.19193696849340688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047786411253886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584511666436546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justatossawaytbh,2019/03/28,"Take 2? It’s been exactly one week since my last attempt, and I’m sat here about to try for another time. Wish me luck, I guess, or hope that somebody cares enough to find me. ",1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,2.933513513513514,95.99774774774777,76.83783783783784,7.095495495495496,23.144144144144143,7.793537801064563,0.7187549549549548,135,4,33,2,3,43,34,37,0.0,0.721,0.279,0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31080886027793386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022069599120505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062679381202367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709108692064282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265260182821965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943992931790869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161148091501775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008532330041544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24519115157054025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286137400851036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172837459142614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124107540934655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377600279778539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408537251796441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kindbudcole,2019/03/28,Still trying.. 6 months sober today and I still feel like killing myself..I feel like everybody is casting me out... I want disappear for a while.. maybe take a long long... long vacation.. I don’t want to tell anybody I’m leaving..,1.076666666666668,3.6839709090909127,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,89.9090909090909,5.660606060606061,23.24242424242424,7.1686216300943375,1.1327242424242423,176,7,35,3,6,56,33,44,0.147,0.6759999999999999,0.177,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,3,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713517763967832,0.3067883629994753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375530334901362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735476541049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980019003737568,0.0,0.0,0.570054530906155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571252770773733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713854114820976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429472486869605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144079239778442,0.0,0.18767250595501606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352702615378546,0.0,0.0,0.14577904682498535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329181760833464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ephemeral1250,2019/03/28,"It's too much  No one listens to me when I talk about how i feel, im tired of pursuing help I never receive. Im tired of being misunderstood when trying to open up to my family. Im tired of all my friends leaving when I need them after I spent countless nights helping them heal. Im tired of having to hide my arm because I don't know how to cut deep enough to reach the end. Im tired of hating me. I don't care about getting better anymore. Everything is so bleak and hopeless. No one cares about who I am, just merely the idea of who I was. I want it to end but im to tired to press down hard enough. Im only 17 and its just too much. Im constantly told it could be worse but im not ok with wanting to die. I just wanted to be heard. I wanted to feel love. I wanted to feel. I wanted to live. But its so dark. I haven't been me in years and no one noticed. My family wants to tell me how I feel when they dont know everything. Im hurting. Im in pain. Im scared to find out what happens after i die but being here isnt worth it. Ive lost just about everything. I dont want to cry anymore. Im sick of fighting voices in my head and my horrible coping methods. I want it all to end.",-0.6870722186076748,1.1525291698113236,2.0892648015614874,96.35924528301888,87.49056603773585,5.01366297983084,18.194534808067665,6.311591054244273,-0.2670624593363695,910,24,223,9,29,317,122,265,0.272,0.6459999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9947,0,1,1,0,2,2,27.0,0,0,3,2,20,14,3,1,2,1,17,12,2,3,3,41,44,17,2,11,9,0,6,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,10,7,0,0,8,0,2,1,11,8,0,3,6,9,33,6,38,33,6,22,0,3,0,1,16,8,0,0,13,137,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565248227204292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03247087849436037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047110056709395436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086178765516742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057562366200870435,0.0,0.042529115878114254,0.0,0.058510955364366075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105648244730048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485632284170407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153542506608702,0.11007745521202067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361799308270226,0.0,0.10043018533445357,0.0,0.10773295139605443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868478766427844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04115371087956117,0.0,0.027829645886894572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047103556127364235,0.0,0.0477164896470969,0.052589826390359806,0.054666989147858884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140707607049154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702309100408622,0.06013160691045834,0.7479831249813159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854795716834525,0.0,0.0,0.05640173130370432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047035461240090434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814688207442061,0.0,0.04807526543205245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831428898948338,0.039496574082197325,0.041082553437481066,0.0,0.0,0.04998717813900394,0.0,0.0,0.06064447713754779,0.0,0.0,0.10828465866801487,0.040511716379497305,0.05667951142611648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332924696125686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042813745967147626,0.046557432983012036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673333308483772,0.0,0.05089860291017253,0.0,0.036164584515690636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28276265314123245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054283305593729916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03430200054208775
suicidewatch,AVeryPregnantEmu,2019/03/28,"all i can think about i live a great life surrounded by a lot of people who genuinely care for me. but all i can think about is cracking my neck and finally ridding this world of myself. anytime i’m alone all i can think about is dying. my life has been falling apart around me for the last couple weeks and it feels like everything i do is meaningless. i have nowhere to turn so i wanted to post this, in case i don’t wake up in the morning. ",2.084891304347824,3.803653141304349,3.2602173913043515,92.17119565217396,77.3695652173913,6.773913043478261,23.45652173913044,7.6454224807358475,0.9133434782608698,347,11,77,5,8,112,62,92,0.092,0.821,0.08800000000000001,-0.09,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,11,4,2,0,3,13,19,4,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,13,3,14,18,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,4,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267430372969939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489203848778075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321134669455595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422392988395236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22721235353855934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675807005432427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069640618987868,0.15640196864495573,0.0,0.2398245574797111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136852512710716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845526803089568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092701705266032,0.1069569993565483,0.0,0.1933171404028585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861244730755692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177687834206058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967218724813005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208400262194028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381304344192569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291292098835912,0.0,0.1756105685008609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwafuckfuck,2019/03/28,"I just ruined my fucking life because I'm a stupid goddamn bitch a man ruined me because it was fun for him and my parents let it happen. ive been scraping my shit together since then but since theyre fucking people who let bad shit happen to you they also arent good at supplying you with shit scraping tools, even if anyone could supply you tools to cope with the pile of shit I was dealt at age 10.  I built a little shit mountain for myself hoping I might actually ascend to human status, but here I am.  Toppled off and looming over me is my little goddamn shitpile, like always.  Degenerate, disgusting.

​

It's pathetic of me to continue to hope that my life might somehow magically improve.  I'm a bad person and I'm stupid and ugly and clumsy and fat and generally terrible and that wouldn't change even if its worse because I got molested.  I realize its a bit taboo but fuck I can't do this again I'm out of fucking chances to be something other than what I am.  My dreams were yote into oblivion I might as well fucking. Join them.",4.038025362318841,5.6304960241545885,5.2459631642512115,80.49474184782609,71.85024154589372,7.493840579710145,29.36262077294686,8.07648339933343,2.1232707729468605,835,34,153,12,16,277,126,207,0.327,0.5660000000000001,0.107,-0.9962,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,2,0,8,26,15,0,6,0,19,15,6,0,0,29,33,16,0,6,6,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,3,11,12,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,20,1,0,5,0,27,6,21,20,1,12,0,2,0,5,11,8,11,8,5,105,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.09659176032977376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915554729820612,0.08236061789029021,0.10724651891192703,0.12027347433703894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921023400527765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529099793317248,0.18101478831076395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806226783100303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104709405053084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902875093711925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307528224998517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575344569352541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302106734890104,0.07916462520023264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17505819853441748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966221191895627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024307781241393,0.13982725828051315,0.04835740850296553,0.19841112703062666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150114972095331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109907349700669,0.0,0.0,0.06862137636102794,0.08642691253493569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.508015934188129,0.163757199644505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620086911457323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889963428456311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008707034988716,0.0,0.0,0.12027347433703894,0.0
suicidewatch,nojudgement123,2019/03/28,I know it’s really stupid... I have a panic disorder and a form that means I only get obsessive thoughts that I can’t get rid of. About a year ago my thoughts manifested around the zombie apocalypse and I know it is literally the stupidest thing ever I really do but I keep seeing things and I’m so scared of it happening I’ve already thrown up twice tonight and there’s not much stopping from swallowing a concoction of pills and taking myself out so I never have to worry again. Honestly the only thing stopping me is how hurt I know my mom would be. ,2.078969696969697,4.597803109090911,3.9686363636363637,82.93628787878787,81.54545454545455,8.03030303030303,23.71212121212121,8.841846274778883,2.12830303030303,442,16,85,12,12,149,73,110,0.159,0.746,0.095,-0.7937,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,3,7,0,8,2,0,1,2,22,21,9,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,3,6,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,1,13,1,9,17,2,11,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,8,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219357899283614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894651219661472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284125677368024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677258831101516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530420300649628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940276534046312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182565133892595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379860555846084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260671589817074,0.0,0.0,0.2830704026128789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870216681799064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010822480624032,0.0,0.0,0.12621252950438885,0.0,0.13241856766496365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611572557088457,0.0,0.20144221921898234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219979109378693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189249222318384,0.0,0.13681537829187582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28708247625060035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290901517564204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34219131454432605,0.0,0.0,0.2726067131562383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436039190457112,0.0,0.12196425354920465,0.0,0.0,0.11056327807711283
suicidewatch,JeanURL,2019/03/28,"I don't know I can't tell if I have a mental illness, a brain tumor, or if all of my problems are just the result of nature vs nurture. Maybe I should spend the $900 to get an MRI scan? I have no health insurance, and am poor, but just KNOWING their is nothing physically wrong with me could eliminate a lot of worries. 

It's funny, I always run to this sub reddit when I get into this mindset.

It's whatever though, I'm just here to vent.",2.482857142857142,3.531650096774193,4.436589861751155,86.91774193548392,74.91397849462365,7.034715821812598,25.1136712749616,7.447530270364453,1.1107800307219664,341,11,74,4,7,117,70,93,0.14300000000000002,0.758,0.099,-0.2427,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,9,4,1,1,1,19,14,7,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,10,1,8,12,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,1,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817064912752632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29270090145636085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934463986970164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739764077198397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787053741358745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28819552806225457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229122919478204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26341423017177784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642350151568543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25158710061344464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508891205731723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291735635657091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576092769302862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662759056806102,0.0,0.0,0.28667354673035633,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ifeelsuecidal,2019/03/28,"I hate my self cus i am fat I am fat and always will be because i have eating disorders cus me and my dad argued a lot
But today me and my dad argued and after i left my mind was telling me a lot of things but one stick out the most ""why dont you end it all at once""...
""No body cares about you"" ""you are just a ball of pure fat""
I need help...",-1.289335443037977,0.1822816329113941,1.4055537974683538,102.57390031645572,87.10126582278481,4.456329113924051,13.67246835443038,5.148860815047168,-1.4252924050632916,255,3,71,1,8,88,53,79,0.113,0.835,0.052000000000000005,-0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,4,0,8,5,4,0,2,15,11,6,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,16,1,6,8,4,6,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,3,3,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368390856552005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456878087604066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24520645524480386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507206313253475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530016890635611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587204893823807,0.0,0.0,0.225885096061066,0.0,0.0,0.19552134594719534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179475626156063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796586384932106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398484257830692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753520578136093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222897270825462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368531032952016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23509439279912564,0.14958772475736798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302931829369248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294756679681613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665826730187304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092477226428556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919495204463586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tinyrick_plz_help,2019/03/28,"What did I do wrong Tonight my wife of 8 years attempted Suicide. This did not feel like her usual cry for help. We recently experienced a miscarriage after a rough cycle of IVF. Narcotics And alcohol have never been her go to. She texted her dad and he called the police to come and check on her just about 30 mins after I got home from a 12 hr shift. They were cordial and sympathetic and called a grief counselor for her to talk with as she lay on our bed room floor. 

I feel so lost. It’s never escalated to this level in such a long time. I have so many emotions pent up right now. So broken and angry and powerless to do anything about it all. She was on the verge of being taken away but she knows what to say to the counselor to end that conversation. I almost hoped he wouldn’t have fallen for that. 

That this time I wouldn’t be in charge of this runaway train careening into the night breaking things emotionally and physically all around me. I feel alone and unable to process what my purpose in the life we share anymore.  The role of the caretaker is what I do for a living and to have that role forced upon me at home is unbelievable and so personal , I can barely breath around this home we share. 

She no longer wants to suffer anymore. And that the loss of her life is not up to me, her family, her friends. But a choice she wants to make all on her own. 

I get that. I see patients go through loss of life and limb on a daily basis. Some chose to fight no more after terminal illness is presented upon them. But she sees her depression/ anxieties/ fears/ pain all the same as a cancer.  And I understand that. 

She says it’s selfish of us to want her to stay around and be in our lives. But at what cost is it to us? What am I supposed to do when she does final succeed? How am I suppose to move on and carry the struggles alone ? 

Every day I feel like I made a mistake 10 yrs ago. And every day I am paying that price with my livelihood, sanity, finances, relationships and wellbeing. When will I every be ok?",3.5235913978494615,4.931241195061733,4.480963759458387,86.20562724014341,72.85185185185185,7.596176821983273,24.916367980884107,8.155646560271837,1.3449426523297483,1584,48,328,24,31,514,209,405,0.179,0.754,0.067,-0.9939,1,2,1,0,1,1,39.0,7,0,2,5,15,21,1,2,20,1,29,8,1,3,6,60,50,31,2,7,7,2,5,2,1,3,7,2,5,1,24,28,1,0,6,0,5,5,8,13,0,0,9,10,53,8,63,34,8,56,0,6,2,0,48,26,0,3,25,235,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419151900026521,0.10150169633084424,0.09510590321588114,0.1967353818781468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265726506643899,0.0,0.18838363704764935,0.0,0.0,0.07815810755245607,0.2536494179092421,0.0,0.0,0.08923416536664126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939645925602239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181441081922511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432794707359806,0.1225048178758198,0.0,0.0818036860686608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311515004507128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367303587877967,0.08412157030183942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24006705306442394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953601077709931,0.10687570673661136,0.1920932170964878,0.13570339973684056,0.0,0.1040428329398454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337911582178336,0.0,0.04962164444392455,0.0,0.1079554140341671,0.0,0.07596190870326604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366118623914684,0.0,0.28580949701146285,0.09433374710701192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219696156633237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012555241852101,0.09280208276203684,0.0,0.1677331392140257,0.0840517951018103,0.0,0.0,0.10367878626793682,0.0,0.0,0.08986968231264858,0.06339798974207371,0.09629192984481356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094568694992576,0.0,0.0,0.14650447711828182,0.0,0.0,0.0891296278238615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106239133163304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293038996747062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377848431155343,0.1019699223044742,0.0,0.08110997304829577,0.0,0.15105929454549258,0.0,0.0,0.15136899463453876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012330121451408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929074614603683,0.0,0.10388959423489497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633904104740202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309860278126547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076388795172598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988745698847562,0.2284916510494411,0.0,0.10460392005635544,0.0,0.16805996374298693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384261130891842,0.0,0.06116217509674968
suicidewatch,hubiboobie,2019/03/28,"I need encouragement Everything's ready.. but every time my head hangs in the noose and i get these feelings I panic. I don‘t want to die like this. I just got a huge fear of things going wrong, and I end up surviving, damaging my brain. 

I have read about experience such as peaceful relief and relaxation- thats what i need to hear ",2.27024175824176,4.803655276923077,3.462197802197803,86.77923076923078,80.84615384615384,7.406593406593408,21.59340659340659,8.418075326091056,1.3937252747252749,263,8,53,6,7,85,53,65,0.255,0.46,0.285,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,9,10,5,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,10,4,7,9,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,32,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645731099004921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459711199249339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991382011106666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996847816429688,0.0,0.2130025154522133,0.23183386829619665,0.0,0.26669364109173777,0.11983555725797745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382399553458552,0.0,0.13469395114874808,0.0,0.1895525057558512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432328836538083,0.0,0.2671189801927086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578742311243186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514686196627821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780713040371675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706658110740206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745389328754109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819803153265994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979018251179087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25912496820909997,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwwayoutthetrash,2019/03/28,I'm too tired to die I haven't gotten out of bed for weeks. I want to die so bad but I don't even have motivation to do so.,-3.2730645161290326,-1.7892919354838703,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,97.38709677419355,4.390322580645162,10.975806451612904,5.985473137389443,-1.5956516129032257,94,1,29,1,4,35,21,31,0.376,0.588,0.036000000000000004,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,4,7,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,18,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998445578267435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.745405699358221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371909101965589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127478452628977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118142950896328,0.0,0.2880589822460165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway012358,2019/03/28,"I’m a terrible person and nothing can change that These past few days I’ve been dwelling on suicidal and homicidal daydreams and since I don’t have a job or classes to go to I’m basically stuck with the reality of what an evil person I am, and how almost a decade of therapy still hasn’t changed that I’m a fundamentally evil person who does not deserve breath or life.

Hotlines don’t help. They take too long and the operators either sound like they don’t care or actively try to shame me for wanting to die. Not to mention they generally aren’t open 24/7, and I call pretty frequently.

I honestly would have killed myself by now if I had a gun — but alas, I do not have a gun. All I have is the hope that I might have a big life change soon, but that won’t change what a piece of shit I am on the inside. Nothing will change that, and I would live with that just so I could cause myself more pain, because I always deserve pain, but other people have to put up with me, and they shouldn’t have to.

Eventually I will die, suicide or not. And my death won’t matter. And my death will be a weight off the world’s back. I keep telling myself this over and over. ",6.5012203626220355,5.150563163179918,6.841098326359832,81.48903940027895,65.90376569037657,10.142398884239887,31.21373779637378,9.075114841892004,2.2227235704323576,912,27,201,13,12,297,131,239,0.207,0.691,0.102,-0.9845,2,0,0,2,0,1,21.0,0,0,4,0,8,13,4,2,15,0,30,7,2,2,1,43,40,21,7,7,14,0,1,1,0,9,4,1,0,3,12,15,1,1,0,0,0,2,12,9,0,0,3,2,25,4,21,26,5,19,0,0,0,0,12,9,1,8,9,139,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044648087685786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917759129064506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848115600043542,0.0,0.06723600782483043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262553605301892,0.0,0.11245510956861304,0.1133053686175527,0.5833978353245836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806315383369298,0.0,0.0,0.07113241958352674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894167783939384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652161979044498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268430858920078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392973254877759,0.0,0.0,0.1095497760243884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945272142941756,0.09803701281055434,0.12202725300338026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581202043668801,0.053885527146743696,0.0,0.09739424329195458,0.09760934565024476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700765273901242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166583063874406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347275004842153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529093611680113,0.07646602978160677,0.2889211737633698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221166871726523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108789168550274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132182524255576,0.09123879153261036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808330095282613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24129396167813985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829295931504433,0.0,0.09640441138337237,0.0,0.12613419514296448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488440104572586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650560092979442,0.0,0.0,0.13431199259107407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567036026856325,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gratefullyhuman,2019/03/28,"I’ve taken up dangerous hobbies. Unless I’m thrill seeking and pushing things too far I’m so depressed. I’ve purchased the gear to start ice climbing and mountaineering. I’ve had several close calls during other activities but every time I go into survival mode and refuse to let myself die. I basically only have the will to live when I’m close to death. 

I suspect as my physical ability declines my depression will worsen. I’m considering leaving my girlfriend so that once my parents die there won’t be anyone left to mourn my death if I were to have an accident. ",5.38111111111111,7.051355444444442,6.3916666666666675,73.28250000000003,68.62962962962962,9.103703703703703,33.87037037037037,9.516144504307137,3.5147925925925927,460,22,76,10,8,153,75,108,0.361,0.604,0.035,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,16,10,5,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,4,0,0,3,0,10,1,10,8,0,12,0,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845893598757507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314057636762842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903773198270907,0.0,0.4703944207893934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909382841978904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287941510242876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995931666859144,0.2462247891641657,0.2317357120208693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001108277614671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24134437035245465,0.0,0.17235576913678002,0.0,0.0,0.25163622029444793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25601765076683114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040377703388306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505571730466392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214474735261414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shuzei,2019/03/28,"I’m a burden to my parents. My parents are struggling to pay the taxes which is about $11,000. Today, I got into a minor car accident and my parents will have to pay at least $3,000 for my mistake. Our insurance rate will also go up because I’m an idiot. I have a job but my manager isn’t giving me any hours at all so I’m absolutely broke and I can’t help them.

We are already trying to save money but I’m transferring to a 4 year university next year and so my tuition costs will obviously go up. My dad has been talking about how he’s been depressed because of all the recent costs, and I fucked up by getting into that accident. 

I feel so ashamed of myself and I hate that I can’t do anything to help them. I’m not even excited to go to school because I’m not at all looking forward to the future. I’ve just been thinking about all of the expenses my parents have to shoulder because of me. 

I’m afraid to do anything that would harm myself, but I believe that objectively, my family would benefit in the long run if I were gone. I know they would miss me but they would be better off financially if I weren’t around. I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to go to my therapist anymore and I feel so lost. I just wish I didn’t exist.",2.00829934324231,3.5221411140684395,4.2821586588316665,85.653988074663,77.02281368821292,7.063187003110957,26.40321465606637,7.84624498591911,1.5276783269961975,975,38,207,15,22,339,129,263,0.193,0.713,0.094,-0.9774,7,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,4,2,13,17,3,3,10,0,29,2,1,1,5,38,55,18,0,8,10,5,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,5,0,8,8,9,13,0,0,9,3,37,4,34,38,5,27,0,4,1,1,16,12,1,2,9,144,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290424013366091,0.09351412446863357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952087045734281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596964533791695,0.0,0.0,0.19245764982971372,0.10409833003936733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28513376547882624,0.0,0.0,0.13174745880024222,0.0,0.10342088422248867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071728743953844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723549476458097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023738130892703,0.0,0.1182532761742172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810596506481776,0.06109452601544783,0.11217620334851776,0.2658309665118881,0.0,0.09352484907466553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545064315988122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676022197357953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515895613541445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604149180147118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853055000808478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348517547207886,0.0981972588436521,0.0,0.12765006834980158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436335775696768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.519376843733044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546074527892722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834604126589655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224748174896452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398917713288056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577235858671924,0.0,0.07492822570397968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084218547314134,0.0,0.0,0.07939224805487706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447127255132107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33227350748025314,0.0,0.0,0.15060662094068306
suicidewatch,UngratefulCowboy,2019/03/29,"Too scared to do it. My mother died a year and 5 months ago and even before that I had thoughts of suicide but now I just want to do it. I won't do it because I'm her only child and I care more about her than myself, but I wish I could. I wasn't happy before losing her and now it's just an everyday struggle. My life seemingly feel apart and I just want to end it. I've been waiting years to be happy, just trying to ""wait it out"" but it only got worse. I have no money. I have no friends that I can talk to like this and I'm really not close to my family. I'm married but after the response I got when my mother passed. I regret putting my spouse first. I feel like I'm trapped and I would love to do it but I won't because I'm too scared and I hate myself for it. ",-0.4958268733850098,1.2721090813953495,1.994806201550389,97.78029715762275,86.09302325581396,4.752454780361758,17.113695090439276,5.82211442006289,-0.6227180878552971,590,13,146,4,18,202,89,172,0.224,0.622,0.154,-0.9276,0,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,11,13,1,3,3,0,15,2,0,0,0,32,34,14,2,6,10,3,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,12,10,0,2,4,0,1,2,6,6,0,1,6,2,27,7,14,23,1,16,0,2,0,1,10,3,0,1,13,99,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342105753756615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845890350457069,0.0,0.2576674291037818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436654281519932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208838323030226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571335239899239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409906942857824,0.0,0.0,0.10000096218650363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427302852582821,0.0,0.15310889682487067,0.10816309989048536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878422701483255,0.0,0.0,0.11697441110390025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421833361544811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223449017757926,0.0,0.14948017664972932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694117419888148,0.14793676455123098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693824298485359,0.0,0.0,0.13664808694982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208492864635923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302992398507349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220291129200675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699332598561748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30316377913835424,0.0,0.0,0.13783258157631004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828041028332526,0.0,0.16561148181404514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169285866627247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120197921837717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279342703554636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860408981327472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741072117497769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542936850380896,0.10755310935208584,0.0,0.0,0.1949985178658167
suicidewatch,landonanira,2019/03/29,"Let’s here your BEST pitch Ok so I’m on the verge of killing myself. As a last resort, I’ve come here to see what you all have to say about being alive. 

If you don’t mind, could you perhaps try to give me your absolute best reason to keep living? Like if you were literally trying to stop someone from committing suicide and you had to give your best argument to save this person, what would you say?

I’m only asking this because I honestly have yet to hear a good reason and I just want to know what the people of reddit can come up with

Thanks",2.8124680432645057,4.26937530088496,3.9261356932153397,89.27695181907573,74.75221238938053,6.792133726647003,21.40511307767945,7.3871296695380915,0.5659703048180922,431,10,92,5,9,140,77,113,0.099,0.6409999999999999,0.259,0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,9,0,3,6,10,1,0,4,1,10,0,0,2,2,20,23,6,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,13,9,17,17,4,8,0,0,1,0,16,3,0,2,4,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450446463113611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422598927354148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866430515756992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26630112296163416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341360019687808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29656014160831345,0.0,0.12964811783331526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742144931890646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373911809511965,0.17101162018025035,0.0,0.08494902879037332,0.12599725540918644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580609007653014,0.0,0.07551633815256201,0.0,0.13649038990597664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560742076518365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755938644192394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716114080959946,0.1349667849150737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178526423567434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458445851314751,0.0,0.0,0.12317430648562187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096881651112965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922956965007526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907727704542722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230963276316275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988922447844452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117089239233048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980390168501912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChillinCharmanderYT,2019/03/29,"My family is a disfunctional disgusting mess that I can’t deal with. Something needs to be done here or I don’t know what I’ll do. My family is always fighting. They always make up with each other and apologize. I’ve never been apologized to. They make it feel like I’m the cause of everything when I’m barely involved in anything. They never acknowledge me, and when they do, it’s in a negative manner. I’ve been dealing with this since I was 7 and it’s only gotten worse. In this span of 8 years I’ve seen windows break, faces bleed, and heard lots of yelling and screaming. Last year I stopped going to school illegally because it was too much stress and I had no friends. That’s made my parents hate me even more to a point where whenever they talk to me it’s negatively. My father is a teacher, somehow, and my mother works at a scooter company and is a pothead drunk. My brother just turned 17 and was beat up today by my father, making his mouth bleed.  Of course they called the cops and had a cheesy moment where they made up as if everything was going to be better. It never gets better. There has been about 7 holes formed in the walls of this house in the past 6 months. Might I add that my father says my life is easy compared to some peoples lives and I should be grateful. It’s coming to a point where I don’t know what to do. I have no friends to go to around here, the cops do shit, and if I run away the cops will get me. I’m trapped. Poor 7 year old me he no idea the hell that awaited him. Now I don’t want to see what happens in the future. I don’t know how much longer I can last in these conditions, and there’s no way I’m going to the hospital. I can’t see myself committing suicide, but it’s a possibility at this point.
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suicidewatch,Vindictive_Barista,2019/03/29,"Too depressed to keep trying anymore, but also too guilty to burden the people who would have to deal with the aftermath I want to die, but I also don’t want to ruin whoever finds me day. Stuck in a cycle of self hatred, and guilt. Killing myself would forever solidify the fact that I’m a burden, but staying alive is just a waste of air at this point. ",8.845305164319251,5.971544422535215,9.096338028169018,71.9992488262911,62.521126760563384,11.72018779342723,34.93427230046949,9.725611199111238,3.1465737089201875,278,8,54,4,3,93,53,71,0.443,0.494,0.062,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,6,0,5,0,0,0,1,13,10,6,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,10,7,0,7,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861160092149359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23941696990900724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569150672924398,0.2488863517843273,0.20792878779585933,0.0,0.2505487299928084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206472407005488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145790952856075,0.2670878762927213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736547779486272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821345337884225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518465601870105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573142912239337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390367848566845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847834551022159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34298594304638297,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rocker1985,2019/03/29,"To: Tim Green the asshole from Birdsboro Pennsylvania. I really was gonna do it, off myself because of you. 
I'm so happy I'm still here.
Please to anyone who is suicidal please don't give up your life, (because someone cheated in my case or etc) don't let them win. 
Sending virtual hugs to you! 
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suicidewatch,SleestakFucker,2019/03/29,"Little drunk and just need to vent I'm just sick of ""putting myself out there"" and then being too attached way too quickly and fucking it up. I know I don't have a chance at anything and if I don't stop trying I know I'll end up hurting myself. I can't tell anymore if I have a semblance of confidence or if I'm so pathetically apathetic that I couldn't possibly care anymore. I just fucking hate myself and know for a fact that anyone hurt by my death would be over it sooner rather than later, so might as well just rip the bandaid off right? But the fucking worst part, the part that fucks with me the hardest is that I can't even tell if I actually mean what I'm writing here or if I just want attention or something fucked up like that. At least I've got my cat right? Pretty sure she cares",3.9907557502738236,4.553690277108436,4.867743702081054,87.04182365826946,70.92771084337348,7.482146768893758,27.74151150054764,7.348242739294969,1.28964578313253,630,21,137,6,11,205,101,166,0.23,0.6609999999999999,0.108,-0.9757,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,15,14,6,0,7,0,12,8,0,0,2,36,30,18,1,10,15,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,5,1,0,1,5,9,1,0,1,0,18,5,16,24,4,18,0,2,0,5,4,11,5,9,6,95,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.12129040110611138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465271868470668,0.08690738231178499,0.0,0.1022811677604666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25344657287500233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008521973925336,0.0,0.0,0.08209324601093716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5745266222717136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940712449146104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271194843683955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661128618703837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049217803400449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072246176849967,0.12457255722071325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538968698894227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185345112645747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216044042873768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691907794118829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011979052487197,0.0,0.12644895808679948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494710817854401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228821987102905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568553205766518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039131106514085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714310012799113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172721877100648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438564899203868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331024203674874,0.09865666617802983,0.0,0.0,0.1117528253328281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829298910959524,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kyuubi333,2019/03/29,Goodbye internet. I wanted to write some big inspirational long post but..... I imagine you more or less know how I feel about me and the world in general. So I just want to say goodbye. This friday I will finally know if there is something after you log out.,2.504200000000001,4.877469020000003,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,78.8,7.2,26.0,8.238735603445708,1.8696,201,8,39,4,5,66,42,50,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.5965,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,17,7,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137204920654355,0.0,0.0,0.4146089163565022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160080047922466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33494497122285016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36248147086604826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009843573429779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913742054119892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4464773944956521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gilded_unicorn,2019/03/29,"Lost I don’t know what to do anymore. My anxiety and depression make existing a battle. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because of my dog.


My boyfriend makes it all worse. He just always tells me I’m doing this wrong, not doing enough of that, etc. I’ve been controlled in some form, by everyone in my life. 



I just want to be free. I don’t think I’ll be able to by staying alive. I’m tired of being miserable, of having nothing worth living for. 


I want to die but I’m scared.
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suicidewatch,themightythrowawaaay,2019/03/29,"please / remember me / for all my uphill clawing Hey.

I really relate to the post about feeling destined for suicide. I've tried fighting it for so many years, but it just doesn't feel right to keep fighting it.

I spent the first twenty years of my life in a really abusive situation. My dad was screaming and breaking things all the time, threatening to shoot heroin and drink alcohol or leave with all the money and never come back, threatening to throw me down our twelve stairs into the basement, saying I didn't deserve to eat the food in the house and that I was wasting it by eating it. 

When I was sixteen my mom admitted to me that she only stayed with him because she was terrified that if she ever left, he would murder her or somebody she loved.

I was pulled out of school because they didn't want to take me, any more, and then kept in solitary confinement from age eight to age fourteen. I was allowed to leave the house once or twice a month. For a couple of years, I had one friend who was allowed to come over every few months.

I became so afraid of my father's abuse that I stopped speaking at home from age fifteen to almost twenty-one just to cope and try to avoid his wrath, and even after the solitary confinement thing ended, home was usually the only place I was able to be, so I spent most of my time in silent fear. Sometimes my mother would try to ask me a question and I'd have to mouth my answer to her where my dad couldn't see me do it.

I spent the same six years starving myself diligently in my room until he'd leave to run an errand, or go into his room for the night, and then I'd silently open my door, silently pad into the kitchen, silently work open the fridge or a cupboard (the trick with the fridge is pushing your index finger slowly into the rubber part of the door and then slowly running your finger down the inside so you break the seal slower and quieter), grab the first thing I saw, and flee to my room.

Whenever I did this at night, I had to pause every few steps and hold my breath to listen for any sign that he might be coming. I felt like a mouse born to a hungry feral cat.

When I was fifteen, I met a guy who saw that I was broken and vulnerable. He asked me to ""date"" him and then raped me instead. He made me promise not to tell anyone, and my home life was so shitty that I just said ""Okay,"" and then kept ""dating"" him. He ended up performing a lot of abusive psychological experiments on me. He revealed it all to me when he got bored of me and left, months later.

I thought that getting out of my childhood home would be the start of a bright new future, but I've just been passed around from traumatic situation to traumatic situation for the five years since I left.

I can't tell you how many times I've been raped, molested, and abused. And this is all just the tip of the iceberg.

My body is constantly tense. My psyche is broken. I don't know how to function or make myself vulnerable enough to form healthy relationships. 

Last night, I found out that my best friend of five years didn't feel capable of being life partners any more. My trauma was too much for them. Just months ago, they had wanted to marry me. If my relationship with them can't survive my trauma responses, I don't think any relationship can.

I thought I had finally found one thing that would just stay good. One person I could trust and let my guard down with. 

It's all over, now. I'm broken beyond repair. I should have known this day would come. 

I've been researching different suicide methods for continuous hours. I've never felt more knowledgeable about what can and can't kill you, and I've been entertaining this idea for more than ten years.

I've never really told anyone all of this, but I wanted to leave a little bit of it behind somewhere so that someone might understand how hard my life has been and why I couldn't withstand it. 

The ones who know me well know me as an exuberant goofball, ready to go the extra mile to help someone or make them smile. They know me as someone who never talks about themself. They have no idea how excruciating it is for me just to exist.

So I'm relieved to imagine that maybe just one person will read all of this and understand what led to my death.

Thank you for your time.",5.774061757719713,5.891803669833733,5.916792399049883,82.63598669833729,66.93349168646081,8.683743467933493,28.478954869358677,8.302211771458257,1.7710042945368167,3358,98,675,41,50,1066,357,842,0.183,0.733,0.083,-0.9986,4,1,3,1,6,2,85.0,1,7,7,6,37,29,8,3,40,1,62,18,5,10,13,143,114,59,5,14,22,5,9,1,3,9,5,5,10,4,39,44,6,9,26,3,4,15,17,15,1,13,44,18,103,14,104,52,24,116,0,0,4,3,70,37,0,15,60,462,142,5,0.05248234380745368,0.24873198174185696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046522431181883726,0.05608766463022583,0.05255348626430872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275917394129087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339375013089154,0.0,0.0,0.04672041289166908,0.09812781372864993,0.0,0.0,0.04035568284618239,0.0,0.06398549932304018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055076981922620234,0.0,0.0572971266298661,0.058296052672588874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808355683432567,0.0,0.05671476896164185,0.0,0.041902881003068805,0.05807071519281449,0.0,0.0338467699998326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483287898131897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141271669434208,0.0,0.10740507989304043,0.0,0.0,0.09296755805693424,0.054228290567916455,0.0,0.03466409311205027,0.04747328464472942,0.08843727640541488,0.0,0.0,0.051337802815904325,0.0,0.059057227743491925,0.0796099498411163,0.0,0.1007825607714273,0.05749184232436685,0.0,0.08928290966400468,0.06346185845480448,0.11508836218661453,0.08109545727511194,0.0,0.02741985851053609,0.0,0.05965385088372716,0.0440196999777556,0.04197492469616918,0.0,0.0,0.0519657716317184,0.0,0.0,0.04701387146859076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035177808773808474,0.0,0.2105762799505209,0.0,0.05168453688724391,0.12111515667887887,0.0,0.11849235597154242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664871859410123,0.05806393751680134,0.0,0.11537169449884747,0.042780114928192205,0.0,0.2222848969594875,0.17106666032419174,0.0536667523307033,0.14827932607401748,0.025640222198739147,0.05260109610149545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04461861191872208,0.04736736433373427,0.04966006268059822,0.07006474404710772,0.10641771838234687,0.052725568461046035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135094612737713,0.0,0.061466686763585215,0.16756362446537235,0.0,0.03858056139435282,0.0,0.16191047591270222,0.050687774687422936,0.0,0.147753373235472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055891983316530384,0.17781697208832034,0.0798303748211104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056833263976403765,0.0,0.0,0.09165111654859866,0.05483287898131897,0.057609853348527786,0.0,0.0,0.050263577907756186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587922362129796,0.0,0.05249654627503818,0.0,0.10086459999081862,0.0,0.0,0.16903918884099198,0.05945226471235705,0.044819634852910746,0.04992272729669072,0.04173606628272406,0.0,0.053114933831755036,0.04182163310258171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04341393713510211,0.17697706009075292,0.0,0.0,0.13340435878923768,0.0,0.05190637999562801,0.0,0.037147273072056834,0.111878391001409,0.0,0.043877589426824584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148143317925289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039460191034929815,0.042183319956581034,0.09174376348131164,0.04831869095263682,0.0,0.0,0.1394677487909533,0.03362856676765358,0.0,0.08333023729685453,0.12241150690382055,0.0,0.0,0.05014912858945564,0.0,0.10689619924120576,0.0,0.0,0.10927194158564676,0.0,0.0,0.05780188705422614,0.0,0.09286633844483022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04718792995900955,0.0,0.04735715217984247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820777135352425,0.0,0.0,0.1864097562440454,0.0,0.0,0.23657836097537654
suicidewatch,Somers81,2019/03/29,"Committing suicide because I've been unemployed Every place I've applied for will come back with the same response,
""we just hired"" or ""no not at the moment"". I've asked the same shops and also different places whether they have positions and they constantly say they need people but never get back to me. It's fucking me up socially as I'm too broke to go out and socialize and can't even afford what i need and want. I'm in this shit place right now and it's really fucking up my anxiety. Any, just any job I'd do it for money, the city I'm in is so low on employment. Retail, fast food, I've applied to them all. I'm currently on a benefits program which makes me do volunteer work which takes up my 40 hours a week in exchange for $115. I'm always living on the edge and it's the biggest shitshow to be in. This may not sound suicidal but it fucking is. I've been in this endless cycle for 3 years and I'm going to end my life today.

Get out of it once and for all

P.s story would be way longer that this, I just can't be asses writing it all. You get the point, im killing myself because society's a cunt",2.5949267139479915,3.77595720425532,4.3646453900709234,87.02361111111112,74.82978723404256,7.775413711583925,26.247044917257682,8.344100000000001,1.6240165484633569,873,31,189,15,18,296,136,235,0.128,0.8270000000000001,0.046,-0.9702,7,0,0,0,0,3,24.0,1,1,4,1,10,9,6,0,10,0,15,7,2,1,5,37,36,16,3,4,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,15,14,1,0,0,1,4,3,6,8,0,0,2,2,15,1,27,28,5,38,0,2,0,4,11,21,6,2,13,114,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000985309285142,0.1041515994592787,0.0,0.0,0.17024000077350054,0.0,0.09575482902820152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701720193433772,0.0,0.0,0.19249625195434525,0.0,0.15260513427636999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782300865404568,0.0,0.13526447436393044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307761750433199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108636084013182,0.0,0.0,0.08267370951074547,0.0,0.10546125750108117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135625311024414,0.0,0.0,0.34715338508763544,0.1961887256070542,0.0,0.14227417181279567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326739300524228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520525102570316,0.0,0.12421206873381553,0.0,0.1384822354301074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841138502214921,0.0,0.0,0.11052754361945688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355205309383483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185624173744396,0.09653894311531848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330213422153364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677722785686855,0.0,0.3923285251299597,0.0,0.11832625882460518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018720901965698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068946318667462,0.0,0.09954033439806506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848536946863076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25519042809868464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738316760113403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411238194851924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864667496821693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382860282441665,0.09935424602182708,0.10040395140114293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112536652044016,0.0,0.0,0.08891728964535751,0.0,0.0,0.0806054785302866
suicidewatch,Hcalnanyah,2019/03/29,"How to make this easier on my husband My husband isn't very good at dealing with emotional/mental stuff. I don't think he'll miss me, but I'm worried he'll feel guilty or confused. I don't want him to feel that way. Somehow I have to tell him it's not his fault. If I could see into the future and know that the trajectory of his life would be better once I'm gone, then I could go in peace. 

I wish I had never met him and had never inflicted myself on him.",2.574657142857145,3.177952980000004,4.3774285714285694,89.12300000000002,74.2,7.314285714285713,23.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,0.7407714285714277,358,9,83,4,7,122,70,100,0.121,0.7020000000000001,0.177,0.7776,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,10,1,0,2,2,23,26,7,0,6,4,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,3,17,2,10,16,0,12,0,1,1,0,13,5,0,4,4,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037526773723339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678798894213948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375120009370985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329744307417891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093044882199584,0.1932320877768968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661100262857405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272443795569075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378065705375146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35536702100846057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534752921310826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358329299688414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26373035614519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013625600238308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761841104646678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900878969676435,0.13588428567935446,0.18286518007112898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649260061735062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339624047654969,0.0,0.16365557420528273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OddAdviceGiver,2019/03/29,"I just a call from a friend. I am in doubt of reality now. Ok, this friend gave me a call. I don't want to hear the whole ""it's ok"" or ""wait it out for 24 hours"" or god knows what, because I've been in a dark place myself. But this person, he has his shit planned out.  He wanted to just run through last things with me.
 
Now OK, that's messed up, but my pop told me when HE was going to kill himself and I was a kid, like holy shit, and that took a lot of dealing with.
 
But this guy has it all planned out. Like really thought out. It actually started to make sense the more I talked to him.
 
WTF do I do? I know what y'all will say, call a cop, call this or that person, but the arguments were... I don't know how else to explain it. It even made ME doubt things.
 
This isn't a throw-away account. This person didn't want to take anyone else out with them. I told him to just wait until a day or so but I swear to all that I hold dear that he actually made sense.
 
If I posted the audio, I had to share it with a few people because I had to record it, it's damn near scary. So what do I do? There was never a direct thing about him killing himself or harming others. ",0.19832020997375466,1.797833838582676,2.0099409448818903,99.50236548556431,82.66141732283464,5.020734908136483,17.66994750656168,5.7366,-0.7149548556430451,881,18,226,5,24,290,128,254,0.199,0.7140000000000001,0.087,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,1,2,12,18,5,2,15,3,19,2,2,4,3,46,40,18,2,4,14,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,5,27,11,0,3,5,0,1,3,5,9,0,0,15,3,29,9,31,24,6,23,0,0,0,0,32,10,3,9,11,152,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.218476948558306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782718975348173,0.1146969993296128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517245266868296,0.0,0.0,0.13647664652086322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572179690732364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219282046732073,0.1154064732791068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870250357136133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393611416135458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297100396304851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361876993069851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083939831992802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616588050220465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023954405267827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24769272913172516,0.0,0.18455988624631828,0.09124702760699477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937764270829636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516841458624536,0.0,0.2118429610573802,0.07472162761921808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633596292498501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760594103494774,0.2932282431671557,0.116954740083744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720873678515787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171240622252684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902014402484486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298120890259989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923256534537271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841658594602958,0.08997410519101419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310629971847706,0.0,0.0,0.08886881762574105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139292486029868,0.12437080433717528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807747973700984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249783644955682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KittyButt42,2019/03/29,"It's almost time I asked the SO if he would be better if I left. He didn't respond, just gave me a hopeless look...which leads me to believe he would be better.

I've suffered from depression almost my entire life. For the past 10 years I've also suffered from an incurable disease that causes me to have a constant horrible headache along with nausea and vomiting. 10 years of this shit. I feel like I'm nothing but an anchor around his neck and that he might be happy if I were gone. Hell...I'M tired of this existence and its just not fair to make him deal with all of this shit too. Not-so-funny coincidence I was diagnosed the same day we got married...which is coming up on April 1st. We always wanted to have fun on our anniversary so we thought pulling pranks on each other would be the best way to celebrate.

I'm going to tie up loose ends until I get my next prescription of pain killers. Then I'm going to crush them and take them all at once (since they have that coating to make them extended release) while he's at work. That gives me roughly 3 weeks to change my mind. This time is not a cry for help. It's doubtful I will change my mind about this. I've been thinking about this a lot...especially after I got that diagnosis 10 years ago.

Why don't I do it now? For one thing he keeps my meds under lock and key to make sure I don't do what I am now planning. On refill day I'm the one that pics up my meds so I will have unfettered access to them for a few hours while he's at work. The 3 weeks gives me a chance to close accounts, make a will, write a couple of letters, tie up loose ends, clear my browser history, etc...

I had 10 years of his love. I hope he can forgive me for doing this. I just can't deal with this pain anymore. I just want it to stop. Please make it stop.",2.5863239904112088,3.836524943850268,3.669066937119677,91.72735294117649,74.96256684491979,6.762898764521482,23.324359210768947,7.237678284180719,0.6557152129817441,1395,39,315,15,29,451,191,374,0.147,0.718,0.135,-0.4495,0,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,4,0,5,7,14,19,2,1,16,0,30,10,3,7,4,58,59,17,0,9,10,0,2,1,0,7,6,0,0,0,23,16,0,3,4,0,1,6,6,9,0,2,10,2,41,10,47,38,7,49,0,4,0,1,32,15,2,8,28,191,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151949523463525,0.0,0.1841749695469512,0.0,0.0,0.0735426375587041,0.07652043700484655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912024107947306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186641109086584,0.08597282687531672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361061141171686,0.09650931069843832,0.16266729005042085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447115312759764,0.1945689490540864,0.07921783039549747,0.0,0.0993791429348684,0.0,0.0,0.10175511619169043,0.10101684451469116,0.1186168278661927,0.1896192680515758,0.07920744602112223,0.0933403311049874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290353305845998,0.0,0.10256285863596457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046499167260699865,0.06569826022580925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804678019609706,0.1764382420826418,0.1045291849394431,0.0,0.1471021434957169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789613676369792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164074279544725,0.0,0.0,0.09133983492721068,0.09056485767073814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174078388694601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991787794137848,0.0,0.06495606263582825,0.044928390848134346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722561118368007,0.0,0.0,0.07818350480145797,0.08300003961497038,0.0,0.30692949741458825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042999330564535,0.0,0.0,0.09755802407138196,0.18571247426029197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780350719288268,0.0,0.0,0.08824081039640698,0.0,0.0,0.0979374067922846,0.12463277984866625,0.0,0.1957098583417636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778892183311328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094756542607644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879703569627512,0.07607259877639118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377007827485076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667387379282403,0.0,0.06914459913871396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061096014299531876,0.05892606466858227,0.0,0.07300821033690122,0.1072485250684449,0.1056977385297565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848411317562948,0.07299580960203812,0.14753406146648226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298214524424707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390006307290914,0.0,0.0,0.19598325603082567,0.0,0.0,0.2368841755342937
suicidewatch,pShErMaN42WaLaByWaY,2019/03/29,"A friend’s suicide stopped me from being suicidal I attempted suicide about six months ago. Things got better, but the thought that it was likely that I would eventually end up killing myself never really went away. 

A friend of mine killed himself a few days ago. We hung out a lot, but we weren’t really that close, and I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but still I am overwhelmingly and deeply saddened. MANY of my other friends are in the same boat. 

Me, and I’m sure him and anyone else who has attempted suicide was convinced that nobody, or at least very few people ACTUALLY cared about me. I was convinced that my suicide wouldn’t have a profound effect on many people. 

The experience of being so deeply sad about losing someone who objectively played such a small part in my life made me realize that there actually probably is a lot of people who really care about me and whose lives have been positively touched by me, even if they never told me it. He must have had no idea how many people loved him. 

This experience has shifted my view on suicide substantially, which I so desperately needed. We all hear over and over again about how we shouldn’t be suicidal because there’s so many people who care, but we never really believe it—that’s the whole point. Within my grief I have found comfort and hopefully you can find comfort in this as well. ",6.977558139534885,7.206285670542637,6.942806201550387,75.92118604651166,64.3875968992248,10.135813953488373,31.92868217054264,9.888512548439397,2.9385919379844965,1085,38,201,21,15,346,146,258,0.223,0.599,0.17800000000000002,-0.9639,1,0,0,0,0,6,21.0,5,1,1,5,17,23,2,1,12,0,24,2,0,4,6,44,39,19,10,7,6,0,1,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,18,14,0,1,6,1,0,1,8,6,1,1,14,4,32,17,25,18,9,30,0,4,2,1,23,16,0,5,14,150,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.15206199360382075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812879892714727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447797060897668,0.07983018114051715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320100784333024,0.0,0.0,0.047494509345886414,0.0,0.0,0.087780286600249,0.0,0.0689069446968683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383098175451188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024687627955319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508558447951791,0.0,0.0690070188044835,0.0,0.0,0.051460224947689724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242602035985114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121027240224398,0.0,0.0,0.08542662558400445,0.1805841476996104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231344521389798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781262938971643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738432172810521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795330766575828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723964493347432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503163929743909,0.03806392966320482,0.0,0.06879783538482176,0.06894978047044836,0.0,0.08716374074416983,0.0,0.13247620809055127,0.07031873633370149,0.07372233821895607,0.0,0.3159626711521697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218871629040763,0.0,0.0,0.05777085480465896,0.1802719059659761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437124084808299,0.0,0.2700722933734437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365214325530309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400245031436783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996500139402904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066014692207155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222072510937447,0.06513802668277033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5965625475206514,0.0,0.07343125746121715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176135506077458,0.0,0.0,0.061853525813860034,0.045431187692506265,0.0,0.0,0.07444837601266661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428566423182591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005235886763496,0.07222532211608851,0.0,0.08698610717491445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534653947388505,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyWaifuAsuna,2019/03/29,Pessimistic about my life Lately I've been having suicidal thoughts almost everyday. I'm only 18 and I know I am still young but I can't help but stop these thoughts.,1.1381818181818204,3.7702106969696985,2.002181818181821,92.46327272727272,93.54545454545456,5.064242424242424,21.75151515151515,6.742157984588678,0.790035151515152,135,5,26,2,5,42,27,33,0.226,0.703,0.071,-0.6193,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,8,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,1,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33089184858955345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148959092749174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160333396168749,0.0,0.3727551295160895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334023097225356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25131748791415426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638929375635512,0.2762659094408303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614520100563299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246711155162418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Onlyone1248,2019/03/29,"I’m just going to do it I’ve come to terms with my utterly useless life, no one wants me around. Im completely useless",-0.06820512820512903,2.043201923076925,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,87.46153846153845,6.543589743589743,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.4167589743589741,94,4,21,2,3,33,22,26,0.302,0.698,0.0,-0.8248,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820422252350252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696822152005074,0.4499647263366188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439007761800125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635650343081684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031274778169226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908090382621161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531289172690389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Glamster8,2019/03/29,Need addice What should i do to fall asleep and never Wake up? ,-0.4269230769230781,1.80982207692308,0.560384615384617,102.6221153846154,97.46153846153842,2.6,6.5,3.1291,-2.555123076923077,49,0,11,0,2,15,13,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6930550927420817,0.7208846221305215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,compassionatevillain,2019/03/29,"What's the most effective, least painful way? I get the feeling it's aging gracefully by developing good coping skills but I'm not sure I'm into it

I'm just fucking tired and feel like this would just make everyone's life easier.",3.467173913043478,5.529261586956526,4.799347826086958,81.1364130434783,74.43478260869566,8.947826086956523,26.71739130434783,9.516144504307137,2.565626086956522,187,7,36,5,4,62,36,46,0.127,0.565,0.308,0.7659999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,2,1,13,9,2,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,8,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031319594666792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208074366348437,0.2266329882451916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932789573312617,0.16574237025417732,0.0,0.0,0.26608194967116644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240727003911808,0.1549851615547127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117570509190941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375607654798493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989905509360441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646153528483725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518066445386328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253548815835043,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darkcloud7813,2019/03/29,"Currently being overwhelmed I’m 24, a university student and I have awful anxiety and right now I’m being completely overwhelmed.

I’m scared to confide in my friends because I don’t want burden them and I also don’t want my emotions validated.

I’m short 250$ on rent and I have no idea how I’m going to get that money. I currently owe a credit card company 1,281$ and they are coming after me.

I’m being denied financial aid and I can’t afford to pay my own tuition. My classes are going okay but the financial aid is really stressing me out.

I’m not going to lie, a lot of my anxiety right now is coming from money issues. It may seem stupid and unnecessary but a few minutes ago I held a razor to my wrist. I couldn’t do it and just began sobbing uncontrollably and now I’m here.",3.4331481481481485,4.619565216049384,5.918209876543213,76.67694444444446,72.76543209876544,8.609876543209879,28.314814814814817,9.075114841892004,2.4746074074074067,623,24,118,13,12,223,92,162,0.187,0.74,0.07200000000000001,-0.9632,5,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,7,11,1,5,6,2,15,1,1,1,0,25,35,13,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,12,0,1,2,0,7,5,6,8,0,0,2,0,18,3,11,28,3,19,0,3,0,0,3,6,1,3,8,76,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020811453653093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257436352312848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110391379198819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392630713561795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502400453329099,0.2131501863903182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286787041037359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570646576475197,0.0,0.10621287145815247,0.0,0.34661047540393924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22949449882724834,0.0,0.2121864124463007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283352831829635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302355224211711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472244113589678,0.0,0.0,0.2035330408254828,0.0,0.0,0.18507147874185914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328729126784693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398164688861042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AshleyCountryG6,2019/03/29,"I dislike my stepdad, my mom is more important in my life Am i allowed to post videos here? It refers to my step dad and he picks on me and calls me names and say stuff that is not true about me so he is making my depression worst, it just makes me want me to explode and snap on him well i posted videos on Facebook saying stuff that is not true. I want my stepdad to leave me alone is why i don't feel safe to myself.",1.8914285714285728,2.9227192417582444,3.0953846153846136,96.0246153846154,76.36263736263736,6.079120879120879,21.791208791208792,6.18269132825596,0.025303296703296674,325,8,79,2,7,105,55,91,0.206,0.727,0.068,-0.931,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,4,2,19,12,5,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,3,19,4,10,12,2,7,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,0,54,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191172646896368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603125255202046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222039941952856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697348868767564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401651072944068,0.0,0.0,0.14943443164502682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282442211797143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24778206496660765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052410755275059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364895435764133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843820187454362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24957272865817465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022210798044728,0.0,0.1909042698720991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mushroomsmakememushy,2019/03/29,"Male Pattern Baldness is killing me I know this may seem like a silly thing, but I've been majorly depressed ever since I started losing my hair. I'm on all the medications I can be to prevents it and I know I've still got a relatively large amount of hair left. But every time I look in the mirror I get so sad. All I can think about is ending it so I don't have to deal with it anymore. I have good days and bad days, but every week or so I fall into a massive funk where all I can think about is how I'm going to end it. I've gotten close so many times. I just want to be free of this self hatred. I've been to a couple therapists about this and I've tried to follow their advice and just embrace it, but when I think I've gotten there, there's always something that sets off my suicidal thoughts again. I'm stuck in a cycle of self loathing and suicidal thoughts.",2.0745585585585573,3.4444356270270298,3.5713513513513497,91.42477477477478,76.51351351351352,6.230630630630633,22.603603603603602,6.742157984588678,0.44237657657657614,681,19,153,6,15,225,104,185,0.232,0.685,0.083,-0.99,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,17,9,1,0,7,0,14,4,3,1,4,31,35,16,3,1,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,10,8,0,1,8,0,1,3,1,5,0,0,8,3,17,5,18,24,5,24,0,3,1,0,5,8,0,3,13,93,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132830626187684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034165489809545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434316043573909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075791039797867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600275633041724,0.0,0.1865455285269222,0.14910458833662246,0.12456744247069175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561940512148411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082384190579882,0.2437097907512477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556189258246324,0.0,0.08219513369980448,0.12130667413740776,0.11567181317985978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000888581804798,0.0,0.15896696883809405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571381876009126,0.0,0.0,0.0706576846422151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145066356288987,0.16180116346975204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662957145070446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569697738474746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166343216961024,0.30175602166581544,0.0,0.0,0.11963735163417738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113413052113832,0.0,0.0,0.1023680795626144,0.0,0.11549969779494333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163979931734792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792365935703146,0.09608407578772314,0.2780143612509785,0.0,0.22963613897119955,0.16866690125278666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819256995112842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530503889360083,0.0,0.11601144612902105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,masentunutpaska,2019/03/29,Idk what is wrong with me Like I don’t know if this is because i wanna die or just because i’m so dead already buy so today i like had big big big cravings for drugs to od with or just try or idk why i wanted drugs i just want/need them right now,-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210515,1.3641228070175444,102.20302631578949,86.89473684210527,3.8,16.517543859649123,3.1291,-1.2448456140350883,192,4,50,0,6,64,39,57,0.244,0.6709999999999999,0.084,-0.8754,0,0,2,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,12,7,6,3,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,4,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27668269483585034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568083747754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602143036131235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5815257902858642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779261148514446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24498440045770034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411888103125204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376592055056821,0.0,0.0,0.1702266922606301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957697229281082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22624147802302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27412983756744114,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadthrowaway194825,2019/03/29,What is it like talking to a therapist? I see a lot of people here and on other message boards saying therapy helps. What is it like? What do they talk about?,0.6740625000000016,3.101463281250002,2.64875,90.32125,88.0625,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,0.7385374999999996,123,4,25,2,4,41,26,32,0.0,0.762,0.238,0.7987,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,2,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201434915628776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236413774535044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28159718955455604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296309650968628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26340485422735155,0.0,0.0,0.2639448839359164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324551273577158,0.0,0.0,0.3787867245771673,0.3845798563633698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FUCKUSERNAME2,2019/03/29,whats the other sub similar to suicide watch except they let you actaully endorse suicide ,8.648125,9.9117925625,8.350000000000005,63.69500000000001,60.875,8.9,47.25,8.841846274778883,5.223325000000001,75,5,9,1,1,24,15,16,0.386,0.515,0.099,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234473364258205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.905920721296228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oldbutyoungwasp,2019/03/29,"I'm just not worth the space I take up. I want to start by saying that I'm not clinically diagnosed with any mental illness.
I'm in my 3rd year of university in a foreign country and have hardly made any progress at all. 
I kind of think my suicide is inevitable because what's the point of being here if I have no talent, no passion, no extraordinary beauty?
And to make it worse, I'm black in a predominantly white country.
Why should I breathe the air if I have no value? ",3.776517857142857,4.948709687500006,5.368988095238095,80.99625000000003,71.91666666666666,7.5690476190476215,29.339285714285715,7.957251820313856,1.863653571428572,374,15,76,5,7,127,65,96,0.199,0.6509999999999999,0.149,-0.6474,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,6,5,1,2,1,14,16,4,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,12,13,1,10,0,0,2,1,1,8,0,2,2,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35953883351211097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114741458056248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683131956461392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680877438611206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27528344708327473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501376341062786,0.17645798619836106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664061094371801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498994647459663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022448046450315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711073845209725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28915977715123675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876090149832695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938702199689934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155922518906917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385378786262557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939875842396666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702349600199008
suicidewatch,Strange_Candidate,2019/03/29,"I've made a noose Hello 
I don't know why i decided to come on here but I'm really scared. I've wrote suicide notes to my family and put them to the side and now I'm staring at the noose I've hung up and I want to kill myself and I'm so sad and scared. 
I feel so alone in this world.

I went to my psychiatrist two days ago and told him I'm feeling suicidal and unmotivated so I asked him to give me a higher dose of my medication instead of adding any new ones in and he got his phone out and googled if i could go any higher?! And he sat and laughed said no I couldn't. He said he'd see me in a few months and I feel like i wasn't listened to or even cared about. I can't go any longer like this I'm a 21 year old female whos been seeing psychologists and therapists since i was 10 and nothing has changed. Im so sorry for the long story
Im sorry.",-0.6792178633111271,1.1480482383419712,2.117601776461881,96.24967184801382,87.34196891191709,5.541475450283741,17.4806316308907,6.868970318607317,-0.22415548976067126,662,16,169,9,21,231,112,193,0.224,0.693,0.084,-0.9873,0,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,9,8,1,2,7,0,9,2,0,1,0,29,37,21,3,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,16,0,0,5,0,0,5,5,4,0,2,11,9,23,4,18,23,1,22,0,1,3,0,18,9,0,2,10,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496453768096135,0.0,0.0,0.13432227195614138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645859537259233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212449398318498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223010316798028,0.0,0.13719742259621984,0.11171856770327222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354887351403216,0.0,0.0,0.08364090539059896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566064450020634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226250585589712,0.0,0.1967292088091144,0.09265231698950238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441282218375613,0.14741442382760306,0.0,0.1037269052647318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28018021717456826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434854878167828,0.0,0.07127558245867267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672236666182815,0.0,0.0,0.11477374300734584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271813837419855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065150579983145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351928161005748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525778285820796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244434100409661,0.0,0.13609041670077066,0.0,0.08788296513584923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037674029341134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308430873546077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24673445121551224,0.0,0.2596895484033103,0.0,0.2066961933224753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728294039781183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903601744246301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283724995412893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150582938288951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392670023734573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669068515752852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764959711849787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022620670601837,0.1170272698122152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351768998891307
suicidewatch,newuserneedanon,2019/03/29,"Don't deserve to be here anymore Tired of fighting these feelings... Grief & regret

I lost my partner 6 months ago due to an accidental overdose. I cant stop feeling if I had done things differently he would still be here.

We were together for 16 years, he relapsed 2yrs ago and lost control. Found out he was hiding a ton of stuff for a over a year back. Suspected cheating in addition to the drugs and felt like he was living a double life. Couldn't prove anything, he would never admit it, so I got caught up in my own insecurities around this. Before this I was going to therapy and attending phone naranom/codependency mtgs. I didnt want to leave on suspicion alone..

Fast forward a couple months... I couldn't tolerate watching him deteriorate further and the lies had me paranoid. I tried to leave over and over during the last 3 months, but it never stuck, I wanted to believe him but couldn't ignore what was in front of me. He was cheating and twisting/manipulating things and I didnt know what to believe. I said horrible things out of anger, resentment, and confusion...

Obviously I loved him, I was just extremely hurt but I should have had the strength to walk away or get him the help he needed. I feel like our fighting drove him more toward the addiction to cope.. I know I'm not responsible for his actions, it's my own I hate...




",3.87607822410148,5.947727608527131,4.854178999295282,81.14809725158564,73.30232558139534,7.79168428470754,28.393939393939394,8.575989854853784,2.2125829457364343,1065,43,200,20,22,347,155,258,0.21,0.6920000000000001,0.097,-0.9748,1,1,1,0,4,0,40.0,2,0,0,4,7,19,7,2,12,0,24,5,0,1,4,47,47,14,1,11,7,0,4,2,1,3,4,1,0,1,12,13,0,3,10,0,0,8,10,15,0,0,22,6,30,4,30,17,5,37,0,5,1,1,23,15,0,3,18,135,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073558736176394,0.0,0.0,0.2126119609361143,0.0,0.0,0.12420578647148628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299383253839785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893304384035346,0.0,0.0,0.09868778178079353,0.1067583781445928,0.0,0.0,0.11267317127892262,0.09221466555883606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204705780036644,0.2702280626570349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345057101929804,0.0,0.13269436179976285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529575118733968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227245701565103,0.0,0.0,0.1390745388667296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191254321567565,0.08567420527136517,0.1151464859499882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149120619770185,0.0,0.0,0.06265568821762325,0.0,0.06815595128828261,0.0,0.09591471063611888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840077948260964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038297564022777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838183517238652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181492014047114,0.0977546088293982,0.0,0.253965810837947,0.0,0.0,0.08470633810932174,0.11717826824653248,0.0,0.10589567709947102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26182387867159035,0.0,0.10823669313408857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871681724875543,0.0,0.0,0.08892262019488302,0.18498659090555114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140758197301773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577199308992967,0.10026239055214783,0.0,0.0,0.13728505071505795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371443069794292,0.0,0.2390178576587664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137835761805455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814209760750874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141469350161569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038208367796145,0.0,0.0,0.15445510589251826
suicidewatch,moxmxn,2019/03/29,"what is the point of life hey  guys just wanna tell you this .. my mind is so fucked lately ,  because i'm letting go of religion  and honestly i don't see the point from life anymore, like nothing makes sense , also i'm not really suicidal but since i start believing that there's no point i feel like why not ?i feel like everyone is stupid and no one is actually thinking, they just follow blindly.

and i also felt like maybe i can do it or maybe i can fucking take some people with me maybe people i hate

also i watched some jordan peterson's videos they kinda helped few months ago 

i saw Elon musk planning to go to mars and how happy they were when their rocket worked ,,,that gave me some kind of purpose or a goal  but it's gone again 

i really need to understand what the hell is the point or why does it matter if i'm here or not  

also maybe suggest a book or something that would help a lot 

thanks",1.9067632850241552,4.05725508695652,3.1466666666666683,90.70944444444444,79.65217391304347,6.262801932367151,21.09178743961353,7.3871296695380915,0.6475794685990333,712,20,149,10,18,230,112,184,0.123,0.732,0.145,0.1394,0,0,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,1,4,3,12,13,5,0,7,0,12,5,0,2,0,35,35,19,1,4,13,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,5,2,0,4,6,5,0,1,5,7,19,8,9,28,5,14,1,0,4,2,12,4,3,11,10,91,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.1032026861909658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374639087498594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33829242081108896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488162158628347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446792952863467,0.0,0.0,0.11915089572429377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254786510900002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105447396777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694691121028564,0.15110434050672308,0.101542429054518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553959807517088,0.0,0.0,0.12020724369025924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471515386763317,0.0,0.11257932198654602,0.0,0.10441224194921904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177215281557126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012869125549606,0.0,0.0,0.11929747344615214,0.0,0.0,0.1081427649667698,0.14939730478044516,0.20666833020545208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899100439716629,0.0,0.0,0.0705930098140891,0.0,0.4249848191063445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678350100338424,0.0,0.0844135003077676,0.0,0.0,0.0784167990710765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147581849884237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166306208042493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663591069053894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39989474542720266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355001157645221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427390968749726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748252867907315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141620316123477,0.0,0.0,0.07485470326643137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567999514247355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951541651595087,0.0,0.09243548212298153,0.09736599686513046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776423081676028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100958170856054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908568398595004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699169146526412,0.0,0.0,0.07512609048071484,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aidanjmh,2019/03/29,HELP PLEASE My girlfriend is fucking depressed and I️ don’t know what to do it’s killing me I️ want to help her she wasn’t like this when I️ first met her and now that we’re together she’s always on the negative side and she wants to kill her self and I️ can’t let that happen and it’s rubbing off on me,0.2584663865546233,2.1652670735294137,1.7338655462184889,99.9338235294118,84.14705882352942,5.0621848739495805,20.00840336134453,6.18269132825596,-0.23180084033613424,243,7,60,2,7,78,45,68,0.201,0.639,0.159,-0.7526,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,12,6,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,1,9,1,6,9,0,7,0,1,0,1,11,4,1,0,4,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096065976226123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696691650901848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427175469690965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328837331965051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276030899635185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33769557200688544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.557394996339491,0.0,0.13844136305399962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575917212837052,0.0,0.1230689148016744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765179676888905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627936813195173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971622582005104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LivingBurrito,2019/03/29,"To who might give a shit I dont have much longer. I plan on ending it all tonight. The pressures of life have become too much and I dont see myself going on. To my mom I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your expectations and disappointed you. To my friends, I wont be going to that brewers game after all. Sorry for wasting your money. To my coworkers, sorry for being a waste of space these past few years. My name is Jordan and this is me signing off",0.7222105263157914,2.809247589473689,2.89605263157895,91.21986842105262,83.63157894736842,5.063157894736842,18.973684210526315,6.2581,-0.06281052631578943,351,9,76,3,10,119,65,95,0.193,0.775,0.032,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,1,1,4,1,1,3,0,11,2,1,0,2,10,16,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,14,1,15,11,5,12,0,1,1,0,9,5,1,1,5,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998567788634816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241689796369336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027739048739928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980972012276974,0.0,0.0,0.1735939085682173,0.2056881723474522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781783206470415,0.0,0.0,0.15979153595814324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19197061261595452,0.0,0.21193888195580046,0.0,0.0,0.26605374317948105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274738050112473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442021789041337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575346798829834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6077117698102736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653270125446152
suicidewatch,tmatthews98,2019/03/29,"I dont know if I've been oblivious to my depression for over a decade I think im done. I cant have any more nights with shitty/no sleep. I cant keep on drinking or smoking as the only thing i looj forward to. I cant buy my way out into a better education or livelihood. 

For fucking years ive been struggeling with anxiety, dyslexia and sevre ADD. I present myself as some sort of lazy dumbass stoner. Im not. I am a cynical, unmotivated, pessimistic nihilist. I have no faith in humanity or myself. The second my face leaves the hous i have some sick hyper-friendly face that exists only to hide myself and bring in more tips or charm and interest. I live as a facade. My god the last couple of months ive been wondering id my personal outlook is just built on crippling depression and not my opinions. Ive lost myself. Im so fucking confused as to wjo im am anymore. Im so lost. 

I think about daily injureing myseld in an ""accident"" just so i have the chance to take off the mask in public and be as cynical as i want with a tangible explaination. Tonights the first night i have truely thourght about killing myself. I have done so countless times before but tonight was dufferent. I know theres more life out there. But i cant afford it. Im in tge working class in rural england with fuck all to do. Ive lived in china for half a year in 2018 which was the only point i fwlt free. But political and financial situations wont allow me to return. Same with other places. 

Tonight i feel like theres not a thing i can do. Not with money, realistic presentation of myself who is actually somewhat intelligent, i even refered myself to therapy. God knows thags not gonna do anything with the shitshow the nhs is in. I have nothing. Im a borderline alcoholic and weed addict i really want to have another option out. There is only one.",2.0079391940341296,4.366681858310631,4.059957693962428,83.15648752330421,80.55313351498637,7.132912663129213,25.73418901477126,8.20500826718156,1.9118163487738409,1450,59,280,30,38,494,193,367,0.092,0.81,0.097,0.1775,2,0,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,5,13,17,6,1,19,0,36,12,3,1,1,56,55,25,1,3,15,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,7,19,2,1,9,1,3,2,12,11,0,4,9,1,42,7,47,43,8,36,1,4,0,3,5,20,3,13,16,191,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0841772981047585,0.0940361115186659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218568613527904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865974492184235,0.09045111101054658,0.06598864920474386,0.0,0.0855467222010342,0.0,0.0,0.07098461436815051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340089030933257,0.0,0.0,0.07628994317079174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544502805936174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859119012265948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765478183592601,0.1010960550617205,0.08450194166209761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056973903778291216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043615638112719096,0.06162414751599176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337269559887241,0.0,0.0,0.06664424718560705,0.23923788681237645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995324363514983,0.0,0.0,0.6522290708244842,0.0,0.0,0.07667183433790717,0.0954338882710002,0.0,0.14221868865575588,0.0703133973147495,0.0,0.09133686470463784,0.0,0.0,0.06092797544668884,0.04214226945683874,0.0,0.15233828679738504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883259176010109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885189370288987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189829713078233,0.0,0.08276877801800057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845199541300127,0.2624184096748666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753188880282229,0.09012332043045268,0.0,0.08154356354170866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526035251075631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695983256586092,0.08632227672218955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485677037128483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864580567172776,0.0,0.11461459663902746,0.11054382533700816,0.0,0.0,0.05029888848635017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017567431846585,0.06846915768399765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354526956848666,0.06279829337066675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109719897570994
suicidewatch,worthlessinseattle,2019/03/29,"Seattle is a terrible city. If you’re a liberal, then never mind, it’s a haven. But it’s not about politics, it’s about temperament. I grew up here and it’s a ton of fake people parading as social activists who care about the greater good, but they really only care about making themselves look good or people knowing they’re a good person. Everything is so goddamn superficial. If you’re not rich and/or beautiful, and *especially* if you have a mental illness, ready to get ostracized to the point where you’ll probably get addicted to drugs or maybe even become homeless. Everyone here is so anti capitalist, but they’re so pretentious at the same time. They spend all this money on frivolous things, only to then bitch about how they deserve more. It’s a slap in the face. Moving here ruined my life. If you’re not like everyone else, if you don’t fit in, the people who pride themselves on being inclusive will be the first to bully you.",4.776432561851557,6.619899256983242,5.613188347964886,77.59157821229053,70.39664804469274,9.136632083000801,28.42817238627295,9.606745405546679,2.7894753391859544,753,28,134,18,14,246,109,179,0.199,0.659,0.142,-0.9416,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,4,3,2,14,12,1,0,13,0,9,5,1,2,2,22,16,19,0,5,13,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,9,8,18,12,5,16,0,1,1,0,11,9,1,7,6,90,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172447841868818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397294984816786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32121255817839184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267790071667664,0.0,0.1315911403056882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404315695105627,0.0,0.0,0.30104198254519565,0.1415724692322153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398988620864552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459964109637865,0.0,0.0,0.3963711272283574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657110456958762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126390315078524,0.07695829958280391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228053817969251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514853422048244,0.0,0.15825409241181826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874720389935568,0.0,0.15905439701476415,0.0,0.0,0.16742314798698207,0.0,0.0,0.12149226725009454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23960829409632226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276220502667633,0.13754393448260324,0.0,0.0,0.14891115435820118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983758099027607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091394740688342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057594318800802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465198692897078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185354701362483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garbage_bin_juice,2019/03/29,"Why am I never enough? I cant do anything right. I have no social skills and I get stressed out over fucking everything. I give in to cutting at every little problem and even though I told myself I couldn't go back to those fucking haunting suicide temptation, I just want to die. I'm fucking hurting everyone one who gave a shit about me and am just a waste of a human being. Fuck and I complain so goddamn much, like my privilaged ass deserves it",4.826666666666668,5.7239519101123575,5.57477528089888,81.51399812734084,69.2247191011236,7.7310861423220985,33.934456928838955,7.793537801064563,2.5272681647940067,356,17,66,4,6,116,69,89,0.406,0.555,0.039,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,6,1,3,0,7,6,2,0,1,11,18,6,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,10,0,1,2,0,12,1,9,14,2,9,0,1,0,5,7,6,6,0,3,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961451117238732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045693420811788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607876450955834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530261008844794,0.0,0.11205785642976944,0.0,0.1429446255876917,0.16211599228602708,0.15247814365239207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273862943124628,0.08863957751227346,0.16275191772875572,0.09642085018932428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162296119715887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288658609028755,0.17004241408931667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247185378753036,0.0,0.13085111447783745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149650081116504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234029663439112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448874543276665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415203902723586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729455018007692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434326848045771,0.0,0.0,0.18557889090735452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668864053208987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211599228602708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006899441996928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309043114838475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BilboSagginsJr123,2019/03/29,"Regarding one of my friends Hey guys, I don’t know if this is the right sub to put this in but one of my friends and I’m a very bad place and talks about a lot of dark and suicidal things. I’m extremely worried. He said something today like “yeah man I’m just gonna kill myself at 20” and then laughs(which I assume is a coping mechanism?) and “even my therapist thinks I’m a lost cause” and “now I’m trying to make myself happy with material goods”(because he and his family have a good living) . As stated I’m extremely worried for him and want to do anything I can without getting anyone involved like teachers or other adults. Sorry again if this is the wrong sub, pls point me in the right direction if so",2.1218981018981005,4.32852914685315,3.6593056943056936,87.01994755244756,79.2097902097902,6.882917082917084,24.200299700299702,7.957251820313856,1.4388425574425576,560,20,112,10,14,185,94,143,0.194,0.6459999999999999,0.16,-0.8664,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,8,1,7,0,0,2,0,23,21,16,2,4,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,1,11,6,14,18,1,13,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,6,6,67,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121174035388009,0.0,0.13195080389235228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388191633040455,0.0977452172077179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471914714474145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590678658112324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511596041578071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477652958804291,0.0,0.08377398173877057,0.0,0.0,0.1344903198776775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587673985277463,0.0,0.1706909212244031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739869953539486,0.0,0.08812177335272926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667356601638405,0.0,0.14158814262374644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503621342745446,0.13632013376918167,0.0,0.0,0.10703196345959698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730871830496806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675270716914951,0.0,0.1515784632677143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611916614678703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27386861024562603,0.15252542763105684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344191166691434,0.0,0.17949382241907452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753921109994161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887975604853855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617365303722375,0.10652652197194297,0.1027430151476503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198892318707022,0.0,0.0,0.10886416791362777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230195027220512,0.09457601611418856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456748029119682,0.0,0.0,0.32567757268753617,0.0,0.0,0.17531279184691922,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FluffyMcCatButt,2019/03/29,"I just want one person who gets it. I went to the ER yesterday. Voluntarily. My therapist told me I'm no longer allowed to see him (I had feelings for him and was stupid enough to be honest about it). So I left his office and just drove to the closest ER. I knew if I was alone, I would go buy a gun and kill myself. 

I hated being there. All my problems sound so stupid when I say them out loud and I know that's what all the people I talked to thought as well.

Being there was humiliating. They made me wear a gown (I don't know why I thought I could keep my own clothes on at the time). They kept asking me what happened and the one reason I was there was just the last straw. I can't explain my whole life so they didn't see the huge pile of loneliness and abandonment behind me. Just the one little straw. So not only was I suicidal, but I felt weak for being suicidal over something so small.

The on-call therapist showed up. It shouldn't have surprised me that he worked for the company I had been going to to see my therapist. They were close by after all, but it was an unpleasant surprise anyway.

Which gets me to the real reason I'm posting. The things he said to try and make me feel better.

""You might not see it but sooo many people care about you."" - I have 0 friends. Not exaggerating. I don't even have acquaintances. And at this point, I'm too depressed to get my ass out of bed, let alone try to pretend I'm a happy person long enough to trick someone into being my friend.

""There are good things in your future."" - people have been saying that to me my whole life and so far, it has only gotten worse. How long do I have to suffer before it's ""ok"" to kill myself?

""You seem like you're an awesome person."" - yeah because you would definitely tell me if I seemed like a jerk when I'm thinking about killing myself. (/s) I can't pay any attention to those words because they mean nothing. They are just as likely a lie as the truth.

I'm just so tired of trying to find help and always being sent to the same places.

\- Suicide hotline - they don't offer any help. They just try to keep you talking so you don't kill yourself. And I'm not saying that's all bad, but they only let you stay on for so long. Like I'm suddenly supposed to not want to kill myself after talking for a half hour. It's not really help. It's just a distraction for a while.

\- The ER - same thing. no real help. just distract you. And in my case, make you feel stupid for even being there.

\- therapy - not really helpful in acute situations. It's wonderful for learning how to deal with that coworker who chews too loudly or small shit like that. As far as wanting to kill myself, there has been no improvement. And I'm not saying it won't help in like 5 years, but what am I supposed to do NOW?

\- medication - I've been on antidepressants for over 1.5 years. they don't help. if anything, they've made me feel worse. And I've tried them all basically. Zoloft, Prozac, Pristiq, donepin, buproprion, Buspar, hydroxyzine, metoprolol. Nothing helped.

\- Exercise - I'm not even going into that. I know you all know how annoying that one is to hear.

​

I don't know what I want from this post. I guess I want another distraction. That's all there is in my life anymore. Distracting myself to keep myself alive until this magical day that everyone talks about where I suddenly don't hate my life.",1.9856222596217743,4.210383271513358,3.2496040568669997,89.68196975065327,79.78635014836794,6.338420656362108,21.48403383675096,7.487627976209742,0.7593856503830989,2631,77,546,39,67,852,282,674,0.181,0.67,0.149,-0.9804,2,2,1,1,0,7,115.0,0,11,12,2,44,43,15,4,25,2,53,14,3,10,8,109,118,44,9,13,27,0,5,6,2,5,10,9,1,3,35,20,1,5,24,3,2,6,24,25,4,5,28,18,85,18,71,75,14,58,0,3,4,1,60,29,2,9,26,364,120,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249686964859312,0.0,0.0,0.04518999259717471,0.05884450019739481,0.06599218842878597,0.07386487019534807,0.05694841993193929,0.0,0.0,0.053860595025056184,0.0,0.0,0.04469222746498777,0.0,0.05077220625135316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534630242168381,0.0662133363677848,0.0,0.046213525494747006,0.0,0.0,0.048032485966562136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537232382640685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336184891873447,0.0,0.0,0.035025241510539804,0.055990880704129234,0.046776835567587285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223280530782674,0.0,0.10761306615072028,0.0,0.0,0.05189521305570628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984239539315367,0.0,0.0521457960550941,0.0,0.049638050633106966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391902614289358,0.0,0.08512367648562387,0.0,0.09259630391230564,0.045552370963315526,0.0,0.0,0.05982821979788582,0.0,0.04802585810115509,0.05781364912178056,0.0,0.10723910241335444,0.0,0.0,0.06121094045605203,0.0,0.29122099346444497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053484080957948855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481877900819062,0.3605135913274297,0.0,0.14923585999943034,0.04426962623659486,0.0,0.0,0.059007610793052785,0.11107062573347501,0.15344209231156267,0.15919775651842422,0.05443255278666484,0.0,0.14418703560636326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277823785401677,0.07250424727784191,0.05506147687594333,0.0,0.059159147473696175,0.0,0.05471127462076865,0.0,0.05761397292205105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042231781381428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472065403486865,0.12391484437068012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112954452110602,0.1422633160494122,0.0567420415315375,0.0,0.05134018861060243,0.0,0.10402729450471647,0.0,0.0,0.051967015484223854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363257914498366,0.06958432517213875,0.11167876339646964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05166092895836318,0.17275690427884696,0.0,0.0,0.17311108856654328,0.09888296002081096,0.0,0.0,0.0557480914866105,0.0,0.061046339838184416,0.0,0.0,0.046016403585678066,0.04181023405838012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057886877605371714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782178786893607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174608208606367,0.047469041699321306,0.0,0.06210783596967656,0.1891731237116676,0.10824278618813392,0.0347994409125658,0.0,0.08623161638370093,0.031668402871209214,0.062420971555550285,0.0,0.05189521305570628,0.0,0.18436349046996856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601662400009313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488309118774087,0.05034560429624038,0.049006026050892666,0.121269604697909,0.0,0.0,0.05889651585829037,0.03953808352298579,0.0,0.11069237849715577,0.07716005671915915,0.0,0.06599218842878597,0.06994728831792063
suicidewatch,awaythrowlife69,2019/03/29,"Every time I try harder I just fail. I wanna give up. I haven't had a very good life.

I'm a college student and I'm failing my first class ever. It's gonna destroy my GPA and I thought I could bring it up and do better, but I may have to go to summer school if I can even get a grant. My graduation date gets getting pushed back further. Nothing has been easy. I don't feel like life is worth living, like I have a purpose or if I'm going anywhere in life period. 

I've had a terrible week. I got my last test grade that sealed the idea that I'm failing. Today, I dropped my phone and cracked the back with a case on, and I can't afford to fix it. I tried to make an appointment with a counselor on campus but they are booked up and full; I have no insurance nor a lot of money so I can't visit a professional off campus either. I ultimately have no one to talk to. I don't want to be a burden to my family any longer. They have two other daughters that are accomplishing goals and being better than me. I just want to quit life.",0.6211888111888122,2.5117787556561098,2.95759152612094,91.75017585355823,82.710407239819,5.647141094199919,20.000205676676266,6.7829847944221076,0.205595475113122,799,22,181,9,22,274,130,221,0.17800000000000002,0.768,0.054000000000000006,-0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,9,8,11,1,0,13,0,23,4,0,1,1,28,41,14,0,6,8,1,1,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,3,1,2,5,8,6,0,3,5,1,28,5,21,31,3,26,0,3,0,0,7,9,0,5,13,120,35,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577035538631872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391963920023047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751193143552889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418347607497048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273058736284944,0.14069193732639199,0.1310464595241444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662624957251952,0.0,0.07864407780378184,0.1111155186888369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229951987491828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24378467030032075,0.1492050681264279,0.17679029190037446,0.1304568857357241,0.12439698493222133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558211154719014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267832485857135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4394409573073732,0.151974844867629,0.0,0.1373418411124272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322318225637331,0.0,0.0,0.10382201960571297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924175134957765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539575881398908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165432528765596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741154204257046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250145856130336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234788430050631,0.09069475698925322,0.0,0.1474306968958469,0.0,0.0,0.2111985506040879,0.0,0.1519368500619136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833414646476168,0.18347926510652246,0.0,0.12476223653239815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wanttodie111,2019/03/29,"Just want everything to stop I've done everything ""right"". I take anti depressants. I work out daily. Sleep regularly. Try to take walks. I still don't feel good or normal or any will to live. It would simply be best if I died now.

The thing that stop me from doing it now is that I'm visiting my parents. As soon as I come home I'm going to do it.",-0.672162162162163,1.4955104324324324,1.966270270270272,94.14562162162164,93.32432432432432,5.662702702702703,15.508108108108113,7.1686216300943375,-0.0183956756756758,268,6,62,5,10,92,53,74,0.197,0.733,0.071,-0.8319,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,8,1,1,0,0,12,16,5,1,4,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,2,8,12,1,12,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,6,39,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406567977241572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170635116936992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781724512377104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781490952656045,0.0,0.21466498237842316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116668833855864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717849578443469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045834071696828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755068911606475,0.17348573446342735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747517933023768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264156808262727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026571295510216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966890085401576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663835225521896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206987177189048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518093538334508,0.3458513271123614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110325707454306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741384451271854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042928996245424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199829424986185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058038284737116,0.0,0.0,0.14693163964992362,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acrsita,2019/03/29,"something i wrote recently i get extremely, dangerously suicidal every month or so. this time round, it lasted from the very beginning of march, up to maybe a week ago. i attempted and failed a few times. anyway i wrote this, and i found it just now. i don't know.


suicide doesn't feel like an option anymore

it feels completely inevitable, and i'm happy with that.

i like living like this

every day is a haze, everything is blue and nothing matters

happiness scares me, so what else could i want but this?

i hate the fact that i've waited it out this long.

i feel pathetic for it. 

emotionally, philosophically, i might as well be dead already

but physically, i'd be lying if i said i wasn't nervous

for the moment i'll have to let go

a moment i've practised for, in summer with diving boards

and with walking into classrooms

and with talking to people behind cash registers

i have made the decision to let go so many times

but this brings consequence, this brings pain 

this brings a suffocation that i don't want to feel again

instinct always stops me at night, because i'm calmer

i don't think it would in the daytime. 


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suicidewatch,hasselbackspotitis,2019/03/29,i feel like shit i think im gonna hang myself within the next week,-1.828125,-0.02220756249999667,0.8049999999999997,103.54,93.375,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.39865,53,0,14,0,2,18,14,16,0.224,0.621,0.155,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,5,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738310183667556,0.3071386528943303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643929977508702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003973917082466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572303337153234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413120455160611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754787122287091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448600673678381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,abkj2007,2019/03/29,"I am a loser I feel like I am the worst person on earth, I keep thinking abouth stabing myself in the stomach - I am looking for reasons to live.. sorry",4.096451612903227,4.482034935483874,5.300161290322581,84.6702419354839,70.61290322580646,6.2,31.62903225806452,3.1291,1.382406451612903,117,5,23,0,2,39,24,31,0.272,0.65,0.077,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,4,7,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443193223969804,0.2747111493174369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417914661744693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786387713240196,0.0,0.3395505458335057,0.0,0.32291169251809426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357602357123893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953649714137433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304543039179423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24639384504584805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sweetest-of-Sour,2019/03/29,"I think I'm suicidal for the first time. It's this heavy numb feeling pushing me down, it's new. Usually when I'm sad I have enough energy to pity my self, but I'm 19 and here I am in all my awfulness. I always thought I would never kill my self since I have to many people who love me, and I didn't want to hurt them. This time though I just don't care, I've let so many things fall to the wayside, but I'm sure I can get them back on track since this isn't new (sadly). However feeling like I want to die because of it is new, worrying and terrifying. I've failed more times than most, but now if it continues I might actually fail at life.",3.1019206349206345,3.2126265571428583,4.7209523809523795,88.92182539682541,72.71428571428572,8.793650793650794,25.555555555555557,8.841846274778883,1.4172460317460316,498,14,122,9,9,169,89,140,0.23,0.612,0.158,-0.8907,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,3,8,12,1,0,2,1,11,3,0,0,3,20,24,10,3,4,5,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,2,2,18,4,12,19,4,19,0,6,0,1,6,4,0,3,14,72,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.14261687911643656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160472327569652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123768313307045,0.0,0.08908891087833999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900502808366128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167590546504034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100731873948875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779106310983553,0.10440633988993324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431124655068902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635496657794233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645172868830268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168828904698893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944362601225708,0.10322685456446637,0.07139928560475517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319019760513267,0.0,0.0,0.29633709915982026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503722907087875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271638192610252,0.4234445638019576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131885477469216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30492315850666696,0.0,0.0,0.2417860557299281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985940378428173,0.0,0.13774035865923565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709254420060368,0.09364410434946804,0.1435871642663014,0.11602316403799952,0.25565576445640553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609585677647301,0.0,0.17240074781193707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841780026216495,0.0,0.10381753576406902,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatoneweeabooboi,2019/03/29,If there anyone Please,2.942499999999999,4.731668250000006,0.7199999999999989,97.025,116.5,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-2.6587,19,0,3,0,1,5,4,4,0.0,0.5660000000000001,0.434,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5372511915690326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8434222887484386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ahrazzafar12,2019/03/29,"Is there anything besides calling suicide help line that I can do or am I hopeless I'm in a same state as most of you guys and I've called suicide help so many times and i always get the same old response, it doesn't help me. How do you guys keep going I could use any suggestion  I don't care",1.9701562500000025,3.110276953125002,3.230125000000001,94.70237500000002,76.34375,5.745000000000001,25.3,5.6839178017228535,0.4296912499999999,231,8,54,1,5,75,48,64,0.21,0.674,0.116,-0.8190000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,10,14,6,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,3,13,3,5,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,2,2,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663108655687393,0.0,0.0,0.13592091734574602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447896108665885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081866318281929,0.0,0.20378447914811126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958282380392555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442571834368587,0.0,0.11359278582904947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958126209762147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40191322827762604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765685943017062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264048193944112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973374458601785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372586047071733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654791669560118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262663593116076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneTimeAndBye,2019/03/29,"Life isn't fun. My life is so boring. Nothing is fun. Anhedonia is a terrible thing, all those things that were once fun are just... nothing.

 As if being depressed all my life wasn't bad enough. All I do is play video games not because it is fun but because it is the only thing I know to do. Just something to fill my mind so I don't have to think. It is sad when your mind is your own worst enemy.

Because that is it for me. Just meh. I'm so... nothing. Like a line that never goes up or down. Like I'm just numb. I barely can cry. 

I'm reserved and most of the time I stay in my shell. I don't have friends or anything that is really fun for me anymore. Nothing that motivates me.

 And even if there is something I care about I just fail. Most of the times I just wanna die.
 Because there is just nothing. I just wanna sleep. I don't want to have this fight to find my.... place.

 I just got so used to being this. Being alone. I'm just so tired. So tired with life. ",-1.1189069300301284,0.9559904805825284,0.9851991965182452,100.651213592233,95.65048543689319,3.8122530967525954,16.326749246735858,5.501188778358388,-0.8310413123535318,733,19,177,5,29,241,98,206,0.319,0.648,0.033,-0.9967,0,1,2,0,1,1,37.0,0,2,0,2,21,19,1,0,5,0,28,8,1,2,4,35,38,15,1,5,16,0,0,2,1,0,7,0,0,0,15,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,9,0,0,3,0,22,10,18,32,8,10,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,6,6,125,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056864968234328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154503095693876,0.0,0.0,0.09579789257393083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719990375106344,0.2838568782140844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869070373918285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787409750815054,0.0,0.0,0.10026625484627497,0.0,0.12081820453612882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028563842083075,0.0,0.07688961843707792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063992759334942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994031297325507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931060256900699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397748197090232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328903478509723,0.11374691933409375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508767429957464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978480032386629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5585065563588928,0.0,0.0,0.12397593258845716,0.0,0.08853725149887587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162669679693572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457708068916724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649696579713775,0.0,0.0,0.17924066612940293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240806555597172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23201866166275356,0.07459268179878678,0.0,0.0,0.13576258908199362,0.2675989927834149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005433632063096,0.0,0.0,0.06866334091582221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AaravX64,2019/03/29,Feeling close. Can't take it anymore. Post depression opened my eyes to how much I fucked up. Parents probably hate me and I can't even look at myself.,0.41000000000000014,2.78738666666667,1.696666666666669,93.585,99.0,5.066666666666666,22.66666666666667,6.742157984588678,0.9638666666666666,120,5,24,2,5,38,27,30,0.334,0.623,0.042,-0.9062,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,7,1,5,0,1,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239808257356653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813707833238436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577042248442785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518026742789524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020123043973755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225309053387488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743306570649957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401489058097428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36274177223339094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128711143741224,0.0,0.3522185185253845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456242562988961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awkwardyoungadult,2019/03/29,"Nephew mentions suicide for the first time. Just been told that during an argument with his mother, my nephew, and 11 year old boy, threatened to kill himself. His grandmother called me in tears about the situation. I don't know how I should react at all. I still need to talk to his mother about the situation.  


Suicide is a touchy subject in my family. My older brother hung himself after a few years in the military back in 2008. So, to relive this situation isn't easy at all, especially for my mother.  


My mother and I are visiting my nephew a few states away tomorrow, and I have absolutely no idea what to say or do to make the situation better for him. I never would have thought I'd have to worry about my nephew being suicidal, but here I am. Now I have no clue go about it.  


Writing it off as ""he's just a child saying things he does not mean"" isn't going to help at all, so I will take this situation as serious as anyone else's.  


When I see him in person, what can I do or say to gear him towards a better mentality? any actual help would be appreciated. I feel helpless.",3.4268317373461024,4.9962666325581395,5.258632010943913,79.8866073871409,73.37209302325581,8.407660738714089,25.6703146374829,9.007467420416297,1.993541723666212,846,28,168,18,17,290,125,215,0.16399999999999998,0.789,0.047,-0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,3,14,5,1,0,11,0,20,0,0,3,4,27,31,13,4,4,6,9,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,3,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,3,5,28,2,32,22,5,28,0,1,1,0,33,11,0,2,13,125,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.10840164310661307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554070844408646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767228861293139,0.11381835263421378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436676962096188,0.0854164895406068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964889674157043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342885240861067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721007285857844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092796156790052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471980290462607,0.0,0.056167243936461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944877174862602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626282522558832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489140920569865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539994829306386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289762833388615,0.0,0.06104868287078885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414921585983293,0.0,0.0,0.12100268772671975,0.0,0.0,0.1119462175706231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236713771903686,0.08567457850375766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165636309704816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699398059868143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26501459157752394,0.0,0.0,0.08851930718391246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6243135264570374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871156660899675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364522533593904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352109931214506,0.08928485045322998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379905793727254,0.0,0.0,0.08818803004291617,0.06477378439458886,0.0,0.0,0.10614521216153834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128108644247676,0.0,0.15782131161230312,0.0,0.0,0.14306848977881956
suicidewatch,PulverizerisOP,2019/03/29,"I’m fucking done. I’m 14 I can’t do this. I’ve been on anxiety and depression pills for 3 years. I’ve had so many friends betray me, my parents are verbally abusive, and I can’t do it anymore. It’s days like this I want to die. I’m fucking 14 and I want to die. I shouldn’t be typing this at all, but here I am crying all over my fucking phone while typing this. All I want is real friends, and family who cares. Not to mention I would kill for a pc, but I’m not allowed to have my own money. Idk what to do ",-0.7062463768115919,1.0010627739130484,2.2048913043478287,96.32356884057974,86.47826086956522,5.224637681159421,20.88768115942029,6.42735559955562,0.10837681159420363,389,13,97,4,12,137,67,115,0.21600000000000005,0.649,0.135,-0.8954,2,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,0,15,4,0,1,3,18,26,8,3,5,4,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,12,4,10,20,4,6,0,1,0,3,6,3,3,0,4,61,20,3,0.0,0.21020839663366714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572239793233745,0.0,0.17594853679079725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088696107850552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948826333504146,0.11441834223437165,0.0,0.1528077394984576,0.0,0.3682586280645153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155768867988106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725157591400536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27414160300089235,0.4920534071503108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628400211616664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667626832679094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987150504660512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969989548376528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019377189400965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139328359629625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260309050811198,0.0,0.0,0.11424978712449085
suicidewatch,hhhjjjhhhbbb,2019/03/29,i was raped one year ago today and i can’t take it my ptsd is so terrible i’ve been crying for two days straight i’m pushing everyone away i want to kill myself so badly,-1.5304385964912264,0.4164645526315809,1.474736842105262,95.76982456140352,100.84210526315788,4.63859649122807,16.859649122807017,6.42735559955562,-0.10001403508771922,135,4,31,2,6,47,33,38,0.412,0.521,0.067,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,7,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,5,0,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656883385895226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816017269104143,0.0,0.2502580537166957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292340992963033,0.19329798248761895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864003088005707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316015672201625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031015778279557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503627631822642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253560772760794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28410447912489656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927880051819348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678571064522922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930132260225131
suicidewatch,KindSort,2019/03/29,"Preparation for my journey Okay so I've decided what I need to do and I'm going to do it very soon. I just need to know what's kind of measures I can take to make it easier on everyone, if I even can. 

First and most importantly my cat. I have a feeling he won't really care, but I want to be sure. Should I drop him off at the shelter or let the police deal with it?

Speaking of police, should I call before I do it? Is there a way of notifying them afterwards ",-0.11694545454545135,1.87686476,2.9414545454545475,90.1657272727273,86.4,6.836363636363638,20.090909090909093,8.00094639256281,0.9055999999999996,356,11,83,8,11,127,70,100,0.049,0.8270000000000001,0.124,0.6098,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,4,1,12,0,0,1,1,18,22,6,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,13,4,13,17,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,3,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883311506894768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625997871711649,0.0,0.2622024176215786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651314460164085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985865960070967,0.0,0.0,0.2457373898348825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300331087770565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874905701062625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461558956464964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678034536470751,0.14133415606814434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629742133033798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716632751740928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813772664647915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474997821926152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423801096446027,0.0,0.1933601763391028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219255782614801,0.15168579697417164,0.20412993628540665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boosacks,2019/03/29,"It doesn’t matter how much I have, I just want to die. I’m a 17 y/o male with loving parents who really care about my mental health.

The pain is unbearable. I can’t fucking stand myself. I act so fake towards everyone and I catastrophize things and it’s driving me insane. I can’t function in society anymore.

Moving away from my parents will be my last turning page. I’m gonna disappear long enough that it won’t hurt them as much, and then I’m gonna end my life. I’m in so much agony I need the sweet release of death.",0.5922972972972964,2.718939693693695,2.6877702702702706,92.26787162162165,84.4954954954955,5.8621621621621625,21.862612612612615,7.1686216300943375,0.7020504504504506,410,14,90,6,12,138,79,111,0.224,0.667,0.109,-0.9369,2,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,0,3,0,8,5,0,1,0,9,20,8,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,1,14,3,10,15,5,13,0,1,0,2,6,4,1,0,4,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529720773855304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554435126588655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049802524934947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939126540936204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548668803512442,0.1930578879655002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853568215773055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273255780012978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860446930532025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000183869314454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230129049733532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197213678045602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534942399311506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863233601859884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829294239416455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985836372862909,0.41205143780009307,0.1385410874460196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881322194024612,0.0,0.4149321946590877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969586625222553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241296228357162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203230607137162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102043415315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,indecisive_stacy,2019/03/29,"i want this to end i just feel that i never find happiness in life and i’m sick of crying all the time, my head and eyes hurt. i just don’t want my parents sad but i just can’t handle my thoughts",-1.020666666666667,0.7725504888888928,1.2933333333333366,101.82000000000004,88.55555555555556,4.488888888888889,15.666666666666668,5.6839178017228535,-0.9821999999999996,152,3,40,1,5,51,33,45,0.244,0.7020000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.7971,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,2,13,7,3,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,8,1,3,6,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296544520718504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658065354790665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174357879387187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742931969194308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31947045544562,0.0,0.0,0.3079973013896533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32127172942801546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119750952411169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231461724711356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33323432365039657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382521617160332,0.17499533833592748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540228469739197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sd67890,2019/03/29,"Amongst people With this hopeless and fucked up world, no wonder I want to commit this one act of honesty as opposed to multiple act of falseness portrayed by everyone",15.079,10.064272900000006,12.63,57.94500000000002,53.33333333333334,14.666666666666664,56.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,6.709666666666667,137,8,20,2,1,42,26,30,0.254,0.578,0.168,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645195379357766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494207934573757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294153259882279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370224137749973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867329891035583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271889394336324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SevenT7,2019/03/29,"I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy I was depressed most my life, I always kept on living with the mentality of ""life has ups and downs. Sure I could end it, stop existing and there are no downs anymore, but the only way to experience ups is living."" 

I was used to a world full of greyness and numbness, but I just realized I don't even remember the last time I was genuinely happy. While this alone is depressing enough, I was always able to endure it until the next ""up-phase'. 
But recently I started to hate myself. I don't know if I fit here since I don't have concrete plans of ending it yet, but everyday I come closer to the conclusion that 'enduring' life is just not worth it. I started therapy and was gonna contact a doctor for medication, but is a life you are only able to endure because you are on drugs everyday really worth it?
Thanks for listening to my rant.",6.07372881355932,5.81446577966102,7.312999999999999,74.15763559322035,66.34463276836158,11.147796610169491,32.389265536723165,10.793553405168565,3.4633665536723166,701,26,135,18,10,240,97,177,0.16,0.765,0.07400000000000001,-0.9085,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,2,6,8,1,0,9,0,20,8,0,1,1,26,30,12,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0,7,6,0,2,5,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,7,2,21,4,20,21,3,28,0,2,1,0,4,10,0,2,16,99,28,1,0.25346053916195194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125433943632406,0.0,0.0,0.21089947288319832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568237398505286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772535960687277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916690577905913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118380812451967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830519098082302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297138009374494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469668785161997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244908066237512,0.1309462456135871,0.0,0.08370414783659642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396652128235433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698134570174726,0.0,0.1251199041624637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964764187883135,0.20660416834451484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35805334905749503,0.0,0.0,0.22381029969234428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276674139022697,0.1277143044601078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477907942293002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927681614019846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118665580758821,0.0,0.12513085235757354,0.0,0.2871213816912841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483258859185414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940067417306524,0.0,0.0,0.10595217997552786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944177928893482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667620548146827,0.1449271079183564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779487866099694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945426325267353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059258918488073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NOname091212,2019/03/29,"Hanging looks so easy online! I've watched a couple of videos of people who recorded themselves commiting suicide by partial suspension hanging, I don't know if that's legal or not... Anyway...
and they make it look so easy, they pass out so quicky, I feel like it's too good to be true..
",2.1607738095238105,4.653531625000003,3.010714285714286,90.10095238095242,80.96428571428572,5.161904761904762,25.404761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.9501761904761912,225,9,43,2,6,71,46,56,0.07200000000000001,0.6890000000000001,0.239,0.8569,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,7,6,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,5,6,0,4,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869209220975954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681175499212431,0.2498157574592181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29330003684818073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217828758969605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708389225616245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872963602626194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341812894180944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24242825174336655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824997417345521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rdr2-lover,2019/03/29,Alone I have no real friends and my family would rather spend time without me. The are to wrapped up in their own life and I’m to afraid to speak out. I feel so alone all the time,1.9776923076923083,3.0304088205128217,2.49025641025641,100.36307692307696,76.1794871794872,6.2256410256410275,20.69230769230769,6.42735559955562,-0.2260153846153843,140,3,36,1,3,43,31,39,0.163,0.763,0.07400000000000001,-0.4051,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,9,5,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,7,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6356156627215407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892743048262563,0.0,0.15515442154263984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707436297285756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673980240216725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492666239188766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578576531274729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29579596122323354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798002353478535,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wuxilu,2019/03/29,"They said committing suicide sends you to hell. If I hire a serial killer to kill me on a random day a year from now, will that fall under suicide or whatnot? Given that I will forget about the plan.

I wanna die.",2.018255813953488,4.0091098372093015,3.695523255813953,87.71444767441862,78.53488372093022,6.16046511627907,20.05232558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.5193767441860468,165,4,33,2,4,55,35,43,0.484,0.494,0.022,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,7,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,3,3,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171241358165106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34941004568873263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724751949891146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202500274605496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7365241223882293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168042799100568
suicidewatch,FacelessGolem,2019/03/29,"Everything is worthless Even the universe will come to an end someday so even if there is a trascendent self that survives the carnal death  it will get destroyed and anihilated and we will be no more, in  the end nothing has a intrinsec value  that you can grab on, everything (even the spirit realm of our universe) will  be disolved into nothingness within billions of years from now. No more stir or vibration will remain.",18.703026315789472,9.802546407894738,15.687894736842107,50.27026315789478,52.02631578947368,18.88421052631579,59.05263157894736,13.816669648895859,7.667942105263156,341,16,54,7,2,106,56,76,0.193,0.787,0.02,-0.9292,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,1,0,1,6,2,1,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,7,13,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,8,6,2,9,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,48,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324432490417968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779962581081795,0.0,0.0,0.5346802845394629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850295483161472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409802520344287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25891873791822234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815019484916029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376809972224425
suicidewatch,Anonanon901,2019/03/29,"Belt loops I tried to hang myself last night. I tightened the belt around my neck and pulled so tight to make sure it wouldnt come loose. I felt the blood rush from my fingers to my toes, and shoot back up with a force ive never felt before. I felt my veins coming out of my neck, and my eyes start to grow heavy. I felt like a broken and beaten soul. Ive been feeling this way for a long time now, about 4 years, and I have tried many times before but last night was the closest I ever came. I dont know what happened next. I woke up this morning with dried tears all around my face, and the belt still tied around my neck. No one came, no one cared. Im going to try again tonight, I dont belong here anymore.  


I dont belong here anymore.",2.8363636363636364,3.51088288535032,3.2043891140706435,97.50996525767228,73.64968152866243,5.70909090909091,20.005211349160394,3.1291,-0.6193643312101909,571,9,138,0,11,176,95,157,0.087,0.846,0.067,-0.4346,0,0,0,1,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,12,4,1,0,7,0,9,9,9,1,4,30,25,8,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,16,0,1,6,0,0,9,7,1,0,2,9,8,22,3,17,15,1,34,1,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,18,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284631229151643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076144990581184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856937395980853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602617369039088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26347958510186503,0.11743774849280432,0.0,0.0,0.198441606587058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40498431487872105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419050810825856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824048329842967,0.0,0.442378752336542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654617126316734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185681681910637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441846859714895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330210538992193,0.1877806410344054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627307650792336,0.0,0.0,0.10193420138038843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688620386575365,0.11677848112843048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883698947544433,0.0,0.12249947392088405,0.2161847327722544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610329734545567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152781685906647,0.0,0.09198607856410954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855954195350877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432941493361206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346070931710723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142768527762374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417470936370735
suicidewatch,freyasnecklace,2019/03/29,I finally got to such a wonderful place- and then it was all crushed Never mistake the happiness you build with someone else as your own actual happiness. ,4.431666666666668,7.488459785714286,5.328571428571427,73.48309523809526,76.14285714285714,10.876190476190477,34.333333333333336,10.504223727775694,5.04767619047619,126,7,20,5,3,41,27,28,0.244,0.593,0.162,-0.4427,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.286484030032508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24524182666305694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215938956444825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479643383603305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6250259378201406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264209085553578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067203701964344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487426952211965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183664291898012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justfuckingdoit5190,2019/03/29,"laid off from my job, no prospects, feeling hopeless I've given up on all my dreams. I've wanted to kill myself since I was eight, and here I am, 20 years later, still wanting to do it. I feel as though I've just delayed the inevitable for two decades. I used to promise myself that things would get better for me if I just held on and kept trying, but I can't hold on any longer. I'm too tired. 

I don't have parents or family, they cut contact with me/disowned me because I'm not religious. I only have a few friends who aren't close, and my partner has recently admitted that he's not sexually attracted to me, which is why he refused to marry me (we're common-law partners.)  

I immigrated to a new country for him. I have had such a hard time finding permanent employment in my field because I wasn't able to work for three years while my immigration paperwork processed. I finally found a part-time temp job in my field that lasted for just under a year, and I was laid off suddenly on Monday after my boss decided I wasn't necessary any more. 

I have applied to 35 positions since the start of last week (I was nervous about keeping my job since another girl got laid off, and so I started applying early) but I haven't heard anything from anyone. It took me so long to find my other gig (and even then I was still living below the poverty line) that I am hopeless about finding something, even something that isn't in my field. 

I am trapped in a foreign country with a partner who is only with me out of obligation. I have very little money in savings since the cost of living here is so high, and I am worried about being able to make my rent. Because I am an immigrant, I don't qualify for unemployment benefits. I have a degree and work experience and am a native speaker of the dominant language in this country, but there's bias in this country against people of my nationality and a strong preference for hiring people who are natives to this country in my field. 

I woke up this morning and realized I didn't have anything I really cared about any more. I don't care if I don't see how my favorite TV shows end, I don't care about all the places I've never gotten to visit, I don't care about ""making it"" in my profession. I have no hopes or dreams any more. 

I used to have so many dreams. Things were very bad for me when I was a child, I underwent severe physical and emotional abuse from my family, and what kept me going then was this hope that someday I would get away from them and make good things happen in my life. There is nothing left for me here. I have nothing keeping me here. 

Now I feel like I am standing at the edge of a void and all there is left for me to do is jump. ",5.681616448068062,5.371060728937732,6.493684272716532,79.87658454448778,67.16849816849819,9.536003781165071,32.814368427271646,9.11188708381993,2.677166796644216,2122,83,429,34,31,704,250,546,0.127,0.77,0.102,-0.9409,8,1,2,0,1,3,54.0,0,0,2,4,30,21,2,1,20,0,51,2,0,7,4,69,89,33,1,9,12,1,4,1,4,2,2,2,1,5,23,20,0,8,11,5,3,4,18,6,0,3,21,7,74,15,70,65,7,64,0,2,1,0,20,31,0,6,29,302,97,10,0.15684045228427368,0.09291514460815696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133137716831676,0.08223044469550768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054833245479659586,0.0,0.12906632855734712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367838389652545,0.0,0.06547761321364999,0.14341272595806934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935631727063853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319818587944028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821219933602965,0.06945704400564134,0.0,0.0,0.1035916395362282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671002882862626,0.14785521997081838,0.0,0.11895486780485325,0.05602342522504464,0.0,0.08590552458833993,0.21502399797518928,0.0,0.0,0.08598373028188455,0.06058727218763312,0.0,0.08194266296758829,0.0,0.04456802171139699,0.0657751650655957,0.06271981866986014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693467469907176,0.0,0.07024911932116545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285527448835052,0.0,0.15577795803190084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23345992202001406,0.1394070003737438,0.08676036130314327,0.0,0.0,0.12784590182799632,0.0,0.0,0.1704076103158332,0.0,0.055390524885802865,0.03831216133442185,0.07859766832703276,0.13849299281730362,0.06939943239518832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570383296787361,0.07950580076693005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048251285440799,0.0757387430754351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049264397715045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928423146364735,0.0,0.0,0.08707638072277021,0.08492146291668408,0.0,0.10873342155928634,0.0,0.08193244542422204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050238004931306667,0.0,0.07743051262878631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249076713437762,0.0,0.0,0.08859253411069329,0.0,0.25948008574812925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074344269964996,0.0,0.0,0.1110124793801866,0.0,0.12525298779329244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629674105038696,0.0,0.07704747402341372,0.0,0.04572746450223323,0.09013251386909453,0.0,0.0,0.08712775669823887,0.0532421859116724,0.0,0.0766051660363404,0.0,0.0,0.13545979354223886,0.0,0.12940979879547304,0.09250856235326277,0.0,0.06290397517610061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076205660737654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418171722372247,0.0796395462557032,0.0,0.11141495733033567,0.0,0.0,0.15150016358228133
suicidewatch,Doublecupparje,2019/03/29,"I can't take care of myself I'm in my teen years (16) and I suffer from depression and anxiety. I've had depression since my aunt passed away and my grandfather did a lot of bad things. Me and my parents haven't always had a very good relationship. Needless to say it's not the best. I don't eat very much, I just never feel hungry. My girlfriend has helped me through a lot. even when I haven't been the most fair to her, I always make it up to her though. She's always been there for me and I love her so much for that. But my depression has been getting worse and I often have the big thought, 'would anyone care if I died?' I've resorted to self harm and I don't want to, but I just have moods where I just do. I don't just know how to stop and I can't go to the doctors because they'll tell my parents and they'll do the same thing they've always done and say ""no, you don't have depression."" And yell at me, that won't help my condition and I don't know what to do. Any advice?",0.4583689363595909,2.259912976635519,2.2244726301735653,97.26456386292836,82.78504672897195,5.758433466844683,18.60169114374721,6.868970318607317,-0.12386266132621282,763,18,187,9,21,251,109,214,0.153,0.815,0.033,-0.9564,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,1,12,13,0,0,8,0,28,3,0,2,1,35,41,19,1,3,8,3,1,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,7,12,1,1,4,0,0,2,13,7,0,0,8,4,35,5,18,29,7,12,0,5,0,1,19,6,0,5,4,131,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715034301940327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39901606475665996,0.0,0.0,0.08152598654926528,0.0,0.09171178181286177,0.0,0.0,0.08382645711345862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263600820750423,0.0,0.1000990601218693,0.07308085096238301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258120277228346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446172127748544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130274819101203,0.0,0.1244218178512954,0.0,0.0,0.12270749112624547,0.0,0.12268409182512273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267239795438675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918298518476101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060617514291152835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263502244786129,0.0,0.06813347136287921,0.10055394323772296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071292573354615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177144353254766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038440685642276,0.10820099334938052,0.0,0.08002424254866163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625870155805806,0.0,0.09246278832400998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26623645674813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871174351678294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906749042851089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506631679579042,0.0,0.0,0.0991702027186717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022932093727524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013868362303963,0.0,0.10478487120739856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929268148698494,0.0,0.11778651291614382,0.09517538687642277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783554400065714,0.07071134461309689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217317023097728,0.08516294321766622,0.0,0.0,0.07720208092809339
suicidewatch,SpEdClan,2019/03/29,Dont be afraid I just wanted to let you know that if you need help tell someone ,4.055,3.1349367222222284,4.54111111111111,94.565,70.66666666666667,7.2,23.555555555555557,3.1291,-0.05151111111111152,63,1,16,0,1,20,17,18,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497479569652927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28451551883967946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332794357006139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340527285820921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147415882508029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596548665139754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37100839104317335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503653618228821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ofivialivia,2019/03/29,"I’m so scared of myself I cant be here, i feel so horrible and if i die its selfish but it needs to be done i’ve been in so much pain and hurt that i have nothing left. what is wrong with me? why do i feel this way? so many people leave me, so why don’t i just leave? i’m planning on taking 250 mg of prozac. it might not kill me but i just don’t want to be okay. not being okay gives me so much purpose than actually being okay. does anyone know what will happen to me? (16 year old girl)",-1.3334719334719338,0.4924372882882899,1.2409009009009004,101.37386694386696,90.53153153153153,4.136105336105336,13.943866943866944,5.369823440869387,-1.2846665280665284,373,6,98,2,13,127,71,111,0.219,0.672,0.109,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,1,1,0,3,15,2,0,0,0,16,25,11,2,3,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,2,13,3,9,16,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1744118508213451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497013169060177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854904942602424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640527430998089,0.1828998581077559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073956611261946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714513033152866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804776879310525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133103832995726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773503615794571,0.0,0.09822373042102042,0.0,0.0,0.37849234841274026,0.19418749807678384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812012093228314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896011905181876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627699404677389,0.13252386702575225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149345594788687,0.0,0.18754400794481796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901782169685686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239068551621148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893698876689826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343805231747075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541786391327117,0.14186523902184367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225467854607305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195410007658396,0.0,0.11509438132776954
suicidewatch,cigadopesmoke,2019/03/29,"i’m fucking trapped. 23 yr old male & i’ve basically ruined my life to the point of complete isolation. i’m addicted(mentally & physically) to opium, i’m trying to get my use back to every other day so i can somewhat function again, but it’s really hard when you start getting withdrawals every 18-24hrs. it’s really funny tho, this stuff saved my life, but i’ve abused it too much & it just doesn’t work like it used too. i think i was on my way to having a great music career, but now my brain is too fucked up & the thought of even trying to work on a song is hilariously depressing. i can’t even think straight anymore, music was the only thing keeping me going & now i have nothing. i mean, i have family & friends who really do care about me, but that doesn’t mean anything to my completely fucked up brain, as i’ve been pushing everyone away & refuse to answer my phone.. i just don’t care anymore, i really don’t. & the worst part about it? i can’t even fucking kill myself, the thought of my dad having to deal with my suicide is indescribably heartbreaking, he would probably fall into the fucking soul crushing anxiety & depression i feel every second of every day.. & i just couldn’t do that to him. this is such a waste of time, this post, my life, everything.. idk what to do anymore & i refuse to take anti depressants because they just seem so toxic. idk.. i really don’t know anymore.",3.5186956521739137,5.296865338078295,4.838127804425191,82.13612718551757,73.55516014234875,7.876280365155503,26.096394863066678,8.587818076936951,1.877071669503327,1124,39,218,21,23,373,146,281,0.241,0.66,0.099,-0.9935,0,2,0,0,1,2,59.0,0,1,1,2,22,18,6,0,9,0,24,10,2,2,0,29,51,9,2,2,8,1,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,16,2,0,3,10,1,0,3,8,12,0,1,5,3,30,6,27,44,4,23,1,5,0,5,12,8,5,2,11,134,46,3,0.0,0.07137637826471689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7179885592219215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046084615880950065,0.0,0.2389736950230277,0.0,0.0,0.04957365737952423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056598913138534275,0.046322028454700084,0.0,0.0367226857692788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449897121729354,0.0,0.0,0.12284053695147865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632422441038196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770162378408386,0.06210638614015826,0.1556578594035769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119366913969441,0.0,0.20302439434476524,0.05756337639864599,0.05414121489102448,0.0,0.056790365841628276,0.0,0.030459934444039025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0465424670642144,0.2784616811827387,0.06294744019027584,0.0,0.034236657431877045,0.0,0.0,0.06641651436827126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053964590321377515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354545178500605,0.06664834234367659,0.0,0.03310717684924603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276511511617407,0.029430975230968836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124140254693226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428446594545918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780338570138468,0.0,0.06321336617364635,0.0,0.0,0.04581640841151903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652357211033415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056947730385021066,0.0,0.057694746362057264,0.0,0.06495057279734097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296137666059568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054841638678505465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263927454324098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896215463223036,0.06589447097912284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529414355135452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002180469000945,0.07720069724204369,0.0,0.09565011296957802,0.035127328458263864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180010734091436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405870328573424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047816933208755484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771312226704411,0.0,0.0,0.042793864080469805,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MountainArm,2019/03/29,I can feel it coming... I got rejected by a girl. I got placed into a shitty internship and my lecturer refused to change the company for me. I'm literally using google translate to translate stuff as an IT intern. It's braindead. The girl said we could still be friends but now we're barely talking to each other. I text her stuff and all her replies are one-worded. I really don't mind being friends but it's so difficult to get the friendship back when it seems like you're the only one trying your hardest to commit. I'm stuck at this shitty job for the next 4 months. There is literally nothing to look forward to in my life. Everything is negative. Life is bleak. Maybe If I die I hope she actually thinks of her once close friend.,2.276666666666668,4.678810958904113,3.804630136986301,85.12142009132421,79.82191780821918,6.90703196347032,24.801826484018264,8.021203637495839,1.6337831963470315,584,22,113,11,15,193,102,146,0.171,0.6829999999999999,0.147,-0.6075,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,8,0,9,2,0,1,2,20,23,8,1,3,3,0,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,2,9,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,3,16,5,15,16,2,13,0,1,1,0,14,6,0,3,8,72,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.15637657119809648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321896029750587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695185767242582,0.13803737878129194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279430570001292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630961339874162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401839536539074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102498051429463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714160147547368,0.0,0.08372170209709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563260594222529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916001900987034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901901268615945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263723855459888,0.07828789648208223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345659290258006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098822442499325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618023557694904,0.0,0.1279064937954463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704229931711194,0.0,0.0,0.15375995666436862,0.0,0.0,0.17065631374590698,0.21717310553248306,0.12187398517217694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742252544578715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026574224094952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243024324877869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458815583947354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279723278574563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366885703287765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879932788545667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267889777009484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879623059500476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384007313206708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway-_-17,2019/03/29,"I can’t take it So pretty much, I’m in a situation that I want to not be in at all, with no visible escape. 

As a background, I’m a 19 year old guy currently in school for multimedia, I’ve suffered through depression/anxiety/etc my entire life, so that’s pretty standard for me, but recently things took a turn for the worse.  I’m just gonna start from where this all really started going downhill.

Now, I’m a terrible person for this, but my life got caught up in many things.  Drugs, alcohol, and worst of all, cheating on my amazing girlfriend.  The latter of which I got caught with two months ago.  That day will haunt me almost as much as it does her, the look on her face, the guilt I feel, I see it every day and it hurts so bad.  Luckily, however, I’ve been changing myself for the better, being sober, being a better boyfriend, and she’s given me this chance to improve the relationship and I’ll say that it has skyrocketed in quality ever since I started giving a shit about her and I as a couple and I am genuinely happy with her.  Unfortunately with that, when she’s not around, I have a hard time thinking of anything but the fact that I am an awful human being.  I have a hard time looking in the mirror knowing what I did to her, my depression has been at an all time high ever since because I struggle to live with myself.  To add to that, I currently work a dishwashing job at a restaurant that keeps me to an ungodly hour every night and piles a lot of work on me that sometimes I’m not capable of, to the point where I got too anxious/exhausted at work and have almost passed out.

Unfortunately, I have put in many job applications to no avail, and I absolutely need some form of income so I can pay for groceries, my phone bill, etc.  plus I have a gecko that depends on my to take care of him and I need money to make sure he’s happy, as well as paying for dates with my girlfriend, I’d say that being unemployed for even a week isnt an option at this point.

To add to that, my roommate is moving out soon, and him and I have been best friends since we moved in together eight months ago, but he’s going to live with his girlfriend, so every day in the back of my head I have a bit of anxiety of what the hell I’m going to do when he’s gone.  Being an only child from a relatively abusive background, living with someone else was a nightmare to me, especially a stranger, but I got lucky and now it’s about to be all gone.

I feel like I’m trapped in a situation where no matter what I do, I’m stuck with a job that makes me extremely anxious and depressed, I’m always going to hate myself, and my living situation is about to get pretty bad.  I don’t know what to do anymore guys, this is all really tough.

tl;dr : I almost ruined my relationship, hate myself more than anything for it, my job makes me want to die, and my best friend is about to move out, and I feel trapped",5.28010086887047,5.022381376910018,6.371948966343755,80.23396060121843,67.99830220713073,9.37423349645461,29.717417357435327,9.007467420416297,2.2023260361530013,2257,73,470,36,34,759,247,589,0.196,0.6679999999999999,0.136,-0.9936,10,2,2,0,0,2,67.0,1,0,0,7,25,31,5,2,37,1,35,7,3,4,10,77,88,36,1,4,9,0,5,1,5,2,4,2,0,5,32,34,1,1,6,0,4,14,9,17,1,2,16,10,64,14,89,63,17,74,1,5,3,0,30,30,2,8,31,323,96,11,0.0,0.07564957398371062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319500049651232,0.06823421588658213,0.1918039885058198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053126745202642205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884363207204327,0.14426038923740614,0.0633201720979648,0.0,0.0,0.1050831144070326,0.056838357606396335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049095258177194685,0.10662101567989064,0.038921217376433836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400931201775082,0.11293693566812285,0.06970560343202822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650974069729684,0.0,0.06754283813151524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064672318375283,0.0,0.1235302535659936,0.0,0.1099845732101523,0.0,0.06626426150201763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587391439385897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404354123238625,0.0,0.05333690602320058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424150480913325,0.04217107680474838,0.11550854807914256,0.16138436812583293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685057382922868,0.04561310504607266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865778822513273,0.0,0.033358004073130595,0.06124892837800261,0.1451454171430289,0.0,0.2042606760273594,0.0,0.0,0.12643934111389735,0.0,0.13593500815575807,0.11439073730743528,0.12607358714262168,0.06552658463824781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745903742366736,0.0,0.0,0.06287753058025691,0.0,0.06835072604616109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253437602916298,0.0567511369276547,0.0,0.0,0.07017850682084516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901956215645226,0.03119296316619803,0.0,0.22551621590950746,0.0,0.10723266957332804,0.0,0.0,0.05428138287257212,0.0,0.0,0.1278573346617486,0.12946393147461166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192591010775304,0.20358132066214946,0.09387141976986987,0.0946851342962353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991712933546299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669978547157042,0.0,0.0,0.048559367427422916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574970997681029,0.0,0.0,0.12071420959434258,0.0,0.0,0.19486945573994197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641849890407133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180547287253022,0.0,0.06304230939327167,0.13709795883179066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154916507104456,0.0,0.06461769955606915,0.050878680021081486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553917099176312,0.1584474578408455,0.2153038641351688,0.0,0.0,0.054098299378591036,0.0,0.06314741684937203,0.0,0.13557607009174238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674791114805942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017609136792676,0.0,0.09601167072134277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483569910565551,0.040911293060753286,0.0,0.0,0.1116910453146572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093760338182292,0.0,0.0694484130470873,0.06237032940151953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531854318672059,0.0,0.05121510539559727,0.0,0.057407121891981876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944656117897514,0.0,0.0650666823594533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041116091755171585
suicidewatch,itssmodelotimefoo,2019/03/29,"I want to attempt suicide but not die... For the longest time I’ve been feeling numb, hopeless, depressed, alone, etc,, basically I want to not be here anymore. This week I finally decided to reach out and get help. Well, my friend decided to find help for me. She took me to our counselor in school and he didn’t really help with anything. All he asked was that I talk to my Dad about my problems and if I don’t by Friday (today) that he’d call him himself. So after my friend and I left the counselor my friend asked if I was actually going to tell my Dad. Being honest I said no. After school she had told her Dad and he had somehow found my Dads number and reached out to him to explain what’s going on. Later on that day (Monday) I had talked to my Dad and he decided that he was going to get me a therapist. Yesterday was just horrible. He yelled at me was just plain disrespectful to me. You would think he’d be a little sympathetic considering that I had told him I wanted to kill myself. I cried all day long because I realized that nobody genuinely cares. I’m broken and over everything and nobody wants to help me at all. You would think since I’m always in a bad mood, depressed, sitting in my room all day you would assume there’s something wrong with me and try to reach out and help, but nobody in my family cares at all. So the only reason I want to attempt suicide is to basically get actual help. I wouldn’t say I want attention cause it seems like it, but I just want someone to care. I’m 16 years old and I know I have so much more life to me but I can’t live it if I constantly feel like this. It’s a cry for help. Any advice will be great. Thank you. Sorry if the story is all over the place that’s how my mind is feeling right now. ",2.597484282720515,4.032691019337015,4.20755763002477,87.12964088397793,75.2707182320442,7.313545437226138,23.808725471518386,7.990435384864732,1.1568962469041728,1367,41,293,21,29,458,172,362,0.155,0.633,0.213,0.9447,0,1,1,0,0,4,40.0,1,4,0,2,13,21,1,0,9,0,28,2,0,3,6,69,63,24,4,16,13,5,3,2,3,5,2,3,1,0,14,17,0,0,17,0,0,4,7,8,1,0,16,6,55,12,42,36,9,41,0,3,0,0,46,19,0,7,19,190,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.16016057037207115,0.0,0.0,0.08018964689040252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499107029880157,0.0,0.0,0.06828182596771183,0.0,0.0,0.05580470278857395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138305772256804,0.0,0.0,0.06752970563806812,0.0,0.15343303913125286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851800923796184,0.05002399038774473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837940698027311,0.0,0.2510018144489946,0.08429986928092313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867943791629489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028163107648412,0.15876883184857687,0.0,0.1413590736346329,0.0,0.0851669861291387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152037727762068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375167574358547,0.0,0.077360374260935,0.0,0.12447843363744256,0.05862482425232391,0.0,0.08989447291137323,0.07500281677227323,0.0,0.0,0.08997631001828284,0.1902017684384563,0.0,0.12862139888658816,0.0,0.13991249711752998,0.0,0.0,0.09047320496164137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850291302268497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090789003225585,0.0,0.04509890989121338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916016974947698,0.0,0.0579625357362569,0.08018230645251916,0.08224728270014607,0.0724618972463613,0.07262193468242567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285882402025006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032471896800388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610984615109145,0.0,0.0,0.06241154550564415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573690727161908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852186963130872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525707629987718,0.08437299331405249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008015899805305,0.0780593746033457,0.06525867893938524,0.0,0.16610144283041706,0.0,0.07470579966122136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788220446561376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953052834741348,0.06317502972598621,0.0,0.09186124399590948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795241450244232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191601311901166,0.07172545640934136,0.07555129700746918,0.0,0.09527984382288572,0.0,0.10516352101876857,0.0,0.0,0.047850779547648895,0.0,0.07778480267117703,0.15682675312713387,0.09117345830633156,0.05571444051025288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388144094730865,0.0,0.06582486655640762,0.0,0.07378323462850828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748826209661449,0.08972147860250004,0.0,0.052844980639986015
suicidewatch,TessingAshes,2019/03/29,"what do I do I'm only 18 but its so clear I am worthless. My best will never ever be good enough. I am extremely awkward and untalented. I'm so depressed I haven't eaten in 3 days or gotten out of bed. I've been forcing myself to sleep so I can just not be here. I have nothing positive to look forward to, my boyfriend has left me because he got sick of me and fell out of love. He made me move in with him in an area far out from my uni/ uni students, so now im sat alone living in a shared house with 30yr old + couples who all despise me. He used to love me and feel actual remorse after he hurt me/ we were on a break but now he doesn't care about me and is moving on with his life, hes going travelling to Vietnam so he can get a women easily as they love white men there, and he can drink and smoke cheaply. I sit by myself in my room every day trembling for hours and my body is constantly so much pain. All that occupies my mind is killing myself. Jumping out of my window seems the easiest option but I'm not sure if its high enough to kill me. The only thing stopping me in my mum who's only an hour away from me, but then again, even if I dropped out of university just to be with my mum I'd end up killing myself there too. 

​",3.4832888694511297,3.5536627695167304,4.925414388803851,87.93322545375031,71.8624535315985,7.816400612289526,26.60419855674612,7.5105763829236425,1.1774599169035644,971,29,223,10,17,327,161,269,0.217,0.669,0.114,-0.987,0,1,2,0,0,3,25.0,1,0,1,1,18,18,4,2,7,0,21,10,2,2,6,41,39,22,3,2,11,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,2,7,17,2,1,2,2,0,7,5,10,0,0,7,3,36,8,38,28,6,45,0,3,2,3,22,21,0,5,16,149,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.11161785610072278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846262825388028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393009998312507,0.1389835665635708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074632702918794,0.0,0.0,0.06972465879350909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003418938853724,0.0,0.0,0.1270497979888724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661748515298614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360356506522575,0.0,0.0,0.12655869987892918,0.0,0.14753058205179465,0.0,0.09851486356989984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204832867091633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013062542758242,0.2363691209293569,0.0,0.07554655633526737,0.10346277230563057,0.09636963041991033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783369302906478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975854839113527,0.0,0.06500448449402085,0.09593606656552124,0.09147970503591207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084818214734708,0.0,0.0,0.225281461424244,0.13197854300585904,0.12244558040835507,0.0,0.12354944726545325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37963178605145065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242736208280705,0.0,0.08078959706515512,0.0,0.0,0.10099916103995234,0.0,0.09604994141376033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096957921147187,0.1082286131296058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549065134673303,0.0,0.0,0.2431345347811063,0.0840820657099927,0.0,0.08821649285811532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975017923417534,0.0,0.1200220053440062,0.0,0.0,0.26097220642094354,0.12170781260060945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412676699520172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446206611993236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562635234028416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780128991279143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759886325810579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987871315659943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389835665635708,0.0
suicidewatch,theo_ai,2019/03/29,"just here as a last resort i normally just lurk around afraid to speak to anyone but i’ve gone as far as i can and i’m out of places to turn to. i won’t go into detail but i’ve lived a life that- although not the worst- pretty much set me up to be unstable at best, even without the mental illnesses that would’ve latched onto me even if things had been perfect. mother with cancer, father’s been to war three times and has ptsd, recent suicide in the family, about to be disowned for my sexuality/gender/beliefs, a history of sexual and heavy psychological abuse, and various forms of half-recovered self harm and substance abuse on my part. i’ve reached a whole new low and have nowhere to go. i have a plan, a note, a list of who gets what, the time down to the hour.",5.502222222222217,5.236037000000003,6.245180467091295,81.35818825194622,67.53503184713375,9.52554847841472,28.90941259731068,9.150863307647796,2.0952142958244857,607,18,128,10,9,200,109,157,0.241,0.65,0.109,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,2,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,1,1,12,0,10,3,0,0,1,19,16,13,2,2,7,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,4,1,8,2,29,9,7,22,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,1,6,88,13,0,0.0,0.4179334348711109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332029791854357,0.0,0.0,0.15700451949662508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508687203034627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232978218555692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626363820081433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214477021199048,0.0,0.20046749620641705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368651895699094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143763099951304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457362264496252,0.0,0.0,0.15573578569406454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773701725797936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965044888784608,0.0,0.0,0.17033688738164166,0.0,0.0,0.1728027613235009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098887937335068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426656110767567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794292126623974,0.0,0.0,0.20616423827373284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414168725266485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839898282466667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291748380103085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717076931111732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568268378594745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183725884144887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969080810403248,0.0,0.17001203306882134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252864535955251,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonen60sec,2019/03/29,"Not today, but maybe tomorrow I am not sure how to even begin this. I don’t know the rules or edict of writing something like this. I just needed a place to air my ills. To most people on the outside, I live a pretty charmed life, upper middle class white male, wife, 3 great kids, a dog, 3 cats. But on the inside, the place where no one sees, I deal with chronic pain from an injury when I was 18, sexually molested when I was 12 by a family member, loss of a parent at 20, a divorce. I know these are all norms now, and not (to most people) anything unusual. But lumped together, they are like carrying the weight of the world on my already damaged back. Family tells me, go to the doctor, see a psychiatrist, work through your problems. I have done that, doctors won’t prescribe medication for my pain, no surprise there as I am a middle aged white male and fit the mold of who is addicted to pain med now a days, psychiatrist tell me to role play and work on my mental issues by talking it out, confronting my pain. I have followed all the rules, I got sober from alcohol in 2015, used booze to ease the physical pain, but in the past year and a half I have fallen off the wagon. I work with my hands and lift a lot each day at my job, so back pain and arthritis are a common issue everyday for me. Some days the pain is so intense, that driving to work makes me cry, the best part being I work in a male dominated industry, and crying is for the weak. Try telling Jerry the biker you had a good cry..... It doesn’t do much for your career. I am at a loss now, I don’t know what more I can do. I physically can’t do much athletically now, I played all the sports I could through my teens and early 20’s. Now playing catch with my sons just makes it so I can’t move the next day, I still do, because as my mother says it’s all in my head. Guess when you look like your fine and strong on the outside, nothing can be fucked on the inside. All I want is to feel whole and solid again. To feel as if I am young and vibrant once more.. To not feel that, is what hell must feel like. To not feel empathy and gratitude is worse than just the physical and emotional pain..",4.507762762762763,4.5156253018017996,5.440450450450449,85.34659159159162,69.63063063063063,8.649849849849849,27.25525525525525,8.401726058763845,1.5614030030030033,1670,48,369,23,27,550,225,444,0.17,0.672,0.158,-0.8787,3,0,2,0,1,0,64.0,0,5,1,9,22,32,4,0,37,0,36,23,2,4,7,61,58,29,0,6,14,4,7,4,0,2,18,1,0,4,13,18,3,0,8,4,0,6,13,17,0,2,5,13,46,15,49,48,17,57,1,3,5,1,24,24,2,7,31,248,59,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796243560655364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642830507449315,0.0,0.0,0.07891911692791845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885115130089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998198838877554,0.0,0.043595176362269936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505109019454308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709929614500035,0.0,0.23566920913557726,0.18448628805552691,0.07372932562760674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639826017827506,0.0,0.0731851716219636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804452958062236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723530389373153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348368705981081,0.0,0.18080189210751466,0.05109067734654912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611491423893251,0.0,0.0,0.04064389865639754,0.059983796461628824,0.0571974670599648,0.07884607556875013,0.07878237033826549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073395520651193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928717374190478,0.07096808463817944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790912211604995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05051350258626209,0.1397554159049062,0.0,0.06314948418776517,0.0,0.06005499643848222,0.0,0.0,0.06079990861104208,0.0,0.0,0.09547428419961056,0.0,0.07184691782291233,0.0,0.07943758271401227,0.07204432813500254,0.07207078906682582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600964355330432,0.10514422148372972,0.0530278265528883,0.0,0.0,0.0760575304761187,0.0,0.0,0.06862103741051255,0.0,0.0,0.07616165836636057,0.04846074401487899,0.0,0.6087801528814206,0.0,0.07940948369617966,0.07744430199054801,0.06826962334407485,0.0991596664316124,0.0,0.14943692273607634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275695934206255,0.0,0.0684306615353642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056871984731314676,0.0,0.0,0.11397716608635935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055056114901036415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057112359341942226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740249901754755,0.0,0.0,0.0574814385293394,0.18752306029122315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778831845420095,0.0,0.0,0.04855432045990312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176641804295506,0.0,0.0,0.04218168642847294,0.0,0.0,0.08708659532301039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079844485932902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603206270465708,0.0,0.07288038977130443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605362812930115
suicidewatch,CuriousForThisLife,2019/03/29,"I run out of dreams Im 21 years old and since I can remember, I “outdreamed” all disappointing aspects of my life.
I was always lonely, I dreamed so so hard of being likable enough to have some friends some day.
A terrible personality and a low IQ have caused me to not finish school, but I dreamed about success.
I hoped and dreamed and kept trying.
My brain is wired to fail and hate itself. I am infinitely lonely and tired.
Empty and in constant tension because I can’t bear everyday life. 
No, not everyone will be okay at the end, and I won’t wait until I have prove that I’ll die alone and in pain.
I used to crave love and friendship and growth... But it is just how it is you know...
I crave nothingness now, nothingness and nothing else.
Right now I’m hiding in a bathroom stall, I just need to tell someone that I’m done.
Life failed me. I failed Life. We are not compatible.
I’m gonna break up with this unforgiving existence, and as I don’t meet any of its expectations it won’t be very sad to lose me.
I don’t want to pretend that I’ll keep on trying. I won’t. I’ve been there so many times. Life really, really isn’t for every single one of us.
I can’t breathe properly because of the constant knot in my chest, it’s growing. It’s outgrowing me.
I’ve been to therapy almost my whole life. 
I’ve tried this and that. 
I want to walk out, I want my money back, this movie is shit and I know it’s going to suck the remaining time that it has left.
I want to disappear. I wish I could just press a button and dissolve.
I wish I could say there is hope but there isn’t and at this point I’ve had enough strangers on the internet telling me it is going to be okay and they were always wrong. So was I, in believing in my own happiness.
Humans suck. This physical world sucks. 
Maybe not for everyone but it sucks for me. 
I don’t like it.
And i want to leave.
I failed myself. My dreams failed me.
I want to stop being.
But I am and I know for sure that I’ll change that.",0.5621443647108499,2.759673796116509,2.4239172646686384,93.63684888138457,85.31067961165049,6.009793161671594,20.121570282819754,7.34059242885,0.4748119881806661,1532,46,349,25,46,507,195,412,0.233,0.632,0.135,-0.9939,0,5,0,0,0,0,55.0,2,1,1,7,15,31,6,1,8,2,39,13,4,3,3,67,69,32,1,14,12,0,2,1,1,5,8,1,0,2,24,24,0,4,5,6,1,7,17,21,0,2,8,3,53,10,41,49,8,42,0,11,0,1,12,18,5,5,17,221,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145431358679404,0.09459086502265243,0.0,0.0,0.1519886021179603,0.0,0.0,0.0621078789871136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022752506774188,0.0,0.11134846298619552,0.0,0.0,0.10289821000405833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195505451564026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938215924160621,0.09661557010063276,0.0,0.0,0.1973916721541325,0.0,0.145839961983545,0.0,0.0,0.058900623678833315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478665065641684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346282150310667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629492223589203,0.0,0.08089172395886894,0.18873766303272485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694989413704865,0.17454043330477656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056172584633479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381046764323536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972230266962584,0.0818141982549649,0.09016997089090888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142360879868888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865262371913484,0.0,0.0,0.08117875410340603,0.0,0.0,0.15057858019168918,0.0,0.0,0.09670582351996784,0.09923086687247512,0.0,0.3870566431219248,0.04461947414116832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217547979397278,0.0,0.0,0.08242935149478878,0.0,0.0,0.09259480274232484,0.0917537734381152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772041628065152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876340880087788,0.0,0.09583600730951272,0.0,0.0618879175574837,0.0,0.09718210243684536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974627897433936,0.0,0.0,0.08633685303907024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701732733738245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345966456161823,0.07799575693358846,0.0,0.07262968767671868,0.0,0.09243135251504968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374945655914793,0.0755495420574496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738404515605488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763563962758199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607792528083362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596537834398778,0.0,0.10444439827362224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065111102497594,0.1049709865427838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602226458344434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985935888546673,0.07888023730072775,0.0,0.07535723605575513,0.3232146082593505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196725335702517,0.21005115952146716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985557591267973,0.0,0.058813854364557674
suicidewatch,morrisseysflower,2019/03/29,"Anxiety is the thief of joy I'm not who I want to be because of my anxiety.

I'm a 20 year old girl
I have never been to a house party, never been drunk, never been asked out ""organically"", never been on a road trip, never done any of those stereotypical youthful things. Thought I have strict parents, my anxiety has played a crucial role in holding me back in life.

I tried to I study abroad this semester to force myself into being cured but I've just gotten worse. I just returned from a short holiday where I spent most of my time in bed in my.hotel room. I can't believe I spent hundreds of dollars to do the same thing I do in my dorm, and essentially the same thing I do in my room at home

My anxiety manifests in numb limbs, nausea , sweats, doom. I become an undignified mess, pinching myself, rocking back and forth, lying on the ground. I'm a mess.

I even have anxiety about my anxiety. I see online people bravely sharing their experience with anxiety and I think. Literally everyone is dealing with this is you stupid crybaby. Get it the fuck together

Right now the only thing that brings me comfort is reading in bed (Reddit, news , books). That's the very minimum function expected by a human being. I feel like I'm not worth the youth that I have


And it's better I die now 
",3.21203463203463,5.228914460317462,4.751082251082251,81.40149350649351,75.03174603174601,7.915151515151516,27.327561327561327,8.710501217029153,2.220001587301588,1012,40,192,21,22,339,148,252,0.197,0.6890000000000001,0.114,-0.9682,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,1,9,14,2,0,16,0,21,5,1,0,5,28,37,5,1,2,5,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,13,8,1,1,3,6,4,2,8,7,0,0,9,2,31,7,28,25,3,37,1,1,1,1,10,20,1,1,16,132,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767545268734185,0.0,0.6044092569499221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551691646748904,0.0,0.0,0.17357799197052154,0.0,0.06880365852101511,0.1246545147784181,0.0,0.12716427535098798,0.0,0.0998231155126236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163625833581201,0.0,0.0,0.11713980003340298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550377764814905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454865401240596,0.0,0.0,0.10785079604287563,0.0,0.11040716073283152,0.0,0.0,0.057069761760546914,0.08063335926315073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434521343922498,0.058969191507868564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321642099872048,0.0,0.0,0.13023522469960913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972243887178132,0.05514190281327569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352561601274109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843662218774767,0.0,0.0,0.08584166579783985,0.0,0.0,0.12532723698970208,0.0,0.0,0.07824888436651785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289915626679455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963891783007731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994167094809488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999395633082804,0.07232164940219954,0.0,0.08960507071300483,0.06581459556587843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663037894106058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931284258016296,0.06657283192864857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150227586885766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268368585393803
suicidewatch,fridayrobots,2019/03/29,"too scared i’ve been suicidal for months now and i don’t know what to do. i’ve given up on school, my grades are garbage, i’m throwing away my future, and i cant see myself living through or even making it to college. i wish i could just fucking do it and get it over with but there’s just Something that’s keeping me here. i’m so so so fucking tired of it man. i just want to end my fucking life. ",-0.8379545454545472,1.213897477272731,1.2072727272727306,100.6559090909091,91.27272727272728,3.6545454545454548,19.363636363636363,4.851557810540192,-0.6305818181818186,310,10,75,1,11,102,60,88,0.118,0.8420000000000001,0.04,-0.8178,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,3,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,0,15,20,8,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,10,0,11,17,0,9,0,0,1,3,1,4,3,1,4,50,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214906478468084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178704026385685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056710728302165,0.0,0.0,0.142110561770532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5967333855865451,0.11241175368428127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124330135666104,0.0,0.0,0.1182458189851636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519732411520182,0.0,0.0,0.18998943446267488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362037547986056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173794744973853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154118021458576,0.21775250432302146,0.17145395251384485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656399932366594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353491426647549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472937437243241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269064166129822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474223560361009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AMentalMammal,2019/03/29,"I didn’t mean for this to happen I don’t know of this is the place to post, but here goes.

On Valentine’s Day, my dog Zeus died of a sudden and violent illness that had him throwing up all over. He was only eleven and half. I was going to take him to the vet, but I wasn’t fast enough. The guilt I felt and still feel weighs heavy on my heart. For years up until that point, I was sure that after Zues passed I would take my life. He was my only friend, and the only reason I’ve survived as long as I did. But, I was so consumed with mourning him that I didn’t, and almost three weeks ago I adopted a new dog. Now though, I’m starting to feel very weak and tired again. I love this new dog so much already, and I can’t abandon him, but I also can’t stick around with him until he passes. I don’t know what to do. I need to stop the pain now, but I made a commitment to this dog.",1.8868467801628408,2.556283062176167,3.2372057735011097,96.40726683937824,75.89119170984455,5.928793486306441,20.00333086602517,5.288315135182226,-0.40951043671354537,673,12,168,2,14,220,103,193,0.193,0.7070000000000001,0.1,-0.9658,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,1,8,0,17,8,1,2,3,31,32,20,2,2,5,0,3,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,9,10,1,2,7,0,0,4,7,6,0,3,12,3,26,3,25,19,3,31,0,2,0,1,10,8,0,1,18,112,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666286896936694,0.0,0.15437951166274025,0.0,0.17013100886958896,0.12329011375031967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724445397632726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942723490608707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000466535235586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929936548977766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559065002609038,0.0,0.14802788189696178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911176576596501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761866265079896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633248677394655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826928153282209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694561781007014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889520170868988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364360638344415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391449187179663,0.14587987916185996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679368991914307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333307552194798,0.11431549136370217,0.0,0.29779770895350666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517608960922465,0.16404830923934682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107538589589526,0.0,0.14574097916136006,0.0,0.1476527470089347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851297754650334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912269164455647,0.0,0.12312078102244685,0.1288934628348675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453038959959546,0.0,0.2318340972263197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147175879308464,0.0,0.0,0.17719633996106102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720682979595627,0.0,0.0,0.12366629634223965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951831813171417,0.0,0.0,0.09928076391046288
suicidewatch,RedKnightXIV,2019/03/29,"I am drunk at 9.00am So I may have a problem with alcohol. I have been drunk for the last month. My life is over. I can't kill myself as o have a disabled partner who depends on me, but our lives are insufferable. I dream of biting off my own tongue so I would never have to talk to anyone ever again. My shrink tells me I am an interesting case of bipolar disorder but I really don't trust him anymore. It's all just over. Good bye cruel beautiful world. I wasn't good enough for you.",0.4524917491749143,2.7478709405940585,2.5301237623762383,91.91386551155121,87.11881188118812,5.742904290429043,19.307755775577558,7.1686216300943375,0.40711815181518096,379,11,83,6,12,127,75,101,0.19,0.653,0.158,-0.3803,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,1,1,0,0,5,7,2,0,4,0,14,5,0,1,3,11,14,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,18,4,13,10,3,11,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26496740002815417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458851640945179,0.1733621044725965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841552977319869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561834095693252,0.0,0.0,0.22427164486238305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159126799100009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743036398583263,0.0,0.0,0.20210033525482293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17512401241335615,0.0,0.0,0.2189313844136971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978995658251967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122296374232656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372405675038753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883368170550374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992809771478271,0.21670635280240216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612610108657975,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaanalen,2019/03/29,"I'm not gonna make a sucide note but I'm gonna leave this I have no hope anymore. I don't want to be criticised by anyone anymore. I have my plan.

 I just want to say goodbye to someone but I don't have anyone that I want to say goodbye to. So I'm gonna say goodbye to you guys.

I want an F in the chat.",-2.405677321156773,-0.761901095890412,1.1514155251141571,101.25427701674278,94.2054794520548,3.792389649923897,17.700152207001523,5.033348758259628,-0.8321098934550992,232,7,63,1,9,84,39,73,0.202,0.7390000000000001,0.059,-0.6465,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,18,3,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,8,14,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287696986544072,0.3023054179236117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140445784938496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470788521714265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889526885328454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429669892257413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157267044231301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831621010630507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100161290669822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,viananana,2019/03/29,"why do i do this i have always lied about being some crazy famous person to my friends
i do this mostly because if i don't, i'll have nobody 
but the thing is, i still am so lonely 
and there's no point in ""telling the truth"" cuz honestly, real me is boring and a terrible person 
i've wanted to stop lying for so long now but i just can't 
but, i've gone in too deep
it's too late
i am deathly afraid of the time when it will all be revealed, which will come eventually 
because everyone will hate me more than they do now.
i don't even know why i started lying, it didn't even help me with my loneliness
i have no one to turn to
i'm all alone
and honestly, i'm a terrible person 
i am annoying, obnoxious, anxious, ugly, worthless, stupid, and overall just a shit person
nobody will care if i kill myself honestly
and i don't even contribute to anything in this world, to be honest
so, what's the point of even living?
",2.55890625,3.8452583281250017,4.397833333333335,86.33050000000004,75.09375,7.411666666666667,24.25833333333333,8.021203637495839,1.271149583333333,717,22,152,11,15,244,104,192,0.349,0.545,0.106,-0.9961,0,3,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,0,17,18,5,1,7,0,24,1,1,1,3,25,34,15,2,3,7,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,9,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,11,0,1,2,0,20,7,15,25,5,18,0,2,0,0,8,7,1,4,9,110,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946795450202552,0.0,0.0,0.12008255480459674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303611326703046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875985246873948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594750820288518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713988049996035,0.0,0.0,0.12431554016564325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812776877077125,0.0,0.0,0.1379002165680302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149825964546003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248226933270738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673203871616062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966438068961855,0.0,0.07931235349798718,0.0,0.16279484498123348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743375889575426,0.12771520573632456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779232321738306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040450024254638,0.0,0.0,0.2728507201789824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642633148134143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813840114705204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021476772504772,0.0,0.1152510226165682,0.12065472032378345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613863100603426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587720317124286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415187754630839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569744736668787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512137394756067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26044566377644124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,janoodles_,2019/03/29,"i wanna do its i feel that i have no purpose anymore
i'm so lonely everyday i have no one to turn to
i'm even such literal trash haha
i lie everyday about being something i'm not just to get more friends and be less lonely
but it didn't even help
i'm still alone and i'm terrified that my lies will get exposed one day and everything will just disappear 
but i just can't stop lying
i just cause so much trouble and issues for everyone around me
i'm bratty, lazy, have a bit of a superiority complex, am a compulsive liar, and many more 
why would anyone even want me alive?
i'm not even that special in anything 
i feel like nothing will change if i just die
no one will care if i kill myself
i mean, people will have one less mistake to worry about once i'm gone
haha",2.50688034188034,3.9287924135802506,4.274938271604938,86.6087606837607,75.48148148148148,7.206837606837608,24.80721747388414,7.882392219407189,1.2607297245963909,609,20,130,9,13,206,93,162,0.306,0.545,0.149,-0.9855,0,5,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,16,13,2,0,3,2,16,0,0,1,0,27,33,11,2,6,11,0,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,4,2,2,15,7,11,23,6,9,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,86,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574212597034701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507384648783218,0.10627862641696108,0.0,0.12507915586396734,0.13530801461717198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659394677339914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549693070872119,0.1561410106777759,0.16079084115118544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802437449558672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577470926588158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015657676974565,0.0,0.0,0.1452379935073405,0.1366035474077421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370675029136813,0.10858545081559592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174311680828886,0.0,0.15882250975594328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187922514304887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864357162262052,0.0,0.0,0.16816024559694864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425721104175355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540993465510689,0.0,0.16556740729556968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173401179458838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584356030577594,0.0,0.0,0.16187000130138732,0.4119837128031541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537438179930506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701338418618724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138361846764567,0.12707485109982206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532720654576405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965074794231931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371520892641847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435857408195708,0.0,0.10797307841065908,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rogdish,2019/03/29,"I will not suicide... But I don't feel like living. And I don't feel living, either. I'm just a pack of flesh and hair who happens to be here, kind of, but I have no idea what or why or who or whatever.

Once in a while I have these small moments of grace... Sometimes I'm in a beautiful park and the world is colourful and the girls smile and there are fucking butterflies everywhere and I love it.

Sadly, that's like once in a month at best. The rest of the time I do not care about anything besides basic needs. I wonder why the hell I'm still living, since it gives me so little pleasure, so rarely. I do not believe that my existence is pain; but it is numb, idle and boring. It's only existence, not life.

Often, I wonder why I'm still here.

And the answer is simple: I have a family who loves me, and I will not hurt them like that.
Still. I feel like I should not be staying around only for someone else's sake.

I want to want to live. I need to want to live.

I know what I *should* do : I should get out more, invest more time in my studies and hobbies and in anything, really, as long as I do something. But I don't. Mostly, I'm too bored, too deep in idleness to react anymore. But also... Something in me tells me it's not worth it. Is it ?
Should I ?",0.3758766233766265,2.3978831893939407,2.3007792207792237,95.36045454545456,84.53030303030303,4.983549783549783,18.8982683982684,6.18269132825596,-0.18418679653679604,958,25,218,8,28,318,126,264,0.147,0.7170000000000001,0.136,0.1558,0,0,2,0,0,1,50.0,0,0,1,1,15,19,2,0,11,0,24,8,2,1,0,50,47,25,1,9,17,0,4,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,16,13,0,0,8,0,2,0,11,8,0,0,0,5,29,11,24,39,6,24,1,2,1,3,9,14,2,7,13,151,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369483169477845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379244850349542,0.0,0.0,0.1722489592069414,0.09316766062729577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791353929854265,0.10983193945739696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670563640445432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874281905485654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866209118194164,0.0,0.15875443580841586,0.14953515442928464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675448070239236,0.054679398447988116,0.10039733048628977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254857658890334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203837542239906,0.11814595510620925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898502848270528,0.057517208291738765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392292295094194,0.20452212404540196,0.10489464383739999,0.4620739223173052,0.09261888932024788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188915561824658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353688426228148,0.0,0.0,0.15520491495638913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222914354181554,0.0,0.15919399698647066,0.11136331384530417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704648810247857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657404143402142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867624275707807,0.16114142680394505,0.10350927349545004,0.0,0.0,0.11155132541867824,0.2507396432451578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447868327276164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147555952166987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205364878233628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518970549317074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833122489390616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22699391220661805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway072000,2019/03/29,"Kicked out of college I received an email two days ago from my university stating that I have been dropped from the school for low scholarship. I'm a freshman and fucked up my first two quarters. During my fall quarter, I was doing well during the first few weeks, but fell into a period of depression around halfway through the quarter. I ended up doing nothing but stay in bed all day, every day. I skipped my finals and ended with a 1.5 GPA, was put on academic probation, and did pretty much the same thing during winter quarter. Because I failed to raise my GPA the second quarter, I've been dropped. I fucked up so much. This is all my fault. I was too lazy and stupid to do any of my assignments or study. I'm so disappointed in myself. My parents know that I fucked up my first quarter and that I went through a ""brief"" period of depression, but they don't know about my colossal fuck up this quarter or my ongoing depression. They would be so disappointed and upset if they learned that I've been dropped from school. They think that I'm a smart girl that is gonna ""make it big"" in the engineering field and my dad always brags about how his daughter is an engineering student at a big university, but I don't even want to go into that field. 

Also, my grandma gave me $1000 on my birthday to use towards college, and my dad told me not to touch that money because it's going towards tuition. But my dumb and selfish ass has spent all of that money except $45 on food and clothes. My dad has no clue and he'd probably kill me before myself if he found out.

I know that killing myself would hurt a lot of people around me, but living is so painful right now. I know that it's incredibly selfish of me to even think about this, but I'm just struggling so much right now.",7.108813345923827,6.076645756373942,7.134254013220018,78.84303666981431,64.52407932011332,9.884104501101671,34.90856153604029,8.841846274778883,2.7809749449165886,1404,54,280,18,18,451,171,353,0.274,0.703,0.023,-0.9988,1,0,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,4,4,19,24,8,2,15,0,23,7,1,3,3,51,48,29,2,5,14,5,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,18,18,1,0,8,0,5,8,4,22,1,13,12,1,44,2,44,31,9,54,0,8,0,5,17,25,6,5,16,203,62,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072883970621393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185082789620768,0.08516503252724325,0.0,0.0,0.0696028446926623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222989403473125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247856133937992,0.0,0.08709398200266091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802564645957696,0.0,0.264466787468614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130691923319625,0.0,0.0,0.1352050126197699,0.0,0.08623594329874111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212157262954113,0.0,0.2611815825275792,0.12376440003089395,0.1122236445904636,0.0,0.37849096235903135,0.0,0.0,0.11633795864038335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095698933706275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264745648858062,0.0,0.2249998486944159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037865857439548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701597886964918,0.0,0.0,0.06832073013181625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257214088944942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820946902282232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890970506691433,0.0,0.11364974246197455,0.0,0.0,0.07095796388555425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412874264714013,0.11035272743551802,0.0,0.0,0.1028919926971404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481603445712807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717130189464594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090935742810954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070004948047769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799809630955185,0.13116601030086636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780168691981067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999659912141996,0.0,0.0,0.08839923365120954,0.0,0.0,0.06036983967241623,0.0,0.08210057100741243,0.0,0.09202670678539708,0.09488129519545654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454157959012803,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idfuckmarlonbrando,2019/03/29,"I don't know how to reach out for help I'm going through some stuff right now and I honestly don't know how to explain what's happening to me, all I know is that I can see and I can feel myself falling deeper into some sort of melancholy. I'm having suicidal thoughts constantly and it's been a while since I the last time I felt happy. Some days are getting rougher and I'm getting to a point where there's not only this profound misery for itself but I also feel very overwhelmed, I feel like I'm constantly responsible for the feelings of others and my own- not to mention  studying a lot and dealing with my own (many) failures.

The things is I can't help but make everything seem as good as I can. I put on my happy face when around people I love, I'm doing well with my studies, I eat as usual when I'm with someone. But that's not true when I'm on my own, I'm barely eating when alone, I'm constantly trying to hold tests back and I feel incredibly lonely even though I have friends who I cold easily reach out to. I want to kill myself and I know how important it is to ask for help before something happens, before it gets worst. I can't even tell my therapist about it, the only way I'm able to do it is through an (sort of) anonymous way, but that's not very helpful in my situation.

I feel guilty. I'm already putting everyone I love and care about through so much, I'm aware that I'm a burden already, I don't want to make it heavier by adding this, I don't know how to even mention not feeling well without making everyone feel worst.",4.140517598343688,4.6203287453416175,5.194968944099379,85.1275672877847,70.55279503105591,7.996687370600416,29.30848861283644,7.957251820313856,1.7826463768115943,1224,45,258,15,21,404,153,322,0.147,0.664,0.189,0.8938,0,3,1,0,0,2,27.0,0,0,0,0,23,18,1,1,9,0,19,5,1,7,2,61,65,28,2,2,10,0,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,18,16,2,1,17,0,0,4,12,6,2,0,3,11,34,12,39,62,11,30,0,2,1,2,14,10,0,7,15,169,52,1,0.08875288204751827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192121933247828,0.19588202463931426,0.07097564770786728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900888172598633,0.08297196395602685,0.0,0.0,0.06824548790607941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104433132759054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048947831696064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28773100636313226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057238266577911236,0.09150032426501843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816327110318092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586132463205942,0.0,0.0,0.1696143644352125,0.07976536756543859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35900899111160833,0.06340507666841141,0.08521668507612436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857025650886964,0.0,0.13910915318913167,0.0,0.05044030817857405,0.07444170660949066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569677609674525,0.18895818658543773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23795674402396366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819191415211244,0.0,0.2438813144246493,0.07234544455809687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336017508718165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545452648370328,0.16020588238350286,0.0,0.17772971383242653,0.08998149208051437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524358034241848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350011323103472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153007338172579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839001610015912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844232033653126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579447633107192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072455611749684,0.08079729049092985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341730117668377,0.09976195802139697,0.0,0.0,0.0752000289448739,0.06832630467368167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160081600341753,0.09708124778432363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775739308511584,0.0,0.0,0.1030489366849549,0.05896347114035715,0.0,0.08719925598869151,0.0704598745526021,0.05175251925367883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025738101807952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097748760662612,0.14646084528588593,0.10469749867901744,0.14089581332541226,0.0,0.0,0.15959899950671522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555461113982596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Masslove360,2019/03/29,"Im so tired I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of existing. I deal with PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Autism, a visual impairment, chronic pain and I'm deaf. I'm so tired. Every day is a struggle just to exist. I hardly sleep and when I do I have nightmares. During the day my anxious thoughts hijack any and every thought. Every movement is painful and so much effort. Even eating is a lot of effort. I eat twice a day, and I'm still fat. I used to cut, but I cut too deep and scared myself. I would kill myself, I used to walk along bridges and stand there or stand in front of cars. But I always chickened out.  I wish i had the guts to do it. But I picture my mother, already having lost a kid, and my brother who wouldn't understand. How can I do that to them. But living, my torturing myself to keep them pain free. It's a lonely existence and I'm sick of it.",0.16335626535626346,2.3884828810810848,2.296031941031945,93.57869164619169,87.75675675675676,4.877149877149877,19.76044226044226,6.351523495107088,0.11943243243243228,683,21,148,7,22,229,101,185,0.303,0.657,0.04,-0.993,0,2,0,0,2,1,30.0,0,0,2,3,10,15,5,2,8,0,13,17,3,3,0,29,28,19,1,3,6,2,1,0,0,2,13,1,0,1,5,12,3,1,3,0,1,4,1,14,0,1,4,2,23,2,17,21,2,15,0,3,0,0,8,4,0,2,5,93,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463323177525928,0.0,0.08643577938553343,0.0,0.0,0.07064138825445765,0.0,0.07946727001746247,0.11735387826445907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098038575376898,0.10709484852729118,0.08947096485530581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258862011475452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861120283657679,0.0,0.2625680076276242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305531983881296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220731424285588,0.0,0.0,0.09233256682009196,0.11492689514703265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172719791069124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339636987303303,0.088314343685447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636313215581424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421389840764045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142917443130948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400115703072738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039541762935679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295802817530891,0.0,0.0,0.10859704844391477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493689291432895,0.0,0.5969690429583657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814186490101918,0.0,0.1794364760039739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945590281817298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379277199051212,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadsaltylemon,2019/03/29,dont even know anymore..just rather die next year the only thing stopping me from killing myself is it'll break my moms heart,1.953466666666668,4.638514480000001,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,84.2,3.333333333333334,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.6720666666666664,102,3,21,0,3,29,25,25,0.343,0.657,0.0,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320997948637162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624898216733636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428552041936307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665144314508785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421875672579961,0.0,0.1699796860123799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622409521392579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32893727602729383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523173695743024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25858331737777396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548093924872135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991749520816066
suicidewatch,jhftp72,2019/03/29,"I have planned my suicide for 5 years and its finally coming up. I have not been in the best mental state for as long as i can remember. This has plagued my life for so long. 16 is when i decided i would be the one to take my own life, but I gave myself till i turned 21 before i did anything. I have kept this completely to myself until now. I turn 21 in November of this year now and i have done nothing during that time. I dropped out of college and am just barely scraping by on a part time job that i am half assing. I have never had the energy to do anything and i don’t think i will. It almost seems liberating that my 21st birthday is coming, i’m excited for it as terrible as that sounds. Iv been counting down for so long and it’s coming up. ",1.9850072568940504,3.3765440754716987,3.9485534591194975,88.53775036284473,76.79874213836476,7.15645863570392,24.18045476536043,7.882392219407189,1.1621229801644897,584,19,129,9,13,199,96,159,0.062,0.9,0.039,-0.5301,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,21,5,1,0,1,20,32,15,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,7,1,22,2,24,22,3,26,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,2,14,101,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397477338579374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530731845600594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084382598590982,0.0,0.16136828235633816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3973682475940841,0.16122107712300576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735634762902842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844350437390745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258936133368667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172194201847912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082351042109444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496029983885887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859407724191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754294590179798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419604836013167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651395680070913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418728303424402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399830966737793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819541362379786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561314775209933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852725890147193,0.0,0.0,0.1793247734368667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345072355657654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109231192884994,0.0,0.0,0.1980409571197198
suicidewatch,ColtAzayaka,2019/03/29,I want to describe how bad I'm feeling. I don't even have the energy to do it. I'm reaching the end. I can feel it. ,-3.295357142857142,-1.7580212499999988,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,100.78571428571428,4.228571428571429,17.714285714285715,5.985473137389443,-0.4267428571428571,87,3,24,1,4,33,19,28,0.129,0.625,0.246,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,9,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604383153088621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884216567873315,0.0,0.0,0.3642279982969844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576601043895609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32525992099465784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BurpSlurper,2019/03/29,"never gonna be good enough i was stupid and let myself basically starve for a good two years and now i really, really regret it. eating disorders fucking suck. i physically can’t gain weight and i’m tired of looking like i’m 12. i just want curves and to look my age. i’m just so fucking tired of never feeling pretty. 

i always look at myself in the mirror and get so angry. i literally look like a fucking ruler and no matter what i do, i wont gain. i’ve tried for months and i always lose weight instead. 

this past week i’ve lost 5 fucking pounds even though i’ve been eating more??? like what the fuck??? i just want to look like an actual fucking woman, but nope. i guess i’ve just been cursed.

i want to go back to how i looked before i developed my ED, i actually looked somewhat decent. 

i don’t know what to do. i’m done trying, i’m done feeling like i’m never going to be good enough. i think about killing myself every single day but i’m so scared of what happens after we die. that’s the one thing holding me back other than my little sister. 

i feel so empty, ugly, and worthless. 

thanks for coming to my TED talk. ",0.7991812479366125,3.054302858369102,2.9462017167381984,89.90127022119516,84.79399141630901,5.129679762297788,17.545229448662926,6.490185161304077,-0.07015008253549038,878,20,182,9,26,297,128,233,0.254,0.652,0.094,-0.9909,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,0,4,16,23,9,1,6,0,13,12,0,1,3,33,51,16,2,4,6,1,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,9,10,4,1,5,0,0,3,8,14,0,2,6,12,27,9,18,40,5,19,0,4,7,6,4,3,7,2,18,110,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.1595825348337081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607078003890175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257451411883201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957636083803037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043368018286435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052731939744642034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848596099468265,0.0,0.09371026958999684,0.0,0.0,0.1673488518131656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733290063472184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897109831729604,0.0,0.05400529708732432,0.0,0.0688909034837542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402917850407827,0.058413241390391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535449493551824,0.04271906379224222,0.0,0.09293835926890866,0.20574289660275194,0.0,0.0,0.09007384233059333,0.0,0.07230490201795636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904613366205334,0.0,0.04493614340881392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361069461597873,0.0,0.19973230119592394,0.0819504440199139,0.0,0.0,0.4806365916634213,0.09147460429713372,0.08925662851595627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526438821743953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918762691160385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540637323905577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805435737284999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318484016273907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476205970041996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186146213247365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571995750821681,0.0,0.07527862481019686,0.0,0.0,0.054321320214615706,0.05239198766970527,0.08033412238846131,0.0,0.0,0.18795467319640266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102672302943313,0.0,0.07987294667287398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468211185890234,0.0,0.06558729802072362,0.1991365383537589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052654257812494484
suicidewatch,nobodyimportant1010,2019/03/29,"Im going to end my life because i have a small penis I have a 4in/10cm penis, it's scientifically below average. Penis is a status symbol and women will reject all small cocks. It's just part of their biology. Woman are naturally attracted to guys with big penises because men with bigger penises tend to be more fertile. It's the same reason why men are attracted to women with curves. You're always going to be seen as inferior and the butt of the jokes. You'll never know what it feels like to make way in a room. No women will ever look at it in awe. And don't give me that ""oh well it's just a minor part of the body"" when it is. As a man, dick are literally always the thing that everyone brags about or insults. Tell me a single reason why I shouldn't end it all next week.",2.652250712250712,4.110269296296302,4.930493827160493,81.9087606837607,75.17283950617283,7.206837606837608,21.72079772079772,7.882392219407189,0.9613470085470084,614,15,125,9,13,215,99,162,0.087,0.836,0.077,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,1,0,6,8,1,0,12,0,14,7,6,3,4,20,23,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,8,12,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,3,8,5,19,16,7,19,0,2,2,5,13,9,3,1,8,82,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818432459476748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064813532198767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881214958164593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300006523294115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319639854254372,0.0,0.16183135309565028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563383030463771,0.12099127788556878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246616199644742,0.192503113761174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769366436386635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829385579102573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930761807574668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962443141890824,0.08274105590276473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222028635907352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304954495089592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062136937521268,0.0,0.18011696620709916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668021466709013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34826189793458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802866769443432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251568638816707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443059608711996,0.13585089290892147,0.0,0.15227555831657935,0.0,0.3056432776234496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twiceadad,2019/03/29,"My kids have kept me alive And for a long time it's been enough. 
Took a gun into my car tonight after an argument with my current gf who cares about nothing but herself and her selfish relationship with our infant son and pulled the trigger with it next to my head. 
Closest I've came and I hoped it would scare me but I'm wondering why I dint just aim left a little more. ",4.314805194805197,4.804645935064933,4.821194805194806,87.92607792207794,70.16883116883116,7.718441558441559,28.387012987012987,7.554174236665415,1.4202696103896106,295,10,64,3,5,94,60,77,0.147,0.764,0.08900000000000001,-0.6908,1,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,3,1,1,1,0,17,10,6,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,4,0,11,2,8,5,2,14,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,6,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798822735681511,0.24949746325267105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285014500944364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511423634683799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430515725148681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658773948447982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245263028534182,0.0,0.21656004980930066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602511405855161,0.0,0.0,0.23480519473156855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627262323970502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449967216525136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269197381711213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718810612585276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081210140509008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653768215892791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383448161048265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DOOMmaster9000,2019/03/29,Hell  Do you think that christian hell is real? and that if i kill my self i'll go to hell? ,-0.7042857142857137,0.7008702380952414,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,84.71428571428572,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.4603523809523808,69,1,19,0,2,23,17,21,0.557,0.443,0.0,-0.9677,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727590262035377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.530978732135667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462729148436785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006785372551636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30752399009559944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,upwaytool8,2019/03/29,"I nearly drove myself into oncoming traffic on purpose When I've been this suicidal before I've thought about driving into the opposite going lane but this time was different. I don't really know how describe it, it just felt like a natural decision that I was going to do it, I was going to get hit headon by another vehicle and die due to the high speed limit. It didn't feel like I was thinking just that I was doing it? I've made suicide attempts before but in those times I my thoughts were acting as normal. I don't know if it was the car behind me not slowing down when I was and closing the distance way too much, but I snapped out of it and just ended up cursing and yelling at myself  while I went back to driving like usual. None of my suicidal plans have ever been this fucking selfish and apathetic towards other people. I acknowledge my suicide would already be an extremely selfish decision towards the people that depend on me, but I've never thought of doing something that would also harm a complete stranger.

I can't tell any of the people in my life this or, for the most part, anything of a similar nature. My boyfriend is struggling and nearly consumed by his problems and mental health. My two friends had major issues with me where they simultaneously said I didn't open up or consider my needs, yet somehow only treated them as a counselor at the same time so I've decided not to speak to them about anything like this when it concerns me in order to prevent issues. The younger sister that I've raised for the most part is like my child and I can't let her think I'm struggling more than she already does. I have no faith in my parents and it's already taking constant pressure from me for them to be helping my sister through her problems, let alone helping another of their children. I have very kind professors and counselors at my college but they already know how anxious I am and I don't want that impression of my to go any further.

People depend on me and my death would cause them suffering, I know that, but I'm tired. The ones depending on me has stopped me time and time again but I don't really care anymore. I love them, but I'm so fucking tired and theres never going to be relief. I need to protect and continue raising my sister, my parents haven't and likely still won't/wouldn't even be able to after my death, but I don't really care anymore. My boyfriend would fall apart if I died, but I'm tired. My two capable older siblings chose to follow their dream or comfort careers which don't make much money. I need to be the one to make enough money to care for my immigrant mom and other siblings when my dad passes, due to my parents mismanagement of money, but I'm tired and don't know how much longer I can force myself towards that. I know I'm being selfish and stupid but I keep caring less and less. ",7.037058823529414,6.482266101604277,7.268062388591801,76.26091711229948,64.45454545454545,9.547736185383243,36.168805704099825,8.745826893841286,3.092798645276292,2277,98,416,29,30,740,252,561,0.204,0.693,0.102,-0.9972,5,1,1,0,1,2,38.0,0,0,9,3,25,31,3,3,17,0,46,9,0,10,3,97,92,50,8,13,22,8,2,6,1,4,6,3,0,2,26,26,0,5,17,1,3,14,18,13,0,4,21,5,74,18,63,58,14,72,1,1,0,3,30,28,2,11,34,309,100,3,0.0632350643891517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549245600955822,0.2791258639716657,0.05056905814580511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600402441475513,0.13261495715771773,0.0,0.07143762361426874,0.12542438421072055,0.0,0.0,0.1040741400312017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862386124767738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761676462520722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578894501634387,0.06495983002781665,0.0,0.0,0.06630076191457925,0.06833463993648738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312560266136082,0.06606718338927968,0.0,0.0,0.05533743098052573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600749788729435,0.06533872531220322,0.0,0.04176616364493877,0.05719973601574638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031973548556249023,0.045175142634573284,0.060715578395907036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488552538856992,0.1169195961430366,0.033037711212297774,0.0,0.1796897217249281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672159164407473,0.0,0.0,0.08477026144419714,0.0668113173730886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200195647354035,0.0,0.05620623070478165,0.0,0.06584958868742173,0.20851402589085669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932427528919582,0.0446647960610843,0.1853607500043651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057072114472957236,0.0598345468849078,0.08441979301616201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372607185839183,0.0,0.0,0.0740601431510593,0.0,0.0,0.1394551447373642,0.1406639969878935,0.0975415599499563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195693702593388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569943233283718,0.04809311594908314,0.0,0.0,0.2106451669164477,0.13695482504282286,0.0,0.1753569264411941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210148330768642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153000442216533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015102691812236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868144195249681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504996041052392,0.05286734530807976,0.0,0.13221403820799665,0.0,0.2766755879018828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047544898719779134,0.0,0.05527023347440433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103695188115627,0.0,0.1506047330992537,0.18436437284115792,0.2907176170462901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235429389879504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964448964204523,0.05217555063273325,0.037297679340746084,0.05019305076213845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861953821374415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968150175768902,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TacoPirate72,2019/03/29,"Considering Always had some MH issues. Moved to large city after college grad. Blacked out frequently and made mistakes (Xenophobic rants) that were spread in (liberal) city via secret Facebook groups. Was flicked off, harassed and told to kill myself in public. Moved cities, new job, was fired. Developed delusional disorder. Life is so painful I can’t see living like this. Considering refilling my clonopin Rx (have been off it for awhile) and mixing with large quantities of liquor to fade away. I did everything right: Varsity captain/99th pctile on entrance exams, heavy EC commitments in college, decent grades @ elite uni, but let my guard down and exposed my xeno/racist faults when self medicating. Not looking for sympathy at all. You reap what you sow, and I’ll be paying for mistakes I can’t even remember the remainder of my (hopefully short) life. Simply wondering if anyone has any silver lining. My friends and “everybody hates me”, I’m a burden to my family, and I don’t see any reason to keep it up. I could simply slip into the void. I highly doubt any deity exists, so it’s the prospect of a neutral “nothing” vs utter despair and pain for decades.

Thank you to any who read this.",4.916915887850465,7.646075691588784,4.904495327102803,78.95767757009347,72.45794392523366,8.205233644859812,29.39158878504673,8.982922981607832,2.8534325233644857,954,40,156,21,20,296,157,214,0.173,0.759,0.068,-0.9741,1,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,3,0,1,4,15,3,1,5,0,15,7,0,2,2,30,26,13,1,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,8,11,1,2,4,2,1,2,4,11,0,0,8,5,17,4,27,15,2,22,0,1,4,0,10,15,0,5,6,89,25,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824194659710265,0.0,0.0,0.3865424858505649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936245019586973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351142516534714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134585143641114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286354336019332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385837947477686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771394995856605,0.0,0.1339630437888227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978923028512798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029832150795535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014072234458142,0.0,0.14114137747236558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831969997809324,0.14101633459485974,0.12630860174718314,0.15721706792199808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453110107093204,0.2007445746515326,0.06942485693099723,0.0,0.12548047248444308,0.0,0.1193316053975354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134462280399209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431548721336325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020682150968575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137244969195236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635266079199435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024174393712317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421424972945524,0.0,0.0,0.14610662249125278,0.0,0.0,0.16097617797095887,0.12135607535865572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264770462800568,0.0,0.14824550746529655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083030952223335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578650179203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410577171253564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,averyverysadboi,2019/03/29,"Succeeding in college or death. Surely I can't be the only one like this... It has been instilled into me that I HAVE to succeed in college and go onto be somewhere with a good job in a science field by my parents. Throughout my entire life this has been told to me nonstop since I was a child. I have an idea of what I'd like to do but classes are insanely difficult and really puts a toll on me. I'm currently a sophmore rn in college and I'm extremely behind in classes compared to everyone else. I definitely will not graduate in 4 years. I struggle with classes a lot already and I don't see how I can succeed through life. I've nearly failed the important classes for my major and It""s gotten to the point where I've devised a game with myself where if I fail a class that's it. Game over only option left is death. I've never had a job because my parents constantly told me that working will just get in the way of school and I won't have time to work on school so I don't even have money to use and enjoy things. I literally feel like a waste of life, I'm just cruising along everyday going to school. I've tried to master the important classes, but every test my grade slowly plummets and I can't get a grip on it. It doesn't help that my family's reputation is on me since everyone believes I'm going to be successful. I've done so much scenarios of methods where I end it all... Cutting my throat with a knife regardless of how painful it may be, or hanging myself. I've cut my neck already many times to have a feel of it. I only see the a path where I magically master everything in school or cruise along and eventually fail everything and have nothing left to show but failiure. I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up... ",3.6631070047271166,4.781443217877096,5.205698324022347,82.26481736140956,72.12849162011173,8.300988397077782,29.691018478727976,8.730908602173464,2.304254490760636,1384,57,278,25,26,468,172,358,0.119,0.779,0.102,-0.8803,5,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,11,13,18,2,1,21,0,33,6,2,4,3,44,52,22,2,2,11,2,3,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,16,17,0,1,4,5,1,7,9,8,0,1,8,5,33,10,45,36,5,40,0,3,2,0,8,24,0,7,11,185,49,27,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476415730097812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208022503852141,0.0,0.0,0.11473789330895255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005198544660466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421684926836124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507357559642052,0.0,0.0901992949420975,0.0,0.0,0.0672638245827506,0.0,0.08580390993471762,0.19462342069732755,0.1830529948387136,0.0,0.09600492495615964,0.0,0.10298590886434986,0.07275393774503154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641354712351524,0.0,0.1736326758307881,0.0854178809155043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682606624358633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149640496969467,0.0,0.0,0.20211936422874535,0.09051935137552866,0.0,0.0,0.055968155545712536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129715600922265,0.0,0.21579609509870573,0.1492604525377756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658003760621777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324895445307897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972704495948067,0.0,0.07854466158034097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771744950453512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690088708204327,0.2323598793275108,0.10836407844702726,0.0,0.2261607374671919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962709519654118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237651420829233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524079290983695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122667892028705,0.16230529866643476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848486083064013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646443313542704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598223143763872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765743271648328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187665014150682,0.0,0.0,0.19462342069732755,0.0,0.06914212516759094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795636242106451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083520886521985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828028656130568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558109948562507
suicidewatch,vikky33,2019/03/29,"I'm having a rough time. Tdlr : transgender and completely abandoned by my friends.

I came out about a year ago, at first my friends were really supportive. We would go to the mall buy make up , etc.  Lately however I'm lucky if I can even get someone to respond to a messenger post. I work incredibly hard at my job, 55-. 60 hours a week as an assistant manager only to get yelled at the next day by manager for not doing enough. I suffer most night struggling to lawyer myself out of just ending it. But lately the arguments for continuing to go on for another day are falling flat. I zero friends seemingly and a job I hate.",3.6258196721311515,5.437999614754107,5.223737704918033,79.34052459016394,73.34426229508195,9.47016393442623,29.41311475409836,9.888512548439397,3.0983645901639347,491,21,94,14,10,166,86,122,0.123,0.743,0.134,0.3354,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,2,3,9,1,1,9,0,6,0,0,1,0,16,17,5,0,2,4,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,4,0,2,2,3,11,5,21,14,3,26,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,4,14,60,12,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934650379062372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483576389264953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979258439715798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648190667340323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027593547569657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923073076875547,0.1624275108847664,0.1753172750709266,0.103827767799844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371250162414006,0.0,0.0,0.36435225409036304,0.0,0.16425888848924394,0.0,0.17867844278807976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081849233539162,0.15520043740101536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548083221858688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119894318702761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546522843304833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049308567277895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718181027204074,0.14751963343689609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195561296455697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055218894452152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070503631542477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310711579422786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319331854514901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643374356289853,0.0,0.0,0.1783863783293729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166339267664704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609471879219042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444198466176488,0.0,0.0,0.11166891817633656,0.0,0.0,0.1012303301468545
suicidewatch,starchan786,2019/03/29,"I'm done Tried to kill myself last year ended up in ICU for my trouble (thank God for Canadian health care). Had foot surgery a month ago. Still can't walk well off work for 3 months. Broke and can barely afford rent. Gotta wait on EI to MAYBE com through. Gotta sign up for student loan assistance again. Gotta do my taxes so I can pay rent with refund. 

All that shit and I just don't care. Hooked on Percocet have a problem with them and they are making my life hell but gotta take them for the pain for the fucking foot still. Was doing really well and weened down to like 2 a day and was so much happier before surgery before I got thrown on a high dose again. Now I gotta go through withdrawal again... I can't do it.

I can't do any of it. I'm done. I regret failing in Aug to kill myself. Sure I did see some improvement but now it's all gone. I have enough pills to just end it now and I just... I don't care anymore. It's to hard life keeps shitting on me and I'm tired. So fucking tired. 

I'm done ",-0.2609174311926594,1.7902147064220202,1.4511669724770648,100.18970458715599,87.71559633027523,4.772403669724771,16.976880733944952,6.152001189255117,-0.5897682935779813,778,18,191,7,25,252,119,218,0.231,0.6920000000000001,0.077,-0.9854,3,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,3,2,16,21,7,0,6,0,21,14,4,1,3,24,44,12,2,2,5,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,2,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,6,3,5,13,2,0,9,2,20,8,27,30,5,30,1,3,1,2,3,11,5,1,17,110,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507356426102654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060743417689507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175542407839781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172803144706192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625610607251762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644486051688744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639054346322972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997253233596944,0.12247768719302075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916622423710827,0.0,0.0,0.06736581230829825,0.0,0.09480276149308713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618351017816677,0.0,0.0,0.12599648904819552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252380665688694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535879158440344,0.26228142919132896,0.0,0.0,0.09662132955665316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674486575723828,0.05790990424239326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791226103090348,0.0,0.1190837036059334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892260014769925,0.0,0.08713639837624387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612892362618974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342138066271384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593615065216869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445654368588534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433476483806229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932339697229128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171723796264436,0.0,0.0891230920897285,0.0,0.0,0.10913051940410212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724756351762326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047705429321418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131532624126308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629443080671315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633224595166457
suicidewatch,dominic_l,2019/03/29,"I'm a 32 yo loser and I don't have anything to look forward to anymore. I haven't left my room in over a month and I hope to get brave enough to hang myself soon. I've been staying in bed and haven't left my house for a month straight. I don't have anything to look forward to other than working some minimum wage job to pay off student loan debt. Ive burned all bridges with friends and family. I used to feel very upset about being alone but now I'm use to it. Ive wasted all my chances to have a happy life. I wish someone could help me out somehow but i don't see things getting better. As of now all I have to look forward to is poverty and loneliness. Im a disappointment to my parents. Most people who know me don't like me or don't really think much of me. I often wish I would go insane so I could just check out from reality. 

I try to talk to people to let them know how I feel but I just don't feel like they really understand or even take me seriously. I wish i could just get over it and I don't really understand why i find life so painful. I don't want to live just for the sake of living. I don't get why thats so hard to understand. Maybe people understand but they don't care or don't know what to say.

I feel like i deserve to be where I am. Im too much of a fuck up loser.  Ive been barely eating for the past few months and I kinda want to starve to death but thats really hard. Maybe starving will make it easier to commit to hanging. I started looking up suicide stuff to maybe get some encouragement from statistics. I think a lot about hanging myself in my closet but I'm too afraid. I just don't feel like trying any more. I'm hoping that I'll get brave enough to hang myself soon. 

I don't talk about my feelings to people anymore because they have very predictable responses. Its not their fault because they're just trying to  be helpful but its just more upsetting. They're responses just seem inadequate and generic. I guess im sharing now because sometimes it feels a little better for a little while when i feel like someone understands.",1.7891281755196289,3.6953273787528884,3.4294405311778284,89.75570814087763,78.90762124711317,6.362332563510393,23.06518475750577,7.365786028017652,0.8624457736720554,1637,53,350,22,40,543,188,433,0.205,0.6579999999999999,0.136,-0.986,4,1,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,5,5,27,26,1,3,11,0,36,5,0,4,4,77,86,25,2,11,19,1,10,5,1,2,3,1,3,0,14,11,1,0,20,0,5,8,16,10,0,0,2,16,52,16,54,75,14,38,0,3,5,1,15,20,1,14,20,222,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835764039313222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488327764382501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091148927374485,0.0,0.0,0.10862720795566272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070169021050113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674591170925035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729291955733853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809046159740409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753600329992147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639436847460384,0.0,0.043593362793185854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06222033239275119,0.0,0.2669786986130364,0.18860591543379784,0.0,0.0,0.060324167696277776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099258876390898,0.061017315543102475,0.2068983318139244,0.0,0.037510168738280274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727080841819015,0.0,0.0,0.07025981520777054,0.11824874509871555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847881727001547,0.0,0.0,0.1311087471936655,0.0,0.0761568598922972,0.0,0.0,0.21387881084764312,0.0,0.06549629631535488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088180812511538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342162770037062,0.06749099700147981,0.09323761096791353,0.16122497490334922,0.13230166779552008,0.11656105274957833,0.0,0.2216985205113642,0.0,0.0,0.05611210800795628,0.0,0.0,0.04405650821996394,0.0,0.19892210884931386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804528295276854,0.0,0.0970373812574453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070230240620334,0.0,0.0732868457832984,0.0,0.06300589205243487,0.18302849592879308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912898259210632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05248703530601696,0.0,0.0,0.052594643643239465,0.060085279201327536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118456994695358,0.0,0.06527716294541598,0.0,0.046716195533319016,0.07034880837466477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555591727835667,0.07219491944459652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962490777167113,0.10609899787333614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384845834088324,0.08458218171630613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443204123850622,0.0,0.0,0.3435494026384153,0.0,0.11400819506697188,0.0,0.10891628577635017,0.0778587796890983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191121607684765,0.0,0.2276953745473784,0.0,0.0,0.048049872031824835,0.0,0.0,0.046885566028618215,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nigimitama,2019/03/29,"How long am I supposed to scrape by My friends have all coupled which apparently means you no longer have friends. I work two jobs just to afford a bedroom in this expensive area. Sometimes a friend will make plans to see me otherwise I pretty much work and cook the same meager meal prep with cheap ingredients and sleep and do it over again. I have student loan debt worth another 20 years of payments. I'm not conventially attractive by any stretch of the imagination, and I've not had any romantic interest (save for fat fetishist dudes and im a lesbian) from anyone in a long time.

Literally no one needs me around, and I have no desire to scrape by like this until I drop dead in some office building in 30-40 years (no hope of retirement with wages as stagnant as they are). I just wish there was a means that wouldn't ruin my life if I fail. That's my last point of hesitation. I can't continue on as an island like this anymore. ",6.840380434782606,6.398197059782612,6.784913043478262,79.19052173913047,64.81521739130434,10.403478260869566,33.61739130434783,9.888512548439397,2.9639256521739132,745,28,151,14,10,237,126,184,0.128,0.703,0.16899999999999998,0.8445,5,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,4,6,11,0,0,8,0,12,8,2,2,1,28,20,12,1,6,5,0,0,2,3,2,4,0,1,0,7,9,3,0,3,1,6,0,8,2,0,2,2,1,16,9,26,16,4,20,0,2,1,1,5,10,0,3,11,93,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209833509081382,0.17037399012821006,0.0,0.0,0.16113606832402858,0.11360948926693094,0.0,0.0,0.1446412599845764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797805475985404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376593925223716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137886875230364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550581118586714,0.0,0.16123589665950705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244253084505758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147641214277138,0.15875861601263544,0.0,0.0,0.28757860312160377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084563709118846,0.0,0.0,0.3539757562974621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944117497271844,0.1204765382319482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010035784201344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359570639496326,0.0,0.0,0.16530012945320052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947517652714785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259690519883274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069644378388184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474314062802552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871892521527814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684348044965696,0.0,0.0,0.23657411601179545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092630247444101
suicidewatch,courtshipp,2019/03/29,"I don't want it I can't see a point in living day to day life anymore. It feels so monotonous and linear. I know people care but if I don't want to live anymore i don't see why i should have to. I don't want to live for other people anymore. I just want everything to end. I don't want to reach out because again I just don't care anymore. I don't care whether I am happy or sad, because life will be terrible either way. Whats the point in lying to myself. I have a therapist, and I have medication, and I have friends and family that support me, but it doesn't matter because I still want to die. The funny thing is I can't kill myself. I fantasise about a noose or a belt around my neck as I slowly lose oxygen, or I fantasise about watching the blood leave my wrists, but I just can't kill myself. But I really want to.",1.527118644067798,2.9854970790960493,3.7453333333333347,89.22749152542373,78.20903954802259,6.753898305084746,21.969491525423727,7.554174236665415,0.7405023728813562,641,18,144,9,15,221,84,177,0.184,0.615,0.201,0.9199,0,0,0,0,0,5,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,0,7,0,20,6,3,0,0,30,35,15,3,9,13,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,0,4,28,6,17,32,1,12,0,2,3,0,1,6,0,4,5,99,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310631877666886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673427442415193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872226509534066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323715196363365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401589812627185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277639830902825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624432573482627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766047546880602,0.0,0.10243904096544942,0.0,0.0549439403334605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395377665852767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567517902125865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404419189924849,0.0,0.0597190631764568,0.0,0.0,0.11505981482163664,0.0,0.0,0.15350563203637693,0.0,0.0,0.2878577307065556,0.0,0.0,0.12156756807907172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946786065877977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506683014319493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544579346676314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961313974841453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731827731399489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677945864971412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233109717071234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616763967083022,0.07219173938030657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486511796676329,0.08625267168508556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805263848017222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_Slime_Girl,2019/03/29,"What keeps you going? I know this gets asked here a lot. I mean everything ultimately seems pointless to me. So I'd like to know what y'all hold onto. The biggest reason to live that I grew up with was to do God's work here on Earth. I'm, honestly, jealous of Christians in this respect. They get to hold on to a literal mission from God as their reason to live. Despite the Southern Baptist's best efforts to indoctrinate me my entire childhood all that ended up happening is me developing an unrealistic fear of Hell and a young me believing completely that I had been damned because of my rape. I still have terrifying nightmares about Hell on occasion and I'm 31 at this point; don't think they are going away. All that being said it's becoming more and more difficult for me to see a point in continuing. I have a good method to leave and good company to leave with so why not? I'm in grad school now and that gives me something for short term reasons, but once I think past the next assignment being due and look long term I don't want to grow old and I have no real aspirations. I already tried the go to school then get a job thing. I didn't find any fulfillment in that at all. ",4.6496008403361335,5.482486596638658,5.580997899159668,81.54359768907563,69.58823529411765,9.143277310924367,29.58088235294117,9.354420925462401,2.412478151260504,942,35,193,19,16,310,141,238,0.117,0.821,0.062,-0.8711,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,3,3,7,13,5,1,11,0,14,1,0,3,3,30,37,12,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,3,10,0,0,5,5,7,0,0,5,3,24,6,36,30,9,36,3,0,2,1,8,17,3,2,15,122,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492847941053052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314809722288598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430636323987756,0.0,0.11487711044840765,0.0,0.0,0.07453493000393782,0.1350381031096825,0.0,0.13775692406519904,0.1283152913038984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819823805080127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108295324811437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988879428874948,0.0,0.0,0.13758824679524712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175297402082346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164378708518745,0.11729295477368007,0.2084673393405672,0.2051093007852745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812335303768962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133455263638294,0.108679591844108,0.0,0.0,0.13439328074151402,0.0,0.0,0.25893349916927283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059735164594715624,0.0,0.2159340907171308,0.10820549852878647,0.10267638141276096,0.0,0.0,0.10394996214516694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318836228255446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003600818589972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283022666879017,0.13021403625364145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672097745542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23117018862937205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917053781420785,0.0,0.3771431528436972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163071953499517,0.0,0.0,0.2474884414249218,0.09743371635544466,0.11131042336841396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412976418164072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764533742305427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123105237843578,0.15669193155814015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301360789997292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211827793212718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033006103741938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901434211097692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slamrinmadethebeat,2019/03/29,"Just some ranting I am not in danger of killing myself right now. I just feel like one day it's inevitable that I will. I hate my mind so much. and it hates me. My days are filled with negative self talk, then telling myself to shut the fuck up and then being like psh nobody feels bad for you you're a victim, and when I'm around people i just get manic because of acid trips where i heard voices and now I'm just always listening and not trusting people. That's a start. Beyond that I hate this world, i think its disgusting and often have thoughts along the lines of ""I'll never have kids, fuck this race"" I've had depression for so long and I know deep down inside I'll never feel better because happiness has always just been euphoria/dopamine for me which is addicting and temporary and spiritual teachers will be like ""Beyond happiness lays peace"" but meditation has become super boring to me and reaffirms my un-capability and i think you guys get the gist. I am not above the normal human bullshit like social approval and all this shit that i wanted to be and often get angry at people for not caring about me or wanting to talk to me when that's how i treat them. Really only stay here for my family. thanks for listening",4.81958920758386,6.004608285123968,5.418789499270783,81.56716820612544,69.45454545454545,8.173456490034031,25.39231891103549,8.4952907291091,1.6382816723383562,983,27,186,15,17,317,142,242,0.184,0.6890000000000001,0.126,-0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,2,1,3,20,25,10,0,6,0,15,4,1,1,3,45,40,22,1,3,11,0,3,4,0,2,1,4,0,4,12,16,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,13,0,1,4,8,27,12,24,31,3,27,0,1,0,2,14,12,3,4,16,128,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337322277490864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041483666739415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920542775127624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242725260667693,0.14956126007819556,0.13548324831449093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084947462236997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250738141170693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822852440971805,0.0,0.1056585101088898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156456628600023,0.0,0.1860822301766727,0.08763797648966022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268193572923469,0.1922755296147978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146605665976187,0.0,0.2611764543729922,0.0,0.3633440670662101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572005770043913,0.0,0.06741815016355958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397283122769976,0.0,0.0,0.10856219162277099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386526977366105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017914117591093,0.0,0.18922673928907235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019398885737335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312674180927193,0.09329872843909094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551390870151529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785877885433018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476250300092907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279752198215733,0.0,0.12592259002596665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505018971777576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682893824234156,0.13075363411024138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972006330726932,0.10722205043135516,0.1129412817069802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720845734130093,0.0,0.09738906021356067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471202323029772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kjakar,2019/03/29,"Tonight’s the night I have been planing to hang myself for a few months and tonight I have written my notes and I’m waiting for my housemate to fall asleep. I don’t know why I’m posting in here. I guess I hope some one finds me a reason to live.

I am a failure in life. I don’t feel comfortable in my own body and I am not reliable enough to hold down a job because of my mental health.

I ruin all my romantic relationships because I don’t believe I deserve them. And even knowing all these flaws I can’t seem to improve in these areas.

Thank you in advance to any one who responds.",2.296341463414634,3.735609081300815,3.693178861788621,90.49196341463416,76.07317073170732,6.220813008130082,28.56016260162602,6.742157984588678,1.261234796747969,459,20,100,4,10,151,77,123,0.062,0.813,0.125,0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,9,4,2,1,2,18,20,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,2,1,21,3,15,18,6,15,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,4,4,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139287957002122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497187181016365,0.0,0.0,0.2307675239338693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275142914848272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163887675698684,0.0,0.13528491592125425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356562467428007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720624957352985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563772154970224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771929262070205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034373434871664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325711008377087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513281884393785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467388556755767,0.0,0.0,0.18086414089835315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641532573219856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348928251189532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19221429516540872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775893088052879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616563713845897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105941126394518,0.0,0.21990529100558784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646489795752305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857525052862725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848226154427467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,painki11erx,2019/03/29,"Wish I could fucking die, apparently can't kill myself, what do I do now? So yeah, I hate my life, and I find no meaning or reason to it, never been with a girl cause it always ends before it starts (last girl I was texting/calling for a few days told me we couldnt talk anymore cause she got back with her ex), have 0 friends and I'm just so fucking tired of it all.   
I only see a dead end job for my future where I work to pay to keep myself alive so I can go back to the job I hate everyday.  
I told my parents I want to kill myself but the only thing they really say is I will go to hell if I do that, and that scares me from being able to kill myself.   
So I just hurt myself in unconventional ways, like trying to give myself hypothermia in a 30min cold shower. It didn't work, the only thing that happened was all my muscles locked up and I could barely move or breathe for the first 5mins, but I wanted nothing more that to feel that again for some reason.  
Also now I need a job cause my money is getting low, but I've already spent my childhood working a job that I hated, so now I just really hate working and it only makes me want to kill myself even more (last job I quite after a week cause I wanted to get into a car wreck on the way home).  


So what do I do?   
I can't kill myself cause I'm scared of the possibility of going to hell, I have a hard time working an avg job cause it makes my life that much worse, and I thought about the military, but too many people say I shouldn't do that if I want to die as I will put others at risk, and I don't want to do that to anyone else.  


I just hate my life so fucking much, even though I know others have it way worse. But honestly what do you do when you can't keep going but can't stop.  
What do you do when people tell you life will be better if you just go get a job, but you tell them over and over that jobs make you want to kill yourself even more and they still try to push you instead of figure out how to help?

​

I do have family that cares about me so I would feel bad for them if I killed myself, but even though they care about me whenever I talk to them they will talk with me for a day or 2 and then treat me like I have the best life ever.

Why do people do this? I need their help so why the hell do they completely ignore me until I go to them for help again? It's now gotten to the point where I don't want to tell them anything now cause it only makes everything worse.  


Anyways, thx to anyone who reads all this. Hopefully some of you who have gone through similar situations found ways to help deal with everything, even though that sounds impossible.  
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suicidewatch,ParalyzingPurgatory,2019/03/29,"Feeling trapped. People are always force-feeding me conflict, reading my thoughts, and want me sent to some modern asylum with all the other so-called crazy people. I’m also being monitored in all aspects of my life, from my computer to my game consoles.. being monitored, watched, for the entire world to see.

The people in my head egg me on to do stupid things and feed upon my insecurities, among other things. They fuel my feelings of paranoia (or so it’s called by my doctor) and want me to suffer until I die.

There’s no way out, unless it involves death, or leaving everything behind and becoming even more of a reclusive bum.",8.400875706214691,7.659210161016951,8.280000000000005,70.72757062146893,61.79661016949152,9.900564971751416,36.61581920903954,8.841846274778883,3.3230971751412426,501,20,82,6,6,162,82,118,0.226,0.743,0.031,-0.9792,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,1,4,0,4,5,1,0,2,18,12,10,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,6,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,4,14,0,21,8,4,11,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,3,2,64,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435286404084158,0.18141254913249652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407892048505928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226257952194773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262733873421162,0.0,0.0,0.22315571455942326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440020937407477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594495767825326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047789572261886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375443309822074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308548103771473,0.0,0.0,0.15399604818813786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534489588416074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808193721749505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373605335532527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896895033469697,0.0,0.0,0.17308585867040807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25719115417914706,0.17305645934898906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,partially_impartial,2019/03/29,"The Curious Case of the Magnetic Bed Hello! If you have happened to see me on other subreddits while I was on the brink of suicide, well that is not applicable to me right now, so don't worry about responding too quickly.

What I want to worry about is my extreme lack of ability to motivate myself to improve and to get out of bed. I set an alarm so that I jog in the mornings, but wake up, make excuses, and fall back to sleep every single day. I eat less because I simply am too pre-occupied on Reddit or Youtube and it is like I am glued to the bed. Even my attemps to improve myself with something I like (i.e. programming or drawing) is foiled by me setting a time to do it and completely missing that time, getting discouraged, and falling asleep. Suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.",6.371764705882352,6.554627745098043,7.158954248366015,74.0152941176471,65.66666666666667,10.460130718954249,36.607843137254896,10.25414643259724,3.8446549019607854,627,30,114,14,9,209,102,153,0.087,0.723,0.19,0.9391,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,1,11,7,0,1,7,0,12,4,3,2,0,18,20,12,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,7,7,1,1,1,1,0,3,2,3,1,0,1,1,16,4,24,17,3,20,0,2,1,0,5,8,0,3,9,89,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153604074528114,0.0,0.13598852063560715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338968955857183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438692275364802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282682494929664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734334470639185,0.0,0.18795593555810725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331019393041003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727039154635387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797287963457412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890875264683226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905105345292111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776721527083025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232427854059818,0.0,0.0,0.17173917488301935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401514864180496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053836375809023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26016144140070496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157935381785954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057721999120784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531005462891997,0.0,0.15847082387020694,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chosen_loved,2019/03/29,I just want to die. I feel so alone. I hate reaching out but I did today and it made me feel worse. I have tons of friends but I hate reaching out. There’s no good excuse I just don’t like it. Especially now that I’ve been hospitalized for a suicide attempt I’m so terrified of being sent back. I just want to hang myself or slit my wrists or overdose on sleeping pills. I don’t even know. I just want to die. ,-1.0251573426573444,1.0759912045454565,1.2636363636363654,98.05968531468531,97.1818181818182,4.071328671328671,18.132867132867133,5.873414542411696,-0.3965937062937064,318,10,75,3,13,106,58,88,0.335,0.479,0.185,-0.9747,0,1,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,2,0,1,0,6,3,2,1,0,18,17,7,3,3,8,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,2,13,3,9,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,4,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423836941189335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648230994876806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.449405002906351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430023700892286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189472445961992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727457078315108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159775324534635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275162773414358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898786520402478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057755220129941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486636240994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666568980086115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368260654255378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522552845480013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38310843604625017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064150351970935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lileelace,2019/03/29,"I swear to god if one more person tells me to volunteer after opening up about my suicidal thoughts I’m going to shoot myself and hope they get splattered I get it, I put on a good f*cking facade, people probably think I’m just being full of myself. I don’t open up to people but the few times I have (suicide hotline, ER) I get this advice. I get it, for someone who is just down in the dumps volunteering is awesome but for someone who constantly gives their all to other people it’s bullsh*t. Its like their last attempt at helping once they’ve gone through the list of things I’ve already fucking tried. Guess what, I have volunteered and I hated it it felt forced and I already have a hard time doing anything for myself so spending what little I have on more people makes me incredibly depressed. ",4.4232692307692325,6.083408378205128,5.062051282051282,81.92461538461541,70.98717948717949,6.9948717948717976,29.66666666666667,7.492282038375204,1.9179589743589744,641,26,115,7,12,206,101,156,0.153,0.743,0.104,-0.8496,0,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,1,4,7,3,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,1,17,26,7,2,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,4,1,1,3,2,20,3,20,22,5,19,0,1,0,1,9,11,1,3,6,82,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421948736972891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211572605233584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974585668327048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724924554522932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253312391368576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397165318273773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452561029101462,0.30410082895021023,0.1395905601188645,0.08269912067946604,0.12205047710431555,0.0,0.0,0.1603003886782174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303522160796661,0.1436652290209991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753515690696013,0.0,0.0,0.14452851681306042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861356256861813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109092869779103,0.14584354002052888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713191415959824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496796283337114,0.0986042444250698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035251288312485,0.12705745958687056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688900905865258,0.0,0.0,0.146282046211835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465875603612253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31833801640566783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718589756288567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667322408604803,0.09323967724451804,0.0,0.11552208697965193,0.1697010977837118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879464667425432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,77maf,2019/03/29,"The pain is perpetual, why cant I find the way to just stop it all? Every day is an uncomfortable cycle of inner anguish. I don't have the nerve to kill myself yet as I believe at heart I am a narcissist who seeks optimism. Family has died, lovers left to travel thousands of miles away. Please convince me to slip into the numbness of death and just kill myself. I do not hate everyone nor the world, but I just dont think this life is right for me. Too much pride to ask for help in real life. ",3.726008403361345,4.477542833333338,5.01638655462185,85.0508823529412,71.64705882352942,8.181512605042016,24.375350140056014,8.418075326091056,1.310264425770308,387,10,83,6,7,129,75,102,0.17800000000000002,0.677,0.145,-0.412,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,1,7,0,10,6,1,0,1,12,13,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,15,13,2,14,0,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,3,57,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796038309384168,0.0,0.17884896347555335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21446990601061786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276609305320207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756304853642465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230998501307052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038604133588838,0.18189660599757546,0.0,0.0,0.17945394183298474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398508276294966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879405402794728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255768571651461,0.12759392241429476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212090404052263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068260924135853,0.0,0.26891300916984034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993609405586765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255586928793445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895750516228484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21667072175866506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256592469503567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914901854890098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197464505664785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109846579621353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176978929670236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ginger_Floydian,2019/03/29,"I fucked it up again, a rant of sorts. Ive been depressed as fuck for like ages now. I had a week of normal me and then i went back to being the sad sack i usually am and it hit me like a tonne of bricks because I genuinely thought i was recovering for that week. 
Then suddenly brain was like ""ha, you actually thought you were safe? You thought you could be happy? Give me a break, your life is SHIT, YOU ARE SHIT"". 
Then everything collapsed. 
I lost my job, my best friend, my boyfriend and my will to live in such a short space of time. 

Anyway two nights ago I tried to kill myself but i was too much of a pussy to cut deeper so now i have a load of cuts on my arm that look and feel awful and I think my dad's getting suspicious of the long sleeves so thats gonna be a problem. 
I saw a shrink and he said i should go on anti's but my doctor wont prescribe me them because hes a prick that keeps basically passing my depression off for something else to probably save NHS money. 
I hate it so much. 
I feel so empty. Even my suicide note was shit. Now I aint as actively suicidal as I was the other night, I looked it over and its shit. So many mistakes. I writ two, one for family and one for my best friend, what a load of toss. 
I dont wanna die and I dont wanna live, my life is torture and I have no fucking way out. Its a living hell. 
Anyway I got that off my chest. 
Now I guess im gonna go to sleep for a bit. ",-0.1793468667255098,1.7235254401294533,2.076704913209767,96.85129744042368,85.86084142394822,5.428302441894676,19.072374227714032,6.714681859716394,-0.06163300970873786,1087,30,267,13,33,367,167,309,0.252,0.639,0.109,-0.9942,1,0,1,0,1,3,32.0,0,6,1,3,16,31,14,0,16,2,26,15,9,0,0,31,52,23,4,7,2,1,2,3,2,5,3,1,0,0,13,11,0,2,6,0,1,4,5,20,0,4,16,6,50,11,33,26,5,35,1,4,3,3,14,10,9,2,22,176,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.09136048362721327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298927019008379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198868550814959,0.0,0.11414085112634895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649869613050672,0.0,0.10220976424063287,0.0,0.0,0.104511875484902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474866263353781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127107068053967,0.0,0.0971637029482896,0.0,0.0,0.09582494793292612,0.0,0.0,0.21944597156700726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820824039307077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183571486028432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414041918804699,0.0,0.08825744301037665,0.0,0.09467506991560892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446625346960244,0.2596530125489459,0.04891305094543017,0.08980968847951484,0.10641381851936456,0.0,0.0748771781337021,0.0,0.10313396520564776,0.0,0.0,0.09966117823796497,0.0,0.09243124644479747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112662658437856,0.0,0.09290428734701876,0.08321454861831447,0.10357764365415216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225440655767026,0.13721531358491582,0.0,0.248006883152088,0.08285154153880657,0.15723593708891928,0.0,0.1021982606887358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491688804178308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764425255952065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571372635271615,0.09172859456572327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687987593190686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009391538899141,0.08958254791630445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905490532197895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844019927107729,0.0,0.0,0.09368850184911738,0.0,0.0,0.07207393499562795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20481211666630486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059988486041822414,0.0,0.22297358722491134,0.054591093816118215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356243884760689,0.0,0.1829080116910892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311018363347813,0.0,0.0,0.074311904758135,0.15019406160503695,0.0,0.0,0.08678750294236984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadblinger,2019/03/29,"I dont know anymore I made a reddit in hopes of passing time, learning some new things and to hopefully get over the loss of my baby. It’s overwhelming. It’s been a month and I just don’t know anymore. I dont even know what to say. ",0.3858823529411737,2.1661887647058826,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,82.92156862745098,5.648627450980393,21.964705882352945,6.742157984588678,0.3580870588235294,181,6,43,2,5,61,36,51,0.051,0.826,0.123,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,11,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,6,9,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361535134436525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5154306147095054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523857646530547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148860639185724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368107111831731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625456308471336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20806996991364032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551809451678368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123759654117784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486933336378713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608846993156488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282225453599372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,extra-moist-yoga,2019/03/29,"A Recurring Dream Every night I lay in bed before I go to sleep, and I think about all of things I hate about myself. While I’m awake I am constantly thinking of killing myself. I always picture carbon monoxide poisoning, but for the last 3 months or so (it’s hard to say as the nights blend together after some time) I have a recurring dream of hanging myself from the chapel bell at school. I don’t know what to make of it, but it terrifies me and only makes my thoughts of suicide more frequent while I’m awake. It feels like my fate, even though I know that’s bullshit. Do other people have literal dreams of suicide regularly?",5.349919354838711,6.0468339919354825,5.6808064516129075,81.94120967741938,67.95161290322581,8.780645161290323,30.01612903225807,8.841846274778883,2.2897451612903224,501,18,97,8,8,160,85,124,0.233,0.6890000000000001,0.078,-0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,5,0,5,2,1,2,1,15,17,10,3,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,3,15,1,17,16,3,16,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,13,63,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614761310349926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968428593089892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027930912178185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394723147350475,0.0,0.15811109689319575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488620639475426,0.13406387784563914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665113378086497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810591843688816,0.1852747578703289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207617267827966,0.0,0.20626534317968376,0.15296741761937155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168087985531162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505281479733792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497879035881152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352211177028059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272339268453418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009936546280618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923424800460228,0.0,0.1899212818596956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779487633217007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105377432827534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246725342460463,0.2404890695278907,0.18437435955223255,0.1489805629356678,0.10942567668064808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notahomestuck,2019/03/29,"No foreseeable future Does anyone else just not plan for the future, cause you're planning to kill yourself anyway? I'm failing 2 classes rn and I couldn't even care less. I'll be dead soon anyway. I just want out.",0.883798449612403,3.4534016046511664,2.023604651162792,93.31897286821709,91.09302325581396,3.7968992248062015,18.794573643410853,5.46131890053228,-0.2281286821705426,171,5,33,1,6,54,37,43,0.35,0.623,0.027000000000000003,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,3,6,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,5,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,18,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26231442623257784,0.3843867149938768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824916283049992,0.3853835997712807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282973238113103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133906707226629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477838148164855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150491949889679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127388451134425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leathercanid,2019/03/29,"My Autism makes me a useless member of society who will never be loved; prove me wrong I’m really tired of living a double life. One one hand was smart enough to get into college and I have no problem doing the work, but on the other hand I have terrible social skills and I forget **everything**. So on one hand I’m smart, and on the other hand I’m a f*cking idiot. In all honestly I’d rather be one or the other because it’d be simpler that way.

This week I forgot about **2** different big projects in week. I made the mistake of focusing on only one in order to finish it, and I kind of forgot about the other, and I still haven’t really found the time to finish it due to stress and procrastination. I can’t remember anything and manage my time properly, so how can I be a functioning member of society? I can’t.  

To add frustration onto frustration I’ve also been dealing with relationship issues (pertaining to the lack of a relationship) and I’m incredibly frustrated that I fail whenever I try. I’ve tried three different dating apps, only to find that the only people who swipe right are only interested in hookups, meaning I still don’t have access to real romantic connection, and I feel kind of empty. All of this fuels my pornography addiction, which in turn feeds into my guilt and self hate.

I feel like people expect so much from me, and I’ll never be able to deliver. I recently got off the phone with my mother, and the last thing I heard was that she was disappointed in me, and I can’t say that I disagree. One of the only things that keeps me going is praise and approval from my parents, so I’m just about ready to end it all. 

My mom says it’s “just an impulse” and that “it will pass” but I don’t been tempted  to drink a cup of laundry every 15 hours is normal, even if I never go through with it.",3.1402380952380966,4.860098554945053,5.026615384615387,80.63505128205128,74.43956043956044,8.15003663003663,25.045421245421252,8.841846274778883,1.952704322344322,1430,47,275,30,30,490,183,364,0.16899999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.117,-0.9565,3,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,5,15,23,5,2,19,0,27,10,4,3,7,54,49,25,0,7,7,3,6,1,0,2,3,3,0,1,25,21,2,3,7,1,0,3,10,14,0,7,11,9,34,9,44,30,7,38,1,3,0,1,17,16,0,2,18,197,59,6,0.09610137931954084,0.0,0.0,0.10476468855465718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685223832136477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908324681179073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858250885243808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907630228104128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008109745059756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941427655559344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511729767651878,0.09929841435506698,0.0,0.06347405468686235,0.0,0.08096955689521639,0.0,0.08636972307969304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718348981464728,0.06865484458784353,0.0,0.0,0.08783491967477926,0.0,0.0,0.10537020212300192,0.0,0.0,0.050209004256302425,0.0,0.10923325704890112,0.0,0.07686105206991194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488021614803324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464050048104763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030487208740388,0.0,0.08541932153086411,0.0,0.20014959616523464,0.0,0.07833545062566095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678792462688244,0.0469502796673572,0.0,0.0848592785980423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673524688424054,0.0909334487462916,0.06414841693523372,0.0,0.0,0.10468257516371524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125527739739354,0.0,0.0,0.07064557136628803,0.0,0.22235792458002035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415894747831774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39072469050099706,0.3654471473325798,0.0,0.0,0.10670920890287136,0.0,0.0,0.1332491922561011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195604123402916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938440893509478,0.12313000881710826,0.0,0.09488851832125984,0.20635383290394035,0.10886412892475544,0.08207005284987225,0.0,0.15284734812365322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002546975623272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796325388420124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534933713275954,0.0,0.11008380531786624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769097240182994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120749742160897,0.1104543984438146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049305659550656,0.10453070449389787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628080175284446,0.15417345948859065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996294870652936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050717720386512,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilprem,2019/03/29,"So if i can just man up enough to kill myself and not hurt anyone Hey so 21f here. I'm pre-med and depressed and in therapy and on meds. And in a relationship with an amazing guy. 

So. I met my bf's (22m) best friend and its kinda just brought up some thoughts. My bf is one of those people whos found his purpose in life and is amazing and kind to all those he teaches. And just. I wish I could take myself out of his life. Bc I feel like I'm a grenade. 

I've had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember I'm working on it but recently my brains getting good at finding better ways to off myself. I just want to leave my apartment and walk into oncoming traffic so no one can definitely say it was suicide and my bf can find an amazing gf who can support him whole heartedly and not have to go away for med school without feeling torn. Someone who can do best for him. 

I don't want to worry anyone. I hate being a burden on anyone which is why I'm so incredibly bad at reaching out when I'm like this. I just want to stop feeling like I'm an inconvenience go everyone. Like if I just removed myself, it would be the best for everyone even if they were sad at first. ",2.4929286926994902,3.6499427580645194,4.202945670628186,88.17770797962649,75.04838709677419,7.1565365025466905,27.16553480475382,7.669130373188453,1.3974806451612904,916,35,203,12,19,309,138,248,0.156,0.61,0.234,0.9627,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,6,14,22,2,0,7,0,19,4,2,0,1,48,44,24,3,9,13,0,3,4,5,1,2,1,0,2,10,16,0,1,9,0,0,5,5,7,0,3,8,4,25,15,33,32,7,28,0,3,0,0,20,17,0,5,9,137,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645096755719984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142594561303833,0.0,0.09013673326502494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33987187803497104,0.0954761721333596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205119019362153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619215241676031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298026355774887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154490989743428,0.0,0.07130232397824376,0.0,0.0,0.2063085511773528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375372686411732,0.15424412370150972,0.0,0.0,0.1973352397337992,0.09182526324870294,0.0,0.11836553260213198,0.0834046710684573,0.0,0.05640129192579967,0.0,0.12270501895180777,0.09054634428465436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689102041951733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658181432220837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792551660227866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556654422783932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943464584210492,0.1124170452028962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430725799780247,0.0,0.0,0.15250161763686632,0.21096267243213895,0.0,0.0,0.09553552457903523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398241904599964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630428451352426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484142239656147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659114040430674,0.11590174852115198,0.12229036617395768,0.0,0.0,0.08584902279280295,0.0,0.10925479019205117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146872124759198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025402991455228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361673982456096,0.12250444761045533,0.0,0.0,0.08116766004294695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345433134565115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140617404061734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102146215285407,0.08568853001015622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974113182912115,0.12052632108967168,0.1241412937205392,0.1040634024693192,0.0,0.07859149474153122,0.10963210456030273,0.0,0.07668712860569757,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shamanthadenish,2019/03/29,"Does anyone else feel like they're living in a dream? Everything feels so hazy and unreal, my brain feels like melted butter. I'm really having a hard time right now. I'm constantly harming myself, constantly thinking of killing myself in the process. I've been depressed since high school (I'm a 22-year-old working adult now) and every day it keeps getting worse. I try so hard to make myself feel the bare minimum of ""okay"". But I can't. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Everything feels like a dream now. I don't feel real. I feel so undeserving, worthless and useless. I feel guilty taking up so much space in the planet. I promised myself that if I still feel like this at 35, well, I'm saying my good byes. Maybe then I'll be a peace somewhere that is not here in this world.",2.0736538461538463,4.420167711538465,3.0381410256410284,90.64644230769231,80.21794871794873,5.951282051282053,21.28846153846154,7.1686216300943375,0.6238538461538461,617,18,125,8,16,196,98,156,0.198,0.653,0.14800000000000002,-0.8854,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,1,0,8,1,8,1,1,1,0,20,28,10,1,1,3,0,11,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,11,2,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,13,14,8,9,26,1,19,0,3,0,0,3,10,0,1,14,63,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394312683412046,0.12300742751171875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401769899743368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594670546647053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774235872115597,0.0,0.10340058346087523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505828553844347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028801388825563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114896018972144,0.0,0.215789934300635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463169361030945,0.3430605975050143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272219791518123,0.0,0.0,0.10069389428507683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150859640562156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268414946883179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670770452825384,0.13281971456067612,0.0,0.06597742155914077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346053085169034,0.0,0.10600808651762504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013562034447723,0.0,0.12060833716313403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825200927005389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597434469275734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366454214275905,0.07690836431351109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025237240611662,0.0,0.0954701428740144,0.0,0.12149900010486815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930822787501947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587365610690604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902641387048987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692445311467128,0.0,0.0,0.07000326752385284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815074053307173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794113620095556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739926195508604,0.0,0.1223432109333289,0.0,0.1312579800918844,0.0,0.07730953083742455
suicidewatch,wishingforrain_,2019/03/29,"i don’t feel afraid of it anymore ive become so content with ending my life. I’m not afraid. my family would lean on each other. i have no real friends left. my soon to be ex husband has encouraged me to end it. I’m beyond saving. 

just waiting on the medications i need to take care of it. ",-0.4622580645161278,1.7196514032258108,2.4679838709677417,91.17197580645157,91.41935483870968,5.035483870967743,19.04032258064516,6.6274283507984215,0.23709032258064555,225,7,49,3,8,79,47,62,0.035,0.823,0.142,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,10,13,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,4,9,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676304216346613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980411896147332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27514212135343585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780349648469007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25440171653230825,0.0,0.13645024984757045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849458067948026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932056682413571,0.0,0.19061139151333256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27185740313701234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009912777108885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30716184317087475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029025116770579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170210154099027,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,userunknown138,2019/03/29,Should I leave a note? I have tonight and when the sunrises I’m done. There’s so many things I wish people could know and there’s no way I could fit it all in one note. I feel like I would fuck it up anyway but idk I still feel like it would give some sort of comfort to those im about to hurt. Thoughts? Note or no note? ,-1.6066666666666656,0.3426716666666678,-0.16255555555555468,109.05200000000002,96.22222222222223,3.4355555555555566,12.755555555555556,4.935628992294339,-1.7701877777777777,248,4,68,1,10,77,50,72,0.193,0.653,0.154,-0.4493,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,17,15,6,0,6,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,7,3,6,8,2,7,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,3,5,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35034130032326066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245193016504877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218674283514749,0.3134745179788602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20282898905100274,0.0,0.21046559185811492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23486902370693025,0.0,0.2369864062222031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120574852204864,0.0,0.0,0.2323097421311722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21437258180471505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243411994019893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866908367566598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521022535420242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521072576423824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575761646616264,0.0,0.0,0.17417670928574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741471246790059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25229571977488074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311706664707365,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DonJames2K,2019/03/29,"Why is it that I'm constantly being screwed over Why is it that nothing ever goes my way and that I'm constantly being screwed over?

A few years ago something happened I prefer not to say that severely affected me for a long time and I got over it (mostly) but everytime since then nothing has been going my way. Actually before then it was the same but it just got worse and now I'm just constantly being screwed over I feel like there's no point in living like this and as the days pass by I just slowly lose interest in the very few things I liked doing",3.35432645034415,4.9458183362831925,4.448259587020647,85.53358898721733,73.60176991150442,7.854080629301867,25.829891838741396,8.515128840125781,1.7114570304818089,444,15,90,8,9,145,69,113,0.17600000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.115,-0.6912,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,0,5,0,9,3,0,1,1,16,17,9,0,1,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,2,8,4,10,10,4,23,0,1,0,3,1,7,3,1,15,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.15419384091892174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006530851874294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344538902826183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122542874720812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190263410471943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429280476371891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989402031365142,0.11288155135390185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980006865606391,0.0,0.25274821750542426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972670093293976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315854228714949,0.0,0.13952470612126486,0.13983285670914364,0.0,0.17677148188943592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032274990551086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936943270695732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565497657235186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850502086612746,0.0,0.13070655046095928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216429294799208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497405642047772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921362289391946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037384620584536,0.0,0.2508401349408978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851568141271897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610245134324405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175251648062836
suicidewatch,saucybluetowelz,2019/03/29,"I’m only alive because I’m scared of death and injury. I’m too cowardly to go through with it. So I’m stuck living a life I don’t really want to anymore. Fear is the only thing keeping me alive, oddly enough. Or else I would’ve been gone a long time ago.

I’m in therapy, and it is nice to talk about my problems, but it doesn’t really help with my day-to-day symptoms. I only get temporary relief before I’m back to square one again. 

I’m waiting until I am 18 to try antidepressants. Once I took a medication (a benzo) which had a second use for anxiety (I only found out after I googled the medicine, because I noticed I didn’t feel anxiety anymore although that wasn’t my intention). So maybe medication will help better & make therapy much easier to digest. 

If that doesn’t work, I’ll truly consider myself a hopeless case and see that maybe I was never supposed to live to begin with. Maybe I’ll gain the courage to finally do it.",4.164321385420863,4.965976628272255,5.893926701570681,78.97466371325011,70.67539267015707,9.01828433346758,29.35199355618204,9.265573868473778,2.5200878775674584,740,28,145,15,13,255,116,191,0.109,0.693,0.197,0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,0,2,9,0,13,5,0,3,1,20,34,10,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,9,7,1,2,2,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,9,3,15,4,20,24,2,15,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,2,10,83,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642101149406699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007892837565507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836826258174204,0.0,0.2381234765876939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231444872762566,0.0,0.14636813652942798,0.0,0.10215748035334396,0.0,0.0,0.1061783901773323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485035530954294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029007401484824,0.0,0.0,0.12404832222266013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509461463710642,0.060703128733469114,0.0,0.0,0.1315137635197163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163348952262482,0.0,0.0,0.06272348636095716,0.0,0.06822970112785748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609399120702608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670989652878524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479799670594396,0.0,0.0,0.21202052829306406,0.1062443956213516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013726649854976,0.0,0.3618324441356291,0.0,0.0,0.2418844224647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825382215181414,0.0,0.092593380119961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668276808350058,0.0,0.1278540533640667,0.08135199107057978,0.3652272256881255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487587900981418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381988834592325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019543144779013,0.0,0.09566783987943532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478252427135658,0.0,0.09649520594498401,0.0,0.0,0.2745854147648675,0.0,0.0797588309556865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000470553810205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338489282644858,0.0815090796641367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368848417905836,0.0,0.0,0.07081121529247524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740105731962412,0.0,0.0,0.08528322492131002,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunzusunzusunzusunzu,2019/03/30,"Is suicide a snap decision or do you feel it coming? I've made weak attempts in the past, usually spur of the moment. But lately I just feel it coming on. I feel the need to tidy my things and such. I don't have a plan, I just know when it's time I will be able to do it. I can't tell if I am getting close to actually committing suicide or if it's just depression worsening. ",2.118089430894308,2.900573573170732,4.5619512195121965,86.69747967479677,75.46341463414635,8.393495934959349,25.861788617886177,8.841846274778883,1.6959203252032524,291,10,68,6,6,103,54,82,0.227,0.757,0.016,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,1,21,18,7,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,6,15,0,11,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,46,15,0,0.2252380119460316,0.0,0.2197998086854913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880452067098911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399716964462504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34166131945482386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767756488568815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378492088264313,0.0,0.254078288152369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312565293062785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701113187749606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501516861477396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49274765492063394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686795020807346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963812679323146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133809608184194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24806784877191285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatoneuselessscrub,2019/03/30,"I feel like the most useless human being. I do nothing. I dont search for a job, friends, a gf and dont do anything at all besides sleeping, looking at memes and browsing reddit. 
I dont have the Motivation for anything Else.
 I dont even Shower anymore because i am to lazy to do so.
My mom wants to kick me out once im 18 (20th April) so i thought thats the date that im gonna kms at. 
I already tried it once so now ik what to do to not fail. I just dont want to live anymore. I dont feel like it. ",-0.9800000000000004,0.6842488070175463,1.8816666666666684,98.4925,87.2456140350877,4.150877192982456,22.657894736842106,4.7782277997778095,-0.19265263157894807,380,15,97,1,12,133,67,114,0.085,0.809,0.105,0.4765,2,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,5,0,13,1,1,1,1,13,20,5,0,2,2,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,3,12,3,12,17,2,7,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,1,5,58,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270446429011606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054755735651105,0.0,0.0,0.18300506326822452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778234437229345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7819056333863456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288765294392463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344206176502174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244524864085854,0.15887289260353432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859075926609347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240215479758879,0.0,0.11034209639189263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864676461038417,0.0,0.0981856352312489,0.0,0.0933742856329646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022813524041646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669287698922862,0.0,0.0,0.2368342640687883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127350520685153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827498262635977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549288579147022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116926386256633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dyingofdysentery,2019/03/30,"I was kidnapped and the police refuse to investigate. If I'm just a plaything for other's amusement I'd rather be dead I don't see the point anymore and my boyfriend told me I should just stop thinking about it and forget it ever happened. Whenever I bring it up he shuts me down saying he doesn't understand why I can't just let it go and understand it's just something that happens.

I feel violated in every way. Her face haunts me. Her name echoes in my head. I can't stop thinking about the weight of the restraints cutting into my wrists. Watching streetlights pass by, cities I've never seen before flash and fade. 300 miles away from home. Locked away for seven miserable days. I didn't eat. I barely slept. I lost more than 10% of my weight in that time. 

I was convinced she was in every shaking bush, hiding in every shadow. For weeks I didn't leave the house, and I still don't  without a knife. My friends won't help me find justice either. My own brother told me it isn't worth fighting. Maybe I'm just not worth fighting for. Maybe I'm just a waste, but I refuse to be a toy. 

I've talked to a dozen of her victims at least and I know there are more. She's doing it right now. She's never satisfied. 

It's been 18 months and it hasn't gotten better. Every therapist has told me my trauma is out of their scope and they can't help me. Idk what to do. ",0.8449956709956723,3.2235532571428607,2.0898051948051943,95.1921645021645,86.07142857142857,4.536796536796537,19.55627705627705,5.941861826196647,-0.14190476190476176,1072,31,229,8,33,341,155,280,0.172,0.785,0.043,-0.9781,0,0,1,0,4,1,30.0,0,0,2,2,13,13,5,2,10,0,24,7,4,0,3,40,45,11,1,3,12,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,13,11,3,4,7,2,2,4,15,9,0,2,13,7,37,4,30,27,5,33,0,2,3,0,24,16,0,1,12,146,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599796761885965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197851572868288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995287005537016,0.0,0.0,0.10344614182614656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543282484518182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196845161162284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580164563558192,0.3941926264105902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914107808345609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690399887568736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903669600438048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664739720374358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068637351776054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003995553395283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567985061904057,0.0,0.1173255501347409,0.0,0.0,0.13496204216679775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428096996601472,0.0,0.0,0.12384917156169732,0.0,0.11960475781268695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276812432411934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350143644787612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336044129752097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042141938777767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105698430035604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988757170924564,0.0,0.0930153564918364,0.0,0.0,0.09320605554332384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004546225649243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340849434705173,0.19557615204516304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401213131086887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358055171160304,0.0,0.14989304957557018,0.0,0.0,0.06820330093060822,0.0,0.0,0.33529554811690604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352962572688025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284146641240848,0.09382236245479066,0.2848640063433514,0.0,0.0,0.10554282625982762,0.0,0.0,0.1127501998688871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peterbuggle,2019/03/30,I'm doing it tomorrow I was originally planning to do it next month but I just can't keep going through this pain anymore. I don't even know how I'll do it but I'll probably figure something out,0.3764285714285727,2.6563437857142844,3.1383809523809525,87.52328571428568,87.33333333333334,6.217142857142857,25.06666666666667,7.554174236665415,1.5040038095238102,157,7,33,3,5,55,30,42,0.139,0.861,0.0,-0.7440000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,9,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623616628478877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133196434483106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076555265410781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247691164483441,0.0,0.0,0.20080489033131224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916451507490204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885888672234083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887931749088337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939445730125123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812896131282241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yurt-the-turtle,2019/03/30,"i’m stuck. i feel like this is something i need to do. i’m a 17 year old senior, i turn 18 next month. i got into a very nice school, on a very generous scholarship, however, i don’t think i’m going to make it. i’ve been suffering wit depression and pushing everyone away lately and tonight o finally lost my best friends. now with no friends and little to no motivation, there’s really not much for me to do now. i can’t imagine the future anymore. i’ve convinced myself that i need to die, that this is something that will fix everything. the thought of death thrills me. i just need to find the right time. ",1.8929569892473133,4.001788080645163,3.475483870967744,88.5498924731183,79.48387096774194,7.359139784946238,26.46236559139785,8.344100000000001,1.8416849462365588,478,20,101,10,12,158,83,124,0.17,0.634,0.196,0.5607,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,17,23,3,2,3,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,5,1,12,7,12,17,2,19,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,13,56,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666686773973439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578963072737803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636682002672885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447483696245087,0.0,0.1744179849379782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058690995196476,0.15103996576197068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497532729547637,0.12006088483545654,0.0,0.18409965568687608,0.15360224378794265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25968285514117584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551140617593146,0.0,0.1344115768711783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957708524517392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210479761443021,0.16843856953481684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345548957702906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121802218659696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341425336297039,0.0,0.12354218932198667,0.3738393053779457,0.0,0.0,0.1787319112139213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634891795066246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107662451915281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435208720200505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008397426347385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25875898359243305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768497430015743,0.0,0.13341951983468245,0.09799614763586026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279917388718714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773313999876114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822403675688276
suicidewatch,galunga22,2019/03/30,"Suicidal ex, wants to move children out of state. I don't want to misuse this forum. . I don't know who to talk to about this. I wrote this in AITA so I could get some raw, anonymous feedback/advice. An automated moderator said anything about suicide was inappropriate for AITA. 

If this is the wrong place, please forgive me. I am looking for more neutral advice instead of what I get from my own family, who are inherently biased in favor of me. I will delete this if it's inappropriate. 

TLDR: My ex wife is suicidal and wants to move our children out of state. She said living away from me is the only way she won't end up killing herself. She still loves me and doesn't want to be divorced. Do I agree to this in the name of possibly preventing her suicide? Whether or not she intends for it to be, this feels like she's playing blackmail, but with her own life (I understand she is the person who is suffering).

Longer version:

My ex wife is suicidal and was recently hospitalized. I try to help in various ways but my presence makes her even more unhappy. She is heartbroken, still loves me and cannot be around me. She wants to move our children out of state so that she and I won't have to interact. 

She has told me that if she has to move without the children, she will commit suicide. I don't know if this is just grief or legitimate (she made an attempt once over 20 years ago). 

I will agree to them living with her over the summers but I won't agree to them living out of state 9.5 months per year. But for the first time in three years they have real stability and a large network of family. 

Is it wrong to deny her this request? I feel that sending children to live with an unstable mother away from me, friends, grandparents, extended family and school after an acrimonious divorce is not in their best interest. The older children have told me they want to live with me primarily (in my house - I have not told them what their mother wants to do). The children are between 5-11 (I don't want to get too specific).",3.916036168132941,5.5509051262626254,4.916682958618441,82.56464809384165,72.23232323232324,8.139980449657871,28.43075920495275,8.748949900417786,2.1727896057347658,1594,62,313,30,31,521,176,396,0.152,0.7559999999999999,0.093,-0.9814,2,0,0,0,2,4,51.0,2,0,7,3,11,14,1,0,14,0,39,3,0,3,1,56,66,20,8,13,16,7,2,1,1,6,1,2,0,8,20,16,0,1,6,1,0,5,13,5,0,2,9,5,60,9,60,47,8,43,0,2,1,2,64,18,0,7,15,231,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653177104267848,0.06646188713167146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169903315986033,0.06674472355521187,0.0,0.0,0.14088523635897188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868290764476935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986240351089611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640666871353403,0.0,0.0,0.04952108016298109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204269669260686,0.0,0.07582044999916332,0.05356302002738293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377472666547808,0.0,0.0,0.057926434532602385,0.0,0.11751592695374663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050254973716309416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651248084666865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295006867923146,0.0,0.08240992939507001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295791504835015,0.036629589437001946,0.0,0.3310268391359109,0.0,0.06296113389062566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533791515604698,0.07094430357532336,0.05004720295638442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984529620266307,0.31875138646560697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984721761907923,0.0,0.05702278692504946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654663353655155,0.07833418248743942,0.0823013646030819,0.0,0.08452441237465316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533934235299911,0.0,0.0,0.07402996303789285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263909183619433,0.0,0.0,0.07587992819057494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975219770501505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920708333702579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026303824992736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371923150174738,0.0,0.0,0.2149289475672533,0.0,0.05090392561384632,0.0,0.0,0.0780528796950739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35378329390807206,0.11902525266850285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227439174756968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394943324991262,0.0,0.1448466648283742
suicidewatch,merdem12,2019/03/30,"Got no friends and I have no other options Tired of the crap I receive at school, nobody from the staff will do anything so I looked online to change schools but I live in a small city in nj so likely not an option my parents thought of online school but that is a bunch of crap, don't want to end it tbh for them but I don't know what to do my parents tell me to fight back but the school says not to and just ignore the other kids. So much stuff has happened, and I tried ending it last year but the government sent me away to ""behavioral facility"" when my attempt failed. ( more like jail for kids who cause fights with cops and other people). Since I have no friends and the past 3 years have been hell, I don't know what to do

​",4.955686274509802,4.786829405228758,4.845228758169938,90.60352941176471,68.67320261437908,7.584313725490197,26.803921568627448,6.42735559955562,0.8185764705882352,581,15,131,3,9,179,93,153,0.21,0.732,0.058,-0.974,2,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,6,11,5,0,9,0,13,3,2,1,0,22,21,14,0,1,8,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,2,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,4,2,14,4,18,16,3,15,1,1,1,0,14,5,3,2,10,88,24,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520575881308233,0.17052762746381994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548729777164535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185340522971378,0.10791226986904068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441671337638495,0.14846038592693844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24859795465100515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168516118034909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224216967931117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410159192919973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542536336141554,0.11439527178255568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712540005622792,0.0,0.12392218543407085,0.0,0.11784967843544045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316554346893772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31166040040999593,0.0,0.13396975497699648,0.09729360998881777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160345533341776,0.0,0.5681235126735871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160901308015878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065493869080907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226627461779314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141373929545634,0.0,0.16129939674362154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528118211966588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277576348792726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052762746381994,0.180747834075158
suicidewatch,Lukeimbordino,2019/03/30,"I'm 12 and wont get any older I'm ending my life today. There's no point in living anymore. My friends hate me my parents are going to get divorced, school is stressful my GF broke up with me. I am finally ready to go. They say they cant live without me. Soon when my body hangs from that rope swinging from my fan like a leaf in the autumn breeze. Free of this torture. Free of this pain. Free of the empty promise of life. Fuck life. Fuck love. Fuck family. I hope my family will drive themselves to starvation out of grief. I hope all my friends will suffer the same fate I will. For i will save a spot in hell for them all. Because I'm staring at one with my name on it.",0.06069594034796921,2.2717203802816925,1.7113090306545151,97.67084921292464,88.15492957746478,4.467937033968517,18.91632145816073,5.900188976854957,-0.3035995028997513,522,15,119,4,17,169,92,142,0.232,0.5579999999999999,0.211,-0.7096,1,0,0,0,1,2,17.0,0,0,3,0,3,22,6,1,5,0,9,9,1,0,2,12,23,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,3,5,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,11,0,1,0,2,20,14,22,18,3,19,1,3,1,4,11,8,4,2,8,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035218032541562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097152155252289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279815915385947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909351122324387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348308341731816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870182993089301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676081895149295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352254567203489,0.42220329260772177,0.1590680651683715,0.0,0.1730319402682342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502958745047216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023980120076825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225742233589694,0.07437202008306103,0.0,0.2688442333823024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739376141925114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031551701600463,0.0,0.16198373946049174,0.0,0.16903369870850074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390680956514498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105962014320447,0.0,0.15406515961628434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437925903585955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429649538313982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674454715868146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,need-an-answer,2019/03/30,Not seeking attention... just want opinions Tried to kill myself a year ago. I keep thinking this past year if I would have missed out on anything special. The answer is no. What reason do I have to believe there will ever be a reason to live for? ,2.3081250000000004,4.7590885625000015,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,80.04166666666666,4.673333333333334,24.18333333333333,5.6839178017228535,0.5722033333333334,193,7,36,1,5,61,40,48,0.17800000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.078,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,2,1,14,11,1,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,8,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229899675366406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342438961703125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922006062415865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345985033699255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23052374926654584,0.2869342819471156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290123441849957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24758058881631195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333135818694399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661821273418674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608281194775385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297237997919538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842360399356139,0.0,0.0,0.3340280438318671
suicidewatch,cheezypussy,2019/03/30,"Stop assuming we have people who care about us It's so annoying to here the ""think about the people who care about you"" line. A lot of us don't have those people. This isn't me being mellow dramatic or delusional, this is just my life. It also implies that youre life is only worth living because other people care about you, which is bullshit even if you do have people who care about you.

I can't make a list if all the annoying shit people say to suicidal people but this is by far the worst because they make assumptions about your life. People don't realize the privilege of having friends and a loving family so they assume we all do. ",3.834173228346458,5.4814889921259855,4.9724488188976395,82.03268897637797,72.46456692913387,8.229606299212598,23.723622047244092,8.841846274778883,1.730014803149606,510,14,96,10,10,168,72,127,0.153,0.7120000000000001,0.135,-0.3625,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,4,6,2,0,12,11,3,0,8,0,15,5,1,2,2,18,23,8,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,12,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,15,7,11,22,4,2,0,0,0,1,18,1,1,6,1,76,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531862934803338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145317939192178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861009837679976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872587739883526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236458822654023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208824541299726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525687028840873,0.0,0.0,0.1052496361863238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133365844203858,0.10757637031465284,0.0,0.15912455669915915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065167636947423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6610675574326506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947870877989647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234994055778725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965071679812117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037783765336194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637408588452335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286749097492062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,donteatmeplease123,2019/03/30,"What is the point? This is going to read like the long rant of an angst fueled teen, even though I am well into my adult years, but I really don't care. This is how I feel. I'm not going to pretend anymore. I want to preface this with the fact that I have a learning disorder, and am not good with words or grammar.

​

Like all of us, I am stuck living in a society of creatures whom are violent, selfish, and far too happy to live under the boot of pointless hierarchy. We have not outgrown our animal impulses and tribalism and it's going to kill us as well as a lot of the priceless life around us (and we've already destroyed so much of it already). Our environment is failing, I give us 20 year tops before we are reduced to a few tribes of violent assholes fighting over scraps. The only planet we know of that has diverse life and yet those with the power to help don't care. We deserve as a species to die out, but what about all the other species of this planet that are being dragged along with us?

​

I despise most people. Everyday in the city, people with more money then they'll ever need walk right past the homeless and needy without so much as a second look. Not only that, the vast majority believe that the helpless should help themselves, as if anyone would choose to homeless, as if these people would rather die on the street then ""pull themselves up by the bootstraps"". The reality is that most of the homeless and needy are probably mentally ill, have been raised poorly and other sad things that are out of their control. I don't have enough resources myself to help these people, but those who do, won't. They simply don't care.

As a society we'd rather embrace our worst qualities then try to become better.

​

If this is the way we treat people, then it's unsurprising that we breed, cage and kill more then 56 BILLION animals a year. Far more then we need to. We're omnivores but we eat astronomical amounts of animal products, far more then is required for healthy diet. Most of these animals never even see daylight and are physically and mentally broken before they finally are killed. They are kept in such disgusting conditions because there is such high demand for meat that the turnover has to be huge. It's simply not efficient for them not to suffer. All because Bob wants meat, eggs and milk in every meal. His short term pleasure is more valuable to us then the suffering of billions.

​

Our society rewards short term greed. Good ideas are shoved to the side if they aren't profitable and terrible ideas are allowed to blossom if they can con enough people into believing they want them. Whatever products can give people quick highs in this depressing world make billions while Medical Research foundations have to rely on donations. As far as technology is concerned, we're sold toys that are marketed as the latest technology. We went to the moon in the 60's, are you seriously telling me that phones with the 1/3 of the power of a home computer are cutting edge? In the time we wait for technology that can really help us progress as a species, it will be too late for us.

​

As mentioned I suffer from a learning difficulty. I also suffer from depression and social-phobia. Partly because of my learning disability, partly from growing up with a physically and mentally abusive father. I have seen many doctors in my life but nothing really seems to help.

I have a job that I know I should love. Even though it pays poorly,  It's what I've wanted to do all my life. However I feel numb. Working is difficult to me, I'm always tired and slow. I feel stupid and useless. I'm in constant pain and yet my conditions aren't enough for me to qualify to be on disability. I try so damn hard, but I just feel like going to bed and crying. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. Nothing I do gives me enjoyment anymore. Nothing interests me. I don't trust anybody or care about anybody. I'm almost 30 don't want to start a family or even make friends. The one person I do actually care about lives miles away and it's a struggle for me to even feel like talking to them. So what am I living for? The only thing keeping me alive is fear of death but the constant agony of living is starting to outweigh that fear. Whats the point? I don't want to be a part of this evil anymore. 

I'd rather be dead.",5.405652532585381,6.650558014354073,5.854106583072102,78.76409090909094,68.13875598086125,8.779871308364958,31.75829071110377,9.082995580727538,2.7707039102458326,3484,145,632,63,58,1121,353,836,0.235,0.6459999999999999,0.119,-0.9992,6,0,0,0,2,1,106.0,23,1,11,10,32,60,14,3,47,0,70,17,0,5,7,119,117,66,7,20,26,1,6,4,1,7,11,0,2,2,45,45,5,5,14,3,8,8,18,35,2,5,6,9,73,25,108,97,27,80,0,10,3,1,56,40,1,14,35,450,118,15,0.0,0.05156575981901445,0.042470622768528865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358041022918738,0.0,0.09605392683764627,0.03480405966162218,0.036213303510146906,0.235777173559925,0.2644164129626171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294846466738354,0.030431185125153005,0.0,0.0,0.03874328621427254,0.0,0.0,0.040889801806624285,0.0,0.0,0.07959075146394083,0.04806598330114902,0.0740670369182497,0.09806746183863924,0.0,0.038491154627069694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186491450246187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940623761845668,0.04881296735702214,0.0,0.0,0.047806230508277585,0.0,0.0,0.07496986152457033,0.0,0.09033671475620396,0.0,0.04987931183623772,0.04454601216954352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453327243502252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490776637109891,0.0,0.1437274199515725,0.039367611300591694,0.036668669000533255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041028116531249735,0.09794738256243364,0.11002867488029104,0.062183414804469976,0.0,0.04767558256224131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03362453708587857,0.0,0.0,0.12524912026307689,0.09893689184343206,0.07300739568629544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463293552919739,0.03898663915004544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585743461586945,0.0919655283758708,0.0436555275259274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826075964383303,0.0,0.0,0.043188288687199414,0.03868383312902171,0.14444999160156427,0.0,0.047836462740160235,0.0,0.04909405151136117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229618493112566,0.085049459605305,0.0,0.19215103292231825,0.038515082525653686,0.03654702725200164,0.0,0.0,0.037000350490456566,0.0392797760125281,0.0,0.05810176460642717,0.04412388361289827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384324668804576,0.17543739893793345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398649497702782,0.06454115517692317,0.033566398074863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252799137306555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029491236986056487,0.09929999123054976,0.0463098537950669,0.0,0.0,0.14138835317025295,0.041546114941420666,0.21120588397348872,0.03800122067128797,0.0,0.0,0.08228360862976422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692344608119045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043533192275303695,0.0,0.08364279817889235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716705041010332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034680932829053435,0.03962026144964701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04436460156924981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160936274461173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549803222187191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034980864624111145,0.038039634786326895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782738822960699,0.0,0.08551913806749475,0.0,0.02537768693789089,0.05002146401061183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909636760592396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188072264694582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402034816696256,0.0345452732832678,0.0,0.0,0.07826195716634815,0.04034478750712375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041953090765627934,0.0,0.03168410828456165,0.0,0.0,0.06183272871360807,0.0,0.2644164129626171,0.08407909260402195
suicidewatch,BrickPlane,2019/03/30,"April 30th is the day! And I feel so relieved. I have one month to get everything in order and make it as easy for my family and fiance to move on. Everything will be packed up, my financial affairs will be in order, and I will be able to stop hurting the people around me. I'm so happy, finally.",2.351803278688521,3.8475481147540975,4.4499672131147525,84.88806557377049,76.04918032786884,8.158688524590165,23.67540983606557,8.841846274778883,1.6661514754098357,229,7,48,5,5,79,43,61,0.07200000000000001,0.762,0.166,0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,12,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,2,10,6,0,13,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,34,7,0,0.2654945818288115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363464659476859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122204146083286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772188219165492,0.0,0.25028466333551513,0.0,0.1342420377922606,0.0,0.0,0.29083633712082696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870996112079234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826239192084587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28421744093729184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721969496994625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191524224969852,0.28217872400337674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799059997009861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840605141546968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196535846931087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oxynod,2019/03/30,"Fear of the thing Is always worse than the thing.


It’s finally time to go through with this. I’m so excited to not have this worry anymore. I’m so excited to be free of this dark cloud that suffocated me. 

I waited a full year to make sure this was the right decision and that I gave everything else some time to try and work. It didn’t. And I’m done.

To those considering suicide please give it a long time to be sure you’re making the right call. To those who have given it long, careful thought and are planning on ending it; I wish for you an easy transition out of your pain.

All the best everyone. I hope everyone finds what they’re after in this life and maybe even the next.


",1.987186813186817,3.963235257142859,3.191428571428574,91.3628021978022,78.57142857142857,7.164835164835164,22.1978021978022,8.139509932561175,1.0105439560439566,536,16,119,10,13,173,90,140,0.11,0.6970000000000001,0.193,0.8822,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,0,3,3,10,0,1,9,0,9,2,0,2,3,20,23,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,18,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,7,9,19,15,4,17,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,10,75,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318190578344047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468168140888634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535981344339228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116633255431602,0.0,0.1509375856153835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149726113955395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366919350074082,0.0,0.13112031534612012,0.0,0.0,0.09777963227249226,0.0,0.0,0.28291888880013866,0.13304963427769384,0.0,0.0,0.1665871942221401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217159303644052,0.1353067200268431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201434128926424,0.08413506714562265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470380382114917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456568076268397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26202311344432555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763692896990592,0.0,0.14872700343881193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744319922742547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752597786143518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250447566831142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285227571590624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193273982383122,0.0,0.27905363255458765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670361988946825,0.0,0.0,0.11752795513397506,0.2589715550675185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051006786134213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702397533848904,0.0,0.0,0.10777555382230207,0.15034274159754896,0.15086634623429945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533349956693657
suicidewatch,pandasniper200,2019/03/30,"Why try life has already won Am sick of life each day is a struggle no money to buy some  bread no job no life 
Drugs make me happy temporarily 
Life dose not always get better",1.125,3.451149277777777,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,84.0,4.711111111111111,17.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.3860333333333332,138,3,29,1,4,45,31,36,0.298,0.551,0.151,-0.6377,1,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,13,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627434189687735,0.0,0.19811386144560536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105754111201694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535513826163312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27611425869780915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439465229496985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534562325308583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23627224836450503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6726933037390511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893005922198725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489082734229417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165067045786188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148434309691229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,body_electric_yayo,2019/03/30,Just some support I attempted suicide the other night. Fortunately I failed. It had been 6 years since my last attempt. I've been physically ill for the past 3 days.  I'm tying to forgive myself and I'm really just needing some positive support to move forward. I am in treatment and everything. ,2.794389610389608,5.770354672727276,4.637922077922077,75.80545454545457,84.0909090909091,7.506493506493506,31.493506493506487,8.418075326091056,3.355987012987012,237,13,38,6,7,80,42,55,0.172,0.648,0.18,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,9,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,3,4,6,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773981868758659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721628427260076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421976521363768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923571847763257,0.0,0.2039618311712996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581357149381901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625866134027697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621767314300302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754176345181626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008832790759569,0.6242951427205773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713685315700933
suicidewatch,Oculus_rrrift,2019/03/30,"Update:I'm sorry for the outburst I don't know how many of you read my other posts about two hours ago,but I was not feeling well. After doing some thinking,I think that I have calmed down significantly. I decided that I would like to live for right now,to see what is to come in the future,all though much probably won't change I will try. I sometimes have these kinds of outbursts and tonight was one of them. Thankfully it wasn't that bad,I have had much worse than this. ",5.0665625,5.4406558645833325,5.03125,87.48875000000002,68.47916666666666,8.066666666666668,26.416666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.1984291666666658,377,10,81,4,6,117,73,96,0.086,0.825,0.08900000000000001,0.3217,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,13,0,0,1,0,10,19,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,4,2,10,5,12,12,3,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836847406481412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301694886609004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920736163977528,0.17849848786506042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477478367662038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406630763848832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157838814100164,0.11388065522255933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123541365074062,0.0,0.18297578271826773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008479678336567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30465563530312656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404151226456105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984559284087698,0.0,0.22341421078947035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727236824219405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769615816446666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512455679489252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494221185915976,0.23196167448499075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907769218120516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277583325203673,0.20358895535598706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406862606207264,0.0,0.20242020813649345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863123326972346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21117110511253392,0.1472005089162422,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DancesWithPoles,2019/03/30,"Best Way Out I want to go. I have nothing left to stay here for. No one really cares. I just spent several days in the hospital and got a diagnosis I can’t handle. Friends disappeared already. Any advice on best way out, if I’m allowed to ask? ",-0.054771428571427805,2.282813579999999,2.7717142857142854,87.91300000000004,93.2,6.857142857142858,23.142857142857146,7.957251820313856,1.7134857142857152,189,8,40,5,7,66,41,50,0.073,0.6409999999999999,0.28600000000000003,0.9184,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,4,4,8,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312491114799846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519717601471278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527464996022156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134610548299193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792439660609023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328012809578009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725625594245753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640994121940698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297672234858861,0.0,0.1826192057397217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24808507986675646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909220797847065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472472884638644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627632466214693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579519290214187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433731930670977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467704897235824,0.3624811020443163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theylion,2019/03/30,"Everyone giving advice on this site should go fuck off. I'm not even suicidal. But all you artificial fucks are like every psychiatrist in existence, acting like you give a shit, when you're really just jerking yourselves off. You should be ashamed that you spend time on this site trying to talk to these vulnerable people. All you're really doing is fucking with their heads. If you weren't lazy you would spend 8 years in an expensive psychology college so you could become a legal drug dealer for the depressed. You don't know these people's lives by sitting in front of your computer screen, so stop ""helping"" and go do something productive.",7.874249394673122,8.504713906779664,7.484285714285718,71.42838983050852,62.474576271186436,10.810653753026635,32.958837772397096,10.608840637214634,3.5887685230024218,523,19,87,12,7,165,89,118,0.162,0.727,0.111,-0.8301,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,9,1,0,5,9,5,1,4,0,11,6,2,0,2,14,20,6,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,3,4,3,7,0,0,1,1,10,2,13,14,2,18,0,1,1,3,14,9,4,1,6,54,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105735638868771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332956237170335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976360783443115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077076889079175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300304519385892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561922711934745,0.0,0.14748762521324466,0.16726828737388785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854941953521601,0.0,0.3358488470067029,0.1989705056345953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965235051317582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173326833917961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962031958133726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710416980593677,0.0,0.15457282906872113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271599945727845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428370969625566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968685815623245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347624536802561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635008511519235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147687292966875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069898886270246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207337440637056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884782233028272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243508772883498,0.0,0.0,0.1127268049832164
suicidewatch,ChinchillaC_,2019/03/30,"""It will get better"" doesn't help I've been depressed since 9 years old. I was molested in a foster home when I was 11, and ignored by every adult/mocked by my own parents, been dealing with that since 11. I've been dealing with anxiety since 11. I became wheelchair bound at 12 due to issues caused by PWS until I was 17. I lost my mother at when I was 14, and I've been dealing with mental images of her dying over the course of years, and her on her death bed for since 14. I've been on my own since 19. I've seen therapists that have never helped since around 15. 

I'm now 22. It hasn't got better. I sit at home on disability while these things eat me alive each day. I can't confirm whether I am a sociopath, but based on how society views a sociopath, I'm about as close as it can get. I'm not able to form bonds that people talk about.

Where is this end people speak of?
When does it get better? 
How does it get better?
How do you lead a life of faith when everything you've ever known has betrayed you?
How do you start to form bonds when every attempt ends in pain? ",2.6398906819364925,3.723849433628324,3.6398386257157753,92.64501041124416,74.57522123893807,6.379593961478398,21.701197293076525,6.522977012572876,0.2027764705882351,836,19,190,6,17,269,124,226,0.106,0.818,0.076,-0.6847,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,7,15,10,1,0,5,0,20,3,0,6,2,23,31,18,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,0,11,9,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,12,3,19,5,30,18,5,33,1,2,2,0,15,13,0,0,18,110,30,1,0.10582174334472802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809533440118682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942037870892451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37436292990261705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870808035581073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824627004294803,0.3272927123137716,0.09114411248069472,0.0,0.10982626249319427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521064144223134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082820618688445,0.0,0.0,0.18745331009187471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572182526444817,0.1783187656445986,0.0,0.09510575949284072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114997306493087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463531515300687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186016787471262,0.0,0.2122956735046468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045040669984152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474502684513021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551693342443345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664342775182392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161625217099859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104211850702934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260179590644633,0.0,0.11750252282531518,0.0,0.0,0.14672694527028793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5252210377588885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490117460092237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505550884409785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286720023338495,0.07030326413950662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629146642372958
suicidewatch,Verissimerson,2019/03/30,"How you felt after a suicide attempt? I made an attempt two days ago by inhaling Carbon Monoxide during the night and ended up going to the hospital. There, I went through some procedures and the psychologist only left me go after my ex best friend came to take me home. Nobody in my family knows about my attempt.

I thought that if my attempt failed I would feel at least relieved, but it happens the opposite: I feel weak and very emotional. I feel like I were lost and alone. Although I don't have enough energy again, I am able to plan another attempt, but more effective.

Honestly, I don't have faith and patience for psychiatry and their treatments. Since I was 15 years old I've seen my mom agonizing in psychiatric hospitals. There's no way, maybe another life.",5.165662878787881,6.969255604166667,5.822398989898993,76.63522727272729,69.34722222222223,9.680808080808081,32.535353535353536,10.018931242160765,3.5332444444444437,613,28,108,16,11,199,104,144,0.17,0.6970000000000001,0.134,-0.6982,0,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,1,10,5,9,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,3,0,21,23,11,1,2,3,2,4,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,9,6,20,6,13,13,5,19,1,2,1,0,5,5,0,2,10,70,22,1,0.1625067994486125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440524726119898,0.0,0.0,0.16830803474232262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408050969014705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705408601485314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858644862638684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480344179226496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827982765624627,0.14393278973794413,0.16791296463611666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319694778537368,0.0,0.24650496175262315,0.11609488999648265,0.15603201193992705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555235013845253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471271819461876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370422606546113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163007569841489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893094870569979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656411308939535,0.0,0.11478335834757222,0.0793926136750889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739536828239516,0.0,0.0,0.15376786288830652,0.0,0.0,0.1632599224445538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903259994505428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250162277002285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052354943526715,0.0,0.0,0.12359374381750927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344273038028216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775606267593058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221848889646302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901224657655244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587455298997945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408512863393404,0.0,0.12899033333341847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506454311748189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544016778043956,0.0,0.0,0.10464905085019913
suicidewatch,NTilky,2019/03/30,"Can't talk about suicide Why is it that in this ass backwards society, people think of suicide as this fantasy and that it doesn't actually happen to people. People can't handle the fact that people have suicidal thoughts and it is almost considered a taboo topic.  Why can't we openly talk about suicide??",6.187631578947368,7.705405263157897,6.735921052631582,72.15019736842106,66.54385964912281,9.208771929824564,31.793859649122812,9.516144504307137,3.2430385964912283,248,10,39,5,4,81,37,57,0.129,0.7040000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.3622,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,7,1,1,0,1,9,10,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,9,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,0,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.16162974530125265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585324505029986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464649362710309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593044187449409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7246837787431497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662521936835037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612820045382736,0.0,0.13149070831368415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989083283976905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TinyMunchlax4,2019/03/30,"I'm done. I just can't deal with this shit anymore My life has been one stupid tragedy after another. Birth mom died because of complications from having me, my dad didn't want me. My aunt and uncle raised me. My bio dad, by the time he realized he wanted to be a part of my life, he died. I've been fucking suicidal and depressed since age 11.

Then I got married. Husband cheated on me, wants to separate. I lost my cool and put my hands on him, which i should've never done. I'm 23 and i really don't see myself back g it to 24. I've   attempted hanging, overdosing on a mix of tylenol, benadryl and bad wine, cutting, and yet, I STILL WON'T FUCKING DIE. I just want it to all be over.",1.1008491508491538,3.053876132867135,2.999165834165833,91.75281468531469,81.37762237762237,6.323476523476522,24.200299700299702,7.447530270364453,1.0310103896103902,529,20,118,8,14,177,94,143,0.258,0.6990000000000001,0.043,-0.986,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,6,0,3,1,12,8,2,0,2,16,23,7,4,4,2,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,9,0,1,7,3,20,1,15,13,2,15,0,2,1,2,10,4,3,0,9,70,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621691560884205,0.0,0.0,0.15337611213923807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118920078297328,0.12913038859099987,0.09427619671797208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594424197069529,0.13320404600423338,0.0,0.4815221342370886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165313327023108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859519415169036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236916582583633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218474671012354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688241016927494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112995957629724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192793995463122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047981684459949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674761948082364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547089893460073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907589449921814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323993877238094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587510410425503,0.1279321384048892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350760964023548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916736830429524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901805208016282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648778878268968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SkengOnReddit,2019/03/30,"I'm tired of all of this I'm sorry, I just feel like I can't do this shit any more. When I reach out to my friends they don't listen and brush it off like it's nothing. I'm sorry for wasting your time if you read this. I just needed something to hear me.",-0.7867231638418062,0.8230428983050828,1.4450000000000005,102.21687853107348,86.11864406779661,3.9333333333333336,16.612994350282484,3.1291,-1.2335785310734466,197,4,52,0,6,66,41,59,0.201,0.6459999999999999,0.153,-0.4537,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,8,10,3,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,9,3,7,10,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,4,31,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765210301504996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124975876705125,0.18544161786183866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054828370771602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925617614221078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25363208883068805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247280440154066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490708062147607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596469052594553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26645171140530993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998347947353076,0.0,0.5811496383198895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136123798127105,0.29834518554869704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theraputicschool,2019/03/30,"im so afraid i fucked up when i was eleven for contenxt: i'm a 16 year old girl. when i was 11 i entered an abusive relationship that lasted ~4 months. the guy introduced me to sexual topics, normalized talking about it, introduced me to mastrubation, and got suggestive photos out of me. basically trying to groom me. the only reason i'm out of the relationship is by guidance from other friends. so if he's out of the picture, i'd be ""normal"" now? well,,,  no

i never got that saying weird shit around others wasnt normal. (granted i have autism too but) when i was younger i'd make a lot of dick jokes around people, mostly my mom and brother (i had no friends) when she asked where i learned that from i was afraid to say where because i thought i'd get my pc taken away, so i just said biology books. there wasnt anything explictily sexual, just like Haha Dickbutt xD ... 12 year old humor. it kinda rubbed off on my brother years later and he's autistic too so he'd repeat stuff. when this happened i felt responsible and gross and. whatever other words..? yeah

and when i was younger i also used to mastrubate a lot too, as thats something he told me to do. it mostly just anime stuff (no lolis).  thing is one day (was 11-12 at this point) i think i left my door open and my cousion walked in on me mastrubating (shes younger) and i didnt realize it until maybe 30 sec after but idk if she saw me or understood but it looked like she wasnt paying attention (i was 90% under my sheets, except for my eyes) so i ignored her and kept going for another minute or two and then wondered where her mom was so i stopped. felt weird with her in there but i dont know why i didnt stopped when i frst saw her. maybe i was too focused  and i didnt know what to do but also maybe theres some Hidden Repulsive Meaning? i really wish i knew. 

and like fuck im afraid that im becoming/became what he was even though i wasnt paying attention to her. the last thing i want to do is hurt a child like the way i was hurt but the thought still crosses my mind daily. now im afraid to emotionally connect to ANYONE because what if i hurt them and i rarely go outside because im afraid of people and or else i disassociate. looking in the mirror i see a monster. granted when i was younger i thought i was satan incarnate and i was going to hell when i died so i wonder if this fear is just those delusions repressed. 

i'm fucking dying to talk to my therapist about this and i think that'll make me seem more suspicious even though that's what i think i deserve at this point.  what am i supposed to do then? even if i open up i have to live with this so i gotta off myself. i know it's what i deserve but i'm so scared too. like what if i fail? 

once again, i'm 16. my options are limited, mostly drugs but i do have access to them and my organs are already damaged/stressed due to other medications and illness so it might work if i make it hard to find me. emphasis on the might, i know my methods generally have a low success rate. but i cant have them finding me. if i go through with this ill never be able to look my mom in the eyes again so i have to make sure this is foolproof. 

i'm so tired of living. i've been fending off depression, delusions and intrusive thoughts (related to the trauma) for the past few years and even after getting help it still feels unbearable. i cant fully open up because im so scared of myself. i cant trust others and i dont know if i can trust myself. meeting this guy feels like being bitten by a werewolf and waiting for the full moon. you dont want it to happen, you dont know if its gonna happen, but youre scared shitless and rather die then live another day in fear of what'll happen. ",1.5300143910143902,3.5235450038961105,3.3330431730431727,89.69948753948758,80.12987012987013,6.136188136188136,23.39241839241839,7.222845823187471,0.8669006669006674,2903,100,621,38,74,970,313,770,0.16899999999999998,0.759,0.073,-0.998,0,0,3,0,0,0,84.0,0,3,3,4,57,43,5,11,21,2,58,12,4,6,3,127,124,77,3,17,29,5,6,6,2,5,5,3,1,4,44,34,0,7,30,2,2,7,19,27,1,3,39,17,103,16,74,76,9,82,2,6,8,4,43,34,6,26,46,416,147,9,0.05352941686173244,0.06342360578613168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590710426001946,0.0856149106493636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226052179072496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742901289065863,0.0,0.04405014907529888,0.09530505980471192,0.05004277882560313,0.0,0.050292649222248194,0.0,0.0,0.1305241427073108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904409099529975,0.0,0.04610480830558726,0.0,0.1666652504924112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509443115826251,0.0,0.06207712909451744,0.0,0.04471695904323054,0.06021338910691265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142269995688092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047095206638515,0.05413216308861444,0.03824142610170488,0.10279326944160652,0.0,0.0978498344889418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271338936382946,0.1484612499814196,0.05593382193010031,0.0,0.12168800475367285,0.0,0.08562472933923955,0.0,0.0,0.10600507715209094,0.18934354618886404,0.0,0.047951843259116916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03587963977073881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191304361665233,0.0,0.3469257354283383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651020555210464,0.08726723843681664,0.0,0.0,0.05815986804523219,0.0,0.0,0.15691061522014116,0.0,0.14180236737986707,0.0,0.13485368530715847,0.0,0.0,0.09101759197156624,0.0,0.0,0.1429252056717618,0.0,0.1613324822407592,0.05830922764871015,0.0,0.05392525590792088,0.0,0.11357250421339128,0.05404945150891358,0.1880790182093692,0.04272666983860877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825703725352832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734238945946033,0.0,0.0,0.11234023675851296,0.05700708194656956,0.036272918217707,0.040711533651253067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109988537429333,0.074221115339555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120520234184832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03429231514068174,0.05503715584564976,0.0,0.11494112176894902,0.0,0.0,0.05091873354862658,0.08513748160384325,0.16077685368260386,0.0,0.042656014761836544,0.048731170686624616,0.0,0.0,0.054947177170178337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120956031085319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549732290509232,0.08950597877005878,0.06131776615809364,0.0,0.12255675101180985,0.0,0.0,0.050450841897555714,0.0,0.0,0.08604983523037586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062151778755915536,0.07112513201761801,0.10289846670563556,0.10518476056591576,0.1699855107773179,0.0,0.06152419018723291,0.0,0.051149651764148964,0.0,0.036342960285910116,0.0,0.05229046214543034,0.0,0.0,0.04623222931915619,0.0,0.0,0.06314607392883549,0.04248915951557948,0.0,0.0,0.04812937438322475,0.0,0.04830197274953375,0.0,0.061556187633714995,0.0,0.11610073834900572,0.038970053007619083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378847577123401
suicidewatch,E-RED91,2019/03/30,"I'm done with this world. Not sure whether to just end it or keep sleep walking through life waiting for the end.... The world is just a lie to me. It's just a joke. I did all the ""right"" things growing up and I'm now 28 with a job I hate, no friends or relationships, a family that doesn't understand me, and a society that tosses me into the ""crazy"" bin whenever I talk about my feelings and illness. Been suicidal since I was 12. ""It'll get better"", they always said. Well, it's been 16 years and I'm still waiting. I've tried cocktails of medications, several forms therapy, lifestyle changes, self-help books, I've tried it all. I just want to be done already. It sounds stupid but I would probably do it already except I don't want to leave my two cats alone. ",2.6296353646353654,4.342812902597402,3.6650649350649367,89.88517982017983,75.81818181818181,7.335864135864138,26.78121878121879,8.139509932561175,1.5600925074925076,593,23,129,10,13,191,100,154,0.104,0.823,0.073,-0.7476,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,2,0,9,0,13,4,1,0,3,28,26,8,1,3,10,0,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,11,7,1,3,2,3,0,2,4,2,1,1,7,3,13,5,13,16,3,12,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,5,79,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643887617941804,0.333367681813335,0.0,0.12568299328756735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358857269868255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597874298364562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30914652819808963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26756516890527776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239342989389905,0.0,0.07637377353626278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166983417483,0.0,0.07891569088259158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912739097931418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124345032831138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989058912158834,0.1342572885715857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993669523844556,0.0,0.0,0.10668878411826807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216370629249068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285394004994114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216767819928646,0.0,0.12899309630514136,0.1436800453892836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757469879246244,0.17063982992962495,0.0,0.1249474296752306,0.0,0.15115583077053613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062612696302265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652206249195078,0.0,0.14235977112128892,0.0,0.0,0.1214056533813208,0.0,0.0,0.17273511861053545,0.0,0.10034874676184663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051016519675927,0.0,0.1475507234936855,0.15724499017746582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781825692814165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580916519330988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072992750535292,0.0,0.0,0.09726915255894933
suicidewatch,SharkbaitChildren,2019/03/30,Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem? I’ve never really bought about it whenever someone said this to me but now I’ve been thinking. how can someone be so sure that it’s a temporary problem? I couldn’t possibly imagine being happy while I’m alive. They say it’s not that you don’t want to be alive it’s just how you’re tired of living like this. I guess it’s true.  ,1.0890694444444478,3.434555212500001,3.3641666666666663,86.7752777777778,84.375,7.055555555555558,25.13888888888889,8.167268648758528,1.8777222222222207,307,13,62,7,9,105,54,80,0.132,0.581,0.28800000000000003,0.9354,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,3,15,14,5,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,3,2,5,4,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605456968153639,0.0,0.0,0.25177245030455603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554828848231137,0.0,0.20884528214354212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241337998222604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26663283249902714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526219334786346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151626231441384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224977991641018,0.1880846035410027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007933372468881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587067972546534,0.0,0.2229106714893296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154795867200346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718368620155328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395014752179342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,winter_hater,2019/03/30,"I walked to the hospital today I am suicidal and all I want is for this suffering to end. I walked all the way to to the hospital and I just sat outside. I was thinking about how concerned all my friends and family would be and the thought of my parents flying to where I live makes me not want to admit that I need help. I guess I’ll just keep cutting. 

Convince me that I should go back to the hospital. ",3.3446428571428584,4.275256559523811,4.620000000000001,86.875,72.69047619047619,8.457142857142857,29.47619047619048,8.841846274778883,2.1691333333333342,317,13,69,6,6,105,51,84,0.131,0.748,0.121,-0.4247,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,3,22,17,5,1,5,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,0,14,2,10,11,3,8,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328846234137332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341582472667089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492297192692835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425587735888834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025070527386294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912394503918446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720534382787426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349891168818958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334484350801539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647271805519493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196031104350208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935577374516032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28918391808433297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694011635237938,0.0,0.2098846384434533,0.0,0.0,0.2505970882168241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118710726595805,0.20984898870294924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780479000551487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingWeaselFart,2019/03/30,"You guys might want to help this dude out if he wasn't joking  [https://imgur.com/a/RO8Kdbe](https://imgur.com/a/RO8Kdbe) 

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I made a post asking what april fool's pranks they were going to pull and one guy said suicide. Someone should reach out and make sure he isn't going to kill himself or anything",14.938846153846152,12.234330576923075,9.52692307692308,73.06807692307696,50.92307692307693,11.169230769230769,37.53846153846154,7.1686216300943375,2.6997000000000004,258,6,42,1,2,66,45,52,0.108,0.698,0.194,0.4537,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,12,12,4,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,4,1,4,2,5,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,3,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395205492602717,0.26861448676302896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191516342512487,0.0,0.2066630982961141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512692208351121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377722059703325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817317692549206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445723138126057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917417855719012,0.1475605797775142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345118132206863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979731020207873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171625754527906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102805536268425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730508755875053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180591246693944,0.0,0.20834828806233074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038807585852855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26861448676302896,0.0
suicidewatch,skariaa_,2019/03/30,"Please don't look for me nobody cares, why am i writing this? bye bye",-1.974,-0.5507963999999994,-0.2666666666666657,105.88000000000004,113.0,2.0,11.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.0083333333333333,54,1,13,0,3,17,14,15,0.0,0.675,0.325,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255314379516944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328447295886224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658048021860619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651097436250588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FacialFollicles,2019/03/30,"Idk My depression started in my teens. I was lost and confused, but that’s how most teenagers felt. So I considered myself normal. Then came college, I found people I belonged with, so I wasn’t alone, and I was normal. I dropped out, price because too high. Moved back home, hung out with my best friend. Life was okay, he got killed. I figure it was just sadness of losing a friend. I climbed through his wrecked truck and dried blood to recover his things for his family in the inbound. I was sad because I lost my best friend. But now I’m 26 with a beautiful wife and child I loved more than anything, but every week I want to kill myself. It’s not just a phase, I talked to people. But I loved to a foreign country for my wife and so my child could have a better life. But I’m still lonely and sad. They depict depression as this whole different thing in songs and movies. They don’t talk about waking up at 3 AM looking at yourself in the mirror naked and crying cause you don’t want to live anymore.!i thought I was normal and everybody had suicidal thoughts and then I met my wife, who never had them, and then I met other who never had them. Idk what I want, I just know I don’t want life, but my child is stopping me. But he is only 2, isn’t it better to leave a child at 2 then leave him. At 20v",1.4371410736579264,3.5814883445692907,2.45318352059925,95.08766541822723,81.28464419475655,5.303870162297129,21.124843945068665,6.42735559955562,0.16909637952559287,1016,30,222,9,27,321,140,267,0.208,0.613,0.17800000000000002,-0.7622,1,3,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,4,8,12,22,2,1,8,1,19,7,2,2,2,49,40,27,3,8,11,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,4,11,17,0,1,6,1,1,3,8,12,0,0,20,3,41,10,27,19,5,28,0,9,1,2,29,12,0,2,12,147,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013699505507872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750941516306218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176950891890063,0.0,0.12964872574496886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231962116321301,0.18809958662520174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162554233313087,0.0,0.10924129150857076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490447342863383,0.0,0.11681037219902053,0.0,0.0,0.1831823453823196,0.0,0.0,0.11110349945016756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959670796996493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024863938624594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210384164827056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659719517260367,0.2464759080727669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505044983121325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235489061624504,0.10666848995687303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353006725096572,0.0,0.058442121015953925,0.0,0.0,0.225199099390102,0.0,0.0,0.2253349495183601,0.0,0.0,0.09390087206392847,0.0,0.08929948692220929,0.11896815099559728,0.2321670837547848,0.0,0.19195344234986733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130234380648584,0.0,0.0,0.16403315680061129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125742085099336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087696806933699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744663826249654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526856349714164,0.0,0.08492389790375919,0.0889056679737486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631957218157855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709454091294006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129620073743435,0.0,0.0,0.1688454289778878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25089022922079124,0.0,0.08530017302919538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872570227656988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Entropyexempt,2019/03/30,"The fight life is often what kills I am a dog with a chain wrapped around it’s neck 
I’ve been starving for days but my water and food bowls are too far away 
When I try to reach them the chain chokes me I fight it because I want that water and food so so bad 
I get tired and eventually I give in to the pull and surrender 
I look across the yard and see how the other dogs run free and get treats and can reach their food bowls anytime they please 
I am happy for them but sometimes I feel envy 
My throat is sore and parched my stomach growls 
My paws are bleeding trying to reach the things that give me life 
After such a long time it’s getting harder to try and reach out 
All the other dogs think I’ve chosen to not eat and drink 
They think I like it this way 
They don’t see how hard I fought for it 
The chain has lacerated my throat the wound is infected every breathe hurts 
I fight for life but the chain of death is much too strong and I can’t free myself alone ",2.9566991869918686,3.9474738731707366,3.2668292682926854,95.98284552845527,73.6829268292683,6.247154471544715,20.495934959349594,6.079149491110277,-0.2137869918699193,764,14,181,4,15,235,114,205,0.226,0.647,0.127,-0.9795,0,1,1,0,3,0,0.0,0,0,6,1,10,13,5,0,13,0,13,20,5,2,1,26,26,19,2,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,1,0,12,14,7,0,3,2,2,2,3,7,0,0,2,5,27,8,17,24,2,14,0,1,3,0,12,6,0,1,6,108,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480050617235188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446012084167438,0.0,0.0,0.13135565336142802,0.0,0.11673511563859733,0.08522659031637632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016557910237748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369601109350981,0.0,0.14306005014867013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779555687840665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069189792478453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071747069382565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913412312489208,0.2682360767754275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882984180190062,0.12524187527587402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496689908288986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467852770567314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962548118573833,0.06830387309850787,0.0,0.0,0.12372703231364048,0.11740479119482712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277608942400866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534688772133571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228201844796469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827519764624538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288323772034528,0.17916859995819084,0.0,0.0,0.0815240598204219,0.16069048508189668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28476447556071405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246328167637967,0.1109742953544372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,byhisbootstraps,2019/03/30,"My friend commited suicide on November 7th last year. I feel like I'm never going to heal. Ever since then I just feel like I'm just living while something interesting still happens and if I encounter any troubles that'll be it for me. I've struggled with depression before and after she did it I just spiraled into hell. Medication certainly helped but the feeling that I have to end up like her just never went away, I'm always trying to drown myself in other people and alcohol. I don't even want to feel okay, because that's going to mean she's really dead. I just want to fucking hug her again and see her smile. I know that me dying won't bring her back but it feels like the only way to be closer to her. ",3.6610795454545486,5.090969868055558,5.002954545454545,82.51022727272729,72.54166666666667,7.4585858585858595,24.896464646464647,8.00094639256281,1.444772222222222,567,17,109,8,11,189,93,144,0.16,0.6679999999999999,0.172,-0.0299,0,0,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,2,1,2,1,7,5,0,0,5,28,26,9,4,3,8,0,5,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,8,6,1,0,7,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,2,6,19,9,16,20,0,23,1,1,1,2,9,6,2,1,16,72,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613042672006446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559052071341706,0.0,0.0,0.10264139223207916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180897634272566,0.11606016923330872,0.0,0.09200894838299477,0.0,0.12843508921598973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000062178869362,0.0,0.15664733600722322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336841525197479,0.0,0.0,0.09969154848000077,0.13652990263921533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381587903676092,0.3234852949625352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661247972529865,0.1395375415161946,0.0,0.0,0.17156037367458124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334718635694099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011689594029855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295026526565465,0.12303266921070265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949580646579805,0.0,0.13327891101441794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441313019041848,0.0,0.15205175025734974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328216983305416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479333464646126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463974906954766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966932182282213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027614138012653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485549829968565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619760846940468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205373750310526,0.0,0.0,0.15779067371137884,0.0,0.16509906212020312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247537314318596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805146959625487,0.11980566364560585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991882485043353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971975857646897
suicidewatch,fisting-nigger-ass,2019/03/30,"I’ve become the abuser and I lost the only thing I loved because of it My whole childhood was mentally abusive and I swore I would never let negativity or hate dwell inside of me. I’ve done the exact opposite and I haven’t been able to escape hateful feelings, everyone I meet I hurt. I had a genuine loving relationship and I tore it into pieces because my negativity overwhelmed the love, always was suspicious she was cheating, always took things out of proportion, and eventually yesterday on her birthday she said she couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with me. I fully understand her decision and I just hope she understands my decision too. There is no way to stop my cycle of pain unless I neutralize it whether that’s a bullet in my head or a rope around my neck, I don’t care how I go out I only know it needs to happen. Thanks for reading this bullshit. ",2.995997899159665,5.529628648809523,4.699831932773112,78.96869747899161,77.98809523809524,7.524369747899161,27.14425770308124,8.4952907291091,2.349769887955183,695,29,123,15,17,234,110,168,0.21600000000000005,0.624,0.16,-0.9135,0,0,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,15,3,2,7,0,12,6,2,1,2,31,31,12,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,12,0,1,6,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,9,2,29,6,17,19,2,14,0,4,0,3,12,7,0,3,4,94,38,1,0.13402023422797668,0.31758412481854664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303114202959134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291206004294231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930642240257568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339498170906755,0.14801481926975746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664256077581194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371492304466855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280620771157944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776465728313881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616678760926893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851365051917928,0.0,0.0,0.2646344700106688,0.13754342515641493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311233243035375,0.0,0.0,0.14347143261346346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736540157997771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704476964678133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462989172688908,0.0,0.3628754816701264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506087420630072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937430551582296,0.10336466672198118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385685462684888,0.1426069783476553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405650200670385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388757588832796,0.0,0.0,0.12748393307563505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204691684342924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076653711549592,0.0,0.0,0.12338782549078747,0.0,0.0,0.1780741769916682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890141147121613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790395806174779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637902380174613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962880537704892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952041291671844,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,celinat0r,2019/03/30,"for someone who doesn’t consider herself actively suicidal, I sure do think about it a lot I do try to get help. I have therapy, meds, and people who care about me. Usually that combo is enough to keep my anxiety/depression/eating disorder at bay. But on bad days, all I can think about is I wish I were dead I wish I were dead I wish I were dead. I’m fucking tired idk",1.625454545454545,3.4252515454545467,3.8714285714285737,86.89857142857143,79.0,8.555844155844158,25.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.1519922077922087,287,11,63,8,7,99,54,77,0.303,0.5,0.198,-0.9165,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,2,11,20,2,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,13,2,8,17,3,4,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247454955052106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861865175794297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777052674672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929076124707588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886884433814304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688231327715747,0.0954079570996683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240190331624855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231516806224008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552513704675917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284230461397887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660112868838422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547277293618136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997494049409395,0.0,0.17211095517196712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883432181464384,0.0,0.0,0.23402256829726398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098872237019983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398250204201068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011228452630575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6299891449916605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,collectedd,2019/03/30,Why does no one see me. Feels like I am completely invisible. No one sees me. No one cares. Seriously. What's the point. I'm so completely alone. Just can't deal with it. ,-1.6136428571428567,-0.5561685428571419,1.2876785714285717,93.62294642857144,120.14285714285714,6.321428571428572,15.803571428571427,7.1686216300943375,0.6539285714285721,131,4,31,4,8,45,28,35,0.279,0.586,0.134,-0.6031,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,3,3,2,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460147282628485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421828668119975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981020691499048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24488825946271456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078685679989054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201048844238886,0.16969512393699182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604765220660535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828797965959544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245474489993279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378569444163344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433848283623266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sun_flower_30,2019/03/30,I don’t even want to exist He’ll never love me. No one does. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m tired of crying everyday. I’m tired of being depressed. I want out. ,-2.3980701754385976,-0.6666658947368411,1.1642105263157916,97.99614035087721,102.68421052631581,3.5859649122807014,14.228070175438594,5.46131890053228,-0.9505403508771928,128,3,31,1,6,46,26,38,0.354,0.455,0.191,-0.8801,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,8,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611834677320265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892898281940849,0.0,0.0,0.22683255016751466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046909434441554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394753856349404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769369668664556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312033450305256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846031344073662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.605389740031518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660116431047501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brentbowling,2019/03/30,I'm losing it.. I'm close to the edge. I've lost the girl of my dreams to my own self conscience problems. I pushed her away. My own mental problems and me thinking the worst and being paranoid when I had no reason has ruined my life. I went from planning a future and getting my life in order to doing drugs off a casino toilet overnight to cope. I didn't have much to live for before but now I truly dont. I dont want to but I'm slipping.. I've failed 3 times in the past. I dont want to try for 4 but I'm so close..,-0.7270822281167071,1.1587284137931029,1.7244827586206917,98.59187002652521,88.13793103448276,3.5692307692307685,16.681697612732094,3.1291,-1.0829753315649868,400,9,96,0,13,136,71,116,0.17600000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.075,-0.8445,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,1,0,14,19,8,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,2,1,2,5,7,0,0,4,0,14,0,15,14,4,14,0,4,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469657075451635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491641735520429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6163375991395579,0.0,0.20328796438962787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158504079166782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476338111269196,0.0,0.0,0.15478977540124506,0.0,0.0,0.19611163312703628,0.191356533544752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766573614358333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886289284496258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734007886329366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33546961992984403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023371152718126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287218999467647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232274076095014,0.0,0.0,0.10221663661072572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901462783768235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678850674045826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250135380129127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChocolatPenguin,2019/03/30,"Heartbreak may be the end of me My husband and I have been trying to put our marriage back together for a year after he had an affair. Suddenly today, he says we are done. No emotion behind it. Even our marriage counselor was shocked by it.

I have struggled before due to his affair. It almost wrecked me once, but the sudden lack of anything is worse. I've cried so much my head hurts. I want to go to sleep and not wake up.

I feel like I'm lost and drowning at the same time. It's hard to breathe. I could get rid of the pain so easily, and the temptation is unbelievably strong. I need help",1.207482517482518,3.4707375041322344,2.6680991735537205,92.51165924984106,83.04958677685951,5.375969485060395,22.530832803560077,6.67199483983844,0.5474445009535915,462,16,98,5,13,150,89,121,0.215,0.6609999999999999,0.123,-0.8818,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,7,0,12,5,4,0,0,15,19,7,1,4,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,5,3,14,2,14,11,3,13,0,3,0,0,13,2,0,2,10,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994336120114164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389470232758632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314454220456225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694735848734219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590159570023056,0.0,0.2187719017966194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381354744358815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240322834536428,0.17639986631835802,0.0,0.0,0.13154570301326096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070311840024827,0.14228254112846692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405477946973113,0.0,0.11318928388783098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784114978493684,0.0,0.20439934892356573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334951868107013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320879120157232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730129225209283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174106352519404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640818829044047,0.14767731226750228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210277200711036,0.0,0.0,0.21192415044971924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021446322917671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838291694007814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993074692812677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820907507985426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161339175997218,0.0,0.1887838390371415,0.0,0.0,0.13521903518602602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747187247915156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029647597888958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282548515451421
suicidewatch,colt-m16,2019/03/30,"Looking at my past, how far I've reached I don't think I'll make it to the end Thinking about my family specifically my brother I've postponed my suicide several times so I can destroy my life but make a good life for my brother and family. But life is hard. Doing job for 12 hours straight I've tried my best to give my brother and family whatever they want. But life is not fair. Every f time it hits back with depression, stress and anxiety.... I'm still trying to do my best but now I don't think I'll make it to the end. ",1.0976167076167087,3.091435027027032,3.122031122031121,90.65218673218672,81.61261261261261,6.91924651924652,23.604422604422606,8.00094639256281,1.2492270270270267,412,15,92,8,11,139,64,111,0.152,0.6829999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.545,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,1,1,3,0,7,4,0,4,0,17,18,9,1,1,5,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,13,3,9,17,2,12,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,9,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061498700042054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118483852803086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034876334526999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245396955527724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561369849769101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182775266711998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089346602485774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387089601839888,0.0,0.12127965354307267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952896194909394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239721602797478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434884956479819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085276660891509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121423610895465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28955539978389033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803254803956824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335149950186478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154739706822174,0.0,0.16563339508299474,0.0,0.0,0.1581637583697051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779524346230489,0.0,0.0,0.16862933135031494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963413958689094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528603752482146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrownestPole,2019/03/30,"You ever feel like you lost the one? I just broke up with my girlfriend a little under a month ago. Long story short, we just can't be together right now. Mostly because I need to work on myself. I just feel so down though. We were only dating for 3 months. But I legitimately feel like I lost the one. I've been in way longer relationships, but I feel like none of them have effected me this much. I feel like I want to kill myself, I don't think I'll find anyone like her.",1.0278787878787874,3.0669976969697004,2.8124141414141413,92.53195454545455,82.13131313131315,5.576161616161617,15.960606060606061,6.742157984588678,-0.3933563636363635,368,6,83,4,10,122,69,99,0.118,0.7340000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,2,2,1,4,7,9,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,1,20,16,4,1,2,5,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,8,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,5,19,5,10,11,3,16,0,3,0,0,8,8,0,1,12,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609841490985086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735437511909007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359275529942862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888007626797946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881564121928287,0.4387381964685467,0.0,0.0,0.140327075519649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986235797880134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750442002420167,0.153881162700758,0.0,0.13587254654055966,0.0,0.0,0.3352004724086036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24509836552960745,0.0,0.11286497972505564,0.11384333792764136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807689908272495,0.1167693432909332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483780027862271,0.0,0.13111699249919706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837823425165247,0.1508461400731091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055818981464343,0.12186795260819687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177440615953003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LogicalDrawer,2019/03/30,"I think it would better to not be alive anymore [cry for help] diagnosed anxiety/ depressed 

I'm an early 20s man. I did one thing on my bucket list, I came out as gay to my friends. They were so sweet and kind to me about it. I consider my closest friends, no matter if they live far away, as part of my family. I**n this post, ""family"" refers to friends/ my 2 cousins.** I don't have a good relationship with my Dad. My mom is ok, I don't trust her 100% though

I think my family would miss me? I think they would. I also deeply fear that my death could trigger someone else's mental illness. I don't want to be a burden in death or life. My friends are so kind to me, but I'm having trouble these days.

I feel like the burden of my death will be less than the burden I am alive. I feel that I'm a financial burden on my parents. I've had to do 99% of the work in my friendships, even though they give heartfelt responses and were always great to me when I lived near them. I recently started talking to friends much more frequently, and I fear they see me as a nuisance. I was always discouraged/ controlled by my dad. My parents rarely encouraged me or told me ""good job"".

I'm so scared that I will fail hairdresser school. It's my dream day job that I never told my mom/dad about because I was scared. The rent on my apartment was raised 60$ for this lease, and I fear those raises won't end. I love where I live. I can't seem to hold a ltr with any guy. I think I accidentally caused a friend an inconvenience.

If I kill myself, I have some notes planned, and I plan on post a smiling selfie so my family can have a positive memory & closure.

I blame myself for everything. I am so grateful to my family. I don't want to die, but I think it would be best if I wasn't alive anymore. I guess people would miss, but it's hard right now.",2.0841164921465962,3.623894986910997,3.5530595549738244,90.85089823298432,76.87958115183247,6.9739528795811525,23.194044502617803,7.756953410329674,0.9054002617801048,1423,43,320,21,32,469,191,382,0.235,0.605,0.159,-0.9821,5,0,0,0,0,4,60.0,0,0,6,7,14,36,1,5,14,1,36,5,0,3,1,44,60,25,5,11,9,6,3,1,6,8,3,0,1,2,14,9,0,3,9,1,1,1,10,16,0,1,11,5,71,20,36,36,6,27,0,5,1,2,29,14,0,8,11,206,85,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061184128188280965,0.12732304366947994,0.08289734560401364,0.0,0.05202866582296562,0.0,0.058529088085142886,0.0,0.1517525119680623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188261655833791,0.0,0.0,0.04663910654404768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029135523487925,0.0676658919021003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750578294939547,0.0,0.07859570087406455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581122090523434,0.0610861195827524,0.0,0.08404141827288875,0.09868380360521127,0.0,0.06589699107479335,0.07765490840473971,0.07940414407814715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391335652959568,0.0,0.06776416361880283,0.0,0.0,0.05053339737941382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876125307368176,0.0,0.3606288412296545,0.2582813011759681,0.07737038280836743,0.05465796317400647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546634514483153,0.0,0.0,0.07339429465174004,0.0,0.12834404663684726,0.0,0.08435131649595876,0.08428316319827978,0.07575582547349602,0.0,0.0,0.06853693363871949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128229329288087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184652692592998,0.0,0.08464574620387147,0.15934446173706335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404048854984463,0.03737837690076287,0.0,0.20267624313022606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905225637822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771029616228454,0.0,0.0,0.17921256429699742,0.0,0.0,0.05624283415578413,0.0,0.059008369213201226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184440096152138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990812652930393,0.08285166738980257,0.0,0.053041627921692806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654872682884604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554329444884941,0.08214191050456307,0.0,0.06533817028188807,0.0,0.0,0.15319748317692594,0.07743107686173055,0.06096767620019264,0.0696508159955103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482573050496589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415338303079055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061494944156142824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082910396994842,0.24511902305894134,0.15033918332931107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621503785202555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025384603090177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569937994766787,0.0,0.0,0.27174858598580703,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ladylollylion,2019/03/30,"I hope I’m sick and can’t stop thinking about suicide. I’m not overweight or anything. I’m pretty average to low weight, my bmi is 19 i, pretty sure. But my diet is horrific. I don’t eat fruit or vegetables. I got my blood tested a little bit ago. I didn’t have any deficiencies but there was something wrong with my liver enzymes. My doctor ordered an ultrasound, so i got that. Today my mum got a call saying that the results were in when we were ready. Most people would be hoping they were ok, but i hope I’m sick. I want to have a few months to live. I always joke about stuff with my friends and i would say something about getting cancer or heart disease. They tell me not to say that, that i, putting bad vibe into the universe or whatever, but i say it because i mean it.",2.182285714285716,3.953742800000004,3.6171428571428565,89.48500000000001,77.25,6.071428571428572,24.55357142857143,6.868970318607317,0.8682321428571438,608,21,127,6,14,200,98,160,0.168,0.657,0.175,-0.4301,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,2,0,6,10,0,0,6,1,14,13,3,1,1,28,28,12,1,6,10,1,1,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,7,6,6,1,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,8,6,24,7,11,17,3,11,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,8,5,79,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116530293948687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938425209321223,0.0,0.0,0.08939649154518224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817939093760867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976260650900424,0.08013606399261998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351896147666218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423413222066347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345536516306872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451517056993406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156474236294784,0.0,0.06868179695450731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31541883274728777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577931030617226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917047492500964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317562525218444,0.11608052835752306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431971710764758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049291595365987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113697933709644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674817186788594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215240261848896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181652547927563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20240681263594576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990544268156707,0.0,0.0,0.1504888741362312,0.14379458997959155,0.0,0.12389836273738275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490078500668735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423349061847214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460757081142125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753780589988031,0.0,0.0,0.16008140253204806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867691187942956,0.14372956045833304,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Peanutswithcream,2019/03/30,Thank you I have just written my letters :) thank you to the people in my life and I hope we will meet again one day ,-1.537399999999998,0.3975007599999998,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,101.4,2.5,14.25,3.1291,-1.67,89,2,22,0,4,28,21,25,0.0,0.647,0.353,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,7,3,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583469866055333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39787560559469776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829481001238165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714497064657277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777182118565527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7376176931742384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tributekingdom,2019/03/30,When did these feelings arrive? I have felt this way since i was like 9 the fuck is this bullshit.,0.03683333333333394,2.398530350000001,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,95.5,2.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.242833333333333,77,2,17,0,3,23,18,20,0.307,0.588,0.105,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670385956396503,0.0,0.5070879999374764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882480388728922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580178335059184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368749192864647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192053241388342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BigWang-in-yo-Thang,2019/03/30,"I'm tired and lonely My whole life has been shit. I was abused physically and mentally by my father, neglected by my mother, bullied at school, and now I'm painfully lonely in my marriage to a man who is mentally abusive. There's no other way out for me. I don't need replies. I just needed to get this out. ",1.8376190476190464,3.874123158730161,3.86373015873016,86.0632142857143,79.3174603174603,6.73968253968254,24.785714285714285,7.793537801064563,1.4186952380952391,241,9,49,4,6,82,48,63,0.416,0.584,0.0,-0.985,0,4,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,9,10,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,8,0,9,8,1,6,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,34,11,1,0.0,0.5428336395331497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968241065361593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618026875285745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617081281743813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397129246939175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437523132603447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318364742928595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23514254507966464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26328840551326765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818293426766182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25575443687000504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnnyblaze976,2019/03/30,"No purpose.... I’ve come to the realization that I don’t hate life.   I merely hate myself and my purpose IN life.   I, litterally, lost a good friend.  She dropped off the face of the earth.   I feel like I’ve lost another because she no longer wants to be around miserable people like me.  My job has just been swiped out from under my feet by a total weasel.  I lost a life coach that was actually helping me out.   I feel like I have no “real” friends.    I can’t express enough how worthless I feel in general.   I truly WANT to die...  but I can’t kill myself.   Instead, I cut myself... a lot.  I carry my knife around with me.   Relationships, litterally make me ill.  I can’t stand when others talk about their own relationships because I don’t have ANY sort of relationship. I’m no good for anyone... especially myself.  If I were someone else in the world looking at me, I’d automatically hate me.   I’m truly a walking mess and I’m taking up space and making other people miserable and I don’t deserve to be around.   ",1.7220650873414698,4.064478402010053,3.8785786073223285,84.13324958123955,81.56281407035175,6.403541517109357,23.04402967217037,7.62386473244151,1.1698210576692991,778,27,156,13,21,266,110,199,0.22,0.664,0.116,-0.9705,1,0,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,1,3,8,19,5,2,9,0,14,6,2,3,1,27,33,8,2,3,3,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,3,1,0,2,10,12,0,0,6,4,34,7,23,25,4,19,0,6,1,0,11,14,0,3,4,102,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.11369668855069735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923061085355791,0.12217060928746196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146631134326036,0.0,0.0,0.3111550803110996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204649850998005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036281486035188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209187039510544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973289281868512,0.0,0.0,0.12038569483477644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767324587777932,0.1664691470284165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800302548681903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544566545403133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450877082350481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809401527595564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561792805978688,0.0,0.1289007525333791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24688280110032845,0.1707623050323197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783882844316984,0.0,0.3815523962207576,0.09905240497432438,0.0,0.0,0.1555422973358887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154635197460124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261357856789147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752635384558774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871831509985488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760081622162705,0.09364610667656187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744091338499967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,graceianna,2019/03/30,Anyone else ever think of doing something so bad that no one will care when you kill urself? I hate everything. I don’t know if there is a god but I sit on my knees sobbing and begging for whoever is our higher power to just fucking let me fucking die ,3.0948076923076933,4.42498886538462,4.6838461538461535,84.63615384615386,73.80769230769229,6.7384615384615385,26.461538461538463,7.1686216300943375,1.336292307692308,199,7,39,2,4,67,48,52,0.307,0.634,0.059,-0.9452,1,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,1,1,0,1,5,7,4,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,7,12,5,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,7,1,4,10,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,1,3,1,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991677858451585,0.2636439805680568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484267684233324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623441744647549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26704662733313106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494906217956106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23275116551131125,0.0,0.0,0.231253178756701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4757569556949027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540398510379656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846748277973192,0.0,0.14141056681972686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631163874093732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435957006545047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980894168828976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487353188685033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gamerjock927,2019/03/30,"Do people care I don’t know if people care about me or not, and when I go to ask people I stop myself because I can’t tell if they don’t like me and are just going to snake me over and show the messages I sent them to people. I’m really just done with everything in life and the only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my family, they overreact to everything so what would happen if I killed myself. My “friends” all make plans about parties they and lots of other people are going to without me, in fact currently they are talking about one of their parties that they’re all going to in a group chat for my birthday that I made. And when they asked who was going to their party the host was typing I showed up in the chat and they stopped. I think he made a new chat without me as if I don’t know what’s going on.",5.993908045977008,4.836533563218391,6.462643678160923,83.16339080459773,66.816091954023,9.11264367816092,29.103448275862068,7.793537801064563,1.6609241379310338,656,17,140,6,9,214,92,174,0.093,0.794,0.112,0.5267,2,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,9,1,8,5,1,0,6,0,13,1,0,3,3,33,33,16,2,5,10,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,3,3,5,0,8,7,1,0,1,6,0,30,4,27,26,3,22,0,0,0,0,22,7,0,6,8,105,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22896364450919615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464934030455521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24970845279940174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531718500818964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011494476709745,0.0,0.11544262781777345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094610848572428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871704469836229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828932119951856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548177874587192,0.0,0.1345995729544373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649579974633158,0.0598268574176424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410952419771824,0.0,0.2317456897459673,0.08174175363261968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827082642018436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829807990984413,0.093134927127394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42448524708492497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844981471383898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071414435633372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394932002561374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984272074120038,0.1070338044306076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813557411535053,0.07846622597783151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360905375401656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699074307256502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaybeew,2019/03/30,"No one to tell this to This a throwaway account for obvious reasons. 

I've suffered from depression for 9 years. 

It started when I joined the military. You see when I was 18 and I met a girl. I fell in love with her and I left the military for her. Then she left me. I ended up getting discharged with adjustment disorder and can never join the military again because of it. I always wanted to be a soldier too to have lost that is devastating even to this day.

At the time when she left me I was living in a small apartment we got together in Texas. Needless to say I tried to kill myself with pills. And of course someone found me and they pumped my stomach in the hospital. 

After that I moved to Florida with my parents and I was unemployed for about three years constantly belittled by my step father for not having a job. 

Anyway eventually I got a good job but I was still really lonely and needed something to fill the void. I was always bad at meeting people so I started paying for prostitutes. Because I wanted to feel something, anything.

 I've spent a lot of money on escorts over the years and every time after I feel so empty. But I keep going back to these women because its the only time I'm not alone.

 I hate that everyone has only ever used me for money. No one's ever really liked me for me. And just today I saw a woman and I gave her money and she ran out on me. I don't want to do this anymore but I know I will. 

I've pretty much resigned myself to death. I go to sleep every night hoping I die. I wake up every morning hoping I die in traffic. I put myself in dangerous situations with these women hoping one of them pull a gun on me and put a bullet in my head.

 I feel like I'm one bad day away from ending it all. I have no friends. No one to talk to about this. And theres so much more I want to say but I can't type it all out here. ",1.3419525497682017,3.373981777202076,3.5954131442596133,87.37758658303792,80.96891191709844,6.239323697845651,22.074993182437957,7.3759095455046575,0.8972601036269428,1450,46,298,21,38,498,190,386,0.174,0.7340000000000001,0.093,-0.9818,5,3,2,1,0,1,30.0,1,1,2,1,19,18,3,0,18,0,16,6,4,2,6,52,49,24,4,8,7,2,3,2,1,1,1,2,0,4,15,21,0,1,7,0,6,10,9,10,0,6,14,7,58,8,59,33,6,60,0,5,2,1,25,23,0,4,29,220,73,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954617844169029,0.0,0.0,0.14388279970902734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574479393346593,0.0,0.0,0.0711489695319972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123173796938805,0.06648217552221675,0.14438048279946014,0.15811509917023195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934322246307011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151871286954762,0.0,0.07446761634802805,0.0,0.17946304501046745,0.0,0.09909031127948033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315527025452536,0.0,0.0,0.05710581905843772,0.15641550432422555,0.21853808874086936,0.08261595230288127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114987246839868,0.06176682979935778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479860277198568,0.06679855282300648,0.0,0.04517162683729082,0.0,0.09827408447391113,0.07251829764623385,0.138299447035452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536105787324927,0.08873259990951543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25762198352555976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159583049955102,0.07684935748157995,0.0956548523838988,0.0,0.04751599219125551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818161640584955,0.0,0.0,0.08447968823337453,0.0,0.07634550263026385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438098025007877,0.07350494849621328,0.07803325845489968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189298244416233,0.12711566121387846,0.06410877497484085,0.06668305378168192,0.0,0.0,0.08113657524501942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929366650606223,0.1315130018017643,0.0,0.0,0.0960032694545613,0.0,0.0,0.059940272448317684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879606017731435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383176566238748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077660059471467,0.08889497553563835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751245368791562,0.0,0.0,0.06889719009709706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718432979402447,0.08652214414501888,0.0,0.07325702661059774,0.13312180832677473,0.0,0.0,0.1223932469665458,0.0,0.06904683128362908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949303502439795,0.07556959214494235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124604604519862,0.0,0.08195368990597474,0.0,0.0,0.05870046363894761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467342436462872,0.0,0.0,0.20398469400628133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670316440126975
suicidewatch,sqweezy,2019/03/30,"Do Suicide Hotlines always call the police? Things are getting worse and I really need someone to talk to, but I don't really have anyone. My family has their own problems and I don't want to worry them. I really feel like I might do permanent damage to myself during one of these days and I go in and out of these feelings. I'll randomly get an urge to kill myself and I won't know what to do to get out of it other than just waiting it out. Do all suicide hotlines call the cops? Is there any way to talk to them without them sending someone? The last thing I want is to be trapped in some facility. ",2.7363709677419337,4.241911508064515,4.471806451612904,85.08770967741938,75.04838709677419,7.218064516129032,25.30322580645161,7.908726449838941,1.4325541935483872,473,16,96,7,10,160,74,124,0.236,0.716,0.048,-0.9808,0,1,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,4,0,2,4,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,0,1,23,25,6,3,4,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,2,15,1,20,22,3,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,3,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563900411677804,0.0,0.0,0.11085371845290458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398174826310725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329068611700193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105129224511895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367316228210234,0.0,0.16484748353178771,0.1164557723143856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555010532573241,0.0,0.0926434499153904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803485745694092,0.0,0.08958710663784968,0.13287649920370048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796394065395148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729299223396332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208712981721117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046111862840002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598042447216506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132888951527634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27623899879936403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566172389347543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26204566724650186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659579739640175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229734760534944,0.12939130128714885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713770629835275,0.0,0.0,0.16554655179899816,0.16612310734932892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OsaBee,2019/03/30,"How can people actually be happy? I just don't understand anymore. How do I make myself happy? People always told me that I won't be happy if people around me aren't either, but everyone is enjoying life, being positive as ever and yet I'm lying here trying not to cry, or at least not too loud. 


Yesterday one of my teachers tested me verbally (this teacher is nicest and most talkative we have, she already got emotionally bounded with us and we are just on our first year of secondary school) and I didn't learn anything. She was joking around with the teacher humour, you know. Then she raised her voice and said ""[insert my name] if you won't smile I swear I will give you a lower mark!"".


I know she was joking but it wouldn't be as bad if I actually realized I wasn't smiling. The whole time I thought I had a laid back smile but apparently no, I can't even feel if I put on a fake smile anymore. We had 15 minute long break after that, enough to calm down to not cry. I just feel so broken, so not myself.


Right now I'm lying in a guest room while my family are celebrating my aunt's birthday. I was sitting on a chair in the corner the whole time watching them enjoying themselves and I just couldn't take it anymore. I said I was tired, uncle told me I can rest in a guest room and I'm just lying here, stuck on what to do.


I don't wanna live like this anymore. I just want it all to end. I don't wanna have a purpose in life, I don't wanna be useless in everything I do. I want food to have taste again. I want to do things I did months ago and enjoy them and not feel it all forced. I don't want to feel either numb or sad, I want to feel differently. I want to talk, want to breathe and feel like it's coming out of human living thing, not an empty zombie.


I just want to get the courage to jump off the balcony and end it. I've read 9/10 people won't survive a fall from 6th floor, I live on 7th, what are the chances that I will wake up in hospital again? I just don't want to exist anymore.",2.014642008822534,3.499084498812355,3.7320217170003396,89.73003800475061,76.93349168646081,6.521642348150661,22.004818459450288,7.2259226712905225,0.5854883067526293,1558,42,344,18,35,522,197,421,0.138,0.679,0.183,0.9071,3,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,5,3,2,2,24,18,0,0,16,0,43,8,2,3,3,80,76,28,0,18,25,1,6,2,2,6,4,4,2,1,15,20,2,1,12,3,0,4,22,5,0,2,16,12,59,13,44,48,10,48,0,2,1,0,26,23,0,7,21,240,74,4,0.0,0.0,0.15870067723773926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207959535532152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973157353707642,0.0,0.067659424532088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032061807174292,0.0,0.0,0.06691415991794834,0.1447726772016345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252513499279977,0.06789345494827485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004446167630267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863833076328414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495539955099901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914668493179047,0.14403941917217855,0.08401867962713702,0.0,0.053706862289878345,0.07355280152926741,0.0,0.07769862417589128,0.07307941561855341,0.0,0.07665522018343318,0.0,0.2466875795192593,0.058090448168194364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916530195473983,0.09832472125189096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04248299703884014,0.07800340923306986,0.0,0.0,0.06503390967125852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596795001416498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937565002162877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486839306816934,0.07945142994269534,0.0,0.21540418107054285,0.0719599723555029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054277455748661614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490373536432008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510019605521255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549043239921315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174262145231244,0.0,0.0,0.0813355991277206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944136542522504,0.1546956980176387,0.0,0.0,0.08229369877403217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113770347300796,0.06535678716632592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804227812888027,0.0,0.0,0.06455391122765687,0.09482922173571226,0.0934580151811402,0.0,0.15539724835178256,0.0,0.05520659311063944,0.0,0.0,0.08465031956725044,0.0978102423218018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316477832637636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815674487985488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236328889625038
suicidewatch,NSCloud579,2019/03/30,Anxiety I feel like I'm going to have a major panic attack soon. The things going on in my life are making me feel overwhelmed and I can't take it. The thought if dying usually makes me calm but nothing can slow my heart rate to its normal pace.,2.8614705882352967,4.245117058823531,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,74.49019607843138,6.6686274509803924,22.553921568627448,7.1686216300943375,0.7866039215686276,194,5,39,2,4,65,43,51,0.111,0.799,0.09,-0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,3,0,4,2,1,2,0,9,13,3,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,2,4,12,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923777768225033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860892506586982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609914695070273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543067511136914,0.17965387442506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858382094186333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29799922543437457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776243127263081,0.12285804007302972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357231877760181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463922222505608,0.2412971578795941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950518674328276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907799214381274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670688941094354,0.0,0.0,0.19964315351400247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27696431415302103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PaulSJ,2019/03/30,"I never wanted to die, but i can't live like this  I am 21 and a junior college student. I have this eye condition which means i see a lot of flashes in my central vision and floaters. I have had the floaters for a long time now, but i started seeing flashes much later and since then it's been horrible. All the doctors i've been to told me there is nothing wrong with me and it's just a side effect of myopia. When I described what i saw in detail one doctor just told me to get used to it. There is the option of surgery, but it is risky and poorly researched, so he's probably right. One even called me a hypochondriac. But it's not something you can ignore, i have a hard time reading small text or recognizing people in the distance.

To be honest, i could live with that if i were fine otherwise. But i'm not. I didn't have an easy childhood, my father died when i was 17 which threw me into a vicious circle of self-destructive behaviour and depression. I dug my way out during college and I am proud of myself. It hasn't been easy, I have made many changes in the past year, improving my diet, sleep schedule and academic performance. But it never seems to be enough.

I was isolated as a teenager and never had a gf, my friends were few and far between. Now it is worse. I fell for this girl in my class a year ago and dated her for a short time, but it didn't work out. I still flirt with her when i get the chance, but i lost the hope we'd ever be together. There are other girls I feel attracted to, i just don't have the confidence anymore to ask them out. I don't have anyone i can call a friend now, just acquaintances. People i used to trust became toxic or simply ghosted me. The logical solution is to meet new people in places like clubs or pubs, but these flashes really affect my self-confidence. I didn't try going out alone, except for going to the theater or library.

I know there are people with worse hands than mine, but that doesn't help. This is my life, after all. I have tried to change my life for the better and in part succeeded, but i can't do it alone. Choosing to die leads to eternal darkness, while choosing to live allows hope. Chasing rainbows isn't a valid option though, nor is living in depression. But I don't see any other way through. I want to live and be happy, I have my talents and feel like there is special place in this world. I just can't seem to find it. Tommorow is getting harder, never easier.

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suicidewatch,Forgotold_account,2019/03/30,"Happy with my life now I was depressed earlier now after few months things are looking better. I just want to say to anyone who is feeling terrible, never give up. Take help from people you trust, you'll definitely be fine one day.",3.766363636363636,6.097911090909097,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,74.45454545454545,7.127272727272729,24.63636363636364,8.07648339933343,1.673972727272727,184,6,32,3,4,60,40,44,0.112,0.541,0.34700000000000003,0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,5,4,6,7,1,7,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,6,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527240791686267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722892160128424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985530284275633,0.0,0.2651711155055922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567016324845012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29534044980078866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277372152915428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063612115873959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746025725157767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25853631813499856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24574180263037784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374511314283022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086231466939393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344081747623184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24483347613758602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314826623738173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453756658726496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159184994896402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SwanSongXX,2019/03/30,"Looking for any reason not to I am a 28 year old male who’s been struggling with mental illness since 1999.
I’ve always felt that I’ve had strong support in my life early on..
However in the past few years, more so the past month or two, I’ve felt that I have been completely abandoned by everyone I’ve loved.
My family, friends, doctor/therapist will not take me seriously I can’t cry for help any louder.
All I am seeking is someone to talk to, someone who can listen.. 
but I fear that time is too late, I’ve been completely alone and haven’t seen or talked to another human being in over a month 
And I think that I’ve reached my absolute limit for what a human being can withstand, I fear that I’ve spent one too many days by myself, and not only has my inner self stopped talking me out of taking my own life.. but I keep warming to the idea of not being around anymore. Though selfish.. at least I won’t have to suffer anymore 
    One Last Cry For HELP
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suicidewatch,Demonsdoperoc,2019/03/30,I want to kill myself it’s depressing here’s y I haven’t done it I’m 13 years old and I’ve thought about suicide a lot i know what people feel when they think about this shit you don’t have to take my advice but be happy people care about you don’t kill your self over something you did wrong don’t put your self through that pain don’t think of how your gonna do it or when you’re gonna do it because you have people here for you. If you are gonna kill your self think about who will miss you think about the people you won’t be able to meet or date if u do it think about everything that’s waiting for you think about your future girlfriend or future kids or grandchildren don’t kys plz I love you and many other ppl do too,2.9459147727272708,3.516279443750001,3.4314772727272747,96.36761363636367,73.3125,6.5681818181818175,20.795454545454547,6.11248444174946,-0.1716875,581,10,142,3,11,181,84,160,0.193,0.705,0.102,-0.9507,0,0,1,0,0,2,1.0,0,15,1,0,13,11,4,0,2,0,19,3,1,1,0,22,38,12,4,3,7,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,11,2,0,1,9,0,0,1,7,8,0,0,3,1,22,3,15,28,1,9,0,2,0,1,24,1,1,7,7,85,33,0,0.1262481346447261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336821603382485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695969108660446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871838726740384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873733337629872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919567415768068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346368289196468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383485020838398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343934869038356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419024567301223,0.0,0.0693826731267863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733164939892777,0.11394387057313132,0.0,0.0,0.12799579310147913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247618008751588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433691641731232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35009824176017085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691424528671785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951130143885884,0.0,0.12959189597836734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719198197531373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380949683999137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492288547861896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4853682420245409,0.0,0.10022691685442743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446442078983859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803251646980608,0.0,0.08129965950351828
suicidewatch,pepsifucker,2019/03/30,"I haven't eaten near anything today and I'm so proud I'm so proud In a fucked up way. I want to feel lighter and I want to feel my head hurt. I've had such a bad time recently and such a bad time in living.

Today was another bad day. But a plain shitty day.  I don't know what I can do. I don't really want to do anything. I just want to put something in writing and have someone see this who won't be able to send me to a hospital or a psychologist. I don't want help for the moment. I just want to survive till I'm eighteen and cam leave this shitty life behind ",-0.8945238095238109,1.0697173253968266,1.9209206349206376,96.25185714285715,90.03174603174602,4.947301587301588,17.923809523809524,6.42735559955562,-0.21837714285714285,437,12,106,5,15,152,68,126,0.225,0.654,0.121,-0.9548,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,0,7,0,12,4,1,0,0,19,27,10,0,6,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,3,11,2,15,22,0,17,0,1,1,1,4,5,1,1,9,62,15,0,0.15353072348026586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099035015944255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526854075176383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38457522337025385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802923072983766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552594937474112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419366798963871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756681590554916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029084076600674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643578148835757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437647044946094,0.0,0.0,0.1625668680791633,0.0,0.0,0.1084432904370257,0.0,0.0,0.13557044164632204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434078256803524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835571284031627,0.0,0.1515930673522729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223441089239938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008608377880004,0.11819545176760538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904999904543098,0.0,0.2910583479659861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433383913152551,0.12186554203169052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JimboThots,2019/03/30,Idk why I'm still around I feel empty like my purpose in life is already gone. So why stall.,-1.974,-0.5507963999999976,-0.06999999999999673,104.47000000000004,113.0,2.0,15.0,3.1291,-1.5215,72,2,17,0,4,23,18,20,0.242,0.643,0.115,-0.197,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201609298936928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389432519597161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251581637391268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26893104034876997,0.18601248908397391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040629817418067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6871252272793659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tommd420,2019/03/30,"I need to vent 3 years ago I ruined my life by getting kicked out of the navy by doing coke.  
When I was in the military I was confident, proud, and all around happy. Ever since I came home and have been living in my mother’s basement the emptiness has been slowly eating me day by day. I can’t escape the feelings of failure all around me as I drive around the deadbeat town and smoke weed and drink and think to myself “this is all you’re good enough for”. My mother and I had a falling out over a large sum of money recently and that’s when things really started getting bad. I can’t hold a job, I can feel myself becoming more toxic and mean and awful to my amazing girlfriend and my friends. I can’t take it anymore. I want to end the pain so fucking bad. 
It’s been three years and no matter what I do I can’t find that feeling of accomplishment in my life that the navy gave me. Everything feels empty. It doesn’t FEEL at all.

If you took the time to read thank you. I know it was a sloppy mess",2.3626569096538157,3.8209164449760813,3.6582943990993537,90.73159020546021,75.9377990430622,6.257359977483818,22.341964537010973,6.794906146795322,0.4720597241767517,783,21,170,7,17,256,121,209,0.14400000000000002,0.728,0.128,-0.6517,1,0,2,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,2,7,12,1,0,12,1,18,7,0,0,5,36,37,16,0,3,1,2,5,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,10,17,3,1,9,2,1,4,6,6,0,1,10,5,28,6,24,27,6,27,0,1,0,1,7,11,1,1,12,116,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495287982587384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397948287469538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37645389476601004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539207386765235,0.0,0.15567967500572796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612211327922317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818155791449689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380875170842631,0.0,0.14423766879351696,0.0,0.0,0.1248490654344463,0.14564976297141718,0.0,0.0,0.1275067420264641,0.0,0.0,0.12668610849597434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356369040436652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883524187506085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890564690939107,0.13031560826735752,0.14729197070180935,0.0,0.0,0.11823088651122385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005495528699575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139476342050664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988143558307348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746814338690265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912898295396067,0.0,0.0,0.12447060604145113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535471876249016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452034237482732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499917923910744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140998534928945,0.0,0.09030283471976308,0.0,0.13918137859464466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660389046312103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977248888573008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598466982554547,0.0,0.0,0.12977738760779658,0.0,0.0,0.09364781897429808,0.09032172556947723,0.0,0.0,0.08219513642600375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661217883518674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831420896169364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154773795515303
suicidewatch,usuallycats,2019/03/30,"I don't exist I won't kill myself, but I put myself situations where I'm fine if I die or hurt myself.

​

I'm not real and I don't feel anything. Is it suicidal if I just want to feel something?",0.8369999999999997,2.344689088888892,4.0063888888888926,86.37625000000004,80.33333333333333,6.277777777777778,22.36111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.7637777777777774,159,5,35,2,4,58,30,45,0.365,0.562,0.073,-0.9556,0,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,9,5,3,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,1,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799397577475558,0.3139433112697809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126134352025856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26814340912156176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612755096366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765864476946372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858440100104436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259729473862512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29407739159525137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904145252037147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890298591047795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28261077710024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239112669762342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139433112697809,0.0
suicidewatch,Shaynuhduh,2019/03/30,"I wish the pain would just stop Everyday is just a never ending battle, I never want to wake up in the morning. Everyday i get up and I’m just upset because I wish I’d just die in my sleep. 
I can’t even begin to write out all the things I’ve been through or done what’s been done to me that has made me feel this way, I love my husband and my kids I just feel like they’d be better off without me, I know my family would be devastated but I feel like some people in this world just don’t want to genuinely live anymore and it shouldn’t be thought of as “selfish”... I have a lot to be grateful for and I understand that but things that happened in my life have made me exhausted and trying to put away these things that have hurt me and finding forgiveness for others as well as myself just seems irrelevant and impossible. I do really well at work I’m moving up in the company and it’s like everything I’ve wanted has fell into my lap and when I talk about this with my husband he just wants me to seek out help, when I have I’ve been on different medications, therapy, I smoke weed and it helps but it doesn’t change my true desire to just not be here. 
A year ago my husband had told me cheated on me years ago and when I found that out it just destroyed me cause it feels like I’ll never have genuine love in my life where nobody will hurt me and that’s all I’ve ever wanted, then we started to get a divorce cause after months I just couldn’t move on then I jumped into a ridiculous relationship cause it brought me temporary happiness which Fucked me up more and I ended up getting back with my husband cause I do love him I just wish none of it ever happened and there’s no way for me to change it, it just completely ruined my ability to feel loved fully and trust anyone, cause it doesn’t matter how much someone says they loves you it won’t stop them from hurting you and what I’ve imagined in my life is being with the guy I’ve been with for 13 years and raising my family and I don’t want anything or anybody else but everything feels ruined it wasn’t what I wanted in my life and I fully understand that life hits you with hurdles and you have to find a way to move past but how do you possibly put that pain away forever? I feel like this is going to be my life, just constantly dwelling in the pain. And then on top of the pain I put my husband through jumping into a relationship for that short period of time, I just wanted happiness and help and it didn’t make anything better just made me feel like a bad person. 
I really don’t want to rely on medication to numb my mind, I already put on probably the best show you’ve ever seen when it comes to being happy cause the majority of people in my life see me as this happy go lucky bring everyone else joy kind of person.. It’s so exhausting but who wants to act depressed all the time and bring everyone down... nobody. But I do it to my husband and kids cause I go to work 8 hours a day and I have no more fake happiness to give. On top of my life feeling like it’s fallen apart, I found out recently that I have lupus and I physically feel bad all the time and I got medication for that and it helps, But I’m also just kind of like well I’m 25 I could probably just stop taking the medication I need and stop medical treatment all together and die eventually of lupus so it doesn’t hurt my family if I kill myself. But I also think if I don’t die from this disease that when my kids are grown and out of the house I’ll just go hang myself somewhere. ",3.9115942834899617,4.50978014441417,5.186918200522715,84.55523744647725,71.12534059945506,8.553144636601235,26.28749374409164,8.724045039944539,1.6711408886170265,2782,83,598,47,49,929,267,734,0.159,0.662,0.179,0.9373,1,0,1,0,1,4,33.0,1,5,3,7,42,57,6,2,22,0,51,28,2,13,12,158,119,63,4,22,34,6,10,8,0,5,20,1,0,6,48,47,0,4,22,1,0,22,21,26,3,0,19,13,92,31,88,83,13,107,0,7,2,6,42,41,1,8,49,407,140,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699340287475577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792437553144392,0.06945943305625016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306935376167684,0.030366182660491424,0.0,0.07147582956302033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160491847456451,0.03339379809617445,0.07252188505808088,0.02647358060599193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557547994122517,0.07681787136530005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122908742443889,0.09188308537927696,0.037409765068768586,0.04553390455192922,0.0469307272285547,0.0,0.034674084272046365,0.0,0.0,0.028007758111544063,0.0,0.037404861160092666,0.0,0.13521562682921345,0.0453734879598835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888476669974987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255779629001903,0.0,0.0769294345750694,0.0,0.0,0.028684082263777205,0.1178505606085872,0.0,0.0829954919210985,0.07806138284814328,0.0,0.12282143554515215,0.0,0.2195872967527053,0.1861517641826788,0.0,0.0,0.07938563477669569,0.0,0.0,0.09523410977155032,0.0,0.04014890309923014,0.06806871952209821,0.04166052738698399,0.09872555791774597,0.0,0.034733699482887084,0.0,0.0,0.043000994244003374,0.07680727148686321,0.23115196788311265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643670093611333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276827618269819,0.050110601571739015,0.1859642197683913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804714650710906,0.0904480974122117,0.023867140885663985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453983938582258,0.16973557979614132,0.0,0.03834811782797355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03692131597486572,0.1959793626758433,0.12327915101227005,0.02898882823129572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874797709697966,0.0,0.0,0.04385035539178395,0.0,0.03466417521038912,0.13847271143391765,0.03192490838404826,0.03220164609365861,0.1004840959368584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484373494337686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041457370455880604,0.06021563946263798,0.07584009649838908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048959053192551116,0.0,0.0,0.09364643071908528,0.0,0.0,0.1746303528617658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564275544509308,0.0,0.04288035605795789,0.09325180733550133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034536047279539135,0.0,0.0,0.034606852700350604,0.039535630679134084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043459814449984834,0.0,0.03679678555258583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03073888110182413,0.0,0.0,0.14523251833959042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032652790371048686,0.03490614382677089,0.0,0.0,0.04966421847931315,0.0,0.08655579925022236,0.027827197799701685,0.0,0.03447733904297829,0.07597043696005784,0.0,0.0,0.04149774596054925,0.0,0.029485067471292124,0.0,0.0,0.0904210980346043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561522555801193,0.10341444878949946,0.0,0.0,0.11714217883268857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982172597199753,0.04186347696029235,0.0,0.06323285903239703,0.0,0.0,0.06170065105226805,0.0,0.0,0.08389949564704201
suicidewatch,Snokemain,2019/03/30,Its about time I've lost everything I've ever loved and I don't think I'll ever get the feeling of being loved no one understands my BPD and I'll never find someone to accept me for it I've tried everything to not feel this way I'm sorry for any online friends that will miss me obligatory this is a throwaway mention.,2.2903482587064694,4.191403134328361,3.91126865671642,86.90978855721393,77.3582089552239,6.854726368159205,24.59950248756219,7.793537801064563,1.3516189054726369,258,9,52,4,6,86,50,67,0.104,0.6859999999999999,0.21,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,3,12,14,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,2,4,4,6,11,0,5,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604757304254168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704890149203902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885344985014725,0.0,0.0,0.3860338900461475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718328647871465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629133054334236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592691583766014,0.0,0.11220585488342917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23444138091023156,0.0,0.387667617365659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564001741098364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553033056889225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196969807327024,0.0,0.0,0.2404118483186025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761274811900093,0.0,0.0,0.12523120582874442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458113458783898,0.0,0.0,0.2235779520101892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047047035984425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway56326,2019/03/30,"I guess I finally had my first attempt Wednesday was just one straw too many and I actually made an attempt even though now it feels like a silly one. I tried to drink as much water as I could as quick as I could. I had a little more than 3 liters in about 2 hours which obviously wasn’t enough, all I got was a massive headache and some pretty sever nausea.

It’s very surreal in a way. At the time I really hoped it would work. But now it doesn’t feel like a real attempt. I thought if I ever did actually try something and I failed I’d feel relieved, like you always hear of survivors immediately regretting jumping or pulling the trigger or whatever it is. But I don’t, I just wished it had worked.

I’ve done some more research about water intoxication and refined my plan some more. I really think I’m going to try again on tuesday(the next time I have a day off alone). I don’t feel scared about it anymore, just a little bit more pain and then I won’t have to worry about anything ever again.

I’m just so tired of fighting and want it all to stop. ",3.0433578431372545,4.491660912037041,4.3884422657952085,86.23019607843138,74.1388888888889,7.119389978213508,25.66884531590414,7.724431198458867,1.2668309368191721,831,28,175,11,17,275,125,216,0.116,0.7929999999999999,0.091,-0.8042,0,1,2,0,2,0,18.0,0,1,0,8,19,11,1,1,10,0,18,6,0,2,5,41,34,18,0,8,9,0,4,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,6,3,1,6,1,0,3,5,5,0,3,11,5,21,6,20,19,12,28,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,8,20,119,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.2377664282514589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617352180545552,0.0,0.0,0.10136780755159977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081724553006215,0.0,0.0,0.1002512470649628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300088622057266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453402417908905,0.0,0.0,0.07856677412048695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246688392594525,0.0,0.11934170674084825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587735420575427,0.0,0.08046398441090392,0.2203946096752207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463926669887541,0.17406300485772064,0.0,0.1334528697920517,0.0,0.10362392329351353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923571477902002,0.0,0.0974342434254342,0.0,0.13420350661898686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730515265872031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099929340589045,0.11997266903642953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785520047464556,0.2442004620184827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152733607211288,0.0,0.12351100034958712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895550816969149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956182012357964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510297296812776,0.0,0.12962993961392452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393939193141093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866303986361084,0.1560878875447812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219676544363865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762709646297872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937865114848944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185080164121553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806027013044435,0.11969202874815732,0.09671510651002928,0.1420737815263977,0.14001943059009267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24813267381684925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051803484831967,0.07185529211037228,0.09669867906457416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009225177186074,0.0,0.0,0.1773794865267438,0.12371877184489025,0.0,0.0865406844597188,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Clamboiii,2019/03/30,"It’s over She’s done with me.  She just wants to be friends, but I know even that won’t last.  When I was with her, all these thoughts went away.  I didn’t think about jumping in front of a train or shooting myself fucking ONCE.  But the moment she’s gone, it’s all back.  I want to take a handful of pills and go to sleep.  I work a dead end job I’m about to be fired from.  The only person I thought loved me wants to stop loving me.  And I feel like I’m done.  I cried and begged for her to take me back.  But now I’m done. I don’t know what to do.  I have work on Monday, and I’ll probably be fired in a week or two. There’s no point in anything",-0.8203196347031962,0.8126075616438406,1.056684931506851,104.8227899543379,86.39726027397259,4.167305936073059,15.897716894977169,4.604124745555138,-1.3167647488584475,488,9,134,1,15,159,85,146,0.16399999999999998,0.721,0.115,-0.8519,1,0,0,1,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,9,5,1,0,6,0,12,6,2,0,2,24,32,10,1,3,6,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,6,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,9,4,20,4,21,19,2,22,0,0,0,3,9,7,1,2,11,84,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433517920801318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195515078064572,0.2323596044205806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596658238038806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638562489183167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338219520184635,0.0,0.0,0.09979430894298602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639624768392009,0.10793957948695564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673268201515308,0.1396813745952134,0.0,0.0,0.08586860768989812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993469671345375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607153816020895,0.1231594893297917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381552568523092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27273140392600737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090719097990994,0.0,0.11491166179049453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192700311321515,0.0,0.0,0.14283001572193396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290186230552428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512003106790532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631900395547496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272035493535009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681313659275943,0.0,0.2398990626471572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759414254440406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26735250332989724,0.0,0.1211962424877028,0.0,0.0,0.1400630509502505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21999237805826724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JuicyBoySnakeEater,2019/03/30,"Help me survive on this ""toxic"" world filled with top of the natural selection human beings I can't stand big toxic top of the natural selection groups. I can't follow celebrities online that much, I can't partake in e-world, big streamers gaming worlds are just social media freaks flaunting their bodies and making everything feel so good and big (even tho it's fake). Hollywood, fake boobs, rich people, toxic people all forms of people being able to live their life and handle toxic groups I just can't. I can't partake in anything real because  I as a inferior fatherless freak of a human being can't stand it, survive there so I have to avoid it. I can't partake in community due to my inferiority so I have to avoid all of it and just the accidental view of something dominant as cool, good looking people who are capable of accessing this world makes me wanna crawl under my bead. And everytime I am missing something from my life something that can only be accessed by partaking in this world or similar ""toxic"" world I will have suicidal thoughts so bad that if I see therapist I will get hospitalized.

As a kid - in orphanages adults there used to help me cope since they saw me as the person I truly was. They wanted to help me avoid these situations, offer me as little information as possible. Keep me in the dark. Help me by forming connection with me through sensitivity and sympathy. 

My last therapist told me to commit suicide. I obviously was triggered by this and ended up acting reckless so they had to detain me and hospitalize me for 4 days.

The way my gene pool has survived from the start was basically coping through religion and being really attractive. I am like super model. 6,4 feet and really really cute for a boy. That's part of why I never learned to do anything, be anything or adapt into life. People give you things automatically and spoil you when you are attractive. I have always deep down know that I can't survive - deep down I knew that I would never be enough. So I declined the automatic script I received everywhere. Where the big boobs but nice girl. Really nice girl not party freak would kinda like automatically with her confidence would choose me and then be with me. I couldn't be in that situation since I knew I would never be enough, I  avoided it. I avoided it since I knew that if I did that I would receive glimpse of the ""toxic"" real world, even if she was really nice. I have also feared that I receive same end as my mother who when I was 3 was beaten to death by other girls in a locker room when she was 24. And yes I do live in western society - it started out as bullying, and when she was dropped to floor one of the kicks accidentally crushed something vital in her neck and even tho the bullies called 911 immediately it was already done deal, she passed away.


My father on the other hand was 6,4 feet aswell (according to my grandma) knew that he was not capable of guiding child into the world but my fathers parents are very traditional, extreme right wing type people. Who believe life's goal is to have children and be married. So my father couldn't do the sensible thing and just leave, abandon me. But he also couldn't help me since he knew only reason he was born is because traditional values and being inferior human to stronger more capable beings. He hanged himself when my mother was 6 months pregnant.


Throughout my life I have yet to receive the bullying, the toxicity that my parents received due to me avoiding EVERYTHING in life. I have only been hit by sock with batteries one time in my life but other than that I have yet to receive anything real. Yet to receive anything my mother received during her short life. But is this really worth living? Is it really worth breathing if you don't live your life? Is it really worth to listen to your survival instinct if the only thing it leads you to is very unhappy, very boring very life that has nothing in it. What is the point of breathing if you can't live?


My goal is to try and make it in this world. Access into something real. Access into something real. I don't care if life handed me very good easy script with big boobs that other people are jealous of - I just wanna see if I can have sex with even ugly girl just as long as she is ""cool"", ""toxic"" and really fucking unbearable as dominant individual. It hurts so much, receiving so much shit. It hurts. But if I don't access anything from that world I always will feel like shit, I always have to avoid most threatening situations which for me are what other people call easy daily things.


I have given myself ultimatum - if I don't get into popular, top of the natural selection ""toxic"" group where I manage belong and make waves without being stabbed, bullied or anything like that by the end of 2010 July I will follow up on that therapists advice. 


Is there any tips? Any tips where I should start? I have been studying Hawk from Cobra Kai a lot and I definitely need to do something like that. If I dress like vanilla, behave like vanilla and don't smoke or do cocaine I will never be able to accepted into the cool world. I just need to find a way to access this world.

Lately I have been theorized that life's meaning is coping. Everyone has their own insecurities and maybe life's goal is to avoid things that make us feel like this and just do what the script tells us what to do. But whenever I am around big boobs girl who is nice I just don't feel anything. I will always feel inferior if I don't access this pure world even tho deep down I know that maybe these cool toxic people have their own insecurities at other parts of their lives that they have to avoid. I mean look at education system, basic 1st tier one. The goal is not to teach you complicated things, the goal is to introduce you to things - find out what you enjoy where your ""talents"" are and because the way life works you are more likely to enjoy doing things you are naturally gifted at. That's just guiding you through life. So I deep down know that I should be with that big boobs girl that is nice and sympathetic. But I just can't. I will always feel inferior, I will always feel bad. And it's very very very hard to avoid ALL the things ""toxic"" since everything is toxic. Supermarket, teen groups, drinking. I have to be able to access this world otherwise I won't be able to live. Maybe if I find access to this world, just once I can put it behind me and then accept myself as inferior human being that and be the person I am. But if I don't access it I just have hard time getting out of bed. I just can't do it.",5.208867221106967,6.407161135646689,6.063772583882997,77.25251720676802,68.5583596214511,8.72893604817895,28.368081445368514,9.033387906413283,2.3163293375394334,5232,177,955,94,88,1723,410,1268,0.119,0.747,0.134,0.9102,2,10,10,0,0,2,124.0,2,15,9,17,50,70,5,13,35,5,140,33,15,9,10,174,189,91,3,29,45,8,11,9,0,16,15,1,2,17,85,48,1,12,27,3,4,17,31,36,0,3,28,22,147,34,135,121,19,130,0,10,6,7,98,76,8,21,39,679,232,12,0.1458300343805015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562585545580844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04023176730810201,0.05831011290357339,0.18201340620759213,0.0,0.0,0.049584712051850416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001138554189544,0.032454912090338524,0.0,0.0,0.03425302943291577,0.0,0.06088099369155665,0.06667247655968317,0.0,0.0,0.04107512764009125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040496073292194436,0.0,0.0,0.07445438493889435,0.0,0.03717085977830792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02351207698942129,0.03758609051774388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03730868906943825,0.0,0.03571447890474201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687159436028647,0.07534070417022755,0.0,0.12039920294063886,0.0,0.0,0.03483671181484972,0.09829697379472176,0.0,0.0,0.04102483296023923,0.12903808239883116,0.052090502849824465,0.0,0.0,0.09996450711746284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03370437922772649,0.057142630538330685,0.03497336428862284,0.0,0.09173648548443487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531753343351404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218349760006868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805703396641886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03240510876068178,0.0,0.0,0.06010827983298653,0.02971773542388006,0.0411256576726011,0.03860323755356049,0.0,0.0,0.3862652474603609,0.16030167443718993,0.03654000134347904,0.2253485361541149,0.03226374785579595,0.06123025032347226,0.0,0.0,0.030994870074730688,0.0,0.0,0.12167835042219992,0.0,0.10987940281804576,0.0794258294899412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02910003553570841,0.0,0.08040139101636032,0.054065561343742866,0.11247311265069382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034981962761467006,0.0,0.0,0.038826056809444814,0.07411365405538625,0.11091031249939594,0.0,0.0,0.08096349767925577,0.07895985810048745,0.0,0.22747541428285595,0.06366658054720534,0.0,0.0,0.034464129730573,0.041100363099678766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036649865769542704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748313172821686,0.21020052198508504,0.037484390825271004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031134513139794408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810382836153018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484621732884014,0.15079013925693135,0.12293930151195526,0.0,0.0371638388104124,0.0,0.19646739888470927,0.0,0.0,0.07741443668819002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975719421995811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031865469441877695,0.0,0.0,0.1269899323235101,0.21798673864724336,0.0,0.0,0.028943189481301763,0.0425173328906708,0.0,0.0,0.03483671181484972,0.0,0.02475225520237409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770778789059919,0.03148758190526632,0.0,0.24065010184123126,0.021503583150881668,0.08681482009640325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03289723090438773,0.0,0.0,0.03514373729647274,0.0,0.026541500464083,0.0,0.0,0.12949184044477302,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dicko-,2019/03/30,"help I’m 15 and struggling. I have recently broken up with my girlfriend that I have known since kindy and my entire friend group has left me. This girl let’s call her Emily, we had such a good relationship but I was never happy. I constantly cut myself I was stuck in a pit of depression. I started cutting my wrists but to many people saw I had to hide it. I began cutting my legs where no one would see, the only person I would confide in was Emily. She helped me but it wasn’t enough, I couldn’t get out of this whole. Emily eventually got tired of me asking for help and broke up with me but not only did she destroy our relationship she took my entire group that I’ve known for years, my only friends. I have began to cut my wrists again but this time with suicidal intentions rather then the pain being an escape. I have no one and I want to die. I have tried to kill my self 3 times and each time unfortunately I have failed. Someone help me",2.8311463730569955,4.504129766839379,3.9713698186528497,88.07446405440416,75.1658031088083,6.690284974093263,21.38892487046632,7.413659706084162,0.5937670984455954,747,18,157,9,16,243,111,193,0.294,0.6,0.107,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,2,0,0,1,4,15,6,1,5,0,19,5,3,1,1,26,31,11,3,5,7,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,3,7,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,11,0,2,13,2,35,4,18,13,3,20,0,3,2,0,22,7,0,0,12,108,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675899220520506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845325493266944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652536693844215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678406303129535,0.0,0.1407217297136275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401014289467079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951406224211386,0.0,0.07084053947876925,0.0,0.0,0.1137270381216422,0.10844426162573964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443388113193708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363534326810624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001100958895272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731968194439068,0.1386506675707201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374676783508647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457589940255176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375952197386575,0.30936849019188745,0.14427805452997094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400151232184184,0.1183925609543079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387944907063878,0.29114731636192537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080482253302524,0.0,0.14145066140610882,0.0,0.0,0.11216202032429376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488555203907605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597178860636706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417488295895435,0.0,0.14831420813042945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371920660388428,0.1558415525155645,0.0,0.0,0.15064624615676805,0.09205717843228174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997490228139913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513821637032058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926394724664226,0.0,0.0,0.08731595915659295
suicidewatch,avaflies,2019/03/30,DAE want to fake their death before they do it for real? There's like a .1% chance it would actually work and I would be happy but I want to do it anyway.,-0.6950000000000003,1.297818029411765,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,89.29411764705883,4.576470588235295,11.441176470588234,5.985473137389443,-1.2923294117647062,119,1,29,1,4,41,27,34,0.126,0.644,0.23,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.33905384014322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29564804632169145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698590884507408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974289521516234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395465722368239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40986127274231865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529423371996,0.0,0.0,0.4936264822661783,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MiniCheesestring,2019/03/30,"bye guys. tonight i think i'm finally going to pass. i can't live in a world where my own mum doesn't care about me. thanks to anyone who supported me throughout the last teenage years. sorry i didn't get you a 19th bday present archie, lol. you're going places, man. keep the dream on fire and you'll make it. :)",-0.21073504273504184,2.084092507692308,0.6605128205128211,103.19059829059832,93.15384615384615,4.11965811965812,16.45299145299145,5.82211442006289,-0.7926752136752135,243,6,58,2,9,74,53,65,0.095,0.7090000000000001,0.196,0.7699,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,14,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,8,3,5,12,1,13,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920271210628957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800027709834981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008428632263977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348242133260306,0.0,0.31215620472010497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27192608369116905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441030501077522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385945107723484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425026137469495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331712255307972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28692906062422363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074249035367749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116459599947707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25284166841495953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759713013804938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685219978486094
suicidewatch,jraceing5,2019/03/30,"I am oding on adderall my step dad is going to take me to the hospital my bpm is 136 rn I took 5 pills of adderall for a total of 150mg I should only my take 30mg i am shaking my chest hurts I might puke soon I will be posting updates here when I get it the hospital my bpm has been rising slowly i took them about 6-7 hours ago I am still in bed we will head there in about 10 mins I am scared pls pray for me I don't want to die I made a big mistake by taking them

It's a discord link because it was the quickest way to get the photo uploaded
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suicidewatch,mypointlessexistence,2019/03/30,"I've run out of fight I'm about to snap and I can't stop myself. I'm a 35 year old worthless human being that has no family (they are all dead), I have very few friends, most of whom live over a thousand miles away. I have a partner I've been with for 10 years but she doesn't seem to understand how bad I've gotten and really isn't able to help as my mental health issues have taken a toll on her. I'm stuck in a dead end job, no one else wants to hire me. We have no car and the public transportation here is abysmal and prevents me from applying to a bunch of jobs. The apartment we live in is literally collapsing and we have no money to move or anywhere to go because we also have too many cats because I'm a crazy person and rescued them off the streets. Her family does not like me and is also over a thousand miles away. 

In just a few days I will be one year sober. Sobriety was supposed to make things better, it's only made me worse. In my life I've beaten obesity, I've managed to quit drinking, to quit smoking, and am finally 100% sober and it's done nothing but cause me more pain. I have no skills, no talent, no one to ask for help. I have no money, so future, and no hope. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be fired from my dead end job soon, simply because I've been standing up for myself and not letting my boss walk all over me. He's literally looked me in the eyes and said I'm a hard worker but won't give me a raise, even though I've been here for over 2 years and am never late and never call in. I have no power in anything. I am just a worthless cog that is tired of dead end retail or food service jobs and I've reached the end of my rope. 

I'm falling apart faster and faster every day. I am out of hope and see no out. I just wanted to be happy. The apartment that's collapsing is the place I've lived the longest in my miserable existence and is the closest to feeling like a ""home"" as I've ever known so I guess it's fitting that it's a death trap now. 

I know that there isn't anything in this universe that's fair, but fuck man, it'd be nice to not be in constant pain and to have something actually go my way for once instead of constantly being a failure. My father never wanted me, my mother died from cancer when I was a teenager, I've been fighting for so long to have some happiness or security but every time I get closer to it, it all falls apart. I'm tired of trying and I've run out of options. I know that I'm going to snap soon and hurt myself, I can feel the pressure of my rage and sadness and fear festering inside my head, like a geyser waiting to erupt. I don't want to, but every time my apartment sways, or my boss treats me like shit, or I get another rejection from an application, it adds a little fuel to the building fire inside my head. 

I wish it could be different, I wish I had a say. That's just not the universe I live in, I just suffer more every day. I don't want to hurt my partner, but I don't see another way. As long as I'm alive I make her life worse. At least she'd get pity and help and maybe have a future, but I'm just a massive anchor dragging her down. 

I don't see a way out this time. I don't see a light. I just see the inevitable of my own demise.",3.845324675324676,3.6600343766233765,5.233167388167388,86.93165584415588,71.03463203463204,8.043001443001442,26.88961038961039,7.536579438409214,1.2350554112554109,2505,72,571,25,42,845,285,693,0.267,0.6509999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9993,6,0,2,0,3,2,66.0,4,0,2,7,26,35,6,3,37,0,56,16,4,7,8,99,108,50,6,10,24,2,5,4,3,2,9,2,1,5,21,36,3,4,7,1,3,12,28,20,0,5,13,15,70,15,77,81,12,90,0,9,7,1,33,40,2,12,38,357,91,11,0.06361316858495558,0.0,0.06207727622902901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174285586916837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340790759134274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469643510436412,0.0,0.05946972548039279,0.0,0.11953333180604975,0.0,0.053114338644610994,0.11633399139991453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626067814408084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495615750386655,0.0,0.0,0.06534824719050142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748647249634985,0.0,0.05078993886444867,0.0,0.0,0.12307569345348746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602042576709459,0.0664622217985189,0.0,0.0,0.05566831251027291,0.06509835748280382,0.0,0.062316687427043875,0.0,0.0,0.05314063968922368,0.0,0.22536954391002206,0.0,0.0,0.04201589790028162,0.05754175290772471,0.21438735258515584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199376678297484,0.07158250017167324,0.06432945879681479,0.04544526034760435,0.0,0.06968511679770335,0.0,0.0,0.07692129595833179,0.0,0.04914737624944926,0.05880934930784914,0.09970576514679036,0.0610235478014177,0.1446113186915023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007707700836903,0.0,0.0,0.13543480168149713,0.056984904152435165,0.0,0.13057092673549098,0.06761782351993753,0.0,0.0,0.12791569798335456,0.0,0.06380919479144352,0.12636445970128166,0.0,0.0,0.13619842529808313,0.0,0.0,0.06639562078263535,0.2525050165905249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699202676524219,0.0,0.07175842495842248,0.0,0.0,0.0650487748021504,0.08986372447290017,0.12431272378139994,0.0637571067011427,0.22468637323116286,0.11259130481602175,0.05341904022545944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060192318217154414,0.08492456798961456,0.0644937684635297,0.06390797803458216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410711195670618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676107309515214,0.0,0.0,0.14718719172049916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610385509139091,0.0,0.06675131954316066,0.06774594843374765,0.12931778806472635,0.048380681228019584,0.13537779287251528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554456513408797,0.0664622217985189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471746179782112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532087017959188,0.0,0.0,0.040752224703798336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051069059332146,0.05058774490438708,0.0,0.0,0.2534572966875434,0.057911039536218276,0.0,0.0,0.0652980034066609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048972525034926315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318345734615696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059954658560393725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226176258701657,0.0,0.062499615153020674,0.0,0.11128005049631468,0.14622795882654982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043189165791131384,0.0,0.0,0.06622355193582215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524875261925462,0.1876034749588656,0.15147951682039773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630400893419854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965450682620566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385917971621575
suicidewatch,Critical_Trinket,2019/03/30,"Overwhelming Life is fucking overwhelming. All the shit that happens in the world, in my personal life, the struggle to get a job, doing a job you don't like to survive, lack of friends, being a burden to friends, comparing to others who succeed, whalowing in my own misery, the future is bleak. Why keep breaking my ass if there's no tommorow? I'm very tired, I'm so fucking tired of everything. Suicidal fantasies come back when shit gets like this.

Sometimes I wonder why the universe didn't give my able body to someone who could cope with the world. I never fucking asked to be born. I never wanted to deal with all this shit. It's so hard when your own mind keeps assaulting you non stop. Therapy kinda helps but not really. I'm scared of medication. 

A big part of me doesn't want to fight anymore. I don't want to keep seeing the suffering of the world. I'm a coward and I am weak. Maybe someday I'll fucking gather the courage to do it. Once I did put a revolver in my head but it was unloaded. I just wanted the feeling of relief of actually doing it. I'm afraid of death. Of those last moments when you regret what you did or maybe not but die sad anyway. I feel like there's no future. Only misery and fog. Why do we deserve to live? I don't know",2.023201581027664,4.237183304347827,3.4682624505928885,88.22169802371542,79.59288537549408,6.103335968379446,24.34924901185771,7.24861992348623,1.1106608379446636,988,36,197,13,25,324,139,253,0.213,0.648,0.138,-0.9477,2,0,0,1,1,0,31.0,1,5,0,2,10,27,9,5,16,0,18,16,6,0,4,35,45,12,3,8,8,0,3,3,2,0,6,0,0,1,12,6,0,4,4,1,0,2,11,19,0,0,4,4,21,8,26,38,6,23,0,5,1,5,17,8,8,4,15,122,33,3,0.0998685954086014,0.0,0.09745734290071313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099042811153224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336365543763438,0.0,0.0,0.07679278534871446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110931495735723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860279519747377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973694705219919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296013665095934,0.0,0.0,0.10364783481634167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975545398904497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099312510826214,0.07134614451459373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431645815584652,0.36930762877658013,0.10435443835345297,0.0958030568409468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831346909872492,0.0,0.0894626452948516,0.0,0.10249399097969797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693981436274342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820834193193435,0.2663033888518342,0.0,0.0,0.05488516824716285,0.08140623454187883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108028480468698,0.1463722534771122,0.0,0.08818579942328099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20066285467902,0.0,0.0,0.10060710316505296,0.0,0.0,0.10083881202635266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404963496545754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635679475180228,0.0,0.07595456705950497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814795670393834,0.0,0.0,0.08720140539949198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039552227678557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397837950028737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998588622134183,0.0,0.07958234051001972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075410341099509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461833680386636,0.0,0.09877259449247912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349461758127368,0.0,0.10440433971786232,0.0,0.109240034048065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142084424841289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295685183166313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240205029751428,0.23562034031231194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703476213697925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083032316115678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,toufikofcourse,2019/03/30,"Don't commit suicide. People say that suicide is an act of selfishness. But I am not gonna say that. Don't commit suicide. Because no one cares even when you are dead. No one will be forever sad for your departure. Everyone whom you think that you are a part of their lives, will eventually replace you with someone else and move on. Don't take your life for these sorryshits. ",2.4241438356164373,5.0399796849315095,3.1632705479452063,88.63613869863016,80.91780821917807,6.389726027397263,25.56335616438357,7.6454224807358475,1.5100150684931508,299,12,58,5,8,94,53,73,0.208,0.636,0.156,-0.3624,0,1,0,0,0,5,9.0,0,6,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,2,7,14,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,2,0,2,8,1,6,10,1,4,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,1,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235389847609572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20662425561438655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929550678408195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385429248904732,0.0,0.0,0.1936492642281276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431439747913862,0.0,0.0,0.17895152206532838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539433901096208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746538317271328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945984032567215,0.0,0.1404981645033391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223249836937439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171222877966955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6650278329803979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237427199925868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985564046215198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leannbb,2019/03/30,attempting to kill myself everyday i'm so sick and tired of attempting to kill myself everyday. have so many cuts on my wrist and neck. Sometimes i just wish i can just disappear and just never come back. i dont care about leaving my family and friends behind i just dont want to live anymore i can't take it. i sleep with a knife beside my pillow because i attempt suicide too many times. i just wish i was brave enough and strong enough to do it just to end everything immediately.,2.841458333333332,5.067289395833335,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333337,76.91666666666666,7.6,25.25,8.515128840125781,1.8236750000000008,386,14,76,8,9,126,60,96,0.262,0.603,0.135,-0.9364,0,0,0,0,0,4,6.0,0,0,0,4,11,7,3,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,1,17,14,7,3,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,14,4,10,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585729697451906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229494587841596,0.0,0.09747056618751043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630237064176688,0.0,0.0,0.13773546678341364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747917224224525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161959532629118,0.33042875282414896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370340183349467,0.0,0.15073486583625967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353455422663187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353800465712765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930581921529206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119029883218526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32421706082944884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332095494969188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001056992968288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581403380592558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748992825664918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022121270395315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323611608892594,0.1837758908779036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943102701262522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677429377617674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tlzq,2019/03/30,"Any pro-suicide subreddits, discord servers, Facebook group or forums? I’m looking for one. Thanks. ",4.786666666666669,8.050836000000004,3.452500000000004,79.80916666666668,95.25,4.633333333333333,42.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,4.046108333333334,80,6,10,1,3,23,16,16,0.153,0.682,0.165,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549311766290775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43829083387390455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536741514286557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5709081210257261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805242103754099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Coepz,2019/03/30,"It hurts so much... I'm just so fucking tired. Everyday I wake up and fight it as best as I could. I always tell myself that today would be better, today I'll learn something new, today I'll meet someone new, today WILL be better. But there's only so many times you can say that to yourself before you just stop believing. I hate this feeling so much. It hurts. Every night i get home and all i can think about is ""I'm so tired, please let me go home"". I don't even fucking know where ""home"" is. If I'm lucky i would cry myself to sleep, like right now. If it was a really bad day I'd just cease to function and let the emptiness consume me. Right now it hurts so bad that I just want to fucking scream. It hurts and I'm scared. ",0.5097727272727255,2.5064692467532517,2.1092045454545456,97.08380681818184,83.8051948051948,4.6292207792207805,17.41720779220779,5.602791699666715,-0.6172584415584415,560,12,129,3,16,182,87,154,0.263,0.622,0.115,-0.9809,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,2,0,3,16,18,5,1,2,0,14,7,2,0,1,22,28,15,0,6,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,3,0,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,13,0,0,1,3,15,5,8,19,4,18,0,4,0,3,6,4,3,3,14,75,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499343351949956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057484273513546,0.0,0.0,0.08691849635498827,0.1150832634735045,0.10719564607741218,0.1806792021041637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155505702799028,0.0,0.11220229254656806,0.0658755482074719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674662940328562,0.0,0.08606218651308882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051647952311538285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832962557435459,0.053366930172711095,0.0,0.05805177465488945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008477651557537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307381499356495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373964840537604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613662413558323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890186746429196,0.0,0.04990324611511485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355974199990327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501777352472681,0.0,0.0,0.19730597306433192,0.0,0.09585685193828997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768643366818488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212534228539678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543717287405766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17446379766274964,0.0,0.08123038760896327,0.1022656993305436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221950255660522,0.0,0.08654774905208355,0.07863677652157479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539840751506682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927987388424266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654508619659042,0.0,0.0,0.05956199900486659,0.2348029902736001,0.3872888494684537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024820049401141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451227976419426,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,badassbanker,2019/03/30,"Suicide gene I’ve noticed there are two main groups of people, those who could never consider suicide at all costs and those, albeit the smaller of the two groups, people who consider this an option. Suicide is something I have in my mind constant when I am overwhelmed and/ or depressed. It’s an exit strategy I keep in my pocket for an emergency somehow giving me power of an option. The people around me don’t really understand that and with that they are the people I end up hanging on for. I would hate to leave this earth in karmic debt by hurting them and somehow in its own right is selfish either way. My great grandmother killed herself before I was born. I think what I inherited was her suicide gene.. the one that lets us decide to hang on or let go when the pain is too much. ",7.465049019607843,6.786439058823532,7.370710784313728,76.28194852941178,63.64052287581699,9.741503267973856,34.15767973856209,8.841846274778883,2.8477326797385607,628,23,114,8,8,201,101,153,0.203,0.713,0.084,-0.9683,2,0,1,0,0,4,13.0,1,0,2,1,7,8,2,1,10,0,14,1,0,0,2,22,20,8,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,1,3,0,3,3,2,7,0,3,2,0,18,1,18,14,5,21,0,3,0,0,10,11,0,6,6,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664260526181575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149508720539432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159460499304544,0.0,0.10461511158959244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285413317781515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605182301935045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569389539680514,0.07446617174715242,0.0,0.0,0.14445871579712066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936291861961768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026807060068314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164636126302626,0.1449629514067644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873962090097566,0.0,0.2679697982253952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230082117130498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632057841473364,0.0,0.10105678953131447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917612586209156,0.0,0.0,0.08878789206012214,0.0,0.13942291745919247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633529752306137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393982411142811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189710562380313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087167430987097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5732929977621462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395738385478768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559904268455556,0.13640465868870286,0.15761042354441818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400384347772124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307845658360024,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carla51222,2019/03/30,"How do you cover self harm cuts but not make it obvious A lot of people know that I used to self harm and I’ve done it again all up my arms, and I don’t want to make it obvious that I’m hiding them ",-0.22244680851063947,0.821921170212768,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,81.97872340425532,6.402127659574468,16.00531914893617,7.1686216300943375,-0.4572085106382979,153,2,42,2,4,54,34,47,0.233,0.737,0.03,-0.8735,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,4,3,14,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,8,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32719693823997875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757163957849134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718247904857441,0.0,0.0,0.4268473077050359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216619742378536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6671006048749045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761458697411911,0.0,0.0,0.18858627155358307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RIDtheWORLDofNIGGERS,2019/03/30,"I need to do this or ELSE!!   

I am truly to FUCK my Wife's younger sister. She is only 13 but has allowed me to French kiss her a bunch of times. I have felt her breast (nice C CUP TITS TO BOAST) and have rubbed her ass while frenching her. We are going to be alone this weekend for about 5 hours. I want her pussy so bad. I know she is so tight and I would ROCK her world. Any ideas? I really WANT THIS. NEED HER PUSSY BAD. Thanks Family Have a blessed day PS I promise NOT to get her pregnant!!! I JUST KNOW HER SLIT is SO TIGHT AND SMALL!! Can't wait to see the look in her eyes, the moment I POP HER! WOW! This is what love is all about. Caring and SHARING!",-1.0005555555555574,1.0281742183098608,0.6162441314553995,104.69538341158061,92.02816901408451,3.718935837245697,13.522691705790296,5.033348758259628,-1.5003439749608765,497,8,128,2,18,158,93,142,0.142,0.609,0.249,0.9648,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,0,6,12,1,0,4,0,15,7,4,1,1,23,31,10,0,5,4,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,4,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,7,26,9,12,28,2,10,1,0,3,6,18,3,3,1,6,76,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275806666244127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626180915420428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35916571507449024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928844492663235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387088388795982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17967178299256073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275832915227748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651057669589096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883804012461512,0.11237044882741072,0.0,0.12223494872360663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118105243039387,0.0,0.0,0.2427991963930674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364047408893967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806130723903568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941181420723948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189582630551281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635780696180773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778578722923715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139095304327026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801681277875405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541490656431062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537195716015817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278669630554614,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hoogidaba,2019/03/30,"I had a weird experience watching “Us”. So to provide some context: 

I have dealt with depression since I was ten (I am now 24), during the course of this I have attempted suicide twice, never being able to go through with it. To this day I have a lot more resolve and do not wish to take my life at all, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy, or that I don’t ever get suicidal thoughts. Recently, I’ve had some tough things to deal with, including a friendship with someone that turned sour and is still eating me up after more than a month, despite my best efforts. For a while it wasn’t even on my mind, but then another complication with that friend came up unexpectedly and now this whole situation on my mind again. Specifically, something that comes into my mind is thought of how “That person doesn’t care about you”, which becomes “Nobody cares about you”. So anyway, last night I went to the film “Us” by myself (great film, btw) and it had a lot of allegories regarding human nature. After watching this I was left in a really odd state of mind. I remember seriously pondering whether I should take my life, that night. It was surreal. I didn’t have intentions per say, but it was scary how directly my mind went to that place. And it wasn’t even just because of this falling out with my friend, it’s because of everything that I’ve dealt with in my life. But I didn’t do it, and I only had myself to pull me away from it, and I guess the takeaway is this: sometimes we feel like we don’t have the power to keep going, or that we aren’t capable of living, but we are. Despite my depression issues, I still have a strong desire to live, and I know that I have some worth and that I can’t just end it all. And I’m no one special, I’m just a normal guy (mental illness aside). You guys all this same power too, even if it feels like you don’t. Stay strong, everyone. I want you all to stay alive as well. 

 
TL DR: I had an odd experience watching a movie, and it gave me suicidal thoughts that I didn’t act upon.",5.196240740740741,5.1522632691358,5.8796450617283975,82.96465277777777,68.16049382716051,9.317901234567902,29.467592592592588,9.075114841892004,2.1333148148148147,1564,51,333,26,24,511,197,405,0.122,0.735,0.142,0.8677,3,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,6,5,0,8,21,18,0,0,15,0,37,6,0,3,6,76,63,27,3,6,13,0,2,2,2,1,5,1,0,4,35,26,1,1,10,2,1,9,15,5,1,3,21,7,48,13,46,40,14,43,0,2,3,0,20,13,0,9,20,242,83,0,0.08373472191171072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780315688932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867152761454299,0.0,0.0,0.10208781855957802,0.09247842164849776,0.0,0.0,0.08787442462453318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577021468255176,0.17074625923132716,0.0,0.0,0.07213004854795672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400196843234548,0.08632682151167298,0.144241186569733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856815249119222,0.0,0.0,0.07416410983156796,0.0,0.0,0.165917982305143,0.07574284987244305,0.0,0.08001211515931393,0.07525536880820823,0.1638172509261093,0.0,0.0,0.0846775826908906,0.11964020412942937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938647687205831,0.0,0.043747936175672686,0.0,0.0951767442596978,0.0,0.0,0.0923178265171976,0.09224323652177052,0.16582107889363806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739729471209226,0.0,0.07442726821319971,0.0,0.0,0.04601841331051517,0.06825497428250238,0.0,0.0,0.09097802036156337,0.0,0.17743293124849485,0.08181711104377071,0.0,0.14787858707852328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237653237468867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121165983673972,0.0,0.0,0.08438490507022503,0.0,0.42274099522414427,0.0,0.06683625615408198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458137962017517,0.0,0.0,0.1571587283370315,0.0820422489086287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674081463901121,0.06368402924493582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311392937451816,0.08748496237066203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053642607006737335,0.0,0.08267793605569368,0.0,0.09485511681746978,0.0,0.0,0.06658921172983688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926622725610777,0.09412133577608164,0.0,0.0,0.07094815814634932,0.06446307983601457,0.08281578106197715,0.0,0.0,0.17850014459724148,0.13374131416648394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27477658522829435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591617992577378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05562962852568059,0.0,0.0,0.1994280478160924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910793324092486,0.0,0.0,0.2014451209508212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493889084753635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528757113446177,0.15524585222887327,0.0,0.09348682667511132,0.09629079776393057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fulltime-Loser,2019/03/30,"Feeling Numb I think I’m gonna go through with committing suicide. I’ve been planning on it for a while. I’ve been struggling with depression for 3 years now. It’s getting to me I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live the life I want because of it. I’m a little afraid I’m gonna get interrupted and not die, because it will just fuck things up for me more. I’m trying to talk myself out of it but I can’t. I feel numb and apathetic. I’m not crying right now like I usually am when Im considering suicide. Not sure what that means. I’m afraid of who I am right now, I’m gonna kill my self and I feel nothing. I do wonder what my life could’ve been. I think in some ways I’m already dead. I don’t know if this is the place for it, but I just want someone to hear who I really was not the fraud I played. I’m sorry mom it’s not your fault thank you for your kindness and my little brother I know you’ll miss me I’m sorry I won’t be there for you when you’re older. Thank you for listening. ",-1.4850148809523809,0.4748510044642877,1.334500000000002,98.79383333333335,94.75892857142858,4.415238095238095,16.84166666666667,6.079149491110277,-0.5370197619047623,771,21,193,8,30,266,111,224,0.214,0.6629999999999999,0.123,-0.9677,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,6,0,1,9,16,2,3,5,0,16,5,0,0,3,33,50,10,5,3,10,2,3,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,14,7,0,0,10,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,4,5,29,6,21,38,2,21,0,2,0,1,14,9,1,3,11,108,43,0,0.12836892506903494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165830090921594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650501048959622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249214119312418,0.0,0.14100723644798935,0.0,0.0,0.11056396706113132,0.0,0.13322667738211472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611704198459866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472155670861066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867500271702212,0.13413493023315198,0.0,0.07295501837977167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468110812210033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386604672926965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202119615032932,0.1336764815169948,0.14109640816105065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134153619277985,0.06271457262386781,0.2573187732916377,0.11335211266368847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398313920400949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034413356889556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317344573279355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411820476418446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223642047341066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925272122613124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391678506928878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876657363808626,0.0,0.0,0.2873970037921905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419907236394396,0.0,0.28082953781178593,0.0,0.12098619269373932,0.0,0.0,0.10317807944203172,0.0,0.2363697185891299,0.0,0.0,0.08528260980386228,0.2467608716226696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715407376432834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138023513841194,0.0,0.1514306358597623,0.10189327763816727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921062338564025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266537900392784
suicidewatch,cellulosedawg,2019/03/30,"Its time to shape up and ship out. There is no point to living, if every day you try to dig your self out of a deep ditch, yet more and more dirt just keeps getting thrown on top of you. Its time to wake up and give up hope. There are no comforts. You are only prolonging your needless pain. There is no such thing as happiness or pleasure, as pleasure is just the temporary removal of pain. If your life has been nothing but pain, it certainly isn't going to change any time soon. ",3.707334315169368,4.79541419587629,3.9256259204712833,91.59886597938149,71.98969072164948,7.192341678939616,25.19734904270987,7.447530270364453,0.9463472754050072,375,11,82,4,7,116,64,97,0.139,0.723,0.138,-0.0073,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,6,0,1,8,9,0,0,2,0,8,5,1,0,1,14,13,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,16,12,2,18,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,4,6,56,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324885278861048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728310300369496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636787251045284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650915356181169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237281680146193,0.1879676407011924,0.11135966922796003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858636590376572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461691604547288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741643094482732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840126379378284,0.0,0.0,0.17302241919548011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880138540034305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902448044385974,0.6254956958350648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852307116013723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441265344842602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017669557997866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34277011584069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303332713511967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Infinite_Preparation,2019/03/30,I hope I get cancer. Don’t have the courage to end it myself.,-2.11785714285714,-0.2880584999999982,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,98.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.581028571428571,47,1,12,0,2,16,13,14,0.238,0.4320000000000001,0.33,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195197453343665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36544239983475935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6947281033208988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TeacupWizard,2019/03/30,"I don’t want to exist I’ve struggled with my mental health since I was 11. I’m now 22, and still struggling. I’ve been diagnosed with all sorts of things and I don’t know which diagnosis is correct. To top it all off, I’m transgender, FTM. Definitely not a bonus.

I dislike myself, inside and out. I am literally useless. I’m not even being dramatic. I’m incapable of so many things. The only people I interact with are my small family unit, and I had a falling out with my brother just a few days ago. 

I have self-harmed before and had suicidal ideation, but never made an actual attempt. 

I just want it all to end. I want to have not been born. I want to not exist. Why can’t there just be a goddamn erase button? Seriously. If I believed in a god I would be disappointed in them for not thinking this through. 

I love my family and I love my dog, but fucking hell I don’t want to be here any more. ",0.6990552995391681,2.9555560483870984,3.216973886328727,87.77403225806455,85.29032258064517,6.553609831029188,22.29800307219662,7.793537801064563,1.1861293394777266,699,25,149,14,21,242,109,186,0.158,0.703,0.139,-0.693,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,9,10,2,2,7,0,19,5,0,1,5,38,34,10,1,7,11,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,2,0,1,1,10,7,0,0,6,0,23,3,19,23,5,15,1,2,0,3,5,7,2,2,7,103,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.15291891547394013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890720243146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656298999122922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334218124886893,0.17654991768520967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106006957453777,0.0,0.0,0.1590496142119298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879179439360267,0.0,0.0,0.1035004421887046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954501099779597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486882257374242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665672991390341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611952834083951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28286002682993616,0.14827557813055672,0.0,0.15887161498330166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579191393388122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085853362569852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917921907500692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086376976217392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347475484882465,0.0,0.0,0.1296258256666656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125142720784224,0.0,0.0,0.3276386965873558,0.0,0.17140696673810266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821219271864946,0.10040855589020364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621356102031562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139952185010632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131687269118457,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jhay5638,2019/03/30,"I've had so many great experiences in the past year, but still I go through days where I feel like I should hike into the backcountry and end it all I don't know what else to say. I feel stuck. I feel like I contribute nothing to the world and just consume and destroy, and I feel like anything I do (exercise, hiking, nights with friends, reading, studying) just masks the feeling temporarily and does not provide any solutions. ",8.465370370370373,7.418951802469138,7.603796296296295,76.61458333333333,61.839506172839506,11.062962962962963,40.003086419753096,10.125756701596842,3.8820345679012345,340,16,65,6,4,105,57,81,0.102,0.69,0.208,0.8523,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,19,12,7,0,1,4,0,5,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,6,9,5,6,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,9,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146588947506746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908789714969773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467698154980753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917777126419795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149609321312922,0.0,0.17122630195809488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891064433775458,0.0,0.0,0.488748175358685,0.4143287723357959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936043868458262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986959857679483,0.0,0.0,0.2131386741544944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624495798619762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833427393533542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959986124435817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814200152519908,0.0,0.1854980964782399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454814522626592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337475721889927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373776481237253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543875514433493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449331394971515
suicidewatch,ubergoofygoober,2019/03/30,The sight of blood sooths me I cut pretty deep this time. I'm scared and no one is around. I just want to calmly fade away. I'm sorry. I fucked everything l up,-1.9610476190476158,-0.2094327714285704,0.17071428571428626,104.22845238095242,105.28571428571428,3.4761904761904763,8.69047619047619,5.46131890053228,-1.8725238095238097,123,1,31,1,6,40,30,35,0.317,0.516,0.16699999999999998,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,1,5,5,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192560050934286,0.0,0.0,0.3369439211131215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223127835433613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33154689917034563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430164145952983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36485480682540217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3590503737743214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40145600697964656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911955959270345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115287828491307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JMovilla,2019/03/30,I wish I wasn’t so scared and did it already What and where would be the easiest way to do it,-0.3013636363636394,1.0198579545454578,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,83.0909090909091,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.050109090909091325,73,2,20,1,2,25,19,22,0.129,0.648,0.223,0.3197,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.510258531294655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629327535969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36702342088494777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317253346392459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284683758184563,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Muuuuuuuuuuurph,2019/03/30,It’s been a whole year since I tried to die Spending every day plunging deeper into student loan debt and watching the sun go up and back down again doesn’t exactly make me feel like it was a blessing to wake up in an ER. Let’s see if third time’s the charm for dosage adjustments on Monday.,6.7273224043715825,5.2031868688524625,6.654754098360659,83.56715846994537,65.55737704918033,9.444808743169398,31.80874316939891,7.793537801064563,1.9671923497267758,233,7,50,2,3,74,53,61,0.1,0.768,0.132,0.25,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,1,1,8,8,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,2,3,2,3,9,5,1,13,1,0,2,0,0,6,0,1,7,29,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508730852107338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104101086987152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33860540385026466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748873369833177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496638822209025,0.2330795440090992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542054749691125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336220026745878,0.0,0.1593937010805639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177804619314119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25998623700623497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26988487325913824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024428677931304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150849157278385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642565990395651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101001435454088
suicidewatch,DemonInPain,2019/03/30,"Endless Grieving     My friend vanished during first day of the month with no warning. This was extremely harmful to my stability as I have no other friends here and I tend to worry a lot. Then the New Zealand shootings happened. I could not believe that someone would go in and slaughter 50 strangers. I couldn't help them. I sat in my dark room alone for days as a massive blizzard steamrolled my town. I visited my other friend who lives in another state, turns out he has grown apart from me. All we had were similar hobbies and I couldn't do anything to connect with him. 3 weeks pass. My friend returned, she was in the hospital and in a depressed state. I couldn't do anything to help her. The next day she texts me - ""My friend just commit suicide"". She was incredibly upset and she told me that it's been the 3rd suicide at her school that month. I graduated last year and I'm waiting to go to college so I never knew about this. Here I was today, crying about someone I never knew. I was crying for all the people who had lost their lives in the past month. All I could do was watch. I don't have any reason to be sad, I never knew these people and never would know any of them - the shooting victims and the suicide victims. I was also crying because I had realized how little I meant to my friends now. They had all grown past me (not like they were ever that close to me) but I was no longer even a thought to them. All I was this month was an observer. I was an observer to tragic events over and over. I observed my friends becoming more and more distant from me as they had their own problems now. I feel selfish and incredibly unimportant. I didn't know why I was crying for those people, I don't know why I was getting jealous of my friends becoming adults, I don't know why I couldn't help anyone. I love my friends. I want to help everyone. I believe in the goodness of everyone but I think this month broke it. I was not there but I felt everything. I felt like I was a ghost who was lost in someone else's story. It sounds fucking weird, but I don't know how to describe it. The people who died had so much potential. So so much. But evil won out over good. The story did not have a happy ending for anyone. I don't have the same potential as any of them did. I am a lonely young man who's been sitting at home for a year doing nothing to help anyone. I want to die. I can't stand it. I can't stand the tragedies, I can't stand the suffering, I can't stand the blurred confusion behind it all. Why did these people have to fucking die. Why wasn't I the one dead. I would be proud to have taken that place. Why should I even not go through with suicide if I'm going to be so damn sensitive. I'm going to see more people die, I'm going to see more hate, I'm going to lose my friends soon. I nearly cried for 3 HOURS when my fish died last month. I'm a bleeding heart crybaby. Tragedies are still going to happen. My friends are going to leave me. So I struggle to see why I should live. I want everyone to be happy, but I also want myself to be happy. I hope someone will read this, and goodnight.",1.605968104222821,3.724603922955975,2.9672686433063795,91.76946540880506,80.52515723270442,5.6104222821203935,23.774483378256964,6.7277918919703765,0.7101407906558852,2429,87,513,25,63,788,241,636,0.238,0.653,0.109,-0.9983,0,3,0,2,0,6,71.0,1,0,9,6,24,47,8,3,28,0,71,5,1,3,12,84,124,35,13,18,13,0,3,2,11,6,1,1,2,2,26,19,0,1,16,1,0,13,27,25,0,2,44,8,94,22,66,63,15,78,0,10,4,3,44,22,3,5,38,356,120,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992282903322399,0.0,0.07709438912523753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833722390256112,0.05054409497535749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111206783303757,0.0,0.07933242721572724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02938354712921216,0.1064708443880778,0.0,0.10861449981723267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697089445765007,0.0,0.2647386664981493,0.09325908263439006,0.0,0.041516390136907166,0.0,0.2501308003800902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026666166942674,0.0,0.0426927452712719,0.0,0.0,0.06367405267915523,0.04360155071055661,0.0,0.13817749011766345,0.0433209310827176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02437242539699761,0.0,0.09256313244596616,0.0,0.0,0.041000673772984234,0.0,0.0,0.4096489732237272,0.08912411237151563,0.02518360295206914,0.0,0.24654923094815,0.08085925358681438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524989933132154,0.15393606577191793,0.0,0.047589585311854456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057119709629850586,0.16154422688632727,0.0,0.048350627186496686,0.04787555226648186,0.04746934982285853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245304242953904,0.0785822748269473,0.0,0.05103905427810948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709821352344035,0.04831115808109232,0.12768998772230364,0.0,0.0,0.05392580993862975,0.10523655220151976,0.04097969383765387,0.0435042688425398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308466937999011,0.0,0.07086816581857792,0.0,0.14870569582258314,0.04655387961836142,0.051263470359778116,0.0,0.0,0.04625120609793626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03266298417616357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202869961367152,0.2005035631257529,0.0,0.05036092554794866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046122891018919226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048215134926297566,0.0,0.0,0.04955977734402277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878308923185583,0.11523247676035557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336590030336878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849425194290188,0.0,0.0,0.050391291054092235,0.0,0.21090105508452134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03088595344131035,0.0,0.03826707583445986,0.0,0.0,0.045689945914129636,0.04605916337255448,0.0,0.0,0.05243003316370205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372336800393185,0.0,0.03866480969915092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30446422686160896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048951562947859684,0.0,0.10272414686249776,0.0,0.0,0.062081132158451076
suicidewatch,SoupmanBob,2019/03/30,"A fart saved my life Hello guys, if you will indulge me, and despite the silliness of the title, take a moment to read this story. I don't know if it will help any of you or not. But if you have the heart to listen, I'd like to tell you all a story. 

I have dealt with suicidal thoughts and tendencies since I was 8 years old. Self-harm was common, bullying and yelling at myself a norm. Beyond what anyone else did, I was my own worst bully. I have choked, scratched, cut and hit myself multiple times. I have attempted suicide in many ways, the most prevalent being in trying to drown myself.

My father imposed high standards on me, and I was angry that I couldn't live up to them, angrier than he was. I have autism, asperger's syndrome to be specific. Many things stress me out, and I am particularly vulnerable to anxiety, depression and psychosis. My dad treated it like an illness that could be cured, and without meaning to... So did I, and whenever I was hobbled by it. It would destroy me and I would harm myself, I would inflict the punishment that I felt that I deserved.

I didn't feel worthy of living, and I didn't feel worthy of asking for help. I am a middle class boy, and there are people in far worse situations than me. Who the fuck was I to ask for help? All of them words that I am sure some of you are familiar with.

I hid my pain, I hid my punishments, I never caused wounds that a t-shirt couldn't hide. And if I did, I made sure to have an explanation.

It all culminated when I was 16. Until this point, I had never used knives and cutting to hurt myself. I'd stabbed myself with needles, I'd put sharp rocks in my shoes, but never knives. I was in my bedroom, crying and screaming obscenities at the world. I had the house to myself, and I had gotten a kitchen knife. I held it to my wrist. I was ready to go for it. I had written a note for my family, mostly for my mom.

And just before I did it, I farted. It wasn't a small one, it was a big, loud, long, and wet fart, it made my cheeks ripple like a damn flag. I'm trying to cry, but I begin smiling, I try to cry again, but the damn absurdity of the situation (and the ungodly smell of the fart) hit me, and I laughed. I laughed so hard, and it was the most freeing laugh ever. Here I am trying to kill myself, and a fart is interrupting me from screaming at the world.

That tiny moment filled me with a clarity, it stopped me, and because of that fart, I still live. That was 8 years ago, and I have never attempted suicide since. Because of that fart I learned that it was okay to seek help. Because of that fart, I was freed from myself, I am no longer my worst bully.

Because of that fart, I learned that the best way forward is finding a reason to laugh each and every day. Laughter is not a miracle cure, but it does keep the bad thoughts at bay, and gives you time to get the help you need. And from experience, I know that the toughest thing to do in your hour of darkness is to find a reason to smile.

Thank you for taking the time to read this story.

And thank God for farts. ",3.3442783136834566,4.358586528938908,4.541181136120045,87.12345087531261,72.77813504823152,7.393840657377635,25.719328331546983,7.715138304826218,1.2158826295105394,2359,74,507,29,45,777,272,622,0.189,0.6809999999999999,0.13,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,2,5,98.0,0,9,2,3,10,37,9,1,37,1,57,10,4,6,10,93,88,42,5,11,14,3,7,3,0,5,4,5,2,2,37,34,1,3,14,3,1,4,14,19,0,1,34,13,90,19,70,41,12,52,0,2,0,1,29,23,3,9,28,358,127,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875122215011563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052742663228586215,0.0,0.059332291788046325,0.0,0.0,0.05423093646967364,0.07946818564274061,0.0,0.0,0.14501407061870594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475838246146726,0.1891165687857453,0.0,0.0659968508799635,0.0,0.0813932058863361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967428179920225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192441382327591,0.0,0.2555841948533979,0.05001902833118743,0.0,0.0668013056467968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787225379281832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479044937879368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015640102825145,0.06534665839720273,0.0,0.0,0.07586741699495499,0.07311556128773622,0.0,0.07843214850470519,0.0,0.07446863855163394,0.0,0.1417747289579805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170188751233036,0.04052128695537089,0.0744014958770608,0.04407846978356187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767954343505095,0.0,0.0,0.0694774765496937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190758562719747,0.2599302405657796,0.08194516096301298,0.0,0.0,0.07637982338817385,0.08949247525372449,0.08302833040167887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893785070136617,0.08580735283418618,0.0,0.0852486080028241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054782094509035435,0.11367397839584255,0.0,0.20545760047404693,0.0686371229047709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467760783177639,0.0,0.15726495824367465,0.0,0.08448430177548544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083596297865937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750888885339575,0.2392726006597837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138494408650977,0.0,0.052555869672028674,0.0,0.0825280622082746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053769526362426316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331816249916423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796804489393999,0.0,0.0,0.1551596347559081,0.0,0.0,0.15948678694018525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091077345030298,0.0,0.0,0.12831492940329625,0.1743587464464785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193858091232775,0.06484265377923518,0.08884337641220028,0.0,0.0,0.25451031138799624,0.0,0.1461965566540886,0.0,0.11662917397080927,0.0,0.06778983496511161,0.14281149850918032,0.0,0.0,0.10305327920649633,0.0,0.0,0.12314609341501576,0.13567553045495542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106294147957032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698592608848318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312517656132467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476394332525298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903907264179241,0.1652867002463177,0.0,0.0,0.09989068583612704
suicidewatch,throwawaygoaway99999,2019/03/30,"I just want to feel something again I dont want to kill myself. I just.. Want to stop existing. The only time I feel myself is when I'm on drugs. The only time I feel real, or feel like my emotions are genuine, not just faked to satisfy others, is when I'm alone, and when I'm alone all I feel is sadness. I used to hold such love and passion in my heart. I used to care so deeply for people and animals and causes. I miss feeling like I held a place in the world. I feel like maybe I never felt that way. Has nostalgia tricked me into believing in emotions ive never experienced? I don't want to kill myself. I hope the drugs or the alcohol, a distracted driver or a freak medical accident will kill me. Hurting would be better. This apathy is unbearable. ",1.7175541125541116,3.8058391103896128,3.8152987012987047,85.9948528138528,79.97402597402598,7.223549783549784,23.253679653679647,8.238735603445708,1.4857425108225115,589,20,120,12,15,201,85,154,0.14800000000000002,0.595,0.258,0.9585,0,2,4,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,1,9,18,4,1,8,0,12,7,1,3,3,36,34,11,3,6,7,0,8,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,3,8,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,2,9,22,8,13,29,1,17,0,3,0,2,1,7,0,4,12,77,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033435752499125,0.0,0.23323773529434666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686079919789947,0.0,0.09958488873862227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148024424821659,0.11567044942231546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196548557778387,0.0,0.26115877048794506,0.0,0.0,0.25331800770184715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985349577855568,0.2413227858980249,0.10811294052005764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343065660272216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183646442761737,0.0,0.0,0.12053982885657907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737231704610942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503092179490894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016252217369092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312108371295493,0.0,0.0,0.11343190106067748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368697042362613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712736112015024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806214425931812,0.0,0.1176422535501109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816260069479932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668440583604359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413801712430164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131505950596364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449920352347455,0.0,0.0,0.2656558263718421,0.08937604573545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998727849306465,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Prttbt,2019/03/30,"I feel like I'm under my friend's boot all the time and if I don't do what they want they'll crush me If I don't ""perform"" happy at events my friends get mad at me. I'm never mean or outright depressing in real life, just sometimes a little quiet on a bad day. I post instagram private stories when I'm sad and will just like, take a pic of a sock on the ground and type ""I have clinical depression"" because I think it's funny and makes me feel better. This upsets them. 

So. If I don't ""perform"" well for them that week, they don't invite me to hang out on the weekend. If I do ""perform"" well for them, they'll allow me to go. I feel like I'm the only one who can see this and it's driving me crazy. They do mean things to me all the time like not invite me over and ignore my texts. Any time I try to bring it up I'm shut down. I got my friend a job a couple weeks ago and he never hung out with me again after. It just sucks. They're gonna talk so much shit about me if I phase myself out of the group and go hang out with new people, like ""oh she was so depressed online we didn't wanna hang out with her irl what a loser."" Nobody else I know does this. I feel sick to my stomach even thinking about it.",0.7844883949002934,2.1540617443609023,2.672314481856816,96.5023193854201,80.05263157894737,5.227590715920236,18.33213468453743,5.511479884284512,-0.5509197123242893,928,18,226,4,23,310,142,266,0.175,0.7240000000000001,0.101,-0.9611,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,8,5,13,23,3,1,13,0,14,5,2,2,4,46,39,18,0,7,10,0,4,5,3,4,3,1,0,0,13,17,0,1,9,1,0,7,8,11,2,1,3,6,41,12,31,32,3,41,0,5,1,0,18,18,2,6,20,142,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967240055571907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413544235404076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033029964928783,0.07541999776493638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942236663987184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689642985948433,0.0,0.07979068209970175,0.0,0.31968564287674395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827026446646053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335414984974416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171744700577761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502309555595065,0.17677454676479654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867627480199915,0.0,0.06463982275543008,0.0,0.14062852827345204,0.0,0.0989520675859918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170474489694958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227753442333962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799456934226647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738875651050647,0.3022224599918145,0.12400230028304154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258563104673493,0.0,0.0,0.2695398247542486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909501648003652,0.0,0.19084461105484712,0.119491819055274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383746804732553,0.0940964242567719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577350116097389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184918137255402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082312347161274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859069659512458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269992169542837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236457024401315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302381168061699,0.0994433404600264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219563349024926,0.15855257564841269,0.0,0.0,0.21643049616159454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839993560327284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729746490694327,0.0,0.1984852167962092,0.0,0.2224825067987844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whywei8,2019/03/30,"I should be happy I have so much going for me, I’ve got a great job, wife, and kids. We bought a nice house and a new car. Our bills get paid. Yet my depression has been steadily getting worse. I’m on meds, told the doc it’s not working so he doubled the dose, felt great for one weekend. Now I’m sinking down that black pit, I’m to a point where I feel nothing. I avoid everyone in my life because I’m not mentally there. The thought of how bad it would hurt these people is the only reason I stay, but what’s the point when all I do is avoid them anyway? Some little thing set my suicidal thoughts going earlier and as I sat there gritting my teeth the SO asked me what is the matter? I responded with “I just need to clear my head” ...what I was thinking when I said that was putting my gun to my head and literally clearing it out. I chuckled at my own sick inner joke. ",0.7587402933563396,2.8152676120218594,2.3521081392004604,95.35402933563421,83.2622950819672,5.382686223756112,21.653436870865693,6.5966054737557815,0.2829956284153008,675,22,154,7,19,220,122,183,0.12,0.755,0.125,-0.5767,1,2,0,1,0,0,21.0,2,0,1,1,13,11,0,2,11,0,12,6,3,2,3,28,33,12,1,3,4,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,10,7,0,2,6,2,3,4,2,5,0,1,12,4,25,6,13,18,5,22,0,2,1,0,10,10,0,1,6,97,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394812030844657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457518166329258,0.0909505071642311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285051366322576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425663229110054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543964794078807,0.0,0.14325472353031465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559009503271451,0.0,0.1695867985583023,0.0,0.119328308122535,0.3289855052447241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882542693315008,0.0,0.0,0.3062430472278619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721559578617345,0.15972093418398012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805728130745008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105383876433595,0.0,0.1495368925284855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572678536042934,0.0,0.1503578002044084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096786510262845,0.11062938887376828,0.0,0.14409761160330198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316075023435978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110130554544056,0.11347278920860468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343600720005833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820831239256757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998650348275328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340172731916513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419226985705701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902659993203014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163199815844723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912138390567528,0.09560088567201257,0.0,0.23689515357225924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425663229110054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861886580501254,0.0,0.1520468309829735,0.10598690047044287,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darmiat,2019/03/30,"I'm just so tired. I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a long time now, and I'm so tired. I went to college, away from my abusive family, and it didn't get better. I got myself into therapy, and that didn't help. The meds haven't helped either. My friends, while they care and do try very hard, can't do anything to alleviate my suffering. I'm trying, really, I am. I am just so tired of trying. It feels so useless, and for what? To save myself? I don't think it's worth the effort. I just want to sleep.",0.33999999999999986,2.4711741111111145,2.5607407407407408,92.73333333333336,85.66666666666667,5.822222222222222,19.185185185185183,7.1686216300943375,0.331096296296296,396,11,89,6,12,134,67,108,0.287,0.624,0.08900000000000001,-0.9756,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,8,6,0,0,3,0,10,4,1,0,0,16,21,10,1,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,6,2,12,4,11,15,1,7,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,56,17,1,0.0,0.19654283434033934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365066057828399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585143263466933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670899166401802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912757337442194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101687504164498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637861904876085,0.0,0.08387483359339519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281598844938098,0.0,0.08666640568103416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326708469611988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859753035440526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22237417782365654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146800192821996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425730929954187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626814307229886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600162026209744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144778998959216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970032065149928,0.0,0.0,0.10629037377553656,0.0,0.13169163780132215,0.09672702462411256,0.5719702579195021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378686059098073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686987602472306,0.0978413966976924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377411125792986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FuccCNN,2019/03/30,"15 years Why, has it taken me 15 years to realize there is nothing for me? Dreams weren’t made to come true, they weren’t mean to happen at all. There are no tears left to cry, there’s no emotion. Everything is numb, I have had enough of this piece of shit planet and want nothing more but to quit. I have one place where I am at piece of mind and that is where my last thought will be thunk. The person that is supposed to be closest to me told me that she’s paying my therapist to help me realize I can’t fix things. If I can’t fix what’s wrong than what’s the point in staying amongst the people? There is nothing left for me. Why was I put on this planet just to realize 15 years later that I shouldn’t be here? I’ve had people on me since day one, people who thought I didn’t belong. My dad, or, lack there of, wanted me aborted. I brought up to my parent that i have had suicidal thoughts, all that I got in response was a meek statement about how she wanted to kill me when I was little, and that we were even. I had self harmed in the past for attention, it’s not like I got it though, because here I fucking am. I have isolated myself from so many people and I am mean to everyone I’m close with. I just want this to be done. I am so sorry.",3.062621722846444,3.5217605243445718,4.116348314606744,91.97017790262173,72.97003745318352,7.281647940074906,24.57116104868914,7.1686216300943375,0.7280172284644197,968,26,228,9,18,315,135,267,0.16399999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.03,-0.9879,3,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,1,1,18,8,3,0,5,0,35,3,1,2,3,36,54,12,2,7,6,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,17,8,0,0,10,1,1,3,9,6,0,2,21,0,37,2,32,27,7,29,0,0,0,1,11,17,2,2,9,162,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698789800051544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466046788105108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070895804502553,0.07086993148084303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124555792829702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361141116411373,0.0,0.1135457013147929,0.0,0.07258128039126674,0.0,0.0,0.1050045634184971,0.0987620078643056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015914947687536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577807496229436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717532631183548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365692198866641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157695618648436,0.0,0.0,0.08957498200621701,0.0,0.0,0.2387915202522441,0.0,0.0,0.05368668237433648,0.1101386063293088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039805346130745,0.0,0.11141116877831876,0.0,0.23940475766108826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095753075450343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163271332965624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489285580643892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220197929676709,0.0,0.10490239853839584,0.3047354397875464,0.09595167204985984,0.11481161647987835,0.0,0.10388152920950054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046975888341183,0.0,0.11688149619705412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463919155961855,0.0,0.112800461994101,0.09090210823938384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123012810359607,0.0,0.11712807314399624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020177741030448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275907101780543,0.07300600471367852,0.0,0.107966325092799,0.2617210537758704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050045634184971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592637758342257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983171883243152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014741747895707,0.0,0.2122965888273788
suicidewatch,AMasterPiece,2019/03/30,"I bought a gun yesterday after years of depression and mental anguish I have finally been pushed to my limits with anxiety and depression and bought a gun. I entered my room as a battle-worn soldier ready to take a bullet.
I couldn't do it. I tried so hard but couldn't do it. I cried until I couldn't move and eventually fell asleep on the floor. I woke up and had so much anxiety about being late to work, which should be the last thing I should be worried about.
I don't know what to say or do at this point. I don't have any hope or drive to continue.",3.5231034482758616,4.2588235517241415,4.713275862068965,87.09681034482759,72.10344827586206,8.558620689655173,24.84482758620689,8.841846274778883,1.4912103448275866,436,12,97,8,8,144,72,116,0.19,0.768,0.042,-0.9015,0,0,0,2,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,6,0,17,1,1,0,0,17,23,12,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,2,5,5,3,0,0,5,2,13,1,15,10,1,19,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,3,8,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259327288432906,0.0,0.3433163225917242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246482489397995,0.0,0.0,0.3865345144750429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580888617449506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100986354280026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287045296476865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331918135804032,0.18290825229754232,0.25312232113884103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261329034101719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384916497576232,0.16495287750264365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212160503015312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844437665399307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687137725001703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907511484041688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234645826515275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335899737968615,0.2278795019804078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450016124833728
suicidewatch,mancherjenkins17,2019/03/30,"I hate hearing ""you have so much to live for"" YEAH, that's exactly why it hurts so fucking much, there's so much I COULD achieve, there's so much I COULD see, so much I COULD do, etc. but I can't because I'm not intelligent or diligent enough and just fuck everything up. The last thing I want is to hear about is all the things better people could do, all the things I've missed out on by fucking everything up, the fact that ""there is so much to live for"" is EXACTLY why I wish everyone would just stop caring about me so I could end it without guilt",2.611149758454108,3.920328704347831,3.450724637681162,93.08120772946863,75.0,7.1980676328502415,24.082125603864736,7.793537801064563,0.8937053140096616,431,13,100,6,9,137,65,115,0.145,0.716,0.139,-0.1612,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,14,9,4,1,4,1,14,3,0,0,5,22,26,10,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,10,2,13,20,10,7,0,2,1,3,3,4,3,1,3,74,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008667454577497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016845667725887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722297204020125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458984240877044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018322440832396,0.1187981837265655,0.1282256542679686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109861943452484,0.2066612301409904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31887297152188515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351235992214145,0.0,0.0,0.2591665968048941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308132721113887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371860886372456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030471127916781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071117572913526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970803021311786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161885799890902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612285166316266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914951409053905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678142486209312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074910939109105,0.0,0.13221365486804135,0.11083018684697572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167375456163213,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missjaniedoe,2019/03/30,"Not a matter of ""if"" but a matter of ""when"" Sometimes I wonder if all the effort is just putting off the inevitable. I have always had SI. I've worked really hard to get to a place where my life is ""good"". I thought for sure that having a child would take suicide off of the table. I was naive. It does motivate me to seek treatment but how long will it hold up? Its like I have a ticking clock counting down. I think that this is just a part of me. I wonder if I'll ever just be okay with having it. And if I'm okay with having it, as a facet of who I am, does that just mean I'm inherently at risk my whole life? Maybe it isn't a part of me. Maybe its just something that I hold onto as a contingency control method. Just my ramblings.",0.13764705882352854,2.1554511273885346,2.1417010116148383,96.15671787186213,85.4968152866242,4.7132259273136015,18.152491569876357,5.900188976854957,-0.4306040464593486,565,14,132,4,17,188,89,157,0.105,0.802,0.093,-0.2017,1,0,2,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,10,6,0,1,12,2,15,2,0,3,3,32,24,11,1,5,13,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,3,0,3,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,15,5,20,18,4,13,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,6,5,97,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004386216794434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887692038545932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945709825177828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224218164234826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793280497038414,0.0,0.0,0.14116687332691594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507688885105583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23775864955314194,0.0822256853416186,0.0,0.0,0.14894528766474774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381714844849616,0.1833342963481117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645174401718504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584368101594294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691937596437139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782096968152273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295699848387971,0.16645868493888774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409916742345786,0.0,0.15862617243332347,0.0,0.12654497400252065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784352522743232,0.0,0.13361596124838793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187907353259191,0.0,0.0,0.36504080107090975,0.12252858655311825,0.0,0.0,0.11955957200935985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,identiflier,2019/03/30,"Too weak to stay. Too weak to leave. I've given myself over to fate. There's nothing I dare take responsibility for. I'll sink and sink and sink until I can't sink anymore. Then I'll be done, and my time will be finished.  

From now until then, though, I'll be carried by the stream. The world will have its way with me. I'll follow the path of least resistance until it eats me whole.  

Already, but not yet.",0.43250000000000105,2.7263420119047623,2.0145714285714327,95.58042857142858,87.21428571428572,4.312380952380953,16.733333333333334,5.6839178017228535,-0.6929009523809517,315,7,71,2,10,102,57,84,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,0,6,11,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,12,4,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294370909669558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960631715224781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055015182579668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30547239879177523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161019048494608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28644916242919444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181950100144105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244586424445791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29330582303601416,0.0,0.1740762014741958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369605223185504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332999176804276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kellyms329,2019/03/30,"1 Year From Today Today is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 57 but she lost her battle to cancer a few years ago. She was my best friend and the only person I really had in my life. We grew especially close when I had to be her caretaker while she was going through treatments. But at one point she stopped progressing and eventually slipped away. 
Since losing her I’ve lost motivation to keep going. I have no purpose in life anymore. I’ve always had issues with suicidal thoughts but losing her has made it so much worse. The only reason I haven’t done it yet  is because I keep thinking things might get better.
I’ve been trying different things that I thought would help. I moved to the city and enrolled in school this fall for nursing. But I’m not sure I have what it takes to make it through. I’ve also been having trouble getting a job since I moved here. Should also mention that I am still in the closet in my late 20s because of unsupportive family which is why I thought moving away would be good for me. 
So that is where I am and why I decided that if 1 year from today things have not gotten better I would end my life. Hopefully I can find some sort of fulfillment in all of this. In the meantime I am still applying for jobs, preparing for school, and will hopefully work up the courage to try a dating app, but we will see..",4.339609190887663,5.467416130597017,4.96926158680283,84.55845640219954,70.52985074626865,8.030164964650433,27.164964650432054,8.371475516178862,1.7213477611940298,1065,35,214,16,19,342,148,268,0.146,0.722,0.132,-0.5362,3,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,2,0,0,10,10,15,1,0,9,0,34,4,0,4,2,42,54,17,1,8,8,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,1,15,9,0,3,8,0,0,7,4,6,0,1,16,1,33,9,29,28,5,37,0,4,1,0,16,14,0,6,16,151,48,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053688990901693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453123645487839,0.07559808844634297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901030912479376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072128493687255,0.0,0.0,0.11076792385604872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534602377681188,0.16070655973618875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949234471570908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297553300678314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046997757994516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564938521687779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303922011043396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019383713152096,0.0,0.09493528476834212,0.0,0.10326922947101913,0.07620430920895199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060897748472781926,0.0,0.0,0.1804777178432552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482832547983186,0.18031782530451887,0.16151102246233556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248765201178807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251932008537226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032855319642292,0.19835648755868202,0.0,0.0,0.0859685725654778,0.0606459769456623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638209635331367,0.0,0.1064075040617954,0.0,0.2896913527590819,0.06678839318386734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156525160537377,0.13819763810767804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793305046188914,0.0,0.0,0.08588671731003797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820361618261605,0.09341339251903708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838988836077232,0.07239914543222589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150311296582808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511278537463754,0.07595829580198935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993799008848126,0.0,0.08562913952728829,0.0,0.06831115615484991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107875778764213,0.0582157920547195,0.0,0.21638459051176206,0.0,0.0,0.2583578708731783,0.0,0.0,0.12336826503217062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639638193714064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614304104480975,0.0,0.09258833360029402,0.2581612634627661,0.0,0.0,0.175521647103698
suicidewatch,flowerynight,2019/03/30,"I hate that you can’t even mention suicidal thoughts because everyone will freak out Even if you have them and know you won’t act on them. I get in phases where every time something upsets me I have very graphic images of all the ways I could kill my self. My OCD urges it on, and my irrational side tries to tell me it’s the best option. I have too many responsibilities for that ever to be an option, though, even if I have doubts that I’ll ever be “happy.”

But I can’t say this to anyone because they’ll freak out. They’ll think they should call a hospital, or tell someone in my family, or at the very least treat me differently or not let me tell dark jokes. And all those types of reactions end up doing are further isolating me in my own mind while pretending to be relatively fine on the outside.",7.18611111111111,5.821955234567902,7.458117283950617,77.65902777777778,64.55555555555556,10.81604938271605,31.978395061728396,9.827888789773867,2.6814172839506174,636,19,132,11,8,208,102,162,0.14800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.092,-0.8939,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,5,1,8,11,2,2,6,0,18,0,0,0,4,25,23,11,2,4,7,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,1,25,5,17,12,5,20,0,0,0,0,15,13,0,8,5,95,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097271006488063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132264836616464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468534522565953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602401490542161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529354701452786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395545452076807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389908620528892,0.0,0.0,0.3109466754612335,0.2838991534320923,0.1322178783879698,0.14995060125341725,0.0,0.0,0.1479369355330935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198795045070886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670518519147278,0.0,0.15493305584368447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361662279443651,0.0,0.08624304870456542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046862638804116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590994829250627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584516701804736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479475534422005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370922502728422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296385117034612,0.12081017431935999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165281400741011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41148369519724426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055257086083452,0.15418011213725247,0.12458261525884777,0.09150547365854028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654322284205604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589626401493971,0.0,0.1245614544062088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,duke1101,2019/03/30,"Every attempt at changing the things I hate about myself has resulted in more pain. All my friends are happy and have relationships that make them happy, I tried many things like changing my appearance and asking people out, trying to make some happiness for myself and every time I just get stood up or they cancel on me, I cant find happiness to be like others who I always compare myself to, im going to end it all when my parents are out of town tomorrow its too much pain to continue.",21.705368421052643,7.776534747368423,18.958157894736846,43.7446052631579,54.15789473684211,21.947368421052627,61.18421052631579,13.816669648895859,7.8925789473684205,391,13,69,7,2,129,69,95,0.114,0.684,0.202,0.8694,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,4,10,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,3,2,15,14,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,14,7,14,12,5,14,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,7,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058197686541755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135477185273751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066044762928167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835283502958736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441964785603741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245087969896993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196197971454652,0.0,0.07571278948258793,0.0,0.08235927716493936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6170644162790818,0.0,0.14307485156662433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653447989186758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159757570404474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346552113504534,0.14692239031802407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653016031604548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30840233713518905,0.0,0.16091240981944904,0.0,0.0,0.10046672097410396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558588086936642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255191086712603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450186430478887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967773205084991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morticiabates,2019/03/31,"My mother makes me want to kill myself  I'm in college, I work 4 days a week, but because I remind her of my biological father I'm a piece of shit.

I'm a piece of shit for leaving my clothes in the washer/dryer too long

I'm a piece of shit for not washing the dishes.

I'm a piece of shit because my dog whose old needs to be coaxed to the bathroom when I'm working or at school and she refuses to so it's my fault the dog shits or pisses in the house.

She tells my younger sister how worthless I am.

I struggle, I don't ask for anything. I cost her what maybe $150-200 a month in groceries and utilities I pay everything else myself.

I come home everyday wanting to die because of how I get treated. I want to swallow all her stupid muscle relaxers drink a handle of  whatever lay down and never wake up again. 

I want to die because my own family treats me like garbage. 

I want to die because I let someone physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse me because it was slightly better than how she treats me.

I made a promise not to kill myself but that promise is easier said then kept. 

I'm sorry.",2.781855115026921,4.206862841409695,4.5591703377386175,84.83736539402841,74.77092511013215,7.1589818893783645,28.029613313754282,7.793537801064563,1.7065293196279985,863,35,177,12,18,293,127,227,0.28800000000000003,0.618,0.094,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,1,4,20.0,0,0,0,3,7,20,9,1,13,0,6,11,7,5,2,26,26,14,5,6,6,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,5,3,2,0,2,2,1,4,12,0,0,4,1,34,8,27,20,6,18,0,1,0,0,14,7,6,2,11,110,39,6,0.0,0.12280271293446787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529123730138488,0.0,0.09689434913691662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790872175090432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166583075231403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892812344921757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684263360008351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227023228762262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153291981485384,0.0,0.0,0.08658233502531243,0.11658699384329982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314969786681412,0.0,0.09770754924028294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054150382910834925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396467023050422,0.0,0.0,0.11959274166106615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933630008611694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974539019800728,0.0,0.10598432472479266,0.0,0.050635850270602634,0.0,0.0,0.09172281451191053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980716734368693,0.06918403166162704,0.0,0.1041256183090809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044500682980362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272867658343963,0.0,0.0,0.0768516645490023,0.07993763228737504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087582901874558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859039929145644,0.0,0.0,0.104894560421164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.531951971269364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781831250315464,0.0,0.0,0.11602240949261265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083525542847803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059054626932443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056633682957949,0.0,0.08313799476462767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091000182717695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,prometeoreportado,2019/03/31,"The only hard part of this is that, in the end, is a very lonely experience I made a promise to myself at the moment I started therapy and medication for the last time in my life, 6 months for now, and it is over, whatever the outcome is, ""glory or death ish"", it will have to end 6 months for now on. 

And well, death is winning by a long shot, almost very obvious what will happens next to me, and I'm very ok with it, the void, unconscious, non-existence, the pain left behind to the ones that cares for me (they deserve it, all I was was a tool of desire, a fast food package, junk and debris after my deed is done) and the promise of it never getting better.

But on this time is rarely the case of somebody doing it together, in our time and age it is a very lonely shamefull experience, all I know I came here to do is to connect with people, and I suck at it, real bad, I'm a game addict geek with a basic bitch attitude. And I'm too broken on the inside for getting good to the other side (thanks, familly, I hope one day never see you again), it is always something that don't stick quite well, it is always return to ground 0. 

I hate, that even in my final moments, I will be alone, I will go with no whitnesses In order do guarantee my exit, and well, the promise of the void relieving unconscious will make it all unimportant at the end, so fuck it, if there is nothing left to me, it's ok, I will leave the places where I feel like shit. ",6.811890331890331,4.819305063973066,7.622291967291968,78.1994696969697,65.7003367003367,10.505916305916307,32.32539682539682,9.04235418022936,2.4920285714285715,1112,33,236,15,14,376,157,297,0.166,0.703,0.131,-0.926,0,5,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,1,1,3,12,27,5,0,24,2,27,7,1,2,6,32,47,14,2,3,3,0,2,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,21,15,1,0,2,1,0,2,4,10,3,2,5,3,23,17,38,35,4,47,0,2,1,1,4,19,4,4,26,167,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181421064881279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851948254926334,0.11224130741961752,0.0,0.0,0.18034933299864173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048657596169501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958467384975594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394935852629425,0.11049306599467802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989134741457248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090277351965032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879578124503651,0.0,0.0,0.0715790657282032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21201835283691367,0.0,0.0,0.05479643170313018,0.07742139142609339,0.0,0.11871686206441615,0.0,0.0,0.13104455157349135,0.0,0.0,0.10018870213198942,0.11324039825530045,0.0,0.06159063356344339,0.0908977767818253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583351288015314,0.0,0.09708054340581346,0.10699548439863364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763842281954776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059558734718754176,0.08833811542124721,0.0,0.11475091240969836,0.2354942463308981,0.0,0.07654675684776631,0.05294536753397072,0.0,0.0,0.09590632130458604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254475370785164,0.07233953738766985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917397103067944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300391575935045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716722632808695,0.0,0.1152554662360793,0.0,0.0,0.1039864114814429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687212720733592,0.08242222907659078,0.11531606389989706,0.0,0.0,0.11735694121768744,0.0,0.07513190025265205,0.0,0.11322627815426782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115267576620298,0.0,0.12335171961885648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635891367571498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112428940316539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834305052023551,0.0,0.0,0.07670666854757363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977490957053813,0.12393348778530792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957876534301293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35767490640459404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29231988812131504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reiyla18,2019/03/31,"I want it to stop. I can't live, I can't die. I'm lost and I'm broken and I feel shattered to the point where all that is keeping me going is hope, even if it might be false. Idk. I can't keep going like this. I am not even allowed to talk about wanting to die coz if I do people call me manipulative and toxic. I just want to die rn. I don't care. I want the pain to stop.",-2.208557993730409,-0.4828970804597663,1.0577638453500526,101.5658934169279,94.51724137931036,3.6234064785788926,13.656217345872516,4.851557810540192,-1.4789218390804602,282,5,77,1,11,100,50,87,0.304,0.601,0.096,-0.9586,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,3,1,22,24,5,3,7,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,1,12,3,7,21,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,4,3,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495029371555001,0.0,0.17468555656491236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334502527412275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632784822406646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663118435227016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474514543263546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701724685502683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045775369828639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370471858977098,0.0,0.15129030295678186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703036332794015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175738763206173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823105424932164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878082749596387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196519852962482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28648435625105234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377110891933502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042269038978504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PaperSpartan42,2019/03/31,"Hi I know one day I will kill myself. My mental stability is hanging by a thread. Since I was about 14 I knew this would be my fate. Last summer I planned on doing it if this one thing didn't go right. My life currently is a time bomb. I'm just waiting for an event to light the fuse. It's weird, knowing how things will end for me, feeling like everything I have could just disappear any moment, I feel like I'm on borrowed time.",0.6016666666666666,2.797832500000002,2.211111111111112,95.24000000000002,85.1111111111111,5.377777777777778,20.11111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.1695777777777776,335,10,76,4,10,109,68,90,0.131,0.795,0.07400000000000001,-0.7184,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,4,0,11,1,0,1,0,12,20,2,1,3,3,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,1,2,0,2,3,3,12,2,7,12,0,15,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,11,46,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625175210207365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834529689152387,0.0,0.0,0.1481829004598939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350837615551245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650282108049767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323576375329488,0.3282960413141853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058381416596646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542069058112259,0.0,0.2525516071680778,0.18729354417270774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229362961366,0.22450842392725312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315545220171828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113967409613813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622266733548024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006845040441808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30529848987890923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679619376201063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322230070639582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tilted7667,2019/03/31,Nobody gives a shit. One day we're here; the next we're gone. Nobody gives a fuck. Dont be fooled. ,-2.6231818181818163,-1.135362863636363,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,109.45454545454544,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-2.9281272727272727,75,0,20,0,4,24,17,22,0.305,0.601,0.094,-0.711,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534338458631505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913383217874799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086930644853233,0.0,0.6406309948432652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551155201534455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262650681679735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427523176775726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NightWillReign,2019/03/31,"What’s the point of it? Everyday just seems like repetitive bullshit. If I died today, would anything matter? Sure, my family would be destroyed by something like that but I feel like I wouldn’t be in a place where I’d care anymore. Hell, they’ll all die too at some point. 

I just can’t find any good reasons to live for. ",1.5456263736263731,3.8990628153846174,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,82.38461538461539,5.560439560439562,21.59340659340659,6.868970318607317,0.4503406593406592,253,8,54,3,7,79,53,65,0.255,0.525,0.22,-0.7013,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,15,10,2,2,4,4,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,6,6,4,2,9,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,6,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726852598160744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018621756265906,0.0,0.0,0.1661097127965967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058049314031233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189878653250912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029121227321205,0.0,0.10206410480402292,0.14420546672448178,0.0,0.0,0.18449208737487527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930664876455706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958489105723656,0.0,0.17824192814938386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108958258945628,0.0,0.3816370079880784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754086745619904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837614840567307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539807177516138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902462314854862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133522217466006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28678442735998344,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZeebaZeeba,2019/03/31,"Does anyone else consider suicide as a means to escape from the world? I'm only 18, and I already feel quite worn mentally/emotionally from existing. Of course, that's what existing does to people. It wears them down. Though I do have a passion for life and its people, I often find myself feeling like so many daily endeavors are redundant and without real meaning. I see people go about their daily lives, and I wonder if they too have ever thought about what it would be like to live in a world that isn't ruled by greed and selfishness. I'm tired of waking up and having to continue the same game everyday. I'm tired of hearing about every single catastrophe and terrible event in the media. 

It's not just that, it's other personal issues as well. For so long, I've dealt with anxiety and depression. Suicidal thoughts are always there for me. There are times where those thoughts are quiet and manageable, and other times where they're extremely loud and horrifying. I'm terrified by the thought of not being enough. I'm scared that I'm a nuisance, and that I'd be better off not taking up much space. Does the world really need me? Do people really need me? I know my family and friends all love me, but why? 

I'm just really tired of it all. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I know that there are things worth continuing existing for, and I always try to look for the moments of sunshine in life. If you've ever felt like this before, what keeps you from acting on the feeling? What keeps you going? 

​",4.302026529108325,6.009746067796612,5.212173913043479,80.53855563743555,71.37288135593221,8.655858511422256,26.046425939572586,9.20300075937882,2.206640383198232,1210,39,224,26,23,395,157,295,0.111,0.79,0.099,-0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,2,3,2,18,14,1,1,11,0,16,9,2,0,4,51,50,22,2,5,9,0,4,3,1,1,5,4,0,1,22,15,0,2,15,1,2,3,6,5,1,0,6,11,20,9,37,40,6,27,0,1,3,2,11,14,0,4,13,147,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351615692244867,0.0,0.15610655939856571,0.10163768499840203,0.11398334997120238,0.0,0.0,0.0717605729676519,0.0,0.0,0.06559064139201444,0.09611431418820927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982115118905651,0.0,0.0,0.08296290497808906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079411436399572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462681791314084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836204586303533,0.10551800613729302,0.0,0.09692564703666984,0.0,0.0,0.16970399704499464,0.07903476347848483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884310113892566,0.0,0.14229188894020306,0.06701431515395778,0.09006751651657689,0.0,0.08573607622222297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724735150767896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662309349199957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572505949848464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790805514011644,0.0,0.16675639913458246,0.0,0.0,0.15465833454144198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325145000088622,0.13748516322845966,0.0,0.16566307807835756,0.08301447859274892,0.07877257979180219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846626804641552,0.0,0.0,0.09510355298270827,0.0,0.20436230320711413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895747288036426,0.13911044695846822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134293421092892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26013032051759405,0.08190691316353141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977317075267916,0.0,0.10677063355560773,0.18028166690891514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459750596696334,0.09391517559598744,0.0,0.07475044494572733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521490317192076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052969046592099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623198779213808,0.0,0.09216294229209744,0.2978827871257086,0.10939690692007784,0.32344516597006184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737488333988534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434196607893903,0.0,0.08464442763683509,0.0,0.0,0.09042467851245407,0.10172752774223286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663638498902512,0.0,0.11398334997120238,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway9761315,2019/03/31,"Living just hurts too much Every single day I'm in pain. From the second I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. There is no break. There is no relief. It's always there. Even when I'm happy, even when I can push it to the back of my mind and pretend it doesn't exist, even when I block it out with alcohol or sex or causing myself physical pain to try and make it stop for just one minute it never goes away.

I feel like the whole world, the entire universe, simply exists to cause me pain. Every time I think that maybe life isn't so bad, maybe it's starting to get bearable, maybe I can learn to live with it one day, another bad thing happens. To me, or to someone I'm close to, or even just something that happens inside my head. It probably sounds narcissistic, but I wouldn't feel this way without a good reason. I am an optimist. I try to be an optimist. I try my fucking hardest to see the best in the shittiest of situations - I trust too much, let people into my heart, open myself up to everything life could possibly try to throw at me in the hopes that one day, something might be good enough to make me feel better. To make me feel okay. To make it so that I don't spend every single day suffering.

Everyone makes it sound so simple. ""Just go and get help, this isn't the answer, people care about you, there's always an alternative"" but I have tried. I have fucking tried time and time again. I have been to doctors. I have been to counsellors. I have been to my family, my friends, my partners, my social workers, ""mental health specialists"". Nothing has ever worked. Nothing has ever helped. It's been 10 years since I first started feeling this way. Nothing has changed. I've been sent to therapy where we've talked in circles and I've sat there for an hour every week staring at the ceiling wanting to leave. I've been given medication after medication with the promise that ""this one is different, it might work for you this time, just try it"". I've spoken to my boyfriend, my soulmate, the most important person in my life who I love so much it fucking hurts. I've told him how I feel. I regret it. I hate it. I hate thinking that I could be causing him the same pain I suffer through every day. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves the fucking world. More than I could ever give him. I hate myself so fucking much because he makes me feel things I've never felt before, he makes me happier than I've ever been in my entire life, but it still isn't enough to stop me waking up every morning wishing I was dead. Nothing is enough.

Sometimes I think I can imagine a future, a life where I could be happy, with him. But it would never work. I would never stop feeling like this and I would never stop hating myself for it. I think I'd just be in even more pain knowing that I was dragging him down with me, destroying the beautiful person I adore so much until he's just as broken as me. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. 

I've attempted suicide multiple times. I don't know if I've ever been serious enough about it. I hate my optimism. Part of me always holds out hope that things will somehow get better when the world shows me so much evidence that they never will. I could tell you right now without looking anything up what the most and least effective methods are, which ones are most painful, how you would carry each one out properly. I have researched it extensively and obsessively. Even when I'm not actively suicidal and making plans, it's always there in the back of my mind. I'm always thinking well, if things start to go really wrong for me, that's my backup plan. I spend so much time fantasising about getting into some sort of tragic accident, so that I can finally be free without causing the people I love all the pain of knowing I did it to myself, without being thought of as selfish. 

I think I'm getting there though. To that point where I'm finally ready to do it, for real this time. I'm just so, so, so fucking tired. I'm hurting and I'm tired and I'm just done. Life is too much for me. I know how I'd do it. I know how I'm going to do it. I guess I'm just waiting for the right time.",3.0973698056480217,4.671917020383691,4.26222878413687,86.67534253194462,74.2398081534772,6.945531336125129,25.27749740506103,7.597987921366045,1.2455342567736856,3241,107,657,41,67,1060,304,834,0.163,0.695,0.142,-0.96,1,0,4,0,0,1,105.0,0,4,1,12,67,54,12,1,28,1,67,34,5,18,12,141,150,48,3,19,26,0,9,2,2,9,20,2,0,3,55,25,1,7,26,2,3,7,22,32,1,8,19,14,96,23,87,108,27,93,0,7,3,9,30,32,6,18,53,462,151,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094523201548752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939854223323985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040174802419441116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03152855531789045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0359965767738132,0.0589210767884209,0.06397995738672406,0.02335541275145931,0.0,0.03260176942707392,0.0,0.04020741135153619,0.06776994465263292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390629304884992,0.15743312172332188,0.040530357714907664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529501358364106,0.0,0.0,0.12354444241480697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002921082147068,0.0,0.03921525358844896,0.0,0.03920777556474479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835139178963334,0.0,0.15183331427008426,0.17328272331633185,0.1936834859381593,0.03660996975016165,0.034433495104085506,0.0,0.03611833957001052,0.0,0.15497871714341008,0.05474201307340032,0.036786745901319286,0.08394062539378536,0.0,0.03258924645295723,0.0,0.0,0.02960073605687355,0.21251999509019104,0.10008550685320447,0.0367535781067054,0.08709725324292468,0.06427070339705447,0.0,0.0,0.04220638452058117,0.0,0.06776059327173391,0.08157037309868467,0.0,0.1891321021831559,0.03932046666521647,0.04072521260534952,0.0,0.04540140741967781,0.05136115227959852,0.0,0.0,0.07610744060073782,0.037730851666103765,0.0,0.1230454384222254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527985142586767,0.0,0.0,0.040568219142075486,0.0,0.03917791265129922,0.16237076679590198,0.03743585523759757,0.0,0.1014939535505676,0.0,0.032173495938006565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915844100100729,0.0,0.20459523283973985,0.0,0.11547248301487938,0.0,0.0,0.07719317412606266,0.0386107630805656,0.0812886461646772,0.07737095821798225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531728471764345,0.0,0.17729732675687898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470504570356923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557723729760883,0.0,0.2853761313838629,0.0,0.0,0.041489535980024465,0.0,0.0796847884693388,0.06690733615495427,0.0,0.0,0.03621842249658279,0.043192453346257084,0.0,0.0,0.04130818332995241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043608887179764924,0.024544460747302942,0.0393924208894894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543864359483037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03053071440826197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031693131465213374,0.043065718844529824,0.038340937695125935,0.03905555213937033,0.03246270790861824,0.05899085152541505,0.03789280202726978,0.0,0.08135498552341391,0.0,0.030597025564395964,0.12812643145020186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381699407421614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03079475378753705,0.0334874852294344,0.0,0.04381456134802096,0.0,0.10181453213592856,0.14729757187014594,0.03764259158842627,0.03041645540529972,0.17872619887408578,0.08807093162798448,0.0,0.03660996975016165,0.0,0.18208535963909372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02259815831235506,0.06082257809877933,0.03073259281833035,0.0,0.03444822945009898,0.0,0.0,0.04277539582349142,0.04405836774015184,0.1477304937583754,0.0,0.08367754691759835,0.0,0.0,0.10886658618693397,0.041889544380409545,0.0,0.024672488642411824
suicidewatch,SuplexPrincess,2019/03/31,"Feeling “passively” suicidal For the last couple years, when asked about suicidal ideation, I always say that I am not actively suicidal, just passively. In the same vein as aggression vs passive aggression. That I’m not actively thinking about doing it, but it sits there in my brain all the time. Although lately it feels a lot more active than it has been in a long long time. Maybe the whole active vs passive thing is just some cynical way to talk about it without making it seem to be a serious issue. I wonder if other people feel this weird phenomena, I’m sure I’m not the only one. I guess technically at the moment it’s more active than passive, but I wonder if the difference even means anything anymore.",7.015223880597013,7.487977201492541,7.497723880597018,71.14121268656717,64.29850746268656,10.87910447761194,34.660447761194035,10.686352973137794,3.927540298507463,571,24,96,14,8,188,85,134,0.16399999999999998,0.688,0.14800000000000002,0.4007,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,10,0,6,2,2,1,2,27,20,7,3,2,12,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,12,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,4,6,1,14,18,7,15,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,8,9,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311010289951603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673123438790706,0.0,0.0,0.12175405229801277,0.0,0.13831760477938926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516629638852398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370898174716114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458109572943213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772263640494512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443091637769905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298870330138265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442619181961126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060276906642035,0.16689926484128415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618703798502112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578573382353614,0.0,0.0,0.09876086308083537,0.0,0.14864031028614128,0.16116596428452878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025788503305476,0.11252616168980224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257310983467656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176594586546822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469233654988313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4855150470936873,0.0,0.1394454859250007,0.0,0.0,0.11892032556990252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829448055412024,0.09480335148051013,0.0,0.0,0.17254706682034915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743949699047347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651860584048492,0.0,0.14262298162502654,0.32090096550227915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952779295531429
suicidewatch,penta7,2019/03/31,"It’s honestly sad seeing what our world has come to. Pretenders for the attention to feel wanted. 
Our world is so cruel and evil and disgusting it’s ridiculous it’s so full of hate and violence and ugliness. I always wished to end this planet but then I realized that’s wrong some people don’t deserve to have there happiness taken away from them they should have the choice to ended it. 

We are our own enemies we do “fuked” up shit in the real world then come on here and pretend to be better to make ourself feel better promise false hopes to others that wanna end it. 

Telling them it’s gonna get better when it truly won’t if it does then your truly in luck but please don’t go around spreading false hopes I once had the motivation to end it everything was down I finally had the “guts” to do it but then got people messaging me telling me it’s gonna get better don’t do it.


It doesn’t usually get better we are slaves to our own community forced to go to school/uni/work and all for what exactly?.

And if you don’t wanna do that then your an outcast a “loser” is what society puts it.


If you read this far thank you, It doesn’t usually get better but through out time it gets easier to coop with your emotions therefore it gets easier. 


It’s funny the Poets we became when were broken.",2.710155990706937,4.627515412213743,4.075509459010957,86.13236807168937,76.17557251908397,7.457285097909062,22.84168602721541,8.321376580360154,1.3344352472618648,1026,30,207,19,23,338,136,262,0.158,0.62,0.222,0.975,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,8,6,3,8,7,22,6,0,8,0,24,2,2,3,2,42,48,23,0,10,7,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,27,16,0,0,5,3,0,5,7,9,0,0,6,3,23,13,30,37,5,33,0,2,1,0,20,13,1,7,15,142,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866854045601165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274153733396788,0.0,0.0,0.0978797477285394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528279920497098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948223886315384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116788267593884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171875299235138,0.3690872457132078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362950914409293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535222441155152,0.0,0.0,0.11412317467499553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32657585937564937,0.0,0.11841483189962647,0.0,0.08332158910552799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109006502366964,0.0,0.10285534963715162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694681977882665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954039651689825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094740257194532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444942069889471,0.0,0.0,0.1143574303916224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047288276452547,0.0,0.0,0.10420734974152958,0.1185786888208471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543486913034783,0.08301730031247646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693840795790152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182114350868204,0.09591417120612557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060747704456033814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294772470715552,0.0,0.061447566212796775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980088959110365,0.0,0.0,0.07584366734187029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390355427910336,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ballsackthefifth,2019/03/31,"I think a decent job would prevent my suicide That's all I need. A job that pays maybe $18-20 with potential to move up. I think if I had that, everything else would fall into place. I'd have the confidence and financial ability to go out and socialize, I'd start making friends. 

I have a college degree and I can't get anything above $12-13/hour working retail or warehouse. The other alternatives are ubereats/grubhub. Suicide is by far the better option than working some gig economy job for the next 40 years IMO",3.307549019607844,5.396185637254902,4.563333333333336,82.5316666666667,74.98039215686273,7.670588235294117,29.96078431372549,8.515128840125781,2.4850313725490207,413,19,77,8,9,136,76,102,0.092,0.778,0.13,0.1779,4,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,1,1,18,15,5,2,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,9,12,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,3,42,11,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577115674073265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666596716317166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479777703934014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920204276219094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685795279491034,0.0,0.09254835789253864,0.0,0.1006727649439533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444725382199813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273524592486973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824234988720345,0.0,0.17796097591624788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827182509252235,0.0,0.1313470925409699,0.0,0.0,0.18839043844123524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850736358209659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805719594539587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538062957850632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38752489790728295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270083655924077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579201126179052,0.0,0.0,0.2516703990854767,0.0,0.0,0.11407237574999685
suicidewatch,jacketslut322,2019/03/31,"i've been making some of my worst decisions I have really bad hardcore depression and anxiety along with adhd. ive fallen into some hardcore drugs and i know what im doing is wrong but can't get myself to stop. i need them to feel numb, my meds do nothing. if this is what i need to do to stop feeling like shit all the time i dont see a point in living at all........",2.025864978902952,3.0153245189873417,4.182974683544305,88.52399789029535,75.96202531645571,7.2919831223628675,22.02742616033755,7.793537801064563,0.8063400843881858,283,7,64,4,6,98,58,79,0.3,0.642,0.057,-0.9594,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,10,3,1,1,2,20,18,4,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,3,10,1,10,17,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,3,4,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527823590427941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090605786850412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562133067502533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116163101356325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651160286016674,0.0,0.24392236664043224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270386573187786,0.15026370089104013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989160113752387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271983999810608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155948728688364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027592855688386,0.0,0.18573007241711093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040055866205356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23363528902698816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31192216983137594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182255502984828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883500438592053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474628721890058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761013635656868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590633605420306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35169974012199023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226483032922012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996881604627575,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hyppocritamus,2019/03/31,"I cheated on my wife. She wants a divorce, and I'm not going to begrudge her it.

We have a semi-open relationship (at my behest), and she's been sleeping around, but the fact that I've been dodgy about it on my end is the final nail in the coffin.

I don't feel happiness, joy, or anything else positive.  I can't even dredge up memories of what they feel like.  The Internet tells me this is likely ""alexithymia"", literally ""no words for emotioms"".

It is usually looked at as not being able to describe or put emotions into words, but recent research shows that people with it may not even have those emotions.

I remember talking to my ~~wife~~ ex about my youth, and spankings.  I argued that I was unpunishable, and that was the only thing that worked.  She countered with if I had any investment in anything, I'd have something they can punish me with.  I've gotten her frustrated enough to hit me, and it's not hard to connect the dots.

The fact that I'm more pissed about her punting my laptop than remorseful about the affair just cements it.

I've got 3 emotions I feel.  Angry, sad, and a safe ""neutral"" state where I can emulate everything else, but it swings into angry fairly easily.  Never physically violent, but I can be right nasty.  I've had to bite my tongue because someone was discounting and refuting my self-loathing. 

Every scrap of forward motion I've had in life, every piece of inspiration has been towards figuring out what's wrong with me.  If I have an answer to that, there's a way to fix it, after all.  This has been nearly 2/3 of my life.

I have a doctor's appointment coming up, and a referral to a therapist in the works.  If I have this, that means, definitively, the only emotions I have are Angry and Sad.  And that's the scrap of hope I'd been hanging onto for 20 years gone.

TL;DR, if I have alexithymia, I'm killing myself to prevent another 30 joyless years.",5.01969863013699,6.078694312328771,5.815780821917808,79.37052054794523,68.89041095890411,8.689315068493151,30.49041095890411,8.954980946260402,2.5417638356164383,1484,58,275,26,25,486,193,365,0.194,0.731,0.075,-0.9947,0,0,1,0,2,1,63.0,1,0,2,2,10,17,7,0,19,0,33,5,2,0,4,54,49,21,2,6,15,3,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,24,20,0,2,8,1,2,7,8,10,0,0,14,5,38,7,45,31,4,37,0,2,1,0,18,20,1,8,12,194,62,5,0.11564565598914615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864301173113998,0.1212645536351174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033304246115967,0.10294915213320716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049651850681192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961849266846147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836822923091687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932142125049412,0.5203431900321475,0.10242772575713607,0.11949287666924023,0.0,0.1527657302013468,0.0,0.1948729058541993,0.0,0.10393485872809967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542175529385134,0.08261727974574068,0.0,0.12668416342110272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572409135381985,0.0,0.0924923955262472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310695122268125,0.10359579264450476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486223026567498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794478402257686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336789374699068,0.11299725205715885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711322492816142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259720220579534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919305922737786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590746514517458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017413671682506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625582581360545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418613369338927,0.12416015535376633,0.13100398446237904,0.09876075833760173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064364057708485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572917389884635,0.0,0.0979861890352652,0.08902967591600736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295159770448402,0.1010794006231342,0.0,0.0,0.13427351999155535,0.07682983517958178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736735177683053,0.0,0.06821080417802777,0.0917941388619796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683828297864274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644037046491266,0.0,0.1489440217304842
suicidewatch,LumpyPeak,2019/03/31,"Since no one cares. As a kid I always dreamed I'd do something honorable and become a legend in history, being a cute little kid who was kind hearted and helped any neighbor in need, I had a pretty nice life. When my dad got back from a tour in Iraq, when we moved and I got into middle school, he began drinking, alot. There was a point where he abused me and my brother, and he carried guns around the house threatening all our lives. The stress got to the point where I was pulling my hair out, until my mom got me out of there. 

Now I'm a junior, and I just got out of my first real relationship, 5 months. Being that angry spiteful ex, I can call her manipulative, crazy, abusive, cheating, but would anyone really believe me? None of my friends did, they all took her side. I dropped out to get an alternative graduation, which I passed, and now I've spent every single day in bed sleeping or crying. Seeing those clothes we bought at the mall together, the month old coffee cup from when we went to the coffee shop together, now she says she's never loved me, and already has another. She won, and ruined my life, I'm back to where I started only worse. 

I've always been a skinny kid, when I lived with my dad we were poor and lived off food stamps. I was around 70 pounds and 5'1, so I was skinny, didn't make much of it. Now I'm a 5'11 junior and I'm 110 pounds. My ex told me I had disordered eating, I guess that's another reason I'm no good for being on this planet any more.

I've thought about it, and I'm thinking I just won't eat, until something happens to me, eventually.. I'm in so much pain right now that I'm thinking about immediate action, ODing in the tub

I don't think anyone cares about me any more.. I'm crazy, I'm worthless, I'm pathetic, my ex said it herself. 

If you're here helping people, I respect you, infinitely, you are a great human being and you've lived up to my dreams. Thank you, for saving even just one life, but I don't think you can save mine. I lost my happiness, I've been beaten down so many times, I have no where else to go.",4.271876252723313,4.579957644705885,5.264183006535949,85.35697167755994,70.2,7.99041394335512,26.093681917211327,7.793537801064563,1.2569930283224404,1609,44,346,18,27,530,222,425,0.153,0.731,0.116,-0.9269,0,1,3,1,1,0,63.0,5,4,1,5,30,24,3,1,19,0,26,14,5,3,3,51,68,28,0,3,7,7,1,0,2,2,4,2,2,4,10,26,6,0,6,5,4,7,9,8,0,4,27,4,56,16,40,35,9,59,0,3,1,1,41,28,0,4,23,210,66,5,0.0,0.2006334475021015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343230156595764,0.0,0.14089969689541154,0.0,0.0,0.17272968897975896,0.17756177077985452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184024749109342,0.0,0.0,0.15074342175917746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020761896448102,0.0,0.0,0.09350821137063857,0.0,0.09539088062274488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645462295062739,0.0,0.1726475972917747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930028847884743,0.05460330516664197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703588512862933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294157046953529,0.0,0.1732712561309766,0.07072853666588118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055921851761084856,0.0,0.07133572260655031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201783157703802,0.1023798496479004,0.0,0.06541362737483095,0.0,0.044235089548702936,0.0,0.048118290522044194,0.07101478549478428,0.33858025781235224,0.09334582793875226,0.09327040734944936,0.0,0.07487087804942306,0.09012975184892864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033097628172187,0.11350120720999607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769451945451793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816780416825874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794087284746144,0.0,0.08485872366976296,0.29905056620210074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242419202865687,0.0,0.07641540535971962,0.0,0.0565159777527635,0.08583919753639402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916113871282356,0.13516101715993248,0.08998777754798926,0.12448018923676507,0.06277961633050214,0.06530052295965938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884392772490092,0.0,0.11474529936883,0.0643931801756277,0.09009181337415743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058697538808500586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007564060188412,0.0,0.0,0.08613692639868982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636974873622384,0.05423994208642048,0.08705192791512396,0.0,0.09090082956662192,0.0,0.07230528051400625,0.08053784492126523,0.06733071320253158,0.0,0.0856876724406985,0.06746875388342519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003753852687022,0.0,0.08472829211989119,0.0,0.0,0.1303618117060785,0.0,0.0,0.059927842085733235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698593027736747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795013312503793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700515511997925,0.0,0.06721625692424038,0.049370094010527985,0.0,0.0,0.08090308682999173,0.0940683150912158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848729306718337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628305561979954,0.06014511166816387,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,irishwill90,2019/03/31,A Dream Everyday all i think about is how i want to die.how i am but a failure how i cannot even help those i love.i want to die but  i cannot suicide it would hurt my father and sister too much if it happened that way.so everyday i look for and hope for a way to die that wont hurt them as much that while making them sad would view it as a accident  or even a way that would give them pride.The worst part is i dont want help my whole life ive wanted to die.Even when dreaming off my future as a child i wanted something that would allow me to die but as a hero for some cause now i just want oblivion,3.5705970149253723,3.1877876641791048,4.503694029850745,92.6068843283582,71.61194029850745,7.5955223880597025,24.212686567164177,6.6274283507984215,0.4715701492537314,473,10,117,3,8,154,74,134,0.304,0.5539999999999999,0.142,-0.9877,0,0,1,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,3,1,9,6,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,5,1,27,24,15,4,12,6,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,18,2,14,19,7,9,0,3,2,0,9,1,0,4,6,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164159305170753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880669818430089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328159860742405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224550162897836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871160905120453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021287047818728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191863744064749,0.0,0.0,0.11255723598467407,0.0,0.0,0.2426333849447363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800447567763024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516440826709524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228018315474756,0.0,0.07564527765718443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661374096413858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271986694959144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872430756266772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395909134600586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261404590708212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40105191575049975,0.2698561883919484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652324881874666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220111446546212,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheJeffyWoods,2019/03/31,"Sometimes I really want to kill myself. I don't have a bad life, I have caring friends, caring parents, brother, nice things in my room and somewhat good grades in school, but I don't feel like it.

I'm not from U.S.A, but for you to understand this is my last year of high school and I haven't been wanting to go, to do anything, to live pretty much. I haven't been diagnosed with depression but very deep in my heart I take pity on everything I do, every mistake, every action, thinking it wasn't good enough, and that's killing me. I haven't done my bed in like two weeks, and although that may sound ridiculous, that's the sign for me that something isn't right.

I've tried to kill myself, I think, 4 or 5 times(?) and the last one I almost did it but I didn't felt brave enough, and that was like year and a half ago, I was 16, now I'm almost 18.

Last year was pretty good, but those damn demons in my head came back, they came back to tell me all I do is wrong and I'm not worthy at all, but you know something? I love a lot of things, I love drawing, playing WoW, playing music (I play bass, guitar and drums) and I think I would miss doing those things, I remember how much fun I had doing those things.

Sorry if this post I a little messy, but I needed to spit it out somehow. Not a lot of people know about this, and I think the only who knows about my suicide attemps is a close friend of mine, not even my best friends know about it.

I'm skipping school tomorrow to clear my thoughts (or at least I'll try to skip) and if that doesn't do it, 6th is the charm.",3.0446663142592882,3.755768249240123,3.7254737676754353,93.83037267080748,73.19452887537993,6.572802960222018,23.11893749174045,6.280692351149826,0.26878422095942955,1210,29,282,7,23,383,162,329,0.182,0.627,0.191,0.1149,1,0,2,0,0,3,51.0,0,2,1,1,9,33,5,0,10,0,31,7,3,1,3,62,59,25,4,7,15,2,2,3,3,2,2,1,2,0,23,17,0,0,13,5,0,4,13,11,0,3,14,3,41,22,30,43,11,33,1,3,0,2,12,15,1,11,16,183,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606220304258941,0.0,0.1718454449297303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061136224493975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195966180563565,0.07164476617941112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004853090314657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19627934232948746,0.17497070241636895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390493310100654,0.08709169746617411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780974628575942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732191302313555,0.0,0.05667432293613065,0.0,0.14459119834437462,0.0,0.07711726628889584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043386297858134734,0.06130011470823282,0.0823876075024807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888145289448653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876575882772562,0.2159110308202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806212930924262,0.0,0.0,0.10168100610438836,0.0,0.09065918068942842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847962300758898,0.0,0.1886278302617204,0.20983102377851987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060607603258985385,0.1257620294592677,0.08600056253063394,0.07576862992475494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589907848848244,0.1548872658636032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615516514180286,0.06362436395922802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814464245225043,0.06525963953678585,0.0,0.0,0.09527786109545776,0.0,0.0,0.05948735897018315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217881936392732,0.17459192890469338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496978188376042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720193280986596,0.07327820322090868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605219963189209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321159293281962,0.08486473114437519,0.0960532481931832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385828293087237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451573974850612,0.0,0.07499858228093005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280238576732268,0.21992512502301012,0.0,0.0681207029366158,0.05003440628707664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651383651007302,0.0,0.08382039203078995,0.08932749639900586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079927261378463,0.10122168469652323,0.0,0.0688287243846527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095441002694424,0.09381583655506637,0.0,0.16576953959177498
suicidewatch,Williswe90,2019/03/31,I want to die Everyday all i think about is how i want to die.how i am but a failure how i cannot even help those i love.i want to die but  i cannot suicide it would hurt my father and sister too much if it happened that way.so everyday i look for and hope for a way to die that wont hurt them as much that while making them sad would view it as a accident  or even a way that would give them pride.The worst part is i dont want help my whole life ive wanted to die.Even when dreaming off my future as a child i wanted something that would allow me to die but as a hero for some cause now i just want oblivion.,2.6451879084967302,2.863926933823532,3.8386274509803933,94.45604575163401,73.77941176470588,6.9267973856209135,22.464052287581698,6.42735559955562,0.1708424836601301,477,10,119,3,9,156,73,136,0.313,0.55,0.13699999999999998,-0.9893,0,0,1,0,0,4,6.0,0,0,3,1,9,6,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,5,1,28,25,15,5,13,6,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,19,2,15,20,7,9,0,3,2,0,9,1,0,4,6,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582199126421056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6414629208111746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072962914671112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041159252948334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881876897979594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910934221562465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809392454031005,0.0,0.0,0.1023144409033162,0.0,0.0,0.22055356022139694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276062231951429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650437389088457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297260778855364,0.0,0.06876149918539913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514517623360699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111552264630827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930388861578493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112678718653651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600611185692629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425315196634158,0.2452990676084264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150095358233908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927078827207561,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ARoyalBandit,2019/03/31,"It's been nearly ten years since I fought in Afghanistan. I've been through homelessness, two abusive relationships, multiple mental breakdowns. But after losing my job a week ago, I think I've come to the end of my rope. As the title said, I was in the British Army, I fought in Afghan, got out after it. I was a mess, but I kept fighting. I wouldn't let what happened over there, be my downfall. Despite a PTSD diagnosis, I still kept fighting, still tried to better myself. 

Last week, I lost my job, no explanation why, just a 'services no longer required' type affair. And it has tipped me over the edge. My lass doesn't know about what's going on in my head. 
I am really struggling here. I'm giving myself a month, if it doesn't improve, then that's it. I give up. No more fighting, no more trying to continue on with this struggle, just no more nothing. 

I don't know what else to do. 
I'm so sorry.",2.180784313725489,4.2709290000000015,3.289411764705882,90.33794117647058,78.44444444444444,5.790849673202615,23.366013071895427,6.794906146795322,0.6709640522875815,700,23,145,7,17,225,110,180,0.261,0.703,0.037000000000000005,-0.9891,2,0,0,0,6,0,33.0,0,0,0,4,8,11,5,2,9,0,13,1,1,0,0,16,30,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,3,3,0,0,2,9,10,0,2,11,1,21,1,22,16,3,26,0,2,0,0,10,11,0,1,13,97,31,5,0.0,0.18015360775560046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478256813273484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447528742102058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097704532979185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270177152441076,0.0,0.13467058695786924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29171916872492937,0.08641314541023955,0.0,0.12160774929429992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344567315605927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604649180212113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017710219764999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712468458049254,0.12394050802058328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548075452454765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010432171717338,0.16597981887027635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322997501082558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136433467317766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589544507248536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777375448635855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740670235177147,0.0,0.0,0.16324409113522684,0.0,0.0,0.14463374381557215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577678748011722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702067906410652,0.0,0.0,0.2428536029114557,0.0,0.0,0.31790997279277344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742707929100032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064630457657413,0.0,0.1485301141419304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439296224083668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372008819852364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791479153735133
suicidewatch,reynard_muldrake85,2019/03/31,"Nothing is worth all of this. 33/M. Constantly disappointed, with nothing to aspire to. Ever since I quit school several years ago, I've just lost the urge to do anything worthwhile. I don't think it'll be long until I actually take that final step...",2.8968750000000014,5.494069937500001,4.379000000000001,80.76600000000002,78.79166666666666,7.173333333333334,26.266666666666666,8.238735603445708,2.051786666666666,199,8,36,4,5,66,41,48,0.152,0.7959999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.5670000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,6,5,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,20,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.2383291251886163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21649141268942387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009770024117256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639212986281208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091619454631564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675373974816383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613212443186336,0.0,0.0,0.2666012820721263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686824334373768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597641727278544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471695216268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759056082348309,0.0,0.20202608380552686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836273875874556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564900144144864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572733910384908
suicidewatch,graciegrinch,2019/03/31,i have a plan idk. i don’t want to do this anymore,-4.412307692307691,-3.1654364615384587,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,105.92307692307692,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.8089692307692309,38,1,12,0,2,14,11,13,0.14400000000000002,0.722,0.134,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8594795977554051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111700510028019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hungryyyfordeathv2,2019/03/31,"oof: an update so, it was day three of VSED but my parents forced me to eat. they didn't care why i was trying to kill myself, just forced me to eat ""or else."" i could still die this way but it'll take so much longer and i'll have to see myself get skinnier and more lifeless every day, and i would prefer getting hit by a fucking car so much more than feeling even more trapped in my own skin.",2.671785714285715,3.4352778452380965,3.3557142857142885,95.93928571428572,74.11904761904762,5.6000000000000005,22.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.2562238095238092,305,7,72,0,6,96,61,84,0.282,0.696,0.022,-0.9837,1,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,3,2,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,0,11,15,9,2,3,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,3,10,1,8,8,6,7,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,1,4,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979052117436013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211709233679373,0.0,0.0,0.2780528449553033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237302105875021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411689509377002,0.18008315411910433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423835968343328,0.0,0.18162912077537788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899992840370916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929329373875204,0.2252554576748137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23849902096911216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31694116914924525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393677393683465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717833646298782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721564693453745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208368449627916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635957047045256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111140885135034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452064248156573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313651214381102,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beyondphilosophy1996,2019/03/31,"I think tonight's the night, and I just want to leech a little more attention off of everyone before I go I'm not special, millions and millions of people go through what I go through, but it gives me no comfort.  I would love it if it was just me who felt like this, then I could feel sorry for myself, then I wouldn't have to accept what a fucking pussy I am.  I am not a good person and I don't deserve the life I was given.  I can remember back in high school telling myself ""you are going to kill yourself eventually, and any happiness you feel is delaying the inevitable"". I was right.  If I choose tonight to try again tomorrow, I'll be kicking the car down the road again, so I think tonight is the night.  I'm not gonna say goodbye to anyone I know, because they'll talk me out of it or call the police or some other bullshit.  I just thought I'd come here and say goodbye to some random people, because even right before I'm about to die, I cannot stop being an attention seeking waste of life.  This has been long overdue. Goodbye ",4.764034833091436,4.905820396226421,5.408679245283018,85.33080551523949,69.09433962264151,8.032510885341074,31.402031930333816,7.61054688173877,1.917400870827286,812,32,170,8,13,263,122,212,0.149,0.7559999999999999,0.095,-0.9166,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,1,0,10,9,2,0,11,0,20,4,0,0,0,39,41,13,2,6,11,0,3,1,0,4,2,2,0,1,10,7,0,2,12,0,0,6,7,2,0,2,7,5,26,7,19,27,3,29,0,0,0,2,12,9,1,7,15,115,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628037797867453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899718258079374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108867550595826,0.0,0.17261372113318707,0.0,0.24095111468247454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457069583444251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196005616589906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304142802143215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693940127026256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935133454467505,0.0,0.0,0.13528733523996414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317587397861425,0.0,0.1359405882906304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088995528253727,0.0,0.13581802106154714,0.3218564609139993,0.11875197187983495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507163005918897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958878805281944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663912018282794,0.0,0.07780957291723566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000661487016785,0.06916964329779686,0.14190200951505372,0.0,0.12529530615470258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277829680852883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26572957762813804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630978054603945,0.12362363692431495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038441131770512,0.2418199133754613,0.0,0.2251828236941871,0.0,0.1432881898780598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848906725703982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836860015861662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379796835992427,0.1237486037681808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143961077288387,0.0,0.11240001637013183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961246476219178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350852623678721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100575542962837,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helenafizzy9,2019/03/31,"what's the point literally planning on suicide . gotten to the point where if i killed myself i'm pretty sure no one would even notice. not that it matters, anyways. just kind of a crappy thing to think about. i'll die and have literally made no impact. ",2.7906122448979573,5.299474591836738,3.885061224489796,84.66351020408162,78.59183673469387,5.5526530612244915,22.044897959183675,6.742157984588678,0.6723355102040816,201,6,37,2,5,65,42,49,0.355,0.5579999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9499,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,6,2,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723311103328959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733135767282531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903081484761057,0.27325056326748265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482904444060517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987456068988498,0.0,0.0,0.1778099045372196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4961080677068177,0.0,0.0,0.2669564460475157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870244208943421,0.0,0.2473101096466956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432775684527302,0.16813615079751862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864023471623224,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cloud-head,2019/03/31,"I don't know if I can do this anymore I can't. I don't have the effort.

I was falsely accused of rape 2 years ago and it ruined my life. I was proven innocent.

I just opened up to a girl who was so understanding it blew me off my feet. She knows everything about me and I couldn't imagine anything would go wrong. She was so open. After the first date we spent days in bed together and talked, shared everything together. I've not been able to be naked around someone since the verdict. 

A few days ago she told me her fantasy is being with 2 guys at once. Fair enough. I told her I don't think I could be involved in that if I had feelings for someone. In turn she asked if I had 2 who would be up for it instead?

Heart crushed. But fair, nothing promised, it's fine, I'm not going to be a r/niceguy.

Thought I should bring it up in conversation that if that's something she needs to do to answer the questions about life then I shouldn't stand in the way of her getting those answers.

She was so honest and said yes, that's an answer she needs. In which case, I'm alone again. I can't do this anymore. I am not blaming this beautiful person but I don't think I can ever love again. Therefore, what's the point of living?",1.4370442708333329,3.3140525742187528,2.674687500000001,94.88489583333336,79.8984375,5.672916666666668,23.166666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.4381541666666666,953,32,217,9,24,306,136,256,0.063,0.838,0.099,0.8575,0,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,11,8,1,0,10,1,33,6,2,1,1,41,55,14,0,12,10,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,3,17,9,0,0,12,1,1,3,11,3,0,1,13,2,35,5,26,31,2,32,0,1,0,2,26,15,0,5,12,146,52,0,0.1361419786864139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136329953711594,0.0,0.0,0.14100203164660347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700325208319373,0.0,0.0,0.11203324841055637,0.12119522480653233,0.1272743722555787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869829200747183,0.0,0.0,0.17560062701569848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067105702793375,0.0,0.0,0.12314821399723587,0.0,0.0,0.24471126391577416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688374750326125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158022975225016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112856481069962,0.0,0.15474524776123805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480196311094794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132890024147076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964014213144586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232221148570053,0.0,0.0,0.12021586141677795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228734511022161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189510429445545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063190031908398,0.0,0.0,0.14498676410750916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887392454806163,0.0,0.0,0.1286981748350415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251017368430328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295021979302009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261805162179067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070531348715806,0.10480874648809108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942576550164301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744685655401817,0.0,0.10808152387042376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26017898974238474,0.0,0.0,0.14808337865750484,0.0,0.14172860111730934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806316579377824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342271110927148,0.14884988176773378,0.0,0.08767097068394633
suicidewatch,mnm32206,2019/03/31,"No more cries for help. I'm keeping my secret. I haven't drank in 4 months. I'm an alcoholic and addict, have been for 20 years. I see my son 4 hrs a week. Just found out I can now see whenever I want. I can't find anyone to supervise. Was planing on this for the summer. I am depressed I gave up. My bf controls all aspects of my life. I wanted to drink the last few days. I feel bitter, anger, guilt, shame, self pity, overwhelming panic, and soul cushing depression. I don't want my son to be devastated. I'm tired. I know people have it worse than me
 My pain is real. I've prayed every day since I was a child. Please help me god. Get me through this. I'm sick of getting through it. Sick of trying and failing. At least I can say I didn't pick up that drink.
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suicidewatch,m_throwaway_01,2019/03/31,"Does suicidal thoughts with no intention of going through with it count as being suicidal? I have mild untreated depression that tends to come and go in waves. This last wave has been particularly long. I should be happy but I’m often not, and sometimes get into a short funk where I just feel like I can’t do anything - like ill sit for a few minutes and just do nothing because the weight of emotions is too much to bear. Lately I have been thinking about suicide but I know I wouldn’t go through with it - I have a contingency plan sorta like that guy who decided he was going to kill himself and went to Mexico for hookers and blow and realized he wanted to live - but a much less extreme version.

Does having these thoughts count as being suicidal even though even though I know I won’t pull the metaphorical trigger?",6.129999999999996,6.920147,6.1661210191082825,78.81797133757964,66.26114649681529,9.33732484076433,33.534394904458594,9.3871,3.021950828025477,657,28,121,12,10,208,102,157,0.19,0.74,0.07,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,10,6,1,0,6,0,18,2,0,2,0,32,34,13,5,3,6,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,11,1,0,8,0,0,7,5,2,0,0,6,2,11,4,19,22,5,15,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,2,6,85,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834037142411576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802553135322641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134086268663948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339376054611205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304233433699909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809350427841791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739130078190978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656843141423019,0.09405394521059224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878400153332855,0.0,0.29928896745244504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035857622034228,0.0,0.14014858006672692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565611145119914,0.0,0.14470765427659174,0.107315925415372,0.14851192220738688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929591010495492,0.0,0.11625326643422168,0.11651002033387442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356229668990785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263259684173728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302095895147275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5760342761091073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435883749075923,0.2586996018648701,0.20903780987042775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765318900204303,0.0,0.0,0.16031961779501994,0.0,0.12204496796001738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeburt515,2019/03/31,"Breakup taking a toll on me It’s so hard for me to accept that she broke up with me. Not just because it happened but how it did. She said once college starts she probably couldn’t handle being in a relationship. She mentioned this two weeks in. How this thought never occurred to her sooner is beyond me. 

But the worst part is she brought it up completely casually as if I’d be fine being strung along 6 more months knowing that ultimately I’d be rejected no matter how happy we were together because of school. And she was dumbfounded when I was so upset and I literally had to spell it out for her that she basically just forced me to break up with her. We tried to fix things for two more weeks but then it ended but it still hurts so much. It makes me feel like I’ll never be able to trust any girl I date again because no matter how much she says she loves me in the back of her head she could be already planning on dumping me as if it’s nothing. We work together, not too often do we have shifts together but I had to be around her all day today and I just broke down once I got home. ",3.2531137254901945,4.516207791111111,4.361098039215687,87.36917647058826,73.31111111111113,7.427450980392157,25.235294117647058,7.928766900206844,1.2376745098039217,863,27,185,12,17,282,126,225,0.163,0.737,0.101,-0.9583,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,4,0,0,2,18,14,1,1,4,0,19,2,1,5,3,41,30,21,0,4,12,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,15,12,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,7,0,2,10,4,33,7,29,11,7,29,0,4,0,1,25,12,0,3,16,142,48,3,0.14553145049395635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605975744888468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989663768219724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295538453988689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190470230952022,0.0,0.2661438643410853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525869569911988,0.0,0.0,0.11619502121751987,0.0,0.0,0.0938557460520922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889766911462913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358507410056718,0.1039676973114412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639479551102905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869298104680954,0.1549209351971424,0.13036759435253584,0.0,0.14935725403128322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459799107546164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579442770683233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998027921524671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109931563383981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134781599797796,0.0,0.0971433732749492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616181533324978,0.0,0.2139647223527349,0.0,0.22448565270055496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139641351753876,0.0,0.0,0.3099724902866651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759637894863385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569075180036029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624631420556298,0.0,0.0,0.13843373578658252,0.11573245063750574,0.0,0.1472855974532145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300790970588723,0.0,0.11622160435511188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942153915897243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668462908754248,0.0,0.0,0.11553571567143395,0.0,0.0,0.13794679852241154,0.0,0.0,0.0988063019500933,0.0,0.2843261611715419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334731025289619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059486292308102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AtaraxiaNeurotica,2019/03/31,"Long time coming I've been suicidal since I was 8 years old, I'm now 24 and everyone tells me it'll get better and to be more positive and when I've tried to talkng about it and how empty and dark this feels I'm met with "" that's life though"" I think about suicide almost every day only getting a moments reprieve when I'm exhausted, I'm told to hold on but it hurts, it hurts so damn much and I'm sick of it. It's not going to get any better for me and I'm not if the mindset that suicide is selfish, It feels like I was made to die young and I already feel like I am past my expiration date, I could go on and on about why but I've been told all my life to isolate how I feel as not to disturb others",0.6471428571428568,2.1215926815286608,2.8383484986351237,94.68689490445864,80.78343949044586,5.759599636032758,20.76842584167425,6.5431188927421005,0.08531519563239298,549,15,133,5,14,187,91,157,0.245,0.657,0.098,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,1,1,2,0,9,4,0,3,1,29,30,19,4,2,6,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,11,11,0,1,5,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,8,4,11,4,17,19,3,18,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,2,14,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912205758730262,0.0,0.15331682137360586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447969787526933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457511805174584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967910285891516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092727501775584,0.0,0.0,0.08960075952675405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419127271251803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705765626146675,0.1327571290035151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28099626529350136,0.1985085631343748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776141256660372,0.0,0.1579184763539953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974628542150292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626599877053116,0.1357520013551148,0.0,0.0,0.1229519754617881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146245075526616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213227448053903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457875741989763,0.0,0.0,0.10566535916591642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262796208232924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492741379372805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559128389452618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143420021776168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902312168023192,0.13650168032464086,0.0,0.08101337286727113,0.0,0.0,0.2655142580070302,0.0,0.09432688005958063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536607789632356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946876438006247
suicidewatch,suicidal-throwaway08,2019/03/31,I just can’t take it I can’t fucking take it anymore. I’m 15 year old guy and I just can’t live anymore. My mom fucking freaks out at me saying all my sad shit is fake. I’ve refused to go to therapist and shit because it would make me feel like a Pussy. I can’t fucking open up to fucking anyone. The one person I do have is my fucking gf who fucking moved. My family yells at me all the time because I don’t tell them shit. I get made fun of at school all the fucking time for being annoying and ugly. Its not like I’m fucking fat I’m barley 100 lbs. I barley fucking eat. I just can’t live anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with my why people hate me or why I’m like this but I feel this is my only choice. The only way for it to stop. I’m sorry tori.,-1.2729573934837075,0.6465650292397704,1.593901420217211,98.13842105263159,91.69005847953217,3.9588972431077702,18.084377610693398,5.288315135182226,-0.600063993316625,584,17,142,3,21,203,88,171,0.16399999999999998,0.79,0.046,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,22,14,0,5,0,14,14,4,2,3,23,38,5,0,1,6,1,2,3,1,1,1,2,0,2,9,6,2,2,3,0,0,2,8,18,0,1,1,4,22,4,13,35,3,14,0,1,0,9,9,6,12,1,8,76,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26565248231495897,0.06243303801605452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885965370585901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136507433018004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417384826085544,0.0,0.09029453717830224,0.06378817460590176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.742917283798919,0.04664988682905828,0.0,0.050745072072018185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841027989523914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815453345834379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049070972499546776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130866480953957,0.0,0.15768788095403394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448753676404562,0.05960118975903145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457435366329916,0.0,0.0949002179364925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369392525480234,0.0,0.06050462748389857,0.13581681865700093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190184241734172,0.07796382707638863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100630253183195,0.0,0.09036536972764443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27496203636164834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995187441937857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464971346612657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342686320080873,0.0,0.07804263800322947,0.0,0.0,0.10367156561593213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041304232376593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087355787489749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113910937120654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342843840186571,0.09762365032197233,0.0,0.057499274327893674
suicidewatch,Diggy84,2019/03/31,"I just want to feel something Usually when I go through a rougher period of depression its typically a mix of sadness/despair and emptiness/loneliness but rn, its nothing. I'm completely numb. I've surpassed empty, this doesn't even feel like depression anymore.

I get rejected by my top school and beyond surface level disappointment only because I know I should be, I feel nothing.

Playing music (really the only thing I ever enjoy anymore) is meaningless right now. 

I dont want any food or water

I dont want to move

Being around people somehow just feels like they're not even there

Things have been going well (things are still up in the air) with a girl who's one of my closest friends which should be making me happy but again, I feel literally nothing from it.

Hell, I dont often jack off but I've been doing that a lot lately just to try and feel something, anything, but it's all so meaningless.

Literally the only emotion I feel is hate for feeling like this and wishing I wasnt. I already had a hard time explaining how I felt before. I didnt this level of empty was possible but here we are. I cant stress it enough I always feel like this a little bit but its genuinely almost unbelievable how little i feel rn.",3.333628724216961,5.625978008403367,4.742536287242171,80.32933537051187,75.63865546218487,7.35248281130634,27.624904507257448,8.296473431620573,2.186405042016807,978,40,174,18,22,325,144,238,0.18,0.6609999999999999,0.159,-0.8563,0,1,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,1,20,17,2,1,9,0,22,3,0,3,2,46,45,15,0,6,11,0,12,4,1,2,1,0,0,1,16,7,2,0,13,1,0,3,8,8,1,1,7,12,23,9,17,33,4,26,1,4,0,0,5,14,1,5,13,121,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190037921229444,0.0,0.1012770675492363,0.0,0.07636496094484949,0.0,0.0,0.06241080827281205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820342070961932,0.0,0.0,0.07552380535498245,0.08170007295244536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594578085934666,0.0,0.07809459277828695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019559194564144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622536080956362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809302086346344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32268226795060484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323561609066896,0.0,0.09482911261418224,0.0,0.12123432824327042,0.0830166211878278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640468913692256,0.2622590916970701,0.08811932576935873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109758699581146,0.0,0.07090588851227796,0.0,0.04794915759522299,0.0,0.10431680003332894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769722904402572,0.08221324451192226,0.0906097721740778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043767420816098,0.0,0.10352729419559978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934841706225005,0.18396726924633308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802464968040683,0.0,0.0,0.06126117413940746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754333429215192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641845618015757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062189773988017165,0.20939928747511466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362590349640287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346361913626503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058794037891436876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837617885944917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288218361812656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413072544368078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073292410003183,0.0,0.10512906615162852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291563385507906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053515307470903335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062309860835319086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107826743888554,0.0,0.16239553882714114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251762091797374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055378388231238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GalaxyFox666,2019/03/31,"I really feel like I've got nothing to lose. I'm 17 and everyday I feel suicidal. Every single day after school I just go to my room and do absolute nothing except taking a nap, waking up for a bit, take some sleep meds, and head back to bed. Because sleeping is the closest thing to death without upsetting my loved ones and the thought of letting down my older brother (I look up to him a lot, he's probably the only one that cares about me a lot). I've lost all my interests and I'm never motivated to do anything. I'm always too scared actually trying to straighten out my life and get a job. Everyone else my age is already getting started on their life's and I'm not, I'm scared by the time I'm 18 I'll get kicked out of my parents house.
I really feel worthless. I just feel like a dying cat that wants to be put out of it's misery, but no one wants too because they love him so much. 

Multiple times I've been super close to ending it, there's so many possibilities and so many ways I could do it. The only thing holding me back is being a coward. What if it hurts? What if it doesn't work and I injure myself badly? I just want to cut my losses and just end it. There's no point living on, we're all going to die anyway I might as well make it faster instead of waiting. I've got nothing exciting for me in life.
",3.367804187889078,3.9755673763440846,5.19347292963592,83.9821392190153,72.36917562724014,7.880852669307678,26.512167515563107,8.032893268588372,1.506759139784947,1034,33,220,14,19,356,158,279,0.177,0.735,0.08800000000000001,-0.9784,2,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,6,17,19,1,3,12,0,13,10,4,2,3,44,44,17,4,6,10,2,4,2,0,1,4,0,2,0,13,14,0,2,6,1,0,3,6,10,1,3,5,5,26,9,32,34,8,31,0,5,1,2,9,13,0,6,16,139,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.09394403465057544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623453157656924,0.0,0.0801029892665002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922065951273738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804885651486493,0.08038006132328306,0.11736860015992642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510011825932412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815201123545103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686245380642415,0.0,0.0,0.0620851295503588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982272234455253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041986375013767,0.0,0.1705303899300823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111024719254199,0.0919885455932532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470470592054395,0.13754827441360326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088873779278447,0.0,0.10942305751220292,0.0,0.15398920710254524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879911306305536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108076476658467,0.10305727282839153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553149505346556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844092275319666,0.20399157369353416,0.09406371815783772,0.0,0.0850067275602769,0.0,0.08084117845999028,0.10769967283315056,0.10508828940252396,0.1636878379440487,0.17377191094650876,0.0,0.0642598793193402,0.19520201875258056,0.0,0.0,0.10693244828000197,0.0,0.0,0.10212551915452237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076832301297327,0.0,0.07424809570196862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771162697725961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957018010594897,0.14643285497691075,0.0,0.0,0.106894623655077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100471898444827,0.10852811381820628,0.0,0.0,0.10379357676483768,0.0,0.0,0.09677629353328028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334395586355933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927628494718072,0.09742872209134157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267577216398002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681392422713485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053019632835318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476365529104496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791284444314865,0.0,0.0,0.0764263263239438,0.11226971236274433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535989872755017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034472279757468,0.07641334500848722,0.0,0.0,0.0865568190031975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279926583759414,0.0,0.07008451424835438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedIsForNotGo,2019/03/31,"I’m killing myself in September. I don’t know where to start this shit but anyway, I’m a fucking horrible person who should’ve been wiped off this planet ages ago. I was ripped away from my hometown to a shitty little inbred farm town over 100 miles away where everyone hates themselves, I’ve got the fucking curse that is known as autism which makes it nearly impossible to find a fucking job and I have no money to move. My life is so fucking boring all I do is spend the day watching brain rot on YouTube or masturbating. I’m stuck in this fucking cycle and I can’t move back to my hometown otherwise I’ll have I live with my asshole dad. There’s honestly no point in me being here, I’m too messed up in the head to function normally, I cut almost every other day hoping I burst a vessel and die. 

My mum and stepdad are going on vacation in September to Norway. When they are gone I am going to either gang myself in my attic or pump fumes from my stepdad’s VW into my mouth. 

When I’m gone everybody else who knows me will be fucking better off. Don’t pity me I’m not trying to attention seek I’m just getting this out there finally. ",4.2133620689655205,5.1205258534482825,5.37448275862069,82.3562931034483,70.63793103448276,8.041379310344826,27.431034482758626,8.278499904357787,1.801943103448276,906,30,178,13,16,301,143,232,0.206,0.746,0.048,-0.9902,1,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,1,12,17,11,0,7,0,17,11,4,1,1,23,43,11,2,2,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,5,0,2,6,6,14,0,0,6,1,23,3,30,34,2,38,0,1,1,6,6,23,7,4,9,111,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885043152877306,0.0,0.12296153732479607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074004418991895,0.09442183868834073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860227155872687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707992274611294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838533914674627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744190870253713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257953463614114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346015304233944,0.11733596351430292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451601060841462,0.11223248070598164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6811324499893197,0.06415536238123364,0.0,0.1395745502994124,0.0,0.09821044495079992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123472153946918,0.1260231809389799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196322387641027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185517170392544,0.0,0.1358545650861153,0.0,0.1349699318518808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673379819108436,0.0,0.12307293200454808,0.10843030748183168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196667103083997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610234787528478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031310890115406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072199295368477,0.0,0.0,0.11608104375955901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604738748530275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691499135550625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336980047825475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,finalcloud2007,2019/03/31,"Failed my college classes I just do not know what to do with my life anymore. I started with failing a class, then withdrawing the next quarter. After coming back to redo those two classes, my depression ended up making me fail those classes again. I mean, i know its my fault not the depression but I just feel like my life is over. I have no one to help me academically and no one really ever knows how I feel. Everyone just thinks I’m that dude who is happy and everything will work out for him, but deep down im burning in pain and just want someone to notice and help me. I am too embarrassed to admit that I am depressed and need help and now that I have received another 0, my GPA is 2.75 instead of the 3.75 it used to be. I love my family and my friends a lot, but being so far from them makes me feel like it is easier for them to forget me, which will make it easier for me to depart. I just dont know what to do anymore and decided to come on here in hopes of a sign or just anything. Please",3.7290041208791194,4.341991254807694,5.124478021978021,84.7848076923077,71.54807692307693,8.442857142857143,26.87637362637363,8.634040054169528,1.7362296703296702,783,25,168,13,14,263,119,208,0.134,0.664,0.202,0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,2,4,15,15,0,1,6,0,16,4,0,5,1,48,38,15,0,3,12,0,3,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,13,13,0,0,11,0,0,4,5,9,0,4,0,3,29,6,26,34,1,22,0,6,0,1,11,9,0,3,11,127,42,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527339627078444,0.0,0.0,0.2558773578937664,0.0,0.0,0.10616044138398713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919717943957293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225343566079872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33333645191156824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511933525745481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426048189771895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166927580791669,0.0,0.1232701755137578,0.11594172336113437,0.0,0.12161479751129925,0.0,0.19568699926760555,0.18432294824566706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966924184773766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137328633118485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594087744117978,0.0,0.0,0.12813145742512425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393479552043447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835919472623273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224063971122606,0.1260510313758428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967576660061004,0.11643239831431967,0.0,0.2583362923427591,0.0,0.0,0.1405246854753001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956558597079202,0.0,0.0,0.13719869242044588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687348793991187,0.0,0.0,0.1748347775938107,0.0,0.13727082713570962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160917514104218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264415417052383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093058456168092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131067678038872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266144286695326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260195177101995,0.0,0.0,0.11141923407109447,0.0,0.0,0.0760907195625146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391745805387257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idgafuuuuuck,2019/03/31,"Starting a plan Idk if it’s stupid or even effective .. I’ve been doing research on Tylenol overdose and the more I look into it the more I want to do it. 

Today has been a fucked up day, I feel so alone, homeless, useless, lazy af.. I don’t want to struggle anymore. I love my kids so much but they’d be better off without me. I’m sure my sons father wouldn’t fight for him and my daughter can go with her paternal grandmother and her father would be okay with that. I got kicked out of my house by my mothers fucked up ex marine ex meth addict of a piece of shit bc I don’t do shit around the house. All bc I “don’t clean” after my two year old son. I’m sick and tired of his shit, and my selfish fucking mother who sat there as he was yelling me and I was losing my shit screaming at the top of my lungs in anger and hitting everything near me. Well what’s that saying ? If they deserve each other they’ll find each other ? Some bs like that pieces of trash can only go w trash. 

I’m so angry I left everything and just picked up my kids and left.  I fucking hate my mother and her bf, he never wanted us in the house and I guess he finally got his wish. I’m currently at my grandmas house and everything feels so not worth it. I blocked my mother on everything. I just want to die or sleep and never wake up. I hate them so much. 

I feel so numb, but I can’t stop crying. I feel like a useless piece of shit and no one would even care if I died. They would just move on w their life.  The only thing that’s stopping me is that I want to be a better mother than my piece of shit one. She just sat there as me and the addict were yelling at each other. Sat there as he told me to leave. Sat there as I was hitting the wall shaking w rage. I can’t stop playing it out in my head I wish I would’ve grabbed that broom and beat him for being such an asshole. Now I’d rather just see my mother suffer over her own actions. I’d rather her be in pain over my death blaming herself as she should. I want everyone to look at her and say you could’ve prevented this but you didn’t. I want her to be blamed for my death bc not only did she know I was struggling with my mental health, she knows I have no where to go but she still let that son of a bitch treat me that way. So much for “loving and caring mother” everyone thought she was, or she claimed to be. 

She just sat there. That evil little bitch. I fucking hate her. I wish she and her dumb ass bf would fucking die.

So yea the Tylenol is looking pretty good only Bc that’s what available to me. Only bc I don’t want my family to see my lying in a pool of my own blood. Fuck choking to death lol any other painless easy way out ? I’m done.",0.9914848236259208,2.690613365217395,2.4933059885151785,96.51016406890898,80.56521739130434,5.243970467596392,20.06644790812141,5.9583978994396425,-0.2032986054142736,2075,53,488,13,53,675,240,575,0.306,0.5670000000000001,0.127,-0.9994,1,1,1,0,3,1,50.0,1,2,6,7,29,49,24,3,17,3,42,31,12,2,4,89,99,42,6,22,21,15,5,2,2,7,10,5,2,2,24,30,0,5,9,2,1,6,15,35,1,3,20,15,93,14,63,61,16,54,0,4,5,10,62,31,17,8,17,319,117,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570414670075108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059712824636225424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920713575879962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717791571588245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132485767125974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198169674667576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756550640652852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603254274496649,0.0,0.06333092043526473,0.037182476467005635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795092574894946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059000719245831376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616069872518269,0.0,0.0,0.11018296833804207,0.20726510984373744,0.0,0.05435166830816008,0.0,0.1166076836488463,0.04118849000961357,0.0,0.06315784561661693,0.05269530115811296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37310553279647696,0.0,0.0,0.09829939045859114,0.04835798093926366,0.09222337314475583,0.0,0.06351309166642903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707660773999573,0.059170299281542764,0.0612841917335297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26610287853360226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633709703419732,0.0,0.0,0.06104794453213552,0.12528388128468318,0.05895578087973726,0.04072318091444086,0.05633429473584209,0.057785100851343564,0.0,0.0,0.1452461436783562,0.06450080042717224,0.0,0.0,0.10407113645714894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810232178619621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127776351238815,0.1271483940242881,0.0,0.08893363325976908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060498851521640126,0.0,0.0781365593247553,0.21924477824271396,0.061348607386150326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865550132881174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916985758103624,0.0,0.0,0.09188657521271183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550899883144461,0.0,0.0,0.05769628263752188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040808254578561465,0.0,0.046043074086195034,0.14460559482927704,0.0,0.1205463065365743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433882073193461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830318437587636,0.0,0.0,0.04577134815664262,0.0,0.06626553325016905,0.05464986221420588,0.055091484169021036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056320210756447574,0.0,0.06935143927698569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720496278822831,0.09152714742227154,0.0,0.0,0.0518384500274697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889998971048847,0.05557702050638312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204781028582602,0.0,0.0,0.037127701189859086
suicidewatch,thowaway639,2019/03/31,"Almost 22 and never touched a girl Really starting to feel like shit lately, only thing that's gone down on me are my marks. I can't believe I'm this pathetic, but here it is... Wish I had someone to talk to, no point living if this lonely. ",2.3412000000000006,3.70525932,4.153000000000001,87.55150000000002,75.8,6.6000000000000005,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.7353999999999994,186,5,39,2,4,63,45,50,0.211,0.6920000000000001,0.097,-0.743,0,2,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,7,9,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,2,4,1,5,7,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,2,4,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833547318921411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188115854175674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430787159055789,0.20215464628941995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192037828543428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824541059444065,0.0,0.2498687099555405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182447957022142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152123109447001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674992013589343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812785647499892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904658193420324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397605373432002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028843660188092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274414918261113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879934585476776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32540285775231714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,777777777-7777777777,2019/03/31,"Should I be concerned about thinking so much about dying? 55 year old female here. I have many very severe traumas in my past; hence the CPTSD with flashbacks and anxiety.  I had trauma therapy for 1.5 years and quit because she demanded I get psych meds before continuing even though I was in a pretty good space with millions of coping skills.

I often think casually about how my job, friends and relatives would react if I were to complete suicide. I also wonder often what it would be like for my estranged daughter going through all of the things I have in my house if I died; especially all of the things she gave me or collected and kept in the house.  

And in the past 6 months, I also have started this weird positive thought process of wanting to see my deceased Mom and grandparents to find out about life when they were young and when I was young; I think about it at least 3-5 X week. 

Almost all of these thoughts are not the least bit depressing to me.  The thoughts about my daughter going through all the memorabilia does make me sad, but I attribute that to her blocking me out a few years ago.  

**Do I need to be concerned about thinking so much about dying?**  I'm not afraid of it at all and that just seems weird. ",5.786962025316456,6.4414152911392435,5.55849789029536,83.35243037974685,66.9746835443038,8.345316455696205,31.41181434599156,8.238735603445708,2.1498401687763726,972,37,190,12,15,301,137,237,0.108,0.843,0.049,-0.8956,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,2,21,11,0,1,10,0,16,1,0,4,5,48,36,20,4,7,7,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,10,12,0,2,10,1,0,2,2,7,0,1,10,1,29,4,35,20,11,27,0,2,1,0,9,10,0,8,16,138,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279557867357957,0.0,0.1161217480387681,0.0,0.0,0.18547362108337373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887125650663308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069091471074238,0.0,0.0986772927763638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660325650702514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158662672169755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998800989329262,0.0,0.3610586903979304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148136114989896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765934930768545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598949988630127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895939254098988,0.0,0.060586692292982275,0.0,0.13181065490163116,0.09726556453078992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676150472074812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150769244893834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190919273712945,0.056654422636126515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740723910988705,0.11756985463063276,0.0,0.0,0.1288104752186256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581628204913934,0.0925617992437798,0.0,0.1704945779200131,0.0859862461157637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168529025451835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140257358046928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797763965267495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334257568234695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924087341662428,0.10556977304919267,0.0,0.13100693605096014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208030695254273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268463983587915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261557191482354,0.0,0.1540833913775588,0.2972216105670929,0.11393458380659464,0.27618870337345586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568290040097084,0.06839889745809481,0.0,0.09301976894520178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257586102042114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475578147316994,0.0,0.0,0.22403210881556995
suicidewatch,shrekism,2019/03/31,"Anyone here not afraid of death? It's as if a veil has been taken off of me, and for some reason I have the feeling that dying is just another step to something even greater. Peace and no worries.",3.3701666666666696,4.617576350000004,4.065000000000001,89.66666666666669,73.0,6.333333333333334,25.833333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.8433333333333333,154,5,32,1,3,49,38,40,0.107,0.665,0.228,0.6854,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,6,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,6,4,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267133001623642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28454272895981114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223406882821011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26878080581600505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057616835197931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184033002488309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132831951603668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132685130433316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vsauce-,2019/03/31,If I do it sooner I escape whats in store I contemplate it all the time. Many in my family also had this same idea. Im at risk to a seriously disabling gentic illness and it would cut out the suffering. I dont feel alive anymore. I can barely express emotion in my face or voice and i feel disconnected from the world like its not even real.   ,1.486358148893359,3.559322183098594,3.9882494969818936,84.53436619718312,80.69014084507046,6.874044265593561,22.818913480885314,7.957251820313856,1.294547686116701,269,9,55,5,7,94,55,71,0.232,0.711,0.057,-0.8953,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,4,0,5,2,1,0,1,13,7,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,8,1,7,5,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265754667755233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280982971006095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320556203367262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187032875361964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713395839783692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26709426269139996,0.0,0.2865159824695265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198402384444898,0.3060403841843396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841862986982814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28724779875507545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224866842368072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520949910840746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126645435185228,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway08147,2019/03/31,"Suicide is inevitable I'm 25. I've wanted to kill myself since age 14. Wanted to die before then. I honestly think it's inevitable that I'll kill myself one day. Might as well do it earlier rather than later.

I'm graduating with my Master's in 6 weeks and have no idea what I'm doing next. I'm going deaf, I'm fat, I'm trans, $30k in student debt…I have nothing good going for me, might as well die. I've been drinking all day and want to keep drinking. Trying not to because I have class in the morning and don't want to be hungover for my presentation.

I have percocet left over from a past surgery but I don't want to die of liver failure. Fucking wish it was just pure oxycodone. But of course nothing in my life goes well, so no surprises there.",1.533333333333335,3.5060924394904482,3.298369426751595,90.0571932059448,80.01910828025478,5.715329087048832,23.842462845010616,6.742157984588678,0.7458546921443734,591,21,125,6,15,197,97,157,0.17800000000000002,0.711,0.111,-0.9325,1,0,2,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,3,0,2,0,14,7,2,0,2,22,31,9,6,7,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,5,4,3,1,2,2,0,2,5,3,3,1,2,1,10,6,20,26,1,17,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,2,9,69,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925519139094737,0.0,0.11063214780757123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769626010161778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40480132033861294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547280083549425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019564133103627,0.0,0.0,0.1477796506713951,0.10904938723992558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467697283016632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556221829737764,0.287681961037634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126034854819056,0.0,0.09183257528386024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584814185268225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827112624837504,0.0,0.0,0.2495034500249171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810069971803089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411286100462544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754873942002996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221396936671207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330757823480565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088270819893677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834274695095509,0.0,0.10428920917292016,0.0,0.35069399721607675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950942656324048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IBCBLACKCHERRY,2019/03/31,"Going crazy from loneliness I’m just alone all the time and I hate it. All I do is watch tv and sleep. I keep the tv on all day so I won’t have to deal with silence.

I need a friend to help me out of this hell I’m in, but I don’t have anyone. I don’t know what to do. 

",-4.085909090909091,-2.8251983787878743,-0.5560606060606048,109.7359090909091,108.54545454545456,3.0060606060606063,9.030303030303033,4.851557810540192,-2.2574060606060606,201,2,62,1,11,71,44,66,0.17600000000000002,0.758,0.065,-0.6956,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,3,12,15,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,9,14,3,6,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580403457264634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24172107514156554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229475294514274,0.3564009264872253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670865174034245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646894928019126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413066107831315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23171503684617864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072735319406009,0.0,0.0,0.18998736258489432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563317425214153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345949083944991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158011414950466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confusedthrowaway144,2019/03/31,"Why does it hurt so much to be alive It hurts to stay in bed. It hurts to get dressed and go to school. It hurts to talk to friends. It hurts to go shopping. It hurts to work. There's no way out of being in pain. Sex and eating take it away temporarily, but it comes back even worse and combined with shame or emptiness. I can't kill myself right now, but I want to take enough drugs to be on the brink of death or to be beaten until I almost die. I just want to destroy myself.",0.6629411764705893,2.5120623529411823,1.8076078431372584,100.27023529411764,82.33333333333333,4.472156862745098,17.062745098039215,4.935628992294339,-0.9750501960784316,368,7,90,1,10,116,65,102,0.349,0.563,0.08800000000000001,-0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,3,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,14,13,9,3,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,8,6,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,1,21,9,2,15,0,6,0,1,2,7,0,3,3,57,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237526764927276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161123171676321,0.09502935235903548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645766426898312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826187474886433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815019811992774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331953901307012,0.12645846213542186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276964969679404,0.0,0.0816268264151813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954815807910774,0.0,0.06456814040204323,0.0,0.14047257821928638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7938027586281682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672865848084914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908493055842365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315033136445372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554104335874166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507477030839514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172532701724055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858413057861531,0.0993330627338669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578744761515133,0.09809614013486123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151637598035197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997146153236245,0.0,0.12594382664112588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnfilteredConfusion,2019/03/31,I don't have a purpose I'm 12 years old and I'm burning out. I don't have any sort of energy left in me. I don't think I can keep going. No one really cares. I don't see a future. What's the point? I'm out of potential anyway,-3.5593535353535337,-2.1475548545454544,0.9533333333333368,99.11222222222223,106.63636363636364,4.6262626262626245,11.565656565656564,6.42735559955562,-0.8846767676767677,173,3,47,3,9,66,36,55,0.05,0.835,0.115,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,15,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,5,15,0,9,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864422205338015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35779620563586745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944142913701546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31192243135994924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812861333322584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682416753247367,0.0,0.23779903904098545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317419861064792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481454450400307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796455266930009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486157445369356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598721369478456
suicidewatch,kkanonthrowaway,2019/03/31,"Kicked when I'm down Have had the worst year. Can't live with my current housemates in college. Got blindsided by my girlfriend and had my grandfather die. I'm stuck

Today my ex told me she's seeing someone else and basically denounced our whole relationship we had. Have been struggling with depression and she knows it. It's like being tripped when you're hopping on one foot. 

Not sure what to do but have begun a letter and just feel like at least getting my thoughts on paper before I do anything. My tourettes has kept me really frustrated and upset all the time and has gotten kinda hard to manage too recently ",4.5079487179487145,6.747681888888893,4.706333333333337,82.15950000000005,71.991452991453,7.4150427350427375,28.79401709401709,8.238735603445708,2.1619237606837607,499,20,88,8,10,156,88,117,0.177,0.7829999999999999,0.04,-0.9352,1,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,0,4,8,1,2,3,0,13,1,1,0,2,19,25,9,1,0,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,10,3,13,3,10,14,4,14,0,1,1,0,9,5,0,1,10,59,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877552139042516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414629470713454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651280023213674,0.0,0.23679276471246175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905973620193121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536392127106185,0.1629966592270951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920353189970502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824793980277068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043854283632196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539008416319786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293368462193208,0.0,0.20146835957373027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460627629784687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461643399550066,0.0,0.22527924399544802,0.24495711543715395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818129868805034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331817160158013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238521067937194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503692520842804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113256485274587,0.13304120408292402,0.0,0.21626782059884966,0.2180154666829719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547311004802496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692675690020165
suicidewatch,IndividualPrior,2019/03/31,"I'm pretty sure I'm going to kill myself Right now, my life is flashing before my eyes.

Everything has been so horribly cruel to me. I'm in pain all the time due to a pelvic condition. I've well and truly fucked my grades at uni. I'm not smart, I'm not talented. I have absolutely nothing to offer this world. Absolutely nothing. There is not one redeemable quality that I possess. I've lived every day as a tourist in my own body. I've never once been more than that. I've never truly meant anything to anyone. Every day is like waking up to an uphill battle. Why fight it anymore? Why shouldn't I just drink this vodka and take these pills? I have them all within my reach, after all. I just want a break. I want it all to end.",0.8797647058823514,3.189404733333337,2.9551764705882384,89.59111764705881,85.0,5.3960784313725485,18.823529411764707,6.794906146795322,0.2496941176470591,570,15,117,7,17,192,94,150,0.191,0.6890000000000001,0.12,-0.9499,0,0,2,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,1,0,6,11,5,0,5,0,9,8,3,0,7,18,20,4,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,6,6,1,1,3,1,14,5,15,16,6,18,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,10,70,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294219321088872,0.12193343456712648,0.0,0.14350327607185284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838804605390693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370145036594905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492666788236976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083005339794374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445257446286895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938522922358688,0.0,0.15672520685514854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121531322279992,0.0,0.0,0.09910651670524892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293019673441275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317266437032652,0.08519527480693857,0.0,0.1539843769046866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26899157469437196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346525414773908,0.0,0.0,0.1857134014381041,0.11816719593909865,0.0,0.185557003590592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774113469629529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892308960677192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435497370296276,0.0,0.13111515934212362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168478542587754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205712549675448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679227072478644,0.0,0.3147090975080621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dbzfan1023,2019/03/31,"I dont know what to do Ive been in this world for 14+ years and it hasnt gotten better, ive been raped and used multiple times before and i was reffered here by a friend. If anyone can help, im open.",-1.1970212765957449,0.442611000000003,1.6334468085106373,100.09400000000002,87.93617021276596,4.611063829787233,13.655319148936169,5.6839178017228535,-1.192256170212766,155,2,41,1,5,54,37,47,0.149,0.725,0.126,-0.2746,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,7,12,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,4,2,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573112075152404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131373068142199,0.0,0.0,0.325462364841019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312883165062129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843126287762313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24665981605207624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39749859359082745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022408581904769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458130017207527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31783020265550604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369772187724684
suicidewatch,Zarkfartle,2019/03/31,"I am an attention seeking loser All I do is feel sorry myself, I'm probably not even depressed I mean I'm not diagnosed so I'm most likely just faking it. I feel like an immense burden to my SO since she is the only one I really talk to about this. She deservea so much better than an idiot who constantly just brings her down and gives absolutely nothing in return. I am pathetic for using depression as an excuse to not do things. Just by making this post I am proving myself right, I'm just an attention seeking cunt who only cares about himself and is a burden to everybody that sorrounds him. I have the life some people could only dream of and I'm sitting here complaining. If I killed myself the people around me would actually be happier so it's really selfish of me to keep living while great, amazing people who deserve so much better than me are being brought down by my mere presence. Oh and sorry for any mistakes in writing this English is a second language but knowing me I probably fucked up somewhere like always and just by typing out that bit at the end it's gonna look like I'm faking and whoever thinks that is probably right.

Thank you for reading I wish you all the happiness in the world",5.243298319327732,6.22364428571429,6.374275210084032,75.85620273109244,68.32773109243698,8.975210084033613,30.841386554621852,9.188382445141503,2.8106714285714287,972,38,170,18,16,326,135,238,0.145,0.71,0.145,0.2438,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,3,15,25,4,0,13,0,16,3,0,2,3,38,39,15,1,5,10,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,8,0,1,8,2,0,2,3,14,0,2,1,3,27,11,27,33,7,20,0,3,1,1,15,12,2,3,8,128,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.11555455846861948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852957232607316,0.0,0.0,0.08052528504644599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054131783400899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209454351640649,0.1292769445726749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207305217761376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796299700802938,0.0,0.09454359657270266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397886073252305,0.12018727629542915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487927193646177,0.0,0.0,0.07821104316202666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974691319196523,0.08459467478218997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947143312189128,0.0,0.113593081893049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055137389054225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605344226002002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525141770254992,0.13100706568622442,0.0,0.0650769987617874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363900314746528,0.2314035470176397,0.0,0.10456134768563356,0.0,0.09943757171781026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904197440116699,0.0,0.0,0.12898708684725038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409519081749755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362100963319667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024009648246612,0.2701765572198468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462791697708607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340746312081705,0.0,0.3830095539184759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844560979289084,0.0,0.1517175242962506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022490757024132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979529249512264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651085836087029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517633844269932,0.0,0.10901930165643346,0.0,0.0,0.07866871120167877,0.07587463137836252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227130110964364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361697563228018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841175994092729,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lazyDoctor69,2019/03/31,"Next year, I will be gone. I have never felt as peaceful as I am now. I have decided I will kill myself next year, upon graduation. I have already started the inheritance procedures that will give my mother all of my savings and know the location of my departure. All that remains is the exact method of my crime, which is made complicated that I need to be accurate and quick, to not give myself time to think and hesitate when the moment comes.

I feel better. So much better. Everyday, I feel like I am running blind and screaming in panic in this world. All I feel behind my dark eyelids and inside my gut is shame, disgust, helplessness. But now it's gone. I know I will never be ashamed again. I know that soon this will be erased forever. I feel so calm, almost serene now that I know for exactly how long I need to continue this charade and when I will be free. I know that for this serenity, much like anything in this life, I will have to pay. And that is fair. I will pay on the day of my suicide, in a hotel room by the beach. I bought this serenity with the pact I made.

I will never run in the darkness again. ",3.1820229197807706,4.8030481614349805,4.428213751868462,85.38045714997511,74.11210762331838,7.825510712506229,25.841803687095165,8.515128840125781,1.7194715495764823,872,30,178,16,18,287,110,223,0.171,0.725,0.104,-0.9434,0,0,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,0,0,2,12,14,2,3,9,0,24,3,1,3,8,38,46,15,2,2,2,1,5,2,0,9,2,1,1,0,15,9,0,0,12,2,5,5,4,7,0,0,6,7,33,8,23,26,5,37,0,1,1,0,3,9,0,1,25,133,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062759661620128,0.0,0.15497597206737562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556787170427835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248410629350256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097423580492273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057039326295607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840371263310019,0.10032838295180016,0.13484176131372488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694403696257341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537298404894814,0.0,0.3859031357433045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919496657551284,0.13722107060147049,0.0,0.0,0.12428252649695914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657701994291966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20647504135900926,0.20826484853245592,0.3249415411768615,0.0,0.29871316804891257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477282686598746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099402192020073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536155323347589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998650438523452,0.0,0.0,0.08189007636655525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808739394052449
suicidewatch,hannibalsx,2019/03/31,why why ı feel like this? i cant talk no one,-5.477499999999999,-4.562427083333329,-1.4499999999999975,116.145,111.5,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-3.1418,33,0,12,0,2,12,11,12,0.0,0.615,0.385,0.5248,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826005430699333,0.3083776912469439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108870675352398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925037038372116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34695162060575224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7790112638351611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway09809824,2019/03/31,"I've finally worked out the day that I'll do it. Been on meds so long, they don't help. Tried exercise. Nope. Tried it all.  All except hard drugs, which don't appeal to me.

​

​

So I've got a date and time that I'll off myself. In about three months, day after birthday. I've got the method and setting planned out too now. Just need the choice of music, but that'll happen in the moment. 

​

There's nothing left that I or anyone else can really learn or get from me. There's not much potential that would be taken away, but I would feel bad for my family. That's about it. So I want to make it look like either an accident or that I ran away. No one will find me. Nobody.

​

I just don't see myself going further in anything. No real future or even present, really. 

​

Having the date down makes it feel like I'm moving towards something. Like it's going to be an event. I'll probably wear a nice shirt.",1.0443205099021209,3.5092580575916266,2.2905804689278426,93.4312178465741,86.22513089005236,4.997131800591852,18.251991805144552,6.498293943080001,-0.005256498975643176,743,19,153,8,23,237,114,191,0.091,0.8290000000000001,0.08,-0.2475,0,0,3,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,1,2,12,5,0,0,9,0,13,4,2,2,2,28,30,11,0,4,11,0,3,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,4,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,5,5,12,4,21,19,4,32,0,0,2,0,2,13,0,4,17,96,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470524893767685,0.5013547913151563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057699975190462036,0.08455159800866259,0.06790701417122451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550607076314626,0.0,0.06890083971702432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643728032889346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569712188543206,0.0,0.06893495788747495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450375022391217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779260966106043,0.0,0.08344928775823071,0.05895237856692063,0.0,0.0903967400454082,0.07542187979811575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043113348288166924,0.0,0.09379615321108456,0.0,0.13199773055722744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297225516931949,0.0,0.07392180430915136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055311486056610105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965833411353405,0.0,0.0,0.12094546323958592,0.0,0.0,0.07302769501250711,0.0692961038833361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101656199890131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916612323777272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586675948042635,0.08770581080960667,0.06066177109953365,0.06118761128028043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918026507340091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591775789977355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897062876784886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392594395301232,0.10572898294812734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575783872986456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352800739074572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048118136072765084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120514672920118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486724951805799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060075618298547226,0.0,0.0,0.1172398280928212,0.0,0.5013547913151563,0.0
suicidewatch,YoItsMe54321,2019/03/31,"Losing someone. Lately I noticed there has been lots of ""I recently lost someone to suicide"" topics.  Now.. I could not imagine what i would feel or do if someone like my mom or a family member took their own life.  I would be completely devastated to the point that i could die from just a broken heart.

but here i am.. everyday wishing my life would end.. wishing i could fall asleep and never wake up but one day it will all be over.  ",4.327098039215684,5.422561964705883,5.205588235294119,82.97348039215687,70.52941176470588,8.019607843137255,28.284313725490193,8.344100000000001,1.9239019607843144,337,12,66,5,6,110,64,85,0.154,0.772,0.07400000000000001,-0.7092,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,13,5,3,0,2,21,18,6,2,9,7,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,3,1,11,1,6,6,3,12,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,4,8,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054812860664153,0.0,0.0,0.36677236857717466,0.0,0.0,0.09875263708491627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589190593941311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562286034254845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435215417021202,0.0,0.07742434984733677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814532739160476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273110958458293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631273050657174,0.0748088977938286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130715168806265,0.16715348394053767,0.130180977093651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933756783310725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180990569272359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433326213982392,0.0,0.0,0.1037611264665044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475215002324296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119197413084398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892256847292875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749335371899368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012695757229526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521712442060881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263257617943508,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bowmangirl,2019/03/31,"I don’t want to be a burden I’ve been having hallucinations from a long time, the only two persons that now about it are my boyfriend and my best friend, at first it was fine because i was feeling supported. I can’t tell my my family, they are religious fanatics, my mom thinks I’m possessed sometimes because of my usual sadness. I see shadows all the time, they talk to me, I’m used to it but its frustrating. I don’t know if i have to tell anyone else about this, my boyfriend gets sad when I talk about it, my best friend is suicidal too, I just don’t want to be the person who ruins the day for them. My family isn’t supportive, I’ve tried. I went to a psychologist and my mom hated her, she said I didn’t need it, she believes I have to go to church. She screams, my father beats me up, and I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times. The first time, not enough pills. The second time, I wasn’t brave enough to cut more. The third one, I drank acid but I puked. I just don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this anymore, he is going to think I’m always the same, boring, I’m sick. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m tired of pretending I’m happy all the time. I know I’m stupid, I don’t know how to manage the stress and anxiety the hallucinations cause to me,  I don’t know to manage my feelings, I don’t know how to talk to people about my situation, about the abuse I had as a child and about how I was raped a year ago... I just don’t feel it, anymore. Every time I get sad I just remember everything, it’s to much for me to handle, I try to sound fine, I try to make it look fine, I just can’t. Everything is falling apart always, I’m sorry for my boyfriend and my best friend, I don’t want them to carry the weight I make them carry. I know they love me, I know my family loves me after all. But I don’t love this life anymore, not enough to stay. ",1.3299026979212734,2.765860814536345,3.1822534276868635,93.14924038036268,78.69924812030075,6.498628925254312,20.256597375792424,7.285733465282438,0.2624293970219673,1431,34,342,18,34,480,162,399,0.199,0.645,0.156,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,1,2,54.0,0,0,6,7,19,31,6,1,18,0,31,10,0,8,3,49,75,17,2,6,12,3,4,0,3,0,4,3,0,3,14,6,2,0,14,1,0,4,18,15,0,6,10,10,68,16,42,63,12,25,1,5,2,4,32,3,0,1,17,216,82,2,0.0,0.08876462050496997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640956936714769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467420841238848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057311445876653176,0.0,0.22289316716293067,0.05238384169323621,0.07676151524113782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133764826632096,0.0,0.0,0.0844060192707814,0.235862909048552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696059180400906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048315390297854234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258369971889198,0.0,0.0,0.2322284540581529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312096437012997,0.0,0.13466148073964282,0.0,0.2118757799775793,0.0,0.11364114797911752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744904838381274,0.0,0.0,0.17364250723109065,0.0,0.07828228016174328,0.0,0.08515433195638844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797507426471697,0.0,0.07396521572497401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288477167447154,0.0,0.3293802303182364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291622740075627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629935631912487,0.06291157186464054,0.08381317338903428,0.0,0.0,0.20284706887921808,0.0,0.10001561315221544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754842167399287,0.0,0.0,0.05507275529356871,0.05555014767880384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050765827333434425,0.05697789947349511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193814712133408,0.13082960256773607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486657290143444,0.0,0.07126340428007998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596993014770653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842100613253379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409501729263691,0.08386366149890964,0.0,0.07985175730440087,0.0,0.0,0.08581738890073977,0.0,0.0,0.08194724714309229,0.1700302805389204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408624004915749,0.13096185367216787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960078216352502,0.0,0.0,0.3057937148157028,0.0861062900185892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345541933923933,0.0,0.07318320948228949,0.0,0.0,0.06470439893392163,0.08251070140492686,0.0,0.17675240059900504,0.0,0.0,0.09122895554115366,0.0,0.06944898640091325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824421459506433
suicidewatch,palpablezebra,2019/03/31,Im going to kill myself today via overdosing Im doing this because of my sever seperation anxiety,3.399473684210527,6.151478684210532,7.367631578947371,59.16092105263158,77.94736842105263,10.115789473684213,30.552631578947373,10.125756701596842,4.778136842105264,81,4,10,3,2,31,17,19,0.299,0.701,0.0,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25023908789627874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940388384151886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859047702708907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7066722177634456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618999546608943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695424223272808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31006306446673937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missmykidssomuch,2019/03/31,"Can't go on like this My ex and I were together for 6 years. I found out she had been cheating on my since day 1 about 2 years ago. I stuck by because we have kids together. About a month ago we got into an argument and she left. She has since claimed that I've been abusive towards her. As a result I haven't been able to see my children. Not even talk to them. I've supported her financially all these years and she's only doing this because she knows how much it hurts me. I have no money for an attorney. Every day that I go without my babies is torture. I've given up. Tonight is the night. They're better off without someone as weak as me. Isabel and Alex, I love you so much and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from this in your childhood.",0.13700866089273944,2.374352101265824,2.1417654896735527,94.51852431712194,88.11392405063292,4.845303131245837,20.974017321785475,6.339386263674448,0.2221721518987345,584,20,129,6,19,194,102,158,0.168,0.758,0.073,-0.923,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,3,1,1,5,8,2,0,5,0,14,2,0,2,1,18,25,10,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,2,0,1,2,7,4,0,0,9,1,27,4,21,15,3,22,0,1,1,1,18,9,0,0,12,87,34,0,0.16569200140170012,0.19631792750444127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937519239186269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020086123138416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465411104221315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371526709364694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943800424734043,0.0,0.13960265741835484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167272729572387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833316554051374,0.0,0.1325190297733267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773767144240037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105999075018743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002484433120022,0.0,0.0,0.08094874245860231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495435003126764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225377472493582,0.0,0.2436053715925548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554907190314978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601623343352952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320350729014166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274124271546769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039029509679282,0.0,0.0,0.1854786301652484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802531965159824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317695442522387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31944235323676085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201006494311182
suicidewatch,Tronerve,2019/03/31,I'm a stupid fucking teen who had a crush on a girl and now shes killed herself and I dont know what to do And its so fucking unfair so fucked up. They say you dont appreciate things until theyre gone and shit and yeah I had an old account where I took advice from r/offmychest and i forgot the password of that acct now but basically I really liked this girl who had a birth defect that caused her to stutter a lot and speak slowly in general and and had a slight lisp and when I first told her I liked her like the shithead I am she just got angry and told me shes suicidal and I shouldnt look for flawed girls or something? Anyway I posted about it on that subreddit and got advice and we talked a little and we decided to become friends and I never once have seen her smile or do anything except cry or be scared of everything and it was really unfair God put her through immense suffering daily and it finally happened she shot herself with her dads gun 2 weeks ago and her suicide note said it was because of how she felt left behind and not worth anything and idk im a huge asshole for saying this but I wish she'd just let me take her out or spend quality time with her or something just let me make her feel wanted but I know that wasnt possible but I would much rather live in a world where she hates me and is in love with someone else and wants to kill me than a world where shes fucking dead because at least shed be around making the world around her a better place just existing guys you dont fucking get it shes dead shes gone she's not coming back shes dead please bring her back but guess what you can't I can't no one can God will pay for the suffering he brought upon her I will make sure he will suffer just as much as she did she was the most beautiful thing ever in my life even if she never smiled never did anything worthwhile I dont care I tried talking about it to a friend irl and he made fun of me because everyone kinda took her for a joke and by the way let me go on a fucking tangent for a second her shyness wasnt cute or endearing it kept coming in the way of her life and she was scared and sad shitless and it showed she never slept and kept drinking all the fucking time and had no interests in life I once got a little sampler I had to school and that was the first time she showed any real interest for creativity she liked hip hop I guess idk shes fucking dead and j cant do anything about it except die myself and make god pay for it all,1.7483499999999983,3.6023130171428583,3.082863095238096,92.44086607142859,78.82857142857142,5.9750000000000005,21.794642857142854,6.9077264865688965,0.4389500000000002,1974,57,433,21,48,641,243,525,0.237,0.632,0.131,-0.9969,2,0,3,1,0,2,3.0,2,3,1,3,25,36,13,2,26,1,47,16,3,7,8,100,97,52,9,7,22,1,2,4,2,5,3,4,0,4,24,43,1,3,5,4,5,10,18,21,0,4,33,8,74,15,49,53,7,60,0,4,2,9,65,26,9,12,25,296,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456090990508464,0.056496642852414874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04334153363854956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979171017916093,0.11347414199994997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980155397258744,0.0,0.1165555779593996,0.07038956613433238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636784037546502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498140264566568,0.06547271892132639,0.0,0.1098029731051639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000917474032205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614617782653506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987846658399415,0.062435384810321966,0.0,0.0,0.05324185904373797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042095927461266884,0.057651355259540626,0.0,0.06090088878204629,0.057280311074329335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03222599499789723,0.0,0.06119495689503405,0.06981784915814851,0.0,0.1084247863227738,0.0,0.0,0.09848197891277437,0.4713709288580369,0.03329855972653363,0.0,0.036221691585429774,0.0,0.1529225108665392,0.0,0.14042111190593615,0.0631070123775176,0.05636006233833502,0.0,0.0,0.06292446128076974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688440191354982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102519826045049,0.0,0.07005344791522329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924754193309622,0.1955180283435467,0.1350523378955966,0.1245495077895085,0.1277570954309448,0.05627858585530058,0.0,0.05352078986193382,0.0,0.0,0.05418465282451032,0.05752272608369825,0.06030696921933072,0.17017265522945213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370413982110208,0.0,0.1966233943351297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687846376868466,0.13574997434686042,0.043188035147585714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658881536663126,0.06996116124471173,0.0,0.07185088694186947,0.06103987554813875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407061065265107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254362694555193,0.08165969457979118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062594801361014,0.10136820329192008,0.12761837662812092,0.06450255007289599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542237943590233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400189558741945,0.09813161038986228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943003692694206,0.0,0.06006885688158629,0.0,0.04792028841039222,0.1024544892161246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468452091494673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149201058839163,0.0,0.0,0.12180177756409258,0.14162238351481224,0.043271430127973284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518432467722723,0.10117869775663303,0.05112383948923604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329134036363512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045275043264835314,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DivinebyDesign17,2019/03/31,"When will the feeling end For the better part of 3 years I have battled suicidal depression on a daily basis. I'm tired.

For most of my life I have been the person that everyone comes to and expects to have answers, fix problems, and be successful. I've met a few people I consider friends, and a ton of acquaintances. I have a beautiful daughter, who will start High School next school year. I've never had a sucky job in my life and everything that I have, I have acquired on my own.

Never been married, always have been cheated on. Only been engaged once in my almost 40 years of. All of my ""friends"" are married. So I am always alone.

Everyday starts with trying to just get out of bed, then comes the struggle of just keeping myself together. Aside from my medical issues I feel an internal pain that won't go away. I really need it to stop because I need to be okay to actually live. How do I make these feelings stop?
",3.900307813733228,5.462566469613261,5.033358326756119,82.00310773480665,72.14917127071823,8.265351223362273,29.503157063930544,8.841846274778883,2.439916811365431,725,30,138,14,14,239,113,181,0.162,0.7240000000000001,0.114,-0.8540000000000001,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,5,12,2,1,10,1,20,5,0,2,3,28,35,8,1,4,2,1,3,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,6,8,0,3,4,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,6,3,18,6,24,24,6,25,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,14,96,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.12977283437792456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331638904759636,0.13773092920268787,0.0,0.0,0.22130605733345568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494249275594088,0.0,0.0,0.08106558317606642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761320905647801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22910723463625216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145386009052512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778401966188018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707155208248538,0.11951710685260772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172154874983175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548563679238227,0.0,0.06947845509619828,0.0,0.0755776584030833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050450057497008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880035373097094,0.1319657275904848,0.11820195566983195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878605335321029,0.0,0.0,0.11742697679231084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876760197783429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396701108075926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721134505098997,0.205130338764918,0.0,0.14142959330505553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162321995946348,0.0,0.10114003889170242,0.14150395249363776,0.0,0.0,0.14400830615656413,0.0,0.09219410101733017,0.1161161714819102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724736880040166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519271508476603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26917305526934937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882529877454613,0.0,0.0,0.22236052936229786,0.0,0.13902335815112374,0.0,0.14546250106983624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284511366291176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028715175026106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569112823848962
suicidewatch,PopPunkBea,2019/03/31,"A year ago, I promised myself I'd kill myself on the day I graduated college. It was supposed to be April 28, 2019. Graduation is supposed to be an exciting beginning to the rest of your life, but I don't want anything to do with my future.

I'm not graduating on time anymore, now. I fucked up my last semester thanks to my depression, and I have to withdraw from my classes. But I'm still thinking about killing myself on April 28.

It would be perfect. Ending it all while my classmates are at their commencement ceremony celebrating their achievements. I know I would never amount to anything, regardless of whether or not I make it to my graduation. My depression and anxiety have held me back for my entire life. I've fought and fought but always come up short. It's not worth fighting anymore.

I want to spend the last month of my life doing things I love, or at least the things I used to love before depression grabbed me by the throat and choked the life out of me. I want to finish my album I've been working on for 6 years so I have something to leave behind. I want to spend quality time with my family and friends so they have lots of good memories to look back on once they recover from the initial shock of my death. I want to eat good food, play video games, and snuggle with my dog.

I'm glad I made this decision now. It's given me a contentedness with living that I haven't had for a while. Maybe I'll actually be able to enjoy my last month instead of wallowing in self-hatred and fear of the future.

I wasn't meant to live past 22.",4.2650573698146514,5.4027471812297785,5.1628081788761415,83.06430052956753,70.71521035598704,8.59552809649897,28.932185937040305,8.97023862654752,2.209451779935275,1225,46,249,23,22,400,160,309,0.18,0.659,0.161,-0.4402,0,0,1,0,2,2,30.0,0,1,4,3,9,24,6,1,12,0,20,10,1,3,3,42,45,17,3,8,9,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,10,13,2,1,4,3,3,1,7,11,0,0,10,2,44,13,48,29,5,40,0,3,1,3,12,12,1,3,27,165,54,8,0.1070421102128228,0.0,0.10445765855768224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488637215231246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906761066173254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188692132566969,0.0,0.2123140205161652,0.0,0.0,0.17617307225254955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646175508770351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108495176716444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220729979216458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903330571443711,0.0,0.27658563802789105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953080183982808,0.0,0.0,0.09480753786699238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090977500480236,0.1204521334675001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943574456110646,0.0,0.08270046882099186,0.09895870603817017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795636869359902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368524706848628,0.0,0.05882754437994357,0.2617608196307583,0.0,0.11334213905479272,0.0,0.0,0.3024280322184061,0.0,0.0,0.18904028884058435,0.0,0.08988841333442339,0.0,0.0,0.09100337424085676,0.1932193673401613,0.10128583285332103,0.07145143976266713,0.0,0.10753818714627354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087998226114925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825574743329043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399635390010165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218380626537413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166826596876693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240624604617729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548396748789093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985499935229058,0.0,0.0,0.14222804332049727,0.06858826205340336,0.0,0.0,0.12483423054988953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245001489458501,0.0,0.0,0.3156810498448378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792793110031468,0.0,0.0,0.15207928781402225,0.0,0.0,0.13786321892723674
suicidewatch,d4n571,2019/03/31,"Should I get a rope at 18?  

This post was originally intended for [r/ForeverAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone) but this throwaway hasn't got enough karma

I get I'm younger at 18 than a lot of you here but I think I'm currently falling down the same path a lot of you are. After leaving high school at 16 and moving to one where I know no one my life has fell down the shitter. All of my old friends who may aswell be people who I met over the internet at this pointare doing their best to oust me and cut me off leaving me with no friends. I'm not an incel and I don't subscribe to their retarded world view but it's not like everything they say is wrong. If you are extremely unattractive like me there is no hope for you not just romantically but generally in life people see you as weak and a freak and you will be either bullied at a young age or as you get older generally left alone and ignored. I go through routines of motivational bullshit where I try and turn my life around and start to believe in stupid shit like nofap or loa out of desperation but inevtiably I give up and always fail. The more I reflect I realise that I'm probably fucked from the get go my grades are piss poor, I'm unnattractive, I'm socially awkward and I'm lonely. I have one last chance and thats university but many of you seem to say that the promise of change there is a lie aswell. Maybe instead of becoming a sad sack of shit and being my parent's disgrace I should just get a rope and end it",4.40454042081949,5.4394928870431904,5.053820598006649,84.35842746400887,70.29568106312293,8.258250276854929,28.619047619047624,8.563005593585519,1.8907359911406425,1193,43,249,19,21,384,167,301,0.307,0.628,0.064,-0.9982,2,5,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,8,3,3,9,22,6,1,15,0,19,8,3,3,1,49,44,24,0,4,15,1,0,3,2,4,4,2,0,0,10,16,0,1,5,0,1,5,8,14,0,3,3,4,33,8,37,34,8,35,1,3,2,1,21,19,4,8,13,161,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489444745227872,0.0,0.0,0.10034019921490828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735030168929613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331817280504764,0.0,0.13586317324836572,0.1265513350500265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756779674354082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680658396437928,0.12460128222879398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837814794296828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633443639080147,0.11148313291607947,0.3150154184434377,0.1156805230907084,0.13706768611281464,0.0,0.09644651129191403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740952279531131,0.0,0.11977267239433922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627288504263754,0.09829661083031856,0.0,0.2553739283608738,0.1310209425115255,0.0,0.2555279812901065,0.1767419475592462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504191439997027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222589171024701,0.1211484516234275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816765010892142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653848948402927,0.0,0.2451438814560921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390046901831054,0.0,0.0,0.16720327629495593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154914932984939,0.0,0.13001597400020126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179536435876848,0.0,0.1220431031777683,0.0960942905430049,0.1097802338218164,0.0,0.0,0.2475669626893081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292590092757602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535393256190689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726894015806035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187241598649457,0.1311668458838206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184578633102234,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilmemorycard,2019/03/31,i don't want to kms cause of friends+family but they cause some of the reasons to kms so i isolate from everybody which is terrible but i rather deal with sadness by myself then hope for someone ik to get it. and they never do anyway ,1.2264539007092203,3.81639721276596,3.030957446808511,87.28416666666668,87.51063829787233,5.686524822695036,22.72695035460993,7.1686216300943375,1.0272865248226952,187,7,37,3,6,62,37,47,0.225,0.7040000000000001,0.071,-0.8079,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,12,6,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6448876613922543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235991153922134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959005231390888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399067171456602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117561847615258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24208556448555846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227235273737057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26595165688755323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513605404380068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TeemosBoyToy,2019/03/31,"I thought it was getting better, it’s not I was happy that from my low I was getting steadily better, steadily happier. I thought I was changing for the better. But today my actions made me realize I’m still the same piece of shit I was before. I haven’t learned anything I haven’t grown for the better. It’s so depressing to see all of my friends and relationships go to shit because of me. The person that once pulled me out of my misery has left and I have no one to turn to. I want to cry with someone but I have no shoulder to cry on and confide in. It feels like I’m constantly choking now. I gave it a chance and lost it all. I lost everything meaningful to me. Why, why does it have to be like this.",1.4227413127413122,3.3306543243243247,3.2031274131274152,90.92662162162165,80.08108108108108,6.1204633204633225,26.11196911196911,7.1686216300943375,1.1720023166023172,552,23,120,7,14,184,79,148,0.19,0.652,0.158,-0.6364,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,6,3,14,2,0,5,0,12,3,3,1,2,20,27,7,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,11,2,21,8,19,15,4,13,0,4,1,0,4,5,2,0,6,84,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266895078797876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346179593055858,0.0,0.11650413785676092,0.0,0.0,0.4843589236477856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483736513638795,0.0,0.0,0.1479559126178723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007882535220543,0.0,0.0,0.11792424060113488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981478369187218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304990590986255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922807467294091,0.09781173153693533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577978725804116,0.0,0.1430643292410533,0.0,0.0778116539154179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574800937989338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875798262163187,0.0,0.0,0.13377899776706262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29891665582971144,0.0,0.0,0.12955179099006853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580945230003714,0.09277679470780494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954844249269715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699491220748975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109103113812335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810814914584108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600719420611118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093400802166572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738960651075975,0.0,0.0,0.1297789176097199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489236377520581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075570736185711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470880441914865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWThrowaway543210,2019/03/31,"How do I make sure my stuff goes to something good? I have a house (zestimate is about $340k and I owe $160k) a 2018 car that's paid off and about 130k liquid in a Merrill Lynch money market. Plus a few checking accounts for like $5-7k at BoA  Plus like watches and bicycles and shit.  I'm single.  I don't talk to my parents.  I have sibling who I haven't seen or talked to in about 5yrs.  I have no kids.  Ex wife is 3yrs gone.  I am planning on not being around come may.  How do I ensure all this useless crap I've accumulated goes to someone or organization that can use it better than I?  Like, does my 401k go to the state?  Or my company stock?  They're privately held but I have about 3k shares at about $18/share.  Does that just go back to the firm?  That's a waste, much like my life I guess.  It's fitting.  I'm late 30s/M and live alone with no debt other than the house if that has any bearing on things.",0.5733539205155758,2.360508403061228,2.400504833512354,96.22569817400648,82.31632653061223,5.350805585392052,19.49946294307197,6.339386263674448,-0.2029551020408165,701,18,170,6,19,232,124,196,0.112,0.7879999999999999,0.1,-0.6322,3,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,10,11,2,0,8,0,15,3,2,4,2,26,28,14,1,1,7,3,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,10,0,1,0,0,6,5,5,3,0,0,4,2,17,8,25,22,4,17,0,1,2,0,8,9,2,6,6,98,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803894444574724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118442788151206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504981749867913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392735365681865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404079218355107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003357276563978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048378100471268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979716813304234,0.14608703188739702,0.0,0.0,0.19186986030691114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019417162028686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647336276557584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302268443085138,0.3403661505952981,0.0,0.15379687939745684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626102066761528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803630432507693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933971582526693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878483702252562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475751903974,0.1340859513333561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938502653006773,0.0,0.0,0.16415484854423196,0.0,0.0,0.27998537067391993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571199641968966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042850260375884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dimeforyourthoughts,2019/03/31,"Sometimes I wish people didn’t care about me so I could kill myself. I don’t understand why people care about me, I see myself as so worthless/inconsiderate/unimportant that I can’t fathom why anyone would want to care about me. People obviously do, I know that if I killed myself it might kill others too. Figuratively, and possibly even literally too. 

Sometimes I wish I had nothing stopping me so I could just do it and be gone. ",4.243606271777004,6.411850085365857,5.671254355400697,75.26695121951224,72.53658536585365,8.10034843205575,26.34843205574913,8.841846274778883,2.200945644599304,345,12,61,7,7,116,47,82,0.162,0.639,0.199,-0.181,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,6,3,0,0,0,11,0,0,0,1,16,21,7,3,7,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,1,17,3,5,13,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,48,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143166363911983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437052442469929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23164255396860506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581297117604863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814732946004476,0.0,0.0797230206183241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538892847599021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919219180373507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30170597450838565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353712519742367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559670446419297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869427147162414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212794518361535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101605796600048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556211927885454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617942112098499,0.0,0.33363137506240864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304883814044537,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yungtwizz,2019/03/31,"Christmas Eve I’m set on the date. I’ve had enough, December 24th. If things haven’t turned around by then, it’s certain they never will. I’ll never stop thinking about her, I’ll never be able to love myself how I need to because I’m scared to tell the world the truth. Im fed up with being a disappointment to everyone around me, the one everyone keeps talking to only because they know I’ll be there when no one else will. Things have got to get better, I tried fighting this with drugs before and it failed so the fact I’m trying again says a lot about where I am. 2018 was the make or break year for me, and boy it broke. It broke me good. December 24th. ",3.1942335766423398,4.2284672919708015,3.8785474452554745,91.65650729927007,73.16058394160585,6.93985401459854,22.45912408759124,7.1686216300943375,0.4891436496350359,517,12,116,5,10,164,90,137,0.136,0.7509999999999999,0.112,-0.5442,0,0,1,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,2,2,10,11,1,1,8,0,10,3,0,2,6,22,23,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,4,1,10,5,16,14,2,18,0,4,0,1,9,6,0,3,10,70,17,1,0.16337990824053336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29088551377222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991897512518928,0.0,0.13902426841385318,0.0,0.0,0.1444962519113373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946882387109493,0.0,0.1364829488830386,0.0,0.0,0.16881511941486269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122330076319621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535925879864294,0.0,0.0,0.13703531552491566,0.13066983765861173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647833703279084,0.0,0.0,0.14521956929751872,0.0,0.0,0.08978932481527009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388997554652936,0.1474567459645795,0.0,0.10905735741633513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114413178105513,0.3780259718608661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142090825808936,0.12425778239755413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992626062222182,0.16357179000421074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659291895710418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131858152281034,0.14280124106318115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708470265330976,0.1046872482089793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184846631296454,0.17771042444401972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521130428619996
suicidewatch,August_28th,2019/03/31,"There is no escape I am a young adult well provided for but I can’t take the emotional abuse anymore. I have no escape. Ending it all would only pass my sadness on to others. I am a failure. Typing it out relieves me ever so slightly but once I realize that my post will be buried by other people who have it worse, I really have no reason to complain. ",1.7678571428571423,3.862083722222224,4.154761904761909,83.59500000000001,79.83333333333333,6.336507936507938,22.785714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.179354761904762,276,9,52,4,7,96,55,72,0.32299999999999995,0.563,0.114,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,1,2,8,11,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,9,2,6,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,45,16,1,0.0,0.33181725144141044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27773752527499945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31502215974287523,0.2480440140559575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533241558628081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29824752171914765,0.0,0.21299308089918065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194153629280663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682135550429092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940925329779633,0.2879413359347241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056515593804698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518014629330383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853981399230888,0.19894176060706734,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CollegeStudentTrades,2019/03/31,"10 thank you’s Thank you for listening
Thank you for being there
Thank you for teaching me social skills
Thank you for praising my successes
Thank you for accepting my flaws
Thank you for independence
Thank you for giving me opportunities
Thank you for showing me compassion
Thank you for the good times
Thank you for letting me go",4.2862142857142835,7.5006687166666675,3.8795238095238105,82.51500000000003,78.5,7.428571428571428,25.23809523809524,8.418075326091056,2.0933095238095243,273,10,47,6,7,82,27,60,0.0,0.46,0.54,0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,11,0,4,1,16,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,16,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,17,16,10,14,0,2,1,0,0,0,15,0,0,0,1,31,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927667128671173,0.05495877067835003,0.08111022375144558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988857782255766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985769380238573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9793464790033444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638853013388225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,am-i-an-adult,2019/03/31,"and so it goes I'm stuck here in this meat in an utterly meaningless existence with nothing to look forward to. Sleeping doesn't help because all I have is hideous nightmares, getting fucked up helps mildly for a few hours(but then I have to face the consequences of the stupid things I've said and done so it's not really worth it). I've lost the ability to make friends because the only thing I can talk or think about is how much I hate being alive. The only time I feel mildly okay is the two to three minutes of mild bliss I experience upon waking up because I usually forget that reality is going to come at me like a buzzard. Then I shift positions and it starts all over again.

My survival instinct has been a bitch to overcome. I've had a few pretty serious life-ending attempts that landed me in the hospital and I would never, ever want to live through that again(people shoving tubes down my throat, going into a coma where I could still hear everything around me but couldn't move or respond), so I'm scared to try again and not succeed. 

I've done all kinds of therapy, alternative and allopathic, I've been on basically every med and nothing helps. I've lived an insanely full life and done things that other people would probably love to do and I feel ungrateful that none of this has been enough to stop me from wanting to not be here. 

I just really don't want to do this anymore. There is nothing here for me, nothing anywhere for me. I'm not pissed or sad about it, I just wish I could overcome the part of my brain that says ""you have to breathe, eat, sleep, and keep going because that's your goddamn job"". 

​",7.1897334558823545,6.606139109375004,7.091176470588232,77.74911764705884,64.15625,10.154411764705884,35.07352941176471,9.478462496947786,3.095075367647058,1305,52,250,21,17,416,177,320,0.122,0.77,0.107,0.0291,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,4,18,15,5,1,15,1,29,13,8,2,5,46,55,20,0,9,10,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,19,14,1,2,3,0,1,6,9,9,0,2,10,6,25,6,39,38,10,32,0,2,1,2,12,16,3,3,13,175,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476871317858652,0.11749469599248648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589520197943564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860788213653632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357768703359924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794331158218748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832939587885084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440576764253736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29685688004745003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894286152053852,0.0,0.0,0.08564284139903054,0.0999115172112926,0.0,0.0,0.08746593053524522,0.08146949102731912,0.0,0.08690299971110255,0.09458601250222376,0.0,0.0,0.09778353439310628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470611824977627,0.08939273138988389,0.05051901206576965,0.0,0.16486155160537969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546603951588337,0.0,0.0,0.1089820024389564,0.0,0.194437343125804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595461175958944,0.08594673005342279,0.0,0.10069269460129948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659671256434622,0.04724016698078114,0.0,0.17076645844251673,0.0,0.0811992305676226,0.0,0.10555373392256732,0.0,0.08727078038641724,0.0,0.06454449151407554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740606072863657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027712086965124,0.07108176163040933,0.0,0.07457694651364914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711248534794841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708141791661422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471098337206113,0.0,0.1340719189923997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837331558360823,0.10425328689805577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389025620457322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197884305962224,0.07689554033637774,0.09680830584922602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352914871819665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844103647787163,0.0,0.07722054632403012,0.08084113449450839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771957134796585,0.0,0.0,0.11057886516194458,0.0,0.192719071140955,0.061958086677830065,0.0,0.0,0.056383481992502885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564938299707522,0.0,0.09445671319763968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649559801319387,0.0,0.17109919333083026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119418192722992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737834163150814,0.0,0.11749469599248648,0.0
suicidewatch,lebong-james69,2019/03/31,Unless I have always loved the Lorax. I think tonight is the night.,1.0223076923076917,3.6190070000000034,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,94.3846153846154,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.3058923076923077,53,1,10,0,2,16,11,13,0.0,0.7190000000000001,0.281,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974262622526987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395473560858741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610046987928142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38305285809459255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Em332,2019/03/31,"I’ve tried I’ve tried overdosing, I’ve tried harming myself where I wanted to bleed out that didn’t work now the only one left is to hang myself it’s the only way out of this 😭",1.8394166666666685,2.7066247750000048,3.770000000000003,91.78166666666668,76.25,6.333333333333334,18.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.21116666666666628,141,2,33,1,3,48,28,40,0.101,0.899,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35048685975546695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185902689876064,0.4906770962464878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6570370834534843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026753241592365,0.2560509951756222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348439218005446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IllusiveJack,2019/03/31,"no one would care im fuckin drunk and have wallowed in sorrows for too lomg/

mo one care about thir tradies just that their ficlkomg house gets fuckin built",3.6660000000000004,6.327832266666667,1.2900000000000027,103.625,76.33333333333334,4.0,23.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.4166666666666665,128,4,27,0,3,33,27,30,0.191,0.638,0.17,0.0516,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6697197656581633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159296897922482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789682086602878,0.0,0.0,0.3547645825206521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451101330636924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333097634936262,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Combustible-Mango,2019/03/31,"Well I think I'm off soon Way back when I was 17, something just snapped in my brain and I've never been right since, no matter what fixes I try. I'm now 24.

My depression wavers at times. Even giving me a merciful month last summer before coming back with a vengeance. It was mild enough a few years ago to even let me try out for a degree and get damn good grades. 

But now, here I am in a repeat of my final year with bare minimum grades in what I could pass and 6 weeks to fix everything else and well... 

Despite all the help I have from my uni and professors, I just can't fucking do it. My mind simply won't let me.

I hate my prospects if I pass and my prospects if I don't.

I guess I'm just done putting up with this world and almost everything in it.

I can't seem to even get myself to write a note. I guess I'm just gonna head on out and let them find the body in a week and a half.

So um, thanks for being here. Please, keep being here if you can. I hope you find a way to survive and be fulfilled here. But should you be overcome, maybe I'll see you over there (wherever that is)",2.2556256231306087,2.971277478813562,3.424117647058825,95.2393270189432,75.0593220338983,6.739381854436692,21.509471585244263,6.794906146795322,0.14112941176470573,839,18,207,7,17,272,137,236,0.048,0.831,0.121,0.9219,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,1,1,21,9,3,0,11,0,22,4,3,0,2,41,41,17,0,6,9,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,16,0,1,4,0,0,4,6,4,3,1,4,1,30,5,24,26,3,38,0,1,1,1,8,14,2,8,18,136,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662326763754017,0.0,0.12044564931136288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497978989884628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235163353524973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360685304731112,0.0,0.1342751616637241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361280952014207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603586877278278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359922729756976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309086122799595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048067813817037,0.0,0.0,0.1242840795689288,0.0,0.23833656905303816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620449037986408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176370914840094,0.2198722349534415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119932567382212,0.12568538824303094,0.11538603037793205,0.0,0.10088733827565226,0.0,0.0,0.2650096897937653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875416551057548,0.12344464933277847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062289146343185,0.0,0.0,0.11946776212710072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691270170644074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804637306507748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689913242897596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084003897785828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121451137483687,0.0,0.09600842391403727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276935645876183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203417482901206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091723547474904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272068335499288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584965931599933,0.10950076172051844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994990098487778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259942210755512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107400577840993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707223340749822,0.0,0.0,0.07013775146172495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332797995259316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909494586838473,0.1929668930863372,0.0,0.21629700587273792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491610181339746
suicidewatch,sfasfasfasfawafwfa,2019/03/31,"I hope there is no afterlife I'm going to hang myself tonight. I know no one cares, nor should they. No one knows me, so how could anyone possibly care? I'm no one, anyone that says differently are just spewing empty words because I mean nothing to them. You can pity me, but you can't care about me.

So what's the point of this post? There is none, I simply have nowehere else to share my last thoughts, which I felt was something I had to do.

I just wanted to let someone know I existed.",2.0235555555555536,3.8797746000000046,3.139333333333333,92.34522222222223,78.0,6.044444444444442,23.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.5990777777777776,380,12,83,4,9,122,71,100,0.078,0.772,0.15,0.8463,2,1,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,2,2,0,8,6,0,0,1,0,12,0,0,1,0,15,26,5,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,4,2,17,5,7,19,1,6,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24339283498585804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609630963430967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323518979221257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896089221797725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184014090979625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539239206325305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711064048059596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891387113017124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286610751390338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869519926879062,0.14187002891695738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797296051719155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958619433425308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700101800331849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538124993040337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452892563089452,0.19620975886215652,0.16668714572675994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840769105807368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474678930530017,0.1339884615963587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817241018175602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265634039471057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,khaii_minh,2019/03/31,"hi im just suddenly sad sh and want to post sth. which is why im doing this. I guess itd be gone soon, or i hope. i dont know. trying not to be messing again. srry",-3.7311666666666654,-2.3053504499999997,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,103.5,3.6666666666666674,11.666666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.4893333333333336,122,2,35,1,6,46,33,40,0.083,0.804,0.113,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,7,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520428277458486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33090215772360865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983448665370159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6489233468984867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508085398621514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28768076611713245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393813156421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717175804271013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710460016440737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ijwdf,2019/03/31,"Goodnight I'm going to hang myself tonight. I know no one cares, nor should they. No one knows me, so how could anyone possibly care? I'm no one, anyone that says differently are just spewing empty words because I mean nothing to them. You can pity me, but you can't care about me. 

So what's the point of this post? There is none, I simply have nowehere else to share my last thoughts, which I felt was something I had to do. 

I won't be responding to any comments or pms, I just wanted to let someone know I existed. ",1.8525714285714296,3.892789352380955,3.0021428571428608,92.24035714285715,79.28571428571429,5.723809523809526,23.833333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.6687904761904768,402,14,86,4,10,129,77,105,0.061,0.812,0.127,0.8318,2,1,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,2,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,13,1,0,1,0,15,26,6,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,4,2,17,4,8,17,1,6,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193074265973683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245348000123564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694857714599837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366282599270689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007715963803047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833008556599368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465603234703804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684530337290511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970844239386717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892570668382248,0.14300966531849685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794026103582715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911091328290293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834253065869498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566546612927548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658505800647912,0.19778590419210126,0.16802613705839714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951951463481474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865249687852078,0.13506478567542732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928234375640652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103480974767846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swagyolomoney919,2019/03/31,"14 April for me 2 more weeks and I’m out 

I have had enough , the frustration the sadness 

I have been trying to do things to enjoy life with recently but they aren’t working 


Spending money on things I like just do not touch or do the said things 

I have tried meeting up with friends and family to find a happy place but that rdoesnt work , I love them so much and used to push for everyday for them , I wanted to make them happy and proud but recently the suicidal thoughts are becoming more and more real 

I have picked up volunteering and have helped out many people in need in my neighbourhood recently , brightening up people’s life , had a fear of needles my whole life but started donating blood since a year ago , I waNted to help people live the happy life I never could but in return I just get bullied and outcasted by so many people i have met , I’ve always tried to keep a Low profile not to offend anyone as my favourite thing in this world is silence and calm but somehow it doesn’t work for them 


It all ends today , too many people have done me wrong 

People who I have never done wrong to 

I had enough
I do not want to do this for another day let alone fifty years 

This weekend I will prepare personalised video tapes and funds for my loved ones to see after I die , for them to have somewhat of a closure and at least something to tide them over with 

Probably gonna end myself the week after , I will go on a trip to somewhere far away where I will never be seen again 



That is all , 

C if you ever see this know that I have always loved you and always will , you will be the last thought on my mind as I end it all ,never ever blame yourself as there was nothing you could have done , you have helped me through dark times in the past and I am grateful for the happy memories you’ve made for me 


Goodbye ",5.7262570123939955,5.5491518931506905,5.833502935420742,84.1966210045662,67.05479452054793,8.815394651011088,28.88780169602088,8.269060116576782,1.7818897586431832,1431,42,295,17,21,453,185,365,0.098,0.731,0.171,0.9874,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,7,4,12,19,2,1,15,0,41,8,1,4,9,58,65,25,2,7,13,0,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,0,15,17,0,1,4,2,4,3,9,7,0,1,14,5,43,12,51,40,12,54,0,2,3,3,23,21,0,4,31,216,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611211588517166,0.0,0.0,0.07724407707503515,0.0,0.0,0.18617367481069735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820534299781202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521492105059025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700718974035541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823695518605673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909472718511835,0.0,0.0,0.048098982011908674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774039580591139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289687081127969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817156420067572,0.15412552350346406,0.0,0.0,0.13492671024055494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030892411351934,0.08392506980493147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816625957567103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057621583104420435,0.0,0.038965823955251236,0.0,0.042386459632804935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175741321657446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997148544202107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629158045353697,0.0,0.0,0.040988113920552335,0.060793983544328724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626477075965661,0.2107168464703539,0.036436817643887294,0.0,0.06585694657359945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019385015218064,0.07057094256250047,0.049783817829699664,0.2268422033585264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530618647894846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482608025892846,0.055301334367577684,0.2300878065618419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156308642414302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053844335474545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119660587887386,0.3102330734021033,0.0,0.07792193050612127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041161253781644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489022407726997,0.0,0.0,0.22092108905844693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094421010456314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188638075845743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169469587017426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057416583274166925,0.0,0.0,0.05278926229277293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158019922765856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819488655403866,0.0,0.0,0.11841896833314702,0.043489148806862665,0.0,0.07069466558869207,0.0,0.0,0.15190809535059302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441458303923249,0.0,0.0,0.13197053492524705,0.0,0.11964977139036567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326772755015477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288894689721098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308661096024232,0.0,0.09605625022094537
suicidewatch,BrokenAlternator,2019/03/31,"Well I wrote my letters So Im sitting here, after writing my suicide letters. Im having my only friend take care of some things for me after I go. I know he will do it and I know the pressure it will put him under. I hate this existence. It truly is only pain. I have reached my breaking point. I know how im going to do it and everything has been set up. I just have to send a message and I can do it. I feel relief rather than fear. ",-0.9618771929824559,1.0722804526315777,1.90592105263158,95.49853070175442,91.84210526315788,4.008771929824562,19.49561403508772,5.46131890053228,-0.2581754385964912,333,11,76,2,12,116,62,95,0.16399999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.155,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,2,0,12,1,0,1,0,13,22,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,16,4,9,18,1,12,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,2,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332402573260413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041276244048326,0.0,0.0,0.21336837270332606,0.09587449381792942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649524210294101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155239176452942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720448738521012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6144467055963749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126205502503939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884198567846585,0.20176257671988296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924644042732987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061435854282774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740684987783975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256606802226982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597106121105262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704856833159076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fearlessobsene,2019/03/31,"Why can’t I do anything right? Yesterday I swallowed about 6 liters of water in an hour, the amount it should take to kill a person, and nothing happened. I feel so powerless. One of the only times I try to take myself out of my misery nothing happens. Wtf is wrong with me? How did nothing even happen? I should have at least been vomiting or something....I fucking hate myself. ",2.2305821917808224,4.798341972602746,3.3249143835616444,87.47723458904112,81.32876712328769,5.293835616438357,25.56335616438357,6.6274283507984215,1.159056164383562,296,12,54,3,8,95,59,73,0.248,0.7140000000000001,0.038,-0.9588,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,4,0,8,4,0,1,0,8,16,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,9,0,10,12,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,3,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464172687109778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241190495333006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501773949711018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737285385899888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4985297479554228,0.0,0.0,0.1855315893384302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506284221188732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079050709173472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409414509458997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733910848410118,0.14292123862370534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408404855575626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048221600348234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825841362603166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957736467912617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275849970136051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695681089410235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546046006599744,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princesspeachkitty,2019/03/31,"The void taunts and teases me I lost my fucking job. It was a stupid, silly serving job but it was all a part of my plan. I want to leave this stupid town, I hate it here. I feel ostracized and on display, it's too small too tight. I hope somewhere else will be different but it probably wont, I'm a fucking mess and I destroy everything around me, different setting wont change that. I want to break my sobriety,  I want to take so many pills I float off into Neverland and NEVER come back. I know people would care but man I've fucked every single one of them in some type of way, such forgiving fools. And I DONT FUCKING CARE. But if i really wanted to try killing myself again i wouldn't even be questioning it, I would just do it. Some part of me wants to live, wants to see what else life is gonna give me. Because I live for the high and nothing beats the high of really, truly living. But it's so goddamn hard to be happy, there is constant pressure, constant judgement, constant pain. I feel vulnerable and weak and trashy. If it's not pills, its alcohol, if it's not alcohol its sex,  I need a rush to block out the never ending sinking feeling, the thick darkness that wraps itself around me. It's silly, how much my astrology prevails, even in suicide. A libra through and through, the scales ever tipping. Maybe I'm just a fucking pussy. I dont want to be a pussy, I just dont want to be here",1.944093567251464,3.987197000000002,3.3491228070175474,89.85163742690061,79.0,6.3274853801169595,24.239766081871338,7.3871296695380915,1.0556783625730994,1095,39,229,15,27,358,152,285,0.24,0.6509999999999999,0.109,-0.994,4,0,2,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,1,3,19,24,11,1,13,0,19,13,0,1,4,55,49,20,2,16,13,0,6,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,18,14,2,2,6,0,0,2,10,17,0,1,3,7,30,7,26,34,7,27,0,1,1,6,6,13,5,7,9,152,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881228398350382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489486822617604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432868857184511,0.0,0.05099781454268264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059206837795768,0.0,0.08850024138255909,0.07206491216494455,0.0,0.27121731954309425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481191974530655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941435476346187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977289637906504,0.0,0.07409713660805023,0.0,0.0,0.11051210105550074,0.07567445098211864,0.07048640502144668,0.0,0.0751874101332164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690167305727654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867074773185856,0.0,0.08025343760831836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905667400813175,0.07494212668354909,0.08259604721052614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678087745750212,0.0,0.08309236883069318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660375078541755,0.0,0.09255640569904844,0.0,0.04597685680174597,0.0,0.0,0.08858291386887196,0.0,0.0,0.05909090068563224,0.0,0.0,0.2216175700021437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132379676089064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481720270274037,0.08404681655944245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061499068875229115,0.0620321670836551,0.12904611998769272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027316853835505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056689575363436724,0.0,0.08901918722590109,0.0,0.0,0.18118931862927928,0.0,0.057998690460284864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901986659355622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371734504412917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718833107866174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666547612826355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150948357902436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290123623348988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567990414692565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947544661732109,0.06640470435906917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885805725932493,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clbg1928,2019/03/31,"Might die tomorrow Just done with caring about anything at this point, don't talk to or have anyone that cares about me anyway",10.783750000000005,8.200753208333339,8.52,76.72500000000002,58.58333333333334,11.266666666666667,32.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.4361333333333333,103,2,19,1,1,30,23,24,0.13,0.664,0.206,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986872516619768,0.0,0.2587631725383848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6411995551293005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32634644736086554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217885593238514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33357868384452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972541499303445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527406697597681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaybushytail,2019/03/31,"Making Sure your Kids are OK Is there any way?

I feel trapped to an extent.  My elderly parents may not be around much longer so if they die, I wouldn't be exposing them to any sadness.  Friends and college naturally get over these things.

But what about my kid?  Is there anything I can do to make sure she manages?  She realises none of this is her fault?  I keep thinking that making it look like an accident will at least give me some plausible deniability, and kids in low-double-figures will always generally get over the loss of one parent.

It doesn't feel right to feel trapped like this.",3.6471052631578935,5.793733885964914,4.175298245614034,85.4324210526316,74.17543859649123,7.3670175438596495,27.18947368421053,8.238735603445708,1.7692378947368423,469,18,93,8,10,148,85,114,0.173,0.695,0.132,-0.8165,2,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,1,5,9,0,0,3,1,13,0,0,3,2,20,25,5,1,2,3,2,3,2,1,4,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,4,13,6,12,19,5,7,0,2,1,0,13,6,0,3,2,62,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681570908572184,0.0,0.0,0.2563216174753809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508839319837814,0.16777137988253016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955940857066432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587656466547856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560548513127927,0.0,0.1969275189910264,0.1807901857661588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751392815023156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414629462935256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582608444405515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774000933111064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854145588956088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277069140761401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185301037930831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094575196797553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35524692513627965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520596039049905,0.12075901519027613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495925806370518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pepperprince6,2019/03/31,"Wny not help each other out? Everyone here talks about how they're alone and how no one cares about them. I came here to post about being suicidal and whatnot but I've vented about this so many times I really don't have the energy to anymore. Nothing ever changes. I'm alone. I feel like this forum has a potential to be more than just where we post our suicidal thoughts and everyone just goes ""same"". I feel like we should be helping each other out and making it so all of us aren't alone. That's just my idea though. I've zero thought into until writing this. I'm not the best at organization right. At one point I started a club, but that was a different time. I just know there's a lot of people here with no one but we coudl all be each other's someone.",1.855192307692306,3.931385416666668,3.216000000000001,90.529,79.44871794871796,6.467692307692308,21.297435897435893,7.554174236665415,0.7105466666666667,599,17,128,9,15,195,95,156,0.175,0.755,0.07,-0.9433,1,4,0,0,0,0,15.0,5,0,1,1,19,4,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,3,3,40,21,13,2,1,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,15,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,2,13,4,17,12,9,16,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,7,94,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207369041185712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429197378625107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210617580728088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487485719457172,0.1380612051597341,0.0,0.14324757415019693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414763567017176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248759279059752,0.0,0.2587832751593911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693640105437208,0.19347622421745084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815271535811094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286327410939082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441870328275761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231058770180446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512214519137748,0.0,0.0,0.0903883300054357,0.13728616265409962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993113332609948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752753220857575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938773904176185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800778119641684,0.0,0.2593738650711728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674817245895328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564081196341018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473385433619213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958450651009754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29623674081901075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883875754678428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330412617548978,0.2150034540383161,0.1579192478751651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288354601279662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,halibuddy,2019/03/31,"There's no way hell can be worse than life. Really struggling today. Bipolar, manic, hyper sexual, feel like a failure as a mother. It's getting hard to hold on.",1.5888709677419364,4.280231677419359,3.8002419354838723,81.62036290322581,87.06451612903227,5.680645161290323,20.65322580645161,7.1686216300943375,1.1275741935483872,126,4,21,2,4,43,29,31,0.44,0.498,0.062,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608378659009168,0.2770450396505444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026099637761715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34739343354264896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27391524351837754,0.1894599306157382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484351860360036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054137001181272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675899077751481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078183028897876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952022467226491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,25shrmUtopia_ld,2019/03/31,"How bizzare is it that after billons of years of evolution and fine tuning, there is a life form (Us), which often make the decision to exit physical reality by their own hands Strange how separated and lost a person can feel in human society. Billions of people to talk to, connect with, millons of things to see and work towards, but so little to make me feel human and connected to everyone and everything. So, so many things to make me feel separate and divided. Im but a tiny, microscopic, insignificant mote of dust, here on this stage (earth) only for a brief time, part of the continuous evolutionary flow. All other creatures on this planet are my distant kin, and we are all here on this rock, drifting endlessly through the cosmos, for the same purpose, to live. What made this place special, what would make any planet special is life. Living organisms. We search in vain through the cosmos, looking for any hint of life, but so often ignore what is here, what used to be here. Earth was our Eden, our spaceship that could continue to carry us through the abyss, and we have completly neglected her, her fragility, her potential, her beauty. What else matters in the universe besides just to live, and to see the life that was created for all of us to experience. Where might u find liquid water, meandering through a planets crust, harboring so much beauty and creation. Where might u find a gentle wind that sweeps through a young maple forest sending leaves curling about your feet, or the sound of a woodpecker in the early morning, as he pecks away in the distant woodlot, or the echo of chirping frogs in the marsh. We have lost our way, we are no longer connected to our life force, to our oxygen tank, to the things that made this rock so unique. Get outside and watch the flow of a creek for some time, or listen to the chirping of the birds, this is what eden looks like in the cosmos, and we have destroyed so much of it. ",11.483892857142855,8.086945063888889,10.17190476190476,67.93500000000002,58.08333333333333,13.285714285714285,42.93650793650794,11.062562989136584,4.611484126984127,1533,62,275,27,14,480,189,360,0.07200000000000001,0.845,0.083,0.6289,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,14,1,1,3,20,10,1,0,27,0,19,8,2,9,3,55,37,28,0,2,7,1,5,1,0,3,5,2,1,3,24,19,1,2,6,2,0,5,1,6,0,1,6,12,23,4,57,26,10,32,0,3,5,0,28,17,0,8,9,199,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424005985703961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837007602254648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977705109215367,0.0,0.0,0.0835952628741741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746428610552816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004633302037827,0.09409854588103536,0.10241771016803684,0.0,0.0,0.15881997908164222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913897121413266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470197335579514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309509274225607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086328642251464,0.0,0.0,0.369767213650986,0.051151640735606185,0.1049379505851202,0.27735881634892784,0.0,0.1758450122198956,0.0,0.2285871122388506,0.0,0.0,0.19814131605072893,0.2795550356740743,0.10615042366646107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221425207523172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393462666005894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962986086834739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338102603868352,0.0,0.07258651981292304,0.0914209118464977,0.10939030498297808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686635044409184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841547319960537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867616098631445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210403978785167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778273880620602,0.09042808408679599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310681414318259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622360595922469,0.0,0.0,0.07437661660729464,0.0,0.0,0.06742403864317137
suicidewatch,yugyeomslita,2019/03/31,"It's getting rough again I thought I was somewhat getting better, but I think I just mistook emptiness for healing.   
And today it hit me like a bus. I'm not okay, and I haven't been for a while. But I haven't felt this bad since I last tried to end my life. Things were so cloudy and dark and now they're exactly the same but in a different way. It feels like everything is so grey. I'm home alone at my boyfriends house and I'm considering overdosing on my antidepressants. I can't reach out to anybody because I don't deserve help. I deserve to die.",0.9269838056680156,3.2614814824561407,2.32122807017544,94.03949392712549,85.05263157894737,5.612955465587046,24.55870445344129,7.010146845296331,0.9038469635627528,435,18,96,6,13,140,77,114,0.204,0.7070000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9343,1,1,0,0,1,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,1,8,2,0,0,1,18,18,11,1,0,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,4,14,4,9,12,2,11,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,8,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24063132960457764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399190534751948,0.14163063574573384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548342364460825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411293920481225,0.24274298370901895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578184886635348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088097459221536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747669838712199,0.16598178324000126,0.22308020262648007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24277325544020015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573076629824206,0.0,0.23305321297715284,0.0,0.0,0.2680860010526952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893858745702928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410667605941434,0.2270164964930845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219178037908247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435455014239693,0.14887233329147787,0.0,0.18444983019686484,0.0,0.0,0.22022855370558803,0.0,0.0,0.1577417468802759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441850065969004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ecnedaC,2019/03/31,"Weak. Whore. Garbage. Leech. Addict. I think I've been called those more than my own name all my life.

Where do I even begin? Literally every family I've ever known, including 4 different foster families, has abused me in more ways than one. Every friend I've had has either wanted to use me to feel better about themselves, or just use me to get their dick wet. Every boyfriend I've had has ended up sending me to the ER. I've been hooked on uppers for as long as I can remember. Done a lot worse than that more often than I'd like.

I've reached a point where nothing really matters anymore and for the fourth time in my life I've reached a point where I'm pretty sure I'll try to kill myself again. I'm so fucking done with the world and want to end this.",2.136043956043956,4.007973410256412,3.278791208791212,91.40192307692308,77.71794871794873,6.252014652014653,20.75824175824176,7.1686216300943375,0.4203934065934067,596,15,128,7,14,192,100,156,0.14,0.75,0.111,-0.8267,1,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,2,0,6,0,11,7,1,2,3,21,22,6,1,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,6,2,12,4,20,16,7,20,0,0,0,3,5,11,2,3,8,72,15,0,0.0,0.17139434011262214,0.0,0.15769697576189576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346041280926744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279369502288777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771049627857422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113529098533154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960677189112551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562455081725217,0.0,0.0,0.09554427738542072,0.13085011806976374,0.3656381103398631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727386150662062,0.0,0.07314269077295701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176128046311594,0.1337326360717279,0.07557706930140126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004102384165553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435037799985334,0.07067187634366641,0.0,0.0,0.12801648180957154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298181348448023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880184718564748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802301217068954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734943662748737,0.0,0.0,0.1471677015297094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267068076026062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386765557395333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633707273465293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269006695016907,0.0,0.0,0.08435038912586028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821229207540323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24987360267128994,0.0,0.0,0.17064434507604362,0.1148216246435025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474173679909609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paramitepies,2019/03/31,"Instead of committing suicide I decided i'm going to try hardcore drugs. Bought some Meth, Oxy's, Xanax
Any concerns are appreciated but I've tried everything and I'm too far gone. Might as well go out on a high. ",1.134285714285717,3.771838619047621,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571429,91.38095238095238,6.609523809523811,26.04761904761905,7.793537801064563,2.039447619047619,170,8,33,4,6,57,38,42,0.068,0.7859999999999999,0.146,0.29600000000000004,0,0,2,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,8,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,5,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,15,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150736936798077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36677150905736783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842420893691449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594858024903937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341554515576557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33551131765731657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459468382207547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294516380543278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28436371865143817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,replicant64,2019/03/31,"Any advice is welcome to help me get through my issues Never reached out online like this before but I don't know what else to do. Below is a list of things going on with me and my life that are currently urging me to just end it all and be free of pain.

1. I'm in love with my best friend of 5 years which has stopped me from even trying with any other women. I have confessed my feelings for her and she gently rejected me but it somehow brought us closer. She says that she loves me so much but doesn't fancy me enough to date me. I idolise her too much and I can't seem to move on. I know I must cut her out of my life for a while but I just don't have the strength to do it. She is currently single and I know that as soon as she finds someone else and it's not me then it will just destroy me. She is the most free spirited and fun human being I've met, but she is also so spaced out its difficult for her to notice the little things I do for her which drives me crazy. She also seems to go through stages of being really clingy towards me and spoons me when we stay somewhere together, then other times she's so distant and says she wants a bed to herself. She is such a mindfuck which makes me want her even more.

2. Because of the 1st issue, I am still a virgin at 24. I've had opportunities with some very nice and attractive women, but I'm scared of intimacy with anyone other than my best friend because I tell her everything and don't feel comfortable sharing or even touching any other women. I like to think I'm fairly attractive, confident and great at talk to women, but whenever I get the chance with someone else my best friend pops into my head and realise that the women I'm with are not my best friend, I can't stop comparing all other women to my best friend I'm so deeply in love with. It's all fucking with my head, I've been single for years now and I'm terrified to get with anyone else. I get this sudden urge of anxiety when it comes to getting close and intimate with someone new so I do nothing as I keep thinking if I wait long enough I'll end up with me best friend. Then when it comes to anything sexual, the anxiety of not being good enough do to lack of experience really hits me and I start having anxiety attacks and start crying because i think I'll be alone and a virgin for ever.

3. I lost my job 2 months ago on the day of my birthday due to stupid mistakes I made and I haven't managed to find another job since. The isolation in my flat alone with no job to go to has driven me to insanity as I'm constantly living inside my own head. I'm slowly improve with this issue as I've started volunteering and going on hikes but it's still tough.

4. Due to more mistakes I made in the past, I'm am currently 4 grand in debt. As I lost my job I have no income so I'm struggling greatly financially as well. I had plans and dreams and even some savings to to achieve those dreams when I had a job but now all my savings have gone as I've had to live off of them. 

5. I don't really have any friends, maybe just 1 or 2 that actually give a shit. The rest are just a circle of people I chat and drink with, and I'm always the one who makes the effort to arrange the meetups. Whenever I try and bring up my problems to get help from them they don't seem to care. My best friend I'm in love with is the only person that allows me to be myself and let it all out, that's probably one of the main reasons I fell for her in the first place.

6. I've lived alone for years now which has made me feel so alone all of the time wherever I go now. I'm very aware that i exists and i constantly question why the fuck do i exist? Why do any of us exists? What is the point of all of this thing called life? It all freaks me out, I just want to be happy and not have to think about this stuff.
 

I know this is a lot to read but this I all making me just breakdown and cry non stop every day now and theres only so much I can take. A friend told me that complete strangers on this reddit page helped them get through more stuff than their friends and family. Any advice you guys could give me would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks.
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suicidewatch,PirdBussy,2019/03/31,"People are getting paid for their personalities meanwhile I'm being ostracized for mine So and So is soo funny and charming! Okay but why though? If I knew what made someone so great Id follow suit. So much of it seems abitituary or superficial. I am who I am, fuck you if you dont like me.",0.12896421845574224,2.5076766610169514,2.5666666666666664,88.33704331450096,95.94915254237287,5.334086629001884,20.114877589453855,6.937597516519254,0.6866821092278714,229,8,47,4,9,78,47,59,0.109,0.691,0.2,0.7328,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,5,5,1,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,9,14,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,4,3,10,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3713532966741136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292860109752505,0.16554437148487844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493352579255592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480001353733874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998171511789676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329258841765275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196683056120865,0.2766667537524881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845413185321145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26847136745340555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31130976709284064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859135830301003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psycho_kitten_,2019/03/31,"Not worth enough to be alive The thing is - I don't despise this world, I don't despise life. But I'm not good enough to live it. I'll never be good enough. ",-0.9064285714285704,0.9772817142857164,0.633928571428573,106.10232142857143,89.0,3.5,14.464285714285715,3.1291,-1.6605714285714286,120,2,32,0,4,38,23,35,0.179,0.636,0.185,0.05,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8074583036852866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369683781968352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398971559161306,0.0,0.0,0.2300148483194651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090368093263666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305602954683558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matash95,2019/03/31,"I want to end my life with all my power I don’t know, I am taking care of my family since I was 16. My dad died last year so officially My family is all my responsibility now. Despite any traumas I took, I failed in all of my relationships that’s why I keep distance from everyone now and I am not sad about that but the problem is I can’t get hurt anymore, I tried so many time to cope with being hurt but I get hurt from little things so I stopped developing any feelings even  for my friends, and that’s a reason. The other thing is I dropped out my college to work and give money to my family but the problem I can’t event give money to myself, everything is so expensive. So what I do? All of I am thinking now is committing suicide because I can’t live this lonely all the time, at the same time I can cope with that but I don’t want to, all I want now is to end everything. I am so mad and angry and very sad and so calm. Going to a therapist is not an option because I believe I can maintain all of my issues and I can live with it and now I don’t want to.
I do drugs to survive but I got bored being in drugs to survive.
I just want to end this.",1.3841809523809516,2.763731060000005,3.8264571428571434,88.83246666666666,78.4,6.841904761904763,23.50476190476191,7.62386473244151,0.9317161904761906,895,29,206,13,21,313,109,250,0.195,0.71,0.095,-0.9885,1,2,2,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,5,15,15,1,0,8,0,25,3,0,1,8,44,43,20,2,7,8,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,11,13,0,2,4,0,3,2,8,12,0,0,3,1,40,3,28,38,8,23,0,7,0,0,5,5,0,1,15,149,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618804270510805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659701891876233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104467684004698,0.0,0.0,0.12109967498224768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958892392023233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155327761965164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24929877806868825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856015127897669,0.0,0.0,0.07099334892876621,0.0,0.0,0.1027072761695052,0.19320259018356603,0.0,0.3039841034272904,0.0,0.05434804375239057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304325280139073,0.0,0.1123137753250024,0.2062203231842989,0.06108665005375275,0.0,0.0859662032865331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345197275815109,0.0,0.0,0.11218723647774473,0.0,0.0955383066138716,0.0,0.0,0.05907137782015414,0.08761526275885989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592039045178121,0.0,0.10772899661612284,0.1898238392072067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897371797525557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056987647517229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051329129449253,0.0,0.11539951035434573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891335415702525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898629312546137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175720058883726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808159354373731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479928376724525,0.14281756228585252,0.06887255255151647,0.0,0.0,0.1880274812273532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194206648403421,0.07297579416793974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868703151932908,0.31698951167516354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698920488439064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825093345795106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921732309745987
suicidewatch,sibzxcookie,2019/03/31,"I want to die I hate my entire life. 
Here are some problems
(I'm 14 btw)
I'm invisible to everyone. I'm just quiet and when I'm hanging out with my best friends I'm ignored and forgotten. I don't know what I do wrong I try to be normal and talk and make jokes but when I say something they just pause for a minute don't say anything and carry on.
I have social anxiety and people always make fun of me because I want to be a teacher when I'm older and say I could never do it and I'd be terrible at it. Half of me thinks it's bullshit but the other half says it's true and i should give up i wont have a future.
My mum loves me I know she does but she always says hurtful things. She calls me names and screams constantly for no reason and i know she's stressed being a single mother but it affects me so badly and I've told her so many times to stop but she just fucking doesn't.
I've had treatment for my social anxiety and depression for 2 years. My therapist is moving away. My favourite therapist ever. He was so fucking good and understood and actually helped. I can't stop crying at the fact he's leaving and i need to find a new one but they won't be the same as him.
My online best friend left me at the beginning of February. A best friend who was like a brother to me. He was 4 years older than me. He just ghosted me one day. I know he never wanted to use me for sexual or romantic things ever. We talked every single day we played stupid online games he said he'd be there for me always and then one day he just left. I thought it was because of something mean I said to him (but we were always super mean to each other as a joke and laughed about it) so I left it for a few weeks and expected him to be like ""lol hi"" but after a month I had enough and demanded an answer. He said I was too young to be his friend. It made no fucking sense he said he'd always be there and that I was like a little sister to him and then he just goes and fucking does that. He also won't block me? It doesn't make sense why would he hurt me like this. I don't care that he left anymore and i don't miss him much It's just the fact someone who was like a brother to me fucking left like that for a stupid fucking reason. It angers me.

My anxiety will never get better and I'll never be normal it all hurts so so much and i want to die
I have tears pouring out of my eyes writing this and my head hurts so much it's all terrible.",-0.02174550493007388,2.041227222433463,2.2219301411355303,95.01149223432371,86.66159695817491,5.087014242443772,18.801185796223496,6.455189473607208,-0.07070029000451061,1893,52,435,20,59,639,212,526,0.177,0.653,0.17,-0.5454,0,0,2,0,0,2,33.0,3,0,2,5,25,48,10,1,19,1,43,10,2,8,11,100,86,51,3,12,16,5,0,6,4,6,1,11,0,0,27,34,0,4,13,4,0,2,16,24,0,5,18,12,70,24,42,49,15,45,0,6,1,7,65,14,6,2,35,287,97,0,0.0,0.0,0.0583271548404445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779825782219919,0.2486682350565301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371722630638566,0.0,0.059276040265660974,0.0,0.0,0.04918583379081284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615612971744224,0.0,0.04990567309915763,0.07287079526014709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817561083491685,0.05286194055021514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061032121360966265,0.0,0.0609397667294688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459042065710931,0.0,0.04772169155028252,0.0,0.06565482744134662,0.11564062512458805,0.0,0.05148004004253227,0.0,0.12406419322079301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461072008100024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061758659400810136,0.0,0.0,0.10813124980731627,0.050359024548421887,0.05711304780896063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054628937661534836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471342807806373,0.3315398707722932,0.03122749555326186,0.057337082709536115,0.0,0.05013246092364351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901076055463341,0.061341533681852724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006274746587389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559412114692992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139269393205222,0.0,0.0,0.0632880784987679,0.3247028288233991,0.0,0.04221750445792615,0.1752043886852541,0.05990550585718666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053944996052151487,0.056556068148098076,0.11969134426773766,0.06059766548934024,0.0,0.13021467758021052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770805378034894,0.06352633060986196,0.13181406194217565,0.04431889275679619,0.18439404655015373,0.05772649257282009,0.0,0.0,0.1171243348571248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150563146886093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04143717466903183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719206965493169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290757042005875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274208299164027,0.2376585611763113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218565124070534,0.05064314997924987,0.09202813732036616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099941232606107,0.06846663446065668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608214687612568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879576454854906,0.07941741390677562,0.038298371189477765,0.0,0.047450912513642016,0.03485252108465752,0.0,0.0,0.05711304780896063,0.0,0.040580085234972814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162231671869391,0.0,0.0,0.14101619912781233,0.0,0.04794409978770525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539333657955576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042459080027410015,0.06534939982798932,0.0,0.07698017960770821
suicidewatch,Lifelacksluster,2019/03/31,"u/Em332. Please, help her! I was talking with a girl late at night. She made a throwaway account to tell us she's ending her life, bullies had seen into making her life impossible. They even burned her...! I am ashamed. It was night and I fell asleep. When I woke up the account was gone, she had not responded so I went to bed. Possibly costing her life in the process...

She'd just told me she had overdosed and I wanted her to call the police. If anyone knows a girl Em, she is sixteenth... I was doing my best to convince her to talk to her cousin whom she lives with, because she doesn't get along with her parents... If anyone recognizes her by my words... Godsake, help her!

Em, I'm so sorry, sweetheart, please, tell me you're ok. I didn't leave...",0.16502857142857152,2.557206626666669,1.4343809523809519,97.50100000000002,92.73333333333332,3.923809523809524,19.80952380952381,5.622346879071545,-0.22504761904761936,574,19,124,4,21,181,93,150,0.032,0.8079999999999999,0.16,0.96,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,6,1,13,4,1,2,0,16,24,7,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,1,0,0,14,1,33,4,15,9,1,12,0,0,1,0,36,4,0,2,5,79,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257469063230225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840434979783412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694075892901852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483493003933122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429763336955129,0.0,0.0,0.10662095568877132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433890105805021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640211837513512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871601145843817,0.0,0.18209659272179213,0.17092779603659755,0.0,0.0,0.34206181459430945,0.0,0.0,0.14254292447234584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274605123677784,0.10775372005614152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029764509667657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924548683939293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543965567629236,0.0,0.18198459316229126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070421645635545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25949768097826736,0.2821884798555886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542503362162989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417670420240146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521377759495488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964436857348848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,18272919371617368391,2019/03/31,"I've been robbed and I feel like my future has been taken away from me I've been dreaming for years about the idea if staying abroad, and after years of saving money I finally moved far away from my home country (Argentina) to Italy to study. Since I just arrived I've been staying in hostels until I find a room to rent.

A couple of days ago someone broke into my hostel room when I was away, broke my locker's lock and stole all the money I had just taken out for the rent deposit, which were 1000 euros that I had saved for years. The police wasn't helpful and the hostel didn't offer any assistance.

I spoke with my parents and they insisted that I still try to study here, that they'll send some money to help me survive for the first month, but I'm honestly too depressed to do anything now. Even though I managed to find a place to sleep for free I've been crying non stop, I feel like the only way out of this pain is death.",10.387045624532538,5.8030662984293215,9.507973074046378,75.4939267015707,61.40837696335079,11.961406133133886,37.23335826477188,7.957251820313856,2.8645012715033658,737,19,153,5,7,234,114,191,0.139,0.775,0.087,-0.9068,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,2,10,10,0,0,10,0,15,2,1,0,1,23,21,10,1,1,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,5,0,5,9,0,1,5,1,8,2,2,4,0,1,14,3,20,7,29,6,2,31,0,3,0,0,8,11,0,2,17,97,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912013839278927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905482058791122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986701016357534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105613457860098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117168840445914,0.16000232712675186,0.09393962257563897,0.0,0.12545804365630342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962080524637628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473016704671672,0.2081212212638385,0.0,0.15956506246108204,0.26626395940546704,0.12389960454620852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526767719731675,0.0,0.1461103693353299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644341128875814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232571061386287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626562623081195,0.15481513130899252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107821408188136,0.15499411472794047,0.0,0.1617398670864957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218527369867985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204927048877686,0.0,0.1457667032962604,0.0,0.12341852329058373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105115739284458,0.1163254686846216,0.12177954322687612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311169233792562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889460266113856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561932530102755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28140370692936845
suicidewatch,decadentdaydreams,2019/03/31,"Why am I so weak I'm so tired and I just can't do it anymore. I always pretend to be happy so I can spread positivity to others but why doesn't it work on me? I can make people laugh alot giving temporary happiness in a snap, I don't have anyone to talk to about this cause they think I'm fine. I've tried the hotlines but it doesn't work, I don't know what to do anymore. ",0.8867857142857147,2.1030731547619084,3.4185714285714286,91.92642857142859,79.35714285714286,6.2285714285714295,20.333333333333336,6.868970318607317,0.13937619047619074,291,7,71,3,7,102,53,84,0.067,0.6990000000000001,0.234,0.9438,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,0,3,0,12,2,0,2,0,9,18,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,8,17,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128393988481425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321337672134544,0.15233863249471635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238108342657241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089991963131764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463849869830245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973476036589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542883113607502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510424980494518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511434597120706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396012566466572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504076456904654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479183244008846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931846397850085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31722154152288323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,startledgrey,2019/03/31,"He’s suicidal I’ve posted on a few different subs, including this one, and I’ve deleted posts too, but my boyfriend is suicidal and I just don’t know what to do.

I’ve been suicidal before, I was for years. I think the main thing that helped me is becoming a weed addict. Sure, I’m an addict now, but I no longer want to die. 

My perspective on life in general has also changed. I’ve become more positive despite being known for being negative.

He wants to die. He tells me at least once a week.

“I still might just end it all”
“I genuinely want to end my life”
“I’m going back to bed. Do me a favour and slit my throat while I’m sleeping”


I just scrolled through my texts with him over March, and those three stood out.

He keeps saying he is going to kill himself, much like I used to. I hope that him saying he is going to kill him self is going to turn into a “used to” for him as well, and that he will be happy, and alive.

His unhappiness was starting to get to me the past few months, and I got close to wanting to break up with him, but I truly don’t want to do that. I’d rather stand by his side and maybe feel some unhappiness due to him. I do love him. I got caught up in the idea of “love” not having to mean “being there for everything no matter what” and that you can love someone and not be with them, which I still think is true enough, but I don’t think love ends. I won’t let myself live in toxicity, but I’m not leaving him right now either.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

He won’t try anything to get help, he won’t let others help him.

He has better moments and days, his depressive and suicidal thoughts are almost out of the blue, he will be chilling and gaming, or doing something productive and then all of a sudden something hits him, there’s this moment that is like touch and go it can either go away or it will fully surface as suicidal thoughts. 

I’m trying. 
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suicidewatch,Truejewtattoo,2019/03/31,I just moved to a whole new country for my girlfriend found her doing Cocain in the bathrooms. I think I am more then just heartbroken this time I don’t know what else to say. My life seems so meaningless. I thought she was the one for me...,0.14102040816326422,2.531870040816329,1.1073469387755104,99.59122448979595,93.48979591836736,4.4326530612244905,19.244897959183675,6.18269132825596,-0.12949795918367354,188,6,42,2,7,58,40,49,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.8521,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,10,0,5,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737662126475738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35932570833338634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010516032976875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314768099069375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483122118058664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165119426040397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207009722053367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606143887211075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29834202329953163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099883662334208,0.0,0.2601713672293786,0.19109491433656145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36588527712655583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,applecory25,2019/03/31,"Feeling empty after regrettable purchase just spent 3 years saving up $1500 for a gaming pc, i am unsatisfied to say the least.

always told myself it would get better when i was saving up, and that i would be happy once i finally got it. but now that i've actually got it nothing has changed.

i don't know why i thought it would fix everything but it didn't at all, now i just regret spending the money on a pc instead of a car which is more sensible.",5.899677419354839,5.116298752688174,7.270451612903226,76.06567741935488,66.84946236559139,10.020645161290323,32.578494623655914,9.3871,2.79986623655914,356,13,71,6,5,123,68,93,0.106,0.8290000000000001,0.065,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,10,0,0,0,1,15,18,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,8,4,8,7,3,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.21778733508094805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185700099311862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19738081158136467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360903477332468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057597048556225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284436310372795,0.0,0.0,0.24447812153007226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660011629919625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569880639130725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237574732069485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265155371819192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414314783557886,0.0,0.0,0.2376748863381631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747831122347554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717661373634302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325398975297452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138139843597644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4756129412340042,0.0,0.0,0.14371786363210634
suicidewatch,kangalittle,2019/03/31,I'm drunk sorry Is anyone there ,-2.185714285714287,-2.414866,0.946428571428573,94.51107142857144,137.57142857142856,1.4,3.5,3.1291,-2.6255142857142864,26,0,5,0,2,9,7,7,0.481,0.519,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297738614455909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8481389365717317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Clouddaddy10,2019/03/31,"My instinct fails me. I just feel that what I feel is the right choice never really works in my favor. I don’t feel supported. Which is okay, but I just wish I did something right",1.0166216216216206,3.248656000000004,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,83.5945945945946,5.8621621621621625,17.35810810810811,7.1686216300943375,0.02943783783783749,140,3,31,2,4,45,27,37,0.052000000000000005,0.7140000000000001,0.234,0.6808,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,3,1,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,21,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807360898867324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444299024723547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302844683924234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412995750491305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439821572418419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596395041857772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644448360324289,0.0,0.0,0.23072310233127505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trotofant,2019/03/31,I got everything to end it right here I cant stand this shithole of a planet anymore. I think today is the day to end it for good. I got pills to take and a razor blade to slit throat open. I dont want to be here so i dont have to right? I have noone to care about me and i cant stand thinking of my birthday tomorrow any longer.,-0.7912999999999997,0.9563148533333354,1.5969166666666688,100.311375,87.13333333333333,4.816666666666666,17.375,5.985473137389443,-0.6315,254,6,66,2,8,86,47,75,0.019,0.888,0.093,0.7076,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,6,15,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,10,2,11,12,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506734487885176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21155966275216093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174976000370664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757605682476504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000272778229934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37788273593502975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172147231072756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789256920402971,0.3412286977601684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643543316789027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039277851814038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733782640166253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220580401950425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582377043222556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,turtletwiggles,2019/03/31,"I just wish someone else could say “I know what that’s like” (Hey, this is my first reddit post. I see a lot of people finding understanding and relatability here. I feel lonely and I’ve never told anyone the full story of my experience.)

The first woman I confided in about my suicidal thoughts laughed at me. I was in a program for troubled young women. The woman I confided in was the director and owner of the program. She did not believe me.

To this day I don’t really know why she laughed. It wasn’t mean-spirited laughter, it was ‘I find this funny’ laughter. I was crying and I think it made my voice sound funny? I think that’s why she laughed.

When I contacted my therapist about it, she contacted that same woman, who assured her that the situation had been discussed and handled.

A week later I swallowed all my pills.

All the suicide survival stories that I hear talk about either feeling happy that they failed, or ashamed that they failed. But I woke up in that hospital bed feeling a whole different emotion. I felt proud. I felt so proud of myself. I didn’t think I could do it. I was so afraid of needles and hospitals. But here I was, in the ICU with a bunch of needles jammed in my arm. I felt so sure that I could really do it next time, that this was a step in the right direction.

The doctor sat down and informed me that he heard I had done it for attention. That sounded understandable to me. I didn’t really fully understand my feelings. I know now that I did not do it for attention. No one tries to end their life just for attention. No one does something so dangerous that they wake up days later in a hospital bed just for attention.

But I agreed with the doctor, because I didn’t really understand that at the time.

After recovering, I was sent to an inpatient facility. A lot of people hated it there, but I felt safe and happy. I felt like I was in a world far away from my problems. I would watch the snow fall in the clouded skies at night, behind a pane of thick unbreakable glass. I didn’t have to worry about my parents or the program.

I was discharged on the 3rd day. I repeated to the doctors that I did it for attention. They believed me, and wanted to free up space for people they felt really needed to be there.

When I got back to the program I was basically told to get out as quickly as possible. My room was trashed. The bed was flipped over and things had been stolen.

I kind of think the staff did it. They were really nasty and commonly bullied the girls there. It was in West Virginia and one of those ‘heal your heart through Christ and farmwork’ programs. I knew all the other girls in the program, and even though one was known to steal things, none of them were strong enough to flip a bed.

They were kind of assholes, and if I could save other girls from that place I would. But I don’t feel like anything I could do would make a difference. It really set the tone for how my whole experience was going to be: I don’t matter. I don’t have a place. Accepting and understanding has limited reach, and I’m out of that reach.

I moved back in with my parents. I lost a lot of friends. People don’t really know how to deal with a suicidal friend. A lot of them were freaked out and scared by me. All my chill gamer friends stayed. They’re the reason I keep going. Everything hurts and I cry at night, but I want to try for the sake of my loved ones.

I ended up in the hospital a second time. This time was much better. I spent two weeks in inpatient this time. They changed a bunch of my medications around. They helped me get off Seroquel. Seroquel made me gain a lot of weight and I feel really insecure about myself because of it. When I look at myself in the mirror I see two eyes peering out from this gross blob of flesh. I feel trapped in my body. The withdrawal effects from going off the Seroquel is some of the worst I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t sleep for days on end, my depression and anxiety were through the roof. Also, Seroquel is an antihistamine and going off of it can result in antihistamine withdrawal, which can cause literally the worst itching ever.

The hardest thing about having attempted suicide is that suddenly it’s an option. It’s suddenly on the table, and it’s very real and very possible. “Should I withstand this pain or should I end it?” It’s so easy, it’s so simple. We’re fragile beings.

I spent all my time in bed. I couldn’t enjoy any of the things I used to enjoy. Even the things in life that used to make me happier than anything couldn’t elicit any emotions from me. I would let trash build up in my room. I would shower once a week. The days that I did shower were dedicated entirely to showering. It would take all my energy, all the preparation. I would sit up in bed for 15-20 minutes just trying to build up enough motivation to get into the shower. I was thinking about using carbon monoxide poisoning for my next attempt. I still think it’s probably the best way to die.

My doctor started me on Lithium, and that really turned things around. The depression became a lot more manageable.

But once things had cleared up in my head a little bit, I was hit by this massive train wreck of anxiety.

I was horrified that I had tried to end my life. I want to live. I want to live and I came so close to dying by my own hand.

I was sick with anxiety, I felt like puking every night when the lights went out and the thoughts hit me. I wanted more than anything to die just a few months ago, but suddenly I want to live...

Jesus Christ, Pokémon for the Switch is coming out. I want to live long enough to play the shit out of that.

The anxiety was so high and so ridiculous. About a month ago I was eating a sandwich. Then the thought hit me “what if I suddenly had a heart attack right now.” That thought scared me so much that I started choking on my sandwich. Then I panicked because I almost choked on my sandwich.

I was obsessed with the concept of death and rebirth, and I still am. I filled my notebook with drawings of zombies, of dead plants and saplings, of spring and winter. I researched the crap out of death. I read accounts of people who had died and come back. I read accounts of children born with memories of past lives.

I came to the conclusion that death is not an end. I think the finality associated with death is misplaced. Nothing in this world truly ends, it just changes. When something dies, it doesn’t disappear. The body starts to decompose, new colonies of life and bacteria spring up and feed on the dead flesh. Our society is built on death. It is through death that evolution takes place. Our cars and factories pump away on the dead bodies of old animals. Death will not cause me to disappear. Death is not my end, it’s just a change.

I’m at a place now where I feel okay when I’ve slept well and taken my meds, but when the meds fade away at night, I feel miserable. Sometimes I wonder if the change that death brings is worth the gamble. I think right now it’s hope that keeps me going. I have hope that I can get on the right set of meds for this haunting misery to go away. It’s such a long process tho. I feel like I have so many doctor appointments.

Suicide attempts aren’t just isolated events in your life. There’s a shitton of stuff that happens afterwards. There’s so many complicated feelings and shitty things. You have to find reasons to live, you have to decide in your head what you’re going to keep living for, and how you feel about what you did. It’s just weird and shitty.

I guess I was also hoping I could share my experience here and meet others going through similar situations. I haven’t really talked to anyone going through the same things. Even the therapist I’m going to right now seems a little judgy. No one in my life can honestly say they’ve even thought about taking their own lives. I feel like I’m in pain, I feel miserable, I feel ashamed, I feel self-loathing and scared and alone. But people just give me this confused look when I ask if they ever feel that way.",3.151215342344095,5.127512252217997,3.98487977944918,87.00823665732288,75.08365019011406,7.344941855624324,25.3965751713802,8.201301871457554,1.541383414282146,6306,219,1271,108,137,2017,535,1578,0.191,0.7040000000000001,0.106,-0.9995,9,4,2,0,2,4,178.0,2,7,14,19,78,73,7,11,96,1,111,44,18,18,14,247,239,91,22,35,33,2,28,6,3,10,19,7,12,8,96,68,7,5,66,3,7,24,26,35,1,11,82,43,193,39,203,131,37,214,3,9,6,1,66,98,2,23,91,883,289,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273221372148116,0.0,0.029784144971529432,0.030805633177086914,0.0,0.04757225336374919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045364289724465,0.0,0.09101578105247628,0.0,0.0,0.04159514904318089,0.0,0.0734299026872821,0.05295662189551938,0.02780646192656339,0.033837895714227365,0.11178121348201113,0.06861349800491127,0.0,0.05439468025951127,0.0,0.0,0.06702221215980564,0.031214310044578437,0.026305996742692347,0.03247255410256195,0.09911605532709422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803802555544504,0.0,0.061110204655961675,0.12586009488347355,0.0512433443183612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248814736019655,0.0,0.06534439178120803,0.09591153471940722,0.030664578269978725,0.051236627016599916,0.0,0.15434697576277553,0.062151934452922275,0.0,0.15222032988948506,0.02602902232739064,0.03043826054694345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03043535926545725,0.024847149744432646,0.06691560105027937,0.21075360921943814,0.09219996898264524,0.0,0.07858206546857185,0.08071497968881143,0.025060456009509072,0.0,0.026731832663888552,0.08728550683956032,0.0,0.0,0.25566932375916984,0.06374698511169627,0.19991116001943846,0.03258290720918698,0.0815559535588349,0.05060016592502762,0.0,0.0,0.06894001790480958,0.0,0.062159685229580784,0.02853298791707714,0.16904101603223104,0.0,0.023788854578212604,0.0,0.03276617737878272,0.0,0.026302366853414284,0.06332571112556848,0.0,0.029365870014918832,0.06105149256462562,0.0,0.03352345330148001,0.07049315337750046,0.019936659406959576,0.03142598492218592,0.0,0.08862699068737741,0.0,0.0,0.03184138060934616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931303683765616,0.0,0.061947234767641426,0.0653857149891572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03041507700421361,0.12605366241140972,0.08718798496777735,0.0596222547090007,0.2101147443409613,0.052644699556600734,0.04995464486119183,0.0,0.03246889936649907,0.15172282186555827,0.02684496398849424,0.056288654143147966,0.03970846926494782,0.060311141603402875,0.0,0.032399745910026104,0.09911605532709422,0.02996377520339904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047482475833586966,0.03161297955966592,0.043730268544821184,0.02205466988849064,0.02294027204370416,0.028726772225570126,0.06326579217843689,0.1116502621436046,0.0,0.028540002973442405,0.0,0.03121114164276286,0.06335240731598846,0.1209311165034642,0.0,0.06329905532274398,0.0,0.06605399703448075,0.0,0.028393847233460768,0.12372374194259378,0.0,0.12430386890584455,0.0,0.0,0.06706338881399024,0.028486363086611993,0.0,0.03206887482922118,0.028460824222321213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595037496426654,0.033854985421144665,0.20960122029229586,0.06116321333400498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270053232354923,0.0,0.04730696808406554,0.08933627519322904,0.0,0.04740395630496398,0.027077661835221988,0.031029297112971727,0.0,0.03053160967098398,0.0,0.06686661265271622,0.02976530635488923,0.0,0.02520184700991657,0.04579650038170503,0.02941740418441135,0.0,0.06315849880504701,0.03170296067523172,0.04750691528279441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034049564301070034,0.16267458859529488,0.0,0.028033203737073728,0.0,0.06709096582923267,0.04781392087475992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906974833141583,0.17784428539888025,0.15246914014498456,0.029223157751927374,0.1180663760192366,0.1040631838239112,0.0,0.0,0.0568430002375929,0.0,0.08077642091064158,0.03235274122843919,0.05811079156241435,0.15482185773266738,0.0,0.07706734644912698,0.0,0.049083542488311316,0.12280575331790353,0.04721852879029844,0.07157610861723605,0.036219966693259706,0.02674327141185339,0.027572824432775637,0.053678352711726135,0.06641583840552387,0.03420393167506438,0.0,0.032255910206327516,0.0,0.03020629881798707,0.0,0.14790412279443851,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,djfnfnf,2019/03/31,"Dating is literally impossible for me and I want to die I'm a younger (22) nonbinary person who just inherently is not conventionally attractive... or inconventially attractive. I'm in a Canada which is just distanced hell. No people. The people who are here are more likely to want me dead than want me. 

Did I mention that I've never had any relationship, sexual or otherwise, and have no desire for sex? Reading any post about sex difficulties makes me want to eat lead. You'll never get that from me.

So what am I supposed to even do? By my decent fair estimates, my dating pool is about 200 people. That takes account of location.

Everybody tells me to focus on myself. Fuck off. I can't wait any longer. This isn't a desire from expectations, it's from total loneliness that none of you could ever understand. It makes me want to bash my skull in in the most painful way I can.

I have tried everything that isn't ridiculous. I have made no progress. I don't think anything will ever work out for me. And I can't be alone. Every wish and desire I have in life involves other people, from living somewhere nice and adopting older kids to just having somebody be there for me always. And everybody attacks me for this. I get called an incel regularly. That's about sex. I have no desire for sex. At most I resent people who receive intimacy so easily when the idea of ever finding anything is so slim that I'm seriously considering suicide over waiting and getting worse and worse until I'm feral.",3.5636725146198844,6.009040501754392,5.129473684210527,77.08742690058482,75.56140350877193,7.730994152046787,25.994152046783622,8.626192665926032,2.191643274853802,1193,44,209,25,27,401,157,285,0.16399999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.122,-0.9594,1,1,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,2,0,3,16,11,5,0,7,0,28,9,1,4,6,45,50,15,3,12,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,17,9,1,2,4,2,1,2,13,7,0,0,3,0,29,4,35,42,5,23,2,0,0,5,13,9,2,4,11,150,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221912223165658,0.0,0.0,0.09816842813802497,0.0,0.0,0.24069039797153846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941742172579695,0.0,0.0,0.13421875843854722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047030089253648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941970623331506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244413559625687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072252269290032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792437325153849,0.3201577442260935,0.09940285057637012,0.0,0.10603240287857388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078311618664098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090701833154023,0.18491832013369044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318453975319522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833324379288435,0.05763884369940054,0.0,0.1041780950020008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163509304885,0.15750451769362345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198618838191494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553854837048048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40896078894183,0.10301518334501786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299178643390492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801146659540528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266658729808578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290504675299989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870593108676922,0.0,0.1031193178184339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559652520682741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010036304634444,0.0,0.0,0.12282086155428945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34793694616918586,0.09364666708373308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567064813707685,0.0,0.0,0.08589050999942242,0.0,0.24046246036792834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,messythehoe,2019/03/31,"I really did try I wanted to love myself. and be happy with who I am. I really did. But I don’t think i’ll ever will and I’m tired of living this way. I don’t see another option. I think suicide is the only way i’ll be free and happy of myself. The thing is I just can’t do it all of a sudden. I guess i’ll take some time to really numb myself, accept it, and drift of entirely from life until I can finally go through with it. I will never be happy alive with this body. My days are numbered.",-0.6185757575757584,1.2302520818181826,2.895909090909093,90.62719696969695,87.27272727272728,5.848484848484849,14.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,-0.16569696969697034,379,6,87,6,12,139,64,110,0.107,0.706,0.187,0.8803,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,16,5,1,0,3,19,25,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,2,1,15,7,12,18,2,11,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,7,63,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271994672519884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355631193377987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237906636376664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762223117959015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908861484855773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903225724862033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919598321989988,0.0,0.0,0.5564881466498671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230803724057644,0.0,0.0,0.15386899805233278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727055136911924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439501108726618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252760883697765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33489368634522715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885744731031568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060500325567167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101691615073516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576625625621878,0.22330916282523794,0.0,0.0,0.10160859409997736,0.2002787190723889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830666135076105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277920572729396,0.2766285721549744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PTsTentacleChow,2019/03/31,"I’m so tired Idk if anyone has time or even cares to read this but here’s the story. 

April 26th, 2013 my best friend committed suicide. His dad died of cancer, and his mom was an abusive drunk, and he couldn’t take it anymore. I became severely depressed as a result to this loss. He was my only friend, and he meant the world to me. My parents played my depression off as me just trying to get attention. They said I was making it up, and it was all in my head. As months went by, I got worse. I became suicidal for the first time and I guess I never really snapped out of it. 
I attempted suicide for the first time on November 3rd of the same year. I swallowed a fuck ton of pills from my medicine cabinet and prayed it did the trick. I was 14, and not really sure what I was doing. I guess I didn’t try hard enough because it clearly didn’t work. I threw up a bunch of times but my parents just thought I was sick. 

My second attempt was in March 2014. My parents caught me and drove me to the ER, where I stayed for 4 days because they couldn’t find an open room at any psych hospital under my insurance. I spent 4 days trapped in a room with just a bed and a sink. Three cold, white walls, one giant glass door, one uncomfortable bed. I was so cold and bored. Not even a clock to tell how long I’d been awake. They let me go home, and my parents SCREAMED at me. How DARE I do that to them? Don’t I know how hard they work to keep me and my sisters warm and fed? Don’t I know their whole life is dedicated to their children? How dare I try to take away the life they gave me? 

They made me see a child’s behavioral therapist for a while. She was only trained for little kids so when a 15 year old shows up she wasn’t sure what to do. She tried to get me to open up to her and I refused to talk to her. Sat there in silence for the whole hour session. She tried to get me to play board games with her and she treated me like I was 5 years old and I was just so sick of her and the sound of her voice. She determined I needed a higher level of care so she had me transferred to a Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). IOP had several other people my age who were going through similar mental health problems. I was there three days a week. They had individual therapy sessions on one day, group therapy sessions where everyone would share their shit on another, and family therapy sessions on the last.  The family session was awful. My parents would blame me for everything and tell the therapist about how everything I said was bullshit and I was making everything up and how awful I was and how I couldn’t be like my golden child sister. 

I made friends with one of the other patients there. She was MTF transgender, and she seemed totally cool. As we grew closer, we eventually started to date. But when I asked my parents if I could go to a movie with her, they freaked out. How dare I ask if I could go somewhere with someone with a penis? I could get pregnant! And they don’t want a “tranny fag” fathering my child. Well we hung out anyway, but only after my therapist chewed them out for being the reason I have no friends. I went to her house, and she suggested we go up to her room. She forced herself on me, and she raped me. I tried to fight back but she was stronger. I tried to scream but no one could hear me. I didn’t leave her then. I couldn’t. She swore she’d kill herself if I left her and I couldn’t go through that loss again. I’d still go over, and she’d abuse me more. Physically, mentally, sexually, everything. I still have scars from her. I finally worked up the courage to break up with her once she left the IOP. I blocked her on everything and moved forward. 

I contemplated suicide about two weeks after I broke up with her. It was about a month in to my junior year of high school. I was 16. I called 911. I was scared of hurting myself for god knows why. I was actually put in a psych hospital this time. Stayed there for 5 agonizing days. I was so tired but I never really got to rest. They woke us up at 6:30 AM, sent us to bed at 11. Food was awful, the atmosphere was awful, and they threatened us that we’d stay longer if we didn’t comply to everything they told us to do. I got out, got the same “how dare you” rant from my parents. 

IOP pulled me out of my school and had me do a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) with them. I was there 5 days a week and did all my classes online with them. It was actually a really big help to me. But the insurance funding ended, and I was put back in public school for the next semester. 

I was alone. I wanted someone to care about me. And I let a classmate use me for sex for almost a year. I convinced myself that he’d love me if I let him, so I did. After graduation, I ghosted him. I started talking to a different classmate who was a mutual friend and we kind of hit it off. I was desperate to cling to the attention he gave. I started college and he became my first real boyfriend. I sucked at college. I couldn’t bring myself to go to class and I dropped out. I got a part time job at a big box retail store near me and just slept when I wasn’t at work. 

Then I met someone. He worked in the department across from me. He reminded me so much of the friend I had lost so long ago. I started talking to him and we were instantly close friends. I told him everything that had happened to me and he told me about how he was molested as a kid. He promised he’d always be there for me. But he developed a drinking problem. He was drunk more often than not and I was worried I’d lose him too. I clung closer. I tried to control myself but my anxiety about losing him and my clingy attitude drove him insane and he left me. He said he couldn’t stand me and he never wanted to talk to me again. That was maybe two months ago. 

And just like that. I’m alone. Again. I’m so tired of being cast aside and treated like shit. Im tired of feeling unloved. Im tired of trying so hard. Im tired. I want to give up. I want this to be over. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I just want to disappear. 

I’m so sorry for the long wall of text. If you made it to the end, then thank you. ",1.2257793041827227,3.284102617809304,2.7942419786179222,92.82632545931759,81.52955082742317,6.234833057215368,21.81245695351911,7.400519732996638,0.6670782636213022,4758,150,1065,71,127,1558,446,1269,0.208,0.7,0.092,-0.9995,10,3,1,0,2,5,144.0,12,3,19,17,60,58,9,1,57,5,94,28,4,19,10,173,182,98,7,30,28,12,5,4,7,2,13,8,8,6,27,73,7,4,11,8,4,24,25,27,2,13,86,18,224,31,160,69,16,167,1,10,2,4,151,70,4,13,73,716,251,26,0.0,0.08692639512065631,0.07159437093053662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503429444930815,0.0,0.0367325912814896,0.07598477201498277,0.0,0.0,0.03052308295849565,0.0,0.0,0.02494560666106504,0.0384651832416212,0.02806229194057741,0.0,0.07275909181036294,0.025649512694695776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858705542221281,0.0,0.034464759956250014,0.05641371902213755,0.0,0.04472306904159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849640451647042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03745730738407852,0.0,0.11220187943981448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411429532152805,0.11715313375493094,0.0,0.0,0.1419444825048798,0.0,0.06318979714347825,0.0,0.038071023234996566,0.03832578722329347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035935243182655605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498026211560297,0.03790320633167865,0.0,0.04845737380864091,0.0,0.0,0.03505205029281553,0.2307773612673758,0.0,0.06916268239174972,0.0,0.018547959151218825,0.0,0.0,0.04018428645246778,0.033527474785801516,0.09360728076009728,0.04435706694813964,0.0,0.1983876379126797,0.03391271834314746,0.07666113342876969,0.03518954746559092,0.16678174398238094,0.0,0.14669319416615187,0.0,0.08082062470902693,0.0,0.03243853709031468,0.0,0.09858192755457984,0.0,0.037647203329908736,0.038992170989761966,0.04134425579933428,0.0,0.024587751711997726,0.038757461759213074,0.03679590534725472,0.0,0.0361252336239691,0.04232710201093025,0.07853953308913139,0.0,0.11887136966423545,0.0,0.03640208405912149,0.032605416609365334,0.04058415600197992,0.03819955983147043,0.06047983113097271,0.029901431633464374,0.0,0.0388418583069633,0.11956812311128233,0.11253214689816646,0.05182038592814232,0.07168558125001114,0.03676586847801208,0.0,0.09738954570281884,0.0,0.08207748745935715,0.04004368132539959,0.0,0.03310771858981554,0.10413064375703014,0.048972195552942216,0.0,0.03685286922019347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739354016722723,0.0,0.0,0.042962529088151284,0.08783974054797893,0.03898808102315196,0.02696612715628029,0.02719988019251513,0.08487626262292157,0.0,0.039012643948846085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698499389444899,0.03906605489029686,0.12428629617038847,0.08369691732925434,0.0,0.0,0.28512386951630536,0.03972396895495866,0.0,0.02543128035032312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020109690522773,0.0,0.07375282403268295,0.0,0.0,0.036692792716215984,0.04175313219514717,0.09399993262990343,0.037716095577162906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468141703619056,0.0,0.036725948055253185,0.11137505581871902,0.02923149470532575,0.03339470332293794,0.0,0.08288239400932149,0.07530886921765075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324381948571613,0.0,0.0,0.041063465005807265,0.10385728490895177,0.11729716243420082,0.05858996804492219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050040531208426,0.0,0.06914633380739814,0.0,0.05516189970293089,0.1179371920689286,0.06412488316447564,0.03377265434101576,0.12585016199760998,0.12777490361726662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02912209793866433,0.12834044430377894,0.25296934789837666,0.0,0.10515615087844657,0.0,0.2241473216366956,0.0,0.07166765933843057,0.0,0.17649988371763564,0.031682218184325615,0.0,0.0,0.15145553273239878,0.0,0.08827434683351358,0.0,0.03298230179985294,0.06801076823481557,0.03310058074032778,0.08191021931633756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352781600892275,0.037253230860522686,0.03738297416708497,0.05211691077967493,0.0,0.0,0.1181128144388757
suicidewatch,kittyhans,2019/03/31,"Rough day Ive been  physically abused,ive been suicidal  since i was in 7th grade, ive made god knows  how many attempts on my life, yet im still here. Today has been  mentally and  physically draining,  i told myself  tonight  im gonna do it, no one will  care, i can finally escape  my hell, but yet,i keep  pushing,  i never  thought id make it this far,  im 20 years old, and  im so done.  I tell myself  just  do it, be done with everything,  yet i stay to what? Continue  being  abused by my parents and  ex boyfriend? Im fucking done with  life, let me die already.  
",2.991474358974358,3.5345672393162424,4.737681623931625,87.14447115384618,73.1880341880342,8.243162393162393,28.30021367521368,8.472884824447931,1.762693162393162,425,16,98,7,8,145,80,117,0.151,0.805,0.044,-0.9361,1,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,2,0,0,0,17,3,0,3,1,14,26,6,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,10,1,14,1,6,11,0,16,1,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,11,54,19,1,0.0,0.14719680785958855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709515250531049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666469884444764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012056134387552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893513148362598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814031120167423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165338168381546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360921198609095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485220062384505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6709694309454022,0.0,0.0,0.11042476194184438,0.0,0.0,0.06827567982474764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703753776977705,0.17550009706687816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755308108753808,0.08292706547030923,0.12595363359295825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519850959963288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581681071520193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036253647265306,0.0,0.08418407795045102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794699816065034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276753183329776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241676368715266,0.09921332015249376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589167760446402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858586845892224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862780686569736,0.0,0.0,0.11775917190058648,0.11871077605080944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000253192868471
suicidewatch,cancerousbean,2019/03/31,"why is killing yourself so hard to do? sorry for the rant, but here goes nothing:

i can’t help feeling guilty, even with the knowledge that people who are aware of my suicidal tendencies won’t care to stop me (yes, people know how serious it is—when they heard about it, i ended up either being reported or cut off by the person because i was “too negative” to interact with). still, the thought that witnessing a suicide scars people for their entire lives makes me hesitant to actually do it. i would never want to make people feel a fraction of my misery.

sometimes i try to make excuses for why i shouldn’t care about how it might make other people sad, such as how it—at the least—spreads awareness. it teaches people to maybe actually do something about it (in the future), so not all a waste. yes, people call it horrible, selfish, all of that, but it’s also selfish to not try and reach out to someone you know is hurting. YOU! NEVER! CARED! sorry to be blunt, but, it’s that’s on the person if they feel bad because they never made an effort to stop the loneliness or to distract their friend from those thoughts.

the most common excuse that i hear is that the person doesn’t know what to do about it. well, maybe people should stop treating suicidal people like they’re ticking bombs. sometimes just hanging out with them and doing what you can as a regular friend to distract them from their problems is enough (going out to eat, facetiming, small greetings, asking how they are, compliments). it shows that you’re there to support them and makes them feel like they’re loved. find out what’s wrong, because i guarantee that there is a simple, priceless action that you can do to make this person feel important.

moving onto the next part of how difficult suicide is: i don’t know the best method. there’s no easy-access surefire way to end it all. do i really want to take the chance to either end up in a vegetative state or have permanent physical damage? it would mean that i would need extra care, which is even more burdensome than i already am. i might also end up in a psychiatric facility against my will, which honestly would probably make things worse. who do i want to find me? clearly not anybody i know, but that would take a lot of planning to avoid. what will people think? there are always going to be people talking about it. nobody will ever know the full story, and those who speak of it will spread false information. it’s inevitable. what’s going to happen to me after i die? death is uncertain. how painful is it? it really depends on what i do. i could inebriate myself to the point of brain disfunction, but that would also shut off my motor skills. i’m also unsure of whether i want to be aware of my last moments of life. where should i die, and should i tell someone beforehand as a last call for help so that people know how hard i tried to stay alive? i really did want to live a fulfilling life and i tried my best, but i’m just suffering too much at this point and i’m not understood by anyone i talk to. should i leave a note? people who read it will make judgements. i’ll probably be made a fool of. who’s going to find out and in what respective times will they be told? it could be years later. someone that i haven’t talked to for a while might suddenly ask about me and find out about it. that sounds really horrible. what if i did it now? is there a better or worse time to try? i’m not doing well with life situations, so it might make more sense to others if i did it now.

yeah. that’s it. i’ve thought about it too much and it needs to stop. thank you if you read all of this.",3.929033452502552,5.490873254213484,4.5733340143003085,85.33131869254343,72.0758426966292,7.706271705822267,25.445454545454545,8.296473431620573,1.5480052808988765,2855,89,563,45,55,912,285,712,0.231,0.654,0.114,-0.9983,0,1,2,0,0,2,86.0,0,6,12,6,44,39,2,4,30,3,66,8,1,19,9,129,125,44,8,25,24,0,7,2,2,22,4,4,0,4,66,20,2,5,24,3,0,7,16,19,2,0,12,11,59,20,93,82,18,63,0,4,0,1,48,25,0,16,30,404,125,4,0.0,0.0,0.09171368303072393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185619391465651,0.15031606733837347,0.03910062088948337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03285748930535684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786125751571529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03923586789525106,0.08593658953065834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862917980162586,0.041560087006418216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245795906838699,0.09596697539086883,0.0,0.19164351373152505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503764077821479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975393375833278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04808394798784353,0.0,0.0,0.16648178021442386,0.04855469230569085,0.0,0.06207477158084004,0.04250642431330984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188013543768802,0.033570675583377674,0.0,0.0,0.17179720446508234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261089984850036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682521407829892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04155435224883821,0.0,0.08419015386065963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052962738861135936,0.0,0.06299470859630042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030528063516612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198903728403972,0.0,0.1807767655940263,0.07660854861500653,0.0,0.04975712244954873,0.0,0.0,0.099574276324488,0.04591526254917153,0.0,0.08298855904944448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995041979254887,0.04241158584328927,0.08892882434927216,0.2823042039266616,0.0,0.0944183829679251,0.05118742590054443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994018572424303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049944436391554436,0.06908819244956664,0.06968707617726952,0.10872802632184203,0.0,0.04997590194327503,0.0,0.0,0.04508952914202728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050002177685362116,0.0,0.0,0.05088712213132212,0.0,0.4235130864675633,0.16412436080450832,0.0,0.0,0.08884415048048681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132938440894527,0.04496443691237928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400826117886146,0.0,0.12041561248569164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282031825012175,0.0,0.0,0.11944701788335005,0.03617628632493945,0.09295142011653564,0.10520608156023367,0.0,0.0500865949658304,0.03752740395795779,0.15714770511282652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056039198022587,0.05332529978529391,0.0,0.0,0.07066339041704416,0.11330975581974695,0.0410725671061137,0.04326338055743715,0.0,0.0,0.0312190074506912,0.030110200690169682,0.0,0.11191780128054013,0.05480214284965356,0.0,0.0,0.044902309893208536,0.0,0.15952042769705635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858376754772828,0.03729959719897349,0.0,0.0,0.08450184933757653,0.0,0.08480488425819745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577653100219992,0.2002881137299965,0.051377734422906926,0.0,0.030260929971223264
suicidewatch,Kivar8,2019/03/31,"What's the point of it all, if we are going to die anyway? I'm not sure why I'm posting here but.. Yeah,  for the past 3 years I wake up thinking... How the hell did I manage to open my eyes to this world again with the amount of weight crushing me each night.  

Everyday feels like walking around wearing a physical and mental glove on.. Everything is grey... So fucking grey. After speaking with close friends I always get the,  don't worry it will get better talk,  and I'm not mad at them for that.. Not at all,  cause let's be honest.. What else can they say,  plus they have their own problems to deal with. 

I've tried.. A little background story,  yes I have major depression,  I have been on antidepressants for about 4 months,  they did nothing but give me vivid nightmares, and more suicidal thoughts, then I had to stop taking them due to not getting freelance gigs often after leaving rehab 9 months ago. I'm also diagnosed with ADHD-C. 

I read accounts of people treating their depression and see so much trying.. Most for years and nothing works,  and while Ive tried to get enough financial aid to get treated... Most days now I wonder if I should.. I'm still going to die anyway right?  Why should I try living now... Like this... Because life is worth living? Oh... 

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suicidewatch,idontwannabesick,2019/03/31,"Only here for The Avengers: Endgame *Posted this in r/mentalhealth as well*

As titled. 

I've only recently gotten into the MCU.  I've watched a few of the older movies, and all of the ones that came out after 2016.

I've been suicidal for most of my teenage years. Now that I'm turning twenty in a few weeks, I just don't see my life ever changing. It's always ""just wait till X, make it till then"" and then X goes by, and then it's still all pointless and I go for the next checkpoint. It's always been about X. 

Endgame feels like it'll be my last X. I just want to see how the story ends (and, here comes the cheesy line) before I end mine.",1.0323076923076933,2.9095041851851846,2.357777777777777,96.65461538461538,81.22222222222223,5.0427350427350435,19.273504273504273,5.873414542411696,-0.3171367521367521,495,12,114,3,13,159,85,135,0.036000000000000004,0.933,0.031,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,9,0,5,1,0,2,3,21,17,13,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,4,4,8,2,18,11,5,25,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,1,18,71,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195385903632109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633879974703625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196104784053434,0.0,0.0,0.20312314638655407,0.1654012630286333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34013112938305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736857701677663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097086993626331,0.13717335056869093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912479631176668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651533835869824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562369415691114,0.09380732285932286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281694443780222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420685011908968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011224303178254,0.2920674277617187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389433774444736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895886017478592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060172730602115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334096349275456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002987040940715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885382610381173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325360242894365,0.0,0.15402037637531124,0.0,0.17264177144867324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236493780164661
suicidewatch,PornAndDrugAccount,2019/03/31,"Ideation with ambivalence Meh I'm just in ideation. I did blow today to get away for a bit, just a few bumps (like 5 over 3 hours) then I started drinking after I was coming down which had been the last 4 hours. I have had 4 beers now and I've taken 1.5mg xanax. I know it's bad and i honestly know it wont kill me but i kinda wish i wouldnt wake up tomorrow.",-0.764814814814816,1.0919498024691379,1.6138271604938268,99.52222222222224,88.01234567901236,5.0814814814814815,17.641975308641978,6.42735559955562,-0.3989654320987652,278,7,71,3,9,94,62,81,0.051,0.8370000000000001,0.112,0.6224,0,0,2,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,8,4,1,0,0,12,16,4,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,0,9,2,9,8,2,15,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,10,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451922492449101,0.0,0.2179011320550992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28491437267910924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248046959030796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556536913155059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634735711872786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140106762967633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887273988405431,0.0,0.2868473158820756,0.2127274145288944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749797856876946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471767480479284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24737141004589056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300105489256579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inconvenient_usernam,2019/03/31,"I’m Going To Kill A Monster I’m done feeding the monster inside me. He’s gotten so big and strong that he’s been controlling me for over a year now. I haven’t won a battle in 2+ years. But if it’s the last thing I do, even if it kills me, I’m gonna kill him. One day at a time. One decision at a time. Every time I don’t feed my appetite (food, sex, drugs, hating, schadenfreude), I feel a certain part of me kind of die. So that’s what I’m gonna do. That’s how I’m gonna kill him. And he’ll probably never fully die as long as I’m here, but till the day I die, I’m gonna be killing this motherfucker day-by-day, decision-by-decision. It won’t ever be about bettering myself. It’ll be about destroying and annihilating him. He’s a mirror image of me. He’s no stronger than me. He’s no smarter than me. He is me. And I’m gonna kill him cause he’s hurting people.   ",-0.0824478285391983,1.3141707411167545,2.934170896785112,93.51928228990411,82.70558375634519,6.205188945290469,20.589114495205862,7.1686216300943375,0.3012055273547656,664,19,168,9,18,238,97,197,0.292,0.642,0.066,-0.9941,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,4,9,15,9,0,10,0,12,5,0,3,3,16,31,14,9,2,4,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,10,4,3,1,2,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,4,1,19,5,16,16,1,19,0,1,0,1,12,5,0,2,13,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594767830673101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144573450191578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167706930450875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27985981049644715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337776229267211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101956940619953,0.0,0.0,0.12581014055017262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165444833744525,0.09813243955319502,0.09140473158799102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485413988857396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311825595248954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165549697868428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710816537189068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613726609300284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7201468212569444,0.11297221336287752,0.0,0.08843114761673945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600732386265516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367163821419023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702680377458616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174805342312544,0.0,0.07521102448570455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116967021469266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720737491110587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977841787889133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972376783970905
suicidewatch,Foowentehs,2019/03/31,"Non-suicidal people have no humor I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m absolutely desensitized to almost anything. Whenever I tell people this, they react in shock / disgust. Seriously, nothing there’s really nothing that can turn my stomach other than animal cruelty. I can watch snuff videos all day long though without a wince.
I’ve given up most social interaction, and the only enjoyment I get is ‘trolling’ Facebook communities I’m a part of. I don’t really consider it trolling, but if I make a joke about something relating to suicide or a mental illness, people flip the fuck out like I’m saying the ‘n word’.
I get angry at this. I’ve had suicidal ideation, self harm, depression, BPD for over 14 years... I’m not allowed to make light of what’s been tormenting me my whole adult life? Do I need to preface my remarks with a disclaimer before you PC pussies accept that I’m only joking?",5.3992406311637104,6.8006566508875785,6.659896449704143,72.39840483234715,68.28994082840237,9.657001972386588,33.01824457593688,9.928628108626363,3.5601475345167657,710,32,120,17,12,240,121,169,0.24,0.67,0.091,-0.9861,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,1,1,3,12,2,0,9,0,9,4,1,4,1,19,23,5,2,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,3,13,6,17,19,4,9,0,1,1,1,9,5,1,4,5,69,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853821795616667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206882666700382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622398016990352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682543441543187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566518335362637,0.0,0.12776256089280855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617549508261067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371352951970736,0.15500006600061988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477490848087713,0.07247003356250042,0.0,0.0,0.13127370056199605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803238494912845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149488947350781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099901093679006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846669720545041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256341578380452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606346667322939,0.0,0.30851488542962546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005713990945208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179636471490676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474798762895528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121103318615087,0.0,0.11419717708582686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867702635706757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965319814911164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574048641223528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134821169662705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656131188296902,0.0,0.14299170905706926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552425441533684
suicidewatch,shoski13,2019/03/31,I don’t want to move on with my life I have been isolating myself and getting pretty deep into a black hole of depression recently. I’m supposed to graduate college in May but there’s nothing that I want to live for. I do not have any skills or passions and no job or next step lined up. I don’t want to burden anyone in my life by talking to them about this. I haven’t seen my friends in a while. I’m not close with my family. Everything hurts me so I just don’t do anything or talk to anyone. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve stopped drinking because I think that’s when I’m most likely to have the courage to kill myself. I also can’t afford my medication so will have to be off of it until I get paid on Friday. I’m trying to take care of myself and go outside. I’m hurting so bad and I’m not sure what else I can do at this point ,1.9476623376623363,2.8308499732620334,3.9433498854087112,90.58124331550805,76.00534759358288,6.840183346065698,24.052330022918266,7.1686216300943375,0.7593838044308634,663,20,155,7,14,227,105,187,0.173,0.71,0.117,-0.9335,2,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,1,0,3,0,19,5,0,0,1,25,37,15,1,3,8,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,8,8,1,1,2,1,1,3,10,6,0,0,3,2,22,6,30,31,1,23,0,3,2,1,4,14,0,5,7,103,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553760588552385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675242645827417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952945501259466,0.0,0.1291819430019939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310725329002292,0.09569412770191367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005253678695328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520745885488966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378156391378198,0.0,0.0,0.13113743711674164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108435217047027,0.0,0.1479876650425588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128308955362427,0.0,0.16403213038181685,0.0,0.08921588929951123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33610269912781204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577936645311352,0.0,0.1736761582044249,0.0,0.0862726225735915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217605694259437,0.07669296085365003,0.0,0.13861705143608524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158141787968914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668459023155128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695101709401425,0.0,0.0,0.15062745158848734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967954695926577,0.0,0.0,0.15970605785891473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499974595748492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124310008629586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479526839119653,0.0,0.11803013495211605,0.25235067629532104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058705165210456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657975790621804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27777428774862223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostSoul59,2019/03/31,"Planting the roots only to fall out the tree I don't even know why I'm making this post. 36 days till graduation, never thought I'd be alive this long. Months of therapy, meds, and being open about how much I despise my own existence. Nothing changes. Nothing stops the suicidal impulses, the cravings for nicotine or benzos or whichever drug it is I'm using at the present. Worked so hard to socialize but at the end of the day I have no friends, just a few acquitances. 


Each and every day I find myself more alone and tired of feeling tired all the time. I even have a girlfriend now, and we're having a 2nd date tomorrow. I thought asking out my crush would boost my mood, and it did for a few days, but already I'm back to my version of normal. 


The nightmare doesn't end, it just continues onto the next day. ",3.485289058767321,5.183481714285719,4.1915527950310585,87.06958432871477,73.47204968944101,7.1898709985666525,28.53368370759675,7.882392219407189,1.772167319636885,640,26,128,9,13,204,106,161,0.124,0.794,0.08199999999999999,-0.708,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,9,3,1,0,14,0,10,3,0,4,2,29,20,12,1,2,6,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,2,11,1,16,14,8,28,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,20,82,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433591996257691,0.15378827889665525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302836802607939,0.0,0.0,0.10715997189496068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742541142682355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493814335569313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161446323041315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468648826113627,0.0,0.0,0.18409319241654246,0.0,0.11741761488949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046508600411634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273733878224063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076699278702958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484004209394935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658913607715125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123330059440349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302451939090334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547986039486068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112365844283173,0.0,0.10244633675184492,0.0,0.10748375956390367,0.0,0.14821195629616013,0.0,0.13654414643415555,0.2674411891634445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599028586383624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334692716380304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420609431367203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165119982659876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243826519949455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593713970810067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127406246022854,0.08126249337318618,0.320349833113454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036311978900288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575158537051906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145643477322708,0.0,0.0,0.09899802372913166,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,regulus_black_isback,2019/03/31,"I cut and burned the first time tonight I've always been alone

But, when someone comes along and claims to have the same demons....you believe you found a friend. A connection. A path to support.

Instead, they treat you the same as everyone else when you treated them the same way you wish to be treated.

I see a good soul beneath the pain, anger and vices. 

I feel sad for the burial of a kind human before its time.

I see inside of you.

I hope to help because i can't help yourself.

But then that person turns out to be everyone else. 

I am one of many. A placeholder. A distraction. A temporary love.

I've never done this to myself. I'm hurt. I feel small. I'm collapsing. Losing the little bit of myself I had left. I'm unsafe. So unsafe. 

Visions of me finally resting haunt my very awake consciousness. I flee. And now I hurt. ",0.19618181818182026,2.5942404969697,1.7876363636363664,94.00145454545456,95.54545454545456,4.821818181818182,19.327272727272728,6.55674776486733,0.3187018181818177,642,21,132,9,25,207,102,165,0.172,0.649,0.179,0.2911,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,5,2,2,5,17,2,1,15,0,8,2,0,0,1,19,22,11,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,8,0,2,4,4,22,9,16,16,5,18,1,4,2,1,13,5,0,1,10,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370181006246164,0.0,0.0,0.12348403436631733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046571412869904,0.0,0.12628089190567382,0.1672005127136068,0.0,0.0,0.16201875527841242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783692401499402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186883886865882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479450345109558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28361280469954475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150075064721905,0.0,0.0,0.16256935172734044,0.0,0.12623238495747569,0.0,0.16271734976311125,0.11465657895311128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447425233375595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894417490679614,0.0,0.0,0.14739867879284405,0.0,0.0,0.3177391489673691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453995146629088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124140368854942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873981677472406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602613988753773,0.0,0.0,0.13394042357039276,0.0,0.0,0.15045838496628258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144583302726986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005624057598338,0.0,0.15791234223983044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958066744782035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365175825574056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574224590918515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840712504011626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307115685251373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142096020906285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244885994329364,0.0,0.11779620470442853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706573008738041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,markaz15,2019/03/31,"I dont want to kill myself but i want to die Its been 19 years and im finally accepting the fact that im not straigh. But its hard. Its so hard. I watch other girls look at guys the way i wish they looked at me. But i will never be a guy. I am a girl. I am a girl who will probably live her whole life alone because i will never get a pretty girl to fall in love with me. I dont want to be like this. I wish i could fall for a guy the same way that all my friend do. But i dont. I fall for girls who will never like me the same way i like them. Its been so hard man. I dont know if i can keep living my life. I have never experienced love the way that other do. I crave that. I am a good person and i deserve to be loved, so why did i end up this way.",-1.505197740112994,-0.07388352542372623,1.4450000000000005,102.21687853107348,87.64406779661016,4.837288135593222,13.788135593220339,5.82211442006289,-1.2550474576271191,564,7,161,4,18,198,82,177,0.104,0.645,0.25,0.9881,0,1,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,2,0,3,10,1,0,11,0,22,5,0,0,6,26,35,10,2,7,6,0,3,3,1,4,2,0,0,10,14,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,3,7,30,9,12,24,4,19,0,0,3,3,19,4,0,1,10,108,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953952230788088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858690906732054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673489477955993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997455507489464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505542425701488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512369095682253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528227095221088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425326412103114,0.0,0.050212775525442135,0.0,0.0,0.08061133185027282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854878654768284,0.0,0.0,0.25828327747138863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076275555164903,0.0,0.0,0.08542573749660562,0.10632992360387793,0.0,0.05281877180032222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576868954953827,0.1408614185072878,0.0,0.16973130499633818,0.0,0.16141403288023848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602252850729752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964995015965555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391832036884103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977769954539578,0.10362132351255116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006202290971734,0.3814326565573686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672306062472608,0.10730181701768243,0.22104028834048856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061890785829386064
suicidewatch,supernellie1,2019/03/31,"Feel isolated I have been fantasizing about suicide and intense self harm for a long time now. I told one person and called the suicide line multiple times but it doesn’t help. I haven’t told my boyfriend and I don’t want to.. it’s just putting too much on him. I don’t have many friends. All 3 of my friends I see less than once every 3 months for a few hours and they aren’t a group. I feel like I don’t have any friends. I’m 19 and I don’t go out ever because no one wants me and I’m just boring and shy and a waste of space and all I want is to have friends I can laugh with. I dont know how to talk to people. But all I have is a depressed family and a boyfriend I don’t want to share the pain with. I hate my job and my life and I want to end it, I dream of falling asleep on pills and never waking up or cutting myself so deep I bleed out. ",-0.502905759162303,1.2649384345549777,1.4172225130890048,101.91138350785342,86.12041884816753,4.657696335078534,18.450523560209426,5.6839178017228535,-0.6633185340314139,655,17,172,4,20,215,103,191,0.19,0.613,0.197,0.1531,2,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,1,0,8,13,2,0,8,0,18,6,2,1,5,36,33,18,2,5,5,0,2,1,4,0,4,0,0,2,3,17,0,0,3,1,0,3,11,6,0,2,3,3,26,7,20,30,6,19,0,1,1,0,15,7,0,1,10,108,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269282460588243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309093562714885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391837717452721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740024732779235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974973830295985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072675002381955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329667440773218,0.11484377114482686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128497263572605,0.0,0.13784092307399476,0.09737710767064564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212390301797127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746589987001137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134574057797767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136310805583292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342340553047961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352627754789058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749102698441155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627703204635868,0.06659227714783429,0.0,0.0,0.12062661241224673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819299499490892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879823148375854,0.0,0.10020066975153268,0.0,0.1051276701264958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516155181913942,0.1847290869027872,0.0,0.14503930456035125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449748972009496,0.11901723212080567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702528214958468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861831698475352,0.0,0.1421969933458034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981935079972694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955768291674746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896237034607494,0.0,0.0,0.2604926465821058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019843574604968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,catchmorgan,2019/03/31,My son is the only thing keeping me alive. I have a 5 year old son. He has no one else to take care of him. I wonder where he would end up and if he would be okay without me here to keep him safe. He is the last thing keeping me alive. ,-0.5916666666666686,0.7324779814814839,1.5145925925925958,103.4396666666667,84.0,4.32,16.355555555555554,3.1291,-1.3159066666666668,177,3,49,0,5,59,39,54,0.037000000000000005,0.741,0.222,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,10,13,2,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,5,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23205152620862016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901290853423538,0.0,0.2015844441195412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6068991938621371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855229042778215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388260172319677,0.0,0.1542264257451707,0.17309868161012593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112551605917792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30241225219028045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939653602202855,0.24682053142889285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233584521422181,0.0,0.0,0.1465657740788837
suicidewatch,543iam,2019/03/31,"The Things I Will Never Say Out Loud When depression kicks in, it becomes hard to talk about my feelings and if you cant talk, how do you ask for help? In the rare instances the shackles fall and the gag loosens, I try and put into words the darkness that swirls around in my entire being. 
And when I do, they urge me, beg me to go get help, to talk to someone. I have to say, I feel more and more that it wouldn’t help because just like there is a part of every person they keep locked up in their center, there is this huge concert-sized hall I hide from the world, where my deepest darkness resides. 

There is this scene in the Netflix’s DC Titans - Episode 2: where Rachel Roth / Raven is locked in a room at the Convent and her demonic self starts whispering to her while she rages and struggles to maintain her self control. 
When I saw this scene, there was only one thought in my mind- this is what its like. In the moments when the deepest darkness strikes for the surface, that is how it feels inside of my head. 

I never tell anyone what the darkness really says, I skim and flit on the surface of the monsters buried deep within. I never tell anyone their real names. Why? I suppose because I feel it would be the end of life as I know it. Much like demonic possessions in the likes of movies, I fear what would happen if I were to speak their true names and natures. 

I never admit that I have started fantasizing of how I would die and that very last moment I would feel before everything that makes up my being just cease to exist. No encore.  
I can’t tell you that the real reason I started researching painless ways to die is because one day, I pulled a blade across my skin to know how it would feel. How I marveled at the stinging pain even as my skin laid unmarked to the naked eye. I will never tell you of how I put a hand to my throat today to feel what it might feel to have my last breath. 
I cant explain to you the self loathing and utter indifference I feel for myself sometimes. How wrapped up inside me are coils and coils of hate just lashing out and wrecking me from the inside. No, I don’t know why I feel that way. Yes, I know I have no reason to hate myself. I am intelligent, decently well mannered (mostly), talented, smart, funny and decently attractive. There are people who look up to me, admire me. 
If I dont love myself, how can I expect anyone to love me? And maybe that’s another thing too. Maybe? No. I know it is. I feel that no one could ever really love me. I feel like such a broken creature that no one could have ever loved me. And because of my self loathing, I dont believe that anyone will. Maybe they think they love me to begin with but as they see my cracks and flaws, they would realize they were wrong. 

I am tired of being invisible, of swallowing my feelings. I'm tired of people asking how I am in their spare moments and not even sticking around for an answer. I am tired of hearing how loved I am when the only people I let my guard down around don't even have the time to really look me in the eyes.  I am tired of trying to be ok and of turning the tv on at night so I can sleep. I am tired of convincing myself of all the reasons there are to be alive when all those reasons are so arbitrary. I'm tired of trying to believe that things will get better so I need to keep trying, just make plans for my future. 
And i regret every attempt at telling someone how I feel within five minutes of saying it because what I say is never enough, what you hear isn't enough. 

So I will never get better because I will never admit to anyone in the words that actually carry the weight and gravity of the situation: I hate myself and I want to just die. 

",4.2973288590604035,5.0304513570469815,4.9036845637583895,86.44411744966446,70.32885906040269,7.355973154362418,26.309395973154363,7.24861992348623,1.1597699328859052,2891,85,595,26,50,927,288,745,0.135,0.782,0.083,-0.988,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,6,11,5,46,31,4,2,35,2,64,25,9,18,13,121,123,51,3,16,10,0,19,5,0,14,8,10,1,5,39,29,2,4,30,2,0,5,24,10,1,5,5,35,106,21,91,95,9,81,3,2,6,6,59,42,0,5,37,433,145,1,0.0,0.0,0.04482428048648942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816507611358147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058817703479986,0.0,0.0,0.12267114172319775,0.0858828807357081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800310121158746,0.05072972744223902,0.03908586007463664,0.10350221234124674,0.0,0.08124855247147915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05151810822539541,0.07334801408335911,0.0,0.0,0.02962318226331648,0.0,0.039562288965312185,0.0,0.14301455841120705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766698457165068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04068327519745075,0.0949227672436348,0.0,0.09101554578967952,0.08309860962662485,0.0774015824210659,0.0,0.041281893442302216,0.0,0.0,0.05168773922652898,0.3251536336436189,0.03281476283023469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719947693350926,0.0,0.026104956210682626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040618670608012185,0.0,0.04114721976203598,0.13604888958107433,0.04714082349376345,0.0,0.10354034789984212,0.0,0.0923643799041187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165526537805858,0.0,0.0,0.12621871799672205,0.07488354970177254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696991724115925,0.032444052284709,0.11220346512664864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714481652032716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487396109581033,0.0,0.0613216765780119,0.0,0.13843853854884194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048727978657052674,0.046379544728594686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03376626490538498,0.03405896422027736,0.2834127769548476,0.0,0.0,0.04310529587112608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450238705104034,0.06986869776602968,0.048876275893382636,0.0,0.0,0.04974129399645857,0.0,0.0955331120648666,0.04010719088068119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235131835488004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456431612594773,0.08827815562487375,0.18890835411027154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264004193799105,0.0,0.0,0.036602897704964325,0.0,0.19167382245926431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163096023165792,0.045966478268432906,0.0,0.07783828186370516,0.0,0.04542921393229127,0.0,0.09753549075473117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801946439569865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075835380023934,0.2007386692395563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154814201567713,0.029432207641001983,0.0,0.03646591399271398,0.02678407998870376,0.3167614676210457,0.04353940304307349,0.0,0.0,0.1247427979447253,0.04996224661255692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03789978779701126,0.027092653842514827,0.07291944022441102,0.0,0.055934391940690026,0.04129955826837438,0.0,0.0828953280033532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957782152295796,0.050220859144022204,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hi987654,2019/03/31,Help I don’t want to do it anymore. Just want to sleep and not ever wake again,-0.9683333333333336,0.8378821666666703,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,88.44444444444444,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.5563111111111108,61,1,16,0,2,20,15,18,0.0,0.71,0.29,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,6,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601988017940462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197469278885608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110334006411897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643708992418352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5474006494135225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LazilyLapis,2019/03/31,"Feels like things have never changed I have been poor all my life , as in my family used to get those baskets of canned food that schools gave out during Christmas, I couldn't afford college even tho its super cheap where I am ... Etc...
I have been bullied and abused all my life, my mother neglected me and drank every week and didn't provide much food, I ended up in an abusive relationship that gave me PTSD, etc...
Ever since I was a child (7) I've wanted to die. I didn't want to live anymore
My significant other is the only thing that keeps me going. But it barely is, it feels like they're pulling away from me little by little and they're the last thing tethering me here.

I want to go to a suicide prevention clinic to get help since I've wanted to commit suicide for my whole life but I feel like I'm wasting resources and I'm better off dead, esp since healthcare is free so it's like ?? Why should I take that up",1.7265606529693225,3.957772491978609,2.887993245144952,91.88697438784128,80.76470588235293,5.220264565156207,20.537292428933306,6.339386263674448,0.1556267379679146,724,20,150,6,19,232,115,187,0.156,0.7170000000000001,0.127,-0.7169,1,0,0,0,1,4,23.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,5,0,15,7,0,1,5,26,34,10,4,6,2,1,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,13,6,3,3,3,0,3,3,4,1,0,0,8,3,21,8,19,24,6,18,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,0,9,93,34,2,0.0,0.2666670240519971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160275575022044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572870253555082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952652392548524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904526814939675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167917576082536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996710670932269,0.0,0.2510086643905968,0.07432715718274857,0.10179277670309332,0.09481412542586297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608634272283687,0.0,0.17070059314762204,0.2411813511935928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215133038284195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758796786365998,0.0,0.1279104904564683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542867236202404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100024732454698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172962685870538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384567095213628,0.21991226707197867,0.22557578098367104,0.09936893065816413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272489465359432,0.0,0.08679258789344721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558661549440222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154535937848078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081860729694613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113889667411831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792660277248929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246186244030395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461100690082465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242862935891794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719260561597293,0.0,0.0,0.2655001305342372,0.0,0.09026739360947426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154376410253946,0.12563936646754867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nihilismftw82,2019/03/31,"Lost job opportunity may be the last straw I’ve been miserable for years at my job.  Level of income, insurance, and lack of available positions in my field have made it next to impossible for me to leave.  It’s slowly seeped into my life.  I’m short with my wife, self medicate, and I’m depressed/angry all the time.  After a long and productive talk with my wife, we decided I needed a change, so I finally applied at the only company locally that isn’t a mess.  

They didn’t have anything for me so I was completely deflated.  I’ve been putting on the brave face for my wife, but I can’t stop thinking about driving my work van into or off of a bridge.  My wife gets the insurance, and I get one last “fuck you” to the company that killed my soul.  

I put all my hopes on this but now I feel trapped.  My options are either be miserable for 30 more years, or just die.  I just can’t do that to my wife though.  She’s the partner I would trade the lottery for.  I love her so much, I just hate that I’m not the best husband I can be because the stress.  I’m so close to just sayin she’s better off without me, even though I know she’s not.

I’m sorry to waste anyone’s time.  I don’t think I’ll kill myself.  I just needed to tell someone and that isn’t my wife.  Yes I know she would still support me but she’s got enough to deal with.  I just really wish that suicide wasn’t my go to thought when things get tough.  ",1.6383887733887723,3.292196040540542,3.3209459459459474,91.53029106029108,78.45945945945945,6.851143451143452,22.87110187110187,7.748469712250963,0.8788455301455302,1092,34,249,17,26,363,155,296,0.212,0.696,0.092,-0.9916,3,1,0,0,0,2,31.0,1,1,1,5,17,17,4,3,14,1,21,5,1,1,2,47,47,17,4,7,15,7,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,10,12,0,1,7,0,1,4,10,10,0,1,9,1,45,7,33,32,8,31,1,3,0,2,22,13,1,5,14,160,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396240685068168,0.0,0.09881523056186432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319937347695052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601606965300072,0.10620059559492018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270282320890499,0.0,0.12590111382236271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237967337939191,0.0,0.0,0.12462360513927305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407426483481905,0.0,0.07931140413981523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060715823767931075,0.0,0.0,0.13154126740287586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101160044762774,0.1882098117573155,0.0,0.06824397021785696,0.0,0.09603857817814634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855368630400735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926607823619265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383208311491022,0.0,0.2657004410562888,0.0,0.13198515044249742,0.19576170495792392,0.0,0.1271468954917104,0.0,0.0,0.08481573077522421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626661484286366,0.0,0.0,0.13108100349748664,0.0,0.10837647370629472,0.11362216481873867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096750425384535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827227894863818,0.17807491582372467,0.0,0.0,0.1277059538145214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813690044659638,0.09132590169896887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142620920433466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692602858923663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526914933207225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174300516815434,0.0,0.0,0.13441921476462626,0.0,0.0,0.09589567632163047,0.10039187283691027,0.13755070817338416,0.0,0.0,0.13134752783528825,0.13626483978730133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651538628808072,0.10495481129786803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977551116853145,0.15388424217132968,0.2359550781348846,0.09532974230645652,0.14003869168060945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808554570694512,0.11575239219308975,0.0,0.08741933577508161,0.0,0.0,0.17060212093575786,0.0,0.0,0.1546545745057645
suicidewatch,TheSwagStark,2019/03/31,"Why couldn’t you do it? Today was whack. I walked up to the top of a parking lot and was sitting their for hours looking down but I just couldn’t propel myself over. Has anyone else felt this way? It makes me feel especially guilty over depressive feelings because I had a “solution”, but wasn’t able to follow through with it. ",2.9641145833333336,5.220410515625002,3.504375,88.93645833333336,76.65625,6.141666666666668,24.729166666666664,7.1686216300943375,1.0336229166666668,259,9,51,3,6,81,51,64,0.128,0.804,0.067,-0.7136,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,12,14,3,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,5,4,7,0,10,7,1,11,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,2,37,11,0,0.295131812767956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636302564379846,0.3023974192448185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799096137488975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541965978761589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465447590805671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29845502450848777,0.0,0.28337282310592704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906453857999804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24783639187865836,0.0,0.0,0.2509105132018164,0.0,0.0,0.19700277675869504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797504496469375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342618957200793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663105562061402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rhodri_Mawr78,2019/03/31,"Im not sure if this belongs here, but I met a user who is in need They posted to r/confessions about how they plan to kill themselves, stating they would do it after they move and they would do it by drinking fenni-something, it was a chemical. I tried talking to them but they seem deadset on it. Based on their lack of post history and account age I'm guessing it might be real. But the post they made just got too real for it to be a joke. I'm gonna post their username below, I just want somehow who more experienced in helping to help them. God knows I don't know how. ",2.193249999999999,3.7340318250000015,3.6433333333333344,90.315,76.58333333333334,6.133333333333334,25.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.8624833333333339,449,16,97,4,10,148,79,120,0.09,0.799,0.111,0.1691,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,11,1,8,3,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,3,1,26,22,8,1,6,7,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,0,3,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,15,2,15,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,17,5,0,5,2,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986449298747515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051829364774645,0.0,0.1797726555844722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187662090478143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627366673164105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054603080333625,0.0,0.17937038374976452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544147295183438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311925619647128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734455997317168,0.0,0.12100363518327975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6251652831910502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714928698319141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485624373836254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256319648599831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538050478728599,0.0,0.0,0.13116628513290365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107955890600642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625394302962303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318515969272065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UpstairsStruggle,2019/03/31,"physiology is hilarious I wish I could've appreciated the virtues of youth while I had it. I'm in my mid 20's and while I'm reasonably good at a lot of my hobbies and decently smart, I feel like a shell of what I could have been. If I would have done 10% more at any point in my life before the past 2 years or nurtured any good hobbies I would be so much further than I am now.

Instead I'm emotionally blunted and feel like I'm playing catch up. So many years wasted in front of screens and even realizing that, I still do it. At this rate I'll probably always do it since brain activity peaks around my age. Not a lot of new connections, not a lot of potential. I mean that in a literal sense, that it feels like if I wanted to be truly impactful in any of the pursuits I'm currently involved in I'm in a rat race with people who are just like me, and hopelessly behind those who began putting the work in at an early age. 

I had a dream the other night I woke up in my 6th grade self. I had my entire working knowledge and skill set as well as world view. I remembered all of my experiences I'd had up to now and I knew what I wasn't going to do. It was one of those dreams where days passed into night and you wake up still in the dream without realizing what's going on. It felt like I really had my whole life ahead of me. Instead of waiting to grow up, I couldn't wait to get ahead and hone my craft so I could really enjoy it later and not be playing catch up in to my 20's (maybe 30's). Then I woke up and I just felt cold

That dream was the first time I'd been truly happy in I don't know how long. Most of my preteen years were spent in isolation riddled with vices like poor diet, lack of exercise, porn addiction, and being too socially intimidated (because of my poor life style) to amalgamate in the student body. 

My teenage years were full of drug use that served no purpose but wasting my time and eroding the neuronal connections that were so ready to be formed into useful structures for my future. My late teens and early 20s were spent cramming for a degree in a major that's so painfully irrelevant the only way I can see how I convinced myself that it was a good idea was because I was permastoned (and probably still am because I fucked with my myelination). 

I still live at home. My parents are getting old. Everything is tainted with memories and remnants of a useless passed lived in vice. I'm trying to hard to make something of myself and the better I get at my craft the further behind I feel. It feels like nothing means anything anymore and I missed the boat on life.

I've wasted so much time money and effort fixing mistakes rather than pushing forward that it seems like my routines are revolving on doing minimal effort and trying to clean up later. My mantras have devolved from ""you can"" to ""it feels like nothing matters"" or ""is suicide really that tragic""

I couldn't do it while my parents are alive, but other than that this is the first time in a long time I've had no other justification not to. My life in theory should be better than it's ever been. I have more resources to follow my passion, my goals are well thought out and attainable, I have so many more opportunities directly in front of me. 

But still, I've alienated myself from all of my old friends either because I started using drugs - or more recently because I stopped using drugs. When I look back at my decisions and the moral basis behind them, I feel self loathing that I could have never imagined. It all seems so pointless now. It feels like I worked just hard enough to get past the veil of ignorance that was shielding me from how far behind I really am",5.355249355767775,5.653520899045019,6.104276489313327,80.31023616795514,67.84038199181445,9.025787479157193,30.750007579202666,8.904972459349038,2.3643685250871607,2901,106,577,46,45,953,308,733,0.097,0.768,0.135,0.9515,3,1,4,0,0,2,58.0,0,2,1,15,35,35,1,0,29,0,61,19,4,10,5,108,111,48,1,15,18,2,12,10,1,3,11,0,2,2,40,30,1,4,26,7,5,13,12,8,2,3,30,17,78,27,98,67,20,117,2,4,4,3,12,50,1,11,64,402,118,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370163627240974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862173171851164,0.0,0.0,0.11921127983163594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795078182135865,0.0,0.0,0.04808616618010223,0.052018608787680526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493210458569378,0.0,0.178103983428362,0.0,0.049722991955362006,0.0,0.0,0.10336016946306696,0.0,0.06490695116228637,0.0,0.06523161919942284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661903344300654,0.0,0.0,0.03768506694130362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05979822393855935,0.0,0.0,0.2032945092094927,0.0,0.0,0.0657303345310532,0.0,0.060377896034821125,0.0,0.038595076262628814,0.05285685782628705,0.0,0.0,0.05251667103177561,0.057159620718501884,0.0,0.0,0.2363677076795317,0.2504713753427682,0.1122115211940762,0.0,0.0,0.09940778477293463,0.0,0.0,0.04514592878527753,0.054021249929703405,0.12211731914102725,0.0,0.06641872662800381,0.14703488755996738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622040318157327,0.1046906924041762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861402141345628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596482274146749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03211377356201345,0.0,0.06591604659573104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063681530445288,0.2854787886566909,0.0,0.10319650588702622,0.10342442296952836,0.04906980534537676,0.0,0.0,0.1490353771122094,0.0,0.0,0.03900511879942485,0.11848571786907207,0.05870476199006978,0.12730341528499192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591136104192221,0.0,0.045067868538849414,0.05643587799399163,0.0,0.10967261693823308,0.0,0.11213791184821413,0.0,0.12263321252892335,0.0,0.0395963602818314,0.04444165601470662,0.06217784816335047,0.0,0.12976798396915815,0.0,0.11156364423158414,0.0405107469692049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055238975125624715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600337365125588,0.0,0.0,0.058742264476950565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973715178457153,0.0600798380398249,0.05769648117051629,0.0,0.06619428014869247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656429677257906,0.10639215625728543,0.12191871835487668,0.0,0.0,0.048337171527149024,0.0,0.0,0.05956605849820671,0.0,0.04498531348734571,0.0,0.0,0.04135985420216673,0.0,0.2333271602634319,0.04885340299180981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391726270252518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046390033240722967,0.17036654576194207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793456396616416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187270268868712,0.0,0.0,0.034465860709943605,0.046382153709094216,0.0,0.0,0.10507828660375076,0.0,0.0,0.06523942411090737,0.06719616460113627,0.05632824752917592,0.0,0.12762184584904604,0.0,0.0,0.08301961035104602,0.0,0.0,0.15051820509676067
suicidewatch,letstryforkarma,2019/03/31,"There's a 24/7 crisis center in my I could use if I weren't already a volunteer there.... I applied for a volunteer thing a year ago and didn't know it would end up being located at the cursus center. So now going there is not an option for me as I'm recognizable as a volunteer to HELPS people through crisis, and I'm really good at it since to can relate I guess.

But anyway. I could use some help from people now just listing reasons you shouldn't end your life when it's been chronically horrible for the last 4 years. I'm in too negative a state of mind to do it myself. So thanks.",5.120515222482432,4.767886180327871,6.585831381733018,78.88762295081969,68.34426229508196,9.92224824355972,28.084309133489466,9.606745405546679,2.2754505854800926,462,13,96,9,7,159,81,122,0.126,0.772,0.102,-0.6099,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,11,2,0,0,9,0,11,2,0,3,0,18,20,9,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,10,2,16,12,1,18,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,9,69,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827533044801144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219341804720788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321146155425118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562544285088575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429765930777665,0.1686847905492231,0.0,0.0,0.2215496254556472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696048045756379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052693527944002,0.16393466402498025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205268933122614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306769946120065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788540997675485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883870881961354,0.20677857610859435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636348944341953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851586509466654,0.0,0.0,0.13361113322593074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473956603335909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286553840325272,0.0,0.0,0.2590215049156635
suicidewatch,BaconGenocide,2019/04/01,i feel ready maybe one of these days ill finally go through with it,3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857141,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,71.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,28.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.6643714285714286,54,2,13,1,1,16,14,14,0.172,0.675,0.153,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33696322169732706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641869537108744,0.0,0.0,0.5723629289007255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29694345694629154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249120496444689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540531624591679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Metamorph1980,2019/04/01,"It doesn’t get any better at all The pain and burden of living is too much especially when your main purpose is to just be a filler.

I was born out of some social obligation that my parents had. Infvet asked to be born. My life has no meaning or purpose other than to be a spare. 

I’m no good match to anyone and I’m mostly incompatible with a lot of people. I’ve been plagued by suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. 

It doesn’t get better at all. At almost 40 years of age, life has shown me that I don’t have a purpose. 

I’m leaving as few things as possible so that my only sibling won’t have to be burdened by the material things after I’m gone.",2.9789130434782654,3.9128971811594235,4.841275362318843,84.93234782608697,73.56521739130434,7.259130434782609,26.118840579710145,7.554174236665415,1.2648962318840578,513,17,110,6,10,176,86,138,0.129,0.809,0.063,-0.8442,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,7,0,18,3,0,0,2,14,28,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,6,0,8,3,20,17,8,11,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,6,78,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220576559137185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373207094045593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411955751156101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877919536124788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571849530067001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100230932902025,0.0,0.0,0.16937101166492227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138168700314082,0.0,0.0,0.2852611385225269,0.0,0.0,0.17830968784781331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716753963243124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199631862175404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844328146862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357841320901694,0.2148699241657094,0.0,0.2242216295531536,0.0,0.0,0.139994248535285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22764803037400064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704026734951155,0.0,0.0,0.205844281370676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208808730995372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683093446717011,0.0,0.0,0.16031148100030618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003761094197422
suicidewatch,Neccesary,2019/04/01,"I couldn't do it There I was, crying my eyes out with a razor blade on my wrist. I couldn't do it. I don't know if it's because I'm scared or if I really want to live. I don't FEEL anything. I can't love and I can't be loved. Every day I wake up in one of the most privileged situations possible and I can't even leave my fucking room. The only time I manage to leave is when I go to the gym and even after that I still feel shitty about myself. I'm in great shape, have a loving and supportive family and a good job but I'm terribly unhappy. I don't know how to reach out as this would devastate my family and  I don't know what to do or where to go but I know it has to be away from here. I need help but I can't be put on fucking pills that make me a brainless zombie. So here I am. Razor blade against my wrist trying to build up the courage to fucking do it and commit to one thing in my life",0.5932352941176475,1.7366118529411771,3.203725490196081,93.46676470588235,79.98039215686273,6.760784313725492,19.352941176470583,7.5105763829236425,0.2284588235294116,694,15,175,10,17,244,104,204,0.125,0.7440000000000001,0.131,-0.6015,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,1,8,0,23,12,4,2,1,32,44,18,0,7,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,6,1,0,3,10,5,0,2,1,3,27,8,27,37,1,21,0,0,1,6,4,13,3,5,5,122,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278202192849875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876475531853593,0.0,0.0,0.08354555565663854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054505774353344,0.08838712635630651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810429519825209,0.0,0.11547212221862928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584006355086266,0.0,0.13859509973646467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801067715415716,0.0,0.0,0.15577948666080507,0.11495261687067422,0.0,0.15110018457082242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186298807962988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360028461799148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012805221786675,0.0,0.0,0.2902363102114909,0.0,0.0,0.09680379789413418,0.0,0.0,0.12101932337778128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710840251419871,0.0,0.09148319596293256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162223448324248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857398053680624,0.10423413262801284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450540538021595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137774996150775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779894550559172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372128435299999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540520584631502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944981060367318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555248524098049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105118106599663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799160549753151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304923206742324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083675133955501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735772529710944,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plmqazxcvbn,2019/04/01,"I’m going to try and OD on dexmethylphenidate (focilin) Yeah wish me luck 
:)",1.9192857142857136,4.75181378571429,-0.21714285714285708,109.08714285714287,89.7142857142857,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.8881714285714284,59,2,13,0,2,15,14,14,0.0,0.478,0.522,0.872,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915904733370084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678047618460306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7923481595775157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hide_my_secrets,2019/04/01,"I really, really want to cut right now. I'm really sorry if this shouldn't be here, and this might be triggering to others so maybe don't read it if you get triggered? 

I have one friend, and he never talks to me anymore. I've been having really bad body issues lately and I just want to clear my mind. I keep thinking about the blade I have under my pillow, but I don't want to resort to cutting. I really want to be strong. What can I do, please help. It's been two weeks since I last did it and I don't know of I can go any longer. ",0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,2.523103448275865,94.1905747126437,84.51724137931033,5.935632183908046,13.977011494252874,7.1686216300943375,-0.4332160919540229,412,5,97,6,12,141,72,116,0.062,0.743,0.195,0.935,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,2,0,1,0,17,1,1,2,2,22,27,8,0,7,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,3,0,15,2,10,19,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,5,64,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225525567683378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637079940560123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378290047456342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335881658723646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753493928721069,0.0,0.0862437948538049,0.0,0.09381475246997996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064490803732452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722932557471967,0.0,0.14672440833626618,0.0,0.0,0.09071976746771986,0.13455647315873295,0.186209459564402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658379494612424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511629665952713,0.16667660628378805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731442308438085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185769216436432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120051100333254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651176050284131,0.0,0.5287497421061139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097138364851852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365500367785277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847856348347796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267937145590544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577207072102768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612522704319003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894571733394096,0.0,0.1324115505673107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A_Fellow_Human05,2019/04/01,"I miss her daily this girl I had been going on dates with but not dating all through middle school and into high school was the nicest, funniest, prettiest, and just all around best person you had ever met. she committed suicide over a year ago now but I haven't had anyone to talk to about it because we were lesbians and we couldn't tell anyone or we'd be scrutinized. I asked her if she wanted to make things official and gave her a necklace with our initials on it. she took her life that weekend and I've felt guilty ever since. I just want someone to talk to. after her leaving I've had a whole new outlook on suicide and I just feel like I could never do that to my friends. this isn't shaming anyone who feels that way and I don't think she or anyone else is selfish or anything like that I just myself would feel guilty but lately I've just felt so empty and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I miss her daily.",2.625,4.27301816666667,3.4712500000000013,91.54875,75.66666666666666,5.841666666666668,22.416666666666664,6.322622252153567,0.34650416666666617,736,20,155,5,16,234,110,192,0.14,0.6990000000000001,0.161,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,4,1,0,1,12,8,0,1,4,0,19,2,0,2,6,48,36,17,2,6,13,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,2,10,14,0,1,7,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,12,5,29,4,18,19,5,24,0,2,0,1,25,9,0,4,14,111,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068455807631788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807837241128333,0.13949690733468384,0.11203594830044307,0.12119814549094,0.1272774394413951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829928865809219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287605042655538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870091152822536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373189459487465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463023634934822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065174018419373,0.09726220064186587,0.26144159923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518548982297106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737448848391927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438449416320278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482187415503845,0.0,0.15357778286813753,0.14415817206389914,0.0,0.0,0.0961634231298811,0.13302739372908826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087801795006216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000824308602952,0.0,0.1050036172715103,0.13148994007015088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887678929144126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755725422722275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262076560485328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153554366279059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978416334055402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21885680510756872,0.11899695771178752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044886091039832,0.0872363850295644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126239281905726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060400299607766,0.10806577000862154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200132028543345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671368620213992,0.0,0.0,0.08767308346716443
suicidewatch,southernfriedfossils,2019/04/01,"Underage coworker confides in me he's attempted suicide and still suicidal. One of my coworkers at work has confided in me that he's attempted suicide in the past two months and is still suicidal. After he first told me, he's reached out a few times to tell me he was suicidal the night before or that he doesn't know what to do and just wants to die. A little history, we work in a vet clinic, we're an extremely close knit group, we've helped each other with personal issues, domestic abuse situations...really close friend stuff so this wasn't totally out in left field. When he first told me I was supportive, listening, non-judgemental, told him I was there anytime of the day or night, gave him my number and my husband's number if he really needed to get us. Offered my husband or I meet him and talk through it....I threw everything I had at him. He's always appreciative and extremely thankful but so far hasn't taken me up on anything. Then he told me he'd come up with a different plan. I called the National Suicide Hotline to get advice and they basically just told me I was doing good and just be supportive. They suggested I could call DHR (they could call for me and provide information) due to his neglectful home situations, but that seems like too much of a leap and would definitely push him over. They also suggested I contact a counselor at his high school. That seems like the only viable option. I definitely can't tell his mom, she's a big source of his depression, but I feel like telling a counselor would violate his trust? 

​

I am over my head here and don't know what to do. I've told two coworkers who have struggled with suicidal thoughts / self harm in the past. One reached out to him but he didn't really open up. I've suggested he talk to them but he hasn't so far. Our boss/supervisor is out of the question, mom is out of the question...who can I tell / get help from? I feel like this situation is a ticking time bomb but I have to tread lightly here. Any suggestions?",3.826273854961834,5.653571025445294,4.993071723918575,81.13899689885498,72.84223918575064,9.289090330788804,29.075143129770993,9.751328689232952,2.8777379770992355,1595,66,312,43,32,526,191,393,0.13699999999999998,0.748,0.115,-0.9516,1,0,0,0,1,3,53.0,3,0,5,7,15,15,1,1,18,0,30,2,1,0,1,56,56,27,8,7,13,4,2,4,1,2,1,1,1,2,11,25,0,1,9,0,0,3,7,5,0,6,17,4,49,10,43,33,4,49,0,2,0,0,71,30,0,8,20,196,60,3,0.0,0.08114902363767218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669272833296089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054771140192265484,0.056988866892629324,0.07420849609349776,0.08322240890467693,0.046575303664325135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056361137848394714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827963895758473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980673946699774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899776018850957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936680863287228,0.0,0.0,0.04417015165546058,0.0,0.05899002638885816,0.0,0.07108143297830058,0.07155709629965737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061554072002219434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926083951847514,0.09785802469603852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651450522810235,0.0,0.0,0.052914925802792036,0.0,0.10734902994770024,0.0,0.0,0.05744586038357445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029012968202676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181432369786524,0.07236306477610227,0.06870069300928297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148538976956753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752802297351677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441419402550653,0.0,0.0,0.13384231381648726,0.06864461193957361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042847669775748,0.0546677770479336,0.0,0.0503477657616901,0.05078420007226907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854577464750594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928207048896513,0.052089457318647364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076222188009354,0.0,0.059802511692606385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344814230154394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775243404878046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693151719508236,0.0,0.1247007915404593,0.07144963133224573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397044944583646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093918296096011,0.0,0.0,0.07160024219945295,0.07840425155225353,0.5244158472529309,0.1554424631804778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009875623713672,0.2394518559042581,0.06305605844167272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054373123623107714,0.07987371947665843,0.0,0.0,0.3926687152475238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338088522741222,0.0,0.08238460375567376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040396964051180935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997225469438103,0.0,0.0,0.09730615008046734,0.0,0.08322240890467693,0.0
suicidewatch,the_rando_girl,2019/04/01,I hate my life. All together I grew up with a racist mother who is a narcissist. Who would bully me over the color of my skin. Which it may be hard to believe that she had a half black baby but she she was drunk. And never did a paternity test. Once I was born it was too late to abort me or give me up for adoption because my family is one of those who are like: you birth it you raise it. No if and or buts. So there I was. My mother would abuse me and isolate me even from my family. The day I left I married a man who abused me in private but show me off as a trophy wife in public. And we did travel America. During hurricane season. Irma hit as we got to Orlando. We fled to Las Vegas. We were at the concert as the shooting happened. I was terrified. And have now PTSD from 4 different things. And the day I get to Disneyland. I get sick and nauseous. Once I am away from my abusive ex I am forced to live with a room kaye who refuses to apologize for causing my attempted suicide... I am slightly better and more calm now but still slightly to the edge of having another episode.,0.8205666666666679,2.9685305288888912,3.0653611111111125,89.78337500000002,83.71111111111111,6.416666666666668,22.26388888888889,7.6454224807358475,1.038188888888889,839,29,180,15,24,286,135,225,0.188,0.765,0.047,-0.9887,1,0,0,1,2,2,24.0,4,2,0,2,7,4,1,0,13,0,21,4,1,1,2,28,29,19,1,3,7,4,2,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,13,14,1,1,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,2,11,5,35,3,29,13,2,23,0,0,2,0,23,10,0,4,11,139,48,1,0.0,0.5282692072251071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584044277625153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963285753823051,0.0,0.0,0.09059703210010618,0.0,0.0,0.1674432171719671,0.0,0.13144181857230025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267310552557592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169448957042529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527568432752709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816173944469496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28021036530149274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529504828072202,0.14256931063309491,0.0,0.0,0.11886454400861568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142368129156567,0.0,0.13313382774701485,0.14673092969917484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676492034145758,0.0,0.16147545803989294,0.0,0.10497430672759178,0.07260795205693035,0.0,0.1312336896752542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462447537956945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165497095585194,0.1007083798589872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372817395290144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868767795817045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256554708504778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873615309581356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111499742771698,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Urboy888,2019/04/01,"I hate wagecucks That’s it.....

I hate wagecucks ",-1.09,-2.1438266666666657,0.002222222222224346,100.39000000000004,149.0,1.2000000000000002,25.222222222222214,3.1291,-0.03451111111111072,36,2,7,0,3,11,6,9,0.649,0.35100000000000003,0.0,-0.8126,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nipplenopple666,2019/04/01,"Do normal people ever think about suicide? I have a few mental illness problems, used to have huge problems with being suicidal, but now that I’m in a good place I still catch myself passively thinking about suicide occasionally. Is this normal? Does everyone do this? ",6.191170212765957,8.828526787234047,6.566968085106383,68.90875,68.36170212765958,8.104255319148937,33.026595744680854,8.841846274778883,3.4087489361702126,217,10,30,4,4,70,37,47,0.341,0.565,0.094,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,10,10,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681498192975774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738086699091918,0.0,0.18360544045915345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116444354319207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363977108557875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765280599602994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332110787002477,0.0,0.20075353610681368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677189553913745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344946728523565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305354615141721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462410808343861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595399059005678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsYaGirlJade,2019/04/01,"I'm in my final planned week Recently got betrayed by the only living person I considered a friend and my parents helped him lie to me.

I failed all the classes I thought I was passionate about and the essential ones I dropped out of because of how much I hate myself that I couldn't bear to be seen.

I'm completely alone in life because of my complete lack of social skills and most likely will be like that forever if I don't end up going through with it.

The old groups I used to hang out on recently just make me feel like even more of an outsider.

I'm planning on taking my life on Thursday or Friday because everyone is gone on a trip and they won't be able to stop me.",10.63621428571428,5.695935907142861,10.164285714285716,72.06071428571431,61.35714285714286,13.485714285714288,43.714285714285715,10.355215969177356,4.3344571428571435,537,22,112,8,5,176,93,140,0.125,0.794,0.081,-0.7346,1,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,4,4,7,1,0,7,0,9,3,0,3,1,20,22,7,0,3,3,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,5,2,19,5,22,11,5,22,0,1,1,1,8,9,0,3,11,75,22,2,0.16863640914411648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465646179330271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083975693630796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35362413309131546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936180456361378,0.0,0.0,0.11138275779183568,0.0,0.0,0.16113931569175213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526763542041865,0.1204738843877046,0.0,0.18473294333482151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028807138404466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583995754417517,0.0,0.13487394162170324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649354112619394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303343034635853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382257658992028,0.2471616940613013,0.0,0.14890903883649276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256611258687532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396716427485037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695554369936373,0.0,0.11427239518062525,0.12825558820173152,0.0,0.0,0.18725077558101788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724680785511648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330162191636569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719035822386576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409875890830294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679359261631035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387847199073552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564771290612402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526995542401785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_idealixtic,2019/04/01,"Will things ever get better? I feel like my entire universe is crumbling around me and I can’t do anything but watch it happen. 
Every time things get stable every time I think “maybe I can do this,” every time I think we may be on the road to contentment, maybe even happiness, something comes and rips it away. 
Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy. 
I feel as though I may just be destined to be unhappy. 
Maybe I deserve it. 
Maybe I just don’t belong on this world anymore. ",2.2313711583924345,4.385362468085109,3.2960992907801447,90.03388888888891,78.57446808510639,5.454373522458629,22.14657210401891,6.42735559955562,0.4671621749408983,368,11,73,3,9,118,55,94,0.038,0.76,0.202,0.9432,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,14,0,0,0,1,15,22,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,13,4,8,15,0,11,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,5,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503260413608242,0.0,0.0,0.11204681003676208,0.12120989549010228,0.0,0.0,0.12792535398729568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042109189802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728845585442098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993137781365798,0.12316312109017327,0.3441581216989116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769161561975607,0.09727163008298016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227434984882634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040447533585667,0.2898864222310222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652014527907453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6839473633974676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482143358824328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091525961455784,0.1744896849623539,0.13377499433367698,0.0,0.23818527663168024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hello135557,2019/04/01,"I am tired I feel like my purpose for being put on this planet was to commit suicide. The feeling has been there since I was 14 but in the last few months I’ve felt physically weighed down by this feeling of hopelessness. When I think about how shitty I am I don’t even cry anymore, I just lay down and think about how much I want to close my eyes and never open them again",4.18346153846154,4.540473500000001,4.5632307692307705,90.13176923076924,70.41025641025641,7.2656410256410275,25.856410256410257,6.742157984588678,0.7928071794871796,295,8,66,2,5,93,58,78,0.228,0.6809999999999999,0.092,-0.9485,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,2,0,8,3,1,2,2,17,15,6,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,11,1,11,10,2,12,0,1,1,0,1,6,0,0,6,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254059600755213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28139935077721284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920306091170842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885936709378903,0.18301351486035014,0.24597092031116397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881914806213306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251555626872823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447872431966888,0.0,0.18832020380614764,0.0,0.19758015902467874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575295067886505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191297362786493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802170002404445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282968582370158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944387655720867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110033957170452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rubyrubixcube,2019/04/01,"Please stop me. I can’t breathe anymore. I can’t live any longer in this body after he touched it without my consent. I just want to be dead most days, I feel like I’m struggling to stay alive. Every day, I feel like I’m being pulled underwater, like I’m drowning in my flashbacks and anxiety, it happens over and over again in my mind, every day. I have so much to live for and yet I can’t...I just feel so gross. He broke me. I’m broken and I can’t put myself back together. ",0.32209720972097244,2.4004344950495096,2.1275427542754284,96.16297929792982,85.23762376237623,4.86084608460846,21.063006300630068,6.11248444174946,0.023962376237623758,368,12,85,3,11,121,60,101,0.211,0.6559999999999999,0.134,-0.853,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,0,0,6,2,2,0,0,14,15,6,2,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,4,14,3,11,13,2,16,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,11,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266927426111486,0.0,0.14252163830738007,0.0,0.1847629728271696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325586226300627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694114690048848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604509609928971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31393740346158017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826018841676633,0.2661904606055621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16474753595308922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273055382586068,0.0,0.32901873993417075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811338722530374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695448074078873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450525512714526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728643642493603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857470176620706,0.0,0.1557580361437633,0.0,0.19476482904435471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098866086991995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958988887703692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hayden_A9,2019/04/01,"Im so tired Im a freshman in college and I broke up with my gf of nine months but i had known since fourth grade. Dont ask me why because i dont know, our relationship was perfect and I made a quick decision. That was three weeks ago and ive felt like pure shit since then. I wake up every hour from a dream of her so i cant sleep anymore and im just tired of crying all day and night. She wont give me a second chance and im pretty sure has moved on and doesnt love me anymore. everyone is telling me to do the same but the thing is, i dont want to move on, I want her. We had our whole lives planned out and everything was perfect. We had an argument once. Not a fight an argument, and i just know that she is the one. Yesterday on the train I decided i am going to kill myself. And Ive been waiting all day for it to be night time so i can do it. These are probably my last hours unless something happens. Ive made my peace with god and a recorded a video so people will know what lead me to this and how i feel. Im so tired of feeling like pure shit and i need peace.",-0.3128033472803331,1.499256581589961,1.8639230125523016,98.72657907949792,85.69456066945607,5.330276150627616,19.183430962343095,6.55674776486733,-0.1729696736401669,829,23,210,9,25,278,129,239,0.173,0.6579999999999999,0.17,-0.2196,0,0,1,0,1,1,18.0,4,0,0,4,9,11,4,0,13,0,27,8,4,4,7,49,44,23,1,3,6,0,3,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,8,18,0,1,9,2,0,4,7,5,0,4,10,3,34,6,21,31,4,25,0,1,0,1,15,7,2,0,16,134,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320136648506858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861681106590112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774657713498027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721628087419756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310097575360204,0.12106407354689197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33001021690271737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908123090537822,0.08968740284370456,0.08435545748308652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491703169585512,0.06705371531982374,0.09012047050232956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003921576824281,0.053342890553357024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300022735833565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848666970285583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069253832799047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384235780830704,0.0,0.1547492638304974,0.07650855576524389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917106638548423,0.0,0.08288023872923124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471245674919639,0.1776255010666289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749182822916336,0.19951698685900465,0.0,0.06959611753799795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616279922987266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995800454441532,0.06360207188719197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507081516079295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548952358111916,0.10119712483615707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077068304328612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926922058710984,0.15528418452662224,0.0,0.09392794225001933,0.0,0.0,0.07225813488728301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846208771731237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203791476723707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235651805597305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473061268055748,0.3236353312080186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072230553138053,0.0,0.07528895684260882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469419319037179,0.1047915139837954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mjauitslocu,2019/04/01,"Im going to kill myself soon I can feel it. Soon im going to. Theres no point. This is just me being attention seeking probably. I fucking hate myself. I hate everything.

I want to go away. Please i wish i could be erased",-1.6825059101654851,-0.07380397872340261,1.5104964539007106,93.53444444444445,110.06382978723404,4.642080378250592,15.860520094562647,6.42735559955562,0.038793853427895986,171,5,37,3,9,60,33,47,0.285,0.594,0.121,-0.8906,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,14,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,0,1,9,0,4,11,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469870484965585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739537340398915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958100598160464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101630541073969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201419929562416,0.0,0.0,0.3714664670785972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302086457348828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706801081232354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410440166003579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23915895202368126,0.20596025625807776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349037710020465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850704575585514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505430133223074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,letmethefrickIN,2019/04/01,"Feeling better, kids. I know no one cares but in my last post that if I never posted here again than consider it my suicide note. Already feeling better now for a couple reason that I could go into if anyone's curious. Otherwise I just wanna say I appreciate y'all.",4.181730769230768,5.7818775576923045,6.272307692307695,73.24769230769233,71.5,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.581484615384616,211,8,35,4,4,74,43,52,0.131,0.5820000000000001,0.28800000000000003,0.7543,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,12,6,3,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,8,3,5,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26261125269212704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639760413189747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209389732193412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263130116232906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000361727530526,0.2633147335046179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406545497402263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524663675845744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307847978540965,0.1939813299046076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18354093657621412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125797129437716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558284008669176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24467786253683446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924721581742104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26030594834314513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tylercotxsux,2019/04/01,"Lost my little sister to renal failure, I miss her too much to carry on So, this is an act of desperation, I don't really expect anyone to really understand. Well, here it goes. I lost my little sister a little more than 7 months ago, actually, she died on Sept 5, 2018, at the tender age of 22. She had end stage renal failure since the age of 15. She had a transplant around 17 or 18, but her body rejected it. She was the nicest person one could ever meet, and the fact she was taken I took as a personal fuck you from God. I lived with her for her last year, and I feel cheated that I wasn't with her at her passing, and I couldn't give her a place of her own to die in. Actually, I feel extremely guilty about it. 
   I've also lost 3 jobs because my grief has made me too emotionally unstable to hold a job. I've been contemplating drinking oleander tea and ending it all, the grief is just too damn much.",4.751390374331553,4.531791304812835,6.247486631016043,80.55005347593584,69.10695187165776,9.580748663101604,26.62566844919786,9.339509955726095,1.9205550802139035,702,18,151,13,11,241,117,187,0.257,0.7020000000000001,0.042,-0.9922,2,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,3,11,12,3,0,11,0,12,5,1,1,3,21,24,9,4,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,7,2,1,3,1,0,3,3,10,1,1,12,2,27,2,22,10,5,23,0,7,0,1,20,10,2,1,9,99,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.24916494776632436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316718317983104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209353127345858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926622872357212,0.0,0.0,0.11364877951622933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782330521844245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180686399787631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192999139914988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649919090695568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250629466283577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360576860365415,0.22614632135793414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548016221539226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291023641389153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802409302237962,0.0,0.12246775329154826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337532141951513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406388874230206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838611435441842,0.1127303980030456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180837810068209,0.0,0.0,0.12079956415273475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019008621347237,0.0,0.18769670232520547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650900368525005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294403864108944,0.13338259205965206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357073886781015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560567991637873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418403413761424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290360709538887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147860285433184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221197520891586
suicidewatch,throwawayxd11,2019/04/01,Ive lost the will I've lost the will to do anything in my life. I don't care about school or homework anymore. I don't like playing my favriot video games anymore. Hanging out with friends isn't the same as it was. I've just given up on life and am really considering ending it all.,2.154,3.685033066666669,3.6433333333333344,90.315,76.66666666666666,6.133333333333334,27.0,6.742157984588678,1.0513999999999997,224,9,49,2,5,74,43,60,0.182,0.7659999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.7032,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,0,1,7,13,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,5,4,8,7,2,6,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,31,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043263027994934,0.0,0.0,0.2092389234727708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592407245018079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252038510397988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964449713630666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591906247661635,0.12422132841514393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5551218755164161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288905381818075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25733036118491737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DanksOutForMemes,2019/04/01,"I'm A 24 Year Old Kissless Virgin And I Want To Die Because Of It I have a pretty good life.  I have a circle of friends, a well-knit family and I have many different hobbies and interests. I play piano, guitar, run the sound board, I volunteer at many different places.  I don't have a good job yet, but i'm on my way to college and I will eventually receive a large amount of land and inheritance when I am older. 

​

I have so many things going for me in my life, yet there's one thing that I deeply struggle with and that's finding a love life. 

I am 24 years old and I have never even kissed a girl, let alone have sex. All around me, everybody is going on dates and having sex, the only thing that has ever fucked me is life.  And it's so frustrating because I want to have a dating life, but i'm terrified of women, i'm terrified of rejection. 

Just the other day, I got rejected by this girl I like, and let me tell you it stings like hell. Getting rejected once is one thing, but constantly getting rejected, flaked on, written off over a period of years and never having the validation of feeling wanted in a romantic or sexual way by another person, that can be tough. It's hard to stay positive when you've never felt wanted in your entire adult life. 

And then to add salt to the wound, dating is everywhere in our culture. I can't turn on the radio without hearing young horny rappers talking about how much they want sex. My Facebook stream is constantly about people talking about their significant other's. And meanwhile, my sister never struggled with dating. She can find a new boyfriend with the snap of her fingers, i'll be lucky to even kiss a girl by the time i'm 30. 

Honestly, it's not just sex that I want. I want the validation that usually comes from getting it. The fact that somebody is attracted to me enough to actually want me. I was always the short scrawny guy with Aspergers growing up so I’ve never really felt wanted in a romantic way. And that has carried with me all the way to adulthood.

​

I joined all of these clubs at my local college and tried talking to girls there, but I can tell that they're not interested in me. And it hurts, it stings!  


I might just kill myself, iv'e been contemplating killing myself for the past 2 years. That's my dark secret.  I contemplate killing myself because I can't get a girlfriend, because nobody will ever be attracted to me.  ",4.545121253575427,5.815576317124737,5.502395846287778,80.39151442606642,70.18393234672305,8.693669941549558,29.133752020892924,9.088552180705676,2.429440293495834,1910,72,363,37,34,628,222,473,0.166,0.696,0.13699999999999998,-0.9851,3,4,0,0,0,4,60.0,1,2,2,0,21,29,6,2,28,0,36,17,1,1,11,64,66,28,4,9,11,1,5,2,2,3,7,2,0,8,26,24,0,0,6,4,1,6,11,14,0,2,6,8,50,15,52,52,6,63,1,5,0,9,28,20,2,3,34,245,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.06672269540130094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081434940202204,0.0,0.0,0.05689224838428453,0.14816536710336045,0.16616262848194088,0.0,0.07169560041182639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608669314554031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671945988429787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058897735817155836,0.0,0.14777497634284942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044095265903224906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096092203642991,0.14287155784333752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064812660355614,0.0,0.09032013412668702,0.12369553193519978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445647235086402,0.0,0.03457170759872392,0.0,0.1312986088671383,0.0,0.12498432257353248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282521422439072,0.06321022021229397,0.1428893749160553,0.0,0.07771649752346492,0.11469693418361142,0.05468455234442093,0.0,0.0,0.06770053739184619,0.0,0.0,0.061249246635876976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770619296025086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319527045430567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785017132159361,0.0,0.22693551829650996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983311933142106,0.2897654478352201,0.06680769926801076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170977394419835,0.0,0.0,0.2079600618718108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253350287319367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050262406527656685,0.0,0.26366937997051143,0.06603557452884637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434930213458845,0.07281557047284591,0.0926633373450948,0.052001145233479935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527026428249076,0.04740159178508704,0.05970112295143527,0.07143577892166876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956045356677677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04380182960677943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287707807948134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429577033444424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486814341594075,0.11952294548906793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169732201600552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986915107826474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046421133928076334,0.07437075901974839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530377579239853,0.0,0.3629562780026501,0.21708687997315354,0.0,0.0,0.06147600846330595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659096362102883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616262848194088,0.176121228266769
suicidewatch,Frequent_Sell,2019/04/01,"If I can rationalize my suicide, why shouldn't I do it? I've been fighting my whole life to maintain jobs, relationships, health, hobbies, etc. Severe mood swings have made that all but impossible. People are confused. I'm confused. Why am I like this? How is it that all of my other friends, acquaintances, coworkers, can all lead normal, productive, stable lives? I'm genuinely confused as how they can, while I've fallen farther and farther behind. It's fucking enraging and depressing. It makes no fucking sense why I'm like this.

My son is 8 months old. He wouldn't even notice I was gone. My girlfriend would grieve for awhile. Eventually, she would find another man, one who makes more money and can provide emotional and financial stability, marry him, and they could raise our son in a stable environment. They'd never have to know the fucking anxiety that comes from me being a constant fuck up again. My family and friends would grieve, but they'd eventually get over it and be rid of the lunacy that comes with knowing me. No one would ever have to wonder where I was working, what mood I would be in, am I drunk or sober, what I would fuck up, where I was, etc. It'd all go with me, with my death.

I can make a great case for suicide. I can honestly say that for the people who love me, their lives would get better if I was dead. So, why shouldn't I do it? I've struggled so hard against the current my whole life. And I've lost. Death is easier than this. For everyone. Just my thoughts tonight...",3.186404853128991,5.470805913793106,3.979578544061305,85.66142401021712,76.06896551724137,7.330779054916985,25.91315453384419,8.285830014693849,1.7519208173690926,1185,44,231,22,27,378,153,290,0.246,0.627,0.127,-0.9919,3,0,0,0,2,2,52.0,1,0,5,4,10,25,7,4,7,0,39,10,0,7,6,52,63,19,7,14,6,2,1,2,3,10,3,1,0,1,20,13,1,0,5,1,1,6,6,15,0,2,9,2,34,8,22,37,9,24,0,4,0,6,21,9,5,7,11,157,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417714767600684,0.06870698094986087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943262569049131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473252841103927,0.0,0.09705634439155414,0.0,0.07170866643894415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735612254615437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010279508332571,0.0,0.0,0.20033129358095605,0.05932088273831266,0.08124133357562305,0.0,0.08582052231591487,0.0,0.0,0.08466805048557004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208779155611645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877917117509805,0.4151550589835192,0.09384755609482204,0.0,0.05104300697732959,0.0,0.0,0.0990195556635482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045513688898066,0.0,0.0,0.09546741068264182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089125909647059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871815683398627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268756763103525,0.08775655024460692,0.0,0.15861369940225922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980419010611262,0.0,0.08106007147458269,0.08498358071940873,0.17985336233692698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168817373922272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926960648209585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799803178920466,0.0,0.10225311513373064,0.09424402183776563,0.0,0.12171972555042765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453056209807713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642594588202376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142319534836612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146354186492976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389243316157174,0.0,0.19648249532813145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130178221111554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32417038140302923,0.2005468366619356,0.0,0.0,0.09739876678259944,0.06538520182334626,0.0,0.0,0.4466058799796187,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BPD-is-killing-me,2019/04/01,"Today my partner and I celebrate six years together... ...and all I can think about is suicide. My partner is amazing. She's beautiful, smart, loving, funny, encouraging, and caring. I'm so lucky to have her. She really is just a genuinely wonderful person. Yet, BPD is just too much to handle. I really, really want to die. I just know it would kill her though. The only way for me to stop suffering is to create suffering for her. It's just so unfair. ",1.538160676532769,4.207661906976746,4.198625792811844,78.88559196617338,86.90697674418604,8.243551797040169,21.77167019027484,8.841846274778883,2.3595255813953493,348,12,62,11,11,122,57,86,0.209,0.48,0.311,0.8888,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,1,15,15,6,3,2,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,12,6,8,14,2,5,0,2,0,1,10,0,0,2,4,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900002798252475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347620730633525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389701237514039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547449466297565,0.0,0.1265430722347632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781568070022444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926518375552072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751206122333049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010512875308749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425250549716477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250492913169145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518634808081664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753920958223438,0.22622605949591634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825644848021686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581137990618095,0.1827670677156573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497035920408126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356776834817474,0.0,0.0,0.14827777918581742
suicidewatch,hesitantandrew,2019/04/01,"suicide is the only good option ive been in and out of therapy for about four years. ive been cutting since october 2017.  im on two different medications as well. after i started taking my second medication, everything was ok for a few weeks. now, however, everything is back to where i started. im suicidal. im pretty sure thats just what im supposed to do.",1.6483333333333334,4.104466055555555,4.800555555555559,76.67500000000003,82.8888888888889,8.6,28.44444444444445,9.188382445141503,3.2088277777777776,284,14,52,9,8,103,55,72,0.136,0.6990000000000001,0.165,0.0516,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,1,8,2,0,0,1,5,11,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,5,4,11,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,7,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172418933527021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930124573167942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27406479180620397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788664708961026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6587855902873534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30719988098462425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596215986180812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511928439947256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612677641994252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158415529459832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33356020005134995,0.0,0.14370346849134466,0.0,0.11464029803753265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436552109548667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894341693191365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230419286454018,0.0,0.13709103307397846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818725114432604
suicidewatch,Jazzuz,2019/04/01,someone dm me will delete this in a couple of minutes ,2.4818181818181806,4.4943153636363675,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,77.18181818181819,4.4,29.181818181818183,3.1291,0.9442,43,2,8,0,1,14,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7939545501125852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6079771149932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,load_PROG_8_1,2019/04/01,"Does anyone else feel that the end is a lot closer now? I had sort of slowly working my way to it for a year or two. Wrapping up projects, packing and getting rid of belongings. A few hiatus gaps, but back on track to tying up lose ends. I feel I'm very close and cant quite know what I should be feeling. It's not sadness or pain or regret. It's like a taking out the trash. You dont think about it but know you have to take it out or it will fester and stink up the place.
  
I quit job of 6 years last Friday. I have 30 days before I'm broke and homeless. I don't have any family. They all died, moved very far away, or hate me.  Only 2 or 3 friends left but they are broke and have no means to help. So it's just me.
  
I feel like I'll be gone in a fortnight, if not sooner. I don't want to be hasty and leave a big mess for people that dont like me anyway.  
  
Anyhow, it's just weird, I feel like I spent a long time on something and the work is unfinished and i won't have time to get it perfect. So I have to start being ok with failure and disappoint people in the end. Like, how could this guy leave with all this stuff do deal with.  That's what scares me now. Disappointment.  But I dont think I have time to go the way I intended. Not enough money or time.

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suicidewatch,_Ice-Bear_,2019/04/01,"Not suicidal, Just waiting to die... I have to get this off my chest.

I live a very unproductive, self-destructive life. It's not like I've been dealt a bad hand at life or anything or had been traumatized or done wrong by someone to be this way. I feel lost and hopeless and at this point, the only way I see my life going is me dead one way or another.

let me explain a little...

I'm a student in high school, which wouldn't be that bad if it wasn't for the fact that I stayed back a year to 'improve my grades' (like that would actually happen). The thing is, I graduated High school. hell, I even got into university. But my parents insisted that I go back so I could apply to the engineering program I didn't get into. you see, my dad has wants all his kids to work high paying jobs and be rich so we can take care of him later. my brother went into law, and my sister went into med. Going into High school, I was clueless as to what I'd want as a career. At some point my dad just decided for me and I went along with it. But the further I went  through high school the harder the classes got and at some point I couldn't keep up. back then I keep telling myself that if i studied properly I'd be able to get into any program easily so I'd put things off and say that next year I'll really try. This year I don't have anymore 'next year's and I'm now finding out that It's not just that I didn't study. I'm not very good at math and Sciences in general. So, I'm more than halfway trough my second semester and I know I won't be getting into any of the programs I've applied to. I'm a very careless person, even my math teacher said I was way too nonchalant, and I shrug things off quite frequently when things get hard so watching my life fall apart in front of me doesn't make me feel bad or good. I don't really have a feeling for the way my life is going. I feel like I should be  horrified or panicked in the least for my seemingly hopeless situation, because I really don't know what I'm going to do or what I can do, but i really don't feel any of that. I know things are bad but I just don't care that much and It's one of the things hate myself for. I know I should and I want to but I just can't bring myself to. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm at the point where I've given up of my life. I  contemplate suicide when things are especially rough but I don't have the guts to end myself... yet. i have a feeling i might get to that point but as of now, I'm really just silently wishing for a freak accident to happen. I wouldn't mind dying. I don't have a reason to live or goals or aspirations. I'm a waste of life and resources and I serve no purpose. If i never existed, I'm sure wouldn't notice.

I don't want anything

I don't do anything

I don't feel anything

I just want it to end

​

I hate that I feel this way when I know how a lot of other people have it worse, and I had every chance to do well in life. Sorry.",1.994945054945056,3.051946736263737,3.9289795918367325,90.04816326530614,76.14285714285714,7.083830455259028,23.20408163265306,7.5991,0.8023833594976453,2289,65,532,30,49,780,236,637,0.145,0.8059999999999999,0.049,-0.995,2,0,0,0,0,4,65.0,1,1,0,4,27,24,3,0,26,0,59,11,3,3,4,107,125,48,5,17,30,5,11,3,0,8,8,2,0,2,37,28,0,3,19,0,2,13,27,14,1,3,19,16,79,10,66,89,7,79,1,3,3,0,15,38,1,17,24,346,116,18,0.05249786868441363,0.0,0.051230346927387115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056881418786184315,0.06379065662963603,0.1071010528020786,0.055048592689101235,0.0,0.0,0.05206377913681271,0.0,0.0,0.17280509127586574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110286155481338,0.17533411005618196,0.032002213482418176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705015184659526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419152763540506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896899869973456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372354653485207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299505892285204,0.0,0.0,0.06934869429372742,0.0,0.044231718581128655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235599833040064,0.03750448787771525,0.0,0.0,0.047982100898472435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164567817707892,0.0,0.14917874293605424,0.08806544301595362,0.08397468271699711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284738380150633,0.0,0.04702777870895028,0.10366155331706907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27733440299040873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052096034115254264,0.09332503563613648,0.0,0.0,0.1731087341464707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368262756923745,0.29664637758581075,0.07694342060828986,0.052616656106740836,0.09271315970775562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057307625163446,0.04463181061393858,0.0,0.0,0.035042734999477285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058313297311058415,0.0,0.0,0.05569194250476711,0.05300788191115173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859197396523362,0.0,0.040489592720365376,0.0,0.11166415784241787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059769171450735736,0.0,0.0,0.07114782895215822,0.03992699477906099,0.0,0.0,0.0582926704701471,0.0,0.0,0.03639541204765303,0.04583911399803834,0.0,0.0,0.24813727358760504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052774858036462126,0.0,0.05583794543626065,0.0,0.0,0.1681573948199531,0.053976552515259686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993749500984068,0.04174841228800555,0.0,0.21252258334428856,0.08366800883901239,0.047792087968233636,0.05476672639757283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900980397575415,0.0,0.0,0.044481273774280614,0.0,0.0,0.05876706592838716,0.0,0.0559557429538932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484829518373828,0.0,0.049478619948303965,0.0,0.03947186381030891,0.0,0.04588545116740547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441407586530501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03564260678611137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299487190586673,0.15482301561471706,0.2500221875222353,0.0,0.0,0.047201888687859316,0.19466420089636535,0.0,0.0,0.06036995813825328,0.0,0.0,0.038219073648851486,0.0,0.053499813207813565,0.03729297967597095,0.11479635630582767,0.06379065662963603,0.13522762489010884
suicidewatch,throwaway444276,2019/04/01,"yea no job, estranged from family, s.o. is increasingly hating me for not having a job (despite the fact that i pay all the bills using money saved from being a workaholic at my various previously shitty dead end jobs), s.o. doesn't even want me in the apartment anymore, if i loose them I'll have nothing but a stupid bank account, i have no drive, every morning i wake up and stay in bed for hours because I'm too upset that i didn't just die in my sleep, can't talk to anyone i know about it because every time i do they just hate me more, life is only down hill from this point on
</vent>


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suicidewatch,Ezkling,2019/04/01,"Just found this sub and I feel sad. Seeing people so low in their lives and nothing can save them, it's just heartbreaking. Knowing that some of these people are actually going through with it/ are already doing it is a really fucked up thing to think about. I know this probably won't help but please know things can get better (though I for one can't tell you how due to still being a teen.) I just wish I can be more helpful than that.",2.5888636363636373,4.627948340909093,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,76.95454545454545,6.218181818181819,20.090909090909093,7.1686216300943375,0.3102227272727278,346,8,73,4,8,108,70,88,0.156,0.722,0.123,0.2231,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,1,8,6,1,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,0,17,22,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,8,2,10,18,2,6,0,3,1,1,6,3,1,1,2,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.2002984328108425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226503047951118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153060742483024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037826606070246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505057074780824,0.0,0.1897541454223665,0.10723681683147633,0.0,0.11665065809971938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27515504754045833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384069231909777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812431664451344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694688349395773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908551758599236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845947541593807,0.0,0.0,0.225307409549558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129867893321867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149105820317952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356097559334482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639162216987901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940116569338474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727234610865504,0.13151856539968093,0.20166115085727296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23603213191367364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gabegee,2019/04/01,"If anybody knew my thoughts and the hurt I've caused in the past, I truly believe nobody would love me. I need love. Love from a parent, friend, someone. And to feel like if people knew the true me, they would no longer love me, not a single person, that hurts a lot. I want to say I am a good person. I love my friends and family, recently have been treating people well, I always try to be there for people and show love, I love to take care of the environment.. yet I still believe I should kill myself and here is why.

My past actions. I have horribly harassed two girls in my life and almost drove one to suicide. Sometimes I wish I could still be cruel to her. Why? Because I felt like she was a fake friend to me. I would cry, be broken for days, and nothing would seem to fix how upset I was except hurting her. I bullied her so much. Tried to embarrass her in fornt of her classmates. Caused her so much pain she almost attempted suicide, at least twice.

To know I caused another person that much pain and to still wish I could hurt them makes me feel disgusting. She has forgiven me, we were even on good terms for a little while, but that did not last. What kind of person like me deserves any amount of sympathy or love? I almost caused someone's daughter to die. I still wish I could hurt her even after all this. But I won't because I know it is wrong, but the fact that I even have a desire makes me want to die.

I've attempted suicide over this guilt. I believe I deserve nothing because of it. Fuck, I feel like I am asking for sympathy but I just want to somewhat defend myself for what I did. I know if was wrong and horrible. I tried to give her a card but it didn't ever mail there. I hate myself. I hate myself a lot.

Another girl I used fake phone numbers to harass her for the same reason, I felt like she was a fake friend. Again, I would be in so much pain until I did something mean to her. This girl took it so much better and seemed unfazed after a while. I'm actually on talking terms with her now, but I plan to tell her that those numbers were me and she will most likely be disgusted and horrified.

I just have this urge to bully people sometimes. Be so mean to them. I don't know why. Someone will give a dumb answer in class and I'll want to go up to them and call them an idiot. Or I will assume something my friend did was on purpose to hurt me and I'll want to be cruel to them.

I've not done anything like this in a long time but I still have desires to and I hate myself so so much. Now, another reason I hate myself.

Thoughts. Thoughts of torturing and killing the people around me. I would never, I would probably take a bullet for anyone I think about hurting, but still. Imagine if anyone knew I thought about slowly killing them in the most horrific way I could imagine. Would ANYONE still love me? Probably not.

May kill myself. Really considering it. I'm sorry if anyone is upset now reading what I've done. Know I have so much hate for it and myself that I'm considering suicide though.",2.0029656297463028,4.055877601957587,3.2385849693424085,90.66802202283851,78.8531810766721,5.858907577206503,22.151347246442032,6.879701675869418,0.5643170051189741,2362,71,491,25,58,764,227,613,0.276,0.588,0.13699999999999998,-0.9991,1,0,2,0,0,7,73.0,1,0,7,4,35,67,19,4,23,0,53,14,0,10,5,118,114,46,10,29,22,2,5,7,5,14,4,1,0,7,21,21,0,0,28,2,0,4,9,38,1,3,26,6,101,29,62,63,19,48,0,7,0,10,57,15,2,19,35,352,122,2,0.0,0.0,0.041210643611422716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686252077227453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513896071368209,0.0,0.0,0.028718026079936083,0.1328463344882111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811352347723995,0.0,0.034751907111339804,0.03759388623081023,0.03947959400473113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722952665945572,0.0,0.0,0.1427371306185682,0.0,0.03734923465035123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312181880182917,0.0,0.043056566282399435,0.17352844642623486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486971057599068,0.0,0.04638795947541495,0.027235025161367967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765668865122761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643243946512905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367806867012956,0.03819968941787898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039810932315081315,0.0,0.06405866754874298,0.06033861476472638,0.08109534760482298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313497708726996,0.03904119643400387,0.0,0.0810222301336361,0.024000430909638312,0.07084147979236849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208468202255746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164585798901485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868861104614713,0.04397631897220855,0.11604323701350636,0.03442329966733282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02982848272195932,0.14442100906834712,0.04232581649140667,0.0,0.03737245267816989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180531662416938,0.3430301395131604,0.0,0.056378055189822335,0.0,0.0,0.09200227039041832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173087098780971,0.03131320393818944,0.032570581220847036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104215007727746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02861631824228795,0.0,0.1348079276477985,0.0,0.046891707981370497,0.0,0.08062712645498597,0.14638573081621015,0.14749534240820605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910627293605251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224168978879385,0.0,0.027053787000008638,0.08683948489485903,0.04169728871249941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033583199086711465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688968835195402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073446910378455,0.06502183725071575,0.08353361725348962,0.04727332050857277,0.0,0.0,0.2360759907022044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18477220811738548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350380232524493,0.03394308468468931,0.03691111008265297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027059446501462844,0.041491017686078296,0.13410444243239875,0.024624805192511798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046919374579579315,0.08601472684109121,0.0,0.04125282936456659,0.0,0.0,0.03647338709576377,0.0,0.0,0.12454251243676395,0.033520416064887044,0.0,0.0,0.03797007690107063,0.0,0.11431872800817808,0.0,0.1456881504159055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399933300178968,0.09234432345958446,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seanzach,2019/04/01,"Someone please give me a reason The obvious one is that I have a kid, but he is still a baby and my baby mum has already got a new better boyfriend and is pregnant to him while my baby is 12 months old, I am a drug addicted failure, can't stop coke and opiates and I can't hold a job down for longer than a month, now claiming benefits and live alone.
End up drunk and high 4 times a week, considering suicide.
The only thing keeping me going was seeing my boy, saw him as much as possible while working, and when I'm not working, I'm with whenever my baby mum's bf is away. (We never even get close to getting back together).
She's moving away with her bf now, taking my baby with her. I'll be lucky to see him once a fortnight. If I die now he will grow up with her new man as his daddy.
He's a better man than me, better job, less drugs, more confident, there's still time for him to grow up thinking he's his real dad.",6.6167460317460325,4.260053622448979,7.532925170068027,79.84382086167801,66.34693877551021,10.343764172335602,33.002267573696145,8.515128840125781,2.3758362811791383,714,22,158,8,9,243,118,196,0.105,0.765,0.131,0.5148,2,1,2,0,0,1,23.0,1,0,0,5,9,5,0,0,12,0,13,5,0,1,2,25,26,15,2,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,2,13,2,3,2,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,3,3,23,5,21,21,3,32,0,0,3,0,25,8,0,2,20,97,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386627484315616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173701262826212,0.14036428661929914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390102330867701,0.09780610796280548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33748438850482915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320096839322139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29501466563576034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126581732616509,0.0,0.0,0.08401196050312047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290964011330278,0.12201828697843024,0.0722885919458907,0.0,0.10173050552042688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438988086207782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524454140072153,0.11305792109952635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231666855178236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305375586835808,0.13518954353343113,0.09350392031239484,0.0,0.09810163259897006,0.24569396991092815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347112643649106,0.13545991466302318,0.0861915088191088,0.09673852240618663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962334766590448,0.0,0.14339472343087428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477724305541165,0.0,0.1307789870938281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202717975458512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077730173152332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031582685725885,0.10634180729848884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913211397982525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563579234443248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084503573806259,0.0815022569299105,0.0,0.0,0.14833837784084702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020292043188614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520085135293365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mistyurchin2603,2019/04/01,"Things are going really well, please help me I use to use a lot of subreddits like this a few years ago. Since then I’ve gotten clean from drugs after overdosing on heroin when I was 14 years old. I’ve been doing really well for myself, and I’ve been stable and been living a happy, clean life. I do stepwork and I try to help others. My relationship with my family is great, and I’m even planning on moving back to Charlotte this week, where I’m from. 

After overdosing I’ve never considered suicide until now. It seems that over the past week these thoughts of blowing my brains out or hanging myself in the garage are coming up. These are some thoughts I’d have when I was still using drugs, which is really stressing me out . I never have thoughts like this anymore, and the scariest part is I don’t even know where it’s coming from. I don’t have intentions to act on the thoughts, but knowing me little things can turn into large problems. I know one thing for certain, there’s a secret of shame that I’ve been holding down that’s been making me have negative self views. This is where part of the problem is, but I don’t know how to talk about it since it could lead to some legal issues. 

Anyways, I need some experience strength, and hope for this. I don’t know what to do. 
I don’t want to kill myself but there’s something in my head that wants me dead.",5.682458791208791,5.6614782234432255,5.803569139194143,83.84403502747256,67.13186813186813,8.583241758241758,27.68521062271062,8.07648339933343,1.5829782051282053,1077,29,219,12,16,341,139,273,0.115,0.748,0.13699999999999998,-0.6864,0,0,3,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,3,17,14,1,2,9,0,29,5,2,7,3,49,54,15,3,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,1,21,12,0,1,11,0,0,7,8,5,2,1,12,1,25,9,34,41,7,40,0,0,1,0,6,15,0,7,20,156,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944949398758369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007433770971502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759257885731717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264750679702774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384785868155972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805674038764771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234044163337048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329851899996226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870809344343152,0.09512776290035987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734875242330476,0.0,0.0,0.11125222276455236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741921146159863,0.0,0.0,0.10356146142349168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527397921691073,0.0,0.0,0.10022513009473463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053224893516923,0.0,0.0,0.1116405505442946,0.0,0.277283974397889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127481490748984,0.09859780940681102,0.10113704958960218,0.08910425067634345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578898731569809,0.0,0.0,0.06735735581918471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725000243636708,0.0,0.07482253910326729,0.15565405519176534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588672956025187,0.0,0.06837836188534513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185486259080857,0.09632879365954597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107674749537038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931120387702692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19393413459338146,0.0,0.0,0.1083382038998454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186351107201274,0.1052698049130091,0.0,0.0,0.16694547598173964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768446451313962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058583611531348,0.0,0.11559060065678235,0.0,0.0,0.11037776423605652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110660876858608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011178141383798,0.0,0.0,0.3204410161166087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851039873603483,0.1097597133805228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614582114549839,0.0,0.0,0.11903715793776083,0.0,0.16188578089358618,0.0,0.18145812030557068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299638176991917
suicidewatch,GirlyThug8,2019/04/01,I would like someone to talk to. Being suicidal sucks even more when you have no one. ,1.382941176470588,3.89186994117647,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,84.88235294117645,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.5173764705882355,67,2,14,1,2,21,16,17,0.388,0.506,0.105,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223186743384972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384116152160111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306806875525557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134798886072373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5337915966646711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922350347851833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34666042075369546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Reallymybrother,2019/04/01,"I'm just a retard Everyday I think about killing myself. I'm a teen, my home situation is fine, no bullies or anything. But I still want to die. It doesn't make any sense. My life is going pretty well... But I still daydream of thing a noose around my neck and stepping off the chair. Quite honestly, the world would be better without me. I've said homophobic things, racist things, sexually assaulted an elementary schooler. I don't deserve to live. I'm an awful, worthless person. 

People at my school look at me like I'm a monster. I'm not pretty, intelligent, unique, athletic. I'm the awkward, depressed, ugly regard who started watching porn when she was in 7th fucking grade. I'm the kid who no one will ever love and no one will ever see as a human, capable of feeling sadness and happiness and contentment.

Moreover, no one understands or even cares. People only work with me or talk to me out of pity or to seem like a good person. I'm nothing less than a machine, doing the 3 hours of homework, studying for the exams, and trying to not kill myself. But I want to give up. I've made a plan. Jumprope, old pull up board. Probably not going to live to graduate.
",2.7143331998398064,5.032427299559476,4.288716459751703,82.69244193031639,77.76651982378854,6.770444533440129,27.058269923908693,7.84624498591911,1.865530396475771,915,38,169,15,22,305,143,227,0.189,0.636,0.175,-0.6756,0,0,0,0,0,3,40.0,0,0,0,4,10,19,4,1,16,1,10,5,1,2,2,31,36,14,3,3,12,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,2,4,6,8,0,0,4,0,0,4,10,9,1,3,3,5,16,10,26,29,1,22,0,4,3,3,11,9,1,5,11,105,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413390943042888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181109931796008,0.11013711772797008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942037299575713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614088579435942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655993943202806,0.0,0.128401929217311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081715958137347,0.22382382415898247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255659910582884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143772373383601,0.0,0.1186835918482089,0.14062596606202885,0.1037705486473664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317023452742983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124101346179263,0.0,0.1218393753724944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737559163642481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738716431244441,0.12088678143413388,0.0,0.21849422702527754,0.0,0.103893722922714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166221912859832,0.1170669484987941,0.08258412636024026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187127711297082,0.0,0.1298234312723096,0.0,0.25150782165816,0.09409470984692866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715438767848014,0.21605523556947967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517356364287365,0.1333911913580087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315915536179792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768614516155967,0.0,0.0,0.12521134464512562,0.09858890030092926,0.11263013094860315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390665742299904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756972240585043,0.0,0.1976060607384221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944152863090458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465824077281944,0.07927484343299537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399782558857025,0.0,0.0,0.12879698562047856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459466389845424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123922661568274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926175986083523,0.0,0.09006970510821034,0.0,0.0,0.08788720817471005,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wE3zpZXSeQ,2019/04/01,"I wish I was dead. It's all too much. I'm wasting all the opportunities that I have. I just want the pain to end. It hurts so much and I can't bear the look of disappointment in the eyes of my colleagues anymore.

I'm too much of a coward to hurt myself,

But I wish I was not alive.",-0.7814285714285703,1.0712095873015883,1.9676190476190487,96.98571428571432,88.04761904761904,4.8698412698412685,16.936507936507937,6.18269132825596,-0.6332158730158732,216,5,56,2,7,75,41,63,0.344,0.53,0.126,-0.9515,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,4,2,1,0,2,9,10,3,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,9,1,6,8,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939497676531195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486987051822395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4952391218707784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942401207248661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101130834827974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461275859697189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643121055944069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5319846301612619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,generalblondie,2019/04/01,"What's the point of being alive anyway? I'm miserable. I'm working a minimum wage job even though I have a college degree and several certifications/credentials. I fucked those opportunities up with failed drug tests. I'm 142 My family is very poor and after hurricane Florence our house needs several repairs we are unable to afford. I hate myself. I'm a bad person. I'm so fat and unattractive.  I'm 22, never had a boyfriend or any kind of intimate relationship. My dad is verbally and physically abusive. He yells at how incompetent I am everyday. I'm trying yo get another job to get out. Only thing keeping me going is my 2 small dogs but even then I feel like im just a burden to them. I literally think about killing myself over 15 times an hour but don't want to fail and be involuntarily committed like 2x before. I'm so miserable. It can't be me meant for me to stay alive feeling like this. ",2.93520438683948,5.275517807909608,5.203921568627454,76.2975672981057,77.13559322033899,8.684479893652378,26.795945496842805,9.325443323948027,2.701722765038219,720,29,134,20,17,251,124,177,0.189,0.6809999999999999,0.131,-0.8789,4,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,2,0,1,4,9,14,3,2,7,0,12,3,1,1,2,22,32,13,1,2,4,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,8,1,1,4,0,2,1,3,9,0,0,2,3,17,5,15,27,0,14,0,4,0,1,7,6,1,1,9,74,22,8,0.0,0.18222351070071488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458678324412013,0.16126886937633764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841351754240676,0.0,0.0,0.1308693553805262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835492412665604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20316206055688896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449854992538197,0.0,0.15552809837229234,0.2197442681500256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218223556412918,0.1607044770267574,0.0,0.08740600270801792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184204249919409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145841229711535,0.17746032411704513,0.0,0.0,0.16612643583461725,0.0,0.30523826715088864,0.13670125107962935,0.17015286036516902,0.16015521844776104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254113655098691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140380353387309,0.11861721654538313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696904482153855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428902950211624,0.0,0.0,0.1453872500886757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511970955454666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474921694542814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639264322750602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021754526146492,0.09854648289812604,0.15110412050024444,0.0,0.08967988105899953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441761754900564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689808510244754,0.09071306444701828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196556523744784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadflowerpot,2019/04/01,"Overb40 life is just not so great now I messed up big time. I’m not going into
The where’s and why’s but I fucked up. Tired of trying to be a mother. A caught a sister. A friend. I fail at it all. ",-3.720531400966181,-2.671838173913041,-0.25753623188405683,106.0124396135266,115.52173913043478,2.0444444444444443,7.2850241545893715,3.1291,-2.581943961352657,148,1,40,0,9,52,37,46,0.358,0.562,0.081,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,6,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,6,4,1,10,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,26,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30479678061179905,0.364717340106391,0.0,0.0,0.22420863401477456,0.0,0.0,0.434947716264728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786534704732345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300414503339516,0.4534302183248952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267845807752425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35598313415735283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KristofferNocturn141,2019/04/01,Please I just need someone to talk to for a bit to take my mind off of my crippling anxiety and depression. Even if its just a few short words. Please...,1.665053763440859,3.717279161290328,2.523870967741935,95.37247311827957,79.96774193548387,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,0.9266043010752684,118,4,27,2,3,37,25,31,0.165,0.765,0.07,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22783956144727005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251538315771744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565210229370846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671427445815404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007239613351704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083758474196186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6538570310473072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25235086504789656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393151392493624,0.2393849206633464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Angry_DM,2019/04/01,"My brother attempted suicide last night. I found out a couple hours ago. He(32) sat in a car and tried to suffocate himself with the exhaust. After a few minutes he stopped and went to my parents, my dad took him to the hospital. He's been there since maybe 2am last night and being held for 72 hours. Our other siblings are with him.

He and his wife separated recently after she cheated and demanded a divorce. They have kids. He blames himself for the relationship failing (and he isn't blameless, the cheating happened after a lot of issues. Supporting my brother, not defending either party.)

He's been staying with me since the split, but I was out of town for the last week. Maybe a month or two ago he told me he called a hotline, he said he wasn't seriously considering suicide but didn't know what else to do. I didn't take that seriously enough and didn't tell anyone else. He hadn't said anything about it since that time.

I've been sitting in a strip mall parking lot for the last hour. I don't know what to do and I'm really emotional right now. Read a few posts here, texted my family. I feel I need to go visit him but I am really unsure of everything and don't want to go. I hate this.",2.8691607142857163,4.811221070833336,4.207142857142859,85.25500000000002,75.79166666666666,7.404761904761906,26.42857142857143,8.269060116576782,1.7632321428571425,947,36,190,17,21,312,134,240,0.13,0.828,0.042,-0.9608,1,0,0,0,1,2,29.0,1,0,1,2,4,8,3,0,16,0,18,1,0,0,0,30,38,13,2,2,6,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,7,14,0,2,4,2,0,6,9,7,0,1,17,3,24,1,25,20,6,35,0,1,0,0,34,6,0,3,20,114,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267400045981664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759905871598867,0.11135404403167,0.08943320793661462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109729769693875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202507771145805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157400963933884,0.12224877013155187,0.0,0.11229402050130287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767329636828176,0.0,0.1024524891965819,0.0,0.054951153392094866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916044897874065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352907834572555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610410573650127,0.0,0.0,0.10729759388903692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32107951683711944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343219764101635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945380622959036,0.35435017792257023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478927766552172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218364473735062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674620241542172,0.0,0.0,0.08058378695573548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397496275442994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067469727531853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408403416245234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870798584870883,0.0,0.13924455716878634,0.0,0.10730698260301157,0.11668011867631135,0.0,0.09281090999411606,0.20675642561568328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697001230705809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583690174624385,0.0,0.09086015574237384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23775344553792005,0.1233271600122174,0.0,0.0,0.08171276384808948,0.0,0.09498986552355304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337135156711778,0.0,0.0,0.10384703657390568,0.12074589660900055,0.07378561917522578,0.0,0.10616317702262434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410143982038348,0.0,0.08717539818240387,0.0,0.0,0.10074612864725822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lordfarquaad789,2019/04/01,"This subreddit is fucked up All these people wanting to kill themselves, and everyone is just like, ""okay see you on the other side"" lmao you're all sick fucks ",2.2590000000000003,5.1455945666666665,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,86.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7823333333333333,127,4,24,2,4,38,27,30,0.338,0.48,0.181,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,5,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,6,2,3,0,0,1,2,1,3,2,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35468492418470104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6863124886535824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41066323294682505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134313640996805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573342120538679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957878468378505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21893561022940025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angeligon,2019/04/01,"I want to commit suicide, but I feel like I'm forced to continue suffering. I have no doubts about it. I'm not questioning it. I'm not even going to reconsider this. I KNOW for sure that I want to commit suicide. It has literally gotten to a point where I am thinking about it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY, and no matter what I try to do to distract myself, it always comes back down to this.

It's all built on the fact that I can't be fixed. I wouldn't expect most of Reddit to understand this (for *obvious* reasons), and I wouldn't even be surprised if people started hating me for this, but I am a transgender woman. I am not taking estrogen yet, and I still present male, and I can't transition. EVER. I'm not going to be able to transition because that means I will risk losing, I'd say, about 99.99% of my family. I know most people want me to get ""fixed"", and I'm trying! I'm trying! Not just for other people but for myself. I'm trying to fix this horrible disease I have! I have looked into conversion therapy and hypnosis, but it all comes back to the 1 or 2 people on this planet that aren't vehemently anti-trans telling me ""You have to live as who you truly are!"". I can't fix this disease though. Professionals have told me that conversion therapy isn't the way to go even. And if that's the case, I can tell you what is the way to go: 

**Suicide.**

That's it. There's nothing I can do to fix myself. There's nothing I can do to change this. My dream is dying. It's the only thing I have to look forward to. It's really gotten to a point where I believe that happy trans person is an oxymoron. I just don't understand how someone can be happy like this! How can you be happy when there's casual bigotry directed at us flying everywhere?! 

My grandparents said it best:

> If you transition, you're going to be miserable and hate yourself!

And I already do. So what difference would it make? Since I would be unhappy with myself, post-transition, and I'm unhappy with myself, pre-transition, then what can I do? Like I said, the answer is simple: **suicide.**

And this is only just the beginning. There's stuff that goes beyond my transness that I hate about myself, such as my obesity. I've been morbidly obese my entire life, currently having a BMI of 29.1. And I'm even on a 5-day diet streak! (today would be my 6, assuming I'm successful for today) But that doesn't stop asshats from being total asshats. My sister, who is notorious for fatshaming me my entire life, is being one of the most discouraging people from me dieting. Every FUCKING TIME, I tell her something like ""I'm on a calorie limit, so I can't eat what you cooked or brought me from KFC or whatever."", she gets pissy and starts treating my diet like it's a joke when achieving this goal of getting to 90 lbs (41 kg/6.5 stone) would mean so much for my mental health and physical health! I've contemplated suicide over my weight before. I've attempted suicide over my weight before. And when I actually try to do something about it, the same asswipes that fatshame me constantly are the ones who get pissy? They need to fuck off. Same goes for my stepdad. Big guy. 5'10"" (178 cm) and weighs 200 lbs (91 kg/14 stone). He needs to be wearing a fucking bra, but he one time just explicitly told me that I'm ""bigger"" than him. So why is he telling me shit like ""Quit worrying about the calories and just eat the damn pizza!"". Sounds like some people need to shut the fuck up.

Also, I feel sickened by how much of a pathetic person I've been in the past. Always making mistakes. Always being inadequate and lacking skills that kids half my age would have. And to this very day, I still haven't forgiven myself for the past because I was a genuinely terrible person then. I still am now (because I'm trans, so I disappoint my family just by existing), but at least I acknowledge it. I'm not even going to provide examples because even I have a remaining shred of dignity left that prevents me from doing so.

The last point I want to make, though, regarding my transness is that, even not taking other people into consideration, I still would never be unhappy as a trans person. You know why? Because I can't pass. I have a horrifying man face and thick eyebrows that prevent me from doing so. My grandmother put it best, saying: ""I think you're always going to look like a man."". I denied it at first, but now I see it's true. I just look at the mirror, and I know it's true. Some people have mistaken me for things like a butch lesbian before, and I got gendered as female 100% of the time when presenting like that in public once, but I genuinely believe that the latter was just out of niceness. The former, well, was just the product of people who can't see very well. 

I don't think I have a reason to keep going like this anymore. I think about suicide every single day, and my mental health issues are getting far too intense for me to do anything about them. But I'm not going to commit suicide. You know why? Because, mom would be sad. And I'm not saying that as a joke or a meme or anything like that. I really just don't want to upset anyone. I'm pretty useless right now, so I might as well just suck it up and be everyone's bitch until they no longer need me. And this is why, referring to the title, I feel like I'm forced to continue suffering.

~ Angie",3.1334659090909085,4.907774808712127,4.700416666666668,82.73625,74.58712121212122,7.716666666666668,25.25757575757576,8.472884824447931,1.7690893939393937,4162,140,805,77,88,1397,380,1056,0.165,0.708,0.127,-0.9967,2,0,2,0,0,11,181.0,1,8,3,11,67,57,11,6,42,0,89,26,3,8,14,152,179,71,9,24,38,2,6,13,0,11,8,6,0,10,69,33,12,6,24,5,0,15,28,26,3,5,13,18,113,31,105,140,18,92,0,8,6,5,49,33,8,17,57,558,182,4,0.04088445425505305,0.0,0.03989732969950283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045117011926809614,0.032695283296619436,0.1360765645021919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040546392640434484,0.028587361026043458,0.0,0.06728884454128302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287524335076845,0.0,0.14953670302857347,0.0,0.10436897786612152,0.09212555886203999,0.085811424740598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325033151667239,0.07043667436748867,0.0,0.04418157058124438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054683628319912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424316086938682,0.04271555288401978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367000703622694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902657511493776,0.036982329552875226,0.10334074812580556,0.03906684810549906,0.0,0.0,0.07708444969683191,0.0,0.06201722553526527,0.05841572457782025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034776295903514984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118807662191053,0.10680219952322577,0.0,0.2091201978218822,0.0,0.032699032933740615,0.0,0.0,0.04048203755724386,0.0,0.1305667853935251,0.0,0.12109480272646965,0.0,0.13037478908954742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267274812758645,0.0,0.036339981469091856,0.0,0.0,0.1123451341886378,0.0333262869932875,0.0,0.0,0.044421079174413784,0.0,0.05775579827460255,0.259663029541056,0.0,0.036101722145136836,0.0,0.13733057824528178,0.045739246473022084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187207206471438,0.0,0.0,0.08907031274444599,0.0,0.0,0.08240382752565409,0.043371945047879765,0.0,0.047883378692370186,0.0,0.0,0.06010955620612603,0.1212612191403321,0.03153261156815279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845947303510463,0.0,0.0,0.043540609457391216,0.08311309290364981,0.062188939570070996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805767551775025,0.25509719472822584,0.14279491387438928,0.0,0.0,0.11594707288349035,0.0,0.03915600566934088,0.0415941882040116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04110016888836588,0.045799945612574944,0.04348564966719744,0.0,0.0,0.05238325660414042,0.0840720565408703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034915100544952504,0.07778095688474806,0.09753887701636256,0.0,0.0,0.06515923342628141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041967304767417286,0.033820043048072616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03464126541523766,0.06294970063850602,0.0,0.0,0.0578764543057155,0.0,0.13060151192275166,0.034181234441900694,0.0,0.0,0.04680291860205499,0.3577676571166747,0.0,0.038533114287745925,0.0,0.06148004293337661,0.0,0.14293926029673165,0.0,0.09350987311234514,0.0,0.05432362945163607,0.10478842977892044,0.0803375374477545,0.0,0.07152016218057955,0.0,0.07750736428006355,0.07813369621099812,0.0,0.1387893035655996,0.0,0.0,0.0851243174944621,0.04917896449875015,0.0,0.0,0.06746791305369945,0.12057355199657024,0.0649043535459183,0.0,0.0995725018931008,0.11028010320258083,0.0,0.14756744318049114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152014787464317,0.0,0.20330200289343825,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmokinGus,2019/04/01,"Whats the point I've only tried once. Put a knife to the neck and almost went but of course didn't have the balls to do it. I feel like the only thing that makes me even slightly not a monster is the fact that I only dont want to kms because I care too much about what it would do to my loved ones. But then again, theyre the ones that made me what I am. Went through abuse and bullshit everyday of my life and everytime like I feel life is about to get better it just gets 5 times worse. Maybe it would be better if I wasnt here but who knows, thats life for ya. A long game of waiting to see whether you get a happy life or you end up being another corpse tied around a noose in your shitty apartment alone 

I have always been alone. Ive tried so many ways already, but no one wants to be with me. Am I just supposed to accept that and live with it somehow? What drugs do I need to do to just forget about it? Why cant I just commit and get it over with before my life goes deeper into a spiral. 

​

Sometimes I get the feeling that I shouldnt be classified or whatever as suicidal, but all I think of is how I can end my life and why I just dont do it already.",3.400452755905512,3.4241872637795265,4.352431102362207,92.13289862204728,72.03149606299212,7.2948818897637775,24.142716535433067,6.6274283507984215,0.502174015748031,911,21,218,6,16,296,138,254,0.163,0.715,0.122,-0.9095,0,2,1,0,1,1,20.0,0,4,0,2,16,8,0,0,13,0,27,9,1,3,3,48,48,19,1,7,15,0,3,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,20,11,0,1,6,2,0,3,8,0,0,3,6,4,27,8,28,35,2,18,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,5,9,149,47,1,0.0,0.11802213219321543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974550855366444,0.20633283584292095,0.2198452866921568,0.0,0.08288390026692864,0.10792791512701116,0.12103763797628565,0.0,0.1044502750879656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867444721515301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072162499304312,0.0,0.08476118312817006,0.0,0.0,0.17619475231664838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155952461614072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334854849991525,0.0,0.11551653434643505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645064136646965,0.0,0.0,0.06579178360544319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109815727347375,0.07116174791215334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26021182665672216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106037209844032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474331561282636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42214697364308296,0.09732929951705584,0.0,0.08795788014456206,0.08815214159996024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990234863873837,0.09425384610967592,0.06649076991308353,0.1009893937938111,0.10007211726122514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732251652575729,0.07385990989882442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608191190098934,0.2024959206841564,0.22727477948410976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416410200413527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013604654289664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937665717135943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851731327213356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895769936458656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617677778798517,0.06382637447305775,0.0,0.0,0.05808367282968582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525795671788698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750568565657273,0.07906616375669473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467982867643706,0.1797659323331972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151159064629917,0.14152085623712146,0.0,0.12103763797628565,0.0
suicidewatch,KFudge300,2019/04/01,"I will never have a normal life. I'm a 27 year old guy. Growing up, my childhood was really not great. I was adopted by relatives, never knew my biological parents, and had a learning disability. My grades in high school were incredibly mediocre, being mostly Cs with a few Bs sprinkled in. My immediate family is poor. I have no friends. I'm ugly. I have no social skills. I have no job. I have no attention span. Everything feels like a monumental challenge for me. My life isn't going to get any better. If I don't kill myself now, then my 30s, 40s and 50s will get worse. The only fate I can see for myself is either homeless or working a low-skill dead-end job living a shithole apartment, with no means of entertainment.   


​",2.1791901408450727,4.798895985915493,4.324771126760563,79.86349471830988,82.09859154929578,6.648591549295776,25.07218309859155,7.8658589789855275,1.813688732394366,578,23,104,11,16,198,99,142,0.16399999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.123,-0.7214,3,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,5,1,7,1,0,8,0,17,2,0,0,2,17,26,5,1,2,4,1,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,1,1,2,10,1,0,0,5,2,17,6,10,18,3,15,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,3,8,69,17,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406767524587225,0.20642589651924625,0.11552596159018592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502473128072638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046551818288906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152679484584762,0.0,0.16015015184887013,0.0,0.08589772321811147,0.12136412983803373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125083906910187,0.0,0.17751324464229418,0.0,0.09654816983928853,0.0,0.0,0.1872961144679665,0.0,0.1682104364094778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794902444892789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371644411743676,0.0,0.1879498747477914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399861424764237,0.08299603431758514,0.0,0.1500094067295911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505190304077165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26204779566785463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644883250081066,0.0,0.0,0.1782631620972391,0.0,0.0,0.12920333679020096,0.0,0.0,0.188634470909502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883111357070767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719302132761308,0.13537440000695522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317386901293266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367652190672054,0.0,0.1731248350233221,0.0,0.0,0.20642589651924625,0.10939879434138193
suicidewatch,birdofpassages,2019/04/01,"It's already been three months into this year... I'm tired.

I have to make a decision.

And I think I have...",-2.1723913043478262,-0.4947622608695621,0.5046739130434794,101.68570652173914,106.3913043478261,4.039130434782609,14.445652173913045,5.985473137389443,-0.7879478260869566,80,2,20,1,4,27,19,23,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233138244740787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165456910082859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785180693629736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038611801087313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450464025574077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053822851219183
suicidewatch,conspicuous_red,2019/04/01,"Everything I encounter today makes me want to kill myself. It’s as if everything is bad news, even if it’s not. I’m sick of everything. I just don’t fucking want to BE anymore. I don’t want to exist. But I won’t go as far as to ideation this time. I haven’t been in that place in a long time, and I don’t want to go back.",-0.4230694980694985,1.0263883918918921,2.2463706563706585,97.78608108108112,84.0,5.850193050193052,20.03088803088803,6.868970318607317,0.031596911196911215,247,7,65,3,7,86,45,74,0.12,0.764,0.116,-0.6483,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,0,12,17,7,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,11,14,0,11,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460662115278214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158641623315837,0.17226236947357731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626749974786256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5562612760149236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073263675094698,0.0,0.0,0.2345043640397873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22825427930148584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258012285066408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771523548750067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21555271325312686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406050250937205,0.0,0.1955601828803248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867539717909302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anahita___,2019/04/01,"I just need to get this out Okay, my first post on reddit and it's about suicide. I'm clinical depressed. I believe I have been depressed since elementary, but only diagnosed as of last year. My depression and feelings that come with it has been with me for so long, that ive just grown used to it. I rarely ever open up to people. So it was hard asking my mom, if we could up the doses on my pills becasue they haven't been work an at all. In to which, she replies that she thinks I should start seeing a therapist before we do that. Ive brought it up multiple times, but she still won't do anything, I use to cut in 8th grade, but I was found out, she had me go to a therapist for three sessions, she made an appointment for a 4th session, but she forgot she was taking me to a therapist. Also too, I'm writing this on mobile sorry. I don't know why I'm apologizing for writing on mobile. Ive just seen people sat sorry for that a lot. And I'm writing this just to get this stuff out. But also, too I need advice. I plan to commit suicide this summer. But I dont need advice for that. But instead, a friend and I had decided to become suicide partners. But he said that when ever I'm ready and tell him, he might say no in case hes in a good place in life. And he has taken that back saying he'll go when I'm ready cause he's ready. But I know hes just saying that for me. When we're talking or texting, he'll say stuff about what he wants to do in the furtrue. I believe that he doesn't truly want to die, and I dont know how to tell him i know, or say that I don't want to be suicide partners anymore becasue I now he still thinks of the furtrue. I need a sucide partner that is serious about this. So, how do I bring this up to him ir what should I do? Also, dont try talking me out, it wont change anything",1.7770398481973473,2.951690304347828,3.633891593102881,91.4743354508704,76.90281329923273,6.477386354261199,23.35459120534609,6.968188349444268,0.6102457057998514,1403,42,324,14,31,474,165,391,0.142,0.8009999999999999,0.057,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,0,6,44.0,2,0,1,3,28,8,1,0,13,1,36,5,0,6,4,69,78,31,5,11,17,1,2,0,4,7,5,6,0,3,30,17,0,1,9,0,0,6,10,5,0,2,16,10,48,3,49,53,2,44,0,3,2,0,44,21,0,5,16,220,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154635117163815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982262373736045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846822597484851,0.0,0.0,0.13022209659624284,0.0,0.0739688254747171,0.0,0.0,0.0608402928371931,0.0,0.0,0.08738454796602499,0.06732739138751184,0.17828785004259015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128056843152164,0.0837010783433531,0.06815699894931138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317285128505593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044441934960934,0.08030763803160898,0.08211662845060236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781928245634025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431416016791296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040006696450897834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730152962618703,0.0,0.08675370064081266,0.06112982138339203,0.0,0.0826764462241397,0.0,0.08993424223462361,0.0663641710006497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708781887909451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393455353456064,0.06449537057173617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055886538052337016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002089305635699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726709161311901,0.0,0.07486759094913384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393643338795606,0.0,0.09266727654398528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467322555349385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060176201204816225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970711171381924,0.0,0.08266613718432977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577745148332303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526358454988513,0.3146068057120786,0.0,0.0,0.06305036181865578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545092195769824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714224689797678,0.05600328906393205,0.0,0.1263746079841338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811525886268899,0.3461885452311168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059490247931805774,0.12719128301139304,0.13831304645405618,0.0,0.0,0.2756018460781872,0.0,0.10139696347785583,0.0,0.0,0.04613694653028935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371896105113345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667281402311482,0.0,0.0,0.1400054422876862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139571934736064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057602097991134235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095227432508997
suicidewatch,noclue777,2019/04/01,"I want to die because of boredom I don't know if anyone is like me or really understands. I don't have any problems.
I just don't care about anyone, life is incredibly boring. I have some friends, I've almost always been first in my class, i wouldn't say I'm ugly but that's all. Nothing really  excites me, no hobbies. I don't even really care about my own family, they love me but I can't say I love them, I wouldn't care much if they'd die tommorow. They've done nothing wrong, I just dont care about them or anyone else.
I might be a bit crazy. ",0.5703954802259901,2.5172372542372905,2.8450000000000024,92.17959039548029,83.23728813559322,5.967231638418079,19.155367231638426,7.1686216300943375,0.2740485875706216,428,11,97,6,12,146,68,118,0.257,0.563,0.18,-0.8743,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,4,1,6,12,0,0,1,0,17,3,0,0,1,18,27,6,2,6,8,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,2,2,21,9,6,20,5,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,7,2,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134670409637937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119048763517195,0.0,0.0,0.09145652268222568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821116284830805,0.13779895587091776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198270007611176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682617772517273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5484783417724067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791548385521083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762802391814433,0.1576190565634902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234755396256986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882812446826747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267834155502268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114395512770047,0.0,0.0,0.10390517572981796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391114492690966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949929253161024,0.06570409447901822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427615296999102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426706256282176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886423102186584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580899263803217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286869527500994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846957003793125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139006769104768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000685949987887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793245683520852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704162969885895,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sunbeamlight,2019/04/01,I need to someone to talk to me right now Help please,1.0549999999999995,2.313067833333335,1.8733333333333315,103.005,79.0,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.7852666666666668,42,1,11,0,1,13,10,12,0.0,0.643,0.35700000000000004,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233397081381604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35769034216126816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295256815843596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119633415879226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087323603413915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38773143747415056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eatingscatman,2019/04/01,"Humanity is doomed... I'm in a bit of a weird predicament. I'm not depressed in any way because I believe in destiny beyond the grave but I don't think there is hope for the future of humanity. I think we're doomed to fall into a great tyranny and mass extinction event i.e. New World Order. I really think humanity is circling the drain and the elites want to depopulate the earth in the name of protecting the climate. I'm at the point where I don't care if I die soon. I believe only God can repair the mess we've made. 

​

But on the same token I don't want to commit suicide, I want death to be taken out of my own control. For example I'd rather be murdered than to willingly do it myself. I will never harm another person to justify it either. I'm honestly not afraid of what comes next because it's got to be greater than the hell we live in.",4.0742992424242415,4.8660793465909125,5.6175,80.91083333333336,70.875,8.593939393939394,29.43939393939393,8.841846274778883,2.2672098484848484,679,26,137,12,12,231,106,176,0.204,0.634,0.163,-0.9257,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,0,2,5,14,2,1,14,0,13,0,0,2,2,26,29,5,5,6,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,3,0,13,4,26,21,5,24,3,4,0,0,6,14,1,2,6,86,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786675295187448,0.2003698091504682,0.11213668084319868,0.1729105263041405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104127302196914,0.0,0.0,0.3715684361707348,0.0,0.0,0.18002652788584875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681250799750023,0.0,0.0,0.14204551520272585,0.0,0.0,0.1849477656059372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202689497795035,0.0,0.17113867944290526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188444858912748,0.18180125334745348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378148512768415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456084566132947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560310121087586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127179941304926,0.15926006450872335,0.175371497786389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254127915672756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398306913094874,0.0,0.0,0.1558824466740706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563824512087072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803722692558964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169810321589033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29178434331784514,0.13088880787059426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003698091504682,0.0
suicidewatch,boingo_,2019/04/01,"withdrew from university 1 qtr away from graduating. letting go of all my dreams. giving myself until the end of my rabbit's life to do whatever i want and then die. this turned out to be a really long post so bare with me. 

​

tldr: i feel like no one will ever love me and being a scientist will not make me happy so i got a pet rabbit and left college/career behind. plan to die when bunny dies. 

​

a little back story...

​

i grew up in a very small town (500ish people but most lived in the woods so never saw them), secluded area. all white christian community. my (white) dad is from there and mom is a filipino immigrant. divorce when i was in 1st grade, and stayed there with mom. mom is janitor at my school. all throughout my childhood, i felt like everyone was better than me and i wanted to be full white like everyone else. its not just the race but the social class, wealth, and mannerism differences.  i believe this is why i simply cannot unlearn feeling like everyone despises me.

​

i guess i thought that if i became an accomplished researcher that people would someday respect me. and that if i fell in love/ was loved by a good man and he married me that i would love myself too.  

​

i got into a very good university and did fine academically and did research in nano engineering and sciences department and the genome science department while i was there. but i have a lot of social anxiety especially in the workplace/lab. every day coming in and working with the other researchers made me want to die instead of getting up in the morning to come to the lab. i did not mind the lab work itself, i just could not face my fears of feeling like everyone despises me and to socialize normally (though i did my best to always act like nothing was wrong). 

​

so last quarter, in late January, i just stopped... stopped going to university, stopped going to lab, stopped talking to anyone, stopped thinking... i was 12 credits away from graduating. i really don't care though. it doesnt matter to me anymore. 

​

as for my dream of finding love, i had a couple relationships since i started college. two main ones. the first guy i now consider a narcissist but at the time i thought he was a great guy and hoped he would marry me someday... he was from a rich family and had a degree in engineering. its a long story but he killed my cat... thats not really relavent to my overall point, but was really sad and showed that he had anger problems. he also told me that i was not human and act like im raised by stray cats... called me a whore and a bitch sometimes and that he would never marry me. 

​

anyways, we broke up, i started seeing my physics professor (he was only 30 and i was 22. im 24 now by the way).  it was really amazing for a while. he would always say how its his dream to get married and have kids and that he loved me and that it was better than a dream come true that i was in his life now. but he has severe depression and takes a lot of medication for that. i think he changed a lot because he was switching medication or something... because one day he just said he doesnt feel like he can love anymore. we are still together but he doesnt love me. i cry every night about it. because i love him more than i could ever love anyone and i know he doesnt love me anymore and i don't blame him because im just not lovable. 

​

so... a week before i withdrew from college, i got a pet rabbit. i had one in high school and really missed it. 

​

all i care about anymore is the rabbit. the rabbit loves me. im his favorite person. thats what i always wanted to be to someone but never was. and i love him more than ive ever loved an animal. he lives in my room with me and sleeps next to me and we are together almost 24/7. 

​

i have tried to kill myself many time before but insticts always kick in last second and stop me. bunny can live up to 12 years, im sure i will figure out a good way by then. 

​

​

​

​

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suicidewatch,cxnday,2019/04/01,Anyone want to talk/be friends I just really need someone to talk to to keep my mind off things,6.468,5.063265800000004,6.370000000000001,85.01500000000003,66.0,10.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,1.9539999999999995,76,2,17,1,1,24,16,20,0.0,0.784,0.21600000000000005,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480372179729663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740654562124359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153025526410473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35817871084122416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26302966034690445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22725072847084785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005637034083336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5702411068099903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356685163611789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923042439001388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,This_guys_back,2019/04/01,"To my friend who reads my posting history on reddit Thank you dude for all the time I had with you and our other friends. Thank you for making it possible to meet M.K. Because she has the best that ever happened to me. I will probably get done with myself as soon as it ends with her,  probably some time after I will be left for Newcastle.
Thank you for everything. Keep your head up.
Sincerely,
M.P.",3.222967032967034,5.3648621025641035,4.0352014652014665,85.97884615384619,75.41025641025641,8.046886446886448,25.24542124542125,8.841846274778883,1.9544959706959704,316,11,62,7,7,101,57,78,0.0,0.763,0.237,0.9643,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,5,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,2,9,13,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,15,7,15,8,3,10,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,6,49,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138483631619163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959951647210444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112233719727628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541567111176986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689368937619906,0.0,0.0,0.16784961572982898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28858366874740016,0.0,0.0975754207619912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515299286212026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167166156452875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600261971002264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029174263495654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466506488993714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105460591404685,0.17886634103045732,0.0,0.4027219820393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681250996863896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158359878363914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21780481266269225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,conjurerscurse,2019/04/01,"I feel so alone. I have a girlfriend and a full time job, I make wonderful money but i lost all my friends due to drama with my ex lately, and I have no one. No one understands how I feel. No one takes the time. When I talk about my feelings I’m the asshole. I’m so tired of feeling like this and I keep getting overwhelmed and it turns to anger and I’m at the point I want everything to go away.

What can I do?",-1.6783809523809516,0.24154040000000165,0.6838095238095256,101.61,100.55555555555556,3.904761904761905,17.539682539682538,5.773587663045528,-0.5480317460317461,316,10,78,3,14,105,57,90,0.232,0.621,0.147,-0.8888,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,5,0,4,1,0,2,1,18,21,10,0,1,1,1,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,1,1,1,3,3,0,3,1,4,13,2,8,20,2,10,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023807616982032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835895321319453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561751206369014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39521077725738585,0.13959744882487854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096950239435067,0.0,0.10209110433931937,0.0,0.11105322648679343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390941905660725,0.1736850390915028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220425474059702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095465065903567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133077592504065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043442752033976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972346766952511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472098840081955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692032340898212,0.15705922470064593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278845807838365,0.22458942740034069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21254464646766105,0.0,0.2034236096713208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525499598692553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190850515226187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,motorrexit,2019/04/01,What happens when you call a suicide hotline Is it truly anonymous? Do they track you and try to find you? Do they just talk you down?,0.2616666666666667,2.6819824814814837,1.027685185185188,99.71708333333336,94.55555555555556,2.7,21.564814814814817,3.1291,-0.489362962962963,105,4,22,0,4,32,22,27,0.158,0.7509999999999999,0.091,-0.4836,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583320171243127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102461234090912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969217537373052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909754574832677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607733370999441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047436645831044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VoidedMyWarranty,2019/04/01,Still not dead Don't know why I'm not... I wish I was dead most days.,-4.466666666666665,-3.38253570588235,-1.5799999999999983,116.48333333333336,111.94117647058823,2.266666666666667,5.666666666666668,3.1291,-3.1975333333333333,51,0,17,0,3,17,13,17,0.0,0.511,0.489,0.8619,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451013320516527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29408216391701125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273391045644477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828530550926218,0.0,0.6153494684972439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZinloostNaam,2019/04/01,"I hate how hard it is to die and cover it up as an accident I’ve thought about a lot of possible suicide methods, but almost all of them will look like a suicide and I don’t want people blaming one another for my death. I just want to leave this world in peace with the result of everyone going about their daily lives",13.125,5.842040590909092,12.29818181818182,65.66727272727273,59.75757575757576,15.624242424242425,46.63636363636364,11.20814326018867,5.0076,253,9,52,4,2,84,54,66,0.328,0.5429999999999999,0.129,-0.9509,0,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,1,13,9,5,4,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,6,1,12,7,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310767066341595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419760641289786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23949648964103296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050479042899346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114843923892666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067191228845592,0.2278315706890614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443456446713217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273958255128222,0.0,0.2037687466939165,0.0,0.19378355206499132,0.0,0.0,0.1961872109665944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637158717568406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998262860927054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601516182129171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048364923230129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832007557096882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222104780488465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilnattycat,2019/04/01,How can I escape without killing my self I want to leave everything but I don’t think I want to fully die but at the same time I do? I really want to kill the part of me I hate. I want to talk to someone but I don’t want my friends or family to know this is going on in my head. I want to get away but I don’t know how I just want the pain in my chest and the chaos in my mind to end .,0.09055900621117983,0.6101256956521759,2.7465838509316782,98.77978260869568,80.08695652173913,6.561490683229812,18.577639751552795,6.868970318607317,-0.3272968944099381,292,5,84,3,7,103,49,92,0.265,0.57,0.165,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,4,0,6,3,2,2,0,22,19,8,3,7,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,18,1,16,19,2,9,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489246277467098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450754249863944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403921187719588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245786405235636,0.0,0.14942838340133852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246382832451558,0.0,0.08281452397327675,0.0,0.0900844412127514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649503612282212,0.16267618717578292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507339283767862,0.0,0.17422504124594704,0.0,0.0,0.1678383745222043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600491238850467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866498326527982,0.0,0.0,0.17165003605853524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154506365991342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653596835405631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343043456970649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740370489053932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015663063212625,0.0,0.0,0.09242799948435236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6544499036402485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527972293591038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpmyfriend128,2019/04/01,"How can I help my friend? (I'm sorry if this was written badly)

​

My friend is suicidal. She has her suicide date planned and everything. She has been my best friend for 5 years, and I really do not want to lose her. Every night I will stay up until around 3 just in case she needs to talk, but yesterday I couldn't stay awake and she hurt herself again. I am extremely worried. She is one of the most important people in my life. Is there anything I can try to help her get through this?",2.4003555555555565,4.35016268,3.2573333333333347,91.49922222222223,77.2,6.844444444444445,24.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.1157777777777778,388,13,83,6,9,123,71,100,0.142,0.687,0.171,0.2951,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,1,0,13,1,0,1,0,13,18,7,2,4,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,19,4,11,13,2,12,0,2,0,0,15,4,0,2,6,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818087613989248,0.20389259828861991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380832276986213,0.14937554753048773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010408873644228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609335666819825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137681762139914,0.0,0.15080577263934505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889203107256303,0.0,0.08766738401299921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494255171479552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963093159649468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852049323234698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772272963084646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244198845121648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746679492252996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370407888943382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632981255021857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749551725215148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783581168485386,0.0,0.3577000903526996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36708694582008417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486945266897732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392363852896288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897144377064976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040673152107186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389259828861991,0.10805623133542767
suicidewatch,Hia18,2019/04/01,"I just want to end it all. I don't know if this will get buried or if people will just chalk it up to me being a teen.

But anyways, I just feel like ending it all sometimes, it feels like a bout of just depression constantly hiding and then hitting me and it's slowly draining the life out of me. I have several friends, if not, acquaintances that I tend to joke around with, I make the occasional dark joke, they laugh, etc. etc. but I have nobody I feel close to, two of my friends I've known since I was really little but I know that the only reason they tolerate me is because of the tenure and the other's deal with my shit cause they probably think I have autism. I probably do. 

My family are all fine, they're not nasty, they don't hate me or dislike my and I want to think I'm close to them but I feel like I'm just draining the life out of them, I feel like I'm just a leech and I just constantly am burning through their energy. 

School's not a problem either, I have issues with some classmates, but they mostly leave me alone. I get good grades as well just naturally, I'm good at lots of things but great at nothing but being useless. I'm so confused about my future sometimes as well, if I have one. The subjects I chose to major in where honestly just random with some being based on mildly liking the subject. I have no clue what to do and I've planned on just ending it all maybe once I turn 16.

Most the time I just hope of getting ran over, or something else. I don't want my family to think it's their fault when it happens, I just want to leave. Sometimes I've honestly thought of taking whatever saving I have and hopping on the closest train and just disappearing from their lives. I have the money and I know where the train station is. I know the cost of the fares and how to get to the furthest point from home. I honestly just hate myself and often contemplate just throwing myself off a bridge. I always portray it as a joke whenever I tell somebody about it so they don't have to worry.

I'm sorry this is a mess, just please give me advice or something.",2.7721579831932743,4.396564084705886,3.861008403361343,89.0088235294118,75.21176470588236,6.833613445378152,23.907563025210084,7.554174236665415,0.9905092436974794,1636,50,344,21,35,530,189,425,0.071,0.7170000000000001,0.212,0.9959,0,1,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,11,1,29,31,3,1,22,0,26,3,1,4,4,92,64,34,0,10,35,0,5,5,2,2,2,0,1,0,17,20,0,0,15,3,2,3,8,9,2,2,3,5,58,22,46,55,13,31,0,2,0,0,16,19,1,17,14,240,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552587166647488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064680607842444,0.0,0.0,0.0728256440990269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791348757444254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335283977487225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990960904809453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916123267259075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023174638016912,0.075382910758361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731137305809517,0.0,0.2325565924350002,0.0,0.19522121234954493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650166498464296,0.0,0.22126976389421124,0.25010406654248485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523917088230267,0.0,0.18290735660296986,0.0839594566256502,0.0,0.14681926528346753,0.0,0.09649374971534028,0.0,0.0,0.07739576504917937,0.0,0.0,0.17282049093193072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779209854929812,0.0869294866945363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135064158140087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240007802630532,0.0,0.0,0.18534715861134327,0.0,0.0,0.12363931218247788,0.2137951068968004,0.08772043297238745,0.07728387846715057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440841058872827,0.0,0.0,0.058421878434364624,0.0,0.08792800981169521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839800987092041,0.0,0.0,0.09320849449127948,0.059307440100978964,0.06656472547780894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067700875083841,0.0,0.0,0.09607330747362372,0.08273695322460406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887278901937876,0.08374711207143054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056069087519323456,0.08998759912431599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857733656407209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887539434344957,0.08984048096652518,0.07239942976053111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347580316011368,0.2596856604543062,0.09797415588890933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580594891175194,0.0,0.07649843113124942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058145990370715724,0.16824245057978246,0.0,0.06948300546121178,0.0510350124914044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951992333149342,0.08549666263214323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649190532005354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738628864645765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888324078784413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lou4242,2019/04/01,"Sad of my life. Feeling alone. Break up and physical abuse in my past. I want to kill myself.

3 months ago my boyfriend left me. I met someone else 3 weeks ago and he left me too after one week because I was sad of something.
He was a friend of my loved ex boyfriend.

Feeling lonely and alone because of that. Bored about people who abandon me because I am not perfect. Because I have trauma. Because I have no friend.

I am loving in Switzerland, and I am alone. No friend's group. Soon 25 years old.

Want to end it.",0.061474358974358274,2.43353732692308,1.183230769230768,98.92843589743592,94.0,3.1579487179487185,21.356410256410253,4.604124745555138,-0.33161205128205085,398,15,85,1,15,124,63,104,0.302,0.544,0.154,-0.9584,0,5,1,0,1,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,13,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,1,11,14,4,1,2,1,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,2,16,6,11,11,0,17,0,4,0,2,11,5,0,0,11,48,19,0,0.0,0.1669758489338566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249847161162379,0.0,0.0,0.43787465690840577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42953998091044104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772670609681082,0.0,0.12481979053240425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251419127488027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266403313726926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591521751911125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062359265249221,0.0,0.09954114536121478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543848464036449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248685532758387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787953294106804,0.0,0.09549601032040894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345310887805296,0.09770127059970617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940727473975248,0.10849274858794432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624518852904635,0.0,0.22608681718440876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075258410761733
suicidewatch,GallopingGales,2019/04/01,"I’ve ran out of reasons My cat died last october (he was one of the major reasons for me choosing to live). I’m physically sick with little hope that a diagnosis will come soon and nobody cares (at least not enough) about my fatigue and pain. I have no talents or skills significant enough for me to build my life off of and my health destroyed all chances of my future. I live with my extremely controlling, mentally ill mom that blackmails me into taking care of her and bending to her every whim, I can’t go out alone or make my own choices (despite being an adult). My friend, who was one of the last reasons, is probably no longer my friend because I fucked up our relationship like I do every other one by hurting her when I didn’t mean to. I will probably lose my boyfriend soon too, and he is my final and last reason.

I’ve been exhausted and paranoid and losing touch with reality.

I fuck up everything I’ve ever touched, I’m a worthless human. I don’t see any hope for the future and I haven’t for months. I keep thinking everyday how this world in general will be a better place without me, how the food and water and space is better off spent on someone else. I’m afraid to die but I feel like everyone is better off if I do, and its the only way the pain is going to stop.

Even on the worst days I could find even the smallest reason to decide to live another day, but today I have none, none.

I need another reason, even if it is a stranger telling me to.",5.63851748807631,5.423399695945951,6.428966613672498,79.98232909379972,67.24324324324324,9.397138314785373,31.60095389507154,9.007467420416297,2.479253815580286,1154,42,233,18,17,382,164,296,0.155,0.7490000000000001,0.096,-0.9475,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,7,11,25,3,1,13,0,23,12,0,10,2,52,45,21,2,6,8,1,3,2,2,3,8,0,0,2,7,19,2,3,12,0,1,4,10,13,0,3,6,4,36,12,37,33,9,38,0,5,1,2,14,17,2,6,18,158,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604936498038379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649957367278325,0.17424041707425025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064688080191117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044159604241345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941816488349098,0.0,0.0,0.07156900838100405,0.0,0.0,0.09318511864178368,0.06633534916105295,0.0,0.0,0.10716386330325664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172454942570805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940553517566488,0.0,0.0,0.1716947619408949,0.0,0.16462744314196692,0.07515370870321655,0.14000272699092228,0.07938976689599103,0.07467001935218823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200947280146525,0.05935481082028692,0.0,0.09101382394732653,0.0759367393810217,0.0,0.10046479951343844,0.0,0.12838008616462027,0.15361856334114127,0.0,0.0,0.09443644285183213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883137887737287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504116254606788,0.0,0.0,0.08894251794087098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384835986883055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317222536825846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868427559769225,0.08118072320591886,0.08327141219457579,0.2200925422424454,0.0,0.0,0.18589818690698875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545882704227798,0.0,0.0,0.09050219955086716,0.0,0.0,0.08372854448012494,0.0,0.0,0.09730629566823537,0.06631639203273387,0.0,0.0,0.061605302116243425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688984238965728,0.06318868369728874,0.17681323032930352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680448899122639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915595494024156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5125415508224814,0.0,0.08920049843229277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620672774604762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039631093020683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946145814557646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246839089828255,0.0,0.07261856987155801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053236499851996084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875336610596398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594775043830756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008945065336534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Infinitybird_17,2019/04/01,"I want courage to kill myself I'm a 17 year old female and my life can't get any more miserable. My mom is a narcissist and has abused me verbally and emotionally since childhood. My self esteem, self confidence, hope and the will to survive has been completely crushed. I can't get any professional help because my parents won't even talk about it. I don't expect them to do anything for me anymore. They have already done a huge favour on me by making all these years a living nightmare for me. I have been in and out of depression many times since I was 12 years old. I have had a lot of suicidal tendencies. I just need some courage to end this burdensome life. I can't deal with all this anymore. I am hopeless, pathetic and broken from the inside out. I've always tried my best to remain optimistic in life but there's enough a person can take before everything gets over. ",3.471937984496126,5.54853611627907,4.249441860465115,85.01958914728685,74.46511627906978,7.8424806201550386,27.16434108527132,8.648137234880735,2.0676336434108533,700,27,136,14,15,224,113,172,0.134,0.754,0.112,-0.6973,1,0,0,0,1,2,15.0,0,0,2,2,4,9,1,1,8,0,20,3,0,1,2,20,29,7,2,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,21,5,19,22,7,15,0,3,0,0,10,7,0,3,8,89,25,1,0.0,0.1589450850708018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803718229091786,0.0,0.11162303488433452,0.0,0.0,0.1824523640895144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660802860033545,0.0,0.0,0.11039351366689172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177622002588579,0.0,0.11415124614892586,0.0,0.14078150330051767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065307797591467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383021255558332,0.11554266881349337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728139662647504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090000222113278,0.11881653754940084,0.13861217519678806,0.0,0.08860440366394341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056481732338538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026255070534475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991750508320685,0.0,0.0,0.13324060838496826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484164187254677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842610338891104,0.0,0.0,0.11845636477179727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404900998252185,0.0,0.0,0.08954575623965635,0.13600642091033796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711413849141212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947006924914094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815344266087165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895701664143138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713406868417632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798941311010207,0.0,0.0,0.22193951522836375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673765397045258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086364249638503,0.10782419425301146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822358525115468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107862668432301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912478302124973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591634172273796
suicidewatch,ansel528,2019/04/01,"I've got nothing left I have attempted suicide so many times. I've had more days of contemplating suicide than days i have not. I've been hospitalized, on several medications. I feel absolutely hopeless.

I suffer childhood emotional neglect. The neglect in my life is not any better. I feel like I'm in constant emotional pain. My best friend, and pillar of support, the only person I'm close to, has turned cold and mean on me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to live anymore. There's no light at the end of this tunnel. I am just constantly suffering. So much is wrong with my life I can't even begin to say it all here. The basic gist is, I have c-ptsd, bpd, depression/anxiety and fibromyalgia. I'm 17 years old. Transgender FTM. 

So much of my life is just. Suffering. And I can't take it anymore. I've missed so much school this month. The end of the marking period is coming up and I have too many assignments to make up. I can't do this anymore. I can't go on. I'm so fucking tired.",0.3571902937420184,2.7695785960591195,2.688035030103997,89.18202882685644,90.62561576354679,6.357161101988689,22.296843641671227,7.662118739084242,1.2936233898923557,777,30,163,17,27,264,111,203,0.218,0.708,0.07400000000000001,-0.9844,0,0,0,0,0,5,33.0,0,0,0,3,11,15,1,0,6,0,21,7,0,1,1,21,40,10,2,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,6,1,0,1,6,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,9,10,0,0,3,5,19,5,20,37,6,25,0,7,0,1,3,10,1,0,14,97,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798581165418844,0.0,0.08983552938484983,0.0,0.34938440938033843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323814770630903,0.10385948968622756,0.0,0.0,0.14790210358730185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115768740447163,0.0,0.253805594658172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146847539616956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641914786619833,0.20802065130968705,0.0,0.0,0.07756304862619218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187547854527828,0.08389379054892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907280463917027,0.10856443984287313,0.0,0.0,0.06673958729971342,0.0,0.09392148569315796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453782247796283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759073825236442,0.0,0.2488381105491824,0.057371580290840885,0.0,0.10369503547164843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838709542956937,0.2381162154999241,0.0,0.12791840237392005,0.0,0.11830087383259352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373348893318248,0.0,0.2589791646747905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267963626159005,0.0,0.12322563844467925,0.0,0.0,0.089312696340878,0.12495644334911493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253751607643463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727229040842656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338702524508184,0.0,0.11884794395896793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326652819070825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690415644285003,0.13326099202367955,0.0,0.0,0.08829461385727466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847582620794054,0.13497136617061906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773282178975776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926472205931168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283939871823074,0.0,0.07562266998518444
suicidewatch,shinitaiii,2019/04/01,"Why do I want to die? My life is pretty good. I have a loving family and we are financially stable. I go to a moderately good university. I am majoring in Computer Science and work part time as a math tutor. I am not pretty but I am not ugly either. I am average looking and I don't hate how I look. 
But I still want to die. I have no motivation and no will to live. Can't remember the last time I had. I had eating disorder in the past and self harmed for years. I am on depression medication but I don't think it's doing anything. I am just so tired. Everyday I wish I won't have a tomorrow. So many people who deserve to live are dying. I wish I could give my lifespan to them. I wish I could take someone's cancer away and have them live. Why is god so unfair?
But I can't die. No matter how much I want to walk in the ocean, jump of a bridge, or slit my throat I can't. It will destroy my family. For my own happiness I can't leave them like this. I can't do it. I am living for them. Not for myself.  I know I won't live long. Eventually I will end up doing it. Maybe years later. How can I live a life when I don't want it?",-1.2823839198435962,0.7231120201612917,2.2336510263929625,92.43373411534704,94.12096774193549,5.747996089931575,16.386119257087,7.229369725052465,0.1422994623655911,863,22,206,17,33,313,118,248,0.193,0.605,0.202,-0.8624,0,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,1,0,4,2,9,9,2,0,9,0,37,8,1,4,0,34,53,19,4,9,10,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,4,0,0,3,16,4,0,0,2,2,44,5,19,44,5,22,0,1,2,1,9,6,0,1,14,146,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763497877211498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863690218365444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064794982361832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125615665858926,0.0,0.3916461413682447,0.0,0.10812348040044446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653486048694056,0.0,0.0,0.08355852680129351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787345455760153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050091979616462,0.05361642278283435,0.1582582723372647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004282327575674,0.0,0.0931426549048568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051847596238834136,0.07690087713394858,0.0,0.09989397865402322,0.0,0.0,0.13327231886897334,0.04609046937583115,0.0,0.4998313972810061,0.08348921862146781,0.1584461228234286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514684616676894,0.0,0.0,0.09564742754820152,0.09477867155911908,0.0,0.0,0.09503909034532364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693518242418443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216260188890942,0.09005959343087318,0.06540448596415963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195835150836274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687047736206623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984187123169006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993520838364797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534120755713318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093303296526482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045019480501417,0.0,0.0,0.11002252177200963,0.1084316239428069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258013704460014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025697791175454,0.0,0.3254640508979957,0.0,0.0,0.06868170259362907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150560738962846
suicidewatch,mylilbroisapos,2019/04/01,"I am a shitty person who can't improve. If I can't improve then I am going to kill myself. Soon. This is not an April Fool's joke.

I am a shitty person who can't improve and must always dig a deeper hole for himself. I can't improve. And if I can't, what's the point of living anymore if I'm gonna forever be this way.

I never listen to advice. It feels like my brain is programmed to be this way, and it feels like I can't control this. I've had therapists before, and none of them have helped me to be a better person. My brain just shuts down whenever I enter their office, and forgets everything once I leave. And when I get into quarrels with my parents, they always get on me for not using the tools that my therapists have given me. I fail to see how the tools they give me would help my predicament, and how they would apply in every single situation. But then they get on me for being single-minded and not seeing the bigger picture, seeing things only from my point of view. I don't fucking know. It just feels like my brain is programmed to make me mentally stuck like this. I don't think I can control it. And if I can't control it and be a better person, what's the point of living if this is just gonna serve to be against me.

I have anger issues. I get easily mad at stuff and then that's when I'm really closed off to advice. I just dig myself in a deeper hole every time. I get very belligerent and swear a lot. I get upset and hurt everyone. And I can't calm down because I find breathing cringy and childish (again, my stupid brain). This is where I end to up getting the most in trouble.

I feel like I have to argue with everything. Like every time someone brings up something I feel like I have to argue against it and refute it (again, my brain being single-minded). I don't know why I'm like this.

I feel like I have to explain myself and my predicament in full before anyone can answer. Again, my brain being stupid. I can't have a proper conversation with anyone if I must be this way.

I'm self-centered. I only care about how things pertain to and affect me, not anyone else. Again, my stupid brain.

My parent always try to strike fear in me, about how if I continue to act the way I do, I'm gonna end up in prison. I don't want to fucking go to prison. 

I have a terrible relationship with my little brother. I mean it when I say that I don't care if he dies. He is a narcissistic cunt, believe me when I say this. He always tries to tell me what to do, tries to rat me out to my parents, and tries to evoke a negative reaction out of me. Idk how I always let him get to me but he does and I end up giving him what he wants, and I'm mad at myself for it. Sometimes it even gets me in trouble, because it combines with my other issues. Now I have my phone taken for a month for getting angry and for saying that I wish my little brother were adopted by someone else (I tried to say it under my breath but he heard, the punishment is way too harsh for expressing discontent? smh). 

The only time my parents get me in check is when they take my phone. And if my behavior is gonna be contingent on whether I have my phone or not (that's stupid), I don't want to fucking live.

My parents always tell me to use the tools that I have been given to help me with my little ""brother"" (I don't want to even call him that), but again, my brain is stupid and doesn't listen. And if I'm gonna continually get in trouble for this, I don't wanna live.

I always feel like I have to be in the right, again, my stupid fucking brain. I don't want to hear what others have to say because the truth hurts and I don't like being proven wrong. Why must I be like this.

I'm immature.

And I'm autistic.

Every time I get in trouble or into one of these situations, I feel bad for myself and I bang my head against a hard surface. It allows me to get my feelings out and to feel better.

I swear to fucking God Almighty (if that motherfucker even exists) I am going to yeet myself off a tall tower if I must always be like this and can't improve. I don't want to always have to live this way. It's ruining my quality of life and I wish to be free of it. If I can't get any better and if I can't take advice and if I must always be stuck like this and unable to improve, what's the point of me living. I don't HAVE to live like this you know. I don't HAVE to live with s stupid fucking brain.

I'd rather be dead than live like this.",2.5458424908424924,3.5710533034188074,4.1857545787545805,88.86876923076923,74.72649572649573,6.6306227106227125,22.77313797313797,6.868970318607317,0.5626366178266173,3436,88,755,30,70,1155,278,936,0.157,0.754,0.08900000000000001,-0.9952,7,0,1,0,0,3,108.0,0,1,7,8,30,61,21,2,28,0,88,20,13,13,7,131,172,69,3,32,32,8,11,16,0,12,1,9,0,4,54,47,0,3,18,1,2,6,34,35,0,1,9,24,138,27,106,133,5,85,0,4,4,6,58,45,7,19,44,514,192,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536109342220984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29905139976717704,0.0,0.0,0.024440580265685543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03564303822334133,0.07539070694587,0.03682499993131015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030008580294209,0.06572646880211798,0.0,0.061164955748385125,0.040492317590194234,0.0,0.12714480651183596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012116874734796,0.03669898030926224,0.0,0.0732868938318156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093002957449135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037300271419095116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031451526432159316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004687975763751,0.0,0.09549709494941627,0.0,0.0,0.0712145238714262,0.0,0.12112473294943843,0.03434241789739774,0.06460149989756721,0.0,0.0,0.04044273653551048,0.1817245379353969,0.17972988937695802,0.0,0.0,0.032848707579723566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935691104765332,0.2816592031035837,0.0689542628512853,0.061276961350892514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03219537540056813,0.0,0.03688503179196423,0.0,0.04050723705051487,0.0,0.07226991038158669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694949209194445,0.0,0.0,0.07502449878067785,0.0,0.0,0.03976252555243109,0.0,0.0592554106739265,0.0,0.0,0.03805550085504277,0.0,0.036751307302370084,0.02538563841889525,0.2809371968760799,0.10806461896679258,0.2856228336717441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030555087588037357,0.0,0.0,0.023990374186141996,0.0,0.0,0.039149432970139016,0.0,0.0,0.036219285896687874,0.0,0.0725787483130142,0.0,0.028687138628578225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027719311292926933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827515855528257,0.02435402144152509,0.08200246455296076,0.0,0.0,0.1995367908511078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255264461738575,0.0,0.0,0.13590048934215965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02302422355993427,0.0,0.0,0.03858634322268885,0.0,0.030692749274432437,0.0,0.14290551700395554,0.0,0.0,0.08591910018527169,0.0,0.037493485004735816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079662035799139,0.0,0.0,0.060904059123075525,0.027668535224618717,0.035545793984659416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041142950286368635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404514131947022,0.0,0.06282666825077572,0.0,0.0,0.08345872495649323,0.04775416689090068,0.023029040099175876,0.0,0.0,0.08382811912757956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200524213950345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062081616779241934,0.0,0.029654443308280338,0.12719082836243364,0.17116603009398834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648609120969958,0.0,0.08265895258232715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510617985129344,0.039294985722769175,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,balamb-resident,2019/04/01,"I ruin everything I lost a friend group I was apart of. It was a specific group of people that I’ll probably never get the chance to be friends with again. I hate myself. I hope I starve and die because I ruin anything good that ever happens. I’ll never be happy again, I don’t remember my actual personality, and anyone I talk to too long about being depressed eventually asks me to stop because I bum them out. Why am I here consuming resources when I bring no net positive to society? I hope I die in a car crash.",3.5024038461538467,4.933822124999999,5.705000000000003,77.31500000000003,72.94230769230771,9.046153846153846,28.384615384615394,9.516144504307137,2.7020615384615385,407,16,78,10,8,143,71,104,0.321,0.528,0.151,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,7,11,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,3,11,15,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,0,18,6,10,9,0,13,0,4,0,0,8,3,0,2,8,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.17371468841601634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447059867611115,0.0,0.14648926070243246,0.0,0.16641781759073887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702974417099646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332205282592495,0.0,0.3694980961764714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610226524823341,0.0,0.0,0.15998631051566406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27506429631799395,0.0,0.09300427347925272,0.0,0.0,0.1493085828153602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741601721126167,0.1894977985824092,0.0,0.1757506586937469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35361349719789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753561224486945,0.0,0.0,0.19432185894114964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745886922639432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341157229701848,0.15543379818844444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192776757302288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165365492839216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882656396985827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307984207858618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062874762246712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProgressRoute,2019/04/01,"I'm close to doing it. I just wonder what's the most shocking and gruesome way so I will not die in vain but rather show some cruel reality to the world.

If I do it in a public place it has to be very quick somehow like cutting my own head off or shooting myself ",2.717105263157894,3.372883473684212,4.45872807017544,88.47651315789473,73.91228070175438,6.401754385964912,24.77631578947368,5.985473137389443,0.5733894736842098,206,6,46,1,4,70,48,57,0.146,0.732,0.122,-0.3464,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,12,7,5,1,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,5,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425561939885765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42082443598790337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003272595951026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4284097187963408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33833004266139943,0.0,0.3254746102287658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446762773403285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_notreallyzelda,2019/04/01,"Fuck fuck fuck I’m not doing well Mostly sober, good meds, healthy relationship and amazing friends for a year. 

Losing my shit now - fighting with my partner, blowing off work, getting drunk on $20 mimosas and detoxing from a particular, popular stimulant/antidepressant. 

I really reallllly want to be dead. I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to not feel this way anymore and sleep doesn’t seem to be an option. 

The concierge at my fancy hotel keeps scowling at me because I smell and look a wreck. Joke’s on that bitch - I have one more pay cycle of being able to rent the penthouse on a whim if I wanted. Which I don’t. Because that’s tacky. 

My partner and siblings know this account. Over/under on if they _over_react and swat me. I just need a hug and some fucking sleep, I haven’t slept properly in over a week. I’m angry but I’m not gonna jump. ",2.243764705882352,4.552347847058826,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.35294117647058,5.882352941176473,25.882352941176467,7.048011613610866,1.2092352941176476,674,27,133,8,17,221,112,170,0.177,0.725,0.098,-0.8998,1,0,0,0,3,2,24.0,0,0,1,2,4,16,8,0,9,0,9,11,4,0,0,28,29,10,2,7,8,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,5,8,1,1,3,3,3,1,7,9,1,1,1,3,17,7,18,24,3,14,0,1,1,5,6,9,6,6,3,79,22,2,0.15516741139278153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388437737441393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891772275463935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845730545924291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198819571326568,0.5737990859930808,0.08106856815399995,0.0,0.0,0.13014706280829524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791992475780002,0.1716697507414809,0.0,0.08527595132309286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030154565876667,0.1735926430618326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235601406845275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505466942861685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514545372391908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940421702686306,0.0,0.0,0.16659173005320396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125858365158014,0.0,0.0,0.15927711797907254,0.0,0.0,0.31055894288315383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660870379538635,0.12316466871509392,0.12446593786531712,0.0,0.13951413769907706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296372352889535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992272557353356
suicidewatch,BeduinoZero,2019/04/01,"Someone that has suicidal thoughts is automatically considered crazy and Psycho? Just for asking...
",9.657142857142855,14.411569,9.054285714285717,42.61571428571432,73.28571428571428,11.371428571428574,42.714285714285715,10.125756701596842,7.205400000000001,82,5,8,3,2,26,14,14,0.365,0.635,0.0,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056188337280032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4582578152732443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5915987152911489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293720179359492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManInPeas,2019/04/01,"It doesn't get better Everyone says it gets better. That life is peaks and valleys. When do the peaks come? When does it start getting better? I've believed them at first but for the past few years I don't really know if I do anymore. It's like my valleys are the Mariana Trench and my peaks are ocean level. Just keep getting kicked while I'm down. I've been depressed for years but don't know how to talk about it. I know I should, but I can't bring myself to put this on the ones I love. I feel like I'm just a burden on everyone I know. I've had many plans to kill myself but I don't want anyone I care about to find me. Maybe if I just drive far away one day, so far no one would be able to find me, I wouldn't feel so bad about ending it. I don't want to confuse my dog either. He's been one of the things that's stopped me. No one really knows but I would bring him everywhere with me so I wouldn't drive into a pole and kill myself because I don't want to die. He's so old now, maybe he'll die soon enough and I finally won't be holding on so tight. Maybe it will get better one of these days, but I'm not so sure.",0.6802981818181806,2.1044356480000026,2.3882181818181856,98.18010909090911,80.52,5.665454545454546,17.763636363636362,6.351523495107088,-0.4807200000000002,872,16,220,7,22,287,118,250,0.208,0.706,0.086,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,1,6,17,15,2,1,7,0,24,2,0,1,1,44,50,22,4,10,13,0,3,2,0,8,1,1,0,0,12,7,0,4,9,0,0,6,13,6,0,7,3,4,29,9,22,37,3,32,0,1,0,1,8,10,0,3,18,134,41,0,0.09804671053136647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723599091007726,0.06855653970310074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211811204456548,0.0,0.08186490787985612,0.05976836470325547,0.0,0.0,0.11046506755279033,0.0,0.3468573911343029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996515585744284,0.0,0.0,0.08445855947371163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264640341814923,0.0,0.08444748811141363,0.0,0.20351401190459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580133711112148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868402837253019,0.10130846151669423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737566722438614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915072563737112,0.0700445895942673,0.0,0.10740537890176304,0.179225834319483,0.08339848189079503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561267976194825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714842129450477,0.2169483167484849,0.0,0.26941953982520145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925329123401558,0.09580134046996043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849098425371456,0.0,0.0,0.0994039754390751,0.2955032973070687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028835294707021,0.0,0.3986339311492002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093596679418734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856402476718483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562246679180436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797067952134794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693979663577508,0.0,0.0,0.08197144024530073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240786434065572,0.0,0.0,0.07880623198172636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513787781818668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173491470522226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929914012785974,0.0,0.0,0.12627773398904793
suicidewatch,throwaway2345674,2019/04/01,"I’m finally ready to die For weeks I’ve been feeling like stuff shouldn’t have happened, nothing feels real because I should have died years ago. Life is meaningless and the world would be better off without me and no one would care anyway. I don’t feel anything but sadness and numbness anymore so what’s the point.",3.4971038251366124,6.061458737704921,3.2700819672131125,89.72566939890713,76.37704918032787,5.3781420765027335,28.19945355191257,6.42735559955562,1.2786371584699454,257,11,47,2,6,77,51,61,0.199,0.647,0.154,-0.7146,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,13,16,5,2,4,2,0,3,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,3,3,3,4,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338778976391248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051706587319484,0.0,0.0,0.1702456823012057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261129201515381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829696976371705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109292730557019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42942025368222336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31381620378995656,0.14779604190957465,0.0,0.22662835164613354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294445017172908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612638025130556,0.10107175310118832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850818677172288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018812287044372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19556969825081846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235476211245956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23682959234665185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594769980700338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19942619042488552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939250793181869,0.0,0.0,0.1332247741973987
suicidewatch,urkiddingme321,2019/04/01,"The look of death on my family members faces. When i get suicidal,  the look of death on my family members faces brands my heart.  God pls help us all.",1.7819999999999998,3.975891866666668,3.256666666666668,89.525,80.33333333333334,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.3040000000000005,116,3,25,3,3,38,20,30,0.297,0.556,0.147,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,3,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.564756083653276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649639367087995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549543161720234,0.2007742019613081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030734463350051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32764627250644657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603076819990468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsbeenalongdaywoyou,2019/04/01,"Probably my last few days, need some reassurance Hey,

so I'm very committed to try suicide for the 2nd time now (where 1st time i pussied out very quickly and learnt that i can't do it spontaneously) and just as the title hints, I need some reassurance...

I ordered 5 kg of dried ice and am planning on making it melt in my room, which should fill my room with poisonous  Carbon dioxide. And my question is, will it be enough/lethal? I will have quite some time before anyone comes and I'm planning to go to sleep just as I get it to melt.

Thanks in advance for any answers or tips and sorry, english is not my first language, so mistakes may happen.",6.442466517857143,5.9627366171875025,6.383616071428572,81.86406250000002,65.640625,8.876785714285715,33.129464285714285,7.957251820313856,2.2321370535714284,509,19,103,5,7,161,87,128,0.097,0.841,0.062,-0.6893,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,5,7,5,1,0,2,0,11,2,1,1,1,25,21,11,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,11,3,14,16,4,20,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,6,8,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405699257465242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445364766596531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589503183587302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806240896851913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333108847377554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21358674382993634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582746713096142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799747206134344,0.0,0.11747808785540145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827930189097563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849628399662264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798056679988235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065457730433856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286840099758928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315625693471541,0.21986158786838625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685933846587196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23139498289976146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610724970081236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903108462136284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616028860548041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034255849739868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411148875014285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,makaykay167,2019/04/01,"Alcohol and Tylenol I just wanted to know the likelihood and about how long it would take to overdose on Tylenol and alcohol? 

I know that a Tylenol overdose takes a few days to actually take any affect and youre more likely to die from liver/kidney failure than an actual OD. Is it the same when alcohol is involved? ",5.807131147540983,6.742360491803278,6.4132377049180365,76.24477459016396,67.0327868852459,10.034426229508195,34.92213114754098,10.125756701596842,3.6636524590163937,254,12,46,6,4,83,43,61,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.8327,0,0,3,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,3,6,0,2,0,12,9,6,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,8,8,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.3966270200990739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6515414751514338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819664180220875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106015734588708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091038724915734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336891281435936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992830794715974,0.0,0.0,0.1798434001577638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583886893161954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986448464433533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436173368551194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Siobhan112,2019/04/01,"Suicide or disappearance? I have contemplated suicide for some time now. I have the poison set up. I have decided to do it by the end of this month.
The only other option for me is to disappear from this life. My marriage is in shambles, my family won't care if I die or disappear, I disappeared already from all social media but none of my friends checked on me. I don't think anyone would miss me. 
I have one month to contemplate and decide. ",2.9016379310344824,5.065515068965524,4.655847701149425,81.05204741379312,76.47126436781609,8.02816091954023,26.96695402298851,8.841846274778883,2.3290471264367825,349,14,66,8,8,118,59,87,0.215,0.762,0.023,-0.9197,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,10,2,0,0,1,12,13,5,3,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,13,2,13,11,3,13,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,5,5,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656313941167037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831124755744484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454216646217287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498207857880999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21319915729916808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269216085376547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597329555818076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002182279816885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842676335344172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311250674994768,0.18307212746530774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24537530848042735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5265991555687304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423836542316902,0.0,0.0,0.14036095311674826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709947158953457,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lawschool00013,2019/04/01,"Social Media, Bullying + Suicide Research I'm conducting research on the relationship between social media, bullying, and suicide. Attached is my survey. Thank you in advance!

​

[https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_2mlVajYwIcfmAip?fbclid=IwAR1gl81qovW5Zjxmap62BzFXum6x1V8qvTFPyBeaxJBjkvWim3uPN0jtweE](https://fsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2mlVajYwIcfmAip?fbclid=IwAR1gl81qovW5Zjxmap62BzFXum6x1V8qvTFPyBeaxJBjkvWim3uPN0jtweE)",46.11459770114943,59.38183637931034,22.508793103448273,-57.705316091954,12.793103448275858,8.829885057471264,49.66091954022989,8.344100000000001,7.843133333333336,401,13,11,5,6,89,24,29,0.416,0.524,0.06,-0.9513,0,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791109664213463,0.3130138488190185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27656745650387016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251842929461585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5635481558762219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371647228667968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130138488190185,0.0
suicidewatch,xTheSpiderMan,2019/04/01,"I was in a mental hospital for this very exact reason Back in december I was admitted for 5 days to a mental health facility for suicidal actions. I wrote a letter and had everything planned out. I left the letter at home and before I could go through with it, my wife found the letter and called for emergency help. 

They talked me into not doing it and took me to an emergency room and then teansfered me to a mental health facility. But now Ive decided not to take my medicine for 3 days and I feel very suicidal. But Im not asking for help, because deep down i honestly want to be done. Im tired of living and all that is coming from living is pain and suffering and anxiety. Anxiety has ruined my life from my dreams to my career goals to my relationshop goals and everything else in between. 

So im writing this so it cant be found. But I want to just let it out that i love my wife and my son. 

Thank you",3.854813895781639,4.76553296774194,5.533010752688174,80.87720843672456,71.47311827956989,9.378990901571546,27.748552522746078,9.661875296680813,2.4447192721257243,716,25,147,17,13,245,102,186,0.151,0.7390000000000001,0.11,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,3,5,6,0,0,7,0,14,6,0,1,2,36,28,17,2,3,7,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,8,16,0,0,6,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,8,1,23,3,28,16,1,20,0,2,0,1,17,11,0,0,5,103,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462094993436093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280802858211808,0.0,0.0,0.09278602775257548,0.0,0.07355792167585187,0.0,0.1026793415098624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321523284476313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394455550971714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634335502345273,0.0,0.0,0.15564139268859362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348497176080404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080239571494973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168967307789404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101322452729219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646118517817587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857824565554488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565282858355426,0.0,0.0,0.16176205733414614,0.0,0.1210395610823586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910255305211924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110583006677576,0.12339091845197933,0.0852311786959299,0.0,0.0,0.21310361371880052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890732783256543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648140390515246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839896102077902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406651260017665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639817994580849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072710761565736,0.09698814194535088,0.0,0.11109462369371344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868979237384285,0.0,0.0,0.1340662760613496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912701150388146,0.14234589444837373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,another-stranger-me,2019/04/01,"I just want to die Hey. So, title. I don't feel like suiciding, but I think this is the first time I trully feel like I'd be rather dead than existing. I feel awful and ridiculous, and totally alone. That's all.",0.4184090909090941,2.619180386363638,2.323818181818183,94.07572727272728,86.04545454545455,6.247272727272727,17.89090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.3449963636363633,163,4,37,3,5,54,35,44,0.439,0.539,0.022,-0.9708,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,12,8,4,3,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,5,2,2,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32015110181550194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208137555120752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4688952326543064,0.4416652717076399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26293403514578745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020370689136292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381228912048745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980691442441524,0.0,0.0,0.18024811007853012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823247113279496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DavidCreed_1,2019/04/01,"Ordered some rope from amazon. Ordered some rope yesterday from amazon. I live near the woods, so I will be hanging myself there within the next two weeks.

​

The thoughts of killing myself have become extremely vivid over the last 3 months, and I'am unable to seek help.

​

​

For those who actually care here is my story as to how I ended up like this:

​

I'am a kissless, hugless, handhold less virgin. At 27 Years old I can only look back over the last 15 years and realize how much of my life I've wasted alone.

I spent my teenage years playing WOW and wasting my time with video games. This has left me having no social skills. I have no friends and very rarely leave the house.

​

I feel so detached so depersonalized when I'm out in public, going to the shop is an ordeal for me, so how on earth could I ever get a girlfriend

​

I'm not looking for sympathy, but I'm screwed beyond repair. People my age have kids, careers they have memories to look back on.

​

I have none of those things, I have not developed into a normal functioning adult. I've missed out on so much. I'm a 27 year old man with the social age and skills of a 13 year old, I never grew up.

​

For any young guys reading this, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN not to end up like me. I don't think I will be alive for much longer due to how strong the suicidal thoughts I have are.",4.586605839416059,5.966671419708028,4.610664233576647,86.40760218978106,70.2043795620438,7.085839416058395,27.56861313868613,7.365786028017652,1.401479416058394,1115,38,217,11,20,345,156,274,0.1,0.804,0.097,-0.4255,0,1,0,0,0,2,60.0,0,1,1,3,16,10,2,0,15,0,21,3,0,4,2,29,37,17,2,2,4,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,5,5,2,3,8,3,0,1,3,5,26,7,36,29,7,48,0,1,4,2,14,17,1,2,28,140,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.05318420726874944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644563687883256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472406430626412,0.5297884097968528,0.037061916959756594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381438055193953,0.0,0.0,0.06019104622969738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055566454313008114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351387173895986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654177231578594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929843413169136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027556873287365474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042106619425798984,0.0,0.028474037530749095,0.0,0.030973646130673417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396363847710303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036530248574771135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288576426263859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029625336692328,0.0,0.0,0.08884966328816324,0.0,0.05770770567717452,0.05921448627533064,0.0,0.038495011690554574,0.05325196327348741,0.0,0.048124560911395664,0.0,0.1372989995711159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043501436467861615,0.0,0.1201914684583134,0.0,0.04203381434288075,0.0,0.057961443474109225,0.0,0.053398497820575916,0.0,0.0,0.17156596888762254,0.0,0.0,0.04144975963090087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377834868211509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451481918828177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111191743592128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059614231621073925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362074252851884,0.03492144468504585,0.0,0.0865339368299488,0.031779429500298245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053238649899156935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496826603263415,0.0,0.0,0.04371666931805875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297884097968528,0.1754812933633363
suicidewatch,ChantelleJade,2019/04/01,"Thankyou 8 months ago I posted here, I wasn't sad or scared, infact I didn't have any emotions left to give... 
I was done, I just needed to figure out how... 
Tonight I lay cuddled in bed with my two beautiful pets. 
I had forgotten all the things I had searched, various ways to get the job done. 
Seeing my enquires here all lined up in a neat little row of absolute desperation really helped put things in perspective tonight... 
8 months ago things were hard, really really hard. I didn't ever think they would get better, but I guess they did? 
I didn't notice it at first, a day here, a week there. Putting off what I thought was the inevitable because I figured I needed to tie up one more loose end. Heck even just knowing I had multiple things around my home to end it at any given time helped me push through one more day.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is thankyou. 
I didn't know this at the time, but seeing how many other people knew exactly how I was feeling, must have really helped. I felt alone and like I had fucked up my life, I still have bad days here and there, but suicide is not an option anymore.
Thank you, for letting me have a voice, for understanding when nobody else did, and for being kind when I couldn't show kindness to myself... I hope you all have a night like I'm having tonight, when you see an old email from an old thread of a post you'd long forgotten and remember how far you've come... I hope you all make yourself proud, 1 hour, 1 day, 1 more week, can turn into 8 months & a distant memory of pain once past. Thank you. ",3.015000000000004,4.520271035031847,3.7765528662420387,90.35730063694271,74.31847133757961,7.062216560509554,23.388025477707014,7.699297019823105,0.8973568407643313,1211,34,261,16,25,385,171,314,0.122,0.75,0.128,-0.0452,1,1,0,0,0,1,50.0,0,6,2,3,20,16,1,1,14,0,32,4,0,5,7,48,61,15,1,7,7,0,4,2,0,2,2,2,3,0,10,9,0,0,11,1,0,4,7,5,0,4,21,9,39,11,29,34,8,53,0,1,3,2,14,16,2,6,32,162,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544722297282673,0.0,0.0,0.090810716853084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500195449845028,0.0,0.11925170600128687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869556505818768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805437351027691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320968561015148,0.05344931427492492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754641522887486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552912165040324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618707876654534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945550699375462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324593742569598,0.0986289368749388,0.15531807301746345,0.0,0.0,0.057912246568468384,0.07931217346069618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433397434822278,0.0,0.08418718023763316,0.0,0.0,0.07458112148064076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105935390766733,0.09161904809115952,0.08411127509748473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318025629908114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708929166710695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631148712259487,0.0,0.08795084734040011,0.1741733513604825,0.08634778455954052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700952205800454,0.0,0.0,0.18261182180472132,0.09637399134086387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526528965016254,0.08965941164126966,0.0619314405893087,0.08567267952136379,0.08787905217524758,0.0,0.0775946217006507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852751895018112,0.08889442349307992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995759007549575,0.0,0.0,0.13002819133882534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228235631297504,0.0,0.0,0.0998250083725412,0.1840121986838811,0.09337703740192213,0.11882936384171498,0.0,0.09329840027857167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370110773783349,0.06078672707339875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794766317976972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762865543381948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468189454013116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932509129682034,0.0,0.0,0.06972717715562632,0.08778363299817622,0.0,0.2096103931209536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700218854050065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590840687609722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144913615766707,0.0,0.0,0.2330045280637424,0.056182224185047126,0.0,0.06960864709982582,0.10225459162766087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952941013705423,0.09537137595023178,0.08565126073448254,0.09127865546154132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959682379429785,0.14066426738081114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228582257425591,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rantfromcinemaworker,2019/04/01,"I've been considering seriously ending it for about a six months now. I just don't know if I can tell anyone without anyone freaking out. The first person I ever told left me because of it. That was about 2 years ago.  So I've been extremely scared of bringing it up with anyone. I haven't told anyone since about how I've felt. 

After she left me I got into making money and trying to be as successful as I possibly can be.  Since then I managed to get out of student debt, and build up a decent amount of assets while still studying. I got another girlfriend who I really really love. About 2 months ago we were hanging out in the car and I just couldn't help myself and broken down crying that I didn't know if I could keep myself alive. Every time I jump in the car to drive I consider driving into incoming traffic. She noticed that I started drifting into incoming traffic last time I drove her somewhere. She asked me what stopped me from doing it and I said putting her through the pain. She asked me what's stopping me every other time. I told her it's just that I can't put her through me ending it. I can't put my parents through me ending it.  Since then we have been fighting, I know it's really hard to hear that someone you love wants to end it and your one of the only two reasons for him not ending it. 

I just don't know what to do. I just want to end it so badly but I just don't want to to hurt those around me.",2.8900528789659212,4.227726689189193,4.258860164512338,87.45076968272622,74.33783783783784,6.769447708578143,24.693889541715627,7.255503002510835,1.0097980611045827,1124,35,234,12,23,372,143,296,0.095,0.848,0.057,-0.8141,2,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,2,2,0,2,17,10,1,1,7,0,21,3,0,3,1,44,46,17,0,7,11,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,22,16,0,3,6,0,2,12,10,7,0,4,14,4,49,3,41,28,1,52,0,1,0,2,29,14,0,2,26,169,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682457655666987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275546271581228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24740632623398195,0.0,0.0,0.07874598104776122,0.16539175238137452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385836637085441,0.05392290655378728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706261625077083,0.0,0.09716647423116423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700828467708208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001492584359063,0.1490586161531594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493312804034317,0.0,0.0,0.07524195396766667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046215423301363565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149518037307995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924059747142513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969809719139988,0.0,0.05929123677539334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469564576626713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862514226556551,0.0,0.0,0.1944558428779284,0.07210471635102286,0.0,0.0,0.1922187920017954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159672800099408,0.0,0.05904610710143793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412119583257926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070951650597453,0.0,0.0,0.05994113085646119,0.06727595919662534,0.09412507883565974,0.0,0.09822165033238632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723772800848927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972260607869204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667728349340261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000453094632892,0.0909491025980122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414339459441618,0.0,0.08856144748209238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195190191561244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494980215795748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261071510842328,0.0,0.0706423203858675,0.1479089593423643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731580494698366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547409409409617,0.0,0.0,0.2535749633863693,0.0,0.06005687563195518,0.0,0.08641018114925215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652367936276454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526992966095184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696376740038658
suicidewatch,ScaledGrocery,2019/04/01,"Death by verapamil injection(any doctor here) First of all i want to say i’m not going to kill myself right away. I simply want some information. I don’t know if this is the right thread. if i did inject it it would be with the intention to end my life.

I have enough reasons to not do it right away. 


I’m not looking for mental support! 


just some technical advice.

I have 480mg of verapamil extended release pills. I wanted to know if i crush them and inject them IV would that be lethal. I weight around 60kg male(i’m skinny as hell i know)
I’m also aware that 480mg of powder would be hard to inject, it would most likely take several syringes or getting a very big one.

i popped (chewed it for instant release) the same amount the other day which did not do anything much but make me sleepy and not feel my legs (and barely feel heatbeat)

I know it’s a dangerous drug and a higher dose + alcohol(and why not other drugs)  could be lethal but i don’t have any more unfortunately 

Thank you. I hope nobody gets offended by this post

I simply want to make sure i have an easy (painless) way out just in case. 
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suicidewatch,HungryProgress,2019/04/01,Well great. I just hit a brick wall and now I can't tell anyone I mean I've brought it up with my therapist and since I don't have a plan I'm good. But now I'm pretty set on dying. I don't have a plan but I know It's going to be peaceful and on my own terms for once and it's going to be a very special day for me. But now I can't talk about it with anyone because I'll get committed probably. And everyone is going to try to force me to stay alive and deal with all of their bullshit some more. I literally can't enjoy a god damn thing anymore. I don't want to spend time with any of my current friends. Most people I meet get on my nerves. I really don't want to be here.,-0.3010173160173153,1.2859029675324685,2.359454545454547,96.43251515151516,84.25974025974024,5.665108225108226,18.70822510822511,6.742157984588678,-0.13373800865800822,523,13,133,6,15,182,85,154,0.102,0.713,0.18600000000000005,0.917,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,7,7,1,0,5,0,13,0,0,0,2,22,26,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,2,0,1,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,18,6,20,21,6,18,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,2,7,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812670191905254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868541943066406,0.2634842689579977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485427902905078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151022987775825,0.1942446216500629,0.0,0.0,0.19554203319485314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003585402991634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556673584494936,0.0,0.19687511161906,0.0,0.32123684774105704,0.15803114635380236,0.0,0.20772502646775226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354637325814832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523603261202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006527577416996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062124009000114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168286051047528,0.20314013136270065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070162806744555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558564519217312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082224993702746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143852441330558,0.1646804966990941,0.0,0.0,0.2187609921450624,0.12517263993141733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986462182092703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791946117676614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554597303759598,0.22226069887698446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940512246229594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,treeshadsouls,2019/04/01,"Are suicidal thoughts contagious in relationship (like how depression can be)   Recently I’ve been helping my partner who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, she had been actively researching methods and talking to me about it. She’s feeling better at the moment and has seen a therapist, and told me recently that my help saved her life.

I’ve got a history of anxiety and depression, and this has all taken a toll on me. When she told me I saved her life it really made me feel a lot worse. I know depression can be contagious in relationships – does anyone have experience of suicidal inclinations being contagious too? Because I’ve now started having suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression worsening – I barely left bed this weekend, only for getting food or going to the bathroom. Trying to avoid any contact with housemates.

Just wondering if this contagion thing could also be applicable for suicidal thinking.",8.146363636363638,10.139759490445863,8.390376375217139,60.32907353792703,62.375796178343954,13.097625940938046,42.93514765489288,12.40481918309499,6.657833121019107,748,45,103,29,11,245,103,157,0.313,0.601,0.086,-0.9933,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,2,6,0,16,3,0,2,1,27,33,11,5,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,8,8,1,1,8,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,12,3,15,4,14,16,2,13,0,4,1,0,15,5,0,4,8,75,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622439912692638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332196405832132,0.0,0.16496550988055134,0.0,0.0,0.07539093650703965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572666893613538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953588952463601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860862794319793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714642099474934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943548666017502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546960812336813,0.0,0.0,0.10903505476685932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037755756729266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633201214853159,0.0,0.06127714793636822,0.0,0.08623428771558864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445402608801541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925559110387516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714781076019845,0.0,0.1523142943018476,0.0526758848093773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166554188054153,0.0,0.1020228187226195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200271424662248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907288100284811,0.0,0.21292042118753685,0.23151876429777424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631624492795437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271789923157464,0.0,0.5896932629026012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666241991534837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518846862659944,0.07163146845015148,0.06908733066457133,0.0,0.25679344431752066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060551348107052,0.0,0.07320336818384897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692725398423258,0.0,0.0,0.10987879050262923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RickRammus,2019/04/01,"19th of april I was born, and I will go. 23 years I'll be. I've been diagnosed with chronic depression when I was twelve. 

Why commit suicide, you might ask? I've got a good job, I have friends, I am the happiest I have ever been. And still life feels dull, like I'm standing still motionless just looking at people walking past. I am not looking for reactions like 'don't do it', my mind is set. I never saw myself live past 16 anyways, and I've waiting 6 bloody years because 'eventuallly it'll get better'. But no more.

I don't want to die, I just wish I never lived.

See you guys on the other side.",0.9257630272952859,3.0519086854838733,2.879999999999999,91.40346153846157,83.11290322580646,5.750868486352358,22.44168734491315,7.010146845296331,0.6662017369727047,463,16,101,6,13,155,87,124,0.135,0.6859999999999999,0.179,0.6952,1,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,0,16,3,0,0,4,18,29,5,2,2,4,0,1,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,6,5,15,5,6,19,1,19,0,2,4,0,5,3,0,1,14,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797345325416648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300861603015213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494490438125856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554219311115993,0.17151110378081105,0.1753745213970576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285204933606514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544134574368419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055349897431584,0.0,0.08828505542023203,0.0,0.0960352061859918,0.14173237438934394,0.13514871171335271,0.0,0.0,0.1673167287387175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768653761466112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935554404018102,0.1651101472265396,0.0,0.2984248034757103,0.0,0.2838012177043371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792610353217786,0.17062159020210627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606555269710177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32262098719982113,0.11714942864610176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465515129508412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698952308458502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483665117100095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966875933034088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247813197632773,0.0,0.19431861614935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763510978119535
suicidewatch,pwb2YCyF9,2019/04/01,"I lost my last chance in love I lost my last chance in love.

I am 30 years old. And 5""3' guy. It took 6 years to find her. When I started dating her, I didn't think she is the one. Because I was focused on finding someone who is attractive. She wasn't attractive to me at all but not repulsive either. What made me interested at first and this was the reason I've agreed to meet her at the first place is that she was extremely tall (like 6 foot) and I am short. During the relationship I found out she had a great personality (minus some medium size issues I thought I could live with if she were pretty), and I knew that, and yet, I thought I would only love her if she would be attractive, at least a bit! So I made her do things to improve it. That backfired as she didn't want to alter her physique for me and wanted to stay the way she is and to be accepted and loved the way she is. As I remained focused on that and bitter that she didn't want to make adjustments in my direction, we ended the relationship because of continous fights over this matter.

8 months have passed and I have found a new girl which is very attractive,  but short and with average personality. I felt like I was not having fun like with the first. There was much less sexual compatability, she wasn't talkative and she was boring. I felt like I really missed it. Later I also suddenly discovered the thought that the tall girl would average out the height of my children. This thought just popped into my head in an instant. I didn't want to have children in life because I thought they would be short and I feel that this had screwed me up in life. So I also thought like I would have children with my SO happily and without regrets. I didn't have this thought while in the relationship with her. Its a new thought that just appeared recently. Thinking back, her height also made me feel better about mine.
I felt so bad when I just thought about it that I prepared a love letter to her, and after 8 months of silence wanted to get her back and contacted her. 


SHE DID NOT WANT TO GO BACK AND JUST STARTED A NEW RELATIONSHIP.

I feel so devastated. I barely slept this week, I dont eat much, I feel so terrible. I feel that I've made the biggest mistake in my life. I'm wondering if ending it is a good idea. I will not get another chance with a new girl because there won't be anyone this tall with a great personality. It's really a zero chance. This thing is so rare. I dated for so long time so I know how rare that is. I screwed it up big time. I'm fucked. I was so stupid so ignore all of this when I focused only on her looks. I am also not so young anymore.. I'm 30. Soon all the girls would be married with children. I doubt I will ever have a chance to love again and be satisfied with a new woman without comparing it to this lost one. I will always regret this mistake till the day I die and won't ever be satisfied with a new girl. I don't know how to rationalize this to escape from this hole. It seems so hopeless now. Then what's the point of continuing on?

I have no intentions as of now of killing myself this moment. But I am thinking maybe long term I will. I'm mainly using the reddit to find inspiration for my situation.

TL;DR: 30 years old guy dumped a wonderful girl with zero chance of finding a similar one, regretted it, contacted her and she doesn't want to go back. Feeling like I've lost my only chance in life.",2.5981262042389197,4.430992868497113,3.98198843930636,87.05583429672448,76.23988439306359,7.272292870905588,24.683622350674373,8.131152278815165,1.3800929865125242,2683,91,564,46,60,884,250,692,0.149,0.6709999999999999,0.18,0.963,0,0,0,0,1,2,71.0,1,0,1,8,41,48,8,1,33,0,63,17,3,10,5,129,131,54,2,22,18,0,9,6,0,12,4,0,0,16,42,35,1,1,38,0,0,5,20,24,0,8,43,11,95,24,73,68,12,98,0,9,1,9,61,35,3,9,61,397,137,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138388185597444,0.04197961065545204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529026972298168,0.0,0.0,0.050034237203309406,0.035276795528470815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517606549742327,0.042124815936475365,0.12301883320476005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462016795762448,0.05507986761504738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04028134173721492,0.0,0.0,0.03253698257559715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236059328715309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912867108327152,0.0,0.0,0.05162438266676202,0.0,0.0,0.08936994036976782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127236869571688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153058478007643,0.03604249391368952,0.14532378231779028,0.0,0.18444668117991456,0.12874181832050902,0.0,0.1106347233469667,0.0,0.046641511090120304,0.05271755376285918,0.0,0.05734539238990018,0.04231624498190912,0.0,0.11124570455501807,0.0,0.09990964609722257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177769690582063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056953495438510075,0.0,0.05265815928106839,0.0,0.0,0.05581700479141942,0.0,0.05545354569497598,0.08224925769918476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254127790673846,0.14788804891910354,0.0,0.04454951505245396,0.08929581187402627,0.04236647380770815,0.0,0.22029467384235954,0.0,0.2732061773669328,0.1909533576349741,0.033676704693471386,0.0,0.05068521759429318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053966049878157,0.0,0.07417517558402306,0.0,0.0,0.2923576888090589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058805257121577,0.0,0.10256153344933784,0.11511170111227917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215666290419412,0.0527109803385619,0.0,0.04769288519390706,0.0,0.0,0.051327216636362895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464092403129504,0.051872447155028464,0.04981467607427364,0.21666371284230407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045929064418477016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056709493209954935,0.0,0.0,0.04274731185531742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141952846209199,0.053774485107688175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703534358361894,0.09698166982848244,0.0,0.36047502185073904,0.05883724011481596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605336746004346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043573815459191166,0.0,0.04162769294024279,0.20830282132265754,0.08009195416327754,0.04046907402259205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726670838745342,0.1094247935260014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150353841455648,0.0,0.0,0.09746715239032387
suicidewatch,Addyys,2019/04/01,I’m worthless and I hope I die I’m a fat worthless piece of garbage I’m 19 and I know I won’t amount to anything everything about me is gross my looks my weight everyday only gets worse I feel like I should just take all these peoples and chase it with vodka,-0.9087103174603186,1.1785466607142858,0.7438095238095244,100.8123015873016,100.25,3.9174603174603178,18.722222222222214,5.82211442006289,-0.3251801587301584,207,7,48,2,9,66,42,56,0.268,0.6409999999999999,0.091,-0.8885,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,10,12,3,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,9,2,4,10,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604997410152461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285365695002071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28450135017046474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006091649172755,0.2261486465918437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538815909427387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144128927876288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739716504866302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465393982934506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658284616881888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075614260365466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194610203335118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380117443081516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854815925614388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32259900173313694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway284196,2019/04/01,"I almost did, but then didn't. Mixed feelings. I could have done it last night, sat on a bridge in the freeing cold and pitch black, over a fast flowing river. I don't know what stopped me. I just got up and drove home, but then when I got home I wanted to die again. 

The feeling of loneliness is killing me, it feels like i'm going to be alone forever, because I have too many issues. I just become a burden to everybody around me. i want someone to love me and hold me, somebody who will be around forever and who understands

My girlfriend left me around a month ago, and it's really fucked me up. 

After we broke up she fucking messed with my head, we met up and she started holding my hand again, saying she missed me, and still felt for me, then days later apparently she doesn't miss me at all and is fine without me. started ignoring my messages for over a day at a time. I really dont think she would give a fuck if i died, because of the way she has changed. its like shes a completely different person, insensitive and just horrible. I don't know why she thinks its acceptable to mess with my head the way she did, giving me false hope of a future then ripping it away

it's like she's forgetting everything i did for her, treating me like im nothing now. thats what hurts the most, her claiming she doesn't even miss me

i'm at work now, which isn't so bad, but then i have to go home and sit in my room

i have 0 motivation to do anything, im just empty. 

on the outside it looks like im coping fine, i went on an amazing holiday alone, everybody at work thinks im handling this well but im not. they only know what i want them to know. They don't know that i spent the holiday barely fitting in with the group and being awkward

​",3.059808676079392,4.196156654696132,4.2748004910988335,88.29443728258649,73.6132596685083,7.572907714344177,26.39083282177205,8.045849151850463,1.4278511152036009,1367,47,298,20,27,449,181,362,0.165,0.643,0.193,0.6986,2,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,2,0,3,3,17,29,4,1,18,0,27,7,3,1,1,59,67,23,3,7,11,0,5,5,1,2,0,1,4,1,17,19,0,4,15,2,2,5,10,15,1,0,13,9,56,15,39,48,2,56,0,5,2,4,29,23,3,4,30,194,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322324208422096,0.0,0.08271572549716102,0.17110515007752533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950113073335747,0.100372600058325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797584956437289,0.220604556761016,0.0,0.0,0.07760894411234458,0.0,0.06897068252263225,0.10070896098472168,0.0912293541887364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738381670331234,0.0,0.08660846232421572,0.0,0.0,0.06595237440877386,0.0,0.0,0.10654517274805668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145930616057056,0.08630333948212503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453231766158552,0.0968109820923455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455899911271273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423892593780593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530081686269934,0.059012136902715714,0.07931255587635358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22909751287390534,0.0,0.15848209162417135,0.09389123168215104,0.0,0.1321315328718851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955056138071922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24857489493180246,0.08204416410525453,0.0,0.0,0.08842902492084051,0.0,0.4461311349399813,0.08621685591404514,0.0,0.0,0.09138881277579168,0.0,0.2269843090026855,0.06733308282043603,0.0,0.0,0.0897492181960262,0.0,0.0,0.2017801036462808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936634735689587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455311120651714,0.0,0.0,0.0837472393123278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593352672589546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751802547953278,0.0,0.07926052783774773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282387563052093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212641003315097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583615738654488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568981902762319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998989097341421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693472158794192,0.0,0.06596746301605717,0.06906043538678068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878744658117724,0.0,0.0,0.04816691204759715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599341896446745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616549928003278,0.131134026829764,0.0,0.0,0.07427069332067339,0.07657450563522987,0.07453703794900192,0.0,0.0,0.07962706916427913,0.0,0.1202730304605026,0.0,0.0,0.0586793353724541,0.0,0.100372600058325,0.0
suicidewatch,Mindless____,2019/04/01,"I've become the monster I always despised I'm sorry for the wall of text. 

I've been depressed for as long as I could remember. But during the rough years in high school I had a salvation. I had picked up bass in the school orchestra. I was talented. It was the one thing that I could run to. And because of that I got good quickly. In four years, by snr year I had auditioned into a conservatory. I was in a place that many had dreamt of. My first year there went well. I was the talk of my whole family, the kid to envy. But halfway through my second year I snapped, partially due to a terrible slob drunk roommate. I knew the rest was something that had been building up for years. 

I took a sudden leave of absence after the first semester. That was the last time I touched my instrument. I was allowed two semesters of leave. I thought I could just take a break and get a small job. I was hired at a well-known violin shop just as general help. It was my dream first-job. Eventually I started hating it. One day my boss sat me down and told me that I needed to work faster. He wasn't mean about it. He liked me a lot. But it made me snap. I had my first ever panic attack, and I left the shop hyperventilating while the crowd of other employees followed asking if I wanted an ambulance. It was the most embarrassing day of my life. 

Something in me changed after that day. I never left my room. I never thought about getting a second job. I couldn't experience what I did before. Months passed and I went downhill quickly. By the end of the summer I had been in the mental hospital twice because I began having suicidal thoughts. They were not very often, but when it hit, it hit me hard and I became someone horrible and bitter. Shortly after we moved to a tiny town far away from the big city that I was used to living in. I thought I would like it because I always hated the traffic and the noise. But I've never been lonelier. I got worse and worse, and when two semesters of leave passed, I never responded to the school. 

I've been at my absolute lowest this last week. My mind doesn't feel under my control like it used to. I constantly tell myself how worthless I am because I threw away the one thing that I could live for. I've never had a girlfriend either and that is something that my brain slaps me with constantly. I don't even know why it upsets me so much but it does. When I'm at my absolute lowest I become someone else. The world around me becomes a disgusting display of everything that I could never achieve myself, while everyone else lives their lives with a smile on their face. 

Today I was having one of those episodes. I own a sun conure which I had always loved so much. I went up to his cage and stuck my finger through to try and pet him a little. He almost always let me do so, I had been doing it for years. But today he was crabby for some reason and bit me pretty hard. And it was like the job all over again. All that hatred inside of me came out all at once, and I punched the cage hard. He screeched in terror as the whole cage fell over. I did this in front of my parents. My dad pushed me over and told me that if I didn't get my shit together soon that I would be on the street. I stormed out of the house and walked to a bridge over the river my town is on. It's a tall bridge, the highest part being over a small island in the middle of the river. The shorelines of the island are covered with jagged rocks. I thought that it was it, but I hesitated. The fear of surviving or experiencing unimaginable pain stopped me. 

I only hate myself more. I injured my parrot's foot. He's not walking on it right now. He was my baby. I'll never forgive myself for what I've done. I purposefully abused an animal. I am that which I've spat at in disgust in the past. But I'm one of them now.

I can't listen to the music that once gave me such life without constantly realizing that I had thrown away my future,a future that so many would die for. And I just threw it away like trash. I can't look at a couple in love and feel happiness for them. I only feel shame and hatred and the desire to take it away and make them as miserable as I am. And I hate myself for it so much. Now suicide is on my mind every day, all day. I've become its slave. I've gone in too far to go back to normal. I know that it's only inevitable that I snap again. It's inevitable that I'm going to turn into this monster. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I've been on so many meds and have seen countless therapists. I want you to hate me for the piece of garbage I am. Hopefully it'll encourage me to end the suffering a little more quickly. I'm sorry I wasted your time.",2.16113056252678,3.9758202039542176,3.578503274775052,89.54350443777929,77.44953173777316,6.437025157617677,22.544175797270004,7.331664511175081,0.7484652775907454,3660,108,779,46,85,1202,378,961,0.166,0.764,0.07,-0.9984,10,0,3,0,2,1,99.0,1,2,6,7,35,37,11,7,62,0,71,13,6,10,12,117,137,55,3,17,19,2,9,5,1,4,4,1,2,1,60,35,1,2,17,6,3,20,18,23,1,14,64,14,130,14,115,58,20,152,0,4,2,2,37,67,1,9,69,549,190,10,0.0,0.05512941388861357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046592205397398515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486386350104425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04142079295657065,0.043498458213113336,0.05293360574359552,0.21857825963708,0.035778031064678674,0.0,0.1134549099909616,0.20555108635440855,0.03959286499511384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079776209694599,0.0,0.0,0.05194190033242583,0.0,0.05321693244078312,0.0,0.0,0.04922165297805543,0.0,0.0,0.15084438839530015,0.052186378907275635,0.18574863222381988,0.05148360046429419,0.0,0.15003720704079251,0.0,0.04007547391589155,0.0,0.048289893861856566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071795768287188,0.047615457442151184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773823996217785,0.0,0.08242200219597985,0.0,0.0,0.061464106798488814,0.04208826447653925,0.039202801183772194,0.044460580369286025,0.041817384360549784,0.04551442013608573,0.04386352543354738,0.0523582102885998,0.07057958278959997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583106264205287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292865443399567,0.0,0.05288715688892383,0.03902642904755018,0.07442719606263118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953112708991931,0.12504289125415002,0.22968942850571705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031187496935532768,0.04916058344833014,0.0,0.04621392755336577,0.0,0.0536883721504204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846919390335127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671358366362396,0.0758549068137588,0.0,0.14780290013190386,0.10110807789720012,0.04757919075107308,0.06572980507784516,0.1136589200867077,0.0932688294498025,0.16434430692426955,0.04117681835705088,0.03907275290513786,0.0,0.0,0.03955740482388828,0.08398871797282031,0.04402699049926771,0.031058557460307223,0.1415197129222661,0.0,0.050683866120933035,0.051683377318080405,0.0,0.04689042211118921,0.0,0.09396232036176652,0.0,0.03713910990109399,0.04945310460567773,0.10261279899446503,0.03450076241566217,0.2512029496122561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045588671090823485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910401580799898,0.15764672290274134,0.10616250657216254,0.04951027786558504,0.05459191209960288,0.0516650956421873,0.05038651661044098,0.04441732215540672,0.0,0.0,0.0486130405731688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047336855600576544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047839697952499725,0.0,0.0,0.05270843716984535,0.03973562519526765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126989944941462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776148619554065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884796648701985,0.1074611989519639,0.0,0.10417110958592142,0.032933559692346494,0.0,0.0,0.038900438472066486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179063863695767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996823451344124,0.03739835446646663,0.0406685129370251,0.0,0.0,0.05402390943369589,0.06182377668818913,0.0,0.0,0.1846946705125536,0.05426302304649679,0.0,0.08820835480454925,0.08892116073857205,0.051695578589046894,0.03159022693057745,0.05061033532858596,0.09090440363050616,0.0,0.0,0.08037246301396417,0.0,0.03839140749941601,0.05488817612802723,0.0,0.03732286375215826,0.0,0.083670556654255,0.12939891683172144,0.08397061044825824,0.10389623027918313,0.0,0.04485242364007658,0.0,0.033873762850424614,0.0,0.09483432287207988,0.0991588829025038,0.0,0.0,0.20974265211841173
suicidewatch,FloridaFunRun,2019/04/01,"I've tried. I've experienced. I've lost the war.  I'm not looking for support, I don't want to waste anyone else's time. I just want to write my words and say goodbye. 

I've been fighting all my life. 

I fought for 17 years. The enemy was severe depression and extreme sleep issues. Introversion and awkwardness supported the opposition. I had a plan to join the military, though, so I won the fight in the end. The casualties were my will to live and my fear of death. I also lost people at this time. Two close friends, and the only person that ever actually raised me. I love you, grandpa. 

I fought for 4 years. The enemies were Taliban insurgents, and radical nationals. In total I spent 18 months overseas, there was no winner. Casualties were countless. To the few that went through it all and are still with us, stay strong where I have fallen. 

I fought for 4 years more when I got out. The enemy is vast, and I'm surrounded. The casualty will finally be me. Though not in war, I will still go out with my boots on. That, I can manage. 

I've got no one to write a letter for, this will serve as that letter. Public servants will be notified of my remains. My funeral will be an unattended government service. 

I will finally lie at rest.

I will finally meet peace.",1.7471110176619007,4.350177784552848,3.5475441547518933,84.73719512195126,84.16260162601625,7.458144098682365,23.52340902719372,8.433251757073789,1.881772525932156,989,37,194,25,29,330,141,246,0.241,0.654,0.105,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,3,0,41.0,1,1,0,5,11,18,7,2,15,0,23,3,1,0,4,25,42,14,4,2,3,1,0,0,1,8,1,1,0,1,7,13,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,12,0,2,17,3,27,6,25,14,6,31,0,3,1,1,18,13,0,0,14,128,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.12693306519575076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401980677757117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095048185489103,0.13327576927208254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203219661363496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865979778703372,0.0,0.11520659711584648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765901336209846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636895677643946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274677955113015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049453669093454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392382147933306,0.0,0.20806347244177686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576303880377935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187482674954696,0.0,0.0,0.11485736727850825,0.0,0.10922905977085803,0.0,0.2839813882734657,0.0,0.11739649773083426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038235024051666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814123417630572,0.09892683019586636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901766528502909,0.11357524581817645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343974336702323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469461381617904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016753240745702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864114522804874,0.20775388168096912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952119479036579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555932929678991,0.0,0.15169391831907145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883114326229438,0.0,0.12706300169964602,0.0,0.1564625190205938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344155262255169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057952554312965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512893912875289
suicidewatch,Throwawayy09101,2019/04/01,"I'll be leaving soon. I think today is my last month. I've planned everything out. I just need the money. I am either dying of strangulation or using the exit bag. Due to the lack of roof access buildings in my small island, I've decided to take advantage of the fact that very little people's suicide are reported and I'm buying a 15L tank of either argon or helium. I will fill a bag of the gas and tie it to my head. It will be a painless death, but if I can help it, I will be hanging myself. The best time to do it is at night so nobody will be able to disturb me and save my body. I will be locking my door and turning off my phone. 

If I die by hanging, they will see it on the window and barge into my room in the morning to save my cats and retrieve my body. If I die by the exit bag, my cats will eventually run out of food and water and leave my room through the window to tell my family something is wrong. Either way, my body will be found and my cats will be safe. 

Before I would think about suicide with tears in my eyes and an urge to beg for help, today I am calm. I am comforted. I reached my peak so now I have to go.",3.0660655737704907,3.320479991803282,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,72.85245901639344,7.575409836065574,24.67622950819672,7.413659706084162,0.9441852459016392,874,23,199,9,16,300,130,244,0.129,0.737,0.135,0.1479,0,0,1,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,1,3,6,9,0,1,14,0,27,7,5,1,1,36,37,18,6,6,10,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,5,0,6,14,2,1,4,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,33,7,30,19,5,30,0,0,2,0,5,15,0,5,9,136,39,1,0.13162580944001254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200386913449804,0.0,0.1381331663401859,0.0,0.0,0.4386198041195718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098204274903824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182967902434956,0.0,0.12408509874299488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916245124888645,0.14432090614622115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480598082272799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508605453239567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645201102931332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729260255637324,0.0,0.2787454538608751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319236403997626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506246531154598,0.0,0.0,0.09759886987519384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235219055825857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125276303069067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048887284726932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133197876214477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879545435880373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896622766478846,0.0,0.11504675909296624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868100774383712,0.0,0.0,0.07675206799119136,0.0,0.2495317534944076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317108336806544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136824378653107,0.0,0.1086050777579354,0.0,0.10447844085636014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093503198497218,0.14391215965691945,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hairgel4frogs,2019/04/01,Tired I dont sleep anymore. I forget things all the time. My finger nails are blue. I dont eat. Nothing is good. I cant feel my skin anymore. I need help everyones sleeping i cant stop thinking.,-1.5209146341463402,0.0811291951219566,0.7989939024390259,98.46239329268292,110.70731707317074,3.025609756097561,19.759146341463413,5.148860815047168,-0.28005121951219536,151,6,33,1,8,50,29,41,0.141,0.6920000000000001,0.16699999999999998,-0.0134,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,1,6,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,9,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279123703057542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505691526653243,0.0,0.0,0.2207559581926062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614888877349746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090846651222482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095254074793826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460602591072705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996853335590894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207008422285087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317917635181445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803683644525285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332812075542986,0.13823753004662928,0.0,0.0,0.12579977375029516,0.24796148169824014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadbisco,2019/04/01,"I wrote my will Last summer, I wasn't sure how long I'd last before jumping in front of a car or otherwise spontaneously trying to kill myself. It was the most suicidal I had been in years and I was genuinely concerned that one day I'd leave the house and not come back. So I wrote my will. 

I didn't even know the proper formatting of a will, but I wrote down as many of my possessions as I could and determined who they would go to. It's in my Google docs account and sometimes I accidentally come across it. I don't like looking at it, but recently, I've been wanting to make it more official by researching what a will is supposed to look like. It would at least be easier to look at when I open my Google docs. 

It's pretty late at night and I can't sleep because my thoughts are a little too loud, but at least I found something to do.",4.314888311688311,4.548461320000005,5.3139740259740265,85.29984415584416,70.08571428571429,9.106493506493504,27.90909090909091,9.095868883498916,1.9214571428571428,661,21,147,12,11,218,102,175,0.1,0.833,0.067,-0.3934,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,7,0,20,1,1,2,1,27,34,14,2,4,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,0,3,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,12,4,21,3,22,14,4,29,0,0,3,0,5,12,0,2,13,101,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470486281152178,0.0,0.09886219674958716,0.0,0.1380015235775557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27940395442748306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948592759072952,0.0,0.0,0.10459138618791937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711703212904444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778197939604706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216948848305648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871316247528736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942591604578595,0.0,0.08912878137665198,0.26439341311683545,0.18294383545113865,0.17172307358831146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846394689630078,0.1625449505606172,0.0,0.14352241672964458,0.40856599530828336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825506692108308,0.16442302589907898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219305634102825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989600247555664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499331874711512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013119873685272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622951119004465,0.0,0.0,0.12485253915212588,0.16039817789899816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773963972999446,0.0,0.15285083523721474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875120772660706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010820881788742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095656779737912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23041318039639586,0.0,0.0,0.10443730763506484
suicidewatch,thisismany,2019/04/01,"I almost died today I was driving home on the highway and some guy almost hit me. I saw the car coming in the mirror being like few centimetres behind me and turning it at the very last moment. Had he hit me, i'd be dead. I stopped the music playing and was trying to calm myself. For a brief second I thought I was gonna die. And when I didn't, I felt disappointed, like I was so close. If he had been just a second late, I wouldn't have to go home and be lonely and depressed again. And then I realized how much I hate my life and myself. A normal person would just be terrified of what happened and be thanking the gods for still being alive, and I am here wishing the guy went a little bit faster, so he could end me from my miseries.",3.825454545454544,4.193752324675323,5.051064935064936,86.278025974026,71.20779220779221,7.1989610389610394,25.140259740259733,6.742157984588678,0.8752696103896103,574,15,122,4,10,191,96,154,0.187,0.7140000000000001,0.099,-0.9549,0,2,0,0,2,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,11,0,19,1,0,1,0,28,33,16,3,6,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,2,3,2,12,0,1,3,1,0,6,2,4,0,2,12,2,21,5,10,9,4,22,0,3,1,0,6,5,0,4,13,89,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217349689135031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538788161816635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838550516601647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282657257893897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836736471851144,0.0,0.3334580831271034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422879647364412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424892029874604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130093559883057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181369516840567,0.1420620130278034,0.0,0.0,0.158608334827124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222895268216186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095095991648434,0.1812198767035359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347164516595255,0.15697067270776166,0.16101321931257262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180960256228291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15740261220853236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027313518911755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829507046699526,0.13431035573206376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790467423419618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753792950776272,0.0,0.0,0.1522771461926628,0.0,0.0,0.1090706116268896,0.17474075893983915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255284004070678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892389592208274,0.0,0.0,0.18473924473433245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412094875822322,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FacialGoo,2019/04/01,"I just suck at life. My entire life is just pathetic. Throughout my childhood I was always ignored by the other kids around me. What's weird is I was never bullied unless adults forced their kids to play with me. I guess they resented they had to be around me, the loser kid. Growing up nothing has changed. I'm invisible to everyone around me, I dropped out of highschool and have been working crappy, low paying jobs since I was a teenage. I once tried getting a job in a warehouse but I was such a nightmare on the forklift they let me go after just two months so it was back to fast food. I'm so socially retarded from being isolated for so long that all my coworkers at every job I've ever had have seen me as weird and pretty much avoided me. I just feel like I've fallen through the cracks and don't see much point in continuing my life for much longer. I'm not even sad about killing myself, just sort of numb. I'm so tired of this humiliating existence.",3.687343750000004,5.2539726302083345,4.52075,85.44925000000002,72.69791666666666,7.411666666666667,27.90416666666667,8.021203637495839,1.726982916666666,763,29,153,11,15,246,124,192,0.228,0.696,0.076,-0.982,3,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,4,2,17,13,3,1,8,0,17,6,0,0,3,24,28,10,1,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,8,1,2,1,1,1,3,3,11,0,1,9,3,25,2,27,16,4,25,0,3,2,0,9,12,1,2,10,106,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911422254593282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38230782355947307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007532055958803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514362045311426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455077679542473,0.129489495821516,0.12061202863110315,0.13678820468256642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238212919433215,0.10226806714292554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310038933910982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479119426005035,0.0,0.08135677921333091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576984522006295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261698545638313,0.0,0.15837686502480827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638297631365735,0.3033382140782161,0.06993700710016035,0.0,0.0,0.12668532463629611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142628396814325,0.0,0.3157003447845755,0.0,0.11040791705827953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735854026193509,0.0,0.0,0.15245258031509765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532524128131407,0.0,0.0,0.1456374037212042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407388861783688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841710286788615,0.0,0.0,0.14592579279602502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645325672805269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719104859759488,0.0,0.13983904468942038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042166154302723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotBatman17,2019/04/01,"Idk what else to do now. In 2016, after a nasty break-up, I spent the next 2 years, being depressed, suicidal, a loner. 

I somehow managed to build myself up after that, but it was a little too late I think. Because, you see, in those 2 years I couldn't study well I couldn't do anything well. 

As a result, I couldn't go where I wanted to go, study what I want to study. Failing in exams has crashed me again. I don't see any hope at this moment. I am the most miserable I have ever been.  And idk what else I can do, people keep telling me to study what I am studying but it exhausts me soooooooooooooooooo much. It's ridiculous. 

The only way I see this ending is with me dying. I have literally nothing to stand on, hold on to. 

I guess, I just got shit life with shit luck.",1.0264375,3.0326657687500003,2.4700000000000024,95.165,81.9375,4.75,20.0,5.602791699666715,-0.2409374999999998,593,16,132,3,16,192,95,160,0.27,0.6970000000000001,0.033,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,1,9,11,3,1,7,0,17,4,2,1,1,21,30,4,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,7,2,0,4,3,23,4,19,22,2,24,0,3,3,0,2,9,2,5,11,91,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990060476101086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329915780946745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985161916729676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919478918973222,0.0,0.16772606632682244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700094812659294,0.0,0.14313883404527455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618584707117974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369381406314114,0.0,0.12925458957345856,0.0,0.1780320609830688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051557910259578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436467371806531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823035553654889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415019545988199,0.0,0.16197606396976685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188022292984793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718744796051042,0.0,0.0,0.15506952462251575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291198147092434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204029344011134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863476631174976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317814789329453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677553254012873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125460117601632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355341020762822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064398642382646,0.12827880255828467,0.0,0.0,0.2906142924053672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814358076314327
suicidewatch,ninelif3,2019/04/01,"My regret is that I dont kill myself when I was 15 I've been suicidal since i was 12 or 13 and it's taken a toll on me. But 15 is by far the worst year of my life, my mom told me I was an accident and told me she regret not drowning me when I was a baby.

I should kill myself when everyone hate me and I don't blame them one bit, everything is my fault. What is there to say when even your parents resent you? When you are nothing but a burden to them? The person that should love me unconditionally hate me and I know that I'm selfish for asking to be loved by them

Now that I'm 20, everything just get worse and I don't see myself in the future. I will kill myself when I graduate.

Sorry for my bad English",0.7471978021978032,2.274171192307694,3.278791208791212,91.40192307692308,80.66666666666667,6.252014652014653,18.83516483516484,7.1686216300943375,0.12904725274725326,550,12,130,7,14,192,88,156,0.207,0.649,0.145,-0.7899,1,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,3,3,0,10,15,6,0,7,0,17,3,0,0,0,15,30,14,5,4,5,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,13,0,1,8,2,34,2,10,18,2,12,0,2,1,2,16,3,0,1,9,95,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388026361987918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850412515695525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680242404454955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180375343614734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165270509129176,0.0,0.0,0.14706268421939642,0.2766395193232793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804089344500267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038983622103567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108187568405848,0.0,0.0845820832443544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870755046017463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27781028062695906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025150585420785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767585902787075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428991270876134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089312785580982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343837828338222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239131783411655,0.0,0.0,0.12264224315549947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731168630839718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228388458466398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683469313942965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29412536843879283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684219551181858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910968052929442
suicidewatch,lostmyusername2ice,2019/04/01,"My thoughts... Sometimes I wonder if the darkness is better than the light. I'm scared to enter it but the light isnt very bright. It's not that I dont smile during the light but it feels the one smile causes others to be in pause. Waiting for the darkness to enter the light but too scared to go alone. 

They say the test is never too hard but it's at a point where I'm too far gone.  It's a scary thought but it plagues my mind throughout the light. ",0.2036363636363632,2.3684405000000046,1.2115530303030295,101.9205681818182,86.70833333333334,3.4909090909090907,17.060606060606062,3.1291,-1.1621541666666664,352,8,83,0,11,109,55,96,0.197,0.726,0.077,-0.9213,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,2,11,0,5,0,0,1,1,15,14,6,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,3,9,5,2,8,10,0,10,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,1,50,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399541129798436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204905124921711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380026547083724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715311996646625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714607987083255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167100583861854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075428041251745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233934171559814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868850797904198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569946564937257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901568384536896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842439254392751,0.4639109682242344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914079014906566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678614540085183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911630550163708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125074616787085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,severalinthechamber,2019/04/01,"Waiting on one more call, one more chance. This is the part of life where I kill myself. I have been doing literally nothing but hunting for jobs to try and break into industry for the last few months.

I'm tired of trying, and I got my current interview basically handed to me via connections. If I can't do this one right, then I'm truly hopeless.",4.241739130434779,5.489378971014496,5.525333333333336,80.028,70.8840579710145,8.418550724637681,28.29275362318841,8.841846274778883,2.202504927536233,275,10,53,5,5,92,54,69,0.146,0.779,0.075,-0.7354,2,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,0,6,10,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,1,7,0,8,8,4,9,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,38,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567939836941873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113527822217625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24955974770054715,0.0,0.2782305462523616,0.0,0.0,0.2049935855928744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776310721244497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073267832351116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241306340313775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112375983398492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27233340964663155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476654910543008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28904465348265185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414831899584935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,836275,2019/04/01,"Is it selfish to die? Or is it selfish to ask someone to suffer? So that you wont have to say bye. I've lived so long for others, can't I have the right to leave if I choose? ",-2.1660975609756083,-0.4787568780487774,0.8470243902439023,103.59492682926829,93.39024390243902,3.28,15.517073170731704,3.1291,-1.42615512195122,132,3,36,0,5,46,30,41,0.331,0.669,0.0,-0.9365,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,7,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607721541700472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005118744170313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086211547385538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34076408722446344,0.3415166898045036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295635681788058,0.0,0.3068897587189605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32697883890599905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plutostar75,2019/04/01,"My thoughts. So suicide, what is there to be said that hasn't?Its  been done for generations and so on, and itll keep being a tragedy in the eyes of most, I for one think it should be allowed as an option, for anyone who does not have the will to survive in the world they took part in and were brought into, they should be able to play out the role of wanting to be non existent. I expect myself to die by my own hands soon, not sure when. But when it does happen I'll just make it painless.",6.409411764705883,4.769457588235294,6.248352941176472,86.59958823529414,66.25490196078431,8.944313725490195,31.184313725490192,6.742157984588678,1.5248996078431372,382,11,87,2,5,120,73,102,0.136,0.8220000000000001,0.042,-0.9092,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,0,6,0,14,2,2,2,1,21,23,9,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,3,7,2,18,7,3,12,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,3,68,14,0,0.25048032132643416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514166462899886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25995902779414104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43839403429972224,0.2563283336270109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149892092500115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263841847050675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719755949696585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697319482124593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712457788674044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382641449978667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27398481692988025,0.0,0.2360747385373235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604976759538894,0.0,0.1988533962097912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782928533599301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773978323967846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1337Sinister1337,2019/04/01,A least painful way I can kill my self you can think of And no I don’t want sympathy or anything like that ,1.0549999999999995,2.313067833333335,2.3649999999999984,99.48,79.0,6.466666666666668,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.5613999999999995,84,3,22,1,2,27,22,24,0.233,0.473,0.294,-0.05,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34321065523253463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614229099703972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20375789939851024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437887588951305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43509190413481935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672397326063965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459969587325472,0.3310484205784217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acriman,2019/04/01,"I don't think I can live anymore This world is a horrible place for the unfortunate people. There's so many things wrong with my life and I have no control over them. I just have really really bad luck with everything.

I have severe autism and I was bullied by everyone in school. Years of bullying left me with hundreds of emotional scars that have caused complex ptsd.

Now it has reached another level and I am having heart problems due to constant stress and anger. I might have a heart attack if this keeps going. I wish I had the courage to kill myself before I die from the scars caused by my enemies. ",3.4125407925407965,5.7912272393162425,3.988951048951048,85.4083216783217,75.75213675213675,7.673348873348875,25.166278166278172,8.575989854853784,1.8704940170940167,485,17,92,10,11,153,86,117,0.35,0.564,0.086,-0.9908,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,3,1,5,0,14,3,2,3,0,19,18,6,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,16,2,13,15,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,4,63,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382577396390274,0.0,0.0,0.1549429058204193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773960051436394,0.0,0.0,0.1304495032436727,0.0,0.0,0.13294427818762594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209922819856312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883427806451096,0.1752305743954097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214702027786745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757430825382928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492890137080788,0.14041373313585395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879181765276913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37027789866515376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886863811076008,0.17285061989518566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974952982867458,0.0,0.11035323526809544,0.0,0.0,0.1379581602707269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839753017867045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574039659696896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831351459094417,0.0,0.16323207704982395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149495570596548,0.1826300801649596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001759827701213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581179236398502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650081453226876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896639599295458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379543596628586,0.10010892923501093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966226987898729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081818990589365,0.0,0.10061006660987948
suicidewatch,LelioKelio,2019/04/01,"So tired. Lately I've been so tired and angry. I have been finding myself sleeping for longer than 10+ hours at a time, and even eating less than I did back in high school.

 I'm an introvert by nature.  At work i have been getting a do-able schedule (by my standards), but then they keep changing my shifts without letting me know. Only 4 other people know how to work in my position at my store, but we just dont have the payroll to overlap shifts. I've been trying to get out of that position for over 3 months now, but they just cant seem to find someone who can take those shifts.

 I am getting so sick and tired of having to ""be nice"" to potential clients, and cleaning up messes from my co-workers, and even then, needing to deal with co-workers who expect the world from me. Every time I try to put my foot down to someone who wants something, I constantly get undermined by a manager. I've been promised a pay raise, and a yearly pay inscrease, but at this point I really don't know if it's worth it.

I really want to quit working for a while, but I need the money from my job so that I can save up and go to college/get a liscence/car. 

I know that if I kill myself right now that I wont have to worry about any of that. The only reason why I hadn't killed myself a while back is because of what it might do to my mom. I cant stand to think of how bad she might get. I may not show it physically and obviously , but she is my world. 

I know that it is wrong of me to feel this, but even I dont have enough connection with my friends to make them another reason not to end myself. I don't care if I leave them with the aftermath, but I just cant do it to my mother.

When I do decide to finally end it, I want to be able to end it in a way that they wont be able to bring me back. I don't want to saddle my family with the burden of paying medical expenses, or force them into he feeling of helplessness and hope, that I may one day come out of a coma.


Feel free to remove my post if it violates any of the rules , I just needed to let this out.",5.086644547885513,3.837958738041003,6.261202337327919,84.16880063385165,68.68109339407745,9.45710607111023,29.10973556501932,8.456263369488248,1.7864985837377434,1582,44,364,20,23,536,201,439,0.122,0.782,0.096,-0.9364,1,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,1,0,6,4,20,15,3,0,18,0,41,9,2,5,1,74,72,33,2,13,20,2,3,0,1,6,6,0,1,0,26,19,1,1,15,1,8,5,14,8,0,1,7,3,56,8,67,54,2,53,0,1,0,0,17,21,0,11,24,258,82,9,0.23830266041345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803598721837984,0.08329370581174317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324003631257185,0.06632425584548518,0.048422363314237535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098848144375986,0.0,0.08403087230409327,0.0684255470621977,0.0,0.08584017244528333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122850055981897,0.08189319301718742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619262881263868,0.0,0.0,0.08128103797578375,0.0,0.0,0.2110654251493516,0.08207678350785831,0.0,0.15739665971716651,0.0,0.06692675643593271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488351328138154,0.0,0.12049298529883225,0.0,0.0,0.08701630544697225,0.145202876267462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613706814333745,0.0,0.2490066089728684,0.0,0.04514429786664265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392661481691978,0.0,0.07889610384760619,0.07822670603059771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882620658554333,0.07060478464044195,0.17576439084730758,0.0,0.2182748500171029,0.0,0.08960526022654981,0.08410936972999733,0.0,0.16245374384797706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302295875882074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002161988504901,0.0,0.16853430936100913,0.0,0.093032398580252,0.06340363666733989,0.0,0.0,0.17669840317452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538266833391599,0.1208266077157152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506968654249677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509101343920822,0.0,0.07607602524550283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985333111732551,0.0,0.0844880708679929,0.0,0.0,0.10177519089947873,0.16334321610471492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783638997649039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039167157008684,0.0,0.07231393067280238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949158658161289,0.0,0.13460871389796925,0.061152343466963785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597246478329679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050898240851081834,0.0,0.0,0.0926374651108757,0.27389385240775765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786124254885006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740944442784752,0.06305118658679362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167702847180073,0.0,0.0,0.07657175359609934,0.0,0.2891452915866318,0.08066930637875594,0.0,0.0,0.08684884992791785,0.0,0.05115303341554589
suicidewatch,acoverover,2019/04/01,"It's all too much I'm running out of people to speak to about my problems. I am simply too much for them, which is understandable. I am a lot to deal with. I told two of my friends that they don't know what they're getting into before we really became close and they still decided to get to know me. Curse my luck. I wish they had listened because now it just makes me feel awful to see us growing away. I isolate for a reason. This is only a very, very minor spot on my map of issues. I've come to an impasse. My most recent problem now is not having a reliable way to kill myself. I simply can't stand this visceral burning hell anymore. Thank you.",1.9185555555555531,3.6948770962962953,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000004,78.03703703703705,5.981481481481483,23.10185185185185,6.816661863887847,0.7165185185185186,508,16,105,5,12,171,95,135,0.162,0.747,0.091,-0.9058,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,2,1,4,0,7,7,2,0,5,1,9,0,0,2,1,23,23,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,2,4,21,3,19,21,5,15,1,0,1,0,12,6,1,3,4,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755329932192002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629406236871547,0.0,0.0,0.10789543931198772,0.0,0.15061100705499122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246683464266514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824756462197052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949476160056144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674707678266185,0.0,0.18494675894802529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847383878055398,0.0,0.0,0.19582043159279425,0.0,0.19454532345329725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047611678879594,0.0,0.0,0.11814655537934585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602256239046273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346138336481313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270710505633455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387235425962442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338850668955187,0.1819819072633864,0.17476271621832118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104331525386687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134965414834502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629546207335031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691277654318253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289988711619586,0.18425962548692404,0.21290502754313326,0.0,0.0,0.29208134073950776,0.0,0.1404916036785827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035372696376674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,keiijo,2019/04/01,"im just tired and frustrated the majority of my family is dead, my mom, uncle, grandpa, aunt all from ods. Great grandpa, great uncle from lung cancer, Great grandma on my dads side from alzheimers, my dad is a hard meth addict and the family that is alive im very very distant from. I have been raised by my great grandma on my moms side, she is pretty much the only person i really care about, but i feel like i have let her down entirely. I used to be a straight A student, had plenty of friends, played basketball and pretty much loved life. But now all i do is go to school and sleep, i also get in trouble in school a lot. I just feel like ive been dealt such a great hand in life but i keep throwing it away and fucking up, everything i could ever want my grandma has given me and i give nothing in return, i make plans to help her in any way possible but i never go through with it. I dont know what i will do when she passes away, every night i think about her funeral and how hopeless ill feel when that day finally comes, i have no goal in life, no motivation, no self esteem and im socially awkward as a motherfucker. im scared of the future. im scared of trying to find a relationship because the one time i tried it took me 9 months to build up enough courage to ask her out, and in that time i got attached because of the lack of a real mother figure in my life, and when i got rejected it actually hurt. ive always hid my emotions from people and that used to cause these crazy ass outbursts  where i would try to hurt my friends over the smallest things, like this one time i threw a knife at someone for not playing fair in a game.    Im sorry for this long jumbled mess of a post but i just had to vent. I have never came this close to really attempting suicide",4.750149031296573,4.719176950819673,5.664302036761054,84.08351713859913,69.10928961748634,8.731048186785893,28.658221559860905,8.438071523408619,1.807884153005464,1388,44,298,19,22,458,194,366,0.203,0.63,0.16699999999999998,-0.9287,0,1,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,4,14,26,2,3,18,0,24,14,4,6,5,50,49,22,4,4,9,8,5,3,2,2,8,0,0,2,14,16,0,1,8,3,0,8,7,11,0,2,10,5,44,15,49,34,8,51,0,4,0,3,25,24,2,1,20,190,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.07055538048167617,0.0788188000398856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578191114624376,0.06016025292546795,0.0,0.0,0.04916718301849006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759170767946522,0.0,0.13585840452636433,0.0,0.0,0.0881480795633957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269312267373374,0.07371572365948606,0.07427307904628037,0.0,0.062280939567792876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772649315348832,0.0,0.0,0.046628186174595916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847362743954947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132893277345464,0.0,0.07470629630370633,0.0,0.0,0.06540042535063101,0.060916740194504215,0.0,0.06497950814187761,0.0,0.1363179620927958,0.0,0.1096727268971359,0.10330374751251258,0.0,0.07920224965142461,0.06608183602582844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171920037736573,0.06684114169227616,0.03777430660345665,0.0693577407872382,0.08218068858717599,0.0,0.11565148481862822,0.3985607309362088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476752587135537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048461859631734064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479950638391132,0.0,0.4685851474650422,0.0,0.0,0.06426448182272176,0.0,0.0,0.03973475792813812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393270669769493,0.2042734364920817,0.1059679007107676,0.0,0.0,0.06398414067745453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061467754335450826,0.06525450678939823,0.0,0.04826150220124562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169356196408827,0.05770999623967148,0.0,0.1062991593836108,0.0,0.11152603061550992,0.0,0.0,0.06784962341736223,0.0,0.0693747929257105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798610478433403,0.05498819502665867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050124434028315686,0.06313047486597367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815085533837597,0.06924440555171893,0.14711229030433354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229440639093134,0.09263578862072212,0.0,0.0,0.07762425354146972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477189784111658,0.14634501450925252,0.0,0.0,0.07542574763730353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235324981088134,0.07370179996408878,0.06126043221808099,0.0,0.0,0.08093508916201632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908559721297398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803359490439197,0.04632758375569472,0.0,0.0,0.12647794458346562,0.08309940366907974,0.0,0.0,0.08032911003862422,0.1472629701327569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488976043479115,0.0,0.11931185148633465,0.04264502362047146,0.05738919614219892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051360580752322194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tedAldrin10,2019/04/01,"Guy whom i considered my best friend told me to go kill myself if i had the guts I've been suicidal for around two years now. Used to self harm daily at a time.
So yesterday, two of my friends accused me of being selfish- that only my problems meant everything to me and I didn't care about others. The guy who I thought to be my best friend told me I had a very low EQ. Maybe what they're saying is true. Maybe I do whine around a lot and I'm a boring sad person who trivialises other people's problems. But deep down I just try to help everyone. I try to care for others more than me.
Anyway, I told them that the reason all this happens is because I'm severely depressed(I'm on medication) and suicidal and that I used to cut myself. So my best friend just told me that I've been whining about that for a long time. He told me to go ahead and kill myself. He told me I didn't have the guts. He also said not to do it at his home because he would be in trouble then. 
I don't know what to do. Should I attempt it?",1.870640826873384,3.354503446511629,3.447868217054268,91.61743540051684,77.32558139534882,6.452196382428943,22.17700258397933,7.1686216300943375,0.5368087855297166,791,22,179,9,18,262,113,215,0.24,0.637,0.123,-0.978,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,1,5,11,23,3,0,9,0,18,3,2,3,2,25,37,11,4,5,5,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,1,4,16,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,13,0,2,15,2,31,10,26,17,6,19,0,4,0,0,26,9,0,2,8,124,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761867257993536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696195301393229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161504111283156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29993736838975993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942665490179573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103378054431473,0.08562179259012401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944189168732883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828733664405717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866292530285336,0.08424621789566428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385692062888765,0.0,0.0955627515175034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21080245635832184,0.0,0.05235744774357907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431022300415994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099444676003655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142138511121867,0.0,0.0,0.09597367221096972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245650150502682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604765127952518,0.08318536996753334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231947050899167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979525802079425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062280300232718,0.07576187275093223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938652822756856,0.10762705183009627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841803193248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563308424448406,0.11110444557080816,0.0,0.0,0.5462026832658884,0.0,0.12936303403407282,0.0,0.18612828401871345,0.0,0.0,0.16456395978298302,0.0,0.07860704777267215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767648937695661,0.0,0.0,0.061350225959842485
suicidewatch,Rebel90x,2019/04/01,"Rant Ok so this might piss people off, but here we go. 

I FUCKING HATE how people living in FIRST WORLD COUNTRIES WANT TO KILL THEMSELVES. 

Are we this spoiled?

People kill themselves more in the first world where they can eat, drink, have fun than in the third world where they starve everyday. 

Does nobody REALIZE how lucky they are?

Does nobody REALIZE how spoiled they are? 

Tonight, 13% of the people on this planet went to sleep starving and dehydrated. 

Think about that before you kill your entitled fucking ass. 


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suicidewatch,AnimeQueenz,2019/04/01,"So done rn Honestly, I'm just feeling heavily depressed and need a hug or some company or to not feel alone for five fucking minutes. I don't think I'm asking for a lot you know.
I've been so heavily depressed the past couple of days I feel physically weighted down, and I'm struggling to carry it on my own.
My mother told me a couple of weeks ago when I reached out for help on social media because I was planning suicide, she told me she was ashamed of me because extendes family members saw it and it made her look bad. My flatmate that I just moved away from a week ago told me my life wasn't worth living and bullied me about my mental health. Not to mention that the only advice my family gives me is, get a new job, more hours and more money and a licence and you'll be happy....
I'm so fucking done...and the only reason I'm still here is because I care more about not wanting to hurt and burden anyone after I'm gone than my own suffering...
I'm done...",4.7075963149078754,4.693468834170858,5.998103015075376,81.59588149078726,69.20100502512562,8.442378559463988,30.653685092127304,8.07648339933343,2.08366298157454,754,28,153,9,12,255,113,199,0.141,0.764,0.095,-0.9097,2,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,0,1,10,14,2,2,9,0,11,6,0,2,0,27,38,14,1,2,7,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,6,0,2,2,5,10,0,1,12,6,24,4,20,24,7,18,0,4,2,3,14,5,2,4,11,97,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261375343538095,0.2043112566520811,0.0,0.0,0.1193565978401121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058031866943012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773629207510614,0.0,0.1082742340252862,0.0,0.09622277310626846,0.2107524925410383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749753050134855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502753175868365,0.0,0.07432195541591377,0.0,0.19851659760893234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537996315968887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728096956447376,0.0,0.17481039232942586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307988838342048,0.060209511919181835,0.11055122108408487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267791076236426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249751491838995,0.0,0.0,0.0772446982482956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134907657730676,0.0,0.12336960705259753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436051704491003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333432950060061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139926986850866,0.0,0.0,0.10176134384423002,0.0,0.096774775293009,0.0,0.0,0.09797515348612652,0.0,0.10904535246693137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613745451265547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248466590965028,0.0,0.08545094169124083,0.0,0.11130203946991582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529440943167093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001211972810462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848860587526723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747533713820404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203290433014512,0.0,0.0,0.12047660714469152,0.0,0.12605672045862082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384281690746236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33035778296046114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797308246911958,0.0,0.18488135513132775,0.14033446329566598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mechanical26,2019/04/01,"I know I'm young, but I'm just so tired of this. I'm afraid (for the sake of my family) that I won't be strong enough when the time comes. For most of my life, I've had depression. The suicidal thoughts kicked in when I was about 10, but I kept them to myself for several years. In August of 2017, things got out of hand and I was hospitalized. I went there three times within about six months, my stay ranging from seven to thirty days. I was also placed into residential treatment for youth during the 2017 - 2018 period on two separate occasions. Combined, I spent about ten months in treatment without going home.
Now, I'll admit that it did help me towards the end, but it wasn't the real world. I lived in a house with at most 15 other teens, so it was a pretty isolated community. I've been back home for almost a year now, and I feel myself spiraling down again. I want to live for my mother, but nothing good ever sticks. After countless hours of therapy, literally dozens of different meds, and certain experimental treatments, I'm still in pain, still suffering...
Anyway, I've done my research, and I found what seems to be the most accessible pain-free option, and I'm scared. Just imagining my mom finding me afterwards breaks my heart, and I can't do that to her. But I also know I can't go on like this much longer. I feel stuck. The only thing I haven't had is a close friend, and I think that's where my last chance lies. Before it's too late, I need to find a real friend who will be there for me, and I for them. I just don't know where to look /:",4.31190476190476,4.999466920634919,5.169206349206352,84.71857142857145,70.26984126984127,8.53968253968254,24.841269841269842,8.704169506293173,1.4493174603174608,1220,31,259,20,21,398,178,315,0.141,0.767,0.092,-0.9595,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,2,1,25,11,0,2,13,0,21,5,2,1,2,48,47,19,1,2,9,2,3,1,2,2,3,1,2,0,15,13,0,1,13,0,1,4,7,5,0,6,17,5,37,6,42,25,5,50,0,2,1,0,10,18,0,6,27,174,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225298611500224,0.0,0.0,0.1792943024352358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619877058984933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538971780026166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656510911684398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229588887253738,0.0,0.09655245075142738,0.0,0.0,0.1171217142851248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471827181230004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928823704696972,0.11583032793572755,0.0,0.0,0.10140179730906873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567887202270028,0.0,0.11336329555996205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491661656868776,0.0,0.0,0.1229129905631611,0.17321795158764314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741919463305318,0.09402502329793937,0.08965743234235883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284025737269542,0.07513895576751359,0.0,0.2248929415505597,0.0,0.11039693108817253,0.12934953480168845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482337911194172,0.09137729936470326,0.12645484183494773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918027096821145,0.054766899611288736,0.0,0.19797452219636455,0.0,0.09413662976297424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451897022214872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129136858982995,0.1789559413422324,0.0,0.08240715374672478,0.08312149148918707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756395929990137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525788290505339,0.23856679401167535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171217142851248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404704604852375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551910227428769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223268474348286,0.0,0.0,0.10205256524642203,0.0,0.1266422528240596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948477983447392,0.17904805079023448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122620329388718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281972946860721,0.0,0.14894988307515886,0.07182981200241592,0.0,0.08899569405537605,0.13073402129482695,0.1288436404225191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950641498392696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612009047677811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391877561576418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806139020787446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443787727101324
suicidewatch,PeeB4uGoToBed,2019/04/01,"Friend threatening to kill himself what can i do from 600 miles away? My work/life/financial situation doesn't allow me to really leave my own city let alone go out of state. Nothing I say to him gets through to him and he's just about given up. He's quit his job, he quit going to the gym and doing his MMA and told me he tried overdosing last week on his depression medication and wants to try again this week. No matter what I say to him he just keeps calling himself fat, lazy and depressed.

Is there anything I can do at all? I can't force him to seek help if he doesn't want it. It feels like living with my alcoholic ex roommate. No matter what I did I couldn't so much as slow down his drinking to at least be a normally functioning human being. I tried so hard to help him and so did many others and no one ever got through to him, in the end it just feels like if they want the help they'll take it and of they don't they'll do anything they can to avoid it",5.349645232815966,4.41005785365854,5.895742793791577,85.9864079822617,68.02439024390246,9.405764966740575,28.392461197339244,8.575989854853784,1.6588048780487803,760,20,175,10,11,247,117,205,0.16699999999999998,0.747,0.085,-0.9406,1,2,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,2,10,7,1,1,4,0,20,4,1,1,2,29,33,14,1,7,5,1,3,2,1,2,3,2,0,1,10,10,3,2,2,2,0,2,8,4,0,1,5,5,30,3,28,22,4,19,0,2,0,0,33,9,0,2,9,117,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196760712072973,0.0,0.1375841607128694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186351540399824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248093518479248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564644763259226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288330931331255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013450306394672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765850694813755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016311728446415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343377271569014,0.18980458095982325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263333384988776,0.0,0.06940441763788431,0.0,0.15099424305385767,0.0,0.10624581460959233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190002628542408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712340591964273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182510260045266,0.11807599759616125,0.14696989656484227,0.0,0.0,0.10828389074043004,0.0,0.14066040692042875,0.0,0.13583985820341896,0.09383017302907236,0.1297996989390484,0.0,0.11730184454970186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468085124949022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338242534879975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976540923684492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015687149996555,0.12746540002185375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001711944778752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825874564596926,0.0,0.0,0.0851019322358525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128244507429214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931987809910133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988058755323684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693614241157125,0.0,0.2705728205413006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350608095023352,0.0,0.2131155423119238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671049611776218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beginning_Cancel,2019/04/01,"Does inpatient care hurt insurance? Hitting crisis. Going to reach out to a counselor, but I need to check in somewhere. I have amazing insurance (in the US) but don't want it to haunt me the rest of my life. What happens next? I'll go in the morning, just want to know what I need to prepare for.",1.625,3.779896833333332,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.66666666666666,6.0,26.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.310166666666667,230,10,48,3,6,75,43,60,0.172,0.7,0.127,-0.2444,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,12,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,12,11,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943850994574983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526743938164252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281900927266861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553278612247412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090973392142448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868148725810274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394243226868194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281874497477051,0.0,0.0,0.30707349448120824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473132719469554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34060737375029065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,savage_sheep_toucher,2019/04/01,"I get bullied and fail all my tests should i end myself? I(15m) feel like ive never achieved anything in my life all the people in my new school are fake and always bullies me, i fail basically all my exams and i cant my life going anywhere and i think suicide is the best option",0.426828087167074,2.7133673728813577,2.4971428571428578,92.1715254237288,87.13559322033899,4.049394673123486,20.292978208232448,5.288315135182226,-0.14845472154963654,221,7,46,1,7,74,41,59,0.269,0.634,0.097,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,4,12,9,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,13,2,2,8,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,30,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454613125922617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275757055365585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095813747105583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26127997052548113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915945434989614,0.21074606760326955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412386800690778,0.0,0.16765371411698746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167305106845042,0.14412073717695478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275200363353101,0.28491014614413185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045139235830248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29855292827041663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226790705665656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902230234950956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayu48290,2019/04/01,"I’m gay that’s about it (using a throwaway account because I don’t want to post on my regular)
The title says it all, soon I’ll just become another statistic another number. I wish I had someone I could talk to nothing special just someone that could listen without spouting the same “it gets better” bullshit. ",5.82279661016949,7.008243101694918,6.5625000000000036,74.28408898305086,67.13559322033898,7.933898305084746,38.478813559322035,8.07648339933343,3.4912000000000014,249,14,39,3,4,82,45,59,0.104,0.755,0.141,0.0366,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,1,10,10,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820389988488348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011543433212698,0.2538530923367083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032851084824985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36703568362391614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008800197471645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205488602958474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22013434681742008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827872601257516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38950511957266215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474605214682255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985180291349497,0.0,0.0,0.1355724602573745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26431805755563986,0.2215687913261241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,istillloveyou_,2019/04/01,"life is still unbearable without you, 1 year and 8 months later. i wish i would’ve succeeded when i tried to kill myself last february, i have not enjoyed anything in years. i’ll spend a lifetime aching, maybe in the next life when i kill myself i’ll get to be your angel again.",6.406904761904763,5.713577785714289,6.440000000000001,82.13833333333334,65.78571428571429,9.609523809523813,31.16666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.276245238095238,220,7,45,3,3,70,43,56,0.256,0.652,0.092,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,5,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,5,4,0,12,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,10,25,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078592291819727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747657266016973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398854809518394,0.0,0.0,0.198887329304001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446797560427297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451243414108296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475334401482852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259489935438082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948535844588128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565562150793567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28058057020950794,0.23520109971233735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332603541537378,0.0,0.0,0.31424772577158844
suicidewatch,-BPet-,2019/04/01,"""I honestly dont care if bri dies"" my ex telling my friends talking about my recent suicide attempt while I was at the hospital It still fucking hurts",12.722068965517245,7.712116379310348,11.182068965517242,66.54482758620689,57.620689655172406,14.358620689655172,56.58620689655172,11.20814326018867,6.4055241379310335,121,8,22,2,1,38,26,29,0.272,0.57,0.158,-0.662,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,3,0,4,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175782400975357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32327074960009045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650564026102474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406514192605507,0.28796152423054266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33344958419222925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075524295017343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487511666289608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407124495714943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250358679950094,0.27225035324953656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xRabidDonutz,2019/04/01,"For once I'm scared to die I went to the hospital this morning for stomach pain and vomiting blood, and after an MRI they told me I have a mass on my kidney that is very likely cancerous.

For once I'm scared to die. 

I used to think about dying naturally, in a way out of my control. Something that would be relatively easier on my family and friends than suicide.

Now that exact chance is here, and I'm scared. I don't want to die from cancer.

I just spent about an hour with a suicide hotline, talking about this exact issue. They had great advice, but it didn't ease my fear of dying from cancer.

This seems out of place here, I guess. I'm not considering suicide right now. I just don't know where else to go.",2.737045977011494,4.377882193103448,4.096293103448279,87.215933908046,75.34482758620689,7.040229885057474,23.117816091954023,7.793537801064563,1.005540229885058,558,16,117,8,12,184,87,145,0.248,0.6809999999999999,0.071,-0.9803,0,0,1,0,0,4,17.0,0,0,2,1,10,8,0,4,6,0,9,9,3,2,2,21,23,5,8,2,4,0,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,5,0,14,3,25,16,0,16,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,5,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485891529072098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183132000481818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6099408106100246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981897480113956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080643223481593,0.1322653941500748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081126078979594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680079984431248,0.0,0.0,0.12958847666422288,0.12948377311728673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157534124789447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268142257664992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459701559701847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057424200640461866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035293682592324,0.0,0.0,0.12507105151753373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280448351466562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037868176323164,0.0,0.0,0.35303471181700913,0.0,0.0,0.10700417632142943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904881823173895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857096776005487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944743540087818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531500898661746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231469055704343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151698693250512,0.0,0.09698296822785064,0.06932825061949226,0.09329793338624437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089609355947684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349718002384582,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nana_knows,2019/04/01,"I think I'm just paranoid I feel like everyone's given up on me. My parents stopped asking me about how I'm doing in school and how my life is going but they're really interested in my brothers lives. It feels like my friends dont really invite me out anymore but they go places without me. The professors I was really close with don't answer my emails anymore and it's like they don't want to meet with me to help me anymore. I think I used to feed off of everyone else's energy but I'm so alone now I've fallen back into my old bad habits and mindset. 

I barely had dreams for myself so I went off of what other people had decided for me and latched on to their ideas. Now that they seem distant I realized I haven't been thinking for myself. I've had this urge to own a gun just to shoot myself with it. The sleeping pills I have aren't strong enough to keep me asleep and taking them with beer didn't kill me so either the beer isn't strong enough or the pills aren't. Part of me is kinda scared to die too. I don't know what to do because I hate that conflict.

I might just be overreacting and people are just getting busy but I'm having a hard time seeing it any other way than them slowly trying to leave me. I think I'm being too dependent/selfish ",2.3307650085763285,3.8866342566037737,3.8020668953687853,89.25792024013725,76.24528301886792,6.6295025728988,21.856775300171527,7.348242739294969,0.6470754716981131,998,26,214,12,22,330,140,265,0.17800000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.109,-0.9472,1,1,2,2,0,1,13.0,0,0,6,2,15,11,2,1,6,0,24,8,2,3,0,45,49,16,2,1,11,2,3,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,11,13,3,3,12,3,0,4,10,4,0,0,8,4,40,7,32,38,5,22,0,0,1,0,13,11,0,4,9,143,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600375755794074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273342382962745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36196406417332616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373629839054415,0.0,0.0,0.09354954138976136,0.10158157314668652,0.07416321190847534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262645620819746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258539279481722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016318740928215,0.0,0.0,0.2514159768930393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325039572999593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303057500120848,0.17382880615567134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399472765453876,0.0,0.06356267587912849,0.0,0.13828511869261573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089840588649564,0.1201147187777992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154657896459852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373400817126648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081375886397876,0.1345994998197478,0.0,0.06686151954648341,0.0,0.0,0.1288210773665398,0.0,0.0,0.0859325253191661,0.1783117661742553,0.0,0.1074285957421067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290627392334854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766240193973294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508977043614706,0.13174664398421335,0.0,0.16868837261330644,0.0,0.12710950032327184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338168110689133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218035491092129,0.1231270876978422,0.09694779820303527,0.11075529976962016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217485264470698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171376318455697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147367890020147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118209656567925,0.0,0.0,0.07094131187997806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259960522734124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507575223647142,0.0,0.0,0.07175861208257789,0.09656857269794376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278065492253153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727653917464505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Merlot_Orchid,2019/04/01,"I think I found the source of my suicidal thoughts and I don't know if I can stop it. Expectations.

I expect the people that I love to love me with as much intensity. I expect people that I love to have respect for me. I expect the people that I love to have my best interest in mind. 

When they don't meet my expectations i guess is when i feel ending it. I get disappointed knowing that they don't love me or respect me as much as I do them. It makes me feel like I am not doing enough or it makes me feel like I'll never do enough. It makes me want to just end it. Not out of spite or anything just because I legitimately feel worthless.

I don't know. I know ending it isn't the answer, but I dont know if giving up on everyone is the answer either.",0.7152251552795015,2.623521186335405,3.212635869565218,89.95199728260872,82.47826086956522,6.0125776397515525,19.379270186335408,7.1686216300943375,0.2760214285714291,585,15,133,8,16,203,72,161,0.07,0.7490000000000001,0.181,0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,4,14,1,0,5,0,15,5,0,3,1,41,39,12,1,8,11,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,14,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,4,32,11,15,37,6,11,0,2,0,5,10,4,0,6,9,98,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851604144081627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729777431059307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563452283169566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030622323747075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31809844296807555,0.2473971946774605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143937380158805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24212796251849156,0.17105022333302558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126238005480026,0.0,0.0,0.06254665233697182,0.11484246542066845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188063596866414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289638266447448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697435003838688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402416770244001,0.0,0.23973401532922525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087900078620545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601002277751027,0.0,0.09233233500032603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489879362976569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008791001636476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309498386209695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670915856107932,0.0,0.09504110641856524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061157983102463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PaperMoon18,2019/04/01,"Maybe I Should Get it Over With... For a while I’ve been super depressed and anxious. I take care of my Grandmother full time, and it gets super difficult because she is at the end stages of dementia. For a long time I’ve been having suicidal thoughts just about everyday for months now. I hate myself, I have my life. Nothing goes right and I can’t seem to do anything right. That and all my friends are gone, either because I don’t work at a theme park anymore, or we grew apart because I am practically a hermit. I can’t seem to bring myself to get out of the house, talk on the phone or do anything social. This is even hard.

I’m trying to find a way to see a therapist, but not only can I not find someone I can afford, but my patents don’t want to stay with grandma so that I can go. The thing that hurts is that I confided in my Mom that I was depressed and had “dark thoughts”. She told me to get over it and to not tell her again, she couldn’t handle it. Now we had a bit if an argument because I have been cleaning the house all week, and then she wanted me to go to the grocery store today. She called me lazy and disgusting and I walked away crying. I overheard her whisper, “I wish you would die already. God, I wish I could to... I’m just to afraid to do it...",2.6486603773584925,3.7549246113207566,3.782028301886793,91.54700471698116,74.58490566037736,6.809433962264151,25.325471698113212,7.1686216300943375,0.8973811320754725,982,32,222,10,20,319,141,265,0.152,0.777,0.071,-0.9743,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,0,3,8,11,2,1,14,0,28,1,0,0,2,41,51,17,2,9,11,1,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,12,14,0,0,6,0,1,6,8,7,0,0,10,3,39,4,30,37,5,34,0,3,1,0,18,12,0,5,13,153,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583330057390255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881976376724594,0.11308564540107499,0.0,0.0,0.1876715021413568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713354238680994,0.0,0.0,0.2780428947666125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448960403939995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643586183168007,0.0,0.11625966951077164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104248975485356,0.0,0.12525496813932804,0.0,0.0,0.19642518384803348,0.0,0.11834359463502032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099541784862376,0.0,0.0,0.07531475799442047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208439991785638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809814696982089,0.0,0.2383007686122767,0.0,0.12961006446123702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214715096085412,0.11257955006813923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631471905305691,0.12206988251079992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054171158280057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091164652270668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455696867435107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354881731231472,0.09101647188982988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941343444145134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672382313336384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947594556380772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908659622471827,0.20761455286411293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162377099593368,0.09661598978069068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153922382794295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124728686616633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573525142004093,0.091651800139744,0.09966594714820813,0.0,0.0,0.13239589337077398,0.07575547782444206,0.0,0.0,0.18105180583675806,0.13298188688208665,0.0,0.10808569816154784,0.1089591316044826,0.0,0.07741787590163961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451394373599312,0.09051052673376704,0.09146679574693303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622543269846159,0.0,0.0,0.08301411618342576,0.0,0.0,0.08100258462806098,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anotherthrowwwawway,2019/04/02,"I'm on a downward spiral. I was diagnosed with GAD 13 months ago. I refused to take medication because I didnt want to be apathetic to be happy. Unfortunately I've reached a point in my life, where I can see myself veering uncontrollably off course. I also often find myself completely zoned out, no matter what the situation. I fall asleep crying almost every night and I've just been completely devoured by suicidal thoughts. It's so painful and every night feels like the night I'm going to do it. I'm not lonely or in need of friends, I have those, I'm just so sad and filled with a callous disregard for myself. I get so sad watching people squabble over petty things, and then sad with myself when I become self aware of how egotistical I am, how I think I'm above these issue. I'm just lost and I feel like tonight's the night for real.",4.481147704590819,5.7334026586826345,5.665044910179643,79.23413423153694,70.31736526946108,8.201397205588822,28.28792415169661,8.59863814320734,2.0840223552894206,672,24,128,11,12,224,107,167,0.249,0.659,0.092,-0.9804,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,12,11,0,1,6,0,9,5,1,2,0,29,26,14,1,2,5,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,6,9,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,5,4,17,4,18,19,0,21,0,5,2,0,3,9,0,3,11,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520377879253702,0.0,0.14143489284316285,0.0,0.0,0.11295232015626593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610068411785407,0.15599227179936592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29618209873664186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514927586994998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335910857217535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380073635616409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283384446846534,0.20180866961187727,0.0,0.0,0.12909393642536893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912432385634444,0.0,0.07379386270794666,0.0,0.08027189637799519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503562579322542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474214450055922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976441186347107,0.13800881109637864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418388901296098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422878964335011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127391584997813,0.0,0.0,0.10473021385545002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301895648603161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029296820848112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792041034210752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352069551544987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607659457682446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125527270758223,0.0,0.1473477018180945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876353349008965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544973879778941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619748160049956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938358589862102,0.09050308695661932,0.0,0.11213150658931817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330903466374266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rainbowslayer13,2019/04/02,I feel so alone I'm 26 yr old people would say attractive... I have lived in the same city my whole life.. haven't moved jobs that much at all and only have one boyfriend 7 years recently broken up. And I have zero friends. A couple close work friends but we don't talk personal things that much or hang out outside of work. I have been so good at faking it when I'm out at work but as soon as I'm in my car going home I immediately just feel heavy and sad. Go home to my two cats and my weed. That's all I really do. I've tried to see a counsellor and tonight I even called the hotline and was placed on hold. I called my ex because he was all I had we were each others onlys and I thought I could always count on him but he doesn't even want me anymore. I'm just so fucking sad and lonely I want to end my life and give up.,0.25192142418661945,2.047447933701662,2.0222744014732967,98.47391497851444,83.47513812154696,5.348189073050952,18.342848373235114,6.42735559955562,-0.3680205033763047,640,15,160,6,18,210,108,181,0.126,0.8220000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.904,1,3,0,0,0,1,14.0,2,0,0,3,9,9,1,0,4,0,15,3,0,0,3,33,29,19,0,4,6,1,2,0,2,1,2,1,2,1,6,15,0,1,3,0,0,5,3,5,0,3,6,4,22,4,18,21,8,26,0,3,1,1,14,14,1,1,7,98,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867928658693474,0.0,0.0,0.1194489390007809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236760308953733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875095604389211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931706230945428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461667835676555,0.15884045024767407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714677898454266,0.0,0.0,0.1896329376713675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517105262633714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181987777918202,0.1327139276930017,0.0,0.13771066685491912,0.16317079102465226,0.1204067995549573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879939656999417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245580383186834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202793738959607,0.0,0.0,0.12676135445110032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257583639976807,0.21105831820185034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506364192008006,0.0,0.09727632185829116,0.10917975297809646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995226943296694,0.12534635202911035,0.1499840178797495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919647618333197,0.0,0.14174286304312791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416039113523713,0.0,0.0,0.11439444150205835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538376120558122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537130694631814,0.0,0.0,0.11396632853176665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746415992329747,0.0,0.14023199884961512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934446174750467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027360021204104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135284067676643,0.0,0.0,0.10197707920093647,0.0,0.0,0.09244446497297833
suicidewatch,rew0323,2019/04/02,"dont want to die permanently im at a loss. ive struggled with my depression & anxiety for almost 6 years and tonight is one of the worst episodes ive had. i want to die, but not permanently if that makes sense. i just wish i could take the pain away but i dont want to leave forever. its more about my family than anything, because ive never told them about my problems so it would be too much for them. i have contemplated and planned out committing suicide more times than i can count but i just cant ever bring myself to do it. ",2.6007207207207235,4.101283846846851,3.996576576576576,88.37612612612612,75.39639639639641,7.816216216216216,25.84684684684685,8.515128840125781,1.5652414414414415,421,15,94,8,9,139,75,111,0.235,0.677,0.08900000000000001,-0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,2,2,7,6,0,1,3,0,14,1,0,1,3,23,22,7,3,8,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,16,0,15,17,4,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731664500770737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737178443186767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229253115134984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230832757961676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247533664715286,0.0,0.0,0.10541776161579654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807215595193434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489461057698459,0.0,0.35895229355780955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053501071687273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642692349811474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302492922167927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679626985575806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831100524836365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154334742054626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271249413414829,0.0,0.1333758440072015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171832204056865,0.0,0.1840118746727448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547259965186362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078610742579013,0.0,0.18915957501363925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002336641408818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083805854720222,0.0,0.0,0.165243967424336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30599937898066404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988633023547068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284595387703748,0.0,0.0,0.11136255881462444
suicidewatch,BeautifulxSoul,2019/04/02,"Wtf do I do So my life is a disaster..I lost my kids and turned into a raging drug addict..I spent the last month in jail and am clean now but Im gonna be homeless again friday,I have no food no job.. everything just seems so hopeless..I want to give up but last time I ended up surviving and having to have months of dialysis.. just nothing seems like the right answer..i hate myself for creating this mess",-0.0008342245989325647,2.2986393764705886,2.138930481283424,93.49064171122996,90.52941176470587,5.44385026737968,17.139037433155078,6.980632752743323,0.12147058823529465,317,8,69,5,11,106,63,85,0.237,0.6629999999999999,0.1,-0.9163,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,0,11,17,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,8,13,0,13,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,9,39,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22437650521407487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868832981816174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822973183942557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849796614516587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488809399412591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974433444750372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203206744628893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223232226537812,0.0,0.2042467079044516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355450178537122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537825926355313,0.1005542975970289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246791713849258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32857052544880844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749188745253626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757709767979849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747454790818113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001654079964275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238753771474212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139922657907733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LyitHostage,2019/04/02,"I am a terrible person Since i was 14, i started losing all of my friends. I know why. I am a disgusting and terrible person. I am no good.
Nowadays i only have 1 friend which i talk to over the internet and today she told me i am selfish. She is not wrong. I am indeed selfish. 
I dont have any friends at school, and dont even ask me about girlfriends. 
My mom loves me and i love her, i guess thats the only reason i try to keep going. Also, i believe in Heaven and Hell and just cant kill myself since i dont want to go to Hell. 
I am ugly, fat, selfish, i have barely any talent (i can draw, but nothing good enough) and people say i'm weird.
I love videogames and wish i could be a game designer, but it really seems i'm not living this long...
I dont know why im typing this, i just wish i could end everything without going to hell..",0.5216509587260347,2.178428204419891,3.1004744881377952,91.79729606759831,81.87292817679558,5.805784855378615,20.591810204744878,6.794906146795322,0.3056854728631784,639,18,146,7,17,223,101,181,0.147,0.6459999999999999,0.208,0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,1,5,23,5,0,5,0,20,4,1,1,1,27,39,11,1,5,7,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,5,8,1,1,4,1,0,3,9,13,0,0,2,1,33,10,11,34,2,10,4,1,0,3,18,3,3,2,4,93,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507353421507416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468662423149534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945267767838248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985592559069445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987451609663634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987149858728814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942227512736597,0.10992089802009017,0.0,0.07026421456447147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560915533574092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465710811370497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137778613775812,0.178456112167865,0.0,0.0,0.1171916112956384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491066294876325,0.0,0.0,0.09455708423867984,0.11769576521014853,0.0,0.11692937517115674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393713051126733,0.09414459758140424,0.0,0.11901408880579074,0.0,0.0,0.2880413435430688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459314753635742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207626285407978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618163950535533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375178631185704,0.18577707189476286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815094294457642,0.10937826893521516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459912413940766,0.0,0.10766412077386096,0.0,0.09684604901891572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760003461846729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529762735124487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550570859852076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083756343658867,0.10165242517785192,0.0,0.07222629917872697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274677670264346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198616223252854,0.0,0.24466777551184915,0.10254831583952666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631186272272423,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LurzaTheHentaiLord,2019/04/02,"I feel tired Last year I fell into what I think was depression for about 3 months and was planning to end it on march 16th 2018. Plans changed and I met my girlfriend. She gave me the most beautiful year of my life and her friends became my best friends since I had none. Now fast forward to now her parents decided to move 4 hours away to a place with no internet and no connection to the outside world because in their shitty head they think the world is ending. I'm scared for the future, I'm not doing well in school and I don't have a job. The only thing I loved is gone and I have no one but my friends that all lost interest in me except for my best friend. I dont know what to do anymore the only reason I had to wake up in the morning is gone. I miss her smell her face the way she used to be so cute and small and how beautiful she was and how good i felt with her because for the first time of my life I felt like I was loved. I miss sleeping with her, waking up next to her was something I definitely took for granted because I miss it so much


I did like last year and set my next date to September 15th 

I plan my suicide months in advance to give myself the chance of reasoning myself or in case something good happens 

I'm tired and honestly feel like life gave me everything she could 

I'm not sure if I want to die but I'm sure I dont want to live anymore ",3.2768556701030964,3.9272163676975964,4.155290378006875,91.186337628866,72.6082474226804,7.469484536082475,26.233848797250857,7.554174236665415,1.0842892096219936,1077,34,248,12,20,347,145,291,0.128,0.645,0.226,0.9923,2,0,2,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,2,8,8,25,0,1,12,0,20,12,5,5,3,42,49,19,2,4,7,1,4,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,6,15,0,0,10,0,0,7,9,6,1,2,17,5,47,19,37,30,6,44,0,5,0,2,25,16,0,3,24,157,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903484060933153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016484346945264,0.0,0.0,0.1755031164323166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20142442841734245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152113580378246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662242519879814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265686712370343,0.0,0.0995993546759888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249469348235051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999785199997766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624960966912372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704833781929016,0.06855936706121138,0.1842881453303049,0.0,0.0,0.0816301039868862,0.0,0.0,0.29657772736769705,0.0,0.0,0.0920609934037999,0.0,0.16098636122762522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486394864896937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984905799318736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450888499259373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523316614765333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274135584584935,0.15645302077636775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335454207437184,0.1406549593112397,0.0,0.084741265745767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476011622389224,0.0,0.17322925028758618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320105651801375,0.1019985117287707,0.07054732535812852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412554385653292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503021900530552,0.14597556962430766,0.0,0.0,0.10656080959622256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026585446172943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19734162421619392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608044164162673,0.09712446846231663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938549978165148,0.0,0.0960370389516586,0.0,0.0,0.14776129761839368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497312283705207,0.0,0.18089690374007567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375669699535075,0.122984495577219,0.0,0.0,0.055959556399733205,0.2206015814876857,0.0,0.0,0.10662368158853887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288530797780101,0.0,0.0,0.11320850978327965,0.07617471889263845,0.0,0.0,0.0862865165119682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540021933946144
suicidewatch,bluamazeren,2019/04/02,"U/type1asugarnova is threatening suicide over on r/schizophrenia I'm trying to talk him/her out of it, I don't know how serious it is.",0.7850000000000001,3.3352992592592616,4.086944444444448,77.78375000000003,93.44444444444444,7.144444444444447,25.26851851851852,8.07648339933343,2.2621185185185197,108,5,21,3,4,39,24,27,0.29100000000000004,0.664,0.045,-0.8261,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404714568299634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6776532663434461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979459290054922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206127547816381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suhsunyun,2019/04/02,"I feel like I'm looking for attention? When I was younger I just used to think about dying a lot, and I think I was depressed but when I told my mom she basically said no you're fine? Now I've started to have more concrete suicidal thoughts but for some reason I feel like just having those thoughts is attention seeking. I only cut in places where no one can see (once in a visible spot but never again) and I've only ever told one person about it but I can't shake the feeling.  


Basically just wondering if anyone else has felt this way!",3.833600917431194,5.061564229357798,4.879713302752292,84.34507454128442,71.8440366972477,8.018807339449541,28.303899082568808,8.472884824447931,1.9396137614678897,427,16,87,7,8,140,74,109,0.173,0.746,0.081,-0.9061,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,1,1,3,0,8,0,0,2,2,27,25,9,2,1,8,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,12,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,8,7,11,3,8,17,3,13,0,1,2,0,6,4,0,4,9,57,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160739654552082,0.17009087497948305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297913605724166,0.0,0.1722861049417623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867517090041448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016026274908242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25181006696806435,0.2371868040043885,0.15939002240118905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220249056371022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940168157411062,0.0,0.0,0.1411307968124445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944220608244814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803263870840867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678900803231687,0.2249774242490116,0.2525072816891454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449484256795814,0.17343901052436705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067992001400722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790796664106818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228381946342962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749859582406745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158160277246108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127375200387171,0.0,0.26357751356537473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172481694487605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337429107697125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176637193825333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002442559485726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imscressed,2019/04/02,"Psychiatric Hospitals (in and out patient) are all different. They’re not something to completely fear. They’re there for a reason. — for any advice or questions, feel free to comment below! My best advice is to have an open mind, avoid drama, and self reflect. Healing can come in unexpected ways.

I self-admitted in-patient (twice) after self harm and a suicidal attempt, and left (2.5 weeks later) feeling more assure of myself.

Obviously, I still have a lot of work to do to keep myself stable, but I am grateful for my time spent there.",5.072959183673468,7.223263183673474,5.683418367346943,76.1339030612245,70.22448979591837,8.16530612244898,30.617346938775512,8.841846274778883,2.8326897959183683,424,18,69,8,8,137,72,98,0.08800000000000001,0.775,0.13699999999999998,0.5983,1,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,4,0,7,1,0,1,3,22,12,6,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,2,5,1,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,2,7,4,15,11,4,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,5,48,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510436717196337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221472379900733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849930362987152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547260648382413,0.18832734862379075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766386870146648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212157448276807,0.1816417625320928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965382748400953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951568224435481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270584883222071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813642218564304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012146489900175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467848728291367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621461012176486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827966112830878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434441516666717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964742877526131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473741934548816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257338673651446,0.14407971441748454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076494103302966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ESGandG,2019/04/02,"I can’t stop myself I want to stop cutting myself and be happy but I don’t think I can, I try my best not hurt myself but I can’t stop myself, every time I cut myself I regret it later but i am so incapable of communicating, I’d rather cut myself than talk to someone about my problems, I don’t feel like anybody actually cares. My dad passed away when I was little and I feel like nobody cares about me anymore. I know I have friends who really do care but I still feel lonely. I cut myself almost daily just to distract myself but it doesn’t work, I just want to be dead.",2.1365289256198348,3.621180710743804,4.244702479338844,86.18159917355374,76.60330578512395,6.162314049586778,20.36446280991736,6.742157984588678,0.3193596694214875,450,10,94,4,10,155,67,121,0.259,0.491,0.251,0.198,0,2,0,0,0,7,9.0,0,0,0,2,8,17,4,1,0,0,12,0,0,0,0,24,22,9,1,5,9,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,1,3,29,8,9,19,1,10,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,9,68,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.1599559436107153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413570573580746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625581597480214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540021409076286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201711894434474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013622514570146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810420400229165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24863879125062144,0.2341996924838137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266391733259602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448898225469722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547280551156658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900825798847381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601597254517868,0.16428440137489994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684309467399074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500719349673578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888338741208098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130901542997564,0.4111171085969775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317474725945067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502916041635027,0.0,0.0,0.09557928742725316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128651557443024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336087331526225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933098946400718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ky10-ren,2019/04/02,":( i don’t want to die most of the time, but seeing my ex and friends who are no longer in my life doing well without me makes me want to end it. i’m clinging onto my ex wanting me back, but even i know that’s a fragile thing to base my life off of. everything is sad. idk how much longer i can bear it. i think about suicide all the time.",0.12954285714285876,1.6644039733333358,1.9619047619047656,100.08000000000004,82.6,4.819047619047621,20.047619047619047,5.288315135182226,-0.492638095238096,258,7,66,1,7,85,55,75,0.222,0.67,0.109,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,1,13,13,4,2,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,11,2,10,13,3,7,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,4,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935971415725325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25558031636326395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811438907698055,0.0,0.0,0.16265324485369714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132374850373326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902608446448284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533875250859734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34788323255273906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643813085238938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103036703669886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623834690344127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26936985718042444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360504384148244,0.15779427682868175,0.0,0.0,0.2871938512999153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4357538285195274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141845456484024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373870743303635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JukeDriver,2019/04/02,"I think I decided on tomorrow Firstly: I’m aware my post history contains a lot of shitposting. This is a real post.

I think I decided on tomorrow. My pregnant GF is leaving me and I don’t want to live in a world where I don’t have access to her and our baby. I just don’t see the point. It’d be better if I just wasn’t there. Problem I’m having is she has an 8 yr and a 4 yr and I want to be courteous to her and the girls primarily. Anyone got ideas on how I should go about warning them so the girls don’t see me? Thanks. ",-1.050036319612591,0.8696852796610166,2.397142857142857,92.88847457627121,90.27118644067795,6.083292978208232,20.292978208232448,7.447530270364453,0.6691723970944312,405,14,98,8,14,147,70,118,0.049,0.838,0.113,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,7,3,0,0,8,0,15,0,0,1,0,21,26,8,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,19,2,10,20,1,13,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,2,3,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156153892944849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975126375867312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995996106771296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692063054459926,0.0,0.1786132439256536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521065163745491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23646871798460425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719989018365894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986275906267705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21111412125825726,0.0,0.4277668520622027,0.0,0.0,0.21369167323433866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541925147865064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35592190379330696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056074715026049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28619502917127176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634455067510434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KevinCrazzyGuy,2019/04/02,"I'm going to do it My parents hate me and when life opened opportunities for me today, they denied it because it'll consume my life. I'm going to kill myself.",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454593,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636367,78.0909090909091,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.7445030303030302,126,4,24,1,3,45,24,33,0.28300000000000003,0.652,0.065,-0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,7,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,15,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566629626441014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021325210904542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492930775115037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914147575079576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499782816502161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928404623188089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335350302279375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mawi96,2019/04/02,I need to talk Does anyone here speak French and would talk with me I'm not feeling good and I need to talk.,-0.7487499999999976,1.3252582916666709,0.3133333333333326,107.065,91.08333333333334,3.2,12.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.9944833333333327,85,1,22,0,3,26,17,24,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.4168,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343950594099698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671283451788101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154344734910641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560311470163853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526814258849684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7360507090393815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168424761201253,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deica_04,2019/04/02,"I would like to talk to someone, but it will not change anything. Has it not happened to you before, that you want to talk about what you feel but you're so discouraged, and you don't even want to remember what makes you feel bad? Something like that is happening to me, it's horrible

Btw, sorry if I have a spelling mistake, I'm not a native-english speaker.",4.282916666666669,5.25560479166667,4.939888888888888,85.294,70.52777777777777,7.982222222222222,31.06666666666667,8.238735603445708,2.1805966666666667,283,12,57,4,5,91,48,72,0.233,0.669,0.098,-0.9311,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,16,14,5,0,5,6,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,8,2,7,12,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653536734983554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994116809546853,0.0,0.0,0.20322531958731446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526487072434815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774386052655245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151756081179304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42239020964421625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23335891819317225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941976582323245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27054594281347505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235847027124684,0.18386171770211607,0.0,0.2673487639752346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839223324417317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817342755205954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965679439354658,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway903677,2019/04/02,"I'm only here still because I don't want my best friend to kill herself if I do I have been self-harming again lately but I just can't bring myself to get the job done. Everytime I think about it she runs through my head. If anything were to happen to me, she would fall apart and likely follow in my footsteps. I love having her around but I don't want her to have to see me like this anymore. I want it to all be done but I just want her to be ok.",0.6739393939393956,2.237402858585864,2.287878787878789,98.2518181818182,81.02020202020202,4.8040404040404034,19.080808080808087,5.033348758259628,-0.5998404040404042,349,8,85,1,9,114,62,99,0.102,0.757,0.141,0.8319,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,1,1,14,2,1,0,1,16,26,6,1,7,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,1,21,6,12,19,2,10,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,2,5,64,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642381977769904,0.0,0.0,0.16298776552622266,0.1763167556409412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073647203057765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078533592074221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053714270203333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302184889847076,0.0,0.10347897617945598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514515931252092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032682733666326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654550986968575,0.0,0.21912574074289187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342203590782775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352572086539288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787582661555562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506347206594178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578293984976289,0.0,0.20662137428523905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817219590965007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269098328192371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467287294479819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069723021060654,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,moop-181,2019/04/02,"I badly want to die and I feel like killing myself is the only way to end the pain For background I’m not doing this for attention I need advice and good advice if people make up stories like this fuck you I hope you actually suffer. If you look at my other post it basically contains everything about me and why I want to die. I’m not sure about everything in this sub Reddit but thought it would it would belong here. My mom died of cancer not to long ago and ever since my life has been falling apart. I would have already have killed my self but I don’t think I have the balls. I cut myself. 

I have this counselor I mentioned how I wanted to throw my life away and her tone totally changed when I said that like she was going to call somebody so I was just brushed it off so she was Jack shit for help all my counselor does is talk go “ok..ok..ok” to everything I say and it’s fucking annoying. People are pushing me around at school and have been for the longest time and I don’t know why. 

This one kids life seems like a fucking dream he’s tall dates the hottest girls on like every single sports team and fucking picks on me. Nobody really knows everything going on besides my friends. They just find it awkward and sad to talk about. 

By far the best people I talked to were people here on Reddit. 
I posted on r/death which I highly recommend you read if you want to know more and many kind people responded.

There has been so many people tell me to just cheer up and it will go away in time and they have no fucking idea how painful it is.

I’m a punching bag. A waste of life. I’m just that really short kid. I’m not good at anything and I don’t think I ever will be. 

A person I know at school, kind of like a friend of a friend, tried to kill him self but his mom saved him he had it around his neck. I don’t know if it was true but if it is than I wish I had his balls. I even told my friends this might be the spring break I don’t come back from.

I recommend you read my other post as it has more information on it. So yea please fucking respond 
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suicidewatch,fck_everything,2019/04/02,"Can someone talk to me and be my friend? I’m afraid I might kill myself or try to tonight and I want to talk to someone who understands. I literally have nobody I can reach out to who would understand. If I tried reaching out to someone they would tell me to fucking call a hotline and if you think I am going to do that, you are funny. Anyways please talk to me about anything, I feel so fucking alone and it physically HURTS",3.1147176079734216,4.763370139534885,4.157242524916942,87.13941860465117,74.34883720930233,6.774750830564784,28.564784053156142,7.447530270364453,1.5669621262458475,336,14,69,4,7,109,55,86,0.121,0.742,0.13699999999999998,-0.3621,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,1,0,3,6,3,1,1,0,10,2,0,0,0,17,19,8,1,5,3,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,15,1,12,15,0,4,0,1,0,2,11,2,2,4,1,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740598580318584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095803191561124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490742857516514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866099585640757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233912736441686,0.3167118394588618,0.0,0.0,0.09734871514563022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337073235479195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950829258530516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817128546634604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802625882907495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354033387809864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130320444546911,0.14971602612777146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097564605980245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325909111967904,0.0,0.0,0.3566402824711135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010319657374048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433606547391313,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,qotmbjpb,2019/04/02,"Can you really save someone? I had a friend recently commit suicide. He'd been struggling for years. He had a bad childhood. He had really shitty parents. He was dealt a bad card from the beginning.

Now I have another friend who expressed to me having suicidal thoughts when he was going through some stuff.

I've never had a friend commit suicide until that one friend recently. Now I fear it happening again with this other friend. I try to help him build a good life because he's a young guy and we all struggle when we are young. But the thing is nobody really wants to listen to other people, especially when you are a young man.

So what do I do? I'm a really smart guy and I'm pretty successful. I know I can teach him how to fish so to speak so he can be strong and successful on his own. But he won't listen to me. I know the next time he has trouble in life, which is inevitable, it's going to be dangerous for him.

What do i do???",1.6965252135574538,3.851825916230368,3.5284320749517804,87.67032240286585,80.413612565445,6.952989804353818,22.094516395701294,8.032893268588372,1.2007738219895288,734,23,151,14,19,246,106,191,0.17,0.621,0.209,0.7937,1,0,0,0,0,4,22.0,2,2,0,3,10,18,1,3,11,0,25,2,0,1,4,19,37,13,3,1,2,1,0,0,5,1,2,3,0,3,12,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,8,3,20,11,16,25,3,22,0,0,0,0,32,2,0,1,18,103,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906821606111432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554622465484834,0.07503313713232171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850791553756178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754863704205519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990718588385,0.10324014721770748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437524070473646,0.10884607224095846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250311016294024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352915936596154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738810062422026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493284471363587,0.0,0.130905196178984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340743069799164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667435659095178,0.0,0.0,0.08533353309011647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522447121852825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154126041255593,0.0,0.24306856592351625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429183333707782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573560390996821,0.14090600121054644,0.4039139926994031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177401779530709,0.0,0.0,0.09771790778402753,0.07177344461842128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356848829238017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260033165043962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926446187880215
suicidewatch,PuzzledWaste,2019/04/02,"""Think of your family"" comments [Rant] I swear to god, on the Top 3 Useless Comments on this sub, the ""think of your family"" comments has to be number one. I'm not suicidal myself, but these comments are definitely not helping the people that are. Some of the people on these subs have abusive parents and family, so thinking of their family will only either make them think that they would be better without them, or it would give them reason to escape the pain. What's even worse are the comments that are like ""Wow pretty selfish, you would devastate your family."" Once again, some have abusive family, and that will make them feel like everything they do is selfish and useless, therefore making them feel like the world would just be better off without them. Now, I understand that some of you that comment this are just trying to help, and I heavily appreciate that. But please, and I mean this when I say **PLEASE** read the talking tips that one of the mods posted. It will be *super* useful. Thanks for reading this if you did.",4.336866873065014,6.742432600000001,4.543560371517028,82.39404024767803,73.0,7.2074303405572735,25.38699690402477,8.124751697461798,1.7340743034055728,814,27,141,13,17,254,100,190,0.171,0.605,0.224,0.8595,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,6,9,4,7,13,0,0,9,0,22,1,0,6,0,37,37,11,1,5,11,1,2,3,0,7,1,1,0,0,17,5,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,5,0,2,1,3,21,8,17,25,4,10,0,2,0,0,27,6,0,5,6,110,38,2,0.0,0.23721904757426102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707166679429326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611922677157113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996903277530822,0.0,0.5662275177250479,0.0,0.10123344464454558,0.14303183436649589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603102628114256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341982037795672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467205555228472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046507572120925,0.0,0.0,0.10904504148077253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660987747964087,0.1356691567073441,0.07613530576141941,0.10652009636943433,0.0,0.111156131696188,0.0,0.0,0.1388021232198573,0.0,0.0,0.21977317828655973,0.0,0.0,0.095874105094593,0.10184403396177197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002666584504929,0.0,0.0,0.10292588641937496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960849926696775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094999776263816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046160299567562,0.0,0.0921643752246976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565761434953513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679655651724072,0.0,0.0,0.1042141252926596,0.0,0.08645964913526846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929976842995929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201680991257177,0.28445040014616635,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hayden1113,2019/04/02,"I’m pretty much done This is kinda a last ditch effort. I don’t want to die, I know this, but it seriously feels pretty much like the only way left. I was in love with this girl, and I constantly fuck it up, she’s given me try after try, and I just can’t figure it out and how to be there positively. I’m financially in the worst spot I’ve ever been, my credit is tanking, I’m negative in all my accounts, I’m at a dead end job. As sad as it is, I’m just tired of being alive. I am a pretty horrible human being, who has hurt just about everyone that I’ve ever cared about. I just see no reason anymore. ",1.7620454545454578,2.670846871212124,4.576181818181818,85.76427272727273,76.5,7.4012121212121205,20.775757575757574,7.908726449838941,0.71484303030303,465,10,106,7,10,168,86,132,0.266,0.526,0.208,-0.9194,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,0,5,0,13,3,0,2,3,20,26,7,2,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,4,2,11,4,15,19,4,14,0,2,1,2,5,7,1,1,7,71,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855793370240527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732889227112631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366995828563376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639508275207186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393147683889104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053704548971178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074830902080096,0.0,0.1624072269837834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593855671191256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712834198236755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819492393604911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866236009264934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340739063169744,0.13854278291479818,0.0,0.0,0.1846656343726933,0.0,0.0,0.08303548842563192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339852371013754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24988517917545186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292647566213006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187413696605017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475059074070354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543875339743414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534782302730785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307878625501581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024876424362283,0.13490896488631668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lavenderliv,2019/04/02,I’m not sure what to do I should go to a hospital. I have a method and I feel like I’m just going to snap one night and do it. I’ve been close. I can’t miss anymore school though. It’s hard to function honestly. It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning. I don’t know what to do,-2.663897180762852,-0.9947951343283564,0.5222885572139297,104.57739635157549,97.35820895522386,4.171807628524046,14.907131011608625,5.82211442006289,-1.0619306799336647,214,5,61,2,9,75,43,67,0.108,0.7979999999999999,0.093,0.2819,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,10,16,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,3,5,3,9,14,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952480967823862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053100588083015,0.21268392057356492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555410683314844,0.0,0.3383906482586945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5333789590353893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636135048861484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544595667829932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279380453571574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173584626966296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012981831898505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805879368220228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29249833939578584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Soitgoes_44,2019/04/02,"Our species has no value. I am ashamed to be a human being. If a cancer cell became conscious that it was cancer, what would it's moral obligation be?

My life isn't fantastic, but it would never be the reason I commit suicide.

If you zoom out of your subjective, first-person perspective, humans are atrocious.

The more you zoom out, the worse it gets.

I understand that there's good and bad.

Valleys make the mountains, ying yang, whatever whatever.

If you took a scale and put all the good humanity has ever done on one side and on the other side was not all the bad, but just the truly unnecessary bad, it would tip heavily in the wrong direction.

If a business had significantly more unnecessary expenses than profits, it isn't be able to sustain. 

Sure we have crazy potential and some entirely beautiful qualities, but at the end of the day, we will never be able to overcome greed, lust, ego, etc.

I believe every human being can be rehabilitated from any condition no matter what, but not when absolutely every fucking thing is corrupt in such complex ways.

I may be depressed, but it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick society.

If you keep someone locked in a shed with no food, how can they avoid being hungry?
",6.17872126436782,7.098182762931041,6.972172413793107,72.62340229885059,66.19827586206897,10.152183908045977,33.139080459770106,10.203070172399654,3.5112421839080445,979,41,171,23,15,325,143,232,0.229,0.657,0.114,-0.987,0,1,0,0,0,2,33.0,3,5,1,0,7,14,2,2,17,0,31,8,0,3,7,44,37,16,1,8,13,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,13,9,1,2,5,0,3,2,10,9,1,1,5,0,15,5,19,16,6,19,1,1,0,2,14,10,1,7,6,131,28,1,0.28767638226651576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781490239235982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602966444130388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205638530956484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276373384429354,0.0,0.12388762325490887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471964090826183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739794390705536,0.0,0.1604176050222662,0.0,0.13010987877188426,0.2423797594401682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234869189817515,0.1739297116680507,0.0,0.0,0.13297608992496374,0.0751495181647211,0.0,0.0,0.2412893007316427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528932709976007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784999324490806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015971681980984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601310950330852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187376069035675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097468480873541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559396039989315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459711046389456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478896167018932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187363257463656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733563521667265,0.0,0.13556579288802534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555970280746708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980952284246736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497406296959837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417206100488067,0.0,0.0,0.1293278081011091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658340520524374,0.30653557218525346,0.15726448190668718,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oilibhin,2019/04/02,"decided my suicide date I've been thinking about suicide for 7 years, but for the last year it's gotten worse. I keep trying to give myself fresh starts but nothing is working. I decided today my suicide date, I have just over a month (need to get the things to do it with,won't go into detail). I only ever wanted friends. I don't have any, I did for a while but one of their new friends didn't like me so she told my old friends to ignore and block me and they did. It hurt. I have no one. If I kill myself maybe people will finally care about me, that's all I've ever wanted. ",2.004344262295085,3.4137886147541034,3.482754098360658,91.8224918032787,76.78688524590163,5.8636065573770475,22.036065573770493,6.2581,0.2628727868852456,449,12,99,3,10,148,78,122,0.267,0.6,0.133,-0.9679,0,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,2,1,6,8,1,0,4,0,11,0,0,0,3,20,23,8,4,4,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,6,0,19,5,12,16,1,17,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,15,66,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253579756121564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537305994403846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27277888878229395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651724857532978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494775359395681,0.0,0.07877650125797811,0.1446422355738599,0.08569193851564652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141346600218834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402048874902947,0.1668160995461692,0.0,0.0,0.12290609654904787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366365495714304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147911170304568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035142402736727,0.0,0.0,0.1118017070902527,0.0,0.14562458609673604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467779698923985,0.0,0.15821859649404946,0.0,0.20434531301498768,0.11467523838796632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045320985435566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672309642906792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947876380951774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017175402141693,0.09661394974952657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292212629907505,0.14407707063461864,0.0,0.10236994926824278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786829509014265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976987889776664,0.0,0.15365804181523665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419518306752487
suicidewatch,doloresh4ze,2019/04/02,"i wish i was brave enough dont you ever think so? because i do. everyday. i wonder how bad can it be if so many people find comfort in killing themselves, it cant be that terrible. i just wish i wasnt conscious, so i could finally bring myself to do it. after all, what is it that im missing? i have no life. i have no one. i have no family, no friends, i have no hobbies, no motivations nor expectations, i have no future, i cannot concentrate on anything i do anymore, i cant sleep, shit, i dont even have enough confidence to go to a therapist. at this point it feels like streetching out a dramatic soap opera that no one watches. im tired of waking up. im tired of crying until i eventually fall asleep. im tired of being a background character in my own life. im tired of being numb. im tired of being alive

i wish i could just do it.",0.19297752808988733,2.313115657303374,2.9956067415730345,89.43745505617979,86.24719101123596,6.256629213483146,22.38314606741573,7.554174236665415,1.0393159550561792,649,24,143,12,20,228,93,178,0.248,0.593,0.16,-0.9335,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,1,8,10,2,0,3,0,26,12,4,2,2,19,35,7,1,7,3,0,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,15,6,0,2,2,2,22,4,16,26,4,16,0,1,1,0,2,7,1,2,7,102,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988562254544365,0.0,0.0,0.07458492960882046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567648707577118,0.055250289729072616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472943653774106,0.0,0.09955835462744053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244722444786648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730048508417974,0.0,0.05986360059385185,0.08198459834688089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544266577568496,0.0,0.04582780828546042,0.06474970309546485,0.0,0.09928627514314453,0.08283880044443345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002442049472589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051509991789561935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874084900865982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027426227988737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803644283621482,0.04427971087780605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188972243925844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283332105639742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283493676293868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567942505495338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303558393038948,0.0,0.0,0.09070051292532474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523428730397527,0.0,0.0580752850800147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5208583274610988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126775289999511,0.0,0.09828985348597163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thelastthrowawayleft,2019/04/02,"There's no logic in any of this. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/death/

This is the definition of death, and all pro and con theories of why death is good or bad, and all arguments ""defeating"" death isn't bad theories with the basis ""life is good and death is bad"" which isn't much of a basis at all. To be fair, I skimmed most of it, but I think even if I had spent the time reading it I would have found it unhelpful, because the basis is that life is good and death is bad. 

The problem is I don't see any issue with returning to the Earth and becoming one with the universe again as I was once before. It'll have been a really, really long time since I was lacking life, but I really think that this alternative is fine. 

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I didn't want to graduate college because I knew I'd just have to go to work. I didn't want to do anything in grade school, with the hope that I wouldn't have to go to work. I don't want to work. I don't understand why other people do. I see no freedom in ""attempting to find a job you enjoy"" because ultimately you're still at the will of the people around you, and whatever creature generates wealth and sees fit to share it with you. I don't see the point of continuing to live if I have to continue to earn currency and trade it in exchange for goods. 

I don't understand why other people want to be alive. I don't really understand why I don't share their enthusiasm. I don't want to wake up tomorrow, or eat food, or talk to people, or play video games, or write another sentence or go to the bathroom or take a shower or literally anything at all. I don't want to be conscious. I wish to be unconscious forever. 

Similarly, I don't understand the point in owning things because they can be taken away. If you were to medicate this out of me, the medication could just be taken away and I would die anyway. Now I have to spend even more of my income buying medication to make me think that I want to be alive. I would die eventually even with the medication. 


I don't really see the point in spending however many more years to just end up at the spot I want to be in anyway, dead. Why wait? I can do it now. 

Some day I will die and somehow something will steal my carbon. 

A life long walk to the same exact spot. ",5.025757389162564,5.096802573275866,6.2586330049261125,79.70681034482759,68.52586206896551,10.163054187192119,28.85591133004927,10.041961382958581,2.5208290640394093,1790,57,380,41,28,605,182,464,0.158,0.733,0.109,-0.9599,4,0,1,0,0,2,56.0,0,4,2,7,15,18,0,0,23,0,58,11,1,1,5,77,93,25,9,21,16,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,0,19,19,2,1,12,4,8,5,19,7,0,1,12,5,43,11,63,64,12,42,0,1,5,0,11,21,0,15,16,258,62,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888498855269757,0.0685015837503443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751793873618164,0.05815532862224267,0.0,0.0,0.12275468055090268,0.0,0.21818294778466799,0.15929215988813375,0.07214909543217321,0.05558889414070668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215869604154818,0.0,0.0,0.042130835545178116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339890520304504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684634542251425,0.0,0.0,0.05786077814150165,0.0,0.0,0.1294446004360612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970815497096123,0.0,0.07899427691221239,0.07162823602476891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850850354295655,0.21917444299944425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488495154132885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818494135489975,0.06482746732803257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457099160732826,0.0,0.0,0.0576853827158534,0.1156255702629093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04360661606673684,0.0662318353018901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632423491293901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04802323197617277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957165949407365,0.044267607267881724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115946255637505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526682043527032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250959847002686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534518235608319,0.0,0.20925235872159398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661149215204215,0.2602878127638711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403958622393613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029230404275577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217062892627048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911815275378307,0.05250777299722057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340069073206194,0.12557767988925345,0.0,0.0,0.07618598563803587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27203294143990475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467866888971691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947395557074995,0.0,0.07512340536602108,0.0,0.0,0.19023680326968384,0.0,0.0,0.1392203530979197,0.0,0.0,0.04206877060457498
suicidewatch,RainAndro,2019/04/02,"hi someoen chat with me please.
who is similar to any of my subreddits on my profile.
my self esteem is at its lowest adn im feeling suijcidal",1.7560919540229882,4.049586448275863,4.455862068965517,80.33367816091955,81.06896551724137,8.004597701149425,30.356321839080447,8.841846274778883,2.945749425287357,113,6,22,3,3,40,26,29,0.083,0.7959999999999999,0.121,0.0516,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326901617854353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473671462334033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284475638346373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370227608304583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103689624602893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trashacco,2019/04/02,Tonight’s hopefully the night my dudes I think tonight might be the night I work up enough courage to finally do something I’ve had enough of everything it’s been a good run but it had to end actually nah it’s not been a good run so yeah idk why I’m posting this I just felt the need to tell someone I’m actually kind of excited for it to all be over,0.5097727272727255,2.5064692467532517,2.568944805194807,93.78770292207794,83.8051948051948,6.966883116883117,25.209415584415584,8.07648339933343,1.3755987012987014,280,12,68,6,8,94,50,77,0.047,0.7509999999999999,0.203,0.9008,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,1,8,0,0,0,1,9,14,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,4,6,9,6,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,38,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.37825605652518735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165579765809091,0.4005096258361331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418156019352965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608546057163025,0.21230649184048975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251128402328896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249444045835507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018205436411906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559898395709625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370570319781995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363750160729921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561387949163072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642123488927811,0.14920237583756807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939617679207344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418393197043608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488099939697466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109406776954644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilviggo,2019/04/02,"I’m keeping it together just for her Things haven’t been very good lately. For a few years at least. Due rent, my company is doing bad, clients not paying, lawyers constantly at the door asking for money. 
I feel like everybody wants my flesh and bones and wont stop till I’m gone. Afraid about waking up with no money no nothing, it’s killing me.
Tried engaging with my mom after losing contact with my family years ago, not much success there either but at least I tried. My wife is the only thing that’s keeping me from ending it here. 
Tried mentioning her how I felt, she probably thought I was joking and didnt return on the argument. Nights are the worst, I can’t sleep and keep thinking what awful new things will wait for me tomorrow. Keep looking at the window and thinking about the right moment to jump head first. When I’m alone I drive recklessly hoping a truck will put me under.  
I’m enduring this just for my dearest wife, her life would be destroyed and we love each other so much. But it’s hard as fuck. 
Thinking about getting help, I really don’t want to do stupid things, I don’t even know if this is my problem or if I’m a victim of circumstance. 
How you guys doing? Be strong, keep it together. 
Sorry for this stupid post, I don’t have many people to talk to.",3.954291021671828,5.306533415686278,4.544602683178535,86.38439628482973,71.70588235294117,7.721362229102168,25.18575851393189,8.20500826718156,1.4299411764705887,1011,30,203,15,19,322,156,255,0.182,0.693,0.125,-0.9458,1,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,4,12,19,6,1,9,1,22,8,5,2,0,42,49,17,1,7,10,3,3,1,0,4,1,0,3,1,15,11,0,7,7,1,4,4,11,11,0,1,6,4,26,8,28,37,8,30,0,1,1,2,16,8,1,4,18,133,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002725112260828,0.0,0.0,0.11715640139407645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575030209866393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944490211122672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222406517225495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018920198387604,0.0,0.0,0.07471354306766262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663782709226427,0.0,0.057195990452735684,0.0808117066606619,0.1086112677219842,0.0,0.0,0.09621833311526808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457600746082714,0.05909962141845239,0.0,0.0,0.09487822858894647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200486060029148,0.0,0.0,0.10133174115912574,0.0,0.11609196810680725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582078441666425,0.0,0.0,0.11235195454492886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5027235292822454,0.1251485934542316,0.0,0.06216683671678365,0.0,0.12760232296648832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989877146694982,0.05526386740647175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499084779743136,0.1265503970230989,0.0,0.0,0.10209364496311794,0.0,0.0,0.1146841597704732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248273750860656,0.0,0.0,0.16630987148540413,0.0,0.0,0.10925031919546334,0.0,0.10615382300581347,0.0,0.10854002009709517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603153309138897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842195770753266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833602311783776,0.0,0.12196061513006415,0.10823889667934518,0.0,0.1137150935271073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246645312059115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660237491387813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131999514142374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662662955423115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457192942418738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909201715482756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006029790584798,0.2174448380960612,0.0,0.08980326202379114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303996172627662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333441017990443,0.13344015962004158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035596550212602,0.0,0.0,0.14568889982804933
suicidewatch,juulrips4jesus,2019/04/02,"Alone I’m 15 and I’ve begun to drink and vape since the beginning of the year. Each day I take a couple more hits or more sips and it makes me feel better, it gives me motivation to wake up, to feel less alone. But, it takes more and more to feel the effects, I’m afraid that I’ll eventually be unaffected by drugs and that I’ll have to face the reality. The reality that no matter the outcome, I’ll eventually end up committing suicide. That one day I’ll get tired of all the pain, of waking up in the morning, of taking care of myself. Sometimes I don’t shower or brush for a couple days, sometimes I’d fake being sick because I didn’t want to wake up for school, and I’ve become addicted to masturbation and alcohol. I feel alone, and I just want someone to love me.",3.7189708404802735,4.525295213836478,5.409536878216128,82.02401372212697,71.70440251572326,8.54911377930246,26.404230989136646,8.841846274778883,1.7773345911949687,605,19,129,11,11,207,87,159,0.149,0.745,0.106,-0.8407,1,3,3,1,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,3,1,6,0,1,10,0,5,12,4,3,2,25,23,11,1,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,7,9,2,0,6,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,5,9,3,21,19,7,12,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,7,73,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526314662778727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962801223300748,0.0,0.4350241206370376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534874057034167,0.15462994368962898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382738610052135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274943267581058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098366009900653,0.0,0.2708844243545224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715640779822194,0.16236704341572575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400722160500995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831728658396499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314939838716028,0.13431026187558978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636440858608766,0.0,0.09345770098023924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487433734414848,0.0,0.14898041385611194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169750196463524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581764296232425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862994094721445,0.0,0.2769467586914464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153148115144725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158100797644594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092079329309822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516294288553648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016179053544383
suicidewatch,throwawaythefenway,2019/04/02,"I feel like I can never change I have really bad habits. I'm really lazy. I'm embarrassing.i don't take care of myself. I'm not an adult. My parents don't love me, they disapprove of all my life choices. I'm bringing my partner down as I'm a huge downer on them. They've gotten so mad at me so many times and I say I'll change but I just never end up changing. I'm on medication but it only helps with how I feel every day. In the back of my mind, that same demon is still there, is it all worth it? ",-0.7394178794178785,1.234040117117118,2.1976576576576607,94.5144074844075,89.27027027027027,5.217186417186418,15.745668745668745,6.67199483983844,-0.3807025641025645,387,8,93,5,13,136,74,111,0.103,0.81,0.087,-0.1776,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,5,1,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,4,15,19,7,0,0,4,1,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,3,15,3,11,18,3,15,1,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,8,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299918164919384,0.155276889814916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896084524297926,0.0,0.5901936930982772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993503938200398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647139112072185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668745095282452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880636856326491,0.13285675513764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246515363409918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313558635898806,0.09085537731323612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784486988909866,0.0,0.0,0.18854403603642095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734485740253767,0.0,0.0,0.187776332539118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868625175318795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414382989587687,0.0,0.0,0.20649728833048814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382738396644395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478905299765146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485156027382013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982603261165286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844039845894292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xanif,2019/04/02,"I'm a racist, homophobic, misogynistic bigot. So my brain insists. And I can't make it shut the fuck up. It won't stop.

See an African-American? Oh yea my brain is going to make me think about that hard r.

A woman? Well my first thought should obviously be to judge her appearance and not her character.

A gay man? My brain decides to remind me of the alternate definition of a bundle of sticks.

A cis, white, straight man? Well ""that person is ok,"" says my brain. Has absolutely nothing negative to say.

Every time. Every day. Without fail.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I have hatred in my soul. This is all my fault.

So I'm drinking. And stoned. Anything to make it harder to think.

My state doesn't have a wait time for firearms. I could pick up a Remington 870 tomorrow morning and be dead by tomorrow evening. They're only $400.

I feel like a 12 gauge shell to the my brain stem would resolve a lot of things.

And I can't tell anybody or I'll be committed.

I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday. She is going to make me talk about why I broke down crying on a conference call with my boss's boss and his peers. As if living through it at the time wasn't humiliating enough. A video conference. Everyone saw me weeping, because I had the audacity to agree to reduce my Seroquel dosage due to side effects.

I don't understand what's wrong with me. I don't want to kill myself, I just want it to be over.",0.9571410941999192,3.378874265734268,2.83254627725216,89.73691896338957,86.06293706293707,6.301768819415878,22.74742904154669,7.618777277803332,1.1246988070752768,1104,41,235,21,34,367,171,286,0.109,0.775,0.115,-0.5122,0,0,1,1,0,2,45.0,0,0,0,4,9,12,2,0,17,2,25,8,5,9,3,42,47,12,2,6,5,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,0,4,11,8,1,2,9,2,0,3,11,7,2,1,4,8,35,5,34,35,4,25,1,3,4,2,13,11,1,4,11,144,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117397325198576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675389581292466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6184133999991154,0.11313300134633597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845994656611207,0.0,0.12170194179201195,0.07145292624154892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853588256299328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144797582213541,0.0,0.07317835315977747,0.0,0.18669734772419455,0.1058683586705038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602074559471825,0.07915121364412714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094241269682226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242721321725352,0.0,0.0,0.12593349992452446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924960905845642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225770803152688,0.0,0.060889452504843414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054128323192803765,0.0,0.0978330798113766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419304667607906,0.0,0.0,0.2958232639956931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144629480691586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630977459389626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426378475636252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674099582818407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621557777753258,0.0,0.0,0.17657685299924755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262869576586984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905197303896796,0.0968387879432024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360657137656079,0.14198456755962466,0.0,0.08795801341298393,0.19381451407236508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534040002086868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069827404021106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992341176938988,0.0,0.0999742989281644,0.0,0.0,0.10680140550862686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870483690867261,0.12113578184504245,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whatelseisleftnow,2019/04/02,"Helpless. Hopeless. I don’t even know anymore I have people who love me. 
I don’t love myself. 
They don’t know the real me. 
I keep that hidden away. 

I have reasons to be happy. 
But I’m not. 
People say “it gets better”
But it’s not my life that makes me miserable. 
It’s me. 
And sometimes it does get a little better.  
But then it just gets fucking terrible again. 

I feel like instead of a heart, there’s a black hole in my chest that sucks up everything good and just leaves me with rot. 

I feel myself rotting from the inside out. 

It hurts. I hurt. I feel black rot consuming my insides. Consuming any light that used to be inside. Consuming any remaining sliver of love for myself. 

I should be happy. 
There’s a prospect of a bright future ahead. 
I should be happy. 

But I’m not. 
I don’t remember the last time I was happy. 
I was numb for a long time. 
A really long time. 

I hated being numb. 
I wish I could go back to being numb. 
Or I wish I could just not feel anything at all. Forever. 


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suicidewatch,johnpetrie00,2019/04/02,"I just want to fucking end it all I live in my car, my girlfriend made me agree to an open relationship just so she can have some bigger dick, and my license is probably revoked. I don’t have anywhere to go.",7.064651162790698,4.975040232558143,7.613604651162793,78.77063953488374,65.27906976744185,10.460465116279073,37.77906976744186,8.841846274778883,3.0695674418604653,162,7,35,2,2,54,35,43,0.077,0.835,0.08800000000000001,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,8,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,4,8,2,6,0,0,0,2,3,3,2,1,1,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528667481568078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683170936311368,0.0,0.0,0.2264215691615863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35179709068800025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769784900800439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295457475654481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42773565405727293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23498837332903064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eagleeyeview,2019/04/02,"Mother (poem) I don’t have anyone I can share this with, but I thought of the loving souls on this sub who might understand. I would love to share it with my daughter who is suicidal but don’t want to add to her burden.
<3<3<3

I’ve watched you die a thousand times 
I’ve found you cold and gone
My deepest fears realized
Ravaging pain explodes
Blinding desperate, gasping, tears

When I was young, I gave you life and 
Thus began my own, a truer life with you
Your joys, your fears, your brilliant light
A fascinating soul
Your essence is the air I breathe

Death cannot take you, Little One
You always shine bright in me


",2.9966253443526183,5.464637636363636,2.7755578512396717,93.12273071625349,77.59504132231405,5.686225895316805,24.959366391184567,6.816661863887847,0.8374622589531677,498,18,100,5,12,148,84,121,0.232,0.5329999999999999,0.235,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,10,0,0,1,11,0,2,5,0,10,7,1,1,0,16,20,5,3,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,6,6,22,7,9,12,1,9,2,0,4,2,20,4,0,1,4,59,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672184940411104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485049634692689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042274182932234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779857376412835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286986959762215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000284882922399,0.0,0.2128661865912259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833726276404571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22530757942500296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391799245629444,0.0,0.2259932736046873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323153963135812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968755425855055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861045829631552,0.12384376277646138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211009202343839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527054118985148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508726505565795,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,motuemily,2019/04/02,"Feeling overwhelmed and suicidal My dad's been abusing drugs for two years, and it's getting to me. Im depressed. I'm 22, about to graduate college, but i'm so overwhelmed I honestly want it to end. I know im close. Im hanging on as much as i can, but it's so hard to focus. He's overdosed a number of times this past semester, all on my watch. Ive had to leave class and take on responsibilities i never imagined. My mother's complacent. Im supposed to be moving away for a job soon, but i feel like if i'm not here to watch him he'll die. Im so anxious all the time, I feel like i'm breathing in sulfur. I had to leave my place because it was hard to study with him around. And now im living with my friend and her parents and I feel like such a burden.

 I know reddit isn't the place for sob stories, but i'm looking for a reason. I feel hopeless. Is he ever going to get better. Will this pain end?",-0.0034832003867535377,1.938093563451776,2.623901377810008,92.95901861252115,85.4467005076142,4.970655064056079,21.563693497703646,6.18269132825596,0.2070992990089433,700,24,160,6,21,243,107,197,0.183,0.675,0.142,-0.8113,2,0,1,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,6,0,10,3,1,1,4,30,29,16,2,2,6,3,7,3,1,2,2,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,4,10,20,6,26,22,3,22,0,5,3,0,10,9,1,1,13,92,26,4,0.0,0.12033088477256405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473283562911675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040909947846862,0.0,0.0,0.09541808453584673,0.0,0.0,0.061909463288452135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898207397398802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874726737295323,0.0,0.1054022751939789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777627234365345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799023742390433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186598851270697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675657345431235,0.21766144863947354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784642815661509,0.0,0.10612083936469807,0.0,0.057718356977345085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819539477241941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6582073058922903,0.0,0.1007817010315305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162841207259244,0.0,0.0,0.21507277138549175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884988740087948,0.0,0.0896785149008071,0.0,0.08528403616034254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079412134504921,0.07465759819214217,0.0,0.0783286117212798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806600543474716,0.0,0.11276932279825268,0.0,0.09694961903616413,0.0,0.0,0.21221521402251445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441963329244604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108913323019452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635977757706186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843981484750732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920844923802416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990216774644495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540070801132415
suicidewatch,Some_guy_41,2019/04/02,I'm currently struggling with having a happy life and dealing with aspergers. You don't know me. I'm 19 and I have aspergers. All I want is a stable life with people who want me in their lives. Nobody knows about my disorder and often passed off as just some strange person who nobody wants to talk to. I hate how people pretend to care. I feel like I'm giving it my all but it's not enough. I'm ready to die.,0.5051162790697674,2.7740706744186063,2.445395348837213,92.84786046511627,86.44186046511628,5.300465116279072,17.902325581395353,6.742157984588678,0.045826976744186336,322,8,69,4,10,107,58,86,0.189,0.6779999999999999,0.133,-0.7854,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,2,20,17,6,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,10,3,11,17,4,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,2,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179215024099788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242697609041606,0.0,0.0,0.2257677183480923,0.0,0.24931476546233414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247725352365572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999258915990807,0.1554075518175076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868007124392887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315708040752885,0.0,0.21477147309853006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23910386991237834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30730380485701525,0.10627695778868956,0.0,0.19208801381886292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30162373645293705,0.18994378771804615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22741555195540405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484696036030467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38492458662767415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,exist2subsist,2019/04/02,"I'm so done, time to get down to business and end it I've been living in misery, suicidal for years but feeling trapped and couldn't bring myself to do it because of my family.

I can't take it anymore, my siblings will be fine - they have great established lives and families. My mom has dementia, she won't remember or care anyway. I have nothing to live for and so ready be done.

So now I'm getting my shit in order and looking into getting a third party to be executor for my will, that way family doesn't have to deal with the shit. Fuck I can't wait for the sweet sweet release of death.",4.18565573770492,4.718149491803281,5.349303278688523,83.87264344262297,70.47540983606558,8.722950819672132,29.1844262295082,8.841846274778883,2.151029508196721,466,17,97,8,8,155,78,122,0.183,0.616,0.201,0.4059,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,3,0,3,0,18,3,2,0,0,13,30,10,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,4,11,5,17,20,0,11,0,0,1,1,4,4,3,1,4,66,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705930178002808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965401549464183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146755367383728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327128627800025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241325484935692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026775683181664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478880509116625,0.0,0.08007602737339277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640941034062974,0.24822349600039784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460216903519385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195276746408242,0.0,0.132989911849408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854796329474836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195914174413747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794009864100478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325126609551304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322977078540944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907363377738465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923461250498052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570578769861168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198431951511353
suicidewatch,Blyzel,2019/04/02,"last year (maybe) hey i think i'll commit suicide in 2020 because i don't want to be a burden anymore. not sure what else to say, i'll probably take some pills and play computer games and eat whatever i want before it happens. so yeah",2.723125,4.395515062500003,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,75.45833333333334,7.3000000000000025,26.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.6434833333333332,185,7,38,3,4,61,40,48,0.226,0.631,0.14300000000000002,-0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,9,7,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27567679777994264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694511593466943,0.0,0.23653650162213935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28443812270206864,0.2322126893972588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458126347434748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265869657426176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27926354556775684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997043824596449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210571111580424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040598547748529,0.0,0.2619884251981762,0.0,0.20900282687965704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811534445257382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279140613680173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790069757668318
suicidewatch,noah-has-ance,2019/04/02,Best way to kill myself I would like to know.,0.054999999999999716,1.8199465000000004,1.2900000000000027,103.625,84.0,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.146,35,0,9,0,1,11,9,10,0.27,0.345,0.385,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246719929554945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531262017694478,0.0,0.27476222720594473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24425278966328265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968410573459925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551537317433979,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vervloer,2019/04/02,I don’t have any reasons to live. I’ve looked online for reasons that other people do but none resonate with me. Every comment people make for why they lived is like “I keep living because I’ll be missed” or “I keep living because I can help others” but like no one wants me around so why would anyone miss me? No one wants my help because no one wants me around either. I’m looking for a reason and each day grows bleaker as I realize that I don’t have a reason at all so I’m just another day closer to death. So idk. Give me a reason. Or give me a reason not to live ,2.536271808999082,3.525547016528929,4.183911845730027,89.01202938475667,74.70247933884298,6.038934802571165,22.535353535353536,5.82211442006289,0.304481359044996,443,11,95,2,9,149,68,121,0.16,0.7340000000000001,0.106,-0.7086,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,7,1,27,23,9,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,7,2,0,3,0,2,14,2,11,21,4,7,0,2,2,0,6,4,0,2,4,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003027669738929,0.10798404152787623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200636551230116,0.0,0.0,0.18334897026318686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18832788528417288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282781641064678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676551938555857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757657365114825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380513273662267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830676141102932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062214878876648,0.0,0.4546683756569963,0.0,0.17295538059873247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874028865379332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934677184878794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278743539091546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.635286680761236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222171500766404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584778150193612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731543981291566,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justsomerandomassguy,2019/04/02,"I feel like i am supposed to commit suicide. Many people know what they want to do. Be a doctor, a car mechanic, Teacher, baker, whatever else there is.

While i just lay in bed and do nothing. I only watch anime and rarely Play some PC. And i thought a bit about it. Everything was kinda ok until i didnt know what i wanted to be. Then noticed that i dont want to work at all. So i never went to school and my graduation Grades are bs now. I dont See a point in staying alive or working if all i really want to do is sleep and stay in bed.

I never had any friends since i was always the one getting bullied cuz i never really talked and to the others i was weird. I never really tried to get any friends because i wouldnt be able keep the friendship up.

I just got too lazy to do anything at all. I dont even wash myself anymore. Im about to turn 18 and that will most likely be the Day that i will kms (20th April). I mean. I have noone to live for. Not even myself.",0.4045134575569378,2.302560314009664,2.6765079365079347,93.43000000000002,83.54106280193237,5.295514147688062,19.51897860593513,6.42735559955562,0.010892063492064176,743,20,169,7,21,253,123,207,0.102,0.8170000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.7868,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,2,10,7,0,0,8,1,24,3,1,1,8,35,40,14,1,6,5,0,1,2,2,3,2,0,2,0,7,7,0,1,5,1,0,2,10,1,0,1,8,3,26,6,21,25,6,22,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,5,13,117,33,7,0.1160648695409902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965752692209475,0.0,0.0,0.15785618264367834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510516302386894,0.0,0.0,0.095511498264438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075206719701656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671277700110126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485223904684965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879731206482845,0.0,0.0,0.40808148808799216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695730538272823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331950339593847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431162083745127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058685885399054026,0.0829167659909409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934286059202353,0.0,0.12127820786867365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282767889954367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536997593587892,0.0,0.0,0.10316378890665652,0.0,0.0,0.12757243388232542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113406865189432,0.0,0.10248740621167787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767156061294995,0.0,0.12642866851257556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580655302490229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136737261142196,0.13214062324519307,0.0,0.0,0.07864855938340809,0.08827256336925084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046476660976498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971881719744164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306238231639136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746384438313595,0.09248867405485277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601005946557496,0.0,0.11614869020170406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474194160168252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695612918723392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328854567792916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214254184381128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788004277202027,0.126245249194307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273832268769416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759329686866753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899321470353101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theguythatdoes_stuff,2019/04/02,"Uncontrollable thoughts Due to my social akwardness, social axiety, and depression, I ruined my chances with this cute girl that I was friends with before (by texting and now im blocked) and I've been feeling nothing but shit all day even though I try to forget it but my brain reminds me ""hey remember that thing that you did to creep out that girl you liked and if you responded normally like any human would have you could have been in a relationship with her"" just gets me depressed. So much so that i lost all motivation to do anything (not even play on the computer) and just stare at a wall remining me of my mistakes. I also stopped eating I feel my body wasting away and the anxiety attacks are really getting to me making me feel worthless and powerless. All this shit over some person that couldnt care less about me. Im a fucking mess",4.9740740740740765,6.543220172839508,5.335493827160494,80.85472222222225,69.49382716049382,8.85679012345679,31.401234567901234,9.2995712137729,2.8328790123456784,676,29,126,14,12,215,107,162,0.235,0.625,0.139,-0.9639,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,2,10,18,4,1,5,0,11,6,4,2,3,36,21,14,0,6,6,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,10,11,1,2,6,1,0,0,2,12,0,0,6,4,22,6,17,12,6,11,0,5,1,1,15,7,3,2,6,91,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816186512455375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048037580375753,0.0,0.11303431816332453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159208563726147,0.0,0.0,0.16809583682786214,0.13882332385988327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257310111463826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641256143111697,0.0,0.16494657940178065,0.0,0.0,0.1506489320969556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797258597699653,0.0,0.0,0.09529156201828813,0.0,0.2545271658536131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119312465794335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951852763859588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413236100800926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415731540071601,0.13659971192301934,0.15439471168459254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192075745295398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443740022357184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129510108976725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862948373941546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861898960605476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477127921347632,0.1417776011666516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290164180611523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465743491941726,0.0,0.0,0.15863658823813098,0.16738079202220105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033425317395147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012409539517454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353214307007487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816372163082243,0.0,0.14517129547737967,0.11730319429905944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003178520881315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496290693635628,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,crapehaanger,2019/04/02,I'm just tired. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong in my life has gone wrong. I'm pushing thirty and have accomplished nothing. None of the antidepressants that I've been on have done shit. I want to drive off of a bridge.,2.7473333333333336,5.4764312888888895,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,80.55555555555556,7.1555555555555586,22.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.3178000000000003,188,6,38,4,5,57,35,45,0.25,0.6679999999999999,0.083,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,0,4,12,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,6,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415533421509665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873038323073423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231921374380245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830141208474714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693863604882094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31650245887180894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28818494576775233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226798231617883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559310985409872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6139101982068028,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rowrowjack,2019/04/02,"My (28F) sister-in-law's (25F) boyfriend (27M) keeps threatening suicide Whenever they fight, my sister-in-law's boyfriend threatens suicide on social media.

It is a toxic relationship. They have big fights very regularly. I'm concerned she is hesitant to break up with him because she is scared he will go through with suicide. 

But this is a form of mental and emotional abuse. I want to talk to her about it but I'm not sure what to say. This is such a sensitive topic to navigate. 

Any advice on what she needs to hear right now? 
And what he needs to hear right now? 


TLDR: What should you say to someone whose emotionally abusive partner is threatening suicide? 
",3.1973723076923086,5.8645318880000055,3.924800000000001,84.04978461538462,78.12,7.046153846153848,28.01538461538461,8.139509932561175,2.155812307692308,526,23,96,10,13,167,80,125,0.297,0.6859999999999999,0.017,-0.99,0,0,0,0,3,4,22.0,0,1,2,0,4,4,2,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,13,18,4,4,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,9,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,11,1,16,16,1,10,0,0,0,0,21,6,0,0,2,57,20,0,0.0,0.32568336075895643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430292555691908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934626243532798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378099315348654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091987389230733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810924233373923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098054660639078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216130262326502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850528405247878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381722677084174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755708999479986,0.0,0.2347427814415041,0.0,0.21859259491484576,0.13759951937603615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010084005857576,0.11645086036279274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6013399190505809,0.0,0.12953378744911678,0.0,0.0,0.1104675427359227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340083030756536,0.08106455522737553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Julie_OwO,2019/04/02,Quick question: why should I stay alive right now when I could just not? I seriously dont know why I'm supposed to not kill myself right now. Who cares? (None of my family does) Am I missing something because I want to hear a solid reason why I cant just be dead and move on (whatever comes next),2.5062295081967183,4.040330114754099,3.8696393442622967,89.04872131147543,75.72131147540983,6.847213114754098,23.67540983606557,7.554174236665415,0.9245121311475412,231,7,50,3,5,76,47,61,0.035,0.685,0.28,0.924,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,13,2,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,4,10,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069409475369995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186605494443816,0.0,0.0,0.17055258965995973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808051335832268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326414672208335,0.0,0.2320451672145625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866492510665126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231513907207449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904882983080112,0.0,0.1088112336002726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043417842798687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056675430637295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179636959451388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356876712087196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381681982946144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242392629445226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103314449799576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678082034495725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359709940156223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ddalcanto,2019/04/02,"Why not suicide? The past few months I've been trying to think of the reasons as to why I continue living, and I seriously can't think of anything.

First of all, I'm a firm believer in the idea that if life has even one second of misery, it isn't worth living. It just makes so much sense to me; death is obviously the best way to avoid misery. The only negative I can think of associating with death is the fact that I couldn't experience pleasure. However, once I'm dead I won't care that I can't experience pleasure.

The only difference between dying now and dying in 80 years, is that I will have experienced more pain, as well as more pleasure. Pain that could've been completely avoided, and pleasure that I wouldn't care about not being present. I don't fear death, so why continue?

""The absence of pleasure is only bad if there is someone who exists to experience it.""",6.201686046511625,6.23770556395349,7.102883720930233,74.77351162790698,66.03488372093022,10.135813953488373,32.89767441860465,9.888512548439397,3.0832818604651155,695,27,133,14,10,233,93,172,0.324,0.613,0.062,-0.9945,1,2,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,8,16,0,3,9,0,19,3,0,2,3,22,27,10,7,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,10,7,1,3,2,1,10,9,19,20,6,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,8,91,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524173940398307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678196216860594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408709384594598,0.13421160167037582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26078269107964985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340891696171166,0.0,0.0,0.10210894965025856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654571547539141,0.1336167715692908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844694697243131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752999076006374,0.0,0.14391066556264792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878230695930874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437109955461827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033177360261503,0.0,0.0,0.22585663700630104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536689185691583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020797692436499,0.0,0.09401312049656377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361975972464215,0.08666088734375092,0.2917960123997101,0.2721657978970053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208450897503112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149117845533592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835992361907598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988979449017866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458382967011662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868282272788905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151232509086676,0.0,0.0,0.11498755810922782,0.0,0.3461997565625877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235631458441882
suicidewatch,karennahir,2019/04/02,"I wish I were dead I am dead on the inside. No matter how hard I try to make things right and feel alive. Even though I have been in a mental hospital, I still think that suicide is an answer, and at some point I'm gonna give in. That's the truth. Maybe I'm gonna say goodbye soon. Life is too hard to handle these days. When I think I can actually be happy, people throw their problems at me like I'm their saviour. I am a simple human being with problems too! Why can't I choose how to die and be left alone for once and forever? I wish I were dead right now.",0.8707004470938919,2.4483374262295143,2.566602086438152,96.41543219076007,80.47540983606558,5.419970193740686,17.648286140089418,6.11248444174946,-0.5086327868852458,434,8,105,3,11,143,80,122,0.253,0.617,0.131,-0.9545,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,0,10,5,0,0,5,0,13,1,0,3,1,20,25,8,5,4,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,4,15,3,10,17,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,6,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.16487893127706074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498984683190885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089641279144095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535204352031122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159536570009863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543039466582311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208019996095366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985925539467887,0.3027069055322247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357369066086426,0.0,0.11934024615547945,0.08254449247095402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127809792880852,0.0,0.16974132498249586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027023008683198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993507857685032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713441352077432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972020855965188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32334055545907336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28857893531429124,0.0,0.13436242409829682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493031909137976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481296052637292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224838898414333,0.21652331675176026,0.16600067492714515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471159707647688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524585887460468,0.0,0.3885874203891035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I-Am-Gaynadian,2019/04/02,Bye I can't do this anymore. There is zero point to my continuined life. I have no job. I have no friends who actually give a shit about me. I have no family. I have nothing. I don't even have fucking food to eat. I'm a worthless piece of shit.,-1.499198113207548,0.4790808490566079,1.4654481132075468,96.35590801886794,99.0,4.914150943396227,19.83254716981132,6.6274283507984215,0.2645867924528309,187,7,45,3,8,65,36,53,0.305,0.639,0.057,-0.9118,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,0,9,6,2,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,8,1,4,12,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,3,0,1,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.24664159544967665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25065404241052264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586201154579756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693496754179785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382644628197245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056189367784777,0.0,0.1952693163534974,0.2336576702742379,0.0,0.24245498681694794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508093296537516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785204967375945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24251459625580185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892468709971795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188759790451642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,salic912,2019/04/02,"I’m ending it all tonight I have finally gained a courage to clean and load my rifle after many months.I have been extremely suicidal and finally my time has come.I’m an ultimate failure of this ruthless society.My ex has left me,so did my friends.What’s the point of living anymore?Now just before i put the barrel of the gun in my mouth,i wanna thank you all for listening to my last cry for help.My suffering is finally over.",3.5528571428571425,5.310333023255817,4.8432890365448475,82.22081395348839,73.4186046511628,9.100332225913624,29.727574750830563,9.606745405546679,2.918822591362128,344,15,67,9,7,114,64,86,0.18,0.701,0.119,-0.7713,0,0,0,2,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,8,2,11,8,2,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,8,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880615533229086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100940330466786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308192317062489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611385320652532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6905653021268201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084649903886504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128495566222918,0.0,0.0,0.2283081394093004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554967969295175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130400327978518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986418833278572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123987221174167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984940273631502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346055641438384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252917954849915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ass_Clapptron_3000,2019/04/02,"My experience Not even sure if this fits here but I felt like sharing my story


About a month ago I tried and failed to commit suicide 
I woke up at three in the morning drank about 5 beers ( I'm a lightweight and hadn't drank in months) got drunk and then ate 5 fairly strong weed edibles. Around 4 am I took 70 zoloft and 30 extra strength tylenol. I then went to sleep but woke up around 6 am and puked several times before falling asleep again. 

At 820 I woke up, realized that I wasn't dead and called my mom ( who I live with) and told her to call an ambulance. She came downstairs and immediately started yelling ""no more drugs' then walked away  and waited for the ambulance. Next time I saw her the paramedics were there and she just looked at me and sighed. 

I went to the hospital told them what I took then overdosed. Next thing I know I woke up after being in a coma. 

One of my first memories after the coma is my mom spoon feeding me

I spend about 3 days in the icu and after I got my catheter and diaper off I had to practice walking a fair bit, and after a few days I was send from the ICU to a psych ward. 

I ended dropping out of college


I'm no longer suicidal ",2.040295454545454,3.97745874166667,3.0212121212121232,92.83227272727275,78.25,6.196969696969697,22.57575757575757,7.1686216300943375,0.5967916666666664,918,28,202,11,22,292,144,240,0.131,0.764,0.105,-0.7662,0,0,2,0,1,2,16.0,0,0,1,4,10,7,0,0,14,0,9,13,2,0,2,30,33,21,3,1,5,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,19,6,1,3,2,1,9,5,1,1,3,23,4,31,5,34,9,4,48,0,1,2,0,14,17,0,1,22,128,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500563169077554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099010352462385,0.0,0.0,0.12189388762967178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039817602776032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416411841498971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649556719954439,0.1483866417845752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734160557107522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045583629490664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491008175482086,0.0,0.0,0.0856912638497622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690945620139213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456960836394818,0.0,0.0,0.11035576993983257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752796477822455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130105987583235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338383175052383,0.0,0.1145617507549962,0.0,0.1089479292201494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038970646889963,0.20711256903895706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759574036594833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791437885267565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465679325008372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983251102993293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182980116708188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838264127541115,0.0,0.12227729793885155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861927039425658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130349296078624,0.0,0.0,0.2479419955343249,0.2882891948150168,0.08808413924754313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405383629929764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cam_Leon,2019/04/02,"No More Tears, But I'm Still Bleeding My medications have made me unable to cry. The combinations of mood stabilizers, antidepressants, and antipsychotics make me somewhat numb. As if the sadness is in another room, talking to me. 

But the medicine doesn't stop the thoughts. The thoughts are there. Always telling me I am unworthy. Whispering that nobody likes me. Screaming that I am ugly and unlovable. 

I feel too broken to be fixed. I've tried raking the ashes and starting over again, but I cannot pull myself out of these patterns. I get better, then I fall. I fall, then I climb back up. I understand life is a cycle and it's to be expected, but where can I get off? 

I am done with crying as much as the medication prevents me. I am ready to slip back into self destruction. I am ready to bleed, to bruise, to get high, to be intoxicated and to be a whirlwind of mania. 

But I know I cannot do that. I cannot act as broken as I feel. I cannot slice my skin into the ugliness that permeates my brain. I live in the real world. I have a cushy technical support job I am failing at, a fuck buddy who will never commit to be, and a family who flinches every time I close my bedroom door. 

I think I've stayed because I have to. I've remained out of duty. The medication stopped the tears to help me hide the pain. Now it's my turn to stop the bleeding, force it down. ",1.7871637122002078,4.051303029197083,3.5578154327424407,86.98425182481752,80.75182481751825,6.542022940563086,24.01929092805005,7.7094869923839395,1.276755370177268,1066,39,218,18,28,356,148,274,0.209,0.706,0.085,-0.9869,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,3,8,12,2,0,18,0,26,13,2,2,2,37,43,19,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,1,10,2,3,1,10,12,0,5,7,0,0,5,7,8,0,0,4,5,37,3,35,33,3,35,0,2,0,1,6,16,1,2,14,153,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120740413523925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123568523896174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20713875748155766,0.0,0.08210663215097473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912360478703105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036015644124465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959043741140852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783607423299893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348332042536392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697507222575424,0.0,0.13620804580866214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452003629941548,0.2111121044776172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028081160346216,0.14230886761413494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336604392060507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402287534732499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513652476233676,0.0658034184186813,0.0,0.118934980917202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744826694325756,0.08990756073003846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070622698889412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990136826655528,0.0,0.10388231730471592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332115455297562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330830999587414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051251363937856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533527182903168,0.14356311965651705,0.10756473240974336,0.33782414448792425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284621362299608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825985172345776,0.117726227348415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630481564006443,0.0,0.21385986553745887,0.07853964315926938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144662464978803,0.14650557428295458,0.0,0.14021850586645082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pumpkinsbean,2019/04/02,"I can’t I’m beyond done. I don’t think I can go on. I feel beyond awful. My relationship just failed so badly and it’s my fault. I don’t see a point in continuing. I won’t ever forgive myself or move past this. I needed a push to make me follow through, just like I did last time, and I feel like this could be it. Not for a few days but, I can’t forgive myself. The world doesn’t need me. I feel empty.",-2.4551282051282044,-0.77679402197802,0.9100659340659368,99.3432673992674,104.6043956043956,3.3057875457875454,11.561172161172161,5.2151,-1.4896643223443229,308,5,77,2,15,109,59,91,0.136,0.765,0.098,-0.458,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,1,11,0,0,1,1,18,22,5,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,2,4,17,4,7,17,1,16,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,1,8,53,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205632989673802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19663403970682536,0.0,0.0,0.15882982164418366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252029305337139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277379298004588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735787531403866,0.17594203354973564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399662434007436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075055977264744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24063932356104395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643933941200672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26175599836830515,0.0,0.3652260695294153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510152898065545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328136123700081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26441187952474265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962527746837997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578058781349699,0.0,0.0,0.1436074831425992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idontcareanymore2019,2019/04/02,"I asked my girlfriend to go live at her mom's So this is a long and complicated story and I don't want to bore anyone and type out way to much so..  
Me and my girlfriend had been together for almost 6 years. Through those years we would fight a good bit but we were steady and loved each other. I had my issues and she had hers. Over time certain things kept escalating and eventually i found out that the guy she was talking to for a while, I guess became an interest of hers.. and he likes her.. Prior to the break up I had been working a lot and she has anxiety issues and a panic disorder, and I get that. It's made me leave a few jobs including my most recent because she starts feeling unloved and lonely and I hate that.. I don't like to see her that way, so I would leave my job and spend time with her for a month or more until i found something new. 

Well I found out about her interest in this guy (I knew they had been talking i was ok with it). one morning (A few days ago) I was going on her phone to look up some stuff while mine was dead and she was asleep. I went into her messages and it made me see that she was being flirty with this dude.. So i flipped out and told her to leave.  
I drove her to her mom's house with a lot of her stuff. I told her it was over and I couldn't take it anymore. After a day we started messaging again and it's been so back and forth emotionally and i tried asking her to come back and she doesn't want to be with me but (She loves me). Eventually it got me to the point where i attempted to drive my car off a cliff at 85mph or so a few times but everytime it just gets too hard and i turn the wheel and brake..

Today after attempt number 3 I went to see her and begged her to come home just to be in the same house as me and I agreed to let her live here and she can do whatever the hell she wants. as long as i can be near her.. I don't know how this is going to go, i'm just kinda cucking it out i guess.. she hasn't met the guy but she talks to him a lot.. I just feel like one of these times i'm gonna just end up killing myself..",1.1635520519360083,2.4705719074889885,2.7928217018316737,96.31899373985628,78.8237885462555,6.100533271504752,19.4363552051936,6.7183091564049375,-0.14781850220264306,1602,34,400,15,38,528,204,454,0.12,0.7909999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9377,2,2,1,0,1,2,42.0,3,0,1,3,20,19,4,1,21,1,36,3,1,3,1,84,82,46,2,6,11,2,3,3,2,3,0,0,1,3,24,44,0,2,7,0,1,11,6,8,1,2,31,7,80,11,56,42,13,61,1,1,4,2,58,20,1,11,30,285,104,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938674423409451,0.0,0.07838187337577439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059880747227020935,0.0,0.07762852717785364,0.05473223603473565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463545507074037,0.0,0.0,0.1203784657380802,0.0,0.047716180812445316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545686392166033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485528389525375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096278777636808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897108100602579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804970183633748,0.0693290957618397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915715907047836,0.055920223325627266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25747601367208195,0.0,0.0,0.08179171470929095,0.0,0.17794368818196366,0.065653999286424,0.06260428120688208,0.0,0.17245916367697747,0.2325159464070431,0.0,0.0,0.070119711979197,0.07728111407190151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851697615269737,0.0,0.0,0.1806394503867237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339912737255782,0.15535324047634946,0.0,0.08660053826403677,0.0,0.04301831425548405,0.0,0.0,0.2486482042199697,0.0,0.08004227473165834,0.0,0.11472475715125957,0.0,0.13823787203778454,0.13854318055782927,0.06573192971939547,0.0,0.0,0.19964177288032264,0.14129387095951468,0.14813284604135554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335126368214869,0.0624789701351861,0.0,0.057541695003252125,0.0,0.0,0.07559922318507728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608337053183063,0.0,0.0,0.09183974669229543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399590043556385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772878762950732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871269548357777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026050936502809,0.0,0.0,0.11080798101749197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921405097228227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885363497158318,0.18874528856815528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052002941207161264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825729160120297,0.0,0.07419627422660703,0.14959169891165522,0.0,0.05314410739017634,0.08514155664870503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850722565284868,0.12426332023864972,0.0,0.0,0.0703793147482192,0.14512483976747842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569856903715324,0.0,0.0,0.11120971755476307,0.0,0.0,0.10081405468466977
suicidewatch,sixhunnidsixtysix,2019/04/02,I'm going to either blow my head off or admit myself into the mental hospital I will decide tomorrow morning ,9.03142857142857,7.709646428571428,11.142857142857142,52.57714285714289,60.904761904761905,12.20952380952381,35.285714285714285,11.20814326018867,4.619057142857144,89,3,11,2,1,33,20,21,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36747549387495904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.663594194728205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6516168399637782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smolcaliforniaroll,2019/04/02,"is life really worth it i mean so far, it’s been a series of unfortunate events and pain and loss and heartbreak. i don’t think i can go on for much longer. i’m 15 and i’m incredibly depressed. i go to therapy, but it’s useless and i’m getting progressively worse. every night before bed i wish to die in my sleep, but when i wake up in the morning, i cry because i’m still here. worst thing is that im too scared to do it, i wanna die and all but im scared. all i do is hurt myself and im constantly crying. i feel unloved and completely insignificant in the people i love’s lives. i feel selfish for this but im tired of being the second or third or eighth choice. my life’s gone to shit, i despise myself, literally nobody really cares about me and my grades are dropping. i’ve been depressed for about 4 years now, but it’s been a whole lot worse recently. people say they care about me, but i know that it’s just out of pity. if i disappeared i’d be forgotten about within a few days.",0.9521428571428564,2.939918119047622,3.1442857142857186,90.33071428571432,82.09523809523809,6.476190476190476,20.47619047619048,7.62386473244151,0.6441904761904761,775,22,174,13,21,264,119,210,0.376,0.569,0.055,-0.9979,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,1,2,11,18,2,2,6,0,13,8,3,0,2,30,30,20,2,3,10,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,10,10,0,0,5,0,1,4,1,15,0,2,4,3,23,3,22,24,7,22,0,7,0,1,3,8,1,4,9,108,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086466834995755,0.0,0.0989198351001964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370484001548616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188547868816647,0.12562450353697593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538942209125165,0.07497136557913063,0.0,0.20025119535105348,0.0,0.2412974326768395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794528961324483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755856670723384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073561041516235,0.0,0.1321346368598532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444758564188088,0.0,0.5022780036093617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388773201844405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642210403382252,0.0,0.0,0.10265051381486966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883124049380228,0.1049197896284292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266298783768707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854568212139127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090923610578015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369775521001025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611856508384303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894492246363716,0.0,0.11478244125720985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244633633083478,0.2327722300410705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932852899597556,0.0,0.0,0.11633353959123327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283706917064072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329415323063546,0.0,0.07723105913176226,0.07448804045563075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361179756283573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129788510733148,0.13368128626847953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23693651827172985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486092168948558
suicidewatch,beyondbroken1,2019/04/02,"Unable I tired, but my body did not want to die. My face was red and my veins were budging when I got up. Why am I telling the internet this, its probably a bad idea. Later I beat myself with a belt to feel something. I'm so alone. I'm so empty.  Its been so long. I cried silently on the bus, some people laughed at me, called me ""American Psycho"". Went to a job interview, and pretend to be normal; I can pass for normal if I try, but it hurts. I Haven't worked since my old boss tired to sexual assault me last January, and I'm going to go broke soon; I'm not sure if I care. Interviews make the flash backs worse, but I manage. I wore this shirt when he first pushed the stall door open, I realize, but I try to stay focused. I hoped the pain would stop, but it did not. The interviewer was unusually condescending and rude; I apologized to her. Why am I apologizing to strangers who can't be civil? The interviewer wields the caustic sterility of professional language with such precision. Later I feel so empty, like I'm not even corporeal. My neighbors are made at me again. My neighbors hate me for crying at 3 am most nights; they're scared of me and pity me. I don't blame them. They always slam their door, and stomp on the floor when they walk by me, but they ever speak to me. They hear me begging to die in ragged whispers through the paper thin walls. I have no friends in the city. My old friends are all gone now. Most people are indifferent or hostile, but the homeless junkie sleeping in front of my building is always friendly, if he's conscious. I want to feel something so badly. I think about asking him where he buys his Fentanyl, but there are cheaper, faster ways to die. I don't recognize the city I grew up in anymore, I'm no longer a part of it. I feel so lost on streets I've walked a thousand times. Maybe tomorrow will be the day, I don't know. ",2.6634631962864717,4.4117953289124685,3.7468625663129984,89.18313204575598,75.81697612732096,6.940616710875332,25.04384946949602,7.756953410329674,1.1866287135278517,1457,50,312,21,32,471,210,377,0.245,0.652,0.103,-0.9957,2,1,2,0,0,1,56.0,0,0,6,4,20,20,4,1,19,0,26,8,5,3,4,51,54,27,3,9,16,0,5,1,5,2,3,3,4,0,8,9,0,1,9,1,1,10,11,12,0,2,12,9,53,8,36,37,5,51,0,4,1,0,29,18,0,8,22,191,61,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796645722588727,0.0,0.0,0.1734805036983371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338310118491886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745507144552268,0.0,0.0,0.08015802667086831,0.17408056370123545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579277601984067,0.0,0.0,0.1064458750940938,0.0,0.10628479975623037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22901663600425176,0.06722944827152103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324569783601103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885288772805492,0.09429563690472724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083776501246385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867080605943749,0.0,0.0,0.24161845502360105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848975492209153,0.0,0.08337430805291178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029204279178694,0.0,0.0,0.11749177386265736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353887922707404,0.0,0.0,0.11159650697032868,0.1176799989540932,0.0,0.0,0.10344714992965512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729036601828146,0.08497364810966739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092887717170543,0.0,0.0,0.0922536094319764,0.0,0.0,0.11379581177484688,0.0,0.0,0.09863920885692436,0.06958439587582044,0.0,0.10472818757760244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782693949748658,0.20427607693567704,0.0,0.0,0.2187753369504429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092410777041482,0.0,0.0,0.11288725572993324,0.0,0.14454081623624815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239382039732693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436750403109177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623260183768934,0.0,0.10432035780296443,0.0,0.0,0.16050590069462914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111113778444358,0.0,0.08715354902888314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824974785567983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111478881488552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679603371200675,0.0,0.0,0.06078614053327721,0.2396287532800671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155112383140034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297289020829573,0.08274488694325824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663622729664924,0.18812992866244047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589165488448574,0.0,0.10623463555542904,0.07405270910505124,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bornlifted,2019/04/02,"I think I'm finally ready This has been building up for too long.   I have tried to ignore the feelings for quite some time.  I'm sick of feeling so inadequate at everything.  I'm tired of trying to be happy or acting like it may get better.   I'm sick of opening up to people  or loved ones only to have my feelings ignored or downplayed.  I've had other health issues for the last 10 years that have made enjoying life a living hell.   I need to just accept that things don't always get better.

I've thought about the burden this will put on my family.  My mom and girlfriend have been keeping me going in a lot of ways.   I broke up with my girlfriend today who I absolutely adored.  I felt more and more lately that I was just another burden and annoyance then anything else to her.  I don't want her to find out or know either.  Sad thing is, she didn't even care.  She didn't even bat an eye.  I think that only helped me in realizing how worthless I am. I was just a blip on the radar.

I hate to think about my mom finding me, or how she will deal with it.  I also think maybe i'm just being selfish and thinking i'm more important then I am.  Maybe she won't even care.   I've had a good run.  I'm ready to move on from it all.",2.125355282738095,3.568905839843751,3.7299107142857153,90.03354166666668,76.5390625,6.4386904761904775,21.956101190476193,7.07126945348624,0.5160601190476188,949,25,209,10,21,316,139,256,0.187,0.6829999999999999,0.13,-0.944,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,14,22,3,0,9,0,24,7,1,3,1,45,53,15,0,2,10,2,4,1,2,4,5,0,0,0,13,8,0,3,15,0,0,5,5,11,0,1,11,5,28,11,31,36,7,26,1,3,1,1,14,11,1,8,10,136,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218485533374833,0.09591749289296612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208752059948101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486096730433627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039015882298356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23505976309535634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118842792250092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629692699786747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284128612215647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360115204483243,0.0,0.10867039718415264,0.0,0.17485852354611625,0.0,0.11068145257508308,0.12627741488153588,0.2107173334265781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045217927067395,0.0,0.0655130690961785,0.09668665487687512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227116881426867,0.0,0.11380955442139284,0.0,0.12253124262963185,0.0,0.0,0.07726596632772745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031647125204065,0.0,0.10246113802310146,0.0,0.0,0.0633517675847815,0.09396397998499184,0.1300344867904263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142168184210061,0.056317224241615164,0.0,0.10178936218585152,0.10201417148786948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980021293614156,0.1040396006805423,0.10907537634262164,0.0,0.0,0.23161715520806836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700158489284989,0.0,0.1225183900831253,0.0,0.08547446922719641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811288227880807,0.175342673914649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991671927694978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588255984184667,0.0,0.12260845967586835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316631077244738,0.3693157416691975,0.0,0.09151495692156547,0.06721739997631036,0.13249090675721553,0.10926660427800232,0.0,0.0,0.15652743247389886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799179775897073,0.09149941274219778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423290140720074
suicidewatch,thebends294,2019/04/02,"I want to get better but I don't want to go to therapy I'm a high school senior, been suicidal and depressed for like six years now. I'm fucking terrified of graduation and college and all of that and I've been planning to kill myself before I turn 18 since I was a freshman. I'm 17 now, and I guess I realized I have two options: either I tell someone how I feel or I die. The thing is I know I don't really want to die, that I'm just scared and don't know what else to do, and I have a family and friends who would be devastated if I did it. So more and more I've been trying to figure out how to talk about this, but the problem is I don't know what I want from a conversation like that. If I tell my mom and she suggested something like therapy, I wouldn't want it. I don't want to talk to a stranger about things I've never said out loud before and I don't think that if they offered me advice I'd really listen to it. But what else is there? I know you can take medication like antidepressants or whatever but I don't know if my situation calls for it. I also feel like maybe I'm just suddenly trying to reach out because it would help me avoid doing grown up things for a little while longer, like I would be doing it for the wrong reasons, not to really get better but just to put the rest of my life on hold. ",4.5602112676056334,3.8985261126760578,6.0825,83.06875000000005,69.56338028169014,9.635211267605632,27.609154929577464,9.188382445141503,1.8691028169014088,1032,28,237,18,16,355,130,284,0.17600000000000002,0.685,0.139,-0.9755,0,1,1,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,1,3,12,16,2,2,10,0,27,3,0,3,2,60,55,27,4,15,16,1,2,6,1,4,2,3,0,0,18,14,0,2,11,0,0,3,10,7,0,2,6,5,33,9,29,43,5,17,0,1,0,1,17,7,1,8,13,159,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755133819162906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983288360478026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060854579029125735,0.0,0.16989354675097673,0.0,0.0,0.17658054244429666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193614710576217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598221424664919,0.0,0.20721262130011325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667879466032935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410950571304587,0.0,0.10095266449152014,0.07131756129166515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771273173744596,0.09228991850206378,0.10431263110240474,0.0,0.05673488558193177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997244149242842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669129964365647,0.10547438134894883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044553880932406,0.0,0.27431589871473233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051188208597435,0.2926272254730691,0.1000544683902922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029123181704834,0.0,0.0,0.10056679719929223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691803258199182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769939592276104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552247399607368,0.0,0.10035530107613352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185824401849136,0.10264041212537477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495984514516438,0.0,0.09994582913213228,0.10103185792682956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257923736799685,0.11221151254142568,0.0,0.0,0.08458443637657394,0.07685292215451188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919626949334148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505867233186855,0.16047687086403986,0.17450916736669236,0.0,0.22832537489734755,0.0,0.19896502873168634,0.06396612656460153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355541130091587,0.10858483431662312,0.09751802218641548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35328891650933786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127460883450867,0.10914688668186452,0.0,0.06428633593045979
suicidewatch,dominationdomi,2019/04/02,"Yea my thoughts.. So hello this is my first time posting here...
And I'm just hate myself I have barely slept these past couple of weeks and the only thing I could think about was ending it and how I hate myself... I feel like I only cause hurt and that people would be better off without me, I know it sounds cliché but I've thought about it rationally and at the start it might cause hurt but in the long run people would be better of... Help me... ",1.0801098901098882,3.368816846153848,1.963395604395608,97.1941043956044,83.83516483516482,4.07956043956044,14.594505494505494,4.935628992294339,-1.1591942857142858,347,5,76,1,10,108,61,91,0.118,0.768,0.114,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,2,0,3,1,9,1,1,3,0,21,19,9,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,4,2,12,3,8,9,0,12,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,8,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29183317579279616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33897185635155963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172778613843866,0.18255371871125095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612850372555325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342180932137162,0.11786593309457953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033689031043245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257787640665198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058654584241508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532415561267039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067191524528133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060375863154133,0.0,0.0,0.1460072964592026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502392755173213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509583658702723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749767424072675,0.2287608467202809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158010849915087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677784261429935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960927593856076,0.10571627881594232,0.0,0.26196069135918104,0.09620458317131908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234170705747772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904048386023573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344024460068581,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,braingoesahh,2019/04/02,"Feel like I've done so much damage to this world and people I really actively do try to be a good person and do what I can to amend my ways and help people out and make things right all the time but I think I'm past the point of any type of redemption.

​

Reflecting on my past I realize there are multiple instances of being in someway abusive. Being a drunk creep, not going about consent in the best way, allowing my emotions to cloud my judgement in relationships and end up being an asshole. Every person I've felt like I've wronged I've reached out to them if I can and they've seemed forgiving (or didn't know what I was talking about) but I can't shake it that I don't deserve to be here and I am lying to everyone and everyone I love and everyone that loves me. 

​

I've been trying to get a therapist/help but my town is so hard to get one in and I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope for myself and the world would be better without me",5.593184057321988,4.81193312807882,6.488060904612628,81.41595163457234,67.47290640394088,9.943394536497983,31.26242722794447,9.339509955726095,2.4691714285714284,767,26,164,13,11,256,115,203,0.107,0.706,0.187,0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,7,12,0,1,9,0,20,3,0,2,1,34,34,18,0,2,8,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,13,1,0,9,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,5,4,21,9,26,22,3,23,0,1,0,2,9,14,0,3,8,109,28,1,0.0,0.1383863634456356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25310086186622666,0.2838443645835168,0.07942654897809483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257214668506458,0.10329821440349778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952476063926895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138187029827836,0.20689647045505147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840723327234573,0.33481607729873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181130133240934,0.166880826960082,0.11214426055087058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204412086918705,0.0,0.06637891461737996,0.09796450230854087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462793981661823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657428517562005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418904852704586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118460198837215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082925485482606,0.0,0.07796347752731972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585986496254587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914525170070083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299354386387,0.16194585778290793,0.20396676995169571,0.0,0.0,0.11041172872680287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482369896238751,0.0,0.0,0.12539718969624505,0.0,0.09974473302259433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063283837962605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387769447217163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561131596194367,0.07759530735842468,0.07483935166317528,0.0,0.0,0.0681057705795995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859615827506265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541740723635367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258896769361884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296984761428361,0.127700123081162,0.2838443645835168,0.0
suicidewatch,SadCoconut_,2019/04/02,"If I just died everything would be better I wouldn’t be miserable 

I’d be free. 

If I can’t love myself, then what’s the point in living? 

I have no future. There’s nothing in this world for me, or wants me. I’ve been rejected years ago, and I now accept it. I’m too lonely! I can’t feel this way forever. I have to die, it only makes sense. My life has no point or value. I don’t matter. I’m not lovable or able to love. Death is the only answer to this equation. I just don’t know how-I can’t figure out a way yet. All I know is my days are numbered. I refuse to feel this way forever. ",-1.5055321059721614,0.4229336870229048,1.5572788504714872,97.62268971710823,93.80916030534351,4.6090704984283795,14.576111360574766,6.2272716619740125,-0.7027596766951052,447,9,110,5,17,157,77,131,0.218,0.635,0.14800000000000002,-0.8693,0,3,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,3,0,17,3,0,1,1,24,27,7,3,5,8,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,7,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,1,2,16,6,8,21,1,16,0,3,0,2,3,6,0,5,7,68,23,0,0.18550380041702474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443792641084867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406303666241634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196346049224686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850473151196722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671885446072102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759259051280414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389607473140905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102682023367895,0.0,0.0,0.1638032543554043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33484884485656724,0.0,0.12382522723898134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799589956529915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282167998677078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507221030425257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941494772370176,0.4417328468395775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177657745220794,0.0,0.0,0.11945836548756275
suicidewatch,jeffbezosnew,2019/04/02,"I used to help a lot of people from this sub, and now I need help The only person I ever trusted told me that he was manipulating me for a long time before now. I don't know what to do. I am scared of him. I am not even sure I know the real him.",-0.4431578947368422,0.6875474912280737,2.9331929824561414,94.33768421052632,82.85964912280701,5.261754385964913,14.908771929824562,5.6839178017228535,-0.9854112280701756,185,2,49,1,5,68,40,57,0.129,0.721,0.149,0.2819,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,2,2,11,10,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,11,2,6,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270454464896721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623308609864413,0.2413553250372399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576896578460378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932762398288986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361286335316857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268420999925317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784476339019205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292977626241526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498043403161285,0.23297824439738704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037012847660066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671348716187184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514761086188249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558576396266932,0.0,0.0,0.2549593802413709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044810918245204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,consciousness_itself,2019/04/02,"Seriously thinking of jumping off a building after losing everything I'm 26 years old and seriously contemplating suicide. Today I lost $27,000, my entire savings, to market speculation (I don't want to go into the specifics). I worked so hard and long for that money. I am also about $175,000 in debt and I even owe money to the government in taxes. I graduated from pharmacy school 2 years ago and have not worked since. I have too much anxiety to work as a pharmacist--it was a terrible career choice. I live with my mom who makes the same amount of money per year that I lost today. She pays all the bills. It is so painful to think that she has to work for a full year on what I just lost in one day. I wish I could retire her--that was the driving force behind my speculation.  I wish I wasn't born. I didn't ask to be born. I just don't want my mom to suffer. 

​

I am so ashamed of myself for what I have done and how I have lived. I feel useless. The only thing that's holding me back from killing myself is that I don't want to hurt my mom. If she weren't around I would 100% end it all.

​

I really don't even know why I'm posting this. I don't know if my mom is enough to keep me from killing myself. The emotional pain is too much. The shame and guilt are overwhelming.",1.9740049751243771,3.7964877686567178,3.515000000000004,89.75083333333335,78.02985074626865,6.705472636815921,22.733830845771145,7.6454224807358475,0.8666189054726363,1014,31,222,15,24,335,142,268,0.229,0.735,0.036000000000000004,-0.9931,2,0,0,0,0,3,42.0,0,0,0,8,14,19,2,4,12,0,26,2,0,2,2,34,46,14,3,9,5,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,9,0,2,5,0,8,3,9,18,0,1,9,2,38,1,31,34,8,27,0,8,0,0,9,8,0,2,15,148,50,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097685350520997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305309448785352,0.0,0.1979568165968308,0.2220021157083265,0.0,0.0,0.06988300934866974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132146008536313,0.08540054114998287,0.0,0.0,0.07024302330980862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729360734215687,0.0,0.0,0.05891362223065151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348344745326652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275720363422182,0.08090957564192201,0.09438965741038312,0.0,0.12067250650987135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210008815418599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046189641441550036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051916688587786974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183225351531803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779277716749092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119666913003637,0.20213195410409365,0.0,0.1004078738657906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613286231604915,0.08084246465238118,0.0,0.1021980285071391,0.2991601287247323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097727881418241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279551831713994,0.0,0.0,0.13430650070565675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585715698890923,0.0,0.06190157536368416,0.06947629780870483,0.19440709836158368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748868624194023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585215757203642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245175083429068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556621479495115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992280164286256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060689323277156614,0.11706763621566152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317949977333305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164296862328714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242976725567944,0.0,0.21009751490297213,0.0,0.0,0.2660174909225039,0.0,0.0,0.06489289205158329,0.0,0.2220021157083265,0.2353073350703602
suicidewatch,883Guy,2019/04/02,"Losing my hair is the last straw that will make me gore my throat out I’ve been losing my hair over the last three years and it’s destroyed my self worth and will to live. I’m so terrified that at 24 years old, going bald will be the final nail in the coffin for my dating life, given I’m already so bad at talking to women, and everything I read online says once you go bald, online dating becomes impossible. I hate the idea that all I will be within the next year is just bald. I can’t stand that there’s nothing I can do. I’m talking to a therapist but I don’t think she’s helping at all. I feel so ready to throw my life away. I hate so much about myself besides this, and it’s become the crux of my self loathing.",2.2362770562770566,3.4276934285714304,3.5903246753246765,92.17929653679657,75.75324675324677,6.172294372294372,21.27489177489177,6.42735559955562,0.15027878787878812,564,13,128,4,12,185,91,154,0.153,0.792,0.055,-0.9365,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,7,6,3,0,8,0,13,8,6,1,2,13,24,9,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,3,7,5,0,0,3,1,1,3,2,6,0,1,2,4,19,0,15,16,3,22,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,0,10,77,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616060236030169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759017446633176,0.0,0.12227570352734007,0.0,0.3234746433634945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161558746617533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404714087230421,0.0,0.0,0.16042366146808013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664564709101757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28916881846937764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815919368314413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531891162650533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387449209258384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068772842119494,0.0,0.0,0.1293138776690503,0.0,0.0,0.3276696496254915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775337096039632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765414135551096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557462316327899,0.0,0.0,0.14051820931493145,0.0,0.15366970138008826,0.1559594587309026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464849242498662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645917573094253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30554876050104673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354143602542411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700342736893708,0.0,0.09383623124048494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829179039572677
suicidewatch,pojhvc,2019/04/02,"Disappearing I need to get away from my current life. I'm 21, 11K in savings, and a working laptop. I live in NYC, and I need to go somewhere cheap where I can get a job and a place to live so I can start over. I don't have a car, but I'd be willing to take a bus or train literally anywhere.


I have mental issues that make it impossible for me to finish college, and my parents are constantly flipping between verbally abusing me and trying to talk me off a ledge. I've been through around 8 different medications and 6 different therapists and they've all been false promises. I'm not so fucked that I can't live alone, and I've been able to hold down summer jobs in the past. I don't think I'll be able to solve any of my mental issues with my parents guilt tripping me every single day. I can't kill myself because I still have 1 friend that I care about, so that's not on the table as of right now.

Have any of you started over like this? What city would be the best to go to?

I am being dead serious. This is not a joke.",3.1642813455657475,3.7947524311926633,4.746807339449543,86.9157767584098,72.8532110091743,7.648195718654435,26.918654434250765,7.793537801064563,1.3639641590214064,802,27,179,10,15,271,130,218,0.076,0.758,0.16699999999999998,0.9725,7,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,1,0,2,8,11,2,1,10,0,22,3,0,1,1,23,37,14,2,3,5,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,1,1,1,5,7,4,0,0,3,0,23,7,30,28,3,28,0,0,0,1,5,13,1,1,11,115,31,5,0.25242111205681483,0.14953887079081346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071607293326964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165501208739398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235415305703014,0.0,0.0,0.11857897198613655,0.0,0.0,0.0769367835108887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245019197929195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868007336358345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638877394524598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139536749953223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26372633700432324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633783687057964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750996250872683,0.11667962531845733,0.1318796127524901,0.0,0.14345673502869796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634620599235331,0.25048900449984285,0.0,0.13963328059585292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914624821243887,0.06166010253404858,0.0,0.3343386997729813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424652618999097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271438571746957,0.25438111087410165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716705617383095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28028377291447243,0.0,0.1204822567512034,0.0,0.0,0.13186316850216162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778312524549777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866496231814724,0.0,0.10079191307710768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948946310358638,0.10144326416474146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654018322673704,0.0,0.08087062814411118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568868286480702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918827879491481,0.0,0.0,0.08965635784482444,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joshkirkaldy,2019/04/02,I've decided to kill myself tonight. Just thought maybe I should tell a stranger rather than anyone close to me. Thanks.,3.003484848484849,6.0893644999999985,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,85.81818181818181,4.751515151515153,25.51515151515152,6.42735559955562,0.7647696969696978,97,4,19,1,3,26,20,22,0.191,0.691,0.118,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138322568637119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965637134168325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450909896688535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922970592885942,0.4132222104286152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563207546858029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FavorFusion,2019/04/02,"So, I’m back I don’t really have anything to share. I really want to cry. But I cannot seem to. 

It’s been a long time since I’ve been this low. Since I’ve felt so full and overwhelmed that instead I don’t feel anything. 

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suicidewatch,kjiara,2019/04/02,"Don't have the skills I grew up isolated most of my young life. Had no friends and little interaction with others. I think this has left me incapable of building a normal social life. It feels like others see it quickly. It normally only takes a couple minutes for others to figure out something's off. I've tried to fix this by changing body language, speech, and relax myself through my breathing but it hasn't helped. The conversation skills are poor, I can't keep it going, and others seem to find me boring. I feel I've missed the proper development and am now doomed to be alone",4.473293650793653,6.3910241071428615,4.961547619047618,81.65567460317463,71.32142857142857,7.120634920634919,25.83730158730159,7.793537801064563,1.526871825396825,468,15,84,6,9,149,81,112,0.197,0.754,0.049,-0.9552,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,5,0,9,4,2,0,0,17,18,5,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,6,1,1,2,4,3,0,0,1,4,9,3,13,16,1,10,1,2,1,0,5,5,0,2,4,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811411219547736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392486137964744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278281620231352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330206485504201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129674952506728,0.15044994079327206,0.0,0.0,0.19248107754062616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270607298356235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968665251755138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411581687574911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718754581807787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288133470932351,0.0,0.2975005957276566,0.10288664752774336,0.2110726807365051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126790515167252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601678716464306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678178757854728,0.1917188371869492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467626698850706,0.0,0.1621272149316688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834210542012728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494151763072082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298097065537127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,000fdsaaa1,2019/04/02,"Been a while but I’m feeling it again Just feeling very alone and I don’t want to fall into another hole. I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning but never actually die. I couldn’t stand to live like that again. I try very hard to avoid things that trigger this feeling but here I am again just utterly without the energy to avoid the downward slide I know I’m heading towards. But I’m still conscious and aware of what’s happening. Like I was some prey animal being eaten alive, piece by piece, wondering when this will end. But I’m not completely helpless. We always have at least one option. Do I or don’t I? I dont honestly think I can reason my way out of wanting to end it. So what do I do? Fuck.",0.3398639455782302,2.655704244897958,2.4453401360544227,92.07644557823131,88.18367346938776,5.715646258503401,21.09183673469388,7.1686216300943375,0.7044122448979588,552,19,119,9,18,185,90,147,0.14,0.674,0.187,0.667,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,9,8,1,2,3,0,15,3,1,2,1,34,33,11,2,4,10,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,2,9,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,3,5,14,4,14,27,4,18,0,1,0,1,1,5,1,4,12,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.16619053753443533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763818850766017,0.0,0.0,0.141705206656602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857687402513409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855878495076966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674696302726867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995930982770334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016746861453181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444399621303804,0.1216640404404364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574417881587311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505978150461195,0.0,0.15255746430467393,0.0,0.17477935420750046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359372359409124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496033932535001,0.0,0.1503801044934063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134767930198515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540128700208177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509919051458198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360036851634367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314132107820465,0.10912287616434907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562412390664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810345660015582,0.30134623399113203,0.13517808692163685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416539836418728,0.18468564545803146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vnea,2019/04/02,i'm scared i want to leave this cruel world. why does my existence have to be so hard. i don't want to die. I want the pain to end. why does life have to be like this. I'm so scared. i don't know what to do . my soul is lost.,-3.4888888888888867,-2.0001210925925896,-0.5019444444444439,110.68375000000002,102.51851851851852,3.4407407407407407,8.601851851851851,5.148860815047168,-2.2967703703703704,167,1,52,1,8,57,30,54,0.303,0.544,0.153,-0.8865,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,2,1,0,8,2,0,0,0,4,15,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,6,1,6,12,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22861224615390854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855309266700987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509961140553336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973244913795518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105821231820645,0.0,0.0,0.23324102474304126,0.0,0.0,0.1555878174126002,0.10761597899047798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24045783785647565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343897433888536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410704395948689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38977438844086604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975305872571892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GrewUpaScrew-Up,2019/04/02,"One of theses days... I'm depressed af I might as well do it. It's been a long time coming and what's funny is that nothing actually happened to trigger it. One day I just woke up a little less enthusiastic for things to come, then another day passed and another. 

Now I'm here, barely able to get out of bed in the morning. At first I was afraid of hurting myself, but today it's just another Tuesday. I still get an instinct to keep myself from jumping at the last moment but let's put it this way if I had a convenience of owning a gun, I'd be dead by now for sure.

What's really tragic is nothing major happened to make me feel this way, I've lost all aspects of self control, like what's the point of not eating ice-cream for lunch? Why do something if I'll be gone tomorrow. 

At this point if I do kill myself, it will be out of fucking boredom it feels. Idk, I have noone to talk to about this, since I hate those people who use suicide as a cry for help, if I'm going to pull this shit then one day I'll just be gone, if I were to fail my own suicide that would be some kind of an epic fucking justice and just a dot on i of my incompetence.

There's not going forward I need to make a decision if I'm going to live the n I have to take control of my life since living like this is as good as dying, on the other hand i get this urges to just fucking jump in front of a train or just shove a knife down my chest when slicing bread, i used to be so ambitious, having interests, friends, girlfriend, a normal life now i have nothing just emptiness not even sadness, disgust form time to time but that's about it...

I don't even know where I'm going with this, I'm just writing things that pop in to my mmind, I'll end it here, sorr y for making you read this, you+re probalby a selfless person hanging in here trying to help others...",3.713875968992248,4.0144542170542605,4.960895090439276,87.06698604651164,71.42894056847545,7.432310077519381,27.107906976744186,7.087006719466742,1.168217240310078,1430,45,314,12,25,476,199,387,0.16,0.706,0.135,-0.9496,0,0,1,1,0,5,43.0,0,1,0,6,24,22,7,1,18,0,25,11,3,8,2,50,61,21,5,9,21,0,3,2,2,3,2,0,1,2,32,8,3,3,4,1,0,16,4,14,1,4,8,3,26,8,55,43,7,58,0,6,0,3,10,18,4,9,26,206,58,3,0.08916234929046499,0.0,0.08700959108398151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804834923185037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536109378795624,0.0,0.0,0.20000631271540698,0.0,0.0,0.09794065395419864,0.2300093563009281,0.0,0.07679540079300723,0.0,0.09253644164398783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123534272904836,0.0,0.0,0.07897137668398774,0.0,0.0,0.11778178159241713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901663256601979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584144875786226,0.0,0.0,0.06888660988504285,0.2472874655282385,0.139750942392039,0.0,0.2026920713956679,0.0747851483058326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769194202875536,0.0,0.0,0.08802936058614495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952728653547808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545013901501344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792515928118505,0.09864492898881372,0.0928488661140448,0.04900129537315984,0.07267921501196334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117454308348663,0.1259560082955806,0.08712044019819214,0.08936409777866594,0.15746397590688976,0.07890587334655681,0.0,0.0,0.09733123686499777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854968152512307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458716238796204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661127522268542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736017134539943,0.2566610365981785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125614625686715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061813946411251014,0.07785312424829896,0.0,0.0,0.1685744797953702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963278784303844,0.0,0.0,0.08918647788845982,0.0,0.05711968408790938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301577589578404,0.0,0.09152387024927408,0.14751203342273406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864153256206157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120516731906723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505827697776898,0.0,0.08403445901320253,0.0,0.06703899027514848,0.07166531894991224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847100596417832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559738486876682,0.0,0.08451548164750436,0.0,0.0,0.06053538239790459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401528433157188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154584540205176,0.0,0.0,0.08016765997980567,0.0,0.08045515191837017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333837474317026,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beater268,2019/04/02,"I don’t even know. I hate my job. It’s a soulless shuffling of paper every day for 8 hours. I have a wonderful girlfriend that is supportive of me, but why would anyone want to be with someone that has struggled with anxiety and depression for most of his life. My family is something else. By all appearances they are great, but my mother is the most critical person I’ve ever met especially of me. Yet I’ve never been able to cut them out. I’ve made huge mistakes in my past and hurt people, I shouldn’t have. It seems like most days I’m a terrible person that just needs to die. I try to make changes usually they just backfire. I’m sure this is just my incoherent depressed thoughts. I don’t even know why I wrote this besides to just be a whiney shit. It’s only suicide ideation as I doubt I’d ever actually go through with it. It would be amazing to go to sleep and never wake up. To never hurt someone again.",3.0782258064516133,4.668674887096773,4.40836559139785,85.5425483870968,74.3225806451613,7.540645161290323,27.45376344086021,8.238735603445708,1.7972047311827968,723,28,148,12,15,239,112,186,0.277,0.61,0.112,-0.9914,2,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,3,0,10,16,3,2,5,0,17,4,3,2,7,39,35,6,2,6,6,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,6,11,0,0,5,0,19,5,23,24,4,19,0,4,0,0,10,4,1,7,13,96,29,2,0.12770654831635733,0.0,0.12462316926569884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769515991381923,0.0,0.0,0.08929538790794438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509659483469186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647203175298116,0.0,0.2199869258692804,0.0,0.13253923488863786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668243417195468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686979414676235,0.2310357685800339,0.10759827489479576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039036816092027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515714881349345,0.0,0.0,0.14079692036250446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260837772940419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576522556643047,0.0,0.27342500252463386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672904376031485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036835827980454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902029118071659,0.06239096880045164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083902383209595,0.08524511265876804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946927874127809,0.2954854887616506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971265846720545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191035066510734,0.08853564084854522,0.2230168642372907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162592452646918,0.0,0.0,0.13108893665432922,0.0,0.0,0.12779877645825494,0.0,0.21641068793007254,0.09831474007138083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350661236463354,0.0,0.13969023624656088,0.14491987763833591,0.1203619104432475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138473440331468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670436342881217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065072072522025,0.0,0.07532463095956198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23047059274518195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849230405246188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143813568813685,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LuciferPleaseTakeMe,2019/04/02,"I think tomorrow is the day. I keep on postponing killing myself.  I keep on trying to find a reason to stay.  Like procrastinating on my own suicide. I tell myself ""If this person  reaches out I'll give it another try"" or ""If I reach out for help and they listen to me"". None of those things have happened. I think tomorrow is the day I finally go. I wish I had done it sooner because now I'll go feeling abandoned and being mad at those who I used to love whereas before I just felt lonely and burdensome.  I'm not sure why I'm writing this but I have to tell someone. I'm sorry for doing this to my family but I just can't anymore. ",1.7177989821882953,3.5720153282442766,4.070553435114508,85.32252226463108,78.92366412213741,6.809414758269721,24.65712468193384,7.793537801064563,1.3929384223918575,492,18,101,8,12,171,82,131,0.14,0.767,0.092,-0.7123,0,2,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,1,26,26,8,2,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,3,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,3,19,3,15,22,2,15,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,3,7,69,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537592372006794,0.0,0.0,0.16586678991130455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195388249547516,0.0,0.1423172009282852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572447807228248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711545407214944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766815973836454,0.0,0.08456648831838479,0.0,0.16058596818331392,0.18321390311245853,0.15286322240105374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604411801005391,0.19010375062313856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478983830807782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121039679339258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973184877464833,0.1850370451256581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170976952169601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509494103662626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603601231584404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196057690431354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417101527093927,0.0,0.0,0.18722237877571613,0.0,0.17826595792201935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294405789151866,0.0,0.15763089034510355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923672701042192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111328834329467,0.21433374630154814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271031749788225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444500665621334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509168664696321,0.0,0.19232893442404292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pale_Assistance,2019/04/02,"Less than 3 weeks until it's over, what would you guys put on your suicide bucketlist? I want to at least get out of the house and do SOMETHING before I take end it. What do you guys recommend? I'm thinking of climbing a nearby mountain or something, maybe go skydiving, I don't know.",4.204473684210527,5.229678526315791,4.665745614035089,86.99230263157897,70.75438596491226,7.1035087719298255,30.03947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.6528631578947368,224,9,45,2,4,71,46,57,0.08900000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.07,-0.4696,0,0,2,0,0,1,7.0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,11,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,9,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462840936652014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223400140786858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317793083875154,0.0,0.14334762539144566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994929819072602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910385474136456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386185317359665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533980597844959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535599386013164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38835660924471344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758977262917023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964491306270487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616182398972609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877127402679408,0.0,0.20232299130456116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917633488215515,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodyismename,2019/04/02,"Crying myself to sleep Hello reddit. I am a college student who has his life in shambles. I have radically changed my routine and now I study much more.

The problem is that this change in routine came with a cost, my mental stability. I cry when I wake up, when I get home and when I get to sleep, all secretly of course. I havent cried in years, and I believe that now I cry and have genuine thoughts of killing myself because I know how stupid I am and how much time I have lost. 

I want everything to end, I am so tired and it has only began. 

Anybody wanna talk? 

Thank you
",3.024358974358975,4.3370423760683785,4.204786324786326,88.07076923076927,73.95726495726495,6.567521367521367,27.52991452991453,6.937597516519254,1.2174888888888886,446,17,94,4,9,146,74,117,0.217,0.733,0.05,-0.9688,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,1,8,5,2,0,3,0,10,5,3,2,1,17,19,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,21,1,11,15,4,14,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,9,68,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904848697614487,0.0,0.0,0.16458116560712624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670756185251385,0.0,0.0,0.3090647182751189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418442972068633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938275813151145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128651045260234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264064135131258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652928648715624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161492333269187,0.0,0.08028127422377551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318001560065274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946263578938233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721341343470495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147699497670591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109976741243703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977800713233698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29236927022702897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741287815227065,0.0,0.13449004438575698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597051877621325,0.08517992040057433,0.1678964806040838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616126067122802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940701758056326
suicidewatch,JesusIsinControl,2019/04/02,"This is it I need help, nothing is getting better, Ive been trying to rely in Jesus but idk whats happening. Im always sad, there is no point to anything I feel like an empty shell. Everyone ignores me, every girl I tell that I like either friendzone me or like someone else, I dont want attention, I just need someone wo understands me... Im fading away, I will soon be forgoten... Noone seems to care about me and I am begining to fade away, and If i scream noone hears me. 
Addio tutti",2.693560606060608,4.199252434343439,4.492815656565657,84.89255681818184,75.16161616161617,6.970202020202023,25.506313131313128,7.6454224807358475,1.397231313131313,377,13,75,5,8,128,71,99,0.185,0.667,0.147,-0.27,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,15,20,5,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,15,5,8,17,1,10,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,9,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910309249295184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746073062744278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33671580937559364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848181834370298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826994041498161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001308911304445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969292023689865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097799470429385,0.17122677627236832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906054631716001,0.12801565378481075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362104807521483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845994989071105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196375329722666,0.0,0.12010942088296896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871187990175836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26263422995472085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26573896599216096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194070276095227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939548893599152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313075402983826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036596239875163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662275004418116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166041635326932,0.0,0.0,0.18654643481349406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569278871092468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoberSnake,2019/04/02,"Can't make life work Sober 2 days after a 2 week binge. But, I don't know what it's all for. I can't seem to do my work at the office. I can't seem to get out my shell. I can't seem to get back on the exercise train.

Where is the logical end? If I start drinking, everything will surely get worse in the long run. But, I don't think I can make it better even if I stay sober. So what's the point. Either way is misery.

I want to drink til I have the courage to permanently end the misery. But, I get so optimistic when I drink. I always feel like I can get sober and turn everything around. But, when I'm sober I can't. FUCK. I'm so fucked, I wish I could disappear. ",-0.9103020667726582,0.9828483513513504,1.5188076311605734,99.6796104928458,89.13513513513512,5.374244833068364,14.786963434022255,6.794906146795322,-0.6319440381558028,508,9,132,7,17,172,78,148,0.119,0.726,0.155,0.4712,0,0,3,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,2,0,8,0,15,7,0,2,2,24,36,13,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,7,4,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,1,19,4,13,34,2,22,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,5,12,76,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479287973231828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228126948866624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608189991434927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220134606782068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014897816580843,0.0,0.0,0.08897209548483463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40544168370155065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438132360855605,0.0,0.0,0.09112057080412067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797717763709795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975617918481562,0.09855788570896697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550816117398369,0.3603892291040087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581861887596213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744447075710368,0.06739976363268572,0.0,0.0,0.12208930994127197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417731138039456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041577920019146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767778799532574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976480392895574,0.14704586119910784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300246569371214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883985105073426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500596977305165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137175011068283,0.10950537556495192,0.1106623304651912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864595868753273,0.0,0.0,0.20087148529359236,0.0,0.14059193376480753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zerohopeanywhere,2019/04/02,"I have no title 

Sometimes I wonder I ever will live normal again.  I feel like I see the world in a different way for years. There’s only snippets of time that pass where I feel like I truly enjoy and feel like I belong. My friends and family think they know me, I don’t want to scare or burden  them with my thoughts. I have achieved and experienced desired things but find myself back in the same position.  I don’t cry for myself anymore I cry for my family and friends. They might never get the chance to know the real me. For now I suffer, my hope is constantly draining but the impact I have keeps me going. I believe I can do amazing things. I live my life alone, I’m closest to myself, closest to my biggest enemy. 

April 2 2019",1.493986486486488,3.8445868445945983,3.1661486486486474,88.83814189189192,82.58108108108108,5.591891891891892,21.41216216216216,6.9077264865688965,0.6454513513513507,575,18,114,7,16,190,90,148,0.175,0.655,0.17,-0.5873,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,6,11,0,1,6,0,10,1,0,0,2,27,25,7,0,4,3,0,3,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,5,32,8,12,22,1,19,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,4,12,79,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992162160085667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355719891170218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113069897040195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630883331063689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642778809965038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180112261301293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123725497294574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309383965898314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729226191898442,0.0,0.21957611028606092,0.31023713504514705,0.0,0.0,0.13230265103850194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236733612554282,0.0,0.07562805765301604,0.0,0.08226710710643152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377351143403355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866412049202927,0.0,0.0,0.15910616679025308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224412187217474,0.21215866616568554,0.0,0.255641095029305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535612550699941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164330773486644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182831175234195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009203762143664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647618889842061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492413522506076,0.0,0.11535029906190045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316553447423186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233642183539398,0.0927526006494583,0.0,0.11491860886343445,0.08440729643040848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537973545987257,0.11489908948071333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569796775980938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932169128257736
suicidewatch,Character_Two,2019/04/02,"I'm planning on an intetional OD at the end of next summer Nothing more to say. I just feel like I have nothing else to give to the world, and it has nothing left for me.",4.623243243243245,3.576649297297301,5.976351351351353,85.16560810810813,69.54054054054055,8.481081081081081,32.013513513513516,7.1686216300943375,1.7541459459459463,132,5,31,1,2,45,30,37,0.0,0.93,0.07,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,7,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21834693818247972,0.0,0.2315024346720191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321600609756011,0.18672777576325084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507366282640697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839868672754913,0.0,0.0,0.12769559593905944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27797739692348344,0.0,0.0,0.7523948214261036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785747544678507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkhowtobecreative11,2019/04/02,"What is wrong with me I have gone through every possible test at the doctors to try and find out why i have tremors and shakiness and zero answers or help. Ive tried so many drugs, PT, therapy, surgery, MRI, ct scan, ultrasound and many many blood tests. No answers, im exhausted. I want to just give up.",2.096,4.3678819333333365,3.0599999999999987,90.935,79.66666666666666,7.333333333333335,28.33333333333333,8.344100000000001,2.062333333333334,236,11,50,5,6,75,48,60,0.152,0.784,0.064,-0.6705,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,0,13,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,1,5,0,7,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,26,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575788282595032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24445558086363325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776040997674267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266305059778624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022140231911375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129162075100718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276950556179626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6411399301565223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763998534468364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24106275309618916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862322918789991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433250704964326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020993685723608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230471527811898,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,8n55k8,2019/04/02,"Why is life good? Every time I hear someone tell me “life is worth living” the less I believe it. In my opinion, anyone who says this is speaking superficially based on expected social norms. If you truly believe life is good, I envy you, as I’m not sure how you overlook the utterly evil nature of the human species and complete irrelevance of our world in the grand scheme. I have probably gone mad, but does anyone else feel this way? Existence is simultaneously a miracle and a joke.. ",6.13201465201465,7.189292769230776,7.052472527472527,71.51336080586081,66.36263736263737,9.583150183150185,32.74908424908425,9.725611199111238,3.234822710622711,386,16,67,8,6,129,68,91,0.08199999999999999,0.764,0.153,0.7834,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,3,0,0,1,7,2,0,6,0,6,3,0,1,1,10,10,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,10,5,6,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,1,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644989115901425,0.19379389308814907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261867688039556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983072473924157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551564866862792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800025278662014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935664352558598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563368836886962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172794062676013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317189900628747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007805871203516,0.0,0.0,0.1670120268397509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392239680266488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040986577395454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280203481950167,0.16025573312080782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826001462678473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531465923674568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028769576573903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012867797343826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066732773891738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justrambling2020,2019/04/02,"An Open Letter. Six years ago, I lost you. I will never forget the last words we ever spoke to one another, A promise to see eachother again in the coming week. But that week never came. You hung yourself mere hours after our last conversation. For a long time, I was angry. Angry with myself for letting you down. Angry at you for leaving me behind, We promised we never would leave one another. But you did, You left. I was angry at every one who ever knew you for not doing enough to save you. But how could they have known? Only a few people did. Not a day goes by where I don't miss you. Our favorite restaurant, our favorite park. I pass by them every day, and I think about you. The fountain where we sat past midnight after you broke up with him, just talking. I never got the chance to tell you I love you. But I did. I still do. But who am I saying it to? You've been gone longer than our time together. But it was when I was happiest. My life has been a wreck since then. And it only gets worse. Not a day goes by where I don't think about joining you. It was after all of this, that I stopped being mad at you. I finally understood what you saw. You knew that the future only held pain and agony for you and you wanted to leave it on your own terms. I find comfort in the fact you aren't suffering anymore. That you no longer know life's pain, or have to battle it's trials every day of your life. But you're there, and I'm here, and you're gone, and I'm not. And nothing I can ever say or do, or beg or plead or cry and scream will bring you back to me. Sometimes I like to make believe that when I do go, you'll be waiting for me on the other side. But I don't know if you will be. What really happens then, anyways? There's no way for me to know. 

So I'm writing you this letter. Maybe as a way of coping with myself. Coping with the guilt, coping with the loss. Not for what I've lost since, but everything I lost that day. I've never been the same. Neither has your best friend, But I made contact with him in 2017 and we have been supporting each other. He knew you better than I ever did. You were the first man I ever, truly loved. I've thought about trying anew, But that's not fair to them, because I can't move on from you. I can't make myself let go. I never liked that term, Let go. It implies that you and I are never together again. And we won't be. But you'll always stay with me somehow. And every time I play with a gun or tie a noose, only to untie it later, I wonder if you're waiting for me. Would you be ashamed of what's become of me? Would you want better for me? I'll never have those answers. I'll never know. 

But what I do know is, I love you. And I miss you ever so. The world is a darker place without you, it didn't deserve you. I didn't deserve you. But I would do anything just to speak these words to you and have you hear them. Unfortunately, I blew my chance when I did have it. And I can't change that. But maybe I can change my future, I haven't quite decided yet. 

Our time together was short, but it was the last time I was truly happy, and truly felt whole. I miss you. I love you. ",0.607171619245161,2.5480391918429035,2.3806533796275424,95.59290097849123,83.06344410876133,4.858583216846284,17.433467105559814,5.8321443036440765,-0.5216801911890698,2403,50,550,15,67,792,252,662,0.099,0.777,0.124,0.9764,0,0,0,1,0,0,97.0,11,44,4,9,30,33,2,2,24,0,67,9,0,4,17,125,119,50,0,9,33,0,1,2,1,10,5,6,0,1,34,35,0,4,18,1,0,10,30,16,0,5,38,9,119,17,63,62,11,89,0,9,2,4,82,20,0,10,58,406,153,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348680170709871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020680548669345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654121313027922,0.0,0.0,0.059839983642520675,0.0,0.0,0.04965378045319675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639689610608443,0.0,0.03678203855083412,0.0666395838051963,0.0,0.06798128731512569,0.06332196181243009,0.1067297222844108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901163680796038,0.0,0.0,0.1276611289908102,0.051976626864960365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817570858248825,0.0,0.06627945764485674,0.19456802121207645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234622204461576,0.0,0.0,0.3274799830107868,0.20335253108845694,0.0,0.05422872024727091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793481452463393,0.06609832487380088,0.05514866919962394,0.05132424471070026,0.0,0.0,0.04661769099794473,0.0,0.03152458927298827,0.0,0.1028759765630618,0.0,0.048258537158493695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053357497477593864,0.0642318900515743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800633513108202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594216704841458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580343045020235,0.14755279116166306,0.0,0.1916705754210152,0.0655584005894822,0.18510186595498201,0.1278574664333902,0.05895708567371486,0.0,0.0,0.053398035231102745,0.0,0.0,0.19760113898152867,0.0,0.2178328826884632,0.0570941341172553,0.08055337987077517,0.0,0.1212370872942775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413071061303137,0.0,0.0,0.4188337738105624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789681001534273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266161786422268,0.18356183543231616,0.1284097056185253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576003156134941,0.04183140174806154,0.0,0.06304131685717282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641778564087223,0.0,0.0,0.038654649824603184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959678436653878,0.0,0.0,0.04808229793665417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982593720398228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967672332740406,0.0,0.0,0.0643132480695877,0.04818673023794665,0.05044602926882188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847187827035149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849812902175573,0.05273886553782192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732547232380414,0.0,0.04790235339461327,0.17592051377415474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04096615809338407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117890307213348,0.09578843397878442,0.09680046555720012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736623646732776,0.0,0.05816455455507634,0.06543497233779176,0.0,0.0,0.061490502616431124,0.1714521174443945,0.0,0.0,0.0388562787584863
suicidewatch,trentworksout,2019/04/02,"Just keep coming back to it. My girlfriend and I are are in a really precarious position. She wants out on some levels but not others. I am a childhood trauma survivor and carry some unhealthy, maladaptive behaviors with me. Unfortunately these behaviors directly trigger her trauma and trauma based behaviors. I've been in therapy for 2.5 years now working on myself, and we've been in couples therapy for that long. But she's had enough without ever addressing her shit.

I've put so much work into myself to be a better person. I've fought so hard, and for us. I've moved through the pain and waded through the past to address my wrong behaviors. I've screwed up a few times along the way, but have taken responsibility for these errors.

Now that the end is near, I feel like I'm losing me, too. And that it's just not worth it. I built myself up from a fuck up to a less-fuck-up, but in the image of this relationship. Now that she wants to leave, I keep thinking about killing myself. Going on without her means going on without me. What's the point?

Eat shit sleep jerk off watch bullshit TV drink and wait to die. I've done so much work for us and I just... It's all the work I've wanted to do, and now I just want to be done with it all. ",2.7286089813800665,4.679413341365464,4.083528660094927,85.94463581599125,76.22891566265059,6.936911281489596,23.767981014968967,7.84624498591911,1.1975606425702816,978,31,198,15,22,322,130,249,0.281,0.679,0.041,-0.9973,0,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,2,0,0,6,15,15,7,0,13,0,13,8,3,1,3,45,30,17,2,4,13,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,14,16,2,3,3,2,1,5,5,13,0,0,7,3,24,2,39,21,8,35,0,1,1,2,12,17,4,2,13,141,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861170227828117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905022422787073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647353024799664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239200219293738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623283244299487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292189542765473,0.0,0.10971218382720883,0.0,0.11459855291500368,0.0,0.0,0.09919407566174716,0.11572047862775715,0.0,0.0,0.10130563149947576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662789294828696,0.08000904674480465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707461864287835,0.0,0.0,0.1272983548616217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003252666000128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990920970049806,0.12390555870539953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858623238205225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054714960657741764,0.0,0.0,0.0991117984711744,0.0,0.1252934389012664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199507696683724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903265801041553,0.16465800354486865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917027293162527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691162789516688,0.0,0.09778946526526744,0.0,0.0,0.10587120552788902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258562168232324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174668219175168,0.0,0.0,0.12024041101466837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299219309976448,0.0,0.0,0.11207559620344183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561514339851931,0.0,0.0,0.07176169119778099,0.0,0.0,0.06530501893063534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694317051019219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642295382649367,0.08889619181011407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238767260412535,0.0,0.3261339453650872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244863958352688,0.0,0.07212092454307589
suicidewatch,Dnarik,2019/04/02,"My time has come So, here is a brief summary:
A little more than a year ago I had to go on a trip, and so I missed the coming of spring, and so I promised myself, that, this year, I wouldn't miss it, no matter what. And, now the spring is here, and I feel very empty. I used to have problems with suicide a long time ago, and I had the second feelings recently, but I managed to avoid it. I decided, that I want to wait until it get colds again (so around autumn), so that I could go out and enjoy the warm part of the year. And this kinda helped, but I still feel pretty bad, not as bad as the day I realized that spring is here at it's finest. Any tips on how I can at least live until autumn? During the last year, I was very happy and energetic, lived a fulfilling life unlike anything I had before, all thanks to there being a purpose, a target (at least I think so), but I can't find a new target. BTW, me getting professional help isn't very likely - last few times I was denied, and I doubt now would be any different",5.521818181818183,4.230668070422539,6.365574050362785,83.91330345710628,67.82629107981221,9.247801963294922,26.87537345283824,8.00094639256281,1.3616610328638497,781,16,176,8,11,260,119,213,0.124,0.7170000000000001,0.159,0.784,1,1,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,0,0,16,13,0,2,16,0,18,1,0,2,1,38,34,23,1,5,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,14,0,2,7,0,0,6,5,7,0,1,5,5,23,6,20,24,6,40,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,2,27,124,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340345156540351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954013408015182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863145755463456,0.1175152386115645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044257832706415,0.0,0.0,0.11232921064776928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742666051122415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539776416371707,0.0,0.0,0.08513433436437627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792041761680884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024185730391228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065305526938648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793761724805134,0.0,0.1500465446860362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405251276762014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696455728982774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152085181812724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324125851131597,0.06449251287065673,0.13230684356172098,0.2331312254561037,0.11682305646749527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274942914330252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295195962302898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429974377495565,0.0,0.12631396905061476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034212005697865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054218771010641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443954875560642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153536634754485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458549065114135,0.0,0.0,0.2309250371346045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401265517524176,0.0,0.32676164005295805,0.07786182559809605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937748004724878,0.0,0.0,0.3400356756853385
suicidewatch,abandonded333,2019/04/02,I found this subreddit after my husband completed 3 weeks ago and I'm consumed with wanting to join him. I already have a method because he succeeded. He's done the dirty work for me. He even said how easy it was on here 5 days before. I just need an opportunity so I don't leave my kids alone. His last words I can't do this without you was after I asked him for reassurance things were OK. I don't know how missed it. He dissapeared the next morning. I failed him. I've already been put on meds and seeing a therapist. It's not just guilt. I can't do this without him either. ,0.6752142857142864,2.9927829499999987,2.6995238095238108,90.97500000000002,86.16666666666666,5.761904761904763,21.904761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.7184761904761903,454,16,99,7,14,152,80,120,0.07,0.747,0.183,0.8768,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,4,7,7,0,1,5,1,12,0,0,2,0,16,21,5,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,7,2,18,4,10,14,1,10,0,2,1,0,15,2,0,0,7,63,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909727986399525,0.0,0.0,0.1975698878202576,0.4210169307482233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833490166972438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628555958269572,0.0,0.1623227575362132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000082893814412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302445495115732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521376779154606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259952179043153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915855529640884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483673798550308,0.15549490606680472,0.0,0.20198735575396387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189141846872467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414461644314741,0.0,0.0,0.20287548370942945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917665445872652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145649689412055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520110668651053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221487127876358,0.12673250489158064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251522346683253,0.0,0.1530162104749522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677717734414099,0.0,0.13887559272831676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dendronwashere,2019/04/02,"Everyone says “It’s okay to ask for help” but no help ever comes. Rent is due, 4$ in bank account, barely eaten in a week. Family won’t help. I’m so tired of struggling, homelessness or suicide?",0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,2.870000000000001,88.73500000000001,89.0,6.2,20.5,7.554174236665415,1.0008499999999998,150,5,31,3,5,52,37,40,0.318,0.4920000000000001,0.19,-0.8759999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,14,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25764826996561346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374045113280931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492954687062087,0.0,0.2633470721580725,0.0,0.0,0.2598106210380391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541854787562664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916773367945644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881163701134,0.0,0.3014610519643746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31676100997544643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210692440820104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HereCumDatBoii,2019/04/02,"Talk me out of it please, I'm begging you I'm so weak right now. I told myself that next time my heart was broken, that's it, no way I can survive that again. It took 3 years to recover from the last time.

Worst part is that I know she loves me, but her parents made her do it, and she didn't want to. She may want me come July, but I'm so fucked up, I'm dead inside again. I'm a broken person right now.

I just don't know if I can do this again. Tell me life is worth it without love. Cuz I need false statements right now.",0.3961864406779654,1.573668449152546,2.112000000000002,100.93766101694916,80.61016949152544,5.058983050847458,16.884745762711866,4.935628992294339,-1.0160230508474577,399,6,106,1,10,131,73,118,0.262,0.6890000000000001,0.049,-0.9826,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,9,5,1,0,2,0,10,6,1,2,0,17,27,7,1,4,5,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,5,0,18,2,7,21,2,19,0,0,0,3,13,5,1,2,11,64,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616479966365435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759916555693913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482885867993795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992638696395116,0.1477750895701679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805009248322524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32724159431874394,0.17154045104842508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344238222777384,0.0,0.0,0.19280337559014246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201300468403995,0.19631879644959535,0.0,0.0,0.15829494591013474,0.0,0.19900136437204016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644605723482792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571358434670367,0.15845496077689047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142266012486052,0.0,0.0,0.17322982842874374,0.2014192377860101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138584169268575,0.14389911874481798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475655034749088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674445522906385
suicidewatch,BleakThrowaway123,2019/04/02,I never asked to be born. I never asked for this life. I shouldn't be judged for wanting to end it. I shouldn't be hated for not coping with life. I'm always being told what a pathetic waste of space I am so why shouldn't I just get it over and done with? I think this will be my last ever post on the internet. I'm ready to just end it all while I have the chance. Nobody will find my body for days. I feel sorry for the poor sod who has to clean up what's left of me,-0.08933962264151063,1.4327187452830223,1.9024905660377376,100.30241509433964,83.24528301886792,4.994716981132076,13.430188679245285,5.6839178017228535,-1.2703215094339626,361,3,94,2,10,120,66,106,0.105,0.7929999999999999,0.102,-0.0854,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,14,3,1,0,4,17,24,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,12,0,16,12,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,9,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964959593485676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812120241773082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264715313266599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148968893956725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086463021829452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611651950965454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184426680327425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103090955120727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634823218419927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652208959186264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129534601848706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619441100981722,0.0,0.0,0.22152288046067448,0.0,0.2880216112458833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144991104605226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526655642808027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282338338952532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064200169718135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194821937775761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025732396451908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397552289988184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmyilfeaway,2019/04/02,"I'm finally at peace I realized, truly, without a doubt, all the people I hurt in my life, are happier when I'm not around, I slowly quit talking to everyone these past 2 years, and no one noticed/cared. the few I did talk again, hated me so much, I feel so happy, almost giddy, that they will never have to deal with me again. their lives will truly be better.

no family, no friends, no lovers, no coworkers, no mentorees, no one looking up to me. I'm living in isolation, and no one will care if I'm gone. i'ts fucking pathetic, I kinda wonder if I'm a sociopath or born without a soul, not that I believe in god anymore anyways, as I'm just a horrible person, who doesnt know how to help others, nor take care of himself. at least this decision is finally the right one.",6.344807692307692,5.183637070512823,7.52141025641026,75.8694230769231,66.11538461538461,10.620512820512822,34.243589743589745,9.827888789773867,3.188605128205129,597,23,118,11,8,205,104,156,0.199,0.586,0.21600000000000005,0.7341,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,2,9,10,2,1,7,0,9,3,0,1,2,23,25,11,0,2,8,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,15,4,0,4,2,2,14,6,16,19,4,18,1,1,1,2,11,8,1,7,9,85,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507434033931793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436799975148421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897209228995785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322783861111334,0.0,0.12813277426840192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954254532861381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936280590068948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138437090778655,0.0,0.0,0.1365780383854525,0.0,0.07325464511564853,0.0,0.0,0.31741342746138784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193234554918788,0.13393733115758805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422527282286966,0.0,0.14303698242728974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710863665212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509484297130846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962113297808338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023315813339109,0.0,0.0,0.2558597700216616,0.0,0.1216609903868286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065019638479718,0.0,0.11173880724547053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392692196245296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830239750132955,0.10044012938086867,0.12650183860095235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409553425681197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372497854535355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893018886063448,0.23289481825222064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793143495442719,0.15711395776848255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329665042702798
suicidewatch,thelonesecurityguard,2019/04/02,"I'm stuck I was in the hospital not long ago, about Feb. Did in patient, did out patient, did therapy. Still taking my meds. Got a new job.

I freak out every day before leaving for work. My anxiety is off the charts. I can't afford therapy, can't afford another hospital bill, so that's not an option. I called the sucidial hotline and the lady was actually rude. Wth.

I'm a burden to my friends and family. I can barely function. I have to work to pay my bills, if I loose my house Id have to move back in with my parents who are not great. It'd be even worse for my mental health. But I can barely make my bills, my credit plummeted from when I thought I was gonna end it and didn't pay my credit card for three months. I'm in debt from the hospital stay already.

I can't bring myself to tell my family it's happening again. I'm a burden to everyone. I can't function. I'm sitting here instead of at work, in a filthy house, trying to find comfort on fucking Reddit. I have no money, I can barely do the job I just started a week ago because I'm crazy. I'm failing as an adult. I can't tell anyone I'm here again.

I want to kill myself. But I know it'll break my family. I know it's selfish. I know I shouldn't. So I'm sitting here like a coward, unable to kill myself, thinking about hanging myself or getting in a car wreck or just jumping off a bridge. But I know I shouldn't and I can't. So now I'm not doing anything.

I'm fucking tired. I'm afraid if I move from this couch I'm going to kill myself. Can't get ahold of my therapist. I wish I would just die, like get hit by a car or have an accident so this conversation in my head would stop. I'm stuck doing this cost benefit analysis about whether or not to go on. I'm so crazy. I'm never going to be normal or function. No one is ever going to want to be with me. I'm actually really attractive, but I swear my dates can just pick up that I'm mentally not okay. I'm going to be alone forever. At least I have my dog. But she'd be okay with my parents.

I don't fucking know what to do ",0.20993830787309165,2.1238558085585635,3.0040775558166892,90.71642185663929,84.38288288288287,6.113121817469644,20.913435174304734,7.34059242885,0.6523344692518602,1585,50,358,25,46,558,189,444,0.156,0.797,0.047,-0.985,7,1,0,0,0,6,55.0,0,0,0,4,24,24,7,1,18,2,43,6,1,2,2,54,93,24,4,10,23,2,0,2,1,6,2,0,1,1,12,9,0,1,8,0,10,12,20,13,0,2,11,0,54,11,48,68,1,51,0,1,0,3,10,16,3,8,21,222,66,10,0.0,0.0,0.17149934739319173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578513940787858,0.0,0.0,0.09100812426324316,0.09696811992251092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214067722863256,0.0672212730081205,0.0,0.0,0.06144162775536718,0.0,0.07231055945716447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756757459120928,0.0,0.05356550420350863,0.0,0.07477196981580347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972638055173841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666969297365108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119649428483374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782785435098535,0.0,0.0,0.05803813817033818,0.07948458494801322,0.07403532599042043,0.08396475409838677,0.0,0.0,0.24851160936219355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803127392666868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788911712049868,0.2437066904249417,0.13772731901868795,0.0,0.2496963088570565,0.0,0.0702786734195256,0.09687837381851426,0.0,0.0,0.07770426458214727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018126311246506,0.09340303980987567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278327129831467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439733260450202,0.0,0.2916495883005675,0.0,0.24145873096354145,0.0,0.0,0.0930429762089272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585891769205313,0.0,0.0,0.07776329951581415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058654748051980725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760516015406323,0.0,0.17710712408313015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013800099722799,0.18678648515735555,0.0,0.0,0.06777173242259116,0.08486660999167919,0.0,0.0,0.08609517748125378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954383956755245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514126963860653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629257891194237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621957297494635,0.09365907099063356,0.07017410134967993,0.07346430756182544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606825143557718,0.0,0.1536067077821283,0.0,0.20097688660335566,0.10202530496357162,0.0,0.05630435500570009,0.0,0.06975996473308367,0.0,0.10099508641805008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965881718382901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365749104531444,0.0,0.07048502406330344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010476118533753,0.0,0.0,0.1919139703867508,0.0,0.08954832048865889,0.12484244320737768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iMadeThisNamefirst,2019/04/02,"Dear every teenager and college student. Grades do not matter!  School does not matter. While you may think failing a test, or losing a girlfriend is a life ending thing, it pales in comparison to actual life problems.  I’m not anti suicide, but at least have a good reason!  Don’t end your life before it actually begins.  I don’t think most of you are actually suicidal, i think you are all just over reacting to something that everyone has gone through.  Failing out of college might be the best thing to ever happen to you.  Chin up! ",3.446199999999997,6.053439219999998,4.594000000000001,79.93700000000003,76.8,6.8000000000000025,27.0,7.908726449838941,2.0020000000000007,422,17,72,7,10,138,72,100,0.171,0.695,0.134,-0.498,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,5,0,4,2,7,0,0,5,0,11,3,0,2,2,21,18,4,2,1,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,12,14,4,11,0,3,0,0,6,5,0,4,5,53,12,8,0.0,0.0,0.4692092185951101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638029556522607,0.0,0.16819635070117994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025575325977915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839081491564873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497586749143315,0.13503669444197727,0.1531474696896276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442916871555166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172865308347093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396161244608403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793041978696907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700240475418693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15335936515353552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478706825884482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220456761387525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233857840856852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506247245506132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129561712377799,0.3080888973315707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,horbidorbi,2019/04/02,"My birthday is coming up i want to enjoy it but im also planning to kill myself I just dont see the point of continuing anymore. I dont have any real friends, i gave up on my dreams, my grades are fucking up. I already destroyed my life in order to become ready for this moment. But im scared.  I dont know what will happen next, I also dont know what will happen if i will survive. But i cant just continue on living since i fucked everything up.

I have decided that i would be killing myself at 4/14 the date of my birthday. It is a goal but im scared to do it. Im a coward. I didnt want it to end this way but my only other choice is to run away from home. Which is harder to do since i dont have much money or a place to stay. I dont even know anymore.",0.03502941176470386,1.578941017647061,2.8525735294117682,93.53533088235297,82.94117647058823,5.191176470588236,19.448529411764707,5.985473137389443,-0.17249999999999988,583,15,139,4,16,206,88,170,0.198,0.7140000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,5,2,5,0,23,3,0,0,0,18,35,9,2,4,9,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,11,1,0,0,4,1,1,2,8,7,0,0,2,1,23,2,21,28,1,22,0,0,1,2,2,11,2,2,6,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300315349513496,0.14928813501354402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347448854751496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513665362377252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769612384493691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308683921337462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080404256307254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6563636167628167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267164955160211,0.0,0.0,0.06165027494921441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388808941573224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211435219121494,0.17258289055338694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508073577950091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362775996164313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032934266354051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653404668477612,0.0,0.1538918816703039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592889356861288,0.0,0.0,0.08242104405288786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861573473070495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926828620304977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709893742367865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752056846051356,0.0,0.08823659218171014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624150165408708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689950506341144,0.0,0.07437999809384976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442383865952233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948815830573196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010885298790296,0.07408904984263964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630614964316722,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mohapitypang,2019/04/02,"My mom just said I was unfit for life, and she’s right I should have killed myself years ago, but I’m too much of a coward",-0.7829761904761909,0.9786247500000016,1.114285714285714,103.69738095238097,87.21428571428572,3.733333333333334,9.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.234109523809524,95,0,25,0,3,31,26,28,0.243,0.757,0.0,-0.775,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485060718083771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349651181941549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27769531894418986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604555911384698,0.0,0.0,0.2890124088128836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33575018513985777,0.3739781679962077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531773941049482
suicidewatch,TheStrangeCanadian,2019/04/02,"I’m going to talk to my school consultant I’m in a really bad place right now, and everything is going to happen soon.

I can’t really express my emotions properly, everything kind of builds up inside until I can’t take it anymore and then I do something I end up regretting. Sometimes it’s breaking things I care about, saying things I regret, or hurting myself accidentally.

These last few weeks I’ve been in a really bad place, my mom’s been out of town constantly, and report cards are coming out soon.

Today I’ve been constantly thinking of ways to die - not that bad, I know. But I feel everything bubbling and I know I’m not going to be able to hold everything in much longer. I’m worried I’ll end up trying to kill myself.

I’ve never talked to this consultant before but I’m going to try. I guess I’m posting here because I feel like I need to have something in writing about how I’m feeling just in case.

Sorry for wasting everybody’s time


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suicidewatch,Marvellover13,2019/04/02,"I feel like there will be no more fun in my life I'm at senior year and there is a lot of pressure till June and then I have only a few months before going to the army.
After that is work and family so I feel like I won't be able to have just fun till the age of retirement.

That's makes me feel pretty depressed, I don't want to be so rushed in life.
It feels like just yesterday I entered middle School.

I need to correct my mistakes.

I just wanna end it all.

I don't even know if I will graduate school there are subjects where I'm just not good and without it I don't know what I'm going to do.

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suicidewatch,pencey-prep,2019/04/02,should i tell my school counsellor i’m suicidal? i’m at school right now and wrote a note about how suicidal i was but i don’t know if i should give it to my counsellor. will i be hospitalised if i give her the note?,-0.4771631205673721,1.6896425957446832,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,91.12765957446808,7.388652482269504,18.471631205673766,8.344100000000001,0.9509035460992901,170,5,42,5,6,57,31,47,0.14300000000000002,0.857,0.0,-0.7059,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,12,5,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,9,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,27,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5063089316630345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450311285239168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253669672091868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5341565851869884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5773219222590591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306579895618825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flintkebab,2019/04/02,"Everyone hates Indians I've seen more racism on Reddit against Indians than any other group. I've faced bullying from being a filthy Indian from childhood, and Reddit, which is full of ""liberals"" isn't helping either. I can't imagine myself being anything other than a street shitting dumb fuck.",9.065705128205122,9.743085442307693,8.643076923076926,63.96858974358975,59.96153846153846,11.548717948717947,38.487179487179496,11.20814326018867,4.9242871794871785,241,11,33,6,3,77,40,52,0.374,0.626,0.0,-0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,5,3,2,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,7,5,3,4,0,0,1,1,2,3,3,0,1,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930457718924986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546169717874164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117701074195585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983859305916053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254521189933578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28884191021858463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423413310826144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burntout40s,2019/04/02,"Social Responsibility Hello, For the past 22 years I have had a good career and made well enough to live comfortably. But for the past years my depression has gotten worse, more so when my marriage failed, enough to affect my work performance.  I was also so burned out working the same role for some 14 years and just decided to resign, it was inevitable I was going to be fired.   
Being in my 40s and a college dropout, I knew my odds of getting a new job with the same compensation would be close to none, but I had no choice. It was either voluntarily resign or get fired and lose my early retirement pay.  
So I put on my most positive out look on life and said to myself ""this job can't be all there is"" and I quit. I took my early retirement pay and started a small business which failed and I had to sell at a loss.  


I have been actively looking for a new job and sending out applications but It's been months now and not a single invitation for a job interview.  


Now with no source of income and bills and obligations pilling up and approaching, I don't know what to do at all. Selling my stuff to get by won't last long and very soon I'll be homeless and even more of no use to anyone. A burden.   


So thinking of being socially responsible by selling everything I have left to pay for all my funeral expenses and hiring someone to cleanup whats left behind after I end it.  


I know all the advice one would give to someone like me. I know it would devastate my family. My kids, I love my kids. At the same time I don't want to burden them. I don't want them to see me when it gets really bad. Would they rather have no dad or a dad who is unable to provide for them?   


Thing is I don't want to die. I enjoy a lot of things, mountain biking in the woods and hills is my personal treasured joy. But with the stress I've practically destroyed my lungs chain smoking and haven't touched my bike in over a year, now the pedal around the block leaves me hypoxic and even more depressed because of it. The smallest hills I used to haul up and bomb down literally feel like the steepest mountains that even rampage riders wouldn't dare.   


I feel like an old outdated machine past it's use... writing this now made me realize how much corporate culture of hiring and firing and seeing people only for their value to the organization has influenced me in my current thinking. Which is how I feel like now. No value to the society I belong to. I tried to improve and seek a new path but failed. Now I need to be managed out.  
   
I'm afraid my options are dire. Help.",3.8482721538620623,5.186276880157172,4.957719470582156,83.37568788129461,71.94695481335953,8.029800434288077,27.147192637783064,8.532816995589336,1.845385854616896,2008,70,404,34,38,661,249,509,0.16399999999999998,0.7020000000000001,0.134,-0.9348,6,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,0,5,10,24,26,1,2,28,0,41,4,1,9,4,85,75,39,2,10,11,2,7,4,0,6,2,1,0,3,19,32,0,1,11,2,8,5,15,15,1,1,15,12,55,11,63,47,19,57,0,9,4,1,24,22,0,6,34,285,74,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118550821359104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643961372296897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809196411293272,0.0,0.0,0.07395944598017967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936892251652033,0.05064522965229462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311458746432826,0.0,0.08622466016546985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735848493458745,0.17168916448383822,0.0,0.16462207608805732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746675850191776,0.0,0.07832109933781614,0.0,0.1260243097254124,0.1780586273448354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362496765569274,0.07969858737098695,0.047216682054745183,0.06968415776028095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568724860673276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297791402073305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697695630464174,0.06772186723593136,0.0,0.08797047591919142,0.18053486888187487,0.0,0.05868236241927699,0.16235615323216426,0.0,0.07336178898639026,0.07352381389962928,0.13953374387662654,0.09294606320054326,0.0,0.07063224859688169,0.07498358440854001,0.15722595310594778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631423003808501,0.0,0.061073881195074876,0.06160329370882809,0.0,0.2407196021068415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871792294025826,0.0,0.056297639201173685,0.06318662366971735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379298152486907,0.05759770343560613,0.07254287134743978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351906053599348,0.0,0.08836656162816242,0.0,0.0,0.05322363019087379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790287804443017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324091386531745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938064236710929,0.1407880318505272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880495410976281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516867253611656,0.0,0.09510753599586057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039026406507943,0.10646952855532812,0.0,0.0,0.04844503008351984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230572567935927,0.05640634848838726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526517525175676,0.0,0.0685502866165121,0.1470094658091566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469953582842126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096749264593586,0.0,0.08466634121271553,0.23607261055808546,0.0,0.0,0.21400501317374532
suicidewatch,voccado,2019/04/02,"09 night, and the light is slow, I feel so much discomfort, care that will disappear until this moment. I know you have lots of beauty, sun life, where there will be smiles, everything is given to you. I know how much you can last, not so for me. How would I be willing to endure, even what would be a problem for me.
You hear a lot about how I am, and who I am.
Things I never liked, promised myself, and wanted to end up for myself.
If my night sounds like how you whisper to your image, you will look like you don't have many friends, you will see how you dream, make friends, even more beautiful forever dreaming, and stay inside it.
When it rains I prefer to cool it, open time and enjoy it together.

We used to laugh together, angry when we make trouble. Your attention is the same as my mother's, reminds me, strengthens me.

Sorry if I have never been seen again
Forgive me!.",4.199827586206897,5.1036297298850615,4.645459770114943,87.58301724137932,70.66666666666666,7.639080459770115,25.419540229885047,7.793537801064563,1.205491954022989,679,19,141,8,12,215,107,174,0.123,0.696,0.181,0.9263,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,11,0,0,15,14,0,1,4,1,21,1,0,8,2,34,34,18,0,7,3,1,1,3,2,7,1,3,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,9,31,11,14,21,6,18,0,0,3,0,19,3,0,4,16,109,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205974373560104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946925091589158,0.0,0.0,0.22292576633942968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166855813017752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532897437129731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26076359334230303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902022165748587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548966020037988,0.1375600664588114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919856914507565,0.24733949468795605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171398297425827,0.0,0.0,0.2869435592280066,0.0,0.0,0.2252941784686092,0.171093841585541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811268498617356,0.0,0.2603127161335829,0.0,0.0,0.3167353785109615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147834782862105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447805455089915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891045233119044,0.0,0.1798732767232079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211513120492612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984039842651048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457524874535064,0.0,0.0,0.09953767624436463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397612862942845,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onethecamden,2019/04/02,"Have you ever noticed.... When someone local or a friend of a friend’s friend dies by suicide, everyone says god that’s awful how could they do it and then they just go back to normal and get on with their lives.",3.919457364341088,4.8339268372093045,4.269767441860466,89.97968992248066,71.32558139534885,6.663565891472868,23.635658914728683,6.42735559955562,0.5164170542635662,166,4,35,1,3,52,37,43,0.15,0.68,0.17,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,1,9,5,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,5,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475869080464245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022255521287115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628673582016969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291086189978393,0.0,0.24202238545444396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5870565422955812,0.0,0.13232970845556455,0.0,0.14394634262357836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365318259062886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481631781559295,0.0,0.2883639271468769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014204953374507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146055312247271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27705006294594403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EternalHumming,2019/04/02,"Anxious and not depressed, suicide thoughts. Sorry that I'm writing here, sorry that it is not structure, I am confused, I am so anxious these weeks that I am seriously thinking of suicide just to get rid of the anxiety, the pressure and the pain that I am enduring, life is pointless and temporary, I just want to end it faster. I don't wanna hurt my family, so I noticed that it's been more than a week that I am obsessively googling ways to commit suicide without looking like a suicide, and was noting down and doing research on them, and suddenly I realized something must be wrong with me, as this is not really me. I'm not depressed, I am 32 and living alone, I'm very social, I don't have any major life problems except for loneliness. I have a good job and I have very dear friends, But I don't wanna share my thoughts with any of them, they would probably freak out or think that I am an attention seeker, I just asked them that I need to see them, but it seems that everyone is busy with something in these days. I haven't gone to work since Friday and I called sick. I don't know seriously what is wrong with me, why these sudden thoughts, cannot eat much and constantly crying. 

",5.782814589665652,5.9309328893617055,6.221109422492403,80.35750000000002,66.91489361702128,9.267477203647415,33.381458966565354,9.04235418022936,2.75880547112462,939,39,184,15,14,304,127,235,0.171,0.722,0.107,-0.9013,1,1,2,0,0,5,27.0,0,0,5,1,6,18,0,3,7,0,27,5,0,0,2,46,44,16,4,7,12,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,18,15,1,0,9,0,0,1,11,13,0,0,6,2,30,5,23,35,3,14,0,3,2,0,11,4,0,3,9,130,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265862478464415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794215558349513,0.0,0.0832129684539232,0.24577073222271495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169041950104243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107195892339852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754768456499698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119484791517537,0.07015120604961286,0.0,0.18737637707726984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130450395102807,0.0,0.0,0.0963428167771045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393966257060372,0.0,0.0,0.10254387133168284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403969024255625,0.0,0.05683071513864873,0.0,0.0,0.0912357381043138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644643465278685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794291068181404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978017631462075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366272108634854,0.053142220384116534,0.0,0.09605076938507937,0.0,0.09134403372453828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996251671572706,0.08065566337927854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384164063543728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574481332413565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727839891757715,0.10408347391181272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968437792934347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667999933597888,0.09902514021392443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998022704691025,0.0,0.0,0.11088293540195696,0.0,0.16748140586150445,0.0,0.2435305587564001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759310177642444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939791102563096,0.0,0.2590668170169719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795023775198608,0.0641586148727396,0.08634093782928354,0.17450630794049818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815298004824193,0.0,0.0,0.10485571128180474,0.0,0.07918986777559074,0.0,0.0,0.07727100234379122,0.2378578915988792,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsaclusterfuck,2019/04/02,"Everything is empty. It’s a hole that keeps getting deeper. Every now and then I can look up and see light, but I always end up deeper in this hole and the light above just gets dimmer. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I think it’s all slipping away. accessible drugs/narcotics that interact or can cause an OD. I don’t even know when or if I’ll do it. 
This whole thing is static. It’s getting dull and I’m always being pushed by life in directions and feelings I never thought I would go through. It’s not sadness or some reaction. It’s misery and hopelessness and twisted. Life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would in a million years and it’s a pressure I can’t escape from.  It’s always there this just horrid feeling that I’m done. I’ve clocked out of life awhile ago and I think I’m ready to quit. I’ve felt much shittier than this, I’ve hung myself before, but I don’t bounce back or anything; my baseline has always been this grey. Draining to do anything and mute of any experience. I want to start over or go to the next thing this life can’t be it it can’t be so empty and shit. The only thing that really stops me is the idea of some divine punishment for ending this “gift”. It doesn’t feel that way, pretty ironic to suffer-end it- then suffer much more. This whole cyclical process of kinda shit to please end me burns. I just want it to stop I don’t want to exist I don’t want anything I want to fucking beyond disappear I want to fucking have never been. 
Sometimes when I’m driving I swerve my car, sometimes I hope I just grind under and eighteen wheeler or smash head on to a truck. Sometimes I wish I had access to something that would make it easy. I don’t like to call it fantasizing because I don’t think like this out of enjoyement. It’s kind of like an experience, a taunt for being a failure but a release at the same time. It feels sweet, like your lighter like you can finally smile. But the realistic part of me knows it’s supposed to be a horrid experience. Sometimes I wish for war, a giant war that kills us all or pushes humanity towards a purpose. Something to spark life. Life really is a great thing when it’s good, it radiates energy. But I can see it when I walk around, some of us are just forsaken, broken, it’s an aching pain right in the chest and it’s inescapable. I want to be struck by a stray bullet, I want to be struck by lightning, I want to lay down and just never wake up. The best part of my life is when I close my eyes. Sometimes I dream amazing dreams filled with fulfillment and purpose. I see vivid colors and everything is clear. Waking up everyday hurts, it’s a little sharp pain, realizing things aren’t really that way, it’s a grinding, decaying experience. God I don’t want to wake up anymore.
I don’t know how to end it",2.5570107411385585,4.339574296491229,3.831296097386325,88.31312030075192,76.21052631578948,6.688148943788043,24.26423200859292,7.523968598718282,1.0595585392051556,2199,72,459,29,49,719,244,570,0.17600000000000002,0.64,0.184,-0.8351,1,0,3,0,0,1,59.0,2,2,0,2,22,31,8,1,26,0,44,19,8,4,6,93,91,39,4,17,20,0,7,5,0,3,9,0,0,1,49,22,0,3,17,2,0,9,19,17,0,1,7,18,47,14,61,74,14,64,1,5,8,2,7,25,4,13,32,295,96,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313031703975527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948872678302765,0.0,0.0,0.040759048802612684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118882311191134,0.0,0.0,0.1479685275713888,0.05335641938956249,0.0,0.0,0.056312554435473075,0.046087665014557966,0.0,0.03653688961018868,0.0,0.051001764059142855,0.0,0.06289992669775166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120212831163665,0.0,0.0,0.06157155785047089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061336110087826426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654308743381095,0.0,0.0,0.03958766148180168,0.0,0.05049930124225623,0.0,0.10773458152070857,0.2345185898879325,0.0,0.0,0.1515291214411214,0.0,0.0575486842565256,0.0656577855519018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082112860658654,0.09394344226042828,0.0,0.06812687835903371,0.05027210651716341,0.0,0.06608048411854205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151240251056374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953072175034463,0.0,0.0,0.0641635360007245,0.06766130100706269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053274541880950994,0.0663111391746334,0.06241490714432485,0.13175869253635505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963457187871091,0.14641035515350104,0.060072374583884085,0.0,0.0,0.05033177884588445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040008249461194766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812082285381156,0.0,0.13868076160402867,0.0,0.06374341904106974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045584603124736715,0.12755386661282508,0.0,0.0,0.12981133000832007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579255845539311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060977227612608084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375011683442576,0.0,0.0,0.1151910603005443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051185661386254175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328550138577606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230484356390774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228448467734524,0.2963949169779891,0.0,0.042423543768909916,0.0,0.0,0.10021962214628233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909658421317106,0.11521515762833365,0.0,0.09516617713443956,0.034949603910891504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519397830142354,0.0,0.0,0.14419307319013566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353522510793775,0.14272501917119793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338344932600156,0.13784862084498542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277320535097875,0.0,0.0,0.03859730519556369
suicidewatch,itszlaker,2019/04/02,"High school student who wants to end it all I'm so fucking tired now. I'm so done with life and everything. Nothing keeps me happy. I'm in my worst yet of my life. I've dreaded every day of my life. I have barley anyone in my life that loves me or cares for me. My grades are literal garbage, my teachers haven't done shit to help me and I have no one. I'm so lost, confused, sad, lonely and overall just tired. I've no social skiils, I'm not interesting or funny, every friend group I'm in I'm unimportant. I have been living in fucking misery forever and I have nothing to live for anymore. I'm just a waste of time and space thar no one want to be friends with. No cry of help from Mr has helped and I just want to be done with it now. ",0.22024417314095496,2.2254278427673,2.232489826119128,95.71534961154272,85.0377358490566,4.9990381058083635,20.04476507584166,6.2272716619740125,-0.051251128375878974,573,17,133,5,17,191,84,159,0.284,0.591,0.124,-0.9833,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,15,3,2,1,0,13,10,1,0,1,21,30,11,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,5,0,15,6,19,23,2,12,0,3,0,3,10,6,3,3,6,78,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265846905897714,0.08924893226262172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013759828575208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020666664204046,0.08231731115077992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39186044280202587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305125132381467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508459445991654,0.0,0.11471470003381345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972288637723241,0.2360024487229219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587526989892493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666342434896,0.13485878349394453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134523939304931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606239361015311,0.0,0.0,0.22541711012499455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933425732862592,0.0,0.1152001821228922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449482548561145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298448294305438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917860507821846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310207380464323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011301742039105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442797423718332,0.2934070582397549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22585633067009156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FirefallPony,2019/04/02,"26 years of wasting space and burdening my loved ones. I will soon turn 26. I am struggling to find work, I am lonely and I am tired.

I am trying to make it as a freelance translator but I can't break through no matter what. I don't  want to go back to be a slave at some fucking supermarket grinding for 12 hours a day and get shit pay. I would better die free than be a slave.

I am lonely. I can't  attract girls. I have tried. I'm just too boring and plain and anxious. I can't  hold an interesting conversation and I am not funny or witty. I only have a couple of friends that I get to see every few months because they all have good jobs and relationships. My brother is a success as well. My mom is working a lot and its taking a toll on her. I don't  want to be a burden for her.

I am so tired of this shit called life. It's  nothing but struggle and suffering. I don't  see the point to struggle and suffer for the sake of struggling and suffering. Fuck life.
I want to off myself just have to find a way to do it as quickly as possible. Fuck you life.",0.6184491459627353,2.606922906250002,2.800225155279506,92.33281832298141,83.33035714285714,5.502795031055901,21.79270186335404,6.7026698264267655,0.4081147515527954,817,27,184,9,23,277,123,224,0.305,0.5589999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9922,1,4,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,4,8,26,5,4,13,0,25,11,2,1,1,29,41,19,1,4,6,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,2,0,2,1,8,17,1,1,0,2,27,10,26,36,4,15,0,5,2,4,12,5,5,3,7,127,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281798799416593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724535310245546,0.0,0.06916544446978252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034800912047764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585749231348293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255436581564002,0.0,0.0731736695242747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775574887398045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559671480245784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074046120003588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766053881357556,0.3146816559302859,0.11855853099496715,0.0,0.06448312749544201,0.09516662827046546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173731560562727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259362908362933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404249150689117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964614219669582,0.10240397721879313,0.0,0.07573683436013702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288544295402308,0.09056436759681556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088699472858044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768848569684037,0.086293041628312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725836090454002,0.12791147239508985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181583590756605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082921115538747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329344351171841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744608985206498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530938042740806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608159913824157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406663928277747,0.12341418588389876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007686629868984,0.09006093561196597,0.0,0.0,0.10201605625506552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652035236624151,0.0,0.0,0.08060022211614191,0.0,0.0,0.07306587390631533
suicidewatch,DrDudezLoL,2019/04/02,"I can't stand the thought of hurting anyone, but my life isn't worth living. Breathing hurts too much these days",3.5522727272727286,5.830645136363637,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,74.9090909090909,4.4,24.63636363636364,3.1291,0.0573818181818182,91,3,18,0,2,26,21,22,0.333,0.667,0.0,-0.7905,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24817372291609305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288990249050556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7599149564682441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506959537947732,0.0,0.0,0.31340769021242465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26091272176047137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817729736463958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slur_monkey,2019/04/02,"only reason i havent done it yet is that i cant be sure it'll work. I don't think I'm meant to be something, there's no career or job that I'll feel content doing. I would've at least attempted to kill myself by now if I had a for sure but clean way. I live in a country with strict gun laws, so I can't just shoot myself, and I just know if I jump or slit my wrists, it'll fail. I don't want to drown myself or suffocate myself because I dont want whoever finds me to have to live with that. that's another reason, I don't want to scar whoever finds my body. I know its selfish to kill yourself and I know my friends and family will be sad, but I just can't see myself amounting to anything nor do I even want to.
 I wish I could fade away.",1.745399201596804,2.3181598622754507,3.7572604790419177,92.9119785429142,76.12574850299401,7.00379241516966,22.299900199600806,7.1686216300943375,0.4343217564870252,575,14,143,6,12,197,90,167,0.211,0.68,0.109,-0.9224,1,1,1,2,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,2,0,2,0,21,2,2,2,2,34,34,12,3,8,10,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,10,0,0,1,10,5,0,0,3,2,27,3,16,24,2,8,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,5,3,93,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597006094414443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533053545619502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309156243172574,0.0,0.0,0.09284111994436584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691717928505723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159975126800518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558565388115782,0.17849533770348114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059320503636927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357558703393752,0.0,0.07700783229701352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27840024172985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176671770241354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113498804004052,0.0,0.3369964160300553,0.0,0.2511015176987596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689686944803941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583157875430712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31318106099165505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136397453252115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172485534803732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28708329764913937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758816712737962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593236991742794,0.12088924157937435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513833934109488,0.0,0.0,0.11087675553270676,0.0,0.0,0.10819007882319748,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apurplemicrowave,2019/04/02,"I guess goodbye? I’ve been walking around my town for about an hour now, I think I know how to do it. I know the train passengers will hate me for it, but I feel like it’s the only solution. 

I haven’t written a goodbye note because mom doesn’t deserve that.

Only thing I need to know is how to properly say goodbye to my friends so that they won’t feel guilty or anything. So any suggestions?",2.11836236933798,3.758746585365856,3.3688153310104525,91.77426829268295,77.04878048780488,6.636933797909408,27.567944250871076,7.447530270364453,1.3720432055749128,308,13,68,4,7,100,56,82,0.075,0.792,0.133,0.6868,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,0,13,17,6,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,11,2,8,13,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860097897231954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402535828256496,0.2207103651290617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113589590163629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507218295648836,0.17712132252491433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915501905665924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731229717568754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447796578155104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441612199438449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087677191141605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211261299551375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903727522768453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383703754719832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771240467418669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716397733191493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471375066158944,0.15886360566345362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snowybone88,2019/04/02,"Too weak to end it In my heart of hearts I know I can’t do it. Which is awful because now there is no way out. I cannot live a normal life. Not even a functional one. I am creating chaos and hurting anyone who gets close to me. I don’t even care about hurting them otherwise I wouldn’t do it. I’ve crossed too many lines to be able to mentally deal with who I am. I am a bad person, selfish and always have been. I’ve tried to change but it’s impossible and too hard. 

The hours and days are endless. Everything is pointless. I have tried all the help but it doesn’t work. There’s nothing more to do except wait. ",-0.22205152671755712,1.9504371908396927,1.745109732824428,97.13384780534349,89.30534351145039,5.10706106870229,18.87452290076336,6.6274283507984215,-0.02940877862595404,476,14,112,6,16,157,84,131,0.14300000000000002,0.7979999999999999,0.059,-0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,0,5,1,19,4,2,0,1,16,23,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,1,1,12,1,12,20,2,9,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,75,20,1,0.1750072026809663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562001216526807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223691052346726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612370418286733,0.10668276639618912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843150675188754,0.0,0.18513441530950064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286516774457572,0.180424741423594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500443668555905,0.0,0.0,0.2311812136770803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728518924008086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143404024488876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677207868433715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41476875560754606,0.11730363896354475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234684212432522,0.0,0.3746976601100671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961793817597127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236127628314267,0.0,0.0,0.15453456624787945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742983505188234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636609816905116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714699010799083,0.16792413094274464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858940975862735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280953903853173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763680569176804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389125715733842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274073278774677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,d4u12,2019/04/02,Every dream I have about killing my self I survive it Every single dream about suicide I've ever had has been with me shooting myself in the head and then surviving it. It kinda creeps me out about how often I have this dream of me surviving shooting myself in the head. I always wake up nostalgic afterwards and filled with emotion after these dreams it makes me happy.,4.521761904761902,6.778506985714286,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761904,72.0,6.9523809523809526,25.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.6985238095238089,299,10,50,4,6,94,46,70,0.109,0.685,0.206,0.5994,0,0,0,2,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,0,2,0,5,3,3,2,1,10,6,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,11,1,11,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154458443856558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912551018704827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342119452241008,0.4363099518443221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756298405066961,0.0,0.0,0.5314622720909064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864614878652704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728340488519758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270114620499858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832212705522051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,b0ob0okitty,2019/04/02,"A sacrifice stopped me I’ve lived with depression all my life. Had a suicide attempt that left me in the hospital at 17. The thoughts always have lingered in my head. It was until I turned 25 that my suicide thoughts took a turn. It was in 2016 that my brother committed suicide. He was my older brother and role model. This devastated my family and me. I still remember the last conversation I had with him in which he asked me what I thought about suicide. Me of course always being depressed told him I was okay with it and the thought never leaves my head. He committed suicide 7 months later.

Ever since then it’s been tough during times I get depressed. It’s hard thinking about making my mom go through the pain of losing another son. The though of who is going to take care of my elder mother now. I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that suicide thoughts don’t cross my head still because they still do. I’m just sharing my story and my brothers. Find a reason to fight and most definitely always think of everyone you are affecting around you. It’s a battle that takes place everyday but everyday you are alive is another victory.",3.801219337937603,5.89325003167421,4.590659680876398,82.8669564181948,73.57013574660633,7.729554655870446,29.27863777089784,8.532816995589336,2.3464968325791857,911,39,169,17,19,293,129,221,0.163,0.7759999999999999,0.061,-0.9593,0,0,0,0,1,6,17.0,0,4,1,2,11,11,2,0,11,1,15,5,3,3,5,32,37,10,6,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,15,10,0,1,10,0,0,4,3,8,0,0,14,1,30,3,20,21,2,29,1,4,0,0,24,8,0,1,16,111,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22098326504410146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565537858263667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880729875756956,0.0827602695942761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396489509837195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902586037968924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22874307469576255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007723165193706,0.0,0.08459080548677521,0.0,0.0,0.08345484735229984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091156078963525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046251410203513435,0.0,0.10062322992594264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930230032782673,0.0,0.27256099663768785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721608626586083,0.0,0.09373671592222567,0.09618423420819952,0.0,0.06252884138985136,0.0,0.0,0.07817046687436785,0.0,0.0,0.09903844024126586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059092084966116024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368109457096784,0.07066095843781851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827704667774799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941983719001811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924912861031029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101992260185532,0.0,0.0,0.10028319736524167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322998454618558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209198387662792,0.07401206634752001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810013302881983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312172865985072,0.0,0.0773760090110928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344833420853245,0.0869767761296942,0.3514005174472344,0.0516204780675957,0.0,0.0,0.08459080548677521,0.09835613023111313,0.0,0.19258268766812467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isapink99,2019/04/02,"stuck on autopilot im stuck in the non feeling. the feeling of forgetting to feel. there are too many layers to all of the non feeling. 
the non feeling demands to be felt as strongly as possible. everything is swirling and moving so slowly. it's been years in my brain, but outside it's only been minuets.",2.1830992736077484,4.905854186440678,3.4971428571428578,85.00203389830509,83.40677966101694,6.083292978208232,30.462469733656178,7.447530270364453,2.320697820823245,243,13,43,4,7,79,42,59,0.051,0.8370000000000001,0.112,0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,1,0,1,10,13,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,10,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,28,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886620647957996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23239605090729115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6537319572471544,0.0,0.2482784407262288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793119987584336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26216068517582897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748308243378993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966626054295979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915113774052112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651777315138688
suicidewatch,ThevalueofTrash,2019/04/02,"Was trying to get my life back on track, but lately suicide has been more appealing. After dropping out of college and wasting 2 years of my life, I decided to start working, but I ended up quitting after only 3 months. 

Enrolled and even got accepted for a part time degree starting in July this year, and decided to find another job that can keep me afloat. I keep telling myslef that this is my final chance in life, that in the event I fail to get my degree again, I would have already wasted too much of my parent's resources, and that I should just relieve them of the burden of taking care of me.

Thing is, I've just started my new job and I already want to quit after 2 days. I thought I could deal with my social anxiety by working a job that required me to interact with strangers. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have listened to my parents when they told me I would struggle.

I don't want to quit a new job so soon, yet I'm already doubting how I'm gonna cope in the future when school starts. The thought of just ending it all gets more and more appealing.

The sheer irony is that I actually applied to study counselling and psychology. I thought that helping people deal with their issues would be the best use of my life, yet here I am seeing a counselor myself and contemplating killing myself. It really makes me question what I'm even doing with my life.

",7.2117582417582415,6.265917336996338,7.143205128205127,78.58096153846157,64.27472527472528,9.558241758241758,35.25091575091575,8.418075326091056,2.7514805860805858,1095,43,211,12,14,350,151,273,0.134,0.7809999999999999,0.085,-0.9517,6,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,3,8,16,9,1,2,10,0,21,5,0,3,1,44,49,14,2,8,5,2,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,0,14,13,0,3,10,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,8,2,37,4,33,33,7,35,0,1,1,0,14,7,0,2,27,148,51,10,0.0,0.0,0.08736423525111382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29638173332564305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387557356872796,0.06848696742264017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883978944129704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395177014019902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912774869829522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147904091301635,0.0,0.0,0.057736714032009064,0.18459427134238887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585865154581651,0.0,0.0,0.11826185075853796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807110278090762,0.08182492999078007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032055610879282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160193494711077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060007235120400675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344164219282187,0.3553620424664381,0.1591492319911535,0.09904699786705147,0.0,0.04920102075250618,0.0,0.1009889656915296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161734873976495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975914527137707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145861383502777,0.0,0.06581174039446405,0.0,0.0,0.1729290890717856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808838069537128,0.0,0.0,0.19881554124893486,0.09694768244436723,0.0,0.06206589513631765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028934901463032,0.2856650224102515,0.0,0.0,0.057352499373418124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060485669646738,0.07134044609891302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126024615749072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25346719730608314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359177076724699,0.0,0.09792665949386356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731223586308112,0.0,0.07824946717762084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947694217698745,0.057364497196628825,0.0,0.2132203788301694,0.052203195226369785,0.0,0.0,0.08554570779835625,0.0,0.06078211979782891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732151918530149,0.0,0.0,0.10560923491400508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303516505976628,0.0,0.0,0.19078961075031134,0.0,0.0,0.1153033186569462
suicidewatch,EducationalCrow2,2019/04/02,"I'm too much of a child to live I can't be an adult. I'm in my early twenties right now, but I still rely on my mom to make all the decisions. I just don't want to grow up - I want to stay Peter Pan in Neverlands. I don't want to exist.

Never dated. No friends. Always thought that literally everyone else, even those younger than me are the adults that I have no right to talk to. Hate dressing up, hate living. I just can't. I'm not made for this world. ",-0.3260606060606044,1.6396800303030332,1.9846464646464632,96.8636363636364,87.08080808080808,5.216161616161617,18.090909090909093,6.574015621080383,-0.2168666666666668,349,9,85,4,11,118,66,99,0.205,0.7709999999999999,0.024,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,2,13,18,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,0,10,1,15,15,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237816590056945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306006607446173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136830759082396,0.0,0.0,0.1979553686875624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005543461383906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090657847992899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36586159693238973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19602486211599365,0.13828447901247426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426295527465415,0.0,0.0,0.15229036814406485,0.0,0.15977868835998435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538361519452346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22081069763106306,0.16544251518579933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651166010940746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644661463807497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36657447063548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aselpa,2019/04/02,"Why shouldn’t I end it? So I’m a 21 year old female from Australia. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 3, anxiety and depression when I was 8, and BPD when I was 19. I went through the over-dramatic “I’m so depressed” phase in high school where I was dramatic suicidal like those emo girls you see on instagram. Now I’m just done. I’m thinking about it rationally, there may be no reason why I should stay alive...I’m a registered nurse, graduated last year but instead of finding a job I applied to do a secondary education degree so I’m back as a first year undergrad. But I’m ugly, I hate waking up, I hate eating, I sleep around 4 hours a night and when I take sleeping pills they work but they work for days after and I’m exhausted so I don’t take them. 

I’m ugly, I have zero social skills (literally, I can’t talk to people, when people talk to me off guard I just mumble and mutter random noises and I can’t say anything of meaning and I’ve never been able to have a conversation that didn’t include a million misunderstandings. I live  with my parents and younger siblings, I can’t stand them, they seemingly can’t stand me. I have no future, I’ll never get married bc I have no social skills I have absolutely no friends, I don’t know anybody and I can’t commit to anything. All that “it get’s better” crap doesn’t apply to me because it’s only getting worse. I have the WORST luck with psychiatrists and psychologists, they cancel on me, they always go off topic, they simply tell me they can’t help me. I’ve been on a million psych meds, they didn’t make me worse, but they didn’t make me better either, it’s like I wasn’t even taking them. 

All I want is at least one good friend, marry a Christian man, have a few kids. But nobody will ever be attracted to me. Some people think I’m a boy even but I don’t want to change my appearance and I’m worried that if a man was ever attracted to me that he’d actually be gay and he could only stand me bc I look like a boy but really he’s just using me as his closet doors......the only reason I can think of to not do it is that MAYBE i’ll get the life I dream of one day, but “maybe” doesn’t seem worth it, because more than likely I’ll keep living my life like this and die and lonely old hag in my bed and be found a week later when the mail starts piling up outside. I don’t know how to help myself at this point. I’ve tried so hard. I’m done.",1.6684220907297806,3.376103850098623,3.6761893491124265,88.77329783037477,78.54635108481261,6.479053254437871,21.325838264299804,7.3871296695380915,0.61677483234714,1880,51,411,25,45,639,236,507,0.14800000000000002,0.733,0.119,-0.9517,2,2,0,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,12,7,26,21,3,0,19,0,48,11,4,6,7,68,89,38,2,6,14,1,1,5,2,4,5,1,2,6,15,19,1,2,12,1,1,3,24,8,0,6,16,4,65,13,38,63,8,51,1,3,2,1,36,15,1,8,34,253,80,7,0.0819821357479983,0.0,0.08000273842478961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821570439430015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627161094522454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349286247798604,0.07298148203783847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303920193497564,0.0,0.09995109804261314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501307372301828,0.0,0.0,0.103253630053889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672622917811196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545606444767654,0.0,0.0,0.1057433906891736,0.0,0.1412221867803013,0.08321014207381798,0.08508451359642916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779237691955226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388819173282895,0.0,0.0,0.07261183868565188,0.0,0.0,0.10829685493923208,0.1483150706998274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749301868420538,0.06973396278665389,0.0,0.08988918031570284,0.12667838942684576,0.0,0.1713291289618371,0.0,0.046592337024647136,0.06876272584933568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734398906976703,0.1618807724743205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099017949652586,0.08661862754935079,0.0,0.0,0.08073588966811114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135461967882036,0.07286948910442208,0.0,0.0,0.0901104755780533,0.06682638264451747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158128139572088,0.20026165224421005,0.0,0.14478345569567316,0.0,0.0688443462998182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944742442701187,0.0,0.16472414901370902,0.08930257971621736,0.09106367126648568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264593542544206,0.0,0.0,0.07693468077731433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720529211758091,0.0,0.11110643379438648,0.18705332547862605,0.0,0.0,0.0910314598164969,0.0,0.0,0.17050827124230808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749961724993577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052519855432729634,0.1685825793087396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519548486879491,0.0,0.08297029819431302,0.06532914792825792,0.14926691470258754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408268453195318,0.1671409262825673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058027377642170176,0.0873820486371124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967515026924161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492108983944314,0.13178827057226505,0.07165600015265455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759252688128908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566048872416515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080624303765265,0.0,0.0,0.09671037549612832,0.0,0.0657611242108473,0.0,0.0,0.0759982611822658,0.14795225201413606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936794245413407,0.08325683835966229,0.16709360051402294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838142259542454
suicidewatch,doodlebobber,2019/04/02,"It's been 1 year since my breakup... So it's been 1 year since my 7 year relationship ended and I have to say that things are so much better now.

Last year I had lost my last grandparent, my relationship ended and lost the family dog within 2 months. 
I was a complete mess and even tried to take my own life. I cut out all my friends and didn't go outside for many days on end.
Since then I have found myself feel like a better version of me.
I started listening to music again, going for long walks, started cooking for myself and even got in touch with old friends and starting hanging out with them.

It wasn't easy and it took me ages to feel better, but I'm so glad I hung in there because all that pain was worth it to really discover who I am and what I'm really capable of.

It's never easy, but you come out of it being so much stronger than before.",5.1986516853932585,4.669012685393259,5.936269662921351,84.20620224719102,68.21348314606742,9.14247191011236,28.47415730337079,8.548686976883017,1.7634633707865164,670,19,147,9,10,220,103,178,0.087,0.764,0.15,0.9111,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,5,9,12,1,0,3,0,12,3,0,0,3,22,29,15,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,12,14,1,0,3,1,1,6,3,5,0,0,12,5,20,7,21,16,6,34,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,0,22,94,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730532878851472,0.0,0.10197492430838796,0.0,0.0,0.31796594622545976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323145848529154,0.1256498502138398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728681838667105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184277307155502,0.0,0.0,0.1583062412692812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297438784834225,0.0,0.12118930373903285,0.08561364517554355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139825966820895,0.1851760117268684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621554846559894,0.0,0.09584691188562648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537101903859413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464646216490705,0.058547719515854676,0.0,0.0,0.1060545362337053,0.0,0.0,0.2616388045395278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121498844258714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565506112054148,0.0,0.17619222405895188,0.0,0.09242791518087534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575181091835771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275180979818804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354501126051667,0.0,0.0,0.2573263975311589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530149479501036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973983994479461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544698842011512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010468703616473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961630143480146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331465332035697,0.08136342243805768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30869185397282545
suicidewatch,notquitevin,2019/04/02,"I'm worried about my mom My mom has bipolar disorder and has told me she was suicidal when she was younger, and the only reason she's alive is because she had me. I'm 25 now, and I just finished grad school and moved 12 hours away to my dream city. My mom just lost her job, her car, seems to have no friends and be a bit asocial, her love life (or lack thereof) has killed her self esteem, and her social media posts are very worrisome. She posts about how depressed and lonely and miserable she is, and I try to reach out to her but she's is closed off and won't say much. I have no clue how to help her. I'm so afraid that I've made things worse by moving away, but this is something I've wanted for so long and I was also very unhappy in the small city she currently lives in. 

What can I do? What can I say? I've told her I love her. She is coming to visit and I've told her how excited I am to spend time with her. But I'm just afraid it isn't enough. Honestly i can see why she's unhappy, her circumstances are certainly not great. But she also doesn't seem to try to get out of them, I assume because of the mental health issues. I know she is unwilling to see a therapist, because of cost and also because of a difficulty and hatred of opening up. I just... Have no clue how to help her. I deal with depression myself but this is on an entirely different level.",2.827976190476189,3.764573027777778,4.262738095238095,88.92750000000002,73.93055555555556,7.846825396825397,24.4781746031746,8.269060116576782,1.2312924603174604,1064,31,240,17,21,354,144,288,0.195,0.716,0.08900000000000001,-0.9858,3,2,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,17,15,1,3,7,0,28,5,0,6,1,45,47,30,2,2,11,3,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,7,21,0,0,5,1,2,5,7,8,0,0,9,4,46,7,31,36,4,27,0,5,2,2,43,13,0,4,7,161,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24377490748030795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093381153826336,0.0,0.0,0.2477645585415537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093292570459357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752890348830275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475650828826744,0.17503485929177395,0.0,0.0,0.10616189760261006,0.1164550414164103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049913544097708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850442828481029,0.0,0.05308756836323182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202651724407534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800777136816896,0.0,0.0,0.13621546058894973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006639473610812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605551400547583,0.10083326659125487,0.0,0.1124175477118954,0.0,0.05584276370842691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717708741712107,0.0,0.0,0.08972439944898179,0.08992256239234787,0.0,0.0,0.1109204403742788,0.0,0.18341584011361575,0.09614681167904728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240001719741733,0.0,0.0,0.35701682425195586,0.0,0.2159928844350788,0.07469579719849997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727976566964533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19463055415353897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447306022195632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616103358917857,0.0,0.10283578523274814,0.1619416676086924,0.18500572755278288,0.1060024628930398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035796470114096,0.0,0.0782251337287518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111459726492128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797823534120185,0.0675058520593823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925020764335578,0.0,0.0,0.291281075501492,0.0,0.13797443636957726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676794795683938,0.05993281704861918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916881483129946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319093139403353,0.10355031854883977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kushbeau77,2019/04/02,"I have a gun, and I’m going to kill myself. I’m done with life... my choices have brought me to a point where I no longer feel that I am able to reach my goals or continue living. 

I am only 23 and I thought life had so much more to offer, but in the end, my bad decisions gave me consequences that I can’t handle anymore... 

I really wish things would have went differently you guys... I am sorry for the person I am, I really hope that you guys will be better off without someone like me. 

I am leaving behind a lot of family that will be devastated, I will shoot myself in the head to make sure they never have to look at me again.  

This sucks, I had such a good chance and I blew it because of the bad decisions I made. I can’t believe I will never even get the experience to be a father... 

I fucking hate this feeling of dread and knowing that I have to pull the trigger one day when that life insurance policy is ready for my family...",3.0275405007363787,3.946775907216498,4.8988217967599414,84.6215463917526,73.43298969072166,8.223269513991164,24.68188512518409,8.634040054169528,1.513048306332843,722,21,156,13,14,248,112,194,0.192,0.677,0.131,-0.9318,1,0,0,2,0,1,26.0,0,2,1,2,6,12,4,1,11,0,24,5,1,3,3,24,43,8,1,3,3,1,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,10,5,0,0,6,0,0,4,6,7,0,1,8,3,32,5,20,27,3,17,0,0,1,1,9,6,2,3,8,116,42,1,0.13958870749249458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843448922794235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331014802640516,0.08509198047188365,0.0,0.0,0.1572686724439586,0.0,0.12345486822111845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900231684470115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584048938774036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428477119289104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363416271490756,0.0,0.0,0.09219702480633828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654454090060808,0.2631836206941934,0.0,0.1411604893591598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904751077434518,0.07292933835339149,0.0,0.07933147929101117,0.11708038510333482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27642953304579754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781494950946505,0.14325828523038597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13864308283223084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443422305282334,0.0,0.07671430307779932,0.0,0.0,0.14780428621630298,0.0,0.0,0.2957868966913971,0.06819599158286932,0.0,0.12325938609954624,0.0,0.11721935797936275,0.0,0.0,0.11867332737070092,0.0,0.1320822101431467,0.09317654617531776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026137612895195,0.0,0.21531883317813014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458892078105874,0.10616350215610576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188347519500364,0.0,0.0,0.131956447637993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884820078565467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827305887591345,0.0,0.0,0.15625812974204184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315607048471791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927365347003242,0.0,0.0,0.11081784153910812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940013032495956,0.0,0.0,0.1605201247035902,0.13455853278812166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915981280699487,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,violet20011,2019/04/02,"My life is broken. My mind is my worst enemy, every situation I’ve been through was brough upon me by myself. I struggled with depression and self harm for years and nothing’s changed, I just go through the same routines, say the same jokes, go to the same job, say the same things daily. It’s all a pattern where I’m the loser. I don’t deserve to have the life I have, I’m weak mentally and physically for being in a constant state of self hate and depression. I have no motivation or drive anymore, I’m simply just here and I have nothing to look forward too. My parents destroyed the bonds between us years ago and to me they’re nothing anymore, I don’t feel any connection to them and they still try to convince themselves that I’m a good kid when they know I’m a cold hearted alien. I treat others as tools and can never really get another person. The world would be better without a person like me. I only bring destruction and as of now I’ve lost so much hope that I’ve resorted to crime, I bought a gun and don’t know what I even need it for, robbing or killing myself it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m empty inside and nothings ever gonna change I pray death finds me soon. I’m pathetic ",2.208040794417606,4.313234917695476,3.6810520665593134,87.48908212560389,78.42386831275721,6.366004651994992,25.38003220611916,7.423996415210882,1.2913808910359634,947,36,190,13,23,312,142,243,0.253,0.6659999999999999,0.081,-0.9935,2,0,0,1,0,1,21.0,1,0,3,4,12,19,4,1,14,0,16,4,1,1,3,34,37,17,2,3,5,1,1,1,0,2,3,2,0,5,8,12,0,0,5,1,1,5,7,12,0,0,4,5,26,7,22,29,7,20,1,4,1,0,12,5,0,3,12,120,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176736525087346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807107576019025,0.12038264997071815,0.0,0.0,0.3415659907262581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015353534346809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428961225517136,0.0,0.0,0.1240630049077458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776209522935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582736618025276,0.10384734794298946,0.09672784053950094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058048663388565375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492933924656148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998067352197242,0.0,0.1304922179963251,0.0962926651093545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334579031718207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604402283099204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402688787801266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392586682785255,0.0,0.12701429798615604,0.0,0.1261872292074934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217979104243468,0.05608773641711015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640696323537133,0.0,0.12532280016070424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156960506862579,0.0,0.11591993513510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439460241561422,0.08512616814776973,0.08854439740977625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406325017492928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731408383164728,0.0,0.0,0.12747693995918405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048592510108693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354677680836012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825944772715408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395325050795133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904519861159572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168311470976574,0.0,0.0,0.12001871149329968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627108564273077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794479835314465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809581763841527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106675530998372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815539053659832,0.0,0.0,0.14786081749134838
suicidewatch,AddictThese,2019/04/02,"My Brother commited suicide and now I think about it, too Hi, you lovely people. I'm 28 years old and have quite a history with mental health. I always thought about death and when  my first love broke up with me the horror circle started: I was thinking about ending my life a lot. I had two serious relationships after that but when that went wrong I started to think about it again (and I didn't even think about it, I also tried somehow).
I've made a lot of unhealthy decisions afterwards and there was one night when I took a lot of pills (don't name what it was) It  made me having a really bad trip instead of just sleeping. After that I thought I was healed ( somehow I had a NDE) and never thought about doing something like that again. But just 2 month later my brother commited suicide. I was ok for a long time, so I thought. But now it's almost been 2 years and I wish I would be by his side. He meant so much to me. I feel hopeless, and useless. And I don't know what to do anymore. Because I promised him I would live for us two together. But now I don't know if I can keep this promise. 
(sorry for bad Grammer I'm German)
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suicidewatch,LatterPudding,2019/04/02,Is there any ethical way to say goodbye to the people in your life? Is there any ethical way to say goodbye to the people in your life? Any amount of perceived liability will eat them away for the rest of their lives.,4.576666666666668,5.654371162790699,5.367441860465117,82.10992248062018,69.93023255813954,8.524031007751939,28.286821705426355,8.841846274778883,2.019672868217054,172,6,35,3,3,56,25,43,0.037000000000000005,0.82,0.14300000000000002,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,10,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5126043499097341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360707720629459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25710577067463625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549503472586332,0.0,0.0,0.2218706899543618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483896011155178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996303898189375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988832899544809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IdiotWithAPhone,2019/04/02,Bloody fingers Today I found my old self harm blades under my mattress while cleaning. I go to pick one up because my day was going nowhere near right and I needed a high today and I cut my finger open. It was deep enough to drip down my hand and I had to go downstairs and lie to my father as to why I was bleeding to get his help. My day has gotten even worse and my thigh just looks so bare. Like I need it to be red and bloody and raw like it used to always be. But I know I shouldn't. K would kill me if I relapsed after I promised I wouldn't.,0.666545454545453,2.2625022000000037,2.1362121212121217,99.17727272727276,81.16666666666666,4.363636363636363,18.409090909090907,3.1291,-0.8849999999999998,424,9,103,0,11,137,77,120,0.116,0.7440000000000001,0.139,0.4435,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,0,10,5,4,2,0,20,21,12,1,6,3,1,3,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,6,5,22,3,14,10,1,18,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,1,9,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643275863230284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203881337700544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25472955701116845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406006886191214,0.0,0.13044035047761032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165377044625102,0.0,0.0,0.10318042772962266,0.0,0.33671453013900465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237345314811644,0.20865913680996184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184935384093094,0.0,0.108535395812749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296737745980053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658419473915322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29287281801706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723264171856415,0.0,0.13382440489697886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865546891979274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602524845105685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37439505152108377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056804028181244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820410036380765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125928703880708,0.14029130292444575,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A-Word-to-the-Wise,2019/04/02,"I don’t know what to do I can’t kill myself
I can’t live either

If I ended my life like I wanted to, it would only hurt my family and put my burdens on them. I don’t want to live anymore, I don’t find joy in anything, and nothing matters 

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suicidewatch,stressedeverytime,2019/04/02,"I’m planning to kill myself before the month ends I’m sorry if this post feels like I’m rambling.

I’ve lost all passion in everything. 

I used to love writing, particularly creative writing, even when I wasn’t good at it. But at this point, I can’t seem to find an interest in it anymore. 

I used to be happy, I used to be full of hopes and dreams. I wanted to be a doctor actually, before I had a shitty biology teacher who told me I wasn’t going to make it. I really did it for the money and to impress my parents, who were never happy with me. I didn’t know what to do from there after my biology teacher made that statement. For the past 2 years of my life I haven’t been able to motivate myself to do anything I enjoy and her saying that, was the icing on the cake. 

My teachers hate me. They don’t understand how hard I try and how hard it hits me when I can’t seem to succeed. One of my teachers even says I ‘bitch’ a lot when really it’s more about me trying to say ‘I’m fucking done.’  Another teacher just seems to be a spiteful person in general and loves putting me down. I hate it. I can’t come to school knowing I have to deal with these people for the rest of the school year. 

My parents are narcissistic and are in an unhappy marriage. My mom gets frustrated with me easily and always try to guilt trip me into everything. My dad is just an asshole, he abuses me and then claims he shouldn’t give me respect because he’s the one who provides food and shelter to me. I have no privacy in my home, recently the lock to my bedroom door has been removed and my parents check up on me every single night at around 11:30pm when I pretend to sleep and they leave me alone. 

My friends are people I can’t open up to In high school, you can’t trust anyone anymore. You say one thing and it goes around before you blink an eye. I know if I told my friends what’s going on, they’ll laugh it off. I built so many walls to keep my real emotions from showing. 

Then I think of my future. After high school I’m going to be so unhappy. It’ll be worse and I know it, I can’t continue being stressed out every single day and then working my ass off in a shitty economy. 

I’m a failure too. It’s not like I can find a guy to date, or motivate myself to get up and go to the gym. I’m broke and I can’t afford to buy food without asking my dad for money. Usually I just get a slap in return instead. 

My health is so shit, I gained so much weight recently. My blood pressure is high and I have problems with my livers. 

I don’t know where to go. I don’t want to continue living. I just know that my future is going to be shit. The life I’m living right at this moment is shit. And when I try to talk to anyone in real life, it’s just “teenage” things. 

I don’t know anymore. I’m sorry... I just want to be dead before April ends. ",1.5997457408363438,3.2133827097315435,3.6695973154362416,89.1676458440888,78.44630872483222,6.329581827568406,23.20650490449148,7.1686216300943375,0.7917215797625197,2189,70,477,26,52,747,250,596,0.141,0.7340000000000001,0.125,-0.88,5,1,0,0,1,2,58.0,0,3,3,7,26,34,10,3,23,0,48,20,8,9,2,80,101,36,2,8,12,6,4,2,2,3,5,4,3,2,27,28,3,1,18,4,4,10,20,16,0,3,13,9,82,18,78,75,8,76,0,2,1,5,38,35,6,8,32,318,109,11,0.06208633022675924,0.07356214888686025,0.06058730224051044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430271385741658,0.0,0.0,0.05166080038087957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510293064961363,0.0,0.0,0.18471886947103308,0.086824411347262,0.0,0.05109175967844582,0.1105399939364271,0.05804233772350712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03784725064174963,0.0,0.21132357659470613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348187599097174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040040546722311686,0.06400828026217698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354798981015924,0.0,0.06353587173541364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983876491351591,0.10998012076355618,0.0,0.0,0.08201487112929691,0.0,0.10462082195502027,0.0,0.11159838051625567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03139271404814376,0.044354486719432165,0.0,0.0,0.11349156207709825,0.0,0.15015007390997118,0.0,0.09593548944278617,0.05739781184884215,0.0973126350741054,0.059558865321217076,0.21171055348745293,0.05207506812821972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147522812342481,0.0,0.13218410603400932,0.11123431377021648,0.12259479465255255,0.0,0.06599486574335528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967928499819169,0.062277651427382286,0.061665734850655074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551851830001007,0.06868932554079367,0.0,0.2388471637637324,0.0,0.0,0.06574045915174934,0.0,0.0,0.13156023345024395,0.06066448969423941,0.0,0.10964673412905578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777456360748231,0.052783577730611236,0.11207067408364388,0.058747586845222,0.041443107534617066,0.06294579401507502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271475958371224,0.049556716448857716,0.0,0.04564059646138283,0.0,0.0478848053717263,0.0,0.0,0.05826381507445993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621391250552294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681856688500536,0.0,0.05926842741614057,0.0860856879624311,0.05421138877261181,0.0,0.0,0.058691650139700624,0.0,0.059461542110399876,0.0,0.0,0.05940823308495985,0.0,0.06241391023736801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133567245110829,0.07954818590921432,0.0,0.12260552189647345,0.0,0.0,0.053021386779707434,0.0,0.1974941670365799,0.0,0.2513387232818257,0.0,0.16956318971686396,0.0,0.0,0.19119217731968746,0.0,0.0,0.062131168231932425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900112721226868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111968150693943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049902640447879065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249479805233136,0.03978241347316955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186522983657966,0.0,0.1686101710808725,0.0,0.0,0.064634059358093,0.0,0.1608679652186011,0.06837932125410996,0.0,0.10986037850727337,0.0,0.0,0.07560442406144627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598490067827351,0.0,0.045199587849704896,0.0,0.06327127468465052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996312217147487
suicidewatch,psi_artbeam,2019/04/02,"I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.  

I am currently in high school, It's very difficult at times and I'm currently failing a class but I'm confident that I can fix this. I am also very interested in writing for video games and children entertainment, I really want to do this but at the same time I don't know what I want nor do I know if I can reach these goals. I'm very uncertain about my future. I'm starting to constantly freak out, I can't control my emotions either.

Unfortunately my parents who are: manipulative, and plain cruel constantly berate me. They want me to reach these goals that I know I cannot achieve. Their always say stuff like: ""You're black! You gotta be the best."" I don't care anymore. I don't want to disappoint them even more than I have already. 

I feel like in 4 years when I'm an adult I will have accomplished nothing and I will be nothing. I don't want to be nothing.

3 more months, 2 more for school and 1 for a bit of summer. After that I will be done. 

​",2.1326750921537645,3.773370421800948,3.8574960505529248,88.28481174302267,77.00947867298578,7.342917324907846,24.51843075302791,8.167268648758528,1.300927119536598,793,27,176,14,18,266,110,211,0.11,0.71,0.18,0.8857,3,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,3,7,4,12,1,1,5,0,27,0,0,2,0,26,46,11,0,6,4,1,1,2,0,4,0,1,0,2,13,6,0,1,6,3,0,0,9,6,0,0,1,3,30,6,20,37,7,20,0,2,1,0,11,7,0,2,15,113,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819400792764694,0.10014608783089232,0.10420108197817346,0.1356862490262221,0.15216770442261404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419414022984294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142076795912766,0.0,0.1367183189908194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276799513066997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706574772755405,0.14045567568122522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128153387683612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140866475438911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271298786474295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633198623701287,0.0894640708753314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231197698899572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441146410556412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223617407625978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995709387359288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360483615012056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905268136063076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022530603502719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995876261007678,0.0,0.25347813734872177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863817486542626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433579625091712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604480567704292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30998267327177736,0.36931839430122587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216770442261404,0.08064377426587878
suicidewatch,asap_testing,2019/04/02,I am heartbreaks home I really want to just not wake up tomorrow I don’t want to be alive at all and don’t know what to do I just want someone I can talk to it doesn’t even have to be about my depression or suicidal thoughts just to talk to someone about music or their life or something ,3.716612903225805,4.007853403225809,4.729193548387098,88.76379032258066,71.41935483870971,8.780645161290323,28.403225806451612,8.841846274778883,1.8432129032258056,229,8,53,4,4,75,38,62,0.168,0.7190000000000001,0.113,-0.7664,0,0,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,0,1,14,14,4,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,11,11,1,3,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269576788813009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404349406789876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643184073209479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448162278629849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612236532869214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688089493011088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465362404936769,0.20286010287427636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882332361854894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235929307537708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091946501206748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662687113141761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twinfantasys,2019/04/02,"So this is how it ends A little backstory: My mom is an addict, lost my dad when I was a young teen. Was pulled out of school at 10, and to this day I don't have a diploma/GED. No drivers license, no vehicle, no job and no way to get to work even if I had one. Staying with a family member at a cheap motel, but they're currently struggling with addiction too. 

I'm 21, don't have many friends, and I'm horribly depressed and lonely. I've been this way ever since my dad passed and I don't see it changing. I feel like I have nothing to live for and no reason to go on. It'll be a miracle if I make it through this week.",1.8550000000000004,2.603139205882353,4.030176470588239,90.39129411764708,76.05882352941177,7.498823529411764,25.364705882352943,7.908726449838941,1.1797288235294117,476,16,114,7,10,165,87,136,0.205,0.7240000000000001,0.071,-0.9492,2,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,7,0,14,2,0,3,1,17,22,12,0,2,3,3,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,2,1,1,3,8,4,0,1,5,2,10,2,14,15,0,18,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,2,8,73,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4003096280029119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422805916881805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840900808282658,0.0,0.15813734501001958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261812180983026,0.0,0.0,0.12126831840996685,0.16607979270234335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308495139442534,0.0,0.09283539900810604,0.13116631031274914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185153643932258,0.0,0.09592520196225776,0.0,0.10434604707477133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821980505134492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969935026565277,0.18401884769147295,0.16212517173883054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042480702533966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255669956448112,0.1861450365301267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503409069314228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617242037950798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244144199601546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877488101992604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581644952928114,0.14630814379348744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187863518920874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956968021534254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194214508157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914716761412794,0.1472755779338786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366546666191834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dicje19,2019/04/02,"Images of me killing myself flash through my mind and it is satisfying to watch them play out. I've been on a strong downward slope for the last year, though I never thought it'd get to this point. I still don't actually want to do it, I don't have the courage or desperation. Who knows where it goes from here - I wonder when/if it will end...",5.223591549295777,4.726674140845071,5.459260563380283,87.53705985915497,68.15492957746478,8.790140845070423,29.017605633802816,8.07648339933343,1.470264788732394,268,8,63,3,4,85,57,71,0.152,0.73,0.118,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,13,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,8,3,9,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,5,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.2958473385933981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685160489314806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583922870169487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354094570897027,0.0,0.16661269916538213,0.2471216341149454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061123285016021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23382114245740224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865908837227505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24210962243358794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978601177331649,0.2406807981529547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881579911039766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287717670077404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522966038444853
suicidewatch,winterkittenn,2019/04/03,"i know exactly how i’ll do it i won’t search it out, but when/if the opportunity arises, i know i’ll take it. and i know it’s only a matter of time ",-2.145833333333332,-0.6320805833333303,2.6700000000000017,91.95000000000003,90.94444444444444,5.822222222222222,14.555555555555555,7.1686216300943375,-0.3904777777777784,113,2,31,2,4,45,25,36,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8042981109475761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37101774945036425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667884888043785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844584025820781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Arata_Kasuga,2019/04/03,I don't get it how people can do it. I'm suicidal for a long time now and in the past wined like a little bitch for attention about it. for a year now I totally stopped my social contacts basically talking to Nobody which really helped me but I just can't kill myself I try over and over and always fail in the doing of it. I just wanna die is it that hard? ,2.1139393939393933,3.274970025974028,4.433181818181819,86.1364393939394,76.01298701298701,7.730735930735931,21.924242424242426,8.344100000000001,1.0733307359307362,280,7,62,5,6,98,55,77,0.22,0.6970000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.8871,0,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,11,8,5,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,11,8,1,12,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,8,47,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295172444141383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862737147752948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411267140151776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470944409746973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488673070640774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30517112786784584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475929917614124,0.27645964967039005,0.0,0.2441057498991841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633162096022553,0.191229614513922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767072934741435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811795697913136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23061084084474565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017192824580708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217061377319628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084190645455312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727420772308315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762902742734787
suicidewatch,truleota,2019/04/03,"I just cut myself After a week or so of being clean I couldn’t handle it. I grabbed my new blade that I had been saving and did three massive lines on my wrist. I’m losing blood fast, I can see the inside of my arm. It doesn’t hurt but i’m getting dizzy and feeling sick. I think I might let myself passout. Goodnight",-0.002352941176472001,2.162502,1.7808823529411768,97.43397058823533,87.8235294117647,3.4000000000000004,17.323529411764707,3.1291,-0.954241176470588,248,6,55,0,8,81,52,68,0.19,0.753,0.057,-0.8233,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,9,4,3,0,0,10,15,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,3,12,1,4,8,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819915071675112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188048656729906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853126881127614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368052981855011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026697903922583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38182902798005736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476227982334566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868177428475615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306287177222044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887142693792105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Numbingsorrow,2019/04/03,"I'm finally getting rid of all this noise. So I don't really know if anyone will read this.  But I can't risk someone finding this in a notebook in my room, so I guess I'll write it here.  I have about 20 days left to live.  I'm killing myself two days after Easter.  I'm 13 years old and in seventh grade, this has been a hard year for me and I have been depressed for two or three years now. 

I don't have a great home life, my sister is disrespectful and mean to everyone, my mom yells so much, and my dad is never home.  My brother sister and I always fight, and I have a lot of anger issues that cause me to lash out at my friends and family.  And there's this guy.  He's everything I want and I know it will destroy him when I go but I have to.  I know that I've caused him the same pain that I'm going through and it's not fair to him.  I hate that I did that to him.  He means so much to me.  I've done too much to hurt him, my friends, and my family already. 

So I'm saying goodbye on the Tuesday after Easter.  I have a while to prepare, to say everything I want to and to make sure everything ends nicely.  I will be able to attend my choir concerts on Good Friday, and I will be able to go to a band rehearsal one more time.  I will be able to spend time with my family again on Easter, and I get to see my favorite aunt, who is in town this week.   
 Then on the Monday after Easter I will spend the day with myself and God.  I might even skip school, just so I can have more time to myself.  And then the day after that is it.  Everything is perfect.  

But I know deep down this isn't what I want.  It's simply what I need.  I know that this will destroy the guy I like, my best friends, and my family.  I know things will fall apart at home and I think only three of my friends will actually care.  I feel so horribly guilty for doing this.  But I know that I've hurt people and myself so much, and there's always this fucking noise in my head.  It won't go away.  I need it to fucking stop.  And this is the only way.  ",0.9825770070337114,2.459044039170508,2.8121367935968955,95.24309240844046,79.80645161290323,5.85874363327674,19.255154014067426,6.5966054737557815,-0.12044608294930904,1539,34,371,14,38,513,182,434,0.117,0.759,0.124,0.4158,0,0,0,0,1,1,47.0,0,0,0,2,18,25,8,1,13,0,38,5,1,3,4,62,72,39,1,6,8,6,2,1,4,11,2,5,4,2,30,24,0,1,12,4,2,6,7,13,0,5,4,8,61,12,47,54,10,54,0,3,1,2,25,19,2,5,29,253,91,3,0.22784998490178746,0.0,0.07411623916956013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381270806263975,0.0,0.12639296008001016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531060024064518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135752039269319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970483397582022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743608167094494,0.1560431324407191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592585427027245,0.0,0.06541561937468535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772321412653707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726915238816021,0.0,0.0,0.05016425537441465,0.0,0.0,0.07257347495674946,0.27303583277051685,0.0,0.286395583514729,0.0,0.03840259949745917,0.0,0.0,0.08319950708021097,0.06941691944990558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471511083839425,0.14042909301063994,0.0793614752999083,0.0,0.17265652963286449,0.06370325235543536,0.0,0.08373513757844306,0.08366748213458466,0.1504048717175771,0.0,0.0,0.06803627739132856,0.07498489605414675,0.07794660641048984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855211260871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261208089522666,0.0,0.0,0.07927206231764447,0.0,0.0,0.08402741650334206,0.0,0.29218091679030905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251989175861674,0.0,0.05364572755357425,0.037105331158574485,0.0,0.06706523702450466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456996972364439,0.0,0.0,0.05069721140202396,0.0,0.0,0.16546362004666046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057094238208458,0.0,0.08895171617098355,0.0,0.0,0.22332794087745014,0.11263191781866655,0.05857731828742345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796967435538209,0.0,0.05146568219113621,0.11552678722090365,0.08081614951796554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052654163514096686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759705481145366,0.0,0.04865551158679788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079696881510213,0.0,0.07686544968358186,0.06052231270991111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435218426871209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349759660828345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158197142537485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050457801854420725,0.048665690048636905,0.0,0.0,0.1328611585172733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838421823423278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343918244846229,0.06028557082374001,0.060922504729663915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672791992155526
suicidewatch,Kayla5245,2019/04/03,"Medication and therapy is nothing but a delay of the inevitable At this point, I know that my eventual death will be due to suicide. I feel that the ""treatment"" of therapy and medications is only delaying the process. ",9.333846153846151,8.915080974358979,9.866282051282052,59.05788461538464,59.769230769230774,13.953846153846154,47.70512820512821,13.023866798666859,6.756682051282049,174,11,27,6,2,59,31,39,0.247,0.701,0.052000000000000005,-0.9033,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,7,6,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793486409526814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992264502960695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496305649405011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617570358076457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747516969173696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257882283549336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983967321345841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.623936568977082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Practical_Duck,2019/04/03,"I think about killing myself almost every day I've been in recovery from pills and anorxia for about a year, a little less. My therapists told me I'd be much healthier and happier if I sobered up and started eating. I listened. But I feel like nothing has changed, I still feel just as depressed, anxious, and alone as ever. I still don't have friends, I'm still very socially awkward, and I have panic attacks nearly every day. I don't really see how this is much better than being sick, I'd really rather not be alive most days. I'm exhausted of living.",5.368558322411534,6.034273798165138,6.180104849279162,78.48871559633028,67.89908256880733,9.164351245085193,32.08519003931848,9.23628265651192,2.860561205766712,440,18,81,8,7,145,77,109,0.261,0.665,0.075,-0.9627,0,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,2,2,2,0,10,4,0,1,1,17,19,10,1,2,5,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,4,11,3,11,14,4,13,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,3,10,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055821978395474,0.16606478470201402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811395435131594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824108868092335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418084692606272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961937967034796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102197888040475,0.0,0.13810135609706792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640687388144947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503749630462254,0.270188196284103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214632281855393,0.11454754932993065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387895816438473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739341581370602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833444979064028,0.16070367446729314,0.14158392549959606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357379765288665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538513888656171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812546318753529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543693374655012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777091372468166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634473244268039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349009282241455,0.0,0.3841452769178289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616810795842093,0.0,0.10273995500403632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321257222678258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229800973213374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325426308562582
suicidewatch,briellalala732,2019/04/03,"I know this is dark but... Ever since my mom died i can't stop torturing myself with the thought that everyone I love will eventually die, whether that is today or in 30 years. She died 3 years ago and still every time my dad travels or even is just out of the house my mind conjures up these horrible escenarios of his death, and how everything will feel once he is gone. This happens with everyone i love, everytime they travel or go out without me, which, basically, is a torturous experience. 

​

I constantly think about just killing myself to spare me the pain. I have been suicidal before, and this is not like that, I don't constantly think about dying or about how much i hate my life. I'm not perfectly happy but i'm not miserable either, so idk what to do. I really just want to die and never feel what it would feel like to remember my uncle's birthday 30 years from now after all of them are dead and new family replaces them. I don't want to watch my dad or sister grow old, I don't want to go to any funerals of anyone I love. ",7.634641148325358,6.021608086124402,8.087315789473685,74.30571052631579,63.83253588516747,12.187751196172247,34.297129186602874,11.20814326018867,3.595891483253588,826,28,167,20,10,275,124,209,0.21,0.6890000000000001,0.101,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,3,1,13,13,4,1,4,0,17,5,0,2,4,45,37,16,10,4,16,4,3,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,8,2,0,6,9,6,0,0,3,4,27,7,23,31,3,26,0,1,1,3,13,4,0,5,18,112,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936270766494041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444083857611878,0.1283416692797038,0.07182623404154634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385300052599225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987610725618561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282786125241307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5480921474934505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976199696218452,0.09554068322125653,0.08899065941225652,0.20185171699170296,0.09492578328003627,0.1033180828505026,0.09957053921171018,0.0,0.16021619434910211,0.07545601243223722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120054251835785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340073339049623,0.11243603844790542,0.0,0.10427935293159224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187301662551278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685452781256925,0.0,0.058046807795706916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460358087036181,0.10320264819023156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859825511149406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664759400357103,0.12370261069331508,0.0,0.0,0.0776439469537596,0.0,0.08146180322860687,0.102009891686295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083198465123292,0.11248343805604437,0.0,0.0,0.11238871054873202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766383007536739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964855670251605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873711866843162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084349457089965,0.0883042937372571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553276527146825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535596994298002,0.0,0.08385166377164519,0.061588739283879576,0.0,0.10011682102676478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868948712875836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181534572637983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503047494583359,0.0,0.1283416692797038,0.20405032682007854
suicidewatch,lockedawayforgood,2019/04/03,"I think tonight’s the night I’ve been thinking about commuting suicide for years now but it’s a scary thing to do. My main fear is that I’ll fail. My sister is a cutter and my family knows about it. To her face they’re supportive but when they talk about her to me they always talk about how crazy she is. I don’t want to live to become the one they call crazy. I don’t have a gun or anything like that, the only thing I do have are blood pressure pills. I have quite a few of them too. I figured if I take them all then it’ll probably be all over for me. I’ll finally be free of this miserable life. But still I’m scared. I think it’ll work but what if it doesn’t? What if I throw them up or something? Fuck I want to do it but I’m so fucking scared. I just feel like I’m on my last straw. I can’t take this shit anymore ",-0.7176345755693561,1.210131097826089,1.230403726708076,101.84710144927536,88.56521739130434,4.8091097308488635,16.370600414078677,6.18269132825596,-0.7245203933747413,638,14,165,6,21,209,100,184,0.254,0.664,0.08199999999999999,-0.9903,0,0,1,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,6,3,11,13,3,5,7,0,19,7,3,1,2,23,34,15,1,5,11,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,1,0,0,6,0,1,1,4,9,0,1,1,1,27,5,17,29,4,13,0,2,0,2,13,3,3,5,11,106,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996964074987133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490691154524588,0.0,0.0,0.12853803273911468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250893943407344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949610302425773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725001724066006,0.17576670574203118,0.0789786402246836,0.11158821896036966,0.0,0.17110779016388605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888059391578366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584259477102328,0.12732260147484592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032759947215186,0.15262136617520844,0.0,0.1379261116657462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658168394826496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584412646233972,0.11879597584060687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840837037166345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613630085963474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127638372198655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033548594692007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024921421596865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474030078644917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085577534046414,0.17725217396325124,0.0,0.0,0.2348836222480885,0.25109282874685546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075426471821176,0.3002570197799937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842598104296232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371434727214685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058669421729656
suicidewatch,Yamanashi,2019/04/03,"I feel like I've ruined my life I just want to apologise for the way I write all this out as I'm not the greatest at it.

I told my ex that I had cheated on her while I was stationed in a different state. We had been together for seven years and I made a horrible decision near the end of my time before separating from the military. The night I told her what I had done I was almost there about to kill myself... She wouldn't let me near her to comfort her after I told her and hearing her say ""Please just get away from me"" made me want to end it all because of what I did to her. I got my gun and loaded it and locked the bathroom door and was about to do it when she pounded on the door and told me what am I doing open the door. I was so close to doing it but it hit me, how could I do this to her after all that I've done already... So I didn't do it. 

We broke up that night and I packed my clothes and went to my sisters to stay so she could watch me until my parents came and got me to be with them. It's been four days since then and I just get over what I've done. I know what I did was wrong and I can't take any of it back, I've been begging her to take me back but she's very unsure of it rightfully so, I broke her heart. I just want it to be over, I struggle to get out of bed and do anything I can't even look myself in the mirror without feel disgusted. Everything reminds me of her and I can't stop thinking about that night.

At this point I feel like I have nothing besides my parents and my sister. All my friends besides one have left me, I have no job now, and I feel so lost. I don't know what I have to live for anymore, I just feel like the only way out is to end it all. I know what I did wasn't right and if there was anyway to take it all back I would but I can't. If she gave me another chance I don't know if I could ever get over what I did, it'll always just be in the back of my mind.",0.5970833333333339,1.7414156527777784,2.638148148148151,97.52166666666668,79.97222222222223,5.818518518518517,20.10185185185185,6.286939319323684,-0.2014703703703704,1470,35,380,11,36,496,165,432,0.091,0.8370000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.8901,4,0,0,1,1,1,32.0,2,0,1,1,26,14,3,1,13,0,49,2,1,3,7,72,85,33,1,11,14,5,5,3,1,3,1,2,4,0,29,25,0,1,11,0,0,2,12,9,0,3,33,9,84,5,55,41,7,51,0,4,2,0,33,23,0,4,25,288,113,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468807343830785,0.0,0.093328882946315,0.0,0.07037186871309169,0.0,0.0,0.05751283247855162,0.08868261534344662,0.0,0.0,0.08387411690236084,0.0,0.0,0.06959672668453548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945952137820941,0.2601269887475853,0.0,0.051555177884902416,0.0,0.0719657597175348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672947318690668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025750059178064,0.0,0.0,0.05454286570027311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836123370862864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25964394616645525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472086850267184,0.0,0.0,0.0558599528179992,0.07650150926487581,0.0,0.0,0.07600914546796539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138143365236407,0.18125782565759616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534122214735029,0.0,0.17674450593283286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528219564192126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095320402107069,0.10021992163680198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392607928153005,0.0,0.09356796958834206,0.0,0.1859173811472911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188927904497016,0.08648206209803318,0.05973671467190325,0.12395491764070014,0.0,0.07467988805884826,0.0,0.07102038075347106,0.0,0.09232188926825187,0.0,0.0,0.1600508485429132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539505502432601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809930439993335,0.0,0.08115048694715983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730914487787424,0.06432190446373204,0.0,0.0,0.18781757062682675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283622910595962,0.07994922780395762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445049406662325,0.0,0.06725618598547435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996001517106906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901440234205904,0.0,0.07070717434398772,0.0,0.08841451179190132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907660819749662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419123895455513,0.0,0.0,0.049315447096252914,0.0,0.0,0.3232541463370281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978193691368133,0.14965080053126298,0.13426090417113307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840041682232532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815257684138083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007853807078135,0.09246776903630567,0.0,0.05446251600684292
suicidewatch,Whateverittakes1190,2019/04/03,"It'd be easier to go if I didn't have a sister Honestly, if it wasn't for my sister I'd have just done it years ago. My sister is so much like me. Less isolated than I am, but distant with the few friends she has. Anxiety ridden. Struggling financially. She's my best friend and I'm hers and the thought of leaving her alone is what scares me, not dying. So I'll just keep pushing through my jobless, soon to be homeless, hopeless life. ",0.5589090909090899,2.9264066888888927,2.4164646464646458,92.31045454545456,87.66666666666666,5.494949494949495,23.73737373737373,6.980632752743323,0.9332222222222212,342,14,73,5,11,113,66,90,0.17800000000000002,0.65,0.172,0.3497,1,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,3,0,12,1,0,0,0,11,16,7,1,2,6,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,4,0,12,5,7,9,4,6,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311278503603888,0.0,0.0,0.2700451687015115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946329140133595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736276697652533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706041123636356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26682474458904115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028899229429833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818299442016356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23175525820155024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760831124719534,0.0,0.0,0.18416643873568908,0.12738305563585864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167188803852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26104348477477096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27257919788025514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206996261020244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790624781853533
suicidewatch,Pinkchocolate_95,2019/04/03,Please don’t do it 😔 your life is worth it. Please don’t do it you are worth living. I was just in your spot a couple days ago and glad I didn’t make that mistake. I know it’s hard and you just want the pain and misery to go away but you can beat this. There’s someone out there that cares about you if you think someone doesn’t. Someone will miss you. If you need to talk I’m here. Just don’t do it. ,-1.8849450549450568,0.0027033626373658137,-0.1523076923076907,108.62230769230771,97.7912087912088,2.8000000000000003,11.395604395604394,3.1291,-2.152951648351648,310,4,84,0,13,98,55,91,0.105,0.745,0.151,0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,9,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,0,13,2,0,1,0,16,22,6,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,3,0,0,2,1,12,2,6,19,0,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,2,2,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895615174720116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009152940594368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180301814596345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661645818977586,0.0,0.13791293618362951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215335721854095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915639529451462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752413259001852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510457071258107,0.0,0.0,0.18882987726860426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274382126476018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856405018337005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275471506828887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694772368792097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435728969236694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188126114292018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702383957456707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261318722349041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,410cr,2019/04/03,"Advice on my thoughts. Reddit, there isn’t anybody to turn to to talk about this stuff in my life. Nobody understands what I’m going through. I feel like I’m gonna fail at life and that’s gonna be the end. Thanks guys.",0.5065957446808511,2.5693656170212797,1.6334468085106373,100.09400000000002,84.31914893617022,4.611063829787233,17.910638297872342,5.6839178017228535,-0.6403412765957448,172,4,41,1,5,54,38,47,0.076,0.8059999999999999,0.118,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,12,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,8,8,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,20,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28514368029130405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258448277504916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754289803681772,0.2084620495534224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583672121400253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28892797548165144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122140799906833,0.14255878933701166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33404130163167944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23453786697377804,0.0,0.26865032725402244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316566848002909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173947160011414,0.0,0.3037741947049212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeastStatistician,2019/04/03,"I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself. I really fucking do. I really want to fucking end myself. Holy fuck I feel like I'm going fucking crazy, I don't know what to do. So many fucking things about myself makes me hate life even more, what the fuck do I do? Do I just wait? Do I just take my fucking time? What the fuck",-0.6445588235294117,1.5516930735294139,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,96.20588235294115,3.896470588235295,17.094117647058823,5.6839178017228535,-0.4305399999999997,251,7,54,2,10,84,34,68,0.329,0.615,0.056,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,14,13,0,2,0,7,11,0,1,0,7,28,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,13,0,0,0,1,15,1,3,28,1,3,0,0,0,10,0,0,10,0,3,36,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752675761555205,0.0,0.0,0.06527084800750126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996725688805962,0.07059829324247109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9135913527786208,0.0,0.0,0.05616269004222628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29269812040535664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430986115560851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980073965549269,0.048279325831567285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596429978134162,0.10018976552172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661551448559333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430167358085338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565279382801842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057623769614146725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828764116278524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unei_Karma,2019/04/03,"Why can't I get better? Ive delt with a lot of psychological problems since I was a toddler. At age 9 I fell into a depression and thoughts of suicide started occurring. I didnt know what they were then until I was 13. I wasn't an edgy kid, I did like black but I wasn't emo. Ive never cut myself but self harm I have done has been bruises as they were easier to hide than scars. I've attempted or rather contemplated many many times before to cut my own life line. No matter how ""well"" my life is going i seem to keep fining myself in this hole of sick thoughts. I believe that the reason of thos happening is my own family. When I would mention my deppresion and my thoughts of suicide they just said I needed more sleep. I shake now, occasionally, thinking those thoughts, not being able to help myself. Death just seems so much easier. I have a ""good"" thing going for me but I don't seem to feel any better. And when i do it comes back to haunt me and I'm back to square one.  I might be an ""adult"" now but I feel as weak as my 9 year old self. I can control my actions, for the most part, I just wish I could stop it all, one way or another. This isn't a cry for help but rather just a breather. Thank you for reading. I know I'll make it out of this, one way or another. My pride is to big to let the thoughts win.",1.1209760132340776,2.896038430107528,2.8903405017921138,93.45294665012408,80.4695340501792,6.156106975461812,20.76661152467604,7.1686216300943375,0.3329838985387368,1018,28,238,13,26,338,157,279,0.16699999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.136,-0.8863,0,0,0,0,0,3,34.0,0,1,3,6,15,16,2,1,11,0,29,5,1,4,2,53,55,21,3,7,15,0,2,1,0,2,4,1,0,4,10,8,0,3,14,1,0,6,9,7,1,3,16,5,42,9,29,33,8,28,0,1,2,0,12,5,0,9,16,161,52,1,0.10366343814578964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049469270989975,0.2174003069550766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942157034389887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820995068907547,0.11679319617628335,0.0,0.1833637738400097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929687297448567,0.0,0.0,0.11626736056156314,0.08276682018868009,0.0,0.11386941914309795,0.0,0.0,0.08928516737544469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608368840012636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772466367411706,0.0,0.1048306981286395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541598678805494,0.0,0.11782864164624356,0.08694797363817815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166923599855988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896683491525785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214082687124904,0.0,0.0,0.11394142914362035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600288891688488,0.14644110410890446,0.050644719635516894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813094807192164,0.0,0.0,0.06919614992210392,0.21019691131968332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997052607539168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620455470522122,0.0768651258704477,0.07995163414628231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877734026675673,0.0,0.21073508555535905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225740158358807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919191025239706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369149094437206,0.0,0.0,0.10658327953511444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860766836512036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831139022844195,0.21628714828370701,0.0,0.0,0.08575146726260906,0.0,0.10373830264106376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337351507237788,0.0,0.0,0.08666727603137256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267819521492984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543936622248983,0.0,0.0,0.06886938206859483,0.0664233454176472,0.0,0.41148595284675615,0.060446984422096686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645664241285109,0.0,0.0,0.0932058803715034,0.0,0.0935401291102138,0.0,0.11920783792098487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736395322094281,0.0,0.0,0.06675585542656402
suicidewatch,feistyeel,2019/04/03,"Feeling Guilty? I feel guilty. Horribly guilty for wanting to kill myself. People have invested so much into my life for me to succeed. There's so much money my family wouldn't get back because of me. There's so much time wasted in coursework and personal time to push me forward in my education. Obviously people care, but I don't. I do not want to be alive. I haven't wanted to be alive for a while, but I'm just now back to a point of actually being legitimately suicidal.   


I recently ended a long-term relationship because I made some really stupid decisions, and I knew he deserved a love greater than what I could give him. It killed me; it kills me a little more every day. ANYWAY. I had to move out and get my own place in the middle of a very stressful semester of uni.    


My mom has invested an easy few thousand dollars into helping me get situated into my new place. She wanted it to feel like home for me as soon as possible because I don't function well in unfamiliarity-- it picks at my anxiety and depression.   


 My grades plummeted and can't be saved. I'm about to watch my GPA die as well as any chance of getting into a graduate school.  A few of my professors have instilled trust and faith in my ability to help in their labs and to complete outstanding work to excel in my future career. I'll have a bachelor's degree my the end of the year. I will have the opportunity to possibly be accepted into a graduate program January 2020. I'm almost done.   


​

I feel guilty that thoughts of death even cross my mind because I would have wasted so many people's time. I have several plans & access to more than enough resources to follow through. I've often sat and just stared at the things, contemplating the decision to actually follow through. I've written letter after letter and tossed them repeatedly. The guilt of how I'd make others feel eats me alive. I'm tired of feeling so much and so little so often. ",4.162399999999998,5.978801706666665,5.647666666666666,76.83550000000002,71.93333333333334,8.840000000000002,28.766666666666666,9.3871,2.7320666666666664,1540,61,281,36,30,520,197,375,0.183,0.659,0.158,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,2,5,24,19,4,2,18,0,23,4,0,4,1,50,52,25,6,7,5,1,6,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,8,16,1,0,11,0,4,6,6,7,2,1,7,8,41,12,55,36,12,44,1,1,2,1,14,22,0,4,19,194,49,11,0.0,0.0,0.17371140098619647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912530147868537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287300477265354,0.10815039324904144,0.060526214913579714,0.0,0.06808831454935188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368781656826788,0.0,0.21702563703383215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074617374451173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331968339582564,0.0,0.0,0.07106297160651574,0.0,0.0,0.057400636851060935,0.0,0.07665957565628469,0.0,0.09237277592041164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108265992951232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107397821018216,0.0,0.0,0.15766340596111236,0.09196559712959852,0.0,0.058786732692838975,0.0,0.07499025737270094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390566393753866,0.0,0.27002055561483085,0.06358494059919126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600502687595172,0.08538137161996906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931588311980328,0.0,0.08927892214638927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29541137824032465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286661732077259,0.04348317677632507,0.17841208572071315,0.0,0.07876631549641426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080330172678989,0.08421835300514761,0.059411295806519424,0.0902367464814778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986932533512189,0.10424117176829337,0.0,0.09459785857838117,0.2617146385452154,0.0,0.0,0.08596124674926303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851138552280976,0.07771542835588732,0.1859818336532809,0.0,0.08413816422694374,0.20067874206033492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701865865122077,0.0,0.08788135545602715,0.0955576863248466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900774587430287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054992168600968,0.0,0.0,0.10004495709426084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195452723097226,0.0,0.0,0.09735664237019907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059130735376109,0.0,0.0,0.0706597511344973,0.15569798360845274,0.10229775343796983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343815855876105,0.20998899722822528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005174091021404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479644611178148,0.0,0.0,0.06322635054223585,0.0,0.10815039324904144,0.05731607723882815
suicidewatch,goreisthenewpink,2019/04/03,"I don't know what's good for me anymore. I'm so sad lately, and keep making suicidal jokes like it will help. Hoping someone will just be like damn you ok? Nothing. 

​

People I talk to just think insults are jokes lately, sometimes its funny, but lately it's ripping me apart. I don't know what to do anymore. 

​

All I want to do is sleep, and I'm constantly thinking my how I could die. I'm trying so hard to give myself reasons. I do but goddamn sometimes it's so hard. I feel like if I talk about it, I get told sorry. Like its going to change but it keeps going at me.

​

I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be near people. I'm honestly so stuck. ",0.5035416666666671,2.6753356041666656,2.424166666666668,93.71250000000002,85.31944444444446,4.433333333333334,20.805555555555557,5.602791699666715,-0.024644444444444247,533,17,114,3,16,177,74,144,0.205,0.612,0.183,-0.8187,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,0,8,13,2,0,0,1,15,1,1,3,1,25,37,12,2,6,7,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,6,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,3,17,10,11,29,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,3,1,2,8,67,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595430029320127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325334045646177,0.3729253714328516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291272733477966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822223821496699,0.0,0.0,0.11055241170374924,0.0,0.08168003920385485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617360614084312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172710219744458,0.07308476304191762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344871437218642,0.09813766049376034,0.11628147664803525,0.08580629144954692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832854817022368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857105599827261,0.0,0.0,0.10160923849427302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186191843452154,0.0,0.0,0.11244530571765317,0.0,0.3462042539244025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999188890363109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682875604681775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981617883986934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184702769378105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518377329293893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237615275477667,0.0,0.08668038247037665,0.0,0.20235912431236325,0.11451901708533806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190208044753946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445338102408533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110232930047128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775420427358934,0.0,0.06945652690026506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810215904805368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729253714328516,0.0
suicidewatch,Sindravaska,2019/04/03,"I know how I want to die :) Cant kill myself even though I want to because im scared of the pain.

I tried to OD once on 100 diaz thinking I wouldnt feel a thing. Survived obviously.

Lying in bed now I was thinking about the idea of how im going to do it in 5-10 years. Everythings painful, then I thought hang on.

Now bare with me on this, I think life is shit, thats why I want to go, but going without pain is important or in my mind it just defeats the purpose of it all.

So.

If I dont kill myself; live for as long as I can, at some point I will become ill as all people do, i'll be hospitalized and at some point the doctors will be aware that there is nothing they can do, as it does to all people one day; they'll do what they always do if someone is dying and they can't save them.

They give them morphine and they die feeling nothing (except, the high I can only imagine it gives you).

The reason this stood out for me is because my dream way of going is to OD, because I used to think if you OD you'll just die in a happy high state and what better way to go?

I always find it fascinating. People think because youre suicidal its to do with your depression and life traumas, they obviously weigh in but for me alot of it is I just dont want to die naturally and because life is shit I always figured somewhere between the age of 30 and 45 would be a reasonable point to kill myself.

I think I might just wait, for the morphine in the hospital.

It'll be everything I ever wanted, I will have the oppourtunity to live a life - and i'll still be able to kill myself.

I'll die, so happy.

",5.117728613569319,4.014196716814158,6.374469026548674,82.90500737463127,68.55752212389379,9.067256637168141,30.04277286135693,7.984000788550335,1.7882401179941,1233,38,278,13,18,420,150,339,0.188,0.69,0.122,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,6,36.0,0,5,9,3,16,17,6,1,15,0,37,12,2,5,6,62,62,24,14,10,12,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,1,0,16,11,1,1,16,1,0,6,6,13,0,1,3,2,44,4,46,45,6,35,0,2,0,0,16,17,2,8,9,191,60,1,0.06983712341739699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433024365576116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128603111525048,0.07712961599038848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061765260409050685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045039167123150696,0.0,0.06015061206606464,0.0,0.4348794494845616,0.0,0.0,0.07148125507000562,0.061114937326633874,0.0,0.16369717705086842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046126761367593146,0.0631716763818068,0.0,0.0,0.1255302068076861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062349594121617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382986559733406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398826481920978,0.1984502331762371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868583298770455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757351042924627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883761173436281,0.15087215480267138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30905771932273945,0.0,0.03838065663164001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973121023952613,0.0,0.0,0.12333491890595,0.061803656578284925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408615167675811,0.07051558632556433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402120687325347,0.0,0.0,0.07437425720238633,0.0473234422265882,0.05311427934023742,0.2229348695982566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524880419118402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980559649478372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360838845912874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991914372549851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337360720305556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059172768041529024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557720169734232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639047799483023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639668161922402,0.2684928527185085,0.06861461917514965,0.055442875111028314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741482257123395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031685181931225,0.0,0.0,0.2059587240452816,0.1108669158364135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301714141452654,0.0,0.0,0.06732049483080987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049610288750760366,0.0,0.0,0.04497281778077139
suicidewatch,quinnamations,2019/04/03,"what's the harm in becoming a statistic? The last couple of days I've been in a sort of turmoil. I accepted myself as trans and came out to a lot of my friends. And then I realized ""oh but that means I'm weird, and that a lot of people are gonna hate me. . ."" And a variety of other great things. I just wished I was normal. and that's tearing my brain apart and I just kinda want it to end",-0.6672941176470601,1.3324053882352942,1.8850000000000016,96.68750000000004,89.23529411764706,5.282352941176471,17.911764705882355,6.742157984588678,-0.09238823529411766,298,8,72,4,10,102,57,85,0.133,0.747,0.12,-0.2807,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,7,0,3,1,1,0,0,21,10,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,0,9,3,11,6,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,4,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26568015397606376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685450575402863,0.0,0.2751371069014601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617559928653645,0.0,0.1551416106845844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306518610840447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585643269543875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26521878213979033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23750367391143365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608890110531071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40903184082943067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620408890837834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569819785025595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667743497610644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981769594327988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188880578345645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766326838236501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TW272836,2019/04/03,"I've got nothing and I'm going nowhere. I'd like to talk about my shitty situation and life in general but there's no point anymore. I'm going to find a way to end it all real soon, I don't even care if people say I'm ""too young"" to die. Yeah I may only be 20 years old but vast majority of those years has been nothing but pain and sadness, and I can't see a way out of my current situation at all. 

I'm trapped and the only way I can get peace is if I end it. I just wanted to type this out so at least I'll leave something behind in this world before I leave. That's it really, peace. ",-0.15353146853146882,1.5084211060606094,2.7624242424242453,93.34248251748257,84.15151515151516,5.576689976689976,19.244755244755247,6.67199483983844,-0.01500419580419621,454,12,111,5,13,161,83,132,0.187,0.7,0.112,-0.8245,1,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,1,8,2,0,0,2,20,19,11,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,2,9,2,15,15,4,22,0,1,1,0,2,9,0,3,9,62,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265047360038472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097732303616014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693498099162628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597480007700082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726605717530726,0.0,0.0,0.10166483496796982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068303430771004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041852937873831,0.0,0.17495622590483215,0.0,0.12310645999694522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32596492993786913,0.0,0.0,0.10872052216791102,0.07519911021329223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295386961386585,0.0,0.16151652646709616,0.0,0.0,0.2341310893489961,0.1637851582200748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671097984178143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550719505597154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519832216984604,0.09860715600847628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240592237996176,0.0,0.0,0.12265687764342248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34603229628390697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849761458048436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371765353630575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078790302840532,0.3665312619314586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19824301391074547
suicidewatch,Throwaway956021864,2019/04/03,"My like is worthless, my future is a joke, and there's no escape other than suicide I have no future. I have nothing. I've just been holding on, but I know it's to no avail. I can't do it anymore. There's nobody I can reach out to. Anybody I have has problems of their own and doesn't want to hear about me. I just can't do it anymore. I have nobody. I have nothing. I'm going to kill myself. I just have to do it. I just have to get it over with. Nobody will care, nobody will lose anything, I just have to finish it all.",-1.2959710144927534,0.6893829391304394,1.354782608695654,99.00463768115944,93.52173913043478,3.066666666666667,16.36231884057971,3.1291,-1.1381768115942028,398,10,94,0,15,136,60,115,0.222,0.691,0.08800000000000001,-0.948,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,1,0,1,0,21,0,0,0,1,15,28,3,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,1,17,3,14,25,2,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4857093276007609,0.0,0.0,0.2015149641486608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496709715229108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793943218755455,0.0,0.13917066360740835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27599699480564943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709228858208273,0.0,0.13457936953820165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196357547946108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27395752374802346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699369710856519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23431661065495601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678584284248819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443627423537414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LegoFanatic2,2019/04/03,"Lost Hope No matter how hard I try to reach out no one ever seems to care or want to talk to me. I just wish someone would care about me enough to just check in and see how I’m doing. I do it all the tine for others, too bad no one does it for me. The nicest and happiest person to many people in my life gets to sit here and contemplate his entire existence. Since no one will probably care have a nice night",2.9235606060606045,3.4295248409090924,4.075454545454543,91.96651515151515,73.31818181818181,7.684848484848485,20.348484848484848,7.793537801064563,0.3696530303030312,318,5,76,4,6,104,62,88,0.146,0.591,0.263,0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,2,17,16,6,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,1,2,8,5,13,13,2,6,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,3,2,52,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983877616764232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489039321366855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704369160404588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542665327817906,0.0,0.0,0.16232878078223298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375867363184066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160757876613373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782409089136468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675551311088146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589809231787805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194083902040745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16840787482382616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648133365638945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441261994234801,0.15669459273781364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348458138088784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300368644531272,0.16337056079645454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844836494539976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205300605981098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424042804585813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183926056473868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584816006359304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636624879960105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274808292009288,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hyruletimeparadox,2019/04/03,I want to chat. Does anybody want to just talk. I feel very lonely despite being around people. I've been feeling angry lately at my friends. I just really wish I could drop dead.,1.0445714285714305,3.6598414571428615,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,91.57142857142857,3.942857142857144,18.42857142857143,5.6839178017228535,-0.0985999999999998,141,4,26,1,5,45,28,35,0.29,0.478,0.232,-0.6771,0,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,4,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812339429857169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522347667234696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764619161561244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194752030784466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407741494699264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563691940669117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901772017679103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238512038887388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539228715106833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26066538415024343,0.3726731695350341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632900372524062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcig987,2019/04/03,"Need a gun Well Title. I live in southern germany, so I can't get one that easy. I hate living I hate being awake I hate the politics of my country I hate my parents and last but not least I hate myself. I will only use it to for once not to pussy out.",-2.086210317460317,-0.2914160892857112,0.9545238095238098,99.30158730158728,102.75,3.203174603174604,15.150793650793652,5.033348758259628,-1.017144444444444,193,5,46,1,9,67,42,56,0.28,0.659,0.061,-0.9127,1,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,11,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,11,1,6,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968822764011655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8474215482335626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399304334366179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031678643705404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728791956914565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828183366090085,0.11632510112920876,0.13055947802940715,0.0,0.0,0.1906144119194745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482640221749322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434805407195298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PopeHilariusXVII,2019/04/03,"Been cutting myself a lot tonight. I’m really tempted to slit my wrists. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I know that I’m broken. None of the 9 meds I’ve tried or any of the therapists I’ve seen have helped me. The worst part is I didn’t used to be this way. I used to have friends, I got good grades, people liked me. Then over the course of the past seven years it all disappeared. And it’s all my fault. I threw all of it away and I hate myself so much for that. 

I’m 22 years old. I have no job.. I haven’t been to school since I flunked out of my freshman year of college (I was the first one in my family to go to college so that made it even worse). I haven’t spoken to a human being other than my mother and my therapist in months. I’m the classic worthless mom’s basement-dwelling cretin. 

I feel like I’m a total piece of shit for the way I lived my life. I was given countless opportunities, and I threw them all away. I had some friends who actually liked me for who I was, and I pushed them away. I’ve verbally abused my mother, the only person in the world who really cares about me, to the point where she’s thinking of kicking me out (I’ll be homeless if that happens). I have a lot of talents (good at math, music, science, writing) but I’ve done exactly fuck all with them. It’s like the universe is mocking me by dangling these positive things in front of me—opportunities, friends, family, ability—and then having them amount to absolutely nothing. 

I don’t feel like I am a normal, cohesive person. I feel like I’m split in two—the true me and the mentally ill, self destructive me. I liked my friends, and yet a part of me—the sick part of me—pushed them away. I liked college, yet a part of me made me flunk out. I love my mom more than anything, yet a part of me lashes out at her. I hate my current situation, yet a part of me feels like I deserve it. What really scares me is that the sick part of me is just as much “me” as the good part. Yet it doesn’t feel like me, and I can’t control it. I’m alienated from myself. I don’t know who I am. 

I’m totally unstable. Sometimes I’ll sob, scream, hyperventilate. I’m really, really, crushingly lonely. I’m scared. I don’t trust myself. I don’t know what to do next. I feel like I should die so I can finally kill the sick part of me. If the good part of me has to die with it, then so be it. 
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suicidewatch,Nb607,2019/04/03,"Continued failure I just can't seem to cope with my life and suicide is looking more and more like the only way out of this black hole I'm falling in to. I'm suffering from chronic gastrointestinal problems that no doctor has been able to sort out for almost two years now. It seems like it's never going to get better, and it's cost me a potential career as an electrical lineman because of it. I went from being an apprentice to being a warehouse guy because I was out of work for months last year. I'm happy I have a job but now it's a dead end and everything I worked so hard for in the three years or so building to that point were all for nothing. I finally found someone who broke me out of my normally hermit personality that actually motivated me to be a better person.  I actively tried to be different with her, I tried to control my mood swings (borderline personality disorder).  I curbed my sarcastic sense of humor with her as well which is a huge deal for me. I made leaps and bounds trying to make things the best that they could be. But even that wasn't enough. We split up today and she's supposed to be coming over to exchange personal items later tonight. I just feel like I can't be successful no matter what approach I take. Everything just ends up right back here and worse every single time. I'm never going to make it out of this hole I'm in and it's only getting deeper. I don't know what else to do. I don't necessarily want to die, but Im tired of feeling like my life doesn't matter and that I'm only a detriment to those around me. Honestly, and I'm not just saying this for attention, I truly believe the world would be a better place without me in it. I offer no real positives to anyone around me at this point and I just can't shake this feeling that I shouldn't be here. I honestly don't know how else to put this feeling. I'm not upset or angry. I'm 100% in my right state of mind. I just can't think of a reason that I should continue this cycle.",4.287405587405587,4.932339393120394,5.683974883974887,81.15987623987627,70.30221130221129,8.683192283192284,27.85048685048685,8.841846274778883,2.0231738829738832,1571,52,319,27,27,531,200,407,0.124,0.708,0.16899999999999998,0.9557,3,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,1,0,1,9,18,20,0,2,15,0,30,5,0,7,3,73,61,21,3,7,14,0,5,4,0,3,5,1,0,5,29,23,0,3,13,0,2,8,18,5,1,2,7,8,40,14,57,41,7,52,0,2,2,0,14,23,0,6,23,219,69,9,0.08913779850465586,0.0,0.08698563305852525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925862927409589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232722127150251,0.0,0.0,0.15870307795973332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854146490214326,0.0,0.10867514924260907,0.0,0.0,0.10042777447565418,0.09354462016549353,0.2365054172130204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678432061168178,0.0,0.0,0.09997562056382288,0.07116927889728976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189715623070237,0.0,0.0,0.09251096180438716,0.09313002742405778,0.10215963962303397,0.09123631386144457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892638547631767,0.0,0.1578992639496403,0.092103173890804,0.0,0.058874675233725624,0.0,0.07510243972189795,0.0,0.1602226113151148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028299686050114,0.12736012212460088,0.0,0.09764610124068117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773499518674633,0.0,0.0,0.09314164138344808,0.0,0.10131813014313712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826043474432656,0.0,0.09488884401883428,0.07984995901223177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628411850804884,0.0,0.08845551082792646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797560580667533,0.07265920284477917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592132640344064,0.1741929033010313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485330081569361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434434020690723,0.11900034533641357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000376615970443,0.0,0.07114894034221325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374971307555215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733611678793188,0.08553012172493728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337993739747973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113267497963935,0.09313002742405778,0.0,0.16852806293916045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852928348463155,0.0,0.08960810752232773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014583294458998,0.0,0.09164850274216296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224638576463922,0.0,0.07088595510016185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229540795411354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552616740990546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750228391396312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702053113960303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059219192530900036,0.05711590205523076,0.0,0.0,0.05197696713525191,0.1024507866812245,0.08449221037320535,0.0,0.0,0.1815561420776883,0.0,0.08707467691034833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257578303876997,0.07075343542999561,0.0,0.0,0.08014558587493242,0.0826316322472048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592565686873077,0.0,0.12978675787489172,0.0,0.09083903193141747,0.06332093456932791,0.0,0.0,0.1722054592184299
suicidewatch,bluyoonhal,2019/04/03,i’m sorry. i’m so sorry to my friends. family. i’m 15. so much shit has already happened in my life. so so much. not even being dramatic either. i won’t tell what because i don’t want to seem like an attention whore. but. i think i’m going to attempt for the 5th time later. i really hope you all have a better life than i have. i love you. ,-2.2173846153846166,-0.5457823999999967,1.4493333333333318,94.9472307692308,106.33333333333334,4.441025641025641,15.102564102564099,6.297961479604792,-0.2838512820512817,260,7,60,4,13,94,51,75,0.094,0.664,0.241,0.926,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,5,7,1,0,3,0,6,5,1,0,1,9,17,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,10,5,6,15,4,4,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,2,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421793936723831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378068317842762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409439668384731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495115635116598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068872083044017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955413010311396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472408608016287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940676141529915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797314196239415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310021954244185,0.1072169938153115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980710763523466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322656471566224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059159484625766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978799849036824,0.0,0.0,0.225272374844438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4913346529989627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181757563420992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062100582430231,0.0,0.0,0.1279687991478803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944310125335826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatAScamm,2019/04/03,"Spread the word. Lets stop suicide. Everyone, please say something in your daily life or while playing a game like ""Love you all <3"" or something that will just make someone happy. Spread the word. Make it a trend. Suicide happens every 28 seconds in several country's. So this is a big deal. Make someone happy at least.",2.614279661016948,5.600276762711868,2.686250000000001,88.9392055084746,86.45762711864407,4.305932203389832,27.71398305084745,5.985473137389443,1.268777966101695,255,12,43,2,8,77,46,59,0.149,0.61,0.241,0.7184,0,0,2,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,3,1,10,8,4,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,3,6,2,6,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328772374312386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579633170036112,0.17914895208930265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579144097117124,0.3991603096612304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171504495699554,0.13242546096929395,0.0915951895364899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692115879637624,0.0,0.37544098454435787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580108065082506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149094764937786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21180350235412665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177090909114666,0.2886686141986523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567449801644822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101540306682391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SoloAndDuo,2019/04/03,"I'm not interesting, and I just fucked up a chance for some honest-to-god socialization. I just can't be normal. It's official. I get anxious, and nervous too easily.

I have been trying over the last year to step outside of my comfort zone. Be less introverted. Let more people into my life. So to that end, I organized a little eat-out date with some friends and acquaintences. I made a big mistake,

I was completely outgunned at that table. I brought everyone together and they had little to no interest in what I had to say. These people have *lives*, you see. Interesting, fruitful lives, with lots of experiences that they had no problem with sharing. They hardly asked about me. So caught up in what they had to say to each other. I felt marginalized. Worthless. Exposed for being a completely shallow, boring, shit person.

I'd kill myself right now if it were easy. I just want people to ask about what I'm doing, and while I want to know about my friends lives', of course, I feel like I need to talk and discuss my situation.  
I don't know if I'll ever speak to them again. Maybe I'll wait. See if they want to talk to me first. See if they'll show some mild amount of interest in what I am. I have alot to offer, I swear I do. I love video games, crazy anime, tv shows, music, all sorts of things. I want to share my thoughts, but no one asks for my opinions.   


What's sad is that this post will be buried in a matter of hours. One, maybe two replies. But itll be forgotten. Just like me. So, I guess i'll just disappear.  
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suicidewatch,klaus_mikhail,2019/04/03,"Been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about what others would say after I end it Every day, to drown out the silence, I stick on those shitty YouTube documentaries about unsolved  mysteries or cold-case murders and the like; and they spend a lot of time talking to the families and friends of the dead. 

Now everywhere I go, and everything I do, is lined by an undercurrent of thinking, “what if this is the last time any one sees me?” “Would they look at my internet usage?” “Would they try to justify my death? Would they talk about how I was a ‘troubled young woman’, who ‘struggled a lot with her mental health’?” 

I’m feeling that tired, pervasive, gnawing suicidal ideation. The kind that just eats at you slowly and you’re never sure when the breaking point will be.
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suicidewatch,Jukalak,2019/04/03,"At least I tried to get help though I’ve been ungodly depressed for weeks and two days ago I convinced myself to just leave for work like usual but crash my car on the way there. My mind was made up. I was going to do it. Then I called in and quit my job. I told myself that if I could just get put on meds I could try that out for a while and hope things got better. I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it if I could just get put on meds.
After a day of trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to afford all of this and weighing my options I found a place willing to help me. I walked in this morning and poured out my soul. Many tears were had and I was given a few appointments to start my process. A process that won’t have me on meds for at least another month. At least. An entire giving month before things even have a chance at STARTING to get better. Crying in bed for another month. Wanting to die for another month. Being completely incapable of feeling anything other than absolute fucking despair for a whole nother fucking month. I can’t do this. I can’t make it that long. I can’t feel like this any more. My last ditch effort failed and now I’m back to plan A. ",2.165891652207442,3.798583445344132,3.1380335454019668,93.51367071524969,76.89473684210526,6.000308463466357,21.883362251783304,6.655083550727371,0.3038576826682093,929,25,206,8,21,296,134,247,0.138,0.731,0.131,-0.7126,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,7,9,13,3,0,11,0,22,3,0,3,1,32,43,14,1,8,6,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,15,10,1,0,4,0,0,5,5,6,0,1,12,2,29,7,37,24,7,41,2,3,0,2,5,16,3,4,21,143,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881983035178306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766153785043293,0.3129946070891434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187775412709983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650723906541948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466482635643209,0.0,0.0,0.17599445358432972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159781061964857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432096735757428,0.0,0.0,0.2383213595951988,0.0,0.10929305054301708,0.12833498240332353,0.0,0.08569683049356015,0.0,0.1032624307205144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657169913049922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061759228467647,0.07108085101988512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909359250616492,0.0,0.18396719766830288,0.20793281364624594,0.09544682276654766,0.05654657670060891,0.0,0.07957703530189653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333818107310245,0.0,0.0,0.09882321352691477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987356620292245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110353360968946,0.0,0.10535321516632716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721865527223922,0.0,0.0,0.08805192997627967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414669804968147,0.06641518300286414,0.10087458874264717,0.0,0.0,0.33155702422817235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004638530005112,0.0,0.3970887546527156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395344310883936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004442315898524,0.0,0.10582756639025212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084932287652402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220309564994429,0.0,0.0977555370903757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507388053722156,0.0,0.20265629258966447,0.0,0.09719434990826796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095821574410157,0.0,0.05868605241719922,0.07897628110036392,0.07981068758452364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108511971488398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072435178664744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_Shitnozzle,2019/04/03,"I feel so lost My home life is for the most part okay. I have a Mom who cares about me, but sometimes just pushes me too hard. My Dad is an asshole who cares more about business than he does family for the most part. Forced me into Cross Country in High School and criticized me if I ever fell behind him. I'd yelled at him before and just wanted the freedom to be myself and get involved in what I wanted. Things are okay-ish between us now, but we don't talk all that much.

​

My first relationship I'd ever had involved me getting cheated on within two weeks. We had sex and then she just lost interest in me and played with other friends' hearts. I view it as one of my biggest failures and still can't get over the happiness I had for that first week. Before that I never knew what I was missing in life.

​

After it all went down I moved to Georgia with the rest of my family in response to my Dad getting a new position. I've been here for over 6 months and I have no friends and feel so fucking alone. I go to work and come home and feel drained and empty. I still talk to my friends and visit them every couple of months, but it isn't the same. I have no motivation to do anything I want and I just hate myself more every day.

​

I don't know what I'm trying to say with this wall of text, but I'm just struggling to hang in there. I feel like such an idiot for even thinking about killing myself because I know there are people out there who have it so much worse. I wallow in my self pity and berate myself for my own idiotic mistakes.

I just want to be fucking happy.",3.7604717853839063,4.649362626139818,4.4786652570371395,88.43037267080747,71.67477203647417,6.815964054446941,25.85449980177085,6.7026698264267655,0.9002431875247785,1260,38,266,9,23,404,169,329,0.193,0.6709999999999999,0.136,-0.9731,0,1,0,0,0,1,36.0,3,0,1,6,25,24,7,1,10,1,20,6,1,1,5,55,49,24,1,6,11,3,5,1,3,0,2,2,2,1,16,22,0,0,9,1,0,9,7,13,0,4,9,8,46,11,45,38,13,43,0,4,1,3,25,18,2,3,17,198,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673396104652442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27221112572461,0.3052759024372802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891452052202299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051049819921417584,0.0,0.14252066328973012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707660308350694,0.0,0.0,0.07213840086410245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266160566582116,0.0,0.05400822160313794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328530453002366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531239827246965,0.1515032410675567,0.14111656805376796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578935684443804,0.0,0.1693747759034799,0.0598270289476764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246591832929284,0.0,0.0,0.1941021888149318,0.15484072999133672,0.17501200791343402,0.0,0.047593882636730436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829498035098995,0.07501854944237374,0.08268027510844121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923753853627124,0.0,0.08848057549801965,0.16800495870046675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265079074232699,0.0,0.09204748404728284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830231809134363,0.04091329253781231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828338496851346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808045021592296,0.133687990948554,0.08900706315402286,0.12312356596330938,0.0,0.06458885783640506,0.0808808807428834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056747384955152275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137408770659247,0.0,0.05805783503129375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991016445177417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659692244346396,0.0,0.08475382191079453,0.0,0.0,0.08736369194642278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828253707350636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375680077380156,0.0,0.0,0.08754784854962891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462118200244022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563607017176109,0.053660041599016314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056856962689800526,0.0,0.08180612784005377,0.0,0.1007342236682828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757850990311948,0.0,0.1343494414583606,0.0,0.0,0.07763191447964803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060966933690670314,0.0,0.0853427164214388,0.0,0.0,0.3052759024372802,0.0
suicidewatch,usernammmmmeeeee,2019/04/03,"Feeling like nobody cares It sounds super stereotypical. I know people go through more but I just feel like I’ve been going blow to blow through blow. I recently had a friend die too Like within a week......,I had to move back to my parents AND my car broke down. Today I asked my mom if I could use her car to go to the store. And she totally freaked out and said I’m a stupid bitch who can’t even keep my own car in check and she’d call my dad stepdad etc and put us all on speaker to show everybody what an idiot I am for even asking. I told her she’s always just so mean to me and everybody knows and she yelled about how I threw her dead mom (my gramma) in her face. I was so stressed by her reaction but she freaked the fuck out before I could even act normal. I don’t even really care that I can’t use the car! I’m going stir crazy but just a no would be fine but stopping me and calling me names? And even more? She’s always been like this though. One time our food got mixed up and I was kinda annoyed and was like that was mine so she spit In my face threw the rest at me and said I was the dumbest bitch she’s ever met and did t talk to me for a while. She insane like 60/40. But extreme to me more than anybody ever. Like I said everybody notices but nobody has ever said anything to HER. 

I don’t know what it is. Lots of stuff. I can’t be to specific here tho. But the last couple weeks I feel like I can’t deal with ANYTHING. I called the hotline and they sucked so bad. My parents don’t care (which idk I’m a grown up I guess) these really bad feeling are hitting me so hard. I don’t think I’ll do anything tbh. But I still have the feelings that I didn’t before. Idk how to word it but I’m so miserable. ",0.18430329277514448,2.118599386058982,1.9646648793565689,98.01161820306594,84.63002680965147,5.005265690520382,18.411287550697736,6.163053881298487,-0.37188741321234575,1333,33,321,11,39,437,180,373,0.227,0.66,0.113,-0.9955,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,1,1,26,28,7,2,15,0,31,5,3,4,5,60,70,35,2,5,13,5,6,8,1,1,0,7,0,0,13,17,1,2,10,1,2,14,10,14,0,1,20,13,58,14,32,43,9,37,0,2,0,1,39,11,4,4,20,209,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339391511362295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986957288002076,0.0,0.15048433991212848,0.0,0.0,0.06188763474955405,0.1344024396655202,0.0,0.0,0.13697281234265798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465511083051929,0.0,0.2461780238335235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852069456271242,0.08905460044367106,0.0,0.0,0.08297601528429797,0.0,0.0,0.0835302341823866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976152490436072,0.26579636152111863,0.21840859278627428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034769806347692,0.17249449069170894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732221188150153,0.0,0.062182147416754326,0.07440665010444078,0.0,0.0,0.1829648502773737,0.0,0.06437083020346658,0.0,0.08866278254515121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209832916718616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153834737204982,0.0,0.0,0.1326965767769914,0.06560563322174988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31456540331753297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068425068359838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767124687541193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885250151355012,0.0,0.08554231700271345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788577498880814,0.0,0.09163216965816412,0.0,0.0,0.054538399772931366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873708939568111,0.0,0.0,0.055797838427092336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090918157144866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312090033985008,0.0,0.0794687626128319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062368712149259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427504878608155,0.06728867006137396,0.09219475598411436,0.0,0.092135529893633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469041567074918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051571236328724776,0.07907564105172543,0.0,0.04693117607055199,0.0,0.07628992263624505,0.07690641650104674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681297852894076,0.13902558321161576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911966874450395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717390015258396,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DoIt199X,2019/04/03,"M25 Really don't see why I should keep going. I have been planning on killing myself for 6 years.

Up until September 2018 the main reason I didn't kill myself was because my autistic partner needed someone to look after them and make sure they were ok. That partner cheated on me last September and we broke up. At this point I exist but I don't know why. Life has been a low level form of suffering for as long as I can remember with more significant pain and occasional rest bite. I see no reason to keep going and yet for some stupid and painful reason I do, I wish I could just finish everything but I don't have the drive to even finish myself off and so I live in a constant state of wishing I could just get it over and done with. For some stupid reason I keep trying to organise things as if I will continue to be here even though I hope I won't be.

​

As time goes on the world around me just seems to fall apart around me. Politically my country (UK) has shit itself and refuses to go back on its massive mistake. This means that the suffering I feel now will just get worse as myself and everyone around me just get poorer and more desperate.  

​

I know that this place cannot suggest ways or means of doing the deed but can anyone help me know where I can find out how to at least get my affairs in order so that I am less of a burden when I am finally able to kill myself?",5.298574979287494,5.367826802816904,5.9245898922949465,82.34120546810273,67.94366197183098,8.935874067937034,28.325600662800326,8.671277953709913,1.901744656172328,1108,33,227,16,17,361,158,284,0.194,0.721,0.085,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,3,23.0,1,0,2,1,20,18,7,0,8,1,29,4,1,6,1,57,54,26,3,9,10,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,11,17,0,4,13,0,0,5,7,15,0,0,6,4,38,3,42,40,9,46,0,4,3,0,9,23,1,6,15,170,49,0,0.09154321934341077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198374079824465,0.2224700628138346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640091474507802,0.0,0.0,0.2444786205155737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039108504937848,0.0,0.0558038968383005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989256987857521,0.0,0.14617962341232102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368049651520496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120926866023318,0.0,0.0,0.08747346908110934,0.08227314280499927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046287002266009146,0.0,0.0,0.10028112219349544,0.08366884403462692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913102151995584,0.0,0.1560783635015339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061359490277641815,0.0,0.0,0.09092307228964057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441034585278391,0.303837026841458,0.0,0.15092927786738347,0.07461994187560707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465968307687843,0.0,0.0,0.08083433982975745,0.08101286842180254,0.07687324849952892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110580975647461,0.0,0.0,0.19943480535864708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678781372032186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481687931650055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564318023282883,0.0,0.08653793166292907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864493040948841,0.3764867039467119,0.0,0.0,0.10370062223198327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458961873522712,0.08333750876737064,0.0,0.0,0.09396779914460092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756427268069684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627840086166423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081724725244026,0.0,0.08994074821458961,0.0,0.05337958737021187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215183687943994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266274652867527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652070336410129,0.0,0.21054036889857305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329036126696014,0.0,0.0,0.2224700628138346,0.058950831894814724
suicidewatch,totalbrootal,2019/04/03,"My life is fine but suicide doesn't sound bad I've had depression before but I'm okay with where I'm at now. I have things to work towards in my life and I'm on a path of continual self-improvement. Whenever I read about suicides or think about it, though, it doesn't sound so bad. I don't think I'd actually do it unless things got really bad for me, but I don't really fear death. If I die now it doesn't matter, it's just perhaps unfortunate that I didn't finish some things I was working on. I don't think it's fair to say I'm on suicide watch, I just wonder if other people who don't have things so bad or aren't even depressed have similar thoughts.",2.91788732394366,3.647433464788733,4.656450704225354,86.96988732394367,73.50704225352112,8.215211267605634,24.76338028169014,8.548686976883017,1.3553667605633808,520,15,119,9,10,177,79,142,0.191,0.616,0.193,-0.4129,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,0,1,1,1,16,2,0,0,0,19,26,12,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,13,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,4,12,2,14,21,1,11,0,2,1,0,2,7,0,6,4,74,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.13471482501147802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46105688076328,0.0,0.0,0.1174685849550861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237800887250024,0.0,0.14327191276215145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117932804354777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534225356365786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104095069241768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501461166856646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570502366828856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380852456890334,0.0,0.1768740239035612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097812213502524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401405427837127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530059500809137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668515307006484,0.2653665374453129,0.13563134902311735,0.1095946029494608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970704577482558,0.20100101316914568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,x_yellowbird,2019/04/03,"I wish committing suicide was easier. I wish I knew someone who could get me heroin so I could purposefully OD. I can't figure out any other option that isn't painful. I can't go through with hanging myself, I chicken out. I don't have any Rx meds to take. I don't own a gun. It's not fair that I can't just end things. I've been suicidal my whole life. It never gets better. I'm fed up and tired. I just want to go.",-1.111666666666668,0.9194640652173902,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,93.13043478260867,4.8057971014492775,17.44927536231884,6.42735559955562,-0.2198724637681156,322,9,77,4,12,112,63,92,0.21,0.626,0.16399999999999998,-0.8034,0,0,0,1,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,2,17,22,2,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,2,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,4,0,14,1,7,16,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,48,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26407636543367563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172228534685213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100483201462314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197167899707602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288535934358412,0.0,0.2206957590266746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371437800371574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567244029078445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975125179081875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660419269872385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451453278259914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247678184511772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459871690222607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899393845987822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231629630111596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452296176183488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167771794731947,0.4465580508156405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,longhairgrey0,2019/04/03,"I relapsed I don’t know how long it’s been but I fucked it up. I’ve fucked everything up. I just want to stop being such a worthless piece of shit. I ruin everything with everyone. I just want the touch of a proper blade again. I want to stop feeling anything except the stinging. A needle isn’t good enough. I can’t do anything right, not even hurting myself. I don’t want to be like this anymore. ",0.6484146341463415,3.0348126219512217,2.2860487804878065,93.27785365853659,87.41463414634146,4.743414634146341,21.614634146341466,6.2581,0.35177170731707363,313,11,65,3,10,102,52,82,0.32299999999999995,0.499,0.17800000000000002,-0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,5,0,8,3,1,1,0,15,16,2,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,2,10,2,9,13,2,7,0,3,0,2,0,3,3,0,5,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326060834549072,0.0,0.0,0.3207260173854559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135481440579386,0.0,0.1287110834958081,0.0,0.0,0.18620849696701225,0.3502766821392648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853311194358023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603119508268787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344934399358954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861445032240591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709652604853416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095204590225548,0.0,0.0,0.17245554134617005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641957847151134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20003325380624465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.325843347930978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597620945641615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnny_rocket2017,2019/04/03,"If you are looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it I am not suicidal myself but over the years I have lost many friends to suicide.

I had my first experience with suicide when my friend decided to take his own life at the young age of 13. 

I almost 13 years later and it still feels like yesterday we were running about like normal kids enjoying life.

I hate the idea that anyone else is thinking of ending something that you only get one chance at. Time may seem hard but they can always get better.

Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better.

I am a shoulder hear to lean on and ear to listen to whatever needs to be said. No problem is to big or too small to overcome, moving mountains can be as simple as off loading some of your emotions.

Feel free to open up.",5.085519869352204,5.8753633113772485,5.593184540010888,82.0027000544366,68.58083832335329,7.988894937397933,30.750680457267283,8.00094639256281,2.083699401197604,671,26,129,8,11,216,118,167,0.179,0.632,0.189,-0.1989,0,0,1,0,0,3,12.0,1,3,1,4,5,12,2,0,7,0,15,5,2,0,1,25,31,9,5,4,6,0,3,2,2,1,3,4,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,4,4,0,2,4,8,15,9,26,24,2,24,0,1,1,0,12,9,0,6,15,87,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088885152117396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045303952181237,0.0,0.0,0.08209727750066881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441386854463702,0.12369723654096225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354326185181208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008504155163884,0.13579960357347706,0.21385339244113172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920285725243524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809241333338588,0.0,0.0,0.1220845794771037,0.08624610874294321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102688795520312,0.0,0.0,0.18654398386184148,0.0,0.25229574209716965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081460685370724,0.11919114359055988,0.0,0.0,0.13606607718682218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628405882909225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356454956957647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558153422486949,0.11796047169028118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137876462779467,0.0,0.1317858195467643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239640670121064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831178453447192,0.0,0.08951620790346099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828506600063007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180652156402643,0.09181695653921827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360995264525956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155177144373718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483731331065646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990369017702976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294015893565928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641130261319387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282151078908027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077032779571273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735583505153085,0.0,0.0,0.07039583638730544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302929512576853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548614447622144
suicidewatch,Solerteska,2019/04/03,"I will be with my great nature mother Im not going to introduce myself here. Im just another post you saw. Although I will end my stupid fucking life April 7th 2019. When I kill myself I will go up and help Solerteska, my great nature mother and the other gods to create an actual afterlife, Derethark. (no i am not in a cult.) Terenis (the god of time) came down upon my mind in 23.2.3019 when during the art class out of the blue i decided to randomly make lines and curves along the canvas. After that Amar (the god of mind) planted the words on to my very mind. (no i never heard the 13 gods, but they do plant their wisdom from time to time) Told me how I was ""chosen"" and that I must take my own life in order to help them create Derethark with other chosen ones. Told me how religions are fake and made only to control humans. But Amar also told me, that Eyer (the god of lies and trickery) will send down ""The Lady"" cause Eyer does not want mortals to ascend to Derethark. Then Solerteska told me that i should be very careful when outside of my house, as she could attack me anywhere. The Lady is physically there, although only I can see her. Though i never saw her. She is always in hiding and will strike once I let my guard down. The Lady wears a pink dress, but has no skin on her body expect for her face. She also carries a pink umbrella.
I simply do not want to stay here on this world anymore cause It's getting too hard with school and my family fights from time to time which is probably my fault. Nevermind if i dont reply within 3 days I'm up there creating an afterlife for people that actually deserve it. To those who suffered the most.

-15 year old dumbass",4.058093812375248,5.20527232934132,4.958458083832337,84.30000249500999,71.21556886227546,7.7223552894211585,24.695109780439118,8.07648339933343,1.3471361277445109,1314,36,260,18,24,428,185,334,0.123,0.7929999999999999,0.085,-0.939,0,0,0,0,1,1,43.0,0,1,3,1,14,12,5,0,18,0,22,7,4,7,3,46,42,24,2,7,9,2,2,0,0,7,2,1,0,1,13,14,0,2,1,1,0,4,10,8,0,1,10,9,43,4,42,21,2,40,0,1,6,1,24,16,1,3,17,179,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.19822999581849726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244660783035358,0.08451209960488003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650213157878427,0.0,0.0,0.1007274334410986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554742494250192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281833303332912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616589160120773,0.10355459422809332,0.2086751151826728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391632244019148,0.08109319529078565,0.0,0.0,0.0655024824989412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888219672703579,0.0,0.11903607637305808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995844868836453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574857676041766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389729846049516,0.05306470313766179,0.0,0.11544603291614272,0.0,0.0,0.22395653311633854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098431824053133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361567915383882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719498538197325,0.0,0.0,0.2194201471913942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123691286061478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385940830792098,0.14347992380315994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610540050493137,0.06779693706018575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30766194764858273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566698700484488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657775757671062,0.10816582081658756,0.06882460632011578,0.1544929613558269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041395199064986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727336263558534,0.0,0.10950668855457027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279149306607872,0.08093595904107087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825718892254324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636594194019546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978932069064757,0.0,0.2961234406073379,0.0,0.0,0.3882074913244857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760725872193188,0.11981400704317975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540598767198018
suicidewatch,algaealgaearcher,2019/04/03,"like many other of the nice people here, i want to die nobody's there for me. all the people that are meant to support me like my friends just say 'it'll be ok'. I get where they're coming from but nobody without it seems to understand you can't just 'get better' you have to work, and that's hard.

I overdosed on Ibuprofen recently",3.4480882352941187,4.591912338235296,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,72.67647058823529,6.616470588235294,23.894117647058824,6.742157984588678,0.6583317647058831,261,7,55,2,5,83,52,68,0.104,0.743,0.152,0.0749,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,2,5,7,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,0,1,11,13,2,1,1,4,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,8,7,9,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22383256043720795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180097769405092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626616213682831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553235807987568,0.0,0.2644522774977727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267138865628907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472884808431839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565878301442957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350913674636769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498902851204868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012628507551075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039850717362675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28719714627115045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634697568536331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492757198532931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396430336545544,0.0,0.1842484371075644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Millard_Null,2019/04/03,"Untitled Not Finished Post suicide on social media

Won't find my death on Wikipedia

In public view so just stay tuned

If this is the world we all doomed


I'm not going to be really famous

The problems do you blame us

All the sandals of what I did

How can I explain I'm just a kid


And I can't say what I think of you

But there is no telling what you do

I just keep my thoughts until my grave

And then hell I'm the one God can't save


I gave up on ever deciding my mind

Hide behind these eyes that are kind

You never know or understand

That behind my eye I'm an angry man


Broken and dead I'm out of order

I react when you cry on my shoulder

In a way I think I should I'm apathetic

So was my dad I must be genetic


What does the razor say

“I could end it today”


What would this bullet do

“I will put an end to you”


I took a mouthful of pills

I started to get the chills


Sitting in a circle of suicide

How will it end, What will I decide

Guns, razors, pills and a rope

They talk to me I'm out of hope




",-1.365620328849026,0.6269371390134566,1.384336322869956,98.37716218236172,94.65022421524662,4.049566517189836,15.505082212257099,5.6839178017228535,-0.8067206576980568,774,18,187,6,30,266,128,223,0.16899999999999998,0.75,0.081,-0.9616,0,0,0,1,0,2,3.0,2,6,1,0,10,7,1,0,13,0,21,6,4,3,5,40,41,14,5,7,8,1,0,0,0,7,2,2,0,2,13,7,0,1,9,0,0,3,7,4,0,1,5,5,32,3,23,26,2,30,2,2,3,0,20,11,1,3,11,127,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264269262673095,0.0,0.17393637480922278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857023257982642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4207444330685181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323362293410438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472598203102516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272959632340612,0.0,0.08999205814375526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727396593348664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407457903844126,0.0,0.1648936833174117,0.08702318530718757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598849908887646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221267088927672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729979744180312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151652332869658,0.0,0.0,0.15151637208249952,0.0,0.15918213277147442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144092753500636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518472452634969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141448268912864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207858365081376,0.16877647492787518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34641109901014666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272730503057873,0.13840196358202447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292429682331706,0.0,0.12570956357147944,0.0,0.0,0.150094122302847,0.0,0.1759289698227241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484446142166884,0.1904715398534443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568821130218796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248492678318273,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piperpo,2019/04/03,"i want to go with him things have been really shitty over the past month or so. my self care has been absolute garbage. hygiene game weak af, sleeping 3 hours a night if that, and every day i either purge or dont eat anything. im constantly lethargic and mentally tired, and my stack of school, career, and home obligations are quickly getting bigger and more overwhelming. i barely leave the house or get dressed anymore. my family and my boyfriend are the only people that i have in my life. 

about a week ago, we adopted a kitten. he was a beautiful little bengal and we named him bean. he was the sweetest, cuddliest, funniest little kitten in the entire world. on our fifth day with him, he started breathing heavily and acting particularly weird. by the end of that night, we were told the most humane thing to do would be to put him down. i looked the most sweet and wholesome creature in the eyes as he let out one of his trademark squeaky meows and died. 

i wish it was me instead. i wish i could go with him, and stroke him in kitten heaven. im falling apart. ive wanted to passively die for a while now, but now its active. my boyfriend had to hide all my medication, but i am desperate to take any opportunity i can get to end it. 

i just want to go see bean again.",3.6917469879518094,5.4129532248995975,4.5723273092369485,84.4560813253012,72.97590361445782,7.5502811244979915,26.506224899598394,8.238735603445708,1.6991299598393574,999,35,196,16,20,323,156,249,0.08199999999999999,0.815,0.103,0.7553,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,4,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,14,0,21,9,3,0,1,37,38,20,2,8,8,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,8,18,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,3,0,1,8,5,31,4,26,26,5,37,1,1,3,0,20,13,0,6,18,130,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746957444345667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244553907440873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023484993516807,0.0,0.0,0.09976798919546648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236095338852528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101447903995414,0.0,0.0967981396274972,0.0,0.0,0.1563760910923349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516504069329876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208924312516213,0.0,0.0,0.12405605141359627,0.0,0.0,0.21476057135459284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214767606480292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142917610923412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900244968221665,0.0,0.2067058988165286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161092304963862,0.0,0.11939434469500004,0.13989159655095929,0.0,0.0,0.2619142329853653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283728229294812,0.0,0.12397337989913575,0.08563350875643108,0.0,0.24302330164930944,0.0,0.0,0.10180881942605274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213385111563807,0.1221787092688244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677047692914444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275460351892189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215354973364929,0.09220644957423517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573474594143544,0.08405069663458288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218769985883948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766773548472615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226986464480798,0.0966104521600122,0.0,0.1264769718799882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132488213124125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581240333681073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911553809688434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610893845223995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934447148787615,0.0,0.11584746048950488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145267480491078,0.0,0.09724926998187006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788338832750213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612351791046224,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ishitpepsi,2019/04/03,"Every morning I wake up, I just want to go back to sleep, forever. I think I'm going to end it tonight. Cloth around neck, tied with a knot. Slip under a pen, and tighten, until my arteries are closed off and I go unconscious in a matter of seconds. Death will follow shortly. This is the best method I could find for my circumstances, I just hope it doesn't leave me alive and brain damaged.

​

I've tried everything I could think of to end this suffering. I don't have a reason to try anymore. I'm so tired.

​

I love you, redditors.",1.7356116207951082,4.191566834862389,2.8919495412844043,90.50715978593271,82.4862385321101,6.2021406727828765,23.762232415902144,7.492282038375204,1.1802470948012238,431,16,87,7,12,138,77,109,0.147,0.718,0.136,-0.5004,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,8,6,4,1,0,17,19,5,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,0,0,13,3,15,16,1,16,0,2,0,1,2,7,0,1,5,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331634273212735,0.3736319214134307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247287661477404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368648820615732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821975516491814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613449918053051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162930875092616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455043742795256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723433523269148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295360705944464,0.0,0.1381753213810027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140519360509455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262129016859861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527026233134955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279284751277354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387600907581044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807458406204916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385517421507558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970260765985376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767062745915851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876436082163216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068227834524864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736319214134307,0.0
suicidewatch,-Zamasu-,2019/04/03,"Not suicidal but still suicidal It's hard to explain how I feel. I'd say it's nearly impossible. It just sits there, somewhere in the corner of my mind and waits for the perfect moment to show up again. 
I have set the date. It feels strange, yet liberating to know that I'll be dead within a year. The current people in my life now have already moved on by then, just my family left to mourn. 
But at the same time I feel nothing. No joy, no sadness, no fear. My mind is white like a sheet of paper. 
I still have months left and I should pretend I'm fine. I haven't left my room in days although I should because of important exams. In about 7 hours I have to walk out. But I don't know if I'll be able to do that, I just don't want to. I prefer being alone and do nothing other than stare at my phone or play video games.
What's the point of trying, when I'm not even really trying? Try and fail and even If I did succeed, what's the point anyway? We all die eventually. And people move on, no one remembers what we did today or who we were.
Sorry for rambling. I hope others posting here get better. That's all I really want.",1.0716675839295533,2.986548248945148,2.9670922766464902,92.1431755641167,81.27848101265823,5.809502843514952,19.587048248027887,6.8959733430537185,0.1778025683360851,873,22,195,10,23,292,135,237,0.16399999999999998,0.669,0.16699999999999998,0.16399999999999998,1,1,0,0,0,1,30.0,3,0,0,4,16,12,0,1,9,0,18,1,0,1,3,43,31,17,5,8,12,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,13,10,0,1,8,5,0,3,9,4,0,1,3,7,23,8,28,23,3,41,0,3,2,0,8,19,0,5,17,131,36,4,0.12228752187765038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665299267828176,0.13494732126385295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454533830487374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815337551072464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886533501681174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269151409991977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153950975820272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152817923155098,0.13760746006716962,0.18549673617075627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389018294973793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954559988519068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214591017396083,0.12042857610405412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344120478579472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985972509855813,0.0,0.08637529317385598,0.05974350620809778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469510736851079,0.0,0.09760873327172864,0.2599445657028147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346763507086179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286518965023727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695575404700139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312024699891391,0.0,0.11711764256555103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566810357315624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852792375967934,0.0,0.0,0.09724794565883756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689086891515273,0.0,0.0,0.19531794587344656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675254017323944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130683741705869,0.0,0.1159142720353892,0.0,0.0,0.2490756005735036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425669752775785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874915473531183
suicidewatch,KingandCommand,2019/04/03,"Can't take this anymore I hate my job, I have no close relationships, no successes, I am a total failure and can't stand it anymore.

Nothing I've tried in the last 5 years has done me any good and I don't want another 5 like that",1.7759999999999998,2.9996772000000007,3.916999999999998,89.24350000000004,77.0,7.4,26.5,8.07648339933343,1.4449999999999998,180,7,42,3,4,62,39,50,0.282,0.594,0.124,-0.7377,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,24,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819308291762402,0.2805304668130844,0.0,0.0,0.5306394060894876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27377796328770365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243930192629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641323104011362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26548407607804464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180741612960466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070254628394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567040213826772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872290813503675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115065326421586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163656202100595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779721414169776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228173729479154
suicidewatch,-vitamin_sea-,2019/04/03,"Cyclic depression: it seems to get worse every time Recently I had this huge burst of motivation; I had ideas for a few webcomics I wanted to write, I invested in an art software and got a cork board to plan on, I’ve been following along with some online tutorials to learn how to code (another interest of mine), I went to the gym most days, I purchased some video games I wanted. Overall I felt invincible, and this came right after what felt like the absolute worst time in my life.

When I finally got to that place of contentment I thought “Never again will I feel that way! I’ve found my niche and am happy with what life has given me.”

Yeah, right.

I think maybe what triggered my depression this go around was a the wombo combo of my period (which always makes me a little sad, but not typically depressed), exhaustion, and the group chat my close friends started up for our graduating class (we’re all a little over one year out of undergrad at this point). 

I don’t know... I guess I just feel worthless? I graduated top of my class and had the greatest prospects out of anyone. I even had a full ride, so no student debt, yay me. Yet I’m the only one who isn’t in some form of graduate school, whether it be med, dental, pharmacy, or what have you. 

It’s not that I want to be in those things; I voided me MCAT scores just so I could leave that kind of life behind. But it feels hopeless to pursue my passions now at 23 (which means I would probably go back to school in my mid-twenties if I decided in favor of it), especially in something like the arts or game development. I just wish I hadn’t been so passive in my future planning at 17-18 and went to school for something else right from the get go. 

But back to the present; I work a 40hr/wk job as a medical technologist. I make decent money, but have very little free time. And with what free time I do have I’m almost too exhausted to do anything productive, so I’m just living in this limbo of go to work- come home- sleep- go to work- come home- sleep- etc. And seeing everyone else move on to bigger things while I just stagnate in my hometown? 

I don’t know. I know my indolence is my fault, but I just don’t have the energy to change anything about my life, and I don’t derive any joy or fulfillment from it anymore. I barely get to see my friends, and I have no significant other to speak of, so I’m extremely lonely. Sometimes I want a hug or to cuddle or any kind of physical comfort so badly it hurts. 

Anyway, I’ll stop whining and get to the meat of things since this has already gone on longer than I expected. Just wanted to give those reading some background.

Suicidal ideation isn’t anything new to me. I fantasize about dying every time I have an episode, but each time blurring the lines between “just fantasizing” and “planning to kill myself” gets a little easier. What’s different about this episode I suppose is that now I have nothing left to work toward, so what’s stopping me from acting out on my fantasies? In high school it was “I’ll get better in college. I’ll stop being so introverted and make a lot of friends and experience life.” In college it was “I’ll get this degree and then go on to become a doctor and be well respected.” 

Only one of those got halfway done, by the by. 

But now I have nothing. No spouse, no career, no kids; I work second so I hardly ever see my friends or family. At this point death seems like a relief. I don’t want to keep going. I’m too tired and too sad. The only thing holding me back honestly is my fear of failure. If I hate my life now, then God, how could I ever handle being crippled from a failed suicide attempt? Then add on top of that being smothered by medical professionals and getting looked at funnily by the people I know. 

I don’t know. I think that’s my consensus right now; I just don’t know. I almost posted here while I was hysterical and at my wits end, but for some reason didn’t until now, after I’ve calmed down, which is why my post is longer and less urgent sounding than other posts on here I guess. I hope I’m not breaking any guidelines this way, and I’m sorry if I am. I just had to put this somewhere. If you made it to the end. thanks for reading.",3.7804792626728094,5.030789723809527,4.8793471582181285,84.21124423963136,72.0,7.943164362519202,26.762672811059907,8.410961704410305,1.728540322580646,3288,111,667,53,62,1081,365,840,0.14,0.706,0.154,0.8897,3,2,2,0,0,4,105.0,1,2,0,14,47,47,3,1,32,2,52,17,2,9,4,131,126,59,5,16,32,1,6,3,4,2,12,2,2,1,48,35,0,5,23,10,6,18,20,20,1,4,27,12,89,29,109,89,16,120,0,11,4,3,17,53,0,25,46,447,137,28,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046211639924779,0.0,0.05764788341226134,0.0,0.043467672118274826,0.0,0.0,0.1065745015936689,0.05477795199749883,0.0,0.0,0.0518078129711997,0.0365272606742446,0.0,0.1289666347370613,0.04650446931676916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050747190713736,0.0436180245261894,0.0,0.057694719886336676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620182989697354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059748378173730514,0.0,0.0,0.05526274818153925,0.08999986963834236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341840849779471,0.0,0.0,0.03369032890566833,0.0,0.13498210782907685,0.0,0.05421663196461115,0.054579439270999286,0.0,0.05346961650764192,0.0,0.05345942029511978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727924641257398,0.0,0.09253785836906804,0.0,0.0582611506834274,0.03450387431850843,0.09450772253430732,0.08802851585645144,0.04991733735655637,0.0,0.0511005174842597,0.04924700439193652,0.05878426292804435,0.0792419895406336,0.0,0.10031673983549053,0.05722611278152456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727820963862878,0.1614412618023881,0.0,0.2183449828202617,0.05011314595267746,0.2078234495848025,0.0,0.1253427448596951,0.0,0.11509598882993265,0.0,0.0,0.05561020481653409,0.046796571516675683,0.051575956025418986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519418343739548,0.10480149407609986,0.05188587717686287,0.0,0.0,0.0559237524807523,0.05897233983491691,0.0,0.0,0.05183990937138798,0.046433106393047534,0.05779556372761381,0.10879935975501563,0.1722576630246999,0.0,0.0,0.05531437186890187,0.05675866117746505,0.0,0.2213909598479795,0.07656513626802906,0.20943188711558766,0.046128672541099966,0.0,0.04386824850272317,0.0,0.0,0.04441238295008814,0.0,0.04943053192944951,0.10461135309145604,0.0,0.05248186882233547,0.056904422359743065,0.05802660603807685,0.1052521414458982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055522606439838716,0.0,0.0,0.04029052984080317,0.05045349381120074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002509333165188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619705705498966,0.11919209356162913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621647778236923,0.0,0.054579439270999286,0.0,0.09876693297602253,0.0,0.1500937730569002,0.0,0.056323305835526076,0.0,0.0,0.05251539592525297,0.0,0.0,0.10450781037164973,0.0,0.0,0.053711182397888184,0.05158046900545461,0.0,0.0,0.1784499069936643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21147773812431592,0.124884995638148,0.09511424625765072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043213276220414314,0.0,0.10455499059710968,0.0,0.0,0.0804334517793932,0.051666466678030425,0.05847814374910225,0.036975576923660984,0.0,0.0,0.13102435647935448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428365546236648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809536007405511,0.0,0.0,0.13882312340360933,0.06694626843471799,0.0,0.04147254084115419,0.18276857419992812,0.06004192895243925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310327989027445,0.18487421319593664,0.08293099313033055,0.0,0.0,0.046969825501947005,0.0968535772799487,0.047138265571059566,0.0,0.060073155505807774,0.0,0.0,0.19015586770305865,0.0,0.05323678692975888,0.03710963261261509,0.0,0.0,0.033640698077431176
suicidewatch,licypher,2019/04/03,"Cutting wrists that bad? Not sure if this is the right sub to ask this but: 

Is cutting your wrists THAT bad?

From the point of view of someone who's not depressed/suicidal, I understand that it's a red flag and a sign that something is terribly wrong. 

But from a different point of view, it can be seen as just a coping mechanism, not necessarily something that will lead to suicide. 

Does anyone know how many cutters actually end up committing suicide? Just curious. 

I hope I'm not breaking any rules. ",3.6793567251462003,6.153457894736838,4.4256140350877216,82.13374269005851,75.3157894736842,8.011695906432749,30.555555555555557,8.841846274778883,2.769888888888889,400,19,74,9,9,128,64,95,0.292,0.636,0.07200000000000001,-0.9805,1,0,2,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,2,0,6,0,6,2,2,2,2,18,12,6,2,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,4,3,2,9,9,0,7,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,2,1,45,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.17290693367471166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049182918598735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389182369081528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564399251916767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958840331626959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851205412749185,0.0,0.0,0.15505572737251905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693325782119175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759846161081481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737620443341817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963771002151402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349940625406892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131496317276644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501282172685161,0.27281123311068983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5814346695563504,0.0,0.1669947008136335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844557622023444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372390737470527,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,khellomello,2019/04/03,"I just want to end it. I hate evrything about me and my life, i believe i was not made to be able to enjoy life, but to despise it. Nothing brings me joy. I tried different activities in the hopes of finding something that i enjoy doing, i trully did, but i simply can not feel anything except the numbness.",3.1239344262295106,4.811458114754103,4.6434098360655724,83.50118032786884,74.40983606557377,6.191475409836067,28.593442622950818,6.742157984588678,1.5132006557377051,239,10,45,2,5,80,44,61,0.17800000000000002,0.657,0.16399999999999998,-0.2401,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,12,11,3,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,1,11,4,8,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,35,14,0,0.2764159305779169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274667587019671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114260976066978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28879581532208537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244822469897146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976419986962152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526391528514087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729035048788289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745433885568635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904814927148401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261551436970422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26522854036838456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279848781940594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766827244418813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630372775446679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LateralPentose,2019/04/03,"How did you get better? I’ve dealt with depression for around 7 years now. I overdosed twice on pills and drowned myself in alcohol since coming to college. I’ve been clean for about a month now and I thought that things would get better. Back when I was drinking I got straight A’s and was motivated and now that I’ve stopped my depression is the worst that it’s been in 4 years. The main stressor is that I was sexually assaulted by one of my fraternity brothers back in September and I’ve just now been trying to work through it, without the help of any substance. I feel hopeless right now and it’s hard for me to find a reason to keep going through the motions every day. I don’t want to be talked out of anything because honestly whatever I do is going to up to me. I was just hoping to hear from any of you how you managed to heal and what that looks like. Did you get back to “normal”? Are you at a new place in your life? Did it get easier or did you just learn how to cope?",2.167214012041597,3.9944355763546815,3.3984811165845663,90.78411466885605,77.47290640394088,6.678598795840178,25.07088122605364,7.594959193182576,1.1258168582375483,774,28,169,11,18,251,112,203,0.14300000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.118,-0.8083,0,0,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,7,0,4,17,10,1,0,8,0,19,5,0,5,0,31,34,12,1,4,5,1,2,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,11,11,2,2,6,1,0,4,2,5,0,2,13,4,21,5,34,19,2,31,0,3,1,0,11,12,0,2,16,120,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582445594220981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138886805805745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185111916346332,0.13181599203323646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415760289329597,0.0,0.09026367220432337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619163332511937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755141896611424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954945662615126,0.0,0.25506939743833906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505475946675284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475753745078727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486994702119558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533565825232471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30944725247681115,0.0,0.16830612244532198,0.0,0.1184271712704094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264394990097378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688856256854046,0.0,0.099249931113128,0.0,0.0,0.14706948542936302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161371524730686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458804436182337,0.07234078459272515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243436766423191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181901230132658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430094233086546,0.0,0.0,0.14507969250165112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033781435329653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470433353661114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224327672314167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645317678169152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248717075341772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379530959486147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901513328285793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983728445751807,0.0,0.0,0.11755309099171653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053156408123694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733704585034019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273668597823908,0.0,0.1077986039211981,0.0,0.0,0.10518651451543204,0.0,0.0,0.19070777733477653
suicidewatch,jongmulongadong,2019/04/03,"I tried to die, failed, and now I’m really worried Backstory: I’m 18, living in the UK, clearly living my best life with depression and autism, and have attempted twice before but neither time has had any physical consequences. 

I just took ten 500mg paracetamol tablets, and a 20mg Prozac capsule, all at once with liqueur. Then stopped when I realise that I don’t _actually_ want to die. And had a huge fucking panic attack thinking I was still going to die because of what I’ve done. 

I want to seek medical attention. It’s too late in the day to do it right now. I don’t want my parents to know what I’ve done, and I’m kind of grounded (for unrelated reasons) so I can’t even go to the hospital/GP and tell them I’m just going to a friend’s house or something. 

I’ve scheduled a GP appointment for Friday late in the afternoon - the earliest slot I could find (it’s Wednesday evening now), and that day is my best bet at being allowed out of the house. As far as I’m aware, they can’t tell my parents what I’ve done, because I’m over 16 so they have to keep my medical records confidential. But what if they have to admit me to hospital for an overnight stay or something? 

I’m hoping with everything I’ve got that they can just give me an antidote and let me get on with my life. But I’m still really fucking paranoid. Can/will my parents find out about this??",4.454524380495601,4.956855107913672,5.501678657074339,83.12651478816949,69.863309352518,9.199360511590726,31.9912070343725,9.2995712137729,2.668534132693844,1072,46,225,21,18,355,143,278,0.125,0.7909999999999999,0.084,-0.9398,4,0,2,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,5,4,15,11,3,1,12,0,20,7,0,2,2,42,45,21,3,6,9,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,11,15,0,2,7,0,1,4,5,6,0,2,8,0,24,5,33,34,4,34,0,2,0,2,13,13,2,5,16,136,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.09597205692991348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687903396622577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118834109731836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990230160147493,0.0,0.08368567989325118,0.0,0.20641729665793349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852172647172757,0.0,0.0,0.12685079174788433,0.0,0.08470574893000353,0.0,0.30620461037369684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019280314748386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299139520996452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883875476554145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977395021634351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598230911365808,0.1818396219241576,0.051382019047809736,0.09434298280188187,0.1676778511387153,0.0,0.07865672900683313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768032569297902,0.0,0.22695745439610385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741494221923188,0.0,0.10241280936459336,0.054048697972310995,0.0,0.2218784090945726,0.0,0.0,0.10056602186443493,0.1389301690561969,0.0,0.0,0.17368363041219598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814762736445365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047358778414674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538849945038528,0.3276066525698409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600665064182168,0.10111664436349298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398742578643277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142397496028395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482434866073116,0.1570793813995437,0.08222212871137817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191845832841032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301650526541447,0.0,0.0,0.05734667063459099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926664797390344,0.06677085932007497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740220493493466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987570660934067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giggleboxx3000,2019/04/03,"""If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would've done it already. You're only saying it for attention, you pathetic piece of shit."" That's what my sister told me last night. I opened up to my family about my depression and suicidal thoughts 5 months ago, and she used my pain and suffering against me. It hurts.",4.1164999999999985,6.134970983333336,4.823333333333334,81.855,72.5,9.466666666666667,27.0,9.888512548439397,2.7729,249,9,47,7,5,80,48,60,0.355,0.645,0.0,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,9,5,4,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,11,0,7,2,1,6,0,3,0,0,7,2,1,1,4,29,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126361425072701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26470980537521444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660537373676505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454770566439056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261343205729759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256792873541702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653879296222945,0.0,0.0,0.1955314540373972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146722250796894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251079499291949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243697207596246,0.2552456268813837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367109953000013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075950917290055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24622989428304784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623860791095123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043523481978464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292123816933148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717637418330925,0.0,0.0,0.14148544027777052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040146220427754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MorningPerson42,2019/04/03,"Hi pls help me I'm failing in school, my dad dislikes the fact that I'm gay, no psychiatrist will take me, and I want to die without committing suicide. I just want God to take me home. None of my family are any help. They try, bless their hearts, but it doesn't work.",2.9801785714285707,3.8202680892857153,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,73.46428571428571,7.742857142857144,24.714285714285715,8.07648339933343,1.0308000000000002,207,6,49,3,4,67,45,56,0.153,0.633,0.215,0.1862,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,8,9,2,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,5,8,1,1,1,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,25,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902130332907792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27321541188406234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481718266413465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31195648375776497,0.35290633875694,0.0,0.26406457144697426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664264416298441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879564339144824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958675093815076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873174223657093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105472894863672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537668323288968,0.0,0.19165157197730054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Willius_Kenwius,2019/04/03,"I hope this works This is a bit long.
I'm sorry for my bad english, that is not my native language. I did my best.
I'm fucked. I'm M17 and I have social anxiety. When I was 10, I - kind of- abused by an older student. I told my parents that there's a guy who is bullying me they said that I should do it myself. I don't really know what I was supposed to do. I dont know... maybe I should have told them that he raped me ( he was going to, he didn't) so they might have done something. I did not, because I was afraid. Afraid of attention, afraid of my classmates looking at me like ""this boy was raped, he is fucked up"" FUCK!
Then I told my teacher, she seemed really caring, though she didn't give a shit at ALL. . Anyway, the guy didn't continue because he didn't know anything how weak and stupid I was. And he thought I was going to tell people about it. Funny, he overestimated me!
I think it feels disgusting for adults, when teenagers talk about love and things like that. Well, I don't have any female friends. I never had. Except one, which I found really special. Yeah I was(and am) a kid. But I could find difference between an asshole who doesn't give a fuck about you and a friend. I could.  she was really nice to me all the time. Hell I never thought I would tell anyone about this. One day, she told me the same things I thought about her. That I'm special for her as well.( please we were 12 I'm not saying we were lovers or something. That's stupid) . BUT after a few years, I realized she was actually Lying. Because she told me one day, that how pathetic I look when I'm trying to talk to strangers. And she never actually gave a damn about me or my feelings. It has quite long story and it is not exactly like what I just told you. But in a way, I was proved that I was wrong about her all the fucking time.
Anyway, I didn't see her after 14. I completely fucked after that. My grades at school, which were the best, dropped. I became FAR more introvert than I was. My parents blamed me ( the grades are the most important things for them) and the worst part is that I could never tell them. It was pathetic: dad I lost my friend so I can't study.
But well I did. I literally had and have no friend. ( except 1 which is why I haven't killed myself yet) . 
But the thing is, I can't see a therapist or talk to anyone about that. Because I pretend to be strong. And that's because if i tell them I am depressed. They'd only say : don't be. Be strong. You shouldn't be weak. We don't have time for that shit.
The last sentence, I literally heard it when I was about to talk to my father about all of this. My own father, the one who should help me in my hard moments. The one who should be on my side, was not event thinking about my problems ( and isn't)
Anyway. I've written a note. A suicide note, actually. I'm going to kill myself in a few days. I'm done. But now... when I think of it, I'm scared. I don't know. This is my last try. I don't know if this is going to help. I always wanted to mark my name somewhere in world. So some people could remember me. I'm  crying now. ( which hasn't been a surprise lately) and I'm hiding my face somewhere because if my family see that, they will laugh at me. A man doesn't cry, they say.
I'm sorry. Because I look pathetic. I AM pathetic. I know I have done bad things. I killed a bird when I was 10 . My god, I didn't want to kill that bird. I did not mean to. But I did. She died. Sometimes I think maybe it's all because I killed a defenceless creature.
I know no one is going to remember this or me, or even help me. Farewell.",-0.0030368539325849038,2.1770675613333346,1.87225018726592,96.64882921348317,88.05333333333334,4.970786516853933,18.160299625468163,6.445833366539903,-0.2025579026217228,2741,73,636,30,89,901,258,750,0.18,0.685,0.135,-0.9916,2,0,2,0,1,2,134.0,3,3,9,7,35,57,20,4,31,1,93,15,3,2,11,95,159,41,7,17,24,5,3,3,5,8,2,5,0,6,48,15,0,0,25,1,0,5,33,33,3,6,51,14,127,24,56,90,17,53,1,2,6,10,82,13,10,13,36,440,175,5,0.0,0.05953981418050072,0.14711465495574352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041813276279139874,0.0,0.0,0.03417274541658135,0.0,0.03844226245208468,0.0,0.0,0.07027403897482826,0.0,0.04135270548020692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391581243648348,0.2450627997742048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547170480711092,0.0,0.05486162653838995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123475666416247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268774509681159,0.0,0.0,0.1604869454151424,0.0,0.11039783341206408,0.09722418720524606,0.0,0.04328154612651357,0.0,0.05215312669821219,0.052502125422984484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427420436320466,0.05889438757103209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033190643972258155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047372645007468205,0.0,0.050817339877409086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592896360000286,0.0,0.0,0.05509817958223643,0.15529674706822372,0.2787402301504409,0.0,0.09641164179368188,0.14279543675467427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951377752170036,0.0,0.0,0.045015476522853363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010475701436804,0.0,0.0,0.04991108130839077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779792149066279,0.0523292077391624,0.19331838402252555,0.0819233642769275,0.056685884482526774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365103857906234,0.0,0.0,0.08894199813103422,0.1265958197302558,0.0,0.05485545194663025,0.0,0.0453539436448919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096877857838156,0.05473861878682163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330890378325085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502822889456316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431031478241946,0.03821853265127409,0.0,0.0,0.11159669501906214,0.054417481061012865,0.0,0.06967613021700678,0.0,0.0,0.05516106033999443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480839020093144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344865930042274,0.0,0.0,0.1287695990152497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385031450462647,0.0,0.047800687081947166,0.11988603702811795,0.050310521212282085,0.05085720410227574,0.12013182605059892,0.0457470812565237,0.0,0.0,0.10316489193273937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122507925600405,0.0,0.07737212455696887,0.04970002165510955,0.11250488750440654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496698842113675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615610193200202,0.17568811510748736,0.0,0.0,0.05834586842307792,0.1669243293330124,0.12879653689765724,0.04937184681546829,0.11968224133125605,0.0879061669943113,0.0,0.0,0.2881047890942212,0.0,0.06823494424107808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927927719261161,0.039887304275538785,0.0,0.0,0.13554640919016714,0.0,0.045344165573880005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036583692868267306,0.0,0.0,0.035697226132252284,0.0549421302053822,0.0,0.032360320541374936
suicidewatch,Spastic-Aztec,2019/04/03,"Tried to prepare my suicide today. I called my local gun range today. I lied and told them that my girlfriend’s parents were taking me shooting next week, and I wanted to get some experience so that I didn’t look bad in front of them. The plan was to go there and take a class or something. Just so I could feel more comfortable with shooting myself when the time comes. They told me the classes were all filled up though. ",4.496907630522088,5.792285216867473,4.3062048192771085,88.82790160642574,70.32530120481928,6.497188755020081,25.88152610441768,6.42735559955562,0.8272104417670683,335,10,67,2,6,102,63,83,0.15,0.8079999999999999,0.041,-0.8558,1,0,1,3,0,1,7.0,0,0,3,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,15,8,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,3,14,1,7,8,3,13,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,2,6,45,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780706436774624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744907256871768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834403642497052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002583783129138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830913596495912,0.0,0.0,0.10767555911371643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125928110117132,0.0,0.12102623654475955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882709200964875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264781917756332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364593770631871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639418118222148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329362861307189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32022867550350026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922548182005904,0.0,0.12417474958338022,0.0,0.4037095522537054,0.4069719026864479,0.0,0.14458127461956286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560534122741385,0.0,0.1708182478586798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,davethemacguy,2019/04/03,"Help ....I don't even know where to start. My partner of 16 years and wife of 6 MONTHS came back from Ireland requesting a separation. Through some sleuthing, it's found that she hooked up with a guy in Ireland (to some degree...), continued the relationship after she got back, until he cut her off entirely.

​

Now she wants a divorce.

​

Claims she needs to 'find herself' and be 'independent' 

​

So yeah. That's enough to be suicidal, right?

​

Last Saturday night on the way home from the hockey game, after consuming two beers, I ran through a check stop and failed the breathalyzer. I've currently lost my license for 90d so far.

​

​

I've already decided how I'll do it. Fentanyl overdoes. Quick, painless, and there won't be anyone around to save me as I'm living alone, and I don't think dogs can administer Naloxzone. ",4.960705244122966,7.478654075949372,4.7190235081374325,81.3306329113924,71.53164556962025,7.805424954792044,32.171790235081374,8.634040054169528,2.808743580470164,696,33,121,13,14,213,111,158,0.103,0.83,0.067,-0.701,1,1,1,0,1,0,53.0,0,0,0,2,11,4,1,0,8,1,8,1,0,2,0,21,19,10,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,8,1,1,5,3,1,2,3,3,0,1,5,0,12,1,22,10,3,27,0,2,0,0,15,8,0,2,16,73,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840946318599203,0.08354439002925157,0.0,0.0,0.4921700331401282,0.5519526456513794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293598883146797,0.0,0.0,0.0673951460614627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642778697760618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658846629397106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822541234732666,0.0,0.05000365950942501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691946880993001,0.0,0.0,0.08300865188762581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054968279875057,0.0,0.0,0.07496168275389485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074470480237935,0.0,0.0759401419313838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041606504099917535,0.06171118608897794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668505343508519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264296841204986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042848428810416,0.0,0.0,0.05613566897845993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104574891327696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128082292755354,0.0,0.06465323507172953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358569711875832,0.0,0.0,0.06329431537992754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281100467849792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04850989169121396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395459047261266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044653860816646636,0.06009257257587265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5519526456513794,0.04875272836885162
suicidewatch,valsecteric,2019/04/03,"Going to kill myself in 2 months I've finally decided the time, method and place for my suicide. It's been a long ride, I've thought so much about this for such a long time. Years have gone by where I first came back to the suicidal thoughts in periods, I thought It'd be better if I just died. But it didn't end there, the thoughts developed, they grew and formed into this plan I have today. I finally have a plan, I know what to do now, I know how to proceed. 

​

My life is riddled with issues, I wish I could go into great detail on what these issues are but paranoia keeps me from doing so, strange you may say so since I'm already set in my ways to go through with my plans. Yes, it is weird, the fear never leaves it seems, it never dissipates, it doesn't grow weaker, it's constant. The last years I've isolated myself succesfully, I'm now completely alone, there's no-one else in this space than me, me and my thoughts. 

​

In about 2 months I'll lose my last thread of hope I had left, I will lose my home and end up on the street. I welcome this as I will finally be able to rest, I look forward to my passage, I will finally have some peace. All these issues and thoughts eating away at me will go away, at last I will be nothing. It's liberating and almost intoxicating to think about this point, I'm longing for it.

​

I don't know why I wrote this, I guess I just wanted to share one last text before I sign out. After all this is the world I lived in, I share the same physical form as you all do, so the least I could do is to say goodbye when I leave. I was weak, I wasn't cut out for it, I hope you do better. I love you all.",2.986446991404012,3.84700543266476,4.021162177650432,91.09711862464188,73.46991404011462,7.303197707736392,24.84825214899713,7.554174236665415,0.9108311977077368,1292,38,298,15,25,419,171,349,0.114,0.755,0.132,0.8858,0,1,1,0,0,2,56.0,0,4,1,8,18,16,2,1,12,1,33,5,0,1,6,51,62,17,4,7,5,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,1,0,22,13,1,1,12,0,0,10,6,7,0,2,14,3,48,9,44,36,11,67,0,2,1,1,12,25,0,8,32,197,70,0,0.0727942297637472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289290600368922,0.0753928684442009,0.08033024268748773,0.0,0.0,0.23661755260773645,0.2653588706653546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678515020510504,0.055974269368676666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619425279805865,0.0,0.0,0.12876116133139828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325720624564546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632336493911059,0.07866470175071058,0.0,0.11624053829193272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554891776805611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448667014769654,0.060810238216065016,0.0,0.1289481621971662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819137464847585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189700822093781,0.0,0.061918734650093864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548255327368294,0.0,0.0,0.08025589530073762,0.08019105097879765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301854773174378,0.14460219036538174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793479001614306,0.0,0.0647028561068402,0.08053602987116609,0.0,0.1200174148337463,0.2373480518955067,0.0,0.1541571573255626,0.07909114363135303,0.0,0.05141671726326676,0.0,0.0,0.06427863853350196,0.19326180792028474,0.0611288193063,0.16287624612557092,0.0,0.0,0.06569963443826365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620731939992195,0.0,0.05351213468778069,0.0,0.11228679523143746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984802672954894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932725401738887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605447664109452,0.0,0.06881407630115365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577778650915024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626913281684732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060216139095385986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592501447599117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664360313043835,0.0,0.346742923428277,0.08489380154185966,0.0,0.06900041821015715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042935922748117236,0.0577806712939689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568546994363839,0.0,0.08370977172352409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653588706653546,0.093754194630562
suicidewatch,fxckingidiot,2019/04/03,"Still miserable and in debt 17 months after a breakup  17 months ago my ex broke up with me and one of the multiple bad habits i developed from the unbearable crippling misery and sadness was habitual spending, which put me in my position now of around $25,000 in debt.

I'm still a miserable piece of shit thanks to her, but I finally consolidated my debt into one, closed all of my credit cards, built an emergency fund of $500 and I'm moving back home with parents next month to finally start saving money and stop digging myself any deeper into this hole.

I made the genius idea to get my dream car last month because I was 'feeling ambitious' which was around $20k out the door, so these are my three current debts as of today:

Car Loan: $19,700 remaining @ $333/m

eLoan: $5500 remaining @ $187/m

Verizon cellphone: $720 remaining @ $31/m

I don't know how one single person could have broken me so badly, and how it's even remotely possible to be this fucking stupid and still be breathing, but maybe there are some factors I'm not aware of that could help me, and any help is greatly appreciated. Every other area in my life has been hell because of this, and I really don't want to suffer like this anymore",9.517656903765689,6.677453589958159,9.431418410041843,70.01248326359834,61.21757322175732,12.907280334728036,38.544351464435145,11.20814326018867,4.10852769874477,964,35,185,20,10,318,150,239,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.9333,6,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,13,16,4,2,7,0,15,4,2,3,1,33,26,16,0,3,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,10,17,0,1,3,1,9,4,3,11,0,4,5,1,19,5,28,17,4,35,1,5,0,1,7,12,3,1,20,110,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276154839584936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730105789011405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615540649568108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264828370108705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781452019384956,0.21242547403801698,0.15508871301973595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312927007963555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401918630973866,0.0,0.10717759121829397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643198057635466,0.0,0.0,0.27869864045927684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176010492023201,0.06646053578659866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024643787422908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705286712553582,0.0,0.12759923965401593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436014970948717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990977568369725,0.10369088367277406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985023986509895,0.06214703494406645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036657197484946,0.0,0.0,0.12779677649421967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061424407435912,0.13520117108613344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528634933117645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585967662611993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412485927991433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107246065692364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143407056705034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787841717840626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149221916073385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057641007456414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003794350110662,0.0,0.3047636130976297,0.10635095367872288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711534134960555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205775953223674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503012955873385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Versart,2019/04/03,A friend just told me she hopes I'm dead by tomorrow. I think I might be.,-1.6647058823529406,0.08726047058823383,0.9132352941176478,103.65455882352943,91.35294117647058,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.6302705882352937,56,1,16,1,2,19,15,17,0.212,0.493,0.29600000000000004,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38474250640645896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946121508034103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282841177951607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190891203967536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758466645585688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,princekurry,2019/04/03,"Flair for the dramatic This isn’t a writer who’s looking to get feedback on, or praise for, his craft. Nor am I a 16 year old looking to vent their frustrations to hear an echo chamber of “It gets better,” so they can continue on their way. This is me, a 24-soon-to-be-25-year old who is putting his raw emotion onto this page. I hope that for those of you willing to listen, I am worth your time.

As the title said, I have a flair for the dramatic. I always want to have the last word, say that mind-bending sentence in a speech that sticks with you, and generally tend to walk with my head up in the clouds looking to have an impactful, significant moment with myself or others by way of eloquence. I often find myself wishing I could pause time because memories and life moves on too quickly for my pace. Maybe it’s why I spend a lot of my thoughts on the moments in my past that I adored. Maybe it’s why I often based present judgements on past experiences with people that shouldn’t or don’t want to have a place in my life. Regardless of what it may be, I feel more hurt and *different* than I have before. And i wish to pen these thoughts as my own “Captain America Speaking to SHIELD in The Winter Soldier” moment. Yet I’m aware I’ll just be another statistic. So as I said before, for those of you willing to listen, I hope your time spent with me is considered worthwhile. 

I want to end my life. I feel an overwhelming sense of dread because my life, while on paper seems comfortable *enough*, it contains neither the joy or excitement that made me smile and have energy when I was younger. I felt like I glided through life with a faint idea of what I should have for myself, but my i consistency and lack of proper drive has robbed me of the pride and independence that many of you seem to have. I am absent minded, unmotivated, and generally drag myself through life. I dont know what I can do to fix it. And I’m not depressed.

My family is filled with inconsistent love, or sometimes no love at all. My parents were arranged to marry, and were on completely different pages for the entirety of their marriage. While I grew up in a comfortable home, all I really needed was love and validation. I never got it, and was often labeled as being too sensitive, too emotional, and too much of an overthinker. When I want/*need* 90g of *something* to *function*, I was told that the average amount of people get (of that thing), is 60g, and I should be happy with 70g. That’s been the story of my life. For others, this is enough. And for me, I’m realizing it’s just enough to survive, not to thrive. When I complain, it’s met with “what cab you possibly be upset abt?” But the pain is there, it’s real, and I don’t know why I can’t live the life I want.

For the majority of my life, I’ve had a noose around my neck. It’s metaphorical, but oh how real I wish it were, so that those who are pulling at it can see my scars. I said no to myself before I even get onto the pitch. I stopped myself from sinking into my chair and enjoying life, from soaking in everything, because I was told that it wasn’t for me. Now that I have a clear path ahead of me, I realize this isn’t what I had in mind for myself. I can’t stop looking at others and wishing that was me. The sense of freedom and free will they have, I felt it came from a childhood that was totally different from mine. And now? I have no idea what to do. I feel glued onto to this feeling, and I cant see a way out.

I want to sleep. Forever. And everyone around me is telling me to chase my dreams. Well my friends, when is it that we dream? When we are awake, or when we are asleep? At least when I sleep forever, for good, I know that I will be chasing my dreams. Because when I open my eyes, I’m seeing a nightmare of grey that I can’t paint over. ",2.9691382825108303,4.421080173575135,4.141592627197826,87.91066975282429,74.33678756476685,7.393901299583795,25.868172938078658,8.035763501944215,1.4013761318270612,2962,102,633,45,61,968,311,772,0.054000000000000006,0.795,0.151,0.9967,4,0,1,0,0,1,110.0,3,7,5,5,30,28,1,3,35,0,70,21,6,3,5,112,127,50,0,18,13,1,6,1,1,8,12,9,1,0,57,40,0,3,18,3,4,8,19,8,1,0,28,24,109,21,109,84,17,77,1,3,9,3,41,31,0,15,36,461,166,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049649365689507466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256812104052575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623607342128767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454946089569417,0.0,0.15232170411332546,0.0,0.0,0.052772357853386256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824540935228413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256178315718827,0.0,0.0,0.04764081979677113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139279918886955,0.0,0.0,0.1870241313213664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993159220657717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423912726594342,0.05284899957131701,0.18496199953247947,0.0,0.039410794051338335,0.0,0.0,0.057016260956385977,0.0536266256403096,0.0583677053741376,0.05625059753637157,0.0,0.12068170282079485,0.0,0.114583143245379,0.0,0.054536360516055885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04610010068397703,0.0,0.12469830301718322,0.0,0.0,0.05004750375026955,0.047722728737596413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351873151826129,0.0,0.0,0.0612375810089534,0.0,0.06725126941249374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059852845236718265,0.11852950777144936,0.0,0.0,0.06387686992050888,0.1347180156352898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837752158733168,0.04863817707498208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42145960396861387,0.02915124631239182,0.0,0.05268879652751718,0.0,0.20042763791385065,0.0,0.0,0.05072842723740708,0.1615607338530856,0.05646022518331074,0.0,0.06049497341561826,0.1198910072818646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807459596787552,0.0,0.0,0.06341867546219918,0.043863560906755285,0.044243787569731546,0.0460203906122922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522509995688785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349199446702382,0.0,0.06625533339880905,0.0,0.11392157322111908,0.08273390599386614,0.0,0.06234137710712213,0.0,0.0,0.06726780186224672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059983798753417986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358327094191654,0.03822547214740098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027657272998534,0.047451162430949184,0.0,0.0,0.1426453388324915,0.10864078439440003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942413085048688,0.0,0.0,0.04593609073656271,0.059014140232824024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977186680061308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215331259884807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396414144359462,0.0,0.0,0.09474099927379412,0.10438037436547064,0.0,0.0,0.11403252191277195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111658382015357,0.14208736070745548,0.0,0.0,0.053649572868156525,0.0,0.1615259022110851,0.0,0.2744654977349521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768497248415787
suicidewatch,ErstwhileEndomorph,2019/04/03,"Want to die, but NOT commit suicide? For a multitude of reasons (which I won’t elaborate on - it doesn’t matter) I’m surfing a low point in my life. I have been crying often, and found myself thinking about how it might be okay if I died. Not killed myself - just quietly faded away.  Disappeared. 

I’ve starting stating the thought out loud repeatedly, when I’m alone. Kinda testing how it sounds and feels when I let it breathe.  The act of stating it floods me with relief, but this could just an effect of meditating or blowing off steam - the same could happen if a person were to sing, chant, focus on breathing, yell, etc.

I read about the effects of suicide on family and friends. Overall my death would be a net negative. I have a child who loves me more than I can conceive of. And I really have no desire or plan to harm my body. Going to sleep and never waking up wouldn’t be so bad though.

Is this suicidal ideation? Or something else?",3.2831762295081965,5.324515989071038,4.152592213114756,85.6620030737705,74.90163934426229,6.760792349726777,26.191598360655732,7.6454224807358475,1.4888254098360658,738,27,141,10,16,237,124,183,0.233,0.613,0.153,-0.9665,0,1,1,0,0,4,28.0,0,0,0,3,11,8,1,0,10,1,18,7,5,5,2,40,29,18,7,8,11,0,1,0,1,4,1,4,0,2,9,7,0,0,7,2,0,3,8,4,0,0,4,5,15,4,22,15,3,21,0,1,0,1,5,10,0,8,6,103,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777569003649472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431260801300367,0.0,0.1271954353491508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692126018319622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432581690773161,0.0,0.16733557210185018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31620451319443865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725841971278998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989656238721987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436102214925585,0.0,0.07702640874609014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703018740866848,0.11769556164757924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657690233354094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471153331063887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853885450886244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577539777439864,0.10760046955405698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374905262599784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160599600531567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749205836848173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330152144184968,0.0,0.0,0.14400816147052475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237870790809285,0.0,0.09759129257598256,0.15662830452385645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244749953016234,0.0,0.0,0.11727683712007668,0.0,0.0,0.10782525470100544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998974438113326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761170813045747,0.14967080380562028,0.12093894541598794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985259453222055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821617730474027,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtensionView3,2019/04/03,"Should I tell my parent that I have suicidal thoughts? Currently I am far away from my home country, alone and depressed. I never had suicidal thoughts before and because of this I ended hospitalized for few days as I rushed in hospital.

Should I tell to my parent, who thinks that I am happy living abroad, that I am in troubles? Note that my parent used to be suicidal as well and has barely recovered. If I tell him what's happening, I may push him into crisis. But in any case, I would risk him calling the police and also having sent my broad family after me.",4.611399082568807,6.032548798165138,5.745768348623852,78.13590022935782,70.19266055045871,8.752752293577982,27.386467889908253,9.188382445141503,2.3856688073394494,445,15,80,9,8,148,72,109,0.236,0.716,0.048,-0.9737,4,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,12,0,0,1,1,16,18,9,3,4,2,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,4,0,21,2,13,9,1,15,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,2,5,64,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261654829000254,0.0,0.11784067318169995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020724633775704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844596917732999,0.0,0.0,0.08982695144124474,0.0,0.12538924447145314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046712149293498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503253697742604,0.0,0.12691765035869998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305138259690703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891427949570292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030657146210484,0.156863379409168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147810249774688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011819478687564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365015989179042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49086475370641003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835511881192472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863873537502587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441988156803988,0.0,0.23396867285387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726841584808893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249089052633214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467759288879164,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nevamariii,2019/04/03,"i should just disappear. i’m a horrible, toxic friend who can’t even keep a relationship. i’m such a bad person i can’t stand myself. i want to die so bad. i think it would make all of my friends lives better if i just left. nobody would miss me, it wouldn’t leave a hole in anyone’s life. i might as well die because i feel dead anyway. nobody cares about me and i should go bite it. i’m worthless and insignificant. ",0.01840909090909193,2.282961295454548,2.0118181818181817,94.88772727272728,89.45454545454545,5.0181818181818185,15.954545454545453,6.574015621080383,-0.37592272727272746,326,7,74,4,11,108,59,88,0.325,0.519,0.156,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,1,17,19,5,3,7,3,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,0,1,12,5,5,13,1,5,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090942737123066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365262407089468,0.1228464283892334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17823053998888966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054659253508239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182977000252762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310390876746142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189598274292756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31139203070192856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453005131259487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912272401869805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133835475634791,0.2189551118054023,0.0,0.1423415133497007,0.0,0.0,0.17794832443442815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451803382416785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378384437463635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759619358292093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636006935560545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291276730810022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188633686927167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119319908028808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863120302414235,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kawhintheworld,2019/04/03,"Went to candian tire and bought some rope I bought it a few days ago. Now its just sitting in my bag beside me at work. I'm really contemplating doing it today. Tell my teamates I'm not feeling well and that I need to go home early. Goto a a hotel and hang myself. I'd like to do it at home, but my mom is staying with me now. I've researched everything I need to research to do it. I guess I just need the last bit of conviction.
I've been diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago. I've suffered from and endless barage of depressive episodes. About a year ago I met a girl and fell in love. She was the first girl I've loved, and she was the first girl who's loved me. After a while I proposed to her. Then things started going down hill. We fought so much. Just fight after fight. Then about a month ago I checked into a hospital. While she was visiting me, I broke up with her. I had been telling myself to break up with her for a long time by then, I sincerely felt that it was for the best. It was a really ugly breakup. And now looking back I'm starting to realize how big of a mistake I've made. She really loved me and cared for me despite all my flaws and I just threw it all away because I wasn't willing to try hard enough. I'll never find anyone like her again.
Well, I've made my bed and now I've gotta sleep in it I guess.",0.7970751879699236,2.686780726315789,2.622449874686719,94.39006578947372,82.08771929824562,5.8959899749373434,21.055764411027567,7.021680442328713,0.3665764411027563,1037,31,240,13,28,344,147,285,0.114,0.743,0.14400000000000002,0.9328,0,0,0,0,2,1,29.0,1,0,0,4,16,18,3,0,16,0,14,8,1,3,3,39,43,18,0,4,6,1,3,2,0,2,3,0,3,3,13,16,0,0,4,1,3,7,3,7,2,2,18,4,36,11,35,23,9,52,0,3,1,4,25,11,0,3,33,156,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809514630549764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512359033361893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094213245755967,0.08261367706005872,0.0,0.06549359352620032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275021699771527,0.0,0.11729516097921355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954084685127777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928903017079721,0.0,0.09253673725452133,0.10904795102734292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101282814548344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655891574395213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432420106324317,0.0,0.10315793640007846,0.0,0.09819696423511974,0.1827744928534208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211970222586238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23671153418847102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096243912156146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553941801267956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757682561687104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497817839180328,0.0,0.0,0.09507980939366016,0.0902213926897523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878702442150303,0.20332206478648732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258308285748407,0.08575649191316292,0.0,0.0789797573733868,0.23899315527291645,0.08286329722554651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648381845487146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751622399227563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209123497842295,0.1145152877157143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781220175132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137745384476364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264833095708633,0.12348490388286093,0.10183926170571622,0.0,0.0,0.07294377941532862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19320046802950167,0.09959668926192808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821660448209257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837391440020247
suicidewatch,cleverusername0000,2019/04/03,"I send all my love to all of you I seriously admire those of you who feel depressed and suicidal , but are still here for others.. to support them through their rough times and to comfort them... You are the bravest and kindest people, keep your heads up.. and know things CAN and WILL get better eventually.. Dont give up friends , you are amazing and compassionate human beings xxx ❤❤❤",7.309246575342463,7.063930027397263,6.8836643835616425,78.21535958904111,63.794520547945204,9.491780821917807,34.688356164383556,8.841846274778883,2.7706465753424654,304,12,58,4,4,95,54,73,0.101,0.591,0.308,0.9708,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,3,1,2,10,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,2,12,14,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,11,8,9,12,2,5,0,1,0,1,15,2,0,0,2,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523072947189846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457115554208208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343464564166813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424632136671428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040689790973028,0.0,0.14904721321019604,0.2736669156475537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29277995200497325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357029116710444,0.0,0.0,0.15678262473330978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574766623373469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977774809763186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278252634311524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120504101742841,0.3237327709835779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895275944075692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634927165893693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tromboan,2019/04/03,"someone to talk to ? Im killing myself in sometime,  and do not want to scar someone i know by talking to them hours before suicide.

Im bored and would like to talk to someone.
Also, do i write a suicide note ? Why? Why not ?",-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,91.17391304347824,3.066666666666667,25.057971014492754,3.1291,0.10338840579710153,170,8,36,0,6,56,29,46,0.32,0.634,0.045,-0.9449,0,0,0,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,8,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438293352906871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304267362019155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712015385741736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885467888979342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989820198830408,0.0,0.09884316234180199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786767521370388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571696290042909,0.0,0.1778803983687481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934625970722072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336799691497467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060826644624724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245808741071652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776326032871074,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cunteroni,2019/04/03,"Just 2 more years It's just a couple more years until I'll finally be able to do it. Maybe sooner. I've begun preparation. I've removed all personal files from my pc and put them on a usb. I've also removed questionable bookmarks. Should a sooner opportunity present itself, everything is prepared. It feels fucking great to finally be ready. For a while I was scared of death, despite how I still really wanted it. But now, I'm just ready. Maybe I wouldn't have a terrible future awaiting me if I put in the effort. I don't care, though. I'm really tired. There's a lot I keep fucking up. There's a lot of static noise. I can't really make much out. I'm just not interested in it all. Even when things go my way, even if I were to have my ideal future, I think I'd still feel this way. Afterall, it's been this way for 10+ years, even through everything good or bad. I don't want to try to get better, nor do I even want to be better. I'm just really fucking worthless.  


Well, here's to hoping an earlier opportunity is presented. I don't really want to wait 2 more years.",1.4158599508599536,3.4887222567567586,3.8130221130221145,85.69813267813268,80.93693693693695,7.459787059787061,21.8026208026208,8.438071523408619,1.3801279279279286,839,26,177,19,22,291,119,222,0.125,0.708,0.16699999999999998,0.8826,0,0,0,1,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,6,20,18,3,1,9,0,18,4,0,2,2,32,39,12,1,10,10,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,2,4,0,0,5,7,7,1,0,3,2,17,11,20,31,8,30,0,1,0,3,3,5,3,7,17,110,27,1,0.10795010830087268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632766260690798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013383135219263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094619663924128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100623299103166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944474159104065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28520011372403026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403719335531786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916563658951296,0.0,0.0,0.23650813416799685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993944069178581,0.05639947611079429,0.0,0.061350534258607974,0.09054342918457384,0.0,0.1190153754990724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721881501561224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595101626568313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355064348999567,0.0,0.0,0.07205753553716113,0.0,0.21690078653791536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935575049979687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425787073853964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703934972471348,0.12092882683986135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345778017990204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807689045782826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241819186783303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171725524348667,0.06917007056486986,0.10606043331297073,0.0,0.0,0.12407276938940917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329103750508034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546870830668746,0.2570573139158655,0.0,0.0,0.09706011164931284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27806532184974325
suicidewatch,nolongercasual,2019/04/03,"I'm not sure what to do or where to go, all I know is that I want to die. Hi, I'm Max. I just turned 19 a few days ago. I regret a significant amount of my life. I still live with my parents, and have been unemployed the majority of my time since graduating high school. I could have gone to college, but I chose not to. So I've sat at home, despising myself and passing the time. Recently I got a job thanks to a friend, but said job has led me to despise everything with few exceptions. I'm a perfectionist to a (big) fault, such that if I don't expect to be able to do something flawlessly, I opt to skip it. If I still do something (usually because of obligations), I hate myself when I don't live up to the impossible standards. Combined with a pessimistic view of life, I find it difficult to experience positive emotions. One coping mechanism I've tried is to stop caring, but that hasn't been healthy and hasn't really helped in the long term.

Cut to today, as I sit in my car with a suicide note and my phone. I intend to sit here and starve myself, as inactivity seems to be the only thing I'm good at. While I doubt it, perhaps someone can tell me of a reason to continue, or even a way to continue. I'm trying to find public WiFi so I don't leave my parents with a large bill for mobile data, so replies may be irregular for some time.",4.067224227837947,4.501120032490976,5.747406738868833,81.26581929402329,70.69675090252707,9.332450862414762,29.107300441235466,9.444778638647367,2.3579861211391893,1047,38,225,22,18,360,152,277,0.174,0.721,0.105,-0.968,6,0,2,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,0,11,14,4,1,16,0,21,2,0,4,2,40,38,19,2,6,11,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,8,10,0,1,5,0,1,5,7,8,0,1,6,2,29,6,40,27,7,33,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,8,17,145,37,6,0.128341046301275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376659389045883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823551060673299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308522501865054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246988226558383,0.0,0.0,0.08276935747446906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319774362266962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436640285636124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476805066875685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534465693714815,0.1255421699986263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346027824505417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915597400863467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293917423358721,0.10764638053781056,0.10264605890483283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671021269362456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602429802259619,0.13559936182969656,0.1287365337294721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547173702114009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705328826388572,0.0,0.0,0.1358946370488701,0.0,0.0,0.18130215299649588,0.0,0.0,0.22665499040198744,0.11357778731942805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696721446612878,0.0976091489811586,0.0,0.0,0.28501508755746074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221856062090696,0.1319559707687878,0.12672130004331736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220817248363925,0.0,0.0,0.12988799065834192,0.0,0.11683686840008313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061650397401928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874295204863324,0.1976064152378746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049866507221724,0.10729886143950487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038427405887066,0.0,0.12095991728505714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121757313279137,0.11815919227084212,0.0,0.0,0.0852640883893423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245100885688842,0.0,0.1216523053689532,0.0,0.0,0.17427029182205936,0.13959820431659895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134953061440694,0.0,0.07569887431034235,0.10187114876996924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,texas_ranger23,2019/04/03,"The door is right in front of me, but closed Not sure what to think at the moment. I have been contemplating suicide heavily the past few months. It was always a thought on the back burner but not as bad as it is now. I have everything I could want now. I went through homelessness, being scammed out of housing, extreme poverty, but I pushed through it and worked my way up from nothing. Now I'm on my own with a good job, a good place to live, my own car, Etc. But I feel worse than ever before. I am so scared of death, but I also don't want to live anymore.

My mom killed herself over a year ago and it took such a bad toll on me. If she had died from natural causes it wouldn't have been as bad. But knowing she drove out in the middle of nowhere just to take a bunch of meds and end her miserable life, just tore up my emotional state. I still haven't recovered from it, and I refused all help from fear of looking weak.

On one hand, I want to die. I want everyone who treated me poorly and neglected me as a child to see what they caused. I don't want to deal with my physical health issues anymore either. I'm miserable from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep. The only thing I look forward to is sleeping and eating basically. All my hobbies have died.

But on the other hand, I am scared of death. I am terrified. I am so young, so much life ahead of me. I want to be the cool aunt to my nephews as they grow up. If I were to die, the toll on my grandma would be ridiculous. She's already lost 3 children and her husband, and she is so old now. How could I do that to her? To my sister? And how pathetic would it look to the rest of the family that my mom killed herself then shortly after I did too? Another thing is if I were to do it I'd like to leave a lot of money to my sister and nephews. They deserve it. I don't want to die with only a couple hundred in my savings. I want to leave them a lot of money to set them up for a good future. 

The door to death is right in front of me, but I am scared to open it. ",2.1105367765413945,3.1416144087759865,3.7254251522149913,91.7234362096718,75.81293302540416,6.8189236475610615,24.20666246763245,7.229369725052465,0.7674347959969205,1561,48,364,17,33,521,191,433,0.252,0.638,0.11,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,4,48.0,0,0,5,3,19,23,3,6,25,1,36,10,5,4,4,63,59,34,11,16,16,8,3,1,0,3,4,0,2,2,18,17,1,2,4,0,3,9,7,15,0,1,12,8,60,8,73,39,12,59,0,4,4,0,28,27,0,5,23,267,78,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913999464035722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607207744218072,0.06237449768317725,0.06490009033011103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178708128336865,0.0,0.0,0.15470493715363953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997519099516736,0.1953737290601686,0.0,0.0,0.06637004802849833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024964340395778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245491645370368,0.08630264659849476,0.0,0.0,0.08041190109837824,0.0,0.0,0.4047449679756741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981081877599408,0.0,0.08773658398657201,0.06908255117465323,0.0,0.08698772577013532,0.0,0.07055311948475522,0.0,0.07452986427854079,0.07009903953094525,0.0,0.07352901312100228,0.08776876672020162,0.039437832213415416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962615716685072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290759563323638,0.0,0.0,0.05228001736563905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899985348025469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140902787326988,0.0774003906110576,0.0,0.17258514771141115,0.0,0.04286533472484068,0.0,0.0,0.16517598278909454,0.0,0.0,0.110183749533124,0.03810559294434991,0.0,0.13774627758208632,0.0,0.19649453157075264,0.0,0.08514338275404335,0.13262121134038776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663753520487398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269923928866866,0.06225678561466776,0.0,0.05733706816823151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748406150002292,0.0,0.08184515739459616,0.0,0.052853061135543236,0.11864108446289914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445734995725713,0.0,0.0,0.08149068874027499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332187177148098,0.0,0.0,0.23426703155961645,0.0,0.062153834507459725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610747030005984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228882946922961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853165030621065,0.0,0.07351163242910706,0.0,0.058644342682695735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363602201064888,0.04997758859566804,0.0,0.061921228251800624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665798835824275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680391288949074,0.06191071068493514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230437711455406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567830407717677,0.0,0.07948602058157221,0.1108142392407252,0.0,0.0,0.05022777244782271
suicidewatch,Nerdy05,2019/04/03,"Cuts the pain is too much. one more time won't hurt anything. it's not an addiction. you can handle it this time. grab the blade. you'll be okay. it will help. you'll be able to control the pain this way. one cut. drip. drip. drip. ahhhh. the relief. maybe just one more. Drip. Drip. Drip. grab a towel so no one will know. you're making a mess. one more? DRIP. DRIP. DRIP. 

what did you do? no way of hiding this now.. cuts all up your wrist. you promised yourself no more. but the pain is so dull now. the relief is a fix you've been longing for. the buzz in you head. you're not addicted. stop thinking that. it was just this once. you can stop. 

this again. we just cut yesterday. GRAB THE BLADE. one cut. that's all you need. shit. one turned into 12. STOP the bleeding! you idiot what did you do. the feeling is so worth it though. finally. some sort of feeling. much better than the emptiness. 

oh no. people see your cuts. pull down your sleeve. theyre looking. you can't hide this. relaxing. nobodies looking. it's just in your head. pulls on sleeves anyways. 

showers sting on your cuts. wash away the dried blood. makes them heal. but that just makes you want the pain back. GRAB THE FUCKING BLADE. the shower water runs red. the stinging is so comforting. maybe a little too deep this time but it's okay. it will heal. it's just blood. 

you can't stop. you are addicted. you couldn't handle it. cuts everywhere. tender to the touch. everyone knows. but nobody says anything. you're on your own this time. you royally fucked up. 
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suicidewatch,TheEdster718,2019/04/03,Pls help my bf Sam died We were having sex and since he is a masochist He choked himself I thought he would stop but he started turning blue. I am terrified because his dead body is resting on my shoulder. I can feel the presence of his demons leeching on my soul. I want die. ,2.421250000000001,4.341897196428572,2.8958571428571425,94.24914285714287,77.03571428571428,5.194285714285715,30.84285714285714,5.6839178017228535,1.204782857142857,217,11,46,1,5,67,45,56,0.35100000000000003,0.585,0.064,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,3,2,0,0,8,12,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,11,0,3,9,1,4,2,0,1,1,10,2,0,0,2,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824030215646429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323683104850875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6210906202042908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129568992204934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056227364800366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24751962226568525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179095022831876,0.0,0.0,0.2501630830454028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375489326715592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254677329370514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648895362434394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255880252730294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dreadhorizon,2019/04/03,"I'm Losing My Mind I'm angry, very angry.

Today my sister practically told me that I'm useless, that at my age I should be successful and well enough established financially. She then had the fucking gall to tell me that she wouldn't be where I am right now when she got to my age, and that she was disappointed in me.

Yeah? Well did you forget about the last 20 fucking years? The years when Dad was unstable? When we had that violent piece of shit of a brother hanging around making everyone miserable? Did you forget how 16 years ago I took a course I didn't want just so I could finish college ASAP, find a fucking job ASAP, and for the next 12 years slave away to support our fucking family?

Where the hell do you think most of my money went, you inconsiderate, piece of shit bitch?! Don't you remember when Dad wasn't working, and I had to dump NEARLY EVERY SINGLE SHRED OF MONEY I HAVE TOWARDS THE FAMILY? Everything from the tiny house we rented, to the utilities, the groceries, EVERYTHING! I sacrificed my childhood, my personal life, my SOUL just so we can try to land without breaking our fucking feet, and now that we have, now that I actually quit my shitty ass job of 12 years so I can help Dad with his I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT?

FUCK YOU. Fuck you and God, I wish I didn't dote so much on your sorry ungrateful ass. You don't know about how I had to deal with anxiety, depression, frustration, and anger all on my own. You don't know how many times I fought down the times my mind went dark and demanded I blow my brains out. You have no idea how close I was to breaking so many times, during each fucking tragedy that erupted whenever either Dad or that asshole brother of ours decided to go mental.

Yeah, yeah you go enjoy the education I helped secure for you. You enjoy the fucking writing career you now have. Don't fucking tell me you hate it, bitch. I was in a call center for years. YEARS! You go work in one of those for a fucking decade and then tell me how much writing on your fucking laptop while sitting on your bed sucks.

I'm angry, and I'm tired. And nobody knows this, but I have a gun. Really, I do.

I don't want to, but I'm just so worn out. Today was the final straw, and I'm just so tired of being strong, of holding it all in and keeping it together. A bullet to the brain sounds nicer than enduring another moment seeing how much of my life I threw away, apparently for fucking nothing....",3.6904239864864863,5.1806703520833395,4.784876126126129,83.86368243243244,72.5625,7.939189189189191,26.09797297297297,8.524219190627866,1.7447685810810811,1899,63,379,33,37,623,218,480,0.17600000000000002,0.76,0.064,-0.9917,4,0,0,1,0,0,62.0,7,19,0,6,32,39,25,1,22,3,35,24,7,7,2,65,80,36,0,6,9,7,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,1,14,24,0,3,8,0,3,8,11,31,2,1,22,2,71,8,51,52,13,66,2,6,1,15,50,23,21,2,32,256,85,8,0.0,0.0,0.058691772813338615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331394054146978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306612563803553,0.046009920662504436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05354082432281234,0.0,0.0,0.11301435211330035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428097156939064,0.06141364877187697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048020012057835834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200572239389656,0.05180185494840524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214472858695475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067383169953358,0.0574700760880679,0.10810692262870114,0.0,0.11339663689582875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588470519344733,0.05497043713233871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7228268912741415,0.0,0.0,0.10254349713530896,0.0,0.04810257294454712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05937965192180585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062637990752056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939798821566112,0.0,0.06789514499132086,0.0,0.0,0.11936708541530025,0.05345866383763153,0.0,0.0,0.09916054746740208,0.049025307699891635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496283376649713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728564249454927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040146521831337684,0.12195295401080952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606109075533631,0.0,0.12145639251107353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263806537926714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396372244725529,0.0,0.0,0.05770969637709876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040755064756257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05251533565741584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397044338883136,0.0,0.0,0.03852972390620092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813131698853718,0.051362563970409364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792690330092772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234737029043872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732617460631568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825058762830802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770526476262495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853778410969396,0.0,0.0,0.10521117934185993,0.13825313640924122,0.11401877393671417,0.0574700760880679,0.06682208847146744,0.040833761733658915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962501820249833,0.07094886373980216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815318237664856,0.11150800003456372,0.0,0.0,0.06916251948914605,0.05797657560741488,0.0,0.08757095441551617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711149084433746
suicidewatch,SaturnalianGhost,2019/04/03,Too vain to kill myself I want to do it but I’m worried it’s going to upset too many people and I’m worried they’ll think I’m just a fuckhead looking for attention. I really just want to go out and fade away. I’m worried too many people will make a big deal out of it. To be honest I just want to go away without anyone really noticing too much.  ,1.7601754385964874,2.9070353684210564,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,76.89473684210526,6.64561403508772,23.192982456140356,7.1686216300943375,0.8333929824561404,272,8,59,3,6,96,43,76,0.262,0.638,0.1,-0.9403,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,7,4,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,15,17,3,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,13,14,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057459896566113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240275680583965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777886664214074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29400619811230977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078016773825487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448068202462105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510555599142112,0.3496557593503165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267638105342213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632496467773236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909744141514405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093995146335854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049308543489013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305130109728016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622675303744472,0.0,0.0,0.5253659308831546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,charlotteh1993,2019/04/03,"Life is getting too hard I’m worried I won’t make it through the month, how did you get over the suicidal thoughts ?",0.625,3.0402148333333368,1.2966666666666669,100.015,88.16666666666666,4.866666666666667,28.83333333333333,6.42735559955562,1.109683333333333,92,5,21,1,3,28,22,24,0.31,0.69,0.0,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,8,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41518719222694656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559383299381788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806527841596964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652273382796677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171527614484957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346251460965427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31544334225495785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035177574496468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SleepingSaints,2019/04/03,"It did not work, maybe change is in order.  This is a follow up on my last post. Not sure if i was naive or i have a tolerance but 10 bars on alcohol was just a 5hr nap. Not sure how i feel not nausea, yes a little bogged down. I do feel clear and like a weight has been lifted tho. Probably sounds weird, yes. im in the same exact situation as yesterday but feel like i havent fought hard enough to improve my life. When i get down which is most days, i just dive in my phone and numb myself thru mindless scrolling. Not anymore, I'm deleting everything. I need to focus on the world infront of me not some glowing box. I have so many passions and wants of exploration. Its time for focus, thank you to those that reached out and who took the time to read a strangers wall.. I still have hope for us all after all...",2.2325000000000017,3.783030583333337,3.137619047619048,93.94071428571432,76.5,6.466666666666668,22.119047619047624,7.1686216300943375,0.4472333333333332,630,17,144,7,14,200,114,168,0.11,0.7,0.19,0.9409,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,1,7,10,1,0,9,2,13,6,0,1,6,34,25,13,0,4,12,0,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,7,5,3,0,4,3,0,3,7,3,0,0,6,7,17,7,21,19,6,26,0,0,1,1,5,13,0,5,10,94,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583919935260515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245556254525574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395619847419836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214688076085333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796784046517618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628420810107133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637772393718319,0.12422950585140835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085214343571836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577436304026082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172715419229609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783475178975031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174636007546068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282607690929423,0.16991109885037806,0.17428690691648782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630065105660225,0.1746993299295142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893977984193747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665418436755671,0.0,0.18748653601096427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394049463190855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546350858592226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388715230947467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32778501209929817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160097713099734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279732258893585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932020064300759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917239329368453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256685432928984,0.0,0.0,0.2117553586122086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659649290442848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShadowRade,2019/04/03,"DID Boyfriend's Alter is Suicidal Basically the title, my boyfriend has a personality that took the brunt of his bullying from grade school. As a result, he has self loathing issues, major reoccurring depression (it's across the board, being the same brain and all) but it's mainly him. He used to pull out taste buds with a nail clipper, and has what appears to be melonchilia and is apathetic. Any ideas on how I can help him? I'd like the whole be stable, but he's the major hurdle.",3.8808870967741917,5.995372290322582,5.05772849462366,79.5065927419355,73.40860215053762,8.090860215053763,25.603494623655912,8.841846274778883,1.9794526881720433,385,13,73,8,8,127,68,93,0.129,0.773,0.098,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,0,10,2,1,3,1,14,13,7,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,9,8,6,6,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,1,47,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900718387357308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120181367682868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240735795596922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734518032673453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31552522130594457,0.0,0.291728843555549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655120142152832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24405151365948555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828722766882961,0.0,0.0,0.29158291488955346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057312613197783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31053846715815064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414011231452759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120554694908059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Acidsoda101,2019/04/03,My fiancé left last night. She called everything off and said it was because her feelings changed and she couldn’t hide it any more. She won’t change her mind or give me a chance to improve things. I don’t know what to do. I can’t see the light. I don’t know what else I can do but give up and just end it. ,0.7216666666666676,2.168032147058824,1.671176470588236,103.26696078431374,80.47058823529412,5.121568627450982,18.686274509803926,5.46131890053228,-0.7713901960784311,238,5,63,1,6,74,47,68,0.023,0.92,0.058,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,16,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,11,0,4,12,1,6,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,1,3,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394157774685086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379950366308458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115240592058736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789457807531576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910580903114413,0.0,0.2004995149725647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344968717880751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446112073030099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43431571183280104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24881764426269634,0.18452441847123133,0.0,0.0,0.2459552065963485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285724582792266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243596718710656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153328068048039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039017755619655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039233347280506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mesad247,2019/04/03,"I want to die so bad but I don't know how to act on it It seems that my desire to die is insignificant compare to people who already killed themselves. If I wanted to die I would be dead already, but I know that I don't want to live anymore. I don't know how to kill myself, I don't want to live or ever exist again, feels like I am trapped. My only hope in life is to someday own a gun. ",0.9173891625615768,1.9587895402298872,3.2272577996715945,94.06137931034485,78.88505747126436,5.4311986863711015,21.623973727422005,5.288315135182226,-0.1256784893267655,298,8,73,1,7,103,51,87,0.388,0.487,0.125,-0.9897,0,1,0,1,0,4,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,9,1,0,2,1,19,19,7,6,8,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,12,2,11,17,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568769019390951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036158393865088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501159574489333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5034529241273203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626566159491272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175968210464139,0.1155175283199109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606032173709677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577911366048065,0.0,0.2665960026489377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114212519164038,0.07899777930692464,0.0,0.2855656924869741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297908893350525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210146518032414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720435307206298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814961483897295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486606216032608,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tractorkind,2019/04/03,"i don't even know anymore i turned 14 in march, and got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety last year. i've had some type of therapy, but it ended up not helping and i really feel like a year of my life is wasted. my doctor said he knew a therapist who might be right for me but there's a 12 week wait list. i don't know if my mom even signed me up yet, and it stresses me out a lot.
i think about wanting to die every day, and i wouldn't mind if it happened. when i think about all that comes after though, it makes me really sad. my mom loves me more than anyone else and she'd be devastated. just like family and friends, but i can't seem to get the thought off my mind.
even if i did go trough, i have no way to kill myself. i'm afraid of pain, and a 14 y/o isn't really able to do a lot in terms of suicide. school stresses me out too, i don't have to do homework but even tests are too much. i get pissed off by anything happening, and i cried for an hour because i didn't want to go to school.

sorry if this post is all over the place, i just needed to tell this somewhere. ",2.2143857036485457,2.8920703839662463,3.8377761231074716,92.3783767684289,75.11814345991561,7.433010672623483,22.801935964259123,7.724431198458867,0.6748254653760237,839,21,205,11,17,281,137,237,0.247,0.691,0.062,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,0,0,14,11,2,3,9,0,20,7,1,1,2,47,45,19,3,8,11,2,1,2,1,2,5,1,1,0,8,13,0,1,8,0,0,3,9,7,0,0,7,2,28,4,29,33,8,28,0,1,0,1,10,11,1,9,14,131,36,6,0.10864244654926801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311117424273709,0.0,0.10774411388063472,0.07596532468995099,0.11131702526007332,0.08940347657367623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622742703370214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358584784254877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933862607809592,0.07006539025892239,0.0,0.0,0.11026979634197308,0.11275370708790325,0.0,0.12451365608561928,0.11120014761780883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075682339766007,0.0,0.09622496085609257,0.0,0.0,0.2870292452579006,0.0,0.0915359469280559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241842967651632,0.0,0.054932885315581936,0.07761418552258431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393688470472349,0.0,0.11352238854074688,0.0,0.12348801208022445,0.0,0.08689128918181907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214431337265608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282074183748774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699092549671137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201967703891536,0.0,0.11941409475608597,0.08855809425183446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673737293660092,0.10615442328405507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472784593106698,0.09805404969502457,0.0,0.0725196766940596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525246716530865,0.2193958010692348,0.2544814406831043,0.0,0.0,0.07986469877382729,0.08055699751284053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560322299043975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350823327795766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040494322481615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879739962489066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278005574083206,0.10334384553828008,0.0,0.0,0.2199039121025234,0.0,0.09890400301352216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161632422379975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889911091535105,0.0,0.0,0.11883720314228985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495828689372963,0.0,0.12424210591219015,0.1261422540595364,0.0,0.13922738591809675,0.10674065212682583,0.08624996708107745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817178438172997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281602596069754,0.08623531718117185,0.0871464174104685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992434719040256
suicidewatch,MyDoeLaysInSnow,2019/04/03,"I attempted suicide Christmas eve 2017. Nothings got better I was nineteen and decided enough was enough. I missed my dad and i wasn't close to my mum or sister anymore.

I stole my mothers meds . I took 350 ish mg of amitriptyline and around 450mg of dihydrocodeine.

I went unconscious within half an hour. I was listening to Radiohead and nine inch nails. I remember looking at the ceiling. I remember it was around 6pm. My mother told me she'd wake me up in fifteen minutes.

She tried, but i wouldn't wake up no matter what she did apparently. She left me there. She didn't do anything. When i found out the next day that's when i knew. Nobody cared. Nobody would save me.

Now i just need to be brave. I can buy the drugs this time. I know exactly what meds to get. I know exactly how much to take to pass out, to lose my memory, to black out, to die peacefully in my sleep. To stop my breathing, to suppress it.

I have the money, the knowledge, access to ordering variable drugs.

I'm too scared. I'm a coward",0.8282787509520162,3.3281727722772274,2.4528712871287155,91.31457730388426,88.6039603960396,5.879969535415079,22.12566641279513,7.321109707123232,1.0046589489718212,788,29,162,14,26,257,125,202,0.116,0.775,0.11,-0.3111,1,0,2,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,3,9,7,0,1,7,0,14,6,4,1,2,31,31,9,2,3,3,5,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,10,0,2,8,0,2,3,4,3,0,2,13,3,34,4,25,14,3,27,0,2,2,0,12,14,0,1,9,104,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433277804787975,0.0,0.0,0.11976387086270787,0.2591161009580925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871491918859432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838382905191025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385879243744676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104357159801174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375515147381139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007555443947412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957290309374536,0.0,0.0,0.07603664422387406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639857347258503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332381553540796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996575045679987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812547907737262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222137320873315,0.16281775219343458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32331576145942703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698583362757044,0.1079132290707361,0.0,0.0,0.15477937231008085,0.0,0.0,0.13964588425600585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3297282295238724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457070993429262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564127866234972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167475829121085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919295307369674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094250907814185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486331353403588,0.0,0.0,0.13906605124269833,0.16169604448194885,0.09880950902141136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349134915274372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338472249914207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Draco9630,2019/04/03,"That feeling is back. Help me remember why I stay... That pit inside... That whirlpool of black that sucks and sucks and sucks... The bright exit sign glowing brighter and brighter until it overwhelms the stage...

I thought my medication had fixed this, had given me the space to live without waking up wishing I had died the night before. For two years I've lived a good life. I thought I had repaired myself.

Nope.

Last night, I fucked up good. I hurt someone I care for, thoughtlessly and unintentionally. I've apologized, but I can't make it right, I can't fix it. Nothing will ever fix it. I've broken something precious, and now it;'s gone, and the only thought in my head is to end it, because I fucked up, I always fuck it up. I'm at work, trying to do my job, and all I can think about is leaving this all behind, to finally embrace the sweet nothing that I was before my idiot parents thoughtlessly yanked me into this hellhole. I'm here at work at my desk with Reddit in my side-window, desperately trying not to start sobbing, cause I just want to fall in front of a bus.

I have a son. His mother's a narcissistic cunt who will ruin him. He needs me. He NEEDS me.

Help me remember why I didn't pull the trigger two-and-a-half years ago...",2.6422598454177404,4.607194412955464,3.693899521531105,88.57616028708134,76.53036437246962,6.110342289289657,24.99245491350755,6.980632752743323,0.9496493927125508,968,34,198,10,22,312,138,247,0.141,0.696,0.16399999999999998,0.2789,2,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,0,2,6,18,8,1,11,0,16,7,2,3,3,31,38,9,1,4,4,3,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,7,0,0,4,6,12,0,1,11,5,32,6,26,25,2,33,0,4,3,3,11,14,8,0,13,118,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213726976877796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587385808380444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885985353914361,0.0,0.07023820595377896,0.0,0.1960907152311709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747641482542084,0.11836463933674338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958214980120002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205241123236093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042248127921758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058259658954706015,0.0,0.0,0.12621996872928987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195623931653327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328534032071387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825091961423845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446163295112122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233474360960614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433996512686935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939212338683967,0.0,0.12200336434221636,0.0,0.0,0.0813846414708227,0.0,0.0,0.20348611228897012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691151861821145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607395082652808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170871170321794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162559115107032,0.0,0.2211170574629413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763145349142376,0.0,0.0,0.12794029376522295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26104792226144097,0.09839888027374824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762714913956844,0.08870345437530333,0.0,0.0,0.08155465986078125,0.12281122366899752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382954649246086,0.0,0.2744199747454114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645622497630313,0.0,0.22511012435913447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796086691382153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793970155012828,0.0,0.13249950836885802,0.11106980806414872,0.0,0.1677658433086506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483982627153283
suicidewatch,throwawayidkhelpplz,2019/04/03,"At home alone, opiate withdrawals, and my relationship is failing My relationship of six years is on egg shells right now. Nothing is going right. I’m withdrawing from a years long addiction. Pretty much the ultimate recipe for disaster. I’m just lost and I can’t tell anyone what’s going on. My family doesn’t know about my struggles. I have nowhere to go, I’m stuck because my car is being used by my SO for work right now. My mind is just in this loop of wanting to die. I’m struggling guys.",2.8544444444444466,5.001400816326534,3.948503401360544,86.14808390022678,76.55102040816327,7.212698412698412,25.174603174603178,8.167268648758528,1.5779691609977329,392,14,78,7,9,127,67,98,0.218,0.752,0.03,-0.9565,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,2,0,9,2,0,1,0,8,21,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,4,0,1,2,0,9,0,13,18,1,16,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,44,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331262028121764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415677423144113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757714797474945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250508399865488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451724661330487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852057383505405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866972858088412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649884247277044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686721170641857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092413010453863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881094964768327,0.0,0.0,0.18355989451697705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978754894184309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361249746532402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134824516794727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710730142910819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361068813705859,0.0,0.4308076502326216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515820264712123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469739594361229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523101861491075,0.0,0.0,0.09918155335867998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241807451470918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657125460891374
suicidewatch,AndrewGhoul,2019/04/03,"I don't know why I feel this or what I have Basically around a month my mind has like been telling me that I should kill myself, that I have no use, I don't have a future, at the beginning was a bit slow, not many situations like that, maybe once or twice a week, but then my mind got worse, I could focus on all the ways that I could kill myself, and my mind told me to do them, and I said no, and every time I say no, I have a normal life, my mom however is never home, not too much friends but not too little, and I don't have any other problem rather than my family in Venezuela and my future, the voice from my mind is myself, what does this mean? ",9.357785714285717,4.099976349999999,9.152857142857146,79.31214285714287,64.07142857142857,12.62857142857143,33.714285714285715,8.841846274778883,2.3658857142857137,499,8,123,5,5,164,81,140,0.196,0.779,0.025,-0.9779,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,8,0,17,1,0,1,2,29,25,10,2,6,8,1,1,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,5,4,25,3,7,17,3,15,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,11,89,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439864445016967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357436719098774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154952036843286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166422267885494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147753567262708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169572333749895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086199010964533,0.0,0.07018880017558261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724776596123244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102266517305097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924229758336515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30715543340308205,0.0,0.07628883852388463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980488118201658,0.13563554073001316,0.13912863268923942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073615142806434,0.1394578590832762,0.15120972428639848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5606524380485205,0.16257790652982712,0.11080043805236248,0.0,0.10204465596729193,0.0,0.10706232760023164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600877189949895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783295013689984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282676338178032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204441168876865,0.1103908904205854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603335426241433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213300227270072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094387210152525,0.0,0.0,0.1326432376569706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198911892747356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101845171782806,0.11134864739948876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525852727716064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146387116719922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BigDogBarkin1,2019/04/03,"My girlfriend is suicidal and refuses to seek help. We've only been officially together since January, but had spent a lot of time together in the months before. Not too long after we got together, she had some bad days. She was very cold and withdrawn, would barely speak to me or touch me. At first, I didn't understand and took it personally, but after doing my research I've now learned how to cope and support her better, although I don't think it's doing much good. I know that nothing I do or say will make it any better or help her problems go away, so I just try and listen and remind her what she means to me and others and that she isn't a burden or alone, which she isn't. Although I've never dealt with anything like this before, I don't think any less of her for it and I know she can't help it. I'm just terrified that she'll do something drastic and be gone forever. 

Since the first time I saw her this way, every couple weeks, sometimes more often, she'll have another episode. Sometimes it's just me feeling her move away from me while we're sleeping and crying while not letting me touch her when I try and show her that I'm there for her, sometimes she tells me all the things she hates about herself and tells me that she's going to kill herself eventually and that I'll be fine without her. 

She practically lives with me and last night she mentioned something morbid about whether or not you die while you're falling if you jump from high enough. I asked her why and she said that I already knew why, and that she was going to kill herself eventually but just didn't know how. I've pleaded with her to get help for her sake and mine, but she just says that she doesn't want to. That it didn't work for someone she knows, how she knows it won't work for her, and how she doesn't want to be helped anyways. 

Normally when she mentioned suicide, I tried to take it with a grain of salt and just say that it was her depression talking during one of her bad episodes, but last night she was so calm when she was talking about it. She was even the one trying to console me as I got teary while talking about it. She also says that when she decides to do it she plans on breaking up with me and giving me time to move on. Now, I just don't know what to do because I know I don't have the tools or knowledge to help her myself and I can't convince her to get help. She's everything to me and I've never met a person who doesn't like her, she just can't see it for herself. I love her more than anything and would gladly give up anything to see her love herself. 

Now I'm not sure what to do and just need any kind of advice that might help her. I'm afraid to lose her, but I feel like my only option is to stay by her and once she starts to drift away and leaves, to tell her parents or something because even if she hates me I'd rather she hate me than be gone. 

As for myself, I know that it's important to keep my own mental health in check because I can't support her if I can't support myself. While this is sometimes hard because I spend a significant part of my life watching the one I love the most be in school  much pain and worrying how much longer she will be here, I still make sure to make time for myself to have a moment whether it's a gaming session with my friends or a quick workout. I also only have one person I can vent to or discuss the matter with because my other friends and family just don't understand mental illness and would write her off because she ""has nothing to be depressed about"". 

I know this post is long winded, but I'm just looking for any bit of advice I can find. Thanks. ",6.963845868565496,5.236728217623497,6.8448609256786845,83.04526498294024,65.22162883845127,9.550526628096724,32.82157691737131,7.6953281115453125,2.0582816792760723,2861,90,618,23,36,909,274,749,0.106,0.747,0.147,0.9839,1,1,3,0,0,1,55.0,1,2,0,8,42,36,5,1,16,0,62,8,1,8,5,128,124,73,5,12,38,1,5,3,3,9,4,7,0,3,42,38,0,2,21,3,3,11,26,14,0,6,22,19,125,22,78,85,14,63,0,3,5,3,111,13,0,18,38,441,167,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464295028793057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055454268032572834,0.0590858910270871,0.08563643129104735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564395694917046,0.05614437011095569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218366529972894,0.0,0.0500553578577343,0.0,0.15091587318958974,0.0,0.08941212379093462,0.19583542797624648,0.0,0.0911220814417706,0.0,0.0,0.09470863889389446,0.05845494908525616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924416981445959,0.05881433105805784,0.03453072315164391,0.0,0.0922327949349482,0.0,0.055569048133263306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532410001299643,0.0,0.07072912437795006,0.0,0.0451121792102451,0.0,0.048120881172076,0.0,0.05047545482465266,0.0,0.05414577005119329,0.038251038679962206,0.0,0.0,0.048937215284677225,0.09108707967691528,0.0,0.0,0.08273418066293202,0.0,0.055947881767699055,0.10272640400721564,0.0912889446971876,0.04490922097316293,0.08564625244900399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796389670201639,0.15858750418688802,0.0,0.05691356949289285,0.0,0.0,0.28710926941763915,0.0565709843081137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04759136505964439,0.11847451035930068,0.055756662116534864,0.26483186121348506,0.08728917441683327,0.0,0.05669417080077153,0.0,0.05475121458232268,0.03781891416669563,0.07847502857398282,0.0,0.047279337204736115,0.09476751420507798,0.044962527627333104,0.05990077838377731,0.0,0.045520235330687435,0.14497359815184607,0.0,0.10722084911175128,0.0,0.0,0.058323884581545415,0.0,0.0,0.10791724375041023,0.05680052621590025,0.0,0.0,0.04273740985276008,0.11381519943007624,0.1180805156193622,0.039701361382046,0.08259112788487767,0.0,0.0,0.10049271714732463,0.052460646640155664,0.1027516600903292,0.0,0.0,0.057021411564795,0.14512814392335224,0.12216530138858278,0.05697339119598058,0.0,0.0594530233336897,0.05798171300195561,0.0,0.0,0.14025471258089156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127927106049996,0.0,0.0,0.051233297682271146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050931532765624885,0.17031776447259606,0.0,0.05418824529995888,0.08533347403146699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858243455091863,0.0,0.053581540336700165,0.0,0.045366701959020254,0.12365975692766375,0.21182107922758045,0.0,0.03789792060796512,0.05706957778157457,0.042759406994632265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713442390480425,0.18227945097278536,0.10092704700539537,0.0,0.040257576487944965,0.12910719779569388,0.14039649120191108,0.049295083115570425,0.0,0.0,0.035571505213844966,0.06861622122560951,0.0,0.0,0.12488511770819727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594881012393511,0.14540838262082514,0.0,0.0,0.1114800367407358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04417847712280628,0.06316194667834199,0.04249983982781065,0.042948862514546285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966282284058714,0.0,0.0,0.05161341822947441,0.0,0.07795969747520262,0.05437538586840511,0.0,0.11410596081682935,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jesus_Fistikus,2019/04/03,"I just got my mother thousands of €s into debt. Well, what the title says. 

I never wanted to work or do anything besides sleeping. And since im about to turn 18 the youth Office decided that they want their money back because i am not searching for a job. 

I Lack a reason to get up like another redditor said to me. And thats True if im honest. I think i'll just commit suicide once i cant just stay in bed anymore.

My mom is mad af rn. Might even kick me out. I can understand her Frustration though. Calling me a mistake and that the Family wouldnt've gone to shit if i wasnt born. ",0.7622326454033761,2.870557105691063,3.0658536585365863,89.93397748592872,83.63414634146342,5.7358348968105055,22.46966854283928,7.010146845296331,0.7858310193871172,456,16,96,6,13,156,92,123,0.16899999999999998,0.72,0.111,-0.8555,2,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,2,1,8,8,3,0,6,0,7,2,2,1,3,24,16,7,1,6,7,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,4,1,1,4,2,16,4,12,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,4,5,62,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785066018022,0.0,0.0,0.1776651282906232,0.0,0.0,0.14742225410742169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775255267812064,0.0,0.10920600575300088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829285428454394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832453264779046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888331800622766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359661979444248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432797717091827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870177891815576,0.0,0.17777519684457446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752190051083865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004606031119528,0.0,0.2098141428711149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816877691870105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190785109632294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419237493516008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040928654298304,0.1424644378116961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389124407776114,0.1481917846604722,0.0,0.17927581529244233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094626658538735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595712639452634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478980377578026,0.17601046563849262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948598812160767,0.0,0.18649775976893526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133042116860665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107416227414548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304207403985938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShamiSloth,2019/04/03,"My 2019 is playing exactly like 2018 Honestly just thinking of ending my life. My (ex??) boyfriend broke up with me this same time last year even after promising to be more understanding. I guess it's different because he asked for a break, but tbh I don't think he wants to get back together.

Honestly feel worthless as fuck and I'm tired of my internship. I want to cry and break things but I'm holding on to the ""what if the break ends up in us getting back together"". I doubt it but I'm holding on nonetheless. I hate myself so much that I just want to fucking grab a gun and shoot myself in the head. I've already thought of this, and shooting myself seems to be the quickest and least painful way to die. I'll put a huge sheet of plastic on the floor and walls so blood won't spatter and stick to the floors and walls. 

I guess I'm just venting because while my family understands how hard it is for me right now, they're telling me to work on my internship and keep myself busy. My friends are nonexistent. I don't think anyone understands how hopeless I feel right now. I just feel bad for my single mom who, as her only child, will lose the one thing she cares about the most.
",3.0037815126050447,4.787579336134455,3.57789075630252,90.60607983193279,74.96638655462183,7.1129411764705885,26.605882352941176,7.908726449838941,1.4398480672268907,934,35,198,14,20,293,139,238,0.196,0.7,0.104,-0.9847,1,0,0,3,1,1,24.0,1,0,0,2,14,17,3,1,11,0,9,7,2,2,1,43,37,20,1,4,8,2,5,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,10,10,0,3,11,1,0,1,3,10,0,1,1,5,28,7,29,32,6,31,0,4,0,2,12,15,2,6,12,121,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401481720066094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491541878636613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353234277439715,0.0,0.0,0.1867635706409282,0.1013994137777472,0.14806044006692048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381872116709512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339888234758762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603814037737035,0.12688156344803125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512401565178013,0.0,0.0,0.08021162505553474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448517969112075,0.0,0.1842149288805628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382617326280424,0.22454326634345464,0.12689738645770948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26756520778509674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878862511873336,0.11989932517150713,0.12463503985226862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794367281140406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899184517422033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577842832993265,0.059330670578856486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586309228372442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422319867463304,0.0,0.0,0.08927420991493032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229258009176417,0.09236249268797,0.12922338097483874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208325386056075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742246071903755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055668977680597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061460966793395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136199982497945,0.2334463486469531,0.0,0.09641177872789143,0.07081409762050676,0.13958028736966213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792777722134287,0.14608037314415848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488979664169067,0.09639540280386637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841158544404856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820498752935423
suicidewatch,deadinsiderandom,2019/04/03,"Wooooohh intersting fucking title I feel nothing anymore and I hate myself. I'm mad at the world, no one ever cared about me. I'm sad that my life meant nothing to anyone. I'm high af on shrooms but am coming down from the high now... I've realized that I'm less delusional high than I am when I'm sober. At least I can be in touch with my true emotions and not pretend to like anyone else's bullshit when I'm high.

I'm the son of a pill and booze addicted mom and a dad who cared too much about his masculinity to ever reach out to me. I'm a 20 year old loser with asperger's who's resisted killing himself by self-medicating, making fake friends and having fake and meaningless sex/relationships. I try to act tough and apathetic but I'm dying inside and my childhood still fucking hurts me.

 Nothing matters and I make no sense rn and I don't even care. I just want this fucking nightmare to end. Come at me with some surface level bullshit self help idc. Hey, maybe some sadistic troll will see this post and he/she'll tell me to kill myself. I'd be okay with that. Idk why I'm even posting here, desperate but almost hopeless. I'm looking for a way out of this nightmare, and at this point it's either gonna take a miracle or it'll be suicide. At this point I know that I've failed as a man, I'm a weak dying animal whimpering for life. I tried so hard to find good in the world but all I've found is shallow fucking dirtbags who only care about their own little agendas. Either you get tough or everyone will walk on you. I'm not tough. Sober me could never admit any of this but when I'm high I can at least face my demons.",2.345751887369925,4.066701822485207,3.7229728626810874,89.12985207100594,76.63313609467455,6.555560089777598,24.96878188124873,7.372421405659032,1.0656679045092838,1288,45,274,16,29,423,186,338,0.257,0.655,0.08800000000000001,-0.9968,0,0,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,2,1,2,16,28,8,0,11,1,14,11,1,2,5,52,52,24,5,2,12,3,3,1,1,4,5,0,0,2,15,20,1,0,7,1,0,4,6,19,0,1,2,5,28,9,37,42,10,44,1,5,2,4,18,25,4,5,13,152,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369080572620214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605972975479936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844434310036298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523258991477478,0.12018700853049635,0.08805899480537416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504994006938619,0.0,0.0,0.14806496436227368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861867539928945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839100683014086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179454015641333,0.09667456541511883,0.07612019193269992,0.0,0.0,0.113529384917105,0.155481142642015,0.0,0.08212243869305945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043455479081905335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855055466454197,0.0,0.0,0.09423231503510224,0.06639952583105585,0.317812522780837,0.04490179017741347,0.0,0.0,0.07208510325880707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698825255788219,0.08485114613544356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057605935050896825,0.4540187022771601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200400457624168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016689953028404,0.0,0.04723215126009246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140848911502344,0.04198752071706205,0.08613769393973189,0.0,0.0,0.07217066732754332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473554594851562,0.0,0.08634152547187786,0.0,0.09546355333198446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006556715418055,0.0,0.0,0.0631781623523111,0.0,0.06628471673334661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473945394883867,0.0,0.09018296203172853,0.0,0.058237356459186526,0.06536369869713979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248826215005607,0.0,0.16461971369494266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227086500321016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848562671201687,0.0,0.17931506353976745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686343740038459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940079437960468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461861273026784,0.0,0.07511817058321435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669962258065066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069154340326204,0.06821773515735792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755039690529576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534462196415018
suicidewatch,away0x0,2019/04/03,"Just can't think of a title. I'm almost 12 (young fetus) and I cry everyday, I keep getting suicidal thoughts and to be quite honest I'm not entirely sure what I'm gonna do. Can some people share there stories and how they got through it? Thanks.",0.12932773109243811,2.5046888235294134,2.059271708683476,93.27529411764704,92.13725490196079,5.2672268907563025,21.01120448179272,6.868970318607317,0.6327792717086833,194,7,41,3,7,64,43,51,0.17600000000000002,0.667,0.157,-0.2699,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,12,14,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,3,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249316730916259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35643901426276725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953357683931655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595257418475787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28842322855859603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249617624242266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451369804260541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549413709360333,0.0,0.3058296889540704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987484600712438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079212482409203,0.0,0.2576102495637671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwwy34445553223,2019/04/03,"been mentally ill for the past decade, my ex bf took his life and my dog is apparently very sick I literally have nothing left to live for. School was a nightmare, I started and quit college several times, and my anxiety makes the most simple everyday life an endless pit of suffering. somehow I tried to stay alive for the sake of some people... but my mother does not care, my ex boyfriend who was the closest person I ever had in my life took his life earlier this year and now my dog seems to be very sick according to what the vet said. it was a routine check-up, it's a young dog and he has zero symptoms but they claim he's almost gone. I truly hate this world and I don't want to be a part of this insanity anymore. there's tons of internal things (mental illness, and the fcking guilt that I was not there for my ex boyfriend when he decided to end his life) that make me suffer and tons of external factors as well. I love my dog so much and I don't want to be part of a reality where he does not exist. I don't want to hear those fcking vets ever again who claimed to call me back but haven't done so. All that is left of me is anger and pain. It's not fair to be forced to continue to exist like that. I have had many attempts to get better but it only gets worse and worse. ",4.114852941176473,4.37183217537314,5.176145741878845,86.03083845478491,70.52985074626865,8.544688323090433,27.331870061457423,8.4952907291091,1.6232095697980684,1005,31,223,15,17,332,144,268,0.217,0.715,0.068,-0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,13,11,2,1,12,0,22,12,0,2,3,33,39,19,0,3,8,4,0,1,1,0,11,2,0,1,16,11,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,6,1,1,12,2,27,5,26,23,8,24,0,2,0,1,20,6,0,5,15,144,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128451125554482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862093411360846,0.0,0.11176053224578872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665346291445168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996672278539456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507149156423332,0.0,0.11489736382686655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972356740171912,0.1153234024577578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981197536712937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038733690156564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775420585093735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112603672285984,0.0,0.0,0.12701247138935634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448811412393805,0.0,0.397989706056673,0.05505579107372049,0.0,0.09950941179182632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170924784727936,0.0,0.15044604059948258,0.11425235757295085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22713477139698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284184556476996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081313514606344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570761211468714,0.11991260835885248,0.0,0.0,0.2440696717266637,0.10757760177453064,0.07812668786608383,0.09839861537200303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986218835688298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071962334246887,0.0,0.0,0.11405067698981933,0.0,0.10259088519931696,0.0,0.12731028161304828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976422705549624,0.1201150534674477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713050327823553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486779150586348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571181693432683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25041070001918114,0.07651070996163245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596598566143732,0.19940660761712947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013239586181254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22968626935219286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257018018389684
suicidewatch,may_eternity_smile,2019/04/03,"I am tired of living, tired of being alone I have no friends, no girlfriend. The girl I like has a boyfriend, even though she has been giving me signals, which makes me feel worse.

Nobody knows about my depression, nobody cares, nobody would help even if everyone knew.

I feel so sad that my throat aches. I have no purpose or meaning, or it is out of reach.

I wish I was born again without depression, I wish nothing in this life ever happened and I get to start all over again.

I feel like nobody is going to comment on this. That's how low my self-esteem is. Nobody ever truly compliments me and when someone does, it probably was sarcasm or forced. 

I have no talent or will to improve in anything. I am heartbroken by that girl and I feel like nothing will replace her.

I am tired of this planet and everything on it, nothing is satisfying or fun anymore. I just feel heartbroken, tired, alone and cold.

I haven't thought about suicide a lot until the past 2 years. I wish someone can stop me now.

I only want to see her at least one last time.

I will die as I lived.

Alone.",2.257666217430369,4.538168212264154,3.1528032345013486,90.43927672955977,79.14150943396227,5.736208445642407,24.24618149146451,6.868970318607317,0.8784426774483379,839,30,168,9,21,266,121,212,0.26,0.557,0.183,-0.9622,0,3,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,0,14,12,0,0,4,0,22,6,1,2,3,35,43,17,2,6,8,0,5,3,2,4,5,0,0,2,10,6,0,1,9,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,5,7,30,8,21,33,3,23,0,4,1,0,10,8,0,7,17,118,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086103025677266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985030936361896,0.0,0.0,0.08173550003941835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126782290816844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710958823152693,0.0,0.1030830229799074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691943244948368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120562972603128,0.17968917250598868,0.0,0.09490869955146608,0.08926634639806275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25110694918988896,0.14191471085831306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673776799314769,0.0,0.051892887998603365,0.09528099383243116,0.05644833290086364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783221936734445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657503684908109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545860805457592,0.08096262464968695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015574549291262,0.14557462194495407,0.0,0.17541049081361668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444203423083695,0.0,0.0,0.06629979352538037,0.0,0.0,0.10819336548970043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28591325821113245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730476901100232,0.07554066513302031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481635750846744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070884785601884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914866962851169,0.0,0.1036169880083344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683144461769158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030230590872921,0.0,0.0,0.08303962738903263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864474844125847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758569700508198,0.07885246142464812,0.05791684350832221,0.4566350448328999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585840915007667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426543983877189,0.0957451559123555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122002661542732,0.07055718831592232,0.0,0.0,0.06396164290027262
suicidewatch,WeWorkNights,2019/04/03,"Loneliness is the real killer. I've been alone for most of my life (30 years) and I think it's one of the larger variables of depression and suicidal thoughts or action. Being alone or being told I'm not worth the time is one of the reasons I don't have much faith in people anymore. Some of my best friends ghosted me because they don't want to be around me. They've transcended into being ""upstanding citizens"" and I tarnish that reputation.  

All of that, and being unable to pay my outrageously priced rent, is good reason to end it. My family doesn't talk to me, no friends, no job, nothing that brings me joy, and no hope for the future. No one would miss me, or they would at least put on a giant act that they would, despite never returning a text or never wanting to meet up.  

Feeling connection with people is diminishing even further than it already is. My old friends are all about their careers and wealth and it makes me want to leave this planet because it's miserable to be around. Being judged on that scale is the fucking worst. It's impossible to be in a relationship in America without having the potential or drive to amass wealth. Money is safety, potentiality, freedom to do what one desires, but it doesn't bring happiness within an individual.  

I'm tired of being alone and being judged. I have one month until I'm homeless and I know I'm supremely fucked at that point. If I had the means to end my life quickly I would do it without hesitation. Age only comes with more isolation. It's only going to get worse from here.",5.413187919463088,6.42346303691275,6.139120805369128,77.58666778523491,67.95973154362416,8.913020134228189,30.671812080536913,9.120678840339163,2.6104746308724827,1227,47,226,22,20,402,162,298,0.181,0.72,0.099,-0.966,2,4,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,4,1,6,19,3,1,12,0,33,5,0,3,4,49,56,17,2,10,10,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,1,1,17,15,0,0,7,0,7,8,13,7,0,5,4,1,23,12,41,38,9,36,1,3,0,2,12,15,2,9,13,166,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32086700317569883,0.11396004585671292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241522138310072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838628286829317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590379849063546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837457403354164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895720591974253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894554484640796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293158324314146,0.0,0.0,0.06820828219228524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735293902598256,0.0,0.052215971788868026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393564062005003,0.19094128144801886,0.053953854812056834,0.0,0.05869022278732716,0.08661724131645393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993190236791088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256954102036342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247867049902287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675400961697096,0.0,0.0,0.10934709102215863,0.0,0.0,0.14588407207778034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893294190976597,0.0,0.0,0.11249034999586467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242842922322906,0.0,0.0759146881534313,0.0,0.15929502894021622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908950929062917,0.0,0.108363573495755,0.0,0.3498891539314959,0.15708164398569896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318761503634275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762270134518458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381399235470222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175428711603248,0.0,0.21235571704544928,0.0,0.11087239137005096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295965997594624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300380979549463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661706845869522,0.0,0.08198414887591685,0.06021705644720976,0.11869266609171195,0.0,0.0986780731135785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273241415357475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990954999919066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524005949000713,0.29343768991594243,0.0,0.0,0.06650192979575185
suicidewatch,CaptNattyBoh,2019/04/03,"Why? 58 male. Why am I here? Had enough, only thing keeping me alive us a 14 year old dog who is just about done. Feeling like when she is gone, I'm going too. Had a decent life at one time but it all fell apart a couple of years ago lost a great paying job (hated it). Lost my house, wife left (that was a plus). I don't have interest in anything. All I do is work and go home, tend to the dog, then just sit and wait to go to bed, hoping that I won't wake up but always do. Used to drink and 420 but don't anymore. I am so lonely. I have no social skills. Have trouble meeting and talking to people. Feel like I'm an outcast. Would love the touch of a woman (its been 5 years) again but am so awkward and afraid to approach them because of REJECTION. I have been turned down so many times by woman that I just gave up trying. Yes I was married, we met in a bar during my drinking days, thought it was love, then I sobered up. This is a shitty world we live in: murder, rape, war, corrupt government, racism. Just plain old hate everywhere and I'm just sick of it all. Help!!!",0.4890611773759162,2.4180056283185856,2.0784570988841864,97.66240669488263,83.42477876106193,4.638399384378609,18.67564447864563,5.511479884284512,-0.5053968449403614,816,20,191,4,23,265,142,226,0.244,0.627,0.129,-0.9901,1,2,2,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,1,4,13,19,5,2,11,1,25,9,1,1,3,29,49,17,2,2,9,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,2,3,11,9,3,2,3,3,1,6,4,12,0,1,14,3,18,7,21,33,4,31,0,4,0,3,18,11,0,1,15,116,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248313904981216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558528277186356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584392758535062,0.0,0.0,0.10442226704171233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735289874885003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040487923380507,0.0,0.08183559714223915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985576943990595,0.0,0.2486139960419893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111456545632705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832199909067996,0.18130501223149564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634893856613416,0.0,0.0,0.13990016807208394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505614695148849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505381716407072,0.0,0.12728419590574985,0.12603354968443334,0.0,0.14641768135985986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592189144503507,0.1127884800259354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378698006617082,0.0,0.08962839875988186,0.12398718663576418,0.0,0.11204899404067838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770377698555447,0.0,0.2290520806165148,0.0,0.0,0.12864975787020547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663060727053177,0.0,0.08598609612051336,0.09650797393084558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797174684780741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293516069429508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101991923545615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430218381582581,0.0,0.0,0.1007390030012658,0.14798485593462876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615213305122969,0.13802333084145355,0.0,0.0,0.15263685975682706,0.1095949570487544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290026981961628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237973916581288,0.0,0.0,0.09014126733774684,0.0,0.0,0.2451451236783713
suicidewatch,Aidancats545,2019/04/03,Im 11 and already feel like my life is not worth living I hate this world and everything in it I'm going to end my life ,-2.11785714285714,-0.2880584999999982,1.047142857142859,100.0228571428572,98.28571428571428,4.228571428571429,14.142857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.8899571428571424,94,2,24,1,4,33,23,28,0.057,0.754,0.189,0.5903,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667327263173884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943443807343893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867539675318205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803525786152007,0.23741552265232865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886992585132886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328105558193046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35897177134210123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694668475882794,0.16235890202382486,0.0,0.2934521241902443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thefeelsunreal,2019/04/03,"That dark place again Rewind a few years back, I fell into a deep depression, lost my job, friends, family don't understand much as I am the ""black sheep"" of the family. 

I attempted suicide by cutting my wrists but a friend dropped in and well saved me. (Sounds too good to be true I know but used to live in a place where I had an open door policy for friends. Call it good timing or something else).

Anyway, with the help of antidepressants and support I moved, got a new job, and started feeling... Good. Until recently.

I work in the public sector protecting student data in schools across the UK and investigate data breaches etc. I love my job however public sector don't pay too well. I rent a house with my partner and dogs (these guys got me through my previous depression) however now the landlord is rasing the cost per month as well as now asking for a deposit to be put down. Or else we will have to leave.

I have no savings, I barely make ends meet, everything seems to be going wrong and breaking. And it's all at once. I can feel myself falling back into my depression. I've been suffering with headaches from stress of being kicked out and my career suffering from this, I've been taking painkillers (codeine) and keep upping the dose each time to numb myself.

I know this isn't as dire as other people's problems but I've always tried to be a good person and make a difference in the world but it feels the world kicks me each time I stand up.

Ending it seems to be the only thought in my head right now.",3.492727272727272,5.406265518518518,4.101112457912457,86.81922424242426,73.94949494949495,7.310922558922559,25.348013468013463,8.109356740369918,1.497632296296297,1197,40,236,19,25,379,171,297,0.125,0.7,0.175,0.9636,7,0,1,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,0,3,13,26,1,1,21,0,18,5,2,3,2,44,40,22,1,1,6,0,3,0,4,1,2,1,3,3,9,20,0,2,9,0,4,5,4,11,3,0,7,5,28,15,40,26,6,47,0,6,1,1,14,22,0,4,17,152,37,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808809388997004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087197132834718,0.0,0.0,0.14948668742075366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992554452641132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25116319977223645,0.0,0.0,0.10155676800096387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240178165279354,0.0,0.17218655851393158,0.0,0.1084073827517302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873600653618746,0.0,0.18326925547700945,0.0,0.1474467391970623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252971034922261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524287988440986,0.3261180912741069,0.15548472990736414,0.0,0.0,0.09624655702268488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975863697685332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515332827300695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215956645672208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893778528804947,0.0863987662113712,0.0,0.0,0.10684079178196464,0.0,0.0,0.1029242679302128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583230165096471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610889296479972,0.0,0.08772978037678934,0.0,0.12976792552992214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758675292714458,0.10331173306896974,0.07145561560260398,0.0,0.0,0.09387956040333953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351835045401224,0.0,0.07392749574483932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738853460355078,0.08487417908082492,0.20311353600192772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301043798892047,0.0,0.09771617209144758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959765397764218,0.0,0.0,0.08301109376722136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983749369493409,0.0,0.17698048147422688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483185528269895,0.0,0.0,0.0688010015766745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134606069049416,0.0,0.0,0.1063246420182684,0.1103051618012184,0.0,0.0,0.07308479037865911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771685686931111,0.17004009143193616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599466541611823,0.0,0.0,0.10119207149791593,0.0,0.08395244859956671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621923421306516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076516577773895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627655786872277,0.0,0.06259574329953715
suicidewatch,Sh4rkiller,2019/04/03,I always thought i would at least wait till Im 18 im not sure ill be able to ,-5.035499999999999,-4.372699549999998,-1.25,112.93000000000002,119.5,2.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.497,59,1,19,0,4,21,16,20,0.107,0.765,0.127,0.0951,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.3453904846513475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873925518847642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7461619854563886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255264442554085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27420146432165216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453554905591941,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,watermxlon,2019/04/03,"I'm bored & tired of this world. I'm sad and bored.

What's so interesting about this world?

They said they'd keep everything confidential but ended up letting the cat out of the bag without my consent, in front of me and my friends.

Weren't they professionals?

I thought they were.

So I'll just act like the happy, bubbly, good girl as I should be. *It's fine. Nothing's wrong. I couldn't be happier with my life. I have so much to live for, don't I? Why would I want to kill myself? Of course, I don't harm myself anymore.* ***I'm happy.***

​

But sometimes they are actually decent help. Yet, I feel nothing.

""You're not fine. It's okay to cry. You're not alone.""

Just shut it. Don't you think I've heard this all before? You don't care about me. No one does. Everyone just thinks I'm looking for attention. You're just doing your job as you should. You don't care. No one cares. Why should I believe you?

It's only a matter of time. I'll wait. I'll wait until the day when I sleep for the longest time in my life.",-1.2990270788401617,0.5131136168224302,0.7210280373831779,99.66644739995209,106.75700934579443,3.6901988976755336,15.30026359932902,5.716464563530887,-0.7577305056314403,790,21,183,8,39,257,116,214,0.184,0.659,0.157,-0.7532,1,2,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,6,5,0,11,18,1,0,6,1,19,4,1,0,1,29,37,11,1,6,9,0,1,1,1,4,3,2,0,1,8,4,0,3,5,0,0,2,12,6,0,2,5,4,29,12,22,23,2,16,0,1,1,0,16,7,0,0,8,104,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.12402160852158765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162701935865234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754041491404139,0.15442838704702178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260392330235878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814431786288753,0.1431870263257591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887304933727908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960251153613493,0.08196260316843319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121740644248718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256410978944906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214400406845501,0.11422039064462587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426057520524173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981894990782799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659714947358682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705795578461099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851858177568185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611731788049535,0.11296352385953345,0.14060637009409838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299582419427844,0.1795349978911948,0.0620898052380213,0.0,0.11222289021751462,0.0,0.10672367888690952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934258496038574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438927648255884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223908715613864,0.09665775098011292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089179223083345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271818869383069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256953625268408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286841392038193,0.0,0.1008953464618225,0.14821452333054802,0.14607137882135834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496103612148394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935810249088626,0.0,0.0,0.12251032502073132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028116347781852,0.13895307776897958,0.15442838704702178,0.0
suicidewatch,NIHLTinnitusBTW,2019/04/03,"Man, hanging, or dying in general, is unsually hard. Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I swear, calculating the appropriate drop to not make me die by suffocation, **nor** decapitate myself, is what's honestly putting me off from actually doing it lol.

I'm skinny as fuck, borderline anorexic at this point, and I have to jump from a height that's around 2.7+ meters to reliably snap my neck??? Man, sometimes I wish I was not this skinny.

If I *didn't* snap my neck, I would die by asphyxiation, which would hurt, **a lot.**^no^shit^sherlock

Oh, but what happens if the rope broke mid-hanging? A very good chance in becoming a vegetable my whole life? What a good deal! (not)

Even if I do get a good height to jump off, it might lead to decapitation! For fucks sake, I don't want people to see me die from decapitation, yikes.

Guns are a no-go since my country is very strict on those. Zero gun stores in my area.

Pills are not full-proof if you don't take the amount needed to reliably die from OD. Instead of dying, you could be on the floor/ER with excruciating pain, crying your eyes out on why it didn't work.

Falling from a high place? Not only do I need to find a suitable place to jump from (not a lot in my area), I also need to make sure it realiably kills me and *not* just break my bones and make me disabled!

The other methods I read are unreliable AND cause immense pain, which I want to actively avoid as much as possible, thanks.

Jeez, the human body surely knows how to take a beating.",2.458724137931032,4.820698044827591,3.8127586206896567,85.53810344827588,78.89655172413794,7.0344827586206895,23.448275862068968,8.104835398774808,1.3480689655172422,1163,39,236,22,29,381,169,290,0.163,0.685,0.152,-0.5742,0,1,1,2,0,0,68.0,0,3,0,3,6,15,3,1,17,1,20,14,7,7,3,46,39,16,8,13,14,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,14,7,3,1,3,1,1,7,12,8,0,1,3,3,28,7,39,31,4,30,0,2,2,2,7,21,3,7,0,145,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.09146640273110364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495539104847375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343906420479877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351679112996644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041122665827687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962859432370364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483532276326582,0.0,0.1029573773042546,0.0,0.09663092635062187,0.0,0.0,0.5836581002117006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190740431776515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566700067217306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330269479930815,0.04896975846622028,0.0,0.05326859488048698,0.23584739594894746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288462511638768,0.0,0.08396315865357842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903028855559108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003392930264481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369772676627413,0.0,0.05151124331363897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620386808878348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593708186290068,0.0,0.0,0.18769536638925546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994321129474011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890191545834137,0.2084975533906303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712854548785412,0.19946944318305987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649801849016071,0.0,0.1958546094386961,0.0,0.08860460707295664,0.10566584885421786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422396506667698,0.0,0.0,0.09375479419091703,0.0,0.0,0.09636946432150802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469022026168975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962119126344285,0.07753395280127784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270080260498237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667775645499062,0.0,0.14094573268997102,0.0,0.0,0.08629346589973731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546731912455198,0.11056809213750853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457623160250152,0.10464556096246994,0.10778421843911903,0.0,0.0,0.06823614111632671,0.0,0.0,0.13316539522638735,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DangusRangusBoi,2019/04/03,"ALRIGHT BOIS THIS IS it I've been listening to Nine Inch Nails all day and honestly I'm starting to scare myself.  I really don't know what to do anymore. I lost my girlfriend, job and family in the matter of a week. There really is nothing else for me here and I'm a narcissistic sociopath. I am done trying. Free me into the great below please. Advice is appreciated, but not necessary, as I have already made up my mind. Thanks for all of the great reads. I really hope the best for you all. I just can't take this pain anymore. Some say it's because of my lack of religion or my lack of gratitude. However, I have felt like this for a long time. This is ya boi, signing out. Thanks for all the good times, Reddit. ",0.7231570881226048,3.1535809517241367,2.932356321839084,88.38688697318008,87.75862068965517,6.53256704980843,20.469348659003828,7.793537801064563,1.0673371647509575,558,18,116,12,18,189,94,145,0.087,0.631,0.282,0.9871,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,2,3,14,0,1,8,1,12,1,0,1,4,23,24,6,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,5,3,16,12,19,19,8,12,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,7,80,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154455822366671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744247436400663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135089776472865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635279456912413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587574312377634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193656097477527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175174400487238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204006183315845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900627061491958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176378205839738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257444745528127,0.0,0.34852661949235203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699068707159775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685160264713913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686644080885028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722084185821827,0.0,0.0,0.13987941184680802,0.0,0.0,0.17254274732125935,0.0,0.0,0.1495615684296315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595970090986237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166422692712392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818852996747366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350401023906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810422649951558,0.0,0.3037746422246865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569681140910066,0.1582470883218181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187670984779574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884254153434128,0.0,0.0,0.291043499071796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843338084782853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073133510423278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678736333683938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackdrook12,2019/04/03,"I’ve never wanted to die so much then right now at 3 in the morning, can I not wake up tomorrow morning?? I literally have no idea why I survived my first suicidal attempt. But tonight I feel like when I felt when I attempted the first time, I now accept that I’m meant to go out this way. I just fucking hate existence, I don’t want to reincarnate, I don’t want to experience life ever again, I love the idea of nothing more than something. Everyone can go on living, but this is not for me, I like the idea of not existing anymore. I’m so happy I will be nothing again. Come on? I’m sure there are some people who like the idea of nothingness? Is it just me? And why do I sometimes feel like I matter? Just take me back to being nothing please. Using a throw away because fuck whatever this is I’m going through. If I commit suicide I’m a coward? Fuck that, just take me back to nothing please. You brave souls can take on existence. I just don’t want to be here. For the love of God, figure out a way to prevent people like me being born in the future, humanity. I’m out. ",1.3097788697788708,3.3562931801801814,3.3877968877968883,88.74678132678133,81.16216216216216,6.3787059787059786,23.604422604422606,7.520522993642371,1.0908486486486484,834,30,177,13,22,283,115,222,0.142,0.652,0.206,0.8764,0,0,1,0,0,2,29.0,0,1,0,5,18,15,4,0,10,0,17,7,1,1,4,38,45,9,3,5,11,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,10,0,0,5,9,4,0,2,2,3,24,11,27,38,3,37,1,0,0,5,5,12,3,2,23,119,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556612299648153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053613526699048,0.1481942744642858,0.0,0.05874194152875055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300812288975071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000949705530524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716577788037264,0.0,0.09207889945335908,0.0,0.0942614262022482,0.0,0.0,0.09744797531002893,0.13768337838186384,0.09252351477424782,0.0,0.0,0.16393250078494465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672578998737312,0.0,0.0,0.16429580409548689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258012003538472,0.0,0.09513843326925092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351280286768277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806398007607685,0.235390275783964,0.0,0.08509022367297772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394259483797295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083783374516499,0.0,0.07432102436943389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698512820513932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361183079367853,0.0,0.0,0.21155509749444412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229340702891431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418488356239003,0.09530539171941294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108107879495984,0.0,0.09082091154486356,0.0,0.21735876962852824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618999349123791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322662321558527,0.0,0.0,0.22734938720513356,0.15297680089524934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390509373205731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nerdystudent101,2019/04/03,Help... I am thinking suicide right now because my parents won't at least acknowledge on how I am performing good at my Science classes. My others grade are bad but I am really proud of my science grades. Help. My mind is in shambles and I am thinking of killing myself. I am crying as I type this thing so I am almost at my breakage point.,1.2444117647058803,3.7189331470588263,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,85.17647058823529,5.1647058823529415,27.617647058823533,6.6274283507984215,1.4269352941176463,266,13,51,3,8,88,46,68,0.195,0.677,0.129,-0.7319,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,0,8,11,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,14,2,8,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,40,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623486318841514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875361778153976,0.15970879765615387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28778754269240997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974770630884044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35121742287756275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28985697528662435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645387354527993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29091276195843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476685285542816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783973620100065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237410059928596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865783510057989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405683089819274,0.3357496946766945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hhhrrrooo,2019/04/03,"My friends have watch my mental and physical health deteriorate in front of them for the past 4 years and have done nothing but patronize and ridicule me. I've been blatant cries  for help to my circle of ""friends"" about my mental health nose dive but it seems like depression is so normalized and desensitized nowadays among millennials that no one gives a shit. Why do people have to die before they realize something was wrong?",9.542922077922078,9.312428194805198,8.161655844155845,70.83391233766237,59.259740259740255,11.855844155844155,38.730519480519476,11.20814326018867,4.332561038961039,349,15,60,8,4,106,62,77,0.29,0.623,0.086,-0.9749,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,7,2,0,2,0,8,4,2,0,1,10,10,7,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,2,7,3,9,7,0,5,0,1,1,0,6,2,1,1,3,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16686206097846726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540070946884,0.0,0.0,0.16889599106100864,0.0,0.2035152347579603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006728577032847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030044020143145,0.0,0.0,0.18811180800895452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41687877857768063,0.0,0.0,0.13143807643283342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580191611087237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39523446836135306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921310725157944,0.1881580567558433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287877547279836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871944836250259,0.13594730456138154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785171584301591,0.0,0.0,0.20128828825512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096320287804962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694487532975378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143986609192903,0.0,0.12627849275327396
suicidewatch,OneEyeWatching,2019/04/03,"Suicide by acne Anyone know anyone who has overcome suicidal or depressed thoughts over Whitehead’s or any acne? My acne is very minimal but let me tell you... when my chin hits 3 Whitehead’s which happens every few weeks then sits at like 1 for awhile... mentally it beats me up so bad. I have suffered from acne nothing major and a couple people i even made aware my slight acne has made me want to kill myself at times. I don’t think I even have the balls to do it, but i need to fix this problem... it’s truly effecting me in more areas than just my mental, physically I’m changing my diet up a bunch dropping many things I’ve had daily and it’s caused a lot of stress on me where i don’t feel I’m living for anything but trying to win this battle that will never be won. I do have a dermatologist and will be getting another checkup appointment but she usually is months to get in...not sure why I’m even posting this but if you read this thanks for taking your time to",3.8780976310122033,4.839314085427136,5.192767408470927,83.15021356783922,71.46231155778895,7.494759511844939,26.77709978463747,7.7094869923839395,1.492030581478823,769,25,153,9,14,257,130,199,0.16899999999999998,0.7340000000000001,0.097,-0.9556,0,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,3,0,4,7,12,2,1,5,0,17,2,0,4,2,26,35,14,3,4,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,3,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,1,22,5,20,24,5,20,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,4,9,100,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525670466564902,0.1468822406181861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588924725490206,0.0,0.1152708804936196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695788068232682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389697194283574,0.14818217877137327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549917897148888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064753377542413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775572754239998,0.0,0.11802034555690845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082679892390879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636819712538615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386903190535115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497369997495886,0.0,0.07698228510464594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323753314046694,0.0,0.06843421704166881,0.0,0.1236899616088007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908788264299715,0.0,0.2650872119161318,0.0,0.1420154080648887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823279793160614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180758649505652,0.0,0.0,0.10386482035265243,0.10803549754801484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440701206086522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711128674938488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415439902074508,0.0,0.0,0.1340341256471247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011423200149326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045695742965807,0.0,0.0,0.30644152926921503,0.0,0.13202027891516693,0.0,0.10531996395580742,0.0,0.12243288247728895,0.1289634605422675,0.0,0.0,0.09306048634342942,0.08975525325560653,0.0,0.11120495565727068,0.1633592635610182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510263006693546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154274282548201,0.11557763840030738,0.08262064594888863,0.0,0.11236077892889196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639709615738226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stromatolife,2019/04/03,"Hi please help me die How can I die with the least amount of pain? I don’t care about anything anymore. I just want things to end. I feel so empty that it scares me. Also has anyone tried cutting before? How is that? I’m scared of blood so maybe it’s not for me, but I’m curious. ",-1.440291438979962,0.5579246065573784,0.5943169398907102,102.87358834244085,98.01639344262293,3.3668488160291434,13.335154826958108,5.033348758259628,-1.4151981785063752,215,4,53,1,9,70,47,61,0.218,0.632,0.15,-0.5382,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,1,0,4,2,1,2,0,8,9,6,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,6,9,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367303215536446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277783866151902,0.16059586434341724,0.0,0.18900503162800672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543865551608716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341715418933891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476738014919633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342611346910897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161318566614473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394800226618674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307419426013421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443930779313892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521169493779605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598945361628271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258754066367294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593596168203724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546975379927276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ProtonRequiem,2019/04/03,"Swallowed some pills with alcohol. Not sure what to do or feel tbh I don't really feel happy or sad or afraid or anything. It's just weird, like it didn't even happen. Not sure if I should swallow more, wait til morning, or wake up parents to go to the ER. Just so weird",0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,83.73684210526315,5.203508771929825,20.026315789473685,6.42735559955562,0.0039263157894731116,210,6,48,2,6,68,42,57,0.223,0.736,0.041,-0.8453,2,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,4,5,1,0,2,18,9,8,0,2,10,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,2,2,4,6,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,7,2,30,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229361905948012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24866659799279625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958559968275733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055803696424979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173461834885814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672148475717573,0.3216739075250816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762881887585091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355327079012069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358284869260287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5695980369597642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,viprodi,2019/04/03,"Nobody takes me seriously, even you. So I think I must try it to make them believe. I just want to talk about my problems, have a little of more or less professional help. I just wanna talk. But no one seems to take me and my problems seriously. I tried to talk to my mother but she just either laughed or shouted at me, because ""my problems are childish"". It is the only person I have any trust. I tried also write here. I tried several times in past year, but no one even answered. 

​

So I came to thinking that I probably must try to do something serious to anyone take me seriously. It doesn't have to be suicide attempt but just a way to throw my pain and grief. 

​

I know that nobody will answer me and that you all think I am just attention whore, maybe I am, but it is just one more reason to do something more. At least this post let me calm myself for a while.       ",2.462266949152543,4.446092666666671,3.7243749999999984,88.06418961864406,77.13559322033899,6.232909604519775,24.621822033898304,7.1686216300943375,1.0029550847457624,690,24,141,8,16,225,98,177,0.199,0.728,0.073,-0.9737,0,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,1,1,13,13,0,0,4,0,16,2,0,2,3,37,27,14,2,7,14,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,10,0,3,1,1,29,3,18,21,7,12,0,1,0,1,11,4,0,3,4,110,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970728515196631,0.0,0.2430857819059264,0.27261277893570884,0.07628367845161374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843622347724533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838158447081036,0.0,0.0,0.12638418978733515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128299715235479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481826749075419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518935782682905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164911860016267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470778837712695,0.0,0.0,0.112430045381436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748785000378639,0.0,0.1126960936973495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22804053591853984,0.08531507258552468,0.11936341047940575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708489803320492,0.0,0.09794795124549956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743381343800004,0.0,0.12094494144773205,0.3220124875712482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533584035657958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212102054227096,0.0,0.12672720250526665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727174740826686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270258122535856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25302767799307296,0.2704889971060815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156339830165128,0.0,0.0,0.06541085783578962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808014605057537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616444281955575,0.0890402645899346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27261277893570884,0.07223780988844977
suicidewatch,plzfukinkillme,2019/04/03,"Ahhh what's the point? What's the point in not self destructing if I did get my life together and the outcome is the same: me being alone and no one else there to enjoy it with? I could go through with my dreams yet if people I love and care about aren't there, what's the fuckin point? I hate myself, it's the same if loved myself.",-0.2376682316118917,1.9805444507042256,1.2810328638497666,99.92918622848202,90.40845070422534,4.282316118935838,13.522691705790296,5.82211442006289,-1.1356960876369326,260,4,62,2,9,83,46,71,0.097,0.65,0.253,0.9286,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,12,11,6,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,9,4,6,8,2,6,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,3,1,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385727550370348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348568078264556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391544213375408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242756463633287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034817846631833,0.0,0.1309130076218175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22742257798257465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270276148912527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41579908329030396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560908761290842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969543518797305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6532645901639413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403049097075694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SWUNG_0N_AND_BELTED,2019/04/03,"Made up my mind. I hope others out there can be stronger. I've failed numerous times. More than can be counted. It's exhausting, and I've reached my limit.  Be stronger than me.  Don't give in. Find solitude, and afterwards, fortitude in that. Be well, strangers. 

I'm sorry if this dramatic, I don't have any others to talk to than the ones on Reddit, not even my family. Choose wisely, it's very costly. I can only hope my family and friends find some sort of solace.",0.9873550724637674,3.539832445652173,2.4065217391304365,91.46420289855074,88.67391304347824,6.110144927536233,20.71014492753623,7.492282038375204,0.9406710144927528,363,12,74,7,12,117,63,92,0.08900000000000001,0.706,0.206,0.8911,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,0,16,15,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,8,5,11,10,2,7,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,5,2,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229299110933198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791619419982172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222383491287917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093706349857457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302243229405115,0.0,0.0,0.21483227536346666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448637514659669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119059469317304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612463680084965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175362984642407,0.17032329660139067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506925566500042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000171319992747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305864556224603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478136860935326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20135703504898664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,daywalker71,2019/04/03,"I've lost all hope of a happy life I've been struggling with depression for over three years, and anxiety all my life. I tried to reach out to people about it, but I could never have the courage to tell someone. I tried therapy, and all it did was put me in a psych ward for two weeks. I tried finding new hobbies to keep me occupied, but I could never find any joy from them. I tried endulging in old hobbies I used to have, but they seemed pointless and empty. I tried telling someone I trusted about how I felt, and all they did was say a few meaningless words about how it all somehow means something, and I haven't heard from them since. It feels like I've tried everything, and nothing has worked. I don't want to keep suffering this pointless and miserable life if this is really how it's meant to be. I kept telling myself it'll get better over time, but it's been a long time since I've ever felt happiness. If this is how life is supposed to be, then I'm going to end mine. I'm sick of trying to improve it",6.076172248803829,5.120444177033495,6.160669856459331,84.73468899521534,66.55980861244021,9.513875598086123,31.918660287081337,8.575989854853784,2.1807952153110053,799,27,174,10,11,254,111,209,0.158,0.727,0.114,-0.8286,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,3,9,13,0,2,5,0,19,5,0,5,8,45,37,18,0,6,6,0,3,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,11,9,0,3,8,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,12,5,22,8,25,20,6,19,0,4,0,0,9,5,0,5,13,111,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259826946617694,0.0,0.08166864249167886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441769409757796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170473199724228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194945592755192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945548176708472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656761708357704,0.0,0.0,0.09594610779490093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053979434326987666,0.07626706309327227,0.2050064959715828,0.0,0.1951475209315395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05577600995900927,0.0,0.0606723367975353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272891493163613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603356815506666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978065783088108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30162187615379804,0.05215596893611122,0.0,0.0,0.09447638854389404,0.0,0.0,0.11653763353113655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628942739156616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646748161283318,0.10310636083987748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024360071449875,0.0,0.11202327944031197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401170750536573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073200476894645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839112525492744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489727427807853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971873606251344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662061889026978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090934207518855,0.08218658289351115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160536310192486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27993038678396426,0.0,0.12208567888261615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245014708143244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.507365909007969,0.0,0.10428585913651653,0.0,0.0,0.09220357894209184,0.0,0.0,0.06296791327309086,0.0,0.08563384734692425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772020540174743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874786447607648
suicidewatch,DisabledVariable,2019/04/03,"I don't even know I'm not even sure how to tell and title this. I just need some advice. For a few years now I have been suffering from myself. During the day I usually can contain my emotions and pretend everything is fine and dandy but in the evenings it's just non stop torment from my thoughts. I lost all motivation. I lost all hope. Every evening I sit at home , staring into nothingness. Sometimes I talk to myself out loud trying to convince myself that suicide is the way out. Sometimes I cry and shake and feel like im on the border of being insane. I have noone that cares for me. Maybe my family does. It breaks my heart to see my mother be sad because I don't feel happy living anymore. My ""friends"" don't understand. Not everyone knows how I feel but those that do haven't done anything to help. I don't blame them but I wish for someone to be there for me. I am afraid to seek professional support. Is there any other way to just numb down everything and atleast pretend to function? There's so much more I want to tell but I can't even describe it. I just want someone to support me before I break.",2.364851190476191,4.4723044732142885,3.4253571428571448,89.50297619047623,77.92857142857143,6.052380952380951,25.398809523809533,7.07126945348624,1.0845827380952384,878,33,178,10,21,282,129,224,0.17,0.6709999999999999,0.159,-0.4318,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,3,16,17,0,2,5,0,19,2,1,3,3,40,38,13,1,5,10,1,3,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,9,9,0,2,8,2,0,1,9,7,0,0,5,6,32,10,25,30,6,19,0,4,2,0,7,7,0,2,7,125,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413502609785027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942760014720765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158336241308461,0.0,0.0,0.09611595778586128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119983276927479,0.0,0.099387690377901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190847769575456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829866114761646,0.07532595320078797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221194580147633,0.11952634248738167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138360906907753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857245248983832,0.0,0.09840853564095453,0.11160683613852422,0.2099435466341175,0.0,0.11010808349460434,0.0,0.17717186473269572,0.08344151777056524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902389300298344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433513775496885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840785646439888,0.07828817867747118,0.0,0.11715932575565866,0.116008162667377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616339952395034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283797960715125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057062289175882436,0.0,0.10313601386244584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550006942665592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734070052774136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586100127325356,0.08660527832963141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307400315838632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792751247241508,0.0,0.23103519481429574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764953192711523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775959099533796,0.26508515973139885,0.11008205628992468,0.0,0.0,0.09387893689468754,0.2041756550031693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927256803952706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929912860641253,0.0,0.0,0.12159229903001635,0.0,0.0,0.12863804254247613,0.0,0.13778262965040025,0.18541986113941225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343135507202722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521498695122787
suicidewatch,Idolofdust,2019/04/03,"I want to fucking die right now but I have no easy means of suicide. I got prob about 6000 mg but I’m to pussy to swallow large amounts of pills. To pussy to kill myself. I fucking wish an aneurism took me out right now. I shouldn’t even have a reason to want to end my life. I have a supporting friend group,  a loving family, and fun hobbies. Yet I don’t feel what I think I’m supposed to feel. Maybe I am experiencing life to the fullest. But if that’s the case, I don’t want to be alive for any longer. When I open up about this to anyone else they just think that I’m entitled and I want attention. I don’t know what to do. I just want out of this god forsaken world. Even if what’s next is just darkness  ",0.0013725490196065948,2.0484397254901983,1.6481045751634014,99.27647058823533,86.38562091503269,5.168627450980392,18.803921568627448,6.522977012572876,-0.2464745098039213,550,15,136,6,17,178,86,153,0.121,0.633,0.245,0.9528,0,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,0,11,7,3,0,6,0,11,7,0,1,0,28,32,8,3,9,8,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,8,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,3,18,4,21,28,1,14,0,0,0,3,4,7,2,2,6,80,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767048521995598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070869171539344,0.16222878375747085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643225438541926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226520420479546,0.0,0.14023423937464155,0.0,0.0,0.2091522175167015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492603421799376,0.0,0.1601137858690497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232611037013065,0.29274885062895434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663173607228234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751697534698883,0.0,0.08701455734430058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22366768517507954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289987706151866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590647349089726,0.1724688365889244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683867769085676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279060143017532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27042755705373983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318837694298336,0.17967210214076115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290417777922914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591152724558765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669385252055117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207279523571612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhoaMindInAwe,2019/04/03,"all i have I found out some good news today but after that initial burst of excited i remembered i dont have a single person to call or share it with and reality set back in. My life has absolutely no impact on anybody around me. Ive been so sad everyday for such a long time but i gotta keep going, im all i have. ",1.1121739130434811,2.589336086956525,4.115289855072465,86.04076086956526,79.43478260869566,7.498550724637681,21.644927536231886,8.344100000000001,1.1118579710144925,246,7,56,5,6,89,57,69,0.127,0.758,0.114,-0.436,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,2,14,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,3,9,8,4,12,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512706938162524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170400431113704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882183890867408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33080589535231875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094828451522882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041451233662135,0.2367457792087756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048885701781048,0.0,0.0,0.25088510912687234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936814999695976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24979067224932705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24645800645639246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197448583739983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458771641282213,0.0,0.2675488918738012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,samsaysmeow,2019/04/03,"Worthless, hopeless, and unloveable. I feel absolutely worthless. Hotlines don’t do anything for me and I don’t know why I’m even trying to prove to myself it’s worth living anymore. Tired of therapy and medication not making a dent despite 25 years of trial and error. I just wish I could get death over with without pain or survival instinct holding me back. I feel so completely alone and even if a hundred voices told me they understand, I’d still feel my life is pointless. I don’t know why I’m even writing this. I just seriously want to die. Why can’t I just do it? I really want to do it. ",2.2495938375350133,4.586777201680672,3.9447268907563036,84.44353291316528,79.50420168067227,6.3196078431372555,27.56372549019608,7.492282038375204,1.7370162464986003,473,21,90,7,12,158,75,119,0.218,0.701,0.081,-0.9575,0,1,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,0,2,0,9,4,0,1,1,27,23,8,2,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,7,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,1,4,15,0,10,21,0,4,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447088794985371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706430799155214,0.0,0.0,0.13862594816425225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953321289698844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662420235546322,0.0,0.0,0.1344993919854128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483201048914462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337932382469154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555311136920437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801195072298393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515937795882512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898632458888407,0.0,0.0,0.14875082182936086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124465102203761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970293829101546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792503715969782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791801619100637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453016280335084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264552558878867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361680672553044,0.0,0.1609681039207325,0.0,0.11437140246944492,0.0,0.0,0.1753699191143764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987208796109028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560193491623882,0.0,0.19371750278333116,0.1623867599033887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108480934097393
suicidewatch,Aiden_Logannn,2019/04/03,"Someone Please Empathize With Me I don’t want to live anymore. Living hurts too much. Why do people even want to live? It’s a lot of pain. to be honest, I’m a bit tired of having to explain all the time, everything that makes me have suicidal feelings. I wish there was an easier way to do so. 

​

To be honest, I asked my crush and he told me he was straight and honestly that reminded me of how alone I am; how I have no one to hug me and be genuine about it, how I don’t have anyone in my real life, to listen to my genuine thoughts and feelings and be there for me, how I don’t have anyone to be emotionally intimate with and to just hold. To be honest that was the first time I ever told a guy, I was interested in him. It was a really big leap for me and I’m proud of it. And that reminded me of all of the pain in my life, that makes me have really suicidal feelings. My parents are really homophobic and they might kick me out and hurl a lot of hurtful words at me if they found out, it really doesn’t help that they think mental health is bullshit. 

​

 To be honest, sometimes I think about me, not being able to go on anymore and have killed myself. Maybe then, my parents wouldn’t see mental health seriously. Maybe they would see that, I’m not just “ungrateful.” Maybe they would wish that they weren't such pricks to gay people. Maybe they would wish they would have taken those words back and regretted them and see it as serious. 

​

But that’s not the reason why I want to die. I genuinely just want to stop living, I want to stop hurting. If someone gave me a button that instantly kills myself when I press it, I would do it.  So here I am. I’ve been crying for the past day. I’ve got assessments that I need to doing right now… I don’t want to live anymore. And I want to stop having to constantly live a lie at home. It really was a mistake that I was born. This is cruel honestly. It’s cruel to have me live. It’s torture. And it’s not like I can get help from a mental health professional. I don’t have a job. I don’t have money. and my parents probably have my medical card or something like that. How the fuck can I get it without explaining why I want it? so yeah, getting help in real life, isn’t really an option for me. 

​

So I’m here. I wish I could just be dead. The only thing keeping me here is the people in my life, that I care about, that would be hurt if I did it. That’s it. somehow, I wish I didn’t have that. So I wouldn’t have to live with this torture. So I could just feel a bit freer, to just end it. there are days where I feel ok enough to keep going, but recently, it hasn’t been one of them. I don’t want to struggle anymore. ",1.8122297003907943,3.4591805283687966,3.502525691127513,90.45214285714287,77.93617021276594,6.802663192936747,21.97119698943407,7.6729893032291185,0.7680522217397594,2094,59,466,31,49,698,203,564,0.124,0.768,0.108,-0.9415,4,1,1,0,0,4,82.0,0,0,10,2,34,33,8,1,21,2,71,15,1,8,3,102,122,36,6,30,17,3,6,2,0,9,11,1,1,1,39,21,0,6,12,0,1,2,20,19,0,3,19,10,73,14,58,82,8,34,0,5,3,3,27,14,2,9,19,330,112,2,0.04861523945630754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035072648763809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069836655870686,0.2362913485701623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285301694450907,0.06798581157693934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544868631671837,0.0,0.0,0.03738211830225701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615050049932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956647666157001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253580297204241,0.0,0.07763062569564713,0.0,0.053401557746975005,0.06270561522180854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504549431991939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054685600956005616,0.04305867239073401,0.050232538031029485,0.0,0.032109907159648,0.04397526736321542,0.0,0.0,0.04369224249459306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290662896807203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041352097846428605,0.0,0.053304100774000614,0.0,0.044944005501824286,0.07619836828772487,0.0,0.055258321843304974,0.0,0.038882048079852086,0.0,0.0,0.04813673033880373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502717857290654,0.0,0.0,0.09775731072688933,0.0,0.048765049019014614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817447728910202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04824312370587698,0.08642291712818104,0.1075711190228694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373535254057094,0.047501900695509865,0.0,0.34342517689916136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266187617667578,0.0,0.0,0.0649020996812128,0.0,0.19536216946466847,0.0,0.0,0.048974739169639264,0.14697818083682068,0.051573086460555716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035737794741530916,0.03604758405538962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588588885576042,0.0369740802931126,0.10346008482149767,0.0,0.16194441057157832,0.0,0.0464087469900515,0.10111105742848664,0.0,0.0,0.05336493404061109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241545064210585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066957146337253,0.1868650035603748,0.049984563017781834,0.048001683976915385,0.0,0.0,0.041517148866531135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622015483121917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238306925782876,0.03742638645917123,0.048081714910742264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193355109538805,0.0,0.050823203779878194,0.0,0.10635436278508972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0322978048997756,0.0623013648925381,0.0,0.03859506975336496,0.056695874160744834,0.0558760661643967,0.0,0.09290788932163854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25807075027876675,0.03858851422728336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160307597761264,0.0,0.27952563069763275,0.046863355997014834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720922762239424,0.0,0.2362913485701623,0.0
suicidewatch,johnathan-nitro,2019/04/03,Ex Girlfriend Troubles Ever since my ex gf broke up with me in February I’ve been contemplating suicide. She was the only thing I cared about and now she’s already living with another guy. I have tried to move on but I just want to be with her again. I don’t know what to do and all I want is for the pain to end. If anyone can give me advice I really could use it. This is the worst my depression and anxiety has ever reached.,1.1016666666666666,3.1265800555555563,3.1255555555555574,90.465,81.77777777777777,6.666666666666668,21.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.8394444444444438,335,10,74,6,9,113,67,90,0.238,0.698,0.064,-0.9659,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,1,3,17,17,5,1,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,13,1,12,13,2,9,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,1,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844990248128226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353994834573495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368039972687168,0.16318613742436358,0.0,0.0,0.1491554899481407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748985383789365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031544879788646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372873716638288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893463880145508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859130249103758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463212131000766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121635328454896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723288146765372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883619145406227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267211231794129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622364117918905,0.2269832378799029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665567620515529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764571793215515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333330546680298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171765556181254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448275449701649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842365128794128,0.0,0.0,0.2516385784116583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShittyBuzzfeed2,2019/04/03,"I'm probably going to fail econ due to laziness and an inability to focus and I feel like the only way out is to kill myself Was given ritalin as a child, depressed the fuck out of me and permanently warped my brain. Was given ritalin again 2 years ago because I couldn't focus for shit and was lazy. Permanently fucked me up once again. I feel like I either do well in my classes but am suicidal because of the ritalin, or I fail my classes and am suicidal due to that. There is no middle ground and other drugs don't help for shit. My only accomplishments in life are from ritalin. Got a full ride to college but if I dont take ritalin i wont be able to keep up in the honors college or keep my scholarship and will kill myself. If I do take it I will kill myself because it depresses me. What a waste of money.",3.6068363273453095,4.641933311377247,5.59438622754491,79.74072105788423,72.17365269461078,8.91996007984032,27.689121756487022,9.2995712137729,2.334381636726546,641,23,129,14,12,223,89,167,0.29600000000000004,0.628,0.076,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,4,4,15,7,0,8,0,17,12,3,0,0,21,30,14,5,3,7,0,2,2,0,3,7,0,0,1,5,9,0,2,2,0,3,2,5,11,1,0,6,2,20,4,21,19,2,19,0,4,0,2,2,10,4,4,8,91,25,9,0.13695780662655416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140483201325113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504646231694361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289020686134966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359231163224223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051352935780233,0.0,0.15882757446095966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849996430406855,0.19568536883894802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532305706351101,0.0,0.0,0.07783627769976299,0.0,0.10953766929299473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179993083511856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24346878272155556,0.4545705631351583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673734914386987,0.1338213326234133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585559423801492,0.0,0.2083251669892492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476636798166348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811704407311841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996192225958654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20595045194766085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871073203899673,0.0,0.0,0.1231415161286214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819633712942697
suicidewatch,Faith_In_Love,2019/04/03,"called police on suicidal gf? 
Sorry if formating is weird, i am on mobile. 
(Sorry if it doesn’t belong, idk where to put it :(   )


Well, I didn’t call them but i told her sister and then sister to her mother, because i felt like it shouldn’t be my decision. So her mom called them and I just tried my best to describe my girlfriends location. Let’s back track a bit, I love my girlfriend to death and i’d do anything for her. I’ve always felt like i was not enough but i was always patient and always trying to better myself for us. Over the past month the suicidal tendencies have been mild at the start, i thought i could handle her and just help her through it.. i’ve woken up to her when i visit and she had a sheet tied in a noose she perfected by looking it up. I’ve constantly been afraid to sleep because i don’t know if she’ll be there the next day. I took her knife one day, she probably knows i took it but i still deny it.  Today i’ve had enough of the constant worrying and when i heard her say she took “ 2 of the doctors meds with 2 other sleeping pills & took some bleach” .. that was the craziest thing i’ve just ever had to read from you. Telling me your stomach kept hurting afterwards & i wasn’t going to let you hurt yourself anymore. Hate me or not, want me in your life or not, i still love you and am here for you in open arms anytime you decide to take you back so we can continue our journey. I’ve known you needed help and you said so yourself. I just hope this is what you really needed to wake up and see how beautiful life can be. You tried to leave your place but they eventually found you and you went off on me. Talking to the police or whoever he was, was the saddest thing I had to do I was crying and could barley say a sentence because i dont know what i’ve done.  I understand your scared baby, but please do this for me and our future. I’m sorry I might have put you in a mental hospital.

Sorry if my writing sucks guys! I’m also sorry it turned into a vent session but I got to work in 4hours so i need to sleep any opinions would be greatly appreciated or any helpful tips to get her from hating me for helping?.



TLDR; Told gf family she was suicidal, cops were called & i now feel bad from what i’ve done at the same time I’m relieved. 
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suicidewatch,Diovania,2019/04/03,"Thinking about suicide is the only thing that makes me feel at peace. 21 years of suffering, all because I was born with imbalanced chemicals in my brain. Could all be gone in an instant, rather than continuing to fight a losing battle. ",6.438759689922483,7.978963418604652,6.1906976744186055,76.20759689922484,65.97674418604653,9.454263565891472,32.93798449612403,9.725611199111238,3.301068217054264,189,8,32,4,3,59,41,43,0.28600000000000003,0.649,0.065,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,1,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,2,8,8,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,8,4,2,7,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640210095912586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146054274427635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29653282058295777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779108904329767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155017980756509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479125024146939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824665708804716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062515134376171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674177490509525,0.23797823722536704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391695374419441
suicidewatch,Throwaway11220495,2019/04/03,"I just want to die I don’t think I’ll ever be happy. I’m so pissed off and angry all the time. I feel like I can’t escape my own mind. I just want this pain to end. I want to die and be forgotten. I hate myself. Nothing brings me joy. I try to get more hours at work because that’s the only thing that keeps me from thinking about anything else. I’m sorry for ranting but I don’t know where to turn. I’m not in crisis where I’m for sure going to kill myself, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. I just want the pain to end ",-0.8398653846153863,0.936401974999999,1.5800000000000018,100.17576923076923,87.58333333333334,4.0256410256410255,15.064102564102562,4.713530739802397,-1.220532051282051,407,7,103,1,13,138,70,120,0.261,0.602,0.13699999999999998,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,3,0,3,0,6,3,1,0,3,24,25,5,3,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,5,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,0,1,16,4,15,23,3,13,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,7,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158530383696224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747446567570996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33190500804918555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335771788719778,0.0,0.2832505221542324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464005449902367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808509991100296,0.11423365819148325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354193014027675,0.0,0.09087570311881572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021811212190613,0.0,0.1578696193350297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574707604091962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212779356335345,0.17690731007361327,0.0,0.0878776784924375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781197922988976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145492463292632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342979462038672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161229048309415,0.3402929238259177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899662952519976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368480764446725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507052643243607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623144647006867,0.3073752595632216,0.0,0.0,0.09323984617020767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856261719753754,0.17392690697001756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772561727241201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116410190957232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jessy_Bee,2019/04/03,"13 years I have 13 years till my son is 18, I've started  building his credit so he'll be well off and hes the beneficiary for all of my money. Just need to ride the waves for 13 years and he'll be legally able to take care of himself ",1.4578301886792455,2.2683207735849082,3.603915094339623,92.82398584905664,77.11320754716981,6.054716981132076,22.683962264150942,5.985473137389443,0.090966037735849,183,5,46,1,4,63,38,53,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.8925,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,11,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,8,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,26,6,2,0.3492942705325808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561287880507805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589972757082774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472322824907047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626258212321791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140574977643028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6748021744814325
suicidewatch,prettylame00,2019/04/03,"Second post in about ten minutes 1. You really never get used to the constant stinging of cuts on your stomach
2. I wish i could eat without having to think of how everything will feel when I throw it back up
3. Nightmares dont get easier to deal with
4. It sucks to know that these feelings arent unique at all, thousands of other people are suffering the same way, or even worse all over 
5. I dont have a gun, but i do have a garage and a car. I dont even know why making this post would make a difference, i think im hoping to be told a reason to live. So part of me wants to live, but i dont know how strong that part really is",3.9441058394160606,3.458677014598538,5.30042883211679,87.56261405109491,70.82481751824818,8.601824817518247,25.15419708029197,8.07648339933343,1.1322416058394156,489,11,115,6,8,165,91,137,0.098,0.847,0.055,-0.5575,1,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,8,5,2,0,7,0,15,2,1,6,3,28,32,8,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,8,0,0,2,7,3,0,3,1,2,11,2,19,27,5,14,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,2,4,79,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968486077459913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610837495939393,0.0,0.1005616904355533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298500352956575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159207361913194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5904549214008101,0.0,0.0,0.12887940085335411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637900389273486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319671134436725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736930317394254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160848406205108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250978438116513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604878213309055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076582626807088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243422629688436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681466508423493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097141239261173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27278549644443945,0.0,0.08731862170477611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412526413815277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137497688905564,0.12949868966552536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140873563478594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035165659507414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087812955658034,0.0,0.0,0.07428921158498547,0.09997410654155274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365126128367957,0.0,0.14483752870019334,0.12141234870420944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835491310423291,0.08947203510998578,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notmyusername92,2019/04/03,"I feel stuck I've been dealing with depression for years. I've browsed this sub countless times but never posted. I've been trying hard to get better but this past year has been the worst for me. I've tried so many different meds, i go to therapy every week, i've even tried getting out of the house here and there. But it all just feels so empty to me, i'm just going through the motions but I'm not invested. None of the medicine has worked out for me, I'm unable to keep a job. Most days now I just lay in bed not doing a damn thing. I recently relapsed on cutting after over 6 months of going without. I just want to keep cutting I don't know how to stop. I always hoped I would come out of this someday but I'm starting to realize I gave up a long time ago. I feel like I'll never get better and never get to live the life I want. I just want it to be over, I'm tired of fighting it. I'm too weak and afraid to end it so I just sit here waiting hoping I'll get cancer or something. The worst part is I have a family that loves me and friends that care but my brain just doesn't care. I constantly fantasize about how to end it once and for all but can never bring myself to do it. I know many people at this point would decide to get help and get hospitalized but I had a very terrible experience when I was hospitalized against my will and don't want to ever go back to that. I told myself after I got out of there I'd rather die than go back to that. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm not even sure I even want to get better at this point. I just want to vent, I can't talk like this to anyone else or I'll end up hospitalized. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.",1.4171205062846075,2.8322144986376045,3.142083150215349,93.62143447305971,78.40054495912807,6.261369429550848,20.558055726465675,6.968188349444268,0.18462299375933888,1319,32,313,14,31,439,170,367,0.159,0.706,0.135,-0.4201,2,0,1,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,28,23,4,1,11,0,22,6,1,3,8,71,71,24,1,12,24,0,4,2,1,3,4,0,1,0,21,13,0,4,8,1,1,8,14,10,0,0,10,4,32,13,52,57,7,55,0,1,0,1,8,17,1,6,30,197,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245489750644303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801171185342159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057152394105942736,0.08374919115176888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570137845939944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686913898934207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124549726874837,0.0,0.0,0.1666725890533287,0.0,0.0,0.07040916734663387,0.0,0.08832863347471707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271358759550372,0.08426723320832365,0.07039993766753858,0.0,0.08483007649470801,0.08539774310250901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828075519714942,0.0,0.2171840997766634,0.0,0.0,0.16195950532560094,0.07393577433174874,0.06886692757577265,0.0,0.0,0.07995444663435403,0.07705434657818769,0.0,0.12398601297683935,0.05839291199377029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314978490842976,0.0,0.3416335711699784,0.0,0.2322650354807875,0.0,0.06537252653051177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322027572721325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478657207837568,0.0,0.0,0.1623665200295468,0.0,0.09431349609972853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111133646818951,0.1453031597307702,0.0,0.0,0.13476151322644905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773324340582305,0.07986511556926111,0.0,0.0721752473081516,0.0723346516567189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377081207414445,0.0773415030186002,0.0,0.16573692909808627,0.0,0.0,0.09079135406550792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524167443539801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521623792963445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704721184493909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851317980928056,0.07802719233370413,0.056666127520658686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180358616630406,0.0,0.07828142883108304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175909519709937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070540298817717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292511744028133,0.0,0.0,0.05785385231818721,0.0,0.0,0.0683357718843454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703613257258342,0.0,0.0,0.06569708517567235,0.0,0.0752524258014721,0.09347335551617914,0.0,0.05430241491784878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532297604622343,0.09394462992924084,0.0,0.0781031833392529,0.0,0.16648212406547472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744156539733916,0.2892635170983503,0.0,0.06556447185728864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879152808339729,0.0,0.059505492018379874,0.0,0.0,0.11612720521899825,0.0,0.0,0.10527186539756243
suicidewatch,stonethemonk,2019/04/03,"Lost my job today Drank too fucking much, argued with the boss, thrn i slept through half of my shift.

Ive lost control of my life. I dont see how it could ever get better.",1.6672072072072088,2.935907972972977,2.933513513513514,95.99774774774777,77.37837837837839,4.933333333333334,20.44144144144144,3.1291,-0.5009747747747748,133,3,31,0,3,43,31,37,0.188,0.738,0.07400000000000001,-0.539,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,2,0,1,0,3,4,1,3,1,6,10,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,1,6,1,4,5,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,19,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233705962912486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963767039289016,0.2109805988862063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30969679505409303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390275271217467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24429310242314656,0.1380587212966161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622254565230943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664624167040056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5769160138943774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194252751922964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105715164963401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504762928887431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DanAndTim,2019/04/04,"Buying a car tomorrow. If I don't feel any better after that I'm gonna park it in my barn with the doors shut and let it run I always heard that was a nice way to go, and I'm a coward so I'll take the easiest I can get. I noticed a week or so ago that buying this car is basically all I'm living for right now. working 2 jobs as well as finishing up highschool, I got hope for the future but it never pans out. so I figure I'm gonna cut my losses (which are quite numerous, and rising daily) and end it if I don't get this last win. 

that being said, I've claimed I will do it before. and then didn't. I'd say it's 50/50 this time. again, because I'm a coward. imagine how nice it would be to finally be gone tho. but hey! if this account goes dead then if someone could please add me to that neat list r/deadredditors that would be dope. I always loved that list.",0.9867604712041887,2.2539820575916245,3.2750490837696336,92.8440919502618,79.20942408376963,6.240968586387434,19.79090314136125,6.9077264865688965,0.10943167539267053,667,15,160,7,16,230,118,191,0.102,0.75,0.14800000000000002,0.8376,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,5,8,10,1,0,8,0,17,1,0,1,2,25,35,21,1,8,7,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,19,8,0,0,3,0,3,6,4,2,1,0,6,4,12,8,12,18,1,27,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,6,15,92,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503291127542716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098250413506564,0.0,0.0,0.12660538953078618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349055675324685,0.0,0.15842121921773425,0.0,0.0,0.1646566650654347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486455945461668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489579725873982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413567788697393,0.0,0.0,0.20394562090454155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945375149919601,0.0,0.1058075473489591,0.0,0.14890116116444832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849137906223196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474996798657656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175747982074936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037655923885155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439594278949862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803021331533685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358964335610866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196148036294227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043642512810095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802003755147105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899243943549132,0.17709506608481815,0.14805383873627675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774547996532046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998043611518954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856014423971233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477770554743675,0.14933836137000905,0.0,0.1673936907499547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553762302674782,0.0,0.0,0.2645067678670863,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrashing_throwaway,2019/04/04,"I’m tired of all the therapy, meds, ketamine infusions, hospitalizations. I have orthostatic intolerance, moderate autism, ADD, chronic migraine, chronic fatigue, unspecified connective tissue disorder. For months I can’t stop watching the same tv show on a loop. I’m dead inside. This isn’t a phase in my life; this is my life. I can hardly think straight or concentrate. I’m not feeling connections with the people I like or love. Nothing feels funny. 

I force myself to do things and it’s just emptiness or discomfort or literal pain and delirium. I try to be positive. 

For all the therapy and comping skills that I use, life is becoming more exhausting and unmanageable. 

I’m tired of all of the energy & planning that goes into existing & managing my health. 

I’m tired of this cultural notion of, “You should reach out for help.” 

What help? A hotline? A 72 hour visit to a psychiatric hospital? A friend or family member who is too exhausted from working and managing their own life? A home health agency for less than 3 weeks? An occupational therapist for 5 sessions? 

What about 16 years worth of talk therapy? What about 16 years worth of trying MANY psychotropic meds and suffering through the side effects for no positive effect? What about ketamine infusions? What about 27 years of undiagnosed and unmanaged moderate autism? What about the total mind-fucked journey I had to go through to even get evaluated for ASD? What about the lack of IRL adult autism supports in my community—or the few resources available in a 100 mile radius? What about my ADD and the gold-standard ADD meds that my body cannot tolerate no matter how I take them? What about all the effort I have to expend managing my executive dysfunction? 

What about my completely disabled dominant (childhood accident) hand? What about the neuropathy and joint pain in my other hand due to hypermobile joints and spinal stenosis? What about my autism/sensory processing disorder that exacerbates the effects of the neuropathy? 

What about the diagnosed chronic illness that I have to manage daily? What about the undiagnosed chronic illness? What about all the specialists not concerned by spinal degeneration, 2 prolapses, 1 hernia, chronic fatigue, migraine, knee issues, and joint hypermobility originating in childhood or adolescence? What about the rheumatologist who says I have a connective tissue disorder but doesn’t care because it’s not autoimmune or Marfan’s? 

Years worth of physically and emotionally exhausting appointments and tests were predicated upon a small hope that I could be given an answer, perspective, or tools to make my life more manageable. 

What about my case manager who will connect me to services for which I’ll soon surpass the income cap, but will not be able to afford out of pocket? What about the energy I have expended getting to know her anyways?

What about my family who refuses to acknowledge that I’m disabled and struggling to function like an able-bodied neurotypical person? What about doctors and a society that doesn’t see me as chronically ill? What about a society that doesn’t readily materially support disabled people? What about the guilt or backlash I have to face when I need to respectfully say that that support is not accessible to me, or that I need help but not that kind of help. What about the hoops I have to jump through in order to be a “good disabled person” so that I can continue accessing other supports?
",6.98133540372671,9.23768215448505,7.115906398959992,67.35439693774377,65.49501661129568,11.148403871154123,36.17665751841688,11.075328022314027,4.854600924454717,2795,139,426,89,46,898,288,602,0.098,0.7909999999999999,0.111,0.9433,2,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,1,2,7,30,24,0,3,38,0,30,38,7,7,6,71,57,32,1,6,20,0,5,2,1,3,30,2,1,3,50,22,0,2,9,2,3,4,14,11,0,0,3,9,40,13,81,46,13,35,0,3,2,1,23,15,0,11,17,296,90,11,0.07885451438566699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708776667836041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806898006836135,0.08708861585441502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751791780094012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039743279408018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267745806345349,0.0,0.0,0.0629589132867215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003567222696416,0.0,0.0,0.2711223153621519,0.08071093682560189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870071515640156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520826630570958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486740365814911,0.0,0.07974242357289654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092280220728595,0.07289972790483258,0.08239645833290482,0.0,0.04481483772837168,0.06613942543960262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706381562844641,0.0,0.0,0.1676373227772656,0.0,0.0,0.21141807524354975,0.0,0.07909750733293433,0.07832032523300779,0.07765581263756155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230362597262321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211484227306895,0.04333637888265426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278486377578187,0.07704866526692836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116927791885518,0.0,0.052636000667771896,0.07994610088163445,0.0,0.0,0.2627687670141018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962058063430767,0.0,0.0629409210666895,0.0,0.0,0.1169392465100966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756630332710611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781352592598664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933558313143504,0.1377054408023123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541654965587906,0.0,0.0,0.06283683863698272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592590489783992,0.0,0.082435859586538,0.0,0.0,0.3579326738263289,0.0,0.0,0.05928878125262235,0.06338027170728218,0.0,0.0,0.2705310283172476,0.09155616891292467,0.05238743549507263,0.05052678881259666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718949929559529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707407824320073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068104982375309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325233500919747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057407025625499215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311888767024466
suicidewatch,bless1,2019/04/04,How would I end it? I am stuck alone with my thoughts every night. I fantasize about different ways of killing myself. Is it better so run the knife along my neck or should I shove it straight up through my neck. A more painless and probably less gruesome way would be to just put a bullet between my eyes. Either way I feel like it's the best thing to do and I get some sort of relief from knowing I can do it at anytime.,1.9271551724137943,3.848994172413797,2.756997126436783,94.66584051724138,78.54022988505747,5.729310344827588,24.66810344827586,6.6274283507984215,0.6557137931034482,331,12,73,3,8,104,65,87,0.09,0.73,0.18,0.8126,1,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,4,0,9,3,3,1,0,16,14,5,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,12,4,12,8,5,10,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066803822260365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372815033746666,0.19697542417795072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326922597172719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726149316393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764899885183772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261259952457345,0.15910934118003633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636063902678262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464037832751781,0.0,0.12239964779842115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880846225692843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090051743755467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401270054194093,0.0,0.0,0.22389248242583848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796353130985598,0.0,0.0,0.17681272239952658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303480701664468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31642407416579804,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BayoNX19,2019/04/04,"Does it get better soon? High school is so damn hard. It feels like all I do is work, learn so much useless crap, constantly get tested, etc. Does life actually get easier when you hit college? Is it worth living? I'm so sick of people expecting me to be super smart and continue taking all honor's and ap shit, it's just too much stress and I'm hitting my limit",1.2712162162162173,3.5664857837837864,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,83.05405405405406,6.402702702702705,18.70945945945946,7.6454224807358475,0.6429513513513516,284,7,58,5,8,96,56,74,0.235,0.59,0.17600000000000002,-0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,5,7,10,3,1,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,10,14,7,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,11,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,5,30,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.21297083539921915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301561460695071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358399939746953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381966727304107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24339537702177744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034874122207912,0.15591075590134176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34206430093819895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955002438849495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305826254642679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414942178253302,0.10662107876962837,0.0,0.1927099879242317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32086313788700743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513001916515189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22087061102760794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22402030469427303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499932729094505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408937894488004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888137659338947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pur3forlyphe,2019/04/04,"I just don’t like living that much (27 yo) Recently over the last maybe 3-4 years I have steadily become more depressed. I remember a time when I liked living when I was younger maybe 19-23 but now... I just don’t care. I want to die

I have some great friends a loving and supporting family, lucrative skills and experience and I should be having a great time right now travelling South America.

But everything I do feels so forced and meaningless

I am so lonely inside myself... cold...

I want to die. I think I will kill myself this year. I just don’t want to live anymore and the thoughts of suicide are coming more often now

I know people will be upset but it’s my life and I don’t like living - I don’t care about being selfish it’s my body.

I research methods every month or so to see how I can do it. The 2 methods I think about are hanging or crashing into a tree

And that’s it basically

I want to disappear ",1.7984551396316135,3.864448812834226,3.606051693404634,87.71273767082592,79.58823529411767,6.722400475341653,23.223113487819372,7.793537801064563,1.1803109922756985,716,24,148,12,18,240,104,187,0.223,0.568,0.209,-0.8394,0,2,2,0,0,5,22.0,0,0,0,1,15,15,1,1,7,0,21,3,1,1,0,31,36,18,4,5,8,0,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,6,1,0,4,5,5,0,0,2,3,26,10,10,28,4,20,0,2,1,1,2,4,0,4,15,100,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469665198140795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886589674863753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966471626228888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563931345493366,0.0,0.0,0.10831071395450743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829651590090084,0.0,0.2609889165347889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593828012286376,0.0,0.11300370495532823,0.12299425664516772,0.1185330207087098,0.0,0.06357606588254547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714357586182423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772494931611766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910861862124765,0.0,0.06910139811429117,0.10249188991699072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881128761840135,0.18428525744622665,0.0,0.4441099283167577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134819459718604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526380851286155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036153819142307,0.0,0.09243066920233743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716973882937318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414945591674592,0.0,0.14243474989355726,0.10737813793101857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019557505381656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753513606409087,0.14268409607525906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113352519046967,0.0,0.09982060032005202,0.14663572913745676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29665017817609546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194014686182634
suicidewatch,_einini,2019/04/04,"It’s an endless cycle and I’m exhausted. I don’t know that my diagnosis is completely accurate. And I don’t know that it really matters because there’s no stopping it anyway. Only failed attempts to cope. And I am so exhausted with this cycle of being okay and even excited about life to being entirely overwhelmed with anger and hopelessness every couple weeks. 

I can’t maintain any type of relationship, whether that be friendship or something more. People don’t want to be around me for very long which is why I’ve learned to keep so much of myself hidden, because what’s the point of getting to know people who leave. But when I do eventually meet someone I think I can trust, letting little bits of myself show through something happens. I get paranoid and insecure that this person knows too much of me and will hurt me with the information I shared. It always happens. And it’s happened again. 

I’m getting old and tired of being alone. I’m tired of pretending to be strong and content with how my life has turned out. I have days, like today, where I literally can’t even get out of bed. I can’t find the energy to even move because it all goes towards trying to not obsess over how I’ve fucked everything up. All of this disappointment and stress and madness. It’s too much. I want it to just end. ",4.0667739506869935,6.0529164189723375,4.872998306041783,81.58374176548091,72.55731225296442,7.664897421419162,28.648409561453036,8.418075326091056,2.187583248635423,1046,42,192,18,21,338,142,253,0.188,0.703,0.11,-0.9761,0,1,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,3,17,19,3,4,4,1,21,7,0,2,2,41,41,20,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,1,18,19,0,2,8,2,0,1,8,13,0,0,0,0,20,6,32,33,7,19,0,5,0,1,6,9,1,1,10,133,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184013174783365,0.0,0.0,0.0978863619747352,0.0,0.0,0.07999960838243993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472503115874016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513776298971216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284330124721345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334387895722125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016703153028505,0.0,0.07586842288988492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419461014652652,0.0,0.0,0.2331014222626606,0.0,0.0991172375619423,0.0,0.1057277412512908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752133188657176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875679327014423,0.2458493287328098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31208745078645017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259366423723194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456432650991557,0.0,0.0,0.2586086798771186,0.0,0.0,0.12456435698768525,0.0,0.12029543324141873,0.166185999675395,0.05747323070337813,0.11790673684725225,0.0,0.10410818522912607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503328765714727,0.259438021460577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344396844220708,0.0,0.0,0.0894709397147199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631142907312263,0.10271919105831376,0.0,0.0,0.11120834497553786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536354898621403,0.0,0.0,0.12630192545221625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967645665082056,0.18113088629020366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835276778373643,0.13475685309151275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537931462061788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704210142704584,0.11150948649212483,0.0,0.0,0.07987021163706616,0.12795913757125885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706577444859003,0.13877488925141954,0.0,0.09436415361425753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615229897738232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BriannaB9597,2019/04/04,"Been having suicidal thoughts for about six months and can’t do it anymore... I feel completely alone and I’ve always been the black sheep of my family. We live in Utah, so of course very Mormon besides myself due to me not believing in 99% of it. Here’s why, and why my depression and a big chunk of my suicidal thoughts haunt me everyday. I grew up without my dad, my mom and dad had me young and my dad left a week after I was born because drugs and alcohol were clearly more important. So I grew up with a single mom and two younger sisters (different dad), my mom was in and out of relationships trying to find someone that would deal with her. No such luck yet, jee I wonder the fuck why. We have never been financially secure, and this is what I believe attributed to the start of my sexual abuse history. My uncle (by marriage) went to prison while dating my aunt for raping a minor, and for some reason my aunt stayed with him and they got married. He’s pretty wealthy, has his own business and also works a huge paying side job so he’s doing well for himself. Due to my mom working full-time and being single on and off again my aunt and uncle would babysit us after school and on the weekends. When I was six or seven my uncle would always make a fort and ‘go camping’ in the living room and he’d build the tent and him and I would sleep in it alone (again, he was my uncle and I was so little I wouldn’t have thought anything of it but my aunt shouldn’t have ever allowed this to happen due to his history) and one night when I was asleep I woke up and he was raping me and had something over my mouth. He started raping me every once in a while but then it was constant, everyday, every chance he got, every time my aunt was out of the house. He didn’t care that his kids and my little sisters were out running around the house because he’d always lock the door. As it kept getting more constant he’d start taking me to his friends apartment (telling me we were going somewhere else) and he’d give me underwear without the crotch part and then put ski goggles with aluminum foil in them so I couldn’t see. God knows who and how many people he let hurt me there, including my moms brother. I know my mom knew about it the entire time even though I was threatened time and time again to not tell anyone or ‘this is normal’ ‘everyone does this’ ‘don’t be a little bitch and ruin your moms life’ but my uncle paid for stuff and helped us majorly financially, but I was the one who had to pay for it. We needed clothes for school? He’d rape me in the parking lot of the mall. He volunteered to take me to the state fair? Park in the back and rape me before we went in. I’m inviting you to come camping with us? Well you’ll sleep next to me and I’ll shove my hands down your pants or put my head between your legs all night till you have a mental breakdown. My mom let him do this because he had money. When I was 13/14 he finally stopped, maybe because I was too old. Still at that age I didn’t know what he was doing to me because my mom never talked about anything sexual, because Mormon. I learned what had been happening to me in 8th grade health and I was traumatized. I was terrified of him. At this point I didn’t want to believe my other uncle had anything to do with it, and thought my uncle was lying to manipulate me further. But then my uncle was caught with child porn on his computer, and I know my uncle took pictures and most likely videos because I’d hear the clicks when I was the mask on and he’d show me the pictures printed out to scare me more. My aunt forbids my uncle (the one with the child porn) to talk to this side of the family and we haven’t seen them since besides funerals, which makes me think the pictures and videos on his computer were of me. When I was 16 was the last time my uncle tried anything on me, and he got me out of my cousins room to ‘help my little cousin get to sleep because she was asking for me’, dragged me to his room like always, gave me an envelope that I knew had One Direction (don’t judge, I was young) tickets in them because I was talking about their concert and wanting to go a little before that. He told me if I wanted them I’d have to let him play with my boobs for an hour. I slapped him and ran back to my bed because at that time I knew it was wrong and he was a disgusting human being. He gave me the tickets on my birthday a few weeks later and I had to act like I was grateful/excited in front of my family. It was a game to him. After that I refused to talk to him, his name made me sick to my stomach and I couldn’t tell anyone because he was the supporter of my aunt and my cousins- he couldn’t go back to prison because of me. My mom shamed me for not talking to my uncle that has done so much for me, sick fucking bitch. Mine and my moms relationship went to shit after he stopped raping me, she hated my guts and I hated hers. This trauma later developed into me suffering from panic&anxiety disorder, no self confidence in myself whatsoever, knowing I’m an ugly piece of shit who’d ‘never find a husband’ because that’s what my uncle nailed into my head, being fucking terrified of being physical with a guy and avoiding it at all costs even though I’m 23 years old it makes me panic because I just remember pain, and now my chronic depression and suicidal thoughts. In October I got a promotion at my job and life was going okay, and then my uncle started sending me photos of when I was little telling me how cute I was back then, and my PTSD kicked in that I didn’t know I had. I freaked out. I blocked his number but my mind was everywhere and I needed out. My depression came back so fucking hard because I was scared he was going to rape me again. And that’s when my suicidal thoughts started happening for the first time, I’d rather die then ever have his hand touch my hand. I can’t look at the bastard without feeling nauseous. I now have stomach problems because of my anxiety and everything just got so intense. I decided I wanted out of Utah, I moved to Sacramento California with my great aunt and my grandma who has dementia (my grandma to this day hates my uncle because one time when I was a baby she saw him coming from behind the pool with me and I was looking at him with a weird look and she knew something was up, she told my mom and bingo, nothing.) I moved to California and couldn’t get a job that would offer more than 10 hours a week, I am someone who has a complete work history in management and couldn’t get anything because I have no confidence in myself and I think it is obvious. So, I moved back to Utah because 5 months of nothing was killing me. So I failed, yet again. I want out of here still, I need away from all of the abuse and demons here. My mom tries to make me go to church again (haven’t been since I was 16/17 and got my head out of my ass) but I refuse when people like my uncles go and are high up in the church. I know my uncle still does this to others, I see signs in his daughter and it kills me. He tried touching my little sister, thinking she was me because we were camping and it was dark, and my sister told my mom and she did nothing. My mom is horrible, horrible. She doesn’t care for us. Rare doctors and dentist appointments, didn’t get us braces when we were little, never once cooked a real dinner for us besides on Thanksgiving, these little things she doesn’t care to do for us really affect us now that we’re 17/19/23.. she’s the reason I refuse to have kids because I would fucking hate myself if I made my kids feel the way she makes me feel. Whenever I try to explain my depression or feelings she changes it to boo hoo my life isn’t great either, and then she yells at me when I don’t talk to her about things. It’s so much emotional and mental abuse. I feel like such a fuck up when I’m not, I graduated high school which she failed to do, I have two full time jobs and money in my bank account ready to move into a 3 bedroom townhome by myself and be financially stable, I’m a great person who’s very loving and accepting of everyone even if it’s not returned I don’t mind, I try my hardest, but nothing I fucking do is good enough. My mom doesn’t want to let me move out because I’m her bank, she knows how much money I have (she’ll peak over when I open my app) and so whenever she’s in deep shit she knows that’s what I’ve got and she doesn’t want me to have major bills like an entire rent to pay because that means I won’t be able to help her. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep, I’m tired of memories from my ‘childhood’ replaying over and over, I’m tired of being so alone with no friends because I can’t take my walls down because I feel like the second people hear about my past they’ll bail, I’m tired of just trying to force myself to not cry. I’m tired of living. I wish I had enough strength to kill myself, I really do. But I’d for some reason feel guilty. At this point I feel like my uncle won. He really did it. He broke me. I didn’t have a chance. He made me want to die. And I know a lot of people have had it so much worse, I just wanted to write this down for the first time trying to heal myself. I don’t know what else to do. I’m so lost, I’m so unhappy and feel like nothing will come my way and if it does I feel like I don’t deserve it or it’ll be yanked away from me. I feel so trapped. I’m sorry this was so long, I literally don’t expect a single person to read this but if you did you’re a saint and thank you. I just needed to vent and make it anonymous so I can’t hurt or affect anyone. Sorry. I really hope anyone who’s going through shit right now finds a better way out and happiness. It just hurts to have never felt loved by anyone or anything and not have a single person I can talk to. Again, I’m sorry and really hope no one had to read all of that because I rambled a lot.",3.713901098901097,4.458964734443904,4.722786414222721,87.16856822635964,71.6702596766291,7.595269825715686,26.38650871421572,7.7094869923839395,1.2957169566738993,7737,241,1655,90,140,2530,588,2041,0.185,0.727,0.08900000000000001,-0.9998,7,5,4,0,4,2,175.0,16,8,7,12,88,91,29,5,71,1,172,61,23,20,13,307,333,161,10,38,40,38,19,10,2,14,18,4,7,11,77,133,3,10,50,15,13,32,52,54,2,14,116,32,324,37,230,178,32,246,6,13,9,20,203,99,16,22,120,1126,401,25,0.022336406979082176,0.07939496938174151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02387082612551064,0.0,0.06940134396732381,0.0,0.017862416591250447,0.07434271975540993,0.024201487629783268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034174580403126896,0.0,0.02215171375165105,0.07809067553552335,0.0,0.1102857585514081,0.019884137804662375,0.020881525332138492,0.0,0.04197157925280637,0.10305190933676356,0.0,0.35401772576077345,0.0,0.038013274370178415,0.07549644528996953,0.0,0.01975473682413836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02554689909735491,0.06832036667599062,0.0,0.0236289568819968,0.05772251043552315,0.0468385954992823,0.04827544158086687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907098845930435,0.01440513465666293,0.023027854807094555,0.07695325840490286,0.0,0.04636332796083555,0.02333679123125512,0.02559945753357672,0.022862259017694484,0.05864022080935567,0.02285789937446332,0.0,0.0,0.025903140755852597,0.0,0.03731840377176193,0.025125451453279782,0.0,0.04615895861468285,0.0,0.04425895845003725,0.04040911779202554,0.056458158723631025,0.042686788148410384,0.020074522332962783,0.0,0.06317032983169478,0.0,0.13552750203072658,0.07978566804440726,0.021446453516286868,0.024468442050636842,0.061245213962249585,0.03799867273169701,0.0,0.0,0.03451410524837144,0.14454753829666167,0.0583492537268506,0.02142711688979284,0.11424865346021908,0.01873471843040289,0.12505125591547311,0.0738779026466454,0.0,0.02211655463419406,0.059256032773456514,0.02377752057303306,0.02000903333580849,0.08821031028489427,0.06877079284232336,0.02374255612128512,0.050349508052075484,0.0,0.0449148683004809,0.047199280654482784,0.0,0.04437018407297479,0.043993723095686416,0.051546429420908035,0.07173475693099443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866174945040746,0.0,0.07413577472500828,0.0,0.13503055641015707,0.018207152888478653,0.0,0.0,0.02426857153821756,0.09136195789593912,0.04733059444607306,0.10912440194483024,0.20148252999930905,0.059170369753426974,0.01976701729075105,0.05627086888374296,0.0,0.02438282678388923,0.05696884336842978,0.04031895874034833,0.06340574506600277,0.08945835062148036,0.02264561083908631,0.02243992302763971,0.024330895342307098,0.0,0.0,0.04501968931185176,0.0,0.04510680730999424,0.4185620783230992,0.035657413897901134,0.11870032858601902,0.06567931675820793,0.06624865100561711,0.0861360702903996,0.0,0.023755022223266236,0.04192240968032651,0.02188493637125225,0.10716192456328452,0.0,0.04687660347292978,0.04757508890251922,0.09081436463869363,0.0,0.02376751185952973,0.05241392188443472,0.0,0.0241881520913758,0.021322627878665155,0.061941008733493785,0.05850986705626275,0.0,0.0,0.04223024872000676,0.0,0.0,0.02272415598098674,0.0,0.021372924881327818,0.026110064457834117,0.04490851674196381,0.0,0.0,0.044684903056061306,0.02542372120400804,0.07154637133594388,0.06889663949347671,0.0,0.047961883857152034,0.02530279488498633,0.019075169516081902,0.0,0.0,0.044725280007527686,0.06781690904006117,0.035598448915936214,0.0,0.02330174386853574,0.0,0.09171200312493856,0.03695381334231528,0.0,0.08941015226028785,0.0,0.03785113029799197,0.034391314701217486,0.0,0.0750113367135261,0.07904911912325079,0.02380763788618609,0.05351365039982449,0.037348472785220216,0.0,0.0,0.02556984205249971,0.09772961555825473,0.025347089941464267,0.0,0.0,0.05038259474436869,0.12567210489209346,0.07809201686683045,0.02056436255541834,0.0,0.0,0.029678632578607318,0.04293680306283516,0.0438908128976313,0.10639567284312228,0.1302453853412955,0.12836207002125116,0.0,0.06403018222261557,0.02481657001675776,0.12131963310828214,0.0,0.043638848023379036,0.0,0.21494357909266254,0.0,0.0,0.03685975003104041,0.11857132397351025,0.05318880055748902,0.053750755101960986,0.0,0.040166224737667636,0.062118219145484474,0.06046539927828416,0.0,0.025685765690646543,0.06459449775388015,0.02422288056148456,0.048783510918285033,0.0,0.02276270696431887,0.09520285593069476,0.02442135460371531,0.0,0.014383913766659756
suicidewatch,goblinsquire,2019/04/04,"Probably the last thing I'll write. I turned 20 last month. I'm not sure how that happened. Never thought I'd even make it past 14 to be honest. Recently I've been thinking about all of my past suicide attempts, wishing one of them would have been successful. My last attempt failed at 18, life and my mental state has since gotten so much worse. I stopped taking my medication for my depression and anxiety a few weeks ago. Yes, I know that's a really stupid thing to do without discussing it with my psychiatrist first. But it wasn't helping anyway. I feel the same as I did while I was on it. Numb. Hopeless. Unmotivated. Empty.
So what the fuck is the point? 
It feels like there's a grey film over my eyes. Everything around me looks dull and lifeless. Not a spec of colour anywhere. No joy, no love, no hope. I don't want to live like this. It's not living. I put on my best happy face around my friends and family, lie straight to their faces so they don't worry. But I think they can see through my bullshit. They never say anything though. 
I'm tired of waking up every day to do the same shit over and over then end the night drinking and crying til I pass out. 
I've gone to therapy for years, went on several different medications, and tried hundreds of coping skills. Nothing is working. 
Everyone around me is moving on in their lives, finding fulfilment, on the way to getting their dream jobs, getting married and having kids. Progressing. And I'm still in the same spot I've been. Nowhere. 
So I'm just going to end it. 
I know I'm young. But I feel like a 90 year old man  who's just so fucking tired all the time. Exhausted in every sense of the word. 
I don't have a plan yet, but it has to be something that doesn't damage my organs. I'm an organ donor and I've always wanted the chance to help others to live. I'll do some research tonight. Hopefully after my death I'll finally be useful to someone. 
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suicidewatch,throw_it_away9219,2019/04/04,"I’m breaking piece by piece I just feel like everyday chips away at whatever it is that keeps me going. 

Everything hurts and I’m hard pressed to justify doing anything. I don’t even get the satisfaction of a break down these days. All the feelings build up to an emotional breaking point and maybe a tear or two will find it’s way out before I just shut down, empty and drained with just a sense of nothingness for the effort. 

I can’t find a point to go on. I feel like a sociopath, if that’s the word I’m looking for, like my feelings aren’t real and I’m just pretending to be human. 

I understand that if I left it would hurt people, but I feel disconnected emotionally from the consequences.

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suicidewatch,Glossyplane542,2019/04/04,"I think I’m gonna kill myself soon, I’m just tired of having no passions or interests or hobbies of any kind, on top of everything else. I’m clearly a waste of life because I’m not using it to do anything. On top of everything else, like how I’m bullied and have low self esteem and my diagnosed depression and numerous mental illnesses make life a living hell, I’m just so fucking bored. I have no passion or motivation to do anything, I have no interests of any kind, I just sit in bed and stare at my phone until I pass out from exhaustion. I’m in no afterschool clubs, I’ve turned down every offer to be in a program of some kind training me for a future job, the idea of literally every single job known to man are things I don’t want to do, I hate sports, I’m failing almost all my classes, and I’m literally just a waste of space. I’m tired of it. I wanna end it very soon just to stop the constant nothingness except misery.",4.5487132987910215,4.751751051813472,6.212033678756478,79.17155656303977,69.56994818652849,9.334887737478413,30.59110535405872,9.2995712137729,2.574910535405872,735,28,149,14,12,254,107,193,0.267,0.589,0.145,-0.9831,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,9,17,4,0,7,0,10,10,0,4,2,30,28,11,1,2,10,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,1,2,4,6,0,1,4,2,0,1,7,9,0,0,0,1,13,8,29,26,3,21,1,3,1,3,4,12,2,5,8,89,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899469258534186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878640511032213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845189972375296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461517437298556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500005506242848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955386377701388,0.14088570949316073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23191009469304405,0.0,0.12294138858404685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390098204395954,0.0,0.24950072375162716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832440338110315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704271447531682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669568056004282,0.0,0.0,0.2754881322959136,0.0,0.1535688632501507,0.4336369330698051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608631900046625,0.06781386080477726,0.0,0.12256871199943972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092654438859866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988433796923394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480548686153102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604847722365565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221689295393896,0.08894162180692647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190753816340739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098164898265684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988427778497544,0.0,0.11452992700787383,0.08187168972163766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TestedArdvark,2019/04/04,yeah My girlfriend was in South Africa for 3 months and broke up with me after 2 months. She's back now and we work together and she sits 10 feet from me. My alcoholism and depression and anxiety have been getting worse for a long time now. My psych just doubled my SSRI a week ago. Feeling really weird and stressed and like reality is falling apart. Starting to consider an exit from this. I don't really care about my ex I'm so numb at this point. I just don't see something to live for.,1.1543939393939409,3.6571235555555575,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727276,86.17171717171719,6.5323232323232325,22.391414141414145,7.793537801064563,1.2267232323232329,388,14,81,8,12,126,73,99,0.22,0.722,0.058,-0.9461,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,3,1,6,3,1,0,0,12,12,8,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,2,12,2,13,10,1,20,0,2,1,0,5,7,0,0,12,50,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956317170833103,0.2526503580105328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085297777948287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178467201419016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410357173974942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361955828267173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953598271065215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351445036903486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549796841585795,0.0,0.208754332215906,0.20921538153099054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774003605768276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234838334015831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029005571459929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838813570886728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819999426502803,0.0,0.0,0.16733219153703952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708068186128456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378525529978665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963381561023115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210927170696164,0.0,0.24092195358408386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,buttfart696969696969,2019/04/04,"I forgot how deep the hole is *this is just a vent post* 

Suicide is always a thought in my head. Usually I can ignore it and it’s just annoying but then I fall so deep it just feels like there’s nothing else. I feel like I’m drowning and there’s no way out. I have no one I can talk to honestly. They either have too much to deal with themselves or they wouldn’t be helpful. My boyfriend talks in his sleep so sometimes I tell him how much I want to die. He just doesn’t understand how to help and honestly there’s no help for me anyway. I know it’ll be manageable next week but god it hurts so bad right now. 

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suicidewatch,DescendingSpider,2019/04/04,"When the blackness hits.... I created this throwaway account because I can't let anyone who knows me see the depths of my despair.  I'm not a danger to myself, but the pain is so very penetrating.

​

I sat outside a police station earlier today waiting for somebody today and actually found myself considering walking up to an officer and making a grab for the gun so I could end things.  Later on the drive home, for a split second the thought of swerving into the lake crossed my mind.  The blackness is consuming my light.  I hope I have the tenacity to once again claw my way out and back into the clear.   ",5.593879310344828,6.843930456896555,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,67.70689655172413,8.558620689655173,34.327586206896555,8.841846274778883,3.1157793103448275,487,23,83,8,8,160,82,116,0.079,0.83,0.091,0.1124,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,15,0,6,1,0,1,1,17,16,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,1,3,2,3,0,1,3,5,13,1,13,10,0,17,0,1,3,0,1,6,0,1,7,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.2041985728877898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672312870405845,0.2542625968512266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463130081164013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090093070012404,0.0,0.12755733104096456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706971799011766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533407888665676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294326756799137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098955899008774,0.20783323546235066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499875427749714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397309594725591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967651804350611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128363337854392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228452475598807,0.0,0.0,0.22265757926681845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674577692695602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901691781953293,0.0,0.0,0.16612174284884468,0.0,0.0,0.39669053777501945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17265380496698488,0.0,0.16609352641019265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542625968512266,0.0
suicidewatch,TheWomanInGlasses,2019/04/04,Thinking about eating a bunch of my medications. I don't think I really will. I just want to tell someone. If I tell my family about it they kind of go overboard and get all up in my business about it and try to talk to me about it even if I say I don't want to. I just honestly need to tell someone without causing other people around me major distress. What should I do tonight that doesn't involve suicide attempts or self-harm?,4.154583333333331,4.9663040795454565,5.148181818181818,84.2756060606061,70.70454545454545,7.684848484848485,30.57575757575757,7.793537801064563,1.95624393939394,341,14,69,4,6,112,57,88,0.041,0.8420000000000001,0.117,0.6505,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,17,13,5,1,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,14,2,15,11,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,1,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428256421137214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011163625190348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003282031827272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930851119911962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456063108025786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228512454737693,0.0,0.11126427886249124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387106531094426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722419553892864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516577090528887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572675287662028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541941902578801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568930584399812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204237554170078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317615333105367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414768100845807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573577097023606,0.513351788660319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508913121384284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291937117796815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309480673271498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872152957775015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustAMamal,2019/04/04,"just tried partial suspension I wish I wasn't so much of a pussy, I freaked out when I began losing consciousness and got up. I can't continue to exist anymore, I need to go. Is there anyone with experience on overwhelming survival instincts?",6.48,7.706065000000002,7.0422222222222235,71.29000000000002,65.66666666666666,10.444444444444443,37.22222222222222,10.504223727775694,4.339888888888888,195,10,32,5,3,64,38,45,0.119,0.815,0.067,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,7,5,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617172965570218,0.2550299119761398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35677902573008796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072862650127932,0.0,0.29171043396414303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080431205679646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26812084568085104,0.27044502302350504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476298797872173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194251437961671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,patmeonthebacksnail,2019/04/04,"I don't know how much longer I can manage. I want to die.
I'm depressed. I'm miserable. I'm lonely.
All I wanted was to have one person to spend time with and I don't have it. I can't have it. 
There's nothing left for me to do.
I don't feel like living anymore. 
",-2.9373770491803266,-1.3729777704918045,0.5234262295081997,102.17464754098364,105.39344262295084,3.095737704918033,12.657377049180331,4.935628992294339,-1.4749160655737703,200,4,52,1,10,71,38,61,0.267,0.71,0.023,-0.9288,0,2,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,1,8,17,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,8,1,6,16,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30629274002663553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660090392448602,0.0,0.3205339080552946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561620709927491,0.22064000243191687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973396022896692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355626276282595,0.0,0.0,0.15088680022762915,0.0,0.2727171192163481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22703771498773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963465478924367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209282382473984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26967285240585004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800908787431266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36433133712560795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zyzzeema,2019/04/04,"It's sad how many suicide letters i've written Once when I was in 10th grade, another in 12th grade during summer, one at the end of summer, one 2 months ago, one yesterday/today.     


I just wish I had a therapist to talk to. I dont have insurance and can't tell my parents anything because the only thing they'll say is ""prayer will fix it"", but it really won't help talking to them about it. I hate having people pity me and look at me differently, I have never talked about suicide to anybody. I just wish suicide was simple. I think if I do eventually do it (honestly leaning towards the end of this month), then I'm just going to take a walk to the top of a mountain or something and jump off. ",8.41410798122066,5.433248204225353,8.930140845070426,73.19079812206573,63.43661971830986,11.72018779342723,38.455399061032864,9.725611199111238,3.557207511737089,543,21,110,8,6,184,95,142,0.193,0.755,0.052000000000000005,-0.9746,2,0,1,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,2,1,7,4,1,0,7,0,14,0,0,1,1,14,23,9,3,3,6,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,3,4,2,14,1,17,16,0,20,0,2,1,0,10,7,0,2,10,74,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454877058832943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733122958481476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562323999805925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565024520116185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679730812523287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467023933714547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488905838846029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985195098016487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871911492025618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417721136799344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798840146366778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244952011985215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429871883623276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083657399666976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963271761532673,0.2856284768535114,0.10686001125674877,0.0,0.0,0.15601363080530756,0.0,0.0,0.09740813609006813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001078695153593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173482581732593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816723625364816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610673875180635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564190554372754,0.3387966088478338,0.12280713475689392,0.0,0.0,0.16313656553392136,0.09334495321581264,0.09002961670648471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318184675132355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231465048607355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lesbianetc,2019/04/04,"I just can’t get myself to care anymore. Basically, I don’t see a point in staying. I’m trying so hard to find a reason, but there’s none. I can’t do it much longer. It’s no longer a matter of if I kill myself, but when. April is kind of a bad month for suicide. Maybe May. My friend is getting married in June, so maybe I hold off until after her wedding. I don’t want to kill myself in the summer though because that’s when my grandma, grandpa, cousin, and uncle all died. So maybe I hold off until August. I don’t really know. I just know I cannot do this much longer. I just want peace. I don’t want to hurt anymore. ",-0.1619900497512461,1.861580910447764,2.07161194029851,96.12139800995027,86.91044776119404,4.170348258706468,17.142288557213927,5.2151,-0.7121675621890549,478,11,110,2,15,161,76,134,0.26,0.626,0.113,-0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,2,0,5,0,12,0,0,1,1,19,22,12,4,4,6,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,0,2,18,3,15,21,4,17,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,2,10,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114826496995112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112170804844078,0.09573002975407208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011258451048455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629825620269687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353157006458947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132859194663055,0.0,0.16409367114969936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067685216677536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811439824267269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34748263434246324,0.16353282892361146,0.17260997982359133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733028849640129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253477031943251,0.0,0.2308847053963861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484534099285736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060374366495203,0.16146311195464216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514042161525818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738357616513974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177609794372492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429084688538725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661974397557536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778785017396634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okaybunny,2019/04/04,"help. please. im in a really tough situation. i am currently trying to switch schools but im just so fucking sad so its hard to walk to my tutoring every day, let alone do my schoolwork there. since i currently dont go to school, i do two hours of a subject a day at my local library with a tutor. i have severe gad and separation anxiety, with severe depression. My mom knows I have sed harmed in the past, but she doesnt know I have tried killing myself. Multiple times. I have a therapist and am on anti depressents and two months clean of sh but i have the urge to try committing suicice because i cant take this. I want to get help but am afraid my family will hate me cause only my mom knows. I want help. ",0.8008299758259447,3.1458630958904124,2.9539323126510872,89.18095487510072,85.84931506849315,6.722965350523771,21.601933924254627,7.928766900206844,1.1963639000805801,556,19,118,12,17,188,90,146,0.258,0.63,0.112,-0.9824,2,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,3,1,7,0,15,1,0,1,1,17,25,9,1,2,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,9,0,2,0,1,20,0,14,23,0,15,0,3,0,1,6,5,1,0,8,71,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330738001252888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829221644625204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832449308997554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199156000551882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572699321049356,0.0,0.22133135921946812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058582719517902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825585356052604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112612473080435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187841769561765,0.06712916336227627,0.0,0.0730221328389396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509912995704898,0.12685432870041266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583664176454281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653383016816874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775760540405586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215184755693158,0.0,0.21183931322311034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131386680312238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009648832071894,0.10255711126289084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772016640018198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265539649235185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104016091928734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231207329355318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26007144192945497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903075140404995,0.0,0.1062857883465017,0.14442479068765096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096606246500965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491833300637257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492181297371983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617027516357173,0.0,0.2510262917514331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156994341464874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifeishard1989,2019/04/04,"How can I make these thoughts stop? I want to be normal. I don’t want to fantasize anymore about how I’d want to die, or how easy it would be for x or y way. I want to enjoy life. I feel like I am constantly grasping for air and something to give me a reason. 

I want them to stop. I want to stop feeling useless. ",-0.2553416149068326,1.478813072463769,2.106459627329194,97.51695652173916,84.94202898550725,5.1022774327122145,21.45134575569358,6.18269132825596,0.04166501035196735,238,8,59,2,7,81,43,69,0.184,0.568,0.248,-0.1027,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,5,0,23,17,6,1,8,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,10,2,10,13,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809003057575809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711888300087266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893113169049737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446252684845704,0.1303127325147054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498293993520228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884058095873072,0.08911562283058846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217591496638982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872168832759752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754640972357894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404270435823893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575052446622634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481204452461996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6455358714414129,0.14478744762297224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957782815316768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,8377throwaway,2019/04/04,"I can’t think of a reason not to kill myself Really, what’s stopping me? I’m at the point where I’ve felt so awful about myself for so long and I’ve been depressed for so long and things have only gotten so much worse, not better, that I don’t care that a few family members I leave behind will be sad. Why should I be alive just to protect them? What about how much pain I’m in all the time? They’ve never tried to help me, I’m pretty sure they don’t even want me around anyway.

I’m tired of being sad and alone. I do not want to live the rest of my life like this, but things haven’t changed so far, so I don’t see them getting better.",1.0469148936170214,2.406561865248229,2.6336347517730516,97.10875,79.28368794326241,5.267375886524825,16.00531914893617,5.46131890053228,-0.8901872340425534,497,6,121,2,12,163,84,141,0.18600000000000005,0.701,0.113,-0.8451,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,3,2,14,10,1,0,5,1,13,3,0,2,3,20,25,11,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,2,15,5,15,17,5,11,0,3,1,0,4,6,0,0,6,79,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738607457034625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943821670153973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969314205532484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711527359270498,0.0,0.1775822121960561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458456557649968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087530990473356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825112343707898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117972021371202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770416407757617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251846217230453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572120279201665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777481005911366,0.0,0.0,0.11857021744214127,0.08201188397232774,0.0,0.14823062524155192,0.29711600698579993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246804766365599,0.0,0.12947024270630025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767126951064975,0.17862351501547172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868963295206465,0.0,0.0,0.170782227482352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754061603216848,0.1725963855172355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337691574962582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034526476276513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582137162436218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304823926775247,0.1075631129296572,0.0,0.0,0.09788525059630336,0.19293970927516055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397143416960065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802593270419885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514748678747447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107195541814885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CobainTrain,2019/04/04,"Suicide is my destiny. Feeling exceptionally alone 16F. I’ve heard millions of variations of “your life has meaning” and “it’ll get better” that i couldn’t count. My ENTIRE life has been full of trauma and abuse. It IS my destiny. It WONT get better. I’m fucking sick of being alone and having no friends. The ones i do have are surface level and i cut people off so quickly. I’m meant to kill myself and it’s what will happen. I’m not interested in looking at the nonexistent positive side anymore. 


Goodbye.",1.2534013605442171,3.9099164489795935,2.9722857142857144,85.38938095238095,93.6938775510204,4.654149659863946,24.90068027210885,6.42735559955562,1.217781496598639,404,18,71,5,15,133,70,98,0.262,0.619,0.119,-0.9512,0,2,0,0,1,2,11.0,0,1,0,2,2,8,3,0,2,0,14,4,0,0,0,11,26,6,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,3,8,4,9,18,1,8,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,1,50,14,0,0.0,0.26082567484039776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559899075739337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831618803323372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389385569658166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130759433458158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007686122344973,0.20351258407175946,0.23002439975607802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466591972835787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435483459851653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109777441348364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848591600292631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397931095589449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491701434394436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261488412630944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407935269234117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MkayButWhyTho,2019/04/04,"It all feels too normal. I've had passive thoughts for a while. I'd tell myself my brain was just playing tricks on me. That I was just looking for attention.

I wrote something earlier. Felt a piece of metal. It still felt as if I couldn't take myself seriously. I hurt myself a little with it. I still felt like ""Oh this is normal, I'm just making a drama out of myself for myself"". I'm scared of how far it'll go before it feels real. I'm still telling myself I'm fine. But I am fucking not. How the fuck am I supposed to look for help when I can't even take myself seriously.

I'm fine for tonight. I think I'm fine for a while. I just don't like how normal this all feels. It scares me. It really does. ",-0.4254548623213665,1.737211403973511,1.96642732659463,95.11941443011507,90.58940397350992,4.503450679679331,16.556639944231442,6.05967700443912,-0.4741470198675497,546,13,124,5,19,185,80,151,0.07200000000000001,0.769,0.159,0.8119,0,0,1,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,0,13,14,3,2,6,0,10,3,1,4,2,30,33,9,0,5,7,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,9,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,8,8,20,6,14,23,3,12,0,1,2,2,4,4,2,1,9,80,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871377046728653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574065767807527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220872064413039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214584328960616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162318998626253,0.0,0.4018579407724712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579517447489062,0.0,0.0,0.07928743985000702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935114282108898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934964359912176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363162676143617,0.13982689068374796,0.0,0.0,0.23430857153065196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312482089495074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100741158629872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587943082222164,0.0893744582151093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793501329663983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740255100758864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342415151384689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979014610473395,0.0,0.2438779063170944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939315485363303,0.0,0.11075632301155408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChenFluffo,2019/04/04,"This loneliness... This loneliness is just so bad, like I said in a post before why should I feel this way? Well it's getting worse, I want this pain to stop and maybe... maybe doing this might end this pain. I feel so unimportant and useless and this loneliness is making me shake so much. I don't know what to do...",1.2371428571428569,3.5911457301587326,2.154920634920636,95.64285714285715,83.76190476190476,6.139682539682537,18.52380952380953,7.447530270364453,0.2907523809523811,243,6,54,4,7,76,41,63,0.379,0.542,0.08,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,1,0,12,14,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,3,6,2,3,11,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272707283640255,0.0,0.0,0.1862216275227677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383239119617499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213099890359752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143378798462821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202719093007209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691698660169688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608124770666595,0.0,0.4397199722390645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216077307965946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608768182160608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657346481176108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959374860570373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081724379815602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18296485906012366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129080902475471,0.17370958206764284,0.0,0.0,0.19676862532951572,0.0,0.19747426390695336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302253136313568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,A55Goblin,2019/04/04,"I really just want some advice or words of comfort I have no reason to commit suicide. My life is going so great right now. I'm graduating college in December, I'm about to go to Alaska for a 4 month internship where I'll be living out my dream job telling people about nature and how awesome it is. And I have an amazing girlfriend who I love and want to marry. 

But for some reason the thought of suicide has filled my head every day for the past two years. I havent told anyone this because I'm afraid to reach out. I know I should but I dont want to. 

I have a cut on my wrist thats from high school. And I'm just afraid that I'll come off as an attention seeker or something. I dont know why I'm justifying any of this. I dont know why I constantly think about suicide and I dont know why I'm not reaching out for help. 

I dont want to commit suicide. I feel like that would be such a waste. My parents have spent so much money on my college education and they dont deserve that. But if my parents hadn't or if I wasnt in a relationship or if endgame or game of thrones wasnt about to come out, I really think I'd grab the gun beneath my bed and pull the trigger. (Really sorry if that last part is ironic because of all the memes. But end game and game of thrones are 2 huge reasons don't do it) 

And I dont really know what I want to come from this post. I dont think I want anyone telling me how amazing I am or how much I'm loved. And I know the title says I'm looking for advice but I really dont know what I'm looking for. I just really want these thoughts to stop. ",2.3183720930232568,3.1070286511627927,4.149074418604652,89.82383255813956,74.98837209302326,7.1319069767441885,24.806511627906985,7.404127859558343,0.9177359534883718,1232,38,287,14,25,419,149,344,0.108,0.741,0.151,0.8248,3,0,1,1,0,6,24.0,0,0,1,0,15,10,1,2,12,0,29,5,2,7,3,73,69,31,4,13,19,2,2,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,14,17,0,1,17,4,2,7,16,3,0,1,7,5,35,7,39,58,6,31,0,0,2,2,16,14,0,12,10,174,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221871813342852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251558401455849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743054652632481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762229367704505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156572470529898,0.0,0.06756165528518901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040320076218460316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6594542893801273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055373954837023766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267559836931274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03161187163361514,0.0446641325244857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106284630316104,0.0,0.0,0.06892826149771397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416331572260768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04190568054102045,0.06605556417221682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204121968844206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24051459422631905,0.050961952781542606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415955886600025,0.03054399912654985,0.0,0.05520609780691757,0.0,0.10500171299322424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285305748307392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049902679856295686,0.0,0.09191844161076444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388416003745434,0.06770281286172382,0.05968218983971716,0.04334333299737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059876652698714575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403105737649077,0.19284219285571694,0.0,0.06712283011553948,0.0,0.05339153760792713,0.0,0.04971822639461517,0.0,0.06327333983258764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048130769446322386,0.0,0.06998575821802616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052269322891981315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735459016543826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929006035592694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201804226987757,0.0,0.09926741958326236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974031457141168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107272581359046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581304401149045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924309043875532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441224719322815,0.0,0.0,0.04026067879367084
suicidewatch,hannahville,2019/04/04,"Not really sure where to post this, but I have a question about a past suicide attempt I’m a teenager, and in September 2018, I attempted to kill myself by swallowing almost 30 pills from the medicine cabinet. My parents came home soon after and I didn’t want them to find me (although I was probably not gonna die from that or even have effects) so I threw them up. 

If I go to therapy (which I’m starting soon), and tell my therapist this, will they have to send me somewhere, like a hospital? As scared as I am having my parents find out, I’d be okay with the therapist telling them this. However, I really don’t want to be sent to like a psych ward or some shit. Is this concerning enough for them to do this? 

Currently, I still have suicidal thoughts but no actual plan. ",4.834740259740258,5.453720396103896,5.740675324675326,81.33387012987014,69.06493506493507,10.315844155844157,32.28311688311688,10.355215969177356,3.267022857142857,607,26,124,16,10,200,100,154,0.192,0.7140000000000001,0.094,-0.9705,4,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,5,4,7,7,2,1,7,1,14,3,1,1,1,23,25,12,4,3,7,2,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,5,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,6,0,20,4,20,15,2,17,0,0,0,0,12,4,1,6,9,88,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.14684971313425085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506870001720679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211247760143505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617760916457965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548917894887945,0.0,0.09939261076743344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750774950833905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855229641014849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094673155245786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648715783727794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703679780411566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341871546762573,0.0,0.14365306330076147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441211289911831,0.0,0.16224613973401342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857541407977314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928065427760126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065974786565264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446865022121278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651265104751872,0.0,0.12017592847194053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292079834164402,0.0,0.14182845874508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630575721269214,0.0,0.17209043995166418,0.3494447528592691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946670311021228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751755975282388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,po15ut,2019/04/04,"I dont want to kill myself, but i do want to die. I want to die desperately. Im a shitty human being and this world is shitty i just fucking hate it. I hate everyone and i hate my fucking self. I hate how i always get angry and that anger makes me want to fucking cut someone with a razor. I want to hurt people but i dont want to suffer the consequences. Im not bad though! Im just sick of peoples bullshit, and if i feel like .. never mind im fucking crazy arent i. God please just kill me",-0.7475427350427353,1.2716857129629628,2.18148148148148,94.219358974359,90.01851851851852,4.4341880341880335,17.566951566951563,5.873414542411696,-0.3816945868945871,379,10,87,3,13,133,60,108,0.532,0.359,0.109,-0.9972,1,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,16,12,0,3,0,6,5,0,2,1,23,23,9,4,7,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,15,0,0,0,1,16,1,8,22,0,2,0,2,0,4,2,1,4,1,2,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877715507552679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908423061886601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146105871501068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500868931469077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194977056517544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394720605848805,0.07622152805909316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945439796466283,0.055742709050112964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42134914736436063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421710444672803,0.0,0.460987161009558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23608007853573096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05212482936246268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121843171779738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772955417009372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228824874770138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793503804971514,0.0,0.0,0.11711691701081195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113041080957583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040066533224388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048253686661873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37758191075204656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,robby901,2019/04/04,"LOVE & DEATH I WANNA DIE My Gf is pushing me towards suicide, she’s getting me mad on purpose everyday and i tell her that i wanna kill myself because she’s literally hurting me emotionally, she’s lying to me and hiding shit from me i don’t trust her, she threatens me and i don’t feel safe anymore i feel like i can’t escape from her. She’s really trying to kill me because she keeps breaking my heart and fucking me over and i can’t leave, she’s emotionally abusive she makes me feel like scum saying you’ll never be with anyone else but me i’m the only person who will love you and makes me feel worthless makes me question if living is even worth it. Fuck love because i feel so used an manipulated by her, i give her my heart and all she says is that i don’t love her which just breaks me, she constantly tells me i’m not enough for her and that she wants guy friends i can’t love anyone else but her because she’s brought down my self esteem, every time i try opening up to her she shows little respect and makes me shut up, i tell her i wanna kms everyday and i just need to talk to her but all she has to say is stop being selfish but how am i being selfish when i just need her attention. She’s made me cut off everyone in my life and i’m trapped, i feel like death is the only option ",1.053296103896102,3.1238624945454596,2.958175324675328,91.34697727272727,82.23636363636362,5.383116883116884,21.82142857142857,6.5431188927421005,0.3873974025974021,1026,33,222,10,28,343,131,275,0.201,0.644,0.154,-0.8705,0,1,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,2,0,0,8,23,7,0,3,0,18,11,3,8,3,51,47,19,6,7,9,0,6,3,2,2,1,3,0,3,6,13,0,3,8,1,1,2,8,11,0,0,2,9,70,12,22,40,3,22,0,2,0,7,49,11,3,3,10,146,76,0,0.0,0.10669141374885928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756629230368763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930279873628402,0.12592643546614124,0.18452835230953427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956817404484266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730922157388536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345495775292394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044605300303884,0.20258235181675568,0.0,0.09304300870934304,0.0,0.05947544138951993,0.0,0.07586879645887154,0.08604412492536295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731839480405713,0.19298958632160754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695703779200494,0.16649469285250432,0.047046036441247635,0.08638164652002969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916105766716366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341314393130892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639757646482136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003824359897052,0.19924815580562635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534716744322988,0.0,0.0,0.0636031234012509,0.1319777956687915,0.09025112522333513,0.07951348114617023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063563544127032,0.08520500270445737,0.2404292859804748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353797393811095,0.06945008621289755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697017150942947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786258938456883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087366739239237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768665369512568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482785855698866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393904987333944,0.0,0.09243233558123012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528363686979991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849721207374686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237666843275478,0.23611612209854205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250734802672568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227251240799855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777201951360517,0.0,0.0,0.0531122743389544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aermyg,2019/04/04,"my ocd is killing me i feel like a terrible person and it's not even that i want to die i feel like i have to so i can stop suffering. everyday feels like hell im constantly picking apart everything i do, ruminating in past memories my brain never shuts up my intrusive thoughts are getting so bad im at my wits end i feel like im always on the verge of breaking down i'm so so tired and fed up i just don't know what to do anymore it's just so hard everyday. im scared of myself ",-0.5126052249637176,1.5938081603773568,2.3956603773584924,92.40978955007259,90.03773584905659,6.657764876632801,22.30478955007257,7.882392219407189,1.221058925979681,379,15,89,9,13,133,68,106,0.302,0.615,0.083,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,2,1,2,0,7,3,1,1,1,15,17,7,2,1,3,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,6,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,5,14,4,11,15,0,17,1,1,0,0,1,9,1,0,11,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159399020067721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818528728021662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634093207326993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555466510635353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057425890884385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446102514993325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341160347894098,0.0,0.0,0.0920310569302375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252274955650702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181276043996417,0.3981707450057192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279805507806486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481896663647728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020333297272094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541562192880469,0.0,0.07657620632277802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722929160441011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746561418870487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301334118056166,0.0,0.12166406744781888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139501072824844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649232874631063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106183535205636,0.0,0.16014787587662654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218482501659935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ellissiaa_,2019/04/04,"I’m scared these will be my final weeks I guess there’s no real backstory to this, I don’t even know what to post. I’ve been in the hospital in and out the last few months due to attempts, and I would have died if nobody was there to call an ambulance. Today my parents left for China, and I’m all alone. 

I’m so fucking scared I’m going to try again and this time nobody will be there to stop me.

I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place, I just i really don’t know where else to go or who to talk to.",1.0618485742379562,2.0839439557522152,3.090737463126846,95.26633235004921,78.46902654867256,6.438151425762046,17.865290068829893,6.937597516519254,-0.2380119960668634,389,6,98,4,9,132,71,113,0.158,0.8420000000000001,0.0,-0.9337,1,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,2,4,0,11,1,0,0,1,16,22,8,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,13,15,2,19,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,4,9,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675392685224916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398287634990852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716117116971232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869741274914712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547485935625974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081052807717756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756262558222292,0.0,0.0,0.21593118058793034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927581751534946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880752734742514,0.1548527142051072,0.0,0.0,0.206405372415578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516340132212258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094166813762424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848053592632625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819408731776594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21622997608406094,0.12170106837415745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622352375234336,0.0,0.0,0.3803906654253282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265834655552796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588252819546183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526924740717398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077432894822556,0.0,0.1800714512851263,0.0,0.0,0.128978666985005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238425559256788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495081421429309,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darkshadow_Claw,2019/04/04,"I feel utterly miserable and nobody wants me I've been depressed for years now and it's getting to the point where on the bad days I just don't want to go to school. I've been forced by my parents to continue and even though I've worked so hard for 17 years to keep my life on track I feel like just because I'm down now they're tired of me and hate me.
I heard my dad talking about how manipulative I am for ""threatening"" them with suicide even though I just want to die and I feel so hurt. I just want a reason to live. I hate school. I hate the world we live in. I just want to make other people happy and all I can do is fuck them up. Why is the world like this?",0.8962065331928386,2.4261013287671247,2.4489041095890407,97.50837197049528,80.23287671232877,5.862170706006322,18.76501580611169,6.67199483983844,-0.2689962065331932,518,11,130,5,13,169,83,146,0.305,0.642,0.053,-0.9903,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,1,0,2,1,16,11,4,1,5,0,8,3,0,4,1,27,26,11,2,5,5,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,3,5,21,3,20,23,1,16,0,3,0,1,7,9,1,0,8,79,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419635106613399,0.0833730756567693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820465092212501,0.0,0.117798886589807,0.0,0.14194456545680273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806691883742853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746345473137534,0.09770775721545076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644068006693393,0.07145612559980928,0.0,0.0777289397686349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559307857410067,0.12251810501874212,0.4050930351497594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641397772136788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156651696978743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660394622139236,0.13363679007578522,0.0,0.24153895738929246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129432868562848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186572103872664,0.0,0.0,0.09481836135726512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929085480571334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406212479339501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768349356470288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960302056395836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992969230224747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687495759391053,0.0,0.0,0.1571957756414155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40334931836345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341269423078233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956941636577557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614942489903576
suicidewatch,ThrowAway23599B,2019/04/04,No path to follow. I don't know why I finally came here after being like this for so long. Here I am though. To try and write everything down in my life that has lead me to this point is too painful and pointless.  At best I can provide a rough draft of my current situation.  I am currently in my 20's and have worked full time ever sense I left high school.  I was always told growing up to go to college and get a degree in something.  Doesn't matter what degree I get as long as it will lead to a job that pays good money.  So that's what I tried to do.  Went to school to be a programmer.  Spent a couple years doing that and decided that I did not want to do that for the rest of my life. I felt miserable doing the work and thinking of just programming for the rest of my life.  It brought me no joy.  Plus the pressure from my mother and brother to just get a degree during this time was tremendous. She would make me feel so low to the point I wanted to die.   I would often leave school thinking how better off I would be if I was dead to the point I would plan it out so I wouldn't leave a mess behind for the people who would have to clean it up.  Ended up flaking out from getting a degree in programming.  Was stuck in limbo working and not going to school for a year.  Ended up going back because I don't see how I can make a living without a degree.  Problem is I don't think I can plant myself in a field of work that doesn't make me happy.  So when I went back to school I just picked something.  Got my associates and can now chase a glorious bachelors degree for a job that makes me miserable.   No matter what possible path I look at it all leads to the same miserable place.  It just feels so pointless to the point killing myself would be a relief from this constant misery.   I think about everything that has happened in my life sense I was a kid and it almost brings me to tears sometimes.   I feel like a boy stuck in a pit and it's just so fucking dark and cold down here.  I can look up to see the sky and sunlight above me but I have no way to reach it.    If somehow someone has stomached my stupid story I want you to know I'm not in any danger of taking my life when writing this.  After so many years I just need to write a small part of me down.,2.4874732872407286,3.763272955602538,3.7153374092908997,91.19476601337068,75.25792811839322,6.4665790526255655,22.72035883663791,6.885778809224403,0.5164867036169363,1760,47,389,16,37,574,202,473,0.105,0.8320000000000001,0.063,-0.897,4,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,0,10,30,20,4,4,29,0,42,8,1,10,2,74,86,32,3,14,13,2,5,2,0,8,6,0,1,2,27,17,0,0,11,0,3,13,14,12,0,0,16,10,53,8,70,58,7,68,0,4,4,1,11,33,1,5,23,280,80,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413214665356976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160038220169136,0.0,0.0,0.050344157785901435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385175795996234,0.0,0.04512909377373631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769179918129641,0.06547510463240462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467264870817906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000206777800649,0.0,0.0,0.08191477066432122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683331284962851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114038930242153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696599501905631,0.0,0.0,0.13307000360442522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229809659103487,0.05288832759331605,0.07108213085669048,0.08109821040489887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844119954320474,0.15471422482612204,0.0,0.12622192179377809,0.062094355415072564,0.05920998766284018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546606990991873,0.07880822008806475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821865375726877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469302621906904,0.0,0.08190521004888175,0.0,0.08137187448654515,0.0,0.0,0.15677795852970444,0.08043575952893506,0.0,0.2614542232966203,0.07233638897741154,0.0,0.06537142939830384,0.13103161402798666,0.12433612119524624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766718633365016,0.07505661818496863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054893636333442165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877504720554547,0.0,0.0,0.08016921729436527,0.0,0.05132432367950676,0.0,0.07734746664830132,0.0,0.2799358936755176,0.08345972293977863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708384275307348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37462063358720094,0.11798750792135125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321483695665849,0.0,0.0,0.06272689782653941,0.11398658198051626,0.07321933610149679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566269484135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897463343026306,0.07273586058008769,0.0,0.08633706749956807,0.0,0.0,0.07074055061627899,0.0,0.1005254555204152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099760853444406,0.05876299125582154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725642730100454,0.06680217812449406,0.0,0.0,0.07136400646190165,0.0,0.21558410759205054,0.0,0.0,0.3155403693229341,0.0,0.0,0.14302214207350405
suicidewatch,MaggieFields,2019/04/04,"Resisting my thoughts I woke up feeling incredibly depressed borderline suicidal. It was a tough day then I came home and my mother yells at me, shuts me off when I say I need help cause I'm having a hard time... I'm so alone in this battle and it hurts so badly. As I type this I'm bawling and praying for death. I cannot do this anymore. I can't stop thinking about taking a bunch of pills and dying. ",0.43250000000000105,2.7263420119047623,2.436,92.559,87.21428571428572,5.2647619047619045,21.495238095238093,6.742157984588678,0.5022180952380952,315,11,68,4,10,105,62,84,0.298,0.608,0.093,-0.9632,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,11,15,9,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,4,11,0,8,11,1,11,1,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,41,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586413791488515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476616215646409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208511227632935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28562063086101425,0.0,0.25653794423616405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105295725303606,0.0,0.21508910072274406,0.0,0.2591767190711816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262692407452869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22370592620708352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738643400039865,0.0,0.2504960784555094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673374232388872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516906319830687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985925658186788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878256726888852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731602996432084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776327726328448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600146816413669,0.0,0.1982549759596269,0.14561755219743455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,outmyfacekid,2019/04/04,Update I built up enough courage to sit in front of a campfire with my family ,4.821249999999999,5.1344136250000005,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.0,8.9,28.5,8.841846274778883,1.97395,62,2,13,1,1,20,16,16,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7387371298373063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6739936594655316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,oompa_zombie,2019/04/04,"No one cares, I feel broken, I hate myself Today life started happy. I went to work, got permission for a class I really wanted to take. I tried to focus on the positive. 

But certain events that happened throughout the day have knocked me once again. I am tired of being hopeful. I feel abandoned by loved ones. Abandoned and unloved by my mother. I feel utterly alone, like I am of no care to anyone.

No one cares for me. No one is there for me. And i feel that I am there for many. I give, I give care. I do not provide indifference I give sympathy. I feel betrayed and tricked.
 I just want to die. 

I mean what exactly is worth it in this world if no one gives a single fuck about anyone? How can anyone ever love me if my dad was never there and my mother has been in and out. A woman who i admit has been there but not been there. Lifted me before, but has recently stomped me out when I am at my worst. 

Why live? Why live alone. Unloved uncared for? To be insulted, demeaned and swindled. Seeing the malice that surrounds the air thes like the whole world is poison and I am slowly dying.

I want to die fast.",1.0909821428571431,3.4189734910714304,2.7070785714285712,91.61292142857144,84.17857142857143,5.369714285714287,20.56714285714286,6.742157984588678,0.3939155714285718,858,26,178,10,25,281,122,224,0.23,0.63,0.14,-0.9789,0,4,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,1,11,21,5,0,8,0,20,6,0,1,4,35,49,14,3,6,8,3,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,7,0,1,1,8,10,0,5,6,6,33,11,23,41,3,21,0,2,1,3,13,10,1,3,12,129,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559721463391947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820494265773332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445899116849277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047897717359831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401148866578596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090341443875806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978214529713639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509324327433907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175997041408414,0.0,0.38085909854290345,0.0,0.0,0.07938356943511424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877711769833662,0.10565916424510466,0.0,0.09799410785784046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985829567921588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010698805531734,0.09698229950278517,0.0,0.17528858253654953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791636546229954,0.0,0.0,0.10062934475142073,0.0,0.10811817234295212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655184374911703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570370692955568,0.3362899648466365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358551790045996,0.0,0.09800268250165614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909366221189815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025344661332772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462766967703714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407942217994645,0.09408246486259718,0.0,0.0,0.06738786641657762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563012868949365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201070256178423,0.17912502788413073,0.11081505211446734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225907591634755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jllo3,2019/04/04,No interesting title for this one... I just wanna know if I will die from taking all the meds I have access to atm. Idk if that question is even allowed. But if it is I will post a list. I'm tired. I want out ,-1.521231884057972,0.4081726739130431,1.5086956521739123,97.90115942028986,94.0,3.936231884057971,14.18840579710145,5.46131890053228,-1.099002898550724,157,3,39,1,6,55,37,46,0.219,0.696,0.084,-0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,12,9,4,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,5,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689031231570921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23477273552193134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953471581655128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948271114964354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086351732588404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404248207036297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981876600249065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672557151154189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40853985775783386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965483643379573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pizzaguy573871,2019/04/04,"Give me a reason to keep on living I can't help but feel that all my ""friends"" just tolerate me because they're too nice to tell me to fuck off, or pity me, or secretly hate me. No girlfriend.

​

I study CS, and I was planning a project, yet another person makes the same thing in literally like 1/100th of the time. 

​

Nobody would give a fuck if I killed myself except my family maybe. 

​

Give me a reason to keep on living. No friends, no girlfriend, awful at what I'm studying, and no clear path.

​

What am I going to amount to? Nothing. I'll just be slaving away at some 9-5 job for 40 years, probably addicted to alcohol or drugs simultaneously, with no friends, no wife/girlfriend, and nothing. I'm only 19 but at this point I've been a social outcast my whole life. 

​

I think all the people who told me I was worthless or talked shit about me, were right. It's obviously saying something about me. It can't be others. 

​

So yeah, give me a reason to live on. Once I gain the courage, whenever that may be, I will end it",2.6850000000000023,4.91411848341232,3.7358744075829406,87.06893009478677,77.43601895734595,6.305308056872039,26.663744075829392,7.365786028017652,1.4150737440758294,844,34,166,11,20,272,127,211,0.22,0.6559999999999999,0.124,-0.975,1,0,3,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,5,0,10,2,13,7,1,4,4,31,29,11,1,2,10,0,1,1,5,3,4,1,0,1,11,4,1,2,6,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,5,2,23,6,23,18,6,16,0,2,0,2,18,11,3,7,5,106,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278891649077321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135658952054308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340701765841388,0.4867955507883655,0.0,0.07001393676872165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273240684097561,0.0,0.0,0.04070223854534182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743174754362146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913820732893299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294460683202316,0.0,0.033760807300590265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547585006857934,0.12345517258128735,0.0,0.2562066308848263,0.03794680504967805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592133499468791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044754376518505855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662587045421184,0.1186960978434022,0.07387086951557699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716147068523355,0.032620342150330314,0.0,0.17687681876086414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456934705511958,0.0,0.06707921912449588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281348106360122,0.0,0.0,0.07110763725500907,0.0,0.050781426940632965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046289758798510584,0.058300797027065275,0.0,0.0,0.06311902460810832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198911659848019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059513649771385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057021027845332514,0.0,0.0530980095101622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853822032262208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806338284890129,0.0,0.051402639215405416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366702048659297,0.0583597312792892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443588753759019,0.04278337939052769,0.0,0.0,0.0389339960413497,0.0,0.0,0.06380138676057957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454607560169878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047431336450270326,0.0,0.4867955507883655,0.042997549600913634
suicidewatch,cherryxnut,2019/04/04,"Help So it’s like 1am here. I have multiple mental health issues, BPD etc, and have attempted suicide four years ago. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for weeks now. This past two nights the urge to do something has become overwhelming. Bought pills today- just in case. Honestly don’t know who to turn to as I hate how this makes my dad feel. I’m in the UK. Please help me. What should I do?",0.6431875719217466,3.1522811898734204,1.5501495972382069,96.74039125431531,91.53164556962022,5.404372842347526,17.308400460299197,6.980632752743323,0.0906101265822783,310,8,67,5,11,96,66,79,0.142,0.706,0.151,-0.3008,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,1,2,0,9,2,0,2,0,8,17,4,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,3,1,5,2,7,13,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,8,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663934235693549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200762035230741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25097147309353474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222368507994256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075604984346688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673621117337814,0.0,0.2118129057606468,0.0,0.0,0.26713070875725303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798435435599744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951265725563336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735243563183872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301315082290374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081559796832674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699981934374796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902241589474058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187367760076593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340648796578346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359343986494154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819678744879992,0.0,0.0,0.18888306735514526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167467106243494,0.1946561936436282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984102647887136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832226469480335
suicidewatch,1istheloneliness,2019/04/04,Friend ruined my suicide without knowing I was planning to kill my self but then my friend started saying tht he did stuff to himself and only a few people want him and a bunch of depressing shit. Now I don’t want to kill my self just because he is kind of popular and I don’t want anyone to thing I’m trying to copy him as people have said I “bum” him before. Now I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to live but I don’t want to be known as tht guy who copied [insert friends name] ,4.389844236760126,3.641617532710281,5.4808878504672895,87.53042834890968,69.93457943925233,7.880996884735201,28.113707165109034,6.42735559955562,1.1124342679127723,384,11,88,2,6,128,61,107,0.187,0.639,0.175,-0.7535,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,10,3,0,2,0,11,1,1,0,0,16,21,8,3,5,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,2,15,5,13,17,2,4,0,2,0,0,16,0,1,0,4,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954279095766407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910012818302736,0.0,0.13330913516219198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493407889532108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631135910644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512153687895744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466499944880021,0.16314097063367927,0.17219637081331424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383367775204444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914968298397592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172215480551638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902290373621574,0.12458513636515599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268684820608186,0.0,0.16081287422807752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088726115023376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934227380984152,0.1713644870859265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408029582830246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636426114180876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620210795026064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101806363658613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DespacitotheGamer,2019/04/04,"Solving modern problems with modern solutions Something I had not noticed about this Reddit for a long time is that it's usually suicidal people giving advice or trying to help out another suicidal person, and in my opinion, I think this is the way things should be in real life. In many cases, you go to a therapist that most likely has not felt anything close to what you have felt, but talking to people that truly understand your standpoint is probably what has kept a whole lot of people on this Reddit alive today. There is something about relating to someone that makes me feel better about myself in a way. I'm sure people have said this entire speech quite a lot but idk, just a thought.",11.859230769230768,8.389812615384617,10.70692307692308,64.60807692307695,57.46153846153846,13.169230769230769,41.384615384615394,10.793553405168565,4.5182,560,20,91,9,5,178,89,130,0.068,0.7829999999999999,0.15,0.8835,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,2,5,4,0,0,7,0,11,1,0,1,1,26,23,4,2,2,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,12,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,5,8,3,17,15,4,16,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,5,7,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379262440913769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800389467179315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615113701628947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248321727330734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136766190218759,0.0,0.27104460197978103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540011089846754,0.08021652826430781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460719299683587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969559864804634,0.0689568092667544,0.0,0.0,0.12490977423913675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399945747722851,0.0,0.0,0.09421605542517407,0.14309989695517406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069566402859967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39141147615959504,0.12324324871173654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217926776139826,0.13505766613589335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012615202920246,0.0,0.1606550563092434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426217439111662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119592553359847,0.21732218330816067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087816446027757,0.0,0.1330284408303195,0.0,0.0,0.11344781359295215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388139249527556,0.09377113503246386,0.09044066180617716,0.0,0.11205416308200226,0.08230337151717268,0.0,0.13378991049165467,0.0,0.0,0.09582887341721606,0.0,0.0,0.1469379706565083,0.0,0.0,0.15545238531718944,0.0,0.0,0.22407026047357675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758447575937964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i-wish-i-was-dead12,2019/04/04,"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Read before commenting. I made this argument a while ago. Here’s a little about me as a person. Just get to meet me a little.

Im clinically depressed. I have multiple personality disorder. I tried medication and therapy. Didn’t really help. I have issues with self harm and dealing with mental and physical abuse. I’m a man btw not that it matters. And suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Coming from someone who attempted suicide twice. I tried to hang myself, and I ripped my razor right up my arm in an attempt to kill myself. I stand with the scars from that. I was abused from the ages 4-12 from my dad and stepmother. I’m a high school burn out. I’m failing every class. My mom is a sociopath. My siblings literally told my mom to have me move back with my father. So I’m lonely. I have a girlfriend who I love very much. But until I can marry her I’m stuck here. 

That’s my story. Now don’t kill your self. Don’t. Just wait. Trust me. I sit here with blood on my sleeves and tears in my eyes, scars on my neck, do not pull that trigger. Suicide is not a viable option. Imagine killing yourself. Imagine that. Then just imagine two days after you take those pills your mom kills herself cause she couldn’t handle the pain of you leaving the earth. She birthed you and gave you everything and you just threw it back in her face. Your siblings now just lost their brother/sister and their mother. They are heartbroken and don’t know what they did wrong to make you leave. “Why didn’t they want to stay?” They will ask. “What did we do wrong?” They will cry. All because you couldn’t handle it. And think that if you just held on a few more days maybe a month. You could have been fine. You could have and you shut that door when you jumped off that stool. The noose tightened around your neck and you slammed the door for any possible alternative option to help you. All because you felt a need to end the pain that could just pass over. A temporary problem. Now let me get one argument out of the way someone’s gonna make. “How do you know it’s temporary?” Chemical imbalance is a real thing and I understand that. But other options still exist. Medication, coping with therapy and writing, maybe take up singing. Play an instrument. You don’t need to die, to feel better. ",1.5228173467851214,4.177148855895201,2.6647643427194723,90.02218340611357,86.64192139737992,5.953380514982682,22.525372684836626,7.372421405659032,1.0814824875771727,1848,67,366,32,58,589,228,458,0.212,0.735,0.053,-0.9977,0,2,0,0,2,6,62.0,1,21,7,5,21,21,4,0,28,0,34,13,6,6,2,76,66,26,9,12,13,6,2,0,1,3,6,0,2,5,22,27,0,2,9,3,0,7,11,16,0,3,14,3,65,5,42,43,5,47,0,4,1,1,58,18,0,4,18,242,87,4,0.0,0.181872694344906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680343544667767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052192716484086965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832388271109427,0.07175100583376785,0.0,0.0,0.11803221636341073,0.0,0.09357232696326924,0.0,0.0653087029733753,0.0,0.0,0.06787924802273726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884351958103579,0.0,0.06611343627317283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383618742083851,0.0,0.08430640777456375,0.0989949617517317,0.07912600819730392,0.06610476970568331,0.0,0.07965451187301081,0.0,0.08796229191197924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797782959824245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466529003524317,0.0,0.06897806295815301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038807168993366115,0.0,0.07369215547641891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019754453680042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288798116009666,0.08109072033107594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290330476834416,0.08010718959316848,0.0,0.0,0.33965056480480216,0.0,0.08435972239154849,0.0,0.0,0.1625345998495641,0.0,0.07848220220635392,0.0,0.0,0.15384757531346302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378182718874302,0.0,0.06926998382004483,0.07262282347294488,0.10246260805865087,0.0,0.1542116318090435,0.0,0.0,0.15463535167463888,0.07734607360022495,0.0,0.0,0.2696664543705449,0.061261217078517075,0.08157323599093029,0.056420172436146526,0.11381848953024935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520078706203844,0.0,0.16333508735232022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403049651823354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652423337303662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203185112370023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677089410039897,0.08735844433822558,0.04916809500701835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554418690487193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767522341343584,0.0,0.0,0.1601342367145024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006026272640092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180542070989746,0.061292748509363774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358087162942947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541308379612655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554091224326862,0.0,0.05098937231391958,0.04917838069845197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333803294406513,0.0,0.10421659295053357,0.0,0.07497371933565823,0.07989958626674024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332689057532458,0.04526921191404088,0.060920676345704375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925504957692609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167828425248496,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadthrowaway57921,2019/04/04,"Why are people saying suicide isn't selfish? One can admit suicide is selfish without holding it against the victim. https://old.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/b9fbfi/throwaway_my_girlfriend_killed_herself_last_year/

My girlfriend committed suicide. Suicide is a selfish act in itself, but I wouldn't say she's selfish. She just couldn't handle her feelings. I can really relate, and I acknowledge my feelings as selfish due to my lack of regard for those around me. I see people arguing suicide isn't selfish, and I think that's wrong. Suicide is innately selfish. I'm quite selfish for my thoughts and impulses, and I admit that. Just another flaw. I don't see why it's hard to admit. I hope this isn't breaking the rules, I'm just interested in some discussion so I can better understand others' ways of thinking. ",6.907878151260505,10.466233191176473,5.985336134453782,69.45294117647062,70.02941176470588,7.121008403361344,33.97899159663866,8.192908349453996,3.2734197478991605,678,33,91,11,14,205,77,136,0.225,0.531,0.244,-0.1893,0,0,0,0,0,7,28.0,0,0,0,2,5,14,2,0,3,0,13,0,0,0,1,27,27,7,6,4,5,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,10,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,1,7,17,3,12,24,2,7,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,2,1,65,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714012283120513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079372945780085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072348657429886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261425039579485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861526643020693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204275909725938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723040364082888,0.0,0.08216144382871647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811754605116602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289632104039936,0.0,0.0,0.07767519854006044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284410398217866,0.0,0.0,0.19323947082375573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7957601989436102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538289551733364,0.0,0.09625814300080572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622445969590332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624179317241988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881668285182074,0.0,0.0,0.11687968571853727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256672085812782,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riskiergalaxy,2019/04/04,"Please help Give me one reason to live, right here right now.",3.41,5.2529933333333325,1.8733333333333315,103.005,74.0,4.800000000000002,12.0,3.1291,-1.8661000000000003,48,0,11,0,1,13,11,12,0.0,0.667,0.333,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34375225865875964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401876635272061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164206731285089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242820371990738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933495733318759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684330710736433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6120405875580464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cosmicgalaxi,2019/04/04,"I’m going insane I’m in a bad place mentally, I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore.  I feel numb and completely detached from my body. I feel so emotionless. Nothing feels real, it’s like I’m living in a nightmare. I don’t see a point in living anymore, I’m a bad person.  I’m just exhausted being me. I’m exhausted in getting upset over little things. I’m fed up of getting angry so easily. I’m fed up of not having any trust in people. All I do is hurt people, I ruined my relationship, I have no friends because I push people away to the point that I’m completely alone. The only person that loved and cared for me, I ruined it by being selfish, and now they’re gone. I’m completely alone in life so what is the point. Nobody will cares if I die. I have a date in mind.
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suicidewatch,minihiyam,2019/04/04,"I've finally made the decision! Yes as the title says, I've decided to end my worthless life. I'm a piece of dirt, and  should be buried under the ground. The Earth doesn't deserve something like me to walk in it. 
I've never expected that I'd end my own life, but here I am! I've never been this happy in my life.
I just wanted to leave something in this world, so I'm writing now.
Enjoy your life!",1.0047352941176475,2.7894985764705886,3.130220588235293,91.54474264705885,80.88235294117645,6.132352941176473,21.213235294117645,7.1686216300943375,0.5309117647058823,309,9,69,4,8,105,57,85,0.075,0.774,0.151,0.8906,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,1,5,4,0,1,2,12,9,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,7,3,9,5,2,13,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825738799007801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365865861207953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299060319062877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22868298697556594,0.0,0.0,0.6101891699733483,0.1055129283064792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043577700965044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331415832637551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174946985054124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33253133650800604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738578257324215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Almostover01,2019/04/04,"I have a incurable health condition... ..., I've lost all social contacts, I have social anxiety/bipolar, I can't function/work properly due to these issues, I've tried all medical options available but nothing has helped, I'm still young so I have no responsibilities towards anyone or anything, I'm in mental and physical pain with no way to cure it, I don't feel right in this capitalist society that's going to destroy itself within the century, and I don't believe in God.

What is the downside of killing myself? ",6.8328124999999975,7.6455999895833315,7.8583333333333325,67.22,64.72916666666666,10.566666666666666,38.91666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.539991666666666,413,22,66,10,6,140,71,96,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,0,8,3,0,0,2,9,13,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,1,7,0,10,12,2,11,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905316315937007,0.0,0.18718942892070484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562821648959352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501628152811695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927713409892405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417912655180845,0.0,0.0,0.15246916116184872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374208505714274,0.0,0.0,0.2516631977808732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831170303939934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291533188809778,0.22923748387362824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826476663379232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420454116808346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425917553715294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637565170645885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816588068918441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443802402526174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055606330517485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560175437854213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,helpmeplease5026497,2019/04/04,i just want someone to talk to i dont know i feel helpless and i really need someone to talkt to  ,-1.4924242424242422,0.4767794545454542,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,95.36363636363636,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.3238606060606064,76,3,18,1,3,27,15,22,0.0,0.799,0.201,0.4176,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450865099202403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945156909679769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142085491554224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852498998276908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464484326466644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6519094932183068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092069890153276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269058079588517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kosteusmestari,2019/04/04,"I've been in a weird place for years and think I need help. I don't think I can find the words for this, but I'll give it a go. Opening up is hard.

 

Some obligatory context: I'm a 21 year old male living in Finland, or 22? I don't even know, I recently told a girl at a bar that I was 19 for some reason. I can't keep up with getting older. I've read a lot of posts in here. For some reason I don't see myself fitting in most of them.

 

I consider myself fairly attractive, I enjoy talking and being with women. I come from a poor family and managed to get in to a University in Finland and the tests for getting in can be quite challenging for many. I don't see myself as a failure, in fact I am very proud of myself. I have lots of friends, I absolutely love my best friend and I am the luckiest man alive to have met him. I love myself, I love being myself.. I enjoy the smallest things in life and love to sing and dance, going to concerts. I am happy every day, even in work after school and I work at McDonald's.


 

So here's the kicker... I pay a lot of money to enjoy myself, and I don't have a problem with that.. but for example every time I go to a concert I forget all about it the next day, I can't remember anything, not the feeling, can't even recall what songs they played. Happens with everything and im left in my bed wondering is that it?

Really doesn't help my case that a few years ago, my world somehow completely shifted. I never thought about killing myself before, but now when I think about it.. It feels like I've known for years that I want to do it. And I really do. I don't understand why it's such a taboo, a disease one might call it. Honestly the only reason I haven't done it is because people close to me have ""made"" me promise to live for them if I can't live for myself.

I used to think that my world will shift again when I have my own family, holy shit what if it doesn't? I left my last girlfriend because I can't make a commitment to staying alive. We still see each other often because I can't let go. I wish she could just move on on her own...

 

This past week, this day has been my lowest point. I just can't stop crying.",2.4576766430114176,3.5262633822894216,4.325514347423638,87.61231965442768,75.00431965442765,7.451255785251464,24.0277074976859,7.957251820313856,1.1408560197469917,1698,50,374,25,35,579,219,463,0.063,0.7020000000000001,0.234,0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,1,71.0,1,0,3,6,19,22,2,0,24,0,43,7,1,6,4,72,80,21,1,7,9,0,3,1,3,2,1,3,1,4,23,20,1,3,16,8,3,7,18,4,0,1,8,9,66,18,54,65,13,59,0,0,3,4,25,26,1,14,25,259,89,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874805741112143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361243615484802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382136976461876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183089756450434,0.0,0.06599381292949598,0.0,0.08138945921472104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919259031906195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668069881485265,0.08131521318471098,0.0,0.0,0.061921563334208375,0.0,0.08519080995530634,0.15005017760350606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936595624937717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367355076875394,0.0,0.1306873007524646,0.0,0.06970166571758639,0.0,0.14622439130115755,0.0,0.07842853813573998,0.05540549230358515,0.0,0.0,0.07088410140962878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983800095773064,0.0,0.12155826506899466,0.07439807104608523,0.17630576309803658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858185912837159,0.08255901500845217,0.06947427837993934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396731020888632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377298793316303,0.0,0.0,0.06893467737153337,0.0858034029716672,0.0,0.04262234193015346,0.06321788699389817,0.0,0.0,0.16852803097811145,0.07930550653888323,0.05477957279341709,0.03788958192793774,0.0,0.20544814290137348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978041226048829,0.27998659570458106,0.07338466097909152,0.0517687374012582,0.07862885953130344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227387351296253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242896629310995,0.0,0.05750624161866486,0.05981539663087821,0.0,0.08248089746081473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138119779519981,0.0,0.052553450433433006,0.058984269006669934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403526997894233,0.05376705125709064,0.0,0.08102873853447128,0.0,0.07331478753591866,0.0,0.07427649957030642,0.0,0.0,0.07420990849875571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248956408107644,0.07757624624328124,0.0,0.09936776926394246,0.2392191682266852,0.07657646161911291,0.0,0.08785498960032671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849006227076452,0.1854045001854561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960935854508629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266358670679133,0.061935729771124326,0.06483966895847877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233597919310872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152426774191257,0.1987771128948784,0.0,0.06157021239248319,0.04522309502433547,0.0,0.0,0.07410737323478822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807377594281883,0.0,0.066982842609154,0.0,0.06399121066205186,0.045744100962146615,0.0,0.062210150459103365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998155801786278,0.0,0.08918472002344574,0.0,0.084105369762212,0.11292230400830605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977217538631947
suicidewatch,Poys01,2019/04/04,I'm between wanting to live and just end it Denial and not being successful in anything have me made take this decision to think about this.... Even if I try I'm not happy with the world... I don't have friends never had. In 20 years. I doubt I'm able to maintain relationships and friendship. Most of us don't do all their live.,1.422430703624734,3.6620429701492547,2.7607675906183395,92.31701492537312,81.98507462686567,5.619616204690832,23.004264392324096,6.868970318607317,0.6496712153518129,257,9,55,3,7,83,48,67,0.16399999999999998,0.794,0.043,-0.8033,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,1,2,16,14,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,9,11,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,3,37,9,1,0.2669173439786339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196502312627868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23640954150005095,0.0,0.0,0.17629638834046238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621967784079293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841384759730993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713858097711349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525636446639646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586311060862575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865693364056168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068862439861332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102985637153353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121935564687466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210687001405563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157434765068518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718860182933634
suicidewatch,SadStuffGoesHere,2019/04/04,"It's Hard Not to Want To I do try to improve myself. I take the meds. I go to therapy. When people offer me critiques, I try to listen. But at the end of the day... none of it feels like it matters.

What does it matter if each one of your previous jobs has said the same thing: Hey, you're a nice guy, but your output just doesn't match your enthusiasm! Even though I've *tried*. What does it matter if the thoughts of worthlessness still linger in my head? What does it matter if it feels like nothing I do can ever fix this gaping hole in my head where all my potential is leaking out?

My friends and family, if nothing else, ensure that I would only feel worse if I did it. I hate myself now, but I cannot even begin to imagine how much I would hate myself if I caused that much grief and pain. So... I'm just numb. I'm typing this out at work because I need to put it out there somewhere.

I'm just so tired of feeling like every step I take leads to two more back.",1.826056215589681,3.3002070098522225,3.192181976238772,93.4447551434367,77.42364532019705,5.958736598087512,20.315560707041442,6.522977012572876,0.041219878296146366,745,17,170,6,17,243,117,203,0.181,0.7170000000000001,0.103,-0.9757,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,0,2,16,11,2,0,6,0,10,5,2,3,2,39,28,16,1,10,13,0,5,3,1,2,3,2,0,1,17,6,0,0,6,0,0,4,4,6,0,2,3,7,24,5,20,23,7,20,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,6,11,114,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436531541297953,0.0,0.07480993257492193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606886192201092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914526285972442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32218342977877346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251812795985517,0.0,0.1086948890526207,0.0,0.0,0.1621128846953934,0.11100868981117584,0.1033982192058398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569097822010413,0.0,0.2482068611551723,0.26301695139903003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481438380678617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974549874051117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151365272140015,0.0,0.0,0.10993442551396536,0.24232429480298645,0.2518954806187711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178222614895552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986668675129008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631600334327934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042895513201948,0.09099649227361613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355093205377891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315931474063848,0.09333528722886048,0.13058440746848718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507968746653354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336907800230322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167363200267106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800560768606427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845427018276726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403428153947065,0.0,0.08153076082716759,0.0,0.12057332356498553,0.09742722178593974,0.0,0.14105039647583206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499596796885655,0.0,0.11988114585615416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238436407248089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934276762816308,0.0,0.12506376851233428,0.17435577052256504,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgressiveMilkah,2019/04/04,Im ready to die. I'm finally ready. I've acknowledged my fate. ,-2.611666666666668,-1.5614569285714277,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,118.28571428571428,7.580952380952381,18.952380952380953,7.793537801064563,1.7195523809523818,49,2,12,2,3,18,11,14,0.231,0.473,0.29600000000000004,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592500339575189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5902931325061691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5820596337443169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,__MCW,2019/04/04,"Deserved I deserve all the bad in the world. I did things that I regret and will always feel guilty about, I made others life worse. I don’t know why I did, but I couldn’t stop. Everyday I put on a fake smile and act like everything is fine then at night  lash out and cry all to myself. I can’t deal with the guilt anymore and feel that there’s only one option left.",3.640000000000001,3.862029153846154,4.2606666666666655,92.30100000000002,71.56410256410257,7.2656410256410275,22.01025641025641,6.742157984588678,0.2520379487179483,286,5,67,2,5,91,59,78,0.262,0.634,0.104,-0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,4,0,7,1,0,1,2,17,11,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,3,2,10,2,7,6,2,12,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,5,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127858507326192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518166004038977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21200938666576755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27891497765855505,0.0,0.26177641049035755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282034710854836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567752786174856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954568049582874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758806496836951,0.0,0.17934849228264008,0.12405060947849915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402616090656037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382831144532201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720601607287329,0.19311468080691507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552558718916267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122852785227657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686906133848047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911983935008096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587622586680308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AgainReallyAgain,2019/04/04,"I'm out of trys I keep getting back to this place, alone, unemployed no friends no family, no future but this.

​

It's been like this for all of my life.

​

I try so hard to be better and I always return to this place.

​

Over and over and over.

​

I'm exhausted, out of trys.",1.0680737704918035,3.6455189836065567,2.085389344262296,93.69234631147543,88.67213114754101,5.017213114754099,20.739754098360656,6.6274283507984215,0.4258016393442623,242,8,49,3,8,76,37,61,0.177,0.687,0.13699999999999998,0.0774,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,12,4,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720539470216132,0.0,0.0,0.094162814227353,0.4904593625213514,0.5500341843264431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701733293748247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000857444979998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668242166715787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743143353964289,0.0,0.05912433612396911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137411679677176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058675236600136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993218411089845,0.05528697804873789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364678553166641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683198914493905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500341843264431,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckinglostinmyhead,2019/04/04,"Just Want It To Stop Going nowhere.  I made a huge mistake about a year and a half ago and hoped that I might be able to hang on to some of my relationships and rebuild my life, but that hasn’t really happened.  The person I loved left me because I had to move to find work (among other things), the job I moved for is nothing but a fucking dumpster fire day in and day out and I go home hating myself, I can’t travel right now due to personal stuff and am stuck in a back water part of the fucking world with no hope of improvement right now.  

The only reason I haven’t just ended things yet is because I know it would break my parents hearts.  I’m just not so sure that that’s enough for me to keep suffering through this hell I’ve created for myself.  

Haven’t said this out loud to anyone and hope this is the right place for me to give voice to these feelings.  ",7.571298882681563,5.11517860893855,7.3094343575419005,82.50984986033521,64.58659217877096,10.290782122905028,32.43086592178771,8.07648339933343,2.078725698324022,677,18,150,6,8,215,111,179,0.155,0.7120000000000001,0.132,-0.7576,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,4,0,10,0,12,6,1,2,1,32,31,10,0,6,6,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,1,2,14,10,1,2,4,1,0,6,6,6,0,1,4,5,17,5,26,24,3,31,1,1,0,3,7,13,3,5,11,102,31,2,0.125648662382537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137995799564747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785646621478596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966160655431049,0.0,0.1531885167193487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206598516449466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128742037208364,0.1298286562457706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353173902049505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484060110019165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323203273941674,0.0,0.1205336461875018,0.14281806081311332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111069718379753,0.0,0.0,0.12405204097983512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889426989802848,0.0,0.0,0.12603585313541138,0.3743924179697217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468690950800687,0.11168230433290514,0.0,0.0,0.06905321884904121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365176393216508,0.0,0.08874936611319129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340282345154587,0.1188918024039149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329337469440364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670892865655291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056328031920835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556146968749243,0.0,0.0,0.1395179700591269,0.1360652569875237,0.0,0.0,0.2194231309951884,0.13127610923519326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049375054013301,0.12918775168441668,0.0,0.13489964069962912,0.0,0.3219098134261774,0.11952065117995905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050479079264685,0.0,0.0,0.14383765724890776,0.0,0.0,0.11842237730470148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166950776297058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741108365178087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914737226828334,0.0,0.0,0.08925720472031436,0.0,0.0,0.08091361902113865
suicidewatch,MathewJumeirah,2019/04/04,"I tried dehydrating myself to death  I wanted to talk about this to my close ones but it's not easy to walk up to someone and confess something like this , especially when they know you for the happy cheering person they're used to , but I need to tell someone or else I might go mad , I felt better talking about it rather than writing .. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZLNYCWFy9c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZLNYCWFy9c) ",10.155671641791043,13.057865462686568,7.0718208955223885,68.22802985074628,58.55223880597014,7.151044776119402,28.32537313432836,7.554174236665415,1.6298083582089549,354,10,52,3,5,99,51,67,0.122,0.6679999999999999,0.21,0.8443,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,4,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,15,7,5,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,9,4,12,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,2,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234719698625806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107892444339224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24260921603342786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436019672996754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689790002370987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886448280618102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344505158322144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680500032720178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18735653976004848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122024233389346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206275109924352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281842235874187,0.1945228354815154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061838518893763,0.2208505356858082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715508641994772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182315042906537,0.0,0.0,0.14903523912298888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,taratorial,2019/04/04,"I don’t want to struggle for the rest of my life I’m mid-30’s and have always struggled with anxiety and depression.  I’m in another devastating bout and it gets harder to pull through each time because I know another episode is just waiting for me.  The bad outweighs the good.  I have a degree but no job, no income, my spouse left me, and I feel like nobody gets me.  Literally the only things keeping me here are my dog, and knowing how devastated my mother would be.  I’m adopted and an only child.  She waited so long for me.  But I hate that I’m living just to keep her happy.  I also don’t want it to hurt... or be violent.  I would like to maybe OD or somehow have carbon monoxide poisoning but I don’t know how.  Would be helpful if it looked like an accident.  I have nothing to look forward to.  ",1.1831481481481492,3.5237400308642,3.2891358024691364,87.51111111111112,83.87654320987654,6.0691358024691375,24.43209876543209,7.3871296695380915,1.2824543209876538,623,25,126,10,18,211,97,162,0.227,0.6509999999999999,0.122,-0.9672,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,3,2,7,0,15,2,0,2,0,32,34,16,1,6,8,2,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,8,0,4,4,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,0,3,20,5,14,28,2,6,0,2,2,0,6,3,0,4,6,85,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194850787589218,0.12432312391424535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31334395342926485,0.11430011191825165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475315110753755,0.09108044003687638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286887204524352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554742183313806,0.10674028098514778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612367210139047,0.0,0.0,0.12532007053734312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905232664612556,0.0,0.14751385706822898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014801280132707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994911322824468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826879753178066,0.26560929345922824,0.0,0.0,0.2463395178734964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233705931093498,0.0,0.10553442897279952,0.21898612140674825,0.0,0.1319339268208878,0.13222531261370707,0.25093764762305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010488399509306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336527122174048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272697953111805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123966581060013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926298978070557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871235985679213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625466310662305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184149434888145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lordofbunchies,2019/04/04,"I feel terrible but I honestly have no right to I've always been a high achiever. Compared to most people who feel like this I've lived a pretty cushy and easy life but I just feel like trash. Despite all of my advantages I've managed to achieve nothing. I don't have any passions, I won't have any impact on the world, and I'm honestly a selfish sack of shit. I'm never anyone's first choice (for valid reasons), I blow up too easily, I'm arrogant, I'm a failure I, I, I, I, I, I, I... god I'm fucking annoying. I just don't care anymore, I want to do it but I know I'll never have the balls to do it I'll just float on through life and be miserable and die alone.
...and at the end of the day I can't even be eloquent in a whiny rant like this. ",-0.20762912482065946,1.604142103658539,2.4906456241033013,94.3883572453372,85.28048780487805,5.810043041606886,22.4519368723099,7.048011613610866,0.6110370157819229,571,21,137,8,17,199,89,164,0.257,0.564,0.179,-0.9451,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,5,14,3,1,9,0,13,5,1,1,3,21,25,8,1,1,6,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,3,18,8,15,21,2,13,0,1,0,2,1,8,2,1,8,79,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919716746116052,0.0,0.0,0.15423004358546902,0.0,0.0,0.2520952426616638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838221570935389,0.12960438715276945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898157371482646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953851315965615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923690205494994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416933820073368,0.0,0.0,0.12242509848540528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28116287128044753,0.26483501492481754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766269974735844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713575275235942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583752481732236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186615163847626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618431562493489,0.2716649806231714,0.0,0.16367168587255915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859140998634799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785293140175065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850168124229114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885724697143887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905756070790512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829198800069114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026404045758136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932706449617224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwmeaway0007000,2019/04/04,"it’s getting worse i didn’t know it could get worse but here i am. i feel like i’m losing my mind, i don’t know what i’m doing and i don’t know who i am. am i a good person? or am i a piece of shit? will i ever do anything with my life? probably not because i won’t live that long. i wish i could be happy, or at least cope like most people do. i’ve lost almost all my motivation to keep going. if it weren’t for my little brother and sister i would already be gone. i’m supposed to be the role model, i’m supposed to be the one that leads the way. but i’m the furthest behind and my brother is just 2. my sister has her plans, she’s going to make it. my brother is so smart for his age and he has more support and reinforcement than i ever have. i’m 20 and i’ve done nothing of worth. nothing at all. my mom told me today that i need to get my shit together but how am i supposed to do that? i’m not like her.",-1.6243269230769215,0.2322090673076964,1.5992307692307683,97.84576923076924,92.94230769230772,3.969230769230769,16.653846153846153,5.369823440869387,-0.7783615384615383,698,18,174,4,26,248,106,208,0.104,0.735,0.161,0.9365,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,5,6,11,2,0,6,0,28,3,2,4,4,37,52,14,0,6,9,6,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,5,0,1,4,7,4,0,1,6,1,30,7,15,37,6,13,0,2,0,0,15,3,2,5,8,116,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951403346326224,0.0,0.1537487909433454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465274461194315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493133118535645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22247962439894411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257802278927398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520551877082164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044699280451706,0.09953393013359554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183749545305546,0.0,0.1583634110693996,0.11685934335264488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831423546827716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383861375483478,0.0,0.0,0.22970841124707064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984094887433276,0.20420172316540186,0.13964042356391215,0.12302667871249445,0.12329839219194864,0.0,0.15586922855828636,0.15208988262255407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300063364418236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406787057558903,0.16317595660318054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330784905141037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673725187467744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441034175924508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659053102514203,0.12165336545703599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021609921419166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860305721313569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810455318362873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206397141943746,0.1331311717170394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058983583434777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021707095676374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28396850464133444,0.09897260417591973,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anoonymmous,2019/04/04,"Another one rejected me As written in the title, another girl rejected me and I dunno what to anymore. I want someone who's gonna stay beside me, but it's not possible for me to find someone like that. Everybody's happy around me, but how can I be happy, when everything and everyone is against me?
What if there's only one and final solution?",3.1459313725490183,5.194426044117648,5.6623529411764775,74.65225490196082,75.32352941176471,9.827450980392157,31.92156862745098,10.125756701596842,3.9430215686274517,273,14,48,9,6,97,48,68,0.057,0.706,0.237,0.9383,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,6,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,9,3,7,3,0,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43975043240548606,0.0,0.0,0.2079532670106749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866659828006226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003650181014296,0.1884532524038787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297019779208757,0.1916502183533968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.446431652197313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244252950100584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841788229094685,0.15947649486614254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639070875030535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35533441311860103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349855788789744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367888939034152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilovecats2140,2019/04/04,"Help me hi this looks like i'm making it up or looking for attention or trolling but i really mean this. I will tell you my problem in many different categories
1. My life and mental problems

I am a 17 year old boy in Belgium with a big problem. I want to end my life because I always end up arguing an uncomfortable situation with everyone and was alway got bullied at my school. I couldn't do anything about it either because I'm very weak. My mental problems are autism (heavy), dislection.

2. Family

This is the part that is the hardest for me, ok. I'l Get started with my brothers. My brothers have a big fight with my 2 sisters and no longer talk to each other for ten years, because my sisters often do things that should not be done in our faith. (My brothers also do a lot of things that should not be done in my faith, such as drugs, but we will come back later) And so there was a fight every day in my house between my parents and my brothers. My brother always hit me and abused me. And he has alot been in prison. He sells drugs and still uses violent drugs. He often gets mad at me for no reason and punches me. I have a lot of lip marks and burns from him. Sometimes I can't sleep because of him and I went to school tired. My 2 brothers have ar alot older than me , one is 26 and the other is 30. I also hate one of my sisters because since I was a child i got sexually abuse be her .


A. Sorry for my English I know it is not good but I hope you understand me

B. If you have advice please let me know

C. I try once to kil my self, but failed and broke my arm instead I still have suicidal thoughts

 

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suicidewatch,PrevuDeTuer,2019/04/04,"Suicide Chat Lines Suck I've been sitting here at my college for a few hours now just scouring through the internet to find some chat thing I could talk to because I have been thinking about my pretty solid plan to kill myself a lot lately. Every ""trained listener"" tapped out on talking to me; Not to be a pussy, but it kind of hurts like I have no hope. Then there is just bland people in general that don't help at all on the other side. They just give you ""why"" or some rhetorical answer to your story. Honestly, It just sucks at this point; i'm practically day dreaming of the day I get to end my life all the time. 

​",7.61095238095238,5.936358031746032,7.303174603174603,80.1057142857143,63.92063492063492,10.304761904761904,34.49206349206349,8.841846274778883,2.6604063492063488,496,17,102,6,6,157,94,126,0.151,0.745,0.104,-0.7633,0,0,0,0,0,3,17.0,0,2,1,1,8,8,3,0,7,0,8,1,0,0,2,19,16,3,2,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,12,4,19,12,6,18,0,1,0,0,10,9,2,5,9,70,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080900988781965,0.2333662614053881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707415022311315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333924833710036,0.0,0.0,0.2477174908347209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701025696913538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181352170025673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175533598377329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034012919558738,0.18423540488414164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287295438021791,0.0,0.0,0.19075265397377114,0.18913420383578644,0.0,0.20559745322437575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124789589925004,0.1999943698857898,0.0,0.0,0.21664493383906666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356532048623129,0.09382773463387772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327718404280042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314585067185994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155281952549407,0.0,0.0,0.1953876529138567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007557134440785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30873097122041904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759194150222092,0.12306025331356915,0.0,0.0,0.11198805432417007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173298588183254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333662614053881,0.0
suicidewatch,Natdaprat,2019/04/04,Anyone else considering ending it after Game of Thrones and Avengers: End Game? Maybe it's silly but that's all I am excited for and I kind of need to see how GoT ends.,0.843,3.161226371428576,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,85.28571428571428,5.7857142857142865,20.17857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.4665714285714286,133,4,29,2,4,44,29,35,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,5,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923456319955548,0.2818568032573198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22979798514099056,0.0,0.7309302363343029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001037974627902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28645840430549885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763595747561128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039718340112796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920690619722052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Crimson_Elephant,2019/04/04,Convince me not to do it (I doubt you can) IQ of 164. Suicide is the optimal solution and I can and will disprove any of your silly little counterpoints and dispositions on the spot,3.7816190476190457,5.8545304000000025,5.48,76.55333333333336,73.57142857142857,9.23809523809524,31.666666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.451952380952381,144,7,26,4,3,49,29,35,0.163,0.653,0.184,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166850130662079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6141276335869585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6702393971939402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,POORPEOPLESUCK54,2019/04/04,"I AM GOING TO LOSE IT! NEED SOME ADVICE TO MAKE ""THIS WORK""!!!   

I am trying to FUCK my Wife's younger sister. She is only 11 and has down syndrome but has allowed me to French kiss her a bunch of times. I have felt her breast(nice C CUP TITS TO BOAST) and have rubbed her ass while frenching her . NICE CURVES. I have also felt her soft PUSSY FUR and I have put part of my finger in her, but her camel toe is small and tight. . We are going to be alone this weekend for about 5 hours. I want her pussy so bad. I know she is so tight and I would ROCK her world. Any ideas? I really WANT THIS. NEED HER PUSSY BAD. I will use lube as well because I don't want to hurt her too badly. Thanks Family Have a blessed day PS I promise NOT to get her pregnant!!! I JUST KNOW HER SLIT is SO TIGHT AND SMALL!! Can't wait to see the look in her eyes, the moment I POP HER! WOW!\\ This is what love is all about. Caring and SHARING while we suffer the burden of taking care of these rejects. God Bless you all",-0.0990000000000002,1.9852561714285741,1.1958333333333329,102.07375000000002,87.28571428571428,3.8809523809523814,14.464285714285715,4.7782277997778095,-1.3517142857142859,756,12,184,2,24,238,126,210,0.168,0.608,0.224,0.9313,1,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,0,2,9,21,1,0,5,0,21,8,5,3,2,34,44,16,0,6,4,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,4,5,2,0,3,3,9,1,0,2,11,37,12,20,39,5,16,2,4,3,5,24,6,3,1,7,114,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884527674641101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577575144692758,0.0,0.12181019629146615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358277848097913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815423477700158,0.09285281806266216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106006488724035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823375639960244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359367777005308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925020474390166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081732465175112,0.07958087880908253,0.0,0.17313385755979804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000445260309614,0.0,0.16306163984114733,0.1719506651857924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742210457401382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791038191285495,0.17040704436039064,0.0,0.0,0.13747468751890599,0.0,0.10167473881493147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22588660223588866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584617370438448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494764519273064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312360484797818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758005017800736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137926657264135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452563401548338,0.0,0.0,0.14023573051763805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881897851521453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341523673067284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315555172725127,0.0,0.0,0.2695267308684878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369539136708694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108907261677369,0.0,0.0,0.10820371093299236,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway17454,2019/04/04,"I will stay, but am very unsatisfied. I am very ""done"" with life circumstances.
I know that if I were to leave there would
be a lot of devistation here on Earth. 

I won't do it because of that. But I am hurting.

Idk how I could possibly change everything that needs to change to make me not feel this low. There is a lot wrong right now. I'm not happy with my job, my home life, or my long term relationship. I have trauma that's my fault... I've made bad life choices. I may even be a bad person.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I feel lost.",-0.4078136645962722,1.7136007217391338,1.6709627329192571,97.71315217391306,89.6086956521739,5.372670807453416,16.909937888198755,6.868970318607317,-0.2645279503105593,413,10,102,6,14,137,73,115,0.308,0.6920000000000001,0.0,-0.9897,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,3,0,17,3,0,3,0,21,26,5,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,2,16,1,9,15,3,7,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,5,3,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570182230442577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643935078908046,0.09651490494548662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349787617875829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641153448018652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202388594133807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457374521187272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229444550082032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601101671039305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854244645056676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881527735363346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694927412854904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711550025853582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402518142022866,0.0,0.0,0.16764584107212746,0.0,0.0,0.3354939450225104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011475431093948,0.0,0.0,0.17283304476236575,0.2692085634211415,0.0,0.14981320080060648,0.10568475956710173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173977505375386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382453664568109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849033855399946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998436016138424,0.0,0.1352107225320178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875592731471906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612733496205508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247123235827887,0.17310614190846849,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArchOfAce,2019/04/04,"A friend of mine is cutting herself, and talking about suicide, I don’t know how to help. She’s threatened suicide to me, when I tried to reach out to help her with her addiction. I don’t know what to do, so I went to the only place I know how, she doesn’t live in the same country as me, and I don’t know what to do.",6.52347417840376,3.0730263239436617,7.101971830985918,86.29784037558686,67.45070422535211,10.030046948356807,34.93427230046949,6.42735559955562,1.9605173708920187,243,8,62,1,3,81,41,71,0.182,0.687,0.131,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,11,12,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,14,1,13,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597289696995041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407228221554997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31938950771904057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5237465037636722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103801701105991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812007697742436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489217895473421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212162750968345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914972857109623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161756922156112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086124466101734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sock_puppet_strings,2019/04/04,"I don't know how to write my suicide letter I took a sick day from work, left my parents at home, checked into a hotel where I'll hang myself today. I've done everything I need to do, done all the research. I just can't seem to write my letters. I've been sitting here wracking my brain to figure out what I need to write. But everything's just a blank.",3.4656000000000016,3.9429603600000007,4.577333333333332,88.96200000000002,72.06666666666666,7.066666666666667,27.0,6.742157984588678,1.0458000000000005,277,9,61,2,5,91,50,75,0.117,0.883,0.0,-0.8316,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,6,2,1,1,1,15,11,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,10,0,9,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,2,37,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515703779144926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453351403584442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612322054692132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050685523498938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260491414906013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238490512792245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448485442775353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341953137524302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502297288414678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515445795510664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465014686233088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360990848791825,0.0,0.2503773669989541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406090780524268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noidontknowhy,2019/04/04,"I don't know where to start but i am thinking so clear now . I have very bad anxiety and bit of depression too. 
It's been almost 9 years of pure hell . But I always used to think maybe someday I will find cure to my mental problems and tried everything I can but I have failed  . I had a great childhood ,I cherish those good old days. Its so hard to explain how I feel , I find it so hard to talk to people I can't connect with them anymore, it so difficult to get a good night sleep . The real hell or heaven  is in our minds. i am or many of us are unlucky to have hell as a state of mind . I only wished to live a good life but I am just crippling through life . I made many good friends in my life but it's very difficult now to make friends, I am 27 . I want to thank my few friends because of them I experienced so many good things ,they unknowingly dragged me to parties or many other great experiences . Nobody knows about my mental health issues except my psychiatrist .My parents they are great . My dad he worked hard and with honesty . My mom, she worries a lot about me , to give an idea , even now she would worry about anything bad that had happened to me (like tooth ach ) 15 - 20 years ago . Right now I am living away from home coz' of the job . Whenever I am home she feels so happy . They did a great job as parents  raising me and my younger brother. My brother he is such a charismatic guy ,with a great personality . A brother everyone would want . I feel so proud whenever I see him , how my little brother has grown up to such a wonderful man  . My best memories are with him . I still remember how as kids we used to climb trees , play video games, Bike riding , go to market to buy candies and many many other beautiful things . God I miss those times , I miss that mental state . 

Now to the point
I quit porn and masturbation few days back my mind is calmer and so clear . I was living in a fog and delusions. I can think straight now , there is no end to this misery . Only solution is to die . Hhh I really really don't want to die  but I am suffering so much I don't see any other better option. I just want to end this suffering , this misery . I am not going to kill me just right now . I don't know when I am gonna put on end to all this tommorow , day after tomorrow or maybe some other day . 


I want a fool proof method to die because that would be so embarrassing if I survived and the shame would be overwhelming. I don't have a gun, I wish I had . I have my antidepressants I am not sure they will work or not , overdosing them with alcohol might do the job .But I am afraid so afraid to die . Gun would have been much much better .


Nobody is or will be responsible for my sucide . if in case I did it , I take full responsibility for it . So don't worry about giving me ideas on that . I will appreciate that very much .
",1.897864374465847,3.8291418066202105,3.373494839261064,90.166051870357,78.66898954703835,6.6317270396423655,22.328446518966537,7.636893063338952,0.816486989678523,2183,66,478,33,53,717,257,574,0.198,0.58,0.223,0.9537,5,0,2,2,0,2,64.0,3,0,7,10,38,45,4,5,19,0,58,8,2,8,6,90,94,43,5,15,22,8,6,1,3,11,5,0,2,4,24,15,1,0,16,4,1,6,11,21,0,0,9,9,83,24,59,71,12,50,4,7,2,1,37,15,3,15,28,316,107,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049325331592733467,0.0594668547164241,0.05571974788262196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630053115541494,0.0,0.0,0.037840045187175056,0.0,0.0425677518897354,0.0,0.05518421258078966,0.0,0.0,0.04579053350579502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227966959589515,0.04278704675292795,0.09292136454960624,0.06784052103589541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839528002823152,0.0984257569055624,0.060749184823976565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354393020069395,0.0,0.04792637059834798,0.0,0.23100007293593006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478530521308185,0.0,0.0,0.036752548043514265,0.0,0.0,0.05317053158917416,0.05000952613869253,0.054430821494189895,0.0,0.0,0.08440631915047184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171579935049258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897198896766518,0.0,0.02907186015215605,0.10675820270128084,0.06324789786070201,0.2333590746286016,0.0,0.3067402918484879,0.0,0.055096624404378035,0.04920608770838989,0.05923441249996096,0.14953914105951244,0.0,0.0,0.059147309273562265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163157825432404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563132667444332,0.0,0.05807821240627119,0.1656552022670703,0.0,0.061562194813053125,0.0,0.09174198783791032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790968476615332,0.027185003662419625,0.055770226134653336,0.1474048599383724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730681033186159,0.0,0.052652000258969565,0.03714301515727077,0.3384876357404619,0.11180439550068937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822915823755366,0.059029829281968815,0.16855469996649206,0.06516995413819128,0.0,0.0,0.16361990854435912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052218424128148144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838935262791424,0.0,0.0,0.08464002437509828,0.0,0.0,0.12357286284091472,0.0,0.0,0.038576764666378265,0.0485864732319095,0.0,0.0,0.05260186748600381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053244098553617975,0.0,0.05593790986920301,0.0,0.05918458287347789,0.0,0.06333541735172246,0.07129435147910516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303416645211618,0.0950398891382934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868263623066118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568450487092387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039385335535915375,0.0,0.04443762519905664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524441123310754,0.0,0.041837603024247424,0.04472479601089672,0.0,0.051229813077647485,0.0,0.0,0.07393522630739778,0.10696389879010572,0.0,0.0,0.03244665001056727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037778840153912766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693326470418788,0.0961176518185055,0.0,0.13773717267604824,0.16410230582052415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797644191906776,0.0,0.060343890554490874,0.08101945420968505,0.16952852158901044,0.0,0.19764063926303727,0.0,0.0,0.07166623439993998
suicidewatch,kuku007i,2019/04/04,"A Ticking Time Bomb My depressive episodes are back again. Can't sleep, no appetite, daily crying episodes. My family don't understand. They're Christian conservatives who let their fundamentalist beliefs dictate their lives so since depression wasn't mentioned in the Bible it's a ""man made hoax"" according to them. I already have one failed suicide attempt and I did try to work on myself for a year and half but to no avail. Tried several different antidepressants and they didn't work. I've decided to that if my condition doesn't improve by the 15th of May. I'll kill myself the following day( which is also my birthday). Other than that I'm numb. ",4.787795454545456,7.407371825000002,5.086212121212121,78.02727272727277,72.41666666666666,8.696969696969697,31.74242424242424,9.339509955726095,3.294833333333333,529,25,90,13,11,167,92,120,0.222,0.747,0.03,-0.9715,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,4,4,4,5,1,0,6,0,11,2,1,1,0,11,15,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,2,4,0,12,0,10,9,0,8,2,3,0,0,7,2,0,2,5,58,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282070001353274,0.16537647776408976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901508161859554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715815607438905,0.1333677567683224,0.0,0.3562300420679467,0.0,0.0,0.2160601459732664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194950976041295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879161278284846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146521134579271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260663458444112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956774948013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013183936234966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362314835093584,0.0,0.17106564107057112,0.0,0.2069475871534674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22620370977938506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058571673510722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28080486064952465,0.0,0.0,0.21528426090685973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011031632596966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317128637329964
suicidewatch,ForeverThrowawaySad,2019/04/04,"Need advice and help feeling suicidal Basically, I went to college for business but then switched to computer science since I was doing bad. I started to do bad in compsci and lost interest in it. My parents new I switched into comp sci but not that I dropped it. This is my 6th year at uni and just last year I switched in religious studies since I like it and am doing good in it. My parents do not know that. They think I am in comp sci set to graduate this year. None of my friends know either. 

I just do not know what to do. My parents pay rent for my place and government covers for school with loans. I just feel like shit wasting there time. I am to scared to tell them. I feel like atlus holding up all this pressure. 

My parents tell everyone I am in comp sci and everyone asks me questions about that I just give a yes or no answer too. Honestly the pressure to go to university and have it as your only path to success is mentally degrading.

My parents are Indian so they just want me to get a job etc. But I feel like I just fucked myself for life and do not know what to do.

Everyday I hope I can just die or something without telling them and this has caused me depression and anxiety.

This is my story I have set a date to off myself but I don't  know I am so lost

Tldr I have dug my own grave and am about to lay in it soon",1.4684021928065256,3.497346667870037,3.1078620136381865,91.05362080492048,80.5162454873646,6.558577349913089,25.421714132905468,7.662118739084242,1.3029113250434547,1045,42,228,17,27,345,137,277,0.21600000000000005,0.6579999999999999,0.127,-0.9868,7,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,4,3,14,22,2,3,4,1,25,3,1,1,1,50,47,21,3,3,19,5,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,16,13,0,1,12,0,3,2,8,12,0,0,4,4,42,10,35,43,5,28,0,4,0,1,18,12,2,4,15,162,58,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633321164912312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541497754414017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216088364125342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462374238206398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127089299360073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490855170855534,0.0,0.10231257548133928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994501430517993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883986946829806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938413096703256,0.21128105017011944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616422620433591,0.0911374914680826,0.05150503804430205,0.0945688590769963,0.05602643533107382,0.08268592345879093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607745180428226,0.0,0.0,0.097914192245257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782744608643194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708905077006247,0.08035750607792158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963139805855642,0.19264878690792314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522784627388336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934749215492396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730973207129861,0.0,0.0952111318391222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497607054887379,0.0,0.0,0.5473183491315582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299723162051533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043442699368997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986978025080438,0.09977027002797774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119302965256766,0.16309613581245674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589325736588895,0.0,0.0,0.06977686307473792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078327323376422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584950990875857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316737958650705,0.0,0.0,0.05748397021923905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581462311679217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138652270543664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502955198708968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904507714646716
suicidewatch,ommilommi,2019/04/04,M14 I feel like i don’t deserve suicide. All the people on this subreddit have experienced terrible things but i’m just tired of life. I don’t know what i deserve. But death is on the top of that list,0.6007142857142861,2.9363366904761925,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,86.85714285714286,6.217142857142857,22.685714285714287,7.554174236665415,1.039480000000001,159,6,35,3,5,53,31,42,0.298,0.618,0.084,-0.9011,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,1,6,7,2,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207774006976128,0.3119344275928268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399649435438344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084104837380616,0.21331937609474125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027099599681652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776113372746292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900830278187612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018513953461351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,owain221,2019/04/04,"I keep wishing there was a suicide button on my desk that could kill me as soon as i pressed it. You may wonder why I would want such a thing.

In school there are 2 kinds of people, the good and the bad. I am one of the good ones, however due to my thoughts I have been suffering greatly.

Not only am I being laughed at all the time, but I made the worst mistake of having feelings for another boy in my year group, and it is painful for me to know that I will never be with him and that he is too cute for a boy like me. It hurts and I want it all to stop.

Sure you may say ""don't you have friends to talk to"" and while I do, one of them is in the same boat as me and has even tried slitting her wrists and failed, my other friend is acting strangely towards me as of recent and that's possibly my fault too.",7.810685714285714,3.914375211428574,7.7131428571428575,84.29085714285716,65.45714285714286,10.914285714285716,34.714285714285715,7.447530270364453,2.1483142857142847,622,17,153,4,7,201,107,175,0.214,0.667,0.12,-0.9724,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,3,1,1,7,19,1,0,9,0,22,2,1,1,4,31,31,14,2,6,2,0,2,1,2,4,1,1,0,2,10,9,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,9,0,3,4,3,26,10,24,20,4,15,0,3,0,0,14,6,0,3,9,117,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245444655508746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732025395607494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131081890986224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862667063340303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315774839956272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254128371361502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758885648851785,0.0,0.18132172285398665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606170788919231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618282306742927,0.18195462941805535,0.1712635530163285,0.09038490505314307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034861788383217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556194548347851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268444834415169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343344179978381,0.1250819948498714,0.17500088838207606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401836695936142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540802166037945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623879847825212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078807257332553,0.0,0.16644596483187185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749895142066945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798965079413211,0.0,0.15500501652576545,0.0,0.0,0.1321896288570164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926232198636776,0.0,0.0,0.1305657443768813,0.09590006003616873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116600030412112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400980964304915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148402837349505,0.0,0.1891250477207476,0.0,0.17835378151849135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683023772709453,0.0,0.0,0.10590917982722473
suicidewatch,Akutros,2019/04/04,"Information needed So after years of battling suicidal thoughts daily, I finally decided to give in and do it a couple months back. I spent the last 2 months pondering on the right way to go about this, and since im already using weed to cope, and other reasons, I decided the best method for me is to OD.
Can anyone please recommend me some relatively cheap, easy to OD on drug, any drug? 
It would be very appreciated and I love you with all my heart if you can help me out on this one
",5.201993127147766,5.5247568453608284,6.407783505154638,77.91655498281789,68.17525773195877,10.178006872852237,29.56872852233677,10.125756701596842,2.732190378006873,382,13,78,9,6,129,72,97,0.06,0.735,0.205,0.9438,0,0,3,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,3,3,1,0,4,0,6,4,1,2,1,18,13,6,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,10,2,15,9,3,15,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336878043833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532363220767662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885996876850234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170776181667988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340115902934304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391356301498126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42743616775179377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188086841588893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678791957445258,0.1047363480962463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218384733594485,0.12352581335203787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906500323194745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022108186946312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632906964981994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941973039507724,0.0,0.0,0.13664882268267506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487978569808107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229526056401048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948098375171515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738279450393855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244672941142778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158352969532364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463058060992165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916753251196608,0.0,0.1520586870725051,0.0,0.146280955476225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309144461206184,0.0,0.0,0.11867682447550652
suicidewatch,Hungry_Sans,2019/04/04,"Why must I be so lonely I’m so damn lonely. My step-dad dislikes my friends and because of this he doesn’t let me go out with them. At 16 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Everyone I ask out rejects me. Because of my lack of social skills or confidence I’ve found it hard to make friends. 

My step-dad is a control freak and he won’t let me have much privacy. I would get a dating app however he has set up a family thing on iTunes that makes me send him a request for approval before I can download any apps. Getting reddit on mobile was hard for me.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so lonely nobody other than close family would know if I ended it and the thought is too tempting. I’ve spent the last 10 minutes just crying. I can’t handle this anymore.",1.2846790890269162,3.099459621118015,3.4009689440993798,89.79656728778471,80.11801242236025,6.032463768115942,23.15569358178054,7.03164865440522,0.7723462525879916,593,20,128,7,15,202,104,161,0.18,0.7440000000000001,0.076,-0.9339,1,7,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,3,5,8,1,0,7,0,18,0,0,3,2,23,31,9,0,5,3,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,4,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,5,2,18,2,16,19,2,15,0,4,0,0,12,8,1,2,4,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408515450334232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637663584393514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683653079853332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045345423263532,0.0,0.14275465948207686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881613960351229,0.0,0.0,0.18428068520854532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485889548378243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603055250428635,0.0,0.0,0.31630560898900506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394437595998064,0.25922783152430123,0.0,0.1752993497102052,0.0,0.09534404839843273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005668717304406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439722266292072,0.13674990927758282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34309975673346377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239673130397532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332571521632678,0.0,0.1293898048738127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011556519629854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101409354518918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145483144636754,0.0,0.0,0.13318573839214615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513807589135387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383492171315376,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NIGGERSmakemeSICK64,2019/04/04,"I am very depressed and feel I am going to lose it! I need some advice to make ""THIS"" work. Here is the THIS:  I am trying to FUCK my Wife's younger sister. She is only 11 and has down syndrome but has allowed me to French kiss her a bunch of times. I have felt her breast(nice C CUP TITS TO BOAST) and have rubbed her ass while frenching her . NICE CURVES. I have also felt her soft PUSSY FUR and I have put part of my finger in her, but her camel toe is small and tight. . We are going to be alone this weekend for about 5 hours. I want her pussy so bad. I know she is so tight and I would ROCK her world. Any ideas? I really WANT THIS. NEED HER PUSSY BAD. I will use lube as well because I don't want to hurt her too badly. Thanks Family Have a blessed day PS I promise NOT to get her pregnant!!! I JUST KNOW HER SLIT is SO TIGHT AND SMALL!! Can't wait to see the look in her eyes, the moment I POP HER! WOW!\\ This is what love is all about. Caring and SHARING while we suffer the burden of taking care of these rejects. God Bless you all 

​

I NEED THIS TO HAPPEN OR ELSE!!",0.13890829694323514,2.1776891266375564,1.3797799126637535,101.48519825327507,85.68122270742359,4.0133449781659385,15.273537117903931,4.744908652037736,-1.237421799126638,826,14,200,2,25,260,134,229,0.165,0.625,0.21,0.9181,1,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,2,1,0,2,10,22,1,0,6,0,23,8,5,3,2,38,49,18,0,7,5,2,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,4,6,2,0,3,3,10,1,0,2,12,40,12,21,44,5,16,2,5,3,5,24,6,3,2,7,126,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340565179767119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208326617204395,0.0,0.10970755085977207,0.0,0.1486409143725343,0.16669593923976606,0.09329114708269014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436336020917189,0.08362727891602892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279740428311211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847358558202133,0.0,0.11815805363111373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460125394795412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293266999537992,0.0,0.06936533589943998,0.0,0.2634400421555805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682619580715132,0.07167399425678814,0.0,0.15593186828417238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131307832906565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510052207591236,0.0,0.146860391747056,0.15486623386685708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078761558395504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520164285442926,0.15347598193913048,0.0,0.0,0.12381567169322658,0.0,0.09157268372676126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051649203984292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433609320498356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485590100428146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790976599770993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788482937986082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093194368472814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314675783328923,0.0,0.0,0.12630238688153986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999422790071938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931402517089656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848461000361216,0.0,0.11319277211319838,0.2427474746372632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233466401576135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987300202533504,0.0,0.0,0.09745295945499588,0.0,0.16669593923976606,0.0
suicidewatch,lxyxs,2019/04/04,"The therapy isn't working anymore I'm here, typing this, because I don't know what else to do.

I have been attending therapy (DBT) for the past 8 months, after spending six weeks in an adolescent psychiatry unit last year.

For the past couple of months I've been feeling myself slipping down into deep suicidality again. I'm always researching how I could do it and thinking about what types of messages I want to leave behind for my family and friends. I've even been looking in stores and online at what types of medications I could use. 

I've struggled for years with self harm (cutting and bruising myself), but for the past couple months I've been fairly clean from it because it just doesn't feel like it helps like it used to. Instead, I've been compensating and coping with restrictive eating and throwing up. 

I've never really discussed any destructive behaviors related to eating with either my psychiatrist or therapist- and I have no idea how. My therapist seems so frustrated with the sort of ""plateau"" we've hit in our sessions. I know admitting to how suicidal I feel and the destructive eating related behaviors I've been engaging in for months might help her to have our sessions be more focused and helpful. 

But here's the thing... I honestly don't feel connected with her. I can't just talk with her about things that are happening or things that have happened that are still affecting me because she seems so set on working on the DBT skills and pages that I really don't know how to sort of 'toss in' the real current issues I'm struggling with into it. I feel like quitting it because it isn't helping and our sessions make me feel more useless and miserable because she has me feeling like I'm not getting as far with it as I should be or doing things right.

 I'm really bad with talking and explaining things and emotions but even when I try as hard as I can she rarely seems to understand what I'm saying I feel like she's not understanding how hard this all is. She's brushing off how suicidal I feel currently. She seems frustrated with me and how hard of a time I have untangling and talking about things but I'm trying so hard but I just don't feel any connection, care or trust in that room.  

I'm so close to quitting and just letting myself continue to spiral on my own because it feels so much easier and safer than continuing to force myself through those sessions. 

I really need advice, anything. 

",7.371815916265159,7.377855343412527,7.360183585313178,74.01116422993854,63.60043196544277,10.924372819405217,35.734258182422316,10.560738912317856,3.794476391427148,1956,83,350,44,26,628,205,463,0.166,0.7390000000000001,0.095,-0.9897,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,3,0,0,5,27,21,5,3,11,0,34,4,0,11,2,94,76,44,3,5,16,0,15,5,1,2,1,1,2,1,28,31,3,1,24,0,2,2,12,11,0,1,6,18,44,10,60,62,7,44,0,2,1,0,26,20,0,11,26,239,72,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401733474886252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451103327855844,0.0,0.0,0.0891004880931703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497006348253652,0.0,0.0,0.05391059742703221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469958409602669,0.2396121690748645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679360657830888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046116210064056,0.14497503522196312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011046599238116,0.05472667011909158,0.0736919136030867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653980070971692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175865797399205,0.0,0.36437186306110586,0.18720646089805548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061422412210671,0.0,0.034227191280038635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158636679815285,0.0,0.2347426805214607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564461016472596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395480417052523,0.0,0.06837725810554067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801065187107604,0.05340082904026055,0.0,0.06936749586046012,0.0,0.06699021428923957,0.0,0.1600286867493722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055013379771001236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372960924590159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599620712820227,0.0,0.06949762579647427,0.0,0.0,0.2091634507869214,0.0,0.04815868229328695,0.04857614076412648,0.05052670883747204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876151663599559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935964387814334,0.0,0.07456672648921342,0.1678740467579379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055946686034962695,0.0,0.05209758188162287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385577874475593,0.06834305441852034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231777704482308,0.0,0.0,0.1369742336741221,0.0,0.21497770098500096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796761610854226,0.0,0.0,0.14983681646426975,0.15212840792691013,0.2611386185725621,0.04197729126821545,0.0,0.0,0.03820043473295917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895637097305448,0.0,0.0,0.13640010741689335,0.0,0.11316225507971694,0.0,0.0,0.038640534051949366,0.0,0.052549583151302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538668465401116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437485253054626
suicidewatch,_Monkeyx,2019/04/04,"My girlfriend committed suicide last year. It has been very hard to not follow in her steps, and I am afraid I will tonight. I have been trying for so long to stay alive and fight my suicidal impulses. My girlfriend of 3.5 years committed suicide in April of 2018. My best friend for many years drugged and raped me in 2017. I have been fired as a result of calling the police when the cook at my job assaulted me (he was arrested). My father has shown his true colors as a textbook narcissist and has abandoned my family. I've dealt with Bipolar disorder (type II) for as long as I can remember. Shortly before my girlfriend passed, the work of Albert Camus cured the suicidal impulses I had been dealing with for many years. The Myth of Sisyphus in particular, a reason to live is just as good a reason to die, and vice versa. When my girlfriend shot herself a few weeks later, my resolve to never commit suicide was solidified through my understanding the impact her action had on her family, me, my family, the list goes on. However, after months of heartache, I started feeling suicidal again. It has only gotten worse. I have grown so disconnected and dissociated from my surroundings. I can think of killing myself and the effect it would have on my family, my girlfriend's mother (whom I am very close with), my friends, and more people than I can comprehend. But when I think of this, and think of the pain I will force people to endure because of my selfishness, my desire to die is unaffected. I bought a green cheek conure in August 2018 and she was shipped to me in September. I did this because when I thought of the effect my suicide would have on a bird that is obsessed with me, I actually cried. It was the first time I had felt human in weeks. I love this bird. Her name is Kiwi. Sadly, I am no longer affected that way when thinking of leaving her. I want to join my girlfriend. I miss her so much. I'm sorry Kiwi. 

I have not told anyone close to me my choice to end my life tonight. I could never plague them with the thought that they could have stopped me, no matter how much I want to talk to someone about it. I am selfless enough to realize that. I am posting here because I have nowhere else. I used to be scared of committing suicide. But these past few days, I have been craving it. I recently rolled my car and (some have said) miraculously survived with few injuries. I no longer have reliable transportation to college. I am still technically in high school, however, I have finished early and rather than graduating early, I am taking advantage of a state program that allows high schoolers with good grades to go to college early. I am a junior in high school, though I haven't had a high school class since summer 2018. The crash is a turning event, as I no longer have the freedom to do what previously made my life worth living: succeed academically early and actually have something to work for. I feel hopeless. 

I used to ponder my girlfriend's decision and question her motives and never be able to find an answer. Now, over these past few weeks, I can confidently say I understand her actions and I can sympathize with her. It's eerie and morbid, but it makes me confident in my feelings.

I am posting here because I have nowhere else. I don't expect anything. It felt nice writing this all out. If I follow through with my plans, I will make sure this note is easy to find for my family and friends so that they can better understand my actions. I don't expect for them or anyone to sympathize with or understand me completely. I am aware of how selfish I am. I am flawed, and I am broken. I am done, and I look forward to joining my girlfriend on the other side.",5.285324359531046,6.512880967375889,5.75455782312925,79.43142857142857,68.40425531914893,8.705456650745404,31.409031697785498,9.014128462123184,2.6701220147633524,2922,120,538,52,49,940,310,705,0.118,0.79,0.092,-0.9235,3,0,2,0,1,9,88.0,0,0,4,13,20,28,4,3,27,0,73,9,1,15,10,107,109,44,11,11,10,2,7,0,11,5,5,2,0,1,25,33,1,2,29,1,2,12,12,14,0,1,24,12,111,14,88,76,11,88,0,4,3,2,43,28,0,5,45,390,136,18,0.05820808025160881,0.0,0.11360537941809655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140088623440486,0.0,0.047900290397210665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419324218140511,0.0,0.049530789066431366,0.0,0.061085789070894576,0.05148031675308001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943695799041523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103006468874112,0.0,0.0,0.09294883129262373,0.0,0.06393884291551187,0.03753939632795506,0.060009974831181825,0.0,0.0,0.12082159486095052,0.0,0.06671150287991909,0.0,0.0,0.05956707551120345,0.0,0.0,0.06750289324945594,0.0,0.09725076390499753,0.0,0.05155508202937365,0.06014450690055776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27436698837368845,0.0,0.08829526299700291,0.0,0.11177777057496292,0.0,0.10640226164336793,0.04951176332640688,0.0,0.0,0.1349142552330206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03308099341272508,0.09764435210277464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214300667330135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460001305247737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776253799559635,0.0,0.06439861655382788,0.0,0.0,0.04744735433404182,0.0,0.0616339524031549,0.0,0.0,0.08222817699830963,0.0,0.0,0.10279760256727348,0.10302463864241923,0.04888012733173043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05253506502226027,0.05507789294657325,0.07770869112219912,0.11802771451135174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646113431935567,0.0,0.08557927298497173,0.0,0.13468097971308954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426986798790089,0.06193750136251406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111323979634555,0.08070830753131633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149450136303336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520637142677746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969520208145976,0.05747345697333884,0.0,0.06593840793797183,0.0,0.05536921383553473,0.04628940171734938,0.05827644281356172,0.1767290543871592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048150325489835055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04931951750482815,0.044811423967192135,0.0,0.06515918027595549,0.04119997879743359,0.0620420687166986,0.04648504807937732,0.048664561475644665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093615379323214,0.0,0.054860426772807336,0.0,0.04376523226424192,0.04678545002335121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491895499438546,0.0571891433086399,0.09242142762823856,0.03394159969169476,0.0,0.0,0.05562031513289061,0.0,0.03951946561210536,0.06331367644273561,0.0,0.24238665744052004,0.0,0.10054618459122627,0.0,0.0960555245017837,0.06866526770351072,0.04620286474060825,0.14007303276169442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475235135612222,0.0,0.059319006631807523,0.08269870027866559,0.0,0.0,0.1499363810206427
suicidewatch,331296,2019/04/04,"It's all I have. I have made bad choices. In combanation with those bad choices I have had some bad luck as well. I am now, homeless, no car, no job. 30 years old and not one dollar to my name. I cant get better. I no longer want to do this. To those who are struggling fight as hard as you can, to those who lost the struggle I am truly sorry. Those who love the ones who go, just know your love helped but they wanted this. Love you all. ",-0.4718471953578316,1.5665396489361711,1.1746421663442952,101.86136363636363,88.68085106382978,3.8437137330754356,14.9284332688588,4.851557810540192,-1.2998170212765956,333,6,83,1,11,107,63,94,0.212,0.611,0.177,0.5018,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,3,1,2,3,13,1,2,2,0,10,3,0,1,2,14,20,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,5,7,1,2,3,1,12,6,9,17,3,6,0,1,0,3,14,1,0,2,3,58,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514467229686514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939637285819985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416130911628533,0.0,0.10242730995276758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144823221484708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080253895954154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884775433187594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904819334499199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673935340068635,0.0,0.4879864387343909,0.17053539904318388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891182006628176,0.0,0.24425332272953235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20174967151458856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768253448677589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126054248223342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204595868795565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606045184612045
suicidewatch,Filthy_Silver,2019/04/04,"My life is tearing apart. I just hate it. Every single fucking time there must be something that goes wrong. When things get a little bit better, there must be something that I do which leads to shitty repercussions. I am not suicidal, I was though like 7 months ago, but I just have the need to tell you that if you don't have worries, anxiety, paranoia, and are at least neutral, and in general good health, then you are very lucky. I just hope that one day I will say with my own will that I am indeed happy. I don't know when it'll happen, how it will happen, but I just hope it does. If you have read through this whole shit so far, thanks. Best of wishes!",4.09061821219716,4.832265112781958,4.191378446115291,91.33329991645785,70.80451127819549,7.114118629908105,23.800334168755217,6.937597516519254,0.5943406850459478,512,12,112,4,9,158,90,133,0.08900000000000001,0.629,0.282,0.9858,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,3,11,13,3,0,2,0,20,4,1,2,2,23,31,12,1,8,9,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,0,12,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,1,16,9,7,22,6,13,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,5,8,81,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452212919769056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532594766966398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719246021713976,0.14489021279824812,0.17885485655774802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056538006237067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336467159312793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380299267712629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514539002519515,0.08559198600684069,0.0,0.0,0.1374089345892733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897404396240903,0.17439513602792572,0.0,0.16174362055485506,0.0,0.17413869085737085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254310836667479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003413034878008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571469267022612,0.08003679299816563,0.16419604352566944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307638348588187,0.0,0.0,0.12147442442857508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101229994249694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386968781965042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028049724905935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816437200885787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522415231258472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791983477302554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319058059854667,0.15082837565692794,0.0,0.0,0.10883828593001244,0.0,0.16095757886420914,0.0,0.09552788157132658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351730745195746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18290515759346065,0.18839107247717252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637259961652698,0.0,0.0,0.17911730724907404,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amjad35,2019/04/04,"I made this a while ago when shit was really bad What's the point in living if I don't want to
Everybody's saying that I should be grateful
I'm always being disgraceful to my religion 
If you kill yo self You going to hell
I feel like I dwell in a cell in a parallel universe farewell to my life
Cus I don't want it
My minds no citadel in a nutshell it's full of pain and despair
Everywhere anywhere I feel like I ain't going no where

I'll do it I will
I swear I'll pull that trigger
I swear I'll tie that noose 
I swear I'll pop them pills
I swear I'll take my last breath
Cus I don't wanna live
I don't wanna live

Then what I'm found dead
I just dropped a warhead of widespread dread
Everybody gonna think it's their fault
I died but my friends my family
My pain my sadness is transferred to them
It's absurd they must of misheard me when they thought I preferred to live
I used to be determinative i used to have the drive to live please forgive me

I'm gone I am
I know your sad
I know your mad
I know you thought I was fine
I know you wanted me to live
I didn't wanna live
I didn't wanna live

You wanna know how I feel
I feel like the world's against me
I always sensed that things weren't gonna go my way
Everyone betrays
I lay awake night'n'day
Convey delay didn't say everyday
I was in disarray had to pay 
wrote an essay on why I play with the concept of life'n'death 

No one cares when your struggling But when you doing good all they say is congratulations(post) 

I ain't done yet I got so much more to say
Sometimes I do pray but in a crude way 
fuck God imma get my gun sword with a drug squad 
If I cut myself the blood poured 
I'm gonna head abroad so no one finds me
tear out my fuckin spinal cord 
stab me with a sword or just slay me with words cus I ain't white

So many times suicide seemed like the only option losing my god damned mind sometimes I wanna live sometimes I wanna die But nah fuck that life deals you a shit hand you just gotta deal with it",-0.3172627045650316,1.869832846511628,1.4560206718346258,98.80654608096472,90.30232558139537,4.394487510766582,17.265288544358313,5.932078277158463,-0.5734065460809643,1564,40,371,13,54,508,205,430,0.252,0.636,0.112,-0.9959,0,1,1,1,0,3,2.0,0,11,6,1,13,32,11,3,16,0,29,16,7,5,2,59,68,19,5,16,11,0,5,4,1,7,6,4,0,1,15,7,0,1,17,1,1,6,15,22,0,2,16,10,78,10,37,42,4,33,2,4,1,3,28,12,7,6,16,209,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610884635923861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410964515260915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062269466967006526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603718286291969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809660331222654,0.15377316827456186,0.0,0.0,0.15480026020690787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631912821140095,0.0,0.0,0.08648673651230014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126242014327559,0.0,0.0,0.07030544703753054,0.0,0.15083539442545962,0.1598354913325808,0.0,0.0,0.06816288846357671,0.0,0.0,0.08177086472314536,0.05761873347152425,0.13789221244300706,0.03896389692916505,0.0,0.12715309032511213,0.06255243994519448,0.059646793539892135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653848486760757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825094438702811,0.0,0.2049304344180368,0.06079097702270845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802981921808745,0.1457400627517723,0.0,0.5926832070018886,0.0,0.0,0.0834336414956017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056745252858251,0.0,0.07561032834821889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060492453406973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054823368875563785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998634710279092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107188802660344,0.05671988597518012,0.15871237817241735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186418566360662,0.07050026149958101,0.0,0.07142505378488109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047776539721306785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372294932512497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789295801184618,0.0778010590001453,0.0,0.153106372776237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127847661999286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779650582363508,0.0,0.08157616473907163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607333151261061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954627124302348,0.04778653430713057,0.0,0.11841311201040275,0.0434869980830819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288227949270688,0.0,0.0,0.13196400841977132,0.11839299907242525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672949933598359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,M1st4ken,2019/04/04,"Welcoming death At this point I'm not even afraid to kill myself anymore I just accepted the fact that I'm not going to live very long.
 It took me quite some time to get comfortable with the thought of not existing anymore (I don't believe in an afterlife or anything like that) but I finally reached the point where death doesn't seem as scary anymore. I would actually prefer it if I would feel as much pain as possible since i will be causing pain to others as well . On the other hand someone would have to clean it up if i was jumping off a roof or anything like that and I would hate to be any more of a burden than i already am. My mother has made it quite clear that I'm a horrible daughter and noone ever loved me because I'm so selfish so I guess it wouldn't cause too much emotional damage. I'm still waiting until I'm able to move out so I can finally cut ties with everyone so that they can hate me even more and consider my suicide as something good rather than something tragic. Everyone I know looks at me in disgust and I can't even leave the house anymore because of my anxiety . I can't talk to anyone about my feelings since when I show even the slightest sadness everyone seems to turn away from me . I can deal with my depression but my anxiety is getting out of hand and I'm having nothing but relapses. It won't get better and I'm not putting up with this shit any longer . I'm not even sure if I can hold out that long since every day seems to get worse and worse. I really am selfish for wanting to die but I don't see any other way out

 I'm sorry for the long post I just wanted to get this off my chest ",3.6155719921104534,4.573967514792901,4.704866863905328,86.41497287968443,72.07692307692307,8.000197238658776,28.580374753451682,8.344100000000001,1.86381617357002,1292,49,273,20,24,424,167,338,0.27,0.617,0.112,-0.9975,0,0,2,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,3,19,26,6,1,11,0,25,7,4,3,4,59,60,27,5,12,17,2,4,2,0,7,2,0,1,0,18,15,0,2,9,1,0,5,12,16,1,0,4,6,34,10,46,47,5,36,0,4,2,1,7,17,1,10,14,178,52,0,0.07930036916163312,0.0,0.07738572108597806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750992929845981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178091106631864,0.0,0.12132913070798795,0.0,0.3145786302539757,0.05544866194323591,0.0,0.13051489398134716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450530723587874,0.0,0.0,0.0966815380030318,0.0,0.0,0.08934436034545591,0.0,0.07013473224731917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292664684204985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051142177753395565,0.08175519853811883,0.0683012917589454,0.0,0.08230126327612255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920224176895124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618857296583245,0.07173172393851182,0.0668139812155528,0.2273247032298074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019329871522769,0.0,0.0,0.17373935649029446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071558494245874,0.0,0.04506822727228058,0.06651338727224647,0.0,0.0,0.08735829703421051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565853938819518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150197894115468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773410915017871,0.0,0.043581409007415535,0.0,0.0,0.0839676408727742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748430951201321,0.0,0.07002367881983465,0.21053499381287086,0.06659233778744528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157167926149728,0.07503592670344851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428374254904672,0.11658979150244117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760908429533704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876236775944062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992896200451167,0.0893992511303276,0.07594783301014622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971877391637336,0.0,0.16869140775755875,0.0,0.0,0.05080184708694605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631921271684153,0.21657623331352788,0.0,0.0,0.08140068936749073,0.19679425451372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719094545122714,0.12209859689226135,0.0,0.08877027085960046,0.0,0.0,0.06332937724894305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674173289208821,0.0,0.07473965945351928,0.0,0.0,0.063738632887525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295563517714459,0.046240682974824185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881056279775608,0.0,0.08625602997361109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654311095648547,0.09354682466649923,0.06294494191214924,0.0,0.0,0.0713005554677856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616277019915525,0.2253308280547245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,silentchoir,2019/04/04,"I think the number of people who commit suicide will just keep on increasing to greater folds in decade to come Don't want to explain much. More the people see for what the world really is and then couple them with their own unnecessary suffering and pain with no fault of their own, who would want to accept existence for what it is?

And one more thing : it doesn't matter, as our culture has normalised everything, shootings, abuse, rape etc and all sorts of things, seeing them on everyday basis, numbs people's view towards them.

But who cares? In the end, everyone is going to choose themselves over everybody.",8.593690476190481,8.443508607142862,7.3882142857142865,75.34011904761907,61.14285714285714,10.680952380952384,32.95238095238096,10.125756701596842,3.172138095238096,492,16,85,9,6,149,81,112,0.226,0.687,0.087,-0.9564,0,0,0,1,1,2,14.0,1,0,5,0,1,7,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,2,21,18,7,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,0,3,7,2,19,16,9,13,0,1,3,1,11,7,0,1,3,64,16,0,0.0,0.2421140637444867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834218768829849,0.0,0.0,0.17602414460143342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610259832967874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098801062845415,0.0,0.2278974237130776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525931858073853,0.1836510883854867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161333267585696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163021495181086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021625181155415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384686903985644,0.0,0.2174362781250487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249989170697056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090791151033102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32567120551166506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22351902036664448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27151396603366945,0.13093529671579449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410546101710787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516001775020662,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,northernsky-,2019/04/04,"Anyone else been suicidal for years? What's the point of it. I always struggle with same thoughts: fear that there will be consequenses after death, trapped in some spiritual realm where there is no escape. That death is not nothingness. Fear of pain, fear of feeling myself dieing, and the pain I will cause to my family. So every day the same thoughts, thoughts around suicide. Never the answer. lright, I get that I'm scared, but I've been scared for 8 years already. The solution would be to abandon these thoughts completely or do it. Not waste life with these thoughts. But that's exactly what I do. ",4.025454545454544,6.746477540540546,3.3346437346437376,89.12786240786241,75.39639639639641,6.91924651924652,26.30712530712531,8.00094639256281,1.6586864864864863,481,18,90,8,11,141,71,111,0.267,0.652,0.081,-0.9667,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,6,5,0,11,3,0,1,2,24,19,5,5,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,7,1,6,0,12,7,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,60,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689559248972775,0.0,0.11076225304405722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307702696381463,0.13639193676788278,0.0,0.11850047511465435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367456613900428,0.0,0.0,0.1395684307485191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584809246820219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815224087733174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120041062171128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215503698765883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548887244937562,0.4493737820415991,0.06730688861776069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695470365086289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402298429058308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026664103235924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832872589514099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583659866703975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665424562328904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916058656602806,0.0,0.29121217098259644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283917724566465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456099941644644,0.0,0.0,0.17144325110820066
suicidewatch,basooooooon,2019/04/04,It feels like my life is ending and I want to be alive anymore I am being forgotten by everyone I loved and my throat hurts where I'm screaming so loud I just want to gently kill myself I have no one to live for anymore,0.7070212765957429,2.8195720425531974,2.6377021276595762,92.89400000000002,83.8936170212766,5.4621276595744686,20.038297872340426,6.742157984588678,0.2560417021276593,174,5,38,2,5,58,36,47,0.245,0.508,0.247,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,3,0.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,6,10,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,8,2,5,8,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511670704787749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612031168934095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655274467212931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050511151764014,0.1985184235190395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974776298907971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074344362319121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962757477617783,0.1357587444745613,0.0,0.2453742384733213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507986811180248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829952946480766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278031267565693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TurboDyke,2019/04/04,"Every day I think Don't know where to start.
I'm 32 now. I've got maybe 20+ years left. I need to wait because of my parents. I couldn't do that to them. 
The only time I can talk about this is when I've had a drink but I'd never open up to them, it would hurt them too much so I need to wait but its hard.
I don't know what's wrong with me or when I even started to feel like this, I do know it's been awhile now, over a decade at least.
I don't get how some people just do it. They don't even think about it. There's nothing wrong with me as a social creature. Things are just really shit in my mind.
I experience times that are good and fun but underlying it's always there. That urge to just be done.
I've had nights where I drink too much and it all comes out to my closest friends but I'm not sure they really understand and just think it's me being drunk. Its a quite mind being noisy.
20 years is to long to be unhappy. Maybe it will change but I'm not sure anymore. 
I just can't do this to my parents. 
I cant understand how self hate is not a thing for some people...someone please explain? ",-0.31060214375787965,1.5536382991803317,1.5626229508196732,100.57436948297608,86.09016393442623,4.901387137452712,15.941992433795711,6.093298490706669,-0.8218349306431271,851,16,218,7,26,279,124,244,0.125,0.7709999999999999,0.103,-0.6607,2,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,5,1,22,11,2,0,6,0,27,4,1,2,4,48,50,15,0,4,14,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,19,8,3,2,10,3,0,1,11,5,0,0,5,2,25,6,24,38,6,26,0,1,0,0,12,11,1,3,15,140,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514067590896656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339531433920486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970106891113602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095736804751,0.09849444439780376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737403340799814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170103005916638,0.0,0.22402083891721264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510419934708577,0.0,0.0963370257677646,0.0,0.0,0.11184720818546992,0.0,0.0,0.0578141262066613,0.08168506517455952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833939120136411,0.0,0.0597383303341132,0.0,0.0,0.09590360860065236,0.09144875478791288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242686638944676,0.11288783313626068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224041535030261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851608209056525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423157544343705,0.0,0.0,0.05586112207543973,0.0,0.0,0.10118797869831384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22974133324353815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309031549928505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810723659757668,0.16956445649200194,0.0881866466498169,0.0,0.0,0.10730106204995606,0.0,0.1097130475527393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696130397476526,0.0,0.0,0.2539237758466981,0.0,0.0,0.07926948942379737,0.0,0.0,0.12551182379412232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216154777808503,0.0,0.0,0.14649924350641516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192823544150081,0.0,0.11736915188170732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655601037744988,0.09688055891195076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186196357923172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155296351947246,0.0,0.0,0.09190277554450296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192584682790536,0.2197948354974492,0.0,0.0,0.13334603884456805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380655370699673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812243986724393,0.2500273534521528,0.0,0.14726340736294766
suicidewatch,WH0ABR019,2019/04/04,Could use someone to talk to. I'm extremely stressed and making me wanna hang myself tonight. I need help,1.9208333333333345,4.750470750000002,2.3500000000000014,90.08833333333334,91.5,4.666666666666667,26.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.348666666666667,85,4,15,1,3,26,18,20,0.126,0.748,0.126,0.0018,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403180041796908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856997272440661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845185496401346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160516033794561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611518193597862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882565482407586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34259561427877994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.368134557391518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Titonix,2019/04/04,"Well here goes noting.. My english may be terrible,and im sorry if i may not be a person with giant reasons to be suicidal..but here i am..
I tried suicide before,twice,first when i was 12 i cut my throat with a knife and it just wasnt deep,i dont really remember all the stuff from then but it was like it is now,for no other reason than hating myself.
I am not a guy who has a bad life,altho my family is mostly rich and i am not looking up to them,i am simply way to fucket up to focus on anything,it resoulted in me fucking up my social life and most frends i have think im fine,last summer i tried hanging myself and again,failed like the piece of garbage i am.
I have a supporting girlfrend,as i said a nice family and a lot of frends..but i just dont know anymore..noting has sence,noting gives me life,i just fell as if i am the garbage of this world,i am good at noting,i am simply empty..i am sad a better person has not goten all the stuff i have..becouse at the end of it all..i dont respect it nor do i respect myself..",1.7402244582043345,2.546816557017543,4.183570691434472,88.9562693498452,76.41228070175438,6.768214654282764,21.745098039215687,7.048011613610866,0.5026224974200213,797,19,183,8,17,281,116,228,0.131,0.7390000000000001,0.13,0.2354,0,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,0,0,1,7,15,3,0,13,0,28,3,1,2,2,29,36,12,1,2,10,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,10,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,10,5,1,0,4,2,25,10,20,27,6,15,0,1,1,1,7,8,1,7,6,124,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830650489431083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472226837916916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560746126747546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488888044827394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24456728520581605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033540891952884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199193144672252,0.0,0.1244343306775417,0.0,0.10879868534389313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843812291471698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280665870216524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802286547419682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128790458428214,0.1057349383435139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748643632626496,0.12674427442975753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089278279513158,0.0,0.0,0.11027895058529276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22652405617999105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309867235415175,0.2667369970303565,0.0,0.0,0.1469416703132962,0.0,0.12338855333876288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322279826904183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520518595172782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29698500248056675,0.1418870229008498,0.14719890630699076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311605613325193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613577483988765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029616323862535,0.0,0.0,0.1166292534077764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smexyrabbi,2019/04/04,Im tired of being lonely. All my life I have tried and tried to be that good kid. I always did good in school and I thought I had a good set of friends that would stay true by me. I was wrong and fell into a path of depression. I am always lonely now and am crying almost all the time because of it . I'm always more than nice to others and have done my best to try and talk to girls . I've had a lonely childhood. I just want to fucking go out.,0.40332199546485015,1.9414783571428595,2.3831972789115627,97.3705328798186,81.75510204081633,4.763718820861679,17.011337868480727,5.033348758259628,-0.8323369614512472,341,6,83,1,9,114,62,98,0.179,0.617,0.204,0.4364,0,6,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,13,1,0,4,0,12,3,0,0,3,16,17,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,6,0,10,7,14,8,4,10,0,4,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,56,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492841808818801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360722533447944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649038696376456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332807213474808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918905359906752,0.0,0.0,0.15046163186413095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877017359143965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496630826666786,0.16149958295554506,0.0,0.0,0.09928127047059483,0.4395691149640262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869692123444504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338985379037665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679724053545434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861980179364383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041050278949885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868562892231776,0.10186408543280252,0.20078231305797212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558124182068447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303764052299776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409591101902324,0.1909978572537484,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imsorryaboutmyexiste,2019/04/04,I’m stupid Imagine being dumb enough to believe that people generally care about you when they hear your story and say they will help you only to be scammed. I’m a ducking idiot . Sigh,3.9333333333333336,5.9063101111111145,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,72.8888888888889,5.911111111111111,25.88888888888889,6.42735559955562,1.0177888888888886,148,5,27,1,3,47,31,36,0.227,0.614,0.159,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,3,2,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,1,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324496409848153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913444921480092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966032772367751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432608977758883,0.0,0.2572759365930547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29192316358783005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661022669956972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052403181687756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ekdxhp,2019/04/04,"No friends , I am ugly, poor, what’s the point every time they say it’ll get better but even in University it seems like it’s gonna stay the same

",3.3493749999999984,3.2969601875000016,4.662500000000001,90.1325,72.125,7.65,22.25,7.1686216300943375,0.3542624999999999,114,2,28,1,2,38,28,32,0.17,0.617,0.213,0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33748172261563936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520338906032489,0.0,0.32150258157285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948123226710188,0.0,0.19936288533100668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864235979228189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607220185059693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034524263971971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473814754079986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067198017754351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250580910806614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,raymondstanford,2019/04/04,"Not sure what to do in regards to money and life anymore. I’m going to go see a counselor today on my college campus before I do anything to myself. I was seeing her last semester before I killed myself and was alright from November until a few days ago.

I feel like my depression is getting worse and I can’t even hold down a part-time job. My depression keeps interfering with my work. I work with children, so I have to be happy-go-lucky all the time and I just can’t do it. I don’t want to call in again, but I know that I can’t do the damn job. 

I couldn’t do my last job anymore working at a jail for nearly ten years because I got too depressed being there. I think the root of my problem mutated and grew while being there and it’s totally affected my life. I had to pay for university somehow, but the work made me totally cynical about people and the world around me after seeing how people treated one another and themselves in there.

I try to think positively, but the memories are there in the subconscious.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

What would I do for money if I can’t hold a job? 

I want to continue being a student, but I don’t even know what the endgame is anymore. I want to be a teacher when I’m done, but I can’t even keep myself together for these daycare kids.",3.46609107037256,4.40193286516854,5.1819120835797365,82.94011827321114,72.40823970037455,8.167869110979696,28.65937315198107,8.532816995589336,2.0537011235955056,1013,39,208,17,19,346,133,267,0.123,0.8290000000000001,0.048,-0.9607,4,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,4,16,11,3,0,15,1,30,2,0,4,4,44,51,19,1,7,8,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,11,0,4,6,0,3,3,10,7,0,2,6,4,36,4,31,38,4,26,0,3,3,0,4,10,1,2,14,156,44,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015157917481058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664210450329566,0.0,0.0,0.4034392673325313,0.0,0.0,0.08369105231545244,0.0905352298854774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199583364107498,0.0,0.1730796963696795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384783723434077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558857067297319,0.0,0.2627841225214262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104075177656479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201517159915597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142295529186125,0.07265503658170258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313444466843118,0.0,0.17339664085915854,0.0,0.08133938083134774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40368920932840696,0.18079260008136547,0.11251681236911704,0.0,0.16767621855059775,0.16579937118841928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436684956584429,0.0496858496619044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623170928176614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891506067330255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013200228295153,0.0,0.14101299035732676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731388338107072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431269930709549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585175390415647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033146903423592,0.0,0.0,0.0593025255569888,0.0,0.0964004200550052,0.0,0.0,0.06904813387548966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799572131183897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961574308792029,0.0,0.10364175344566108,0.07224529532126549,0.0,0.0,0.06549194902542248
suicidewatch,yk890319,2019/04/04,"I want to kill myself. It's like a revenge I'm tired of everything. I have tried to kill myself many times in my life. But I failed. I have stayed in ER and stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks because I did overdose. 
I still have been looking for how to kill myself.

Actually I'm a mother. I know I'm a terrible mother. I love my son but I'm hurt so much that I can't go through it. 
I have no family and no friends...  Financially and mentally I'm suffering. I have enough reason to end my life. I did my best to make my life better but people around me ruined my life and hurt me.. I'm not strong enough. I'm just a human.. 
I don't want this life anymore. 
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suicidewatch,_iXanagi,2019/04/04,"Being eaten away at by Depression. I don’t have a terrible life, I have a decent job that I don’t hate, friends and family that love me, a place to live and a wonderful girlfriend. But I can’t shake this feeling (I don’t know exactly how to describe it) of just dark. It makes me resent myself and just want to not be exist. I’ve wanted to die everyday for as long as I remember and I try to talk to people about it but all anyone tells me is “we all do” and i remember that no one knows exactly how anyone feels except yourself. And as I write this I’ve notice I’ve gone on more of a rant then sharing the way I feel and what I’m going through. I’ve resorted to drugs to try and make me feel better but in the end they are a temporary hold to the pain. I assume the people on this page know what I mean when I say it’s mentally exhausting. I don’t know if anyone else does this but I have a suicide note in my phone that I change the date on everyday Incase I build up the courage to follow through one day. Someone here has to know how I feel and if you made it to the end of this I’m assuming you sympathize. Today has been one of my lower days and I’m posting this because today I’m feeling very courageous today and if today is the day I didn’t want there to be no other sign of my depression aside from my note. Living is pain and some of us learn to live with it while others just live. Incase you haven’t been told it lately I love you all of you and I’m sorry that no one understand your daily pain. ",1.9354153846153856,3.1986875415384617,3.9170000000000016,89.24350000000004,76.66153846153847,7.215384615384615,22.346153846153847,7.882392219407189,0.8974307692307693,1181,32,265,18,26,403,153,325,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.103,-0.9658,2,0,1,0,0,1,18.0,2,6,1,1,10,17,2,1,15,0,22,9,0,6,5,64,55,29,2,6,12,0,6,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,22,15,1,1,19,0,0,4,11,10,0,4,7,7,38,7,40,45,6,32,0,2,0,2,20,9,0,7,17,181,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805862395754785,0.09185825541192057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423025951860028,0.0,0.0,0.054650543288620915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928920660318332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483908901003907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345283434146302,0.0,0.15443290535257806,0.0,0.0930437981083602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845437484016513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396693701090176,0.0,0.07489207912769316,0.0,0.15880871790582002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451517860931981,0.0,0.2719820619376013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926429964934495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095084659095802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851200574036186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889649889106996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634979218722894,0.0,0.10113046571312956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332329835783329,0.0,0.0,0.3166546308315333,0.07933849647543549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182742792515742,0.08483013913949125,0.1196857528053646,0.0,0.0,0.09765644588488527,0.0,0.0,0.09034732982868356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206849265248444,0.0,0.0,0.2429999105016601,0.0,0.2861856133620336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430571670989055,0.0,0.0936664293664186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586107381675688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031146807101195,0.0,0.0,0.07129423763860343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759611762251963,0.0,0.0,0.10035718567495414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980638687853808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205824375007293,0.07835910590121803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33991544398020945,0.0856655696012608,0.0,0.12173456852625715,0.0,0.0,0.09333006754715913,0.10783936279703607,0.0,0.0,0.07397163428625758,0.1586358128929195,0.07116095469357897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972229090400729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UNOwen39,2019/04/04,"I know I couldn't commit suicide any time soon, but still... I usually end up deleting these kind of posts, they feel futile, and maybe I'll delete this one later, too, but right now I am devastated and need this. There is a great urge inside me to kill myself, but I know I cannot, which only crushes my soul even more. So, this time, I have to vent. 

I've been losing everything I had or thought I did lately. It's just been downhill for more than a year. I've spent weeks depressed. Then, I did start getting better. I haven't been miserable all the time.  I've been feeling relatively well most of the time in the last few months. Not that anything has changed, everything was still going to shit, but I focused on myself. The miserable reality never changed, but I could usually change my perspective. Yet, these depressive moments always came back. They've got rarer and shorter, but they always came back and each time more crushing than the last. I cannot explain how devastating, how desperate and sorrowful I've felt at these times, I think at least here some people will understand. 

The few close relationships I had, my earlier success in school, my innocence and any superficial joy I've had in life, I've lost them all. I've changed completely, every value I had has changed and I feel like a big cluster of contradictions. I cannot take it, I could have been happy on my own, I could be happy if I could find something new, or if I could just disconnect myself from it all, but it is not possible. I am forced to study, but I just cannot take it while having these suicidal thoughts. I don't have financial comfort and I hate being surrounded by spoiled people, not a worry in their heads. It's unfair and I refuse to accept it. And I hate that I lack so many experiences. The way modern society works is simply not for me, yet I must participate so that I am free later on, but it is so hard to do it when this depressed.

I thought I had the comfort of having friends, but even that is not true, which is what destroyed me today. Even the ones I hold dear just fuck you up. As if it's not enough that I am an outsider among most people, even my closest friends hold no compassion for me. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of being used and thrown away, I'm sick of all the hypocrisy. I've done shitty things, I've been inconsiderate, but I've never turned someone down when they approached me with honesty. Even if I wasn't a great friend, I've held a deep love for them. But no one seems to be able to do that. I trusted someone, I got hurt and didn't even get a chance to heal, I don't know if I can ever rejuvenate. I trusted someone else, someone who I thought would give back the love I give, yet they turned out to be a hypocrite, too. I've done all for their well-being, yet never got any back. I didn't expect a reward when I did those, but I cannot take it. I am hurt, wounded and I am tired and I think I deserve something back. Yet everyone around has only a bourgeois love, they always put themselves above everything and call selfish those who ask for the slightest sacrifice of them, they only help those who don't need help and feel morally satisfied. That is not the love I know. Point out the unfairness in life and they will just shrug. They will dare say, from their comfortable thrones, that no one signed up for a fair life, as if I didn't know. It's so easy to help people who are already privileged and call selfish those who suffer deeply. It's so easy to demand someone do things as a friend, but never do the same for them. It's so easy to expect people to put up with their own abrupt mood swings, yet hurt them at their smallest mistake. There are souls, suffering to death; and those so-called humanists, those 'kind' people who only want fun and do not dare face people who suffer an unfair fate, those people are killers in my eyes, yet they dare not see their own guilt.

When I think that I'll die without ever finding a soul akin to mine, that I'll always be alone inside despite all friendships, that I'll die suffering while everyone else lives like blissful animals, it just evokes every kind of depressive, suicidal urge in me. I've got things to look forward to, even if I could just meditate all day that would be enough, but if I am always going to carry this discomfort, this loneliness, these past pains and never get a good thing going for me, I don't know how much I can take it. Call me a foolish romantic, but I would never want to be a thoughtless, soulless, mediocre human either, so I must bear pain, but is there not going to be one day where things get a little better? I keep going on today, but I don't know how long I can take it.",5.934234059333857,5.691249898177925,6.098194098970655,82.69578717466482,66.63129689174704,9.185132156363123,30.251147647070717,8.677809691926855,2.0960465489696447,3677,118,756,50,53,1172,337,933,0.228,0.598,0.174,-0.9965,0,1,2,0,0,3,123.0,0,1,20,8,57,65,6,4,34,0,90,20,4,5,19,154,159,71,7,28,47,0,6,2,4,8,11,1,0,1,63,30,0,5,25,0,2,11,36,29,1,5,35,10,103,36,74,100,26,105,5,16,3,5,50,34,2,14,62,522,166,3,0.04363543062758984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519314637285048,0.048152782761264966,0.0,0.18154086921810514,0.0,0.0,0.08902076744830688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03590824142686142,0.03884478450707538,0.04079323728664575,0.0,0.04099692346516059,0.16776476349113778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718398478889146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133669960213164,0.09981461605321036,0.0,0.0,0.23080249876183315,0.0,0.045750918814218736,0.0,0.0,0.20903604425294892,0.0,0.0,0.05628248577137399,0.0,0.15033252983968115,0.0,0.0905733756908098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089308390859899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290360622637695,0.0,0.03864803985405893,0.09017412864831084,0.0,0.20174553275782905,0.07894149035640878,0.07352946456887098,0.08339104783992095,0.1176501342578055,0.04268382413645422,0.0,0.0,0.08825353929320455,0.03117316035912148,0.041896856351791814,0.0,0.0797639861422765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485050184204075,0.0403402524832452,0.0911908460677322,0.08371816232301059,0.12399510402276365,0.03659932894143865,0.1395969601813302,0.09621643262704066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929014546012098,0.03908877497027415,0.08616190774727821,0.04478254064594802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774372806281586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013789292883172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038785175668731714,0.048276138862518976,0.13631875859297415,0.16786624055478422,0.07113739980966073,0.049222666373498036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246298531578223,0.042636134587806775,0.04373416492778684,0.03853088468231037,0.038615982978493314,0.03664277186314748,0.04881688536138682,0.04763322711792105,0.0,0.15753071912942193,0.0,0.0,0.04423947780472216,0.0438376550659207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034829384420650845,0.0,0.03207706226827585,0.06471023781564803,0.20192600483380224,0.04214337080970506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784248543537826,0.132746845120371,0.0928623494287302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04165495598592637,0.2420105070725539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041249586160688766,0.049192391688678935,0.04179068059412504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773131993507582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0468481223899887,0.0,0.0372644193360194,0.0,0.03470064583300203,0.0,0.044161385379579934,0.0347717887119409,0.03972405721119653,0.0,0.0,0.04479114248123359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848607938421617,0.0671853726627545,0.0,0.0,0.030885382388536976,0.0,0.0696946225307537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319023636881995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404206667801094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494720594703744,0.08387946607408285,0.0,0.13856663117362836,0.1526650230347121,0.05015250847525783,0.08272257215594475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492563658696856,0.0,0.045426022169434414,0.0,0.037687001904499626,0.0961165241381715,0.0,0.05147461507835272,0.03463577377006873,0.035001710400851684,0.0,0.07846698507750319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042062997991023435,0.0,0.031767113192355936,0.044313897916525166,0.0,0.0929920738685198,0.0,0.0,0.02809978668037804
suicidewatch,barbie12312,2019/04/04,"hey can anyone suggest an easy method? I don’t think I have the power to go on with my education or do anything anymore. My mom never takes it seriously when I talk about wanting to die and therapists are really useless + my country doesn’t have suicide hotlines. 

Anyway, I just need any suggestions. And I’ll just cross my fingers and hope I don’t end up in hell if it works ",3.4334649122807015,4.995929802631583,5.031578947368423,81.5493859649123,73.34210526315789,7.698245614035088,29.771929824561404,8.344100000000001,2.2389192982456154,299,13,58,5,6,101,58,76,0.195,0.716,0.08900000000000001,-0.8951,1,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,2,0,8,1,1,0,1,13,14,6,2,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,7,14,0,8,1,1,0,0,5,3,1,3,3,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833630443277615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26740838092533376,0.1885371158587082,0.0,0.22188904858550887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798416096224885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238819180559952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324145414868925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678113128702937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31579669449045544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999331146848532,0.20796140067411012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273696775358044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294940140499743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273417275152789,0.216724761107728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130704287168993,0.0,0.1727731033644728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903944209165485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629963045996293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blandoffhand,2019/04/04,"It's becoming more and more likely I'll be dead soon I've tried reaching out. I really have. But professionals don't want to know. They act as though I did this to me. As though I have flashbacks and panic attacks on purpose when I try to be intimate with someone. As though I struggle to be around other people on purpose so I don't have to get a job and contribute to society. As though I was perfectly fine before I turned to drugs and the drugs are the reason I'm a mess. As though I'm just a worthless stain on society because I should just get over what happened to me as a child and contribute to the same society who saw the warning signs, who noticed something wasn't quite right and did nothing to stop the horrific abuse I faced from my own family. 

Fuck being a part of society. I can't count myself as one of those monsters who acts all righteous but causes more suffering than any other species on the planet. Fuck being alive, too. I'd rather be dead than human. I know at some point in the next six weeks, I will be taking a nice walk to the top of the mountain with more than enough Molly, benzos, tramadol and booze to kill me and I won't ever be coming back down. I just hope I'll be too out of it to feel anything. I don't want to feel anything anymore",4.382677484787017,4.9128607318007695,5.27197656073924,84.61038539553753,70.0344827586207,8.286770340320038,28.379761099842234,8.313332769828598,1.8135443317556907,1005,34,208,14,17,329,141,261,0.172,0.762,0.066,-0.9818,1,0,3,0,1,3,19.0,0,0,1,3,17,14,4,2,15,0,24,6,1,2,3,37,42,24,3,5,6,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,10,14,1,1,5,0,0,4,6,9,0,2,5,3,22,5,42,25,10,25,0,2,1,2,6,14,2,2,8,151,32,2,0.0,0.13646654374056028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832467268018793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142251645346658,0.0,0.0,0.18956259332946765,0.10253242425535776,0.0,0.1310310724171498,0.0,0.08856441410938941,0.0,0.0702111556461727,0.12720453718943492,0.0980075981505357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831905446081603,0.0,0.09921524696721888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713874583011343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900918144804927,0.0,0.0,0.10418467348041592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857912845376178,0.0,0.11647444370813195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129595483495068,0.12035101540489535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185111287706627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439727943828275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429593024319927,0.0,0.12742687632520566,0.0,0.12659712099338805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626992523757307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224926139980924,0.0,0.0,0.11051595016372293,0.1311303857739684,0.0,0.0,0.07804727781082517,0.0,0.0,0.1351360196840401,0.0,0.12472604528040147,0.0,0.07984959982497014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887999823542092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250548482034418,0.0,0.0,0.07378567752661905,0.11842168767403485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983609846591981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975895507359776,0.08866929268660405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629357567633554,0.0,0.1204085661901951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659917149645607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658067115031333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639597017686666,0.1252800828573545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586938732105894,0.0,0.09238847031908773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SampleVC,2019/04/04,"I feel nothing Like, when ppl look into the future they have dreams and all of That, when i look on to the future I just, like there is so much cool things that I would like to do and etc. but also I like see myself doing nothing of that, I'm not capable of it, i wont be able to.
I don't know if its emptyness that I feel i look into the future but also i can't see myself being remotely happy in he next month.
Everything is so fragile and based on nothing
Idk where is the fucking point in anything
Im 20 why do I feel like suicide is just the only thing that will give me peace
I should be trhilling to do shit and motivated and I just dont
I just feel like i cant
That i will fail miserably everything that i coul try or somehow it will fuck up completely.
I was excited to play the new hearthstone expansion but I'm now next to a bridge ready to climd to the highest point. Sucks i cant play all of those cards. Sucks that now i found a job shir just like this sucks that when i had a scolarship in a videogame design grade shit is just this.
I feel like i could do a lot and at the same time I feel like i cannot just because i'm trash.
Idk anything i just want to fucking go
",2.267165676838008,3.1518185836575903,3.7809830022527136,92.04664550481264,75.22568093385216,7.122588572598812,23.64304730698341,7.475848149327749,0.7404521400778217,924,26,219,11,19,307,120,257,0.139,0.645,0.21600000000000005,0.9425,1,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,2,20,24,8,1,13,1,29,5,2,1,2,40,54,18,1,5,14,0,7,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,17,8,0,0,9,3,0,1,8,10,0,0,3,13,30,14,22,41,6,26,0,2,5,3,3,12,8,4,22,149,47,4,0.09854345080640987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761032401423564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218572713501622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007117296434539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332093330291113,0.0,0.0,0.07867892691534692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154921904317868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990199643395454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771289989328249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989591777627367,0.28159784378404684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804780746011793,0.0,0.273305497087544,0.0,0.0945318573900402,0.05600451402799773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490133579144532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644383701198164,0.0,0.09778916942145856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415690342932366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332901719784135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482550396253086,0.0,0.0,0.08377811792846089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865644227431609,0.0,0.07244077489748338,0.0,0.0,0.09517387885193984,0.2096041557673838,0.0,0.0,0.2836652963409469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494673487623563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631082614046465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570527436582462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023068722906807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779054093293963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093577996901629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746147863065686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690453453555488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058123480458392676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892013689951077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000244010314595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RaincloudPoet,2019/04/04,"I got caught when I tried to jump off the school building. My life got worse. 15f. Here's the breakdown:

On the second week of February, I tried to kill myself by jumping off the school building. Got caught by my classmates and was forced to go to my parents who live in another city (I live with my grandparents.) They basically told me ""what about them? What happens to them when I die? Did I think of them before I tried to jump? Do I not love them? Why didn't I share my issues? Why did it come to this?""

I'll tell you all. 

I was born with an eye defect. It came with another disfigurement that affected my feet. I've always felt like I didn't belong and everyone was looking at my face, not at who I am. I got made fun of, I got bullied but worse of all, I never know if someone is actually my friend or if they're just acting out of pity or assholery.

So, at fifth grade, we were in severe poverty. My parents were stressed since I had a baby sibling and it strained our already tight finances. It resulted in yelling, emotional neglect and passive aggressive comments I'll never get out of my head.

Now, we're financially stable, but only barely.

See, we have a lot of debt and my mother's sick with cancer. It seems to be getting better. 

Over the course of my life, they've neglected my emotional well-being by getting angry when I cry, scolding me for small mistakes and resulting to threats and privacy invasion.They went through my deviantart account and my flash drive which was full of anime art and music. They mocked my weight and clothing and hair. I also weren't shown any affection when I was young. I also didn't have any friends. A socially-stunted freak who never smiles.

When I was caught, I am no longer allowed to shut my door when my aunt's at home (for monitoring), not allowed to sleep at my own room and god fucking damn it, they wonder why I'm scared of people.

They didn't stop yelling or scolding or belittling. They blame the internet for my ""way of thinking"". Bullshit.

I'm also hallucinating, auditory and visually. They refused to accept schizophrenia and claim that it's a family trait to see ghosts.

The only psychiatrist I've seen is a fucking CHILD PSYCHIATRIST. She made me do dumb assignments on my feelings and she tells my parents at the end of the session everything. Not to mention the clinic is AT CHURCH.

It's never going to get better. I'll always be disfigured and socially inept because of it. I'll always fail at math because I genuinely can't understand it. I can't grasp it even the basics. I'll always be scolded, belittled and yelled at.

It's never going to get better for me.

I just want to die.",3.1195357833655706,5.290426717601548,4.311605415860736,83.7427272727273,75.82785299806577,7.185299806576402,27.44100580270793,8.128838120801504,1.9393063829787232,2091,85,396,36,47,684,251,517,0.237,0.6970000000000001,0.066,-0.9986,7,0,0,0,2,2,72.0,3,1,10,4,16,28,8,3,17,0,30,15,6,8,7,74,71,35,4,4,14,5,5,1,2,0,5,3,3,1,21,27,1,5,10,1,3,14,17,18,0,1,31,13,68,10,62,37,5,55,1,4,5,3,36,23,4,9,18,254,89,8,0.0,0.0,0.07429333173041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401296926409446,0.18264692496496115,0.2533899241738775,0.0,0.0,0.10354401927409658,0.15966096672118518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928180738548151,0.0,0.06478227284359864,0.0,0.0,0.20199629294215046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707411897834688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558051947567563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362684393138252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580248906025507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127531140983612,0.06742988459201675,0.0,0.0,0.050284117317592206,0.0,0.0,0.07274688125305621,0.0684220554280447,0.0,0.07176997352600965,0.0,0.03849435826402471,0.0,0.07309814933015098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763796832544125,0.14076463280568496,0.19887775193176327,0.0,0.12980180499402955,0.0,0.3044464528462649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732280668374084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813285121047191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636607087272396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946147414800389,0.0,0.0,0.08422819072688245,0.0,0.041839864399140496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075478161793802,0.03719399024584127,0.0,0.13445096399028014,0.0,0.0639312598308693,0.0,0.0,0.06472425252888543,0.06871162322012785,0.1440748736600937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935864115723566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158028257089068,0.0,0.0,0.2536049606005411,0.0,0.0,0.052779974817545386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762208817961505,0.15409822235814705,0.12133384817227275,0.06930723015688313,0.0,0.08600689010481301,0.0,0.06297673794792459,0.0,0.0761864503213865,0.07760644527008312,0.06450594669968206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364931709650294,0.08720834061537085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308451922107264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756394267123283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274688125305621,0.0,0.15506481032330624,0.0,0.0,0.07925554423784481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490431296462352,0.06042961653139716,0.06106807232048408,0.09270761940822543,0.06845133372920416,0.07057463457025423,0.20609042806982752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256133067153243,0.0,0.0,0.1551689421817589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxxawy,2019/04/04,goodbye Im finally brave enough to end it all i just wanna be remember love you guys,-1.3866666666666667,-0.16298466666666656,1.898333333333337,89.46750000000002,117.88888888888887,6.2444444444444445,21.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,1.6457333333333342,68,3,14,2,4,24,17,18,0.0,0.648,0.35200000000000004,0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32787789959241703,0.3825045721649896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.405524354925354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665456726931032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998680392911145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341103553018442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193523867317726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MetallicMarker,2019/04/04,"I desperately need help I've wanted to die since 1989.  I've tried so many fucking wide varieties of therapeutic things to help me.  and I ONLY ONLY ONLY get worse.

ONLY.

I've been hospitalized before and there is never any type of benefit there.

no matter what, i'm beyond fucking miserable.  it lets up for a few days (maybe weeks) here and there.

i can't get what I want/need from anyone.  when it gets worse....it gets VERY VERY bad.  right now it's very very bad.

its not even worth it to keep writing....

i'm that one person who the therapist actually thinks I should kill myself.  my family thinks that.  and I just need to make it happen.",1.2353805774278221,3.7147609370078776,3.042708661417325,88.32794750656169,85.29921259842521,6.221312335958007,17.128083989501313,7.554174236665415,0.4089731233595804,497,11,102,9,15,165,83,127,0.233,0.6990000000000001,0.068,-0.978,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,3,1,2,0,5,2,0,1,1,17,21,6,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,9,1,10,18,1,9,0,1,0,2,5,4,2,0,5,56,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.1296138288486959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032262034765916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287131111713597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179944793631184,0.0,0.0,0.1130206201445889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565835377967798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378469012448821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772680971503001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521152098589672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24558116589291465,0.2775733035555039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745289301041438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805381069777995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805712748134985,0.14694640882069054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358181491874255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865883854056714,0.13465932745822262,0.13343623029592633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696970977778325,0.10243950033071744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900027335148837,0.404064463984291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597389892242585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342813918508625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987064308073323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421505232280955,0.08824016122402388,0.17021226364001285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017652646866484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383639006010904,0.15668216243913222,0.0,0.10654074180692658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535562510211593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yetiiwho92,2019/04/04,"I'm so exhausted I'm so tired of life. Every day is getting more and more of a struggle. I'm feel so alone and have no one to talk to and certainly no one that will ever love me because I'm ugly and a mess. I have no goals in life. I've lost interest in everything. Everything feels so draining. I thought going to college would give me a goal, but it just feels pointless. Please just let me sleep forever.",0.9685751633986932,3.1331601058823537,2.9474509803921585,90.75241830065364,83.23529411764707,6.601307189542485,24.73856209150327,7.793537801064563,1.3991699346405229,319,13,69,6,9,107,53,85,0.203,0.6920000000000001,0.105,-0.5705,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,0,1,3,0,6,6,1,0,2,14,19,9,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,2,3,5,3,7,14,2,5,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,42,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126474380121013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515989453595444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241306884781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857218076680742,0.17298919763158085,0.0,0.36905300382348105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114447189298988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727013575507813,0.19695965164934995,0.11668690194283375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995147753357776,0.2900442289211574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241287567656375,0.0,0.18530743331470895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782574640659317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537741349584725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546619190156354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214642862760112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502676177572564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299948929170635,0.0,0.2359827383815567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458519550761812,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zenex_458_,2019/04/04,"I need help I think there is something wrong with my brain, sometimes i get this ""woke"" feeling. Its like real life isn't real and i need to kill myself to get to ""real life"" (its similar to the end of inception, i have what Mal had). This started when i was about 8 years old. It happens alot. ",2.154,3.685033066666669,3.4466666666666685,91.725,76.66666666666666,6.133333333333334,23.666666666666664,6.742157984588678,0.6190666666666664,224,7,49,2,5,73,44,60,0.127,0.764,0.109,-0.4767,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,10,14,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,8,1,7,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,31,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123715100472882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849677192647736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619140154419603,0.13590797647417446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878580194078668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682292009229335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751431457850435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047312076176392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687452301544232,0.09294198454302438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28212210046627345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996255868423078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6496066125605061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645656619455458,0.188152892351894,0.0,0.13465332916843406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189854317553528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799831400182586,0.0,0.12250875763286788
suicidewatch,v1le420,2019/04/04,"When my parents pass, im ending it all... So ive had girlfriends, have a loving family, im mentally stable, have a job, provide for myself, but coonstantly want to end my life i hate being alive and i dont get why at all....ive been to therapy a lot about the subject and nothing has worked..i dont get why i want to kill myself but i dont do it because of my parents they wouldnt be able to take it.. so basically when they pass on their own, im going to do a lot of heroin and slip away i dont do drugs but i already have it my ex roomate sold it and i have enough to end it im sure...i think about it daily, i cry myself asleep everynight because i want to die but i cant because my parents couldnt handle it ive even talked to them about it and im fine around them and family but when i get into bed at night i want to die my girlfriends have even caught me crying about it it has always been an issue...only reason i havent done it is because of my parents it unrelently torture that terrizes me on a daily basis, to the point where i (not to sound like a peace of shit) cant wait to they pass...even though i love them beyond understanding!!! Please help!!!",-0.1833333333333336,1.8178573333333323,2.38904761904762,93.96428571428574,86.77777777777777,4.8698412698412685,18.52380952380953,6.18269132825596,-0.19377142857142848,896,24,206,8,28,309,117,252,0.156,0.71,0.134,-0.94,5,0,1,0,0,4,37.0,0,0,7,0,15,8,4,0,9,0,28,6,2,1,1,27,45,17,3,6,6,5,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,14,8,0,1,3,0,1,4,10,4,0,0,6,1,36,4,29,35,5,21,0,0,0,2,18,10,1,2,8,140,50,1,0.08346200336621393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210239612880486,0.0,0.06944707280237873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429887796820517,0.0,0.0,0.0784152995637032,0.0,0.0,0.20351065034294474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335818324806485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324076508634342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541060683227346,0.3912673854105468,0.0,0.09678942647244504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176768644223194,0.08623856027711696,0.0,0.16537759822345066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573610976911739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081635597508046,0.0,0.047433379895641725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240144913220887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05594282155284865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507664289359789,0.0,0.08282315994257987,0.0,0.09233834080014257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895168124223499,0.04077531901610144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191282126494087,0.15065543322435776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411006892045071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832343628802793,0.0,0.08008404321256085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706987107040007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161621652688157,0.07889857048463587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581284003749923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567254707420242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866195044041889,0.0,0.06275303955691505,0.06708359682126516,0.0,0.0,0.09544607463498428,0.0,0.0,0.05347908170908017,0.08200099454756833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688688894986743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691220804534249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062295270764833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Stupid_cray0n,2019/04/04,"I don’t want to be around anyone I often fantasize about being in a horrific car accident that I’m not at fault for.  I want to either die, or be hospitalized for a long time. If I die my family has no guilt over my death because it wouldn’t be of my own volition.  If I were hospitalized, I could at least rest guilt free. I just want to sleep. I want to be left alone.",2.1451054852320652,3.1641815063291148,4.481708860759493,86.38222573839663,75.70886075949367,8.810970464135021,22.02742616033755,9.2995712137729,1.41697299578059,285,7,67,7,6,100,52,79,0.309,0.5710000000000001,0.12,-0.963,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,10,1,1,0,0,14,15,3,3,8,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,11,2,13,7,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,2,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480635750155415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747328833725109,0.0,0.0,0.21321764225121964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600510204778552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912319035305634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971540416709184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579185008778985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26023193235818864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119617587886956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396863022870308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966214803671806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5650846671988282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shaiderrr,2019/04/04,"Is it it time? Is this the end for me? First im 26 yo male, ive been depressed i think since the day my mother died back in 2014, now i think i just cant take it anymore, i cant be with the love of my life because i cant fight for her because just recently i went broke, bills are due and i dont know what to do anymore, my relatives except my aunt i think doesnt care for me i think, i dont have a purpose in life anymore, the only thing thats keeping me killing myself is that i dont want to get hurt doing it, im coward i guess, but i dont want to live anymore, every night i go to bed i really wish that i wont wake up....",0.5352875695732848,1.0646983605442202,3.1878045763760063,96.00968460111318,79.0,6.161781076066791,21.526901669758807,6.11248444174946,-0.03427346938775466,477,12,128,3,11,169,83,147,0.136,0.8009999999999999,0.062,-0.6895,0,0,0,0,1,4,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,5,0,19,4,1,0,0,16,35,2,2,3,4,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,2,0,1,5,0,1,2,9,5,0,1,2,0,26,2,13,31,0,14,0,3,0,1,6,3,0,1,9,79,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616764748225438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894901457733026,0.0,0.14189009472647549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865863742786048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505640265797166,0.0,0.10023916621303124,0.0,0.12078556344429925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5455927371440148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307941454508247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805638511284806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989939958561775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060804500435391214,0.0,0.06614225599739308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820728028694592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245887416561812,0.0,0.25142385892221564,0.0,0.0,0.1034451738317892,0.12875882319612486,0.0,0.06396019736654943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440730982187035,0.0,0.0,0.10276694626569828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050387960297892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921610024324337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851333165527607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745569324230305,0.0,0.1149126344773994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627193219903137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750436119289441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731865929235199,0.2982901172709803,0.0,0.0,0.06786295525531441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372895806940342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788676352111434,0.0,0.0,0.13383291570716147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RingosTheName,2019/04/04,"I just dont care anymore I don't care if I live, I don't care if I die, fuck it. I've seen fucked up shit and if I die at least I wont have to deal with it. I don't wanna commit suicide but if I was dying I wouldnt stop it",-3.6443842364532015,-2.340390068965516,0.4586699507389192,106.53189655172415,96.24137931034485,3.3142857142857145,11.733990147783251,3.1291,-2.0304906403940883,168,2,53,0,7,63,33,58,0.267,0.5670000000000001,0.166,-0.5208,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,1,12,14,6,4,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,1,10,3,5,10,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,2,3,4,1,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223093783095834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5620370790225102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943850687034136,0.0,0.0,0.5721114512847318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21535400130953014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397484116033844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225489508184435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861705833671305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362349158419908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099302131547692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lazy_Adhesiveness,2019/04/04,"Are You Feeling Depressed? Do you need some help? Were always here for you. Are You Feeling Depressed and in need some help? We want you to know that were always here for you.

Discuss your feeling and let our community help you overcome your fears.

Don’t worry. Stand-up and let us hear you.

## [TALK TO US](https://www.frontonet.com/post/)",3.019833333333332,6.122435983333336,1.9566666666666668,92.90833333333332,89.16666666666666,4.0,21.66666666666667,5.82211442006289,0.21416666666666684,269,9,48,2,9,76,35,60,0.16699999999999998,0.637,0.196,-0.4479,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,10,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,13,16,3,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,13,0,5,12,2,1,0,2,0,0,19,1,0,2,0,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036722456687394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31433567225179593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053382233671057,0.27679873044024905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566570914803534,0.0,0.3669330087894767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028501032143552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731917666481889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27060990894049664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476326238137946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666871958894234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389965794222593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763011672730824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853150333669385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nautilus_BIG,2019/04/04,"m24 nowhere to go in life hi , it's the first time i am posting here dont know even if this post is ok to do.

lately i have been thinking of pulling the plug out once in for all.

I dont fit at all in the society especially lately.

I am very ugly short male and the straw that broke my back is that my hair is now balding.

I got all type of jokes  from friends and family regarding how i look so i cut them all off.

My hair falling seems to be my wits end and can bare more bullying.

I didnt leave my house for two weeks i cant face people now.

I have been ranked in top 5 in the best university here (i live in a third world country) for the last  years and the second i get sick or fuck up even in the tiniest thing my parents turn against me and make me feel like a loser basically because of my looks, i look like one of them disfigured villains so people give me so much shit about it.

I can even talk about how lonely it is that u cant get any gf in all school years.

I am stuck in internship in a bank that i totally hate and people hate me there so much but i need it so i can finish my master degree.

Only thing that keeping me alive is to play some video games with my brother who is the only one that cares about me i believe out of pity.

I think suicide is my best option as i dont have much to live for now and to leave with whatever honor left with me.",2.0825252525252544,2.9334799966329967,3.620454545454546,93.15068181818184,75.63299663299662,6.881481481481483,22.59090909090909,7.1686216300943375,0.4483616161616162,1057,27,257,11,22,351,158,297,0.128,0.76,0.112,-0.4362,1,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,8,20,20,6,0,12,1,26,8,5,3,6,33,48,18,1,2,3,2,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,14,12,0,1,5,4,1,3,6,10,0,6,5,6,40,10,39,42,13,40,0,4,3,1,12,21,2,5,16,177,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989288187142782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903029685977256,0.0,0.06265279942721884,0.0,0.0,0.11579613655921522,0.21571932003112024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478949676376033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613667930287143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103121535041374,0.0,0.0,0.20365262405262108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968903914824908,0.0,0.05196788097904122,0.07342495724284817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742331138522716,0.0,0.0,0.07940638852351108,0.09501703643856828,0.10739501379274144,0.09859447066325792,0.05841137123288138,0.0,0.08220132891937082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20294491541519213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859255142618835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135422370801408,0.0,0.0,0.05648435748325745,0.08377816812954883,0.2318771746089929,0.2176551126778183,0.11166910494168214,0.0,0.0725954706457481,0.10042473470913288,0.0,0.18151053840775752,0.0,0.2589240801685787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860542470006456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266619968964906,0.07620893085673643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945571285271193,0.13929069810969874,0.15633531080582608,0.0,0.0,0.11412332440846895,0.0,0.0,0.21376094366210247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968667212707099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401729551722542,0.0,0.09356565611709312,0.0,0.0,0.10550061923960732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242296109701877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260943846263619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656289290562598,0.1317125830702061,0.0,0.0,0.05993095053387387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179345833648953,0.10039962780221276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848029989704688,0.0,0.0,0.08244268659327922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237192583434662
suicidewatch,physisyd,2019/04/04,I feel like I’m already living in hell So I realized I’m suicidal because no matter what relationships I build friends boyfriends coworkers etc the same shit happens and I attract the same people with the same bullshit that always comes out over time. I have tried so hard to change and fix myself and grow but no matter what I am lied to deceived cheated on forgotten about or just invisible. I’m 23. I feel like I’m living in the shadow of my moms mistakes and mental instability. Craving love and attention. I want to be alone. But if I am going to be alone I’d rather just be dead. ,2.4057471264367827,4.860600379310345,3.947241379310345,83.98022988505748,79.6896551724138,6.625287356321839,26.04597701149425,7.793537801064563,1.6912666666666674,468,19,89,8,12,155,74,116,0.314,0.557,0.129,-0.9803,0,2,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,4,0,6,2,1,0,0,26,17,11,2,4,7,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,3,11,5,12,14,4,9,1,0,0,1,4,5,2,2,3,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39461570874719537,0.21022927172096115,0.0,0.15851713041188276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613133210243334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153120315659015,0.1641049586655411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124657238533931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265218154050687,0.2721965553696148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718527760904018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826954921757732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846475899266555,0.0,0.17065690128869707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614424773394,0.0,0.3364424384645326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194005443283578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198630303621453,0.0,0.0,0.22311955956582813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207360440342644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204533281085146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955527536189307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838379690061976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108619540215113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293417846846253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112365996516653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ducks_r_awsum,2019/04/04,"I dont want to die, I just want the pain to stop Idk what else to say.

Everything around me is going great, I have literally nothing to complain about. It's just that I feel like shit all the time. I can't focus, everything feels like a dream.

I can't even appreciate what is happening around and to me. I just want to feel as I should, and I shouldn't feel this bad with no reason.

I'm sorry, just wanted to vent. I don't know if this is the right sub for this.",1.6347000000000025,2.82328167,3.3270000000000017,93.47350000000002,77.3,7.0,19.5,7.6454224807358475,0.2128000000000001,357,7,88,5,8,119,59,100,0.228,0.617,0.155,-0.5709,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,4,0,10,2,1,1,1,24,22,4,1,7,5,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,5,12,3,13,20,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,4,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063515291485689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436684334683882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857797703816178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166078732335907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373957489600475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364837417049632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309284751194404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480081954158085,0.2458488434315021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778942065540493,0.0,0.0,0.18970404675011932,0.0,0.0,0.15215793638928954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456330981100408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681261100261694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651025545033594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183091006352722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691313439026138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694394616018105,0.0,0.1368342758015143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662390415549825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261448439803325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385539194001526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033342495366993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059573824824547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SmoochDemon,2019/04/04,"Living feels empty For years now I've felt empty. I have no drive, no passion, no love, no will to do anything. My future is grim given my circumstances with not much to look foward to and my current home state is terrible on a good day. I don't feel a need or a want to keep living. When I'm not at work which is where I can barely muster up enough fake happiness to persevere through the day I'm either asleep, crying, or doing nothing. It feels as if I have no soul to fuel me. No fire to drive me. I don't want to live. I'm 18 and haven't done anything stupid until this point because I thought the years of feeling this way were just something teens go through. I've been in love, held jobs, been on my own, finished school, etc. It feels like my life has been standard in terms of what a young adult should have been or is currently doing. On good weeks I eat a meal about two times if not less. I don't enjoy living. I feel completely void and empty.",2.42166457286432,3.8328267286432194,3.3138913316582936,93.45616363065328,75.68341708542714,6.1810301507537675,21.98523869346733,6.6274283507984215,0.28213793969849243,745,19,167,6,16,237,117,199,0.157,0.6940000000000001,0.149,0.0451,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,5,12,1,0,7,0,24,7,1,0,0,29,45,11,0,6,10,0,8,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,4,2,2,8,0,0,3,13,4,0,1,10,9,16,8,24,33,7,29,1,1,1,3,3,9,0,5,16,105,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168206733306683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030714169471669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812629954324507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447095921336252,0.16992208441241524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348151891520681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348023389824028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612206079735312,0.14692430269993834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996685242650099,0.09411468440575746,0.12649052478852885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748705613965561,0.22099358891458104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023908676410934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214540271191966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307310694532117,0.11709607000486424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305146459281732,0.06436123743608008,0.0,0.4653133670085763,0.0,0.11062795269787916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377999815270476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684364874346962,0.09768312772399408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640754859599218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453635559108035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332734955453604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141945943232143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458640230761118,0.0768183286369158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869029332640347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540667347157408,0.10456863789126243,0.10567343477813199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590788351703748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967176409619672
suicidewatch,actual_mensch,2019/04/04,"Why does suicide feel so inevitable Hi everyone. I’m a 19 year old lad from Edmonton, Alberta. I’ve lived a good life up until recently. Even the problems I’ve had aren’t that bad. I was a straight A student throughout high school without ever having to study. I had an amazing girlfriend who I loved more than anything in the world. And then we broke up, in Sept. 2018. I didn’t feel it that badly at first. I don’t know why. A little while later I started dating my best friend- and I love her even more than I loved my ex. But she doesn’t love me, not in the same way. She doesn’t make me feel valued or cared for in the same way, even though she tries. I got super, super depressed. I can’t go to my uni classes anymore because I can’t drag myself out of bed or do anything other than play video games and occasionally go to the gym to stay fit. Nothing helps. I just need to feel loved again so badly. So today I tried to kill myself- wrote notes to all my friends and family, as well as to my ex, put on nice clothing so at least I could look good in death, and lay down under my weighted blanket and tried to OD on a huge amount of prescription meds. I couldn’t do it (obviously). I don’t want to do it. But it feels like it’s going to have to happen. Without someone to love me life feels so empty and crushing, no matter how good it is. Even though I have so much I want to live for there’s a constant lurking knowledge that I’m going to kill myself sooner or later. Idk, I guess I’m just here to vent. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am without external love. I don’t know how to love myself without putting all my value in how one other person thinks of me. I don’t even know what’s stopping me, or what’s making me want to. I don’t know what to do. All my life I’ve known what to do and how to do it and now I’m totally lost without anyone to talk to. If I talk to my girlfriend I’m scared she’ll think I’m guilting her into not leaving, since her ex highkey did that and made her life hell. I can’t talk to any friends because they all know her so well, word will get back to her and I can’t let her know that she’s making me feel this way. I can’t talk to my parents for a plethora of reasons. I’ve tried suicide hotlines but they’re too impersonal, I never feel like they actually care. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just want to feel loved. I don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: Never EVER date your best friend, especially if you already know they have their own tough shit to deal with. 

I just wish I had anybody to talk to to tell me they love me.",1.0481386655381613,2.74155073021583,2.7962970799830735,94.43209973197914,80.36690647482014,5.296036112286641,21.513471575680644,6.0133408523071825,0.04174669205811821,2010,59,465,13,51,666,235,556,0.103,0.722,0.17600000000000002,0.9893,2,0,0,0,0,4,60.0,1,2,5,6,33,45,4,2,14,0,42,16,1,9,10,96,104,38,6,11,21,4,10,2,6,2,4,0,1,1,24,16,1,1,25,4,0,6,29,15,2,2,10,11,79,30,71,89,15,54,1,3,1,10,54,22,2,7,24,305,103,3,0.0,0.0,0.052779690634545004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968474456278616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03678002572407516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053638328079274725,0.03781787108001427,0.0,0.08901559138904391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158844611431031,0.1354775144246793,0.06594009326607711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135188867232571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028763683471964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844726062093952,0.0,0.043182907231994465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575982269149623,0.04658380122828799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047330625486841416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861496409152128,0.09784694501847167,0.0,0.05168105666732616,0.0,0.0,0.0509870389619538,0.0,0.2461254927899268,0.07727744925867958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600513751239317,0.0,0.0,0.16714543366079582,0.0,0.028257465310993227,0.0,0.12295224801151801,0.1360931688955063,0.04325715167632218,0.0,0.05958132620750066,0.0,0.04782766941063448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036252401184371084,0.057144348496788774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196752856744492,0.0,0.3269640158163918,0.0,0.0,0.05726878352214021,0.0,0.05530613484952167,0.15280888160907152,0.05284693129022747,0.054207925538240435,0.09551705542931954,0.0,0.04541823656521222,0.0,0.05904076213683007,0.0,0.4881431660266816,0.05117705104129356,0.10830756513608594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060076848519496885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975909922586448,0.04010374679457713,0.08342821416878524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189653976007634,0.0,0.05675368200655965,0.0,0.03664976548701618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060055597867347085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722541229727136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175256278819101,0.0,0.10874182384103434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560894887775414,0.05340295141459565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414906650963723,0.054737459701690284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055518035394172056,0.044740122278070935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582650732708536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038282027597928564,0.05764799536724965,0.0,0.045217937965729434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832161703480724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735956440431528,0.04727315082747385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931166756606373,0.10627754801561304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126677323284263,0.0,0.0,0.14688214095025176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276042245637608,0.1287917660200473,0.0,0.06586162388821469,0.09725880193013588,0.0,0.09760758498699944,0.0,0.06219570831081137,0.26068267986567245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059134053692651865,0.0,0.034829318143504234
suicidewatch,larzc,2019/04/04,"Has anyone here ever really and truly come out of it? I’ve felt very sick for a very long time. I couldn’t keep up at my job and got fired. I just didn’t care about my work and it was obvious to everyone. I feel like I have no control over my attitude. I’ve been living with my parents for the past six months and have basically spent all that time locked in my bedroom hoping somehow I’d have s brain aneurysm or something. I’m almost 29. I just have no motivation to get a job and become a slave again and continue the cycle of misery. I don’t want to die... truthfully I don’t think any of us do. But I feel completely beyond hope.

I am very fortunate to have a very loving and supportive network. But I do not even want to be around them anymore because I so dread being asked “how’s it going”. For a while I was able to be sociable and forget about how sad and angry I am ALL THE TIME. But now it’s like someone is always whispering in my ear that I’ll never live a normal life and that it’s never going to get better and I have to run away. I can’t even fake it anymore so I just continue to isolate myself. I just have given up on improving my life and I can’t find the motivation to turn any of this around. I didn’t pay a speeding ticket and my license got suspended. I stopped taking care of myself and let one of my fucking teeth rot out of my head and my poor parents feel like they have to get me a dental implant. All because I’m a negligent, stupid, short sighted, self gratifying piece of garbage. I just feel helpless and humiliated every day. Sometimes I try to get out of bed and accomplish something but the energy fades so quickly and I’m back to pitying myself again in no time.

I’m just rambling. But I honestly just want to meet someone who was like me and found success. I realize that I have severe depression which has likely shaken my perception of reality.... but even given that I can’t help but feel like once it is as bad as it is for me right now, you can’t come back. I’d love for this to get better but I’ve only seen it get worse and over again. I hate every waking moment of my life and I can feel my grip on life receding all the time. I feel like I have a terminal illness. I just want silence and solitude.

This is hard :(",2.013902439024392,3.719913176220807,3.9972502718657767,86.86532390865312,77.53503184713375,7.0579669618352225,24.01434415618041,7.933642134475585,1.2583512091554034,1770,59,375,29,41,603,213,471,0.145,0.7020000000000001,0.154,0.345,4,0,2,0,0,1,41.0,1,1,2,8,32,29,3,1,16,0,38,14,5,5,9,88,85,39,1,8,18,2,11,7,0,0,6,2,2,1,19,30,0,3,15,1,3,5,15,10,0,2,14,15,55,19,53,66,5,51,0,4,2,3,13,19,1,5,34,253,74,8,0.07525518643453713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535719862503074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261834368082651,0.0,0.0,0.1023522147715758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492658465424773,0.05262017612526718,0.0,0.0,0.13398614190556646,0.0703534406128628,0.0,0.07070472490449944,0.11573318628544893,0.06283493726160114,0.0917497263142136,0.08311344091722736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331141937069805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400967644538057,0.0,0.0,0.15345535613054032,0.0,0.0,0.12965135912751008,0.07890363118677379,0.0,0.08440509066472016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853336954403603,0.0,0.06481718180356191,0.0,0.07810300225738538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491160226743347,0.06807262457077172,0.126811480601348,0.07190955562836485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26635898398656904,0.21504928090212225,0.07225678056633088,0.0,0.06878187703851249,0.0,0.0,0.0825134276069541,0.0,0.06957220721281092,0.23590637321261876,0.0,0.08553851341439878,0.0,0.12037689456762572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741386542031079,0.0742989164747353,0.07723353240364708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044196515582206,0.0,0.0,0.14949076087633378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493583209410344,0.06689026746996707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769535268241892,0.21261985495592345,0.2573611796393365,0.0,0.1329034167212515,0.0665984718519538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584148783162986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060067971835689314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160828782267966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373410451685124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014431748919268,0.05099486194757536,0.0572349604120426,0.0,0.0,0.16712395736935448,0.0,0.07183959075360387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821039944914473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426751802774186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850757199753286,0.08501694013384091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275269505073456,0.1158702383061301,0.07442930365389172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291670556345844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539869375160601,0.0,0.0,0.0565825345752631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048220484796005415,0.0,0.0,0.21940952198078367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109333170887504,0.08185603276999225,0.0,0.0,0.09052272335403644,0.0,0.0,0.2483736406767749,0.17754983501495147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054786672009287656,0.0,0.0766914642072367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WanderCooper,2019/04/04,"I want to die because i’m stupid. That’s it. I have no words to describe my feelings right now. I just feel stupid, useless, and overdramatic. I really want to fucking die but I don’t have the balls to take my own life. Somebody please kill me. I can’t stand my own stupidity.",-0.10171052631578804,2.224980649122813,1.8869956140350903,94.22417763157895,93.38596491228071,4.955263157894739,21.160087719298247,6.6274283507984215,0.4013877192982456,215,8,48,3,8,71,40,57,0.36,0.5589999999999999,0.081,-0.9581,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,8,11,2,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,10,0,4,11,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718565729572217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851794809569922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28509570236463605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26063164621802537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311904085132194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912931124311084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094648653146025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060596719066646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407592010223393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119696891091826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325689067484737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,murzzuh,2019/04/04,"small little vent Why do I feel alone when I have friends, I have a big feeling I’m gonna die alone. I hate myself and everything about myself. I’m 14 and have my whole life ahead of me, but I don’t want to live anymore, but I’m too much of a pussy to do kill myself. I just don’t want be on this Earth anymore. I fucking hate it. I don’t know what to do.",0.05055749128919729,1.1773485853658556,2.217595818815333,100.02792682926832,81.4390243902439,5.173519163763067,19.031358885017426,5.288315135182226,-0.6424689895470386,272,6,73,1,7,92,49,82,0.241,0.682,0.077,-0.9451,0,2,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,4,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,0,10,22,5,2,2,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,13,1,8,20,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203358687959164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024919106538914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106029432354734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823748929731494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520881533161497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677848135893238,0.18759985125950412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4006906274158297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450520045092096,0.0,0.1115216540056869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333113308644518,0.0,0.20338303134862815,0.17918549811508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917239580663896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937951643584665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310723312286314,0.22655725803064786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chungk12,2019/04/04,"im losing hope my face is on fire and the right side is swollen. i cant sleep. im losing my hair like crazy. im only 18. i lost  ALL my friends. my parents arent healthy and getting old. two of my grandparents died a few months apart. im always exhausted now but i cant sleep. i have ptsd and disgusting intrusive thoughts (ocd). nothing seems to be looking up. i cant function as a person anymore and i find myself envying people who do basic shit. i have been to several doctors and theyre not sure how to treat me. i was abused as a child. i feel like its unfair for me to say considering all the things i have in life. i try to be grateful, positive and persevering. i really try to maintain a sense of optimism but its been years and things have only gotten worse. im starting to realize that nothing has ever went that well for me and starting to feel like enough is enough. theres a bridge by my school and every class, when my fucking head burns and im struggling to process the basic words of my professor and obsessing over my misfortunes, i consider jumping off that fucking bridge. when i drive, i consider just mashing it and crashing into something to end it all right then. as im laying in bed right now, exhausted beyond imagination, anxiety never letting loose, i think of places in my bedroom that could hold a noose.  i didnt want to admit it, i never wanted it to come to this, ive always thought i was strong mentally, but shit can be overwhelming and  well... fuck, im depressed and suicidal. no therapy is going to help only recovery in my health but it seems surreal at this point. i need help, i pray but when will my prayers be answered?",2.169018584637921,4.449060549848942,3.758071958253229,85.98415178980134,79.45317220543807,7.1541151698251415,26.6466172296988,8.199878495009871,1.9283204431017125,1306,55,258,26,33,433,180,331,0.209,0.66,0.131,-0.978,3,0,1,0,1,0,40.0,0,0,0,4,12,25,6,3,9,0,28,16,7,1,7,50,52,27,2,5,7,1,4,3,1,1,6,1,2,2,16,16,0,1,12,0,0,5,9,15,2,1,10,6,38,10,35,35,6,38,1,5,1,3,9,18,5,3,18,167,54,4,0.0,0.08759799046257855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303562001739705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655820371606904,0.0,0.07332123023879435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368635138953607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059029130789797275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367800297968793,0.0,0.07673032168447426,0.0,0.0,0.0756731048445581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548230112565454,0.1527841895265501,0.0,0.0,0.06687623049378817,0.06229136792821436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476504445277156,0.1056348669367214,0.0,0.0,0.06757301766498952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712011011367475,0.20504837274292215,0.0386267095605582,0.0,0.042017575899765784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758761329894938,0.07858685081177935,0.0,0.0,0.09911086900471316,0.0,0.0,0.07343171094177288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6388787873030866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560104858090158,0.05222075142998611,0.10835913856648606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620847274604869,0.16542324005677447,0.08070611946946694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450662829794022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901226161188386,0.0,0.0,0.05482005419366643,0.11404269145824684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418805647603904,0.0,0.07757978174025416,0.0,0.0,0.16868712330193067,0.0,0.0,0.08209335518162078,0.0,0.0,0.05125552602259912,0.06455505703035036,0.07724378628601591,0.0,0.06989016344639208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642320269780153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736308914322281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894139990629522,0.0,0.058794136734277025,0.0,0.07482369471961789,0.0,0.13461084629693645,0.0,0.08352274530499827,0.15178141457076766,0.0,0.0,0.14797190034729493,0.0,0.0,0.0569168943697382,0.0,0.0,0.10465968869749873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772903610191349,0.0,0.0808702175803618,0.0,0.06968055998382695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454832217593344,0.0,0.09823501137949016,0.04737299723749005,0.0,0.11738838376723132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003907062377444,0.0,0.07222136533430619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721467524914725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294849530972205,0.06853622100533087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753435917825832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047610142711491873
suicidewatch,snakeheart,2019/04/04,"Pictures at the mall I’ve realized that I want to take some portraits at the mall for the purpose of an obituary. A nice headshot that looks like me, so my loved ones won’t have to search for one. I’m 32 and I’ve had more and more progressively vivid and harmful thoughts. They won’t abate, and I just want to prepare.",0.6786363636363646,3.063199212121216,1.7517424242424262,97.19761363636366,87.18181818181819,5.118181818181818,23.40151515151515,6.6274283507984215,0.5250060606060605,252,10,57,3,8,79,46,66,0.0,0.8140000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.8773,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,2,5,3,8,7,3,2,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648693727596675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337733525156422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629870393723805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450609900414707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30239254639373564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192894153183984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4744374489847531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nytwg229464,2019/04/04,"Is this fate? Hey reddit I'm a 17 year old guy and by all accounts I should be perfectly happy. I have a loving family, enough money to live comfortably, an amazing dog and until a few months ago went to a reputable school. But for some reason something inside me doesn't work the way it should. I can't seem to feel anything anymore I just feel blank if that makes sense. Self harm doesn't seem to work either, it's like my body has just turned off it's receptors. As far as I can tell most of this originated after a funeral I attended. I think I left a part of me there, the part that knew how to smile and appreciate those arround him. Everything started to go wrong after that, I found myself shaking uncontrollably in class so I didn't turn up, I locked myself in my room for days at a time because it was the only place I felt safe anymore. Eventually I got kicked out of school for not turning up, the girl I had been wanting to go out with for ages chose another guy, my parents have up on trying to help me and my brother stopped talking to me. Maybe it's something I did wrong in a past life if you believe in that but I can't see a future for me anywhere and at this point there doesn't seem to be much to leave behind. ",4.475964566929132,4.766830405511811,5.328021653543306,85.13841043307089,69.74803149606299,8.239763779527559,28.07972440944882,8.07648339933343,1.6115047244094491,969,31,207,12,16,317,152,254,0.059,0.852,0.08800000000000001,0.7845,2,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,6,12,0,2,14,0,19,3,1,4,2,38,41,14,1,5,8,2,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,13,8,0,2,10,0,2,5,7,5,0,0,10,4,29,7,40,27,9,39,0,0,1,1,13,18,0,7,16,140,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835401954286843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163449351238921,0.0,0.0,0.22007309215650064,0.0,0.0,0.09130568172340092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763652383378807,0.0,0.0,0.12500715405935062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324487259523599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715561460021642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146451338590006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997182938735512,0.0,0.10459754923454423,0.0,0.11220334454531528,0.0,0.10653323246306674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216553255719242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261154214552356,0.0,0.08874004343704835,0.0,0.0,0.21972379296534086,0.0,0.11811258792408726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437012219090039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748425729388492,0.12055183721933715,0.0,0.07837008602081813,0.05420651610744495,0.0,0.09797440792219812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014030993265112,0.0,0.07406265139426749,0.0,0.11146819843856222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856241804576406,0.0,0.08156395082879174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642755038888244,0.0,0.0,0.08438551087940033,0.0,0.0,0.12320127786646262,0.2403047224237468,0.10591814030213564,0.0,0.0,0.11592330654079155,0.0,0.10488738616958353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407918338741775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245827274022988,0.08841596655610214,0.3030250421933321,0.11574921207631675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083560790099445,0.0,0.0,0.07853380678686647,0.0,0.0,0.09276250570628763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918061610263099,0.0969786797158078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109483810365502,0.0,0.0,0.06469816514543364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533047752186284,0.3620582469593194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544353934390719,0.08807011455949289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285546241001324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155165561757354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426215453370708,0.0,0.07145073323515055
suicidewatch,bluestblanket,2019/04/04,"how do I plan for the future you never thought youd have I hate when people ask me about the future because I never expected to have one. Being in college almost doesnt feel real because I never planned to be here for it. 

People ask me why I never thought about things growing up. Why I havent been planning my wedding since I was in dipers, or why I never really learned how to do a lot of ""normal"" adult things. I cant tell people its because I thought I was never going to do any of that. I never wanted to do any of that stuff. 

The idea that I have a life now and that I am planning for my future feels so fake. I dont know how to get out of this mind set actually be happy for the life I have and actually live it till I die in what ever way Im ""supposed"" to die.

I dont know how to think/plan for a future I never truly wanted or anticipated on being in",2.562147264500208,3.1148429358288787,4.9119786096256695,85.4667009461127,74.18716577540106,6.823364870423695,24.010283833813247,6.67199483983844,0.7254018099547519,667,18,147,5,13,236,89,187,0.103,0.866,0.031,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,4,11,3,1,0,7,0,22,2,0,4,9,35,36,11,2,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,3,0,0,9,0,0,2,13,2,0,1,6,2,25,1,27,25,1,27,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,16,115,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.19372943249839525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939585990723844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500218408134831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559184403719545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152631287356305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060351290216672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23266702324609875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978753428749428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037899778057613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185993563742872,0.0,0.05641248779905497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566550622117858,0.0,0.0979999897545208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120539325877678,0.10721924403667024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910283597547167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022239216889215,0.0,0.0,0.08764955193830003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438841292515108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022562305838686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6124515089406293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725500491877703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726202999333028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064458746940803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298109753690533,0.06358933449162887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821099782381683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363044755546242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675875675011432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188960243935458,0.06360263702598487,0.0,0.2364071686150022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709378035343745,0.07878900463909144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687036692484959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,isvxden,2019/04/04,"I just want to end it Hey. This is my first post on reddit and I just don’t know what to do. 

A couple days ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. She meant the world to me, I’ve still be talking to her but this weekend she already made plans to hangout with a guy, and she said that she’s not sure what could happen, but it basically sounds like she is going to hookup with this guy. 

I’m only 19 and I realize I’m still young, but the amount of pain that I’m experiencing going through all of this is just too much for me. I’ve thought about it and I feel like tomorrow just might be the day I end my life.

I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to ruin anybody else’s life, but my life just feels completely empty and I’m heartbroken. I can’t imagine my ex girlfriend doing sexual things with anyone else, especially less than a week after a break up. We discussed going on a break, and we never really were clear on boundaries, but she said that if I just went on a break, that things with other guys wouldn’t have got sexual, but now they are.

I’m just in the toughest part of my life I’ve ever been in. I’m not exactly sure where I was going with this post, I just needed to vent to people and know I’m not crazy for thinking what I think.",2.436598513011156,3.3985585613382945,3.955871747211898,90.65685594795539,74.91078066914498,7.015687732342008,21.62843866171003,7.365786028017652,0.4664050557620816,979,22,227,11,20,326,131,269,0.13,0.82,0.05,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,2,0,1,2,15,8,0,0,10,0,19,5,0,1,7,58,48,14,0,7,18,1,2,2,2,2,5,3,0,3,18,15,0,0,10,2,0,5,9,4,0,1,10,6,31,4,34,33,5,37,0,3,0,0,21,10,0,2,19,149,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171673192883014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266267154529616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604682347345279,0.11757237010629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031056662128894,0.0,0.0,0.09161653864070994,0.12696592203210366,0.0,0.14800528447319816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171361802475576,0.0,0.20326444557432166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379567974662042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116039563727841,0.08197563422522172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760416166358872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608545858293554,0.0,0.09177405510818784,0.0,0.0,0.3408541854921359,0.10147083194546913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283956796470866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612444602942385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241982002593986,0.11211966106364556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085768553991288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172896009001545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435261273579601,0.0850838144848296,0.08850034304148119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727064159341437,0.12209942627515563,0.0,0.0,0.12426035634138215,0.0,0.07955146581983905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21979276447693555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351018435432335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218302291629634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183274997408924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162963144078007,0.0,0.0,0.0922296909015039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246627547284186,0.14705112455035216,0.0,0.09109669457677247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030431388221,0.0,0.09204352000318704,0.0,0.0,0.10637207859934164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389362541945182
suicidewatch,TarinSilvergraft,2019/04/04,"I love school, but it's driving me insane. I am super lucky to have something I'm passionate about and I'm good at. I care a lot about my major and I'm passionate to the point where it makes me above average at it.

But I'm a computer science major. It's overcrowded. I hate it here. Some quarters I can't even take classes in my major. My talent means absolutely nothing. This is my second year in college and I've gotten As in every single CS and math class here. And it means nothing.

I don't have much more than this. I have no resume, no experiences, and with the amount of competition in the industry I'll probably just die after graduation.

I don't want to continue. This quarter I'm forced to take the two worst classes at the school. People have urged me to drop them and take other classes, but there literally are no other classes I can take. Not even for general education credit.

I have no motivation anymore. They killed it. I just want to die. The system won't care. UC Santa Cruz is a heartless system that overcrowds their school just to get more tuition money.",1.8696126760563383,4.412426906103292,3.8261795774647887,83.43814260563381,82.75586854460093,6.554694835680753,23.898474178403763,7.793537801064563,1.53927558685446,853,32,161,16,24,288,116,213,0.217,0.62,0.162,-0.9339,0,0,1,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,3,2,11,14,3,0,9,0,14,3,0,2,0,25,34,11,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,0,3,0,3,1,9,4,0,4,1,0,21,10,22,32,11,16,0,0,0,3,4,9,0,3,3,114,34,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386764449238079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851374743202795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290248491314404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471633339351992,0.0,0.11781506428072885,0.0,0.0,0.1367831933462125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305680419596237,0.0,0.0,0.1172850181121166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380558223742779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470414307140107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888074452277622,0.12620445361082866,0.0,0.0933394000724494,0.0,0.0,0.30463756490469257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027931095441102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683464565538989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694237410316876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218708101765336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076328012474002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245544140211713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765002907879442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42054709346751823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659621039481634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495387583304466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004766166691372
suicidewatch,gutterflower9173,2019/04/04,so done I see no hope. No future. Nothing. I’m a miserable failure at life and it’s been made abundantly apparent to me that that will not change no matter how hard I try.  I should have killed myself when I was 15 and been done with it. ,0.06946666666666701,2.2865740800000047,2.056000000000001,95.16466666666668,88.2,5.7333333333333325,18.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.2295333333333333,184,5,42,3,6,61,39,50,0.25,0.604,0.146,-0.5956,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,8,1,0,2,0,9,12,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,2,6,1,3,4,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088495440203043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5975423997192049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615342206138593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899770647403453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323004810492448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621636107879812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762547602037541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801385749103941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23265023442261834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982181944876292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KanteraRyuuzen,2019/04/04,"how long after a breakup do i have to wait so no one blames my ex? i don't want people to think that it's her fault because it really isn't. i've been suicidally depressed since long before i met her, which made me a really terrible partner, and i was only ever a burden to her. even so, my family has made her out to be some kind of villain for breaking up with me. i'm especially worried that she'd blame herself, because she also has struggled with depression. she's much happier now that we're apart, and has even gotten a job, and i would hate to be the reason she fell back to where she was. 

we broke up in december, but we were together for 6 years, and everyone can tell i'm not over her. she even came to my apartment last night and helped me clean the place, because she was worried about me. i cry in the bathrooms or an empty office at work sometimes still when i really can't help it, and i'm pretty sure all my coworkers can tell.  

i know i'd have to wait until summer vacation, because i'm a teacher and it would be too difficult for my coworkers and students if i killed myself before their classes were over. still, i don't want to have to wait too long. it's so painful to keep living. i'm so tired. i don't want to have to live to experience any more pain",5.143433583959903,4.6354433684210585,6.319984962406014,81.33641854636592,68.32330827067669,9.649724310776943,30.13934837092732,9.21078282632365,2.304975739348371,1000,33,214,17,15,338,143,266,0.238,0.716,0.046,-0.9934,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,1,1,19,15,3,1,9,0,27,3,0,4,3,37,47,19,2,6,4,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,9,14,0,4,3,0,0,2,7,13,0,1,11,0,37,2,31,30,4,30,0,3,0,0,23,12,0,3,15,148,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840137417196374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517318120363449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500091378898156,0.0,0.2695444868289317,0.0,0.18812827894438985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264319961692584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214265379384314,0.0,0.0,0.19042142912890733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903826542258711,0.099992672426014,0.0,0.1056287852214628,0.0,0.1081324820571888,0.10421031098993616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091385452450428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481895822338012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969709008670156,0.09825589428624333,0.12229969607815312,0.11511375418230067,0.0607516634965883,0.09010747940393192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522337938784534,0.2934818168958122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919733772108712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126198695513141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373732482972682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490694766487832,0.08407310110171022,0.23525156277679096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766367509914729,0.0,0.11549413838090128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246219711398232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124504546449705,0.11365684249086185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144249501926524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933007249371507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765599187222992,0.0,0.0,0.11556377645705646,0.0,0.1209163422613167,0.0,0.10418567789300284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323929569164505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708316326986582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705317137206087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560376807734128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047678170305729,0.2245240143443628,0.0,0.1570534656079952,0.0,0.0,0.07118621024473233
suicidewatch,ferugiZA,2019/04/04,"I do not know how alive I am.  I was very sick a few weeks ago and I ended up taking the insulin that my father uses to control diabetes, it usually takes about 20-30mm and is already pretty strong, I took 900mm and I just got sick but I did not die. Someone can give a tip for me to kill myself. I've already thought about an iron cutting machine on my arm, but I'm afraid it would bring a lot of pain. Somebody would help me.   I'm using google translate, sorry  ",1.7896212121212116,3.070796181818185,3.5392803030303037,91.72892045454547,77.08080808080808,5.758080808080809,24.49621212121212,5.985473137389443,0.5147060606060614,358,12,80,2,8,120,74,99,0.195,0.69,0.115,-0.8109,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,2,1,5,0,8,6,1,4,0,17,20,6,2,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,0,12,1,8,13,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165069176428515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4109877939903389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088569872431521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932627240567718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649320322817114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863527753237662,0.0,0.0,0.14893388144649908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481660513721315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602032401581527,0.0,0.10233939902899476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831411505585805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981468668471988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944853529437333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577801437419917,0.0,0.0,0.2084534754226694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800223922254612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783463904118718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068927376065684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216615299604154,0.20509052621847126,0.153647635153975,0.0,0.0,0.14937117772460834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645648919003797,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ezamora11,2019/04/04,Wellbutrin for depression? Has this worked for anyone? I’m taking 300MG and I don’t feel a difference from when I wasn’t taking it. I don’t have severe depression but i was diagnosed with recurrent depression. Which medication has worked for you?,2.8222857142857163,5.860064688888893,3.9615873015873007,78.11,91.0,8.793650793650794,24.20634920634921,8.841846274778883,3.117634920634921,201,8,33,7,7,65,30,45,0.274,0.726,0.0,-0.902,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,0,4,11,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,5,0,5,9,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,24,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364182274047318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6416725154897402,0.252055112094767,0.0,0.2594575433315128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556579430842388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501716984883349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805482143106921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734344946141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36158212648053417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NAAnymore,2019/04/04,"I forgot how to cry. I don't have the strength to get up and kill myself. It's almost 7 in the morning, another sleepless night. Some hours ago I found out that, after a lot of interview with this HR person, I've not got the job. Again. It was just a clerk position, but I'm not worth even it. So I'm restlessly lying on the bed, trying to find a solution, a reason to go on, to feel, if not happy, at least not so desperate and worthless. I'm broke. Probably I'll lose my house. I'm transsexual. Probably I'll have to interrupt my transition, head back to my parents who kicked me out. I'm gay. Heading back I'll probably have to interrupt my secret relationship with my closeted boyfriend, closeted exactly like me, thanks to our homophobic country. Be back to my parents, in my hometown, when I was brutally raped for years by some guys. Well, my PTSD would be happy to meet then again, freely around the city. What a nice situation for a borderline person. I'm just a burden for everyone, that's why I've no friends. Or maybe it is because I'm ugly. I'm not even able to study for my college exams. How could I if I've not even the money to buy groceries? Let alone college books. I should find the missing documents that my pro-bono lawyer needs, to let me have surgery and legal change of name. I should check the hospital office to understand why they haven't called me back for my new testosterone prescription.


 I should go back to search for a job but I'm so, so, so tired. Last time I attempted suicide was in August. Before that, it was last May. May 11th. I keep thinking about the closet. How ironic it would be to have a rope hanging in there? Now I'm just killing time, to delay the time when I'll be killing myself. If I'll do it. 

I don't want to. 

I want to. 

I don't want to.

 But I want to. ",1.6415040650406496,3.716617208672087,3.373353658536587,89.13368902439026,80.16531165311653,7.0268292682926825,23.800135501355015,8.07648339933343,1.3447078590785917,1406,50,301,27,36,468,181,369,0.255,0.675,0.07,-0.9976,4,1,0,0,0,3,58.0,1,0,1,3,28,19,5,1,19,0,29,5,2,4,1,57,56,21,4,14,16,2,1,1,1,7,1,0,4,3,14,8,0,3,8,1,4,3,11,11,1,0,7,1,33,8,46,35,4,38,0,4,0,2,15,11,0,10,25,189,47,9,0.09053441162189924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025329336899698,0.0,0.09065713557066833,0.09376634669032896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493322442632857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059482075338882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34807687090760264,0.0,0.05518893701468182,0.0,0.07703811611574021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924457566200022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577340306138664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228436082796495,0.0,0.09944779999819554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939137507767858,0.0,0.0,0.08650951007169992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577691877073242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549362410651644,0.0,0.0,0.09926630938320807,0.06994666183876118,0.0,0.047300493402403054,0.0,0.1029055849821198,0.0,0.07240863944993046,0.0,0.0,0.08964330130559901,0.0,0.19275112930411048,0.0,0.0,0.18582885100490776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891581586791179,0.10446455562888894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968286769170252,0.08047114485448532,0.3004887380117968,0.0,0.0,0.1475952578776044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515513955489046,0.0,0.04423054044868949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128484879927893,0.0,0.0769691192197415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095398512619456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713011906027402,0.0,0.08743869890005737,0.0,0.08496041233791422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105550016170048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810231230639224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928342246289645,0.0,0.10582988236709716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308445363227537,0.0,0.09720007652420452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176447190616428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902995198474586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833519225396348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801079534799429,0.0,0.0,0.15837403042554513,0.1040559880094066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146692265641161,0.0,0.0,0.0942495153659092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359816656127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140130879382683,0.0,0.16338644952369166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862609691405946,0.0,0.0,0.05830119279722167
suicidewatch,chasch3,2019/04/04,"I hate myself I've already thought out my plan in detail. I've removed all variables from being stopped in the middle of it which is something I never did before. I was always stopped. I refuse to be stopped this time. Nothing has helped and I'm just a burden on those around me.

I don't want to be here anymore. ",1.319084821428568,3.655637203125004,2.3569642857142874,94.44875000000002,83.21875,3.6571428571428566,24.767857142857146,3.1291,0.12556071428571425,247,10,50,0,7,78,51,64,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.9139,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,2,12,12,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,9,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798325447946435,0.0,0.21099940856751176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514838583109579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22574053413499734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157784497583848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503583856079596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996975948631493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955770243262468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24331746568541635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952187675051532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360143154171712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131470499420925,0.14786491194337115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495684330552049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ListerLean_0,2019/04/04,"Strong suicidal thoughts well, I'm 22 about to graduate with a well below average gpa, and no job prospects. I have felt this way a long time, I just want to go back in time when I was younger and had no problems. I believe in reincarnation and hopefully I will end up in a better situation after I kill myself. Also a raging alcoholic and have a xanax problem. shit faced right now and debating cycling down to the highest building at my university and jumping off lmao. If this is my last post I just want my parents to know that I love them and It has nothing to do with you, it's just my mind has been messed up for while lol ",2.2566272965879257,4.367375023622049,3.682381889763782,87.51181430446195,78.29133858267716,7.067979002624672,27.11876640419948,8.07648339933343,1.758391601049869,496,21,103,9,12,163,88,127,0.19,0.617,0.193,-0.3818,2,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,1,2,10,12,3,0,6,1,10,5,2,0,0,22,19,11,2,6,4,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,6,2,0,5,1,15,6,19,13,0,24,0,0,0,1,4,10,1,2,10,75,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19055137733949928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425886170079874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371037820974272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088610198071646,0.0,0.15769426206812376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792328270779846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119856828954175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133354209379523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709482787604186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693793237689348,0.0,0.1972655367365502,0.0,0.09799050931111483,0.14534051071750384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779229218300608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609251619628114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003491406443586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108626418306305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979840646391032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076471383642997,0.0,0.0,0.3412232364725961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522695446383962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302517497860232,0.0,0.20041972259033194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950342308386156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155243934319442,0.20793949433006287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103351222983192,0.1415283960984495,0.0,0.0,0.3206311087034785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snork_pug,2019/04/05,"Embracing my darkness Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like you can't fight it anymore?  That was my day.  My first thought this morning was that I wanted to cry.  That suicide was a valid option.  That I was a complete and useless fuck up of a human being.  

I just could sit here an cry and I don't know why.",0.6740546218487395,2.6840774558823526,2.2544537815126056,96.20147058823532,83.26470588235293,4.473949579831934,21.478991596638657,5.288315135182226,-0.1332714285714287,249,8,56,1,7,81,48,68,0.254,0.6829999999999999,0.063,-0.9362,0,0,0,0,1,1,6.0,0,3,0,1,4,4,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,1,10,15,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,1,10,1,4,8,0,7,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,1,6,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451779667999629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592077466562604,0.0,0.0,0.19738678990896275,0.0,0.5431239006697602,0.3188757011034471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362661082352134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500295976308212,0.17661557105888967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028705557285107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285529168974169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586684183968906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078026692224328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752414378989688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704209334247221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962667917890136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581804398987802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307955978789992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wytchee,2019/04/05,"Useless, unlovable tranny Who am I but an unlovable freak. 6'4'' tall transgender woman. I am an absurdity. An obscenity. I get stares everywhere I go, and none of them flattering. I crave closeness and intimacy, but I am straight and no man will ever desire me as a woman, love me as a woman. I am an aberration. I wish I could just ""stop"" being trans, but I can't. I can't just shut being who I am. But I can stop being. I can end it all. So easily. So quickly. So quietly.

:D",-0.8697809278350519,1.2015643608247473,2.8321069587628847,85.55578930412373,101.2680412371134,6.136340206185567,20.495489690721648,7.413659706084162,1.311330412371134,361,14,74,9,16,132,56,97,0.189,0.59,0.221,0.7624,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,14,1,0,0,2,17,18,12,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,2,17,2,3,13,2,10,0,1,1,1,9,4,0,0,5,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864501268494323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177653679270937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245296763114219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744348265603314,0.0,0.2038983089426395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238055999282665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5998986588173126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125699189127836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,albertaltaccount,2019/04/05,"saved my mum from suicide sorry i had to post at all, i just rlly need a safe space to vent in and i need to get this off my chest. so a couple of days ago, i took the day off from school as i was feeling a bit sick. My mum told me not to come down to the garage as she was going to be sleeping so i just did work in my room. at 10am i get a call from my dad telling me to go check on my mum and he said that she was going to kill herself. i rush down and the garage is locked so i look through the window. my mum is just standing there crying and telling me to go away and after a bit she leaves and goes into this other room. i start panicking and just find a brick lying around and chuck it through the window and got her out of there. i didnt see what she was going to do, but my dad implied that she was going to bash her head in or something but i saw marks on her neck.

i dont feel that good abt saving my mum's life. I know something went down between my dad and her (they started dating again about a month or 2 months ago) and maybe that's why she tried to kill herself. but i cant help but feel like it's also my fault. im trying to be good to her, i sometimes take her out of the house on a walk or just drive around town and i've also moved into her room ",1.1103496503496508,1.9476390559440588,2.682797202797204,98.98265734265736,78.02097902097903,5.339860139860139,18.944055944055947,4.347061598140703,-0.7554909090909092,974,17,253,1,22,320,139,286,0.123,0.847,0.03,-0.9775,0,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,1,16,9,2,0,14,0,15,6,4,0,1,43,41,26,3,2,13,8,3,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,10,19,0,1,5,0,1,13,4,3,0,0,14,7,46,6,47,25,3,51,0,0,3,0,31,25,0,3,12,166,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953717072851161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762541661566854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962031346991472,0.0,0.0,0.10353674243475858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406202162660745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125267546284368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492773923123736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219344570163596,0.12104977662450706,0.1421400617500186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291538473096795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716164033359934,0.0787270654033977,0.0,0.0,0.10072101258769646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515014229965367,0.0,0.3757759772179732,0.1848614468407597,0.08813718987506602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309722741448802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386489037748968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715626815560366,0.0,0.0,0.1190351574518076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438404510719393,0.0,0.060563163709386324,0.0,0.0,0.1166861305379891,0.0,0.0,0.07783768053981306,0.05383826531499173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254043747244532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071094164812452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592154235605612,0.11712540310867735,0.0,0.1634241464802676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554135693923927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482565309357517,0.0,0.0,0.11152851475533936,0.08781531460338737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102798139887362,0.0,0.0,0.16967503990093946,0.10899084399833406,0.12336013380571904,0.1560005781447706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054116397855613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285685739584893,0.0,0.19263971431361449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530104105133377,0.12243650887963195,0.14963744311064667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021567160551368,0.09943856585401102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022707897308058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foxcri,2019/04/05,"my friend is suicidal shes already attempted it once and was going to try again today but I managed to talk her out of it. I dont want her to die, but I dont know how to keep convincing and talking her out of it. ",2.760625000000001,2.5619788125000014,5.154166666666669,86.6075,73.375,8.9,28.5,8.841846274778883,1.905825,165,6,40,3,3,59,33,48,0.181,0.71,0.108,-0.5835,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,9,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,8,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,29,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723032948415327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25609556926133914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783964516098105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064441272623786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023810643308354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932961129089787,0.0,0.0,0.13561159701182127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627889327841492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26991290995358497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966690382018948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338974786515375,0.0,0.0,0.16753230338473316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554410443969604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Momo_le_chat,2019/04/05,"I'm too sad to care for my daughter My daughter had a lack of oxygen at birth and the doctors thought she would die, but she lived. I blame myself everyday for her injury because of some of the decisions I made regarding her birth. That was 4 years ago. Now she has mild cerebral palsy and epilepsy, she is also much smaller and frailer than her peers. I am so angry at myself and the world and can't stop thinking about how she should have been. I hate myself and find comfort in thinking about hurting myself. I wish I could kill the part of me that took decisions back then and be a different person free from the feeling of guilt and responsibility. But it will never happen. It's been 4 years and I feel my bitterness and anger towards myself is only getting worse. It's hard taking care of her because I'm constantly reminded of her differences and of what happened.

I tried therapy but it doesnt work, I repeat my story over and over and it changes nothing. I actually remember more details now due to talking about it in therapy, which makes things worse. My partner says it's not my fault, but I can't find any comfort talking to him because he's as sad as me and losing his shit as well. It only confirms to me how sad our lives are now. I often think about my life before my daughter's birth and it makes me instantly sad that things turned out this way. It was the most important thing I had to do and I fucked up. I can't stand seeing everyone I know having healthy children. How could I have been so dumb to fuck this up while everyone gets to have normal children? I hate myself so much.

I often think about killing myself as a sort of comfort or escape. I don't know what else to do. I feel bad being depressed when I'm wih my daughter. Maybe after the initial shock she would be better off because she would have more positive role models. I know people will say she's better off if I don't kill myself, but how am I supposed to cope hating myself and what happened to her everyday for the rest of my life.",4.4960431400282905,5.507901482673268,5.2252616690240465,83.29891089108911,70.06435643564356,7.751626591230551,29.032531824611034,7.957251820313856,1.8641650636492224,1605,59,312,20,28,520,194,404,0.258,0.633,0.109,-0.998,1,0,0,0,0,3,30.0,1,0,0,4,22,32,12,1,11,0,37,6,1,7,1,65,71,39,4,10,8,4,4,0,1,6,3,2,0,4,22,18,0,1,16,0,1,1,8,23,1,0,10,8,64,10,47,50,9,37,0,7,1,2,31,13,4,7,21,235,86,2,0.0,0.0,0.0831163183969979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755005044938146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811261798795852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792039119553202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549258791242259,0.07111568919267497,0.20768207320426446,0.0,0.07247573760304299,0.0,0.0,0.15065675306378007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736785916741866,0.0,0.09010147677026743,0.0,0.0,0.0920414853667739,0.0,0.13600702177868748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335916540023547,0.0,0.08839586821622103,0.17797479283713724,0.0,0.08717791945221748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115090410755197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277242664409575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919770577407266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569270226832402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748167119180684,0.08899849376318282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259539465537597,0.0,0.07629805502228773,0.25227137393509125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117919124286196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826930878747548,0.0,0.1404261490265996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032006539837345,0.0,0.0,0.15041819866618966,0.0,0.0,0.09528652172272672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059251613315635,0.11370694498112498,0.0,0.0855674761056404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252235437799956,0.0,0.065690476097705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345121182964936,0.08172555144871875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129555429924978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223378901830813,0.0,0.05904806110781005,0.07436956067265027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648412314339026,0.0,0.0,0.13546557993125766,0.0,0.0,0.06787165497983942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742860466062645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712082333948994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403930867051623,0.1369172615031383,0.0,0.0,0.19480492668072974,0.0,0.16975497292638286,0.2183010381753629,0.0,0.06761765019227718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463005997468553,0.05782670686053318,0.09264349482487017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760616506549169,0.0,0.0,0.07658053174382172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794445993786698,0.0,0.0,0.062006776935138536,0.0,0.17359661901424256,0.18151283518228933,0.0,0.0,0.10969691794559684
suicidewatch,HoratiotheSpider,2019/04/05,"7-20-17 I have been struggling with thoughts of suicide since I was 16 and in depth suicidal ideation since I was 19. The date above was the first time I formed a plan and prepared to follow through. The thought of two of my friends wishing I’d said something was the only thing that stopped me. Since then, I have stopped wanting to reach out to them, as I don’t want them to feel guilty if anything were to happen.

Since then I’ve been suffering. In October of last year my mother passed away from the cancer she’d been battling for the last four years. She was the one person in my life I could share everything with. She loved my sisters and I dearly. The only thing she said to me on the evening before she passed away after I briefly tried to sit with her and talk was “Are you done yet?” And so my dad took my place. 

It’s my last semester of college and I’ll have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and still no idea how to help myself. I’m currently in therapy with a kind campus counsellor, but apart from the temporary release from venting, it seems like it doesn’t make a lasting difference. 

Life at home has been awful since my mother passed away. My dad has always been aloof and distant but now is constantly telling my sister and I what to do and how to do it. I don’t have a job as I am taking two classes above the maximum course load, and my bank account is under his name. I can’t bring myself to call the suicide hotline because he checks my phone calls and has access to all the social media accounts he knows about. That being said, I am 21 years old and feel like I’m being treated like a child. And a stupid one at that.

I get a lot of my suicidal thoughts in the house. But I have nowhere else to reliably go. 

Through this time, I have had a partner who I love very much, but who I am terrified will either leave  me or cheat on me. - said - was attracted to someone else early in our relationship and that person still comes up in conversation. I can’t imagine what it’s like for - to deal with me constantly. I’m not very attractive or charismatic. - seems withdrawn often and is not very affectionate. I would do anything for -, but then again I have nothing to loose. 

I’m depressed, lonely, and feel like a burden on those around me if I’m ever honest with them. I want it all to end. It seems like that would be best for everyone. ",3.957615968163165,5.082148813953489,4.5045100111926395,87.5458484641214,71.43128964059197,7.678870787215523,27.865253077975375,8.027739517013583,1.6080872279567218,1851,66,387,25,34,588,230,473,0.138,0.743,0.119,-0.934,2,2,1,0,0,2,47.0,1,1,3,3,13,26,3,1,24,1,48,5,0,3,3,68,82,34,4,9,12,6,3,6,2,3,3,4,1,4,20,26,0,2,12,0,4,8,8,8,0,6,23,7,56,18,62,51,7,61,0,3,0,2,45,23,0,9,35,265,76,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065361414211561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997103624144015,0.06489107882631005,0.0,0.0,0.20545882485686354,0.0,0.0,0.04443548144511995,0.0,0.06202739107508622,0.0,0.0764977138310629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886576640805285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627916920767159,0.0,0.15754494943524402,0.0,0.058199895632867725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515047200777374,0.06278346094447049,0.0,0.0,0.07615867352244142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459582933308623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217871000802284,0.0,0.06456241249569313,0.0,0.0,0.0481457731076196,0.06593676008745859,0.0,0.06965330259205396,0.0655123910277551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057212919921852,0.1041509191927942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200356514702742,0.0,0.0,0.056317692682819866,0.0,0.03808408551823269,0.0,0.041427317315930016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445988810127788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885928485630121,0.0,0.07311858530073567,0.0,0.0,0.0841098429216948,0.0,0.08228840816853769,0.0,0.0,0.07233600758786624,0.0,0.0,0.0759078421261434,0.040060614080021546,0.2376732257431683,0.0,0.07718417859417277,0.0,0.0,0.10297431937183224,0.21367384106990675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061971838088242026,0.13157928975935854,0.0,0.04865728433787906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358544789424708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994372059103983,0.0,0.07648994894710286,0.0,0.0987896676272439,0.11087828263123656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729638846010588,0.07615867352244142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826083324827435,0.0,0.0,0.2773553940754316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907977046363196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014931849303844,0.0,0.0,0.07430621247785353,0.06176281576704841,0.056117331692749066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164264212506907,0.12188522908847198,0.0,0.07620459397850078,0.0,0.3189366443320807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480718616263509,0.058589403882303034,0.06371253398051313,0.0,0.08336059604360475,0.0,0.0968550160451979,0.0,0.0,0.17360898574195366,0.08501010855963177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098787168827982,0.049490213961921305,0.0,0.14241361404719635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043545324516072,0.12898423869470604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838244565854424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035635555231366,0.0,0.0,0.1408239609731994
suicidewatch,VoodooMamaJuju69,2019/04/05,Thanks to the people who responded. Especially the dude from Belgium. ,5.726363636363633,9.288009363636368,5.864090909090908,62.81613636363636,91.72727272727272,9.472727272727274,32.77272727272727,8.841846274778883,5.019145454545456,57,3,7,2,2,18,10,11,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6015398048981929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7988428275468485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sensitive_Fruit,2019/04/05,is it worth it? Life is totally not worth it with the way people treat me.  I just want to find the love of my life that's all.  People seem to think I'm with this guy but I'm not and I keep getting put on blind dates where I have zero interest in anyone there.  I do love this guy but it's going nowhere.,-0.9720588235294088,0.9519444411764724,1.26029411764706,101.16632352941177,89.88235294117645,4.576470588235295,14.382352941176471,5.985473137389443,-1.0070352941176468,234,4,60,2,8,78,46,68,0.048,0.7040000000000001,0.248,0.9144,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,2,15,14,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,7,14,2,7,0,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,1,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940625988243513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214375054361105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265801425459618,0.0,0.13769204799828313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797861942377477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153476265006572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422559278315788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373303186146432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359298197552757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24355609059442185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056059532828268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155241821303722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290171426366366,0.1923088279167236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotUniqThrowAwayUser,2019/04/05,"Everything just feels so mediocre No matter what I do I just don't feel satisfied. It doesn't matter what or how much I sleep, eat, work, play, interact with people. I'm always tired. I'm always hungry. I'm never done something the way I wanted it done. My videogames don't feel fun anymore. Attempted to interact with people just leaves me feeling more lonely and more out of place.

Everything good that happens to me just feels meh. And I don't want to be the person that's ungrateful, it's just that I don't feel.

I can't remember the last time I had a genuine smile on my face. It's all been faked, I've only gotten better at faking it. 

I've had people that have brought me down, but I don't resent them because they weren't wrong. Only the people that have tried to cheer me up were.

I feel more attached imaginary characters and fiction than I do my real life and the people around me. ",2.9749355432780864,4.681878906077351,4.175668508287295,86.61716758747698,74.8563535911602,7.036611418047882,23.668876611418053,7.793537801064563,1.1690660036832408,706,21,141,10,15,231,99,181,0.09,0.789,0.121,0.7398,0,2,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,4,8,10,1,0,6,0,19,5,2,1,2,31,34,8,0,2,7,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,8,1,0,8,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,9,7,21,5,14,24,5,12,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,92,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188469751015204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041856859187098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706817897889682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016480830523058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630632863884945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691524954553313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456342033316285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363781418614094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46545352775295207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030095405068953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629027986109634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719490349462243,0.0,0.13924581618048534,0.0,0.0,0.09288654363967856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667200666426,0.0,0.10142549797588828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000324061600197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558483480514423,0.11482592566771055,0.13739573118494147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968256473873914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897060910367144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160092494535394,0.0,0.0,0.10123970735652564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668217868986481,0.15114674757309315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928390975446439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551312364666305,0.10438330432875574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573789995329277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143781115366465,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,skarlit-Edje,2019/04/05,"you guys care So many of these posts here, you are concerned about those you would leave behind. Whether it's fear of causing emotional pain, feeling like a burden, or fear of causing an inconvenience to others. FWIW, these are selfless thoughts.

This might be encouraging or frustrating depending on where you are, but the world needs people who are capable of thinking selfless thoughts. Obviously these particular thoughts aren't healthy, but they indicate a person with a lot of potential to do good, and probably does without knowing it.

Idk if this helps anyone. I guess I'd like to think I'm trying to be a net positive",7.8491071428571395,8.914317839285715,7.085714285714285,72.75928571428572,62.57142857142857,10.685714285714287,39.214285714285715,10.608840637214634,4.431807142857141,506,26,84,12,7,156,80,112,0.124,0.652,0.224,0.9307,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,1,0,4,10,1,2,6,0,10,1,0,3,1,25,21,8,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,1,6,5,14,14,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,7,2,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158526653135514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892961334869586,0.3404137381452858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499438908146006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863763181779983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37288936607877016,0.08377665998465332,0.11836729844348733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389709494236445,0.0,0.0,0.18252363887566825,0.16405683420926412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105694692171847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910576056244226,0.0,0.0,0.17543931006235353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618932443516241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086172471514646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679812830001801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576842539093196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285530154199785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630335362801314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486696242499612,0.14467207510423902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868297936605674,0.0,0.1786393225188366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21233192656100952,0.0,0.3946124870919183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249104609857494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971699305663828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769976088049637,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alec_Delarge_is_Back,2019/04/05,"A Note to my Parents, If They Ever See This To my parents,

If I die tonight, and I’m afraid I will, then don’t cremate me. I would prefer to be buried and if you can put a little bit of H's ashes in there with me I would like that.

I’m losing my mind and the body is following. 

Hug T and H for me. 

I don’t have any control of this anymore. I don’t know what’s happening. 

Don’t let people glorify themselves and gush over how “blah blah blah special I was to them” and all that shit. There are people who are responsible for so much pain, don’t let them forget it, you know who they are. 

I’m sorry for all my secrets, they are very ugly. 

Above all else, don’t hide any of the ugly truths about my life. I don’t want my suffering sugarcoated and hidden away from sight. People should be confronted, it should make them uncomfortable. 

I’m sure I forgot some things, but I need to get this done. 

Big Hugs,
Your Daughter

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suicidewatch,idontseethecat,2019/04/05,"Using A Throwaway My depression and suicidal thoughts have been really getting to me lately. I try so much to ignore the thoughts but god shooting my self seems like the only option. I know this is kind of off topic but I’ve always been a trump supporter (please don’t get mad at me) and I haven’t done anything wrong. Getting told to kill myself because I am and being insulted constantly when I haven’t done anything has really taken a toll on me. Perhaps the actions of other supporters is why I don’t know. Maybe they’re right, I don’t matter, the world WOULD be better without me. God I’m sorry for this post I’ll see you guys.",1.797367829021372,4.271817921259846,3.4643925759280094,86.38183070866144,82.38582677165354,6.148256467941509,23.244656917885266,7.447530270364453,1.2528452193475808,504,18,95,8,14,167,85,127,0.214,0.662,0.124,-0.9287,0,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,1,2,11,3,0,7,0,17,0,0,1,0,16,32,7,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,8,1,15,5,10,21,1,10,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,2,4,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254742034230058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24818422478430405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192373310154914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336664975373086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295671175824405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298802200259464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086329610076229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363537784721628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931157129128014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668332341417718,0.15703064292295296,0.16574687960224574,0.0,0.17010425476565608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367122135476134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149467095259256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085227953344703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468701731002935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552852878410068,0.0,0.0,0.14442071310546958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932073290989516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877880755849047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201647460710938,0.1372788523259892,0.15731292908791755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880357624418946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494615348150835,0.3422426222726482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394300763018835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409186957997014,0.0,0.1023804642466372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023917324333253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606977404212425,0.0,0.0,0.14536179068764754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071210249934378,0.16487155839837025,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,actuallyamore,2019/04/05,I'm not strong enough for this anymore What's the less painful way to go between benzos with alcohol or drowning?,3.9804545454545455,6.365177045454548,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,74.0,6.218181818181819,33.72727272727273,7.1686216300943375,2.2646545454545466,93,5,17,1,2,28,22,22,0.228,0.772,0.0,-0.6496,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651534048778696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316543139849121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497330057272388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473644787635605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631401950148846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34548380731358386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TM888,2019/04/05,"Sick of shit life I have to live worse than a cockroach because I'm poverty stricken worse than Africa. Powers getting cut off Monday despite paying the bill because the bastards lied and said they'd main the poles and then changed their minds and its now up to us customers and I can't afford it so my food is going to be ruint, my communication with the outside world cut off, and my disabled mother and I will suffer greatly and probably die anyway because I'm poor as a caretaker for my mother I GET no pay no NOTHING and can't afford to keep up a utility that throws big parties to get drunk even the state said was shameful. They came out late this afternoon and gave me until Monday to fix it, yeah right. Things have been going shity since my birthday back late March. Even the woman I loved confirmed the awful signs I thought I noticed and told me while it was real for a short time its been fake recently. Recently, its all gotten too much since my birthday. I wish the hell I'd died the day before it while i was still... better off than this shit.",5.628748619801249,6.103308937799042,5.698181818181819,82.84419580419582,67.2775119617225,7.770482149429518,29.952521163047482,7.321109707123232,1.7418175193227825,844,29,161,7,13,266,128,209,0.297,0.654,0.049,-0.9956,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,3,2,8,12,6,1,13,2,13,7,2,0,1,20,30,16,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,11,13,2,1,1,1,4,4,4,9,0,0,12,2,21,3,21,15,3,32,1,1,0,1,12,10,4,0,17,104,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992208507174785,0.0,0.23597775686065264,0.0,0.10980027771946796,0.0,0.0,0.11412200740418416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475830042129375,0.0,0.0,0.13650315953313155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832176555213441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678383470218604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704543482035457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560310503974925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022482210253805,0.0,0.1466684594538323,0.0,0.0,0.14226283427449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469327780746096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29111684304428403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114206376432424,0.0,0.0,0.11394130321287195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646018240730785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302897488241987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485643291667707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381368638143013,0.14690853614561314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912281699498408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687141242704302,0.0,0.0,0.2548153040205612,0.0,0.0,0.11019618515445936,0.2454858955748248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26490755085352324,0.2134801084624668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304845299502097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572589847775952,0.0,0.0,0.10244030644454104,0.07524202910219464,0.0,0.0,0.12329959129552237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521462613666456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483852287390804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629977646219113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrShortsleeves,2019/04/05,"Drowning in poor choices.... [TL;DR]I'll never be free of her, even if I leave, even if I do everything to move on. We have a child together, and she doesnt want to be a team. I dont even really know what happened to make her stop loving me, I cooked and cleaned and took care of her and the baby while working 50 hours a week. I was shown no affection unless I asked for it and even then 90% of the time I'd hear how she didnt feel like it. Almost everything I do or say is met with criticism and venom, I constantly have to get up and get her things or do things around the house while she just sits on her phone ignoring me otherwise. Shes always telling me how annoying I am and that she doesnt want to put in the effort to help the relationship and doesnt want to be around me. I'm almost completely positive that shes not cheating on me, I've done my investigating a couple of times and I just dont think that shes that cunning. Shes a master manipulator but she rarely outsmarts me.
I just want it to end. I just want to finally find some peace, I'm tired of all the wolves in sheeps clothing. The only thing I ever really wanted to be happy was to be loved as hard as I love. Not money or power or fame, I just wanted to be loved to be happy. But it's not the case, not with her or the ones before her. Funny thing is, they all treated me like this, so maybe it's me. 
Doesnt matter, I'm 30 and a worthless piece of shit and I'll go out that way. Wont make anyone happy but I guess ive never really been much good at that to begin with. I'm sorry that I couldn't find another way.",2.999344012204425,3.425010894736843,4.803867276887876,87.1055491990847,73.09356725146198,8.170048309178744,23.349097381133994,8.321376580360154,1.0609866259852536,1234,29,285,19,23,423,167,342,0.113,0.7170000000000001,0.17,0.9886,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,1,0,1,5,15,18,3,0,15,0,33,7,1,6,5,70,64,31,1,10,20,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,1,1,18,19,1,2,5,2,3,4,16,5,0,1,7,4,45,14,38,48,5,33,0,1,0,4,32,11,1,11,17,195,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980084028218335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470308753722307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941408164680287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277536888146007,0.0,0.0,0.15984419100199054,0.08393098449610963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639507868947103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915353890587304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413128040553956,0.09701890246088728,0.0,0.0,0.0993384466916558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187480164866102,0.21043998374099449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951729868857309,0.0,0.0,0.2371919928516455,0.08120999268391638,0.0,0.0,0.16137465016519045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539481866869149,0.0641379359135265,0.0,0.09834820003475486,0.16411224824382614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381135203510203,0.0,0.051023315851105394,0.07530213129119584,0.0,0.0,0.09890138244981947,0.0,0.07939102610087936,0.2867133524244496,0.08042409929245799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118714300055197,0.0,0.060176783943563975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841395521492902,0.10359258961550626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934003690864605,0.0,0.0,0.09506270205925822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772269594388687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241152020371972,0.0,0.1198559862467364,0.0,0.0901947918923335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542057181907984,0.06599768969060843,0.0,0.13848576797160556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060836384549481023,0.06828076257723655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025241122141328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725436419371487,0.0,0.0,0.096388747143468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139564205089749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215656650976643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004999273855036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505903042114269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847055893508142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23857997068700956,0.05752657903511925,0.0,0.0,0.10470138789090634,0.10318743231138124,0.0,0.0,0.09974746194031056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37067670834855815,0.1425243390652917,0.07201507427195314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653599778340372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnimatedAaron,2019/04/05,"I uh...don’t see the point in living. I’m always tired or angry. I don’t get any joy from anything. I don’t want to start cutting cause I know it’ll just lead to more issues. Plus, if I die, I won’t be a burden on others and I’ll have no more bills. 
I dunno. I just want to die. ",-3.3309930069930083,-1.9018997076923032,0.14839160839160925,104.52342657342659,107.6153846153846,2.363636363636364,8.986013986013988,3.1291,-2.3051538461538463,209,2,56,0,11,74,46,65,0.312,0.591,0.097,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,2,0,12,13,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,8,1,7,10,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940892980019425,0.0,0.0,0.17931638387129134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699215323821228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27087945934500657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5473315048645148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377657137857581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752209987828189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491562599783991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284068785204684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492696986964468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210124612198468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866392048667915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030697236039803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110591641116797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Whatshername_tj,2019/04/05,"I feel completely lost I have had the worst four months of my life. I lost everyone I've grown close to and considered family the past 4 years, I was forced to move back to my home state with my mother. My mother cut off 90% of my biological family. I dropped out, repapsed, was told I was no longer welcome to any information or anything about my son. I dont know what to do the only thing that has kept me going was a strong support group and weekly updates about my baby boy. I am in a relationship I don't really want to be in. I'm considering suicide at this point but dont because i dont have the energy. I feel lost and alone and nobody gives a fuck about anybody but themselves. I just want to go home and enjoy life again. I was finally doing good, passing in school. getting updates about my son, and having a good amount of people who cared for me. Now i have nothing going for me. And all I get is ridicule I truly am just to the point of just saying fuck it and giving up. I get upset so easily I don't have any patience left. Everyone I loved has completely cut me off without second thought and it is all too much for me... I'm only seventeen and done...",2.783789473684209,4.200303466666671,4.528815789473687,85.0914473684211,74.75,7.719298245614036,24.714912280701753,8.371475516178862,1.4782083333333331,912,29,192,16,19,309,130,240,0.166,0.688,0.146,0.1514,0,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,4,12,18,5,1,9,0,26,5,0,0,2,30,52,14,1,2,7,4,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,7,13,0,1,5,0,0,6,7,10,0,2,13,3,32,8,29,38,5,30,0,3,0,3,15,12,2,1,10,131,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099487157322053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438353068975615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735981771468697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162972384701589,0.0,0.06471354554774056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823618311938273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261139889183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863752213825316,0.37325269794640864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028789617327965,0.0,0.0,0.20015452843808906,0.0,0.10735436767397542,0.0,0.0,0.11629200353967505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628458334161186,0.1663910993654056,0.20367478632567584,0.18099783093536606,0.17808227736890375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297228009510716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058342214141187024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534207210188105,0.0,0.14996649277102614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476552907771498,0.0,0.09581264885695012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473510685005896,0.11283022436425733,0.07803908521354101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186243067574073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147741759417336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013407846567969,0.07359728903029017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070915113700769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800817846458629,0.0,0.0,0.11397504499352135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442190355457722,0.0,0.1074385829962197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612072373581953,0.12046798349862675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052732735785862,0.0,0.0,0.08427839375900964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143948086639824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523066603909755,0.0,0.08515435228285223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023334947915391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683629201730578
suicidewatch,Your_Uncle_Gubsy,2019/04/05,"I’m going to kill myself, what can I say to my family to lessen the blow for them? I’m going to kill myself, what can I say to my family to lessen the blow for them? I don’t want to hurt anyone.",1.5606666666666698,1.5648872888888905,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,76.1111111111111,7.777777777777778,15.0,7.793537801064563,-0.2683333333333331,148,0,38,2,3,54,21,45,0.266,0.708,0.026,-0.9308,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,2,9,0,9,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519440689084127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993678475290675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010490542713556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28353525505638866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.586050798657576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212503668174139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562197184160114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ps18013,2019/04/05,"I’ve really really fucked up this week I have a lot to live for and I know I do and I don’t know if it’s changing my meds but I really really just wanna end it tonight. This week a person who I was good friends with for 2 years ended our friendship after she acted like I didn’t exist for a month. She didn’t give me a chance to explain myself after a conversation I had with another person that made her think I was just a shitty person, but I was just trying my best to make the world a better place. Then, a friend I recently got close with told me in a really hurtful way (I’m really not trying to play the victim but he was very insensitive about it) that because of a joking text I sent him about his dad that he and his dad think I’m creepy and his brother that I had a huge crush on but doesn’t like me back also thinks I’m gross and I just don’t think that this is the right lifetime for me. I believe in reincarnation and I do a lot of good work, or so I think, as an educator, but apart from that my family thinks I’m a failure and I can’t maintain friendships or meaningful relationships. I know I’m young (22) and that “it gets better” but this really really hurts right now. And I don’t really see how i can be strong enough to make it through. ",1.9477999324095985,3.3315860594795548,4.049268333896588,87.80944829334238,76.88104089219331,7.567489016559647,20.405711388982766,8.296473431620573,0.8262773234200744,986,22,222,18,22,339,133,269,0.126,0.6709999999999999,0.203,0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,5,11,17,2,0,17,0,19,1,0,4,0,45,44,23,0,2,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,17,13,0,0,11,2,0,2,8,5,0,0,12,1,37,12,26,31,4,28,0,2,1,1,25,11,1,5,16,149,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694306307639356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088976725687693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398335978911648,0.0,0.05865174225580684,0.0,0.0,0.10840130397651067,0.1009716570826244,0.1701886140380098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178266252570868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043578032510967,0.09941576622868234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070289468704004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867086788534165,0.08894917357331078,0.050268341766977774,0.09229815002770432,0.0,0.1614010752179027,0.07695188724111819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20600019409896567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586316656340952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401153196849743,0.0,0.08495956615451344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635970245606215,0.0,0.09104091481867546,0.12844845637049834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687312256864533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679785746434707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203355707797165,0.10052414747658683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547398629988968,0.0,0.09500065853499748,0.10329885197871684,0.0,0.16433408814210668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667086047310992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699039409909028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193751070167668,0.0,0.13064727461383785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938741259140858,0.0,0.0763709511783385,0.15435566324733402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004563162918921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061959275139491676
suicidewatch,peach-deluxe,2019/04/05,"paranoia is killing me I seriously can’t take it anymore. I can’t go to school without hallucinating, I haven’t been able to sleep in 6 days, I’m so fucking terrified because I’ve started to lose memories and I’m convinced my brain is replacing them with false ones, I regularly just black out for days on end and find out that my body has been going about daily without me being conscious.
But I can’t kill myself. I’m about to sound like an absolute spoiled brat but I really do have everything. My parents sent me out to university in New York from a foreign country, I’ve racked up some great connections and acquaintances, job experience, good grades and comfortable living. I just can’t stop my mind from the paranoia. I see things and I hear things. My mind is conjuring up false memories of horrific abuse from people in my life. I fantasize about hurting them for revenge. I’m not even in control of my body and i can’t trust anyone including of myself and I’m sick of it.
But I can’t because I have everything and I’m scared if I succeed, I’ll be wasting everything my parents did for me. If I don’t, they’ll take me out of school and the one thing I know for certain is that they’ll lock me up again. There are cameras in my room at home. Being out of country this is my best opportunity to do it but I’m so so scared. I can’t risk low success methods in case my parents find out but I can’t even buy a weapon bc I’m in nyc on a visa. ",1.793299504094108,3.88534308026756,3.664479298812136,87.15394648829431,79.73578595317726,7.0672817437435125,26.698304693806943,8.104835398774808,1.7515317956406409,1147,49,242,22,29,386,145,299,0.185,0.682,0.132,-0.9243,4,0,1,0,1,2,23.0,0,0,4,6,12,22,4,3,6,0,29,7,4,1,1,38,47,19,2,2,12,3,0,1,0,2,2,2,2,0,9,16,0,2,4,0,2,3,13,11,0,2,4,4,41,11,44,38,2,31,0,3,2,1,9,21,1,3,8,157,50,6,0.10793779749047533,0.1278886399069519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704529135916277,0.07547261768413648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159575901555648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327405923334627,0.0,0.0,0.2397891203545801,0.0,0.1204942791722368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106141802278042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392218998203266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560085094092366,0.0,0.0,0.14258379451369227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29102259754523824,0.10558387758517078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973063828964362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978675449344744,0.0,0.0,0.12268707548271282,0.09053310346089498,0.0,0.11900180278714832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165374245194052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827041159301708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155496446361806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711160893392016,0.0,0.2388343612160865,0.0,0.05931979068349545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623965846742725,0.05273295570510023,0.0,0.09531105269621096,0.0,0.0,0.1207547859725146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797281171620694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424699741928972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628289006340273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595564516081283,0.0,0.0,0.07483047814374061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914771697766392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612913037796447,0.2184776271686914,0.08601244984615787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10801574887694933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639892861655323,0.0,0.0,0.09024083183667167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623115813763948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512722946425106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809637002306489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unrestricted_domain,2019/04/05,"Just want to be useful. Ending it maybe best for everyone I'm 19, and haven't contributed much to society apart from bagging groceries and checking people out of a closing sears. Not to say I'm not trying, but I'm failing to do anything significant.  
Socially, I'm awkward, and occasionally make people uncomfortable.  
Physically, I'm an eye-sore in appearance  
Mentally, I'm failing university  
Emotionally, I'm a mess, kinda lazy, and lack self-discipline  


Faced between eliminating the above issues from society, and letting others be pained with my existence, the idea to eliminate these issues seem objectively better.",7.634150943396229,9.978691424528304,8.613349056603777,56.90889150943401,64.0,12.09245283018868,39.66509433962264,11.698219412168324,5.954550943396227,505,28,68,18,8,171,77,106,0.22,0.6809999999999999,0.099,-0.9466,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,1,7,0,1,5,0,5,2,1,2,0,20,17,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,13,14,3,6,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,3,1,39,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007988466386864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689772386816594,0.18279150842753847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324869833475101,0.1830569779990888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749142863904084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333163638315546,0.0,0.4314400777310082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113441227458668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796038723194728,0.0,0.2076376625887562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828465070203356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193345132359895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992190445505175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28657153270915586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436009134726914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815354916844115,0.21561213134043225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068405248427546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403220334897178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850500839201208,0.0,0.0,0.1219051149229237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pansexualpubgpan,2019/04/05,Feeling really shitty and the river looks so tempting goodbye reddit you delayed it for a while My parents told me I was a broken condom and I’m a burden help,2.7433333333333323,4.944792500000002,5.16375,77.03958333333338,77.125,5.516666666666668,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.4959666666666669,128,5,20,1,3,45,28,32,0.319,0.568,0.114,-0.8221,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538796383046729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365507471994236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216421796383565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575287615562786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216616542846885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797833431497738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fuckfuckvfwdafsdf,2019/04/05,"Having a panic attack, seriously, what do I do? I tried google and got the usual **stupid fucking useless advice** like ""breathe deeply, think happy thoughts, it's all gonna be okay :D"" **FUCK THAT SHIT**. My life is in shambles and has been for 24 wonderful years. I'm freaking out, can barely type coherent sentences, have already broken several objects in my apartment. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO TO STOP THIS PANIC ATTACK?",1.3222077922077948,3.78996687012987,2.4926623376623382,86.98756493506494,101.07792207792208,4.277922077922079,23.681818181818183,6.18269132825596,1.072262337662338,327,14,55,4,14,104,63,77,0.333,0.545,0.122,-0.9648,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,0,15,7,2,3,1,11,6,2,0,1,8,20,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,3,0,5,3,5,15,1,7,0,1,0,3,0,4,4,1,4,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772524835145746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016868592495468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127152625678597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030771764211094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450743782407781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930933273393283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281213200015158,0.08861812904638654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256448246772827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491938713241206,0.18619451706450893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516503972520923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116227568012554,0.0,0.14400362182902227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315209420443644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977576818144574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967100224345872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680939401714975
suicidewatch,MrParkAvenueManicure,2019/04/05,"yep, i'm thinking it's over. \>17

\>haven't studied or done anything since elementary school (did bare minimum there too)

\>no aspirations or anything 

\>anhedonia setting in

\>feel braindead and don't have motivation to even move to do anything or even launch a game 

give me ONE (1) reason i shouldn't kill myself in this situation.

""dude just study and do this and that lmao""

yeah sure but i don't want to, it's all so tiresome. i mean what do you even do when you have done absolutely nothing for years? worthless, complete failure of a life. soon i'll be 18 and i wouldn't be able to live in this passive state anymore. it's over. i have the knowledge and what i need to end it i think. i was thinking of killing myself for about 3 years now so i'm not being impulsive here. i'm feeling pretty sure about this. not sure why i'm posting this anyway.",1.3210108481262317,4.003944343195268,2.168084319526628,92.06048939842206,90.77514792899409,4.710157790927021,25.384861932938858,6.42735559955562,0.9466270216962522,690,31,137,8,24,215,103,169,0.078,0.763,0.159,0.8698,0,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,2,0,1,15,6,2,0,3,2,18,1,0,3,4,29,30,12,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,8,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,4,1,13,3,16,21,1,15,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,6,88,25,2,0.14012060274280647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896198639173446,0.0,0.0,0.3459219510246834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469137860698046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28678405088013204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410526403180945,0.0,0.0,0.27764500980823714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169837379960334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344164500785664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31004537268091176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897132557577233,0.0,0.0,0.12372905935034435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263241414919376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148926025594163,0.0,0.10389765147208044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444949740527684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494934676822736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419680451551308,0.142553027255427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406731667303707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418095306576761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590921055520514,0.1575014283060296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39618602947762893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26935087324688683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264676189734121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643704960981406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046614826389906
suicidewatch,anon_burneracct,2019/04/05,"If you can give me even ONE legitimate reason to live, I will sit here and praise you as the wisest person that ever lived. Seriously, I’m just fucking done with all of it. I can’t take the pain anymore.",3.4007142857142867,4.345254785714288,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,72.57142857142857,7.504761904761906,23.523809523809533,7.793537801064563,0.9753238095238096,159,4,34,2,3,54,38,42,0.109,0.7440000000000001,0.147,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,2,7,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,4,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844532617490133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935214903321962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944516338363512,0.2594495732747771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265165029069534,0.0,0.2751486118641571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5065433420925268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435999794233585,0.0,0.30520195177213705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504444684693916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949038021344155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156566540944067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sarox366,2019/04/05,I tried to kill myself. It didnt work. Thought it was a sign. Now ive been laid off. Wednesday night I had a failed suicide attempt. It was my third of my life but was the first time I'd tried in years. I genuinely took it as a sign to get my shit together. Today I found out I'm being laid off from my job. I really don't think I have the emotional capacity to find a new one. I'll have to move back in with my emotionally abusive mother and since I'll lose my health insurance I won't be able to go to therapy anymore. Just wanted to rant a bit. Not sure if I'll try again to kill myself or if I'll just keep trudging unhappily through life. Had to get my thoughts out. ,1.05750790305585,2.6274660890411003,3.2571232876712384,91.71385142255006,79.89041095890411,6.958061116965228,22.874604847207586,7.882392219407189,0.9061407797681772,523,17,125,9,13,179,91,146,0.248,0.7390000000000001,0.012,-0.9899,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,5,5,6,3,0,7,0,14,4,1,0,1,21,25,6,3,3,7,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,3,11,0,17,1,20,11,1,19,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,3,10,75,21,3,0.14866789291270602,0.1761471427478043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474386015148932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143164329285022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230683441399404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33446273875092875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587976077624322,0.12645683376451944,0.0,0.16300667104189367,0.0,0.0,0.15534567601178598,0.0,0.08449138959522746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802701814211706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475299438836601,0.13214285409787374,0.32895799305410983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001705879234614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632134439506874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580104423728979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358437738336932,0.0,0.1395147464593133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074121179295954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524045905884433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260545565986533,0.12297961730900557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626185450710699,0.0,0.14011772965798247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001469208102085,0.0,0.0,0.09526038283205003,0.0,0.23605140121580664,0.08668944391292385,0.0,0.1409197792008002,0.0,0.16517549922720906,0.3028072214128104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768817509220016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823199666650887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573724876744884
suicidewatch,Uneeda_Biscuit,2019/04/05,"What should I do to get my affairs in order before ending it? So I’m pretty manic right now, really want to stop living...pretty normal for me. However I want my exit from this life to be as little hassle as possible.

I don’t have much family so that’s a plus. I am a veteran of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan so there are some benefits for me there, probably need to research it. I don’t want anyone coming out of pocket, I don’t want anyone near me to have any validation at all. I want to handle it all myself.

I’m thinking I’ll pack up all my own shit, and clean my apartment and car so it’s done. I need to get a will or something in order, I do have some savings from my military time, and some VA stuff to sort through. I definitely don’t want any military representation. Just a box and cremation, no buggle/flag or that shit...

Anyone have any input on prepping for the inevitable? I just don’t want there to be chaos when I’m gone. I want it all to be smooth sailing...one last “I never needed anyone for anything” to the world.",1.645837209302325,3.5441913860465135,3.9150581395348847,86.14049418604654,79.32558139534882,6.718604651162791,21.44767441860465,7.7348632917899725,0.9247255813953495,808,23,168,13,20,279,113,215,0.075,0.8059999999999999,0.119,0.4622,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,3,0,7,0,19,3,2,0,5,37,38,15,2,13,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,10,8,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,2,1,22,2,31,31,9,25,0,0,0,0,1,13,2,6,7,118,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536348418477289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477224231201345,0.0,0.10230849942538082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579102261636268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709457872516684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722716418154434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011463680990087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720210729247502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299088767897931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013410896544968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781409600464092,0.0,0.1246058456106096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139283841917313,0.2765552028715909,0.09588674599760344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181164800815544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015723346032466,0.0,0.2529654957804191,0.134042876619782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964548083295246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617247385928363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25523469781371433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571110123092162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039408784055582,0.0,0.0,0.14232184854851385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966214222363299,0.0,0.0,0.0724946363322355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.586638656520323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShmiddyMctitties,2019/04/05,"I don't know if I can do this anymore. Long story sorry moved out at 17 straight out of high school I had a girlfriend I lived with for 3 years, trusted her with everything like an idiot. Kept our money in her account for simplicity, even let her do my taxes once. Well when she cheated on me and ended it she took nearly everything my pets my possessions and my money ($1000) and just left and blocked me. When I tried to do something I had no proof. All purchases were made with her account. I was absolutely destroyed and fell into a deep depression but I fought my way out of it for the past 2 years and now recently I felt finally completely over her had an excellent job lined up and had money saved up for a big move there, until April 1st (yes I know ironic) I get a letter in the mail from the IRS. Turns out she committed some form of fraud with my account, and now I owe the IRS almost $1000 which is almost everything I've been saving the past 2 years. I thought her hold on my life was over but this crushed me once again. With nobody else left to turn to I got ahold of a friend of hers so I could talk to her. I asked my ex if she could help me pay off the debt she caused me, I didn't even try to make her pay the whole thing just any bit helped. All she had to say was not my problem. I've just felt empty inside since she said that. I don't think I can keep going. All this hard work for nothing, my life being destroyed once again by the same person and no way for me to stop it. I feel like I just want to end it all and not deal with her toying with my life anymore.",2.8988383084577123,3.7384241014925372,3.9080783582089573,91.90490360696519,73.65671641791045,7.135572139303482,22.913557213930346,7.333567415737692,0.5795199004975129,1234,30,286,13,24,399,174,335,0.133,0.7709999999999999,0.096,-0.8697,3,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,1,0,0,2,15,15,5,0,15,1,23,3,0,3,6,63,45,18,0,6,10,1,4,2,2,0,3,2,1,1,10,22,0,5,7,1,12,5,7,7,1,0,20,6,56,8,45,21,9,48,0,1,0,0,32,22,0,5,21,190,66,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954508440752267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636667476724828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357232109634132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123640211071317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065464211695698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025502740665232,0.0,0.0,0.10232453964214112,0.0,0.0,0.15584034558703902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006142313604652,0.08405681955562765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152653693861495,0.0,0.17287709137367774,0.0,0.0,0.12891868341099474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631312362414162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049346018692198464,0.0697205513159314,0.1874094182046307,0.10690850320779524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540020987081324,0.0,0.05098838222981268,0.0,0.0554644246098311,0.0,0.0780541410763842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874242749145726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082923524765747,0.1031124997008967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684612230226687,0.08674525775882641,0.0,0.0,0.10726926354029168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207044181831036,0.0997955871952853,0.20679874091260989,0.09535814704691407,0.0,0.08617652146248292,0.08636684865605491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234497896996233,0.06514417185878606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745210394912697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364323999230048,0.0,0.0,0.31180049391908915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632737027125654,0.0,0.08521455646048286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338344482688184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963614417981147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283341489089987,0.07760997379233835,0.0,0.0987694574457447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073004533904017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513195916696523,0.0,0.1092475185664752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159222631138148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844166084380669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648365388296235,0.0625337368364259,0.0,0.0774780436770011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842955794866267,0.1325186576906288,0.21230660095464604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756295641336839,0.15492976744633932,0.0,0.0,0.08774794401142105,0.0,0.0,0.10895924399317172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104896070759092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885403273180898
suicidewatch,WhyIHide,2019/04/05,"I never knew it was possible to hate yourself to this degree. Guess you hit a new low, I'm such pathetic subhuman.

No surprise people dislike me. I wouldn't want to be around/associate with a such  worthless ' ting '  either.

Can't wait to drown myself when the ice melt away.",2.9766037735849054,5.260168924528305,4.12890566037736,84.34015094339625,76.73584905660377,7.258867924528303,25.69433962264151,8.238735603445708,1.8475086792452835,215,8,40,4,5,70,45,53,0.31,0.605,0.086,-0.9067,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,11,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,6,6,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32526412675344696,0.0,0.0,0.3432849140415358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025053596955376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360735399082016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28180224820621597,0.3528846118934867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533072883754033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119091025622053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550957143784105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,orodesma,2019/04/05,"amazing times i fucking hate this
i cant even start this rant im so mad at myself
okay so its been 3 hours since i confessed my love to this guy and he just goes ‘oh im sorry im not into that because i am a very busy guy’ yeah hes a musician and im seeing him perform in a week (now im considering faking an illness and not going because i know seeing his face will hurt me even more) and fuck i am so heartbroken and i just dont understand - i am that fucking unlovable?? am i cursed?? is it the fucking karma biting me in the ass?? because that shit started when i broke up with my ex bf (i still love him fuck my life). i got so depressed and i was afraid that i was gonna hurt him with my behaviour so i left him 3 years ago. i wish i never dumped him because i am pretty sure i would be much happier with him knowing that he loves me
now im alone and i got no friends and no boyfriend because im a pathetic bitch 
and the thing is theres been like 10 or 15 guys that i liked and you know what - they all fucking rejected me
i just wanna feel loved again why am i so sensitive 
i cant breathe i feel like going to my bathroom and cutting myself again 
why why why why
i dont believe in this karma shit but it feels like its being real
what the hell is wrong with me. what did i even do to deserve this shit
please end me",-0.9946608790016284,1.0665859862542997,1.5079191535539884,97.89110282148673,92.91752577319588,4.300271296798698,18.99810092240911,5.9092894577622985,-0.26717731958762897,1026,33,244,9,38,348,144,291,0.218,0.655,0.127,-0.9795,0,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,1,1,19,36,15,1,9,2,24,18,6,0,3,38,52,20,0,3,7,1,3,4,2,3,2,0,0,3,19,16,0,0,8,0,0,2,9,24,0,0,7,5,50,12,14,40,3,24,4,5,2,11,23,7,12,1,19,155,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617851905028274,0.0,0.0,0.07218858379280169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21244355489702169,0.0,0.0,0.07852847157311024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060032844015675435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337667661482425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173385761670085,0.0,0.0,0.1381093512608461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572783476477683,0.09958794548647616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385034863147724,0.3866213260635848,0.0,0.0,0.07922467608514831,0.0,0.11149153871840443,0.0,0.0,0.20704303397255144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881470528569587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864084435192397,0.0,0.14923141874622806,0.0,0.5270186750502943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491653502656653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572967798043245,0.0,0.04923144694059752,0.13620835995353736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516292940525645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123780668591445,0.0,0.05375723787714085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651009789369771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709103546579667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933430349667914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108437382733262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463934700445875,0.05765688310404949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802388046410115,0.09866858997305954,0.0,0.055662821713730416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569179296920377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630584219879014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04064285808829308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256056439836346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057510121596858976,0.0,0.0,0.05590944882034536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144688051301106,0.0,0.08015200900350848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951315745342619,0.07620643502123264,0.0,0.044884766123628926
suicidewatch,defaeco_immunda,2019/04/05,"My benefits ran out I don't know what to do anymore. My sickness benefits only lasted 3 months and I'm worse than I was when I got on them. I don't care about my own wellbeing, but my wife doesn't deserve the hardship I put on us. It's hard to get long term disability for depression/anxiety and the thought of even trying feels like too much. I tried getting a job a few months ago, but I had a panic attack, got extremely dizzy and threw up on my first day. I don't know what my options are at this point. I don't want to kill myself, but the thought of living like this forever is unbearable. I don't know what to do",3.2090151515151497,3.785879446969698,4.790606060606064,86.83924242424244,72.71212121212122,8.593939393939394,27.54545454545455,8.841846274778883,1.8419636363636367,485,17,110,9,9,164,82,132,0.138,0.728,0.134,0.1188,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,1,1,4,8,2,1,6,0,12,1,0,0,0,15,27,7,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,8,2,19,5,15,19,4,19,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,11,71,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261154675204094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317037361509935,0.0,0.17073880228082292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585954160990776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553100267883126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103048123259923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371161678770544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870504634248797,0.12299282623279732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644121766848284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798954574259027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27538793738609785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422366074491053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084457978061274,0.0,0.19047214622789446,0.0,0.2838477961314509,0.14033530371396072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821966820768192,0.0,0.1520225203262293,0.15235827325710186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748367105865766,0.0,0.1265591457577789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309372346816328,0.0,0.20199543804420075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274908043938124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307072596493098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733553703453005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337738863264369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070901244012058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154582202762556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544815571966646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaythatstayed,2019/04/05,"I am watching my best friend die. There is nothing I can do. This isn’t it. This isn’t the world the way it’s supposed to be. This is some other shitty parallel universe. 

My best friend just sent me a short video by text “I just want you to know, M. If anything happens to me, I love you.”

She wants to live and she’s dying. How fucking devastating. What a shitty paradox, while I’m over here alive and healthy. ",-0.2673921568627442,2.0197284470588244,1.3325000000000031,98.1254166666667,93.94117647058823,3.774509803921569,20.024509803921568,5.46131890053228,-0.2883137254901955,318,11,71,2,12,102,59,85,0.165,0.588,0.247,0.818,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,5,6,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,0,10,16,5,2,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,12,5,6,14,3,6,0,0,1,2,8,3,1,2,1,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260941452536373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912579014113873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858295524977344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616645535419801,0.21638242653651285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697631189200366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863190425314056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667709820655447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112460703699346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458452464566445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27610640563821554,0.18578398279609054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsoktobegayonthedl,2019/04/05,No purpose anymore I don't have anything to live for I have nobody no family no friends I cant get the courage to kill myself but I'm running out of options I cant stay here and suffer anymore ,0.1521428571428558,2.3763508809523834,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,87.80952380952381,4.312380952380953,27.447619047619053,5.6839178017228535,0.9692419047619044,155,8,32,1,5,53,31,42,0.329,0.624,0.047,-0.8797,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,5,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6431921330801549,0.0,0.0,0.2668526879617311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056998933757917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505359317221947,0.0,0.16942156886354212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587649215881689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863429045379659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456365852162255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Themedicisaspy,2019/04/05,"Why shoudn't i do it I am completely failed human being. I have severe stuttering and I'm on the autism spectrum. I have 0 social skills and severe social anxiety. The only friend I have ever had died to overdosing. If there was a technology to spot a person like me before I could have developed any futher, I should have been aborted. I cant find a job, nobody would hire me. I am just a rat on the tax payer.

Staying sober and drinking only weekends is an achievement to me. The only reason I haven't ended it all yet is drug abuse. Nothing else has made my life feel tolerable than abusing ADHD meds, cannabis and alcohol. 

Adult life won't bring anything new to me. My body is getting weaker, I can't eat as much I used to without getting fat, my eyes get red with too much staring the screen and I get worse hangovers.

I am so isolated that my mother tongue has started to degenerate. My English isn't the best but I have to google what different words mean much more often when I am chatting in Finnish.

I have so bad social anxiety, that I couldn't finish the high school. I used to hide in the bathroom for hours because I feared so much seeing other people. That's why my English is so bad, I'm basically going with middle school education. 

I can't enjoy things, I won't ever have a relationship, I will die a virgin and nobody will come to my funeral, If I manage to survive longer than my mother.

I just wish my mother would die already so I wont be causing such a emotional trauma to her with my suicide. She still believes that her child genious could rise up from his depression and became again that genious kid I was and have high paying job that requires mathematics and programming",3.4059739049394224,5.4597597537537546,4.69248006627317,81.8718918918919,74.58558558558559,6.995505850678265,26.79807393600497,7.873277556716777,1.7679803044423736,1350,51,247,20,29,446,185,333,0.224,0.7490000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9968,3,0,3,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,0,6,17,11,0,1,16,0,42,10,3,5,3,40,59,19,5,9,6,3,1,1,1,8,5,0,0,5,11,13,4,1,4,3,2,4,10,7,0,0,5,6,45,4,25,41,7,25,0,2,5,1,18,8,0,3,13,175,56,12,0.0,0.21356793103345975,0.0,0.0,0.10831332220016196,0.0,0.0,0.09631673745925956,0.0,0.0,0.09945571680876816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061288422182736536,0.0,0.13789150283955315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416559720248637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050203540038098,0.054939660798211394,0.0,0.07669015199198417,0.101540561993513,0.09458113905906156,0.0,0.0,0.10010909951759747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258370209430784,0.0,0.077635127412789,0.09449485916290892,0.0,0.0,0.1439157367298972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762495050913361,0.0,0.2806080818147105,0.09416195243281583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828866683188016,0.10451695280396713,0.09222087378794044,0.07528828033819349,0.10137904312346677,0.07982443145593805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304732684451909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014162300595454,0.04557015455800974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823730630131537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963072824480078,0.0,0.18834739016080265,0.0,0.051220391612681014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904450520128984,0.0,0.0,0.08875545100498589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887127993796798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731659460474828,0.04403076088467001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527891562166998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817307731671908,0.10010909951759747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26501041377630724,0.0,0.0,0.08704375764527104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647783616303358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056334838581124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248166532629799,0.07869409957302971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266401175263747,0.0,0.09676104528665516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824236102810436,0.0718183451248222,0.0,0.0,0.20363229584180145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756147548738734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637912840799682,0.09606177832941902,0.07197433091123956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858265560464999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987536935658524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567896905848344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264846908480465,0.0,0.10363986304697437,0.08687775402438888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184557162021806,0.12804512129625462,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,129dk9wskd9k29k12,2019/04/05,"Never thought it would come to this Recently lost my job, reached out to some people (including my ex, a mistake of course since I still care about her and she doesn't care about me) and mostly got told to just either man up or fuck off. I'm approaching 30 and I'm completely unsuccessful, and haven't really enjoyed life except when I was with my ex, which I know it's not good to attach yourself to one person in such a way. I just realize now how alone I really am. Either way, I'm just tired of being unsuccessful and alone, and I have my shotgun loaded with buckshot next to me. I've tried my best to help others here on other accounts and I feel like I've failed them by getting to this point, which is of course silly, but still. I 'm not saying I'm definitely gonna do it, but it's very hard not to grab that gun right now. ",7.133482658959537,4.990898959537578,7.644906069364165,78.76886199421969,65.18497109826589,10.962138728323698,31.45158959537572,9.516144504307137,2.4496595375722543,652,17,142,10,8,217,109,173,0.16399999999999998,0.762,0.07400000000000001,-0.9106,1,2,0,2,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,13,11,1,0,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,33,25,12,0,2,12,2,3,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,11,11,0,0,4,0,1,2,6,4,0,1,5,4,18,7,23,17,5,19,0,2,0,1,10,7,1,3,9,94,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375285583832834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100315727501136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322713013053724,0.0,0.0,0.14036468618489092,0.17084716280509654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239106004066805,0.11640959659522755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064216986745527,0.08513324829460253,0.0,0.0,0.13667247942290375,0.1303238557898871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459687908851946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922015252740748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170007001139206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955158457660635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150945096850616,0.07960782882724518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787624640706498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567501708731324,0.0,0.17329632137578674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041731984118408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296715337637815,0.14227931297696644,0.0,0.0,0.15403788481397288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087764489340112,0.0,0.16089081849371173,0.0,0.0,0.13915611931185234,0.0,0.12958224756418218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479170536743415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260259877413672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936196916397882,0.0,0.1872839716148699,0.0,0.1557031453799652,0.0,0.11063053283388302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444860264020547,0.0,0.2586799930381453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575309957753956,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LowKeyVelmaBabe,2019/04/05,"I need to end it all to quit being a burden to my boyfriend and his family. My boyfriend I dearly love. You could even say to death, for a weird pun. He’s been everything to me, but I feel like most of the time I’m in the way of things. I wake him up in the middle of the night for my bullshit BPD rants, I live with him for free, my mood fluctuates, I now have a tick of laughing and crying at the same time (negatively.) 

He’s going to college, he’s studying sound engineering, he is dropping his second EDM EP soon, he has everything ahead of him. While, he’s stuck with a loser, who dropped out of college, works at an Adult Shop until a better offer comes around, has BPD and PTSD, and makes him drive her everywhere because she has no insurance. His family even took me in, they’re so nice, kind, and funny. 

I can’t even go talk to him about my depressed feelings right now, because I’ll just distract him from his life. (My words, not his.) I don’t deserve to have them in my life. 

I’m just such a fucking disgusting person, I need to just slit my wrists and throat in the bathtub like I have planned for years. ",3.4967303493449777,4.316203790393015,4.316765829694321,89.60562909388649,72.23144104803492,7.4717248908296945,25.666211790393014,7.6454224807358475,1.0939451965065503,864,26,192,10,16,278,134,229,0.156,0.7,0.145,-0.2138,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,1,6,13,17,2,1,13,0,12,7,3,1,1,26,26,10,1,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,11,0,0,2,1,2,5,5,7,0,1,3,4,35,10,35,21,3,31,0,2,0,2,28,12,1,1,13,124,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992956192451238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794380190604506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908401293077398,0.0,0.0,0.3676466562589636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572601953288398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653199608333345,0.0,0.16032306998559534,0.0,0.0,0.12570953857084524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927148267650518,0.0,0.0,0.28920273733468915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262347195356302,0.0,0.27518394686557784,0.0,0.14759695341552476,0.1042692119588277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493166198714732,0.0,0.0,0.16589747891151313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198811381274252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618255155333184,0.14261101868487022,0.0,0.12887961745352502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172873518201053,0.0,0.0974250968361741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644534673340068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369674757360506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744096943945515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061183492862894,0.0,0.0,0.1552395165885838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246434943877325,0.0,0.11606808401159707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731189737532112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969650222538901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021332306514028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215971255189532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585109738585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625588873938543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398927088625646
suicidewatch,BeastialityBoy,2019/04/05,"My life is a mess and I want out. I can’t keep going. I’m fucking done fighting and fighting for a future I know will be shit. People treat me like I’m worthless, like my life is worthless. I could vanish and they would never notice. Or care if they did notice. My best friend died a few years ago. School didn’t offer counselling and I was encouraged to get on with work. Always wish I died instead of him. I’ve always been quiet and struggled to open up to people, so when I do it’s only to those I truly trust. Two such people stabbed me in the back and still treat me awfully. One accused me of sexual assault for attention. The other sided with her and together they forced me out of my friendship group. I’m not the best with emotions, so when a girl was interested in me I jumped at the chance. Turns out she didn’t care about me and was just using me to break up with her boyfriend to get with another guy, who knew about my depression and takes any opportunity to make it worse. I can’t keep living with these people torturing me, a social outcast, just for the sake of their egos and sick, twisted enjoyment. No one cares that I’ve been hurt. They don’t like because I’m awkward and don’t always understand emotion. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I can’t remember not hurting anymore. I can’t remember not waking up every day and wishing I could just lie there and stop breathing. ",2.873261904761904,4.720559135714289,4.005000000000003,87.12833333333334,75.5,6.666666666666666,24.880952380952376,7.492282038375204,1.1877738095238093,1098,37,220,14,24,357,148,280,0.21600000000000005,0.603,0.181,-0.9291,0,1,0,0,4,0,28.0,0,0,5,4,14,31,6,2,10,1,24,7,3,2,1,50,48,19,2,8,8,0,0,3,1,2,3,1,0,2,7,23,0,3,6,0,0,2,14,15,0,3,10,1,37,16,33,33,3,25,0,6,0,1,19,12,2,2,13,149,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637224928287943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243226810023576,0.0,0.0,0.06626067601061178,0.10217145965184793,0.0,0.0,0.19326315349938986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492323617276081,0.0,0.05939684747356065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045087795936884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980313320239715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555914423095438,0.0,0.0,0.06283896996733554,0.0,0.0839225666585078,0.0,0.20224897876738016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971214338103417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920759880687585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209509143797626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527978303724855,0.09007917399265554,0.10181389039253608,0.0,0.055375838582780335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647820347144263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129257965190816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732134219462544,0.0,0.0,0.053548968230421566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764563233047086,0.14280876603974454,0.0,0.08603888304443176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504012564518018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514961939740203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218659257573449,0.0,0.0,0.132052014047967,0.07410542462234515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270202901973578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075483579486996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861170598810988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000179440763948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932501292544824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781351928706585,0.08146190978474302,0.0,0.1018625768895033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326069103082927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598375577882913,0.09518204187983252,0.1014356208230041,0.0,0.08415450555811356,0.0,0.0,0.11494203735521324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240960736977197,0.0,0.0,0.07093548355174831,0.0,0.0992968891578174,0.06921663174533843,0.0,0.0,0.06274639888755235
suicidewatch,bananamoonpies,2019/04/05,"It just hurts too much anymore. I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the past but have had it under control for many years until now. 


In the past few weeks so many things have happened in my life and compiled to where I feel so hopeless and like a complete failure. I just don’t see the point anymore. 


I am a 26 year old woman and married to my high school sweetheart. 


I spent 2 years after already getting a degree going back to school again full-time quitting my job to start a new career which still hasn’t happened because my health has taken over my life and I’m unable to work so my time is spent between doctors appointments and physical therapy trying to fix me.


We are living with my dad because we were trying to buy a house which is no now longer an option the area we live in is just out of control competitive. My
Husband works in Afghanistan and is currently there right now so while he is gone I’ve been searching and applying for rentals that we just keep getting turned down for. Over and over and over again.


My cousin had a baby last week which was amazing and a happy occasion and I spent three days house/dog sitting cleaning and preparing their home for the baby (baby was very early and they were unprepared) and I left feeling why am I not there? Why don’t I have a normal life where I see my husband all the time and live on our own and am having babies? Rather than be happy for them which I feel guilty about even thinking.


Then my husband dropped a massive bomb on me, he has a prom addiction he has been struggling with for YEARS, high school to be specific (when we met) and it explains a lot of our intimacy issues (I can count on my fingers how many times a year we have sex). How do I not feel like he is not attracted to me or that I’m not good enough? How do I not take this personally? 


Well the real kicker was last night. I got in a fight with my dad over something completely pointless and unimportant and he decided to really stick it home how worthless I am by listing every mistake I made is a teenager and telling me I am nothing but a disgrace and a mistake and he is done with me for good and wants me out of his life and out of his house immediately calling me every horrible name in the book and washing his hands of me as a human being. 


My in-laws live two miles from my Dads and are out of town so I packed a bag and am staying here. I haven’t eaten in two days and all I can think is I’m not enough. I’m a burden. I just fail at everything. I’m a failure as a daughter, a wife, a person.  I don’t want to be here anymore and it hurts too much. ",4.771188767372976,5.0101630281954925,5.425092276144909,84.88099225336072,69.09398496240601,8.177808156755525,30.218956482114372,7.898369717300924,1.8547523809523807,2049,75,428,23,33,664,245,532,0.138,0.785,0.077,-0.987,3,0,1,0,1,1,36.0,8,0,3,6,34,22,1,2,32,0,49,12,2,7,2,87,83,48,0,6,15,9,6,2,1,0,8,0,3,4,13,45,1,3,8,1,4,2,12,12,1,3,19,8,60,10,61,60,9,72,0,6,2,1,40,33,0,3,36,302,73,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997145170230491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095278577031845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561189524699775,0.0,0.21825537399318745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564080585998077,0.0,0.08943716326419297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490709800865923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382971106467316,0.0,0.1645553001053503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462016008213237,0.0,0.06318345682511296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508540043715763,0.0,0.07507108227386843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159761284583498,0.0,0.048452511707621736,0.0,0.1236151817551502,0.0,0.06592977302849122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836878473453954,0.05240723438242786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766534414276215,0.0,0.0416912523718056,0.12305904104537226,0.05867139012388217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974112912956282,0.1561826985029917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779765172106845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501429169990286,0.1471688533242371,0.0,0.0,0.1692914200289236,0.15706330522739548,0.0,0.0,0.07656707946455404,0.07279686311608984,0.06520429011427137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959372557137912,0.0,0.0,0.07970408394789634,0.0,0.2072607455610037,0.07167838848428199,0.0,0.25910713976323274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062366663087983026,0.0,0.0694134636857545,0.0,0.22312162022320173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785368574934193,0.0,0.0,0.07084997113690222,0.0,0.06884186107115764,0.07187562741308234,0.07038933476541563,0.0,0.07697726939788932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140057730200935,0.0,0.12810739872043134,0.0,0.0,0.0693473714309758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802565664815042,0.0,0.08349788556450814,0.04699525044683588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264764739185022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272776140547768,0.11691424673852363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647485740369387,0.0,0.0,0.051923432054374566,0.07819026207180976,0.05858408926278948,0.0,0.0,0.153380192843285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515636488526157,0.0,0.06411844902173773,0.0,0.08389168965526206,0.0,0.048736041566742896,0.09401016318259603,0.0,0.0,0.1283275669198845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961103609418198,0.0797928414733024,0.1433209367418893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052833818723177,0.0865373348765114,0.0,0.11768731945245685,0.0,0.0659579848636667,0.0,0.13238903801788945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068115345089016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620192654350075
suicidewatch,SalemForPresident9,2019/04/05,"I feel so lonely Some nights I just want to end my life cause I can't bear this loneliness.

I been suffering from paranoid schizophrenia for over three years now. Had my first big psychotic episode at the end of highschool (12th and last grade) caused me to stop going. 

All my somewhat friends from there vanished and I  haven't been able to form a meaningful connection with a person since I was diagnosed",4.263966165413535,6.7728843815789475,3.549548872180452,88.9518421052632,73.60526315789474,7.5007518796992505,27.962406015037594,8.418075326091056,2.0188669172932334,327,13,62,6,7,96,61,76,0.172,0.746,0.08199999999999999,-0.7867,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,2,1,13,9,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,4,1,10,1,10,5,4,12,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,2,8,42,11,2,0.2481414960721387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5098193403740598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25185839517576303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395594264436173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546779623179946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21106902979581915,0.0,0.0,0.19171350432373926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102453064081746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022684383030928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752696770916201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286398449776066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666758310650447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526520977434007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074574017569884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636028350782215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979498783193494
suicidewatch,eslamalia,2019/04/05,"Feel nothing I attempted suicide twice and I feel the third is coming, dad passed away 3months ago and that's make me depressed more, I don't wanna feel fine again I just wanna end my fucking life my whole life has been a mess and I can't take it anymore, I feel fucking awful 24/7 ",0.903201970443348,3.336707448275864,1.8828078817733989,96.32155172413796,86.58620689655174,4.0039408866995085,22.07881773399015,5.288315135182226,-0.01686995073891584,224,8,47,1,7,70,43,58,0.187,0.7509999999999999,0.063,-0.7265,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,2,1,5,4,0,1,0,12,14,3,1,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,2,1,4,9,1,3,13,2,6,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,3,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444321725347533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287270576256684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668833242487665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986708585876356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864481555461225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427336003841767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4664621304154466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264350249413845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32580737619054284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539500551145959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221299642724365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522762760043933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340814320467635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574947403484587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,schokoladenkuss,2019/04/05,"I hate the way I feel... I feel like there's a weight on me and I can't breathe properly. Suicide is always on my mind. I always feel on the brink of crisis mode, always needing to talk to someone. How annoying is that for my friends? My two total friends. I never feel okay. No one is this needy. I've been hospitalized twice in the past year. I feel like someone who would need hospitalization once a freaking month. It's pathetic. No one is this needy. ",0.3924175824175826,2.845708241758245,2.052087912087913,92.8179120879121,92.95604395604396,4.997802197802199,21.285714285714285,6.67199483983844,0.5163890109890108,354,13,75,5,13,115,59,91,0.229,0.596,0.17600000000000002,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,5,1,7,2,1,1,2,13,15,2,1,3,0,0,6,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,1,6,11,5,8,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159545184149409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212717430289281,0.2380844409029806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257479559071673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451499781239246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281634824093086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682512232858224,0.0,0.13300439258092808,0.0,0.0,0.2471116276558309,0.12851718008587354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774580685963791,0.2258288545729025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906948144649125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28237418497039785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226880098080253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133932811868281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277564298129335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226504368325984,0.0,0.2029133731872857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837087663627975,0.0,0.0,0.1073058028800928
suicidewatch,-Mustard,2019/04/05,"I lost my job.. Well, my life is even shittier today.

I was disabled (lot better, still some issues), so I needed a work at home job. Found one last year, was good. But, as time went on they made some changes and I no longer wanted to be there. So, I started applying elsewhere and finally got an interview for a different WAH company. Got the job. It paid a bit more and I was excited. We had our training orientation on Tuesday that was 8hrs long. During it my internet went out. For 3 hours. I called the company, waited, etc. After it finally came back up, I was told by my trainer that because I missed so much I’d have to start with the next training class. So, I’m waiting to hear back and all. Finally get a call today telling me I’m done. Because I missed it and it’s mandatory, I can’t continue nor apply for the same position in the future. Lovely.

We work from home.. the internet going out wasn’t my doing, but it seems like they’d be a bit understanding. Obviously orientation is important but I didn’t know that was gonna happen. Generally my service is very good. They were doing scheduled maintenance. I left my previous job because I had secured this one. Now I have neither. I’m so sad. I don’t even know what to do. I have bills. Now I have no job... I was told I’d still be employed would just have to start a bit later. I want to kill myself.",0.4415898989899034,2.86181736,2.836439393939393,88.33243686868687,89.94545454545454,6.401010101010102,22.547979797979803,7.6953281115453125,1.3620767676767684,1054,41,218,23,36,360,150,275,0.08800000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.095,-0.2971,7,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,3,0,3,4,16,13,1,0,13,0,31,2,0,1,2,34,65,15,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,11,11,0,3,5,0,2,4,8,5,1,2,24,1,35,8,21,35,12,38,0,4,0,1,14,8,0,4,27,148,46,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404875973446897,0.0,0.1670613981255781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079313223194545,0.2991971051140003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186560546214856,0.10448197894323452,0.0,0.0,0.09663795852432837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544305634647897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348447935023646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188126447908913,0.12067383852743398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30021388161819096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016239563805596,0.0,0.0,0.04772747937829737,0.0,0.05191726165901084,0.15324290036871469,0.14612455801492985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078198381862745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029599760826519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326635520448145,0.0,0.08996299771258577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534741397492273,0.4532622043406307,0.0,0.10106709264714224,0.0,0.1004089821965553,0.07446380703430426,0.0,0.0,0.09925386133070696,0.0,0.06452438909108668,0.044629813672271916,0.0,0.0,0.08084335701457565,0.0,0.0,0.0997211436465344,0.07766392665450067,0.08244845259044341,0.08643916293741907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715399160956899,0.06773610892078141,0.0,0.0,0.0971535418944192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380451730187522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316313328035063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939775555908123,0.0,0.1459071300706702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984538975573444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326789586800256,0.0,0.17318141137807097,0.17458087901315225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510031455216114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537469835223165,0.10776316858966807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213612601822053,0.16936783442918193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301021364974044,0.0,0.0,0.06489360835784394,0.0,0.0,0.058827483114968326
suicidewatch,Alex7801,2019/04/05,How do I help someone who attempted suicide? My brother recently attempted suicide and I want to help in any way that I can so he doesn't do it again. ,1.8169892473118312,3.9069517741935513,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,79.64516129032258,8.004301075268819,32.913978494623656,8.841846274778883,3.122410752688173,119,7,24,3,3,41,25,31,0.239,0.584,0.17800000000000002,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,5,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21816336269403172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300674397265863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167634396396862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27182321768892725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7018331647009217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892234043937338,0.2546458683219873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mothernomore,2019/04/05,"My sadist psycho traits MAJOR liar 1st born has turned my 2nd born STRONG-willed ""Christian"" adult w/babies against me.I was a GREAT mom til 1st born went psycho-sadist-liar. Now i have NOTHING. Why live? Don't tell me why to live.  I'm saying WHY be alive? I've got nothing. I'm disabled, can't support myself. no one wants to date a disabled woman. My parents abused me so terribly and were so toxic caused brain alteration and needed brain surgery. I've lived with TOXIC people, survived my oldest wanting to kill me, did beat me up bite, punch, kick, throw down. knee kick, battered and bruised me but I never once hit her back... she wanted to do it before she became a ""legal adult. Planned it. Did it 2 weeks before her b-day. She HATES me for having a 2nd child. So, she turns everyone away from me. She lies about me at EVERY opportunity. Now, my kind hearted 2nd is crazed with anger at me for being ""abusive to her sister""... who she doesn't know used to even write stories of what ways she could get away with killing her sister. All along #1 asks me ""why'd you have another kid?"" ""cuz I LOVE family, I love children, babies. I have LOTS of love to give"". She figured she had me wrapped around her finger and her sister ruined it. Hated me. Didn't know how bad til read the kill notes. By age 13 she wasn't anyone I knew. Venomous. Announce at the dinner table how fun it is to torment people til they go off and then sit back and laugh cuz it's so entertaining to aggravate people. Wrote on www w/ friends asking each other what college they were going to.. my #1 writes ""Ima gi to 'I killz my mom college'. She's married now to a medical professional, and has a med. tech job. I protected my kids, i praised them every day when each were young and praised them still on thru adulthood for anything good I  heard or saw them do. I quit my career to be at home when #1 struggled in school after being a star student middle school was a huge challenge for her as she needed structure hour by hour. #2 star student her whole life. Very loving, happy, sing-songy all the time. Sheltered from most of the chaos except her sister being mean to her which she forgets now, cuz she remembers me yelling at her sister as I didn't hit my kids. So Now I'm the evil mother neiither wants anything to do with. 50 years of goals and wants and wishes..flushed right down the gutter. Now, just stuck in bed on oxygen. doing jack, tried to get #2 to let me visit the grandbabies. WOn't even answer a text. Hasnt' taken a phone call from me since 2012. i don't know what I'm here for. Why live? Why not give my good organs to people who HAVE a life where people want them around? I would LIKE to live and be happy but not even my ""sweet child"" now will listen or talk to me. Just tell me I'm awful but not in what way or how I can fix it , offered pay for counseling, a mediator, asked is it really worth throwing family away??? vs getting help? trying? Spitting fire at me. She doesn't know the lies and I don't know WHAT or WHICH lies she's been told. AND>.she WANTS to believe them. She told me she has to chose her sister over me because I will die a lot sooner than her sister so that the relationship she chooses. So, I can't start telling her all the evil her sister did and thought. That makes me look just as bad. I've no way to fix this. She wont listen. wont sent a text but once every 6 months. THis time she's so upset and angry she's surely done. Even though I've not seen her for 8 months nor heard from her nor was told this was WHY she had all the non-responsive texts/calls etc. She'd say she loves me and see me soon..and then 1/2 year go by. Went to college and didn't speak to me for 4 years. Just shut me out. What can I possibly do with all that? Nothing. This is like a sick torture test. I did everything for my kids. I'm not kidding. I was so good to them. They are smart, they were well cared for. Had me there if ever they needed me. Praised them tons daily. Wasn't one to spank kids. #1 maybe got 3 spanks. #2 NEVER spanked. LOVE my kids. And now I have grandkids #1 is surely doing back flips that she got her sister, their mommy to cut Grandma from the scene to torture me, AND cause hated lil sis harm without lil sis even realizing it. She took her mother by making it be #2's FIGHTING me off choice. #1 is yelling ""SCORE! HAHAHA take THAT I WIN"" Happy about grand kids not having a wonderful, fun, grandma that was going to get a lil hobby farm so they could play with the baby goats or mini horses. Why do that now? So I can be alone and cry looking at the place ready for happiness that never comes? My life has been one long evil experience. The bits of shining love and brightness with my young children has been ripped from my soul.",1.4073647540555534,3.5828465336091,2.5209451286390285,94.38595802910179,81.59565667011375,4.982561916998319,19.281637470882558,6.056715329094912,-0.17936254165230414,3686,92,796,26,99,1172,412,967,0.14800000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.9881,2,1,0,0,5,1,161.0,0,1,14,11,48,61,15,2,32,1,81,19,6,11,11,113,163,60,4,14,23,17,2,2,1,6,5,9,2,15,33,34,1,1,14,3,2,12,30,22,1,3,45,19,132,39,103,98,15,93,5,1,7,7,136,31,0,10,48,488,165,16,0.0,0.1150538469868017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028587876331592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091166268724202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033949125633996206,0.0,0.07990934997523351,0.08644426339314963,0.13617045608878656,0.0,0.13685037368474626,0.11200191933624326,0.08107883083553763,0.029597230709670005,0.0,0.08262941884564058,0.0547021841061202,0.0,0.0,0.05300689355579288,0.0,0.0,0.1084015778786455,0.049577660575059065,0.0,0.0495026389885434,0.09975384452791516,0.0,0.0418237889318339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753064363450836,0.0,0.0533327807950476,0.06262485538509885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503899612520501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049686194431747134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414901330193343,0.16034276078695886,0.043918630722318816,0.12272304666520277,0.046394115681037185,0.043635970367178915,0.047493785627855035,0.09154219113828424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037511639103727366,0.0,0.10146697448002792,0.09315220777351213,0.11037430705429624,0.1221709196423773,0.11649591329886175,0.05352944256420172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067406966742457,0.0,0.14380700155007914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057535096649489366,0.03254380236630131,0.0,0.04870224352094263,0.0,0.09562911463118833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818099040602705,0.0,0.16114886398748318,0.05056008943788342,0.1334162699195496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964835054740575,0.10288246875585752,0.04744072203184475,0.0,0.2143642953947928,0.0429675469453336,0.08154395661059871,0.0,0.0,0.08255541426575233,0.3067444897949861,0.0,0.0648185109475112,0.0,0.04877763963867849,0.052888044385519785,0.053931023080799737,0.048911663607359095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372849963496462,0.07750848714662327,0.0,0.0,0.10800347291700783,0.11234033712170677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976266494934433,0.0,0.0,0.1034139261265221,0.09870154961996933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391194635757248,0.0,0.0,0.1683013907365656,0.0,0.05072716121170071,0.0,0.0,0.05473579166465183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164169517020836,0.048565765931397234,0.0,0.03110405605385733,0.0,0.0,0.05212735097831539,0.05500066150989282,0.04146367808642233,0.0,0.07722199534287677,0.0,0.09827570104973696,0.038690157510314814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0401632347015238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034365799219539146,0.0,0.038774190561137255,0.0,0.0,0.050757747542445435,0.0,0.0,0.05509694563261438,0.09152055251494287,0.0,0.03650553298059276,0.039024762362218114,0.12731140786543893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477027094150979,0.03854536237835468,0.05662285439173152,0.0,0.0,0.13918234704311158,0.053943754969856816,0.06592809317531463,0.10562263166103636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193388070588087,0.0,0.04006100203577589,0.2004631811098436,0.11561644588580525,0.038945988650688115,0.0,0.04365464252009516,0.0900175431303935,0.3066783573010357,0.05420727402071817,0.0,0.04680299972804913,0.05265325275775338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034490393107562724,0.0,0.0,0.09379889959155807
suicidewatch,dm_me_nothing,2019/04/05,"The urge to simply disappear is so strong right now. I just well actually don’t want to take space on this earth up anymore. I am thinking about getting high as fuck and hopefully passing out, but these thoughts are bloody disturbing. This life i am living doesn’t belong to me at all. Just want to end it. Don’t know what to do. Do not know what the fuck I am supposed to do. 
Please anyone, tell me. 
Why you’re still walking this planet?
My pets won’t miss me as I don’t have any, my bf doesn’t really care, mom would not be sad and if she did she’d deserve it. 
 ",1.3150572956455306,3.1060418655462168,2.7097631779984748,94.9032849503438,79.92436974789916,6.007944996180291,20.902215431627198,6.980632752743323,0.2518672268907567,438,12,102,5,11,142,81,119,0.14300000000000002,0.708,0.149,-0.3254,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,9,2,1,2,0,19,3,0,0,1,18,32,7,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,5,1,0,2,0,12,4,13,26,1,13,0,2,0,2,5,7,2,2,3,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.20244655141119408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410767906960888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574001879435225,0.14505764413956232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151461359519247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374391455806988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835783617240249,0.1083868877413957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918802756760555,0.0,0.20605002862142668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22802413249828066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653188913592358,0.0,0.0,0.1831869251234416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429692653417703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22772373917559904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329012459113026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771657840446605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567415599607466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559806479057337,0.0,0.1813251696685664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292904811121276,0.0,0.16469642014905955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472514804325984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652732526868224,0.0,0.1871962371759308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737036893287211,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Averagesmithy,2019/04/05,"I feel less alive by the second. Every second I am here i am drifting out of touch. My fiancée and I broke it off. I hate my job. I am alone and no one cares about me. 
I am alone all this month (family and friends gone) and I think I think now would be the best time to do it. ",-1.8296774193548373,0.01259788709677423,0.5647580645161305,104.8171370967742,94.32258064516128,3.745161290322581,12.588709677419354,5.148860815047168,-1.593070967741936,207,3,56,1,8,69,42,62,0.183,0.635,0.182,0.228,1,4,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,13,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,1,2,12,3,6,10,3,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453804081116951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763077949603597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684428523288815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183413090981444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24820744307474102,0.0,0.13312790527997045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034180722944218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599454794716528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612758179542248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101564663466867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841288229365718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374126470583319,0.0,0.0,0.15352717401022944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703446306935906,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babygirl-bunny82,2019/04/05,Snap out of it Got told today to just snap out of this way I’m feeling. What they don’t realise is that so many things are happening that are convincing more and more that I don’t belong here anymore. I wish I could just ‘snap out of it’ ,4.247647058823528,3.902930235294118,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,70.17647058823529,8.368627450980393,26.803921568627448,7.793537801064563,1.1766156862745092,186,5,44,2,3,60,34,51,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,12,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,7,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395318102508324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733487636434751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731088717678266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738187326280863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027502115850935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471020494681935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274505701490659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324519815303336,0.3271422386618575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717515815528975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937002175271394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eveningstorms,2019/04/05,"Is anyone older and suicidal here? I am 55 years old. I have cancer but have not had treatment yet, this cancer is not curable with treatment I can live 15 more years, but do I really want to constantly getting chemo?
I am a successful professional but I keep failing the licensure test in the state I moved to so I can’t make much money, plus I am too depressed to work. 
I took out student loans 25 years ago to get all this education but I can’t pay them back. Every time I get a job they garnish my wages and I eventually get fired because they notice my depression or they get sick of doing all the paperwork to garnish my wages, who knows but I can’t stay employed more then a couple months, plus they gouge out money from an already low salary.
My parents are dead, I have no family no children only pets. I am married he’s a good guy but he can’t deal with my depression so he works constantly saying “ we need the money” but he makes really good money and we don’t need that much. I have no close friends and no family my husband would be the only one effected by my suicide. Most others who know me would never even know I died unless he called them, he is estranged from his family because they don’t like me. They don’t like me because I was drinking when they knew me I have been sober almost five years but things are getting worse in sobriety and not better. While drinking at least I had a way to numb my pain.
I know how to easily take my life I am a health care professional. 
Getting up once a day to feed my animals feels like running a marathon, I already take antidepressants and I have already seen plenty of therapists. 
I recently went back to school to enter another field and they tossed my straight A ass out of the program, people hate me I am over weight and have a skin condition due to my cancer, and I am not attractive (although I look quite young for my age) don’t know why people hate me so much, it’s like my depression makes me an easy target to get victimized easily by others. I go to AA meetings I asked eight women to sponsor me, they all refused. I try to talk to others and some are polite and others mostly avoid me, people who look past my looks and get to know me generally really like me and think I am great. 
People try to tell me how to eat to loose weight which is depressing because I hardly eat anything , I am too depressed to eat much but the weight stays the same. Our society feels obese people do nothing but eat junk all day but I eat only from Whole Foods, my stomach hurts when I eat.
No one knows I am suicidal but my husband everyone just thinks I am this smiling outgoing professional, you have to be around me a while to notice I am not the positive person I try to show people. 
I don’t know why I need to be here? My husbands brother committed suicide and he got over it. He is so unemotional he will do fine. I used to like to travel take care of animals reach out and meet others. I don’t want to do that anymore, the older I get the worse people treat me. If I am lucky cancer will progress quickly, I can refuse treatment and be gone soon. There are already too many people on the planet. I hate Trump and the direction the country has taken. I am obsessed with suicide, I just want to have the nerve. I don’t believe in any God when I die it’s going to be just like it was before birth, nothing. It has to happen someday why not now??",3.1588855022528506,4.73788597521866,4.462993373972966,85.28042963159294,74.0874635568513,7.496379538828517,25.73803339517625,8.180337850089996,1.5697986005830895,2673,91,540,43,55,883,289,686,0.228,0.647,0.125,-0.9985,6,1,2,0,0,3,54.0,3,1,11,8,26,36,4,2,28,0,66,26,3,7,6,99,121,47,8,9,24,5,8,7,1,4,10,1,1,4,20,30,14,4,14,5,8,9,23,17,1,4,12,13,101,19,60,100,16,62,0,9,4,1,48,16,1,7,40,367,121,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439023706203432,0.0,0.050144879672958005,0.0,0.22104484919065875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034054075706289766,0.05251009847000252,0.0,0.0,0.04966292571064696,0.03501500119850433,0.0,0.04120910233918657,0.04457914496749092,0.04681523302989108,0.0,0.0,0.07701224045401545,0.0,0.12210589220403605,0.0,0.042611836768699264,0.05641962808369209,0.0,0.044289035075556704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113421368108416,0.0,0.10211367339471243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108230888849427,0.0,0.0,0.05540924556786108,0.0,0.06459104160755016,0.051627185841324,0.25878746887495746,0.0,0.1039440351221458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811278663157112,0.0,0.3074476228131046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03307538474867034,0.0,0.0421920304359088,0.04785071738484844,0.0,0.0,0.1416244103151926,0.0,0.05064086944965951,0.035775017222479284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060553304495037624,0.0,0.03868936426626506,0.0,0.2616316449008184,0.0,0.05691982373060224,0.08400441970767518,0.04005114974837271,0.055210066843779305,0.0,0.04958410090016528,0.04428292375823507,0.0,0.044859153889348684,0.1483220035153704,0.0,0.05322950693800675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360846184447412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969369329272992,0.044510736529148776,0.0,0.0,0.2201680668419905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035370864487341516,0.17125564141152136,0.0,0.04421890649607088,0.0,0.12615619777221942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028035462449156,0.05077021585699845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03997098186846303,0.053223923588823635,0.1472494212167135,0.11139437799967,0.03862246783972045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610045991497494,0.11402598776952814,0.05254738531618237,0.0533303683031552,0.06786693940214733,0.1142574401111724,0.05328545633264012,0.0,0.0556045798255775,0.0,0.04780416071487879,0.2777366798489582,0.04372530290481369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053263051242383085,0.0,0.0,0.09624182122501042,0.0,0.04944499397730322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982323858105565,0.0,0.05068059524034541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067508333615514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27388053874826834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295501052205136,0.040249993935515885,0.04376950329591235,0.0,0.0,0.058143254111056086,0.03326893217991101,0.06417463631840006,0.0,0.0,0.029200300116180557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563738710931337,0.10199698306384687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04325044771415277,0.0,0.0,0.08861013222916886,0.039748789948258714,0.0,0.1829408774361189,0.0,0.046421878645392975,0.1355601045629355,0.055909179672727696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729133016012888,0.0,0.10206547787824646,0.07114652489246076,0.0,0.0,0.12899177893515934
suicidewatch,DeadEspeon,2019/04/05,"How can I shake the feeling that I am not allowed to exist I honestly dont feel welcome in life. I want to stop living because I keep lying to everyone and making more work and burdens. I am told that it will be a greater burden if I die. I don't believe it.

Door is blocked so I can't leave without him hearing, can't kill myself at home because he would find me before I die. This is because I lied to him. I lied to me too. I lied to everyone with this thought that if my situation would change I would change. Despite the change in situation I feel pushed to nonexistence. 

He keeps bringing up the hopeful things I said in the past. He trusted me then and trusts me now. I don't deserve it. He gets hurt because I betray that trust with the lies I never knew were lies. She corrupted me so much I don't think I can be fixed.  I want to cut my losses and remove myself so I stop hurting him. He won't let me.",1.2959895833333306,3.1379632864583336,3.135625000000001,91.58020833333336,80.19791666666666,5.7250000000000005,24.729166666666664,6.691623216298621,0.7809666666666666,709,27,156,7,18,237,102,192,0.263,0.608,0.129,-0.9813,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,14,2,1,6,0,21,1,0,3,1,32,38,11,3,8,4,0,3,0,0,5,1,2,2,0,10,6,0,5,7,0,0,4,10,8,0,0,5,5,37,6,16,25,3,15,0,3,0,0,13,5,0,3,6,108,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968640985914646,0.0,0.10359798600487527,0.13716751691182774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863775039002644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527089539539469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426869299990028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326695268672452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846772803880012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127482743947838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360793981726981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372180565066852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212246953143943,0.12092254047527892,0.0,0.0,0.2606660074313548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642919008835787,0.13469535014935444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891281279454958,0.0,0.12449486386401346,0.0859937191637703,0.0,0.0,0.10750509726198493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126726877435132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894982746298824,0.0,0.09389902398368834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622157476095098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580956306472902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736981345828704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357239017232012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088349697479548,0.07801075451487177,0.0,0.09665375765707236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163347634336226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361942494048466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173600535632577,0.0,0.08863348510252618,0.0,0.0,0.25945736850466383,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HummingArrow,2019/04/05,"SF, Ca resident needs a place to go that wont haul me off. been struggling with depression for ever, suicidal thoughts and tenancies getting stronger. every doctor says they have to report self harm or harm to others, what even the fuck is the point of doing your job if i can easily kill my self better in jail? 

​

pathetic sob story short, i need a place that accepts MediCal that can accept everything i have been going through and feel without the need to report it to the police. 

​

this legal clause of doctors is total bullshit and it is no wonder why suicide rates are through the roof in this country...",8.660201149425289,8.165069905172416,7.920689655172413,72.70994252873565,61.1551724137931,10.491954022988507,37.4367816091954,9.725611199111238,3.7002919540229886,503,21,83,8,6,157,85,116,0.285,0.618,0.097,-0.9848,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,1,1,2,10,2,1,7,0,12,4,0,0,2,17,22,5,3,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,3,2,7,3,15,18,1,10,0,2,0,1,5,7,2,3,1,59,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908376949386811,0.3261649925176345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869977188885998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559675914797815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274743718878445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864588307479848,0.12140260603934205,0.11307955523813723,0.0,0.12062125873471058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786171387199233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407700330054428,0.07012032778689747,0.0,0.15255175646184874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318488533559156,0.0,0.14848589863115388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520465756769218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985499059915129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804463375470711,0.0,0.12687389699238028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067309171984153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800251611986205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030771740814732,0.0,0.2936126959529058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654948404584508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110562250452753,0.0,0.0,0.12937575794129366,0.1455473906200584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261649925176345,0.0
suicidewatch,KittenPuppyFish,2019/04/05,"My mother died in 2013 and sometimes I think about joining her She's in a better place right now, freed from the debilitating pain she had suffered from while living on earth. I think about joining her sometimes because I want to do the same. I don't care if people call me a coward because it's the truth, I am a mentally weak pansy who is not cut out for this life and the challenges that come with it.",7.257926829268293,5.77337954878049,7.083048780487808,80.7933536585366,64.48780487804878,9.175609756097561,32.69512195121951,7.1686216300943375,1.9743073170731709,321,10,66,2,4,102,60,82,0.207,0.6559999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.8524,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,1,0,7,0,5,3,0,0,1,12,10,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,11,5,11,9,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889673963112445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962276135758792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420214180189628,0.0,0.24165518793589816,0.0,0.0,0.2041696317817066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459867959618267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741250453509393,0.0,0.0,0.2092908384232358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885794260442325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25220338346932897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643181254144064,0.0,0.2476328924384248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024116920879091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4688328336254054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037425505259301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979909150915193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,malachyt,2019/04/05,"How do I make sure that my suicide doesn’t cause any party to be liable? I’m a 15-year-old so I’m still a minor living with my parents, and I’m worried that CPS will confront my parents after my suicide. I’m concerned that this may cause them to lose their jobs. Additionally, I’m worried that my death will possibly lead to depreciation of our house’s value due to people not wanting to buy a house where someone committed suicide. What steps can I take in order to ensure that neither my parents nor anyone else is investigated?

Please don’t respond by just saying “The only step you need to take is to not kill yourself.” That won’t be constructive at all because this isn’t an impulsive decision. I’ve been thinking about my life from a rational standpoint for a while now and it just doesn’t seem logical for me to stay alive. All I need to do now is go through with my suicide and everything will be fine.",4.527671058223547,5.7884589281768015,5.486408839779006,80.52628134296644,70.21546961325967,8.000169995750106,31.602634934126648,8.384062270229773,2.41072851678708,730,32,139,11,13,240,111,181,0.159,0.726,0.115,-0.9104,4,0,0,0,0,4,13.0,1,1,2,2,9,5,2,0,7,0,19,1,0,5,4,27,33,7,6,3,4,3,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,1,4,9,3,0,0,1,1,16,2,22,24,3,15,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,2,6,92,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221929072212936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453932469069493,0.12388107574703106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370233695811593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484047083452925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100029970813508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866128061249418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871288440658467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279015407638382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199791840227997,0.0,0.13376305360603225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539851192732968,0.0,0.0,0.10676099859446796,0.0,0.0,0.13526134871868245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070477575822603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929849432332942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686906516746171,0.0,0.0,0.09195341517698448,0.0,0.0,0.4027508325515883,0.0,0.0,0.08382004338353985,0.0,0.0,0.13271697083004327,0.0,0.13630179797934144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614821023575114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006702937288547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244209607061563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886824294811033,0.09655458938195366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290001427774635,0.0,0.11395117783511832,0.0,0.18181046186136648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747080152692136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131268011805844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455690302565803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785861422657599
suicidewatch,high_priestess23,2019/04/05,"Nobody cares. I feel alone and like nobody cares as in: Nobody is really there for me or nobody is interested in me. I feel so random.
I hardly have any close friends. 
There are a few people I sometimes meet and that I like and I believe they like me too but I have a hard time distinguishing wheather I‘m just an acquaintance to some people or if I am really their „friend“ and what makes a friend.
I‘m not unpopular per se and I actually love talking to people and I‘m extroverted and all. 
I‘m not bad at all at getting to know people or socialising. I‘m not shy.  
But I can‘t maintain close bonds. 
I end up adding people on facebook and Whats App and maybe eating lunch with them or meeting with them for vegan activism every few months and that‘s it. 
I‘m feeling lonely.
I recently got a place of my own and I love it but I‘m feeling lonely. I am spending a few days at my parent‘s appartment and I don‘t like it but at least I‘m not lonely.
I would love to see so many theater plays, operas, movies and concerts but going alone all the time is getting boring.

Haven‘t had a partner since 2011. 
It‘s hard to find someone who‘s my type and whenever I meet someone and think that this could be bf material then they stop contacting me or delete me or start ghosting me.

I just hate myself and my appearance. Got piercings and a tattoo this year. More to come.
I‘m going to get lip fillers and maybe something against my wrinkles on Saturday.
It‘s not like I have flat lips or that I am 
super-wrinkly but I want to look totally PORN.

I can’t afford the other surgery I want yet but I want to earn it by working as a prostitute and then I want to work my way up and become an erotic starlet and then maybe writer and actress.
I am 30 though and turning 31 this year. 
I feel like time is running out and as if this doesn‘t sound realistic. 
I also haven‘t finished my Bachelor‘s degree and I‘m in dept.

I often feel like I don‘t really know who I am.
It makes me cry.

Sometimes I just want to finish studying and study abroad and I want to make my PhD but it‘s all really expensive and I‘m in debt and I can‘t stand my family being mean and teasing me for studying and being 30+ and studying instead of „working a regular job and finally earning money!“ and they are all treating me like university is a huge waste of money and time.

Sometimes I also think that I am now too old and I just want to do something „artistic“.
I want to be a journalist or a writer or I want to write theater plays or movie scripts but without any degree and without knowing how to do that it‘s difficult.
There are 20yo now with a Bachelor‘s degree and they have more experience than me.
It‘s devastating (They changed the school system here. I went to school for almost 14 years and left school at 20 and didn‘t start studying until I was 22. Now they finish school after 12 years at 17/18 and they often have their Bachelor‘s at 20/21 when I was still in regular school!). 
I was heartbroken and depressed when I was 23-29 for various reasons. 
It‘s like those years are a biiiig gap in my CV and my whole career is ruined. 

I also just want to work in the erotic biz.
I already have experience in that field. 

I want so many contradictory things.

As soon as my genital piercings I‘ll get on Monday have healed I will start partying and doing drugs and dating and trying to become an erotic star.
It‘s going to be my „shaved my head“ time.
As in:  Do you remember when Britney shaved her head and went crazy?
Or when Miley cut her hair short and became sluttier and did more drugs?
This time is going to start now for me but I am most definitly not going to cut my hair short but I am going to turn into this crazy broken slut.
Only at 31 which seems a bit more desperate.
Then again I used to be this nerdy chubby girl when I was younger and I don‘t want to be her ever again.

I just feel like nobody cares anyways.
I honestly feel like the only people I can hug are either my mom or the remaining cat (the other cat died recently) and tbh as a 31yo woman I would prefer other people I could turn to or other people I could hug.
My mom always goes: „Don‘t say you‘ve got nobody! I am there!“
Yes, mom but I am 31yo and I want hugs and kisses from other people that aren‘t my mom and there might be topics or problems I don‘t want to tell my mom? 
Besides I don‘t really think she is supportive and I feel like she doesn‘t really know me. 

I feel like nobody cares for me anyways so I can just take all drugs I find and let myself get fucked but anyone who wants to.
But nobody cares for me as a person anyways so I can be a prostitute anyways.

I have violence fantasies and rape fantasies every day. Every day I go to bed I have abuse fantasies and rape fantasies.
They are getting worse and worse. 






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suicidewatch,Dominguez15,2019/04/05,"Everyday my grip on life slowly slips out of my hand. She left me 4 months ago. 2 weeks before our 4 year anniversary. We saw each other Valentine’s Day. I begged her back but she still said no . I cried , drove erratically crashed. I was aiming for a tree but hit a fence. Instead of her checking up on me she just left like if I meant nothing to her. For 5 weeks I didn’t communicate at all with her cause I was working on my car but when I was done , the loneliness, the pain, the feelings came back. I tried contacting her a week ago she responded with a restraining order and I’m just falling apart. I don’t understand how someone can go from telling me “ I can’t imagine my life without you “ telling me to never giving up , to snuggling, having fun together, to just treating me like if I’m a complete stranger, like if I never existed in her life. She meant do much to me . The pain that I can’t even see her talk to her look for her is indescribable. Everyday is a chore. I have a hard time eating, being happy. I just don’t know why she promised to always be by my side, had me believe it and just walk out on me . I don’t know how much longer I can live with this pain",1.4908803005904474,3.4179489629629636,3.0983360171765995,91.66685990338163,79.94650205761317,6.366004651994992,23.733941671139736,7.423996415210882,0.9029446770441942,910,32,203,13,23,300,136,243,0.12,0.78,0.1,-0.5725,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,1,0,1,13,10,0,0,11,0,20,8,1,3,3,37,37,11,0,3,12,0,4,3,0,0,6,1,1,0,4,10,1,2,7,0,1,6,10,3,0,0,12,8,47,7,28,22,4,38,0,0,3,0,25,14,0,3,20,138,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173267132305084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199974264659024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851912271835208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430999069361516,0.1381102371224256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020348687385695,0.0,0.125927578091736,0.0,0.0,0.12852703539963978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465281363744064,0.07905656573249999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544603486703898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254340777363772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096560338501592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198217469107947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759378271916042,0.06966733581386722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049299176584875,0.10981122334906206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473796687044512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663758398339654,0.0,0.2597542015515661,0.17966511235729896,0.0,0.1082439546111072,0.0,0.10293972139707078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784541251638022,0.0,0.18022675061073712,0.0,0.1890887399571097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762269406263337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913141893647871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660549506189274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768361017701542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386506068058628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789577400127322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852840926856593,0.21428771100589847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147974047452775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322651764514598,0.0,0.0,0.12761431050475874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949885721425172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061303085134083,0.0,0.0,0.11816664171839684,0.0,0.08924264228217814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894010373992415
suicidewatch,Lilly_Wolf_,2019/04/05,"Is life worth living When I was younger I used to cut and put out cigarettes on my wrists. Now I am ashamed of my scars. I am diagnosed with severe anxiety, having panic attacks weekly. My dad's an alcoholic, my mom is very cold person. I grew up being told by everyone in my environment that I will never be good enough for college, that I will be a drop out. I never had support, even from the closest ones. Now, with my bachelor's degree, when I should be happy and get a job and start a new life, I hate my profession so much because of comments I was getting. I never had any friends because I am to weird and awkward to fit in. I am mostly quiet but genuinely nice and care about people, still I somehow get hurt. Had a boyfriend, I got cheated on. Everyone around me is getting married, enjoying life, traveling, while I am just getting more sad every day. I can't help it, that's just the way I feel. There, I said it, I said what's in my heart. Whoever I turn for help, says I am overreacting. Am I?",3.3557352941176504,4.476621142156862,4.984588235294119,83.54864705882355,72.87254901960785,8.185098039215687,29.28627450980392,8.648137234880735,2.1966650980392157,779,32,160,14,15,264,123,204,0.201,0.711,0.087,-0.9499,1,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,13,17,4,3,7,0,24,7,2,1,3,21,40,10,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,3,5,4,0,1,6,10,1,0,1,1,1,3,4,10,0,1,9,6,33,7,21,24,4,29,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,2,13,117,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696392824733114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715310837619603,0.0,0.09804195199625487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408945837141884,0.0,0.14580035720863802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625013799251222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066753185165916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265251563287149,0.0,0.0,0.13007957327159633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242340802182248,0.0,0.08464838736036608,0.0,0.1079802204266948,0.2449245014951421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648014825226309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901599990514903,0.0,0.3347912199900341,0.0,0.0,0.10749442090290304,0.10250115800284296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642856784851531,0.0,0.12653134148993167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518700664781802,0.17180572265074326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719779462843215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717889848218114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27156932514738463,0.0,0.0,0.11316751578775484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009929422078291,0.0,0.0,0.09421225286157216,0.0,0.296534384408759,0.12377760388268695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684444669545993,0.0,0.0,0.1503679972866329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884991905113711,0.11190425767865947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288360702809322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438187749286397,0.10191787490813664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478417714425254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907122176893662,0.0,0.1023486400662856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543430502856536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246225074757106,0.0,0.0,0.13940113970508378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068898153222667,0.0,0.10574531714825572,0.0,0.10172734177434753,0.10280211957358293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anotherthrowerawayer,2019/04/05,"It'll happen sooner or later. Why is suicide so frowned upon? Everyone dies, it's just a matter of time and circumstance. Why not choose your own time? I find it stupid that the same people who don't give a shit about your life are the same people who try to stop you from taking it calling it ""selfish"". ",3.1239344262295106,4.811458114754103,3.8696393442622967,89.04872131147543,74.40983606557377,6.191475409836067,22.036065573770493,6.742157984588678,0.5018891803278689,239,6,48,2,5,76,49,61,0.162,0.775,0.062,-0.8144,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,10,7,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,1,1,4,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507413681551017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548496173290151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346404389653972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443484291000795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355608529413845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714543139939602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344432065972207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34047690420408705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520609491256936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20529682436034025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26859973412361704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462846327585336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28637276979890963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671722799029753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431543792753257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kohli_007,2019/04/05,Please Help me and reply This could be long please have patience while reading this So i used to be happy go lucky kid having a carefree attitude with no worries pass my high school well and got into a university studying computer science well everything was going perfect...then the problem starts i notice a pain on my right hip although i wasn't worried about this and move on with time...one day i remember in 2016 March while masturbating i try to lower down my penis and heard a pop and got scared there was no blood but slight pain i told my parents about this they taken me to a hospital doctor inspect and not find anything suspicious so they sent me home...in 2018 June i was sleeping and heard that same pop sound while i was sleeping and observe something wrong with my right testicle..they done several ultrasound maybe 5-6 times doesn't find anything...In 26 dec 2018 that horrible  day changed everything i was going penile ultrasound with sildenafil citrate(viagra) nothing was wrong while returning home as i open my house door i notice dizziness like something felt wrong in my head and after that there is spark in my eyes like flashlight got myself light senstivity and change in visual perception gone to opthamologist they said everything is fine....now i am having depression light senstivity change of visual perception penis and testicle pain i screwed my life now i am feeling suicidal i know my parents cant take this i am still worried what next i cant bear the pain please reply...i am losing my mind and feeling a bit odd ,6.0310622710622726,7.807588566433567,5.771078921078924,77.94383449883453,67.18181818181819,8.944122544122543,32.5001665001665,9.362217197678863,3.1070697968697965,1254,54,213,25,21,389,159,286,0.207,0.682,0.112,-0.9905,3,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,1,10,18,1,1,8,0,23,13,6,1,0,35,43,21,1,2,2,2,3,2,0,0,6,4,2,1,9,18,0,0,9,1,0,7,7,12,2,0,19,10,35,6,21,21,2,35,0,2,1,1,12,12,1,1,18,126,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909652650954654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166867774301027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664733833871935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703969153615127,0.0,0.0,0.10830171892561076,0.0,0.07231943991515212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594233962934884,0.0,0.08592595113777653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22638857536796686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491105070899617,0.0,0.08062013427961065,0.0,0.15348605679319224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315873991680012,0.0,0.2014648589684042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938293223997905,0.0,0.0,0.0861729197518669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628036527944515,0.08871425621433576,0.16844866647330625,0.0,0.0,0.09688501780474268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614529255541744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930737960751739,0.08204269233878997,0.0,0.0,0.07430690519891824,0.0,0.09393601801293736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435472122878339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478131033400499,0.0,0.0,0.08924213434516233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929835788469492,0.0,0.0,0.08056724848602649,0.19119076222153766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35738123250119097,0.0,0.1864677028073333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27650701136602274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034373014503925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398831261110919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511664573016193,0.14341231072307506,0.0798705043304406,0.0,0.08406420383588789,0.08497766012277684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948572172176964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805245855009882,0.0,0.0,0.12928162724708347,0.0,0.0,0.059431277004019976,0.0,0.06705502890022727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184472765412904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313167428143084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792202190950276,0.0,0.0,0.08023271982653585,0.0,0.05700712418789351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251931096273674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099029913718015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558133983002589,0.0,0.0,0.2754095756596301,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadness95x,2019/04/05,"Don’t want to live anymore I’m really struggling. I’m completely alone, recently been sexually assaulted and can’t tell my family about it because it was by a family member. Contacting the police would just create chaos and I’m not ready to tell my mum. Don’t think I ever will be. 
I’ve spoken to one person about this but as a professional she is only available Monday to Friday. 
I just want you the pain and loneliness to stop but the only way that is possible is through death.  No one really cares about me anyway.",2.833235294117649,5.221405460784318,4.931137254901961,77.87611764705883,77.72549019607844,8.785882352941178,22.945098039215694,9.3871,2.355538039215687,415,13,75,12,10,143,69,102,0.244,0.68,0.076,-0.959,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,0,7,4,1,1,5,0,11,1,0,0,1,14,18,6,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,0,7,1,11,13,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,51,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772866097342173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933474978997844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637901018473885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464889075371794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001690221080445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269206103335175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599522434825279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857999156552245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587356626064108,0.2903964211470061,0.20314527180629552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666981791046412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152261242984811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446079696973724,0.0,0.1885039076755944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961211464508998,0.0,0.19958409204367492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337333770163516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232957016064665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521128822487485,0.15153813617739706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561937095112242,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thethrowaway23929499,2019/04/05,"Thought about suicide today, then I thought about my mom and bawled my eyes out I can't bear the thought of my mom finding my body if I were to commit suicide at home. I can't bear the thought of my mom getting the phone call saying your son has been found deceased in the woods if I were to commit suicide in nature. I can't bear the thought of her day-to-day life without me. Today is the second time in the last few months where I seriously contemplated taking my own life, and like last time, I broke down and cried when I thought of her.

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It's so hard to live through life sometimes. I have no friends, no social life, no motivation, but I want to stay strong for her. I just hope I don't slip up.",5.636275510204079,4.908438299319727,5.543596938775512,88.04559948979593,67.36734693877551,8.166326530612245,31.980442176870746,6.6274283507984215,1.5539666666666667,558,20,126,3,8,174,82,147,0.133,0.742,0.126,0.2304,0,0,0,0,0,5,19.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,7,0,10,6,2,1,2,22,21,9,3,4,5,4,1,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,9,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,10,3,24,4,20,11,2,18,0,1,1,0,13,8,0,3,10,79,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846163435077092,0.13285086064855592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144367442410248,0.0,0.0,0.11164062770635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200965325152838,0.14102073563206852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992785365257467,0.0,0.0,0.11987735829982145,0.0844699585914094,0.0,0.05712167834777378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794037569087062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966933442036614,0.10859176514547604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824103386018633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30889889407598903,0.05341429915253023,0.0,0.09654253233458708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38414643632064094,0.0872680967319753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694553083806265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145063641791372,0.0,0.0,0.10813256170407623,0.0,0.0,0.11653381548984527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35877577529333443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220437530605253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207863865911894,0.12750522984536033,0.0,0.20726870568928346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448709563232266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539255397637952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285086064855592,0.0
suicidewatch,HonorableDisdain,2019/04/05,"21th Century standards of life are insufficient for me. This is why I am going to kill myself. I have been thinking about this for years, but I always end up with the same answer. Why live? Because you are told life is worth it and you believe it (when you are a kid), and because you experience pleasure and you want to repeat that said experience. That's why you slave away everyday, that's why you tolerate life no matter how bad it gets. But why? Every reason to live is fabricated, there is no actual reason to keep living if you don't count what you can come up with (which is invented by you or others). But, in order to see this clearly, you need to experience some sort of depression, or maybe the amount of pleasure that you get from things you would like needs to be severely decreased.

Once this happens, you start to see how pointless life is. Life is a punishment. You don't matter, you just die after some decades and noone will ever remember you existed. There is nothing after that. If you are unlucky, you may even suffer from different illnesses and die earlier than you are supposed to. We, as human beings, have barely scratched the surface with technology, and we (us) won't see any of that because our life spans are very limited. Most of the stuff that will make life worth it doesn't even exist yet, and we will never see it.

We entertain ourselves with low quality content, maybe because there is nothing better. We are supposed to think we are gifted and that we are lucky, yet this is so far from the truth. We are very unlucky.

And we can't escape our fate. I understand not killing yourself when you are in your 20s, but what if you already think you have lived enough? What if life is just repetition of the same things over and over again and you don't want any of those things for you? What if what life offers you is simply not enough? Why do I have to find a job just so I don't live in poverty, if my life is supposed to be precious and important, then why make me a slave for the economy? What's the point of living if we are going to get old and die after awhile, is 40 years of life such a big difference?

I just don't get it. Why am I supposed to live if life doesn't meet my own standards?",3.773542780748663,5.298677204545456,4.4752406417112285,86.02697860962569,72.4090909090909,7.6310160427807485,26.12299465240642,8.219915518859313,1.5549692513368991,1750,58,354,27,34,560,189,440,0.127,0.767,0.106,-0.9498,3,0,0,0,0,1,53.0,13,27,0,2,21,15,3,0,13,0,52,13,0,6,4,84,78,35,5,13,20,0,1,1,0,6,13,1,0,2,32,28,0,2,9,1,2,3,14,7,0,0,3,6,53,8,49,66,9,38,0,3,4,0,46,14,0,16,21,260,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.058782538249840026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647293187993035,0.0,0.0501219374705207,0.0,0.0,0.08192633351816106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056594563066011024,0.0,0.05029530663479366,0.14687945336588315,0.0,0.0,0.06786637386991888,0.0,0.05327465484737005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188876719799648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051881965290120895,0.0,0.1875492179428213,0.12586950756753254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335202605524774,0.1244816678755489,0.0,0.07957182645425838,0.054487736845635716,0.05075219758001285,0.0,0.0,0.17676977974032124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505544761135181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258852043668335,0.0,0.06846805214987765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053267303630067216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059775841892802335,0.05354133639505173,0.13328643978664134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105653606590881,0.029428713228580705,0.0,0.37233208718618394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041721495290452,0.0,0.12103215190781967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932981613087287,0.04645842114203915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559788611130532,0.0,0.0632085077282797,0.06415034690610731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694335350314344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386715894467502,0.0,0.0,0.06823668045652351,0.0,0.05729909880715444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920040844868056,0.0,0.0,0.06805056644492725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263599737895784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895685434716523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005618609673735,0.11579214564007816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057558952199520376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270875127229501,0.07245759010712259,0.0,0.0,0.0994035242354926,0.07105858447710384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43483556110254695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042790575034762426,0.0,0.0,0.07758119463649768
suicidewatch,anotherthrowawayks,2019/04/05,"Feel like a fraud I'm 24 years old and have recently been put out of work, I have enough money saved up to 'buy me some time' off work, but it just feels like life is really fucking me up right now.

​

My mother was recently diagnosed with a serious anxiety illness, which has put a strain on my parents marriage and things are not looking good. I find it hard to get the motivation to get up in the morning and do simple tasks like cleaning the flat or showering.  I woke up this morning wishing it was someone else that could have been born. Someone that's good to their friends and family orientated, outgoing etc.

​

I go into deep thoughts about how much I  hate myself, the person I've grown to become and what a general let down I am to my friends and family, but usually during these moments I have spouts and thoughts of being a fraud, and that I'm just feeling sorry for myself. How thousands of people lose their jobs and get back on their feet, how lots of people have their parents marriages ending, even at younger ages than myself.

​

I don't know, I don't have the motivation to get out of bed, I don't have the motivation to go see a doctor. I doubt I'll ever have the motivation or confidence to go seek another job, and even if I did my social anxiety will let me down in the interview. I am a total waste of life.

​

Sorry for bad English, I'm a native speaker I'm just shit at life.",7.5670721857647685,6.317248879858661,7.8462216052498786,74.81290636042405,63.734982332155475,11.053912165572944,36.11534578495709,10.125756701596842,3.472567087329632,1135,45,219,21,14,373,151,283,0.171,0.698,0.131,-0.9121,6,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,4,7,12,16,3,2,16,0,27,9,2,7,2,46,50,18,0,3,9,3,4,3,2,1,6,1,3,1,11,14,0,0,11,0,2,6,4,8,0,1,8,7,27,8,36,37,6,37,0,1,2,1,14,18,2,6,16,151,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426773973589149,0.3843015286209646,0.0,0.08290892207647421,0.12097248367043227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607978467835499,0.06601786420815257,0.0,0.08732358295357054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631287778904453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025161032114134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092869679927901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605055479295661,0.0,0.07003012899236524,0.08169762146879146,0.08818090173065543,0.10444636657245944,0.07152086850179888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907516256968786,0.0,0.11993635571313725,0.11297134081275755,0.0,0.0,0.0722660484151593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221743466724808,0.07309641305623811,0.1652375317651594,0.0,0.13480724759018686,0.13263574227730338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082873966334796,0.0780625555209945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569241218335486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345330143486227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170327227564082,0.16754264415827438,0.11588481652089692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639658957877344,0.08845604568233721,0.0,0.06722016181633657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812353787736976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296779479456994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755896831344744,0.0,0.0,0.1096305730626772,0.06903848663274571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896888108488588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050652515033215904,0.0,0.15613877224312786,0.0,0.0,0.06752301288193162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300637388047903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116141200228995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059912019404962,0.1339868752700845,0.0,0.0,0.17701866121218088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252877800729089,0.0,0.0,0.1255411541150588,0.04610475846517601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708142261692248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092345345343232,0.0,0.0,0.1151238222158951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843015286209646,0.050916726781375266
suicidewatch,Faggnito,2019/04/05,"What do I do with him? My best friend is gonna supposedly kill himself this week. Idk if it already happened or not but I feel like I have to do something here. We've been friends for 11 years now, and with how close I am to him I already know that any attempt to convince him to not do it wouldn't work. I can't be there for him because of small reasons like not having a car or him not wanting to meet up. So I was wondering if calling his parents (who are very abusive, so he'd be in trouble) would be any good. I don't see any other choices but to call people who are the closest to him to help... which is me actually, so I don't really know what to do.",4.239527972027972,3.4318258461538487,5.574256993006995,86.93523164335664,70.25874125874124,8.268881118881119,31.86101398601399,7.1686216300943375,1.7248888111888112,508,20,120,4,8,172,90,143,0.106,0.79,0.104,-0.1077,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,1,0,2,0,23,0,0,2,0,23,31,11,1,5,10,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,2,20,7,16,22,1,9,0,0,1,0,18,5,0,5,5,89,30,1,0.0,0.20256023104084125,0.166832781881542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37731831511652025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34877699748429186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421593102241206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941249219582406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491395600774785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644276311681945,0.12213421186763232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641673088755846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339355213430818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117980122195662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145912161810926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891424579369243,0.0,0.1879108342208589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670453247272498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898313980114728,0.0,0.0,0.11852248137693082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952167086250264,0.17577586240552912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623338027445414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161374151141633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106031289897253,0.10083692945083103,0.0,0.13713419700085885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539936426264506,0.12446127657130494,0.0,0.0,0.12144543063142915,0.0,0.0,0.11009295369220892
suicidewatch,_throwaway_20,2019/04/05,I wish I had the energy to end it all Always when I think it's getting better it's getting worse. And I don't even know why I'm here. I shouldn't be alive anymore...,-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210551,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,86.89473684210527,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.5071263157894741,128,3,32,1,4,45,28,38,0.147,0.639,0.214,0.3434,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,10,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827783469401917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370350192832897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005653730047652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010018865030171,0.0,0.0,0.2244644828522551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551100754636447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676997879161047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21775901721022772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066573424852872,0.0,0.3908050921887649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463311898424686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReZzyks,2019/04/05,I don't know I think i'm gonna do it if i jump from my window head first i should die without much pain or only a little bit but it would be worth it,-0.4968468468468466,0.2343548108108137,2.2956756756756747,100.57072072072071,81.97297297297297,4.933333333333334,15.036036036036036,3.1291,-1.3788126126126132,116,1,33,0,3,41,30,37,0.075,0.7959999999999999,0.129,0.1904,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,8,9,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,2,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551835805247952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376482879754211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767313598375389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338894695039684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879662538764046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260729944373768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391600197200839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24743333593991004,0.346181348137249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846271802792932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31361311534342473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311099650606304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monwoo101,2019/04/05,"Cried today thinking about suicide I hate everything about myself. Nothing gets better. I’m the lowest of the low and no matter what I do I doubt I’ll be able to change myself or my situation. I’m a burden to my family and while they don’t want to see me hurt I’m sure they would be better off without me. Being in my 20’s I have an entire life of misery ahead of me but I don’t want to live through it barely hanging on. Every day I feel sorry for myself and wish I could be normal. I can’t and I never will be! I fantasize about how I’ll kill myself and what I might write as a goodbye letter. I even think about where I’d do it to minimize the mess. Suicide has always been my way out, like when my like has completely stopped moving it always comforts me to think about my back up plan. I honestly don’t see a route in my life that doesn’t end with me killing my self, it’s all just a matter of time until I feel like I can’t handle life anymore. Basically life is me pretending I’m okay until I am unable to do so anymore and I have the guts to end it.",0.7737509881422929,2.562136517391305,3.211620553359687,90.65754940711464,81.65217391304348,5.74703557312253,19.58498023715415,6.7829847944221076,0.19839130434782604,829,21,184,9,22,287,123,230,0.205,0.665,0.13,-0.9603,1,0,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,2,4,12,17,3,1,9,1,25,5,1,1,3,33,41,15,4,6,4,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,5,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,1,4,37,9,31,31,1,24,0,2,2,0,5,8,0,3,16,129,45,0,0.1207577901478947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096031021584715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395185584810676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928552866901911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360090421617234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277457300649108,0.0,0.12661224545696545,0.0,0.0,0.09641526928227884,0.0,0.1326467621284793,0.07787878460266784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139111185199594,0.0,0.0,0.07975938149884129,0.0,0.10174364644038364,0.0,0.10852931527766944,0.0,0.11383969738333365,0.0,0.12211753412878396,0.08626938941020335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309096125828935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922331720853213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927371192534287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26720120608708603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34117919365435073,0.17698846966402032,0.0,0.10663134108586576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810493215157848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283464201140342,0.0,0.0,0.09313585224367893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831699503839815,0.11587035650251548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245664836815285,0.0,0.12597671141969205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357368156793033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517845948467258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095891973954586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26417884527870217,0.0,0.1138127881046465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213014782274466,0.0,0.0,0.07041483854366146,0.0,0.11446426522241712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245214671137313,0.09585191300693563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886549909140952,0.11640620045077987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578286941080421,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iduncan18,2019/04/05,What happens to the suicide note once the police have it? Hypothetically there is a suicide. The cops are going to seize everything. What happens to the suicide note? Will the family ever get to see it? What if it specifically states that the contents are to be shared with specific people?,4.007756410256408,7.131534519230776,5.036153846153848,74.39217948717952,78.80769230769229,7.3128205128205135,27.89743589743589,8.344100000000001,2.602143589743589,233,10,37,5,6,76,34,52,0.226,0.736,0.038,-0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,11,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,9,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061321547446654,0.0,0.0,0.2048054879723275,0.0,0.21482670109513669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905884667279212,0.0,0.12951049114783375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40303028572505534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426867034840489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798456258073634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159230840862176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7477971806167346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,banmeyoubitch,2019/04/05,I just got fired I have no clue how I'll survive. Might as well just end it. Fuck this life man. Hopefully the next one ( if there is one) will be better.,-0.7486363636363613,1.2814261818181834,0.8578030303030317,103.60670454545456,90.21212121212122,4.512121212121213,14.31060606060606,5.985473137389443,-1.0959030303030302,116,2,30,1,4,37,29,33,0.227,0.585,0.188,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,6,8,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,2,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28773236883126924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28815024485478863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007669644940689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26020011887491584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231310617410196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297937313195046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451290220161149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34599746262314296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409108305519479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29251523555243114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZiyaSharifli,2019/04/05,"My overdose experience. I overdosed on Stimuloton (formerly known as Sertaline or Zoloft).
My dosage is 25mg (half pill). I overdosed for 200 mg. 
I immediately felt sleepy and weak, I slept, woke up, my head was dizzy, went to the bathroom, washed my face and I started to see lights in my eyes, meaning that my blood pressure was dropping, and I collapsed, my heart stopped and I got a CPR from my mom. I'm only 15.

Do not overdose. Please. ",2.300952380952385,4.828527190476192,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,80.66666666666667,5.6380952380952385,28.380952380952376,6.937597516519254,1.4302952380952385,340,16,68,4,9,108,62,84,0.16,0.84,0.0,-0.8739,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,4,10,6,0,0,10,13,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,4,15,0,8,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822402987949101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27703659394468344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307659198159229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961177426910264,0.0,0.0,0.34191258192781165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142966443444093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379259548815936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944208367483645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167222072383312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22992316724756656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042248962011553,0.0,0.0,0.24122621676342604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674726591493798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bubblebird912,2019/04/05,Why is it so hard Why is it so hard to cimmit suicide. I have nothing anymore. I just broke up with my gf i also was staying at hers i can't go to family i have no money and i can't keep a job. I want to die but something i keepinge from kollonh myself and i dont know why.,-2.848906249999999,-1.222428078124997,0.9185000000000016,99.8765,103.21875,3.1850000000000005,17.3375,4.935628992294339,-0.7919512500000003,209,7,53,1,10,76,44,64,0.191,0.78,0.03,-0.7279,1,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,12,0,7,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,38,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013364899672784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098779511980692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207977326391754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24933782620750305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005588786132758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090898729465308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38115893635419457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111185080049614,0.18909925311610096,0.0,0.0,0.1169201529966022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20413642427748765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637829863059794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267599284160483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23271061931952866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548365577731035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5759130610747025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway28150,2019/04/05,"Runaway or kill myself I just want everything to be over with I can't take it anymore the constant abuse from my family and everyone else I literally have no one to go I have no friends no nothing.Sometimes I feel like killing myself but I don't want to traumatize my mother even though she does berate me in life every chance she gets but she's the only person who ever showed the slightest of affection towards me when I was hurt, But other times I just wanna runaway from this house I'd rather just live on the street and die from starvation ",3.158888888888889,5.414581555555557,4.027555555555558,85.42300000000003,76.03703703703705,6.912592592592592,25.61481481481481,7.908726449838941,1.5933525925925929,440,16,83,7,10,141,77,108,0.191,0.6659999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.7741,1,0,0,0,1,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,1,17,12,8,3,4,8,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,1,17,2,13,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,62,21,0,0.0,0.2256940115449391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889102991588932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584701060407806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769373722677586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669502835513522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912608161367342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581378841978438,0.17230491998095473,0.16049213729790193,0.18201693127800245,0.17119596532838136,0.0,0.17957265128199487,0.0,0.09631512502042047,0.13608278427431122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147168522055893,0.0,0.09952074228492536,0.0,0.10825722382596473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197945385094805,0.20391852512862732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214876717498144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454544806207128,0.0930615285483124,0.0,0.1682020689502196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907781450650171,0.14487270523347046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632447513640392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883948987010037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322128981782234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715090596998493,0.0,0.11107354936389774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247064095720094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SOMEMORONGUY,2019/04/05,"SuicideWatch Birthday Lol It's my birthday and it sucks so badly... I'm not expecting any call, I'm not expecting any gift, I'm not expecting anything, I'm used to it.  I am just reminded that it was another year in which everything sucked. 

I wish I had a family, I wish things were different, I actually wish way too many things... xD

I am open for adoption hahaha. (:

​",1.6591171993911755,4.3124908630137,4.061004566210048,80.39400304414005,85.57534246575342,9.271841704718415,27.28919330289193,9.444778638647367,3.3758353120243534,295,14,56,11,9,102,48,73,0.097,0.639,0.264,0.9273,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,13,15,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,7,0,3,12,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,31,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.17900608183520608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875172660013946,0.2228935813601088,0.24948415633022175,0.1923475728514019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150951360695995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531605480717594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873076261100566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916505142771046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485953406597026,0.0,0.17292617594436235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597428071505465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24373210268571316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584289286242001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560215069288931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6328235302915974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228935813601088,0.11812611439938756
suicidewatch,Namestop,2019/04/05,"What do you do if your friend is suicidal? So much like the title suggests. What is kinda the process? I know to give them plenty of comfort and make time for them. I know to get them into therapy. Though is there any more I can do? Like if they are saying risky things do you call suicide hotline or wait for an incident or right before? 

What things can you do to help?",1.3439000000000014,3.6218473066666697,2.3835833333333305,94.671375,82.6,5.3500000000000005,20.041666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.14676666666666627,288,8,62,3,8,91,51,75,0.12,0.713,0.166,0.477,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,4,4,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,0,11,17,7,2,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,7,17,2,3,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,5,3,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596500714798435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997700024127731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397240477075369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138092555770288,0.0,0.1226564220096859,0.2252105488776707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573598257875155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580443521068068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293912576698543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670924798062813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258125595133916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004903141541107,0.0,0.18669668032863745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.513595470512484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268477299852934,0.0,0.3119384267769071,0.0,0.23065805152888816,0.0,0.13689492091896868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwant2break3,2019/04/05,"My life has ended before it really began, I’m searching for reasons to stay alive Some info, 2 years ago I (M19) became chronically ill with an unknown stomach condition. I've pretty much had all the tests, tried all the medications, diets, therapy and it keeps getting worse. Nobody knows what's wrong with me. It all began when I was having a party with my friends, drank a load and the next day I had my first 'epidsode'. Before this, I was in great physical shape, had good mental health and was really happy with life.

So, these episodes consist of crippling stomach (and entire inside) pain, hot flashes, dry heaving, panic, faintness, sweating, very painful diarrhoea and trembling. They happen after I eat, but not every time. Over the course of my illness, the selection of foods I can eat without having pain, feeling sick or having an episode has shrunk so much.  I now eat three small, bland meals per day, if that.

This illness has taken everything from me. I met the love of my life 2 years ago and she meant everything to me. She left me three weeks ago because my illness and depression was too much for her. I'd changed, I wasn't the same happy, funny, motivated person she fell for. We were gonna move in together. We'd planned our life together.

I'm worryingly underweight and I don't have the energy to do anything anymore. I hate how horribly skinny I am. 

Everyday is like I'm floating through life. I sometimes get glimpses of how wonderful my life used to be from time to time. How amazing it felt to wake up. To see my friends. To play guitar. Now I feel nothing. It's like I don't have emotions anymore and have this great empty void inside of me. I no longer find any enjoyment in talking to people or socialising. All I do now is watch Netflix and disassociate from reality.
I'm in my first year of university and couldn't feel more lonely. Everybody goes out clubbing and drinking and I can't do that. I can't even go out to a cafe without being preoccupied about suddenly being in agony. I don’t even enjoy going out anymore. I don't enjoy doing anything.

There's so much I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to travel the world. Meet great people. See amazing things. Write an album. Try new foods. Now I’ve got to accept that it’s never going to happen. My life feels like some sort of living hell where I don't know when I'm next going to be in excruciating pain. 

There's only a couple reasons that are stopping me from ending it. Firstly, I know it would hurt my family so damn much. I don't know what my mum would do but it would break her. Also, my ex would blame herself. Honestly, I couldn't wish for a better, more supportive group of people.

For all I know it could ruin the rest of the lives of the people I love. I just hope if I did they would understand that I don't have any quality of life. I'm constantly in pain, it's probably going to get worse and I can’t feel anything.

Secondly, actually going ahead and killing myself scares me so much, I'd be worse off if it goes wrong. If it doesn't then I'm permanently ending my existence and getting rid of any chance that things will get better. 

Honestly, I just want some control over my illness and I want to be able to feel happiness again. I mean it could happen, but I've already lost so much. Nothing will ever be the same again and I don't know if I even want to live knowing what I had is gone forever.

TLDR: all things considered, the pros outweigh the cons and I'm really considering ending my life towards the end of this month. I guess I'm looking for any reasons not to do it. Thanks.

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suicidewatch,touchfaith195,2019/04/05,"My Best friend is suicidal and it's Killing me idk what to do? I've known her for a year and she changed my life. She means the world to me. I'm depressed myself but I'm improving, on the other hand she keeps getting worse. Today she texted me saying she wants to do it today but is scared, I called her and tried my best to comfort her.. I'm still worried and idk what to do.. should i convince her to seek therapy? How can I do that? Please I'm desperate..",0.16816307403936293,2.302362742268045,1.8387816307403924,97.58557638238052,86.5257731958763,5.176757263355202,20.158388003748826,6.574015621080383,0.07012164948453625,354,11,83,4,11,115,57,97,0.177,0.5920000000000001,0.231,0.8604,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,1,1,3,0,8,2,1,1,0,12,16,7,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,19,5,8,15,2,6,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,0,4,54,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.421912700062172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526220427564595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126507537189288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313680500849948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553062738159348,0.0,0.10502378793882024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786743402546027,0.22239701413171986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198520108450702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896790700651286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065777687866064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985785532018995,0.2012544301339292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053350906974492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198814415815188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298819951222365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810837710358247,0.0,0.0,0.1364782602878911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856582741223726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20414388584884446,0.2048548658672936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294492227982681
suicidewatch,ZumbiRS95,2019/04/05,"I have no reason, but I still feel lost and sad. 23M. I'm not sure why I'm posting here, actually, but I feel like I really need to talk to someone.

​

I have an acceptable life, in a family that lives a financial condition far above the majority of Brazilians, which means that I do not face problems with debt, hunger, evictions and so on. Also, taking some trouble with one or another person in my family, I have a really nice family. I mean, I do not have aggressive or physically violent people in my life.

​

Individually, however, my life has been going through some problems. I have a degree in media, an area that, at least in my country, does not offer great employment opportunities. I've been working as a freelancer for the past five years, and until then I've made enough money so that I do not have to depend on my mother for everything (my father has already passed away). But I earn a little more than a minimum wage in my country, which makes my plans to leave home a bit hard, and now the place that hired me in the last five years has been facing some technical problems, they needed to decrease the workflow, and I do not know what the next months will be like.

​

My mother is a good person, I live with her and we spend a lot of time together, although we do not talk much. I'm sure she loves me a lot, despite having a somewhat strong personality. Motivated by her, I started to study to take a public exam (in my country, you need to do a test to work in the public service, and this type of work guarantees you stability - that is, you are never fired, unless that you kill someone or do something really bad). That is how she got out of unemployment and the total lack of money for the situation she is in today. And she was exactly my age when she began to study like crazy for it. And she charges me to study like crazy for this as well. She wants my life to be resumed in studies and work (when they send me work) until I get through it and secure my place in the public service.  


And I really would like to try to have her life. The problem is that studying for me is really complicated. Although I graduated from high school and college, I never really gave my all in my studies. And those tests for the public service are really very hard (like 10k people or more for 1 position). All this makes me spend hours thinking about how my life will be if I never get sucess in this tests. Will I need to be a freelancer all my life? What if I can not get another job? Unemployment really is something very strong around here.

​

Now, I really feel like an idiot for thinking about suicide in the last few days. I live a really good life, I have a car, I have a girlfriend who accompanies me in everything I want to do, and yet I am so sad and desperate to the point of thinking about taking my own life. Okay, if it's up only to me, I might not be able to keep my lifestyle for a long time if I get fired, but so far I've actually got some good things in my life.

​

Even so, in all those times when suicide becomes an option for me, it is not my accomplishments that drive me away from this thoughts. It's my little brothers, whom I love too much, or my grandparents, who love me regardless of who I am, and never charged me anything in this life, even though they gave me everything. If I have not yet taken a step towards hurting myself, it's because I can not bear the thought of imagining my 9-year-old brother going to look for me to play FIFA, and suddenly I'm not there anymore. I feel like I'm important to him as well as to my sister, and I can not give them the burden of a trauma.

​

I know I'll never lack food, or a house (even if it's with my mother). The problem is that I feel like everyone in my family expects me to be better right now. With a decent job, and not praying that my freelance will not end in the coming months. I'm really afraid of having to ask my mother for money in the next few months, which would be like admitting that I've failed in my life so far.

​

Everyone around me has comfortable jobs. Those who are not retired are working in the public service, with the certainty that they will never be fired, will never need to look for a job again, and will never need to ask for money from anyone. In my family, including my girlfriend's family, I'm the only one who still owes something. The only one who is not yet guaranteed.

​

I swear I feel really bad when I think of all the people who are in worse situations than mine. I swear I think about it. Somehow, I try to force myself not to feel bad, being that I have so many things that many people dont. But in the last few days this is really becoming harder, and I needed to share it with someone.

​

Thank you to those who read to the end.",6.953250576381179,5.937626869246866,7.484879173426695,76.1495068738793,64.82635983263599,10.64926991717189,32.480915378703784,9.858887515219184,2.887231645461531,3781,124,748,68,49,1253,327,956,0.132,0.7390000000000001,0.129,-0.7787,17,0,3,0,0,3,151.0,2,5,5,16,40,54,4,1,54,1,70,19,2,8,17,150,137,65,3,26,37,8,12,10,2,10,12,0,1,3,52,36,2,2,23,2,9,8,29,21,2,5,14,14,120,33,121,104,27,106,1,5,2,3,64,48,0,23,59,552,172,32,0.03274575917833592,0.0,0.06391027465101205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036135759528178636,0.0261867717841983,0.0,0.3193201474982396,0.35810713443266706,0.0,0.06867356730764952,0.0,0.0,0.032474994056936,0.02289659619431676,0.0,0.026946969684265864,0.05830133634564304,0.06122572895836674,0.0,0.061531437345045764,0.0,0.08202402336790755,0.01996151085996541,0.07233023661766758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028960962937344382,0.03574988794547215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028207572024464306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04223661136191994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02865603452673878,0.0,0.038377785879321016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058006046351496476,0.033835122724408924,0.0,0.06488479531404241,0.0,0.0,0.06257995236716124,0.08828933067224272,0.0,0.1852187247323988,0.0,0.11590067818379025,0.09357430759966097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039596301979095895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843323055724808,0.031412716029766835,0.0372203391347294,0.08239676756030079,0.052379549993890745,0.03610231509680052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058667536602397964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034597692438846576,0.03284666638187704,0.0,0.032247976659783684,0.03778420956201396,0.03505501246430892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998045292387034,0.02910593533445535,0.03622833084297365,0.0,0.035992425737655896,0.08007649274580382,0.0,0.03467303085548757,0.0,0.0,0.27755157737769304,0.1599792388234939,0.06563970663259311,0.08674531585376892,0.02897896642387977,0.054996380959222615,0.0,0.035745864350521614,0.055678546907983066,0.0886629784147334,0.030984829093874906,0.043716097053052905,0.0663981203133956,0.0,0.07133946298691786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03473807571880103,0.0,0.0,0.07841205769014634,0.0,0.04814380154283647,0.16996395857509694,0.20204438552281725,0.0,0.06965097275739715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034361165828067725,0.0,0.06656812165844686,0.07471387630663831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03125953239560518,0.09080714535465252,0.08577700155513368,0.06842469752359273,0.0,0.030955326788270076,0.0,0.03136138552895865,0.0,0.0,0.15666634561146034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03275462064582234,0.0,0.2727110338254545,0.033668094233819036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027964699418510475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03314045650112295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361521061995235,0.0,0.0,0.08323612646339708,0.07562785568559069,0.0,0.0,0.023177616887923698,0.0,0.052301611158481205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163709137863902,0.0,0.06172498099087985,0.0,0.07386220692628975,0.05263960168046895,0.0,0.03014789551991715,0.0,0.0,0.04350965471176798,0.10491080132836793,0.03217254213341461,0.0519929501016082,0.057282946533922074,0.0,0.031039150839940983,0.0,0.0,0.04446444198800948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403736147091398,0.03862859435349585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888474021781229,0.0,0.02954795438142545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430358160916285,0.0,0.03337072615119605,0.04652329559712146,0.0,0.35810713443266706,0.06326158589688431
suicidewatch,AnonymousCP84,2019/04/05,"17 Year Relationship Ended by Suicide My life partner of 17 years lost his battle with depression 7 weeks ago. He hung himself in our garage and I found him. His depression has always been manageable with a few dark clouds here and there. I never saw this coming in a million years. 😔 We had a beautiful life together. 
My reason for posting in this thread is now I’m having similar feelings that I don’t want to live anymore. I’ve done a bunch of research and there is a term for what I’m feeling called “Widowhood Effect”.  I am wanting to end my life but don’t even know where to start. I have looked up a lot of different methods but the one that stands out most for me is Inert gas asphyxiation with nitrogen (suicide bag) or charcoal burning. I hate that my life has come to this but I miss my partner too much to care anymore. I just want it all to end but don’t know where to begin. Sigh! ",3.017500000000002,4.763005750000001,4.233333333333333,86.08500000000002,74.83333333333334,7.2444444444444445,27.0,8.021203637495839,1.661566666666666,705,27,143,11,15,231,115,180,0.104,0.8290000000000001,0.067,-0.8122,1,1,1,0,0,4,14.0,2,0,0,2,9,8,2,0,7,0,14,4,0,2,2,30,34,8,2,3,6,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,6,1,2,6,4,20,1,22,28,7,24,0,4,2,0,11,7,0,3,13,97,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806636356876354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082612459573216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641806591232034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360035688666595,0.0,0.1357977664268142,0.0,0.0,0.2294656299743537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294355501678757,0.0,0.0,0.13915692840771882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630130360608098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539048120702392,0.0,0.0,0.0879718302800676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134691402875959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603777218063455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149918203726316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463972978431702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763088122704022,0.0,0.0,0.1176106692938442,0.0,0.11184744287963257,0.0,0.14539442237453631,0.11323477993086485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791118977562052,0.0,0.10272561337112933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025411072434088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756078546976155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369432017526846,0.0,0.14299798914235887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427373713481878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913800997915192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567966246778624,0.0,0.10683830959540372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573131719457328
suicidewatch,Vuvux,2019/04/05,"Pretty sure its coming That's it, I've started shifting my finances, telling those that need telling to fuck off fuck off.",2.676811594202899,5.64890943478261,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,85.08695652173913,3.066666666666667,29.40579710144928,3.1291,0.6673014492753628,99,5,18,0,3,28,19,23,0.237,0.5760000000000001,0.18600000000000005,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,1,9,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698424969860716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5792006575626808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232275518785038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31869419463278026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172436570575946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29524028127183594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475994893594139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,captainjawz,2019/04/05,"When i close my eyes When I close my eyes I listen to all the hurtful things my ""friends"" have said to me.
When I stare into the celling I just watch shadows and eyes moving from corner to corner avoiding direct eye contact.
When I cut my wrists I feel nothing anymore.
",2.7100000000000013,4.927347169811323,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,77.30188679245283,4.24,25.69433962264151,3.1291,0.32543320754717,212,8,41,0,5,65,34,53,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.7845,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,1,5,5,0,1,8,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,9,12,1,5,3,1,10,0,1,6,0,5,5,0,0,4,28,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926719202121005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020213432315975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30590680554614896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238682548574432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42082781023843197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799207516281023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37663520361378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26304884973160425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,painfully98,2019/04/05,"Logic isnt working anymore I have spent most of my life listening to the tiny little voice of logic in the back of my head. When the bid voice that shouts of how horrible things are, I would listen to the little voice of logic say you know that's a lie. I would fight against the darkness with everything I had. Everyday of my life has been a battle. I am in constant physical pain. I have had many surgeries and am at a point now where doctors just ignore me.

 My life is falling apart. In the last two years everything has gone to shit. Financially I have screwed everything up. My husband resents me even though he won't admit it. We are in so much debt we are going to lose everything. I blame myself for everything. I am the one that has put us in this position. 

In the past I would have held on to the love from him to get me through but that it gone. I would have used the logic of knowing my children need me, but lately my being around them just causes them pain. All they see is someone broken. I have no happiness. I have nothing. The logic is gone And how is that fair to them? They deserve better. They deserve more. I am in so much pain. 
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suicidewatch,baldee98,2019/04/05,Feeling at the lowest rn Drunk lonely and confused sorry but I don't think I'm able to write something more at the moment,3.4716000000000022,5.116423560000001,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,73.4,5.0,24.5,3.1291,0.4169999999999998,99,3,18,0,2,32,22,25,0.318,0.632,0.049,-0.5859,1,2,1,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,1,0,0.5336085969024971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980853973829216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107979676528745,0.0,0.5973311370530635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34191484272432665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,doopadroop,2019/04/05,"How Death Works Reality is physics right? Matter is made of neutrons and protons inside electron clouds interacting with photons and etc within the scalar higgs field. Right? Thats the model that allows us to post words on the internet for strangers to see. Thats the model that lets engineers develop airplanes, sattelites and self driving cars.

Now, what does it mean for a human brain? A brain is a biological device, made of the same matter as the dust and air around it. So what does a brain DO?

The brain is a collection of matter that experiences self awareness. The ability to OBSERVE energy interactions inside of the dimensions of space and time. 

This ability to observe is a fundamental force akin to gravity or time itself. Understanding that awareness is beyond matter is the goal of every religion.  The primary divide in the world is between beings who know Truth, and those who do not yet know Truth.

The ""soul"" is the single point of awareness that the brain amplifies. The brain ""tunes in"" to the force of awareness and you experience your life from your perspective. Emotional rollercoaster it may be. 

At death the higgs boson of your soul is released from the quantum trap of the pineal gland. (This is not something you will read anywhere else. Its a new model the world will see soon, along with supersymmetry and a uniting of all religions and mythologies.)

This is EXPERIENCED. Becuase awareness is an eternal force. ""You"" are a single point of awareness in an infinite field, you can end your own rebirths which is a timeless existence as the field itself. Or you can become trapped lifetme to lifetime in these bodies.

Suicide will not set your soul free. Suicide is running away from something that keeps you from seeing your path through, and thus, you WILL have to try again.

When someone commits suicide, what they experience is a failed attempt. They may feel pain and then a black unconsciousness. Then. They wake up in an alternate universe. Everyone else in the old universe sees a dead body and mourns. Misunderstanding their own impending deaths.

The way to go is to live a full life. Help your fellow man, learn to lucid dream, and exit your body in a dream when your ready. Thats a peaceful death and the path to ending rebirth as more beings (who ultimately have to independantly find this Truth) 



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suicidewatch,justhereals,2019/04/05,"I tried to strangle myself yesterday and it was... 
The most painful and scariest moment of my life. I've never opened up to a counselor before but I'm planning to now.. I need help.
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suicidewatch,Misrablethrowaway,2019/04/05,"constant repeat my life and feelings keep on repeating themselves, i either feel huge amounts of anxiety and paranoia or heavily depressed and useless 

its to the point i cant even remember the last time i felt like i could survive? i have no memory of wanting to be alive or not hating myself  

if i was to ever commit, it probably would be seen as selfish - if i was to ever do it, it woukd be due to not being able to bare myself, i hate myself so much 

ive been trying since 2012 to like and love myself but its just impossible! i have so many people supporting me and giving me advice and it only makes me feel worse. im such a selfish horrible person, all these people going out their way to help me and i cant even show to them that in trying - because i think i gave up tryibg years ago. 

my boyfriend keeps telling me that suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem, but this problem seems to never end or go away 

the unfortunate thing is i dont think id ever have the nerve or gut to end my life, which makes me feel even more guilty and worse... i feel like im constantly using others, that I'm going to have to deal with these thoughts and feelings for the rest of my life 

i know its horrible but i think im subconsciously ruining my own friendships and relationship, seriously hoping that the heartbreak of that will push me over the edge to just finally do it. to just kill myself 

i dont want to feel this way anymore, but it never leaves or lessens, i genuinely feel suicide is the only way out, and i would do anything to get the courage to be able to commit. ",8.367237196765497,5.916782713836478,8.630835579514828,73.64037735849058,63.0566037735849,11.601437556154535,36.86522911051213,9.957137785484203,3.435281401617252,1245,45,247,20,14,414,160,318,0.209,0.682,0.109,-0.9915,0,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,2,1,13,19,3,0,12,0,27,5,1,3,8,68,62,25,3,10,17,0,9,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,21,14,0,2,16,1,0,4,9,12,0,0,7,10,39,7,34,46,7,33,0,4,1,1,10,9,0,9,20,177,60,0,0.1704297026295491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327096646517093,0.07553782412063346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518912801249763,0.0,0.08451023459064662,0.0,0.0,0.07012456185616966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006215791160197,0.0,0.0,0.05194618242583229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841739622814526,0.0,0.06803712477928764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785276993396779,0.0733954265708705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974234218763887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095013031400073,0.0,0.0,0.16885081683901534,0.23124513496956545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446975139563749,0.06087750680600733,0.08181962073538049,0.09334870434630994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445212426986853,0.08174585024251826,0.14528869133761668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826404717636165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711771858431985,0.0,0.0,0.08463757492708186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613998708557824,0.0,0.0,0.15148575046896182,0.09427760734919524,0.0,0.046831853721711086,0.06946147729623925,0.0,0.09023022348914476,0.0,0.0,0.1805693087585272,0.12489501595199505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690973032150789,0.0,0.11376314991355373,0.08639448423339399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264272066281817,0.0,0.13144589332580262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296194687063024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815449670251114,0.074406321278021,0.0,0.0,0.0805555783665524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187602247805947,0.16307820838237916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148885954422284,0.09653181489715798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757640019098126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049060559355738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642243281665347,0.09670080343033084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448153604572336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661296073223161,0.1638067076928592,0.0,0.06765107335267144,0.0496894650813265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157105807859666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359827134972735,0.0,0.0,0.10052385429224207,0.20291874764648776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368242719634766,0.12106837088097948,0.0,0.0,0.05487557036806893
suicidewatch,DepressionAndSuch,2019/04/05,"I think I was set up to fail from the very start Been 24 years so far and my life was only truly good for a few months.
Every single time I try to have or do something good it gets ruined. I always end up abandoned. No one in my life seems to truly give a fuck about me. My ""significant other"" doesn't even answer me anymore. Doesn't matter whether I try or not, so I've given up on that too.
I've been varying degrees of sick mentally and physically my entire life.

Started to feel kind of better again recently with some adjustments to treatment just to end up in the ER with some problems no one can figure out. All of which no one even cared enough to ask about. 

I barely function at all now and it's making me fail at everything.
I don't really enjoy anything anymore. Nothing. At all. 
I feel punished and defeated. I haven't done anything to hurt anyone. Of all the truly awful people I know I've been the one to end up kicked down and broken spirited over and over. Its bullshit. I'm sick of it. I don't want to do any of it anymore.
I don't see the damned point anymore. ",1.2440144277636946,3.4013789775784744,3.1132774419964946,90.01095340222271,82.09417040358744,5.492610645349973,21.35484499902515,6.7026698264267655,0.4731085591733284,844,26,175,9,23,282,123,223,0.227,0.669,0.104,-0.9832,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,10,16,3,0,7,1,16,6,0,1,4,33,33,11,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,8,0,0,0,10,10,1,4,7,3,19,6,37,26,9,29,1,6,1,1,2,17,2,5,11,121,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885630045050403,0.0,0.0,0.08079231021190003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712954225686474,0.08307207816470291,0.0,0.1955348081361412,0.0,0.11106778707532973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507445545348353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113086916434035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158002158993647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156811677798395,0.12275859415174036,0.0,0.15694078841194106,0.0,0.1000993725640385,0.0,0.10677537855363764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014399889354642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983444490787878,0.06207135145404182,0.1139697612363066,0.0,0.19929805744043744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718452606604147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371840580165827,0.06529279677295365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517490605915838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930408084736101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972873597960886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482999904163128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399778158599212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220247038035321,0.09035749127452657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236528055082308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231028860121052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136815166583057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611031293123717,0.0,0.11730681890455713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467318314917103,0.10815672943774296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146283994389348,0.0,0.0,0.16818332169941042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612623478449619,0.0,0.0,0.06927686793247204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132326259457996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802758186914046,0.07007499242011167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650731668947762
suicidewatch,Ej1970,2019/04/05,100 ft drop..... My childhood was pretty messy...divorce..abuse religious nuttiness ie Jehovah witness stuff...I got Into drugs...its kinda a typical story...nothing special..I've basically been isolated for the paest 25 years battling addiction..anyway recently my sisters sexual abuse by my stepfather has come to light..itto happened as and adult..groping and stuff..I believe my sister my mother doesn't and had chosen him over us. I went on a big binge and tried to hang myself...that didn't work so I climbed over a barrier at the multistory carpark..I guess I was about 100ft up on the ledge for about 20 mins before the cops came...I'm now in hospital..I'm in the UK so it's pretty bleak with cutbacks and stuff..I just want to use again and forget but I might complete next time..we went to the police about the abuse which they said off the record was horrendous. I could just put a bunch of bags in a spoon and od...no pain..or I  an try to work through this...sorry for the rant I guess I need to vent..they dont talk much in here.,0.6252941176470586,3.1369470196078417,2.159058823529413,91.69476470588238,93.50980392156862,5.465098039215686,20.52549019607843,7.03164865440522,0.7573031372549015,808,28,163,14,30,261,140,204,0.124,0.847,0.029,-0.9544,0,0,1,0,4,1,56.0,1,0,1,3,10,1,1,0,15,0,11,0,0,1,0,23,22,11,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,10,1,16,0,29,10,2,27,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,4,7,90,18,2,0.0,0.4482375002580391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730513036906728,0.14207591143646614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422926641213782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086273433011218,0.13221753925774496,0.0,0.0,0.10068370247575016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477928308836471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085680813311154,0.0,0.27783532446106435,0.0,0.1115132617444768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377630919292946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927008757343427,0.09350444352288534,0.0,0.0,0.13411292759286236,0.0,0.0,0.12100009248226652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341834399109787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565860016499659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676924899314454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451238733575545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119953685799072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116299106148522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330763840400623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013575375792593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735321978207768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712325399837758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168746417321474,0.10891328049714012,0.0,0.0,0.0743793470852027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337991561856332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361028125669893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120677671270035
suicidewatch,LB640,2019/04/05,"Is it possible to be cursed?! Feel like life is rejecting me For most of my life I've felt like I'm not supposed to be here or something. I'm trying to do all the right things but it always goes wrong. 
I think im the problem but I never set out to be.

I'm so exhausted with life. Lost the will to live years ago and now I'm stuck on this planet and I've changed into someone full of rage. I can't go out in busy times as I despise other people so much, and want to hurt them (but id never really do it)

I had a bad therapist who said I'm so hateful and negative that I deserve the universe giving it back to me. I'm thinking she's right. I can't help hating a lot of people though. 

Honestly wondering if I'm cursed and being pushed to end it. 



Born into an emotionally and neglectful family. 
Recently found out through medical records that I have mild cerebral palsy which my parents refused to co operate with doctors about so I was never helped. Also signs of neglect as a baby. Doctor said parents ignored any help. 

My legs are deformed (not just due to CP) and causing me problems with pain for 4 years and walking for about 1 year now 

I have a younger sibling who carried out horrendous bullying and physical violence. I was locked in the garage, and my father also threw stuff at me, pushed and kicked me, and punched walls over my head. 

There was also covert sexual abuse, and I suspect  now that something may have happened to me at a very young age 

I'm estranged from family now but they are stalking me and have threatened me. Police messed up the case, believed my father's lies and released him from arrest, and then lost a report preventing me bring granted a restraining order.....so I now have to pay a lot of money for an injunction which I just don't have. 

Police were mostly rude, disbelieving and unpleasant, apart from a couple of officers at the beginning. 

I was badly bullied at school, to the point where I had to drop out of secondary school/sixth form. I developed panic disorder and self harm during school and that's when I became obsessed and toyed with suicide. 

I never got a chance to look for a go for a career I want, and now I never will. 

My first proper job after dropping out of school started well but I was badly bullied out of it after a few years. Lot of assholes in that place and j wasn't the only one, but I had it very bad. 
They prank called and sent horrible texts even after I left. Manager believed the bullies even though she saw their behaviour. 

Had a nasty very narcissistic ex boyfriend that got me lynched when I broke it off. I was stalked by his brother and lost all my friends, it was hellish. My weight spiralled out of control as I could only stomach chocolate and I've never lost the weight which is horrible. 

I was used by a couple of other guys and I knew it but went along with it anyway and got humiliated. 

Bullied and ostracised by a large social group i joined after that. Did nothing wrong they just didn't like my personality and said I was boring, and used me for the butt of jokes. 

Rented a room with what I found out soon after was a very horrible woman and her cowardly husband who made life hell, damaged my things etc, and i had to leave early breaking the contract as I couldn't take any more. 

Managed to buy my own flat after that and it was good but we had s downstairs neighbour that was horrible. Again she picks on everyone at some point and some neighbours had it worse. 

Just moved (partly due to the downstairs neighbour, partly cos of family stalking me) and now I'm suffering with a new neighbour from hell who blew up in my face because of a parking issue (her bad parking). She keyed my car a few days ago. 
I dread going home and don't feel safe. She got her family and friends to yell insults at me and claims I'm bullying her. 

I feel management company think I'm a trouble maker and I shouldn't have started it. One emailed me today and said they've never had any trouble in the block before I arrived. 

Other little things include:
An ex mutual friend is toxic and I cut her off, and she's generally being a dick. Some other friends just stick by her though and say she's nice to them mostly. 

General rude customers talking to me like shit other nothing or stupid things I can't control. 

The unethical therapist mentioned above, she broke every rule in the book with me and couple of clients, is deep down a horrible human being, and lost some of her associations with therapeutical companies. But she was defended by others and is now promoted to a university lecturer in a type of therapy. She says it's because she is a good person and deserves it.... 

I don't blame her. People like her always win. They are last to be suspected or to face justice (if at all). 

 
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suicidewatch,casoerthebenzoghost2,2019/04/05,"... Thoughts I’ve been depressed for so long that I’ve grown accustomed to the numb body feeling. The point where I might even like it. And that’s a scary thing to like man. I used to think that there was a reason I was depressed. I was looking for that missing piece in the puzzle. But it’s terrible how I have everything, I have a loving family, financially stable, hobbies ... and I feel like I have nothing. Suicide doesn’t seem so bad to me at times. It actually never feels like a bad idea. ",1.9735714285714248,4.279500438775513,3.2830204081632672,88.97983673469388,80.3265306122449,6.3689795918367365,24.08571428571429,7.554174236665415,1.1650906122448983,385,14,79,6,10,125,62,98,0.231,0.584,0.185,-0.807,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,7,0,9,3,1,3,1,16,19,6,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,5,4,9,5,8,13,1,8,0,3,1,1,2,4,0,3,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.17527327622041478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29993339637437794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995060209412796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30939535120119044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186305927978373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142172576301067,0.0,0.16932015432827136,0.0,0.27244836643294856,0.2566265839508439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275762567158964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509931442974692,0.0,0.0,0.1589490395505403,0.15082701370985802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210487584423852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905376365247925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385261665119598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234046730653052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697893358237273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466880991148024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351003532104733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964639922672662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932478416332105,0.11508672093895253,0.0,0.14259013522372818,0.10473193098068236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512521744159224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Owlettorexic,2019/04/05,"It's my 21st next week and all i want to do is die I'm tired. I don't know why I'm all of a sudden feeling so depressed and suicidal again.. Things were going so great. 

​

I'm working with the county, social workers, etc., to get me back into work, school, housing.. everything that I need right now... I have a wife that says he loves me, but things are starting to feel dull and I even got tempted to start sexting again, just to feel appreciated. Just to get attention from someone that ""loves"" me. 

​

Three times I've cried in bed next to my wife and he just ignored and played video games because I brought it upon myself. I'm tired of being belittled. I'm tired of struggling to have to fight the urge to go through the process of growing up and just be an adult already. I was never given the chance to be a child, to be a teenager, to be a young adult... I'm just expected to be mature already. I've been told by adults that I'm ""very mature"" for my age, but by my very two close friends that I relax around I'm ""childish"" and ""immature."" What the fuck am I. 

​

It doesn't help that I feel like I have to now put on a mask around my wife. The one person that I thought I could be myself around.. guess not. Guess I have to put on my outside face around him. I guess I have to be the cold hearted, tough, ""mature"" individual around him now... or maybe not. Maybe I can stop fighting finally. Maybe I can relax... I made it. I made it past the age 15 like how I didn't think I would. I made it past 18.. but maybe not 21. Maybe not that age. ",2.079097580552688,3.6070113003096007,3.140571035431716,93.85358330466693,76.86377708978328,5.899736268776518,23.41807132209609,6.42735559955562,0.3761671597293885,1202,37,274,9,27,385,160,323,0.154,0.7240000000000001,0.122,-0.9052,0,0,0,0,3,0,74.0,0,0,0,3,20,17,3,1,15,0,27,8,2,4,3,53,63,14,2,5,13,3,4,2,1,1,3,1,1,5,17,15,0,2,8,5,0,6,8,8,0,3,12,6,36,9,38,41,3,41,0,2,0,3,22,13,1,4,24,170,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445243943481982,0.0,0.0,0.24220226677779025,0.2716219455252787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33165889929871145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057295389851314264,0.0,0.04542203067803373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059492040120222515,0.0,0.08184830632232179,0.0,0.0,0.0641773689931756,0.0,0.07733204461955791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310095520463981,0.049214697624303985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696688633224734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507027111753878,0.05323163036461322,0.0,0.08162462599877676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057568048810598724,0.0688854573698987,0.07785924421187987,0.0,0.08469415956961425,0.0,0.05959432488388883,0.08215011756268206,0.2462512283003356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829748129857651,0.049944050643192295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597723578695224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040950033228985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280593082022667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450059145696153,0.21151613235022287,0.0,0.0,0.3742883018015356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055249955739583335,0.057468509910913776,0.0,0.1584894371741392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049148977016687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226091896699528,0.0,0.06506130094459495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981096367462407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363313096891382,0.0,0.05925520322982668,0.0,0.07541046579280107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595594675633302,0.06313406361979937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054804350945615,0.0,0.0,0.06229565242466565,0.0,0.07789647581006923,0.0,0.08150440578151923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900537514283148,0.04774449859856436,0.0,0.059154474606758725,0.04344874448707741,0.2569229198057762,0.0,0.07119973373237974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278772881318497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296096761966775,0.043949308498806926,0.0,0.059769304386303276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723579691946091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849174146768964,0.0,0.0,0.05293142825410723,0.0,0.2716219455252787,0.0
suicidewatch,deyithrowaway,2019/04/05,"Today is supposed to be the day I planned to do it as soon as I had everything I needed to go through with it. I didn't think it would be so soon. Now I'm hesitating. Not because I don't want to die but because it's sooner than expected. I expected to have at least another month, not for the last item on my list to just drop into my lap so easily. It probably won't be happening tonight. I hate myself for it but I don't think I can do it a month sooner than I expected",1.6908653846153854,2.6723409711538517,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,76.78846153846153,8.661538461538461,26.461538461538463,9.188382445141503,2.0150423076923083,367,14,86,9,8,132,60,104,0.096,0.8290000000000001,0.075,-0.4715,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,0,3,0,14,0,0,0,0,15,22,6,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,13,0,17,15,2,14,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26820946211341884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118443558778765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495806551194278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26546106903546723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22988013989790496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453666604252961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261869527590165,0.0,0.0,0.25253151896212905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20849626126711865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083250978175197,0.0,0.0,0.18965892324386716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27577598306862205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32778922892546475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424511869011507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086670053609566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817000132226656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SengalBoy,2019/04/05,"Have you ever considered suicide because you're afraid you'll snap and do horrible things? Self hatred and depression aside, one of the reasons I always considered suicide is because I'm afraid of snaping. Afraid of breaking down. Afraid of well, becoming insane or something like that. And being the guy who wouldn't want others to get hurt, that is why I always feel like suicide is necessary, that I'd rather put myself down first before people got hurt.

P/s: I have no intention of hurting people. Just that I worry snapping my cause me to do those things, basically losing control of myself. ",6.123784403669728,7.920574348623853,6.1787958715596325,75.03131307339451,66.9816513761468,8.385779816513761,31.973623853211013,8.841846274778883,2.9531,480,20,75,8,8,152,72,109,0.341,0.607,0.053,-0.9905,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,2,0,3,4,12,0,4,2,0,10,0,0,4,1,14,15,4,3,3,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,9,1,2,1,1,10,3,10,11,0,6,0,5,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411015243461073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663353557743824,0.1600072448493191,0.12328118242364801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883042960376508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249388618104385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124783892530861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105116316960932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325507110387566,0.10350143900985953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323382772224074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569318994132028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587280607516272,0.0,0.0,0.1434527833561031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652872346226387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156092076704693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208231134333642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817361995431044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088142691462602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564320323809835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489595292258385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511401784898433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115347733579095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754216558603829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250206553519467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545326607427528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302634345816394,0.0,0.1307305766603951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713144736235614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kawaii_bbc,2019/04/05,"Anyone else like me ? No immediate danger but I just don’t enjoy life. I’m giving it time to see if it gets better but if there are no improvements in the next 5-10 years then I’m not gonna drag it out until I’m 100 

35-40 is the max I’m willing to let me hate waking up to continue. If there’s no improvement by then, then why do it until I’m 50, 70, 100?

That’s a good enough time ahead of time to make the decision with a clear head and give things time to change rather than acting on a sudden impulse ",1.2285742379547706,2.292080274336289,3.5084365781710933,92.27164208456249,78.11504424778761,6.792133726647003,18.75024582104228,7.3871296695380915,0.10588180924287104,393,7,96,5,9,136,77,113,0.104,0.662,0.233,0.9539,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,2,0,6,0,6,3,2,1,1,14,18,11,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,1,3,4,16,15,1,19,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,15,55,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580971273871246,0.21366463636331173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442870943318795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059813106060905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420087918667734,0.0,0.0,0.21546825052318055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089488324449198,0.4000838431853846,0.0,0.1749058958604513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588117459334587,0.21401295097840453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323705974974735,0.1472916011335019,0.10187770557268017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919605122235346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217750674278993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617219580893464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853871992681066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863843753923784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816677831972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342871168671735
suicidewatch,beeperfroggy,2019/04/05,"I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know anything about the real world. How will I have any chance of surviving? I want to move out but I don’t even know where to start to go about doing that.

- High unemployment rate where I live
- Been applying to so many jobs and calling them back nagging them for months, still unemployed
- Rent is high as fuck in every city in the tri-state area, where do I even go? The amount seems so unattainable.
- No clue/no education on how life works/about the real world. Parents sheltered me my whole life

It just seems so impossible. What the fuck is the point anymore? Why try anymore? I want out. I want to escape. But I can’t even do that without risk of being homeless. I need to go. Now.",0.6714203316510456,3.1432874109589046,1.7123215573179529,96.47251261715937,89.27397260273972,4.717519826964671,18.643114635904826,6.339386263674448,-0.15088493150684945,566,16,124,6,19,177,85,146,0.142,0.7809999999999999,0.077,-0.949,7,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,19,4,3,1,6,0,13,4,0,2,0,20,29,9,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,1,4,6,4,0,0,1,0,15,0,19,26,2,25,0,0,0,2,4,15,2,2,6,79,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067811695081296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644817392520108,0.0,0.0,0.10973029582654636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253288045112803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615856875260327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522883583510813,0.0,0.1123476057097318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24654773738893015,0.0,0.0,0.2273464626192999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817693470332733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232279657156326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198462148054096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883688410337394,0.0,0.0,0.11774470724945248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351893268460849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643346775193416,0.14172298227659955,0.0,0.09887247685158862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806211849388876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605265845040894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035480720670245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427817334409764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876235713815573,0.0,0.10648824954844814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106289613542176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594826071933345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032172126709555,0.14887319734393029,0.0,0.12853832517271935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tikatikatana,2019/04/05,"Do you ever feel like no matter how much better you get, you can’t move past suicide attempts I get panic attacks sometimes at the thought of what I did to myself. My parents don’t know because during that time period they didn’t really want to see me. But even though my life has gotten better and I’m starting to recover, I’ll still always be that scared little girl passed out in her room from an overdose. Anytime the shit hits the fan my first thought is always suicide. It’s just such a weird experience to have come out the other side yet still resort to it sometimes. When I see the scars from cutting on my thighs I just always feel like I can’t move past what I did to myself

And before you tell me to talk to my parents, when I told my mother I was considering suicide, she told me how stupid I was and that I wouldn’t actually do it. So not really an option",6.716754057428215,5.495890775280904,7.171647940074909,78.87179151061176,65.40449438202248,9.48414481897628,31.013732833957555,8.167268648758528,2.09656354556804,690,20,139,7,9,227,105,178,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.103,-0.9275,2,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,4,1,4,14,11,4,2,8,0,15,3,2,2,1,22,32,10,3,2,4,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,4,7,7,0,1,10,4,28,4,16,19,1,24,0,0,2,0,15,8,1,1,14,98,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.11539511989382817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951808728880861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452665324042687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208421342345726,0.0,0.10062219539308727,0.0,0.0,0.20916535306065365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186206125544503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810313000464066,0.10696405962127037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156713684827171,0.0,0.0,0.11958169013691655,0.16895590737809235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058354444957664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356167905703995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498720754911885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352360066022874,0.1155421318113088,0.11851774785861988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25136245912193456,0.08692748985224882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874111021888405,0.2626056664175365,0.0,0.2257663581208687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150818918939518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838906115013707,0.0,0.1884601703935433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138211258076485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390490740745815,0.0,0.08369808749031307,0.0,0.18886949628146368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880395191676243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504501710015548,0.10335587120559853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618020348206493,0.18775487175954092,0.06895263210022846,0.0,0.0,0.2259862329114329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974702113380953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,superspyrospam,2019/04/05,"Nothing's stopping me I can't take watching my life come full circle. I don't know what meds they're having me take, but most of them just seem to suppress any thoughts or feelings, when I know deep down the urge to kill myself is still there.
I get up every morning before work thinking to myself: ""whats stopping me from driving away and never coming back? Whats stopping me from trying to jump off the parking structure again?""

Each time I come up with ""nothing at all.""

I hate my job and I hate my life. I hate that my family gives me no political freedom, despite telling them about the problems im having emotionally and physically with my work, they make me still go. ""not under my house"" can I quit a job that literally makes me want to kill myself.

It has to stop, and this is the easiest way out.

So whats stopping me?",3.4706993006993017,5.031126363636368,4.378181818181819,86.27958041958044,73.24242424242425,6.531468531468531,27.237762237762237,7.010146845296331,1.260972027972028,650,24,130,6,13,210,103,165,0.161,0.715,0.124,-0.7049,2,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,3,3,9,6,5,0,5,0,8,2,0,2,2,34,28,8,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,6,6,0,0,6,5,6,0,0,1,2,29,0,20,27,4,29,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,3,12,91,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829226316498038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816830767335603,0.08852776755055032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796704415095904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297522579784781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295056136372861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700188543783952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085342001215463,0.0,0.0582131242094447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015060802568852,0.11044306712062082,0.06543096129309296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410007492946788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284441844515302,0.0,0.0,0.12436002169284904,0.0,0.22849727277699305,0.0,0.2547482981838992,0.0,0.12654473709981187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263927141645015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537001715008256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278833372683668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879525735093978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094044081041392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101637420178043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245479398133485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480991448312504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388573424275234,0.481268654561234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312667624807848,0.0,0.10062858555315646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377057534157486,0.0,0.0914002608438826,0.06713315612821533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816562799455473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790658335490074,0.09138473614609983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676318407943553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missthatisall,2019/04/05,"I know it’ll get better, it could be somewhat soon even, I just don’t want to put in the effort This month has been rough. I’ve felt like I’m cursed and have had bunch of shitty things happen. Most of the things have been car related. I’m now leaving my partner, despite having a great relationship, because we are from different countries and neither of us wants to give up our home country. 

I’m about to head back to my country in a lot of debt, and will be coming back to a much different life than I had before since many of my friends have moved. I’m overwhelmed.

So overwhelmed that when the dark thought of actually wanting to act on my feelings it was over the act of having to buy the basics for a kitchen again (mayo, salt, etc.). This will be the 4th time I’ve had to do it in the last 2.5 years. 

I’m overwhelmed and I don’t want to put in the work for things to ‘get better’",5.509293478260869,4.736500038043482,5.6946956521739125,87.00682608695654,67.6413043478261,8.44695652173913,30.35652173913044,7.1686216300943375,1.52343652173913,693,22,155,5,10,220,106,184,0.052000000000000005,0.865,0.08199999999999999,0.0788,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,0,4,10,8,0,3,12,0,23,3,1,0,0,19,41,6,0,5,1,0,3,1,2,3,1,0,2,1,10,6,1,0,4,0,2,7,3,3,0,0,8,4,11,5,29,26,7,24,0,3,0,0,7,7,0,3,11,104,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.1401622840067332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088540215343505,0.0,0.08755559163642729,0.0,0.12221865830238815,0.0,0.0,0.25405834880218325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372463560272745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146769682603199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001258229524678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018555731400091,0.0948663435645925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262370726940985,0.0,0.1379074450982536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096827899868104,0.0,0.1500816253605533,0.13778310450485032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583527208897136,0.0,0.0,0.1270116460085099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14740594648999872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407272718607098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893536095534043,0.11707772268531715,0.0,0.15208356480014326,0.0,0.0,0.1014502055873342,0.07017042448840258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210919679837988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561840404689955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114644196200927,0.15265609332740848,0.1055846688479845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887758949204875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542050031679125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881232439681215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862644205824493,0.0,0.0,0.1140262763426274,0.08375188146895726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276935677519198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388670783920556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456444229896199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924930919961765
suicidewatch,Diligent_Spite,2019/04/05,"I have a pain disorder I suffer from something called trigeminal neuralgia. It’s extremely rare in people my age (24), and in particular how advanced mine is. It sends random unpredictable electric shocks from my ear to my mouth and jaw. The pain is absolutely unbearable, even with medicine and surgery. Nothing helps it. The worst part though is that it’s random. I’m living every second anticipating that shock of pain, never knowing when it will happen. 

My only other option is to go on heavy, opioid painkillers but I think is rather just die. My dad had a pain disorder too and was addicted to pain meds (not because he wanted to get high, his pain was so bad he became dependent on them.)

A tiny part of me says to try the painkillers and if it doesn’t work, then do it. But the majority of me says go ahead and just end it. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. ",2.995396706586824,5.3416034910179695,4.025535179640716,84.79183570359281,76.96407185628745,7.288772455089822,24.80875748502994,8.278499904357787,1.6557188622754495,681,24,132,13,16,220,107,167,0.246,0.746,0.008,-0.9919,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,9,11,0,0,7,0,14,10,3,2,1,24,23,14,1,3,7,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,12,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,11,0,1,3,3,14,0,17,19,4,15,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,5,6,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712066711986575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564447126202886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736337232821377,0.0710835655564627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907049413483993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102139383187092,0.0,0.2672872865960168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328067417901247,0.0,0.0,0.07701892964046894,0.0,0.09824783742424703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060923219498289764,0.0,0.13254279375333294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311666561480792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816033640626162,0.12320346670308832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281701556764432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296759581417328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952594965037098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993579834950485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188916798474596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868615142540655,0.7444791061380848,0.0,0.0,0.25255166176063504,0.0,0.08084177238756192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546379633290494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977105449306158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471813006662359,0.11456743048670208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916963548398663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877881735364508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489250372378071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thin_Initial,2019/04/05,"I was testing the noose and my dog went BALLISTIC. First, I just want to say that I wasn’t planning on letting my dog witness this. I had just tied up a few scarves and was testing it on the door. The minute I did that, my dog lost his damn mind. He started running around and barking like crazy and jumping all over me. After a few minutes of this I took the noose down and he got calm again and came and licked my face all over. 

I am absolutely in shock I didn’t realize what my death would do to my poor dog. I also never knew animals could be this intuitive. It’s like he knew exactly what was going on. 

I’m not doing it tonight. I’m not saying it cured my suicidal feelings, but it did change my perspective. I don’t want my dog who I love with all my heart to ever feel that way again. ",2.3664900967296205,3.584546754491022,3.69305389221557,91.4656149239982,75.46706586826349,7.0546292031321975,25.421004145555052,7.61054688173877,1.069882911100875,616,21,141,8,13,202,96,167,0.08800000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.083,0.0415,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,1,0,6,0,16,3,2,0,6,31,32,9,2,4,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,14,10,0,0,5,0,1,6,6,3,0,1,15,5,23,4,15,13,5,24,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,0,10,97,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635928299112795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210875091805576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339711145714373,0.0,0.0,0.21640565286507268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333077657148629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504332546621335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068712957058064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400530251029472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626061928301824,0.0,0.16361159144768295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241387857365765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091844790720105,0.0,0.19988302965988544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233099656161218,0.0,0.1846304649125855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655520540594927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777533150968692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32536111855875066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479417197895675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376401722636508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22728240028403726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413188276073229,0.16237643169828114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896364396748073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531912612696782,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sacrilicious71,2019/04/05,I think I'm gonna do it That's all I really have to say. I guess I'm posting cuz I wanna be talked out of it. Probably not though.,-3.5112500000000004,-2.0492821249999995,0.9185000000000016,99.8765,104.625,5.0600000000000005,12.65,6.742157984588678,-0.6461700000000001,100,2,28,2,5,38,25,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368884701457742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798234821552847,0.0,0.4275909728947231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25406563552519457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153841944172828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187639269170833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541187846400937,0.3896475483080134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jacqueline310,2019/04/05,"I'm afraid. F21 college student. I'm really concerned about my health. Mentally, of course..
 I just started taking anti-depressants, almost a month ago. I'm still feeling like the world is ending around me. I've been told I'm more productive. I've been told I look happier. But on the inside I've never felt more suicidal in my life. I haven't been to classes in almost a month. I'm terrified to tell my parents because I'm not ready to be that level of a disappointment just yet. 
My person just caught the flu. Like the big deal one. Type A. (Scared the shit out of me when I looked it up.) So he went home. I'm terrified I've got the flu, and I slept past my appointment with the campus wellness center. Lucky me. I've started coughing today.
So on top of being a miserable wreck in school, I've got some just blanket statement issues.
I'm failing. I'm always wanting to die. I feel like I'm not comfortable in my own home. I dread seeing my parents. My friends keep lying to me. My feelings are too much, and getting stomped on too often. I'm anxious. I'm unable to get up. The pills aren't working. The support isn't working. I'm scared.",0.5864080459770129,3.030956318965522,2.5828965517241365,90.31842528735632,89.25862068965517,5.162298850574714,22.81954022988505,6.742157984588678,0.8525822988505749,894,35,179,12,30,298,127,232,0.18,0.6859999999999999,0.134,-0.9052,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,4,15,16,1,5,14,0,10,8,2,0,1,25,45,6,2,1,7,2,4,3,1,0,6,0,2,1,2,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,8,1,1,11,7,20,8,23,32,5,30,0,3,3,0,9,16,1,5,15,94,22,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777642074117172,0.0,0.24349658876998465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116719675698774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735472713933986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082350760502518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411616204463703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534723108464976,0.10471967476779867,0.0,0.12618445861422167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768687703841694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844287848095284,0.17371852746829605,0.11673920942145236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393509648399123,0.0,0.12704470219715105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944828346114028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923755571700532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439162912330323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690156668131872,0.0,0.10806898510050744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587800888829011,0.17819864345338896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041990063596517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252755297452332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409355049278007,0.0,0.08937784874165322,0.0,0.09377267659415653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238811391342263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700081363405483,0.0,0.1160651908928836,0.0,0.10616200666643638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788949180235201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434525515030628,0.12304897467439142,0.09688629357577468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248036969274716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211482849418394,0.0,0.09709672566899843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299259535695487,0.1379714943850209,0.0,0.0,0.09141564710753376,0.0,0.10626932215432884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152469244196771,0.2323564545253177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171308772028517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931815178110453,0.11270910577678725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770284456923853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShenInTexas,2019/04/05,Doing it this weekend - maybe I have really gotten more suicidal lately. I was dating the woman for the past three months and we were intimate for the first time a little over a week ago. Now everything has changed. She says she doesn’t thing we have the same sexual chemistry. She thinks I don’t take control and that I second guess things in the bedroom. This among all of the other things in my life have brought me back to wanting to end it all. I’ll always be single. No point to go anymore.,2.8544444444444466,5.001400816326534,3.5872789115646277,88.73787981859414,76.55102040816327,6.396371882086169,22.113378684807266,7.3871296695380915,0.8193977324263044,392,11,77,5,9,124,73,98,0.077,0.923,0.0,-0.8051,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,0,10,1,0,1,2,11,17,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,9,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,1,11,0,10,12,5,20,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,12,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083719301115653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169747629031739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023171011608789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156866445337318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158091294162141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288077770241671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068694834960028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334559624271246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352565587538066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594014620543013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247333508197079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301253416794897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409402318194572,0.0,0.20446555192086951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494938803039275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283400678602794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474485405094855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284967289941335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069015435601755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223212936546694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314721040307225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338558199038155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065934792026044,0.13071749400789806,0.0,0.0,0.11895634395270435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032681542322872,0.0,0.16363966356969467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lobsterguy471,2019/04/05,"My daily commute kills me. Everyday on my way to and from work I drive by this shitty pawn shop. Recently, every time I see that neon sign I consider pulling in and asking what a shotgun costs. The thought being that one blow to the chest will end this torment. I don’t want to die. I mean, I do. But not *really* I really just can’t find a reason to live. I’m in some pretty intensive therapy and it helps, but the deepest part of me just wants to die. Not for anyone or anything other than I’m simply fed up with this bullshit. Living is hard. ",0.35866071428571544,2.7077232589285742,2.596071428571431,90.69892857142858,88.73214285714286,5.7,19.607142857142858,7.1686216300943375,0.6081357142857144,423,13,88,7,14,143,81,112,0.17800000000000002,0.779,0.044,-0.955,0,0,0,1,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,5,0,6,2,1,1,0,19,15,6,3,2,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,0,4,1,2,2,4,1,0,1,2,2,11,0,15,11,2,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,4,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391085317373966,0.0,0.1575994820471444,0.0,0.17903948541997866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975220319604692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962432079953466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135857773571274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504007997220844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155868525948692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836761651454626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211881567507719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33822026517889153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086145965203729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297746600965451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739070708761287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483831419045736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453771992975813,0.19690801136212766,0.1890967043277988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526116477192688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901264123740874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204050960321766,0.11167319627720056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259195202151002,0.15201468491803033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942427660919007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HFDan,2019/04/05,I just cant take it. I cant take my life anymore. I just cant take it anymore. I'm always stressed with school. And my parents keep telling me to study all evening with no time for myself. I dont know if i have the guts to kill myself but thought this fitted here.,0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,1.4041379310344837,102.21298850574713,84.51724137931033,3.866666666666666,21.735632183908052,3.1291,-0.5687333333333333,206,7,51,0,6,65,39,58,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.631,1,0,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,11,12,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,10,0,5,11,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,33,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18774319981823626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44753096307213935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644380387727985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902725301361586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005513418802638,0.2496274481871576,0.0,0.12400098461477095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936996081284502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505367012160083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835077950430316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584597311254301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089396558841877,0.0,0.19721157868684952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912593756860695,0.1315673437075436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomterm,2019/04/05,"I know this isn't the general place for someone else's suicide note but I think Philip Gale's note might hit home with some of y'all. If you haven't already read it, here is part of it, “Presumably I have jumped from a tall building. ... I am not crazy, albeit driven to suicide. It is not about any single event, or person. It is about stubborn sadness, and a detached view of the world. I see my life—so much dreary, mundane, wasted time wishing upon unattainable goals—and I feel little attachment to the future. But it is not so bad, relatively. I exaggerate. In the end, it is that I am unwilling (sick of living) to live in mediocrity. And this is what I have chosen to do about it. The saddest part is the inevitable guilt and sorrow I will force on my family and friends. But there is not much I can say. I am sorry. Try to understand that this is about me and my 'fuked up ideas.' It is not because I was raised poorly or not cared for enough. It just is. ... take care world, Philip."" Gale closed his handwritten suicide note with a smiley face and the words ""And stay happy!""[3]”",2.4475352112676063,4.581587497652585,3.2442511737089217,90.77172887323944,77.7793427230047,5.950140845070423,22.85657276995305,6.961326702584282,0.6659147417840372,839,26,172,9,20,265,125,213,0.23,0.674,0.096,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,2,0,2,8,8,1,1,10,0,23,2,1,0,0,35,34,14,3,2,13,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,1,1,15,10,0,1,6,1,1,2,8,5,0,0,2,4,20,3,23,29,7,18,0,2,2,0,6,11,0,5,4,121,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835709713623727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758570885955027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981747356426675,0.08747697448486216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926179905283736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987680452456875,0.0,0.12709943331079052,0.1482750573350352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528012125600225,0.0,0.07255849762494386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086863933151747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439433626621395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199534128260554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886448400596359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135911230545573,0.0,0.1438258602411004,0.2534283045959312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522320522040902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109797263699844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107955418245903,0.0,0.0,0.1252996767807353,0.1499281682983816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353999226794525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411788120555373,0.0,0.0,0.11435184441898895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158806618625465,0.0,0.0,0.1606377986820206,0.0,0.1529531418615283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709009296936908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078950124903497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194974824670146,0.0,0.0,0.08367667971157948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742786717286284,0.0,0.0,0.14938976716802774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650192506406945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothingoldchap,2019/04/05,"I should probably speak to someone..... I'm just saying this out loud but the more I think about dying the more excited I get like finally a way out, an answer, the key to my happiness  I just wish I'd toughen up already and get the job done smh one day hopefully one day ",0.8991666666666696,3.0785715357142855,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,83.64285714285714,7.3047619047619055,23.619047619047624,8.344100000000001,1.6383904761904766,210,8,45,5,6,72,41,56,0.045,0.643,0.311,0.9544,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,8,2,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,5,4,6,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649058130708549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30963023941594897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24913839194820894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24565882320951204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629676761393441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508368554934703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555421925313471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384280162054992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382167831443072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172783715863138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253339189541457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588190622801772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909007594441608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339717079476669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381705816441715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19054387484494395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27605051844129225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plsthrowmeallaway,2019/04/05,Where can I drive? Where can I drive that's somewhere worth being? Is there someplace that exists where it doesn't hurt?,2.267246376811592,5.137618043478263,1.2521739130434817,99.74028985507248,85.95652173913044,3.066666666666667,16.36231884057971,3.1291,-1.166611594202898,97,2,19,0,3,27,17,23,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.6388,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Traditional_Stomach,2019/04/05,"I am suicidal because of school Gonna make this short.
My depression has dropped my grades so low that I’m even more depressed. I feel like I’m worthless, stupid, and I’m not going to get anywhere so I might as well end it now before it gets worse.  Weird thing is I feel like this is my destiny. Like another poster earlier said - while some people know someday they’re gonna get married, or have kids, I’ve always felt like my destiny was to die.  I don’t see the point anymore ",2.814081632653064,4.403334642857146,3.5160714285714287,91.67267857142859,75.0204081632653,6.53265306122449,26.535714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.113097959183674,377,14,81,4,8,119,72,98,0.26,0.625,0.116,-0.9544,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,24,6,2,0,2,0,3,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,5,9,5,4,18,2,8,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,3,7,39,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446817261049697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466076125207948,0.0,0.0,0.18410597592694905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316502264502835,0.0,0.1579668068701672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319784620238183,0.0,0.19266603562026052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644228133573011,0.0,0.0,0.1226141211210964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773132187457928,0.26524391647493845,0.17824445995712868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909692610448342,0.0,0.1055040510356586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020234315484672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627792367261014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391680037814436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693575065237529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870008603656666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549073722693684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658709003767298,0.0,0.0,0.1878785897884012,0.1479318316549118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306110907533026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333162292363475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691354193935215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918402555164526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxandervenom,2019/04/05,"i really don't have any reason to be alive i feel like i'm just coasting through life just trying to do the bare minimum to get through the day. nothing really brings me any joy. i make plans with friends when they ask me to and fake smile the whole time. i have no dreams, no hopes of the future, i act like everything is fine to my parents and friends and even my therapist because i'm scared of what they'll say. i'm scared of them freaking out and me being hospitalized. i harm myself because i don't know how i'll kill myself but i imagine it. jumping off a bridge, walking in front of a bus, hanging myself in the forest. almost everyday i just fall into this hole of hopelessness and think about suicide. nothing has been helpin im just holding on by my last thread ",2.6493131868131883,4.648726403846156,3.5813553113553134,89.23269230769232,76.62820512820512,6.508424908424907,25.88644688644689,7.447530270364453,1.272444688644689,613,23,125,8,14,196,99,156,0.171,0.715,0.114,-0.9239,1,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,3,1,8,14,1,2,7,0,11,1,0,3,0,23,22,8,2,1,5,1,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,5,1,0,7,4,7,0,0,1,2,21,7,21,18,1,19,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,8,78,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722353290279367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339347495604068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079881170342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097018544782094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092717118965324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360581204036595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545844609199189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696946596350644,0.1228783856393756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657769019585634,0.0,0.08986403544590373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083696618215055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579186086841926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902949184487444,0.0,0.09452789517417264,0.14020472654188532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149022039163783,0.16806314559376576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481278505026027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300814448283104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19098805629168175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203779907745559,0.17684687915429656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678303038515474,0.3444083592516389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814245846558608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199707778099888,0.0,0.11021204631096683,0.0,0.0,0.10029584936738926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677818388392905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920342818532532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TankBodyPillow,2019/04/05,"Today I felt as if i wanted to shoot myself To start off, this happened earlier in the day and i feel as if I should try to get this off my chest to feel a bit better about myself.

To start off, my mother and I(siblings moved out and father is divorced) move quite frequently, to the point where I only usually live in a place no longer than 3 years. But recently we moved again but this time its close to my oldest house, where most of my childhood traumas happened, and recently I’ve been having bad memories come back to me a lot more frequently. I only lived at this house now for coming up to 8 months now and its only a town away from my oldest house I used to live in, and usually 2-5 times a month I get this hopeless and useless feeling about myself because of normal drama around my house combined with these reoccurring memories.

Now recently my father decided to get in touch with me again(after 8 years) over the phone and I’ve never seen him or heard anything about him since the divorce, but I was more so happy to talk to him since he’s been out of almost half my life now. After I’ve gotten done talking to him, and after a bit away from talking to him old memories came back that I would normally try to suppress. But I couldn’t so I started to feel like crap, and a little bit later my mother decided to talk to me about the talk and thought it would be a good idea to bring up something I didn’t want to hear at the time. She told me that he said he didn’t care to ever see me or talk to me after the break up, but he didn’t seem like the person who would do that sort of thing, since we had a strong bond for half of my life. Which brought me down to tears in a instant. I don’t think she really cared or realized that. And shortly after my mind started racing again through tons of bad memories which only piled up on what she just told me.

I got to a point where I felt as if no one would care if I were to commit suicide. Which my mind stuck on that long enough to where I planned out how I was gonna get the gun that is in my house(my mother owns a gun) and use it to shoot myself. No matter how much I’ve tried to get my mind off of that subject it kept going back. I even got to a point to where I found myself holding the case to the gun, which was stored in my mothers room, but backed myself out of it. The only idea I could think of to stop thinking of this stuff, is to talk about this, and to try to sleep. 

Which lead me here, looking for a reddit to share this to a group of people to get it off my chest to see if it helps. Im really not sure what I’m gonna do if this doesn’t work. Im just worried I’ll find myself actually about to attempt to cut my life short, and how it would affect those who I live with.",7.562685025817558,4.61372042857143,7.670157659208263,81.46430017211708,65.02409638554218,10.74178313253012,32.36220309810671,8.364918446050245,2.1579569156626492,2143,53,486,21,25,699,239,581,0.11,0.8059999999999999,0.085,-0.9426,0,0,1,5,2,3,43.0,2,0,0,7,32,18,2,0,27,0,28,7,4,7,4,100,82,38,1,18,18,6,7,2,0,8,3,3,1,1,38,29,0,4,18,1,1,10,11,7,0,3,27,14,66,11,105,44,11,98,0,2,4,0,41,44,1,14,45,335,104,2,0.0,0.0,0.05667442803957937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815537099445702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779213053284754,0.05170052717462601,0.0,0.0,0.10912983982704448,0.17862942114637673,0.0969831457255914,0.035402983854223725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051364073113819984,0.19021396445429956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642421029191076,0.1776390311016778,0.0,0.0,0.10005577473114108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463694754371612,0.0,0.0,0.03745463158057179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943257180038305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000869933750111,0.0,0.038359076407967437,0.05253365051662981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746118724520567,0.04148996692135536,0.11152537401527726,0.0,0.053081001548021485,0.0,0.0,0.06367804379756734,0.0,0.0,0.18205590049070225,0.0,0.0330062958330059,0.048711934549804735,0.09289839710702302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271397106445593,0.06182366872568543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654566000006551,0.0,0.038927551061484406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26805060407554826,0.0,0.13112292659092836,0.12546548559501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306375606472784,0.056746630541261264,0.0582080557531932,0.2051309668320928,0.05139600341947687,0.04876975497493654,0.0,0.0,0.04937468689214687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592256752597274,0.0,0.0927124481994419,0.18517884830569487,0.042693016592255696,0.0,0.04479228907496415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380556287550835,0.0,0.0,0.060941669573877824,0.0,0.03935423780983412,0.22084952846892275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040263033236709635,0.050710286451156,0.06067773323001096,0.0,0.1647036051792991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177166094523491,0.0,0.0,0.07441077208049769,0.0,0.1720310420917881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524418898477323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255913400083912,0.0528707965662619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412480312290324,0.0,0.05811858743928765,0.0,0.0,0.04471023882827089,0.0,0.0,0.1644277935110104,0.0,0.0,0.048554675871093016,0.0,0.0,0.06648386401628052,0.06352642360674253,0.0,0.054736550773947096,0.0,0.0,0.3267586524441938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038583542450008716,0.11163950759892484,0.0,0.046106369049258536,0.10159487653462712,0.0,0.055049868907425456,0.11098944658022436,0.0,0.15772091930633497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003191491891977,0.12792643931982692,0.0,0.0685102200831376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228048938105624,0.05897965228844579,0.0,0.20627991218008224,0.0,0.0,0.0747989107575285
suicidewatch,hopeprays,2019/04/05,My time is up First year US medical student here. I've been thinking about suicide everyday for the past few months. It feels like my time is up. ,2.080919540229882,4.455093413793102,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,80.3793103448276,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.605749425287356,115,5,24,2,3,36,25,29,0.136,0.7879999999999999,0.076,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,4,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742911069206556,0.2365591027028983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816587284920726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177323095603865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335783063287281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26430454375899104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31610073850841225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622021149069721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21217452236789544,0.0,0.0,0.3861687473793087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39830822258084986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323665123058488
suicidewatch,TheMeNoOneElseSees,2019/04/05,"There is no way out I’ve tried everything. I’m in therapy, that’s not getting me anywhere. I’m taking pills, don’t think they’re working. I tried cutting myself yesterday— I couldn’t make myself bleed because I don’t even deserve that catharsis. There is no other side to this. No matter what I do, I can’t make any progress fighting this depression. Every day I think I’ve stepped forward, the next I’m two steps back. This is the only reality I know, the only reality I ever will know. I’m trapped, and no matter what I’m never going to get relief from this torment. And I just want relief, more than anything. But I’m never going to get it. ",0.92848282442748,3.3867366717557275,3.0962547709923705,87.44682490458015,86.86259541984732,5.10706106870229,23.454675572519086,6.6274283507984215,0.914102671755725,508,20,98,6,16,172,76,131,0.159,0.742,0.099,-0.8271,0,1,0,0,2,1,18.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,3,0,9,2,0,2,3,19,28,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,4,0,0,5,11,3,0,1,0,0,12,2,7,26,1,15,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,59,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230915465020626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010833890830192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960653344508806,0.0,0.11860347873383385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547670045105386,0.0,0.16757637439262565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850667959895973,0.17599289730818593,0.1639272763735532,0.0,0.17486020682951967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30495258833447025,0.0,0.2211486761698764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138528957302865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25974392537374097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30011714982088666,0.0,0.20691939914204235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959470587111669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628676740072202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224991461453648,0.0,0.0,0.24933555544142036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641902978553302,0.0,0.1900592667811644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475798853761407,0.15443463630555587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164379883375072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sponkthethird,2019/04/05,Why I just don’t undeserved why we are here. Every day is the same even when slightly different. I just feel empty. What’s the point anymore.,0.91,3.4918457142857164,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,91.85714285714286,5.6571428571428575,21.285714285714285,7.1686216300943375,0.9611142857142858,112,4,22,2,4,36,24,28,0.073,0.927,0.0,-0.2023,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349683685395114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273973306006326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683911436618956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328884629585332,0.0,0.29708005491042594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828476280217814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333320238179396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6363319153111135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wille-man,2019/04/05,I don’t know what to say (Sorry for any grammatical errors) I don’t know if this is the place to say this but I need advice I have a friend who yesterday told me about he’s thoughts of suicide and made me promise not to tell anyone this all started because a girl he liked rejected him and I’m worried because now he’s been really depressed and told me it was because this girl rejected him I’ve had to deal with depression in my own life and thoughts of suicide I’m trying to help I’ve told him how great therapy was for me or even just talking to someone can be but he won’t listen to me he said he’s scared if he tells someone they’ll put him in a hospital I don’t know what to do I know the girl he’s now obsessed with isn’t going to work out and scared of what will happen when she rejects him too I want to tell someone but he made me promise not to but what if he kills himself and I knew about it and didn’t say anything please help ,3.6633470919324576,3.805897263414636,4.835121951219513,88.48386491557224,71.48780487804878,7.868667917448405,28.93996247654784,7.61054688173877,1.4973227016885549,749,27,171,8,13,248,101,205,0.219,0.653,0.128,-0.9796,0,2,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,1,1,9,14,1,3,5,0,17,1,0,3,1,34,38,17,3,5,11,0,0,1,1,3,1,5,0,3,11,10,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,14,5,23,5,23,20,2,11,0,5,0,0,38,4,0,4,6,104,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261334549496813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836864881027218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058002676930727,0.0,0.09483451252238193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075172909557816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880964942807395,0.1985158784876855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611638718341207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903583897053491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549479884227585,0.0,0.0,0.12705493394062806,0.0,0.0,0.10190829815005678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448883686274312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749842135307174,0.0,0.2533364002945121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139897500175625,0.056301518520601286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808991490591773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545063214741189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204035724642211,0.1265013306097933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585024256805065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382710519483943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962172377865652,0.27493567223173865,0.2307550956344273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29293302994349835,0.0,0.0,0.1290042095065895,0.08156902333549544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211252764281444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262731622944696,0.3021802907218995,0.0,0.13178950081686078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829788705468265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303565862479261,0.0,0.07824189008856804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679728362383842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389769518444842,0.1170340495632448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThanosSnapHalf,2019/04/05,"I wish I was dead I just want to die.
All my friends have left me, everyone thinks I am dumb, no cares about me, even my teachers dont care about me.
No one wants to be my friend. I don't know what do anymore.

This was all over a stupid book.
My friend whos book got stolen has separated me from everyone and is spreading rumors about me.",0.7866071428571431,2.6371147638888885,2.024206349206352,98.87000000000002,81.91666666666667,5.780952380952384,20.007936507936503,6.868970318607317,-0.04008968253968215,261,7,65,3,7,83,50,72,0.277,0.541,0.182,-0.8634,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,2,9,19,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,14,5,7,15,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,42,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788299977497204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42743548511447615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754857895206786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566869017211898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844955974454165,0.0,0.0,0.4005946298574246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858469968071288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764926824162876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519961202154198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774867480590066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420413995609608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343136325179973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472741967932761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24104834881638346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GuyInABathtub,2019/04/06,"Not a healthy way to cope I've recently turned to drug use to distract myself from how I feel. I just need someone to talk to, but I don't know where to start. It's been a while since I felt this empty, but it's back again, and it hits HARD. fuck this, man.",0.5484210526315785,1.9254108596491228,1.8981052631578983,101.7587368421053,80.75438596491226,5.261754385964913,18.417543859649122,5.6839178017228535,-0.7024287719298248,197,4,52,1,5,63,42,57,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.9038,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,11,11,5,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,7,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,5,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22474454541028988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389509014247446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477850678872457,0.0,0.28063372006604576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702072687201144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618246161627215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606289201708502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672120948744128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885902975613047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417762475507817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24764708757471976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068766134284627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23492282620204644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179156724953092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243525322738364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231997502601282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EndMyLifee,2019/04/06,"End times I'm slowly descending into darkness again. my anxiety is completely crippling me. I'll never be good enough for anyone. My best friend is in love with me but i know she wouldnt if she knew the real me.
God i hate my self. I have been depressed and suicidal for most of my life from a shitty childhood of abusive drunk parents. They turned me into an alcoholic and a drug addict. I have been clean for half a year but im finding more and more reasons to get high again. I ordered drugs from the dark net this week and im just waiting for my next urine screening to pass so i can get back at it again. Ive already quit my anti psychotic medication. This is the end times for me i think",1.3532400932400923,3.587093181818183,2.898629370629372,91.26076456876459,82.2167832167832,5.771375291375293,22.82004662004661,7.03164865440522,0.7597425641025639,547,19,115,7,15,179,94,143,0.229,0.6940000000000001,0.077,-0.9811,1,0,3,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,1,0,7,0,11,9,1,1,1,21,21,8,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,1,3,7,2,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,1,22,4,16,16,5,20,0,1,1,1,7,5,0,2,13,78,25,0,0.0,0.17761335567000752,0.0,0.16341898469738006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020325584037262,0.0,0.0,0.16542430801751554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146772009224378,0.0,0.0,0.10481732308539744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115267979621598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731644175304255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717293273641844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911327910448714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34768528443548075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655433344647312,0.15489232373843992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370107962163199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581652021873867,0.0,0.1566387417636556,0.0,0.0,0.12573351563210616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800052197635524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583832581749389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238470559657459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238407327346478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588259899696507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529545287489034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101389361977954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561626592445395,0.0,0.15942606605728646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664521778983771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944281763512894,0.0,0.1706251342557118,0.0,0.1541276913400675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638399839494493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397214870297475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605331084725123,0.0,0.0,0.17482205835817613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305400067297082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024504899741875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965341461175239
suicidewatch,aelatalkstoomuch,2019/04/06,Mid spiral and I need someone to talk to I’m close to another attempt. I’ve tried to kill myself more times than I can count and I feel like tonight will be another. I’m completely alone and I have no one to talk to ,-0.4771631205673721,1.6896425957446832,1.7756382978723408,96.28416666666668,91.12765957446808,5.686524822695036,20.599290780141846,7.1686216300943375,0.5426056737588651,170,6,40,3,6,57,31,47,0.193,0.755,0.052000000000000005,-0.7713,0,1,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,5,1,7,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776876795944643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622867422664904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811148925109417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556768287464954,0.19154237446390468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966310172324365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098810583896273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988048767039173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168257809414895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22717411382031524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310035331427962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563408001882785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820334024598593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swayzeinator420,2019/04/06,Can someone please talk to me. The help lines (that I’ve found) are a joke. Please,-1.1419607843137245,0.7679473529411779,-0.8858823529411772,111.50686274509803,104.88235294117644,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.2422392156862743,63,1,16,0,3,18,16,17,0.0,0.537,0.463,0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917087178651762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23945869261310065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7843115103145414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026987226517672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871458740319209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RaikuFA,2019/04/06,Life isn’t worth living. If I ended it tonight the world would get better I feel as if I can never do anything right.,0.06946666666666701,2.2865740800000047,1.8200000000000005,96.85666666666668,88.2,3.333333333333334,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0600666666666667,92,2,20,0,3,30,22,25,0.0,0.7979999999999999,0.202,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33936775627507404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36473180943053796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652615123582793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852041497404195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546051542140984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912883377021342,0.0,0.0,0.36415428220184537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31806614336532674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35218495466331023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929551379303317,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyGameIsBroken27,2019/04/06,"I don't have a good title I need to die. I'm ugly, stupid, worthless, fat. I'm always ignored even when I speak up. Why stay in a world that doesn't even acknowledge your existence? I don't know how to kill myself yet so i'm going to have to wait a little longer. I feel so alone and worthless.",-0.07919642857142861,1.9100564375000035,2.1725892857142846,95.770625,86.1875,4.9071428571428575,16.955357142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.43631428571428543,228,5,53,2,7,77,43,64,0.409,0.591,0.0,-0.9807,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,0,8,13,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,2,7,1,6,13,0,8,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137044034434928,0.0,0.0,0.2520301180574199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143537136641802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001141581389655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315111979226734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721403055961713,0.2540511465451659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351047350737161,0.0,0.16646133027429846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035770071324945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22459032154087247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228421993096181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27331260354983244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mightbedepresed,2019/04/06,"Mom sent me a poem today i think it’s brave that you get up in the morning even if your soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest
i think it’s brave that you keep on living
even if you don’t know how to anymore
i think it’s brave that you push away the waves rolling in every day and you decide to fight
i know there are days when you feel like giving up but i think it’s brave that you never do
By Lana Rafael 

And today at like 330am I wanted to kill myself but didnt because of a post I read here.
And today I felt like giving up and stayed in bed all damn day. 
And today I havent eaten all damn day and dont feel hungry 
And today theres dirty dishes in my kitchen sink 
And today it's been nearly a week since I've showered 
And today I cry uncontrollably every time I'm awake 

AND TODAY IM ALIVE 
AND TODAY IT HURTS
AND TOMORROW IT PROBABLY WILL TOO
And tomorrow maybe I'll do dishes maybe I'll shower maybe I'll clean the house 
But none of that Matters as long as I make it through this As long as I Live 
",1.3141609629454791,2.745575502242154,2.8510455510974784,95.52658956809064,78.73094170403587,5.412225631342932,17.11800802454567,5.750287758089431,-0.639012556053812,799,12,189,4,19,262,116,223,0.153,0.7120000000000001,0.135,-0.7279,2,0,0,0,1,1,2.0,0,9,0,0,9,13,4,1,7,0,10,5,1,2,3,37,28,25,1,3,5,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,14,14,4,1,10,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,3,24,7,23,22,4,36,1,1,0,0,14,11,2,2,24,110,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541604319189271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092029055816165,0.0,0.0,0.05250295876270007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460779686619966,0.2221822867184428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094162328498296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377374376778705,0.0,0.1451334669674776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709802393417565,0.061530012026876774,0.08269659044883343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499843607969973,0.16524405851893653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938039311915464,0.09220203253907093,0.0,0.09303324888463063,0.0,0.0,0.07655471238299706,0.09528810587704163,0.0,0.09466762598935692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623368197570295,0.0,0.15210557868349364,0.1524415150548645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749125046055276,0.0,0.2595820968129961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100872321215637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664273869082143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248701928020832,0.0,0.09286078002620754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615151974816371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124614718166175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180121451469388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074992277071212,0.0,0.0,0.050222053176484434,0.0,0.7347552703850421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050800651078727416,0.0,0.06908685667783078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JustAGenericFace,2019/04/06,"Wanna live, never got to much, please help... My life story is a long and insane one but I'll summarize it as much as I can here...  


I'm 20, living in the US and have had 4 jobs, quit all of them and two of them lead to suicide attempts, one of which even landed me in a psychiatric facility and I was not even treated right when I was there either... I currently live with my mother who is old enough to be my grandmother and is toxic, ignorant to the real world and thinks I'm a ""defective human"" or a ""living mistake"", I also live with my sister who thinks I'm ""shit-headed"" and ""an insane loser"", and my brother who has severe schizophrenia and can barely hold a conversation...  


I have a few friends however most of them are in other countries or states and I chat with them almost every day and have known them for a few years now, but I'm sick of waking up every day with an urge to off myself, having pretty much no physical interaction with people where I live, my mother ruins every in person friendship I try to have and destroys every chance at a relationship I get... My mother has ruined my life by preventing me from even leaving my house alone without having to fight her until I was 19, she made me meet more therapists and doctors for ""issues"" that I never had but she swore I did, she is insanely religious but doesn't even seem to understand her ideologies don't even add up with her claims of being Christian, she ain't Christian, she's just outright psycho...  


Not to mention that to this day still am suffering the mental and emotional trauma of being beaten, bullied and even raped as a child and have spent so much time laying in my room wasting away doing nothing with my life because I genuinely don't even know what to do or live for anymore, I'm a hobbyist artist but even that doesn't make me feel okay like it used to... I sometimes cut, bruise, starve, or exhaust myself because I internally feel like maybe the bullies and my family weren't wrong after all and I am just a waste of human life and shouldn't exist anymore... I never even got to attend school ever and the ""home schooling"" I received from my mother barely taught me more than how to read, write and do basic mathematics, hence why I always feel stupid compared to pretty much everybody else...  


I've had a couple of crushes in my life and did truly fall in love with a girl once but she ended up changing her mind and thinking I wasn't worth her time or heart, even though I literally risked my life for her, placed myself in dangerous situations for her own safety and benefit and even had a job because I loved her that much and was willing to dedicate my whole life and income towards her because she was the only person in my life who I could even just be around and her presence alone made me feel safe, comfortable and happy, she was so sweet and beautiful to me, she had a kind, giving and understanding heart and I never even knew somebody would ever hold my hand, hug me and comfort me while also motivate me like she did, I never even asked much from her other than to just not ditch me or leave me behind but eventually she basically did exactly that...  


I have nothing that lifts me up anymore, I always hide my sorrow, frustrations and urge to kill myself with my laughs and smiles, apparently my mask of joy as I call it is convincing enough that sometimes my friends even deny I was depressed when I would be playing a game with them and laughing and whatnot... I want to be happy and it be genuine, to laugh without having to force it but nothing I know of keeps me in a positive mood enough that I don't for even five minutes think killing myself would be a bad idea, because every minute of every day for years of my life other than when I was with that girl I was a broken and depressed mess...  


If anybody might have any suggestions for what I should do that I haven't tried I would deeply appreciate it, I don't wanna die but I can't live this way anymore... I hate it, I feel like I'm a defect, mistake or monster...",7.344620253164557,6.294938367088612,7.571993670886076,75.95204113924055,64.0632911392405,10.127848101265824,32.66139240506329,9.120678840339163,2.687706329113924,3170,102,602,44,40,1035,336,790,0.171,0.653,0.17600000000000002,0.7692,6,2,0,0,1,4,93.0,1,0,6,6,37,55,11,1,28,1,72,20,4,7,10,137,109,71,4,13,27,6,6,4,2,8,12,0,2,7,29,52,0,6,18,5,2,4,23,29,0,4,27,7,114,25,91,65,20,58,2,7,0,4,65,25,0,12,31,460,143,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548634274462739,0.09409271882726036,0.0,0.07265233981724847,0.07559409040507667,0.0,0.0,0.030890399369392106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180196652205244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040437673407106384,0.04246602542782833,0.0,0.04267806406490262,0.0,0.037927783208079435,0.13845258230140234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638376609225605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805338057558333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626798035256842,0.05026164090049917,0.0,0.11718086775579273,0.0,0.07824857083470013,0.0,0.04714373669516683,0.0,0.0,0.046494174028980484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03794656420665103,0.05109674907984201,0.040232860943239454,0.14080778193221574,0.0,0.4800420850625023,0.08217860507686046,0.2296339530595533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282242780397381,0.0,0.11484063575863712,0.06490292551062568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019012489668461,0.0,0.02373256601753704,0.043575575836241186,0.0,0.0,0.07266067190319025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671101868320507,0.0,0.044847553279424655,0.046618916180406825,0.0,0.0,0.10765713565870813,0.030447263933032626,0.0,0.045564745198564766,0.0,0.0,0.052414082488816564,0.0,0.05127903303344123,0.0,0.04741165521911565,0.09015414455480199,0.040375620218558526,0.1005115493084061,0.047302904874662634,0.04992852817232645,0.0,0.0,0.09619653926670307,0.0,0.0,0.2887637079128064,0.08876898701750426,0.0,0.3208872131776341,0.040199489527204466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199525177674591,0.0859640260761712,0.030321384827001963,0.0,0.045635284143903464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577748130610912,0.0481884995698966,0.04586606571422816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337470136665021,0.0,0.17517190401677968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075886768852482,0.0,0.04766565189535884,0.04837589455105844,0.0615619956974329,0.03454758236478018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03149181405648425,0.07932630918700072,0.0474592135424673,0.04986275357070878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242663745730237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048314831349415284,0.04543705977499129,0.05170332980693495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487692002152168,0.0,0.038792502981730814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194457901340884,0.0,0.04135300201289535,0.0,0.05131705727636817,0.04662787074690509,0.0,0.0510593415423049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898525125141881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362762777537978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049687322565478836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052741655818743585,0.0,0.11642542656911573,0.0446296031279432,0.0,0.05297509408709769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168087032107029,0.0,0.04437339706572493,0.09457756926606074,0.0546404019229438,0.03923241418496138,0.0,0.0,0.02679270460254199,0.036056065844858806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04098878701649018,0.05071513035330075,0.0,0.08757570916502119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907380524009274,0.049664852020519464,0.0,0.058504121518991335
suicidewatch,apatheticcccc,2019/04/06,Stuck I can’t kill my self because I have a kid and I fucking feel so trapped. I hate this world. No one understands me. I’m basically just existing at this point and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I am nothing to anyone and I don’t want to feel this anymore. ,-0.20288311688311825,2.028631309090912,2.4924675324675327,91.18727272727274,90.45454545454544,6.051948051948052,22.402597402597397,7.447530270364453,1.0570779220779216,202,8,45,4,7,70,41,55,0.3,0.631,0.07,-0.9379,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,14,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,2,8,0,3,12,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034169129357398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966540370247343,0.20915685721945565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234530763392293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30249563725286865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765384930641638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953264129650909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309401867909019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870208408563329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269649105513546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827721120767661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120551513899126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31140220854721146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643311095707376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway52849111,2019/04/06,"I want to kill myself. I've wanted to kill myself for the past 5 years I'm turning 23  this year. For the past 5 or so years I've been telling myself that I will end it soon. In a day or two, next week, after XYZ happens I'll kill myself. I'll just watch this movie or listen to this album first. I've been doing this for fucking years now.

It's kinda bad cause I haven't really been able to get anywhere in life thinking I only have a week or a couple of days at most. Not that I want to cause I wanna kill myself but still. 

I hate it that I can't talk to people about this because everybody acts like suicide is bad. Like it's some flaw that needs to be corrected. Instead of seeing it for what it is: a choice and a direction that you can go with life. Maybe it's pointless but fuck it so is working 9-5 to put money in someone elses pocket while you get crumbs. 

It's all about money. My life isn't financially viable. If you could somehow see how many people want to kill themselves to be free from this hell you'd see it too. I wish I could see who else wanted to kill themselves then I could make friends and not have to go through with it alone. 

I'm thinking Tuesday. Hopefully the weather is nice. I'll probably cry a lot and it's probably gonna hurt like hell but it's going to be worth it. Better in the long run. I should've done it years ago. Thanks for reading this shit. Enjoy your weekend.",0.7623576531716836,2.8254725771812086,2.3744684996752525,95.16045356137694,83.29530201342283,4.918986793678286,19.34444684996752,6.0311780096671335,-0.18547425849750976,1100,29,246,8,31,359,153,298,0.22,0.644,0.135,-0.9903,0,1,0,0,0,5,27.0,0,5,0,3,12,25,12,0,10,0,23,6,1,4,2,41,53,16,7,13,11,0,0,3,1,2,3,1,0,0,29,5,0,0,2,2,4,6,5,15,0,2,4,6,23,11,33,40,4,35,2,1,5,2,10,5,5,11,27,148,52,2,0.08138215070114417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214036627857233,0.0,0.0,0.08428736455390244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359013930014993,0.049609803705604166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197589884483434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720377303043985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949310756269734,0.09004780183757084,0.08939447113381058,0.1049695092497808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328219544648545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596868836262907,0.0,0.07208043001913593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692236158123023,0.0,0.0,0.06287564775455065,0.15047297389740455,0.08503762963389519,0.0,0.13875405508757735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196596709634172,0.0,0.0,0.08034802521867973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083083842101266,0.0,0.0,0.0871212755112509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402237518923121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244785938903648,0.1192776241840933,0.0,0.0,0.07202064242357957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691881942728633,0.0,0.0,0.05432321753577058,0.0825087273773212,0.08175930888381812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034383355541119,0.0,0.0,0.08655084053103693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061894792828381125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537694285307568,0.11284027265555345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548744595027585,0.0,0.0,0.08181153935550141,0.0,0.0,0.08140417386690697,0.0,0.05213548964821972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594041501049644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353760820179422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895483219401842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499189067554342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901886400949685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541189003250081,0.07113158677629264,0.07492575032883783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429279220414657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852041048998141,0.07949853594601929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400065051117653,0.0,0.13055970479360213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935854569747086,0.0,0.0,0.05924717496716982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26203718416458305
suicidewatch,heyhohopop,2019/04/06,On the verge of panic attack My dad fucked up my life so bad and my life right now is fucked need someone open minded to talk to right now about my PTSD. Panicking right now and suicidal thoughts are really strong.  ,8.24642857142857,6.7296712619047625,7.209523809523812,80.77714285714288,62.57142857142857,11.257142857142858,30.523809523809533,10.125756701596842,2.5285809523809526,171,4,35,3,2,52,31,42,0.419,0.526,0.056,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,6,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,6,5,0,10,0,0,0,2,2,7,2,0,3,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319477614266094,0.0,0.0,0.17848941736933013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952547188457716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019848167766533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158472405688099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850809848605968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508135929105694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24988624557555605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694684014714725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547676452709118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112702969828268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338302032232949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182061026849013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697098787020664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The0Darkness,2019/04/06,I feel like a disappointment.. I’m 18 and my family thinks I’m a piece of crap who’s never going to work despite me trying to get a job I’m capable of doing. They think I’m just going to live off of them for the rest of my life. They’re not the only ones who think this either. Plenty of others do as well including some of my friends. I don’t feel like living anymore. I feel like it’s pointless and the best decision for me would be to end my life while I’m young so I’ll at least have all those good childhood memories and great memories of high school. ,2.4674166666666686,3.490604908333335,4.261666666666667,88.25666666666667,74.91666666666666,7.666666666666668,22.5,8.167268648758528,0.9742499999999996,439,11,99,7,9,149,76,120,0.021,0.764,0.215,0.9716,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,2,2,3,10,1,0,6,0,6,3,1,0,2,17,20,6,0,1,3,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,2,1,1,0,3,11,8,16,18,7,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,1,8,62,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732888526187077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337221102187146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476217177400126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472335728071014,0.0,0.2650517877362167,0.3744893156124841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349988033590815,0.0,0.09129113298270353,0.0,0.198610347747204,0.1465583158638053,0.0,0.19264449283763388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846157204977892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733962099465476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683912336760144,0.2560981414493884,0.0,0.30858607144505346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347653816499428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840405988425474,0.1328928331459609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683980703033345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33588684926553597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863269506569132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571065579135338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720819599659988,0.0,0.0,0.12412578890594565,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AixenGuard,2019/04/06,Gonna kill myself peace out ✌️ u/Warcrocco  [https://www.reddit.com/user/Warcrocco/comments/b6kmh9/gonna\_kill\_myself\_peace\_out/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Warcrocco/comments/b6kmh9/gonna_kill_myself_peace_out/) ,71.84727272727272,91.08848463636365,27.318181818181817,-81.20272727272727,-70.0909090909091,11.672727272727276,29.181818181818183,11.20814326018867,4.462381818181818,205,2,8,2,1,36,11,11,0.331,0.423,0.246,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IsraelIsHidingWMD,2019/04/06,"helpless i don’t know how to even start this thing, i’m sitting at a sheetz smoking cigarettes at 11 at night because i fuckin hate this life man. everything stems from this one fucking girl i’ve been with on and off for the past 3 years and i can’t help but fucking love her. she’s my everything and the only thing that makes me happy. but then she’s also the fucking person who makes me lose my god damn mind. i swear i’m going crazy. every day feels like a cycle where i wake up and either go to work for 10 hours or go to class. i only ever want to talk to my girl but half the time she doesn’t want to talk to me and then makes me feel bad for it. but she’s literally the only thing in my life that makes me happy. i’m working 40 hours a week and going full time to college and the only highlight in my day is if she responds to my texts or if we hangout or see each other of anything. fucking christ. this probably doesn’t even make sense because my mind is in a haze. i haven’t been able to think clearly for the past year and it’s effecting everything in my life. my life is fucking falling apart. all i want is to be happy again, i don’t remember what it even feels like to wake up and not be depressed and sad all day. i don’t have any fucking friends anymore, everyone i talked to or associated with doesn’t hit me up or talk to me anymore for whatever reason. i can’t help but feel like everything in my life is falling apart around me and i can’t stop it. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve thought of killing myself. this only reason i haven’t done it yet is because in november my cousin took his own life and i saw first hand what it did to my family. he was the same age as me. my grandfather took his own life before i was even born and i know how much it’s effected my father and grandmother even if it was 30 years ago. that’s the only reason i haven’t fucking done it yet. this life is fucking insane and i can’t help but feel helpless. everything is fucking torture. ",2.201190344062152,3.5432505896226445,3.661736958934519,91.0212208657048,76.12264150943396,6.686348501664817,24.027192008879023,7.285733465282438,0.8157191453940063,1566,49,352,18,34,517,176,424,0.114,0.742,0.14400000000000002,0.9334,0,0,1,0,1,1,26.0,1,1,0,6,15,28,14,0,13,0,33,22,3,13,4,70,74,36,1,6,16,2,6,3,1,0,8,0,0,4,25,20,0,1,15,1,0,8,15,20,0,3,12,8,54,8,41,59,9,55,1,5,2,11,29,19,11,8,30,224,79,4,0.05857841966623531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05192623461452373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04684514104328827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03983533411264277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161881036359816,0.0,0.0,0.048205048180485134,0.05214721284912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048910533599082415,0.10712658276990876,0.0,0.04984592063149177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133347038389214,0.0,0.0504535070227293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989212262292955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345246861657414,0.05298753426592683,0.04935484503532685,0.05597419031411319,0.2632325321885381,0.0,0.0552225207154837,0.0,0.1480950453391191,0.12554530414224058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498267738433002,0.0,0.0,0.04525754172408068,0.4873932455521993,0.0,0.0,0.13316586334612993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707345098798533,0.0,0.057834061892725414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779163976655707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537588729434778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480834224576291,0.0,0.06438633498108319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310053614395453,0.08585537081596296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553426782706565,0.0,0.0,0.052869310802976785,0.0,0.19550774998047715,0.05938932329503757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829501006510705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043061878574035525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054971878645786586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03969425318725777,0.2673091668051451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183945971553397,0.0,0.05114841657758022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315744402467922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068511491672495,0.0,0.0,0.06635793030138934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667941630042858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146210694123273,0.0,0.0,0.04897418180897368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833245926648115,0.051200120736650936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675069736626237,0.03753468602920616,0.0,0.046504721942018684,0.10247264274766246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016555925754209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365320890099634,0.0,0.046988074860449064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529157436526068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316774508837645
suicidewatch,KingHarald1066,2019/04/06,"I feel like I can't be honest with people about my suicidal thoughts. Whenever I discuss how depressed I am with my family and friends, I inevitably explain how I am not content with life. They always ask what would make life worth it for me. To me nothing is worth it to be honest. I don't find much enjoyment in life. And I hate that I am forced to live life. I want to honestly just die in peace. I wish I could explain that to them but they won't understand and it would cause them great emotional pain.",2.537756202804747,4.391186572815535,3.537411003236248,90.08490830636462,76.47572815533981,7.2962243797195265,26.00755124056095,8.167268648758528,1.5438509169363543,399,15,85,7,9,128,63,103,0.194,0.614,0.191,-0.3213,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,4,10,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,4,0,24,22,6,2,5,3,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,20,7,12,15,1,2,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,59,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007601126321027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686145484722318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852819246174434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400474425234738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534591837789904,0.0,0.1871877529405005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202883485979608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002967091712207,0.0,0.09119667663561178,0.12885097403452345,0.0,0.0,0.16484801651336645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393475854807501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885024359574874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807058395766748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5095813442430248,0.08811598515224718,0.0,0.15926335233684036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039333938483847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258715734364135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306264016875933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191918368833672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504061668615454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728725198007754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318764274874235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877636766890334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638244910829488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074079223238607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25624862664789305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aznsubie,2019/04/06,"my tragic life . hi all, i’ve recently just felt really depressed. my girlfriend passed away recently. we were talking for a few months, but due to how emotionally destroyed i was from my last ex i cut her off cause i was scared of getting cheated on. we got back together a week before she passed and the love was still there. i was genuinely happy again. in the moments where i cut her off, i was depressed. when she came back into my life for that small amount of time, i felt whole again. i miss her so much. 

my last ex, tried to take her life. i found her in her car dying, and i held her in my arms and brought her to the hospital. i stayed with her, skipping school to make sure she was okay.

most tragic thing? i had to carry my current girlfriend into the same hospital. happened exactly one year apart. 

could anyone please just explain to me, why me. why did i have to get emotionally abused and traumatized by my ex, and when i found someone who really cared abt me and was willing to fix my trauma and be there for me, was taken away. i’ve never healed from my ex, and now my my current girlfriend? i don’t know what to do. 

i want to die and honestly when i’m drunk i go full fuck it mode and don’t think. no one should ever have to carry two dead girls in their arms, in the span of a year. so why me?

i’m scared. 
i’m only 19. ",1.1440062111801268,3.2257253260869554,2.619503105590063,93.83869565217393,81.97101449275362,5.826915113871635,20.364389233954448,7.021680442328713,0.3104693581780533,1034,29,231,13,28,336,145,276,0.221,0.69,0.08900000000000001,-0.9924,2,0,0,0,1,1,36.0,2,0,1,0,18,19,5,2,8,1,20,9,2,3,5,40,46,17,3,3,3,4,2,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,5,16,1,1,7,1,0,6,4,13,0,3,20,2,49,6,33,22,8,48,0,5,0,2,28,17,1,1,24,156,54,1,0.0,0.1307398339786388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715523062201951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20734401736270894,0.16969575809130036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389478739350374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620436934479073,0.11250326646807528,0.11335388962532175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810086531218217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900785964082629,0.0,0.22903971803876516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24824474728462406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998126466794941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118954735281821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419734408061345,0.0,0.10201143530209154,0.11530058094759235,0.0,0.06271115202884676,0.0,0.08825233727665076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757701208731864,0.11746345327731478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060642286846200336,0.17989050170809548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338181162424983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958994907900873,0.0,0.07365561067238653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807568809626537,0.0,0.08111568373600192,0.0,0.08510424993195348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495441719821209,0.08392173678249698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211247964105739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137864073367568,0.0,0.2179031719459802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209475888094628,0.1116742219045562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349428300556796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761223597295052,0.08812102105896055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399810310392772,0.0,0.08296510627292489,0.08869048860013365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733077837221095,0.07070410817866668,0.0,0.0,0.06434259067774441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491646895785793,0.0,0.10779025025181918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508386837621279,0.0,0.08851146178378576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987054340339457,0.12319535924281193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421160946941778
suicidewatch,Maxine20002,2019/04/06,"I feel numb right now but.. Deep inside I am begging for help this is how it goes in my mind right now——>>

PLEASE PLEASE FUCKING HELP (but I feel numb.. so I can’t act like I do)

Oh please oh please I can’t escape you demons..you won me over I got no will power at all anymore ..you have me at my knees .. I should kill myself WOULD YOU LIKE THAT???? Oh yes you would! I FUCKING HATE YOU WORLD

fuck everyone they are so fake",-1.9216666666666669,-0.4854647222222219,-0.5288888888888899,107.76000000000002,112.88888888888887,2.4444444444444446,11.666666666666668,4.4756072100314475,-1.9023333333333328,325,6,81,1,18,100,58,90,0.189,0.528,0.28300000000000003,0.8370000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,5,1,2,4,11,5,0,0,1,11,6,1,1,1,10,19,5,1,3,2,0,2,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,2,20,3,5,13,1,10,0,0,0,3,8,8,3,0,3,47,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406559170421086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484437129282371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709939365301742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308560940908641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424769576340396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533760976782366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082558438776784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187190913701011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179245943213154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568593526445357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.682111196971411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653363357166208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071255968927767,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Irlydntknwwhyimhere,2019/04/06,"And just like that, the feelings creep back. Just got done with a dinner with family. I found out at the end my dad was the only reason I got invited. My grandpa called me “friend” at the end. I always suspected they didn’t want me around and that thought was the root of 90% of my anxiety and I had made so much progress in the past few months, I quit taking my anxiety medicine and was feeling so good. However, now it feels worse than before because I saw it happen before my eyes. I hadn’t even thought of taking my own life in so long I couldn’t even tell you when the last time was but now all those ideas are popping back into my head. I feel like I’ve done this horrible downward spiral, it feels so hopeless. It’s like I’m in some vicious cycle that goes on forever. Why do I have to be such a burden?",1.8885714285714243,3.6769140476190496,3.176809523809524,92.23485714285715,78.16666666666666,6.3847619047619055,22.509523809523806,7.3011,0.6803780952380958,632,19,139,8,15,205,106,168,0.138,0.764,0.098,-0.8786,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,1,2,15,8,1,0,9,0,14,4,2,3,1,29,31,10,0,2,3,2,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,11,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,16,7,21,5,16,13,5,22,0,1,2,0,7,10,0,1,15,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137945031226811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092406309155482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174456834233953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031856887313186,0.0,0.08336706070337012,0.0,0.23274379432188155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396463026975577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990402399083764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422558904118988,0.0,0.0,0.18065615398950127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892428147089205,0.0,0.3457474787888787,0.09770070808595953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994926316388196,0.10565971948252653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470702077863623,0.2187574454954592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093559537345468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403542624678779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438434547947455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114768963545941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659697672638312,0.2004407232674813,0.0,0.0,0.12102747482034512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294047402560737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915978620371017,0.0,0.100533653335888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040114365613438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055200846595125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546010666711112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061110280920094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565160395277324,0.0,0.11953345648969667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21714285344809692,0.07974531444476145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066404374261202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234037906177296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936917762782627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,202020vision,2019/04/06,"my penis is about to fall off PLEASE HELP my penis is about to fall off

So like the title says my penis has been going numb on and off everyday for the past two years. it used to look normal and pink now it’s grey with dark spots all over it. it hurts sometimes but most of all it just feels dead. there were a few days were i couldn’t even achieve an erection and I still can’t sometimes, and when I can it feels hard along the shaft and toward the tip but soft and somewhat floppy near the base. the only thing that helps is sleeping on my left side, and now I’m starting to wake up with my penis completely numb when I do that. so I don’t know what to do at this point I’ve been to my gp I’ve been to the er the neurologist a neurosurgeon the urologist and to the chiropractor and none of them can figure out what’s wrong I’m at the end of my rope and am afraid I will comment suicide I’ve always suffered from intrusive suicidal thoughts and spcd and Im afraid I may give in because I’m out of hope ",2.2657619699042404,3.5468149906976763,3.3925854993160063,93.2652120383037,75.83720930232559,6.547195622435021,21.94938440492476,7.048011613610866,0.3523789329685365,793,20,185,8,17,256,122,215,0.154,0.782,0.063,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,12,9,0,2,14,0,19,4,2,1,2,34,32,18,3,3,3,0,4,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,17,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,7,1,1,6,8,15,2,33,23,6,31,0,2,3,0,6,17,0,4,12,124,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106618680066652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334658560374783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775357382460572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933565105237862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015714183295753,0.0,0.0,0.11197586028341948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144335478528094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626328271938303,0.0963502961166764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186950617552697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272706450216342,0.0,0.0,0.16838589428557307,0.0,0.0,0.1814900621449968,0.0,0.1831262246249035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317166254793297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419960191173448,0.0,0.0,0.08282593545087642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236618241402188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610769863813676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893853689531806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183975067411996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860978410325267,0.16026478918647774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482054504490182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965681753535758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353476772301888,0.0,0.11999730804959867,0.0,0.13539037632778858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708861943618858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263111010994467,0.0,0.0,0.13459136200065552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561045674102914,0.0,0.0,0.14642327299397487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853592325805286,0.0,0.10917458349697504
suicidewatch,Innairaton,2019/04/06,"I think I'm ready to give up I'm not as good as putting my thoughts into words as some of you are, but I'm going to try anyways. As a bit of back story, last summer, I had dealt with a lot of family issues. I was quite literally a large reason for my parents divorce and seeing my younger siblings so torn up about it every day was too much for me to handle. This caused me to go into a dark place, and I was very close to saying goodbye to every one. Luckily for me, at the time I had someone who I was really close with to help me get through it all and I still believe I owe them my life. But recently, I've had more issues come up, worse than before, and when I went to that person again, who is the only person I could trust, they told me they didn't want anything to do with me anymore because of these issues. After a couple weeks of feeling the worst I ever have and as alone as I ever have, I'm thinking about saying goodbye again. I suppose I just don't know how to go about it. To those of you who have felt a similar way, what did you guys do. I'm convinced I'm out if options and I don't know to do anymore.",4.751948506039419,3.67521326033058,6.05429752066116,84.81228544183091,69.2892561983471,8.437889383343931,28.94596312778131,7.010146845296331,1.4086906547997455,867,25,196,6,13,295,132,242,0.079,0.8390000000000001,0.08199999999999999,0.1876,2,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,3,3,1,15,4,0,0,9,0,20,1,0,3,3,39,44,18,0,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,11,15,0,0,8,0,1,6,4,1,0,1,13,5,31,3,43,30,7,31,0,0,1,0,19,10,0,4,14,143,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800904442781022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451496943162075,0.0,0.0,0.10170966266019947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503833561833773,0.0,0.07534348238571904,0.0,0.10517180178794053,0.13925130648501066,0.0,0.0,0.134935730647183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696799409752155,0.0,0.10646772786280018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986820142115784,0.13675754517963,0.0,0.07970973255740799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360082351561467,0.20827132545929944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165160945838764,0.0,0.06249427257781101,0.0,0.11867234252457355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457424411982618,0.11856534475168645,0.2107287859366598,0.10366715974675253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223802968178086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284435204097118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870089474499143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358511744731269,0.1007479153762159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873000985412425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507760779364482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085789369779544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375241294456279,0.09400096119924913,0.0,0.0,0.13723965666302976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583997494333315,0.1291323845369963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424895512504253,0.0,0.13146044603267704,0.0,0.0,0.0791792962796534,0.12707812963967546,0.12203696203508163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657832528247995,0.0,0.0,0.09849067399156007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047231957548212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870459071730264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583917202942474,0.0,0.09812207972740784,0.07207030742742287,0.0,0.0,0.11810207082898436,0.0,0.08391413669075908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198033156698627,0.0729006145545524,0.09810541330195648,0.09914192441453082,0.0,0.0,0.11457550271814138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595573228947712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xwoolyx,2019/04/06,"Slowly giving up I’ve been down, depressed you may say for coming on just over two years not as bad from the start but slowly my mental health decreasing over the months and as time has gone past.i wake up and my permanent mindset is being down no positive thoughts occur anymore I struggle to get out of bed in the morning lost all motivation to go the gym (which I was keen on) but now nothing constantly tired I’ve tried going to doctors been on anti depressants therapy numerous times self harming myself, two failed attempts of suicide, even abused drugs to make me happy I am writing this to anyone who make see this who has been through similar thing and have any advice or anyone with advice in general I just don’t want to be here anymore and I haven’t for a long time 

I am a Male,19 years old.  Thank you for taking your time to read this.",3.7925473321858902,5.790019855421691,4.317418244406198,85.2277108433735,73.33734939759036,7.152495697074013,26.917383820998282,7.957251820313856,1.7050444061962136,680,25,128,10,14,215,113,166,0.18600000000000005,0.675,0.139,-0.9103,0,0,1,0,1,1,9.0,0,3,0,4,5,10,0,1,6,0,15,5,1,3,1,22,30,9,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,7,7,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,7,0,2,7,2,13,3,29,20,1,28,0,4,1,0,9,12,0,2,12,87,20,4,0.0,0.15825326341650509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610372996181003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090829112527639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26492214950887544,0.18678419061756832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152160409890932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505484188920835,0.0,0.1443368433643217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007951954529146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670993742289722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489356275109756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882187456544903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978245517642569,0.12812818745905735,0.15181669058559574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218294644878035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197386877160126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820125451139332,0.0,0.0,0.14580250889638416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831200183021811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460259775418695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661069885682704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815968876763453,0.0,0.14015451234329626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750337229264747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360163350031035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621663760574897,0.0,0.0,0.10643440177725302,0.0,0.13933793435051134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945383404178102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396316490518484,0.0,0.1460989661716305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042462513401013,0.0,0.0,0.12296915698125616,0.15274377677016948,0.0,0.08873497582803005,0.0,0.0,0.10603607868316052,0.31153244245634043,0.15351388107795516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068219941413876,0.0,0.2609481494311707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878038584620499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202359131829192
suicidewatch,Asteriona,2019/04/06,"I dont know what to do anymore Im 28 years old and I feel my life is over.

I have no one to call.

No one that will care.

I just want to take all the pills I have at home and drink them down with alcohol or something.

Im messed up.

Im a failure.

I have a job, an appartment, two cats and a kinda broken family. No one else in my family works, so they can spend time together. I work fulltime and can never do that.

I used to have friends. And then I became such a burden to them that they all left me. The ones I kinda get closed to now I dont dare to become too close to them. They will just leave. I cant talk to them. They wouldnt care. And those I have now is on WoW exclusivly, so I havnt even met them. I wish I could. But it will not happen. Bullied at work as a nurse so dont have anyone from there either.

My life has been a mess. No contact with my dad since I was a kid. Raped when I was a teenager (havnt told anyone about it since after I told my ex and then he dumped me because of it). Been studying and working non-stop for years and nothing becomes better. I used to be positive, having dreams. I feel so freaking mental. I prob have a mental disorder or two. I wish I could see or notice if my friends cared. 

Its feels like I´m drowing in lonliness. Im sitting here and got no one. I cant call anyone. I just wish I had one single person I could call or hang out with. Someone that could give me a hug.

I feel like I hit a wall. I tried to talk to my doctor about it. But she doesnt think I´m even depressed. So i dont know what to do. I´ve been trying to become happy for years. No.. For all my life. I have nothing else to give to this world. 

I feel so unwanted. I wish my friends would notice me. I wish I had someone. I dont know why I even write here.",-1.1541085271317826,0.8572713178294613,1.210512144702843,100.16959767441864,92.92764857881136,4.12959173126615,15.491937984496126,5.6839178017228535,-0.8891665736434109,1348,30,333,10,50,452,175,387,0.121,0.7290000000000001,0.15,0.9201,1,0,3,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,9,5,22,19,2,0,14,0,42,9,0,2,4,59,73,27,0,14,12,2,5,2,3,5,6,0,1,2,13,16,2,0,9,2,1,1,17,7,0,8,11,6,62,12,37,51,5,28,0,1,1,2,30,14,0,7,14,228,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754996485852796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062685198979396,0.13258918716430815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038530916371917114,0.20942430043202312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590220343626538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936268341053376,0.0,0.1933338353611835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186528769842849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544408253161076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244166782072334,0.06469590893552664,0.0,0.0,0.3703956250178404,0.06191962580151161,0.0,0.0,0.10560408969946994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252445588709641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917346409368199,0.0,0.15979893112000915,0.09031139591526972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650267555001634,0.0,0.033023490833924994,0.12126945128038502,0.0,0.0,0.05055308875594682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558944896510453,0.06728592762924117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340262339533942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27310128168457565,0.0,0.06272403422676387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421213773713764,0.0,0.0,0.06692798263748298,0.06867550984426599,0.0,0.13393671315584102,0.061760321807241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273972846590109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048749787632611466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212992663154802,0.14392510368398778,0.06632600188687057,0.0,0.2569876345183287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519065326501688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036846987712188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457236710355368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711160594280544,0.04866048806377708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052844589686510984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752443403186096,0.10160814501616793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050103562653031,0.0,0.0,0.036857003425564264,0.0,0.0,0.12079561152125255,0.0,0.08582795700099233,0.0,0.12348976256400247,0.0,0.0,0.1091825695773859,0.0,0.0,0.03728162534992197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703524984751071,0.0,0.363429518661127,0.0,0.0,0.18406425935319548,0.0,0.0,0.04490104042159093,0.0,0.0,0.1221113418141298
suicidewatch,ladybrevity,2019/04/06,"I’m such a hypocrite. I’m a tutor for a high schooler and lately she hasn’t had much homework because it’s the end of the quarter so I just go over there and talk to her. It’s with mom’s permission since she works nearly 60+ hours a week. 

I disclosed some personal information about myself to her about a really bad break-up that only recently hit me hard. Initially, I thought it was a bad idea but it totally changed our relationship. She started coming to me and telling me about things at school, difficulty with her father (who is estranged), and more. And you know what, she also actually started doing better in school.

One day she broke down crying and told me she started to see a counselor because she was having suicidal thoughts. I told her how brave she was! How noble she was! And if she didn’t like that therapist, there’s more! Medication can help! There’s hope!

I showed her The Mighty website and some great YouTubers that touch base on those issues. I promised her things would get better and I was going to be there for her. I was there for hours and I was really, really grateful she felt she could trust me with that information.

I left her house that day and broke down crying in my car on the way home over what a two-faced piece of garbage I am.

I know one day I will die by suicide and I am telling other people it’s not an option and “It gets better!!!!!!”. One day, the kid is going to find out I died and be like, “What the hell???”
I’m literally the worst kind of person.",2.031025641025643,4.297680357859534,3.254190635451504,89.48338182831664,79.8695652173913,6.260914158305463,22.341248606466,7.42949916751922,0.8390186399108139,1173,37,243,17,30,379,158,299,0.177,0.682,0.141,-0.9382,1,0,0,0,1,1,41.0,1,1,0,4,14,17,1,0,16,0,22,1,0,2,1,41,44,20,4,4,4,2,3,2,0,2,1,0,2,3,19,19,0,0,9,1,0,5,3,6,0,4,14,4,44,11,30,24,8,32,1,2,1,0,37,13,1,5,15,171,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.09544409277715896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821505037659017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332707146139505,0.11924269172018866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595031407955923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346528664978802,0.08425080743347209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808976056294495,0.0,0.21486957348501085,0.2523059132781277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301340602812956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662667309505516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390865080356683,0.0,0.08939248637702672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219870970689474,0.0,0.16675541707359154,0.0,0.0,0.10783094675731264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761454769304405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555698793299168,0.10333691679594724,0.09810692539474528,0.09714296396452364,0.1926374995569393,0.11285445486319373,0.0,0.11041054319963503,0.0,0.10208356704625396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184941316514673,0.10750272753914487,0.0,0.11032890270516947,0.0,0.1062659991011154,0.0,0.0,0.09556568733942708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852878605883124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454865959250818,0.0,0.0,0.07189832129796438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988266836362092,0.07438551605764422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780604256033475,0.17080003988466755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879701890183494,0.0,0.09657116569100782,0.10500654104889802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796884443027446,0.0779383478451699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090574859820697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076817815618076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396675990408576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861238359525359,0.17097269571689822,0.0,0.0,0.11355976358598832,0.1299553019819912,0.0,0.0,0.1552933383670729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869147586154816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554179522934343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763348058799215,0.07845370000941801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120359376773988,0.0,0.0,0.06947824532937656,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,callmeannaa,2019/04/06,I just got a bunch of suicide threats on online what do I do? This probably sounds stupid and over dramatic but I’m 14 and I was on this stupid chat room because I was bored it wasn’t off Reddit btw and I already have extreme anxiety and depression and I self harmed around last year but I was finally starting to heal until I was on this dumb game I just said in the chat room that online dating was wrong because it was dangerous and all but then everyone just starting attacking me telling me to go die and nobody cares about me  and all this stuff and I feel like it came all back and I just self harmed again and I can’t stop thinking about it. I reported them but I keep getting messages and I feel like I want to die now. I don’t know what to do right now. ,1.1385460599334074,3.371813886792456,2.380917499075103,94.65119866814648,83.0880503144654,6.005327413984463,22.56048834628191,7.285733465282438,0.7412645948945613,604,21,134,9,17,193,85,159,0.315,0.621,0.063,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,11,14,6,0,2,0,13,1,0,0,3,32,28,18,3,1,8,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,2,2,12,14,0,2,4,3,0,2,3,11,0,0,10,4,21,3,15,18,4,25,0,1,0,0,9,10,1,0,15,92,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790587947791156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412904507141725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444648675396016,0.0,0.18459505082141867,0.0,0.12476851651984305,0.0,0.1978253189209104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855830943399303,0.16543566932658607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975496360535572,0.0,0.3368021235798337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504711945324298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640878416017986,0.2318382532961533,0.0,0.17774874250411926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847745553602302,0.0,0.09221653500236413,0.0,0.1297747607278706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422482798078148,0.0,0.0,0.08917427581307465,0.1322641843649008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854483241774525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749445541436786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856981116818676,0.15434714979731812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385467421435194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969801659031985,0.0,0.0,0.1356572694388082,0.0,0.0,0.18574976132338092,0.17748694660392836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182306508280845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397014973779704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570560629221878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740668008507718,0.0,0.10449061607683834
suicidewatch,geousarga,2019/04/06,"I don't know if I'm suicidal or not My boyfriend committed suicide last August.. After his death I was numb for a few months. But nowadays it's starting to affect me. I have flashbacks of his last moments, mostly created by my own imagination. I keep having intrusive thoughts. Then I started becoming promiscuous and slept with different men every week. And lately I feel a huge amount of guilt, I feel worthless because I attach myself to guys who see me as worthless.


Lately I've been imagining going into the ocean slowly from the shore to the middle to the deep end until I'm gone from this world. Whenever I imagine this I will feel at peace.. Until thoughts of what it will do to my family come and I would start crying. I never thought of myself as being suicidal but I don't know why I keep thinking of going into the ocean.

 Sometimes I imagine myself being punched or just simply beaten up to a pulp, and I just want to be kicked and punched. ",5.05007525083612,6.331220010869565,5.898478260869568,77.98297658862877,69.0,8.270234113712375,30.45819397993311,8.617729084823388,2.5045122073578594,758,30,133,12,13,249,112,184,0.15,0.8240000000000001,0.026,-0.9556,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,8,0,13,2,1,1,2,38,36,15,4,3,8,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,9,0,2,13,0,0,4,4,5,0,0,7,4,26,0,26,23,4,29,0,2,1,0,5,8,0,4,17,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602064178908451,0.1558472557076496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155560097019882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500504345792246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743213668781452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498345866220062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889305162823248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330279530159133,0.0,0.214051591394357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039454540478354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972318960136004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25085388124231195,0.0,0.0,0.155103067258732,0.2300504321052497,0.3183612473577639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263435207597297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883437026935593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124480939654491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956350008709664,0.0,0.299639665628623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630612847537108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041895199398736,0.0,0.3360817951825066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323158755388113,0.0,0.1131916351129442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733174443936926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024200506370423,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilikecatsandsleeping,2019/04/06,"I'm tired of trying. I'm 24. I can't keep a job. I have too many panic attacks. I live in a shed in my sisters yard. I failed college. I hate humanity so much. I can't stand the thought that all the rapists, hypocrites, and murders are human just like me. We're a plague destroying the planet, and all the beauty in it. It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to eat. It's impossible to care.",-1.4712015503875977,0.5134761046511649,1.4747674418604682,97.25385658914728,96.09302325581396,4.262015503875968,18.794573643410853,5.985473137389443,-0.269291472868217,299,10,73,3,12,104,58,86,0.32,0.5820000000000001,0.099,-0.9652,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,5,1,7,0,4,3,0,0,2,8,11,3,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,8,2,9,10,3,5,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,41,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28451204378903633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549821362288269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559032139941255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066104372527046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480607741496096,0.24691085303140906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481744834289062,0.22229036147686995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218072505909533,0.0,0.22083293774944607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535507276479285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384399822325911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934252497561754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985425230202728,0.0,0.2874402151264358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979383704397447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAmGodsChosenOne,2019/04/06,"My future has fallen apart within the span of a month I'm sorry if this sounds incoherent. My mind has been all over the place over the past few days and I've felt nothing but despair.

I'm 23.

I'm your average university student. Over the past four years I've been struggling with anxiety and bipolar disorder. Last month I was offered a conditional offer to a professional graduate program that I had worked so diligently towards. I was so ecstatic because I've had to overcome various obstacles in order to be where I am today. I'm the first person in my family to attend post-secondary so the pressure of ""being the best"" has always felt suffocating. I have never been able to share my struggles with mental illness with my family because I know they wouldn't understand it or believe it can be ""cured"" with a little bit of religious counselling.

Last week I found out I had failed a course required for me to graduate in June. Three days ago I found out that my conditional offer had been rescinded. Everything I had worked so hard towards over the past four years....gone. Down the drain. Not only have I collapsed right at the finish line but it feels like my entire future has crumbled entirely.

 I feel like a failure. What's the point of living if my future has crumbled right in front of my eyes? I can't speak to any of the therapists provided by my institution because if they get wind that I'm potentially contemplating suicide, I might be suspended from attending (my university has a mandated leave policy in place). None of my friends would understand how I feel because they don't struggle with mental illness like I do. I have nobody to talk to. It feels like the walks are closing in on me and I have no way to escape.
",5.269818181818182,6.796221209090909,6.185227272727275,75.20784090909092,68.72727272727272,9.5,31.931818181818183,9.827888789773867,3.299363636363637,1389,60,244,33,24,459,172,330,0.16399999999999998,0.733,0.103,-0.9681,1,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,1,3,6,6,13,0,4,20,0,34,4,1,1,2,37,51,14,1,5,7,0,7,4,1,3,3,2,0,1,9,11,0,1,11,0,0,5,7,6,0,4,15,10,36,7,43,29,6,55,0,2,1,0,12,28,0,5,24,169,45,9,0.09883655171995534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876126396434543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223992866208114,0.0,0.0,0.06721224441934405,0.0,0.07560969153822734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099937824311354,0.0,0.0,0.1113549480983037,0.103722863299428,0.0,0.1079039160357261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748279863090947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327525106834002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882791966825111,0.0,0.18634860946746268,0.0,0.19989892102283371,0.2118265568916388,0.1897971785844677,0.0,0.0,0.08407032040231817,0.0,0.21673835496666186,0.07636087468417037,0.0,0.051638018945441316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885381368638641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431798402615715,0.16112996238119218,0.0,0.10465363739996077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193146186973221,0.0990601901171844,0.08727448593828965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920799505731404,0.10484996236411832,0.09979674210340472,0.0,0.1577807852543245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622884176656967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483633701183787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516965132861995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830520166169063,0.0,0.08630026465834705,0.20652632051930175,0.0,0.0934324881721204,0.0,0.0946580956013706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881175027019624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063942778281836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30997627072134265,0.0,0.1081111457601551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944107641046162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475685437342645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368549437586203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578467199736347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845185429249772,0.07928072006085196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390837357955436,0.0,0.0,0.07021065058265262,0.0,0.0,0.06364749882401463
suicidewatch,Jay_the_DarkKnight,2019/04/06,"What is the point... (Not trying to push what I believe but its all I have). 

 You would think going through things, and having a voice tell you what will happen and you can still them that and be like wow that person just came back from the doctor and has a report they do not have cancer, seeing miricals happen for others..( until recently that voice has faded which leaves me feeling hopeless with no direction.)

 You think it would make a person strong. I am not  trying to be selfish, I still believe the point of life is to help others. I still want to think there is a reason for me here but I just can't see any fruit of all the work. 
 I wanted to preach done it for awhile and it was better inside, but after a while you become old news or your too young, or you can not preach because your not married.
I have long lost the care or need for that and thought i still want to be a teacher, but what school would hire me, even with education I do not feel the same motivation. How can I help others in any way shape or form if I can not first help my own self. 

Ever since I was two I never felt I should be here but I thought due to a dream before we started going to church that maybe I had purpose.

I can't say that I have any true friends or that I even ever did.  No one cares, I know it sounds like I am wrapped up in myself but believe me its not like that. 

I can't even go to work , try and help people and then get called names for just taking an order. ( I guess management cares cause they claim people are hungry and lie all the time, but why do they single me out.) I don't know maybe if I could just not care about other people, and not have emotions things would be fine. 

There has been more but I already wrote a book. I've always thought life was about helping others and living for God but the past 15 years I've even felt rejected by God. He has gone silent, but still answers prayers it seems. I don't understand any of this. I know the book of Ecc. Talk a lot of pain and sorrow of humanity but I always understood it as the spiritual side. But maybe I am wrong.

If I could, some part of me wishes that when I first willed to die at 2 years of age, that I would have. Certianly would saved some tears.

I know there is no promise for life but, man have I prayed to just wake up and it be over. I'm not saying I'm going to but it would be a lie if I would say that I never thought of major self harm as its almost ever month. 

I've tried meditation, retrain my thought process.. But nothing. 

I just can't process it, my mental clarity has been going down the tube, as well as memory. 

At this point I dont know what I need or what to do.",2.6476190476190453,3.7915073815551565,3.5641681735985564,92.96052591922846,74.64195298372513,6.3516576250753465,20.942435201928877,6.5431188927421005,0.08655708257986694,2054,43,469,15,42,657,240,553,0.083,0.746,0.171,0.9937,0,2,0,0,0,1,59.0,1,8,4,8,31,24,0,0,22,0,64,8,1,5,9,122,114,47,1,21,42,0,4,3,1,11,6,6,0,6,39,18,1,0,23,3,0,8,23,8,1,4,20,13,64,16,51,74,13,55,4,4,2,0,34,14,0,16,34,340,103,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061104613767488415,0.0,0.06733917911050383,0.0,0.10155021086746753,0.0,0.0,0.16598792593085487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692207099710415,0.0,0.03719838112347626,0.06739388935362077,0.05192513861148598,0.2062523395475514,0.0,0.05396890769459891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062310177981578875,0.06979279205500202,0.24886355751007,0.06268629595249653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744203634979254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333109343363494,0.0,0.0,0.0624584957825568,0.0,0.06244658546528865,0.07151720708061787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864141913600648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121754591573895,0.16559339419849162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061709007754185176,0.0,0.11718117841820212,0.0,0.0,0.10381038631040714,0.0,0.0,0.047145365106433766,0.0,0.03188142182269222,0.0,0.17340074736721384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722249758324089,0.0,0.10792292135866133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450845139934756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676801895833626,0.0,0.0,0.06461337648821205,0.0,0.0,0.1293047083102322,0.08943664744638878,0.0,0.05388345171601263,0.0540024572870317,0.0,0.0,0.06661260738362218,0.05187863340641175,0.0,0.0,0.040732589101553536,0.0,0.18391408784643445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061495718179906025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870709482022854,0.0,0.0,0.09049392464305314,0.09412769540919096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855215451986896,0.0,0.06403221435923148,0.0,0.04135001566257749,0.0,0.06493159919548525,0.0,0.0,0.06608076630650422,0.058252304044053176,0.1269146969385434,0.10656393088548703,0.0,0.0,0.17305624585480198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274067177562752,0.06025176008844293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558118166817846,0.0,0.06175741606849965,0.097253100394004,0.05555204185815975,0.12731829081393425,0.0,0.0,0.050477942555983375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04319161172614765,0.0,0.2436608229323697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588087116150545,0.049047088149655686,0.053335826332311306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108047180763374,0.11730110007681124,0.0,0.24222284415009165,0.035582358002070914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571944589925125,0.0,0.05960952509361251,0.0635259452877548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797688499927444,0.048436340327349316,0.0,0.0,0.054866012506401725,0.0,0.05506276935699138,0.0,0.07017216832419443,0.0,0.0,0.08884933340984383,0.0,0.0,0.3467856301824777,0.0667178633721164,0.0,0.07859220006529143
suicidewatch,bush_baby420,2019/04/06,"I'm Not Safe I'm not safe to myself. I work in a Residential Treatment Center and there's no room or time for me to be feeling like this, but I do. 

I haven't been this dark in years. I know people cars about me and need me, but I just want peace. I just want everything to be quiet and leave me alone. 

I'm relapsing in all my old issues and I know I'm not safe to myself at all, but I can't stand the idea that talking about me not being safe could hurt others. 

I'm lost, and alone. I have no support system because they've either left me or I care about them too much to let then suffer too.",0.531310432569974,2.0908314885496218,2.539255725190838,96.30114821882955,81.44274809160305,5.282697201017811,17.0235368956743,5.985473137389443,-0.6102676844783712,459,8,112,3,12,154,75,131,0.228,0.643,0.129,-0.9205,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,0,2,31,24,11,0,4,12,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,4,4,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,2,2,20,7,13,17,4,14,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,2,5,75,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168674906877384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226798019710356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518723551301735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068131679395328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808700366588849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175777308672654,0.14377265336321182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154417076634577,0.2271861424770639,0.0,0.21005214842212486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212028785260237,0.0,0.0,0.2130941184225668,0.2186581255071061,0.20579120638318008,0.0,0.09832031991979816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968755724801345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794150805622566,0.14922392345436153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111774528918884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395210348532095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283755005906568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175669154747827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735017765602733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740428963274116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651200265673728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959805305066094
suicidewatch,end3rking4,2019/04/06,"I feel like I’m slowly losing my sanity I feel very disconnected from my own body. To the point where I feel like life doesn’t even exist. I’m getting more and more paranoid to the point where I think I’m dead and I just don’t know it. It’s getting harder to separate dreams from reality. I’d talk and later contemplate if I really said anything at all, like I might’ve said it in my head but I can hear it.  This has all I could think about these few day and I’m starting to get panic attacks. It’s something I can’t escape and it truly haunts me. I just want a release. ",0.19456445993031224,2.3431881138211423,2.5144773519163763,92.68335365853659,86.56097560975607,5.465505226480834,18.541811846689885,6.868970318607317,0.11811777003484325,450,12,101,6,14,153,74,123,0.14400000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.122,-0.6786,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,1,3,0,6,3,2,0,2,19,24,7,1,3,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,6,15,3,9,21,6,9,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,1,6,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427084994081446,0.0,0.0,0.19944825457650006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473752546995168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997625881171147,0.0,0.0,0.11306488060069345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157951423094336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659364386456233,0.25049282068085155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27478749333513985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992569239737066,0.0,0.19759485946833705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634956942181178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383149336105773,0.2569529081939011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613473850830584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598349899751748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569657837028968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314622280921644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231247920018184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33353299006606724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349674953783049,0.0,0.0,0.12409018628821104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091306302655382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467194868969795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465478232455606,0.10340643502211336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChronicCronut,2019/04/06,"Depression & anxiety is the worst mix I am 19, turning 20 in September. My depression started when I was around 14, right after my grandfather suddenly passed away from a Sudden Cardiac Arrest just a day before Christmas Eve.

My depression became worse when my grandmother died of Pancreatic Cancer in August 2018.

One of my friends has noticed and told me that I look more tired than normal, and he's very much right. But I haven't told him that I have depression.

You wanna know what makes me more depressed? 

*(Side-note: I know it's not good to compare myself to others, but only in this text. Sorry.)*

My friends are extroverted, which makes me feel left out/lonely because I'm introverted. I'm not invited to anything they do such as partying and travelling abroad.
Hell, their love-life is more active than mine.

As icing on the cake, I have social and general anxiety which mentally torments me every day. It's ruining me physically and mentally.

There are a few levels of anxiety attacks that I have, those are; Non-intense(facial numbness), Medium-intense(facial numbness, sweats) & Highly-intense(facial numbness, increased sweating, suicidal thoughts, self-destructive thoughts).

Sorry about the paragraph, but I need to pour everything out for you guys to understand.",6.589369369369372,9.080617126126127,6.547927927927924,70.08423423423423,66.92792792792794,10.15855855855856,34.85585585585586,10.380263240014207,4.3676288288288285,1030,50,154,29,18,326,145,222,0.235,0.698,0.067,-0.9873,0,2,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,2,0,7,15,2,0,6,0,13,7,2,2,0,25,29,12,2,3,6,0,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,11,7,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,12,0,1,5,2,27,3,24,24,7,24,1,6,1,0,12,11,1,0,10,103,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24348513789164836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25786645481674125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246312850388716,0.10002467842651604,0.0,0.12782630448457466,0.10556640069227967,0.0,0.0,0.06849392586263284,0.0,0.0956105208626264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492647112770668,0.0,0.4838797262319678,0.0,0.1166124731085472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946685783137192,0.0,0.10098238408153154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056812851453692526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736189073200753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424266743780957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112545732140834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350079898188593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208002619112444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435453224357372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140974987483968,0.0,0.1500030299089623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264659393591491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259790545799557,0.08331389671159865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008944639309397,0.0,0.12792318882776055,0.0,0.0,0.07613839155553585,0.085455233333069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191052843437795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721652002838273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145373931612952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515567905373058,0.07952934945309563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290416442735283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840339314101855,0.0,0.12914188085165093,0.0,0.21473057064633755,0.0,0.0,0.12221597306472902,0.0,0.11697125669125155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270919061102292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450496202501408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redcupcounter,2019/04/06,"It's stupid but it means a lot to me. Throwaway.

I have a best friend, they mean a lot to me. I've known them for over a decade. Lately I dont feel like I mean a lot to them.
I have my insecurities. I've felt before that I'm replaceable as a friend. This made my friend, who we'll call F, upset.

I feel this way because they never really reach out to me anymore. We share similar group chats, and I feel half of the info I get about F's life is through that, especially about important matters.  I try to reach out to them. Lately I've backed off though. I feel like I ""can take a hint"".

Recently I caught MRSA, have have been fighting it for over two weeks. It's been terrifying and stressful. The wound is still open, and I've been exhausted. I still go to work (I've been cleared).

Very recently, a friend of F's passed away. They are holding a wake for that person. I can't go.
F is very withdrawn right now. I expect that. I also tried to reach out, hoped they have fun at the wake. F thanked me.

I'm sure I'm being petty, and I'm dealing with coming close to my mortality.
But I wish I had died.
My problem: I dont think F would notice. Maybe be sad for a day, move on. They mean a lot to me, and lately I feel like I'm insignificant to them.
Maybe they think I'm blowing it off... that's what I'm afraid of. To me, F probably thinks I just dont want to go... for whatever excuse. I'm not in their head. I fear this. I'm not going to ask them right now.

I can't talk to anyone, they'll just call the cops on me. That's why I'm here. I'm ready to be called selfish, it's okay.

Maybe I stop my antibiotics. I don't want to hurt my parents. I love them so much.",-0.5303658536585374,1.4276289751381237,1.8373925346988318,97.61528163320308,87.97790055248619,5.1891658806090835,17.116561110362486,6.584502450881947,-0.3765640210214256,1267,30,316,15,41,429,163,362,0.17800000000000002,0.65,0.172,0.3833,1,0,0,0,2,0,66.0,2,0,14,2,13,27,2,5,15,1,27,7,3,1,3,52,67,11,2,7,6,1,6,3,4,3,3,0,0,1,17,13,0,2,15,1,0,8,9,12,0,2,8,6,54,15,42,53,6,39,0,2,0,1,35,16,0,5,17,182,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384685208528275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917837903466902,0.055824963936834684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463825806465531,0.0,0.07501093703223435,0.06139090959425547,0.0,0.04866883332461877,0.0,0.06793671767735178,0.0,0.08378562272936196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24457222935695816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877383335267295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148925381927586,0.08231002967594593,0.0,0.0,0.0828598002788406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807105249845531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984055462788545,0.20184382507446205,0.17111000810445665,0.07665751934589743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467322337256484,0.0,0.041712342257314565,0.0,0.1814963300465393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819373760909482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929768531128169,0.0,0.0,0.08546880898878217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701840540087472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056392322342826325,0.11701523443271315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715034887120054,0.07205740001015816,0.07554515754546495,0.0,0.0,0.24062563523223926,0.3478703048015807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848557336348125,0.05869051369255655,0.0,0.061576404412519326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089670765694224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865125109915181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697119341493172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607945022520028,0.07639470093852901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114661350091088,0.0,0.15766185412884492,0.0,0.0,0.13636335491039162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751832333424656,0.06674859488769297,0.09145477852869456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524687967971777,0.0,0.060028646513822836,0.06417119471650817,0.0,0.0735046015524604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347193926215802,0.07844096079224054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841025667685177,0.0,0.07799065318758666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317503147522094,0.09418167960047176,0.06337211736234763,0.06404166149515979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204186481481223,0.0,0.0918103815556088,0.0,0.0,0.05812340844045673,0.0,0.0,0.05671500857355941,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sundontrise,2019/04/06,"I don’t know Did I just eat for the last time, watch my favourite show for the last time, maybe my demons are finally catching up to me, this pain is to much, I thought I was strong, but am I just a coward, ",17.502666666666666,4.055847711111113,14.808888888888893,69.04000000000003,60.77777777777778,18.88888888888889,53.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,5.179888888888888,157,4,42,1,1,49,34,45,0.14800000000000002,0.8029999999999999,0.049,-0.6471,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,8,1,5,5,1,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32555384656567404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485252361151614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748506633313038,0.5186805311355495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319631280791358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338818643792761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385412796437892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525809702319232,0.3710395912011384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CreepingFog,2019/04/06,"I'll never find love Soon to be 25, no one wants an ugly Arab dude like me. 

Background, I am a computer engineer living in Sweden with a really good job. And I have been working with starting a new exciting start-up with two other guys.

But I am still depressed because I am getting nowhere with women, and I never have. Sometimes I hear guys claiming women are attracted to guys with money, lol that's not true I see guys working at McDonald's who is doing 100x times better in the love department than I'll ever do. 

I remember in 6th grade when a girl picked her friend up and pushed her towards me yelling ""this is the closest you will ever get to a girl in your life"".

That girl must have had psychic powers.

A few years ago I approached a group of girls at a bar and they took pictures of my face to laugh at it. It really is over for me. 

Girls might pretend to be sweet but in reality they decided before I even opened my mouth that they don't want anything to do with me.

I have tried pickup stuff for many years now, paid $2000 for a bootcamp once to some pickup artist named Willy beck, and then another time I got burned again by paying $2000 for a 2 month online bootcamp to another pickup artist named John Wayne. I think I have spent nearly $5000 in total on pickup advice. I have been camera man for rsd max and that's when I really realized that they are all just running a big scam on desperate naive guys like me.

So what's the point with my life when I'll just be alone?",4.359276315789472,4.959720585526316,5.126815789473683,85.3787105263158,70.11842105263158,8.185263157894736,26.38421052631579,8.238735603445708,1.5108478947368431,1174,34,244,16,20,381,176,304,0.095,0.8320000000000001,0.073,-0.7407,2,1,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,2,4,4,14,13,0,0,15,1,27,7,2,1,8,39,41,13,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,3,2,2,0,13,12,14,1,0,5,4,4,5,5,1,0,2,7,4,32,12,39,28,4,44,0,1,1,2,29,19,0,2,22,157,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887204546552473,0.09876140233664978,0.0,0.0,0.11539085191859345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23365367274275844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168387027005588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791667462141357,0.0,0.09480473712127303,0.0,0.0,0.09853624359082427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596033957318853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358760837519214,0.2015598946972564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182997923452217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607784331293443,0.0,0.11641797771856753,0.0,0.0,0.09344841165426176,0.08910760509831737,0.0,0.0,0.5515847247739211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557118412317478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056077105465358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738939054313592,0.10886207948465357,0.0,0.09838021836292972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201110183098612,0.0,0.0,0.11295586702914967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819218505647347,0.0,0.0,0.08892924398185903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185801824948135,0.10760391454785817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865180970737195,0.07549671449474045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053218301974818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412314636509355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262098494407264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878218588946456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019086381245474,0.0,0.15771818833953952,0.0,0.08897501627370344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754187552553786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138931324462754,0.0,0.0,0.12993229047616475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378456924174425,0.07564249670046247,0.0,0.10883486318077516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142921355971435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622208033058061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349336499073473
suicidewatch,bolongi101,2019/04/06,"A shitty 2019 (sorry for the rant) For the past 3 years I have had on and off suicidal thoughts. Things can be really good for like a month or two, but once something bad happens I always think about killing myself. I have never been diagnosed with anything, and I have never talked to anyone. The reason for this is because I always feel like I am being selfish, or that I just want attention. But 2018 was a pretty good year for me. I had made new friends that were good for me. I got rid of some toxic people. Everything was going well. I had recently become good friends with a girl around september last year. She ended becoming one of the closest friends I have ever had (be mindful im under 18).  We ended going on a trip together during new years and it was great. The next day after we came back she found out she was moving in 15 days. It was not a good time for me. It got even worse when she sort of distanced herself from me the weeks before she left. After that its been weird. The friends I have at the moment have been weird around me lately. Two of them (let's call them e and h) have been not talking to me as much and keep attacking me for little to no reason. One day I was talking to them and some other people and out of no context one of them told me that I spread gossip all the time. Every time we get into a conflict it is my fault. We are all in the school play and we needed to finish painting the background sets. So a (another friend we call s)  friend of mine were trying to get some people to stay after one day we didnt have practice and finish painting. The day we wanted to paint was on the last day of school before spring break, and we had a 3 hour early release. E said he had to clean his house which i thought was a bull answer but I didn't say anything on it. But when S and I tried to ask H she got rude. At first she said she couldnt stay after because she wouldn't have a ride. S and I told her one of us could give her a ride. She then got extremely rude with me and told me I wouldn't understand (This is the way her personality is ) and made a strange face towards me. And to top things off the next day she almost broke down in class telling me she couldn't tell me why she couldn't go because it was personal. Even though she made no effort to say or imply such thing. She then preceded to be mad at me  for the rest of the day. When I tried to talk to E about it he said it was my fault for ""pushing her"". At the same time I have been having issues at home. My dad's depressed. And he never gets out of bed except for work. My mom doesn't know what to do at this point and has been putting a lot of her issues on me. I don't blame her though. And to really top things off my uncle died but fortunately came back but is still in the hospital. At this point I just want a long break from everything. I have also been considering suicide because of this mess but I don't think I really want to do it. ",2.1144849354375883,3.611013816260165,3.3880631276901028,92.24992826398856,76.6910569105691,6.254423720707796,21.001912960306075,6.881172211772175,0.2710076518412245,2287,55,512,22,51,744,254,615,0.13,0.7490000000000001,0.121,-0.7935,0,0,1,0,0,2,55.0,10,0,4,5,22,31,5,0,34,0,64,2,1,5,6,95,102,38,4,11,15,2,1,2,6,2,1,5,3,3,26,38,0,2,12,1,0,11,18,15,1,8,45,6,85,16,83,46,9,106,0,2,0,0,70,35,0,9,56,364,111,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604325779319265,0.0,0.0,0.044757102505648426,0.0931387058308622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058686689538259826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03913370121924894,0.0,0.09211278841961401,0.09964568785117696,0.052321955710215085,0.06367098718141354,0.0,0.08607093831203784,0.04673043387524895,0.13646880876950185,0.12362317284592556,0.09524825540094016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429792784712255,0.12802357125203828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468540774862617,0.0,0.0,0.2887546979513358,0.0,0.048204632012934984,0.05680572394269048,0.05808531593263125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914099316617246,0.0,0.0,0.07393186806581957,0.05062570951531871,0.0471549409223736,0.0,0.1005997647875311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028298794612216356,0.039983115441326635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760583434618277,0.0,0.061365355654827224,0.2594416055522014,0.0,0.08772195576694658,0.053689021423155237,0.09542267452874673,0.23471396183166274,0.1790489417783786,0.06170424635745865,0.0,0.0,0.0494917791847334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613985665501586,0.0,0.05511660653920818,0.0645788550951674,0.0,0.0,0.06045438652622138,0.11683083121298908,0.0,0.049746388826478805,0.061919626081056375,0.0,0.03075821451843232,0.09124178735869527,0.06313365501825376,0.0,0.06080873427471815,0.057230449387629986,0.0,0.05468568061619082,0.056094029122910505,0.0,0.049529380002615635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758147456781765,0.0,0.15887309630636245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651111058133192,0.06554833212510455,0.044672637679283145,0.059484479570148616,0.04114247220737168,0.04149911139923431,0.12949650707316548,0.108107310311771,0.11904391091085333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960344502793639,0.18962476355291066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053427207722984,0.11640222627601532,0.09773713442975566,0.0,0.0,0.10581454984798648,0.0,0.0,0.05693895746970527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626268643239599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756243174930426,0.1150875989763778,0.05526104683320701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971341624548807,0.08901503166479786,0.0,0.11328397565978578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430864320491881,0.0,0.06265091230745527,0.0,0.11930758459763326,0.04469563089183911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243848415003893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993787609138706,0.0978359335067126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872899126077496,0.07172328880701292,0.10997535534345088,0.08886371395625556,0.13054014349801835,0.0,0.0,0.16043772210512164,0.0,0.11399455444416424,0.0,0.10934401760439852,0.058264028013743065,0.06732188050561383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320440695306923,0.04442431005052445,0.0448936653030638,0.0,0.05032140608368976,0.0,0.05050186536851777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074492734696383,0.0,0.057035553039732186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416465982595936
suicidewatch,Pineappleheart117,2019/04/06,"Anyway - original song <lyrics> by me, Pineapple Darkness is rising

My problems sizing up.

Fear is an anchor chained to my leg

Dragging me down

So help me

​

Loop a hole from a rope

Cut your skin, pale as a ghost

Suffocate at the most

They seem to see eye to eye

​

Love, laughter

Skill, falling after

No more

​

It means, nothing

No, it won't!

It won't get better

I try, oh I try!

Drowning out the noise don't help the pain!

So they tell me,..

Forget about what they say,

I'm worthless anyway.

​

Moonlight

Gray figure looking down on me

Disapproving glances from my family

""I know I let you down. And my life deserves only a frown.""

​

Loop a hole from a rope

Cut your skin, pale as a ghost

Suffocate at the most

They seem to see eye to eye

​

It means, nothing

No, it won't!

It won't get better

I try, oh I try!

Drowning out the noise don't help the pain!

So they tell me,..

Forget about what they say,

I'm worthless anyway.

​

Oh God, oh why?

Waste a precious life on me.

You'll see, I don't deserve, it'll be wasted anyways.

​

Darkness is rising

My problems sizing up.

Fear is an anchor chained to my leg

Dragging me down

Oh..

Just forget me, you'll do it anyway.",1.1355276782158477,3.702121851851853,2.2292366918890245,93.04167264038229,87.68312757201647,4.123138191955396,23.065047125979024,5.642373280135919,0.3449326695871502,962,37,189,6,31,304,99,243,0.208,0.6809999999999999,0.111,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,80.0,0,5,6,3,11,14,2,2,16,0,17,13,8,1,0,18,31,6,4,2,1,0,2,0,0,7,4,3,0,0,10,3,0,0,6,1,0,3,10,10,0,0,0,15,33,4,27,22,3,17,0,2,10,1,19,12,0,4,2,116,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821438275005929,0.5407085829170465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838883222136736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243683273290198,0.12518367768941904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812190753316704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184966625475597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03056919019581269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056878740190653324,0.07857696708977173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046709683917329096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050202329979880535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118047438145585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067443895632429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423041357225436,0.11837453252271438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644824777717944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846799061164051,0.0,0.0,0.13297405005610846,0.10127498886704077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723468368293356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510586692866415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019150662234962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407085829170465,0.0
suicidewatch,Downpour92,2019/04/06,"Maybe it’ll be better that way I feel trapped. I have no hope left. Like, I’m just not meant to be happy in this life. Maybe there is only one way to escape this hell and I’m ready ",-1.3619512195121963,0.5251201219512218,0.5592195121951207,105.65834146341464,91.6829268292683,3.28,10.639024390243902,3.1291,-2.138594146341464,139,1,37,0,5,45,32,41,0.204,0.4970000000000001,0.298,0.4767,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,4,3,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24846192307291454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420478882423321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990578178830921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790293123115642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052339298820872,0.0,0.1984308982185669,0.1372494050554218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644688136004794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903670993075765,0.21366178819791035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459822063640457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostSoulinaLostMind,2019/04/06,"Should I ask? So I've finally come to the conclusion. Everyone right, I'm just a big fucking idiot that cannot do anything right. I've ruined my life trying to better those around me. I'm done... I've got it all planned out, only problem is, do I ask my GF to join me? Or should I just leave her a note? ",-0.7486363636363613,1.2814261818181834,1.9305303030303025,95.91579545454546,90.21212121212122,5.118181818181818,18.85606060606061,6.6274283507984215,0.03455151515151566,232,7,55,3,8,80,46,66,0.171,0.7509999999999999,0.078,-0.7213,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,2,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,1,11,14,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,8,1,5,10,1,7,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,1,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595037519261396,0.21197501732133586,0.4452153507946511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105955370865155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511710170861264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367682740033625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275314309838924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26084603106571136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201357486569508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044427989459844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521320016612091,0.0,0.0,0.1681893992772298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810990532629802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784624440013534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40670200823399855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616661203906729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeMySquishy27,2019/04/06,"Question about effectiveness. I’m curious if anyone knows a good way to kill yourself without damaging your brain. I’ve read that when oxygen/blood supply is cut off from your brain long enough to kill you, that it releases DMT(I might be wrung in the acronym) which is hallucinogenic chemical that makes your dream. I don’t want to give a biology lesson to explain it, and it might not even be true, but I don’t care. It’s what I want to believe will happen. My problem is that I hear that the throat/slicing is incredibly ineffective in actually killing you, and I’ve already tried hanging myself once in my life, and obviously it didn’t fucking work and left me with throat problems. I don’t have access to a gun, and I feel like chemicals would damage my possibilities of a what I call a “dream like death”. So is there any way I can fairly painlessly kill myself, keep my brain in tact for the dream, and that’s also free?",9.131,6.9915948777777785,8.918333333333333,71.1975,61.33333333333334,12.111111111111116,37.5,10.686352973137794,3.7396666666666665,738,27,143,14,8,240,111,180,0.211,0.633,0.157,-0.9528,0,0,0,1,0,2,20.0,0,5,0,4,6,17,6,0,8,0,17,6,4,2,2,28,30,11,5,6,4,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,14,7,0,1,6,4,1,1,6,11,0,0,1,2,20,7,17,23,1,11,0,2,0,1,10,6,1,4,4,91,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.11762507577933125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301371261681466,0.09639204438886266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196814458265325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428109180102257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358020188816763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036718103610133,0.1230800288423993,0.0,0.12289378247810845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454519703424713,0.0,0.07961243589721484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060946274751986364,0.0861104500216248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143295242767318,0.0,0.11562845328430855,0.0,0.10109929982490796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658897714517043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585205535656208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713732238011628,0.53341784982562,0.0,0.06624305446959437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096196771673185,0.0,0.08513765457379156,0.11777492863229448,0.0,0.0,0.1066699569115864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804582558394704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573783315214804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836617200894346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588545200912558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23067202731011405,0.0,0.0,0.13502713374412895,0.0,0.12056792922973585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183556379447468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218969838231,0.19135063829452928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619173816638345,0.0,0.08775114173116694,0.0,0.0,0.08562482636786768,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sorry4OffendingU,2019/04/06,"I don't know what to do with myself I'm a normal teenager I guess. It's not some sob story where i have abusive parents or anything like that, but it's honestly just me. the problem is me. I'm just lazy and I have no drive to do anything and I don't know why.. my mom keeps on yelling at me about how horrible we ""all"" are I guess... yeah we can be sort of lazy sometimes but we're not rude, we do our school work and extra curricular work and everything she asks of us, honestly. she makes the argument that she ""shouldn't have to ask"" us to do thing, but honestly it's not that hard. it won't kill you to ask for help instead of expecting us to just know you want help... anyway, I just feel like I've been trying so hard for what feels like ages to have a drive for living, to want something, to care at all about anything, but I just don't and it's driving me crazy. I just don't feel like I have any purpose at all in being here and I don't enjoy being here anyway... so what's even the point?? just had to vent I guess...",0.9103393665158348,2.51348033936652,2.655246606334842,95.70703280542988,80.44796380090497,5.8679638009049775,20.552262443438913,6.742157984588678,0.09414371040724047,789,21,190,8,20,261,105,221,0.122,0.674,0.204,0.9517,1,0,1,0,1,0,34.0,7,2,0,2,19,13,2,0,5,1,24,0,0,2,3,48,43,14,1,6,15,2,5,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,12,10,0,1,6,0,0,3,11,4,0,0,2,6,30,9,24,36,5,11,0,1,0,0,19,7,1,6,5,132,42,3,0.0,0.13508677287021575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753275622336868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814689771707309,0.0,0.31976032014661354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624386188996808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530451758052374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246754145715377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294521013477546,0.24435275058882264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767945521544885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426652438827214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284103413227185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013400015434769,0.12613850272656912,0.0,0.1879757051900861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228039899491587,0.0,0.10067557632141436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610456925578933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353065891678753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170854218664213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659795466781892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777914636498737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909505242583106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538725261303046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877727849874304,0.11276178183248955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757451774866527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740734953053588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114308376119116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449565411394004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028790076048684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600565780293794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway13290321,2019/04/06,"When is it okay to give up? It's been three years since the last time I hung out with a friend. The only people I ever talk to are my family, the people I work with and the people at the psychiatry clinic I go to.

I never used to be the outgoing kid, but I was able to talk to people and make friends. We would laugh and have fun, and I would forget my anxiety for a moment. Today I can't even believe how that was possible. I feel like the person I was five years ago is a stranger. She can't be me.

She can't be the same person as the one who freaks out at the mere thought of meeting a friend for coffee.

She can't be the same person as the one who stops chatting with people online because they suggest that we meet in person.

She can't be the same person as the one who won't even try and make friends anymore, because everyone will just be dissappointed in the end.

How did this happen? How did it all go so wrong? I had the potential of living a happy life, and it slipped through my fingers even without me noticing. I've tried to fix it. I've seen doctors, got medication, went through therapy. I did all this and ended up in a worse place than when I started. There are no words for how lonely and hopeless I feel. How can I keep living like this?

How much do I have to suffer before it's okay to give up?

I know the answer is always that suicide is wrong, but I just keep getting worse and worse. I feel like I have an illness I can't cure that keeps me alive just to suffer. I want to kill the illness, even if I have to kill myself to do it. ",3.0183006362672344,3.743686445121952,4.361983032873805,89.1894856839873,73.26829268292683,6.923860021208907,24.321845174973486,6.8959733430537185,0.7124966595970309,1206,33,270,10,23,400,150,328,0.205,0.6659999999999999,0.129,-0.9884,0,2,0,0,0,3,32.0,2,0,1,1,18,21,2,0,25,2,37,7,1,9,4,54,59,24,3,4,7,0,4,3,4,4,6,0,0,6,17,16,0,4,6,1,0,3,10,9,0,5,12,5,37,12,38,37,6,29,0,4,1,0,28,11,0,1,18,197,54,2,0.08542762650161463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572643648564703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108262871381843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535190044803897,0.0,0.0847212504015937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041517764096442,0.0,0.07269261811087488,0.09624768114333064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743879560288298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132704163503854,0.0,0.0,0.2256965664687296,0.07727417899462799,0.0,0.08162975804279947,0.0,0.0,0.08053356340166358,0.0,0.12958432431657668,0.12205902688400072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26400468929103,0.0,0.04463240895183725,0.1638999271800407,0.09710097764258573,0.0,0.06832427687553988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554336798630873,0.0909392969312288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277959987909209,0.18902602313633424,0.0,0.04694878939984652,0.06963491747223978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603400589931507,0.12520686957779573,0.0,0.15086831861519326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114047208092438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605934625824653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627991349073724,0.0,0.06588705200416654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725991898258432,0.0,0.0,0.1736639118055357,0.06497155947076019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29612379937457983,0.37296054182024097,0.08925368735073687,0.0,0.0,0.09630681314382412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706666154268696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060466113731423375,0.0,0.0,0.07142132095124941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344395792791947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373269804820384,0.0,0.0,0.09769393599606983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781999308380343,0.04981353600386567,0.0,0.08097540113334778,0.0,0.0,0.11599950155583524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378204079479389,0.0,0.0,0.05038742746413431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919226562976286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823491834555957,0.0,0.06219232953129655,0.0,0.2611741490743698,0.12137066965680515,0.1868033978520752,0.0,0.1100251812245708
suicidewatch,tdawg157,2019/04/06,"Bought a rope today Ive been feeling suicidal every day for two months now and even though I've had a plan, I hadn't done anything about it.  I got on antidepressants and now that they kicked in the emotional pain has subsided a bit, but not my suicidal thoughts.   So today I finally had the motivation to go out and buy a rope.  Not sure if I should consider this progress or that I'm getting worse",7.174499999999997,5.945243450000002,7.5500000000000025,76.55500000000005,64.5,12.0,36.25,11.20814326018867,3.813875,316,13,66,8,4,104,60,80,0.204,0.68,0.116,-0.8663,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,0,6,0,8,1,0,1,1,14,15,8,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,8,1,7,1,6,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,44,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136319194416322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22734337039609034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429711438221215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21310109207549252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342411722034893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754008662119582,0.0,0.17545058250946924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529204155302901,0.0,0.0,0.22811596275561266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879643389167568,0.0,0.11834718697693987,0.0,0.16654798266227633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621461398853907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215812857607317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555599677468418,0.0,0.1962630657403016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459404443383916,0.16531873513791573,0.0,0.0,0.3947729949222712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341952727921803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122136261615537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GlitteringArticle,2019/04/06,"I feel alone in this. I woke up crying and fantasizing about killing myself, I've been feeling worse than usual lately. Read the news today and a girl from my college got stabbed to death after leaving her friends, half a mile away from them. When I was 9 years old I was a victim of home invasion, saw my parents being held at gunpoint. I don't like the number 9. Living in México is worse than what you think, you're not safe outside, you're not safe at home, no one can help you.  
I want to go to a therapist but I'm afraid to go outside, I go to school but that's it, my grades are okay but I do everything mechanically, I'm not learning anything. I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything anymore, I've been getting panic attacks in the classroom, feeling the need to run away. I push people away, I don't talk to anyone, I don't enjoy playing videogames anymore and they make me motion sick, all I do is watch twitch streamers and try not to feel anything.  
I don't see a better future, I don't want someone to kill me, I'd rather kill myself. I guess this is me reaching out for help.",2.738933333333332,4.201780071111114,4.074333333333335,88.11550000000004,74.95555555555555,6.2444444444444445,26.277777777777786,6.691623216298621,1.0170444444444442,856,31,178,7,18,282,128,225,0.267,0.659,0.07400000000000001,-0.9928,1,1,0,1,0,3,27.0,0,2,2,1,4,16,5,2,9,1,18,2,0,1,1,31,41,8,4,4,9,1,5,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,5,5,0,3,7,2,0,6,11,7,0,2,8,8,29,9,28,32,1,25,0,0,3,0,11,11,0,1,10,107,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796395283304335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259123728844071,0.07964011276130498,0.0,0.2811849874126374,0.0,0.0,0.1295753900287149,0.32103269195145395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073350354925566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251115778999101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236415623650404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879511934354638,0.08136873648765082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799729337036742,0.0,0.05950699125698417,0.0,0.19419253284728133,0.0,0.09109461582187696,0.0,0.1254714610347563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268682428383218,0.0,0.2284979122909943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780337036564985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848187746202538,0.12060151053337108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128959528519984,0.0,0.10057399911438847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602778310894642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445390567103653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951676563333268,0.0,0.07718021593245779,0.0,0.0,0.13363473361296993,0.1264702229267133,0.0,0.0,0.07896251515074311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392879795532855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527083197482715,0.09076194008921867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965053850668653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154687836490064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224432829411156,0.0,0.07298122373092236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079619630764868,0.0,0.0,0.07732924893597372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254425286786709,0.0,0.13435995394314193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321435353144365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334656195953683
suicidewatch,finalsomething14,2019/04/06,"just wanna do it for the past 2 days I have had a serious urge to just shoot myself with my 9mm, I can't think clearly anymore, I don't talk to anyone im alone with my thoughts and my urges, I don't know what the point of this post was just gotta put it somewhere I guess I don't know ",2.5512686567164167,1.9152825970149288,4.151455223880601,95.13225746268658,73.77611940298506,7.2970149253731345,24.212686567164177,5.985473137389443,0.2539582089552237,222,5,60,1,4,75,46,67,0.142,0.858,0.0,-0.7147,0,1,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,1,13,14,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,10,0,7,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993662792165555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28665768175430184,0.20210889565121826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641187550239854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184186654969263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122211525465566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31770614967877714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759287676400309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732435362271335,0.0,0.2768278280997596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29057280724648443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323256189013876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521011610995497,0.0,0.2294716131058208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SkymallSuperbug,2019/04/06,"I could use some conversation I still have okay days, like one a month. I'm starting to think my therapist is right and I could have brain damage. I have wanted to kill myself for all of my teenage and adult life, and it feels like it just moves closer to reality every day.  Lately I've just been feeling overwhelmed with negative emotions, like I'm being stabbed in the heart and stomach. 

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Like I am being abandoned, heartbroken, and punished for being a freak all at once. And there is no reason, it's just that it's happening now, every pain and trauma I've ever felt being replayed at once every single day. And life isn't even that bad right now. It will get worse, and I will check out. I just don't have the ability to handle any more. ",3.7039639639639645,5.478546243243244,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,73.05405405405405,6.825225225225225,24.495495495495497,7.492282038375204,1.13889009009009,596,18,115,7,12,190,89,148,0.244,0.653,0.104,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,2,1,4,1,18,6,3,2,3,29,29,9,1,3,4,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,5,0,1,1,4,9,0,1,2,3,10,5,12,19,5,18,0,3,0,0,2,7,0,1,14,78,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045901984195634,0.16873488524693794,0.09443224033736833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159455886775556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501808093668848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221743111589437,0.0,0.0,0.2686672580985027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562032407501632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171832202336,0.12561038289613538,0.35099657316872096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042755986122052,0.09920442573640846,0.13333115817126726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255067670672917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279692261348467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645544362665172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363237405045302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664457162967327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961674135582072,0.2713676251414115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083987123532872,0.14759039086499748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957711259186375,0.09409779886349234,0.0,0.14776102168472113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277525700301968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717809025730124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828861072174404,0.0,0.11089692102802927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161231736064938,0.0,0.08897840500282696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993385779920908,0.0,0.0,0.08190554903677665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415142172742445,0.0,0.0,0.16873488524693794,0.0
suicidewatch,warblayz,2019/04/06,"Im here to help Hi. If you are here for help with depression or other mental illnesses, contact me. I may not be able to respond right away, but as soon as I see it, I'll read it, respond to it, etc. I'm here for you. We are here for you. Everyone is here for you. Contact me",-1.0897423887587827,0.7568713606557402,1.9298829039812655,96.74737704918032,89.49180327868851,5.4529274004683845,20.18969555035129,6.868970318607317,0.2344875878220134,207,7,52,3,7,73,37,61,0.07400000000000001,0.865,0.062,-0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,4,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,11,5,1,3,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,3,1,40,13,1,0.29980269844735835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816745040926355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582196248675123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343592580330901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28647432612883955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019028583992131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238383607244971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021306056877161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998838293153331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25602986637993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389039350763266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kenielf,2019/04/06,"I'm back, a lot changed, but I didn't. I'm really close to giving up again Hey, perhaps you'll remember me, perhaps not, it doesn't trully matter, in the midst of the last year, I was awful, I had a lot of issues to be ""fixed"" no one helped, So here I am. Again.

Hello, my name is Chrystian, last time I wasn't as comfortable to say it, anyways, I'm now a 15 year old kid from Brazil. I lived in an abusive hoisehold, my father would torture me mentally every day, to the point I would really want to stay in school for the longest I could, he would humiliate me for more than six hours per day, my mother never got as much as I since she worked every day, but she started 12 years earlier than I, as a result, my mind deteriorated, a lot, and, after a while, I still don't know when, I changed, I couldn't feel happiness, I couldn't feel joy I just died emotionally  , it was weird and I didn't want it let slip, so I faked it, for years and years, he tried to kill me once, we fought a lot, while all of that was happening, my school's principal was always stalking me, being aware of everything I did, keep this in mind, so when I got worse, I became suicidal, but never told anyone at the time (I was around 13), in the middle of last year, I couldn't handle it anymore, I wanted to feel pain so I wouldn't think about the rest, when I finally pressed the knife on my wrists, I lost every ounce of my strenght, nearlly kneeling on the ground, I calles my at the time best friend(cam), telling everything, she gave me the care that I craved, but out of pity, it didn't feel anywhere near right, after a while I got more open to others, and got worse as days passed, told 'em that I was going to kill myself that wednessday went home to the same abuse as always, apathetic to everything and everyone, my friend (fab) called, yelling it through the phone for me not to do so, I said to myself, perhaps another day, got of the phone and lived the day, after a while, my principal removed me from my class to question me out of my way, being just like my father, telling that O was selfishly wanting to kill myself just 'cause I got rejected by a girl (which wasn't even close to the reason) I was filled with hatred, I was forced by my friends to take the school's counseling, I did, I was harassed, the counselor told me many times that I was faking it. I lost every single ounce of trust in anyone, after telling my friend that I was harassed and filled with hatred about the principal, she said that if I considered myself a monster, she wouldn't hang out with monsters, I felt betrayed, blocked everyone for two hours or so, after I unblocked everyone again, a barrage of horrible messages I received. Things on the line of, go on ahead, jump of a building/bridge (don't recall) you'll see what's depression really like. I lost every single friend of mine, I was alone, ignored in school, but things took another turn, unexpected to say the least, my father got sick, I told mom what would happen (Multiple organ failure) he had a tumor in his prostate, his kidmrys shit down, he had a blood infection generalized. It was the most likely thing to happen, no one listened to me, on the nineteenth of october eleventh and a half hours in the morning, he passed away, every organ of his body shut down. I didn't feel a thing, I called myself a monster for not being able to mourn his death, after that, I got a pause on life, I started talking to a girl on my english classes, she was incredible, still is, I told her everything, she made me feel welcome in this world. I fell in love with her, I never had a chance to begin with, told her, she knew, didn't change her treatment with me, still gave me love as she did before, not out of pity, she understood, even not understanding how I felt about everything she was there for me, so here comes march seventh, the day before my birthday combined with my friends, even the ones that I had lost, to come eat a pizza or two with me, a few of them pretty much had confirmed they would come, and then next day 8th of march, she was the only one there, I felt hated, but thankful that she was there.

 That is the summary, now to the today.
I have a friend that comes frequently to my home to shoot some lead 4,5s, he recorded me, sent to his group, a girl from there marked me as interesting, and started talking to me, she is just as depressed as I am, cutting her wrists and those things, drugging herself to sleep, while her actions are worse than mine, our mental state is pretty much the same, promised her that I would be there for her when she needed, marked a day for her to come here with my friend so we could have fun, none of them came, instead, were at a party, I feel hated, undeserving of living, and I have finally mustered the courage to (down the road) so, I'm really close to actually killing myself
Thanks for reading, that is all. It's Impossible to help, everyone that I know tried, I'll hopefully go soon.",11.941280766852195,6.326303667346938,10.814063079777368,70.4246165739023,59.775510204081634,14.042053184910328,42.45207173778602,10.368888859301958,4.135108843537416,3854,125,796,53,33,1231,372,980,0.206,0.69,0.104,-0.999,0,2,1,1,2,4,167.0,3,2,3,8,45,55,12,0,60,1,72,16,7,6,5,120,154,51,8,20,18,5,11,3,7,10,5,6,2,4,39,38,2,3,19,1,0,23,26,28,0,8,68,18,148,27,135,65,22,136,0,10,1,3,98,43,1,11,70,560,187,9,0.04087141812626556,0.09685189427174824,0.03988460831829043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042330463004034216,0.0,0.0,0.06801658804418856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571449109996844,0.0,0.0,0.04053346430358959,0.0571564917233803,0.0,0.0,0.03638422737621673,0.0,0.0,0.03840004273443872,0.03142759769701885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955713300653055,0.0,0.04289203175740176,0.0,0.0,0.045398931736615626,0.0,0.0,0.12520286281623585,0.046746014066422314,0.04167113471695488,0.04198620496595104,0.12970962306283265,0.17603553856545814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526500327252317,0.0,0.0,0.2372281513504371,0.0,0.07040498508535374,0.0,0.042418079250326084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739786921000419,0.04182166430389075,0.0,0.04597484424956432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809855586146209,0.0,0.2066155952471286,0.15621756610316634,0.18366297603816584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466071937343802,0.0,0.1177289126864347,0.08954528155637774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252617250067332,0.0,0.0,0.03920758851068695,0.06968450641007116,0.0,0.2615088540054098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084273802073763,0.043508384596341584,0.0,0.08070412752771397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054790500075034526,0.0,0.08199472966476934,0.04059454027866299,0.12075034180243285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042659141796024896,0.0,0.0363283943588516,0.18087267420930264,0.0,0.044923725044540334,0.0999469824252503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179379415740564,0.028868691334014544,0.05990313120426174,0.0,0.1082706330137536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846392385631454,0.13898967246083016,0.0737761011713147,0.03867352406061991,0.0,0.04143720295729586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237755282227892,0.0,0.08253696235183036,0.04786811093588946,0.0,0.0,0.090135585145344,0.030305638660767287,0.09456767190594008,0.0,0.04346721685341265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042887678010959836,0.04352672640568575,0.11078212273189013,0.031084555221662157,0.043490070535584915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038636700939143405,0.0,0.0,0.08316185154892365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045785342164874725,0.0,0.04088247851246327,0.0,0.10473310809663916,0.042022624958877416,0.0,0.0,0.0462993493302612,0.03490396776219619,0.07775615619730736,0.06500518430522095,0.0,0.1654562286586198,0.032569228606290364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195392336855114,0.033809259427627976,0.0,0.040900934975637834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678700034141612,0.0435634936073777,0.09791990193419632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04470669773054014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030730219920206362,0.06570179541617976,0.10717026276909604,0.0752578211249228,0.0,0.0,0.13576577050552896,0.02618875441977889,0.0,0.0,0.0953298103546537,0.0,0.038741325414215766,0.23432634915474956,0.04540964939278384,0.05549802007477436,0.044456366398213515,0.0798508733200639,0.04254858767741949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642808541120296,0.032441829300709484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788821407626433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02975487917216185,0.0,0.12495440044080387,0.1742032966717521,0.0,0.0,0.15791911950740842
suicidewatch,sadthrowaway500,2019/04/06,"I’ve never felt this lonely and unimportant in my life I feel incredibly lonely and like every friend I have doesn’t care about me or what happens to me. I have an amazing partner and I feel really guilty for even feeling this way because he does everything right and is supportive and amazing, but lately he’s been depressed himself and I feel like it’s been a vicious cycle. I try to reach out and ask my friends how they are and strike up conversations but I always get brushed off or a reply that’s a week later, and I’m really not sure what I’m doing wrong. I honestly can’t remember the last time someone checked on me or seriously asked how I was doing. I have no idea what direction my life is going and I’m going to graduate from college soon, and I feel like I’m going to kill myself before it happens. I have a chronic illness that requires constant management and affects literally every part of my life and makes my mental health unbelievably worse, not to mention that my medicine has been getting more and more expensive for no reason at all. I feel really hopeless and unimportant to everyone in my life. I’ve suffered from really bad anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember and I’m in therapy right now and on medication but I feel like nothing is really helping. I grew up pretty overweight and got bullied constantly for it and I developed disordered eating tendencies and my chronic illness allows me to lose weight if I don’t give the medication I’m supposed to, and I’ve been doing it on and off for the past two years until I landed in the hospital about a month ago for it. Everyone in my family and my partner were really disappointed in me and I felt horrible and it was a really scary experience. And now I’m scared to tell a professional or a friend how I really feel because I’m terrified of being involuntarily hospitalized or even just having them think I’m crazy. But I constantly think about how it would be better if I just wasn’t here anymore, how my parents would save money not having to send me money and pay for my medicine, and I wouldn’t be such a burden to my partner or my friends anymore. I just really need to feel like someone cares about me for a second.",5.381122675989194,6.351231739631334,6.777427300174796,73.12702764976959,68.00921658986175,10.225838232957257,32.707452725250285,10.324001499409627,3.568225266168758,1781,77,320,46,29,608,193,434,0.239,0.639,0.123,-0.9963,1,4,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,2,3,19,33,2,1,15,0,32,14,0,9,3,82,70,49,1,6,18,1,12,5,7,3,12,0,0,3,15,30,3,1,17,0,5,5,11,15,0,2,11,13,50,18,46,53,4,42,0,8,0,0,21,18,0,8,23,226,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405665050210077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012847448796407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528087733854424,0.0,0.14333064591265854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511200745242005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033645574122502,0.08810151712222772,0.0,0.061490357245234425,0.0,0.0,0.06391061252828109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735356963716553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23427138531173705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447976210685233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281947899014687,0.0,0.0632377011495662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739429291427255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545785295569648,0.0,0.12176912431578482,0.13810048707388287,0.06494518403022406,0.07068692690773933,0.0681229774424537,0.0,0.3288443834883658,0.20649835879222672,0.13876732380563975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332037393620813,0.0,0.07550870617915738,0.06932110396269313,0.12320591744949587,0.0,0.057795197129799636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278035873711751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681202327354245,0.0,0.0,0.04843626063401149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157595423124954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994812948937034,0.0,0.0,0.058903862089263084,0.08151563479936434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041655331785217,0.17651987551549278,0.0,0.0,0.06395034234854327,0.0,0.0808436375422311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823600903828559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559442439229595,0.07282394965236018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767951210073138,0.0,0.0,0.053581982673742715,0.05573355962213508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933814709371798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023933576262701,0.07825361733992511,0.06898306064867211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735172906053842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166408503708245,0.07429823828021416,0.0,0.0,0.16371942933716788,0.12342414669518265,0.0,0.0,0.07234771250628022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245614526621053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200301823251806,0.06810687462219739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631609101649685,0.0,0.08263885909197588,0.0,0.0,0.09260622429212108,0.0,0.0,0.04213704505530546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906172714853943,0.0,0.07059029771013843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057358881459425526,0.057964894074188575,0.08799667542585006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364201091830246,0.1026669011275272,0.07900807514614305,0.0,0.046534901859989534
suicidewatch,mazzyuniverse,2019/04/06,"I’m so tired I’m so tired of fighting with these thoughts 
I’m so tired of putting up with sadness and shame 
I’m so tired of having hope and then being afraid that I’ll get disappointed 
I’m so tired of loving someone while not wanting him ever leave 
I’m so tired of helping myself I’ve been doing this in my entire fucking life as the only kid of terribly abusive parents 
I’m so tired of having flashbacks of my parents beating me cursing me asking me to die
I’m so tired of being jealous of other people’s families 
I’m so tired of being ashamed of myself blaming myself for not being stronger 
I’m so tired of wondering if I should live and if I’m worthy living if I’m going to healthy and do any good to other people 
I’m so tired of wondering what the fucking meaning of all these shit
I’m just fucking tired
",2.3112280701754377,4.126056847953219,4.10629239766082,85.92715789473688,77.01169590643275,5.729590643274852,27.18947368421053,6.42735559955562,1.2161677192982459,655,27,127,5,15,221,81,171,0.369,0.55,0.08199999999999999,-0.996,2,0,0,0,2,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,13,15,6,3,2,0,10,18,1,0,2,21,37,21,1,6,6,2,0,0,0,1,13,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,12,0,0,2,0,10,3,24,30,1,7,0,2,0,4,8,2,4,6,3,78,17,0,0.0,0.07832790424781161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495612839435833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618026354629518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861031010035304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059799031358028526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232132318823665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334906110932284,0.03453902528916953,0.0,0.037571052080332526,0.05544877374801708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431121431167392,0.0,0.0,0.06566077592678665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999948298907249,0.0,0.0,0.046694473196894834,0.0,0.0,0.1167502448189086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966561038145082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720116673188376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027858429194183,0.0,0.0,0.14681159761979998,0.0,0.0,0.09166278617280467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664574221767644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678595481718002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601361898757225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524828596807425,0.0,0.911785601246306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03899257674659505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338395623809902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcflonilo,2019/04/06,"i want revenge, this is it im killing myself to punish her. she cheated with my dad. im in the woods now, good luck brothers. bye for now.",-2.4450000000000003,-1.1387815000000003,0.1266666666666687,103.06000000000002,114.0,2.0,18.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.0346666666666655,105,4,25,0,6,35,26,30,0.348,0.48,0.173,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183288405725904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8199075427912286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41988986563159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238545761731158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway00012354,2019/04/06,"04/14/19, Tampa. I will be ending my life. I lost my job after not being able to work for 2 weeks because of medical reasons so I did not get any paychecks and have no savings. On the 15th I have $500 in bills to pay and I have $10 in my account and when the 15th comes and I dont have the money I will be getting kicked out and losing my car. I have no friends or family to stay with or help me out and If I had the money to run away I would but this is the only other option and I am at an all time low of my life. So I guess look for me on the news.",-0.6051822916666652,0.7645859296875024,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,84.234375,4.891666666666667,17.697916666666664,5.46131890053228,-0.6873927083333333,421,9,110,2,12,148,79,128,0.08900000000000001,0.878,0.033,-0.5574,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,7,0,16,3,0,1,1,24,22,14,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,1,0,5,3,5,3,0,0,3,1,19,2,18,13,1,18,0,3,1,0,2,9,0,5,5,81,21,3,0.21422354847497727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567935900147647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012700756002337,0.0,0.0,0.1305886867992564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845346183618798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251068403358936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973847903093666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195089609463585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655085821472792,0.0,0.22384592465455436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599139042159606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435895289041792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125838166256195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30262485526173194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989382713961952,0.23966135448197545,0.2338503090665884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580768762819227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629266618980243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025748671389214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283337993242305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491547385590132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718372088213793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595729467993186,0.0,0.0,0.15217826246275046,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NerdBrenden,2019/04/06,"I wish I could try I just turned 29, and my life is still going nowhere. I work part time. I’m on government health insurance because I can’t afford it myself. 

I’ve tried dating and guys (I’m gay) are simply not interested in me. For a long time I thought it was my looks, but I feel it’s something way worse. I just think I’m meant to be alone. 

I’m filing for bankruptcy because with my small paychecks, I can’t pay my debts. 

I have nothing going for me at all. And it’ll never change. 

I really wish I could try to end it, but I promised my mom I wouldn’t. So here I am, struggling to wake up. Struggling to sleep. Struggling to work and go outside. 

I really, really hope I die really young. ",-0.11519786910197638,2.0974785000000007,2.121278538812785,94.3008523592085,89.34246575342466,5.4362252663622534,19.07001522070015,6.937597516519254,0.2527531202435309,535,16,121,8,18,180,87,146,0.187,0.722,0.091,-0.9347,2,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,3,1,0,12,5,2,0,2,22,28,7,1,6,5,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,5,3,0,0,3,2,25,3,13,20,2,17,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,8,70,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385976580846511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631514438261705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156432280489625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368952679768072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388845296585591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852522435907965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766365503082139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281597863056748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250331342187416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224491143440346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291393040301794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452136184954456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842691281771778,0.11237549879937833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567289276287452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321060316484787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840435874534264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491453803135831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429153020305353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339171225355071,0.0,0.0,0.103021542600498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686920738117847,0.0,0.0,0.419694660531632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574675950011437,0.0,0.10623851242232717,0.156063594905042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725659630736482,0.1455582536188738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622046738850537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077738931837549,0.0,0.0,0.1948458049920394,0.0,0.13637450069009496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WillOnlyGoUp,2019/04/06,"My meds are maxed out and I can’t risk changing them I have a 2 month old and a 15 month old and I’m a stay at home mum. I don’t want to be here any more. It’s my birthday today and it’s been the worst day since my 2nd child was born. There’s no me any more. There’s just the same day over and over, with the weekends being a pile of rubbish because my husband tries to give me some time to used but it just makes more work. 

Everyone hates me and thinks I’m ungrateful. I can’t do anything right. My son has bad sores on his ankles and I’ve been trying my best to help them since they are caused by eczema. I need to take him to the doctor but it’s just overwhelming. I’m a terrible mum for that. 

My daughter has terrible colic and everything we try just makes her worse. She’s laying on me screaming now and I feel nothing except annoyance. The doctor prescribed gaviscon for her reflux and it’s made her colic worse. 

I just don’t want to be here. I should have killed myself back when I was self harming before my husband and I moved in together. ",0.8427139793332046,2.900405125560539,2.2666406706960447,96.08090855917335,82.9461883408072,5.313238448040554,19.561123025930986,6.498293943080001,-0.03693628387599901,825,22,188,8,23,266,124,223,0.209,0.73,0.06,-0.9902,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,3,2,12,12,3,2,10,0,19,3,0,5,0,35,34,14,1,4,8,6,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,6,14,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,11,0,0,5,2,33,1,20,25,7,23,0,1,0,0,20,8,0,1,13,121,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18694031460227334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310896560821886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056899369613526,0.11476432596903526,0.08378774577633648,0.0,0.11695913053147515,0.0,0.1442444368891148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119817234769833,0.14540300976819484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728670339999533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813701246207456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133858394835046,0.12353046228187825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949843645957106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318537801727757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357026113347211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212928959506003,0.0,0.13787273677387465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206715543060584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005773967979714,0.183496792998824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526750558414715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21942125194935586,0.14608672844149972,0.0,0.1019168270673725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188619744721514,0.0,0.28845959077725525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738085067945005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338947369759458,0.0,0.0,0.22739876792778035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14650254014218786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033446793320508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807188606672699,0.0,0.0,0.08014772353946717,0.0,0.1302857533147089,0.0,0.0,0.27995691715274723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187119622935406,0.0,0.0,0.16214217781877588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000646417303718,0.0,0.2801449187632287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FailedPrimate,2019/04/06,"I just can't not hate who I am. It's just the whole package, personality, ethnicity, circumstances, mental state. I have tried for a long time, many years, to just get rid of this... only demon seems like a fitting word... inside me, which is extreme anxiety, just a constant stream of terrifying intrusive thoughts, which just seems like a hopeless undertaking at this point. I know I will never be free of that, I might as well have never been, since I don't remember what my mind was like before this, it's been too long. I will never know what peace of mind feels like. I suppose that wouldn't sting as much, if the rest of the package weren't equally abysmal. My life is a total mess, of course in part due to my own stupidity, but then again that's just another reason to despise myself, isn't it. I drive people away all the time, thanks to my horrible personality, and it's just a matter of time that I'll be completely alone in this world. I don't know why I keep going or why I'm even ranting on Reddit, but I guess it doesn't really matter. In due time it will all be over, whenever that is, but that can't come soon enough. ",6.411857562408224,5.5846613127753315,6.914372246696036,79.18260095447873,65.82819383259911,10.209838472834068,30.370411160058733,9.516144504307137,2.3726684287812043,886,26,186,15,12,291,127,227,0.119,0.812,0.068,-0.9002,0,1,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,0,0,12,12,3,0,10,0,24,1,0,1,6,39,39,9,0,2,13,0,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,2,21,2,0,1,9,0,1,3,12,5,1,0,5,1,19,8,21,26,10,30,1,1,0,0,3,10,0,6,20,128,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094593437722776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257549445755248,0.0967205123205709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187874905953034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758474072529292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891039901385244,0.13256206512639618,0.13662861071371082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306385644748885,0.0,0.08350747028085988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392806814944688,0.09032339941634504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605576012828057,0.0,0.07185450032846757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927964694541686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482591303346133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123790104372558,0.0,0.0,0.2084519776373238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930301000062399,0.2470741220703132,0.0,0.0,0.22377755827382068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281827051762891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274142173332089,0.13412489682652468,0.25532155541952073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294243105231638,0.0,0.29253760249261324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615760942215924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691407091287638,0.0,0.08765237243129861,0.22079195514072528,0.0,0.0,0.11951957400625356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099589354030091,0.12999366176787608,0.0,0.0,0.143223369858509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301987892526764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045862660640144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640205430139168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037327807870776,0.2948952174159866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858393645976053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367799659231348,0.0,0.228171322149466,0.14115736507449864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814183812807809
suicidewatch,WickedlyFlesh,2019/04/06,"How do I keep a friend from killing themselves? If they don't get into law school they're going to kill themselves, because its the only thing they have to live for. But they need money, and in order to get that money, they'd need to put the law school thing on hold. But, and here's the thing, apparently the only thing they have to live for isn't worth waiting for. There's also a great deal of depression and other mental issues involved. And no, I can't just call the people on them, they're not going to stop trying to kill themselves no matter what anyone does to stop them. So... Do I just leave them to their fate? Or is there something I can do to help?",5.079944444444447,5.007081762962962,5.238657407407409,87.56020833333336,68.4074074074074,7.342592592592593,24.282407407407412,5.985473137389443,0.5294629629629632,518,10,110,2,8,163,76,135,0.172,0.727,0.101,-0.9087,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,9,0,8,6,3,0,7,0,11,0,0,1,0,23,19,11,3,3,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,5,0,0,3,3,6,4,0,0,0,0,13,2,19,18,0,10,0,1,0,0,14,4,0,2,2,76,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433326409954547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999681289942402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715334260313602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598861900104732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739605875025774,0.12314007418287973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511423670665414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045846709382214,0.0,0.14939211841316438,0.0,0.16250658535671605,0.0,0.0,0.15762521476810085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582995061468136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922380507494135,0.0,0.12707853487563645,0.4745262248004378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138486051664785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524907152521977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440803936431734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202127027353126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174706482103115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911757563626268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372459848162036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893870689176581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006548991783473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390590758452543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3799323478308532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706742073342667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,airmail2matt,2019/04/06,"I feel like suicide would be the best choice. 2 months ago I was in a car accident, since then my  legs have gone out on me with severe sharp pain. It comes out of the blue, my wife needs to take me to my doctor appointments, all shopping,and all the lifting. 
My company is working with me saying they will hold a spot as long as they can. However, finances suck...
 Hospital bills add up quickly, I feel extreame pain from the waist down, and rest of my body wants to just give up. 

I just feel like I am only a burden. My life insurance would help them get out of debt and own the home. Of course I can't bring up my failures ""because as a man"" I shouldn't complain. There are many worse off than I am. It just feels like I can do nothing right. 
We do foster care so she would have a small income through that.
I tried therapy earlier and I don't think it did anything for me.
Sorry for the rant. I am just hurting. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Good luck out there.
 ",2.1815873015872995,4.1614221020408175,3.28625850340136,90.89604308390024,77.9795918367347,6.600453514739229,23.64399092970521,7.594959193182576,0.9498058956916102,756,25,164,11,18,243,126,196,0.163,0.7170000000000001,0.12,-0.8438,3,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,1,0,3,2,8,13,1,0,11,0,21,7,3,0,2,32,36,9,1,6,4,1,5,3,0,5,4,1,1,1,4,13,1,1,5,0,3,4,3,6,0,0,3,7,28,7,28,27,5,22,0,1,1,0,11,13,1,1,8,110,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278215734044728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866150415506192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790090060605753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132542106828836,0.0,0.0,0.16016990055287603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701802990128518,0.0,0.0,0.12421259103354974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759131618019514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622017512241937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916405065636445,0.3090422101300567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533676483161889,0.13832650488579448,0.0,0.1209452552028415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665193224340436,0.0,0.14464093310012646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436542794710412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185031328240417,0.2113415052022928,0.0,0.0,0.1276094412472818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619270592894767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150963394452856,0.0,0.0,0.10691994161112717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383605135298035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966800160560712,0.3068706688137364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314309679808592,0.0,0.11467091302933813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290109855898693,0.0,0.11928090624921055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141627278121815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577276613267269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084178873886954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490136325720714,0.0,0.0,0.09239535007905404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979000167650287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505088258695659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497683217784204,0.0,0.1469486404684566,0.3072993530527699,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sonsonson23,2019/04/06,"You all give me strength Hey guys I’m new to Reddit and my English is not to good but I want to share some words with you.

I’m suffering from social anxiety, compulsive thoughts and depression for the last 5 years and yes I’m still alive! 

I know the decision to live is a hard one. Sometimes I struggle every day with this decision where i try to survive day for day. I think you need to be very brave to make the decision for life. Often I’m not brave enough and my suicidal thoughts try to convince me to finally do it but I’m to scared luckily! A little part in my heart believes that some day every thing will be fine. The fact that I’m 22 years old and I will have nearly 50-60 years to live makes me scared because some days are so dark and depressing that I can’t do it for the rest of my life like this.

But here is why I think every day is a gift and gives me a little strength to carry on:

You have every new day the opportunity to change your life. It’s like a bus, you are the bus driver and the suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression and all the other awful feelings are the unwanted passengers in your bus. They will always come into your bus without you can doing anything about this BUT it’s your decision if you will look on the road and drive your bus in direction of future or if you will only look and talk to your unwanted passengers in the back of the bus. When you only draw your attention to the unwanted passengers you forget about navigate the bus into a better future and the change of a better life. 

I know you think that it’s to hard and the passengers are to strong and I know this feeling, i struggle every day with my unwanted passengers and often I forget to look on the road and to drive in direction of a better future. But every day I survive I have a new chance to drive on the right way. 

Life sucks and suicide is the simple way but I don’t want to let my mental illness win, I fight every day so much and I want to be strong because I have every day the opportunity to win in little babysteps against my illness.

I have so much to say and I hope that all of you can understand a little bit what I mean and i really want to help all the people here who are so close to the dead. I’m 22 years and i have been to dead so fucking close but when I win against the dead then nothing in my future life will going to stop me. 

I hope you give the next day a new change to win against the dead!

Thank you all so much! Every one of you is it worth to live! ",3.0213148479427545,4.228895484496128,4.297131782945737,87.81972271914135,73.8062015503876,7.772927847346453,24.66487775790101,8.303829127061777,1.333211747167561,1954,59,424,32,39,644,176,516,0.184,0.624,0.192,0.4908,0,0,0,0,1,1,28.0,0,22,1,15,17,35,3,4,37,2,35,10,1,2,6,88,75,40,7,13,13,0,4,2,0,6,8,1,0,1,19,29,0,1,18,0,1,5,5,11,0,2,4,8,61,24,65,61,15,65,0,4,3,1,35,24,2,10,36,282,80,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046858193063971855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616090945709146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046342052800961785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330239086579914,0.0,0.0686576191013881,0.0,0.0,0.06344718121119584,0.0,0.14941685347196115,0.061480872031591964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871988979466424,0.04850997375441142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358184901979537,0.0,0.14551084428046848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058187954422835066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270267179159672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056948628160024536,0.0,0.0,0.06168980555758667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206186759077048,0.0,0.16206606107436228,0.03200484027817182,0.047233948722845205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576022993877795,0.0,0.0,0.1008934997436152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673297899846377,0.037746436632775104,0.0,0.0,0.1118660527037888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284696462231837,0.045903851137030896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057585413553273325,0.2386596712827693,0.055024861195764614,0.2257677791787773,0.1491802623683764,0.0,0.14187004439476392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518076064291013,0.0,0.0,0.061343022968225726,0.0,0.0,0.05675179225068017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419295857447744,0.0417565040566464,0.0,0.21755566273016086,0.059891132379280475,0.0,0.0,0.05403530209079031,0.0,0.0590926170832741,0.0,0.07632035425880296,0.08565946230281635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098313886214385,0.0,0.03904139847668149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360765244222028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809229357512241,0.0,0.044783567713719996,0.1127613201307678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057405562708621925,0.0,0.0,0.055696501619523685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497284953151755,0.04708146148465316,0.0,0.11774432991377967,0.0,0.18479683857261095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526347914218815,0.0,0.0518468452071494,0.0,0.0,0.03741286570678271,0.1082522142901106,0.0,0.13412231878674086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646772689163601,0.0,0.0,0.05862540281181323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646537788573568,0.1328630551139026,0.0893996917183469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050815096396681664,0.0,0.0,0.05428518903765027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505882174042864
suicidewatch,Matthew-Todd,2019/04/06,"I’m 17 and my life is over.., I was finally becoming happy. I had a job I loved, I was coming to terms with my family troubles and leaving them behind. I’ve made friends better than any I’ve ever had before and yet I am depressed. I used to think I was depressed an anxious the whole way though high school. I wasn’t depressed, I was sad. Maybe more than my friends yes, but not depressed. And I wasn’t anxious, I was just a nervous kid and I forced myself out of my comfort zone and overcame my nervousness. 

7 months ago, I got tinnitus. An incurable chronic condition which causes a ringing in my head. For 3 months I was coping with it. Until January. I began to develop hypercausis, a side effect of the condition. This side effect is extremely severe. It causes me to perceive normal sound as painful. I am unable to continue my passion of music and playing instruments and it makes everything else in my life almost unbearable. Around the same time I developed and anxiety disorder. My heart now constantly pounds in my chest and I have frequent panic attacks. 

I haven’t heard silence in 7 months, and I never will again.

My heart hasn’t stopped pounding for 4 months, and it never will again.

This is not living, this is coping.

All the positive thinking in the world isn’t going to cure me. Nothing will.

I have good friends and a family who care about me, but it doesn’t matter. None of it does.",2.6316473379019527,5.13894273800738,4.0340893516078005,83.37877767527678,79.18450184501846,7.118661043753296,27.02174486030575,8.192908349453996,2.1381648919346343,1106,47,201,22,28,364,147,271,0.187,0.687,0.126,-0.9501,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,3,9,22,1,3,12,1,25,10,4,7,4,42,38,18,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,4,3,0,1,11,18,0,1,5,1,0,2,11,11,0,0,14,3,37,11,28,21,6,36,0,5,0,2,8,12,0,1,21,144,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318664441374906,0.0,0.10526713485949614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148835540675717,0.0,0.0804200566068945,0.2375218258030645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358321120360716,0.0,0.1195944464719756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610189807088213,0.0894533199998982,0.0,0.0,0.09297419514219696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718156966718724,0.2159839122781504,0.0,0.09055556307170914,0.0,0.11360238220513512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621747699024288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048193713990205,0.0,0.09199527487585844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781814168315119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509124916635467,0.0,0.0,0.09447924178320102,0.0,0.19820429652741808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515889714418776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436570923536239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974475160680553,0.08817355466634351,0.08407777243333292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190712675319084,0.0,0.0,0.10788820205040717,0.0,0.0,0.24914639283262374,0.0,0.11106994664639397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431997738611108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131180768760444,0.0,0.0,0.14850527457118945,0.0,0.0,0.09282697702775763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487908574096728,0.09947146967640524,0.07017150892149271,0.0,0.10561182369174148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33563791687254185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621571955982949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299982039594292,0.10086992071679772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186002148974622,0.12334110661238468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063917410654796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876091290153225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788890046748456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471924032816487,0.10328441830487448,0.0,0.061299018968937476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079393034648273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344304063095799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173678986743424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,alittleconfusedspoon,2019/04/06,"Fighting... All we do is fight. Today’s been the worst. It’s my fault because I can’t seem to control my moods. They are swinging so fast right now. I can’t keep doing this. I’ve been doing good. I was in groups at the local hospital (Monday and Thursday for I think 2 months) and when I was in a manic state I missed, I think,the last 2-3sessions) so they say I’m no longer allowed at any groups. (Because you have to be given a referral or something).. so no help.. the group leader called at told me I should go see this psychiatrist who saw me for 5 minutes 3 months ago because it was my first manic state.. I don’t want to.. why should I. My relationship is in shambles..he’s blaming me for how his relationship with his parent crumbled,  my apartment building is horrible, I keep trying and everything gets worse.. I refuse to ever go back to the ER after the doctor yelled at me last time, telling me I just needed to learn coping skills.. I learned some.. they aren’t helping in this state. I would go to respite but I have a new puppy. I either need to be gone or here. But I’m fine right...",0.2417564655172413,2.6018865223214327,1.961699507389163,94.75571428571428,90.02678571428572,4.339655172413794,19.77770935960591,5.935793293072707,-0.07236342364531989,847,27,182,7,29,276,130,224,0.085,0.8809999999999999,0.035,-0.7935,3,0,1,0,3,0,44.0,1,1,3,3,10,8,2,0,8,0,23,1,0,3,2,30,42,12,0,6,6,1,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,6,5,0,4,4,0,0,4,6,5,1,1,9,4,34,2,21,28,4,36,0,1,2,0,23,12,0,4,17,116,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897951512730696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894694111607807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188272568521486,0.0,0.2660915971566231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485746984812361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319384108175888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892835294465634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161567612490152,0.0,0.0,0.13076859749008116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376466690441128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601924417323856,0.0,0.2480779024330945,0.12204090403150232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195055013404105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586592726443899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372085181428508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23227800533491794,0.0,0.0,0.21577706891160187,0.0,0.1405275785460634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156371804768976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124312589337845,0.0,0.24851731195692456,0.0,0.1157097222933423,0.0,0.0,0.11594694908170762,0.13246034815585284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120152179644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717592169153247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646472791418733,0.0,0.0,0.08484389360871357,0.0,0.13791970756999686,0.13903422768764798,0.0,0.09878689768081644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582136258409813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129370866466505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827985520302836,0.1033610641772266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fl333r,2019/04/06,"Tired. I just want to stop worrying about today and about tomorrow. I'm tired of thinking that I'm not good enough. I'm weak-willed and thin-skinned and I would never survive in the real world. I just want peace of mind instead of distracting myself with temporary pleasures.

Most of us gave up on happy endings long ago. But that's okay. I just want it to end quietly. And end soon.",1.1480263157894726,3.748170381578949,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,88.60526315789473,5.67157894736842,22.07368421052632,7.1686216300943375,0.9213778947368424,303,11,61,5,10,96,53,76,0.179,0.632,0.189,-0.0274,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,20,9,5,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,12,7,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,10,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797357167917334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503502043435615,0.19579629484832373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893722751936892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017181742656892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769480343088536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133329712782648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614821410022316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568382660254004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842412413661902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141907305596675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43558725696601824,0.1796166303045336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279360152981981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353025661182449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243872166886775,0.0,0.13460995806405554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sa1lawayg1rp,2019/04/06,"Completely alone No friends, no family, no job, no income.  Bullied, harassed, assaulted, raped all my life. I have tried everything and exhausted all my options.  I have learned that while abuse is wrong, it is ok so long as I am the target.  The only thing keeping me alive is my cat.  ",2.4487421383647816,5.14568069811321,3.4399056603773595,86.1333176100629,81.64150943396227,7.3069182389937115,27.701257861635213,8.344100000000001,2.3449522012578634,219,10,41,5,6,70,41,53,0.46,0.438,0.102,-0.981,2,1,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,2,1,6,3,0,0,2,6,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,7,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,28,10,2,0.0,0.3478473844109159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040630428051732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078157796541656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638531184480364,0.0,0.276763555366811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22682119527380304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913354386661492,0.26094971198226624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073660788446192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598113702569557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328280330983524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950432400645641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19932332008735945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209864953217336,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChargingBuck,2019/04/06,Tired I’m so tired of living. I’ve fought for 4 years. I think it’s time to rest. ,-3.4956666666666685,-2.0113579,-0.5999999999999996,111.23833333333332,103.0,2.666666666666667,6.666666666666668,3.1291,-2.866833333333333,62,0,19,0,3,21,17,20,0.412,0.588,0.0,-0.8122,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284195947032724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23831670341951586,0.0,0.0,0.21687444329321126,0.8549539748490913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395096979710669
suicidewatch,Drik54,2019/04/06,"Depression Fucking Sucks :'( [My Fucked Up Life Story] sorry that its long to read but idk what else to do anymore So I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I dont have a lot of good memories to begin with or most of the bad ones just outweighs the good to the point I cant even remember the good ones anymore. My childhood wasn't so great my parents were really abusive to me at the time but in my mind n how i was taught, i cant tell anyone about it. in elementary, I wasn't really smart too n when I get the answers wrong in addition n subtraction with time, or multiplication n division, my parents beat me for not understanding it n it makes me have to learn everything by myself n cant really on anyone for help, no matter how much I needed it. I also get bullied a lot, hardly got any friends, n teachers don't do shit except giving me detention, suspend me, n put me in special ed bcuz i guess at the time, they were being racist to asians. im not sure but im kind of like the only asian in that school. n my parents didnt do shit either. they just beat me for being in trouble when im the one being bullied. middle school, my cousin was kind of popular at the time, he basically pushed me away cuz i guess im a loser. one time a kid stabbed me in the back with a wooden pencil n as i was lying on the ground bleeding, everyone just walked over me. nobody helped me, not even the teachers n i was late for class cuz i was busy being hurt. nurse teacher looked at my back n just gave me a bandage. didnt even put it on for me. so i had to go to the bathroom n there is still a piece of lead stuck in my back. i literally had to dig it out of my back myself. high school i had to pretend to be someone that im not to make friends. i did at first, but i was hang with a bad crowd. at the time during my freshmen year too, i was bullied n i almost died when i was pushed down right at the street. my anger went so bad, i put the guy who bullied me in the hospital due to self defense but i was severely pissed. luckily i got away with it somehow. during 10th grade, 1 friend of mine who i thought was like a bro to me, i let him borrow my bike so he can get home, n i realized he moved away a day after. my parents beat me up for it. then they realize the school is a bad influence due to gang related students there, they moved me to a different school where there r also gang related kids there. i befriended this one person but in his group, 1 guy doesnt like me where he spread rumors of me being a pedo n a faggot bcuz he saw me going to tutoring n talking to kids. the place i get tutored at is all grades. so the guy i befriended hates me bcuz he believed the guy n 1 day when we ran a mile, he tried to push me down the bleachers. i couldve got seriously injured. n ever since the guy who spread rumors about me starts bullying me. this is where i had trouble trusting people n becoming more anti social n the people who were trying to be nice to me, i pushed them away bcuz i cant tell anymore. a year later, 1 day during PE, my team were going against the team where my bully is at n hes been wanting to fight me. i told my PE i dont feel like playing n i told her the reason. she made me play anyways. n i knew from the very beginning, he punched me in the face out of nowhere. i got so much rage in me, i charged right to him. n thats the thing about teacher. they dont give a shit if students were being bullied. u tell on the teacher they dont do shit really, n i learned that since elementary so i have to learn how to defend myself at the case. i got suspended for 3 days n my parents punished me for defending myself. n the thing about my parents is that they only care about me doing well in school. what ive been feeling, how much pain i go through, theyre never been aware of it. during college, it got better for me. i made great friends where i can finally get to be myself for once even when im still confused about who i wanted to be. but my parents has been still giving me shit. the one time i finally make friends, they try to rip that away from me. one time i asked my mom for help, which is finding my bank account number cuz idk how bank account works at the time, she took advantage n look through my statements n judge in front of me how much i was spending. i was 22 at the time n she has no rights to go snoop around my statement. i asked her for help to find my number, not look through my statements. i couldnt trust her for anything anymore cuz i did caught her in the past trying to steal a bit of money away from me n throwing away my clothes when i am still wearing them n she still does it. my dad wasnt being so great with me either cuz he left me out in the open 3-5 times as a kid by myself while he was busying gambling his money away. n when i was around 20 years old, we got into an argument n he straight up told me that he wished he n my mom couldve aborted me when he had the chance. it broke me to the point that i felt like a disappointment, a mistake, n it lead me to wanting to commit suicide. i scratched my arms with a box knife after that too. n i gave away my happiness for my friends so they can be happy but it doesnt make me happy cuz i felt like theres no point for me since my life is meaningless. it is really pathetic that my relationship with my parents keeps going on n off bcuz they never learned from their mistakes. almost felt like my mom wants me to do what she wants me to do but it is something that i dont want to do. she wants me to have a future that she wanted for me but i want to make the choices that is best for me. as for my dad, i felt like he wanted to get rid of me for a long time but couldnt bcuz he doesnt want to make himself look bad, so he tortured himself to live up with for years, trying to be my dad, but i felt like he was only faking it. i took a photography job for 2 years n i enjoyed photography. but i have to sell up a number or more per shift due to the fact its commission base. theres been too many issues with 2 bosses to the point i saw like 40 employees come n go n i got a bit attached. then some other people who work there gave me a hard time as well n i cant say anything bcuz my boss will make up excuses n tell me to keep working. selling pictures was really hard cuz not a lot of people want pictures, n for the fact we have smartphones these days, but my boss said everybody always spend money here bcuz we work at an amusement park. i use to sell a lot of pictures back then but now i cant bcuz this season, nothing special is happening, n my boss told me to ask customers again after they said no, which is out of my beliefs cuz no means no n thats the customers rights. its wrong to try to be pushy. he also tells me to ""bring back the old u"" meaning i sold a lot of pictures back in the past n now he wants me to bring that person back. i feel like its the shittest thing to say to anyone. 2 years passed n it just got worse for me, my plan was to find a new job n quit, but the manager pushed me to the edge to the point that i had enough. i quit immediately. my friends think i did the right thing but my parents judged me for it n shitted on me like i just committed a murder. at the same time, they got mad at me for skipping one year of college, which isnt a bad thing cuz i graduated community college with aa degrees of liberal arts n psychology. been in community college for 4-5 years to the point i need a break. plus i couldnt afford to pay for classes in csuf at the time so i didnt have much of a choice but to skip at least a semester. however i skipped a year bcuz i didnt attend my first semester during the fall so i have to reapply all over again n idk if ill be lucky the second time to get accepted. my parents got mad at me, making me feel more of a disappointment, n my dad wants to kick me out. my situation with my job n my dad wanted to kick me out is recent. this had lead me to even a darker place where i actually wanted to end my life cuz its not fair. i never asked for any of this. to be born. to live. to breath. none of it. my family was always so negative to each other for god knows how long they live in america to the point its affecting me too. always comparing me to others who seemed smarter or better than me, then why let me live? why cant they just make a different child n just kill me? i dont know what to do anymore. i know that everyone had issues that r worse than mine, like parents abandoning their children, being homeless, or poor n starving n all, but im not like anyone else who can handle it better than i can. im different. everyone is. no matter what people say to me to cheer me up, its never gonna make me feel any less than an outcast or failure in life. I’m turning 24 right now but I feel everybody has more responsibility than I did at this age n they’ve done better with their lives than I do. Having a life, getting married, feeling happy with love ones truly, that is something I will never gonna get bcuz i felt like a huge burden to everyone i knew n that I’m a waste of air who should go die. maybe its best for everyone if i just never exist at all anymore. im sorry that i made u all read all this.",0.5765603176776679,2.547724926605504,2.6751735207753278,93.26867246337123,83.37308868501529,5.6577905579137955,20.92327354055411,6.865867978530798,0.3362918252772835,7134,219,1630,86,201,2404,559,1962,0.182,0.6970000000000001,0.121,-0.9993,20,0,2,0,1,5,164.0,4,0,19,25,101,107,21,1,105,0,141,23,11,41,18,228,278,83,5,28,49,21,17,15,7,5,9,5,1,14,84,32,0,4,42,10,17,36,51,47,3,12,92,28,276,60,257,159,35,244,1,8,6,3,152,108,10,24,114,1060,360,45,0.0,0.02786988272641897,0.02295420992595201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710803938581025,0.0,0.0,0.05643192680048662,0.058716900061570765,0.0,0.0,0.04798757370887805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996581958018206,0.06578889275679592,0.024101206263287645,0.038713424555192916,0.041879372941178064,0.08796008110145301,0.0,0.19889837491994564,0.14469655447009444,0.11783999750521043,0.0,0.025978349246374755,0.0,0.02650139036361707,0.04937005740424938,0.08321366497660533,0.05136015685807317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02398238354285056,0.0,0.0,0.02026223587010392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584915329001858,0.0,0.04051915953607641,0.0,0.0488245233849341,0.07372687160176884,0.0,0.0,0.02058437820096818,0.024071310055259504,0.16540659699134394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03929944975438227,0.0,0.020833629212164056,0.02430465255007734,0.0,0.07768073917033683,0.021277117102852502,0.0,0.11238203650632796,0.02114017755401568,0.0,0.022174574760947176,0.0,0.08325448488895826,0.03360843482596755,0.1355096258984312,0.05153469665091287,0.0644964137138972,0.040015830765047666,0.0,0.0,0.1272119980432454,0.04349166817953103,0.1106040987798778,0.06769372361758431,0.1069453677273692,0.05918775064344262,0.206940795083,0.07779970817556509,0.051824565585401765,0.11645305529442845,0.02080054564022363,0.1001589972345792,0.06321363622814244,0.02322323777606741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630655630680211,0.02485242629706743,0.02359461853714241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025180931218228432,0.0,0.2286714727423768,0.049101993843467716,0.07002626617497089,0.04181510740841059,0.02602375646098997,0.04898936628977593,0.03878144949170432,0.0,0.026533991993692656,0.0,0.02555686769482057,0.048105951901810516,0.08307189528856389,0.17237589973447284,0.0,0.10385237747104008,0.08326539447538643,0.07901067429918393,0.0,0.0,0.09998838692813933,0.02122964453217449,0.06677163652551639,0.15701207268762346,0.023847752191410214,0.023631145450659124,0.05124499991115168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02375065019261444,0.08264651805623617,0.0,0.050000612326561736,0.08645737585092203,0.034882729007033486,0.10885032019442163,0.022717823840888097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022570122214843426,0.0,0.049365046107209945,0.025050305304049045,0.14345286237008262,0.0536689291507224,0.025029209282982516,0.0,0.2873040107875724,0.0,0.04490907746611952,0.08153643090368583,0.04107724068400263,0.049151247734512564,0.0,0.15565213928843644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093872535540052,0.0,0.0500373703576304,0.04705699936072622,0.0,0.09041328914136083,0.024184671621891668,0.0232252698471432,0.025253969278770588,0.0532919854937843,0.12052664479516005,0.0447498723854739,0.05611723581097462,0.0,0.14283393392801402,0.0,0.021413667597787463,0.024538716016678383,0.02657331640082856,0.1448707967545568,0.05837325758469495,0.02643986444340526,0.0,0.023977853662564858,0.019930228023553542,0.03621697627673835,0.0,0.052662207029924614,0.01664908769470501,0.0,0.0939240340111948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02572939708003348,0.0,0.022169333163984718,0.0,0.0,0.018906200512985062,0.10279691060227653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813530402687714,0.015072033849587394,0.0,0.01867394715198526,0.21945513032188232,0.0,0.0,0.08990562920506237,0.05226791330167524,0.0958199107614308,0.025585327520482763,0.0,0.02448737131392055,0.0,0.02031557167611455,0.0,0.019408224199021936,0.22198342755406628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042298447183199785,0.021805254114208108,0.04245013506559561,0.0,0.027049293542566247,0.0,0.0,0.06849757554479258,0.0,0.04794212871960367,0.0,0.05143552248656905,0.0,0.136327349321075
suicidewatch,K3ystr0k3,2019/04/06,"Dear Reddit, I wish death. I do not wish to talk about what happened. 

But I think I'd like some conversation. Just someone to talk to who isn't sorry for me, and will actually take my mind off things. 

Please only approach me if you've done this before? 
I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die",-2.160105485232066,-0.34823807594936795,0.7192721518987355,101.63139767932492,100.64556962025316,3.6459915611814337,12.912447257383967,5.46131890053228,-1.3609755274261603,268,5,70,2,12,92,45,79,0.314,0.453,0.233,-0.9588,0,0,0,0,0,7,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,17,16,3,8,10,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,13,2,13,14,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,40,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.10424319197607662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089794127400436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7760530479032655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931633906375933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446264015950644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218799823949749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786010912909537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812432011768487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725884829806672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051021981102264,0.0,0.0,0.11957886102404465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031710350631903,0.17171949685665874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709680143560424,0.0684474404965738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410460758089677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456808322892462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NumerousSun,2019/04/06,"Opened up about my suicidal thoughts, now my friend ignores me My friend asked me why I felt so bad, and I told him about my suicidal thoughts. Now he won't talk to me anymore. I feel so stupid for saying anything. I scared my last friend away. It just hurts so bad.",1.125,3.4511492777777804,1.468148148148149,100.56666666666668,84.0,5.0814814814814815,21.962962962962962,6.42735559955562,0.12109629629629648,207,7,48,2,6,62,36,54,0.39,0.487,0.123,-0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,7,4,2,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,13,3,6,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,3,28,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494017767655453,0.0,0.0,0.16175667496307278,0.0,0.18376222734013764,0.0,0.1846797771187756,0.0,0.32824799826089923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938943333432568,0.0,0.1887337253392109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555981007765159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21042745523726095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022713451683526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631679152125572,0.19679637722501853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430021551261865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799191966629494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121021335051175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878267785369956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736980850543274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cat-lover101,2019/04/06,"I really hate my life. I’m 13 years old and I really hate life, I just want to die! ",-4.3290000000000015,-3.4907218999999987,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,118.0,6.0,5.0,7.1686216300943375,-1.0470000000000002,62,0,18,2,4,24,14,20,0.478,0.471,0.051,-0.9166,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206363669758658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6100388963332009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43643429746361867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241860430386927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39583644374867416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822238979647394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895059547631355
suicidewatch,StraightRange,2019/04/06,"I'm almost done... I'm really getting tired of life... I honestly, truthfully cant take it anymore. I can't reach out to anyone. High school is breaking me down part by part. My parents forcing me to do my studies. Stress from my friends, and more.. I just can't take it anymore you know? Each day comes by, I think , "" When will this life end?"" "" When will I die, I bet it's really calm up there. "" I love so many things, I love my parents even if they force me to do stuff, but people have their limits. I cant bring my self to tell my parents ""Hey, I am feeling suicidal and I'm done. "" or "" I wanna quit everything."" I really don't know how people get by these times. I'm slowly losing grades in High school, I cry on my bed every night. I hide my sadness,  I forcefully laugh. I'm honestly up to kick the bucket. **I just can't take it anymore, what more can I say for you people to believe me? I did another post yet only one person replied. Please, if my problem is unsolvable, just don't say anything, and let me die.**",-0.2038253968253976,2.0385686809523804,2.0528571428571425,94.1976984126984,90.76190476190477,5.206349206349207,19.682539682539684,6.775458762138228,0.32034920634920594,773,25,171,11,27,260,119,210,0.14400000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.122,-0.7697,3,0,0,0,0,3,51.0,0,2,2,3,10,12,0,1,1,0,20,5,0,1,1,24,38,11,3,4,7,3,1,0,1,2,3,2,1,2,9,6,0,1,4,0,1,2,7,4,0,1,3,3,36,8,19,32,5,19,0,2,0,2,16,8,0,5,7,108,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342415681139956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830243673457823,0.0,0.0,0.3072903704172664,0.07221867912185644,0.0,0.08499405502977911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163658682646192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897014977916591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113452788871148,0.06660973223387175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438528236971394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139108978166252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147910049673784,0.0,0.0,0.0682182069466329,0.0,0.08702135094259694,0.0,0.09282513417554496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222356955671048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979707804474857,0.0,0.10792341090665322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825075023316573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113524535398419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561504104017427,0.14590529917120762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554854473280694,0.0,0.0,0.1864359556264832,0.0,0.0,0.10471391696198418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692517806883567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699880130216233,0.07855225019979868,0.0,0.0,0.3440544769966106,0.22369333886004047,0.0,0.21481267466626336,0.09018373588185404,0.0,0.1133749809980992,0.0,0.0,0.09891766527702793,0.0,0.0,0.09882898267399468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985540697022647,0.0,0.0,0.19849941360130494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427140312656846,0.0,0.2090581476560698,0.0,0.0,0.10774789383502996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831164480817995,0.0,0.11823564117754383,0.11297609635053925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329704806763334,0.0,0.0902748994903805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861739984548182,0.06618031285742661,0.0,0.0,0.06022581842557322,0.11870993665645815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,penwryte,2019/04/06,I’m planning on killing myself today Just wanted to let someone know. My friends don’t seem to care,0.9788333333333306,3.57450055,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,93.5,2.666666666666667,26.66666666666667,3.1291,0.38116666666666665,81,4,15,0,3,25,19,20,0.171,0.584,0.245,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853279845300642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919901764349095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181269809607342,0.0,0.20770214858047015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864622016636631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440561011005929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202214901541718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35823638932033364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229147349596516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burnout457,2019/04/06,"My boss is disappointed in me I work in a lab and I’m an undergrad student. As such, I can’t dedicate much time to the lab. My boss emailed me telling me she was disappointed in my performance because I don’t spend as much care as I should in lab, which is very fair and it’s completely my fault. But I’m so stretched thin and depressed already, that I doubt I’ll be able to actually improve. I’m just so tired and worthless, and I honestly don’t see a point in living anymore.",2.5767000000000024,3.999251870000002,4.271000000000001,86.70550000000001,75.3,8.200000000000001,30.5,8.841846274778883,2.3508,377,18,84,8,8,127,62,100,0.205,0.685,0.11,-0.8804,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,4,0,8,1,0,2,0,11,13,11,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,1,2,14,2,10,10,2,9,0,4,1,0,3,8,0,1,1,51,17,5,0.2539054836910961,0.0,0.2477751257761593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801910150129429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25180601338285513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477842619259585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588735625365002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662150688961333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868842105179126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420319386334026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732994905046887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24002275159317515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023297972480121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192458408322496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805432939409,0.2918270024973851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949861517854504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848462161268338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Strugglinginvestor,2019/04/06,"I want to escape. I feel like I'm always a disappointment and when its not that I feel lonely and don't feel emotion.

​",1.5621794871794847,4.078534961538466,3.220769230769232,87.40756410256414,84.0,5.005128205128205,20.2051282051282,6.42735559955562,0.29945128205128224,103,3,20,1,3,34,20,26,0.127,0.579,0.294,0.3204,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702109822974582,0.3518573313980832,0.3945965253469873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652905322912285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925972519236288,0.2319954266560915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865231694050047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915409786734415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945965253469873,0.0
suicidewatch,PracticalIncome3,2019/04/06,"Thinking of ending myself after a painful breakup Have been dating her for 11 years(I'm 28 now). I found out that she cheated on me with my co-worker, who was also one of my best friends.

My parents and my siblings would be devastated, but I don't think I have a reason to live anymore. I've known her right from early childhood, and this is too overwhelming for me.",6.475416666666668,6.156526819444448,6.343888888888888,81.64,65.52777777777779,8.311111111111114,34.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,2.2904333333333344,289,12,56,2,4,91,59,72,0.094,0.84,0.066,-0.2382,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,11,11,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,13,2,10,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186621597624048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271169443766483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869482930586551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421781401507083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998022760829794,0.21125161753232655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414440169788672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852834880796047,0.0,0.29094918085882154,0.0,0.30361205600374663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811319494025377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335080330767532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504062675599904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906055830859476,0.0,0.0,0.19423708233998332,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,998498357,2019/04/06,"I think I'm close. Suicide has been on my mind a lot for the last 25 years. I think it might be time. I've put a lot of work into convincing myself others will be better off for it in the long run, which helps. 

​

I'm sitting on 3 college degrees, and I'm currently applying to minimum wage jobs. All I've been doing is trying to distract myself with this or that until I die. 

​

I've been thinking about how to get stuff to people so they can have it. Decided I don't need a will, as I don't have anything worth that much, then decided just to mail the things off and let them get it when they do, then I decided it wouldn't be worth it and just harsh memories. So, not required. 

​

The only thing left is to get some bigger shells. I'm worried the ones I have won't do it in one. 

​

I don't drink, but I heard that alcohol makes it easier. It's what my grandfather did. Is that true? ",2.5834375000000023,3.8758825520833327,4.0290833333333325,88.97425000000004,75.04166666666666,7.411666666666667,24.77916666666667,8.021203637495839,1.2535454166666664,718,23,157,11,15,238,111,192,0.07200000000000001,0.855,0.07200000000000001,0.4559,3,0,2,0,0,1,37.0,0,0,3,3,7,4,0,1,8,0,27,2,0,2,2,29,40,13,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,20,6,2,1,6,1,3,2,6,1,0,2,5,1,16,3,20,26,5,22,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,5,9,112,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716109767455796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345820234504905,0.48736957036092793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251594702602234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886831176774529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406730563084733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822914167882307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716515327079428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721072497562168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950525322098644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173569187757355,0.0,0.0,0.10894665946435886,0.10253570239199404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887382472433612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704966488245856,0.0,0.0,0.06693285350598116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637356442614157,0.10124691450808253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371202447412144,0.0743509894032707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358948498909816,0.07626196107469431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951651413372044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080183073056836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478833314372044,0.10968213692594918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323354742233168,0.1927522291292845,0.0,0.0,0.058469859345600825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807862966808009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299977178468063,0.1018318666605935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48736957036092793,0.06457237717651347
suicidewatch,tthirdmember,2019/04/06,"Does anyone else feel like they're just going to die whether they want to or not? I've felt suicidal off and on recently, but when I'm not I'm filled with this feeling that someone or something is actively planning my death, or that something that could kill me is slowly approaching. I'm usually able to block it out when I'm feeling good but the rest of the time it's just... Getting closer. Anyone else get this? ",4.26991967871486,5.508918903614461,4.732710843373496,85.77007028112452,70.80722891566266,7.9429718875502004,29.49598393574297,8.344100000000001,2.0348008032128515,331,13,66,5,6,105,57,83,0.187,0.654,0.16,-0.8267,0,0,2,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,20,15,9,4,2,10,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,2,8,13,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,37,10,0,0.1928004650781284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26962113603345145,0.3950937211548005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393548304825805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20009644348327935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687209862492767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32212009791490337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924571244478951,0.1377366907751694,0.1851186816254221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20146057091516648,0.0,0.10957294739236163,0.16171188275142562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330514884353885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941925685095142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903671996432362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335920839954085,0.2968544347912605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089241601372866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242350164732567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123424736390206,0.0,0.11371870959088325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nick-is-cool-I-guess,2019/04/06,Need some advice. Can someone give me some advice? I’m 10 years old and I’m 150 pounds and i got bullied for being fat and i have been having suicidal thoughts for over a year now. Can someone just please give me some advice?,-0.3293478260869556,1.8060490000000016,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,102.47826086956522,3.1695652173913045,16.619565217391305,5.148860815047168,-0.7133826086956523,178,5,37,1,8,56,31,46,0.182,0.7709999999999999,0.047,-0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,9,13,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,3,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6232056360015467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078610409162151,0.0,0.0,0.1700233256094998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762878819290424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230717784551024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333540542381536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36024448558798955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325330499137247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687684274789542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737950267174579
suicidewatch,notelover,2019/04/06,"Just gonna do it It's kinda funny, the last times that I've tried something bad and dreadful had happened to me. Now it's all different, and I happy? Eh I'm alright I guess. I have a decent job, a family I keep in contact with a BF who cheats and uses me. But I think he actually might care a little bit. But for the last few months I've just felt it was time. I'm not sad or angry I'm just ready for this shit to be over...I've found my place",-1.2022333333333322,0.6990143100000026,1.7020000000000015,97.70266666666667,90.9,4.533333333333334,15.333333333333336,5.985473137389443,-0.7727666666666666,341,7,85,3,12,119,71,100,0.124,0.6890000000000001,0.187,0.6665,2,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,6,1,6,1,1,1,1,20,18,6,0,0,7,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,1,8,3,6,11,3,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,4,6,46,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.19907540897329407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033219448950945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227161001061855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799246967544505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131374762159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231385238633344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19587281434482104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367641015745365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472994326658935,0.0,0.180397284138868,0.2171627056774197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243937274289064,0.18132533499181872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325758522046027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446245168128988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641267130921527,0.0,0.0,0.16283153779099185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131374762159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940394815908145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704982631347852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071551198430106,0.0,0.0,0.2379090805186161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850319094806335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619124130150332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abstract_Panduhh,2019/04/06,"I don’t know if I can do this anymore I’m 16 years old and I’m trans mtf 
I’ve had a great fucking life but since high school started I never knew how much I hated myself
When I was in grade eight I started to hurt myself it got so bad that I never wore short sleeved shirts 
The “friends” I had at the time told the counsellor that I was cutting, and that’s when it all came out my mom had now found out everything, I’m trans I’m cutting and I don’t want to be alive
I love my mom, she is the best person on earth and I’m so grateful for all of my families help
People say that family is everything but for me family is too much
I hate being secluded and protected I just want to live my life and be myself with friends and just enjoy it
I’ve never been able to do that 
To this day I’ve never been to a party 
Or even been drunk with friends 
I can’t even tell if I have friends anymore 
All I want is someone to talk to
Someone to hug 
Someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay 
Someone to be brutally honest
Someone to take pictures with me
Someone to help me be myself 
Someone to help me be happy 
I know I don’t need anyone and I know I’m too pussy to ever kill myself 
But I need to know that I’m not alone 
And yes I know my family could do all those things but that’s not the same
Family love is often unconventional love
I want to know that if I put myself out there someone can love me for who I am not just because we are family 
I want to know that if I fall down I can get back up again just because of the thought that someone cares ",0.9759292035398276,2.4985526548672574,3.0187699115044246,93.54603097345137,79.97345132743362,6.053923303834809,21.329498525073745,6.88968998030894,0.3081063126843655,1206,34,285,13,30,408,142,339,0.114,0.626,0.26,0.9958,0,1,0,0,0,3,3.0,1,0,0,1,19,25,7,0,8,2,34,10,1,1,9,63,75,23,1,12,16,2,0,0,4,1,2,1,0,1,19,17,1,1,10,1,0,3,11,9,0,1,15,1,46,16,34,51,8,29,0,1,0,6,22,10,1,6,16,194,65,2,0.06910776236501696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157479999951327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707266091279674,0.04832175428112965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313960349110548,0.05770209494162674,0.08425490100530925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252433299196903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904086962761883,0.07045996952205717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517692489866263,0.0,0.0,0.04456878958289998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912900505425281,0.06251192755322077,0.0,0.0,0.12421920143887205,0.0,0.39089188754635495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577309441582128,0.213569943095982,0.06388901271881127,0.036105953518017125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527179067754142,0.07619155197926436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356649809118009,0.0,0.13645921582244058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896442915248192,0.07301614521808311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398128893248886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645749989005657,0.0,0.26585873210183925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762571263550088,0.0,0.0,0.06102342028120952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24948981472645165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187635208546056,0.0,0.0,0.10160431395867724,0.10248506026476546,0.21320066677724672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251697142517494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791062094512865,0.06034223248647565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947238886888664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495726641513784,0.0,0.06994074500074465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716665516825337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269930450984216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782965979531967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196043673134899,0.055546201633488335,0.12080646070990365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045912126544833474,0.0,0.0,0.0548638439058587,0.04029729198494472,0.0,0.0,0.06603542848786742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038077438163466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450313317608008
suicidewatch,thegirlwith5birds,2019/04/06,"18F. I'm going to kill myself tonight Bye bye bye bye I'm going down down down down dowwnnnnnn to hellllllll

Honestly, i think there are no reasons to live when life is shit. I encourage you fellows to die too, see ya",0.2317207792207796,2.6106337954545467,2.6841558441558457,87.01409090909092,97.4090909090909,5.241558441558444,22.19480519480519,6.868970318607317,0.8832441558441562,173,7,36,3,7,59,30,44,0.263,0.622,0.115,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,2,8,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,8,8,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,0,6,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662900379156444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011613435621197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904694641113445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492879034175017,0.0,0.0,0.3116474152268753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628751975935777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812429084937804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622819432885685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261460211994528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IncelHeritage,2019/04/06,"My Abusive Dad I  grew up with dogs.  My dad used to beat them in front of me.  He threw  one down a flight of stairs and it pissed the whole way down.  I was 10.   Then he made me come down to the basement with him to watch while he  threw my dog into a crate and then picked up the crate and hurled it at a  wall over and over again while the dog screamed in terror.  Yes,  screamed.

When I grew up and escaped my abusive home I tried to get therapy but  I couldn't find help anywhere.  Eventually I got a minimum wage  part-time job and I used all my money to pay for insurance out of  pocket.  I visited a therapist once.  And then my insurance company sent  a bill for the full cost of the visit and told me my depression was a  preexisting condition and therefore they would not cover treatment.

The world doesn't owe me anything, but I sure don't owe the world  either.  The number of Americans suffering from clinical depression is  sharply rising.  It makes me happy to know that so many of you are  feeling what I've felt.  If someone out there is reading this right now  and feeling depressed, I truly hope that pain stays with you for your  entire life.  I hope you never find relief.",3.9904298642533926,5.192183226495729,4.553448969331324,86.93305429864255,71.43589743589743,8.06998491704374,27.012569130216193,8.4952907291091,1.7020143790849669,921,31,192,15,17,293,139,234,0.171,0.727,0.102,-0.9579,4,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,2,1,5,14,1,1,16,1,9,4,1,6,3,41,28,20,0,5,5,2,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,7,17,0,0,6,1,7,10,5,9,0,1,9,6,30,5,33,17,4,41,0,4,1,0,17,20,1,3,9,125,37,4,0.0,0.3386668808838762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760862856100265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311046101669786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36928296875584976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452639992227487,0.0,0.13722286641599676,0.0,0.26124735286352624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466830675339542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114303892266983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213795263720778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579434610961682,0.0,0.1433575437697158,0.2838979338600295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182320857621533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854352231785589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094660226116003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352316530810303,0.09539830045252287,0.14489554782196012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102265086214109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220208936274182,0.09684435251734692,0.0,0.15207391294155276,0.0,0.0,0.1547653350128044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295581500729387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205045633209152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109322859911036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523306550826946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346977127177688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343820448438612,0.16593781441273112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656345146690316,0.0,0.097031356460713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468690435643817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344097316889892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956188249768075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015242354785143,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BrownBoyAlex,2019/04/06,"I want to do it again Just recently got broken up in a pretty harsh way . I fucked up and said things I shouldn’t have and now it’s over , that was my anchor to everything and now it’s gone and I can feel it again creeping in . I can feel my will to love thinning and my over all existential angst kicked in and I feel like getting on that chair and putting the chord on my neck again . I just want someone to talk to it’s touch ",0.21815217391304745,2.2656914673913064,1.5936521739130465,100.02308695652177,85.41304347826087,4.984347826086957,17.895652173913042,6.2581,-0.4925208695652179,333,8,82,3,10,106,53,92,0.11,0.759,0.132,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,2,0,7,3,1,0,1,16,18,7,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,6,11,2,14,12,1,19,0,0,0,2,3,10,1,0,7,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385677136543928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026557364664027,0.18963623733639626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454025708652411,0.13868572137527246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123031637425888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296845755235405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395773519307213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27005623581926996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668487445190208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26209806006982944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525020122004704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249133868455469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335719715455187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635197991837193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131364356178236,0.21070041469403286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VeteranBoard,2019/04/06,Too much porn addiction I have been suffering from depression for the past several months and currently I am on medication. But last Saturday my doctor halved my dosage because I was feeling happy and active. Since then I have been having these depressing thoughts where I feel that I will be alone my whole life. This has led to me watching too much porn and masturbating 6-7 times a day. I don't feel like doing anything right now. Please someone help. ,5.092142857142857,7.35294011904762,5.104285714285716,79.84071428571428,70.42857142857143,9.085714285714287,29.857142857142854,9.606745405546679,2.9903285714285714,366,15,65,9,7,114,68,84,0.149,0.708,0.14300000000000002,-0.1556,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,12,6,0,1,0,9,16,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,4,11,2,4,10,3,13,0,3,1,2,1,3,0,0,10,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21763430637627826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067642080640385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428462493723497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169714677508843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874965047116793,0.0,0.3438949151949097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204337406602998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028281049010475,0.14262104615002255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125177956203984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381278579881697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627311806753903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100984676103884,0.09753278218592418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20111374484416744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934872132337471,0.0,0.293513017314735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905765514822953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914198850746705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048930582109234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22553351290453105,0.0,0.16514217550889787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691521777462525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584898488940387,0.11641021231563455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228881021838792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pmme_specific_advice,2019/04/06,"Why must I be subject to live in a world where I don’t belong? I don’t fear death. I’d have killed myself already if it wasn’t for the guilt of the grief I’d cause to the people that care about me. I don’t belong in this world. I can’t make and keep friends, I can’t work like a normal person, I can’t converse like a normal person, nothing makes me happy, and I suck at everything I try to do. I’m a loser and I hate it so much. Yet I would be “selfish” for going through with the route I want to go. I’m “selfish” because I would hurt others by committing suicide. Fuck anyone who thinks that. They’re selfish for not considering my pain and my mental state. 

I’m sorry, I had to get this out somewhere.",0.55548245614035,2.40044235526316,2.646210526315791,94.13914035087721,82.6842105263158,4.842807017543858,20.00175438596491,5.6839178017228535,-0.18649614035087714,546,15,124,3,15,184,90,152,0.312,0.589,0.1,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,4,18,4,2,8,0,15,2,0,3,2,20,30,6,4,7,2,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,13,0,0,2,0,19,5,17,23,1,11,0,3,0,1,5,7,2,1,3,77,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837698488261578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644155474252604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151506100811283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978829763768116,0.1710720457663726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966630619685306,0.0,0.0,0.1873923979895182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866056184388386,0.15395417824986904,0.08700498203437754,0.0,0.18928552174788896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727413961138636,0.0,0.16441376648773678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178273666453354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480193970237653,0.1842406239460844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271616214952764,0.0,0.14704892318086835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231995816898487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678229372952744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241861312676185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263278232688156,0.15978989834290608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719951929639308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545084143828795,0.2908149123263133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641655166338905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215664517487573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670561433923174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306284811730676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822362996373836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026730254728513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212357262496315,0.0,0.0,0.2365960785219059,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ReverentSeraph,2019/04/06,"tired. I'm really exhausted. I think my relationship is falling apart and in shambles, I'm absolutely convinced my partner hates me. I have two children that I don't know how to care for or take care of, I'm behind on bills. I even got angry at my dog today. My dog! I never get mad at my dog. What is the point of this bullshit? One hard thing after another and I'm just so exhausted. I guess my partner thinks I'm emotionally manipulative and negative all the time but I've been having a fucking hard time recently and no one cares. If I'm not ""happy"" or trying to push myself, then I'm not worth anything to anyone. I'm so tired. I don't even know why I'm posting here either.",0.7807180851063826,3.068444957446808,3.49652039007092,85.69031250000003,85.24113475177305,6.3618794326241135,22.28767730496454,7.6454224807358475,1.1674570921985814,533,19,110,10,16,187,87,141,0.196,0.72,0.084,-0.8995,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,3,0,7,5,0,2,2,21,29,12,0,1,8,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,4,0,2,2,7,5,0,3,2,2,15,5,12,27,2,16,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,4,7,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927998407690033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621173823424652,0.0,0.12500043526215612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464615323897225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086661464204325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065651787399172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042874055143253,0.07936127611267378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148799335858584,0.0,0.1673345442796386,0.0,0.0,0.1616999580067388,0.27214442651561593,0.14996941570314182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696010483044374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715434253157235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058622120752132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359422849966585,0.0,0.14547783618998478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731077893527333,0.0,0.14998253827092686,0.16308333288587892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142096015914377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091535042347917,0.19466227161571614,0.0,0.0,0.17714776673682847,0.3491725096961483,0.1439830678781589,0.0,0.0,0.10312986334480856,0.0,0.14838384580867034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370657703653085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Imafuckup865,2019/04/06,"If you kill yourself you don't end. You keep on living, not knowing you left your past family to mourn you in that life 
Quantum immortality is currently a theory but I swear I've experienced it so I feel the urge to warn anyone who reads this. Read my post history to read what I experienced, I truly do believe quantum immortality is real and my rational mind can't convince me otherwise even when that's all I want. 

I hadn't even heard of the theory when it happened, and after reading other people's experiences it just all adds up. It's very important you know this, to prevent unnecessary suffering of loved ones. 

Think of your life like a tree with long branches, spreading out into more and more smaller sub branches. You ARE the tree: roots, trunk, and branches. You are always the tree, BUT you're limited to experiencing the single subjective experience of each tree branch, moving further and further from source (the tree itself). Every little decision you consciously and unconsciously make, two paths split off from each other into two branches (if the universe has infinite possiblities then what can happen will happen). The decision 'you' make will happen and you will go in that direction of the branch, completely unaware of the other 'you' (it still IS you, the universe IS you) slowly branching away until the other 'you' could go some place different entirely. But it's all still you. 

Whatever choices and thoughts you make will lead you to wherever you are now. And you can't die until there are no more possible scenarios of life (you're old). So don't kill yourself. You won't even remember you killed yourself because the second you fade away, your consciousness will immediately transition into a timeline where you're still alive, moments before it was about to happen but didn't (say in one of the possibilities the gun jammed). And you never actually experienced it because it never happened in the current timeline. But now your broken branches are still very real branches for all the family and friends that are in that specific timeline, their hearts broken for absolutely no reason.. because nothing changed for you, you're still alive on this shitty planet. 

Suffering can NOT be ended by killing yourself, I wish that for just a second you could drop your preconceived beliefs and your 'rational wall' in your mind about what you think will happen and to at least consider this being a possibility.. because no one actually knows shit, I don't know shit, but I wouldn't be sharing this if I didn't feel like this needed to be heard. 

Literally the only way out of suffering is to find a way past it enough so that life is worth living, because I believe it's the only option. Ever seen groundhog day? It's a perfect representation of our lives.

Im being very careful with any thought that I have now, because I know thoughts lead to actions and actions leads to whatever branch that goes to. I want to be experiencing the best branch possible, and being mindful is the solution. 

If you think too many ruminating thoughts, it will become habit and you will feel powerless to stop them. They're literally just repeated and ingrained thoughts though, they just feel like more than that because you're emotionally attached to them and it becomes a part of what you think 'you' are . 
Think of a very depressing thought you believe and think, ""If I thought this thought when I was younger or even a child, would I instantly believe it and become attached to it, therefore identifying with it?"" Of course not, it's just a passing thought at the time and that's all it is. It goes away. Letting go of these ingrained beliefs are hard but completely worth it, otherwise you're just choosing (or allowing) to experience a shit reality when the potential is ALWAYS there, just waiting to be unlocked by YOU. ",8.096708633093524,8.511499057553959,7.909991007194248,69.29865557553957,62.02158273381295,10.978776978417267,37.95053956834532,10.686352973137794,4.248099999999999,3075,143,510,70,40,985,273,695,0.136,0.778,0.086,-0.9912,4,0,0,1,0,0,78.0,1,40,4,6,34,22,7,0,35,0,54,9,4,10,9,128,102,46,6,13,24,0,5,3,1,11,4,3,0,1,50,32,0,5,34,4,2,10,18,12,0,8,17,14,65,10,70,63,17,75,2,5,1,1,53,27,3,9,37,375,115,7,0.0,0.0,0.09625530005614866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207372927850085,0.0,0.0,0.03353820730645365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344845762122465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390087978077489,0.0,0.0,0.2104482979496521,0.1634049141577795,0.0419663310666054,0.22225981983993645,0.051756624433657306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028340185581407,0.0,0.05217233420156789,0.0,0.10341882081906373,0.0,0.0,0.07875346829319836,0.0,0.0,0.031806291884963464,0.0,0.042477870854078566,0.0,0.05118471909592817,0.051527237422694536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055476568717451005,0.08736293854349356,0.050959097078814096,0.0,0.13029736822212284,0.04461132179394624,0.04155288417293186,0.0,0.0,0.14472859369772312,0.09298600797491607,0.0,0.09974747178165476,0.07046615825651976,0.0,0.0,0.045076129641021964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03810327816582722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408636008454999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052847250837825,0.0,0.044179604688410416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058442548614608784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053272341602655586,0.0,0.0,0.043836465330985626,0.2182540366077824,0.0,0.13552053085535656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358459246464828,0.05043141159870897,0.13934019481442986,0.07228344606464224,0.049429999260829104,0.1306471682615073,0.043645237384431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044511786968966655,0.0,0.09876125698339544,0.05000112289322595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939259300539254,0.0,0.0,0.05241766061661516,0.0,0.03656897316636866,0.0760747902405196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732234071880384,0.0,0.051751370888645766,0.0,0.10025828490640892,0.0750177403296927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340702769622086,0.09415999811561533,0.0341911729807281,0.0,0.051527237422694536,0.0,0.0,0.2779954629092383,0.047233400118374715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732700919876425,0.1122702864901842,0.0,0.050707535376608215,0.0,0.0,0.05586813999305381,0.0,0.0,0.0392199759777689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187390522225575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692871384804397,0.04123239578030849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896074591974824,0.048455083529700786,0.3523797492771274,0.028757959169223482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635383291006973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277140009264612,0.05817854735481274,0.07829331026119489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056713733006834785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035034380635625334,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arealreadydead,2019/04/06,"I need to talk This has been in my mind for a while and I just need to say this somewhere.
I’m dividing this into things that matter and things that don’t really matter

Don’t really matter:
Banned from something I love (numerous times, I may add, and not just on Reddit, but irl and other sites)

Matter:
I’m extremely stressed because I’m failing two classes and I don’t want to retake them. I’m not doing great in the others, but they’re better.
The entire school thinks I’m retarded (I’m not, in a clinical sense)
I come home and what do I get? I get scolded for not doing well. Every day.

I know very well the effects of suicide, I don’t want to do it. It just feels like I’m getting close to that point.",1.4227413127413122,3.3306543243243247,3.282857142857144,90.35500000000003,80.08108108108108,6.1204633204633225,20.706563706563703,7.1686216300943375,0.5151104247104246,552,15,118,7,14,185,82,148,0.197,0.6940000000000001,0.11,-0.9657,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,3,5,8,0,1,5,0,11,2,0,1,0,34,30,9,1,4,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,13,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,2,2,1,1,2,12,6,14,28,0,12,0,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,4,74,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175160686536877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213372661623435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791597748377909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822775393492495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445699181319292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269329156700196,0.13096552797199593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873350944503849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211354500820133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388727056263554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007491727300163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956204331947552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545558394559873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510332053610526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27186240865822164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329888172792196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348819913691049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578529575229845,0.0,0.1855320116915621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411305062016002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999513976284745,0.0,0.0,0.20052490337242035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734756586845765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435824553716101,0.11746556368628396,0.0,0.0,0.1068967401992852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907930432726835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126014301980215,0.2162565509312932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32965762889161043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,inf-tea,2019/04/06,"I'll never be free I can't for the life of me find a legitimate reason to live, other than my family.

Either way I'm trapped. I'm not living my life because I want to, but merely because I feel obligated to. I'll always feel that obligation. I'm not sure why, though. My death would merely be a benefit to my family. 

I'll never be free. Jesus, I feel so fucking confined. 

I want nothing more than to die. ",0.21929411764705967,2.439200870588234,3.5508823529411764,84.74397058823531,87.35294117647058,6.223529411764706,20.264705882352946,7.554174236665415,0.97584705882353,314,10,64,6,10,114,50,85,0.236,0.691,0.07400000000000001,-0.9481,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,3,16,14,3,2,3,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,10,6,9,10,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488175931321614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24158825356835026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565475965767055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37360789429689134,0.0,0.3005810527738401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811110966585304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319213269232992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799270444515753,0.0,0.0,0.34995095493794154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056604193450845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901361339646036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037374862049165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675979067588627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468737415198006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23375521805761426,0.15728709846383002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880507005716267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076441673679216,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,venuzbarz,2019/04/06,"I think I need to do it tonight I'm Aleks. I'm a 17 year old high school senior from a somewhat big city in my home state. This time last year, things were great, but now I think I need to go through with it.
My girlfriend of over a year and a half broke up with me a couple of months ago. That was the first nail in the coffin. We're still ""friends"", but she treats me poorly and I feel like a nuisance to her all the time. It hurts because I feel so unloved. My friends don't like me anymore; in fact, today I got ditched even though hanging out with them was what was getting me through the week. I have deep feelings for a friend of mine, but he's straight, and it kind of breaks my heart. To really add onto this bullshit, I have many very strong symptoms of bipolar disorder, and I feel unstable all of the time.
Senior year has put me through the ringer. I can't really do this anymore. I've gone back to self harming and going back to my eating disorder behaviors that I dropped over a year ago. I used to see a future for myself, but now I don't. I don't see myself going to prom, or graduating, or starting college. 
I have a plan. I'll ask a friend of mine (the guy I happen to like) if he can take me to a park nearby and just leave me there. I plan on jumping into the river, maybe with weights around me. I don't know how to swim anyways. I wrote a ""will"" of some sorts that I can leave behind, I just need to write letters for certain people in my life. I just feel legitimately hopeless now. I honestly don't believe life is for me, and that's okay. I've come to terms with it. I feel as though me committing suicide was just written into my ""life story"" beforehand, you know?
If you're still reading this, thank you. My time on this app has been short lived, but that's okay. I guess I'll keep whoever cares posted if I happen to not do it. Have a nice day, everyone. Goodbye.",2.418404333907908,3.7240220330788847,3.4661528359189044,92.79184683575474,75.48854961832059,6.394122958220471,24.636706886645328,6.828538100315305,0.6734176967906098,1461,47,332,13,31,470,192,393,0.116,0.752,0.132,0.5324,0,0,0,0,0,2,56.0,0,2,1,4,19,23,0,0,22,2,25,8,1,2,5,60,61,22,2,6,15,0,7,3,5,1,5,0,1,2,18,18,2,1,10,2,1,9,7,5,0,2,10,9,54,18,51,50,5,63,0,3,2,0,18,19,0,9,34,212,72,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580272444390114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679777852651116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934987403666015,0.08333006042685953,0.0,0.0,0.1370800535488838,0.0,0.05433643451769865,0.0,0.0,0.10042566731373888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088001942612334,0.0,0.0,0.07678270953350216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862720919125807,0.0,0.05748529967536802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431499224671906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120830738559116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058873439933291284,0.0,0.0,0.08517319925764502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27041882128074385,0.06367872493591374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581897501518615,0.0,0.0,0.27546478814928993,0.0,0.04656984354909356,0.0,0.15197400644985035,0.0,0.07129014452552564,0.09827267554826878,0.09819327421597693,0.0882585828758799,0.15764521391127748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562650412232767,0.0,0.0941770020743872,0.08941060371151925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542185472063676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922810855709672,0.0,0.09282135264273074,0.09797355009582978,0.07265767831925991,0.0,0.18876415556178092,0.0,0.0,0.1888780265089253,0.1306419363069061,0.0,0.07870865767077463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903698407855223,0.08954902058755844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114744750481658,0.0,0.0,0.1982794840302972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353316239769947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179562937290069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853675797955865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089606227377194,0.0,0.0,0.08916004967556197,0.0,0.114205516156825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021031810630332,0.14205958865954366,0.0,0.09298821296487307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309086877951656,0.0,0.14236813484807911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975002381342932,0.0,0.0,0.09264635896570987,0.06701912492392714,0.0,0.0,0.08206438692222505,0.0,0.0,0.059217950001850615,0.11422940731427247,0.1751511938313484,0.0,0.2079035062463659,0.0,0.08449043756913031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698482285045807,0.0,0.07354647585725425,0.0,0.0,0.07149946502777875,0.10854354722219753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28700307671148056
suicidewatch,Rock_anda_Hardplace,2019/04/06,"I can lift the weight... I can take away the heavy feeling of knowing you have to be near me. I'm so sorry that I'm such an awful parent, I'm so sorry I'm an awful wife. I'm sorry I'm unattractive and stupid, I'm sorry that I clearly will not change even though I love you, you deserve to enjoy your life not regret your life with me.

At least you can go fuck some young fun hotties, you'll be relieved to be free of me anyways, and then you can find her. I know you were not meant to be with me - you're meant for so much better. I won't be there to ruin our kids anymore, mean loser mom is checking out. I'm tired of being bad, I'm tired of failing. I'm done with watching myself kill all the fucking joy for those I love most.

Im sorry I waited this long to take out this evil bitch, you guys can be fucking free of me... Finally. ",-0.7051198801198773,1.3314175989011012,1.5110889110889154,98.96345654345656,90.04395604395604,3.5288711288711294,16.514485514485518,4.347061598140703,-1.029547252747253,641,15,151,1,22,214,98,182,0.258,0.573,0.168,-0.9593,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,10,0,3,8,21,7,0,5,2,19,10,0,0,2,23,44,7,1,1,3,3,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,7,0,3,1,4,12,0,0,4,3,26,11,21,30,5,10,0,4,1,5,19,5,4,2,4,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645435974385268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032494921436116,0.0,0.09804523349234566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385314899583672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422041364194425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016686684316398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755831335088326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059373767697377386,0.0,0.0,0.1286336933061937,0.10732461092793848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256734357365101,0.0,0.0,0.06673551280386178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162695238183565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268394909070019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299137134716699,0.0,0.12906776480261334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588194587886965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391770896138927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196186346061452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791059287103115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375271101782695,0.0,0.0,0.08632111794195511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303869163919465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6572401341373381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765784468256515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536977617025053,0.0,0.0,0.26992625215927113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299239958144838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kikass1997,2019/04/06,Just wrote a draft of my suicide note I just finished writing a draft for my suicide note in case I ever decide to act on my thoughts of ending it all. My depression has gotten quite worse and the therapist and medication does not do anything to make it better. My urge to end it all has gotten quite strong recently.,5.539838709677419,6.283924758064518,6.061451612903228,79.21217741935486,67.54838709677419,8.780645161290323,31.62903225806452,8.841846274778883,2.578051612903225,253,10,47,4,4,82,42,62,0.21600000000000005,0.6970000000000001,0.087,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,3,13,8,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,7,2,8,4,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670976377505762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991689898046324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849521501198089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791727423460985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803854336275526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942413713206348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433382171339859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632433562731532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567971961878988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120262929697407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697735457223972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493255158656455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047671849699952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883474113318085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uhhhidkjason123,2019/04/06,"I'm really better off gone Yesterday my friends all turned against me by making fun of me, ignoring me and physically pushing me off the lunch table. A girl that I've known since freshman year came to my lunch period and kept teasing me and hitting me. Her boyfriend tried to stop her but she also hit him. After school I was like you know what screw those guys, at least I still have this girl that I have feelings for. We spoke on videochat and she told me that she found a love interest. Now I just want to die because I have no one anymore. ",3.2062895005096834,4.951952055045872,3.639755351681959,90.53855249745158,74.3211009174312,7.046279306829766,25.87257900101937,7.793537801064563,1.2699777777777776,430,15,91,6,9,134,80,109,0.117,0.7120000000000001,0.17,0.815,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,1,1,0,1,5,9,2,0,3,0,4,4,0,1,1,18,19,6,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,6,2,3,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,7,2,22,6,12,10,2,14,0,0,0,2,16,4,1,0,8,60,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264173481496066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389007413662468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684590041418652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304993941744094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755169736477792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250008499257185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180254265971813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641263153572346,0.18611303450086436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385215590004747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238827969021733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768796228610152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174149874401119,0.0,0.16079768909738335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632350682669832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543219756796272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243796184025572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926885799368496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923771511474945,0.2013970101211959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301832140287356,0.0,0.16355027096768887,0.26202198784282443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208470389258124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512694417817027
suicidewatch,DummyDoll123,2019/04/06,"Giving in.. I'm sitting here with a knife. I'm so ready for it all to end. But I'm scared. I'm scared of the pain. I'm scared of the pain it will cause my family. I dont want to hurt them. I love them more than anything. But I cant go on. Life has so much badness. And I feel like I'm only adding to it. I've never been anything but a burden. I'm a selfish, delusional, ugly, stupid, worthless nobody. I have never achieved anything in my life and I never will. So why go on? I truly believe the world would be a better place if I had never been born. But I cant change being born. I can only change when I wanna leave.
I guess I'm reaching out because I hope theres some truth out there that I havent realized. Something that will make me better and make me want to go on. I dont want to die. I want to be happy. To be somebody. But no matter how hard I try to chase happiness and how much I sacrifice to get it. It never sticks around. It's only fleeting moments of sunshine before the rain starts pouring again. Drops of self hatred hitting me. You're not worth anything. You're so ugly how could anyone ever love you. You'll never achieve anything. No one will remember you when you die. Everyone would be better off. I tell myself that almost daily. Sometimes I'm strong enough to tell that voice to go away. Often I'm not. Today it has taken over. ",-0.3438947368421061,1.8962032245614082,1.8676315789473683,95.03092105263157,92.19298245614037,3.9824561403508776,17.324561403508774,5.580996634294187,-0.4645438596491221,1049,28,226,7,38,351,142,285,0.16699999999999998,0.617,0.21600000000000005,0.9678,0,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,0,4,2,6,16,23,1,3,8,0,25,6,0,6,9,48,55,19,2,10,8,0,2,1,0,7,4,1,0,1,11,8,0,0,3,0,1,4,15,11,0,1,4,4,31,12,30,37,6,35,1,2,1,2,12,13,0,6,17,146,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586954208550862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599607006467813,0.0,0.35283829283262835,0.07633861702107746,0.0,0.0,0.08056804740104216,0.0,0.07160042289354879,0.05227441524382336,0.0,0.07296974156912563,0.09661460272271816,0.0,0.2275254733574323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880922600862845,0.1814312400912204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846703158189436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799677168777964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010044559520525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595197014149874,0.08860608134972309,0.0,0.0,0.07756876857295103,0.0,0.0819409522387561,0.0,0.0,0.08084057861414479,0.0,0.04335944466129947,0.06126217406504481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480255948211435,0.08226237849408878,0.1949423044271655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944669269538592,0.0,0.0,0.1825719630961269,0.07681811239640984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517237514586429,0.0,0.0,0.09180068035891466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080036202754634,0.0,0.0,0.1211401824675045,0.04189473041052465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479140107580522,0.0,0.11448198616938407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260770835895945,0.0,0.3968293850824721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058108654833906224,0.19565774464306426,0.18249511275898786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895939459786837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971417713588234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25756203677495193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945939313930404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601707923217066,0.08481220559040321,0.0,0.0606966265259781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499043264174791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128410074795085,0.0,0.0,0.05822086114553079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231807057948836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737901443312194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183336670334985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,7amadah4ever,2019/04/06,"I think I’m going to kill myself soon I’ve just grown sick and tired. Great, I left my religion and became am an atheist, but am still forced to do the daily prayers and go to the Mosque. If my family knew I’d likely be disowned and the social community wouldn’t be exactly welcoming either but I could still live with that and pretend pretty easily, as terrible as it could be.

Oh wait, now the other issue, social anxiety, caused by my retarded dad no less. Just constantly humiliating and embarrassing myself in public, being easily emotionally effected (still do...) and destroyed by things that should mean nothing, having this constant insecurity and dread overthinking every interaction, and I can’t even go to therapy because no one takes me seriously and my father would call me insane (Egypt in general is a shithole regarding mental illness tbf though).

I still manage to get over it. I watch, read, and practice enough that it’s almost solved. But too late, even when I try not to be the quiet kid, even when I’m more proactive, I’m bogged down by my shitty shelter parent of a father, and I have no friends, I’m lonely and just spend most school breaks or free sessions cutting myself. School feels like a release despite that, no shelter parent is there and I’m afforded the privacy of crying instead of holding it in in my small ass three person bedroom with my brothers.

Every time I try and express how I feel, and I open up, I’m called dumb, insane or “edgy”...it’s just one thing on top of another. It feels like I’m already dead. Like my soul has been mutiliated. And school teachers seem to agree based on how they keep asking me if I’m ok, why I’m sitting alone, and why my face looks so tired. It’s amazing how kind and caring people really are...

April 16-May 6 will be my end of year examinations. I am not going to stay in bed lonely the rest of the summer. That’s just too much. So I’ll leave it till then...if things don’t get better this week or the next, I’ll write the notes, and hope I have the guts to end it at the tender age of 13.",5.256609686609687,5.891760432098768,6.247469135802473,78.0155341880342,68.1358024691358,8.996201329534662,28.416429249762587,9.057496981413335,2.229560303893636,1625,52,310,28,26,541,227,405,0.215,0.638,0.146,-0.9848,3,5,0,0,0,2,58.0,0,0,1,3,26,26,4,3,16,1,27,8,3,5,1,66,56,39,2,8,16,6,3,4,1,4,5,1,2,2,19,23,0,3,9,2,2,5,9,11,0,3,2,6,30,16,35,42,7,44,1,2,2,1,20,15,2,9,25,197,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080917999524728,0.09392360568751276,0.10007453217602234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509244043718598,0.06937473320035617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477940221329176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528149641575599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020461878106654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520160161377824,0.0,0.0924606760226905,0.09315975965491444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599923921790624,0.0,0.14481118318924355,0.0,0.0996145875701962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020098254637414,0.1606422011824602,0.09370313844166188,0.0,0.17969223896695122,0.0,0.15281415415522845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549092583935755,0.0,0.13756107878697035,0.12957255055658826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006397196425265,0.0,0.09475964560769896,0.0,0.2061563434656099,0.0,0.0,0.09998191101992213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007190858828139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465288420388142,0.0,0.08060610597847838,0.10033089958442856,0.09443577442964823,0.0,0.0,0.10229804026501167,0.09602364492385694,0.09853087621017592,0.0,0.0,0.17721888447539436,0.0,0.08007762039481309,0.0,0.07615361027041226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878391207658542,0.0,0.0,0.09139041058970468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666482840657567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644585592376947,0.0,0.0,0.08701590290933706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290270025754335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139269775390425,0.0,0.0,0.06287042743989163,0.0791837357617835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226051877084572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090710791208848,0.0,0.05809593404612004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27533798019633265,0.0,0.08255735626440061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488642342431466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665947654671013,0.2896886262847593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818477412356533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370763051349624,0.0,0.18074374514080868,0.058108087391720686,0.08909878040349897,0.0,0.0528798817837319,0.208461008286848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231400221973476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274303981749422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636604709622188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644209102418083,0.0,0.0,0.05839897187721708
suicidewatch,Anomalistic_Username,2019/04/06,"I really have no ambition in life and I want to end it Call me a spoiled child because I am one. 

My parents did everything for me even before I was born. 

They gave me the Canadian citizenship because I am an anchor baby and I also have my dad’s citizenship which is also nice.

My parents still try to help me and give advice on what to do in life.  

I graduated in June of 2018 and studied in England until January 14, 2019. I dropped out of university because I disliked my course. 

I am now a year behind all of my senior batch.

My mother knows I have no ambition and wants me to tell my dad already because he could use that money to support my step siblings. 

If I do so, he will not support me anymore and how the hell will I work? I have no background in anything and I am a high school graduate loser

I will describe myself in full honesty:

I am an introvert and have social anxiety. 

I blame my parents for my mistakes when it’s really my fault. 

I am a failure in life.

My main goal in life is to have money and do what I want. In order to make good money nowadays you need a degree in a science field. 

I cannot speak my father’s language or my mother’s and I don’t want to learn them because I am not interested in them. 

I am weak willed and have a negative view of life. 

I’d like to die but the possibility of hell existing terrifies me. ",2.1251881720430106,3.8035998745519706,4.550201612903226,83.14530241935486,77.13620071684588,7.374014336917562,27.39560931899641,8.212053250817874,1.9119974910394275,1051,44,215,19,24,369,142,279,0.15,0.789,0.062,-0.975,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,3,3,8,12,2,0,12,0,29,6,0,3,1,30,41,20,1,8,5,8,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,1,6,12,0,0,2,0,3,1,8,6,0,1,3,2,50,6,31,33,3,27,2,1,1,0,22,15,2,2,10,160,56,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169831571152434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210740053289788,0.1914705208319191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158089942046488,0.0,0.11872414204654085,0.0,0.0,0.09851444009226272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648827843735872,0.0,0.10186781565924699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224140164198395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558190562197756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424425478508025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060310907912612,0.0,0.0,0.07906998270750835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759124407688282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484059869101512,0.0,0.100410442147724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024178571301313,0.12648443736096254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579169588738336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227877717244313,0.058486224327795884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799100395083599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876643067623112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112131976265273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987847638365051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495957282899065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338373633092015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115698183742035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203336983604225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560377288377442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27170010775825904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463533213663218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127796293587193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339447836619747,0.0,0.0,0.2824417282443282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715323405259881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709190541029018
suicidewatch,Throwaway4206974,2019/04/06,"I just want to blow my fucking brains out I’m so fucking tired of being isolated, with absolutely nothing happening in my life. Loneliness combined with constant overthinking/compulsive thoughts is driving me nuts. I can’t even blame someone for my current state. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. I’m just rotting away in my own cell",4.078095238095237,7.137722523809526,4.7771428571428585,76.84285714285717,77.73015873015873,8.044444444444443,37.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.149800000000001,281,18,45,7,7,90,48,63,0.204,0.7390000000000001,0.057,-0.8615,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,1,0,6,5,1,1,0,8,13,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,10,11,1,8,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,2,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278198524825509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601049977647895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090505865564276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991711021606608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285351649313375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118774969005806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24481312587349846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554381610549545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656402512863745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345698764931669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978401209983234,0.0,0.31819261062214016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329035825427504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Boomin12sVA,2019/04/06,"I got replaced, now the love of my life is with someone else who is ""better"" than me. I've been seriously comtemplating killing myself. I feel no happiness in life, save for the rare occasion I may use some pot or some meth. The love of my life is 27 years old (I'm 33). 

She had blocked me initially after she moved away, then out of the blue, she decides to unblock me and contact me yesterday. Initially, I am over the moon. While she is 1500 miles away, I felt like she was sitting right beside me, and we were just talking away on anything and everything. Then, about an hour and a half into the call, she says ""sorry I gotta go. Take care."" Just like that, she's gone again. Old douchebag replacement of mine must have texted or called her, so he could probably tell her what great BS he's accomplishing at work rn. Well, I hope his dick is bigger than mine too, since he's so fucking smart, the fucking smug neckbeard fuckboi assclown. 

It just really feels there's no point to my life anymore. Literally nothing but the occasional drug use brings me joy now. I'm a sad shell of my former self, and all I really want is some peace of mind. And to not be so fucking depressed anymore.  I'm actually an intelligent guy, who doesn't look bad, and I have some extraordinary programming/database/IT Skills, but I just don't get any enjoyment from work anymore.....I just feel like I'm taking up space for someone who is more worthy than me. Hopefully I get the courage to end this shit so everyone can live a happy life knowing I'm fucking dead.",3.675866336633664,5.31683672277228,4.482924917491753,85.4087438118812,72.86138613861384,7.9542904290429055,28.136551155115512,8.59863814320734,1.9870551155115512,1209,47,247,22,24,389,183,303,0.118,0.6990000000000001,0.184,0.9669,0,0,2,0,0,3,49.0,1,0,0,5,16,29,6,0,14,0,21,14,2,2,2,43,53,18,2,5,10,0,4,3,0,3,6,1,0,2,7,11,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,11,1,1,7,7,36,18,29,41,6,34,0,2,2,7,27,15,6,9,17,146,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.09372188704392732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531098183679662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049317133286134,0.0,0.0,0.07903332798100894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27070024899720324,0.0,0.08018998817695062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849402106912765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613662280943006,0.0,0.09791991310953216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668069867723781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271972996250977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137674234563624,0.0,0.08022969648379116,0.0,0.0850635700394956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917710220930268,0.08631520488823151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568321865576694,0.06861150836041867,0.0922141507867711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551523860436177,0.10035462277951382,0.0,0.05458215348268005,0.0,0.07681253593018998,0.10588523100559163,0.0,0.09509541064086076,0.0,0.2044742610513295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19078020715335867,0.09458076161954314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625482520912424,0.0,0.05278146710903096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391819980681316,0.14076193130693926,0.0,0.08480571382750776,0.0,0.0806500149190555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336099593457613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969737473758736,0.0,0.0,0.10207608442447544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921536594642544,0.0,0.20155715618629855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078952191960776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354813814013394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230522868428331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201824869101905,0.0,0.07637543400331846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001914149141754,0.0,0.09858441721724973,0.07944587465490753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274997794381546,0.0,0.0,0.10750972119415712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442133552936814,0.07719389143097842,0.08394382098108025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658966891044192,0.0,0.0,0.056647303996630476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635213979975306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983757355843024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184707378193696
suicidewatch,Trvs25,2019/04/06,"Slowly starting to accept my reality I'm starting to come to terms with what my life has turned out like, rather than regretting it I'm trying to learn to accept who I am now and how my life is, I'm trying to get better. Things have been difficult but I think I'm doing okay with it all ",3.7223770491803294,4.139803491803279,5.252581967213113,84.56608606557378,71.45901639344262,8.067213114754097,23.44672131147541,8.07648339933343,1.062832786885246,227,5,49,3,4,77,40,61,0.059,0.784,0.158,0.6187,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,1,14,16,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,10,15,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28088399269943365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735770724105245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659285213843385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486487287648458,0.15515923088253386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44958598834039976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109937705257765,0.20349989617514505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312477463461605,0.3454485005796253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SlothFaceThing,2019/04/06,"Done I can't take this constant abuse anymore. Everybody in my life is either against me or trying to manipulate me. My ""friends"" act like they're above me and can control any aspect of my life, even when I detach from them completely, and I'm constantly being harassed and psychologically abused by the places I go to seek help. I'm in constant pain and I don't even have enough money to afford my pain medication. No one believes me about being in pain despite a medical record the size of the fucking bible. I'm so fucking done. I am being constantly mentally, psychologically and emotionally abused every single day and no one gives a fuck, even when I reach out for help. I want to fucking die",5.016165413533834,6.6876464436090215,6.010533834586468,75.65880827067674,69.52631578947367,8.62827067669173,30.59323308270677,9.120678840339163,2.7088351879699246,559,23,101,11,10,185,83,133,0.244,0.6859999999999999,0.069,-0.9817,2,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,5,0,5,0,11,11,0,2,0,12,22,10,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,8,0,2,2,0,16,2,15,17,3,14,0,0,0,4,5,5,4,1,8,68,17,0,0.0,0.3785749172025253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242741373834133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562486848636392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199952622829862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166902356096373,0.4603785716326488,0.11945501007162583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686872569182138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053592677650986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798427357542727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980438783050792,0.0,0.11004868489644504,0.0,0.21103769749102125,0.0,0.08973550394374208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822859095385349,0.3938505911366938,0.0,0.10216981082818608,0.06052954804596788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277682562196206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045601346533227,0.05203322295195656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145862363329508,0.10733252551412377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434180923390585,0.0,0.3399881845562143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112756120059258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007890500840775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231026476970165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628197220182349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,garbagebooilol,2019/04/06,Hey guys!! Guys ive tried to kill myself like 3 times because im loneley and i hate myself but tn i just got a girl that really likes me (i dont know why because i look like a piece of shit) to give me head so idk love u guys,-2.3590026954177894,-0.6267773584905658,0.7213477088948785,103.37641509433963,96.16981132075472,3.783288409703504,13.231805929919135,5.288315135182226,-1.409623180592992,172,3,47,1,7,60,40,53,0.126,0.606,0.268,0.8871,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,8,3,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,9,4,3,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,1,0,4,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452552459944618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357625477997503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297470645586168,0.0,0.0,0.16088911692295052,0.0,0.0,0.5975515502575702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860766641121036,0.20645215794767202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729149059951636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225580081386096,0.0,0.11055439753723996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948355050395024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16892697947041382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155823920555328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887072094251625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20649181330066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730026551280967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657705739657922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815190962068838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yourbigbrointhehood,2019/04/06,help When I was younger I turned in a note about feeling suicidal and they had me rewrite it because they couldn't read my hand writing and I have never wanted to die more in my whole life,1.6811538461538476,3.93018012820513,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,81.05128205128206,4.925641025641027,25.134615384615394,5.985473137389443,0.5636615384615382,151,6,32,1,4,47,33,39,0.16399999999999998,0.667,0.16899999999999998,-0.1979,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,7,7,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,4,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125942586314642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619465807437103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763380603961923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337592190627573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24633185433100016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689768615975614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488435490581657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814749905203971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793389539202027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057012977666773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893659966336661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FutureTones,2019/04/06,TFW you want to die more than anything else in the world TFW you're too suicidal on other mental health subs so the mods don't publish your posts,2.096,4.3678819333333365,2.4700000000000024,95.165,79.66666666666666,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.01400000000000068,118,3,25,1,3,36,27,30,0.242,0.72,0.037000000000000005,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,13,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097251719332603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906186051404164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144136426036184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000698208031444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792982302242292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604639274409236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116939808820683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199616817512705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SadSpeaker,2019/04/06,"just a vent / f m l have been through the darkness, the woods, the attempts, the pysch ward admissions etc etc etc, now am kinda at the stage  where I am at peace with the fact that suicide is the only way out. I kinda just go through days numb, have this fucked up front of being well and having goals to keep everyone else happy, but meh man, my heart and brain isn't here and I'm getting mad tired, I kinda miss that deep pain and darkness because in a real fucked up way it was something to anchor and hold onto.",9.682714285714287,5.527492485714286,8.807500000000003,78.67125000000004,62.23809523809525,11.261904761904766,36.726190476190474,7.1686216300943375,2.5630476190476186,401,11,86,2,4,126,75,105,0.273,0.6759999999999999,0.051,-0.979,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,3,0,9,0,10,7,2,0,1,17,17,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,2,0,4,2,13,14,3,16,0,1,0,2,1,9,2,3,2,55,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083966620765958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850453782559865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467838584905783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854475188920094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5949447454304969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991343984681712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287811457591967,0.09290295984560362,0.0,0.10105849581895196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892913703203017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107160798331498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580534789678577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352391753519684,0.1892116915712762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023966717036936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689356438394584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945048558898012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043764997014045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822885005270905,0.0,0.0,0.1598804151558443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tawritings1,2019/04/06,"I wish I lived in the olden times when expected lifespan was 30 or 40 That way I will just let nature run it's course instead of taking the hard way out and offing myself. 

I can't imagine myself living till 80 or 90, Its just not realistic to me..
Anyone feel the same??",0.9832738095238084,3.183568874999999,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,83.46428571428572,5.161904761904762,18.261904761904766,6.42735559955562,0.02374761904761913,211,5,43,2,6,72,47,56,0.027000000000000003,0.915,0.058,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,7,5,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,6,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620269921629906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634288577640085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698614375174724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161821460649681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5460657783014459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248300565450325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029939988446764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908636517631941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555694604811675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TVJJ,2019/04/06,Sobriety Couple of months ago I moved seven (7) states away hoping to stay sober... it worked but I recently dropped out of school because they wanted ($95k) to finish where I wanted to get. (Would’ve costed me 15-20k$) back home. So I dropped out.. but tonight two days after I got home. I went out and got so pissed up I’m back to where I started.. by taking my life. But I don’t know when.. tonight? Tomorrow?  When? Thanks for listening!,0.05236074270557012,2.4189137586206897,1.397011494252876,96.96644562334221,95.32183908045977,4.5160035366931925,18.18656056587091,6.297961479604792,-0.08179328028293575,335,10,72,4,13,106,62,87,0.098,0.8340000000000001,0.068,-0.684,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,8,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,11,14,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,3,1,11,2,14,11,0,27,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,14,41,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470448853131298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516840419340289,0.3030933144233286,0.0,0.12014154944900475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807146227471544,0.0,0.12710390431101098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296908899613984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152547089172861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953858423880927,0.19575046554892106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831308879586757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139207384284426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731184164809678,0.2094707972660912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945982485105191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946114406989096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394981985574712,0.21006702123102575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818383985895073,0.0,0.0,0.1814499366204704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252398868901835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324923805228493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827003211105264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348066046123018,0.0,0.0,0.14000395204859556,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whitewolfrevenge,2019/04/06,Would you really be happy if you killed yourself ? What do you expect to do once you are a ghost of you believe in that sort of thing . And my experience with an NDE I had My story of an NDE I was at work moving stock with a coworker when I grabbed a metal strap and cut my hand open . I lost alot of blood . I went into the office for help . I was beginning to feel really I'll not from the blood loss but from the pain that went to my gut . So I was in this room with another coworker who was giving me first aide and I had to sit down . Next thing that happened I was blasting off into a tunnel of white light then I'm walking through a corridor and notice what was a group of teenagers like as of I knew them and they were happy to see me so I got around to asking them where was I supposed to go and they pointed keep walking that way so I did . I get to the end and I am faced with millions of people facing this massive iron gate.  The place was all in white from the floor to the sky above and everyone was wearing the same color which was black or grey and they were waiting to be let in . I was standing to the side looking at them and after some time passed nothing was happening to which I then said to myself well what the hell is going on here how am I supposed to get out of here . When I thought that a woman came walking out of that crowd like she was blurry and as she got closer to me I could see her perfectly.  She was smiling at me and I told her I'm stuck how do i get out of here what are we supposed to do.  She then said telepathically do not worry you can't stay here anyway and you need to go back . She then continued to smile while placing her hand on my shoulder and like a bolt of lightning I burst awake back in my body finding myself on the floor so I quickly got up scaring the shit out of about 5 people who were attending to me . I asked them what happened they said I passed out and wasn't breathing for over 5 minutes.  I said you are joking right ? Later on I told my coworker who was in the office with me that was taking care of me that I think I had an nde I was in this place for what felt like 30 minutes . I think that woman was my unborn dead sister which was miscarriage before I was born which had grown up in heaven I felt a strong connection and bond with .  ,2.058677685950414,3.5239930909090917,3.391396694214876,92.29936776859506,76.76859504132231,6.244958677685951,22.01735537190083,6.853354925485097,0.3913018181818173,1792,48,403,17,40,585,212,484,0.067,0.79,0.14300000000000002,0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,8,8,6,20,20,4,1,26,0,46,13,12,2,2,60,90,34,3,5,5,1,6,4,0,1,1,4,2,2,27,33,0,2,8,1,0,14,4,8,1,2,47,19,76,12,78,38,4,78,2,2,8,0,43,41,2,5,23,302,103,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863842793639893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374040244571501,0.17588163511758173,0.0,0.0,0.14466486545599627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004488113363722,0.10598234589315986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448826561354464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758865346180384,0.09590852529270487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510558879195152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331626631954754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988593958106393,0.0,0.09201648706424792,0.0,0.0,0.04756357250691885,0.0,0.1806399318019287,0.0,0.08597638505385499,0.08001413433699933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743983483200074,0.09023853129713794,0.16038291951816452,0.0,0.2257041538675633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495518830402705,0.2002741241795437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305175150544111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361189952889972,0.10407222869613834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619083308505964,0.0,0.18382735877771614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899337070559842,0.0,0.1026862591531769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999793240610225,0.0,0.069750179152793,0.0,0.0,0.10004231214977714,0.0,0.0,0.0902607171398968,0.1070969633003696,0.0,0.1001792768242001,0.0,0.0,0.10009491122032174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304297186579569,0.0,0.2948429007123528,0.0,0.08892460055187322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052465111758942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033349937971103,0.3579205761478204,0.0,0.09417840954736972,0.0,0.14991992451212754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096559379720556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026389866417076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072737746371761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498910742754653,0.12054986420285055,0.0,0.07467942998829775,0.054851767234382766,0.0,0.0,0.1797718791621279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746667453901308,0.0,0.0,0.08457836737252568,0.17440382954344255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068482574353886,0.09553055043444078,0.0,0.0668231594779741,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idkanymore97,2019/04/06,"Can't take it Can't sleep, can barely eat anything, so fucking anxious all the time. I feel disgusting because I am disgusting. Idk what to do to distract myself and get over it, I don't want to do anything but lay here, I want to waste away. ",4.707133333333331,4.64979598,5.541999999999998,85.01433333333334,69.2,8.266666666666667,32.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.1448666666666667,189,8,40,2,3,62,35,50,0.302,0.698,0.0,-0.8787,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,1,0,7,3,1,0,1,6,13,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,6,13,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411181412412055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4969591008571775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836924535089591,0.0,0.0,0.18406623462584445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089707643881933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267525570677878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791483905339404,0.15775668435521364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021685854438593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270292131267509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606977666069762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35619648038753005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wowzrts,2019/04/06,"The most important thing anyone has ever told me Today I tried to take my own life. I had taken over 500 mg of Prozac in hopes of killing my self. I told my grandmother and she watched/helped me get the meds out of my system. She asked me why I did it and I said that I was tired of existing and didn’t feel like I belonged here. She of course flipped out and woke up my grandfather to calm me down. He is a man of few words and only speaks when he really has something to say. Today he said something that absolutely changed my life forever. My mother is a recovering addict and could not take care of me so instead of being put up for adoption my grandparents decided to take me in. All my life I felt like a burden and that it be better off if I just died. Well he sat me down and talked me through my depressive episode. After I had calmed down he stood me up and gave me the biggest hug ever. He said “ya know when you were young... like real young... 6 months or so. I couldn’t wait to come home and see you and play with you” he started to tear up. “Please don’t take that away from me.” He then started full on crying. That sentence has changed my life forever. 
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suicidewatch,itsON-Ders,2019/04/06,"i’m very drunk i’m very drunk and contemplating ending it all. it’d be so easy. i could put a round in my brain. I could go for a drive. i could jump off a high building.im scared im going to kill myself,  there seems to be a lot of pros and not a single con, so why not.",-1.9056451612903231,-0.08223841935483732,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,94.48387096774192,3.745161290322581,10.975806451612904,5.148860815047168,-1.8022645161290325,206,2,56,1,8,70,42,62,0.21,0.7290000000000001,0.061,-0.8498,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,5,0,6,3,1,0,1,10,11,4,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,6,5,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,33,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319196925161821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976186708027338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840064118132256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361402467995044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195011604174083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488151424674404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298465619946881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766231328615283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884791888347234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799577293374366,0.0,0.0,0.18912941659388968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428339496839576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874636664323083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Full-time_FAD3R,2019/04/06,"I’m not sure what to say but I’ve never had a true chance to express myself and live a normal childhood , I was a raised in a cult and tried killing myself three times when I was in there . Twice as a teenager, last time was 4 years ago as a religious leader in the cult . I’m bisexual and repressed my sexuality because it was seemed as evil and something god hates. I have never impulsively lives my life and feel like I should’ve done more things as a teen and as a kid . Because of my upbringing when I finally grew up and was allowed to research them I learned it was all a lie and that I wasted 25 years of my life to a Lie . 

I felt happy to be free from them and from all the illusory obligations handed to my by this high control Group . 


But now trying to live my life and reach for my goals I feel like I can’t see them. I’m not making any headway and I have a real problem connecting to normal people . 

I hate to say this but maybe I shouldn’t be alive anymore . I don’t want to make it seem like the cult is right and I’m wrong for taking my life but I’m just too sad and alone in this world to get my life together . 

I wish i wasn’t this way but it’s what I am . I hate the situation but I really feel like I cannot breathe , I feel like my body is just aching to end it all . ",2.0806663240835874,3.051277176258996,3.8347276464542652,91.14797362110313,75.79856115107913,7.021856800274065,22.950325453922574,7.447530270364453,0.6338411784857829,997,27,238,12,21,336,136,278,0.194,0.68,0.126,-0.9769,1,1,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,3,2,7,18,5,1,15,0,20,8,3,4,7,50,42,26,1,6,10,0,6,5,0,1,5,2,0,1,13,13,0,2,8,0,1,1,9,9,0,2,10,9,36,10,29,29,4,24,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,2,19,149,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164161959124316,0.0,0.0,0.10707223981882484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030308594761496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252684479704616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260410223488318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483373819837743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595134226769985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579534964320428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156548113824747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909153007631293,0.2954235648339538,0.09926262300800637,0.11324957466842404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401265967903175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005171829056484,0.0,0.3062040106740464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922841854241856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437650910979255,0.0,0.0,0.08426986549760772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651076816094181,0.2525353285800336,0.0,0.27386374635873395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801614527882206,0.0,0.10386079069575367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946864624743595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025841882830733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167183835289112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892230356233717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767098235694845,0.06622894997643615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828738789146319,0.0,0.1644265190941142,0.0,0.0,0.08238181225928252,0.18822959327519292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620533726197432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958826626845719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743600776427136,0.0,0.07773015562499241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686821929510676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056537528545105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403787460191465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060977192036822676,0.08205956374055957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188838273184136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113031635441846,0.0,0.1331488218800681
suicidewatch,Id0nthav3aname,2019/04/06,"I think I’m ready I went on a date today, it went bad. She didn’t see me the way I saw her. We have a second date planned but I feel like it’s gonna be awkward. I don’t think that relationship is gonna work they never do. My dog died recently, my friend group is falling apart, and my mom seems fed up with me. I think if the date dosent actually work out, I’ll be ready to go. I keep a noose in my closet for when I’m ready to check out. Admittedly the only reason I’m posting this is because I want, so desparately, a reason to stay. I don’t wanna die and leave everything but it’s all so miserable right now, I don’t think I can take it, for a couple of years now I’ve been miserable like this, and I don’t think it’s gonna get any better. I hate this feeling and if life is gonna be like this forever, I don’t wanna stick around.",1.4942933537051175,2.2648750106951887,3.6909434682964095,92.39086898395723,76.96791443850267,7.054087089381207,21.378533231474407,7.447530270364453,0.3936618792971731,645,15,162,8,14,223,101,187,0.175,0.674,0.151,-0.8248,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,1,4,6,10,1,3,8,0,17,2,0,2,2,30,44,11,2,5,4,1,2,3,1,4,1,0,1,0,10,9,1,1,11,0,1,4,7,5,0,1,6,4,24,5,15,31,1,25,0,2,2,0,9,8,0,3,13,90,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.13734491053217346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571009760973924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252911502575071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751456462434685,0.08579565455225417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447578688326505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572950349677214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921381227109112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264907746403354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232782589291554,0.10054686023151052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873772826255423,0.0,0.07353243261460463,0.0,0.07998751650421225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895461986758328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509888609601502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902656409256468,0.0,0.0,0.09941097570294777,0.2062798293063199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648365545266985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854971365985153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704142865792568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479293316013366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894145841546269,0.1389667786228182,0.15110535986052456,0.0,0.12019379233362824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215398565118938,0.12812718319956914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001336064845824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058212549536118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509123048206191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133407951018368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301389509645135,0.11171527891782423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609404274952854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492522755561904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063390722463324
suicidewatch,Ithinkiamaddicted,2019/04/06,Just venting I guess :/ Idk if this goes here bc it's not happening now but... I'm just so tired of living and I always think about how much easier everything would be if I was dead. It feels like everything is falling apart in my life and I don't trust myself to not swallow a bunch of pills in August 2020 if things keeps going like this. I really hope things get better tho because I don't want to die yet. Srry this is long but thanks for reading bc I really needed to vent,1.3133333333333326,3.423352303030306,3.0507979797979807,90.82286363636366,81.52525252525253,6.384242424242425,17.980808080808078,7.554174236665415,0.35866383838383875,374,8,80,6,10,124,71,99,0.12,0.7290000000000001,0.151,0.6354,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,0,20,19,10,2,7,9,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,2,1,1,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,9,6,9,16,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,6,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726236848423996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646594359290605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348187824680445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153111573127154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729040883054223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048982194669992,0.14820976214753906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838950438479318,0.0,0.11790453494585025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285410367541806,0.0,0.18345656010702507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605500301877475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844003493547372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653542666438502,0.2027093593768492,0.0,0.1831913475666736,0.1835959391477368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250727595163033,0.1538292692284178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20751655704125305,0.0,0.26580890874581203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100167722841768,0.0,0.0,0.27565496304996645,0.13293225724400845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23844522873489876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236552806181028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737392670365868,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,theskyistoo,2019/04/06,"[Vent] Alone Its hard. I wanna die so badly. But i cant yet because I have pets to take care of. But I am so alone. Basically no family even tho i live with them. I am hungry. My bf basically picks videogames over me. I have a huge headache. 
I am just crying rn because I wish I was back in time when I went to a concert for my fav band. I felt so happy there. I feel scared and hopeless. I have no job yet and i need one to support my pets (and myself I guess). I want to move out but since I have pets it will be even harder...basically impossible for me.  Unless i get roommates who are my friends but...none of my friends are like me. They all love living with parents. They wont move out. Boyfriend isnt reliable to move out with me because he doesnt confront them. And he prob wouldnt care to try and convince his family to let him. He for sure wont go against their word. Cuz family is #1 to him. It sucks. If i didnt have pets I wouldve died long ago but rn i cant.
",-1.0041091802703157,1.0344243412322314,1.4388204318062137,98.6659961383184,92.3175355450237,4.642513603651045,17.76742144988591,6.238725200709706,-0.3954245743373703,740,21,184,8,27,250,116,211,0.124,0.685,0.19,0.9458,2,2,0,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,5,0,12,15,2,1,2,0,23,1,0,2,2,31,38,17,2,6,7,1,3,1,3,4,0,1,4,0,4,11,0,0,2,2,0,5,10,5,0,1,4,4,40,10,24,28,1,18,0,1,0,1,18,6,1,2,8,120,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116246866472132,0.0,0.0,0.2597600207593664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642740535836583,0.10470652645901783,0.22933408302607536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557140662059601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377496484816602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26029767606338383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656554082177803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35465724257839204,0.0,0.06340768191308728,0.0,0.12040684428017175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377257377095794,0.0,0.06551805408775592,0.0,0.07126959147584873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814588499431293,0.0,0.0,0.13349415626371836,0.11233673480008456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444343596921092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823338167723008,0.0,0.061265723314858474,0.0,0.2214668419494336,0.11097798388919827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318138411325328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998516202935313,0.0,0.09298496601485937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497652889439204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924553621639266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555059094418136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373491461624773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423061910548368,0.118191136387842,0.0,0.09428768312375822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312367902269144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514061637687036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396612182641632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625012551891747,0.0,0.0,0.1442076186341003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DionicioLives,2019/04/06,"Romantacizing Suicide I've had suicidal thoughts since I can remember. Always thought about death starting at a very young age. I started researching euthanization in high school, suicidal thoughts got worse in college. I've been drinking heavily for a good 3 years, it's taken me down some dark roads. Before that I spent a lot of time doing various kinds of drugs from hallucinogens to amphetamines and everything in between. 

I've tried commiting suicide most recently in October. I have a gnarly scar that I cant hide and face everyday. And with the nerve damage i feel it everyday. A part of me has become attached to it and I've begun to romantacize it. The mutilation has scarred me but I look at as a tattoo. A physical representation of my darkest moment. I worry about that.

The suicidal thoughts dont really go away. And I'm starting to feel as if this is it. This is a part of me and the continual struggle of waking up and living is something I will live with until the day I die. 

I'm not sure what the next step needs to be. I continue to drink, struggle with shame every day. Self hate and the romanticization of suicide isnt what I want i need.",3.5231467181467164,5.952750040540543,5.063487773487776,77.58878378378381,75.62162162162161,8.733075933075932,29.940797940797943,9.362217197678863,3.0944797940797937,927,43,169,25,21,311,132,222,0.263,0.71,0.027000000000000003,-0.9956,0,0,4,1,0,3,21.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,3,15,0,15,5,2,0,2,29,35,13,8,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,11,2,0,7,2,1,2,4,5,0,0,9,3,18,4,33,24,6,31,0,1,1,0,1,11,0,4,18,110,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079401878078413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122756266026012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723804737841043,0.08262396677140134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252414465135794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077327281895183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379912503700672,0.19023980746239894,0.11260383518897855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180996608236316,0.0,0.08726618233611988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981921886492588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055183512155076456,0.08144190568753175,0.07765881775827939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958650085612172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259026250812624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111350673974052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148012092653045,0.0,0.08153857615759043,0.0,0.0,0.08254996707450114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399512880775234,0.0,0.0,0.10326572489997457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029717726471725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220400747706094,0.0,0.09587339690538166,0.0,0.10999406488596483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826921659873246,0.0,0.0,0.1012952734542644,0.0,0.0,0.08032116928257381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475143591753848,0.0,0.0,0.2061811901225292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301759373003025,0.0,0.6372622702664458,0.0,0.0915145137837779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083425525516764,0.05661911828889921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592374309197309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011671744215883,0.05727141545711102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860859199192434,0.0989520200513156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252847368663128
suicidewatch,katvonloff6969,2019/04/06,"Anyone else? So I feel like one day I'll be ready to just end it . I don't necessarily wanna die but also when I've had enough I'm more then ready. How people know they will die one day, I know one day I will take my own life. Just me?",-2.4422222222222203,-0.6934875370370328,0.5906481481481514,102.85041666666667,100.29629629629628,3.4407407407407407,8.601851851851851,5.148860815047168,-2.115103703703704,179,1,49,1,8,62,39,54,0.0,0.752,0.248,0.9107,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,10,6,2,1,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,7,1,2,6,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589527658330206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379532664831008,0.22536648571260395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255519064359801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565502295466629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18374140250140394,0.0,0.19481190065315784,0.22726887906935936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121417666976248,0.1571335219550168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24175937882687595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535837416724588,0.10745727916498922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471348460679258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248679829194253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653762877356333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloodparadise66,2019/04/06,"Need actual help Hey guys! 
I just had a quick question. Is there any way to do it which would not be so painful and can be made to look like an accident? My parents are good people so wouldn't want them to know.
I know it sounds magical but I am too chicken go to for any of the mainstream methods. 
Please drop in any suggestions/ideas you might have. 
Thanks! ",0.3502739726027393,2.7795430000000003,1.3200136986301378,98.60084246575344,91.60273972602741,5.111780821917809,19.628767123287677,6.742157984588678,0.1828202739726028,281,9,63,4,10,87,61,73,0.105,0.732,0.163,0.6822,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,1,0,13,20,4,0,4,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,6,3,7,13,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,2,2,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.21192609862650533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430481080150965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342242785610892,0.1821514676509898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503194195137484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556413378857794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451579242537632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23870134836182694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609804489258018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182367679045493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549102573352696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303825136436355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610284277209693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310836527225322,0.0,0.2411410223079051,0.0,0.0,0.1505579826366522,0.0,0.0,0.2383868891404394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432795343468836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999404920170959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280921939620016,0.17237903557030854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427097731912964,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,my-mans-not-hot,2019/04/06,I don’t care anymore I don’t care about my friends my family I just want to end it ,-2.7891666666666666,-1.1293802500000003,0.5800000000000018,102.77833333333334,101.5,4.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.4388333333333332,65,2,18,1,3,23,14,20,0.0,0.505,0.495,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560206218594492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7320264157241215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31795769781299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384228772227646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27735400861551457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174101154840289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilbabydollsub,2019/04/06,I’m sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit but I want to die tonight and I need help Can I just get someone to talk to me. They were so unhelpful on the suicide hotline ,-0.672162162162163,1.4955104324324324,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810814,93.32432432432432,5.122162162162162,23.616216216216216,6.742157984588678,0.7717394594594595,134,6,31,2,5,45,31,37,0.285,0.603,0.112,-0.8674,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38571415274208143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941718505056108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491092440800985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755738577968652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31738717524860416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31489794402923155,0.0,0.0,0.4160318863930446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065249144183977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29871829182824833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192088722678154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mushroomman22,2019/04/06,Just wish I could restart If I could restart with everything I know now and could act differently and present myself differently and just completely restart my life I would love it so much,8.542058823529409,9.263970852941178,6.657647058823527,77.60941176470591,61.05882352941178,11.505882352941176,40.52941176470589,11.20814326018867,4.506517647058826,155,8,29,4,2,45,23,34,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.7845,2,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,13,7,5,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621732804338672,0.0,0.0,0.5989351347593314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224992804912104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472934199132533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742126185193762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766181227046982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256804151353521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381595079444996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875458317991481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762876092506194,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Marebleman,2019/04/06,"Is anyone awake When it’s late and all you want is someone to talk to you. I don’t care I just want someone to talk to me. I really am afraid to be alone. I’m constantly with people but the second I’m alone all my thoughts come flooding in. 
I know it’s stupid and I know it’s typical but I just don’t want to be alone can anyone just please talk to me.",-2.3822321428571414,-0.7665901874999967,0.35607142857142904,102.6875,107.125,3.785714285714288,13.214285714285715,5.773587663045528,-1.0824464285714286,275,6,70,3,14,93,42,80,0.142,0.745,0.113,-0.6486,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,1,1,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,17,18,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,11,1,9,15,2,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,43,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528772772535189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24883990770723965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142193483826616,0.0,0.0,0.1532797617524317,0.0,0.1922901861382368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955826058753016,0.0,0.2007243424273336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233613583730972,0.0,0.0,0.19532495021318413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399307483212474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015363775948638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42906487648036495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126467526997166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148612933186839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dovahsoul6314,2019/04/06,"I always say i'm gonna do it I'm never going to do it. I'm too weak but maybe I will one day. One day the weight on my shoulder will break me. One day, I'll realize not even I care. I won't matter. They'll forget about me in a blink of an eye. They'll be fine but I was never fine.",-3.4404347826086936,-1.9379712028985487,0.4401304347826098,104.19671739130436,101.6086956521739,3.3397101449275364,9.798550724637682,4.935628992294339,-1.9558127536231884,213,2,61,1,10,78,45,69,0.105,0.792,0.103,-0.0268,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,9,4,2,0,2,8,15,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,1,3,10,3,5,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,5,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886429511787316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559261624168565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856510452198791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579280732498933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265740883209924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521779521162182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38719594149082665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102820644507821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961692271445047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056682169645837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nollilove,2019/04/06,"I think it will be tomorrow. What should I do to make sure my family is as settled as possible? 

I’ve already wrote up a will, with a lawyer. 
I have no money to help. 
I have written notes for everyone of importance as well as a general note. 
I have it planned to where no one in my family will have to be the ones to find me. 

Is there anything I’m missing? ",0.9793609022556424,2.6724619736842143,3.549548872180452,88.9518421052632,80.57894736842105,8.027067669172935,25.330827067669173,8.841846274778883,1.8891300751879696,274,11,63,7,7,96,50,76,0.087,0.7809999999999999,0.132,0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,13,0,0,1,1,8,19,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,8,2,14,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,49,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025009695472245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255794415914675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26193577376619703,0.0,0.0,0.5168365495510513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25054297757428473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837385178913008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829788818062185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37150496914125575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090319048423213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583571902019224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564661450140615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464690273568809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JoKeStA22,2019/04/06,"Depression So I'm going through dark times in my life and I need help, I've had depression my whole life (I'm 19) and over the last couple of months it has seemed to get worse I cant talk to councillors because really that does nothing (I'm sorry if this offends anyone it's not my intent) I've tried committing suicide many times (all failed) and I'm so scared that I'm getting to that point again, except this time is different because I have a kid and suicide is the last thing I'd want to do so this post is me screaming for help before it gets worse. 

Also don't think I'm doing this for attention if you do you can leave right now! Suicide/Depression is not a joke like I said I'm making this in the hope someone can really understand (I guess) what I'm going through.
Thanks for listening ",2.577874564459929,4.332390585365857,3.8724738675958217,88.16329268292688,76.07317073170732,7.3686411149825775,24.519163763066203,8.192908349453996,1.4103358885017423,632,21,132,11,14,207,95,164,0.212,0.703,0.085,-0.9761,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,2,0,1,6,10,1,1,5,0,14,2,0,2,2,21,38,10,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,13,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,3,11,4,14,36,2,16,0,3,0,0,8,5,0,5,9,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609903340898803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276846892746136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175319547431466,0.0,0.11289546536951105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680081964343222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428147428732395,0.0,0.0,0.13861567833527866,0.0,0.0,0.1161035651769878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079494470055216,0.0,0.15080293355336233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461549328687219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785664061854026,0.0,0.0,0.13177482504319832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162933903964019,0.0,0.14048219037625348,0.0,0.0,0.1874225806550336,0.06481762144855382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856066108425861,0.13451021079421382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589880515620327,0.0,0.0,0.09837579647241483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730390153346488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541943994321014,0.0,0.12706463852856328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998821640701128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330253313878208,0.12620297961986487,0.0,0.13282942298158645,0.0,0.0,0.12078106646433125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241391436424544,0.0,0.0,0.14851723784338786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902467785697565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663801753337962,0.0,0.12214802956004366,0.0,0.0,0.08814244739519603,0.08501188849722115,0.0,0.0,0.2320891367654289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007666838194536,0.0,0.0,0.13811790104134178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825432925884561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14812534113095618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704114747686785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tibbersbear,2019/04/06,"My baby died Monday and I can't do this anymore... I'm so broken... Monday I went into the doctor's for a routine ultrasound...my baby's heart had stopped....

Today (Friday) we had a ceremony for her, and had her cremated. I just wanted to take her home. Not in a fucking urn....in my arms, as she was. I love her so much....I miss her more. I keep thinking of how last week she was moving around in my belly and now my body is empty and my breasts hurt...

I literally can't do this. I don't want to live anymore. Not in a world without her. I want to live for my husband and my friends and family...but I just can't for myself. I've always believed that my suicidal ideation is caused by an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be in a situation. But right now I really can't live through this. This pain is ridiculous. I feel so lost and empty. I feel like I'm in my own personal hell. I just want this to go away. I can't do this anymore. I really can't. 

I miss her so much. I love her more than I can handle. I really don't know what to do....I'm completely broken. I will never be okay again. ",-0.5592672413793096,1.5618040215517262,2.3817241379310374,92.23568965517245,90.68103448275862,5.4413793103448285,19.206896551724146,6.953978226594392,0.3505741379310345,831,26,188,13,29,292,112,232,0.168,0.762,0.07,-0.9491,0,0,0,0,0,1,55.0,1,0,0,1,12,14,3,1,7,1,23,9,4,2,1,33,45,14,3,5,8,1,3,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,8,10,0,2,5,0,0,3,13,9,0,0,7,3,41,5,25,35,4,23,1,5,0,4,16,10,2,0,11,131,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244285111134382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662956729892348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095998518914686,0.0,0.0,0.11567207275841755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871021721600396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675475757433406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647463413668794,0.0,0.0,0.12908538403717104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127775564815078,0.0,0.0,0.12601502900750258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675431511927895,0.08795450410405553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511955862881573,0.11381928754483908,0.0,0.0,0.06996998546194441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589373137847989,0.0,0.0,0.12349596068396936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317988373839038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943166663991448,0.0,0.0,0.06766164855424568,0.10035643886327753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014853854057546,0.0,0.32614256776164724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343962826280045,0.0,0.22223502722477956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308534326235247,0.18100969375057765,0.0,0.09495509072691442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310047136679162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075006424141138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661488706700126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514088034921118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383881860455673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293096753415368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466954785541874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256834058948447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888812852752862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670011523324933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630867219594321,0.0,0.09875668830606278,0.0,0.0,0.1141302963026561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867998261356305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThingsAintGreat,2019/04/06,"After three years of aspirations, regret and failure I see no reason to live anymore I'm 20 and I still with my father. I have social anxiety, I'm bi polar and I'm very depressed. My life was basically put on hold for over five years because of my father and our economic situation at the time. Skipped high school (not by my choice), never got my drivers license, eye sight has gotten worse over the past few years I need glasses now and Im overweight. My life is a total train wreck. For the last three years I've been in a good position to do things, but after tons of ambitions and failures I can't do this anymore. We were supposed to go on a trip to look for houses in a new state I was incredibly hopeful moving to a new place I could really turn things around and get a new head start, but after getting lost in the middle of looking for houses my father blames me for it, I was completely caught off guard by it and shut down. He shouts at me and then says""fuck it we're going home"". I've tried talking about my issues, but he doesn't care. I'm typing this in a dead end hotel with his dumbass snoring right next to me trying to go sleep on these horrible blankets and uncomfortable pillows. When I get home I'm just going to keep overeating and living care free until one day I hopefully have a heart attack in my sleep. I have no friends, my father has kept me away from most of my family and my boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago. I'm alone, nobody cares and I have nothing to live for. ",4.141596638655462,4.996353215686277,5.132072829131655,84.22147058823529,70.76470588235293,7.789355742296919,26.66293183940243,7.957251820313856,1.4920618113912227,1188,37,242,15,21,390,175,306,0.194,0.737,0.069,-0.9896,0,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,2,0,0,1,6,13,1,0,13,0,17,9,5,1,2,36,47,19,1,5,5,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,0,8,18,1,4,1,1,1,8,6,5,0,4,10,6,32,9,49,36,5,57,0,4,5,1,12,23,0,3,25,153,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454385866676195,0.0,0.0,0.09877935757522734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296133413237417,0.0,0.18917201845041992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490364505937882,0.0,0.10850241516330987,0.08960760839794349,0.0,0.0,0.058139491789885686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29172238794406274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999848940944328,0.0,0.0,0.07614888472623778,0.0,0.0,0.06150874893026991,0.0,0.08214603270653945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447361723456241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991071702484564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736862058173492,0.08817231249717251,0.14948792982341566,0.0,0.2168144101637516,0.07999571817136371,0.07627980763057819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788189030031108,0.0,0.0,0.11301940077084198,0.0,0.10076853749239682,0.1913370690055636,0.18945706355283026,0.0,0.22009904531062516,0.0,0.0,0.1030209713353726,0.09954633902587548,0.0,0.08477335710135936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777430563784751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473184943617178,0.0,0.0,0.2526526481022077,0.0,0.16018134407175275,0.0,0.10411267972193564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612712311350238,0.10136814244302728,0.0,0.07071908279227349,0.07355879757613629,0.2763402481623689,0.1014320055028455,0.0,0.0,0.09151453380963456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462832046765704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910458802351949,0.0,0.0,0.09964619331187301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587785004962172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061099432893380476,0.0980610086090253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814494165123495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965242216471905,0.07600123528399566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720508491251653,0.1908870252959252,0.09722242878428666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750665699694891,0.0,0.07616630609471764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665851826532986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267253381090002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055613716200691665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950623217045432,0.1037402145241346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869406167762225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719490036103152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24567254984982814
suicidewatch,ArryonA,2019/04/06,I’m at the point of no return I’m 17 and recently over the last 3 months I’ve been secretly wanting to kill myself and my friends are now just learning about it and they are all leaving me and I just feel worse knowing that I am still fucking up my life by chasing everyone away with my problems. Tonight I was going to kill myself but my friends asked me to hang only to learn that the reason we hung out was for me to get de-friended by all of them. Now I wish I would have just done it  ,4.59,4.067947952380951,5.282619047619047,88.35821428571433,69.47619047619048,8.142857142857144,30.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.5926190476190478,385,14,88,3,6,125,70,105,0.104,0.8059999999999999,0.09,0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,1,0,2,0,7,6,3,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,2,23,19,5,2,4,4,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,1,17,2,17,14,2,16,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,8,64,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929810534274246,0.0,0.18019336515347015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196268135817098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326391670242026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697497328952463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444530290307048,0.17730710579475215,0.10020255201649918,0.0,0.1089988865891542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42437525467714704,0.0,0.10540297112410586,0.1563347487630848,0.0,0.20307830856882975,0.0,0.0,0.13546720963379516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530852428552187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586521813077996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130389095657484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351748140529084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971924421097395,0.1893698517564424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316403653544464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312292883184523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054945935977271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545077125629934,0.13624237549766774,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noodle_dew,2019/04/06,"Can I talk to someone for a while? Hey. I'm 17 and my name is Andre. I'm dealing with a lot and it would be good to have someone to talk to, because I'm alone right now fighting my thoughts. It's fine to talk about anything, just please be careful not to overload me, because I get anxious easily.

Thanks for reading, whether you respond or not. I hope you have a good day. I love the people on this sub.",1.1709705882352957,2.997022729411768,2.574926470588238,95.52591911764708,80.52941176470588,4.720588235294118,27.095588235294123,5.148860815047168,0.572441176470587,312,14,70,1,8,101,57,85,0.096,0.6559999999999999,0.248,0.9217,0,1,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,3,8,1,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,0,13,16,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,7,11,12,1,5,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,3,3,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003410814867156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852731819424825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918112588118438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23583325399546495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722062088424905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475004478744985,0.19942374625531126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106218635550256,0.0,0.0,0.3244894294954749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212532830336174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644521422647406,0.17458330062591002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410398093899578,0.0,0.0,0.2123343463929588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348807874517532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519305845980034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327794936491345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46642894319542205,0.0,0.1780896333813302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535663644563845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741119427571544,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothappyet,2019/04/06,"I recently tried to stab myself in the stomache. To anyone who feels hopeless please read this. Too much sadness here I didn't tell anyone or left any notes or hints. I walked into the woods at 3 am with a kitchen knife. I was fully prepared to die. But my buddy called, I felt like an idiot, why did i bring my phone? Im just used to carrying it around. But i didn't tell my buddy, I was crying during our conversation. I ended up going home. The next day i told my social worker what happened and they took me to a behavioral health hospital. I came upon some ideas and hindsight! I know we offer think here but hear me out. 
I believe that there is no god, no one is destined for anything, our lives are completely meaningless when we die we will have no brain to remember what happened and eventually earth too will die. I see the world this way. I know everything will end. Until I saw my niece, new born. So innocent, so helpless. I watched the flame from my match burn until it faded. I watched the sun set. I realized that there is beauty in this circle. That my life is limited. I ran to. Nj and found a new job. No one knows me so i got to present a new version of myself. Ofcourse im still very much depressed. By following what i imagine my best self would do i learned to cope. I still don't have friends though 😅 none the less i can't die here. Not after everything i've gone through. I wont let my mental illness win. The truth is im so scared. Im burning inside. Bit i have to try. I want to be a marine someday. Im holding on to that dream. It's all I have. ",0.2986230769230751,2.61164882769231,2.17444230769231,93.94443269230771,88.41538461538461,5.096153846153847,20.740384615384613,6.6274283507984215,0.34648461538461506,1219,41,265,15,40,402,193,325,0.202,0.7,0.098,-0.9905,1,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,5,0,1,4,17,11,1,1,14,0,26,6,2,1,2,39,49,17,4,2,7,0,2,1,1,5,3,1,2,1,14,12,1,2,12,2,0,8,11,6,0,2,14,7,49,5,30,28,9,38,0,4,4,0,18,11,0,3,18,172,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108285783945318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561294330249492,0.0,0.07391684218905674,0.07996169381131325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011999900192405,0.09426390932716047,0.0,0.09806367307730614,0.0,0.0,0.10027240025834247,0.09171953254444057,0.10273381443636063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417791881796804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866657012609666,0.05792853469647216,0.0,0.07736459265677713,0.0,0.3728892115813596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911339287542178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145460506920836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541731004739224,0.0,0.08624436051764785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848650524289952,0.0693971834020031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104859593268806,0.0,0.07183982051037273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588607225736577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954778638892237,0.1012372773202743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009999580039776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139946225589877,0.4851223619611351,0.0,0.08913566849082231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809344897165208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759317228841008,0.09185031022019237,0.06344478428289252,0.04388307957516367,0.0,0.07931553340667223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905206614337248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206077799170762,0.0,0.0,0.2602554259696153,0.09552799483477573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173305325489946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859890289606277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984750989100428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868957607416122,0.0,0.10175217839665812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992869544357654,0.0,0.07157746290880977,0.0,0.09370518987494704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156344320204872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346585102265413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570188761302299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057555081232338726,0.08825084035645528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582991923620756,0.0997968829536934,0.12196811663655185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757840711936713,0.0,0.07411354907358635,0.052980052047923436,0.07129747718424577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105146911181436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380782587170065,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zweee3444udgg3odue3,2019/04/06,"I'm at peace Hey guys this is suicide watch i know that. I know that most of the people who post are sad.

Ok let me get to the point. Yes my time has come. I was previously very nervous. I'm now at peace. I have consumed a large quantity of alcohol to soothe feelings of anxiety. I was miserable. It is going to happen. I know my family will be upset. I have decided to lessen that terrible pain by staging the scene. It will appear as if i was murdered if my body is ever found. I know how to do that. It will hurt a little but not long.

The truth is i have read posts on this site. I hear people describing the horrible pain of feeling like failures in their late twenties and thirties. I know my future holds that. And its my fault. I don't want to go through that. Yes, unfortunately I am only 20 years old, and turned 20 this February. But i look at my life now and realize i have had what i wanted. I have loved ad been loved. I have met amazing friends. I'm happy with the beauty i have experienced in my short life. But going forward things will only look rough. I'm okay with the decision. It's ok. Please don't try to convince m i'm too young. It is okay. I have experienced what i wanted, my time is now",-0.061461038961041936,2.2341160357142877,2.278658008658009,92.32694805194807,91.0238095238095,5.594227994227995,19.54112554112555,7.106945922332613,0.4883476190476195,939,30,207,16,33,318,136,252,0.156,0.638,0.206,0.9644,0,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,0,6,22,1,3,9,6,31,8,1,1,2,33,61,11,2,5,6,0,3,1,1,4,5,1,0,1,19,7,1,1,11,1,0,6,3,10,0,0,7,9,32,12,22,48,1,31,0,3,3,2,9,11,0,4,14,130,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495741277390536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660564174842004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027120750155272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878105106533834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142296031359303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190477479823349,0.0,0.1277042873562313,0.09021612640547456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846206383784251,0.0975654198986554,0.0,0.06597730869354618,0.0,0.215307485977842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250393671844362,0.11167105308524193,0.13442989538118486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232937112061644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135187853022897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34700734777328823,0.0,0.1424519760078361,0.0,0.0,0.12913224492906672,0.17839389772010114,0.061695170831290114,0.12656807670155268,0.0,0.11175589390121064,0.2120907152287104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279494781087661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251206914816271,0.0,0.0,0.1920868147685756,0.2687466191383545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750965433564226,0.0,0.0,0.13862008356845565,0.1193776260210752,0.0,0.2418871413496073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631651026216434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813237964390224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389637305421288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727249186082006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573741707181358,0.13735891919191087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419615294264722,0.2234537817348536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813216843566546
suicidewatch,faverules,2019/04/06,"I swear to fucking god im about to kill myself I've had the shittiest most fucked up month ever. I had an incident that led to me stabbing someone in self defense, people at school started a rumor that I attacked him for no reason and now everyone thinks I'm a psychopath. My friends have either blocked me or just stopped interacting with me. And I've been called to the office 3 times this week because people reported that they thought I was going to stab someone. I can't fucking learn if I'm not in class most of the time. Speaking of school I've got a 5 page research paper that I have no idea what to do with, 2 tests on Monday, pssa's coming up (giant tests that take weeks to do), and it's just to much. I haven't been able to go to my therapist for 3 weeks, and I just want it to end. I'm fucking sick of this and I'm about to fucking hang myself. It's 12:56 in the morning and everyone is asleep. There is nothing stopping me.",2.8379251700680257,4.074302316326532,4.075387755102042,89.11723129251703,74.3061224489796,6.655238095238096,27.352380952380948,7.03164865440522,1.2176548299319734,738,28,158,7,15,242,112,196,0.173,0.777,0.05,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,0,1,0,8,9,8,0,8,0,13,7,1,2,1,30,31,8,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,11,9,0,4,5,0,0,5,5,8,0,0,7,1,18,1,28,24,5,26,0,0,0,5,8,8,5,4,13,99,29,9,0.1248531399159718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420384710389191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610931524782881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748901527210124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754992478507763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105828235902847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293681303115438,0.0,0.23860505130695495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646122618747532,0.5771235799781121,0.0,0.0,0.14191383331197047,0.0,0.0998564615421938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409439977887099,0.13486281601562694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813150078537187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965658511249297,0.0,0.09178142362463933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979995505717952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731148934826829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128369822094708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527160863719606,0.0,0.0,0.13024905439039314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157532057409975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837169504810932,0.0,0.0,0.20876563104656395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938740230518318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449641184973616,0.0,0.08000085070932278,0.0,0.09911944686221982,0.1456057398547153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364161675575218,0.0,0.300448973445864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VisualFail8,2019/04/06,There's nobody in the world that loves me except my imaginary friends No one to talk to. I don't exist.,-0.2078787878787871,2.08037518181818,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,92.63636363636364,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.265684848484848,82,2,18,1,3,27,21,22,0.08800000000000001,0.64,0.272,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4870102478626204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689194591137874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271444569681983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066549914881008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonely_sad_lost_soul,2019/04/06,"I just want to let go. I hate this back and forth. I want to feel okay. I take my daily antidepressants. Feel good but by the night time they've faded and I'm on the very edge of suicide. The only thing stopping me is a girl across the country. We broke up. Now we're only close friends, hell she might even read this and she's my world. She left me for someone else and it fuckin sucks but I don't blame her, I understand and support her. Anyways, all my friends slowly stop talking to me or just use me for money, one even owes me 460$. I have friends at work but I feel like they're only nice to me because they have to. I have no real world friends that actually wanna spend time with me. They're busy or doing this or that, or I drive them somewhere. Help them move. I don't know I feel like I tool. I just want to feel happy. I want to feel again. I drown myself in work and unfinishable projects so I have goals but they fall apart. The pills make me numb but without them I wouldn't be here. I'm a screw up. I can't spell to save my life. I can't speak sometimes it all just falls apart. I just wanna fucking die. I just want to die. How hard does it have to fucking be. Fuck it's gotten so bad I feel disappointed when someone dies and wish it was me. I want to cut, do drugs, drink but I cant. I can't hide the scars. I can't buy weed. Drinking will make it worse. Fuck fuck fuck fuck can't I just get mugged and shot or something... fuck!!!",-0.7683302611367147,1.3770276354838735,0.7634101382488474,102.73559139784949,93.61290322580645,3.597542242703533,15.76804915514593,5.1001847267431195,-1.1418079877112133,1117,26,275,5,42,354,155,310,0.278,0.5720000000000001,0.149,-0.996,1,0,4,0,0,2,44.0,1,0,5,3,18,30,14,0,8,1,23,16,0,4,2,60,60,23,5,10,19,0,8,2,4,3,4,1,0,1,12,11,2,2,9,3,4,5,11,18,0,1,2,9,53,12,25,52,2,27,1,2,0,10,19,12,12,6,12,162,65,5,0.0,0.0,0.07858134558466921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061919196894629235,0.06723549185912167,0.04908764332009422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071850158391884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704684736383374,0.0,0.0,0.15776881486647473,0.09338410222422207,0.0,0.06726878538618174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637276612366116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28501305292743656,0.11505497423517418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24885543904271554,0.5955567746909058,0.04207128954819239,0.0,0.04576454018224819,0.067541032090924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572097232375084,0.07213509867589436,0.07950233439369447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397459574874018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442547502849214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749127322904669,0.08234285656684097,0.05687759529169116,0.07868145722113389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750289367077503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542491009189497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558594282603395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556779751097929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456621387332102,0.1837299860181152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054736671119428,0.09165573403676096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645811735209745,0.06199252202569781,0.07964185305170167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346459733731537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808190959974566,0.0913794686324068,0.0,0.0,0.06054521112935748,0.06472340720924694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349761414491008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391022110858616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382996382305234,0.0,0.06954824251328112,0.0,0.06644203298166138,0.28497642411186136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260043759059604,0.07762378107254203,0.0,0.11724715581501527,0.0,0.08206244077084307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scoutydouty,2019/04/06,"I am alone with the means near me. I am at a loss. I am exhausted. I don't know what to do. It's all too much. Sexual trauma, being transgender in a world that hates me for it, years of ineffective therapies, involuntary admissions, and medications. My friends slowly growing distant as adulthood consumes us and our minimum wage shittu jobs keep us away from happiness to be a cog in the giant corporate machine of modern society.

I've attempted several times before and lived (obviously) so that's one thing against me tipping over the edge. The fear of failure. The fear of waking up in that hard scratchy bleach scented bed, a security guard at my door and all my rights and possessions stripped from me. The fear of surviving with brain damage. The fear of succeeding and traumatizing whoever is unfortunate enough to discover me dead. 

But what's more frightening is my pain of existence is beginning to override these fears again. I've barely left my bed the last 3 days. I felt myself slipping and took medical leave from work with the intention of checking myself into some sort of outpatient program but have since given up. Now I lay in bed with no strength to go on. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do. I was kicked out after I came out as trans so I have no familial support. I am only 20 and i am so alone and lost and sad. I have been through so much traumatic pain and suffering that I cannot see any good in this world which could make living a desirable option.

I don't know what to do, I'm trying so hard to be an adult but I feel just as lost and apathetic as I did as a freshman. Depression, PTSD, substance problems, gender dysphoria, it's all piling up and roaring at me in my head to just. Do it already. All therapies have been ineffective. My depression is treatment resistant (I theorize this is because most of my depression stems from situational things such as trauma and stuff and no therapy or med can delete those experiences from my head and I can't move on or get closure for these childhood traumas.)

I've only told 3 people this in my entire life but when I was 14 years old I was gang raped by 3 middle aged men. Even now it is harrowing to admit that. I shut it out of my mind and effectively repressed it for a while but that only takes you so far. It's almost the 1 year anniversary of my family kicking me out. My friends and boyfriend's family would be better off without my miserable ass sucking the joy from their life. I want to cry and nothing will come out. I feel so numb and disconnected from everything and I just want it all to stop. No hotline helps they just repeat what I say and sound so scripted... 
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suicidewatch,xFadedDreams,2019/04/06,"Suicidal thoughts never leave. So I've had mental health issues for the majority of my life it seems, I can't remember the last time suicide want on my mind.... Whether at the front being an all consuming thought or background noise like radiation that slowly eats away.

On top of the anxiety and depression I also developed fibromyalgia and it seems now I have some other form of chronic illness where I can't stop vomiting. 

I've sought help numerous times in my life, the last time I was bounced between my GP and the mental health services because I was too suicidal for low maintenance CBT but not bad enough for clinical intervention. Eventually neither party responded and no one got back to me.

I dropped out of uni, twice. 
I had a sense of normalcy from my job as a Care Assistant but I've been on sick leave for about 3 months now. I don't know if it was stress/pressure from the job that has caused my current undiagnosed vomiting issue.

So now I do nothing, there's no respite from the ticking clock. For a while now it seems that I've just been quietly waiting for death but today the suicidal craving decided to creep back in.

I'm just so tired of being here. 

Sorry for the pity party I've got going on here.

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suicidewatch,Suuise,2019/04/06,"Im scared and confused I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past 10 years. I have so little faith in myself that I don't believe I can even kill myself properly; the chance I might fail scares me. 

I've tried anti depressants and therapy which did not help much. I lost anyone close to me that supported me in the past.

I don't feel like the payoff of trying to improve my life is worth it in the end, but I also don't know if I can push myself to finally end everything with the risk of failing. I'm sick of being a burden to people and being pitied. But this guilt that I feel for being as selfish as I am is slowly disappearing.

I decided to post here because I wish I cared more about myself but I just can't. I'm scared because things are only getting worse. Even in moments where I should be happy I feel uneasy. When my mind is most clear and I am almost content with myself I still arrive at the conclusion that I should have committed suicide a long time ago or I should still attempt to.

My cognitive abilities seem to slip away from me more every year and its hard to really string my thoughts together, remember things, or even format this. I hope what I have typed out makes sense.

I don't believe I deserve any pity or advice, nor did I post this to receive any. But I would like to thank you if you read through this jumble of text I regurgitated. 

If you're reading this, I hope you have a nice day",3.7601636904761904,4.9282935381944455,4.836349206349208,84.81500000000003,71.9513888888889,7.846825396825397,25.86706349206349,8.269060116576782,1.5476813492063493,1121,35,228,17,21,368,161,288,0.21600000000000005,0.638,0.146,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,3,0,5,13,25,1,6,10,0,30,2,0,1,2,46,48,21,3,10,12,0,4,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,10,2,1,3,7,15,0,0,6,4,44,10,30,33,4,30,1,6,0,0,5,10,0,13,17,161,59,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271257582527014,0.09317394545806848,0.0,0.10525278964201767,0.0,0.0,0.0840566747992555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295722674554087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349557082392683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987545937595152,0.0,0.0,0.12814853550374633,0.0,0.0,0.2368466445668278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716696356122064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778745267130938,0.0,0.09053135368666228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861930678106893,0.0,0.0,0.20827310002448604,0.0,0.08855996729881782,0.0,0.09446636667956693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594407887974739,0.07509082456105239,0.0,0.11514320393256652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491579731378084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189187667468528,0.09415818960237213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045322337542717,0.0,0.0,0.20879650378504908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135371689394276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628898167681888,0.0,0.057765876038452624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424251855070531,0.10270317367284867,0.10534814141664788,0.0,0.09301931436163004,0.0,0.0,0.11474031697726055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701619463399936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150542563666237,0.10613144682635138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726817003705735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994112517894135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006793636579301,0.07287025248307473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133323850574492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102775033507749,0.0,0.06733635438105308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906948817896044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157012628464753,0.0,0.0,0.09568847612931697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678824544260318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299472322591656,0.11927793114850825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677144897748567,0.12020279688992246,0.0,0.1396612353318732,0.0,0.0,0.16689168617500116,0.061290665480837885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272599811526931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087166608162772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071163829975682,0.07466734656764024,0.0,0.0,0.13537518349190106
suicidewatch,Wtfamidoing223,2019/04/06,Just need someone to talk to New to reddit and this seemed like a safe place to find people to talk to about life. Someone please just message me,4.66,5.678097931034486,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,69.6896551724138,5.8000000000000025,24.84482758620689,3.1291,0.18491724137930987,116,3,24,0,2,34,21,29,0.0,0.765,0.235,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625644962388439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291109922610734,0.1403482416193541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130110569355817,0.0,0.2774523556713812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916057969027776,0.0,0.3001416324829429,0.3153421040872389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26152471998118104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868150006736328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618021431860983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,carneasuhdude,2019/04/06,"Like the proverbial cheese, I stand alone. Long story short, my relationship of almost 4 years is going down the tubes. My job I work is very dead-end. I'm 32. I'm really feeling like the walls are closing in on me very fast. I've thought about suicide more and more as I am aging older and it seems like the plan I have thought out is gonna become a reality. Maybe not tonight, but very soon. It is definitely on the horizon, and the sun is setting quickly. Talking about it doesn't help. Nobody cares to listen, and truthfully I don't blame them. As I'm writing this I realize I look like a idiot crying about his problems to a subreddit. But, this idiot will have the last laugh..",2.2322964626614272,4.353105817518252,3.5929927007299263,88.07276810780462,78.4160583941606,6.259180235822573,24.40707467714767,7.321109707123232,1.0727971925884328,535,19,109,7,13,175,90,137,0.18,0.682,0.13699999999999998,-0.8559,1,1,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,2,5,10,2,0,10,0,12,0,0,0,1,18,24,8,1,1,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,3,12,7,13,20,2,20,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,2,13,63,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811015981358061,0.18731272646197325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974172675357507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843951921303841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866230492936868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018512315450847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914464492499904,0.12920387554187146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278488163148852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212242581931076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947210824472795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742213566887089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534292810486612,0.0,0.0,0.16005225653100522,0.1518738581771668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816946008660743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305518610158566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158612653643099,0.0,0.0,0.1941721309265752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464490878711344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782758913411147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536555425437395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871596200411428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476765068443456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166564095349134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646561654896055
suicidewatch,KheyheyK,2019/04/07,"What’s the point? What’s the point of getting out of bed on Monday if I’m going to be miserable throughout the week?
What’s the point of putting effort into something when nothing comes out of it?
What’s the point of life?
So many questions I ask everyday ",2.338269230769228,4.5344470576923115,3.216000000000001,90.529,78.42307692307693,5.6984615384615385,25.784615384615392,6.742157984588678,1.025226153846154,205,8,41,2,5,65,33,52,0.085,0.915,0.0,-0.6322,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,15,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,2,4,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19726581946229824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817663882526091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024399001853914,0.0,0.11992181759191108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904256833946086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393097047950052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024697384687501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7978904306408408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212328158578492,0.23637943644898105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16244576890367118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925945436221576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elizataylor24,2019/04/07,"I’m going to kill myself I’m not really sure how these things work. 

I think I’m going to kill myself. And just thought I should like let someone know. Sounds like a giant troll, I know, but I’m being serious. I’ve been reviewing the least painful ways for a few months now and I’ve lowered my limits down to carbon monoxide poisoning or bleeding out. The details are a bit foggy, but I just wanted to let someone know. ",2.2237941176470604,4.311342364705887,3.6855147058823534,87.56356617647059,78.29411764705883,6.132352941176473,23.56617647058824,7.1686216300943375,0.9899705882352944,331,11,65,4,8,109,55,85,0.184,0.7390000000000001,0.077,-0.8434,1,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,3,0,5,0,6,3,0,1,1,19,18,6,2,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,2,1,7,3,7,12,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,39,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208705456586209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312218572819744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450118517911194,0.0,0.3353906380468357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416031017758887,0.0,0.19876603807088733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237163187209966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21645819280228185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031905344126174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344722127762058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917253452976842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514631255421986,0.13034631546089925,0.0,0.16149646628079106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998514170271593,0.1614690354637578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809558350535298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,boobeebeeboop,2019/04/07,"I’m so tired and there is so solution. I’m so sick of living. I’m only 19 yet I feel like i’ve dealt with so many horrible things, that my soul can’t take it anymore. I really am just... sick of being the person I am. I’m sick of the family that I have as well as the people I know. I really should have never been born. 

I hate that I am me. I hate that I cant expand myself and try new things and figure out what the fuck I’m doing. I really hate myself. I used to be this kind, nice person, who did everything for everyone. I stopped doing that and isolated myself for months, basically after my last relationship ended. He used me so much, in every way you can imagine. I numbed myself with weed to forget my thought processes about the breakup. It worked too, now I’m just this shell who doesn’t give a shit about anything. 

I miss being soooo naive and not knowing how shitty life is. I miss when I was 10 and I expected my older self to just figure it out. I really believed that everything would work out and doing the bare minimum would be enough.

I live with my grandma because my parents can’t figure out how to treat me nicely, because they’re stupid narcissists who only love my brother. My grandpa is dead so my grandma is alone and has no one to help her. I am not fit to be a caretaker. I’m so fucking lazy and I barely got diagnosed with adhd and my medication is so stupid, I feel like my body absorbs it too fast. She doesn’t want to live either. She’s sick of life too. 

I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 years and I don’t know what the fuck i’ve accomplished with that. I just complain about how my family treats me like shit. My therapist is probably so done with my bi-weekly sob story. 

Why cant i just be functional and smart and productive? I have all these dreams that i’ll be some famous person and everything will be easy, I’ll have all these smart things to say and I’ll have everything i’ve ever wanted. it’s just stupid. why do i think like this? why cant i just do my homework and not wake up at 3pm everyday? I’m late to everything. Why is browsing the internet the only thing that makes me happy? I’m wasting my time and money at community college. I don’t even know what the fuck i’m going to major in and it’s been 2 1/2 years. what is the point. 

i just want to die. My family thinks i’m so dramatic and sensitive. Nothing is ever a valid reason for my depression or any of my problems. 

My car turns off when I’m driving and my dad just calls me dramatic when i call him for help, sorry for being scared that I’ll get in a fucking accident? Aren’t fathers supposed to have some sort of concern for their daughters when their life is in danger? All he cares about is going to concerts and feeding his ego. My step mom only loves my brother because that’s her son. My mom left me, months old, so she could drink and drug again. Nobody gives a shit. 

Why was my grandpa the only one who ever loved me? Why did he have to die? Life is so fucking cruel. The only things that make me happy are various youtubers and fucking anime/manga. Or singing to songs in the car. Wasting money on food. I’m such a joke. I really wish I could fall asleep tonight and never wake up. life is too long and i’ll never be able to have some sort of full time job because i’m so lazy, I’ll be late everyday. My town is so expensive. I’ll never be able to survive by myself. I’m going to have to rely on my shitty emotionless family forever.

Why did I have to be born? Like seriously. My parents weren’t even together. I wasn’t born out of love, it was a fucking HOOK UP. LIKE THANKS. How are you going to bring someone into this world, without a plan, and then treat them like shit for existing? The only people that would truly be sad if I died would be my little cousins and my little brother. Because they’re sweet and young, they haven’t realized I’m just a trash ass person with no goals or skills. 

My distant family? How and why would they give a shit? They don’t talk to me, they never try to reach out. My “friends” only care about how they don’t have boyfriends and how they’re “ugly” and aren’t appealing to anyone. They don’t give a shit that I sit in my house everyday doing nothing, going to school, doing nothing all over again. I’m too boring for them because I don’t see the point in dating at a young age or obsessing over physical appearances. 

All i have is my stupid imagination and the occasional vivid dream to make me happy. I really wish I could live in my dreams. Or just cease to exist. If you read this, I’m sorry it doesn’t make sense. I just can’t stand typing in my notes app, maybe someone will reply and give me some advice or something. I don’t even know anymore. I’m so jealous of all the shitty people i went to school with who are in amazing colleges, cultivating their futures and having the times of their life. i just want to jump off of a building. I have never found my place and I never will. I’m such a loser, thanks for reading. ",1.3764030230469937,3.5070383433852186,3.267529182879379,89.24160954803953,81.42217898832685,6.288476504040706,20.974109548039507,7.468242284971852,0.7465695600119715,3899,114,817,60,104,1307,364,1028,0.154,0.715,0.131,-0.9777,6,1,3,0,0,2,111.0,0,3,12,8,63,68,24,2,33,0,103,41,11,14,16,150,185,72,4,19,26,14,2,7,1,9,15,3,1,5,43,50,3,1,18,10,3,14,34,37,1,2,16,8,124,31,98,142,16,106,1,6,2,13,67,40,16,16,56,532,167,13,0.08015187310570096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816348780176293,0.03916174137798599,0.0,0.0,0.040130261500638566,0.04150658399866645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02725301111836005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948912067007399,0.028022026649690487,0.0,0.032979081091901674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657951370733732,0.0,0.0,0.045151856850268436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451533103703533,0.0,0.0,0.08184402395756675,0.0,0.08172017647358096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599212298644316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03451734542912503,0.04067623200930606,0.12477748490239456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04101159716154465,0.0,0.03925916075340189,0.046475363133527584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03549538461765495,0.041409155432206704,0.0,0.07940933438399511,0.10875293700816298,0.033765705006746964,0.03829427479277957,0.18008833831197826,0.0,0.18890013157506086,0.0,0.040527195336565375,0.057260514161814276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484599815566834,0.0439411958989834,0.030962569168073373,0.2963964605445763,0.02093802277558184,0.19222245050200415,0.11388039146652605,0.0,0.032052387467791495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798473900856444,0.0,0.11870007119750525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053724111013778095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046242250083750505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976918321024946,0.0,0.0,0.04173292086852284,0.11012343326580816,0.03266723715457219,0.09041480403308633,0.0,0.043542622325279834,0.0,0.16984091504115886,0.13705354800183406,0.08033323350450418,0.14155114480544398,0.035465942733095245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468038963190416,0.0,0.10700399537510026,0.040630709497622965,0.040261664839323696,0.0,0.0,0.04037228987463549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938729050626556,0.06397646041949644,0.0,0.029460424562704982,0.0,0.21636323010875208,0.03870558925171028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153618259293378,0.0,0.042052953914064536,0.0,0.05431298356320309,0.2438364451144595,0.0,0.0,0.08899916974920632,0.0,0.0,0.08335082512423815,0.13997104798806242,0.04187082396943896,0.0,0.0757694274597977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320863782250815,0.03834725890762442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017356334087411,0.0,0.15404202695256156,0.041204737414137764,0.0,0.043026557857189215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03186999327713834,0.040123003793061336,0.08111797468724913,0.03193533278362504,0.0,0.04180794206161905,0.0,0.2468242377889076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791242197980107,0.030852413891496438,0.0,0.0897234598113297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03350527743983316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030132116775901517,0.0322115197516853,0.0,0.07379307601196153,0.04583032610068749,0.046531251190399366,0.13312335745286702,0.0513580838953453,0.0,0.031815817097410465,0.07010580265833521,0.046061393659076265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054417860531640425,0.04359111087462203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692254837625882,0.0,0.0,0.09455130284233457,0.03181041305435205,0.032146498959468535,0.0,0.03603307988750762,0.0371507946881197,0.2892983946061509,0.0,0.09217069845599964,0.03863177272381695,0.0,0.05835151822515172,0.0,0.0,0.14234397746176308,0.0,0.0,0.05161517839768657
suicidewatch,AnonymousRakoon,2019/04/07,"Do you ever think it’s just a matter of time before you end it? I’ve had suicidal thoughts occasionally since high school. I usually suppress a lot of my negative feelings and pretend I’m fine for awhile until it all bubbles over into a breakdown. Well after getting to college and failing a class first semester sophomore year, and I’m bound to fail more this semester, my breakdowns and anxiety have hit a new level. Each time feels like it’s getting worse and worse. I’ve started making more and more detailed plans about how to end it. It all just feels like a matter of time. Like it’s inevitable, that this is the way my life was supposed to go. I’m not supposed to graduate or be successful, I’m supposed to kill myself. Idk why I am writing this, I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else feels like this. ",3.7485809842331577,5.512169037267082,4.7045962732919255,83.39132345914955,72.91304347826087,7.1898709985666525,29.775919732441483,7.882392219407189,2.0551486860965125,649,28,122,9,13,211,97,161,0.175,0.71,0.115,-0.926,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,5,7,10,1,0,7,0,7,1,0,2,3,33,26,10,2,2,6,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,2,6,1,0,1,2,3,1,1,3,5,10,7,16,21,7,19,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,4,17,76,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142660033388295,0.0,0.0,0.1044414800265652,0.15304502307820125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271010465926662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477767977492912,0.0,0.2645911767856381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351117799860467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020995101596873,0.32012528506078103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270522246070913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560770828498125,0.0,0.08488919648429481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454553662978424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781534395553273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525340535425975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550293618253027,0.2918943642880213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698721232288854,0.0,0.0,0.0997042057792655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442604090448107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116824773249096,0.11902684494447613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355863653468953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057233394308764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338419442101307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957088928722722,0.0,0.11858139553745475,0.2612927993974237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450759421627625,0.0,0.08810103325808588,0.11856125401585095,0.0,0.0,0.13429964364866245,0.0,0.1347812601123437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044372184593285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618800401342714
suicidewatch,pcpsubliminal,2019/04/07,"I am actually awful Okay title looks clickbaity but I’m really fucking horrible. I have no friends, I cause my family worry and pain I have literally made my boyfriend hate me and despise me and blame me for making everything shit. I constantly feel a deep guilt and shame for my feelings and I guess actions because they’ve obviously caused grief. The worst thing is I have actually genuinely tried even against all my gut feelings to be nicer and calmer and friendlier and more ‘normal’ for an easier life on me and everyone around me. I don’t even cry anymore. I used to feel a LOT. Now I barely have feelings at all. I almost died 2 years ago in an accident. I dream of that time I was in hospital and helpless and didn’t care and I am fucking annoyed with myself for trying to get better. I’ll never get better because the problem isn’t not walking again or being out of physical harm and pain, the problem is my fucked up brain. It is not normal. I am not normal. ",2.407894736842106,4.913615315789475,4.013947368421054,83.20513157894737,80.05263157894737,6.957894736842108,26.342105263157894,8.07648339933343,1.9643473684210528,770,32,143,15,20,256,117,190,0.361,0.506,0.133,-0.9966,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,22,7,2,7,2,16,9,3,5,4,43,34,15,2,5,5,0,5,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,16,0,0,5,1,0,2,8,17,0,0,3,6,26,5,18,29,5,17,0,2,1,3,1,8,4,4,7,99,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.2312392231474413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502557345598322,0.0,0.11864083393323373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175005496135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547252220899894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444889462024926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095722669884444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226311823951548,0.0,0.0,0.12079848876442525,0.2434236621244049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803503562254828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014496708220205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296377107398952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651014639331093,0.0,0.0,0.11321293523620532,0.10648238929937416,0.0,0.11169261451140143,0.0,0.29953581610903945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153753026895182,0.32859918493156137,0.12380205810363545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051932874819805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697469613699668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368608893044444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949355153279713,0.0,0.0,0.10072765297353084,0.0,0.11210885648901543,0.07908647222051972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913792559270017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34825640318961143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521426321908817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22673915423061924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590146793223511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216182514607038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871299888713053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908677375394336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088059516466124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232887621345683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032242272618825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629738232102876
suicidewatch,Harmless_bug,2019/04/07,"I'm just so tired. Can't hold down a job. What else can I do but die? I cannot function. I've tried so hard, but I just can't. I am just tired all the time. I've tried psychologists, psychiatrists, medications. Nothing works. Everyday is painful. I cannot hold a job. I only last so long before I have a nervous breakdown and get let go. I have no money, no support network, nothing. No where to live. Nothing gives me joy. Nothing life has to offer me is worth working towards. The pain is starting to outweight the fear of death. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.",0.002452642073777156,2.359782355932208,1.8170588235294112,94.39818045862415,94.08474576271186,4.1324027916251245,22.195413758723827,5.900188976854957,0.259632502492523,450,18,96,4,17,147,74,118,0.326,0.589,0.085,-0.9888,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,2,6,0,15,8,2,0,2,14,22,7,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,8,4,0,0,0,1,12,2,7,20,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,58,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208592548578498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455242592604682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489035053276052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985423349118295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144829530906432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495931629858181,0.13763346827258202,0.08153965993485197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852464794742902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847518903905193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695057306586172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671202847852302,0.1013400278802671,0.0,0.0,0.12669029389288616,0.1269700987362499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453510146813456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065610141032116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5506692261126594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911854840809243,0.30533320056653024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155173451271243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281275344713597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836609246275257,0.3298048352942668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481904588624616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498817995082848,0.0,0.0,0.2089017648907425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bisexual_losers_alt,2019/04/07,"i haven't gone a day without thinking about suicide I created this alt account so I could have a little bit of privacy.

For the last six years (currently M16) I've had suicidal thoughts nearly every single day. Idk what it is really. I guess it all started from just being depressed, having a feeling of worthlessness, self loathing. You know, the usual. I had a therapist back then, but I was too scared to tell them about my suicidal issues, in fear they would tell my parents and make my life super controlled and horrible.

​

In 2016, my father passed away. It was from heart complications mostly due to alcohol, and likewise I blame myself for not doing anything about it and letting it happen. It wasn't sudden either, I had a strong feeling it was going to happen the months prior. Me blaming myself would only further the suicidal thoughts. I got another therapist, but I didn't tell them about the thoughts. A while later I even got another one, whom I failed to tell again.

​

I wanted to die, but I understood that my friends and the rest of my family would be devastated, and I kept on going for them.

​

Not that long ago I fully came to terms with my sexuality. I'm bi (username checks out), but heavily guy leaning. The problem is I have a bit of an internalized homophobia issues, and I hate myself for something I can't control. I understand that its absurd, but I can't help it. 

I thought perhaps if I came out to some friends it would settle it a bit, but it didn't. My friends accepted me and it was overall nice, but I still had self loathing about it.  
I only told my close friends, and told them to keep it quiet. I go to an all guys, catholic school, so the general public knowing might spell harm for me. 

One of my friends broke that trust though and told someone else, who then told his friend group. As far as I know that's as far as the news got. One of the guys in the other group did something though. He came up to me later and told me that he was bi as well, and at first I was happy because I thought I would finally have someone to relate my shitty experience to, we were already friends (just not close friends).

​

But he had something different in mind, and now I'm a victim of sexual harassment! hurrah!

​

In all seriousness, I feel real tilted about it. A person who I thought was my friend was this sick and depraved individual. I was disgusted that someone thought I was gullible enough to do something with him (it was harassment, not rape. he touched me INCREDIBLY CLOSE to my stuff, and said some gross shit, but that's as far as it got). I'm not scarred mentally or anything, but it makes me feel like that's how the world and others view me. As a stupid, gullible, horny ass bitch.

​

Soon after this I got ANOTHER therapist, who I'm currently seeing but still haven't told about my thoughts of suicide.

​

That one guy also tried to convince me to cheat on my boyfriend. We started dating a few months ago, and at this point he's one of the only people keeping me going. But today we got into an argument. Not one over something that doesn't matter in the long run, but one that could seriously damage our relationship, and it probably has already.

​

It's all built up to this. Today the thoughts are the worse they've ever been. At this point I don't care about others devastation in my death. I just want to get this shitty life over with.

​

TL;DR, I'm a gay ass teen who wants to die lol",4.943650000000002,6.241799751111113,5.3480046296296315,81.76689583333334,69.26666666666667,8.232407407407408,30.803240740740733,8.59863814320734,2.3703685185185197,2772,113,524,44,48,884,285,675,0.232,0.6559999999999999,0.112,-0.9987,4,0,6,0,0,2,123.0,4,1,5,6,27,41,10,2,32,1,49,12,4,5,5,113,111,50,8,12,26,2,5,1,9,6,4,2,0,7,50,33,1,5,20,0,2,10,16,22,1,9,50,9,78,19,77,50,16,79,0,5,2,6,56,32,4,7,38,368,128,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347931642256142,0.03826548312302161,0.0,0.0,0.07902512384503667,0.028633864492792187,0.0,0.34915987005318183,0.3915714103956332,0.0,0.11263642785345793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893020222494522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033640703281492934,0.027532430010223933,0.0,0.021826867463692137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727189462286293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285679990069365,0.0365063728733553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031844022686144,0.05717599391595336,0.0,0.0,0.046183524121966066,0.0,0.03083946063776354,0.0,0.07432148071810889,0.037409412908870114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0299111296399658,0.0,0.0,0.03699693597865824,0.0,0.02364937600270822,0.03238837245843053,0.03016790884455635,0.0,0.0,0.03502491751397225,0.03375449704925418,0.04029145029321102,0.0724179006121586,0.02557965206532592,0.0,0.039223475191529314,0.0,0.03045637303180828,0.0,0.0,0.2489710692142095,0.0,0.018707039060869072,0.0,0.08139698592422277,0.0,0.17182289009256949,0.0,0.0394440967862917,0.14181338235122087,0.06332585530995903,0.03811591217709614,0.0,0.035350788884887366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243001453067781,0.0239998555264081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747438507466121,0.0,0.06365163412816455,0.0,0.0,0.05903375088567505,0.029186484703509617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03661382978087529,0.05058135408904695,0.01749289253322984,0.035886792013791635,0.0,0.06337396641026642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780126429811443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03608379853526096,0.03798426782306627,0.03615362461229124,0.0,0.05715965432225041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984043363202952,0.08169571368038764,0.0,0.0,0.03975807464554289,0.0,0.0,0.02482321529062432,0.0312642207214179,0.0,0.0,0.06769605966629927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038604680307027836,0.03426128999624487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075480963839349,0.022938095652610617,0.0,0.0,0.038442001287144686,0.0,0.0,0.0340594904676643,0.0,0.03584782609328013,0.03623735481801694,0.02853256605021172,0.0,0.07470646236122694,0.0,0.036754112418478035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101434822508388,0.13782517049876622,0.0,0.0,0.050687022188441684,0.0,0.0571890746598381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040989044718171656,0.19582852595365444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518329854813506,0.0,0.0,0.12471978986263985,0.0,0.022942894174374045,0.07035798222312603,0.2558320647639881,0.0,0.0,0.06787937409364155,0.2052837086006869,0.0,0.024309770160378337,0.0,0.0,0.03727507344201339,0.0,0.0,0.03943500140600142,0.0,0.06335751951673221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032193690883034635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034515488357280084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036489142629486486,0.1271769724867286,0.0,0.3915714103956332,0.023057744486392088
suicidewatch,The_Street_Wizard,2019/04/07,"Fighting against my suicidal ideation so freaking hard. Would like advice in Oklahoma. First of all, I'm from central Oklahoma. So, people in this area would be a great help. Also, it's probably good to note that I've attempted suicide once but the local ER and ICU saved me. I was weak.

I just saw my psychiatrist last Thursday about my anxiety. The inside of me feels like I am sitting in a racecar on idle. My thought jet from ideation to the plans back to just ideation. My psychiatrist, in so many words, basically said that he stopped caring for my health and that he's prescribing me according to new ""standards and practices"" of the clinic. He actually used that god damn phrase 5 times and I called him on his shit. His answer was that if I feel that bad I should check my self in inpatient for help.

My biggest question is what places can you really trust to go in the OKC area? I will not go to any place local in Norman because they are hell holes. I feel like I am at a point that I should go in, be reassessed by a new doctor, treated with different meds and be in a place where they watch you so if anything were to happen, they are right there to help.

I don't know what else to say, but personal experience would be a big plus in this instance. Thank you, guys.",3.94812656641604,5.371149305555559,4.519933166248958,86.28003759398499,71.8174603174603,8.003675856307437,28.34252297410192,8.532816995589336,1.917679365079365,1003,38,207,17,19,319,150,252,0.136,0.721,0.14300000000000002,0.2509,1,0,0,0,2,1,29.0,0,3,3,3,11,17,4,0,11,0,20,5,1,1,1,32,35,15,2,7,7,0,4,3,0,6,4,2,0,3,12,7,0,1,7,0,1,3,2,7,1,1,6,8,31,10,34,19,1,37,1,0,2,0,23,25,3,3,11,130,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.1154338241651509,0.0,0.0,0.1155914664577947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459634545764584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044115020719313,0.0,0.09049140683651408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973424626103665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095758838948212,0.09876707871540268,0.0721083909359638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078715625475275,0.0,0.12060437949627245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358771020188318,0.0,0.12107466763704056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881598598620464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571016540960745,0.0,0.0,0.17943269791656066,0.16901257628477362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061728082247144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168053289586046,0.09921590886880402,0.0,0.13041497053785386,0.0,0.11712554299813585,0.1046033183332572,0.0,0.1059644656722895,0.0,0.0,0.12573657262012186,0.0,0.0,0.23786156683962575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500900467984501,0.09642201074194803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337132808707256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992733542464395,0.0,0.0,0.13139335007501968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22849013676563626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597482322759646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200728370396906,0.10328612907181303,0.3707631306056495,0.0,0.11182213717478894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753645864060167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325116971094266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577950300914091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101888039551768,0.11252072968360932,0.09406883170356953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234021052802733,0.0,0.12142282492824863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889560619800908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587797800920173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089053955533376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390892298037502,0.06897575926005703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102164445486915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520891336893863,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,farewellthrow,2019/04/07,"I don't think I have anything to look forward to. I will never understand how I got to the point I'm at. For the past 7 years I have been a complete and total wreck with depression, anxiety, insomnia, and suicidal thoughts, every year just getting worse and worse. For the past two months I've woken up and have tried my hardest to think about the best things that have happened in my life instead of the bad things that have happened and it helped, immensely. For the first time ever, someone has come in to my life that I want to be there. Every tough time, she would be there. Every exciting moment, she would be there. Everytime I need or want someone to talk to, she would be there. However, this doesn't seem to be the case. I am slowly losing her. I am losing her and there is nothing I can do about it. Everyday I feel I'm losing her, my chest hurts, my heart aches, and my stomach drops. I can't see my life without her in the future, whatever that intales. Now I'm questioning my entire existence. Why am I here? Why should I wake up everyday? What should I look forward to if I can't even find a person that I want in my life that will stay? Why think about a future? Why not just end it? Why is my life like this? Why am I like this? People around me say ""we love you,"" ""you're doing great,"" and ""you're a great guy,"" yet every compliment seems empty as if they are just telling me this to just make me feel better with no intentions of trying to. When will my life get better? When will I finally be happy? Or perhaps I am here to give people my happiness? If that's the case, maybe I should just end it all. I have no happiness to spread to anyone, so I guess I've fulfilled my purpose. All good things come to an end. Actually, all things come to an end. I'm no longer good for anyone. Just a lifeless, worthless, living corpse wasting resources for the people who are happy on this planet.",2.7180042428198448,4.402190691906004,3.773896050913837,89.32327227480421,75.50130548302872,6.876272845953003,23.457000652741513,7.6454224807358475,0.9799086814621414,1477,44,310,20,32,477,174,383,0.135,0.725,0.14,0.7117,1,1,0,0,0,0,59.0,1,1,1,7,26,24,0,0,17,0,40,12,4,3,6,59,73,18,1,13,13,0,2,2,0,10,7,1,0,2,22,15,0,0,11,0,0,5,10,8,0,2,4,6,49,16,40,53,5,41,0,6,3,1,20,12,0,9,28,215,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.06810327797337458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533878304609557,0.0,0.0,0.09759515281575916,0.0,0.05742979441001651,0.062126350372422624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058270284858187214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323847681556846,0.12344409533951707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034922826034108,0.07317166636861372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010852898084393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24724674837552796,0.0,0.0,0.04609448976863658,0.06312747967375351,0.2351984873372256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057408572748441,0.0,0.0,0.07644963130102361,0.06378520840131735,0.05936186117315319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292297441538996,0.06694726140220128,0.0,0.11707016846996315,0.05581604949803989,0.15388361348441354,0.07687964010300427,0.06910135283374425,0.1234270616417448,0.2971636162693193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826994281135985,0.04677760186501709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470977933527426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957610858241287,0.06819004068475087,0.0,0.06162431513802349,0.0,0.11720912921898174,0.23422564670164364,0.0,0.0,0.06298663240924626,0.0,0.0465842077157767,0.0,0.0701116907376518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055704326004924115,0.0,0.0,0.051747113006708534,0.05382501102270802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696372090562243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332415881909777,0.14514718398159626,0.06093641971791409,0.0,0.0,0.06597246644706202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781788267713941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549842812946378,0.0,0.0,0.05561221039082899,0.1270652278206069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826273816780153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438500313099568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633703303583335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609316256624668,0.0609980182296396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854568847054178,0.13415250372726428,0.0,0.05540408569296526,0.0813881951895064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476329961578236,0.0,0.06817299268348594,0.07265204338589339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348877766566743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778383169412857,0.0,0.0,0.06727339549094025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224040510908845,0.14872673992982427,0.0,0.0,0.08988270702737572
suicidewatch,lukakariauli1,2019/04/07,"I don't want to watch my parents die It's 6:46 am and i literally cannot stop crying,thoughts of my parents leaving my side is tormenting me and i when the time comes i don't think i can cope with it.

My name is luke and i am 19 years old i was born in georgia not that it matters... i was just scrolling through youtube videos and my mind just went dark and i suddently started to think about death and no not my personal death but the ones i love,i don't think my parents know how much i love them,i cannot say it to them personally (i don't know why) i want to hug them and tell them that i love them but my pride is not letting me i am always rough on the outside but to be honest i am one of the softest guys out there.

I just wanted to let the world know that i don't want them to leave me i want them to be by my side i know that it's impossible but when it comes to that i hope that i die first,but i cannot do that if i kill myself i cannot let my momma shed a tear and i don't want my sister to be looking at my corpse i want to die before their time comes,cause i love each and every one of my family members and i don't want to get on with my life without them.

Sorry for the mistakes in my text if there are some,i am writing what's coming from my heart.",1.27412100095027,2.131645219512194,3.065671523598353,96.31860231232183,77.6411149825784,6.19379157427938,21.75625593918277,6.351523495107088,0.013935191637629796,986,25,254,7,22,330,123,287,0.153,0.7240000000000001,0.122,-0.2919,3,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,8,1,9,9,1,0,7,0,30,6,1,1,0,53,56,19,6,12,13,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,14,17,0,1,7,1,0,4,16,2,0,3,3,4,57,7,29,47,2,22,0,0,2,4,23,9,0,3,9,170,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767397930985935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943325981733085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589530170804972,0.0,0.24123610737045706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906450709859135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865069356264169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800128034930177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940274795634361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877108334627822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924303449060594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061920426456562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271677902012992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327701490351868,0.0,0.20520902856017795,0.0,0.0,0.19768656413862135,0.0,0.2863675226302576,0.06593527249335615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838978395918582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33700504660538666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942560409212187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862237361973161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795424058339934,0.0,0.18976742048694284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109595857339127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630177720375032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423499893109882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044967422061944,0.06607301603646458,0.0,0.0,0.07804407780394486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159128052263617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944311769634824,0.0,0.07410880597557425,0.1088652919827379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404780261105192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653560670627394,0.0842330975237524,0.0,0.0,0.08998525923493735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011379857945154
suicidewatch,hhhfhsksiwsb,2019/04/07,I just want I just want to have a suicide attempt. I know it’s super attention seeking but I feel as in if I try to kill my self but I fail it might be like a wake up call. ,-1.2559756097560992,0.09947309756097587,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,86.3170731707317,5.0756097560975615,20.006097560975608,5.985473137389443,-0.2951024390243906,131,4,36,1,4,47,30,41,0.299,0.531,0.17,-0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,7,4,2,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,5,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538843831661876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523504868934384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834258257224784,0.0,0.19046455132078266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931547856902832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676535754358257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615457078599788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790888273774629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23529672755884534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.408829232312269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lurzett,2019/04/07,"I can't go on. Hi. Im 24 and have a wonderful family that loves me. But i want to die. Ive been dealing with depression and anxiety for years and it has escalated in the past year or so. Years ago my parents found out I was cutting myself and seeing my dad cry was one of the worst experiences of my life. So putting them through me dying now would be unbeareable to them. Ive also been raped a year ago but never sought help for it. 

Honestly I dont even know why im alive anymore. Im laying on my bed but it feels fake. As if im living a fake live. Its fucking idiotic because my parents adopted me when i was months old so i should be grateful and stay around at least till they pass away but i just cant. 

Im also too dependent on my best friend. Whatever she says i overanalyze and its driving me crazy. I truly think that I may have an alcohol problem too because everytime i go out, i think of drinking or drink, its ridiculous. 

Im listening to a band called bts and they talk about self love and acceptance. About a song called magic shop and it makes me feel that maybe perhaps theres some hope in my life. I truly wanna just love myself and live a happy life. But my mind fucks everything up like it always does. Listens to sad music and its a trigger for me cause it helps me stay on track on my wish to die. Its fucked up.

Yesterday my 2 best friends and I went to karaoke and I over drank (again) and made it all about myself saying how im depressed and blah blah. Ruined everyones night and it was supposed to be my friends birthday celebration. One of them still talks to me but im so ashamed that i just want to kill myself and cut any ties with them. They dont deserve a fuck up like me as a friend. 

I just want to end it already. Ive been thinking of burning some coal and falling asleep as I fade away. Being alive has become exhausting. Comparing myself to others achievements make me think im a piece of shit and should die. My inner voice wont stop hating and honestly the only thing that is keeping me alive are my parents and my dog. Help me. ",1.78785128805621,3.7489554168618286,3.3025240046838427,90.39846984777522,79.14051522248243,6.42456674473068,23.789754098360657,7.461004344511776,0.9804454800936764,1621,56,349,23,40,533,216,427,0.19,0.59,0.22,0.9574,3,0,3,0,0,4,35.0,0,0,7,3,23,38,12,1,14,0,29,18,2,7,2,74,62,42,5,11,13,4,2,4,4,5,5,6,1,1,21,26,4,2,10,5,1,7,6,22,0,2,11,9,60,16,48,42,8,47,0,4,1,8,34,18,5,9,22,229,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069486825436461,0.06446892054824924,0.0,0.0,0.06656997396455358,0.09648352427906763,0.05019510916853275,0.0,0.0,0.04102296780866038,0.0,0.04614834646263867,0.0,0.05982604315217021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053701907657450025,0.0,0.0,0.11335436795972376,0.0,0.0,0.07354693940803013,0.06662405926092932,0.0,0.0,0.12661442030136694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231968366930504,0.0,0.0,0.061970239979374335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626401699658968,0.0,0.06219227328578434,0.10391541281289544,0.0,0.2504306881499343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052790684277295434,0.0,0.14140055392007875,0.11819077758323993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342991327461435,0.0,0.0,0.03984399563524641,0.0,0.0,0.05764298099969816,0.054216086972572165,0.05900928043056045,0.056868901443590227,0.0,0.061004115194712334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614308624501479,0.1864273232398296,0.22307741347761764,0.0,0.0,0.06856800685809959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421692641039413,0.0,0.05955830199793316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130342957859568,0.0,0.0,0.05991618925695255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864507250551388,0.0,0.0,0.053619499983603436,0.06674051057693507,0.0,0.03315296088364311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278276803995621,0.05894335086575043,0.0,0.15980384785960616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333660179706405,0.05708083330770824,0.08053461392956948,0.0,0.06060442178126694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609109035724879,0.0,0.0481507211240401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652624456893524,0.0,0.0,0.056610786837908586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330078416595744,0.0,0.0817553615132292,0.0458797680881298,0.0,0.0,0.20095082666807856,0.0,0.05758689688248659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772273606339408,0.0,0.06064313783181755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594548672748217,0.0,0.0,0.04807109654972837,0.0,0.06293197672328775,0.0,0.06192259341690432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285965309500311,0.04817550452217917,0.05043427722041823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697366152330912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04007715098821253,0.15461491672998004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674348155298614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592174192928575,0.054433795762434116,0.0,0.06937060237565679,0.0,0.06541972842318934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04285304386961238,0.0,0.0,0.15538890676341338
suicidewatch,Idkanymour3,2019/04/07,"I really almost tried to kill my self yesterday.. It was an awful day. I was alone. I finally decided on hanging myself because other options like pills or a gun aren’t accessible. 
I also didn’t have rope but was pacing back and forth going crazy.  I found a thick cable cord for some electronic. I tied it. Put it on to see where I’d sit it. then I looked up that people tie it around the doorknobs and toss it over the door and close it. the cord was too short .... so I ended up smoking and taking a nap for 6 hours. 

Idk why I’m even writing here. Or what this will do for me..? When I woke up I didn’t tell my SO when he got home. He still doesn’t know. I sat in my car for hours listening to the same song watching a thunderstorm. I was so numb ( and still am) 

Today I was busy so didn’t have time to get myself together but now I’m sitting here listening to music. I am numb. I just don’t really know what to do anymour. 

I didn’t know what to write. Those are blips of my last two days. Weeks. Months. Idk this is my first time coming somewhere likethis, so idk what to do. 
Thanks for readingif you do ",-0.10709687308400008,2.0685078412017184,1.8862584304107912,96.36042381974251,88.61373390557941,5.216983445738811,17.334304107909258,6.7097532225279775,-0.16593182096873085,849,21,197,11,28,281,134,233,0.112,0.862,0.025,-0.9457,1,1,0,1,0,1,33.0,0,1,0,1,19,5,1,0,9,1,24,3,0,0,0,24,42,18,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,2,1,16,8,0,0,5,2,0,5,7,3,0,2,14,7,25,2,22,27,2,40,0,0,3,0,9,12,0,5,22,128,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191663158792846,0.1674697851066467,0.0,0.12930938640455836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439450057370193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433535234982655,0.0,0.0985692601700381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392880291050939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856294712559087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321593977445685,0.0,0.0,0.1067996358134152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713164462826192,0.0,0.13753976204793553,0.0,0.17729289971846984,0.0,0.0,0.0844802399276564,0.0,0.09189638293227244,0.0,0.1293242161667286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219571890257667,0.0,0.3184788189265391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788942627358555,0.0,0.26659405705114503,0.13180499716574698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899720278700867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357851272183096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290653559767914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210064707217156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255059091743124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717504442159987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885192669082973,0.0,0.16868569750368834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25826357302101705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157635331856605,0.0,0.14133069191055858,0.1488692803830676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885741581993769,0.0,0.1532702687718549,0.0,0.0,0.1097819494069916,0.0,0.15795490583477342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297039349912825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590679149224425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway43829474,2019/04/07,bodily autonomy i cut myself. recently i’ve been doing it again. not long from now i have my senior prom. i cant cut my ankles because i’ll be wearing heels. i cant cut my thighs because my mom might see. i cant cut my arms because the dress is sleeveless. i cant cut my arms because i do ceramics and short sleeves are a constant. i cant cut my legs because I cant stand wearing long pants. i cant cut anywhere and its making me so fucking suicidal. literally all everyone is doing by keeping me from cutting myself is making me so fucking suicidal and stripping me of bodily autonomy because those goddamn scars look yucky to you. ,2.933806818181821,4.808452437500005,5.1731818181818205,78.69909090909094,75.40625,7.779545454545455,31.94886363636364,8.575989854853784,2.840990625,504,26,93,10,11,176,69,128,0.251,0.7490000000000001,0.0,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,0,0,4,10,10,0,2,0,18,9,7,2,1,9,25,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,1,2,24,0,5,22,1,9,0,0,2,2,2,1,2,1,7,61,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6256075810715717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848397412773886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344158891012656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162581660110016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520333633323464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027402954545884,0.14363539038100612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283487951981764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145256032954304,0.0,0.2003267700207602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888708928449586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630135472662053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37419267982596616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MNPhotoKid,2019/04/07,"My friends will welcome me back when I’m better they say, I’m 17 and don’t know how to get better. I don’t like talking to people My friends either think that I’ve been faking suicide for attention or actually need help. I don’t know what to believe anymore ",2.0249999999999986,3.9990618703703733,3.699777777777779,87.77300000000002,78.44444444444444,5.801481481481483,27.46666666666667,6.742157984588678,1.2657600000000002,207,9,42,2,5,69,39,54,0.113,0.574,0.313,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,12,4,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,6,4,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.24868857414823264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527343220348327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595740787535207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871191386562306,0.0,0.4507732516047909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937798713174445,0.0,0.13314418240705986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708149072418045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801084828913985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450270011694987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889617670820044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667503092448553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026602150395819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787552738329262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483197040116985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329216381915315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4566494651,2019/04/07,"Praying to God to kill me 25 years old. Can't find a full time job after graduation. Leeching off my parents like a fucking child because I can't function like an adult. Watching friends surpass me in every facet of life is sucking every bit of spirit out of me. A friend is getting married this year, another is putting a down payment down on a house. And here I am in my childhood bed jacking off to hentai porn and playing video games like a teenager because I don't know what to do. I'm tired. I'm done. Please God I've had enough. Why do you like to watch me squirm and fail at navigating adult life so much, you sadistic fuck? Haven't I satisfied you enough, you fucking psychopath? Please, let me rest.",2.3120972644376887,4.614051602836883,3.0669351570415406,91.01250000000002,79.07092198581559,5.163323201621076,28.511144883485308,6.18269132825596,1.1520634245187442,560,26,112,4,14,176,91,141,0.11,0.687,0.204,0.86,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,4,0,1,2,13,5,0,7,0,13,7,0,0,0,6,21,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,0,1,3,2,4,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,2,15,7,18,18,6,17,2,1,2,4,11,10,4,0,10,65,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535013189128469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847438917922626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598185492835231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498064681934767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30251732463569164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24667759186255694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379662244450136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226199097537932,0.4060019910130263,0.0764820553222842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891290868480904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526819953388995,0.0,0.16195741052723725,0.0,0.08045140274790215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969236690798396,0.20679734024860766,0.28607250353623903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761254037083592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361031851927456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254733069481553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32138167228089304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716107929929093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536042991892825,0.16825227939685844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209303510930956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188539050319747
suicidewatch,new_passion,2019/04/07,"Anyone else here have severe allergies? I’ve had severe allergies since the beginning of last fall and they still persist. I fear that I now have the dreaded year-long allergies. I take allergy medication but often it’s not strong enough during the times it peaks and I have to take pain meds for the headaches, ear aches and neck aches (damn swollen ymph nodes). The headaches sometimes get to the point that sometimes I get nauseous. I have to sit in my bed clutching my head until the pain or spinning goes away. These bouts make me sweaty and feverish. Not to mention the constant flow of mucous. My symptoms have been so gross and made me feel so unwell that I can’t even think about dating and that makes me even more depressed. Because who would date a coughing, sneezing, snotty mess? Sometimes with the headaches it’s hard to get my studying for college done.  Because I can’t breathe properly, I often can’t sleep at night.

On top of it all, when I did consult with my mom she didn’t take me seriously. Because how bad could allergies be? And there’s not much you can do to treat it, she said, even if you drop a couple thousand on allergy tests. 

To sum it up: I fucking hate my stupid immune system. And life really, really sucks.

It’s probably really weird for a person to be depressed and want to kill themselves over severe allergies. But here I am.",4.079937062937066,6.164883007692312,4.132167832167834,86.48646853146853,72.76923076923076,7.034965034965035,27.97202797202797,7.84624498591911,1.7468076923076918,1082,42,204,15,22,333,153,260,0.272,0.6940000000000001,0.033,-0.9973,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,1,3,15,19,6,2,12,0,20,15,6,4,1,30,37,18,1,4,7,1,2,0,0,1,8,2,1,1,13,11,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,17,0,1,7,4,27,2,26,26,4,25,0,2,0,1,11,9,3,4,11,133,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793363372511136,0.1142013189490801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471793405298184,0.0,0.09306230701372648,0.20383026316547206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044589691024743,0.0,0.08898969665117512,0.1233255376628372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919962599040844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405965855453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310838940787816,0.0,0.0,0.1151653302119548,0.0,0.22084976428018355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542060727442148,0.056356230702906934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304060749365701,0.1746957368558057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099843973975938,0.11004114712444366,0.11438748915080316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331114382360775,0.0,0.0,0.09085268981584878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872568622430234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863632724463736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546372487612796,0.14879741367276664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380408981699087,0.11228164511679303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053760692119604,0.0,0.0,0.08193404302830765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459525732410907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23719714948236384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732033769711416,0.0,0.0,0.10536330724813033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016997185524897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420747073137308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602154915807548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777455470909545,0.0,0.09219874632970902,0.0,0.11153793346284267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33070277504784984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890100557450981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584695669319532,0.25140637201570826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141742724678321,0.0,0.0,0.0649917297165464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574048601181359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917616767096379,0.0,0.0,0.07177493723399224
suicidewatch,AncientAirport,2019/04/07,Nobody Likes Me.......... I am 14. I just realized someone who i thought liked me really never did...two of them. I changed schools this year. These are one of the only friends i have and they don't like me. What's that say about me? I think one of the girls flocked to the other bcz she was new too and wanted to talk to the girls with status...idk im the scum of the earth apparently. I just considered suicide. People only care when your dead. Thats the only way you can get anyone to care ever.,-0.3324369747899176,1.928232843137252,1.5965266106442575,96.59294117647059,93.11764705882356,4.4829131652661065,17.089635854341733,6.18269132825596,-0.3514364145658257,378,10,85,4,14,124,72,102,0.102,0.757,0.141,0.4922,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,2,2,0,6,6,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,0,2,11,12,3,2,1,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,16,6,10,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,0,8,56,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253168296281556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864999721632053,0.0,0.20050956152903845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714509559333878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643913704017095,0.0,0.0990275054353456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473712782535647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27780091303244303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461859342502041,0.18306016719362755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568761784559416,0.432464095691752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140407090168627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121425009298604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507308481943584,0.0,0.19182591320451375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059772713054926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20732741675657054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234611603397288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214504107337784,0.0,0.1504746190370033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18515430720233814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179636869840616,0.15044906032455585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205838187558288
suicidewatch,Spxit-22,2019/04/07,"Suicide note (1) I saved a person from suicide, even though I want to kill myself. What's wrong with me? I betrayed my own morals. A person should have the right to decide when and how they want to die. 

​

 I still remember his voice through the call, screeching in disbelief as the siren of the ambulance grew louder. The beeps and the voices of nurses. His screaming haunted me the most. 

​

He had called me, trusting that I wouldn't tell anyone. That I, more than anyone, understood his desire to die. I'm selfish to even want him alive when he wants so much to die. No, he's not angry at me. I'm the only one he has. He's lonely, and he knows that there's always going to be next time. And he's right, nothing is stopping him from attempting again. All I did was prolong the process. It was a fruitless endeavor that resulted in no good. 

​

But then I think of myself, I was perfectly fine after the incident. The most intense it had gotten for me was the call to the dispatcher. I was only shaking then, nothing else. I didn't have a breakdown, I didn't cry, I wasn't more depressed than I was before. Nothing changed because of this incident and it seems like I am the only person on earth that even remembers that this happened. This memory will die with me, just as it had begun with me. He doesn't care, this was only one attempt. I didn't change, he didn't change. Nothing has changed, nothing has fucking changed. He's still excruciatingly lonely, he still sees no future. 

​

I've never been lonely in my life. I am an introvert to the extreme, getting tired when in groups of more than 2-3 people. But I'm not afraid of interaction, I have no anxieties surrounding people, and generally don't experience the feeling of great anxiety. I don't want a romantic partner, I don't want sex, I don't want any of that. I don't really want anything other than my presence to be gone from this world. 

​

My dream is to die alone, in a city, in a field, somewhere where no one will notice me gone. Where the world goes on as usual without my presence. I want to rot away in isolation. 

​

That day, I hope, is coming soon. ",2.8422517730496466,5.101453104018912,3.877039598108748,86.10137500000002,77.06146572104021,6.499503546099291,26.177836879432625,7.554174236665415,1.4945584397163123,1705,66,326,24,40,550,194,423,0.197,0.688,0.115,-0.9921,0,8,0,1,0,4,89.0,0,0,1,3,18,20,2,2,25,0,40,4,0,2,3,47,68,19,8,13,6,0,1,1,1,4,2,3,0,4,19,10,0,1,8,1,0,6,21,11,0,3,21,5,45,9,48,41,8,43,1,4,1,2,27,18,1,4,20,224,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055789104253982265,0.0,0.0,0.04482096641649967,0.3501838193230467,0.3927197361173535,0.03663084099057575,0.0,0.08241494126585562,0.0,0.0,0.075328953412195,0.0,0.0443272660861648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060903745051898,0.0,0.0,0.03283631568740756,0.0,0.045836141037952007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501013858238056,0.0,0.05492014766964338,0.0,0.28491631362136943,0.046400933590063975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059169455543059336,0.03473922174467989,0.0,0.04639485106213618,0.0,0.2795228870192836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499827091810958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673428665751863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269144783727287,0.0,0.0,0.02723635274136016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979840378566199,0.0281428492293348,0.0,0.030613384287246838,0.04518038556320426,0.0,0.05938763973734881,0.0,0.0,0.04763367394775874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053501258408937685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059594933306054775,0.0,0.029603436888326045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03804726705578157,0.026316288512885224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959783096937425,0.0,0.041544909052960086,0.0,0.0572872801423028,0.0,0.0,0.258430202057757,0.0613269886225022,0.0,0.0,0.10950332731969876,0.16387059048087482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468803620265749,0.14110157901086348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034508046166953944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203973419479575,0.09200282530229917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429243613521295,0.049037735741230666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905277263388235,0.04503452792476269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178416886346212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708140456658808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03451526505787904,0.05292323599001631,0.0,0.03140979539889085,0.061911235408157995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932597325084889,0.0,0.2859449504813077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051925063167675214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889419801372819,0.3927197361173535,0.0
suicidewatch,M4dScientist1,2019/04/07,"Can’t kill myself because my mom has threatened to do the same should I ever go through with it, and I believe her. I can’t put her through that but I also don’t know how to keep going. Im stuck. I feel hopeless, and just sitting with myself for even two seconds is literally mentally and physically painful. I’m constantly high because I believe self medicating is the only thing that keeps me sane at times. 

I’m not sure what other alternatives I have. I’ve tried EVERY medication known to man, I’ve tried psychedelics, yoga, journaling, exercise, diet, ketamine infusions, AA, therapy, transcranial magnetic brain stimulation. I mean, what else is there?

I’m an only child, and growing up it was just me n my mom. She suffers from depression herself, and I only make the problem worse because she knows how badly I suffer, and it pains her. I love my mom, and I don’t want her to have to experience the loss of me, but I don’t want to live anymore. This life has truly tortured me, and I’m scared that I’ve reached a low that I can never, ever come back from. That I’m ultimately doomed to live a miserable existence for the rest of my days.

How do you gather the courage to keep on going when this life has done nothing but cursed you?",4.276296296296299,5.672131135802469,5.456893004115226,79.98435185185187,70.97530864197532,8.527572016460908,30.78395061728395,8.998388855275968,2.6070148148148147,978,42,188,19,18,325,137,243,0.256,0.67,0.07400000000000001,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,3,33.0,0,2,0,1,12,18,2,2,9,0,19,10,1,5,4,39,40,16,1,4,6,3,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,14,11,1,3,5,2,0,6,7,15,1,2,3,1,33,3,21,36,2,20,1,8,0,1,17,5,0,0,8,125,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612854127954445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681056409838044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281550802402722,0.08992593080679118,0.1969607968029924,0.0,0.0,0.2426845464945313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202300611787975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277497247563746,0.0,0.11638664180026435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945830809485871,0.0,0.09276281094530987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021563178643336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997046013688056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113556948617447,0.19484364570946355,0.09074283294488464,0.0,0.0,0.10535235488992964,0.0,0.0,0.054456918868061886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362707373911194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137921392507911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633568381233078,0.0,0.0,0.287189093820959,0.11915532445969172,0.0,0.11837943032623935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214496264485594,0.0,0.0,0.19020411218529248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720445955552656,0.0,0.07189132934450608,0.0,0.0,0.11731808589016188,0.0,0.2169950815458749,0.10853739048912893,0.0,0.0,0.3784147261451883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306573802895588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334212278830476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457346492595968,0.2292031557822116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305541993728523,0.0,0.10826936596887904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782760288029616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123557497617436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150702455924823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316560913901482,0.0,0.07155183393324019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280138519069578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462439722924185,0.0,0.10520833796963452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704981395810871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097566354695161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,imnotokanyway,2019/04/07,"I wish there was an easy way out... I think of this every time I'm in the car or in a plane, that I wish it would crash. I don't think I have the guts to do it myself, more for fear of failing and then having to live with the consequences- ie dealing with my family knowing I tried to kill myself or injuring myself irreparably without dying. If there was a button I could push to end it, I would.",4.183928571428574,3.927503821428573,5.431047619047622,86.04728571428574,70.30952380952381,8.624761904761906,25.13333333333333,8.238735603445708,1.250150476190477,307,7,69,4,5,103,56,84,0.162,0.743,0.095,-0.7832,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,6,0,9,2,1,0,0,16,15,5,2,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,12,0,13,10,1,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,53,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833970574526614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302807061550026,0.0,0.0,0.2318188123026528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783612189476127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188195626094294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21056973946766133,0.25134903294917066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471215649921423,0.0,0.12275620169619328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197236414253024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862480363361725,0.0,0.0,0.13024660595212514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165096258789315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729766340983155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137201281598942,0.21531701036416875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173458271203373,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_psychology_,2019/04/07,"Suicide Survey If you have a moment, we would very much appreciate you taking the time to fill out this brief survey on suicide. Thank you!  [https://survey.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_0x2agwgQcTCjGC1](https://survey.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0x2agwgQcTCjGC1) ",15.23681818181818,21.23728412121212,6.9365909090909135,60.02488636363637,56.27272727272727,6.936363636363637,26.431818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.3425818181818183,228,6,23,3,4,54,27,33,0.253,0.598,0.149,-0.7016,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557065033343113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7609731495413226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615365641600743,0.0,0.0,0.3202494484955446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283153787156644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28700900860197337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470994989904073,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kindasortasalty,2019/04/07,"I am just done with everything Hello, sorry for any bad grammar in this post. I am a 13 year old female. I have been having suicidal thoughts and tendencies for three years. My life is good and my parents are wonderful. (Mother and nice stepdad) I don’t have any dark secrets really and the worst things that have happened to me are getting trapped in an elevator and my cousin touching me in questionable when I was around 6.",4.067936507936508,6.250535864197531,4.656190476190479,82.29,73.07407407407408,8.085361552028218,30.08994708994709,8.841846274778883,2.6308539682539682,339,15,62,7,7,108,62,81,0.206,0.6940000000000001,0.1,-0.8709,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,0,0,12,17,6,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,1,10,2,8,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,4,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143093970379098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572639081508975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19295734135001252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364936909067395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20769615798624128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073926960176508,0.0,0.0,0.1938342030962994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20435937221687467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323149078558832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424986826407607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566071989188595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213281910926697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588828697231237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804742247771652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586955110297475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527839185442541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353137321579974,0.0,0.0,0.18346615434025576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506161364407134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976393237746061
suicidewatch,vv0id,2019/04/07,Can't stand this loneliness I don't even have no one to talk to. They were mean to me even in a loneliness subreddit. No one can stand me. ,-0.7240000000000002,1.4216889333333356,1.495000000000001,97.7025,93.0,7.0,17.5,8.07648339933343,0.6680000000000006,108,3,27,3,4,36,21,30,0.267,0.675,0.058,-0.779,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5677090191457166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4681380633474878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5824372700904671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454273434970604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IcySprinkles7,2019/04/07,"Ways to tell my soon to be husband about my suicidal tendencies I’m currently laying in bed alone due to my own wishes; all I can think about is how I do not want to start another day. Constantly think about sleeping forever or just wishing I wasn’t born. I know if I pull the trigger it won’t be soon, I want to at least make sure we can fulfill our dreams of marrying one another. When I think about the future it’s normal him losing me prematurely....... I just want to prepare him for what I think will happen ",2.5537393162393194,4.366643903846153,4.233974358974358,85.28880341880344,76.30769230769229,8.083760683760685,25.97863247863248,8.841846274778883,1.992569658119658,402,15,83,9,9,135,71,104,0.123,0.768,0.109,-0.0941,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,0,0,1,10,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,1,3,2,22,23,4,1,7,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,17,1,14,18,3,14,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,2,10,58,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853431136851887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752992417516318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933864709018758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541098591307075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824906249704607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834883069078264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002045500139773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945366113610915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533762394111194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126434552479624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908395285678044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666506757511425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574741148404592,0.0,0.16866270001114916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641430769917072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586678191765562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316656380449531,0.14204592223958995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115781786070964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nottoberevealed1,2019/04/07,"I’m mad. I’m new here. And I’m venting I just really really wanna die. I have a personality disorder and things w my bf are bad he doesn’t care nor try to care about it because it makes me a fucking horrible person. I can’t blame him but it makes me mad. I know we should probably end it but I’m too immersed into his family. They’ll hate me! I know! why the fuck do I care? It makes me want to kill myself more it’s like he doesn’t care; I just want to die and I don’t think if I pluck up the courage he deserves to mourn for me. 

Fuck I will probably regret writing this but I’m so mad and feel pushed away. I just really cannot right now... worst thing is.. I’m a pussy so I won’t even do it. I think about my mum, I’m her only child and she didn’t even think she could have me so I feel bad. But I just really don’t wanna be here, the pain is too much 

When I see people who die n it was an accident or they clearly didn’t wanna die i feel bad because I want to die and they deserve the air I breathe seeming I dont want it

This is a massive rant but I need to get this out somewhere as my boyf is beside me sleeping because as soon as I tried to discuss he said ‘he’s tired’. God someone just put me out my misery ",-1.9014297658862915,-0.019947235507245864,1.1504347826086985,99.41931438127092,97.44202898550724,4.424972129319956,15.77257525083612,6.163053881298487,-0.6124993311036788,937,24,238,11,39,327,133,276,0.309,0.581,0.11,-0.9975,0,0,0,0,0,5,22.0,1,0,3,0,20,21,8,0,9,0,25,7,2,3,1,47,60,21,7,12,12,1,3,1,2,4,2,1,0,3,15,10,0,0,9,0,0,2,11,15,0,0,4,5,44,6,21,50,3,14,0,2,1,3,24,7,3,3,6,147,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647635925241967,0.0,0.2305533307247908,0.1683235944579895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753712506166084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348793735252017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776246064902229,0.0,0.1054879480710806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787237686004797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815217703265369,0.0,0.0,0.1215855636663128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676887604849454,0.0,0.13961739304113166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552736550369899,0.048088074046499805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087228331364117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183068324974703,0.0,0.10116760058770743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044967004595880745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431597295579005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766135909761474,0.06824787447051878,0.0,0.08889460394131835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000198367329824,0.0979390306817398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381023801167457,0.16073480748778773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847338951988736,0.0,0.0,0.09252749351840744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358574948476513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860324730398169,0.08755288820779343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334544737383393,0.08379145438262822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210833360716604,0.0,0.07798677104913655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229704665290178,0.17693012619075374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578858055049008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498076512503485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171546998973432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305346432697915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hitori_arukishiteru,2019/04/07,Started hallucinating again. Can never cut deep enough. It's pathetic. ,5.237878787878788,7.132788545454545,6.221818181818183,56.98606060606062,118.0909090909091,8.73939393939394,30.93939393939394,7.793537801064563,4.712612121212123,58,3,7,2,3,19,11,11,0.274,0.5920000000000001,0.134,-0.4378,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.702484671064831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5243555818481654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812135811711967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tbribri33,2019/04/07,"I need someone to talk to Long story short I seriously contemplated on killing myself about 30 mins ago, but didn’t. Instead I decided to cut myself (it was my first time ever) and yeah, I felt better for all about 3 minutes (even smiled once I had done it) and then felt even worse after. 

My mind is so fucked up now. I used to be such a happy, kind, easy going, loving, sweet girl who would do anything to make others happy and now I’ve been feeling very empty (most of it has to do with my rape and my boyfriend). It’s a long and unpleasant story that would take a long time to explain but in general I ducking need someone. I’d tell my boyfriend but considering 1.) he’s partially the reason for it  2.) I don’t want to burden him as he has enough to stress about 3.) I don’t want him thinking “I just want attention” 4.) I don’t want him thinking I’m crazy and break up with me.  

So that being said, I need someone that I don’t know to talk to me. I feel broken, alone, and unloved. I can’t stop crying tonight and I just want to not feel anything I have been feeling. I just want to be happy and feel like everything is going to be okay. The only person that I think can actually make me feel better is my boyfriend as he’s also my best friend but as the reasons mentioned above, I feel like I can’t tell him any of this. 

I might delete this in a little bit, who fucking knows",1.1791071428571414,3.127102347222227,2.884623015873018,92.70125000000002,81.08333333333333,5.503174603174603,21.3968253968254,6.5431188927421005,0.26682003968254,1068,32,237,10,28,353,145,288,0.173,0.598,0.228,0.9445,0,1,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,0,4,16,22,5,1,7,2,28,4,0,5,2,59,63,20,1,11,8,0,9,2,1,3,0,1,0,2,14,11,0,1,19,0,0,2,8,9,0,1,9,11,38,13,32,47,5,25,0,0,0,4,20,7,2,2,17,152,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0891626818611974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099284944729991,0.0,0.0,0.09463042925596583,0.0,0.07306752519265787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213385666068979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037732810265622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588582521473067,0.1616163997965529,0.09975096814593687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036423871211048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350191391308932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440830288039673,0.0,0.12069634382068825,0.08264823007566001,0.0,0.0,0.08211630597691986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32339135930265217,0.13054765081905773,0.17545658221430582,0.0,0.0,0.07771817891849057,0.0,0.0,0.07059123948471534,0.16893780208570855,0.0,0.0,0.10385388813168556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917910756274794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010859413436463,0.09514645233200722,0.10042770815751977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927627398571868,0.0915754518643983,0.0,0.24257530214301434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246382896884118,0.0,0.12197864819198867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692776351530184,0.0922563518392515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032462244793748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730469528491756,0.0,0.06949002196305593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977963420781209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788450473324853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691256740499008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23224923703552705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638833363337028,0.10466254977157573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686978997111895,0.14687741786637687,0.1597205613421189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756361421456622,0.0,0.0,0.10655566032777576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891323029758465,0.0,0.07538875549760027,0.3233497982501431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311252237746773,0.1298114216254553,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beautyintheruins,2019/04/07,"I tried. I tried to get better, i really did.
Spent years on it, professional help, theraphy, everything.
But it isnt meant for me anymore, getting help isn't for me.
That calm i felt the first time i tried to kill myself was so beautiful, the only time i have ever felt actual happiness and not afraid.  I felt so happy when i realized that i wouldn't have to wake up again, that morning wouldn't come for me.
I just want to fucking die, I want to leave my family behind and die.  I don't want to graduate, I don't want to get my dream job, I don't want to draw or write or watch my favourite movies.  I don't want to eat or even recover anymore.  I just want to fucking die.
Everything hurts and my entire ""recovery journey"" has been a lie, I never improved.
I just want to give up, recovery isnt for me.  Happiness isnt for me.  My family has begun to hate me, and I know they are strong enough to get over my death even if it hurts at first.  They don't need me anymore. They told me if ever needed them they would be there for me, and they have only mocked me and told me to stop being dramatic.  I can't take it anymore, life isn't worth it.

I was supposed to graduate this year, I'm sorry to all my teachers, you didn't deserve to have your efforts wasted.  I was supposed to turn eighteen, I'm sorry to  mom, I didnt mean to upset you.  It hurts so badly when you say I'm just like the people who abused me, I think I deserved what they did to me too.
I was supposed to be featured in an art gallery this summer, I'm sorry Tina, you didn't deserve this at all. You were the only one there for me and I wish you were here right now but I can see you are tired and you don't need to worry about me anymore.

I've tried to write suicide notes before, but I can never do it; but I want to leave something before I go.
Just something so someone knows I tried.
Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry to you too.  Youre a good person and  I wish you the best in life.
I'm finally feeling that calm again.
",1.4162098117074389,3.0065935734597176,3.3145062123735123,91.61348981683105,78.90521327014218,6.363110029460741,21.8319456897656,7.222845823187471,0.5589269117458691,1536,44,348,19,37,517,170,422,0.129,0.733,0.138,0.1442,1,0,2,1,1,3,54.0,0,12,7,6,24,22,5,2,8,0,41,7,1,0,6,62,87,25,6,19,15,1,4,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,16,11,1,1,10,3,2,3,20,11,0,3,19,7,75,11,44,62,4,31,0,3,2,2,30,9,2,5,20,236,91,5,0.0,0.08074159415128422,0.06650044135807301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379114625433461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689887148523225,0.0,0.0,0.1159740621651098,0.0,0.071514781337433,0.060269395742854885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870154680165515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121736512389032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973013530290853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704127969051727,0.0,0.0900192767516393,0.12328350073747195,0.0,0.0,0.12249004799251573,0.0,0.1284835342438313,0.0,0.03445654885477785,0.0,0.196291877602912,0.07465036007764002,0.0,0.1159295142708015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599933252626294,0.1424134088130914,0.06537163207769849,0.038728811501320425,0.057157438707724134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762731793758155,0.0,0.0672798395960433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091353346337074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188543685739625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762416164348882,0.0,0.07539319785057083,0.0,0.07490226603380372,0.0,0.0,0.14431306187951073,0.0,0.0,0.09626674529791307,0.033292581037976963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742307211287008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798115021917882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158767491181085,0.10511643772896256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617733736698433,0.1554837865146068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047243696553692205,0.05950225784442185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816421119632736,0.0,0.0436559252233858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819611522346496,0.0,0.05419225146154532,0.0,0.0,0.05430335581400343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773968976535693,0.10492388606827956,0.0,0.3051344412791813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697291507151887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454041185555542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051237138181628346,0.0,0.0,0.0627394693275603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04366505779962315,0.0,0.0,0.07947269298190263,0.07832353794791967,0.0,0.13023240708346753,0.0,0.2313325230637418,0.0741230291912297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617472665888295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567285447686892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692053372923009,0.0,0.04840879979838547,0.0,0.0,0.08776728324465817
suicidewatch,fuckyoumeanbitch1,2019/04/07,"I wonder what it feels like to be dead I honestly don't know what to say. I am mostly incapable of social interaction and I've grown so used to it that now I can't make friends with anyone. Apparently people ""try"" to make advances but I don't see it. Probably because my world is just dull and grey. I see no meaning in living. I am the literal definition of a nobody, I rarely leave my own house other than to work a crappy minimum wage job where I am usually ignored except for the occasional chatty customer. But the one time I tried to talk to people about how I felt about having no friends and being depressed, everyone just gave me hell for it. Nobody can do that to you if you're dead so why the fuck not. Only problem is I'm a huge pussy who doesn't like physical pain but I desperately want a way out of this hell. ",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,5.0504142011834325,82.00804733727813,73.61538461538461,8.276923076923078,26.01775147928994,8.841846274778883,1.9020319526627223,650,22,133,13,13,223,109,169,0.29100000000000004,0.608,0.101,-0.9927,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,9,13,3,0,8,0,14,2,0,4,0,26,28,10,2,3,8,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,5,0,1,2,7,8,0,1,2,6,16,5,20,24,2,11,2,2,3,1,9,5,3,3,5,89,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894507058485762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369765436175732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651574419634414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254767277060633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601287426809519,0.12152682573331053,0.16333255601875193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26285357738218423,0.15726422271890708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628443613214155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880821516517633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348816705227912,0.0,0.0,0.18012223596451393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621459095911792,0.0,0.1502105033366395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22709988006691265,0.0,0.0,0.1852999762159188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527113553135455,0.1293765416125804,0.18100934307273295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235866113507726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340766497452984,0.16277257439385012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527853096699655,0.0,0.0,0.27111175501941465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340601897103974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672820807741476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919267855305633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23098744223356885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692067342857434,0.18735245230939884,0.0,0.10033545691631794,0.13502563085047858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534980784789824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844773539475725,0.12384231770225902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Spiderbyte1234,2019/04/07,"What's the point anymore My life isn't that bad. My scars aren't that deep. I shouldn't be complaining as there are a lot of people who have it worse than me. Yet, why do I feel like this?

The fact that I shouldn't be feeling like this makes it even worse. 

There's no point anymore. I'm just a trashy f\*\*\*ing snowflake who doesn't deserve to live. Once I find the right way, that it for me. I don't want to be remembered for the scumbag I am. I just want to be wiped off the face of the earth. 

Everyone is better off without me and that's a fact. I've only led to negativity in the lives around me and I've had enough.

I'll stick around until then though.",0.3853755868544617,2.398590823943664,1.5639718309859167,100.71084037558687,84.4225352112676,4.913427230046949,17.91737089201878,6.079149491110277,-0.5986522065727701,515,12,128,4,15,162,81,142,0.14300000000000002,0.768,0.08900000000000001,-0.7485,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,10,0,16,2,1,2,2,20,22,6,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,2,13,3,17,15,2,14,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,5,83,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247413592353553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29149897882857456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670309321559268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448009883011708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917114325187796,0.0,0.10813846794987407,0.0,0.0,0.15644574681804524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556802224820413,0.23392958737840785,0.0,0.0,0.14964119895899475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564343468075562,0.15997501146234416,0.0,0.2891434121924203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919268908446614,0.0,0.0,0.10928735469961573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743612165762507,0.0,0.12451983672433198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350593228382022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095450881122001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854679077096557,0.139819802335509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608584599606781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931378680733924,0.12995686310312232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773586796698707,0.0,0.0,0.15782454602906054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336984434858023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UncookedCupNoodles,2019/04/07,I'm done I've just given up. I'm constantly being bombarded by OCD thoughts about developing schizophrenia. I can't function like this anymore. This will be my last Reddit post. I can't go on like this. All my dreams of being happy and successful in the past year have been dashed by the thought of developing schizophrenia. Its over. Thank you to everyone who's helped make this life manageable. Peace out ✌️,2.4573076923076904,5.357630371794876,3.0340512820512835,87.2026153846154,85.02564102564101,6.70974358974359,24.46666666666667,7.908726449838941,1.7281343589743594,331,13,62,7,10,103,60,78,0.051,0.752,0.197,0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,1,7,17,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,0,5,5,11,8,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,36,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632467816702543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28684811415384004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716389582102422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536408633185647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085660173970453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825675628136301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791993675679166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21637036551689104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874892811478312,0.25936275572833906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17718435661950124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25339408177359085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542197173229407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438299991171905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214620258219021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093571401957205
suicidewatch,suicidalinsandiego,2019/04/07,"Mercy for the Suicidal Unfortunately, I have suffered from long term depression that appears to be treatment resistant as well as suicidal my entire adult life, almost 40 years.  Every day is a battle against killing myself.  Not that I have any strong desire to live but avoid the suicide induced trauma that family and friends would feel.  Although, really, it has nothing to do with them.

I have given this a lot of thought.  During all the treatments I have sought there was always some person who pompously  declares that ""Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.""  And sometimes that may be true such as when you loss a loved one, or your significant other breaks up with you or your lose your job.  Indeed these are temporary and really not worth killing yourself over.  However, there are some of us others who have suffered for a long, long time and are just tired and worn our by the unrelenting emotional pain.  Yet, so often when someone who has been fighting losing battle against a fatal disease, people are often actually relieved when the patient dies and then comfort themselves with ""At least they are no longer suffering.""

Well, **WE ARE SUFFERING.  WE ARE IN PAIN.  WE WANT IT TO END.**  They say that Depression is a disease, then please allow us to end our suffering.  We feel bad enough as it is you don't need to pile guilt on our already severely damaged minds.  I am in pain EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Allow me the dignity to put this pain to an end.  Feel glad when I am finally out of pain and no longer suffering.  After a lifetime, and multiple treatments it isn't going to magically vanish one morning. Think about it.",4.9109705730511095,7.347036348993293,5.273288590604028,77.6699948373774,71.41610738255035,8.208776458440889,30.92462570986061,8.950670267944501,2.9596913784202368,1304,58,215,27,26,414,173,298,0.327,0.541,0.131,-0.9981,2,1,0,0,2,4,40.0,9,6,3,4,15,37,5,2,16,0,29,8,0,3,2,47,41,23,8,5,6,0,3,0,1,2,7,1,0,2,19,16,0,1,6,0,1,3,6,28,2,2,5,4,27,9,35,32,8,31,0,12,0,1,27,7,0,10,20,167,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.08784214129857859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013751868124308,0.0,0.0993343405810402,0.0,0.07490010544850847,0.0,0.0,0.06121362550209685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515918100186676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610509901534805,0.0,0.15506043330393796,0.0,0.09342187546098384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125531965919718,0.23918104002543344,0.0930100722440006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168387904886024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485860047767382,0.0,0.1365436215768213,0.0,0.0,0.09860757829592608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954575057434112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115788200422231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932649229047755,0.0,0.19917762358542765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358060841491679,0.0,0.0,0.0794853340231101,0.2389826497094768,0.0,0.20140863470488274,0.0,0.07652795753887649,0.08124250151626704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088999259320933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674535129286915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637229820229747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199366232598223,0.0,0.4789141829581526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240541240607572,0.07859806092128496,0.0,0.0988099858173111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613267486695693,0.0,0.09049043808393692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533246618151345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158393708307724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016918910118666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626983946759698,0.0,0.08902762935651583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938493794597984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767829654531247,0.0,0.07146225069904452,0.052488760854271836,0.1034595733038772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216555121906859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309347302752554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186948651960614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394442721195798,0.0,0.0,0.0579670295318551
suicidewatch,iconoclasmastic,2019/04/07,How do I know when I need to go to a mental hospital? I’ve always hurt myself in some form of self harm or starving myself. i’m really considering suicide but there’s also a slightly more sensible part of me that knows I need to be put somewhere. how do I know when i’m supposed to do this?,2.166612903225804,3.530639209677421,4.662129032258068,83.72319354838713,76.25806451612901,7.540645161290323,25.30322580645161,8.238735603445708,1.5886025806451616,229,8,48,4,5,81,43,62,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.8224,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,12,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,11,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675011642209607,0.2255264997292329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540379415073724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901532917242553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468685105541389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27314397382295513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019445729786638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935092659528021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724694663355987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363478493991105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827532137402365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964731205590966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YesmanSucksAtLife,2019/04/07,The dreams are driving me insane. Every night I have the same dream. I hang myself at the start. As I am watching over my classmates they all seem absolutely fine. It actually seems much better. I try to delay the dream by not sleeping. Like for fucks sake I'm posting this 5a.m. help,0.9941071428571426,3.5968430535714333,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,91.67857142857142,4.228571428571429,19.5,5.985473137389443,0.03843571428571435,225,7,44,2,8,72,48,56,0.158,0.619,0.223,0.491,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,4,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,3,6,8,3,8,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,2,4,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2864753988239416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596328509963536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473397113464258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713945073135193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676926792785787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342018242221802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158027769900433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754892369064767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811524586974232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344979404779105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937752720526197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778558934424232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931018637544404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riario_00123,2019/04/07,"im feeling depressed this is my first time ever posting, and sorry if im in the wrong subreddit or if i do anything wrong.

I don't know how to start this, but basically im a normal guy, 20 years old and until about a mount ago, i was very happy, i had a girlfriend of 4 years that i loved, i had a shitty job that i hated but i was getting paid more than minimum wage (i only have the 9th grade and in my country is hard to find a good pay job without full 12th grade or collage) and i was starting to get my diver license, me and my gf were planing on moving together and i was ready to become just another working man, and i felt so happy with it, i just wanted a normal life with love and hard work and happiness.

But early last mount she broke u with me, she said that when we fell in love we were kids and she didn't love me anymore, this was my first gf and i felt so heartbroken that i could not do anything. I started to cry whenever i was alone. I didn't want to eat,sleep, play videogames or anything, but whenever i went to my job, no mater how bad i felt on the inside i just smiled and pretended everything was ok, after one month i culdnt take it anymore and quit.

I lost my happiness and i now i hate myself, i know i should be strong, i know this happens to everyone, but i dont have anyting now and i feel like i dont now who i am anymore, i have been tinking about suicide, but i keep tinking that my parent will be sad, and my ex will feel bad, i dont want to hurt them. 

i dont now if i shuld post this or not, i feel that im becoming a crazy.  ",2.389299802761343,3.0431187337278125,4.320843195266274,89.16822731755427,74.68047337278107,7.52682445759369,25.621794871794872,7.793537801064563,1.1833723865877719,1204,39,280,16,24,413,163,338,0.198,0.613,0.189,0.5331,5,1,0,0,0,2,33.0,2,0,1,7,15,24,2,0,10,1,33,5,0,2,1,62,64,35,1,10,19,2,9,1,3,3,1,1,0,3,14,21,0,1,11,2,3,3,11,11,0,3,21,10,57,13,24,37,2,32,0,5,0,4,20,6,0,7,22,188,71,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523087329940026,0.0,0.0,0.07621445082112188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716290353324802,0.0,0.0,0.21893706110522926,0.0,0.0,0.18166871217963532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288496725758848,0.0,0.1625432110046917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058753625985381086,0.0,0.08083240661239256,0.0,0.0,0.06338080064040558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449759790528119,0.0,0.0,0.07529837736578926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665641011678814,0.0,0.07031600391442948,0.06613569454030138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883219182748933,0.052570920323363135,0.21196660252237995,0.0,0.06725763624624735,0.1251869693852631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689285666931214,0.0,0.0,0.061721698522169126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286318833943918,0.06507317780176898,0.3133410223089987,0.13183988089926635,0.14530483065910038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877693415932316,0.0,0.3179484842227024,0.0,0.21907269878468866,0.0654079456917149,0.0,0.0,0.12132528645324832,0.05998362909506257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197702316028795,0.035951132456416506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032944233798754,0.0,0.26566234505676944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873683554045087,0.07821186021754505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420023977421867,0.0,0.0,0.07721769606646864,0.0,0.04986479030482414,0.05596660506671132,0.0,0.0,0.08171020344856003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095295532844593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826935779315547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999855803578588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364063787683048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823751746892878,0.15625682073931424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049277455893378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055328637312746135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290945944986005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071738914758445,0.13021143141016436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821634405795153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093571811370218,0.0,0.10714514391864932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091274517447746,0.0,0.09477586678152806
suicidewatch,ChocolateThunderFuck,2019/04/07,"I'm going to kill myself when my dog dies. Sorry, mum. I don't want to be here",-3.6375438596491234,-2.2139951052631552,0.5431578947368436,102.44877192982456,105.31578947368422,2.533333333333333,6.333333333333332,3.1291,-2.569750877192983,59,0,16,0,3,22,17,19,0.35700000000000004,0.643,0.0,-0.7369,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049078387468424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764878729972121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5382376609065738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5445943819151097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869489676332535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zambamboozled,2019/04/07,"How long does someone need to live in complete misery until it becomes socially acceptable to make the decision of ending their own life? A year? 5 years? 10? 20? Why does society deem it more acceptable for some to live out their entire lives in misery, especially when the chances of it ever gatting better is slim to none. And then, to add insult to injury, if you try to take mayters into your own hands and fail, you are punished so severely, you'll with you were dead even more. I've become convinced that society doesn't even donit out of legitimate caring, otherwise we would be allowed to make this decision regarding our own bodily autonomy. But I guess offing ourselves means one less worker bee for the system, and we can't have that. That's potential money wasted.

Personally, I think 5 years of complete misery with little chance of getting better is the line of acceptability. So by the beginning of next year, I will make the fully conscience decision of ending my own life should it not get better. The only thing I will regret is not being able to tell my partner and father beforehand. But they'll get over it if they actually care about my well being. But for now I will just research the tools I need for a reliable and at least mostly painless way to die.",6.087499999999999,7.216077416666668,6.681666666666668,73.87500000000003,66.5,9.666666666666666,30.416666666666664,9.827888789773867,3.0219166666666664,1020,37,175,22,16,334,148,240,0.156,0.725,0.12,-0.9422,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,5,4,5,11,14,2,0,10,0,18,3,1,5,1,43,33,16,2,7,8,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,10,13,0,0,8,0,1,0,5,4,1,1,1,1,21,10,35,22,11,24,0,2,0,0,18,8,0,5,14,127,31,3,0.11774189754782148,0.0,0.1148991075337621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26007335066097204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31239942056170183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24009142327225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24690027889109314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219750060636338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607345598548885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856874716132806,0.0,0.0,0.15553482576010694,0.10650428718285347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845458455533832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970597448782853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632916855923127,0.0,0.11800831324926067,0.3119047579988618,0.1041978742083818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23578089268196714,0.0,0.0,0.1282554436496216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460825025908594,0.0,0.0,0.12521984379481274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978495696266291,0.08954801873822224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280768342205747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301483033033878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002303696321134,0.09976232770536984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852725379601503,0.0,0.10291160814100322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822248492567108,0.0754442537391938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799390196538316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345803783924303,0.0,0.0,0.10586410612893403,0.0,0.106243748956267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364046583789814,0.0,0.0,0.3032876868041994
suicidewatch,solement,2019/04/07,"Everything is going great and I still want to die - rant I graduated with a bachelor's degree and now I'm in graduate school getting amazing grades towards a medical degree. I have friends that help me be more well rounded by getting me to run a 10k and join a book club and have meaningful discussions. My parents are becoming healthier people by exercising and working more. My sister is going to graduate soon and I know she's going to be great at her job. 

Everything is going great but I still want to die.

I just don't want to do this anymore. Although I love the changes in my life, I'm tired and all I think about everyday is that suicide is ALWAYS an option and that I could either drink myself to death or jump off the top floor of my apartment building not even considering how much I might be hurting people. 

What do I do? What is left to do? I feel like I'm just using up time trying to reach a goal and then once I reach it, who cares? Make another goal? To what end? What is the point? ",2.3245483110761995,4.453744597014925,3.9168840010473973,85.82274155538101,78.15422885572139,7.216653574234092,25.504320502749408,8.20500826718156,1.7032029850746273,788,30,158,15,19,262,118,201,0.128,0.685,0.187,0.4509,2,0,1,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,4,10,10,0,0,9,0,20,6,0,3,1,30,39,14,4,4,6,2,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,10,10,1,0,4,4,0,6,2,1,1,0,0,2,22,9,21,34,5,25,0,1,1,1,9,11,0,3,9,110,32,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060881736078703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369229586488576,0.0,0.0,0.1264433080699065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081102486704908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999224752106575,0.0,0.13487550028395304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179641756207214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264644651254628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124899058282758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129249843107061,0.0,0.0,0.08421092804063737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291731502276065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446659117566313,0.09108427381470978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098504289365687,0.0,0.13322441319617376,0.0,0.2898391789958665,0.0,0.0,0.42169949055124895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545891893674508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648876217337874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652164326269294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006931806901524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852645902824076,0.0,0.09005528875059858,0.06228886183592028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507151496763394,0.0,0.08510560336981055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844036625575495,0.0,0.13525475022927588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937253678855894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578072762217022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415709388115228,0.0,0.0,0.17678149278328797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052639377336208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903432541364368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363941316416825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946162389653596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169528067636636,0.0,0.0,0.07434484558634043,0.14653967585671104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656246597904417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011694551272863,0.0,0.0,0.22560407159350965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463560755274453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928197334816832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,12throw34away56acc,2019/04/07,"My mom wants to give away my cats. They are my best friends. My only reasons to live. If I don't have them anymore, I have no reason to keep myself alive. She wants to give them away because they ""are dirty"" (basically because they poop and throw up).

She's been abusing me my entire life and I know this is just a way to control me. She gave away another pet a few months ago. I will never forgive her.

I wish I had money to move out, but I still go to school and I will for two years. And I can't afford an apartment that allows cats on what little money I get from the government.

I'm already suicidal from all the abuse but this would be the last straw. I wouldn't be able to go on without them. They are the only ones who make me feel loved.

This is more of a rant than anything. Thanks.",0.517315930388218,2.6330388975903682,2.0102811244979932,97.0756492637216,84.72289156626506,4.6527443105756365,18.86077643908969,5.82211442006289,-0.3744902275769744,611,16,140,4,18,197,104,166,0.139,0.7709999999999999,0.09,-0.8178,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,7,2,2,5,0,0,8,0,17,3,1,5,2,26,33,7,1,6,5,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,5,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,3,1,31,5,21,24,4,20,0,0,0,1,19,9,0,1,6,100,37,2,0.13465014661428906,0.3190768111660356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193592306486158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485897850768721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119241908764268,0.0,0.0,0.13353676386765675,0.0,0.0,0.11080559772752807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795247354677176,0.0,0.0,0.16416295919718882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413070216178132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102158896228682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808315991240782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403036926006932,0.0,0.07034914412611247,0.25833738017345786,0.15304956266949374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968323711130376,0.0,0.0,0.0740001991736623,0.10975784100631414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510738063159266,0.0,0.13495482077027135,0.11889854636546116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152701441211057,0.0,0.08988001844056187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577006243276025,0.1074764623901938,0.14311179646968006,0.0,0.0,0.10385049398717212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124242411902657,0.20481500813630849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768855533394791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627313700190238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753178102085634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728540579289076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396776418470574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153362781062908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884029027622126,0.10687901893399274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548410234190651,0.12979793633448747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565160085335143,0.0,0.0,0.08671027974113371
suicidewatch,FitzerHack,2019/04/07,"Im lost I just feel so sad and i cant explain it. I can explain what has caused this, however. 
It started when i was diagnosed with ADHD (7 y.o) my mother didn’t believe me. Even though i was diagnosed she pretends that i dont have it. I take meds but i have to supply them myself in secret. 
Second cause: I have been hiding my Tourettes from everyone apart from a select group of friends. I tried to tell my mother and she started talking about sending me to foster care if i showed any signs of being ‘abnormal’ so ive been hiding tics and all symptoms from her. 
3. I have an alter. He is trans (female to male) and goes by the name of Connor. I feel like i cant tell anyone. 
4. Closeted lesbian. My whole family are very homophobic and against anything LGBT+ related. 

Im thirteen years old, anorexic, depressed, suicidal and scared. Help. ",0.7917077003666826,3.3357912771084344,2.6500838135149323,88.91778156102673,91.04819277108429,5.296595075955999,22.880041906757466,6.8959733430537185,1.0468080670508124,656,26,126,10,23,217,114,166,0.14800000000000002,0.764,0.08800000000000001,-0.8499,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,1,3,0,18,4,0,2,1,20,27,12,1,1,3,2,2,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,4,0,1,6,2,26,3,15,20,2,8,0,3,0,1,19,2,0,1,6,84,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455042117377315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442671221918386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737338711076036,0.0,0.1263675780808319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301060572672958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656562341029634,0.3154987930987146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226182171367726,0.3117222647984714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997229040956897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142555958581598,0.0,0.0,0.14673406898270752,0.0,0.0,0.1447635976258455,0.0,0.15529006120028435,0.10970397377246033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118640809488487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029286682433366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317443556210645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502212378686872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762991747524314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057159824862395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611363858943332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537413004482481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738246237924624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797075597631314,0.0,0.0,0.1596086250834466,0.11545872393498867,0.12342647528535593,0.2684380785477994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508728542666888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042578054337075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670386642667678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144531733733795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888821747564372
suicidewatch,juscarpediem,2019/04/07,"Nobody takes me seriously My friends know me as a bubbly and ambitious person. A lot of my ambition comes from wanting to escape my current life. I say things like, ""I really want to live in NYC,"" which makes it sound like I don't want to die and I have big dreams. But a lot of it is just me daydreaming and knowing things won't happen, so I want to kill myself anyways. 

My mom has a slew of mental issues including anxiety and depression. But I guess the depression doesn't stop her from physically and verbally abusing me. Yet, when I say something about my ADHD or anxiety, she screams and yells about how I'm making it up and that I don't have it. Is it too much to ask for my mental issues to be recognized. 

And to all the people who say ""but think about the people in your life who would be sad if you left"", fuck you. Because maybe if they had been that close to me or helped me, I would care about them that way. Thanks for labeling me as a selfish prick for wanting to kill myself. 

I'm supposed to start college this fall. For the past 17 years I lived for the day that I would wake up without having to see my mom. But I'll be long gone. ",4.298742937853106,4.617236021186444,5.246000000000002,85.47414124293786,70.14406779661017,8.666214689265535,27.17401129943503,8.648137234880735,1.6992997740112998,895,27,194,14,15,294,131,236,0.152,0.7440000000000001,0.104,-0.9522,1,0,1,0,0,3,25.0,0,3,2,1,11,15,4,0,10,0,18,5,2,3,1,39,41,21,3,10,10,2,0,2,1,4,2,6,0,1,15,10,0,1,3,1,0,3,5,10,0,0,3,7,34,5,32,31,4,20,0,3,1,1,18,7,2,7,11,136,49,2,0.0,0.13102912129641334,0.0,0.0,0.13290571635831436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691995831385176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338518687916222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741363690585946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127522018323556,0.0,0.0,0.09526207869700354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132034249463877,0.0,0.19049918228211585,0.0,0.11477325648700555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544029146132609,0.1022371554487585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182554474451597,0.0,0.09779292020991734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412504560911833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308510290612965,0.0,0.0,0.2446992673336959,0.0,0.12155293940729545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201545751022006,0.0,0.15622365620893,0.10805577187198426,0.0,0.19530309328032516,0.09786721727184472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803653546228308,0.0,0.0,0.14763717608101573,0.0,0.11110087021257646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228941094443965,0.0,0.0,0.2590394978316252,0.0,0.0,0.08129516796711445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556910153482893,0.1533360868408423,0.09656148906224199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084573424057404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638329041451413,0.0,0.0,0.08812460381229885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513632124213508,0.0,0.0,0.07827500935108636,0.0,0.0,0.09245681953627327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314868271120072,0.0,0.0,0.1018149025047798,0.0,0.0,0.14693998291086902,0.07086055477331346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32613939548446763,0.08777989152371526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660323125233773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567639085915496,0.0,0.0,0.07121527710100377
suicidewatch,miaoxx7,2019/04/07,"i’m so close to killing myself hey guys, i made this account so no one i know can connect this back to who i really am, since not that many people know how suicidal i’ve been feeling. 
anyways, i really want to kill myself. to me, i don’t see the reason to keep going anymore. i’m currently a junior, and my grades are dropping so fast and i just can’t seem to do anything about it. i’m in 3 AP classes, which maybe to some doesn’t seem like a lot, but for me right now it’s so fucking stressful, especially my second semester. recently i joined a sport i’ve been doing since freshmen year, but it’s affecting my grades badly, but i can’t and don’t want to drop it since it’s really the only thing that can keep my mind off of all my thoughts. but i’m seriously doing bad academically, and i’ve never felt more stupid than now. i feel like i can’t talk to my friends anymore, i feel so distant from them. i’ve talked to them before about how i don’t want to live, and they were worried about me, but now it feels like they brushed me off and they don’t talk to me as much anymore, like they don’t care. but of course it could be me, and if i brought it up to them about how i feel they’re going to get defensive about it. trust me, i know how they can be. someone told me to find new friends who would care more, but i know it’s going to create extra drama with my current friend group that i’m too tired to deal with. and my parents are constantly disappointed in me and yelling at me how lazy i am because of my dropping grades. but they don’t see how hard i’m trying, how tired i am, how i don’t get any sleep from studying, yet my scores don’t show my hard work because i’m so tired i can’t think straight anymore. and at this point, i don’t have any more motivation to keep studying, to keep working, and to keep living, especially like this. everyday is hard for me to get up in bed because i wished i died in my sleep, and i don’t want to start a whole new day. i just want to be happy again. 
sorry if this post is a mess, i just can’t control my thoughts anymore. i just want to kill myself so badly. ",2.5619364375461906,3.4546615277161905,3.973259423503325,90.91810051736886,74.52106430155213,6.974427198817444,24.97487065779749,7.229369725052465,0.8364081300813004,1643,51,382,17,33,544,181,451,0.157,0.696,0.146,-0.86,3,0,0,0,1,3,46.0,0,0,9,4,32,25,6,1,7,0,38,6,2,13,2,79,87,38,5,11,15,1,9,5,3,1,3,1,1,1,22,15,0,7,18,3,1,4,19,13,0,2,9,13,63,12,50,73,9,40,0,1,2,1,23,14,1,6,23,243,85,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457675369826672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448161633706925,0.0,0.0,0.057224033265129336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347060187443176,0.17418453713871698,0.1271695676571606,0.0,0.05917190684402664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417977075809053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514611617667646,0.07799303110824331,0.05552061344239497,0.0,0.0,0.044846401690058775,0.07169085547295749,0.0,0.0,0.07216969778404124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580307707932888,0.09935624215978196,0.06676760003584599,0.0,0.06355667689354595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117517796602113,0.06428696751209043,0.10899255577895556,0.0,0.11856052552889365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885377448842034,0.0,0.0740247324462639,0.1868777698636215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090438426484897,0.2308012255465877,0.0,0.15286555719153255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986431853803255,0.0,0.12280705148350733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059118911286653086,0.0,0.06579874885959927,0.0,0.07050084462325185,0.06986049252417467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021378306395845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111859576933568,0.0,0.053632165201033526,0.1343209000101697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047120900207743455,0.05288695282168989,0.0,0.0,0.07721396839568223,0.0,0.0,0.04820904880373415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573609836727641,0.0,0.06659839639770493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364390065928666,0.07149687578913602,0.0686606069907217,0.0,0.0,0.05938526329765985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082592267811166,0.12660997481090508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256821230363,0.0,0.1391768872351198,0.0,0.058919511487570464,0.0,0.0,0.07784234852690924,0.04921951281874176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965580058256283,0.0,0.0,0.07606353048413339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767657103491368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619810609046473,0.04455728607281028,0.0,0.11041116463287748,0.0,0.23977187681246045,0.0,0.066446752973482,0.0,0.04721188944898217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460926769320915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763694368018148,0.07996552571944616,0.0,0.0,0.1012493104547668,0.07061944188071106,0.0,0.049397959140607794,0.0,0.0,0.044780336319620695
suicidewatch,disappointedbutnotsu,2019/04/07,"I’m about to commit suicide and nobody can talk me out of it Hi. I’m a 21 year old female and my parents tricked me into going back into their home country for “vacation” because they found out I have a boyfriend and don’t agree with the way I live. We were supposed to stay for 3 weeks but now it’s almost been 4 months. I should add that’s it’s a third world country too with terrorist groups murdering citizens on a daily basis. Being woken up by a bombing is normal here. And on top of that I have no freedom here. I can’t dress the way I want to and can’t leave the house. Every single day I’m stuck in my room without nothing to do but my phone or books and it’s depressing. I also am suffering from endless health problem and being neglected. And if that’s not enough I haven’t paid any of my bills in months, meaning I’m probably in a lot of trouble and that stresses me out to my deepest core. I feel like vomiting. I also went through so much abuse here. One time I got beat up to a point in which I genuinely thought I would die. Another time I was tied up and attached to some medical device that gave me shocks. Whenever I speak up my mother threatens me to get me locked up in a facility in which I would be teached about religion and how to be a good wife. Oh and she also threatens me to get me married off. 

I feel like I was robbed off of my life, my freedom and human rights. The mental pain is so severe it causes me to have literal heartache. I have no one to really talk to about this too. I can’t take any of this any longer. This is a shitshow and I don’t want to be part of it anymore. I have no hopes for things to get better anytime soon. Right now I genuinely believe that death would be the best solution.",3.1419230769230784,4.02218604945055,4.555164835164838,87.33983516483518,73.12087912087912,7.687912087912087,27.461538461538463,8.012643519586192,1.571651648351648,1358,49,295,19,26,453,189,364,0.213,0.674,0.114,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,1,2,25.0,1,0,2,4,18,16,2,1,15,0,31,5,0,2,1,50,54,24,4,10,6,3,2,2,0,4,5,1,2,2,18,23,0,1,5,1,2,2,11,10,0,3,12,3,44,6,54,32,7,43,0,3,0,0,16,26,0,6,14,209,62,2,0.0,0.12983792777064684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973153843581893,0.0,0.0,0.2629004401563001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356057936317256,0.11490732306287778,0.0,0.0,0.1086768834025524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426255759833423,0.0,0.06680077552789927,0.0,0.0,0.12346250759753925,0.11500059060544995,0.09691725229723942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257192001711636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067196502408493,0.0,0.09438367144949207,0.0,0.11372984599393525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322852533197884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232839802704547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081690790127297,0.15657222444219293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015209585983933,0.0,0.0,0.1717577731906071,0.0,0.062278540363343314,0.0919130155466546,0.08764353024028404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648159741496945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992067700727966,0.10884063813548207,0.0,0.12644406123152413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160325672389191,0.0,0.0,0.07740170883476973,0.10707343043061544,0.0,0.09676379062846116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931635420738446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936800492460913,0.0,0.11039333690985524,0.11043388292697184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493619934168414,0.0,0.08055610876561481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736806664060423,0.10514783742263883,0.0,0.11498891749527886,0.0,0.1485125444132674,0.0,0.1166040309154128,0.0,0.12167894564972627,0.11866770282555344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359134890551963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814900089560805,0.1048561249635348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070201671461853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716655484306668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379759073068215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680089024508955,0.0,0.0,0.12552694844153475,0.0,0.0,0.1198660084957208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239277309705066,0.17615731797072645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280207139847364,0.0,0.0,0.08699665604311915,0.12779744912875174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292697771460484,0.17396375863024785,0.08790086718203427,0.0,0.0,0.1015845325397582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563409494403336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353384278900224,0.0,0.0,0.0705678547861851
suicidewatch,Balaclava_,2019/04/07,"You're not worthless. Posted byu/Balaclava\_[5 minutes ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression_help/comments/bakivj/feeling_depressed/)

## Feeling Depressed?

📷**PROVIDING SUPPORT**

Dear Reader,

I want to share the following with you because I recognise that you are depressed.

I know...well *at least I think* I know, that the following will apply not only to yourself, but to others too whom are depressed.

I am not so naive enough to assume that the sensations within your mind are the same as those of others who are depressed. I am also not so naive enough to ever believe that that I will ever fully understand the aches, torments, and darkness you often experience. I don’t know what your first thought is when you wake up; nor do I have the slightest clue of the thoughts you have on a day to day basis. I don’t know how long you’ve had these thoughts -  and I don't know how/or/if they come and go. Truth is, I *don’t* know.

That being said, I’m not writing to you as a person of authority. I am not educated within this field. Some of what I write, is from a place of non-wilful ignorance. Despite my ignorance and lack of deeper level of understanding; I carry on to write because I want to understand. I want to understand because I want to help. I do, however, ask for your forgiveness in advance. I ask that you forgive me  for anything which I write which has, or may miss the point of what depression for yourself, (not others) really is.

That being said, my letter begins.

i) Worthiness

My understanding has led me to conclude that your depression is deeply interlinked with feelings of inadequacy, perceived worthlessness, and the presumption of being a burden. In this part of the letter, I’d like to talk about the perception of yourself being worthless. I’ll move on to talk about perceptions, inadequacy, and presumptions of being a burden at a later stage.

Now - on the perception of being worthless.

The objective of this section is to tell you that you are **not** worthless. This is a difficult task because you **believe** that you are worthless. Your belief is flat out wrong.

It's very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to convince someone/\[you\] that they are flat out wrong. Our minds will go to extreme lengths to always be right because it's counterintuitive to tell ourselves otherwise.  I’m not referring to situations where its socially acceptable to “be wrong” and its encouraged to think alternatively as such in discussions or debates. I’m referring to situations whereby we are alone. We spend most of our time alone. I can’t think of any logical reason as to why anyone, in their solitude, would spend time trying to convince themselves against a belief they *already* have. I legitimately believe that *Kendrick Lamar* is better rapper than *Lil Pump*. I have no reason, in solitude, and with no one around, to spend time comparing the two and trying to make a strong argument for *Lil Pump* being the better rapper. I simply wouldn’t do that because my mind was made up a long time ago, and the only time I’ll revisit that belief, is if it comes up in conversation on or offline.

We hold a belief about everything. And not in just the traditional sense of religion or politics; but in *every sense* possible. We have beliefs about very mundane words/items such as “chair”, fork” or “fridge”. Our beliefs, and the things which we believe to be true, are created by our surroundings. Life happens at such a fast pace that we often don’t get a chance to scrutinise the sources of those beliefs.  At this basic level, I hold the beliefs that, i) The most optimal way to sit down is on a *chair*, ii) The most optimal/efficient way to eat spaghetti is through use of a *fork*, and iii) The most optimal/efficient way to store food is in a *fridge*. I hold these beliefs because the immediate society im part of has given me tools to test these hypotheses. On large - they have all checked out. For instance; when offered spaghetti and am give western cutlery such as a knife/ fork/spoon; the fork has consistently proved to be the superior means of eating; thereby confirming my belief.

Equally; when I’ve left food outside the fridge, its gone off. Even if you haven’t personally measured this phenomena; its probable that at some stage in your life you were *told* that leaving food outside means it will go off. You believe this to be real and have no immediate reason to question it. It's not contentious. We can objectively confirm this belief by comparing food in and out of a fridge and checking how quickly microbes and bacteria spread. Some beliefs can be measured; yet some, are more subjective. For instance; *forks*. In China, people believe that the most optimal way to eat noodles in through *chopsticks*. Why is this? Why when presented with a very similar food, people have different beliefs on the best way to consume it? I mean - it's not like spaghetti is massively different to noodles so why don't we largely use chopsticks to eat Spaghetti in Europe or the US? And why aren’t people in China or Japan largely eating noodles with forks? I’ve specifically used this example to highlight that some beliefs aren’t necessarily right or wrong. We just don't question them because they aren't immediately contentious in the societies we are part of.

Unfortunately, our brains are overwhelmed with the information provided by the world to the extent that we don't find time to revisit our beliefs. This can particularly damaging for abstract beliefs. Abstract beliefs include “love”, “pain”, “space”, “worthiness”, and things of a more conceptual nature.  Some of the abstract beliefs we have - we hold without scrutiny because the information which we created those beliefs from, was drip-fed to us through social cues.

“Worthiness”, is one of such beliefs. It’s an abstract belief we do not actively talk about and have (unfortunately) largely relied on parents, peers, siblings, and strangers to define it on our behalf.  When we don’t meet their \[and society’s\] unrealistic and ever changing expectations; - we feel worthless.

Earlier, I stressed the point that it’s difficult to go against a belief you hold because it's counterintuitive to do so in your own solitude.That being said, I’d like you to challenge the view of you have of being “worthless”. Your belief is wrong. The mere fact these words have been written for you; is an indicator that you, yes you - are of value and indeed not worthless.

**Expectations**

Together, we’ve established that feelings of “worthiness” are deeply intertwined with our inability to meet society's \[and yourself’s own\] expectations. In this part of the letter I’d like to talk about *why you shouldn’t care for expectations.* I can immediately think of two types of expectations which we should revisit.

a) *Expectations of yourself to yourself*

Having expectations for yourself isn’t inherently a bad thing. Expecting yourself to meet specific targets  gives you drive. However, what you expect of yourself can also be detrimental to your health. I’ll elaborate:

If you grow up with someone, you don’t notice them changing until you look at photos of them in the past. If you live with someone who goes to the gym; you may not notice their incremental gains until a situation arises whereby their physique is put into question (i.e - them trying on a new shirt).The same applies for your mind; you’ve grown up with your mind since birth, and into your adulthood. In the same way you don’t notice the people you see everyday changing; you’ve probably never paid attention to the wisdom you’ve accumulated over the years and just how much you’ve changed. You aren’t the same as you were yesterday and you’ll be different tomorrow, wiser. For instance, last night I was turned away from a club because I was “dressed too casual”. This morning; I’ve woken up with knowledge that the club in question has a dress code which I didn’t meet, I’m now wiser.

I went to the off licence yesterday and bought some toothpaste. On my journey, I walked past new strangers, I took a new route, and everything which happened was happening for the first time - I’m now wiser. You are the wisest you’ve ever been and will carry on to be so. That being said, why should you hold yourself to the expectations you gave yourself when you were less wise? Think about it; if a 12 year old comes up to you and said *“You should be married by the age of 30, own this property, have x amount of children, own this type of car and earn x amount of money”* \- You may think “F\*\*k off - what do you know?”. You wouldn't hold yourself to that 12 year old’s expectations so why are we insistent on holding on to some of the expectations we created when were younger? Its okay to have expectations of yourself, however; it’s not okay to suffocate yourself because of them.

You are too hard on yourself. The only consistent expectation you should hold of yourself is staying alive. We may not know the immediate purpose of our existence but your body definitively knows that you should be alive - hence why your heart is beating. You’ve met and continue to meet your own expectation to be alive. For that, you should be proud yourself.

\-------

Ill talk about societal expectations and the other mentioned topics at a later stage. live.",4.867903249176642,7.5075996225284625,5.236632479234952,76.9477769553997,72.24745356500898,8.317862443559411,31.639473364740343,9.061647067312856,3.1427532599458803,7386,346,1229,165,153,2344,546,1669,0.079,0.8109999999999999,0.11,0.9918,11,2,1,0,0,0,310.0,32,61,14,13,51,62,0,2,89,3,147,20,4,13,10,289,231,81,0,37,39,1,5,4,0,20,5,5,0,4,93,78,10,11,77,4,9,22,46,33,0,6,33,13,155,29,235,155,41,172,23,18,3,1,164,81,0,39,61,880,248,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298020994654284,0.0,0.0,0.07358482066679388,0.03920189418614357,0.0568174611501005,0.029559022500662356,0.0,0.0,0.02415770876060404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02483938217854597,0.0,0.029233431592216863,0.03162411484045902,0.06642075825813908,0.0,0.03337620306611813,0.0,0.029661265615878712,0.2598630431723028,0.0,0.0,0.2401419945235555,0.037280509601348336,0.06283662606915871,0.0,0.039459434332014064,0.0,0.03965681253052255,0.0,0.0,0.03621934131498513,0.0,0.15031978823267042,0.09180298974112712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582040590844917,0.0,0.18358191124889112,0.0,0.0,0.11134584357969753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18175088632360145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341209473032573,0.0,0.02346343265325282,0.12853487480427864,0.029930713494624936,0.0,0.06385381210505582,0.03474953390654847,0.0,0.0,0.07184851446857447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03246852170639124,0.06043381926122236,0.2147803257237005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0185599548629193,0.06815619685193118,0.080757001672774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094241933134179,0.0,0.03182275109307536,0.0,0.0,0.0377606174711538,0.0,0.042096408307056014,0.02381115652976164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038372286916621284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757087930797398,0.02895700580630836,0.0,0.037615052359693,0.038597202497688006,0.0,0.05018365791312121,0.06942141827624126,0.0,0.06273712868073303,0.06287568824930143,0.02983142370790724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03206202335696784,0.033613905100476245,0.023712713296763263,0.0,0.0,0.11608897041981255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934683269536103,0.0,0.0,0.03775665668464948,0.02611441185191132,0.0,0.027398492260808382,0.1029286285272666,0.0,0.033337102949682736,0.0,0.0,0.12133378515839525,0.07455345090250759,0.0,0.048144303509838685,0.0810533806803059,0.03780030755678532,0.0,0.03944547656402719,0.15387720745664898,0.06782383418980026,0.09851217049313456,0.06203681122659775,0.037115281193232506,0.0,0.06716379902323441,0.04004825522345909,0.0340224125102002,0.0,0.07660230158973963,0.0,0.0,0.03571168397428672,0.15918116426220127,0.0,0.0,0.04043437472249075,0.02275774474883682,0.10957453930703166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060675032259769626,0.16895848767862467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028308228592034124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029386027405630018,0.11979223911000085,0.0,0.07242500014675163,0.06019916493961355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786412476060568,0.0,0.0,0.04069290933172666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040312498890062894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276523601706206,0.06209952208590725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080220129687456,0.13657503325317827,0.0,0.08460686124720651,0.14500133446847396,0.0,0.0,0.033944944051311765,0.039468749807810184,0.07235590337463113,0.0386401838859884,0.06940406242171028,0.18490998985588006,0.0854625995884495,0.09204464058772756,0.0,0.0879336820703572,0.08381249422607799,0.16918498087072212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032931336445827464,0.2884959985847071,0.0,0.0,0.034244110139414766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02523540856761065,0.19420095810399635,0.0,0.06862935852900531
suicidewatch,earthenstarr,2019/04/07,Losing myself and becoming empty feels like suicide But what else can I do? Maybe I'll become so lost even the pain can't find me. Then I can't hate myself. Then no one can hurt me again by leaving me at my most vulnerable. Goodbye hahahaha ,1.0127210884353737,3.495682959183675,3.2480612244897955,86.32134353741499,86.75510204081633,5.715646258503401,20.41156462585034,7.1686216300943375,0.7274054421768708,191,6,38,3,6,65,40,49,0.368,0.544,0.08800000000000001,-0.9476,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,8,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,1,8,1,2,7,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5305136893267836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006372294865823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586347736572903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144080747659446,0.1715826377469973,0.0,0.0,0.21951760716333804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371252583035837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571146571818945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25431297310028456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733844678618335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686968488406283,0.2621817826341502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412902767060244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627502847310867,0.0,0.2555654716879327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627148715191583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zmrly,2019/04/07,"Someone who takes medication and go to psychiatrist/psychologist please help me I’m suicidal since when I was 8 years ago and also have bipolar disorder been under therapy my whole life and I’m 24 now, I had a few attempts but not constantly. 

I’m so frustrated, feeling so worthless and stupid to don’t absorb what therapy gives me and my meds makes me feel numb but the thoughts are still in the back of my head. I’m a complete failure and my brain is fucked I can’t change it, I can’t walk away. 

My friends keep saying that I lie to my therapists and need to go to a mental ward. I don’t want to because I have tried before and that place made me worse. Please someone identify with me, I can’t be alone ",1.6261609195402291,3.887383662068963,3.235172413793105,89.0854022988506,81.34482758620689,6.9011494252873575,24.83908045977012,8.021203637495839,1.4934045977011494,561,22,119,11,15,185,92,145,0.249,0.6629999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9849,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,3,0,5,0,13,7,2,2,0,20,30,14,1,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,9,0,1,3,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,5,3,19,1,11,24,2,14,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,0,7,73,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948833129709136,0.0,0.0,0.15129158262613726,0.0,0.11681761999695725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724402772657754,0.11232409608339007,0.0,0.08904710398903275,0.0,0.12430065712359235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307009720982446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545299591387684,0.0,0.15315881874870435,0.1578572014869863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741674828871878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477217089718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285862724235668,0.13504571227186246,0.0,0.1401302441735841,0.16603770289174682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991701158507895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791224665366248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983983369832958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317841314072727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822146618863035,0.0975074448919894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225847166646776,0.1471570782498271,0.14721112710440984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831414801785584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261923805631292,0.3206970739429427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161661899552497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083629620909198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475409154756817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166571769114901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978438631765385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983162659322164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33410326266636386,0.16960650470286914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596871767056513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917660585155363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615992252481908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163089608417581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488648100146984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406871482807767
suicidewatch,juschillen123,2019/04/07,I’m fucking it all up and I can’t stop 18 addicted to meth I can’t control my fucking emotions I’m so sick of this pain I keep screaming at my family smashing my own shit self destructing I can’t express to them why I’m hurting so bad and I don’t know . but I know why it’s all because of a fucking girl I’m so hurt I don’t know how to be myself anymore and I hate myself so bad and I have no friends and I don’t know how to act and it’s all falling apart and I’ll never have my reputation back or my trust I don’t know what the fuck to do I feel no matter what if I change I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life I can’t forgive myself ,-1.829097246427328,-0.01506207284768202,1.5756988497734419,97.9207389334263,93.56953642384106,4.238550017427676,19.205646566747998,5.750287758089431,-0.34533907284768217,501,17,128,4,19,180,72,151,0.314,0.611,0.076,-0.9898,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,7,17,8,0,3,0,12,9,1,3,4,27,29,16,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,6,7,0,3,7,0,0,2,11,14,0,0,0,2,25,3,11,28,5,8,0,2,0,4,6,3,5,2,3,82,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397085692003526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007068041492649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860371963908756,0.2358565638404644,0.08609770346264699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941164846487626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841103311635962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887434806396378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331471262338385,0.0,0.07141444990519938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912054616296776,0.5222910198412196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788876364090795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023975579007544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553930446491554,0.0,0.0,0.3881050412217409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997609581938894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893186964322296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502877653285869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473426008981753,0.0,0.14497933234362664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808174424189286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548916294068733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NotHereCo,2019/04/07,"I'm done with this shit This is it. I'm never going to be happy. It's just... Not going to happen. I'm done. I don't care how many years ahead of me I supposedly have and how ""it'll all get better someday"". Someday isn't good enough. I want actual hope. This isn't it. ",-2.4160000000000004,-0.7405239333333284,1.1066666666666691,97.815,105.0,3.733333333333334,11.0,5.6839178017228535,-1.3032999999999997,204,3,50,2,10,73,39,60,0.16899999999999998,0.677,0.153,-0.0015,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,0,0,9,1,1,2,2,10,19,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,4,5,5,15,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.23922847395337024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681293048898825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499440858660968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017417536177138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25330276922091643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807938475703573,0.0,0.27864580397597205,0.20561798625524733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21678301309260806,0.26096393797067763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434866564115083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485409596920637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907276757691333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516402564046873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459427265196784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786687129335766
suicidewatch,willbunbunforfun,2019/04/07,"Destined to die All my life I have felt that I will die young. As I get older, I am realizing that I am meant to take my own life. I just turned 24, and I can feel it in my body that I will not turn 25.   


I've had a pretty good growing up. Upper middle class family in Europe, popular kid in school, never had problems landing a job, intelligent, good looking. Though I have suffered several traumatic events during my youth and adult life, I have always had this feelings, even before the trauma. I have always doubted the reason for my existence.  


Does anyone feel the same? Did it change for you? The feeling has only gotten stronger for me the last couple of years.",3.91,5.442655384615384,5.001538461538463,82.35846153846154,72.07692307692308,7.353846153846155,25.30769230769231,7.908726449838941,1.4717538461538462,520,16,98,7,10,171,88,130,0.136,0.7020000000000001,0.161,0.1576,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,7,0,14,4,1,1,2,17,26,4,2,1,2,0,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,7,6,18,3,11,17,3,15,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,1,7,66,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256595832020247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781279957464897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312038057918921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126964166769326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631119192532716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060761623636572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200484661437871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493216549813464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018406312924849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535602495654465,0.0,0.3118511335932964,0.0,0.14804598491958518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805575871157832,0.0,0.0,0.2586534729496207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300916783410018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568492407890555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267255570379969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294802456087216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892035532644712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726797152629607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686603153834303,0.0,0.1475384129252674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585323628405564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604788433377706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419011113302652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593122465166415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514902829835351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33542753768052924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929290541983332
suicidewatch,scybert42,2019/04/07,I I I me me me I don’t see any posts that refer to the suffering of others. People are lonely. They should not be. People are poor. They should not be. All I read is I I I I me me me me.,-5.4835238095238115,-7.104855844444442,-0.7008730158730163,105.81250000000004,151.88888888888889,2.174603174603175,5.436507936507937,4.65589566412798,-2.4533492063492064,137,1,39,1,14,52,25,45,0.214,0.7859999999999999,0.0,-0.8271,0,2,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,18,0,2,5,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,34,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30603187677734417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.623980211041129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43099876963369854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45014596645076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586110094343924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kalehead007,2019/04/07,"My Reason Why I have 3 reasons why I can’t  kill myself. I can’t leave my dog by herself, l don’t want to hurt my family, i don’t want to scar the person who would find me. I fight it every day- the urge to just end it- no one but you guys understand the intense pain I feel almost every moment of every day. ",-0.8714130434782597,1.0500119130434804,2.138967391304348,95.08932065217392,89.28985507246377,4.6094202898550725,14.422101449275365,5.985473137389443,-0.7740594202898552,238,4,56,2,8,84,49,69,0.213,0.73,0.057,-0.882,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,0,6,1,0,2,0,11,10,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,1,13,0,5,9,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,34,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559440305523853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390620116760209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641590279501403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684788209790332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472503714520554,0.0,0.09371507117980292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940029145060778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835188690772671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984136872921885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505474685865094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962516461415481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559332266500753,0.0,0.1972181910512291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618344992341205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3811272768956695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929487671596031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864039695877546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344867491762609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316624638745694,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AverageGenZ,2019/04/07,No one is here for me I don’t know why. I have friends people like me but I feel the only person well not even a person loves me truly. She recently had had kittens and everyone is hawking over them and I feel I force people to like me. I’ve tried to end it with choking myself so I don’t make noise but I can’t I’m to much of a coward. I have my grades doing well but my parents always criticize that I’m not getting A’s. Really the only advice that would help is how to I get them to see I’m doing well and I like how I live because I don’t hurt myself doing it or anyone else,-0.8120356234096668,1.0990696793893129,2.3182900763358774,93.99662086514,88.84732824427479,4.714707379134861,16.366921119592874,6.079149491110277,-0.4548630025445295,452,10,105,4,15,161,74,131,0.154,0.6629999999999999,0.183,0.2624,1,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,2,0,8,9,0,0,5,0,15,1,0,3,0,17,26,10,0,1,6,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,1,3,1,2,3,23,8,9,23,1,3,0,1,1,1,9,1,0,1,5,76,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336415849597966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910527695713346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689456704169753,0.1712933568737488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019100022409872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965555495812526,0.0,0.1480698619243207,0.0,0.0,0.1104193245065071,0.0,0.0,0.1597455004963819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906018295912364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916111181560547,0.0,0.17468694449963165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205571915200943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896723468765266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187651709619724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24502380658537898,0.0,0.14762101250867024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508844427713113,0.0,0.1115924435754748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289487898834853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328396724712955,0.2542924182194742,0.0,0.0,0.18563110272074,0.0,0.0,0.23179999879543994,0.2919463188276917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709834488389317,0.0,0.16506785564819826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321901894328586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350271566192817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450938612537037,0.0,0.15085191288135155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875827415623225,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snaccidental_weight,2019/04/07,Absolution People keep saying it gets better. I’m still waiting for it to get better. I’m. Tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of being alone. I can’t keep going on like this.  My soul aches from feeling disconnected from everything and anyone. ,2.0268012422360258,4.877884847826088,3.6467701863354063,80.62152173913044,91.82608695652172,5.237267080745342,21.7888198757764,6.868970318607317,1.1846124223602486,197,7,32,3,7,65,34,46,0.231,0.564,0.205,-0.34,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,13,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,3,7,12,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416500921075585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631434020481118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127067604363304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969378516904635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594812057423675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438010862292146,0.0,0.1326016474302727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147726823635052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398880889208515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617553379736917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855461488022041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633037645809625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363361157678456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RememberTheSubHuman,2019/04/07,"I wish this pain would stop This joke of an existence has to come to an end. Already took my sedative med so I'll feel relatively numb within a few minutes. Too bad I'd have to regain my dreaded consciousness at some point. I wish it'd have never come to this, but I reckon it's natural we all wish for the better, especially when we are at our absolute worst. I don't know how many more days I have to endure waiting till my consciousness goes away temporarily or permanently, but it's getting too much. If you are looking to help this poor soul just please pray G-d would claim me in my sleep, and if you don't believe in G-d just pray too hard for him to exist then pray for him to claim me. I am too subhuman to live.",4.644782928623988,4.514361543046363,5.801015452538634,83.35522442972777,69.33112582781457,9.360117733627668,28.698307579102288,9.150863307647796,2.0291848417954386,567,18,126,10,9,190,96,151,0.131,0.684,0.185,0.8427,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,2,0,1,9,7,0,1,4,0,12,3,1,1,2,28,23,11,0,7,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,5,1,1,3,3,5,0,0,1,3,19,2,20,19,6,17,4,0,1,0,8,7,0,4,7,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837484550422666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644207699391974,0.0,0.13902929551405366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760029075358892,0.0,0.14726498808261235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28686806906311185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738548442466636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747886220415646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419270168422714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699485324668474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916068393996204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116084647424964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091509805091554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703180430688526,0.0,0.1398268663246558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881549169850713,0.0,0.0,0.18495560599498226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224043616193997,0.0,0.12842314709350253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717889040517038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277850469915569,0.1574062243866113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663073171123038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392102169870118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499926981075085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5744365027992455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23656853491012345,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nothereforlong22,2019/04/07,"I don’t want to keep fighting I guess I’m here, pathetic but yeah. Throwaway account because people I know are on Reddit and I don’t want them knowing I’m struggling. Also sorry if this is a little scattered, I didn’t sleep much last night and so I’m kinda off brain wise, haha. I’ve been doing well lately, was at a high point for a little while. But today after an argument with a friend I self harmed again after nearly a year “clean”. I guess I reached a numbness point again because I’m curled up in a corner just not really feeling. I was abused as a kid and I’m afraid I’m just continuing the cycle now because I’m always ending up in an argument somehow, and it’s always my fault. I don’t know. I haven’t eaten today and I don’t intend to, I’m fat enough as it is. I just want to sleep and not wake up. 19f if anyone cares, I don’t know why you would though.",-0.21781206171107925,1.9735591075268808,2.2821926133707358,93.10415848527352,89.64516129032258,4.310051425899953,17.226741467975693,5.7926816847441245,-0.3840436652641421,678,17,146,5,23,232,105,186,0.174,0.6629999999999999,0.163,-0.4804,0,0,0,0,3,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,12,11,1,2,11,2,15,7,5,1,0,31,36,16,0,6,9,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,3,7,2,1,5,0,1,0,9,6,1,0,5,1,17,5,18,30,2,29,0,0,0,0,6,15,0,6,14,91,20,0,0.0,0.16013709720581112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808375760876286,0.22492030854200928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450382710501093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247168507719048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087817112284213,0.0,0.0,0.13779998008344582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970760476633042,0.1396517002303618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683386521078068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442075871121433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977779123889685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142799144323673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013236627982887,0.0,0.0,0.2971115837598303,0.11016972364802807,0.15246122478744076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27092251766094105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935480056881753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268342260162925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369976536758932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555311563300322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658403657485578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099660162343042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705060979654105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129545124044325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412938126803361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278953489425507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25622311015750243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391545431760609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215209732800564,0.0,0.12195676372464875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601054772842142,0.0,0.0,0.0870356729773352
suicidewatch,whiteandyellowcat,2019/04/07,"How can you minimise pain of family and friends if you commit suicide? I will be doing it by knot. Should I try not to have them see me hanging, (currently planning to do it in my room or somewhere else in the house). Should I write reasons for why? Say something before I do it? ",2.337142857142858,4.236899857142856,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,77.21428571428572,5.908571428571428,27.271428571428572,6.742157984588678,1.20389,216,9,44,2,5,70,46,56,0.135,0.779,0.086,-0.6174,1,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,2,1,10,10,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,1,7,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,2,1,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594089187231216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546670059683204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28738990486050714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355300055445876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35176142391473497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243869229563893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134414324255194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424327145633128,0.0,0.0,0.2429297474239115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23469206238935084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334615909736248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697634817006685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750839736350392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway47fnwg,2019/04/07,"I'm going to send myself to prison for life before I murder or rape someone. Happy birthday to me. It's my 23rd birthday today but my life ended last year when I had a psychotic episode and attacked elderly neighbours back in October.

​

When I go back to the psych ward tonight, I'm going to tell my doctor about every single depraved, murderous, sexually sadistic, and even paedophilic and necrophilic urge I have, my near-complete misanthropy, and I'd rather just spend the rest of my life in solitary confinement before I start acting on my urges and begin molesting and murdering everyone, including innocent kids.

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There's nearly 8 billion people and the world can do with one less psychopath like me. I'm just like my abusers that raped me and molested me when I was a child and teenager. With my last shred of empathy, I just want to be locked up the rest of my life because I can't even trust myself or my own mind, and I know I'm going to escalate as I feel emptier and emptier and less in control. I need to stop myself.

​

This is a fate worse than death and I deserve it.",7.9572598627787325,7.320551938679247,7.789571183533447,73.54204974271012,62.632075471698116,10.916638078902233,38.14065180102917,10.230975488527342,3.9245698113207546,889,40,157,17,11,285,127,212,0.264,0.685,0.052000000000000005,-0.9954,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,13,12,8,0,7,0,8,7,0,1,0,30,22,20,4,3,7,0,1,2,1,0,5,0,0,2,4,15,0,3,2,0,1,6,1,8,0,2,2,1,29,4,23,19,6,27,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,2,16,107,33,2,0.0,0.13298912253607972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648444184958083,0.40916112010128297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769215712568122,0.0,0.1726152564209631,0.0,0.06842204488874593,0.0,0.1910203647377131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768422668548348,0.0,0.1258896158997148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488505340950385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941362492858033,0.0,0.0,0.14827035250384166,0.0,0.09456922834187896,0.1072526107878216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056753229187333123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25516021637003633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948433087317685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061685595513109724,0.18298539356141105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31712106061681244,0.10967212589105066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333302546634055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322646291424335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605848809451697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781488359350666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510278757950616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944588735015318,0.0,0.0,0.09383983637339884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810497643362827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639285708269668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620359138608388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438479475351401,0.0,0.0,0.40916112010128297,0.07228055198051236
suicidewatch,Secry508,2019/04/07,"Extremely toxic person. I've recently been in a very dark place, harming myself and biting any loving hand.

I was staying in bed a lot, and when I wasn't, I was constantly judging others, unironically agreeing with incel ideas, just actually pushing everyone. 

I know I'm a very kind person, but I'm just so fucking bitter I cannot stand myself at all. If only I was just a piece of shit overal I could just end myself, but no people like me I support people and all that bullshit. Nobody really gives enough of a shit to contact me if I would be gone for a week, but there's a few people who do enjoy me. 

I'm always very close with my female friends but recently I've been this incel piece of shit disgusting rat that is so full of hate and spite and just so fucking awful... I don't get how anyone can love me right now. 

It's always gonna be hard for me to find love, I'm quite eccentric, mostly in bad ways, but now that I'm being this toxic cunt I might as well just quit. I've been working on myself through therapy for 4 fucking years. 25% of my life fucking wasted on therapy, and before that I didn't really life either, getting bullied and ridiculed constantly, having an awful home etc.

I'm going to start new treatment and school soon I guess but I feel I'm past saving. I've grown to be this disgusting monster. It's not just me being sad, it's me being a genuinely awful person.

I haven't felt this alone and disgusting in quite some time. I think I just need someone or something to hold on to to keep me going or else I'll be fucking gone soon. Maybe not dead but just gone, old me goes byebye. ",3.2741945288753773,4.576732066869305,4.8214273556231015,83.93474285714284,73.3161094224924,7.330869300911853,24.71015197568389,7.839951260653429,1.3285130942249244,1266,38,251,17,25,426,168,329,0.243,0.647,0.109,-0.9956,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,21,29,16,0,9,3,25,14,4,1,2,55,59,26,1,5,23,0,4,1,1,3,2,0,2,3,13,12,0,2,6,0,0,7,8,19,1,0,12,5,32,10,28,36,12,40,0,1,0,8,10,13,9,9,18,162,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.08641604307392342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171535759116957,0.0,0.0,0.14736823677098704,0.0,0.0,0.0602198354901193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191909685191676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393898790310137,0.0,0.0,0.07535303034722902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139107981304213,0.0,0.07070325586514196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397560085299552,0.0,0.07843266246986062,0.09150007377468546,0.0987612474979514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461725268519159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477562177339978,0.0,0.08502583844347825,0.0,0.08093685767728243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841669030827514,0.40933426622864494,0.09253174128597233,0.08494917714938248,0.10065468963970037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755234238866327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932709408241477,0.08742885607679539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882699855041631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996681805370243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871096706448885,0.0,0.09221548467837123,0.04866702623114151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509678189137255,0.04326306800775299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528554264814974,0.2397706410616595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896451194521404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394192292282964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566175490535388,0.0,0.08552611699174258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292264827472478,0.0,0.0,0.06734939557465977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453492377306017,0.18417682197200694,0.2319661150454169,0.09252020337586414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825646079355209,0.0,0.0,0.1134600684594736,0.0,0.17487301248779366,0.0,0.0,0.07562473116241113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962149301122352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27269858237074923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503161506810553,0.06817328481429058,0.0,0.0,0.06267905904879388,0.09438690509339567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049016135644913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025386982932401,0.0,0.0,0.05674190183670881,0.0,0.0,0.05163661713871514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919925936655596,0.0,0.07029013537940011,0.0710327703061891,0.0,0.07962078515302824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446845107970559,0.0,0.0,0.06290630322299914,0.0,0.0,0.05702594730546759
suicidewatch,ItsYaBoiHitler,2019/04/07,"The hell is wrong with me Hey guys and girls,

For ages now ive being experiencing episodes of extreme rage and dispair that last at max usually a few seconds. My hands tend to go in front of my face and tense up, along with my facial muscles. My hands tense so hard they shake and by the end i feel drained. I never used to mind until i realised that in those moments i wanted to kill, intimately, to tear someone apart in essence. Then over time i began saying ""no"" during these episodes (my theory is my conscience is fighting my sub-conscience over whether i should give in to the urges) then things like laughing (psuedo bulbar affect i think) and murmering things like ""kill them/them all/the liars/usurpers/traitors"" or things like ""i've seen/I've seen it"" 

I cant empathise with anyone, i try but its never easy or particularly genuine and i just feel like a shell inside. Like im just experiencing life, that its not as real as id like it to be.

Whats wrong with me? Please help",3.1840871685461742,5.2343287253886,3.6335019811033256,89.23300822919843,75.21761658031087,5.9919536726607765,24.824443767144164,6.794906146795322,0.7952843035659853,776,26,158,7,17,242,123,193,0.149,0.733,0.118,-0.5145,0,0,0,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,1,0,4,15,5,1,5,0,8,5,4,2,2,29,18,16,2,2,7,0,5,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,13,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,8,0,1,2,9,21,7,26,13,1,25,1,0,1,0,8,9,1,2,19,94,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838073934295588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728543178608812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674695656325288,0.11073319102856134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869168147016992,0.08809099483133682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347597690344178,0.0,0.0,0.13885100952201934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389432115326004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674283521389458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34297266271370896,0.0,0.0,0.12634701120531974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948223084742677,0.4543557837872148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650745406324332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390936156756289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014523684148636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642578208240295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326351257215147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313323728643115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089285743303157,0.0993187818532847,0.0,0.0,0.09038269334010568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523592800069996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387163614816502,0.1707123901744401,0.0,0.0914239736832626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389398861715746,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_YOUR_BOOK_IDEA,2019/04/07,I want to run my car into a brick wall. But I don't want to have to have someone else clean me up or my family to have to worry about a funeral.,2.3082352941176474,1.4818151176470593,5.2694117647058825,87.56235294117648,74.29411764705883,9.15294117647059,22.882352941176467,8.841846274778883,1.0794588235294116,110,2,29,2,2,41,24,34,0.156,0.6920000000000001,0.153,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38421077672764303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335791287540189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896954505544785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.542554829992892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670791479222479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PrimaryButton,2019/04/07,I am cursed Like literally. How do I live? Or do I just finally hang myself?,-1.6895833333333314,-0.03395912499999909,2.715,85.09666666666669,109.0,7.133333333333333,17.833333333333332,7.793537801064563,1.399858333333334,58,2,13,2,3,22,13,16,0.0,0.8079999999999999,0.192,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7354812341127032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32801005330907657,0.0,0.5928547538784115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,letusallpray,2019/04/07,"Suicidal thoughts are back I already have a plan about how I will die. I’ll overdose on medication or cut myself until I bleed out into the bath.

I don’t have a reason to fight it any more. Sometimes I think I have the actual ability of being invisible because of how often I go unnoticed at school and in my own house. Friends don’t care, sister doesn’t care, mother doesn’t care, and my father doesn’t care. What’s the point anymore? Why live on if nothing matters any more.

I’m already giving in cutting my thighs. I think I’ll be dead by 16. ",2.917311507936507,4.448573330357148,4.540119047619047,84.6771031746032,74.625,7.120634920634919,26.73015873015873,7.793537801064563,1.5550861111111112,431,16,87,6,9,145,75,112,0.16699999999999998,0.659,0.174,0.2239,0,0,0,0,1,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,3,0,5,0,12,3,1,3,0,14,22,7,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,12,5,13,18,3,11,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,3,2,55,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.1515695672128237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34279817838373033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124536783191603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403535100817675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943121876644915,0.0,0.09468141323066982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6334349134294669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16119726844660565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999957150651153,0.0,0.0,0.14899675520439007,0.0882717329094771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921801532118445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13715009105594828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646820066496397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903338721219234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682726712880195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969446226811695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719177163733475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361509922310068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989448090994674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904511241889272,0.0,0.12330644779812255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015182009692687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZkyZerfer,2019/04/07,"A vicious cycle My mind keeps racing. All I think about is failure and negativity. No matter how good things get, I keep getting sucked into my void. One moment ok then all of a sudden I’ll space out engage in a battle with myself. My coping mechanism is to essentially become braid dead, I don’t think of anything, I have no opinions, no reactions, just existing, just numb to everything. I’m sick of it, it’s just mental self torment.

I’ve also had trouble perceiving and relationships, friends, acquaintances, romantic interests. None of them work, I just keep falling out of connections. Since I’m a basically conscious vegetable, no one will deal with my non-existent shit. I’m tired of being alone. Being alone with my loud mind. I don’t hear voices, I only hear one, and its my voice telling me to do it, today I might.

I’ve had several attempts throughout my life, but never have I had the balls to do it. I’m currently planning for the least messiest way. If I’m going I want to at least make cleanup easy.",3.652524886877828,5.772410825641027,4.979939668174963,79.78927601809957,74.07692307692307,7.870286576168928,28.393665158371054,8.671277953709913,2.393959276018099,801,33,145,16,17,266,122,195,0.173,0.7390000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.8793,1,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,3,7,11,4,0,6,1,15,6,1,2,3,33,33,8,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,4,5,0,1,6,9,1,3,4,1,0,2,9,6,0,3,3,5,20,5,21,26,5,15,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,3,6,94,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992791109820139,0.0,0.11554203100022364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889619813696528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956877980994538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489543758201929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298509118215284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162626843295308,0.0,0.15097153844793926,0.0,0.0821123278116085,0.12118446608878122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256829438771737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38526614625328864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020517573459407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644271318621528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456036564682504,0.1532723412670434,0.2917708307780333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143325935647196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937137895297237,0.10988490783958313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551193659363716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507260117164893,0.16322329157136678,0.1483084757040208,0.11951682531202715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628344809342604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959872777550543,0.1851561873946608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606055734824882,0.13695183805485905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521909999192598,0.11468291559699302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518446000901484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bettieneedsaspank,2019/04/07,"been fighting myself since i was 14, 6 years on and i still can’t win the battle i have a drug and alcohol problem, i don’t know what i’m doing with my life and i’m so useless. i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do with myself and i know i don’t matter. i just can’t keep going on anymore it’s a nightmare. being alive is so shit i don’t want to do it anymore",-1.6308139534883708,0.10762661627907376,1.7593488372093056,97.7664651162791,90.97674418604653,3.905116279069768,17.902325581395353,4.935628992294339,-0.7052195348837209,283,8,71,1,10,102,48,86,0.193,0.693,0.114,-0.8045,0,0,2,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,3,0,14,4,1,0,0,14,23,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,3,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,12,1,6,20,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737416212317121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080549792080608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29704743808269185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691816749650512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557338018336854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276738734001336,0.0,0.0,0.42231257404695866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092312891903248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24509663288216504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26292965616089964,0.21188618948149332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455811264417287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108124166777445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494929222137908
suicidewatch,hardluck43,2019/04/07,"What are you drunk on? So I’m suicidal, and I think it’s because I can’t see a point in living. Everyone says to enjoy the little things and I do, but that isn’t enough to keep me here. I was reading Attack on Titan, and there’s a scene where Kenny Ackerman says this:
“Every last person I’ve seen was the same way. Whether it was booze, women, god, family, the king, dreams, children, power... They couldn’t keep going unless they were drunk on something. They were all slaves to something.”
It made me realize that that really is how it works. Not only that, I’ve been stone-cold sober for years. But none of those listed are for me, so I still gotta find mine. Anyways, I wanted to ask you all what keeps you going? Maybe I’ll find mine in the comments. Or maybe no one will answer and I’ll be buried her, that’s fine too. Thanks anyways if you actually read this whole thing :)",1.039719101123595,3.370167522471913,2.3326853932584264,94.19026404494385,84.4494382022472,5.133033707865169,16.765168539325842,6.508806274219699,-0.28798741573033704,681,14,146,7,20,218,115,178,0.08199999999999999,0.82,0.098,0.4535,1,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,4,3,3,10,4,1,0,6,0,15,3,0,2,2,26,29,13,1,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,3,16,4,3,3,5,5,0,2,6,1,0,1,8,4,19,3,13,17,6,14,0,0,2,0,15,8,0,2,3,97,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.14254808228475932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656036211954264,0.16618134677838567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904593535648048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093447445097458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307444782358855,0.1395808772239278,0.0,0.0,0.13770646508200166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670197208215517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603552385328502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895143891357185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907058282709705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640547788761812,0.12898685946469773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821965220369906,0.0,0.0,0.2935038476210123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898416840929544,0.11109658392936098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754701433731047,0.0,0.0,0.138088045913164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29222896534385784,0.0,0.0935793551722801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323293308368075,0.0,0.0,0.1164028249261146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491127035327732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665564593105067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978228934619906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344861906712968,0.0,0.0,0.1940914156261212,0.093598931451811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615879178293469,0.11594749823592786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308746806919466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634430532094044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406748029312513
suicidewatch,yarkaff,2019/04/07,"im fucked im about to fail the 9th grade because im a glue eater

im a fucking idiot who doesnt put effort into their work and cant push myself to do it

by the end of this school year i will take my dads car and drive away if i fail

no point in going onwards if you get held back

my dad died last year and the only thing i have going for me is my mom who is great and the only reason im still here

i have great friends but i dont want to pester them and ""talk about it"" to them im the nicest person

i have no drive or intent or passion for anything

maybe ill drive my moped into a car at high speeds

ive been diagnosed with depression 4 times by my middle and high school but i get no support

only thing holding me back (again) is my mother

seeing all your friends with romantic lives kills me

sorry to vent and if you read this im sorry to pester you

end of vent",3.133272884283244,2.984749196891194,4.377836787564768,92.32181563039728,72.57512953367878,7.055094991364419,22.30094991364421,5.985473137389443,0.12573955094991265,677,12,165,3,12,224,105,193,0.173,0.701,0.126,-0.721,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,4,3,4,8,13,4,0,8,0,13,5,0,2,1,24,24,14,2,4,7,4,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,8,11,0,2,1,1,0,9,6,7,0,0,2,1,25,6,21,21,1,29,0,3,1,3,17,9,2,5,11,97,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548436422628746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618151655531799,0.14106640713659574,0.0,0.05591656404840284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079005229625287,0.09310203349169126,0.09519922736643803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075045840573544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624876407783943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173771803717042,0.16960219662262827,0.09584823379196136,0.0,0.10426232221251702,0.0,0.0,0.20226098400743647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383142876861972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6935741946240451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148348970972502,0.0,0.0,0.07477059839146805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099754311958278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215314898008203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074307761484176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928993196519133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009338964011155,0.0,0.0,0.08671265041701072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221201937054938,0.0,0.0,0.09175286660773514,0.0,0.0,0.0943117062039996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566735469456952,0.07309537475617539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536407006513535,0.0,0.0,0.07325413418588653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409189696017344,0.0,0.0,0.06896807316380027,0.07372752692662304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218800726799636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348735993675579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410357676379728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677910828670422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181397054368659
suicidewatch,jonnyd92,2019/04/07,"Looking at ending my own life Not looking for arguments, how many sleeping tablets would it take to end my own life preferably soon , got on going medical and mental health issues that I am at the end of trying to deal with , I have other painkillers I will mix in with it all just need information on what a fatal dose it for me I am 26 years old and 15. stone in weight ",6.2197999999999976,5.435029613333337,6.3545000000000025,82.89975000000003,66.2,9.1,30.75,8.07648339933343,1.9308,291,9,61,3,4,93,57,75,0.047,0.922,0.031,-0.3054,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,7,1,1,1,12,11,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,13,8,3,13,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,0,6,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051254844241268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5286751680308576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307711456480445,0.0,0.1591314994221948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114918374570082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766908941217047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107151665270785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33416310624494033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172056547867054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043758142241452,0.20051119950331195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753096569144444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087816272095827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910995779311688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959787092715646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350850346241694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422873110586493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133992726732886,0.0,0.0,0.12812775241191549
suicidewatch,stopgrossew,2019/04/07,"Slave to loved ones. Pretty harsh wording I know. But in reality this is the best way I can put it at the moment. I'm 18 and have struggled with depression and suicidal tendencies since I was 13. First big blow was realizing as I was started to develop that my stepfather of 10 years was starting to groom me sexually.  It was a hard mental battle considering I had already been severely abused when I was younger so it was either me just being triggered or him actually being perverted.

 After he had blatantly assaulted me at 15 the police were contacted by a friend and he left my family with all of the money in our savings all while my mom was battling cancer and his child being recently diagnosed with autism. A year later I was diagnosed  with bipolar, the same illness that ruined mine and my mother's life. Just that diagnosis alone ruined my life. After you've seen your parent quite literally deteriorate from bipolar disorder and then knowing that, that same fate is in store for you is by far one of the most helpless feelings I've experienced.

 I'm 18 now and my mom remarried and things are stable. Financially. My mom is still very much ill (she just had her 25th surgery) and can't take care of my younger sister who is now 7 and still nonverbal. My daily routine consists of cleaning and caring for my younger sister. I have no friends I can come to and on top of this I live 7 people, one of them being my mom's fiance's daughter's boyfriend that I constantly but heads with being that he's a complete pervert and takes advantage of everyone and my mom's fiance will absolutely not kick him out no matter how hard my mom and I plead. I just see my life going nowhere. If I move out and leave my sister with these people I absolutely will go mad, but staying here is driving me insane and I just want to die. I want to end my life so I will not have to bear betraying my sister and I want to die so I won't have to endure the hardships that come with my current living situation. Help. ",4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,5.9444897959183685,77.37908163265307,69.71428571428571,9.06938775510204,30.3265306122449,9.424239791934726,2.7758000000000003,1596,64,298,34,28,534,208,392,0.17600000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.068,-0.9908,2,1,0,0,1,3,25.0,1,2,1,5,15,17,4,1,11,0,37,13,1,2,3,60,58,31,3,4,13,13,3,0,2,4,11,0,1,1,16,29,0,0,4,0,2,7,6,9,0,4,15,6,52,8,40,34,8,41,0,4,2,1,32,12,0,3,20,212,68,0,0.0,0.1011692447860256,0.08332507551842315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843484179142502,0.09422631675557612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960804520888667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741148073722631,0.0,0.0,0.14710611600181125,0.08952630192569112,0.09227265917123786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354341620073371,0.17333135111913106,0.17723577118640127,0.0,0.0978605246316583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562724803103406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159062506626953,0.0,0.0,0.08049495593642009,0.0,0.0431740673715101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262986029983669,0.0,0.0,0.1319390632542826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705442782582492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297937442981255,0.0,0.08763136039188507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723288693236074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385256467940788,0.0,0.0,0.0904121576776972,0.09277286988116416,0.0,0.2412445288496609,0.0,0.0,0.15079599295218707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706480595843694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604968306522788,0.0,0.0,0.6000230354767907,0.0,0.09075252015900877,0.06276902925556901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735806580271621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481179535988933,0.0,0.0,0.11839273552815235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686894334359327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583719016377449,0.0,0.09081923702106988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430903830678024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804212320549258,0.0,0.0,0.09646263596163217,0.0,0.07063273813666006,0.09597819783606612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087425304111032,0.0910108321915365,0.13637981446060451,0.0,0.0,0.08926468988903992,0.0,0.09339916127164934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840030294968188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672711132029491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045294751066973,0.1510898158043484,0.06777596647972495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997243559677773
suicidewatch,dand31i0n,2019/04/07,"Loving other people if the only reason I am alive This is my first time on reddit, so I'm sorry if I do something wrong. I've have severe chronic anxiety and depression my whole life. My first memory of life is a mental break down when I was little. I've battled this so long, I'm 21, and I am so tired. I'm coming here seeking community because even with therapy and meds, nothing seems to work.

The past 6 years have been incredibly difficult. I have been actively suicidal for most of them, but I have this problem: I care about other people too much. Kids in particular. I have always worked with low-income/at-risk kids and they are my universe. Every time I have been standing at the edge of finally doing it, their little faces flash through my mind and I get this immense amount of guilt. I cannot stand the thought of me being another figure in their life that disappears. I despise thinking about the conversation someone would have to have with them, explaining why I wasn't there anymore.

I feel these same thoughts when thinking of friends, family, and my significant other. How could I possibly take the responsibility of possibly throwing them into a depression? I never want people to feel the way I feel.

I hate how much I love people, how much I care about every single being I encounter. On one hand, I am grateful I get to make a positive impact on the lives of so many, but it feels unfair that I must endure this. ",4.310836363636362,6.164106101818184,5.418818181818181,78.4762272727273,71.61818181818181,8.200000000000001,27.772727272727273,8.841846274778883,2.3181272727272724,1138,42,204,22,22,376,155,275,0.156,0.711,0.133,-0.2234,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,6,4,16,14,3,1,11,0,27,9,2,5,2,40,51,19,1,7,4,0,5,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,13,11,0,0,12,0,0,3,3,9,0,3,7,5,37,5,28,39,8,28,0,2,0,2,13,10,0,4,11,150,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758635800255916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037631141702722,0.08052508822984507,0.0,0.1043915496987792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416669543795465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464310566833428,0.0,0.0,0.0906738320478567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404308575360568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132389189661824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952451192493556,0.0,0.1773754316370581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923157940202453,0.0,0.21289437802131664,0.0,0.0,0.11530929900131873,0.0,0.17907148753504176,0.0,0.0,0.08132510589786128,0.0,0.10999002765389568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039243632940582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230488420798474,0.0,0.2110002140458016,0.09294821255608464,0.09315349552809496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900060028011328,0.0,0.07026315555515454,0.10671907536686602,0.0,0.0,0.11692227447321077,0.0,0.10607926743075324,0.0,0.10628454235744082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321388901243124,0.0,0.08118448950169907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100166063252013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132820787463638,0.08005644094426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048442268889213,0.29190147381319825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373340200475945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007214509437723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822679524778052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582650758474533,0.0,0.11891601912691226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918809158418471,0.08103577624035775,0.0,0.1178321125593617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513946656646065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914387124740636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037619046532905,0.0,0.0,0.13489518873023454,0.0,0.16713242887750268,0.12275815559307772,0.12098310372092876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062086213475159725,0.08355202038490472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498251925459664,0.1175211855706738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326387720611515,0.0,0.0,0.07477505486164394,0.11508739600949572,0.0,0.06778523168318294
suicidewatch,ContentWithCrazy,2019/04/07,"What's the best way not to scar someone else with your death? I think I'm ready for it to be over. Maybe it's relatable to someone else here, but I'm not really sad anymore. I mean - there's disappointment and I wish my life had played out differently, but ultimately life is as it presents itself, and I'm trying to accept that. For a long time, I thought that if I just did the right things, my life would change. That the lack of love in my life from friends, family, or romantic interests was a result not of something inherently wrong with me, but just due to mistakes in the way I have acted in the past.

I no longer believe that. Taking what most people consider conventional wisdom about finding happiness and success in life didn't work for me. I'm going to one of the nation's best universities for a program that I was really interested in. I have hobbies. I'm an Eagle Scout and I love helping people. I exercise and eat clean. I put myself out there socially and really tried to make an effort to be social with others. When I started to lose hope that things would change, I saw a therapist whose recommendations consisted of things I was already trying to do well. Yet despite all that, I still want to die. Does anyone else feel that way? Like there's so much that's right in your life, but for whatever reason, your soul is too greedy and you can't accept things for what they are?

I wish I had been born better looking or better socialized growing up. It feels like there's an invisible wall that separates me from what is considered normal by the rest of society, and I lack whatever quintessential character traits are necessary to step past the barrier. I've decided I want to die. My life isn't enough for me and despite my best efforts, it seems pretty apparent that it's never going to be. My only question is what the best way not to scar others with my death is. I don't want my roommate to walk in on my dead body or anything like that. I don't care if it hurts when I go, I just want a method that won't hurt anyone else. Life wasn't meant for everyone, but that doesn't mean I have to hurt more people than necessary when I leave it.",4.773614661200868,5.6774096200466255,5.665091230608471,80.7948251748252,69.34965034965036,9.273884735953699,27.846716501888913,9.494082108488547,2.3083835865284144,1713,56,342,36,29,563,198,429,0.121,0.625,0.255,0.9969,3,0,2,0,0,2,42.0,0,4,1,11,17,31,0,0,17,0,31,13,1,3,2,65,62,24,5,15,17,0,2,3,1,3,9,0,1,0,35,15,1,1,14,2,0,8,14,8,1,1,12,4,45,23,52,44,12,42,2,6,2,2,14,16,0,9,17,234,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763343931427986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976871423955411,0.09838130064867937,0.14416464056628486,0.05789240251213936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926083397114778,0.2953137076488209,0.12443846140420435,0.0,0.07814345873299698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172694315811827,0.0,0.14884283527326694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602526088768952,0.0735012169683809,0.0,0.0,0.06156412779105114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198604402491977,0.2350749994170809,0.0,0.0,0.07269079108931649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722284238412148,0.0,0.0,0.06632011620496554,0.0,0.07114257363855646,0.05025835505650012,0.0,0.0,0.06429901059241308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054352561009597816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994529700778812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488933166904146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047154404495828174,0.0,0.0,0.0698738419981854,0.0,0.0,0.2259347431748659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449093839199904,0.0,0.0,0.39752466476927983,0.1031089869778176,0.0,0.0,0.06225790908046309,0.05907663571279617,0.07870412653002451,0.0,0.0,0.1269880038325284,0.0,0.04695945251930908,0.0,0.07067645396764366,0.15326446552726858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051715654302491885,0.0,0.05425858189740392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892847609693034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767126617800574,0.0535046655346389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431487495562808,0.14631637262313688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157166992799144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072160435575271,0.07880857234249435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352048439929604,0.0723319499757693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015775085928768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640443814039169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514018533255985,0.11921536739828535,0.05415919135224876,0.0,0.0,0.04979439031065929,0.0,0.05618193735134793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289476162395673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168226142509329,0.18695077578304675,0.045077709364250006,0.0,0.05585037631955688,0.0410218964219875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328995448515372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597800487351244,0.22336355964413807,0.0,0.0,0.0632534775237237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179902526605128,0.0,0.0,0.05121594459941526,0.0,0.0,0.09994984172459367,0.07691714193275175,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lerrarri,2019/04/07,"Mother's Twin Sister Committed Suicide Decades Ago. I Want To Kill Myself Without Hurting My Family the title says it all fully. i have been in a deep deep deep depression for years now. can't even mentioning help to my family has shunned because of the events that happened. i dont want to hurt my family i just dont want to live anymore; but the want to not hurt my family is greater i guess

i told a sibling that i wanted to kill myself and they punched me and told me thats a fucked up joke lmao

i've also brought up being depressed to friends and got smacked with ""dude youre not depressed just look at how you act. happy and chill"" hahahahaha. 

i feel like a bitch for typing this but i want to let it out",1.9468199608610601,4.035731568493151,3.348375733855189,89.63082191780823,79.2054794520548,6.36320939334638,24.127201565557733,7.447530270364453,1.0627667318982383,563,20,118,8,14,184,93,146,0.233,0.5760000000000001,0.191,-0.8169,0,0,0,0,0,4,9.0,0,2,1,0,6,14,4,0,7,0,9,1,0,1,2,24,24,8,3,6,7,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,10,0,0,5,3,20,4,18,17,2,14,0,6,1,1,11,8,2,1,5,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348750678624688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933610320025792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577979082029075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116674287212517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016572079122557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27364882736935753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710905212901523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44022764444382345,0.0,0.05902984155625626,0.08340273858901881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019699177243352,0.10792898421961393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337173905130217,0.0,0.12860791400702454,0.0,0.10323732595842973,0.12427735339283805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782517944939737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749342035171389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583223608548692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937979711993656,0.0,0.057035769657415726,0.0,0.1030880817261136,0.0,0.09803649959362894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284040693785964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277002151293916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310993442864688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41315578682679377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253813169088056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751800310238679
suicidewatch,AlmostIrresponsible,2019/04/07,"Why do you care? I mean why do you care about a random internet stranger?
You are spending time in this subreddit reading all those negative posts. People usually avoid negative persons. But here it's totally different. Don't you have other things to do? I just hate people who are faking this. I hate everything. Fml",2.418773946360151,5.357758655172411,3.6060919540229897,80.68699233716474,91.75862068965515,8.095019157088123,27.13409961685824,8.515128840125781,3.1869938697318005,254,12,42,8,9,82,43,58,0.28800000000000003,0.622,0.09,-0.9318,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,0,3,6,2,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,2,7,12,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,3,12,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,32,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450082285042146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800808814547285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961346533126726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309218007624085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23772081066727965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30259196389028103,0.19055351687591812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900785286147375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829306381103455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498497685399764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272540042337345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403539263901265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938444936374325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zera3619,2019/04/07,"Turned 19 years old Two days ago I turned 19 years old. I wasn't looking forward to my birthday, but still I wanted to be happy and enjoy the attention. However, for the very first time in 18 years it felt like it didn't matter to anyone and even worse it didn't even matter to me. 

I have been depressed for the past 4 years, having it in periods. The periods started with a few months at a time but the last period have been for over a year. In addition to that I feel anxious around people and I feel lonely most of the time, I frequently think about other people and what they are doing instead of actually getting out of my bed and do something myself.

I don't even know how I am, what I like to do or what I want to achieve in life because I rarely feel happy at all. I am 19 years old and it feels like I have no purpose in this world. Every night I cry myself to sleep, my heart aching and tears streaming down my face. Every morning I wake up and pretend I am fine, waiting for being able to cry in my bed again.

All I want is someone to love and feel loved by. Someone who understands me, because right now everyone feel like strangers even my own family and I just feel so lonely. I can't even see myself celebrating my 20th birthday. 

I just want to die",5.188622908622907,4.938050976833979,5.905389961389961,83.47767310167313,68.18918918918922,8.759948519948521,29.23577863577864,8.238735603445708,1.8348051994851988,989,31,208,12,15,324,136,259,0.151,0.68,0.17,0.8238,1,4,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,1,2,15,13,0,0,9,0,21,7,4,1,2,42,45,15,1,4,5,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,12,14,0,1,12,1,0,1,6,3,0,2,6,10,34,10,34,37,5,43,0,3,2,2,4,16,0,2,32,144,46,1,0.09335241440275634,0.0,0.09109849020941893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275128280566847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054616565667865,0.0,0.065274178702155,0.0,0.0,0.08310344067963568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381353070827227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508648745950125,0.060204584437221875,0.0,0.08040429773446123,0.0,0.09688506770457912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30829194642715885,0.0,0.15730687078188152,0.08920223249166499,0.0,0.0,0.08800434814679832,0.0,0.3304124995377041,0.133381967004047,0.08963295744014642,0.0,0.0,0.07940551600188155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877278354662533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875076202565284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062306054161716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051304045579205815,0.07609467731902164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593757105154859,0.1824290970583907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839251669196008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850839744017296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451300654229595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760491705100495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938729660479917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911544259329694,0.1294376199634294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797224518310274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438978790116006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341983239999714,0.0,0.15819439556684092,0.07186724939356348,0.0,0.0,0.06607531939651097,0.0,0.07455135873027087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981645774400236,0.0,0.0,0.16330363067543266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030812400991674,0.09119174423515047,0.09718315564298728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702551853801078,0.22024669076960893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513408559629133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606953651774595
suicidewatch,fsm216,2019/04/07,I want to die I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of all of it. I've struggled with depression for years now and nothing seems to be getting better. I managed to find a girlfriend and this person was the love of my life. We were best friends. We helped each other through so many hard times. We dated once before back in high school and her parents tore us apart. We tried again and made it a year and a half before her parents decided they weren't having it. She's not allowed to communicate with me or see me at all. We dicided to wait until the fall when she got to college as well to resume dating. Last week she texts me and said she can't see how we would make it work and decided it was over. She hopes one day we can be friends but how am I supposed to just go back to being friends. One of the worst parts is that we shared alot of the same friends. I can't do anything with them because then she can't hang out with them. I feel like I've lost everything. I just want so bad for the pain to be over.,2.163463441451345,3.4448928504672907,3.1044584936778463,95.226165475536,76.10280373831776,6.156789444749862,23.33589884551952,6.522977012572876,0.33937910940076943,786,23,185,6,17,250,126,214,0.14,0.725,0.135,-0.64,3,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,9,0,3,4,12,18,0,1,10,0,17,6,0,5,2,45,35,17,1,4,5,2,2,1,5,1,5,1,0,1,8,21,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,7,1,3,8,5,30,11,30,22,8,25,0,2,2,1,32,7,0,4,16,128,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964705764679364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622204145254112,0.10110540171716416,0.07381556615404865,0.0,0.2060779737436111,0.0,0.12707687353189345,0.10709459271812856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809327164612345,0.0,0.10429495898340617,0.0,0.12567268724520894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882821737380427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061226929863689675,0.0865069851350175,0.0,0.0,0.11067440522597873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742164805848971,0.0,0.06326472095187091,0.0,0.0688184482865468,0.0,0.09684703138998872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847318771483216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116432310976784,0.12793862513278387,0.0,0.12027006065495605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870481396470678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552971000378791,0.05915863868968897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218444401378093,0.0,0.10928878738188327,0.11457863674727765,0.08082876282897831,0.12276663016344518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618947666235326,0.0,0.0,0.12895729300018866,0.16410793827184142,0.0,0.2576973841949067,0.0,0.2689130535142072,0.13112907146729488,0.0,0.0,0.1057314411587226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518467210061972,0.0,0.0,0.12254992001333168,0.19298669589922912,0.11023612579165544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658994715764932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706087690295016,0.2783511363732154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221241323099078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565680667647654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428444761492029,0.0,0.09713139144266074,0.0,0.10887478576908242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815523216302472,0.0,0.0,0.08601912520412372,0.0,0.0,0.15595645745589912
suicidewatch,Prollyneedfood,2019/04/07,"Should I check up on her? I thought I posted this but when I tried to check to see if I had any replies I couldnt find it. Anyway I'll try keep this as short as possible since I cant really be arsed to type it all out again.

I first met a girl while in a club, we got to know each other a bit but not in the way you're probably thinking, she gave me her snapchat we got talking then we stopped.

More than a month afterwards I've seen her either send me or put stories up of quite depressing things but nothing serious until yesterday when I was kind of scared for her life, so I messaged her and tried to get her to open up about it but it didnt get very far, all I got out of her was that shes went to see a doctor but wouldnt tell me what she was told and since I felt like she didnt really want to talk to me I told her that she can talk to me if she needs to.

It's now the next day and I'm still a little worried, I'm sure shes fine but I'm not sure if I should check up on her or how often I should, I know shes got friends and I don't feel like I am the person or in a position to really help her anyway, but I'd rather I do something and her hate me than do nothing to find shes went and done something extreme.",1.4982258064516143,1.9938683835125488,3.3845501792114696,95.64349193548391,76.63440860215054,7.013691756272402,21.835304659498206,7.1686216300943375,0.267045734767025,945,22,248,10,20,320,138,279,0.07400000000000001,0.838,0.08800000000000001,0.4086,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,3,0,0,2,12,11,1,1,10,0,23,2,0,1,4,53,51,28,0,11,17,0,2,2,1,4,2,0,0,2,12,13,0,2,8,1,3,4,8,4,0,1,20,5,48,7,34,25,6,36,0,1,3,0,37,15,0,7,17,163,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755472305893617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128507382354245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164596620414773,0.0,0.0956844674205555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370866541497948,0.0,0.11368698211530565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617209338693888,0.07936505159486215,0.10666695733496663,0.0,0.20307446542683644,0.09449587550639088,0.0,0.0,0.0858303819134191,0.0,0.11608329280330723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554057342804949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968160069586222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446347461092205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874479945579162,0.0,0.11568654129003267,0.12210790756430473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846845935908654,0.10854911668834508,0.11134463801442528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867358521618124,0.0,0.0,0.08237424925464694,0.0,0.0,0.11814894896520058,0.0,0.0,0.21319397030644954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097002355008259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524096560855394,0.10639664003674376,0.0,0.11977733069026344,0.0,0.0,0.11167941673092646,0.0,0.11816136338001085,0.0,0.0,0.21350757316496705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122373987695494,0.0,0.1770538997892357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837949956693595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710500477452977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871922591928037,0.09287894499857127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20940817738098075,0.0,0.0,0.2678776777816231,0.09710041132220128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380542970935354,0.0711840792530912,0.0,0.08819564415132639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123087533673297,0.0,0.22627510625755864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166357927087332,0.06552568675193289,0.08818066377043286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596914158895355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128206044558258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluetint_2166,2019/04/07,"Tired I'm too much of a bitch to actually do anything, but I'm just so tired. I'm so alone, and part of me really wants so badly to just take those 20 or so steps and just give up. Yet here my dumb ass is, talking on the internet for bs sympathy points from random people who probably care about me as much as everyone else in my life does. Idk ",4.877837837837838,3.89447908108108,6.295270270270272,82.87912162162164,69.0,10.643243243243244,27.959459459459467,10.125756701596842,2.2300918918918926,268,7,63,6,4,92,57,74,0.302,0.62,0.078,-0.9707,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,2,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,9,9,10,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,12,9,3,6,0,0,0,1,3,4,3,2,1,39,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2111502582316716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409868295658267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178057742310255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806636341329934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060818012989689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893507459718224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075309476495224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067550667651928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756609598886788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283167835929914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31812024540762296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234312452049184,0.0,0.15000680481829368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045438008420608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332882616570701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861501812636345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626866639854157,0.17391359290406908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973812180966432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276232611642826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dumbshort,2019/04/07,Is this finally it? I have nothing to live for anymore. Im still in highschool. Im pressing charges against a 40 year old man that sexually abused me and Im genuinely scared for my safety. My dad said he’s leaving me and my mother soon. My friends don’t care about me anymore. My grades have slipped so much. I just don’t want to deal with the pain anymore. It hurts so much. I don’t want to be here anymore. ,-0.596726296958856,1.605215534883726,1.1225581395348847,98.79712880143116,97.13953488372091,4.0415026833631496,24.057245080500888,5.873414542411696,0.3926039355992845,320,15,73,3,13,103,57,86,0.161,0.711,0.128,-0.6124,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,11,2,9,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,43,15,2,0.0,0.17810682941867834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963155902526022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532631599727095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497524238412844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467025562412282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613830014443605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092266570024255,0.0,0.4871202292506338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916915045609353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273696097346593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100773431772985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442378838382131,0.0,0.1577375106413259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995306302537013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142990517141859,0.0,0.15049841090124425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004723570715566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773274615704929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680235267653886
suicidewatch,Little80sbunny,2019/04/07,"I'm chronically Ill. I keep being trolled on Reddit. I feel so alone. I've found out on Reddit that people love to troll/bully chronically ill people. That my chronic lung disease is hilarious and people would rather that I feel like shit and maybe they want me to die. :""(",1.8489010989011017,4.640289384615387,3.418681318681319,83.78346153846157,87.84615384615385,5.279120879120879,18.96703296703297,6.868970318607317,0.5274417582417583,216,6,39,3,7,71,38,52,0.244,0.59,0.166,-0.7198,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0,10,10,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,6,2,5,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27710453796096673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27767809321464465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27056598391603626,0.19114013719759168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933583931511042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378136741077925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071303199298134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24147730708367576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687932602017681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5564633284555389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746396265399746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780987354063122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006219402365374,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ImmortalCell,2019/04/07,"Food is the reason to live If you eat enough high quality raw animal products you will be satiated. Move out of the wifi field and ground yourself you will start healing. Sleep for long enough and fully rest you will be back asking for more.

The systems of fatigue are designed to wear you down with coffee and carbs
 Salt and sugar. Meds and love and other drugs. Fake temporary feelings with no substance.

Your body is made of animal cholestorol and protein. This is all you will ever need. Your ego begins the moment you think of something other than food. Hunting and eating are the ultimate satisfaction.

Suicide lacks empathy for yourself. One oart of your brain may want to die but the rest of it cannot know anything but life. Subconsciously you are programmed to never damage yourself. To go ahainst nature is the greatest crime for which you will suffer no mercy.",5.139566003616637,7.701939556962024,4.6443399638336365,81.8660759493671,71.15189873417722,6.792766726943943,27.74141048824593,7.7094869923839395,1.8477309222423155,702,26,116,9,14,212,103,158,0.123,0.778,0.099,-0.5358,0,0,2,0,0,2,14.0,0,12,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,0,16,14,4,2,3,26,27,11,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,0,5,11,5,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,1,3,12,1,20,18,8,14,0,3,0,1,14,4,0,2,7,85,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526219401443842,0.0,0.15366340865179998,0.0,0.0,0.1263900936744263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825775959787733,0.0,0.18349085886741698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058971740771986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190616578052636,0.3363823172199105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396755173642834,0.0,0.0,0.14868173377588295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311021982692017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39751279964351777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341504429465726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366553055676656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033324581983908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609912527009045,0.0,0.0,0.14514138794744524,0.145461943390742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835000161117826,0.15553051098161375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825775959787733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746988958756148,0.0,0.12187799227050145,0.126771985840733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138111003997896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899934752256346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448832814965206,0.0,0.0,0.12653976567679767,0.0,0.0,0.11634166472221905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979368860806125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532141706288864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694946194633584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nugget0525,2019/04/07,"Suicidal thoughts from a young age? The first time I can remember was before the age of 8. Anyone else experience these thoughts from childhood? Also, in periods of my life when I am not depressed, I still will randomly have what I describe as ""casual suicidal thoughts"".",5.7650000000000015,8.192918833333334,6.052500000000002,73.0425,69.0,10.633333333333336,37.0,10.686352973137794,4.811399999999999,216,12,35,7,4,69,38,48,0.177,0.738,0.085,-0.7819,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,8,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,5,1,6,3,0,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231303088839435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940673724939478,0.23358925759141905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399153605604588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635615518294086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044543230727887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300513680909767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391702013167805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102681446883513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582533668870326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820626331727298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987394154918123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429645392701525,0.1329351537598203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Twixiepup,2019/04/07,"Today was my birthday And I just want to die so bad. Mum saw old self harm scars. Got mad. Told me I have to move out cause I'm good for nothing. Got no job no bank, nothing. And all she can think about is pushing me out of her house the day she pushed me out of her cunt. I fucking hate this existence.  ",-1.6449999999999996,0.29575328787878874,0.21430303030303044,105.28145454545457,99.45454545454544,3.246060606060606,15.690909090909093,4.935628992294339,-1.2223890909090906,231,6,59,1,10,74,51,66,0.271,0.632,0.097,-0.9539,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,10,13,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,6,0,0,5,1,11,1,9,8,1,9,0,0,1,1,7,3,2,0,3,33,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856607165333872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284242392392168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340334466812502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307738337056696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055675776067548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865044200119764,0.3556820691400161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953376054030835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565727624503185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065728155888548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633273187859075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267194655161463,0.0,0.2333286666497862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319692309021495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247885251386566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077060410765136,0.2124738275455944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115326849146516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FarAssociate1,2019/04/07,"I'm going to jump It's something I've thought about doing for a while now, Right in front of their smug, nepotistic fucking faces. But at the same time I kind of hope someone tries to stop me. Not because I'm afraid, but because I just want somebody, anyone of those fucking assholes to care what happens to me. Even if it's just for a second. Isn't that selfish?",3.00382882882883,4.604514337837841,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,74.54054054054055,5.473873873873874,28.54954954954956,5.46131890053228,0.9447009009009012,287,12,59,1,6,90,55,74,0.094,0.741,0.165,0.5331,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,2,1,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,11,12,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,1,0,5,3,12,11,1,10,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,2,4,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322357268103326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194727552370362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671659491441424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307410978212387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845011667954253,0.0,0.0,0.1489226489122764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317199834935951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602635843080697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287301363087024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237796436171808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202456553403002,0.2017302163652162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907611155109874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802948156564655,0.15279689069019722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177907096958233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455723211056738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,momomaud,2019/04/07,"Silly triggers make me want to die I just got a bad dye job. It’s miles away from what I wanted... a subtle balayage , and I got the chunkiest ugliest highlights in the world instead. Now I’m spiraling and sobbing and throwing up and punching myself and I don’t know how to stop. I’ve had four glasses of wine this morning and a klonopin and I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I hate myself even more for how stupid this problem is.

My self-esteem is horrifically low. I thought this dye job would help, but it set me off. I feel like such a stupid dumb asshole for wailing and hurting myself but I don’t know how to cope. I don’t know how to stop crying. It won’t stop.",0.8727428057553972,3.2130416834532376,2.314671762589928,93.94092850719429,85.40287769784172,4.338309352517986,23.07598920863309,5.602791699666715,0.2030176258992804,530,20,113,3,16,171,84,139,0.307,0.644,0.049,-0.9887,2,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,4,0,6,0,8,2,1,6,0,31,21,14,1,4,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,8,1,3,6,1,0,1,4,9,0,1,4,3,17,2,13,15,2,14,0,3,0,0,1,8,2,0,5,74,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409453161404892,0.0,0.1547169441127471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035422756004535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231113074856496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238825697859483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873855071050552,0.1323776589300134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964011118805854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829444224635861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420202906321155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983664363787168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36776137608924425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055064908680453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052774273666704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236885366055622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773061396629828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933072930207657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647548406657732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710672602061192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858832918754906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163110932553146,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soopersalads,2019/04/07,"I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to exist Somehow that makes sense in my head

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When life is busy i'm fine - i think i don't have enough time to think about the reality of things but right now there's a lull and all i'm constantly  noticing is how fucking lonely i am (despite being surrounded by people) and how that makes me hate myself so much. 

​

objectively my life is fine, i just hate being me. i hate how i look and how i act and how i am as a person. i'm not brave enough to kill myself yet but i wish i could get into a car accident or fall ill with some terminal illness so that i wouldnt have to make the decision myself and so that i could stop existing without having to actually suicide",2.7075490196078427,4.05296506535948,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,74.8169934640523,7.452941176470588,24.514705882352942,8.07648339933343,1.2920941176470588,577,18,123,9,12,195,87,153,0.266,0.645,0.09,-0.9865,0,2,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,0,0,15,10,6,0,5,0,16,6,1,8,1,35,33,19,3,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,0,1,22,3,14,28,5,13,0,1,1,1,1,4,1,3,6,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1262138498311685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802722713956618,0.31431621448498953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976690060828406,0.0,0.20652947765044116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26727853209061936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956958863376513,0.06757302743712637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830793028447734,0.13273664970824975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28618353675477803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270850969759972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861015706079648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589995241980125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507727155625544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147250559140441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966570297165598,0.11293171718595865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045273681751436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813117628139858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147323169830978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592547999494657,0.16574732243703796,0.0,0.0,0.07541720274972827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257213753325793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873068967452424,0.12467585245229885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31431621448498953,0.0
suicidewatch,BenevolentFungi,2019/04/07,"Somebody please convince me to not kill myself My current job sucks and I have no car

I am fighting a DUI

I have an interview for a great job Tuesday

I am not optimistic about it because every great job I've interviewed for took me through like six interviews only to reject me

I have a law degree and tons of debt

I hate my life

There are a couple girls who like me for some reason 

I'm obsessed with people with harder lives than mine who somehow keep going

I hate my life

It used to be good

I made 200k a year after taxes and had all the creature comforts and women I could want

I live in a room in my friend's house 

It sucks here

I literally have been fantasizing about being mauled by a bear",2.2615865384615432,4.190047840277781,3.6438888888888883,88.66692307692308,77.54166666666667,6.097435897435898,22.882478632478627,7.010146845296331,0.7257420940170941,555,17,114,6,13,182,95,144,0.165,0.654,0.181,0.5538,5,0,0,0,2,3,0.0,0,0,0,0,5,16,6,1,9,0,12,2,0,3,1,18,23,4,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,2,5,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,3,8,0,1,4,0,21,8,17,16,3,10,0,1,0,0,9,3,2,2,6,78,26,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981622035534165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856910325045168,0.17817628761386958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135674457807851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441113796904413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915168829679667,0.13506406280464295,0.0,0.35507160035559104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31796695884689063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858066403966472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793913559720026,0.1431305861042592,0.17815549191423574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274800625584857,0.15734194386265665,0.0,0.2843843304874244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523701848982207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247033446394685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163771055383337,0.0,0.0,0.17676224178637742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655653393483403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890990909688884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907794867749154,0.0,0.0,0.09497948247783047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369783989942367
suicidewatch,ImmaID10T,2019/04/07,"Talk me out of it Death sounds mighty good right now. I’m stressed out of my mind and no one seems to care. I don’t have a way to get out of this mess so I’m seriously considering doing it.
Everyone in the house is asleep. I’m all alone. It would be so easy to just down a few pills, slit my wrists, something.
So cmon.  Isn’t this is what you guys do? Talk people out of death? Convince me my life is worth living. ",-1.3264615384615368,0.7009513111111154,0.6144444444444446,102.98807692307692,97.0,4.102564102564103,13.589743589743593,5.873414542411696,-1.187128205128205,318,6,82,3,13,103,61,90,0.19,0.677,0.133,-0.7070000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,10,4,2,0,1,10,16,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,7,3,13,14,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,49,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25318847097774283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492448731753261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335935157250447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12772108569611615,0.0,0.0,0.20504277478368085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420553982541227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820758411159866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267044344142815,0.0,0.0,0.21586405375825968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468365074936207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565349322710446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694788788899701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087688534832388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254864096776672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188198467486783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28002991377772435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929779156993787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19404222334125573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365849238565134,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ustinker,2019/04/07,Melb aus? Is anyone in melb aus right now? I don’t know what the fuxk to do. ,-3.515000000000001,-2.1124891666666645,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,107.33333333333331,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.9601333333333333,57,0,17,0,3,19,15,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5670980823223648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457264180389645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6926237978068981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WayneNewtonsMilk,2019/04/07,"I can’t believe I’m posting here I’ve been alive for 40 years, I have children and a home and all of the things you are supposed to have at this point in life. But I have fought every day for as long as I can remember, just to be “normal.”

And I’m tired. 

For reasons that don’t matter, I realized recently that I am utterly and completely alone. I have no one to text, no one to spend time with, no one to talk to about anything. This is my fault, I know. 

But I’m tired.

My doctors have tried multiple medications, therapies, all of it. But I was born with a broken brain and, even though I have fought so hard to make things better, I just don’t want to do it anymore.

I miss what I had, what my life used to be. I miss love and friends and family, all of the things that made me feel like this fight was for something, that I mattered, that this pain was worth it.

I won’t check myself into an inpatient situation because that would truly break me. To take away my freedom, the one thing I have left, would be even worse than death.

I have a medical condition that requires medication that, if used in excess, will kill me. Once my kids are back with their dad tomorrow, I will write down what information he may need and then I’m giving up the fight. 

Be good to each other.",3.267846339987898,4.303159478927205,4.280012099213554,88.84382940108894,72.9846743295019,7.946844121798751,24.84795321637427,8.371475516178862,1.2802674329501922,988,29,221,16,19,321,145,261,0.18600000000000005,0.701,0.113,-0.9627,0,1,1,0,2,1,35.0,0,1,1,2,9,14,5,0,8,0,32,11,1,5,3,42,51,17,2,6,6,1,2,1,1,6,9,0,1,2,23,13,0,1,6,0,3,0,7,9,0,4,8,2,30,5,32,33,4,20,0,2,0,1,16,9,0,2,10,157,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792803774539005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292179600987552,0.0,0.0,0.09369979278321276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697831697659216,0.08755384809062358,0.0,0.06941000985022508,0.0,0.0,0.12828494580724786,0.0,0.10070283441243287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710909784337415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193835020092929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343240777807716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654391069082018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041126941648497,0.0,0.09593473976714864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734018413661138,0.0,0.05757270486917004,0.08134396311211528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797050187662084,0.0,0.0,0.10922805114022403,0.0,0.09550313247175878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199915031551723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421417211888805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259728694039531,0.0,0.06257629100597348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371280684707375,0.0,0.16085002996415276,0.05562785613007184,0.0,0.0,0.10076543599537544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276607230600518,0.10774020602452156,0.07600463583023233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34411588226750783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442819299057785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156185694298518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126069667638135,0.30862687114468146,0.0,0.12115857743349875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763762083760854,0.0,0.10904956512322324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707043463801894,0.11242627057748147,0.0,0.12898492073865786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279871180619176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765752994873499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561102991783623,0.09151900617104906,0.0,0.0,0.1302126049799486,0.0,0.30258286392345163,0.0,0.11187011254071773,0.0,0.06639460494852771,0.2617382230350412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730570541537274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966826627399565,0.0,0.0,0.06715952347960555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116036428660776,0.16177044054002682,0.0,0.0,0.07332423100047196
suicidewatch,internet_pigeon,2019/04/07,I'm feeling suicidaly happy and its weird It's like I'm happy and smiling but I it's because of  my suicidal thoughts. I fucking love it because it makes me want to die more out of my happiness which I will plan on doing very soon. Hopefully I get this again and kill myself then. |:^D,0.379025423728816,2.809839,2.4862500000000023,90.37310381355934,91.20338983050848,5.661864406779661,24.32415254237288,7.1686216300943375,1.318777966101695,227,10,46,4,8,76,43,59,0.233,0.454,0.313,0.4131,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,10,12,5,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,8,6,5,10,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,4,30,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679009771469022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22805376608103065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111063370018442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314460918115448,0.11480424417907625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7017468356883221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218249811318508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24310798168838396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073530824011633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983224843775088,0.0,0.14667708771797322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403581436662427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444774389431034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130719215162786,0.12960740103430704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,capseaslug,2019/04/07,"Strongly considering ending my life. I don’t know what to do. I have no friends, my girlfriend left me, I lost my main source of income, I’m living with my mother. A lot more to the story but I’m just feeling pretty much like it’s a good time for me to go. The only thing holding me back is knowing how much it would hurt my mother. ",0.7566398390342073,2.6483593521126783,2.824869215291752,92.87521126760565,82.23943661971829,4.620523138832998,20.00201207243461,5.288315135182226,-0.2530579476861172,258,7,57,1,7,87,52,71,0.101,0.6829999999999999,0.21600000000000005,0.836,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,10,12,2,0,1,2,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,11,4,6,10,5,5,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966974930833261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22656642532326055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934219300184838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763354280560114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537931332149046,0.2145562662118048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738434823009073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28116638698935353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779318042530121,0.0,0.18068193658135195,0.12497291763874925,0.0,0.22587962649539156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792402935691176,0.217475420815502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37609075960584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945504758160737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26024464035621564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699448170516506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916137477036606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817158286193947,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Curt0905,2019/04/07,"My main motivation towards bettering my life is gone. I had a relationship of just over two years end saturday morning at 2 A.M. over text. It sounds stupid to be so torn about what to many people is a short term relationship.

I'm alone in my house with all of the memories and everything reminds me of it. I haven't eaten much or slept, it feels like torture being here. People keep reaching out but it all feels so pointless.

I've been working a job saving money to one day be able to support a family, a family that doesn't exist as a possibility anymore. I have to go in tomorrow but for what? Whats the point of working and making money if in the end you're alone and miserable?

I can't even find a decent balance of a suicide method because I don't want to horrify whoever would find me. And I don't want my former partner to blame herself. I also don't want to fail and become permanently disabled.

I just wish my friends and family would accept that for some people, even if they get better short term, they just can't be fixed.


It all feels so empty and worthless and I just want it to stop.",4.0080405405405415,5.162410378378379,5.448277027027029,80.71403716216219,71.34234234234233,8.432882882882884,27.838963963963966,8.841846274778883,2.117107207207207,872,31,172,16,16,294,125,222,0.163,0.7070000000000001,0.13,-0.5852,1,2,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,6,12,12,2,1,11,0,18,3,1,2,3,41,35,18,1,9,9,0,3,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,11,10,1,2,7,0,2,2,7,5,0,2,5,4,19,7,27,24,8,23,0,3,0,0,7,11,0,4,11,118,30,5,0.12301564504026825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548142173685949,0.0,0.0983755668943741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219984645900604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498919542661073,0.13586111509859602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759468255551792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933491422057394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179106970555708,0.0,0.0,0.16250134672183475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055852966761087,0.0,0.3479046060957718,0.0,0.18660121901677448,0.08788240139645574,0.0,0.0,0.22486814190097815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504158220460986,0.0,0.06427059725003048,0.0,0.06991262597303688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194353797980944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207404607704606,0.1093419575392576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688958809677312,0.0600992304064313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211389829651769,0.12471855600186428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043065346612704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833585847492027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558506774701303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628954673344828,0.13868165634259064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641455309065301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284658752961974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455914942692973,0.13959669619034884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016841033200933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902312586808464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146192078910236,0.0,0.0,0.17911370939715313,0.0,0.0,0.17477356949064954,0.0,0.0,0.07921804217958213
suicidewatch,albertthebird,2019/04/07,"I think it's over... I've tied my phone charger into a nose, I'm going to die now. I'm ready. 

I can hear my brother playing piano it the other room, my mom is out with my sister and my dad is in the hospital. Nothing can stop me now.

Goodbye",-2.0933333333333337,-0.2579430185185174,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,99.55555555555556,3.4407407407407407,17.86111111111111,5.148860815047168,-0.5508444444444445,183,6,43,1,8,66,40,54,0.073,0.81,0.117,0.0742,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,9,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,6,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211667448465652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063119350415234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573774002770354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752798057132172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893856711747432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392753583441909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600266830912572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_RoyIsMyBoy_,2019/04/07,"i've been lurking and just, uh h h i'm fucking ""sad"". don't know how else to say it, or phrase it. my friends are countries away, miles away, and ignore me. no fault of theirs, i have no motivation to reach out to them either, but... theres a huge distance.
i just need someone to talk to while im having these fucking thoughts. just please dont give me any empty phrases like ""youll be ok!"", ""just do yoga!!"", yeah i appreciate them maybe but they make me worse seriously. :/
lets talk about anything from rdr (i love arthur) to idk, life i guess. ",0.4846783216783202,2.7786853,1.870000000000001,96.72653846153848,86.9090909090909,4.475524475524477,20.27972027972028,5.873414542411696,-0.19404895104895115,413,13,94,3,13,132,82,110,0.17600000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.163,0.2864,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,4,1,7,10,2,0,1,2,10,4,0,3,0,19,20,7,0,1,8,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,1,14,4,12,15,1,6,0,1,0,3,11,5,2,2,2,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395751906453288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210303752905214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701504478622126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308666145978555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455687533721938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219121775592967,0.3642215381414464,0.0,0.18896732156254253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700274766548208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277913427641204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825858358981952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143195845132095,0.13913733248137813,0.0962376135748436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777879329389319,0.0,0.13148996351438513,0.0,0.1978993334666824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606293280206373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162319328469651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566515059003027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690595256736607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31666044184945197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563852121466612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007459887713319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Calplus,2019/04/07,"Why do you guys think suicide is not a good idea? So I recently came across this subreddit, which is completely unexpected...

Now first off, I am not sucidal at this instance, so don't worry. But that does not mean that I don't have suidical thoughts. I had more of these suidical thoughts recently, but I always managed to shut them off somehow. At most I need an hour to calm myself down and think about what I am doing.

However, I worry that this is going on for too long. I worry that one day, I might commit suicide without giving any more second thoughts to what I am doing. I want to prevent this before its too late.

So here is my question: Why is it not a good idea to commit suicide (minus the guilt trip)? Is there really a point of existing if you will die one day too? Why does it matter to me after I die? What would you say to someone who have these thoughts?

p.s: for some context: my suicidal thoughts are regarding stress from school, family and the thought that nothing matters anyway.",4.557076583210602,5.8562120567010325,5.0812960235640645,83.31329896907219,70.18556701030927,8.017083946980852,29.836524300441827,8.418075326091056,2.1829967599410898,785,31,150,12,14,251,113,194,0.214,0.691,0.095,-0.987,1,0,0,0,0,5,29.0,0,3,1,1,12,5,0,2,6,0,21,0,0,0,2,35,35,8,6,4,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,19,3,0,1,12,0,0,3,7,2,0,4,8,1,21,3,22,24,4,22,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,6,10,117,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092335859922621,0.0,0.0,0.0661362509171683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275623607824413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123299677790224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196927075960796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544194038921444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018691932053079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702157658478895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168268743498832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272444779740493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329517507699536,0.055271853167825166,0.1631445653628997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629703554191127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577588341939086,0.0,0.0,0.21957650692271846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970707310448978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606698457733776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059384308404983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317143073373143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211282234064913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331811241933312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180404518956468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193673764282577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894706039030723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062303587311742535,0.0,0.1920537533589153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734051341891217,0.0,0.0984265317419216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240324272687219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140445846013096,0.0,0.0,0.4255216247995637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463324174990942,0.0,0.4632542481747661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736309890829869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327060428998705,0.0,0.0,0.09374966322587848,0.0,0.0,0.2962993512816258,0.0,0.06908665592270455,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway123throw123,2019/04/07,"i’m completely lost i’ve been suicidal for 2 years and 2 months now. i started college in september and i have no fucking idea what to do with my life. i failed my first semester so i changed my major but i’m still failing because i’m not motivated. i’m dreaming of studying music but schools are too expensive and too far away. 
i am morbidly insecure about my physical appearance and i get mean comments about it on a daily basis. i am afraid of going outside because of it. everytime i am in public, i blush, sweat a lot, shake and stutter. i’ve always hated school as far as i can remember, because i was bullied and i was bullying people. 
now i have no friends in college. i’m back home from college for spring break and i hate it because i don’t get along with my family and i don’t have friends here either. i prefer being in my apartment where i can play music as much as i want and have some peace and rest. 
i have no money and i can’t work because i’m underage. 
i am terribly weak. everyone is tired of hearing me say i’m suicidal and they don’t take me seriously anymore, although it takes everything i have for me to open up and admit that i’m suicidal. i don’t know what to do. 
i’m begging you, please help me. i tried therapy multiple times. i’ve been on medication for depression and to sleep better. nothing is working. i am going downhill and it needs to stop somewhere. 
",1.423919011667813,3.7988804539007113,3.774763212079616,84.20177419354842,83.11347517730495,7.184808968199498,28.24571036376116,8.259297600419973,2.363533836650653,1096,54,214,25,31,378,147,282,0.271,0.635,0.094,-0.9959,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,8,11,18,3,3,2,0,28,7,2,1,0,36,55,23,3,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,8,19,0,1,7,2,2,4,9,14,0,1,5,2,38,4,31,49,6,29,0,4,0,1,10,13,1,3,11,144,46,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991100864843112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812633559412268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190892298034474,0.09158918479480566,0.0,0.36304550613249176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534420486937776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260038894360383,0.0,0.12488586013561137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259032923266792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381588618349026,0.10704949461612323,0.0,0.11228746851446983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131595274205643,0.0,0.0,0.1840500841157772,0.11011641427170844,0.12446140474148798,0.0,0.13538731566348222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351953630404436,0.0,0.0,0.1342470147420344,0.0,0.07983774777746004,0.0,0.11947827702050318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446208219564476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654604178537919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841317854092956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002397971093255,0.10126410963947158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974704985507612,0.0,0.11999203468934168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950734486673308,0.0,0.08756046033226761,0.0883194689707039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429043915783815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825767304814714,0.0,0.0,0.13074836385376915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349298060440299,0.0,0.0,0.09472203213476994,0.0,0.24109385082753915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919725229648614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843075427812164,0.0,0.09512238340965183,0.0995823230567443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908650644713168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791136451593168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621407396939694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945471700700795,0.1369008387421622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086870758270695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025489045710398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342879041020398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670372792853239
suicidewatch,Yoloride0,2019/04/07,"Depressed for 10 years untreated I’ve been depressed for 10 years with out taking medication and going to therapy I survived. I only cope with cutting myself in a less endangered place frequently. It helps. To see the blood to feel some pain. 
There’s one thing I want, and it’s to go back into the void. I love the void and everyone should too. The void is basically nothing eternally. No worries, anxiety, memories, nothing. I want to float in nothing and be nothing. 
The void for me is eternally sleeping peacefully, forever. It’s amazing. ",2.882843822843821,5.912136818181825,4.424444444444443,76.90538461538462,84.85858585858584,8.298679098679099,31.857808857808852,8.841846274778883,3.7713226107226094,431,24,70,13,13,143,63,99,0.117,0.6679999999999999,0.215,0.8756,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,6,0,5,5,2,0,0,13,13,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,2,7,2,14,10,2,13,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,1,6,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947780773197126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014483422203826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29155410479266786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172815242728078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557922118005568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238035355665647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344647812333974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275711731221278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050423035859466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6496098984038285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468997039403818,0.12872426092474645,0.18009674410129495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683298711958048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487244232184506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693748740596767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725692290191834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935551464419303,0.0,0.11244393456866364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965918666732813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188427349295998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217986304340102
suicidewatch,justatiredtofu,2019/04/07,"I don't know what to do I don't know what to do. Everything seems so pointless and empty. I keep wishing I could just die everyday. But nothing's really wrong in my life? I'm studying things that I love, I have wonderful friends, my family's pretty okay too, I have plans for the future. I used to have hobbies but they all seem so pointless now. I'm not new to having suicidal thoughts but they're usually quite passive. Like just wishing I could end things when I'm feeling overwhelmed. But now it feels kind of like the opposite. I can't even tell if I'm feeling overwhelmed or just numb. I've been thinking of more specific plans, kind of have a date and way to end it all in my head, I've written a note and divided my possessions up nice and neat. 

I have a psychologist and GP who I talk to about my mental health problems. The last time I saw my GP I lied to him and told him I didn't need a suicide safety plan anymore, and I really want to cancel my last appointment with my psychologist because I really don't want to talk to her right now and have to be confronted with my thoughts. I don't want to talk to anyone about this, because I feel like I'm kind of just looking for attention. I feel like I'm just being a crybaby about this. Maybe I just convinced myself that I wanted to kill myself so I could tell others and have them shower their attention on me because I'm manipulative like that. I don't know. I feel so trapped. ",2.428466753585397,4.293707894915254,3.915000000000002,87.20272164276405,76.83050847457628,7.385919165580182,25.922425032594525,8.263242389622931,1.6519074315514994,1139,43,238,21,26,377,138,295,0.138,0.6709999999999999,0.191,0.7671,1,1,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,3,4,19,21,2,2,8,1,23,5,1,2,2,57,59,20,4,12,13,0,6,5,1,0,3,0,1,0,13,11,0,1,17,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,7,8,43,14,29,47,3,20,0,2,2,1,15,5,0,5,19,151,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599412043012856,0.06768095503462705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701506033528402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318475619462595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004573943513123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146236853434954,0.0,0.0,0.0639318449608783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699264246605325,0.0,0.0912492266958003,0.0,0.2936532021266839,0.13829999994979605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478317959718485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933906761035394,0.10288801205982794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603538639079443,0.10708875720887732,0.3023896853795912,0.15958715395492434,0.15780084978175687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836880785272982,0.2364444823456837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128298973303873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873608025169138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724307101961842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754607535064327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177188472035002,0.0,0.09348471752176718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287691965851233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847479027437683,0.0,0.0926192505015263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295285028568696,0.0,0.0,0.1860270784471308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266196197192212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623612899763752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175491410433275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333992234571185,0.16920529390615252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861191065815494,0.0620219980917023,0.0,0.15368801930559434,0.056441643053413613,0.0,0.0,0.09249127919027204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359935761173411,0.10660545105425992,0.0,0.228367582264366,0.07683095739216618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261776336507708,0.0,0.1049694908417846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582957513710163,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,flymy11smile,2019/04/07,"12 years old and dying I'm 12 years old and for the last 5 years I have tried to kill myself 2 times and I self harm.
Every day I am surrounded and mocked.
I am threatened and I don't know what my life is worth anymore",-1.0058503401360532,0.9757468163265308,1.0807142857142864,101.86011904761908,91.04081632653065,4.082993197278912,14.289115646258502,5.46131890053228,-1.1901455782312929,170,3,43,1,6,56,35,49,0.268,0.6940000000000001,0.038,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,7,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24869767335700416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172669589680838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602609423861873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128557477170287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774412082865649,0.0,0.13781730835325548,0.20441202033329836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771271341096574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5262844378226752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616090813666164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622671935462495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025720235926622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844653457933165
suicidewatch,menhera-chan,2019/04/07,"My boyfriend left me today and I have no friends I met him three years ago, when my mental health still allowed me to feel safe around people I don't know. Now all of my friends and my family have abandoned me, my AvPD makes it litterally impossible for me to talk to people and create new friendships, and even if I managed to do that my bipolar disorder and overall shitty mental state would make them run away. This is my third serious relationship and everytime I got abandoned because I'm not good enough for people to want to stay. My boyfriend was the only person that loved me and now he's gone. I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life alone and at this point I'm just waiting for my cat to die of old age so I can kill myself.",7.841685714285719,5.985069206666669,7.713809523809527,77.92500000000003,63.6,10.704761904761904,34.76190476190476,9.23628265651192,2.831390476190476,591,20,121,8,7,190,97,150,0.171,0.7170000000000001,0.112,-0.8774,1,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,9,1,0,2,0,8,4,0,3,1,24,22,11,2,3,3,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,5,9,0,4,2,0,1,3,3,4,0,2,4,1,24,5,17,17,3,20,0,2,0,1,10,5,0,1,10,79,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106567891885266,0.0,0.0,0.16481832458631074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416660006044326,0.0,0.0,0.14951479994276815,0.0,0.0,0.09700866521439792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651594681008287,0.0,0.18238521589678766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443144589036082,0.0,0.10510873367387287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002055192658345,0.0,0.0804646370774509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458982784675113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044143611215544,0.1334768778288698,0.12727669426138244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915558536513892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606192450447444,0.0,0.08745773812244366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290322084750911,0.0,0.11240343244575818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436276918162624,0.0,0.21245086372721012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207460839347392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369586600520455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669879026480267,0.0,0.0,0.1210311427885102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309774504764084,0.13895261544965828,0.0,0.0,0.15043625475405414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715770031518686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085398256251913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961926518049592,0.1270873112421189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279085919964457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084362168246468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386334540579848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130466235474986,0.0,0.0,0.10247925036427433
suicidewatch,deadasfishinabarrel,2019/04/07,"Eight years of promising myself I would, six years of chickening out, I hope I'm close now Every stupid little reason I've decided not to kill myself has only ever come back around to bite me in the ass. all i have are my cats, one of whom is dying and i can't afford nor can i convince anyone to help me to save her. my abusive ex abandoned me and now i am living with an even more extremely abusive family member, and i have no life prospects. don't try and talk to me about why that is or what \~secret ideas\~ there might be, like im too stupid to have considered any way forward and out of this that doesn't suck. just trust me that my only possible future will only ever be either relying on abusive people for survival, or dying homeless, the latter of which i would prefer at this point if it didn't mean abandoning the only creatures who have ever meant anything to me or been a reason to stay alive. 

i have nothing to live for except for the animals that, if/as soon as my senile fucking family member finally kicks me out for yet another horrible thing she invents from thin air to get mad at me for that i never did, i wont be able to keep them anymore anyway when the only place i have left is back to the sidewalk i slept on a few years ago. i have nothing else. i have nothing, i am nothing, i will only always be and have nothing. 

all i want, desperately, is for someone to actually care enough to do something about it, to help me in a way that doesnt make things worse. preferably without taking me on an indefinite guilt-trip about how horrible and unfair and tiring it is for them for me to be alive. i just cant take this much longer. im praying for this horrible, cruel family member to fucking drop dead, in the thin hope that maybe there's a stipulation in their will that i get to stay here when the house goes to someone else, but until that happens life is even more miserable than it was when i was living with my narcissistic rapist ex. at least they didn't scream at me for things that never happened, or make bizarre, anachronistic rules about how i have to construct questions i need to ask of them in order to be seen as ""polite"" enough; they just made shit up to their friends to make them hate me, lied to me constantly about anything and everything whether it was important or consequential or not, and eventually started trying to strangle me if i stopped them from hurting me in other ways. id much rather live with a liar who got off on pinching and choking me, but never actually yelled at or insulted me directly, than a explosive, cruel and hateful piece of shit who seems to only have me here so they have someone truly powerless around who they can take their stress out on and verbally abuse without any risk of repercussion. i dont know how to explain it but this is worse. so much worse. 

for the sympathetic of you, and of those, those of you who do pray, please pray for me that i find the courage to just end it already. that i can find a safe, trustworthy place for my cats to go so i can stop staying alive to keep them safe. ive been making plans for over half my life (im in my mid 20s) and i'm half a dozen years past the final date i gave myself at the start of those plans. please, please send me the opportunity and the strength to just end this horrible shithole life and start over, in the void or in reincarnation or in the afterlife or as a miserable ghost. literally anything would be better than this life ive been cursed with. ",10.153263955598248,6.431951331412108,9.584012167787382,72.13104333440072,60.902017291066294,12.759867648628454,39.24837229159996,10.338469443840273,3.7726880777030622,2760,94,553,43,27,891,296,694,0.163,0.705,0.132,-0.9864,2,0,1,0,1,1,62.0,0,2,13,6,39,39,16,4,27,0,61,13,4,10,8,106,102,47,5,12,28,2,2,1,1,8,6,2,0,0,41,29,0,8,15,0,0,4,18,24,0,6,15,5,80,15,110,72,13,87,3,5,1,4,36,42,6,18,36,408,121,0,0.05492447432634689,0.2603060830408601,0.10719672798368372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868723253715879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061052320269807,0.0,0.04570156254742227,0.0,0.0,0.07470105196478788,0.05759310028431184,0.0,0.0,0.05447031988522344,0.03840446950661874,0.0,0.13559448750623118,0.09778885363044176,0.05134696923610274,0.0,0.0,0.08446706094298125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857623415159098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599916210003688,0.0,0.0,0.04731257128682647,0.0,0.05935384446980412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400586578914272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437107485433856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176470109010383,0.0,0.09729356361093107,0.11350332843314052,0.0,0.07255419457499554,0.14904699454103745,0.04627623849310058,0.0,0.049362575973971534,0.0,0.15533371872553306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033415387483533,0.10039994898706317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042434512618486186,0.10155358294703884,0.05739154182287547,0.0,0.031214844494670487,0.0,0.04392811956499668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713906251185307,0.0,0.0,0.10845309469645173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736294347654412,0.0,0.0,0.10910479193245468,0.0,0.06337546907152232,0.058797785741351985,0.062003046084453235,0.1779835720787085,0.0,0.0,0.09763879281682576,0.06076579310421797,0.0,0.03018505469066497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059675602062418835,0.0,0.1939739026318918,0.02683332381349308,0.05504875245213376,0.1939972683727246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051970865625820616,0.1466500524334774,0.0,0.05517901681192604,0.059828854202785116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582661876175485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112742496263475,0.04072580176749905,0.12708342176075085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26350757218697024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037218245260100716,0.2924077640175253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052431625578310256,0.03807771486162501,0.0,0.11476877118515486,0.1808717379007245,0.051921381397406915,0.06191909224904287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061527981301965226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294301453153208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050001178607715496,0.0,0.0,0.11275836722018125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961198658017313,0.04228354370345454,0.0,0.0,0.11662747686871874,0.1756265450941192,0.0,0.09183863978397053,0.06291579977040232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388910777473335,0.04414621196140747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946814059875587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631276035215638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458022546081262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03239587800173992,0.13078947358923135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049560795124040366,0.0,0.0,0.10589046653232276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791819500299002,0.1170503121038496,0.0,0.0,0.14147824278616442
suicidewatch,NervousShow,2019/04/07,"Terrified future and the idealization to suffer by My disability hearing is Monday.   
My lawyer doesn't think we will have a chance; he even gave me some bad advice. Our synergy is off.  
Last bit of optimism told me to move forward despite his recommendation to withdraw my claim.   
After reading reviews, denial stats of my particular judge, and being informed of his bias against my background of using cannabis I am terrified I know I will lose.   
If I withdraw, win, or lose, I forgot to consider out of pocket expenses, and my lawyer's law firm failed to mention it on the phone (makes me wish contracts come in alternative formats for the learning disabled). I was a fool and thought I could win and have those expenses covered, and no one held my hand and told me a lawyer is expected to bill expenses. I foolishly thought the ""we only get paid, if you win"" meant for, you know, the whole ordeal.   
I'm terrified by rent, bills late and piling up.   
I'm terrified of my dreams being taken from me; I waited three years trying to save money to move back home and  
I can't dig myself out of this pit.  
I'm terrified of the time it would take to find a job, pay of debts, and save to move in time.   
I'm terrified by the time I move back to start learning skills to follow my dreams that my contemporaries or younger would be more valuable with their head start.   
Or worse my aging looks would play apart in my lack of success.   


Should I go to respite/hospitalize on Monday? Partly as an excuse to get out of the hearing.  
Or should I lie down and rot after being handed dismissal/denial and lawyer fees? 

Should I risk driving a broken car, with a dying rear tail light for 80 miles to have a 51% chance of denial?  


Please don't tell me to be patient or good things come with time. That will break my heart.  
",4.944224137931034,6.032916525862071,5.357528735632187,82.47784482758622,69.08620689655173,8.213793103448278,28.580459770114945,8.472884824447931,1.9686528735632176,1413,49,274,21,24,451,189,348,0.156,0.7040000000000001,0.14,-0.8132,3,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,2,1,9,3,17,0,1,16,0,26,4,4,2,0,59,59,20,1,13,7,0,2,0,0,9,0,2,2,0,7,22,0,3,10,4,11,11,4,7,0,2,11,6,42,10,53,33,6,42,0,4,1,0,19,14,0,8,18,174,49,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913528425629786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717545865339107,0.09325059661480536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192885363138806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240994130742972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916974628695419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590926760357348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376553387444902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207619120274164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669946161599826,0.0,0.06347199310653821,0.0936743580556392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461892522188018,0.0,0.2517495986244176,0.13234483116161966,0.0,0.0,0.11202710295661668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082809296961277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227560549643924,0.09103650877834073,0.12598322995763328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378554828564717,0.2498893029334264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454923505001274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748051964632447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567925597034111,0.08493991461195162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094174930511985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259433918972405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171317103336352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809953090552056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397167781283922,0.0,0.09761581921347798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419718810021189,0.07156192354520824,0.0,0.17732757127721174,0.2604929005339279,0.0,0.0,0.21343568584251305,0.0,0.07582539065893776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964582087309409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469002306033786,0.12842987852618254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381446539548246,0.23800908584510685,0.0,0.0,0.07192015686944847
suicidewatch,imsad2244,2019/04/07,yeh im in so much pain and i just want it to stop.,-5.482142857142856,-4.4879520714285706,-1.0599999999999987,115.13000000000002,105.42857142857143,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.9746,37,0,14,0,2,14,13,14,0.359,0.56,0.081,-0.6682,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479310541383496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728966492227169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397635645576193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240945564785884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991968423138673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jayjacks64,2019/04/07,"What's the point I'm suicidal everyday, tried twice with tablets... need a different plan",3.765000000000001,6.960115500000002,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,81.5,10.7,33.0,10.125756701596842,4.676350000000001,72,4,13,3,2,22,16,16,0.273,0.727,0.0,-0.6705,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102626201205283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621343001550107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461685523658286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342183636555264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33158411351655553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xkkjflor77x,2019/04/07,"To whoever finds this post so many thoughts rushing thru my head rn. my desire for death grows stronger, but ik i wont do it. i rlly want to. people always say, ""ignore what people think, u do u"", but when it comes to suicide u must consider the feelings of others. i feel so selfish for saying that, i disgust myself. but life is so unfair. i sound so edgy and like i only want attention, but ik this post will be ignored like the so many others on this subreddit. as it should be tho, as like i said, i probs wont even do it. the thought of my parent's financial struggle hurts more than my pain atm. suicide seems rlly nice tho. ur dead, so nothing matters. the chances of going down in history are close to none. happiness is always short lasting and not as u had hoped it would have been like. we work so hard for so long, and for what? just to keep hoping we'll be happy someday. i hate waiting. suicide is seeming nicer by the second. what if i discover all of life's mysteries? no one will know, bc we're not dead. i love knowing things. i should just do it. yeah, i should. will i? no. do i want to live? no. it's 2 am. if ur reading this, thank u. weird how people could see u dying from millions of miles away. ",0.2364980645161303,2.544535424,2.0455612903225813,94.76071612903229,88.76,4.665806451612903,20.464516129032265,6.207218560251982,0.13610709677419353,936,31,202,9,31,307,146,250,0.306,0.557,0.138,-0.9964,1,0,0,0,0,3,44.0,2,0,0,1,15,20,2,1,5,1,28,5,1,1,2,46,51,24,7,14,10,1,3,4,0,11,3,4,0,0,18,6,0,4,11,1,1,4,8,9,0,3,5,8,22,11,26,31,3,16,0,1,1,1,9,7,0,6,7,133,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895280473540468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700162014951227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981045149384847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093038173835348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819786854936795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522201681220245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517049195565215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409166134209824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647252325278406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24247200317417456,0.1020213688725546,0.11244092171899596,0.11688204866396686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22623316380562164,0.0,0.0,0.12191956794405714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122897728812492,0.0,0.0,0.1251798440996526,0.09283400301154142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608850680556875,0.2225598943630446,0.0,0.10056527998509132,0.10078738581142913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027884579222772,0.0,0.0,0.2309293185717402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927870478778393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717352489612808,0.08661703304204535,0.12118496950397135,0.0,0.12645925875868133,0.0,0.0,0.2368670088010484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814663895558956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391892104948025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083336644603351,0.18113677859369076,0.0,0.0,0.0907540716033489,0.20735890019269745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906057124899826,0.0,0.37372529414495503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485286233896472,0.0,0.0,0.0756621939480808,0.07297489672064557,0.0,0.1808288620344657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152245867803484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291189415575616,0.0,0.0,0.08090283956266918,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gnasher1999,2019/04/07,"Eager to end it all, someone help me I'm 5""6 average, a diabetic and never had a GF. I'm alone and on night outs I see this negative world, just like I see myself. I always ask if ending it would be my best option since I'm depressed and have been hounded with anxiety for 6 years. 

I'm that much of a mess, I've been thinking of hiring an escort (legal in UK) next week to just wind down as even my love for gaming has vanished...help me",2.220243161094228,3.1383308723404286,4.459908814589666,87.00500000000002,75.38297872340425,7.073556231003039,23.003039513677805,7.447530270364453,0.8264273556230997,338,9,75,4,7,118,70,94,0.13699999999999998,0.703,0.159,0.4981,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,2,13,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,8,4,12,11,3,12,0,1,2,1,5,5,0,2,8,47,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284449938774865,0.0,0.0,0.18353270832215274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873618069919002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20620407274384828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314756144122208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997744467424496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907208033269969,0.0,0.0,0.14568503885030126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29568813015328504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107759829604633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907390309881084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621450348472792,0.0,0.17011792214905025,0.0,0.23457971832254434,0.20699090410830054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515329954623638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824585774601792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688905865969832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133296492682398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692871950662964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668728152041755,0.0,0.0,0.1420404665609644
suicidewatch,sloulm95,2019/04/07,"Shouldering everything myself is all I know how to do. I'm sorry for the click baity title. I'm honestly at a loss for words and am having trouble keeping it together. 

I'll keep it brief as to not make it any more drawn out than I have to make it. Currently I'm at a loss. Over the past two years I have began to have suicidal thoughts but thought nothing of it. As late I've struggled with the concept of remaining alive. I am by no means an introverted person, however whenever I make the attempt to do any kind of social activity with people I'm rejected under the guise of them feeling out of it or needing to study. The last majority of these are lies as I see them hanging out with other people and generally being in good spirits. This drop and self confidence has affected me mentally as well as in school as I'm no longer to focus on class work and I'm under consistent pressure to perform well. I'm well aware of how cliche all this sounds But as it's hands I have nothing to look forward to future wise and I feel like everything that I've done up until this point has just been a waste of time. Several avenues of which I could kill myself but I cower out of it every time often wishing I would get in a fatal car accident or something similar to remove the burden I feel I'm putting on others myself.

Not asking for anyone to trouble themselves with this in particular, it's just that I don't feel confident in any way shape or form talking to a counselor or psychiatrist. I've tried and when I have I just feel like I'm giving other people an unnecessary burden of them having to listen to my problems. 

I'm sorry for the long post. and I'm only writing this because this is the first time in a very long time where I have an easy means to kill myself and how quickly I can remove a burden from those around me.",5.500847665847665,5.562069094594598,6.659901719901723,77.26941031941034,67.51351351351353,9.538083538083539,31.41277641277641,9.339509955726095,2.706216216216215,1455,54,281,26,22,492,185,370,0.199,0.6970000000000001,0.104,-0.9907,3,1,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,3,6,14,23,2,2,19,0,24,2,2,7,2,59,59,27,4,5,12,0,6,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,23,17,0,2,10,0,0,7,5,14,3,2,5,11,27,9,65,51,5,49,1,3,3,0,11,23,0,5,20,196,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587426318494573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056118269401583,0.0,0.0,0.08983455903832742,0.09434065679329952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061516035077223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057135209987469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326971835640217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502411726168396,0.0,0.18138939484355365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25512491208866944,0.14418548848855955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583711404608421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272322622445343,0.09680558524422887,0.0,0.08464159650451822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939340880060442,0.2232920430281968,0.10508605571507693,0.055459512552042886,0.08225810780170567,0.1138350124596129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860264121420856,0.0,0.0,0.1786108403856705,0.08474206496546023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020819700437906,0.0,0.0,0.21984913558297134,0.0,0.0,0.10169724171858242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482620579829954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365877129626205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674939149775402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633351427332636,0.20988249254103444,0.08811392206233963,0.0,0.0,0.09539603399225977,0.0,0.0966473983759903,0.0,0.0,0.09656075113416177,0.0,0.10144610840590997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213001906018024,0.08041512768186768,0.0,0.10527496368301806,0.1140037203712361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286877568522952,0.0,0.07768827145745782,0.0,0.22592917774404975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549687600474553,0.0,0.11038317332273877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111058341583835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022835969964133,0.2353742842431681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851375610323611,0.0,0.0985779898437846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832643442434067,0.0,0.08010057213777695,0.0,0.0,0.27220051905117026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604573741386882,0.0,0.0,0.07346635183511258,0.0,0.0,0.07168617405610292,0.0,0.0,0.06498509330237197
suicidewatch,RafaStart,2019/04/07,"I don’t want to live I am killing myself day by day, I don’t want to live, I hope somebody help me, ",-0.7112499999999997,0.10812370833333418,1.8733333333333315,103.005,82.75,4.800000000000002,20.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.7852666666666668,75,2,22,0,2,26,15,24,0.172,0.508,0.32,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339675085022878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255167336235494,0.0,0.0,0.33417282609417465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722343712283834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5941866922471926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396896301762645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,don_chachoep,2019/04/07,"no idea I've never really seen myself alive past the age of 27.

 When I was in young my dad would sometimes come home and scream and yell at me on how I was going to be a fat lonely kid that had no friends. Those words really dug into me. Really lowered my self esteem but I eventually said that I was better than that and I tried my best to be the friendliest/fittest person possible and I think I did that in high school. But I would still sometimes relapse to that helpless lonely fat kid. I just constantly try to fight the idea that I'm not worthless but it's like I'm constantly reminded that I am. I dated this girl in HS who ended up cheating on me with 3 other people. And I just feel like the universe has to constantly remind me that I am never going to be good enough.
I'm always trying to be there for people and just be someone they can lean on but I feel like I have no one I can go to when I'm feeling really down. On some days when I'm hanging out with my friends I still feel really empty and that I don't belong even when I get along with everyone I just have this fake smile I put on because I just don't want to open up with anyone anymore. I'm just living one day at a time and setting small goals for myself.  
One small goal I set for myself up for was that I would keep studying computer Science until I could take Artificial Intelligence because that seemed really cool. I got to that point excited wondering if it was finally going to be that thing that gave me passion and hope. I was utterly devastated with how the teacher taught the course and the insane amount of work he gave us. I ended up dropping the course which pushed me to keep trying. 
Now I feel like I have no purpose like I'm only staying alive for the sake of not dissapointing my parents. I just don't want to try anymore. I feel like I've already tried everything and I'm just never going to achieve anything with my life. I don't want to study anymore, I don't find myself wanting to do all the hobbies that I enjoyed doing. 
I just have no idea of what I want to do with myself anymore. And I just wish I could fade away. 

 If you made it this far thank you. I really appreciate you ",3.6178967149220496,4.601581097995549,4.967265451002231,84.44094271993322,72.0957683741648,7.839671492204901,26.057976057906465,8.17850203761792,1.5155907015590198,1719,54,356,25,32,574,199,449,0.112,0.7090000000000001,0.179,0.99,2,4,0,0,1,0,24.0,1,3,1,6,22,25,2,0,12,1,36,4,2,3,4,78,78,25,0,14,18,2,6,6,2,3,3,3,1,5,27,24,2,2,13,0,0,9,15,8,0,3,15,11,62,17,54,52,5,62,0,4,1,1,20,24,0,6,31,247,89,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961140569254244,0.0,0.06002861292878552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861852038519969,0.050443943406880166,0.0,0.05936740125929382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778056259619734,0.0,0.0,0.0879551978460322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570944812525737,0.06380446958237271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062144659178675524,0.0,0.23388230665961146,0.0,0.11520035720394987,0.0,0.0,0.09305231289216344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779426664903326,0.0745428273001807,0.0,0.04764965812692825,0.0,0.0,0.0689355646757201,0.06483732286471765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886549180266326,0.20615540566972687,0.0,0.07902894280222851,0.06593723868369318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147474137907563,0.0,0.037691650541453056,0.0,0.20500216112506806,0.06050998213078431,0.057699210684981926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622285970292021,0.07236513960460847,0.07165410719593016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443214178911631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282477222688682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050956613605031016,0.21147205290254906,0.0,0.06370343968165293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826328909408975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669229914540853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665754390491012,0.05486787229763277,0.0,0.0,0.08010607402191364,0.0,0.0688684933650025,0.10002950793069007,0.06299233556140306,0.0,0.0,0.0681982919817822,0.08133019998304646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252346907884165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235158048411752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862435087402415,0.0,0.0,0.07301239442025742,0.0,0.06567612198184941,0.07526070436228532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061126384857875526,0.0,0.14270220503984868,0.0,0.0,0.0768946567529664,0.115226712781961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424242908533062,0.0,0.0,0.0664194242033545,0.0,0.0,0.04792848992284058,0.04622621179205855,0.0,0.0,0.04206706371860547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938814716684906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677894051584187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127585483578056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296069293650499,0.0,0.07823582059034086,0.05252083869329277,0.0,0.0,0.15374458742378033,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayAsYNot,2019/04/07,"13 and really sick of life's shit. My mom is going through the 2nd transmet amputation in a 2 year period of time. Just because she has had this before doesn't make it any easier. Not only that but middle school is being bloody horrid, my god damned foster brother is an idiot, and my life is falling apart. I really just want to fucking die and escape from this reality.",4.839041095890412,5.8531657808219215,6.430027397260279,74.96668493150689,69.27397260273972,9.127671232876713,25.558904109589037,9.3871,2.2037912328767124,294,8,53,6,5,101,61,73,0.307,0.598,0.095,-0.9715,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,3,0,8,6,1,1,0,9,12,4,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,6,10,0,8,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,0,3,33,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884169656194032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889917885133698,0.0,0.2357659932595005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875547094695348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256146566124382,0.0,0.0,0.15746515282648732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914051883551239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849462434643282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245008019291524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072406869262134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549960182407237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804094303815547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844081688413109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615616289374274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342294709695507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842386757484813
suicidewatch,wiserchip4mk2,2019/04/07,"Should I try again This is not my main account I made this second account so no one who only knows my first account can read this. my main account is u/wiserchip4 .


Today I had full intention to kill myself. And I tried to hang myself but the noose I had made was to long. And it took me a while to get some thing to cut it with. And when I finally cut it I noticed the thing I was going to use to hold the noose would not hold my weight. So should I try again.",0.9593939393939408,2.5937574646464694,2.5262626262626284,96.5427272727273,80.41414141414141,5.612121212121212,19.080808080808087,6.42735559955562,-0.20893131313131308,355,8,85,3,9,116,56,99,0.107,0.893,0.0,-0.8435,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,3,0,4,0,10,1,0,4,0,18,17,8,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,4,1,2,1,1,4,3,3,3,0,3,7,1,16,0,8,7,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081436524017024,0.0,0.17922349752356498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008339585601144,0.0,0.11974712558501135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23311117437621626,0.0,0.1157966215545502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186465143110222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987437306579853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23988627129306445,0.0,0.0,0.14277751375554562,0.16024879831873076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107595880718301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27996284870328275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997213985734171,0.0,0.2340983068722637,0.4291596403406333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819793686834673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565789653959319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496770596401932,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anxiousbuffraccoon,2019/04/07,"Thoughts trigged by a stupid grade This is probably going to sound incredibly ridiculous and like I’m overreacting and you guys are free to tell me but. 
So I’m a 3rd year in college taking an art history class that’s required for my major (art) and it’s the 4th fucking one. I thought I’d be able to scrape by with a C or even a D and just get it done while I finish my studio classes like I’ve done in the past (and that’s cause I actually try but whatever). A couple weeks ago I got about a 45 on a paper I thought I’d at least get a 60 worst case scenario and my grade dropped to a D. Fast forward to today in the same situation but I got a 35 and my professor says she’s “looking forward” to a presentation I have to do on Tuesday about almost the same subject. 
Honestly I cried for what felt like 2 hours and hit myself and debated between overdosing on something. If I don’t pass this class I have to take it again next year and honestly my mental health has been deteriorating by the month it feels like. I don’t think I can take it and if I fail next semester then I won’t be able to graduate and get my degree. 
All this time and money would have been for a waste all because I’m too stupid to write these damn papers. I’m just so tired and I’ve lost all motivation for my  school art and I’m wondering if I should just skip all of next week’s classes including the presentation because I don’t see the point of trying anymore. I might even lose my scholarship because of my GPA that keeps going down due to me getting C’s in these history classes. 
I can’t drop out of school and I can’t withdraw from the class. I just wasted 3 years of school because I couldn’t fucking write papers and I feel so stupid and useless I just don’t want to do anything anymore. I can’t pass my classes how am I supposed to get a real job and do adult things like I’m expected too. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. ",2.039175302875492,3.602890369727049,3.8485279521237774,88.5819321996789,77.06451612903227,7.0240548824989055,25.748722814187712,7.827709963407826,1.3114271493212666,1501,56,333,23,34,506,189,403,0.166,0.757,0.077,-0.9912,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,5,18,20,7,0,22,0,29,7,0,3,4,62,65,34,0,8,12,0,3,5,0,4,5,2,1,2,15,21,0,2,9,3,3,6,9,12,0,1,11,7,40,9,40,46,9,42,0,4,2,2,8,13,3,7,30,199,55,24,0.18037793926562865,0.0,0.0880114244463497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994707988845014,0.0,0.09031122531759173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888644675335738,0.0,0.0,0.07421783740956853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199134351376491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264891550796962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979237947709063,0.09906834819389193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458925775161605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913792770008652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120450584336133,0.06443101792629077,0.0865955543666155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675649827968336,0.2356000711034925,0.0,0.10251293969589836,0.0,0.144264715869066,0.0,0.0,0.08930125942609278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586665729332812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881796790385899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949863597425782,0.080164100142486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030887470885724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573601981913307,0.10089838757413162,0.09845191424179177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908892687178324,0.09567624433572723,0.0,0.0,0.0719879751079518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877509771281517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111437993207493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609557660915043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525772795422508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723896331930593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265479232039124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717218885721932,0.0,0.2738281566830913,0.07186893199209134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137618063698084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943187505773404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343264302435152,0.0,0.07882913469882971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991754392016044,0.05778945006972485,0.0,0.21479990304836172,0.0525899134733754,0.3109768597785688,0.08548859769248568,0.0,0.0,0.1224647804424613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053195791005062665,0.0,0.14468830264931587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978060903629178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406765637919865,0.0,0.0,0.17423621844603446
suicidewatch,key_buds,2019/04/07,"I'm just a middle aged loser. I'm 37, still working towards my bachelor's degree in biology, but I doubt that will even improve my life when I graduate. I was in the army for over a decade, but yeah I wasn't good enough for them to keep me. Today my girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me, she just isn't happy with me. I've never been married and I have no children... I really should have died when I was in Iraq or Afghanistan, but now I'm just on this shitty path.",2.0903217821782185,3.3374809405940584,3.820878712871288,90.15527846534651,76.22772277227722,6.6341584158415845,22.525990099009906,7.1686216300943375,0.5991673267326725,369,10,83,4,8,124,71,101,0.262,0.677,0.061,-0.9718,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,8,5,0,1,3,1,9,1,0,0,1,15,13,7,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,15,2,13,7,1,16,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,3,8,58,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136048509307872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250317265912602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235989881670803,0.0,0.2068526471941841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262680793051734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333862734116321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27836905752056085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120852133239305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415439691639441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063133195533608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25010620750878715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968583234404612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279990023774531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167785758030649
suicidewatch,rbsh123,2019/04/07,"I can’t do it Why can’t I do it? What’s wrong with me? I get to that final step and I stop..I can’t even do something as stupid as this

Please help me

Please?",-3.6876923076923056,-2.2608439999999987,-0.6498717948717943,111.29903846153849,104.3846153846154,2.6,9.064102564102564,3.1291,-2.55794358974359,120,1,37,0,6,41,25,39,0.165,0.635,0.199,-0.1877,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040307048006748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383934226062905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139158867810235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070544033638209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6781760563686886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378123352845859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25826077338217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278741264205962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377422130894527,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,softer_smiles,2019/04/07,"The passive thoughts I try to put past me clear throwaway. i'll have to find a way to keep this account active though. abandoned accounts, especially on a subreddit like this, are disheartening. i'll see how i feel in the morning about it.

---

i don't know if you can still call it passive after so long. suicide always felt like an option in reach for me, as often as going outside if i didn't need to on that day or any other. it obviously wasn't one i pursued as commonly, or at all, but it stuck with me since i think i knew suicide was ever an option for me. 

the part of me i find people praise are the things they would brag about to their friends about. the accomplishments, the stuff that looks good just by basic description. it isn't that i don't value these things myself. to reflect on where i've gone to where i never knew i could have gone, it can be reassuring of future challenges. i like where i am. but i don't live through the good things i have done. i live as my own whole, one that seems more protected, more fragile, more ignored or insulted. it's easier i suppose to compliment a grade or a public achievement than it is to say something about how i look or who i am, in the things i don't achieve but do just because. i do have a lot of friends. i do have a lot of people who i believe love me to some extent. i don't have a lot of nice things said about me. all those compliments are reserved for the choices i made, the actions i did that i am now distant from. and as much as the good choices feel singular and separate, never tied back to my personality or character, the bad choices feel more attached. maybe not bad so much as personal failures or things that look bad to others. i don't think i've made many big mistakes that are held to me still, but if or when i do, i don't want that to be who i am. the things i value in myself i lose out on, because nobody really tells me what about me works beyond the things i have done that feel separate from myself. ""you did this cool thing, which means you are _____."" but then thinking of that kind of thing makes me feel self-centered. thinking about suicide so often does that too.

the sadness or the emptiness by itself isn't the worst of it. it is how much of a constant it always seems to be in my life. happiness is in fleeting minutes to a morbid month of routine and awaiting the approaching parts to my future i can't stand to look at, i can't stand to imagine myself failing at and ruining what so many think of as my whole self. and it isn't bad to think like that, to generalize others based on how their lives seem to be going is reasonable enough. i only wish more people had put effort in looking beyond that version of myself, the one i don't see as a massive part of me, and instead were patient or gentle enough to try and address the parts i buried away in attempting to make my friends and family proud. in my strength and in my success i seem to do that well. the weakness and the feelings of failure are kept more often to myself, shielded in some part of my chest to burn about at three in the morning because for as much as i like the daytime i always see it ending. the night ends on the sun, which is a nicer thing to anticipate, a better thing to predict and have seen through.

i keep putting off suicide. it gets better, i suppose i thought at eleven or twelve or whenever it came to mind at first. in success, maybe, i'd be happier. it didn't happen. i don't feel happy except in moments i know will end soon, with that sadness staining months and months until i feel i missed out on everything. barely out of my teenage years and i don't see their worth. they built responsibility, they gave me a lane to study, i have a profession i see myself working toward... they didn't make me happier. i'm as miserable when i left those years as i was when i entered. i watch myself succeed. the only thing i more often feel is my own weakness. but nobody else has to watch that. i wouldn't want them to, with their own problems that deserve their own time. i can't ask to be a distraction from themselves too often, if ever. but an interest in something beyond what i make public, what i present myself as, it might go a bit further. a recognition, an acknowledgement, a compliment toward who i am and less what i do.

and i do love to be complimented on the things i do, but it might depend on what i value or what i consider personal. i write sometimes, and i consider that a point of pride. i write, but unfortunately i'm not as often read. but in regards to grades or jobs, it feels not only more distant from myself but also like it was a set lane made by others that i was supposed to follow. i'm being praised not for surprising them, not for going above and beyond, but for doing what they expected me to do eventually. it isn't the things i take pride in that they consider unless it involves some sort of success, whether that be translated toward bragging rights of a friend or family member, or the promise of money. and again, i don't dislike the idea of that. i just feel like the things i value are what others consider unnecessary until i might just stumble into success through it. and if i don't feel like i might, then what's the point in feeling pride in something so self-centered, so personal, when it isn't successful or affecting much of anything? i'll drop a hobby for months and no one asks about it. but i wouldn't dare drop school or a job. it's what i am to so many. it'll be what makes me. it'll be what people remember me for, for better or for worse. it isn't their fault, and i do it too. i only wish it didn't feel so lonely, like having a stranger complimented on your behalf. or maybe it's the other way around.

i need to do a few things first. before the suicide, i mean, if it comes to that. i don't know yet. pull in some more shifts over the summer. finish that second book, if only for my own sake. i considered a more selfish public image if only to minimize the pain of mourning but i realize it would hurt regardless. that's when i feel most self-centered. because i know people love me in some kind of way. i know people like having me around. i know people would miss me if they knew i was gone. 

maybe it's not suicide i want. maybe it's an eraser taken to my life, like i hadn't been here to hurt so many if i leave. have somebody better in my place. less cynical, mostly. and less long-winded, but that's a given. it isn't that i want to die. i'm afraid of dying sometimes, if i'm being honest. i want to leave. 

i get these images in my head sometimes of myself as a stranger to greece. greece because it just seems like a scenic country that fits my own dumb personal appeal. a village, on a hill and by the sea, with every door open, the doorways to the ground for the smaller animals to enter and leave as they want. the lights all go up to the night, each home alive and bustling... a party, essentially, as far as i could look to find. that one song too, somewhere in this dumb little dream of mine, the one that gives me that image in the first place. (the one i can't name or link in fear of myself being recognized for my main account. pm me if the curiosity eats away at you and i'll probably send it over) and on the ocean are these makeshift boats and ships that line the water with their own little lights, the water as blue as ever even as the night grows darker. and i would walk the length of the place, finding places to sit and people to meet, wondering what i did to deserve something that feels fit for me.

a happy moment, one separate from the stresses of the future or the regrets of the past, only seems to exist in my mind in hours like this when i should be asleep. and suicide might not bring me there. but it might take me somewhere else. i might be somebody else. even if that somebody else is a stranger to existence, nothing for nothing's sake. i like the idea of it. but i fear it just as much.

so for now, i guess it's still passive. no attempts. i'm still here. i don't want to be, but if i leave right now i don't know what i might miss. i'll try, for the sake of the people who might love me right now, or love me somewhere down the line. i might fail at it. and i'm sorry for that. and i'm sorry i took too much time to tell you that. and i'm sorry it took so long to try. and i'm sorry if i said something i might regret tomorrow. 

the only thing i feel like i can promise is that i'll be here then. and i'll try to be here for a while. if it means anything to anybody, and i hope it might, i'll stay to see the moments i might have missed. 

and thanks. that's it, that's all i got. love you.",3.3930985441055554,4.459712018623026,4.423981311354929,87.81091667104137,72.71896162528215,7.142429173884894,25.700316727037286,7.426556711363887,1.1187972456996866,6755,212,1437,73,129,2201,511,1772,0.134,0.705,0.161,0.9959,2,2,5,0,0,8,212.0,0,7,17,32,82,108,4,6,103,1,139,17,3,15,11,282,273,149,10,43,73,0,19,15,4,23,5,4,3,6,145,53,3,7,59,4,5,25,45,41,1,14,44,42,202,67,238,186,57,190,2,19,16,6,68,90,2,81,80,1071,347,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02141269635870391,0.0668391400095842,0.0,0.0,0.01820854617372852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406860718773772,0.047672497502316384,0.05006374799954931,0.0,0.05031372309813008,0.020589032401637373,0.08942711080592547,0.08161177223901474,0.0,0.0227843387687934,0.030167296623374588,0.0,0.094724513696222,0.029232373571759063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0273412116335124,0.03062452331035985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02306508720332579,0.0,0.028935260995418526,0.0,0.04275679229527661,0.0,0.0,0.0172682555483817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557836246472185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02343179110515085,0.05480213230979488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02739845436945015,0.0894713931313937,0.0,0.07114656214953859,0.05533337328692279,0.0,0.035370489899907286,0.07266106730157475,0.02255987039500556,0.0,0.02406447353110698,0.0,0.05048391538196921,0.060260716201790576,0.23015809472090204,0.05738617532125224,0.02570908559708833,0.0,0.09789083601300093,0.06832676058256383,0.0,0.0,0.08274804833940899,0.0,0.027978629799106255,0.025685905681336,0.0760868719164599,0.06737512280043875,0.021415152059741958,0.0,0.029496698492821313,0.0,0.023677860732851868,0.0855104054245244,0.0,0.0,0.027479822377473588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026858434457934576,0.026594533670203112,0.026368891060302137,0.0,0.057328359824922785,0.06045351693696405,0.0,0.0,0.05314194498584796,0.0475993421937437,0.0,0.05576600789533478,0.10300743117925597,0.0,0.0,0.11340734744441225,0.02909211924112661,0.0,0.03782525326937571,0.1962204558576668,0.053673019293131966,0.0709308930563731,0.0710875491569428,0.13491019236873358,0.029955409393990676,0.0,0.06829179796155199,0.14499789822880052,0.07600807872551482,0.08936568431370229,0.10858633517533113,0.1345000704828763,0.08750049100670207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692653052681961,0.05407209957876469,0.0,0.08548914676039768,0.0,0.13778369261016815,0.03970801601536599,0.041302485791620144,0.0,0.0,0.07538217109574033,0.0,0.05138444152090648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451524699048451,0.16291437120184268,0.02849147045978605,0.0,0.0,0.14497857934420771,0.05112129750228042,0.16706748564058,0.11689851807598955,0.11190056442107613,0.0,0.05062380492441235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028868974275103727,0.025620942633564608,0.0,0.08075159606789731,0.0,0.0,0.026783169457212264,0.0,0.01715334223851955,0.02753010889414096,0.0,0.0,0.030331901684801668,0.06859947713436576,0.050940069769475176,0.02129328908365084,0.0,0.02709866409251657,0.12802166609155535,0.14625477079202515,0.1117325113399603,0.0,0.0,0.022149320623918597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306707036416847,0.0794462190359977,0.11989381677833345,0.0,0.0285395718138489,0.08553314841834324,0.0,0.03067172991663992,0.0,0.030652026337712118,0.2050196008975031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026432435251568,0.0,0.0468066746922502,0.024651672911109042,0.0,0.0,0.32019720850799593,0.10294158373266288,0.026307208901790398,0.04251418473776047,0.03122651265228733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949807247174387,0.09089547223447496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055193399360654,0.06376044530161999,0.0,0.0,0.02407477089646497,0.0,0.0,0.05978872475567545,0.061581981213453124,0.0,0.02903734686438138,0.03898638243295048,0.0,0.027286953589911424,0.07608339129670896,0.0,0.0,0.03448563371723548
suicidewatch,whycanteveryonesee,2019/04/07,"No one will care anyway I dont want anyone to care either.

I dont want to worry thdm i dont want to cause them pain

I want them to hate me

I know ill never be what they want so ill get them to hate me to think im crazy so they wont care so they wont expect anything from me

There's pressure behind my ears.

I'm crazy i knwo i am i know but no one else sees that
No ones ever told me im crazy nbut i feel it
No ones ever diagnosed me with anything that would explain all this

I cant change the world

I might as well leave it.

I have so much yet i still want to die
In death perhaps ill expirence true silence for the first time

Those who know im have this crazyness in me are always scared of me at times like this.
I don't blame them.

Who wouldn't be",-1.8717292870905595,0.011322971098270074,0.4536199421965321,104.64917750481695,96.74566473988442,3.114547206165703,12.410645472061653,4.2952094502661415,-1.775142389210019,586,9,153,1,24,194,93,173,0.293,0.606,0.101,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,7,1,11,11,2,2,2,0,17,6,1,1,5,25,38,6,2,9,2,0,1,1,0,6,5,1,0,0,11,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,13,5,1,5,1,3,29,6,16,29,3,12,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,1,9,100,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070239083554214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622008983623839,0.0,0.1794066185836777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333419095812529,0.11198001199497844,0.11531474173655512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063960850180793,0.11313184954695199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832654770097006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106119483928632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720578463367525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055117113904356266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272112929636082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695155446459047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152432966000736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35323815242066503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797218612670389,0.0,0.0,0.11542246298407892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325521685221652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563898972382065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013254126313879,0.0,0.0840727650343895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954633180685525,0.0,0.11599092187985625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913482425228682,0.0,0.08686430728753003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705297213716273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984715661819421,0.0,0.0,0.1271254846163177,0.0,0.0,0.1041606697976464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385770213207744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801020534439184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070169779351614,0.0,0.07743530391584229,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hanns115,2019/04/07,I dont know anymore Idk what to do anymore. I keep trying to get better but then falling down the rabbit hole. 2 weeks ago i nearly broke my hand and then ODed. Its about my 12th OD in just over a year. Ive been fine in the week and a half following but everytime its like a switch just gets flipped and im back where i started. Ive slowly stopped believing and trusting my friends/ flatmates whenever they say something especially if its about me mattering. I always feel lost. Im gonna go for a walk and hope it fades. ,1.164034267912772,3.5211703177570115,2.6650700934579445,91.83691978193147,84.14018691588784,5.809657320872272,23.869937694704053,7.1686216300943375,0.9815676012461064,412,16,87,6,12,134,77,107,0.098,0.72,0.182,0.8537,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,0,6,0,5,1,1,0,0,16,16,10,1,2,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,2,3,12,6,10,13,0,20,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,2,11,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469915146714818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398599348738807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908999615794543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154202759830804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220411920427214,0.0,0.17430086791800378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097579324309395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964935431692767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226319018468784,0.0,0.20593188676714194,0.0,0.1120048637440206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574448554918716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257595184187328,0.0,0.0,0.17517338084843578,0.0,0.0,0.10830977992893663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628312510230888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513563600266344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672558763454802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517214846906691,0.0,0.0,0.1394939370136332,0.0,0.0,0.1647673487080172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380409426936074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161706936053976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691278430614433
suicidewatch,craftedtwig,2019/04/07,"first post on this subreddit. sorry to be here. Hi. I’m sorry. I don’t really know what to say here but I’m hoping you all understand. I know I shouldn’t die. That it’s wrong and there are people worse off and that I haven’t had my chance yet to contribute to the world but goddamn is it tough to keep at it. 

Next week is only the second week of the quarter and I’m falling behind. I can’t keep up like everyone else and I’m constantly trying to find any moment to myself to enjoy, but I end up feeling like this. I should wash my work uniform but I haven’t. And keeping myself clean is so much work.  It all just seems like so much effort for so little reward. I want out. I want to sleep forever. I don’t know how but I’d prefer that. 

This all sucks a little too much for me anymore. ",-0.7276254180601995,1.4304476035502989,1.7289066117828682,95.75447131463855,93.67455621301777,4.59593516851042,15.040133779264215,6.280692351149826,-0.5174493954206327,611,13,138,7,23,207,95,169,0.146,0.674,0.18,0.7532,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,5,10,9,1,0,4,0,13,2,1,1,3,32,30,14,1,6,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,11,6,0,3,8,0,0,1,6,3,0,3,1,2,17,6,19,26,6,19,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,2,11,93,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511865851142264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871675484872095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115337508565754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516642980353428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684621617519875,0.0,0.12388625071611875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365495765358082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072415662443046,0.0999255324318423,0.0,0.0,0.1278416864432685,0.11897618010495285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892577377189874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729775182733292,0.0,0.0,0.23061216679706475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205005126225948,0.2803796384791229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084689671256503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875686960902226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637996777104927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697055293211937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395998227157904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960643464602333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123288337292077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733542321191987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997434138874182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131534749386907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496480719784048,0.0,0.0,0.14561306583126718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500182397847485,0.0,0.22439589105099156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365889521624544,0.0,0.14254286946206804,0.0,0.15292952489442335,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deslondes704,2019/04/07,"How I feel Can’t link my actual song - call my music emo blues as it’s a folk blues tune with acoustic guitar and harmonica.

‘Clock rolls over to September first, and I’m as lost I was at broth, it ain’t that I wanna die, I’m just afraid there’s nothing of worth.’

‘Just like the dimmin’ stars in the sky, my lights faded away in this life,  atomic explosion behind the cloud, oh my pain is too loud’

Harmonica solo 

‘As my vision turns to black, I’m afraid I ain’t comin’ back, I wish you all well, I’m just eacapin’ my hell’

‘As I cease to breathe, and my soul prepares to leave, oh my family I don’t want ya to grieve, I’m just findin’ my peace’ 

Harmonica solo. 

",0.6800411099691672,2.623531870503601,2.798689619732788,92.68124100719429,82.81294964028775,5.9858170606372045,17.122816032887975,7.1686216300943375,-0.05983494347379281,506,10,117,7,14,171,89,139,0.098,0.789,0.113,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,0,2,9,8,1,2,4,0,6,3,1,1,1,15,16,8,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,7,18,2,18,14,1,10,2,2,3,0,3,6,1,0,5,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.2504740095505777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411509872142242,0.1973642650040752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620899337620113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26638412247842125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196670973954806,0.0,0.12978064161199515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832434245290536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27177767922508345,0.0,0.0,0.18129441841836227,0.12539655512913814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801868719111951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24628288342030286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27311619198451503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791844977628552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139128980209593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307781818219121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951591464473428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WannabeWanker,2019/04/07,"What's the point There is literally no point in living. I can't think of anything to do with my life, like literally everything ends and everything is meaningless. Ik people say that ""life is what you make of it"" and similar things, maybe stuff like ""changing perspective helps"" but again, no point in doing so. What is there for me to live for? My parents obviously love me very much, but they hate each other and are separated rn. My brother is the only person in my family I like but that isn't enough to convince me to live. People say suicide hurts people around you, but in the long run they forget and move on so guilt isn't stopping me from kms. If there was a non painful way to go I woulda been long gone. There is no meaning to this post, just wanted to rant sorry",2.781932773109244,4.895975993464057,3.8656069094304435,86.81308823529415,76.6470588235294,6.9858076563958935,22.693277310924373,7.957251820313856,1.1140218487394955,609,18,123,10,14,197,94,153,0.224,0.687,0.08900000000000001,-0.9768,1,0,0,0,0,3,18.0,0,2,2,0,9,9,1,1,4,0,14,4,0,1,1,20,22,11,1,2,6,2,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,3,2,15,5,19,19,3,20,0,1,0,1,11,9,0,1,8,85,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865097993693984,0.11753635751640586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967221265037247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169410485149575,0.13642421702207833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732346426858314,0.0,0.1244678973841217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503675492934664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035413790794825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849817997690218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134284858652266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651603017869667,0.19351230885772855,0.0,0.3497596829210271,0.23368810195772435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916391838935116,0.0,0.08813229909495053,0.0,0.13264376064617964,0.14382141392004993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032898378656225,0.0970586169207183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041618743180923,0.14049121961637578,0.0,0.14660576775742612,0.0,0.0,0.27460282483506804,0.11528513699581125,0.0,0.0,0.37443838352379605,0.0,0.12645003537785934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999408628126184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477988699058607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038455609943744,0.0,0.0,0.15114490387488366,0.14442143716564035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771610827750621,0.08460069168335747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894012101942578,0.07787581830665886,0.10480075357232692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hennleigh,2019/04/07,"Feeling helpless I think about dying constantly. 

It’s such an automatic response now, when I fail at even the smallest task, that somehow is enough for me to want to give up again. It scares me how much I’ve distanced myself from the reality of death. I don’t even know how I would do it, but I think about killing myself all the time. It’s the most appealing thought, just completely giving up. But when I try to fantasize about how I would do it, I’m at a loss. Nothing seems doable enough, or there’s a chance I might survive whatever I come up with. So I usually just end up praying for death. That I will die in my sleep or something. I don’t wish to suffer, just to be done. 

With every passion I have, to be truly successful would require a spiritual death anyway. When I realized that in the 8th grade, my entire existence lost all meaning. I feel like all of my potential has been wasted, and that it’s too late. I hate myself to the point where I push everyone around me away, telling myself that they hate me, making it nearly impossible for myself to make friends. And when I turn to the Internet hoping to find friends, either nobody has anything in common with me, or they all ignore me. The ones I find common ground with already have Internet friends. I keep trying to tell myself that I’m independent enough to not need friends, that once I turn 25 I won’t have the same desire for friendship. But I guess I don’t believe that enough to stay positive. And I don’t want to believe it either. 

My best friend of four years has never been a good friend to me, but I put up with her, supported her vigorously throughout college, ignored all the hurtful shit she did because... well as my therapist helped me realize, I needed to feel needed. And I made myself accessible and she took advantage of that. And I can hardly blame her, but I recently cut her out of my life for good. The thing that hurts the most is that my absence hasn’t affected her whatsoever. It’s like I was THAT disposable, after years of trying my best to be there for her. Deep down I knew she would never do 90% of the things I did for her. 

I’m afraid to trust people now. But at the same time all I want, all I think I want is someone new, a fresh perspective. Just someone who is my age who I can actually relate to. I’m back in a depressive cycle as I write this, but I was actually getting better before I realized my only friend couldn’t care less about me. I do think I could open up to someone without burdening them with my mental shit. 

But honestly, it hit me as I was desperately scanning through subreddits just earlier. That’s when I found this sub. I realized that nobody is really on here to make friends. Nobody can afford the massive effort it takes, including me. I have so much guilt over the pen pals of my past who I stopped writing. They were amazing people who shared things with me that have changed my thinking, and in return I showed them that I’m someone who can’t care enough to even keep up the friendship. 

In person it’s even worse. My own self-hatred for being overweight, gay and ugly makes me seem intimidating to new people, I know because they’ve told me to my face. I had myself convinced that loneliness wasn’t my problem, but as I get older it’s pretty clear. And yet I can’t trust anyone anymore, or if I can, nobody can get past my hard exterior. Nobody knows how to approach me and I don’t know how to make myself approachable. Nobody can afford the time it would take to get me to open up unless I’m paying them. 

If you read this far, thanks. I’ve never written something like this down before, I’ve just always kept these feelings inside. My therapist doesn’t even know I have suicidal tendencies. I’m not going to kill myself tonight, but in a way, I am killing myself, all the time. I can feel myself dying. I’m not equipped with the emotional intelligence it takes to thrive in this world and it’s really a fucking shame. I don’t expect any replies, just needed to give this up.",4.1781165099268565,5.477614204545457,5.081476837338903,82.95227272727277,71.09595959595958,8.088331591779868,27.670323928944626,8.53829466247534,1.9323872518286318,3158,111,621,52,58,1030,322,792,0.159,0.645,0.196,0.9859,3,0,2,0,1,3,92.0,0,1,6,11,44,57,9,4,29,0,61,9,4,13,12,142,136,44,10,22,30,0,7,3,9,8,2,0,0,1,48,24,1,7,27,2,1,7,20,25,1,2,20,8,121,32,96,101,25,82,1,8,1,3,42,37,3,14,39,453,169,8,0.0,0.0,0.10441373244233164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903697875777995,0.0,0.04451507815377867,0.0,0.0,0.036380847623442736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305618476908752,0.037407429117277936,0.0,0.044024747164812916,0.0476250506469069,0.0,0.0,0.05026364751849773,0.0411370816413024,0.0,0.06522443739941339,0.0,0.0910466490888039,0.12054908845492468,0.11228685241398158,0.04731511876493359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090906716741949,0.0,0.05659437081424835,0.04608426257425848,0.056092210404020106,0.05781292537993496,0.0,0.04271423787819978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607822155757083,0.0,0.16656914149248722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474758956536015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060178666520218665,0.047383834890832616,0.2763915090798271,0.0,0.1766764341229598,0.0,0.04507483460867935,0.05112015586225587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352523682375585,0.038219373843016026,0.0,0.0,0.09779340851107496,0.0,0.0,0.058658397248287586,0.3306627678069997,0.049458546160131914,0.11180313438780916,0.15396204810866407,0.03040445807069412,0.0897440887675067,0.0,0.0,0.05893468281450535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584838280391393,0.10563748190058356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035858949457156286,0.0,0.0,0.0531361300260282,0.0,0.0,0.11454260562008055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510393629477236,0.17756465282584824,0.0,0.14700701614269246,0.0,0.06034869310670665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778760704950623,0.07841006565872888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058399985551558585,0.0,0.0,0.05062162027069299,0.178553483224946,0.0,0.0,0.058275603113667016,0.0,0.0,0.05391395404336362,0.056753505809052425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865517775506599,0.1586739837767558,0.12378413639269588,0.10333846330788636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133330029074497,0.0,0.0,0.05697420830543393,0.03625200111660808,0.0406880569830632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214083634126367,0.11126747260930203,0.046712869143445655,0.0,0.0,0.0505734207306241,0.0,0.0,0.05442725704953348,0.0,0.05119088591847834,0.0,0.05378081778863954,0.0,0.0,0.05351302611416344,0.0,0.06854508034394688,0.0,0.052823362676029585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356138009303457,0.0,0.0,0.09740613884673599,0.055810653838863286,0.0,0.109830982782928,0.0,0.0,0.05353718465913851,0.0,0.18131658663740066,0.0823715929023158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702233464942959,0.0,0.04472718217542394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851872905413676,0.06070951901826437,0.0,0.0,0.1206727518183123,0.0,0.09352017912312637,0.04925427583757301,0.0,0.12423187675915975,0.10662617561589924,0.17139854898178494,0.0,0.04247187177993805,0.12478173576026325,0.0,0.0,0.05112015586225587,0.059438856013835986,0.1089660083832877,0.11638211686618592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058921093116777214,0.0,0.12621932036667938,0.04246465776361506,0.0,0.0,0.04810162015116215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152069071030039,0.05157069179566054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451959158028947,0.19001917005282432,0.0,0.0,0.06890262261985403
suicidewatch,throwaway7895146,2019/04/07,"Want to be with my dog I mean, there's probably no afterlife, so killing myself would be in vain, but damn if I don't feel like doing it right now.",3.3493749999999984,3.2969601875000016,4.662500000000001,90.1325,72.125,8.9,25.375,8.841846274778883,1.3642624999999995,114,3,28,2,2,38,30,32,0.35200000000000004,0.616,0.032,-0.8863,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373140589327304,0.2878502930064035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457777317636566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684920765772665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438904349932442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43442219266382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344096456727975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23765609360746304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862269486737501,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,i_dunno_dude_,2019/04/07,"I’m 16... and I don’t see a point in all of this but I’m too afraid to go through with it. I’m a junior in high school and I used to have a strong passion for learning. I wanted to expand my mind, try to tackle very difficult concepts and all of that until the start of this school year. Quickly and suddenly that all went away and instead of the all A’s student that I was, I’m now a B/C student with a couple of D’s here and there. I lost passion in most things. I hate leaving home. I hate studying. I hate having to speak to people. I hate hanging out with friends and these were all things I truly enjoyed. Pretty much the only thing I like doing nowadays is playing RDR2 or watching The Sopranos for like 5 hours straight.

I also have quite low self-esteem. I know I’m not shit and I have accepted it but sometimes it’s quite hard to swallow, despite everyone else telling me I’m not. I know I will never look good enough to find anyone as all my friends are constantly getting in and out of relationships and I have NEVER been in one before. I will never be smart enough to get into Ivy League universities as my parents and I so desperately want.

Me not thinking I’m pretty enough kind of started when my father told me as a young child that a certain actress (don’t remember the name) was the prettiest woman it the world and it felt like I was punched in the ribs. I knew that I will NEVER be like that person and a similar event occurred today and I couldn’t stop crying. And for those who are wondering, no, my father was not neglectful nor did he ever cheat on my mother or flirt with other women. He is anything but. He is such a loving and nurturing father to me and my brother, an extremely loyal husband and such a hardworking man. I don’t know if this event has anything to do with my self esteem but I think it might be. 

Another reason may be is that my mother has a very short temper. Although she doesn’t beat me ALL the time, but it’s become more of a common occurrence in recent years. Some of these moments I take full responsibility for and completely deserve it. But other times I’m not so sure. Whenever she tries to hit me, my little brother always rushes in to protect me but sometimes he isn’t there. I try to brush it off but it absolutely crushes my heart. This may also play into my low self-esteem but again, it might not. 

If I can’t ever be enough, what’s the point of even trying? I don’t have any close friends anymore because I moved continents and my old friends don’t speak to me anymore. I don’t have anyone to speak to about this but here to you guys and I’m sorry if I sound like I’m rambling but I don’t know if I want to continue if I don’t feel like I have a reason to. Pretty much the only reason I’m still here is because I want to make sure my brother doesn’t turn into a sad, lonely, hopeless fool like me; I would sell my soul to the devil himself to make sure he can live a happy life (and I’m not even that religious)... and because I’m afraid. I’ve heard that you can actually survive gunshots to the head. I want a quick, painless, 100% effective way to go out.

TL/DR: I used to be ok, but now I’m not. I have extremely low self-esteem and I have any sense of direction in life. The only reason I haven’t killed myself is out of respect of my parents, to make sure that my little brother can live a better life, and because there is no 100% effective way to do so.",2.2687141513869307,3.9044205105782837,3.9640571227080414,87.68903819934181,76.6163610719323,6.47560883874001,24.65164551010813,7.235395106297159,1.0333136624353552,2678,91,559,31,60,898,287,709,0.15,0.665,0.185,0.9773,2,2,0,1,1,1,72.0,0,2,0,9,27,55,8,2,33,1,62,11,4,11,18,125,116,56,1,12,27,12,3,7,4,8,3,5,1,7,36,38,1,3,20,3,1,6,29,21,0,1,13,12,75,34,75,87,17,73,2,8,3,3,43,32,1,14,40,385,111,7,0.0,0.0,0.0577067659039225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457971616501226,0.049204661764843935,0.0,0.0,0.08042700928641963,0.06200770524066339,0.0,0.0,0.11729111727390795,0.08269646931089547,0.0,0.09732535057196172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555883259760333,0.0,0.0,0.14419142969730794,0.06530943662913784,0.050319125103644835,0.0,0.0,0.052299681630332134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062001424125052024,0.06390341333623813,0.0,0.0,0.06543122688566726,0.06495649870089469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049399307456996805,0.0,0.0,0.24440708691049695,0.0,0.07811559178045416,0.1069811263141292,0.0,0.056505572558562124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02990019251020128,0.042245716301187584,0.05677841729741408,0.0,0.054047884314566745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274874854723186,0.0,0.06179069699481781,0.0,0.0672150263487695,0.049599233746649714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058552476624990274,0.0,0.06294980120457977,0.05297291897682015,0.2335324021515535,0.06068908271026643,0.0,0.0,0.07007469655727093,0.0,0.06247887211521515,0.05931674986451349,0.0,0.0582355951415654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654235901335539,0.06157950766733618,0.12999515321746993,0.0,0.0,0.06261492336507797,0.0,0.0,0.12530539095207388,0.202230992568273,0.11853665800477725,0.10443373750819353,0.0,0.04965810738424895,0.0,0.06455231924359299,0.0,0.053371217358110484,0.0,0.1184182633848405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546477162891312,0.05970901264528317,0.0,0.0,0.06285064133964112,0.08694135960228963,0.0,0.18243276407798156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062051736233456035,0.0,0.0400710843880666,0.13492341234160302,0.0,0.0,0.13132378328427774,0.0,0.0,0.04099643373462967,0.05163398609182383,0.0,0.0,0.11180247972361576,0.0,0.0,0.18048321276617935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579369218066833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24320056116065306,0.05838820915414001,0.06348834910964261,0.06698788896166938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969459218896625,0.04712256005765116,0.0,0.246760824323787,0.0,0.06070073987588445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697111409875817,0.06619625904928031,0.08371144197178214,0.0,0.04722490785716975,0.04943911056459591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293435901598746,0.0,0.04446180323396028,0.0,0.05168618109626347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785905190000935,0.07578203143213286,0.0,0.0,0.06896363386472795,0.0,0.05605261505001683,0.056505572558562124,0.0,0.1605938424681749,0.0643213820280704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214648578189116,0.0,0.09758435198395113,0.174395374118414,0.0938764665312025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054818296892088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412886958773541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042007469734126134,0.0,0.0,0.07616139028238039
suicidewatch,not-your-lover,2019/04/07,"I’m planning on doing the deed soon I’ve given it time, I’ve been waiting for something to change but things have just gotten worse. I’ve tried getting help and being vocal about it but there’s just honestly nothing left for anyone to do. I gave it a shot, well 10 years of trying at least and now I can say that this will be a permanent solution to a long standing issue. I am still working out logistics but over the last week I’ve been drafting my notes, and working on getting my affairs in order. Sometime in the next week I will no longer exist and anything after that is out of my control. This will be my first serious attempt in 11 years, at least now I know what not to do. ",3.1007792207792204,4.5539064285714295,4.207922077922081,87.56253246753248,74.0,6.5194805194805205,27.01298701298701,6.980632752743323,1.251,540,20,109,5,11,176,90,140,0.06,0.847,0.094,0.6956,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,0,6,0,15,0,0,1,0,15,23,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,5,1,9,2,20,12,2,27,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,14,79,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834562509388354,0.0,0.16281875846161928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093055789144264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219125037004489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829634574659147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674335124507032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261881115398233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206510422868573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873656929314983,0.1612791751552112,0.0,0.0,0.2149712930875492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509647243905302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104222671951328,0.0,0.0,0.1898483184874889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734315710931174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231933574374204,0.1956847980665675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800818225840302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314468388146852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537151604251715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686626854522931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174165486832606,0.0,0.17789644637106028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880832769504528,0.0,0.20163232692071284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548257557894777
suicidewatch,ARISE_UW,2019/04/07,"Recruiting for a research study on suicide in Seattle We're now recruiting for a study focused on youth and young adult suicidal thoughts and behaviors. This study is funded by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and involves participants (16-20 years old) coming to the University of Washington - Seattle campus (with their parents if under 18) for an initial appointment and evaluation, and then participants filling out surveys administered over cell phones for 14 days. Please go to [ariseuw.com](https://ariseuw.com) to learn more about the study and fill out a screening survey to determine eligibility. Participants are compensated up to $125 for their time.

​

Thanks,

​

ARISE study team

[arise@uw.edu](mailto:arise@uw.edu)",14.098947368421054,15.135884157894735,10.865614035087724,51.002631578947394,49.526315789473685,14.26666666666667,47.94736842105264,13.295006501635747,7.1012736842105255,630,33,76,19,6,184,84,114,0.075,0.86,0.065,-0.4939,1,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,6,8,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,23,5,1,21,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,1,8,45,3,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911543363170555,0.4386668351397547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548913497487868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641083747369756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258519114143087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918684488358225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190665552627344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894097069645284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004295191335607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814036243553487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948864993031055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618481702853907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330086313489826,0.10525395802288916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386668351397547,0.11623934712417387
suicidewatch,teapmarie,2019/04/07,"Im so unhappy Ive never felt happy. I put on an act that people think is the real me. And that sucks. It hurts. But the act feels more real of who i should be. Idk.

Within these few passing years ive moved to be with someone who i thought would be a huge supporter. Better than my screwed up family. But as of lately its been like a living nightmare. Abuse of all kinds. Support somewhat, theres just always those ""buts"".

""Youre doing great! But....""

I feel trapped in a world that i dont feel like i should be in...
I just don't know what to do but repeat every day like a good little adult. Work, home bs. Work, bs, work. Bs.
And go to sleep with the last thought in my head being that i really hope this time. I dont wake up.

Sorry if this is poorly put. I don't open up much. And putting it out in words of what it all is, is just damn hard. I know nothing comes easy. But im doing the things everyone my age is going and doing.. outings, gym, work, i have two dogs who i love deeply. I dont trust family or therapists to talk with about theae things. Its always, medications this, medications that. From everyone like they will just BAM, fix me. I just wish i had one person that can understand my mind. 

We all have our own shit we're trying to deal with though.",-0.038685836501901605,2.173581000000002,1.8381261882129287,96.52262654467684,88.80988593155894,4.9605038022813694,15.823312737642588,6.4784943948869325,-0.4654257604562737,965,20,222,11,32,317,152,263,0.12,0.74,0.14,0.7642,0,1,0,0,1,0,52.0,2,1,1,5,9,19,4,0,9,0,30,8,4,0,4,49,49,15,0,6,13,0,5,4,0,4,2,0,1,2,23,12,0,0,10,1,1,10,6,5,0,2,5,5,28,14,27,35,8,32,0,1,0,2,12,14,4,4,12,146,51,4,0.0,0.11251537252635438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580332898867383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398686680919015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818020312292336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061243140647628876,0.0979024621690538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338870324910935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001024259355978,0.18148202239535693,0.0,0.0,0.1790449256161653,0.0,0.1440481131609982,0.0678414330191429,0.09117916634561073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793907896862394,0.07965027909657096,0.0,0.10469680639066603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010896511149654,0.08506800332069178,0.0,0.09745921480720687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952554167659721,0.09431947317776336,0.0,0.0,0.10165962606989144,0.0,0.2051522083240616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988891279527895,0.1043781269672576,0.07740734479189479,0.10712215846360834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557608118725705,0.09517765880700764,0.08385387949856699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570762161390037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913300318344696,0.0,0.0,0.09588534262585724,0.0,0.0,0.10093041254773502,0.06980857398654335,0.0,0.07324115453775346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111935395986344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434924119018956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583523861692514,0.08291784151524377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863914853269713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161768800631076,0.0608355921272555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747793478380357,0.0,0.0,0.09503136660492743,0.0,0.08046166008727408,0.0,0.0,0.10630306378029948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21552528751616773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632748995244151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025911335723054,0.12617811027543793,0.06084831859405705,0.0933004547161622,0.15077968866739105,0.05537356396368067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447349791288308,0.0,0.09276484291523553,0.09885960886965504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920251690300567,0.0,0.0,0.27653615572155377,0.0,0.0,0.06745883828678925,0.0,0.0,0.06115292046002852
suicidewatch,ThugBenShapiro,2019/04/07,"Coin flips keeping me alive Tonight I bet my life on a coin flip. Heads I go to sleep, tails I go jump off a local bridge. I got heads, but I think I may flip it again soon anyways so we’ll see what happens. It’ll be tails eventually so I’m not too worried",-1.5064473684210533,0.4713408771929864,0.6448903508771942,103.12944078947369,96.36842105263159,3.5517543859649123,17.651315789473685,5.148860815047168,-0.9047526315789473,198,6,51,1,8,65,42,57,0.0,0.914,0.086,0.4822,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,0,6,12,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,3,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,3,27,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33822175308281816,0.0,0.2379868592880789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631323697703338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6107672365029203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644860499067616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210176262168071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711773599179636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29777607626536795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066518987998907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021878234101208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bomby57,2019/04/07,"I still have 11 days to make it to the 27 club I lost all hopes. Last year, I was close to giving up. Then i met this guy. He is the first person to always make me happy. Seeing him every day was amazing. I was longing for the time he would come in at work.

He is married. Nothing will ever be possible. I always get too attached to the wrong person. Is it some elaborate self-harming method?

We still got into some extra-marital shit. I felt terrible but happy. He felt only terrible. He told me he wants us to stay friends. I told him I wanted to kill myself. I've wanted it for almost a decade now. I have 11 days to go through with it and be part of the cool club... I don't think I will but it crosses my mind every minute of every day.

I don't look forward to anything now. I just feel empty, worthless and stupid. ",-0.033483709273184566,2.193894239766085,2.1459482038429414,94.1805263157895,89.05847953216373,4.4267335004177095,18.084377610693398,5.916634753146586,-0.25901136173767725,629,17,136,5,21,211,104,171,0.165,0.725,0.111,-0.8735,0,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,2,0,0,3,7,14,3,0,6,1,15,1,1,2,2,27,36,5,1,5,3,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,4,2,0,4,2,8,0,1,10,6,22,6,19,21,4,25,0,2,2,0,18,6,1,4,16,85,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379912280935015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574268048456332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173821843076916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649761949679452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189284467131419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118318005838466,0.3124946988552297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251181832580563,0.0,0.2374113213961267,0.0,0.0,0.1051609197026467,0.0,0.0,0.09551741652294787,0.0,0.06459237383583907,0.11859863288472802,0.07026264988837409,0.0,0.0988794317324559,0.0,0.0,0.12241465602800335,0.0,0.26321613382279724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227940090812054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677997488662852,0.0,0.0,0.1007762011288338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941001717354801,0.10381935120144883,0.0,0.13495842381911566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505001798109864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248326059981627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862779127840725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402735269255594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388090356717985,0.0,0.0,0.215900573677446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937597865795048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851832600628707,0.0,0.12897465304606134,0.0,0.1269059930657192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317747655944031,0.19746460558159346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921809499436712,0.0,0.0,0.07209054172090057,0.0,0.0,0.2362704577886133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487135131084979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187632458894388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000522923022371,0.0,0.0,0.08782429462454296,0.13517167447635076,0.0,0.07961465450679954
suicidewatch,Owezer_,2019/04/07,"I feel so lost. I’ve been battling with anxiety and depression for quite some time now, and it’s just getting worse. I’ve tried therapy, it hasn’t worked. Meds help for a little bit, but they don’t work all that well either. 

At my age (14) I feel like I should be happy and carefree. But I’m not. I’m a bit of an outcast at my school, and I’m very shy. 

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you all :)",0.8133720930232577,2.504961906976746,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,81.09302325581395,6.16046511627907,20.05232558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.2151906976744189,308,8,74,4,8,104,62,86,0.12,0.599,0.28,0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,4,4,7,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,17,15,7,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,2,7,4,6,9,6,6,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,41,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196092082443895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646225921071853,0.0,0.153511750941656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43815862086227203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283649570897816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292923270324487,0.14335845481720702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484162204874603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136165988380986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450465218664553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803706623698112,0.2011237306240547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905465339141147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228987694770516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343689864556795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030884227864727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847496745032428,0.229483260139664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701210033866895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624153597762712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655734964347665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042613590162007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921798244897491,0.0,0.2044995409479668,0.1425499785334595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lightning-Road,2019/04/07,I don’t think I can last much longer If I just find something to look forward to and get me through the next few weeks I think I can survive. Can anybody help me find something.,2.5582882882882885,4.048312216216221,2.614594594594596,98.28423423423423,75.48648648648648,4.933333333333334,28.54954954954956,3.1291,0.4622684684684688,140,6,32,0,3,42,26,37,0.0,0.917,0.083,0.4019,0,0,2,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,8,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330190611829332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523446279151588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544776959579147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23768615320895575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448635882213425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435345000493608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31011108031142554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448963072106878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37368037399388426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338972726912216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,208712314,2019/04/07,"How likely is it that you'll kill yourself by 2020? Or if not by then, do you think you'll kill yourself one day for sure?....",1.8922222222222231,2.6959102592592608,2.7861111111111114,99.13250000000002,76.03703703703705,5.4,20.907407407407405,3.1291,-0.5637259259259264,95,2,24,0,2,30,21,27,0.298,0.7020000000000001,0.0,-0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,6,5,4,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385526438431329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8184713523118418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807127473098573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506514436211147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486230767986538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237014743537382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,almond_ale,2019/04/07,"Why do I want to kill myself for being rejected? I don’t understand it, but I do. Every single time I get rejected, I want to kill myself. I’ve even attempted it once and was hospitalized another time. I don’t understand why my brain handles it so poorly. I’m sure it’s a manifestation of a larger problem, but what am I to do? Right now it’s hard for me not to think about cutting up my wrists and walking to the park because this pain feels unbearable. I feel so awful about myself. Why am I so unloveable? Why have people done terrible things to me? Why am I the way I am? I just want everything to stop.",1.2380123076923049,3.418513872000001,3.830400000000002,84.72658461538464,82.28,7.366153846153848,23.215384615384608,8.384062270229773,1.6357323076923076,474,17,98,11,13,166,71,125,0.298,0.648,0.053,-0.9899,0,2,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,3,0,4,1,13,3,2,0,1,17,23,7,2,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,5,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,2,3,19,1,13,20,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,69,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925772526246933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867702034587226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890045693875504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566501988727504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401537672963478,0.0,0.11992905499246374,0.0,0.12792757755007955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394452114173484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074367684145332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751024015977086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149600909738138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158930743361562,0.0,0.0,0.15146164706443985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868183993191296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620182138722664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155906811005687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900406817558205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415540528563255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456552708469228,0.09120683940349678,0.0,0.0,0.16600122640456816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963655423191192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518705383744014,0.11298424764908875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6422064019731678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HarryHoodwenie,2019/04/07,"I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m 29, I’m smart, handsome, charming, strong, fearless, cunning, and in top of it all people genuinely like me. Everyone’s always wanted me to succeed, and I’ve always gauged their standard of success as pretty fucking dumb. I made two attempts over the last 9 month I put my whole life on hold to care take my parents. They were awful too each other and those children, but they provided for a lot of people(myself included). 

Long story short, a project I was working on failed, my father had a severe GI bleed, and so I came home. Fast forward 5 years, cancer, a broken femur, Alzheimer’s, and about 6 different diagnosable mental fractures; I’m still
Sitting here. And the
World keeps getting worse.
And I can’t fix it. More over the people who can, won’t. Too profitable to exploit our fumbling over pennies. 
The final severance of a serious relationship, plus the slow tragic decline into old age; rather than the expedient “y’all sucked, love ya, BIAaaaaaaa”. 
Anyway I can’t seem to shake this urge to die. 
I’ve felt it my whole life. 
It’s well documented. 
I think for most people it does get better. 
For me? I’m thinking about getting weird with heroine. Maybe I can die happy lol. 

The tragic part is, that’s the positive, I always have a loaded gun. I still always resort to drinking drugs I should smoke, to taking breaths when I should just stroke. I think I missed my boat, I burnt out. I feel dumb. And I’m just glad no subsequent generation of this specific genetic code has to ever exist again. 
I’m not in a rush but I think we’re all just killing ourselves. What’s the problem with doing it a little faster? 
I’m legitimately numb. I’ll talk tomorrow. ",2.9805291411042925,5.409526757668715,3.983738496932517,84.6462212423313,77.43558282208589,6.406288343558281,25.83167177914111,7.531066641456977,1.507583128834356,1337,51,247,19,32,431,205,326,0.22,0.616,0.16399999999999998,-0.98,2,0,3,1,0,0,56.0,1,2,3,8,17,30,5,1,17,2,14,12,1,1,3,44,43,15,3,5,7,2,3,1,0,3,8,0,1,1,14,16,1,3,7,1,1,5,5,14,1,1,6,4,31,16,32,34,9,36,0,4,0,2,13,15,4,3,18,146,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35802817673593745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513712210575744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303167997048366,0.10967501321542486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918151368937794,0.22328182008730352,0.11238798960923777,0.0,0.0,0.09413542849853654,0.0,0.0,0.10537786774965743,0.12474730931373255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730342671202737,0.0,0.10278795947855032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054390737709173485,0.0,0.10328428493268116,0.1178379231185036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944693933003416,0.1686030077548249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451050440544012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079017060689716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122671645325284,0.11901051572602887,0.0,0.0,0.08768409030045078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196006180661234,0.05255337818450484,0.10781362481629783,0.0,0.0951962637821082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145235825403902,0.09708632757310406,0.10178554750777588,0.0,0.0,0.10806874908683953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840548566537833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586152703980952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287685551593807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944400440155242,0.1164880706594897,0.0,0.22372694826406087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943759066796424,0.0,0.10293017731866216,0.0,0.10813778687368103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549016424669716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979278924708126,0.0,0.2430474704260465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718114407272032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175884332183754,0.08646087188999428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27570662585447897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050804789229554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344770554993316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671855062947554,0.0,0.0,0.2401966285462212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783124047040275,0.0,0.10962324890483252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927169784946413
suicidewatch,AngelmakerRWBY,2019/04/07,"i cant live with myself ive had depression for the past 6 years. no medications work, therapy hasnt worked. Ive gone to drugs and now i feel like a burden to everyone around me. The best thing for everyone is if i was gone. this is my last resort.",0.13817610062893235,2.2612254905660407,2.771981132075471,90.92199685534591,86.54716981132076,7.3069182389937115,18.26729559748428,8.344100000000001,0.8745748427672968,193,5,45,5,6,67,41,53,0.161,0.716,0.123,-0.2732,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,1,8,2,6,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,30,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055223415510308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26000094309355226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338884835550545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28731422108721394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734762244923671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527109823241572,0.17699442151950245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195133863012815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103934747489267,0.0,0.21876997925186867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24958455914613698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23650777634395584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28332655320971084,0.0,0.16459573923153606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607335129356163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159544474510094
suicidewatch,usuallyirregular,2019/04/07,"Alright, bye. Im a shell. I feel so disconected from everything that I might as well be dead already.

I find no purpose in anything. Why should I learn anything? Why should I do anything? Why should I be funny? Why should I be smart? Red is red everywhere and I'm not curious anymore.
It's all just a one-up game, reaching for nothing and I don't want to play.

I tried killing myself months ago whilst in complete hysteria. Decided to give life another go and it led me in a circle. The only thing that's different is that I'm not ashamed to leave people behind. I feel like I've given life enough pain to pay myself out fairly.
Im completely calm.
Im out. 


 
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suicidewatch,johnkim112,2019/04/07,"depressed and obsessed ive been feeling down and sad lately. there were times when my mood takes an entire 180 turn. im on pills for my back problem but ive been taking more. i tried to cut myself, hang myself, overdosed on pills, and i tried to stab my chest. im constantly cutting myself and ive been thinking about cutting deeper now. went through countless counseling sessions and im still having thoughts and thinking of different scenarios on how i can die. i dont care about how this will affect the people around me bc they never cared about what ive been going through. ""get over it"" ""youll be fine"" ""stop overreacting"" ""who gets depressed in 2019? lol move on"" ""stop seeking for attention its annoying"" if you can help, then please try. if you cant, then this will be my last post for reddit before midnight. ",3.2133333333333347,5.603364133757965,3.523847133757961,88.44063269639065,76.45222929936305,5.970106157112527,25.753290870488318,7.03164865440522,1.1794215711252654,647,24,122,7,15,200,104,157,0.246,0.679,0.075,-0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,3,1,0,11,13,4,1,2,1,19,3,1,3,1,22,32,14,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,3,9,0,0,7,1,20,3,19,20,1,26,0,3,0,0,6,8,0,2,13,81,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816793967082304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107075987619679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225118007134581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935834489594576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558542052218355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24801026520748135,0.0,0.1494229289546973,0.15042283854705385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873718695294265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279789580122242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044159731677165,0.0,0.08182409666333619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650315555060504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4665518999699198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735853452196522,0.16240964686125206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530222401652489,0.0,0.0,0.11104210571175087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981387612193668,0.0,0.0,0.15804090228268722,0.0,0.0,0.13788789144176727,0.0,0.0,0.13776427088212734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497832063240553,0.24073846468772045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650199863134628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845062511192585,0.0,0.1142997692612758,0.08395276101391767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29324795667270664,0.15660304745772247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346591878260225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scottd3363,2019/04/07,"I was interrupted twice trying to hang myself tonight. The first time wasn’t really me trying to hang myself, more of me preparing for it. I was in my room with a noose hanging from a hook sticking out of my wall. Right as I was pulling on the noose to make sure my setup was secure enough my mom tried to come in my room. The door was locked. I threw the noose into my closet and let my mom in. 
“What are you doing?”
“nothing”
“why did you have a jacket on?”
“I was cold” 
“why do you need your door locked?” 
“I don’t want Steve (my brother) waking me up” 
“are you sure you’re okay?”
“yes mom”
And she left. I concluded the hook was not strong enough for me, and so I decided to go outside and hang myself from the fence post which is, without a doubt, strong enough. Luckily for me my brother was leaving the house at this time so I follow him outside quietly telling him I’m grabbing something from my car. He leaves and I tighten my rope. It’s dark outside. And I start walking around the side of my house to the fence. I hear a noise that I think is the front door opening. It gets louder. My dad walks out looking for me. With a noose in my hand, hanging down behind my leg hidden from his view we talk.
“What’s going on?”
“I was just grabbing something from my car”
“Why are you toward the side yard then?”
“Someone left the gate open, I just shut it”
“A little weird that you’re just walking around at 10 at night, are you okay?”
“yeah, I’m fine.”
He then followed me inside, and up the stairs, I held the noose in front of me so he wouldn’t see it.

Edit: for some reason this came out as one big paragraph, so bear with the dialogue. ",1.3508824626865668,3.2775873074626887,2.476693097014927,95.9519053171642,80.40298507462687,5.142723880597014,20.319496268656714,5.985473137389443,-0.13755037313432886,1248,33,282,8,32,397,160,335,0.028,0.885,0.087,0.9465,1,0,2,0,0,3,40.0,1,7,0,4,9,10,0,1,22,4,23,3,3,3,2,41,42,15,0,3,5,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,12,21,0,4,4,1,0,20,5,2,0,3,14,9,55,8,48,26,5,64,0,0,3,0,24,35,0,2,8,185,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014611927453523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294174485627307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747171266896168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507534101962759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624830111407937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911802848628522,0.0,0.12861547241411508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753220740522167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26112787124381376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396264164797296,0.24588319676444895,0.11570711029868486,0.0,0.0,0.11340952385086675,0.0,0.0,0.0950204334857478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755308334809532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39757200107187823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390187935526648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618688549545192,0.0,0.1085738257876318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667573351790269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836976527182128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248902339915099,0.11634063379946853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663246252569653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016868180232837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587458520335226,0.17422217015020547,0.0,0.0,0.08009062288989675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329165113616053,0.0,0.0,0.0909484893906728,0.0989011380354704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725041876988234,0.0,0.0,0.1319614203955219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304713771367185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674086033289722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30631027550942697,0.0,0.0,0.10907592683611657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yjn_park,2019/04/07,A group chat? Comment if you’re bored and just want to talk to people to distract yourself from suicide and/or to talk about suicide with a smaller group of peeps,6.3754838709677415,7.32712412903226,4.919516129032257,87.39927419354844,65.7741935483871,6.2,34.854838709677416,3.1291,1.6953096774193548,132,6,24,0,2,38,24,31,0.354,0.612,0.035,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24212275852846274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7640354780368821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5614203823691345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205993961960092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Artri_,2019/04/07,"idk man even being drunk isn't great anymore hey 
im just in the end of the BIG party that i've been waiting for like the past two boring months 
there is like almost all my friends 
and i dont feel anything 
it was a shitty party even though everyone liked it 
it's always a shitty party 
i'm just here for getting drunk, wasting myself a little bit then come back to my already failed life (at 16 xd)
but this isn't working since some months
i dont know 
nothing brings me joy 
i have friends close to me like all the time, and half the time i don't have love for them 
i hate myself 
but 
i did so much efforts, i worked so much since like 7 years of depression 
i did not try suicide since the 31/12/17 
and i know the next try will be the last
and i don't know how long i can handle all of this

i don't even want to feel better 
idk how to say this
but i just want to be dead, there is 0 interest in staying alive you know
i dont know what to say more, there is nothing interesting im not proud of anything, i would trade my life with anyone that hasn't a depression

hey sry for bad english ",1.0072069632495158,2.7719310765957488,2.3844197292069644,96.99295454545457,80.78723404255321,5.123791102514507,20.04352030947776,5.852544927426893,-0.2599787234042559,853,22,201,5,22,275,123,235,0.233,0.62,0.147,-0.971,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,1,1,6,16,20,1,0,12,0,24,5,0,2,3,33,40,13,2,3,8,0,2,5,2,2,2,2,0,1,9,7,2,1,7,2,1,2,11,6,0,2,4,4,24,14,18,31,8,21,0,3,0,1,10,6,0,2,17,122,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418212791164204,0.0,0.1148119354497614,0.0,0.08657052557689035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318080953823114,0.07274795268191914,0.0,0.17123391257593687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000117996164177,0.08686996850402706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920158936947882,0.11358592930449007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962219089215104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792208852967586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658061653564024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214952911409796,0.0,0.0,0.2061544859865936,0.0,0.0,0.0994157248310342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521260740817676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076378378396333,0.0,0.05435717798618955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470567450640015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271904159261233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476447222736826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858913244406603,0.08480737858395039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469746044820131,0.25414611842850515,0.10427650974052194,0.0,0.09207309506985158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390115024977716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608921879694258,0.0,0.1529643518557272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064888482556318,0.0,0.0,0.19966047326321068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931899764816823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547530925454668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581916066810352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089396413433933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380407134876015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221984756667177,0.0,0.1213343983115716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127414810130368,0.0,0.1016330320274314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273226685522287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148631252937467,0.0,0.0,0.07390780878483591,0.0,0.0,0.06699905404210282
suicidewatch,Caxxy111,2019/04/07,"I've written my suicide note, Im ready to go  My whole life has beed fucked up, I have written my suicde note. I will jump from a bridge now , it's too late for anyone to do anything anymore. ",2.2904065040650394,3.1156900731707324,3.2668292682926854,95.9828455284553,75.09756097560975,5.466666666666668,25.861788617886177,3.1291,0.20031056910569145,147,5,35,0,3,47,33,41,0.205,0.737,0.058,-0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,5,5,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360657685059725,0.2369442218441466,0.0,0.27885929894160466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31327779026766805,0.0,0.0,0.19258636126977524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660353384993647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822576013617358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393523254331885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706663367741713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783337603331256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ersatz_goods,2019/04/07,"I Have Nothing to Live For... Sounds pretty dramatic and stereotypical coming from a 16M, but it's wholeheartedly true. My life is/has been in complete shambles and I don't see a future with any happiness for myself.

I am over 350+ pounds because I have used food and binge eating as an emotional coping mechanism for childhood bullying and generalized depression/low self-esteem for essentially my whole life, and combined with being 6'4, makes me look like this huge monster that nobody really understands. People have claimed that I carry it well (as well as somebody could considering the context) but the scale nor mirror doesn't lie.

I moved to another state right before high school and left all my old friends behind, eventually losing contact with all of them. I was so close with them, including one best friend who was practically a brother to me. Not only have I not made any close friends here, but I have not made a friend at all. I don't play sports and people at my high school don't share any similar interests with me, so it makes sense. I joke around/gab with some people in school and have some people you could consider acquaintances in some sense, but I don't exist to anybody after school. I have genuinely not hung out/had an extended interaction outside of school with anybody from my high school. It is so fucking awful, it dehumanizes me everyday. I often feel like a caged animal that walks those hallways alongside the sea of happy teenagers in their specialized cliques/groups. I get so fucking jealous and hurt seeing everybody else living the traditionalized high school life of partying or just fucking around and being young and happy on social media whilst I wallow in my room every weekend listening to The Smiths like some emo fucking loser. I hate it because I socially had it all at one point and then I fucking moved and lost it all. 

I live with my grandmother and uncles because my father is a drug addicted junkie loser who managed to wind himself into state prison for the next few years. I feel like I put them through so much Hell everyday and they still try so hard to make me happy, but I just can't be. I know that if I died, they would be so much happier without the stress of dealing with me. 

My school had their semi-formal (dance) yesterday, and I just couldn't get myself to attend. And then I see all the posts on everybody's social media about how good of a time it was, and everybody is smiling and all dressed up, and I am so fucking sad because I know that isn't me and never will be and that the rest of my life is going to essentially be that whole scenario repeated over and over until I die a lonely bitter old man in a nursing home. I really don't want that. I just wish I could feel some happiness in my life that didn't require eating huge amounts of food everyday, the same aforementioned food that makes me feel even worse about myself immediately after I finish eating it every time. I don't want to live a life knowing that I will never have the happiness and feeling of belonging that I desperately yearn for. I have been suicidal before, but I truly feel so numb and ready now. I was going to jump in front of a train in the subway today but I didn't because I pussied out at the last moment, but I am still ready to die and done with this world. 

​",8.534526780279975,7.358123407232706,8.255944410630963,72.41301582471094,61.783018867924525,11.413998782714545,35.61046865489958,10.456487797536301,3.576193000608642,2661,96,484,51,31,854,284,636,0.153,0.6759999999999999,0.17,0.8168,0,2,1,0,0,0,60.0,0,1,7,6,25,44,10,1,26,1,49,21,0,8,10,107,87,53,4,10,19,2,7,4,4,3,9,2,2,1,27,42,6,1,10,5,0,11,20,20,2,2,14,14,74,24,73,60,21,79,1,8,4,6,26,35,7,8,34,338,101,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055741574083339136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540164645922879,0.062131140210861587,0.10431481473864247,0.05361650140450474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910368808440356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584837325614734,0.0,0.08701936094302591,0.0,0.05366002064413214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044045806395698765,0.05361107028199035,0.0,0.0,0.12247454641753802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271498555184185,0.0,0.0,0.1592012489264378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232592637760855,0.0,0.0,0.05929704273936143,0.15696281649316887,0.042714337312917065,0.057516769210091225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03377229265423491,0.0,0.08616205739618382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512366156716215,0.0730576143273094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548754030771664,0.0,0.15801824136411655,0.2836250069452633,0.053428859838460484,0.0,0.05811914084943918,0.042887208541555005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265866483785269,0.04580434921269806,0.05048239698340342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160956301489132,0.05128970004740202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473800761237551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430265183994316,0.041679514201237285,0.0,0.0,0.055555213836368265,0.0,0.2166968328822487,0.09992231269588947,0.0,0.18060244648801432,0.0,0.04293811509358392,0.05720377950625573,0.055816765060972516,0.0,0.0,0.09676492413377408,0.136524387530012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869073404932347,0.0751760045164323,0.0,0.07887250877492827,0.0,0.05437960521174393,0.0,0.0,0.04906266217486069,0.0,0.10730914779059672,0.0,0.06929691540863142,0.038888292453532806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417943359381729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048336394548570666,0.0,0.04897045070420642,0.05201976320636082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140191804748402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551310945558034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043666563553692236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139876001089488,0.12223707349154027,0.0,0.05334196787553756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15636831596122044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166837745806768,0.0,0.058571687408781464,0.0,0.0,0.055930256153878206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963111773959238,0.0,0.04846728486227785,0.0,0.0,0.034715362981224865,0.0,0.0,0.053230355373757685,0.0,0.044161747133955036,0.0,0.0,0.060318115531404815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194785942743798,0.0,0.0,0.11417440445898172,0.058799431324070714,0.04928955308471622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052108013481794065,0.03632280135602335,0.0,0.062131140210861587,0.03292741823935779
suicidewatch,carlos376798,2019/04/07,"Just found out my little 14 year old is also suicidal and being abused and I feel it is my fault I don’t have the stomach to say this but it feels as if my brain has gone numb from the overflow of thoughts. I’ve never said this out loud and every time I think of it, I want to kill myself of anger towards myself. I will just say it
When I was a kid, I don’t remember how young, I wasn’t thinking and I didn’t think or process how bad it was what I was doing, I took advantage of..her while she was asleep 
I don’t want to get in details but it was not too explicit but enough to ruin my life mentally and haunt me. I never thought me, how could I, I’m the nicest, genuine guy I know. I care for people, loving family and I am a part of that, why did I do that. Why did god allow this to happen. I’m a fucking freak for it and I get shivers.
Besides those thoughts buried deep in my head, I’ve always fought depression, and since I’ve moved out on my own, it’s become serious. 
Today I found out my sister has been getting abused through text trying to get her to do things by some fucking creeps, they mentally abuse her and have led her to believe she’s nothing. They’ve pushed her to become sucidal. My whole life I’ve tried to make sure I guide her to live the life she deserves, she’s just a fucking wholehearted kid. I’ve always tried to be a good role model and then this shit. She seeks attention and a feeling of acceptance and I’m filled with the thought that maybe she wasn’t fully asleep, and it’s fried her brain since then and I’ve caused this... I don’t know how to live with myself. Please someone help",2.3110526315789457,3.5947372397660864,3.461695906432748,92.80464912280705,75.72514619883043,6.587134502923977,22.900584795321635,7.0931098945946705,0.5520479532163742,1264,35,288,13,27,409,165,342,0.175,0.708,0.117,-0.9807,0,0,0,0,3,1,33.0,0,0,1,1,11,20,7,0,11,0,29,15,7,8,4,62,63,29,2,4,9,1,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,3,20,20,0,0,17,0,0,6,10,14,0,0,21,7,48,6,34,38,5,28,0,2,0,4,24,11,4,3,11,182,68,0,0.0,0.3226293873168608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258571375126655,0.1510495331941828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578600282074198,0.0,0.2004883188335361,0.0,0.10226244844048958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026502405676786,0.0,0.0,0.09254221106443376,0.09324191117293268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246944136500054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817681272675016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937857691300038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647445549714336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556631471284222,0.0,0.1376823849333627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904095173470265,0.0,0.25173572483046563,0.18968641592165256,0.0,0.0,0.07613039939209061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987282855267212,0.08026426903954703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315232830152924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083868434001024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041937486319193,0.0,0.09976548210435293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233259747299647,0.0,0.0909715980956753,0.16029647125434807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192005776277714,0.0,0.06058715700364115,0.0,0.09118686831447848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829420036682879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964701279797316,0.0,0.0,0.14000900963916518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709263656067115,0.0,0.09524387990660768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982909717118962,0.0,0.06292586877069553,0.0,0.0,0.09963405353874492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282043402393057,0.0,0.08633946096316097,0.14436188328244726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317022101089677,0.15016551112109391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690592409309617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992835132874399,0.0,0.08554608865934978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060301043755048765,0.17447798737602288,0.0,0.28823296160823475,0.05292651310370578,0.0,0.08603576403067184,0.0,0.10084461071224757,0.18487291703128086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707253706043174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380479246088872,0.10133724375409314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058450470122899424
suicidewatch,llethallan,2019/04/07,"My days are numbered. I've attempted suicide twice now. I'm glad I failed those times. I've come to the conclusion that I'm only sticking around so I don't break my mom's heart. She is the one person in the world who means everything to me. I'd much rather force myself through life if it means my mom never gets hurt by me in this way. Once she goes, it'd be a miracle if I survive the year. I know how I'll do it, where, and what I'll leave behind. I'll be glad to not have to make people deal with me anymore. But I'll tough it out for now, just for her. I hope she lives a long life that only gets better for her, she deserves it.",0.9219761904761904,2.2846208642857126,2.614285714285714,97.09904761904764,79.64285714285714,5.80952380952381,19.52380952380952,6.42735559955562,-0.20197619047619092,491,11,122,4,12,162,88,140,0.075,0.794,0.131,0.8349,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,5,8,7,0,0,6,0,8,3,1,2,1,19,18,6,1,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,18,4,15,15,1,16,0,2,0,0,11,6,0,3,7,73,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825412458880062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103067135278347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004780163249476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614445592910358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941470932739754,0.17490888493613346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247674376521925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727752744167385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010443245678296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850765053078312,0.0,0.0,0.1816212937342191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323903298795673,0.0,0.0,0.1796422331348983,0.0,0.0,0.23966746844279765,0.0,0.0,0.14981021146676848,0.1501410783506135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324734389796595,0.0,0.0,0.3696123507352999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974003821096744,0.0,0.0,0.12471739284640175,0.0,0.1308499131463396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806791344739888,0.1149639526289673,0.2580635391971579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761878017027545,0.1481379209411408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557718712540452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989283426917582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466580473277684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925352530748336
suicidewatch,myauntkaren,2019/04/07,I have trauma and would like to not have to deal with that anymore I tried to kill myself two years  ago because i was in a terrible and abusive relationship. i ended up breaking up with him a year after that and i was diagnosed with ptsd . he started dating another girl who was friends will all my friends and i had to watch her go through everything i just went through almost exactly. he broke up with her tonight as a manipulative way to get her to trust him more and me less. they got back together after she promised she wouldnt listen to me or our friends warnings about him anymore. i am so worried. i cut for the first time in months. i want to die. i want him to leave me and her alone. she is five years younger than him and very unstable. i am so worried. i want to die ,2.110274261603376,4.20261032278481,3.1559746835443043,91.1968312236287,78.68354430379749,6.491814345991561,26.989029535864983,7.554174236665415,1.3907935864978906,613,26,132,9,15,196,94,158,0.229,0.652,0.119,-0.968,0,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,1,0,1,1,5,11,2,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,2,23,21,11,3,5,3,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,0,1,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,3,6,2,32,6,27,12,3,23,0,1,1,0,24,5,0,2,15,97,35,0,0.0,0.17237510652508267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289630545235757,0.0,0.1456815119573381,0.1506778597247308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525529742623754,0.0,0.0,0.2885626669338152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186844700530156,0.0,0.0886858793519884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998792579659,0.0,0.14766350275960416,0.3019794701732425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885590836543465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307519085603573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237488718292334,0.0,0.0,0.3372024294247481,0.0,0.07600954245701602,0.0,0.08268208075779952,0.0,0.11635708548961232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095682339896036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404686813485371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107628061149629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612418079362292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700633621000286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619569293998914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297453681782943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483306567444561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877429031463927,0.0,0.14211702205892687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200397844013088,0.2574312297103073,0.11547866613507393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348654042659503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954927386128381,0.0,0.10334787304748026,0.0,0.0,0.2810613592240009
suicidewatch,human_uber,2019/04/07,"lost all my friends except for my wife including my own best friend - myself. I use to be my own best friend. I would take care of myself - shower daily, spend time out in the sun, I use to have a job and an active social life, I use to spend an hour in the gym daily keeping my body fit and healthy. It's been almost two months and I've gone outside for maybe 10 minutes total. My routine looks something like this.

- Wake up tired
- Check email (nothing)
- sit on computer for 14 hours and distract myself with games
- start feeling bad at how well i'm playing and how shit i am considering how much time i spend playing
- try to stay awake until i'm so tired I collapse in bed because I don't want to spend any time without distraction and the thought of lying in bed with my mind is too much.


Not one of my 'friends' has talked to me in months. I think that's one of the hardest things, the fact that you might as well be dead and it wouldn't make any difference. It doesn't help that I pushed everyone away - I got rid of all my social media accounts. But I was trying before. I really was. I guess they have their own demons.



I'm so lucky to have a wife that loves me unconditionally and puts up with my shit. I've been 'self employed' aka unemployed for three years now and I don't think I can go much lower than this. I'm so thankful she's around and I have my cats as that's really the only thing stopping everything from going up in flames.

I've tried meds and I have no idea if they work or not. It's beyond that now though, I don't have the energy to leave the house.

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suicidewatch,ugleebunnee,2019/04/08,"As soon as my mom dies, I promise I'm ending my life. Self explanatory lol I'm not killing myself to stop pain. Everyone has it so much worse. It would be disrespectful to people with actual real pain and depression. I'm going to do it so anyone remotely tied to me can finally be rid of me. Problem is, it would destroy my mom. If I kill myself, its like killing her. Robbing her of a good life isn't something I can do. But I'm killing myself the day she dies. I don't want a funeral. I don't even want my body to be found. When shes gone, my death would literally have no negative impact on anyone. I'm fucking garbage. I said before, I don't have depression. I'm just self aware. This post is rambly so I'll stop now lol no current risk or anything",-0.16955093429776724,2.111472310126583,2.505045207956602,90.5033966244726,91.72151898734177,5.7943339361060895,21.447860156720914,7.2636822038024595,0.9076644966847498,587,22,127,11,21,203,91,158,0.264,0.596,0.139,-0.9693,1,0,1,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,15,6,1,3,2,20,6,1,0,0,17,33,10,8,7,5,2,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,3,1,21,3,11,24,1,13,0,2,0,1,9,1,1,2,10,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.11560625203985428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656691156437103,0.0,0.0974878667331848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080629832630268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315896172979714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640111648836682,0.0,0.20407011109864792,0.0,0.2458991258846541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492618989614026,0.0,0.0,0.07824603103428909,0.0,0.0,0.1131998537872901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977430173031262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989244418179902,0.0,0.10952040539439399,0.0,0.0,0.06732726358186977,0.09936411142924707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5242626878743623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735283845775484,0.057876766468504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774931549215393,0.0,0.0,0.08708653633097384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521134977906872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212978108930251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134581961844978,0.0,0.0,0.11335647756684827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348408558178069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268880615876495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717287135648375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120132866860996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980866606204455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974926689521952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072752305491885,0.2524656887751442,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,joezzz740,2019/04/08,"Today I’ve been really really happy. For no reason, no reason at all. Today I’ve been really really happy. For no reason, not reason at all. Smiling & laughing all day. Thank you God for this ONE day where I’m not in the dark, I’m not in pain and suffering. Where I don’t feel lonely or unhappy, just at peace.",0.7485494505494508,2.9040111076923085,4.0068131868131855,82.8746153846154,84.07692307692307,7.406593406593408,15.439560439560445,8.418075326091056,0.8471098901098899,242,4,48,6,7,88,37,65,0.183,0.521,0.29600000000000004,0.8946,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,3,14,7,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,1,2,4,8,5,3,11,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,1,4,30,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777913289156625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21164881043637754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296877950665743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493534815435566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119155717983632,0.0,0.17460321378444127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42048074510119976,0.6748469504987056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107192594772145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110760612842012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Elunija,2019/04/08,"Cutting and anti-depressant overdose + vodka Would this kill me? Not cutting my wrists, but cutting alongside the artery in my arm and overdosing? I wouldn't want to wake up worse off than before, as that would be pretty inconvenient for me. 

And there is no point in trying to stop me, just saying. 🖤",2.3077443609022548,5.11662719298246,3.1120300751879704,87.2542105263158,84.08771929824562,5.3624060150375925,22.177944862155385,6.868970318607317,0.8584155388471179,238,8,43,3,7,75,46,57,0.28,0.616,0.103,-0.9015,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,0,5,3,3,0,0,11,6,5,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,9,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715988978319829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749094956122468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531256741027388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30172851977524895,0.0,0.0,0.32472107814210865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25382495867110155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684899452206834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21670244923336326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882607907033212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252719596305795,0.4534730068139686,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cof847,2019/04/08,I can’t stop thinking about buying a gun. I’ve been thinking about it for months. It can’t be that hard. I’m so good at being charming and fake. They wouldn’t think twice about selling it to me.,-0.07214285714285751,2.096357976190476,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,88.28571428571428,3.3600000000000003,17.923809523809524,3.1291,-1.0381390476190475,153,4,36,0,5,48,32,42,0.202,0.643,0.155,-0.0276,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,3,2,6,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280483141450859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503617990240402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31218388895019195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269892627049647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7518312010862565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwerly,2019/04/08,"I don’t see a future worth living for Decline of Western civilisation.

Climate change.

Mass extinctions.

Over population.

If things are shit now they’re only just starting.",4.370344827586205,7.686181896551727,4.5754482758620725,72.58937931034484,92.10344827586206,6.457931034482759,29.93793103448276,7.554174236665415,3.0847599999999997,141,7,19,3,5,44,29,29,0.126,0.807,0.067,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,3,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680524342353962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390690622188814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365024443462252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525746132873789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541675974695442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131677188677884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29394349256650715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cursed-thoughts,2019/04/08,My thoughts won’t go away can someone talk to me please I prefer to have a more private conversation please.,1.807142857142857,4.611817333333338,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,89.95238095238096,4.704761904761905,26.04761904761905,6.42735559955562,1.0401619047619053,88,4,17,1,3,27,19,21,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317669003074198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006856507166311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7752371882562114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991965609980569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838236556219917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803370218108151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ijustneedhelppleases,2019/04/08,"Hey so... I went to a museum and went up to the observation deck on the roof and I saw how high it was and i so thought about jumping, but I was with some friends and I couldn't I wouldn't I shouldn't and I don't know why but I've felt like shit lately and idk what im doing fuck",-2.3487878787878778,-0.5922843636363629,0.50030303030303,104.53712121212124,97.1818181818182,4.1454545454545455,13.393939393939394,5.82211442006289,-1.2987151515151512,216,4,61,2,9,74,43,66,0.174,0.7120000000000001,0.114,-0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,0,17,14,11,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,7,2,8,2,6,4,1,7,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,1,2,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726079735051675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935608798809916,0.26247970463001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29997734218267885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066826009318115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603514931774173,0.0,0.320274419109881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870909729458142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914400660580373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22540097162961306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263938495671078,0.2561938729856674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,080037,2019/04/08,"What is music like on an strong heroin/opiate high? I've heard all my favorite music on speed, weed, and psychedelics. And it's a nice drugged-up experience, of course. So what's music like on a strong heroin dose?",2.772142857142857,5.040760261904765,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,77.33333333333333,5.152380952380953,20.02380952380953,5.985473137389443,-0.07059047619047609,169,4,34,1,4,52,31,42,0.065,0.5720000000000001,0.363,0.9268,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,4,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621523183732116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6071863790734697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5615242399178082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,riku74,2019/04/08,"I wish less people cared about me. It would make disappearing easier I could rant all day about this, but I’ll keep it relatively short.

I’m a 22, almost 23, yo male college student. I’ve dealt with depression for about 8-9 years, have been self harming for the past 6 years, and attempted suicide twice.

The purpose of life to me is to help society flourish and advance in someway. However I don’t feel like I can do that. I feel like everything I do and say is a mistake. I feel worthless; a waste of time, effort, money. I feel so hallow. My days are drawn out with fake smiles and empty emotions. My nights are sleepless, because I’m lost in my thoughts. Even when I do sleep, I’m plagued by nightmares which play back all my insecurities. The only thing that quiets my mind is alcohol. The only thing that proves that I’m still alive is cutting myself. However, even those are starting to become numb. I get drunk but I’m still lost in my thoughts. I cut deeper, stitch, and cauterize my wounds, but I don’t feel anything. I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting this fight.

I have shared this with my close friends and family. They understand and support me, but don’t try to bombard me about it. I’m grateful that they don’t because there is nothing that can be said or done to change how I feel. If anything, I would be annoyed if they made a big deal about it. Instead they help out by being there for me. 

Everything is casual with my friends. We study, joke around, and hang out; you know, normal stuff. However when they see that I’m having a tough day, they allow me to rant. They’re there to listen to what I have to say. They don’t judge me. They don’t make it into a competition by saying that they or someone else has it worse. They just listen. 

It’s similar with my family too. They obviously treated me differently the first time they found out. They wanted to force me into a mental institution, see a therapist, and take meds. I talked them down into just taking the meds. I tried therapy for a while but it doesn’t help. Now, everything is normal. I talk to them every now and then about school and personal life. They do their best to support me. They tell me that no matter what happens, they’re proud of me and they will support my choices. 

Even people who don’t know about my depression are kind to me. That’s kind of a big deal to me because I feel like sometimes my friends are only their for me because they feel obligated. However if another person is kind to me and is willing to listen to me, it shows that they actually care. I know many people who genuinely care about me and my well being... I hate it.

I wish people hated me. I wish no one cared about me or loved me. I wish I was forgotten and ignored. It would make disappearing so much easier if that were true. I died a long time ago. I have not been living for myself since my first suicide attempt. I’m only alive for everyone else. It’s a dangerous way to live because there will be a point where life builds up so much that I will abandon everyone and everything. I already know that I will kill myself one day, and I know how to do it so no one will ever find my body. Until that day comes, I will continue living for everyone else.",2.5458258764080384,4.6062351490683255,3.765085798505108,87.51005421623331,77.16770186335404,6.974797347089168,24.11401200126329,7.949061565357697,1.2987261606484894,2532,85,517,42,59,824,263,644,0.17,0.647,0.182,0.7501,5,0,1,0,3,4,85.0,1,1,22,10,38,48,9,1,19,0,58,10,2,8,6,100,119,41,4,16,15,0,8,3,3,10,6,8,0,4,40,33,2,4,20,5,1,5,13,22,1,6,12,18,99,26,62,91,7,54,0,6,2,1,52,19,0,8,32,354,139,3,0.0,0.0,0.05459262975249583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959039533332292,0.05978641682464005,0.05601917384331119,0.0,0.06173486662416777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058661469603780575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207320400095073,0.04980143312751383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043016975154722574,0.0,0.17051270357218834,0.06178502359974152,0.0,0.0,0.05870908372416717,0.0,0.0,0.062140439030444576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815185354856235,0.0,0.059180635720385566,0.048190233703652316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466620470506611,0.0,0.0,0.18039413057387324,0.11535025380650038,0.09636783324589146,0.0,0.058060354431589814,0.05844888319178679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724945976112963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402004458118257,0.06292872754360566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085014503500966,0.050603953694927616,0.047134676625140405,0.16036877582664985,0.20111306637543272,0.0,0.10547680392822062,0.0,0.2262930682278021,0.11989779946252085,0.0,0.0,0.05113119910763023,0.09517075256530208,0.0,0.061338984594181474,0.12966505674284598,0.0,0.029228086086153807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947051065794954,0.0,0.0,0.11046493219787354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249292436371094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945002176821936,0.06189301682902613,0.17476913892667226,0.1844699791624758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854330609391027,0.08199327010439134,0.0,0.14819698200414858,0.049508095317309785,0.0,0.0,0.1221375278593057,0.0,0.05049104837242754,0.052934940802651896,0.1120278412355578,0.056717765935519686,0.0,0.0,0.12428087806088915,0.0,0.056377728536962914,0.0,0.05648682557705882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337437509967365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249903472680315,0.10962519027978744,0.053679143369271286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372596468605975,0.17018972338349395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340424799073832,0.15513627166517308,0.09769513301263873,0.0,0.0,0.05288453862692899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053214927076395364,0.13346516770757366,0.0,0.056617646582617163,0.08915919767537117,0.0,0.0583611042341115,0.0,0.0,0.04627690881176708,0.0,0.055983741443235785,0.0,0.04740061029687343,0.0,0.0553293935615996,0.0,0.03959698387206277,0.0,0.08935284691000005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404173978114698,0.12238586761003133,0.1904515172492305,0.0,0.0,0.08412485863862715,0.08993027492224027,0.048896944815910434,0.0,0.06397608460859895,0.06495452937779347,0.07433253833782016,0.0,0.0,0.0888255257902303,0.0978630340218355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596371105766453,0.0,0.0,0.058238989713226115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032996831275021836,0.044405219210717765,0.0,0.0,0.050299781034222495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573283196763568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701104266230304,0.11922163057201092,0.0,0.0,0.07205135335506134
suicidewatch,Sonofarson,2019/04/08,"If someone you know kills themselves out of the blue and it doesn't make sense It could be because they realized that as far back as they remember they did not feel a part of anything.

They tried religion, but they were the mustard seeds that sprouted in shallow earth.

They seemed to be cursed in the field of romance, being unable to feel the love others may have had for them.

Normal life eventually wore them down due the stress depression and anxiety creates.

Finally, there was nothing they could see in the future to look forward to, just pain.",9.18,8.228193470588234,7.752274509803923,75.8172352941177,60.37254901960784,10.905098039215686,38.047058823529404,9.888512548439397,3.619997647058824,442,18,79,7,5,133,76,102,0.142,0.7490000000000001,0.109,-0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,9,0,3,6,1,1,7,0,12,3,0,1,0,18,21,6,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,5,10,2,15,10,1,11,0,1,3,1,11,7,0,3,5,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166329048630299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892173150279228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671859204251453,0.0,0.13253987844734186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471913363808248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872672920706573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21987258960804595,0.0,0.0,0.2381777707137935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405478523125245,0.0,0.11949074811419755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357326317704714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825817118382116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19623398356144306,0.0,0.145132455911052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302971992785344,0.20862454785688744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313548602073381,0.0,0.0,0.2354494058464227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462994278942074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325907358792927,0.1979349813891596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422296390420187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490588822783682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761687573807908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,teeapple,2019/04/08,"I dont know what to do anymore My fiance might be gay...
Dropped out of school for a failed passion...
My parents are disappointed in how I turned out 
I live in my sisters shadow 

I can't do it anymore I don't know if I can",-0.09306122448979436,1.6995658163265368,2.440163265306122,95.02269387755103,84.71428571428571,4.736326530612245,24.08571428571429,5.6839178017228535,0.2751926530612248,171,7,41,1,5,59,34,49,0.147,0.853,0.0,-0.7506,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,0,7,12,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,7,10,0,5,0,2,0,2,2,4,0,2,0,30,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5759157200125357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402982945651297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191471528425516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563920974091148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080247505876042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224090321704167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29385855827911894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158269432832669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,B650083m,2019/04/08,"By the time anyone reads this, I'll be gone. I just can't do this shit anymore. Made an account just so there could be some form of documentation. Borrowed dads shotgun. I was nineteen, male. Bye, Reddit.",1.0223076923076917,3.6190070000000034,2.0732051282051285,91.77596153846157,94.3846153846154,3.6256410256410256,21.884615384615387,5.46131890053228,0.10410769230769246,159,6,31,1,6,50,34,39,0.111,0.889,0.0,-0.6428,1,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,0,5,8,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267935239467615,0.3009121097613051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34360103701536204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072094478193941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304684381607803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4417501219176725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25094169963925345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pickledzuccini12,2019/04/08,"In the hospital parking lot, can’t convince myself to go in. I’m here in the hospital parking lot because I was going to end it all to escape my problems, but I can’t convince myself to get out of my car and walk in. What’s it like once I go in? What will happen to my life if I’m labeled with whatever they label me with? I don’t want to die but it seems like the best option right now.",1.197857142857142,2.370407523255817,3.745614617940202,90.09058139534883,78.4186046511628,6.309634551495018,23.913621262458467,6.868970318607317,0.7387063122923596,301,10,69,3,7,106,52,86,0.077,0.715,0.208,0.8823,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,14,14,4,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,11,5,15,12,4,14,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,5,4,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154354865701693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26572896165114074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627926841558356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242694843412001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229211689309125,0.0,0.4317163531971182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391334688940595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885017468521208,0.2474118727474145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305412897218959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696610847738682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24228840097801985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624051673310446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23051347132575836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493502053904491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,truepurpose89,2019/04/08,Urge to drive off a bridge Does anyone have the urge to drive off a bridge? Like the second you start going over it you literally have to take your hand off the gas and steering wheel. You have to concentrate hard on any task or thought and every impulse is telling you to drive off?  Like the idea doesn’t happen till you get on the bridge but it’s so intense so real.  Not just that you have the thought but you actively have to fight your body and mind not to?,2.081052009456265,4.1977076489361735,2.291843971631206,97.23388888888887,78.8936170212766,5.454373522458629,20.01891252955083,6.42735559955562,-0.12188037825059085,365,9,82,3,9,110,53,94,0.047,0.84,0.113,0.6809999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,9,0,0,3,3,1,0,8,0,7,2,2,0,0,14,14,9,0,0,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,2,2,9,2,15,12,0,13,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,4,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714562766557207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182144258400006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893513756351069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279610520822025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219478390149744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609795888417345,0.0,0.14804539092965185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303549916220556,0.0,0.2333524785935514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29406730499552336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545295341508928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26302583214731723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29650049847283066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843798005477422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585992593542773,0.0,0.22768423377095626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136080864559499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SeanRox11,2019/04/08,How painful is cutting? Considering cutting my wrists for my way out eventually. I rather not feel too much pain if I can help it.,2.141866666666669,4.8737085200000045,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,83.8,6.533333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.913533333333334,103,5,21,2,3,33,22,25,0.308,0.602,0.09,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,6,3,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979980429106312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264860836707826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904808493692784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8409353048256613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136518207043565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,living_a_lie_222,2019/04/08,Enough is enough If god existed he should have mercy on me and throw down the lightning bolt,7.195,7.054837388888894,5.852222222222222,85.165,64.0,9.422222222222222,29.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.9257111111111112,75,2,15,1,1,22,17,18,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HappilyNotHappy,2019/04/08,"Really want death now Sent my friend pretty deep and emotional stuff. I check and turns out they are online, oh well. They hadn’t responded, and I feel so helpless now, kinda just want to die. I’m tempted to get the stuff I need. Oh well. Hope I can live the night.",-0.1744444444444433,2.137551833333333,1.2462037037037028,98.15041666666669,95.48148148148148,4.9222222222222225,14.157407407407408,6.6274283507984215,-0.4962148148148153,205,4,46,3,8,65,40,54,0.17800000000000002,0.55,0.272,0.3273,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,11,12,4,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,1,7,4,3,10,0,6,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709896205966316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25697976063691225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115513098661253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650282865197847,0.0,0.1193576743005045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269061573618092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172887883968588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939558787230766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438840263239506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324196313657697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635334544765335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230498566279321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484921174237157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694959244791949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108147803022608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anon131436,2019/04/08,"Please help I do not know any of you, but I'm 23 and living in Virginia, currently in the military. My life has no meaning, I'm not suicidal but the thought is always there. Like I know I'm not going to it but the thought is there. How do I get rid of it?",-0.5668421052631558,1.20002521052632,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,86.36842105263158,5.905263157894738,21.780701754385966,7.1686216300943375,0.5135754385964919,195,7,49,3,6,68,36,57,0.046,0.7609999999999999,0.193,0.8332,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,13,15,5,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,13,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504893062119411,0.0,0.0,0.2047174498743401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728091877305556,0.0,0.17108790827163212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178069417249075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308873038898157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263337875184204,0.147072885274496,0.0,0.2658237402237159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279206956033565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304514011826785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292887814447429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779840960371819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,akira20192020,2019/04/08,"31 years old Male and I can't keep going I am at my breaking point again. I'm divorced with a 5 year old son. Worthless job, alcoholic, haven't been on a date in years
Tried before and panicked before I could suffocate. Not looking for attention but I literally have no one to talk to. 
Just tired of the day to day depression
Only thing I want to do is drink after work, and black out half of my remaining life 
Or drink enough to not wake up",2.2176098901098875,4.019086736263739,3.6286675824175854,89.3069574175824,77.24175824175825,7.187362637362638,23.46291208791209,8.07648339933343,1.1754714285714278,347,11,75,6,8,114,69,91,0.172,0.812,0.016,-0.9349,1,0,3,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,8,6,1,0,0,14,13,5,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,3,1,1,2,0,1,5,2,0,2,1,2,7,0,15,11,1,18,0,2,2,0,4,6,0,1,10,47,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809472687409266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31545741920942233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479958173025308,0.0,0.0,0.23908524995258215,0.0,0.159651310616974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631667725360164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152764658187005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534502885534212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394236702587088,0.1647575314438205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309260814893941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565670474191973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38901074947847136,0.0,0.12560553109722927,0.14097552822623768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522622681823471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898629316325904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314572993292244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304540587037565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584807213357485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933082506530233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494514490206352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580995631242753
suicidewatch,Tauburn_,2019/04/08,"I feel like I'm approaching my limit I tried to kill myself after my brother's wedding a year and a half ago. I failed and I then decided that if I had to live, I would take it as far as I could - that I would live life the best that I could, that I would try.

I've had good days and very bad ones since, but I've kept pushing because I told myself that if I'm not intentionally living, I'm going to kill myself. I didn't want to be one of those people who just meander through 80 years of existence. I've done a lot in a year and a half. I tripled my salary from a minimum wage job in Canada, published a poem, a story, directed a short film, and went to a shit load of concerts and raves. I've lived, and the entire time I haven't stopped thinking of killing myself.

I knew it wouldn't go forever, of course. I knew that one day I would give up and I was ok with that being tomorrow - whenever it came.

It was my first film, and I made it about the day I tried to kill myself. It's one of the hardest things I've done, and I felt so fucking alive doing it, and then it was done and I'm here and it's all meaningless. I'm alone.

Honestly, I feel like I made it this far by getting high with increasing frequency. I haven't had anything good in a few months now and I'm not sure whether I need it to keep going, or as my way out - I'm a bit scared to find out. I feel like I'm approaching my limit.

Thanks for reading - you're all I have.",2.047446867620504,2.839347654952082,3.854771496041117,91.66434643700515,75.64536741214056,7.360411168217808,23.83233782469788,7.7425588080867325,0.8538243922767039,1108,32,268,15,23,375,150,313,0.147,0.7440000000000001,0.109,-0.9424,3,1,0,0,0,4,35.0,0,0,0,5,6,19,6,1,16,1,23,3,1,3,3,57,55,25,4,11,8,1,4,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,22,19,0,5,9,4,1,9,6,9,0,7,19,5,38,10,31,27,8,36,0,1,0,1,5,10,2,4,19,170,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149870805851457,0.0,0.0,0.09522146436398754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565827134920246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676553727357814,0.05604538925447861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964847011736492,0.0,0.10037398470305224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051541513297428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468122184899755,0.0,0.0,0.17787987150685838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822577018928157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946193042423494,0.19704452222199187,0.08827621739702342,0.0,0.08403092253540438,0.07820358485644836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499647009696157,0.04803452844111388,0.0881966254848774,0.1567537955636411,0.15422877034455282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713899682467464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123564256604033,0.08171994028302024,0.40686918307505504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493949907504773,0.13475080281343169,0.0,0.3247366078404881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816356829081887,0.0,0.17399051802562024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338513145486589,0.0,0.0,0.06817188112232828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24920199788214545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373918592876412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196425445228423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204735267975504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437444656788256,0.07605320053914535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686543373082916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665177226883389,0.0,0.06912696751629098,0.0,0.0,0.08464542345869486,0.0,0.0,0.06108043503710073,0.05891103873545011,0.0,0.0,0.05361058854143788,0.0,0.0,0.08785201216854083,0.0,0.1872624003776555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585961251050279,0.0542282250597834,0.07297719593489138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522872112535845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612443746802001,0.0,0.0,0.17761782819542848
suicidewatch,Infectedthrowaway123,2019/04/08,"What am i? I’ll tell you what i am. I am pathetic 
I am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic iam pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i an pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic i am pathetic 

I am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak i am weak

I am a burden i am a burden i am a burden
I am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden i am burden i am a burden  i am a burden i am a burden i am a burden


Useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless

Boring dull mundane uninteresting nothing ever happens female girl woman stupid attnetion seeker good for nothing validation sucker moody emotional unreliable unfunny skilless no experience bad in everything cant get shit done half assed effort nothing good just pathetic

Ungrateful unthankful terrible awful defenceless weak crybaby short fragile routine follower sheep predictable waste dependent incompetent female weird avoidant devalued scared fearful egotistic submissive wet blanket cant lie for shit petty unexperienced naive idiot moron


Disposable victim inferior lame sensitive unappreciative easy fuck up ruiner consumer complainee faulty failure 

You’re a burden on yourself and others.
Just die, nothing needs you. You don’t matter.

Talking to yourself? Trying to sooth yourself? You need something to suck on, bitch? 


You would only be useful as an object, valued even. For a few hours at least.

Seriously, slit your wrists. Hang yourself.

Go away.",1.1369140271493237,3.7288818256410248,4.7897888386123695,74.34246606334844,88.43589743589745,8.08446455505279,29.441930618401212,8.728711383574653,3.431229260935144,1552,85,266,49,51,575,130,390,0.638,0.311,0.051,-0.9998,1,1,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,6,0,1,4,87,10,3,21,1,74,34,4,2,1,11,83,2,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,29,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,85,0,1,1,2,75,2,13,80,2,12,0,18,0,2,10,7,6,1,2,195,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547400648441025,0.0,0.12928202581918224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069586116330034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845151700353696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417024342222073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022680604856116,0.14005849597173226,0.0,0.0,0.13915707933918658,0.15145982635703722,0.0,0.17423413096257814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314386679081925,0.08089569052327526,0.0,0.08799716194300039,0.2597390518962472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692142237495725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248278174968394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296186337884863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5942792636856533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177601498819578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501836694403412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178749233364502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920071693556265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445172884975485,0.135333942280792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512383264861573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372903857266755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999142060374292,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,warm_guns,2019/04/08,Paracetamol overdose I’m in the waiting room with my dad because i took 17 500g paracetamol. They say we have to wait for 4 hours until my bloods come back so my dad thinks they won’t pump my stomach. What will happen?,-0.0037142857142846712,2.3321540888888923,1.3393650793650806,96.91,97.0,4.34920634920635,19.761904761904766,6.18269132825596,0.10052380952380968,174,6,37,2,7,55,38,45,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,6,10,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,5,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32111404521280257,0.0,0.25456938246958905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597314973605548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369288536420331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112588251342954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33209788882516705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675857363293656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639767999065066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simplyunlucky0,2019/04/08,I’m not really religious but why would you go to hell if you commit suicide like that seems unfair I always hear god has a plan and he knows how everything will go and that he is the reason everyone is born. Then by that logic I was born only to lead a life of emptiness and mental illness which will makes me want to end it and that’s his plan for me yet I’ll still get punished for it??? So why is that unforgivable,2.464691558441558,3.828287125000003,4.062857142857143,88.32500000000002,75.47727272727273,7.301298701298702,21.662337662337666,7.957251820313856,0.8300110389610382,329,8,72,5,7,110,63,88,0.262,0.6459999999999999,0.092,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,2,0,3,4,3,2,0,3,0,8,2,0,4,1,17,17,9,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,7,13,0,9,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,7,45,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997517018795786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262462189390388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939054714358925,0.2157532042745651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542304369480473,0.0,0.2728667452123478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705685225208551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193238282677866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956364295307672,0.11728268794462456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602439606081303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419271069909401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825787792725742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537905471812992,0.2468248141917853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854439905664227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171467452939334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26259003028171746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159541608705334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332391551058935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053391426911269,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LusterPurge01,2019/04/08,"What is the point of living? Hello, I hope y'all are having a good day.

I'm considering committing suicide tomorrow possibly. I planned on just waiting until I was 22 years old because that's the age I need to be in order to get a gun but then I realized that there was another opportunity. My parents agreed to give me money for a prom ticket but I could just use it for gas money to drive to the Grand Canyon. I think that'd be enough for gas and for however much the entrance fee is. It's a 7 hour drive and if I left at like 6 I could get there before school ended so they wouldn't even realize if I was gone.

I'm conflicted because I really don't want to live anymore but there's also a part of me that thinks I shouldn't do it, even though I know that I have to do it. Everyday my mood fluctuates. One moment, I'll be super happy and the next I'm crying in class, which is what happened today.  I often ignore my friends and distance myself from them and then the next day I'll be having a blast with them. I feel like I don't have friends though, I've been finding that I have more moments that I'm either jealous, mad, sad and such because of them. 

I know I have a really toxic personality as well and I don't want to blame them for it because it really isn't their fault because they were just being nice because they like me I guess. They would often tell me things and joke like that I'm cute, better than everyone else,  beautiful and so on. After a couple of years I think I began to actually believe these things and I did in fact believe that I was better than everyone else. I would reject girls that had crushes on me in mean ways, I got good grades(I had a 4.5 at the time) and would constantly think that the ""average"" students were all stupid and that I was better, I constantly insult people(jokingly, to my friends but I have crossed the line a few times). I think I'm legit retarded because there was this one weird time where a guy had a crush on me and I rejected him and he moved on but for some reason I didn't like that. So I got jealous of the guy that he liked and tried to get him to like me again by doing various things. I had absolutely no interest in the guy, I just wanted someone to like me, if that even makes sense. 

I'm not always like this though. Again, it's on and off. Sometimes I think I'm better than everyone and then other times I think that I'm a piece of shit with no chance of improvement that no one likes but this last year maybe I've mainly been realizing that I'm a piece of shit. However, I'm also very nice to my friends sometimes like making them smile, getting em gifts, and helping them with problems they have. 

This last year has been especially hard because karma really bit me in the ass. I came out of the closet and told this guy that I've had a huge crush on for a long time and he rejected me because he told me that he was straight. Then I got into a car crash which caused stress for my family because they would now have to pay more for insurance. *Then* I got my report card in the mail and managed to fail three of my classes, which also made my parents have to pay even more for insurance because we got some kinda discount if you get above a 3.0 GPA or sumthin. I got rejected by all of the colleges I applied to except for Cal State Fullerton which I was kinda excited to go to but I can't go cuz I really need to die lol. Idk, I really just lost all motivation to do anything, completely gave up on school. I would always just come home and lie down and stare at the wall or ceiling and think about how I need to blow my brains out, or break my head at the Grand Canyon, or rot my organs with Advil. I have no goals in life, I don't love anyone enough to keep living nor does anyone love me, I have absolutely no interest in having to work in college and don't want to work after college, if I did even live after high school I promised myself that I'd just be a prostitute or find a sugar daddy cuz that's probably the only job my retarded ass could get. 

I was diagnosed with severe major depressive disorder or whatever the heck they call it but I honestly don't think I have that. Quite a few people have said that me not having goals and hating life was just me being edgy and not actual depression and I think that's true. I don't even have any valid reasons to want to kill myself, I've never had the same level of struggles that others do, I'm just a piece of shit. Which only makes me think that I really need to kill myself as soon as possible. I feel like my existence itself is embarrassing and I would do anything to end my life.

Everyone says the same thing over and over, that ""life will get better"", ""there's light at the end of the tunnel"", and whatever other crap they say. It's like that meme about SuicideWatch where someone says ""I wanna commit die"" and the two comments say ""please don't"" lol. My therapist doesn't help, the pills don't, the dog my parents got me doesn't, my friends don't, all of my attempts to better myself don't either. I've basically lost all hope by now.

I don't even know if anyone's going to read this or care at all, just thought I should rant somewhere.

I understand that I need to kill myself but it's just really hard.",4.6563098540753485,4.898115716542755,5.620681351606283,83.3691613493869,69.34386617100373,8.951761637907119,27.305054652388616,8.884320809592294,1.8445687066526104,4125,121,871,68,67,1363,385,1076,0.179,0.65,0.171,-0.9255,6,3,0,1,0,7,96.0,1,2,15,19,46,78,13,3,48,2,90,18,8,12,11,168,174,76,6,32,39,3,4,13,5,10,7,5,2,6,62,43,1,4,27,3,6,11,29,30,1,5,42,12,129,47,114,111,28,101,1,10,1,4,58,41,7,22,58,588,191,23,0.0,0.0,0.07749871010262241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526360414389078,0.06608060178177527,0.0,0.0,0.027002853909221938,0.04163738079323196,0.0,0.0,0.03937974236139532,0.08329443178689559,0.0,0.06535272780812575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26626242602988753,0.0,0.033788648765359836,0.08947480988157815,0.0,0.21071140281245865,0.043350935623674536,0.0,0.0,0.04432734601939654,0.040546386097868065,0.045415461569487635,0.04048503075803847,0.04079113302302821,0.0,0.03420499221697812,0.0416331631044544,0.08582064905454251,0.0,0.0951110048787507,0.04393623178011576,0.04361745787732516,0.051216849208184825,0.0,0.06840101682040484,0.040302862159144914,0.08242142935683691,0.0,0.045508896222017765,0.0,0.03474880564362118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634200596606095,0.0,0.10550871033510843,0.08205811605799741,0.0,0.18358767186750705,0.0,0.0,0.1517710763479483,0.0,0.0,0.037433240930341005,0.0,0.040155193503976665,0.05673491607819984,0.0,0.0,0.07258492574559558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533918083892771,0.0,0.14522081886330446,0.038091605558267606,0.06770104544867593,0.06661050185767789,0.22230723523832116,0.0,0.04374292338370276,0.15726895592470735,0.03511372122473957,0.042269986180596464,0.07114127480145684,0.03920350510554706,0.04075194263344874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323097381083691,0.041953763321769776,0.039830438684029836,0.07887815980789302,0.0391044571189796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940413922159178,0.035294363184447834,0.13179331139630995,0.0,0.06546756175038411,0.06473476480612103,0.0,0.0,0.043142941686977486,0.0,0.11218795595948716,0.25219168804449765,0.0,0.14025183739383176,0.03514039847616775,0.0,0.0,0.08669211308497705,0.0,0.07167617933652219,0.03757274242112002,0.07951634891649623,0.0,0.03989210032890253,0.04325373651646761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042203401599860385,0.0291900053581399,0.1472151792430025,0.03062531679569175,0.0,0.08445998042672619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041666947041595716,0.0,0.08072166158970462,0.06039956352505582,0.0,0.0,0.13227336063945053,0.04299997770987941,0.0,0.027528580777955815,0.0346715610976658,0.0,0.0435875442748567,0.037536967412454936,0.08952978081115508,0.0,0.0,0.04281202285026178,0.037995266857103235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04223442749884496,0.039718822424302615,0.0,0.20350408653269575,0.08165303275513923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03777147414699522,0.12630982592168513,0.0,0.12056008107023952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044858824391178914,0.122279310813087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728904932294145,0.0,0.0785446066845365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548546787755688,0.041511503476415385,0.0,0.04343419119745797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03470660937540681,0.0,0.0,0.04610413772814957,0.10552112741136872,0.27987665537336176,0.11703895170269404,0.03152377758746526,0.11577049468957196,0.0,0.03763861391476688,0.07588553817397416,0.0,0.02695917767777149,0.0,0.03878902127788345,0.04133750838636397,0.0,0.034295029211966005,0.0,0.03276332197141218,0.11710426264871188,0.031518423148479004,0.0,0.0,0.03570232984076372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781590574237759,0.0,0.0,0.16924487110349934,0.0,0.0,0.10228279845614564
suicidewatch,nonnewtonianfluids,2019/04/08,"No one stays Half of this experience is trying to find relationships that stick.
Natural life progression is that things change.

I dont want to be needy.
I am judged if I am.

I don't understand the rules.
I'm tired of being alone.
I can weather a lot, but late nights are brutal.

So much is good.
Why doesnt the feeling end?",0.29166666666666785,2.703995742424244,2.109393939393944,93.0007575757576,91.57575757575756,5.963636363636365,17.939393939393938,7.3871296695380915,0.4181030303030305,253,7,56,5,9,83,52,66,0.221,0.691,0.08800000000000001,-0.7245,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,12,2,0,0,0,7,16,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,1,5,1,4,14,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425481873643674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477398995502529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744666447833227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074210973153046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22908084532693304,0.0,0.0,0.11841251219519044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404363060001566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642582130176808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641743154511844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541394205821308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909830134936551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721551592127735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976961604728634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869188023313166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514303180701313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24961329642724844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558413116863118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26916470745567633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589983101550877,0.0,0.0,0.2437980140942097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813017663706328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211318285134588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lmteets,2019/04/08,"Why is it so easy to purchase a gun? I hit a real frightening low today.
Low enough to research gun ownership and what is needed to walk into a gun shop and walk out with one. 
It takes nothing. 
An ID and a payment method and there you go, a brand new weapon and bullets included in the price. 
The only thought in mind was self harm, nothing other than that. 

I didn't go.
But if anyone looked at my Google history, it'd be cause for concern.
It should be any way.

I'm fine, I give my word but man, there should really be something more to buying one.

Even though a background check would've given zero red flags in my case.

Still.",1.486748798076924,3.6571061484374994,2.723437500000003,93.07396634615385,81.265625,5.500961538461539,20.783653846153847,6.67199483983844,0.2888550480769232,489,14,104,5,13,157,92,128,0.115,0.8540000000000001,0.031,-0.7491,0,0,2,3,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,19,20,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,1,1,5,4,1,4,0,3,4,2,7,1,13,9,2,16,0,2,2,0,4,8,0,1,3,64,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386357270771879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254769947747145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094263222680507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064785634379887,0.0,0.13465143064043636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955666408395588,0.2317232514562106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119591748029547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584633084292925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116389904388644,0.0,0.196894848960262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912294448298288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276289468833898,0.15504911874483768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320438992834273,0.1306016444339798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126764789454312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694584401546766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280748208891624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328170158737353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20029710217794774,0.161846664087801,0.0,0.0,0.19324093015476454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618191737882776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395716488125616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482040699844592,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway2042K,2019/04/08,Trying to pull together Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist.  Like I exist physically in a sense but to everyone else I’m invisible.  I’ve experimented at times where I’d leave work early and no one would notice or care. Sometimes I just didn’t show up at all and again... no one noticed or cared.  Can’t bring myself to tell anyone I still feel this way but I can’t shake the feeling that no one would notice if I just didn’t wake up.,1.9588186813186823,3.696018000000002,4.017678571428572,86.51794642857145,77.7912087912088,6.747802197802199,21.26510989010989,7.6454224807358475,0.7137131868131874,342,9,74,5,8,117,58,91,0.131,0.722,0.147,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,7,1,1,0,1,15,14,7,0,3,7,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,3,8,1,0,3,2,3,8,4,8,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,6,46,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465101501711478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33435487365712313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697515234404342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667951248576034,0.0,0.16039325395132048,0.0,0.0,0.2487231280175138,0.11713956579807895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361961348159302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021405065729089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5600397596158274,0.0,0.0,0.3333291398927717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243392872962341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094594400539591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331623041285674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561170734066628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132426328417036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015104833024005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937146581040045,0.0,0.0,0.2329579041742108,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zachcrist,2019/04/08,"I’m so fucking broken I’m 19 years old. I’m on the brink of failing college. Cannot for the life of me land a job, 64 applications, one interview.

All of my friends are doing good shit with their lives. Army, actually meaningful jobs etc and I’m sitting here laying in bed every single fucking day

I had motivation when the love of my life was with me. She was all I had. She was my whole world, and she cheated on me a week ago and left me for the guy that I told her I compared myself to, since she talked about how good looking he was.

I feel worthless. I have absolutely no friends, and nobody to talk to. She was it. I tried talking to her about how I felt and how sad I was and she called me selfish and told me how pathetic I was because I only talk about myself
I have nobody to talk to.
I have no interest in doing literally anything
I go to class, browse local jobs, find none, get disappointed, and go to bed.
I would so much rather just be dead because I’m so sure that I’m not going to do anything meaningful with my life. 

Fuck me, man. I hate this shit so much",1.685312500000002,3.4231704776785747,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,78.59821428571428,6.444285714285713,23.7,7.365786028017652,0.8684435714285716,833,28,185,11,20,280,116,224,0.185,0.688,0.127,-0.9497,3,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,2,15,19,7,0,6,0,19,9,2,5,3,28,39,17,1,2,3,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,2,2,4,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,12,0,1,12,3,38,7,25,25,8,19,0,4,1,4,24,9,5,0,6,124,42,8,0.0,0.0,0.10952868847429596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949275179462096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847256181570808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683922445310945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114608165369236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723846153585006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517571420485596,0.0,0.0,0.0945658660485331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675121139562436,0.0,0.1077666627616248,0.0,0.10258405216540792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343053656847404,0.3112883469283079,0.0586400389602754,0.0,0.1913633583452704,0.18828083454357364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113386569496064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081238622217114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341384921388625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194757341484515,0.0,0.2378323393237788,0.0,0.0,0.09910874507146672,0.0,0.09425216070794976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129972366226593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650165789444049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177755360353926,0.0,0.07605578392791966,0.08536251724137321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304226315193001,0.09284493441288592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578355751010472,0.0,0.0,0.4510656983837426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144975951046251,0.0,0.07620264568227722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003103930224396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253103949061146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973108515148605,0.0,0.0,0.07227798213381678
suicidewatch,Throwaway779463,2019/04/08,I got better. Now I’m worse than I was before. These past 3-4 weeks my life has fallen apart. I don’t know how to stop at this point.,-2.20951612903226,-0.4615836451612907,0.37443548387096826,106.18165322580644,95.12903225806451,3.1,7.75,3.1291,-2.5327483870967744,101,0,28,0,4,34,28,31,0.246,0.662,0.091,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,3,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186134845219132,0.0,0.0,0.3311540844421361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29946694036459626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20577766729979366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644719223448833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35743707324067114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539586347095641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31304135865249866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003462283893649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815775148663583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mj_134,2019/04/08,"I Couldn’t Do It I have this hanger that’s pretty short (door knob height) and I was able to make a noose with a tie

So I decided I just wanted to die but I just backed out,I was on the verge of blacking out but somehow or for some reason I didn’t go through with it
 
My neck hurts so damn much though and I feel so shit I just self harmed instead! 

Next time,hopefully it will be a different story,so I hope!

It’s so weird I know I deserve to die so why can’t I do it? Ive always hated my life and everything is just getting worse

I WANT TO FUCKING DIEEE!!
Anyway thanks for reading.",-0.9963097426470569,1.0787955546875023,1.2667830882352966,99.39108455882356,93.453125,4.261764705882353,16.904411764705884,5.900188976854957,-0.5800667279411766,453,12,109,4,17,151,83,128,0.284,0.612,0.104,-0.9848,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,14,9,4,0,4,0,12,4,2,2,0,24,23,12,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,2,17,2,12,17,2,8,0,1,1,1,1,5,3,4,2,73,24,1,0.19296955493441706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605661281741768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838167644479922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005438641165231,0.20161211343032892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17342859322632295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757120506121962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839724406688645,0.1008186279285676,0.0,0.10966904505436777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905174848873828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166230900382547,0.0,0.0,0.2065778996485583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060510208021152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363001034379047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880867635187462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185482623836007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20522531086462284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631941117556886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930217752365211,0.0,0.0,0.1984048415065708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130933089274725,0.0,0.1980804750931619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766043990626326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959160796311986,0.0,0.1125220993023122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276368863381788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741250088340717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665246232846265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheInternetPolice2,2019/04/08,"Don't lie on the depression screening At least for my district, it's time for depression screenings. Whatever you do, TELL THE TRUTH ON THEM. They only exist to help you and get you out of this mess. Before you say ""You're not even depressed! How would you know what is and isn't useful?"" These tests and screenings have been proven to successfully detect depression a majority of the time.

TLDR: Once your schools have their depression screenings, be truthful.",4.1774966532797855,7.202320698795184,3.929558232931728,83.31540829986615,76.95180722891567,7.062382864792503,27.29451137884873,8.167268648758528,2.1608109772423028,370,15,63,7,9,112,60,83,0.179,0.6759999999999999,0.145,-0.6522,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,6,3,1,2,9,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,2,11,12,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,5,10,3,10,9,2,6,0,5,4,0,12,4,0,0,2,44,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234117511351118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8215999940317017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600951366111585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996755641176184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787695212226358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484863304418013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317628424621514,0.0,0.14509807993643667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171726539662214,0.0,0.19308126592687694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675161499756233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22249268719671994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647741341030055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552584601057222,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Praxyys,2019/04/08,"Fuck it. My life has consistently been going downhill for the past decade. I turn 20 next week and all I can think about is ending my life. I've been to multiple counselors for the issues in my life and its never helped. I'm at a college where i hate all of my classes and haven't even selected a major yet, my only social interaction for the day is saying ""hello"" ""bye"" ""whats up"" to my roommate like twice a day. I have some friends back home but I know I'm disposable to them, if i never saw them again, in a few days I'd be forgotten and replaced. Forgotten and replaced is probably the theme of my life in fact, along with disappointment and failure. Maybe I'm just bitching, I dont know, but i do know jumping off the top a building is whats on my mind a good 50% of the time. Thanks for listening.",1.865140562248996,3.699060614457835,3.6537108433734957,88.5782369477912,78.39759036144578,6.836305220883535,24.31967871485943,7.793537801064563,1.2005876305220884,626,22,135,10,15,210,101,166,0.126,0.7909999999999999,0.083,-0.7992,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,7,8,3,0,12,0,13,5,0,0,5,23,27,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,1,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,3,3,18,4,20,23,5,24,0,1,1,1,10,9,2,2,15,89,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615115164410012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174132152232271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227578501695586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530747204952138,0.0,0.0,0.10835934268417748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675148339520748,0.15166979055896854,0.0,0.0,0.0932384420017254,0.1376048044680022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197417836711042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099652087674109,0.0,0.1645644327587039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171234846442876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27048740911475605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635185537696306,0.08015088162701105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481919554683036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565270044291047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530646436771163,0.0,0.1744784796370863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247741706942264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566127642049965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688322017981825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046620588054814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723736730643032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104337430848658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512230562544747,0.0,0.0,0.09566405200765617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844895028609495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159813731725514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lancel0,2019/04/08,"I basically just want out. I’m mentally ill, life sucks, and I pretty much just want out of here.",-0.43416666666666615,1.8105452500000008,2.3500000000000014,90.08833333333334,96.5,6.666666666666668,16.666666666666668,7.793537801064563,0.6921666666666675,75,2,17,2,3,26,15,20,0.229,0.519,0.251,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33365408879530817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4760452596567812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472517011796657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805775828222867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5572407941859576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WrinkyWang,2019/04/08,"A dear friend is going through some serious crap, I need some advice on how to comfort him.  

Alright, So I can come off as socially inept a lot of the time or just plain insensitive when I choose to socialize with people in real life or on discord because I'm always blunt and up front with people when they ask me questions or choose to talk to me. The reality Is I lack experience socializing properly with others outside of a DnD gaming session. I feel this problem should be handled with a delicate hand, and I'm not the most graceful dancer in the art of peopling. So I've turned to you lovely people on reddit for help on how I should approach and comfort this distressed friend.

We will call him Jeremy. So Jeremy has one of those creepy uncles with the wandering hands, we will call this uncle.... Joe Biden. So Jeremy broke down into a fit of hysterics yesterday night on a discord call with me, explaining how his uncle Joe has been molesting his own two daughters for years and how he knew about this but can't do anything because it would all be considered hearsay if he were to take this case to court due how far away they live from each other and other reasons he wasn't clear on. He's explained to me that he's made several anonymous calls over the years to have Joe investigated but to no avail. Child services can't get anything on Joe because he is just that good at fooling people apparently.

Joe has even trapped his wife in all this, who we will call Dirty Doormat. Dirty Doormat has been cheating on Joe all throughout there marriage with an ex con in prison, btw. even before she knew about the abuse going on in the house. In fact, Dirty Doormat planned on leaving Joe for Ex Con and report Joe to the police at some point from what Jeremy told me.

But Dirty Doormat can no longer do that because Jeremy thinks that Joe will drag Dirty Doormat down with him if she goes to the cops for not reporting any of what's been going on earlier or something like that. He says he tries very hard to push all of this from his mind, but can no longer do that.

I asked why he's so shaken up about it if he's never had problems burying whatever he was feeling before. His response was that its because his cousin is now suicidal and can't go anywhere now without a support dog... Or keeping her pills that I assume are helping her deal with the mental trauma she's undergoing on her person at all times.

We will call her 'Abused child 1' because that is what Jeremy has her labeled as on his phone in his contacts as he's shown me. He told me never contacts abused child, even when he was told to because he knows he can't do jack about the situation and that if he talked to her he would break down into tears. That his chest burns with pain each time he even thinks about it or see's her contact number, knowing that he will never be able to make a difference in her life. I have no idea what to tell this friend.

Its really bad. He theorizes that Abused child's younger sister, who we will call Abused child 2 is being horrible to Abused child 1 because abused child 2 was molested by not only Joe but Abused child 1 at some point. I had no words for him and said. ""Wow, I will have to get back to you on this.""

How does someone respond to something this messed up?

​

edit: somebody by the name  

[XCEREALXKILLERX](https://www.reddit.com/user/XCEREALXKILLERX)

pointed me here, he said you guys might be able to help  a lot. Does this mean Jeremy is suicidal? x-x I'm so confused and at a loss of what to do with him.",7.293502974754784,6.53453583502171,6.83794621321756,80.22528722463419,64.0217076700434,9.530165621482553,33.232071072519695,8.515128840125781,2.4436019938896925,2806,97,551,32,36,875,295,691,0.203,0.732,0.064,-0.9989,1,1,2,0,8,0,70.0,5,3,2,2,32,29,4,2,24,1,57,9,4,9,10,109,94,43,2,12,21,6,5,1,3,13,4,3,0,10,40,31,0,1,17,2,0,8,17,16,0,2,19,9,54,13,100,57,16,69,0,2,1,1,115,43,1,21,18,355,94,5,0.11070686384733416,0.5246781229549924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054090733039261166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605848963146933,0.0599754203628737,0.06726047852230096,0.037642231858154455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110231611023112,0.0,0.10349597336915584,0.0,0.05200637141583996,0.04256337238585755,0.04621780354186593,0.2699435066294987,0.0,0.09420338718827426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956543001513889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476820802744164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706695775226135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783255498280643,0.0,0.0,0.09688032259319246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462416789397292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414627791217692,0.0,0.0,0.055976716730283586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829777258230132,0.0,0.057839767102931226,0.0,0.12583452393023706,0.046427832471782365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480860025860028,0.0,0.0,0.04958580248154002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130671585449872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387042854588036,0.0,0.062487286998929525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049200673630322114,0.0,0.0,0.06084159713588365,0.0,0.0,0.058611292002544224,0.0,0.0,0.07819553192629776,0.02704289082805856,0.0,0.04887809451048237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411901672808816,0.04995863345338095,0.05237675567616578,0.0369488456354909,0.0,0.0,0.060296114779495535,0.0,0.0,0.05578324011292319,0.05872124384069821,0.05589118675322264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104386839060999,0.12807593739110196,0.0,0.0,0.051945446116047365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037508918029554736,0.04209877929912097,0.058899954273912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918755002440416,0.04833248167434572,0.0,0.0,0.15698065493466912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593151741335642,0.0,0.0,0.06200851198252181,0.0,0.0,0.06300432393760838,0.03546082589593206,0.05691254711859814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530757913554543,0.04401927078977592,0.0,0.0,0.04410951861017229,0.0,0.0,0.06253362234575915,0.0,0.0,0.06221957670008465,0.0,0.16927755907237346,0.04690078324024709,0.0852275524376874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109534059788822,0.06281441857913181,0.0,0.0,0.041618891986997565,0.08898198365901687,0.048381339302557586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093648820613216,0.0,0.0,0.09683109388559458,0.0,0.0,0.15867772896682722,0.0,0.03758134678147052,0.060208638794837864,0.05407225982118595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045672378417381865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04994786263553567,0.0,0.0,0.05335873308259049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864297974204949,0.0,0.06726047852230096,0.07129159065057608
suicidewatch,girlwthetriforcetat,2019/04/08,"Fiance mentioned suicide Im sorry if this is not the right place to post, please direct me to a better sub or delete if im in the wrong place. 

Two days ago my fiance mentioned suicide and how he didn't want to live on this planet anymore. Some backstory to this first though. The night before this happened I had found a bunch of drugs in his pocket and confronted him about it. He has problems with alcohol and occasionally cocaine and I found a lot in his pocket. More than I had ever see him with before. He was doing it probably once a week for awhile and this seemed like months worth. I have always been open about not wanting it around and he knows. Anyways I found it and confronted him and basically said I know I can't make him stop but I need to focus on my happiness as I haven't been happy and basically I might need to leave if this is the case. He immediately flushed the $300 dollars worth down the toliet and said he wanted another chance and I agreed.

Anyways the next day we were having a bbq at out house as this was already planned before our fight. We were drinking with friends and he got pretty drunk as his brother and girlfriend were all drinking heavily as well. Later that night my fiance and his brother start talking about their dad. My fiance is not close with his dad even though they all work together at the same construction company. His dad always nit picks him, makes comments on his appearance, his finances, decisions, everything. Ive never heard his dad say he loves him or even say anything nice to him. The only time they talk is about work. The dad treats his brother differently though even though he has made bigger mistakes in the past but somehow my fiance is always the black sheep. Anyways the brother goes on and on about how my fiance should be nicer or try harder even though the dad is an ass. My fiance goes on about how their relationship is different than the brothers and he no longer wants to try to have a relationship with dad because nothings good enough. Anyway they keep going at it and we leave.

When we get home my fiance is in tears. Telling me to leave because between this fight about his dad and our fight last night anout his drug use he can't take it. He then says he hasn't been happy in as long as he can remember and he uses drugs and alcohol to forget his pain and to push it back down. He talks about just wanting a relationship with his dad but he also doesnt and says he will happy when the dad dies. Then he says he is upset that I appear to have given up on him when every one else in his life has to. He says he doesn't want me to leave but he also does want me to so he can end it and if we broke up he would kill himself. Ive never seen him so broken and hurt and he only told me this because he was drunk. I just sat with him until we feel asleep and assured him I wasnt giving up. The next day I aksed if he wanted to talk about it and he said no because he said everything he needed to. 

I still feel worried and scared. He doesnt want to talk to anyone or seek help. He doesnt want to stop drinking or really do anything different in his life besides stopping the drugs. Should I be worried? I have thought about bringing it up again just to let him know im here and I want to take this seriously but Im not sure the right approach here or how to support him/what to say.",4.0904203539822985,5.146946246312687,4.642643805309736,86.93529314159296,71.05014749262538,7.360914454277286,25.7769174041298,7.569512494915309,1.1729536873156343,2657,79,550,29,48,846,272,678,0.16,0.759,0.081,-0.9941,3,0,10,0,3,2,42.0,8,0,5,5,47,30,6,2,27,0,52,17,2,10,7,129,105,70,4,24,23,15,2,1,2,5,9,12,1,0,22,46,7,4,12,5,4,6,18,15,1,3,28,17,76,15,80,69,8,74,0,2,3,2,123,33,1,18,35,356,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409687395514589,0.10632680256833547,0.0,0.0,0.05489600584680908,0.07956380027675382,0.12417810203129495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216307338859441,0.0,0.0,0.04933471682626357,0.03478359649739988,0.0,0.08187352498777302,0.044284533419194465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825164366162628,0.0,0.12129892728838805,0.0,0.1269906798894083,0.0,0.0,0.043996340785307717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624626524586956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162854851129807,0.15592211057825586,0.0,0.0,0.043533105695467984,0.0,0.0,0.1461965785213439,0.23075850987025076,0.0,0.04155644351333354,0.0,0.04406023702336896,0.05140097009606912,0.0,0.13142719379865636,0.04499815241879695,0.04191319468386467,0.0,0.08941708852168666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030619759880809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231396676594401,0.0,0.16363193642673127,0.03843367669044003,0.0,0.02599025919088018,0.047720946379707946,0.02827182798201596,0.04172462857483514,0.03978646249950271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043990269856034346,0.21182239125201946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03334373032768161,0.0,0.04989934661098276,0.0,0.0,0.05740026544663927,0.05325417797569849,0.0,0.21493709226681632,0.0,0.0,0.04421657707377494,0.05503663649923166,0.0,0.08201738829625707,0.040549672230151115,0.0,0.21069554695095405,0.0,0.05086870898592692,0.0702742159634398,0.02430340843666014,0.0,0.04392667566669351,0.04402369096460418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229231482209461,0.04489775451428972,0.047070917598213,0.06641175253429148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277270030201344,0.0,0.0,0.03970682442749405,0.0,0.0,0.11065820259303227,0.0767344447286796,0.0,0.10581098218634104,0.14004990088629368,0.0,0.04773267894447231,0.0,0.0,0.05297792227960605,0.03370921255000011,0.07566822899937747,0.05293330712019356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047488235907135315,0.0,0.0,0.10394807371883724,0.05460622708543509,0.0,0.0,0.04764296712842672,0.05060961932817794,0.05363465826398445,0.04760025380387197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031868594993400085,0.0,0.0,0.16022593003918556,0.05635257996554735,0.08496571389820658,0.18927955028769444,0.2769204027494385,0.049804476729983616,0.0,0.0396411631265103,0.04528693778169378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568663290209309,0.03521051193630995,0.0,0.039727261713076736,0.12476978188301005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882821444789427,0.05645123075584928,0.04688506567472596,0.0,0.07480568087726583,0.1999199628951576,0.043480242451102984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443762195845644,0.03949280892442608,0.02900732320659149,0.0,0.0,0.04753448489662716,0.0,0.06754860833755115,0.0,0.04859466481904344,0.0,0.0,0.08592923433543917,0.0,0.0,0.32275661644982284,0.0,0.039903282606527306,0.0,0.04472767537602367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243143725212221,0.10103906190349364,0.0,0.0353381683470752,0.05438949904263109,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryba15,2019/04/08,"Usually I’m sad, now I’m just angry. I’ve spent years contemplating this night, how I’d do it, when and where. Never thought I’d end up like this though. I’ve finally pushed everyone away, made every last person in my life hate me and toss me aside. I’ve had a general dislike of people for years but now that I’ve been isolated a while I simply can’t stand them. To hear opinions and stories and have to feign interest in everything they say. It’s exhausting. Couple that with the fact my life is going nowhere and my lack of interest in doing anything, it’s slowly made life intolerable. My only savior my entire life has been drugs. One plant has provided me more entertainment and pleasure than all of humanity combined. Unfortunately my supply has come to an end and as I don’t wish to live another moment of sober agony, I’ll finish myself off when I finish my stash off. If you know me, fuck you. And for those that’ll act heartbroken just knock the shit off and throw me in a hole. You didn’t care enough when I was alive so don’t start now. I’m Glad I got the chance to burn out rather than fade away. It really is better this way.✌🏻",2.2000897385875966,4.294065944206011,3.7842313694888814,86.79509851736248,78.39914163090128,7.3264923917284435,21.320522824814674,8.296473431620573,1.115757081545064,907,25,190,18,22,301,143,233,0.121,0.6920000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.965,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,2,1,14,13,3,0,7,0,17,8,1,3,3,29,34,19,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,2,11,12,0,0,2,1,1,5,5,5,0,1,10,2,23,8,26,23,4,39,0,1,0,1,9,12,2,2,22,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503188775349658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179678992868162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693710828617483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678471824743645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615867435893365,0.0,0.0,0.1234865387350242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586181675811997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624480658439258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539376974181709,0.14812271645671246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207816942044028,0.13698062536756364,0.1288370824979375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703699618782585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252820670266274,0.0,0.0,0.0814712242213762,0.0,0.11465306768753285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153212259355252,0.0,0.0,0.16157006415998795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787834569945574,0.1168524172001694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40501989538000616,0.070035387854876,0.0,0.1265839635419877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27128951721051603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056322845430794,0.0,0.0,0.13452775774464484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714019255260256,0.10902696591045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938342143138804,0.12517094128632775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918360655695524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400063412052372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715053634497752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146650279342843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408443047461314,0.1138068430898982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788387273748086,0.0,0.0,0.11378751254501493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648497064298569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846301948171787
suicidewatch,throwen_up,2019/04/08,"The Boy The boy used to have friends.  
The boy used to claim connection.  
The boy used to have dreams.  
The boy used to seek perfection.  


The boy used to have a mother.  
The boy used to have a dog.  
The boy bereft of all these things,  
Stares blankly into the fog.",-0.2457692307692305,2.0359701923076976,0.10653846153846304,105.87596153846157,97.07692307692308,4.138461538461539,14.192307692307693,5.985473137389443,-1.0647384615384614,198,4,48,2,8,58,23,52,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,0,4,0,0,6,2,9,10,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,10,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,0,26,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628918576654756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579387364514855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9812111778211196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FUDDCAMP,2019/04/08,"End of the rope I'm on the edge of losing my academic scholarship in college. I'm only a sophomore and there's no way me or my parents could pay for me to go without it. I went down to a fucking 2.99 last semester. I have to hold above a 3.0 to keep my academic scholarship. This semester looks like a low D in managerial accounting. This will keep me below a 3.0

I'll either have to join the military and whore my morals out for the GI bill or just drop out and probably kill myself. I'm leaning towards the latter. I've devolved into just day drinking and pill popping this last week, which I've never really done before. I guess it started when I realized my grade won't be going up after this point. 

We'll see what happens. Maybe there's a .001% everything works out ok. If not i'll be a pancake on a college campus sidewalk in Indiana. 

It's kind of funny to think about honestly. Causes of death range from disease to trauma to genetic defects and I die from accounting.",3.255437817258884,4.9275617106599015,5.0250729695431495,80.96522366751272,74.0253807106599,8.376776649746194,29.063769035533,9.017664075816787,2.5694368020304568,775,33,148,17,16,264,123,197,0.163,0.774,0.062,-0.9647,1,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,2,6,11,2,0,13,1,9,4,0,1,1,26,24,9,3,2,8,1,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,9,1,3,2,1,6,3,5,7,0,0,2,3,15,4,32,16,1,29,1,2,2,2,2,15,1,4,10,94,24,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814171306828522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788431483600153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390004011132988,0.0,0.0,0.11227663811521084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806827467894518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815925760565246,0.0,0.17054646534481888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419617399924548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646503368653106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609476862104482,0.0,0.0,0.1978839879812494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917848698146206,0.0,0.15395131218647676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094866243457864,0.19260992112837835,0.18129277361143947,0.0,0.28382072985655776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505384558159225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619564788694314,0.19476736666879305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490146237141446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427251633761464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240681613689848,0.0,0.0,0.1933114912299217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457570394381674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770346363949386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152948215207001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873088525932942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322507984362675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155281349811877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818821909249107,0.13964821625162196,0.0,0.0,0.16138747230506872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678210170980402,0.0,0.12674296889982645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MuFugginFudge17,2019/04/08,Every time my girlfriend hurts my feelings I take pills. I went and bought some Tylenol and Advil the other day. Every time my girlfriend hurts me or makes me feel useless I take 8 pills. I hope it slowly destroys my liver and I can finally be out of this world.,2.519423076923076,4.760595173076926,2.9890769230769263,92.15592307692309,78.03846153846155,4.929230769230768,23.861538461538462,5.6839178017228535,0.4036876923076931,207,7,41,1,5,64,36,52,0.223,0.726,0.051,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,1,0,10,10,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,2,11,1,2,7,1,7,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,24,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613559771070861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216025088112026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530136306285251,0.0,0.0,0.2740779221763442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485014745143191,0.0,0.0,0.5356808329353181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700803705249978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762331047426309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917830609200593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319345655852804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Inevercommentonce,2019/04/08,"I'm so close It's been a long time coming but it's all coming to a head, and everyone knows it

It's not even a secret anymore, I tell them I'm ready to die and they treat me like it's out of laziness

Every moment is torture. I can't deal with the verbal tics any more, the hitting myself where it doesn't show, the sleep paralysis, the stress hives, the panic attacks, the random shaking, the breakdowns in public

The only reason I'm still alive is because I've been successfully guilted into it

I won't be forgotten immediately, but I'll never be thought of fondly again. And I think that's what's stopped me from doing it before, what everyone would think of me

Maybe someday I'll have the courage to take ownership of my life into my own hands and do what I've always wanted to do and stop existing, with any luck that'll be today. 

Therapists, pyschiatrists, hospitals, been there, done it all over and over again in the last 7 years or so, it doesn't get better.. no one can help, and even support is meaningless to me now, give it to someone who might actually benefit from it",4.9148427260812575,5.467866133027524,5.855334207077327,80.81715596330277,68.86238532110092,8.797378768020971,28.87418086500655,8.841846274778883,2.1465703800786367,859,29,170,14,14,284,130,218,0.135,0.6829999999999999,0.182,0.8905,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,10,15,2,4,13,0,22,4,3,1,3,35,37,12,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,18,15,0,2,6,1,0,3,7,6,0,1,5,1,13,9,21,24,4,25,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,4,14,114,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.1430988851523214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201571397310995,0.0,0.0,0.1994396182968165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542686509334896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668234680954442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939000702516219,0.0,0.12477931471952958,0.0,0.0,0.12969061803917795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526336888142747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117876530753574,0.0,0.0,0.1521885285317165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500630012610045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937078594112828,0.0,0.12355000496682275,0.2802404297439313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661302547663906,0.14066985842298854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049431276767902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828928762577463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058917013126493,0.11953066911806826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357573309324736,0.07164059565748222,0.0,0.0,0.12977123978164848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473189702355405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556121249178936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309733246132722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936664120674894,0.11152585885206673,0.0,0.1720497211267208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076970882604435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467452845467039,0.0,0.12424707363931548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710640095536427,0.24519418109463456,0.1679749181706668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640463445640016,0.0,0.0,0.1102545667735838,0.0,0.12816928442967113,0.0,0.0,0.17025962628464542,0.0,0.18792119160812767,0.0,0.11641529059213002,0.08550660366694235,0.0,0.13899698931116886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649170758803773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416841063371272,0.0,0.0,0.09443095510849506
suicidewatch,mellymel1713,2019/04/08,"I hate life but I will continue on... I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting and I am tired of being alone. I'm a stay at home mom of two boys, a 7 year old and a 4 year old. I have no one I feel I can turn too and I have no family that checks on me. My husband loves me but hardly helps. He works very hard and I guess I'm too lazy compared to him. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense but I'm so numb that I cant think. I wont hurt or kill myself I can promise that. I can not bare the idea of my children thinking I didnt love them because I left them.",-1.8304362050163547,-0.3357944961832047,1.2104307524536535,103.05047709923666,89.38167938931299,4.353544165757906,15.46401308615049,5.288315135182226,-1.1685009814612863,415,8,118,2,14,146,80,131,0.305,0.583,0.112,-0.9774,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,1,3,8,2,0,4,0,12,7,0,1,0,16,27,10,1,1,6,2,3,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,7,5,0,2,1,3,22,3,8,23,0,10,0,2,0,2,11,4,0,3,5,67,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785029822833173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702163499526545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345759544540749,0.0,0.07218081253159209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725984495779655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557594458706268,0.14094021747521002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568513076978696,0.0,0.14319410152603615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056426460726188,0.16115211509135874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793637091007418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551028554082667,0.0,0.10083151282302133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576824770204593,0.0,0.09528953664519764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719199307656132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995930369878906,0.0,0.09673394006295548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980163883890133,0.0,0.1521569825755268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182942253706218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492224856870357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552755761140018,0.1394501098775962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778716498509685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392675740241357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385804814608905
suicidewatch,trashaccount200000,2019/04/08,"My ex attempted suicide and I can't handle the guilt Here's the short version: I broke up with my ex a few months ago and shortly afterward she tried to commit suicide by overdosing on my medication (I made a post on the offmychest subreddit with a lot more detail). I feel horrifically guilty and responsible for this. I suffer from really bad depression already and the guilt that I hurt someone i care about so badly that they would try to kill themselves (with my medication!) is overwhelming.

I'm seeing a therapist and I've talked to her a lot about this, and everyone I know has tried to convince me that it's not my fault, but even though this happened five months ago I still feel so guilty and awful about it that I want to throw up. I've spent a long time struggling with suicidal ideation and feeling like I'm a burden and that my presence is toxic, and this feels like proof that I was right. 

It's hard for me to talk to old friends or meet new people because I can't stop thinking that I almost killed someone and that if I were to let myself get close to someone again it would just be a repeat of what happened five months ago. I guess I just don't know what to do.",7.163502824858752,6.1145035423728835,7.080000000000003,79.3309604519774,64.42372881355932,10.239548022598873,33.64971751412429,9.2995712137729,2.7282666666666664,940,33,191,14,12,300,130,236,0.219,0.675,0.106,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,4,16.0,0,0,1,1,12,19,2,4,12,1,13,2,0,1,2,40,31,17,5,4,6,2,5,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,18,16,0,1,7,0,1,1,4,14,0,2,4,6,28,5,26,23,5,25,0,5,1,0,9,8,0,6,17,127,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28288793917602983,0.0,0.1065202817088612,0.0,0.11738865343603265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763917290951822,0.06484587320138692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845750680101073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162156491040964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026039994582572,0.0,0.0,0.10164690650467137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151477764007242,0.15199019072461403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218589829425342,0.0,0.05557711315801017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718524900569682,0.0,0.1881360387893406,0.0,0.0952920764927364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387779759159745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353787510997487,0.0,0.11692302711791898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877675265757923,0.0,0.10393996234431988,0.0,0.0,0.09413948650545248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808742844247212,0.0,0.1006556223465912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432542574433733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547251250722149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273868438993457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162380533066377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374778235420994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018788830012533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814724305467808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084459414565434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476796605284614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703963312338877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495207775612715,0.08893516907602977,0.0,0.11120737927856372,0.0,0.34907450968844983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100213304941786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351083196874388,0.0,0.06816149907810165,0.1045139620134594,0.0,0.06202874978751272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666713411766397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274337020296428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113303538822456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,spid3rsting,2019/04/08,"I really give up on my life I'm just I don't know, I'm really sick tired of having nobody to talk with about my struggles especially suicidal thoughts, I always have to pretend to be fine, even my own family doesn't give a shit about me or just ask how am I doing despite the so obvious signs. I've always wished to have a friend that could at least, at least text me once each month, my social media accounts are dead because nobody likes talking to me at all and I'm sure nobody's gonna care here either, I don't know... My country is also shit and people there are toxic as hell, I have to devote my entire life to coping which is the worst nightmare I could imagine.
I just really need someone to talk with, not out of pity.",4.831935246504784,4.7479980066225185,5.957306843267109,82.23469462840326,68.93377483443709,8.5654157468727,26.049300956585725,8.167268648758528,1.4744166298749084,573,14,118,7,9,192,95,151,0.171,0.6890000000000001,0.14,-0.8413,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,3,1,4,0,16,6,2,1,3,25,29,7,2,4,6,0,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,17,6,21,24,7,7,1,1,0,0,8,6,3,1,2,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233643069173959,0.2567188501659034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421536340380345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403747711085396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728171755241618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24633338833919385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018894561136655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542571209257235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918344449890958,0.0,0.0,0.29596683190583634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955815294808765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792146469469406,0.07536525724236796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313149594036413,0.0,0.0,0.11438428380854755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642853820761191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694675008188384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964750642968454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31669812546685394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572520096065663,0.1307067952255429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126949745881936,0.0,0.1687390144980888,0.0,0.14539133655306438,0.0,0.0,0.3719729963987416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246783045144273,0.0,0.17730297266060294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739518423399478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RaptorBoy2000,2019/04/08,"Sometimes life just tells me to do it and end it all before it even begins. Not a throwaway because I don’t really care. Being a teenage guy about to embark on the journey of the rest of my life makes me want to end it before it begins. I’ve always been very cold and distant, nobody ever likes me. I’m too short, moody, creepy, nice, dumb, smart, shy, fat, skinny, buff, no matter what there is always something wrong.

Life has been shit for me. My dad died when I was 15, my mom is only part time working and miserable after my dad died. My little brother is better than me in every way possible, and I have aspergers, anxiety, depression and a form of PTSD. Most my family has died of cancer and my friends abandoned me.

Slightly suicidal, always thinking about it, always in the back telling me it wouldn’t be that bad. Would be nice to not worry about life anymore. Only thing holding me back is the pain that my family might feel. The moment I know they won’t, is the time I will do it.",4.556567746973837,5.228894629441626,5.3545177664974615,83.66399843811014,69.71065989847716,7.888949629051153,26.321358844201484,7.882392219407189,1.468113939867239,770,22,152,9,13,251,118,197,0.23,0.6629999999999999,0.106,-0.9853,0,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,2,11,16,2,1,9,0,22,9,3,1,2,23,31,7,4,3,3,4,1,1,1,5,7,0,0,1,12,6,2,2,3,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,3,2,22,7,17,20,5,19,0,3,0,0,9,5,2,2,13,104,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821119478365959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782645783810533,0.0,0.11385693874814333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765578209249625,0.0958584132774358,0.06998481709708165,0.0,0.1953833053327164,0.0,0.0,0.1015367878886558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705261108446112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888244456959938,0.0,0.3574522484566337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336850115770025,0.0,0.0,0.07582843744127805,0.10384881505996893,0.09672920707470914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164582074020107,0.0,0.05804948347864355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869901469627615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367622543956507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309450596703246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243641645172546,0.05608852880393627,0.1150660111655518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663405535580484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179127584779804,0.0,0.13445967840292006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463063474555468,0.12216193168280495,0.0,0.0,0.124323967977118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942678340048436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420234854127788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354781585006102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178469535058814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838345094434938,0.11354630497843378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557939057498935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069142461862546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627216317246077,0.07356320164321291,0.0,0.0,0.13388888126027648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472716983902076,0.06771569370454589,0.09112784794073203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358030860597371,0.11659130752516787,0.0,0.08155505752943923,0.12552259867725393,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suicidal-fuck,2019/04/08,"Hey, can somebody please talk to me right now, I have a lot on my chest. I’d actually prefer to have a more private conversation.",3.366538461538461,4.764211038461539,5.364615384615386,79.75538461538463,73.23076923076924,8.276923076923078,28.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.141292307692308,101,4,21,2,2,35,22,26,0.0,0.901,0.099,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.4730614362651472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121304987856087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321272127143875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413987295278638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896363411261536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whutttttt,2019/04/08,"Yeet Lol, I wanna die. Fuck this, YEET ME OUT THE WINDOW.",-1.9450000000000005,-0.15253883333333107,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.0,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.5968,42,0,10,0,2,14,11,12,0.407,0.44,0.154,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7467095469341563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6651502480773701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,vindolf,2019/04/08,"I may kill myself in the next month or two My life isn't that bad when I think about it, I'm maybe just weak or some shit. I'm finishing high school in about two months and I can't wait to do so. My high school years are easily the worst of my life and the sheer boredom of wasting my time 7h a day in a shitty school is killing me. If I graduate, everything's going to be fine I guess, but if I don't, I'll use some painkillers and find a calm and quiet spot to die. Somewhere close to a body of water so I'll drown when I pass out in case the pills don't do the job. I'm sick and tired of doing everything for everyone else except myself, my family and my girlfriend will surely be saddened and my cat won't understand what happened, but for once, I'll be doing something for myself. This isn't a cry out for help, more of a way to get a load of my chest without worrying people I know. Thanks guys, have a nice one.",2.6236755204594435,3.273323618090455,4.006837760229722,91.65272613065329,74.12562814070354,7.494759511844939,22.75699928212491,7.7094869923839395,0.6912768126346012,716,17,170,9,14,237,114,199,0.192,0.675,0.132,-0.9332,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,11,3,0,13,0,18,10,3,1,1,30,31,17,4,2,9,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,1,4,10,1,1,4,0,0,2,7,6,0,3,0,1,20,5,25,25,4,21,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,8,9,105,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968440328875367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459170544125989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429843590370786,0.08471964658558354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633627359244066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097387165769886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552501909915414,0.2361250315194199,0.0,0.12383936111652445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006535645353535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863286282415758,0.0,0.07465783536159376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447135099866834,0.13007214003605366,0.11616575788848962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805128309103154,0.2775889619533682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035962971064222,0.0,0.29067212415336197,0.0,0.07219484447090972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557416410785124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197393801730278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970880006239884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397083148026618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989958491067847,0.08901641741481141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107204642875223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988455993879354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484442661573615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113130132223606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381008813041045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094336981063986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417347627999366,0.0,0.0,0.07660006850691874,0.15098490179214416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566493038808649,0.13675574172812216,0.0,0.11345730162626674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042715321756768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663130546881746,0.0,0.0,0.13340767447862453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845948420388611
suicidewatch,thr0wawyh3lp,2019/04/08,"I don't know who I am anymore. I feel hollow. My boyfriend of 6 years took everything and left while I was at work 3 weeks ago. It got easier, then he came back. Not to see me. Not to talk to me. Just to get his TV and leave again. He never told me why. He won't speak to me. His family won't speak to me.

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep going when I lost my best friend. It feels like he died and told me he hated me on his deathbed. I don't know what I did. I don't know why this is happening. I feel like half a person. I feel like I've lost everything. I don't want to feel like this. I want to go away. I don't want to start over again and do this all alone. Every plan and every dream had him in it. Every love song was about him. 

He doesn't love me anymore. I love him more than anything in the world. I was a burden to him--something he couldn't wait to get rid of. And now I'm a burden on everyone else. My friends are sick of hearing me cry. My mother's having anxiety attacks because of me. 

I'll never see him again. He'll find someone else who makes him happy. I didn't make him happy. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here without him.",-1.5254523090685446,0.31876913284133224,1.1108822542770866,101.72478922061948,91.9889298892989,4.318058816951806,14.854187632785418,5.760197766056111,-1.0245163591635915,909,18,239,7,33,310,123,271,0.139,0.698,0.163,0.9299,0,1,1,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,5,12,18,2,0,4,0,27,4,0,4,3,37,69,11,1,6,4,1,5,4,2,3,1,4,0,1,10,7,0,2,11,3,0,4,19,6,0,1,13,11,44,12,29,50,3,27,0,2,2,3,33,9,0,0,18,141,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327740257423323,0.0,0.0,0.09729965554612653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186838276265753,0.0,0.1863382460264901,0.0,0.0,0.0773094993934674,0.0,0.0,0.10687706298629034,0.08826529798791345,0.07223862470558726,0.0,0.05726856970571576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985904622699491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744912160265772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319519770351164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750104787636472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569595468165567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374605050514989,0.08976936639367576,0.16886509654654075,0.0,0.08856386608670046,0.0,0.23750943625143234,0.268459977555254,0.0,0.0,0.0858648821726196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516479192667114,0.0,0.0981657466172846,0.0,0.10678327913958936,0.0,0.07513714595610409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307607963041629,0.2000143884175792,0.0,0.0927521606466822,0.0,0.0,0.1058838959809724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350346315189691,0.0,0.0,0.2581511435550621,0.0,0.0,0.09947517992930943,0.10207253273266056,0.0,0.0,0.1835889528463576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510617043067392,0.0,0.25436962138192226,0.0,0.12541928158182178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491379256226825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202996635489435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972549317464776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960008544849341,0.07232417017275093,0.0,0.0,0.06649541598680038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755101835544194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953873278735152,0.1043773899654053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27705873116094737,0.0,0.07535776193653271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954318708888597,0.0,0.0,0.09056052840398532,0.0,0.06839375921761233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604981016892179
suicidewatch,MarkBryasia,2019/04/08,"If you’re reading this, it’s too late for me I’m already dead. Add another ugly guy to the tally. 

Fuck this world",-1.537399999999998,0.3975007599999998,1.4794999999999978,95.58725,101.4,4.1000000000000005,18.25,5.985473137389443,-0.11560000000000015,89,3,20,1,4,31,24,25,0.369,0.631,0.0,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,9,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43534321829971817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136701731773636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364711120230548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906194085302057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450159007127967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946091669947919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cars_go_VroomVroom,2019/04/08,"How to go through this week? One year ago I tried to kms during a special event at my school, it was during a small party with a few people and I made it look like it was just some dumb drunk things, so my ""friends"" have been joking about it for a year not knowing I was serious. Now this week the same event is being held at my school and everything reminds me of it, and all my ""friends"" just joke even more about it. Now I've never been so depressed in months and I'm so anxious just thinking about it. I don't want to go through this week and act like it's fine. I'm too afraid it will trigger me and I'm nearly having panic attacks just thinking about last year. Another friend, nearly the only one I trust and who knows about it told me I can just tell him if I'm not feeling well and hell help me but idk, I'm too much of a burden for him already. Idk what to do I can't skip the week but I don't want to be triggeeed. There will be parties again and I don't know what I'll do if I drink, sorry I just needed to let that out",2.837600000000002,3.158980226666672,3.790666666666666,94.60200000000002,73.4,6.533333333333332,23.88888888888889,5.6839178017228535,0.20988888888888896,801,20,195,3,15,258,118,225,0.13,0.769,0.101,-0.649,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,23,19,3,2,8,0,21,2,0,3,2,40,41,17,0,5,12,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,18,11,2,1,6,4,0,3,7,8,1,2,8,2,21,11,24,27,6,26,1,1,1,0,9,7,2,3,18,134,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191328106123464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830791576233696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092458230219204,0.0,0.15182777997702124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289339616710276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575397564425592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316556612672982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876644523630879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078530876357525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795400868168246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31149908251698405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275923332217534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008194808270062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157947061635305,0.1095496344503029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742770700433762,0.0,0.13131694357582746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285771685763828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271675338546959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727258352485383,0.0,0.09879558305846332,0.09965198217624056,0.10365349344948943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213868124508456,0.10221324082886082,0.0,0.15768324728519206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317237716682146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720292638244522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044388629253722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746690920937004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892858803868415,0.17222942026536212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284199145840924,0.0,0.09124519316709943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853897613327692,0.0,0.4312133521673012,0.0,0.12083699368627294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25963738066362585
suicidewatch,CastleCare,2019/04/08,"Do you want to talk to someone about anything? No judgment. Everything stays between you and that admin. All admins have some training and have talked to someone about their problems before. We are not professionals, but we are here for you. Contact us on Instagram. Send a message, you dont have to follow ( this is for your personal space) 

Instagram: CastleCare",4.188452380952384,7.508061873015876,3.9637896825396837,80.67044642857145,81.06349206349206,6.324603174603175,31.684523809523807,7.6454224807358475,2.7817000000000007,290,15,44,5,8,88,47,63,0.055,0.927,0.018000000000000002,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,10,10,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,10,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,15,2,0,1,0,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275773349896366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303402801811824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172508337432001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24328191534616006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363591735501077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590171768690658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587155462121265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885233157109111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351464561700293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256110204373171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596620738297689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fortyfivefortynine,2019/04/08,"Self-admittance to hospital I'm 14.
Is there any way I can admit myself to hospital without actually attempting suicide. It'd be safer for me there but I've read countless stories of people being turned away unless they'd attempted.
I don't trust myself at home and I need to be kept safe.
Help.",1.5222413793103442,4.245856310344827,3.716810344827589,81.32797413793107,89.34482758620689,7.037931034482759,24.49137931034483,8.07648339933343,2.2072000000000003,238,10,42,6,8,81,47,58,0.06,0.722,0.218,0.8147,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,13,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,9,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.29679152999964553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20682197975843994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28574449933809304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385503371306768,0.0,0.30507183466503324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255119767998529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084866050001194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042169362943787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31727875166736896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326739256103949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308111464015541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24140791548727444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931749332804996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justaburdeninlife,2019/04/08,"I am starting to lose the daily fight against my dark thoughts I'm just shy of being 18 years old and I already can't take it anymore. Everything is becoming too much and I can't handle it.

I've been through 3 years of heavy bullying and that crushed me completely. My self esteem and self worth are completely gone. I don't see the positive in life anymore. They took every positive part out of my body and destroyed it. Whenever compliments me or shares positive thoughts, I just brush it off as lies. 

During that time my parents also divorced and I found out how huge of a asshole my dad is. He declined us when he was asked if he wanted partial child care. He gives zero fucks about our lifes and only his is important and how much money he has. He earns shit tons of money and doesn't want to spend a cent too much on us. Me and my brother will see nothing of his money and his girlfriend is going to have everything for herself.

Those years burned a gaping hole into me and I can't keep it from spreading. It's ripping me apart from the inside and I don't know what to do. No medication or psychiatrist could help me out of this hole and I lost hope into every help there is. I can't accept help anyways since it's a waste of their time. when they use it on me. I block everybody off that wants something good for me, so they use their time with things that are more worth it.

Every day I am battling with myself if I even want to keep going and every time it ends in that I want to end it all, but I never do it. The daily suicide thoughts haunt me all the time. The voices telling me that I am not worth anything are there permanently and prevent me from being happy at all. My whole mind is in pieces and it's unable to function normally.

The only reason that is a simple one. I don't wanna pass on the pain to my mother and my brother. They shouldn't have to deal with shit like that and they would. I just want to end it all without anyone caring. Just let me disappear from this life please.

​

Thank you for listening.",3.592307271733187,4.899812053268764,4.377235023041475,87.40894868390222,72.53510895883778,7.169225962665,25.91337967663829,7.601502580125103,1.2550052175271422,1610,52,331,19,31,517,201,413,0.146,0.764,0.09,-0.9625,1,0,1,0,2,3,35.0,3,1,7,3,17,19,6,0,13,0,35,9,3,5,5,71,68,31,1,14,11,5,0,1,1,3,5,2,0,3,27,27,0,4,7,0,8,6,13,9,0,2,9,5,55,10,48,52,12,39,0,2,2,1,41,16,3,5,18,235,82,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045045074269464,0.06554740628960012,0.0,0.08880907767312825,0.0995964851146996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257457370036044,0.05731185599224632,0.0,0.06745023726956449,0.0,0.07662624023463346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052393791933593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104467259758037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713762513556668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718775527119631,0.0,0.0,0.06544240830929568,0.0,0.0,0.052860664690755885,0.08450234867760871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779006890126973,0.0,0.0,0.054137130450388385,0.0,0.2762362975405602,0.0,0.14732977082987728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987042668155615,0.0,0.07577535110014029,0.0,0.07862832720394435,0.09316523287429344,0.06874837984018331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725330044778773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481829913079005,0.0,0.0,0.08140977083694882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570857259752762,0.0,0.0,0.045045837887470984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381479828087525,0.1736829777895053,0.04004397430687563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169790470227633,0.08947451457802151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257114634490187,0.0,0.0,0.0827613164789569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076118809488395,0.0,0.06321648548136491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030832830599083,0.07864765858798466,0.0,0.08600851283531481,0.0,0.05554162679589626,0.1246762002866728,0.08721657276275767,0.0,0.09101246786788594,0.08876014196783777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899729912412679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427370391154315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306310365370948,0.0,0.17101480808092476,0.0,0.16827185447595125,0.06780232127956487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310068590210817,0.0,0.0,0.058015271355218036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965644128831317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061627503213479824,0.0,0.07164105051793146,0.07546238890021788,0.0,0.0,0.0544539250277768,0.0,0.0,0.19521323891638406,0.23897234583850285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106616617594274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718768225107866,0.14158294137654254,0.0,0.0,0.29007059625569603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151103082597824,0.0,0.079011365692818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582256068744566,0.0,0.0995964851146996,0.1583483793832765
suicidewatch,softrice666,2019/04/08,"I need a reason not to I’ve tried to keep it together and remain strong for so long now, everybody around me has been in hospitals recently. They aren’t doing well and I’m just trying to stay strong but I can’t. Please tell me to not give up.",0.20352564102563875,2.3824240961538483,2.313076923076924,93.91525641025645,86.88461538461539,6.543589743589743,16.358974358974358,7.793537801064563,0.29329743589743584,191,4,44,4,6,64,41,52,0.0,0.823,0.177,0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,8,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261094320186525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813548453977163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26069366075896105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595564360066837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174741830336008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219493271807408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015556324074475,0.28959297219686936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126129526060313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563523530180285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982554768386575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637070122266381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PhoenixRising519,2019/04/08,"Today was suppose to be the day I had made up my mind that today was going to be the end. I’m tired of my useless, complicated, and negative life. I’ve never really idealized killing myself until I became a certain age. My life has always seemed doomed and I honestly didn’t plan for a future that I thought would be nonexistent. After certain events happening made me self aware or woke to issues that I had and led to a build up of anxiety due to the fact that I maybe had these issues for a lifetime and now realizing it. That is extremely terrifying and depressing. I guess it’s the same feeling fish have when they realize the fish tank isn’t Kansas. Lol honestly idk if that’s funny but somehow it’s funny to me. Anyways I wanted to end my life because I see no means to an end. I’m a 23 F with no friends, serious trust issues, no job, money, car, and back living in what I think is a toxic situation. The sad part is knowing what can help the situation but having every obstacle in my path not allowing the solutions to pass. I was going to jump from an overpass but didn’t because I got this sudden urge to live. I came “home” feeling a little better but got instantly depressed again because I’m back to my loser non-productive “life”. My mother sat down with me to reassure me of things like I’m not a burden and we’re going to figure things out together but like I said I believe I’m in a toxic environment and just feel like what she was saying is lies. Btw she is a great gas-lighter. I never felt like she was genuine. So know this leads me to my current feeling of regretting that I didn’t do it. Why can’t I just end my suffering 🤦🏾‍♀️",2.9652999016715853,4.460166926253692,5.040000000000003,81.29111111111115,74.42772861356933,8.208062930186825,27.00983284169125,8.841846274778883,2.141840511307768,1304,49,259,27,27,452,182,339,0.156,0.674,0.17,0.7431,2,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,1,5,10,25,1,0,20,1,27,5,0,5,5,55,58,18,1,5,11,1,5,4,1,1,5,2,1,1,19,12,0,0,14,0,1,9,13,11,0,0,21,8,37,14,33,33,2,39,1,8,1,0,11,8,0,5,26,171,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251784291968853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586520016564982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251206475814075,0.0,0.18136034248632396,0.0,0.0,0.11173125104791846,0.0,0.08770829345696153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134246911458878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395680129789562,0.0,0.17083090072856488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513426916557962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835554665100417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005744415532667,0.07084746153588725,0.0952192810951111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661892179271422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690827287645337,0.0,0.15863149826706074,0.10933588271344356,0.10924754264631586,0.0,0.08769619084031746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647192999074847,0.0,0.0994761486466221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105248701560414,0.09841146972028968,0.0,0.10971752147557533,0.0,0.10900308272400587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801883723128888,0.19379888791831693,0.09939494526158617,0.17513882705671371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876751466281581,0.0,0.0,0.09963014802884863,0.1080258030137928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001339862856956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529728853897673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739204276413032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353119445505355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433390394354528,0.07886440266569562,0.0,0.0,0.07902608958871236,0.09028114515492597,0.10345651311250152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294370908589906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176901513692355,0.06354448482683794,0.0,0.07873034013183203,0.0,0.11398195993591015,0.1880041735086085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849336047140795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948599739400158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704479141740765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dickbutt____,2019/04/08,"I’m done My social anxiety and depression pushed me out of public school and into a home bound school. Im now an entire semester behind and I am only making Cs, Ds, and mostly Fs.
My derealization pushed me away from all of my friends and family.
I have all my family ridiculing me because I most likely will fail my first year at high school. All of my friends abandoned me because I was a “Lost cause” I’ve noticed now that the majority of the people I called friends were just using me... I’ve been suicidal since I was 12 I was also diagnosed with dpdr When I was was 12. I have nothing left to live for.. Because of my dpdr I don’t remember much from my childhood except for pain. The only thing I will miss from this shitty life is my one and only friend my toy poodle who can be a little shit but I love him anyways. However he is 9 years old and is going to pass away soon.
If I’m still alive after today then I certainly won’t be alive when I lose him.",1.8963707426018992,3.7422960603015087,4.079455611390287,85.5060734226689,78.3467336683417,7.035287548855388,22.110831937465104,7.984000788550335,1.1244436627582357,752,22,155,13,18,259,119,199,0.127,0.757,0.116,0.4057,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,11,16,2,0,7,0,21,5,1,3,4,26,29,13,1,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,3,0,1,0,4,10,0,2,1,1,0,4,2,9,0,2,9,0,31,7,21,15,7,26,0,6,0,1,12,8,1,3,15,111,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970794385812355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286674796594814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281089643954517,0.0,0.0,0.22200356922436945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395774128806583,0.0,0.0,0.1247059775416452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455722892786,0.12321324392840392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422910568025955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288805706933781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325841962033787,0.0,0.0,0.3751575206556097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899150564986946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826035167099953,0.12176895869012465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112729768415896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189588811027625,0.0,0.08574479108259073,0.05930740458436255,0.12166955745905095,0.10719389967873487,0.0,0.0,0.13580981478110793,0.1325168474887626,0.0,0.1095636152784131,0.0,0.08103202246246455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923920182794821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648165768325193,0.13820887107216825,0.12738350168073884,0.0,0.08226030978878889,0.2769788206751416,0.12917270717592635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415992206715787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751673013683044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685742868156324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246100958547048,0.10041909599356734,0.0,0.0,0.12374678859581725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694610488840902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278629129894198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064936157634055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506814823956373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484619636044623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634864027885498
suicidewatch,LeGrosChien,2019/04/08,"I am a World-Class Fuck-Up I'm not good at much, anything really. 24, nearly 25, no friends that I still keep in touch with, and no prospects to speak of. I'm in my 7th year of Uni and at risk of failing out completely, this was my last chance.

​

I've had every opportunity for success though. Middle class life in Canada, parents help me pay for school and are supportive for the most part, been able to travel a lot for my age. And I have a nice girlfriend. I was born with advantages  across the board... but I fuck things up at every turn. I work hard at summer and part time jobs, but never at school and never for myself.

 

I'm an out of shape, socially inept, academic failure with no talent and no drive. All the things that a future employer doesn't want in an employee. I have mental health issues and I just all around suck. I don't think anyone of sound mind would want to emulate me in any way.

​

I also have no desire to do anything with my life that would be considered a smart or profitable career. The only things I enjoy are eating, hiking, and writing stand up comedy (I'm too big of a pussy to get on stage).

​

The last few weeks I've just wanted to end this suffering. 7 years with depression and anxiety since I was a young kid is enough. 

​

Fuck I feel so suicidal right now.",2.642386363636362,4.694764829545459,3.6734848484848506,88.3177272727273,76.8409090909091,6.824242424242425,21.984848484848484,7.793537801064563,0.9481393939393944,1041,29,211,16,24,335,155,264,0.2,0.67,0.131,-0.9694,4,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,5,9,18,3,1,14,0,18,6,0,0,4,41,34,16,1,6,6,1,3,0,2,2,3,2,0,1,8,18,1,1,2,1,2,2,10,7,0,0,5,5,20,11,40,26,9,43,0,3,0,2,8,22,3,3,16,138,28,12,0.0852946688130721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821011583369868,0.0,0.3696669520929096,0.4145694342984719,0.05800329967171172,0.0,0.06525018818022514,0.0,0.0,0.05964001563393102,0.0,0.14038048971275385,0.07593033876354695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942983745152226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346417326519646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727774003318574,0.0,0.0,0.07554575976940334,0.08813219358607545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372887440782836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312754736993358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589844954240535,0.2365606406931081,0.044562944047200015,0.0,0.0,0.0715411214222528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640726967617391,0.0,0.0,0.09066424438976647,0.0,0.0,0.057171218570948035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902547399018487,0.08464179761366912,0.07581382069436028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905307842090267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049229409141428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251447725865269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595696464337041,0.0,0.08612330072432962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270139570798594,0.0,0.13156901367636212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648704391573207,0.0,0.0,0.0947096357734028,0.18473162883951816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054641948936472735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284118112421098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726455170077356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055663145296039,0.0,0.0,0.08694717344400094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811643269373473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329852379656006,0.09679137938151873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999796379434398,0.054653379727639485,0.08380157904415576,0.0,0.04973600730645912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927761066879006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092701672385098,0.0677029379637791,0.06841823842673518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209553475051916,0.0,0.0,0.12118177100240883,0.0,0.4145694342984719,0.10985394044010614
suicidewatch,Blixtwix,2019/04/08,"My long distance boyfriend of 3 years died. I don't know what to say, I'm still kind of in shock about the news and can't believe it. I wanted to marry and grow old with him, and he was trying so hard to get his life together so he could come see me. Cause of death unknown, but I suspect illness since he said he felt really sick before he disappeared two months ago. I just got the news of his death this morning after worrying this whole time and knowing something was wrong, but there was nothing I could do. I've already told his friends about his passing. 

I'm lost right now because he was my future and everything I wanted.

I have therapy in a couple hours and I'm going to tell my therapist that I'm at risk of suicide, to protect myself, but if that doesn't work (if I feel suicidal even after an overnight hospital stay) I don't know if I'll be able to keep myself alive. I'm going to trust my life in everyone else's hands because I definitely can't trust myself.

Unrelated but does anyone know if I can somehow get allowance to post on his Twitter account? I don't know his login for it...",4.282,4.962134533333334,5.259111111111113,84.07400000000003,70.33333333333334,8.133333333333333,29.666666666666664,8.238735603445708,1.9803333333333333,870,33,178,12,15,286,132,225,0.204,0.703,0.093,-0.9789,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,0,1,4,0,16,5,1,2,0,35,41,16,5,8,9,0,4,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,7,8,0,2,8,0,1,6,6,4,0,1,9,7,27,4,24,29,1,26,0,1,1,0,18,6,0,5,12,102,34,1,0.12516643330960978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109524910185348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812427161768792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751928043461085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260059198541273,0.0,0.10650741580305736,0.14101970821820256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285804056898403,0.0,0.10781979930280383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987042422469867,0.13849427775347312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299029965440741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953398927094896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045604940242557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267124872825019,0.0,0.0,0.119601890916992,0.11249151948046687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328790951186064,0.0,0.12017940469511765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670327588624214,0.0,0.13078859070049856,0.0,0.14226993702287755,0.0,0.10010703088898228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212453905239254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326372395198773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125367697579996,0.0,0.13034157916226288,0.3439409918097009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681750691554968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076835472104923,0.0,0.0,0.13663394768028375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990665291030144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201005685179447,0.0,0.1313411164980614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987484391274525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018482224783473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068914501486342,0.11906194090225873,0.09953737158057556,0.0,0.0,0.09974144199500903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035389670679419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635923544039543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341076398416782,0.09995807532512757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738235254130549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940097964646664,0.0,0.14313872485236667,0.1453278762744615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298555382462668,0.0,0.0,0.119601890916992,0.0,0.08497979207675874,0.0,0.12226941794939734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765281063294358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974385283915142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112265417442186,0.12711258874916628,0.0,0.0,0.1368498458681768,0.0,0.08060307930867472
suicidewatch,heyheyhey788,2019/04/08,"Am I lazy and undeserving of the life I've been given? I'm in my second year of college and I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for a long time. Even when I'm doing fine in life I'm not happy.

My hardest struggles in life have been school related and the reality of it all has been taking a tole on my mental health. I come from a well off family with decent caring parents, I have a nice amount of friends and I'm in a nice relationship. I don't have anyone I can talk to about my issues, though.

I've never done well in school due to laziness, (I graduated high school with a 2.1 gpa) but with slightly above average test scores I managed to get into a decent university but with no scholarships. I did okay my first year of college (I'm an engineering major) but last semester I failed 6 classes and this semester I have improved. My parents are very tough on me and always tell me I can do better and I'm really trying to but it's not enough. 

I was asked why I was performing so poorly and I said I was depressed but my parents said I had nothing to be depressed about and they're right. I'm assuming it's laziness.

As a result of the classes I failed last semester, I'm on academic probation and financial aid probation. If I don't get a certain gpa I'm going to lose my financial aid and my father already said he wouldn't pay if I did lose it just because it'd be a waste of money, which I can't argue with at all. Fast forward to now, I'm 100% sure I'm going to fail a class since I failed the midterm and stopped going altogether and another one of my classes is kicking my ass. Finals are coming up and I'm scared I'm not going to be able to return to school. 

Shit is difficult, don't even like my major but I don't know what to do and I'm not good at anything so that sucks.

And ass a result of all this, my future is being affected. I can't get any internships and will most likely not be able to get a good job when/if I graduate. This means I'll probably be living with my parents and struggling as an adult and this isn't the life I want to live.

I don't know what to do and suicide has been hanging over my head for a couple of years and it's gotten worse these past few months. I don't see myself doing anything or going anywhere in the future.

This turned into a full on rant about school, I apologize but this is what I'm dealing with at the moment.

I've done counseling and lied so I wouldn't be hospitalized and I recently asked for a psychiatrist as well but I'll have to wait until May. 

Sorry for typos, not checking for them.",2.755449637103915,4.086392321561341,4.671141795007966,84.38798017348205,74.66914498141264,7.726040007080898,25.82067622588069,8.344100000000001,1.6360274738891851,2031,70,424,35,42,696,232,538,0.215,0.728,0.057,-0.9983,5,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,1,9,15,34,3,3,25,1,55,9,4,3,6,75,99,44,2,5,18,5,0,2,1,4,5,3,0,1,18,36,0,2,5,0,5,9,19,17,3,3,19,4,49,17,65,68,10,53,0,9,1,2,21,22,4,6,26,276,67,26,0.14751648137005655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139405271077152,0.0,0.061372764899411424,0.0,0.0,0.05015813294366486,0.07734194645772921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515734768514883,0.0,0.12139349494875548,0.0,0.1379079968197888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496233892235433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652331699860557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520144210744154,0.0,0.0,0.12707238669837662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161209041382465,0.0,0.0,0.15208301486556802,0.1905835938690182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509605770699564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621197944818105,0.0,0.09743324468385184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953270500252771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807985473961264,0.0,0.06273872184727035,0.0,0.0,0.056985433788025994,0.0,0.15414254599523508,0.0,0.2095925397031259,0.12372982570114985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851701873812512,0.0,0.0,0.07569723419579183,0.0784015607573559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792963089215238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698444028263153,0.07319367279664807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107120027170918,0.12024562107908895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083905067446301,0.07206910145211988,0.0,0.13025975567698395,0.0652737219697741,0.0,0.16503320939851035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034434707519206,0.0,0.0,0.07433095848715598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887312402012688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568869022675989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077302120803647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998049276644767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275991903257339,0.0,0.07041058665275551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795238585124991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047251417670522766,0.0,0.07282736441600783,0.07918874724471366,0.0,0.06298913453683394,0.21048293207587584,0.0,0.07384486615483545,0.3732363866889215,0.058775768314353986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571177412878208,0.0610135788912837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256631177078272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061665191888075475,0.0,0.1542162555899592,0.0,0.16135908772506696,0.0,0.06951626895271562,0.0,0.0554570176688296,0.05928407995012555,0.06446795338477096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246709698199763,0.058555804228478524,0.04300902329149929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050077003807058235,0.08022778565331963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060858273153007625,0.043504521366150566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895254915333496,0.0,0.06655533985778757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075165948600834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249366622673934
suicidewatch,lapplefrog,2019/04/08,"Does anyone have experience with the suicide hotline? I don't think some cheerful comments in reddit can help me in anyway. So my question is, did you guys had experiences with a hotline and it helped you? Or does it make things worse?",4.194545454545455,6.632443000000002,4.522727272727273,82.22909090909094,73.54545454545455,6.218181818181819,29.181818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.749427272727273,188,8,33,2,4,59,38,44,0.217,0.73,0.053,-0.8515,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,8,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,0,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180873345141773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527409034392549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5060725258475658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25613142620835266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467721944350283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726692614793706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28977803731904034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28295123528224403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185385825239724,0.16575011776183446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26361450486142823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mangalodian,2019/04/08,"I think Tm is gonna be my last day I’ve felt so lonely, my friends think my depression is just a whole joke that I use to get out of situations. I lost the only person I had that I felt comfortable talking to and now I think tm I’m gonna gonna go and jump off my  school buildings third floor. I don’t know why I’m posting this, maybe I guess I just want attention one last time or maybe just someone to say something to me, I’m sorry",2.0078497790868965,2.673818474226806,3.8039764359351977,92.47103092783506,75.59793814432992,7.192341678939616,24.166421207658324,7.447530270364453,0.7452132547864507,340,10,84,4,7,115,62,97,0.115,0.774,0.111,-0.097,0,2,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,17,23,4,0,1,4,0,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,3,0,2,4,3,14,3,7,15,1,11,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,42,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149492437109689,0.0,0.15351676790204208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34227428909723523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770681046101907,0.0,0.09312238652206654,0.0,0.10129718498346026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635006988520268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795535163592464,0.29057672899885845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456864271985308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581295478923473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077918490082205,0.13555859556015534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563119512702964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070344575664131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174260216539794,0.0,0.18038712331335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20034781469273988,0.0,0.0,0.15102110827360546,0.13721689207890686,0.0,0.1995236798192748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326154980965072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426245680498954,0.0,0.0,0.10393244421981633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394104603885267,0.0,0.0,0.10512982844441687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160832742013642,0.19899719093954024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,borrowingfun,2019/04/08,"This might just be my last hour So I dont know why im doing this, i guess reddit has been my companion for quite a while and I just wanna say goodbye (even though this is a new account). I'm pretty wasted already and got some pills that already show effect so i think this time it might just finally work.

Anyway, like i said, theres no real reason why I'm doing this, maybe I am just lonely (again) and am looking for some company while I log out. Maybe subconsciously i also hope for someone to give me some hope and convince me to keep going on, because int Ruth I dont want to die, i just dont want to live either. 

In either case, for anyone who reads this, i hope you have a better day or life than me and that you have more strength than I have to get through anything life throws at you",4.433192771084336,4.342298222891569,5.171951807228918,87.54865060240967,69.78313253012048,7.60385542168675,25.636144578313257,6.742157984588678,0.8597368674698802,619,15,136,4,10,201,101,166,0.062,0.782,0.156,0.9485,0,2,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,3,0,5,13,8,0,0,3,0,16,3,0,2,0,32,33,12,1,6,8,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,0,0,10,6,0,1,4,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,3,3,20,7,17,27,6,15,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,10,10,94,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689872347487364,0.0974644980650663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521879954764762,0.0,0.10029387724058236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742947108036005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077897550500104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860018333460324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648844195421816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285146334647134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804982003821453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350961840558745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367537894894186,0.11691493040578378,0.06926515611532841,0.0,0.09747567571710328,0.0,0.13426057442835004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631522390295191,0.12002368541877195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164740585845727,0.0,0.0,0.1083293275499791,0.0,0.0,0.06698007180063338,0.0993455173550662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216978480083667,0.05954264367237488,0.0,0.1076190775359962,0.0,0.10234546491179693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448824125598921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585831611151273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770896848574353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399209509669715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963053353585527,0.12190936274486135,0.13872200401532353,0.0,0.12530921842327372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159323479936992,0.09692099014185072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326546234220804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809346396216213,0.11974292579288424,0.0,0.07106709801964066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377169475675364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994895486681496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872745710176955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CHY4E,2019/04/08,"I dont want this anymore Most days I get home from School ( I'm 17), eat something with my older sisters and my mum, and then hide in my bed. 
I hate this life, I don't have any goal in it. No motivation. This is my last year in school. I just need to finish but I'm dying inside.
I want to tell my mum, but I'm afraid she will think I'm like my father. I'm probably like my father. (He had major depression what caused the family to split)

Parts of the reasons my life is going down:

1. Nobody fucking likes me for who I am, they are just friendly to me because I'm good in Informatics and they want help in school tests.
2. I feel lonely, very lonely. I'm a tall skinny nerd nobody likes. It's killing me, I just want somebody to like me for who I am.
3. I don't have any motivation. I sometimes need hours to get out of my bed. I don't know why I even stand up in the morning, for who?

This is going for a few months now, and the longer it goes the more I consider suicide. 
I don't even want to die, I just want this aimless crawling trough my life to stop.

TLDR: I can't find anything worth living for.",-0.13059793148028476,1.8429137100840367,2.1102521008403383,96.23712346477056,86.26890756302521,4.838009049773755,17.97737556561086,6.093298490706669,-0.3925861667744024,845,21,201,7,26,285,123,238,0.193,0.675,0.132,-0.8959999999999999,0,4,1,0,0,2,36.0,0,0,2,3,7,15,3,1,7,0,16,6,1,4,0,30,40,7,4,8,6,5,1,5,1,1,3,0,3,0,12,6,2,1,7,0,1,2,7,8,0,0,1,1,35,7,26,38,5,23,0,3,0,1,15,10,1,1,15,115,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980163249662693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652374111646024,0.0,0.0,0.09668860027679868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162402923498717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070001323528255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757747323886231,0.0,0.10119850839726376,0.0,0.24388309117633306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770358752290005,0.0,0.0,0.12022699929881164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552090423442422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107640886851802,0.0,0.05940914149968748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738855296357487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077655819129887,0.10862248866634487,0.12277286374918835,0.0,0.13355054519789067,0.0985494623462861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160022591781815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875460629970536,0.0,0.1178573410455519,0.0,0.11570917849118828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999111368048166,0.0,0.06457233050535831,0.0957743312066214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24897116295172986,0.2870112828349501,0.0,0.10375048065073013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937836077267796,0.0,0.0,0.17424251562743953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723593325464344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667977919952866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080471175785225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567344739507404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045360318004048,0.1162058315594175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823131119134723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852076085842884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269604937422247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528622812293452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694590717420824,0.4158105452073043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602121068369627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756631050210653
suicidewatch,lastvindication420,2019/04/08,"Wasted I no longer find joy in life, I am only truly fasinated by my own death.

I have wasted my life away. From one mistake to another and now possibly face being locked up. From gambling to embezzlement. It doesn't matter what I have done or what could happen to me. I no longer see a future for myself.",2.1072677595628413,4.326420737704922,4.043852459016397,84.17812841530056,79.327868852459,6.689617486338799,20.002732240437158,7.793537801064563,0.9035551912568304,239,6,46,4,6,81,47,61,0.26,0.644,0.096,-0.8582,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0,0,6,9,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,9,1,10,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32794871620869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938416726392405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497077654187672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200548325692394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28585051173824616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27656638284113644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4418132868839253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119294792663727,0.23786269621487574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525819362326015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492235927034325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,friarsm1ke,2019/04/08,"Inevitable Does anyone else feel like suicide is just inevitable? I feel like no matter what happens to me theres always going to be the feeling inside of just... darkness. Nothing is interesting to me anymore, and nothing feels like it will be. I've felt like this since I was 13 and now I'm 19 and I dont know how much longer it can last. I'm burned out permanently.",2.37747104247104,4.5225160135135125,3.522046332046333,88.64013513513515,78.05405405405406,5.3096525096525085,25.43629343629344,6.18269132825596,0.7805158301158306,291,11,58,2,7,94,53,74,0.138,0.7040000000000001,0.158,-0.092,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,18,4,1,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,5,5,5,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823497561102906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859551529818386,0.1329698582937639,0.19484954661785744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664172621093545,0.0,0.2228754312079096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588609276091913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846185351484068,0.40756808291069496,0.18259106259538052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807683330719822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816489777009022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451133673687382,0.15501226765624465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716258353123124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979533059291666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36494257031199495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730890051356414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801288122379127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PinkOgreReadsNovels,2019/04/08,"Feel like I can't escape my situation, sometimes I wonder why I continue. I'm majorly depressed but my post was against r/depression rules because of suicidal implications... I don't really know if I feel suicidal (I don't want to die.. I just don't want to keep being ME) but I know every day I just keep asking myself why I keep living.

The problem is I never have a good reason. After sports ended in high school I went from a top-shape, attractive guy to out-of-shape college stoner who is disgusted with himself. I had a 4-year relationship with this amazing Belgian girl who I used to travel internationally with from money saved and she left me when college began because of the long distance (she moved back to Belgium).

I was valedictorian in high school and now failing out of college because I'm just burnt out and unmotivated to finish my last 1.5 years (currently a junior).

My family is poor. We don't have health insurance (we keep applying but they'll send us incorrect documents or send them so late they're due two days after coming in the mail). Thankfully, our paperwork is currently being processed and hopefully I have health insurance again.

I have major anxiety issues (which have improved a lot the last 3 years), but major depression which has only worsened, and ADD. I can't currently afford any therapy or medication.

Because we are poor, I feel like a loser for failing out and see myself doomed to my parents' fate. Everyone told me throughout my life that, ""You'll be the one to get out of here. You'll do great things. You'll be the doctor/lawyer/etc. of the family"". I feel like I'm letting everyone down and myself.

Therefore, I lie to everyone. To them, I'm getting all A's and I'm happy. The facade is eating me away but without it I would feel worse.

I moved home (so I don't have to work and balance school) hoping to focus on school and my mental health. Then after one semester my druggy older brothers moved home too because one is now unemployed and the other was couchsurfing at his place. 

So now I just smoke pot all day with them outside of class to feel happy until I move out this summer.

I just feel lost and wake up feeling like I don't deserve to keep going. I'm just a failure. I quit going to class. I don't even know why anymore. I just don't want to get out of bed. I just want to wake up where everything is fine and the way I wish it turned out. I need a reset button... I just need someone. I feel alone. I feel unloved. I hate myself and I need someone to convince me that I'm worth it despite every voice in my head shouting LOSER.",3.5410639295088124,5.376578147637801,4.992103487064117,80.81463254593177,73.6259842519685,7.830221222347207,27.05586801649794,8.563005593585519,2.076221447319085,2041,76,382,38,42,683,238,508,0.185,0.6920000000000001,0.123,-0.9886,7,1,2,0,0,1,72.0,5,3,4,7,22,28,2,0,19,0,40,9,3,3,3,87,92,28,3,13,18,2,10,4,0,5,5,2,3,2,13,30,1,5,15,2,4,11,12,12,0,4,8,13,73,16,55,74,6,66,1,8,1,0,28,22,0,7,35,249,86,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541673502006032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295229419230926,0.0,0.04831872142935041,0.0,0.06263968559805955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904790014341803,0.0,0.0593427343348068,0.04856764336990616,0.0,0.1925147025644225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440843006773968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122202703954292,0.0,0.16320389359954385,0.0,0.06555213558883231,0.0,0.0,0.06464893565280228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463044667394267,0.0,0.0,0.055942743205339714,0.0,0.07044227409135805,0.04171787449178402,0.0,0.1064333396967988,0.18106185951017711,0.05676589096291885,0.0,0.11908693669319842,0.0,0.31936581417101195,0.18049164836866188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989985411325272,0.0,0.0717927873109078,0.052977249769722255,0.0,0.06963627654745222,0.0,0.06254026412267834,0.0,0.13447414766139001,0.0,0.062359352471557876,0.06482238635902897,0.201414608468485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346814308807206,0.1267131782378687,0.12546814261953051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592466930465153,0.0,0.28070623126077826,0.0,0.0,0.1041364731968324,0.10297084418446853,0.07124943451758302,0.0,0.06862564712198213,0.06458737665159464,0.04461315557056775,0.1234309598893398,0.0,0.055773161986911665,0.0558963411222197,0.0,0.0,0.06894873330605984,0.05369803404364243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362902302359902,0.06365239312481022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685246422511362,0.0,0.1405013642560091,0.04871439223288842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840052269841454,0.04803751170777678,0.0,0.0,0.07013387447972415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599079791216693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060491691730854474,0.0,0.0,0.0604374591459107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671805121441112,0.0,0.0,0.04046316466897745,0.06494100765021804,0.0,0.06781230019457812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556930753757152,0.05033189921268792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099668194525632,0.0,0.0,0.10703383620694737,0.0,0.062468786908136134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817785072570346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815104056677795,0.07223119827225367,0.0,0.04196199523311659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035395317005905,0.0,0.0,0.06870206783113822,0.06170005063021874,0.0,0.07597605295144774,0.05455164809609743,0.0,0.0,0.1490182262177297,0.05013501862071024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058551763546127365,0.1709815160495452,0.0,0.07263312921275011,0.06088586908790958,0.06849644409736243,0.04598265429257695,0.0,0.06436742653824787,0.04486843945344558,0.0,0.0,0.12202268133037955
suicidewatch,gayracuse,2019/04/08,"giving myself some time I'm 22 years old and my life is not going the way i want. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and it's only gotten worse these past couple months. Every morning I wake up feeling so hopeless and alone, I don't have anyone to talk to. The one person I could count on has left me and I don't blame them. I have no job because of my lack of motivation and I keep quitting work. I live with my homophobic family who I feel so alienated from. My mental health has declined so drastically since the beginning of this year, if i'm not feeling angry then I feel nothing. This anger, along with my impulsive nature, has lead me to hurt and abuse the people in my life.I have nothing and no one to turn to. I don't want to be like this, I want to die, everyday I want to die.

​

And despite all of this, despite how much I hate myself and my life, for some reason I've decided to give myself more time. instead of killing myself now I want to wait until my next birthday. Right now everything is shit, but I'm going to give it one last push. hopefully things will be different then. hopefully I'll want to live by the time I'm 23.",3.04993984962406,4.416101787755107,4.610375939849623,84.9754135338346,73.9795918367347,7.9334049409237375,25.547798066595053,8.532816995589336,1.6621020408163272,938,31,195,17,19,315,134,245,0.128,0.753,0.119,-0.7268,2,1,0,0,1,4,28.0,0,0,1,4,8,11,4,0,5,0,17,5,2,4,1,42,44,21,3,11,4,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,13,0,2,8,0,0,4,7,8,0,3,2,4,31,3,31,38,6,28,0,4,0,0,7,5,1,5,19,127,40,4,0.0,0.12129409788673964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602653384963387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109200355802415,0.12439320351068273,0.0,0.0,0.0783143113398894,0.0,0.0,0.07158089321935547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240503021662457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173572396327397,0.1132726875510582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817286659047185,0.0,0.21249197841481354,0.10695696699710132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625283798275549,0.0,0.09200536617791888,0.0,0.0965072249515256,0.0,0.20704946705906366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946136953423841,0.11636075068016305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107117075835964,0.0,0.10881666491021444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335701967426129,0.0,0.0,0.10959135946301513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158842871649663,0.09099295072261653,0.11325946702200478,0.0,0.0,0.08344685570979646,0.0,0.0,0.1112274939325634,0.0,0.21692514527626244,0.0500137955631182,0.0,0.1807927297347696,0.09059601189586004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316691305654943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171236575943512,0.0,0.07525521016671914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887379943419262,0.0,0.0,0.19645741893616173,0.0,0.1074222090112236,0.0,0.20810978050218168,0.0778585305361833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772567203906912,0.07097186542512456,0.08938729490453755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888523926941744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525548154831812,0.0,0.0,0.11596753686613642,0.08742514153630522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508340236525887,0.08468318876627502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228274794692668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801141797458833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908183576004585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135135555457296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3622900012078273,0.08125814055395296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452804623087449,0.0,0.10432582926339183,0.0,0.0,0.12439320351068273,0.1318484426401612
suicidewatch,TryppySurfer,2019/04/08,"I am extremely scared I have become suicidal. How did your suicidal tendencies start? To put it simply: Lately, I have thought about suicide a lot more often than I ever have in my life. Although I really hope that I never even get close to trying to kill myself, in the last few months I had recurring thoughts about how - if my mental and social situation does not improve in the next 10 to 20 years - I am bound to kill myself one day.

Did suicide tendencies start like this for anyone? Or did you just suddenly know that you will try it? I'm fucking terrified.",5.6476190476190435,6.4542227037037065,6.378994708994714,76.80833333333334,67.33333333333333,9.875132275132275,30.243386243386244,9.957137785484203,2.9653052910052904,444,16,81,10,7,146,76,108,0.29,0.667,0.044,-0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,3,0,0,8,6,3,1,3,0,10,2,0,2,2,17,19,6,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,6,0,15,2,12,12,3,17,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,5,13,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995389785728136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722157590043026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180816916328244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245771372535652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402512926162894,0.12876960925434047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160629539766994,0.07437539855593363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413921307321302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31499276284591554,0.0,0.07823541245779965,0.11603955202140588,0.1605843387743321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055060979000538,0.06954819786400994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102641022718405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346187489851586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362760449967403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979411301266304,0.0,0.15139775855843232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646445231653082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431076071201904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119722264576198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252369626086853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001467664332136,0.0,0.14511452994129048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152133454216806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6228596463195669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260303279221009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933014453648428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167292217631272
suicidewatch,nothing_anyway,2019/04/08,I'm so tired. Well I'm done. I just dont want to go on anymore.,-5.574901960784314,-4.766030058823528,-0.8858823529411772,111.50686274509803,114.2941176470588,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.2422392156862743,47,1,16,0,3,18,14,17,0.263,0.595,0.142,-0.2586,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39813954306638544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.410832033784652,0.4705070648235889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281584530838745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614181681677535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367909733598986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609599361711871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Beetrootpie,2019/04/08,"I’ve been on Prozac for 12 days now and all I can think about is killing myself, I don’t want to but I feel compelled to. I don’t know what to do, I see the doctor on Friday but I’m unsure if I can hold on that long. I don’t want to do this to my family but I don’t see another option. The antidepressants have had no effect, even though it’s early days the doctor said I would feel better on week two. I feel worse than ever and am considering buying some helium for an “exit bag”. These thoughts are obsessive and I’m unsure where to go from here. Any advise is greatly appreciated.",1.0952956989247298,3.006006862903228,3.475483870967744,88.5498924731183,81.17741935483872,6.391397849462368,17.591397849462368,7.492282038375204,0.2229752688172044,457,9,101,7,12,158,79,124,0.136,0.762,0.101,-0.6554,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,4,1,1,4,0,16,3,0,2,2,23,30,8,1,4,4,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,7,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,4,6,12,2,15,25,2,14,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,3,7,69,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216726962550446,0.20379693762367412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189016935213364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506842847583297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978587626155587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836887225329688,0.1758041669316075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321949463672094,0.0,0.2948134096054873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045576093332657,0.0,0.0,0.2142757845938588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502371787209945,0.0,0.10681178261966777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719970243056858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848749996767483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097496801555313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453408711730345,0.19095165197944164,0.1542952321270773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985545198215567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292698498880137,0.0,0.1558989198309087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806315770447736,0.13806338512136968,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blauergummibaer1,2019/04/08,I set a date It's still a few months away but if I cant fix the things that make me so miserable it's going to be my last year.,-1.6722916666666665,-0.5675678124999983,1.4762500000000005,103.47708333333335,86.5,5.516666666666668,13.791666666666664,6.42735559955562,-1.1471583333333335,98,1,30,1,3,35,28,32,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.77,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455487299663942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695122289668469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386555568800677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165479689975681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37852079333025423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787156197275756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150531213726866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053844827748709
suicidewatch,Tanyaivy,2019/04/08,Cant quit thinking about dying Everyday. Most of the day i am miserable. I checked the suicidal ideations box at my dr. And nothing about it . I was there for anxiety because suicidal thought are hard to talk about.  I guess checking the box doesn't mean anything  . the klonopin doesnt help,2.575476190476192,5.5165037962962975,2.7148677248677267,89.33833333333332,85.1111111111111,6.789417989417991,33.64021164021164,7.957251820313856,2.965198941798942,231,14,43,5,7,70,42,54,0.3,0.7,0.0,-0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,10,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,7,8,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555193419836514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035706603036491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582623601968065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485656363702386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652977257267211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815990496862675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289892150306492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133961883982118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784498647146991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24527846573182424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718879701613479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592231162882315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20546117608496856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379376694972686,0.0,0.20293718673724467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pikachu_Yay,2019/04/08,"Best friend is suicidal, but i feel numb to it Hello all, kind of a long read so I apologize but i wanted to get this off my chest. My best friend has been suicidal since I remember but this last year has been especially bad. She attempted suicide once and i had to call the cops on her as well. Literally 90% of our conversations have been me trying to talk her out of it. Its even gotten to the point where i get annoyed when i see her name pop up on my phone. I feel awful that i think this way but its true. I feel exhausted trying to be her friend and therapist. Shes currently getting help and taking medication but it doenst seem to be working. I feel like i’ve done everything i can and am out of options to help her. I dont want her to die and love her so much, but it’s obvious at this point shes giving up little by little, idk what to do anymore, what to say. I cant even cry because i feel like all my tears for her have dried up this last year. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Or if anyone has suggestions for how to help her please, im all ears",1.1628379446640302,3.0478633391304366,3.211620553359687,90.65754940711464,80.82608695652173,6.964426877470356,20.454545454545453,8.00094639256281,0.7579130434782617,848,23,194,16,22,287,127,230,0.153,0.632,0.215,0.9366,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,1,0,4,9,15,1,0,3,1,23,6,2,2,5,34,40,19,4,3,8,0,5,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,16,7,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,8,8,34,11,30,30,6,23,0,0,1,1,31,15,0,4,9,132,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721359043205428,0.15118255494438246,0.11076890907999024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026524666474216,0.06590132844961194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22690430263714176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038984442057524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875101217348907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219851680074963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063150639928082,0.1267011846019353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903099440165324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280796803988216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716004999229384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733120007836625,0.154464038890415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505707584781272,0.0,0.16944511999087128,0.10370656465307464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173865348868776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677465110473398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125773249927429,0.0,0.1762440824763412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563172734555476,0.21670423128172905,0.0,0.09567173536250484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975712393519082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890693254461717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794714513481696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513095902079115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866957068781435,0.20439306145210212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813675520684103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246472295548726,0.0,0.0,0.08597142294401615,0.0,0.0,0.08614768060112556,0.09841700756785657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942764097180234,0.1215173592817224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547561746130324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128338569176251,0.08689271328551483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552113963179592,0.0,0.06927092067082881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679579197872433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275292086803978,0.08581070133708901,0.0,0.0,0.09720162549286226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870354739545195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392353708320833
suicidewatch,throwaway689012,2019/04/08,"Was this my fault?(21F) no hope Well, when I was 16, he was 18 his friends invited me to a party. I had like six shots of hard liquor then they told me to go back to one of their houses with them. I left with three of them. They told me to take off my clothes I did when they told me to suck their dicks I did. Then one of them penetrated me, and I bled and said it hurt. They finished then the next day they called me a slut, gross, fat and ugly. 


One of the guys would see me after that happened, but I could tell him he was embarrassed by me. That night their friends wrote in a massive hoe on my car. Was that my fault? Will every guy treat me this way because of that?

One of them said it was okay or my fault because at school I was bullied and there were rumors I liked hooking up with all the football team and sucked two guys dicks at once. I was bullied and called a slut when I was a virgin.",0.9400581733566042,2.713781612565448,1.8310558464223408,100.83435573007564,81.04188481675394,4.872716695753345,18.988074461896453,5.46131890053228,-0.6379949970913317,692,16,171,3,18,215,103,191,0.204,0.691,0.104,-0.9751,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,12,1,6,17,2,1,8,1,16,7,3,0,1,16,29,14,0,3,2,0,1,2,2,2,1,2,0,3,8,9,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,9,1,7,19,4,39,8,23,7,1,22,0,1,1,5,32,7,4,2,14,120,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373552368327192,0.0,0.16447669354798494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27551123837291336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771264412150504,0.0,0.0,0.08700416306428675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136653692121312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084583665907156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667102901881205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40073884174146096,0.11929823776597842,0.0,0.12085060227480847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399356626256656,0.0,0.15566511725192586,0.14442124603846052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657737020679315,0.0,0.0,0.13181795918456496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347563395756546,0.1266015297603583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436720617796574,0.3656671956643773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25665581125505804,0.0,0.0,0.1365335706854649,0.10750379389495034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014336344462978,0.0,0.11791508256325305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867296313370933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131785003745437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708327706739243,0.0,0.0,0.12129802497668506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583440209574554,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ajw6693,2019/04/08,"My suicide note. I think I’ll be going tonight. I have come to the realization that I as a human am unproductive. A waste of space. A drain on society and those around me. I can’t keep a job, I am fat, I am moody, I am rude, I am distant and cold, and crazy. I didn’t ever really plan to go like this, but I have struggled to much and everyone else around me struggles constantly and I just can’t watch everything around me fall apart, I can’t watch me fall apart again and I’m not strong enough to pick up the pieces this time. I see no worth in living this life. I try to remind myself of all the people who love me and all the wonderful things I have. Yet somehow that just comes back to me realizing I am consistently failing those people. The voices in my head that naw at me everyday I had managed to keep at bay, but not today. They are relentless in their attempts to bombard me with truths I’ve come accustomed to. You’re worthless they say, you’re fat and disgusting they say, you’re wasting your life, your ugly, your stupid, you’ll never make it, everyone thinks your awkward, or ugly, or weird or stupid. Your nothing. Kill yourself they say, down the pills, all of them, and go to sleep they say. You’re a nightmare no one else will wake up from unless you go to sleep they say. Worthless worthless worthless they scream! It is constant and consistent and after a while when you’re mind is telling you something you sorta have to believe it, it becomes reality and it is my reality. My reality is that I am fat, I am poor, I am sick, I am worthless. I fail at everything I try. I have no dreams, ambition, or goals. I am so sick all the time. My body hurts, my brain hurts, my heart hurts. I’ve been nothing for a long while and now I can stop wasting peoples time and space and energy. I know this is going to affect a few people. Some family, some friends, my love, my animals. However if I didn’t truly  believe all of your lives would be better without me I wouldn’t be doing this. I promise all of you your life will be better. You may be sad, or angry at first, but soon you’ll be better. You won’t have a needy, crazy, lazy, human in your life. I won’t be there to bring you down, to worry about .
I love so many people and that is the worst part of this. Leaving all of you knowing I won’t ever feel Corey’s kiss again, or feel my puppy give me kisses, or my kitty rub her head on my hand. I won’t feel my moms hug, or hear the passion in her voice about her next new project. I won’t see my baby brothers grow into the amazing men I know they will be. I won’t see my grandparents and their unwavering ability to love and care no matter the screw ups. I’ll never hear my sisters harsh but truthful advice, formulated by long almost poetic rants. I won’t feel the summer sun on my skin. I won’t get to listen or watch thunderstorms, I won’t feel grass under my feet, or taste chocolate. I’ll miss life but I can’t live this one anymore for all the good there is equally if not more bad. I sit and I think not only about my failings and my mistakes, but about the worlds. The greed it infuriates me. I want to cry thinking about children starving while an American family gorges themselves at the golden coral. I hate thinking about the piles of dogs and cats being over bred and under looked. I hate thinking about woman being raped, not just in America, but young children in other countries and woman mutilation. I hate to think about people of color facing horrible tribulations every day. I hate thinking about the fact that our president, the man who is the face of my people, is a sexist, racist, ignorant, uniformed human. I hate this world it’s disgusting and our planet is dieing, and no one anywhere cares because we as a people are to oppressed to care, we can’t fight the wrongs of the world when we’re fighting to keep ourselves above water everyday.  I’m tired of trying and failing, I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of this body and this mind, I’m just so fucking tired and all I wanna do is go to sleep. So that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to go sleep, and dream of a better world, a better life, a better me. I love you. Goodnight.",2.5009256707465326,4.292738680473377,3.8105374077976855,88.35987355110645,76.39644970414201,6.618302666774743,23.40966199238064,7.462294177604082,0.9372138283213096,3255,100,677,42,73,1066,334,845,0.26,0.599,0.14,-0.9991,3,0,1,0,3,1,111.0,4,19,11,15,33,68,17,3,37,0,70,46,19,3,16,125,136,60,3,7,30,3,8,1,1,17,16,11,0,9,31,39,5,5,18,2,3,16,30,42,0,4,4,29,122,26,87,105,19,86,0,14,8,12,69,35,2,19,35,452,153,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878497091281754,0.0,0.0,0.049991485851876016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049511006192830775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332833039778186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838832951826168,0.04168429737877042,0.03043309218388978,0.055136927613099816,0.0,0.11249407945573484,0.0,0.26492132614292835,0.0,0.11090820037113976,0.0,0.055731484557135925,0.0,0.0,0.15270195956461033,0.0,0.0,0.1290148294474921,0.0,0.1078998091916835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967792563299356,0.032196728397207684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05181303450208409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340987703998975,0.0,0.0,0.0515846428734175,0.0,0.0,0.09031789159421967,0.04206296448121948,0.09540868287043827,0.08973660554559669,0.0,0.09412745296864714,0.0,0.12621489597394506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042465168655363664,0.0,0.0,0.03857101301168552,0.04615375937565388,0.026083131039031517,0.04789146920725133,0.2553556737148555,0.04187372456270942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464471410514123,0.10247246747213476,0.0,0.11253552808240357,0.059159957136491186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033341864518078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954167965649103,0.13312373286958945,0.05523330072293862,0.0,0.0823104637279285,0.0,0.0,0.05286210806999689,0.0,0.0,0.21157598739332067,0.024390252605520198,0.0,0.1322509209056413,0.08836200453549316,0.0419234281225956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252909456873385,0.0,0.033324531917163135,0.05061490912462111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081763610264666,0.05847016478125334,0.0,0.0,0.03669974584375164,0.0,0.07700864244431144,0.04821672835186008,0.053094540024891085,0.0,0.0,0.09580648739275063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148900036434486,0.0379693083856346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406262293814535,0.0,0.27688707983287464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031982472092250316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985070939530375,0.0,0.0,0.11934844259627908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998394639751568,0.0,0.0,0.03843378923729228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173854194969418,0.0,0.10438241504136113,0.0,0.054608546943315774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363561183179461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033167162095633675,0.25591330117724365,0.0,0.0,0.08733292808652164,0.2295203094441596,0.04732193597209609,0.0,0.0,0.1016849730027392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029446357571354213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812477286062175,0.05414024408826941,0.0,0.050700054053604685,0.0,0.03546444338652642,0.05458385082877591,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Uncle_Fatso,2019/04/08,"Flunking Nursing School After Flunking out of Graduate School. I Feel Like I Let Loved Ones and My Community Down. I'm So Full of Self Hatred. I'm sorry if this is long. I'm not used to truly expressing how I feel. I guess this is the only place where I feel comfortable enough saying this. I can't tell my family, girlfriend, or the few other friends I have, bc they'll call the police and send me to an inpatient facility. I work at an inpatient facility and I know what happens when people express suicidal ideation to others. I have insurance through my job, but I already live paycheck to paycheck and I don't want another bill on top of everything else I have to pay (the healthcare system in America is sofa king regressive). Plus, I think the only hospital my insurance works at is the place where I am currently employed, and I don't want my co-workers knowing my business. Idk why I can't just be a good disciplined student and just sit down and study hard like all the other successful students. I try and sit down to study and my mind starts racing with random and/or self-doubting thoughts. I've already spent the last 10 years since graduating high school trying to make these healthcare careers work. If this doesn't work out, idk what to do with my life. So many of my other friends are established in their careers and have traveled, and I'm here spinning my wheels. I just hate how inconsistent I am. I just wanted to be a positive role model for the Latino community here in America. I feel like I will never get out of this level of poverty and never get to experience travelling and seeing Latin America like I have wanted to. I try to use that as motivation, but external factors like money and travelling don't really work. I already have thought of a plan about how I would like to go. I tried to make it as ""fun"" for me as possible and a way nobody could find my body; I know of a former co-worker who shot himself in the head in a grocery store parking lot, and I don't want to go out that way or the way Bradley Cooper went in A Star is Born. Sometimes the only thing that gets me excited for the next day is working out and trying to set new PR's. But I've been getting injured more after losing a lot of my flexibility and having gained 50 lbs of unnecessary body fat after 4 years program hopping and looking to junk food for immediate comfort (which would make me end up feeling worse after I binged). I don't do any drugs and I don't really like to drink bc it makes me sleepy and gives me poor quality sleep. The closest thing to a drug I consume is sugar free RockStar energy drinks. Those sorta gives me an adrenaline rush and euphoric feeling.  I feel so much pressure to ""live my best life"" (I don't even have any social media accounts) and I feel like a choke artist after getting myself into position to accomplish a goal, and tripping over my own feet when I am so close. I feel there is no hope for me and the already overpopulated planet would be better without a screw up like me around. Now part of me feels I should have spent this time and energy studying.",5.634654605263157,6.149848419407897,6.38980263157895,77.74861842105264,67.27302631578948,9.426315789473684,32.11842105263157,9.414487439383343,2.8538348684210524,2461,98,465,46,38,811,298,608,0.092,0.7440000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9941,3,0,4,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,2,17,22,28,2,1,30,0,45,17,6,10,3,98,96,46,1,13,13,0,11,9,3,6,6,1,1,1,23,37,5,1,18,6,9,9,15,6,0,1,6,15,68,23,73,79,11,71,0,3,2,2,19,32,1,10,32,307,91,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705101782055868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334936662549727,0.06426078755837197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455504841466476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431294651203624,0.05420001784573872,0.0,0.1361436588033251,0.0,0.0,0.06257700781501485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892965537648285,0.0,0.0,0.03952259968897128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006842725867327,0.14213813160116634,0.0,0.05119425706376633,0.0,0.05427873296570959,0.06332193647853486,0.0,0.04047698127932341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507739629119157,0.059946737299138575,0.057772354966117434,0.0,0.3098663160320353,0.13134220932441126,0.0,0.0,0.056011742386496366,0.0,0.07410389904974092,0.0,0.09469450983045576,0.0,0.16008973551176522,0.11757687567778125,0.06965731939546359,0.05140144777945006,0.0,0.0,0.0675103633607803,0.0,0.05419253894024149,0.0,0.0548977176224216,0.06050448095286067,0.06289425219044233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474907452710592,0.0,0.06086805382381595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081412834331822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103894619350952,0.049953994338706086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266623281879019,0.08657228513389635,0.26945892151949763,0.0,0.10822839184088807,0.054233711107030284,0.0514624606213843,0.06856023474292944,0.0,0.10420158482182716,0.055310488383177904,0.0,0.16362807034749655,0.0621315547016743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187857076837115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505020962922983,0.0,0.0945307768655651,0.05918770470877121,0.06517538754825238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152708814333789,0.139825924915031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636374286728533,0.0,0.04248606054113875,0.0,0.12805581896193907,0.0,0.0,0.06908760968207225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785191853017793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487348671761776,0.0,0.1860656364565098,0.04883478285994622,0.0,0.12786350380211214,0.0,0.0,0.050694103405473895,0.0,0.06132746656205058,0.06247051355225833,0.0,0.0,0.06061066027514528,0.06860153465468335,0.0433765704429423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703388349930127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356422544971758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142768135650931,0.0392678055388561,0.0,0.09730404439439434,0.035734731738858466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803637938980024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585803162991143,0.0,0.0,0.1807321210144868,0.1459312753732462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681014830692582,0.0552985637336403,0.0,0.0,0.05907482615711904,0.0,0.3569192456994985,0.0,0.06245282509539155,0.1306014991833234,0.0,0.0,0.07892875412968503
suicidewatch,SirMeatballsthe3rd,2019/04/08,"I feel trapped by being alive I want to die. I've been on medication and gone to therapy for years, but nothing helps! I have no way to cope that doesn't involve an unhealthy vice of some kind.

If it weren't for meeting my boyfriend freshman year of college, I would have killed myself a while ago. He's helped me so much and I'm happy in the relationship but it doesn't change the fact that I'm suicidal. I would have just given up but he told me how much it would ruin his life. I can't bare to put someone I care about through that, but there's so many times in my life where I can't imagine my future because I just want to die. I can't put up with all the stress and shittiness of life. I'm stuck. I don't want to be here anymore.",2.287264150943397,3.3037662327044046,3.4554874213836477,93.88813679245285,75.35220125786164,6.557861635220128,24.57075471698113,6.816661863887847,0.5790792452830185,577,18,138,5,12,187,95,159,0.207,0.649,0.14400000000000002,-0.9448,0,1,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,1,1,5,0,16,4,0,1,2,23,28,12,4,7,7,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,3,0,0,6,1,18,3,20,17,4,16,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,2,6,87,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264262095644436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839796015100426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121625974611408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256311039335854,0.0,0.15829425393884056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105955309975601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566007861062925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928950644839598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005947082610581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165549234199929,0.15582208674157924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31707540767622033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170665766856994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074177229580293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199982525122524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357905839101892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008495122603295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065225944133218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678546203255314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140667370542698,0.0,0.0,0.16367667709350356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112094961085245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725351781096016,0.0,0.0,0.1429828941823975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647762427073513,0.1187734967762432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188897657999944,0.0,0.0,0.1927203904755369
suicidewatch,6543ism,2019/04/08,"Vent I’ve lost hope for things to get better. Everything is ruined in my life.  I screwed up too many things including my marriage and work. Now I don’t believe in anything. I pray to God but he never answers. I have family and friends who love me but I disconnect all the time. Move away when things got tough. Afraid of death but now trying to seek it out.  I don’t wanna leave my kids behind. But the pain of not seeing them, the loneliness, the lack of people to eat with and be with on a daily basis, having no work and unable to type more than three words, all of this and more has pushed me to the edge. Every day I wake up and think about suicide and I read about it and watch videos. I just don’t want to be here but I’m afraid to do it the wrong way and fail. I pray for a miracle today, something when I know God loves me and that things change in a positive way. Even if it is just my brain and attitude. I don’t wanna be here and I don’t want to move forward the way things are.",1.2990300751879715,2.9977074142857134,2.6557644110275724,95.708007518797,79.61904761904762,5.944862155388472,18.671679197994987,6.8360192770164,-0.10452380952380924,767,16,180,8,19,248,117,210,0.177,0.657,0.166,-0.5499,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,5,13,14,1,2,10,0,15,8,2,0,3,37,27,20,2,7,9,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,12,15,1,0,3,2,0,4,8,9,0,1,2,2,21,5,31,22,5,23,2,3,2,3,8,9,1,2,9,126,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213957793868326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803126835190834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353096577273315,0.0,0.12052079319285902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521237151217746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415684962496736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788364382306488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943944704553016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090005835491069,0.0,0.11481435452088724,0.0,0.12247175834710032,0.0,0.1284643496788683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528278300809446,0.0,0.07119607215195736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898851889017316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534803895878586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489108197510658,0.0,0.0,0.14429151372295565,0.0,0.0,0.09625237119433773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875610090070598,0.0,0.24598013789580736,0.0,0.0,0.13815759759090232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896694171285471,0.0,0.0,0.10510074223039023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450021535103972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447328468841913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630806646540622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085904949779364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490821932062744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905856365448916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526626159456814,0.08731707587173725,0.0,0.0,0.0794608264882677,0.0,0.12916915391783265,0.0,0.0,0.0925191926260612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607525565182541,0.3244971820800229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841409794333895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899115355905154,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pothockets,2019/04/08,"I'm so tired Spent the last 5 years of my life watching my father wither away.
I'm mediocre at my mediocre job.
I'm mediocre in my college degree that I don't actually care about.
My girlfriend of 5 years whom I'm madly in love with is slipping away from me.
I have no days off, no time to do anything.
I've been depressed since the age of 12, and it never gets better

I don't think I've ever felt more worthless.",1.3319382022471906,3.011031224719101,3.200435393258428,91.93188904494384,79.4494382022472,4.899438202247191,23.484550561797754,5.148860815047168,0.1968977528089888,325,11,71,1,8,109,60,89,0.235,0.72,0.045,-0.9395,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,3,6,1,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,2,6,16,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,2,9,3,13,13,1,14,0,2,1,1,4,6,0,0,8,40,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.2292163024056012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329238642116964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413690483087282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773889252871852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394834453591919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148299605012547,0.0,0.20230824662236527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21246917771945734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552882084959894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271901627443567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330895851011891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914646502671689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590797708390453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211995125806906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115970876452253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430135482911945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050641602909354,0.0,0.0,0.13696478140228055,0.2699686106303936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025196784665156
suicidewatch,AnotherFutureGhost,2019/04/08,"Just Another Day I hate this.

This feeling of curiosity and wonder at the thought of death. Taking my own life has seemed more comforting as of late... Far easier than the road ahead looks, that's for certain. 

I hate how I used to.be, and how much I suffer now due to the carelessness and selfishness of my younger self. My rotting teeth and oversized gut have me questioning my worth every moment. 

I have no insurance if any kind, havent seen a dentist or a doctor in 7ish years, and have never managed to hold a job for more than a year. I have dropped out of college twice due to my mental health, and racked up a decent chunk of debt. 

I feel trapped in an office job that every movie, book, or song tell you to stay away from for your own sanity. But it pays the bills and I am not smart enough to do much else... 

To top this all off, I have a beautiful girlfriend  who most dudes swoon over, and she loves me to death, and I love her too, but I don't feel like I'm going to be good for her in the long run, and it makes my brain fucking bonkers... I can feel myself start to instinctively push her away at times and it hurts me to the fucking core to see her feel hurt like that... 

I just feel like a failure, stuck at a dead end, with seemingly little to no options left.... 

I'm exhausted when I sleep enough. Im hungry when I eat enough. Im always full of emotion and yet unable to express myself. Im beyond loved and seem incapable of loving anything.

I'm just Tired. Lonely. Scared. I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing or I'm supposed to do. 

I hate this...",3.34648516863064,4.298111336448598,4.152731951781121,90.14763510767985,72.70716510903426,7.327156982256536,24.23689557090613,7.586124646067393,0.8955397805770002,1213,33,269,14,23,389,183,321,0.23,0.677,0.094,-0.9935,3,3,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,2,0,2,13,26,6,1,16,0,15,18,4,4,3,49,51,24,3,1,11,0,6,3,1,0,6,1,0,1,12,15,1,1,13,2,4,3,7,14,0,1,3,10,35,12,45,47,12,41,0,4,3,7,17,19,3,11,20,170,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539020841834992,0.0,0.0,0.061614172063062175,0.0950067260695466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455978967069765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025183463434435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114459508316057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058432411815613476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927375526711403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271103061577288,0.07568843990237617,0.10191787590768382,0.08024870080515221,0.28085602908669705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267641062346565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748741681264976,0.1294557565277115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512872216151157,0.0,0.0,0.051492629595710084,0.07599476219186316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683595797505738,0.0,0.09630835461802163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939879984181431,0.0,0.2936052477447092,0.0,0.1798219863839547,0.0,0.0,0.09435065196722578,0.049793867811131945,0.0,0.10220583091806723,0.0,0.09844206250733603,0.0,0.06399664314306414,0.13279435726670258,0.09080951917628904,0.0,0.080182137982672,0.0760849669742914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32709642183081605,0.0,0.060479212313854475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130803315553654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320947620606235,0.0,0.06987978177710735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149778421913344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071091809473927,0.0,0.0722000618748446,0.2474488222905256,0.09452026143458818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066994099484753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413033674953947,0.09657234968499047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812331377225067,0.0,0.07919233311303793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192985833576852,0.052832216947209666,0.1041365529133334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782532038234733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825672345759064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669266449307053
suicidewatch,giakkks,2019/04/08,I don’t know what to do anymore I’ve been reading in here for the past 2 weeks to see if I can get some advice and I haven’t found anything. I know some people have way worse problems and I feel stupid for posting about mine but here it goes. My girlfriend and i recently broke up and we have been together for 2 years and it’s been horrible without her. before I met her I had really bad depression and anxiety and thought about killing myself before and feeling hopeless and alone and she had the same thoughts as well. After being with her for a little all of our problems and thoughts just went away and we made each other so happy and helped each other grow and be better and we never felt alone because we had each other. And now I’m completely alone she wanted to end things because she lost some of the passion and didn’t feel like she was into the relationship as much as before and it hurts that we can be together I was the reason why she left I pushed her away and now she wants to be friends and still be there for each other and later down the line try again and I just want to be with her and it sucks. Now all the horrible thoughts and feelings are coming back and I’ve been contemplating just ending it and doing everyone a favor and I’m scared. My parents have always been a problem for me and we’re also a reason why me and my gf didn’t work out and being at home with them is horrible they don’t care about me hurting or being sad they just want me to move on and do what they want me to do and that makes me feel extra alone. I have always been lonely my whole life and I finally found my dream girl and now I lost her and I’m all alone again and it sucks I don’t have anyone in m life I’m completely alone. She was the only good thing in my life and I fucked it up and I want her back. And the thought of her meeting a new guy and fucking him and just doing anything hurts so fucking bad and I know I shouldn’t care. But no matter how hard I try it hurts and I can’t stop thinking about it her doing what we did with someone else it’s horrible and I don’t want to feel that pain anymore. I’ve tried to just move on be ok and just get my shit together but I can’t I really can’t all I can do is just lay in bed and cry and miss her. Things are so different now and I know she doesn’t love or care about me like she used to and I can’t get over that I want her back in my life so bad but i can’t right now and I don’t know if I ever will. And without her I feel so insecure and and stupid and like the biggest loser in the world I feel ugly and worthless and like I have no purpose in my life she made me feel good now that I lost her I feel like shit and like if I’m a huge mistake and I should have never been born. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore I have zero hope and motivation to do anything and I don’t think I’ll ever get better. I don’t know when or how I’ll do it but I know everyone will be better of without me my parents can just live their life and not worry about me and my ex can forget about me and live her life and find the man she deserves. I love her so fucking much and this life is not worth living without her in it.,0.9121335268505106,2.6829337982583468,2.6217939042089995,95.14537590711178,81.1190130624093,5.575268505079826,19.888824383164007,6.527325351335832,-0.014160406386066525,2493,64,582,23,65,822,227,689,0.235,0.626,0.138,-0.998,3,8,0,0,0,2,18.0,7,0,5,9,46,60,11,2,18,1,73,18,2,9,8,176,142,89,1,18,26,3,12,6,3,4,9,0,2,3,29,82,0,1,32,2,1,6,28,36,1,1,31,13,107,24,60,97,16,63,0,15,1,7,55,25,8,10,36,424,136,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048559776387029616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088040061514282,0.0,0.03973976214006002,0.0826977129559353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038015284480652334,0.0,0.1478473807261626,0.034746752829159684,0.0,0.12268020370815455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933770952899067,0.11463337964942537,0.12447564003968975,0.06058522219297952,0.0,0.12685616813816394,0.0,0.0,0.13184921623347715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199707761577222,0.0,0.0,0.04280642959882658,0.10420508527539957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054585822679378906,0.0,0.0,0.04280081826122237,0.0,0.0,0.051918984640442485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151242587363483,0.0,0.08802713460407306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990097846734557,0.0,0.09496827032753744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512645599875383,0.07100189280824679,0.04771341868168976,0.05443664702716916,0.04541883088519809,0.0,0.0,0.10897240888438922,0.03839296676461797,0.18376284275809027,0.10385091859478253,0.0,0.0,0.08336086557850128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920423930494541,0.0,0.052899505899754035,0.04451548990336795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033308411802233116,0.0,0.049846491956574764,0.049356719236813576,0.0,0.0,0.21279107919504475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497834029698629,0.0,0.21848136905845167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399198117908649,0.0,0.2807991189211453,0.14566599389764692,0.04980580176164752,0.13164044225081986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273851834281022,0.0,0.08970039534634835,0.09404211777520534,0.03317070376021699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563235494722374,0.07306067496968294,0.0,0.0766531656572532,0.04799415686984266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377940396453564,0.052877238817810326,0.0,0.11035719121729748,0.0,0.04743793516238036,0.03445111893468759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047592502488434996,0.0,0.0,0.14264950322075312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970680785626012,0.0,0.06366967793747508,0.10218610125654758,0.049066198074042375,0.05335207155581682,0.0,0.04243785802878045,0.0,0.0,0.049751722564161424,0.0,0.03959917420040838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201904011573502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042105022774785714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968518158916669,0.0415458741877673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904218110335146,0.06368299727923216,0.0,0.1972548856943016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121558870575906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0429191079547458,0.0,0.0,0.2344834505090238,0.03944427623350555,0.03986101603681938,0.0,0.044680298687048085,0.0460662426944488,0.08968105641427312,0.055480861929895625,0.0,0.19161050340398092,0.0,0.03617735801771405,0.0504660193823444,0.050641779392213516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03200089466115056
suicidewatch,UnidentifiedUser000,2019/04/08,"Smile More I don't know who you are or what you've been through but if you're reading this post, look in the mirror and smile once in a while. It helps.

(Also I love you)",-1.3928947368421056,0.5761455000000026,0.10557894736842144,107.84205263157897,94.0,3.04,12.86315789473684,3.1291,-1.9334905263157889,131,2,35,0,5,41,32,38,0.0,0.664,0.336,0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,6,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,3,5,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,2,1,23,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275007900809898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744991563645488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250668383860613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439018441098757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696165850586777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4361358141031254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922162923864545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096405707702747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,youkilledkenny93,2019/04/08,"I'm tired My girlfriend and I of nearly five years split this month, I buried my grandmother last week, i'm failing in a PhD program I hate, Im thousands of miles away from another family member, my dad is on disability due to brain cancer.

I always thought growing up that 25 was going to be one of the best years of my life for some reason. Like i was going to peak. I turn 26 at the end of this month and i have peaked, at an all time low. Im lost, i'm broken, I'm tired.",-0.01167696381288863,1.9328405242718456,2.3822065313327454,94.66100617828778,85.50485436893203,5.2988526037069725,18.101500441306268,6.574015621080383,-0.15493398058252386,366,9,86,4,11,125,69,103,0.222,0.7020000000000001,0.076,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,4,0,5,5,1,1,1,6,15,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,3,4,0,11,2,17,10,3,21,0,3,0,0,2,9,0,1,10,48,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184769678683893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913584381258636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714569405319917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19151375922114916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037210683990774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163346199786532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203691447334166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074284544278629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017275253961754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394244660059522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875507596479276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288992704389214,0.08915621679207078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19921122608735864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29132623566020643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366108522722148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876318408914331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448780093282188,0.10641236611336556,0.41949468088648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19849854393445485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638381789347554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503731727155144
suicidewatch,reqhate,2019/04/08,"my life is terrible and i don't know if I will survive this shit My partner doesn't give a shit about me, my parents probably hate me, my grades at school are a mess, I look pretty ugly and there's nothing that would make me want to continue living. I'm scared of dying though. Maybe things will change one day, maybe not. I'm just so tired and exhausted and I don't want to die I just want this to stop",1.3062790697674416,3.120295151162793,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,80.04651162790697,6.16046511627907,20.05232558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.2151906976744189,317,8,74,4,8,102,58,86,0.324,0.575,0.101,-0.9763,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,1,2,0,8,5,2,1,0,15,18,7,2,5,4,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,1,12,0,6,15,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,1,3,44,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521798228817885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129161134374695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634236627522841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795863551658438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286137269595828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622279573183326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236685598322092,0.0,0.0,0.15460432090036316,0.0,0.14702831005615935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168713969875059,0.0,0.3517952389212905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799992944971914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864293929099548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944125032501044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781256083804125,0.18877253495223445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529182861600912,0.17719658016997786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35944693316848586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637990168948298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631949033412692,0.0,0.17202130095046886,0.0,0.0,0.2012358288214112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098111284004573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437621186309815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigdaddythrowaway1,2019/04/08,(24/f) I feel trapped. Poor. Unlikeable. I have hated my life for so long now I don't remember what it's like to look forward to anything. The world is better off without me. All I do is hurt people I'm so poor. So lonely. Another summer spent alone talking to no one. I hate my life and my personality. Can't really afford rent in my hometown (toronto) and will be forced to live on a sofa. Searched all year for a job and again I have nothing. University degree means nothing. I can't remember the last time i have looked forward to something. 6 years of living in hell. i want to hang myself. tonight? tomorrow? im scared im not close to my family. im a terrible person. the world is better off without me.,-0.4404166666666676,1.7257469027777788,2.3194444444444464,89.12000000000002,100.80555555555556,5.177777777777779,21.277777777777786,6.816661863887847,0.9328527777777778,550,22,111,10,24,190,91,144,0.273,0.6659999999999999,0.061,-0.9876,3,4,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,3,1,6,0,12,2,0,0,2,14,21,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,4,3,7,7,0,1,1,3,17,3,17,18,2,21,1,2,2,0,3,10,1,0,13,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842383876154896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401464578171457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998474371478308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364098170383148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599582445050989,0.0,0.06757879608819127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639086450630861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430779270166601,0.0,0.4331033935200086,0.0,0.13262963303727768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894474883346376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888056397632936,0.06529593415456213,0.0,0.23603547868081576,0.11827839020840733,0.22446913088607895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455869184049252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564866462662661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056649518125888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265791966892367,0.2334006790176601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856213105133258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028047987968341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133809619405398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028923403105948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742493808970144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793393552324253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883179629864391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576727720482251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213585036049953
suicidewatch,Littlesuicidenerd,2019/04/08,"I (26, almost 27) am wasting away at a horrible job and seriously wanting to jump out my window Im constantly anxious, constantly worrying about if ill ever find a woman in my life. I know I'm tiny, and i fucking hate that about me but what can i do? I have run away from all responsibility and just spend too much time online. I cant stand myself. I spend 100% of my life being anxious and hating myself for not being able to make inroads in my life. I feel depressed that no woman wants to be with me. I have no friends because I'm always feeling sorry for myself and im just a pushover. I really hate myself lately. Everything i do is wrong for some reason. It's too hard to go outside. Idk. So just acknowledge i have a shitty life and keep living for no reason? Everyone is with their girlfriends or friends. I have nobody.",1.5955087014725569,3.9790288855421694,3.787389558232935,84.3346854082999,82.43373493975903,6.098527443105756,23.07764390896921,7.3871296695380915,1.1870157965194106,649,23,124,10,18,222,101,166,0.285,0.66,0.055,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,9,9,4,0,4,0,14,6,0,3,2,31,28,10,0,3,7,0,3,0,3,0,5,0,1,2,4,9,0,1,7,0,2,3,5,7,0,0,0,3,24,2,20,25,3,15,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,4,5,89,28,1,0.1267266010800907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689838536211145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544668395498516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863299758552377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381276265987147,0.0,0.0,0.07725135978463782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738928706355048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914943581597453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463146591177575,0.0,0.12109269808120747,0.11389369767237655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815355442882428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582581754124968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581731527110444,0.11715670065329935,0.0,0.0,0.07202164780948347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352214292656272,0.3753488468319947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737729511208505,0.0,0.12575659733665934,0.1126404257755823,0.0,0.0,0.0696456257666844,0.0,0.14295312584055553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580429843748322,0.0,0.0,0.1119019104926804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459099026914509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315863314347106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118430567198379,0.26059210439187697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418600546495175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389530019813098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949326538010904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869701485243545,0.0,0.0,0.13855564440595794,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PenelopeSugarRush,2019/04/08,"I've got three months to live I can't do it anymore, so I'm planning my death. Actually, I've already told this to some of my few trusted friends, back in January. I really hate New Years, they remind me that after all these years, I am still a failure. Nothing has ever changed. 

Except maybe when I was a child, when I got sick, sick in the head. I was not aware of depression back then but looking back, I was already fucking depressed and it's a miracle I'm still here. I can't count how many times I've thought about killing myself. I'd tried to be better, I swear. The decline of my will to live started in grade six, I no longer cared about my grades but deep inside, I knew I could have done better. Seventh to eighth grade I gained honors again and I thought I was getting better! But then I was bullied emotionally and physically on a daily basis. I was alone.  And I became destructive. I slowly pushed my friends away, I was such a chaos. Then the next grade, on the second semester, I, again, thought this is it! I was getting better! But after a few tries, I was down again. I barely made it to tenth grade. 

​

Then I graduated from college, and I was still a failure. I still am. I went to see a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with depression. But get this: that psychiatrist actually told me to get it together, actually told me that there are other people who had had it worse than me. I knew that, I was aware of that, but I did not need to feel guilty. I was already so down, why did they have to make feel worse? 

​

The pills did not work. I have run out of money. I can no longer get help from professionals. So now, I've planned my death. I won't say the method, I don't want you to do it. 

​

I'm just tired, you know? I am trapped in my own mind, I just want to be free. No amount of happiness can save me. I tried, I really tried. But I am determined to end my life. 

I just want this numbness to be erased.",1.100888641555855,3.3586971838790944,2.634375256282585,92.61962099466936,83.45843828715365,5.8088922734461965,22.078905746587786,7.1213741377187105,0.6237970710561771,1510,51,332,21,43,492,180,397,0.2,0.6509999999999999,0.149,-0.9667,0,2,1,0,0,2,75.0,0,2,3,9,27,20,4,0,14,0,41,9,1,3,2,43,75,23,3,5,14,0,2,0,2,2,7,1,0,1,19,8,0,0,8,0,2,3,10,8,0,4,30,5,62,13,39,39,6,42,0,3,2,1,14,11,1,1,28,231,81,9,0.0,0.0,0.22341242651653792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903760250762303,0.25264099596795125,0.0,0.0,0.24805640712792584,0.2781871730619009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568232456088944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169889244138568,0.17604073744549426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26997178109128633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780653335840908,0.0,0.08072939203835891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06092999013288365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718569668849326,0.0774564309402739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809503944629774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858422329281075,0.06759096581774941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902978257669445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717263256025023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179189901341721,0.07055045060423804,0.19935284501913775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206949433280345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123696655873353,0.0,0.07534362134961847,0.07831950043164616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05115122135224174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442940092152568,0.0,0.041939814394349295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390236696337692,0.0,0.0,0.13477214985929845,0.0,0.06408398329700746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220952489891172,0.05093974520678713,0.07736974613422785,0.07666700449181382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705471615003248,0.0,0.06091257773276761,0.0,0.0,0.05658537261879465,0.0,0.07370389666849701,0.08116009993666415,0.0,0.0,0.07322470528731495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052906059313895776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777655593255824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068742878575621,0.0,0.0,0.060811849478673415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054014972898359805,0.0,0.24377571886934324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817527965164146,0.044498920654494914,0.08771095504005301,0.0,0.21876199227717533,0.0,0.2072469866541294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350347505868664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074322819474274,0.068860917100854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555701841597032,0.0,0.1555396206065183,0.0,0.0,0.2781871730619009,0.09828657433450733
suicidewatch,unstable_kta,2019/04/08,"my parents are going to split I've been living with my mum and my stepdad since I was 3 years old. My stepdad has a son, he's 40 years old. He used to do hard drugs and he has like 5 children from different mothers, so, he's kind of irresponsible. He lives with us, he eats everything, he doesn't shower, etc. My mum hates him, he works with my parents and he lies to them all the time.

My stepdad doesn't notice (i think he does but he is his son and he stands everything) and my mum suffers a lot. Today they had an argument, they screamed and my dad left for a couple of hours. Yesterday I yelled at my stepbrother for being such an asshole, he left the house. My mum wants to leave too. I don't want to. I can't stand watching my mum sad, because she gets angry and makes me feel like absolute shit. I had panic attacks, I want to throw up and I can't sleep.

​

I'm thinking about killing myself. I used to think about how sad my mum will be, but If I'm dead I won't notice, is that selfish? I tried to kill myself before and I ended up in a mental hospital. I don't want to fail again, I really want to die.",2.3239662447257388,3.387466987341772,3.93402953586498,90.30880801687763,75.32911392405063,6.954430379746836,24.13713080168776,7.3871296695380915,0.8476902953586496,864,26,197,10,18,289,129,237,0.293,0.674,0.033,-0.997,4,0,1,0,0,3,36.0,1,0,3,2,7,15,5,1,8,0,20,4,2,4,1,30,37,14,4,6,3,12,2,2,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,12,1,0,4,0,0,2,7,12,0,0,4,5,37,3,24,29,3,20,0,4,1,0,33,6,1,2,12,110,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994019466800646,0.13450901783794525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593386172419546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747988704917146,0.0,0.09419502630732224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248416730459735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488604886907608,0.11565484428150545,0.0,0.0,0.09687172412483618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283734203572821,0.11327070565001952,0.0,0.0,0.09804471924563453,0.0,0.12345645906137855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989747203407232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055971748600382586,0.07908198622622309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783463362077657,0.0,0.06291167783748981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916280313537867,0.1092904075685348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901428443128837,0.12772951964275034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449397433304417,0.11527393079210213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172121800896985,0.2405453118531557,0.0,0.0,0.1081619627066696,0.0,0.1954950256327833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411066333531036,0.0,0.0,0.0738911325917476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155657830950087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205862342828483,0.2323158407419145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298791233476973,0.2458319216751169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091535724656964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136289189787344,0.0915697339313137,0.0,0.11077698230209017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127905770321616,0.0,0.0,0.06454833319097247,0.0,0.10492784877231694,0.0,0.0,0.07515602261031748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315490721779885,0.19121339839688134,0.0,0.0,0.3264599060322179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058876222313062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450901783794525,0.14257052654382124
suicidewatch,medusalove,2019/04/08,"Suicide by overdose Hi guys, english is not my first language sorry for the mistakes.
I live in Brazil, I am black, fat and not pretty.
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression a 19 years old, I have 25 now and very tired. I graduated in law school and don't have a job, I just go the gym and do nothing.
I don't feel like fight this anymore and really want to ended, so I am think about killing myself with control substance, I am sick of not have friends, good memory, and not be good in anything.

I hope you guys have a good day!",3.2372072072072093,4.895858306306309,4.528108108108106,84.56531531531532,74.04504504504506,7.816216216216216,28.54954954954956,8.515128840125781,2.06307927927928,436,18,89,8,9,144,76,111,0.304,0.628,0.068,-0.9831,1,0,0,0,1,2,15.0,0,1,0,2,4,10,2,0,5,0,13,4,1,1,0,21,18,8,2,3,5,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,3,1,9,1,1,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,1,2,13,6,10,16,0,10,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,1,7,57,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677306781790719,0.0,0.0,0.13917888613277388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896927318190065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907431507608924,0.0,0.14567069578738215,0.1716625350281115,0.0,0.0,0.1938366675040273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979823361884775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551678394722773,0.12082590412727127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438611752266143,0.0,0.0,0.1306687677747218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961199979617831,0.4255725398570422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349289133443568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798341539005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678345920612055,0.0,0.1871163545383288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262796345825743,0.0,0.14934414492887751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228398834952046,0.0,0.17747260052644726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767705697687947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720651565143049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834846928748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711677370703064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932624535111772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499984786215767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837113518337176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943890869890754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954926782485774,0.09975675925693203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089136325071602
suicidewatch,trollking8,2019/04/08,Im in a alot of pain This is my first time posting so please be nice . I have been depressed pretty much all my life I never thought I would make it to age 26 I'm 25 now and my birthday is the 15th I been stuck in the house for about 2 months but yesterday I went out and I broke my knee at a park and they have to do Surgery and I won't be able to walk for about 6 months I really just want to end it,-1.2471276595744671,0.3800593936170245,1.005787234042554,104.59400000000002,88.04255319148935,4.611063829787233,15.782978723404256,5.6839178017228535,-1.0902348936170214,309,6,87,2,10,103,65,94,0.107,0.802,0.09,-0.3622,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,11,3,1,1,2,14,17,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,0,13,1,13,8,3,16,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,9,57,16,0,0.2373019905276561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20438785671945725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017912864509602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184895191704624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738146362937877,0.0,0.0,0.25632687099589185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676134137632892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584009213573658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788243696922531,0.0,0.17444426735480734,0.0,0.1830219242986039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25250604895576784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604863251490384,0.0,0.0,0.22726971059662301,0.24142143597218235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202173159676166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883912735893961,0.13837269900873309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996686229578165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21998132264604625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857252554412294,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Depressed_in_Dallas,2019/04/08,"To My Wife I'm so fucking tired. Everything is A disappointment nothing seems like its worth it anymore, I know I won't actually send this but if I do kill myself I want you to know above everything else that I love you and im sorry for any pain I have already and ever will put you though. Im so sorry, all I've ever wanted was to make you happy but I don't know how to do that when I can't even make myself content let alone happy. I don't even know how to keep on living. I want to be better but I just don't see a point, I'm so sorry I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't know how to get it, I don't know if having you by my side is enough anymore its gotten so bad, its so much worse than its ever been and I can't handle it anymore. I'm just so fucking lost, no matter how positive I try to be I just don't know how to stop the negative from tinging everything I do and think. every day is another breakdown, every time I'm alone they only thing on my mind is planning my suicide, that's why I'm reading all the time, its the only thing that can completely take over my mind and make me stop thinking for a fucking second about how much I hate myself and everything else. At some point I'm going to break and I can see it coming and I don't know what to do to stop it everything I try nothing works and I can't talk about it because I feel selfish I know I'm not that only one feeling like shit and I know I'm the cause of the grief in the lives of those I'm in I'm a walking fucking poison that just infected every person I have the gull to get close to I'm such a selfish piece of shit that I know this and still stick around and I'm so fucking sorry, that's all I can say is that im sorry I don't know what else to do but say I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ever talked to you, I'm sorry we fell in love, I'm sorry I ever became a part of your life that will be missed once I'm gone, I'm sorry that I cause you so much pain and I'm sorry that I will probably never stop being a source of pain in your life no matter what I do or don't do.",0.5024358974358947,1.7472957820512849,3.1178717948717964,93.54796153846156,80.4957264957265,5.791111111111111,19.392307692307693,6.385866456164764,-0.10856769230769192,1598,36,390,13,40,561,165,468,0.262,0.653,0.085,-0.9981,0,2,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,9,1,4,32,27,10,0,14,0,43,17,2,11,9,82,107,37,3,6,13,1,2,2,0,4,8,2,0,1,32,17,0,5,18,1,1,7,19,20,0,2,5,6,56,7,38,93,10,36,0,4,2,7,21,13,7,5,17,250,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.04743145259761652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068020893615078,0.05363680799367472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033053055554076505,0.050966563205192314,0.0,0.0,0.14460924941699144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432687402198838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040583131037851966,0.029629146840672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298715811330742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986141394213284,0.0,0.04186888955424152,0.05096140051009559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03134619340374143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180968071764853,0.0,0.0,0.05022194094457473,0.0,0.06420626646861742,0.2198299515717329,0.12285538488538128,0.0,0.2184151257641042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049152280204662134,0.03472340996423666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246726204368736,0.050788195622728,0.0,0.02762333225723624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348181760300157,0.0,0.047987358540855285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032578895928594837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750516869303466,0.0,0.0,0.043202342648785634,0.053774212877430096,0.0,0.3472563618201212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970188877453408,0.06866227461166279,0.0474918796659508,0.0,0.08583818192928927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305808118525265,0.0,0.08773579064933297,0.0,0.09733261184280546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815435533678828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719076642453193,0.03603997943536257,0.03748715972068002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327558521153133,0.0,0.0,0.05176272119222353,0.03293599476449746,0.1108988406566449,0.1551573882296066,0.0,0.0,0.05263446067022212,0.0,0.0,0.042439996859603285,0.0,0.0,0.09189483995924654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524043930470929,0.0,0.0,0.048861433260453314,0.0,0.0,0.048618136754967976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730526757005826,0.0,0.0,0.07746375797160703,0.04424815155398769,0.0,0.0,0.09978463429597816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5985022971672492,0.0,0.0,0.03881600265354498,0.16254377056008668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053165963102354365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654489866937409,0.0781336893167315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458198267083194,0.062288221759105186,0.047754149562920414,0.0,0.05668391356501028,0.055864278515850435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599918663940038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600543583932392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385843763783365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035385006911425404,0.0,0.04953263068361522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ravas_wf,2019/04/08,"I guess i should post here about this... Throwaway account that has some mild links to the real me in the name. Just in case someone actually cares enough to try and help me


So yeah, im Pretty sure I have mild depression. I haven't been able to sustain motivation which was the only thing that kept my ADD from being a setback for me. Initaly I perceived my parents weren't the type to understand mental health. At least they didn't believe it'd be any help for me after we moved countries. This was a major issue as after we moved my life fell apart completely. While i was the type of kid who struggled to make friends but would immediately get attached to the one's I could make. Now changing countries with no idea of how to blend in the new environment fucked me up

Now 4 years after that move the last of my strained abilities to maintain any figment of my prior self has died. I'm no longer as athletic as I was. I lack most of my prior creative drive. My grades plummet and rise with illogical connections and I've grown about a foot. Basically I no longer reconise my prior self and have become a hollow shell of my past self. And that's the story without all the tragedies

Initially a few weeks after moving to the new country my grandmother died from a hear related infliction my family still hasn't told me the full story (even after 3 and 7/12th years) leaving my grandfather in our custody (very important later on) this was already a heavy blow on me and my uncle (my father's brother) who so far was the only other person close to me that I knew had depression. A year later that same uncle was shot and killed in a homicide case, he was leaving the bank and was shot by one or more people (3 years later and my family also hasn't told me the full story) 2 consecutive deaths in the progression of one year after moving countries hasn't been kind on my psyche. 

Now to the point of my grandfather. He wasn't all that sane of a man before my grandmother died but now he acts more like a rabid animal. Not the best veiw to have of your grandfather but it's true and I have plenty of experiences to explain why. Initally he became more ""suicidal"" in his eating habits, where he ate tones of sugar even though he's a type 1 diabetic. This progressed into him stealing food to horad in his room... After all that my parents realized he might be going insane as he allready was on heavy medication for some prior mental illness (he was a pharmacist in the past and self prescribed alot leading to some braindamage? I don't know the details as usual as my family loves keeping their secrets from the younger generation) this man now has de-evolved to the point where he's past shame and does whatever he likes alongside verbally and physical abusing people. So he's usually kept inside his room through bribery and sometimes baracading. But my father refuses to send him to any medical facility (although they tried to send him to a temple... That ended badly and tarnished our image there. Too bad I'm not religious anyways)

Now about the moving of countries. I was shifted from the United States to the shitshow mother nation of mine   ***INDIA*** where the people are shitty and my family here varies from isolated country side hillbillies and well mannered and posh city dwelers. I was the only one from a foreign and suburban environment and counfused as fuck. The people in school where nice originally and some still are but I was really bad at first impressions and kept to myself too much. Now I was lied to originally that I was in the nation for a year to 2 at max but the series of deaths and misfortunes had further propelled us to a point where we wherent sure how long it would last...

Now all these fuckups an I sit here with my fucked up brain wondering if I really should overdose on these prescription drugs. Haven't done it yet but every day I edge closer. Never was suicidal but I've been lied to alot about when I'm going to be leaving this forsaken life where I believed everything was temporary and disposable. I lack any personality anymore and all I've got left is some shallow amount of my prior self and a series of unfortunate events and issues trailing me. I've almost resorted to self harm but I couldn't handle the pain and decided to just shed whatever hurt me behind. 

So please. Can someone please help me make sense of this mess or at least help me plan my suicide in a way it'll hurt the least",5.053291004889887,6.5372223631022335,5.722876502027978,78.47956967135441,69.19976498237368,8.733565823888405,29.47198741518517,9.155717611787699,2.575771524961147,3545,134,639,69,62,1151,379,851,0.159,0.7559999999999999,0.085,-0.998,3,0,1,0,0,1,69.0,6,1,3,7,42,31,4,3,54,1,57,19,2,9,9,111,86,59,9,9,17,6,0,2,1,6,9,1,2,11,29,38,4,5,12,0,2,16,17,18,1,5,35,2,80,13,106,38,30,118,0,4,0,4,62,46,3,15,54,442,109,8,0.05411451325885256,0.06411684934104814,0.05280795882825602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418786820349592,0.0,0.059716711023760236,0.04327535670206925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719889872699726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366705614930035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555007461923899,0.0,0.059765228333020774,0.04604746506105135,0.12193705082666995,0.05678984306501041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060409693540923626,0.0,0.0,0.055173352810650986,0.0,0.057245979699471476,0.0,0.05673803758020742,0.0,0.0,0.0432060354991738,0.0,0.0,0.0348993842699751,0.0,0.09321750195015333,0.0,0.16848696354861945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735597522409149,0.05537793522151073,0.0,0.0,0.06275565515936475,0.055372656766851526,0.0,0.0,0.047929396708847175,0.0559147579176076,0.0,0.07148425128268504,0.0,0.04559381136040221,0.0,0.04863463519309874,0.05293437772813525,0.20405738812839885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046029777333568084,0.06543548423415127,0.0,0.04180873870693537,0.15008398655447905,0.028272599683582183,0.0,0.061509049908906675,0.0,0.04328031970796981,0.0,0.05961323727879615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752119708543781,0.060990989365754734,0.0,0.1450872702097028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158614113331721,0.061088698628052114,0.0584529604166586,0.11296298490062633,0.0,0.04809946579616086,0.05986969118875144,0.056351938193436764,0.029739921270281963,0.08822110174767414,0.0,0.17189836806671674,0.05879557699267216,0.0,0.0764453621420252,0.05287523549725833,0.0,0.0,0.047889641349661234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488404609877717,0.0,0.10836557341909832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902935794551297,0.10906940299113996,0.05740694692202315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450909814338757,0.03978039374095504,0.0,0.04173644867914937,0.10452826822855116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667757871523746,0.12346957748014906,0.057581657464288685,0.0,0.12017552590614973,0.0,0.15497527827114538,0.15006475936413494,0.09450141136710058,0.0,0.11880297054975275,0.15346711915821415,0.0,0.051826745068888125,0.05505391450294349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159416326323565,0.06933428574985277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476677645393899,0.0,0.0,0.3387194355947604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170210295198554,0.0,0.05352063731752632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643184038217222,0.0,0.0,0.05657223877865221,0.0,0.17757748309281962,0.0,0.10200457665501997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03595127805657606,0.0,0.05316723452243173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341747289070496,0.0,0.07348040466563696,0.0,0.0,0.0563351167532769,0.06509309650612093,0.0,0.11919898222755755,0.04465014076885093,0.0,0.04295358180161787,0.043407398399130326,0.0,0.04865544631148822,0.0,0.048829931242011744,0.0,0.0,0.05216445970062495,0.05868488125863833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768827951957071,0.0,0.0,0.20908783394814887
suicidewatch,toeheadpotato,2019/04/08,"I don’t know how to feel better Is it harder for atheists to commit suicide? I’m not even atheist really and not sure what I believe in, but I’m sick of having “I want to die” on an endless loop in my head. Feeling too scared to actually kill myself makes me feel even worse. Not knowing if whatever lies ahead after death could be worse or not throws me off. I want to live a happy life and I try to redirect my thoughts but it’s like I have two brains at the exact same time saying opposite things. I feel worthless and want to feel loved by boyfriend so bad it’s consumed me. I’ve never been in a relationship where their opinion and feelings mattered so much to me that it’s debilitating. I think maybe I have pmdd, because it gets so intense and depressing for 2-3 weeks out of the month. Without health insurance I don’t feel like putting more stress on myself or boyfriend finically. Feeling like he’ll never love me as much as I love him or the fear of him breaking up with me(which he has done out of impulse a couple of times) has taken over my mind. I can never be happy, I constantly feel not good enough and compare myself to everyone and make up this extreme and mean scenarios in my head of him leaving me for some one else. He is not the easiest to talk to anymore and doesn’t take any type of criticism well. I don’t want a relationship like this, but I want him and I want us to be good to each other idk why it’s so hard. It’s starting to feel impossible, his life and mental health comes first and I feel like when I try and express how I feel he gets so defensive even when I’m not accusing him of anything. I want to feel better, but I don’t want to lose my relationship. I know I can’t force some one to like me, but how do I move on from trying? I feel so alone and worthless and in turn it’s made him feel unappreciated. I don’t know what’s real anymore and I feel like I’m wasting away and less people will love me as I age. I want to feel secure and safe with myself and my relationship. I’m not ready to let go, when I feel like if we could just communicate and be more supportive of each other mentally our relationship would be great. When my thoughts have simmered down, I genuinely like who I am but it makes me so sad feeling like the one person I want to spend my life with doesn’t always see me for who I am or can be. I hate the person come off as because I can’t snap out of my depressing and intrusive thoughts. ",4.141256772042624,4.5758800667976445,5.262389712448654,84.80611299636841,70.53241650294694,8.448675358695004,28.39084360302435,8.484438967287268,1.7899254747871645,1930,66,420,29,33,640,219,509,0.215,0.62,0.165,-0.9938,0,1,0,0,0,5,34.0,3,0,1,5,21,39,3,3,11,0,35,13,3,7,6,117,99,51,4,15,22,0,20,10,0,3,6,1,0,2,19,32,0,3,28,0,1,6,21,13,1,5,7,22,70,26,65,80,11,44,0,6,1,4,31,20,0,9,27,281,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.052274800648993015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554804624695462,0.0,0.0,0.04457300360655817,0.0,0.0,0.03642818837085892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625044875326188,0.0,0.0,0.04408203457210927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503290533239374,0.0,0.04472717929836875,0.06530931100236645,0.0,0.0,0.06035297675887095,0.0,0.09475337556719944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059799786948569564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922884598711474,0.0,0.0578881547183531,0.0,0.0855396399583663,0.059272154453465786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922763621159699,0.0,0.055595296787886994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481883012127255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044749327207354236,0.0,0.0,0.05535023296366575,0.0,0.1061438010934466,0.0,0.0,0.051186676203167095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602790772041136,0.5146277908443627,0.2296146418874309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556505283333013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597430936858086,0.0,0.03044402201336935,0.08986086868100437,0.0,0.05905908979292712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404861309822492,0.04798655297922881,0.05288747158296008,0.10995278111864454,0.11388090649410933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059265236552452284,0.0,0.1177586477657143,0.0,0.0,0.05672095091953399,0.0,0.05477707692422122,0.11351033504753295,0.2617069904062243,0.0,0.04730167012269698,0.0,0.0,0.059929073179105015,0.0,0.0,0.1933894373796233,0.050687491889843735,0.10727149606597018,0.0,0.05381642067078594,0.0583514345136411,0.0,0.0,0.10796821965434064,0.0,0.05408857495457423,0.0,0.04275759734109074,0.056934480649309324,0.0787575281714614,0.0,0.12394521107670957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889752260572136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713741997542347,0.09354730896397362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385080032827469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609722980620932,0.03431713747449881,0.0,0.0,0.28756080342172224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259955398820033,0.05363107708834625,0.0,0.04268689112096776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791582211001369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061362150739719276,0.0,0.0,0.05859487682287326,0.06078851756264544,0.050487360506281775,0.0,0.040276592599552366,0.043056061002944485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035588307807845936,0.034324316428389484,0.0,0.12758141550272165,0.062472054287550184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910780090921277,0.058266779818907675,0.052328312354770194,0.0,0.0644359054768546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159589096129531,0.0,0.04296914988488097,0.0,0.048164212608420284,0.0,0.048336935909259006,0.0,0.0,0.051637798398553515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918107090552376,0.03805328667657645,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nossih,2019/04/08,"I need guidance (Sorry for possible bad english)

I have mental issues and i have been considering ending my life. Roots of my problems can be traced to 3 years ago when i left my girlfriend of 4 years. I have no idea why i left her and i am still hopelessly in love with her but i know she has moved on. I have talked to her about my feelings and i know she will never take me back. My whole life has been hell on earth after i left her. I have been used and tormented and i have lost friends and i have not found anyone to share my deepest feelings with. Some times the only reason why i would not off myself is because my family has had to go through enough shit. I have talkked to the girl and we have decided to meet two weeks from now. I fear that if i have to take anymore i will kill myself.

TLDR: Still in love with my ex and i want to die.",0.9255680399500648,2.9428528426966314,2.3205992509363327,96.03822721598007,82.37078651685394,5.303870162297129,19.4394506866417,6.42735559955562,-0.10461148564294652,658,17,151,6,18,212,102,178,0.195,0.7190000000000001,0.086,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,1,0,0,1,6,12,3,1,2,0,24,5,1,3,1,32,38,11,2,5,4,1,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,12,0,0,8,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,6,2,38,4,23,28,3,23,1,2,0,2,16,8,2,2,13,111,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158092901266159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956516010769215,0.09135032162397637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045827065054937,0.1090834761633078,0.07964024091978145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558932906316035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571307248847178,0.13499165189578075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316088332878565,0.1470124292318369,0.13211650873060082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432459696115028,0.10093633437606336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424880803363587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748278714030622,0.0,0.13635988514234226,0.0,0.0,0.1445398104730921,0.0,0.14359862222569386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258399226605811,0.0,0.18455746031359554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261491871694432,0.0,0.2358252008461109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165986431306867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885541543653193,0.0,0.09687193021151284,0.10076180889066637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936173587349616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728309137664045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501003151562112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432525999166275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410565545740413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624686168213707,0.0,0.0,0.208667216744003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645820718825285,0.1050078470803974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618040028065654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762160062317818,0.0,0.0,0.11283570395072826,0.0,0.0,0.07705805893868721,0.0,0.10479588274407373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23577435817676495,0.14586095587666342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928067643709255,0.0,0.0,0.16826274581248624
suicidewatch,st4mrr,2019/04/08,"I miss those days I'm a teenager who has been struggling with my own self defeating thoughts, insecurities, and anxiety. I've been having suicidal thoughts since last summer but lately they've been all I think about, even though I'm surrounded by a loving family and amazing friends I still feel alone. I'm tired and exhausted of trying to get better, its brought nothing but pain and heartbreak to me and at this point it doesn't seem like things will get better.",7.68,7.9781319425287425,6.793701149425285,77.34641379310345,62.9080459770115,10.178390804597699,34.64137931034483,9.888512548439397,3.2715213793103453,377,15,68,7,5,115,66,87,0.25,0.521,0.229,0.5629,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,13,0,2,2,0,7,4,0,0,1,14,20,8,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,6,1,5,6,7,13,2,9,0,3,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202893159479018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498628454902425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34651498715757423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633919386001238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293900002773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467693955492787,0.0,0.09905284794001908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135173456577086,0.0,0.20469916745342984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968452036319022,0.22098355834990574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957067691539346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680725886774684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879711850600526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845124741700166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851886742803086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833986172174934,0.20436626286735984,0.0,0.0,0.16205037644552742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644586954955886,0.0,0.0,0.2047970527749414,0.0,0.2142826349798789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301471525333651,0.12552471081033634,0.1924706034171828,0.3110451899634798,0.0,0.22515805419682447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300313578814166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Murmaider13,2019/04/08,"Gonna yeet I like dark humor. It helps us cope with the darkness that is constantly at the periphery of our lives. We think to ourselves ""that won't happen to me"" ""I have made good choices in my life and I think I am okay"". The reality is that you could get a call in 2 minutes from now explaining that your mother died on her way to work. I made bad decisions. I own up to them. I am so abused by my partner that I want to just go. How do we do this to one another?",1.4840841584158433,2.580668435643563,3.587215346534656,91.83052599009899,77.51485148514851,7.4262376237623755,23.51608910891089,8.07648339933343,0.9812465346534652,356,11,87,6,8,122,75,101,0.126,0.7659999999999999,0.108,-0.6048,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,4,2,1,1,4,5,0,0,4,1,9,1,0,3,0,14,19,3,1,2,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,19,4,15,14,1,9,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,3,61,26,1,0.0,0.26619638757619657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23558535499288996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758948477226936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294124793771297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427877028773267,0.0,0.17938015809528798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317126730997506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738043869131992,0.0,0.12768474322483978,0.18844195320934265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986743239429768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059109894685851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869057399342093,0.10976207366914227,0.0,0.19838711196143308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251750562933957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224173518232464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879180370847467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702495104509899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251577674531234,0.17833203637673342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635619294377839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kushmastac,2019/04/08,Life man I always dismiss from my mind that the normal person isn’t thinking about death every waking second of their life. I spend all day devising my own death. I have no aspirations for the future. The future doesn’t excite me one bit. I think I need help ,2.6947058823529417,5.048468666666672,3.8899607843137254,85.34082352941176,78.01960784313725,5.648627450980393,18.04313725490196,6.742157984588678,0.17004784313725452,206,4,38,2,5,67,40,51,0.182,0.7120000000000001,0.106,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,0,1,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,9,1,4,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25263169105896083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314685363115899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580631648763294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558084173649153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035064840201839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42890397887251264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30656422166113445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512639824030733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29747787018700683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573712832137572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26510458063573866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38908798609528994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UltimateDragons101,2019/04/08,"Didn't think I would be back here. Now this is going to be quite a long post because I feel like it needs some background info.  
I've had emotional troubles most of my life (at least the parts I can remember) and have been suicidal in the past but it's been quite long since I've felt that way.  
I have a very hard time connecting with people that are around me on a day to day basis. I would say I have a lot of friends but very few good friends and no one I feel a deep emotional connection too. At least not in my direct surrounding.

Now for this story to make sense I need to go in to some backstory. I went on an exchange year after my high school graduation. This put me in to contact with some of the people I would say I've felt the most connected too as well as my first real girlfriend, we broke up because of the distance after the exchange. This exchange put me in a position to become a volunteer for the organisation and eventually head of my local chapter. Through the organisation I was able to go to a summer camp where I met the second group of people I've felt truly connected too but again I can't see them often and they're also leading their own lives 300 kilometers away. Through the organisation I also met a girl that seemed to be really into me and I was really into her, problem being that at the time we met she was returning from her year abroad and I was head of the return camp. So it was extremely inappropriate, I told her I was willing to wait she told me she wasn't so I tried to move on (this was still summer 2018). After a very emotionally tough first semester (the girl I was dating, probably a rebound tbh cheated on my with 4 of my friends while non of us knew). I tried to rekindle what was there but she shut it down, also telling me that I only wanted sex (we hadn't had sex and the two times she stayed at my place were her idea). So I told her in not so polite words to get the fuck out of my place. Being that I'm still chapter head of an organisation she's a volunteer for I still see her from time to time of course.  Since then I've been feeling kinda horrible (it's been 3 months) I've felt emotionally really flat and I have had a terrible time getting out of bed in the morning/doing my work on time, also every time I drank I was fine till I was alone and then I just felt really sad.   
Two nights ago we were watching a show some of our volunteer group watch together every week and she was there, after we left she stayed with one of the other volunteers. Something just kinda snapped in me and I went straight back into suicidal. I live on the third floor and ever since then my mind just constantly berates me with the question why I don't just walk out of the window fall head first and be done with it? I can't sleep wel because of the droning.  
Its not even that I necessarily need an S/O I've just never found a person that's I can see often enough that I can truly connect with, that I don't feel like I have to hide my feelings for, that I can just be around and have a laugh but also can tell when I feel like shit. I've a really argumentative personality as well so I feel it's just my fault.  
Part of it is that I might be just overworked but doing a lot of things is the only way I feel that I truly matter to people.",3.1331207704320683,4.339586042772865,4.631874023945862,85.53262103071319,73.52802359882007,7.795523165018221,24.356064549713693,8.313332769828598,1.309236647579386,2579,75,554,42,51,864,268,678,0.094,0.821,0.085,-0.8813,0,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,7,0,2,7,42,21,3,0,43,0,58,11,6,2,2,102,100,39,2,8,17,0,14,3,4,5,1,2,2,4,30,34,1,1,21,1,3,11,12,10,2,9,41,21,88,11,88,46,15,104,0,2,5,3,45,40,2,15,51,400,118,4,0.05635311201358629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04995363364783099,0.0,0.0,0.05836482883671525,0.0,0.22532781658723175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033243449128526,0.0,0.0,0.0529456037677753,0.08666412933687216,0.0,0.10305700209842088,0.062237584779852376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060897694276873325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268619054424809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766879897249012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535586643750848,0.0,0.05822782884641463,0.0,0.037220699006116464,0.050974616092838335,0.09495985472247596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279506132450465,0.12077602344717073,0.2705391244055732,0.0,0.0,0.14380178487226766,0.0,0.06178827864049565,0.13061482365527502,0.052097543994611265,0.058884350276348564,0.0,0.0960803166458912,0.04726631670170598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050481319484926894,0.0,0.23133820319659626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954015684289925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361580413896957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122782108974191,0.0,0.03980386957471139,0.08259385207260386,0.0,0.0995216606897386,0.09974146160601192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581880125519016,0.0,0.0,0.037616139858155095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978174643796785,0.05690057866728144,0.0,0.044980516369195374,0.05989443977378936,0.0,0.12535535553115398,0.0434629940440357,0.0,0.0,0.05288357816025005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637265426081616,0.08571816210962928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204985748007464,0.053795421904504086,0.1562726094067853,0.09841072753880917,0.11775401581142185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397070387007232,0.0,0.060758185999101565,0.053922317542985744,0.0,0.1133008848152664,0.06312838247076771,0.11987694253623435,0.0,0.06414217873776068,0.18050623279903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383709052873929,0.0,0.0,0.08962851304300094,0.0,0.05703235790681312,0.13471840263846102,0.05130175670229918,0.0,0.0,0.05784565966596664,0.1398476297838899,0.0,0.056393809557131885,0.0,0.0,0.043383378792013816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012983877268828,0.13501100414499712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328231612534299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851020752766113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037438503598152414,0.036108798739373456,0.0,0.0,0.2628796223587553,0.0,0.0,0.1615434404656279,0.0,0.07652012788360228,0.0,0.11009760401967736,0.0,0.06778585517667086,0.0,0.0,0.13949165755960113,0.03323852552439985,0.08946095458986075,0.045203067289982406,0.0,0.10133643087379283,0.10447979882852904,0.050849918426396495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041025736708215625,0.0,0.0,0.1200949017740411,0.0,0.0,0.07257911305479361
suicidewatch,PNM_Jennings,2019/04/08,"I can't do this I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. I don't want to go to sleep because I dread tomorrow, but being awake just... hurts. Everything I loved is just a reminder of how little I feel. I have regular panic attacks. I can barely function at work, at home, in my relationships.

I'm trying to hold onto the good things, but I just can't find anything worthwhile in them. I don't even care what my death would do to the people around me. The only thing that draws me is the ides of jumping off this bridge near my house.

I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I wish God would let me die. ",0.7508112980769219,2.7383794296875053,2.6312500000000014,93.73490384615386,82.828125,5.500961538461539,20.002403846153847,6.67199483983844,0.13643317307692282,469,13,106,5,13,156,79,128,0.235,0.635,0.131,-0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,1,2,5,0,17,5,3,1,1,18,27,4,2,6,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,0,1,20,3,16,22,0,15,0,1,0,1,3,10,0,0,2,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493779142529627,0.0,0.0,0.1368614158184258,0.1480538169943085,0.0,0.1892050300878648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138285195625986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956717232264426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278738546141738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17260662093055748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984815801575026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947138693817236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409284233019856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200705521862462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903900404784266,0.13949544109900447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682548422370608,0.0,0.0,0.19190285500847093,0.17804149014199588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006629514752505,0.0,0.0,0.1666893028956839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501039621980724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827082685368918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648851939469122,0.0,0.19513245368910384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530048299757376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855790492520268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33286618837136656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209819143078031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129155997011511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980957075366807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825034497628541,0.0,0.0,0.12107783381220401,0.0,0.0,0.23628794549314264,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hashiyama_777,2019/04/08,"4/8/19  

I’m sorry

I wanted to be the perfect son. I wanted to be the dream child.

Get married, have a wife, have kids and have a nice house.

I still could’ve had all of that with the exception of one thing, I would’ve had a husband

I’ve always wanted 3 kids, a pair of twins and one older child. I was going to work hard towards my future so that way my kids wouldn’t have to “struggle”.

I wouldn’t have spoiled them, just make sure that they have what they need.

I fell into a deep depression because of my sexuality, I almost attempted suicide twice.

I need help, I need love but no one gave me that.

I wanted to tell you what was wrong. I wanted to open up so bad.

But all you would’ve done was tell me that my decisions are dumb, you wouldn’t be able to relate and you possibly would’ve made it worse.

I cried myself to sleep so many nights, I longed for that day of acceptance.

I no longer care for your acceptance of my sexuality, you have your beliefs and I will respect them.

I don’t want to do this, I love you guys too much. It’s honestly sad

I’m always putting you guys above myself, but when will I be able to put myself first?

When will you guys let me be, if you guys don’t agree with it then I won’t hate you

I just ask that you respect. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of having to fake smile.

I know you guys see it, I know you know that I’m depressed but you are too scared to help me.

You’d rather see me hate myself then for you to just lie to me and tell me you don’t care.

Would you rather see me dead? Honestly it feels that way sometimes.

As I’m writing this, you finished telling me about how the “gay” life is wrong and bad for you.

Maybe it is, but why is it you get to decide how I get to live MY life. It’s funny because you once asked me if I needed to go to the doctor for help and even though I knew the answer, I said no.

You wanted me to tell you all my problems but I won’t. I never will.

I’m not doing this because I hate you, but instead because I love you guys.

I’d rather live no life then live a life where everyone hates me.

As I’m writing this, a song came on. It was, when I’m gone by 3 Doors Down. The first verse perfectly describe what I’m feeling and if it ever comes to it,

These are my last words.

There's another world inside of me that you may never see  
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide  
But somewhere in this darkness  
There's a light that I can't find  
maybe it's too far away,  
Or maybe I'm just blind",0.40158511686848897,2.2150723414179083,2.09146437623205,98.08054210081669,83.04850746268656,5.0900591382709095,17.9490284426922,6.065201188426455,-0.5053030413967896,1909,42,466,14,53,624,210,536,0.191,0.669,0.14,-0.9882,0,1,0,0,0,1,56.0,0,29,4,6,28,31,5,2,15,0,47,14,1,4,9,83,102,34,2,22,21,3,3,0,0,11,9,2,1,11,35,14,0,0,14,2,0,8,17,16,0,6,13,11,91,15,49,70,4,42,1,3,5,4,65,13,1,6,19,303,126,2,0.12608518259052096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312804869875807,0.0652931119311349,0.0,0.0,0.10491297238869922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610565375787571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787262547360056,0.0,0.0592305897571005,0.0,0.1052758608814898,0.15372071405365456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07210392970382666,0.12855224678795654,0.0,0.0,0.05430561022834392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033437932692375,0.0,0.06924932628581351,0.0406572560019906,0.0,0.1085969830107878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645267635340212,0.0,0.06451445881524201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163903698168059,0.05702563308302917,0.0,0.060239897613519035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375245675361646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057619786331029314,0.10724799190085174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988114558943208,0.0,0.07165711490036608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745324615463523,0.0,0.0,0.05647377897366958,0.24896602862432302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267683601932659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274268609440035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393967840903927,0.05138812608821144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446532086564305,0.22264423311381645,0.0,0.0,0.1670032893225882,0.055790709461650906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706951999732073,0.0596524241896632,0.04208141922333053,0.06391529264742568,0.1900042693688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634355837553999,0.18698113054264745,0.09724466571875874,0.0,0.0,0.05916120130834701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713830224185062,0.12815787425026515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107104936200435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032324578163732,0.0,0.12675043346458228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599679409299368,0.0,0.06311663175552759,0.0,0.20094713244204968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063088119900741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235073478589801,0.07057101958207468,0.0,0.0,0.050345894843830036,0.0,0.0,0.06590580443587417,0.0,0.06895836265040095,0.0,0.05941689621736095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755100175337419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188269638907308,0.0,0.06193902586287438,0.0,0.0,0.14491636950816092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602890760621419,0.10008054915818536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688613299616493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589575729658815,0.0,0.06424578640912193,0.17913459230337908,0.13785435397917478,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OkAssist2,2019/04/08,"Feeling kind of lost I've wanted to kill myself for a while now. I've been getting help but I just kind of feel it's all gone to waste, right. All that effort and time and money spent on this and i feel terrible for complaining about this in the first place since i know a lot of people are unable to . get help in the first place. But I feel like i've made no progress and, additionally, it feels like it's getting harder to tell them how I feel. 

​

And i know that getting help and making progress isn't instant.  But I feel like a failure. i don't know what to do and I don't see anything in my future worth staying around for. I don't know what to do anymore

​

I feel so bad for the people who have tried to help me so far. i feel like their time would have been better spent dedicated to helping other people who actually deserve help. also they've already wasted so much time on me. I don't  know why I'm still around. ",1.8846666666666683,3.811496261538462,3.0370512820512836,92.58378205128206,78.69230769230771,5.35897435897436,21.602564102564106,6.139981653823899,0.12941025641025616,741,21,161,5,18,238,97,195,0.14400000000000002,0.631,0.225,0.9465,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,7,11,12,1,0,6,0,13,0,0,3,2,36,40,16,1,2,4,0,9,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,0,14,0,4,1,6,5,0,2,7,10,19,7,23,32,4,22,0,1,1,0,12,11,0,1,13,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.09016766137234626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196410346728968,0.07389109133284294,0.0,0.20022759224179504,0.22454871655869127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163453867737034,0.0,0.0,0.07603613818809613,0.1645086077903738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714893422923494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171901352047113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42047537267030977,0.2640381856241761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718832796229598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309772624812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715968238495904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222531151281312,0.1924377534540278,0.2538991479542081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805650676560074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086393807004604,0.07855394755722292,0.0,0.08742974717829016,0.06167675318444087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792356969824379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192172572655297,0.0,0.19307364862700765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789078614140417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362968573478013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643303980804474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848456598695186,0.07378960566071327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080760410009407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163502202690375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273255388398936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544990619110191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833753245298474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563728267846503,0.0,0.22454871655869127,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1411293,2019/04/08,"I am stuck and the only way out seems killing myself I suck at my job, and am a pain in the ass to all my co-workers who have to teach me how to do my job everyday. The only reason i haven't been fired yet is probably because the laws here are pretty strict. I have no friends whatsoever and severe social anxiety. My self esteem is non-existent. So much so that of a random stranger calls me pathetic and useless, I'd believe them. Nobody other than a few family members gives a rats ass about me. If I go forever tomorrow no-one will bat an eye.  I tried living for my family, but every second feels so painful and I don't think I can take it anymore.

If I'm dead, atleast that would be a good enough apology for being so useless. ",3.961854304635761,4.513116344370864,5.615556291390732,81.69657947019869,70.98675496688743,8.953907284768214,29.00728476821192,9.120678840339163,2.307733245033113,572,21,118,11,10,196,105,151,0.229,0.701,0.07,-0.9729,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,8,2,0,10,0,16,5,3,2,1,18,25,13,2,3,3,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,2,3,18,2,11,19,4,8,0,2,1,2,8,3,3,4,3,81,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697438407068365,0.0,0.164607739234664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117997769626427,0.0,0.0,0.1870028254361603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948432238217884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150189615516864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984546106364715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129426853645669,0.0,0.08392456660280015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823587602151604,0.0,0.0,0.15922331378459592,0.09433036181274904,0.13921630085152034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32941943673622104,0.0,0.18363247814155229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656354062094187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201453087619665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524708138356554,0.3532292298728945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886151491404566,0.17895470795037136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065526991174046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110212289973096,0.17315352759733887,0.1875103600219472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919589203705535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479643953850834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063533979263118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268964759693124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174734184646905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083554850001807,0.0,0.0,0.11790755829795982,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ozzi_life,2019/04/08,"my parents are working really hard to stop me from killing my self but i still want to. i come from a pretty well off family, pretty good money and i have everything i want, but i just feel so empty all the time and i just wanna end it all. im on my laptop 6-10 hours a day just watching youtube and shit like that. what im trying to say is that my life is good but i want to kill my self all the time, what is causing this? please help me.",-0.16783505154639045,1.6375139175257765,2.061041237113404,97.56269587628869,85.08247422680412,5.1171134020618565,16.916494845360827,6.2581,-0.51676824742268,338,7,83,3,10,114,59,97,0.166,0.5579999999999999,0.275,0.9054,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,4,0,5,2,1,1,3,20,10,7,2,4,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,4,14,4,9,10,3,10,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,8,53,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605490264615993,0.0,0.13462676306299715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079169992854208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384232264232329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404600012022051,0.0,0.14733276433571801,0.0,0.07902302224359731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26217097768113984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000177935929134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475537683775657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391047160218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376319307340607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458151526359533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038959802761633,0.07635356584894927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353738180859915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155536707522895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31799859777160755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012097161942188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428509630274535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260812802916592,0.0,0.16042558641648488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481039855431472,0.13066230033525056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822635346254836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610810265868348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765450327472918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052010507061902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377824900933853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thefrienddude1,2019/04/08,"Struggling to cope, don't know if I can make it to my birthday in July I won't go into all the different reasons why I feel like suicide is my option. I'm a 23 year old gay guy who came out 5 months ago. I feel like a failure and burden. That isn't to say an insult against my friends/ cousins...I just feel like their lives would be better off without me. They'll get over my death because their strong, and always have the good memories with me. 
I love my cousins/ friends so much. I try to always express that. I love that they encourage me. I want to fully confide in some of them, but it shouldn't be their burden and I fear that it would mess up the relationship. And...I'm starting to not see the point everything will fall no matter what. 
I'm trying to give everyone positive memories. I'm trying to keep working. I'm so excited that it seems I might be able to visit a friend working back in our home region this summer. 
I've had therapy, but it's no replacement for trusted people talking to me. A medication made me sick to my stomach, and a life on pills is not a life I want. I hope they forgive, and remember me for the good times. I'm trying to battle this, but I don't know. ",2.5260975609756144,4.022431081300817,4.1248861788617885,87.39684146341465,75.58536585365854,7.033821138211382,26.121138211382114,7.7348632917899725,1.3913567479674802,930,34,196,13,20,311,142,246,0.154,0.665,0.181,0.488,1,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,1,0,7,4,4,24,2,2,12,0,18,9,1,3,1,40,43,11,2,7,8,1,3,3,3,7,5,1,1,1,14,9,0,1,9,0,0,4,10,7,0,0,3,5,33,17,27,30,3,22,0,0,1,3,25,10,0,6,11,123,47,2,0.11600681213472555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283303950691698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930539216161069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920207785843519,0.0,0.07071667594102697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025985981395711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132680888514748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212024278894459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084948035744813,0.10425944258426376,0.0,0.0,0.13053991546513147,0.17596958949005026,0.24862586930491504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688797258638479,0.0,0.06060877133579461,0.11128430485488684,0.06592934471419927,0.19460202022537054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148649825784008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636429118844005,0.1152209398082046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311218481639182,0.0,0.0,0.12750862021802398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638780842795484,0.17002520603582386,0.0,0.1024361404582852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094013543198582,0.1097684505692498,0.07743544790758848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686465869011366,0.0,0.1230648952704358,0.0,0.0,0.0925955306763922,0.0,0.08527835483390311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172963488914815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042451691437025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966393418270942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192743237817754,0.0,0.1245479018952042,0.1314131039721375,0.0,0.0,0.0922532731820334,0.0,0.0,0.09244240981877756,0.10560824485629462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082110218712744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127550782252194,0.0,0.12689262380787872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932418813339491,0.0,0.0,0.13266389976998572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764450505782943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150440422093489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684764685984716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467810424622,0.0,0.0,0.1118264271851306,0.0,0.1689086817370889,0.0,0.0,0.16481582188493454,0.0,0.0,0.07470458358202589
suicidewatch,Thathoovyoverthere,2019/04/08,"I cant take it anymore Im 15 now (my sister 12)
We are living in the uk
I cant take it anymore a few years a go i commited an atrocious act that could fuck me up for my entire life
So me andy sister she was 10 and i was 13 were playing truth or dare and i dont know what i was thinking and dared her to pee on my face- naked
I don't know what i was thinking but i camt deal with the multiple years in prison for this.
If it ever got out i would be dead
I cant deal with it anymore and i want to kill my self
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suicidewatch,Throwaway_NinetyFour,2019/04/08,"Bleak. (Help.) ***Posted this on*** r/depression ***earlier, but I'm desperate.*** 

​

I've lurked for years, but this is my first time posting.

Some events from my past recently came back into my life. Even though I am no longer the same person I was back then, I have lost all friends. I've lost my girlfriend of almost 3 years. My image is tainted, so I can no longer do what I enjoy making without backlash: music. My peers have also jumped ship, so here I am. Alone. Trying to find some sort of connection amongst strangers on the internet.

I dunno, maybe I'll find what I'm looking for here. Maybe I won't.

For the past week, I've felt nothing but emptiness. I can no longer eat or sleep.

Yesterday I made the conscious decision to purchase supplies to end it or whatever.

Last night I had it all laid out, but failed to go through with it.

It feels selfish to leave that type of pain with my mother, father & siblings.

I need guidance. I need peace. I need something.

​

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suicidewatch,ijbgtrdzaq,2019/04/08,"I feel so hopeless and alone. I feel like my mind is a prison in which I am trapped. Life feels awful. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. Yet another among thousands of posts expressing ambiguous, despairing feelings, into the void. But it feels good to get it out there.",0.9103896103896076,3.418414272727276,2.063376623376626,94.2636363636364,88.0909090909091,6.051948051948052,22.402597402597397,7.447530270364453,0.997623376623376,215,8,46,4,7,68,45,55,0.329,0.59,0.08199999999999999,-0.9464,0,2,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,12,12,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,5,5,2,7,12,0,6,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765127566645972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799538268444709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6749704157031052,0.1907319404967676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948703648963906,0.0,0.0,0.2239317717376548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672628374658225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857722915307984,0.13043388273005554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695756361612633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255694883437308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26729548220205096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,antarcticaisapancake,2019/04/08,I want to talk to a teacher thats depressed and taking pills. Shes pregnant and on leave this thursday so im going wednesday How do is start talking to her?,0.5359090909090902,2.885021909090913,2.288106060606061,93.3521590909091,87.4848484848485,3.3000000000000003,26.431818181818183,3.1291,0.3853090909090913,125,6,25,0,4,41,28,33,0.146,0.812,0.042,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,7,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,7,0,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176708527098936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961334433083514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983973264786045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905353967569552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261058222597619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731261228674864,0.5928996462147021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21754419861479174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Punyapanji,2019/04/08,"i just want to talk (i'm sorry my english isn't good) i don't know if you can understand what i'm trying to say but here it is, in scale 1 to 10 i would say i'm 4 in term of having suicidal thought. i have been suicidal for 3 to 4 years, there is only 1 one thing that keeping me from killing myself.

sometimes i feel lonely but lately i don't really care, i only have 3 months left before i get drop out of college, my family keep pressuring me if i don't graduate (i guess that's a good thing). i know it's my fault that i'm not good at college. i don't know what to do if i dropped out of college, i guess just get a job right :) ? i just don't want to burden or make them embarrassed of me. thank you for reading this, i hope you guys have a great day

i'm sorry if you are having a hard time by reading this, i wish i could tell you more about me.",-0.04632926119837322,1.4823992041884857,2.572417102966842,95.51917248400237,83.13612565445027,5.9198371146015125,19.511634671320536,6.937597516519254,0.07341861547411277,652,17,163,8,18,227,97,191,0.204,0.627,0.16899999999999998,-0.8078,1,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,5,1,0,6,13,1,2,4,0,19,0,0,1,0,30,43,7,3,10,11,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,11,2,0,2,6,2,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,4,32,7,20,39,2,15,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,8,6,101,43,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700390945276472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821041159440422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040106885877237,0.0,0.0,0.08109828737435379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854582143397754,0.0,0.06358293164660095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139827317422456,0.0,0.0,0.31641916900311445,0.0,0.13863971706970335,0.2770554007917343,0.12451217890037908,0.0,0.0,0.1126472174142337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248980320062024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478737976802425,0.2235445914755525,0.13912364136511007,0.0,0.2073265817250795,0.0,0.141851373057876,0.0,0.1366276425511295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393903978977889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037237652550213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521139182573327,0.1912769424815664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515678746299966,0.0,0.08055861082160481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738973400808807,0.0,0.20000274751701114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436987403727648,0.28153345253245965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750999777660014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107301241034346,0.10991096189753044,0.11577361988895572,0.0,0.0,0.16708530194991802,0.0,0.0,0.0998313802366788,0.0733257823779258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537593282246586,0.0,0.0,0.13091008862456016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834110714533152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460618779754825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932912642085257,0.0,0.0,0.08097881762437675
suicidewatch,TheHellJustHappen,2019/04/08,"Why not today Why not today? The clouds cover the sun and hide its rays.

Why not today? I feel no desire when I'm not wanted why should I stay?

Why not today, with no chance of it being different and always the same? 

Why not today, when I cant feel love no matter what she says 

Why not today, before I snap and throw it all away? 

Why not today when I've seen all I can and wish for my soul a place to lay? ",0.5381179775280884,2.0200451011236,2.67009831460674,95.73413623595506,81.13483146067415,4.899438202247191,12.248595505617974,5.148860815047168,-1.3706303370786523,310,1,74,1,8,105,51,89,0.056,0.779,0.166,0.7939,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,23,11,7,0,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,5,8,3,14,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,10,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085906424877931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130100794243373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269048548983328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152930146955466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827124099695166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770605342273524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152930146955466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727906567181451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357777212264056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6447871578330412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731752340021585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7014971556820703,0.0,0.11174877567526402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,X_Berry,2019/04/08,"I don’t know if I can handle this anymore For years if felt useless and ugly I’ve spent the better years of my high school trying to make friends and even the friends I have now are ignoring me because I don’t have good social skills. My mother’s a shopping addict and spends all my disability funds on puzzles and cleaning supplies that she never uses.
I feel really useless and whenever I say I want to end it all I get encouraged to. I have violent outbursts that I try and control but I cant whilst my parents shout names at me.
I just feel lonely and useless I’m not sure what to do.",3.5483379247015603,4.788986074380169,4.866556473829204,84.11781450872363,72.55371900826447,7.361248852157942,29.14692378328742,7.793537801064563,1.8557210284664831,469,19,93,6,9,156,81,121,0.166,0.742,0.092,-0.8671,1,2,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,3,12,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,3,4,27,19,10,0,3,5,2,3,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,5,7,0,2,4,1,4,0,5,6,0,0,2,5,19,6,8,17,2,9,0,4,0,0,9,3,0,3,6,61,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253812314019567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20503427120381348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602908638333926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284806823392855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231880723570718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831136199477387,0.0,0.0,0.13655231361601966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907172930636309,0.0,0.1985064458631602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31945945560641364,0.0,0.10801508946258856,0.0,0.0,0.17340686967390986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843614942917972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362097198600572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800307528052494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945354471760634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229564495788201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244535631514553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644109480584197,0.0,0.2092357379390549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074924287151225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948535613331588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280730904569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856024185882444,0.0,0.0,0.12194283510892863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662724256253779
suicidewatch,ramaskg,2019/04/08,"Would this combo do it ? Ok im curiuos if this combo would kill me. 
30x 0.5mg xanax + 15x 250micrograms halcion (triazolam) + some alcohol. Possible or no chance ? ",0.08009216589861623,1.6066191290322611,3.2661751152073752,79.5335483870968,115.77419354838707,8.223041474654378,23.783410138248854,7.957251820313856,3.0706184331797246,127,6,23,5,7,45,27,31,0.211,0.667,0.122,-0.6199,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091551263675269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135486585848282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235718824933963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316110286132155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5439378364209505,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-m-e-s-s-y-,2019/04/08,"I want to so badly I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense and sounds like rambling but I (18F) don’t want to do this anymore. Every day feels like such a struggle to me now and I don’t know how to get better. 
I’ve been taking 10mg of lexapro for depression and anxiety for almost a month and I’ve been going to therapy along with taking it but I honestly feel worse. I’m cutting again (a lot) and I’m currently sitting here on my bed writing a note saying good bye. I just feel so tired and done with life. Getting out of bed, going to school/work, going to practice, fuck even breathing feels like such a chore to me now. I’m worried I’m going to do something, I don’t have a plan but there’s definitely a drive to do it. The only thing stopping me is what it’ll do to people around me but I’m kind of starting to not care anymore. 

Im not going to do it tonight or any time soon. I don’t even have a plan as to how I’d do it but I’m worried because I really want to. I don’t know what to do ",0.024446729740848383,1.7668202579185568,2.58383587001234,94.429813862608,83.97737556561086,5.285150143973674,20.905183052241878,6.351523495107088,0.1182651583710408,771,24,183,7,22,267,111,221,0.17600000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.12,-0.9285,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,16,13,2,1,9,0,20,4,1,3,0,37,49,18,0,4,10,0,4,3,0,1,2,2,3,0,10,11,0,1,6,0,0,6,8,5,0,0,3,6,14,8,28,45,1,21,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,4,15,111,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836088736007287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717163954515876,0.0,0.09806279843548957,0.0,0.2542543627461846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141137169557578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070308935480328,0.0781416805535576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337109351337485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306953153943899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267008985094501,0.0,0.11040738143523288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117993272049694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933277191229132,0.0,0.1080031800175418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592610444631047,0.18315381294955035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850692988033867,0.13394496235696515,0.0,0.3642584811295871,0.10751727719929244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384640901488989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334871629163456,0.14089658112905115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054235610692854,0.1878772603393272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898010818649588,0.0,0.0,0.08556590016989075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231773881503946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749208357737613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888688110091285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211995358357525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019395454761225,0.0,0.1297322123298591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868471014697236,0.0,0.14349498966278668,0.0907315056237188,0.0,0.0,0.10717017489043723,0.0,0.13400901364680806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276152722456147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659314707411372,0.0,0.08516182876471047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474694243038899,0.14733224110753873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22682425954974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332175243947456,0.2603604920568743,0.1306336299411522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brokenhands38,2019/04/08,"I just had to talk my ex-husband off a bridge He sent me a text saying goodbye, and to give our 19 month old daughter his ID Tags and his wedding band from our former marriage. 

We’ve been separated for 13 months due to domestic violence charges that put him in jail for a bit. I came to my senses and decided to tell him I want a divorce, but I was afraid he’d turn to suicide as revenge, punishment, or to simply just end his suffering of heartbreak.

I immediately called him upon receiving his goodbye text and he answered, so I talked him down and got him to go back over the railing of my favorite bridge in Portland, and just as he was walking down the sidewalk, a cop pulls up and asks him if he’s alright. I had texted my father and asked him to urgently call 911 the moment I was told his location. 

In order to get him down off that bridge, I had to lie, a lot. I am not interested in working it out or getting back together like I told him I was, I just wanted him to stay alive!! What do I do now? How do I manage this? I’ve already moved on and I have no feelings of love for my exhusband, but at this point, I’m worried that if I tell him that I’m not moving back in because I lied, he’ll get right back on that bridge the next day. 

YPlease help me.. ",6.207937062937063,4.568966227272732,6.990606060606062,81.1136013986014,66.65151515151516,10.092773892773893,34.7016317016317,8.841846274778883,2.652340093240093,980,38,217,13,13,328,147,264,0.14800000000000002,0.767,0.085,-0.9619,0,0,0,0,2,1,27.0,2,0,0,1,11,8,1,1,10,1,14,1,0,1,0,30,34,19,1,4,12,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,11,0,0,3,1,0,9,3,4,0,0,13,2,44,4,38,19,2,44,0,2,0,1,47,19,0,5,15,144,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454489227889063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643777909291506,0.0,0.0,0.40539636934711787,0.0,0.08034645707548971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389576307198534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691731139559437,0.15074859178446307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500263596306062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673916734044885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664403117752342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065863523586968,0.12643834716800506,0.07490721523042289,0.0,0.10541564951524174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834540114737656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439274629697868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205499449793788,0.11895819976352218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040929121377744,0.2801734537018329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017498305055678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830606083057842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245973239450377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249936190261488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255984265021797,0.0,0.1048157814993309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048546053985006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417211522326442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187802499324465,0.2304049021257165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25188862165431425,0.0,0.0,0.14336483578818476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548275478157053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595483643903216,0.13385329667221138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jayhypnotic25,2019/04/08,"Nobody understands me and I feel so alone I’ve been depressed since I was a kid. 
My close family and kids throughout my entire school life have bullied me. 
When I started dating my bf in 2017 I felt better. He was the love of my life but then he left me. He told me I was more problems then I was worth and that destroyed me. Since he left 3 months ago I have been nothing but a wreck. And today someone I knew for years told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. That he “lost interest” but we were only friends. Of course this made me even more devastated. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I feel like a waste of life to everyone. And tbh after my bf left me it was really over for me. I am already depressed and I can’t move on from him knowing that he will be with someone else eventually. 
I was going to wait it out till my birthday but I don’t think I can. 
I am taking my ex bf to court for money he owes me (long story) and I know if I lose I will feel even more suicidal I just know it. ",-0.05249999999999844,1.98118652777778,2.123703703703704,95.86666666666667,86.5,5.0814814814814815,19.185185185185183,6.42735559955562,-0.0877925925925922,774,22,182,8,24,260,116,216,0.179,0.706,0.114,-0.9594,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,5,12,1,0,4,0,22,4,0,1,0,32,44,17,1,3,6,1,5,2,4,2,3,0,0,2,7,11,0,1,11,0,3,2,4,6,0,0,16,5,41,6,19,25,3,23,0,4,0,1,21,9,0,1,14,115,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090311195360808,0.0,0.0,0.12738978458427128,0.13573236464845526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198187592695185,0.0,0.0,0.10121762938187223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878254762894027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118775757975358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274981316828513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624792507052618,0.0,0.0,0.1175307372155659,0.0,0.0,0.11595243332990562,0.0,0.2487677947139961,0.17574090328639172,0.11809825015014284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502865898632352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990311964848436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027909660095718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009160531083377,0.0,0.2606333200219979,0.12018211690411512,0.0,0.0,0.1088501719388004,0.0,0.13760432741186668,0.13426784874732553,0.0,0.1110113257535772,0.116384550264132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817656292271193,0.13072838441665932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802077918416268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354621973324602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769335322310555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879625648082643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050404039742907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448147168233648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349195212104365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084331682626772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705926727956673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454085283274295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924798789819352,0.09886187122580424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788127402185057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165885924412345,0.2350614744311318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804621149725864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254794866781966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920727055701908
suicidewatch,fvck3dup,2019/04/08,"Everything is planned. I give up fully with everything 
I just can't live on everything is so stressful everything is going downhill once again. My life is fucked up once again everything is fucked up. I want to do it so badly p

I have enough. Emzos to overdose I can easily slit my wrists are just don't have a purpose on life but I do t want to see ,y family upset

I just can't live any,ore ",-0.5849343339587243,1.5938236585365857,1.9797560975609765,92.10342401500941,99.0,5.937711069418388,18.50281425891182,7.321109707123232,0.781231519699813,308,10,66,7,13,105,47,82,0.17800000000000002,0.767,0.055,-0.8914,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,2,1,0,14,5,1,0,0,7,21,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,9,0,9,21,1,8,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,0,2,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120360661772895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236548572669132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7061271889886225,0.0,0.14813565404507548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29054296556941195,0.0,0.15074101955268776,0.08930510599512079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219823319995841,0.0,0.0,0.2775113394806125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33469353078909925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252185842753009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000096615002814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853680430312152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,awayawayletsthrow,2019/04/08,For those that have done so: what will happen if I tell my psychiatrist I tried to kill myself last week? I'm still really suicidal. However I'm more scared of being sectioned and admitted to hospital against my will (especially as I have worked at the hospital and know quite a few faces there) and having this on my health record than death itself. I don't know  just how fully honest to be with my psych. Please help anyone who's been here before ,6.7055172413793125,6.761611045977013,6.793701149425285,77.34641379310345,64.97701149425288,10.63816091954023,27.74482758620689,10.355215969177356,2.5618662068965508,359,9,69,8,5,115,70,87,0.172,0.725,0.103,-0.8622,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,1,1,2,0,10,2,1,1,0,10,16,7,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,11,10,3,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647081451774568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214757826225372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582736090521629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231798759777503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26826943093548394,0.0,0.0,0.1691658092464902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792224223295171,0.0,0.2774042321613797,0.20572437606954436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770387867231627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684384896392711,0.0,0.0,0.16168186968365547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526776256683897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155196526587935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760640873862396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059230710512556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135027905695288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024449882297837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373653123432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,milmakingaway,2019/04/08,Thoughts of suicide. I’m not going to sugar coat this post. I’ve posted in the past for a long time asking for advice about my job which has ruined my mental health although anxiety/depression has been a life long battle. I knew I had to quit and finally did(after 8 months). I have 3 shifts left before I’m officially out of there. I’ve felt slightly suicidal recently but after telling my boss I’m quitting the urge has because impossible to ignore. I’m scared to die and I truly don’t want to follow through with it. I’m trying to find a reason to stay even just for today. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you all. ,2.728602150537636,5.044987451612903,4.331935483870968,82.40956989247313,77.70967741935483,6.713978494623658,24.849462365591396,7.793537801064563,1.5313623655913973,500,18,93,8,12,167,90,124,0.166,0.728,0.106,-0.778,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,1,1,5,0,8,3,0,2,1,16,21,4,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,2,8,2,18,16,1,17,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,9,51,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948579001936981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259714391597896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104359319729526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196928367323623,0.0,0.12837972133464673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994457901217785,0.0,0.15657980593296011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964857183038857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485938250020006,0.16527130714201438,0.13789294453628534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574320732308324,0.0,0.0,0.16633530806815686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603683339109568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971573583273187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392128817561188,0.0,0.1065643274402571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670313687467647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204202385054302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042342933020064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440230062019019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889845545592656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209387904608214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512004732755574,0.14896646165842428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104773474828398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080792660484527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330055777077538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318675058901164,0.13890132739316868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977436002836475,0.0879738278392392,0.0,0.143007635474134,0.0,0.0,0.10243119639728726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898735614046567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway620142,2019/04/08,"July 2019 is when I finally do it So over the last year and a half I made a fully conscious effort to be a better person. I took up new hobbies, started old ones, got my ideal job, travelled a lot more, reconnected with old friends, started dating again and a whole rake of other things associated with a “good life”. 

At first, it was merely to keep up this facade of having a good life, so that I could fit in at work, fit in with all my friends and not be a constant downer and bummer to their lives. I’d decided that I was going to kill myself in January 2019. 
So I spent the best part of last year focusing on crossing items off a bucket list and essentially saying my last farewells to my close friends and family. 
By the time Christmas holidays came around, I thought I had fully made peace with it. I didn’t care about the impact I’d have on people’s lives or anything like that. 
Christmas holidays every year is sort of a school reunion time; everyone we went to school with meets up for drinks in our local bar and catch up. I was actually shocked at how happy everyone was to see me. These are people that I hadn’t seen for a few years and it was almost like I’d never left them. 

New Year’s rolled in and I realised I didn’t want to kill myself anymore. I started thinking that maybe life isn’t so bad. Maybe I will find some meaning that I can assign to my life.
So since then I’ve just even going through the motions. I got to the best place I’d ever been in. I got a raise in my job, I was able to see all my friends whenever I wanted, was able to exercise regularly, play football etc. I even met someone who I’ve fallen for. 
Over the weekend though, I took my first bad turn that I’ve had in a while. I realise that despite all these things going well for me, it still doesn’t really matter. The same issues I have that I spent so long working on and ironing out, still persist in my head. I know that you aren’t supposed to be happy all the time, everyone has bad days, but when I have bad days, they’re absolutely crippling. My bad days are a struggle not to just kill myself. I really just don’t see a point to it all. 

Between now and July of this year, I have a few holidays with friends booked, a concert to go to and some time to spend with my close family. Once July comes around, I’ll finally be ending it all. 
It’s funny, the last time I set myself a date, I had more emotions towards it. I felt upset, felt like there was a frog stuck in my throat, felt like crying. This time I haven’t any such feelings. I just feel numb towards it. Like it was just meant to be.  ",4.2496799470257125,4.584658756097562,5.224011146672557,85.53051180885113,70.25703564727955,7.996667034543647,27.308740757090828,7.827709963407826,1.4394454695949679,2019,62,432,23,34,664,236,533,0.101,0.7709999999999999,0.128,0.065,3,0,1,0,0,3,56.0,2,1,2,10,28,33,3,2,29,0,40,10,2,3,8,72,80,26,3,4,9,0,5,5,5,1,6,2,0,1,30,27,2,1,13,11,3,14,11,12,1,4,35,11,57,21,67,38,20,97,0,0,4,0,15,36,0,6,51,291,87,8,0.12580665574580815,0.0,0.06138457408982049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298859649782783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277642000059932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062383198621503676,0.0,0.0,0.0517640791285121,0.11199459617368418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626082565005717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320263235513712,0.055632881718864886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194464944884997,0.06413413505346538,0.0,0.0,0.05418564712121003,0.0,0.06797615061398017,0.0,0.050223188816139984,0.0,0.06909635195566154,0.1217023278466386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162131376841488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075777730055201,0.0557136777985136,0.0,0.07015383832207041,0.08309410960927761,0.056899661344526425,0.052998766731206716,0.18032047633636394,0.0,0.0,0.11859931853151524,0.0,0.06361162521213437,0.0,0.18119117795122971,0.13781504198878167,0.05749250208596519,0.10701107710902456,0.0,0.0,0.2429947753807715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429976433517243,0.10552065398323048,0.15092861288496404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392352440667069,0.0,0.0,0.06455696200813027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565473150166037,0.12484369354227765,0.05591136804676855,0.20877963716394346,0.0,0.03457002393480582,0.2050984312469984,0.0,0.0,0.06834464978656363,0.0,0.17772192299617715,0.1536569431444047,0.0,0.11108958190832907,0.05566746571522983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053478159913251284,0.0,0.1190412995443618,0.0,0.0,0.1263896952605,0.06852016479605474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851492432274046,0.12150485207019375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201292224784586,0.06698999124210749,0.04262492291760067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811817420180276,0.0,0.08721849455891041,0.054924759604157235,0.0657205893363192,0.0,0.0594639769922841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059496513429583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002325107924375,0.0,0.12732305211155528,0.15037742458017134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203428284152065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532977855776972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335698976902798,0.0,0.10046935778968463,0.0,0.0,0.06576021606949653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358035191872658,0.040305912575900084,0.06180220025748824,0.04993821596117907,0.22007661802711925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977582356078105,0.0,0.06842075758040972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420402509693294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655764614372365,0.05831201513965666,0.0,0.0702293191627528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158874373298667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430460847012082
suicidewatch,varzkirz,2019/04/08,Pulling myself not to die The suicidal thoughts have become like a part of my life. It’s very hard each time when I fight it. I don’t want to hurt my loved ones or hurt my body by having a failure attempt. I don’t know when I’ll give up 😐,1.5433333333333332,2.2603657407407383,3.0046296296296298,97.56583333333336,76.77777777777777,6.140740740740743,22.759259259259267,5.985473137389443,0.034792592592592264,186,5,48,1,4,61,42,54,0.29600000000000004,0.5329999999999999,0.17,-0.8421,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,6,9,3,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,1,7,2,5,8,2,5,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,4,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717338754660277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732970117530837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553525790138738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360257470413792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220405155996968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267857447661004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352181575848386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378662389196733,0.12020361218891595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220623615759177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672431453860664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664393299519013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691298325253463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19532973329954226,0.14346897219996813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301028088802575,0.1451218485979153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icantsoishant,2019/04/08,"I don't see a future. There's nothing for me.I don't see a reason to live or anything to look forward to.Ive ruined any chances of attending college,I can't keep a job because of my anxiety and depression,things that I used to be so passionate about feel like such a chore to me and are just painful to do.I think I'm just destined to kill myself because I couldn't ever see myself ever having a career or getting married,traveling or having a family, even as a kid when we would regularly be asked what we wanted to be I always had to lie and say something expected like an astronaut or doctor.i thought just being a good person was enough but no.I wouldn't even be able to be a functioning person in society,I panic whenever I go to the grocery store.I can't see myself doing the simplest things like,going to the bank,driving or just functioning.
    I've been depressed for over 3 years now and I've lost so much of my life.What should have been one of my most important years of my life I made miserable.i hate who I am and what I've become i feel like such a parasite to everyone,especially my parents.i don't think I deserve to be happy.i think I deserve this,I was a very angry person and said horrible things to my family and others.ive mutilated myself as well by cutting myself.i think I'm meant to kill myself.",5.081457418788414,5.578518014925376,6.408981562774361,77.19203248463567,68.47761194029852,9.589464442493416,32.182616330114136,9.627879704456738,3.0261946444249337,1060,44,201,22,17,360,141,268,0.165,0.765,0.069,-0.9834,2,1,1,0,0,3,24.0,2,0,0,1,17,15,4,1,15,0,27,3,0,3,2,40,52,18,2,6,10,0,2,3,0,3,2,2,1,4,6,9,0,1,9,0,0,3,7,9,1,1,10,9,24,6,28,31,3,12,0,3,5,1,10,3,0,6,11,133,30,2,0.1124085878761434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935329499771776,0.0,0.0,0.07644169441050262,0.0,0.08599226204941465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250268998965694,0.0,0.1050868556202344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370464636610108,0.12414645381497776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681735202380497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115054952850938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161481199856578,0.0,0.1484896242831031,0.2033600064941591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119376250829997,0.0,0.11367431906067113,0.16060943527802946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872884767191493,0.0,0.1277687818938729,0.09428299032118022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110980208505863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154817853742227,0.09991391776694596,0.2487268955341624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587950198676083,0.21966863223676966,0.0,0.09925884251543278,0.0,0.09439490298967616,0.0,0.12270725232452848,0.0,0.0,0.10636372377435653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263324598685573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078590717435396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617096830199466,0.0,0.11961066289494197,0.13188725808939156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294452529396276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557474996054895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069263083778245,0.08939182082946218,0.0,0.0,0.3583003637934112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653762273377866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493585419257631,0.2881075370047538,0.0,0.08923986261254804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970849285647194,0.0,0.092748857377489,0.06630149753543592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106882022935283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985183566726796,0.0,0.0,0.14477489026383067
suicidewatch,__dont__mind__me__,2019/04/08,Please please help Someone with the username u/WhyamIstillhere2 posted some scary shit on r/advice but I don’t know what to do. Please help ,3.5548717948717896,6.5661642307692345,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,79.76923076923076,3.466666666666667,20.2051282051282,3.1291,-0.5705487179487183,114,3,21,0,3,31,22,26,0.142,0.483,0.375,0.7391,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993294199564824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291524727468465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493904201604034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8085676600628492,0.0,0.0,0.23515365985160205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520370794075402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804012577468264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ihavethemarker,2019/04/08,Hello please help me I think of dying on a daily basis and I'm afraid. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of telling my friends because I'm the one they look to for strength. Sorry for the trouble.,-1.171287878787879,0.8776783863636375,0.9472727272727288,101.33257575757578,94.6818181818182,2.9333333333333336,18.69696969696969,3.1291,-0.924775757575758,155,5,37,0,6,51,32,44,0.086,0.67,0.244,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,2,7,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212113069507745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766173023114287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803640243710433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323414326209736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943208691993147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047319763242963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24590024433565855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983387200943945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40622000933850855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171774548764967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325220334062582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,milkyburger,2019/04/08,whats after death? its hard to for me to imagen nothing. but if life sucks and youre in debt... isnt it better to have nothing?,-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,86.5,5.161904761904762,16.476190476190478,6.42735559955562,-0.3830380952380947,97,2,23,1,3,34,25,28,0.331,0.669,0.0,-0.8544,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683054845045219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37304656512595735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941424070343749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7991668003086955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,plop_altacc,2019/04/08,"Fortunate human being with dark thoughts I realize there is a vicious circle with my dark thoughts because the more I have them the more guilt I feel for having them and it pushes me down more. I'm 32M, live in France - I'm healthy, I don't have money problem, I have a job that I somewhat like (sometimes) that pays very well, I have a SO who loves me (I don't love her but I have strong feelings for her), and a few family members who love me.

​

In summary I have it all and I know it, and yet all I think about every minute of everyday is killing myself, and I feel so guilty about it. I've had difficult times like everyone, but nothing major that should traumatize anyone. I'm just weak, I've been miserable in my head since about the age of 15. I guess I never recovered from the minor bullying in high school. I'm a coward, I've never gotten in a fight and I'm scared of people - just thinking about this and imagining all the insults that I could receive for it just makes me want to disappear right now. I recently tried to use dating apps to heal wounds that are related to a need of being desired and it was a big failure. I'm just the biggest fucking looser.

​

I've always fantasized about suicide - I remember in 2009 when my family went on vacations abroad I wished the plane would crash so there would be nothing stopping me anymore. For a long time I thought I would use medicines. As this has recently become a lot more real, I've given it a lot more thoughts and medicines are really a bad idea; they cause pain, they have a shitty success rate, and when they fail you're left all fucked up. Next I looked around hanging but it's not that simple you have to think about every detail like the diameter of the rope and everything, and it's gonna fucking hurt. In addition you have to find somewhere to do it and it can't be at home, I don't want any of my close ones to find me. Looked around asphyxia (charcoal/helium/nitrogen/carbon monoxyde) - not ideal for several reasons but could work. And lately, I thought a bullet in the head was the simplest and the best way, unfortunately it's pretty hard to get your hands on a gun in my country. I've asked a friend who is looking into it for me. I would do it in front of a police station with only one bullet in the chamber, and I know I wouldn't have time to think and change my mind.

​

In the end all of this might fucking remain fantasy because I'm not allowed to go. My autistic brother is going to need me and the pain I'm gonna cause my mom is probably not worth my selfish relief. I'm fucking stuck here.

​

I don't have the strength to help myself - I would probably benefit from a psychiatrist help but I've tried before and it didn't work out. I'm hoping getting this out of my chest helps somehow but so far it doesn't feel much better and I'm not sure what else to add at this point.",3.785607632677401,5.011104029059833,4.702822500496918,85.57704830053667,71.95726495726495,7.7666467899026035,27.963625521765056,8.20894155585173,1.7874412641621935,2287,84,465,34,43,743,269,585,0.201,0.6809999999999999,0.118,-0.9964,2,0,0,1,1,2,72.0,0,3,5,9,26,39,9,3,34,0,47,17,4,7,8,109,105,33,2,18,15,2,6,3,1,10,5,0,1,1,31,31,0,1,22,1,4,8,15,21,1,2,14,9,59,18,64,75,17,59,0,3,3,8,27,31,5,7,22,303,90,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103616433323797,0.2658285527021093,0.29811805488740833,0.04171033714640136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082847154430835,0.04288730423247143,0.0,0.0,0.1092034435072872,0.057340541851894786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121269576048687,0.07477927128780942,0.06774039330349296,0.052192110377014066,0.0,0.06436796800024884,0.054246387446336385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601719186379418,0.06488497221625135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794303207511162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123805515364329,0.0,0.054325169909249536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335584084274188,0.058608830614966925,0.05512451651309352,0.0,0.1156435615980402,0.0,0.12405256606286715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211932393417652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738776178934116,0.2835190450291575,0.06409067866707725,0.0,0.06971691314113844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756812032673097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054944684124298405,0.0,0.12589611989356805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333595580741585,0.06480446913478734,0.06152464594242665,0.060920128111927825,0.0,0.0,0.06566106908078602,0.06924046953195402,0.0,0.0,0.060866156496703724,0.0,0.067858795845074,0.0,0.06741692518727435,0.0,0.06918927128579203,0.0,0.06664135018101927,0.0,0.0,0.08989648367042521,0.0,0.05416049209803269,0.054280109533136334,0.1545194645002645,0.0,0.0,0.10429073213324656,0.1660734240652571,0.0,0.04094201466146078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506741915519489,0.06193150958142191,0.07183555795120347,0.0,0.0,0.045088751318151286,0.0909591968306208,0.09461165053575314,0.0,0.06523114687840631,0.0,0.0,0.11770639783470878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312523141055678,0.04664851660855717,0.13053088668759627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04252240853024583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057982003364920986,0.0,0.0,0.062400394432455576,0.13226038351405586,0.05868992203213123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981338415377303,0.03929318030829652,0.0630632513269251,0.12112308592854773,0.0,0.06948132121552647,0.05238029974206233,0.0,0.0,0.061407673752698864,0.06207494023585185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929181247424666,0.0,0.05073747360018967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060662514356022476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051279339817891366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670912328236727,0.0,0.057808112962145324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720560089045474,0.0,0.2434682266773841,0.10729591134347292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328574408541005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594859607696944,0.0,0.05060832495919975,0.07235469691876358,0.04868537452617282,0.0,0.0,0.05514810469947061,0.056858750945662666,0.0,0.0,0.07053295672398313,0.0,0.0,0.08930614997385722,0.0,0.0,0.2178553872415976,0.0,0.29811805488740833,0.0
suicidewatch,bibliochic,2019/04/08,"There is no better Twenty five years of this. 

Fake smile. A funny girl, not a pretty one. Everyone's confidant but nobody's concern. I'm beyond help. The drugs don't work, and the inpatient stays don't solve the underlying issues, and psychiatrists think I downplay how severe things are because I'm such a good actor until I actually cry and my tears look fake.

I will never have a job I love, because I am too sick to work and don't have the ambition or intelligence to do something that isn't gruntwork. Due to this, I have no money. I struggle. I can't engage in self care even if I wanted to, between long shifts and no resources and living in a city that stifles me.

I will never be able to have a family, because I would transfer all this to them. I yearn to be a mother, but I never will be. I can't even nurture a house plant.

I will never be interesting, or engaging. I am nothing. I am nothing. I am nothing. I was supposed to be the bright in my family; five sons and one daughter, and the daughter turned out to be a walking abortion. 

I will never be like the people I know, who have healthy relationships. I'm so ugly and broken that the last guy who sexually assaulted me humiliated me throughout. I can't enjoy intimacy with anyone, and I've never had flowers or a Valentine's Day card in my life. Nobody will ever be proud with an anxious, bpd, depressed ugly fat shell on their arm. My fiance is polyamorous, and always goes for hot, young, interesting women. He says he doesn't 'see me' in that way. I hope he leaves me so I can be alone and then not let down when he inherits money and buys himself a new bass while I'm still waiting for an engagement ring.

I just want everything to stop. I don't want another failed attempt. This time isn't going to land me in hospital. This time, when it is time, will be the end of my misery. I can't make it to forty. I just can't  ",2.737598167539268,4.439685832460731,4.603321335078537,83.32105530104715,75.49214659685866,7.183376963350786,25.550065445026174,7.972316293177498,1.5262903141361264,1476,52,295,23,32,503,197,382,0.23,0.652,0.118,-0.9937,2,1,2,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,2,6,15,22,1,1,22,0,48,6,2,2,8,46,66,27,0,7,10,4,1,1,0,8,4,2,0,4,14,16,1,2,2,1,4,2,23,7,0,4,2,6,42,15,31,45,1,41,0,3,3,1,21,12,0,5,26,208,56,5,0.10273926791132522,0.0,0.10025870516388467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640689701410372,0.0,0.0,0.08548730117337652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077310804068152,0.0,0.11606612916984535,0.0,0.07183768493056153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788671238200624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908645334495186,0.0,0.0,0.1293965113757405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474953084886593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128542615362298,0.06625832839523334,0.0,0.08848918090670042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191449332183354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099649673912363,0.0,0.0,0.13571663499663528,0.09293354975988632,0.0,0.0981717732838723,0.09233542933246162,0.0,0.1937068764522172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838909358136425,0.0861728234924692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172802787690312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688639656301399,0.0,0.0,0.102043274753572,0.0,0.11854732113151395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072331031996288,0.10195287047288686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056462814780088175,0.0837462157751538,0.0,0.10878605033888886,0.0,0.10505786223769596,0.07256778328688918,0.05019321674059925,0.0,0.09072065583634444,0.090921019085305,0.08627510949969086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272620049879947,0.0,0.06857925911429945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754331425290537,0.09922622515765836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295743295362885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923757369973255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122647228947526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452277089935406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030352463908873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170238949535312,0.0,0.0,0.08186989482746877,0.0,0.10717946303326824,0.11606612916984535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909370782462949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095063896989039,0.08204771206770697,0.08589462833375655,0.0,0.10740538990753278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825540442988058,0.06583117444776095,0.0,0.0,0.17972427997920104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175082116406664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817948462902332,0.08154964874872117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959082131643991,0.0,0.0,0.07298302819060397,0.0,0.0,0.0661607200956803
suicidewatch,suicidalchip4,2019/04/08,"I might kill myself on may 10 Attention this is not my main account my main account is u/wiserchip4 I'm posting this on a separate account because I do not want people who only know my original account to see this






I have been contemplating suicide for a while now and I finally made up my mind I am going to kill myself because I am so fed up with depression and stress  I just want the suffering to end. I doubt anyone will miss me.
Now back to regularly scheduled memes on u/wiserchip4 until may 10.",2.3629,4.7010734900000015,4.594000000000001,79.93700000000003,79.1,8.0,29.0,8.841846274778883,2.7765000000000013,399,19,74,10,10,138,63,100,0.277,0.701,0.021,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,3,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,2,3,0,11,1,0,2,0,17,20,5,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,2,7,0,0,3,1,15,0,12,13,2,16,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,4,9,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494075921975406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703888989966549,0.0,0.2701582035660037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908549932486133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626281532771944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24274082419261664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593460519217112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903126244998854,0.0,0.12177997381412595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967365207283206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350717888382163,0.22374255705504895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852904861137846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536224852421592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222180112720726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657840274322265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25383039809114216,0.0,0.0,0.2423833051931159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613988422527251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jesuschristreddit208,2019/04/08,"Why is it so hard to die!??? Really!? It has been months since I have tried to hang myself, and here I am alive after several attempts. God, I am pathetic!",-0.08241935483870932,2.193832935483872,2.6583064516129045,89.80745967741936,90.61290322580645,6.970967741935485,17.427419354838708,8.07648339933343,0.9114451612903238,115,3,25,3,4,40,26,31,0.205,0.665,0.13,-0.5722,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41806348217796796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608475283935329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215270187724671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25805675695385183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550718539517922,0.0,0.3332168022686645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734882853785109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634823251531044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,manilamilkshake,2019/04/08,"I can’t be in my head anymore. I am so numb from the constant, agonizing pain that I feel. I hate myself more than anything on this earth. I don’t want to live this life if it means being me. Everyone is tired of me. And I really mean everyone. I’m tired of me. I’m constantly having to fight these thoughts to kill myself. It’s just too much. I can’t calm down when all I can think about is stabbing myself in the neck. I genuinely just hate everything about my life. I feel so stuck here. I don’t want to be here. I can’t do this anymore. I’m too much of a coward to kill myself right now but I don’t think I have much time left. I don’t see myself living past this month. I cannot believe I have to feel this excruciating torture of being alive, of being in my head, of feeling this way. I want to escape I need to leave I need to leave I can’t do this I can’t deal with this I can’t fucking do this I can’t 

When something is broken you give up on it and throw it away. I’m broken. I need to go away I need to be gone I am nothing",-0.8813131313131315,1.053155038961041,1.7942857142857136,97.43682539682541,89.51948051948051,4.807503607503609,16.78066378066378,6.238725200709706,-0.5104418470418466,798,19,198,8,27,275,102,231,0.223,0.72,0.056,-0.9893,0,0,1,0,1,2,22.0,0,1,0,0,13,10,7,0,3,0,30,10,3,0,1,24,58,8,2,8,4,0,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,15,3,0,0,9,0,0,3,12,9,0,0,3,5,39,1,31,49,5,23,0,0,1,1,4,11,1,1,8,138,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143627266335168,0.0,0.0,0.08893651967884224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308004767973595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176352015721405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335813698825077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142058353389482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654059548865653,0.09713084485029047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858387718776134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991359967134954,0.0,0.10367539170753157,0.061421515344671065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340338316317764,0.22183226742190404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391379584940156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288716488076745,0.11742380803483275,0.0,0.15267314292089018,0.0,0.0,0.1908644170598704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23545072518928434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862644370718748,0.0,0.2383426895582713,0.32054498411658744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370088110663107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499942407669247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316982022941283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923561496077882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229546287720264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612178564486098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320141812182423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850019733107807,0.0,0.0857994810557994,0.06301940393011854,0.2484326371726153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123631240203925,0.08578490767273668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sobriety19,2019/04/08,"Distraught over the fact that I peaked in high school. Just a disclaimer, my peak wasn’t even that remotely high in high school. I was a quiet, shy student who struggled with mild depression and social anxiety. I didn’t talk to many people nor really join many extracurriculars. However, I did academically well in my classes and was fairly emotionally stable.

Since going into college, my mental health has taken a nose dive. I’ve had trouble managing my intense emotions which I’ve learned are a product of a personality disorder that I have. I’ve experienced multiple, unhealthy romantic entanglements almost each year of college. I turned to cutting (or as my therapist calls it *scratching*) and abusing alcohol. Not to mention the stress I’m currently undergoing from isolating myself from old hs friends and current friends and communities, dealing with an unhealthy relationship, and possibly not graduating this semester.

I won’t discount the fact that I’ve made progress in certain areas. I’ve gone to counseling to seek treatment for my disorder, have discovered the power of 12-step fellowships (haven’t attended any in months though), have been cut-free for a couple weeks and sober for nearly 9 months. I’m also lucky to have made a college best friend who’s been there for my ups and downs. I also switched my major to something I wouldn’t have guessed existed. 

Yet, I’m dreading the end of the semester, whether I graduate or not. I feel like a failure. Never would I thought i would end up like this: too unstable and cowardly and a chronic quitter. I have a personality disorder, am an addict, am an alcoholic, and have done multiple things I regret immensely. I can’t finish, more much do, anything that truly matters and is worthy of praise. I’m getting tired of messing things up. This rollercoaster is making me sick and I want off.

Tl;dr: Disappointed in myself for not living up to my expectations and having thoughts that i want to quit for real now.



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suicidewatch,Crustybear34,2019/04/08,Why Can't I Find Love After living nearly my whole life with depression I finally decided to get help and my life has been a lot better because of it. I'm 18 going on 19 and have had basically no experience with girls. Now that I'm feeling better I'm putting myself out there more I've made new friends and have been talking to girls more. With the 2 girls I've gotten close with I get too clingy and they end up being uncomfortable around me and I lose my opportunity to finally get a girlfriend. When this happens I feel like I go back to square one and feel like shit again. The worst part is I always felt like the pain of living would never go away and when it finally did it felt like a blessing. At this point its just a fucking tease and I don't feel like I'll ever get better again. I guess what I'm asking is how can I get someone to love me when I'm so broken inside? I don't even care about looks I just want someone that will make me feel loved and appreciated because my parents never did.,2.678159301998313,4.214782062200957,4.166428370391221,87.08852800450327,75.26794258373207,6.8315226569096525,23.298902336054038,7.5105763829236425,0.8739257528848863,797,23,170,10,17,265,118,209,0.14800000000000002,0.6509999999999999,0.201,0.8562,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,5,17,22,3,0,7,0,17,8,1,3,3,37,50,14,0,2,2,1,7,5,2,2,3,0,0,3,9,16,0,0,9,0,0,4,6,7,0,1,9,9,21,15,20,38,6,29,1,2,2,4,14,9,2,2,21,108,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483434773506418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076115947775296,0.09531373547233073,0.0,0.09578964990888092,0.07839675079774598,0.0,0.12430108701709798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705115258630302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394945217764134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781329906070214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030146397279866,0.0,0.0,0.06734001453260867,0.09222372175014226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997311072446147,0.0,0.0,0.25775640333413663,0.21850903909103528,0.19578470104622966,0.3350586572492901,0.09318460584485676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876982752415047,0.09425533274197326,0.2663352052241764,0.0,0.17382935011964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231442430068066,0.0,0.09015806625033533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833798150715502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440270186852029,0.2490492005518799,0.0,0.18005545989491073,0.0,0.085616138768186,0.11406105539560885,0.0,0.08667810709252556,0.2760538686785544,0.09647185437080508,0.06805544958445152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572672587409005,0.09846833358782102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908703738976155,0.0,0.1084868227862692,0.0,0.1132084552299733,0.11040683538829353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637999838149852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249247641431553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465487394297487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277150797977928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194720022611414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060135431403041464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919981176402088,0.11382860699206425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242558259878616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PoopSockLegend,2019/04/08,"Why should I live? I’ve done most things I wanted to do in life, I’m giving up on trying to be happy. Sorry I can’t talk anyone out of suicide, and I doubt anyone can do the same for me",-0.501046511627905,0.8640732558139561,2.5978488372093054,95.58421511627908,83.88372093023256,4.3,13.075581395348838,3.1291,-1.4376000000000002,142,1,35,0,4,51,35,43,0.183,0.6829999999999999,0.134,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,7,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.412468946615544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018341694502349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829409616427437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31397759068645004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083304686078105,0.0,0.0,0.26044445464283844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301700963471357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226251990556017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370679998801973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595032045662214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025030568948188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396795015955682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26614465999482995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SugarySuga,2019/04/08,"I wanted to kill myself today after being free for one month from suicidal thoughts. For 1 month I didn't wanna kill myself. The depression was by no means gone but it wasn't at a point where I thought killing myself would make the world a better place, but tonight I fell back into that hole of imagining how many lives I could improve if I wasn't in this world anymore.
I tried looking for my razor blade but couldn't find it. I think I got too optimistic in the past month and threw it away. Didn't realize I'd need it this soon.",4.633971166448231,5.117232816513763,4.8810222804718215,87.80247706422018,69.45871559633028,8.06343381389253,26.580602883355173,7.957251820313856,1.3440474442988202,423,12,90,5,7,133,74,109,0.165,0.721,0.114,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,0,21,20,6,4,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,7,0,1,3,6,4,0,1,10,1,13,3,14,6,0,22,0,1,1,0,0,10,0,1,9,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252522197098232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539709367639017,0.1260138352218363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493880804513934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084508474722645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114986253281436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497836255540728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310700469193628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5439278142655964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470930761228426,0.0,0.1376181779637512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939137301758724,0.16614890249819453,0.0,0.17851369020902347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924230766278049,0.0,0.0,0.12151516617042273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104953275497943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644229010165933,0.0,0.0,0.17122003369457225,0.0,0.1549198546003541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925844970527682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500787925105068,0.0,0.2602053056999805,0.0,0.0,0.15533936268649684,0.0,0.0,0.11126396653448584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666084712320476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641586339457495,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lagismyfriend37,2019/04/08,"I can’t go to school anymore i dont wanna do this no more My teacher said that im childish but i cant atudy for a year now... i havent done shit from september and im losing hope for life, it seems like nothing will never change and im trapped, AD dont really work, i think that i have heart problems but nobody believes me i know that i dont have anxiety fuck me and my life",-1.5972745098039205,0.3595352235294129,1.1936764705882368,99.12071078431377,96.76470588235294,4.245098039215686,17.67156862745098,5.985473137389443,-0.4043137254901961,294,9,72,3,12,101,54,85,0.168,0.645,0.187,0.3895,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,0,1,0,11,5,2,0,1,12,18,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,2,1,12,2,5,15,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,4,43,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634742753649918,0.0,0.15083110780746714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135186629015262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608896622086774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556395285464062,0.5347404174326035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060353831219785,0.0,0.0,0.08643550441946618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802258236882957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105838068283114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49284563418626703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358396366710273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148494716488188,0.07430284906484623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701483354384736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730016963689308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459331948568152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552833126494236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743190589396723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467116714042744,0.0,0.0,0.15392186857820064,0.0,0.1384558265303424,0.0,0.0,0.15611684930635833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745228810563664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072237385386904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794012654531817
suicidewatch,singularpotato,2019/04/08,"Passive suicidal ideation [NSFW] I'll start off by saying, I have no plans or active intent to kill myself. None. TWs: drugs, overdose, suicide and mental health stuff (obviously). This post is kind of a mess but I'm not overly coherent right now.

But, my long-term depression has been pretty bad these last few weeks following a never ending series of bullshit beyond my control (false allegation at work, resulting crippling anxiety returning to work, a new cyst in my uterus, being assaulted by a client and police not caring to name but a few). I'm back on SNRI antidepressants, and am regularly seeing a therapist. Work has also hooked me up with free counselling. 

But the creeping passive suicidal ideation is there. I just caught myself researching heroin overdose deaths, how they work, what they feel like etc. I have previously tried to OD on prescription painkillers, so this lines up with my previous MO. I read on Reddit that they feel amazing, then you pass out. Sounds pretty good to me when I do decide I'm done.

I'll also say, I have no history of hard drug use. I do have an addictive personality but that tends to manifest in substances no harder than pot - cigarettes, alcohol, painkillers, etc. I'm currently not drinking alcohol or coffee due to medication, and I quit smoking cigarettes a few weeks ago. Life isn't terrible at the moment, but as we all know that doesn't fix depression.

I've been depressed for so long (coming up on 10 years), I've pretty much accepted that when I do get tired of living I'll probably off it, on my terms. I guess I'm just hoping someone can offer me some nugget of wisdom, some solidarity that passive suicidal ideation doesn't mean I want to kill myself (because I don't), idk. Thanks for reading. ",5.626535087719301,7.376959386996906,6.207976006191952,74.52525606295151,68.13312693498452,9.593859649122807,31.414989680082563,9.928628108626363,3.3417039215686284,1394,58,237,34,24,453,195,323,0.219,0.638,0.14300000000000002,-0.9866,2,0,7,0,0,3,54.0,1,1,3,7,13,19,3,0,10,0,21,11,0,5,3,42,43,21,8,2,13,0,3,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,11,9,3,1,6,3,1,4,12,9,0,0,4,7,28,11,38,38,11,43,0,3,1,0,10,18,0,6,21,150,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072843353692404,0.0,0.0,0.08190604489750436,0.19749263573260373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477827250138532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706849013455011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710490463868106,0.07714921735932773,0.05632550843971134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420683095280953,0.0,0.0,0.07959346600934009,0.0,0.0,0.10363321696042586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387490971828164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945561492308182,0.0,0.0905157399321225,0.21430676570338114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183799503569147,0.0,0.20609838370747344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093439314617672,0.06600978865552141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827460872512918,0.0,0.0,0.07749980882677364,0.0,0.0,0.10178779937747648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277126043256744,0.0,0.0,0.0982157040306781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177295073952046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044513733421983,0.09621922984219,0.05078001594854063,0.07531743129093774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526407170827055,0.0451414325786506,0.0,0.08158991662343128,0.1635402279249297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064948371751356,0.0,0.09308216529921907,0.09311635315124997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792381897202551,0.0,0.07126372360912975,0.08923942803142529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067915064012322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849259946726609,0.2820086809660769,0.0996216360438759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827759784972807,0.18484779780131394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890815099924915,0.0,0.14695861896956006,0.0,0.0,0.07362995594952726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782892834196866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540041306449508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577462790066117,0.4042775743129192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506848782435157,0.0,0.1072822380978048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619893674102003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273278410718013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980297801433316,0.0,0.0,0.05449926191798757,0.0,0.14823363942090198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690699824934321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950185860748779
suicidewatch,trashed614188,2019/04/08,"I’m scared I might actually do it Can someone talk to me, please.",-1.9388095238095249,-0.7214782142857104,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,116.85714285714286,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.3374095238095247,51,2,12,1,3,18,13,14,0.191,0.6579999999999999,0.151,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.4105848281996157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463422173937819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618498644438626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212375044782343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564944851261533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33817757677449284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,largecockatoo,2019/04/08,cut myself for real its genuinely an addiction i didn't think it was... i started feeling extremely suicidal tonight and i  made 19 cuts on my arm. i really really really hope they don't scar but i'm sure they will and i hate that i don't want to look at these i hate myself so much for this but i didnt know what else to do and if my dad sees them he will just ridicule me i want to die,-0.5902325581395331,1.4066634651162817,2.1709767441860457,94.81530232558138,88.76744186046511,6.695813953488373,17.902325581395353,7.908726449838941,0.5307106976744191,302,8,74,7,10,105,58,86,0.297,0.633,0.069,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,3,0,2,7,5,0,1,0,8,2,1,1,1,16,21,7,2,4,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,3,17,2,7,15,1,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,2,2,48,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404244671357781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288888564171927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18423541057814308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151318767531054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354811859573705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904900140176453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120468716610018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520060853960035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868315709486127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212451051559335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510262627035999,0.423856556536686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574424919361736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610149894495393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123829033710364,0.0,0.20785920531902213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131507498863968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601639983038595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yggdrasill4,2019/04/08,"Anyone Still Care About Their Health? I use to be adamant about eating healthy and getting more than enough physical exercise. Infact at one point my doctor considered me to have athlete's lungs and a very strong muscular heart. I would work out 2 hours a day 4-5 times a week on average, mostly cardio, and girls loved my slim muscular physique. Now I dont like this body for other reasons and at a stage of completely destroying myself. Smoking so much now in hope that I would induce something major to give me an excuse to die like cancer. Eating the shittiest food everyday and being stagnant. Sleeping sporadically. I haven't gained any weight though and I've been doing this for over a year. From the very moment I wake up I am always hit by an wave of depression that makes me want to die. This is aside from flcutting myself and planning suicide. I wish I can just die peacefully.",4.53142857142857,6.652957857142859,4.893571428571431,81.35142857142857,71.61904761904762,8.133333333333335,27.47619047619048,8.841846274778883,2.27919761904762,712,26,127,14,14,225,122,168,0.203,0.667,0.13,-0.9517,0,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,1,4,8,8,1,0,9,0,12,17,7,4,0,19,22,9,4,5,1,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,17,6,22,16,5,19,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,2,12,84,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167221020762766,0.0,0.0,0.09539349779990194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808527674049172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558166587501421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302224148340714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707827055463138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046737075799087,0.0,0.1208207893414544,0.0,0.4367576367917371,0.0,0.0,0.14357994647153985,0.0,0.0,0.16440416368939967,0.0,0.0,0.2870777679531423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449441370152609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962408755252956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328919439038316,0.13456694256218474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491084032576681,0.0,0.16622949109195706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393271909219348,0.1381450626176878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706498362957972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660590393204332,0.0,0.09363630823273207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312008950135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505565193403658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260756179005628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442286142544096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037878830793404,0.0,0.0,0.10799245866440728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202577800028106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344079690110848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782191343289607,0.0,0.0817969275958021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115470478333296,0.0,0.2314872267134702,0.0827392931050444,0.0,0.11252213432293727,0.17082018160106546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131218092180702,0.0,0.0,0.10212367729307456,0.0,0.0,0.19929819632561888,0.0,0.0,0.09033409896501644
suicidewatch,redditanon001,2019/04/08,"I don’t know anymore Sexual assault trigger warning. Kinda new to reddit, not sure if I should put a trigger warning or not but I’d rather put one than not, and risk upsetting someone. 


Not sure if this post will make me feel better or worse but I feel so alone and I have nobody to talk to and I guess I don’t really care if anyone replies or tries to give me advice because I’m not sure what kind of advice could even help me. I guess I just need somewhere to put all of my thoughts because I feel like I’m going to go fucking crazy any moment if I don’t let it out SOMEWHERE. 

I’m alone and scared and I’m in such a weird mental space right now, I’ve never felt this way before. A few months ago I wrote a suicide note and planned to kill myself in March (I was unsure if I wanted to die or not so I gave myself a deadline sort of.. no pun intended?) anyways I never told anyone, and before the date I had planned to do it on, things got better-ish to the point where I didn’t necessarily want to die anymore. but I still have no idea who I am, a little over exactly a year ago I was sexually assaulted and it was probably the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. It took a long time for me to come to terms with and when I finally accepted what happened it broke me into a million pieces and I’ve been trying to pick them all up again ever since. I still see him really often as he comes into my work frequently but my management team can’t do anything unless he’s harassing me, but if he’s just a paying customer then he’s free to do as he pleases. He hasn’t spoken to me when he comes in but he does just kind of stare at me and smile like he’d do it all over again if he could. There was one time I saw him and sheer terror washed over my face and he laughed. Like actually laughed to himself, and every time I see him it’s like im there again; it’s happening again, I can feel it all over again and it feels so real, like for a few moments I’m actually being raped again. I haven’t been the same since it happened, I feel like I’m an entirely different person but not necessarily in a good way. I just feel like the old me is quite literally dead and there’s no way for me to get back to who I was before it happened and I’m trying to find myself again but it’s so hard. I keep trying to move on and forget what happened or at least forgive him for the sake of my own happiness but I have no idea how. How can you forgive someone who feels no shame for destroying you? He worked with me prior to the assault and was fired kind of shortly after (I confided in a manager who I was very close to at the time, she ended up going forward a few weeks later and the company I worked for forced a statement out of me so they could fire him — which at the time I hated them for, because I didn’t want anyone to know I just needed to talk to someone, but if I still had to see him daily as opposed to biweekly, I’d probably be dead by now so it’s for the best.) and when he was fired a few other girls I knew came forward and told me they had been raped by him as well, some much more brutally than I was and that has always held such a heavy weight on me because I’m angry at myself for not reporting it to the police but how often do victims ever really get justice? I wasn’t and am still not ready to face a judge and a room full of people and tell them what he did to me and for what? For him to be arrested for a few months maybe a year? What good does that do anyone? Sure he gets a year maybe even a few, but I’ve got the rest of my life with this and it wouldn’t matter how long he served time it would still never come close to the damage he’s done to me as well as these other girls. Maybe that should be my motivation to go through with it but the process just seems so emotionally exhausting, to re live it all over again, to face him again, and what if I don’t even win? It was a year ago and I have very little proof apart from the other girls, and my statements from work when he was fired, but they don’t want to go to the police either and what good is my statement if it’s all I have? I don’t know what to fucking do anymore and idk if any of this matters to anyone but I’m starting to feel like i want to die again. I’m so scared I’ll fall back down the hole I was in a few months ago, when I literally couldn’t leave my apartment for An entire month because I was having panic attacks over desperately wanting to kill myself but not having the balls to do it and I’m scared that this time around i will. 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suicidewatch,WorthySparkleMan,2019/04/08,"When you're feeling particularly down one day, what do you do to cope? Every day is quite the battle for me, but some days are especially difficult and really the only reassurance is the thought of death. That's probably not my best bet and I'm wondering what you do to cope when the pile becomes too big to clean and you're too shrouded in this feeling of dread to simply exist.",3.911200000000001,5.665209653333335,5.333000000000002,79.09150000000002,72.46666666666667,8.733333333333334,27.166666666666664,9.2995712137729,2.3508666666666667,304,11,59,7,6,102,53,75,0.213,0.6759999999999999,0.111,-0.9069,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,4,5,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,11,6,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,4,2,9,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,5,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023270031239575,0.0,0.0,0.28727578795576003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296236566731274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306398006677328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768247916689428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854949526477228,0.20819345059391664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951406349287312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911587661124578,0.0,0.0,0.17536640793616468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173209092468686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968619843757345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kid-m,2019/04/08,"I want an easy way out, i want an off switch, im done I have some kind of weirdo hero worship love for everyone ive ever met. Overcoming obstacles and living life seems more and more and more like it was meant for others, for you, but im not part of this. Everyone else feels like a real person except for me. Im just tired, i am so tired.  I was born tired. Im just in the bathtub waiting and ready to go, but i love you all. However fucked up you feel. I just dont think i was meant to be here",-0.5113608562691141,1.386500302752296,1.809380733944956,98.268627675841,87.25688073394495,5.468195718654433,16.422782874617738,6.816661863887847,-0.36672538226299706,379,8,95,5,12,128,69,109,0.171,0.622,0.207,0.107,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,1,6,8,1,0,4,0,9,7,0,0,2,25,23,7,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,2,13,7,13,15,6,8,1,0,0,3,7,4,1,2,4,60,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393568772127846,0.15959903286104973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375883949354924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123180358224682,0.0,0.2602469018326337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771088607083068,0.0972852436075221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258939178707018,0.0,0.0,0.07739281973356238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5883803355921389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418079258483224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618620577763062,0.13305891003907105,0.0,0.12024724023963365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581104722174296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746697786095925,0.0,0.0,0.11890495309767725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499982461543238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239708947809522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725705271969421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695480613773684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606420526443569,0.10809137251206573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whybeare15,2019/04/08,15M and I don’t know how to live I’m already a failure. A fucking idiot. I go around school acting like the happy guy telling jokes and fake laughing at everyone else’s jokes. But I just can’t do it anymore. My life is a joke. I’m angry at myself for being such a disappointment. Getting straight A’s then almost failing classes. Coming home and doing nothing. All I do is play games. At least I smile when doing it. At least it brings me temporary “happiness”. I don’t know how to live. Please help. Anything will help. I just need someone to talk to. I’m starting to fall into drug addiction just to escape from everything. I don’t want to fall down that path. I’m sorry if this is confusing. I just typed what came into my head. Thanks to anyone who reads this or responds. Thank you,0.4608061749571206,2.9221388113207567,2.219831332189827,92.0200728987993,91.70440251572329,4.651915380217266,21.063750714694113,6.351523495107088,0.4296893081761009,617,22,124,7,22,202,102,159,0.13,0.629,0.241,0.936,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,9,16,2,1,6,0,13,5,1,2,1,24,30,10,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,8,8,0,0,2,6,0,7,4,6,0,0,1,0,14,10,18,27,3,19,0,2,0,1,9,9,1,4,4,77,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715752445959882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760051445917786,0.0,0.17368065382847994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608577969660106,0.110048767464666,0.0,0.1295162292025419,0.14010794774756707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000899204215434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557510942319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825191480350683,0.0,0.131476783580997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039018392858344,0.14144943842748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550190093130005,0.08222829948758674,0.0,0.08944675469733222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155838040929152,0.0,0.3350831343798146,0.0,0.0,0.16152464080944856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21098660257917032,0.0,0.15787216230619788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729917432651281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116721141674353,0.07689142046725213,0.0,0.277951506038262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670059100155453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101723267800826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276384824372595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742975943909784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592842167548995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335363690584368,0.0,0.0,0.17618204936314605,0.11139944774487226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12650184410826204,0.13756332215866207,0.2898019177578819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283102958661467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Darrenx77,2019/04/08,"13 and terrified This is about the only time I'm saying my actual age on Reddit, and currently I'm in middle school. I've been depressed and thinking about ending it all, and I hate this terrible town and school district. It's always about school, always about studying, tests, just the same damn loop every day that I just want to break. I'm absolutely terrified about high school, and it doesn't help having teachers constantly tell us about how most of us will fail in high school, as well as having such a broken family. I understand school is important, and would actually enjoy school, and frankly my own life if these teachers weren't so damn power hungry all the time and if my family was together again. I've asked my mother about getting professional help, but she always refuses and screams at me. I'm to scared to bring it up with my mom again. The only thing I have to keep me happy is my best friend Ian and my grandparents. I just want it to stop.",7.29241935483871,6.854964370967743,7.270451612903226,76.06567741935488,63.89247311827957,10.880860215053763,30.42795698924732,10.355215969177356,2.8843286021505383,767,22,145,16,10,246,108,186,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.112,-0.6928,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,3,16,13,3,1,5,0,12,1,0,1,2,31,25,18,0,5,6,2,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,10,12,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,8,1,0,3,2,17,5,21,20,6,21,0,2,0,0,12,9,2,3,10,94,27,10,0.0,0.0,0.19647321839283302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512893792982221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411018871835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564395487519153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878541786037577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492197861453174,0.0,0.08670446190815048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916120823415903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481640888551809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980004469028075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777518420482264,0.0,0.05259442681955514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716204457242108,0.0,0.09938796155661506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495012664018313,0.2127207250960524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947758119833968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110417948597571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790014006037612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312379547448146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005455181321856,0.1007853706815092,0.7131636545667922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416223830042273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798751920463653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687877605801039,0.06450343984190385,0.0,0.0,0.11739964010482755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479804505462124,0.24218035405052996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875217711182788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051185030884752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715110494057533,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ta_bi_se_xual,2019/04/08,"I hate it when people congratulate me So just for a bit of background: I got delayed at uni because of two failed suicide attempts in 2017. Now I've completed all my units for my degree and am set to graduate with honors this year. I'm not really happy about this or anything, it's more of a 'so I can get it over with' deal.

The thing is I hate it when people (especially those who know the circumstances which caused my delay) congratulate me. I honestly would have preferred to have died when I tried to kms. When people congratulate me it just reminds me of my failure to not get caught while trying to catch the bus, and it makes me want to try again even more.",5.552954545454547,5.7917985378787895,6.131363636363638,80.49204545454549,67.4090909090909,9.327272727272726,29.37878787878788,9.188382445141503,2.2475878787878787,525,17,106,9,8,171,84,132,0.18,0.7070000000000001,0.114,-0.9004,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,12,6,2,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,1,18,16,10,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,0,15,3,18,13,4,16,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,10,77,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577091067739842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168261991782508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922882836961346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968742046161591,0.0,0.0,0.20093817612805787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757958562827574,0.0,0.0,0.1988992722853962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265810000417889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025523818255897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327756960336694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20401173715235954,0.0,0.37842336379638697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532414924986984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792582428864685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985915842405349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227739406920996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096306528263948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732171485397106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39034708788946665,0.0,0.1872112183697235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303833386099665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614049146847418,0.0,0.0,0.12341434951439402
suicidewatch,paper-machine,2019/04/08,"Approaching hopelessness I don't feel like there's a place for me. I'm fucking weird. I can't make friends and I can't beat anxiety and I can't stop dissociating. I tried to see some people I'm kind of acquainted with recently but I got too nervous and derealized entirely. 

My mental health issues are really deeply ingrained and have existed since my early childhood. I don't think I can beat this.

Life is fucking horrible ",2.9420189701897,5.6902091097561005,4.656016260162605,77.90917344173445,79.85365853658539,9.01029810298103,28.62330623306233,9.444778638647367,3.302402168021679,345,16,62,11,9,116,59,82,0.203,0.7609999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9103,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,1,1,0,9,4,0,1,0,11,18,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,1,2,11,3,4,17,1,6,0,1,1,2,1,1,2,1,5,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362525246609446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136833616745865,0.17148024367830755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854495714391764,0.4438148873055929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919770122187903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551447778163497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505329960460662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24995833672461998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954302002657076,0.1172684236117064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022447117416266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418976829654805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664092613943501,0.0,0.2507843040668714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377184263416518,0.0,0.2370044873262204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912759159726816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855849653524055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067906214238745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380401084658604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296724053241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dobley1,2019/04/08,"Job slavery increases thoughts of suicide I don’t see a point for working for a living at some dead end job that I won’t enjoy doing for my whole life. My life projection consists of staying at my dads place until he’s passed away then it will probably be a matter of time until I’m homeless unless my sister gets a job. I just feel like a burden at this point amounting for nothing. 

I got in contact with disability employment services to find work just to keep my dad happy. So I’ll just ride it out with this employment crap while my dad is alive then after that just die from starvation out in a secluded area in my town. And I’m surprisingly comforted with this thought that one day this rat race will be over.",6.380437062937063,6.104485391608398,6.729501748251749,78.65271416083918,65.71328671328672,9.9472027972028,33.259615384615394,9.516144504307137,2.901112587412588,573,22,112,10,8,186,92,143,0.14800000000000002,0.735,0.117,-0.836,5,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,6,0,8,3,1,0,0,18,17,8,3,0,5,4,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,3,2,11,5,27,9,4,28,0,0,1,0,6,15,1,1,10,73,20,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156855268471324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107669108675979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326801573792694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478683802298114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441506965238517,0.11926930179004548,0.0,0.0,0.15258951651972136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722462219778962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335253771275731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777216602025359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970171278074216,0.14839306533321464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358438172023989,0.08156346589071715,0.0,0.14742014157275604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601932807534647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312981943213833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442749207932212,0.0,0.3156439246990946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800006213645292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303774509505814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779467677312186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826164914316912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650797218037209,0.09735004137826886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639400735299808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430835607740358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DerAmerikanische,2019/04/08,"Giving myself till the end of the month I'm giving myself till the end of the month, that is when I will run out of money. I applied to a bunch of jobs and if I don't hear back I will jump in front of a train, or off a bridge or something. Tbh even if I do get a job, I still might end it who knows. ",5.443238095238095,1.914688657142861,6.4899999999999975,90.09166666666668,69.57142857142857,9.333333333333334,26.190476190476193,3.1291,0.4539047619047616,226,2,63,0,3,77,44,70,0.0,0.921,0.079,0.5859,2,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,8,12,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,11,9,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,5,10,46,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622606817435759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.560700933045195,0.0,0.0,0.13937614193823894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024878335450754,0.4048575460713071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378338903538071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188078416884493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597059251015425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238579446206746,0.0,0.0,0.3368669047777978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245283193855292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852014586332764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CheerFairy,2019/04/08,"I left my abuser and now my children and I are about to be homeless left my abusive husband after he hurt my five year old and was finally able to get a military protective order after he almost broke my arm while I was nursing our baby. The Navy Marine Relief Corp society paid our tickets to come to Hawaii big island where my mom lives in a studio to get away from him. I have been living with my 3 children ages 5, 2, and 3 months old at the domestic violence shelter here on the island since the 23 of March. They gave us 30 days. In that time I have applied for SNAP and TANF and will be getting benefits on the 10. I am also pursuing child support but that can take 90 days. As if April 24 my children and I will be living on the street. There is a homeless outreach here called Hope Services but there is a wait list and the homeless shelter is full currently. I called crying and begging them but was told that they have families living in their cars and that I just have to wait.

I need advice. If and when we have nowhere to go, what should I do? Is it safe to pop a tent somewhere? Is it legal? How can I keep my children safe? Anyone who has been in this situation I need advice. I am terrified and panicking and I am trying my best to do whatever I can do. I am so stressed out that my breast milk has dried up almost and I spent my last $30 on formula but it's almost all gone and I will have to wait until tomorrow to go to WIC and try to get vouchers. I just don't know what to do. I know I did the right thing by getting away from my husband and I probably saved all our lives, but right now I feel like a failure. Any advice at all on how to survive would help so much. Please help us .

Because I want to die. But I can't because I'm my children's only protection. But I'm so tired and think about ending it everyday",2.5635683202785025,3.8658493472584894,4.08508355091384,88.51338685813751,75.10966057441253,7.09100087032202,25.56040034812881,7.675431598112923,1.2406571627502183,1432,49,309,19,30,477,195,383,0.108,0.775,0.116,-0.3884,1,0,0,0,2,1,28.0,6,0,4,2,18,12,0,1,14,0,41,4,2,2,3,58,70,37,1,8,11,3,1,1,0,5,1,0,1,6,14,22,1,8,4,1,2,5,2,3,0,1,11,1,51,9,43,51,6,52,0,2,0,1,29,23,0,6,24,214,65,3,0.09282443025545772,0.21996354217911004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27212087680814845,0.0,0.0,0.2788507753190127,0.0,0.0,0.07423166333874659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312379565905599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490499991012091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442321563678953,0.0,0.0,0.11316982223702915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741351274085586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18956824336859585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996002742831344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196327793616866,0.11972815668250596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963371035176297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221489345575397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750661168211096,0.0,0.04693482099922067,0.06631379152169714,0.0,0.10168462612254824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424846681070192,0.0,0.1055085257080226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443651789043987,0.0,0.0,0.0921956038131095,0.0,0.0,0.0993704724289982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825066186359925,0.0,0.0,0.10202775859965764,0.07566429976986785,0.0,0.0,0.2017080301463443,0.0,0.0,0.04534932787973698,0.0,0.4098283626898347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087148508354186,0.07409157463318478,0.0,0.06823663675359509,0.13765627772067374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480724960646809,0.0,0.0,0.0705971620383005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189334976724276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000804356175043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854311250818148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678532792850952,0.10433854879830354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063300712366142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053360634346278,0.0,0.0,0.06979241940922366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061668426852408,0.059478146821478874,0.0,0.0,0.05412667175625168,0.10668802755333222,0.0,0.08869772101265762,0.0,0.12604338997565356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331272085333803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054750253962727966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593981199046524,0.0,0.0,0.05977588971602318
suicidewatch,Fbow132,2019/04/08,"Well, fuck. A story about my 26th birthday So I went to a nightclub on my 26th birthday on my most recent birthday with my partner, his brother and his brothers’ girlfriend. As a birthday gift, we decided to do ecstasy, which was the first time for me. Everyone else had a wonderful time, was into the repetitive  loud music, etc. When it hit, I just fucking hated every thing. It was like having a eurofuckboi playing shitty techno in my head for four hours at best. The rest was a deep sense of how alienated I am from everything and everyone.

Thing is...it was just another shitty panic attack. It was just another induced sense of alienation from everyone around me, no matter how kind the people are around me, no matter how loved I am, there’s just something that feels broken in my brain and I feel like I’m imposing myself on everyone and I just want to fucking disappear.

In a strange way, it was empowering. There’s nothing that shitty club drug did that was even remotely close to how my own brain fucks me up on a regular basis. A bad trip is no worse than the alienation I already subject myself to. 

Sorry to my partner and everyone else who had been wonderful. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.",4.458744588744589,6.202168575757575,5.45482683982684,78.8117640692641,71.03463203463204,8.596536796536796,30.58225108225109,9.150863307647796,2.8415991341991336,955,41,170,20,18,314,128,231,0.225,0.635,0.141,-0.9672,1,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,2,18,16,6,1,14,0,19,9,3,5,0,32,34,12,0,1,5,2,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,12,12,0,0,7,3,0,3,4,9,1,2,13,3,26,7,29,20,5,25,0,0,0,5,10,14,4,3,9,130,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802805198204615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430433116146933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042613872445008,0.0,0.1216773199040878,0.0,0.0,0.08930337353957851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224319682747376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23879541680152794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240344218952343,0.0,0.17869518918618366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928365300459265,0.07064309790046379,0.0,0.09011462026373178,0.5110028104754194,0.09612470533440738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815982717905402,0.07640902935044408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097629220883856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955145388516486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559641149803477,0.10976719790948164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532962127304156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137769271548874,0.0587799447332954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450610786903934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653151302988212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262668521680747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548923239605522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414947556244404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560565135578336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233956795796632,0.0,0.11972792376215123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211296109707838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473322233466648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630851240139629,0.08489629617544191,0.0,0.0,0.09616583780337573,0.0991488184578648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319773509629106,0.0,0.0,0.10899679022328597,0.0,0.11693904722677115,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,khp-pental-wh,2019/04/08,"I’m planning to kill myself after I finish high school in June. That’s it, I’m dying after I’m graduated from high school in June. I wanted to die before this, but I didn’t want to get up on the school’s bulletin board of suicide kids with one paragraphs of “how they such a great person and all.” I’m gonna get school crap all done and over with, so there’s no mess of it when I die. I’m gonna finish community volunteering for theft I did back in February, so a criminal record doesn’t get under my name and affect my mom’s case to get PR in Canada. I mean stealing was an impulsive thing, it was my first time and the first time i also got caught. I was just mad at how unfair the world felt like to me and how my family was so poor (which I don’t blame on my mom bc she works hard everyday. We immigrated here 11 years ago and the Canadian gov’t has kept denying Permanent Residency bc we’re Asian immigrants from SK where my mom is just a cook at a restaurant and my dad was deported a few years ago after trial bc of domestic violence. I don’t miss him one bit.) 


I’m gonna trash my journals bc they’re personal and I don’t want anyone to read them, gonna erase my social media with my name, wipe my phone and chrome book so my personal notes don’t get found. I was gonna die on my birthday which is in November, and sort go full circle on life but I figured that wouldn’t work out since I was planning to repeat/upgrade some courses and that means my mother will need to pay for it when I’m gonna die anyways. So I’ve set it to August 1st, because it’s a nice date. I’m not sure where I’d die, that’s something I still need to think about. I have my suicide method figured out already, which is overdosing on my prescription pills, I’ve saved them up over the last few months so I can just go when I want to. They didn’t do much anyway for my sleep. I thought I should prob quit therapy with my psychologist and psychiatrist but I think they’ll get onto what I’ll do, bc where I go it’s a teen mental health centre where suicidal kids come in often. I don’t want them to ruin my plan so I’ll play along as if I’m getting better. I thought of doing things I wanted to do before I die, but I don’t have anything in mind that I want to do, so I guess I’ll just enjoy myself before dying. 


Well I think the hardest thing for me is to say goodbye to my cats. I won’t really miss my family since we aren’t close anyway, and basically it’s every man for himself in my household. I don’t really have anything that I’ll miss about them, except for my mom. But I’ll make sure to give my two cats a good warm hug and a little snuggle, and tell them I’ll miss them a lot. I know nobody here will read this since so many post in here, but I’m here to say bye. 


I’m sick of the pointlessness in life and I feel detached from reality. I hate school, just to go to university and go to a job for the rest of my life. Everything is so bland and empty and boring and I’m just apathetic with all of it. My therapist once said that I didn’t want to get better, and that’s why we never do much or get much done during therapy. Yeah, partly she’s right, I wanna die. But you know what I tried hard enough and I tried my best, I tried to control my brain and act like a normal functioning human being that has no trouble going to school everyday. And you know what I tried to react better to my mental illness and make progress. Y’all told me to be positive all the time with a positive mindset and not choose to be a victim but a survivor and every other motivational bs they throw at me, but not once did medical professionals acknowledge the effort I’ve put in in trying to get better over my 18 yrs of life and try to be positive. I’m sick of so many people telling me to see my reality and wake up or be grateful or be positive or try harder or any other bs. I’m done, and I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m done with all this shit.",2.695028497561548,3.5953235842293942,4.5077869831756665,87.18313766966331,74.20908004778974,7.734641674990697,23.398730830248546,8.143615144173715,1.0652247840648688,3068,81,690,47,61,1046,328,837,0.191,0.6970000000000001,0.112,-0.9977,2,0,2,0,1,4,64.0,3,3,10,17,43,33,6,0,26,1,54,19,5,9,8,128,132,64,13,15,25,6,5,2,0,12,12,3,0,7,32,45,1,2,18,5,2,11,20,15,1,5,25,9,99,18,97,89,18,82,0,5,1,1,45,41,2,11,31,421,131,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454879130198216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262721056344434,0.03813775525014762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03243090294662468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333460263417134,0.0,0.07848977667203827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03667074269475765,0.0,0.0290714419430616,0.0,0.12174228611066272,0.0,0.05004781706176205,0.16871206965335386,0.0520652369035934,0.0,0.0,0.05323792297915378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041080797852260535,0.0,0.0,0.05348850163443224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44545314481605697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521411728865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049276621034321975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036193118201497,0.0,0.04286078625403742,0.0,0.0899159627845787,0.0,0.024113547177427305,0.0,0.0457899742181838,0.0,0.0,0.08113034835285239,0.0,0.052289732439822434,0.0,0.0,0.24916108593653735,0.04574868890133848,0.1626202950037958,0.04000019272471336,0.038142129053595236,0.052578502935452215,0.052536021104569966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544192352191568,0.04708409983328818,0.0,0.05069234555922302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077441674187708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473250649389434,0.0,0.05276202909609625,0.0,0.0786276942584119,0.03887379611350826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347397102444705,0.04659794728143588,0.047798008224822636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040544417085076966,0.0,0.0,0.06366702332156414,0.09670055104349172,0.0,0.10389699812917708,0.0,0.04804275787988925,0.09612080670283456,0.0,0.04815340546213583,0.2234162720723164,0.03806578234093709,0.0,0.10517313102871577,0.07072320883340791,0.036781544648934926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672617183280259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101576798822229,0.06463209114875428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164373027029815,0.0,0.033062310171715015,0.12492346587658518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045673932452058565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794172197817595,0.0,0.050724290988869186,0.09540601001117616,0.0,0.061102997684713375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040727084302565886,0.045364205440292335,0.07585016234658548,0.0,0.2895895597976666,0.03800283475377776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895320169602577,0.11834922908744568,0.0,0.047724540606834315,0.04861405056962552,0.0,0.03671416843587394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03808537497459257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649568494041674,0.0,0.08989470856696738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336649778161648,0.0,0.10907556976573787,0.055371881102863715,0.09504954883845984,0.09167367013690073,0.0,0.07572122375560608,0.083425441399244,0.10962550749758514,0.0,0.045569933678974064,0.0,0.22664912916594265,0.0,0.04658629745902457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250308498124731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287912669996565,0.0,0.04303289697668361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943792068074316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061421720848320725
suicidewatch,NaniTheHeck,2019/04/08,"Wah I can't afford therapy 
Everything would be way more simple if i were nooot doing this. Things are too hard. So fuckin gd hard. Ive been so fucked for so long. I know ill kms some day. Rad. Nice. Fuck me. 
God why cant things just feel good. Why cant things just be good. And happy. I dont want to hurt the few who care. And im gonna haunt the asses off the fuckers who pretended they gave a damn. 
God please i just wish i felt good ",-1.8921874999999984,-0.028083343749999656,0.18100000000000094,105.164,101.1875,3.8100000000000014,10.566666666666666,5.6839178017228535,-1.6232533333333332,333,4,87,3,15,108,69,96,0.21600000000000005,0.526,0.258,0.5959,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,12,5,0,4,0,12,6,1,0,0,13,22,6,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,4,9,6,3,14,3,4,0,1,0,5,4,1,6,2,2,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270258020691895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924138925800304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985217332033914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223521061146972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856477739672697,0.0,0.1626392555582747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131933612306571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262244090335022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803169107695526,0.3034771491431205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133359370350988,0.0,0.1829683455949236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309133624985737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990324504393418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859374000761113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937101927789412,0.0,0.33760202158179203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990956130690684,0.13445248527358505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056930451829965,0.0,0.19478809432051503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032853204867668,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilostthegame69,2019/04/08,"I'm giving myself 1 more month. If things do not get better I am truly done here, I thought I'd never even make it to 21 so I guess it went better than expected even if it was mostly shit. Truly always wished the best and tried to make things better. I've realized that trying to help can make things much much much worse than they ever were before so I try not to do or say much anymore. But will always wish the best for everyone,every race, and every religion.  Just do one thing for me and others please. truly try to be the best person you can be and understand others a bit more before you try and cut them down. Try to find the good in a person instead of the bad even if they dont tickle your fancy if they did no wrong to you and your just pissed and want to bring others down just to lift you up a bit just dont. It doesnt help it creates a shit world and the shit cycle continues. Be a positive change even if you're feeling negative. Take care. ",2.8991666666666696,4.029591250000003,4.124000000000001,89.24366666666668,74.0,6.933333333333335,19.833333333333336,7.3011,0.3226833333333339,750,13,162,8,15,246,108,200,0.174,0.632,0.194,0.5951,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,4,6,13,15,5,0,11,0,17,4,4,3,2,37,34,17,0,9,13,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,13,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,8,7,0,1,6,2,16,8,18,24,12,11,0,0,0,0,16,5,4,8,4,119,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533376979322056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137929855422534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769340425109222,0.0,0.0,0.15681072745160918,0.0,0.2900894736902488,0.24447417671852256,0.20118862396845796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394408116398636,0.0,0.09747315849474487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429242516759423,0.2159775701617164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343354037208176,0.08334697893870945,0.15526584834229035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658935274421333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421537575554673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813996728650142,0.08839022268797272,0.0,0.07728365615294823,0.0,0.0,0.10150390570946208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235205909564581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845148736855526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354621648641146,0.0,0.27093749775628473,0.0,0.07106496383619534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062437253029786824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090826109571368,0.0,0.1011433539860396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327437027968492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28374481344367225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927870560713108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485804190924776,0.0,0.0,0.0731498103082033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753469065163585,0.0,0.0,0.09592222533249466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054347259463227764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854158035895973,0.0,0.0,0.21191563577915293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389974152405274,0.0,0.10074192355727678,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DickKickem3,2019/04/08,"You guys. I'm here always. Look, I know something's fucked, the world is hella cruel but if you only think about it like that you'll never feel any better, please, please keep going, you guys aren't alone, **I'm here. Always.**",-0.718,1.0171638666666674,0.5199999999999996,100.24000000000002,110.33333333333334,2.0,7.222222222222222,3.1291,-2.366777777777778,174,1,36,0,9,54,35,45,0.162,0.62,0.218,0.4413,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,12,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,11,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,1,1,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346963822652249,0.0,0.0,0.3771101475189123,0.0,0.0,0.15410044622122013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041536662790685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457924517654333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949440517757525,0.0,0.0,0.1287859096715835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487528682378655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141860316326585,0.0,0.0,0.12453721265494401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110708673157827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902927032674371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747731924835759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234474033871156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974926017096794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744530439969771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520053602458247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aqua_aquors,2019/04/08,"I'm thinking of killing myself next year. At a time when everyone is possibly too busy to realize that I'm here. At a time when high school graduation is over and everyone is busy with college. I'll give myself one more year. One more. Iv been trying to kill myself for some time now. 

Some years are better then others, but for the most part there's nothing fulfilling enough to live through life entirely. 

Looking at the state of the earth, does it even matter if I was gone anyway? This world is probably going to be unlivable sooner than expected. 

I'll try to find a solid reason to live, just so I dont end up disappointing anyone that I got therapy but I'm not better.

But until then, I've been a lot more careless about school and my grades again. I fall asleep in classes often, and its starting to get harder to vent about it to friends in fear of losing them.

I don't know. I thought things were getting better. But now I feel better off dead.",3.241488095238097,5.120525751322752,4.188303571428573,86.07388392857143,74.55555555555556,7.264682539682537,24.510912698412696,8.07648339933343,1.3976690476190474,753,24,149,12,16,243,123,189,0.113,0.767,0.119,-0.1895,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,5,15,11,2,1,7,0,12,3,1,1,0,25,27,14,3,2,7,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,6,0,2,7,2,12,5,28,19,9,31,0,2,1,0,3,10,0,6,17,102,20,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726631607303892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415182980074871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092173939387118,0.0,0.14627012523195593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053987964188072,0.1289565701809958,0.0,0.08243229704182127,0.0,0.0,0.2385123909580908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043993374012936,0.06310498312643575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114069192916622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964237662476231,0.0,0.13041056140017582,0.11972399663696168,0.0709293611092118,0.0,0.09981768309005226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318629694188162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761557170603631,0.0,0.06858937402750895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881532181772657,0.0,0.0,0.22040959238094246,0.0,0.10480447667701888,0.13962448426145632,0.0,0.10610445394860936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273116562518425,0.0,0.0,0.11975343171004707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691417273185913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515127837948673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406984953725082,0.0,0.0,0.13456052599058205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283199707087722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526179461163435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833737661248517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427249989171363,0.0,0.08291466661862124,0.07996978302364073,0.0,0.09908095462378996,0.2183237925585209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946833562536545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411103162805263
suicidewatch,spaghettitosser,2019/04/08,"i'm not sure who to talk to right now I sort of got hit all at once with the realization that i treat people like shit and i've had the first panic attack i've had in like 2 years. i'm on meds for panic and the attack happened through them, which does not happen for me.

i feel like i thoroughly actively hurt the people around me. i don't know why i've changed. I thought about suicide tonight for the first time in a year. I won't do it but I thought about ways I could do it where my family would not find me. What holds me back is hurting my family. I know they love me but I don't know how to stop being such a piece of shit

I hate myself so fucking much. I'm so selfish. ",0.5502876318312531,2.215703093959732,2.340580057526367,97.23786912751676,81.81879194630872,5.599424736337488,19.367689357622247,6.5431188927421005,-0.1675948226270374,527,13,130,5,14,174,88,149,0.244,0.664,0.092,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,2,2,10,17,6,2,7,0,11,4,2,1,2,24,27,7,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,7,0,0,0,6,11,0,2,5,1,22,6,17,17,3,17,0,2,0,2,5,7,3,1,12,82,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671447096944144,0.0,0.2983099718707193,0.0,0.10081443811132536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869553858127798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467956693166793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473403937233458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471950824890718,0.0,0.06629245908103186,0.09366402635333756,0.0,0.0,0.11983090604240527,0.22304185522095166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120780915898938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485954268544373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318778443683289,0.0,0.0,0.12944262155206038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807089848056116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161616109777912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215915170122924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833065093511595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456321236514833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963799233385816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962640440159527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076554399427378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817884219236337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196604753965686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691622345265857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961267934940198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341155359592758,0.0,0.12356832541948674,0.0,0.0,0.10538014473208884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081712031186833,0.07645049232537474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040679222059916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183051394709578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313580397507927,0.0,0.0,0.16885930908727825
suicidewatch,lislkdfwoie,2019/04/08,"Done Have a plan, have most of my stuff in line and taken care of, and have a script for the voicemail I'll leave for one of my friends.

​

I just wish I could bring myself to ruin all the lives of those around me.",3.740141843971632,3.9535020212765986,3.5753191489361704,97.33333333333334,71.34042553191489,6.266666666666668,22.04964539007092,3.1291,-0.34978865248226976,173,3,42,0,3,52,35,47,0.098,0.725,0.17600000000000002,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,6,2,9,6,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978457060915162,0.3340242485391412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447124389643858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280271033532109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194791435955794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131027658719265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238111898475376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291071267959636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427349484805668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186274145435706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31468593076910456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161125933935149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340242485391412,0.0
suicidewatch,teaganrice,2019/04/08,"I'll never make my dream My dream is to be a mom. It's all I want really, family is everything to me. But I dont think it'll ever happen, or at least not anytime soon. I'm 16 right now (dont want them until I'm married and at least 20) but even then I dont think I can wait 10+ years just filling time until its socially acceptable to settle down. I just really wish I could one day find a husband and I can be a homemaker. I know this seems to traditional and trust me I've tried to deny my dream for so long. Everyone around me is always telling me I should get a career and be an ""independent woman"" but I just dont see how I could be happy slaving away for a salary. I know I can probably never find someone who would complete my dream with me. The only reason why I haven't ended it yet is because my parents would be sad. But it seems more and more compelling each day to just kill myself and get this all over with. Any advice is welcome please. ",2.122647058823528,3.3227874901960766,4.190343137254903,87.72904411764708,76.05882352941177,7.256862745098039,22.553921568627448,7.8658589789855275,0.9268980392156864,744,20,165,11,16,256,116,204,0.1,0.76,0.14,0.8448,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,0,12,6,1,0,7,0,24,0,0,5,5,48,41,16,1,8,10,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,10,4,0,1,8,2,0,1,0,1,26,4,18,30,7,23,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,3,15,116,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453064093550658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752332870372983,0.0,0.0,0.07970291210193335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433663516719736,0.0,0.0,0.11011725514355347,0.0,0.0,0.07144662563598009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288643084153902,0.0,0.0,0.1871561202941024,0.0,0.0,0.1511740960530032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494500530933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380818133888137,0.0,0.0,0.07741230465620873,0.10601795818137716,0.0,0.11199368776391767,0.1053356264871077,0.0,0.11048974014344956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424513038789605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224687710009564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364333509916214,0.12476610822056228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966914224642287,0.0,0.12882478613212406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372207694744416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782347499226583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726820622623734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807902928236237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942063605616395,0.08913911690253958,0.0,0.0,0.13014145433065982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865507556190506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636600951927668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150168093119227,0.12050549387145625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000917928704566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339661627644844,0.21339670265646893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947497748819455,0.09930678441691417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024416843383904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019950744733504,0.0,0.0,0.06834274327639889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957399525307206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826021181360293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575860964676398,0.0,0.13477910836177734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651707915286218,0.0,0.0,0.07547569714571735
suicidewatch,Anon6621,2019/04/08,Isolation I’m driving everyone away even the one person I love most in life I don’t want anyone to get hurt when I disappear. Life isn’t something really worth living to me all we do is work and pay taxes until we die practically. It’s inevitable we’re all just a working class nothing but tools to the higher ups we don’t mean that much in this so called life after all we repopulate faster than we die so another won’t make much of a difference. So someone please tell what’s the point of living a unhappy life?,2.929333333333332,4.79055736190476,4.580952380952382,82.99904761904762,75.38095238095238,8.095238095238095,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.9098571428571431,413,14,82,9,9,139,72,105,0.17,0.748,0.08199999999999999,-0.8586,0,1,1,0,0,0,4.0,5,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,6,0,6,5,0,1,3,15,12,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,9,1,12,11,6,11,0,1,0,1,9,5,0,1,4,52,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336056781247214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560101135965005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533086942560034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688181240692426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.343168218581592,0.17273231725309499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919742388068683,0.0,0.0,0.15797775623693394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863769290846557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769867826513492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671035347645759,0.0,0.0,0.2919748757502223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921475500721038,0.0,0.11035756120999134,0.0,0.0,0.1800903942479673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430698476672092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863644121156198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203036647486156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435781992831742,0.0,0.18148022956978815,0.15628816848247126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591319423003066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008167151670034,0.12727738408538336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450374623814471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975145942385573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407211514543719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EmptyTomorrow,2019/04/08,"Really Depressed I've recently gotten the feeling that I should have never been born.

I have an assortment of mental disorders: OCD, Aspergers, etc. which severely impacted my behavior and performance in High School. I have no social skills, and it shows: I have no friends, never had a relationship with a girl, etc. I haven't had a real conversation with anyone in over a year.  I just want to breakdown and cry. I'm a loser.

I graduated from HS less than a year ago but I goofed off in HS and tanked my GPA to <25% of my class. I had potential as a kid. (I was pretty bright back then)  I am now currently stuck in community college, with no idea how to make either friends or sexual/romantic relationships.  I've always wanted to learn multiple languages, but I'm already past the age of 18, so it seems like it would be nearly impossible for me to become a fluent speaking. At school, people are indifferent to me. I'm just a friendless student who sometimes shows up to class.  No one will ever understand how I really feel.

I've tried praying to God, but I never ""get anything back"" that I can understand. It's just silence. I don't know what to do. I really don't have any energy to do anything anymore, and it feels like a lot of things (learning multiple languages, communication skills, etc.) are now basically impossible for me to accomplish. I hate how evil the world is, how it seems like everything we do as a whole is ultimately meaningless, and how hypocritical everyone I know IRL is.

I wasted all of my potential. And I'm not sure if I can be helped.

* As someone with OCD, Aspergers, and an anxiety disorder, can I realistically attain relationships with people?
* I have no idea how to communicate with people, interpret their body language and desires, etc. Is it too late to become similar to someone who is neurotypical? Or am I stuck being a weirdo?
* As someone who is over 18, what are my chances of learning another language? Is it too late for me to be fluent?
* Does my low GPA prevent me from ever getting into a prestigious college?
* How do you find spiritual meaning? I know that there are a ton of religions out there, but it always feels like I am talking to nothing but myself. It's scary thinking how short of a life you are given.

I'm not realistically going to kill myself, it's just painful going through life. I'm constantly lonely. ",3.5427708533077653,5.9514473534675645,5.45556887184404,74.90498322147651,75.46532438478745,8.91038670501758,29.21108980504953,9.48565724429506,3.1496982422499205,1865,83,330,52,42,640,212,447,0.182,0.726,0.092,-0.9917,2,2,0,0,0,1,74.0,1,2,1,6,23,16,3,0,20,0,43,4,1,9,7,77,74,31,1,6,15,0,4,4,2,3,3,1,0,2,21,18,0,1,20,2,0,2,13,8,0,1,9,6,42,8,54,58,10,39,1,4,1,0,19,16,0,6,25,242,63,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217801938436585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985410118108539,0.0,0.1355036257164988,0.0,0.0,0.05537153885910338,0.08538082146185119,0.06228961715685308,0.0,0.08075135101481984,0.0569339927542486,0.0,0.13401106118417355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522102498698914,0.0,0.0,0.17985420769771568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090444405267295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879910956821897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944112988608195,0.0,0.0,0.07013091233996835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663935479292226,0.0,0.07125524022281549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36323993309504204,0.0,0.14730647441577044,0.0,0.07780472093746289,0.0731792048930343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468295277047826,0.11633954028907795,0.0,0.0,0.07442063438958899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258169304244439,0.0,0.08508201436646877,0.0,0.09255098446175808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038996224852757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457721144556605,0.08602958945993637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838369867811984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008428624968952,0.0,0.1342465374829929,0.0,0.18370105281993945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502524480963496,0.15911984028906095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922430651532903,0.0,0.0,0.054351571118687256,0.0,0.0,0.0886952897784283,0.0,0.0,0.08205687322788996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839907715597376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781291261059967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517543486961144,0.0,0.08664154450689979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772902032286952,0.16934875314367856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283811883400702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926790521972483,0.15648810409049724,0.0,0.08039699650097097,0.2622587328074495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648121401359874,0.0,0.14825184553401755,0.0,0.09198665245904113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300215367560697,0.20697246790486015,0.0,0.08053103860478429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767417477835236,0.0,0.0,0.06544603126219789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409490443637481,0.052173613509891824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528197720924563,0.0,0.0,0.16953181761075695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605270985975776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909076887456748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784171917849816,0.0,0.0,0.10486958097784817
suicidewatch,triggerdrat124,2019/04/08,"I want to.... I feel like just to hang or have a hole in my head 
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suicidewatch,anintelligentbeing,2019/04/09,"The world is retarded and I don't want to live in it I've pretty much had it with this fucking planet. Everyone is either a complete idiot, evil and immoral, or some combination thereof. it's like i'm the only one who knows right from wrong. i have a 1 year old son and was in a relationship with his mom for 4 years before i found out she lied to me about her basic values for the entire fucking relationship.  she just sees him as a trophy and a way to stroke her own ego anyway. she is a hedonist and i am slowly but surely gravitating back toward the christian values i was raised with, even though i dont really  believe in the stories literally. i think theyre allegorical stories to teach us right from wrong. anyway yeah so she likes to go out to the bar and get drunk with satanists and moral relativists and it pisses me off because she is going to indoctrinate our son with her fucking shit values and i cant take it and everyone is on her goddamn side because this world is so fucking programmed with feminism and bullshit like that and people dont even know what goddamn gender they are anymire boys are girls and girls are boys and \[people dont understand basic fucking biology or any other kind of science becaus epeople just want to believe whatever n=makes them feek good abd dont care about te facts or reality and goddamnim just sick of it all everyone isso fucking stuipid and getting stupider they all lkisten to shoit mudsic like mumble rap etc etc there is no more art or creativity evertyhgin is homogenized and everyone is a goddamn satanist moral relaticist or solipsist abnd i really dont want to live in  world that is made up of people like that i am dso depressed mpore depressed than io have ever been in my life and im 27 and been struggling with depression since my early teens but now ive actually fot something to lose now that i  have a kid i hate the world and i just want to die",4.612822948328269,6.125170077127661,5.746610942249241,77.78000000000003,70.30319148936171,8.456534954407294,29.91793313069909,8.942964678507748,2.540150759878419,1543,62,283,29,28,513,205,376,0.229,0.677,0.094,-0.9958,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,2,0,3,1,18,28,12,1,15,1,31,13,2,1,5,57,56,31,1,4,12,3,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,5,15,29,2,0,5,4,0,2,8,19,0,1,7,2,34,9,41,49,9,29,3,4,1,6,27,18,8,6,13,189,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.07488076433706467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052181367595077265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900327560071213,0.0,0.14032797061307806,0.0,0.06529450211794294,0.17290461077285485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823485173771717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045354744364283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827118725570955,0.0,0.07963719163610297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.449655075948302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115612880359252,0.10136342121305636,0.06940978568595835,0.0,0.2932883447000445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841342516543959,0.0,0.42563294917355465,0.08018010622178043,0.0,0.08721875969122167,0.0643603652934813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575838160681972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288527810738966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990606524904624,0.08434137904422334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419909493032378,0.18744040370002288,0.0,0.1355140591349334,0.0,0.0,0.08584508692430018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260703222047353,0.0512201641917692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986927251851838,0.0,0.0,0.0564079043206312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051883284083478,0.0,0.05199656192463024,0.058359235610403175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959190807472853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806549030109453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831480759554452,0.0,0.0,0.16476598656537406,0.0,0.13105986969068192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114661356193427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876576908328542,0.06347469097370861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907314767809485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802184476355438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232035506852075,0.0,0.057693994071790725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491676872526645,0.0753902110035246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798822127403644,0.09230087523921857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103747394303435,0.06090742963158759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779193229892134,0.0,0.09882763360561997
suicidewatch,RightRepublic,2019/04/09,"Giving myself a graduation present (Hint: suicide). I'm a college student and graduating soon, I don't have any friends, I don't care about anyone around me and no purpose in life. I have no interest in giving my life meaning so I've decided to go through with ending my life. Plans have begun and honestly this is the one thing in my life I'm excited for. I pose this question: If life is meaningless, why live it?",1.9081165311653123,4.3995101097561005,3.792601626016261,84.09941734417345,82.04878048780489,7.059078590785908,28.62330623306233,8.167268648758528,2.318621680216802,327,16,63,7,9,110,56,82,0.14400000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.152,0.1823,0,0,0,1,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,0,0,9,14,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,9,5,9,14,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,41,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314246809134152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513317464218613,0.0,0.0,0.1720440147392771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970433298284773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117263032015972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931362099772472,0.0,0.0,0.3707887412793281,0.10983515946757236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6825327780107557,0.0,0.0,0.17065374866459487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051880438638745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095922691347478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164974949394025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113970892872434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839458142354698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438875393782802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CDude821,2019/04/09,Idk if this is the place to ask but how do I help a friend who says he has no motivation for anything and has expressed suicidal thoughts before? He’s talking about dropping out of classes and I think that might snowball into him feeling worse and feeling even less motivated to do anything. Maybe it’s wrong of me to assume that but I just want him to be happy with himself.,5.128243243243247,6.116746689189192,5.49010810810811,82.06164864864867,68.5945945945946,7.541621621621622,33.71891891891892,7.554174236665415,2.31901945945946,301,14,57,3,5,96,57,74,0.189,0.561,0.25,0.6073,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,3,0,20,13,7,1,2,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,11,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,3,0,43,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39605210231152704,0.0,0.22496572855532854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047667454230222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589403180473656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433494260969277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859177121674377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25616554125569163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129578514127835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417550227937045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552807992863369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514173729158921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136642714348345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632208832423852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193417155571338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541922669158153,0.0,0.1910411210833079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193558851233418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452325141323867,0.0,0.2631018444939529,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jerrygeekbro,2019/04/09,"Tired of it all and can't imagine ever being better My first year of college is just about wrapping up and it's gone exactly how I thought. I can't push myself to get anything done, haven't made any friends and generally feel closer to offing myself everyday. Everyone keeps telling me I need long term goals, and I understand the value of that, but I just don't have any. I used to have one. Starting in middle School my goal was to not be the loser who kills himself in high school. 
Well I've gone past that and I'm left with nothing. There's nothing I can think I really want for the future. I've hurt others and been hurt too much in relationships to want that. Hell even just sex I don't really want because I've regretted it every time I've had it. I have nothing to offer this world or anyone on it. 
The only future I can imagine for myself is a life I wouldn't consider living. Working long days at minimum wage just to afford maybe some mild addiction and being alone all the time. 

I've tried getting help but its only made me more aware that I don't even really want to change. I hate myself yet I hate everything I think I could be too. I've tried the medications and all they seem to do is make me more complacent in being a piece of shit to everyone. 
There are those who care about me and I'd be sad to leave them behind. Although it's hard to  not think of their care as being misplaced, considering there are much better people than me out there who might actually benefit from that care. 

Anyways, sorry for rambling. Just needed to do a little cry for help, but in the most pitiful way possible because I don't even have the balls to ask for help from the people who maybe could help me.",3.92773913043478,5.097388904347827,4.9438840579710135,84.19669565217394,71.55072463768116,7.954782608695653,25.394202898550724,8.364918446050245,1.5263889855072463,1352,40,273,21,25,443,172,345,0.165,0.6990000000000001,0.136,-0.9365,2,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,7,22,19,5,0,12,0,35,6,1,5,5,56,65,16,1,10,11,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,19,11,0,1,9,1,1,3,10,11,1,2,9,2,34,8,42,45,11,34,1,6,0,1,17,15,2,5,15,189,53,7,0.0,0.0,0.08591298509039122,0.09597508150959302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118145044606596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973854956961386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061558644152435775,0.0,0.07244827587918673,0.0,0.08230421740278343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073350408370829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557259949594061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269283695635215,0.0,0.09313317745153894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058333501310294,0.0,0.09670628074540304,0.056777621157474006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009406590577408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444601772870452,0.07963596439697808,0.07417632725324004,0.16824933217814542,0.07912342724342519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044514967232882834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488559795757325,0.0,0.0,0.06801841284679748,0.0,0.09199308168610816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886530334808976,0.1738398043097221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604170202583474,0.09301762669278398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849430891262547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782527630208316,0.0974016796065472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322017779433862,0.09565420897975677,0.0,0.06218427490538801,0.0,0.08823781728458469,0.07773970688647959,0.15582280150756975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660852574998225,0.058766456799596224,0.0,0.17689323686771516,0.0,0.0,0.08868963894298211,0.0,0.09339505416289036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943701859303353,0.1305590297710555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25342626641309624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965724160178189,0.13391466241755345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840428164423074,0.12206977622230746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925030640883513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691993666310605,0.0,0.0,0.09452052120806033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819954996701914,0.0,0.08014704540012642,0.0,0.0,0.09037036954410398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855201773409247,0.0623141823438074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694962689982786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692347621955151,0.0,0.06989282351353789,0.10267204469340813,0.10118743290309644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954487638891505,0.0,0.0,0.0916512994079223,0.0,0.07603709350673353,0.0,0.0,0.20770981623075255,0.06988095193951592,0.0,0.0,0.07915728474035523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640931576984308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669397933933471
suicidewatch,AboutABird,2019/04/09,"It sounds horrible (because it is) but do you ever wish your family would die? Then I could begin my downward spiral without hurting them, but because they are still around, death is just a fantasy. 

It's such an insanely selfish desire, but sometimes I just can't help it because I know that is the only possible way I would ever be able to take action.",9.297450980392156,7.105026000000002,9.388235294117653,68.12539215686277,61.058823529411754,12.007843137254904,40.31372549019608,10.504223727775694,4.318249019607843,280,12,48,5,3,93,53,68,0.241,0.639,0.12,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,2,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,0,2,15,14,4,2,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,0,3,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,40,14,0,0.2139745677812516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048273056807935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913107314379495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708412811042839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207181912943125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871044936666732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017161792553056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342264239346267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22906420033710365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759482653419262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273730086094618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412241749037713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162631885118888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088036623232472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088224550797522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984305220844378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246060192981514,0.20626384764086889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040027874430657,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dmnautica1,2019/04/09,"Bi Polar 37/m together with the love of my life 34/f . I’m bi-polar and she suffers from MD aka muscular dystrophy.  I’m ready to die, but she insists I still stand a chance.  I’m so fucking confused.  She definitely has it harder than myself.  She’ll still have the pugs.",-1.3061525974025976,0.33185276785714635,1.7775974025974044,91.38558441558443,110.60714285714286,4.893506493506494,19.37662337662337,6.574015621080383,0.6419142857142863,209,8,44,4,11,73,44,56,0.141,0.677,0.183,0.3588,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,3,0,3,5,1,0,0,4,8,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,7,0,3,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,2,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310772243518377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3839928441994495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933804535914076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748778525395656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6634127127019469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iAMbatman77,2019/04/09,"How to obtain carbon monoxide cylinder in US without raising suspicion? I’m a 8 yr military combat veteran legally diagnosed with depression and PTSD. I was laid off from a senior management position and my fiancée left me. I’ve thought about this for the past few months and considered all other options. I believe I’m ready to do this.

Does anyone know how I (in the US btw) can obtain a cylinder of carbon monoxide? I’ve been studying the Jerry Hunt situation (google it) and  its very in depth. I won’t be in a situation to do it until maybe a few weeks. I need to see my lawyer about my will and ensure my family doesn’t incur any grief over my decision. 

Please do not try to talk me down or dissuade me as this is the last thing I want. I’m over feeling like this and although it’s probably a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I don’t want to wait until it becomes the latter. So far I’ve been selling off most of my primary belongings and making sure I clean up so there is minimal things to do afterwards.

Any advice about how to obtain the cylinder is appreciated. (Again, Jerry Hunt helped lay the foundation for planning this out efficiently. I’m so glad he recorded his scenario and shared it.)",4.079551739518283,5.9096095466101755,5.5542105263157895,77.36491971454059,72.17796610169492,8.866726137377341,31.065120428189122,9.414487439383343,3.0948084745762716,967,44,174,23,19,326,138,236,0.05,0.794,0.155,0.958,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,4,11,7,0,0,14,0,16,1,0,4,2,30,29,19,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,14,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,4,2,20,4,33,22,4,23,0,2,1,0,7,14,0,3,10,120,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350255631195267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364764316726512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983813723327254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734890720940086,0.0,0.1769820545478512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352978844666963,0.1594389160150178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374669591146735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480866379488219,0.0,0.07942736795424606,0.11222222238202337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529139009173173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633032097828347,0.12804600189955895,0.0,0.0,0.17067432653067827,0.0,0.0,0.07674425246111896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485608049916458,0.0,0.15781393412922565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538449354685227,0.0,0.0,0.11647722936786516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995629830641152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724331831197964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936520509889105,0.15031002357789872,0.18362505020106915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251771511293163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531423421153569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805163342314234,0.0,0.0,0.1262597231530703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208721828548022,0.0,0.0,0.12470868464371646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665103755230043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779100733840325,0.0,0.0,0.12961234662555302,0.18530670723803205,0.0,0.12600486069120054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142523440752167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowMeAwayAlreadyfu,2019/04/09,"Man Here I am. There you are.

The fuck am I worried about?

I've spoken with many of my friends and family about how I've been feeling these last few months.

Thought living on your own and not having roommates was the way to go but honestly it has just shown me how truly alone I really am.

My friends, if I can REALLY call these people that, hardly listen to what I'm trying to convey.

Fuck man I told several of them to their face that my 30th birthday, here in December, is more than likely the day I'm ""calling it quits.""

It isn't that I'm crying for help but more of me hinting that I'm mentally not well and I just want to talk.

No one EVER wants to hold a real conversation about my feelings because they're so fucked up.

My mom even replies with ""I dont wanna hear it. I dont wanna hear that shit.""

Oooooook.

I am tired of breathing.",1.3459159663865563,3.332445400000001,2.989277310924372,91.96589915966386,80.71428571428571,5.946218487394957,21.15126050420168,7.048011613610866,0.4668621848739507,655,19,143,8,17,216,111,175,0.146,0.731,0.123,-0.7403,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,2,1,14,9,4,0,4,0,14,7,3,2,1,24,31,9,0,5,7,1,3,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,12,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,4,6,20,5,22,27,4,9,0,0,0,3,18,3,4,1,5,97,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154606815696913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331109524816897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791051124253096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012257140713645,0.08813907867039343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32034602964031234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026743851351113,0.1236233640629366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883773282640196,0.0,0.13820614949918766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111775773173621,0.3790400482644657,0.0,0.0,0.07767115526915495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242702378957815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080678769750238,0.0,0.09160518581188384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140206037985467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676872155045266,0.0,0.120679697412416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385591542778208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772845698941874,0.0,0.0,0.1600630470881228,0.1090865057369046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926092746333026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474787240464533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536245729559014,0.0,0.15555726598208136,0.17510509695494325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439510681354576,0.14028698188373825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984796942957513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849854123105898,0.0,0.1570789146724786,0.0,0.1305914268930113,0.0,0.09278810075066032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121978571979453,0.10848011232235638,0.0,0.0,0.12288028284444065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387922399348939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rider419,2019/04/09,"If my service dog dies, I’m dying too. I tell people this all the time. If my SD dies from anything other that living a full life and dying from age related diseases, I will do anything in my power to kill myself as soon as possible. He helps me live life, he literally filled the hole in my life and continues to do so daily. This post isn’t really me looking for help, just me documenting the reason why I’m dead if it comes to that. No one believes me when I say it, they just chuckle a little and say yeah me too I love my dog, they don’t understand the connection I have with my dog, it’s stronger than that of someone who just has a dog for a pet. I’ve raised my him since he was 8 weeks, trained him, and now, we have a stronger connection than I have with any human on this earth, I know exactly what he wants all the time, he knows exactly what I need all the time, I can look him in the eyes and he will do what he knows I would like him to do, and he can look at me and I know what he’s asking from me. If i lose him, there is no point in sticking around. 

Oookay well, that’s that. If ya read this far, cool? Sorry for the rant.",1.8387969924812069,2.9041401020408166,3.4544575725026867,93.26276047261013,76.55102040816327,6.953813104189044,21.87432867883996,7.475848149327749,0.4848775510204084,875,22,212,11,19,291,124,245,0.08,0.8140000000000001,0.106,0.6637,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,1,1,2,2,12,7,1,0,13,2,17,5,1,1,5,34,32,16,6,8,8,0,0,1,0,3,3,2,1,1,18,12,0,0,6,1,0,2,4,2,1,1,1,7,36,5,24,28,4,23,0,1,4,1,27,11,0,5,10,138,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159950394899093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748839099689608,0.10681940532438372,0.11217746226452296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519126768622033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336353360528673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4981360690906675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085785125855154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275471881462894,0.0,0.2637805411996026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542642784940681,0.05862262591739121,0.1202647292094976,0.21191242225257387,0.0,0.3022922497468505,0.1342417194550826,0.0,0.0,0.1082985653753746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897345177198661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131051092848486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318818979107112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343237758878864,0.13527432558447386,0.11492033501569805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002569129014473,0.0,0.07687072896297326,0.12337301440709182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908468485172404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925963108063007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166986542255854,0.0,0.0,0.1343225851520566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487936268904532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209907033612594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249171732052579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077510973152226,0.0,0.09625132273997447,0.0,0.10788831486566078,0.0,0.1082752167759448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523974030290679,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gdru3500,2019/04/09,I just want to hide my face 18 kissless vigin expired drivers permit no life i have friends i had a moment 2 fridays ago were some kid with the same first name as me OD'ED and i had my phone off at a comedy show i turned it on after and i had like 20 missed calls and text they thought it was me. Yet i feel more alone i just want to hide my face behind a mask and just dissapear no one will miss me not like I have a life to leave behind im just looking for someone to talk too,-0.4394654088050309,1.54011168867925,1.5474528301886783,99.70124213836479,87.77358490566039,4.2880503144654085,17.323899371069178,5.46131890053228,-0.7698591194968549,373,9,92,2,12,123,70,106,0.14300000000000002,0.731,0.125,0.0276,0,1,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,8,4,2,1,0,18,16,5,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,6,2,16,3,13,9,3,8,0,2,1,0,7,3,0,1,7,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255291791072281,0.0,0.0,0.263503792918772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259792648092247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864308091323598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641067344594067,0.0,0.0,0.19656530671276856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748187208686075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693954779749869,0.0,0.0,0.3594106524367166,0.24859484415166905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136498594131324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172402493711585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557038732159595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449424675660424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20198213565941556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27673737384350106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001286124288993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joshlgkml,2019/04/09,"What keeps you going? I really just need a reason to wake up in the morning. Every day just trudges by and Im at my lowest point right now and can't stop thinking about suicide. It's just this itch, I always come back to the phrase ""I want to die"". I know I don't have the guts to do it by my own hands but train tracks are starting to look comfy.",0.6075187969924798,2.208263210526315,2.307443609022556,97.8571052631579,81.36842105263158,4.869172932330828,17.43609022556391,5.288315135182226,-0.7485015037593992,268,5,65,1,7,88,57,76,0.065,0.898,0.037000000000000005,-0.4508,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,0,5,4,4,1,0,14,14,3,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,11,14,1,12,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,5,41,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199549376809199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032638064237458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277084871686727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047966531845826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743467805820633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272076897360785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023248206055292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855363020624477,0.0,0.0,0.2349606161384573,0.0,0.0,0.14527625431824226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219819326724631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600732864397444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498900162926281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169345191569732,0.2717891067400667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257478734147312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710366397883604,0.0,0.0,0.22100297193802468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891488443040437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169380617639951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591662362960712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whogivesasinglefuck,2019/04/09,"Eh, cant sleep so I'll vent I never wanted to make one of these since my excuse is somewhat pathetic that being said, i constantly think about death. 
Im 20 with a small sized dick and in this era of time that's thel worst thing i could have. I've had women laugh at the size of my dick and that mentally fucks with me so badly you wouldn't understand. 
Listening to people say they have depression at work or college when i know they have nothing in this world to hold them down also fucks with me even though i know its cruel and we're all facing our own demons but i feel as though mine has set me back in life, to the point where i don't think I'll ever find a partner and by some miracle if i do i can't have a child as i don't want him to face my same issue. Life is so cruel, i am literally the but of every joke. No one wants a small dick and for something i have no control over I'm constantly ridiculed, this is fucking bs.
I wish i didnt think about it and it'll get better, but have you ever tried telling your mind to not do something? It'll never happen. Constantly thinking about my shitty genetics and how eternal sleep sounds better then roaming around this piece of shit world. Buttttt im a pussy, maybe one day I'll kms.

Thanks for reading? I guess. Night.",2.0853590620420133,3.7604805093632976,3.16810291483472,93.02520762090866,77.23970037453184,6.291418335775932,21.34652336752972,7.079830092131019,0.3827903924442273,1004,26,224,11,23,322,157,267,0.18600000000000005,0.7190000000000001,0.095,-0.9715,0,0,2,0,0,1,20.0,1,3,3,4,17,15,7,0,8,0,24,13,8,3,5,46,47,23,1,7,6,0,1,0,1,3,2,4,0,3,13,11,0,2,9,2,0,0,11,10,0,3,3,5,31,5,30,39,7,30,1,1,0,6,16,14,7,5,15,145,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857247321235877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542731119865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824272318510131,0.08950431778887351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961258839419826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475229073731406,0.12022961089945215,0.08558741282684316,0.0,0.0,0.06913265645430748,0.0,0.09232789736340648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080205409341422,0.1939301314788892,0.09031738992406688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054201600455403016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797535016132476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973033736497812,0.05600557035262112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808865798442553,0.0,0.0947932121476271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315805001006097,0.1118849428227132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782441456569692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143163895405656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155427061122288,0.0,0.1076929529994618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802851861701733,0.0,0.10823756555688004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535257733133218,0.0,0.0,0.1005963364884692,0.0,0.10285760865677568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791668114602072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431632156290235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133502207109912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722517093027842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019680978563469,0.08524669066182795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003531997252317,0.08867377304554498,0.0,0.21454715582539796,0.0,0.0,0.16504968547111276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369417056059008,0.09869182382741447,0.0,0.0,0.07121636690641618,0.27474788919715937,0.2106393700491204,0.0,0.06250694418461325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277915754295049,0.0,0.0,0.111594985249302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968122133685567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232702961534597,0.0,0.0,0.07804008272815947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,man-whosoldtheworld,2019/04/09,"I feel too guilty and just want to end it all Today some of my friends told me that they decided to cut off ties with me because of something really bad I did. I had already been feeling guilty the last couple of months, but right now I feel as if the only answer is suicide. It really does feel like I'm being a coward, but it really is starting to weigh too heavily on me.

The biggest reason I'm not doing it is because of my family and how much I love them, but it's starting too feel like too much. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my psychologist, so I know I just have to hang on a little while longer until I can get all of this off my chest, but time is moving really slowly.

I feel like shit, and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it.",7.286010781671159,4.567005597484278,8.185552560646899,76.83283018867925,65.35220125786164,11.601437556154535,32.14824797843666,9.957137785484203,2.7309417789757418,586,15,128,10,7,201,89,159,0.146,0.732,0.122,-0.6313,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,0,10,9,2,0,6,0,13,4,2,3,3,31,30,14,1,2,9,0,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,10,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,6,20,6,17,25,6,20,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,14,91,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544839303992148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688692569798488,0.17067484921407966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489776065119346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250736946304168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399078010675856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319713812291606,0.0,0.4247029820451945,0.3000295346865791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815696594394364,0.0,0.07313969987371803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693558216507196,0.11411163063474054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051780999078422,0.14030810481438766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634765456018565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173975604615656,0.14878864515276705,0.3087292387294687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646972618365046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587281613616595,0.1439344182660843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195518437971485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369910399318378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777217679958667,0.0,0.0,0.19817318915583015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312781000092154,0.0,0.13194018600677465,0.0,0.10525606936102012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163007909572864,0.0,0.1326954263758866,0.1337677294196062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257052237786096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AccountForRoasts,2019/04/09,"Feeling better commiserating with you all I don't know why, but spending time among people who understand how I feel is kind of uplifting. 

I'm currently working on a certification and basically just have a few pages of work left. I wonder if I'll be able to finish by the deadline or if I'll fail again. Therapy tomorrow so at least I'm forced to brush my teeth and go outside.",5.098399999999998,5.981308706666668,6.779999999999998,73.17000000000002,68.6,10.266666666666666,32.33333333333333,10.355215969177356,3.4163333333333337,303,13,58,8,5,105,62,75,0.12,0.836,0.044,-0.8201,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,15,12,8,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,9,11,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,4,5,35,6,4,0.2771665373377313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245131278575476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802874584011867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752013047439214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886262971013536,0.1523234803896594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011422537957881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921523784683262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169640907489434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161803683588122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28854014017151397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500996894502026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005752866098605,0.4035610804387921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Badgercat11,2019/04/09,"I'm so sick of being alive I hate being alive and I don't feel like that's something anyone or anything can change. I'm so lost and while I don't think about actually killing myself as much as I used to, I want to die and obsessively think about cutting and otherwise hurting myself. The highs are so good, but they are so damn few and far between and right now I'm drowning in the lows. I can't take this life anymore.",1.8930681818181831,3.7593339886363673,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,78.43181818181819,5.763636363636365,23.5,6.6274283507984215,0.5324954545454551,333,11,73,3,8,108,58,88,0.268,0.654,0.078,-0.9378,0,0,1,0,0,4,6.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,4,1,2,0,8,2,0,1,0,13,19,15,3,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,1,1,9,2,9,16,2,7,0,3,0,0,1,5,1,1,3,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2279827006941586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23169159859054925,0.1633548866935206,0.0,0.19225212088946214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471425395973688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424641653385228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812699140167182,0.16690057646168174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959521918235489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23065470273775354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246835908719388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500986408874393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584696358237861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650150896133156,0.11413657387998212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502749715220985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174005208637685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199513074614253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798546778386805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565569340494835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29939283408729195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017755745811956,0.0,0.0,0.1377971118543715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CinnamonSpiceBlend,2019/04/09,"Bad day at work I work as a drive thru teller at a smaller bank. We have no ATMs. So, the drive thru is open from 7:00AM to 7:00PM. This means that when you’re “on shift “ you’re alone for about 4 hours a day while the lobby is closed. Back in November, we changed operating systems which changed how me process our work.  This change of routine confused and upset many longtime customers. 

I had one of the worst experiences I ever had with a customer tonight and feel absolutely demoralized. He wanted change for a $50. We now have to enter that into our system along with what we give in exchange. I couldn’t quite remember the spelling of his name. So, I asked if he could send in his ID or write his name on a piece of paper so I could find the account. He became absolutely irate and started screaming at me and saying he was going to close down his accounts. He threatened to call the police and report his money stolen if I didn’t give the bill back. I’m ashamed to admit that I cried in front of him and that I’m still crying now. 

I know normal people can handle this. I know that this is a product of a diseased mind. I also know that I’m not really going to kill myself.  Sometimes I fantasize about a robbery gone wrong where I end up dead. I can’t tell anyone at work. I won’t tell my mother. I have have no one else. 

I wish there was a socially acceptable avenue for just admitting when you’d rather not be alive. 

I wonder if this guy would regret today if he knew , I didn’t eat, and probably won’t sleep because of how he treated me. . Maybe not. People really do look at customer service workers like they’re not even human sometimes.",3.14120062660848,4.807746864048339,4.1282712319570365,87.30000895154976,74.31722054380666,6.5955466040058175,24.64596620789975,7.2427474758485975,1.011394673827906,1296,41,262,14,27,419,186,331,0.183,0.7859999999999999,0.031,-0.9941,0,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,6,1,0,6,21,12,1,3,17,0,24,2,1,2,1,57,46,22,2,13,11,1,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,2,13,18,1,0,12,0,7,8,12,9,0,2,8,4,37,3,39,30,2,44,0,1,1,0,37,18,0,7,17,171,50,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855636458051053,0.0,0.08382023590271043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328883873860391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979875466685521,0.0,0.0,0.16119198852901984,0.08751585272449328,0.06389403638773264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070274742888876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.443519997390296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737193469688774,0.0,0.2302679375786596,0.1351935533429713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072515516096342,0.08755918863727237,0.0,0.09283466723263463,0.0,0.0,0.06922908627991489,0.09481084960270997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025288378113662,0.0,0.0,0.05299743520838895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957986891266497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010955217892673,0.1191371594926593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378298016525853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322131468832826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596187810564285,0.0,0.1728101677195793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051207142477229316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801790583020692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626560146531164,0.10530040166775394,0.11417387881969507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583291488660616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026961004958711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205023582118398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533055865006672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300791798809877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148327972628352,0.0,0.0,0.13429389450695636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873456345746206,0.0,0.0,0.08335281480843147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489034359194098,0.10684533371734124,0.0,0.0,0.20732873337143196,0.0,0.07418834712496755,0.0,0.08370511305332208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322524397685494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993520303710592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182239487140465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205316721023256,0.0,0.11366701434459603,0.3052252474681796,0.0,0.0,0.07445731845181762,0.11459836318843025,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JPSkatez,2019/04/09,"I’m being such a bitch I’m gonna go ahead and get it all out. I’m up against the wall. Years of therapy, shit medicine, and bullying all my life. I can’t do this. I’ve tried my hardest. This life wasn’t meant for me",-2.2213714285714268,-0.4219178799999988,0.4117142857142859,104.833,97.8,4.457142857142856,17.142857142857142,6.18269132825596,-0.6181142857142854,166,5,46,2,7,56,38,50,0.229,0.7709999999999999,0.0,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,2,6,11,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,6,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640498100919156,0.0,0.2354022079044953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851303851690828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251754098577758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736794374409942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28121795933482624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667343956174248
suicidewatch,rico_rodriguez42,2019/04/09,"Kill me Please kill me 

I hate life and have ever since my uncle died... I hate when people say that they know the pain even though they are the happiest person alive  

They don’t know the fucking pain I go through every day trying not to fatally cut myself or hang myself.... it’s like no one is here for me and I’m in this fight alone even though there are people who “care” 

They don’t care at all

They just want me to feel better so they can stop worrying and go on with their life 

I’m really thinking about ending it all tomorrow night 

If so then even though I don’t know you 


Good bye",2.3346341463414646,3.7834127479674815,3.2135040650406523,93.93098780487809,75.99186991869921,6.546016260162602,17.99105691056911,7.1686216300943375,-0.08518796747967405,460,7,105,5,10,146,82,123,0.226,0.581,0.193,-0.8009999999999999,0,1,0,0,1,4,7.0,0,1,7,1,14,15,7,0,3,0,8,5,0,0,3,18,23,12,4,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,3,5,10,0,1,0,2,19,5,9,23,2,14,0,0,0,1,13,3,1,2,10,68,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130574738020474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066587006795244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27820961158867197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798943373765057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159822419917412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208411140773884,0.0,0.0,0.2703425399800556,0.1234134729422247,0.11495256227183608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898574966372698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126132167909326,0.0,0.0,0.15507856612478413,0.11443539440729915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940307872097097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018907259219679,0.0,0.2249436962897127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273646992486684,0.06665535979314284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803521718499006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245204007987944,0.0,0.29035339963387474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917401376314386,0.11912997675368278,0.0,0.14976490737140127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740389937169445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084987677900167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286062879437204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406595806508316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742218378029121,0.40214075034988905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263056258137567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047303118426598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855659468282633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mathieu22,2019/04/09,"No one believes in me because of my past (I wish I had enough people to talk to so they could really understand me.) To clarify I’ve gone through so much bullshit that no one now believes in me to do great things. People always laugh at me and bully me literally to the point where I’m going on the road to kill myself but then again there’s always that 
Person to say”don’t do it” well fuck off and fuck you I do what I want when I want not tryna be livid like a candy bar here but honestly with 2018 where I tried to drug deal went no where almost got stabbed 2 times shot 3 times and now I’m in a new place a new home with everything that’s shattered in my mind on its own I’m so fucking done with being on this 
Suicide watch me eat lunch and do it over a bunch. Of bullshit life is. No more time 
Fuck this life it’s not myn I’m gonna kill myself on April 21st this is a warning to everyone you may try to find me 778-536-0137 but I’m not gonna respond",1.2549335459861766,2.7228197272727286,2.9402472089314218,94.66311935140884,79.0,5.984157363104732,20.7020202020202,6.691623216298621,0.10857873471557687,749,19,178,7,18,248,121,209,0.252,0.653,0.096,-0.9923,0,0,1,0,0,3,8.0,0,2,1,0,13,11,6,0,7,0,12,10,0,0,0,22,31,12,3,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,12,7,3,0,2,1,0,3,7,6,1,2,5,1,20,5,27,20,5,32,0,0,1,4,7,17,4,2,13,113,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165894763257645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218590748340046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406177082368673,0.0,0.0,0.273764843918248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700327738425607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525524320031586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433080585147165,0.0,0.0,0.14089476515314595,0.12431895502101355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255360439691102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609296818482302,0.10919120334955223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104354898244853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492779279708883,0.0,0.0,0.06904798555365974,0.0,0.09717005528062768,0.13394784621570466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186864486172905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688307869118545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162997213073575,0.059355956597736126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267456449878415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931225751047155,0.0,0.0,0.23467981915776476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465530440113293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598001476842787,0.16845763919347775,0.10608409813742156,0.12693563884575593,0.0,0.11485134238827654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783233146860757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289499681111466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976524808983272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071538518518445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253283321401792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497324954113105,0.0,0.0,0.12647980528084016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332092006059335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092379270692013,0.11262639256409115,0.0,0.0,0.13971239854165945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,colombianbunny97,2019/04/09,Feeling suicidal after being dumped Got dumped a month ago and I'm planning to overdose. Idk man life sucks,2.6273333333333326,5.632448400000005,2.9400000000000013,85.85833333333333,90.0,4.666666666666667,26.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.5121666666666669,88,4,14,1,3,27,19,20,0.505,0.44,0.055,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424686265605749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238653177173803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992179000208801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525662142354186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984188105348668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459918839913624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheNumber_42,2019/04/09,"It feels like suicide is inevitable No matter how much support, love, success, medication, friendship, knowledge I get I feel my suicide is fate. It will happen sooner or later but that's how I'm going out regardless.",4.458846153846154,7.397784564102569,5.156089743589742,75.46182692307694,75.15384615384616,5.951282051282053,32.82692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.644430769230769,174,9,25,2,4,56,33,39,0.159,0.5820000000000001,0.259,0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,10,11,4,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,10,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29700436723329604,0.20981741562484496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344472159827108,0.0,0.16691494847796226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259715559645537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434856695373377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26507328731258384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295869139435779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590131473460072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6425143722250255,0.3332842248164475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goatgoat173945,2019/04/09,"Anyone else feel like suicide isn't enough? I really want to kill myself, but that act in itself will cause pain to other people, and I don't feel it goes far enough. I would love the ability to just wipe myself from existence, canceling out any pain I caused while alive, and then nobody would miss me cause I was never there. Am I alone on this?",5.830217391304347,5.747749666666671,5.844746376811596,83.88277173913045,66.82608695652173,9.218840579710145,23.047101449275363,8.841846274778883,1.2289101449275357,273,4,56,4,4,86,54,69,0.215,0.594,0.19,-0.2735,0,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,1,14,12,5,2,3,2,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,2,9,2,7,8,2,8,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862334174685402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222799109905884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257303609358466,0.18424103130444736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5541565493813609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021180005155918,0.0,0.0,0.37159254208313497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183905686351226,0.1284593938000659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893791524003696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784819922060083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622894539014289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868389705863002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826702514932548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466061619050008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519366467288746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668769276863424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605915109152683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25546988284673783,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Underhisthumb,2019/04/09,"Feelin cute. Might delete myself later. I am exhausted. Today almost pushed me over the edge. 

I walked out of work, went downtown, and was ready to meet my old dealer to grab a few patches. I was going to swim out into the ocean while they dissolved into my skin. And drown. 

But for some stupid fucking reason I stopped myself and went home. To calm down for a half hour and then to get right back to being suicidal again.

I don't want to hurt the people I love anymore. They think me leaving this world would hurt them more than me staying. They are wrong. I am useless and destructive and abusive. 

I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to try anymore. I try and people still call me weak and tell me to suck it up. 

I don't want any of this anymore.",1.0830481283422486,3.383407870129872,2.194889228418642,95.4610733384263,83.93506493506493,4.402750190985485,19.44843391902216,5.5289334501034215,-0.2901049656226129,588,16,125,3,17,186,93,154,0.235,0.664,0.101,-0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,1,4,13,4,0,5,0,13,5,1,1,0,24,25,11,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,12,0,1,2,1,0,6,4,10,0,1,4,2,25,3,22,17,3,26,0,3,0,2,8,9,2,3,10,86,28,1,0.0,0.15984888851058054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509507394870152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174491804148972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.535186576587348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373914931040336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776043383907227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472414911489475,0.07048605290453477,0.0,0.07667370872344106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532793033313092,0.0,0.13286133478700535,0.0,0.2888525873185394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285253332858253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176352212368476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312051750173044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156765259781534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870622561424552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871220470146178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521427625858426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143798447828777,0.10774105214936852,0.11279263488811295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475720427553872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791920377561473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644628619719916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278809847438478,0.0,0.0,0.18319304728515431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182988291573431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501299103453236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821768379855236,0.0,0.0,0.0958377515733018,0.1475053049226712,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thowaway11486,2019/04/09,"I can’t stop crying at work I work in a call center and I’ve been having more and more trouble not crying while on the phone. I’m good at disguising it, but I’m frequently loosing my shit. I’m also resisting the urge to cut into my skin with my hooked nail file. I’m in hell. I want to die.",-0.4108351648351629,1.4566631692307688,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,86.53846153846155,5.560439560439562,16.978021978021978,6.868970318607317,-0.1482747252747254,226,5,54,3,7,79,45,65,0.378,0.578,0.045,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,3,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,0,8,8,5,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,6,1,9,7,2,10,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,3,30,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261010447119087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887014512543496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6211366585823218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29343165396222365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371425718271758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902208054162119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363769950161438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676292921963418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116651938626595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Queen_Scar,2019/04/09,My girlfriend broke up with me and I want to die I was really depressed before we got together and felt better for a while. This only made things 1000x worse. The light at the end of the tunnel turned into a black hole,1.4888636363636394,3.9555101590909096,2.5919999999999987,92.15300000000002,83.77272727272728,5.3381818181818215,15.618181818181819,6.742157984588678,-0.2409127272727272,173,3,35,2,5,55,39,44,0.26,0.659,0.081,-0.8805,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,5,1,7,2,0,5,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261775806401247,0.0,0.0,0.2720792800969624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26496666766952376,0.0,0.31927787767513605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724744230143573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953790620087802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460448273935647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910928760216815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339712451636189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707967137124965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437986742457998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346199206476499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814518420122061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135076401697455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,snapsticks,2019/04/09,"Climate change and the loss of a future Does anybody else struggle with the knowledge that the very atmosphere that we breathe is eventually going to kill us?


I read yesterday that when CO2 levels reach a certain point, likely within our lifetime, that clouds will cease to exist. Completely.
It's going to be a permanent bluish-yellow haze, every single day until we all starve, dehydrate or simply cook to death. There will be 100% humidity, everywhere, permanently. Sweating will no longer serve to cool us down. People will literally cook by the millions. 

Climate refugees will make the current refugee crisis look like a picnic.

The oceans will be depleted of life, with gigantic algal blooms leading to jellyfish swarms and mass fish kills. The water itself will turn to a carbonic acid solution that will dissolve mineralised mollusc shells, burn fish gills, kill corals and generally make life difficult for everything else.

Violent tropical storms are already increasing in intensity and sheer numbers. The sea level is rising rapidly. Countries like the Maldives are almost gone.

Permafrost is melting and methane is being released, which is the beginning of a positive feedback loop that can never be stopped. Atmospheric temperature rise is going to keep accelerating from now until well after we are all gone.

This is already happening. There is literally nothing we can do about it. My country in particular is pushing heavily to open new coal mines and power plants despite all the evidence showing that this is the worst possible thing to do, but because those in power will be dead before the effects become indisputable, nobody will stop it.
They are even going to dredge the barrier reef to create a deep water port to offload the coal to other countries. I'm glad I had the chance to swim there as a kid, and I'm glad I have no kids of my own. I wouldn't know how to explain any of this to them.

Governments around the world are mostly heading towards authoritarianism, nationalism and plutocratic fascism. They will not help us in any way. Any attempt to reason with them is useless, they are bought and paid for. My prime minister once brought a lump of coal into parliament as a prop, mocking the opposition for being frightened of it.

I have nothing but chaos and pain to look forward to, same as everybody else. I'm not going to wait around to see how bad it gets. The rate of suicide attempts in young people is skyrocketing, so I'm obviously not alone in my decision. It's plain for anybody to see how fucked we all are.

The feeling of betrayal and rage is enormous. It's not something that I can live with.
I was raised by beautiful, loving parents who told me my whole life that I could do anything I want, that I'm capable of great things. Perhaps that was true, but that potential is now gone. A clever lobster in the pot is still fucked.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here, because there's no advice or discussion that could make any difference to our situation. It's not going to get better.
It's going to get worse until everybody who is still alive is going to envy the dead.

The one consolation that I have is quite a big one. Most people who have killed themselves probably felt a kind of grief beforehand because of the things they would miss out on.
Sporting events, new friends, movies, new family members, parties, new music, etc.

I will die knowing that humanity doesn't really have a future any more. I'm not going to miss out on anything good.
This is pretty much the beginning of the end of history.

Thanks for reading this, and good luck.",6.6121284935241995,8.120458927914115,6.692875255623722,72.88429925017044,65.54907975460122,9.66058623040218,34.42753919563736,9.888512548439397,3.6360544921608735,2879,130,472,63,45,919,339,652,0.168,0.703,0.129,-0.9881,4,1,2,0,0,2,75.0,10,0,6,9,20,39,9,1,40,1,64,15,3,9,9,80,116,28,10,5,12,1,2,3,1,14,5,0,0,3,40,27,4,5,9,7,2,20,13,19,1,3,11,8,34,20,79,82,15,75,0,5,4,3,29,28,2,6,30,318,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752091366686844,0.0,0.0,0.0691907925150805,0.07156378588302474,0.1525007976549795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349420820085644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372209758122175,0.12302218651483746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057693215593094524,0.12636290346281934,0.0763123490608119,0.05879656658423544,0.0,0.0,0.06111079449371029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309559934769871,0.0,0.07244702395713921,0.0,0.0,0.11033686825973614,0.0,0.0,0.044561931221574175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171190971263909,0.07219179206342352,0.0,0.0,0.06046736224747845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731653519886047,0.0,0.06119954618995103,0.0,0.07706156259008355,0.04563800129598975,0.0,0.05821731037586355,0.0,0.06210004313244472,0.0,0.06513862268090857,0.0,0.03493758399388716,0.0,0.0663440786440283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338426959933724,0.12775836262254164,0.1083011923197854,0.0,0.35342541107707703,0.11591078515396165,0.0,0.07617982742496666,0.0,0.0,0.061102361989902265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091358772952677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463143483148287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061416702083394926,0.30578293764400905,0.07195402573731767,0.0759479488766511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641603460517247,0.1012720993582322,0.0,0.06101402983849071,0.0,0.11604836973024472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236285564612375,0.0,0.13836860822908012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050794339411216284,0.0,0.053291964725953635,0.2669377467222735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260111552658968,0.0,0.0,0.07358618610877543,0.09364400420208484,0.0,0.07352421577693657,0.0,0.07672418341995822,0.0,0.0,0.1437097450022884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653191200146289,0.07789662965350344,0.06617594830132224,0.07029661992258246,0.07449839055718209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349330083683966,0.13823165309363392,0.0,0.04426538945473656,0.07104335557381339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012292977441412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776680667963249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319434482434033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036211116704564,0.11553658574902705,0.0,0.07223532065789565,0.0,0.07558104298600686,0.0,0.0651232252985252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361535186248347,0.0,0.0,0.13771518440196032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602526678428264,0.0,0.0,0.07515783339662135,0.0,0.0,0.2493460114137813,0.0,0.0,0.05701236693986405,0.04075527627006872,0.054846083906721056,0.0,0.0,0.062126616198007766,0.0,0.062349410543404864,0.07714447568033947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041587644525411,0.0490846171544206,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uuiope,2019/04/09,"I never chose to be born Let me quit this pointless hell painlessly. I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't want to be a mindless cogwheel in the machine, surviving and dying as if I didn't have a choice.",3.4813178294573635,4.286963953488375,5.093023255813954,84.0773643410853,72.25581395348838,7.593798449612403,30.6124031007752,7.793537801064563,2.023393798449612,162,7,33,2,3,55,32,43,0.226,0.612,0.162,-0.4203,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,5,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975199314083064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160027336367706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098802427127716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30914813307452216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263366318736643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728449264957236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lscolem,2019/04/09,"I’m an adult w/ ASD and I’m struggling to hold on On my better days I’m ok with being autistic and accept that this is my lot in life, but on my worst days...honestly I really hate being different, and it truly makes me despise myself.  People assume that I’m able to read social situations better than I actually can bc I’m “high functioning” (which is such a bullshit term imo... but I digress), without realizing that I’m trying to mask my deficits as best as I can.  It’s so exhausting though, and nobody understands this about me even though I work at an autism research center.  They can’t comprehend just how lonely and isolated I am most of the time.  They don’t get that I don’t choose to be this way, that it’s because on the occasions when I do reach out and try to be social, it always invariably ends in rejection...and rejection is the most painful stimulus you can inflict on a person short of physically harming them.  I have no one to talk to except my therapist, as past attempts to reach out to “friends” have always ended in accusations of me being manipulative and needy.  They say I’m crying for attention, without understanding that I cry bc I am in extreme emotional pain, and that my tears are literally me bleeding emotionally...basically I cry when I’m past the threshold of how much pain I can take without breaking down, if that makes any sense. I don’t know the implicit social rules I’m expected to understand intuitively, and it is overwhelming for me to not know what to do or say in most social situations.  I’m just so tired of it all.  I don’t ever want to leave my house so that I can just be alone with my cat without fear of being judged and/or rejected by people, but this isn’t an option for me bc I have to keep my job so I can afford to continue living independently.  And I know it’s never going to get better for me...I was scoring one of the behavioral scales we use with our ASD kids the other day and actually read the questions for the social domain, and realized that a lot of them applied to me.  I understand that this shouldn’t have been a surprise for me, but then again I had never read a description of my deficits in such stark terms before.  According to this scale, my social development is on par with that of a 7 year old child...and I’m 32 years old.  I’ve been on the outside looking in my entire life, and I know this will never change for me.  I lost my mom to suicide five years ago now, and I miss her so much...she was the only person in my life who loved me unconditionally, and with whom it was ok for me to not be ok, if that makes sense.  I didn’t have to mask or pretend everything was fine; with her, I could just be.  I know I’ll be letting a lot of people down by taking my life, but I really don’t want to live.  I don’t want to be alone, and that’s all I can expect from this life.  I just don’t want to suffer anymore.",5.891096416382254,5.260066819112627,7.077130972696249,76.93962137372014,66.81569965870307,10.396672354948805,31.111134812286693,9.903583721103773,2.7323790102389074,2260,75,466,45,32,771,248,586,0.16399999999999998,0.7390000000000001,0.098,-0.9944,3,5,0,0,0,1,67.0,2,1,5,7,23,29,2,3,21,3,54,12,0,8,7,94,93,40,1,10,21,1,0,0,1,2,11,2,0,4,35,25,0,2,16,4,0,1,21,17,0,3,9,3,68,12,82,69,13,51,0,7,1,1,29,23,0,13,25,328,103,6,0.0641080127980062,0.0,0.12512034559766105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056827885289280615,0.0,0.0,0.13279313458733208,0.0,0.0,0.10668600446754227,0.0,0.0,0.04359564706007507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357792235870913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03907964957260257,0.0,0.05455119711285041,0.0,0.06727740428142673,0.17009498291230704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678177771211452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511850317027295,0.0,0.21125892533472027,0.08268872946227958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697922867893487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211288569513387,0.1135613421454488,0.0,0.0,0.04234273783601463,0.05798936782879485,0.0,0.0,0.05761614819431987,0.0,0.0,0.07213933748623558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049529691660938034,0.0,0.06698758145261473,0.0,0.0364340610428416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329339031514715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773363529523681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397203946233978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636173106733693,0.05698214736012809,0.0,0.0,0.17616043632204698,0.0,0.0,0.06788112908678089,0.0,0.06555478653671584,0.22640692669204865,0.0,0.0,0.11321709962776133,0.0,0.05383458473472225,0.0,0.0699814689523252,0.16350701986989752,0.0578599844941298,0.0,0.12837778904864056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508252977702032,0.0,0.0,0.09425353153805477,0.0,0.1483321548103473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454115060600175,0.0,0.08688249720068156,0.04875703255057883,0.20464633670416396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239670437709392,0.1333332723676291,0.11195328802778537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181564614173745,0.0,0.1923760840101792,0.0,0.08213846915577762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196252976839464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412018481080316,0.0,0.3921002744108819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701961431835299,0.0,0.07012376084949748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964024945669356,0.05152759231867264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443434398313993,0.0,0.0,0.12597159415976322,0.0,0.03738189780549978,0.07368273004165216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705026505873101,0.0,0.0,0.2669548088529053,0.0,0.055368739706776984,0.0,0.0,0.15125026771840738,0.050885956576683315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24719134655002545,0.0,0.046671396839695886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385037513446115
suicidewatch,Ryxex,2019/04/09,"First time reaching out Hi, this is my first time reaching out or even talking to anyone about my mental health issues, but I know that if I keep heading the way that I am, I will end up dead within a year. I'm posting this on my main, for accountability, so if anyone I know in real life sees this, I'm sorry for not being brave enough to reach out to you. I'm a 19 year old guy in college studying Computer Science, but I am, in a very real way, fucking my life up quite badly. My depression and social anxiety have been ramping up over the past few years, and they have been very detrimental to my overall well-being and success. Recently, I stayed home from a test because I didn't want to deal with people, my depression makes it very hard to focus on things and this leads to me procrastinating, having very low interest in schoolwork or anything. I love playing video games but recently I've been playing way less frequently, because I just can't seem to focus on them. I have always had a good home life, but certain things my parents have said to me really hurt when I think back on them. I've smoked marijuana for a few years because it seemed like it helped at first, now it just makes me feel good, but not happy. I also have a really bad habit that I know is not helping a damn thing. Whenever I get upset and want to just detach from the world, I take well over 4 times the recommended amount of a certain OTC drug (not comfortable saying exactly what it was, but it makes you drowsy) to force myself to fall asleep for 6-8 hours. My parents think that I just like to sleep a lot but its honestly just another escape like video games used to be. I honestly just don't know what to do, I feel like I don't have a clear idea of how to even get started on fixing myself or my life, I don't have a drivers license so I can't do a lot of stuff without informing other people, and I don't have a job. It makes me feel very claustrophobic, not having a lot of room to change where my life is going. Any help, advice, wise words, or wake up calls are all welcome. Thanks.",6.815642857142858,5.497254802380954,7.184761904761905,79.17357142857145,65.26190476190476,10.19047619047619,31.904761904761905,9.107695989026183,2.4489047619047617,1627,50,337,23,21,533,204,420,0.126,0.688,0.18600000000000005,0.9783,3,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,3,6,18,31,2,1,19,0,33,13,4,7,5,69,65,24,1,4,25,2,4,4,0,1,7,2,3,1,23,10,0,1,13,6,1,3,13,9,1,3,7,7,45,22,50,55,10,53,0,4,1,2,23,24,2,11,25,223,68,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385410145938444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060439825786506814,0.06288708204119774,0.0,0.0,0.051395739244131815,0.07925028862696365,0.05781708413697245,0.0,0.0,0.1056920109506248,0.0,0.06219438450118873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058114938474895975,0.12620921034785398,0.13821523119620854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771737496408195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995167004246834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779177624521149,0.1301907137798642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764666900524336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693981535677512,0.07809244070940986,0.0,0.09983732135933547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146437629277705,0.05399305130108895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928602282023152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987078938210428,0.07897293654546111,0.0,0.042952808989903855,0.1267827465906775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483425897385101,0.0,0.08045435474689014,0.06770318466119782,0.0,0.07756499458619262,0.08033604794548001,0.0,0.0,0.15197533891549028,0.0,0.15162210983074298,0.0,0.07442926174125719,0.0,0.08090798147044377,0.08531854117397357,0.0,0.07888396131222639,0.07499966008706792,0.06717733959209628,0.0,0.0,0.16614311677244448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669154411516093,0.14769468193531982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276154213832788,0.06821223852078513,0.0,0.2017960298219654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616500726737621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930656338949205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784120116154286,0.0,0.07214790382440735,0.10479275740121977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238298379861814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038667431795071,0.0,0.17204898033423324,0.09683460683185101,0.0,0.1492486267607478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189213564801931,0.060102784865505965,0.0,0.0,0.06022600692794691,0.13760703336990576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756327398164571,0.07704241447700899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460356040140075,0.053494609354552525,0.08055626062008643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651890919387582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568253691293821,0.06074686069090925,0.0,0.06958221380128722,0.0,0.0,0.15063231003508915,0.09685486409188568,0.0,0.0,0.1322106954449875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527526255830772,0.0,0.3117994783949773,0.08915591170774799,0.17997127225565665,0.0,0.0,0.13590768154155825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285464746734885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194679423748496
suicidewatch,DoggoMemay,2019/04/09,"I think this is it My life has been great. Then I met a girl, she ruined me. My depression flared up and crushed me. I also think i might be trans. I would rather die then confess that shit. The only thing that has been stopping me is that my parents and my singular friend would be sad. I'm in a difficult state. I guess I'm asking for help, because I'm not entireley sure that im going to do it. But there's a 75% chance i won't make it to high school.",0.17151515151515184,1.9979338787878795,2.0972626262626264,97.65922727272728,83.94949494949495,5.576161616161617,18.990909090909085,6.742157984588678,-0.09941696969696956,350,9,86,4,10,116,66,99,0.243,0.647,0.111,-0.9226,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,4,0,13,2,1,1,1,15,23,6,1,3,3,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,15,3,5,14,0,8,1,3,0,0,8,3,1,2,3,55,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273323451406913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019286356793705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167015640737187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860384506593982,0.0,0.2241714484879528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687924070784593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275643636860804,0.0,0.0,0.23813816042340316,0.23794575203417734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477866492629268,0.22821336554706914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333145163702257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256552080320565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418010181883845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291393620088728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427593829794154,0.0,0.0,0.2398398174058953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186011430460492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171847329009792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058369861085388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357521928891936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349923413410307,0.27680513196891066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068770520845231,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xaniv,2019/04/09,"How much is enough I'm so done with everything.

I'm 23, and at least the last 10 years of my life I have lived them thinking about killing myself almost everyday, excluding the perdiods when I'm in a better mood, which typically don't last more than a month.

I've been dragging myself over life, keeping on living just because I don't want to make my parents suffer, and it feels like hell. I'm surrounded by people, but I feel isolated from all of them, just because I don't want to show how really depressed I feel, and I don't want to burden anyone... And the few people I've told don't really care.

I just want to go live in the forest, and forget about society, and civilization. Fuck. All of this.


The worst part is that I know that life is beautiful. That it's an amazing thing to happen.

I tried psychedelics and it was the first time that I felt self-love. It's warm. It shows you that really, everything is ok, just how you are, just how everything is, you just have to stop judging. It was the best feeling I've ever had. And it went away, as expected. 

I don't want to depend on anything to feel that way, and yet I'm on antidepressants, which, of course, doesn't really do anything for me. I just feel dead inside. The only feeling I get when I get home from work or uni is a deep sorrow. I lay in bed until it's 3 AM, I go to sleep, I wake up after a shitty sleep, and drag myself through the day, rinse and repeat.

I really just don't know what to do. Why keep going? Is a new place really going to change anything? I'll just feel depressed and anxious in a different place.

I'm just tired... Tired of everyone, tired of myself, tired of trying things to stop feeling this way without anything really working, too tired to try anything new. I just... Feel tired.",2.8649476515224284,4.411349927576605,4.193362789357412,87.04715877437326,74.79387186629526,7.4029776198251875,23.52137162616464,8.104835398774808,1.2024530016328878,1380,40,288,22,29,455,171,359,0.225,0.69,0.086,-0.9951,2,0,0,0,0,1,60.0,0,3,2,5,23,17,3,0,16,1,26,13,3,6,3,62,65,23,2,6,14,1,12,1,0,0,9,0,2,0,21,13,0,4,14,2,0,5,9,9,0,1,8,12,31,7,44,57,10,41,1,4,0,1,7,15,2,3,20,184,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870274817783982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750948197967693,0.0,0.04797352841360796,0.0,0.2822998678138972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644611131879809,0.0,0.0,0.08364772652598812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720016936725099,0.060679743249566286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995220683054511,0.0,0.0725800120557757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044247609078429805,0.0,0.11818694432115535,0.0,0.0,0.0716825798686921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021158912995812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089220631843265,0.0,0.0,0.062061441627647214,0.0,0.06555955080680123,0.18498604236530955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469114816904282,0.04901481497859361,0.06587611389446121,0.0,0.0,0.058359413382978335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342860296734246,0.0716915191828383,0.0,0.15596999500626846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060671370225287014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068821167547795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196698617750995,0.0759065165984969,0.0,0.07541224224536464,0.11185219751735896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538327411822305,0.033519255413130965,0.0,0.18175098340124085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045797537029264486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476364326009013,0.0,0.05043605633896903,0.0,0.0,0.13252743700126848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052180802151674865,0.0,0.0,0.07618300153886667,0.07429766701790326,0.0,0.09513071573737564,0.0,0.1433651597373842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076721129950861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157492644914425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731858671054545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472163661534507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911625308350143,0.04396235375518463,0.0,0.0,0.040006893598772866,0.4731408484686063,0.0,0.06555955080680123,0.0,0.13974453798747147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023390237863331,0.10891844287989208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360192026219172,0.06190962259417201,0.0,0.0,0.06613734508223186,0.0,0.09989742185840073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418242581790939
suicidewatch,m4ttyyy,2019/04/09,...I’m ready to attempt to end it again after a year of not acting on the active thoughts... I was in the hospital this time last year..they let me out not knowing I was still planning to jump off the skyway bridge while I was in Florida last summer...but I couldn’t get anyone to take me there...I’ve tried slitting my wrist...drinking bleach...attempted to fill my lungs with water...i think I might attempt to OD on my antidepressants and antipsychotics...that’d be ironic.... :),2.8810000000000002,5.347857099999999,3.3877777777777784,88.58500000000002,78.0,6.222222222222222,23.333333333333336,7.3871296695380915,1.021666666666667,369,12,71,5,9,115,66,90,0.0,0.899,0.101,0.802,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,10,13,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,4,0,10,0,15,5,0,18,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,9,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19904428558879075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886318511736485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521285687592664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487256377673008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644435982448662,0.4640797015060466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29108910114239595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30198442622202165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22733372113114794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21403254418086784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240174499068748,0.0,0.2259920977074528,0.1659903663190995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932687508330248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666296673734334
suicidewatch,ShadsDR,2019/04/09,"I'm just tired I was diagnosed with depression at 12. Always been severe but this past 6 months has been the worst. I've tried doing everything recommended. I reach out for support, even being blunt about it, and the response I get off of everyone I'm close to in life is that they have it worst or that I'm wrong for feeling this way and to get over it. Today I went to a gig, and unexpectedly the headliner played a song about his friend who committed suicide at age 23, 23 being the song name. I heard that, and for the first time in those 6 months I felt, not happy, but not totally depleted either. It was a bit encouraging and for the first time I considered other options that killing myself (I've been planning for the last 3 months). After the gig, I told my partner that and tried to open up to him about my feelings and he immediately shut them down. He kept saying I was wrong for feeling that way then ditched me in a park at night. I broke down and walked straight to the bridge above the river but couldn't do anything because there just happened to be police so I went back home where he just continues shouting at me. He finally left me alone and now I'm here. I literally want nothing else more than to just die. I'm in constant pain and I don't have any support. I just want it to end.",4.267836924376852,5.13469385931559,5.004150823827633,85.20928495986482,70.48288973384031,8.277904520490072,27.919095901985635,8.515128840125781,1.7731488804393751,1027,35,217,16,18,332,147,263,0.195,0.6920000000000001,0.114,-0.9863,0,1,0,0,0,3,24.0,0,0,2,3,15,14,1,0,14,0,17,4,0,0,2,38,38,16,3,3,12,0,4,0,2,0,4,5,1,1,16,14,0,1,4,3,0,3,4,8,0,2,12,9,24,6,36,22,6,45,0,2,0,0,16,20,0,2,20,143,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894678554297018,0.0,0.0,0.10359584764124448,0.0,0.0,0.08466580097731631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245474542299836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957345470089004,0.0,0.07589541745802765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592421378989852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454270457898745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723360753332553,0.12636716540606194,0.12921368159179442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040056560769708,0.0,0.11027204137553333,0.0,0.0,0.08223256348319749,0.0,0.0,0.11896723756854492,0.11189459648064802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888562390206596,0.0,0.11954168683782165,0.136386131851838,0.0,0.21180310453174864,0.0,0.0,0.0961901313416496,0.0,0.13009457644712566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009693059782326,0.1325349627602904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488591042258612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377432957066151,0.0,0.0,0.10148595277769194,0.0,0.0,0.13527206149117926,0.0,0.08793962281958992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981295300683926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683692983752858,0.0,0.1194632689955382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324791745855996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885148761286225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900918824095696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065210702350436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361852565620402,0.2825673611472919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451965291577609,0.1430970240807593,0.11801357758267865,0.11896723756854492,0.0,0.16905771363661598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146869308382625,0.1976481856605988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082967056762846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722473365562004,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Konjokradica,2019/04/09,I want to but I can't Please help me. This is the little reason thats left screaming for help. I'm scared to die.,-2.2384615384615363,-0.4516590769230717,0.10653846153846304,105.87596153846157,101.30769230769228,2.6,10.346153846153848,3.1291,-2.1820461538461537,88,1,23,0,4,29,22,26,0.579,0.389,0.032,-0.9669,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524382272704579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552367070594931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689628293525779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403559035034839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727651159456339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491525242893737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399863446675633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002975151282187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FrequentInstance2,2019/04/09,"How long after a friends marriage? tl:dr My friend was just married and I want to know how long I should wait so that he doesn't associate my death with his wedding.

Hey all. First off, sorry if this is not the right place to ask, I just have no idea where else to go.

I've been going through what I used to call a rough patch, until I realized I'd been going through it for about 10 years. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like being alive. I don't have some sad story to share, my life isn't terrible, there are people out there with way worse lives than me, I know that. I just don't like this place, or most of the people in it. I think it's time to call it quits. I'm arranging a way to bow out in the near future. 

Thing is, my good friend just got married a little over a week ago. I don't want to have him associate my death with his new marriage. How long do you think I should give it before I check out? Would a month be enough, or do you think he'll still associate the two events?",1.8004411764705883,2.9400335648148186,2.858812636165581,97.19686274509803,76.77777777777777,6.378649237472768,19.65032679738562,6.794906146795322,-0.12946535947712468,774,15,192,7,17,247,121,216,0.062,0.7979999999999999,0.139,0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,3,13,9,0,0,11,0,22,1,0,4,1,37,40,9,2,6,8,0,1,2,3,4,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,8,0,1,4,8,2,0,2,4,1,24,7,28,30,4,34,0,1,0,0,19,13,0,5,17,121,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170051692793162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233970491722806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231760640198207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695623057547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370158302240392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026447618191138,0.0,0.0,0.13638561348654993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227446302349256,0.0,0.0,0.3059358936712117,0.0,0.0,0.1266211617405438,0.2250465660379628,0.1107107327943702,0.10556806780713396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490057356907239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508146180176276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323162615945453,0.12897170085517792,0.13229317551292796,0.1165535708378558,0.35043296394569395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535675881262496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274811205482151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830167475530111,0.0,0.2758123393078319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403924092191438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272259058215504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775704772025455,0.0,0.0,0.1054109864220842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769128752371176,0.2537302574678627,0.0,0.0,0.07696706042200098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893945700113066,0.0,0.0,0.11400087702006845,0.0,0.0,0.15570756405810096,0.2095421968593945,0.1058780343687443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451368259229615,0.09376511300270986,0.0,0.0,0.08500013701693435
suicidewatch,killmeplease1001,2019/04/09,I dont know what I can do except suicide. Every day is a living nightmare and waking up is like shooting myself in the foot. I talked to my parents 2 weeks and for a week they seemed to care but it's like they've forgottan every time I let the facade slip they notice but dont say anything. I have been planning suicide for the last month and I want to get help but I dont even know how to fucking talk to people what the fuck is the point of going to a doctor if I cant get a therapist for 3 FUCKING MONTHS. They think sleep is the problem but it's not I just wish I was dead. I dont know what to do anymore.,1.3483636363636364,2.563854125925925,3.2689562289562315,93.4848484848485,78.1111111111111,5.5016835016835035,21.902356902356907,5.565023196281405,0.023962962962963186,477,13,111,2,11,161,78,135,0.19,0.721,0.08800000000000001,-0.9586,1,0,0,1,0,2,6.0,0,0,3,1,3,7,3,0,10,0,16,7,3,1,0,20,30,9,3,4,8,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,2,1,16,3,14,27,0,11,0,0,0,3,8,3,3,2,9,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966965212314193,0.0,0.0,0.0992990016329259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230284724198358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782050059315987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350821313735805,0.0,0.0,0.5656852503046264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969969006203542,0.0,0.20333500422637288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33466524435890754,0.12608748873195802,0.0,0.0685780731529821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088082521793855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894696791361088,0.09836004910250798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233906080729451,0.0,0.11790400837867833,0.0,0.10655153883767447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263116003630512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738065261076327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398688516560314,0.0,0.0,0.08365559263717483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406971104030945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546242038324958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959595722406289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985108334852316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075456031554567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26398113543501905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397579596037093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010417012717072,0.0,0.07731880767654475,0.0,0.0,0.07036214050606213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117276819487983,0.0,0.19358424473827876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387615729950963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,peacheon,2019/04/09,Getting close to people just means giving them the power to hurt you. I hate this place so much. I just want to leave forever and get as far away from here as possible and I want everyone who knew me to forget I existed and I’ll be gone and I’ll be free and I’ll never have to feel like this again.,0.1688571428571457,2.1803371384615398,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,85.30769230769229,6.175824175824177,16.978021978021978,7.447530270364453,0.09910989010989013,234,5,55,4,7,79,44,65,0.145,0.695,0.161,0.0329,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,1,5,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,13,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,7,3,9,9,1,7,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457942022800453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499826127017672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227948865113015,0.18689651406475807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27336418650424266,0.2509632087639766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582888615979485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800623289933793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770105925517488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278109892589908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849734567003109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231579507224175,0.0,0.2017722188344968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136964466320915,0.0,0.27333010034778604,0.0,0.0,0.2949295618155724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086124733629823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ozzie0213,2019/04/09,"Any advice Listen what I’ve done it beyond fixing, everyone at my school hates me for what I’ve done and I can’t go to anyone for help because if I tell them what I’ve done they’ll hate me too. Trust me this isn’t some sort of teen drama bullshit,  I’ve seriously fucked up, like prison bad. If the school find out my life is over and I’ll never be able to look anyone in the face again. No one cares about me anymore and the only people who would miss me would be my family, and even though it would tear them apart I don’t care, I’m a coward and a terrible person and I wouldn’t be there to see it so I’ll go ahead with it, the only reason I’m not dead right now is because I don’t know how to do it.",2.0877675489067897,2.5327293417721535,3.828273878020713,93.19894706559269,75.20253164556964,6.7581127733026465,18.794016110471805,6.574015621080383,-0.22358987341772216,548,7,136,4,11,185,93,158,0.194,0.7,0.106,-0.9332,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,10,11,3,0,6,0,18,3,1,2,1,22,32,11,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,7,0,1,3,3,16,4,16,21,1,14,0,1,2,1,8,8,1,4,5,86,26,2,0.14165316623786012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842183461549984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096329010535793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404818775667319,0.1980943748673552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827447695190665,0.17270091072289034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888496873362793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348811099705589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356058033727807,0.0,0.0,0.13535567075335314,0.0,0.0,0.13353799832010413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946842767792274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309560696181906,0.0,0.0,0.16100951754294573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797063502285987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494713140864414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784887561399177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005382049561584,0.06920458184601577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895298337824856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092516544433356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959878514555307,0.21546723212006036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820446967235193,0.12368608094157092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564304719404186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097102998738167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867211334686609,0.11287923359431662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381111090792653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917351661628916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30187903520246245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tammywinter2000,2019/04/09,sleeping pill od advice im planning death by sleeping pills how much Diphenhydramine and Hydrochloride would it take to kill me i can buy 4 boxes of sleeping pills each box contains 20 50mg pills will 80 be enough to kill me?,3.659318181818183,5.9642781136363645,3.45,89.92000000000002,74.68181818181819,6.218181818181819,26.90909090909091,7.1686216300943375,1.3060181818181822,183,7,35,2,4,55,36,44,0.264,0.736,0.0,-0.936,0,0,0,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,0,5,5,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22592089583002656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388860444307972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497300716168958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115656131588281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699547894078228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6940853383536268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382972706860614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423416208068772,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LMS3oul,2019/04/09,"Today I actually tried it.... I have given up the past couple of months. My mom is literally the pain of my existence. Everyday she somehow turns anything good that may be happening to me into something that is wrong with me. Today I finally had enough stormed to my room and made a makeshift noose from a belt and hung it from the coat hooks on my door and put it around my neck. Before I decided to lean back and let it all happen I decided to give myself 6 months. 6 months to try and find happiness or something, anything that can prove to myself I’m not a worthless person my mom hints that I am. If by then I don’t succeed, we’ll catch y’all in the next life or something. 

A little back story on her and why in my note I left in my phone, I flat out blame her and only her. She’s been an alcoholic since I was an infant. In fact she openly admitted to me that she would still drink even when she was pregnant with me. So even as a kid I was used to her constantly taking her frustrations out on me and my sisters. My earliest memories are of when my oldest sister ran away 3 times but each time my dad convinced her to come back. Instead of my mom trying to understand why her child felt that running away and being homeless was a better option, she would beat her and call her an embarrassment to the family. That’s probably why when she graduated high school she took the first offer from an out of state college. Then when our financial situation forced us to be homeless, we moved to a crappy 3 bedroom, roach infested apartment, my second oldest ran away from home too. This time she waited till she was 17 and knew the courts wouldn’t force her to comeback to her. She even tried to save me and told DCF that our mom has been abusive our whole childhoods. When they came with a police officer and an agent from DCF to interview me and find out if that was true. I lied and said no because I didn’t want to leave my father with her, he’s the only parent that me and my siblings get along with to this day. Fast forward to my senior year of high school. I started experimenting with painkillers and alcohol to try and numb myself. I also found comfort in my friends, I would find any excuse to stay at their homes for the day to just not be at mine. Their parents even started noticing I hated going home, one their moms questioned me about it and I opened up to her (or rather my friend told her why I always hung out at their house). She found my mom at work and demanded she stop treating me the way she has, because eventually I would leave like my sisters did and instead of starting a new life, I’d probably just kill myself. My mom took that as the ultimate insult, she got home that night and told me “ok, you let yourself become and embarrassment to your parents. You want to die so bad go ahead and do it.” That night I wrote a suicide note but decided against it. 

Fast forward to today (my early 20’s). I never moved out because my mom would constantly tell me I’d probably die on my own and she’s more than willing to allow me too. Low key I haven’t left because of my dad still, I don’t want to leave him with her. I had a girlfriend at the beginning of the year. My mom everyday would tell me how she was horrendous, she probably only wants me for my money and that I’ll probably force her away because I’m a sad piece of crap basically. In February she broke up with me because she said I became to distant and cold, at that moment I didn’t think about why she was doing this. The voice in my head, that would be drowned out by another telling me everything will be ok, became louder and said “mom was right. You always fuck things up.”  About 2 weeks ago I told my mom I had 3 job interviews lined up for jobs that pay way more than my current one. One even means I’ll be working for the state and will make more than enough to survive on my own (possibly even try to find a nice girl and start a family). My mom’s reaction was to point out that I owe $5000 on my car still and that no one would accept it for a trade in because I smoke in the car and I constantly fuck up. She went on to say I’ll never get my shit together, that who would hire me? I never get nice haircuts (according to her I should have a buzz cut, as a kid she would forcibly hold me down and shave my head to a 3 with the clippers. She only stopped because one day my grandfather came over and walked in on her doing it and ripped her off me and said “if I ever catch you doing that shit to my grandson again I will fucking kill you you dirty chink whore!”), I have bad teeth and I’m too fat to even do anything. When she could even finish her rant I ran to my room and made that noose. 

 This isn’t a cry for help, I’m done with that. I’ve realized only I can save myself. Even though my friends closest to me have made plans before to come in the middle of the night and basically kidnap me away from my mom because they seen what she does. 6 months guys. I’ll give you all the updates as they come.",5.404830619880676,5.012289570869992,5.903260356625206,84.15420087976541,67.7585532746823,9.166609363939733,29.465888023730066,8.641336200584522,1.931725803080864,3913,121,844,54,58,1267,391,1023,0.14300000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.076,-0.9979,7,0,7,0,0,3,84.0,6,9,7,9,41,43,12,2,44,2,68,19,8,7,9,143,134,65,6,21,13,23,1,1,4,18,7,6,8,7,39,69,4,4,19,1,4,24,14,24,0,7,46,9,177,19,139,60,12,162,0,4,1,4,130,66,6,10,72,578,216,16,0.0,0.04140949477350235,0.03410571351480958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030980662114873467,0.07470086762783011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027949137794400742,0.0581616408910832,0.0,0.0,0.02376688846280594,0.036647644301706944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628149071450845,0.031112503987706926,0.0,0.0,0.16418123577969587,0.08062212633200236,0.058362818969643335,0.1917442592720148,0.03859902561851212,0.05947897575677935,0.0,0.0,0.0309100316169098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035687392125200085,0.07994593558425571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031781280878937,0.0,0.11330412337573335,0.0,0.027904367098109614,0.038671005801997074,0.03839043309594358,0.06761869393358247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254421792060964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03058458156771411,0.03576551784266156,0.0,0.034237247793175905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222444332642781,0.0,0.20775459838328955,0.03161386354276125,0.0,0.0,0.031410396682584316,0.034187360427089614,0.06589463950615372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033557043161871004,0.038285517247567714,0.12777300059290872,0.029728064362320162,0.0,0.07664074236185081,0.08100579323989895,0.09693087106878888,0.054779082917963705,0.06705357468629368,0.039725262655651385,0.02931401942596694,0.027952343122937817,0.0,0.0,0.03460554342413361,0.06181153286004602,0.03720443958464285,0.0,0.03450543917790753,0.07173663039232064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023425942709274887,0.07385222442157723,0.14022896939862678,0.0,0.0,0.040327081482356635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936405944355484,0.0,0.0773329846943872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101956267640783,0.07594556386364422,0.07147655350426148,0.049371793165327416,0.017074581880379962,0.03502862476858275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921031103229347,0.02332909207820817,0.0,0.0,0.038070299341041135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321222875150227,0.11158557066825782,0.07429166872115922,0.0,0.0,0.08086572895608529,0.03375448748167297,0.03716923665033845,0.09839333878843948,0.0,0.0,0.039790287608350905,0.0,0.0,0.11841357793664388,0.13290351589576913,0.037188779054533716,0.0,0.1164219981890392,0.0,0.03336329447223043,0.0,0.03051659384633275,0.0,0.0,0.03303861587086236,0.03940035971367254,0.0,0.0,0.1884075985764183,0.0,0.0,0.03513394495507712,0.039151487977297034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02984671970519773,0.1329800792383371,0.02779328024483269,0.0,0.07074160900414216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175040957210088,0.028910624042853317,0.03928475190329517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071759959840115,0.0,0.0,0.09894986880930516,0.037251563831858285,0.08373225320692065,0.05843876761870277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038229128711081334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02627770764305142,0.0,0.09164232603566712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02321892413748757,0.0223942566621892,0.034337749635316384,0.0,0.06113808067445577,0.0,0.0993842438078045,0.13358314849119696,0.07766045892385064,0.14237067779663254,0.038015067972763945,0.0,0.03638370797589989,0.042039998335283685,0.030185184753049443,0.0,0.0,0.0824565865000086,0.055482642687452566,0.028034416157584983,0.0,0.0,0.03239857753047717,0.15768263750773925,0.03901991787383237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088736871201268,0.0,0.0,0.2482715338127717,0.038211840008227034,0.0,0.04501272107650562
suicidewatch,mxqueen976,2019/04/09,"Work hours are making me suicidal I've been working as a welder from 4:30pm-3am Mon-Fri for about 5 months, and I've been hating it more and more each day. The job itself is okay, but I hate the 10 hour shifts within this time frame. I've tried to switch to 1st shift, but there are no openings.

I'm trapped in this job due to being the sole breadwinner for my family (mom n grandma). My mom was fired just before I got hired at this job, and is ineligible for unemployment due to being fired for misconduct and insubordination. Every penny I slave for goes to all the bills, food, etc. 

I've checked online for 1st shift welding jobs, but they are hard to come by in my area. 

Everyone says just stop thinking about the hours and deal with it. None of them have ever worked these hours. 

I'm used to leaving work with the sun still up, with plenty of time to do things. Getting home at 4am and up at 11am leaves little time for anything but work.

I just can't see a way out. I just hate working in general. I'm too weak to survive this constant rat race for chump change that keeps other people happy and comfortable at my own expense.

I keep thinking about dumping my little savings on my dream gun and just ending it all. Or just go roam around in a shitty part of my town and wait to catch a stray bullet to the brain. 

I'm not strong enough for this world. I don't deserve to be here.",4.575248226950354,4.996028794326244,4.956170212765958,87.43333333333334,69.56737588652483,7.685106382978723,25.59574468085107,7.3871296695380915,0.9934382978723404,1088,28,235,10,18,345,166,282,0.191,0.7659999999999999,0.044,-0.9933,6,1,0,1,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,8,15,10,4,0,11,1,15,3,1,2,3,42,34,15,1,0,12,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,13,17,1,4,2,1,3,3,5,5,0,0,4,5,17,5,47,27,10,40,0,0,1,0,6,20,0,1,16,140,30,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853107112567848,0.08495327016223146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120422416715464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653186423318553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095268788457666,0.08220482194809929,0.0,0.10312633796620484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154470001328721,0.09838453092117667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845229909916098,0.098605092162481,0.10643009901387997,0.0,0.0863222417418181,0.0804042105995689,0.0911878171825872,0.0,0.0,0.08996326869770717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153947936806364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985843454031419,0.0,0.05423528385861509,0.0,0.07632439220991633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015874134887184,0.08548687558700495,0.2826532282042085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572445154687502,0.0,0.3759188032496851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37879970598224455,0.16964581210510854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209398564358988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912926214201615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370051933919134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235338141686343,0.07617161845067831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334180136601014,0.0,0.06615940933360202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589006806609988,0.0,0.0,0.07604565704133312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621082433384874,0.07978407034388978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438534618565026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339970373029814,0.12229586773581495,0.0,0.0,0.1669386651357131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479096345966567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242120776379458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574819332131014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168467170380893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Larkande,2019/04/09,"Trying to find resources to help my partner and I navigate my illness, and seeing for the first time how people suffering from BPD are demonised by the people around them Giving myself another good reason why I don’t deserve to be alive and should just do everyone a favour and hurry up and kill myself",13.147368421052633,8.537244877192986,11.879385964912286,60.65486842105264,56.368421052631575,14.207017543859653,44.28947368421053,11.20814326018867,5.0586210526315805,246,9,39,4,2,79,45,57,0.152,0.652,0.196,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,0,11,7,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,7,2,8,5,0,4,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755903853425108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339661150483057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33101342989744104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511364104666347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402133284466558,0.22355512528037666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521215324817997,0.0,0.2204415062270126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761631532196449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907721281640467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644135168926121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702234186285709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209434044272572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325284460725894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784379810447139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371547730316584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ughfrustrating,2019/04/09,"Posted this on my Facebook On mobile. First and last time poster. 
Posted this on my Facebook page. Where all 79 of my friends are majority family. Didnt receive so much as a like, let alone a comment.  
This is what I posted: 
Not a cry for help because I've cried out many times and gotten ignored. This is my final peace. I know I wont be missed. No memories to dwell on. No true loss. That's ok. The one person who loved me was taken back in '85. Wish I could say my kids would miss me but that also would be wishful thinking. Just want to get this off my chest and free my mind. Idc if I'm judged because those same ones judging are the same ones who dgaf when it mattered. Dont care now. Dont act. Ignore and forget me in death as you did in life👌",-0.4927762803234508,1.7029749245283017,1.3150584007187796,99.11981132075472,92.2075471698113,3.783288409703504,16.37646001796945,5.288315135182226,-0.8577992812219231,579,14,134,3,21,188,111,159,0.121,0.703,0.175,0.6409999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,2,7,13,0,1,5,1,16,2,1,0,2,26,29,11,1,7,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,12,5,0,2,2,0,1,2,7,6,0,4,5,1,15,8,15,17,6,23,0,3,0,1,11,10,0,1,9,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475358843135362,0.0,0.11391771155070345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095357359459508,0.0,0.17367315490441165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452379037344457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373523095672113,0.0,0.3129506402595665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339021379025621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342897693520881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604769429601695,0.0,0.12116842694396066,0.0,0.0,0.11005699777600353,0.0,0.07442457095654217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548164970202078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828713686019402,0.11611627017618847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456654130913498,0.10061708761684096,0.06959417881891397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856724867948516,0.0,0.0,0.14442257296362412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438345208741258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471759830321256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895846858884307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438238921248425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092849588288063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328245276364173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127660715697536,0.0,0.0,0.16612820737131012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840210680689176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276223720299193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023856705933884,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phooboi25,2019/04/09,"Catastrophe Does anyone else ever just dream of a major catastrophic event happening just so that they won't have to keep playing this game of life. Bills, school, work, relationships, debt.

I know I sound awful, but some days I wish the only thing I had to worry about is basic survival..not all the extra stress in my life..for some reason it seems easier to be far away from all these expectations and responsibilities. 

I don't think I'll ever be able to have the life I want , or maintain it, and if I some how am able to attain it, I won't be happy or satisfied, I'll always have to look over my shoulder...waiting for the floor to fall out from under me. Like it has so many times before. 

Man, it all seems so pointless. But I'm a huge coward so I think about dying everyday, but can't seem to pull the trigger.",5.0930487804878055,5.269148060975612,6.059658536585367,80.82802439024394,68.39024390243902,8.755121951219513,25.546341463414635,8.548686976883017,1.5032385365853655,638,15,131,9,10,212,105,164,0.14,0.736,0.125,-0.5569,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,11,4,0,1,7,1,14,2,0,3,5,32,26,13,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,7,3,2,2,4,1,0,0,1,2,13,3,20,20,8,16,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,9,7,87,22,2,0.30943524705999603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873745694736494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081821597361026,0.15852648898933824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453623002991595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165330213260326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978006770720484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057246646159426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353944349747674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12924672152748293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799018964679901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681628352477884,0.16469978721020226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375201326388541,0.0,0.0,0.08502875967667586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32784489912886833,0.07558721576772677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992383713599645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685938636817254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766972453769345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907548517264902,0.0,0.16610882621698306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658249499206084,0.0,0.42254734102245817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722851501732848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278751426946783,0.1982736118683897,0.0,0.0,0.09021709048651168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125646295339447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791763151194553,0.0,0.0,0.11263627260784136,0.15712325686687956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineedhelp329523,2019/04/09,"I still feel like a loser Back in November I made a post here. My debts are getting paid, although those are in small payments. I'm learning to drive, studying. I have a plan by the end of the year to move, but the reason I'm posting is because I'm self-conscious. All those things don't matter if I can't find a good job where I can settle down. I at least want an office job and the only thing I have is a degree from a community college. Anybody can graduate from community colleges. I can't afford to go to a university and the five minutes I went to the cheapest one I hyperventilated because everyone there was better than me. The worst part is that I only went there to be back where I came from. I've regretted it ever since. I feel like I've missed out on something everybody should go through. I'm turning 25 in two months. I feel like I'm wasting my time and everybody elses'. There's only a certain point you age before you realize how much of a waste you are.

If I seem like I'm being a bitch, then piss off, I need help. It's in my goddamn name.",2.831542780748663,4.1227070045454575,4.528877005347591,85.64243315508023,74.4090909090909,7.1764705882352935,27.032085561497325,7.724431198458867,1.4678556149732622,831,31,176,11,17,281,129,220,0.168,0.728,0.104,-0.9453,4,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,3,11,13,2,0,18,0,17,1,1,3,3,27,39,9,0,6,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,8,0,2,7,3,6,0,3,6,3,23,7,23,30,5,32,0,3,0,0,5,13,2,3,14,115,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447125790321288,0.0,0.1620985523155986,0.0,0.11313650679809592,0.0,0.0,0.11758955017840182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206724341882044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106840733852352,0.0,0.1177603264238259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026710420318625,0.0,0.12704599057981245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168097077763375,0.284953251451914,0.0,0.0,0.1215201738619808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946447892539885,0.0,0.15112491065332395,0.11151791757905027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911818984299177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263878363167167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598240503513141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258070086752959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612490811965478,0.14131211535456406,0.0977386003971645,0.09858583717194402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009501858268976,0.30335908118764915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397933768453067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256872211235904,0.0,0.2546718646959356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670181011881274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103894432250102,0.13870301610525065,0.0,0.0,0.10998329987848393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235669707375136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617953109910357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666127804670032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775282222761961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461889907848574,0.12987954623375753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842140891307056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465047079501992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561986751247018
suicidewatch,done-and-dusted,2019/04/09,"Tonight it will be over Tonight I will end it once and for all. After years of being scared of dying and hurting everybody around me, I got to the point where I don't care anymore. I'm ready to go.

​

When people find out, most of them will be surprised. Who would have thought someone like me could be depressed or suicidal? President of a number of university clubs, top student, popular with everyone, someone who had it all.  


I don't even know why I'm posting here. Maybe to say goodbye to the world. Just a couple of minutes ago, I was on phone with my mum. We went through a couple of routine questions like:  


''How are you feeling?''  
''I'm good'' I answer with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

''Good, you sound better. The pills seem to be working''  


If she only knew. I'm sorry for whatever I'm going to put her through, but I can't anymore.  


Please don't try to talk me out of it. I've made my mind.",1.2420652173912998,3.5439199456521737,2.748000000000001,91.74700000000001,83.23913043478261,5.419130434782609,24.96086956521739,6.742157984588678,0.9185117391304348,706,29,148,8,20,230,118,184,0.08,0.833,0.087,-0.3436,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,2,1,3,7,11,0,1,6,0,19,1,0,2,2,29,35,9,2,3,4,1,1,2,0,4,1,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,8,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,7,3,19,8,30,18,4,21,0,2,0,0,13,9,0,5,9,95,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202478147014595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915149354500348,0.16726853713497072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730378595879508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225440723639772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174658628351025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403506661125793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990805440451973,0.30463009568501026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856392466264105,0.0,0.14286641624801166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192339982576085,0.0,0.0,0.09092126699745393,0.0,0.0,0.1315373315964953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960360472300776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581616572075474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646749176715616,0.23092061759054094,0.11009701950551597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736485485267706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565278432044029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450468649907926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302545490948778,0.0,0.0,0.1382951364728711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899450691313908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119386398221396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660040064261556,0.0,0.10469448602268216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954341537347826,0.0,0.0,0.15110624244673485,0.13013052680312415,0.0,0.1318375234115024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838348384649854,0.1542075423354853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094705121420251,0.13781884846061793,0.0,0.0,0.12531792371233172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332729583682452,0.0,0.0,0.15409593926313206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057460875002454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064362434677524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928442191950337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934601869895166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760958201735978,0.12421419085346558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021606419594513,0.0,0.0,0.0977877088179371,0.0,0.16726853713497072,0.08864670858826257
suicidewatch,bobthebuildings,2019/04/09,"I don’t want to be happy anymore I’ve had suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years and since this year its getting worse every day. Since the begin of february i’ve stayed at home and didn’t go to school, during those months i’ve told my mother that i don’t want to live anymore. She told me she’ll find the best help there is. But from the second she told me that i knew that i just want to suffer alone. I’ve went to my psychologist for 3 months now but i dont see any changes, it’s only going downhile. Since monday i’ve been going to school  and i feel a little bit happiness returning. I haven’t told any of my friends that i’m actively planning my suicide. The reason that in going to school again because it’s almost the end of the school year and if i dont go to the next year i will probably kill myself.

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English isn’t my first language.)",3.4630100334448137,4.349965869565221,4.4876086956521775,88.09819397993313,72.3695652173913,7.183277591973244,25.56688963210702,7.321109707123232,1.0599469899665546,696,21,149,7,13,227,103,184,0.132,0.7509999999999999,0.117,-0.7762,0,1,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,1,0,9,0,13,0,0,1,0,18,33,7,3,5,4,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,0,5,0,0,6,7,3,0,2,10,2,20,4,17,20,2,26,0,1,1,0,10,3,0,2,16,82,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973685375101494,0.10070792538762828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983729287660137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928654122398314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592746070128201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204394725227864,0.0,0.1061573231398121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286356534161713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270964551716691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279214426179815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612287982539861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819261373229219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916581143193805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888726080140981,0.08270951136251199,0.0,0.0,0.07512485502752518,0.0,0.050802177204356425,0.0,0.2763093673835765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070206106296083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517572927304803,0.0,0.0975363666170079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757803297116827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745674669563817,0.08586181249014628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522685756790308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034123636035862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739529134768127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282345966457706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483763910973763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997555137886376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936350407762523,0.07748508312092656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413056792355921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884855636987097,0.0,0.10364141453917247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127223970569565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719510076992568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716554432644696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205822488767336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013942124609584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990925332366356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504690598055648
suicidewatch,jesuschristreddit209,2019/04/09,How many failed attempts have you had? I have had tons. It is starting to get annoying. So much frustration..,1.0875000000000021,3.2711067500000013,1.6999999999999993,91.78000000000004,106.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.874,85,4,16,2,4,26,18,20,0.261,0.7390000000000001,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,2,3,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413798285168473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6624553230017642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803316336525604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624870586525622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,you-are-frogs,2019/04/09,"Hey Reddit is the only place i can describe who i am because i dont know if anyone in real life even cares about me. I honestly dont know if i have depression but i think about killing myself all the time, my mom is abusive and she threw a knife at me.  ive run away and she said she was gonna put me in a sped class because im a failure sometimes i just wonder what it would be like when this is all over, i burn myself with lighters on purpose and lean against ropes till i can barely breathe and sorry if you cant really understand what im saying because im crying right now and just rethinking stuff",4.085058139534883,4.151680790697679,5.1514631782945735,86.84952034883725,70.55038759689923,8.000387596899225,28.5281007751938,7.6454224807358475,1.5181542635658911,478,16,105,5,8,158,87,129,0.182,0.762,0.055,-0.962,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,0,7,5,1,0,5,0,14,2,1,0,2,22,23,11,1,4,6,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,2,20,3,11,17,2,16,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,4,6,71,26,1,0.0,0.17904752219122874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566368677829677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197827632255447,0.0,0.0,0.2763563823935308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407263789871115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599361956174558,0.0,0.0,0.1301558242534048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542132037428039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981056617254777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896930136885736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718725221011851,0.0,0.16609859243963773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673756442503501,0.07382755077923675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698500828488056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149303817484244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788385630933174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191312580405888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200287330188502,0.0968086563360041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905207460225648,0.14374573886164155,0.12017335610160672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945739842621292,0.16916177535421326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299144635884234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682890816733973,0.0,0.0,0.08811684305868761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731688582162198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387864792849013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734833448931,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyGayestAltYet,2019/04/09,"I think I might be trans, and I would honestly rather die than have to deal with that I've been feeling a lot of disphoria lately, which leads me to believe I might be trans. That'd be all fine and dandy if I could actually try some stuff out without having to worry about criticism or discrimination from others. My brother is super transphobic and my parents wouldn't really appreciate it either. Also I really don't want to have to walk down this path either, I just want to be a dumb teen and not have to worry about all this.",6.2945714285714285,6.195894028571428,7.080714285714286,75.46678571428575,65.85714285714286,10.428571428571429,28.92857142857143,10.125756701596842,2.638142857142857,423,12,82,9,6,141,70,105,0.141,0.723,0.136,-0.14400000000000002,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,2,0,17,0,0,1,2,28,21,7,1,7,8,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,10,3,16,10,6,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,6,1,68,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.1975625427890696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618996397488131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280924538274992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164029866809151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20871763786333192,0.0,0.0,0.2101117185367885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236508613276024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283730498905996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721162264754472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295361024862621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247973885550835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593900256541545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317574554140412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972214430089635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745064108731878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388211712910636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515511544746744,0.0,0.0,0.4111967418809436,0.0,0.14381506928713056,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Malefict,2019/04/09,"Worthlessness,depression,suicidal thoughts. How do i move on? Here is some background in regards to my life :
Junior High school = Tried to be as social as possible, imitated style of popular guys, totally ignored school, had relationships and sex all the time, was very immature, started working as a pr on clubs for a couple of years with success. Had sex on first grade.
High school = was well-known among st people around me, still ignored school, became intrigued by history & philosophy & theology thus started reading on books related to plethora schools of thought, started working and working out every day for an entire year and felt the sense of achievement, wanted to become a personal body trainer-nutritionist.
After high school = jobless for 6 years, went to the army because it’s mandatory for 9 months on my country, stopped everything related to well-being, became depressed, couldn’t handle the people on the environment because I thought everyone was mindless and not a good person inside. After the army, I engaged on gaming for countless hours, I went to study programming but this specific school had no future. I completely ignored it. Switched to major psychology on a university. All went well in the beginning but then I ignored it once again since I was living with myself and had no control of myself and I didn’t discipline myself. I lost 1 year because of that. Then I passed the module. My relationship was toxic as hell, I lost the confidence with myself and gradually I became anti-social. I feel very awkward in social situations with people I do not know and I was the entire opposite a few years back. I keep many things for myself since I was betrayed by people around me. I feel very lonely nowadays. I lost my best friends but unfortunately it was not my fault. I wish none of that happened. My ex best friend A has a demeanor of a child. He has been very supportive throughout our friendship but he lost his father. I was there for him but since then he has been raging on me over meaningless matters. He always tries to belittle me. He knows I would do nothing to retaliate from his actions, he understands that he is on the wrong but he still does it. My ex best friend D is a sociopath with feelings of grandeur. He belittles everyone, mocking the girls around him, mocking his friends. He wants others close to him to do his bidding. He is a racist thinking that a white privilege exists and should be enforced on the world. He thinks so high of himself that he doesn’t take the time to criticize his actions and words or even see how others are feeling and why they act the way they do. He thinks he is God Almighty. Another ex best friend of mine called G is literally a psychopath. He had me as a friend over the years just to exploit being with a “good” person and feel like normal only to toss me on the garbage once he left where we lived to exploit his family which is rich. My ex girlfriend  of 2 years was an angel. On our first month. Later on she started being Over jealous of everyone, even my friends. Luckily, she doesn’t have feelings of grandeur but she has so many problems that one can’t even handle them. She is afraid of death, afraid of talking anything in regards to science, afraid of people around her, afraid of the entire world. She things everyone is a bad person. She is very depressed. I have been there for her through our entire time together. It is not her fault but since then, she fed me only with sorrow. She started fighting with me everyday, throwing tantrums for unimportant things 2,3 times a day. And still, I was by her side the entire time. But then I couldn’t take it anymore and I told her that it’s over. A few months later, she started messaging me. Being the sensitive and protective idiot that I think I am, I returned by her side but not as her boyfriend. Only as a close friend. We meet from time to time, and talk with each other almost everyday. She still is depressed, talking about how bad the world is. My father doesn’t love me, he never said “good job” in my entire life. He is unemotional. My mother does, but unfortunately I can’t talk with her over complicated matters. I have a brother, around 12, which plays games every day through his day, and has sociopathic traits. We cannot communicate. I do not believe in Jesus or a deity to guide me in life. I see all the injustice on our society, and why a person wants to overcome the fear of death by believing. But i do believe in Buddhist teachings. Which i stopped following because of how i feel. Lately, I am surrounded by feelings of worthlessness, depression, and suicidal ideation. I truly have no one around me. I have been spending my time on things like anime, series and gaming just so I can get my mind off of real life. I fell so bad about who i am and what i have achieved, which is nothing. I feel like I will fail university again. I daydream a lot. Being away from the capitalistic society which markets the way of life i despise, living peacefully on nature, providing on a community living outside the norms, peacefully, or even to become a Buddhist monk. But I don’t know where to start, where to continue the path of my life, how to act.  I truly feel, on the western society everyone is faking their friendship and attitude. I am 24 and i feel i lost a portion of my life. I feel like i am frozen. I fell it's too late. I feel like i don't have a sense of purpose, a sense of belonging.",4.713921822697333,6.578113438289607,5.269789439585357,79.90750458913726,70.59378036929058,8.191296836194795,30.97386891264442,8.806472892717455,2.657067033797646,4324,188,776,80,81,1387,384,1029,0.174,0.6920000000000001,0.134,-0.9929,2,2,0,0,2,1,135.0,7,0,4,19,38,69,9,6,58,0,82,12,1,7,5,133,140,60,3,10,24,8,14,5,9,3,7,1,0,8,32,46,1,10,25,7,2,13,22,40,1,4,36,18,131,29,134,93,16,132,5,13,3,3,103,58,1,6,64,539,163,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388871048943131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323133840356908,0.08415424849552118,0.0,0.0,0.04072132031288698,0.0,0.0,0.03851335199254423,0.0,0.0,0.03195745399561952,0.20742543179950748,0.0,0.0,0.03648625617794057,0.02986130480532772,0.09727546303086064,0.09469251236258752,0.0857792262463949,0.0,0.13125942327697954,0.16301749136225774,0.0,0.0,0.04313633359739555,0.0,0.0,0.039654328499204125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071719541712218,0.0,0.043556152221438035,0.0,0.04296959447435171,0.0,0.1001800633128363,0.0,0.13379226371144032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796860024077979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259918576172627,0.0,0.06543941969612674,0.18553996722582697,0.03490191112793524,0.0,0.03660967537424119,0.043699567303267586,0.2552663262523637,0.11097339201128008,0.037287174370557716,0.0,0.0,0.06606514848343335,0.0,0.0,0.240027277174286,0.0,0.02028940399355762,0.0,0.0,0.09771751479104414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845222374388819,0.03434118722478482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412296854508526,0.0,0.0,0.03824412327737866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853721209949049,0.03451785489607176,0.0,0.0,0.06402721548168172,0.0,0.08761393115710057,0.0,0.04219375748921228,0.0,0.1920095069615813,0.0948627846629672,0.0,0.13716616862493686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119620181601455,0.03301567156164797,0.035049618899670135,0.0,0.0,0.07874409999243517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039211736993942384,0.0,0.09299189317743073,0.04127488814379678,0.0,0.0,0.02995153180057172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03804952823289575,0.07452542890676593,0.0,0.0,0.08271487098115562,0.05263047411021165,0.08860607678264994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461463404544138,0.16954377512566496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043780021851737336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03715933621629762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884497198377111,0.0442021206425752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338735936754982,0.0,0.0,0.03694046715060752,0.0,0.0,0.2751178475748243,0.061892077915907014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849707581773787,0.043651563317314464,0.0,0.07917368862500468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241062867988548,0.0,0.1240530087113934,0.0649346996303586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495719848787216,0.0440688882064274,0.0,0.0,0.05839736607415471,0.12485468078687625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319956604460008,0.0995342228496291,0.0,0.09249067689820012,0.18115750058137145,0.0,0.0,0.0371079934451654,0.0,0.052732102196351965,0.0,0.0,0.040428045373387116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021249452955358,0.06871671702410886,0.06164997799260945,0.0,0.0,0.10475053773783974,0.1079998083182946,0.07008412477343785,0.0,0.04465771571141552,0.0,0.0,0.08481585436196784,0.0,0.0,0.027586888176849983,0.042459388764786915,0.0,0.17505684575719846
suicidewatch,SlithereenRadrals,2019/04/09,"What would you do before you die? Let's say, my background is a bit rough, I came from a lower class family background, My mom was diagnosed with cancer back in 2003, my dad went almost bankrupt because of all the chemotherapy and radiotherapy trying to save mom, and I thought that was the end of it, I thought life was going to be good, but I never knew he was paying a huge amount of debts for all the Therapy, then the financial loss due to global recession in 2008 came. He was bankrupt for good, To make ends meet he sold drugs back when I was 18 during 2011 (i was still in school and everybody talked behind my back),  I was playing life in hard mode from that moment, but we came through , I was ostracized and stigmatized as a son of a drug dealer from then onwards,I rarely go out from that point onwards, no more contacts with friends whatsoever, and I am still stigmatized till today for the hard decision my father had to make, when in fact I don't even smoke pot or do drugs or drink alcohol, but yeah life was a bit harsh  then 2013 came, my mom was diagnosed again with cancer, somehow we pull it off till 2015(with no drugs dealing whatsoever) , I got my first job at my birthday at 2014, I was 21 then, but things spiral out of control, my dad was depressed by June 2015, drank alcohol a lot and died that year, and then mom also passed away that very year. 2015 was tough for me, I lost my best friend and my parents, but somehow I make it till today and I don't even know how I did it, but things hit me lately, By now, I think most human who have to endure these shit will be a bitter cynic, trying to be an optimist and TRYING TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU ARE NOT, IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE, I realized, how frail humanity is, How our mortal coils bind us to this very reality of life, of the nature of human suffering, and how pointless it is to have a gf who gives emotional reassurance. I AM GOING TO DIE, I DID HAVE A college degree in econ and maths, but I realised, I'm not even living a life I wanted to live so what's the point? I am going to die anyway, so what should I do before I die?",7.907104643962848,5.538108042352941,8.0710959752322,77.03740557275545,63.870588235294115,11.300309597523219,33.427244582043336,9.682069395223575,2.7907882352941176,1638,47,344,25,19,538,210,425,0.187,0.7170000000000001,0.096,-0.9927,5,0,8,0,1,0,51.0,4,3,0,5,23,17,3,0,19,1,42,18,1,8,4,62,68,40,6,3,11,9,3,0,3,3,15,2,0,3,19,23,4,1,7,2,4,11,7,8,0,1,31,6,45,9,53,28,9,57,0,4,0,0,35,16,1,7,30,239,64,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859409840691332,0.0696154667971029,0.0,0.0,0.055596100335818834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531748152528231,0.16037259745948346,0.0,0.04237949487515075,0.0,0.11831488786420152,0.0,0.07295823890798235,0.0,0.1517983486922268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180550533529249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797396790071942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167333265539258,0.05987853118293656,0.1411251645509482,0.3607602896345622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114435275858444,0.0,0.06810433572348099,0.3224902084481962,0.0,0.0,0.07820202338487169,0.12315034474726436,0.0,0.0,0.13775434483777502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553842584565645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591347204065931,0.0,0.0,0.10742385547817647,0.0,0.0,0.06669109604664344,0.15804206231455276,0.11662221405475336,0.05560247633812228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400663917797479,0.12455472855842492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689890907707384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820704837408973,0.0,0.07842297249959022,0.0,0.0,0.07109016509764299,0.2455244940622765,0.0,0.0,0.12277703474644044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589063201067685,0.05910446132800385,0.0,0.0,0.1392178771450463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256896846003809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361905632347544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719509560817349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144006204592285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613060734096113,0.0552860703081442,0.0,0.07035919356516734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136254075261261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103948381474477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055878529067695935,0.0,0.0,0.079503582225898,0.0,0.09237362852002802,0.04454639529476208,0.0,0.11038417772245178,0.0,0.0,0.1317959891090718,0.0,0.0,0.14160104948292607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362547649088227,0.0,0.0,0.11472458671032858,0.04100542108066391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444687418883703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938588519588514,0.0,0.0,0.08953878204639945
suicidewatch,catrina88,2019/04/09,Lonely I’m so lonely that death feels more warm than life.,3.017500000000002,4.763005750000001,2.8566666666666656,95.955,74.83333333333334,4.800000000000002,12.0,3.1291,-1.5936,47,0,10,0,1,14,11,12,0.507,0.375,0.118,-0.8055,0,4,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5820831936354524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.813129236768149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ni4mhthrow0ut,2019/04/09,"i’ve thought about suicide since i was five but for the first time in my life i think i’m going to do it. to shorten a long and boring story, i’m 16, anorexic, diagnosed with ocd, depression, and bdd, attempting to recover, and my life has become miserable and i hate myself more than ever before. 

i’ve always had a distorted view of myself, since i was a little girl. it’s sad to think of myself in nursery comparing my body to my friends’ and thinking my thighs were too big for the rest of my body, but to be honest it’s just how things are — it got a lot lot worse in secondary school, when i was bullied for my weight and more. this, as i remember it, was my first depressive episode. i began to cut and contemplate killing myself every day, lost interest in everything, became painfully shy and scared of the world. i turned into a cruel and angry person as a defence mechanism at just 13.

now i’m 16, and i started losing weight one year ago. i was tired of hating myself. tired of my low self esteem and fat, revolting body. i hated every single inch of it; i can’t specify a weight, but i’ve dropped to a size 0, people have commented on my weight, and probably the biggest indicator of weight loss, i’m in an eating disorder service — and my body still makes me sick. all i see is the ugly and lonely fat girl in the mirror; all i can focus on is my legs and my bloated stomach from the increased intake. i’ve been forced into recovery by my parents, the only reason i’d ever want to recover is so they could stop worrying about me. i wish i could put into words how much i despise my body but i can’t even understand it myself, i just hate it no matter what. i have no motivation to do anything other than look at old photos before i went into recovery, cry, and compare them to now. i hate myself. 

i don’t want to talk about my ocd or depression because they’re more of a background noise right now. they just drown  everything out. my depression makes me unmotivated and numb, my ocd makes me neurotic and anxious. my life revolves around nothing but my body, numbers, mirror checks, and vomiting. i’m a disgusting human being. 

i’m so ungrateful for everything i have and all i’ve been given. i have a loving family, the best friends i could ever ask for,  an amazing boyfriend who loves me, a great social life, straight A* grades, and i still hate my life. i hate myself for not being able to see how perfect my life is and i hate myself for being fucked up and not being able to live life to the fullest because of my stupid fucking head. 

i’ve been beating myself all day and have fresh bruises up my legs and across my arms. i have pale skin and i think they look kind of pretty against them. they’re the only thing that’ll ever be pretty on me. i don’t care how many people tell me i’m gorgeous or unreal or how small i am. i’m literally going to kill myself if i carry on like this. i wish i could shrink into nothingness for the longest amount of time and just not have to FEEL anything. i’m sick of emotions. i don’t want to recover because i don’t want to gain weight because if i gain weight i’ll be fat, whether it’s one kilogram or ten. i literally just want wine and a hug for fuck’s sake can someone just make me feel less lonely before i hurt myself again i’m just scared and don’t feel safe in my own body :(",4.4717146315223255,5.018678315088756,5.6231199569661126,82.11191500806886,69.84319526627219,8.51231845077999,28.38138784292631,8.575989854853784,1.9827644970414204,2615,88,526,40,44,872,285,676,0.28300000000000003,0.5870000000000001,0.13,-0.9993,1,4,1,0,0,5,71.0,0,0,5,12,32,53,19,3,28,0,47,47,17,11,9,108,105,51,4,13,23,1,11,1,2,1,18,0,0,5,17,37,12,3,12,1,1,5,13,37,0,6,16,16,92,16,75,77,17,62,0,13,5,6,21,32,3,8,25,354,109,4,0.0969156956808611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042954958331309336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040320811280492856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474357508167663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975335979290665,0.043137758238325004,0.04530154640217977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181578170961754,0.05351788580000467,0.12370217826920625,0.0,0.05085352169689932,0.0,0.0,0.3767802143762844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494060054195821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475859379847254,0.0,0.053228670447475035,0.06250260607869425,0.0,0.1669466933559313,0.049183695528353326,0.0,0.0,0.05553689181618758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049584475855735964,0.0,0.05450855657247634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03200595148175693,0.17533159054325848,0.08165565355080537,0.0,0.1306523671767384,0.0,0.045681746305941455,0.0,0.07350523159061424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243644123673438,0.0,0.0,0.07487682607325559,0.13439549846736218,0.0,0.0,0.05507942327851677,0.0,0.038756167626637535,0.05342494831530552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827367398655999,0.04973173197372217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187512834222836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722285801594952,0.05046139163127728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395904769895726,0.02367405675439504,0.04856749386951207,0.04278916743202772,0.04288367045923756,0.08138477553024599,0.05421193669600513,0.05289746517064176,0.08239425872979345,0.08747019919336549,0.0,0.12938395885937035,0.04912865195023145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562209379414991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649661191827654,0.0,0.05084835982113649,0.0,0.06567258359126986,0.07370875375380062,0.0515625666345217,0.0,0.05380670542713667,0.0,0.0,0.06718914056099808,0.04231152362794064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859810432896338,0.05224575585985767,0.0,0.0,0.04871352122701453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049822738223123685,0.0,0.0,0.05489329531032186,0.04138273728654537,0.0,0.0,0.09702951845635127,0.049041929055542284,0.07722926174022726,0.0,0.0505521035614918,0.0,0.0,0.08016966496637355,0.0,0.0,0.04939667343264487,0.04105817722353691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034298714112630815,0.0,0.0773969997618434,0.04051293059339282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530050205104684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03894858254348561,0.042354294878637434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438648180761675,0.12419932901603994,0.0,0.03847011839117273,0.0565123215268894,0.11139033531037626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270822342909234,0.0,0.050446328559679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429084707791573,0.0,0.0,0.4130602283460051,0.0,0.0449209104264822,0.0,0.0,0.11144826709756224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049211296681866974,0.04938268681915809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031205265256288486
suicidewatch,bencherra,2019/04/09,"I wish I could die in a terrible accident so that I don't have to end my life by committing a suicide I just have to write something. Anything. It's all that's left to do. I don't know where my thoughts are going and it's going to be so inconsistent but I just have to somehow let it out or I'll explode.

I hate everything. I'm 22 and my life has been a trainwreck even since I was a teenager. I'm falling and there's nothing to hold on to. I feel like I'm moving at the speed of light and I'm just about to hit the wall and crash into a million pieces.

I'm so alone, so scared, so anxious about everything. It's my last year of the university and I only need to write my bachelor thesis which I haven't started and the deadline is May 23. I'm working 40 per week in a new job for two months and I'm feeling like an alien there. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm feeling worthless, helpless and stupid. I'm so exhausted that I just come back home from work and just lay in bed for hours.

Every person I see is a stranger. They're speaking the same language but they don't understand me and I don't understand them. Sometimes 'hello' and 'goodbye' are the only words I say out loud throughout the day. I feel like I want to shout on top of my lungs but I can't make a sound. 

I don't know what love is. I haven't touched another person ever in my life. I am gay and nobody knows. Nobody will ever know. I've simply distanced myself from everyone. I've isolated myself because I've been feeling insecure and scared of communication my whole life. The moment someone tries to connect with me they just see how shitty my personality is and leave. And I don't blame them.

I look like a piece of trash. My hair is a mess. My body is a mess. I don't work out. I barely eat. I'm just too tired and it's just too hard.

All I have is my parents. And they tell me that I should grow up, that they're doing everything they can but I still don't appreciate it, that I'm an egoist and only care about myself, that I'm enjoying being depressed, that they've had enough of me telling them that they shouldn't have made me born.

My mom is the only reason I'm not killing myself yet. It will be just too painful for her. But I'm getting weaker day by day. I just don't know how much and for how long I can survive. It's all just pain. I'm weak and this life is too heavy for my thin shoulders. This life is a game I'm about to lose.",0.8847976878612727,2.7269702524084782,2.781899421965317,93.60565838150292,81.54335260115606,5.693425818882468,21.74801541425819,6.742157984588678,0.3398808940269751,1887,59,435,20,50,630,221,519,0.206,0.7170000000000001,0.077,-0.9974,2,1,1,0,0,3,48.0,0,0,8,6,38,24,3,3,23,0,51,18,4,6,6,84,99,36,3,6,18,2,9,4,0,5,11,5,2,3,22,27,1,1,15,1,0,6,15,17,0,2,6,18,63,7,44,82,9,43,0,4,3,2,23,17,0,3,24,276,85,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843158505534833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536512134492896,0.0,0.09196973763936422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699320938637897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259899945871841,0.0,0.0496265699772161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042777404129664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830025687848958,0.0,0.0,0.07012720914662603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499898503087742,0.0,0.0,0.1575074775694934,0.0,0.07011801642839538,0.0,0.08449036880356005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330240085039324,0.0,0.0,0.07210479052809454,0.08411793562872043,0.0,0.05377030923325025,0.14727938719838213,0.06859114537764296,0.07779041393976828,0.21949724535306134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058158378836631,0.174477221065877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253318459760765,0.0,0.09253396587078602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292706025647085,0.08037517986783523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166052154838327,0.0,0.08017211129744914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078652071915203,0.0,0.09006772124360549,0.0,0.26844370354278324,0.06635973430163754,0.0,0.08620106985604238,0.0884518281919566,0.08324688775322446,0.3450122807248434,0.15909058078962754,0.0,0.0,0.07204498272655084,0.0683636065254037,0.0910765799897903,0.0,0.0,0.07347539194393411,0.07703178381868883,0.05434157676624533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534600383566247,0.06498040980491686,0.0865255794218079,0.05984546342698328,0.06036422753055165,0.0,0.07862595194623978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811475945557224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476628438806713,0.1732512251278404,0.0,0.09039578752372476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132513114850963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370268394087993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474022507807553,0.16301053306055227,0.0,0.12974590953793722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673429077530324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689781363669674,0.0626731296165737,0.08051623028248994,0.0,0.05762217271341576,0.0,0.06501385552140544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904894908021041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231125322293253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463017240128474,0.0,0.0935684224018198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055271811770555575,0.0,0.07952540349934265,0.1695006435213894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801752367978269,0.0,0.06530191456303269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089097232952888,0.09361708538428418,0.0,0.0,0.1778015949372811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052425148600647835
suicidewatch,alwaysneedinghelp80,2019/04/09,How do people stay positive? My boyfriend is about to leave me. I hage no where that wants me and my only choice is living in my car or with my abusive mother. I have no idea what to do with my dog. She's my ESA but my mother wont let her come with me. I'm in a lot of debt.... I have no friends... I dont have an escape and I dont enjoy my hobbies anymore. I stopped taking my medication for my autoimmune disease and I just hope everyday that it might actually kill me. I hate being afraid of death. But I'm so sick of suffering. I dont feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm a firm believer that some people who are born into this world just dont belong... I'm one of those people. It's just not the right time for me.,-0.2809130277878005,1.5305573865030695,2.4107614579574173,94.85631540959946,85.56441717791411,5.553085528690004,18.17719234933237,6.794906146795322,-0.09534399133886673,566,14,138,7,17,197,95,163,0.267,0.6990000000000001,0.035,-0.9913,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,1,7,0,17,2,0,1,0,24,27,8,2,2,7,2,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,2,0,1,2,9,4,0,1,0,2,26,4,17,23,2,15,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,5,6,96,35,0,0.0,0.16897942998151946,0.13917494189118518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143908582683834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068204812059325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285308485477064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6685906012869584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263175314828517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211212567467161,0.10188658156927882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018658757490243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080609955366644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165220676847962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099876364125046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577860795441174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101224586670858,0.0,0.14583693104995754,0.0,0.0696761244999695,0.0,0.1259346206767252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124902565070515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436729888183137,0.0,0.15129553725049324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664188858739818,0.10846768588433764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966208308534793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179529622828883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201219084313886,0.0,0.1192353311123924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723125416118867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316190991978704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412000110847302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notyettoolate,2019/04/09,"Friend will kill herself in one Month. I dont know what to do, a close friend of mine just admitted that she will kill herself next month. She is very serious about it and has thought about it for some time. I talked with her about it a long time and she says that she just doesnt want to suffer anymore (emotionally because of her ex and her dad who died and her general situation).

​

What can i do :(?

it almost seems like i already lost her..",3.5245714285714267,5.025377044444447,3.846507936507937,90.385,73.0,7.365079365079365,26.190476190476193,7.957251820313856,1.2813809523809527,354,12,77,5,7,110,57,90,0.17600000000000002,0.6990000000000001,0.125,-0.7386,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,16,15,4,3,1,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,16,3,10,11,1,8,0,2,0,0,19,2,0,3,7,54,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772275085790412,0.0,0.19585598229244425,0.0,0.0,0.19230185147044548,0.2156602566913108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601461665701632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819148036645332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419846630064352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080077753932953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964354701693868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742445606087349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927154384859775,0.0,0.09753955624537768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867088207783195,0.0,0.0,0.15706613085973245,0.0,0.0,0.193742748642227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833291414192206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875429581584705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202665081811015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114094110614772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157309712116347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199497389509591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426534412065102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090101394564172,0.20698255520284345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644137344234728,0.10468357923652624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156602566913108,0.0
suicidewatch,weird_apathetic,2019/04/09,"Never been happy I think I am absolutely losing my mind. Failing at everything I do, narcissistic toxic parent, no income source. I just don’t even care anymore.",3.1463793103448303,6.273391137931036,5.547844827586207,68.20038793103453,85.89655172413794,7.037931034482759,24.49137931034483,8.07648339933343,2.5454758620689657,129,5,18,3,4,45,25,29,0.339,0.5660000000000001,0.095,-0.8015,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322481150284324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415734677180804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212764165488937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010928310106903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566331923123187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747997647595319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382729632505135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25838675337531186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719981569679346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466618855333075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sheepinwolfclothing2,2019/04/09,Does anyone care? I posted before and got no response. Just makes me want to quit more. Does anyone give a shit I want to off myself? I feel selfish asking but damn. Tonight is the night.,-0.3290347490347472,1.6442618108108142,0.8227799227799224,98.57810810810813,106.56756756756758,2.1142857142857143,13.393822393822393,3.1291,-1.5025799227799224,145,3,29,0,7,45,31,37,0.245,0.6459999999999999,0.109,-0.755,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,9,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,1,3,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576129550354897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906516138016776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760023339647055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607251980743315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475673632768922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930051656140426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24531144519821566,0.0,0.0,0.2045239115213321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069614318525808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23997738374618974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24491058971905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271991382222328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26249453139585993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016624317952056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kona_worldwaker,2019/04/09,"My partner of seven years left me just before we were supposed to marry. Said she wants to focus on herself and has no energy or motivation to be romantic anymore. Title... Feel like shit, want to die. Thought this relationship was my future, put a lot into it, and now its all over and I have no one. Seriously no one. No friends even to hang out with. Just loneliness and longing to not exist anymore.",2.0547907647907664,4.718516701298704,3.990822510822512,81.68877344877345,83.28571428571428,6.53910533910534,25.43867243867244,7.793537801064563,1.8323720057720063,314,13,57,6,9,106,62,77,0.228,0.625,0.147,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,0,5,1,1,1,1,19,10,5,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,4,2,7,2,12,5,2,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,5,47,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567884855033923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195967073058676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390134980024814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210999644698847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164458483339303,0.16452530436009627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792806057424335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502200092181779,0.0,0.0,0.11251222107392747,0.0,0.0,0.20380693774739092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579156098178813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31211246640883344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151361536572335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24725441713697166,0.0,0.0,0.21906662456672746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363981150600629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283129545865598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716720606772463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830469233095311
suicidewatch,Trayansh,2019/04/09,"Want to die but can't Living so that you don't hurt your loved ones is the hardest thing to do, idk how long I can do it..",0.9244827586206908,1.0147678275862084,2.678793103448278,101.68301724137932,77.6206896551724,5.8000000000000025,17.948275862068964,3.1291,-1.0478413793103445,93,1,27,0,2,31,25,29,0.243,0.616,0.141,-0.5354,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,3,8,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,8,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291301944238433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426422281384193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651131672841087,0.36591954660049375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731846561538501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801868608080399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746998097170685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438830551250761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NessunoNienteNulla,2019/04/09,"Is there somebody? I'm feeling terribly and i keep losing friends, I can't take this anymore. I can't commit suicide, I'm too much of a coward to do it, but I want for this feeling of sadness and loneliness to go away. So, any advice?",2.1892857142857167,3.6233544081632685,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,76.34693877551021,6.53265306122449,30.617346938775512,7.1686216300943375,1.8760571428571429,182,9,37,2,4,63,36,49,0.29,0.545,0.165,-0.8252,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,12,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,2,4,1,6,12,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102910418089589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593435109861234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149089034005537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983341186301117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321109971622635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24532636972175234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046217592164546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822392565353881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552398872303891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334243960569787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34733120888800123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387464289716049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872900771965824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway528592,2019/04/09,"Fuckfuckfuck 
I nearly did it this weekend. I was so fucking close. How I could I? How I could I continue putting me in this situation. It could've been a peaceful end, without hurting any one. But I failed. Not only on every instance in live, but even at ending it. It is immoral for me to continue living this live. And before you write something like ""glad you are still here"". how can you? how can be glad that somebody like me is still here? without every betterment in sight? suffering every second? how can somebody deny me the relief of death?",1.5107051282051316,4.242722250000004,2.885153846153848,86.72651282051285,90.92307692307692,5.081025641025642,24.24102564102564,6.742157984588678,1.2557917948717945,430,18,76,6,15,139,66,104,0.149,0.6659999999999999,0.185,0.5557,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,2,11,10,1,0,2,0,12,1,0,5,0,15,13,9,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,2,3,1,14,6,11,7,0,15,0,3,1,1,4,7,1,0,9,64,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110586821980532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837719888939093,0.0,0.0,0.14382371378488215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895152638411982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880651802324093,0.0,0.0,0.10740863198537012,0.0,0.4110417735946288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033908764957066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408751533227002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889532613851218,0.0,0.4307879370766416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101951673972848,0.12367944147129675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347749190228733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279110755612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519241957781574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597362515196589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31351874876849894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PowerglideKtre,2019/04/09,"I'm at school and I realized nobody would care if I killed myself I am honestly thinking about it. Mostly everyone thinks it is just a joke,haha. I'm really hurting. This is just aa throwaway account,and I really need help. I am gonna go home and overdosem on Metformin and asprin. That way I have no way of surviving. I hope you all have a good life without my dumbass living on this earth and existing.",2.239907407407408,4.50603649382716,4.38344135802469,81.66923611111113,79.12345679012346,8.000617283950618,26.174382716049386,8.841846274778883,2.3883938271604936,320,13,60,8,8,110,58,81,0.112,0.657,0.232,0.8559,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,16,16,5,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,10,4,6,14,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411080791674832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259676725339373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439756802391034,0.19834899288174485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850818941513542,0.0,0.2372096645029187,0.2348789323294601,0.0,0.0,0.2531577375045987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616311227706217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703348163905848,0.0,0.0,0.2088170027326872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534762072289867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029914914717535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393313366023147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030548756030249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754151261060276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279591875155949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798927495199673,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDontWannaBACreep,2019/04/09,"Today feels so bad. I just want to end it all. It seems everything in my life is falling apart.

Marriage:  separating in May due to my wife's lack of self-care

Finances:  I'm barely making it week-to-week.  0$ in savings. Mom's been sending me money every month.  Just a piece of shit in general really.

Health:  I can't fucking breathe right now.  I've tried 6 times to make an appointment with the VA hospital.  They keep transferring me in a circle and no one is listening to me.  
Mental Health:  Couples counseling failed, I've tried 10 medications now over 2 years and NOTHING works, and my therapist is so awesome and sweet and she really cares about me I think but it's not helping.  

I mean...I'm supposed to look around and be grateful for what I have and who I have around me...but frankly fuck them.  They're not me and they don't know how this feels.",1.0131829573934823,3.5005277953216414,2.490977443609026,91.70684210526319,86.83625730994152,6.064160401002509,22.177944862155385,7.447530270364453,0.987538345864662,667,24,140,12,21,216,115,171,0.114,0.8079999999999999,0.077,-0.6306,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,2,10,8,3,0,4,0,10,8,2,3,1,31,25,12,0,2,5,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,11,0,1,5,0,2,2,5,5,0,1,1,5,18,3,18,22,3,20,0,1,1,2,11,10,3,2,8,80,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728605914937721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796232434066565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562546642740786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695748037663765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573929098168355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912475541490046,0.0,0.1377365740354808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498163549199528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833653293038986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32580783589766205,0.0,0.0,0.10272423888603692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362209381317634,0.0,0.0,0.08422546713036354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824921622768033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869640714223318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045990854991198,0.0,0.0,0.16694066798104515,0.0,0.1543892554460246,0.15444596058393564,0.0,0.0,0.17949152703726354,0.12232744440443136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470532260900577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038502041798144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635938348185455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087975169287094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951846927101932,0.15987938922134715,0.0,0.15731503966620142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794198071413125,0.0,0.09820023038522804,0.0,0.0,0.08936478220148708,0.0,0.14526872947542033,0.0,0.0,0.20810147248358007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039433540064602,0.0,0.24586537226202174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115721634925922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869181296475213
suicidewatch,Tom_H_Milburn,2019/04/09,"I'm thinking about living life on so that I can commit suicide secretly using the best methods possible. I'm not in the UK, but if I'm not mistaken, according to some Wikipedia contributors, ""in the UK, refusal to adhere to norms regarding food and drink consumption can lead to being detained, treated and even force fed under section 3 of the Mental Health Act 1983"". I think this is an example of where laws are being used to prevent suicide. Additionally, a lot of countries forbid assisted suicide, voluntary euthanasia, and helping suicide in any way. (But please correct me if I'm wrong on this.)  


What I mean to say by this is that, to me, it appears as though everyone is trying to prevent suicide, no matter the reason, so long as it's not serious physical pain and/or upcoming and unavoidable death. Existentialist philosophy is absolutely ignored by laws and people who are for suicide prevention. Thus, of course, with such laws being in place, there is no reason to blame someone you know for trying to help you. But at the same time, I view their help as a detriment to my plans and my chance of success.  


So I wonder whether it is a good idea to live my life hiding my suicidal thoughts as best as I can, in order to get as close as possible to effective suicidal means, and then fulfill the task when I see fit. I might need to live for longer than I would like, but I hope that the end justifies the means, in that I will be able to successfully commit suicide on my first attempt. Do you think this plan might work?",9.454346553100876,7.5473780865051925,9.248858131487893,68.34827788128828,60.52249134948097,12.629331913760982,41.26191109928134,11.362043627235082,4.662780463135482,1213,55,217,27,13,396,165,289,0.218,0.596,0.18600000000000005,-0.9761,0,1,2,0,0,9,37.0,0,3,1,11,10,13,0,0,13,0,20,7,0,7,3,60,41,27,10,5,10,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,13,10,3,6,14,1,0,3,5,5,0,1,2,3,22,8,47,31,6,27,0,0,2,0,11,16,0,9,7,151,35,4,0.07581426555584249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155630035991551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912478866474838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426911745238346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714893641626579,0.0,0.0,0.05007460737826632,0.0,0.0,0.07244377968758152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448757555206411,0.0916749108464268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960982463451207,0.0,0.0,0.06358940896477458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058701905097397,0.0,0.0,0.15245011231785288,0.0,0.0,0.07530067215421835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558507766842617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166553763515849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709971571258547,0.037039020624112066,0.0,0.20083615640262814,0.06709323928111513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644545774317848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477518827115603,0.0,0.0,0.07640294797472619,0.160853909851418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056215317270586485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067172385457964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256006583014477,0.0,0.07920977126198175,0.08322129698365573,0.0,0.170938386222981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589938367900746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029054693181023,0.0,0.0,0.060414153941955526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423718117887453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7463565122837782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457361603669372,0.07448713097856413,0.06018805831569831,0.04420790792778509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294581946664803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095836705618374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601778351346389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221733697526433,0.05519368826819816,0.0,0.0,0.0538562790333262,0.08289099786251962,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MariaRose1996,2019/04/09,"What do I do?! I’m slowly being eaten away by this feeling...(f22) ... I feel like a burden, I thought I was getting better, I thought I could manage. I’m on antidepressants and after a traumatic month of falling out with my sister I thought I was slowly getting things back on track. 
Saturday night I was at a house party and my sister called me up (she was drunk) and she had a massive go at me. I already felt down but now I feel suicidal.. again. 
I don’t want to bring it up with my parents (whom I’m staying with for a couple of weeks) but I don’t know what to do... I gave up alcohol, although I still smoke (at the moment it’s my only pleasure). 
I have been trying to keep social, trying to get on with life. But now, I just feel like I am a burden on my family, particularly emotionally. I feel like i am going to do something stupid...
Im fighting, I honestly am... but I don’t know how much fight I have left. I want this to all be over as selfish as this sounds...

It’s so strange how everything goes down hill suddenly. A year or two ago I was happy. I thought depression was an over exaggeration in society (almost like a trend), discouraging the seriousness of those who actually had it. I got diagnosed with dyslexia- now I know that isn’t bad, a lot of people have it. I was 21 when I found out and in my third year of university. It hit me like a tonne of bricks and my self confidence was knocked. After that, it all went down hill... and now here I am. I’m doing a masters degree in a uni far away, my parents are supporting me. I should be happy? Why am I not? 
The whole thing with my sister- well she came to visit me at uni, she got drunk and said all the things that I think when I’m depressed. “You’re fat”, “You’re dumb”,  “You’re selfish” and “You’re a bitch”. That hit home... all those thought I had internally were now being said to me by someone who I loved. She did apologise but I just can’t forgive- everyone (besides my bf m23) wants me to and I want to for the sake of the family. But at the moment, I just want to end me life.

This was a rant I guess...it’s ok if no one comments- I just wanted a release..",0.13859958326098365,2.3343175981941293,2.622341986455986,91.43538483243624,87.46501128668172,5.755322104532037,20.708847022052442,7.1686216300943375,0.5792122243445053,1628,54,364,26,52,559,200,443,0.145,0.716,0.139,-0.7738,2,0,3,0,4,0,87.0,0,0,0,2,19,29,5,0,23,1,40,9,1,2,4,65,85,25,1,9,13,5,5,5,1,1,5,3,1,1,25,18,5,2,16,2,0,7,7,14,1,3,30,8,64,15,56,47,7,57,0,3,0,1,26,26,2,4,28,257,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.08621779836728305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831780086774118,0.09442031377236408,0.08847073051840983,0.0,0.09749748834164326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601728242393826,0.06793643953542534,0.07376936647119206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781392499622054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021621486290272,0.10104996852644854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054105743856608,0.09775866379247136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219311569262478,0.08967437106140884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993829454170275,0.07825273222069311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442313453492012,0.07940415164278818,0.0,0.16657885606056602,0.0,0.17869161292313915,0.18935384401898986,0.08483078296767198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687227433027704,0.0,0.0,0.1384792000822635,0.0,0.10042378043916532,0.0,0.14132467759222125,0.0,0.09732855019903043,0.0,0.0,0.18810249309598184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862322293603986,0.0,0.0,0.10194515292802928,0.0,0.0,0.09543420474865348,0.0,0.0,0.07853039836427966,0.0,0.0,0.14566614156849744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599358343935606,0.0,0.12480980074822423,0.21581909686906653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511283212142755,0.07974019657347017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052089841483984,0.0,0.0649481260520453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291139685106619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986890133265766,0.06719489114824576,0.0,0.0,0.1962065849762517,0.0,0.0,0.061251435635725375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680840023132453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216932652192993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900626838836186,0.07485948706977535,0.06801689032586024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417037464782868,0.07055719584635779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664161723336176,0.1002596295957978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608936860874128,0.056611731774719135,0.0,0.35070399187446444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996901326961355,0.0,0.0863060562162219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126701342500208,0.0,0.07086981594944823,0.0,0.07943812926375504,0.08190223094721445,0.07972300500771122,0.09864069872319768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379025124490437
suicidewatch,reinierdash,2019/04/09,"I wanna die because off my familys fighting and money problems  **Hello, my name is Reinier Groenewald. I currently live in South Africa. It’s a very bad country to live in. Racism is rampant and I’m afraid of going outside. My mom and dad were bikers and often went to parties when I was younger. When I was in high school, my grandma mostly took care of me. My dad divorced my mum, and since then things have been going all but downhill for me. My mum and grandmother, whom I currently have to live with, often very loudly fight and shout at each other about what my mum and dad did, specifically taking out a mortgage on the house to buy a car. But when my dad left, he didn’t want to pay that mortgage back, which just made my grandma angrier. In high school, I was often bullied by other kids. Four years ago, I tried to commit suicide with a knife, but I found myself unable to go through with it. I’m now 23 years old and can’t even take care of myself or help my family out with money. Sometimes I just don’t care anymore. I’m tired of them screaming and fighting almost every weekend.**",2.9415716374268968,4.9254644583333365,3.702943469785577,88.76271929824564,75.71296296296295,5.658479532163743,25.257309941520468,6.339386263674448,0.8364944444444444,857,30,167,6,19,272,128,216,0.181,0.735,0.085,-0.9748,4,0,0,0,6,3,29.0,0,0,1,0,12,10,3,1,5,0,13,1,0,1,2,36,29,18,2,3,6,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,9,17,0,0,1,1,4,6,3,7,0,1,11,3,25,3,29,18,3,32,0,0,0,0,19,13,0,6,13,111,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380839401003966,0.0,0.12856223803064534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732659681609762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872260191963074,0.1071987853617394,0.07826425589642654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927009837527105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332466831348843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479919614418525,0.0,0.10817259698845673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420659399808472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077103600300309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889792063043936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605590506840143,0.2712983674888467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814274664632232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949415644281413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401074019608293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148402042921665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036670973476293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347218201133749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285016950179473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598714282023814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620404689690452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697921402864396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043585404595002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930638986366441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529541611893976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756335080266522,0.0,0.0,0.14264401573204066,0.08716716110454317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186742405402476,0.07572668758918019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901714893250022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535558461416988
suicidewatch,manmtm7,2019/04/09,"FUCK THE SOCIETY AND HUMANS But no fuck to life it is so rare in this universe

​

From this day i will do everything i can to change the world for a better future till i die, this is how i will commit death.",3.7586666666666666,4.308817755555555,4.682222222222221,88.21000000000002,71.44444444444444,7.777777777777778,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,0.9572222222222222,169,4,37,2,3,55,35,45,0.318,0.591,0.091,-0.9278,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,4,8,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,6,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,3,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096145742618326,0.3472226504846716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252726382982058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302290071469303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428782982821146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965677620224118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568174643107913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283503372653463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018366539163527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472226504846716,0.0
suicidewatch,big___strong___man,2019/04/09,"i want to die but im too scared to kill myself

i'd only do it if i could get my hands on a gun, but im not sure how to without my parents knowing that i withdrew hundreds of dollars from my shared bank account, or without ending up on some school shooter watchlist

i literally hate fucking everything

i have supportive friends, a loving family with supportive parents, money, a 4.0 at an ivy league school, and everything is just so fucking miserable

i will never be happy and i will never be successful

im too much of a pussy to actually kill myself though so gonna live like this for a while i think",3.9765197428833794,5.323517983471074,5.549201101928379,79.22359963269055,71.64462809917356,8.352984389348027,31.626262626262626,8.841846274778883,2.7381177226813596,480,22,90,9,9,163,82,121,0.28300000000000003,0.562,0.155,-0.9734,2,0,0,2,0,3,7.0,0,0,0,1,7,16,5,2,6,0,8,4,1,1,3,20,19,11,3,3,8,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,5,7,0,0,0,1,13,9,15,13,2,8,0,1,0,3,5,4,2,3,5,64,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.12981587200116182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621181538713964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806177818149112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782308133673593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391134865706004,0.0,0.12540670178295948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277689183482464,0.2459639799289168,0.06950149680279173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161048895510608,0.0,0.13133733952576795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310783182635197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943509402961225,0.0,0.0731085597438732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499062788685768,0.0,0.1174659200581284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006271730150292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977906856583228,0.0,0.20519836781180292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117358078749973,0.0,0.0,0.29542309596631394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331839615292596,0.26926232332451544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019165761354184,0.1253770583109099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523879599110476,0.1306990662878398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846319997153714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564679633056641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,colon_Left_Bracket,2019/04/09,"I'm being a shitty friend, help Currently I'm super stressed out with college work. I struggle with depression and anxiety, so when I get stressed like this I often go down a dark lonely path thinking I have no future.

​

Right now, a close female friend of mine is going on dates, and I want nothing more than to be happy for here and ask how things are going. The problem is, I'm so unhappy and depressed I feel like I'm not being a decent human being for her.

​

I don't want to lose a friend, nor do I want to send mixed messages that I'm made she is dating someone...",5.395462184873949,5.335835100840338,6.112268907563027,81.51949579831934,67.73949579831933,8.14453781512605,30.445378151260506,7.447530270364453,1.8885764705882344,463,16,90,4,7,152,78,119,0.221,0.555,0.224,-0.1586,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,7,15,0,3,6,0,11,0,0,2,0,18,27,9,0,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,1,1,11,7,12,22,1,15,0,4,0,0,10,5,0,1,8,58,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093359599441957,0.3469101936112717,0.0,0.0,0.10920223992431104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345061226250632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458982111312421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217794931457203,0.10197958320517783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308614962623556,0.0,0.07458021874411694,0.0,0.24338184929698545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195847181105512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568133520022523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394794491368323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969909900625406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350721170257841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697107099919192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659107109689544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190647045378125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095037198553225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270359331916322,0.1492317646829752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483578487998083,0.0914674984416508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25259035645713923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392263490988128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469101936112717,0.0
suicidewatch,ListenintheDark,2019/04/09,"I am destroyed I've been mentally ill since I was at elementary school. It's got worse and I've had to spend time in hospital. Got 'better' because I didn't want to let anyone down but I didn't actually get 'better', just discharged from everywhere and a job.

​

I want to die. It's not an impulsive, emotional decision that I'll regret tomorrow. It's a decision I've made rationally. I just can't imagine ever getting past this point and anything ever becoming less difficult. I have nothing, really, to live for.

​

I genuinely feel that this is the end. I've overdosed twice but neither times had the guts to tell anyone and neither time has it been successful; just painful. I want to go now.",3.098319327731094,5.710471352941178,4.683865546218488,78.78382352941179,78.11764705882355,8.591596638655464,30.302521008403357,9.23628265651192,3.267537394957984,568,28,101,16,14,190,85,136,0.202,0.759,0.039,-0.9517,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,0,5,0,13,3,1,1,2,21,23,6,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,10,1,9,3,11,12,3,14,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,9,63,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.13263321557264166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945272063310025,0.3303026592527664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006954330918066,0.0,0.11184628007559584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285238602095396,0.15010719196744002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404111490013292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105807945983725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288582953125654,0.12038015001916196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24588539257684197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872259459959526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201972171759458,0.0,0.07724349943886871,0.0,0.21740692506404866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13487444332715207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898206711323655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001523740771085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860584746757278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369701268548438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041389335024306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462290451954646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297460329052309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284833949924256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707048589345237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755300959951636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243010732938684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879550503455492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23775899689861466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049816919731595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850876841309545,0.0,0.0,0.3303026592527664,0.0
suicidewatch,RadVoodoo,2019/04/09,"I feel like my mom is trying to hide the fact she doesn’t loves me, and never has. (Sorry for bad English) My mother is to strange with me, acts like she does care, but it’s to synthetic. Sometimes she just releases her anger on me, just complains about everything, even the things that I don’t have any that’s do with, she just explodes on me, I’ve never been a “weak” person on the outside, but in realty am very insecure. Most of the time I feel ok, but sometimes, (like today) I just want to stop breathing, I want to end it, and I feel like am choking.

I really just wanted to vent out, and to seek some help. I can’t talk about this with my friends, I don’t want them to worry, it’s just, so bizarre how afraid and helpless some words can make you feel.",3.9099999999999966,4.148752261146498,4.5877770700636935,90.13389490445864,70.97452229299364,7.808662420382165,25.89108280254777,7.554174236665415,1.0411864968152869,583,16,133,6,10,187,91,157,0.2,0.64,0.161,-0.9015,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,0,11,15,1,2,5,1,13,3,1,2,3,35,24,9,0,4,9,2,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,1,4,23,8,20,23,3,12,0,1,0,1,15,5,0,3,10,89,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016465215911962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352621244652686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516844279142634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417661295929547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348273967509492,0.0,0.0,0.10699859503728427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559396069586875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276455843978007,0.2314637673500572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515977216387458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858429508370113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31657747316114443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621012636753114,0.0,0.10813537152773994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973088677211486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498867255588866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414509918462198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378049752260332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204416578879365,0.18134425032338733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354381436467168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302083961860049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107624719370325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944627284259776,0.0,0.15355579908742945,0.0,0.0,0.10998646444379384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366587030733096,0.38220405604282304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645175150604112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bootyinspector9000,2019/04/09,"I was in a car accident I had a car accident 3 days ago. A drunk driver hit my car from behind. I swerved across the road and into the woods. 
I didn't hit a tree, there were no oncoming cars in that second. Change any minor detail and I'd be dead. 

For some people that's the moment that inspires them to turn their life around and appreciate being alive.

For me it did the exact opposite. I don't feel lucky at all. I don't even have anyone to tell about this.

When I told work I'm not coming in they told me to get a doctor's note and hung up.
Now, when driving I daydream about driving straight into the trees next to the road. I'm living life on autopilot even more than before. 
This is just so depressing idk",1.1754586129753903,3.2404554496644318,2.8558120805369143,92.28018344519016,81.75167785234899,5.852527964205817,18.658165548098435,7.03164865440522,0.1490748098434005,558,13,122,7,15,184,99,149,0.152,0.779,0.068,-0.9077,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,1,11,3,0,0,11,0,11,4,0,0,2,16,21,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,2,1,0,7,5,1,0,1,7,1,14,2,21,10,3,27,0,1,0,0,6,13,0,2,7,81,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976703741745748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164329664706466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559223119029304,0.0,0.0,0.1985115838375004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975113168608687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358976638138841,0.19208924356689255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381242597383925,0.0,0.1920640632936044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22824340146352995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945703430283986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275226575892093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650495371579385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31501395265450544,0.0,0.0,0.1969074366612156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371562263328253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459568663438808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490623764516965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261598872187392,0.0,0.0,0.2425530055679649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234199864363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sameoldlamedame,2019/04/09,"Why didn’t I kill myself after graduation I told myself since 10th grade that I’d kill myself after I graduated high school, and now I’m in my second semester of college. I totally regret not going through with it. I already did everything I wanted to. The only reason I’m still here is because I put the deposit down on the school and for my dog. Fuck I wish I wasn’t such a pussy.",4.534936708860761,4.8784169240506365,6.404911392405065,77.28407594936711,69.63291139240506,8.851645569620256,28.458227848101266,8.841846274778883,2.191063797468355,303,10,59,5,5,106,56,79,0.206,0.759,0.035,-0.9359,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,9,11,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,4,0,14,0,10,7,1,10,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,4,43,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405234199321173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286591790901753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958876934655809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149978738093466,0.0,0.0,0.12387124799102806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302858834518697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4822791686993181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576780895430834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191092175353736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240983799275111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411727352538883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802981196842102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406251519340554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826937580765567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855799549236152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667429528571626,0.0,0.2506423471793516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LovelyPlanets,2019/04/09,I just want to die I don't want to go to school. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I thought I could do this but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm such an idiot and a failure. I just wish I was dead. I want to die but I'm too afraid to go through with it. I'm a coward. So now I'm in a living hell. I wake up in the morning wanting to die. This sucks.,-3.8280053667262974,-2.4286357325581367,-0.2495348837209281,108.63433810375672,104.0,2.6461538461538456,13.592128801431127,3.1291,-1.867861180679785,261,6,79,0,13,93,44,86,0.422,0.499,0.079,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,3,1,5,0,4,3,3,0,1,19,19,6,4,7,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,13,16,0,7,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103316835539366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537961357619648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5997459294903416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189475169634708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700922305377662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949477310158726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927650481235102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154766502329495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292347663929354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5680788390234903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151031999286064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Byte_Crusher,2019/04/09,"Is there any point? I’m just slowly digging myself further and further into my own grave. 

I recently cut off contact from all my irl friends because I always treat them terribly & selfishly, and they deserve better than me. Thankfully none of them cared at all about my apology and sudden isolation from all of them anyway, I think I would’ve felt worse if they actually cared about me. I’ve always felt lonely but this just makes me feel 10x worse. I probably shouldn’t complain since I deserve it. 

For a long time I was wondering why none of them invited me anywhere or cared to talk outside of school like it was some mystery, how pathetic is that?

I’m always having an urge to cut myself, idk whether it’s because I want to punish myself or distract myself from my own misery. 

I’ve been feeling severely depressed for 3 years. I’ve been to therapy, talked to online friends about it which helps for a bit but it just keeps crawling it’s way back. It just hurts so much, physically and mentally. I don’t see much point in living like this, I’ll never make any progress in life and it’ll only get worse. 

This post is a mess and I’m sorry, I just have so many thoughts flying through my head at the moment.",3.3141456582633064,5.404420722689077,4.150168067226891,85.49385154061626,74.96638655462183,7.05434173669468,26.879551820728288,7.957251820313856,1.7277484593837542,964,37,184,15,21,309,138,238,0.267,0.638,0.095,-0.9933,0,3,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,6,2,14,22,3,1,5,0,12,2,1,3,4,36,32,15,1,3,11,0,4,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,7,5,29,10,26,23,11,20,0,4,1,0,14,10,0,5,10,118,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.11179145513333087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859626935527872,0.12412284822448785,0.0,0.1558058619178244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808753617077636,0.0,0.1396662028370728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131667267923168,0.12506696352351132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35039658029655113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866808354393178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584728331673555,0.0,0.21998605502908475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770134593741075,0.0,0.0598514907442065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756889786863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678538149341821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226360197793357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182384231089736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091524896696779,0.11193387602766523,0.0,0.10115624483696546,0.10137965585269647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293585042458624,0.11614317930074687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544687147024388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842567676365827,0.0,0.08835369579638383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712603199386111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658746076026694,0.0,0.1097142812301826,0.0,0.12351220621077735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311156953134505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593816100068105,0.0912873815736488,0.0,0.0,0.12941720572174412,0.0,0.0947630293428646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823758198168156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415372807055733,0.0,0.10546902286941727,0.13100632126631345,0.0,0.0,0.07340372861011517,0.0,0.09094574511332353,0.0667993159923051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756889711573298,0.09093029761684507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337019624936077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423256675316903,0.0,0.0,0.3502312004449222,0.08137825945515531,0.0,0.0,0.07377118186470831
suicidewatch,Gavalarrr99,2019/04/09,"I feel like I'm ready to finally let go I just dont think I'm cut out for life anymore.
This depression has spiralled out of control and I don't want to carry on.
I've lost an amazing girl to my depression a few years back and then my recent girlfriend dumped me on my birthday with no reason, just that she didn't see a future with us. 

My depression has resurfaced since that break up over the last month and I just feel really tired now, like every day has become a chore.

My mums away this week so it's just me and my sister in the house. She's working late tonight so I feel that tonight is the best time to do it after work.

My options are hanging, I have towels, neck ties etc that I can use.

It's either that or the cliff face that is a few 100 miles away but I drive so wouldn't be an issue.

I just can't carry on like this. I'm making other people miserable and know that this world, my family, they are better off without me.",1.1557365776249675,3.0322234522613094,2.7258926209997334,94.17405977254694,80.80904522613066,5.596508860089923,19.518910341179573,6.5966054737557815,0.01871256281406985,733,18,165,7,19,240,119,199,0.101,0.8029999999999999,0.096,0.0257,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,1,6,10,13,2,1,10,0,17,4,2,4,0,30,31,11,0,2,9,2,3,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,15,9,0,1,6,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,2,4,24,6,21,26,5,33,0,5,1,0,8,13,0,2,19,111,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211390995868853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692678905853372,0.1101879364635629,0.0,0.0,0.1582622727497995,0.0,0.0,0.1503832560045155,0.12673614880356332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072179581103932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241587501947546,0.0,0.3702691547454295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679451333326045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981604795625975,0.0,0.0,0.12073542443468092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508936097691324,0.0,0.21736854579800974,0.102372695598882,0.0,0.15697683752140468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144001374028041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653475823934576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956672320698544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875327615931539,0.11680765268125025,0.16164729476153278,0.0,0.0,0.1465327378689296,0.10121618448744313,0.21002567484595813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156427574360727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956530657011152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437973975418307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934534903925864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180088446339177,0.14733503889290733,0.1414902831729852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419059537845605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853825308591645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182008869676278,0.0,0.0,0.08355868612444473,0.16470089732674803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237081963407996,0.12376415896102473,0.0,0.0,0.08452134848983804,0.0,0.11494565847758635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381349353002456,0.0,0.2086464748156149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227973279206296
suicidewatch,dogw0rm,2019/04/09,I feel like i'm spiraling into a dark hole I've been having **suffocating** intrusive thoughts about hurting myself and others. I have a therapist I see but I fear of what will happen if i'm asked to describe  how I actually feel. I tried talking to my mother  about these thoughts   but she didn't know how to help and I just ended up scaring her. Its gotten so bad these past few weeks I've considered going to the ER for suicidal ideation but past experiences with behavioral health hospitals  has cause me to mistrust the entire system.  i dont know what to do anymore,2.6356060606060616,5.292694590909093,4.0759090909090885,82.16719696969697,80.36363636363636,7.303030303030304,26.43939393939393,8.344100000000001,2.1896666666666667,455,19,83,10,12,150,78,110,0.196,0.758,0.046,-0.9647,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,4,0,8,1,0,3,0,18,21,9,1,1,5,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,3,13,1,13,15,1,8,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,5,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.18490916089450493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879173242146904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771420671975896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582113196140664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946523798715212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207396925407688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782668227029945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535182168307845,0.0,0.2132223068654101,0.1916177218058124,0.13536748820139524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768818809172072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756017536169174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141275146246754,0.0,0.0,0.12700720680286726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20284666199033866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082710261550204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925723664087725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36176805290161057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970665290266675,0.0,0.1509943054852241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726486512661785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230015251393306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000565970164068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008584403123354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286472746759668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199272595823105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaycomedian95,2019/04/09,"my life is a disaster i failed school level 1, 2 ,3, my host family on exchange hated me, i was pushed into 2 art courses i entered planning to leave, i failed a university preparation course, completed my first year of university then dropped out, got exiled from 3 social circles in a year once

last year i dropped out and spent the year on the welfare in deep depression, going in and out of respite care

and i can barely hold down my job here at new world - I can barely hold down a basic supermarket job. ive been taken in by the upper management 3 times

im alone in a state of constant rumination against my will and i'm close to just giving up on life - constant rumination on the past which follows me 24/7 and puts me through an array of emotions every day.",6.878692052980133,6.190001397350997,7.556680463576161,74.50336506622519,64.82781456953643,10.463907284768213,35.431291390728475,9.827888789773867,3.3258006622516554,605,25,116,11,8,202,95,151,0.145,0.818,0.037000000000000005,-0.9451,2,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,10,0,7,2,0,0,0,13,16,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,4,0,1,5,0,16,1,27,10,0,43,0,3,0,0,2,22,0,0,13,69,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693552914816951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671745748895547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144546935090238,0.35340964654162665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545555629704437,0.0,0.14083777880905932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393569538723126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777093324968126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415017937806114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908829271571466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686132655551002,0.09293102458869032,0.0,0.13078024976631328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614401316603757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662745595345838,0.0,0.32453268689984816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328896134627655,0.0,0.1731419088543004,0.0,0.0,0.23099514102178265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792666411441525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741412900911663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609639467128766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643807131406581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654889047000979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668596728604831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534863709126253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212008187761608
suicidewatch,TahlaTheOcelot,2019/04/09,Think this is it I’m so tired of struggling. Here I am with 300$ due on my power bill. They won’t work with me I haven’t eaten in a week. No one in my family will help anymore. Just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. Called 211 and they said I make too much money to help. What a joke of life. Just going to swallow a bunch of pills today and hope for the best.,-2.173928571428572,-0.3580567261904761,0.3447619047619064,105.05857142857144,98.40476190476193,3.276190476190476,10.571428571428571,4.7782277997778095,-1.9306714285714288,281,3,75,1,12,94,65,84,0.1,0.708,0.192,0.8124,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,3,5,4,0,1,4,0,6,7,2,1,0,13,15,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,1,2,2,4,1,0,1,2,1,9,3,13,10,3,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287357745634904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24204548698696535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355121814849165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841495827203114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742959311529425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621593428645997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091901392764529,0.0,0.0,0.2290804344810587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290989646141246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395592225192567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954906468996994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562895935878745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939420822334904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308094608433201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411180300224915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477866530774342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650900769128572,0.21862249448666327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500781684371426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652279447258774,0.0,0.0,0.16791077326900916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheTruthShallMatrix,2019/04/09,"Just found this place. I barely searched and happened to find this place. Finally a place that people can be truly open and honest about things. I see a lot of new posts. So I will undoubtably get lost in the shuffle. But I just hope to the few that may come across this. I want to vent my true thoughts and feelings. This is easily the worst time of my life. And that’s saying something. I got scammed into a fake lease. And Im going to be homeless and most likely finally done with this existence in a few months.  Tried to make a go fund. But of course that didn’t work at all. So sick of this disgusting cold world.   But I also want to just vent this.  Poor and poverty stricken people here. I know your pain.  I live it. Every day. I sleep on an air mattress and survive on peanut butter jelly. This social media and technology thing is a double edged sword. Has it caused online bullying and brought bad things? Yes. No question. But on the other side. Think of all the help this has brought. To be able to reach out to others online. Who feel the same. People who connect through their like of music, video games, pop culture, whatever it is. And of course. Tinder, pof, “dating” sites. All those who found and still find hookups, flings, someone to just chill with and spend time with. Social media is not the problem. The problem is the society. The fact that we are rats in a maze. Punching time cards. Being modern slaves. Working for the scum garbage of the earth. The millionaires, billionaires. Who have mansions, yachts, helicopters. Everything they could ever want. They view us as ants. As disposable. So we live these meaningless lives. Work. Pay bills. Pay taxes. Repeat the cycle.  We worry about how we are going to pay our rent. Keep food in our stomach.  We eat poison. Fast food with 100 different ingredients and preservatives and bs that we shouldn’t consume. But what choice do we have? Do we have money? Do we own farms? Can we afford expensive farmers market gourmet organic food? Hell no. So we settle for the little debbies. The rice krispies. Just to survive. Our lives are so bad and filled with so much misery. We turn to drugs and liquor and casual sex and hookups just to numb our pain and survive our existence. Eventually the pain of this “life” if you can even call it that. Becomes too much to handle. And suicide relieves all of that. You want to know why suicidal thoughts and actions are at an all time high? Just look around. Look at society. Look at the financial situations we are in.  While we survive on food stamps. Section 8. Welfare.  There are fucking millionaires and billionaires in mansions and yachts. It’s absolutely disgusting and disgraceful.  Our pain and agony should not even exist.  If you have money and complain about life. You are part of the problem.  Only those who truly know real pain and struggle can understand.",1.9327368948008288,4.76731066101695,2.275836849507737,90.71774297361084,91.165725047081,5.174483301151398,21.78743235833989,6.821326713145582,0.8559377863596276,2255,80,414,33,79,686,272,531,0.172,0.757,0.071,-0.9966,3,0,2,0,0,1,88.0,21,5,3,8,26,28,5,1,28,1,36,22,2,3,9,111,70,46,2,13,16,0,2,2,0,4,12,1,2,0,37,52,6,1,14,4,12,8,6,21,0,0,10,10,41,7,58,51,17,54,1,1,5,2,43,29,2,7,18,279,78,8,0.07062399329478261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647798192209165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287032718843813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179361688699456,0.0,0.07799865194873436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211499338979385,0.0,0.0,0.07255029538804088,0.0,0.060836316747721865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638751191924684,0.0,0.0,0.04554663309794363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378704144231288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227286526730571,0.0,0.0,0.0819014105880298,0.07226597643981733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329296300091958,0.06388344523505275,0.05950376033870855,0.0,0.06347229131197464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141922604681733,0.0,0.0,0.1547302651618287,0.12909810081982948,0.0,0.3415952521045769,0.1548711267392105,0.0,0.06529074378115991,0.03689812159869586,0.0,0.12041172875996735,0.0,0.056484459062406435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062452564031256624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733777401560625,0.07461812644223514,0.0,0.07014556068468457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628603189646105,0.0,0.0,0.06277385021688209,0.0,0.0,0.1164392992134782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965144519115905,0.06900663153627347,0.07078379487012604,0.24944911988332374,0.0,0.17791910178117432,0.0,0.07709443138754977,0.060041993561324176,0.0,0.0,0.047142063928562884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637139765569709,0.0,0.10383352234496628,0.0,0.0,0.06820909281005855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053712729339703835,0.37574454113704253,0.0,0.0,0.07647890248034425,0.0,0.14688535368164962,0.0,0.22136112432693866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763826330151443,0.0,0.0,0.2027328708134256,0.0,0.0,0.07911503555031871,0.0,0.0,0.08038556592928205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056163034107540866,0.0,0.0,0.05627817893670575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938432749265896,0.07067499709811799,0.14398453454967475,0.0598394803351486,0.0543698004144565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056400412273944614,0.0,0.0,0.07383153190462775,0.0,0.15450237185308205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075832900471313,0.0452530032314337,0.0,0.11213512379890853,0.16472567373318886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794905556648348,0.07681862451452706,0.0,0.07352206770876507,0.08495196823068309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666234441993356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372716908908692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424532473890687,0.07172209336106683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_lamp_moth_forever,2019/04/09,"HOW DO PEOPLE SURVIVE THIS It has been the longest year of my life. I used to coexist with my depression and anxiety, maybe not living the best life possible, but it was ok. I had a great job, friends, family, goals and ambitions, milestones I wanted to reach. Now, I don’t leave my bed most days. I’m completely broke. The depression has become my entire identity.  I’m a shell of a human being. And I’m so achingly, achingly alone. I have one friend who knows the situation and is extremely supportive, but she lives in a different country. I used to feel so much better speaking to her, but now it makes me feel even more lonely, because she’s so far away and inaccessible to me. It’s 6:25 am and I’ve spent the night crying and cutting. The tears just won’t stop. The pain is so overwhelming. I know what I need to do. I know how my story ends. It’s just a matter of when now. I have a date I’m willing to wait until, but things keep getting worse and worse and I don’t even know if I can hold out till then. I wish I had someone physically present in my life. 
I just need a hug. 
And some fucking money so I don’t feel so trapped in this nightmare of an existence.",1.679417864289615,3.714999845188288,3.521186101509916,88.32548299072222,79.83682008368201,7.001710023649262,24.198835728579226,8.04050195162591,1.3753131162452243,909,33,194,17,23,305,134,239,0.199,0.6709999999999999,0.13,-0.9545,2,4,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,4,17,16,2,1,15,1,20,6,0,5,0,44,44,27,0,5,9,0,3,0,2,2,4,1,1,1,10,12,0,4,7,0,2,0,5,8,0,1,5,4,27,8,19,36,5,20,0,5,0,2,8,6,1,3,14,131,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300717781331686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982430072502846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065734578739895,0.0,0.0,0.078285280571743,0.1418327727584764,0.0,0.0,0.1347716913511546,0.11357943419628427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464874836643512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106629600476292,0.08282201167194868,0.0,0.22122055148083575,0.0,0.0,0.13417437891473274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374438651815305,0.0,0.0,0.1696439526925578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106548392500956,0.0,0.19480311400398892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843810529083147,0.11872470862742165,0.067095555694503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158647040644892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743970505753913,0.1141479885939252,0.0,0.0,0.2823110101331176,0.0,0.0,0.1359810871950827,0.0,0.0,0.2721262340883273,0.0,0.0,0.2267991782631539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572314358637992,0.0,0.12901785448101788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440545452724808,0.19044759655544755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051599608804202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870225391542075,0.0,0.1366507978967524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903212414478955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477728845029214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435248559489328,0.0,0.0,0.10881212949601707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736712022043496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573254808214378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531832962408133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183194426019906,0.0,0.0,0.07574703057974616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476797570128709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617473875555842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270000262160501
suicidewatch,agentOrange088,2019/04/09,"I can’t do it much longer. Even my love for her can’t take me out of this. I’ve made a few posts that explain a bit of what’s been going on but I am officially feeling defeated. I raised myself and my brother, my parents were addicts. I figured everything out from basically 2-3 years old until now, age 31. The fact I did better as a child on my own is really getting to me. My mother would be there once in a while but she was never really there and my dad, he took off a long time ago. I did what I had to and learned along the way. I was in a really abusive and bad situation I got myself out of two months ago, finally! Well, two days after I signed my lease, I lost my job and income. I felt like for the first time in my entire life I was going to be okay, even okay enough to just sleep at night. I’m trying for other jobs, applications, I want to go back to school, but financially I’m in ruins. I lost all motivation and care at this point. I’ve overcome so much, I’m too weak for anymore. I’ll never be okay. I’ll never succeed. I’ll never be able to be happy. I see no point in continuing on to suffer in this life of hell. I have an amazing gf but even that’s been rough lately and I just feel everything coming to an end. A final close. I see people get miracles everyday, I pray for the day I get one. Hopefully I make it to then, most likely not.",0.5088663202645272,2.363760136986304,3.2485403873405763,89.70609589041098,82.90410958904108,6.356353330184223,19.315540859707134,7.503015589744147,0.4578803495512522,1048,27,239,17,29,369,165,292,0.147,0.705,0.14800000000000002,-0.7243,4,0,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,0,7,12,21,1,0,13,3,21,6,1,3,6,40,48,16,0,3,7,4,4,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,10,13,0,0,7,0,0,5,8,8,1,4,15,6,37,13,39,27,8,54,2,5,2,1,11,18,1,2,31,162,47,6,0.10171474858113223,0.12051534454986852,0.0,0.1108840896142144,0.0,0.0,0.18032797500085265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087369902421882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821236318215617,0.08492756643735884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995842935864315,0.1110461615616798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370496511110014,0.0,0.0,0.08761824946329949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311951963672567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900890767060206,0.10509852535047866,0.0,0.20154489642959128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282931483974388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286006613771778,0.0,0.09766210964050473,0.22284707058599604,0.0,0.08651851318210768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942527403663492,0.0,0.17342050690787505,0.0,0.08135057625944757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827724124267976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102569588984618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187238624719267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147386667821191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368826997067535,0.09938537669267447,0.0,0.0,0.09001435171782735,0.0,0.0,0.22206732697368675,0.0,0.09180153180339504,0.09624495446720001,0.06789538450587265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118774190215387,0.0,0.14954408731220598,0.0,0.31379473848447004,0.0,0.0,0.09545240119735793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673251837351698,0.1083228876286261,0.06892454603695884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294219117040387,0.0,0.0,0.07051619958493345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230662904274645,0.0,0.09741461258728076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548321748819306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294075585536544,0.1621069711325396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433163908609772,0.10178820575610796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647683237636388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186213757319972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300882824459993,0.06905763755513819,0.0,0.1987210592654875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059993994051416026,0.08073643299186349,0.0,0.0,0.09145377442466787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225523905333049,0.0,0.0,0.0655009632372217
suicidewatch,cloudyreader1,2019/04/09,"My pthetic self I'm a shy guy who enjoys learning and quiet. My family life is terrible. None of my parents are bad individuals, but their strained, aggressive relationship has me scared about relationships and family. I have finally gotten away from them. I wanted to get into a college with scholarship so that I could enjoy a quiet life with just books and me. I poured my soul over those applications, but I couldn't get anywhere. Now I'm here, struggling  to pay for college. It's to the point where I need to give up. It's one of the few things that I want to do. I don't really even have a goal that I'm working towards. I've wanted to kill myself for as long as I can remember. I can only think of ways of ending it even when I'm working or just pretty much doing anything.",3.6216666666666697,5.04518776433121,5.2959394904458605,80.39618099787687,72.63057324840764,8.290658174097665,26.459129511677283,8.841846274778883,2.0061639065817407,617,21,121,12,12,210,99,157,0.168,0.754,0.078,-0.9239,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,3,10,9,2,3,6,0,12,2,0,0,0,20,25,10,1,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,9,6,0,0,3,1,2,0,3,7,0,1,1,2,19,2,23,22,3,13,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,5,88,28,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230815081242495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105799997814087,0.0,0.13424449305629646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836966004301334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240326126888198,0.0,0.0,0.2123872030740496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30313794404729283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612651153711845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800171401900804,0.15423472169937608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919736969274295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787912767250258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271271834284465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228514392984293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181917193259091,0.11921625181031567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894861503763416,0.12228035198989975,0.0,0.0,0.17852704174116812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198896548066218,0.0,0.0,0.16357095038065042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299971506531702,0.0,0.0,0.34523486509795026,0.1821322741353652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609687189920957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772849091917655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808205094463322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681501528467628,0.10302126203163248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844964358113996,0.12761959364702394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340993507961369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wiqi1,2019/04/09,I just want to end it. Its been so many days i havent slept properly. There is this burden on my shoulder and this burning sensation in my eyes and on the back of head. I have lost the hope that things would get better. They wont. No one listens to me. No one takes me seriously. This knot in my stomach wont go away. I cant see anylight. Cant sit still cant lay down. I am tired of making rounds around my house without anypurpose. Like i have lost something. I want to get out of here. I feel like if i cant make out of here. Doctor prescribed me pills yesterday and i feel like taking them at once and end this misery.,-0.1063636363636391,2.0832240454545463,1.6623484848484864,97.83852272727276,88.84848484848484,4.815151515151517,18.098484848484848,6.322622252153567,-0.2846151515151516,482,13,113,5,16,157,81,132,0.14,0.7340000000000001,0.126,-0.5972,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,8,9,0,0,2,0,13,8,5,2,0,18,30,6,0,5,3,0,3,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,4,6,19,5,18,23,0,18,0,2,3,0,3,10,0,2,9,76,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465274777446072,0.0,0.0,0.15464562017442793,0.12656601374271734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557391367860995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615235463301433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847344261621378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915706636785088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664517988549071,0.2351782674926801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199174660458874,0.0,0.09354506699259163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689254506393491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348335600833785,0.0,0.1899244604916958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24124340015812196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593572066362578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974142753937065,0.1668769483914566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529192990020015,0.2230722787548892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116361852132485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671589407082146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144849921787718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475150327577537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109351866733507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918165366848755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416880827159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586669891521348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692598467723525,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilymegeve,2019/04/09,"Is it normal to have fleeting suicidal thoughts?? I have never admitted this and probably never will... Sometimes I get really deep, dark and overwhelmingly depressing thoughts where I just want to hurt myself because how unhappy I am. The thing is, is that my lift atm isn’t that bad. I have a loving wonderful husband, a beautiful family (barring some nasty drama with my dad) and awesome friends. My job isn’t great but it’s not the worst. 
But sometimes I’ll get swept up into these horrific moments where I’m left broken and weeping because I completely hate myself. I think about stabbing myself in the heart or jumping in front of a car or just trying to overdose myself on prescription pain medication. I usually can talk myself out of it and logically think about the consequences of doing that. How awful my family and friends would feel and how it doesn’t resolve anything. Knowing people who have attempted or  committed suicide, I see what is left behind and it’s just heartbreaking. 
But a couple of months ago I took a shit ton of pain medication in hopes to black out my shit and ended up just being really sick vomiting etc. I played it off as I just had a bad reaction and everyone believed me. But I really just wasn’t mentally okay. 
For the most part I’m alright and I have my shit together. But once or so a week maybe I have this moment where I can’t function. 
Is that normal???",5.01254716981132,6.705944169811321,6.008443396226416,75.58474056603777,69.56603773584905,9.67735849056604,31.36320754716981,10.008157457239328,3.4133433962264164,1115,48,194,29,20,369,147,265,0.261,0.608,0.132,-0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,2,15,23,4,1,12,3,23,12,4,3,3,54,41,25,2,5,16,2,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,0,16,15,1,0,10,3,1,4,8,14,0,0,5,3,28,9,25,33,6,29,0,5,2,1,8,16,3,8,9,146,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470198794093136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791536542885506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840403015816875,0.13025015742609491,0.0,0.0,0.12036545177595807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201352632237448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182099049899331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201605795440804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462330684723612,0.0,0.11914826721846325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020845654510041,0.0,0.0,0.2014273721053839,0.0,0.05401853341352883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650795287741237,0.0,0.11163282072919774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778497774523912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054765605979072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265989286232977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611037176942928,0.0,0.0,0.11436811882830268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601636428234876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871323006765674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321511350052513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642195070135998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732921779292433,0.0,0.0,0.2152482422198124,0.10766365003057143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527396322764529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479409553478033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20934947943281668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377483496816848,0.0,0.0,0.2273580398315381,0.0,0.0,0.11569092463579254,0.0,0.07406531662878264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518523433879603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532198961513085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513294970046707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289910201172794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132332285839608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337183416393825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586920666760457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097583213413926,0.13690996122065446,0.0,0.1696286915176244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869662141537694,0.0725333444125348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766267307423108,0.0,0.06301352301170847,0.0,0.08569587476996073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158570294627711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758918828591655,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zleepysleeepbeep,2019/04/09,"I plan on offing myself if my legal case goes south Right now is the lowest point in my life. My family has been trying to get rid of me for my entire adolesence. Im in the middle of trying to get chargers pressed for assult that happened to me, but local police aren't doing shit. I didn't have a lawyer so i doubt anything's going to come of it. So I think im just going to fucking blow my head off. Plus I fucked up my knee and didn't go the doctor because i had to work to pay rent. So im in constant pain now. I can't take it anymore and no one cares and no one listens until its too late. I see thousands of fucks just like me and everyone just wishes they would kill themselves and I know it. No one fucking cares. All they care about is inanimate dollar signs so they aren't on the street starving. I wanted move to a state where weed is legal so I can grow my own but that costs money that i don't have, and honesrly whats the point. I wouldn't fit in there either just like i don't fit in anywhere. I would just be high and depressed and they wake up no longer high and just depressed. I have no friends no SO no nothing just my trauma and unresolved issues. And thetes no point in going to a therapist because they would just institutionalize me for my suicidal/homicidal thoughts. I was born into the trap yet i have no place in it Because im a bitchy white kid that no one respects and can see the victim written all over my face. Im so paranoid from all my drug use i don't even know what's real. All i know is that Every one hates a drug addict. Literally Every one. I hate my self. No one cares anyone who says otherwise is full of shit",1.7164534615029117,3.4394278567335266,3.305516221462245,91.41551437286257,78.45558739255014,5.763970792124965,21.28671781125797,6.532088108194933,0.2569758942600977,1298,35,284,11,31,429,171,349,0.246,0.643,0.112,-0.9952,2,2,2,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,5,2,23,23,10,1,12,0,29,16,6,1,4,47,60,24,1,7,12,0,1,2,1,4,6,2,1,2,13,15,0,0,5,0,5,7,20,15,0,8,7,6,43,8,36,48,7,44,0,2,3,4,11,29,6,3,9,196,56,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848789074645788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721621194596398,0.05444153189010079,0.0,0.06407215714323848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238822497910966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175338921177039,0.0,0.0,0.06706950757568762,0.0,0.08413901449533183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412143136064653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796930231974601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805857938662622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142580471049664,0.0,0.13120083917533884,0.07439857967455109,0.0,0.0,0.07339949151965779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060154453417513125,0.28792131205522176,0.08135728717288089,0.0,0.17699856020229765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885135294737146,0.0,0.0,0.1537412881716651,0.07990683663484098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452675849704573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420510878018469,0.08126562559971165,0.0,0.0,0.08614056919964504,0.0,0.12836948188515335,0.0,0.08782948675767623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499483024579449,0.07607693963109778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827528726031002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470878300780895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36931972204706864,0.0,0.08284854407875658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134714262082772,0.0,0.22080863848187174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862174127712641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649202625007691,0.0,0.06191740793857922,0.0,0.0,0.12408870064220764,0.0,0.08122497489068156,0.0,0.15984437029745258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058541040477870024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040147692516727,0.0,0.0498895529070128,0.0,0.06181215380213825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057236768261043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672460530600171,0.0,0.0,0.045923853343048535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953517320597852,0.0,0.0,0.0566830172564532,0.0,0.0,0.1659285593842076,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaystoryburger,2019/04/09,"I feel like the most useless member of society and can't take one more day here I'm going to wake up and go crazy tomorrow if I wake up at all. I can't take one more day at school with all the work, study and people",2.8852380952380936,2.547219020408164,4.506530612244899,91.8444217687075,73.08163265306123,8.165986394557821,22.455782312925173,7.793537801064563,0.5702190476190472,168,3,43,2,3,57,33,49,0.114,0.833,0.052000000000000005,-0.4576,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,2,9,8,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,3,1,7,8,5,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,4,26,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059938611892757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915428525498504,0.2248676753738774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35777560540065506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377793526928227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265848651642676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821792976122945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185582711921074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4733271541602589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291521557201917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gpudriver,2019/04/09,"I can't even run from my life in my dreams anymore I used to go to sleep whenever I felt depressed and felt the need of ending my life.

Now... it haunts me in my dreams too.

Maybe it is time now...

I'm so scared",0.3788297872340429,1.5725404468085138,2.0478191489361706,101.30875,80.70212765957447,5.5510638297872354,18.132978723404253,5.985473137389443,-0.6625276595744678,159,3,43,1,4,52,34,47,0.17600000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.105,-0.5634,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,5,8,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,8,0,6,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689097258160648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354264878008416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401600134661666,0.0,0.0,0.1790932071913555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206965022615311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410181713895232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830450717537592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724084292686579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010556246046296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714702555005383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713476234733145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811079564137556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341880964484031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway--bye,2019/04/09,"Im empty Going through the roughest patch in my life. I have no friends, am failing my classes, scared of going to my (part time) job, and am in fear of how my parents would react to learning all of this. Ever since I've entered university I've started losing friends and wasting away. I haven't made a single connection (friend, acquaintance, anything), have stopped going to classes and am too cowardly to go back (hence the failing classes). I barely eat, don't exercise anymore, and haven't left my place except to occasionally buy groceries. I know people say it gets better but right now its fucking 2:30 am and I'm supposed to be studying for a final for a class I'm all but guaranteed to fail. I'm too scared to tell anyone I know about this but everyday my mind wanders to ending it all. Some days I feel the only reason I don't is because I don't want to cause pain to my family members but I recently have felt super weak. I don't know what to do.",4.058810770381449,5.334406926701573,5.299300673148847,81.36865183246077,71.35602094240838,7.551383694839193,30.920344053851906,7.957251820313856,2.2118448765893794,757,33,143,10,14,252,111,191,0.187,0.754,0.058,-0.9642,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,6,7,15,1,3,6,0,17,6,0,5,4,30,34,10,0,2,5,1,2,0,3,1,4,1,0,0,6,5,1,1,7,1,1,5,7,10,0,0,2,3,17,5,23,30,6,22,0,4,0,1,6,6,1,1,11,91,23,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786472145034884,0.0972019533231109,0.0,0.1143968329274829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060840681204874,0.10689333065393636,0.0,0.08474175944766572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294675347101723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280586551975225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965265167114128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224622047258095,0.0,0.0,0.1231253100256856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257462928356211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310502056230924,0.1564296110848015,0.0702897509639071,0.0,0.13347542195918674,0.15228324929865186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222060531876522,0.12851637786210676,0.07262917625313223,0.0,0.31601986920154834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015917928071346,0.0,0.1379501325306038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22919568853244315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510393233058482,0.0,0.09818983296346454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552131925205145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153858703482585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036470259199282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572655509889206,0.1479208985281197,0.0,0.15435880587626108,0.15053882005980915,0.0,0.09637493526612886,0.0,0.1452402400424722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292973926867272,0.1372597410291856,0.0,0.0,0.11871735800833055,0.0,0.1105496628655328,0.2783549092027737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499397383163545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839495861136376,0.0,0.0,0.11622208680686255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150452865118712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106029163966019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199417051818983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875169148921688,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bugbody,2019/04/09,"i think i will just drift away slowly 
i think i need to go quietly. bad things are happening and will continue to happen if i dont exit. i think im going to kill myself while my boyfriend is at work tomorrow. i dont have a car but there are places i can walk to that are secluded enough. mainly i just dont want him to be the one to find me. i think that would hurt him very badly. everything is just too much. its the perfect weather to disappear, does that make sense? i can hear the birds chirping as this new day arises. there are so many reasons. i thought maybe i should write letters but i dont think anyone would want them. maybe one or two",1.0800952380952396,3.212992570370375,2.4181216931216944,94.90083333333335,82.55555555555556,5.931216931216931,20.01322751322752,7.1686216300943375,0.3243227513227511,507,14,114,7,14,163,86,135,0.147,0.815,0.038,-0.9053,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,1,0,4,0,19,0,0,2,1,25,34,8,1,7,7,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,8,0,0,6,4,4,0,3,1,2,20,1,10,27,3,15,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,5,78,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498919980278408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419836333508425,0.0,0.20297503470184386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838841571835369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636748900489383,0.0,0.5698134839615465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559159366623573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923952045500712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109268575081158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381570785719705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496902049518452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699344929674548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011966639642875,0.0,0.13129271638902687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447487226503588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113424535918629,0.12323061178947582,0.2442226410101429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893517781827617,0.0901263146715262,0.0,0.1173918324866924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472816437027332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269918078635884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249716055405324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075110174163029,0.38941530784300543,0.0,0.0964955486619137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873475124873095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028984378050736,0.1433843395650592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848840419770268,0.0,0.0,0.17268844816196616,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yet-Another-Sad-Guy,2019/04/09,"Why cant I just fucking kill myself why do I have to be a pussy? I will never get a better life. In fact its going to keep going downhill the older I get.  
  
Why cant I just kill myself?  
  
I feel so tired and dumb right now.  
  
I dont just want to kill myself... I NEED to kill myself. trust me if u knew where I was in life you would agree. Its already over for me.  
  
Why do I got to be a coward on top of everything else wrong with me? Why cant I just die? Why am i afraid?  
  
all that is keeping me going are delusional fantasies that everything will get better someday. But they wont. Im not doing anything or taking any action to fix myself. It's over for me.  
  
why can't I just die!!?? Why cant I just kill myself??? PLEASE!!!! GOD!!! I have no other options left! I am tkaing the path of least resistance which is not doing ANYTHING. suicide requires a lot of planning you know! Before i kill myself i want all my stuff to be in order so no one goes rifling through my things when im dead! Thats a lot of cleaning, and dont get me started on how much fucking work a suicide plan is (even if I have a rough one!)  
  
God I just want to kill myself!!!! I AM DONE trying to get better! Exposure doesnt work for me meds dont work for me fucking electro convulsive therapy doesn't work for me! I am a waste of space and a burden to my parents and doctors. I need to off myself SOON. I really need to. I need to so bad. I cant even DO THINGS I ENJOY ANYMORE MY BRAIN IS THAT FUCKED UP. I STILL ACTUALLY ENJOY SOME THINGS BUT I HAVE SUCH TERRIBLE OCD RIGHT NOW THAT IT MAKES ALMOST ANYTHING I ENJOY IMPOSSIBLE. I have nothing left.  
  
oh my god PLEASE i just want to kill myself PLEASE someone, something give me the strength PLEASE i am begging the universe for this.  
  
Please I need the strength i dont have it on my own. I dont have anything on my own.  
  
Nothing is EVER GOING TO FUCKING CHANGE SO I NEED TO KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
OH mY fucking god I am going to delete this, I sound like a drunk what the fuck is wrong with me please just make it end im going to go cry in bed now ok bye!!! OH MY GOD PLEASE SOMEONE HELP MAKE MY LIFE END PLEASE GOD IM SO TIRED OF THIS I just want to die please please please is that so much to ask",-1.4299999999999995,0.5354651847133773,1.0141893842887484,98.976723566879,100.97452229299364,3.4461825902335463,16.046454352441614,5.316915257282937,-0.8140073545647559,1686,46,390,11,75,565,179,471,0.136,0.633,0.231,0.9946,1,0,1,0,0,12,79.0,0,2,1,13,28,34,17,1,16,1,48,15,1,4,5,55,91,17,15,14,17,1,2,1,0,4,6,1,2,0,22,6,1,3,3,2,0,8,19,23,0,2,4,3,75,11,47,80,10,40,0,0,0,7,8,19,8,8,14,262,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.04105216145070188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212488351223656,0.0,0.04642292784360729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02860758628997065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172001157609825,0.0,0.0,0.1384730522441131,0.0,0.03932776887379536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512490460021477,0.0,0.0,0.0357966490662836,0.0,0.0,0.11161680647725032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696164266630337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044502216203229764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620956711351898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097938612684062,0.0,0.0,0.04305823565469643,0.0,0.043050024806176486,0.2465160837817499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03514229767535194,0.0,0.0745192723061102,0.0,0.0,0.05557084746227908,0.03805278636596614,0.0,0.0,0.0756157571829789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02127077321192272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27223740062024554,0.1098935986729,0.040355323055668274,0.16735693373666558,0.0,0.03364550934581632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028197198742622887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817620238722188,0.0,0.0,0.074783690919709,0.4188766721716727,0.0,0.023119394814887555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141370251178337,0.0,0.08914131747691995,0.020552230691558968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715291777257541,0.0,0.0,0.0842418664612042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672790717832534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061849432648488085,0.18715670384526584,0.03244532581021853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073048944962954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701253917235358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046711378373542715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5079566337777106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02694974730919792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185144246166131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128791983793706,0.03238589265683992,0.0,0.0,0.029775846707630782,0.0,0.03359544607082675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815763323728309,0.09203081843078896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031629794117881915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048108262346821605,0.0,0.08384404759541303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670162963024716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028561314456473343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240635641665382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036775918558924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225036078051747,0.0,0.0,0.029883799631606093,0.09198919850569698,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,something_about_,2019/04/09,"The date is almost due I have to pay 10000 dollars for my college, tomorrow is the last day due for it, i can't tell my family that, i just want to hang myself, im dead either way, i don't know what to do, i know that i don't have anything close to the money, and my family will rip me apart.",10.98409090909091,3.1693810454545464,11.404242424242424,72.07636363636365,64.30303030303031,15.01818181818182,39.06060606060606,10.125756701596842,3.5336606060606064,223,4,56,3,2,79,42,66,0.095,0.883,0.022,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,8,12,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,6,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,36,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100325439070237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547849932768468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967467340431566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5837508767358087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344350057990299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34031024850042985,0.2523757946926137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706152759939026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261767961234146,0.2457562675443077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VanillaVibe,2019/04/09,"I feel like something above me is trying to make me kill myself. I can't ever have peace. My upbringing on its own gives me horrific nightmares that plague my sleep every night. Every time, and I really mean EVERY TIME I find some peace for a short period of time, something comes along and ruins my life all over again. 
The worst physical pain I've ever felt was when I had a concoction of throat infections, strep throat, tonsillitis, uvulitis, etc. My throat pretty much ripped itself open from the inside while i choked on my own inflamed uvula every time I had the audacity to breathe. Granted, the pain was worsened by my emotional state as my girlfriend of nearly five years cheated on me and did drugs (mainly acid)  behind my back.
I tried to kill myself three times to escape all of that, to the point where I've learned to admit that I failed because I was scared it would hurt.
That was quite a few months ago, maybe September or November.
We have two weeks off for Easter, before we're pelted with 3 exams a day, each one  being 2 hours long.
So what happens on the very first day of our break? I just conveniently get every single one of those individual infections at the same time overnight (except cobblestone throat was added to the list). 
I view death as a good thing, it can't be all  black when life is over. Your eyes shut down, as does the rest of your body, even your consciousness. No pain, no nightmares, no more suffering.
Every time I look up ""how to kill yourself painlessly"" I'm bombarded by short movies about recovery or obnoxious and selfish responses like ""I won't tell you that! Suicide is bad, life is perfect!""
We're all going to die anyway, it's inevitable, and that's a good thing.
It can't be a coincidence that all of these things happen to me every day, or that I stumbled upon everything that lead me to how I view death. I'd describe my life as torture, I'm forced to endure problem after problem just to have a breakdown, then a two day or longer resting period, and repeat. 
Ontop of that, I'm constantly blamed for things I didn't do. A few days ago I literally helped up a man (definitely older) who fell, he even thanked me. So I can't explain why I had the shit beaten out of my by a group of onlookers who apparently saw me PUSH HIM? And here I am, also getting in trouble for looking the other way as a result of many more of those scenarios. Even when I'm not involved at all I still get blamed.

I'm only 16, so I a lot of years of suffering to endure (assuming I don't get a painful life threatening disease, which I'll admit is very plausible out of sheer bad luck.)

My point is that if we're all going to die anyway, so what's the point of me sticking around if I know I'm going to be forced to suffer throughout my entire life?
I'm scared of these stupid, horribly bad coincidences that are stockpiling, fusing and ruining my chance at leading a fair life. It's NOT normal.


I'm sorry for any typos,
I know this might not even get seen, it might be too long and tedious to read, but it makes me feel more dedicated to do it once it's written down to someone.

But,
I feel like something above me is trying to make me kill myself.",6.570294117647059,6.023112691082805,6.908433870363433,78.43066504308732,65.40127388535032,9.999700262270514,31.209441738478827,9.402419484367199,2.5565466841513658,2502,80,494,41,34,814,301,628,0.171,0.77,0.058,-0.9961,1,0,4,0,0,4,78.0,2,4,0,7,29,38,9,2,28,0,38,24,9,8,10,74,77,34,9,6,14,0,4,3,1,4,15,0,0,1,38,18,0,0,14,1,0,8,13,30,0,7,14,13,62,8,79,54,25,78,0,7,8,0,20,28,1,12,42,328,100,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081875772539695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880059524069856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04149817831720663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432399114411606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692342429922497,0.15285661009984633,0.03719945397995927,0.0,0.05192663620949718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778352444071276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256647579291825,0.0,0.06594489252388867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677604712004854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666583999260028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340221214234233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076806662925966,0.0,0.0,0.06864339885634102,0.0,0.0,0.06805750673583655,0.1612221956688757,0.11039878010505527,0.3599054316983488,0.0,0.05484412671805797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256618130024034,0.08719062333706971,0.058592279048593474,0.0,0.055774515572652665,0.051906690177958216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941170665091525,0.05853945087285167,0.1040434491011701,0.10236749393902078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107926034015781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040902869945281216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060096008369203285,0.0,0.06532708531338183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27005453353068937,0.0,0.06707401029149114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017196878495341,0.0894392269319506,0.0,0.0,0.108008029595989,0.1024890028068975,0.0,0.0,0.05188012966314386,0.0,0.0,0.12220129166950935,0.06186840861599587,0.061306464067167735,0.06647265051613074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294729099534822,0.0,0.0,0.048708499605083895,0.0,0.044859408250126326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726656681287096,0.05979022582224744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498820149031027,0.08270241651671634,0.04641123982432488,0.2597338876764417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730612370536037,0.0,0.0,0.06208299602405596,0.0,0.11678279374073415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490616915398127,0.06104016934855416,0.0,0.039093316300957394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219064959795975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263990541747433,0.0,0.0,0.06106772603490838,0.0,0.05170514525957372,0.1409369740053838,0.0,0.06831098623041504,0.0,0.0,0.048733570094378544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674997455584472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053337364616648654,0.056182383179973455,0.0,0.0,0.16216562057739306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490836897503518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429316912039545,0.0,0.11922248864145416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070181337161427,0.0,0.04843773730324352,0.04894949553648432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506435744892691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04334945399929914,0.0,0.0,0.07859446678090666
suicidewatch,JTD783,2019/04/09,"So Tired It takes so much effort just to get through the day; life is exhausting.  And I don’t give a fuck about being alive anyway so I’m always having to put so much time and effort into something I despise despite constantly hearing about how “life is great, you should enjoy it’s blessings”.  Fuck that.  Existence is a curse.  I’m jealous of the dirt beneath my feet since it isn’t consciously existing.  

I don’t necessarily want to die but the work of being alive and its constant misery is agonizing.  I just want this shit to be over with.  I can’t even afford to sleep all day, although I do sometimes anyway, because I’m too fucking busy and can’t afford to waste any more time or I’ll be even further in debt.

Nothing is fun anymore, games, exercise, being with friends are all disappointments.  Maintaining relationships takes too much work.  School is a stress-inducing nightmare but I have to go through with it and get a job or I’ll be a failure.  I crave affection but I’m too lazy and socially anxious to gain any.   

Well that’s all I have for this rant.  I hope you’ll keep me in your prayers.  Not to be happier because that clearly won’t happen; God didn’t say a thing during the holocaust or my years of misery and he sure as hell won’t say anything now.  Pray, along with me, that I die in my sleep and finally get out of this god-forsaken existence.",3.2272318840579715,5.132870396296298,4.284557165861513,85.25311594202901,74.66666666666667,7.362318840579711,28.03542673107891,8.18289091462,1.911745571658615,1077,44,213,18,23,350,144,270,0.256,0.603,0.142,-0.991,4,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,3,0,5,18,17,7,0,10,0,28,12,4,2,5,37,48,21,3,4,9,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,0,13,15,0,1,1,2,1,2,9,9,1,0,1,3,19,8,31,36,7,19,3,1,0,3,12,8,5,4,9,139,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756064834663053,0.0,0.0,0.15946682466923892,0.0,0.0,0.1324581155033629,0.11627960681074125,0.0,0.0,0.09648602349653616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429479328048946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25340925892109445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123194644998533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433721203769882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488385666593354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844066390607806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905863680051853,0.32518472592558845,0.18377345492429906,0.11247602578140037,0.06663536862179062,0.0,0.0,0.12926755266077875,0.0,0.0,0.1036829967094286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214826322349935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645481735563636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635164530416325,0.10421639217595127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563302126448576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585747500350843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250367888463972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786773537600295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258816599775808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648238934271072,0.0,0.1186623543247734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035452180757893,0.09698967162939426,0.0,0.2346675626606967,0.11952069745648,0.0,0.09026408963198104,0.11596236332078705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430845412513034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050589428032627,0.0,0.17631347090225186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789509573866936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673779253553706,0.13476059865003842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831312040276655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542102683183488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071749036431072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550457973312077
suicidewatch,TROWAWAY6556,2019/04/09,hospitalized Can you actually be hospitalized agents your will? (Im in canada),5.0076923076923086,8.594265538461544,7.821923076923079,50.56057692307695,85.92307692307692,11.830769230769231,29.57692307692308,10.125756701596842,5.406415384615384,64,3,9,3,2,23,12,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.6703683043768558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7420285280815687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RickyTheRipper,2019/04/09,"I thought I was over these thoughts but they are back after 1 year and I'm in tears I had a horrible day at work, my back has been killing me and I've been bent over in a trailer at work picking up boxes, and my stubborn ass doesn't tell anyone but just works really slow and work through the pain, I'm socially retarded, I'm 27 but act like a teenager, I have terrible anxiety, and a stutter that gets worse based on my level on anxiety. I feel like I can't do my job anymore but I've been with this company for 5 years and get benefits and everything and would be stupid to just leave but even if I get moved to another area for a few months how long untill the back pain comes back?? I feel like I'm so close to being homeless and jobless I feel like such a small person in such a big world I'm scared of everything and my anxiety is in control 99% of the time. After this terrible day I'm now having suicidal thoughts again and thinking about blowing my brains out but I don't even have enough money to buy a gun right now, and I can't even tell anyone about these thoughts or they will stop me by sending me away and making it so i can never purchase a firearm so I will just continue to go about my life untill the day I am pushed to the edge and go somewhere beautiful to enjoy my final moments and end it. I have given so much thought into how I'm going to do it and to ensure no way of survival, I think i'm beyond help. I've been like this and had thoughts like this since I was a child... I have always felt neglected by my parents and treated like the red headed stepchild while my brother is the golden child and has always gotten everything he wants and never got in trouble for anything growing up. I am fucking 28 years old working a part time job loading trailers with no future aspects still living with my narciccist mother,her bf,and golden child, just living day to day till I finally decide to end it all which feels like is close..IDK why i even post this here idk what i expect to get as replies..oh don't kill urself idk u but u have evrything to live for.. no I don't",4.51272796934866,4.692661039080459,5.368735632183911,85.26704980842912,69.64367816091955,8.375478927203066,29.67432950191571,8.167268648758528,1.8735134099616848,1652,59,351,21,27,541,213,435,0.196,0.688,0.116,-0.9905,5,0,0,2,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,7,30,24,5,1,18,0,36,7,3,5,3,68,71,40,3,4,13,3,5,8,0,3,3,0,0,4,14,27,0,4,14,0,3,9,11,13,0,0,18,6,39,11,52,48,5,74,0,1,1,2,15,25,2,2,46,224,53,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160229004424955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766215911989147,0.16769795019582212,0.0,0.07246705876426973,0.10218625315258063,0.0,0.06013142395669253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865285761278005,0.224749165486751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157169641619534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294442351276251,0.0,0.0,0.0819556356244315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356246002848889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943890189070134,0.07550214859061187,0.0,0.19305152211110035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970152204759821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477881059067545,0.20880850157391131,0.07015987226424421,0.16009199539439412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755320584358833,0.1527068775294122,0.0,0.1245842492799351,0.0,0.05844176477443544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499219762471905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897812778748384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502390829889522,0.0,0.16168505376945266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737191760942919,0.0,0.0,0.05161239453111163,0.2855914278058923,0.0,0.19356979374589325,0.06466576896319931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877563593289538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832478555137738,0.07766318925405973,0.053715786512898905,0.0,0.11271412654458687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667599935217158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550595298538872,0.0,0.08113699094692661,0.07912905785333099,0.0,0.0,0.06380300897998281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069982071869558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046811322628125485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240245995221405,0.0,0.0,0.07315708235694303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060445304437039764,0.0,0.0,0.07448695126930162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835480558738,0.06109084837466702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992810255077523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773501045460084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364223059182616,0.0,0.3480625274697715,0.08521688298359424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043099324546266506,0.05800056794421895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593544998864721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659837512706561,0.0,0.07446586037137648,0.05190772922133958,0.0,0.0,0.1411664942778113
suicidewatch,MrEvan312,2019/04/09,"I cannot die nor live. I am stuck in this limbo of seemingly-eternal suffering and no desire to end it. I see no end to this pain in the future no matter how far I look or whatever options I weigh.

The only thing I'm more afraid of than living is being dead.",2.4755357142857157,3.190284053571432,4.830714285714286,85.36428571428574,74.53571428571428,7.742857142857144,22.92857142857143,8.07648339933343,1.0911571428571434,201,5,44,3,4,71,43,56,0.277,0.589,0.135,-0.8804,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,6,8,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,7,6,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,2,3,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31542432042609875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383715297697247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367395450876326,0.0,0.255218960876924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311473051072898,0.3233957356488393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218745830794344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191308355152807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pointrisk,2019/04/09,"suicide hotline didn't pick up i've been crying for a few hours. i just have so much shit piled up inside and i feel like nothing's gonna get better, i feel like i'm an ugly piece of shit and no one believes that i do. i dropped out of my classes and i've been telling people for 2 years i'm gonna go back to school but i haven't. i don't have a future. my family ignores me, they forgot my birthday a few days ago. 

i just feel like a waste of space and if i don't kill myself any time soon i will in the future, probably before i turn 30.

can someone talk to me about anything, please.",0.9196599583622458,2.182035511450384,2.9263011797362966,95.29383761276891,79.38167938931298,5.374323386537127,21.06939625260236,5.565023196281405,-0.14609007633587812,456,12,110,2,11,154,83,131,0.156,0.711,0.132,-0.255,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,3,0,6,0,11,2,2,1,0,15,22,7,2,1,4,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,3,18,4,12,15,4,16,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,12,65,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500390917446651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510284529536195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928684989773635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015076484942628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440280951285049,0.19069845791585008,0.0,0.1496970288241036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859245516458592,0.109158926140623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956359850680696,0.0,0.256749362932064,0.362758893382978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843154930153586,0.0,0.09619456011094583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668735435360202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872615043285257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480761787226821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244258359580769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240987519099598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469519675191568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734381799561515,0.0,0.0,0.18579704139199013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824912899755481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713005152081957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474866432676211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341374916014726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851433558370212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360450615385004,0.14794101035000995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986970739079578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410666144242616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899811892710462
suicidewatch,MaleficentTeach,2019/04/09,"Been feeling down with the thought and may possibly commit to it by the end of the week. I am extremely alone and waste my days talking to people who could care less about me and forget my existence in an instant. I don't have a support system and have had insomnia for months now, thinking about everything that went wrong in my life and everyone who left. I no longer want to allow people in because they'll only be left disappointed with my negative energy. I look back on the letters I wrote for people I cherished dearly several months ago and realize they're no longer around. I like to help people but I can't even help myself.",6.8466898954703845,6.8474333902439035,7.092125435540072,75.51219512195124,64.6910569105691,10.605807200929151,33.01858304297329,10.290406445055957,3.3244875725900123,509,19,93,11,7,165,85,123,0.129,0.71,0.16,0.4391,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,21,20,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,2,15,5,18,11,1,18,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,1,9,67,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722869945283928,0.0,0.0,0.17201907480839015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147855248601425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771290214274894,0.0,0.10124687822462904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169339750419059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326092922635413,0.0,0.0,0.1071142629728956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710637767957832,0.0,0.0,0.10970083069490692,0.0,0.0,0.15870604337191038,0.14927091731375516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398005779756368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265315478118533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609143844439928,0.0,0.117314227669395,0.08114314905950562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947370829883587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26514279111070554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631887417699728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605833722780953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724143780752575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763434247820945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884768814939076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349679236516104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064237191368582,0.0,0.13185685002517544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796414249236254,0.0,0.1332273214657781,0.0,0.0,0.15396702679392096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815932625084315,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway6028482,2019/04/09,"I am not OK Posted in r/trueoffmychest, but I saw in their info section this subreddit and thought I should probably post here as well.

I have been holding in my suicidal thoughts for a long time, but lately I have been cracking and people keep asking me if I am ok. I always tell them I am fine and not to worry about me. I am in debt for the first time in my life and am barely scraping by for rent each month. I am truly worried that one night I might snap and kill myself. Every night I think about it. I used to be afraid of monsters or being killed in some accident, now I feel as if I don't care if something comes from the shadows and kill me. Before I was in debt I did see a therapist, it didn't seem to help at all mostly because I was just as evasive with my true feelings and thoughts as I am on my day to day life. 

Sorry for bad grammar and spelling. I probably made plenty of mistakes.",5.532287234042556,4.549742547872345,6.3037021276595775,83.35300000000002,67.67021276595744,9.009361702127661,31.56595744680851,7.908726449838941,2.0181472340425533,701,24,151,7,10,232,113,188,0.26,0.6559999999999999,0.084,-0.9919,3,0,1,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,2,1,6,12,3,1,4,2,20,3,0,2,2,39,35,18,4,5,9,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,4,11,0,2,8,0,3,1,4,6,1,2,11,4,30,6,28,20,5,24,0,0,2,0,5,10,0,8,11,113,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675868570853156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994633542506568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712795842730972,0.07821254619372925,0.0,0.10917672166393233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081384121988082,0.0,0.0,0.11052199632849748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549012448932826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810112665035412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974808241043062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913478476039706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599904737243967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140419343920208,0.4258460222959335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473179487729654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124893550628474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354444891343025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140375514710396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361096046736163,0.0,0.0,0.1024105293976156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408080508182157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694168704238864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889494049397791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457583327825598,0.0,0.276665476329128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224117793998494,0.1168025733583662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877420598466333,0.0,0.14362512334089345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034306716415346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214280446639988,0.0,0.0,0.14897010671412628,0.0,0.08221162168213099,0.0,0.30557564305360435,0.14962945885633785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081292077503313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536014224324527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605966094888813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,No_Chill_Bill,2019/04/09,"Alcohol, my only true friend Just tryna drink myself into nothing 

Really everyone is a fake fuck that only wants to deal with you when you have money & or look good

Can’t get a job
Disabled (but not enough to get social security)
Ugly as shit

Oh yes and also Heart failure

Fuck all this life shit.....",2.4863276836158192,4.909041050847456,4.245000000000001,82.14230225988702,79.16949152542372,6.6451977401129945,20.002824858757066,7.793537801064563,1.016760451977401,238,6,43,4,6,80,52,59,0.263,0.589,0.14800000000000002,-0.8739,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,9,4,0,2,1,3,8,3,0,2,10,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,4,5,9,2,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,4,1,1,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118097054617133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580256356527589,0.0,0.21410627430513607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037233526057748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357888194323966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418006541532616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888212268666774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526700878629073,0.3653675622649478,0.2064822049792802,0.0,0.0,0.1657427355148603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23416434126989635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960936982324275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957512850057285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593946996030054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960851305171084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005768941340721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659161487196485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056799234518263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143467261069864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655327787992628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angelandropr,2019/04/09,"I feel like it's not worth it anymore I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I want to do everything in my mind, everything I have ""planned"", but I just can't do it. My body doesn't answer the way I want it to and I end up wasting every single opportunity I got in front of me. I end up getting carried away by life whenever it takes me and it's so difficult dealing with everything. I'm so tired. Tired of letting everyone down. I don't know what to do anymore. The only thing lurking in my mind right now is my desire to end my life and stop being luggage for people close to me. I want to continue with my suicide plan that I have been creating for years now.",1.9140407673860944,3.5568611654676268,4.123183453237413,86.13259292565952,77.63309352517986,7.511031175059952,27.41067146282973,8.344100000000001,1.8953304556354924,518,22,111,10,12,179,75,139,0.195,0.6890000000000001,0.117,-0.9503,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,2,0,13,5,1,0,0,20,24,6,1,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,4,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,21,3,21,19,1,20,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,10,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663732904171209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617655449727566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491738127480213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845442219467782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35684213067860593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315110634111215,0.2566532852471321,0.3620927455545997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580930676017086,0.19188376270466065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701646964332328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074096661725238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380617881734139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746557852874688,0.1897160391493276,0.1312215674901377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712035921482297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021390028931424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310470565097133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468899711843696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227839637364276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689923971182733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097471232753977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922103165105179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087095412991698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23763574284468386,0.10659879394043376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648293495612064
suicidewatch,MissAnthropick,2019/04/09,"The suicide hotline hung up on me Wow. I don't see a reason to go on anymore. The older I get, the more pathetic it all is. People will say, ""reach out"" then in the next breath smugly call you entitled and remind you that ""no one owes you anything"". So what the fuck am I supposed to do then?",0.7946448087431683,2.687773737704924,2.8831967213114744,92.4994398907104,82.11475409836065,5.3781420765027335,21.642076502732237,6.42735559955562,0.3209322404371582,222,7,49,2,6,75,49,61,0.205,0.679,0.116,-0.8503,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,6,0,5,2,1,1,1,4,10,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,7,1,7,9,2,10,0,0,1,1,5,5,1,0,4,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176751202307271,0.0,0.0,0.2635991809357881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270863978833133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961341767456131,0.16735595630084282,0.0,0.18204738835245815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406679783543715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705968613168689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207217934953846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293461998766269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25473432994910394,0.0,0.0,0.2552565834450291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503822291205044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Molybdenium42,2019/04/09,"I am killing myself slowly For reference I am 17 so I know, got my whole life ahead of me, but to be honest? I don’t see it. 

Everyday I wake up and hate seeing the person below me, that person in the mirror just isn’t me, but it is and it’s hell.

Everyday I consider it. I consider it everytime I drive on single lane roads ...”just one quick turn would do it” . I consider it so often I get nervous around knives because I am genuinely scared I will do harm to myself if I’m not consciously fighting the urge.

But everyday goes the same, I resist the thoughts, not because of some unbreakable will to live somewhere down there, but instead because I’m too scared. I’m too scared of the knife. I’m too scared of the oncoming car. I’m too scared of the rope.

So instead I slow burn it (& myself) and just slowly kill myself. I don’t eat. I don’t exercise. I forget or willfully ignore needs, I still shower thankfully, and brush so other people don’t have to suffer with me. I don’t sleep either, it’s getting so bad I haven’t dreamt in a year and reality and dream are blurring together. I don’t really enjoy anything anymore, I push what little friends I have away, I don’t really enjoy movies, games, tv, fuck even masturbation is a fucking disgusting chore.  

There are no breaks in my life anymore, I don’t have relaxing moments anymore because I just can’t feel relaxed. There is no definitive end to a day beginning of the next. My life is a blur and I hate it. 

I hate my parents for shit they haven’t even done yet so home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Work is work and nobody really cares. School is just a mask ain’t me socializing so fuck why do I care.

Truth is I see what all this is: it’s literally a chemical imbalance warping my perception of the people around me but fuck I am fighting a giant of suicidal thoughts and tendencies and I’m afraid.

I’m  so  fucking  scared",1.2079706513958468,3.638091041994752,3.3035808876163237,86.80035343593418,84.77427821522309,6.823216416129802,23.3572536387497,8.00094639256281,1.546710761154856,1481,56,298,32,44,501,176,381,0.256,0.626,0.118,-0.997,2,0,0,0,4,3,47.0,0,0,1,3,31,38,15,8,17,0,40,13,3,0,2,47,72,25,3,3,15,1,2,1,1,4,4,0,4,2,16,13,1,1,8,6,0,3,18,27,0,1,4,6,47,11,27,63,6,31,1,1,3,5,9,13,7,6,15,203,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865663325457365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169379747918515,0.0,0.0,0.06574687884111066,0.14224719669425284,0.0,0.0,0.0750640981795859,0.0,0.06670909060297885,0.1948133020332843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629168055504755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152574486868285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176044996968204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175265681476655,0.0,0.0,0.07076336497588613,0.0,0.0,0.1055399506543521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079474968201861,0.05707709193724263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172677395194955,0.3693087696647411,0.08348380858535408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389942853594849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23663968009617986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028264552541555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678423262111248,0.0,0.04390827024147826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692968647664425,0.0390327215091752,0.08007590259135887,0.07054885748188224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924122146319119,0.0,0.0,0.0849693698531143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413900314381437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871407930006546,0.0,0.0,0.11077843730654192,0.13952267966001974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354858515109052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799337364990931,0.08085813001788701,0.1909982072657992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201119578263869,0.0,0.0,0.07995282244555067,0.08144301661430102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380434854683044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739229721535327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355669514185882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685560680755542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690295151755953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209292174520697,0.08920005176995255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163292023890254,0.0,0.0,0.056755203177801285,0.0,0.0,0.05144983983966015
suicidewatch,derisnoone,2019/04/09,What is death really? Do we have an option of committing suicide or is it freewill lacking world where I am destined to kill myself. I am usually occupied by thoughts of this nature. Should I be worried?,3.399473684210527,6.151478684210532,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,77.94736842105263,8.010526315789475,33.1842105263158,8.841846274778883,3.4986631578947383,162,9,27,4,4,53,33,38,0.327,0.605,0.069,-0.9367,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,7,9,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463176993264682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268199529395642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579379151471528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323633429787744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461086612375441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251619636621289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sentient-Jello,2019/04/09,"Is it really enough to just exist? I’ve grappled with my mental health for over a decade, none of this is new to me. I’ve been hospitalized twice, seen 3 therapists long-term, several others for single visits, 4 psychiatrists, been on 3 kinds of medications, and yet I still can’t figure out how to function in this world. I tried to kill myself a few months ago, and got a while afterwards I really was getting better, but like always, I just crash back down again and ruin everything. 

I have always hated being in school, and I was forced to leave college a year ago, and I got a shitty job at a cafe. I spent those months doing drugs every weekend and not accomplishing any of the things I said I would if I didn’t have school. I became so depressed that one day I didn’t have any clean pants to wear, so I just didn’t go to work and never went back. I decided to try to go back to school. A month after getting back full time I tried to kill myself. I got treatment, dropped some classes, made it to this semester. I was really doing it for about a month: going to class, going to work, seeing friends, working out. Then suddenly I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t get out of bed again, couldn’t do any work. And now it’s too late. I’ve flunked out and can’t continue my degree. 

I feel crushed. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. My parents have sunk thousands of dollars into my education and I’ve just wasted it. My boyfriend has ambitious plans of buying houses, retiring early, but I will never make any money, and I just feel like a burden to him, a burden to my family. 

I see things posted all around like “it’s okay if all you did today was survive” but is it? I can already feel the rage and resentment of the “why couldn’t you just do it?? Everyone has to work. Everyone just wants to sleep all the time but they don’t!”. I know. But how am I supposed to do all these things when I don’t want any of it. I don’t even want to be alive, how can I want to succeed enough to graduate from college or find a good job? I just don’t want to participate in this world. I am so tired of trying. I don’t believe I’ll get better, and I don’t even really want to die, I just feel like I should want to die for being a failure. Like it would be more honorable to be in agony and kill myself than it would be to just be at peace. I feel like if it wasn’t for all the lofty expectations other people place on me I would be okay. I really don’t want much. Why is it my job to make someone else happy or proud? I do not want friends or money or fame—all I want is to be left alone, and yet somehow that is the most shameful choice I can make. I just feel paralyzed.",2.877448236532725,3.8976370773381364,4.342665379891212,88.08140112300406,73.91007194244605,7.510721179154237,23.093349710475522,7.933642134475585,0.9443735392174064,2069,53,458,29,41,690,232,556,0.17600000000000002,0.677,0.147,-0.9874,4,1,1,0,0,5,65.0,0,2,1,14,34,30,6,1,18,2,65,6,2,7,7,96,108,36,5,23,25,1,6,6,2,6,4,1,2,0,28,22,0,0,12,1,5,7,23,12,0,3,21,10,60,18,65,68,15,64,0,3,3,0,9,21,0,10,40,319,88,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002053338603088,0.0,0.0,0.06427289799246289,0.06848204081509278,0.0,0.10327369262988864,0.0,0.0,0.2110062832024541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524436939098176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087367702414668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699175988465066,0.0,0.10976970578814188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040021980732447074,0.0,0.053450070037274984,0.0,0.12881186205936787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196704681695464,0.0,0.051841113336219616,0.0,0.0,0.12824405993679325,0.0,0.08197684249605433,0.0,0.05228615570030929,0.11859728170021132,0.05577331730469463,0.0,0.05850232766867435,0.0,0.18826894729795446,0.13300176132911254,0.0,0.0,0.05671946917015911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589100610101252,0.0,0.12969001757042434,0.0,0.17634365632943758,0.052050921974727535,0.14889925633473813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054877279490143434,0.06606140747175385,0.0,0.06126897496567816,0.0,0.0659642652618732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160607152519091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474760455821093,0.0,0.2059724270787665,0.06462338037734623,0.06821040433585658,0.0,0.0700036104731455,0.06570997663344677,0.06742570101955303,0.0,0.0,0.18190908240024234,0.0,0.0,0.05491897188079844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872034678005746,0.12427167361720408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251644483482327,0.06253940630073503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981349520159619,0.0,0.045619433841971216,0.0,0.09572520431626937,0.0599355608207428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042051796557580144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890755643596701,0.0,0.0,0.043022885886970695,0.0,0.06483692317186555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059433970998651275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987782525697671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059030933527460576,0.0,0.0,0.1884166369579917,0.09890365279991407,0.0,0.0,0.07010735854391767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062102359268666474,0.0,0.05258115399799088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049559233247293416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720535894092921,0.12368482033005455,0.0,0.0,0.049266756496136106,0.0723725036504037,0.07132601555781133,0.0588232936692281,0.0,0.0,0.16853198996239105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36603146158902666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752796321193685,0.11199455854101252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258931485852348,0.0,0.0,0.17633558942909444,0.0,0.0,0.03996302244631682
suicidewatch,cats_and_cats_only,2019/04/09,"I'm giving up... (I posted this earlier on a seperate account but changed it to this one as I don't want family members seeing it)

I'm running out of places to turn so maybe here is where I'll find the right advice. 

I've been suffering from depression along side other mental health issues since I was around 13 but all of a sudden they've got worse... the worst part of it all is that I believe I'm a horrible and selfish person for feeling this way because, as people around me keep reminding me, my life ""isn't so bad"". 

I'm quite young and I've been seeing my partner for almost 2 years. Great right? Not entirely. We fight almost every day and I haven't left our flat since we got together because of how it makes him feel (he also suffers with mental health) he tries to help and I try to help him but I feel trapped in this flat (I dont call it my home as it doesn't feel like it). He has access to all my accounts including banks and relies on marijuana (I hate the stuff) being here is driving me mad and I feel like the relationship will never progress yet I cant leave because I fucking adore the man that I have wanted since I was 12. 

I became a mother when I was 17 and I have a beautiful, happy, healthy little girl who is my ray of personal sunshine and, in all honesty, the only reason I haven't done myself in. Yet I cant seem to provide anything for her and don't see a future in which i can. My parents have pretty much taken on the parent role for her and I HATE that. I'm her mum.  I try my hardest but due to how low I've been recently I've even had my parents suggest that I let her dad take custody of her! (My partner is not her dad) I cried my heart out at this and then my mum has the balls to ask me whats wrong.

That brings me to my parents. Any relationship I did have with them seems to have disintegrated to the point of no return. I'm pretty sure the only reason they tolerate me is for my daughter... I feel like they hate me and want nothing to do with me. I've even had them tell me that if I die in a ditch they wouldn't come to my funeral. 

My little sister is my best, and only, friend. I try and talk to her as much as possible but she's just hit that teenage phase where her friends and boyfriend are more important and though I'm happy that she has such a good social life its tearing me apart that my only friend now doesn't seem to care. I think that's also partly down to my parents... they argue a lot (apparently solely because of me) and she gets the backlash... I have no clue what they tell people or her about me but I have to assume it's bad. I put my sister through so much growing up and I'm now grasping at straws trying to fix it, buying her gifts of art, games, figurines, movies, anything she could possibly want. I'm trying to buy my best friend/sister back so I'm not alone in this fucking world. My older sister has nothing to do with me and its tearing me apart that despite the different lifestyles we've led (not going into details but she has made some questionable and downright terrible choices in her life) she is in the position I want to be in, parents who would give her anything and love her unconditionally  (she's my half sister on my dad's side), talent, a family and a fiance.

As for the ""friends"" I apparently have... they aren't. They're my partners friends and all basically just sit around doing drugs (not just marijuana) I dont want that around me and I certainly don't want it near my daughter. They all berate me and tell me how terrible I am at every oppurtunity. How much of a slut I am, how ugly I am, how fat I am (despite them knowing about my history with bulimia and anorexia and how I have tendencies to stop eating if I'm feeling self conscious), how stupid I am, how large my forehead is (I got ran over when I was 5 and as a result have permanent swelling) and anything else they can think of to hurt me. 

I was kicked out of college due to needing help from the on site support person (forgot the term but the person you go to with major issues) because one of the 2 guys who sexually assulted me attended the same college. I reported him and they said they'd get me help and call the police... I got kicked out for missing too much class and she never got me any help OR called the police... 

I'm lost, scared and alone and the only reason I'm still holding on is for my little sister and daughter though even then it's a constant struggle. I wrote my suicide note 2 nights ago... no one has found it. I started cutting again after being completely clean for a long time and now there's more wound than arm. Only my partner knows and he just lectures me and belittles me for them... I've sat and thought of ways to do it and I've attempted it before. The last serious attempt was when my daughter was 3 months old and they almost took her away from me fearing I'd be a danger to her. I've never nor will I ever hurt my personal sunshine... if I did try and fail then they'd take her off me for good, my family would abandon me (as they've already told me they will if I loose her) and I'd have nothing to go on for... I have had times where I've tried to drown myself or my partner has had to snatch pills out of my hand but nothing dire ever really happened... 

I dont know what I'm expecting to come from this... I see my local mental practitioner and he's put me on meds. They aren't working. I have reached out to a sexual abuse team. They haven't replied. I'm even trying to contact organisations to help me with the self harm and suicidal thoughts. Again no one replies. I'm stuck and I've tried everything. I have nothing and no one. The only things in this world who truly support me are my sister, daughter and my 2 cats (they meow at me if they see me self harm and if I'm having a breakdown come to calm me down. They're the best)  I feel this way yet I also feel hollow and numb... I'm suffering from insomnia but when I do sleep I sleep for hours... I think it's my body's way of being almost dead and staying at peace for as long as possible.

I'm scared and just need advice/a friend... anything

Because I really can't take this life much longer...

Sorry for the long rambling post...",2.5871321530553963,4.064820381176471,4.073277746049879,87.90691490576816,75.38431372549019,6.8024367028364745,24.849229011993145,7.452767907547628,1.0812969731581958,4826,159,1024,59,103,1603,446,1275,0.168,0.711,0.121,-0.9967,9,3,1,0,2,1,157.0,3,1,21,11,57,66,11,4,45,0,95,24,8,16,13,187,196,107,6,20,29,23,10,3,11,6,12,1,2,16,50,76,2,5,29,4,5,16,32,38,0,6,36,18,190,28,136,144,25,134,0,11,7,4,138,62,2,20,51,682,240,8,0.0,0.04395355390656207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03625049105682749,0.032884009084757665,0.0,0.14858804889149305,0.07684204016979274,0.040937159328336505,0.08899871452724482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050454091215314516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263722221203396,0.1320958035031966,0.034680430881876306,0.0,0.034853594987140635,0.02852509225382505,0.06194843293192336,0.13568291816943767,0.0,0.03156658130619816,0.04179530647403472,0.11679217495041982,0.0,0.0,0.041206099444721735,0.0,0.0,0.1136397139452662,0.0,0.0378225842643857,0.0,0.03924341698811155,0.09586663338269333,0.03889521114908582,0.04008838167728462,0.0,0.02961871691948495,0.0,0.04074901130304477,0.023924319170095687,0.0,0.03195135552596493,0.0,0.03850054450583697,0.038758182768128084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037962830145405635,0.13043125887408746,0.0,0.043020424433470254,0.03795921164506148,0.030989554212225733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800814994857207,0.06711222452830368,0.0625111828179641,0.0,0.03334014508908964,0.0,0.10491447452555708,0.04174412996700479,0.16881497251793254,0.07950572485391387,0.0,0.0,0.033905735267248965,0.0,0.0,0.04067464502121998,0.20062586801827212,0.06859065036550127,0.03876301618193845,0.07117311925011978,0.06324877240611032,0.06222994702566227,0.14834820214408198,0.04089927109701527,0.0,0.03673159082664857,0.03280451206265079,0.0789803087331279,0.0,0.10987600954355828,0.0,0.07886416949206386,0.0,0.04395979862181725,0.1491909198094853,0.0,0.037211040604558425,0.0,0.03653280229265962,0.0,0.07942562432590815,0.0,0.0,0.07743868729209565,0.0,0.03297327433391059,0.0,0.0,0.06116217091909031,0.030238782716356907,0.0,0.03928007621980557,0.0403057010657004,0.03793391545451967,0.10481005789737192,0.054370759113307576,0.11154199456863484,0.0,0.09848830475582984,0.0,0.0,0.040495458331387776,0.03153830963709158,0.03348124333790404,0.03510181886139993,0.024762352495708708,0.0,0.03726864714987679,0.0,0.041206099444721735,0.0,0.11215432292440626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029610252566400364,0.0,0.16362217096010054,0.05501350417830221,0.08583384550586516,0.0,0.0,0.03481276411073778,0.0,0.17797654428366558,0.0,0.03892677332862193,0.0,0.1256885071787356,0.19749612100189226,0.0,0.0,0.24714914303113114,0.08034427786500807,0.0,0.051436397436672186,0.16195715016640866,0.038758182768128084,0.0,0.035068396550623354,0.12546295317669512,0.07105681756351209,0.07548141319299669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458491111663255,0.04155682281913276,0.03945693415623697,0.0,0.0,0.04753022485663694,0.11442483755100145,0.03662854129103208,0.07965600077655803,0.0,0.06336080218664793,0.035287481248390436,0.0,0.07428058809412556,0.0,0.14780643744820446,0.10131439758851356,0.11609992634247553,0.0,0.0,0.09206038465021534,0.0,0.07424703311372981,0.03781544019638648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152674731806702,0.026257253418242987,0.039540173767950514,0.0296254930999006,0.031014523804397263,0.0,0.038781552311561884,0.042466875664364835,0.08115559384600986,0.08419384951909828,0.034963224993122925,0.0,0.0836763630476951,0.029816942954985156,0.09727252021700404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0246454162097742,0.07131025187214582,0.07289468938856405,0.05890131299440447,0.0432627982119691,0.0,0.0,0.03544751119478288,0.04121582726846094,0.25186241687950284,0.04035058501780362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531642699127336,0.11778261674430998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027006858162367454,0.0,0.0378047327962904,0.05270489922464491,0.04055944606079236,0.0,0.02388907511597124
suicidewatch,CrispEnt,2019/04/09,"Rational Suicide Everyone has it rough sometimes, there's good & bad in everything, Not a emotionally charged reaction etc..

At the end of the day I'm a broken person, I think everyone is to some extent but I've tried the mental health system, been through the family help until they don't even reply to your texts, different perspectives to change the way I view these issues & it hasn't helped.

 Possibly poor parenting strategies on my parents behalf that messed me up, but ultimately I'm sure it's a culmination of everything good & bad that lead me to here. I've contemplated suicide on/off for 10 years now? Wow happy anniversary me, and can say it doesn't get better UNLESS you fucking try. 

And try I did, I can see a small improvement in where I was 10 years ago but progress is extremely slow & I am out on my ass out of funds & favours to beg for now so now's as good a time as any. I also feel content in that I got the opportunity to have a understanding relationship, so so many chances to get my shit together but really owe my supportive family & friends.

Thinking a pipe on the exhaust into the window?
Cheers for any advice or tips 👍",5.911371932032727,6.385979951541853,6.848108873505349,74.8444603524229,66.66519823788546,10.89100062932662,32.51384518565136,10.7630783206399,3.5314030207677782,927,37,177,25,14,310,142,227,0.136,0.639,0.225,0.9758,4,0,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,2,1,4,11,18,2,0,15,0,13,5,2,1,1,19,26,15,2,0,7,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,8,5,0,0,4,0,3,1,4,6,0,0,4,5,18,12,29,22,3,27,0,0,2,2,11,13,3,2,11,104,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922885272463385,0.08371794918943358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755259680727348,0.0,0.6139731786129196,0.0,0.12844884678980972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577117846912313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352708688901463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990808544549727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090786958218671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867274903414774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623557202237524,0.0836483939462189,0.0,0.10532881936148998,0.062378657179517474,0.0,0.0,0.18048851242242506,0.1697584114724325,0.0,0.17806475735015934,0.0,0.04775317745623505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296636481774689,0.0873109566319711,0.09868505420930886,0.0,0.0,0.2376427185198516,0.07553462971884836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053624326102308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038840637384126,0.0,0.0,0.12660619545042712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857387022528667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575029629855247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517624897621232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973536960535288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246391389535028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064702006795091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060502552156188966,0.0,0.0,0.10139635055532817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510479972045278,0.0,0.0,0.07525877874723963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694429900506216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340646162906452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066104490035489,0.1071727050971077,0.08901133331792381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210304179057696,0.0,0.0,0.05507042546374237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923616274831249,0.0,0.0,0.09831840921783397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496439301685696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163628659672478
suicidewatch,doggov,2019/04/09,Actual information Everyone's always talking about how easy it is to find information on how to commit suicide on the internet. But there really isn't. Some of the old websites have been taken down too. It's really annoying.,4.717682926829267,7.556845097560978,7.11481707317073,62.30929878048782,73.63414634146342,11.904878048780489,29.76219512195122,11.20814326018867,4.991726829268291,183,8,27,8,4,65,32,41,0.161,0.73,0.109,-0.5256,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,8,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,21,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.34548614185478804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945846728390341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382946860868259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235806882392682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714991580429303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536065285135946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872557651997663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845591415881992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fernandito_chiquito,2019/04/09,"Feeling sad af rn fr feeling sad af rn. I wanna kill myself. no one likes me and everyone thinks I'm retarded. people would only mourn if I died because that's obligatory when someone passes, but I am a piece of shit whose absence will contribute to the better of society. I always doubt myself, I have no accomplishments, and there's no one in this world that has anything good to say about me and it's all my fault. I am so fucking stupid. I have no reason to live and I'm just taking up space. literally anyone else on the street is so much better than me even a fuckin homeless guy. My family would mourn but they'd honestly probably be better off without me. Workin out boosting your morale is bullshit because here I am sitting in my 7th month of working out and I feel like total shit. people have told me countless times how retarded I am and I never acknowledge it because I think they're just messing around but I actually am, and all that i've ever made in this world is a nuisance. I was gonna hang myself a few months ago but then I decided not to because I was too much of a pussy. I should have done it so that then I wouldn't be harming others anymore like I am every day now. and I'm so fucking stupid that I'm not even aware of it. I'm such a pussy I'd probably need a gun because any other method is too painful for me. at first I didn't want to because I would literally destroy my head, but there's no purpose since no one even cares about me. All my life I thought it was everyone else but it's me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it because it happens underneath my nose and I can't even notice.",2.31188785429244,4.0384177002967405,3.9284191138851945,87.59548961424333,76.74480712166172,6.784774378389442,25.864013097308913,7.6298220110432995,1.3483947406118904,1283,48,268,18,29,428,170,337,0.23,0.66,0.11,-0.9928,0,0,1,1,0,2,23.0,0,1,1,6,24,27,9,1,9,0,32,9,4,3,6,52,53,25,4,9,12,0,3,3,0,7,2,1,0,1,18,13,0,1,9,0,0,2,13,18,0,4,8,5,43,9,28,35,8,31,1,4,0,3,6,15,5,2,16,190,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.09455884697281997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589457267225617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062721951733882,0.0,0.0,0.06589422526517971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609716153596347,0.06775360448877572,0.09928384737537717,0.07973911539794529,0.08626010718812123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134784970781545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570962441515177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879436246280772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062491442764579186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005652263826583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916069127594612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618923355423019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25600188032222243,0.08765013767155204,0.08164106939556695,0.1851811206184217,0.0,0.0,0.09134717458243323,0.0,0.1469842062924097,0.06922422631744869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242171762845964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916199290881815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127376886147385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594463647954546,0.0856869227252869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994456992179286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720370741536754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844219565538061,0.142018970614761,0.0,0.08556305009605188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168759573529076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546867344765106,0.0,0.1424629259579249,0.07184892542176281,0.07473400887687695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297661472801524,0.11031945469572896,0.0,0.0,0.19698256230446226,0.07369558895919755,0.10310671454496027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435428041136152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894569790563725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099627679208284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705748576122429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989296015173346,0.08015534621698588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210168800808533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101138951597672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285552711679351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417714632303448,0.0,0.07692649482684674,0.05650222811101197,0.0,0.0,0.09259056030921084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715317861162578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340658627411157,0.0,0.07054317906000182,0.0,0.0,0.20650149978520613,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,muvavenus,2019/04/09,"I’m completely alone I’ve been working so hard on my mental health, I really have. I stayed at a treatment facility for a month, took their pills, filled out their prescriptions, threw out my razors and belts, and even threw out my medication when the thoughts got too overbearing, hell, I even called the suicide prevention hotline number after calling out of work last minute on Friday because I couldn’t handle anything. I talked to the operator for 4 hours, and it helped for 5 seconds. Here I am now, wide awake, in bed, with two feet of space separating me from my partner, a stranger to me now, the 1,000th night beside him, and every night I’m next to him I feel him inching further and further from me in his dreams. I haven’t got friends, I tried using bumble to meet girls in the area but all anyone my age wants to do is get blackout drunk, and my failing health can not withstand that lifestyle. I am estranged from my family and have absolutely nobody to comfort me when it gets bad. I hate my job. I hate my trauma. My PTSD. My inability to voice my emotions to my partner, not like he’d actually care, seeing as he told me the other night that he’s losing passion for me. I don’t even know what the purpose of any of this was, I just feel so fucking empty and worthless and I wish I hadn’t thrown away all of my medication, belts and razors. I’m too tired to fix myself. I’m too tired to keep suffering. So what is it I’m supposed to do, when I’ve tried everything already? Moving to another state didn’t help, therapy didn’t help, medication didn’t help, new job, hobbies, meditation, religion, positivity, love, kindness, nothing helps. Am I hopeless? Can I actually be saved?",5.1948198447893565,6.146393942073171,5.945886917960093,78.98824833702885,68.42073170731706,8.768514412416852,31.677383592017737,8.97023862654752,2.6072817073170733,1335,55,255,23,22,437,183,328,0.175,0.685,0.141,-0.9126,2,1,0,0,0,2,49.0,0,0,2,4,16,19,4,0,10,0,22,13,1,1,2,32,49,18,1,3,4,0,3,1,3,0,8,1,1,3,9,15,1,2,4,2,0,5,9,11,0,2,13,5,46,8,38,33,2,39,1,5,1,3,24,17,2,0,16,157,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.1893533742629562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048257137141514,0.10706303541299274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597634329229712,0.10173302933984303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783803969244223,0.0,0.07983848706236983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115267731328383,0.0,0.08100693083727246,0.05914196828852526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813478215659072,0.0,0.09891748096223796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172272421862792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913347600654104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224068427439656,0.0,0.0817428112936398,0.0,0.08719454874038443,0.0,0.09146101232358993,0.0,0.0981115862972619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495674822031294,0.08969263316713229,0.10137699445424436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519014098872064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691009447245136,0.1915726330113248,0.0,0.20625362164053693,0.0,0.0,0.32514942806912445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554431156847486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255305570003864,0.08623507091392621,0.0,0.10103050638529287,0.05331918301516868,0.07908354946763882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739865201434899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853960304039686,0.0,0.0,0.08756356327528086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932097350304129,0.09777247570004484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743975329792385,0.103115993643329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370169162999807,0.10318095786888892,0.2731376767194611,0.0,0.09309248309339617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341018482142813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215294649781958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731169483385084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340949625744324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061231941890444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798031108834341,0.0,0.0,0.11094984384972556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702236137604458,0.0,0.22301846261131397,0.0,0.09270594756980446,0.10779183623922292,0.13173925743746956,0.0,0.0947736040199758,0.0,0.0,0.08379338821424685,0.0,0.0,0.05722440346102931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156722492816716,0.0,0.0,0.14126218131748974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tolivehuozhe4268,2019/04/09,"Reasons to Live  I'm writing this post as some kind of reminder to myself. In no particular order: 

* Food:  Living solely for food is probably unhealthy, especially considering that I tend to binge eat. But honestly, there is so much good food in this world. I want to eat the bacon egg and cheese bagel from that deli one last time before I die. I want to try the new curry place that opened. I want one last bowl of my mom's beef noodle soup before I make the decision to go. 
* Tuition: I don't think my school refunds tuition when a student dies before the end of the semester. Or maybe it does, but I am not part of whatever tuition refund plan they have. If I want my parents to get their money's worth, I should at least wait until this semester is over. 
*  Paper due this week: I don't want others to think that I killed myself because I ""couldn't write a paper/incapable of dealing with school stress what a pathetic and weak loser.""  If I leave, I should leave with a clean slate right? All assignments turned in, all responsibilities fulfilled. 
* My brother: I can't leave him to grow up alone. I want to be there for him as he hits all the milestones and whatnot. I want to see him graduate from high school. I want to see him go to college. I sort of have plans to pay for his college. And I really really don't want him to grow up with the pain of having a sister who committed suicide. 
* My parents. My mom. My dad. My dad especially. He'll probably lose it. My mom too, but she's always had to put on a strong face for our family. But I know what could happen. I've read about what parents become when their child dies. Hey, but I'm not a only child! My parents still have my brother! But no, I can't do that. Not to my brother. Not to my parents. 
* Possible internship?? The lady said she would get back to all the candidates, even if they didn't move on to the next round. She said she would try to get back to everyone by Monday (today). Obviously, that hasn't happened, but I keep telling myself: maybe she just needs some more time. Maybe she'll notify everyone tomorrow.  I know I probably didn't advance, but as long as hope exists, I can delude myself as much as possible.  And I can live another day, just for her email. 
* Friends I guess. They are really nice and smart and amazing people. One of my friends is already down on herself a lot. She's been through a lot, and I kind of worry that she has depression. We're not that close, but I feel like she would not take it well. 
* Classes: Honestly, my classes this semester are interesting. Obviously I don't exactly enjoy the homework or stress that comes along, but I like the material. I'm learning. My French professor makes me genuinely want to continue learning French. 
* Spring: The weather is really nice right now. There are flowers everywhere and the sky is always so blue and clear. Sometime I hate the beautiful weather because it doesn't correspond to how I feel inside. But sometimes, waking up to the sun streaming in gives me a little more motivation to get up. 

​

These are all the reasons I can think of for now. Sometimes, they don't seem like enough, even though they should be. They really should be. My life is honestly great. I once read in a book something like, ""Life is about delaying pain."" I guess these reasons are how I ""delay the pain."" One day after the other. To live. Just find one reason to live for another day, or hour, or minute, or even second. 

​

Thank you to anyone who reads this post. I hope you have a nice day, and I hope you can find some reasons to live just a little bit longer too.",2.0416998577524907,4.528339076813658,3.3088229018492186,87.81524004267429,81.41820768136557,6.6018492176386925,23.04800853485064,7.8088561930420894,1.269437837837838,2813,97,558,51,76,911,296,703,0.1,0.7390000000000001,0.161,0.9921,6,1,1,0,0,1,124.0,1,3,8,7,27,37,2,2,32,0,51,14,2,10,10,117,103,44,5,26,29,14,3,4,2,9,6,2,2,2,28,18,6,4,19,4,8,8,20,11,1,6,6,8,93,26,80,82,18,67,0,3,4,0,60,25,0,20,35,369,121,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008906916037015,0.05336933273232404,0.0,0.0804831164325578,0.10480171579179884,0.11753170734720007,0.0,0.10142480776416457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03381625505281712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437570973132249,0.0,0.0589627852761555,0.0534126930644122,0.12345903393836492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052799434405616616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041660098379022736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861360153747487,0.0,0.0,0.12475950663233668,0.04985971795836965,0.04165463730976703,0.0,0.1505782328686429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423224379787534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897402896442337,0.0,0.0,0.04283490963854747,0.04997149489302609,0.0,0.0958291253760291,0.0,0.0,0.09242507543397847,0.0,0.0,0.04559195599026043,0.0,0.04890716832188055,0.0345502517636915,0.0,0.0,0.08840508216501275,0.0,0.1754407470232407,0.0,0.07472965101113595,0.0,0.10106985156101687,0.046393813654624326,0.05497116124381729,0.04056425510732215,0.0,0.053319938254123816,0.1065537147321186,0.0,0.0855337765549982,0.0,0.0,0.047748055872643615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109774316766608,0.0,0.14410492524196572,0.047627420006438194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298690182888621,0.05350605240738472,0.10072441325043062,0.05315764135353267,0.0788439492474809,0.0,0.1536270341118736,0.0,0.0,0.06831987056985529,0.09451009568930813,0.09694406287476114,0.2562303759609771,0.042799379935790666,0.0,0.05410537976017756,0.0,0.08223230768588842,0.0,0.0,0.06456482331756723,0.0,0.14576019901179926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992508107096774,0.0,0.051401791043439685,0.07110415270322452,0.03586025578514679,0.0,0.046708901339220885,0.05143417474483794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150459159993414,0.16385875010159426,0.036781937305263926,0.15438365160135506,0.0,0.268504724992952,0.05237198390006309,0.0,0.0335285380616243,0.0,0.05052862451109672,0.0,0.0,0.10904313185587323,0.0926360060558023,0.0,0.15642919072452685,0.0,0.0,0.048617771769022836,0.0,0.0,0.14512706559313754,0.0,0.1549116027366959,0.2486240426504321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260279388134055,0.09200781680654643,0.0,0.0,0.14683660227456874,0.07707746281938423,0.0440274955093069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037231892974502086,0.14349554682818705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862243557073927,0.0,0.11079839191744204,0.0,0.0,0.0529008358435242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036362657095196566,0.0,0.04227104487584353,0.04452578521082761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929664056283466,0.04751600985788003,0.0,0.0564012430414965,0.0,0.04584209078582775,0.0,0.0,0.06567006284632551,0.05260462213528479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852551505699047,0.0,0.038793561274431065,0.0,0.0434837863459084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911456881523631,0.0,0.1030662123176433,0.0,0.11753170734720007,0.0
suicidewatch,unhappy_mango,2019/04/09,"I see no real point to life anymore... I'm running out of places to turn so maybe here is where I'll find the right advice. 

I've been suffering from depression along side other mental health issues since I was around 13 but all of a sudden they've got worse... the worst part of it all is that I believe I'm a horrible and selfish person for feeling this way because, as people around me keep reminding me, my life ""isn't so bad"". 

I'm quite young and I've been seeing my partner for almost 2 years. Great right? Not entirely. We fight almost every day and I haven't left our flat since we got together because of how it makes him feel (he also suffers with mental health) he tries to help and I try to help him but I feel trapped in this flat (I dont call it my home as it doesn't feel like it). He has access to all my accounts including banks and relies on marijuana (I hate the stuff) being here is driving me mad and I feel like the relationship will never progress yet I cant leave because I fucking adore the man that I have wanted since I was 12. 

I became a mother when I was 17 and I have a beautiful, happy, healthy little girl who is my ray of personal sunshine and, in all honesty, the only reason I haven't done myself in. Yet I cant seem to provide anything for her and don't see a future in which i can. My parents have pretty much taken on the parent role for her and I HATE that. I'm her mum.  I try my hardest but due to how low I've been recently I've even had my parents suggest that I let her dad take custody of her! (My partner is not her dad) I cried my heart out at this and then my mum has the balls to ask me whats wrong.

That brings me to my parents. Any relationship I did have with them seems to have disintegrated to the point of no return. I'm pretty sure the only reason they tolerate me is for my daughter... I feel like they hate me and want nothing to do with me. I've even had them tell me that if I die in a ditch they wouldn't come to my funeral. 

My little sister is my best, and only, friend. I try and talk to her as much as possible but she's just hit that teenage phase where her friends and boyfriend are more important and though I'm happy that she has such a good social life its tearing me apart that my only friend now doesn't seem to care. I think that's also partly down to my parents... they argue a lot (apparently solely because of me) and she gets the backlash... I have no clue what they tell people or her about me but I have to assume it's bad. I put my sister through so much growing up and I'm now grasping at straws trying to fix it, buying her gifts of art, games, figurines, movies, anything she could possibly want. I'm trying to buy my best friend/sister back so I'm not alone in this fucking world. My older sister has nothing to do with me and its tearing me apart that despite the different lifestyles we've led (not going into details but she has made some questionable and downright terrible choices in her life) she is in the position I want to be in, parents who would give her anything and love her unconditionally  (she's my half sister on my dad's side), talent, a family and a fiance.

As for the ""friends"" I apparently have... they aren't. They're my partners friends and all basically just sit around doing drugs (not just marijuana) I dont want that around me and I certainly don't want it near my daughter. They all berate me and tell me how terrible I am at every oppurtunity. How much of a slut I am, how ugly I am, how fat I am, how stupid I am and anything else they can think of to hurt me. 

I was kicked out of college due to needing help from the on site support person (forgot the term but the person you go to with major issues) because one of the 2 guys who sexually assulted me attended the same college. I reported him and they said they'd get me help and call the police... I got kicked out for missing too much class and she never got me any help OR called the police... 

I'm lost, scared and alone and the only reason I'm still holding on is for my little sister and daughter though even then it's a constant struggle. I wrote my suicide note 2 nights ago... no one has found it. I started cutting again after being completely clean for a long time and now there's more wound than arm. Only my partner knows and he just lectures me and belittles me for them... I've sat and thought of ways to do it and I've attempted it before. The last time was when my daughter was 3 months old and they almost took her away from me fearing I'd be a danger to her. I've never nor will I ever hurt my personal sunshine... if I did try and fail then they'd take her off me for good, my family would abandon me (as they've already told me they will if I loose her) and I'd have nothing to go on for... 

I dont know what I'm expecting to come from this... I see my local mental practitioner and he's put me on meds. They aren't working. I have reached out to a sexual abuse team. They haven't replied. I'm even trying to contact organisations to help me with the self harm and suicidal thoughts. Again no one replies. I'm stuck and I've tried everything. I have nothing and no one. The only things in this world who truly support me are my sister, daughter and my 2 cats (they meow at me if they see me self harm and if I'm having a breakdown come to calm me down. They're the best) 

I'm scared and just need advice/a friend... anything",2.181906484962408,3.807250163392855,3.7368233082706803,89.26975563909775,76.83035714285714,6.394360902255639,23.66447368421053,7.147304744462513,0.8002803571428565,4213,133,907,47,95,1398,402,1120,0.165,0.705,0.13,-0.9941,9,3,1,0,2,2,134.0,3,1,20,10,48,63,11,4,42,0,83,15,3,13,12,163,170,88,4,18,24,23,6,3,10,6,9,1,2,14,43,69,1,4,23,4,4,15,31,35,0,5,31,14,172,28,116,124,24,115,0,10,7,4,134,57,2,17,43,603,215,8,0.0,0.0480049278510537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959184304977138,0.035915059039890486,0.0,0.1217130004162197,0.08392487674877072,0.044710500183023666,0.06480138676687781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055104645547673366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04018106293280156,0.0,0.0,0.1667064022911695,0.1442715992904319,0.03787706418159227,0.0,0.03806618951141833,0.031154363501538964,0.06765846647360274,0.1234911271564598,0.0,0.03447619870124377,0.04564774616550793,0.12755737440438247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411433852547787,0.0,0.04130884234326188,0.0,0.0,0.10470304241251674,0.04248033751565663,0.043783487318786334,0.0,0.03234879190390982,0.0,0.04450500980564375,0.026129518857280862,0.0,0.034896439091773195,0.0,0.04204929287761315,0.0423306786836221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146201524514103,0.14245362696002353,0.0,0.04698578812172282,0.0,0.033845984724163884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704195108086674,0.03664911264347099,0.0682730872556902,0.0,0.03641323891460036,0.0,0.0763899060485098,0.045591852516205685,0.1229168801401682,0.08683408384840645,0.0,0.0,0.03703096178983183,0.0,0.0,0.04442378888773711,0.2191183525169806,0.07491292351586512,0.04233595761241439,0.038866714416309685,0.06907866341087256,0.0679659288414404,0.12961763694283635,0.04466911964267314,0.0,0.04011728769956048,0.0,0.08626023803325962,0.0,0.12000371851416393,0.0,0.0861333937762558,0.0,0.04801174816656023,0.16294244048414572,0.0,0.04064093027111895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674660013603314,0.0,0.0,0.08457651921025583,0.0,0.036012552222223417,0.0,0.0,0.04453315437512932,0.033026011632376416,0.0,0.04290067713123283,0.044020837899895485,0.0414304353721513,0.11447081794851033,0.0593823283093311,0.12182326400756703,0.0,0.03585545455571108,0.0,0.0,0.04422808584776109,0.03444532111990927,0.03656734275040496,0.038337293167792934,0.027044797048854492,0.0,0.0407038466409223,0.0,0.04500422957998602,0.0,0.1224920331042014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032339547357723736,0.0,0.1489198978932421,0.060084317744298774,0.09374549255896196,0.0,0.0,0.03802159509068091,0.0,0.15550508039790953,0.0,0.04251480890685912,0.0,0.10981897357648797,0.21570012426556867,0.0,0.0,0.2699298628930187,0.08774992962693977,0.0,0.05617749484182056,0.1768853850869152,0.0423306786836221,0.0,0.07660158037930499,0.09135158183918314,0.0,0.08243883536990645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814596991301915,0.045387280523262914,0.043093836767341534,0.0,0.0461161674955333,0.0,0.12497183009777715,0.040004739678236194,0.0869982113007535,0.0,0.06920101942202261,0.03854006879569962,0.0,0.08112732544386983,0.0,0.16143034487509372,0.11065294872056868,0.08453421232529898,0.0,0.0,0.10054595659019168,0.0,0.0,0.04130103977809059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028677488937280324,0.0,0.03235619267183521,0.0,0.0,0.04235620229085616,0.04638121656012772,0.08863602782994724,0.09195433161693384,0.0381859245512442,0.0,0.06092609757233576,0.03256528922179716,0.10623851543004124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026917082280183226,0.05192213434269082,0.07961368294044949,0.0643304813676643,0.04725050245573456,0.0,0.0,0.03871484933897282,0.04501485405594401,0.24756982015050946,0.044069858984446805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143384597207522,0.06431955457957603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02949618773317292,0.0,0.04128934543432541,0.05756291948666304,0.04429797158077712,0.0,0.026091026218459903
suicidewatch,boomcockfeet,2019/04/09,"I cant live I can't go places because i will get bullied i have a huge metabolism and at the same time im really skinny with really small hands for my age of 19 and really small ankles, im just not getting enough food, my genetics are shit cards theres stress on my forehead from a fall on the pavement and theres a horizontal wrinkle in middle where a big dent is on top of it all im a pale ginger, in half of the situations im in i get fucked with i can still feel the pain from being thrown around i wanna escape this, it sounds like it would be more peaceful, ive gotten the most out of life, i just wanna go home... end this bad movie",1.3379976019184667,2.8377426978417257,3.528938848920862,90.39302458033579,78.85611510791368,6.647721822541968,19.49700239808153,7.492282038375204,0.3336757793764984,501,11,116,7,12,172,90,139,0.159,0.757,0.084,-0.9264,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,1,10,0,11,8,4,0,1,17,19,3,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,1,3,12,1,20,14,5,24,0,0,0,1,0,17,2,1,5,73,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694687890176546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844684415242533,0.09377715098087112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625325769847862,0.15895397069100894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778423095665049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601940579683535,0.0,0.0,0.14221913551054371,0.24111927595671,0.0,0.17485737362681744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431030316895186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6646781996669551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865909382360564,0.07515662185192742,0.0,0.13584022837364754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369261772366592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072614030833718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956543254967835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791070134864407,0.0,0.17291839203016773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228538290653267,0.0,0.17621890618999553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897031552942963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928085919811274,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trimmpercent,2019/04/09,"I feel like a superhero when I don't act on my suicidal thoughts. I feel like I'm protecting the people who are closest to me and who care about me from going through the pain, guilt, and regret if I actually did kill myself. I feel like I am overcoming a great challenge and fighting supervillains when I don't let myself do it. 

There have been so many times when I had access to everything I'd need, but the only thing stopping me is how badly I'd hurt the people around me. I'd never want them to feel the way I felt when i found out that my good friend l, who I had a falling out with, committed suicide after highschool. I don't ever want anyone to feel like it was their fault and that they could have done something. I'm not going to commit suicide, but I really really want to sometimes.",8.429021164021165,5.750525129629632,8.586331569664903,74.72277777777778,63.13580246913581,11.726278659611992,35.48853615520282,9.957137785484203,3.2266462081128733,629,20,127,10,7,208,94,162,0.262,0.607,0.131,-0.9747,0,0,1,0,2,4,13.0,0,0,3,1,10,17,2,1,8,0,17,1,0,1,4,32,34,13,4,7,4,0,6,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,8,0,0,4,5,8,0,0,9,6,24,9,15,23,0,19,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,13,89,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.12529189703787816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977454684904189,0.0,0.0,0.11429594177895365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720180801978599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090401888224054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251042212752323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131389410079438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613775311427575,0.0,0.0,0.11539029040880144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245938134566497,0.3668925717245937,0.12327628316314522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077500528962575,0.09919520279867428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459360618945353,0.10768896836272844,0.0,0.14155243646306984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744610037504126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420465276551635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128933629243145,0.0,0.25090303464754604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301691551044347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952009087929473,0.09902368784298957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764776580530472,0.1366179503689839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802144597572292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450217702255138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988422968450346,0.12698279443062088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734131177645112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42131944164458585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529782117301757,0.0,0.0,0.10192876476275747,0.07486630361440941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718646850844926,0.10191145175671457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ChemicalAppointment9,2019/04/09,"My life story just in case i kill myself. If i do kill myself i probably wont leave a note cuz i figure ill make it look like an accident so this is pretty much all i have. Im kind of doing this on a whim and in a bad state of mind so sorry if my writing is shitty.                                                  

So currently im 16 and about to turn 17. I was born in 2002. 

I was born into a pretty poor family so i spent most of my life living with my grandparents, 2 uncles, 1 aunt, 2 siblings and my mother. My dad wasnt around for the most part but came around sometimes, i dont hold anything against him because his dad was shot and killed before he was even born. Me and my dad actually have a decent relationship even if estranged. But even then since he wasnt around most of the time my grandfather was basically my only positive male role model considering my uncles were alcoholics and maybe on drugs. Anyways my childhood was kind of shitty in some ways and kind of alright in other ways. We were on food stamps and welfare and that kind of shit but since so many of us were living together we had some nice things since most of the adults worked. The neighborhood wasnt that bad, think of it somewhere inbetween a suburb and a trailer park. However in terms of school things were kind of weird. I didnt actually go to school until i was about 11 or 12 years old. This is because i was ""homeschool"" which basiclly meant i read a baby book and went to the library sometimes bc my mom is agoraphobic and didnt want to pay for school clothes at the time. So i was never really taught or learned shit, i could barely read at age 10 and didnt even know what a sentence was. But anyways fast forward a couple years till im around 9 years old and in the middle of the night i wake up to my grandma screaming. Me, my sister and my mom slept in the same room so my went to see what happened and i stayed with my sister. Turns out my grandad had a heart attack and died in the restroom and my grandma found hid body. My dad comes to pick me and my siblings up and im not really sure what to think even though i know hes dead. About a year later i became extremely depressed and thought about killing myself and its only been getting worse since then, but ill get to that later. Anyways my grandad left my mom some money he saved up and from his life insurance. He left my mom a note telling her to keep all of it for herself, sell the house, and move away. We moved into some apartments with my grandma and this is around when i first went to a real school. It was a private school that i went to for about a year or 2. It was around here that i realized how far behind i was from everyone my age. They told me i was dyslexic but in reality i just never learned to perform at my grade level. I also couldnt do any kind of basic math. However it pissed me off that everyone was so much better and smarter then me so i taught myself mostly everything bc the school was focused more on religion then actual teaching and eventually ended up reading above my grade level and being decent at math. I eventually started going to a charter school which was a lot better for me. Also around this time one of my uncles killed himself, im still not sure exactly why. Anyways we moved out of the apartments to a really nice suburb in a alright house.My mom found a boyfriend with a nice job to support us and theyre still together now. My grandma has always been addicted to pain killers but it was around right now when it really started to get bad. She ended up dying in her sleep and me my mom and her boyfriend found her body. I didnt really feel anything this time besides a tight pain in my chest. Maybe it was just because i had learned to hide my emotions bc anytime i tried to talk about my depression i was ridiculed. But fast forward to now, ive been out of school for the entire year and i finally had a talk with my mom about my depression. A couple years ago she started developing schizophrenic tendencies against my cousins and my dads side of the family. I told her that i wanted to move in with my dad, go back to school and get a job. She hated this. Shes always hated my dad but i told her i just wanted to be happy. She doesnt care though. She called me crazy and got me prescribed on anti depressants. I fucking hate pills and i dont want to take them. She doesnt care. If i was living with my dad id be happier. Like i said my mom is agoraphobic so shes extremely controlling, shes also manipulative. I just want to be happy but apparently thats too much to ask. Im still trying to convince her to let me move with my dad but she hates him so much. If things dont change ill probably end up killing myself by 2020. I havent even talked to anyone outside of my house besides the people who prescibed me the medication. 

Well yeah thats pretty much it. I kind of broke down on the last part but i dont care. I forgot some things like other shit with my mom, my grandma and my brother but it doesnt really matter. I hope i dont kill myself but honestly it seems like the only way to get some rest. Sorry. im sorry.",2.7137808586762087,4.344752265384617,4.012432915921288,87.83442754919498,75.38461538461539,7.029516994633273,24.30456171735241,7.779958622903148,1.1501650268336312,3996,127,840,57,86,1312,371,1040,0.187,0.73,0.08199999999999999,-0.9991,7,0,2,0,0,5,75.0,6,0,2,6,59,61,18,0,46,3,73,27,11,6,7,153,135,85,10,13,29,24,2,4,0,1,14,2,1,2,41,65,2,5,16,4,5,16,22,30,1,2,59,6,146,31,128,68,25,131,0,5,2,1,76,59,5,22,59,567,187,27,0.0,0.0,0.09671503659236927,0.03601408840347723,0.0,0.0,0.02928439804076372,0.03530540976646123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925657040826553,0.05497715433721279,0.0,0.0,0.02246559545288423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023099521434450924,0.0,0.054371584189417815,0.2352721700892103,0.03088417654770712,0.03758319012325559,0.031038385439082338,0.025402625134832303,0.08275097616462215,0.06041527012057549,0.0,0.02811118101123863,0.0,0.0,0.05843526945717601,0.0,0.0733910402917295,0.0,0.0,0.03373342351935865,0.0377843538448236,0.10104713293994276,0.0,0.03494768051539713,0.028457566751981363,0.0,0.0,0.03705265441044886,0.02637653740732424,0.07310735466810347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381534541638548,0.0,0.06857225146660535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935895798665016,0.0,0.03831124209171603,0.0,0.0,0.0371610246943808,0.08778020320046942,0.0,0.0,0.13091969718177654,0.0,0.0,0.06313457855499797,0.029690603630755874,0.0,0.06228675310087771,0.0,0.016703981283336472,0.0,0.0,0.03618929518410896,0.0,0.028100382959526108,0.039947231393203636,0.10866672234806242,0.0,0.030541226010505438,0.08629966560696932,0.0,0.0563253167202395,0.0,0.026421886632020383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02921360307070905,0.07033481812883309,0.0,0.1304647410969427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914778874178748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03281217671045677,0.0,0.07623815795626139,0.0,0.0,0.24979164957632474,0.0,0.06556621414146789,0.029363891969884856,0.2558458770105567,0.2408131854712709,0.0363114151443712,0.026928728399616547,0.0,0.034980326885553185,0.07178736572403567,0.03378152209335515,0.07000285715386223,0.06455883354727984,0.0,0.08751411196218391,0.0,0.027741898184414842,0.0,0.0,0.028086004068571452,0.0,0.0,0.02205176944942986,0.033493292853879184,0.06637815326986063,0.0,0.0,0.033280268660629116,0.0,0.0,0.033356916659751525,0.34822200562885536,0.0,0.17556006307064267,0.1214262118085854,0.0,0.05095876014153173,0.0,0.0,0.031002024068610374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933139579543153,0.0,0.022386031240196683,0.07537604159802963,0.07030521197028522,0.0,0.0,0.07154948191481922,0.0,0.022902985041088217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008283878765702,0.07123673587295501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913474325148174,0.037602171377576134,0.12698214686182469,0.0,0.0,0.0354682731516053,0.0,0.028212541643469206,0.031424776829077045,0.0,0.0,0.3009075283149175,0.026325394425382075,0.030074710361450936,0.0,0.0,0.1017328589866618,0.10931079767611973,0.0,0.03305983259894012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534684684488402,0.11094320598191633,0.07014909817490382,0.03521195314832642,0.07914771552233152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037488832270215385,0.062272029839693474,0.0,0.02483894138106544,0.0796591945588467,0.028874897756747325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779053384970037,0.04233623693973474,0.06491535425654675,0.02622687353001717,0.07705416939467928,0.0,0.0,0.09470186783249697,0.0,0.04485851617664754,0.07186730728564061,0.0,0.0,0.07947641921393582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974273682077654,0.07866725637374901,0.0,0.0,0.02970330845859638,0.12249871701761235,0.029809828490897337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024050582829445957,0.0,0.033666480269415766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489185907664314
suicidewatch,nthaccountxyz,2019/04/09,"I have planned my suicide but I don't think I have the courage to do it. Probably some alcohol will help(?) I want my suicide to look like an accident. After spending a long time on the Internet, I decided that falling from a building would be the best way to do it. I think 4 storeys should do it. The thing is, I am too chicken to do it. I am thinking of getting drunk to give me that final push but that will look suspicious as I don't drink. I don't know what to do.
I have also acquired some poison as a backup plan but I cannot use it because then it will not look like an accident.",1.9644000000000013,3.2348712400000004,3.8226000000000013,89.92030000000004,76.6,7.240000000000001,28.5,7.908726449838941,1.6793199999999993,455,20,103,7,10,154,70,125,0.21600000000000005,0.6559999999999999,0.129,-0.9224,0,0,2,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,9,0,21,4,0,1,0,15,32,7,2,3,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,11,0,3,0,5,2,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,3,15,4,12,26,3,9,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,7,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016169378739524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086891912417036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500354424540488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979838617954061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848120184007124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066645006275467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856548576729464,0.1809769662797904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645279729241174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368094266154992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433654245363829,0.0,0.0,0.16695549102942672,0.475273047367322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034041333303625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41272023274042396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533531494308364,0.3626513263558272,0.0,0.0,0.11000740245291038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629390584695709,0.0,0.0,0.11127477501664808,0.14974712983964514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401650609464136,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,treevant,2019/04/09,"I made a promise not to off myself but I really want to(mostly me venting and rambling about a girl.) Just rambling
I've been depressed my whole life my mother abused me to hell and back I got bullied alot growing up by other kids and if I get stressed enough i hallucinate like crazy and recently I developed a skin issue that I can't even afford to get checked out. Whenever its too hot or I wear clothes too tight my skin freaks out and it's extremely painful. My first two girlfriend's also abused the fuck out of me. Then i met a girl. We dated for a long while but she wasn't happy for most of it which i don't blame her. All of my past made me insufferable. I still talk to her and for the past two years she's been all i had. She has no desire to be with rhe current me romantically because my personality is complete ass to be honest. She even has a new guy sshe likes which isn't easy for me to handle either. My dog might also have to be put down tomorrow. Recently I attempted suciide for the 4th time but started hallucinating and heard her crying and yelling at me thar I said id atleast try to feel better instead of giving up and that did stop me then from me drowning myself. But then after she found out she made me promise never again ever and I did. I wish i didn't though. Part of me wants to try and thinks truly maybe if I get better I can stop loving her or maybe there's a small chance i could get her back. I don't want anyone else but I'm really young so maybe I'm just dumb. I'm 19. Shes done so much for me and I don't think anyone else is ever going to compare to what she's done for me. I tried to leave when she said she wasn't going to pursue me romantically atleast current time. Which I'm assuming means things can change but anyways she said she didn't want me to leave and it would be sad if I could only see her romantically but not as a friend so I agreed not to. Tonight I was like wow I did alot today i made a great start and as soon as it hit 12 it just hit me like a truck. How could I ever change, how could anyone want me, why am I trying, do I really think things will ever get better. I started hallucinating again this time my hanging body and I looked so peaceful. I just don't know what to do. I'm moving to New York in august near her about 20 minutes away. Do I keep trying or do i give up I just can't decide. 

Sorry this is my first time venting in a long time",1.2888553826199782,3.1138423132295765,3.1181566147859963,91.77966034370951,80.14785992217898,5.83975356679637,20.241407263294423,6.816661863887847,0.17555006485084368,1895,49,429,20,48,633,227,514,0.142,0.682,0.17600000000000002,0.9468,3,0,0,0,4,0,31.0,1,0,0,6,34,23,3,1,16,0,45,9,5,6,7,85,92,45,1,15,22,1,5,4,2,3,2,5,0,5,18,21,0,4,9,0,1,6,16,8,0,4,24,12,85,15,53,55,10,67,1,2,2,3,37,15,4,11,50,297,103,0,0.0,0.16042484006127747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827796825443173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201045491365852,0.1387315547046287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360557798419356,0.1041129318525907,0.0,0.041268772207158085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796231844491681,0.0,0.0751984916512253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432334438111478,0.0,0.07098126855687703,0.0,0.0,0.2162090435157844,0.0,0.07436433507564648,0.0,0.0,0.058309176897168725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855946591478935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310790223323396,0.0,0.0,0.06995131691736531,0.0,0.08942929742169274,0.2449510205476758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03423072331674672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516972126180833,0.0,0.07422862137553188,0.05230419374279725,0.06258677135628475,0.17685005302699155,0.12988638298322044,0.07694997177317772,0.0,0.054145193021102586,0.07463854957337064,0.0,0.06703280007901291,0.0,0.07206700181421921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066032163064187,0.0,0.060174113253268685,0.0,0.0,0.03720568120746319,0.0,0.0,0.143367245309743,0.0,0.0,0.047817910272805166,0.13229753621751156,0.0,0.0,0.1198232310706013,0.05685023378105601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110112414293385,0.2562342826098212,0.0,0.0,0.2040386803884779,0.07374421876283767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181809752834976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195348034108212,0.04976666328005061,0.0,0.052213756390800205,0.13076851782946253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148825262848506,0.07203666652454985,0.0,0.0,0.07331157995627093,0.12925299400295434,0.0,0.059112284680004935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805634228296162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010942306699608,0.0,0.13368948255659574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319217784320747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539474558486506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578365347803412,0.14375341601584973,0.0,0.054064626974094136,0.11319903804534664,0.07754914520310935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441401069454352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995261138841303,0.13013664123312765,0.06651406909744224,0.0,0.19737958785177687,0.0,0.06417087636819106,0.0,0.0,0.2298163877216579,0.0,0.13226446088067156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996535573184433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108795106287152,0.07558368096921722,0.07785067904543541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809153229414452,0.0,0.0,0.04359603165239579
suicidewatch,Eharsh,2019/04/09,My friend might leave me My friend called me and said she might leave for foster care and the last time I didn't have you have her in my life I was 5 and I only saw her again when I was 13. I really don't know how to live life without her again. I'm running out of ideas on what to do. At this point in my life I don't want to feel the pain anymore.,0.9618518518518542,1.5344582098765436,2.4947530864197525,101.22138888888892,78.01234567901236,5.893827160493827,17.203703703703702,5.46131890053228,-0.9263185185185184,269,3,75,1,6,88,51,81,0.087,0.792,0.121,0.6886,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,10,4,0,1,0,12,17,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,4,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,3,17,3,11,10,0,12,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,2,5,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828701124792266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386510417488148,0.0,0.19357174487723566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599734428884504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933659127221133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214325310740022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434037736580626,0.15475869899456932,0.0,0.4020620505266824,0.0,0.0,0.4023045922654358,0.0,0.0,0.16764710547473052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028162987269345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439471432347953,0.2020211087504172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947612101013707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162718041149165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059737192536365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070707490032773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119825082458282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830152595489705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LatinaMermaid,2019/04/09,"To be honest the idea of just going in the garage and getting in my car, turning on the engine and just drift off sounds amazing but I can’t do it. I really don’t feel I have much left to give society, I just get into fights with my Bf, I can’t stand my stepson, the house I live in we ran out of money remodeling 2 years ago. So it’s a damn nightmare. I lost my job because of my depression I am almost 40 and I am a failure. I have tried everything I just always go back to my dark thoughts. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I cry all the time, I feel so alone and empty. The pain is the worst and the worst part is you know you are your own worst enemy. I just want someone to help me and listen and not call me ungrateful or yell at me. I am just so fed up with everything. The garage is the best thing I could come up with because I am a coward but I can’t even do this. I don’t want to disappoint my family and friends, even though they are horrible to me. I just know what Robin Williams felt like, to be surrounded with people yet feel so alone. I sometimes at night make packs with God, higher powers, psychics I just want something bigger then me to help me find my path, I am just so lost.",1.7090199335548169,3.0085308875968977,3.3797231450719813,92.71383720930237,77.33333333333333,6.774750830564784,21.975636766334443,7.447530270364453,0.5602566998892584,931,25,219,12,21,310,134,258,0.247,0.637,0.116,-0.9935,2,2,1,0,1,0,24.0,1,3,1,4,20,15,2,0,13,0,24,2,0,1,1,48,48,18,0,4,14,0,4,1,2,0,1,3,1,0,6,17,1,0,10,0,1,6,7,10,0,0,6,7,43,5,28,39,8,28,0,4,0,0,13,14,1,2,8,155,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528955435223133,0.0,0.13023541240526662,0.2694040298996879,0.0,0.0,0.10821959895279794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898368992729287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000742808832644,0.0,0.15856565348267782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364890127108718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328048935446211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203440768076796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038416169187565,0.0,0.14286382604120024,0.0,0.0,0.11201972150183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180563205255556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23377748494428774,0.0,0.12260815464008724,0.0,0.19728538268567236,0.0,0.1248771423014017,0.0,0.11887167099578948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048334633120848,0.0,0.1359010347383545,0.12476455013521955,0.14783117969246448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435176079962447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500707517220861,0.0,0.1468209051747147,0.0,0.0,0.12906359895823324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443125776733105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130960436550735,0.0,0.0,0.06354031196752973,0.0,0.11484457757571093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28394976611772554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681546634368226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095608411186084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220516649825603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383920636751794,0.0,0.0,0.1408413427622809,0.0,0.09016661141701987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331919669312736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019866247120202,0.10012585755996327,0.1286317861235046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640549406024667,0.0,0.1277824159546787,0.10325240618294623,0.07583851337944589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830159888738451,0.14146696506998255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301366996872937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375380316033018
suicidewatch,redyelllowblue,2019/04/09,"Lust for not life Throughout my regular days, I picture all the ways that I could escape this world. 

When I get off the bus to go to work, I contemplate jumping into oncoming traffic.
Pulling an exacto knife out of my pocket to open a box, I think about digging it deep in my veins.
I can't get it out of my head. I can find a way to die, anywhere I go. I think about windmills breaking the windshield and smashing through my face if I'm driving through the county. 

I used to have a list in my head of people and reasons why I shouldn't go through with it. That list has dwindled away as time passed me by. 
Each time I see something that I could use to end my life, I think about all the reasons that I should go. I imagine what it feels like to drown, or choke, or bleed to death. I can almost feel the poison in the pit of my stomach. 

I feel like I am dead inside already. Just waiting for the perfect moment.",3.5133756137479537,4.26525992021277,4.172340425531917,90.90653846153849,72.13829787234044,6.63567921440262,28.82324058919804,6.297961479604792,1.12137348608838,707,27,155,4,13,225,109,188,0.121,0.823,0.056,-0.9341,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,0,12,0,10,10,5,4,3,34,27,7,4,5,5,0,3,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,10,0,0,8,3,1,0,0,0,4,28,3,31,23,3,28,0,0,1,1,0,11,0,4,8,102,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032642906925314,0.0,0.16566438617312554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410454343732308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397218878011207,0.0,0.0,0.0968168704168096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580389986844168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132964357033329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22771999212019897,0.2144957022141001,0.0,0.0,0.13720963821027155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686606954075416,0.0,0.34127328255559153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30813887306018417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120725300829445,0.14668496108112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407633734377007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087027497244201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962853863845894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557196576955965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28857813531953397,0.0,0.0,0.1750757753471336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931602201136555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383211881937328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135462594094728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092912809129953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDontWantAName5,2019/04/09,"What would happen if I (13m, CA) told my therapist how seriously I’ve been thinking about killing my self? So I actually go to a great therapist, just to be clear. 

I’ve been struggling with depression and self harm for a few years now, and I’ve always thought about suicide. Over the past few weeks though, I’ve really started to formulate a plan. I don’t have a date or anything, but it’s nice to know I could do it at any moment. 

I’ve been thinking about telling my therapist. What do you think the chain of events would be if I said “I have a loose plan on how to kill myself, and I’m worried I’ll become irrational and act on it.” I know she’d tell my parents, but would I be hospitalized? What are your experiences? All help appreciated.",3.587411198073447,4.706568198675498,4.9239012642986175,84.21042745334138,72.3112582781457,8.66971703792896,28.296809151113788,9.095868883498916,2.119007947019868,582,22,126,12,11,194,92,151,0.18600000000000005,0.7120000000000001,0.102,-0.904,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,2,0,2,9,8,2,1,7,0,17,0,0,2,2,25,29,13,3,6,6,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,6,1,16,2,15,15,3,14,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,3,8,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.13299334706612204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339905393863405,0.0,0.0,0.09267766952429377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214996997491664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505147695639869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088115390557044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738105263462867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333117246932906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745323435854527,0.0,0.0,0.15025339032816235,0.0,0.0,0.12051533006010187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134817038009944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015557046960424,0.0,0.14979604434555166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132705164451946,0.0,0.13009832499436993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730690347548481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963711947666107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843474888737879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646238773885273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247343682920552,0.0,0.14907237699339115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382361275453339,0.0,0.0,0.4747080498716538,0.0,0.26197550277924203,0.13389815910862735,0.10819412834028942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302250282915263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931865818385048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840283242309162,0.0,0.29043634212780445,0.0,0.0,0.0877623104691654
suicidewatch,cantbelievethrowaway,2019/04/09,"I think I’m beginning to take “the path” I’m crying as I type this and I don’t even really know why. A few months ago my girlfriend attempted suicide and it’s been a long and complicated road with a lot of bumps, but we’re still together. Thing is, I’m starting to do the same things she did and I’m scared. I get angry, lash out, cut myself, I’ve been getting fucked up every chance I get, and I’ve been having regular thoughts about hanging myself in my closet with a belt. I’m scared and I don’t know what’s happening to me, I have a therapist but I don’t see her enough and she reschedules often. I just feel sad, I don’t know what’s happening anymore.",0.9297142857142866,2.9119188285714306,2.975714285714286,91.53928571428571,82.14285714285714,6.571428571428572,21.42857142857143,7.7094869923839395,0.8137857142857139,516,16,116,9,14,174,84,140,0.224,0.757,0.019,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,2,7,0,12,1,0,0,0,22,33,10,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,2,18,0,11,28,4,11,0,1,1,1,4,4,1,2,6,71,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273875443226948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206892340580424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016616443181124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969439553817788,0.0,0.12125744921894807,0.0,0.15467992366233002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282707823893606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972317726543454,0.2877498127689009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246906676782711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026837600029718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624686738651413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607906000787888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653735220242586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761050137040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676051284920008,0.0,0.14629503030116445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299437883344328,0.0,0.14661277565314684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081432625306872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803453894268009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315859925345865,0.243934024352437,0.1176351048317841,0.0,0.1457475316715215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656586675162436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,johnny_walker_lee,2019/04/09,"I don’t have a coping mechanism Every time something bad happens to me, my brain absolutely shuts down and I feel like the only option is to die. Didn’t get into my grad school? Kill myself. Prof lied about offering a summer course and now I have to commute an hour and a half to take something I hate just to graduate on time? Kill myself. The hundredth type of med my doc puts me on doesn’t work? Kill myself. The girl I met ghosted me? Kill myself. Fucked up again at work and got yelled at? Kill myself. At this point, I’m just drowning everything in alcohol and weed but it’s barely working. Exercise doesn’t even give me an endorphin rush anymore. I need a new coping mechanism but I don’t know what’s left. I’m just ready to give up",0.8235684210526308,3.3044947533333366,2.5142807017543882,91.09784210526315,88.13333333333333,5.5578947368421066,19.894736842105264,7.0608816371341465,0.5682,583,18,119,9,19,191,92,150,0.179,0.7879999999999999,0.033,-0.9626,0,0,3,0,0,5,16.0,0,0,0,3,7,9,7,0,9,0,8,4,1,0,0,15,22,7,8,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,1,0,2,5,8,0,1,3,2,19,1,18,19,0,22,0,0,0,1,5,13,1,1,8,71,22,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339519532286735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430509563408125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465492363307767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992257581521825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008469639637665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278688388743216,0.0,0.1056056263960166,0.0,0.11264886529248555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337643251838683,0.0895439983351166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587620438814215,0.06548576463211866,0.24047799136532416,0.0,0.0,0.1002470540848352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083908154738537,0.0,0.0,0.1237487895835881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343613722213688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6933590383732722,0.0,0.06888441481433187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361839151490403,0.0,0.0,0.061235529547925015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392261591295903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293913996008908,0.0,0.12105560944565008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095327864912583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184882389833206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600283506233184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268522977250353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298803292806144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424121504707686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617528252901688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737503318275631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hmeide13,2019/04/09,"Possible overdose?? My emotional support animal died yesterday and I have been so suicidal I haven't been able to function. I just took 200 mg of hyrdroxyzine (8 pills, I'm prescribed 1-4 for insomnia) with the intent to just sleep so I don't have to think about my loss but also with the intent of possibly harming myself. Anyone have experiences with this medication?",3.9987605042016803,6.834560514705885,5.551512605042016,72.56323529411767,76.20588235294117,9.768067226890755,30.302521008403357,9.957137785484203,3.956875630252101,297,14,48,10,7,100,49,68,0.179,0.7440000000000001,0.077,-0.8523,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,7,4,1,2,0,10,11,5,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,10,8,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,34,8,0,0.2450208483292093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959430838852744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132427417026933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542929567626473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756154754657833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396774054805851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683272719105906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524483828644458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451977994555651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26801303957924005,0.2780467550555681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699946610112547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222717797995033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shadowknight646,2019/04/09,"Never thought I'd post here but its all come crashing down today... Ive actually grown to hate myself more than I ever had in just the past hour or so. It's a really long story, and i know im a complete asshole and piece of shit for it but I'll be happy, just to know that i was able to tell just someone what was going through my mind...

Backstory is, I was my parents' unwanted accident child and i never felt like i was wanted anywhere. Any friends that I made were just people to pass the time, none of them actually cared about me. I never even planned to live past high school and I was just deadset on making it to 18 then leaving. Then, I met my best friend, purely by chance since we were partnered for taking care of a club for just a day. I genuinely just grew to love her and before I knew it she became the only reason I had to live. I actually, thought there might be something worth living past 18 for. But, keep in mind the past 17 years of my life i built myself up in my mind to be a worthless piece of shit that can't do anything right and I genuinely couldn't understand why she wanted to stick around with me. And therein is the root of my jealousy.

[This section makes me feel like a complete piece of shit] I really, couldn't handle her spending more time with lther people than myself, I kept thinking that it was only a matter of time before she woke up and realized there were plenty of better people she could have in her life. Evem though she constantly tried to reassure me that she never was going to leave or replace me. But I still just couldn't believe any of it.

Fast forward to just tonight where i came off a really shit day and really just hated myself. She invited me to join her and a friend of mine in a game and, I just lost it... I, i really dont know what happened but i just ended up pushing her away and just saying that the day she ended up replacing me, please have it be one of the only people i considered an actual friend. The second i said that i really regretted it. Too little too late though, cause i could tell i crossed a line and no matter what kind of apologies I made it didn't make a difference since she probably hates me now anyway. Now im just, sitting here writing this on my phone while trying to keep myself from tossing myself off the deep end. Im sorry, for my stupid story and I'm really sorry for anyone who has to read this...",4.578165198383786,4.97799404312115,5.535131483076111,83.35908193680865,69.55441478439425,8.419394581704974,26.387295489170032,8.360895534625662,1.5912063191362522,1877,52,384,26,31,619,223,487,0.127,0.755,0.118,-0.5953,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,0,1,4,33,25,8,0,22,0,32,7,4,8,7,86,69,27,0,9,21,1,2,2,5,1,2,2,0,2,25,20,0,3,12,3,2,10,12,11,0,2,25,4,70,14,59,34,9,66,0,3,0,1,35,23,4,3,35,277,95,2,0.06312392125659835,0.0,0.2463993656453118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585286213196175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044137713446887605,0.0,0.05194560868751808,0.05619367296684322,0.0,0.0,0.05930700193299606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742761538575846,0.07111904303588441,0.0662446609223425,0.055827978640411315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219694951304828,0.1287180894198401,0.06484565541489946,0.0,0.05437566878858959,0.1323684609093673,0.06821453369451841,0.0,0.10079862936634572,0.0,0.0,0.12212912129638112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595106247137134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398076559029902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772717418264474,0.0,0.0,0.04169275465410313,0.05709920068928745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031917351248952584,0.04509574195846972,0.06060886355908516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507753990876375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174955828292212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582027509725858,0.0671965879621952,0.0,0.18696541096532396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669388855136459,0.0,0.0,0.062164347092112625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455400122919576,0.0,0.0,0.11221488316369953,0.0,0.06573385021803346,0.10407376886840647,0.0,0.07120653266192188,0.13367823647206264,0.0,0.0,0.0891725847593379,0.06167831882710353,0.06326675234824387,0.16721873686027414,0.055862683918130304,0.0,0.0,0.06890721678562224,0.0,0.05697180345651024,0.11945876113111463,0.1264071228121832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696450506269136,0.1912114975859222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947402381575849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277440270339356,0.1440257597654249,0.0,0.0,0.07009164434301837,0.0,0.24103570183997697,0.17504871582564605,0.0,0.0,0.06929110978195631,0.0,0.0,0.0604552675003338,0.0,0.06805826353966725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314100348617148,0.0,0.2830716023615121,0.06490190432602236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053907483849888964,0.06004530434754288,0.050198675791927536,0.0,0.06388477833699495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259183192219101,0.10443351993612336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053484693635848776,0.04859587853909508,0.0,0.14132412363042088,0.0,0.0,0.05041084505601266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047461332916032536,0.0,0.11034617895544167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040447259909000936,0.12403786427390814,0.10022668493462453,0.110424198341551,0.0,0.05983409646487488,0.0,0.0,0.08571399794042983,0.0,0.0,0.06571422821276854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744642484830937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056959520636206115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040649735690195636
suicidewatch,awakeningthecat,2019/04/09,Let the waves consume my bones. Don't you know it's hard to live when we go in all alone.,-0.7042857142857137,0.7008702380952414,0.8669047619047632,107.54892857142859,84.71428571428572,4.2,15.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.6160666666666668,69,1,20,0,2,22,21,21,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.34,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979823528643581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27325990155892776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307184095944324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26424495162006195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916688945181162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42457102795500573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thedenster123,2019/04/09,"Just some thoughts Even though todays my birthday I dont feel good im constantly thinking about how my life is so worthless. I have no friends at all, and all my old friends who have forgotten bout me are doing so much with there life i could barely graduate highschool because im so dumb and now im gonna have to do a career i prob will hate it doesnt help that im unattractive as well i feel like im gonna end up kiling myself in the future i always think bout it but i keep thinking life will get better.
i always feel like maybe i shouldnt complain about life because i do got a family that loves me but my pride and fear keeps me from telling anyone what i constantly think.",1.954825174825178,3.8364299370629382,2.9755244755244767,93.32174825174828,78.3006993006993,5.798601398601399,22.88811188811189,6.67199483983844,0.4843398601398605,543,17,118,5,13,173,87,143,0.136,0.6920000000000001,0.172,0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,12,14,2,1,3,0,14,5,0,1,2,23,30,11,0,2,3,0,3,2,2,5,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,3,19,9,9,22,4,10,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,1,9,71,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852241652369916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782486428501971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569718926050284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843747040102653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405555889717777,0.0,0.08886549662333072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044497759710916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858043192761308,0.0,0.0,0.07351384381360616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492550940039773,0.12524556180846372,0.16883272842912958,0.1590281744872606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719831169632737,0.0,0.058150639897571674,0.0,0.0,0.09335473853090877,0.0890182832196861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988756627125276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746033058341766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011256641019042,0.0,0.0,0.1978604547216317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144632453691031,0.10875295562883287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045429465690592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118177011670184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181969034694714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167926029069853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728275131324583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28527100905730185,0.10935353464715218,0.08836126232683915,0.0,0.0,0.10550117061680336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007375937056028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,amonthandaminute,2019/04/09,Are there some peaceful ways to do it? I’m being serious here. I’m not looking for sympathy. Is there someway to get it done without it hurting? I’m at the point where it just hurts too much to live,-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142893,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,94.71428571428572,4.704761904761905,23.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.7313523809523814,156,7,34,2,6,52,32,42,0.14800000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.118,-0.1058,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,8,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31759440996612176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214435548741446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6644692768521226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27404353540190696,0.0,0.260614694707818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281419599312023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29337977880716826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634030527951886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991650146137312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Exclusivelorenz,2019/04/09,"Another failed attempt I tried to hang myself using simple suspension method but failed. The first time I ever tried I began to lose consciousness, but it seems all of my subsequent attempts have been futile. Maybe I need a softer rope? Or I’m not tying it tight enough? Or it’s positioned at the wrong place on my neck? I won’t give up, I have faith that I’ll be successful one day, then I’ll finally be in peace. :)",4.0996787148594365,5.296394168674702,5.017048192771085,83.73151606425706,71.16867469879517,8.90682730923695,24.676706827309236,9.2995712137729,1.87600562248996,328,9,66,7,6,107,63,83,0.188,0.634,0.17800000000000002,0.2593,0,0,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,7,1,6,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,1,2,12,12,5,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,2,1,9,2,7,7,2,13,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,3,7,40,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26582353991641977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349064110797998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26193985397077285,0.0,0.0,0.22931103151369606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27770384471357595,0.0,0.2156323947754273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24318641657317125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836087914470611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546812292730367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797176638049326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717824818542098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26486020788679265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23078268459037365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782160707505118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34422837877957096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894811568319586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771694271556132,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,magentalime,2019/04/09,"I think i finally found a way to do it I am going to slit the artery in my neck.

I've thought of other ways but I don't have the access or the means to do it.

The world scares me, and I mean simple things that normal people wouldn't think twice about. It scares me that I have to work with strangers at a job just to make it by. I'm scared that I haven't even started my formal education which could take years. I'm scared of going homeless because me and my parents have issues. I'm scared of losing the love of my life. I'm scared of the city I live in where everything is so competitive people like me rarely get a chance.

I think I've experienced enough already. I simply think I am done experiencing all that life had to offer me so far. I've lost interest. 

I have people that love and care for me, but I can't live for them. I know it's selfish but I've been wanting to die for a long time and there's no denying what's to come.

I don't want to live life moving forward with this thought in my head that keeps resurfacing, the thought of killing myself. It's about time. I know I will die by suicide in this lifetime, so why try to keep living?",2.37708270676692,3.5761230734693896,3.5989473684210544,92.22684210526316,75.40816326530613,6.464017185821698,22.69065520945221,6.8360192770164,0.3938571428571431,903,24,209,8,19,294,122,245,0.236,0.6679999999999999,0.096,-0.9902,2,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,3,9,15,1,6,11,0,19,7,2,1,1,33,50,11,4,5,5,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,18,7,0,2,12,0,0,5,6,10,0,1,8,2,30,5,30,39,2,21,0,2,0,2,5,9,0,1,8,127,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098462146723997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578423269437252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330152403144244,0.0,0.0,0.0788285903103587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306405636184783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899478604277919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364748543764424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455528554637417,0.0,0.060442126943149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224415144394409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002457851913899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033704580813586,0.0,0.0,0.047810700354970335,0.0,0.10401557646718143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391664730766533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551366840565312,0.09081050881483327,0.1626782943310164,0.10124332031030726,0.0,0.10058406233223363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391069500881208,0.04470763334200768,0.0,0.3232234218929507,0.08098432115548382,0.0,0.10237735820732018,0.0998950244187292,0.0,0.1651844309768907,0.0,0.06108427732763064,0.0,0.0,0.19936452864072926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972616696801238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966131255351785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161209304067637,0.0,0.0,0.1903265349869572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5497106194559731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477192948205496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009813893969326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688048542918623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060795816507079575,0.23454611605345801,0.0,0.21794844443002526,0.1067215550060204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212993585218145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795107199995137,0.14527428334667095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257440904245249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662106978825738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058930058835786024
suicidewatch,TrashAcct2398,2019/04/10,"I’ll probably kill myself in the future idk I’m so worthless, my little brother has a better grasp at life than I do. I feel I’m giving up slowly, my grades are going down, I’ve turned to alcohol when I’m really sad. I’m constantly made fun of for my various flaws, it hurts. I’ve resorted to isolation in my room years ago. I’m not good at being social. My eyesight is literally worse than anyone I have ever met and I’m 17, I can’t see my screen from 2 feet away. I feel the switch will go off once I’m blind in my thirties, but probably not considering I’m a coward so I’ll just live in misery. The only good thing I do is being a helping hand for others. I am not normally this angry and sad about my life, but I have this often and I can’t see myself living like this for the rest of my life.",1.6211822660098534,2.8373879655172445,4.380131362889983,85.7958620689655,77.39080459770116,7.50016420361248,21.049261083743843,8.192908349453996,0.950988177339902,622,15,138,11,14,223,101,174,0.197,0.6970000000000001,0.106,-0.94,0,1,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,1,0,7,0,14,7,2,1,1,16,32,8,1,1,6,1,3,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,7,20,5,21,27,2,20,0,4,4,0,5,12,0,1,7,84,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181114965822586,0.1709681975080151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118605779983752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030492061077766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148784500837616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287975681251655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447095713291716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177971535300542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346580521259873,0.18183875950696152,0.2683644901123131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723011196830176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712601262964648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699233517588464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389923070479773,0.07815733819412865,0.1603403287818858,0.28252761786670344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137537746689275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674481077016175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703717155238021,0.0,0.12167073972089824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34496742593038704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248622382174698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25496405584113696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307777543970878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628250337436956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740104996324503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630316001478348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302080861660737
suicidewatch,kasimir12,2019/04/10,"I'm afraid for my girlfriend's(16) life So I don't really know how I should start this so I guess I'll start where I think I should. My girlfriend just recently turned 16 and for a long while she's been thinking about killing herself when she turned 16. I, her boyfriend (14) have been able to stop her from doing it for the past week-ish, but I don't think I can anymore. She gets upset when I bring up the hotline. I don't know what I should do",2.8215197568389065,3.8889501489361713,2.9535258358662624,97.80500000000002,74.1063829787234,6.222492401215807,23.003039513677805,6.18269132825596,0.10164012158054714,350,9,84,2,7,106,60,94,0.095,0.905,0.0,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,2,3,0,12,1,0,1,0,14,25,8,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,19,0,7,20,0,12,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,9,54,22,0,0.2169057301927871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511220004287865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332429157186492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23894611597560425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399740532007542,0.0,0.2384114334781061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320693189969214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195474559534487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706106286396966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895536495014996,0.0,0.21416824086311004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070539844762423,0.0,0.0,0.18134290283684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169533009140599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471862296802749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398869320869914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,grrl_scout,2019/04/10,"i don’t think life is cut out for people like me hi, i don’t really know what all to say except that i’m just exhausted from trying to get better and fix my depression. i’m sick of trying new pills and spending so much time in therapy. i’m not being cynical, it just genuinely is NOT working and i don’t feel like it ever has. i feel dissociated all the time, i don’t feel joy, i feel like the only emotion i experience regularly is frustration. i don’t know if it’s frustration at myself or just life. i feel like i have truly failed and i have a busted brain. i was cutting my wrists in the bathroom at middle school for god’s sake. i got raped last august and it’s been downhill fast since then. i don’t feel real, i don’t want to, i just want this fight to be over.",1.28290909090909,2.9976260181818226,3.7896969696969727,87.48454545454548,79.72727272727272,7.066666666666667,20.69696969696969,8.021203637495839,0.8562606060606059,603,16,134,11,15,211,93,165,0.17800000000000002,0.6779999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8323,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,16,7,0,4,0,17,8,2,0,3,30,33,9,0,3,9,0,6,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,9,0,1,0,9,10,0,0,3,7,20,6,15,28,3,15,0,2,0,1,3,7,0,2,12,82,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370732607169484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730165651229161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348993391125613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433932875674574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019446545296585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160686430624995,0.0,0.0,0.470196003762374,0.332167877750625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097422446010052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395713029435936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703534225587288,0.12633495637088193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189435701810115,0.30287495564279104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393315676456185,0.0,0.0,0.14968725106095165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787447201842195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074483567508536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640894920623695,0.09928853518817957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232517519359314,0.0,0.1568549514076917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820671153075625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724095309918994,0.0,0.0,0.09930930579634924,0.0,0.0,0.1807481397601004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104517747715101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283050174820967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283226178981412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dandylyon1,2019/04/10,"First time I've thought about it in awhile It's been a few years since the desire crossed my mind.

But I sit here now, having failed an exam I spent a year studying for, reminded that I have no one to comfort me. And I won't. Because no one wants to be with me.

I'm drowning in debt. I have no real friends. Family ignores me because I don't have kids for them to care about. 

I hate my job and have tried more than 10x to get a promotion in the past 12 months and I can't get anywhere. 

Maybe I'm not meant to be here anymore. I've reached the end of this miserable existence.",0.7534408602150542,2.579243483870968,2.3335483870967764,96.73698924731184,81.90322580645163,5.746236559139786,23.23655913978495,6.816661863887847,0.4848301075268817,448,16,107,5,12,146,81,124,0.173,0.725,0.102,-0.8422,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,5,7,1,1,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,13,21,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,7,4,0,3,4,0,14,3,15,14,2,13,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,67,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964821129190606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700237695125255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22581317339491785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616515253064987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087912190423238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839040154086706,0.0,0.0,0.1711145595130385,0.0,0.2314278589008053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186652135451252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978428954894785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250598801556595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363121999963675,0.0,0.17678287264310155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30016056509417544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114273020182312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520922285946501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321018166031391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758300320176418,0.12914651317715015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503700836963367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063438348272505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852511517298166
suicidewatch,katt_twinkletoes,2019/04/10,"I don't want to live anymore I think what I have is depression I don't know what's wrong with me or if it happens I've been thinking of suicide and it scared me. So I started to listen to music to drown out my thoughts I tried to get my ""freinds"" to help but they all didn't care I'm alone and I haven't been leaving my bed I need someone to talk to please help me get rid of these thoughts I feel insane and ever time I type any of this I just think of how insane I must be and i just want to stop my thoughts.",0.5707758620689667,1.87322831896552,2.158137931034481,100.25065517241379,80.4655172413793,4.9848275862068965,21.944827586206888,4.935628992294339,-0.3304800000000001,399,12,103,1,10,130,67,116,0.213,0.684,0.103,-0.899,0,1,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,27,28,9,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,1,8,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,2,21,1,15,20,1,5,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,65,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747199309621226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309315342347475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795134945574282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845519780689328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590383309299574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373410265579533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152420354069048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891407330151924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600667354834618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265466339987746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947848043386116,0.0,0.0,0.19166368205806428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983533626002402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342167809798397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198694859914236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122280287709927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336936791706796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811996195502942,0.0,0.0,0.1513326449868505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799579625423686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548915441223656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34795211103516266,0.0,0.4311056754341229,0.10554851211388616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289405428095584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352902944585275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979062548337742,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unknownweeb34,2019/04/10,I really wanna do it.. The knife is right there... The pills are right there... The only thing stopping me is myself..,-0.054090909090909634,2.0718285909090923,1.5731818181818191,93.57977272727274,104.0,4.0181818181818185,10.045454545454547,5.985473137389443,-1.0131272727272722,87,1,17,1,4,28,17,22,0.07400000000000001,0.926,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33855894679211096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851764366468425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7603165289107877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37216787463195256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957399000564725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LordCalvin_,2019/04/10,"Why not... I really dont think life is all that bad, but for some reason, I just want to hang myself. Yeah I'd miss my kids but maybe it would just be better for then and my wife if I did do it? Iunno, i just feel done with all this",-2.1812668463611864,-0.4048961886792437,0.4987061994609192,104.97264150943396,95.7924528301887,3.783288409703504,7.571428571428571,5.288315135182226,-2.205472237196765,174,0,48,1,7,59,41,53,0.076,0.774,0.149,0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,17,11,5,0,3,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,1,4,7,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751451303032577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914439304700513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372252485713934,0.38620859339537467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662108363448008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327579219716109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310587949027756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110638788706607,0.3388133791051373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115055016679565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436628179926788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973510231998542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340898014437433,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TeemoDown,2019/04/10,"I feel like the best possible life I envision myself living is not a life worth living. I graduate from college this month from a passionless field that I chose pretty much at random. I've always been effectively a waste of skin. I'm 21 and I've never even had a job, every summer since highschool I'd apply all over looking for part-time work and only ever got 1 interview. It's honestly pathetic.

Even if I'm able to get any sort of decent job after I graduate (which I probably won't since I haven't applied to places during the semester), is there really a point to continue living? I have no passion, no goals in life, I have nothing interesting about me. I'd pretty much just keep living for the sake of seeing new games and anime that come out, and if that's not pathetic I don't know what is. At the very best my life would just being slaving away at a 9-5 just to go home by myself and waste away the rest of the day.

I have constant suicidal thoughts that have been growing in intensity now that the real world's finally catching up to me. Not a day goes by without me thinking about ending it all,the method I would use, how people would react, and what I'd say in my suicide note. I've been depressed for probably 8+ years at this point with no hope of getting better. Between being constantly riddled with a mixture of anxiety and apathy towards my own wellbeing, I just continue living on as a piece of shit. The way I figure it is I'll see if I can get a job or some shred of hope in my  life in the next 2-3 months after school, then decide whether or not to kill myself once and for all.

In one of my favorite shows 'Welcome to the N.H.K' a character expresses her thoughts on an average life, saying that only 10% of one's life is things that make you think ""I'm happy I'm alive"", while the rest is negatives. This is pretty much my view on life at this point. You spend so much of your day with obligations and suffering that the payoff at the end isn't even worth it. I feel no pleasure in my own success, and I constantly feel like I've accidentally stumbled my way through my life so far. 

I don't see a future for myself where my life is worth living. I don't know why I'm even posting this or what I hope to gain. I just don't want to suffer anymore.",4.972690425206487,4.975147394004285,6.176313092688898,80.48783458244112,68.63597430406853,9.412327929030283,29.52653716732945,9.23628265651192,2.3361624961761995,1791,60,367,32,28,604,221,467,0.119,0.733,0.14800000000000002,0.9572,3,0,1,0,0,2,45.0,0,3,0,8,18,20,2,0,26,0,29,13,2,5,4,64,60,23,3,10,17,0,4,2,0,4,10,2,1,0,22,15,0,1,12,2,4,4,18,5,0,2,7,11,42,15,62,47,14,61,0,3,5,1,10,29,1,12,27,242,64,12,0.0652834490582112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054321059364497236,0.0,0.0,0.04439498402444133,0.0,0.04994165984087366,0.0,0.06474363927968736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122671898779839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370219042357151,0.0577379054887725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623591077201953,0.0,0.21164464818526565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630727163266922,0.0,0.05622853901306231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564351742260008,0.0,0.0,0.17247640960030655,0.059052617221146166,0.055004121483612924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902782017599493,0.09327701810287196,0.0,0.07151482741349033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023237229737658,0.0,0.037102088557455344,0.0,0.052213137968419615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949544546326836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654846222924644,0.1945235857099248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435124936649725,0.058026929116232084,0.07222646383523186,0.0,0.07175615258540834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611163073077255,0.06378839123091426,0.0,0.34587888939979355,0.0,0.05482165515210755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357720918064583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421725239565964,0.0,0.19196338667083027,0.0,0.050350620510666085,0.06305116190734034,0.06942968869798953,0.0,0.0,0.06264123007571132,0.0,0.0,0.06952474262570732,0.0884755092615704,0.0993020095873024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069561350437405,0.0,0.045259323624141534,0.0,0.06820730939199406,0.0,0.1851418825066623,0.07359727979466542,0.06252349818565843,0.1992502125473743,0.1407731995203876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430685739413505,0.041822249144941766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038320379537385,0.0,0.06607033576391402,0.15606736986825462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701252230988243,0.10800628736300072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428189946742735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337142271533083,0.08366199625272723,0.0,0.1036555326403932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056383939234771425,0.0,0.0538656825089042,0.038505869690374124,0.10363792633595932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058908158584099264,0.0,0.0,0.06293091524680322,0.0,0.04752712843650342,0.0,0.0,0.13912646741188447,0.0,0.0,0.04204040079153413
suicidewatch,SpiritCreations,2019/04/10,"I don't know what to do anymore This may be a long one so please read if you have time

ever since I was young I remember being attracted to boys, just couldn't put a label on it for the longest time, only recently did I realize I was gay. Gay, the one word no parent wants to hear from their son, I haven't come out to my dad and it eats away at me how I am going to have a life when I'm older, I have a lot of family issues and have cut my wrists for years now, only recently was I admitted to therapy and after spilling my guts to my therapist she sent me the psych ward and I almost had to stay overnight on suicide watch, since then I was diagnosed with depression and I can't find ways to be happy anymore, I know it will hurt my family if I do it but I just can't see a future for myself, my grades are horrible compared to my straight A national honors society brother, I have an 8% in math and 4 other F's. if I fail my dad will see me as a fuck up and I don't know how much longer that will last. Because of my sexuality, grades, and degrading comments from close family I'm not sure what I'm gonna do and have come very close to suicide only to be talked out of it by friends. I need advice or just a hug anything I'll take. thanks for reading.",5.18487394957983,3.774610176470592,6.6937605042016814,81.67602941176472,68.55882352941177,10.418487394957985,30.457983193277308,9.606745405546679,2.3795233193277303,976,30,225,18,14,339,151,272,0.14,0.768,0.092,-0.9442,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,1,1,2,9,13,2,0,12,0,31,9,2,2,2,43,51,20,2,6,9,5,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,1,10,16,1,0,7,2,0,5,8,6,0,2,7,4,35,7,33,34,2,34,0,3,3,4,15,12,1,7,15,151,45,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204295360314123,0.0,0.0,0.1148139196365126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274208333390925,0.0,0.0,0.09435417125580853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772542970314826,0.0,0.0,0.06989475389158846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19753628053108246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875519311286432,0.11637595815213644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732426417319974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371517239919016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324269472188322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479578655840782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858486825824871,0.10599993037975296,0.0,0.0,0.06516306460551849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205609922739168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922845617941076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274428955041952,0.0,0.0,0.11967367881658385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903992963329425,0.09346197610380057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098668536468037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146915934564643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747855161053386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428718607144206,0.08501782067631902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539112621894074,0.2616088548293441,0.0,0.0,0.12731468898027387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258605954201229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526345564029755,0.0,0.0,0.22937904499439896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264228611959121,0.0,0.12988572268190365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827359501121649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969338263366264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221069910467405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508355658319084,0.0,0.1080642739316176,0.0,0.08620891827309222,0.09215815451591522,0.0,0.1055621366787455,0.13112198079635656,0.13312734916207514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371658014802995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460526579015878,0.06762855062565827,0.09101057584607393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383631109009776
suicidewatch,apples-and-apathy,2019/04/10,"What's the point? Why do you keep living? I'm struggling so hard to find a reason. I'm trying to care and stay engaged and be an active participant in my life, but I just...can't.",-0.5252631578947344,1.6592759473684209,1.9687368421052616,94.48415789473684,92.15789473684212,4.092631578947368,15.494736842105262,5.6839178017228535,-0.7387536842105265,138,3,31,1,5,47,33,38,0.091,0.74,0.16899999999999998,0.4266,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192242700566047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861658927312279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804743024047501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782958815569379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115037138263108,0.0,0.0,0.2764712634388572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959788049562063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219168825009712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337208007986525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273180024342645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125729844926486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282522238790539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hope_is_a_thing,2019/04/10,Do you think anyone would not be able to recover if i left? Hear me out. I know if I left it would be a bit selfish. And people would be hurt. But they'd get over it right? And they'd move on with their lives? And lead fulfilling lives independent and free of my one decision? Because that bit of selfishness is winning the battle at the moment.,1.1121428571428569,3.4972178571428607,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,84.71428571428572,6.357142857142858,20.17857142857143,7.6454224807358475,0.7429999999999999,270,8,58,5,8,88,52,70,0.165,0.7490000000000001,0.086,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,2,0,6,1,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,0,18,14,7,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,0,1,9,3,8,6,2,10,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,2,1,40,12,1,0.1991604603711314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392576246028496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121406368101681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4348632812365549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104053120499052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446831337963435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320539196191285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945338052396904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327768458577532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517246705929788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167605075906007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495628226070538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807278658075606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008194496267856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761398125889387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244336305646679,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EchosSky,2019/04/10,"I'm worried for my friend. Note: I'm on my backup since (s)he knows my main. 


*it really wasn't a cake, it was just an Oreo with Pocky in it.
----------


My friend came out as transgender about a year ago to me. I told him I was so proud, and made him this Oreo-Pocky cake thing*. You know, cheesey friend things, but we didn't care. 

But, the thing is, his family is not only homophobic, but super strict. 

""Oh, you didn't have straight As? Disappointment.""

""Being gay is not Holy!""

He doesn't cut, but almost did a few times. He's always stressed, always hitting the books. 

The thing is, he wants death but, he's afraid of it at the same time.

I'm trying my best to help, but at this point I don't know what to do.  

My apologies if this is the wrong subreddit.

Thanks you for listening, r/SuicideWatch.",-0.3772049689440991,1.8849299130434791,1.065465838509315,99.89149068322985,94.59006211180125,4.787577639751553,14.453416149068325,6.498293943080001,-0.6605006211180124,600,12,142,8,23,190,98,161,0.11,0.723,0.16699999999999998,0.8812,0,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,1,3,0,3,3,13,1,2,9,0,16,1,0,1,0,22,30,11,1,2,10,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,12,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,9,1,17,8,15,19,4,12,0,1,0,1,18,7,0,2,4,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480642557225467,0.0,0.16725894652685436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779688838866329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529033046305048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910407112416524,0.1703007919191142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746339956207905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871467446630822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195838097283904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27539012327143186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805021434049804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703576244465994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789972631585034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700531297117996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817103119059415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133519365849372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378110798680408,0.0,0.0,0.4438759518241384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947960177610788,0.0,0.0,0.15960673617210952,0.0,0.11340412053660093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985201112251586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16962963763443056,0.0,0.0,0.18262384546942648,0.0,0.10756347006928092
suicidewatch,lokkol2332,2019/04/10,"My friend is missing i think he killed himself Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this

Okay so basically my best friend has been missing for over a week now and I've tried contacting him but he won't respond to me. I'm getting scared that he killed himself. He has tried to commit suicide seven times and I'm getting worried the he finally succeeded. I've been freaking out for the past few days wondering what I would do if he did kill himself.",2.367524154589372,4.632457902173915,3.4031884057971027,88.87031400966184,78.67391304347827,6.262801932367151,27.613526570048307,7.3871296695380915,1.546764251207729,365,16,73,5,9,117,60,92,0.308,0.565,0.127,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,12,3,1,4,1,10,0,0,0,1,10,18,6,4,3,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,9,5,7,13,2,11,0,2,0,0,14,4,0,3,6,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076271592906285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723049348756368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991267422926341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808794007820548,0.0,0.1899409334814056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6033246938150391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352577731797938,0.0,0.0,0.18991724948512587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409117746260588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523572594268584,0.0,0.0,0.1819895048404414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348336963817928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19883345996604115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647473237390188,0.0,0.0,0.10599505774821473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682796790857656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145809756870675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712833719327266,0.0,0.18460236963286292,0.0,0.12912846759377025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,r2000i3,2019/04/10,"I would be dead right now if I wasn't on vivitrol I'm 20 and recovering heroin addict (3 mo clean) and I just opened up my hospital bills today.  I've been 7k in debt for months and too depressed to care. Last year I went to the ER three times. One for overdose, and two in the same night for staying awake for five days after quitting heroin. I still can't go to sleep without taking seroquel. This year I went only one time for a second overdose. I had to be given two nalaxones and defibulated, as my heart had stopped. My gf saved my life that night by giving me cpr until the paramedics came. I haven't told anyone but I tried to take my life that night. I'm crying while writing this because I just want to go back to that place. No pain, no misery, just nothingness. I really don't know how much longer I can do this shit. I feel like a failure. All my friends growing up ended up graduating and being successful. Here I am a junky and working for minimum wage. I'm a fucking loser. I hope these thoughts go away,  but it's going to be a hard night.  Like the title says, if it wasn't for the opioid blocker I'm on,  I would have bought a g and ended it all. It's the only way I want too die. I just want to go back. 

Sorry if I made any mistakes, I'm pretty fucked up rn.",1.1051521239954063,3.0271936082089574,2.9158208955223905,92.51672215843858,81.20149253731344,5.4663605051664765,20.755453501722158,6.490185161304077,0.18120734787600495,989,28,219,9,26,329,152,268,0.217,0.662,0.12,-0.9858,2,0,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,4,12,14,3,0,12,0,18,9,3,2,2,39,48,17,2,10,10,0,2,2,2,2,4,1,1,0,11,10,0,2,3,0,4,9,9,7,1,7,13,3,26,7,30,29,4,45,0,2,0,2,6,12,3,4,24,137,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459004880494478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148129505700865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349832817895313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987582987647614,0.16165274108079875,0.0,0.06407667164509097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022270014541304,0.10717098417582796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546306870552422,0.06778999587318194,0.0,0.09053475017818316,0.0,0.10909199691785863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862000532709781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314892352820458,0.07509364176568406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121100941154548,0.1943528621298526,0.0,0.1008351674700511,0.29869425540806965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941617221629667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456089328902653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044021686325589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577680432578763,0.08568214380429039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849060785837995,0.10270702681813307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946164565175226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390119213043949,0.0,0.07727106892980201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394570414919194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245627342412365,0.1598882487074662,0.11184897394402914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982201964549887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693898230656984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180194448179223,0.0,0.0,0.06733888065893791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976699583834344,0.0,0.08359107120362459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789826790138958,0.0,0.0,0.10519016304269643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766679792657075,0.0,0.11203780544378772,0.0839443764608165,0.08788022036325244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580656699251416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834489737498287,0.12258592988165515,0.0,0.0996360190601722,0.10044117120007852,0.0,0.07136567640433647,0.0,0.205362698643498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599732559306825,0.08343479960977933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488392714996508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132638674873254,0.0,0.07652442647826359,0.0,0.0,0.14934029576904606,0.0,0.0,0.13538026240262252
suicidewatch,MaestroAngeles,2019/04/10,"Im sitting at work after a week in the psych ward And ive got a paracord bracelet in my bag. A tutorial on nooses, and im in the city of trees...",-1.9417647058823528,-0.25861311764705874,1.9544117647058847,96.1898529411765,91.94117647058823,4.576470588235295,20.264705882352946,5.985473137389443,-0.14791764705882304,110,4,29,1,4,41,25,34,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,16,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141833917746307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8486512801610488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31510588990959104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859861520393717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,big_oof20,2019/04/10,"Die or not? I want to die but i'm low key scared of what will happen. I don't want to put people in trouble. Low key, I just want to live somewhere far from everyone and be at peace. IRL, all I do is keep getting negativity. For real, all that keeps me up rn is this one girl in half of my classes but in the end ik that it will never work. TO BE HONEST, I HATE BEING TALL BECAUSE OF IT, ALL I GET IS JUST TO GET TAKEN AS A  BODY GUARD OR TO GET  TREATED AS IF I'M A INSENSITIVE PIECE OF SHIT. To be honest, all I want is just affection but ik  that no one would like me arround. I've wrote multiple notes and talked about it to multiple people but in the end all I get is the same answer. Idk, in the end we all live the same life and we don't do much for our society. I'm thinking of doing it, all I got on my mind is suicide or self harm, I sometimes wake up at night crying bcoz that's the only thing that appears and I can't no more. I'm sorry for not being clear and random (I mostly speak french).",-0.3004938028723174,1.4999128597285107,2.3601062364745253,95.25592956915207,85.56108597285069,5.11044658666142,17.753492032264408,6.280692351149826,-0.3512767656895539,766,18,186,7,23,266,117,221,0.254,0.653,0.093,-0.9903,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,3,0,0,1,4,11,2,1,8,0,20,4,3,1,9,48,42,15,3,6,13,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,2,12,7,0,3,2,0,0,2,9,7,0,3,3,1,19,4,30,31,13,21,0,2,0,0,8,14,1,7,6,127,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169292957031897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885795611802166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472067149801145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781681567437921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560865627222621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805492723242892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500806579347493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718223982629274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850703373771272,0.0,0.0,0.1323098475506028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23823338243646755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465716974828106,0.06547186123136761,0.0,0.2366714299436985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531467646819434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851479219877972,0.0,0.10335889572928908,0.0,0.0,0.12576188919058315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816210176481384,0.10192273650797032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581513648892709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471983002128596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525358505511287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341701431576844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980452711034708,0.0,0.1375621637972971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254203812100776,0.1500163037341022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658819920176636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771437349756917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903211743170424,0.08586996008676809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3161767723954765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756287931626327,0.0,0.0,0.09519881378862123,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anon2065,2019/04/10,Where can I buy Ativan (lorazepam) ? I have looked everywhere online but all of the websites that sell them without a needed prescription look like just a scam. Also Is there any way I could get it without having to ship it just in case someone I am living with accidentally got it before I did. Please help I can’t seem to find it anywhere to buy any advice would help !,4.937083333333334,6.072250763888893,5.431555555555558,81.76899999999998,69.1388888888889,7.426666666666668,26.9,7.554174236665415,1.462263333333334,293,9,55,3,5,94,56,72,0.104,0.7240000000000001,0.173,0.6643,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,12,15,2,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,7,1,8,11,1,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665631905387636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730457646097622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30154619607172906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866225288354285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702055877849332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264254589825254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583639499171534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732491052003968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972203923298975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831824333255567,0.0,0.19577749170679826,0.0,0.3723677784042669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439809456431007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433753524049235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184006532286766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785752173482587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598622424419189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274486977523963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574992383443371,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwaway1423957368,2019/04/10,"No ones ever gonna love me, are they? All I’ve ever wanted was for someone to love. To care about me as much as I do them. But every single person I love runs away from me, wanting nothing to do with who I am. I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve lost and it’s about to happen again with my closest friend. She hates me and I just wish that I could be someone actually tough enough to handle this situation. But I’m not, I’m me. And what me does is cry all day. I’ve been missing classes and assignments because of this and I’m tempted to drop out and just lay in bed and rot away in hopes of my next life being something better. I’ve given up hope that I’ll ever be loved, and I doubt anyone would even care if I was gone.",1.4221770682148076,2.6739203710691832,3.3548427672956014,92.79435413642963,77.99371069182389,5.647024673439767,20.40686985970005,5.873414542411696,-0.1191977745524917,565,13,132,3,13,191,98,159,0.118,0.674,0.208,0.9652,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,3,10,16,1,1,0,0,13,5,0,1,5,31,35,14,0,8,6,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,7,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,7,0,18,10,23,22,5,16,0,3,0,4,10,7,0,4,6,88,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.12519778720127497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970711497088515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24107547154130826,0.0,0.0,0.07820767482251195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346684065349225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616113872847781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243342401906916,0.0,0.14092645419142655,0.08273990857131874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227215443218937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256342639461624,0.0,0.08473789064105391,0.3481515575434108,0.10809439370605617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912069483329183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345118368856776,0.0,0.0,0.12666512986471745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548525273099375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906188233208194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28009913227380434,0.0,0.4631663694062271,0.0,0.0,0.13007138183890626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943118685302819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644359554484128,0.0,0.0,0.1231028803551182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693627198748435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889438648366613,0.11202258005310163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420938611672648,0.0,0.0,0.2174085237536013,0.09876805395602516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134388209601485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753335914464405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113735927245296,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,confidentialcat,2019/04/10,"Need advice on who to talk to (Please delete if not allowed.) I know the community info has some links,  but I feel like I need a little more specific advice. I’m not actively suicidal in that I have a plan, think I could do it, etc. I’m more so in that mindset where I can’t imagine moving on in life/it doesn’t feel worth it. But it feels wrong to contact suicide helplines since I don’t have such a plan or know if I’d ever even be capable of it. I have a therapist who I’m about to have my last session with (university limits), but I’ve never been able to be truly honest with her or any other therapist because of involuntarily commitment laws. I have a degree in counseling myself, so I know it could go either way in what they attempted to do if I admitted these thoughts. But the main thing keeping me from truly considering suicidal options is knowing how many people are counting on me in the near future for various things. If I took that away by getting myself involuntarily committed, that’s when life would truly not be worth living anymore. I just need someone to talk to and get help from, but I also don’t want to take away from people who are actively suicidal/needing help. Any advice on whom to contact?",6.091782762691853,6.055532983471077,7.242337662337666,73.92636363636367,66.27272727272728,10.220070838252656,32.98819362455726,9.957137785484203,3.178187957497048,970,38,183,20,14,330,134,242,0.059,0.736,0.205,0.9891,1,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,1,4,11,3,0,0,8,0,22,1,0,2,4,50,45,17,3,11,16,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,18,3,0,2,13,0,2,3,8,1,0,0,3,3,21,2,33,36,7,24,0,0,0,0,13,15,0,8,6,135,39,1,0.11148744450706913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268327213953429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915646909299889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163057066436011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056558738101736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094922481132899,0.0,0.0,0.06796171138246136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802730524593968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433797100039876,0.07363640563378801,0.10084677633329876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911420529701052,0.0796466526320949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649517656072825,0.0,0.06336088394253428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945536799723738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909516321653153,0.0,0.0,0.2450823354101046,0.09087714730426157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574937582615624,0.05446713393781152,0.11173970819865732,0.09844545604441134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303077008382212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849350979857948,0.0,0.3306661097988473,0.08598599018679351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458271288561182,0.0,0.0,0.12237973501751655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922235661757103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446294994040763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658475074388116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838246834856541,0.17921876965088396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889103193348384,0.14813460847807036,0.07143665277442471,0.0,0.08850857767021585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238666530024322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575818331035417,0.08849354413631969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919748184677199,0.12189401897623575,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GiantJeb,2019/04/10,"Can’t Handle Failure, Want To End It All I’ve dealt with really bad anxiety all my life. Recently I had an exam at college. I studied for it for 3 whole days and felt I mastered the concepts. 

Anyways, I got tripped up on a small part of the 2nd question and completely lost control. I had full fledged panic attack and was on the verge of tears. As a 20 year old guy, I felt this was totally inexcusable. In the flight or fight stress response mode, I choose flight. I straight up dipped out of the classroom and I’ve been hating myself since.

What’s worse is that flipping through the exam before hand, I was completely confident with the rest of the questions. Had I stayed, I easily would have pulled a B. Unfortunately, leaving guaranteed an F.

It was 30% of my grade. If I don’t do better on the next exam I’m going to fail. Grades are super important to me. I derive all my self worth from academic success and external validation. Deep down I hate myself. All that keeps afloat is external validation.

The test was yesterday. Since then I’ve been cutting my arms and legs with a razor. Putting staples in my arms. Really letting the blood pour. I’ve  also been drinking heavily and popping Xanax like candy. It’s all
I can do to numb myself. Taking to parents and hanging out with friends has done nothing. I’ve decided to isolate myself. 

If I panic on  the next test and fail it, I’ve decided that I’m going to kill myself. There’s a bridge in town I’ve been looking at and I’m sure the fall would be fatal. I figure that if I can’t handle something as insignificant as this, there’s no way that I’ll make it through later challenges in life. 

I’m horrified by hurting my parents and my friends. I really don’t want to do this. I just couldn’t I’ve with myself if I fail this class.

Will keep people posted. I know a lot of you have deeper problems than me. I jut can’t turn to anybody else. Please help me.",1.8101834044450127,4.213547253263709,3.4578704706107115,86.90955040438135,81.68929503916449,6.347551423294912,24.74616315353754,7.590005382236693,1.412192944023435,1510,59,297,25,41,500,198,383,0.193,0.696,0.111,-0.9879,2,0,2,0,1,1,45.0,0,1,0,10,5,26,6,3,21,0,34,10,5,2,7,51,55,21,2,10,6,2,3,1,2,3,4,0,0,2,16,18,1,3,9,1,1,7,7,18,0,0,17,4,40,8,45,32,11,41,0,5,1,0,11,21,0,8,11,190,56,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451497177714098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084750692917622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023011730888432,0.0,0.0,0.08824121935958196,0.0,0.0,0.08992878410768954,0.0,0.0,0.09346837347723196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161405521365968,0.0,0.11853291250061455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815704598168018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815080426820678,0.0,0.10352949175938203,0.0,0.0,0.08828491445786006,0.0,0.09360411834456177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029452626848476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330145566127938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012461625397618,0.0,0.0845246643212488,0.0,0.0,0.10464317530429164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868094319982491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083735110154009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313625877536153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878725123975104,0.11692301685595426,0.0,0.05808082933010442,0.0,0.0,0.11190345447420652,0.0,0.10806843034975797,0.1492946128302544,0.05163156789816587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874743368364164,0.0,0.11536590846821455,0.08984824206853782,0.0,0.0,0.07054448595444987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479097635065945,0.0,0.0,0.10140606657316896,0.0,0.11089694385090894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479933835471123,0.2346978038837441,0.11444481662941178,0.0,0.07326755842660038,0.0,0.0,0.11600863017927204,0.0,0.0,0.10121547759740873,0.0,0.0,0.1011247349378903,0.0,0.10624100063984226,0.2367791754990902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20311046458885154,0.0,0.10434960156087733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025082834380384,0.0,0.0,0.17484479077782378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136023971067559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264443608470084,0.0,0.0,0.12105997044165898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960534787141352,0.0,0.07946075961832977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495318461909385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466960755912347,0.08388655877947435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799173491906315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770040698765647,0.15014890139085094,0.0,0.0,0.06805664059081146
suicidewatch,zephyrlilly,2019/04/10,"I'm just done. I was having a good day. I woke up excited and happy, finally feeling like myself again after five months, three suicide attempts, and an involuntary hospital stay. But now I'm getting evicted. I've only been working for three weeks, get paid Friday, and it definitely won't be enough to pay my total rent. My phone is disconnected so I can't contact anyone for any sort of help and I don't really have anyone I can go to. My ex was helping me with the rent and I thought we had a deal for just one more month before I just took over and also started paying him back. That was the reason I took this job that I hate so much.

I had a friend over and made him take my cat because I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired of getting over a mountain only to fall back down the cliff. I have things here and I'm strongly debating just doing it again but making it successful. Honestly, it's for the best. With working this horrible job, dealing with rude people every single day (coworkers and customers), I just don't have the energy to live anymore.",3.7124471830985932,5.054402366197189,5.0582130281690185,82.50872799295776,72.28638497652581,7.766314553990611,27.397007042253517,8.278499904357787,1.8562021126760568,836,30,163,13,16,279,126,213,0.092,0.757,0.151,0.8682,5,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,1,0,0,6,15,11,2,0,10,0,21,1,0,3,1,28,40,14,1,0,8,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,10,13,0,0,3,0,5,4,5,2,0,4,13,1,22,9,19,25,6,23,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,14,118,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514575180387242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941196590190174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607887442623437,0.1838699203125028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220239941005605,0.0,0.08014993538755824,0.0,0.11188111898972014,0.0,0.13798177990775362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958945118912494,0.2711034191542024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455127989582746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585559325724195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077888060167512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648102464339263,0.09393044896078226,0.0,0.14403161642439294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158232301993207,0.0,0.2060810569151032,0.0,0.07472399753905043,0.11028048999615664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996455988537584,0.0,0.1298108145722737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17625862922859906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26095031023898696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423524624466229,0.0,0.11610062166849025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441102616382375,0.0877649587443224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098946451351464,0.0,0.09665407117826892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890953042453367,0.1999952942954558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911527549688268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423045072906588,0.13518493647066024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306332116024417,0.14014184315035916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438194805400735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885776606548972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735050263347689,0.0,0.0,0.10438166781278542,0.0,0.1511187054286582,0.0,0.0,0.29216169024784433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054665723485193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914402755428596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_WaySheGoes_,2019/04/10,"At least I know I’m not ready to die but it still hurts. This is going to sound dumb af but whatever. I was feeling like I just wanted to end it but I tested myself first. I stood at the edge of my steps with my eyes closed and pretended it was a building, I let myself teeter a little bit and I went to spit but I actually almost fell and I instantly tried to stop myself from falling, maybe that’s a sign that I don’t actually want to end it.",-0.7620673076923055,1.3845481458333353,1.9170833333333341,94.47086538461541,93.58333333333334,5.037179487179489,15.71794871794872,6.67199483983844,-0.2766464743589738,346,8,80,5,13,119,63,96,0.157,0.752,0.09,-0.8091,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,5,2,2,0,0,18,13,7,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,1,0,5,2,2,0,1,4,3,15,1,11,8,2,14,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,1,6,54,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.4276724991016408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194239422408744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392298265612537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274191314016142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881627945054883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107971470429323,0.1565443045010406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18638923319647305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453486972229945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23457988357139314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042641615928153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407210635738486,0.0,0.10705433710874912,0.21962272521242487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201424284285969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749950291508856,0.18319990418217025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148772784423254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25849345154834963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031328359950718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,extrathiccthrowaway,2019/04/10,"Today I was almost hit by a car It wasn’t even intentional. I was walking across the street like a total idiot with my headphones on and a car came speeding down the road. It swerved right by me — I felt the wind on my body but didn’t flinch. I just kept walking as if I wasn’t nearly pancaked by a two ton chunk of metal on wheels. If that’s not apathy, I don’t know what is. 

Every night when I lay in bed I think about suicide. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the guts to go through with it. But, not being afraid of death has to be some sort of mutant super power, right? I can only assume that normal people with healthy brains possess a standard fear of death. Has anyone else found a way to channel this unique ability into something positive?",4.1268387096774175,4.519969458064518,5.0717741935483875,86.30766129032261,70.54838709677419,7.232258064516129,25.822580645161292,6.742157984588678,0.9598903225806452,586,16,123,4,10,192,104,155,0.14400000000000002,0.733,0.123,-0.7482,1,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,2,10,0,14,3,3,1,2,29,23,8,3,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,6,1,0,6,7,3,0,1,9,1,13,2,24,11,3,24,0,0,0,0,0,12,0,7,6,84,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201682295461148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083004811949976,0.20636760374394195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237203001186351,0.0,0.22483936101128887,0.0,0.23035855462332866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825160503732006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330289266397392,0.18218622018863007,0.1696960009472238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266414295519033,0.0,0.0,0.19338448924784635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083487430237486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446553249406374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137854052864636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839839821792294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890089608035236,0.1973383263187179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318082953118767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963183153250053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440048408360111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505469990658788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030905686537972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905493090712394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091244258665407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19674759581943796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986930771101254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hulabooper,2019/04/10,"Strongly considering ending it tonight I whine. I am a horrible person all around. Obviously, people do not like these things. A quick solution to these things would be to kill myself. Then, I wouldn't offend anyone anymore. People wouldn't be annoyed by my whining because it would stop.",4.245882352941177,7.465897019607843,4.6151960784313735,77.1133823529412,78.80392156862746,6.537254901960785,28.10784313725491,7.793537801064563,2.3628666666666667,232,10,35,4,6,73,38,51,0.285,0.573,0.14300000000000002,-0.8569,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,2,9,8,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,2,1,6,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28567500245217525,0.20141605453383865,0.0,0.0,0.2564316774670733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755967885281815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25513287861811856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186922369950139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407300317378741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3994047146919315,0.25152013973830045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082843373026944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827443569253834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092546579220192,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,apush841,2019/04/10,"EXTREME GUILT is crippling my ability to function normally.  

I have been hiding couple of big secrets and this is killing me daily. I am only 20 and I feel like I have already screwed up my life extremely bad. I sincerely cannot look at myself in the mirror. For the past week, I have been extremely depressed. I have looked up various ways to kill myself. One day, I got really tensed up and I tried to suffocate myself with a bed-sheet. However, I couldn't go through with it. I have decided not to go with suicide because I do not think my family can handle it. I cannot talk to anyone about this and any advice you can give me would be great.

Background:

I was a normal kid until the age of 10. As a family, we moved to the U.S when I was 11. I started middle school and then the bullying began. I was not extremely bullied but I was made fun off by the other kids. This severely destroyed my self confidence and I would be usually depressed. After this, I kind of started developing a porn addiction. I would masturbate everyday and think of explicit material. My attitude became where I really did not care much for others. I kind of got detached from my family and I started to believe there was no god, etc. I just really did not give a damn about anything. However, others would often praise me as being a very responsible and good kid.

Mistakes:

You would have probably guessed by now that my mistakes were sexual sins. Twice, I found my own aunt's(sibling of a parent) underwear when they came to visit as a family. I took it from her suitcase masturbated with it and then put it back. Once, we were visiting my aunt's family and I found her underwear again in the laundry basket. I masturbated with it and put it back into the laundry basket. I don't even remember if I just rubbed the underwear or ejaculated into it. On a separate occasion, I slightly groped one of my older relative(a different one) while she was sleeping. All of these mistakes happened between the ages of 11 - 16.

Present Life:

After the age of 17, I began watching YouTube videos and reading about other people who overcame struggles, etc. I became really interested in personal development and things of this sort. After this, I started to realize that I actually have a very good life and began to feel very grateful. I got interested in entrepreneurship and began social media marketing, etc. The things I did earlier did not even cross my mind. However, somehow I reflected on my teenage years after watching a movie. This is when the gravity of all my mistakes entered my mind. Now I am depressed and filled with extreme guilt. I cannot sleep, eat, talk to others properly, do college work, etc. Looking back, it almost seems like I was possessed by an evil spirit or something when I made these mistakes. I get freaked out just thinking of these mistake and I would never do them now. Those sexual thoughts would never even cross my mind now but somehow I did these mistakes earlier. It almost feels like an entirely different person did that and I cannot even comprehend now how I did those disgusting things. Looking back, it seems like my life was actually decent and I still cannot wrap my head around what led me to do those things. Currently, I feel very depressed with guilt. I honestly feel like the only time I was ever happy was until the age of 10. I was depressed with inferiority complex throughout my teen years and now I am depressed again with guilt. It feels like I have already failed in life before I even started. Everyone is always happy about their teenage years but I have completely lost those golden years. I am starting my adult life and I am beginning that with guilt as well. My family and relatives usually comment on how good of a kid I am. But, I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I hear stories about people who had difficult teen years and they went on to achieve great things. I am thinking now that I could have achieved great things using the difficulties faced during my teen years, but instead I made those very stupid mistakes. I just do not know if I had some sort of mental illness at that time or something but those mistakes are eating me alive. Furthermore, I now have started thinking about what a terrible father I will be if one day I have kids. How would I even raise them correctly after these wrongdoings. I am just fed up and cannot act normally. I feel like the biggest loser and I feel like I have already failed in life before even starting. I have betrayed myself, my family, and my relatives. I cannot discuss any of this with my family because we are from a conservative culture background(India) and they would never understand. Hence, I have decided to post here. Sorry for the long post. I am completely lost with my life and any advice would help.",4.273444051759338,6.5836628520578415,5.176466115655933,78.21848354711989,72.87096774193549,8.600842004477549,29.73347319806817,9.260393222663428,2.958906129173062,3820,165,662,91,79,1244,337,899,0.17600000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.12,-0.9947,7,0,2,0,0,2,103.0,3,2,6,10,50,68,8,6,36,0,86,19,4,8,8,154,146,57,3,27,24,3,10,9,0,11,10,1,0,9,52,49,3,1,28,2,0,16,20,41,1,5,43,17,127,27,93,86,10,116,3,13,6,2,42,28,2,17,78,507,179,9,0.0,0.0,0.07951563519988482,0.04441423820605637,0.0,0.07962422578955465,0.0,0.0,0.08159343507939401,0.0,0.13487774327384686,0.0,0.03390018374570792,0.0,0.0,0.08311683167209849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028487397374649392,0.0,0.033526775199400734,0.03626856415373367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531076518251266,0.03401744271096939,0.04967126879822957,0.0,0.06933601515601169,0.045901708123280566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659741136093528,0.04153866474099383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543335509061792,0.0,0.0,0.03252876491930711,0.04507968421228024,0.0,0.05254978169743405,0.0,0.21054351589556788,0.0,0.0,0.08513237216799073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337743160725017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817501252913153,0.1883655911702571,0.03685301056131822,0.0,0.03893024001559789,0.0,0.0,0.30725960999608143,0.0,0.18540109522038706,0.20374010217702285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934188267967268,0.0,0.0,0.02128574719109574,0.07816589999338894,0.046308655764887616,0.10251608754228424,0.09775407503703454,0.13475291098892306,0.04488134491205323,0.0,0.036027565410051456,0.08674014823187998,0.0,0.0,0.041812523070861966,0.0,0.04591862068234735,0.0,0.027308162221489053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014884554763873,0.08485198556468716,0.022390457641923708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302153563093553,0.17913810849627565,0.0,0.0,0.03605493694423429,0.1368503637184162,0.0,0.0889482990058042,0.0,0.0,0.11565174991406425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04105783982258459,0.0,0.12341187363243633,0.0,0.0,0.04330175665330434,0.029949683220108138,0.0,0.09426704708952548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975403106415235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04338835761779963,0.11042995317291633,0.061971478662431224,0.0,0.0,0.0452386036590883,0.0,0.038892362582712864,0.056490039222896075,0.07114779588981113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803817163048705,0.0,0.043926217437977165,0.0,0.0,0.08191290145469762,0.0,0.0,0.04075251562610177,0.0,0.10440016798338987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046152166544516315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123256336935823,0.0,0.0741790454339344,0.042502259876296834,0.046026287548029496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154182683462866,0.0415308187661278,0.0,0.06272957951839789,0.0,0.0456067629480676,0.2306962928044492,0.0,0.03253620686152192,0.0,0.0,0.042591851692221946,0.0,0.0445645778863389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549293344689344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240101535907447,0.13052750989581288,0.0,0.032344192509113426,0.04751338137347763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526529490845505,0.027660797640063142,0.0,0.0,0.04241332833242952,0.0,0.035187566714040136,0.08974199152280543,0.16807998187101614,0.0,0.032338698719390116,0.03268036611021667,0.0,0.03663149272607141,0.03776776977250392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029660290240148518,0.0,0.0,0.2894158584983125,0.0,0.0,0.15741710433294698
suicidewatch,PopeUrbanIIXXX,2019/04/10,Will 2 Monsters in an hour kill? I'm just looking for an escape right now. I now realize that I'm doomed to be forever alone and I'm not going to amount to much.,-0.4450000000000003,1.491198944444449,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,87.33333333333334,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.4209111111111117,126,4,30,2,4,44,27,36,0.275,0.682,0.043,-0.8807,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,5,2,6,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439060954924782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409277208941472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174831127661524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690128776205862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559922620255864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116354297286025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620316984218469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,matxzelios,2019/04/10,"I dont fell like anything is real I dont know dude, I'm worried it's like the Truman show and i hate thisvfreling i feel like my mom who I've confided in is just an actor and i am just so fucking sad. I've spent 10 minutes crying. I know I need help this isn't normal but I dont know who to tell.",-2.3870000000000005,-0.6240499857142829,0.9628571428571426,100.62714285714287,98.85714285714286,3.371428571428572,15.571428571428573,4.935628992294339,-1.0726,231,6,59,1,10,82,46,70,0.214,0.7559999999999999,0.03,-0.7993,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,12,16,4,0,2,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,2,1,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,9,3,2,15,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,1,1,0,3,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551583897047981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071103916926684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6629282098032554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533519672895613,0.13469825229905433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430897105707666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615145616627807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263793028373149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108620496733432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763441088874578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082435750475848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980545827259214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473635385511591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146081431073724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16479867951684835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147896886778348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neeredit,2019/04/10,"Feeling suicidal after a breakup that I thought was the one. I don’t know how to stop these thoughts. I just feel like not living anymore. I feel like I can’t tell my love ones because they’ll see me with a different set of eyes, they’ll see me as weak. What can I do? I just want them to stop.",-0.07919642857142861,1.9100564375000035,1.4350892857142874,101.05812500000002,86.1875,4.9071428571428575,21.642857142857146,6.18269132825596,-0.03272053571428568,228,8,57,2,7,73,46,64,0.179,0.638,0.182,-0.2023,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,7,3,1,1,0,14,17,2,1,1,3,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,6,13,3,6,12,0,4,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,0,5,36,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131786800042401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103523679040888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458336208153165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32606477213336216,0.3071293460659766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813424500481726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100333746062168,0.0,0.1898101648901125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400626289630185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131961821926755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34258434517428826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594258312377344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351270727358257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878810964828733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34130224790048524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678667069592126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Melchior94,2019/04/10,"The single most scary thought is, that I might never kill myself I don't really know what I want to achieve with posting here. I probably hope to get some relief by venting and maybe to sort my thoughts a little bit. 

I don't really have one big reason, why I want to die. In fact I probably have most things a functional person would need to mak, whats generelly considered a good life. My parents were only together because my mother got pregnant with me , there were never real feelings between them and when I was 15 the ultimately got a divorce. I fully perceived this when I was a child, but I also can't say that I ever had the impression they weren't trying to make my life as easy as possible. They genuinely cared for me and probably still do. School was difficult, I always was a neurotic anxious mess so I also always was ""that odd guy"". Despite that, compared to what could be expected, I wasn't severly bullied, many just couldn't make sense of me and a few other probably actually tried to somehow reach out. In retrospect I probably always was apathic. I had no drive to be good at anything, I had no drive to make friends and the idea that I had a future was just something unreal. I spend my days mostly watching TV and later on the internet, I never was physically active and the recently the toll of that lifestyle shows more and more. School at least provided my some sort of structure. I had to get up, I had to eat at certain times and graduation was a goal I could actually somehow orient towards. 

After graduation it just got worse. I started at a university and I can remember talking to a single person, the whole semester. I never learned to socialize, but I was suprised it was that bad. I also barely learned anything, I didn't understand the organisational things, I was to anxious to ask anyone and I also didn't really care. I droped out after that semester and did nothing for the following half year. After that I started at a college, with the same results after 3 semester. I can't socialize, I have no motivation to learn and the worst thing is that I don't care. I know, that the state of mind I'm in is unhealthy and bad but if I think about it, there is no will to make things better and honestly there never was hope, that it could get better.

Three years ago I met my current girlfriend on the internet, I droped out again and we moved into the same university city to be closer. I guess I hoped that having someone that close would would at least be a reason for me to get my shit together, at least wanting it, but there was just nothing. I really like her, I can enjoy doing things with her, I care about her probably as much as I am able to care for someone. Which sadly is not that much, if I can't even care for myself. I talked with her about that, I wanted to make sure, she understands how I feel as much as possible and that I have no future. I told her quite directly, that she shouldn't feel bad for leaving me, if she has the impressions this relationship hinders her on the direction towards her goals in life. I know its quite cowardly to try to lay down all responsibility like that, but I truly believe, being honest is the only thing I can do.

I'm soon turning 25, for my whole life it went downhill. There was no major traumatic experience, that would explain my situation, no abuse or anything that would deny me a promising upbringing. I was in therapy for years, but I don't if it helped a single bit. I may know where some neurosis and fears come from, no healthy way to cope with it. Besides my girlfriend, who more and more seems to agree with me, I have no social contacts, no career future, even if I'd care the least bit about it and the only good thing you could say about my body is, that it can be used as prime example, that sitting 16h in front of a screen everyday, in fact is worse then alcohol and tobacco combined.

Besides knowing all of this, and in fact I knew where I was heading towards probably 10 years ago, I simply don't care. I should be angy, sad, devestated about how I life but all I feel and ever felt is apathy. In fact, I even have a quite clear image of what my life will be in 10 more years and all I can hope for is finding the strength to do this one single thing, to kill myself. My body is a husk, moved by the urges of the most basic instincts and instant gratificating dopamine rushes, anyway, just this one time I would have to overcome my self-preservation instinct. I can't imagine how painful it would be to actually experience how depressing my situation is, intead of just indifferently acknowledging it.",6.1348059569634605,6.298161549609812,6.90175890284176,75.72483119833409,66.16833890746935,10.158886014177236,32.86655728739404,9.970008744664717,3.150188044004124,3638,143,689,76,53,1208,346,897,0.162,0.7240000000000001,0.114,-0.9942,3,0,3,0,2,3,97.0,1,1,3,10,42,45,3,1,41,0,97,13,4,14,18,160,157,57,3,29,20,2,5,2,3,13,8,2,0,4,56,39,2,0,30,2,1,9,31,15,0,5,40,9,111,30,105,90,37,84,0,3,2,0,40,35,1,25,38,539,167,13,0.04383098980991063,0.051932555628250436,0.12831817007454033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770705571178445,0.046841998251609486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402065068611403,0.10941268424769417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903308497993447,0.0,0.030647647196363963,0.0,0.10820750991356763,0.0,0.040976058723566564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979113700882376,0.026718964563582512,0.0,0.0,0.04938251598668867,0.0,0.07752989719852017,0.14355626623676893,0.09737269737893696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357508922348352,0.0,0.0,0.03775651666016573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998191521244993,0.0,0.0,0.0282673623800764,0.0,0.03775156729709751,0.0,0.045489647401840784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485004499414047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684986616860765,0.07929527930917603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575023708325795,0.0,0.04932204927667379,0.08864906168711399,0.0,0.04208462383459482,0.0,0.04006073062092615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338637139996657,0.0,0.09159953247315226,0.0,0.0,0.11029006411598027,0.10516693976431732,0.0,0.048284776825101634,0.043399571010212884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04498324078583461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029378988551970932,0.0,0.0,0.17413625099038466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947985236897296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969849922465071,0.0,0.12044182860057688,0.0,0.0,0.04641068951337788,0.0,0.0,0.1857547460346361,0.04282721526461895,0.043930166603712836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628763025664562,0.04443774412136807,0.044034120549502564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649775363443102,0.04425680489734701,0.0,0.0,0.09317081117941968,0.09666246230582863,0.03250012356359347,0.16902580718107005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411403370188306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891030391503829,0.1000063285514459,0.04663926347230196,0.0,0.04866912713597592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654305932384887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882571056687707,0.04197797223323743,0.0,0.3308005423954684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985895877805707,0.0,0.049889262228542834,0.11231701771546776,0.09013111513126484,0.04327781462727636,0.047058079765820285,0.04965196711381136,0.0,0.0,0.06971232468790872,0.0,0.08871860342499006,0.0,0.03990208694609215,0.04572528155541807,0.04951654248996724,0.04499188117162491,0.0,0.09853573798564556,0.0,0.13404052303350314,0.07427571085799843,0.033743237344085006,0.0,0.0,0.06204760036864244,0.0,0.035003485080992325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131018917738327,0.0,0.0,0.07045937864164184,0.0,0.0,0.05012455675627212,0.0,0.23295489616449885,0.028085128452391757,0.0,0.06959381987999431,0.05111640527528377,0.0,0.0,0.041882389099172634,0.0,0.08927509481758394,0.04767553052761645,0.0,0.09125921234999068,0.0,0.03785590224925538,0.0,0.0,0.10341061364669143,0.0347909995464643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063176667768322,0.03955065082909397,0.09787146965575848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933504640503638,0.2179539431189884,0.0,0.0,0.14112860191066487
suicidewatch,icantwhistleyet,2019/04/10,"before i go logistically, what do i do before i go? i’ve tried to find some straight forward answers and can’t. is there anything i need to do with my student loans or bank account? how do i make a living will? how do i say my goodbyes without letting people know what i’m planning to do? how do i make it easier on them? plz don’t tell me to just not do it, im over that",0.9121428571428574,2.252931085365855,3.512717770034847,90.7425609756098,79.60975609756099,5.661324041811848,25.12891986062717,6.18269132825596,0.6236285714285712,287,11,67,2,7,101,53,82,0.0,0.905,0.095,0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,13,0,0,5,0,16,20,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,3,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,8,18,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,1,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154092535930544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454833243890439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392473153205084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975327305976758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827497571502553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438585053160704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26767115830269234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311421773912805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494586570043192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409449577319696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147401758854392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816503178828166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287930457088748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772039625036842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523309034664821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EquivocalEnding,2019/04/10,"Suicide by bow and arrow is it possible to kill yourself with a 30# recurve bow? if so, how?",0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,3.6413157894736834,85.87671052631579,83.73684210526315,5.905263157894738,30.552631578947373,7.1686216300943375,2.0528736842105264,70,4,14,1,2,25,18,19,0.374,0.626,0.0,-0.89,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5758335412489817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5867625244278064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5693201846937849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EeveeNo,2019/04/10,".... Anyone else feel like whenever someone raises their voice, cant help but start crying and backing away from the individual who raised their voice? Like its only little arguments between husband and I.... raisng voice and speaking in the manner is how to get point across straightforwardly.

He hates that my reaction is always crying, backing away, retreating to the bedroom or corner of the closet. He hates that I get a sense of fear when this happens. Sometimes I end up hyperventilating a bit and he tells me to do the breathing exercise  to calm down.",7.005306122448977,8.845140755102044,6.847551020408165,70.90459183673471,64.91836734693878,8.865306122448981,32.36734693877551,9.23628265651192,3.1252897959183663,446,18,69,8,7,141,71,98,0.213,0.6990000000000001,0.087,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,4,6,2,1,7,0,4,2,1,1,0,8,11,8,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,7,3,14,11,1,14,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,7,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512263262744947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708026842584152,0.1862191402215861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415106554736355,0.279501238154742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984183726589028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399276504049004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182455318823934,0.0,0.16097204750677446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045135543760732,0.091895688457889,0.12983860162672126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899084308134232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607164256820864,0.0,0.0,0.35887094816563003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218197836637565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758276767179607,0.1821561481774723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822519550656207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180768722468134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399187436604386,0.0,0.1797503654219668,0.0,0.12863998432744134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885306403896074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FeedingWorms,2019/04/10,"Ready to die before I turn 18 16M, 17th birthday is on the 18th. Parents, grandparents, and best friend will be gone all of next week on April vacation. Parents return the day after my birthday and I'm planning to use this time to ready myself for my suicide (wipe harddrives, erase social media posts/conversations, etc...). I dont think anything will convince me to turn around this time.",4.718333333333334,6.88628527777778,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,71.22222222222223,6.466666666666668,28.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.6468166666666666,308,12,54,3,6,94,56,72,0.103,0.721,0.17600000000000002,0.6124,3,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,11,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,10,7,3,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,8,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673043305283485,0.18098632537355785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299927488086164,0.0,0.2133581437722777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311161898812328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100055838863746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382742790351358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267410364884309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707447674684422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21621929115518726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4514967069875751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20724587404056027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238484984638912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302709105112006,0.0,0.0,0.2370998825431283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44227924977912797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559196364699314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308060470989946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cutthroatsmile,2019/04/10,"I drank bleach two nights ago... Sorta... I attempted to drink bleach, but I just couldn't do it. It burns your mouth so badly, I just couldn't swallow it. It's two days later and I still can't taste anything. I don't know what to do, but I can't believe that on my 6th suicide attempt I fucked it up again.",0.0547402597402602,1.9969842575757573,1.6750216450216475,99.8468181818182,85.2121212121212,4.377489177489178,18.51948051948052,5.288315135182226,-0.6503610389610386,235,6,57,1,7,76,42,66,0.267,0.733,0.0,-0.9676,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,0,9,10,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,1,10,0,4,7,0,8,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,6,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250786896854573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328147714860053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23622203758607174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187480938438093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824566386830168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771487936266377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26155017038926565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554825732080766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654963711924336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259361218141261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094628682678593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527332937954821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RatsAnus,2019/04/10,"if i knew for sure no one would stop me from jumping i would do it tomorrow I might still do it but it would be even worse if someone stopped or messed me up so i dont actually die and end up with physical issues on top of everything.
the sad thing is i actually want to live a good life. i love animals, i love my friends and love painting"" writing, gaming... but i literally cant survive working a shit stressful job for decades. i worked for about 4 years while in hs and it messed me up so badly i have panic atacks at least twice a day. my family members cant provide for me anymore, my parents worked their whole lives and are miserable everyday.it would be cheaper and less stressful for them if i just wasnt there. my parents are pushing me to get any job and i just cant anymore. its not worth it.

the only thing im worried about leaving behind is my cat. i dont put it past my parents to abandon him once im gone.",1.9776838235294143,3.7514270625,3.6876225490196113,88.74022058823532,77.85416666666666,6.600980392156862,27.96078431372549,7.5105763829236425,1.543011887254902,724,32,155,10,17,242,114,192,0.224,0.608,0.168,-0.9007,5,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,5,10,16,1,4,5,0,20,5,1,0,1,28,27,15,1,8,9,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,3,1,1,1,4,8,10,0,2,3,0,27,6,20,17,3,20,0,3,0,3,12,7,1,5,9,108,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.20587818595183352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173407881229849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922748029945085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807638118528095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680297258572881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947778574038863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24725754914456105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342926205759118,0.0,0.0,0.06967249021150176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480399063092364,0.0,0.09944278720034788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149820096163639,0.0,0.05511206704588426,0.0,0.0,0.08847662928609128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278859043432077,0.11009994954870968,0.20935710261996476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169441428564866,0.0,0.0,0.07450786222118633,0.0,0.0,0.18629209325431434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28561562685793945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190394739339364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233911840516803,0.07148002520773067,0.08022683573929736,0.0,0.12376506092756764,0.3513890683101995,0.0,0.10069829708059086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106042538144554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082798352656578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937792248855679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424123418702731,0.17638199331872928,0.2416676510202956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941928104444876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401603862972538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221835983958667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117771321575868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303851337197956,0.10712612584934383,0.10749921826215872,0.29973683431462506,0.0,0.0,0.06792950802775911
suicidewatch,MrFartbox,2019/04/10,Isolated In the hospital for what must be the 9th or 10th time over suicide. In a room with no tv and no outlets to charge my phone. No friends or family to visit me or even call. Waiting list to get into a psychiatric facility is 2+ weeks long. Want to die more than when I came In here. Can someone just please talk to me?,1.6913725490196114,3.378589705882355,3.580000000000002,89.58166666666668,78.41176470588233,7.47450980392157,24.568627450980397,8.344100000000001,1.41831568627451,252,9,57,5,6,85,55,68,0.219,0.696,0.085,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,8,5,2,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,13,5,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,4,38,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010752567613301,0.3372303445235226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060081969617298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474592916971925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277958745751295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278007119273925,0.0,0.1540471809279867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609333534281112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236572318053851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498258137387445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32251851584087177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369896080608018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719296577007725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391042377836485,0.0,0.23651123100246865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Merci_Kill,2019/04/10,"I'm not sure that I can keep going. I'm also not sure where to start. 

I'm 25, female, single and living at home. I have a job one day a week at my uncle's company because I'm too terrified of strangers and failure to get a job outside of family (not that I haven't tried; apparently not even a dollar store wants me). The fear of people and making a fool of myself has prevented me from following my dreams, so now I stay isolated in my home, only leaving when necessary or when it's time for work.

I'm terrified of intimacy (still a virgin; was sexually abused as a child if that helps connect the dots) and just as scared of relationships. If anyone expresses interest in me I shrivel up and try and stay far away from them since I assume their intent is merely to get me in bed and that no one can possibly want to be with me for me (because who would volunteer to date a chubby chick if they weren't desperate for an easy lay or a fetishist). 

I loathe myself and cut myself on the regular as I feel that's what I deserve for being such a failure of a woman and as a human in general. I used to love to draw and even made money by it but I can't complete a piece because I hate everything I create. 

I know that I'll never be a normal person. I know that I'll never be happy (not that I know what that's supposed to feel like). 

I'm doomed to die by my own hand as my younger brother and many other relatives have. 

Here's the kicker; as afraid of human interaction and affection as I am, I still crave it but know I can't have it. I want a husband, a career, a healthy sex life, friends (which I have none of since I pushed them all away long ago for their own good), but I'll never have these things because I'm just so thoroughly and royally fucked. 

I simply do not know how to be a functioning person. 

I want out. 

I've wanted out for the longest time, but I'm a coward and failed my last attempt, which is just so beautiful in its irony that I can't even kill myself successfully. 

You'll read this and think that I'm pathetic. And I'd have to agree.",5.934029598308669,4.645987967441859,7.125750528541229,78.78706131078225,67.0,10.51585623678647,31.17336152219873,9.688023934748609,2.582534883720931,1606,50,345,29,22,550,211,430,0.155,0.7190000000000001,0.126,-0.9226,3,0,0,0,1,2,43.0,0,1,5,4,21,19,4,3,25,0,26,6,1,6,6,68,60,39,2,10,18,2,3,1,1,2,1,0,3,7,25,19,0,2,9,2,3,3,16,10,0,2,3,3,47,9,51,50,6,37,1,2,0,4,22,15,1,6,18,236,72,7,0.0,0.11819843676402955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843058462610946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977746201130999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975400970128902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745425918660905,0.0,0.0,0.2432493302256035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459570948920316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433648420240336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353438506537868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767019531598654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965721041337672,0.0,0.09404417300136357,0.11225692731612784,0.100882581121378,0.07126805120621257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707377403948325,0.09222584898442056,0.1042402151758626,0.0,0.05669549908325699,0.08367335294408937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619561102205234,0.0,0.0984916380408188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686654408862318,0.0,0.200133388038276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799138914106498,0.08867063376820293,0.11036886529490114,0.0,0.2741254631005528,0.08131712976654051,0.0,0.1056306758498496,0.0,0.0,0.07046293131923093,0.0487373462945933,0.0,0.08808927394350834,0.08828382559178716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900366471359557,0.09439464498847217,0.066590095577133,0.10114025441121163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082152541762546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977429157504209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351989429506686,0.07587142951270845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916052548006041,0.1742119148146399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246360168288172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978627857610743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710413531837107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099876444727347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504381840101398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706101334684098,0.21266024306863124,0.15933578341427396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18804388592564747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627563440232484,0.06392171999299524,0.0,0.0,0.11634087950119007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546000861751967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615998989504456,0.0,0.0,0.2942030468648566,0.0,0.08002087887194317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726259456399299,0.0,0.0,0.07086613191053799,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,showme-yaknee,2019/04/10,"I'm a young mom and I feel totally useless. I'm a 29 yro mom of two wonderfull boys, 5 and 6. I've been coping with depression since I'm a teenager. Even if I'm on antidepressant, even if I have a wonderfull husband and two beautoful boys, even if I have a career, It's like i can't feel hapiness. I feel helpless, and as a special care counselor I feel just ashamed of myself. I help other for a living and cant even help myself. I feel like i'm just a big waste of time.",1.789733009708737,2.851691893203885,4.3244538834951465,86.99017597087378,76.66990291262134,7.868446601941748,26.46723300970873,8.472884824447931,1.6888650485436898,367,14,84,7,8,130,54,103,0.16,0.674,0.166,-0.101,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,8,0,5,0,0,0,1,17,16,9,0,3,5,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,1,5,10,4,7,15,1,4,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,49,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764505273768653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585167674107273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862371205856468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4652907050866954,0.13148102051828398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467215338852037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798291357686944,0.0,0.16251416221968373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43110005340765456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522430409301553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731749574960836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35956835437930323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Vinushka-,2019/04/10,Just want to go peacefully and easily. My life is over. I am nothing. I’m just a failure. I can’t think of things turning out any other way. I don’t even know why I’m on this sub. I feel completely aimless now. The pain is the only thing stopping me.,-1.2211111111111101,0.8309182777777799,1.6832407407407397,95.01708333333336,97.70370370370372,4.9222222222222225,19.712962962962962,6.6274283507984215,0.3454518518518519,193,7,44,3,8,67,44,54,0.091,0.726,0.183,0.5996,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,13,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974704032236536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044610593143648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917952382390184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468263739716427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503135543075825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958690712691284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510610632707527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786303280268392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208493628844197,0.3089879942335175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24277319733329986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858351352154895,0.1860657064931756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158533273257104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127542179200786,0.23049251568102944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620254986995999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,selenananana,2019/04/10,"I don't like living So I'm at a place where I'm too weak to commit suicide and too tired to live. I enjoy nothing in this life. There is nothing left for me to look for. I can list my reasons and details of my situation, and you may agree or disagree with me, but that doesn't change the fact that i can not go on with life anymore. And it's not just my life, but life itself. Looking at the beauty of life and turning your head the other way of the ugliness doesn't make life any better. People are killed, innocent are raped and murdered, lazy drop outs are rich phd graduates are on poverty limit. Life is so unfair, there is no recipe for success, life is just not for me. It is not for me. there is nothing I want anymore, nothing that makes me happy nothing i love, nothing I want.   


I am seeing a therapist. but frankly all I want is to find a painless and fast way to end my life. if there were a button to end my life I would have pressed long time ago.   


I wanna go ahead and thank all the ones who sends me nice replies about how life is precious and I shouldn't do it. Don't worry, I'm probably too coward to do it anyways. but I can't live like this either. So help me get out of this in-between state please.

​

Just little details, I got 2 cats who are very attached to me, and a loving husband. So I can't do it at home. But i can't take a risk to fail at it and become crippled. Please help.",2.6338010982306272,3.6006618859060424,3.828968883465528,91.73669920683344,74.43624161073825,6.223550945698597,25.290420988407565,6.11248444174946,0.6033234899328859,1094,35,246,6,22,357,147,298,0.198,0.605,0.197,0.1409,0,0,0,0,0,5,38.0,0,2,0,5,18,18,3,1,11,0,31,17,1,4,4,47,51,23,3,7,15,1,1,2,0,3,13,0,1,0,16,15,0,1,2,0,1,3,13,6,0,1,2,4,31,12,32,46,3,27,0,1,3,3,10,13,0,3,9,165,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947939778114784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492501133633218,0.09524063135253104,0.05330128489199371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546437229445614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656487214409145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932099689076976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291595383582016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884334465940407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163816497020177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409504664343122,0.0,0.0890906500247938,0.0,0.06268787799152112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834372760511494,0.0,0.0,0.08044079012943946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507331223981088,0.0,0.07862182148626579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671617774439372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516041429053968,0.0,0.6089854839385482,0.07658530098645981,0.07855764169915865,0.20763369586837888,0.06936409005852258,0.13163940583487532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148254357221327,0.0,0.10463890425354587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512480123987292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531125129194653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543390240028286,0.0,0.0818907205286416,0.17207604225441436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450720929038644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058799221386401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245894310276325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810272982875847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857353154911669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893222344114304,0.0,0.0,0.07216204019599713,0.0,0.0910055577091638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570417734570281,0.09008661300881726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525524792089573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467194779770878,0.13869217720074026,0.1244292516066051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795989890413495,0.0,0.055679109089252964,0.0,0.09524063135253104,0.0
suicidewatch,jahfiwhfhbwbd,2019/04/10,"Please help. I think I am going insane. This is a throwaway account because it’s so far off what I portray to others I would 100% not feel comfortable sharing it on any other platform.    
So I’m currently a high school student and probably one of the most type A people out there (lol). I think my greatest flaw is taking on too much and always *just* getting by. I’m at the top of my class, have great extracurriculars and a good group of friends. I’m definitely very assertive, impulsive and occasionally aggressive but I always brushed it off as “you gotta do what you gotta do” and I joke around a lot to compensate. All in all I think I’m probably an average 18 year old.   

However in the last 3 or 4 months I think something has gone wrong in my brain. I kid you not I’m literally going insane, I get so angry I literally black out and and will punch holes in my walls and take plates and glasses from the cupboard and smash them on the ground. I often contemplate jumping out windows (and not as a joke, like serious) and ways I could possibly kill my self (especially when I’m angry). My nightmares have also been terrifying, I cannot recall the last time this year that I’ve slept through the night. Also my impulsivity has gone through the roof and it’s so weird I’m like watching myself live from a third perspective as if I have no control over it. I say horrible things to my friends, I scream and physically fight with my parents, I eat way too much in one sitting, I make bad decisions, I use people, and the worst part is: I do not care.        

On the other hand, the only times I feel somewhat happy, it’s to an extreme level. Like I’m on some sort of drug, everything is just moving so fast and I have huge energy spurts and everything is going great until it isn’t. I don’t think I have depression because I never really feel tired or sad. Just usually either really, really angry or really really happy. It’s exhausting. These last few months have been so incredibly difficult and I know it probably does not compare to some of the stuff people go through on this sub, and I feel absolutely stupid for saying this, but I just want to end it all.       
I’ve never experienced anything like this I’ve always been the “good kid” and have had extreme luck when it comes to mental health but in the last 3-4 months something snapped and now I have no idea how to deal with myself and I feel like I’m only getting worse. I’m honestly afraid of myself when I get angry and I have no idea what is wrong with me. I’m afraid I’m going to do something drastic when I’m angry as each fit gets progressively more serious and I’m not sure if I can live with this much longer.",3.328234909851055,4.972742091760298,4.854004877623903,82.38067807682258,73.7752808988764,8.188415643236652,26.27628255378451,8.841846274778883,1.9788438811950184,2103,74,421,43,43,706,240,534,0.211,0.6679999999999999,0.122,-0.9959,3,0,4,0,1,0,50.0,0,3,1,3,23,39,4,2,23,1,33,8,3,4,6,88,80,50,1,5,19,1,6,5,2,4,4,3,1,3,27,34,1,1,14,2,1,10,14,18,0,3,7,13,52,21,51,68,18,67,0,2,2,0,17,29,0,13,30,272,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730350654427713,0.18307982717788585,0.0,0.0,0.04987523008477903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603544045206466,0.06529013241800218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123769691313662,0.0894174829601776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818741822326409,0.0,0.0,0.07477728949816424,0.0,0.0,0.06317783529863255,0.0,0.0,0.08225954517202365,0.05855780118488616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561261667102291,0.0631695535482907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418227800932515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850536999193001,0.07504740920037055,0.0,0.0,0.06495944492388983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183053087068833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854201709421617,0.05239570237193459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332804691318607,0.0,0.19159143533115175,0.0,0.20841039185982893,0.12303196237638026,0.0,0.16172013068737806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614833110049034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795935877778304,0.0,0.0,0.04915974947273336,0.0774900907004138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558889643893887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114230877994989,0.0,0.04030697047019367,0.2391348188634757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915653982599813,0.0,0.12952506211651635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062352939543483185,0.0,0.0,0.04895650673374933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739117155962103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562320010663945,0.0779511814651009,0.16174492944050922,0.0,0.1131320953510566,0.0,0.0,0.06882671268422969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696033084562835,0.0,0.09939718367416063,0.1115601387156928,0.0,0.0,0.0814378647797484,0.07942248582799524,0.0,0.15253879884219246,0.0,0.0,0.08050774213893493,0.0,0.08268234225181678,0.0,0.0,0.2372259795831132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349245466130306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664936697044764,0.0,0.07422625033921915,0.0,0.0,0.07651193919961373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938729098516728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395930414059273,0.0,0.0,0.06912418196558857,0.0,0.1102884558783354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872531738811811,0.2349736915188135,0.0,0.0,0.08553288595468263,0.08429610206353783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334413682573259,0.08077610248289928,0.06051501915906055,0.043259146334293466,0.11643129364951713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474199618271021,0.0521002145139494,0.1603764258292046,0.0,0.09445998048697246
suicidewatch,GangstaGuy04,2019/04/10,"Why am I here? Everythings been going shit, my entire life.
Its as if all I hope for never happens.
Above that i got a narc father who cheated on my mom, and married the same hoe. He now wants me to fail (indirectly) so he can justify to take me away from my mom. Above all he doesnt give us money for school. My mom thinks that its ok to pressure me and make fun of me all the time, even with all of this. She's really starting to get douchy and just start calling me 'pussy' in front of everyone. My sister just left cuase she had enough of my parents shit (went to my grandma). 
Im just starting to think thaf im never gonna be happy. So I guess this is it, this was not ment for me, Im never gonna be happy so whats the point? 

Im not posting for attention but i reallly am just losing my shit, and i feel like im gonna lose myself. I dont want this but nothing seems to be better.",0.19495773111535186,1.9421009637305708,2.6171748022907018,94.39105808562859,83.40414507772022,5.513935096809381,18.96618489228252,6.5966054737557815,-0.07711813471502628,678,17,162,7,19,233,114,193,0.142,0.7929999999999999,0.065,-0.9237,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,4,10,15,4,1,4,1,12,4,3,1,7,33,34,11,0,4,9,6,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,0,1,3,7,8,0,0,5,1,25,7,21,23,6,17,0,3,0,0,15,5,3,5,9,101,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430281438605237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877089273916093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249105202316942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763525685351695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371112509908374,0.0,0.0662947708574296,0.0,0.0,0.09590976396789087,0.0902078972083222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050751107835883116,0.07170578928126319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244023638591059,0.09628598508126306,0.0570437305588298,0.0,0.08027667146794742,0.0,0.1105710932003463,0.0,0.08875864349748007,0.21369575785112735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969206085160462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5420950135487284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905449058270257,0.0,0.07089572423830284,0.049036697712079656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458122659141472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699910101171444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35266348101350325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322392626576153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963096577374354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145124708816898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488399954007792,0.0,0.09612864727480444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430088451473231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158184020858307,0.0,0.09137491492579536,0.0,0.0,0.30909130040964045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313149156937927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754672656282956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862867180277454,0.0,0.0,0.05852773051258873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073517844395752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840403281608472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930458657080762,0.09057013382910876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedfather,2019/04/10,"I really don't think I will make it to 2020 I've dreamed of killing myself as a release from self-loathing since seventh grade.

If I didn't have kids, I'd definitely be dead.  But I've been trying to hold on for my kids for the past few years. But I'm losing my fucking shit.",1.5259999999999998,2.901052933333337,3.0533333333333346,94.54500000000002,78.0,6.133333333333334,23.666666666666664,6.742157984588678,0.4555666666666665,216,7,52,2,5,71,47,60,0.245,0.711,0.044,-0.9259,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,6,2,1,1,0,6,10,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,8,6,1,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,1,2,27,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046278025110407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36455533096911225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686387565186689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995129031654576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31455573340690385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21109331773030404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437520541059098,0.0,0.3382385202394117,0.2725750766795613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113747727582968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371648083311446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121944147728834
suicidewatch,Winter_Grapefruit,2019/04/10,"i'm ready to die on my birthday I wanna die, i'm in my early 20s but i cant take this anymore. My dad died almost 10 years ago and i want to be with him. 

My mom and i fight all the time, and my best friend is in his 70s. I'm so fuck\*ing afraid to lose him that i wanna go before him. I wouldn't survive his death.

Saturday is my birthday and i plan to do it then. I've ordered a bunch of different drugs online, and i think i'll mix them with alcohool and sleeping pills and i'll be good to go. I already have heart problems so drugs and alcohol sounds like a good mix for me.

I've already put in an envelope instructions and money for my funeral. Still debating on whether to leave a goodbye letter or not.

It's time to go. I'll never live to be 23.",-0.2046666666666681,1.7469662606060652,2.3595454545454544,94.47265151515153,86.3939393939394,5.606060606060606,21.28787878787879,6.937597516519254,0.4528787878787881,583,20,137,8,18,201,98,165,0.139,0.703,0.159,0.6827,1,0,3,0,1,1,17.0,0,0,1,4,3,9,1,1,5,0,9,6,2,0,2,24,18,15,5,5,4,2,0,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,4,11,1,0,1,0,1,4,4,4,0,0,0,1,23,5,20,14,3,19,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,10,82,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287890560825098,0.1552686994658191,0.14548495678061446,0.0,0.3206578671722577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440866674271577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123629396880974,0.0,0.15247080458791493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452358053982025,0.1517950491168768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336975935067706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224915733883918,0.1343164255594516,0.0,0.0,0.24771157542150615,0.2437213819288998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216699324856002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383902632306062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098038367365737,0.0,0.1282919760187634,0.0,0.0,0.16254012171615242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015956319763648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120550712469372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902100550084864,0.0,0.14605458044897307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539293683744248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160271937184092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092385033867946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930946913432222,0.0,0.0,0.16943721584696353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569463350836215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356071599846967
suicidewatch,Unity_0,2019/04/10,I want to but don't at the same time. i'm still very young and i want to pursue my career in music production. I just feel so depressed that inspiration is so hard to find. I've tried using this depression as a driving force for my music but fall short every time. I'm not popular at school and i know if i get popular in the music all of my friends will start using me. I feel that i can be successful and do good things in life i just don't know where to start.,1.2228555555555545,2.8801999300000034,3.2573333333333347,91.49922222222223,79.7,6.844444444444445,20.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.5642777777777774,363,9,84,6,9,123,62,100,0.172,0.648,0.18,-0.0424,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,2,1,21,20,9,0,3,6,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,3,12,6,12,18,2,15,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,1,6,53,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795096554208183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562277766208227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279323259277053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136162764059345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021288586699754,0.0,0.11510418472171215,0.0,0.0,0.18478766678124867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735672027352494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242155969370694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556132294799814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296800521062646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118766334954597,0.0,0.17594184179257227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636583111275667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25693197317751265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957772130468627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805585157616399,0.0,0.1817808800190636,0.2598920333761121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IAAFPNS,2019/04/10,Can't be rejected forever Its so shit to be rejected and isolated/perceived rejection and anxiety bu society in general but I tell myself that it won't be forever. One day death will accept me so for now this is my cope I think I have gone mad.,1.939,4.171886900000004,5.065999999999999,76.55300000000003,80.0,11.2,30.0,10.793553405168565,4.388800000000002,195,10,38,9,5,71,41,50,0.271,0.609,0.12,-0.8737,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,0,8,1,1,0,0,6,10,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,6,1,3,4,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983218465056746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335798114734416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35282896415424914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5344746592428862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551007794217437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33363329268507325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway84291,2019/04/10,"I tried committing suicide for the first time two nights ago and failed. Maybe once I manage to end my miserable existence I’ll finally be good at something. There’s a certain poetry to that, I think.",3.275526315789474,5.996745763157897,4.262368421052631,81.4240789473684,78.21052631578947,9.06315789473684,27.921052631578952,9.516144504307137,3.153136842105264,161,7,29,5,4,52,34,38,0.254,0.6,0.145,-0.7717,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,2,4,1,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,16,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651549927985693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649346945209328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276752450424437,0.0,0.25443435207028986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25089065498241137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005098265593922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807072031055849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185568349997029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302799346344148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32719263101920143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166630273990648,0.0,0.0,0.17442135657446042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308526603853114,0.0,0.29220025921222303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maxigirl94,2019/04/10,"I don’t know what the point is I don’t even know why I’m posting. No value will come from venting my pain. 

I’m so tired of waking up every day. I‘m sick of going to work and living my life. I see absolutely no true happiness in my future, everything is tainted by a medical condition I have. I’m in almost constant pain, often debilitating. I’m only 24 and it feels like my body is falling apart. I feel like I’m just waiting until I find the straw that breaks my back. 

And no one gets it. No one understands why I might find death preferable to life, because *they* enjoy life. Their perspective is completely different. They always try to prevent you from killing yourself and I’m so sick of it. If I want to die that’s my choice. 

I tried to find a therapist, and I went through 21 before I finally found one who agreed to meet with me. I don’t even know why I tried so hard to find a therapist though, I don’t believe that they’ll help the situation. No one can help the situation. I’m just broken. I hate who I am.",0.7343641390205349,3.0156257440758303,2.9942002369668264,89.25458629541866,85.39810426540284,6.360268562401264,22.06180884676145,7.6454224807358475,1.0416017377567142,796,28,171,15,24,271,116,211,0.22,0.66,0.12,-0.975,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,4,1,10,9,2,0,7,0,14,11,2,0,1,29,37,11,3,3,3,0,3,2,0,3,9,0,0,0,9,7,0,2,12,0,0,4,9,4,0,4,2,4,28,5,19,32,0,17,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,4,8,101,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377186355111294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622961488492797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968613904630961,0.0,0.06317273103068888,0.0,0.08818267666934683,0.1167570843781041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151111078165874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926926288451073,0.10865553654593392,0.11198871253603994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683367075599532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755301737681007,0.10827274154842348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689510615739053,0.0,0.08731391228565805,0.0,0.09313720754179433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479828506745316,0.14806856572244886,0.0,0.11352311789518865,0.37886883743362,0.0,0.0,0.11362646577893518,0.0,0.0,0.054143121954567865,0.0,0.05889610484707965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031753740927082,0.0928333665727045,0.10231453879776736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892386715291927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465277433603792,0.0,0.17085929864360874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21959373801696813,0.10125812114713277,0.0,0.09150841244842513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439771881501413,0.0,0.1099365238083649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808932366057403,0.0788163388581566,0.2205422025089221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097965156389262,0.0,0.09925022142207106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258079743709089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329720396860691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064805305671125,0.0,0.0,0.1018173105746179,0.0,0.0,0.11910903340830957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107672564293006,0.0,0.0,0.1078839275777214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061124476456368024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606733305561996,0.2805336210880517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544488324807415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheGlitterMahdi,2019/04/10,"I'm just done. It's been literally twenty years and I'm still suicidal for the vast majority of the year. And I'm done,you know? I'm tired, in the sort of way where exhaustion seeps into your bones.

And yeah, I've got ""reasons"" to feel this way, but I don't really see the sense of talking about them and I don't think they should matter, anyway. None of us asked to be here. None of us got to choose. Why is it so bad to make that choice now? Why does consent matter on every level except this one?

I just wish it was okay to say it was enough. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to be done. And there's no way around hurting people. So you either have to hurt the people you love or you have to keep hurting with no relief in sight.

I know this is the point where I'm supposed to go to the ER and wait for a bed somewhere, but I've been in and out of wards for 17 years and they have never once made things better. 

I wish it would stop.",1.3486312769010027,2.654940482926829,2.8700143472022965,95.96407460545194,78.3170731707317,5.7991391678622675,17.424677187948348,6.2272716619740125,-0.5301793400286949,729,11,178,5,17,239,112,205,0.135,0.7020000000000001,0.163,0.8184,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,4,3,1,14,10,0,0,8,2,18,4,1,3,1,41,41,13,1,6,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,10,12,0,3,6,0,0,1,8,6,1,1,9,4,16,4,30,28,5,23,0,4,2,1,13,12,0,2,7,113,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819761677783801,0.0,0.0,0.0995568406435024,0.10455060764050413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337753512160506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989089497002943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786754272456527,0.3433380317252279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555542745218947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422579220836938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056547125046080976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355839512776952,0.0,0.17888929614937907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788866270885752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940406678479187,0.0,0.0,0.12292315813459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009354338030088,0.10582096006091256,0.07465071610132866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625402929513082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910060146932752,0.07578227527635445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506458455373134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572020229027404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716443504836629,0.11498498327842314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893566308222266,0.0,0.0,0.08911799799156286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931155774257765,0.09349904908837686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232931417326197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898887189303943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742981899233432,0.07165933808246923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853785540330884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690474168567503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192633491396402,0.2663081996886653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182734531181226,0.0,0.2572094105151933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944435953429589,0.0,0.0,0.21605417716851427
suicidewatch,starshade82,2019/04/10,"I've decided it's almost time So first time poster here. I commented quite a bit on another account though so I'm familiar with the sub. 

I'm a 30 year old male.  I have 2 kids who mean the world to me. So much so that I would sacrifice myself for their well-being. I recently was cheated on by their mother who I had been with for almost 10 years. When I found out I decided we were done. I mean really she decided months earlier that we were done I just became aware of it at that point I guess. 

Not sure why I'm even writing this. Maybe it's just to be able to tell someone. I don't have anyone to talk to in real life. 

I've been on antidepressants on and off my entire life. Saw a psychologist for a while a few years ago. Currently taking mirtazapine and it helps for the most part but I keep going through these really tough times where I'm convinced the best thing to do is end myself. 

I don't want my kids caught in the middle and their mother is the type of person to make this into a power struggle just because she knows how that would hurt me through them. She's very spiteful. And when I'm all alone that's when my mind goes nuts and I get caught in this thought cycle and it turns dark pretty quick. 

She's never alone (my ex). Even when the kids are with me she has adult children from a previous marriage that live with her. 

I just wish I didn't have to be so alone. I'm so hurt and betrayed and want it to end. And it would be best for the kids because they wouldn't be caught in the middle. 

But when I'm in my right mind I know suicide isn't the option. But it's been a while since I've been in my right mind. 

I'm so close to either offing myself or checking myself into a mental hospital. Which of those depends on my level of rationality when I reach that limit. 

The only thing that's actually stopping me from checking into a hospital is I live alone and if I'm not here and working bills won't get paid. 

Don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe just so I don't have to feel the weight of it on my own. Now it's out there. So whoever read this. Thanks.",1.123983615221988,3.076523815909092,2.855697674418608,92.81395348837208,81.29545454545455,6.002114164904864,19.550739957716697,7.1213741377187105,0.2330655391120509,1629,41,368,21,43,539,196,440,0.119,0.8109999999999999,0.07,-0.9546,2,4,0,0,0,2,35.0,2,0,5,7,31,11,2,1,22,0,35,3,0,3,3,74,70,35,1,8,13,3,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,30,23,1,3,11,1,5,4,11,6,0,1,18,3,49,5,50,43,10,58,1,2,1,0,33,28,0,8,26,248,79,3,0.08721987058645364,0.0,0.08511401207478819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731515272903669,0.0,0.17467620301626033,0.36133392716352736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145763915050707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098616147705024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063368471278636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306374628417926,0.0,0.09522150893197756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851241940442042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450183422091776,0.0,0.0,0.17282370579648612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410098723239622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418917736454593,0.0,0.0956320862188495,0.0,0.0,0.09113756502803796,0.0,0.049569062436988026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608252070613567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058461640738134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674135077413828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752502848822,0.0,0.0,0.14380127963292594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321194798645407,0.0,0.0,0.15403348733988653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821994088985245,0.0,0.17524816630298876,0.19001601689975767,0.0,0.0,0.08789711521864937,0.0,0.2642016171063332,0.0,0.0696180685760039,0.0,0.06411664052797651,0.0,0.06726934113073753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152258221902801,0.0,0.0,0.0663346418588918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445062033078806,0.0,0.0,0.07615702676885264,0.0,0.0,0.08245096965779072,0.0,0.0,0.0887339644959089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276906847477497,0.08724347352212422,0.0992753075871281,0.11175056498021957,0.0,0.08611909992053338,0.0,0.0,0.14897058583911005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214917825438777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390111330872406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291971725755257,0.0,0.09118114620115914,0.0,0.09540438206374743,0.0,0.08220369582296302,0.0,0.0655784880341894,0.07010402814741347,0.0762340112639726,0.08030033847682884,0.0,0.0,0.1158900128885189,0.0,0.08569308001171982,0.06924283469155866,0.15257582382774135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487017338173373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196552763761646,0.10288907892163084,0.0,0.0,0.1062103052043588,0.07842113834258534,0.0,0.15740473404246969,0.0,0.10029854674255308,0.0,0.0,0.06349710457058337,0.0,0.0,0.18587548081283192,0.0,0.0,0.1685002111256737
suicidewatch,Mati269,2019/04/10,"I tried to kill myself Well, past thursday i tried to overdose with a lot of pills and it didn't work i just had a really painful stomach ache and i almost vomited in class i don't know what to do how i end this?",-0.09468085106383127,1.8187463404255344,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,85.59574468085106,5.4621276595744686,20.038297872340426,6.742157984588678,0.1168927659574468,166,5,40,2,5,56,35,47,0.235,0.72,0.046,-0.8643,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,4,1,1,0,8,5,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,7,1,6,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,28,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219781560654981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847910295288339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557389026778756,0.0,0.1767112331523812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733637559179189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421436662524157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069484984233774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059882240986157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366122157147723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891051337743183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23408661617440116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,homosexualmother,2019/04/10,"Never been on this community but I need anything rigjt now Hi all things are really relly not good right now

Essentially what happened is that my partner has just informed me that she doesn't want to be with me in the sense that she has feelings for someone else too. Our relationship was founded upon being exclusive so that's not an option and something I would never be personally comfortable with. 

She doesn't really want to be exclusive at all, so she'd rsther to break up than to cheat on me and hurt me more ( i know) and this sounds super melodramatic but I legitimately have never felt as I do with her. I've invested a lot of emotions and effort into this where I don't really have anything else positive in my life that makes me want to keep going

thank you im just realy scared rn",5.602499999999999,6.3119670705128215,6.681179487179487,74.94715384615388,67.3974358974359,9.82974358974359,29.06153846153846,9.888512548439397,2.7213969230769237,637,21,119,14,10,214,101,156,0.139,0.7609999999999999,0.1,-0.6712,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,0,2,8,7,1,1,3,0,18,1,0,1,5,33,31,9,0,5,6,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,10,8,0,1,5,0,1,1,8,3,0,0,4,3,20,4,20,21,4,17,0,1,0,0,12,10,0,2,5,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276211161342082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803923130408433,0.18878040690773945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485730438225382,0.0,0.16113820796656994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401132396921907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537874961829716,0.1407635510617546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840699147253514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966001032913018,0.0,0.18127967459375166,0.0,0.0,0.1491704687924815,0.0,0.0,0.09223216774464764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853967938087888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267871567274312,0.0,0.0,0.1120244138566102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444002565669995,0.38831069194737183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653821619269095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225387560184584,0.0,0.0,0.18018111967960268,0.0,0.14332153473047293,0.0,0.0,0.16802198707919158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219748036885593,0.12919979558298575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545106060374248,0.0,0.0,0.1114953963130366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969623959318849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921798310632545,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ohdearwhyamihere,2019/04/10,I'm coming off my antidepressants because I'm on them for all the wrong reasons I want to kill myself and I want to self harm again and all that shit you've probably seen on here before. But I cant be on antidepressants anymore. I'm only on them to make myself easier for other people to handle me but Its against my morals and if i decide to kill myself that's my choice i dont care anymore. If people cant handle my emotions I'll be on my own. I'm used to it by now i dont need anyone whatever. Bye.,0.5688181818181803,2.4613847909090896,3.328181818181818,89.01227272727274,82.9090909090909,5.8181818181818175,19.090909090909093,6.980632752743323,0.26936363636363625,397,10,87,5,11,140,62,110,0.181,0.78,0.039,-0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,3,0,1,0,6,1,1,3,2,17,18,7,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,17,1,16,15,3,9,1,0,1,0,4,6,1,2,3,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612469521082906,0.12734914707528064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110244230529569,0.0,0.15497874859523728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569311390022,0.0,0.0,0.15688839545817346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4269087210073953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487111876763114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40299850629841183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215728230065116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504668039104464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851765478719344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525312586009273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963663528612732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725940956198853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900007386717243,0.0,0.1869532644972036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730136908453532,0.0,0.0,0.2148493383857527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912996384513093,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SSFPInfinity,2019/04/10,"Advice needed Hey, I’m bipolar I have a really bad anxiety disorder and just straight depressed all the time. I’m constantly attempting to hurt or kill myself, I just need help getting my mind off this shit so I can finally be happy",2.642666666666667,5.345767933333338,4.7022222222222245,77.38000000000002,80.77777777777777,8.933333333333335,29.0,9.3871,3.4784666666666664,187,9,32,6,5,64,39,45,0.395,0.47,0.135,-0.9523,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,1,8,8,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,7,1,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,3,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24499694511646836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917971880937448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093375342044525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27093511727058184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594147466637587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28734245826854404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27464731546008936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098885382252634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668920309746736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680497676345994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683968514152141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773803016097289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531518662084785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718057347887322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606152020440242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735655136527297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619461819850788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cacagratuit,2019/04/10,"Letter to my hospitalized suicidal friend He is currently in the hospital after a failed attempt at taking his life. I wrote him this letter with the instructions to only open it if he ever feels like pulling a stupid stunt like that again. I hope you could give me some pointers and your thoughts on it before I give it to him.



You know, the funny thing is this isn't the first letter of this kind I wrote for a friend.

Let's hope it's the last.

You where always full of surprises. Like a mystery tied in secrecy wrapped in an enigma locked being layers upon layers of defense mechanisms, all of this held in chack by a discreet air of boredom.

Boiling underneath is some gruesome shit, isn't it?

Sizzling, scorching, and today it managed to reach the surface.

And thus you erupt.

You erupt into tears, or anger, or a sudden clarity and numbness that tells you to go ahead and overdose, or cut yourself, or hang yourself. That tells you everything will be just fine. It won't

Either way, you've become a volcano. With pitch black thunderclouds hanging above your head, lava flowing down your face, and shockwaves that left your ears ringing.

You're either trying to feel numb, by cauterizing your wounds.
Or trying to feel something, anything, by burning yourself.
Or just trying to go poof and turn to ash.

I understand. I've been there. I have.

And in those moments I didn't want to speak to anybody. I wasn't able.

But by God I wished somebody, anybody, would've helped me out.

So this is why I'm writing this letter to you. To try and help you out.

This shit all sounds too corny for you, doesn't it?

But it's sincere. As sincere as I can be.

So please, please consider feeling the sun on your face one more time.
Laugh at some (very) indecent memes one more time.
Sink into your pillow after a long day one more time.
And look forward to one more day.

Hopefully a brighter one.


Tomorrow your ears will still be ringing. The cloud above your head would not have fully dissipated. And your fingertips will still be burning.
The pain, as always, will still be looming.

But it will fade, just give it time.


I pinky swear.





And that's all with the letter. I don't find it easy at all to articulate what I truly want to say. Maybe some of you might do a better job at it.",2.6100228310502303,5.094964796803655,3.1580547945205484,89.75703652968036,79.11415525114155,5.811141552511415,23.88858447488585,7.03164865440522,0.9329384474885848,1783,62,346,21,45,555,221,438,0.093,0.76,0.146,0.9706,2,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,21,0,5,13,25,6,0,21,0,31,14,8,1,5,68,56,27,1,9,16,0,4,3,2,8,5,7,1,0,28,20,1,2,8,0,0,7,8,10,0,6,7,13,40,15,55,33,15,55,0,1,2,0,45,25,2,15,27,232,68,4,0.09384031033247688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616531117429275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722257969100044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363925010347454,0.07985119242749647,0.0,0.0,0.08299412863714423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492385194493482,0.0,0.0,0.12103847389853685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848839331548817,0.0,0.0,0.08433762006868986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979392195977027,0.06703953645170206,0.0,0.0,0.08576834358332128,0.07982052003046007,0.0,0.0,0.14500158196383428,0.0,0.0,0.2700605294779205,0.1066632218254937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261446266261525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257983638940258,0.0,0.0,0.2796138058473114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312202820756027,0.0,0.0,0.09772024267526028,0.05157218042259934,0.07649237762034616,0.0,0.0,0.10195777174927846,0.0959580751905012,0.06628218637550704,0.13753690671385138,0.0,0.0,0.08304572166188816,0.07880222639319548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427520472395744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995497398014831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179431144380316,0.07136978461418307,0.0998527064275734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601696205749628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462558125064939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926514600695856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224285551670083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22482297914995966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026460686050448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055623479930656,0.0,0.16404113481938154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062343332435432476,0.0,0.0,0.07449872433960532,0.2188761583946109,0.0,0.08894964173570402,0.0,0.0,0.2548456435040127,0.10207131071827656,0.0,0.09769107251240043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742808377662554,0.11069889270539814,0.07448607043501143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467628414849113,0.0,0.1079117257218154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332292810031265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-coffeefiend-,2019/04/10,"Loss I'm lost. I have a drinking problem that I keep to myself but it looks like I've just lost my best mate because of it. He's told me he needs space and that he can't handle me at the moment which is fucking shit because he's the one who keeps me going. I've been an ass and I've ruined this myself and I can't bear that it's my fault. I have a history of self harm, ednos and depression and I cant cope any more. My last attempt was October and I don't think I can avoid it again tonight. There's nothing left for me here",0.2859816653934324,1.8213685378151323,2.412284186401834,97.03605805958748,82.109243697479,5.335676088617267,20.06187929717341,6.11248444174946,-0.1823344537815128,412,11,102,3,11,139,75,119,0.27,0.644,0.086,-0.9759,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,5,4,13,2,1,5,0,10,4,2,0,0,14,21,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,6,1,3,1,1,0,1,4,11,0,1,5,1,16,2,5,16,2,8,0,5,1,2,8,3,3,0,5,60,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193372523068326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544621134722807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903408384683745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797663898698333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446177161710544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929541547151269,0.0,0.0,0.11861785196046397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710319259774647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013102303469882,0.0,0.0,0.2267700462932029,0.0,0.0,0.10196787083977156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526848832216518,0.0,0.4556753371193941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547599292334517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026819094659887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143105237140055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199712585354574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773582872229935,0.0,0.2142435038001025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337364912874802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943664400022898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_ImLuucyy,2019/04/10,"Nothing I feel like dying. Nothing is being okay, and I'm constantly paranoid about the most stupid of things. Every time i find someone to love my feelings die a month or so after we start dating. so much more I can't be asked to type. whats the point? find me a point please. try it. you cant, its hopeless. im going to die. i feel like ive gone insane",-0.6492105263157875,1.504543026315794,1.5029473684210508,97.82363157894736,92.42105263157896,3.566315789473684,16.810526315789474,4.935628992294339,-0.8227010526315786,274,7,62,1,10,91,58,76,0.263,0.631,0.107,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,1,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,4,1,6,1,0,0,0,9,15,4,3,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,9,4,6,12,3,10,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,8,35,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692719372785854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813978972503245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226390433447212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142996852669878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546264009494476,0.23983958617507894,0.0,0.0,0.3068434705953802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539916419752316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813184751472698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640166213152719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150093081117394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398489357427884,0.0,0.1233970064553367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221339404801136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842607569360004,0.317365437469288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222791588767272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188127422049828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151926045059847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978809856680134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396646835513037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadzwieback,2019/04/10,You are everyone you hate And it is ruining yout life.,-0.2681818181818194,1.804562636363638,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,104.45454545454544,9.472727272727274,23.681818181818183,8.841846274778883,3.245509090909092,43,2,9,2,2,15,10,11,0.388,0.612,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6185150191037017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390666072288759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4572013152519589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,breezylove08,2019/04/10,"I want to die but I’m afraid of not knowing what’s going to happen Hi my name is Stacy and I’m a 15 year girl and I’ve been attempting to do suicide since I was 13 but my life was bad before that even though no one knows it everyone just automatically assume I’m okay without even asking. Ever since I was little around the 4th grade I’ve been bullied about my weight and I hate it I’m even more mad at myself for being fat and looking this way and being ugly because I think I’m the ugliest person alive.I have no friends there are four friends that I know that I go to higher with but it’s only we’ve been in the same catholic school together for like 10 years and I wouldn’t even call them so called friends because they have all talked about me in secret saying how fat I am and I hate it I hate it every one I just hate the planet earth and think that God just put here to suffer back to back over and over again because every time and every year something happens to me I remember one day in 6th grade it was picture day and I wanted to look a bit slim and so I wore a gridle and the shirt I had was a bit short so when I went to sit down some of my class mates saw it and talked about in secret all day and I went home crying and those 4. Girls I go to school with are included.One time one of those 4 girls which I would call dj, the second one treat, third pink and the fourth gg. Anyways we were playing volleyball and this was in the 7th grade and dj was on the opposite team and I hit the ball and get team lost and this was around the time she stopped talking to me because she said I copied what she was going to wear for her birthday anyways so after we came from playing we went to class and I guess dj said something about me because I had a small ponytail and head and had a big body so anyways there was this boy  and treat told him that dj said I was shaped like a apple pear and she kept on trying to get him to look at me and see that I was shaped like it for real and I just pretended to not hear and act like I was working but I wanted to bust out crying so bad in front of everyone.Theres a lot more but I’m not going to go into them all because this will be a never ending list anyways my dad is one of them to because he is so strict and it’s not the strict part it’s the fact that he wants me to be like his friends kids the grades ,attitude  and how I dress I mean I’m not stupid I get a’s and b’s but sometimes c and he will always yell at me about them and say such and such would never have a c on her report card and two main things I hate is being yelled at and compared I mean I already myself why make it any worse. My dad have found my journal about how I want to kill myself then he’s nice and understanding for 3 days then its all back to normal with the comparing and etc.I have no one to text or call my contacts is empty other then family members mom dad and all that I mean I’ve never even had a boy like me even though I’ve liked so many I guess that’s just my life and I want to be a singer also but no one believes me even the adults I mean they make jokes about me being fat so I guess it’s not a surprise but now I’m in highschool and it worst and before school started I tried losing weight by doing a water fast and I lost a little bit but gained all of it back I think even more then before I already have a lot of people in highschool calling me fat I mean today in class this girl wanted to play and made me fall and everyone laughed and made sound affects to make it same like an earthquake and then when I’m in the car going home my dad rushing me about driving and taking the test now I mean when does it end because I just want to die right now but I don’t know what to do anymore because I just want to step in the streets and get run over or jump off a building.",1.4406332949620797,2.911041402644233,2.8082658450704234,95.80029049295773,78.48317307692308,5.4084777898158185,20.13177139761647,5.7548984701103425,-0.2582586877031421,3005,70,708,15,71,975,307,832,0.142,0.758,0.101,-0.9943,0,0,2,0,0,4,12.0,3,0,6,8,61,38,8,1,38,1,51,13,8,9,11,152,132,86,4,13,26,5,2,8,5,5,6,9,2,9,40,62,7,2,19,12,0,21,16,16,0,12,37,17,94,22,83,82,20,96,0,4,6,0,64,36,0,9,45,467,134,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079201404373396,0.036520852251282494,0.03799961038692469,0.0,0.0,0.031055949861778436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452905944111181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130878094780558,0.0426936130137057,0.0,0.0,0.14046414290677028,0.07626209810972069,0.2505502607779103,0.0,0.11658085313670015,0.051452435711350254,0.0,0.0,0.1495735770429327,0.05072708783490303,0.0,0.0,0.2331617498589029,0.052232267825951945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003287718765038,0.11780887356831878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479278694937752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399645596518386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089696072283167,0.0,0.05093212768882962,0.24130738400255966,0.04130951187226579,0.1154323135725748,0.0872758663468591,0.0,0.0,0.04305192545220269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007283675109475,0.14113258773489926,0.0,0.09543902252843957,0.0,0.181680079209234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092605099951434,0.0,0.08076849724714147,0.0,0.0,0.225439520773774,0.04686876029656386,0.0,0.05147139344503112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161787942136174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05052510973594705,0.0,0.10039221889300401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451361672892213,0.1784894508568942,0.09154309082087762,0.0,0.0,0.1150493875258232,0.051091047212273255,0.09970449517779324,0.07765096064340274,0.0,0.08642473189852852,0.09145165742273732,0.04630039856977808,0.0,0.29847642262684804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053486057381771424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566642023529976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04474515100799531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475676962163044,0.03473273274768245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945422273900989,0.0,0.03166058770232956,0.03987572079227394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045909166220008436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198042275109521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173318116383729,0.03900040310929884,0.13032278120579704,0.0726343895734324,0.0,0.13865600449627385,0.036391651896377636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555443297953512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031524074663842,0.04516702892420972,0.0,0.032324195165265406,0.0,0.0,0.03818066971599465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049953611149763835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034336811582307135,0.11011913561060713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030339930487186674,0.08778703781706187,0.08973757189204963,0.0,0.07988850417010379,0.0,0.04328812467502319,0.04363793317342955,0.0,0.0620114357608486,0.0,0.04461120680218189,0.047542218765970284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424266493816208,0.0362493006225239,0.0,0.11122315708163558,0.0,0.12700466882158934,0.04120845765887179,0.0,0.0,0.04402252622919247,0.0,0.033247001890703544,0.0,0.04653980908105855,0.06488277435443465,0.0,0.0,0.08822649277892501
suicidewatch,cherriestwine,2019/04/10,..just sleep i feel like i just want to fall asleep for forever. the dreamless kind of sleep. no twisted dreams. no haunting thoughts. no pain. no disappointment. no loneliness. and only wake up if it's to a different reality. or never.,0.6789640591966162,1.7906495813953534,2.399661733615221,84.82076109936575,122.95348837209305,6.214799154334037,24.83932346723045,6.980632752743323,2.233716279069768,184,9,33,5,11,60,35,43,0.402,0.482,0.116,-0.9325,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,9,3,3,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,5,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32288769679462465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626313885440346,0.2207828003155479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218242542727353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098445394183724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383556254276968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23504370314954326,0.3288471447001816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6185391523474748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453483101197149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228356591439154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bhuckleby87,2019/04/10,"I’m not sure how to start I had somewhat of a trouble childhood, body issues, self worth issues, I’m sure like most people experience. I’ve thought about suicide on n off thru out my life. I’m been in bad relationships n had bad moments/ difficult moments thru out my life.. so I don’t want to share too much this time but I fell in love with a guy I went to school with, when I moved back to my hometown a few years ago.. he’s great n I fell hard. 

Unfortunately, my past relationship had been haunting me for years, ruining my future relationships. His name is Justin n I knew going in that it was going to be complicated. We reconnected in September 2017- Snapchat, Facebook, texting. February 10th I got pregnant n without giving too many details, we had to end what we had n the safest option we had was an abortion. I literally feel like I’m dying.. I’ve never been in love before n with my past ( mental health-suicide-cutting) I’m having a difficult time. I’m in so much pain.. and I know this will pass, more fish in the sea (all the positive-move on with your life type stuff) but they aren’t him. And after this (unwanted) abortion, my world is crashing down around me. 

Justin is still messaging n I love him so much n it hurts knowing this has ended.. he has been supportive but I’m still completely devastated..",1.4000384615384651,3.986629369230773,3.1002884615384616,87.30658653846157,86.07692307692307,6.1730769230769225,23.509615384615394,7.531066641456977,1.2895000000000003,1036,40,207,19,32,342,148,260,0.126,0.73,0.14400000000000002,0.8972,1,0,0,0,0,2,44.0,4,1,1,0,12,18,0,0,8,0,22,8,1,1,4,34,45,10,2,2,5,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,9,13,0,0,5,0,1,7,5,8,0,0,16,2,29,10,31,27,8,42,0,2,0,3,23,15,0,3,22,124,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730955484248564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772366716543897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441075484154298,0.18331628653481946,0.0,0.0,0.09341105480441783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193608095126265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509775686615975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392986899498395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944574146167162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073817212835668,0.0,0.0,0.05550590387810113,0.07842379835766024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530687625601202,0.12477614618721793,0.0,0.08779767378798653,0.12102812201440022,0.0,0.10869522456294027,0.0,0.0,0.09833748554851778,0.0,0.0,0.11668646007417967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175171817754894,0.0,0.0,0.2291546681111073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065973282021755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326135185658333,0.1072617464236614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29723062748099144,0.0,0.0,0.11129535301641426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110628109134591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667422059857653,0.2420933618137912,0.0,0.08466580494150618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168091089052249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095866977363834,0.07610466419047072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535741318578648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109889219781063,0.0,0.0,0.1145200201564264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769982166498934,0.0,0.17533406818554298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566693908274065,0.1200768235067982,0.12457218941981472,0.2069246393387884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714966189721897,0.1280222136052856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647485655438478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176319490302048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581987949776336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413839327888626
suicidewatch,throw_me_away4289,2019/04/10,"My family gets angry when I show negative emotions. I feel like some kind of empty shell of a person. This will be very long. I'm sorry about that. This is sort of a venting post. Talking about things like this, even online, makes me really uncomfortable so I will probably delete this soon.

I've noticed any time I get upset (crying, regular irritability people just get some days, that sort of thing) my family gets annoyed and blames me for them now having a bad day because I was upset. For a long time, I've done my best to forget my feelings and pretend I'm content or happy instead.

Me and my mom will get into a minor argument and my brother blows it up into ""You're arguing, now I have to go to work angry from listening to the two of you. I have to deal with stupid people at work and when I'm home I have to deal with the two of you"". I feel really bad about this because I'm disabled and can't work, and it spirals into an episode of depression... And so on. We don't argue much, usually only every few months when I finally crack and can't keep pretending to be happy any longer.

My mom offers to help other family members (aunts and uncles) but then comes home angry about it and talks about how much she hates having to help them (????) she is always in a bad mood because of it. If I seem even a bit upset at anything she gets angry and tells me off about it, and goes on a tirade about how she is tired and doesn't feel well, etc. I don't even have to say anything. If I just *seem* sad (even if I'm actually okay) she goes off. And then I actually *am* sad, because I feel guilty.


This has been going on my entire life, and I don't think I can take it much longer. I try to always act cheerful and listen to them rant on about how miserable they are. I do the cooking and try to plan meals around things they like the most. It seems to cheer them up, and I feel less guilty about being a dead weight to them.

I've defaulted to never talking about my emotions. We are very poor, the house we live in is shabby and small so I can't even really cry in my room because they'll hear and get irritated and start angrily questioning what right I have to be upset when I just sit at home. It has always turned into a huge blow up fight when they overhear me sniffling or crying.

I don't really seem to feel emotions anymore, just this constant sort of 'gray' feeling. I usually spend my time alone in my room, only really coming out to prepare meals for everyone and to sit down and eat. I just stay out of the way of everyone best I can.

I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up. I just wish I didn't exist. I have no idea how to fix any of this, really. We don't even own a car because it's too expensive. So therapy is out of the question, and I can't just move out and leave. I have nowhere to go and no money. I don't have any friends so there isn't anyone I could stay with instead. I live in a rural small town so programs to help people like me are 70-80 miles away (completely unreachable).

I'm just at a loss of what to do and just feel sort of... dead inside.


**TL;DR:** My family picks up the slack for me being a dead weight, and often take their stress out on me by yelling at me or ranting about things they hate. Me being upset about anything irritates them and triggers big fights. I suppress my emotions because of it and don't feel 'human' anymore. We are very poor and I can't just move out to escape this situation. I have no idea what to do.",2.46710778876296,3.936953555244756,4.004891487822524,88.30627622377625,75.68531468531468,7.056908608632747,22.677236556546895,7.753152298057669,0.9088996865203764,2692,74,579,38,58,896,275,715,0.205,0.71,0.085,-0.9982,0,1,0,0,3,0,93.0,5,2,12,7,53,37,8,7,23,1,58,10,2,7,1,114,104,57,3,7,18,4,12,4,1,4,2,5,5,2,29,54,6,2,19,4,5,10,21,22,1,2,4,18,88,14,98,88,13,84,0,5,1,0,52,44,0,20,28,397,117,4,0.0,0.0,0.10303980642928194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054679272254472056,0.0,0.0,0.13178798216076731,0.0,0.0,0.14360852386627052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471609204282392,0.036915204208318515,0.0,0.13033634522544713,0.046998377369110465,0.0,0.0,0.04960225431646306,0.0,0.13224382990890896,0.22528164029881725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080932810902247,0.0,0.05763801757831497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095572745108847,0.055354122173661084,0.05705219515593054,0.0,0.08430436686428877,0.0,0.17397713112898106,0.06809628471675054,0.10885780624303926,0.04547190219945403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027194501452616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402204479524925,0.0,0.23754722695466826,0.0,0.0,0.0588799224248101,0.20922196895164305,0.0,0.04448171829769045,0.10089498462457112,0.0,0.0,0.1990801598826865,0.0,0.26694530530257865,0.03771646497559868,0.0,0.057833891739595474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040788968547577915,0.0,0.1930809563844646,0.0,0.0900131448491752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240164353831486,0.0,0.10424745320472747,0.0,0.0,0.0595033388680714,0.0,0.1061613005606376,0.0,0.15887183231415905,0.0,0.0,0.060917867441705485,0.0,0.11919732974574257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046926256524200134,0.0,0.054977440259058985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055901846881037984,0.0,0.0,0.03729037957681828,0.103171077834294,0.0,0.09323717876900857,0.09344309994417922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524079815638019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366476926658353,0.04214013730047615,0.11222458608016787,0.11643029275414983,0.0,0.04071844176870673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010698956861898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803053279957014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980336179314433,0.04609819878774495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505626225501882,0.0,0.0569214963900115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828404472017008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292939381955527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04508629059522815,0.0,0.04198437624269031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922488442281244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934333011359225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909922009956905,0.0373682818711826,0.11254401479552656,0.0,0.0,0.06047602339758412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938992121567988,0.12730287259649886,0.04614479785693373,0.0,0.06037521368781496,0.0,0.14029751628471446,0.033828640919616834,0.0,0.0,0.0923548483367497,0.06067961373034126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168812089212295,0.05742535255286041,0.10314528432181387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629156217947847,0.13068319522134791,0.0,0.04190588741251295,0.0,0.12857917306771868,0.04746867594306176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214223438604915,0.0,0.0,0.11530526885556408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leahkazuno,2019/04/10,"People calling me overdramatic This is very stupid I know but I hate when people or my father (did this since I was little, like 5 years old. I am 14 now and he still calls me that) constantly call me that. Yes, I tend to cry a lot and struggle with anxiety. They don’t know I self harm and that I have suicidal thoughts so I can’t really blame them, but the “overdramatic” and “overeacting” responses I get to my anxious behavior make me think stuff like “what if I’m just faking everything? I’m sure I’m just really exaggerating, right?”. I can’t tell if it’s real or not. Like I said, I don’t think I’m being really overdramatic, but... The thought just lingers there. (also sorry if there are some grammatical errors, English is not my first language)",1.9395270270270255,4.4007889662162185,3.8837162162162175,83.69354729729733,81.63513513513513,7.7540540540540555,22.763513513513516,8.660442795831766,1.7782891891891892,589,20,118,15,16,199,93,148,0.28600000000000003,0.6409999999999999,0.073,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,10,9,2,1,3,1,12,0,0,1,1,29,27,15,1,3,13,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,1,21,4,3,21,2,9,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,7,10,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741417536714192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231907385131518,0.1658680223521906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.449767618758922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866333468223398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612779999549999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319549050697119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488743617208894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670887614369196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495716170417025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137999071729947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151906759311759,0.14715506151578478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482353160435013,0.0,0.0,0.09800538852313696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540658766038008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20357694673335866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711654017715155,0.2821754205991148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538590662006344,0.1396621468154427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316824725052225,0.0,0.0,0.12145337385044977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435615338706586,0.0,0.0,0.11725291294308313,0.0,0.0,0.15349111529220244,0.16807702941677666,0.16060036111436632,0.0,0.13837879297076833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832963720691554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815630008291967,0.0,0.23312187586134636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211442229002068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454909781309756
suicidewatch,pigeonnihilist,2019/04/10,"I am nothing but pain I am in so much pain. I can't enjoy anything. I don't even have the words to express how trapped I feel, in a very unfriendly environment. No one understands, and no one ever will.

What is the point in planning in the future if I don't have one but killing myself ?

I am so ashamed of being trans, of who I am. I cannot even say it out loud. writing, thinking it makes me feel sick.

Nothing is okay. Everything is so bad. I don't see any way out. No one can help me, I am not from the US, I don't know anyone in my country who could help.

I don't have the strength to reach out. I don't have the strength to kill myself right now. I just feel pain.

In three days it's my birthday, and I wish a car could hit me before that, I wish that the pain would end.",-0.02811764705882069,1.7161844235294126,1.9147058823529408,99.14617647058823,84.17647058823529,4.941176470588236,20.588235294117645,5.900188976854957,-0.240470588235294,592,18,149,4,17,196,87,170,0.28300000000000003,0.574,0.14300000000000002,-0.9873,0,1,0,0,1,2,24.0,1,0,0,3,9,12,2,1,9,1,26,5,0,2,1,26,37,9,2,6,5,0,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,12,8,0,5,0,6,25,4,15,31,1,18,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,1,5,107,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599404962458726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842059836359087,0.0,0.10406206945990257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055850276438286,0.0,0.0,0.10760428317851928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192879120317447,0.0,0.0,0.0815533107580064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200200421883176,0.0,0.0,0.16704527833677993,0.1143862039229758,0.0,0.0,0.11365001419000352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918190414876802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952085949296286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798084626783936,0.0,0.0694966141096242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441000196595147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929593137728522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24267485014569484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427579714776509,0.0,0.538230103868771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954128438700927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799227250452206,0.0,0.10056245790628122,0.0,0.0,0.10076862994132207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102755317456829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316445942893376,0.1521103491826266,0.0,0.0,0.10433899857206358,0.0,0.10037445869354557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908350780959523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898303311032045,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,katzu-keytama,2019/04/10,I have a noose I am just done with everything I stay home sick from school only to find out that there's a rumor that I'm treating my female friend like a whore and everyone thinks it's true. I don't know what do when I go back to school tomorrow everybody will look at me differently and I'm the kind of person that thinks of every possible that could happen and picks the worst.,6.629177215189872,5.4017964430379735,6.8998417721518965,80.77102848101269,65.58227848101265,10.937974683544304,28.610759493670894,10.125756701596842,2.314162025316455,305,7,66,6,4,99,58,79,0.146,0.748,0.106,-0.6369,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,7,2,0,1,1,13,15,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,5,8,12,1,7,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,4,41,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671642122638457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357312775903871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271326954374178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224717291041169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316562380345994,0.20773132766275804,0.1953816324584419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869613310071388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679597181546992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355123601168988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922426882569505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806605338304816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226384625539316,0.11947523290557666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620877268906537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255800461908175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533956038561826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982192370953452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508148299112165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400329989346994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317153593012026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27859733632576805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,somebitchsthrowaway,2019/04/10,"Sliced open my neck today. Taking a break from boyfriend until Monday. What should I do? I’ve been under a lot of stress this week. I cut myself for six or seven years, was on hard drugs for a few years and in and out of rehab. I met boyfriend last year when I was 21 and in a really good place. We rarely ever fight. I’m more mature, have a great job, my own place, my degree etc, but I’m still horrifically depressed.


We love each other a lot but today I was so stressed out and so I sliced open my neck trying to Sever the vein but it was totally pathetic and I bled for like 20 minutes after calling my boss and telling him I was too stressed to come in. My boyfriend came over and at my suggestion I thought we should not talk to each other for a few days because he’s stressed with school and I’m clearly falling apart. He agreed.


Don’t know what to do or what’s gonna happen. Wish this was over",1.6729505135387512,3.4395734814814847,2.793501400560224,94.83630252100842,78.73544973544973,5.505259881730471,20.64145658263305,6.2272716619740125,-0.03724052287581703,704,18,160,5,17,225,112,189,0.166,0.703,0.131,-0.846,1,0,1,0,1,1,17.0,3,0,0,0,6,11,2,4,8,0,13,6,3,1,3,37,26,17,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,20,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,7,0,2,10,1,21,4,24,13,10,33,0,1,0,1,13,15,0,4,15,106,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970294431012016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350862310739575,0.14954121255822486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126280749969984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432183081839946,0.0,0.1126133109963928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162650711285874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581890562625802,0.0,0.11826931421303695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966546273748924,0.0,0.1441504518276573,0.0,0.0,0.11562028146174078,0.0,0.11712478668162705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974750350151334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185584108034533,0.10657730747674148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387701037348455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223150419127682,0.11800543690527587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27320827037684353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376070287783648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232425027599035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770835221237294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441575366558226,0.0,0.5990868999343546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983064426096059,0.10509052322436767,0.1142797688369182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103799537909189,0.0,0.0,0.2478681827427087,0.0,0.0,0.08876950668745695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487839200152577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503540814181802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25259283693909684
suicidewatch,3kool5ulol,2019/04/10,"Hi, I’ve been here before, but now it’s for a friend Recently, I met a trans girl online, and she seemed kinda fun, but then I saw posts about her feeling terrible because she took too many sleeping pills and I asked why, and she said that she was trying to kill her self. We talked back and forth and she told me she was in one of those camps where they try to “cure” “impurities” like wanting to be the opposite gender (apparently they are still legal in some states in the US, which is where she lives) she told me that it was hell there, and she saw one of her best friends shoot her self in the head (I don’t know if she’s still alive). She told me that she was going to try and kill herself everyday until she succeeds. I’m heartbroken that this even can happen to a person, but if she kills herself, I’m probably going to get suicidal thoughts again. Please help me…",4.127821969696967,4.932895835227273,4.477727272727275,89.08242424242425,70.76136363636363,7.912121212121212,24.89393939393939,8.07648339933343,1.1248803030303027,681,18,149,9,12,214,108,176,0.194,0.647,0.159,-0.9311,1,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,2,0,2,2,12,11,4,0,6,0,10,3,2,0,0,20,30,14,4,3,5,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,9,8,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,5,0,2,14,4,31,6,15,15,2,20,1,0,2,0,39,6,1,5,10,99,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156904955082397,0.0,0.0,0.0999920781105205,0.0,0.07927065774895367,0.0,0.11065373726278506,0.0,0.13646806323385874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588963094248273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575170055750536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009358466109679,0.0,0.06794008775456302,0.0,0.14780848932465193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499318927202537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345768232474334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716249991543291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316071516654029,0.0,0.0714661150205465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353055926818399,0.0,0.11482695026791367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318392858000868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762357844886629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354516834437405,0.0,0.14274393467502838,0.0,0.0,0.1245415578128928,0.0,0.1402041958250166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283979707850437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369700858160895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838275657148276,0.27131838406600955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013306089460486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076988634251107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224172189780965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452054150927463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323655813871976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37277393636512973,0.14447827838541102,0.2648641368549053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564210839589041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767004587929383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734010493410778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emaxha,2019/04/10,"It's weird to still be alive I was never supposed to make it this far, yet here I am. I was going to end it all a little over half a year ago, I was convinced it was going to happen and I didn't look beyond the date I had set for myself.

I just don't know what to do with myself or with my life at all. I can't go to school, I can't work, all I have is therapy. But the problem is that I'm still struggling to find the motivation to try and get better, it's so much easier to give up.  I'm expected to do things and to want to improve but I just don't have it in me. I'm still here for pretty much no reason at all other than to waste people's time. The time and recources that are spent on trying to help me or fix me should be given to someone who has more worth than I do and could actually give something back to the world. I just don't know anymore. 

Does anyone feel the same?",1.4184433164128585,2.2721367664974683,3.5482436548223366,93.01532656514385,77.2741116751269,6.268561759729272,19.732318104906934,6.42735559955562,-0.10413204737732684,681,13,167,5,15,234,108,197,0.061,0.8170000000000001,0.122,0.8583,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,12,5,0,1,8,0,25,1,0,3,5,32,43,10,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,6,0,2,3,8,3,0,1,8,2,19,2,29,31,8,26,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,2,12,125,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.15152754517780326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376433211465084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399264534480725,0.10857299653921326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939810695548456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732951841763502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239757158072879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588358335425615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375289631770178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851250543060799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191998293363922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112560532363654,0.2979108929416953,0.2647417798109035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731056871003255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040786198673404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706718973374031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967644198558962,0.0,0.15562792784947765,0.0,0.0,0.1303932215268976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364832426985678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282923083384942,0.0,0.1197588725850726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764923085787864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797210689756905,0.0,0.14857871847437584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965018763957906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571481908694132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315653440909131,0.11953949899997032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720122370447281,0.0,0.0,0.1623287977333244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757230407801067,0.0,0.1031588614821207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810860474049324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108452131972562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158615117861472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130432010774498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999302790622386
suicidewatch,tomuchtoohandlenow,2019/04/10,"Intrusive thoughts. Think I found my plan I think I found my plan and can’t stop thinking about it.  

I have muscle relaxers and pain killers from a  recent back/hip injury.  Taking all of them would not kill me.  But I’m staying next to a beautiful inlet.  Large deep expanse of water.  I could take them with alcohol and swim out as far as I can.   

Since it popped in my head I can’t stop thinking about it.  I’ll be at work holding a conversation and in my head all I’m thinking about is swimming.  It’s intrusive.   But very appealing.  So much easier than constant anxiety.",1.5060653505786237,4.002549150442484,3.046017699115044,88.70611300204223,84.04424778761063,6.6627637848876775,24.6215112321307,7.882392219407189,1.5810972089857045,446,18,90,9,13,146,74,113,0.14300000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.113,-0.3364,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,3,4,3,1,0,3,0,8,5,2,0,2,24,20,9,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,3,8,3,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,14,1,15,14,3,14,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742020114185112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469783438383175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534023604512795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614972731330103,0.0,0.13014566042443754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35745157720412746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345788530593418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034009390461625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982690741111288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733569098457789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344805540343775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094706970811098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483883171801686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374088291250753,0.0,0.27255776772810403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451178773287355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222328305759026,0.0,0.12940719715107393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449560903400473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866906325095278,0.0,0.0,0.11579356958373806,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Loveyouguysbut,2019/04/10,"I’m Still Angry My friend killed herself because a psychotic, cheating, disease-ridden con artist made her feel worthless. My clever, Beautiful, Kind friend hung herself because of a piece of filth you’d scrap off and leave on the sidewalk.

I only discovered what he was like after she died. She protected him because she loved him.

If you want to do it, and you’ve had enough- I completely understand.  I’m sure your reasons are sound. Thing is - the courageous thing to do would be to go and tell all your loved ones / acquaintances of your plans. Look them in the eye and tell them you’ve had enough.  They will know you have been suffering, and will accept your choice. However- if you suspect they may fall to the floor screaming as if you murdered them - I would be so very grateful if you took a little while to reconsider.  What hurts the most is that she snuck off and did it. That, and the fact I wasn’t given a chance to help. That, and that she is gone at all. It hurts so much.",2.456256544502615,4.9590856596858695,2.5910445026178017,93.49567670157069,79.83769633507853,5.914240837696338,23.16256544502618,7.1686216300943375,0.7782521465968579,775,26,159,10,20,234,115,191,0.161,0.633,0.206,0.8568,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,10,5,1,3,18,3,0,10,0,21,3,1,2,4,28,35,16,3,7,4,0,1,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,11,8,0,1,6,1,0,4,1,8,0,1,10,5,31,10,16,17,7,14,0,4,2,2,33,7,0,6,4,112,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822781281569709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161837135367673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019498670511018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189776958136889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804597347688531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23850689217444146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772288275191605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346017059481802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33047810092672697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076972927796005,0.16073584210151365,0.08482887088998546,0.0,0.0,0.16343850115817146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540952251538995,0.15470316559873531,0.0,0.0,0.1296184073230011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786208558984378,0.14605339945191267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346788224272485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459420247124106,0.1173931021506626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870152457573736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232672299621997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547673116913865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26982423725761584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509175507728875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149287071278224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068786134989912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273581389835543,0.09104193384904467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929717459726145,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YoSUu,2019/04/10,I wish i had a gun If i had one I probably pulled the trigger already,-1.5337499999999975,0.3452831250000017,2.2800000000000007,92.965,92.75,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.4469749999999997,54,3,13,1,2,20,12,16,0.17,0.638,0.191,0.0772,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409319196465746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33216240003562786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285029066647757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636891660808523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,noonecaresgoaway,2019/04/10,"I feel like a waste of space I want to write my whole life story about why I’m feeling what I’m feeling but there isn’t a point to anymore. 

I try my best to help support everyone in any way I can but I guess I’m just a piece of shit. 

I ask for help now because I was taught to never ask for help. Abuse has molded me into the way I am now and I’m sorry for everyone in my life that has to deal with me. 

I give up.",0.024974226804125976,0.9746034948453612,2.641842783505158,97.71781572164952,81.06185567010309,5.674742268041237,19.341494845360824,5.985473137389443,-0.3782154639175261,317,7,85,2,8,111,59,97,0.132,0.629,0.239,0.8537,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,4,0,6,3,1,0,1,13,20,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,14,3,16,18,3,11,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,1,4,53,16,1,0.0,0.2025158907659649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623355015817274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950975901906265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195799987924119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419311823727508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937321894273114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621418201946668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32664864007623384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259271522592374,0.12210747678494513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396498533624093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829103383951265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436983967626428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414560410910223,0.08350437931868276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182641019534136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157755025409445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545007717185254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133438541987705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939614765693636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160455461991808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081485632647408,0.2713415574702717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423148709189474,0.19082950586710587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-SadUsername-,2019/04/10,"I want to stop living not because life is so hard, but there are no good reasons for me to keep living anymore. Title kinda summarizes it I guess, I don't have good friends, things I enjoy doing. As soon as I get home I just go to bed and stay there for as long as I can. If I stopped living I wouldn't be bored and alone anymore, I'm thinking of overdosing on paracetamol but am a bit scared.",1.122078313253013,3.02493293975904,2.8152861445783164,93.3573870481928,81.04819277108435,5.595783132530121,22.423192771084338,6.6274283507984215,0.4427120481927709,306,10,68,3,8,101,60,83,0.196,0.636,0.168,-0.1263,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,16,16,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,10,4,11,14,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947034170502625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628540198748919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151833385428712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972275481172805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413387466559246,0.0,0.09557843473807846,0.0,0.10396883870452013,0.3068822561500117,0.0,0.0,0.20152868758247452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638780245426313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835034198198412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626051973991065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292157095260541,0.0,0.0,0.4846172798010817,0.16189586425002706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880924645105314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315453854616515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498936307093892,0.0,0.3058915359380506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153699772703745,0.11722036322332766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790256588429513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheHunter032,2019/04/10,They took the last thing I cared about. It's gone my job is gone. They are gonna give it to some pretty white boy and the bitch that did it say their Nd smiled at me the whole time. Laughing watching me die on the inside as she told me Bout how I'll grow from this. Everyone gets their happiness except me everyone has it but me I try to get it Nd they kick me in the throT and watch me chole on my own blood as they laugh.,-0.540469208211146,1.5003884623655956,0.9029716520039096,103.64718475073313,89.10752688172043,4.672140762463343,13.830889540566961,6.11248444174946,-1.1286043010752684,329,5,85,3,11,104,65,93,0.048,0.797,0.155,0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,6,0,2,5,1,0,5,0,4,1,1,1,0,6,13,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,5,4,18,4,11,7,3,10,0,0,3,0,11,4,1,1,2,53,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482536263170725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25270350967942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653290286304448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544262778790289,0.2335771774164179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591989472954037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24162561496191146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847632335948584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771621121541426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363250896326947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176350889727806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141980601664733,0.0,0.0,0.2326645143152224,0.2705256338258221,0.1653132897695571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718471706431846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaptainBathrobe,2019/04/10,"I'm trying to hold out... I am trying to hold out until my kids are grown.  I have about 9 more years until my youngest is 18.  The problem is that I am so totally and completely miserable, I'm not sure I can wait that long.  Things just keep getting worse.  It's a bleak thing to be in your 50s and to realize that you are a failure.  Not much time to recover.  I understand being 20 something and depressed, but trying being 50 something and unable to make a decent living when you have kids.  No time for new directions, just a steady downhill drift. 

All my friends, what few remain to me, are far more successful and prosperous.  My kids' friends get to vacation in Hawaii or Europe, whereas we struggle to afford one camping trip a year.  My oldest has noticed this and complains about the fact that we can't have nice things.  I haven't yet told him what I feel like saying--that his father is a loser, so he'd better get used to disappointment.  

Now, people are starting to question my competence at work.  I actually thought I was pretty good at this job, or at least good enough, but apparently not.  

My wife is clueless, doesn't understand, can't really pay attention long enough to care.  I'm worried about her ability, or willingness,  to care for the kids when I'm gone.  There's a part of me, though, that vindictively thinks that my death will finally force her to pay attention.  It's a terrible thought, I know, but it comes to my mind unbidden.  I love her, but she seems unable or unwilling to focus her attention on anything other than her work and herself.  I've told her how miserable I am, and with great effort she is able to direct her attention at me, but she never seems to retain any of the information.  20 minutes later, she says ""Hi Sweetie"" as if the subject never came up.  

In any event, thanks for reading this far.",4.756101694915259,5.961297796610168,5.532400000000003,80.61853220338985,69.62146892655367,8.94083615819209,29.69672316384181,9.281916038205594,2.561817536723164,1436,55,274,29,25,468,194,354,0.131,0.6859999999999999,0.183,0.9806,3,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,2,3,0,7,14,24,0,3,13,0,27,1,0,3,6,62,57,27,1,2,15,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,18,15,0,5,16,1,2,6,10,9,0,1,7,2,44,14,42,45,10,39,0,5,0,1,37,13,0,8,21,189,62,7,0.10757405060949178,0.0,0.10497675565150646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630808657166527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852427774847417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951405058515984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230360558431839,0.21935782806204496,0.0,0.0,0.09266551934267328,0.1127893453820913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926533721601548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22230550127186868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439267222672496,0.07685092324973257,0.0,0.1178421142646454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622288930384624,0.0,0.16860900446476978,0.0,0.0,0.18045601966995972,0.0,0.11860077056672468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675064628160852,0.09561675891077658,0.0,0.0,0.059119884910509665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255524735261633,0.0,0.09498985753615073,0.19039929926288698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970897806464141,0.0,0.07180651410802855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861912520088987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907930482687937,0.0,0.16593547911980133,0.10389568841498552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247376961491314,0.0,0.0,0.07289496073130364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649221379537493,0.0,0.07457830185647021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944148303914457,0.0,0.10293383824041068,0.0,0.0,0.120507556160669,0.0,0.10760316167534513,0.0,0.06891469141143466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554720275090345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958627509521903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563151950357904,0.0,0.0,0.07614146670199817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245975452752373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138726961285037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990397327717124,0.0,0.0,0.21440225766983254,0.06892910798077702,0.1056909585405382,0.17080356009175934,0.1254545879959876,0.0,0.0,0.20558323068406245,0.0,0.21910715705312367,0.0,0.0,0.22397676097427535,0.0,0.09290944060561876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663038008893848,0.10924667016261852,0.1096271478793268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854832327744449
suicidewatch,TheLivingJoke2,2019/04/10,"How to do it. I'm not afraid of death, and I desperately want to die. I've tried stabbing, poison, and overdosing, but have failed every time. I´m running out of ideas; I'm severely limited in my resources. My parents have put strict restrictions on me, and its kept me from attempting again. Right now Im planning on making some c-4 and detonating it on my chest. However I'm having trouble acquiring the materials I need. Any suggestions for a better method?",3.98988372093023,6.4704428139534915,5.342034883720931,75.90979651162795,74.34883720930233,9.41627906976744,30.517441860465127,9.827888789773867,3.5277488372093018,366,17,64,11,8,122,66,86,0.217,0.7090000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9297,2,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,6,3,5,1,1,2,0,4,2,1,2,0,16,11,6,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,11,10,1,11,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974135009336959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567461687302831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012848748504989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24458970819505746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32771261111168626,0.31357309478769685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937770586995846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525327672877886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223430542056073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918310104432862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479140438434229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279556153806436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927587534507965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970941910641832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122606774423998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,berbehgroot,2019/04/10,"How effective is a train? If I were to go and wait for a train, then jump in front of it, would that for sure kill me? I'm doing everything I can to avoid living, especially with an injury of any kind",2.6050387596899256,3.1930381860465147,4.54418604651163,88.01224806201557,74.11627906976744,8.524031007751939,21.310077519379846,8.841846274778883,0.9626961240310076,154,3,37,3,3,53,36,43,0.202,0.626,0.172,-0.3661,0,1,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,2,1,9,8,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,8,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759216877185507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36465899514490396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059521514908424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44889863657543744,0.4225227777384937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582817931896227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382411487980886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288230833115988,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,scubasam6,2019/04/10,"I almost attempted. Almost. I guess I’m glad I didn’t. I had a handful of pills of all kinds inches from my face. With the pills I had, it almost definitely would have killed me. Everyone is freaking out and telling me I need to be hospitalized. Maybe they’re right. No one in my life can understand the pure fucking agony I feel inside. Bipolar disorder SUCKS. It’s telling me to do it. It’s telling me know one would care if I did it. I am disgustingly depressed. I just want a way out. I’m working 2 jobs, failing in school and thus disappointing my dad, unsure about my relationship (which has so many issues, but I can’t bring myself to leave)... just end it already.",1.2829417293233083,3.8055527218045135,2.912025375939852,88.99029370300755,85.69172932330827,6.031766917293233,23.35009398496241,7.413659706084162,1.1192860902255637,524,20,108,9,16,172,89,133,0.179,0.767,0.054000000000000006,-0.9151,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,4,0,4,0,14,7,2,1,2,23,26,5,1,5,4,1,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,4,2,20,3,12,19,1,9,0,3,0,1,5,6,2,5,1,68,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609176310270441,0.0,0.1693151738591702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643336117107678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215009064320296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175845478338495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589452596434376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661011216440528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757943826008849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184469663127844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902179408627072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014233788336335,0.15225681757109072,0.0,0.16974891950236515,0.15977501186772772,0.08432178956460472,0.0,0.0,0.16246151524622873,0.0,0.0,0.1083730128460548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555551817863135,0.15414228967542462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376731040182225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793793994725565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647277173317874,0.0,0.13102942918004268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528059261863034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023169644030829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972731793052986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049771271304403,0.12178656603712384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169976031986212,0.0,0.0,0.2179862824354261,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Helpmeplease1222iii,2019/04/10,"My father's physical and mental abuse haunts me at night I am 23 years old. I have  finals next month. But I am unable to concentrate, every night when I am alone I get reminded of my past and I start crying. Last night I started self harming again.

Growing up my father was rarely home because of his job. We lived in the countryside at this time. But even as a 5 year old child he would threaten to hit me over the most trivial manner for eg: me vomiting because I was sick or because I wouldn't stop hiccuping. 

When we were eight he decided to move us all to the city together. That was when the problems started and it got worse. He beat me... An eight year old over things beyond my control..

My mother woke me up to watch the porridge she was making, she warned me that my father didn't like it burnt. Suddenly she told me to help push the car because it wouldn't start. The stove was still on... ""I kept telling her mom mom what's gonna happen to the porridge its going to burn??"" I was so scared of burning it.

My mom told me to go. Inside and turn off the stove and sit on the couch. When I sat on the couch, he came and kicked me hard. He said it was my fault the car wouldn't stop. An hour or two afterwards my mom came told me he didn't mean to do that, you just made him angry. Then he'd come and speak to me softly and saying how he loves me and would suddenly be affectionate. I usually wouldn't say anything and wouldn't move at all.

Then he'd ask me what I wanted to eat.. When I was a kid I was stick skinny... They made me eat until I vomited.. I grew up  overweight. He would constantly tell me I was fat, useless and stupid. He would continue beating me and the worst was when I had my final high school exams where he slapped me for talking back. All I did was tell HIM I didn't know where the comb was.

My mom told me to apologize. The worst part was he had to undergo surgery on his arm afterwards and I had to cook food for him and even spoonfeed him. Sometimes in his bouts of anger he would beat me while saying how he would kill me for talking back. He made me lose my self esteem by making me do things such as take his socks off for him whenever he came back home. 

I wasted a year of my life because he forced me to study a major I had no interest in despite securing a place elsewhere. I obtained the best  results in my family but it was never enough. My sister would always get praises for her exam results. I would get disappointment over one B.

All the years of abuse has made me bulimic, depressed and I have constantly have had to fight suicidal thoughts. I lost a lot of weight in college but the self hatred remains. Please... Help me. The pain is too much to bear. It really hurts so much.. If even one person replies I would be so grateful",1.8231736646292875,3.777704130281692,3.0072282753122543,92.59036274249272,79.0,6.2586234387456825,22.16064310390646,7.281374121172456,0.6376714988041456,2158,65,472,28,53,694,258,568,0.162,0.7879999999999999,0.05,-0.9955,1,1,0,0,5,1,66.0,3,1,1,9,26,24,4,1,27,0,53,16,3,11,5,70,93,39,2,17,8,10,3,1,0,15,8,5,6,6,16,21,8,5,4,1,0,13,10,17,0,5,43,9,91,7,56,30,14,88,1,6,1,1,74,25,0,5,50,310,107,5,0.0,0.13843335350211464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050421618501072,0.0,0.0,0.048609087346861764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048073661085468435,0.0,0.05461365374552432,0.0,0.0,0.13476125917083082,0.0,0.17805766642402682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130688345688201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044649220535235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032258815876504,0.0,0.12625984974631851,0.0655216057063714,0.0,0.0,0.06417026366705109,0.0,0.0,0.05031599155554626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955394950527228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060362194402445675,0.0,0.11575511814779578,0.0,0.049220324067939546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507200688238596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798979007431108,0.0,0.0,0.07064019531266189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915641713522739,0.0,0.0664014540415633,0.0,0.046722818255997466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165951568429754,0.0,0.05233173348225837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831372553399192,0.06172262633358499,0.11719755697441615,0.0,0.057530710087217475,0.0,0.06253848979316022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057971604180472674,0.0,0.06463170141369412,0.0,0.032105422183449875,0.047619085661945885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126289715482435,0.028540454819312968,0.0,0.05158483450974611,0.0,0.0,0.06535564842103155,0.0637709764076918,0.04966553985750435,0.0527252108502928,0.22110896922407486,0.07798995057076921,0.0,0.0,0.06363515463586426,0.0,0.0,0.05887236886915573,0.0,0.0,0.3420967226553975,0.046629296114772525,0.12417979130862487,0.08588901927951338,0.0,0.045056148370539235,0.0,0.06212901298076939,0.16446614387902778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390198154465812,0.0,0.0791721260238268,0.0,0.062161678442676636,0.0,0.0,0.06326182316908326,0.055767315719882055,0.0,0.05100900707333763,0.06103516939319451,0.06412625459703533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589886277136248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742455293604535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556961760409973,0.13937082582730265,0.05848736902958297,0.0591229029727577,0.0,0.0,0.18283051899630232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777764645004368,0.0,0.1653963933005003,0.0,0.04665329642844551,0.09768139674532406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639006406367145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04392363649053143,0.09390957129916193,0.15318171092453733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762165538712128,0.0,0.0,0.04637796923558754,0.03406444818489433,0.0,0.0,0.2232865109578743,0.0,0.0,0.06354283446182032,0.057066639000128726,0.0,0.0702705742077859,0.0,0.06434000973764166,0.0,0.034456897657073084,0.0,0.0,0.07113831040008849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059533706311522265,0.3734910927255185,0.0,0.0,0.18809882742349132
suicidewatch,onourboats,2019/04/10,"Meaningless life Hello everyone. 
I can't stop thinking about suicide. My life as perhaps that of many others of us is not easy. I am a 20 year old male and I recently met a girl. Generally I can't open myself to others and tell my emotions and thoughts. I've spent the last two years destroying myself. I recently tried to get help from a psychologist but I gave up. I can't take it anymore every day that passes, life loses all meaning. I met a special girl recently and after talking for a long time I opened up and told her about my life. Unfortunately I returned home. We live in two different countries. We continue to talk daily but my thoughts about suicide do not pass. I feel like I feel something for her and I would work hard to stay together but I wonder if doing so will not make her suffer more. I need some advice should i gave up on her?",1.6897430340557271,4.169674841176473,3.4477089783281762,86.28047987616102,82.94117647058823,6.4024767801857605,24.24148606811145,7.669130373188453,1.4314705882352945,673,26,132,12,19,224,106,170,0.14400000000000002,0.792,0.064,-0.9071,1,0,1,0,0,3,15.0,3,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,6,0,10,4,0,1,1,32,27,12,2,4,7,0,3,1,0,3,4,0,1,3,5,10,0,1,7,0,1,2,6,3,0,2,8,3,29,2,19,16,3,24,0,2,0,0,20,7,0,3,15,88,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260607187458807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793679917640707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319657974729948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478119149821055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451115644068502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086910053623057,0.12326836433641547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304560827255245,0.09216012001773008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673989998231077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556178940812505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646832099488024,0.0,0.12940102015554086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515506334103912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644759241916978,0.06302458967004622,0.0,0.11391244634174505,0.11416403036784875,0.0,0.14432190903867562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861108322244361,0.13078929236033995,0.0,0.14052262078183056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565445426069794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536746347991446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38212615392069454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931319020439977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750055734999694,0.0,0.10785269518734376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822177629108265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969945708348964,0.20737623961110027,0.11275473752485207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266022834339327,0.0,0.20482872465122776,0.07522297324206399,0.0,0.0,0.12326836433641547,0.0,0.08758490263520148,0.0,0.25203533227494285,0.0,0.15517531634875498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989878348070314,0.09391607814854376,0.0,0.0,0.09164037898510896,0.0,0.0,0.16614803780576545
suicidewatch,AKMH7,2019/04/10,"I don't know what do with my life anymore  (TL DR; IN THE END)

I'm a 2nd year student (going to 3rd year by September) studying mechanical engineering in a very reputed university. My course ends by 2021.

However, recently I found out that I'm not interested in my course.

I've discussed this with my mom and dad on 3-4 occasions, but it's always a no from them. Which is completely understandable to me because of the following two reasons:

1. They've shelled out a lot of money for me. I am very underskilled in this module. So because of that, I had to seek external help to do some of of my coursework. I don't find other modules in this course interesting either. So, essentially, they were the ones who keep preventing my pathetic ass from failing.
2. This module was my choice. My mom did warn me against it. But I was too naive that time. I thought I'll ace this course. Additionally, I didn't really know what to do in engineering, so I opted for mechanical engineering.

The course that I'm genuinely interested in is Computer Science. I love the coding, the math and logic behind every line of code etc. Additionally, I have a lot more training in this field than mechanics and thermodynamics.

Fuck, I should have listened to my mom that time.

Now, I don't what to do. Exams are coming up. I've deferred two papers due to illness. So I have to write three papers (there are 5 in total).

I've turned into this pathetic piece of trash. I've reached that phase where nothing in life is interesting to me. I keep gaming even though exams are nearing. I do anything to not face my problems in my life (even though I'm aware that it's the worst solution since those problems will eventually bite me in the ass.). I lie to my mom about my progress everyday. 

I've made multiple attempts to live a good lifestyle. Like study properly and not get distracted by stupid shit. I've failed every single time. Because of this, I don't even know if I'm worth living. I'm physically alright. Not the best in shape, but still athletic enough to not feel shit about myself. 

But mentally, I'm pathetic. Absolute garbage. I've reached this point where my brain doesn't even give a shit about life anymore. All that goes to my head are games, food and porn.

I want to kill myself. Because at this point I have no faith in myself that I'll improve even one bit.

​

TL DR; I don't know what to do anymore because I've been an absolute lazy piece of garbage in my life. I'm contemplating suicide because I strongly believe that I'm beyond saving at this point.",3.2249820788530457,5.4136153870967805,4.576811827956991,81.88091218637994,75.57258064516128,7.957275985663083,28.159318996415767,8.778014704023537,2.335959910394265,2016,85,390,44,45,667,232,496,0.179,0.715,0.106,-0.9939,1,0,0,0,0,4,75.0,0,0,2,7,21,24,6,1,17,1,33,20,8,2,2,50,63,16,2,5,11,5,1,1,0,2,8,1,0,0,32,13,1,3,11,2,2,3,14,12,0,5,10,2,48,12,65,51,15,45,1,2,0,5,16,30,6,4,13,248,80,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541770890214492,0.08518417824759843,0.09553127859374162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390820782292365,0.0,0.0,0.06469713665489303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28755424696960635,0.0,0.0,0.08857723611896852,0.08250629819609144,0.0,0.08583211444201161,0.0,0.0,0.08776534535438464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772372416461653,0.08243103335036094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926705494473735,0.08123494345690092,0.08768150696779761,0.2596371390700049,0.0,0.13248061248175586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975237344580181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185678421619257,0.0,0.09506699232551463,0.08620220642090745,0.0,0.07268244625449824,0.0410754355774856,0.07541897309758827,0.04468126463858186,0.06594229324275216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068627247662573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052696983009247016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976121974867167,0.08698081078463936,0.0,0.17282884968322573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776563336060777,0.038409508740245325,0.0,0.13884488978959425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336789479581066,0.07095715396992222,0.07439165685800354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922994853987463,0.0,0.0,0.3683127586306089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754375154370316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654919431901268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296247380130693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045645710828268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036565472404796,0.08083392377982519,0.07762725588924084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421053121138973,0.06503484973391398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278562161234574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599695521958901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448648804145013,0.062415088546651586,0.13753096037600168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551542262002401,0.15359962434576455,0.08184565568241968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297386162717546,0.046371808722035834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553127859374162,0.10125674032445436
suicidewatch,ldefrisco2,2019/04/10,"High school is almost over but I didn't start my senior project. My school makes us do a senior project in order to graduate. The senior project can be about anything we're interested in. The problem is you either have to make something or host an event. I don't have too many interests but I do like math. That is why I picked tutoring. I thought I could tutor kids in math and make that my project but I am almost out of time to do anything. For the project we have to have 20+ hours doing the project outside of school time, we have to write a paper, make a PowerPoint presentation, and create a portfolio. The only thing I've done is the paper because it was due near the beginning of the year. I haven't even started the other three. We only have 2 weeks left before the product (Me tutoring people) and presentation are due. We have to fill out product logs for how many hours we did that day or time. We need at least 10 of those and the presentation needs to be between 20-30 slides and last 8-12 minutes. I also need feedback forms from the kids I ""tutored"". I am getting increasingly nervous because the due date is approaching and I don't think I am going to pass. The counselor told me this morning  that they have me on the not graduating list. I wouldn't care that much about repeating but I have a group of friends who are all seniors and even they tell me I'm probably going to fail. Although they said they would help me fill out some of the feedback forms. I am very smart; I could make A's if I applied myself. The problem is I'm so scared I go to sleep when I go home that way I don't have to deal with all the stuff I have due. Overall the whole circumstance is a lot of pressure for me. I don't wanna be the only one out of my friends that doesn't graduate but I think if I fail it would be easier to just start over next year and pick something different. I was diagnosed with depression by several psychologists and psychiatrists, I hate public speaking, and I am also socially awkward. I have been thinking if I end up failing I might kill myself because my parents already bought a room for me for college and they don't have English IV in summer school because of the senior project. I don't want to fail a year and not graduate with my friends. Overall I don't know what to do but as I said if I don't graduate I might kill myself just to save my parents money at that point. They buy me things and I'm a total failure in school. Sometimes I wish I could just be dead only because I'd have no responsibilities. I don't know what to do I feel like a constant failure and I just want to die.",3.869943609022556,4.9310294154135335,4.863984962406018,85.12575187969925,71.57518796992481,7.78045112781955,29.413533834586467,8.119692808369301,1.8889766917293238,2067,82,428,29,38,676,223,532,0.162,0.755,0.084,-0.9939,4,0,2,0,0,4,42.0,7,1,6,4,14,24,3,4,33,0,65,3,1,8,3,87,101,33,4,19,19,2,1,2,3,5,2,3,2,2,19,27,0,0,7,0,4,10,16,14,0,2,11,4,73,10,57,77,12,67,0,5,0,0,33,20,0,12,37,302,92,37,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489565584295899,0.0,0.08207737312555696,0.11895925071171652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224126192036368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22669903668769215,0.0,0.06328973760457404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583277423677927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037560775861327,0.0,0.17815304139225427,0.0,0.0,0.04796730656246667,0.07667989208951709,0.06406119458212334,0.07549155305022545,0.07719205750447224,0.07770861195359471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761139616394877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587635035341538,0.0,0.0,0.0982512175326525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037607476966244315,0.05313527002133368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723915159389486,0.0,0.03885915137783754,0.0,0.16908169098472714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734323402080926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985364150426898,0.07858386674762115,0.07460665356857092,0.0,0.14649362556142329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457527209279318,0.0,0.08175181027147993,0.06062755434413095,0.0,0.0,0.08081132447230506,0.0,0.0,0.07267413691426193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323305403462891,0.0,0.0,0.24823764992531044,0.15081413444619748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780545585114994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054675988750599855,0.16544982542039938,0.0,0.0,0.07910126913354286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040008965234926,0.2262696299859491,0.0,0.0,0.16517472766432995,0.0,0.0,0.05156396357137928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031073762385237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019147824851586,0.14233836258448687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149998742489342,0.0,0.07446480954001129,0.3763697856790364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402535551756157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443117134074012,0.0758184506651288,0.0,0.1145188000444366,0.07356120663243465,0.0,0.15793424029080114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514439342077197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650091755893439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988261547832457,0.1429742133215426,0.0,0.05904739268120835,0.13011027961733365,0.0,0.0,0.07107084737784071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946692271289054,0.0,0.0,0.06136919132293596,0.08773950218467892,0.05903736324674313,0.059661109490734714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671140861165519,0.08303977437961854,0.08553040471614391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567122267840663,0.0,0.0,0.1436899309152215
suicidewatch,Throwaway90001796537,2019/04/10,"I'm an autistic aromantic asexual. Really, what's the point? I've have no idea what's going on 90% of the time. I literally feel like I'm surrounded by aliens. I just want out from this disturbing experience.",1.7397560975609778,4.397217121951222,4.588487804878049,76.77053658536586,85.09756097560975,10.109268292682929,25.27317073170732,9.888512548439397,3.461893658536585,166,7,32,7,5,59,33,41,0.152,0.752,0.095,-0.5065,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151866640824057,0.0,0.0,0.21461111623616916,0.3032221390715508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412207183554323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791444442169298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073613933031082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40123579410518173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27190903192309746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24749610622677734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034745775103506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,faithcircus14,2019/04/10,"those who care can’t help, and those who can help don’t care Listen, there’s just too many obnoxious details. I should just get over it. It’s not that bad. I don’t actually want to kill myself. I wish I were brave enough to but I don’t want my nephews to grow up having to talk about their crazy aunt who committed suicide when they were 3 and 1. Also my ex-therapist and ex-roommate would make it about herself. 🙄 

But it’s astonishing to me how people can say things like, “There were just no signs, how could they kill themselves?!” Literally my standard greeting these days is, “Well, I haven’t killed myself yet today.” And people laugh, like I’m joking. They see me crying in the middle of rehearsal and I make “jokes” like that, and they think I’m fine? 

I reach out to the people who can help me, and they call me elitist, and ungrateful, and ignorant. I tell them I’m in pain and upset and they ignore me. I get the picture: I’m not worth the time to respond. I’m not their problem.

But, Jesus Christ, even if it were my worst enemy, *I* would take the time to ask, “Are you getting help from anyone?” I know I’m horrible and I keep sending horrible messages to my “”””””ex””””” and he just ignores me. I beg him to at least piss on me while I’m on fire and he ignores me. If he asked me for anything, even to fuck off, I would do it, but he just ignores me. I’m the crazy ex and I can’t stop it. 

The worst part is that I *am* elitist and ungrateful and ignorant. But ignoring me when I reach out just reinforces that I’m useless. Which I guess is true. I *am* useless. Oh, I’m useful enough, when someone needs to use me, but when I have a problem? It’s “why don’t you move somewhere else where there’s more opportunities?”

I’m going through antidepressant discontinuation syndrome too. If you’ve never experienced that, lucky you. I asked a few friends to please send me some weed (I don’t smoke, I’ve never smoked, but literally I’ve puked while driving because the brain shocks and motion sickness are awful) and they ignore me. I don’t want to spend $300+ on a shit ton of illegal substances that I don’t even know will work! 

I just want to close my eyes and go away. But it’s fine: after Easter I’m quitting everything extracurricular. No more performing, no more playing, no more being elitist and ungrateful and ignorant. I’ll just be a hermit in my apartment and I won’t disturb anyone again.",1.762866838487973,3.917489253608249,3.2891817010309303,89.47741516323026,80.17525773195877,6.185996563573884,23.09385738831615,7.333567415737692,0.8733032646048104,1868,63,395,26,48,614,219,485,0.28,0.574,0.146,-0.9984,0,0,2,0,0,2,74.0,0,3,10,4,29,43,6,2,12,1,36,7,4,6,4,90,77,43,4,16,22,4,1,3,1,6,2,2,0,0,24,26,0,11,3,3,2,8,20,26,1,0,4,6,65,17,36,64,13,41,2,2,2,1,44,17,3,6,19,258,89,1,0.0,0.0,0.09362089994148023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672097027860245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416308742304311,0.0,0.07894816807822327,0.0,0.2690650858233171,0.0,0.0901361881229964,0.0,0.08010358195096992,0.0584824465582859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709767997062107,0.0979626409479732,0.0,0.1956288051095093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659807377693678,0.0,0.10538254518630008,0.061871578361600385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014324747136027,0.0,0.0,0.19825761390555569,0.0,0.19009691205334847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622219862562071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412086795271337,0.08869242566089024,0.15036973316866153,0.0,0.1090466803639462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568567780884644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25721881906590777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085273420417294,0.3184210008876721,0.0,0.1054491881637652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061025766883936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807769549997058,0.09726529594978577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019660955166514,0.0,0.07113624238403858,0.14798541630481005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208397960354933,0.0,0.0,0.1038906739307466,0.0,0.19953239245901325,0.0,0.0,0.1053102720251112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359795005456925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204105605678383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629313803146595,0.0,0.0,0.07644955337626846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847819064675252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812873058852016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020782226940218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493976126187772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213285940707061,0.07711071355579786,0.08385336992939324,0.0,0.0,0.1113905214530599,0.06373643443878206,0.061472704898088634,0.0,0.0,0.1118835437147884,0.0,0.09093727889365627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571793229033194,0.0,0.0,0.22634506182904635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625909373907789,0.0,0.08656843037287901,0.0,0.1103230828856896,0.0,0.0,0.06984344796662657,0.0,0.0,0.2044531724748445,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,void-lad,2019/04/10,"What’s the point? Just like any other day, I just don’t see I reason to keep going.",-0.8147368421052619,0.8905593684210551,1.778157894736843,99.2346052631579,86.89473684210527,3.8,9.5,3.1291,-2.040284210526316,64,0,16,0,2,22,17,19,0.0,0.848,0.152,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098806013264573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938783449340988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589755974756523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050326874262681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226240809254551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307684688754564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685188272201508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631209807815817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CosmpolitanDreams,2019/04/10,Posting here to avoid depressing people that I talk to I want to die but can't afford a gun at the moment and every day I'm just waiting for bedtime to come so I can fall asleep.  I rarely leave the house as I've no motivation due to loneliness and have spent most of the past decade in bed.  Long waiting list for therapy and I know I've got to work hard on CBT and DBT on myself as I had therapy before and so I don't see therapy as a magic bullet anyways.  Anyone else feel like they're just waiting for each day to end?,2.0762400793650784,3.398599937500002,4.013333333333332,88.45388888888891,76.41071428571429,7.120634920634919,23.158730158730158,7.793537801064563,0.9750861111111112,411,12,91,6,9,140,76,112,0.125,0.773,0.101,-0.3968,1,1,0,1,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,5,0,5,1,1,1,0,19,16,11,1,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,4,3,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,3,3,8,1,18,13,2,14,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,8,52,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578214396299556,0.1843169124063147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530717693420254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495791842231985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320262577785588,0.0,0.15493760555804076,0.0,0.1866957467130813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027366594983754,0.0,0.15932771864839712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156372596689385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909569743467611,0.12851230080062787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438731775267937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114466255706555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756704823387187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886195391861287,0.0,0.0,0.1904758297559025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788438018477979,0.0,0.0,0.15919556320480535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172382176945067,0.1247119586349546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172283350590845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433477555321811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458747275219316,0.0,0.0,0.6171541495766201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061028323778883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096088940334474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jacobod,2019/04/10,"It gets better I know this probably isn’t what a lot of people on here want to hear, but this sub saved me and I wanted to share. 

My first attempt was almost a year ago in July. I didn’t really have a plan, I was just going to jump in the river by my house and knock my head with a big ole rock and hope that did the job. A friend stopped me. 

A few weeks later I went to try again, same park the river was in and everything. This time I was gonna hang myself from the swings. Another friend stopped me just in time. 

Two more attempts and my friends and family got together and put me on a 24/7 watch. It sucked. I was never alone, never allowed to be. I hated it, but it kept me safe. 

I started seeing a therapist. I got on medication. And it was hard, so hard, but I began to feel better. I was on bupropion for 8 months, and got cleared to stop this week.

I’m in college, loving my courses, and met the love of my life in january. Last year I could only see life getting worse. Today I can PROMISE that it gets better. I wanted to share this and thank this sub - I never posted here (as far as I can recall) but I always read people’s accounts and the supportive comments helped me realize that so many people (even ones I don’t know) care about us. You’re loved. You can do this. 

It. Gets. Better.",0.4146002460024576,2.5556279077490807,2.4761734317343205,93.39900799507996,85.42066420664206,5.384551045510457,17.88942189421894,6.742157984588678,-0.02584437884378854,997,24,221,12,30,334,147,271,0.08,0.665,0.255,0.9954,2,1,0,0,0,1,40.0,1,1,0,8,9,21,2,0,14,0,18,7,1,1,4,42,51,20,0,5,6,0,3,0,3,1,3,1,0,0,18,13,0,5,4,2,1,5,6,2,0,3,16,7,34,19,27,32,4,39,0,0,3,3,14,12,1,3,21,145,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864854088170766,0.0,0.09769716734196103,0.10104782603139406,0.0,0.0,0.08118182354021444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230531832611472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34515294876849023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994739313625826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789764425671145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444070500847561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768505295745985,0.0,0.09197551710503307,0.0,0.04933175160886711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298866532233654,0.0,0.0,0.2261352297419372,0.0,0.20389456120372,0.0,0.05544838855284402,0.0,0.23409472141867585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479799704095902,0.09632515285337996,0.10012974841588068,0.0,0.10996274797231244,0.0,0.06539570473428948,0.0,0.0,0.0969039729972201,0.0,0.112576810510669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096818121832648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723824949777352,0.07952842606916431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137825967053349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294620024380503,0.26416843004019563,0.0,0.0,0.09891550856075808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828638569418888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787538288842738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22574422722554874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611251018051545,0.07420251292792214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202917678722917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344021740751292,0.0,0.10519147800461234,0.0,0.0,0.09807968537049844,0.0,0.0,0.09759131564580074,0.0,0.06250258168489549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554932080885335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905694772304742,0.0,0.0,0.2447059082951247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071550729679384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982466381017648,0.0,0.113280384034052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137817709601333,0.0,0.0924801297426918,0.0,0.0,0.06624017173008669,0.0,0.09530674345484627,0.0,0.11735857772228506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263894086587878,0.0,0.15652137667986032,0.0,0.0,0.09044365199250726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942698174910244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256572106120892
suicidewatch,aceagle93,2019/04/10,"Help for my dad I hope this is allowed, but my dad has been struggling with depression for a few years now and refuses to get any help about it. He has made active comments about wanting to kill himself and has even said that suicidal thoughts ""are normal"" and that he doesn't need to talk to anyone about them since everyone has suicidal thoughts. Last night he made a comment to my girlfriend about people his age committing suicide and said ""I think it's just people my age wanting to control how they die, I'll never get old and senile"". My dad is only in his early 50's and it's really upsetting me and I have no clue how to help him. I've tried talking to him and he has assured me he would never commit suicide but that doesn't seem to be enough. I'm convinced that without any intervention he will kill himself within the next 5 to 10 years. I have no clue what to do, if anyone has any reccomendations please help. Thanks.",5.81909090909091,5.959356324324325,6.0220638820638825,81.8423832923833,66.83783783783784,8.889434889434893,31.41277641277641,8.575989854853784,2.2952162162162155,740,27,146,10,11,236,104,185,0.264,0.601,0.135,-0.9916,1,0,0,0,0,3,15.0,0,0,2,1,9,9,2,2,3,0,18,0,0,6,5,36,34,13,7,7,5,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,2,19,4,21,24,2,14,0,1,0,0,29,2,0,3,12,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126927287706944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853009659912046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714464452457838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976381575399872,0.0,0.11765141628440108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713280935781688,0.0,0.07487425046102465,0.0,0.0,0.10832184192073167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845348713363794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039354938594415,0.0,0.0,0.11259362143707034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508355713408208,0.0,0.0,0.09240481294378304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453092449516392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405617069083016,0.17486286871207768,0.0,0.12056131996372448,0.1063821578362903,0.11107027353803556,0.0,0.0,0.11895390240000085,0.0,0.0,0.08621658526349027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571812836588417,0.0,0.0,0.12443696636451368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262232706671969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566563274724404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032001193687222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377386542453102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185101305377929,0.0,0.495996650329822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223147817524285,0.0,0.10436810669305846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263751925277638,0.0,0.17999285422448688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696506746857393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372718683548132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927651197865113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052880963756262,0.0,0.0,0.14600227384796355
suicidewatch,Upgrade30,2019/04/10,Extremely contradicting I’ve been told I was extremely handsome since middle school but now it seems no one is impressed by my looks and I’ve only had one girlfriend my entire life. I’ve been flirted with a few times but now I get nothing. Since I was diagnosed with depression I have gained some weight and now my confidence is lower that ever. I feel like girls is the only thing that’s keeping me alive and if they lose interest in me I’ll have nothing left to live for.,2.882754137115839,5.19853335106383,3.7982269503546138,86.43388888888893,77.19148936170212,7.1565011820330975,25.33806146572104,8.167268648758528,1.66971536643026,381,14,74,7,9,122,64,94,0.154,0.624,0.222,0.8625,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,2,4,7,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,0,1,13,16,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,3,11,5,6,10,2,8,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,3,6,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339232248800313,0.20433049675376544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821009513797064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017909175223352,0.1438194828417581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517878336905667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893803009843226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187293466034542,0.0,0.14219474463422282,0.0983523447117502,0.0,0.17776484144071766,0.0,0.16905390529979974,0.2252200009796473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38633436176635255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728325206992965,0.30621827229173426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037415370690299,0.0,0.1832696235695912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33305971198765866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337447468175037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173884008333729,0.0,0.0,0.1923651185154929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24514744670244226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Starfire_Cat,2019/04/10,I’m not good at anything 28...Failing at life...I think I’m going to try tonight.Failed at everything.,-1.0864285714285735,0.6829630952380974,1.0670238095238105,96.76339285714286,108.5238095238095,4.0047619047619065,24.29761904761905,5.985473137389443,0.7475619047619051,79,4,17,1,4,26,16,21,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41767280365200415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456155833803781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845401879006066,0.4257113053527986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584996347754624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252194145583877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445951133940976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,annoying_comment_bot,2019/04/10,Fantasise about going to prison Anyone else wish they were locked up in prison? Seems like it'd be back to the simplicity of being a teenager without the bullshit of modern life.,7.515454545454546,8.241736454545453,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,63.24242424242425,9.024242424242424,31.65151515151515,8.841846274778883,2.6434969696969692,145,5,24,2,2,45,29,33,0.161,0.636,0.202,0.171,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,8,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648722261870925,0.3881348287985504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291280920669825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164465096821603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152860189869921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675641667356077,0.1850670587509124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448537021848859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43561192761783146,0.3651585865230135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bandenman,2019/04/10,I can’t go on further all my friends betray me I am a cunt because I want my last pen back I am a moron for liking someone I am an idiot for daring to talk nobody takes my depression seriously and makes of something that happend in china my problem out of it and that I am all the wrong in this world.,3.868384615384617,3.817281646153848,5.8151923076923095,82.3135576923077,71.0,7.730769230769233,30.09615384615385,7.1686216300943375,1.7178461538461534,237,9,50,2,4,83,47,65,0.319,0.5589999999999999,0.122,-0.9477,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,4,0,5,0,0,1,2,8,9,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,0,11,2,9,9,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,3,38,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569688173148996,0.0,0.20371700993160585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878343729112431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25819168795910785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992590917490665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27240662931151405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632666605894025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230721071166267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31977138112213577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831551666332075,0.2572731215235316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512666842961165,0.26860647807583965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711187682034811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653805145465104,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KimHyorin,2019/04/10,"I think I’m going to kill myself today I can’t take living with the absolute hell that is depression and bulimia anymore. It’s not getting better, it’s getting worse, I don’t see a way out . I need help",1.4705813953488374,3.3254062325581444,4.24436046511628,83.77956395348839,79.69767441860466,7.090697674418602,24.703488372093023,8.07648339933343,1.6486790697674418,160,6,32,3,4,57,35,43,0.384,0.56,0.056,-0.9502,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,11,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,11,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,18,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976257151654625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654204429104928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584819037462145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135872657894121,0.0,0.17055784574206734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115553961743834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33202416781006605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650001682624664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225256966046738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391465946195023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225643276193725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229658499209734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844665483439262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382111377054055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058348900365466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheKillerTofu,2019/04/10,"Any straight edgers here dealing with lifelong depression/anxiety? Since it is an uncommon term; straight edge is living without imbibing alcohol or doing drugs. I see many people here using these things as an escape, I'm wondering if there's people like me who don't and what their personal coping methods are. 

I used to play videogames, but I've mostly cast that aside and started meditating, using Sam Harris' app to help me. It's still early days yet, but I'm not so reliant on sleeping the day away to escape.

I've got good reasons not to partake in drugs and alcohol, my family has a pattern of addiction and I'm deathly afraid of losing what little cognitive ability I have. Anyone want to share their straight edge story?",7.4338235294117645,7.8804765,7.525294117647058,71.3888235294118,63.411764705882355,10.623529411764707,36.852941176470594,10.411451182825502,4.083723529411763,588,27,96,13,8,190,100,136,0.039,0.7759999999999999,0.185,0.9376,0,0,5,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,7,6,1,4,0,19,18,10,1,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,8,4,13,17,2,14,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,4,8,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722055579300075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376338569876991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742186101870728,0.0,0.12084306730499825,0.0,0.0,0.11045305192708192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841365473151133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037491768815872,0.16285534894753756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663793316372576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489156819578091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249384855758,0.12633932804449846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058808504060624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717389529458703,0.15832278875948827,0.13948630610293747,0.0,0.0,0.17672283080581772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015208043579168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902658054687335,0.13792925851674878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16241469819941814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587793932089986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067057737724716,0.0,0.15807943974568173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180869418063473,0.0,0.12615133979153784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494516543907016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092940554385799,0.0,0.0,0.09317206151052047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227296911967325,0.17130669354141262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RonSchuten78,2019/04/10,"this weekend is it Spiraling into crazy. 

I dated a woman for six months who lives 2000 miles away from me, I've been actively making plans to find a job in her city, with her support. We have plane tickets booked so that I can go out there for a couple of business meetings two weeks from today. Then all of a sudden, after a tense conversation, this 39-year-old woman (who does have problems of her own) just lopped off communication. Not even a goodbye. Just ghosted for days. Well, this was Sunday night. So it has been two days. And counting. No communication even following a very warm, very supportive email to her.

I'm freaking out here. Emotionally I'm a basket case. Nightmares about her every single night. Barely able to drag myself through work. Something is going to happen this weekend, I feel it. I feel that if I stay here in my state i'll take my life. I have a suicide note written and the means to do it. As an alternative, I want to fly out to see her. It will cost $700 that I cannot afford. She lives with her mom, who is lovely. Do I just show up at the house and knock on the door? She has a rottweiler as well, although I get along with him.

Because I feel that if I stay here, it will be the last weekend I ever have.",2.307514025245439,4.358182395161291,3.507959326788217,89.11726507713888,77.87096774193549,5.9259467040673215,22.879382889200567,6.8959733430537185,0.6399489481065928,966,30,200,10,23,313,148,248,0.077,0.843,0.08,-0.0993,2,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,1,0,0,2,15,8,0,0,15,0,19,2,0,1,2,28,38,11,2,4,6,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,17,12,0,0,5,6,1,3,3,2,2,3,4,5,28,6,35,31,3,35,0,0,1,1,21,12,0,2,17,143,45,3,0.1315151978418858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356285758802996,0.0,0.0,0.08017044392447989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551906495300518,0.0,0.16963284525431566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508983589671287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793689611043107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737290956503883,0.11896302583515785,0.11080722638576056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949410685522875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020250822878548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871126278277072,0.0,0.1494862354049346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162984551159688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175088074107265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305085407301392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072024393407666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928930736021946,0.0,0.0,0.23226065832901016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869760074844475,0.0,0.08778741579170657,0.0,0.0,0.14325860545119876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402901021447998,0.10497417618921744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683620818155785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380030768975386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584228281925286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480058534991807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124682454991306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035540449114776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385628065865685,0.2984837759707336,0.0,0.0,0.0988830615087804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466102988565432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569424767717278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702762321059432,0.07757107112842525,0.0,0.10549355883431684,0.0,0.2364959144003325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574463036733943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469147551503893
suicidewatch,Thisusernamewasfree1,2019/04/10,"Suicide Methods- 'Darvon Cocktail?' I'm 23 years old.and from Australia. I don't think I want to share much about my thoughts, but I have been in the process of considering suicide for afew months now.

I was wondering if anyone knew of a Davron cocktail 'recipe' I would be able to go about mixing up in Australia? 

Please don't reply with messages compelling me to seek help and all. I do appreciate the well wishes if so, and it is good hearted of you to do- but this is my life after all, and if I choose to end it I just want it to be as peaceful as possible.so I can go out doing something I still gain abit of enjoyment out of.

Thanks in advance everyone",2.688562340966918,4.783893015267179,3.710248091603052,87.90572837150131,76.86259541984735,6.504071246819338,27.71055979643765,7.492282038375204,1.5414117048346048,519,22,105,7,12,167,87,131,0.075,0.6629999999999999,0.261,0.9824,0,0,2,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,0,2,7,5,0,0,3,0,14,2,1,1,2,24,25,11,2,7,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,5,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,0,14,5,25,18,3,15,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,4,6,76,18,0,0.2018640039144986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114800510889033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879159105753425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928897064321436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22944793076481054,0.16931394911068545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23920981657596505,0.13530518671330824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258251579264272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611259220296178,0.0,0.14839326964713634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182231492781312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158605767544387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540477239631198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120885428448267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416129128576753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858492535202147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934630279717985,0.0,0.16025747068006638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812923924953666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149998241141327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213364220929975,0.0,0.21891290130338026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339839661964365,0.0,0.0,0.12999380014959447
suicidewatch,medorpse666,2019/04/10,"I don't want to be alone. It's the thing that I'm the most afraid, the fact that I won't have anyone... It's starting to happen and it's going on for the past 3 years. It's too much for me right now and I feel overwhelmed.

I just don't want to be alone.

I want to kill myself right now but I can't because I made a promise..",-1.8383040935672528,-0.11767863157894533,0.7454385964912298,104.75862573099415,91.89473684210527,3.3777777777777787,13.707602339181287,3.1291,-1.7062467836257311,248,4,68,0,9,84,44,76,0.15,0.8320000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.6228,0,2,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,2,5,0,7,0,0,1,1,11,16,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,9,1,7,12,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953256363540433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167202728398871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576922484130422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209094852299446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590103529892242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145867258094966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26455791554666586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262671673772424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757854072531116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282731922535898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40842525255259227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692548861217419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886494476646565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231288123769827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398955191170985
suicidewatch,Cobaltcrusher1,2019/04/10,Best method for a swed to go.. Ny life ain't a complete misery but i feel that i have nothing to do in this world.. i feeling like a waste of space .. my plan is to get my hunting exam(im a swede) and then save for a shotgun... guess there are Always a saving grace and for me it's my brother and the girl im seeing with a pre-started family but they will move on quite fast im sure...,-0.8571428571428577,1.1163828095238095,1.5931428571428583,98.60185714285713,89.95238095238096,4.312380952380953,17.923809523809524,5.6839178017228535,-0.5384961904761898,292,8,71,2,10,99,64,84,0.044,0.747,0.209,0.9169,0,0,1,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,1,6,0,0,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,12,6,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,6,10,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,3,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139494611472555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161671934215493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596999889433632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418310787613927,0.0,0.208303103823688,0.14715480219383226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761798579606313,0.0,0.11706528818554254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269142772340197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6674932550518938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549238466303302,0.10063323511795406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189280832203664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764692329258368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908902855504067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414234652131351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579632875548826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941372071272241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cascavalnr1,2019/04/10,What are the chances of survival if you hang yourself? I'm at the moment where I've tried lots of things and failed and came to the conclusion that I actually don't care about myself so... I just want to end it.,3.672878787878787,4.364955681818183,4.343636363636366,90.0437878787879,71.72727272727272,7.684848484848485,26.03030303030303,7.793537801064563,1.1065848484848488,166,5,38,2,3,53,36,44,0.135,0.795,0.07,-0.5897,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,6,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.3964993249690061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647096663057455,0.4142594720778075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35986949435093724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454296884940837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269933884919979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758573848984407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396517879057515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nba10000,2019/04/10,"I didn't ask to be born Going through alot. I hate working. Random thoughts. Made a few mistakes in life that came back to bite me. Crazy how important high school is. I was just trying to fit in and be popular little did I know what was in store for me. 
40 hours a week of work forever. I'll never have kids. Their just stress. I see how I feel why would I bring anyone into this. Working to barely make it is not fun. And shit I'm technically lucky just for being able to get a job versus being in a 3rd world country.
Should be illegal for poor people to have kids. Imo. I grew up poor. People have kids for selfish reasons. Then you turn 18 and it's all on you. If it was up to me I would have never been born. Work forever deal with everyone I know dying eventually....I'll pass. I'm only alive because I love my mom. I'm going to succeed for my love of her . I don't know can't explain everything. Just my love of her and making sure she's taken care of and my fear of hell won't let me leave. Not even he'll I guess. I think god will understand, my head hurts and I'm sick. I love my mom too much to go and I don't blame her for having me she had a shitty childhood and she inspires me. I don't know I'm rambling getting things off my chest I can never say. 
Chime in with your thoughts .",-0.5961712795828333,1.5595897509025285,1.638992178098679,97.01647462896112,91.92418772563177,4.5218210990774175,17.0807260328921,6.139981653823899,-0.4113047733654236,999,26,232,10,36,334,154,277,0.149,0.688,0.163,0.3195,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,1,5,9,19,3,2,6,0,30,9,3,6,5,50,67,12,1,5,8,2,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,3,7,12,0,0,12,0,3,7,11,8,0,0,12,3,41,11,33,43,4,31,1,1,1,4,24,14,2,5,10,144,48,7,0.1080183755125118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755289597106767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009825996953449,0.0,0.0,0.0830594631927178,0.0,0.0658469991221135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354424516273403,0.11013193288235383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136220208244747,0.0,0.0,0.11210601987986027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713451182804518,0.0,0.0,0.10321618682799223,0.09707995084558496,0.0,0.0,0.12155070334755973,0.05461733624816142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287028582250094,0.0,0.18416799626460295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899441872636755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664578270524977,0.11085801657792692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412734434931605,0.0,0.0,0.1063763412350438,0.0,0.11563590507532492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071915701873986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374562970284375,0.0,0.0,0.11437586304558214,0.0,0.1104561074303921,0.07629657310736683,0.0,0.1082627897089859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899632048759684,0.1022095986849942,0.14420620886206764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530196317717016,0.0,0.0,0.07940593475527767,0.0,0.2499312909506133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215284207168533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977268159700308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106088046189902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590054774768073,0.0,0.10932036284450188,0.08607666009724926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108793101978273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237346841935872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018060405755775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717626089454787,0.06921381343757901,0.0,0.17150904877460854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333738646060584,0.11749297430024867,0.0,0.11245093838114084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664582526816733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974697827165044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145546554630074,0.0,0.0,0.1534663095309807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayami1,2019/04/10,"Im to scared to take my own life because of other people. Constantly abusing drugs I use to self harm, i stopped for 3 years and last night i cut myself again. For years i've been fighting a battle in my head where I wanted to commit suicide. Then I got in to drugs, forget about everything, makes me happier. I can't imagine the pain my mother would go through, after she has recently lost her mother and sister and if I went I think that would top it all off and totally destroy her. 

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Stayed clean for a few months but I can't stay clean for long, I keep relapsing. Everyone around me doesn't understand why I keep relapsing. Its because I want to kill myself. I feel a burden on everyone, a pain, a waste of a human. I speak to people but no one believes me that I want to kill myself. If I lived in the US I would have put a gun to my head a  long time ago. I don't know what to do. Been to rehab 2 times, been to every doctor, public/private, psychiatrist about and I really want to help myself but I feel I can't. I'm just a very depressed person, I put others way before me, because i don't feel as important, I just feel useless..",3.031615312791782,4.245643739495797,4.58935574229692,85.70940242763773,73.78991596638657,7.473762838468722,24.986928104575163,7.984000788550335,1.3492849673202616,902,28,187,13,18,303,131,238,0.225,0.675,0.101,-0.9849,0,0,2,1,2,5,37.0,1,0,0,2,7,14,6,1,11,0,15,9,2,2,3,37,36,12,3,9,7,3,4,0,0,3,7,1,2,3,7,6,0,3,8,0,0,4,7,14,0,1,6,5,40,0,30,27,4,31,0,3,0,0,13,8,0,2,16,124,47,1,0.0,0.1141163951279237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853765905274429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087124572161395,0.2340642159902684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573992070901022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613644547206508,0.0,0.08195615928654262,0.10851294796827668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040812675409403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295514669473464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858150726285726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338743136253805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114873775091551,0.1840643968132652,0.08656085418478163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479710229594946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473749190335082,0.0,0.07703114104665716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769199561049114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455727482495953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403569725990612,0.0,0.0,0.17121669890671565,0.21311444358537296,0.0,0.05293168085506802,0.07850880235948418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680294590388708,0.0,0.0,0.08504706717854403,0.17046979977831692,0.0,0.0,0.10513815864935312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429037359992283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687695263250348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038420768435397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526489020086318,0.0,0.204969871191369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354406486261128,0.08409770996662495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364443670835915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170124413363155,0.0,0.09509850101797668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964271621733215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047655529733153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531591610190844,0.0,0.08052285511863007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535193392848606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241617616569848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171415169000807,0.0,0.0,0.11232298952644253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026631858965837,0.11585393850968558,0.08318441191155414,0.0,0.07946917477795569,0.22723407898122844,0.07644960666984775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928408557682818,0.0869084458290019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525620469334926,0.0,0.2340642159902684,0.12404617569583258
suicidewatch,sunellerae,2019/04/10,"My call out for help Hello users of Reddit. My name is Elle(L) and I’m new to this site. I’ve never used it before but I always saw and appreciated this community. I’m making this post as a call out for help. Also, excuse my poor grammar and possible spelling errors. It’s 4am and I’m typing this in a rush 
I want to kill myself. I just want to end my life and stop living on this planet. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t take the constant numbness and pain that controls my every being. 
I’m 16 years old, yes younger than the age requirement but I’m desperate. I’ve been clinically diagnosed with, Anxiety-Social Anxiety-Separation Anxiety-Depression-Panic Disorder. I don’t go to therapy and I’m not medicated. I will be starting therapy soon and I will possibly start medication. 
For as long as I remember I’ve lived my life in a constant state of fear or sadness. I used to not understand why, I have loving parents and siblings, food on my table and a roof over my head. I had friends that loved me and I always got all A’s without studying. But I always had anxiety and I was always scared and panicked. I would get panic/anxiety attacks almost everyday and I was miserable. When I started highschool I couldn’t handle it and became homeschooled. Sophomore year of homeschool(current year)  my anxiety and depression was horrible. I just couldn’t do it. I was so ducking tired of trying to live a life I couldn’t stand. My parents are understanding and I talked my mom into letting me drop out. I want to travel the world, even if I live my life paycheck to paycheck so my mom didn’t mind. I promised I’d get my GED when I turned 18 or when I got done traveling. Oh god do I regret it. I never hang out with anymore and I don’t have any friends anymore because I pushed them all away as I was scared. Now I’m so alone and I see my friends out having fun and I wish I was there but it’s my fault I’m not. I started working as a janitor as our local movie theatre since my mom is the manager and they neeeded one. But I hate it. I feel so much pressure on my shoulders and they all expect so much from me since my mom talked about me so often. One of my coworkers always seems to twists my words and the other day he twisted my words and told other coworkers that I wanted to take my shirt off for him when I didn’t say that. My mom thought it was funny and didn’t even offer to help. 
I’ve wanted to kill myself for a long time now. However now that I have my job and reality is creeping closer and smacking me around I really want to do it. If I’m being honest I’m so ducking scared. I don’t know what comes after death and I still have a small flame of hope that wants to live. I just don’t know how. How can I keep going on? How can I keep living when I feel so miserable and alone.  When everyday I don’t see a point in moving or breathing. What do I do? It will take me some time to actually go to therapy and even then what if I doesn’t work? Reddit, I’m so scared and tired of this life. What do I do? I just think I’m going to climb that hurdle and kill myself",0.8306594708437558,3.0726895171339588,3.1184103374138914,88.81038370409374,84.51401869158879,6.171418542407091,22.12636567065947,7.470278962992933,0.9770517046202444,2418,84,509,41,71,826,261,642,0.198,0.6970000000000001,0.106,-0.9972,5,2,0,0,0,4,61.0,1,0,3,5,36,28,5,8,15,1,52,20,4,7,5,110,112,69,4,18,19,7,2,0,3,4,13,1,0,0,30,42,1,5,11,2,1,12,20,19,0,2,19,6,93,9,60,82,6,75,0,5,3,2,31,23,0,11,36,340,123,7,0.0,0.0,0.05493991094036309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637552973464392,0.11661801208861206,0.0,0.04502246055100267,0.23422727758751974,0.0,0.0,0.0382853956393292,0.0,0.1292062322743481,0.0,0.16750107468818065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011823598043418,0.0,0.06404848276889269,0.05289496417014401,0.0,0.0,0.034319477888966436,0.0,0.04790648390162727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497558285657553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048496787201442765,0.0,0.1216788978721641,0.06314435495673662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630833507315969,0.0,0.04849042993576429,0.05714251642983735,0.0,0.0,0.06452377599888025,0.0,0.0,0.05761364189488542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04986439250896451,0.0,0.0,0.1115552982803753,0.0,0.047434515386568996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335226709707344,0.0569331477125288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807723221902326,0.0,0.13048989766248448,0.0,0.058828030589867075,0.0,0.12798456138068015,0.0,0.09005524784472456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558381749055572,0.057779235188914424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320852785408697,0.0,0.0,0.05591782197725547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586828210816031,0.10008265518136822,0.18686021434578168,0.0,0.09282172586578616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575697600072647,0.1988289966643921,0.0,0.0,0.2982794208614319,0.09964606430909867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162447617720473,0.0,0.03758016206110864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343106888286585,0.0,0.0,0.05684615635072165,0.32968479102440784,0.0,0.05983715399150232,0.08277279932021278,0.0,0.08684284809632084,0.05437413104626754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059076553831432926,0.0,0.07629960796033833,0.0,0.059906332361284134,0.06605499648690316,0.12502722765649468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322095410054579,0.12693780781026567,0.053919083819806285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03606671767601434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377603381489944,0.0,0.0,0.04477139411637336,0.2254613360386866,0.0,0.08972636786333195,0.051252689355205036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931425820752866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939549183110502,0.0,0.04496062448135568,0.04706866324673095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699000567742885,0.09050235017931832,0.0,0.0,0.1931491708667252,0.0,0.0,0.03607426263233176,0.0,0.04469528669227621,0.0656570480653885,0.1294153275230998,0.0,0.053796310976259566,0.0,0.03822347026630245,0.06123737736519134,0.0,0.11721893312732698,0.0,0.0972488883031774,0.0,0.0,0.2324471427458038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508012832381004,0.0,0.06474131686615625,0.054270432597577085,0.0,0.0819729956335149,0.0,0.0,0.039993345838603186,0.0,0.0,0.10876454260601168
suicidewatch,goodgrief15,2019/04/10,"Done with the rat race Pretty much thinking about taking a shitload of drugs and jumping off the bridge tomorrow. Or just telling a hospital and being admitted while I try to figure things out. Although I'd rather not do that because they'll be another bill to add to my ever-increasing debt. I'm flat broke, I live in a van, haven't gotten a good night's rest for 2 months, ration cup noodle, lost a job because for a while I had no means of transportation, my family either can't or won't help (that's reserved for my siblings - who have literally been spoon-fed two Harley Davidson motorcycles, $60k in student loans, a new car, wedding and quarter million dollar house). I'm picking up gigs here and there but it's kind of at the point where I don't see the point in going on. Get to wake up tomorrow to be hungry and poor for the four thousandth day in a row. All the while living in the richest country in the world where I'm bombarded by the assertion that I just don't try hard enough. I can understand the ethical dilemmas around euthanasia because doctors probably feel uncomfortable killing a 26 year old man but I'm starting to wonder why I shouldn't be allowed to have autonomy over my own life and whether or not I want to keep going.",8.827960986382037,6.638998502024293,8.645815237394185,73.07035701140967,61.955465587044536,11.896797938903205,39.458594037541395,10.436869588844218,3.953084210526315,998,42,192,18,11,324,160,247,0.1,0.835,0.065,-0.8088,3,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,9,5,1,0,19,0,18,4,1,2,1,35,38,16,1,3,12,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,6,10,0,1,7,0,5,5,9,3,0,4,5,3,13,2,32,26,6,36,0,2,1,0,7,19,0,4,12,123,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316576807823482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003211150170207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671263715634644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420222763860653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950750407053515,0.0,0.14947899422915753,0.0,0.0,0.1693933184379527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509280138860113,0.0,0.0,0.13212750188207864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770057072574696,0.0,0.07385672367228321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631486706828093,0.0,0.16602841690643302,0.122515495508381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084886452321093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979067707185668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685436684210291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449506461347308,0.1298325721500916,0.1616033748442938,0.15210807355537914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317264268490643,0.0,0.0,0.2579626766809229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594512410966067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591116359767574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659064288789635,0.0,0.10737730149476696,0.0,0.0,0.141074060822425,0.0,0.1370755801313662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327452941368755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761642704476202,0.0,0.0,0.14860438070434653,0.15748676400675907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639784244603454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033881777819474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982548404334423,0.0,0.12767048217498655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704155389062497,0.09359492506440788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983421184093629,0.0,0.1426878954402369,0.15206266825186746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615510386158011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180428235792413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840527444568536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406345385006384
suicidewatch,CaitlinNoGoYea,2019/04/10,"Suicidal but yet fear death But when I was a teenager, I attempted to kill myself multiple times without fear.

Since I'm older, I have a fear of dying but yet I want it.",0.7084285714285734,2.993230628571432,3.3310714285714305,86.76517857142859,85.57142857142857,6.928571428571428,23.035714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.5768571428571434,132,5,27,3,4,46,25,35,0.551,0.42,0.029,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,4,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502802937631952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8140975597979141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26680172013264225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948549135208085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26378387798160235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061912609921506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223917000881658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232464328804347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jesuschristreddit210,2019/04/10,"Anyone from India here? Just wondering how many fellow Indians are suicidal, and why.",5.283571428571432,8.951707357142855,6.52571428571429,60.744285714285716,82.57142857142857,11.371428571428574,28.42857142857143,10.125756701596842,5.352542857142859,69,3,8,3,2,23,14,14,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32240606910632696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467474658342544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043595309448342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160635817394133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000343287277439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,existence777,2019/04/10,"Afterlife I would do it, but im afraid of what comes afterwards.

​

Just.. *emptiness?*",1.9537500000000032,2.147481875000004,1.8830000000000033,87.26200000000004,136.5,6.28,28.2,6.742157984588678,2.86879,74,4,12,2,5,22,15,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236695200717519,0.4751315536085763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368287198932239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223682143015477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777690700851819,0.0,0.4751315536085763,0.0
suicidewatch,nolongercaring,2019/04/10,"Why I’m thinking about killing myself I’m a 5’5” male. I was born this way. I’ve come to only want out of life a girlfriend, to get married, and to have a family of my own. But I’m also not stupid. I know that women will never date me or give me a chance largely because I’m short. I’ve seen the Tweets bashing short men and the empirical studies to show that they pretty much represent all women with that mindset, whether women care to be open about admitting that or not. 

What’s worse is that I have other bad qualities that practically makes any shred of possibility an impossibility at that point. What’s the fucking point of living anymore if I’ll never truly be happy?",5.7777222222222235,5.8781707999999995,6.811990740740742,76.28020833333336,66.92592592592592,9.120370370370368,30.949074074074076,8.841846274778883,2.399462962962964,538,19,104,8,8,181,90,135,0.097,0.794,0.109,-0.0706,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,3,0,8,0,7,2,0,1,3,21,22,8,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,11,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,8,2,14,17,3,13,0,0,1,1,9,7,1,3,4,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603388120720352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363460544224123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988409267108497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674081170518716,0.1222222030583091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044218816864903,0.0,0.0,0.17271195652180854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901241780790007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535790304284824,0.1047523438954579,0.19233671159147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343469307316212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22182220773849784,0.0,0.11018889296329827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161822672720764,0.0,0.0,0.1770441072490855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383450101592756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738968231029204,0.0,0.3092740585544517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248836665862076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790723320487993,0.22603226325524586,0.0,0.20397935277781928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847153056617805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825938267025053,0.15914660918279816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091897480602293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20432539883715886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Derp4Perd,2019/04/10,"I've done a complete 180 I thought I had figured how to not be suicidal in my early twenties, I thought I could hold on no matter what. Until today. I've told close family how much trouble I'm in they just look at me or complain about what I say. The only friend I have left doesn't know how to help me. I keep going to doctors and professionals for help but there's this issue or that or I'm not eligible for help yet or something. There's always a reason why they can't help me.

People always complain that the person who takes their own life didn't try everything first well I have tried and am literally being rejected. I don't know what else to do.

I physically felt my brain pop before. It had a slight fizzle and then split just like a water balloon does. It's weird that such an abnormal feeling is so easy to describe, that's literally how it felt. 

My friend tried and failed to take their life by trying to scull pain killers mixed together, my ex boyfriend successfully hung himself, I want to take some sleeping pills and walk into the ocean.",3.1818220115850444,5.0831002654028445,4.19304107424961,85.8791245392312,74.78199052132702,6.963770405476566,24.992364402317016,7.793537801064563,1.3029650342285422,840,28,168,12,18,272,131,211,0.131,0.706,0.163,0.5162,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,3,13,12,0,0,8,0,15,8,2,5,0,35,32,17,1,2,9,1,3,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,12,7,1,2,9,0,0,2,7,7,1,1,9,5,23,5,18,20,3,15,0,2,1,0,18,7,0,5,7,106,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21440453125094866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096303484654086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438241115944025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508258973462736,0.0,0.0,0.10286543941785208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318695884184371,0.11274566491017758,0.1318444419813287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762634046807257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578991366057413,0.0,0.12145555970234947,0.0,0.06514359137453939,0.0,0.24740643486184175,0.0,0.0,0.1095882373149906,0.0,0.0,0.1990774774361006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732207361072884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454254858523899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344718040605382,0.0,0.11451577604199872,0.0,0.0,0.1416103113546892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998120385965582,0.0,0.18200202072107785,0.06294299246516027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819018823269556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470963107588894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798594259263407,0.13709108991463848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931898769919051,0.11249503794521816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246535095804976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102455933696554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892951621566126,0.0,0.0,0.0991846105695079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092618942407084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906069792687884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456353527832755,0.0,0.0,0.12212191105615301,0.12310877021555927,0.0,0.3498860299125047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599108925672536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583946101693712,0.0,0.1162548767995409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adepressythrowaway,2019/04/10,"There’s nothing & there’s no one Doing this on a throwaway cause some acquaintances know my main account and that would be a zoinks conversation.
I have nobody.
The only people I can talk to about it aren’t comfortable with it at all. And it fucking sucks, because obviously I can’t even be mad at them for it.
And yet somehow all I fucking do is talk anyway. Look how long this post is already! People get sick of me easy, and you can always FEEL it. Their lives will genuinely be better when I’m gone. I know that’s not true when most people say it, but most people aren’t as fucking useless/annoying/etc as me. My future’s a black hole anyway, so I don’t know what’s holding me back.
Tonight’s the closest I’ve been since, like, high school. Maybe I’ll actually commit to something for once in my fucking life.",2.1666136363636355,4.350633975757583,3.3785416666666706,89.20781250000003,78.93939393939394,5.821969696969697,23.645833333333336,6.9077264865688965,0.8033106060606068,646,22,131,7,16,209,108,165,0.051,0.858,0.091,0.7205,2,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,2,1,13,10,6,0,5,0,17,6,0,2,5,24,30,11,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,11,5,0,1,4,0,1,1,6,6,0,1,2,4,15,4,13,23,6,15,0,0,2,4,7,6,5,4,8,87,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.14042643957760012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879813002475054,0.0,0.11973700750725035,0.15591647524050198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106508459065321,0.0,0.08772060248406872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272685787766586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782577849811954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048744956437894,0.09504513255421226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276057687729454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321359466035858,0.07518223766384016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520391140021848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725237729142626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016414027924982,0.07030267053925758,0.0,0.1270670579120121,0.12734769486645645,0.12084044404329056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456771239269015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807671506386252,0.0,0.0,0.15324967383008647,0.09751091787050334,0.1094430558474246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990508311845451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378172049517986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443570553859135,0.0,0.14563530943471956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903624296092145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078187938541832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132405188793084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222301177384398,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bnasage,2019/04/10,"Stereotypes exist for a reason, right? I am days away from turning 29 and I live in my parents basement. No local friends. Best friends of days past have new friends in new cities. Dad is chronically ill. Brother hates me. I don't make enough money to change anything about my life. What's the fucking point? Like, for real though. No matter how much I fight the current, nothing I do changes things.",1.7610909090909104,4.555102466666671,1.7010909090909117,95.01054545454548,91.0,3.260606060606061,25.484848484848484,4.851557810540192,0.37166666666666703,315,14,59,1,11,93,61,75,0.147,0.648,0.205,0.7217,3,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,3,0,3,0,5,4,0,3,0,6,9,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,9,9,3,12,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,7,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339199344306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371257257684546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18286346477824134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36866445221504507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475224377462305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004568798236478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038727916120349,0.16109029542287098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203470874372956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230771475412913,0.08512920834211098,0.0,0.15386496648616485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631249033630098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809298700449526,0.0,0.0,0.3365813368010357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719651406843947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348277669643366,0.0,0.1663402867492355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472152779550395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983333902074391,0.0,0.17915688495523066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880760406976512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157632230310206,0.0,0.17119865441993734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953276070037015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,samalexander97,2019/04/10,"a very rambled question I've posted on here before and I'm still struggling with all of those thoughts of wanting to just flip the light off but now those thoughts have been pushed aside because I found someone that I want to be there for for as long as I can be 
but I don't know how I'm just looking for anyting that can help me understand and how to help my partner they deal with episodes of highs and lows and hallucinations and trauma all I've dealt with is the thoughts and attempts of suicide but they've been through so much I just don't even know what the point of this post is while I'm typing it I just want to know how to be there for them if anyone on here can give me some words of wisdom id appreciate it 
this subreddit has helped me and I'm hoping that it can help me understand what they're going through how to comfort someone when they're going through an episode I don't know how to comfort someone during that cuz I never had someone to help me with it so if anyone on here deals with those problems of highs lows hallucinations and trauma and can help me understand how to comfort someone during those I'd appreciate it",7.8189777604369874,6.094656914163089,7.2563168162309815,80.7654974639095,63.54935622317596,9.84611783066719,36.203277409285995,8.00094639256281,2.584668669527897,923,35,192,8,11,288,102,233,0.091,0.732,0.177,0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,2,1,22,11,0,1,5,0,18,0,0,7,3,52,41,27,1,7,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,17,14,0,0,12,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,7,2,17,5,34,31,4,20,0,2,1,0,13,9,0,5,6,133,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985935519517787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532453821538914,0.0,0.09118637959824223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095720450961776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077903272326436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749684214934147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027988904813404,0.1218044807957281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43096779199486623,0.2264436091777504,0.0,0.106435357510171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355722076408131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948343846755542,0.08998850875772492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877589090780329,0.0,0.08264940637434899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130207287093657,0.0,0.2052618202946549,0.0,0.0,0.1025388985108008,0.0,0.0,0.12004518904738905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539871390667343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557915833166921,0.0,0.0,0.11202826546810128,0.0,0.11721707705975062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552223235758526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346761000305745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841930125502619,0.1896195462673569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lush_Panini,2019/04/10,"I wish I could erase my existence I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was fifteen, given anti-depressants after my first break up, and then diagnosed with bpd a few months ago. I feel like my life has somehow gotten significantly harder since I came out to everyone because it feels like friends I've known for years have started treating me differently. I'm so toxic in relationships, no matter how hard I've tried to change that. My most recent relationship felt like everything was going well, but out of nowhere she broke up with me and I still haven't managed to gain enough confidence to date again. I'm way too mentally unstable, so girls have a really hard time keeping up with me. I can't properly deal with stress, since everything stessful that happens feels like it's effecting me more than I know it should, and I genuinely think that it's pushing people away because they tell me I'm being too sensitive. 

I know that my bpd brain has hurt a lot of people because I never really knew how to control my bpd, and I never really know how to explain what I'm going through with people. I should be going back to see my doctor, but I honestly feel like it's pointless because I'm giving up on everything. I tried writing again, but everything I write just seems so boring and shit, and I always wonder who would want to read something I've written. I've come to the realisation that I'm not strong enough to be here, and all I seem to do is hurt people or fuck up everything I touch. I'm self-aware of myself, but I hate that I can't control how I feel about small things. I get so angry at myself over every mistake I make, and I pick up on when people are annoyed at me for making those mistakes. Every disapproving look I see makes me desperate to go home and kill myself.

What is worse is knowing there are people in my life who feel like they can't help me, and if I killed myself it would hurt them. I wish there was a way to erase my existence from everyone I've hurt, and everyone who's hurt me. My exes have already blocked me, and maybe my friends will be able to get over it in a few months. My parents want to retire soon, so maybe they won't have such a difficult time if they're hoping I move out anyways. I'm never going to fulfil their wish of marrying a guy, so maybe it won't be so hard. But maybe there's someone out there who will feel responsible for me killing myself, and I really don't want anyone to blame themselves if I do happen to do it one day soon.

Tldr; I want to die in the most painless way, hurting as little people as I can.",7.998628304319794,6.117648858800777,8.240263539651837,74.35202651515155,63.313346228239844,11.479335912314632,35.08131850419085,10.222266870305534,3.312395293359124,2048,70,404,37,24,676,229,517,0.214,0.6729999999999999,0.113,-0.9972,2,0,1,0,0,3,44.0,0,0,5,6,33,33,7,1,9,0,38,9,2,11,4,94,97,38,4,18,11,1,12,6,2,8,6,0,1,2,23,25,0,4,20,1,0,9,12,20,1,2,10,15,68,13,60,73,9,60,0,8,3,1,24,23,2,12,30,268,91,3,0.055409964563824375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049117590339877865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114627375223401,0.0,0.04610552931681558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03874393556887327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205948569220845,0.04260684249658689,0.0,0.1351096004056409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936073195111585,0.06185584562874149,0.0,0.06337423807802588,0.0,0.0,0.058616395409418535,0.04773077813816985,0.0,0.0,0.12429397372649785,0.04424034795436173,0.0,0.0,0.03573484319166939,0.05712524042192362,0.095449042571611,0.11247989532338136,0.05750679511204958,0.0578916195594117,0.0,0.056714446652309326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145066108232108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933705699143952,0.15883978704779733,0.2489945164741253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961186007663477,0.1979244487791528,0.05320225542407234,0.0,0.0,0.0471316875517955,0.0,0.0,0.08561920234330138,0.0512256193749819,0.05789883904529825,0.05315428702029901,0.15745379892377928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486457646040503,0.09799769733914347,0.0,0.14890933386893634,0.05470586844638056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037140131255206765,0.0,0.05558071230987592,0.055034597316307526,0.0,0.0,0.3559050784903173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925092243841183,0.18390874836187152,0.0,0.12180746971406405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827539327752155,0.16242305892279274,0.055535341212947904,0.0,0.0,0.0465304148774353,0.0,0.0,0.04710757039307946,0.0,0.0,0.11095974483533713,0.0,0.22266702803918104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584021171758288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845541014589389,0.058892023294750025,0.0,0.0,0.12820674176275004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037547226009601566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152620832092012,0.0,0.0,0.2689000486435912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055424959287163414,0.0,0.14198816861127125,0.0,0.05471065529884351,0.11897913068238053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830913561014411,0.10088630137235374,0.05780467750431058,0.0,0.05687753236217907,0.09167139055594016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694868316279701,0.04265729780717169,0.0,0.0,0.03921945811179736,0.0,0.04425046927663928,0.0,0.06347192719713249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04843075132183205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681191834083802,0.03550446793619092,0.0,0.0,0.06461999186459473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523945746647473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072893088968982,0.13194555224762886,0.0,0.0,0.049820212612105216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115617404978494,0.0,0.06008974293862734,0.0,0.0,0.05646748769624424,0.07872329807318361,0.0,0.0,0.035682200492053916
suicidewatch,imleavingthisplaceee,2019/04/10,Methods Does anyone know the most successful suicide methods? Google just keeps redirecting me to the suicide hotline,8.975000000000003,13.25090094444445,6.2755555555555596,66.10000000000002,67.33333333333334,8.044444444444443,47.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,6.007022222222222,99,7,10,2,2,28,15,18,0.334,0.524,0.14300000000000002,-0.7553,0,0,2,0,0,2,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618111013657548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276673919804198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33281178221964913,0.0,0.0,0.20577767418416104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8191342343337497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,piratepetie30,2019/04/10,"Suicidal Help. I have been longing to commit suicide since I was very young. I'm about to turn 24 and I am trying to move forward from that style of thinking. Does anyone have a place I can go to for help? Mind you, I need a place I can take my dog with me. We live alone and even with his support and love i still have those intentions of suicide. And I hate that I feel this way, my dog loves the fuck out of me and so does my family. I just want to be somewhere that hopefully is a different change to help me move forward and not be such an asshole to myself.",2.437917833800185,3.5044860504201694,3.6473389355742327,92.4631839402428,75.05042016806723,6.969561157796452,24.146591970121374,7.3871296695380915,0.790293370681606,436,13,101,5,9,142,75,119,0.173,0.6459999999999999,0.181,-0.2263,1,1,0,0,0,3,10.0,1,1,0,0,6,6,2,0,5,0,11,3,0,1,1,20,25,7,3,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,2,1,20,4,16,21,0,12,0,0,0,3,8,5,1,1,5,69,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867063036485706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037088010529024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185290573758126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997528569521545,0.0,0.0,0.2512365926678897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481094854815947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532263526273822,0.0,0.07258130032816543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270620098636166,0.0,0.0,0.0815806455480368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172220974109798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886480895585108,0.0,0.0,0.14257382188390505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675397430783902,0.1270339197940885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591122016774423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449407985459272,0.0,0.0,0.3051339066351445,0.0,0.10643773026712376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29995057139043085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874294667637825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463622580295227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710489180685614,0.16289459068486392,0.0,0.0,0.1079289202755084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197864496988617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745848548516772,0.15613710663933822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844069492629633,0.08466730119154116,0.11394033681762256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsyaboiblue,2019/04/10,"A calming thought as I travel down my path I think about killing myself a lot. How to do it, where to do it, when to do it. I imagine what my funeral would be like. When I daydream I think about who would be there, and what would be said about me. I’m not sure if I’m ever going to reach the point of no return, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. 

Two years ago I came pretty close. It was my first year in college, and it was the usual suspects: loneliness, failure in classes, lack of motivation, etc. I tried therapy, that didn’t work. I would lie to the shrink about how I was feeling because I don’t like talking about it. Got on some antidepressants and I guess those helped a bit. Changed scenery, made new friends, created new opportunities.

Now I’m back. This time it’s all about stress. I became president of the soccer club here. I always have been a big dreamer. I took it upon myself to enter the club into an organized league. The to do list has been unbelievable. Add all of my regular classes, the fact that I’ve been sucking ass at practices lately, unknown plans for work in the summer, and a dwindling amount of money and energy, and you’ve got a real cluster fuck. 

There’s one thing that’s kept me going, at least for the time being. When I was in high school oh so long ago, I took a basic astronomy class. Among the things I learned was the multiverse theory. If you aren’t familiar, here’s a brief rundown. There could be an infinite amount of universes out there beyond our own. And they would all be uniquely different from each other. This means that out there right now there is a universe where everything is exactly the same and I’m typing this same thing right now, and the only difference is that there is one less atom in existence. There’s also a universe where Harry Potter is not only real, but jacking off to a vr porno featuring yours truly getting fucked in the ass by an ostrich. The possibilities are literally endless. 

And here is why this calms me down a bit: out there, somewhere, is a universe where at this very second, I am as happy as I can possibly be. A universe where everything that has happened to me has had the best possible outcome. Where every interaction I’ve ever had with anyone has been the best it could possibly be, and everything has gone right for me, and always will. A perfect version of who I am now. 

And even though it definitely isn’t this universe, it’s nice to think that somewhere out there, 

I’m doing ok. 

Goodnight everybody. See you tomorrow.",4.132586649550706,5.74412741056911,4.976953359007275,82.44098202824135,71.64227642276424,8.024475823705606,28.191270860077022,8.611707548084741,2.097909756097561,1994,75,383,35,38,647,238,492,0.093,0.7709999999999999,0.136,0.9698,2,0,0,0,0,1,63.0,1,3,1,9,43,18,4,1,35,1,54,4,2,4,9,69,84,28,2,10,6,0,1,2,1,6,0,1,0,0,35,23,0,2,11,4,1,9,8,5,0,6,22,3,37,13,55,46,20,70,0,0,1,4,12,34,5,5,29,292,72,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545252406879586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560984111102121,0.13653287073437828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736644633680363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308608322239621,0.0,0.05001271507045938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219835325063892,0.0,0.17913964250107345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383545513532393,0.0,0.0,0.08679072614432032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100948623734346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143516465445244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149974874951083,0.054188696824456435,0.14842537034266634,0.0691248541195462,0.0,0.22120515674634145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041483458807607614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978582286501829,0.0,0.0,0.06338629910087072,0.15169505636414038,0.042864135951689086,0.0,0.093253974061877,0.0,0.1312347310652356,0.0,0.09037972934347653,0.0,0.07255044645042223,0.08733641043703412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499176362210802,0.08668304449387852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076853954786847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254819554020287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016423350514099,0.0,0.0,0.07260556582921998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975011364573107,0.0,0.0776311692962469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936899267479817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584754833403262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118906194476127,0.1247949561115176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755725252639481,0.3699650929552495,0.0,0.08346733241150046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676602912317336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019308916951826,0.07804178016098061,0.0,0.0,0.08303200193226692,0.0653777322133846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859170909657017,0.09398009912996813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732465514966899,0.0,0.0,0.06594313974368997,0.0,0.0,0.0938234402429397,0.0,0.16351737945933414,0.21027963470129146,0.08060693371852326,0.06513306075241762,0.09567998813634114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230581594626533,0.05570188257576465,0.0,0.08014419186943475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035888875956444,0.06769415354787738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403114091714216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945671456176273,0.0,0.0,0.29140533789755746,0.0,0.0,0.10566613895316304
suicidewatch,MidnightMeatTrain556,2019/04/10,"I hate what happened and I cannot bare it no more. I'm 22 years old and I'm done living. I've lived 2 decades but it feels like 500. I cannot bare my past. I cannot accept what happened nor do I want to confront it. I've been smoking weed getting high daily for 2 years just to numb the fucking pain. I hate being pilled up, I hate the feelings of being overheated cooked from the inside, I hate loneliness, I hate literally everything. Idk why I dont kill myself now, I want to but I dont want to put my parents through it. I just want to die, I do not find pleasure in living at all, I dont know what to do anymore and I'm ready to die.",-0.2282978723404269,1.6519420567375924,2.1355744680851068,96.494,85.87943262411348,4.894751773049647,20.747517730496455,6.079149491110277,-0.04239801418439715,494,16,119,4,15,168,75,141,0.368,0.552,0.079,-0.9934,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,13,8,0,3,0,13,5,0,0,1,18,32,6,3,4,5,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,3,1,0,5,1,0,1,9,10,0,0,2,2,18,3,14,28,2,10,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,6,68,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542088891950578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415748319295325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119100449482674,0.4092008287842272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459774075639358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176937138498722,0.08314420122944857,0.0,0.0,0.10637216179359628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759441877160462,0.060805433010264635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058346080498611,0.0,0.0,0.5745217130316309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296527010456675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876079800460752,0.0,0.06396117834119007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685896638287403,0.0,0.3083055672894541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212461986083308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383996005850115,0.0,0.12922980149934798,0.0,0.1111009600181356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699728925098705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27458337268204897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501776088019722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989396592086646
suicidewatch,cadmanweyland,2019/04/10,"I think i just need to say this externally once to someone I have almost forgotten what the taste of gun oil is, and what the feel of steel on my wrists is like, but I'm at a point where I want to know again. Everybody says ""it's all in your head, people do love you"". But based on my observations and experience I believe they dont. I am pretty sure no one will miss me. I'm secondary to everyone I know. I'm barely remembered or embraced or preferred by anyone I know. My wife would replace me happily, and quickly. My ""friends"" prefer my wife over me. My parents wish I was more like my cousin. My job is a fucking joke. My co-workers can barely tolerate me. I'm 90% sure my ""son"" isn't actually mine. I'm just tired. I don't want to live this lie anymore. I don't even know who to I can talk to about this. If I tell my family or wife they wouldn't understand. If I talk to a shrink they will have to have me locked up. Forget talking to my ""friends"" or family.",1.4479529282977557,3.096527295566503,3.5147372742200362,89.95061713191024,79.0,7.072687465790915,23.59304871373837,7.984000788550335,1.1086740010946907,743,25,170,13,18,253,113,203,0.109,0.767,0.124,0.7317,2,0,0,1,0,1,32.0,0,2,3,0,7,10,1,0,5,0,19,6,2,0,3,34,38,11,0,10,10,6,1,2,2,4,1,2,0,0,7,3,1,0,10,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,5,37,8,20,33,2,10,0,1,0,2,21,8,1,7,4,109,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.1355089380305423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390498825806864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771344220420692,0.0970952934171716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644952608220314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627448180083194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171680928559177,0.0,0.0,0.13268825605245074,0.0,0.13583333782272772,0.26181280791873685,0.0,0.07021262187369852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456833054269905,0.1283753565728651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251211308234035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779875956270551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052589221677315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568157469692782,0.0,0.12261737980479842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532805941050312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029641529505672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788312383841545,0.0940962468802996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541894276369068,0.0,0.0,0.09626918284882688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126914200799633,0.0,0.0,0.14127221832187822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730317843867733,0.0,0.0,0.22085671298019496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765702426224035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26175092094983154,0.0,0.0,0.3348351995522901,0.12137120147869652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897693745533118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960103772798512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455987344427476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380839628802732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968404289469512,0.0,0.0,0.1010929340378584,0.0,0.0,0.09864333105235844,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,restlessandanxious,2019/04/10,"20 years on this god forsaken rock i just turned 20 years old tonight. here are some highlights from my life so far.

- 20 years of suffering through hell from my family.
- never having a teenage experience because i wasted it all away.
- never getting my drivers license.
- never getting my first kiss from a crush.
- never having a significant other (LOL).
- never having any real friends at all. (most of them stopped contacting me, the only friends i have now are on the internet).
- having multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.
- i dropped out of school and never really graduated.
- having my mother die when i was 17.

so yeah, i'm worthless and not interesting. i honestly think im cursed and i have to endure this hell on earth as long as im alive. 

i'll be waiting until next year to decide if i want to kill myself or not, my life can't be repaired and unfortunately time will not heal the wounds.


and please, don't wish me a happy birthday.. it's just a depressing reminder on how long you've been alive.",2.982301587301585,5.645421873015874,4.390738095238098,80.4146785714286,78.94708994708995,7.166243386243386,26.381216931216933,8.238735603445708,2.116891851851852,790,32,140,16,20,261,121,189,0.234,0.659,0.107,-0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,3,0,8,2,16,6,0,1,8,31,24,14,2,3,7,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,11,6,0,1,2,0,18,6,20,19,4,30,2,3,0,1,5,8,2,4,21,96,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646865770438775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946478480205605,0.0,0.0,0.0775115193827559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109517018644754,0.0,0.13196513202866972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438040306423599,0.11986888895718205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815659885736637,0.0,0.0,0.196476769734916,0.0,0.13286478448385167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535713589780748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469493697505104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067637405002076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962438331569933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505347750622934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281406988071859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5884111458731534,0.0,0.1352290606353969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342608131121075,0.0,0.0,0.09670587415500637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957622622956406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472838223266085,0.08145771026183178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286860075101861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630591803794102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147475076080822,0.0,0.0,0.07414415758596148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383063628749777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499835711245349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622011014769953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275304276534589
suicidewatch,slammingdom,2019/04/10,"Best Shows to Watch When Suicidal? Looking for something to binge watch when I want to kill myself. I've watched Sopranos, GoT, Walking Dead, Bojack, Atypical, and I just started shameless.",3.9953125000000007,7.321730406250005,3.499749999999999,81.37025000000001,88.6875,6.3100000000000005,34.525,7.554174236665415,3.4088300000000005,151,9,22,3,5,45,26,32,0.358,0.518,0.124,-0.9081,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,1,4,3,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41783408886081375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184371002765858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404942242857325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33434590561400185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065154889324106,0.0,0.0,0.2818127728845658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355117150399968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23483931372305425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Welpwhatthefuck,2019/04/10,I’m done So I’m a 15 year old and I’m quite done. I’ve tried 2 times before and it didn’t work. I’m thinking about trying again. I have no freinds. I have no will to live. Every school I go to the kids just bully me. I’m home schooled now and only leave the house once every 2 weeks. I think the only thing that has stopped me from trying again is the fact that im afraid of what happens after we die. But the past few days I haven’t really been afraid I’ve felt sad but also at peace because I’m not afraid to die anymore. I feel so trapped. I feel like I’m melting. I just can’t anymore. I don’t want to hurt my family but they don’t know what it’s like to be me. I have been hospitalized 22 times and each time it does not work. I come home worse than before doped up on new pills. I don’t want my mom to find me dead but I don’t want to live any more. I can’t do it anymore. If I do it I hope she understands why.(sorry for my rant but I’m just done),-1.1779452054794533,0.6359450319634732,1.1889570776255702,102.14086027397259,89.54794520547945,4.41724200913242,15.15269406392694,5.6839178017228535,-1.0659901004566217,738,14,196,5,25,248,114,219,0.187,0.721,0.091,-0.9695,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,1,3,10,8,0,3,6,0,22,1,0,0,1,32,44,13,3,5,11,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,10,7,0,1,8,0,0,2,12,5,0,0,7,3,26,3,16,35,3,19,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,2,16,106,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713309946373943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409468841604648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241690396853145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641934811748805,0.0,0.1854292446779903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938570511513505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026843341244142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22616091423263876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534925218088017,0.3345033875264411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836024196194292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027152290073006,0.0,0.11018415168135592,0.07783910440090755,0.10461607800001886,0.0,0.09958498229302053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192293457602638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635056509291624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858607639689084,0.10821916626747688,0.0,0.12572207513995134,0.11664102444266845,0.0,0.11769256228201586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059880072992289174,0.0,0.0,0.11537002999596715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646204918585822,0.0,0.1924225533050964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760945242195176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523162241081288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433233941396755,0.11603594989968988,0.0,0.16573384631488264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401205493606576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588948177393565,0.0,0.0,0.06980082519112295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22054117371798676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219687573137824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109316696844387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238637703943893,0.1396308542694262,0.0,0.0,0.1906016029409218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192452805573146,0.0,0.0,0.11342837368524655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927974846432932,0.0,0.08739895983324697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864439869483465,0.0,0.111036779365983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016491763617959
suicidewatch,uneasypancake,2019/04/10,"I tried to hang myself tonight Self-explanatory.  The rope wasn't long enough, I couldn't make a secure knot over the light fixture. I kicked the chair, felt the pull on my neck and it immediately came loose and I fell on my back. Got right back up and tried again, same thing. I can't do anything right. I wish it had worked. I'm so tired. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of my shitty artistic projects that go nowhere and don't amount to anything. I'm tired of my job. I'm tired of school. I'm tired of everyone treating me like I'm not a human being or I'm invisible. I'm tired of the citizens bank atm that never works. I'm tired of feeling like a disappointment to everyone.  I'm tired of all of the thoughts I can't stop and the emotional trauma I'm going through. It just keeps getting worse and worse and I just want it to end.  The person I love the most continuously treats me like nothing.  I tried to stop drinking and cutting and everything's just gotten worse.  Things keep setting me off and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm going to buy a longer length of rope tomorrow.  I feel like everyone would be better off if I was dead and everyone would love me more. Everyone loves someone more when they're dead and I don't feel like anyone does now and its all I want.  I know everyone will move on and be fine and I'm tired of being a disappointment and a burden.   I can't even talk about what's driving me the most with anyone because it makes me feel ashamed and humiliated. Its never going to stop. God I just wish it had worked tonight. I'm very drunk, I'm sorry.",1.1709581355200704,3.3820904290030245,2.6789503668536945,92.70004833836865,82.7764350453172,5.837237807509713,20.937505394907202,7.110495986334442,0.4228808113940445,1256,38,280,17,35,409,148,331,0.237,0.631,0.132,-0.9925,1,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,4,13,19,1,1,16,0,20,16,1,3,4,57,64,22,2,8,7,0,5,5,0,3,10,0,0,3,14,19,2,7,8,3,3,10,11,6,0,0,9,6,31,13,29,47,10,37,0,2,0,3,7,10,0,4,21,153,45,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493162427207909,0.0,0.09995590108992916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339960655021826,0.0,0.037022174079359885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371325942680232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946218676473903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314771542673244,0.0,0.0,0.05949505958345649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831626784703612,0.05379126762362322,0.06275325611809644,0.0,0.040113466428333536,0.0,0.0,0.34819697366621705,0.05458275832974037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283338996697245,0.13016265387975576,0.05831304824560315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031730400973613966,0.0,0.13806348471371685,0.0,0.04857359825306625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026797005522245,0.16194640960609116,0.0,0.0,0.06675435845241623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835498350692342,0.0,0.0,0.053746650096337514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444127121901014,0.0,0.08107928134910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454939491369924,0.044645623622002126,0.0,0.09368181678553572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827479561975061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053029571189235236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373102288820067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146487398981153,0.0,0.0,0.0633575949226624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145873618547732,0.0,0.0,0.06798543938622488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523261149287596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04881475431779677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069639729037559,0.0,0.0,0.04821508910484712,0.0,0.6980346262257591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370083030061825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050110951450519095,0.07164360226180698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967953189150448,0.0,0.0,0.13264268722134076,0.0,0.18567585009840812,0.08628573059550129,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frauleinforever,2019/04/10,Nerdy suicide I didn’t kill myself because of return of the king. And the new jk Rowling detective novels. Now endgame. Anyone else keep themselves alive for this? Nerdy but real.,2.965,6.035513000000003,2.7622500000000016,86.65775000000002,90.875,3.8100000000000014,25.15,5.6839178017228535,0.9835175000000004,144,6,22,1,5,43,29,32,0.223,0.685,0.093,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464886963642496,0.3611962240863215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21489162614288346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29448345250617913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133340866985636,0.3900088015332962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34046396272232343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012425205268825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855973419671488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ididntknowshewas3_v2,2019/04/10,"I can’t do this anymore I don’t know what to do, I’m 14 and have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t want to live my life anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I’m too much of a pussy to kill myself. I wish I had more friends. I wish I was popular. I wish I wasn’t ugly. I wish people weren’t dicks to me elementary and middle school. I wish I wasn’t born. I wish I gone.",-2.990750915750916,-1.4167328681318665,0.5938736263736288,104.31154304029309,97.46153846153848,3.9124542124542128,13.077838827838828,5.46131890053228,-1.4516820512820514,283,5,83,2,12,102,44,91,0.113,0.5670000000000001,0.32,0.9586,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,13,3,1,0,0,13,25,3,1,7,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,6,0,20,2,8,19,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,53,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539895187516775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893389153158892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167233256226192,0.0,0.1407498162399237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089608536785576,0.0,0.0,0.11307367236174215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413412796398683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877624083396791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959707680274926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552932937183011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296726819532546,0.8835319027246026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Patapatamon,2019/04/10,Im going to destroy myself until it kills me Nothings going to change. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. I want to ruin everything right now until i can't handle it anynore. I don't even know why Im posting here right now. I dont know anything and never will. But i also know too much at the same time.,1.6576616915422877,3.4015724029850745,3.735149253731347,88.17247512437812,78.70149253731344,5.6606965174129344,23.106965174129357,6.42735559955562,0.6292308457711441,249,8,51,2,6,85,42,67,0.168,0.8109999999999999,0.02,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,11,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,7,10,3,14,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,7,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899411820354772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331939421367055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709402570015347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183569785850584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305771456293055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33489150116701355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420524818241686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177148731109932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40249915690471905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612728641842026,0.0,0.307177595943193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369611977557684,0.0,0.14369576224891387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575439274688633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843596839791784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318219883307834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172807496664606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989199815409503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811814163499492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kunta33,2019/04/10,"Hard times equated to hard running Today my Wife let me have it big time. There have been signs of discontent and of her disconnecting but she hasn’t wanted to talk about it. It’s been weeks of me engaging and trying to talk.  She has become meaner and meaner each time. Today was the last straw. She came out with a lot.  Long story short she said I ruined her life and that she hates me.  With out hitting the details I’ll say I was left speechless. As the tears built up I walked away. I put on my running gear and tried to get my head wrapped around what was just said.  With my mind blown the first thing that came to mind was to end this misery. I started concocting various ways I could take my life.  The whole way on my run I thought about jumping in front of a car or a bus.  My eyes were locked in on the tires of passing cars.  I ran harder.  The thoughts came in like a whirlwind. I couldn’t get my breathing right because I’d start to cry.  I ran harder.  A few miles went by. I didn’t feel any better. In the distance I could see the freeway overpass creeping up.  I thought about jumping on to the freeway.  I ran harder. As I approached I could see all the semi truck speeding by. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even bring myself to stop running.  I ran harder I wanted off the overpass.  My mind raced back to oncoming traffic and my eyes locked back into the tired of passer bys. I ran even harder.  My next thought was to jump off the end of the peer by the beach.  Blow out all of my air on the way down and swim down. In my mind there wouldnt be enough time for me to make it back up to the surface. Time to conquer my fear of drowning.  I could see the pier approaching.  I ran a little bit harder.  Traffic light.  Damn I can’t breath. The thought rolled through my head of how stupid all this was.  Conquer my fear of drowning? By drowning? Stupid.  I turned around and ran back home.  I ran hard.  The whole way back, although upset, I thought about how stupid the whole thing was and how life goes on.  I still don’t know what will come of my relationship but I know I will be alive to find out.  I wanted to share this sloppy written story because I think that life is the way and I found my way of getting the negative out by running.  Maybe it will work for someone else.",0.7256598240469216,3.080993569892474,1.6135092864125156,98.55299120234604,86.41935483870968,4.156011730205279,19.852394916911045,5.440019651645993,-0.3722602150537635,1770,53,393,9,55,548,202,465,0.139,0.821,0.04,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,0,5,20,13,5,3,30,0,33,12,6,4,3,67,77,19,3,11,4,1,4,1,0,4,6,3,1,0,16,26,0,1,12,2,0,31,9,9,0,1,33,13,63,4,73,29,12,96,0,1,5,0,15,35,1,2,25,256,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620295951513638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096575152512253,0.0,0.0,0.06383384178998061,0.26121641492751113,0.0,0.08283375010264449,0.0750367142407702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008926838036172,0.07417517904949593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312299573708994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852610527500099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216984961299768,0.0,0.07463120925047764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056756908475441424,0.0,0.1203530730120946,0.07020235392269432,0.0,0.08975023581145804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290750862040595,0.03435356844176179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209785078472035,0.05779151765470472,0.0,0.07449500850934136,0.0,0.0,0.10649083300474113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825883358786952,0.06707876009448162,0.13945639686724842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681514684401512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467840535859481,0.05538188162654965,0.0,0.0,0.07381929313206978,0.06947540299621083,0.191958065051482,0.03319307937981289,0.06809583570800583,0.0,0.060126622674711236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776194588937832,0.0,0.0,0.045351880979336505,0.0,0.06825697397268743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744086215230789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225719676564518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830057871928984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294439143321392,0.0,0.05802218428200876,0.1292569960721552,0.05403028688229216,0.0,0.0,0.16242317753030264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575671229443292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617953965196156,0.0,0.05425865079877553,0.0568026399128104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108400556019422,0.10921857673227912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027542781531676,0.04353455588239612,0.0,0.3236306409391204,0.1980879316375833,0.15617890420976885,0.12880233776444788,0.0,0.0,0.09225645548391853,0.07390149742400932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022203707202668,0.32357567098775,0.0544990563988393,0.0,0.0,0.06298300967462518,0.0,0.22756479317391204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494626597863741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostandNeverFound93,2019/04/10,"Someone please talk to me before I die. Please someone keep me company for a little bit, I can't hold on anymore. I feel left behind and betrayed by everyone I've ever known and I feel all alone. I'm going to start drinking all the whiskey and smoke all the weed I got while listening to music and just look back at my whole life one last time. I don't want to be talked out of it, I just want some company for once before I leave quietly tonight.",4.14709677419355,4.5452591397849496,5.046397849462366,86.48959677419356,70.50537634408602,8.350537634408601,28.403225806451612,8.344100000000001,1.7582129032258058,352,12,76,5,6,115,65,93,0.15,0.799,0.051,-0.7872,0,1,3,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,0,4,19,14,5,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,2,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,11,0,12,12,6,13,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,7,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814090942714148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705785309408469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225796359287914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927199480371168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778027661366384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850962823358446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849525849156968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555845300922959,0.0,0.16435409229672546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393749950656304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775199280392537,0.0,0.1375647163111987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528821739676436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020357192908395,0.0,0.1821239645564312,0.1868793235337583,0.0,0.12148921989638232,0.0,0.17238994269168315,0.0,0.0,0.14443731467109727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317519053727965,0.11655216297685735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776103561821644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291471363031712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174301964521465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764953831315008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029502341184228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290100332510744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203270041412773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaydepressed17,2019/04/10,don’t know where else to ask this Can you legally attend a shooting range at the age of 19 in California ?,2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454553,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727276,78.0909090909091,6.218181818181819,24.63636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.9369272727272728,84,3,18,1,2,28,22,22,0.0,0.931,0.069,0.1027,0,0,0,1,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6829383662132837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6102564179626594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014751452945931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,12mrk12,2019/04/10,"I've decided this is suicide day but I have no money for a happy end but the money will also stop me suicide Dignity is dead.

This is my suicide day.
How do I get money to enjoy my last day?",-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,2.592380952380953,88.94428571428574,96.85714285714286,4.704761904761905,18.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.3473047619047622,147,5,31,2,6,55,29,42,0.39,0.422,0.188,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,3,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,7,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849039551118152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473470358831433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478941580082455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080121115529552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461345347224705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884725150825484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330756004078192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7587408045811398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmeaway5921,2019/04/10,"I’m ashamed at how inept I am It’s only a 5-page essay but I just can’t. This depression has already caused me to drop down to part-time student  status, but now it’s reminding me how unable to cope with stress I am. I mean seriously what kind of idiot wants to die over something so trivial? I am persistently incapable of being a responsible human, I don’t deserve to waste everyone’s time and money and hope like I have. My family loves me so much and I am so lucky, but this hurts. It hurts so much to know I am selfish, lazy and incapable of making connections with other people. 

I hate myself so much and have for over half my life. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do to get better. Therapy, antidepressants, exercise. Somehow though, I always end up back here. What’s the point if I’m going to spend my entire life feeling like this?",2.8203747534516768,4.8141739171597635,4.723526627218933,81.2644220907298,76.10059171597632,7.820276134122287,24.87613412228797,8.648137234880735,1.9002067850098616,668,23,128,14,15,228,103,169,0.28300000000000003,0.579,0.138,-0.9851,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,13,16,2,2,3,0,13,4,0,4,0,23,26,17,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,1,2,1,2,9,0,1,1,1,18,7,20,24,3,12,0,3,0,1,2,6,0,4,6,89,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867590108016226,0.0,0.13472524963402013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245017154455806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319959554036826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633007058654414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945611598366833,0.0,0.16804095825221602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569402946062034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340756545976607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547155715661216,0.14551768035875842,0.0,0.15263791772373067,0.0,0.08186848065929192,0.11567124883098046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459327611550475,0.0,0.0920193420622727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598563532855138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608169339299414,0.0,0.0,0.3466641366457209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860830346667535,0.08898358834441568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22872900616865885,0.1582058051311534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613352320573136,0.0,0.10807871668742744,0.0,0.0,0.17637159144008868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357075812204094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314273862958748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533686361853135,0.0,0.11225063989666192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306087319991135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464915121770218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547170725718606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516253764039314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907948333685076,0.0,0.09441323702719803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550095243174236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sleepygirl70,2019/04/10,Just end I deserve to die. I'm a terrible person and I wish all the pain in the world on myself. The only comforting thought I have is of me being beaten and left on the ground alone to die,2.4052845528455293,3.259101073170733,4.418048780487805,87.72918699186995,74.85365853658539,7.417886178861789,23.422764227642283,7.793537801064563,0.9873837398373979,148,4,33,2,3,51,31,41,0.363,0.534,0.103,-0.9274,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,6,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018640521645119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6049777100863993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258146530058158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166715048725814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166801714519915,0.3101333647009947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544911171968969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313862174795653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33516394082990897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,engineeringmydeath,2019/04/11,"Planning to Jump off my school's balcony I feel so tired. I am such a failure in life, I feel like I can't do anything right. I failed first year trying to get into pharmacy and now I'm barely passing engineering. I'm a failure for my parents and I'm the failure of my parents...

​

I always manage to hurt my girlfriend and I feel like a piece of shit. I don't deserve to live. My girlfriend deserves someone better than me but I don't want to hurt her. 

​

I always am the guy that says ""dont kill yourself your life is invaluable"" but now here I am. How pathethic right? 

​

I bought some rope and I'm learned how to tie a noose. I intend to go to my university to the 6th floor, tie my neck and then jump.

​

Then I'm gonna donate all of my organs so that I can be at least some use to this world.

​

This is the plan... but the only thing stopping me is that Im in so much student debt... and my parents will have to pay for it... I wish I had no student debt and I wish my parents wouldn't be hurt when i die.",0.3436486486486494,2.5062062117117136,2.2245513513513515,94.92990810810812,85.98198198198199,4.452900900900902,22.843963963963965,5.6839178017228535,0.19059185585585592,817,31,181,5,25,270,113,222,0.17800000000000002,0.743,0.079,-0.9587,6,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,0,5,10,9,2,0,9,0,18,5,2,4,1,27,34,18,2,4,3,4,3,2,2,3,3,1,0,1,7,8,0,1,4,0,5,4,6,6,0,1,2,4,32,3,22,27,6,21,0,4,0,0,10,9,1,2,10,118,39,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276944518535715,0.41569580815628937,0.4661892956671052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314395245788937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786327695756234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963577024817467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992941007455345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639411458065513,0.10963480679987048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526825628119702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04008933757187677,0.0,0.043608601492622766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597680930142357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24642979151932198,0.0,0.08288379874666241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489266240994542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839625513799662,0.07497482328351268,0.0,0.06775582022015164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640689753582859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835819399766801,0.0,0.0,0.3408075153928711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105753049573,0.0,0.06102041881388383,0.0,0.07765694748829302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876436324876218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501483065648096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415144314826704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050977375207113367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819222231352733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052096036100801775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627186857326726,0.0,0.0,0.04525856068328984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647617849319827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661892956671052,0.049412934850530506
suicidewatch,RightTumbleweed,2019/04/11,"Let's point out the ugly truth You are only as useful as the quality of emotion you induce. Nobody will help someone they don't like, and its so easy to become one. Since the society is always following the good emotion, you'll never hear of these people again after they fall.

Face it. We are animals and we are blind. High suicide rates are there for a reason.",3.5256807511737094,5.466710887323941,4.647535211267607,82.81853286384978,73.92957746478874,6.986854460093897,23.10093896713615,7.793537801064563,1.2601530516431922,287,8,52,4,6,94,57,71,0.14800000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.171,0.2338,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,2,3,2,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,9,2,1,3,2,10,12,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,7,3,8,9,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,4,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986798869101132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520121250823681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133542542519886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139053931715574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571807934087261,0.0,0.15294742573477788,0.2410897130213499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333343634137424,0.0,0.11147954114426474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599014374069236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462388978082472,0.17354478220687342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819457217080107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570834138887848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461192364648364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887567804043888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334019532795368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495970769248228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707835712753194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,goreygreyskies,2019/04/11,"Can't see a future for myself I used to feel the same way in highschool. After I graduated I worked on bettering myself, my relationships, my outlook on life. Everything was decent for a couple of years. I've been content. Not always happy but I've never thought happiness was sustainable. I could see a future for myself, tho, I knew what my next move was

Suddenly I don't. Or I do but its just killing myself. I feel like all I accomplished was delaying the inevitable. I feel so miserable and empty I dont even have words for it and I just want it to end",1.204555984555988,3.774984468468471,3.4480888030888046,84.4631756756757,87.1981981981982,6.775032175032175,22.342985842985843,7.957251820313856,1.5888553410553417,440,16,84,10,14,150,70,111,0.181,0.742,0.076,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,1,5,0,11,1,0,1,2,21,20,7,1,2,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,7,5,19,4,11,12,2,14,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,10,64,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352713921301065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381315127482586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691171202162904,0.21745462653409486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032949274051195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406558150638135,0.0,0.0,0.12980496962704355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662680186990135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29811156714047243,0.14039972805327885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184156759052284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742924649526954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881362304171574,0.09601371231549664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887828931928226,0.0,0.0,0.1515746015640203,0.0,0.2090098849701844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099765206951585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132149337982719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560213747171758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973719563813475,0.0,0.0,0.11591737692603328,0.15599487386621788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307481185299348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655766572367533
suicidewatch,ethoscat,2019/04/11,dont fucking act surprised Fuck you dad you're the shittiest person I know of course youll fucking blame me for my own pain and brush off my problems JUST SO YOU CAN FUCKING SLEEP AT NIGHT. why do you fucking think 2 of your kids are suicidal dont act fucking surprised when you find my dead body,0.4128233151183984,2.8713086065573776,1.36808743169399,97.32604735883429,94.08196721311475,4.0225865209471765,23.171220400728608,5.82211442006289,0.3385723132969036,239,10,50,2,9,74,44,61,0.39,0.61,0.0,-0.9825,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,6,0,0,3,10,6,0,1,0,6,9,2,0,0,6,14,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,0,1,11,2,5,13,1,6,0,0,0,6,9,2,6,0,2,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422658431241854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465551689533354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513104046674485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8201024880118707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812537832548249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874599676802835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573214492579094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290957889012703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147124600519514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795548241536824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172248956802635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473548211902626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341046243626484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,guitarmanchuck,2019/04/11,"Its gonna happen, someday. I dont know when or how, I dont even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just want to be heard, even if theres nothing anyone can do to change how I feel. Ive gone flat, I used to be sad, I used to get angry, I've been happy, had comfort, I've felt feelings they dont have words for. I used to try to convince myself that I can change my perspective, even if i believe its a level of insanity to create this imaginary will. I have already lived my life. Ive loved, I've had my 15 minutes of fame, I've traveled and met amazing people. In a way I had the crash course of living a meaningful life, and now its gone. All those great experiences just distracted me, I never really felt any different. Ive tried everything, my soul has given up, I'm practically already dead, only here to satisfy others selfishness and taxes. I can feel it coming, whenever I think about time, it brings me a sense of peace, that eventually I can finally go, move on to the next stage. The world has become vurtual to me, scripted and bland, I already know what you will say, I know it wont change anything. In a way I have a sense of enlightenment, I know theres nothing anyone can say to me, nothing anyone on this planet can do to me, my mind is mine and I already know the hearts deepest pain and that nothing is forever. I know it will be random, probably on a good day, rather than a bad one, and everyone will say what they feel they need to say after Im gone, maybe then I will be heard.",5.372937381404173,4.65455988387097,6.595313092979128,80.25649905123342,67.90322580645162,9.874762808349146,30.81593927893738,9.325443323948027,2.4274895635673626,1164,39,249,20,17,396,155,310,0.094,0.782,0.123,0.7906,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,3,0,14,12,0,1,12,0,35,5,1,5,2,42,70,14,1,5,6,0,6,0,0,7,3,6,0,0,17,8,0,0,16,1,1,8,5,5,0,1,13,12,41,7,28,46,1,29,1,1,0,1,12,8,0,4,9,157,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632690534333628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055965076285047134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726328352086243,0.0,0.06772377485567535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871491867684025,0.0,0.09089104855476253,0.0,0.09272102455256546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611793144052038,0.07089195109480123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053075035747182836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598330097875953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893559343559185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630700342521465,0.0,0.0,0.07863872365335277,0.07396362587536143,0.0805026807476584,0.0,0.0,0.16644821878797011,0.0,0.15803688256405518,0.09015281477530238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04299701184593378,0.0,0.04677152750656256,0.06902718191163285,0.0,0.09073321000587224,0.0,0.0,0.07277534787992537,0.08760714734515754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752285390876507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889534954666499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165996169530187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625822097626423,0.0,0.0,0.145340281535634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427664605146116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535766519962733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309694659160627,0.0,0.0,0.0874691467044538,0.0,0.06102250350536316,0.0634728535171344,0.0,0.08752425324200701,0.0,0.0,0.31586642471557824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576687022182674,0.06259090597658794,0.08757027071473142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570546775698855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881819134436355,0.0,0.0887305516960122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272184268655939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617848864058021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527328718022005,0.0,0.0,0.047988294782773416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174910921570033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132356749213959,0.0,0.0,0.04854115801590247,0.13064774277704108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426063239837502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SwiftNinja99,2019/04/11,"After seeing a Quora post about if I’d leave my family, friends, and anyone who knew me for 100 million dollars, I see how little I have to live for. My mom would probably be glad. My dad would be indifferent. My friends would be sad, but most of them aren’t that close. My Bible teacher would try to make it seem like I killed myself because I was an atheist, and make another shitty Christian recruit speech.",5.586624999999998,6.0898894125000025,5.842500000000001,81.67250000000001,67.375,8.4,31.0,8.238735603445708,2.1789499999999995,323,12,62,4,5,103,62,80,0.17600000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.105,-0.81,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,6,1,0,2,0,10,0,0,3,0,15,16,5,1,5,2,2,0,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,12,4,7,7,1,4,1,1,2,0,6,2,0,3,2,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277222444418988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521341396822478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788057964745265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229824707980533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298804560767823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394255521983171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475789653659354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447403824474038,0.1938141536484936,0.1707550793838285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581607623135147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264803351183901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18520132722595356,0.0,0.20849267991694026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30819222505685595,0.1760427926447207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129001687340644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.549476749587878,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,talmi,2019/04/11,"What is the point of this life? Is this existential crisis? I am highly educated. Have fairly good job. Looks decent with a decent body. I have been studying my whole life. You just study, give exams, work daily. I loved a girl but can't even be with her! She left me. I tried to kill myself by taking a lot of sleeping pills with lot of whiskey but turns out the number of pills were less for my body. Now what's the point of the life. You Just go with the flow and in the end you get some cancer, cardiac disease and die painfully with lots of regret. Why not just die now? What difference it makes?",1.0307674144037762,3.420589768595047,2.018730814639909,95.98316115702481,85.19834710743801,4.448878394332938,16.08087367178276,5.773587663045528,-0.7149556080283355,466,9,101,3,14,146,81,121,0.247,0.7120000000000001,0.041,-0.9888,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,3,0,1,6,5,1,0,9,0,9,12,3,1,0,20,17,4,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,1,13,2,16,14,6,11,0,1,1,1,8,6,0,4,3,70,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438168817390355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212421786005136,0.16169593483467126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707538696293853,0.0,0.0,0.10222047510689053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808580497187839,0.14846418524182367,0.08795621682037312,0.12980909759398038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351716337782354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535798593666597,0.0,0.17122395962757625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815205325737198,0.0,0.3279441736183743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996317928419093,0.0,0.0,0.3947256627368298,0.13968097971304794,0.0,0.10330648780550802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468031147631354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29260490345119816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487624251952467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636362337132583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507491847770606,0.1683393053955288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396508652306263,0.17278900766868574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267037992045385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AngelsHaveGone,2019/04/11,"Being suicidal makes it hard to make friends. I'd always had difficulty making friends but after my attempt a year(ish) ago it's even harder. Thoughts like ""Why make friends if you're just gonna kill yourself and hurt them eventually?"" constantly run through my head. And so I rarely seek out people to talk to, and even less often does someone try to talk to me. This results in an increase in the volume of the crushing sphere of loneliness that constantly encompasses me. In turn the loneliness leads to further desires to end my life which makes it harder to make friends. Mine is a cyclical hell.

I recently have made two cool new friends after months of being alone and now I can't seem to stop pondering my seemingly impending death. ""We haven't been friends long, would they care?"" I want to inform them of my mental condition but obviously cannot. They didn't befriend me to hear about how I loathe myself nor would it benefit them to know. More to the point it is exam season and it would be extraordinarily selfish of me to add to their already stress-filled plates. 

As the end of term looms, I'm filled with terror at the prospect of returning to my Melloncamp-esque small-town home, a place in which I've previously made multiple attempts on my own life. This prison of mine has an amplificating effect on my mental health issues and I put it at a high probability that spending time there will result in further suicide attempt(s). 

If things go south, will my cool new friends forget about me? And more importantly, do I want them to? These are questions I cannot answer. Will the people reading this forget me? Likely. 

Anywho, thanks for coming to my Ted talk. My long, rambling, unorganized Ted talk.",5.207429467084637,7.169332589341696,5.329346708463952,79.58077868338559,69.50156739811912,8.238796238244515,30.00137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.4894437868338564,1372,55,246,25,25,431,188,319,0.198,0.6659999999999999,0.136,-0.9834,0,1,0,0,0,2,42.0,1,0,7,4,10,19,2,1,13,2,22,4,1,13,1,49,44,15,4,8,5,0,1,2,7,7,3,1,1,0,16,12,0,1,9,1,1,7,6,5,0,1,6,4,36,14,44,28,6,43,1,1,0,0,22,17,1,6,21,156,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709220436645964,0.0,0.0,0.09007299337250227,0.09597174860851353,0.0,0.07236464297048374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867003984405301,0.0,0.0,0.0749155420153106,0.0,0.18796380362383286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761065984948366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405630795939146,0.0,0.0,0.11488356401343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703407780540995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049426123557418884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790656883654958,0.0,0.08925462842369193,0.09244330057206138,0.09801966314698353,0.0,0.0,0.09188684794590816,0.08723635672223835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310142882342054,0.0,0.0,0.09077237345369432,0.0,0.0,0.09621760565061993,0.0,0.0477955366070454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285665020737856,0.08497669616700357,0.0,0.0,0.15392852492270956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458313135254588,0.3483123364197713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752873047643476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941731576304376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798916934528296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058582190638012,0.0,0.0908634266318244,0.0,0.08221321149487901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376660214549744,0.0,0.0,0.08742722329928522,0.09742446759870023,0.0,0.08699189554703493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858707642238921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834545850795234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736880097756748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270944370847056,0.09962196331609684,0.0,0.0,0.19025854208141466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796074960256902,0.0,0.08006878194042083,0.0,0.0,0.05777791443382858,0.0,0.0,0.0690431639146182,0.050711950489758933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904580814419325,0.09459660281935008,0.08495545138097327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259238479553846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847541844467551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533948453490076,0.0,0.0,0.05600477290403754
suicidewatch,DocruneThrowAway,2019/04/11,"I don't think I'll see 2020 My mum has hidden her meds from me, but she doesn't know I have a stash. I've got about 5000mg of tramadol hidden where she will never find it. She could tear my room apart and come away empty handed. There's no way I would survive an overdose of that magnitude, either. I know I will die this year. It's only a matter of time. I know people will miss me. I know it will be devastating for some people. But it should be a human right to terminate your own life. Nobody asks to be born, so why are we forced to live wasteful and traumatising lives as part of the most destructive species to ever walk the earth?",2.3222214627477804,3.8568307368421095,3.4983868762816144,91.5161107313739,76.21804511278198,6.340123034859878,19.609706083390293,6.980632752743323,0.12013383458646575,500,10,111,5,11,162,95,133,0.228,0.764,0.008,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,1,5,2,1,0,6,0,15,2,1,0,2,21,25,6,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,2,17,0,13,14,5,13,0,1,1,0,9,5,0,2,5,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720666548686604,0.0,0.18814141381334928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249759504770906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988328545807873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078278260416028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811375384888219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302482059354105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015817305706215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402085280005105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414424572411109,0.0,0.0,0.3536487378507537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22243254419303812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444510150213836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522991056965064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168511746767061,0.0,0.2776561941105737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17101235766557385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957327858133205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831207810424902,0.0,0.0,0.11676735246571572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894908434184682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069442718978948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225181446380675,0.0,0.0,0.1289543982097227
suicidewatch,Deadpool1357999,2019/04/11,Fast way to go What is the quickest most painless  fastest way to commit suicide,6.48,7.706064999999999,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,65.66666666666666,6.0,41.66666666666667,3.1291,2.6936666666666667,65,4,11,0,1,19,13,15,0.212,0.5660000000000001,0.221,-0.204,0,0,0,0,0,2,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28276352583168585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442281561494403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.789848404767278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tossaway-yvran,2019/04/11,"I want to die, despite everything I have. TL;DR: I don’t think I deserve to live.

I’m a middle-class teen in junior year with good grades and a loving mother, and yet I feel like I want to kill myself almost every day. I’ve been to a councilor, I’m taking five different kinds of pills to keep the symptoms in check, but I still want to die. I used to play video games, but now I find my time is getting taken up more and more by homework, which half the time I don’t have the motivation to do anyway.

I have no friends since I’m utterly useless in social situations, and the only times I go out are when I’m on my obese mother’s leash. There’s supposed to be college ahead of me, but I can’t find the time to do anything about it. My grades are starting to go to shit slowly but surely, and with AP tests coming up I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I fail spectacularly.

Most people tell me to change my attitude or ask how they can help, but I’m too lazy and too cowardly to want to get better. I just want to die, but I’m too much of a wimp to try anything yet. 

I don’t know why the hell I’m even writing this. Probably for attention. Maybe someone will tell me to go through with it. Writing this all down makes me want to puke.",2.7662879841112202,3.578129203773585,4.365700099304867,88.60445878848067,73.94339622641509,7.0883813306852055,24.13604766633565,7.273561745256523,0.8186226415094344,969,27,218,10,19,326,144,265,0.184,0.6779999999999999,0.139,-0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,4,28.0,0,0,1,4,14,15,3,0,11,0,16,5,1,4,2,44,47,15,4,6,8,2,2,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,6,11,1,1,8,3,1,4,5,6,0,2,2,2,27,9,39,43,5,26,1,2,0,1,13,8,2,3,16,133,33,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159167778050558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341226062761115,0.0,0.10418193110767747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948277548842643,0.0,0.0,0.09856016733102856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788939356061715,0.0959962216984271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186997705035858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469732906990487,0.1164317231455756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360547480444565,0.0,0.09389352404505394,0.0,0.10015563851044017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269544613542196,0.15922639442031986,0.0,0.0,0.20370940533000498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609874226225213,0.0,0.11644624298779792,0.0,0.19000280797843586,0.09347110011326372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469629477991611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905353848545287,0.123292528557573,0.1160482509770197,0.06124484726263508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088885102477188,0.0,0.09840410422157002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057950544817992,0.0,0.0743874754774205,0.0,0.1119570758238151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192167412180837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951121794910126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772588903584663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015183078603085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439218925980325,0.09218482784563876,0.12526391978934526,0.0,0.11359967235601097,0.0944232709615298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788782404697799,0.0,0.08899661863133787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503146024749414,0.11582946823391024,0.08378947308996387,0.0,0.19480801789795607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140664594700373,0.0,0.0,0.32490959225654703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566086203867224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962489102906972,0.0,0.0,0.3943833702780968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055782103735304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176410196387953
suicidewatch,Funniest_meme,2019/04/11,"Do it faggot Kill yourself, it makes every problem and worry disapear while making regret impossible",11.2975,13.21920875,11.3,42.545000000000016,55.25,11.4,41.0,11.20814326018867,6.030824999999999,84,4,7,2,1,28,15,16,0.614,0.386,0.0,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35405068785673505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649075107933851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5609958115549951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40209062393194056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42675044979454496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,booscaly,2019/04/11,"Struggling again I just started working again after doing nothing for 8 months. It’s been less than two weeks but I’m already sick of it. On minimum wage, saving every penny I earn, it’ll still take another 8 months to buy a car just so I can travel further to make more money and work shitty jobs for the rest of my life. 

My boyfriend doesn’t work, and I understand because I really don’t want to either. It just makes it even harder to save my money instead of spending it on taking him on dates and buying things for him. 

And that’s just the latest thing added to the mountain of bullshit that makes me dread getting out of bed every day. I don’t want to get into the rest of it because it upsets me even more to think about it. Also because he might somehow see this and I don’t want to get into too much detail. 

I just want this all to end. It’s all I’ve wanted since I was 13. It’s been 6 years of constantly fantasizing about my suicide, or freak accidents happening to me. I’m just trying to hold on for him, because I know it would destroy him if I ctb.",4.3011829347123465,4.593826619909503,5.409867485455719,84.39259049773756,70.13122171945703,7.762249515190692,27.55042016806723,7.447530270364453,1.4309325145442802,837,26,173,8,14,278,123,221,0.179,0.7709999999999999,0.051,-0.988,3,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,4,18,7,1,3,5,0,12,2,0,3,2,37,33,10,1,7,10,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,18,8,0,1,3,1,6,2,4,5,0,1,3,1,22,2,33,27,9,24,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,4,14,123,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597520556631902,0.10578494666303477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870800331302535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32254870956018106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294860347361754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853102038878294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716156863461273,0.0,0.0,0.17474050557795245,0.0,0.2229046399838916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733385077401809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169755173640874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126833075398187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269809483024317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343387522492494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26489548042709404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403290759690841,0.0,0.0,0.21117062229860184,0.0,0.09724164399366428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692704166118246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474249872118422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541070970496996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942408473799084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362906533384772,0.0,0.1056396563957015,0.0,0.0,0.13828866398510908,0.0,0.14469377808449632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891747086408595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576303566325005,0.08476022637959839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981001291158555,0.0,0.12921916771470476,0.13770902830516196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901133582851883,0.0,0.10610771751798267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889060992483042,0.0,0.0,0.0939685193709104,0.0,0.0,0.08518452936301579
suicidewatch,4cidquen,2019/04/11,"I'm 21 and feel like I've had all experiences someone could have in life and now I'm alone, with no expectations It's what the title says. I know I'm actually very young, but I feel like a 60 years old person who has nothing else to expect in life. I've done everything one could possibly do: tried many many drugs, loved intensely, travelled to many many places, had amazing friends, have a great job doing what I always wanted to do, studied what I wanted to study, learned the languages I wanted to, absolutely everything I ever wanted to do I did and everything I ever dreamt of I have. But now I feel like nothing new could ever happen to me. I'm alone, got away from people somehow, spend days without talking to anyone, can't leave my bedroom. I'm tired of being so lonesome, unable to make friends or simply live  my life because I'm bored.

I feel like every suicidal person I know wants to kill themselves for the opposite reason - they feel like they've accomplished nothing in life, I feel like I've lived to the fullest and now there's nothing left. Does anyone else feel like this?

I'm ready to hang myself. Just got home from work and knew that's what I wanted to do, I know that after many attempts I just won't fail. But somehow I'm afraid. Wish I had someone to talk to, mental confusion is getting stronger and stronger. 

I'm sorry for this post.",3.8847990794830953,5.496245070631971,4.583409453000531,85.01697645600994,72.27137546468401,7.0568950256682585,27.307665073464328,7.62386473244151,1.5416594441494067,1080,39,209,13,21,346,137,269,0.11,0.6659999999999999,0.224,0.9888,1,2,1,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,1,4,12,17,1,2,6,0,21,7,0,2,4,47,54,11,2,12,7,0,7,7,2,1,6,1,2,2,10,7,0,0,13,1,1,2,4,5,0,1,8,8,22,12,28,41,1,21,0,1,0,1,10,6,0,4,19,112,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0700322929771842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865380466072725,0.0,0.0,0.05971423341061945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035952069470758,0.0735317287582097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742558486857106,0.0,0.0,0.04374728115145738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189555155699748,0.0,0.0,0.046282491468132105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280203978153602,0.07344051673190652,0.0,0.0,0.08322462230341267,0.0,0.11990090654043205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474666783962813,0.060465112191188386,0.0,0.1934932780734056,0.07019994583918912,0.0,0.0,0.2540058009496602,0.3588825390376402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108909301968313,0.0,0.03749425329440749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479406124339465,0.07912117173083426,0.0,0.0,0.06346155720718047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198615170848786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121569426964934,0.0,0.07939734552930176,0.0,0.11832051033968514,0.0,0.0,0.07598877859743328,0.07797288827437511,0.0,0.20275898243628665,0.2454252963021339,0.0,0.12673962900733315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477071920466278,0.0,0.047903698323254494,0.3637922572163764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232224606487732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931108934533066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27544183251434,0.0,0.07530530092224359,0.0,0.048629824905640766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049752818640078175,0.12532486910054572,0.07497915616877378,0.0,0.0,0.08090426062120656,0.06873103742794437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378637792566345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570704126761025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161251226247123,0.0,0.0,0.08033504798122235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849926790109203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115363985750936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248331656993473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048723727841497866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921364523795121,0.2539731570705731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252621442035063,0.06917890419949284,0.0,0.05224577859850656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046214310525438604
suicidewatch,basicallyimonkey,2019/04/11,"I thought I was past this. I'm 19. I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 14, but for the past year and a half, things had been a lot better. I thought I was past all of it because I finally felt happy and comfortable with myself. But these past few weeks, I've been in a low place and I feel so weak for it. I'm in a long-distance relationship and I keep having thoughts about breaking up with my boyfriend. Nothing is wrong, but I just keep thinking about killing myself and I know it would hurt him worse because I haven't been talking to him about how I feel. I have friends at my university, but my anxiety has been awful so I always opt out of going to do things with them. I feel like they don't like me and like they think I'm annoying and bitchy. I got drunk last night and a bunch of my friends from my dorm building were in my room but when they left I relapsed and hurt myself, which I hadn't done in two years. I hate myself. I feel so worthless. My friends went out tonight to celebrate a birthday and I flaked last minute because I had a really bad mood swing, but I blamed it on homework. I feel like shit for it. I feel like I'm being so selfish and hard to be friends with. They keep inviting me to hang out with them, but it makes me feel worse because I feel like no one could enjoy being around me when I'm like this. I just want it all to be over. I live by myself so I keep thinking about how I could just kill myself and it could be days before anyone noticed I was missing.",3.8284076911521687,4.348879003154575,4.2933573681838695,91.16759200841221,71.27129337539432,7.2999248910920835,27.713534625206552,7.07126945348624,1.110753462520654,1192,40,270,10,21,376,144,317,0.251,0.5710000000000001,0.17800000000000002,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,4,27.0,0,0,6,1,17,32,5,1,8,1,29,3,1,3,2,65,62,29,3,5,10,0,10,7,4,1,1,0,3,0,14,23,1,4,17,1,0,3,4,16,0,3,20,10,56,15,36,33,5,35,0,6,0,0,14,16,1,1,22,184,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777216553062261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623083289833971,0.0,0.0,0.056951095749025286,0.0,0.0,0.07250695606321159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800658591203591,0.19860243096976565,0.0,0.06930717443355933,0.0,0.0,0.07203509898288138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509140633172295,0.0,0.0,0.05252792330731085,0.0,0.07015197969480175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335069500739987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294648471940811,0.2327489774694025,0.07820389689979444,0.08922349413031984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517094517639026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628939340772659,0.0,0.06514227577052191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670406815812604,0.07296238414756029,0.08041411142616159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438586542690318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28958276523371584,0.18022269521245984,0.0,0.04476228839930612,0.13278375431612166,0.0,0.0,0.08849467185979026,0.0,0.0,0.2785433699201159,0.0,0.07192103645801101,0.07207987936319604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924510152540082,0.0,0.0,0.05436789835294537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764344510839856,0.0,0.07815259612752612,0.09273032593266016,0.0,0.0,0.05519200959287827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110094806098304,0.0,0.0,0.08509696085812694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521783710603849,0.0,0.0,0.08744583847945292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360631783956239,0.06737552683202376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514827072305937,0.0,0.08909208197721566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546569127683388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822230913571257,0.15656785945437268,0.0,0.25864591001923304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956392344903176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048040782066599376,0.0,0.06533354504024984,0.0,0.0,0.07550412009399951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660071570570824,0.057859094854665026,0.08905179106335216,0.0,0.10490108384298956
suicidewatch,itsakoalabear,2019/04/11,"Dear Mom and Dad and The Girl I Hurt. To the girl I hurt: I'm sorry I made mistakes. I'm sorry that I am not good enough. I never was good enough, I never will be good enough. I'm sorry I've hurt you, I lack common sense. I wish I recognized my mistakes before I made them. I'm sorry that I hurt you the way I did. I hurt you many times over. It makes me less a man than ever. I am not good enough for anyone. I am sorry for the pain I caused. I'm sorry I hurt you and put you through that pain when I said I wouldn't. I'm sorry I told you I'd never hurt you, when I turned around and then hurt you. I'm sorry. 

To Mom and Dad, and my Grandmothers. 
I'm sorry I was less of a son and grandson. I'm sorry I don't talk to you guys a lot and try to be better. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry I don't show you guys I love you. I'm sorry I know I've hurt you guys too. I'm sorry I wasn't the son you wished I was. I'm sorry I wasn't the smartest in school. I'm sorry for disappointing you Dad and Mom. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you enough Mamaw. I miss you so much my sweet precious grandmother. I wish I could go back and talk to you again and hear you tell me that you love me. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you except on rare occasion. I'm sorry I wasn't a good grandson. I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit. This world would *truly* be better off without me in it. It's nothing but the truth. I've been hiding my pain for quite sometime but this time I feel like I need to take action. 

I don't know how you would feel about me killing myself my dear that I hurt so badly. You are giving me another chance, but it's best I leave this world before I just do more damage. 

Mom, I'm sorry for not talking to you all the time. 

Dad, I'm sorry I disappointed you, and that I didn't help around a lot. 

Mamaw, I'm sorry I was less of a grandson. I'm sorry I wasn't good. I miss you. 

My other Mamaw, I'm sorry that I disappoint you and don't talk to you enough. I've distanced myself from everyone. I'm sorry it seems I only come around for money. 

I love you all. Sometimes the only thing that prevents me from killing myself is wondering how you all would feel if I were to take my own life. I'm barely hanging in there but I don't know how long I can go on.",-0.7924938153084966,0.8757096516634064,2.0484665657423484,97.54867222981207,86.53424657534245,4.639382638555552,15.120961488756786,5.6105584117120735,-0.944446471956578,1716,28,433,10,53,601,159,511,0.258,0.6559999999999999,0.086,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,2,58.0,0,29,1,4,20,43,3,0,16,0,35,8,1,7,8,66,92,28,2,13,11,13,3,1,0,5,4,2,0,6,18,17,0,1,8,1,1,6,20,25,0,0,18,6,99,18,37,65,20,33,0,16,0,3,64,12,1,5,15,266,117,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03038350732905556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02026045611301621,0.0,0.0,0.07738344531670761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022280494994675024,0.024193466888483027,0.0,0.0,0.04931230725099157,0.0,0.030408168899682817,0.05125323551178294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029765985889465826,0.0,0.02495996654726593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023134707793444197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963762295984195,0.0,0.0,0.026210144552361026,0.0,0.02768748611647841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043952894954647416,0.020700218237016683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027796094629546013,0.032935072145699226,0.1458204598484589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607138076300372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265767619518758,0.0,0.019421775002442302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101904473253784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411455229961982,0.0,0.04777279704830811,0.0,0.0,0.0306810415832564,0.0,0.0,0.02046636650281872,0.014156044504037062,0.0,0.0,0.0256425484578061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049268142150565936,0.07845499688145298,0.05483494268738341,0.01934147893116925,0.029376772669167137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574377735054208,0.0,0.0,0.021300445052931303,0.021485085719921432,0.06704344890981706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027802928514981614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04407459225517829,0.09249643974328448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029128542758517763,0.0,0.030819182499063607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027562489275526326,0.0,0.0,0.029324916193132006,0.0,0.0263783538165034,0.0,0.0,0.029743099954109814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573153399035444,0.8433328949767973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043572182495028436,0.13973723394552187,0.025326005148137185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01925014186167703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068782339633753,0.0,0.0,0.02768748611647841,0.0,0.019672572024295672,0.03151719894616038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02299953125024011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996174157844814,0.02793150351413127,0.03142286868318498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061750435349359124,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LostInTheAbsurd,2019/04/11,"i dont know what to do anymore i cant stop these obsessive intrusive thoughts. my mind keeps going in circles around the one thing im trying to avoid and not think about at all. the harder i try to push it away, the harder it comes back and the deeper it hurts. i keep trying to distract myself, but my mind always pulls me back to it. i cant even function anymore. i cry all day long, and have frequent emotional and mental meltdowns, because i cant stop thinking about this, and worrying about it. so far the only advice ive found is to find something that captures my interest, and focus all my attention and efforts on it. but nothing works. nothing else matters but this thing. nothing else has made me feel as good, or even at all. i need more of it like a drug, that i need just to function and not go through withdrawals. even actual drugs cant help take my mind off of it. ive tried. maybe i just dont have enough. i cant afford enough alcohol or drugs to not be conscious anymore. the only thing that makes sense to me is to die to end the pain. ive tried but i cant escape the spiral.",3.1484470588235283,4.385544435555556,4.098875816993466,89.24917647058822,73.53333333333333,6.716339869281048,26.12418300653595,7.048011613610866,1.0670967320261442,858,29,181,8,17,277,117,225,0.122,0.797,0.081,-0.8615,1,1,5,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,8,0,3,9,0,18,5,0,2,4,47,34,16,1,2,11,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,18,10,1,5,9,0,0,5,11,5,0,1,3,1,24,3,25,30,7,21,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,2,9,124,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.09186839052475466,0.0,0.0,0.09199385066443692,0.0,0.10060848714969063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833315577201468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800888075605639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380577246403356,0.0,0.0,0.08844890976344165,0.14477779475450353,0.0,0.057387701278432665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109444863597047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340986704591752,0.060713391207085125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770387209975193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206659533159147,0.0,0.3275222805657391,0.0,0.15728605816058494,0.10589636263011402,0.0833813052457585,0.1945463877207592,0.0,0.1865384477716316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760070191536764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604350054054709,0.0,0.0,0.10322114572311022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700541250260398,0.07896130902834186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310097140444505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078027648940098,0.0,0.10168882710180226,0.0,0.0,0.16735433846874614,0.0,0.0,0.05173763125969983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04599271484387838,0.0,0.0,0.08331214406353928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907883419630411,0.06284009102164519,0.0,0.09457765289294283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487235192027968,0.0,0.2851678207375436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396092560504206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709935312755505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379262416892913,0.14319749792214398,0.10017304800960107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247462079832794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574127901780784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707825891635112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763001594742648,0.12064396868051115,0.0,0.07473772676695868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195790303926559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853603369978438,0.09560512416049767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fake-smiles123,2019/04/11,Why go on.. please help Idek where to begin. Life is pointless. I truly hate myself. I hurt people that get or are close to me.  I tired of the fake smile. The only thing I do not want to do is hurt my family. So please help me with ideas. I can’t get a normal sleep cycle down it’s hard to talk to people. Idk if I fear them seeing how I feel on the inside or not. I used to be social. Idk this going nowhere my times up. How can I get cyanide. There is no changing my mind. So please save your breath,-1.376483180428135,0.6261150825688127,0.7761100917431207,102.44098470948013,95.42201834862385,3.2736391437308865,10.936391437308867,4.604124745555138,-1.8265270948012235,380,4,94,1,15,125,75,109,0.21600000000000005,0.617,0.16699999999999998,-0.6302,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,6,6,1,1,4,0,9,4,2,3,0,16,20,7,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,3,17,1,12,19,0,10,0,2,1,0,6,6,0,3,2,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754233449349093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930415793893712,0.17821865481770915,0.08008039384223976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823703138917685,0.0,0.18001910122450074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418750803423592,0.15636493588494652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231412305138656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390926565389793,0.1787888552706115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111866671700908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599160689996963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517626733132606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045318208980485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195979546604148,0.0,0.0,0.5215526173670533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262063167982559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849182119969654,0.16144585809948525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729778937575273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521893563957957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235116059529112,0.1820315723557236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678725995198487,0.0,0.0,0.0934151192431458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291100818593952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MakaylaSpeech,2019/04/11,"I feel so lost right now Honestly I'm just a waste of space. I manipulate everyone else in my life. I literally made up the suicide of an online friend just so I could get more attention from others. People like me and they shouldn't. I just want to punish myself ever day, I've stopped eating and sleeping. Everything I do is just out of attention seeking. When I attempted my first time, I wasn't expecting to die. I just did it so people would care about me and feel sorry for me. My whole life is just one big pity party. I wish I had the guts to actually kill myself, to actually leave this life. I'm just a waste of other people's time. If I killed myself I could actually prove to people that it wasn't for attention. I really want to try again but I don't know how to approach it. I don't have access to any firearms or prescription medications. I feel like anything I do would just end up in a failed attempt.",2.280320855614974,4.242770935828879,4.286096256684496,83.92561497326206,77.6096256684492,7.822459893048128,23.299465240641712,8.671277953709913,1.6095475935828878,723,23,149,16,17,247,105,187,0.156,0.7490000000000001,0.095,-0.7914,0,0,0,1,0,2,18.0,0,0,1,5,17,11,3,0,6,0,16,7,2,3,2,37,29,11,4,10,11,0,3,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,7,4,1,1,8,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,6,3,28,5,21,18,2,19,0,3,0,0,2,8,0,2,12,104,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.3767853323691973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752213872661421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591122198813263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312208142986759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551700674332066,0.0,0.0,0.08300248922962818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357291415318348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169482622822706,0.10751445512173198,0.0,0.11399224706469302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641881330001992,0.0,0.12298078976641247,0.1156695416908842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195227609733253,0.09194511832586698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947431243532343,0.0,0.0,0.09943526101726312,0.0,0.06724176371068663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28478057719492544,0.0,0.07073154860930526,0.0,0.0,0.13627740376615052,0.0,0.0,0.2727192247331732,0.12575511736609696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049402284355275,0.0,0.0,0.12178145264110578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965426608359146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721217008700624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569045366678397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824501409778056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991126359097164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879548468107058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407195341707868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760108405735816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407796864820996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150094968935251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738057453488422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182418207311266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369178660467613,0.14800156617116514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285317960940456,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ambiguous_em,2019/04/11,"Feeling scared, what do I do? I just started a new antidepressant. I know it has the side effect of possibly making me feel suicidal. I’ve attempted before and am glad it didn’t work. Logically I want to live and can come up with reasons why, but my brain keeps telling me to kill myself tonight. I know I just need to get over this medication hump (literally only been on it for a week) and I’ll hopefully be close to the other side, but right now I’m scared and want these thoughts to go away. 
(I do not have a current plan in place to harm myself or someone else and I would 100% call for help if I did)",3.2994044444444413,4.271229216000005,4.64746666666667,86.48017777777778,72.84,8.115555555555558,26.68888888888889,8.515128840125781,1.5989822222222227,472,16,105,8,9,157,88,125,0.151,0.7509999999999999,0.098,-0.8979,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,4,3,6,1,2,5,0,12,3,1,3,0,30,28,9,2,6,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,1,8,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,2,14,2,15,22,0,18,0,0,0,1,3,10,0,3,6,66,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667006843376556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097928084276466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806979764571245,0.1811751708788404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528396462970164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482194274766467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942718809009722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269949523004543,0.0,0.10083716995339437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892713142112248,0.0,0.0,0.17622734671481502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770732971287948,0.19629925139140147,0.0,0.19502102535957025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667333794290292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843544714305372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787413707957334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315615906726272,0.0,0.17136234040204448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494299117369116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537587280493445,0.0,0.0,0.2000248961529401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242688912496874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152366762444494,0.0,0.0,0.35527539907613154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033528487511308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558538409777534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407887532046755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508104394401542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085905898912854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930481690585545,0.0,0.14232309606765656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010236161200433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291706562590662,0.0,0.0,0.12604069640358606,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_jonnny_,2019/04/11,"I'm trying so hard but I just cannot carry on in life anymore.. Daily, hourly... I just don't want to be here.. why cant/wont I do it? I'm a grown man who crys when no one is around because  the thought of living anymore just hurts so bad.

​

I have 2 reasons I feel like I cant, two daughters.  aged 11 & 6, they are my world, without them I wouldn't be here making this post 10000%.  

​

But I feel like I'm one of those Stretch Armstrong toys, being pulled one way.. to live(by family).. and the other(my head).. to not.

​

I can feel like I am about to snap & I don't know what happens when I do ? 

​

Been on meds for about 15 years, last week I stopped them completely because I was fedup of being controlled by drugs,   I have a simple, boring life.  no hobbies, friends,  no ambition & no care for my life AT ALL.

​

I don't know what I am hoping for from posting this, I don't even know if I'm posting in the right place.",0.8936731275424741,3.030333753768846,2.040387652548457,97.31214405360134,83.321608040201,4.393491265853076,22.541517109356302,5.288315135182226,-0.032038238813112414,743,26,166,3,21,235,115,199,0.149,0.743,0.108,-0.728,0,0,1,0,0,2,65.0,0,0,3,1,13,9,0,0,5,0,22,5,1,3,1,25,38,8,0,4,8,1,4,3,1,1,4,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,8,1,0,2,13,3,0,4,3,4,23,6,21,30,1,24,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,2,11,102,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5956357931295743,0.4174913263270065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362969271918485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611723976081253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737554214461015,0.08377807822073838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700612162333177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204811230528722,0.0,0.07707157908809997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968951136743317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538670690886658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647799529364015,0.0,0.1042356264388249,0.14727359034590787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309032229818402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076591691842673,0.0,0.06155663147161002,0.0,0.07052311956569063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825114995484734,0.06767206976507853,0.0,0.0735626074816293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329464036904613,0.0560132507000021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560983085749993,0.10071446954495772,0.0,0.12135614229239933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586890521600532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632871998243218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969256491736953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179428578298316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743470033813731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706521728753795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868365355054761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745020603151394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455335359002765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046654102550724934,0.0,0.06712619346816134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053086740286397,0.05454408748597385,0.055120361015655935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200609890693816,0.0,0.0,0.0662404096289422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174913263270065,0.04425127711038
suicidewatch,RMC94,2019/04/11,"Want to kill myself but don’t want to upset my mum doing it I think about suicide all the time and it’s bern getting worse lately. I’ve got no money, I’m not liked, my best friend/girl I was interested in and like has started seeing and sleeping with someone else, I’m useless at my degree and my future prospects, I’m sick of having knowing I’m not the favourite son, sick of having panic attacks and not being able to do anything because of my anxiety, sick of needing drugs to get a high so I don’t always feel down and shit.

After all these shit things the only thing currently stopping me from acting is the thought of upsetting my mum and brother who would be pretty devastated if I killed myself. I know they would have so many answers and I would only be able to write down so few answers. Don’t know if this is normal or not.. 

I really don’t know what to do tbh",3.610481306403095,4.7157465586592195,4.810167597765363,85.10057155135368,72.24022346368716,6.848474430597338,26.618392780403948,7.010146845296331,1.2213494628276749,690,23,138,6,13,228,108,179,0.353,0.5760000000000001,0.071,-0.9972,1,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,1,1,4,13,5,3,5,0,20,7,3,0,2,37,39,15,3,9,8,4,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,9,0,1,1,9,9,0,0,3,2,17,4,19,30,4,13,0,1,1,0,7,5,2,3,9,93,25,0,0.2742615774602466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141038015419075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490467803506986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284695482445325,0.0,0.0,0.15600606902394812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359365600791928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391030247492478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590281787829167,0.0,0.1145551777455392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693374471011295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594690720526403,0.0,0.14329035449381655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967601888343488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448862072961216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034298002264423,0.0,0.3014539808245157,0.0,0.15468950268430826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399035325969394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902909624397158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168074226547168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435905733222372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085882883585221,0.0,0.16089343409579449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395113115469884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784949469504537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927548423484013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815255680181724,0.0,0.0,0.1372298229457393,0.0,0.11619047228480413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706187807147737,0.0,0.0,0.11464747968863445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999882564310585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220720538210702,0.0878678723197002,0.0,0.10886652859397533,0.0799620656851257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617665842585014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974798912703107,0.2922413335180223,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PotatoFacade,2019/04/11,"Was sent to the hospital, then abandoned by my friends and boyfriend. Monday I wasn't feeling *particularly* suicidal, but I did hurt myself. I got caught and rushed to the hospital for stitches. 

Boyfriend and his roommates were there, telling me they want to help me find a therapist and that maybe I should stay at the hospital for a couple days and that they'd be texting me ""to the point it gets annoying"" until they know I'm starting to feel better. 

Like I said, that was Monday... I haven't heard a peep.

I'm feeling much worse than I did Monday and I've been alone for a few days now against doctors orders. Part of me thinks I should go back to the hospital, but a bigger part just wants this to be over.",3.2433333333333323,5.182547428571431,3.710000000000001,89.24333333333334,74.71428571428572,6.9523809523809526,26.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.4408095238095244,560,21,115,8,12,175,85,140,0.13,0.755,0.115,-0.2721,0,1,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,3,1,4,6,1,0,10,0,13,1,0,0,0,20,30,10,1,4,3,0,3,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,5,6,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,12,5,18,3,17,13,4,20,0,2,0,0,10,4,0,0,11,79,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129891081110395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202691825686614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335676321759565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437282033471615,0.0,0.2382391820427307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890536262882234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28017753736477913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881723110272426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270280006555605,0.0,0.09650085759010144,0.0,0.1049722369395106,0.0,0.14772564303728275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238040201231783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773076548286464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150916220523104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023764400638072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556122641776066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357795941737635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000355225217647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460614135706692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569696778399718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307353102208652,0.1968711959853504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203753927752974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144050945937774,0.0,0.0,0.2144570045004733,0.0,0.11835165128068008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178878566601695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882304059458884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway37373831,2019/04/11,"What’s the point of living if i’m on a sex offenders list? Is anyone else here on a sex offenders list, how hard is life. I am close to being put on one and from what i’ve been told your life is ruined. I don’t see the point in living my life if it’s going to be ruled by this small mistake.",2.7621641791044773,2.178559507462687,4.679813432835825,91.34419776119404,73.32835820895522,7.894029850746268,21.227611940298512,7.1686216300943375,0.2532119402985073,225,3,58,2,4,78,47,67,0.183,0.8170000000000001,0.0,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,4,0,8,5,0,1,0,6,12,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,2,4,0,9,8,0,10,0,1,1,2,2,8,0,2,0,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684427340698488,0.24448797228402785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933115955616684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356096859592802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375104041522067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505619818635291,0.0,0.0,0.4214006038933672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169084400018266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511342177005897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398727118895884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901442554781467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280056518866844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jlzbean,2019/04/11,"I dont know what to do anymore I was dating this girl for a year and 6 months. I know its not that long of a period, but she was my first girlfriend ever, and she was honestly everything I had ever wanted. We met in high school, and she liked the same games I did, she introduces me to anime, she lived a closed-in lifestyle, and she matched my wavelength. We had enough differences for us to have substantial conversations, though, like music taste or religious differences. It was great.

Nearly two weeks ago, my grandfather had a huge heart attack, so I went up to his city to be with him. I wasn't texting her as much, because I had shit to do, and I was one of the ones that had to make the decision to pull the plug on him. He died two days ago. I broke down crying as I texted her, and the only thing I asked was for her not to leave me too.

The next day (yesterday) she calls me and tells me that she had developed feelings for a friend she had met at her college two weeks ago. When she noticed it, she decided to ""let them go away on their own"", but when they didnt, she noticed she didnt feel the same way about me anymore. So she dropped it on me right then that we were done. 

I havent found it in myself to do anything since. I've been sleeping constantly because I cant focus on anything while I'm awake. I cant keep any food down because it either comes back up or goes straight through me, if I even eat at all. I cant play any video games because they all remind me of her, and I cant watch any shows because they remind me of her. We share the same friend group, so nobody there can really help me. Hell, my parents cant even help me because they are grieving my grandfather worse than I am. She pulled me out of a depressive period before we got together, and she's truly been the light of my life since, and now she's gone. And its all because I wasnt good enough.

What do I do, because I can't bear living in a world where she isnt by my side",5.839319396051103,4.539586351219512,6.2130662020905945,85.29199186991872,67.1951219512195,9.760743321718934,30.2555168408827,8.704169506293173,1.9496736353077817,1524,44,348,20,21,493,200,410,0.107,0.78,0.112,-0.1797,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,6,0,6,1,16,15,3,0,16,0,42,7,3,1,5,45,59,26,2,2,8,1,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,15,19,3,1,7,5,0,6,15,6,0,6,28,5,81,9,44,29,11,56,1,3,1,0,57,23,2,3,27,250,96,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317020070810021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777507445929853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281577100824885,0.0,0.0,0.14339837396606706,0.0,0.08145322164595115,0.09912104700420553,0.08185992865300246,0.06699630318134935,0.0,0.4249009417777155,0.0,0.07413978657002163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896776051498949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505333640911584,0.0,0.09415476553071844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570637287712667,0.11238112229503253,0.0,0.07504349794295874,0.0,0.09042544470699146,0.18206110889218685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916252594073955,0.10211374703712724,0.0,0.0,0.08915402724268236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005369948723968,0.0,0.11509487278375405,0.15762511481694155,0.0,0.0,0.07830531970319231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810939723386843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741113080351277,0.10535591544059744,0.09553171030568718,0.13463025425544325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049517034502604924,0.07307910454402679,0.06968448016794956,0.09605928499475412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324748365584707,0.11680055821870715,0.092055858169565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744365783287706,0.0,0.0,0.09576689672991126,0.0,0.0,0.0922563149661933,0.0,0.08909461459518618,0.06154131205662896,0.08513299634211959,0.0,0.1538718130257454,0.07710582512786211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058158832950434475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954499710509693,0.0,0.06404934338330094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266196121114692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839234911550535,0.0,0.0,0.1180808147216928,0.06626501668899176,0.0,0.0,0.09674569305616644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05581663551580543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440711278577802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817851562598951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943597269966234,0.14414690023635626,0.0,0.08719124721035924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615399566672694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578841870774025,0.0,0.0856031361288876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553351374397596,0.0,0.10480464615689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139054301642354,0.06915840824175011,0.13977817231001088,0.0,0.0,0.08076882941307527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879120591697795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610778415544028
suicidewatch,whatthefuckdoitype,2019/04/11,"Almost a year later Last year on the 19th of this month, I gave myself a year for shit to get better. And it did. I still don't feel like it did. Doesn't even matter to me anymore. After being put on meds for a year and some, and never knocking the faulty screws out if myself I really stopped trying, fuck it. I would have done it a lot sooner were I more dedicated, but Im just too fed up and gone that I really can't put the effort in. Doesn't even matter much now to be honest. The sun will still shine every day and I wont care to see a glimpse of it. Ill just waddle my ass thru this shitriver until I keel over and die. Ya ok.",0.5333444816053508,2.2045050434782683,2.6586956521739147,94.90821070234115,81.89855072463769,5.11571906354515,14.963210702341135,5.873414542411696,-0.8405424749163877,488,6,115,3,13,165,92,138,0.199,0.713,0.08900000000000001,-0.9312,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,8,8,3,0,9,1,14,6,2,0,1,20,22,9,1,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,7,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,3,0,0,7,3,13,5,17,10,4,24,0,0,2,3,2,6,4,4,16,82,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699437749927766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683104063166118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500979932670284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730344478664218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945130901791894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613604651010215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367605840308406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418862225563588,0.0,0.1429911283794591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581235591071312,0.12124351512799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568975989560937,0.08866841376826043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833199400907496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383393327886475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291355078124688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428453530693786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851368315570327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546387174915586,0.0,0.1247591113503294,0.0,0.1308936830046644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34121832670183017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744590897188465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352398615397374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420869422482346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710671912568768,0.1418882687872581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522447524582215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055975701505856,0.0,0.0,0.4371602843250294
suicidewatch,Shotaro-Hidari,2019/04/11,"We need to help  Saw this on reddit and didn’t know how to help so I Came here. This person needs us!

https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/bc6km9/a_part_of_me_wished_id_find_a_reason_not_to_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app",24.76375,33.17445120833334,8.67166666666667,47.14000000000002,36.91666666666667,4.866666666666667,12.166666666666668,6.42735559955562,-1.0519833333333333,215,1,21,1,3,43,21,24,0.0,0.778,0.222,0.69,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613721240067693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814615584719919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471069879537661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832955655161078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946062839753094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912194938443227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40118720647746015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brunovonpuppendorf,2019/04/11,"Whenever I close my bedroom door and sink into another depressive episode, my dog whines to be let in I think he knows how I'm feeling sometimes",5.251071428571431,6.655196250000002,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,68.64285714285714,9.885714285714286,39.0,10.125756701596842,4.329014285714285,117,7,21,3,2,38,25,28,0.187,0.7609999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,4,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769532495293575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917644028284709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299874495265435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24997542849513324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651182239485532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498614547493863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29145157047183273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zompokenator03,2019/04/11,"I am heavily contemplating it I feel as if no one in the world would care if I went. Not my parents, not my siblings, not my friends. I feel as if life for everyone would be better if I just left it.",0.5943023255813955,2.2314804651162845,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,81.55813953488372,7.090697674418602,24.703488372093023,8.07648339933343,1.2684465116279076,152,6,37,3,4,53,28,43,0.106,0.758,0.136,0.3283,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,8,6,0,6,8,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,8,3,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,0,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27159965522047896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131027627942951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934414425964789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105518704376497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726003462235115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336584901713015,0.0,0.21690954845196486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809481749880568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409915046363565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28467918104935513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363014817993226,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thehumanelmomo,2019/04/11,I don’t know how to continue. Hey all el momo here. I have cancer and depression and a lot of other stuff. Recently I’ve tried to help people on this sub by talking to them and trying to comfort them. I feel like I’m not worth anything if i don’t do this and I feel like I can never help enough.  I can’t really interact with folks my age because I have a very weakened immune system. If anyone wants to talk I really need it. Thanks.,1.0364371980676346,2.9707608804347814,3.53144927536232,87.95074879227055,81.5,6.697584541062803,20.004830917874393,7.793537801064563,0.8057859903381646,339,9,72,6,9,118,62,92,0.129,0.6779999999999999,0.193,0.6349,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,2,17,14,7,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,12,4,9,14,3,6,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,3,6,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892448817091636,0.0,0.17526900653393146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298340488127408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834441907187303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220071066073282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538384421482987,0.3043139195660528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855195248789318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117051319233655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810801795661896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810727461409722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792612842965387,0.1642676298172949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765740210285405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728880665616682,0.0,0.21029759156479647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438175629910801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423795253781247,0.0,0.1960885308729139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28920649203366505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573543095370994,0.12562442893333264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,davsan12,2019/04/11,"I cannot stop telling jokes, for when I stop, I want to die. I have been suicidal for longer than I remember now. I have done extensive research and preparation over the years and have had plenty of tools and opportunities to say good bye for good. I am currently also taking strong meds that holds most of it at bay.  Most, is the key word. 

I have been told by people I have an excessive, dramatic personality, and that I am goofing around too much, even in more serious situations. They say the personality I am displaying is not real, and they cannot take me seriously. 

And they are right, this is not real. The real me, is obsessed with death. I want it, crave it, and cannot stop wishing for the sweet freedom it brings to me, that I will be finally free from all the pain and suffering.  Every moment I am awake, I think of death. 

The only relief, is thinking jokes, listening to comedy, and telling jokes. Like someone addicted to pain killers due to chronic pain, I HAVE TO think of funny thoughts, have to make funny comments, just for the temporary relief from the incessant thought of death that has been tormenting me for I don't know how long. 

I know my jokes have been annoying people, and I know I need to tone it down when I am supposed to be working, etc. But the shrieking sound of laughter from the jokes is the only thing that is holding back the shrieking cry of agony. Without jokes, what am I supposed to do with the pain?  

I smile, I try. But the truth is, I want to die.",4.741206896551724,5.7794746724137935,5.405000000000001,82.13750000000002,69.51724137931035,8.972413793103447,29.67241379310345,9.255337874911486,2.413365517241379,1165,44,234,23,20,377,142,290,0.201,0.628,0.171,-0.9234,1,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,3,3,10,25,1,1,16,0,38,6,0,2,2,48,57,16,6,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,2,13,13,0,5,9,6,1,1,7,9,0,0,9,5,33,17,38,45,6,20,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,2,15,167,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277888344830338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273121170846202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209497527694806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954886063659422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136381047388283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21473546322481266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058681899338159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537728116514626,0.06832963581795194,0.0,0.08716349321443614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133275472065206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354269494792748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056495268729066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050541839922596164,0.0,0.0,0.0915525222453382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905558482291016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491280143594505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604975272847521,0.07670898200905249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573611177740816,0.4403245317651582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344236908785574,0.1806620873025923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532559971268358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719191911977753,0.0883481739185716,0.0,0.1645397270515099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628534484799137,0.0,0.0,0.08765526932177932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594736602293196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316063357990705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556734595697536,0.0,0.1808447123362681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872948076580873,0.1988652389854091,0.0,0.16426002401713513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885363745211996,0.0,0.07023769852052536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305752483326976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189656790497052,0.09972486163109044,0.0,0.07531491141461086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666202475430277
suicidewatch,JamesDoesntLift,2019/04/11,"Why not? I've been in a bad place for a while. Everything I tried to do to help myself just ended up making things work. I work double shifts all the time, so I have no freetime. I'm shit at everything I do; everytime I show somebody a hobby they get better than me in a week. I hate myself. I hate how I look, how I talk, the way I present myself. I tried to ask someone I had feelings for out on a date, because fuck it I'd I get rejected my life isnt going to get worse, and she said yes. Dumped me in 5 days, gave me some bs excuse that's really her saying she doesnt want to date me. My family hates me, never shows interest in anything I do. My ""friends"" cant hardly stand me, even the ones I'd consider my best friends I'm probably their 5th choice. I ain't talented, I work a dead-end job while I try to save for anything meaningful. History of depression in my family, idk if it was ever diagnosed by I'll take it as a sign that things arent getting better. I don't know what to do and I'm scared if I kill myself I'll have to live out a miserable existence until I die anyways",0.7666963249516456,2.4716833659574458,3.3886750483559,89.79295454545453,81.29787234042553,7.1663442940038715,21.74564796905223,8.150884317080207,1.0741063829787234,841,26,192,17,22,295,139,235,0.239,0.659,0.103,-0.9866,2,1,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,2,6,7,20,7,2,11,1,15,4,1,3,3,21,36,11,2,3,4,0,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,9,12,0,1,5,5,40,8,26,31,4,26,0,3,1,1,14,11,2,3,12,121,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641023507422728,0.0,0.11156504755639793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964235867822123,0.07274741995816662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523801099760906,0.21108976649872102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696322502616385,0.0,0.10278576154048054,0.12112569584061945,0.1238541439514124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113963338570909,0.0,0.0,0.07882171322474242,0.10794817611433853,0.0,0.0,0.21450684307070245,0.0,0.2250027473162124,0.0,0.060340947195983076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844006954546908,0.11032618360503774,0.2493970019286804,0.0,0.0678226127524757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690352932366044,0.3534651075065047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998983692090478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842468565555625,0.0,0.13202996590318072,0.0,0.06558511850176946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429205459944163,0.0,0.0,0.1053777603323304,0.0,0.10021397803720204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965913235627499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204092733091084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086660934778818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468295213671893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866669462843133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764510656536874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351789535231935,0.09490247551066372,0.1194782926928555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249888151583647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111481523956327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972742634560804,0.09591947314869544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856590945227148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958702670651545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24306828204532524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038872446933349,0.0947250575054346,0.0957258542141894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768410574579282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606387526293392,0.0,0.12161575577422196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RudeOriginal,2019/04/11,"It's kind of fucked that this sub has up/down votes Imagine coming in here, pouring out your darkest pain, and getting downvoted.

Suicide is not a popularity contest.",7.1080000000000005,8.490045133333332,7.173333333333336,70.35000000000002,64.33333333333334,8.666666666666668,41.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,4.092666666666668,134,8,21,2,2,43,30,30,0.453,0.547,0.0,-0.9598,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37478214180162656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022236404547069,0.2273108856764235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530679570924485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4629548645476918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4759059467443663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IfPunkIsDeadThenIam,2019/04/11,"I'm a failure and I have nobody left to say goodbye to I'm 16 and my parents kicked me out of the house in November of last year. My mom called me an ""agent of satan"" before locking the front behind me as I stumbled out into one of Utah's first snowy nights. I had nothing but my guitar, a phone, a thin jacket and a backpack with a couple extra outfits. I thought I was going to die that first night, and almost every day since I've wished that I did.

My dad found me a few days later to pick me up so I can live with my brother in Arizona. When I got there my brother said I had to help pay for rent and food and get a job so that I could. ""That's fine"" I thought, ""I'll be able to get a job easily"". And so I tried. For months I applied at place after place and I never even got an interview. I started playing my guitar in the streets to try and make some money that way, but it wasn't enough. It was never even close to enough.

My brother couldn't afford to have me living with him. I understand, but it still hurts so fucking much. The thought that I don't have anyone left. That nobody will even know if I die. The fact that I'm back out on the streets and I'll probably never sleep in a house again. The crushing loneliness that I've been dealing with for the last three years. The fact that I finally made a fucking friend for the first time since middle school and then he got fucking arrested.

It's all too much. I'm hopeless. I don't want to do anything but cry and then stop existing. Nobody will ever care about me. I'll never be in love. Hell, I'll probably never even have a friend again. 

So I'm not asking for someone to change my mind. I don't want any advice. I don't have anyone left to say goodbye to. I'm just.. Done.",1.3798521803399844,3.048894533875341,2.969283074648932,93.69033259423506,79.27100271002709,5.556738112835674,21.479921162848,6.273863323946077,0.16067046070460744,1349,38,304,10,33,444,173,369,0.14800000000000002,0.794,0.059,-0.9872,5,0,0,0,0,1,43.0,0,0,0,3,19,12,4,0,23,0,25,6,1,3,9,55,56,26,2,6,7,6,1,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,14,21,1,1,6,3,3,2,12,6,0,5,17,4,39,6,42,33,8,56,2,2,0,4,20,22,4,3,31,199,53,6,0.08094395507741266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909749609151641,0.0,0.0,0.08105367867994266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504466513913223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319579086164992,0.0,0.06660997815676421,0.0,0.07567167136663294,0.0,0.0,0.062240905082363636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887734396688358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265282821075791,0.0,0.08252775683323718,0.0,0.08562797168647672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462716165974394,0.08956294671452589,0.08891313381722282,0.1044043093972061,0.08344966344767214,0.0,0.0,0.16801409193590144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283376918513707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672734865560981,0.0,0.2138508757120373,0.0732184414964039,0.06819877323687634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867014627803882,0.0,0.2065526605158258,0.09787775177764196,0.08875086879640544,0.12507419780529386,0.2244941464666581,0.08457975137881055,0.0,0.04600231502467038,0.0,0.194214825739278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425502686304506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679691283179015,0.08665217803306885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064877111433912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448468084324289,0.13196025366772382,0.0,0.0,0.26383753209127503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429499905907157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305507972036678,0.076591127437204,0.054030718554285005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173032010038417,0.09480058189478999,0.06460869269241391,0.0,0.11900624102547565,0.0,0.3121448409612323,0.0,0.0,0.15192083709251414,0.0,0.07766790796731815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484971880647748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898786830422106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691384100265254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745425479576236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699623725782137,0.12873976386004854,0.0,0.08191960392985963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339153521835754,0.0,0.0810024118337267,0.0,0.06858355046402925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729254802004308,0.0,0.06464194708439105,0.06767277087510021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927813764118356,0.04719907113968305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991126439361304,0.0,0.0,0.08426551187748284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548568378043816,0.06424954390946784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308155363303082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425050643608272
suicidewatch,Overlord3746,2019/04/11,"I plan on killing myself before the end of 2019  When I was a kid, I was diagnosed on the autism spectrum with aspergers syndrome, because of this, I've dealt with so much abuse and bullying for it. My friends have turned against me for it, not because I hurt them, but because I'm an inferior human being because of my disorder (or so they say). I've always been insecure about my diagnosis, I hate myself for it, it's one the reasons why I was so isolated as a kid, and why I'm so shy and awkward a lot. Recently some guys in another server attacked me for being on the spectrum and nobody gave a shit, even after I reported them, it wasn't even the first time someone on that server had previously said shit about me, one time I was venting because I lost my friends because they knew about my diagnosis, and they said they were right for leaving me because people with my disorder are ""burdens"". My peers don't think of me as normal, but just rather a complete joke who isn't even human. My mom sometimes vents on social media about how she wishes she had a normal and better son. I hate myself so much, I feel so alone and like nobody will ever truly love me, because all I am is a sick monster that should've been aborted according to everyone. I'd be happy if 2019 is my last year of suffering, yet the only way that can happen is if it's my last year ever.",6.800349322210636,5.713277032846719,7.589572471324298,75.50795620437955,65.16788321167883,10.310323253388948,35.26485922836289,9.424239791934726,3.1509924921793537,1073,43,208,17,14,361,143,274,0.217,0.674,0.11,-0.9883,0,1,0,0,1,1,28.0,0,0,6,4,20,20,6,2,14,0,23,5,2,2,3,31,38,22,1,6,8,2,1,1,2,1,2,3,0,5,11,10,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,13,0,3,15,4,39,7,28,19,5,22,0,4,0,1,24,7,2,5,15,152,50,1,0.0,0.1182100569803654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333068818813536,0.0,0.0,0.08301587499934854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461658962023934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350174271341207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4865464886614298,0.0,0.08489614702860075,0.0,0.0,0.08823765222651048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046059924066879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012635259639024,0.0,0.0,0.2286880408626845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836580047547833,0.0,0.0,0.19768962848697946,0.18049370711717225,0.0,0.09533364075758703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044624949859565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486353676631962,0.0,0.0,0.1541627024913713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987870845171714,0.08822547656516333,0.10620605122758958,0.0,0.19700264172085652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680487404074256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037971577758587,0.0,0.0,0.1626502482832806,0.0,0.1056410605159982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048742137715893655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089097470246812,0.08482011232107464,0.09004549873625196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684835209102425,0.0,0.0,0.14668352107592172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550504992466225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521223450518047,0.07587888851511818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916732472622629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257924077180283,0.0985099398862066,0.0,0.0,0.08520225750945598,0.18980650247001066,0.07934038459979642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204823073796832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170202277284046,0.08453402597430515,0.0,0.0986741808425054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392800420651967,0.0,0.0,0.1163523170990596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852012022248622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919205956723997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005217080341251,0.0,0.11472952944700948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849604546974253
suicidewatch,murmurations_x,2019/04/11,"Help me figure this out asap I'm taking my life regardless, you cannot change my mind there. I have decided to go by short drop hanging.

I'm just looking for information to make this easier on my family, with finding me etc. Would it be better to do it in a park overnight so a stranger finds me and not my parents.

Should I get rid of anything before I go or anything?",0.7645906432748539,3.1317127105263154,2.919122807017544,89.17441520467838,86.36842105263159,6.0093567251462,22.91812865497076,7.3871296695380915,1.1055953216374266,290,11,60,5,9,98,58,76,0.028,0.8540000000000001,0.118,0.775,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,16,14,3,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,11,1,10,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,0,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901610285648068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172094414808275,0.0,0.0,0.2096606635227558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507784751744531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26438501542309684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234794517954327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333378305240459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385427719270785,0.0,0.2694537821968197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588965923084248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744277460861534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907103483069094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823966099810752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393634305077353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322752530611737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782399218668269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684009099638765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Is_this_how_it_ends_,2019/04/11,"Is this really how it ends I’ve felt this way for years now but never spoke to anyone. I suppose I’ve always been in denial of how I felt and got to the point were it was perhaps normal.

I always come up with plans in my head for how I’m going to fix this mess and can sometimes feel motivated for a couple of days. Now though, it’s like I get an hour at most at the best times. I woke up this morning with enough time to get to sixth form for 9, sat in bed for 2 hours and showed up an hour late to lesson then walked home after 2 hours of being there.

I think I’ve finally realised after all these years that there is truly only one way out of here. It makes me heart broken like a genuinely physical pain because I have dreams and things I want to do in life but of course they’re not coming true. Perhaps in another life they’ll be different.",4.9446666666666665,4.245575244444449,5.721111111111113,86.105,68.77777777777779,8.755555555555556,25.222222222222214,7.908726449838941,1.0988222222222221,664,13,150,7,10,218,114,180,0.081,0.7859999999999999,0.134,0.8789,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,4,9,6,0,0,6,0,11,5,2,5,3,28,27,11,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,2,0,11,9,0,0,6,2,0,4,2,2,0,1,9,4,11,4,32,15,5,36,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,1,20,94,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862624906131384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377563783941276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185927840770554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008395518540598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786819197174818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263329614420003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536207741716398,0.0,0.08472492175617981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372571557457714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635776592974473,0.13574375561865515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642629682079301,0.0,0.2522779744060909,0.1439130482044431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727427266366515,0.0,0.07466248402142359,0.0,0.10507124344869724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482692529549456,0.0,0.0,0.15567801416503135,0.0,0.0,0.13177814930792167,0.0,0.5175050196869937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819482472987286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855857191061708,0.12836473433713072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876927097812779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132320161774208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871795827577925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902196012900647,0.09991532811725516,0.13979047267748498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419024895722315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416111140721108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299315705397552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727859485471214,0.08417871744263955,0.12907361774806184,0.0,0.1532096762044584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748738662074271,0.2085560495358469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920021887670458
suicidewatch,slingitoverboard,2019/04/11,"closing thoughts I'm so isolated. So completely alone. I have nobody to express these feelings to. Nobody to listen and understand. Nobody to even nod along and pretend to give the slightest of fucks. So I'll shout them into this void and see how quickly the echos stop.

I hate it here. I stay in this room, this cell, because I can't face interaction with the people I'm now forced to share a building with. I can't face interaction with anyone. I feel like a different species. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. What do they expect? I can't work it out. Pulling on the mask of normality exacts a terrible cost. Every time I do it, I lose chunks of myself... Whoever that is. Just being around anyone makes me so uncomfortable I feel like I'm going to turn inside out. I've only ever been truly comfortable in the presence of one other human, and she doesn't want to be in my presence any more. 

I'm 35 years old and I've made no progress towards any kind of contentment. I spent the last 10 years drowning in a person whom I thought would be my partner in everything, for ever. It felt like love, but apparently only in one direction. Was I just using her as a shield against reality? Possibly... Probably, even, but it felt so good. The human brain is a bizarre construction. It can convince itself of anything - we could all create our own happiness, yet none of us know where the controls are. 

The person I was with her is already dead. All that's left is a bullshit approximation of how a human might act, made up of thousands of fragments of other people's conversations. There's no substance to it. No personality. All of that is gone. She was so woven in to every bit of my personality and self-worth that trying to unpick her just leaves nothing. This is a fraudulent shell. 

Now my shield is gone, the horror of existence floods back in to my skull with more weight and crushing force than it ever had before. With it comes panic and dread that cripples me worse than any crushed limb. If only I could find those controls. 

I hate this world. The only way to be happy in it is to become distracted enough to stop noticing how terrible it is. Our planet is on rails, headed for destruction, our economies are designed to crush the masses and enrich the few, our social landscapes obliterated by distracting technology and interpersonal fear, our relationships withered to pointless snatches of text and memes if we're lucky, or nothing at all if we happen to slip through the cracks... and slipping through those cracks is so easy now.

Feeling incompatible with this society is entirely natural for anyone who actually thinks about it. This is not how we're supposed to live. We've been railroaded into this hell by selfish fucks at the top taking one liberty at a time, slowly adding up to a social and financial prison that we never saw coming, but are all now trapped in just the same. None of us is clever enough to design our way out of this mess, and even if we were, the population as a whole is not educated or aware enough to vote for it. We vote for what we're presented with: more of the same, only slightly worse each time. We're sleepwalking into oblivion, blinded by tiny chunks of our own culture, sanitised, commodified and sold back to us as distraction. 

I can't relate to any other person. Especially not anybody of my own age. People are so wedded to this bland capitalist shitshow that we have nothing to say to each other. I watch as previously interesting people cease thinking critically or rationally and get onboard the grey train to nowhere. 

I'm not ready to give up thinking. But when thinking is anathema to the society I find myself in, what remains for me? I can't be happy in this place. 

Guess I'll die.",4.873003651538858,6.5780181887323925,5.658904538341157,77.90934793948878,69.92957746478874,8.41418883672405,29.90871152842984,8.94667605116694,2.5547929055816376,2974,119,536,56,54,970,328,710,0.17600000000000002,0.727,0.097,-0.9968,2,2,0,0,0,0,88.0,16,0,2,6,36,32,6,6,32,0,48,10,5,10,10,112,96,44,3,10,19,0,7,3,1,2,1,4,1,9,45,43,1,4,17,1,3,7,17,17,0,4,18,16,55,15,107,69,23,70,1,1,5,3,51,36,3,10,27,382,100,1,0.0,0.0,0.06365690928541715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675605592501657,0.0719850064424184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743967294119364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683495070350493,0.0,0.05368028267990033,0.05807020700879467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031858503874433,0.0,0.039764751221971636,0.07204349122431303,0.05550752900235825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121632276924385,0.0,0.0,0.07282035638228099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238298463452216,0.0683943896226358,0.0,0.14632621009270966,0.10416470332808166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770039713944924,0.06815343521720375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220592225803066,0.0,0.1292551331335407,0.17701792189416496,0.1099213519380558,0.0,0.05862621145204915,0.0,0.0,0.07340400540513269,0.13193280284723186,0.09320334238655964,0.12526567734842925,0.0,0.11924152098938655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061165184543142,0.03408096721128544,0.1251527348699179,0.037072783129315064,0.054713409663147805,0.0,0.0,0.0718602748878809,0.0,0.0576843398739623,0.2083216615268296,0.0,0.12880596153766186,0.06694673271301813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792896936811038,0.07169947532396632,0.05317269210570539,0.0,0.06907114675600255,0.07087463318130856,0.0,0.0,0.09560701106931613,0.0,0.057600948959472535,0.0,0.0,0.07297779288604331,0.0,0.0,0.058874322423024324,0.12344797237210528,0.04354278931853429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920072075599043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031085060690691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391339659469318,0.18777525696060016,0.07426693265413108,0.06844988941144678,0.0,0.1326084390922035,0.2480589374392159,0.0,0.07653556125672803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808943005134548,0.28478982639263645,0.06815343521720375,0.0,0.0,0.07353914830185193,0.0,0.0,0.07033100425273019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003463141015676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103750025257278,0.0,0.0,0.05198136620376128,0.0,0.06805108189274882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329913824418937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952850930841373,0.0,0.10907355236652656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049046258801654516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719183010087926,0.0,0.10357365935828856,0.11411170898648405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044288167521004236,0.07095355833474673,0.0,0.06790869210471928,0.23539777514634266,0.05633940385836121,0.0,0.0,0.03847545547270971,0.1035560669603572,0.0,0.07943486153172462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282906928014879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748958869409907,0.0,0.13295372607894407,0.0463388590278529,0.0,0.0,0.08401438958351316
suicidewatch,justsoldmysoul,2019/04/11,I don't want to do it because of my dog She loves me more than anything in the world and it wouldn't be fair to leave her. But realistically one day she's going to die and I'll probably crawl right into that grave with her,1.7086734693877546,3.0233696122448985,3.636479591836736,90.80941326530613,77.36734693877553,6.53265306122449,20.413265306122447,7.1686216300943375,0.15217959183673455,177,4,43,2,4,60,40,49,0.207,0.723,0.07,-0.6351,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,7,1,8,5,1,6,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004981384636889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226000520512975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355000068278923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789816725625097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20753061947266016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866550246297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295739777848479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24744398441045745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937076110469255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118473140549696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153826725361292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,my-life-is-painful,2019/04/11,Please talk with me. My thoughts won’t go away. I have no control over them anymore. I would prefer to talk on a chat,-1.1605999999999987,0.8678888400000027,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,100.6,2.5,18.25,3.1291,-1.1512000000000002,91,3,22,0,4,28,23,25,0.094,0.809,0.098,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427686893262758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247275441243471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38764959258618414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964275472864304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793941891476171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5556030970486938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27438889333265903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455232020521082,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vegetable_Candy,2019/04/11,"I don't want to stop being alive, but I do really really want to kill myself Recently I've had a really strong urge to kill myself. Not because my life is bad or I want it to end, I just have... an urge. An impulse. 

Like I could jump and it would all just end and no one would know why, not even me. And a large part of me really wants to do it. 

I don't know if this counts as suicidal honestly, it's not what the other posts are about... but it does scare me. 

More than jumping I want to stab myself in the stomach. And, this seems so gross outside of my head, pull out my intestines? I kind of want to feel my own organs in my hands. Again, I don't know why. I think about a moment when something went wrong, something forgettable, like using one word when I should have used a better one. Or a moment when a friend called me out on the bullshit I wasn't ready to face. Or something. I forgot to do a task that was important. Someone catcalled me out of their van. It could be anything.

The trigger is so small it's laughable. But the urge is so strong sometimes I physically move to do it then stop myself. 

​

Life is good to me, I don't want to stop being alive. I do want to end my life though. For seconds at a time. Then I snap back and realise that's not what I want at all

But a second is a long time. Long enough to die, or to irreversibly disembowel myself if I happen to cringe while holding a knife. 

I haven't had thoughts like this since I was a young teen, I'm twenty now, and my life is on track...

I don't know what to do other than maybe seek therapy or wait for it to pass.",0.5750869012293336,2.5869168605341244,2.2761220856295057,95.89345400593471,83.6587537091988,5.394455277660025,18.53064857990674,6.610729790773281,-0.13919781263247133,1230,30,286,13,35,403,152,337,0.188,0.679,0.133,-0.9737,1,0,3,0,0,4,50.0,0,0,1,3,15,16,2,1,19,0,34,9,5,3,2,60,58,28,4,16,17,0,2,3,1,3,4,0,0,0,19,9,0,6,8,0,0,6,12,6,0,5,8,2,41,10,38,42,6,40,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,8,26,200,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698243676583193,0.10876264085622993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365787982747189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882652169799983,0.0747358698335914,0.05456355892056456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916300618293054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913981997324893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293052899434444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289570523511508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832950317730375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23783392575232865,0.092486221374178,0.0,0.059119528860697004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525819375510501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915405534121348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507549425458546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915208270604526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186155785397453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980558163569513,0.09320934266230628,0.1967661522424496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528900401040691,0.1311880150482944,0.0,0.0,0.1584244352062202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992333237317167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513338425535582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195985533473136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969289973644974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572441330439659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293657824694653,0.0,0.08837885849765302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961363670112177,0.0,0.0,0.08148518880496121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740423671583932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584027285419281,0.2067240795892256,0.08852620838186795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22449937513771656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790778573218208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236078570446397,0.0,0.0,0.057353441128192885,0.08794165985910526,0.07105976136337377,0.10438626782891464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461323345468944,0.0,0.0,0.4751499620771415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297528857784225,0.16153502219178764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271685594492509,0.0978635080132877,0.10876264085622993,0.0
suicidewatch,random2569,2019/04/11,"Can it be done? I'm so done with this life. I just want to ask if it is possible to overdose from Tylenol or Advil pills? Which have Acetaminophen  or Ibuprofen. 

​

Any tips to commit suicide would be appreciated.",2.8885365853658564,5.831327121951222,2.8616585365853666,89.15102439024393,82.65853658536584,5.231219512195122,27.71219512195122,6.742157984588678,1.3387229268292682,176,8,33,2,5,53,34,41,0.096,0.75,0.153,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,8,11,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29520681256791104,0.3310648154898489,0.18527995664815405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547103148845523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576357717803475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244428465318586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071540875489541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980235011146096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070207082413213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354548279968775,0.0,0.3310648154898489,0.0
suicidewatch,ckrikelis,2019/04/11,"I tried to hang myself and I’m not handling it well Yesterday I tried to hang myself from a bridge with a belt and when I jumped I instantly regretted it. I fought with all my strength to hold on to the rail, but the belt was chocking me. I tried screaming for help but my voice was too hoarse for anyone to hear me. Eventually my arms gave out and I started to dangle and suffocate. I saw people in my life that had died and I saw all the great memories of my life flash before my eyes. Right as I was about to “go out” my leg began to swing up and reached a ledge. It was my last strength. I pulled myself up with my remaining core strength and leg strength so that I was parallel with the bridge. This gave me room to breath again. I swung my arm up and around the rail so that I could attempt to take the belt off and I knew I only had one shot at this. I was successful, but my body gave out after the belt was free and I dropped into the water. The next day (or today) I have been reliving the moments that seemed to be my final moments and other PTSD symptoms and I’m not sure how I can deal with it. Anyone have anything that could help?",2.1528151260504167,3.7252533151260536,3.1316722689075647,93.80523949579836,76.77310924369748,6.440672268907564,22.40420168067227,7.1686216300943375,0.5009825210084031,891,25,203,10,20,284,119,238,0.062,0.7829999999999999,0.155,0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,6,9,12,1,0,13,0,16,11,7,1,3,38,31,21,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,12,22,1,1,2,0,1,5,2,3,1,1,18,6,38,10,35,10,2,33,0,1,3,0,8,14,0,2,13,142,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419069219212095,0.0,0.1423499466056645,0.15399119480004111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719545790798616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214468039897897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762250721622846,0.0,0.0,0.11155947111344564,0.17833747232403932,0.0,0.0,0.17952863578327144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949399080254029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831000202533163,0.0,0.0,0.1907139350578313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496397024354264,0.0,0.23189319050269255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100391250288127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443654622576593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396896514188127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721749142541787,0.13156106762735778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199243592517494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022074108350424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477262013395431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747686877097064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243797967268068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630340600675742,0.17979516267929865,0.1300613926207455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639672852465726,0.0,0.0,0.3523315061214232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553213819786815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RussianMountains,2019/04/11,"What should I try before giving up? I'm feeling suicidal, but I don't want to make a bad decision or rush anything, so I'm giving myself until Good Friday to make a serious attempt at feeling better. If I can't find a sense of hope by then, I need to stop feeling the relentless stress of existence. I'm most interested in hearing from people who have been suicidal, but now feel okay about their lives.

Thanks.",4.334444444444447,5.74472188888889,5.69969135802469,78.24361111111115,70.85185185185185,8.85679012345679,29.549382716049386,9.2995712137729,2.713804938271604,327,13,60,7,6,110,61,81,0.218,0.473,0.309,0.7619,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,3,9,0,1,4,1,5,0,0,2,0,18,21,7,2,5,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,5,6,6,12,19,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,4,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598758967008219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221569550125656,0.0,0.0,0.1653179813865201,0.0,0.0,0.17182488321240508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929352474768507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756841190486294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727421822869859,0.0,0.1629528570781999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189676941248561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296388922620689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155281056599392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593668341378624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440561676846844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468929865325285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242678987858547,0.2225470981144464,0.0,0.0,0.4250216018866856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788669333273404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190337573069416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459138509669692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway67868780908,2019/04/11,"I'm tired of being incompetent and not having a stable career. I got into a ""relationship"" with a guy I met online and got into a car accident moving for him. I lost almost everything and my insurance refused to total my car. I stayed with him until I got my car back weeks later. Before I left him he sexually assaulted me and took my virginity. He used me for money and to make himself feel better. The police couldn't do anything and I was briefly homeless. 

He lied to me how he wasn't attracted to certain girls and ""rejected"" them or didn't try, when in reality he was mad they didn't like him. 

I got tested a month later and got negative test results for HIV, but I'm still afraid he gave me something because he lied about a lot of things. Fast forward later I took a job and later was encouraged to quit because I had difficulty concentrating on my job. 

I know people live successful lives, but I feel like he ruined my life. I end of up job hopping because I'm in pain.",3.630935374149658,5.064277229591841,5.700897959183674,77.46314965986397,72.62244897959185,8.491972789115646,27.862585034013605,9.029198982220553,2.372552789115645,771,29,146,16,15,269,111,196,0.208,0.74,0.052000000000000005,-0.9725,3,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,4,5,14,2,1,8,0,11,5,0,4,2,30,29,15,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,13,0,1,3,0,1,7,6,7,0,0,17,2,30,7,21,10,2,27,0,3,0,2,22,8,0,3,15,91,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812930596109073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529676641834622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839015453060274,0.0,0.2340021053580284,0.0,0.10888100851990047,0.0,0.0,0.11316655584633367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333090854166834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499847215913457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939665022967878,0.09141168863815806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116899326183978,0.0,0.0,0.12669641400035098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809293276063732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032119177282692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902441124574336,0.0,0.09037900474713648,0.12502553526096932,0.0,0.2259747290910475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396789313618626,0.1087834924849835,0.0,0.0,0.08541152704834226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021331429807258,0.13599682429071067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615405166488145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870847896404344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609680257617382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737670251784045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850666881597196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638391674873054,0.10218571138025538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500818464576726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706643267311162,0.0,0.0,0.2843273268297121,0.08687362654857818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051277586591406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263846899403054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IDontregretsuicide,2019/04/11,"My life is meaningless. I can't wait to kill myself. I don't think I have depression, at least not anymore, but it doesn't matter, I still want to die. What's the difference then? **It's not an emotional reaction anymore, it's because life has no meaning to me.** 

Let me explain: I repeat the same actions over and over again every single day. I sleep for 11 hours (I do this because being awake sucks, and I wish I could sleep 20 hours instead), I read my feeds (news about stuff), then I browse reddit and youtube, and that's about it. Sometimes I have a few episodes to watch from a new series, sometimes I play new games, but that's all I do.

But you may ask, if you are that bored, why not do something new? I don't really like most of the stuff I can do, even if I force myself to do it. I am not a social person, for me socializing is like a job (I still talk a little bit with a few people, but that's the extent of it). There is NOTHING I want to do. Usually, I tell myself there's going to be something amazing in the future that I will want to do (like news about science or new technologies like AI in videogames), but I doubt anything will make me satisfied. Why? **It's because I have anhedonia and I can't feel emotions anymore. I asked my psychiatrist, and he says there is no treatment from neither of those.**

The thing is, **boredom hurts, at least to me. It makes me feel emotional pain because I get tired of not doing anything** after months and months and months (it's not because of one day or a few days).

If I really want to, I can just survive like this for the next 20 years until my parents die. The question is, how do you expect me to want to live just for the sake of it? **Living life like this is meaningless and pointless.** I don't really give a shit about what my parents will think anymore (understandable, I don't feel any emotions) because if I do I am a prisoner here.

**I also have a mental disability that makes me unable to work.** Which is a good thing (honestly), because I don't want to work anyways. I receive 392 € / month, so as you can see, my future is grim (I won't be able to survive with that money). 

What do you think?",0.553719001160438,2.9009417243735807,2.3702179051876087,92.82226887866936,87.33712984054671,5.135531009584391,21.2670735376284,6.638412140308013,0.4311963811406714,1663,57,355,20,53,548,188,439,0.182,0.7559999999999999,0.062,-0.9935,3,0,2,0,0,2,90.0,0,5,0,4,19,19,3,1,21,0,49,9,3,4,1,62,76,27,3,13,19,2,3,6,0,5,5,1,0,1,29,11,1,1,10,3,1,3,18,9,0,1,0,6,59,10,42,66,12,36,0,3,2,0,21,7,2,10,32,256,88,4,0.06948004462278289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556316658239075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047248812915743885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756221376835016,0.0,0.0,0.11435231328215707,0.0,0.12990892521142364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964807321811282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585421355429148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055474161988605684,0.0,0.0,0.1344266425230487,0.0,0.0598430606234962,0.0,0.14421863366817733,0.0725918585571367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126227937691664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04589091419144085,0.0,0.058539934244447124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539359460910162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630045563231627,0.06665158989243873,0.039487110527384184,0.058276564971200824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684769652850626,0.0,0.07437982478915207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894822334135134,0.0,0.07686937505006923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104805304384165,0.14722743085831458,0.20366664138046212,0.0696372577746831,0.12270430467068795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913540792128815,0.0,0.0,0.07568413736725449,0.0,0.0,0.07001954309886534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218332349584554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684170402169834,0.07389281569025018,0.0,0.0,0.06666797670272613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708147639408584,0.0,0.07393166618602252,0.0,0.15429873428935895,0.0,0.0,0.0481687145879558,0.060667294994360764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783355123272655,0.0,0.06949884690960807,0.0,0.13353208717073187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055253320208829004,0.0,0.0,0.05536659995265582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132026735021656,0.0,0.0,0.13906044456013664,0.14165231132917375,0.0,0.1069782656769512,0.13743508146414607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109737067735738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590760562761014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584542801047928,0.06072862145724395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231890866941693,0.13356002133911746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985709036642727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233117679769663,0.0,0.0,0.07652245308522816,0.0,0.2458867829064022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538986668488186,0.0,0.07989862237143927,0.0,0.0,0.10116459997744713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044742870744328055
suicidewatch,urdumlol,2019/04/11,"So torn about whether to let anyone know how I'm feeling or try to fight it alone First off, 31M bipolar, medicated on lamictal. I'm the laziest fuck on the planet so the doctor wrote me a prescription for Adderral on top last week. I finally started to get work done, which made me feel like I might be able to get myself to a place where I can get enough work done that society will let me live (we all know they will let you die in the streets like a rat here in America if you don't want to work). Went great for a few days, but now I'm anxious and not getting any work done and I've already missed so many deadlines and I feel like I'm so close to being let go. 

​

My problems is twofold: if I don't tell tell the doctor that I'm having some suicidal thoughts, he won't take the medication away and there is a chance I can dig myself out of this hole (I've literally never shown the capability to do this on my own, I feel medication is the only shot), but obviously if the meds are the reason I feel this way I'm playing a risky game. 

​

Secondly, I've got a mom and a brother and a girlfriend, I'm worried if I let them in on it my girlfriend would eventually leave me (we've all heard situations about people who threaten suicide to keep their partner and they are deemed abusive and eventually get left), although we have a great relationship now. Please don't give me shit about that because I already feel horrible that having a good situation isn't enough to stop me from thinking like this. So the risk is if I let those people in I might lose the best reason I have to stay alive, and they might take me away from my situation and I'll never be employable again and then I'll just be thinking like this but with worse circumstances. 

​

In terms of ideation, I guess you'd describe what I'm having as a combination of intrusive thoughts and brainstorming. I'm even scared that engaging here is going to somehow make my perspective seem more realistic and that will push me closer. I have no idea what to do. I'm personally of the opinion that the vast majority of the catchy posts on reddit are just creative writing majors flexing or trying to incite some outrage, so I completely understand any skepticism anyone might have (although this is badly written and rambling and possibly incoherent). I'm so mad at myself for even being in this state in the first place, but there we are, I don't get to control it.",7.658767217630852,6.4579858409090924,7.805165289256202,75.02244490358129,63.52479338842975,10.959228650137742,36.48898071625344,10.02789654360092,3.4187674931129486,1953,79,384,35,24,637,229,484,0.16699999999999998,0.7240000000000001,0.109,-0.9855,2,1,0,0,1,1,49.0,3,3,5,10,25,23,6,2,28,0,50,8,1,6,5,78,99,39,3,8,15,2,6,5,3,9,6,1,0,2,22,21,0,3,17,2,0,4,10,12,0,3,11,7,44,11,48,67,13,50,0,2,0,1,28,27,2,17,20,259,66,7,0.06126553614934424,0.07258964212236425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345261873175667,0.13521608520973336,0.0,0.0,0.1991435484640315,0.2233329968056601,0.08332533093261467,0.0,0.0,0.0692126173072114,0.0,0.0856765747405791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512197590086785,0.0,0.05115416362154787,0.03734690219049264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429440040552911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423574902698398,0.0,0.0687145083057676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03951120244497884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358395394229135,0.0,0.0,0.1254157445838039,0.0,0.1880877432618036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660735230479486,0.0,0.08093061763521829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858661754030009,0.08753622253304894,0.0,0.067113400215858,0.0,0.10422486750223713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056639000950371526,0.19205228397767216,0.05877148485059387,0.06963723211701386,0.05138662499839525,0.04899964597186925,0.13509093978198913,0.06749089520612206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916133304591937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445562351088445,0.0,0.0,0.06733987287098236,0.049939588963898884,0.0,0.06487135673707572,0.06656518428680194,0.37588896947864375,0.0,0.14965623160402505,0.0,0.05409859085652585,0.0,0.0,0.0685404638338877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797093164320138,0.040895221114372084,0.062113637649300786,0.0,0.0,0.06805219933545212,0.18515574662748766,0.0,0.2599722085682321,0.0,0.07175345548039379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450351675774804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04659520097236804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494761743109687,0.05349470304371647,0.12801889114279644,0.06725116099676517,0.0,0.06906768669242587,0.058675448272675464,0.0,0.0,0.05862284400353515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598234984432516,0.0,0.06577625783754723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133748954468873,0.0,0.0,0.05577384313774568,0.0,0.0,0.06288819244789047,0.0,0.20659508867160764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336406181848986,0.06530090989623283,0.0,0.051220731509963986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402910549697994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921281171885153,0.0,0.10709755796468287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851296354114852,0.0,0.09727598455156666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319055493998323,0.0,0.0,0.06377958377664611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036136000556190505,0.04862973091937285,0.049143517618831394,0.0,0.0,0.056793765803583536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840815994294595,0.062218125859554,0.06243481539736484,0.04352127908638883,0.0,0.2233329968056601,0.0
suicidewatch,-1800-,2019/04/11,"Somebody please talk to me I can't handle this anymore, i get closer and closer every day. I self harmed for the first time today. The loneliness is killing me.",0.9658064516129024,3.5154759032258087,2.053806451612904,91.38070967741936,96.41935483870968,3.7703225806451615,19.103225806451608,5.6839178017228535,0.033252903225807096,127,4,23,1,5,40,26,31,0.289,0.6459999999999999,0.065,-0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400089637186099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211059135988492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28886072136144625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916227945845484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912175568756625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793059116678593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763395815017196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576608958747849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755648913523667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991499978517108,0.0,0.3249758719983482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tartarus93,2019/04/11,"Suicidal Without Reason My name is Terra Amaya. I am 25, I have been suicidal since I was 12.

I have been to 14 different schools in my life til I graduated in 2012 so making and keeping friends has been total non existent,

For the past year I have mostly been doing surprisingly well.Until recently i have been feeling the urge to grab my sword (yes I have swords) and stabbing myself. But I cant figure out why. If I were to go to the always nice and supportive (yes sarcasm)  ER, and i told them i have a plan to kill myself but that i dont have a reason, theyd just give me a nasty look and send me home.

​

can any relate to not having a reason, or not sure why you feel the way you do?",2.7665642633228846,3.933121255172416,4.524702194357372,86.10097178683388,74.3793103448276,7.479623824451412,24.21630094043887,8.00094639256281,1.2117586206896551,542,16,116,8,11,184,93,145,0.114,0.826,0.061,-0.8832,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,2,1,2,6,1,0,8,2,24,1,0,4,2,26,33,11,3,1,8,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,8,4,24,5,12,24,2,10,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,3,4,83,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279325052871143,0.16658830639178884,0.18682335423975568,0.10455542647498883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063626283242466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019412061884504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548146859247874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878704375342646,0.0,0.0,0.14749122732177472,0.08737979700819057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422401340594555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366602658859261,0.17010184585077248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859833205163084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911146744275706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026294702114055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467719885846116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742425203308339,0.15180980029933236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560343775185467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718377633610206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363555866734145,0.17447393523497595,0.14490776910425687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469149304317466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203977346938648,0.0,0.0,0.1382399184619864,0.0,0.2774713305550865,0.0,0.0,0.1482097319478355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682335423975568,0.09901010509471908
suicidewatch,dasoutherlymars,2019/04/11,Poison I want to make an at home poison to kill my self with. I just want this to be over. Please give me tips,-1.437733333333334,0.4050217600000003,0.4040000000000017,107.00866666666668,91.4,3.333333333333334,8.333333333333334,3.1291,-2.4900666666666664,84,0,23,0,3,27,20,25,0.348,0.506,0.146,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555169205866822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717458137830974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100181788510286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473809044344081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068116659674211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866205736893949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371834290971012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,movingalong16,2019/04/11,So I discovered something really cool. If I take my elastic tights and stretch them around my neck really hard I can suffocate. Last time I was able to get out at the last second before passing out. Hopefully 2 pairs can get the job done this time.,3.9006250000000016,5.8654778125,4.577500000000004,83.61750000000002,72.95833333333334,8.966666666666667,26.583333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.4497333333333327,197,7,38,5,4,63,37,48,0.036000000000000004,0.851,0.113,0.5574,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,1,0,0,7,8,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,7,2,5,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,4,23,8,1,0.2649364504790545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358496107156845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22544140586605926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711219728109805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27683672105313256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373310208070003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263141674630233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262908546735517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319171354748669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394501485248319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396102320264686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19919923901216746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30897314967366724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,firefox253,2019/04/11,"I just don’t know anymore, I think I’ll end it... I’m 18 years old, I’m fat, I’m a failure,haven’t achieved anything. I hate college, I randomly break out crying... I don’t know what wrong with me but I plan to kill myself, this has been on my mind for over a year now.. I’m just a burden",-2.094735042735042,-0.26784789230769235,0.6605128205128211,103.19059829059832,97.15384615384615,3.5042735042735047,17.991452991452988,5.033348758259628,-0.8405213675213671,217,7,57,1,9,74,46,65,0.252,0.748,0.0,-0.9413,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,3,0,4,1,1,0,0,10,12,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,0,6,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,29,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811339111075935,0.0,0.0,0.23327816370200066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31138716990805243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25107728503497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798757446989665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136263035161273,0.0,0.31158408836461865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28623187575476194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974623774380052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816411965659865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099385903619396,0.0,0.3651009560336174
suicidewatch,lollyollyo,2019/04/11,"Exhausted all the time, lonely and can barely make art. Seriously though, whoever said that artists make the best work when they're depressed is wrong because I have no energy to make anything and hate myself. I can't stop thinking about trying to kill myself again because it feels like there's nothing to live for. I go through failed relationship after relationship, I've never finished high school, dropped out of college to do art and surprisingly that's gone great but I can't connect to anybody because I have a heavy and fucked up trauma history which includes my mum's suicide  and I very obviously have problems. I don't know what to do. I'm in trauma therapy, I've tried medication but I just seriously want to fucking die all the time. I'm going crazy.",5.36191287878788,7.214249395833335,5.904343434343435,76.0477272727273,68.93055555555556,8.56969696969697,33.22979797979798,9.095868883498916,3.1085222222222235,619,29,107,12,11,200,97,144,0.317,0.604,0.078,-0.9915,0,2,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,18,4,0,4,0,10,4,0,3,4,22,26,9,3,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,3,0,3,5,14,0,0,2,2,11,4,15,24,3,16,0,3,0,2,4,4,2,0,9,62,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578254838242606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795278728868684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040667301958356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164950410149456,0.0,0.15863419590170535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728556617481576,0.10919608968015797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826147735509739,0.0,0.0,0.1737363853108128,0.0,0.0,0.16851769414474754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509077568170319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614944453531816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691059080283749,0.0,0.08400237735063376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467480233686256,0.0,0.13496937399849696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060857393481124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398032135324258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788736356624613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666372309369902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625683279168505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282074524950982,0.0,0.0,0.14539537778189748,0.0,0.0,0.15469238738566338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778946656816653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671931207458035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479732664709238,0.0,0.0,0.09794012535390603,0.15017437525989155,0.0,0.17825615961802774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755026970323875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261172798521122,0.09015490600879547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127663993866506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711750949644172,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,F-aintforFlaw,2019/04/11,"I want to get help, but can’t. So i REALLY want to get help, i want to stop thinking of ways to kill my self, help my depression, anxiety, outbursts and complete breakdowns, but i can’t. My aunt is on medicine for her bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety and my family treats her like absolute shit, always asks when she has an outburst “did you take your meds today?” Basically like she’s crazy...and i don’t want them (my family) to do the same to me because i have enough going on as it is...i just don’t know what to do....",2.4300519210799583,4.075960831775703,4.265358255451712,85.65749740394602,76.19626168224299,8.493873312564899,25.907580477673932,9.150863307647796,2.0806726895119416,407,15,87,10,9,138,66,107,0.246,0.593,0.161,-0.952,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,0,3,7,2,0,2,0,10,2,1,0,0,14,21,8,1,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,0,19,3,12,20,2,7,0,2,0,0,13,2,1,0,5,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109861090742726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594462962393568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852819093445067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337033984848197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779443053864544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921065546553927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434574951549308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521459970506995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197173242747832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771901523200763,0.0,0.09637244226210337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409843248747552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876077866877416,0.0,0.09319307808344893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568994603562473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18835776356661552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863302977541693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690198595844606,0.0,0.17406460628614254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417709130590407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749805505691902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865575519977208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073570750438448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000750197920577,0.1345994317342735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Captainbible,2019/04/11,"I just lost the only thing that truly matters in my life by being a selfish monster and I dont deserve to be alive I made a post here last night panicking about how much i need to get my degree and how its the only thing that matters, i hate myself and want to mutilate my entire being for having been that selfish for so long, ive been neglecting my partners emotional needs and during panic attack while i felt like mu body was shutting down i texted them to say i couldnt meet up even though its their birthday and i havent seen them in over a month bc of stupid school. 

They deserve the entire world and more, I cant believe i let the fear of getting screamed at by my dad if i dont get a stupid degree i dont even want get in the way of starting a life with the person i love and would doe for, we are (or were i guess) planning to live together soon, this summer, i want to spend my life with them and theyre the most important thing in my life, and i fucked up everything and lost someone i was Blessed to love and be loved by, im almost certain thwyre going to leave me, and if they do, then there's nothing in the future anymore to be a future worth living for. I deserve to fucking die, if my stupid degree was so important to my dumb ass self, then i deserve to fucking die the way the degree's been killing me and just take adderall until my organs fail and i fucking die.",5.967693194925027,4.840124685121111,6.377979238754325,83.6516516724337,66.85467128027682,8.813933102652824,31.377393310265283,7.3011,1.827736147635525,1090,35,232,8,15,354,146,289,0.23,0.647,0.122,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,6,4,13,26,11,2,16,0,24,13,2,3,1,41,50,27,4,10,6,1,1,1,1,1,4,2,0,3,9,17,0,1,1,0,2,1,6,20,0,0,12,4,42,6,36,30,3,29,1,4,1,8,16,12,6,7,14,162,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475714571249297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938464130089494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765400241847313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661433339233113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511134370378067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29462948598893257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281036315757752,0.0,0.3327129979779523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644474375916203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500295434218334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504632801496853,0.0,0.0,0.10648378884935154,0.0,0.0,0.09085855644539832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34993146755401383,0.1977587188207816,0.0,0.053779768406531016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424437052970974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342641954763838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022154196346585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469282590025343,0.0,0.0,0.0771351602339074,0.0,0.10019831160650074,0.0,0.09676443242872684,0.26735668184373595,0.04623088673446698,0.0,0.16711805446229416,0.08374357349596043,0.0,0.0,0.20659718325549334,0.0,0.2562187533067617,0.08954012626014464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553186243308306,0.0,0.06956310870278586,0.14033221838413076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880278558350964,0.0,0.09079895437571107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439390418584705,0.0,0.11102659179628603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262628060325576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062830107754692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525267675541847,0.0,0.09576946996993367,0.0,0.0,0.09871855078266216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017873575438728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697880231213539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711491346727088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886016523420394,0.0,0.09297238580880963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674436805114249,0.1502239871981827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722163529099091,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Allgaming20,2019/04/11,"Im losing my will to live and feel like im reaching my limit So I am transgender and already suffer from major depression and I can add the dysphoria over that and I have a bad time wih people leaving and today I had to say good-bye to an important friend and this all. Got to much and no one around me wants/seems willing to help me or care about me, or they are having a good day and I don't wanna ruin it but at the same. Time, I am slowly losing my will to live. 

Don't know why I post it here do as you will please downvote or upvote just do whatever, I am losing my ability to care anymore",0.4729338103756717,2.3667636279069804,2.9156589147286813,91.8328443649374,83.26356589147288,5.829695885509841,19.22540250447227,7.010146845296331,0.2543710196779965,464,12,104,6,13,160,82,129,0.125,0.6940000000000001,0.181,0.6943,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,4,5,12,0,0,5,0,16,0,0,0,1,21,21,14,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,2,2,17,5,14,15,4,8,0,6,0,0,5,3,0,3,5,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804946469466428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510250632195739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556527511520544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715099390979245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105278990181037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821074778229484,0.0,0.1311622076495824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699949610992607,0.1087919038275261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176544394158627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554576198549538,0.1217956319771925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207292763934016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32898625994085584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369144522282572,0.0,0.0,0.1612470403469046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439839593127562,0.0,0.2689395783075195,0.0,0.0,0.5111013932703194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119464511508444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319175387940276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055747296206692,0.0,0.0,0.16716238438749814,0.0,0.0,0.14584622321594606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110255363031765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863386842954764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775963501131899,0.0,0.14434766976909674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741285589275629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ratherperson,2019/04/11,"If it's too much for you, think how it must feel for me If you can't have a conversation with me because I'm too depressed, think is must feel to be depressed.

If you can't stand to see me in so much pain, think how it must feel for me to be in so much pain.

If you're frustrated that none of your solutions work for me, think how frustrated i must feel to know that there are no solutions for me.

I know others need to practice self-care. I know others sometimes need to remove themselves from the situations. I don't want anybody else to feel as do.

 But if nobody else can even stand to be with me for an hour, why should I stand to be with myself for any longer?",5.97823708206687,4.373179751773051,6.241600810536983,86.19000000000004,67.08510638297872,9.759270516717327,29.36271529888551,8.418075326091056,1.6595523809523811,519,13,123,6,7,167,69,141,0.18600000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.0,-0.9751,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,1,9,6,2,0,3,0,17,2,0,3,4,32,34,12,0,13,6,0,5,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,12,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,6,17,0,24,25,4,7,0,2,1,0,5,2,0,5,1,88,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062986344914511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528734325809364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26926541580675895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115997469465924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032436840860622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39518436195321577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393744706582418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25771766350866826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34472553021242697,0.23180916480240726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326574648665225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245617319930734,0.0,0.1630692158289199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757030791048152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459818553443613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400637871863981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219783401068657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410487458323712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379819060907308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itry7890,2019/04/11,I think I’ve finally chose my method. Hanging is too risky and I don’t have access to things like pills. I don’t know why I have never thought about this but I’m just going to stop drinking water. That will eventually shut down my organs. Kind of painful but it’s nice and easy to do.,-0.017499999999998298,2.3036665833333387,1.495000000000001,97.7025,91.5,4.333333333333334,17.5,5.985473137389443,-0.4584999999999999,225,6,51,2,8,72,46,60,0.129,0.722,0.149,0.3071,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,10,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,6,10,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296633107989164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686432521599428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912531300490347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504357352222382,0.18494361524936093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644075840206753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595464068731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580829890809908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134734615014745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357017277185146,0.21562962182986745,0.0,0.2671607695841092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036586389789643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway494838373,2019/04/11,"I just don't know how I've been certain I'll do it, but just don't know how. Can't access guns (strict gun access in the country), drowning seems like the worst way to go, can't hang myself/wrist cut because I don't want my family to be the ones who'll find me, don't know what to overdose on, and even then it's the least effective way to do it and very likely to fail, I'm not even that sure anymore about the whole thing. Lately I've been feeling sorry for myself, thinking I deserve better, and that my family deserve better, I'm so confused and uncertain. There seems to be no other way for me, but at the same time I somehow think that this person deserves better, even though it's completely hopeless.",7.06432485322896,5.333480931506851,7.253874755381608,80.2047260273973,65.02739726027397,9.712720156555774,32.500978473581206,7.957251820313856,2.209506066536203,560,17,115,5,7,182,84,146,0.219,0.6579999999999999,0.123,-0.9513,0,0,0,2,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,5,12,13,1,2,6,0,13,0,0,3,2,28,25,11,1,1,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0,10,0,0,2,8,6,0,1,2,1,9,7,12,20,4,11,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,5,5,76,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542305114562832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480137314190128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126249370449782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630560195192538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081514087262372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932141018684005,0.0,0.07863378047155034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421392008995724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838357185318056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564032908060849,0.0,0.1754293084599742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195494590623054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053819587266258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357909493669754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831526367509708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408791265618326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465723961513629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033182067365002,0.1992972995504753,0.1527941042694533,0.0,0.09068288179063112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831734291922212,0.09172762054292836,0.3703251136998981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362854186774998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwmeoffthewall,2019/04/11,"A part of me wished I'd find a reason not to, a part of me knew I never would. Adult virgin catching the bus (at last!) ​

​

""Catching the bus"". I hope no one gets that reference. If you do, you must have been suffering for as long as I have. 

​

But I feel at peace. At least I'm trying to find peace. I don't want to go out crying, but smiling. I'm not sad, but resolute. There is a slight spring in my step, a clarity of mind, though my body is utterly shattered. I have been thinking this over for the last few weeks (in the context of being depressed for 20 years) and now I realise, this is it. Now is the time. I've waited and waited, and I can't wait any more. There isn't going to be better time than now, with my failing health and worsening life. 

​

If I could go back and be born as someone else, a different life, a better life, of course I would do so. If I could start again, I would. I am not happy to be exiting with a whimper, but I am no longer feeling sad about it. I'm neutral. Almost indifferent. (At least, I can at least fake that.) It has to be done. I'm resolute. I don't have a choice. It's probably always been my fate, and I've been fighting extra hard for a better life since I hit 30. But I failed. And I'm not really interested in fighting against the current any more. The universe has made it abundantly clear what it thinks of my efforts.  

​

I have some things I need to do first. I need to find a way to say bye to my mum, without it sounding final. My mum doesn't deserve much from me, but she does deserve that. I need to clear out all of my writings, and personal belongings, though I can do that easily enough as I have access to a skip. It will be hard to say goodbye, my world has been books and movies, and I have so many fond memories - reading on the beach, etc. But it counts for nothing. 

​

Maybe I can't talk about my plan and I don't want to give details anyway. I will cross country to a favourite spot of my childhood, and early morning I will be found. I hoping that I can find the strength to smile through the pain and trauma. I doubt the painkillers will help much really but who knows. This isn't how I wanted life to be, but this is how it is, and it isn't ever changing. But that will be a final victory for me, if I pull it off, ending my sad, pathetic and loveless life with a rare smile. 

​

Thanks for reading and ""sorry you're here"".",2.260294061847844,3.8376281274900417,3.4805919180421188,91.39695883134131,76.49003984063745,6.454259153860747,24.502181749193703,7.1686216300943375,0.8638365016125973,1888,63,414,21,42,613,220,502,0.146,0.718,0.136,-0.2445,3,0,0,0,4,0,108.0,0,2,0,9,18,23,2,1,26,0,60,10,1,4,6,84,93,40,0,19,19,2,4,0,0,9,8,3,0,2,25,21,0,3,13,4,0,8,17,13,0,2,9,7,53,10,59,63,15,48,0,7,0,1,17,15,0,9,25,293,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441879867707906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04521950258813319,0.4121804880308616,0.4622469787585318,0.07391310546883098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178805130524559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419155649177215,0.0,0.06036518943963042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748994281595881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678033018883669,0.0,0.05969557468271916,0.0,0.0,0.046807381799514575,0.0,0.0,0.05677909524711314,0.0,0.0,0.047557790467024144,0.05561393736056397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539838363444828,0.0,0.04813365568133457,0.05615304781448467,0.060609186683573076,0.0,0.04915828241400078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495706236382523,0.0,0.0,0.1190648695422089,0.1986818611883553,0.04622594076702608,0.0,0.059586631231366864,0.0,0.0,0.028393087996756595,0.052132801750703305,0.09265677119575044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785140261906632,0.0973651260208347,0.0,0.0,0.05776633308588215,0.0,0.0,0.03642639584241576,0.0,0.0,0.10795395487950647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029866662814671194,0.08859707041892928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303134397120397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809373089817553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051422677074459716,0.0,0.0550974331483697,0.0545969886904506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487309037407877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989984880579991,0.12088867835875093,0.041914315389516336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052145619004326495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682566730882655,0.0,0.05782705112653784,0.0,0.0,0.11770096221356315,0.0,0.0,0.047452072303098086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859324297541591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871967536522653,0.0,0.06962976516202736,0.05587584595844683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643485903827748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495485404816968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046046453239942456,0.0,0.0,0.0608349249855505,0.03846576351840684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368055783593199,0.0,0.050033695235121085,0.0,0.0,0.03610449031501639,0.06964433132081284,0.10678763079690963,0.0,0.06337816597412853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036896776721247936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616249910215502,0.04313663552409112,0.0435923861353461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249421877207295,0.052386767087541065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581566572542425,0.0,0.4622469787585318,0.03499648266508966
suicidewatch,Fukitallnoregerts,2019/04/11,"Lately just really feel like I can’t do this anymore I feel so anxious and just completely overwhelwmed. I’m all fidgety and shifty like a fucking tweaker.

I’ve been depressed for my entire life. 5 or 6 years old I knew something was wrong with me. Hasn’t gotten better. The more I learn, the more I see everyday, the more depressed I get. I’m so tired of having thoughts of killing myself",2.3448376623376603,4.797320285714289,3.3351785714285747,88.29419642857144,79.9090909090909,5.927922077922077,26.508116883116887,7.1686216300943375,1.42365064935065,310,13,59,4,8,99,56,77,0.271,0.629,0.1,-0.9371,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,12,16,5,1,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,3,9,3,4,11,4,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524862158712122,0.2216474075225019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766354208297846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343307019222669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849925657463999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260120052853865,0.1596651769498034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066179199265059,0.11676713562141595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472645752031347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252112575238656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786142888815408,0.21837715185094725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345208535493283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317689278620474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809691842581216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205769788911274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743040351699374,0.0,0.2568751146155598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435716336835425,0.0,0.1439237267215831
suicidewatch,AveryVon,2019/04/11,"I just need to get it out... Booze, books, and cigarettes. I've nothing left but these. Everything else I've ever cared for has been eaten away. I'd die without them. I am unbalanced without them. Even if they destroy me, it will all be fine. I'm nothing without them. The army snuffed out my fear of death. Life on the streets shown me life is shit. My family as scrapped the passion from everything. They are my most holy trinity. They fill me up, and buoy me along. I am tired now. I've buried my 45 in books. I think I'll read some more.",-0.18013636363636465,2.132119054545456,1.1439772727272732,99.10596590909093,94.8181818181818,4.931818181818182,20.51136363636364,6.6274283507984215,0.2745000000000002,416,15,95,6,16,131,77,110,0.22,0.703,0.077,-0.9705,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,6,0,4,6,2,1,3,0,8,7,1,0,2,17,14,5,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,18,3,15,10,4,11,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,3,2,59,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105616424518633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856275138473725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18895484000859575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520920374832897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025228818688052,0.16468831559569266,0.0,0.0,0.32725676283446903,0.0,0.17163478251203315,0.20487386608305175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512150561660687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781427494224327,0.0,0.2571959432714917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134998972270994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493927671106501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211437959954224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868872192692819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665997114604584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925706130954425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.526512807658256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ClubNoHomers,2019/04/11,"I survived a near death experience and an attempt I came home late and slightly drunk after drinking some beers and eating a few slices of pizza. I had some weed oil before I hit the sack and I think that was my fuck up because it really knocked me out. I should mention I snore pretty badly and I think I have sleep apnea or something similar(believe me I’m looking into fixing it now). I had a bit of acid reflux or straight up puked but almost choked to death on my own vomit. Woke up with tunnel vision, a throat full of bile and felt severely O2 deprived. I shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom before I even took a breath. Washed out my mouth and took me a minute to realize I what had happened but I started recalling the vivid dreams. Everything about my parents, friends, ex’s, etc. I went back to sleep but I woke up shaking, fully sobered up and appreciating life a bit more. I attempted suicide last year during a severe battle with depression and that attempt didn’t scare me as much as this did because this was way closer to actually killing me. I’ve been at work all day trying to put this out of my mind but as I ride the train home, I can only think about how many horrible things would happen if I died, let alone kill myself. No matter how bad things may get in the future I won’t ever try to kill myself again. I have a lot of growing to do and I know it’s not going to be easy to fight off the depression but I’m not going to waste the second chance I’ve been given. 

TL;DR Almost choked on my own vomit and died. Scared straight and plan on living.",3.013079334458645,4.6435407021943576,4.176191222570534,86.97420725825899,74.57993730407523,6.537786351579458,23.55449722691102,7.1686216300943375,0.8454749457439115,1240,36,252,13,26,405,185,319,0.29100000000000004,0.619,0.09,-0.9981,1,1,3,0,1,3,25.0,0,0,0,6,9,15,6,3,17,0,19,15,5,2,2,51,43,26,8,3,10,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,3,0,11,21,5,0,6,4,0,11,5,14,0,1,18,5,36,1,42,18,13,44,0,3,2,1,5,21,1,9,11,168,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.09727025625871327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962399392900376,0.10323518664377042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664536798730187,0.16645206248780034,0.12152420168822894,0.0,0.1696353665597846,0.11230171023951348,0.0,0.0,0.2176426736179764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400379642763435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428334149880822,0.0,0.17170310126883515,0.0,0.20689772885594584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976453949567482,0.0,0.10199433253904652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116606952644388,0.06583563912537102,0.090163444514864,0.0,0.0,0.08958315248781187,0.09750311507507446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570543616460443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770101101825051,0.0921496693327478,0.05207705575718191,0.0,0.11329733584908047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762878714861017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996807547182385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308330978858364,0.0,0.05477980643944951,0.08124996084710134,0.11243986219168846,0.0,0.0,0.10192636305395243,0.07040472809721833,0.0,0.0,0.08801651115217576,0.0,0.08370347488595391,0.0,0.0,0.08474171884608757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105671135429227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064523405507056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327397572474964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580875880665543,0.0,0.0,0.11067937920999613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140722138423652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020279527874172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638555616619897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958789118461187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521300487280965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949773078136568,0.0,0.0,0.07673613194961604,0.0,0.0,0.0705518086556656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090303284421691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324417798750544,0.19160675966875773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148936240293185,0.13534811703413274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911886771956407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240146632437048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256595574227995,0.0,0.0,0.07080759564002613,0.0,0.0,0.0641886426465242
suicidewatch,okfinewhatever_,2019/04/11,"I can't stop thinking about killing myself I constantly think about doing it, what it would be like, if it would hurt, what would I look like dead, or the most convenient date. When I'm out of the house I have urges to jump in front of cars, or trains or look for good places to hang myself.

​

I just don't know how to make it stop except by actually doing it and it's scary.

Thanks for letting me vent",4.968,4.802201564705887,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,68.64705882352942,8.211764705882354,25.235294117647058,7.554174236665415,0.8716352941176471,323,7,74,3,5,100,58,85,0.16,0.688,0.152,-0.5753,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,0,10,0,0,2,0,19,18,7,2,4,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,4,13,13,1,12,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,7,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.18731961168489109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798229795741788,0.23324536618743305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074342996696953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610020776551444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148937715024905,0.20549094361682205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236888442600746,0.0,0.10549300952923096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962861771119195,0.0,0.1875582544916307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223863700042097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813092056125605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055128599846425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209646164688986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672563958596976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245993004081943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40907627356360576,0.0,0.23324536618743305,0.0
suicidewatch,pocket-monsters,2019/04/11,"Bye, Reddit. This was fun, mostly.",-0.3049999999999997,-1.163851499999998,1.313333333333336,90.99000000000002,147.33333333333334,1.2000000000000002,3.0,3.1291,-2.5534000000000003,25,0,4,0,2,8,6,6,0.0,0.602,0.398,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kyskaali,2019/04/11,"Painless way So I have been wondering what is most painless way to take your life, because I don't want to hang myself cause I will fail doing it and suffer 1h. So I need to know painless way to die",3.0642857142857127,3.925265428571432,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,73.28571428571428,6.552380952380951,25.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.8234190476190473,156,5,34,1,3,51,31,42,0.246,0.608,0.146,-0.7128,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,7,11,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,4,9,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,22,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887094402436848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014313149057318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045318674209856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612603177831962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072568262713095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175730937811884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062128752532026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307139692020698,0.6987283041173035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182100757709043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tafattsbarn,2019/04/11,"I'd rather die than become happy and want to live I've fucked up my life too much for it to ever be worth living through, which means that if i were to not kill myself and become happy i would still live a miserable existence because i've just burnt all my roads to possible success. 

​

I really truly do not think my life will ever be one that i'm proud to have lived.",4.545769230769231,4.992769730769236,5.319641025641027,84.7086923076923,69.64102564102564,8.291282051282051,24.57435897435897,8.238735603445708,1.2903712820512814,301,7,62,4,5,98,56,78,0.121,0.622,0.257,0.8964,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,1,1,0,7,3,0,0,3,14,12,3,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,7,4,9,7,2,5,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009078847389156,0.1907512737013063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956952523388254,0.3467503183206765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292335268323258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28399984380801196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512806070283818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342222002290681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367819931836673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176317564774572,0.0,0.0,0.5544747220836979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100028049332808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154004140646509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637560193573677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697450976732387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005671956958582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536665968446284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005882337926794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259251742225882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151607067802928,0.0,0.1907512737013063,0.0
suicidewatch,Oldrecordplayer,2019/04/11,"Obsessed with suicide Constant non stop thinking. I can’t get the images or words out of my head and I find myself getting closer to buying things to complete my plan.

I want to give away all my items, I want to finalize it.

Should I tell my therapist? Should I tell her I have a plan? Will this cause me to lose my anonymity?",1.482012987012986,3.77875728787879,2.5689610389610387,93.4377272727273,82.18181818181819,4.983549783549783,23.064935064935064,6.18269132825596,0.4305480519480525,255,9,53,2,7,81,48,66,0.17800000000000002,0.782,0.04,-0.8762,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,2,0,5,1,1,1,1,14,11,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,15,0,9,8,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,38,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497678240215032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23505336468707635,0.0,0.0,0.2399054486852144,0.2472649179481094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506528005894689,0.20913038885720625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390900708541016,0.21949770426207826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482753538910486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559825483198478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912974124380623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502836284949649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39998424686874656,0.0,0.0,0.2656688328044249,0.15201279178500365,0.14661374726114484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269918964391006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnarchistHeadcase,2019/04/11,"Help me pull the trigger I need help, I can't do it. I'm too afraid, but I want it all to be over with. I'm so fucking miserable. I can't fucking do this anymore but I also can't pull the fucking trigger! Help me, please. Tell me what to do.",-1.8299740259740285,-0.002589945454545273,1.2051948051948074,100.41636363636366,93.9090909090909,3.8701298701298703,20.584415584415584,5.288315135182226,-0.3531038961038959,183,7,47,1,7,64,30,55,0.092,0.695,0.213,0.5838,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,2,2,0,7,3,0,2,1,8,14,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,8,0,4,13,1,3,0,1,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853295603183332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462066199060935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6885354570001246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992091371244145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408120270396347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725142751680364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21698966195108632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642982891426498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idontknow11121232,2019/04/11,"i dont want to live, but i dont want to hurt my family Title says it all pretty much. I dont want to keep living, it just feels pointless, too much pain not enough good. Ive used to have great grades, live in a great family, good friends, good place to live in, but i just dont want life. ive had suicidal thoughts for several years, even when i was 8 i had considered it. ive come very very close to doing it, once by suffocation(breathing the same air out of a bag until i fun out of oxygen and pass out), twice by shooting myself, and once by jumping off a roof onto concrete. i always chickened out of it because i dont want to hurt my family and friends, and i dont want them to think it was their fault in any way. for over a year now ive just not watned to get out of bed, i just dont want to go through another day, so i stay in bed until really late and tell them i sleep through my alarms. usually its just once or twice a week, but i find myself doing it more and more. i just dont care abobut life anymore. i feel like a bad stock market, go up, come down, go up come down lower, go up come down even lower over and over and over again. i dont know what to do and i dont want to tell them because i dont know how they will react or what they will do.",4.296835138387486,3.187088671480147,5.371566787003612,89.44223586040917,70.22743682310471,8.830709987966305,25.32587244283995,7.793537801064563,0.9321934536702764,970,19,243,10,15,323,123,277,0.171,0.698,0.131,-0.4457,2,0,0,1,0,1,32.0,0,0,6,0,14,16,0,1,7,0,26,4,1,3,1,53,52,19,1,8,13,0,2,1,2,2,3,1,2,0,10,19,0,1,7,0,0,10,13,6,0,2,5,3,34,10,46,45,7,47,0,2,0,0,11,24,0,2,12,158,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048447712784244465,0.0,0.0,0.03959487278488133,0.06105379828169372,0.0,0.0,0.057743373879764026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048615290892757936,0.07098661713508587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059364082327945676,0.0,0.0,0.20062210016646773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037550190725358056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7506295823500672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060161801363777676,0.0,0.07691388618089677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466752931509362,0.0,0.058880434778757124,0.04159582154036787,0.0,0.0,0.053216428727472335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996869975054164,0.0,0.030420064211091776,0.0,0.13236202321208804,0.14650864438579556,0.0,0.12838613456893666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466174358877527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051752893416734336,0.0,0.0,0.06399767441266761,0.0,0.06568013068376594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225182158791595,0.028445704975924625,0.0,0.2056543237290226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560388117722897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602259242739794,0.0,0.0,0.061955311398616264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060832542182878535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059235572002387035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037300309277280334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046302712165746544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577747118949767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826686716538607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062059908820987476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368850051031938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178211441157987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037308112294085226,0.0,0.046224001635927284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050287548248292166,0.06412641097459318,0.0960831451245334,0.2747400491951441,0.04621615030542688,0.04670443685108913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749897475016454
suicidewatch,imahyperlover,2019/04/11,"I wish none of us would feel this suffering. I come here because I am suffering and can't go on anymore and want to quit. But when I see this reddit, I just ask myself, in what kind of sad world do we live in that we have hourly posts of people wanting to end their pain? How did humans allow other humans to suffer so much?

​

All of us here are suffering so much, feeling like we can't fit into the world, mistreated by others. Or even when things go right in our life, there is a suffering that just doesn't go away until we kill ourselves.

​

I wish none of us would feel this suffering. I wish the medication I had at home could give me a fatal overdose.",5.425147058823531,5.372892985294119,5.876764705882355,83.20794117647061,67.67647058823529,8.858823529411765,28.02941176470589,8.472884824447931,1.7730617647058824,530,15,109,7,8,171,88,136,0.244,0.657,0.099,-0.9801,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,8,0,1,1,11,12,1,0,4,0,13,3,0,2,1,26,28,10,2,8,4,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,5,10,0,0,2,4,19,2,17,23,5,21,0,7,1,0,13,11,0,1,6,82,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25602890564788594,0.28712807021987724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171721159628408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045341841851694,0.0,0.11100492734984986,0.0,0.0,0.0720225679233904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017749501196538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433240734725502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464499512651684,0.0,0.0,0.0780363372038697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792191381007128,0.08440570922035516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333934038277385,0.20144049382848064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185131364625464,0.0,0.1163530208542142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307144252353276,0.123034060567123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834521723420776,0.05772166082681655,0.0,0.10432778104727844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902274401828047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370630114293742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571892572173754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190967908335442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131541362413171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566606432067853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089864827648404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414950082957914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849298291559786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263563012089133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393747487415675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075967507310093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785939905399808,0.0,0.28712807021987724,0.0
suicidewatch,xafferia,2019/04/11,Thoughts i wish i can gather all the people who wanna die and die altogether to leave this fucking place for good,9.266363636363636,7.44278745454546,8.544545454545457,72.9868181818182,60.81818181818181,10.618181818181819,35.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.924763636363637,92,3,17,1,1,29,20,22,0.301,0.502,0.196,-0.483,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401839090814528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851299328426941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586886189543396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265729493721856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382005373381008,0.0,0.3222339485306747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448515552622332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546685410822702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bunningman1234,2019/04/11,"Probably for the best to end it all I contemplate suicide all the time. It seems like a good way to resolve  my numerous issues. Financially, things aren't great but I do have decent life insurance cover which would go to my wife. I am a fucking nightmare to be around, so I am constantly told by my wife and to be fair, she's right. I am awful to my kids and things are so much better and calmer when I am not around, as she tells me every day. I  know it will mess up my kids life, if or when I do it but I feel it would only be worse the longer I am in their lives.

I have made many mistakes,  I am probably depressed and just kinda tired of fucking up constantly. I feel flat and empty most of the time.

I hope I have some sort of terminal illness, to take the choice away from myself but apart from being a fat fuck, nothing is particularly wrong with me. I suppose a heart attack is a possibility but I don't know if I can wait that long. 

I don't want help. I've tried therapy and medication for a while but sometimes things shouldn't be fixed. I am worried about leaving my kids but more worried about being in their lives and the negativity I bring to almost everything.

I am disappointed in myself and how I have turned out and I just wish I had realised my toxicity before I had a family. Either way, my family loses with either a  terrible parent or an absent one.",3.6928494623655936,4.7335839032258065,5.330069892473119,81.69510483870971,71.97491039426524,8.447383512544802,25.777956989247308,8.841846274778883,1.7649668817204298,1075,33,223,20,20,366,149,279,0.221,0.682,0.097,-0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,2,4,11,18,4,0,15,1,33,10,2,2,2,52,51,26,1,9,15,3,2,1,0,4,6,0,0,3,10,14,1,1,6,0,0,2,6,11,0,1,4,2,42,7,30,37,9,25,0,3,0,3,13,11,3,11,11,169,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079881850764888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200448734538006,0.0,0.12268584337337354,0.10132110877371668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176559890937283,0.0,0.1131735254898522,0.09537748515483066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307778046913336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954916833872485,0.0,0.09288415642370372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551600264033867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086153603680587,0.0,0.09692143574714447,0.0,0.20332767947875102,0.0,0.10905631079843313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29909457327602945,0.0,0.0,0.06128909371833782,0.09045275292112744,0.0,0.11889618551874895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779328902729167,0.07228421926846129,0.0,0.0,0.10711143890224516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255902958233048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853428557974607,0.0,0.0,0.11418910665528767,0.0,0.0,0.15234398748130942,0.05268615380289577,0.0,0.19045292319856813,0.09543677625207347,0.0,0.12064761288486495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204270774143692,0.0,0.10933486134767753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086394692662149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927627832823114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347730734341032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307653005184303,0.08201870041076842,0.0,0.0,0.11974577856137572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157565124035563,0.0,0.0,0.2325438311936111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209647860876197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817530637510784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665849533611647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796164433971534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108376276318678,0.0,0.09425866117241699,0.0,0.12332672531919887,0.0,0.214936298320334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576707467644474,0.12394851459560473,0.0,0.1030476522966788,0.0,0.07321763894391557,0.11730112819582605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360800558450566,0.17119991965256756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401297762957945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190375711876621,0.10990021101775817,0.15321572506991835,0.11790829748390268,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,epwodjdiejn,2019/04/11,"I don't know anymore I just feel lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lying here awake at night and I could die right now but nothing would matter. Everything is so tiring and pointless, it's so insignificant. I just want to kill myself. There's just no point, I don't have any direction, anything I want, anything to work towards. I just want it to all end so I can finally rest.

Am I the only one?",-0.4336274509803886,1.8122042941176488,1.8877941176470607,94.14424019607846,94.2941176470588,4.715686274509804,20.024509803921568,6.42735559955562,0.2439215686274512,315,11,69,4,12,106,54,85,0.234,0.7,0.066,-0.9349,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,10,2,1,0,1,0,10,1,0,0,1,17,18,6,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,1,11,0,6,15,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482519077758942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932459357441621,0.0,0.0,0.32630602765870065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829634676067092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057650086645479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560158699583794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781854083152967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024739686933096,0.0,0.0,0.2171867038884817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193479056195773,0.0,0.21791959552158527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642676594274055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605577663445305,0.0,0.19023806362563347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343476935228576,0.15078744458873064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742199656414832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693149561683698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22787339573581414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508207970659599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443373457468702,0.0,0.0,0.14083987882274013,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JellyBellyWow,2019/04/11,I think I offically decided to kill myself I'm done. Ive fought for yeara to try to do the right thing but nothing works. I wont do it today because I want a painless death and it takes time to arrenge what I need. I don't know why I decided to make this post,0.8550000000000004,2.228046913793108,3.3788275862069,91.49893103448278,79.86206896551724,6.708965517241379,23.66896551724138,7.554174236665415,0.8681406896551719,203,7,49,3,5,71,42,58,0.179,0.7440000000000001,0.077,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,14,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,6,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,29,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812115078357947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042078598474307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32888244304172165,0.0,0.16337044285734473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984283634453656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042008333794344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852361819822212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847000910597464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538648193191843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235081633364172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749131694102454,0.19047700978489948,0.0,0.0,0.17333906882950267,0.0,0.28177482982658986,0.0,0.0,0.2018251182049649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533607244162225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682376802279114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164142792122996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMaddestOfDoggos,2019/04/11,"Im a faliure Im failing all my classes, im overloaded. I have no friends, practically no family. Being dead would be better than seeing me continue to fail at everything i do.",0.77542857142857,3.3238499714285723,5.008571428571432,71.62142857142862,92.14285714285714,9.657142857142855,29.857142857142854,9.3871,4.334828571428572,139,8,24,6,5,53,28,35,0.35600000000000004,0.506,0.138,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,3,1,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,16,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054811761948055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342801818710971,0.0,0.24574360336543705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139883581262885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8447294901841095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077262648650927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517785904729564,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,s3r4phN4t3,2019/04/11,"I want to push the button ~o~ It is selfish of me but truth is I feel like i dont belong on this planet and like i have no place here and only way home for me ia suicide. I used to be passionate and loving person but Im socially isolated, dont have any friends and havent been in intimate relationship for 8 years. Im 34, IT engineer, i used to be an artist and living with mom, although financially independent, i dont have any debts or commitmens, and god forbid i would sell my future to a bank in exchange for house. (Which is apart from wanting to be intimate with a woman the only thing i want just now) Allegedly humans are social creatures but i cant seem to find way to connect with them in lasting manner. Internet has hurt me before. Love only gets me abused. The only solid connection i have seems to be with nature,its angels and the universal mind. I dont feel like a man but instead like an angel that was cast out of heaven. Existence is pain. I refuse to participate in the legacy economy and the human consumerism which savages this beautiful planet. And future i feel i come from seems so distant from where i am. I just want to move on and get off this planet. Someone please kill me🙏 as i dont know how to kill myself as there are too many options, or im just not brave enough. I just wish to move on and i want my wings back 🤷‍♂️  ~<3~",1.5394941535332975,3.6613902384341657,3.567344941535336,87.36120551601424,80.77935943060498,6.5765632943568875,22.135358413828165,7.7094869923839395,1.0400176919166246,1071,34,221,18,28,363,156,281,0.177,0.642,0.181,-0.5937,2,0,0,0,1,3,29.0,0,0,1,0,14,17,2,0,11,0,26,4,0,4,1,52,46,22,3,7,11,1,3,4,1,1,1,0,1,5,9,17,0,2,8,1,5,4,9,6,0,0,2,3,28,11,35,39,1,24,3,1,0,3,14,12,0,6,10,143,37,1,0.0,0.10462819991709517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201022505150184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679018825492792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514192337268667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606782153320422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174700191451798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124372968797832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395053887377995,0.12617168405013307,0.0,0.0,0.08071010720587495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822501599295397,0.0,0.09227250690797843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857814327763901,0.0,0.0,0.10189329685106246,0.09453342633200072,0.0,0.2861569817173535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953950664466332,0.0,0.048530682030778406,0.07198119656085981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256745355167802,0.0,0.07797583806555028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593992708247485,0.0,0.0,0.08952844934259313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916391220255257,0.10342294940770967,0.0,0.1877106593463184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686428454514808,0.09396383681745027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710541505534163,0.09226100132216146,0.09693349783382464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480762342407234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24117146631431954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003374403951367,0.07482140856175716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659245888696164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866659928610001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253610613464588,0.0,0.0,0.2604259078742941,0.14018642494392747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154757090904548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273006665637593,0.0,0.0,0.05686618498203355
suicidewatch,k6451,2019/04/11,"Some thoughts that I had Honestly, I just want a way out of all of this pain. No one knows how to help me. I’m pretty much stuck here, and when I reach out for help, no one takes me seriously. I’m just done. I want to know the most painless way to end it all.",-0.6801149425287356,1.0082842068965512,1.4041379310344837,102.21298850574713,86.24137931034483,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.7414919540229881,196,4,54,2,6,65,40,58,0.177,0.561,0.263,0.5883,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,15,11,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,6,1,8,7,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688495620126539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268829473618596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521858380369753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28876355811476184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312640298283265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560461638460524,0.0,0.2795482230840451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672765017690501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752964913327828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856706599405567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30991326985825235,0.4170632800969437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nopenopeartichoke,2019/04/11,"I know I /should/ but I really don't want to go to therapy today Copy/Paste from attempting to post on r/bipolar because I guess they don't allow throwaway accounts anymore?

​

New (but maybe not a throwaway) account for obvious reasons. Also, I haven't really used reddit that much for various reasons since \~2016 so, yeah. And... I was debating posting this in [r/SuicideWatch](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch) but I'm not sure if it belongs there just yet.

​

So a bit of background. I'm a 3rd-year nontraditional undergrad at a smaller university in the USA. Basically, I'm like, 5-10 years older than 97% of my classmates. The reason I'm older is due to multiple suicide attempts in my late teens and early 20s leading me needing to focus on my mental health before going back to school. During those attempts and hospitalizations, I was diagnosed with BP, on top of my ADHD and Anxiety disorders, and given all the drugs (some of them I still try to take today).

​

Last week I missed therapy due to her having a conference. We tried to reschedule but I forgot the new day and missed it. Today, I'm like, 15 blocks from the office, trying (and failing) to do homework at the library before class starts, and I just don't want to jump on the bus and talk about my shit. I'm not embarrassed exactly, but I kinda just don't want to deal with it right now.

​

And my issues. I mean, other than all my physical health concerns, which I'm not dealing with or going into right now, I'm just basically overwhelmed.

* I'm kinda borderline suicidal.
   * I have a few different plans, nothing solid.
* I'm behind on my final assignments.
* I'm behind on my current homework too.
* I'm so fucking broke, and I don't even have time between class and work to stop at the local food pantry, let alone the gas money to go anywhere not on the bus.
* I'm having trouble getting out of bed.
* I'm having trouble remembering to eat or take my meds.
* I showered last night, which is a good thing, but that was the first time in about 5 days (it was gross, let's not talk about that).
   * When I did shower I just sat under the hot water and hugged myself, barely scrubbing with soap or anything.

​

I'm borrowing spoons from tomorrow, and the next day. I'm worried that my credit (of spoons) is going to wear out and I'm just going to give up.

​

I don't have time to go back to the hospital or a partial program. I've got work. And classes. And my internship starts in a few weeks. If I take time off to focus on myself I likely won't graduate on time, or at all. My wedding will be delayed. My rent won't get paid.

​

I just want to do semi self-destructive behavior like drink a lot. Or smoke (and I never smoke). Or drive like a maniac. Or cross the street without looking. I want to go to that bar on the corner with the reputation of everyone getting into fights while I've maybe thrown one punch in my life, and it was really a sucky one.

​

And I really should go to therapy and talk about all this shit. But I don't want to get involuntarily committed, which I think she'll probably try to do.

​

Sorry for the vent.",2.7068083429652177,5.161893053745928,4.165743406535675,82.83501733739624,78.56026058631922,6.892886413785857,25.70127140905748,7.996032779217251,1.7928226121677002,2501,97,461,45,62,827,281,614,0.14300000000000002,0.799,0.059,-0.9939,5,1,4,0,1,3,149.0,1,0,2,10,25,23,5,2,30,1,35,15,3,6,9,99,92,44,2,11,31,0,1,5,0,6,5,0,6,0,18,31,5,4,7,2,7,13,18,14,0,3,11,2,50,9,81,72,11,91,0,5,1,2,13,33,3,15,48,293,68,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111350549951578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044048865775960185,0.0,0.03401169829936144,0.0,0.4147368987334005,0.4651139100132353,0.0,0.0,0.03253578574434797,0.0,0.0421789180140395,0.0,0.0,0.03499905259556789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540679852639109,0.0,0.025926253551354098,0.0,0.07238080092044527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464323901035823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228613828390123,0.08769434372771748,0.0,0.043167654657085365,0.0,0.044435415475721406,0.048743742024570894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04166378766701217,0.04932198305270168,0.04351941242111579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02809105427507857,0.0,0.0,0.04063980235976727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046590183619909104,0.0,0.036176499023085916,0.051428159521979336,0.0,0.0,0.039318846099865724,0.08888191375953597,0.04079921836767377,0.21754003512048006,0.03567264192519557,0.034015598908673804,0.0,0.04685224098632819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041605893889597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04439088726508074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023373700571790456,0.06933621638145128,0.04797635921015714,0.0,0.0,0.08698082177519392,0.030040614239878295,0.10389149242728517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03571498488161379,0.0,0.0,0.036157987605098384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545539042581991,0.04632828192693923,0.0472418988246733,0.0,0.042860832479848086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03126487805662556,0.03153589436278232,0.03280221374799517,0.08215261972812847,0.04523176608410954,0.03991207860217303,0.0,0.04080924917192533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057639658395986774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040600261596963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146509937544458,0.0,0.045855170540338566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898474274680904,0.13118559318786774,0.0,0.0,0.048178868820041104,0.0726417847524557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043043228745723486,0.0,0.0,0.044368682045733895,0.0,0.08731408107017903,0.0351817444182047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760951465327766,0.06020674250240572,0.0,0.03396498495408639,0.03555747851427465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930431272358778,0.0,0.040084578738766766,0.0,0.09593313442391853,0.10255343417520914,0.0,0.0,0.14591231234128024,0.0,0.028255434869200076,0.027251885436889382,0.0,0.0,0.1239996483253587,0.0,0.12094208204084254,0.0,0.0,0.11550191817520634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03673277524635765,0.0,0.0,0.15051386719675494,0.0,0.06823094947433729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04099797206759983,0.0,0.061925553647242663,0.04319187969853893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651139100132353,0.054776612436113335
suicidewatch,marleysapieceoftrash,2019/04/11,"What's the point in living if I can't make anyone happy I feel like I can't make anyone happy, not even myself. And that my parents would be too drunk to care if their son died.",1.8569230769230745,2.8796434102564104,3.3979487179487187,93.85538461538464,76.43589743589743,5.2,15.564102564102564,3.1291,-1.0519128205128203,139,1,32,0,3,46,31,39,0.268,0.604,0.128,-0.7427,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,0,8,8,3,1,3,3,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582318459561081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26117641343326226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585793448097444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919399869577612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952428618329384,0.18300371298099136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453829813049962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514885957725527,0.0,0.22619762898829554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419831055324867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844399627691753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421579121068012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197165552772485,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AtxStoner420,2019/04/11,"Seriously looking for help and or advise as i see only 1 course of action left Hello. My name is...well like myself that is unimportant. I live in texas and am 27 years old. In the past 4 months my life has gotten to the point where i have lost all controll and only see 1 course of action left. A little before christmas i had my house broken into. Everything they took i was ok with except for 1 thing. They took my box of important papers (i.e my social security card, birth cirtificate etc etc.) Well normally i would do the normal thing and replace them. The only issue is i am now stuck in a giant loop and have been for months. In order to get my id i need my birth cirtifcate and my social (or two similar forms of identification). I was able to get my birth cirtificate my miraculous dumb luck. But now in order to get my social i need my birth cert. And a state picture i.d. well i cant get that id with out said social security card. Normaly i would be like fuck it i dont need it i got a job. But recently i was fired for...well lets just say as a waiter that customers can be some real dicks...especially drunken dennys bar rush customers. So i was fired and had a trespassing whatever its called put on me by dennys ( hence why i cant just get a copy of said papers from them).i have tried everything and am about to be homeless, jobless and without a single person that actually wants to help instead of calling me a lazy bum millennial who just needs to get a job. Everyone tells me this on a daily basis knowing full well my situation. Look im not here asking for money or anything like that. All i want is help. Any form of help i can get (preferably a way t ok get the stuff i need) because unlike what is said about me i am the only one of my generation of family that has had a job for the past 4 years consistently and tries to work hard. But this past month has been hard. Hard mentaly, financialy, emoionaly, just hard in every way imaginable. As soon as i was fired and she saw i was unable to keep a job ( i have been hired and fired from 5 diffeent places this month alone all because legally i need a social and an id to get paid). Shortly after that the only emotional support i had (my 9 year old pit bull/boxer mix that i raised from 9 weeks old) was let out of my apartment by a ""friend"" while i was at work because they broke in and forgot to close the door when they left. So needless to say my dog was captured and lacking $250 to get her out of pound she was put down. Im at the point where i feel death is better than the  horrible future i am facing. Struggling to just eat 3 times a week ( like i allready currently am) and likely begging on the corner for change. As i have allready stated if givin the opourtunity i will work and i will do what i gotta do. But i have tried everything. Well almost...i have not yet attempted to preemptively stike against my looming future. Please just give me a reason to not do this. Help me find a solution to my problem b4 i give up all hope. Please someone",2.253035714285716,4.131902517857142,3.872805194805199,87.24492207792211,77.39285714285714,6.687792207792207,23.05064935064935,7.62072044053348,0.9962438961038962,2365,73,491,34,55,788,281,616,0.098,0.794,0.108,0.2789,6,1,0,0,0,0,71.0,0,0,5,7,23,25,2,1,33,2,56,5,1,2,4,77,100,35,1,17,19,0,9,5,1,5,1,5,1,1,21,25,2,5,7,1,2,7,7,7,4,2,29,19,71,18,71,61,12,77,0,2,5,1,35,33,2,7,36,317,92,12,0.0558185118726561,0.0,0.05447081567057313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589417667313038,0.057811144317678365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037958502171738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593387922575369,0.0,0.052182773655704416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207934024662507,0.0,0.04749744237596997,0.0,0.0,0.04936693770811092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139938830114864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904858429072255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626052074095865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541888020016877,0.0,0.0,0.057116272752492835,0.0,0.06278831289043653,0.0,0.0,0.12450479139052575,0.0,0.0,0.04702950368538928,0.053336980144098114,0.1504982378181614,0.0,0.052620725273200684,0.0,0.02822351676143956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101710861400242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04312524380900866,0.0516033147787532,0.2916286862934537,0.10709240565232912,0.0,0.0,0.04464316306266432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000096910592899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706985952254504,0.0,0.0,0.05544037697711776,0.0,0.06440706836418447,0.0,0.0,0.1205871426543933,0.05826002429038556,0.2215650403837416,0.04961405805811641,0.0,0.0,0.030676394345014762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819409294172071,0.11415642041934927,0.039426265685167945,0.13635052699519482,0.055944812945626365,0.049288768626099336,0.0,0.09374698344316988,0.0,0.06093249946600692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821521454835101,0.0,0.0,0.2483323156786723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938058048593664,0.0,0.0,0.17571641557797948,0.0,0.037824068239353394,0.21226246778816127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598552567361582,0.0,0.04873857154683305,0.05831846454227872,0.12254392810330525,0.1055330717142842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053410777407441636,0.0,0.11222604321689728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353368673851653,0.0,0.057390726765114974,0.05511404647880026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928856130449387,0.08877824206430861,0.0,0.0,0.08896025423082511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274234604883433,0.0,0.2844997173160988,0.047294843971784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583536281075642,0.06389884163222942,0.0,0.06334218579379781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878783967720254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416667803844172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03254822315352757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240328410398542,0.11369131661455327,0.0,0.05452657535258855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584640902053437,0.0886122731732966,0.08954848660702322,0.0,0.20075018282921714,0.0,0.0503675249509397,0.0,0.0,0.053807053556999225,0.0,0.1219096243156845,0.0,0.0,0.07930373864598186,0.0,0.0,0.10783587469257563
suicidewatch,_xBenji,2019/04/11,"I don’t know how to help. I really hope everyone here gets a better life, but apparently activism isn’t allowed. If you want to talk, I’m here.",1.154,3.1919117333333347,4.043333333333333,83.885,81.66666666666666,8.0,23.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.845333333333334,112,4,24,3,3,40,25,30,0.0,0.731,0.269,0.6538,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,7,7,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734266803175264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40345730073712815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205968959464814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830107755194733,0.0,0.0,0.4193680404591076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320456693526708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29823238377028466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704903049287965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33937116924084026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490412315703377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hehehehe19,2019/04/11,"I'm really feeling sick. I can't hold all this longer anymore... I'm so tired about the whole situation. I'm alone most of the time, nobody seems to care about me. I'm tired of living. I thought about suicide in the last few days, and I'm so scared about it at the same time. It's so hard...",-0.2580952380952404,1.7245263650793667,1.593015873015876,99.67142857142859,86.93650793650794,4.8698412698412685,16.936507936507937,6.18269132825596,-0.6332158730158732,223,5,56,2,7,73,41,63,0.295,0.636,0.069,-0.9539,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,10,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,9,9,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361419405658611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611732164598575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246385508954484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704282038998512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152849696421144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424555306837336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585255714740875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133048063381154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606430943761145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827038662900614,0.0,0.0,0.2075650117301089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562844850503302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493978475353554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100860312456435,0.26590030929709,0.5241109161944901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545567701081115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,221MaudlinStreet,2019/04/11,"Making it look like an accident I’m 27, halfway through a BSc in biology, unemployed and I’m done with living. I only started my course 2 years ago which is way too late and I’m a loser for it. I’ll be in my 30s if I start a PhD which is just embarrassing and honestly who does that. I wanted to go into stem cell research but that’ll never happen now cause I’m too old and also a woman so I’ll never be successful.

My grades have been slipping cause I’ve fallen behind. If I graduate now it won’t be with honours. Disgusting and embarrassing.

I don’t want you stupid assholes trying to talk me out of it or tell me my method is selfish. I don’t give a fuck. I’m gonna get myself hit by a car or (preferably) a truck. That way my parents will just think it was an accident.",0.6466902905740604,2.6341715783132567,3.3591991495393323,88.37081148121902,83.21686746987952,6.315520907158045,21.81289865343728,7.5105763829236425,0.8857311126860381,606,20,132,10,17,213,104,166,0.25,0.696,0.054000000000000006,-0.9897,3,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,1,0,3,8,11,3,2,9,0,15,1,0,3,2,25,34,12,0,5,7,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,3,1,15,4,13,23,0,19,0,1,1,1,8,4,1,4,11,82,26,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764784063011762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124313939227854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885668030228399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655045020468217,0.19354046769909208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748429516539957,0.09880997086551224,0.18142586754610687,0.10748405695769307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724255233152874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133411604351452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239688846203102,0.0,0.16700077944462394,0.0,0.15881731012956946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262423603559822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917296127113119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984548013723314,0.0,0.0,0.1438380327022085,0.0,0.0,0.2100008550050276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267727199873972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201145601530894,0.1653035261505369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118361957571668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840341400253058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231015693144331,0.3002371351688523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217902551821038
suicidewatch,yeeymaluk,2019/04/11,"I lost my friends Hey, so first of all, English is not my first language so sorry if i mess up the text. 
In 2016 my life started to get very bad, I was in 6th grade, I was so upset for no reason and I stated cutting myself. My mom was diagnosed with depression and she attempted to kill herself in 2017, my cat died, my relationship with my family was very bad, I started to get worse, my parents discovered my cuts and I got worse and worse. 
2018 was a good year, I tried to stay clean for the hole year, and i did it, but in December I stared drinking and smoking. This year I started burning myself and drinking a lot, I’m a bit better but I still burn myself. 
I have a friend, he was my best friend for 9 years, but I really don’t like to open myself to him because he’s not very good at listening to my problems. One day he discovered that I was drinking and smoking, and he said to me that we can’t be friends anymore because he hate drugs and I’m a drug addicted. I felt so guilted and upset. After that, my other friends were leaving, saying that they need time and stuff like that because I’m upset. I feel like I was living in a lie, like, all my friends are not my friends anymore because I’m not fun anymore because I’m in a bad time. I don’t know if I feel angry or depressed, I’m so confused ;-;",3.6303663003662976,4.066294985347986,4.977747252747253,86.38808608058609,71.67399267399267,7.678388278388277,30.18498168498169,7.594959193182576,1.765225641025641,1013,41,219,11,18,339,130,273,0.212,0.605,0.183,-0.3861,1,0,5,0,0,1,33.0,1,0,1,6,6,33,4,5,9,0,17,8,0,1,2,37,38,23,2,4,10,2,3,4,7,0,5,3,1,0,9,16,3,0,5,3,0,0,8,17,0,3,14,7,44,16,23,23,5,25,0,3,1,0,24,9,0,5,18,138,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203062982168712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25116687396562537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146236910037386,0.2573092737927474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859393688346281,0.07466292901397813,0.09216514491265793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544441343806225,0.0,0.14542222761122967,0.08568486649372149,0.08761498305970566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24809937757075295,0.19580158183936336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958398187399679,0.0,0.085370919336484,0.060309906657460416,0.08105676379001571,0.0,0.0,0.14361579352074338,0.0,0.0,0.4565606085154128,0.0,0.08821228503946851,0.0,0.0,0.1416155491939387,0.06751865660404369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833476066238269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339859658243417,0.0,0.04639521023015227,0.0,0.0,0.08938894908513441,0.0,0.0,0.05962858165403875,0.16497405252484398,0.0,0.07454470550463617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921547718672304,0.07177115285126955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887208008636614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625966112752801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720540615000956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373879537647588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077886268197695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408183051809695,0.08679816811526435,0.0,0.09063585006679524,0.0,0.0,0.08030307392999814,0.06713444152060699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450165730111992,0.17925945019439773,0.08998084830544635,0.06741819133726018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664109013751382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845235648245117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731586831175507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089668613057252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580946113389269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745572053200807
suicidewatch,Evanp123,2019/04/11,"I want to die before it all gets bad again So right now life is okay

​

I have an amazing girlfriend I love so much

I just finished my second year of college and have been doing well in terms of grades

I have a final stage interview for an internship for the summer

​

but I cant help but always get the feeling of relief when I think about killing myself. I really want to do it before my life inevitably goes to shit again like it always does cause I can just never have anything good. I finished college for the summer and after finally getting through the stress and constant anxiety of it. I now have the constant anxiety of finding a job for the summer  I have the interview for the internship but I wont get that. I applied for lidl and if I cant even get the five fucking competency questions right to get past the automatic decline when i worked as a customer assistant for 8 months how the fuck am I meant to do a final stage interview for a big internship. I have had these thoughts before basically all my life and they always reassured me whenever i got to an anxious point or uncertain point in life the thought that it all wont matter in a few years time because youll eventually kill yourself always calmed me down. I think now im finally ready to do it but I don't know how Im scared cause I dont want it to hurt or fail but I know im also going to miss everyone I love so much but I think its best. I dont know what this post was for I just felt like I wanted to type this sorry",4.274371735791092,5.0694135032258085,5.39294930875576,82.69037634408605,70.41935483870971,8.485407066052227,29.600614439324122,8.704169506293173,2.192351766513057,1206,46,244,20,21,400,150,310,0.189,0.6779999999999999,0.132,-0.9727,1,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,1,1,4,19,24,5,3,21,1,25,9,1,4,4,44,53,23,3,5,12,0,2,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,14,5,0,0,13,0,0,1,8,12,1,2,8,2,36,12,32,42,8,39,0,3,0,4,11,9,3,5,28,169,50,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630407186612166,0.2623731484857493,0.1708256175818232,0.19157536058777674,0.0,0.0,0.12061022636847105,0.08905602155191769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487078089034272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582017087621732,0.04805433829515555,0.0,0.2012368362410612,0.0,0.08272774142852482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196126719452236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037552088199173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181360845677556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898509772160348,0.0,0.18477750693337364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052066798719234836,0.0,0.0,0.07532591652612756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039859067046959566,0.0,0.07568963782108579,0.3454198178645204,0.07204964462705822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575504541105758,0.2471140813111333,0.0,0.04480118716434181,0.06611927942306825,0.06304794844469003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283841936637603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438967569730914,0.0,0.25545138711928456,0.0,0.07822710290292162,0.0,0.1744285268194464,0.0,0.12996953596804875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272124067875315,0.07702519630459456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229519962648945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292174931205037,0.0,0.11589896888988815,0.0,0.06079893776992836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525262768057771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904059677206205,0.0,0.07549782379628882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830819601308942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050083389981475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464162463519766,0.0,0.0,0.078923077949592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091837066558884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824428561130378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030006609801637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153419517838987,0.0,0.12516521573308162,0.045966695784288435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185985074371514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087808249335108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057389539491022615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157536058777674,0.1015285089090759
suicidewatch,justcallmezane,2019/04/11,"Dying seems fun to do Can you kill me? I'm going to abandon this phone when I run into the woods. The storm will make it better won't it? Thanks for reading. To all you people who have terrorized me for a while now, you won. Thank you for this.",-0.06820512820512903,2.043201923076925,1.6323076923076951,98.7960256410257,87.46153846153845,4.235897435897436,14.435897435897436,5.46131890053228,-1.0724717948717952,188,3,44,1,6,61,40,52,0.21600000000000005,0.598,0.185,-0.4707,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,4,0,2,2,8,1,1,3,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,12,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,5,7,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861564885274632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33579711144287866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388272468077213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579636478823223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159742556193902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243110312328676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236407313988689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945506571787174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957685824975127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stillnotprepared,2019/04/11,"Well, think this is it. Ive burnt every fucking bridge and turned everyone against me so i got no one left to stop me. Only reason i survived the last however many attempts. I think about suicide with every waking moment and have for years. Cant take it anymore. Goodbye.",1.7583241758241783,4.5272153269230815,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,88.03846153846155,4.509890109890111,24.736263736263727,6.18269132825596,0.9664802197802196,215,9,38,2,7,68,44,52,0.162,0.742,0.095,-0.5829,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,7,10,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,6,1,5,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23567750476882005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004481134357865,0.2270775938647809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196966630609437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900644172841236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371035621933488,0.0,0.0,0.2581992729119849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093219677524114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103270906536404,0.18073783076175792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24433607056051965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867977194971706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599423253998668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867758594594005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045434384008625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584868005691661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21366914831705974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303397937252525
suicidewatch,nakeforgotname,2019/04/11,What kind of easy- acces pill (in México) can I mix with alcohol and what quantity do I take to die? So I've decide to end this thing and I need to know whats effective so I actually die and not just put into a coma or something.,0.3376000000000019,2.172737559999998,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,83.4,8.0,20.0,8.841846274778883,1.4129999999999998,178,5,40,5,5,66,38,50,0.149,0.743,0.109,-0.4754,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,12,5,6,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.28488635893531994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119896345015764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6059646896476387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585676783826737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400528342872457,0.16043979115474372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646603582957089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934752163721668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224745755493454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21949871971876686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394858146134225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItsWoodenshoe,2019/04/11,"The only reason I had to live for in life just ran away... My French bulldog just ran away from home and if he doesn’t return within a few days I don’t know what I’m going to do. The only thing I live for is him. I don’t care about my family, college is a living hell... I might just end it too. I love you Troy.",-0.7691348088531207,0.7436188873239438,1.9938832997987923,98.8329577464789,85.47887323943662,4.620523138832998,12.959758551307845,5.288315135182226,-1.3506635814889338,235,2,61,1,7,82,49,71,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.8126,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,0,8,15,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,0,10,2,10,11,1,10,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,2,3,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046924393696045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958299990092933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388951568521873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075296636202765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203030680367372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239913846097067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603261871976528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836114349906438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212145984010544,0.0,0.0,0.5705241904214201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943788875228349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284724233372637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275955854104209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214351520508888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308156172831796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MixedupMaeson,2019/04/11,"Works making me suicidal and idk what to do So the past year I really started to knuckle down. I was hating how I acted and wanted to change. I started therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. I'm working out and running daily, I've cut soda down in my diet, I'm taking a bunch of vitamins and got new meds! 

I've had more energy, been happier, healthier, drinking water, my face has hella cleared but and my hallucinations have gone down a lot with the help of my meds, same with my dissociation and ADHD is easier to manage. 

But something I've noticed-- whenever I'm at work I just sink back into my old mind set. I hallucinate and dissociate and lot more at work too. Idk why it took me so long to understand what was causing me so much stress! Now I'm trapped. 

Just walking into work ramps up my feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. But I can't afford to quit or go down anymore hours! I've got a few job interviews set up but none of them will be hiring till the end of the summer. I'm at a loss for what to do. I can feel all my energy drain the second I walk in! I'm so frustrated and just want to feel better all around. 

(Also, there's this one spot at my work where I always hallucinate a faceless man when I'm super stressed and I hate it with all my being) 

I feel so trapped",1.5495707070707068,3.7571973409090944,3.911969696969699,84.43101010101012,81.27272727272728,7.092929292929293,23.035353535353536,8.167268648758528,1.4669656565656561,1014,35,206,21,27,351,148,264,0.183,0.726,0.091,-0.984,2,2,2,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,10,17,10,4,2,11,0,14,6,1,3,4,46,41,26,2,2,8,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,19,4,0,6,1,0,7,2,8,0,2,9,5,26,2,34,29,12,40,0,2,1,0,4,17,0,3,14,138,32,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456389209638464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895408455210222,0.09316642503585522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104226401449288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967534361269496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609655406396102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902668148189203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502207711327712,0.11844739860283696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968610689406966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917049872444994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22645773340522365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363404898029308,0.0,0.17910222890832805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210906269661755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750498542296973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026601981545547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111105782645332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908824108992577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038254155982173,0.0,0.0,0.07473957319495655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487426254077557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305585794223068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230943340910636,0.0,0.0,0.10813948435444252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747641885003572,0.11749168116971972,0.0,0.0758724792701169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688621661197872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909185199304917,0.0,0.0,0.07172962908635165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892240755579283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619851018464578,0.0,0.0,0.1585031885877068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565181501966253,0.0,0.0,0.24494984664664515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418607321705758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804527532429444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889016087197785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440067394467715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656273618589767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208336744232613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103379066853642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4890846423598581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721037824859074
suicidewatch,prolapsingpotato,2019/04/11,"Dad killed himself, I’m not far behind. I am 19. My dad hung himself late 2017. The image of his skin being stiffened and bruised from where the rope cut into his neck will never go away.


I cannot be here anymore. I physically and mentally do not have the ability to cope with this life anymore. 
Even my doctor agreed with me that some people just can’t be fixed and aren’t meant for this world the way it is. 

I want nothing more than to be with my father and end this suffering. 

My boyfriend just dumped me because I’m mentally unstable and broken. I’ve spent all of my dads insurance money from his death on trying to keep a roof over my brother & I’s heads. I’m completely broke and unable to work from my own issues and physical disabilities. 

I think it’s time to finally go be with my dad again.",2.76909728308501,4.6001979386503065,4.008382997370728,87.06167177914112,75.74846625766871,7.3565293602103425,24.52629272567923,8.192908349453996,1.4204587204206842,636,21,131,11,14,208,106,163,0.16399999999999998,0.816,0.02,-0.9752,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,5,0,13,5,3,0,2,23,23,7,2,1,4,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,2,0,2,2,6,5,0,0,2,1,21,0,21,15,4,16,0,2,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,86,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879748876277304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822262725242188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105416661678486,0.0,0.0,0.1174721368167074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204917290683605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972433407136559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068082323531775,0.0,0.0,0.12728087244040828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110062869949955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190391700243655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977725373106275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113559299609032,0.0,0.17128645430565884,0.2132012685453668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217381405375044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611434984444948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884057962464632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862718725105245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490715184188786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359847205291728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347858930772138,0.0,0.0,0.11236875103799447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083511186444954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136633282110896,0.15296150601145425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402926785408859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tiredashell99,2019/04/11,"I'm going hang myself. I would like to tell more people my story before I do it. The only reasons I haven't gone through with it is because I'm really afraid of no one remembering who I was or really know why I chose this. And there are some really nice people here that want to help which has prevented me in the past but I don't want that anymore. Just closure. This is the only place I can talk about how I really feel. 

I want it to be clear that I don't wish to be talked out of this. It has been on my mind for years. I'm a nobody. A burden. And it has been like that my whole life. Got absolutely nothing to show for at 26. People around me seem to be living the dream. I've always known it would end this way, by hanging. 

I know I'm getting
close to the end because I no longer feel sad over dying. The only thing left to do now is tell my story to a few more people and hope that  MAYBE I am not forgotten in the near future. It's almost like a part of me gets to live on but without any pain. Just a memory. 


Thanks for reading. If there is anyone that would like to talk I am almost always available",0.9786287242169608,2.6860525084033644,3.056822001527884,92.41504965622616,80.63865546218487,5.839877769289534,17.54087089381207,6.7829847944221076,-0.15548571428571467,859,16,196,9,22,291,127,238,0.065,0.772,0.16399999999999998,0.9597,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,12,0,25,2,0,2,1,38,45,8,1,9,8,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,20,7,0,1,8,3,0,4,7,4,0,1,5,2,22,7,31,34,6,23,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,7,10,134,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746936120459176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070697223922144,0.0,0.0,0.07384321329076174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768960659875483,0.07592689416027437,0.0,0.0,0.09666588335992378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238784572878629,0.0,0.09239995172269527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269666547445555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923525621279563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981019001229704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346495805467205,0.0,0.06171277001412059,0.0,0.0868473312538938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278390213869515,0.0,0.0,0.10785187369931716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935368368128232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798061996307599,0.0,0.07669855183105069,0.2122014404395647,0.0,0.19176947699511454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909072363634824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096424048405074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419262029083792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358168996990785,0.2477570260004857,0.11554473981920367,0.0,0.0,0.11758966427042075,0.10365904117616843,0.3011235580968454,0.0,0.1134508099529691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861687012031013,0.0,0.2782556932295844,0.1116460195993601,0.0,0.0,0.12300845241872407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988539679055507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26183552119576736,0.1898204958130044,0.09997276681954713,0.0,0.0,0.07214069987115544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921431358277207,0.08619169110664862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798331533348036,0.1212340489018828,0.12487024856970055,0.10467446039836743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23141230103450364,0.0,0.0,0.06992678003373669
suicidewatch,hitmelikethatsnare,2019/04/11,"I took 6mg clonazepam, am I at risk? My doctor said that the maximum dose per day was 2mg",-0.7042857142857137,0.7008702380952414,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,84.71428571428572,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.2344095238095241,69,2,18,1,2,25,19,21,0.116,0.884,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397692985125132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392447827803181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011470823807409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5853404905299078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,monochromekryptonite,2019/04/11,"I want to do it again. Its been a while since I thought about killing myself. My last attempt was 2 years ago. I again started thinking about throwing myself in front of the train while standing at the train station. I want to take all of my painkillers and antidepressants at once or crush my car against a tree while driving way too fast. 

My heart hurts, this loneliness is killing me, overall im just so pathetic. I know that suicide will just pass the whole pain im feeling rn to my parents, but I dont want to be here anymore. 

I dont belong anywhere so I might as well just end all of this pain now.",1.6390290037831043,3.9875110491803305,2.094590163934427,96.76043505674654,81.95081967213116,4.737452711223203,26.59773013871375,5.873414542411696,0.6417306431273646,476,21,103,3,13,145,81,122,0.18600000000000005,0.7490000000000001,0.065,-0.9437,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,13,6,2,0,5,0,9,3,1,0,2,16,18,9,3,3,5,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,5,2,5,1,0,3,1,16,1,14,12,3,22,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,12,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082248982174767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575494368419867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723725733053975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070549050888245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032592068243746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882534540734074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006615805865302,0.0,0.343198664363913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515168077954807,0.0,0.08730696602442628,0.1294945716722238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852856868506433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691839409883285,0.0,0.0,0.3380829267284165,0.0,0.17639859335707486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141313910332844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244406947787527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173770369040175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944522694128942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179301427398248,0.0,0.12611949972801234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811045912304482,0.12609807782943444,0.0,0.0,0.1428369416117195,0.0,0.0,0.17736489837624084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023025820452396
suicidewatch,oliviasea,2019/04/11,"Just end me... I have no insurance, and I'm unhealthy, it causes dental problems and I have can't afford dental care, my teeth are so bad and so painful... I might as well just die.",2.1763963963963997,3.5715675405405456,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,76.29729729729729,6.014414414414415,23.144144144144143,6.42735559955562,0.4609171171171176,137,4,30,1,3,45,28,37,0.416,0.539,0.045,-0.9533,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,8,7,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28413763018676724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469601716069818,0.3495834941635304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531793447886021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014062198502181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610062311031599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621049063990773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256226823139093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059720162337014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,driedfrogpillsplease,2019/04/11,I just need someone to talk to. I’m so close to just ending the pain but don’t want to ruin my daughters life.,-1.0609333333333308,0.8754098399999997,1.3480000000000023,100.24066666666668,90.6,3.333333333333334,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.1908666666666663,86,2,21,0,3,29,20,25,0.264,0.6829999999999999,0.052000000000000005,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095362995623854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265965449192954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34285298088719496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920107604075203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917777239423588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716479408374817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727269411358359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_caius,2019/04/11,I'd rather be happy than die but I'd rather die than feel like this,-1.5337499999999975,0.3452831250000017,0.06750000000000256,108.8275,92.75,3.2,8.0,3.1291,-2.603025,54,0,15,0,2,17,11,16,0.333,0.4270000000000001,0.239,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.817529642564078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914760790104116,0.2813738855553239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192716258753528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242025376680508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pikachue666,2019/04/11,"I miss you little bro. I never thought in a million years I’d lose a loved one to suicide. The day I found you slumped in our backyard woods haunt me day and night. How can someone so gentle and kind who loved life and wouldn’t hurt a soul be the one to end their own lives. Everytime I think of you tears begin to fall down my eyes. My baby brother I’m deeply sorry that big brother couldn’t save you and for that I’ll always live with the guilt that I could’ve done more. I know it’s not my fault but I can’t seem to convince myself. It felt unreal seeing you at the funeral home. I sobbed and mourned unable to keep the hurt inside when I seen and touch your cold body. I ask you to please wake up if this was a joke because my mind couldn’t accept that you were really gone.

I can’t explain the pain I felt it was different from any other ones I’d felt. I remember your bright and beautiful smile like it was yesterday, but when I see you in your casket cold and lifeless my soul shattered and I begin to weep. I caress your body from head to toe feeling utter helplessness and hopelessness wishing this was all just a bad dream. I miss you terribly and I’m so lonely. The world seems to have simply moved on and here I am stuck and frozen still confused as to why you did what you did. The day you decided you were going to end your life you told me you loved me and I didn’t know why. I sensed something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. Now I know why and I’m deeply saddened that I didn’t say it back cause it was the last time I’ll ever get to see you again. My baby brother the pain hurts and I wanna make it go away. I can’t let go and I don’t know how to. I wanna see you again and tell you that I love you, but it’s too late your gone. All I have left are regrets and guilt, shame and pain. 

The day has finally come it’s time to close the casket and say our last goodbye. The tears won’t stop falling and I’m unwilling to let you go. Desperate and wishful thinking I pray that somehow you’d wake up and say this was all just a prank. We closed your casket and my body started trembling. I and others help load your casket onto the black car and it was here that it started to really sink in, you’re really dead and this is it! Here we are at the cemetery preparing you your departure guiding you to your destination in the afterlife and taking one last good look before your lowered down and covered in dirt! The unbearable pain and ache in my heart if only you can feel it, the lonely desperate tears if only you can see it, and the cries and howls of my loss speak my love for you. I held your hand, kissed you on your forehead, and  said my farewells one last time before they take you away. As we pour the dirt and throw flowers over your coffin I’m dazed and lost in time. No words or tears will explain the heart wrenching pain I felt that day. Everything seems so unreal. My mind couldn’t process your death and I can’t seem to make it all go away.

It’s been 4 years since you took your life. Not a day goes by I don’t think of your funny personality and beautiful smile that lit up everyone mood. I keep asking why and still wonder if you’ll come back knocking on the door. I go to the place where I found you and sat down thinking about what you were thinking before you decided to end it and mourn the lost all over again. When no ones home to hear me I cry for you, when I’m in the shower I silently cry for you, and when I dream about you I hold it tight and cherish it while tears are streaming down my face when I awake. I’m deeply sorry and wounded badly. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see it, I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you, and I’m sorry big brother let you down. This is all to much and I’m tired. I want to close my eyes and drift away.  

Goodbye my baby brother pengchoua xiong, goodbye! You were so full of life, but the darkness consumed you and you finally let it go. Only 20 years old and a life still ahead, but you chose to go. I ain’t mad and I understand because you went through too much bullshit and others treated you like you weren’t a human being so for that I wish wherever you may be at that your in peace and not hurting anymore. Though I’m dying and torn to pieces I forgive you and hope that if heaven is for real I’d love to have the chance to see your beautiful face once again because I miss you terribly! It’s very painful bro I’d never imagine that I’d come visit my little baby brother at the cemetery instead of countries apart. Thank you for being part of my life and thank you for being my brother until then take care we will meet when my time is up. Rip pengchoua xiong!",2.4757303607663346,3.8843432867420375,3.4519784172661865,92.53179902232063,75.53648509763617,6.3874825414393746,22.649076343320953,6.900799576094004,0.47088753788178295,3650,99,814,34,78,1169,354,973,0.208,0.6559999999999999,0.135,-0.9977,5,4,1,0,0,2,66.0,6,69,2,5,38,64,1,5,37,0,63,37,16,5,9,158,164,87,12,20,17,9,10,2,0,6,14,6,5,2,50,66,0,7,32,3,0,23,25,39,0,7,38,33,152,24,88,104,13,126,4,20,14,7,111,47,1,15,58,520,202,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03637176156275427,0.0,0.0,0.029725557498508658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433504102853491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172935969476806,0.0,0.1642748909932613,0.06722343021284798,0.0729951391732313,0.07993901561716836,0.0,0.11158669654490884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566203637752384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04456714514964542,0.044904111772098194,0.0,0.1129616669000956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03490035601136583,0.0,0.14404624671487926,0.16914316551300562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045365999936384516,0.04566958051013294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473239981580901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614717637637033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03953987161428408,0.0,0.041768546685455515,0.039285392957530335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420405033404832,0.0,0.1678809268700321,0.09576839190234993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585557644076308,0.0,0.0,0.022837637911553254,0.0,0.19873961727247685,0.03666342657023201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486096980707665,0.0,0.04926643275083575,0.1035975073640057,0.029299132196083388,0.0,0.08769310083099048,0.04341573084512605,0.0,0.0,0.1871777614766032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770620288800292,0.0,0.04551916606463545,0.09609156018053812,0.1425239702340953,0.04930887167530772,0.0,0.047493053811363165,0.17879331611381774,0.18524983766854647,0.042710804676221945,0.08762151606691733,0.07719673021854231,0.0,0.036706945574982525,0.04890238000533915,0.09543329756321127,0.0,0.2367099119193732,0.0,0.058355999696302535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827301695358405,0.0,0.0,0.04645877969442565,0.06426647980040605,0.0,0.06742654819974242,0.0,0.0,0.04102061086937778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045868234307236494,0.046551694519175714,0.17772168830943114,0.09973449683233536,0.2790749471008453,0.0,0.0,0.04733567474558993,0.0,0.0,0.03816750208835305,0.04566958051013294,0.04798248577416305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043942483364870534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04975365597128719,0.08400879281703258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951700585912613,0.0,0.04157998003968357,0.1042842547037056,0.0,0.0,0.24382879995887405,0.15917450912444522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615889470127734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037036909346570536,0.03365151832641425,0.0,0.2446591912361227,0.06187894598327307,0.0,0.10472502158106034,0.036545064569774334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781367007286296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859761542133803,0.0,0.03820608429150522,0.08048799871907067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004394498043493,0.042946671490100716,0.034702326887247066,0.12744365866270102,0.050240342240637705,0.0,0.041768546685455515,0.04856547462479546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045505578281275536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036066854799031385,0.025782382146621385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052132363726292,0.1577725856739911,0.0,0.15079941358034368,0.0,0.047403637587863694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047792046866629016,0.0,0.08444699632965952
suicidewatch,uselessdicknumba1,2019/04/11,"Divorce or die? Hate myself and my life.
Have a 1 year old baby.
Have a wife I no longer attracted to, sex makes me feel sick.
Used to take meds, none of them worked so I cold turkey stopped.
No job, no money, no friends, alone everyday.

Divorce and try life again or head against a train track? 

Idgaf what they do, I'm not a believer of ""stay alive for them"", that's selfish and I don't care for selfish people.",0.43250000000000105,2.7263420119047623,1.5931428571428583,98.60185714285713,87.21428571428572,4.788571428571427,20.304761904761907,6.2581,-0.03825809523809465,315,10,72,3,10,99,63,84,0.332,0.583,0.085,-0.9704,1,1,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,2,6,1,0,4,0,4,5,1,2,0,10,11,6,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,2,9,3,7,11,1,6,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,5,39,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432218163896737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26458252109693386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943345660808454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372524066278695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874137923823412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143560822523164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318543561118592,0.24101200630269085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304093097715198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33174669232333603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675649263813365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608525835892256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464234550320651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280741616756986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503065473783396,0.0,0.19633546421979708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176569292576233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594398961255251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028250253228683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096519256164916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122826590072694
suicidewatch,I_Wanna_Be_A_Hacker,2019/04/11,"I think my hand is rude My hand just scratched my own dick and i cant controll my hand should i cut off hand, i feel suicidal",-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,0.20428571428571551,106.06571428571432,96.85714285714286,4.228571428571429,17.714285714285715,5.985473137389443,-0.6603142857142861,98,3,26,1,4,31,19,28,0.317,0.369,0.314,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,6,5,1,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6349044700371475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28622598172660035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6191973157724715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627198443036428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,problem_be_thy_name,2019/04/11,"Not yet but maybe soon. I literally have no other reasons to live, than my mom. My life so empty and meaningless. I don't find happiness unless I'm loaded, or to paraphrase the word, wasted out of my mind. I find no solace in any arts or hobbies that I've tried. There have been hours, even days of philosophical debates of why I should keep on going. The only reason, why I'm alive is not to make my mom sad. She lost her sister, because she killed herself. I don't want her to go through the same as she and my grandmother went through but fuck me it's hard sometimes!",2.479137931034483,4.255581741379313,3.684000000000001,89.311,76.41379310344827,6.364137931034484,23.66896551724138,7.1686216300943375,0.8140889655172412,446,14,94,5,10,145,82,116,0.308,0.6679999999999999,0.025,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,3,0,7,2,0,3,0,21,17,9,1,2,7,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,3,1,17,1,15,13,1,10,0,2,0,1,9,3,1,2,4,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795877766054776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573963241409014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186737795442443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456872267670645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31707867421406144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036101495770638,0.0,0.0,0.19716268002175066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18465144159775498,0.1553861277960522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082320181196914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417925651640374,0.1919078376975477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251995842462585,0.0,0.0,0.1531683961928582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935212786566769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578592585993545,0.0,0.17426392813621186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514519586009428,0.4063086125986151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192417935892692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35669162853869696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155641821200704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776798320259775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231122774888812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079919798573342,0.31304141823718096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Casthecat6,2019/04/11,I'm such an awful person and i want to kill myself I keep drinking to deal with the fact that I hate myself so much but it just makes me hate myself more because I'm more unbearable as a person when I drink. I just can't deal with anything anymore and I wish I would drop dead and give people a break from my shitty existence,3.1495652173913062,4.125935260869569,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,73.20289855072464,6.679420289855073,22.495652173913044,6.742157984588678,0.5145339130434783,259,6,55,2,5,85,48,69,0.328,0.612,0.06,-0.9721,0,0,2,0,0,1,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,0,4,1,2,2,0,1,1,14,11,7,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,12,0,6,10,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039423235574151,0.0,0.0,0.16922643929065326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253578953505132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424017235736591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029031594497022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727123845282532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40605922961335295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278470108458414,0.22751320470664665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726811457193927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117106310041173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425667714270789,0.3591185877616443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121293406157317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647898289184735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146082690376951,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EekumBookum,2019/04/11,"What's the 'cleanest' way to die? I just want to go. I have failed at life and not been truly happy since I was 13 (I'm now 32). I have low self-worth, always doubt my decisions and always have regrets. I have just lost my relationship to this depression and lost my job by coincidence. I am having to get rid of my house and move back with my parents.
  
I'm done. I'm done with feeling miserable and questioning everything and want to slip away. What's the best way to go with minimal gore? I don't want my family to see a mess, although I am thinking of throwing myself off a cliff, but there must be other ways. Suffocation seems a good option. Advice appreciated.",2.100422209369576,4.296097353383459,4.015037593984964,84.49888953152114,79.22556390977444,7.4005783689994225,23.012724117987275,8.384062270229773,1.4876146905725856,520,17,106,11,13,176,85,133,0.183,0.7020000000000001,0.115,-0.6309,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,5,12,0,2,5,0,14,1,0,0,1,25,29,8,1,5,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,9,0,0,6,2,15,3,16,21,1,13,0,7,1,0,3,4,0,4,2,69,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499620117751501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538658385149426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441832943359118,0.11800337307843688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104967596810482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321772316437165,0.0,0.159270093734264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31409132485178376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792241386737322,0.0,0.1446710118539857,0.0,0.07759537153386385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017794683116933,0.0,0.17443282147470382,0.12871726391236984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336393856948295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707539571942954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522880880934473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839527050764998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33504541439793345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163106604220932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704022098135239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719133885157916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476154912894267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228993355319502,0.13970671330900838,0.16009510504718372,0.0,0.0,0.12694596297834398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983327261615633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715488974304485,0.3654347357273565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MGRKeening,2019/04/11,"My thoughts I’m a college freshman and I should be having fun but instead I’m more miserable than ever. I been depressed and lazy for a few years but it’s getting even worse in college and I don’t see anyway I’ll ever be happy. It mainly stems from the fact that I’m completely alone I think, I have no friends and I only had a few in high school and I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a girlfriend. I just fundamentally don’t know how to talk to new people or even people I know fairly well. I never have anything to say and at this point I’m pretty sure I’m just not an interesting or funny person. I don’t really have any interests or passions besides lifting weights which I’m not really good enough at to talk about. I’m fairly smart but I have never applied myself at anything and I doubt I ever will. I essentially have no personality and I doubt a girl will ever see anything in me. I’ve really tried this year to meet people or make friends but nothing worked. I don’t know when I’ll kill myself but it’ll be soon. I haven’t been able to in the past but I think eventually I’ll be pushed too far. Basically the only reason I have to keep living is so my parents aren’t sad but I keep thinking that it would be better for me to kill myself than slowly waste away, failing at everything I do. 
In a way I want to give it one more try, work out six days a week, join some random club I don’t care about, but I know I won’t be able to make myself do it. I can’t seem to get out of bed before 11 or 12 nowadays, and I don’t work out or eat much. I just want it to end, I never asked to be born, I’ll never be better, I just want to go.",0.7211124121779839,2.495505467213114,3.2221654957064807,90.5865737704918,81.75956284153007,5.712911787665888,19.746760343481654,6.742157984588678,0.15600259172521502,1315,34,298,14,35,457,162,366,0.163,0.685,0.152,-0.8483,2,1,0,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,6,22,22,2,3,12,0,40,3,0,4,12,69,72,26,2,5,20,1,1,0,3,6,0,1,1,3,12,12,2,2,11,1,0,2,20,8,1,2,5,4,39,14,37,52,8,40,0,4,2,1,14,17,0,11,20,200,51,7,0.249854125639853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625784070038815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566364577660483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560865645039605,0.0,0.07785995988184803,0.0,0.07824872524450395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086915276453769,0.0,0.0,0.14731711329886454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491431099813261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732243235323915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053711747040537286,0.0,0.07173299743292287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522104889347225,0.0,0.0,0.07376553156113881,0.08605536733458137,0.0,0.110017529036495,0.376678935099825,0.0,0.0,0.07485092581269187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869111845292935,0.0,0.08702564553205651,0.07989428142278747,0.04733261916390445,0.06985526211266976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886581209207371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799486722730139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805455131487974,0.1842843807013444,0.0,0.18308439093570497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354192349325743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118637934245584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061223843643149575,0.0,0.32117150785285714,0.08043689049419117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991392405149053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643587393638672,0.12668354760480738,0.0,0.0,0.09247781276026584,0.0,0.07950467816894978,0.17321739115036403,0.14544199012388714,0.0,0.0,0.07873096957336732,0.0,0.0,0.08473048998510532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006295076542384,0.08563055143454378,0.0,0.08941660854698869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623134303970096,0.0,0.08428857140755862,0.13273425960817764,0.07581927070594388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849485217114742,0.0,0.0,0.1338821879221642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21346191339013573,0.0,0.06611875559379424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130897003026072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473704367995621,0.06610752506021708,0.06680596953991975,0.1014183379786645,0.07488295507481063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818967792140873,0.0,0.08487423322071208,0.0591630673964925,0.0,0.0,0.10726524341518463
suicidewatch,vp191049829,2019/04/11,"I've never been so close to the edge In recent developments:

*fractured my hand trying to let out stress (that garbage can took a beating)
*stepped out on a ledge on the 7th floor looking down at the pavement below
*called up a suicide hotline and had a nice chat for 30 min 

I've never been so close before. I'm living abroad. Away from home and friends. Work is more than a struggle. Is it going to be like this forever? Why does my brain work this way that I default to terrible thoughts of ending it whenever the pressure/stress amounts to so much? 

My depression is manifesting outside of me now. People are asking what's wrong and why I look so down. I can't hide it anymore. It's worse than ever. 

Have you been there? How do I get better?",2.441119691119688,4.601973459459458,3.3625868725868737,89.78337837837843,77.91891891891892,5.850193050193052,25.43629343629344,6.868970318607317,0.9978131274131274,584,22,118,6,14,186,103,148,0.151,0.747,0.102,-0.8696,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,4,8,9,0,2,9,0,14,2,2,1,3,12,22,8,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,6,3,9,4,22,14,3,25,0,1,2,0,5,14,0,0,8,78,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837960926968847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492980570323909,0.0,0.15004352252420594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358930421661301,0.0,0.0,0.14124178086218556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827815322115148,0.1630716810827488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754948189154753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975465379936694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144690743164734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445790421873808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338391884290545,0.0,0.08343672286527014,0.0,0.09076126016695447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019224447748293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330419573738478,0.0,0.07802141331174647,0.0,0.1410181344124714,0.0,0.2682157635594168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739796570468225,0.0,0.2463411600486776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071595713728824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768460505315174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658719025525473,0.16695324312830345,0.0,0.17468601413558338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678405895061845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774327127342466,0.10842590049607086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676252417401376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882090424062284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252718306322745,0.0,0.1627480688558705,0.0,0.17460701430762454,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ifuckupeveryoneelse,2019/04/11,"How to make it look like a natural accident I'm 53 and ever since I was 20 I knew I wanted to end my life.  It's been 33 years, I've tried a few times but somehow keep ending up not succeeding.  The ONLY thing that barely keeps me wanting to stay alive is the fear of my sons doing the same...........I've been fucking up every one else's life around me, maybe it's time I just get down to it.  I just want to know how to die without it looking like Suicide, something that comes across as an unfortunate accident but was planned by me............any ideas?",2.3122910521140625,3.644966345132744,3.717286135693218,90.77429695181914,75.81415929203541,6.792133726647003,24.059980334316613,7.3871296695380915,0.8524304818092427,419,13,94,5,9,138,80,113,0.231,0.679,0.091,-0.9717,0,0,1,0,0,2,30.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,1,1,6,0,6,3,0,3,1,22,20,6,2,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,5,2,9,3,15,15,1,13,0,0,2,1,1,5,1,1,8,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631960771853445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227042718086398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473441025926382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752250118854965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428900096111218,0.0,0.3029983877093561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472417483323855,0.14411668287467036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247837808005772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158132618217738,0.0893663670806874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930942017067562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040735245313002,0.0,0.0,0.09400439828439644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24163481148737176,0.16713240939317406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872772031301196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141769501385698,0.0,0.17184233477416408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590764988604968,0.13009094444653893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414940139440409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168235485769988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231613694846005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871005227315881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363776758348552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994808189229611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613146456425825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026684943582444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488573057817665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015034774444324
suicidewatch,NelsonTheGiraffe,2019/04/11,"I hate people My ex friend just tried committing suicide and she blaming me, I’m the only One who every ones making fun of me because of how I reacted. I want to die.
It sucks that every time I’m upset my mum goes “do you have anything sharp”",-0.3324369747899176,1.928232843137252,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,93.11764705882356,4.4829131652661065,19.050420168067227,6.18269132825596,0.12728907563025205,189,6,39,2,7,65,42,51,0.311,0.55,0.139,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,7,8,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,9,2,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,23,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537083134954045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743556867860461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968445388491349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819698909374977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097903897014998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823864251114325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092117271988127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38763033023028015,0.21753178416332547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829087968918133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128604431372935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678108776628026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418941719302127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870253823299586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sththro,2019/04/11,"I have become a huge disappointment to everyone I know Little backstory: I had an amazing childhood, I was popular, I was good at everything I participated in, for example: sports, academics, relationships etc. I was motivated and everyone expected great things out of me. 
I lost my motivation to achieve things after I was accepted into University. I failed my first year and I moved to another country so I could be closer to my girlfriend at the time. I still couldn’t find any motivation and I gained weight, I started failing my classes and I eventually lost her. 
It’s been 2 years and I still miss her every single day, I’m still struggling at University, I can’t cope with the stress but I can’t quit because my father has spent a massive amount of hard earned money for my education despite of his gradually worsening health problem. I keep fucking up and now I’ve lost my will to live. I let everyone who cared about me down. I let myself down. I am in so much pain and I feel myself slipping away.
 I need something or someone. I don’t want to let go but I can feel my grip loosening with every passing day.",2.5726323987538926,5.279630429906547,4.5398364485981295,78.39579828660437,81.14953271028037,7.865732087227412,28.54283489096573,8.72156446121922,2.78091339563863,888,42,161,23,24,302,131,214,0.153,0.73,0.117,-0.8579,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,13,7,18,1,2,5,0,20,4,0,3,0,29,36,12,0,6,3,1,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,11,1,1,8,1,2,3,4,12,0,1,10,5,42,6,26,19,4,30,0,7,0,1,7,14,1,1,13,117,46,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947730287881243,0.12255099907250865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109805554256723,0.0,0.0,0.07124438688109333,0.12907648616731662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915929562229648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331317555382658,0.0,0.0,0.15074617855956324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303437233961213,0.0,0.0,0.1969402318212056,0.3350300261881695,0.10503746060794486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818848803914568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681934115765164,0.09941168272920847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804673639823656,0.0,0.0,0.0664213310245584,0.09802710203983964,0.0,0.12885233598315154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046947975126665,0.0,0.0,0.1242299947145661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388164162778282,0.0,0.0,0.06423006560053092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585301269336513,0.0,0.0,0.11713694135930837,0.1032005524058022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827403958127131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242169639825641,0.08591472977938612,0.08665947257566678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436057253501598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183119169977797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430828228465815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547731903080628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902568394151016,0.08997415488320161,0.0,0.0,0.08272295199141352,0.0,0.280003571324295,0.0,0.13387704570939726,0.12218050528441368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552897821760048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814929045504123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893442435544292,0.0,0.0,0.1423192106803696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052410718363676
suicidewatch,slytheringurl201-,2019/04/11,"My friend wants to die I’m super stressed out because one of my closest friend told me he wants to commit suicide, that he only have a couple of things to do before he acts, but I deeply care about him and i feel really sad, I just was with him and my boyfriend, he seemed fine but there was clearly something that was a bit off, is laugh seemed fake, I don’t know how to deal with that, it look like his decision his made.. I don’t know how to make him change his mind or simply be there for him, he doesn’t want to talk about it and he closes himself like a clam. 

I don’t want to lose my friend.

Help",3.683430232558141,3.6502981472868217,4.053788759689927,94.7192877906977,71.40310077519379,7.07015503875969,23.10174418604651,5.985473137389443,0.13621627906976785,467,9,114,2,8,146,76,129,0.124,0.613,0.264,0.9623,0,0,1,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,0,1,3,0,11,0,0,4,2,28,26,8,2,4,4,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,5,2,19,9,16,20,1,5,0,2,1,0,21,4,0,3,2,67,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188364785220944,0.0,0.14221916054381806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246760076149587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040477495808395,0.0,0.1768061535325132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493115971043889,0.0,0.0,0.17230834407462498,0.0,0.0,0.17345923738104996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450823161453108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873831304988946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202674103482406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370551482436676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330696154515045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035089703638556,0.1869807687197308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158146717365597,0.11156358526345464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687582134590272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325467149941625,0.12711332852340787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707064876617696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043059670452144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866831357844072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914520199789957,0.0,0.0,0.18281803021774007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433639062486186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103674390989147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970418958545068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943210643469537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreenDiamond1337,2019/04/11,"I don't like living Everyday is the same thing and I feel tired of living, I just want to disappear. I don't like myself.",-0.9703846153846172,1.131377730769234,1.9219230769230795,92.86057692307695,98.6153846153846,5.676923076923077,14.192307692307693,7.1686216300943375,0.05680000000000041,95,2,21,2,4,33,19,26,0.35600000000000004,0.5920000000000001,0.051,-0.7731,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925319636710614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850445507520974,0.0,0.695940536167833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618020246732678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529245036314577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324321872702041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxxdemonboy,2019/04/11,"It all started when I was born Now first things first. I don't want A SINGLE person on here to tell me to ""get therapy"" or ""go on meds"" I've been in the mental health system since I was a child and have seen HUNDREDS of therapists, psychiatrists, case managers, and social workers and have been on so many different medications I can't name them all. So that's out of the question. 

Now let me begin. I grew up within the clutches of a drunken drug addicted abusive mother that I've had to live with for 20 years. Now she hasn't physically abused me no. But imagine being falsely accused of molesting you're younger sister, along with hundreds of ridiculous claims, and constant verbal and psychological abuse. She never cared about me at all. I was molested when I was 8 by one of her male friends when I told her she didn't care, she just told me ""it never happened"". I had my first suicide attempt at 11 years old. And I've had several since. My last one was a year ago. Painkillers. Obviously, I moved away from my mother a long time ago. But the memories don't stop. Every time I try and sleep at night all I can hear in my mind is her voice. I wish I could erase memories like in Eternal Sunshine or Paycheck. But this is the real world. And the only thing that can erase memories is a bullet.",3.3824328330553968,5.1179319533073935,4.38052251250695,85.45380025940341,73.8249027237354,7.229868445432648,27.02408745599407,7.957251820313856,1.6226881230313135,1020,38,204,15,21,331,152,257,0.127,0.8109999999999999,0.062,-0.9485,1,0,1,0,2,1,32.0,0,0,1,5,11,8,3,0,12,0,25,5,1,0,7,34,38,18,1,3,6,3,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,3,8,12,0,1,2,0,0,3,8,3,0,5,14,4,31,5,29,21,5,46,0,0,2,0,22,14,0,3,29,141,39,2,0.0,0.3915791586605009,0.0,0.12009507636322267,0.0,0.0,0.1953075685023844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350275224897347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463918399103425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190482025838988,0.0,0.08795703055541335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509798602267805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775532433386025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281796426430597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811164563894046,0.0,0.0,0.08511247249240275,0.0,0.05755616976932217,0.0,0.06260876888803651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741770643521096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709923465957793,0.1241628919031732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979840492656155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265020594206325,0.0,0.053820590694394536,0.0,0.0972768752903131,0.09749171843272884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168905673464256,0.0,0.0,0.12236742590103444,0.11097869148899303,0.11101945249912867,0.0,0.11123428722154542,0.0,0.0,0.11708695188722495,0.0,0.0,0.1699306149862595,0.0,0.0,0.10338149910174456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559863988695655,0.0,0.14930002398735345,0.08378472493187603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619100006646868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340894929461788,0.0,0.0,0.1253908079643904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445402062626187,0.0,0.18225768270412307,0.0,0.1102436101129171,0.11229837666032867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797468227566255,0.0,0.0,0.09210207941622077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205015913933846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628823620986064,0.0,0.12598219315678744,0.12790895404970626,0.14637620073190422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847508805283586,0.0,0.0,0.2105329433242101,0.0,0.07479415923873826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497761150411176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668322183404204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21282611082998107
suicidewatch,WhisprWriter,2019/04/11,"Legitimately, What's the point. I'm 27 year old solitary dirtbag who's just walking through life day after day just going back and forth to work. It's life on repeat until I'm still eating alone but older, still working but older, still life on repeat but older. It would be way easier to just skip the 40 years of bullshit and waiting to die and kill myself right now. I've got all i need, i don't have any ends to tie up since i don't have any ends - not even my parents and i talk much anymore. I can just disappear unnoticed. Is there any reason i should stick around?",2.5756410256410263,4.335435324786328,3.6977863247863247,89.39026923076928,76.09401709401709,6.047521367521367,21.956410256410265,6.742157984588678,0.4458553846153843,451,12,94,4,10,146,78,117,0.172,0.797,0.03,-0.9598,1,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,12,1,1,0,2,0,9,4,0,1,1,19,15,8,2,3,8,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,12,11,2,29,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,19,56,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643165707529639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236682640377149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734105848236926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123472902685405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199429711141435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20463600783857852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465667572964596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234153784101174,0.0,0.0,0.2810387806482922,0.0,0.0,0.10478875280905414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016610667062296,0.0,0.12688922782279527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755259419567312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361837333325882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662814596415835,0.1176391247773771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647954400230874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761652846873686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997828402970265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312161826868232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548872091971895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131239329187486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38010126401783617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751920188152185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593129773084633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100242056282105,0.0,0.0,0.11270247748938128,0.0,0.0,0.20433454878827925
suicidewatch,Pdiddiehoe,2019/04/11,"I need help Before you get to thinking I’m just some crazy person over the internet im still in highschool I’ve tried finding all the outlets I could from playing sports, learning guitar, focusing on academics, and even getting extra care from therapists counselors along with antidepressants but I feel like I can’t do it anymore. All the memories are too much and people are too bad for me to see the good in the world. I have vivid memories of being that little kid around the ages of 3 who was getting verbally abused by his parents and being outcasted by everyone around his age for being different. I never really had friends. I just remember always being by myself and it got so bad that sometimes I would just run outside and find some corner or crevice to hide in because I was so scared of the world and the kids were so fucking mean to me. Public school wasn’t any better. I only had one friend the entire time who later would just fade off like the others and everyone would just use me for personal gain while I would get nothing in return. From bullying me for my lunch/lunch money to pushing me in the restrooms to having me do their work for them I was just a little bitch and those memories are so traumatic and hurt to think about to this day. plus my life at home was full of seclusion trying to find a way out of all the fighting amongst the members of my family that at times did involve the choking and hitting of my siblings and even sometime me simply for just being annoying or talking when I shouldn’t of. I found my escape in technology and sports and really didn’t develop any relationships with any of my family. My brothers and sisters never even talk to me and my parents just ignore me once I get home now a days. I used to wait everyday when I was 7-11 just for one of my parents to come in and have a meaningful conversation with me but they would never talk to me. They would just make fun of the videos I would watch on YouTube and the games I would play, with my dad calling me a faggot and a loser throughout most of that stage of my life. He would tell me that sometimes he wishes that I was never born so that maybe our family could’ve been better. Around 8 I would pace around the halls late at night with tears in my eyes trying to build up the courage to go to the kitchen get one of the knifes and slit my wrists but I was too much of a pussy. I don’t know whether I regret not doing it to this day. I still have to live with the painful memories and I feel like no one can understand the life that I lead and all the pain I carry with me. Now that I’m in highschool I’ve built I large number of friends, I play varsity sports, I’m excelling academically but I feel like my mental health is slipping. My family is coming together but the memories are almost everyday. the simplest thing triggers everything to come back like a wave. I just feel so alone and I really just want any help I can get. a lot of stuff I don’t tell my closest friends about because I’m afraid of them getting sick of me. If anyone could reach out and just let me know I’m not alone that would be greatly appreciated.",6.028189792663476,5.907275770334934,6.295960925039876,80.94464314194578,66.41626794258373,9.454704944178626,31.13277511961723,9.075114841892004,2.417194258373206,2496,86,499,39,36,802,275,627,0.154,0.7290000000000001,0.116,-0.9886,4,2,0,0,3,0,31.0,1,1,5,7,39,34,4,2,34,0,53,11,2,5,8,120,93,42,0,19,24,6,4,5,4,12,7,0,3,4,21,41,1,2,17,9,1,7,13,14,0,4,16,8,77,20,85,55,12,67,0,3,4,1,41,31,2,8,32,358,98,9,0.0,0.06733175281238445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690491945261592,0.11771310382115335,0.0,0.0,0.04728535386704338,0.0,0.0,0.15457964583727887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635799319446061,0.03973537948100138,0.0,0.0,0.2023554684096357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369713686105976,0.09489782287352456,0.06928350417707356,0.0,0.0483563457498633,0.0,0.0,0.10051929489294424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058027625747083575,0.0,0.057939817558984565,0.0,0.0,0.1468565767309957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611732947571814,0.0,0.0,0.10994785641155937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059373046082883615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126028490204376,0.0,0.0,0.1086029615104694,0.05107324000784543,0.0,0.2142890949603473,0.0,0.11493554739138626,0.12179356018430995,0.0,0.0,0.15581897592101565,0.0,0.0,0.062308844243227225,0.1756203362419881,0.05253646525908253,0.2375218012516689,0.0,0.03229659743698363,0.0476645349266526,0.045450452075665816,0.06265294536967575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040538584527139,0.0,0.0,0.07618106873920548,0.0,0.11400600703205804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060835427727300835,0.0,0.061383869020009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062462240369269666,0.0,0.06410433110116863,0.0,0.0,0.05811036404517642,0.1204176502814707,0.13881617402396107,0.11391294277684323,0.05018006482122715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831303682790617,0.0,0.0,0.03793305544390281,0.0,0.057091250070061876,0.06190222794905306,0.0,0.0,0.05726914342383474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355007040030965,0.04213715769777048,0.17531667726112976,0.0,0.0,0.05332912175436389,0.0,0.05452788965181304,0.0,0.0,0.06051984434825487,0.1540321861518965,0.04322016836542955,0.12093775557467208,0.0,0.18930192814147329,0.0,0.0,0.03939730112754911,0.09923983689132183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921619755597306,0.0,0.0,0.0610118827445894,0.06437491735024818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056894627985537224,0.05751285492699563,0.04528446792492866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861269818748942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076564696397407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505433396866657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702830744475694,0.09934015499804168,0.0,0.0,0.06598155611263536,0.0377539226002634,0.07282602998385171,0.0,0.0,0.0662735951084374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115747213743701,0.0,0.0,0.0591598338794239,0.0,0.0981620958915448,0.0,0.0,0.033518559755069906,0.04510733109933861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534926481162537,0.0,0.0,0.04137137811184299,0.0,0.0,0.44405790025003855,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thesubmit,2019/04/11,"The only thing I’m afraid of is pain and uncertainty. I’ve suffered from serious crippling anxiety and depression for years, it always occurs after a breakup. I struggle for at least 2+ years each time and I’m just tired of pretending to be ok. Nothing helps, tried everything and at this point I’m simply looking for a painless way out. 

I’m not seeking for attention as I already have many attempts at doing this, I’ve just been unsuccessful due to my weak pain threshold. There’s also the issue of not knowing where I’d go if I die and if I end up in hell burning forever then I’ll be more than fucked.",4.033351548269581,5.343149803278688,5.365519125683061,80.73840619307833,71.45901639344262,8.373041894353369,31.588342440801448,8.841846274778883,2.665095446265937,484,22,93,9,9,162,86,122,0.324,0.635,0.042,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,2,2,4,1,6,5,0,0,0,15,14,10,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,10,0,0,1,1,5,1,19,11,3,17,1,2,1,1,1,8,2,2,7,56,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448929095625425,0.16268233757986336,0.1692694738429024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562285756214345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521335785871514,0.0,0.211127495882755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017797863732074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282913749336868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806710967999915,0.0,0.0,0.11561355912542892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363543715727889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232733643480264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179942305268686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082937688176233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624538053999966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519589970879397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547171493987035,0.4329262357098286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230644250327594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212668473422364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514938752539002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186212606680042,0.2338120544996805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811514113699416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16147270935333374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620035988023696
suicidewatch,Superslut92,2019/04/11,"Hey, what's worth suffering for? Going to kill myself tonight, I am a 19-year-old male who has been chronically ill for the last 3 years and depressed for the last 7 years. I've therapy, antidepressants, healthy living, working out, keeping it positive etc. ironically these made more depressed and sicker.  (and were expensive)

​

To be honest I just want to hear any good reasons why I shouldn't kill myself. (Keep in mind I am in a constant state of emotional and physical pain, I really can't do anything that is too mentally or physically draining, so I kinda want to hear what is worth all this suffering for?)

​

Anyways thanks for giving me a read and an even bigger thanks if you take the time reply. 

​

p.s sorry for any grammatical errors, English wasn't my best subject.",6.6456164383561624,8.108451095890413,6.672493150684932,73.2283287671233,65.43835616438356,9.675616438356164,35.14794520547945,9.888512548439397,3.7125583561643833,644,30,106,14,10,205,105,146,0.21,0.622,0.168,-0.9007,0,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,0,2,5,12,2,0,7,0,12,4,0,2,1,19,24,8,2,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,7,6,0,2,1,1,3,1,3,7,0,0,4,2,11,5,14,18,4,13,0,4,0,0,7,4,0,3,7,67,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478316341892205,0.3900818371794724,0.14553916635106956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805903957354193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229902517434803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156383854933958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433286716792915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037038070311508,0.0,0.0,0.11934298318534832,0.07067823488413259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265249252099842,0.060815508296644324,0.08975381771852266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241213156456608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022849258915348,0.23677853627063225,0.0,0.0,0.17445273998608402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449063959186248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012542160890956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078395974631568,0.0,0.1080482788200272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228762628599392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386479786113238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703765467740024,0.0,0.06855251115903686,0.11002276238254438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978747491756428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045722244987799,0.0,0.0,0.1970384615230043,0.12237377046747955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623976315311507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623300351397052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655870454741422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790360559540674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900818371794724,0.20673027658584853
suicidewatch,Renegade_Phylosopher,2019/04/11,"FUCK CAN SOMEBODY HELP YOU ALL I go there too sometimes. But to hear how many of you are here RIGHT NOW makes me feel helpless. For fucks sake please don’t. You are an incredible event that has occurred in the universe and it did not have to . You will find your peace eventually but you have much to discover yet. It is not over. Consciousness it but a mirror, by which a the universe might see itself.",2.407120253164557,4.796848240506332,2.74985759493671,92.93592563291142,79.25316455696202,5.975316455696203,22.53322784810127,7.1686216300943375,0.6243278481012657,317,10,67,4,8,97,63,79,0.08199999999999999,0.8440000000000001,0.075,-0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,6,0,0,6,3,2,0,5,0,11,2,0,2,1,13,18,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,8,15,2,7,0,1,1,2,8,3,2,1,3,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896540417176367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25119524183130193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081631432004733,0.0,0.0,0.15619570509095726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097602906332543,0.0,0.1842168632395446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834552495158494,0.27864069646232786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915576997168399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203617706228427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016875367023321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347085515540229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190088107889449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718199580422365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,the_practicer,2019/04/12,"I keep having thoughts randomly I’ve been getting treatment for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I’m away from my dad and in a better situation. But I still find myself thinking how I would kill myself. And I really hate it. 

I don’t know why. I’ve been trying to get better and I’m too scared to tell anyone. I was in the hospital after a really close attempt in November and I know if I were to say something, I’d be put into a mental hospital immediately. 

I don’t know what to do or why I’m like this. I hate feeling this way.",0.4846783216783202,2.7786853,3.6936363636363647,83.65199300699302,86.9090909090909,7.020979020979023,22.097902097902107,8.139509932561175,1.5704055944055946,413,15,84,10,13,149,68,110,0.191,0.72,0.08900000000000001,-0.9214,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,3,1,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,21,24,9,1,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,2,13,3,12,17,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,3,3,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337772801223047,0.0,0.0,0.12227518878446693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429883406452722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093217158123013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061776157191464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842098615194617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983065088593718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272773198479675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453015442898604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543505713973282,0.19347094020334216,0.0,0.2883166965866632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543405955507685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762307398378376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441704716102446,0.17579555193360058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405609893761255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906593885010185,0.17507826699075124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196564452191309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462569214567874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396537136756258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284661131865498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205148511235892,0.0,0.13882953901055206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872721150642793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880595826125694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31559116206804605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242246817766211,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Tartwheeler,2019/04/12,"I hate being transgender. I don’t have money to be beautiful. I’m tired of not being sure if I’m passing. I’ve hated my physical appearance ever since I could remember, and it’s better now, but not good enough. Family doesn’t care about my pronouns. My friends just say sorry to hear that. I try to ask for help and I get sorry to hear that. My voice is barely female or close enough people can tell I’m trying. I’m tired of dirty looks, or assumptions from other people. I have almost not motivation to do anything outside of my house. I’m tired of the anxiety and depression that comes with it. Dating is a nightmare. I fucking hate college. The professors are assholes, and the rules are so strict I can’t even finish a semester anymore. . Transitioning was my final attempt at life. Before I transitioned i drank heavily. I stopped when I realized my father was an alcoholic and he nearly choked me out one night. I really thought I was gonna die and I was okay with it. I just can’t keep kidding myself anymore. I’ll never be who I want so why live. Preferably I would like to put a shotgun to my temple, or get in a major car crash.",1.7217621145374444,4.1751622863436175,3.7538431718061713,84.32188370044057,82.52422907488986,6.803806167400882,23.617444933920698,7.976525956113202,1.6141451629955954,897,33,170,18,25,304,140,227,0.249,0.657,0.094,-0.9895,0,0,1,1,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,9,12,4,0,8,1,22,7,0,1,3,36,45,14,1,5,10,1,0,1,1,2,5,4,0,1,8,11,2,2,5,0,1,5,8,5,0,1,6,5,28,7,20,32,3,19,0,1,1,1,11,5,1,6,10,112,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236176616258276,0.11582830422891037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848838524200862,0.0,0.2294301035570224,0.0,0.0,0.09518779332753437,0.0,0.1081372433097652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984279317287754,0.0,0.0,0.1023020468329674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179348091473508,0.0,0.0,0.0996407598923455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235428501320044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962769835116732,0.0,0.1200487607252268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390391726297399,0.0,0.07639993858083298,0.10463149921054447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090448010592165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671248049912606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893675183564706,0.1069364430997513,0.12086717510990334,0.0,0.0,0.09701977097096212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426049929537385,0.0,0.0,0.260740387311384,0.0,0.07753217200980142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346938720657925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028141490372629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817022052779747,0.05651125488413845,0.0,0.1021400587198679,0.0,0.09713493216206599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921299610621951,0.0,0.0,0.1085498722824588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783820058540908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603841152819689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162818118974326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410212847983973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310332671284141,0.0,0.0,0.09198662403480644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568466481879254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589695608968743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670655817962434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901902519184743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110199439647337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183025488113468,0.0,0.3988421394562449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706671896580995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822605099824415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437554232870934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216971886082476,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gintrovert,2019/04/12,i haven’t felt this bad in a while i tried to die earlier in the year and got admitted to the hospital but they released me and honestly i was feeling a lot better for a while but tonight is the worst i’ve felt since that day. i don’t know what to do because all of my supports aren’t answering me and i’m home alone and i feel like shit,0.025099999999998342,1.9754890266666685,2.2262500000000003,95.79937500000004,85.4,6.416666666666668,22.708333333333336,7.6454224807358475,0.8778333333333337,267,10,65,5,8,90,52,75,0.209,0.591,0.2,-0.4142,1,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,6,0,6,1,1,0,1,15,15,8,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,4,9,4,7,11,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,6,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553744614244055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587750743107974,0.15030813894515788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807309435191072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590186858523969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559030394299587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493486499021356,0.1761512458532805,0.4734960048120089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972063320656936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24733204460561434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550964570520074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046273363830932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096268870532807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531028442534034,0.2039670914222141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798072374012706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740635444225646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878442785194408
suicidewatch,rudracadabra,2019/04/12,"Lost Everything I'm 21, on a gap/work year to get a break from education, the past 4-6 weeks have been the worst of my life. Me and my girlfriend broke up, this was probably the most painful, we are still trying to be friends because there wasnt any drama, we just grew apart, but shes honestly always been the one constant in my life for the last couple of years and it's so hard. Shes still my best friend, but I can feel myself burdening her with all of my pain on top of hers. I'll always love her and want her to be happy.

I also lost my job a day or two later, and with that I lost all of the friends I had made whilst working there, the only couple of friends I have aside are so closed off emotionally that they dont really give me any opportunity to talk with.

This has all just put everything into perspective, my mother has battled depression for the best part of 25 years and I've seen her suffer and I dont want that for myself.

Just trying to reach out to anyone at all or a bit 9f reassurance/wise words would be deeply appreciated.

Thank you",6.396737235367374,5.024292351598174,6.938015774180157,80.78069738480698,66.12328767123286,10.338065587380656,29.498132004981322,9.339509955726095,2.098731506849315,831,21,184,13,11,274,130,219,0.138,0.637,0.225,0.98,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,1,8,10,22,1,0,12,0,20,5,0,1,4,32,33,13,0,3,7,1,2,0,5,1,4,0,0,0,6,14,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,11,0,2,10,3,28,11,28,19,10,26,0,6,1,1,20,11,0,3,12,123,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756100458224236,0.182212837549326,0.0,0.0,0.14891712545167005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655960730135107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674552931845554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298109634577516,0.0,0.11953730410164687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832234848734277,0.0,0.0,0.2423024381744573,0.0,0.07061351722687499,0.0,0.09430561337247484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566484722078866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316417314492432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968093547704937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055362629526777334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33837411778705884,0.0,0.05720524148395228,0.10503505338076168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165566583454071,0.0980836523800008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865427712759004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925089107363961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467539068231376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585715510852984,0.0,0.09882113411082806,0.10360432300043572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419486008178305,0.0832738773550068,0.2330151918929236,0.0,0.0,0.1185695611391329,0.10452285153307736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805128819096555,0.0,0.0,0.11007006863088528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701436126112748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488148795300745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800581533941189,0.0,0.10080585875641736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867625688051725,0.0,0.10695813055918038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916286723180687,0.0,0.0878281705751424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594234912628844,0.0,0.0,0.07778023447354987,0.0,0.0,0.2115284792736276
suicidewatch,hoursleft54321,2019/04/12,"My story before I die tomorrow morning I won't say my name but I was born very unlucky. I've never known my father and was brought up in a poor household. 

When I began going to school I was bullied for my entire 13 years relentlessly for being skinny and weak. I developed social and trust issues which I've never been able to overcome.

Going into high school my skin began breaking out horrible to the point it started to hurt. My adopted father said it was nothing and refused to let my mother or grandmother take me to a dermatologist. This only made the bulling worse and as a result my grades slipped badly.

Fast forward to my junior year I found out my mother and adopted father are divorcing. This is when I attempted suicide. I was told to just get over it until I I spoke with my school counselor and she basically forced my family to take me into the ER.

I never truly got over my depression and as a result I almost flunked high school. I'm actually missing a half credit which is why I can't go to any university.

The friends I had left all went on with their lives and I got stuck at home by myself.

I've worked 3 shit jobs that all made me wanna kill myself. I feel like I should've graduated now like my other friends but no. One math teacher who refused to help me ruined everything.

A little over a year ago a met a girl who I'd end up dating. We were into the same stuff, hobbies etc and hit it off or so I think. A few months ago she tells me she never really fell in love with me and it was basically a chore dating me. That broke me. I saw her on Snapchat with another man and I feel used and pathetic.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to smash the lock on my step dad's gun locker and shoot myself. I've been mentally preparing myself months now and I'm ready.

Goodbye Reddit. This is truly it for me.",2.3610038363171384,4.409789793478262,4.214872122762149,84.12194373401537,77.69565217391305,6.720716112531973,23.595268542199488,7.724431198458867,1.2599386828644503,1436,47,280,22,34,486,198,368,0.229,0.6759999999999999,0.095,-0.9962,1,0,0,2,0,2,26.0,1,0,1,2,6,17,2,0,17,0,18,5,3,5,6,52,51,25,3,1,5,6,3,2,2,1,1,3,2,2,17,25,1,2,5,0,2,9,7,10,1,2,25,7,55,7,41,22,5,58,0,6,1,1,31,23,1,3,29,185,72,11,0.10020409976692804,0.0,0.0977847467573544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764977694793613,0.0,0.10033993146435606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814222398650623,0.10507273556203224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366623777734147,0.0,0.0,0.08526630852097515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863056442987494,0.0,0.1039960353709778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875109024095898,0.0,0.11175405899766017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005698367286306,0.0,0.09446350732375784,0.0,0.10133240727695812,0.07158582889521924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986862333044302,0.15483487782582378,0.0,0.05235250635652043,0.0,0.22779319640772205,0.0,0.16028474480466606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716469586200144,0.2117422659811946,0.10051288220912977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072705612709824,0.0,0.0,0.10458704631424012,0.09943710727243464,0.0,0.11086098991958353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887204759000624,0.102465481047153,0.0,0.09790932328307214,0.10043083252801377,0.08848205591840823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043811226890827,0.1896310840664795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098216430927212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599639128621729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091343165082316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614853624588296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790089130455547,0.07620973324241781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472526310710212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419331218331152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531704538630524,0.07968632203272992,0.0,0.4056475944227988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285806843914544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214546071254353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092497756270275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470972061230575,0.10960702136151353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068202494129382,0.0,0.08758279987077458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642067410664343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574931147965676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654416936972195,0.0,0.08267887652999263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928902043858592,0.09041861428895594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294977805539192,0.0,0.10211653833823907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358446478832328
suicidewatch,Thatisanicetnetennba,2019/04/12,"It's all I can think about. I work myself into these panic's where all I can think about dying. I think about not having to live everyday in my head anymore and I could cry from imagining the relief. I set up all the different ways to do it and put it all away again. 

Then hours later I feel ""normal"" again and its horrifying to look back at how I was just acting. I feel terrified by the idea of death, I feel insanely guilty for even thinking about leaving my son. I cry so hard I start shaking when I think about how I could have accidentally done it, I could have slipped and it would have all been over. Then a day or two later I do it all over again. 

The only relief I get from this cycle is being on certain anti depressants, but I just got a job and subsequently lost my health insurance, and cant afford my medication out of pocket right now. I should be able to get back on antidepressants in a few months but I dont know how to cope till then. Does anyone else go through this? How do you deal with it? Its physically and mentally exhausting and its ruining my relationships, because I'm just not myself when I get into this headspace either.",4.302516233766234,5.262002181818184,5.365300324675324,82.31080762987013,70.47186147186147,8.718722943722941,25.69291125541125,9.017664075816787,1.7756599567099562,908,26,187,17,16,300,131,231,0.132,0.843,0.026,-0.9537,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,23,9,0,2,7,0,22,4,1,4,7,49,40,22,2,6,9,1,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,14,12,0,0,11,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,5,5,29,3,31,28,8,39,0,3,1,0,4,14,0,1,19,146,43,2,0.12469908384081801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123667983526706,0.08719249881961523,0.12776894765087435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171588941112744,0.19177179651701665,0.0,0.07601540409431183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986862147702744,0.0,0.2739521763625228,0.08042059297951132,0.1285592799214864,0.10740313818873903,0.0,0.12941796158043364,0.13028400176658705,0.0,0.0,0.10912500860139676,0.12761045736633092,0.14614639755112288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417008351205416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236256881179102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915481073447749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545037362583065,0.0,0.07086936303825167,0.0,0.099733248825603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170588572514592,0.0,0.12797723570723832,0.13254929493074255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280347886560933,0.0,0.0,0.14077008723163115,0.0,0.0,0.12374459932772346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853135531613673,0.0,0.0,0.1320383246611122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101115756245648,0.0,0.10471582415949622,0.0,0.1361237805278064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562120796063836,0.12566734697401322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953361902308586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217862604157699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483927241686724,0.0,0.1463075069686472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535702137808727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338801487156717,0.0,0.10649233625584012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826265336519318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995106889843794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181288542692158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898032848825727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078241819503613,0.0,0.0,0.08858265136901652,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zxchary,2019/04/12,"My sister talks about killing herself and idk what to do. Today she sent me this: “I’m going to be honest with you. I really feel like I’m at one of my lowest points. I’m devastated. I don’t care what happens right now. I just want this all to end. I want this to end. I just want my mind to shut off... I want everything to get better.. I dont want to be on this earth. I don’t care about graduations I don’t care about going home. I just don’t want to be here. I could jump off of a bridge. What’s wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with me. Don’t even call me. I don’t want to talk. I want it all to end. I want this to end. I hate this and I’m screaming for help and no one hears me.”
But every time I try to reach out, today for instance, she shuts down. She doesn’t want to talk. I know She’s safe now and she’s around people. But idk what to do because she’ll be alone eventually. Am I supposed to just hope she makes it through the night? Am I supposed to hope I don’t get that call that she ended her life? What the fuck am I supposed to do?",-1.6574466921815194,0.2444295593220325,0.7790322580645181,103.0367167851285,94.50847457627121,3.892618917441225,13.54510661563696,5.4233941145090725,-1.3602158009841443,800,14,212,5,31,268,100,236,0.154,0.674,0.172,-0.7061,1,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,1,12,16,4,0,4,0,22,3,0,1,2,35,54,6,1,13,6,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,16,9,0,1,2,0,0,4,10,7,0,2,1,3,40,9,35,47,2,26,0,0,0,2,20,11,2,2,12,135,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706200053461876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342752822489738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571286908693925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288460280056915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138999001652174,0.0,0.2866505641426441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482497630519441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983500603397044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150248838649327,0.0,0.0,0.0618988452264239,0.0,0.07896016876556139,0.0,0.08422632125099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047385863596371716,0.06695106559919659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732787346024493,0.09792597617296953,0.0,0.10652246031869717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287316579120718,0.0,0.0,0.09252561291964108,0.0,0.0,0.10562527390901742,0.0,0.06281617504476861,0.0,0.09400526157485314,0.1861632030745649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368338989776778,0.0,0.05150412155750202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619471498407233,0.04578513392289353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255647210475099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462692013498264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794655949429878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700941228547574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497120097885871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859235692398737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003717106224104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800333541655741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259772483897551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054646827880943986,0.0,0.17766451303441122,0.0,0.0,0.06362733209006784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527640269870456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049284983343818,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,away_throw_trash,2019/04/12,"Gonna fucking do it What happened today was just the push to I needed to kill myself. Finally. After 8 years of wanting to.

Got about 1200~ pills to swallow. Starting soon.

Farewell, folks. My story ends here. Hope y'all get better. I'll see y'all on the other side.",-0.5363807890222994,1.1340814339622654,1.206072041166383,94.99737564322471,112.01886792452831,2.6819897084048034,18.02572898799314,4.851557810540192,-0.4592113207547173,208,7,40,1,11,67,46,53,0.086,0.807,0.106,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,1,5,4,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,8,9,0,10,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,7,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682109572311596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686004821522775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322091467367706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803612112816197,0.15844209249783314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425466527751967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681739475680233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012080001033976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33551492453144605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248652343444292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416608772034156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146506946366451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287457305077657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887202663909973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952910491509187
suicidewatch,BrettBusiness,2019/04/12,"Just reached out to my religious mom. Told my mom today how I’m done with life and don’t want to be alive anymore (I’ve been suicidal for several years now, even with two attempts). She obviously has no idea how to handle it, and tries to explain how good life can be. I tell her that none of what she said is good enough for me, but she just called me delusional.
  
What makes it so so so much worse is that she’s deeply religious (non-denominal Christian) and can’t talk about anything without talking about god. She said something like “I’m happy with life because I know my god loves me and because I have a purpose. You’re sad because you have no purpose.”
  
I couldn’t talk to her anymore. I knew that she’d be religious about it, but I figured I’d reach out to her before I ended it all.
  

I’ve been planning out my suicide for a while now, and I don’t see why I should put it off any further.",2.4958064516129035,3.941596537634407,3.6470752688172077,91.0006129032258,75.55913978494623,6.680430107526883,26.916129032258066,7.3011,1.1882800000000011,700,27,155,8,15,227,102,186,0.139,0.745,0.116,-0.8129,0,0,1,0,0,3,20.0,0,1,0,2,14,6,0,0,2,0,18,4,0,4,2,30,30,14,2,3,5,2,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,10,11,0,0,5,0,0,1,8,1,0,1,7,3,26,5,21,17,4,12,1,1,1,1,22,5,0,0,7,102,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060720281439047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642749033055966,0.0,0.0,0.10964448207754507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436640793421919,0.0,0.11337671794986125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605208697238666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363499279261206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801035485799885,0.1376716770240083,0.0,0.08800321347536243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350938429236786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418355712956247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504108020950547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322476191124454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823322929066849,0.06509392703330145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202535506050149,0.0,0.08893817887494064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120962051073306,0.0,0.0,0.09794611875209508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394216416659493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534819193660493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617436590416243,0.0,0.0,0.15052233416848454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025740205601381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914840471408885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32127778729754397,0.11645690508303465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262951514714945,0.12731573431318405,0.0,0.09046064863258056,0.0,0.1301553061654942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858791305475919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022762457383104,0.0,0.0,0.12843780274643474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578209454608525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580165540367551
suicidewatch,Slickbick,2019/04/12,I am thinking about slitting my wrists tonight it would be nice to talk to someone right now,7.195,7.054837388888894,5.196666666666669,89.86500000000002,64.0,7.2,40.22222222222222,3.1291,2.2918222222222218,75,4,15,0,1,21,17,18,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923608666779076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.488499336861613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633999371332422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36942269461132177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095565233529569,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justincrest,2019/04/12,"Im done No job, no relationship, no friends. I am so fucked in the head right now. Don't know if I should go to the hospital soon, cause I think I'm gonna end my life soon",0.6619166666666665,1.236662025000001,2.8850000000000016,98.1266666666667,78.75,7.333333333333335,20.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.1880833333333336,131,3,38,2,3,45,32,40,0.266,0.66,0.073,-0.8016,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,4,3,1,1,0,5,10,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,7,0,7,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,4,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103020755709863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309115489881299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26753830535768097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23337325046553065,0.27925252685059365,0.0,0.0,0.1716694566046179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100039505048823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32628005038347985,0.0,0.299751080207684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600601477325505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213356145124986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243027931231676,0.0,0.2579602907920721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354987810082866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TurtleShoe511,2019/04/12,I want to die I’m in an odd position and one that I haven’t read about or seen any of online. I want to die. I don’t want help. I’m not depressed but I’ve been pushed beyond my limits and stretched as far as I can go. It’s not a matter of being sad I’m more tired. I don’t hate the world. In fact where I live today was nice and sunny (it’s springtime here) and the beautiful array of flowers blooming took my breath away and nearly mad me cry. I love living and everything about life and I’m thankful and religious and all of that. I just don’t have anything left. I love my life but I don’t want it anymore. I’ve gotten to the point where I spend half an hour every day praying I’ll die sometime that week. Cause I don’t have the balls to kill myself. What are my options? Has anyone else ever felt this?,0.061238038277512175,2.0523085568181827,2.035131578947368,96.97039473684212,85.5909090909091,4.614354066985647,17.785885167464112,5.750287758089431,-0.5122227272727269,630,15,147,4,19,209,103,176,0.205,0.596,0.2,-0.613,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,3,0,7,0,14,6,1,1,3,27,31,14,4,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,1,2,1,3,8,5,0,2,6,2,19,4,17,24,2,20,2,2,1,2,3,12,0,2,5,88,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719652052323488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174701494503436,0.09993917650165224,0.14644749930986606,0.11761826677665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428636127917667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468273024535652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700063237748796,0.09217728525907136,0.0,0.12310441069571705,0.0,0.4450127481136484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939871552300325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928732936418924,0.1204237221867491,0.0,0.1284552359716555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723411204988686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122976032482009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111265058811862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580219660985212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407561282852704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581295979432473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529261578084286,0.0,0.20190974999409347,0.0,0.0,0.2524175895906953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257997738288326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685228906729064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511396372213316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296753046551172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136028919883412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315896837219074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642756895621378,0.13547983935814153,0.0,0.15879921348241824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372125600103809,0.0,0.11464890364937225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KoolAidChemist,2019/04/12,"My best friend of 8 years seems indifferent to my desire to commit suicide Every time I try to open up about it he just tells me to “tell my parents” or “get help”. He gets frustrated at me for not taking his advice and then gets angry if I continue talking about it or asking for any other help.

He hardly even tells me not to commit suicide, in fact I can’t recall him ever telling me not to, it’s mostly just shame for not taking his “advice” of talking to someone else instead. He simply gets uncomfortable and makes it out as if he’s the victim for being put in an uncomfortable situation.

Thoughts? Thanks.",6.05992857142857,6.0906728500000025,6.927380952380954,75.93000000000002,66.33333333333334,8.857142857142858,29.642857142857146,8.418075326091056,2.1547857142857136,482,15,89,6,7,161,75,120,0.19,0.654,0.155,-0.7269,2,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,4,23,13,8,2,3,10,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,1,13,3,21,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,19,6,0,6,5,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865089916995567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969210333286392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704994048351152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384622988502802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246435388481855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682702013637848,0.13260686420892673,0.12351567825002152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326174680474213,0.0,0.30636695828784005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132358791743098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965239585230136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785573158902472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162780442657209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473721255701633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345789740350714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647830153399413,0.0,0.0,0.12421255325130462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207102398578369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204478680330028,0.23566087003356675,0.5125346972313558,0.13496833298685115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638294616031422,0.08548284680048575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953085462213188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440471873032456
suicidewatch,Dipshit_Kris,2019/04/12,"I will never be the best at anything I know intellectually there are plenty of places in the world for generalists, as well as for specialists who aren't ""top of field"" (by whose metric?), and that there's no moral or creative imperative to do your preferred cool or good thing COOLER or GOODER than EVERYONE ELSE.

I know chances are high that whatever you like to make will be enjoyed by someone and make their life a little better.  And whatever you're even moderately capable of doing can be of great substance in your community, friend group, organization, whatever.  That all cool stuff in the world is based on networks of small players and to be one of those players should be a point of pride and enough for a sense of self.  That valorizing eXcELLeNcE and pWnAgE and bEiNg tHe VeRy BeSt poisons your mind and self-worth, sets you up to admire assholes, kills your curiosity for other subjects, and, worst of all, fails to incentivize the kind of work that actually makes people's lives better.

And yet COMPETITION and DOMINANCE are buried so deep in our cultural subconscious that my mental illness has taken root in them.  And every time I see someone doing well at what I'd like to do, instead of, ""oh cool, I can learn from this,"" I go straight to, ""I will never be this good, I will make an ass of myself if I ever try, I will contribute nothing and then I'll whine selfishly about it while using better people's resources, I'd be more useful dead.""  There's infinite room in my empathy to tolerate someone else having a learning process and an aspiration, but me?  No.  I come out the gate perfect or I don't deserve a single word of praise, and I'm irredeemably an embarrassment.

You tell yourself you're a rational person and can control your emotions (see the Geek Social Fallacies).  You try to reason yourself out of the self-hatred and deathwish that only make you LESS useful to humankind.  Hell, this week with some good music I bought myself two upswing days because I know how music helps me.  But I still get anxious thinking about how someone who definitely doesn't remember it frowned at me one time.  I hollow my stomach out with dread if I think a fictional animal on a TV show might be hurt.  I feel gripped with guilt about a rude comment I made at the age of 8.  And today a minor inconvenience left me a sobbing wreck - so much for the upswing.  How well does that bode for the emotionally rocky process of building a new skill?

Best case scenario, I slog through the treatment process and develop ambition for the benefit of a culture hostile to my gender showing that ambition.  It is possible to learn to love your niches and find your people, I've done some work there, but you'll still always be a person who was raised on a ideal you physically cannot meet.  I imagine even the most self-actualized among us gets the occasional reminder that the world wasn't built for them.  But acknowledging that anything could be unfair to me makes me feel extremely whiny, lazy, and ungrateful, so that's fun too.

And for the record I feel like writing all that makes me look like a twat and it's all super obvious - even if I *intellectually* appreciate that obvious isn't always bad.

Sigh.  Good luck with your similar struggles, kids.  I feel obligated to end with a moral but maybe being cathartically pessimistic is one of the skills I need to learn.",7.404107931460871,7.595663414944362,7.4139917859035505,73.02788045398344,63.499205087440394,10.486504151210038,34.960298533827945,10.190243380029422,3.526737113584172,2684,110,477,55,36,863,313,629,0.136,0.685,0.18,0.9787,0,0,0,0,0,0,72.0,2,15,3,19,25,53,5,4,38,3,44,6,2,17,10,101,76,45,2,8,12,0,5,4,1,8,3,0,2,4,30,32,0,1,19,3,1,2,10,17,4,5,6,11,58,35,76,49,16,51,4,4,3,2,40,31,3,12,21,329,88,8,0.0,0.0,0.06948323140784217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849213332951178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043839882570039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718694939342135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945099571543694,0.043404297224723866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241674490847655,0.18891810124970956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061334527668101366,0.0,0.0,0.07985950017866665,0.05684928994449605,0.0,0.0,0.045919631188705984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230966426369364,0.07286473427989902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896086906469107,0.1601861408009386,0.06306415617369318,0.07357107053006899,0.0,0.14108545996006572,0.06440661020869097,0.059991058465702726,0.06803690542034539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440082085892203,0.05086697956064007,0.0,0.0,0.06507766626855893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501076600767255,0.0,0.07440058771082414,0.0,0.04046594152972886,0.2388846425258332,0.0,0.07850085226288728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772544041656264,0.07522920165913134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622359804782335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877486082567918,0.0741463000777812,0.11739286335954666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736157148633263,0.0,0.050292331929032166,0.13914350432474318,0.07136346933885561,0.06287298756396273,0.0,0.05979204886303827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426290900422409,0.06737339377176524,0.33269689311463513,0.0,0.07153233995320904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175523098890857,0.07553445097874799,0.07189408516972495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052341926579424616,0.05279564706325287,0.10983129763247604,0.06876768209888863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832058388488414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447456837523075,0.05415260258895724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808825173926002,0.12434230710834662,0.07439131059919657,0.0,0.06730924397617763,0.08026996152268054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732078838804502,0.0,0.0,0.08065839277834362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347812318808725,0.0,0.2971183567525854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258183836751117,0.2413181111855144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372459188986388,0.0,0.0,0.07443616541023212,0.08150966614263187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062234000215479035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047303683536356236,0.09124719335895652,0.0,0.0,0.08303733635890481,0.0,0.06749151094378485,0.0,0.0,0.09668345595271234,0.0,0.06955435872328639,0.0,0.08564767106975814,0.1844879312998868,0.0,0.05874940316334992,0.0,0.0,0.05711423760172583,0.0,0.19205841564382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367233086672177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,choxopie,2019/04/12,"lolhelpme it's so funny how i easily give other people advice and tell them to hold on one more day, yet here i am, with a suicide plan.",3.0358620689655176,3.6505631034482815,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,73.13793103448276,7.179310344827586,21.396551724137925,7.1686216300943375,0.6304344827586208,106,2,22,1,2,37,28,29,0.13699999999999998,0.669,0.195,0.2275,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288846200598565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28305195980302994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42102955460948616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974076547693543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30427559915384994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480081579830385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836149217963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xenith97,2019/04/12,"Gods, I am tired. I... I just want the pain to stop. It's been 20 years, my happiness is always a lie. Or something just gets in the way. They lie, they say they love me but they hurt me as soon as its convenient, they all get bored of me eventually. And nobody gets it they say your smart find someone on your level... who is? Why should that matter. Just let me end. Please.",-1.2188511488511509,0.7379407012987045,0.5122077922077928,101.93996003996008,103.02597402597401,3.927672327672328,12.41658341658342,5.873414542411696,-1.1763498501498502,282,5,68,3,13,90,57,77,0.14800000000000002,0.71,0.142,-0.3716,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,6,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,0,1,12,11,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,16,3,6,8,1,8,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,1,4,44,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934137261681944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154340304842128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079782735234008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35665935800542203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422331815427093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359896770586836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326871894099403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053744338516196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421312179040863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497836048543334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619167375924113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928039487739714,0.17518053558032934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024354033754384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615373837246934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421598006876975,0.1806200712686798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053301562070127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146535934393664
suicidewatch,propermarinov,2019/04/12,"BPD/OCD - after a certain while you realise you're at fault I really really know this is childish. I am a child, really. I can't control myself, I can't pause and collect my thoughts. I know I've hurt everyone I've loved, and I know they are far too kind to admit it. Since I was 14, I've set myself a timer of 6 months+ to solve my issues and stop causing people harm. I cant do that. I am fundamentally broken, and now I know for certain that people I know will be fine with me going away.

Take care, I know this isn't eloquent.",1.9371583087512287,3.176659628318585,4.239410029498527,87.03093411996069,76.61061946902655,6.792133726647003,23.17502458210423,7.3871296695380915,0.8534039331366761,410,12,90,5,9,143,71,113,0.154,0.665,0.181,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,2,9,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,2,2,18,24,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,8,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,19,6,8,20,0,10,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,54,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902512602582706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265819804170227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342346246546348,0.18481030437373572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177691244956386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190536727160238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224322369869354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259026459565787,0.0,0.0,0.1877723644239618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734166211636485,0.5932210810062284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236980365378625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359714323698766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944467169758944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34575209168780396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488179160402236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040726205154456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526493526935346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282317011543766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadgirlthrowawayp,2019/04/12,"Would rather be dead than homeless. I've lost everything, my relationship, my job, my money. And in a few days when I can't pay my rent, I'll lose my apartment too. I've spent the past month applying at every possible job, trying to get loans through my bank, asking friends, camming / sexsells, and I've still come up empty. And as selfish and immature as it is, I'd rather die than live on the streets or in a shelter. I've suffered with depression my entire life and my will to live has never been quite strong - and that was with a job and money to atleast pay my bills.

I've always believed I was meant to kill myself though. I always said I was never supposed to live to 30 and that's approaching soon. I think I just don't have the desire to keep going anymore. I have no desire to find the strength or the will or the hope to continue on like this. 

I'm scared as hell to even attempt to do it. Not so much of death but of the possibility of it not working or being in an excruciating amount of pain beforehand. Perhaps I'm just a coward. 

I just want it to end. I've exhausted all my options but one and I can't even do that. I hate myself for how much self pity I have, how selfish I am, how much my life is better than so many other's. It still doesn't stop the thoughts or stop it from hurting. 

Sorry for the rant.",3.13747272727273,4.1342523018181865,4.361590909090912,88.28238636363638,73.25454545454545,7.245454545454546,26.113636363636363,7.554174236665415,1.1726909090909097,1033,34,227,12,20,340,147,275,0.239,0.6940000000000001,0.067,-0.994,4,0,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,0,8,18,20,3,1,14,0,22,4,0,3,3,45,38,26,4,7,14,0,0,1,1,3,4,1,1,1,11,12,0,3,4,0,9,3,9,14,0,1,9,1,25,6,35,24,6,25,1,6,0,0,5,9,1,7,14,152,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939360309236917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155732654733914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894624667677076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129715096564756,0.0,0.10306739554915717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100386198815853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515664343262689,0.0,0.10037303955782476,0.0,0.12094687730984648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032170811531145,0.0,0.0,0.15394301352540435,0.0,0.09818734326772256,0.0,0.10473582878733742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651259238285277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003610043826282,0.0,0.060885707234682465,0.0,0.06623059157895349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505603722518375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574741170052695,0.0,0.0,0.1247551348156542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469345991053462,0.103583328925719,0.12893078566333355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462688224356806,0.056934030553978825,0.0,0.30871258668019963,0.0,0.0,0.13037495399548366,0.12721376524089978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815009992704333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930186216903775,0.0,0.25700403579073744,0.0,0.1797608443322372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896840240635877,0.0,0.12400345131665814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124763348062083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627556328455253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395131122609405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251169908967754,0.0,0.0,0.11085325467216547,0.0,0.1166737417617744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215733762319192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045349039657858,0.0,0.0,0.18613299760756136,0.1948600911254673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467212386054346,0.11449688786455207,0.0925172613473436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912088835176963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873646816152397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484023284899446,0.0,0.0,0.08278445229761011,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,highicarus,2019/04/12,"I think I might finally bite the bullet Unfortunately I can’t access guns but I think it’s time, I have dysthymia as well as depression episodes. I’m tired of being sad, I have treatment resistant type. I don’t really have anything to live for, I know I’ll make people sad but I imagine the memory will be better than my actual presence. My whole life has been a struggle and I’ve been left with ptsd from it and I think I’m done. I haven’t decided exactly how but I’ve been getting ready for years now testing out different ways. I’ve tried to get voluntarily committed to get psychiatric care and they informed me I had the ability to make decisions and therefore if I choose to kill my self that is just a bad decision.  

I know they are wrong. It’s not a bad decision, it’s a selfish decision I’ll hurt people but I don’t want to live. I just need to make sure I don’t get out alive . My biggest fear is waking up after trying. Like I did last time.",0.8797152946369451,3.2494508934010184,3.20424188920768,87.3453652615317,85.751269035533,7.08090929154712,22.778415360847497,8.18289091462,1.545936835135731,754,28,158,18,23,258,113,197,0.247,0.615,0.138,-0.984,1,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,5,16,1,2,7,0,22,3,1,5,3,39,39,12,1,3,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,13,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,6,0,25,5,19,29,1,13,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,2,8,94,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.13725292223694396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574196339452783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487171585168395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439241782802753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340080682724315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114058969687598,0.0,0.0,0.14694804144678109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393253602776196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826898224948696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540738656383722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939327337704717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056742991802186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560703824596062,0.0,0.15459378442246252,0.11464752933559773,0.0,0.0,0.15281531299281215,0.0,0.09934439408629678,0.06871389035853183,0.0,0.2483909023248725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165246208484324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920613098063618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428928957388604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501631197768005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441089934374742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010321115921144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672735380988822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470366448949264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255981236631906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27036618074636803,0.0,0.0,0.16402687150709278,0.1616550844437832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909825808702804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295829560855845,0.1116404563560058,0.0,0.0,0.12646014610625758,0.0,0.0,0.15702934205740962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377736351718166,0.0,0.09057320414809926
suicidewatch,depresseddoc18,2019/04/12,"Please tell me its worth going Ugh I can't give the full version. Long story short my marriage is crumbling and my wife hates my career and also me by proxy. We have a 2.5 year old that's perfect and I'm terrified well end up in a divorce and I won't be around her every day.

 Also we entered a Polyamorous relationship which had put us through the ringer.

I've found out I have issues in my own way, I can be controlling or dominating at times, and even sometimes exhibit some manipulative behaviors during times of conflict. But I'm not an awful person and if I had been more aware of some of my shortcomings when it came to relationships or conflict I would've corrected course a long time ago 

My wife is having a life crisis, it's not unfounded, being married to a med student/resident is incredibly difficult, but she's been very supportive. But also has built up alot of resentment.

It's coming out in gallons now, I'm graduated in just over 2 months yet life has never been worse. 

I'm losing it, every day I worry about how we might divorce, I cry, lose it, I've had my own issues with depression this year and passive suicidal ideation, and those just seem like more flames on the resentment fire.

Don't get me wrong, she was very supportive for me when going through a hard time but it's also turned into, ""do you know how hard it was on me when you said you didn't want to live?""

Yeah, I did. It sucks for everyone, especially the person WHO WANTS TO DIE.

My wife isn't awful, but she's so lost in resentment, I can feel it, it's impossible to feel settled. When I cry she just gets frustrated with me, she tells me I'm being manipulative, when I'm trying to defend myself I'm being overly defensive. 

I will totally own I have problems with those things but it's been taken so far in the other direction.

I don't know how to go on anymore. I worked for 11 years to provide this life for my family and now it feels like I'm losing everything. I'm only worth 2 million dollars dead so beyond the horror I'd inflict on my wife and child with suicide (it'd be so fucking selfish) it's not even remotely practical.

I don't want to actually die, the thought abhors me and I can't imagine leaving my wife and child and partner behind, but I'm in so much pain. I fight with my wife almost every day, it's endless.

I have my board exams in 2 months and endless paperwork to finish for my job credentialing.

I'm in a surgical residency that's high stress that I could deal with when my life wasn't high stress but now it's all wearing me down.

I'm in therapy, she's in therapy, and we're in marriage counseling.


I can't fucking go on like this, I'm on fire. There is no joy in my life, at best my days don't suck. Weekends and vacations used to keep me alive, now all I do is fight on my time off 


Please someone tell me something inspiring, I don't want to die but I hate being alive so much right now. I love my little girl and I want to be around forever for her.",2.232322069377993,4.162075590460528,4.0923253588516735,85.41200478468902,77.63486842105263,7.382344497607657,24.87033492822967,8.296473431620573,1.5996686842105263,2341,84,483,45,55,792,264,608,0.229,0.66,0.111,-0.998,1,0,1,0,4,2,62.0,4,3,0,8,36,37,13,2,17,3,50,10,1,7,6,90,100,48,6,8,18,6,7,3,1,3,6,1,0,6,29,33,0,5,10,1,3,8,17,26,1,1,18,8,72,11,68,69,16,84,0,5,0,3,43,41,4,9,37,316,101,5,0.0,0.0,0.06649665247430969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040367169513109,0.0,0.06823425711208395,0.0,0.0,0.21797217079934028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757844198609306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132145333231405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151070676005708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793616592966743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869820226238569,0.0,0.0,0.07642692089236247,0.05440575229815468,0.0,0.1497013271287047,0.17578352042845402,0.07025129376409647,0.058690507730682365,0.0,0.21216156257774896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060353486613956835,0.0,0.0,0.09001414787476111,0.0,0.1722374370995183,0.0651124935253596,0.06124153454156756,0.0,0.06423810692683417,0.0,0.10336375704589594,0.04868057794272269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471406232266818,0.0,0.1259921536742817,0.07120264738195074,0.06536790750820236,0.15490641965994786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208349328105175,0.13455201261163574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399129048227938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224485316365548,0.06762030873540541,0.06056764041286621,0.0,0.0,0.07489799845341155,0.0,0.0,0.07215241979849206,0.0,0.0,0.2406531511738265,0.09987205254780117,0.0682960726471243,0.06017053495284848,0.12060685202033672,0.0,0.2287000257958049,0.07438491954823137,0.0,0.06150071377595397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569027536394861,0.0,0.0,0.0722877741118513,0.0,0.0,0.10878040875252004,0.0,0.10018425542583506,0.0,0.05255522434327183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150344808117524,0.0,0.0,0.051824975925498964,0.07250777250736615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899773536877295,0.0,0.14959865938494665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652025834370618,0.0,0.06850141770864324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631777126240195,0.0,0.05819279948132016,0.06481853921101904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062033815018854424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773640002819755,0.052458953998276325,0.06739406897891362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611260347843794,0.0,0.0,0.1490723297838399,0.154653212508026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867703907396654,0.0,0.15585237363256155,0.0,0.045270442107227436,0.0,0.0,0.05409704703821072,0.19867041249995934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626386856395631,0.07411880600810407,0.0,0.0,0.0819663004003136,0.0588527121570049,0.0,0.1124483869293814,0.2009592532908024,0.05408785843963938,0.0,0.0,0.061267740244985235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960810556133677,0.06920139429623279,0.06944240474035586,0.04840604169164494,0.07450245673141087,0.0,0.13164342401373774
suicidewatch,Penguin12355,2019/04/12,"Lost my only reason My daughters were really the only reason I haven't literally and figuratively pulled the trigger on ending it all. Tonight I found out that my kids don't want to visit me anymore because of the bullshit their stepmother has been telling them about me. So I guess now that they don't care about me, it'll be the perfect time to just disappear. They are young enough that this won't traumatize them, plus like I said, they don't want me around anyways. So, off I go. I guess I just wanted to tell someone how this broke me. Not that any of you care about some stupid stranger bitch that's going to off herself.",6.457062211981567,6.285441088709675,6.1637327188940105,82.4227419354839,65.53225806451613,9.02119815668203,31.423963133640555,8.418075326091056,2.137796313364055,501,17,101,6,7,156,80,124,0.198,0.7340000000000001,0.068,-0.9346,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,6,2,11,8,2,0,4,0,11,0,0,4,2,21,23,5,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,5,1,23,4,15,15,3,15,0,2,0,0,14,5,1,3,6,73,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928378115252998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739580781154196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615073561626416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692738109179148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576812706634723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535984894545535,0.1812438490864151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232634413977331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937736251252014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864644320496443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569572291625678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147907624214436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681210591487026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237116363338064,0.3606982625743145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685363225328964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862303555733344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30662948525366884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022820950622174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103813978650637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jackalope144,2019/04/12,"I'm never going to be anything. 18. Never even kissed a girl. I'm failing a class, and if I don't pass it, I don't graduate high school. I'm signed up to go to a college I can't afford. I'm a degenerate, I have no work ethic, I don't even have the attention span to watch a 20 minute show. If I fail the class, I'll do it. I own an AR 15, I suspect that will do the trick if I put it in my mouth and fire, even though the bullets are small. 

Problem is that I have ~200 rounds of ammo stored up, just because I bought in large quantities for discounts. I'm worried the police will assume I planned to shoot up my school, but pussied out. I don't want to be remembered that way.

I'll update you on May 16th if I'm still alive.",1.543923395445134,2.299505291925467,3.5679658385093163,93.37857401656315,76.82608695652173,6.608902691511386,23.35455486542443,6.816661863887847,0.4552853002070396,556,16,138,5,12,190,92,161,0.132,0.8440000000000001,0.024,-0.795,1,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,4,6,5,1,0,11,0,17,2,1,0,2,19,27,8,0,6,6,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,1,3,4,8,4,0,0,1,3,16,1,15,21,1,19,0,2,2,1,2,10,0,6,4,82,22,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867748497768576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235894791153213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302321253871585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679719703299785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294071928471469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33492432620501583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077617553475439,0.0,0.21827317318923056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459632038989799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43948937398259935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339835335055934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332672953922768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280674630241621,0.17234575411043454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807145281042911,0.2205035812018236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GoldDustMetal,2019/04/12,"I thought this was kind of a support group for one another? I know it sounds dumb, I subscribed to this group to connect with others who also are going through dark times and talk in hopes of bringing each other’s spirits up. I’m not expecting anyone to save anybody but just talking helps. 

I don’t want to get into details but I’ve been really scared, sad, and lonely because I’m considering leaving this world, I even tied my scarf to my door handle to see if it was secure enough to work. I just started seeing a therapist and I plan to go on some meds to help me get out of this rut. I hope it works, I feel like my days are numbered...

I turned to this in hopes to somewhat connect with others but I feel like I get shut down in some posts. Is that just the way it is as I’m learning here? I’m kind of a newb to Reddit, too.",2.2708374384236443,3.6484018965517286,3.6341543513957326,91.14413793103449,76.01149425287356,6.120853858784894,24.497536945812808,6.5431188927421005,0.6558157635467983,646,21,142,5,14,212,108,174,0.078,0.7490000000000001,0.173,0.9366,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,7,14,1,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,30,31,9,0,6,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,14,8,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,4,5,16,10,29,27,5,18,1,2,2,0,7,10,1,7,5,92,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175793325714553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541731122086369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280635279795744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896277381333754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482177900620767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192064070340602,0.0,0.0971115109813342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868493252713022,0.2100756199365379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304503292999948,0.0,0.16712035640015338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710137241983194,0.0,0.0,0.4381000131803368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062169228324524,0.08080349557280891,0.0,0.0,0.1556828714823779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436622450538665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633164825914498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996309049932688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081349199507465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941907781247294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720204697645622,0.0,0.2343267408825903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406814351677407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684718457444636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363532734550953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071242868379086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672489495358443,0.08573400693410586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599257319770185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672173072127642,0.11670506876598767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140782622165428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bluesami,2019/04/12,"Would you feel sorry for someone who has committed suicide? If a person that you don't know kills himself, would you feel sorry for him?
I just heard that my friend's friend has committed suicide and the first thought that came to my mind was: ""Wow he must be brave! He's in a good place right now""",4.517499999999998,5.2561270833333325,4.223333333333336,91.50000000000004,69.83333333333334,7.333333333333332,26.666666666666664,7.1686216300943375,1.0116666666666672,235,7,51,2,4,71,44,60,0.153,0.569,0.278,0.8556,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,3,0,1,2,6,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,3,14,14,2,3,4,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,3,8,5,4,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,1,2,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23135592374152555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045590106338104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206037408477315,0.0,0.0,0.31256406781189217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966396085824842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379429271677306,0.0,0.11116851471894264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424645340449976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766242325433159,0.21134090959122226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274712860850688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139229268845926,0.0,0.0,0.4528747182534124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44252583059533096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605887605570515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28738966965215457,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dccthrowaway,2019/04/12,"Chose a method and set a deadline for my suicide. So I won't go into detail about the method but I have what I need to go surely, quickly, and relatively painlessly.  I also have a hard deadline set for a couple of months from now.

​

I have a personal goal to achieve, and if I don't achieve it by then, I've decided I no longer want to continue trying.  I've tried long enough, and it was a damn good try, although I do have regrets.

​

I've nearly completely given up, but I'll put in one last ditch effort.  I strongly believe in nihilism, so giving up is a moral option to me personally.  Even if I achieve wild success and happiness, it would be short lived anyway.  

​

I'm just numb at this point, and would be content with a permanent nap.

​

Thanks for reading.  I wish you all the best.",4.130925925925927,5.49065425308642,4.971296296296295,83.46583333333334,71.28395061728395,7.622222222222224,30.78395061728395,8.07648339933343,2.17578024691358,647,28,125,9,12,210,104,162,0.096,0.669,0.235,0.9813,0,0,2,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,0,8,9,10,1,0,10,0,13,1,0,0,2,23,22,15,1,8,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,3,0,1,2,1,14,7,19,15,3,21,1,1,0,0,4,9,1,3,7,86,19,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806511588147504,0.0,0.4370915911431508,0.4901839687073034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136254580098448,0.10583775619998302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574120766287713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159061339945256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104206882728841,0.0,0.06661167165697429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674624922069,0.11463281947969335,0.08458971627725767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735863079668764,0.09034341557605316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220768851021054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890539990064706,0.08925068132109201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049895534884045,0.0,0.0,0.0747803418174417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833979888928347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611982701512088,0.0,0.0,0.09533756193918347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138392801971513,0.0,0.0,0.10087910542746553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031551505122424,0.0,0.09505164068632653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285079999721617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054152838274714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948501257941029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597460832984535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143284469453129,0.0,0.4901839687073034,0.0
suicidewatch,The1WhoIsThe1,2019/04/12,"Is there any place on the internet where you can go to have a good discussion about suicide methods? I have an unconventional, kind of weird, but easy method, that some people on Reddit said is really dangerous and could easily kill you, but I want to get more peoples opinions. 

Hopefully the opinion of an actual doctor or someone who knows what they are talking about.",10.615323383084572,8.938806552238809,9.85134328358209,64.21144278606968,58.1044776119403,13.70945273631841,40.24378109452736,12.45797560212912,5.101073631840796,297,12,49,8,3,95,56,67,0.182,0.649,0.16899999999999998,-0.475,0,0,2,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,1,0,4,6,2,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,13,4,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,3,8,11,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,5,0,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.250022967934259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742308657302523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456199156094398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622407077232196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385859709321124,0.0,0.14560944556725247,0.21489590404787332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25447328857793283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28345723281979635,0.26680218566660857,0.14080573358856055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35524604009581345,0.0,0.267683812161206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413400827665245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24371337424787198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170850043687021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280250997174856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059310418378814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111867160841014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Harambe_4_life,2019/04/12,"I need help Ok so me and a few of my mates went out for a night of drinking a few days ago, one thing lead to another we ended up taking some pills to enjoy the night further. Fast forward to the end of the night where one of my friends is totally smashed and tripping a bit on the pills (nothing serious). He starting saying random stuff but then just randomly said he wanted to kill himself.

Now I've known him for long and I know that his father committed suicide but he's made peace with that I know for sure (it happened around 12 years ago).

Up until this point I haven't noticed anything that would raise any alarms, i know you usually don't see the signs until it's too late but I can't think of a single event that should make me worried, up until tonight though.

I know he's not gonna remember anything that happened that night so I can't just bring it up and have a chat about it. At this point I'm scared for his life and I have no clue how to approach this.",2.0184873487348725,3.8304582524752497,2.9233003300330047,94.09196919691972,77.86138613861384,5.8750275027502745,23.598459845984607,6.691623216298621,0.5413060506050607,765,25,169,7,18,242,122,202,0.121,0.797,0.08199999999999999,-0.9194,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,1,1,0,1,11,8,1,2,11,1,9,4,0,4,3,37,28,16,2,4,6,1,0,0,2,3,3,2,0,0,15,9,1,0,7,2,0,6,6,4,0,2,3,3,19,4,27,22,6,40,0,0,1,0,17,13,0,3,23,108,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920216465154765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408073040469027,0.12964931043964756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20349349392915544,0.11006750269809587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498492949000626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973879547932469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211219889385865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21902004528499436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955254235780024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867224388415388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828745578747804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367914409085242,0.0,0.27180141419084386,0.0,0.1394734462456766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087331928982342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941918882059323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699295328913957,0.08253192691520027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167890060081216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4641181816309956,0.0,0.11863773563505275,0.1407671202041673,0.0,0.0,0.16756589973192115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337631161377645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006216772545085,0.0,0.11761175857254945,0.09832499979898032,0.12378710925920468,0.0,0.09852658462224348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751437168515684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154039198237112,0.1352441683644417,0.0,0.11653102548928634,0.0,0.09296331976507397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214218296796609,0.07922473570630244,0.12147753688115424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617408249468885,0.0,0.07292719480768466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461727802941428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556434899521354,0.0,0.08783165677887858,0.0,0.0,0.07962132846161309
suicidewatch,gorepet,2019/04/12,"I just want to leave this shitty world My life is so fucking pathetic right now. I have no outlet, no personal space, no time to myself, no desire to live my shitty life. I’m unable to care about anyone but myself and I can’t even fucking do that well. I want to create my own beautiful life and be my own ruler and do everything i’ve ever wanted but I have no mental energy to do anything and I don’t want to live in this ugly, terrible world. I want to kill myself I am scared for my future I feel powerless and don’t know how to achieve anything I desire. My goals were the one thing keeping me alive but now I don’t give a fuck about them anymore I just want to die but I can’t fucking do it. Why is it so hard to just end my shitty life",1.3285982142857158,2.8880198062500035,3.4696428571428584,90.54250000000002,79.0625,6.321428571428572,20.17857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.3808571428571428,579,14,129,7,14,198,81,160,0.305,0.5429999999999999,0.153,-0.9884,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,1,2,13,9,5,1,2,0,16,8,0,1,1,25,32,12,2,8,7,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,7,1,1,1,2,25,2,15,30,2,11,0,0,0,4,3,5,4,0,6,92,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995965817370306,0.09162846372004743,0.0,0.2156748027632892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336072925561951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600216942890894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160653939248127,0.0,0.0,0.08655280844598698,0.11853609147872643,0.0,0.0,0.11777319306492764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625938755241266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845893673443343,0.0,0.1257085938300329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738898226391566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647723168971102,0.14497990313107073,0.0,0.07201792458387103,0.0,0.0,0.13875584487945464,0.0,0.0,0.3702387962292601,0.0,0.0,0.2314271215725944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320607403031851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879827476724375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442188187138895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191019068358428,0.0,0.0,0.1311971201566341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705929004457398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641235322660032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637561049996946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782358908114628,0.0,0.1182461202120549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ItzRyce,2019/04/12,"What I feel like. I'm extremely suicidal and kinda anti social. Gunning everyone down that's let you down, you hate or has just straight up looked at you weird then fighting the police and going down by getting shot multiple times while trying to take down as many cops as you can with you while cornered is probably the best way to go",6.259615384615388,6.80243676923077,6.178269230769235,79.71048076923078,65.92307692307692,9.576923076923078,31.634615384615394,9.516144504307137,2.8104615384615386,270,10,50,5,4,85,52,65,0.214,0.6759999999999999,0.11,-0.802,0,0,0,1,2,0,3.0,0,5,0,1,1,5,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,12,8,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,2,12,11,1,15,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,2,5,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831994528099459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578610025397303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364483761105284,0.1927866981109387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098973210296295,0.0,0.3067331821488074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26642902910991856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759482158171789,0.0,0.1318390486030994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22661285913096604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735937824035529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29095270056893363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750863739611877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29518098853043395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028997254164796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735644257662718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832159526285352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420081841959215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,REDDITMODSrNIGGERS,2019/04/12,"I SWEAR I WILL LOSE IT AND DO SOMETHING ""BAD"" IF I DON'T FUCK THIS CUNT!   

I am trying to FUCK my Wife's sister. She is 20 but the IQ of a 5 year old and has down syndrome. It has allowed me to French kiss her a bunch of times. I have felt her breast(nice C CUP TITS TO BOAST) and have rubbed her ass while frenching her . NICE CURVES. I have also felt her soft PUSSY FUR and I have put part of my finger in her, but her camel toe is small and tight. . We are going to be alone this weekend for about 5 hours. I want her pussy so bad. I know she is so tight and I would ROCK her world. Any ideas? I really WANT THIS. NEED HER PUSSY BAD. I will use lube as well because I don't want to hurt her too badly. Thanks Family Have a blessed day PS I promise NOT to get her pregnant!!! I JUST KNOW HER SLIT is SO TIGHT AND SMALL!! Can't wait to see the look in her eyes, the moment I POP HER! WOW!\\ This is what love is all about. I explained about making LOVE and how important it is. She has not had love made to her so i have a chance to pop a cherry. I told her that making love is important and she will die before she is 21 if she does not have loved made to her. She is scared and does not want to die. I told her, that if I can make love to hear and keep it a secret she will be fine. I think I got her hook line and sinker! Caring and SHARING while we suffer the burden of taking care of these rejects. God Bless you all",-0.4542318675042836,1.4565159288025882,1.1291690462592818,103.15413049685895,87.1229773462783,4.153093470397868,13.94260422615648,5.0885558068054335,-1.4067091947458596,1078,15,277,4,34,345,155,309,0.158,0.585,0.257,0.9891,1,1,1,0,0,1,39.0,2,1,0,1,12,31,3,1,10,0,35,14,5,8,2,54,74,27,2,9,10,2,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,12,15,0,5,8,2,0,2,7,13,1,0,8,12,57,18,25,59,4,17,2,4,3,11,45,6,5,3,9,176,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025876151071688,0.0,0.07921155182570604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735850426071052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308158908883669,0.06038095359878095,0.0,0.08428564067621999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019794741680256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388010628816329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559990507560091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733614958529324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933770603349989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021019418112556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831432695982104,0.05175038788245104,0.0,0.056293323335869005,0.0,0.07922063615057505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116383845962744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754590201156467,0.0,0.10603681734618924,0.11181723239521003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804163889235353,0.0,0.0,0.10887236961264443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317842146557476,0.11081343628673013,0.0,0.0,0.5363877737658392,0.18745009242117666,0.19835319426954184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344552773286307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393802222785106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726326156185273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957424526377116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345500981982855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916796020116464,0.0,0.07893132395648686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762547831334324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447449778738152,0.0,0.0,0.091193431862911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346828425421187,0.0,0.0,0.057757801349648474,0.0,0.0,0.18929615231048866,0.0,0.06724955408706823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554880454715487,0.0,0.0,0.23369286820092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905930998186366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036343522338542,0.0,0.0,0.06378600146087482
suicidewatch,Matheus_h,2019/04/12,"I have no motivation to live I can not take any more, I just think of dying, I have no motivation to live

:(",-1.0092753623188422,1.0472869130434788,2.791304347826088,88.70550724637683,92.91304347826087,6.544927536231885,16.36231884057971,7.793537801064563,0.3738231884057974,81,2,20,2,3,30,15,23,0.269,0.5539999999999999,0.177,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864899308443865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372298882910203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7440091208661948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167557527434961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699440043446301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Deric38,2019/04/12,"I just want to be likeable. I really want to be liked. I want to have friends and a boyfriend. People who want to have me around. But it won't happen because I'm not likeable. I try looking up how to be likeable on the Internet but it's all bs. 'Be nice' or 'be a good listener'. It's all bullshit, no one cares if you're nice, you have to be smart, funny, like certain things, strong, outgoing, witty, and fierce nothing else will be acceptable. I am none of those things and I have no idea how to become any of those things I am too timid, stupid, care too much about stupid stuff, emotional, and if I died no one would miss me.",1.5436046511627879,3.4165667131782937,2.6893217054263587,94.92840116279068,79.54263565891472,6.16046511627907,22.377906976744185,7.1686216300943375,0.5421674418604656,482,15,110,6,12,154,77,129,0.184,0.475,0.341,0.9657,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,1,7,16,2,1,3,0,16,0,0,2,3,24,27,11,1,7,7,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,0,2,11,12,13,17,4,3,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,3,2,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201033397618866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597199822061797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093714950360791,0.19815298978830312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658570416616288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862074682259441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498806446863199,0.20182100418249527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861783523848648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504872337808939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865866875330975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254098600568848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753090599965718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066586014657896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189281082978707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215632734565425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431564437048678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438579069828608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493970992309477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053905860923208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575918690007836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181298625864714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233013367798159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745333830586178,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,espeebz,2019/04/12,"Why is life lame I’m pretty sure my gf is cheating on me with her ex it’s really
Hard to think about a future without her but at the same time my parents were cheaters and it just leads to drama . I hate being in love I feel like she better off with him",-0.1101190476190439,1.8186034642857152,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,85.78571428571429,4.447619047619049,16.476190476190478,5.46131890053228,-0.7869666666666664,198,4,47,1,6,66,48,56,0.2,0.569,0.231,0.4945,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,2,7,2,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,1,11,9,2,0,0,3,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,9,4,10,7,1,7,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674134361315708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528826365839888,0.2160065186972027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27085576515814075,0.2985185576693259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356627877233675,0.1477181475493664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27289230410878546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357357352772037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30760949579648456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936999836749237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849713474244137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374050463190795,0.0,0.0,0.17630893463403807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728334699675017,0.0,0.0,0.29146489022406125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pickastruggleBitch,2019/04/12,"Hi everyone Tonight I'm going to commit suicide.
I already sent the letter for my mum and sisters, it should take a few days to arrive... I'm in a different city to study, living alone in a flat. Came here 4 years ago to study psychology, now I realized that I'm not motivated enough to study something that I don't like. I live in a constant struggle for the money my family is spending to keep me here and the fact that I'm struggling everyday just to get out of bed. I will never have a good carrier like all in my family. By a year now I also come to the conclusion that nobody will ever love me. Maybe there can be a few, but I don't want to be a burden for them also. Life is too complicated for me and so tonight I will end it.
Thanks for your time.",3.215385934819896,3.896631899371073,5.186895368782164,83.6202401372213,72.77358490566039,8.54911377930246,26.404230989136646,8.841846274778883,1.7979006289308184,588,19,128,11,11,204,95,159,0.13,0.8170000000000001,0.053,-0.7569,1,1,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,1,1,2,11,8,0,2,12,0,12,2,0,1,5,20,26,7,1,2,3,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,6,0,1,3,0,2,5,4,3,0,0,2,0,16,5,21,18,4,24,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,16,88,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672645897044514,0.0,0.0,0.1714322670498904,0.1826591281213304,0.264737919715452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893146117062104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142583705993241,0.0,0.17887193359553213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674886465513056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293666654327494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660455447280124,0.17102986342100704,0.0,0.0,0.14972534269295928,0.0,0.15816465028701454,0.0,0.0,0.3120813584946012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647911647163152,0.0,0.09407073192177316,0.13883312927963665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712475511139214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691403426610245,0.16173269173006566,0.0,0.29232029379103114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939128207380106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166290448735311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766180849412154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742795835838233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460818800643202,0.0,0.1810556748110756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445295642905226,0.0,0.0,0.15239165807672697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651799405653147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762995793211347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318321563596346
suicidewatch,throwaway345654352,2019/04/12,"Fuck everything I can’t do this anymore. I’m lost, I’m broken, I’m hurt. I cannot fucking cope with my life anymore. Someone give me one reason why I should keep going (and not you’ll be missed because I’m not fucking missed by anyone right now) cause I cannot think of one!",0.7300564971751413,2.716554237288136,2.4450000000000003,95.04738700564974,82.89830508474577,4.611299435028251,21.69774011299436,5.46131890053228,-0.02442598870056489,216,7,48,1,6,71,41,59,0.219,0.715,0.066,-0.8694,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,1,0,1,1,7,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,0,9,21,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,1,0,7,0,3,17,0,3,0,4,0,3,2,1,3,0,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984064283523983,0.14044884958580228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244489148009365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063427620603713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052370198581247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5570868734602549,0.0,0.19268714839987133,0.11415569738622786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502917425124574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853724191797896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141876254635531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926689377205547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722214261797056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652174946684787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153684456021612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019150075917094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287056052405838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124860853837524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acissejcss,2019/04/12,"What's the point of living when life hates me. What's the point of going on in life? I have a shitty job and no friends.

Most of society hates me because I'm transgender and would rather see me dead, maybe that's best.

I keep living hoping these feelings will change but they don't, nothing improves.

I find people I love and care about and I push them away.

I find other people hard to understand and find social ques confusing and have no idea what others don't struggle with this.

Life is just shit and honestly looking at the knife on my desk really makes me want to just end it but then I guess my dad will walk in finding a dead freak in the room.

I just want to crawl away and remove me self from everyone I knows life so no one will care that I'm gone.",1.4762500000000005,3.6546999490445877,2.441970541401276,95.03200039808918,81.35668789808919,5.70843949044586,18.729697452229303,6.9077264865688965,0.03564999999999996,600,14,132,7,16,189,95,157,0.188,0.63,0.182,-0.0354,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,8,13,3,2,6,0,9,6,1,1,0,32,29,13,2,5,6,1,2,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,10,9,0,1,8,0,0,5,5,6,0,1,1,4,18,7,17,24,2,19,0,0,2,1,7,11,1,4,3,83,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312536387702199,0.0,0.0,0.0750213585265766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915270025534736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25095288569398794,0.0,0.13019005614236034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900207981682752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759713671094894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062227084287336136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499291770977426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508234583584994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994261171651972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355737249829262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024511942497273,0.2430091456359485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222346966976922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892925137803636,0.0,0.0,0.12212640401641155,0.10938885464611134,0.0,0.0,0.06763517787927965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34770742124918924,0.0,0.0,0.2173433159049633,0.0,0.10334646617057673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107404207942076,0.0,0.08214911720378124,0.0,0.12363875618328934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808745553086315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339433750637057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064027508281868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326788473659828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884077276475653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806958652664467,0.0,0.1283871885504582,0.0,0.1263279510749511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254527423977139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865781983917635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811855175505468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145177869886765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742426521004333,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bloodvirgo,2019/04/12,"I told my best friend that I'm suicidal 1 week ago. Now he hates me. It was in a moment of vulnerability and instability where I hadn't seen my therapist in 4 weeks. He had previously told me that he would always be there for me if I needed anything, and that I could always talk to him if I ever needed anything. So I texted him one night and told him I was having suicidal thoughts. 

1 week later, he's been ignoring all of my calls and texts. I hear from our mutual friend that he called me ""crazy"" and ""childish"" and that he said he's ""sick of being my mother."" Obviously, I'm absolutely gutted. This is a person I put so much trust in. We've been best friends for 5 years. I have always made it very clear that I am always there for him no matter what, and in the past he has confided in me about his own struggles with alcohol abuse, self harm, sexual assault, and depression.

I just don't understand what I did wrong. His reaction came as a complete surprise to me. I don't know what to do. I feel so betrayed and hurt. He is my best friend in the entire world, we talk every day and do everything together. This has been the worst week of my entire life.",3.5329137587238293,4.5658133432203405,5.124117647058824,83.05119142572285,72.34745762711864,8.603788634097707,24.899302093718845,9.007467420416297,1.690536191425723,903,26,192,18,17,306,129,236,0.206,0.664,0.13,-0.9709,0,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,2,0,0,3,10,18,2,1,6,0,23,4,1,1,4,31,40,16,2,6,3,1,1,0,4,1,3,2,0,2,13,13,1,1,4,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,16,4,35,9,20,20,7,23,0,2,1,0,33,8,0,2,13,127,48,0,0.0,0.12206210721623358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913212035399038,0.11009727797220686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428842822232299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955371592877544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243400752330727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039031302750247,0.11782767954744325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080147339978567,0.0,0.0,0.08225325778932502,0.0,0.0,0.06643951517148268,0.0,0.08873115908227093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318768128861972,0.08679897324753927,0.0,0.09258792527039947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209011544573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183726461340195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171113266448452,0.0,0.0,0.11611126809409154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102852694550587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661721522506988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276622358913891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748021710493217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573171070968072,0.15277636615295653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667749175440213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980916297104571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834445093404184,0.0,0.08995327690713271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035637691184793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799581459757252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747255073797604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769909542079396,0.0,0.2253747858088408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560749083310666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196144083602866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178654218932857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953206870054885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072476756398447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500246543240876,0.0,0.0,0.3305464053100521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318260400120838,0.11263643127079087,0.0,0.06634163995705933
suicidewatch,black_mage141,2019/04/12,"Help please Just need to talk to someone who doesn’t freak out at the s-word

Asap",4.578333333333333,3.7882535000000033,4.54111111111111,94.565,69.55555555555556,7.2,23.555555555555557,3.1291,-0.05151111111111152,65,1,16,0,1,20,17,18,0.139,0.622,0.239,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548502624494929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925484825926183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811297602942955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485647190501255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255171848204671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0vrwhelmed,2019/04/12,"How? How am I supposed to be a parent when I contemplate suicide daily? I know in my heart I will never do it for his sake, but how do I keep going anyway? I wake up with no desire to leave my bed. How do I push past this? I hate myself, I hate how my life has turned out, I hate how exhausted I am all the time, but I don’t hate him. I would never leave him behind to wonder if he was the cause. I just don’t know how to exist anymore for him. I’m ruining everything. How do I make it stop?",-0.04445454545454197,1.3405771000000044,2.860000000000003,94.15000000000002,82.54545454545455,5.854545454545455,17.363636363636363,6.742157984588678,-0.2417090909090911,371,7,92,4,10,132,64,110,0.337,0.635,0.029,-0.9908,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,12,6,4,0,3,0,13,4,2,10,3,26,25,12,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,0,23,0,11,21,1,11,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,6,71,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255716345015414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838329761755275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731399315865476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315525572978707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6473186674282309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423711133007115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569296854181102,0.0,0.0,0.18016405556059056,0.0,0.0,0.34711935800240257,0.0,0.0,0.11577625195386672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941287197153696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528388622953713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820054425296523,0.0,0.156473036087361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370381963045221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792936798066002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557870163420308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828974017289578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775612301659158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643874288879005,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrBohemian,2019/04/12,"I couldn’t figure out cross posting but I’m posting this in here upon the advice from the ADHD/Anxiety subreddit. I’m sorry if this isn’t fair to post this in here but I’m just reaching out all over the place looking for help or advice. I’m 24 and am just struggling to make it through the last two weeks of university to get my degree. My final exhibition project is crap, and my anxiety of having mentors and potential employers see it is making me feel like I should just lay down an die. I feel like I’ve wasted all these years pursuing this degree with the goal of becoming a designer but I’m just mediocre. I’m so unspeakably mad with myself for not pushing myself harder. For not fixing myself enough. I hate myself for being weak and not actually overcoming all my disabilities. People keep telling me to hold on to life but I don’t want to if I put myself through all this for nothing. I don’t want to become a statistic, I wanted to overcome and be able to do something I love and prosper from it. I feel like a fool for believing I could, maybe it was arrogance maybe it was just delusion. 


I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like the world is closing in on me, like it’s choking me. I’m already on a really high dose for my anxiety medications but they don’t seem to stop this pain. I’ve been in therapy multiple times, mostly CBT, and that hasn’t seemed to fix me. 

I just don’t want to live for nothing. To just drag myself through life just to try and survive. 

I’m so sorry for dumping this on all of you. It’s not fair but I’m just in so much pain. I’m so alone and feel like I’ve got nothing left to live for.

I want to just die already. I’m so disgusted with myself for not being better, for not fixing myself so I can measure up to my peers and actually achieve my goals. I’m just another suicide statistic in the long running counter for people with disabilities. I just wish it wouldn’t decimate my parents and my younger brother. I just can’t do this. I wanted so badly to just be able to work along side others in a studio making cool stuff, maybe even impactful stuff. That’s all I wanted. I don’t give a shit about the money. I just wanted to overcome all these disabilities and look back and rest knowing I did it. To just finally do what normal people can do. 

I hate my pathetic existence and my delusional hopes of becoming something. I’m so sorry to all the people who believed in me, and my family. I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve got nothing to live for now",2.4425722983257216,4.307607495107637,4.217923026744945,85.04766297021092,76.78864970645792,7.203670363122419,26.032659273755165,8.094773233980128,1.6678563252881058,1974,75,398,34,45,666,203,511,0.198,0.705,0.097,-0.9968,2,1,2,0,0,1,43.0,0,1,1,7,32,23,7,1,16,1,35,10,2,3,8,95,81,32,3,17,32,2,5,6,0,2,7,0,1,0,28,23,0,3,10,0,1,4,18,13,0,1,6,9,53,10,72,67,12,41,0,0,3,1,9,24,2,7,16,277,81,7,0.1332600379804836,0.0,0.13004257407737105,0.0,0.08007633465123569,0.13022016682080756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900860511155052,0.14705576563222686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986738448964654,0.1529153464594593,0.0,0.13215814963625444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05123437177787443,0.05563328271909938,0.0,0.2207628633599808,0.0,0.1501384290999973,0.0,0.05892883716580876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053198648429718026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830288037705782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884662094369848,0.0,0.04400849914037937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281285198416776,0.0,0.16845069804766194,0.23800249439968024,0.0,0.1459798579084232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034811434869783574,0.06391758560855577,0.0,0.0,0.10658022590913764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315666985948502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04466069722863762,0.0703982733050821,0.0,0.0661786430143277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059223822342971966,0.0,0.0,0.0732362318230043,0.054312358467217436,0.0,0.0,0.0723937105897021,0.0,0.09412550579313952,0.1953123699982366,0.0,0.17650658246076026,0.05896547008194334,0.11190486950541954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013619354831828,0.0,0.13342816519968945,0.0,0.20081642927684099,0.0,0.0,0.06712273429914832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898073050607224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528327171788888,0.2557332009707464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179807594250202,0.0,0.07398475095753672,0.0,0.0,0.18477146266418054,0.0,0.06961418836816569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914394198627035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698157241992543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042684896324294314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053095498517583134,0.12131493368042742,0.0,0.0,0.06839475699438198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025900877337821,0.0,0.22376055353872493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570567937059517,0.0,0.06965616277672894,0.15255086130289935,0.07288242628563436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058237573434438326,0.0,0.0761972335790761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03885249989762892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523740918505915,0.0,0.06508784683304288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144008921976776,0.0,0.05344658217318265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662123354707094,0.0,0.0,0.048507447384592194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290754767873242
suicidewatch,palindromicpseudonym,2019/04/12,Advice on techniques? If you’ve tried and failed before or if you just know some things,2.491176470588236,5.275364294117646,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,82.52941176470588,3.4000000000000004,14.382352941176471,3.1291,-1.3838000000000004,71,1,14,0,2,20,15,17,0.18,0.82,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754817510376107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011240111446879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236527487090001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912495213711131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998352034988014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BritishDonkey,2019/04/12,"It’s my 20th today So I thought I’d post this because I’m taking a tiny break in order to keep it all down, I’ve swallowed a bunch of pills and I don’t plan on stopping. 

I don’t care if it’s selfish, what’s selfish is watching your friend, brother or son go through this when all they do is beg for help.

I’m not here for pity or for attention from strangers.

I’m here to vent that last bit of frustration I have.

I’m here to let you all know that while people preach it gets better, it doesn’t always. 

Peace out guys and happy 20th to me",0.27060224089635554,2.116251571428574,1.8623739495798333,99.37294467787115,83.70588235294117,4.638935574229691,20.00070028011204,5.46131890053228,-0.4141602240896365,423,12,103,2,12,137,79,119,0.08900000000000001,0.738,0.173,0.8803,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,2,5,8,1,0,2,0,8,2,0,0,3,15,19,8,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,10,3,1,2,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,1,9,4,15,17,5,13,1,1,1,0,8,4,0,3,5,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609647088502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831456802999802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22968914373881236,0.28353204859654924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647879115682159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064846603582775,0.0,0.1356858382435432,0.0,0.14759709205836452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25715009729583005,0.0,0.2764622171011973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740756783705209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308389185522473,0.0,0.0,0.14272780685245812,0.2116953211832378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655673176797051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004766888276466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872687431676316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712612044285576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526683902352926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617781624059908,0.0,0.0,0.2461712338167033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bouchesner,2019/04/12,What sounds better? 44 magnum or just a simple .40cal Smith and Wesson? I figured the 44 would insure my head explodes as 40 Cal tends to glance off increasing chances of survival and it's pretty obvious that the world doesn't want me around.,4.3886956521739116,6.679667217391309,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,72.47826086956522,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,1.1638869565217385,196,6,34,2,4,60,43,46,0.026,0.8,0.174,0.7928,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,9,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,5,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4189298229966588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416203532804996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4829668143153298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787648695851954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775694556841681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342975858079083,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SPammingisGood,2019/04/12,"Some people.. Are just not meant to live through this whole crap.
I hate everything and I don't think that will change, ever.
Every year I start with at least a bit of motivation, but it never takes long to drown again. Nothing gets better.
Can't this whole shit just be over?!",1.91,4.431124444444446,2.123703703703704,95.86666666666667,82.33333333333334,5.0814814814814815,16.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.4783481481481484,216,4,46,2,6,65,47,54,0.209,0.698,0.093,-0.7915,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,3,0,1,0,5,2,2,1,2,12,11,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,7,8,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,6,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20749922206023846,0.25614044510449485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24819314044813184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222404987294896,0.19767451419199686,0.0,0.21085817565693366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257743409998635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316352139331292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071706616013648,0.20762821326327774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095070297008128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512085257637304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162653535203284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083045842906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606276123688213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764024042756599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033277524955602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238818713627741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108532922172374
suicidewatch,The_Gaang,2019/04/12,"I need some help I feel very confused all the time. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad, all at the same time. I have anxiety and I'm a member of the LGBT community (bisexual). Everyone around me is homophobic and it just makes me feel like trash, like noone will ever accept me. I have some friends in real life who are supportive, but I need my family to approve and they hate anything LGBT related. And it just sucks all the time. 

I don't know what to do with my life. Sometimes, I do feel like it's time to leave this world so I don't have to go through the pain of my family hating me. But then, they'd be sad if I passes away, and that sucks aswell. I'm just so confused and I need some support. I've been thinking about going to my school's therapist, but my anxiety won't let me. 

Just give me some advice, please. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm suffering throughout every minute of the day. Cool. Alright, thanks for reading this and listening to this stupid rant.",0.67792207792208,2.832139320197048,2.65691222570533,92.44862852664578,84.36945812807879,6.252485445588894,20.55732198835647,7.520522993642371,0.6380463054187193,754,23,170,13,22,252,107,203,0.224,0.636,0.14,-0.9725,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,1,9,23,6,2,7,2,17,3,0,1,4,40,46,14,0,4,8,0,3,3,1,3,3,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,7,1,0,3,4,12,0,0,1,5,24,11,17,39,8,16,0,3,0,0,7,5,2,7,11,101,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817908902679878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069139095649294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079428141486358,0.1167702785788454,0.0,0.0,0.12323976653881133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459464540775305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865196238465515,0.11051748864633934,0.12533981087571405,0.0,0.0,0.24731328005699585,0.0,0.1989724714580312,0.18741762455418487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134263110485303,0.0,0.0,0.12583147597055575,0.14909536014044572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963430189949044,0.0,0.25900903038094764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792136618817067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417664649049058,0.0,0.0,0.1388914809144253,0.0,0.13413155475763286,0.1853003552568552,0.1922510335629424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755787004608369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917855997602545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957552538750484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398671176113606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312068099050668,0.14930167134562988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327523717440632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973178268271846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770330327662786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207649216668336,0.0,0.15230000451959655,0.0,0.08404928095929604,0.0,0.0,0.3059481900461589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082300706662266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,static_e,2019/04/12,"Royally screwed up at work, can’t get suicide out of my head I royally screwed up at work. I misrepresented myself to an outside agency to try and help a client and now it has allow blown up in my face. I’ve probably broken some major privacy laws. My boss says don’t resign, will probably just be a reprimand but she also says she doesn’t know how series things are. Can’t get suicide out of my head . This job was the last foundation I had in my life and I’ve most likely let it slip away. My life isn’t a good one. I have major health problems, I’m overweight, I have no love life. I work two jobs and barely get by. I feel like everything is pointing me towards me finally doing it.",1.148262910798124,3.3509610563380328,3.3090422535211275,88.19957276995306,82.80281690140845,6.603568075117372,22.846948356807516,7.793537801064563,1.203742159624413,538,19,113,10,15,183,91,142,0.174,0.72,0.106,-0.8537,2,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,2,0,5,0,16,11,3,3,0,17,23,7,2,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,3,18,4,16,18,4,15,0,1,0,3,6,12,2,2,5,74,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175022296790954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804834637473778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132053864146318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429371603638886,0.10496893120549164,0.0,0.16095786832851472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23029921101631576,0.0,0.0,0.12324039005230016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30159120051465504,0.15618285847719993,0.0,0.0,0.09848606139206187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916165680733036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075050851219885,0.1197699678302407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024889977483402,0.3113492707461969,0.14356803823729147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261272701060464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995655718196964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889913380852872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168371501699526,0.14059499259187458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336939638630321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214416054824486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761572528549098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975783036725032,0.0,0.14353214519377816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209068199249578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,userhadashittyday,2019/04/12,"First time You know...this is the first time in a very long time that I feel like ending my life.  I think I have felt it before, but right now, I'm just fucking there you know.  Like why even fucking care?  It's so irrational, so selfish, but fuck if I just want to be done with this shit.  i'm tired of fucking trying.  I'm frustrated and I'm floundering.  I'm worried. Like, what if I just fucking drove into this river and drowned, what the fuck would it matter you know.  fucking done, dust, gone. no more worry, no more frustration, no more wanting and feeling, and hurting.  no more of fucking anything.  Just...

Birds don't fucking care, they just fly, then they fight and fly and fight, they never amount to anything.",1.5831428571428567,4.085202957142863,2.1510714285714307,95.22517857142859,83.71428571428572,4.642857142857143,22.32142857142857,5.985473137389443,0.2383571428571423,554,19,114,4,16,170,78,140,0.374,0.511,0.115,-0.9955,0,0,0,0,2,0,32.0,0,3,3,2,10,21,14,0,3,0,7,12,1,0,1,28,33,13,1,5,9,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,16,0,2,5,3,12,5,7,26,5,15,0,1,0,9,8,3,10,2,13,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569098258065441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112547356212896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440654849686467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512740663493908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444102189766871,0.0,0.0,0.06296973926635563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641134546726046,0.06810936664431287,0.09153927024512684,0.0,0.0,0.1621886233778186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7932446096988024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206112160048618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718553845819258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733993062569082,0.13973174789546933,0.0,0.0,0.08437098172637336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353041387638501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814179881059674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978629151015592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061088633544093586,0.0,0.0,0.1667767705912303,0.10957681378859108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647281301819024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866369646377336,0.1124654475471092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602756505189373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936403935863449,0.0,0.06772526088854701,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,icefroglen,2019/04/12,"I'm not allowed to kill myself I love my boyfriend. He's honestly the only reason why I'm not dead at this point because he's so good to me and he's the only person who cares about me.

But he's the reason I'm not allowed to die.

It feels so shitty to say. I feel bad for feeling this way. I feel so miserable and alone when he's not around, especially when I'm in class surrounded by people who look at my ugly disgusting self and either think ""ew"" or nothing at all. I don't matter at all in this world. I'm nothing but a worm. 

Everything would be so much better if I could just kill myself because everyone would be happy if I was gone. I can think of a list of people who would legitimately benefit or be happy if I died. And I would get to stop feeling so awful all the time.

But I can't die. I'm not allowed to die. Because if I die my boyfriend doesn't have anyone, and he'd probably kill himself too. He said he would. And I don't blame him or think he's manipulating me. I legitimatelty believe him because we're basically in the same position in life. I know if I didn't have him, I'd be dead, and if he didn't have me, he'd be dead.

So, I'm not allowed to kill myself, but god, do I really frickin want to.",1.4653409090909086,2.8253275795454584,4.063484848484851,87.30272727272728,78.12878787878788,7.072727272727272,23.74242424242424,7.84624498591911,1.078369696969697,947,31,216,15,22,335,115,264,0.097,0.63,0.274,0.9953,4,1,0,0,0,5,29.0,0,0,0,1,12,15,5,1,7,1,25,2,0,7,3,58,48,28,12,13,21,0,5,0,0,5,1,2,0,2,7,8,0,1,11,0,0,1,12,7,0,0,5,8,32,8,22,30,6,18,0,1,1,1,23,12,0,9,4,133,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974889385645579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581697097968484,0.0,0.0,0.08379449350839496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859352717505029,0.2295199111398246,0.0,0.0,0.1060508038602492,0.0,0.08324917996606188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597047620172414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515410230505046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884536133785594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994400027637857,0.08459680011467018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23797147800016485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917835724803549,0.0,0.0,0.07895068206225694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040348873820096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165578113879245,0.0,0.051730668177913615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648587981739558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904439548266355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495482076273833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691954201861472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063803983615015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317822576249276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051396809886245,0.08218954430556981,0.0,0.0,0.08898204028229917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148665181100107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060301251252173775,0.19355994771647209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953794261372754,0.07485491498764718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819675585171564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786958024304122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809415978135273,0.0,0.0,0.0548871980454719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551954211825415,0.07471497543783835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493650495151088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343316152986833,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Eternal-Sea,2019/04/12,"Everyday is awful, no joke, I'm not prepared to live I'm not sure of where I'm going, who I am, don't have any close friends and can't make them.

I'm failing classes at university and failing to do anything about it and anything in my free time.

Everyday I get home, crawl into bed and cry, because everyday something bad happens or I get reminded that I'm lonely.

Abusive family, had poor education and poor social development because I changed schools every year because of bullying.
I never made friends, I grew up alone, and I'm not modern enough for those around me.

I'm unsure of what to even do with my life, I hate my life and want it to end, I can't take this daily sadness anymore",6.999722507708121,5.805582230215826,7.774429599177804,74.69151079136691,64.8273381294964,10.5327852004111,38.56217882836589,9.606745405546679,3.630366084275437,546,26,106,9,7,184,88,139,0.306,0.613,0.081,-0.9877,0,3,1,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,1,2,4,11,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,2,2,20,25,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,7,11,0,0,0,1,3,2,8,6,0,0,2,0,13,6,15,23,1,17,0,4,0,0,5,7,0,1,8,60,20,4,0.0,0.20270175610857105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771872249340106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634022716283035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966533194381433,0.0,0.0,0.28156843067285425,0.15229741946232667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284460558262374,0.3128662342679696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097989427889102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879232830267684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152604942314007,0.1767713126700465,0.0,0.1129966882186616,0.0,0.14414222977921146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127894362267858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643518776632903,0.0,0.17876441729483938,0.0,0.09722867359549912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128542773856046,0.0,0.0,0.1689060239666328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160713086377385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24167764498408945,0.0,0.0,0.15106672314393982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187997769046067,0.11419718976376657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319473980388277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314203485840676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439445629632686,0.0,0.13170569758584347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124082071704846,0.0,0.1286308252464494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975808998720856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090738233882816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016987359226924
suicidewatch,OsoGuero,2019/04/12,Two attempts this week. I will not fail again. I lost the love of my life. I caused more pain than necessary and now it is time to go.,-1.2387931034482729,0.7990471034482773,0.2581896551724157,106.12452586206899,95.20689655172414,4.279310344827587,14.14655172413793,5.985473137389443,-1.1455586206896546,102,2,27,1,4,32,27,29,0.104,0.636,0.26,0.6618,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,4,1,3,3,1,5,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,18,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895745177180284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155256152914796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678619444819974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139752397410792,0.0,0.34227062265140784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035283319405326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113254176688896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704534083070187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30419609023485383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deadhead1943,2019/04/12,"Every time I try to off myself I fail I overdosed on Tylenol which sent me into liver failure yet somehow I recovered even though the doctors told me I wouldn’t. 
I tried jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge 
I tried overdosing on heroin mixed with klonopin numerous times. 
And many more things. 

My boyfriend died in October 17 and everyone blamed me which just sent me over the edge. I hate my life. I was raped and beaten and almost killed and honestly which he would’ve been successful. I have no reason to live anymore. The love of my life is gone. I can’t get close to anyone else, not that I really want to do so but I’ve tried. 
All my friends are dead too. I have no one. It seems like no one wants me here. 
I have more klonopin saved but and am planning on getting some heroin to try to overdose again. 
I’m a failure. I’m 24 and have nothing to show for it. I’ve travelled the country and seen it all and I’m just not interested anymore. All I do is sleep and cry and wish for death. 
I do not like living at all. It’s horrible. Every bad thing that can happen to a person has happened to me. 
I hope this attempt works out so I can end my suffering and everyone else’s too",1.1880197075651608,3.4464405991735525,2.5705785123966933,93.21083280356008,83.0909090909091,5.70654799745709,22.530832803560077,7.010146845296331,0.6668246662428476,923,32,199,12,26,298,137,242,0.249,0.647,0.104,-0.9903,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,6,12,16,4,0,7,0,18,8,2,1,4,38,37,17,4,5,7,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,1,12,16,0,0,2,2,0,5,8,7,0,2,7,1,30,9,23,29,7,21,0,2,1,2,7,11,0,5,7,131,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251543860897305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479029970466879,0.08739239195528975,0.12806186431152206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435722321756112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372901126690287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971465868744553,0.0,0.0,0.1279274053756157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088177972083236,0.0,0.11069957943759673,0.0,0.0,0.08255138909294914,0.0,0.2106104432406507,0.23885697591905825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656307213271904,0.0,0.13059896887883682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104757946837936,0.0,0.0,0.1233967749358314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413826910326332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382773431494123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656115077941092,0.12212267906827087,0.0,0.22072802376508288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280380856299578,0.0,0.0,0.12671513499816758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992644256045094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938609070479493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913204852280496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800685675196293,0.12850535785750866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137816159225642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507522533146004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606891112286626,0.0,0.1227970912558317,0.0,0.1457594736894853,0.0,0.0,0.11942848795952912,0.0,0.4242829271773908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743873848203395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372653889308382,0.0,0.0,0.09099054139924276,0.0,0.0,0.08878573149847982,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Osangatsu,2019/04/12,"What will the therapyst say? I'm in therapy for nearly 3 years. Been suicidal for twice as long. Had an attempt recently after which my therapist refused to work with me unless I made a promise. So now I'm obligated to call him if I decide I'm gonna kill myself.
I feel that I'll soon be ready to leave and I am afraid of calling. But I don't want to be a shitty person either.
What should I expect from the talk?",0.8002525252525245,2.8217665000000025,3.5096969696969715,87.31510101010102,82.86363636363636,6.638383838383841,21.141414141414145,7.793537801064563,0.9890489898989904,324,10,69,6,9,114,69,88,0.203,0.742,0.055,-0.9183,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,15,6,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,2,10,1,14,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5010815549266313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406177674371308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27145533695650825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598016263839338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171365589362033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216629158748325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423955891676336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24226415820148106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951207310516572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683848569101847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972116914986084,0.0,0.0,0.2805914220106464,0.28488276323333617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472013825083796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786255615910822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580042903482943
suicidewatch,OvertiredEngineer,2019/04/12,"I’m never going to get better It doesn’t matter what meds I take or what I talk about in therapy, nothing is going to work. I feel better for a day or two and then I’m deeper in the hole then I started. Between the anxiety and depression I can’t get out of bed. Which is probably a good thing since I want to just go jump from the roof. I’m leaving university for a while but now I have to find a job. I’ve only got my girlfriend to rely on, and I’m dragging her down with me. I’m never going to get better, it’s just a matter of time before I kill myself.",0.1456989247311853,1.8205530322580683,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,83.19354838709677,5.746236559139786,19.204301075268816,6.816661863887847,0.1991849462365587,432,11,98,5,12,156,76,124,0.08900000000000001,0.7979999999999999,0.113,-0.29600000000000004,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,4,4,6,1,0,8,0,5,0,0,0,2,17,22,9,1,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,1,12,4,19,21,0,19,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,9,65,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841567015293295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284008890149022,0.0,0.0,0.4453867883161082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825853595026748,0.0,0.1445812081955107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487719425828133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534248575373375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631063825288617,0.0,0.381604422549024,0.14079654491655816,0.13425635279976425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665793381849943,0.0,0.1857168901820709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774397312364815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645930805348232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589344725864076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107024806558387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276683048712957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809860226270252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885901886963956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881516012740828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621300377496875,0.13492290283662958,0.0,0.0,0.19196736705136627,0.0,0.11152152994556767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788297761454944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397895299722445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901066718379216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220715266702148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Grisejoie,2019/04/12,"recent online friend has suicidal thougths, not sure how to help Hey everyone,

A few months ago I added this guy on steam after playing a few fun games of Rocket League together.
We don't know a lot about each other, we've only ever talked about music, games and memes.

One day he messages me telling me he's crying.
I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I replied something along the lines of ""hey if for some reason you need to talk, do not hesitate"".

So he told me he's been depressed and having suicidal thoughts for a while. It's been a few weeks now and we still chat from time to time, but he still mentions the suicidal thoughts, and I mean, things must be pretty serious for him to reach out to a complete stranger on steam.

I'm trying my best to just listen when he reaches out, but I am of course wondering if there's anything else I could do to help.

This is a person I don't know that well, and I have no idea how he could react to my suggestions for help, no matter how well-intentioned.

I guess I just don't want to make things worse for him.",5.605168970814134,5.025689635944701,5.709504608294934,86.33663786482337,67.38709677419354,9.076651305683564,29.14324116743472,8.344100000000001,1.732127803379416,829,24,182,10,12,262,126,217,0.14800000000000002,0.727,0.125,-0.6559999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,0,1,16,9,0,0,9,0,17,0,0,7,4,45,31,16,3,7,8,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,9,11,0,0,8,4,0,0,8,2,1,1,6,1,20,7,28,21,7,18,0,1,0,0,31,4,0,6,14,119,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050937501455786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025899487324288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082985337032454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071050625445396,0.0,0.0,0.19907219263131487,0.0,0.13694035176653452,0.0803996116264777,0.0,0.10737511721704797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414290602906463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127680321663884,0.0,0.11912423141169642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631706762008403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373342603392496,0.12343948498131595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506840827026055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073336098046393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702695161815806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598704306483384,0.0,0.0,0.16643178093873912,0.0,0.0,0.13579842067919512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950765117179222,0.0,0.0,0.09243866750606923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447728097285437,0.09481452929844064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088540232299392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683070022991902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817797703549755,0.1230931786733726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959744011841957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911773643716826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40909491593962416,0.0,0.23499349684064574,0.0,0.0,0.20040450191503265,0.1089640599839418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564583322525692,0.0,0.0,0.1979426313188073,0.1453881362051348,0.0,0.0,0.11912423141169642,0.0,0.08464040442049102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353156144760943,0.0,0.09999998699141396,0.0,0.2241804013901807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351955560316207,0.0,0.0,0.1270458654582627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_eat_beavers,2019/04/12,"My life is crumbling around me. I want to just end it all. Today I learned that I failed two classes so I’m going to get kicked out of my course. I called my boss asking if I still had my summer job, he just said I’ll see what I can do. My parents hate my guts and I don’t have much to live for anymore. I hate myself and I want to die.",-0.2707792207792181,1.0580388051948084,1.8792207792207805,101.18168831168829,83.02597402597402,4.4,17.493506493506494,3.1291,-1.0813844155844157,256,5,68,0,7,86,54,77,0.192,0.774,0.034,-0.9325,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,0,6,2,1,1,1,12,16,4,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,2,17,0,8,14,2,7,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,4,44,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453798704052527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015529961587069,0.21166288608549064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311900324951909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349779445856597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053215192448415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182899357045672,0.0,0.12867408091939064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470662118887764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246770946514474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992015368051907,0.0,0.0,0.19992427171145047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664374790639602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514016289940951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536785829339894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041954114619052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808114031970612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461030714366028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221169774984263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670850933223329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jeepkat4011,2019/04/12,"What's the point? While I'm not so manic right now that I'm at risk, I was talking to someone the other day about my depression and phrased the same question I've asked to therapist/doctors/friends and no one knows how to respond or has a good answer:

My parents have died, same with all other immediate family I knew growing up. No siblings. I literally have no one that's blood. I am unable to have children due to some health issues (endometriosis among others), so reproduction of my species is out the window. While I have a boyfriend and love him, my sex drive is non existent and I don't feel that ""madly in love"" sensation. Other than my bf I have no friends, just a couple of ""work mates"". I have no crazy talents, I'm not gorgeous, nor have some amazing job or have a rich future ahead. I'll just work, stress about life, then die. So while saying ""you're what I live for"" to someone else is wrong and selfish, ya, who/what do I have to live for? What's the point? (and yes, I do realize no one knows the meaning to life...)",4.188509316770187,4.950590835748795,4.883674948240167,86.38402173913046,70.59420289855072,7.846652864044168,28.79537612146308,7.957251820313856,1.6792970324361631,801,29,169,10,14,258,118,207,0.198,0.68,0.122,-0.9334,2,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,3,9,14,1,2,10,1,18,7,1,1,1,28,29,17,2,0,6,1,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,1,10,8,0,0,8,0,1,2,10,6,0,3,2,2,18,8,22,27,5,19,0,1,0,3,14,8,0,5,9,114,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561679544557828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16051237675507335,0.0,0.09355533990095727,0.0,0.124944827281203,0.0,0.3011104727375283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118373179571346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675497938568315,0.0,0.07334954873508494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415471461040984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167418024755257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419799682448454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141084391132067,0.14395526844675705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944856915212974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049283100161137,0.0,0.0,0.25619124413098104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618548163075477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801901461513165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949007056915172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107823116522502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742678473522475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250672198469396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388526801587255,0.0,0.11536202323673556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582730013052195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661722059684555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659827028423365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843239452177342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121903424490426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860650977917862,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KaikoLeaflock,2019/04/12,"Help! I live in US and got a call from someone living in Hong Kong that is more than worrisome. I have no idea how to contact Hong Kong police. I don't have international calls on my phone so I tried google phone but google phone doesn't accept emergency things like 999 and the other police lines I've tried came up on google phone like ""Hong Kong police"" but said they couldn't connect. Should I call my emergency line 911 or IDK what.",3.6242857142857146,5.338014252873566,3.6341543513957326,91.14413793103449,73.13793103448276,6.810509031198686,20.47454844006568,7.447530270364453,0.35489622331691306,348,7,74,4,7,106,59,87,0.099,0.745,0.156,0.7294,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,10,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,9,3,8,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,2,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6460389704470039,0.24120651972868815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686711739295416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135778313114447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380736228601409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20606428287268955,0.0,0.3724464798354983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060846040459215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786897770289672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010858318482833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863663253737117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25367948010731955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Skullkiid_,2019/04/12,"I don't feel ok I'm undergoing one of my lowest points in my life, suicide is always on my mind, I can't get rid of it. I spend hours thinking how great it would be to just die. I wish I could get help like therapy or medication, but my family is not in the monetary condition, plus if they found out the reason I'm depressed, they'd probably kick me out. I'm depressed because I'm trans (mtf). I hate it, I hate having to constantly wake up in this prison of a body and have to live with it. I've wanted to have people to vent to even if I don't have access to a therapist. This is also a bit of a shitty situation as I've never had a single friend throughout my life. That's why I am here on reddit, hoping I can find someone to talk to, that might actually make my life worth living. For all I know right now, my main plan maybe this weekend shove a shit ton of pills down my throat and finally do it.",3.6967353951890014,3.6456292061855713,5.556237113402061,84.02170962199315,71.37113402061857,8.940893470790376,25.96048109965636,8.841846274778883,1.5983243986254294,702,19,160,12,12,244,122,194,0.221,0.711,0.068,-0.989,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,2,1,6,10,3,0,8,1,19,9,4,3,2,29,35,10,2,7,6,0,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,1,2,0,5,5,0,1,2,1,22,5,27,28,5,17,0,2,0,0,5,11,1,5,7,104,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.1327566851957667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879217894248706,0.11319726014372862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082929514158373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852186587140026,0.1511112166549243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701231639524728,0.0,0.10861790875075117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234344345733557,0.0,0.14118939187531668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985399601274369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824763084355928,0.0,0.0687865691690027,0.0,0.0,0.1490265951652183,0.12433928415590575,0.0,0.0,0.1491622643004379,0.1051051713814553,0.0,0.14215192933573226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998601418366533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686252392575825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118561616718122,0.0,0.0,0.13511970736766482,0.1339732776615611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476474102447514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882699815070767,0.06646290776349413,0.0,0.2402539216506358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080862453104517,0.0,0.1366717716501155,0.0,0.0,0.1370472980876152,0.0,0.14431832151215912,0.13736293259437546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492343770580252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218510606566434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431390864147167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860300150493492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667553131142635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398731146673219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617852739860335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964444010377572,0.0,0.1529161217857216,0.0,0.0,0.11526735253088913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880710246398154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934484427245228,0.0,0.0,0.1555750833573504,0.1579544353833345,0.0,0.08716977231995174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024068380467853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275611392421565,0.0,0.15644078185145455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966398367333389,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,listeningsparrowlot,2019/04/12,"numb i've got that horrible, numb, limbs can barely move feeling again

I can't even cry anymore I just sit here, feeling sorry for myself rather than fucking doing anything about it

I want to end my own life but I'm such a fucking shitebag id never do it, I've stopped takin all my medication and I'm honestly just waiting for it to kill me, I'm a failure I'm messy I'm disgusting and no one will miss my shit fucking self on earth. Ive never benefitted anyones life. no one loves me and no one ever will",1.5714953271028025,3.4697329252336466,3.6914112149532734,87.65487383177572,79.56074766355141,6.149158878504673,26.58785046728972,7.1686216300943375,1.3117970093457951,401,17,84,5,10,137,69,107,0.35100000000000003,0.541,0.108,-0.986,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,0,2,0,7,10,1,0,4,16,22,4,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,9,0,3,1,2,10,3,7,19,2,9,0,1,0,4,2,1,4,0,6,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563882880626136,0.1238347059330956,0.0,0.14574087948790335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453959720645528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686090699503266,0.0,0.0,0.11697502224133988,0.16020002338547346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909744286293897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4911872853183701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164564277050387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959384992560643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018651734767944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984259211806898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841288594043925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823272028073096,0.0,0.0,0.27318587940225586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600292244372302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475730808448426,0.0,0.18179393473721409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825258179815944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480662419901863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446008179070172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IneedHelpPlease05,2019/04/12,"I need advice I am a teen,I am not legally depressed nor do I consider myself depressed I just think I am suicidal and please don’t hate on me So I recently just achieved my long term dream of buying a dirt bike (dream of around 8 years) and got my bike license and I have a very supportive family and friends But the problem is no matter what I do no matter how far I get and what awesome things I do and achieve at the end of the day I want to end my life Please do not comment meditate, workout and things like that because I already do all of this daily and I am improving myself day by day Is it normal for me that I am suicidal and what should I do?",5.915405960945527,4.4519474676258985,6.8406166495375125,81.3864748201439,67.12949640287768,10.245015416238438,34.24563206577595,9.23628265651192,2.7666250770811915,514,20,113,8,7,173,78,139,0.156,0.642,0.202,0.459,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,0,6,0,16,1,0,1,1,25,23,13,2,5,5,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,1,5,1,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,22,3,10,21,2,13,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,10,83,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628825154899778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839408872547564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838486412874471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160954319126113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32249383450018204,0.0,0.28713085035043023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952666215224997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713565089130396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878030891045086,0.0,0.08708595938459286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331310903217586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456678980706618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773444566731485,0.08143380273655823,0.0,0.0,0.14751085532262256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359471120588568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633157716877746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659398422449521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949489918572532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458118966882654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646523643224245,0.18915200316814085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147602807655947,0.10680492747855144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753246567454808,0.09831504874341067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073395844905546
suicidewatch,sodameinsane,2019/04/12,"Should I end my life today or wait until I've been to court My ex has stopped me seeing my son and its killing me I've done nothing wrong she just wants the child to herself. I've given up on ever seeing him again, but it's only because I can't afford a solicitor or get any help so I'm screwed. I have a week till I'm in court and I can't see anything helping me and I know I'm going to loose, I'm wondering if I end it today is it going to be aany different than if I end it the day after court",-0.31159683794466275,1.2072143304347842,2.7498814229249007,93.96798418972332,83.95652173913044,5.225296442687747,20.019762845849804,6.11248444174946,-0.08291304347826056,388,11,95,3,11,139,72,115,0.13,0.82,0.049,-0.8326,2,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,16,24,11,1,4,6,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,3,16,0,11,19,0,18,0,0,3,1,8,3,1,5,13,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983803934593885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501694511186336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107424224639986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364959443211542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411607541289726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033784864873045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682452093021125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940426653002798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920695179812971,0.0,0.2003037796304644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362378271352697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949652197225555,0.0,0.09684784019867174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447188661623272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909122414276098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340259310094852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212819988986233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733075690951172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340785911302515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039412003046152,0.0,0.1413558813889623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911068946875106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267275956433733,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FancyDemon,2019/04/12,Death sounds relaxing I just am sick of being in situations where people are depending on me and I screw up. I feel like because of my performance in school I can't have a fufilling life that I dream of. I don't want to die cause I'm sad I want to die because it sounds good to get rid of all the hoops that I constantly am jumping through just to be happy in life.,1.5321978021977998,3.25414635897436,3.4300732600732613,90.31730769230772,79.0,7.534065934065935,23.96336996336997,8.418075326091056,1.3724446886446886,288,10,66,6,7,97,53,78,0.161,0.604,0.235,0.815,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,0,8,4,0,2,1,9,13,1,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,10,4,14,11,1,8,0,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,2,42,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932227003857983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470678080769207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599035388116609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992183442971381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160799304509745,0.17181885275110548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565542258354748,0.0,0.0,0.2017265698355244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560250735665003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397556076205664,0.1174999847019864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673785718181255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24340677956313256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27034089502142433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837155170242279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lacaldoli,2019/04/12,"Today I really wanted to kill myself I have been in med school for 10 years (that’s right, TEN). I just can’t graduate because of bureaucracies. I’ve been trying for more than one year but apparently everything I try just doesn’t work. Today I had everything ready for a meeting with the school board that would solve my problems but I got a call and they said that they wouldn’t accept my pledge at all. Now my only choice is 
sue the university. All my hopes fell apart instantly, I threw up at the street and considered killing myself in a cheep hotel or jumping out of a building. All my friends are very successful, traveling the world and moving out. I am the only one who is still a student. I can’t handle the pressure of everyone asking me everyday why I didn’t graduate. My family is going through a financial crisis and it reminds me that if I was already a doctor I could help somehow. I feel like I am a burden to everyone. A complete fail. I cry myself to sleep every single night. As soon as I wake up the very first thought in my head is that I wish I was dead. I just don’t want to live anymore.",2.6681838565022424,4.669526614349778,4.209621076233187,84.74106838565024,76.57847533632287,7.50932735426009,25.051345291479826,8.395991825355821,1.7159167713004484,877,31,174,17,20,292,134,223,0.16399999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.141,-0.8639,1,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,2,4,7,11,2,1,16,0,21,4,3,0,3,29,32,10,3,9,7,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,2,0,6,6,6,0,4,10,2,33,5,24,19,5,29,0,1,0,0,9,13,0,4,11,125,40,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303946317141664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854872229202052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117768544001672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901546376168755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235703978473673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359046454122935,0.0,0.0,0.10349143510445527,0.0,0.14238205086005815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267209112499487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921087563472633,0.24771591655383,0.2329891244945018,0.0,0.12219468702167002,0.0,0.06554002780101156,0.0926009228839859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025514511463518,0.0,0.0,0.1001444895070428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366632663052411,0.0,0.10366936810120164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302804544458013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688189992389575,0.0,0.0,0.12874241998584754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286811793250641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332603697464836,0.0,0.11445729082371835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397917297307775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776609562985573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164007399668883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566843316574254,0.19716448743842285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402932865333036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303822199021081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069521285292272,0.12329879398708896,0.0,0.0,0.2623657656056603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971412688260245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035151119111734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290421134545252,0.0,0.0,0.24573018701763344,0.0,0.0,0.17600764437293248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390100213534707,0.15290707796197694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696235495580945,0.0,0.14905719700258996,0.0,0.0,0.09436527978182528,0.0,0.0,0.09207869592429738,0.0,0.0,0.16694272569542395
suicidewatch,TriggerPig,2019/04/12,"If Im Feeling Suicidal What do I do?  I just lost my third job since January due to behavior at work(basically being kind of boisterous unintentionally) in an office environment.  I have been sober from a decade long heroin habit for 7 months and I feel like I can't piece my life together.  I have just been thinking over and over about how much Suboxone or how many bags of street fentanyl it would take to break through my Suboxone dose and kill me.  I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and I think most of my family is tired of me not having my shit together.  What mak s the job loss so distressing is that I was really trying this time, I didn't call out or fuck off on purpose I was really trying.",4.942695035460993,5.454740574468083,6.169645390070922,78.73333333333333,68.78723404255321,10.521985815602838,28.43262411347518,10.504223727775694,2.791700709219858,555,18,115,15,9,187,96,141,0.197,0.7390000000000001,0.064,-0.9665,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,3,1,3,0,16,5,1,2,0,20,24,10,2,2,6,0,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,6,3,19,3,18,16,3,15,0,2,0,1,1,10,2,4,6,78,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193699033979474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679678967465058,0.0,0.27027248624544103,0.2545770627629685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472027330549632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245999196294705,0.0,0.353623155444851,0.0,0.19712466576333407,0.18554224618389825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585054442568286,0.17409498725647252,0.0,0.0,0.1576796097847851,0.0,0.0,0.1944994814433929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064187570251056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221789323739695,0.0,0.13097940985526446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228287429465598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828944733114544,0.1473885205382614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489495328226586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396571609472827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833518592346605,0.0,0.0,0.10389550044302176,0.20478639558420825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419387827507232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297138030889826,0.0,0.0,0.12657068213467004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jack333318,2019/04/12,"Best place for drop hanging apart from tree or home Anyone have any suggestions? Obs need somewhere that's basically a gallows. Somewhere to tie the rope high enough to provide enough drop to break the neck.

I've looked at a lot of trees but don't think i could climb it.

I was thinking a bridge but don't want to get disturbed with passing traffic.

Looked into swings and climbing frames which are possible but again don't want to be disturbed and its not ideal where kids play.",4.954145962732916,6.681710967391307,4.029192546583853,89.58413043478262,69.76086956521739,6.561490683229812,28.360248447204967,6.868970318607317,1.2613987577639754,387,14,75,3,7,113,70,92,0.171,0.769,0.06,-0.8191,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,2,5,0,2,5,0,8,1,1,0,0,17,16,6,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,2,2,3,11,13,4,14,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,2,1,43,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664743571069495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106765593815656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24174048494875305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391753543546088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476030922618367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034954825367533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433798095883565,0.231062098253048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868757648956818,0.0,0.0,0.1958372537210904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080328178371534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406690834059,0.0,0.0,0.2596875617472859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29520085359671244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717354619831145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hjgbnh,2019/04/12,"Waiting for End Game I have a plan and I’ve set many dates. First it was going to be when I had to put my dog down, then it was going to be my birthday, and so on. 

I changed my thinking and wanted to survive again. I tried to tell myself that I just needed to get through the Hollidays. “Don’t ruin Xmas for everybody” I thought to myself. I made it through. And I got through January and february wanting to survive.

Then I wanted to end it again. I struggled through my
Moms birthday and then chose to end it on April fools day. I figured “what a great day to pick. The perfect day!”

But I’m still here. Still trying to find the right time to go. Wondering what I should do before I go. Do I write a note? Well I did that before, and weeks later I reread it and deciding I couldn’t leave it because it was just so lame. 

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and all I could think of was “tomorrows the day”. But I can’t think straight enough to decide.

I can’t hold down a job and I’ve destroyed all of my personal relationships. I have no money. No one will hire me and if they do it will be a job that makes me feel even more trapped and suicidal. I’ll quit because even though I used to do incredible things, now I’m like a child.

I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but I know it eventually will and I kind of hope it happens soon. I’m so tired of the feeling. Does anyone else feel like doing it just to stop the thoughts? I find it ironic. 

I know I can hang on but I just don’t see the point. The only thing I want to live for is to see the avengers movie that comes out on April 26. So I guess that’s my next date. 

I’m not posting this to hear a bunch of replies. I kind of just want someone to hear these things. So thank you for listening.",0.6555760269553375,2.5065381750663143,2.312165746648507,96.63355652734964,82.36870026525197,5.454986020503262,21.064520754175927,6.5153245180268975,0.07876505842712732,1360,41,326,13,37,445,177,377,0.086,0.8440000000000001,0.07,-0.7004,2,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,1,6,23,14,1,1,18,0,29,1,0,4,3,65,74,29,1,11,11,1,3,2,0,4,1,3,0,2,26,15,0,3,17,1,1,8,9,5,1,2,11,8,45,9,45,54,5,55,0,2,2,0,12,13,0,4,34,217,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327048083498088,0.09271442914343572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031983789941588,0.0,0.15399521972499505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572304588867893,0.07794637377664893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224635407529742,0.0,0.0,0.23342602429021295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918561640968308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559011797635351,0.0,0.2404333648229991,0.09349706243303127,0.0,0.11953136799776863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725854849256633,0.06464379449007905,0.0,0.0,0.16540660839291774,0.07696803358205938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727562304132903,0.0,0.2571286943602467,0.0,0.07237056735218979,0.0997620264621485,0.09968142177962576,0.0,0.1600343728722768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039704204383796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987381853793404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958839134532933,0.0,0.0,0.1884561743523152,0.14918755151502008,0.07375882651738766,0.0,0.09581246555666437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884145685068168,0.0,0.0799015102167973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562080663525759,0.060400647705484936,0.0917394219453939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597705717256414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709482238195466,0.0,0.0,0.0962337480118226,0.16983148116248006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061316203652675975,0.06881929580053534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900959145364587,0.0,0.0,0.08553928250627715,0.0,0.08666135023864123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909642357542834,0.0,0.09624385970284506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714896921377936,0.0,0.07727524054662943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421254294734615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666917969649417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452576524290026,0.07565102412573345,0.0,0.09459645964770212,0.0,0.09897788253502464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908945950739953,0.08330809651879101,0.0,0.0,0.1803462456524991,0.17394088069238606,0.08890283049888785,0.14367283787685636,0.05276358605280893,0.10400127589527086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286920731644678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815155017957083,0.0,0.0,0.2668573221520755,0.0,0.07258306016739342,0.0,0.08135850839586102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812908454327972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thatxpicklexkid,2019/04/12,"I made it. I recently came out of a long depression where I often fantasized about, and to some extent, began planning my possible suicide. At times, it was all I could think about. 
I bought life insurance, did some research, and found that I had 2 years before I could possibly follow through without leaving my family with my debt. 
The realization today that I made it was worth recording and sharing. 

There is hope. 

Stay strong. 

You ARE worth it.",4.0858536585365846,6.7680845975609785,4.524573170731706,80.8800304878049,74.97560975609757,8.002439024390245,28.542682926829272,8.841846274778883,2.6666048780487808,355,15,61,8,8,112,61,82,0.122,0.731,0.146,0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,18,17,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,10,0,12,3,9,5,4,12,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,46,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676232305970861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253030726443213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145595633575813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696664387969907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570380899326286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598840038176212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956546422197752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085830331196098,0.0,0.0,0.13913923979768664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432917066168532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727917331501638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441512650722005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450298921207534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099641896936312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154741226098831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622267282767113,0.0,0.0,0.11486593892789057,0.0,0.18672265065709767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989048030716107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685453353573306
suicidewatch,StreetCriticism,2019/04/12,"Want to suicide badly but afraid of how my mom will live on I'm an 18 yr old and I think that suicide is the inevitable path for me. I have tried to get better and have shown progress but I still really want to kill myself. I hate myself so much and there's been a lot of things I've done wrong that I feel can only be made up if I end my life. If I were left alone, I would have done it already but what stopped me most as of recently is the local gun stores not taking transfers and since I'm 18 I can't really just walk up in the store and buy a gun right away. But my mother deals with several health issues including chronic pain due to her degenerating spine, she's so fucking strong so sometimes I feel like my death won't matter much to her but I know she also loves me very much, and I too love her so very much. But I feel like everything would be better if I just ended it, and I really wanna end it soon before the school year ends to make an impact on the community, I don't want to die if nobody gives a shit. There's only 21 days left so I'm really running out of time. I'm afraid my mom is gonna be struggling so much without me there to help. Sometimes we have arguments and then I get into that mood that tells me that I should just forget about how she feels, she pissed me off so if I die I won't have to be pissed anymore. I'm already certain I will kill myself and I especially wanna do it before the school year ends. I have fantasies about being like the only kid not walking during graduation and then the whole school being in shock cause I'm dead.",2.722125748502993,3.796361835329339,4.070100598802398,89.67759401197607,74.35928143712573,6.900886227544911,21.743233532934127,7.24861992348623,0.4872949940119753,1239,28,277,13,25,409,164,334,0.226,0.63,0.14300000000000002,-0.9902,0,1,0,2,0,6,17.0,1,0,0,4,21,24,7,3,13,0,30,11,4,5,1,56,56,34,8,13,17,3,4,3,0,8,4,0,0,1,11,14,0,1,6,1,3,3,7,14,0,0,5,4,45,9,31,37,8,34,0,0,0,3,18,14,4,7,20,182,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403786621117239,0.17908277870282735,0.06488862995551653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047031873702301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623487731548118,0.0,0.06774955619633964,0.0,0.0,0.13809045833206338,0.0,0.0,0.14352568714336472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335441725046062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232939492932027,0.08365306797171261,0.0,0.0,0.16842361816992565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607134499332052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35933532662052264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292452533188769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410982025009602,0.11593465336651396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501378003520602,0.08478591043759999,0.07783808264534678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011018768229701,0.0,0.0862493566019951,0.0,0.0,0.05438727087050952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469038598978029,0.0,0.0,0.1795415466517544,0.0,0.04459311010419115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632041555494138,0.0,0.05731246596070388,0.11892455145823205,0.0,0.07164921214415274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689833908613564,0.1464662958972593,0.07677781461098579,0.05416241582108093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900633074685934,0.0,0.0,0.2982407824749541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514409460745548,0.0,0.0,0.1851347356656283,0.08634001307369639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079246552362728,0.0,0.08011719745401083,0.0,0.0,0.06929418590954152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463578370231816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166651888675297,0.08329032920674806,0.0671208821932101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050154612425474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479950870820747,0.0678377199855179,0.0,0.08482645430598051,0.0,0.17751071998737167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061008123394447326,0.0,0.0709210307444322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053906642394688765,0.051992037978816366,0.0,0.0,0.047314116595874006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508958389593283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390006149495948,0.14357763828405115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905913102019554,0.0,0.07821727145189435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528083481196252,0.0887152213586347,0.0,0.1045046120102281
suicidewatch,ThrowawayOJI,2019/04/12,"Enough reasons? Right now I have friends and I am at university. 
I have ptsds, panic attacks , heavy depression  and I can't focus without basically burning out my mental energy in around an hour. 
I just don't want to fight my own head anymore. Suicide seems like the best option. I am 24 i am old enough for people not to care that much. I feel my reasons are not enough tho. Because I do have friends.",1.3003797468354428,3.898946189873421,2.87581012658228,88.51523417721522,87.10126582278481,5.185316455696203,24.355696202531647,6.742157984588678,1.0349939240506325,315,13,61,4,10,103,56,79,0.2,0.612,0.188,-0.2654,0,0,0,0,1,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,1,2,0,10,1,1,2,0,14,14,3,1,1,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,12,5,8,14,6,8,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710572307141756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354683552423026,0.0,0.19622482030554625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514430772766667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810107351587973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758583685818432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855973926841126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346645222442021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721281282830012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26652056497994303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701777703691646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986145013257695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426669922381051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382274499470615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679517898497594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180992361703126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023721602070692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957830374189778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546834190616856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729992042178824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702245118264752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18866889469116194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173520532298558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662678868255092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stupidnigger1,2019/04/12,"I’ve had enough I want to end it all. I’m 16 about to take my GCSEs and this is my first time posting on Reddit because I need to speak out about this shit. I hate life, always have and always will. Nothing ever goes right for me and I can take it anymore. I’ve cried myself to sleep for many nights and I can no longer withstand the torture that is life. I’m almost confident if I was to die no one would notice a thing. I want to die but I’m too afraid to end it all. I’m too afraid of the pain. Everyday I just hope of an accident to come along and rid me of this life. I may sound stupid because I have my whole life ahead of me but dying feels right for me.",-0.046073059360729474,1.7791584109589067,1.7840821917808216,99.60772146118723,84.75342465753424,4.715251141552511,16.582648401826482,5.6839178017228535,-0.806079817351598,512,10,127,3,15,168,82,146,0.2,0.747,0.053,-0.9699,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,4,2,4,0,11,7,2,0,3,23,24,8,3,6,4,0,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,2,3,18,1,21,19,4,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,8,82,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863271398468804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039473568794386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730028311145406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878962857394292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192581473011388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207538079348856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310522964303917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452424339870076,0.14305073993323605,0.0,0.0,0.12523146911637198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000197444023942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776128435057602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668581933714372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750716768973925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911513176895032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403615455804912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026552464608431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992129598537672,0.0,0.1328417543334371,0.15762060107005588,0.0,0.0,0.09381394531721132,0.0,0.147315288729074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325920831376972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364626235531612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211184894028894,0.0,0.0,0.13854502811843122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081868879264744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197673600084083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072841894676178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331694877707698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456894832011428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834738761712516,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TskSake,2019/04/12,"I’m suck and i can’t see any other way out I had a pretty bad falling out with my dad yesterday. I’m stuck in a family where i am the (he and my mom treat my brothers like they’re perfect and never EVER hurt them) domestic abuse victim. 
Last night my dad got extremely pissed off at me for not cleaning the whole kitchen and emptying the dishwasher, this which resulted in him grabbing my arm and cutting my wrist up.
Last night i had such a severe panic attack that i was inches away from using that same razor blade and slitting my throat. I’ve hid away all weapons and am currently in my room. I feel such a strong urge and need to just end it, i’m not getting out of here and there isn’t much i can do. I just want help, i want someone to talk to. Please help.

I’m a 16 year old girl from Sweden. The suicide prevention numbers are all open between 06-00 and i just cannot talk, i can text and that’s about it. The text channels are all very busy so i’m not getting anything out of that. Please help me",1.3991981132075502,3.2909735424528366,2.8487169811320783,93.51845283018869,80.08490566037736,5.93811320754717,22.39245283018868,6.961326702584282,0.5335464150943392,789,25,176,9,20,257,128,212,0.18,0.675,0.145,-0.8488,1,0,0,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,1,2,11,13,6,1,10,0,13,5,4,2,6,37,29,12,1,3,6,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,9,17,1,1,1,1,0,1,7,9,0,0,5,3,23,4,23,24,6,29,0,1,1,0,13,16,2,0,12,109,32,0,0.0,0.17271332859309552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912843513702377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199560917030127,0.0,0.0,0.16583414546874475,0.2739109750470474,0.0,0.12171166039887915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291087401848406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185709296922188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374187561065397,0.0,0.0737055703085179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523173658567595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658539301542388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931191913507006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604954245650113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376436192917566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712157413903738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072378057994578,0.0,0.0,0.10715754573651,0.10808642964802677,0.11242662496854612,0.0,0.0,0.27359008920523803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296084151164593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102940495675234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200228442488199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830025061439844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116159625469354,0.0,0.0,0.16467833655410274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351024420724635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15944845753418224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343284220963573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258982695010501,0.0,0.1202753178547319,0.1719575618675977,0.1157052500894449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274673077468252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387094588667368
suicidewatch,yourguidefortheday,2019/04/12,Theres a friend in need of help: Here is his (https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/bcclfy/im_contemplating_committing_suicide_ama/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)[Reddit post] in r/casualiama,43.973125,54.010675062500006,25.312500000000004,-57.91749999999999,-14.125,11.4,28.5,11.20814326018867,2.97895,195,2,14,2,1,47,15,16,0.0,0.6509999999999999,0.349,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642622406765675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40235143104232696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490662036236881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3861499428265126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987609215121792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaywqosiirrueu,2019/04/12,"I am at a point where I feel like I’m comfortable with my decision. I’ve not felt this comfortable before, does this mean it is time, I haven’t been thinking forward for a long time and it just sprung up tonight. 
I think this is the easiest and best. My family haven’t spoken to me for a long time after me being the one the my always turned to, my friends will probably be upset, I’ve been at this point before but never so calm and accepting about it. 
I feel like it’s wrong but I’m so overwhelmed by a calmness. 
Can anyone offer advice. There is a tiny part that knows this is wrong, but the lack of anxiety in experiencing is making me doubt myself.",5.046865671641793,5.030726037313436,6.000708955223884,81.8740485074627,68.47761194029852,9.386567164179104,27.19776119402985,9.188382445141503,1.9447791044776133,515,14,108,9,8,171,81,134,0.123,0.67,0.208,0.8921,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,14,0,3,9,0,14,0,0,1,1,22,25,8,0,1,5,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,9,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,4,13,9,13,19,3,16,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,1,11,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615047525737364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752198489251724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643487204582482,0.0,0.0,0.11556407660709743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812735913267619,0.0,0.17344584646082553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463320841224667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580649857580686,0.0,0.16713594505832693,0.2361448915840918,0.15868985510179706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276910039385501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083078135111973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148996867518953,0.0,0.0,0.2925262311814709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032230175016773,0.0,0.0,0.18003285500959545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747021788979018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111994572550436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897664747440345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124764682049393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781943324025713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118030082503321,0.0,0.0,0.2891194291651775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977166817657492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36140438982231854,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Treinstein,2019/04/12,"Why hang? There are so many better ways of killing oneself (gun would be one of the best), why hang? Bridge jumping is also hard, so why? You can get a gun pretty easily and finish the job for certain in the blink of an eye.",0.6789130434782606,2.840894282608698,2.1066956521739115,96.34482608695652,84.43478260869566,4.549565217391304,17.895652173913042,5.6839178017228535,-0.4895860869565212,171,4,38,1,5,55,37,46,0.142,0.66,0.198,0.4970000000000001,1,0,0,2,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,4,4,1,0,5,0,5,1,1,0,1,3,6,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,5,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,24,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951531760889905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25609767517415244,0.2158274393802422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274972188566577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186057181012237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216518961002,0.0,0.2699864605944016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474112535191739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653631392595361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24826938678630064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370211020313027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6606057278065115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335410742350038,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,therealflyingpotato,2019/04/12,"Just a question. What kind of pain will I experience if I hang myself with a noose?
How long will It take to kill me?
And what kind of pain will it be?",-0.8913636363636357,1.1032488787878805,1.215378787878791,101.0430681818182,90.51515151515152,4.512121212121213,14.31060606060606,5.985473137389443,-1.0959030303030302,115,2,30,1,4,38,24,33,0.32299999999999995,0.677,0.0,-0.925,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,6,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26475489022885723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994423321668441,0.5636961026428325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395232981437289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5759971517734683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031982514073293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035006948646824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clubpenguinclout,2019/04/12,"I don’t know if my friend killed himself or not I don’t know where I should post this, I’ll try here.

I woke up to a lengthy suicide note from a buddy who lives quite far from me. It was sent while I was sleeping and when I replied in the morning I heard nothing back. I’ve done as much investigating as I really can, and I haven’t been able to confirm if he did it or not. I really hope he’s alive and not being able to have that closure is making me so stressed out. Anyone have any advice for faking with this?",3.513976833976834,3.5749553783783803,4.626718146718146,90.13459459459463,71.7927927927928,7.423938223938223,25.76705276705277,6.868970318607317,0.7859539253539252,401,11,95,3,7,132,76,111,0.16,0.785,0.055,-0.9095,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,3,0,14,1,1,1,0,17,21,12,2,4,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,8,1,14,2,12,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,5,3,66,20,0,0.4272972273042812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087749525847392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528838360659238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938807824327394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642825961566112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863670898043824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506438892934305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220128025870336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363705363304924,0.0,0.23483138133854015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865564007889332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426121086214776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570563137588784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20500160693420336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461631394715507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272415991467255,0.0,0.0,0.2737375453819523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380290812580632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447337650952109,0.0,0.0,0.23369690676225935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505338440647833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thotiana101,2019/04/12,"I feel depressed My friends ditched me and I don't know what to do anymore, I have had multiple suicide attempts in the past but none have worked, im an insomniac I'm convinced I can't sleep well anymore ever since I felt this way the only thing that can keep me stable and make me feel good is weed.",1.68809523809524,3.6874612222222254,2.927222222222224,92.77750000000002,79.63492063492063,5.469841269841268,26.37301587301588,6.42735559955562,0.8545682539682544,239,10,52,2,6,77,48,63,0.107,0.708,0.185,0.7294,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,1,10,15,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,3,9,4,2,13,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,32,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4646078770471053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175126414708214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188422080097605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23687838070504416,0.0,0.2249079089343324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809738667107756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647007573795505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25302026787858645,0.0,0.0,0.2082039923010151,0.0,0.0,0.12873262180148373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635755782583538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815068929614025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236093555297422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937664164300654,0.0,0.2344099732747235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562214244358757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561918403468966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859294498742412,0.0,0.0,0.2106106170112207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053009755629225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jamesbwbevis,2019/04/12,"Even when my life isnt bad, it isnt good either. Life isnt good enough to be worth the grind and effort.

Even when I'm not super down and depressed about things, I still dont see the benefit of any of this.

I really think rational euthanasia should be legal for those like me. Not mentally ill. But I've seen enough of life to know it's not really for me.  

Why shouldn't I have the right to a peaceful exit?",2.054285714285715,3.378063919540232,3.6341543513957326,91.14413793103449,76.47126436781609,7.730049261083742,19.32512315270936,8.418075326091056,0.6506433497536945,319,6,74,6,7,106,57,87,0.149,0.696,0.155,-0.1169,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,0,9,4,0,0,0,11,14,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,2,6,5,10,9,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,48,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039737983575068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238240664084772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778205291183361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24196527382292196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4266491433657775,0.0,0.2727249093954988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463315382070979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346299623105265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43747862130032267,0.1008641312701862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805941528959448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26452241521497777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631257242022286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645189600345897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487628683343142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716040770797047,0.1322888759149532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629471995311747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrScarHeart,2019/04/12,"At what point is it acceptable to give up? Life has been nothing short of hell. I've been abused, neglected, seen people die. All of this shit is inside of me and there is nothing I can do about it. It effects those around me and I've become the man I never wanted to be. I'm just some emotionally flat, cynical, hateful guy.

I try to better myself but I can't overcome it. I clear a hurdle just to trip over another one. I reached that point in my life where I genuinely wanted help but can't get it. Any service near me doesn't take my insurance and it costs too much, not to mention that they aren't taking new patients. 

I'm tired, that's an understatement. I bled out in my bathtub a few years back and I've never felt such happiness. It was like all that weight was gone. It was dark and warm, I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. I was never happy that they brought me back. 

Now people see my scars and look at me like I'm a wounded animal. I don't want their pity. I have no other options.",1.049828481155494,3.0461656777251167,2.868855788761003,92.39022116903635,81.79620853080569,5.914782216204017,20.94809298126834,7.07126945348624,0.4392273076055075,782,23,174,10,21,260,123,211,0.142,0.74,0.118,-0.6432,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,3,2,12,14,4,0,5,0,22,6,1,1,6,29,40,8,1,3,5,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,17,8,1,1,4,0,1,3,10,6,0,1,13,7,27,8,19,25,5,25,1,2,3,0,8,14,2,2,11,119,44,1,0.0,0.1606995774978317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223316911499647,0.14222006300216014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073960991485995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085824633439705,0.0,0.0,0.14979287099856234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995386682332865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407627071220917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256569015994412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26045247292608176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708611678616633,0.13010882142785585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342951957699239,0.0,0.2887616840049671,0.0,0.1339067169883725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909100465113085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915992055777357,0.19878615586623727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389518662794434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970378352287826,0.0,0.3138190540207351,0.1309924669844484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26028161938130995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190651587761832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805777011013727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25642870750300084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807968839052176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392224243087255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395402257127065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588693273485346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208398498597006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399945716243775,0.0,0.0,0.16516101266056807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734138509280823
suicidewatch,vladmir_lenin-55,2019/04/12,"People are trying to ruin me I was tricked into doing something terrible and the people who tricked me into doing it are threatening to destroy my life with that secret. Now I've been thinking about suicide for a few days and I've been drinking a lot (pineapple lemonade cause alcohol sucks)... I've been isolating myself so I don't do anything wrong (like see them or talk to them) and I am really paranoid and scared of if they spread the secret.... These 2 people have also done terrible stuff to me in the past and those things are pretending to like me (I am lonely so I thought it was legit etc) then later they reveal it was for their entertainment, they also pretended to set me up with another person for me only to fall for it and the get a laugh out of my suffering... For those 2 if you're reading this you have done a lot of damage to me and you make me want to die.. Constantly. I was at a shopping center and I felt like jumping from the 3rd floor to the 1st because I have barely any friends... I'm scared of a bunch of weird stuff and I will never get a girlfriend... I'm also autistic making the whole situation worse for me making me want to die even more because people make fun of me for it",4.1112563543936105,5.092178876543212,5.2810021786492385,82.65980392156864,70.93415637860082,7.857564754296781,27.46284192689421,8.124751697461798,1.7551822319051076,949,32,186,13,17,315,128,243,0.181,0.738,0.081,-0.9806,0,2,3,0,0,3,27.0,0,2,6,0,8,21,4,2,14,0,22,3,0,5,1,33,37,18,3,4,3,0,1,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,14,14,2,0,6,6,1,2,2,14,0,0,11,2,31,7,34,25,7,18,0,4,1,0,15,8,1,5,10,143,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592474334625794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28268651612270523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012863638287869,0.12355533073402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696428719666103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436564997536706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104416357752472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273326813038375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599078787516245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445784717901844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411625887625043,0.0,0.11542882373783067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314119181009931,0.07782579391107984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313555469451116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103538818420208,0.0,0.12312292438252875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322701703898508,0.17269778057280394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003501943385779,0.0,0.0,0.3146105287114633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087798207856766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961524362672882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248234262907128,0.32675474180752395,0.10288486251717367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786217450541978,0.0,0.07548509968162713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359373478079392,0.0,0.09389548396218833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244618055817242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071151233561586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697749781206201,0.12888721039434095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470752212711908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782812075853338,0.07550089074375899,0.0,0.0935440868662437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999903093894181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899871342797832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155330854079214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200791299503722,0.0,0.12882892257148554,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,0xffffffffffffffffff,2019/04/12,"i'm ok, just want attention hi, i've unexpectedly fallen into a drinking binge, and i started giving away my money to those better than me.  most of them are cautious because some paypal deposit from a stranger seems suspicious, i know.  hopefully after a few weeks it will settle in that they are intentional gifts.  i did leave comments, but even then. what can you do?

i'm not sure what will happen when the money runs out.

 

i think i might walk ten miles, to the ocean and swim very far.  it's autumn in the southern hemisphere, but not too cool to be unpleasant.  i'm drunk now, but i would like to be sober for the experience.  cool waters carrying me until the horizon fades to a perfect dull line and i sink to the core of the earth

 

i can hold my breath for a minute and a half: a neat trick",4.017791666666668,5.426055862500004,4.8762500000000015,83.85041666666669,71.625,7.833333333333335,26.458333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.6704583333333345,638,21,127,10,12,207,110,160,0.15,0.726,0.123,-0.3567,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,2,5,11,1,0,14,3,12,4,1,1,2,26,23,10,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,1,4,3,3,4,2,2,0,2,1,2,15,9,19,16,3,20,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,5,10,86,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924170428641041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21349432373910207,0.0,0.0,0.13852006212567985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009704783091457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260333312694272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008626586375784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227897603963195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179840697683132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094274696744605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256951635243948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488215657145532,0.0,0.0,0.2406085602378133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111015314702926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410599298044931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068657843968435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083777193836918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416585802408292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560271333775746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749228754701064,0.13402881493317992,0.0,0.1822738356962819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142089247686833,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaawayforobvs,2019/04/12,"I'm going to win a paralympic gold medal and then I'll do it. I'm not sure if it's going to happen in Tokyo or in Paris. But when it does, that's when it's my time to check out. Doing this has become my only reason for living and after it's done there is no more reason. My life is falling apart because of my disability and my OCD. It's been nothing but hell for the last 8 years and nothing nor anybody can help me. Even when everything seems fine on the outside my mind is tearing me apart. Everybody has abandoned me except for my coach. I just want to succeed in this one thing and then it's my time. To be honest this is basically a last resort or a cry for help because I have no other options. As things stand though, this is the plan. Please don't upvote this. I'm scared it might go viral and somebody might recognise me.",1.978361904761904,3.603387445714288,3.5245714285714307,90.57276190476192,77.4,5.80952380952381,21.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.327895238095238,653,18,141,5,15,216,103,175,0.131,0.7390000000000001,0.13,0.2122,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,7,8,1,1,6,0,17,1,0,2,1,25,26,19,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,17,7,0,1,3,1,1,4,5,3,0,1,2,0,14,5,18,21,1,23,1,1,0,0,2,7,1,7,11,98,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19364320178679567,0.17541581274707618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744678502974289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899364419854032,0.16253875014092575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049060497811255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427466153482654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27080110664723994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045328994765355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129214773620132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589361188127593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218668199648572,0.0,0.0,0.1402502447482559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369881294702976,0.16037353133168594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304804304120293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076276599276825,0.12079775530198456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743481972463042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266084221396241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590170424900903,0.0,0.0,0.14459332538559222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496958701316934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103985830858327,0.0,0.15605016353821693,0.0,0.1852306880714359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368234628642777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228163697227864
suicidewatch,ThrwAwy3956284729,2019/04/12,"If I don’t have a purpose I might as have no point in going on When I was 16, a junior in high school, I barely figured out what I want to do with my life. I wanted to help out my people out on the Navajo reservation, support the other parts of my family that isn’t doing to good, and have a stable life with a good circle of friends. 

I went to school after graduating because I couldn’t get into any good schools because of my gpa was horrible, and didn’t know how to get to my life goals. 

I’m now 18 with only one class in my second semester at a community college, because I failed all five of classes the previous semester, I was not able to take a class and was dropped from it, put on academic probation, dropped from another class, and now failing my only class. 

After all that I decided to think about alternatives because college is not for me. I thought about a trade school. Nope. Too expensive, strict, and just expect to much from me. 

I’m not from a great background. I grew up in south Los Angeles during the early 2000’s. Which was just starting to calm down from the 90’s. So I seen and heard a lot of stuff, met a lot of people, did a lot of things. Most I’m will never talk about. Not to my best friends, family, or even therapists. 

I know how easy it is to get money and I start to think about. Almost tempted to. Then willing to. And just when I was about to act on it. I see them. My nieces and nephews that ask me to play with them, my friends and family that ask me to hang out with them, and I think about them and I remember my goals. 

After all that I begin to wonder if I’ll ever amount to anything. I wonder if I’m even supposed to be here. I think about how everything would’ve been if I was just like my brothers and sisters that didn’t make it out because of my father. I used to think I was lucky for that. But nope. I’m just a burden. My mom was successful. Not anymore now. 

Now I’m thinking I should just end it. Because it’s hard. Finding a job is hard. School is hard. Life is hard. 

The problem right now though is the hardest. How? How should I do it? Should I grab my gun? My knife? Take every single pill in the house? Drink myself there? Drive up the mountains? Start a fight with the wrong person? Take something some dude just gives me? I don’t know what to do. Which should I do? 

Because everything is so hard right now. And everything isn’t for me. Is living for me. I don’t think so. 

I think I’m going to try the drinking one though. So if anyone is taking theirs. I see you there. If not then I guess I’ll see you all here tomorrow.",0.5741838006230537,2.784815145794397,2.33422897196262,94.20888239875393,85.39252336448598,5.3610591900311535,19.94470404984424,6.742157984588678,0.21267040498442347,1993,59,442,24,60,655,215,535,0.071,0.838,0.091,0.9043,1,0,3,1,1,1,71.0,0,2,5,6,41,20,1,0,25,0,44,7,0,7,6,96,94,38,0,15,21,5,6,1,3,7,5,1,0,1,21,26,2,0,18,3,3,8,18,6,0,4,18,11,66,14,77,67,14,56,1,2,4,0,24,24,0,18,23,318,87,23,0.06685613730342517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694676416035544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546446596096471,0.07010448925663823,0.0,0.0,0.06630332342500185,0.04674736568517433,0.0,0.05501690448864,0.0,0.12500292692712814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852841653475555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016139140405546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098712432011714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921469369795763,0.0,0.0,0.08831569630732876,0.06047520377704345,0.05632917915969352,0.0,0.1802579558990982,0.0,0.18907804861746752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110529829428071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549586575104214,0.0,0.10478871706719804,0.06413449889868521,0.07599176705965056,0.16822726800648946,0.0,0.07370912739992465,0.07364957266728944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994498357010578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04481225956759495,0.07063717971771719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714300617133432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663444002024301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022715386876887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888986779313652,0.03266253165251698,0.0,0.05903519410014053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051609141183222,0.0,0.0,0.04462699079645053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092379649116336,0.0,0.07830109998382442,0.0,0.0,0.04914695348376858,0.0,0.051563574638530056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060689777446776,0.10169421014436583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239868161659008,0.0,0.09269925526691136,0.05837620033192096,0.0,0.0,0.0632006595650457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397229428081275,0.0,0.06720888377897187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573497073971032,0.11418955192279405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33830990114944404,0.1598270566126607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146912079152087,0.0,0.0,0.14196335427004372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653428202171217,0.0,0.07586755233085546,0.0,0.0,0.20106997961291329,0.053736430699022286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776251283456091,0.04441624690379837,0.3427097060122292,0.13137163090693105,0.05307630511591482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539092867691475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774223693093505,0.0,0.0,0.07886696392869745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197630908325277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500525802737005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749268174406472,0.07309669088903371,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Madlaud,2019/04/12,"is there risk of helium causing problems for people who find the body? im looking at booking a hotel room away from my city with the excuse that im visiting a new university that I want to switch to, I dont want my parents to find me midway and stop me

​

what are the risks of helium dispersing in room atmosphere and causing problems for the people that will find my body?",7.095921052631577,6.393474118421054,7.656842105263159,74.00789473684213,64.39473684210526,10.757894736842106,34.78947368421053,10.125756701596842,3.4248263157894723,307,12,57,6,4,102,49,76,0.158,0.792,0.051,-0.8504,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,0,4,2,2,2,0,13,7,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,7,0,12,6,0,8,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514254827268266,0.1964166576100908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187102251348658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591028391057633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321083741357985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944701553491056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432224583439846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492091918702453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357412888631453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561179785228028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948790781992713,0.0,0.0,0.224128910547094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30934532496669503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514265729777752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068509938510186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964166576100908,0.0
suicidewatch,Zornian,2019/04/12,"Cutting myself has become a habit I bought a knife set (to cut fruits, as my parents believe) for my dorm room in uni and I started cutting myself last year one day when I was drunk. From there things have escalated to a point where I can't go longer than a week without cutting myself. And at this point, it actually feels exhilarating and relaxing, like good music ; and I've started using it as a tactic to stay awake to study or just get a laugh. (I laugh when I'm in pain, idk don't ask) or that brief adrenaline rush. 

Not for attention mind you, haven't touched my wrists or anywhere the scars might get spotted but I've started considering my neck. How do I stop? I'd like to cease now before I mess up. (I mean an accidental death would be great and all, but not like this)",4.036363636363635,5.008934095541406,4.8578922987840185,85.65518818760857,71.10191082802547,7.747307469600464,27.011580775911987,8.00094639256281,1.4419732484076442,611,20,130,8,11,198,104,157,0.14,0.713,0.147,0.6369,1,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,1,0,0,7,14,4,0,8,0,10,5,2,2,1,24,22,15,1,1,9,1,2,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,6,5,2,1,3,2,1,3,6,6,0,1,2,3,16,8,16,17,1,24,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,4,14,77,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.1735665636778597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662759148197067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643336988125834,0.15134651014851455,0.20038830667389165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470555455310663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993180584651958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584993937290428,0.0,0.10108243780544046,0.1491812689138374,0.0,0.19609224984195103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498035726032918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606815279141077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374264174073794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868228823041408,0.17958878795415625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052313643190145,0.0,0.1892565181217444,0.0,0.197493460574254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362720456141963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776725422739338,0.18957603461703115,0.0,0.1486996610808752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816286655579533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361469535868666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266927079752253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145154285920114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634726719381734,0.0,0.0,0.11453657633707873
suicidewatch,nothungov3r,2019/04/12,"I would be better off dead. No one...and I mean no one understands what it's like to walk one day in my shoes...especially my husband.  I have to deal with my personal issue's and so goddamn many health issues every single day and it's not even worth taking about.  I am here right now because of my girls.  But then again they'd be better off with a healthy, happy, thriving mommy.  Not the peice of shit I have become because of being called names every single day. I will never forget the day he told me why don't you just kill yourself already?
I have not yet, because of my girls.
But I still want to.  Or hope I die naturally, very soon.",1.1833186813186811,3.4467665846153857,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,83.15384615384616,4.945054945054945,19.285714285714285,6.18269132825596,0.0042637362637361065,496,13,102,4,14,164,87,130,0.153,0.6779999999999999,0.17,0.1146,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,2,10,7,2,0,3,0,11,2,1,0,1,19,17,7,3,3,7,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,2,0,2,1,0,17,5,13,10,2,16,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,2,12,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247932555745748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269262320536467,0.16261133315719584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604377374099386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034510113641816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798218837805673,0.1517945406398971,0.0,0.0,0.15280841679147014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724843127888598,0.0,0.2481064878634913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673617204791834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650569409257842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623923430744146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073536583806202,0.0,0.0,0.1628955593654706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193239928156799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927487269764886,0.0,0.16038389649326196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355799601644942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29931413236954263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856138022274075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573931087275034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113632492187112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175833940887798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070365128860317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069094695664572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327856505076307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148567182948015,0.08684400217040303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328581926098098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459270525967453,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,baconkisses1989,2019/04/12,"Its weird how subtle the thought is. I was just laying there trying to drown out my thoughts of negative when all of a sudden, as if my brain though of something to suddenly add to a shopping list ""what if i was dead"". Its crazy because i didnt think of it as a joke but as a serious question. Ive always thought of this kind of action as the weakest most lowest point of disgust a person could reach. Now i find myself entertaining the idea.",4.4032958801498125,5.195425977528092,5.177022471910113,84.36568352059928,70.12359550561797,7.7310861423220985,29.44007490636704,7.793537801064563,1.797380524344569,348,13,70,4,6,113,63,89,0.237,0.695,0.068,-0.9454,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,8,0,6,1,1,1,1,17,10,10,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,7,3,1,1,2,3,0,0,6,0,8,3,15,3,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,4,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20089804679674125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718004124009584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695277281035931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277079398799846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206724729495176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725572203552058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514233889503503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081675154586668,0.0,0.0,0.22823955086664854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704688981713695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858728863560004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547054847136701,0.23721431264461354,0.5750309628738843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392242179018168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HoneyMustardFan,2019/04/12,Thinking of having a nice meal before I end it today Was thinking of going by myself to a really really nice restaurant and enjoying a nice meal. Writing my suicide letter and my will then ending it all. No one person should have to go through what I go through ... it’s inhuman and I don’t deserve to feel like this anymore i just want to be happy and haven’t felt that in years. I will make it stop and these demons in my head will stop once and for all ♥️,1.0324999999999989,3.1666289166666672,2.904,91.34100000000001,82.75,5.506666666666668,21.058333333333334,6.742157984588678,0.4337658333333332,360,11,76,4,10,120,62,96,0.106,0.7090000000000001,0.185,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,10,3,1,1,2,19,19,7,1,2,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,2,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,2,9,6,12,12,2,12,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041268082630365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514510289826365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646063516110119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040731984725578,0.14704409731572224,0.19762787448058824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509316591430166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910852755670726,0.0,0.0,0.2112396750578819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005575285160528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739228628512898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920089703618606,0.13947488522380064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797217218795591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637183305516431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441640962238261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514324083834414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637734989565418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19510158434652208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140312726835678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254696410566272
suicidewatch,Slippingdownintoit,2019/04/12,"Freedom I lost my prime directive, but that’s ok. I was suicidal before, but now, it’s ok. I can die any time. Why rush? I’ll keep going just in case I find something beautiful on the way out. But I’m going full steam ahead. It feels good to let your inhibitions go and simply be. Aggressive, direct, unhinges. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone gets road rage and shoots me dead? Lol. Jokes on him, I wanted to die and now I got him to do all the work for me. People gonna get pissed or uncomfortable with me for going totally unfiltered? Cool, fewer people that I need  to make sad when I die. I don’t need to worry about my health either. If I get sick I’ll just die. If it hurts? I’ll get a prescription for painkillers and chug a fifth of vodka to wash it down. I’m finally in control. I finally just don’t care, and it feels so powerful. You all should try it, too. It’s amazing.",-0.21389189189189395,2.067604043243243,2.030054054054056,93.68832432432434,92.35135135135135,5.554594594594594,17.670270270270272,7.087006719466742,0.24509081081081074,688,19,153,12,25,231,113,185,0.307,0.528,0.166,-0.9914,1,0,2,1,0,0,31.0,0,2,0,5,9,14,3,0,5,4,9,4,1,2,3,30,31,13,6,6,10,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,11,7,0,2,3,2,0,5,2,7,0,0,3,3,20,7,19,24,6,21,0,3,0,0,4,8,1,3,7,89,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122565512598188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415058681589806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677344869226102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504590732900356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.556900312446562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565913612041589,0.0,0.0,0.2939064908065042,0.1226093994670562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803484483163594,0.0,0.3049589866578313,0.11251748964508228,0.10729089833054167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862717301684875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259369963037302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360886180666738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192374485519099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717604283324292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643905486841585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895452390269532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989389894280063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18600351093258888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366368214126885,0.10327415408323773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673680641963774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822313343485787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107810061782153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912432599967069,0.10648092271742983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104825527453973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766178596865184,0.13623442544353548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BeautifulTrash101,2019/04/12,"Suicide attempt I took over 400 pills, some aspirin and some sleeping pills. It's been a couple of hours and so far all of my symptoms match up with all of the ones online. I'm scared of dying, but I'm even more terrified of living. I've written notes to the people who claim to care about me but treat me like crap. I've had two miscarriages within a year, one of them after being raped. I went to the police and they didn't do anything about it. Not important, I might not have long, so I'm posting here so I can at least make a small mark on the world before I go.",2.6244166666666686,3.686599941666672,3.77,91.78166666666668,74.58333333333334,6.333333333333334,22.5,6.42735559955562,0.32925000000000004,443,11,99,3,9,144,84,120,0.173,0.742,0.086,-0.9048,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,2,1,7,6,2,1,7,0,8,7,2,1,2,14,17,8,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,3,6,0,10,3,18,9,6,16,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,3,5,67,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034221473052872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648096125344266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234385726568075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424858949852351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744365246862175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447468593114058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454829747512933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158191291839214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070658800539601,0.0,0.1935139344901585,0.1939413242645835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462846816227657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248408203254556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970041438424457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193138503600567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988563053947865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940791332293735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930879956496746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971511207845475,0.0,0.0,0.227781313647013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434843042812905,0.0,0.0,0.2140782256257506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031547384350828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112575726429055
suicidewatch,Stonephone,2019/04/12,"Doxylamine Succinate So I made an attempt tonight, well an attempt so far. I probably took 20 or so of these , so around 500mg or more. After about an hour or two in I started chugging water and throwing up. Now I'm just sitting here having moments of feeling like waking up when you doze off, you know, that affect where you kind of startle yourself. I'm not sure what to do. I know people are going to tell me to go to the hospital, but that's going to be a big scene. Plus I'm really far from one and without insurance. Is there a serious risk here?",2.8124680432645057,4.26937530088496,4.448259587020647,85.53358898721733,74.75221238938053,7.146116027531957,28.484759095378564,7.793537801064563,1.8001295968534912,431,18,87,6,9,145,81,113,0.069,0.888,0.043,-0.4267,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,14,7,0,2,6,0,5,2,1,2,1,17,17,12,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,3,1,2,2,1,8,4,18,14,1,22,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,8,63,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130817556248824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102795350351532,0.17099932003710072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081025773112156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23572205759672796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492573179316148,0.2630927435319778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693953932700868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22648886611852764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621969937651654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594255953876816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580713008094351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334058295731612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942072368290692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255946113734677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092117875280776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659385264629707,0.0,0.0,0.23382060719999426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521400042598235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307351571776807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iverymuchlovelife,2019/04/12,"Everything is ready. I feel free. I've just ordered pure helium tank and it will be here on Monday. I am relieved beyond measure.
CPAP tubing will be here in 2 weeks as well. So easy.

I don't talk to anyone and I don't go out except running errands once a week. I am aware that I have no future. I can't do what I want. It doesn't matter anymore, I feel no pain.

I will spend my final days in peace.",-1.2387931034482769,0.7990471034482773,1.4788793103448263,97.37280172413796,95.20689655172414,3.8195402298850576,15.295977011494253,5.46131890053228,-0.8430298850574709,306,7,71,2,12,105,62,87,0.116,0.685,0.199,0.848,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,0,1,10,18,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,6,1,1,0,0,2,11,4,8,13,0,14,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876796068300239,0.2028294071240959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870764276219248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607035625682385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933444859388417,0.0,0.0,0.3177664657365746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485811374724785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30892379307131634,0.0,0.0,0.30866363405259445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315385198495614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109562539914813,0.0,0.4653664352386438,0.0,0.260815119541651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aw_yeah_its_cake,2019/04/12,I really need help Tonight I'm going to do it for sure. I'm drunk as fuck and I've taken all the pills in my pill cabinet and am about to down them. I tried hanging myself but couldn't do it. This is the next best option for me because I am a waste of space and a burden to my family. Everyone would be better off without me. Convince me otherwise. I haven't had a job in months. Dropped out of college. Havent had a girlfriend for almost 5 years. It's just not worth it anymore.,-0.036003236245953474,2.102272834951457,2.3070145631067973,93.81029530744335,87.64077669902912,5.375080906148868,20.23381877022653,6.816661863887847,0.34372556634304186,374,12,84,5,12,127,73,103,0.147,0.727,0.125,-0.0823,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,2,2,6,1,0,6,0,12,4,0,0,2,15,18,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,1,2,5,2,0,0,3,0,11,4,16,12,2,13,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,2,4,58,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26223771379057537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597172868585927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964127454678556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748297562835865,0.23161398292212676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25024016035297403,0.0,0.0,0.2468797201243983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421063534173312,0.0,0.0,0.14883398406602624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755344660221072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598781890371784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903228747406766,0.0,0.0,0.19418271753283908,0.0,0.0,0.27851524221833346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776877542094235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468213630192431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778011754915264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524455954170561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603396950620896,0.0,0.0,0.1686438846116993
suicidewatch,throwout7866897655,2019/04/12,"Genuinely suicidal after betrayal This isn't going to be long - this person that I care about so much has cheated on me 3 times in the past year. I don't understand why I'm so kind and end up taking them back into my arms everytime. I have never loved anyone as much as I love this person - but at this point I feel like I'm more in love with the person they used to be before the lies and secrets. 
I genuinely don't think I can do this anymore. I just found out the last time they cheated was 3 days ago. 
I just don't know what to do anymore.",3.0358620689655176,3.6505631034482815,4.611551724137931,87.82612068965518,73.13793103448276,7.8689655172413815,23.98275862068965,8.07648339933343,1.1021586206896552,424,11,95,6,8,143,74,116,0.147,0.718,0.134,-0.1574,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,6,8,2,0,4,0,12,4,1,1,1,16,26,7,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,1,14,6,15,22,3,21,0,0,0,3,10,8,0,0,13,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141090432998974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156984128162681,0.11129207698649236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238828930665085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354379453341414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227962889950304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264844965266287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097321107132854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047875694054174,0.11370772053799964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451653365415015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904573066950851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574616462375455,0.08747308512869853,0.12974096120142006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776012474641986,0.0,0.0,0.140856279897006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309586864283986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340096153269148,0.0,0.12275808987863462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519412866615066,0.0,0.41693099619383306,0.0,0.0,0.15046265317450538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410100220003005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967249556614955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101986696005491,0.0,0.0,0.1856211302198934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569668825649322,0.0,0.13746771360697135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362192466962415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024972333321637
suicidewatch,somethrowawayuname,2019/04/12,"Damage Control I recently posted here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bca5g0/aita_for_telling_my_family_my_sister_is_gay/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
You can read that for the full details (or to call me an asshole, as is the nature of that sub), but basically, my sister was in the hospital under suicide watch (automod didn't allow me to explicitly state that in the other sub). In a desperate attempt to help in any way I could, I told the social worker that my sister was gay, and some issues she has been having at school as a result of it. I was the only one in my family who knew. I just wanted her to get better, and thought this would be helpful information. Now, I feel like shit and don't know where to go from here. I don't know if she knows, and I don't want to do anything that might upset her to the point of attempting suicide. Telling her seems like a terrible idea. But if she asks me if I mentioned it, should I lie? Would that make it worse if she finds out I'm lying or would it buy time so even if she is upset from it she is at a lower risk of taking drastic action? We were all a mess while she was in the hospital, and I turned to full honesty and disclosure mode (our drug use, etc.) Pretty much anything that I felt relevant moving forward, or anything our parents asked me I would answer directly and honestly. So I'm worried that since she knows I said all those things, she might connect the dots and realize I mentioned the aforementioned secret also.

I'm just so scared that I'll make another terrible decision and it turns out catastrophically. I'm also worried that this has or will destroy the close relationship we had with each other. What should I do now to minimize the damage?",6.564670846394986,8.055843319749219,6.488824451410661,74.3670297805643,65.64576802507837,8.809404388714734,28.606583072100314,9.095868883498916,2.3233811912225706,1405,45,245,24,22,444,171,319,0.214,0.705,0.08199999999999999,-0.9941,2,0,1,0,0,2,51.0,4,1,0,5,13,15,2,4,18,0,31,3,1,6,3,66,58,28,2,14,13,3,2,2,0,9,1,1,0,0,24,16,0,1,16,1,1,4,4,11,0,1,13,4,40,4,30,34,8,28,0,2,1,1,35,17,1,13,8,186,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709835416845966,0.0,0.1158313615584143,0.0,0.07269896470665829,0.1120990576381666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639207508424252,0.0,0.1998832094653168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945486533130353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916180570472096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199028808705536,0.0853548247176655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239756872919356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922716805523588,0.07060964594198665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078037937765187,0.0,0.05405430487363529,0.07637284702332257,0.1026454220249516,0.0,0.09770909720791274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055853372391712015,0.0,0.06075649053273196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433121365387778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206825644469831,0.0,0.11158088985000293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350084415581827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445662060014907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271963654697153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681830607667355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136229382910283,0.07858736622627327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244149385963729,0.08130595661790405,0.0,0.0,0.11870518586771085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010596390398971,0.0,0.10238529617295417,0.10876066660894962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693378112260447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555564341489318,0.11477580211316543,0.0,0.0,0.10169099440978248,0.0,0.10703040570485067,0.10819341674305948,0.0,0.0973221614230302,0.0,0.0,0.1097362934431555,0.08843279759687663,0.0,0.0,0.10897603290372572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338731116008344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037914359314248,0.0,0.09343955192857528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102283283903202,0.0,0.0,0.08487051042664094,0.06233707841255416,0.0,0.0,0.10215216658212996,0.0,0.0,0.23256355910435425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923314671358888,0.0,0.0,0.12611050203683088,0.08485609483293388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713413125888706,0.10894517646045483,0.3037685560323738,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nobodylikesrugnugz,2019/04/12,"Today was rough My existence is unimportant I’m disliked by most, my entire being is void of life. I’m a musician coming to terms with the fact that the odds of me making even a reasonable living are the same as science discovering time travel. Anyways I’m not going to kill myself, but definitely one of those days I just don’t care much for living.",9.251304347826084,6.8582726811594235,9.79739130434783,65.78565217391306,61.31884057971014,12.678260869565218,36.04347826086956,11.20814326018867,3.975382608695652,281,9,50,6,3,96,55,69,0.049,0.8059999999999999,0.145,0.828,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,2,1,10,13,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,1,5,1,9,11,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30014183551334456,0.0,0.0,0.2535838297636726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898518889911248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443638366436528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673039447475563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32568981382512696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793055108081496,0.0,0.0,0.5198889950348572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650211835706707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21640447401900295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948070699695536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026734902689022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165637828997699,0.0,0.2790394981807737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,holtkid,2019/04/12,"Too lazy to survive???? I dont really know how else to put it. But I'm not actively suicidal(put a gun in my hand, and won't use it) but I honestly dont know if I can continue with life. I see the things I need to do. And I just can't seem to find the effort to actually do it. Anyone have any thoughts, opinions on this? Thanks.",-2.075833333333332,-0.31586802777777656,1.3361111111111121,96.17000000000002,104.27777777777777,5.7333333333333325,17.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.36597777777777774,250,8,62,6,12,89,51,72,0.046,0.767,0.187,0.8981,0,0,0,1,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,2,1,2,0,17,17,6,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,7,2,8,15,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.21947561213548925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529436524371554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725936065859816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527175831696122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787993181327556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055598214309448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247204685448432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885761373210633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676479666414698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521848852334846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408041083746256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922079936455682,0.20474578821276404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20706303829742065,0.0,0.0,0.14941741611679699,0.0,0.0,0.17855007841215256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424639505699406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WeirdAutumnEdition,2019/04/12,Thinking about getting it over with Nothing ever seems to truly improve. I can't even indulge in the hobbies I'd like to because I'm such a fucking failure. I want to die so I don't have to hurt anymore. I'm lonely. I'm empty. My motivation is gone. I even tried to call the national suicide hotline and the woman who answered was condescending right away. So what's the fucking point? I'm not alive because I want to be. I'm alive because others make me feel guilty for wanting to die.,1.4818181818181806,3.8965925353535376,3.4149494949494934,86.60909090909092,83.24242424242425,4.8121212121212125,29.202020202020197,6.11248444174946,1.4251535353535352,387,20,73,3,11,130,67,99,0.244,0.607,0.149,-0.9141,0,2,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,5,0,6,2,0,2,1,13,22,3,3,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,1,7,1,13,19,0,8,0,2,0,2,3,6,2,1,2,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892050973768593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924655465981512,0.0,0.0,0.348897948935175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481038904529385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39600448434339897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520202465964519,0.17257380517982074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646542665747056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527509218038554,0.0996760463504363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423674397686306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320675288440948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734888242562314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306107237934746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803512453008817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629273177792564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368133485107287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868522448883225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224580147061614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129528877840583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375856024809672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,YouGuestIncorrectly,2019/04/12,"How do you stop thinking of killing yourself? I have wanted death for over 7 years. I know that I am just a young adult going through that part of their life. But how the hell do you stop thinking of suicide? Is it proper sleep/nutrition or something. I mean I really hate having to cry myself to sleep. I can't seem to work on myself, every time I do introspection, I break down.   


I really do not want to think of dying any more. Does anyone have any advice?",1.9579589371980681,4.121166510869564,3.274927536231885,89.78987922705316,79.54347826086956,5.828019323671497,20.004830917874393,6.937597516519254,0.3495903381642518,357,9,73,4,9,116,65,92,0.306,0.6940000000000001,0.0,-0.9847,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,1,1,3,3,3,0,2,0,10,2,1,2,0,16,20,4,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,14,0,13,20,2,10,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,2,5,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779132606337832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476229043727749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730511860271104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19999148307156908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889562654053881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932760673900342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339886491170526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347257836420186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975295923282264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014295887302143,0.0,0.10005897794688086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859894172540462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832377527926046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716025950961652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332729029696413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574648874744974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643959397112839,0.0,0.0,0.14016367405318508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044314654052199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915118249267413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499825535411693,0.0,0.0,0.10616443073787213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477505843634614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325465684756824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724484616622395
suicidewatch,LaCruxTwitch,2019/04/12,"It's not weakness that's left me to kill myself, it's being tired of the pain of loss. Fuck people who think it's an act of weakness. See you all in the next one.",0.7761261261261296,1.8235037297297327,2.614594594594596,98.28423423423423,79.27027027027026,4.933333333333334,17.738738738738736,3.1291,-0.9398936936936936,126,2,32,0,3,42,28,37,0.353,0.5489999999999999,0.098,-0.9191,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,0,1,0,6,2,0,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,1,3,0,5,3,1,4,0,1,1,1,2,2,1,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111335200864262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723408778047471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656607594562189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579229808965042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280538671935205,0.0,0.3581111654327984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333202456859266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681854563538249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215646589003037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868128120802482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ManyMindsManyVoices,2019/04/12,I might actually have a method that works I've been wanting it so badly for almost 5 years and I finally think I found a method that'll actually work!,4.704193548387097,5.240725387096777,6.442096774193548,76.48314516129034,69.3225806451613,10.070967741935485,28.403225806451612,10.125756701596842,2.6256322580645173,121,4,25,3,2,42,24,31,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.6466,0,0,2,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,14,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.5558241591051726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28517411907420925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377861466138465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119714152996033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122554242852479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021151423737254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248069891048896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797538495327569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146582201124086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833941828435905
suicidewatch,adornoea,2019/04/12,I fuck up everything. And I really don’t want to live anymore.,-0.4269230769230781,1.80982207692308,3.2834615384615375,83.09903846153847,97.46153846153842,8.753846153846155,21.884615384615387,8.841846274778883,2.6687230769230776,49,2,10,2,2,18,12,13,0.268,0.612,0.121,-0.4445,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848429460323122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393786709788847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519666713903046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316947620201546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131925037073516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883572735163593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,solidgun1,2019/04/12,"I have finally run out of reasons to stay alive. First time I considered suicide was when I was 15. I am 37 now and completely failure in life. I kept telling myself that I would give myself until 40 to see if I still feel like going at the halfway point in life.

People don't know. I hide it so well that I seem like happy, social, bursting with energy at all times in public. But I have been making myself live. I worked hard in life to achieve goals....but now everything has been either lost by me or taken away. My future is bleak. I am good at anything I put effort into, but the drive is gone and now I am just pretending.

​

I finally told my mother, but she didn't quite understand it and tried to blow it off. I understand why she reacted this way, but there is a reason why that is the worst reaction one can have to someone suicidal and reluctant to confess/admit.

​

There are other people I can talk to, but what would be the point....I have felt this way for over 20 years. I grasped at anything.....setting long term goals.....random adventures to reignite interests.....hobbies......online shopping and expecting the packages......

​

If I had done it earlier in life, at least I wouldn't have felt all this pain and suffered the consequences of failure after hoping. 

​

I have the perfect and what I believe to be a foolproof plan to end my life. About 10 minutes ago, I realized that I have absolutely no reason to stay alive. Nothing that is worth anything. I am going to spend the next 4 months doing things. A list of activities of my choice for the summer. Then I think I will call it good. I've really run out of excuses to stay alive.

​

I had no one I could tell so I decided to post it on reddit. Have a great weekend!!!",3.09530570142536,5.2232303197674455,4.173788447111779,84.90316954238561,75.74418604651162,7.229407351837961,26.503750937734427,8.155646560271837,1.8191306451612903,1386,53,264,24,31,450,187,344,0.125,0.742,0.133,-0.599,0,0,0,0,0,2,89.0,0,0,0,8,12,14,0,0,13,0,38,6,0,5,3,47,57,20,2,8,10,1,4,2,0,4,6,0,0,0,18,11,0,1,14,3,3,7,5,4,1,3,15,5,40,10,43,35,6,54,0,2,1,0,12,18,0,5,25,189,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052664682258025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699100979364363,0.4148421144345573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237825919577124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415188698088944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692887285352254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972214380608438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159092743961128,0.0,0.0,0.054516516331781686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987477733247634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047635957018727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061366215464168476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03452473136924792,0.04877968616096181,0.13112019958369722,0.14959615596794032,0.0,0.05807945762118636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550098926517699,0.07761089591234092,0.11454108334850248,0.0,0.07527962088228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268598607163435,0.06116602081728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067818058901856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03752524120543832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411430941045479,0.06671692059291595,0.0,0.0602930354399357,0.0604261970486021,0.0,0.0,0.07453635893436522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04557784180575212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054500936756055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261721040880763,0.0,0.0,0.06551709319137679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253742588449644,0.0,0.07265539023183418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467436447456737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909450591519409,0.0,0.06539395622227719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864087894231934,0.0,0.07262484060933226,0.0,0.0,0.04374231143593985,0.21061153803751975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441081112994834,0.062160108935995835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960348986973154,0.057853944888512664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833415689562324,0.054528988639454594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493758243933537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488137322045473,0.1193605370428288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536260766987593,0.04375146208369138,0.0,0.0,0.07962995330597199,0.0,0.0,0.06524505528799926,0.0,0.046358056631888,0.0,0.0,0.14216505990657607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839595055376924,0.0,0.0,0.0613924745194707,0.0,0.12322527226946403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970910212218671,0.0,0.0,0.09700918196949453,0.0,0.4148421144345573,0.04397047843940339
suicidewatch,AwkwardQueues,2019/04/12,"I believe it's my time to go... When I was 4, I wanted to commit suicide right there, but I didn't. I told myself that things would get better later in life. I said to myself that when I was older, and things are still the same, then I should kill myself. Later in life, I found out that the youngest person to commit suicide was 6; I was angry at that point because I should have done it at 4 and I didn't.

Right now, there's nothing going on in my life. Life is boring to me. I went to a couple of psychologists about this, and told me that ""I don't have agency in my own life, and that nothing I did changed any way I felt about the situation."" That analysis was correct, and the only way to change is to kill myself. Doctors have prescribed me anti-depressants, but the thing is that I don't feel depressed, I felt bored. Either way, the drugs didn't work, as usual. Nothing did, whether it'd be illegal nor legal drugs/activities.

Lately, I went to the Funeral Homes around my area and asked what would it cost for me. Money isn't an issue since I don't spend any money, and I don't want to leave money to anyone else, so the funeral will be extravagant. The rest of my money will be taken out of my bank accounts and I will bury it somewhere.

I know how to kill myself since I planned this from the very start; the method will be inert gas asphyxiation with Helium. I have already picked the time and place and now I'm just going through the motions. 

Is there any point to living if you are constantly bored and nothing you do will change said boredom?",3.896233766233767,4.812208079365082,4.828376623376624,85.94775974025976,71.38095238095238,7.251082251082251,24.794372294372288,7.348242739294969,0.9989047619047616,1215,33,252,12,22,396,147,315,0.18,0.78,0.04,-0.9943,0,0,3,0,0,7,43.0,0,2,0,3,14,8,3,0,15,0,41,7,0,2,3,38,62,22,7,7,6,0,3,0,0,9,7,2,1,1,19,15,0,0,5,0,8,6,9,7,0,0,21,5,42,1,33,27,4,40,0,1,0,0,8,16,0,1,15,181,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712679914868523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17955976174587301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154217121186505,0.09018182250009098,0.0,0.07835205706590315,0.08228219299823937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053653159123119736,0.0,0.0,0.09916282428642736,0.0,0.07784216153460059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793247657323928,0.0,0.0,0.09511300391256718,0.0,0.0,0.09738698160042446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161447162507524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008713582692217,0.0,0.09006995695708173,0.0,0.0,0.10206951805638753,0.0,0.07352528258097017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450305513800433,0.0,0.16901650614947344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650396222498804,0.0,0.0,0.04598423228275033,0.0,0.15006294805699727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882862740407782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186484785903257,0.0,0.0,0.2921268454756325,0.0,0.048370771102365054,0.0,0.099284812969673,0.09319523230585457,0.0,0.0,0.3108381727378937,0.0,0.0,0.07771890393363425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33781126689660024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669394135929331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685134900905413,0.09195699689114163,0.0,0.16640534732370488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503287479847762,0.16744494048481826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456139220238613,0.09893260677967344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229750722308965,0.0,0.0702889346795263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254836419041724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541987007038573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264456990877316,0.0,0.0,0.16820430907394626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693614573764144,0.07262163605579681,0.10382711679942193,0.20958675591003745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631816710429374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407600652831824,0.0,0.0,0.12504673614713646,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,birdwithleaf,2019/04/12,"Found a ""so someone in your family is suicidal"" pamphlet on the counter My fiance kicked me out last week. Due to past experiences, I told them I knew it was going to happen months ago. They would assure me it wouldn't, but it did. You're not supposed to base your happiness on other people, it's really not fair, but I feel like they were the only reason I was alive. They would tell me how happy I made them until they just suddenly wanted to be alone. I absolutely know it's because of how mentally ill I am (MDD, GAD, cPTSD, BPD)

 I've been attempting suicide for almost 10 years now, it started in my mid-teens. I OD'ed on my meds (lithium, cymbalta, and abilify to name a few) as soon as I got to my mother's house, the method I've chosen time and time again but it never works. Lithium is newish for me, I was really expecting it to shut me down completely but I just ended up puking and having really bad diarrhea for a few days. And now I know, I've been affecting my younger brother (21). I try to keep to myself in my mother's guest bedroom and not let it hurt him but it does. I tried to break into his gun safe last night when he was away because I know it's a surefire (haha) way to die. I want to wrap a blanket around my head so it doesn't make too much of a mess for my mother or the police to clean. I've considered hanging, but I just want my mother to find me dead in my bed. I want to go out honorably and quietly, preferably in my sleep. I've been drinking a lot, hoping I just won't wake up. I was groomed and abused for most of my teenhood and the memories, and now this breakup with someone who promised would never leave me, are too much to bear. Therapy and medication do fuck all, I know I need to do this. And please don't do the ""well if being suicidal is affecting your brother, imagine how your death will"" talk, I need to eject myself from this family so I stop hurting them permanently.",4.299236641221373,4.6245798193384235,5.583548091603053,83.03034503816794,70.14503816793894,9.036091603053436,27.93374045801527,9.065960079200117,2.0375824732824435,1491,48,316,27,25,501,207,393,0.172,0.71,0.118,-0.9854,0,1,2,1,1,1,52.0,0,4,7,3,20,15,1,0,13,1,30,7,3,8,4,72,54,29,6,14,15,6,1,1,1,6,2,1,3,0,17,16,1,3,11,1,0,3,9,5,1,0,15,2,58,10,47,30,7,47,0,2,0,1,26,17,1,6,26,215,75,1,0.0,0.11497729107264132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602067291785227,0.0,0.09717218420853596,0.1005048378795465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863867440682309,0.0,0.0,0.0911728763567885,0.0,0.0810248816267434,0.1183101477915891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221928994202272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174526553932707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258318530470842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071286434569547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492091865598445,0.0,0.0,0.09506288416638872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594920450654715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492436728172918,0.18296255938562872,0.0,0.04906666370261984,0.06932585313353562,0.0,0.0,0.08869338759595484,0.0,0.0,0.1064000537891196,0.0,0.08971250867109762,0.0,0.0,0.1103008648687661,0.0,0.07761226523016909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581271812380717,0.2066031330599681,0.0,0.0,0.0995916936236835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963832521537247,0.0,0.11197187048691144,0.20776802590661084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625418023688151,0.0,0.0,0.21332399327248336,0.15820214808804606,0.0,0.1027520269801404,0.0,0.09923062986012872,0.0,0.0474091553529488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250048255009464,0.0,0.09182220061171817,0.06477538122616718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077902756144742,0.09775823635128976,0.09779414166256437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745691361610606,0.0,0.14267207316470104,0.14390881102085998,0.1496874490072212,0.0,0.0,0.09106606762020937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380378010070962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263627196269313,0.06727576173222008,0.0,0.0,0.10652148277386066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650015797495345,0.0997739407755226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711072232913183,0.0,0.16444443997864422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686858649804586,0.0,0.0,0.08113032085000903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31844013190521503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799759119182044,0.08481779724521224,0.0,0.11097442986067788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317035599007358,0.0,0.0,0.09272649081135588,0.0,0.13176845029357304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894833657653094,0.07702634374854317,0.07784014859956195,0.0,0.08725119013675169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064674220640152,0.0,0.0,0.206804660846828,0.0,0.0,0.0624909910334952
suicidewatch,1800SUCKMYDICK,2019/04/12,"I'm a drunk All I do is drink and make my friends dislike me every time I interact with me. It use to be that I was the life of the talk, and would be the person people would look forward to talking to... Now I'm the person most people don't want to interact with because of my drinking. The only time I feel like I can interact with people is when I drink and the only time I can talk with people like a regular person is when I drink. I have the solution if I need to use it, but I'm not a pussy, just need someone to talk with. My friends say I'm bi-polar when I drink, and personally, I don't know if I am. Just need someone to talk with on the phone or voice.",4.18,3.157453678082192,5.8329794520547935,85.74823630136987,70.43835616438356,8.943835616438355,28.523972602739725,8.07648339933343,1.5716739726027391,511,15,122,6,8,177,65,146,0.036000000000000004,0.877,0.087,0.7655,0,0,5,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,11,0,15,7,0,3,1,30,29,11,0,8,7,0,1,2,2,2,1,2,0,4,3,10,6,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,18,4,16,24,2,9,0,0,1,0,16,2,0,4,10,80,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560101072417793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5271078939615604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067014838156703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441329914362643,0.07688006683732958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662859247382978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914230449210681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601154763867614,0.1051503549538838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036936638730936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183374474294417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393851321624572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369187800864946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29842633446098105,0.3758605273506104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557964416203584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823634180488682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324836805417646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825324476921104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588934788376085,0.0,0.0,0.06347402384069817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289299666749542,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,onyxistalking,2019/04/12,"I keep crying at the office. I'm an adult approaching my mid-20s, and I still feel as shit as when I was in childhood. Currently on a regular job, pretty stable, but I still feel like I'm failing everywhere. Whenever I fail, I always feel like crying. I still can't talk to people right. And I feel so isolated and lonely. I just feel like a waste of space like always. My boyfriend supports me but I feel like he can only handle so much, I don't wanna burden him anymore. I don't have contact with friends, and I feel like officemates can't be trusted. I kept looking for painless and sure ways to die, but I might just go with random pills. It's an escape plan. That should come in handy.",2.213995572772553,4.274626935251804,3.521007194244607,88.86288323187605,78.2086330935252,6.29131156613171,23.641947980077475,7.321109707123232,1.0025380188157165,540,18,109,7,13,176,87,139,0.222,0.535,0.244,-0.0527,2,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,8,15,1,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,1,27,25,13,1,2,5,0,7,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,7,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,2,8,19,10,13,20,1,16,0,3,1,0,6,6,1,2,12,66,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064928922717568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255332807920196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903740438566488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780842259910782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136998637241476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448018323049509,0.4521436482110071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779534247336052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193829313074583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561105219726088,0.11251006071467404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710433696692356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629526400212604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342813059715191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930508154501318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626974318576527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775458785105356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877729847471694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809857141816877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993248253110198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032606947327694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364140827005992,0.11930008912434675,0.0,0.0,0.10174015562480196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047325924352522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squirtsmchurts,2019/04/12,"Every post on here reminds me of my fiance She always said she wasnt good enough for her daughter and that shed kill herself as soon as she could. On the bad days. Now shes had a schizophrenic episode or something of the like, accused half the people in her life of heinous acts that never occured. Shes been gone for 7 days. Told her best friend that she went to find answers. The police wont let me file a missing persons report and i cant stop crying. If you love your partner let them know every day nomatter what. This hurts so bad and im really worried shes dead and i dont know what to do.",1.1249723076923068,3.277397448000002,2.414400000000004,94.87858461538464,82.52,4.806153846153847,21.615384615384613,5.873414542411696,0.08517230769230766,471,15,102,3,13,151,87,125,0.199,0.6729999999999999,0.129,-0.8785,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,4,10,1,0,6,0,13,3,0,0,1,13,21,9,2,2,2,1,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,2,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,3,5,5,0,1,7,1,19,5,12,10,2,14,0,2,0,1,21,3,0,2,8,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382361843998754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27742867228565593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434661107815164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326438930070653,0.0,0.1824895896104454,0.3214266344715351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947069482438173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166007204898315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799488805673529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518427936409427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283541477419082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934469979820496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784909528228687,0.0,0.1794524338527137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380184204955907,0.0,0.18260499439201075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397650368560169,0.11734483758695068,0.08116432113004016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994175713718555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813221507439215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517588720682295,0.14506115816428067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591097435438968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064292230757972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580307783056295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278975032506983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889484775315136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874745334408266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540072002502023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687163940067524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HighlandHilltopper,2019/04/12,I just turned an age I never thought I’d see. I always wondered if I’d make it to 25. I never wondered if I’d make it 26; I *knew* I wouldn’t. But midnight passed and today’s the day. I feel like crying but idk if I’m sad or just exhausted. I self-harmed (some very shallow cuts not intended to cause much bleeding) the other day for the first time in a long time in part because I realized what week it was.,0.18466916354557128,2.01793246067416,2.4531835205992536,95.08766541822723,83.94382022471909,5.303870162297129,21.124843945068665,6.42735559955562,0.16909637952559287,315,10,74,3,9,107,60,89,0.174,0.805,0.021,-0.9103,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,4,2,24,12,7,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,2,9,1,5,8,3,14,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,7,12,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575667901185834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143510224103568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464107652521007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882019139477651,0.256944840249358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072534663468233,0.1423139472033762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944588036560804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732276960025517,0.0,0.0,0.17629245477511302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659452359321922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644050502088618,0.0,0.3072823593528463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572241506854092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874266342937993,0.0,0.2078169693840048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814858042796462,0.23231910375968606,0.0,0.1888255093597506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166806617913512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436713035126468,0.0,0.0,0.1597923184120511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43206428295143456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paigearie,2019/04/12,"family guy theme song parody It seems today
 that all I see
 is suicidal tendencies
 and my hopeless dreams
But where is the good old will I had to live,
When i was just barely five?
Oh god please I just want to die!
I feel I cant stand,
This aint the life I've planned.
I gotta find my way out
But I just sigh:
""Please can I just die?""



I hope you sang it in your head its more fun that way....",-1.45062695924765,0.4632858390804629,0.7864994775339618,103.5107210031348,92.90804597701148,5.002716823406479,12.506792058516195,6.574015621080383,-1.073519540229885,296,4,80,4,11,98,63,87,0.121,0.649,0.23,0.7336,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,14,14,4,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,4,14,3,4,10,2,9,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,46,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42692769953294896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938972371767956,0.0,0.1039982230393771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798821866565046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251501548046566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365599724737896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108749576124394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204287110603128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452781950241519,0.0,0.0,0.1816196187116081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582704869160446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515507714623618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390070095334838,0.18724377038993584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498104526583068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949610311011591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131566717113647,0.3265191587355066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,losthurtdone,2019/04/12,"My life is going nowhere. I am 19 years old. I want to kill myself.

I think about ending my life every single day. I don't feel worthy of being on this planet. I know that if I go through with it that it will break my mom. That's what's kept me here.

I would love to talk to a therapist in person but I can't afford it. I don't have health insurance. I also don't have a job. I also am not in college because I can't decide on a career. Or maybe it's because I can't justify being in debt for the rest of my life over something that, knowing myself, I'll get sick of.

I think about money and my lack of it constantly. I've always dreamed of being a wealthy person with a luxurious life and I feel like I'm accepting the fact that it will never happen for me because I'm useless and I ruin every financial opportunity that comes my way. I ruin every regular opportunity that comes my way.

I am not passionate about anything. Every passion I have dwindles quickly. I quit every job I have because my social anxiety makes them all unbearable. I can't hold friendships. I'm not a person of consistency or stability. I know the things I can do to improve myself and I simply don't do them. I don't have the energy to.

I feel as though I contribute absolutely nothing to this society and this world. I am taking up resources.

I have nobody to tell this to who will understand so if you actually read this I appreciate you very much.",1.8705387615797164,3.9278945802047818,4.479467333008291,81.58508105802049,79.30716723549489,7.189127254997562,24.457459775719162,8.192908349453996,1.6759937591418814,1124,41,221,22,28,397,141,293,0.139,0.752,0.109,-0.86,4,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,2,2,3,9,11,1,0,10,0,30,9,0,1,3,37,53,15,1,5,8,1,3,1,0,4,6,0,0,3,21,9,0,2,11,2,2,4,13,4,0,0,1,3,48,7,30,45,5,22,0,3,0,3,13,8,0,4,8,164,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.10508739768718232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223519790246772,0.08960456851029272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238058927941376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861757941545786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625810315017916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855263714832293,0.0,0.11637185528668098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694494836610557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537909975331817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536565219352175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335000092402954,0.07693192158635623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626223759683283,0.0,0.12240249637672823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522763880159596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446670251389875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372631587892169,0.0,0.11914018619471214,0.0,0.17754658595382172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30425126632469685,0.05261063884872852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719211007074592,0.0,0.07188219580390867,0.0,0.10818649771819884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612221662829134,0.0,0.0,0.07916265180413712,0.0,0.08305518481902836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332899353499264,0.0,0.11299984292313447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208553081834226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145388374279898,0.10771657185628497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977377359759022,0.0,0.08290304482921561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096754557542855,0.08655507719372182,0.09412356043029547,0.0,0.0,0.1250334063637205,0.07154274352434101,0.13800351397113692,0.10580235332248664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210641254397008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885340777940212,0.06351683636299912,0.17095453916542164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649806064564646,0.0,0.0,0.06934717431868058
suicidewatch,dontwanttodiepog,2019/04/12,"Darkness I have nothing but happiness around me.  A great family... amazing job..good friends.  I have no trauma in the past.

I might seem like I'm humble-bragging...

I realize now mental health is not a joke.

I am on the edge... I have no reason to be.  I don't get why I am so sad all the time.  So mad at myself.  All my problems I create on my own. 

Thanks for listening....",-1.585864135864135,0.2797704935064935,1.4316883116883157,95.34775224775228,103.80519480519482,4.447152847152847,17.611388611388612,6.297961479604792,0.0035202797202797953,276,9,62,4,13,96,57,77,0.3,0.458,0.241,-0.618,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,4,11,1,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,2,10,14,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,13,7,7,12,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,4,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762473780164585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045884784340684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887223521892044,0.0,0.12772231985085236,0.0,0.0,0.2050447560893536,0.0,0.26952235915809364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602364121146977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598537387637697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425927410925495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194327337413478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463621550667897,0.2593376102125232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456974563851876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333684943708505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339189769778512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513496478529187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225507914306898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506955308525076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254889054393696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059068377815172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TinyFriendlyMonsters,2019/04/12,"I'll keep it brief I was sexually assaulted last Wednesday night. 

Now I want to die.",-0.03372549019607973,2.151441705882352,2.5847058823529423,86.62450980392158,102.52941176470587,6.972549019607843,23.31372549019608,7.793537801064563,1.9448196078431368,67,3,14,2,3,23,15,17,0.3720000000000001,0.561,0.066,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5352151279134372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4583778091157458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4203642874980104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839494670971222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041731908889303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DemonEmoji,2019/04/13,"Anyone excited about committing suicide? The thought of finally ending it all is very exciting to me. When I think about it, I feel excited, anxious, sad, and hopeful. I wonder what I'm going to see and experience on the other side. Will I go to hell? Am I an alien in a simulation? Or maybe I'll simply disappear. Whatever happens, I'll be glad that this shitty life ends.",2.171666666666667,4.757782833333334,4.800555555555559,76.67500000000003,81.77777777777777,8.6,28.44444444444445,9.188382445141503,3.2088277777777776,292,14,52,9,8,103,57,72,0.232,0.585,0.182,-0.7466,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,2,10,14,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,6,5,8,11,1,10,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,3,4,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27716605755334234,0.0,0.1715484789436389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43459948966577694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23999106108273385,0.0,0.0,0.1240520324020946,0.0,0.0,0.2687596174013039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886645290596035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695467525007106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436794641604033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329195470609315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464785095406672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955054083731061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26836377681767265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720492460889862,0.0,0.19477374344264528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243242899055527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660623875680156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigorangejug,2019/04/13,"This is my note I've lived a pretty unexceptional life. I've fucked up more than most. In my late 30s I just really feel like it's time to let go. I've been abused since a young age, noone has ever really wanted me. I let down and disappoint everyone in my life. I suck at everything I do, and the world would be a better place without me in it. I have had some perfect moments, and those will always stick with me. They include:

- seeing my daughter walk for the first time
- a sunset walk with my daughter and my boyfriend where, for no particular reason I felt like my heart would burst with love
- laying on the beach and feeling the warmth of the sand beneath me, and the sounds of the waves
- seeing Phantom of the Opera live in London
- feeling (falsely, though I didn't know it) that I was loved unconditionally, like I was the luckiest girl in the world to be in the best relationship 
- having my son wrap his chubby arms around me and tell me I am the prettiest and the best mum
- dancing with my kids in the kitchen
- floating in any body of water, really. It's kind of my favorite thing to do
- mastering a difficult piano piece 
- the many late nights bonding and chatting with my girl-tribe

I am sorry to have to leave everyone. I hope that someday people will understand that I was so tired of the pain. There is only so much a person can withstand. I am obviously not affecting any good on anyone, so there really is no point in me sticking around. I'm sorry that I was always such a disappointment to everyone. I tried my best. 

Please forgive me.",4.365571172248804,5.635440108552633,5.208959330143543,82.32862440191387,70.61184210526315,8.29043062200957,26.647129186602868,8.710501217029153,1.843656578947369,1219,39,241,21,22,397,166,304,0.109,0.706,0.185,0.9817,0,0,0,0,1,1,38.0,0,0,1,7,12,20,2,0,23,0,28,12,3,2,3,37,44,13,0,4,3,4,5,3,0,4,4,1,1,3,11,16,2,0,8,4,0,4,5,6,0,1,8,8,38,14,38,28,8,37,0,2,2,3,15,22,2,3,14,169,49,0,0.0,0.1191915329041489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741028046700085,0.0,0.0,0.13681943639923216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034007868569102,0.0,0.0,0.1791061235141743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167124640966016,0.08897027289723636,0.0,0.11174109306969897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099615625099307,0.0,0.2883755342690756,0.09041050489030072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259528572940667,0.07186684107606522,0.096589331409894,0.0,0.0,0.0855681427894526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300072500776854,0.0,0.0,0.0571718512486763,0.08437637141129221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920846707937845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991597004343693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475676775177276,0.05528572974318365,0.0,0.22695661914620555,0.10651817842041328,0.0,0.20573542433871586,0.14210991324065933,0.14744050362011432,0.0,0.17765878942547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158625923469707,0.0,0.0,0.10199002873155216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395070341485889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440389570796212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650889668957843,0.1070427834627908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974160804581374,0.08783781641028891,0.1051029281166423,0.11042579539483033,0.09509710978650424,0.0,0.0,0.10234377592504017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25778121932914505,0.10343093696135999,0.0,0.10800401780656203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603262925223665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321525330679083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252212269290336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792660861024322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683247828715819,0.0,0.09883648757123144,0.0,0.1173183685571696,0.11562197462929755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829906772187062,0.0,0.0,0.10472549713790268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933498462572723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697235560908407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292308975739604,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LolaIsLoud,2019/04/13,"I can't live anymore. Everything has just gotten worse and worse every year. Bullying at school keeps happening to me, my uglyness, my weak body, my lazy ass, I can't even do anything right. Even if I decide to go to another school I'll still get bullied thanks to toxic 13 year olds who think playstation is great and nintendo is shit. I honestly can't stand it, nobody loves me and those toxic kids at my school make me have a bad rep at school and just lower my chances of getting a relationship (not that important tho). Might commit suicide later.",5.603504043126684,6.541307113207548,5.900619946091645,79.72915094339623,67.49056603773586,9.453369272237195,30.23719676549865,9.606745405546679,2.727923450134771,438,16,82,9,7,140,74,106,0.275,0.58,0.145,-0.9607,1,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,2,0,9,5,3,1,1,14,19,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,12,4,8,17,0,11,0,0,0,2,4,4,2,2,5,47,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569227917950897,0.0,0.0,0.14841421323326812,0.0,0.0,0.12315054770138975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495286756154853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662292343150141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19768699224295444,0.0,0.12608796022899338,0.0,0.13449724348565492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563736094047968,0.0,0.08505047513282707,0.0,0.0,0.16499146024775962,0.0,0.0,0.1323364500822849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301725276710133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214513892891466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506644693319486,0.0,0.0998936310562975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158756739662664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703422095196165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066985465885353,0.0,0.12780168197187491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6058217925068428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361525681980562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951199217017924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636946035562041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777912280392354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958907275642499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501561035357994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927414979109568
suicidewatch,IamNoOne2099,2019/04/13,"I am really depressed right now I been wanting to kill myself for years now, the first time I was 15 and it was because of constant bullying in high school and because of how much my parents hit me, I didn’t had a break, in my “home” my parents would beat the shit out of me for no reason and when I went to school I had more of the same. But I ended up fighting on and continue to live, then the years progressed and nothing changed, and at the age of 18 I got really depressed because in between all the shit that I had at home, the closest person I had in my life, my cousin, blocked in all social media for no reason, and I still don’t know why, this was almost 6 years ago. I fucking loved her, and she loved me back and for some reason she decided to push me away and block me, more than a half decade later I still think of her every goddamn day, feels like I am already dead due that I can’t speak to her. Last time I saw her was around 4, 3 years ago, I haven’t seen her since. A year and a half ago my father tried to kill me twice, the police didn’t do a thing, and the day that I almost died because he strangled me, I grabbed a knife and I was really close to cut my throat, bad way to go, but I had enough. Yet I didn’t, because why would they have a “victory” like that, I fought on and time went by until a couple of weeks ago when for some reason I started to had dreams about my cousin, about how we would watch movies, how she would laugh at any bullshit I said, at how we danced like idiots or simply had fun. Every time I woke up from one of those dreams I felt worse, everyday since is grimmer and I am just really sad because after almost 6 years she still has me blocked. Sometimes I think that if I die, maybe just maybe. I will be able to live again and start things over and be with her again, because in some of the worst days I had, she was the only one that defended me, and whenever she needed defending I defended her. I survived bullying, physical and mental abuse, but the one thing that is slowly killing me is the love I feel for someone who for unknown reasons has blocked me out of her life. So, should I kill myself?",6.777890699904122,4.736956038031323,6.808072866730588,84.16422818791948,65.80089485458613,9.856567593480346,31.800255672738892,7.957251820313856,1.953747714924896,1667,47,375,15,21,534,202,447,0.193,0.72,0.086,-0.9944,2,0,0,0,4,3,44.0,2,0,1,4,22,24,11,0,21,0,39,9,3,9,2,69,63,33,7,8,7,5,4,3,0,6,2,2,2,1,14,26,0,4,12,3,0,5,8,16,0,7,27,9,74,8,55,27,11,73,0,3,3,4,33,23,3,8,46,266,88,2,0.06610286102589341,0.07832108109585756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23438479152419198,0.0,0.19857740033682075,0.0,0.07294615089384178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495221226129889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588455609334228,0.0,0.0,0.06210581390694949,0.05082901984280972,0.055193127838271364,0.2820698337576755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992806203881424,0.0,0.0,0.07143370929738509,0.0,0.0,0.07314155842864015,0.0,0.12789263042535207,0.0,0.11386859468026175,0.0,0.13720866689808872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058547514500309074,0.0683019258483202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138902281466714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684718540686656,0.04722389712487441,0.06346911289774715,0.0,0.0,0.056227059819962726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111102985112665,0.0,0.0,0.03756777926204536,0.0,0.052868496573682894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984130197276739,0.1326131186136355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925320870859558,0.0,0.03632840368066805,0.05388265436743725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338081127287468,0.09688355673830833,0.0,0.11674007469283765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898123871161833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328184174578256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661613635525994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048593208746703385,0.04901443386438923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634274779583654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343790281599052,0.050274204519190936,0.0,0.0,0.14679880884613378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057718468541600725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938874173472632,0.3398237527528782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05645148213621658,0.06287895823848558,0.0,0.0,0.13379924884305108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357072738388837,0.10936193945747344,0.0,0.0,0.06738354228631696,0.05600873963534753,0.0,0.06537741980038837,0.0,0.09357589052737174,0.0,0.15836949061147518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174741084943595,0.08471208845769856,0.0,0.0,0.15418043939730128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487950353082417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898918009914512,0.052469374247438166,0.0530237278518606,0.0,0.0,0.1225560288544575,0.11929510086710796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736446271079427,0.1878303035562336,0.0,0.0,0.2554084513994689
suicidewatch,boyharsher,2019/04/13,"just want to air out my thoughts I already feel so disconnected from everyone around me. everyone my age has dreams and hopes. They literally glow while I look and feel dead. I’m tired of feeding myself false hope, I have been holding back these feelings and thoughts allll semester long. I used to be able to control this negative voice inside me but now I can’t help but to cut myself and further make myself invisible from others. The amount of hate I feel for myself is overwhelming. As I express this I can’t help but to feel like a pathetic weak little girl. Being that I study biology, I feel as if I should just act accordingly and follow through with natural selection. Just kill myself off because I truly am not fit for this experience. I don’t want it.",4.917391033623911,6.576791075342469,5.831569115815692,76.8933188044832,69.75342465753424,9.418679950186801,30.396014943960147,9.800150414767053,3.044610958904109,611,25,112,15,11,201,98,146,0.197,0.649,0.153,-0.9072,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,1,1,7,8,3,1,2,0,11,3,0,3,0,33,29,13,2,6,8,0,6,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,8,1,2,8,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,3,9,23,3,18,23,1,14,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,3,6,79,30,1,0.16517557807130584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822753577526287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704128373960942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270098238568714,0.0,0.1006894992879805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525845597145232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156646865820484,0.0,0.16157341006221207,0.0,0.0,0.5011064114620012,0.11800146597778195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307668693986352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142741645888325,0.0,0.0,0.32811323729224995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274230433801134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069644410492166,0.1655493224087845,0.0,0.14617518882078792,0.13870588504753958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025598097198053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226191739501203,0.0,0.18984502868384626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265866603856087,0.0,0.0,0.19484967099623385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,I_am_Me21,2019/04/13,Old habits I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to drive to the bridge that I used to go to daily. No one knew but it was apart of each and every day. It’s not the only thing on my mind. But I need to tell myself I need to drive home to just drive home. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to sit there. I want my help to start. I can’t get help until the end of the month. I need to stay strong until I am out of this mess. I hurt so bad. How can I be positive?,-2.3841398601398573,-0.8026784909090896,0.4754545454545465,106.7247202797203,93.0,3.748251748251748,10.279720279720278,4.713530739802397,-2.0806853146853146,346,2,102,1,13,119,64,110,0.181,0.639,0.18,-0.4943,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,0,20,21,7,1,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,2,0,16,1,19,18,1,17,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179543377272975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172459813513851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886797317430822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610208681401657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317436878390234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949830137292224,0.0,0.10332114834423456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437134598956969,0.0,0.3647205123597456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462069541727112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18356620797855328,0.0,0.14511105187684611,0.0,0.0,0.4044072626960634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907685525890327,0.0,0.1231924073908978,0.13826711732901373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286789990856654,0.19377464592690893,0.0,0.15199296806480064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890124201347647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077986373548087,0.11649012039061987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701685744420202,0.0,0.0,0.4289214789881116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,phamdontworry,2019/04/13,"It pisses me off when people say, 'you've still got another 60 years left to live' When people try to make me feel better by giving me advice on how I've become a failure... don't you see that's the opposite of what I want?

I don't even see myself living for another 5 years let alone 60...",5.920107526881722,4.010886064516132,7.315161290322582,79.42607526881723,67.38709677419354,10.20215053763441,27.11827956989247,8.841846274778883,1.7691763440860209,224,4,49,3,3,78,47,62,0.075,0.8140000000000001,0.112,0.29600000000000004,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,5,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,2,0,4,10,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,7,1,7,8,0,8,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,5,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967390045446897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085189200125437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222276782535275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22235504191730146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806152527712502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297768730857742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179935553103478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313570966057012,0.0,0.0,0.1610233503875483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874747828135252,0.20587530120089254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35555915469120125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439047136088095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27915609786339657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010704661143466,0.0,0.0,0.320870592602688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078375359062255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669100675468088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875065143337254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593020243748841
suicidewatch,moonligh1t,2019/04/13,"Sometimes I think about giving up everything. Does this all make sense? I think it would be easier to die, and finally to sleep forever",3.0838666666666685,6.0496787199999975,4.18,79.93666666666667,81.8,9.733333333333334,24.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.204333333333333,108,4,19,4,3,35,22,25,0.134,0.687,0.179,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,6,6,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395376398868428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862975696779285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29402789810721186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583848455658397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383910596260195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183800471487963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327393582553282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235669483969664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41925839285613065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23240316887592025,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arrogantboi21,2019/04/13,"How do I say goodbye? I've started a plan to ""leave"" and I don't know how to tell my s/o that I won't be around much longer, or if I even should",-1.2999999999999972,-0.6268576666666661,1.5455555555555556,105.355,84.0,4.800000000000002,17.555555555555557,3.1291,-1.2363777777777778,108,2,34,0,3,38,28,36,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,7,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945921720332192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29276667191194033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436021254189887,0.0,0.0,0.4693445266890224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258444559160397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524952804849698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31373916152243075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874256311318678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bobablurped,2019/04/13,"I think I’m ready Out of every points in my life, I think this is the time when I’m ready to end my life.

I considered Helium suicide, bought a tank since a month ago, and prepared the items (tubing and bag) already. 

But I didn’t even open the packaging until just now. Things havent been okay. Everything’s wrong. I’m in a void of sadness.

I think I’m ready to go.",0.5338461538461559,2.4979087307692325,2.281730769230773,96.06951923076923,83.48717948717949,5.951282051282053,18.724358974358974,7.1686216300943375,0.10263589743589696,283,7,67,4,8,93,53,78,0.159,0.718,0.123,-0.5812,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,1,4,2,0,0,0,9,13,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,8,10,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206200229533313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746489032825402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204367255899448,0.0,0.0,0.16438506810054648,0.0,0.2096949090451932,0.0,0.223680256134942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414461112293229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515872611435356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865627040837824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352751585730827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587883229478487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272237927725744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653470012090181,0.4784230950761091,0.0,0.0,0.14512584992220548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721148111181516,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,andrewhooveman2,2019/04/13,"Someone help I’m very strongly considering suicide after my girlfriend; my most favorite person in the whole world, broke up with me. She said she might be bisexual and I said I didn’t like bisexuals. That’s all I said. She hurt me, again again and again. I told her I hated her and to go fuck herself and then I apologized for everything but her sister came and took charge of the whole situation, not even giving my girlfriend a word in the saying. I really did love her.

I’m thinking about jumping off of my school, because it’s pretty tall or overdosing on Prozac or melatonin. 

If I get my girlfriend back I won’t kill myself. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past since I was about 10. For reference, I’m only 13 years old. 

Can someone help me out here?",2.4727999999999994,4.838270013333336,3.728666666666669,86.141,78.86666666666667,6.666666666666668,25.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.5033333333333332,602,23,118,10,15,196,99,150,0.16399999999999998,0.696,0.14,-0.7206,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,5,0,9,3,0,0,1,20,26,10,3,1,5,1,0,1,3,2,1,4,0,1,2,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,11,4,28,3,16,12,4,22,0,2,0,2,23,9,1,5,10,81,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254465405656204,0.0,0.08922195559663504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740108589743494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966718462514929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154225977109765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531088608249464,0.07646899451832946,0.1404054018976407,0.08318186606382656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450385615068526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962090114547866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668537253875375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192975313781433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150591276795759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209895748339598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526876051809949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358408655875586,0.0,0.0,0.11131619246404942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139720717080886,0.0,0.127799141017824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890450589808515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937643367832317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176761990063305,0.11639429220847075,0.0,0.14812788266070812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107356861551935,0.1645189359474593,0.0,0.0,0.2480269832429569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201962732628593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937839517598846,0.0,0.11619643217005934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985679166552006,0.16261546081281966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076538443256793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268196976354933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425342679821426
suicidewatch,Murglers,2019/04/13,please help me I need anyone to listen spending nights on the brink of killing myself is pretty common for me. but please I just need someone to talk to. I have no one. just anyone. anyone that can prove to me that I am actually fucking alive and not invisible.,2.6947058823529417,5.048468666666672,3.8899607843137254,85.34082352941176,78.01960784313725,5.648627450980393,21.964705882352945,6.742157984588678,0.6145576470588234,206,6,39,2,5,67,37,51,0.095,0.691,0.214,0.7086,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,8,8,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,7,8,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2260387638459113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4858860327204431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413943116776704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525759722429894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626574645980776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435033908706725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737031109419375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695938317049402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085232832350921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565233452017534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19626047335734392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617648818077706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaceMonkyToDaRescue,2019/04/13,Will my family care if I’m just not in the way any more I’m 12 and my best friend (ex best friend now) was bullying me and I got very depressed (this is at age 9) and I was (and still am) scared to tell any one. I’m also the least favourite child in a family of 3 children (I’m the oldest) I don’t know if they would even notice I was gone. I’ve run away before but only for like half an hour and they didn’t even notice I was gone. They have said it to my face that I’m not their favourite and my sister could do no wrong. So should I just get out of their hair for good this time or should I stay and make them suffer with me around.,1.1432867132867128,1.988756895104899,2.6002797202797194,99.57426573426577,77.95104895104896,6.039160839160839,16.496503496503493,6.11248444174946,-0.8146867132867133,488,5,130,3,11,159,90,143,0.123,0.753,0.124,-0.2014,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,6,2,9,11,0,1,5,0,15,2,2,1,0,24,28,13,0,6,8,2,1,1,2,4,0,1,0,2,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,4,0,2,9,2,19,7,13,14,4,17,0,2,0,0,14,6,0,3,7,84,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148647876780284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22362224539660264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463685078618906,0.0,0.0,0.15447784279587634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139909165365044,0.0,0.3450969356902979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763697484529974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127585541152595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161455878156154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719549426760976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31000076575076596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540607058259195,0.0,0.08590257507520822,0.0,0.0,0.1379075526839165,0.13150155820838288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192041284523154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036083870047172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803272238449325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975151336611047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743861327864177,0.0,0.0,0.11141513212837144,0.12504868987047105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640091023501332,0.0,0.16461293325155138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752496621855132,0.1313058887476392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371017864857386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587452518978393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566357931146078,0.0,0.1305088080600259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679912990325855,0.179767273211805,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whysogood,2019/04/13,"Engineering having a rough time Hey guys, I'm a 4th year engineering student at a university in canada. About a year ago I had a falling out with a few people in my friend circle, and have been having a hard time finding any group of people that I can hang out with without creating tension with some of these people. There have been multiple occasions of these former-friends calling me out online and basically telling me I should kill myself over stuff like this. I've been in a really bad headspace for quite a long time now, and this one exam I'm studying for tomorrow morning is really putting me over the edge. One of the few people I've got in my life that I can always talk to about this stuff looks like she's gone to bed for the night, and I really can't find any way to calm down. To make things worse I still have about half of the class's content I need to go over tonight, and have been getting ""how's the studying going?"" texts from my parents all day. Any help is really appreciated.",8.44188721384701,6.350934819095483,8.272529313232834,75.13493579006145,62.618090452261285,11.457509771077607,35.176437744276946,9.994966539143718,3.1514752652149642,795,26,160,13,9,257,114,199,0.084,0.82,0.096,0.3125,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,1,14,0,17,1,0,2,1,20,27,6,1,2,1,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,10,11,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,3,0,3,7,3,15,4,33,19,4,32,0,0,1,0,10,12,0,1,15,105,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587745312169355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877144573036174,0.0,0.0,0.26668698946641883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914768048094628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334821087002536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430508475884725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389556722758792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199148690316984,0.0,0.06829701906024642,0.0,0.14858501874681473,0.0,0.1045505844213281,0.0,0.0,0.12943565315073158,0.0,0.0,0.11710152605464855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762041844232436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446248836686797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233304354238688,0.12772864918638152,0.0,0.0,0.11568514337736956,0.1097738291187183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725816651821679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692894706132646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267404594376033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771616600761794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145151671145289,0.0,0.0,0.36250560066166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141204162830197,0.0,0.13903928277815686,0.0,0.0,0.33497627302635746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439501701396901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992915724684663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506965256556902,0.1142570732218446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684610365335516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286757155491317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376129637326853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601165574844095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321721634029207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683617818457961
suicidewatch,ActiveAnxiety9,2019/04/13,Is jumping out of a moving car a feasible plan? How do I muster up the strength to go through with it? I'm thinking about jumping out of the car on the highway when I'm the passenger going at 60mph. Anyone know if this will be fast enough to kill me?,2.4155555555555566,3.3492270370370387,3.878703703703703,91.2991666666667,74.92592592592592,6.881481481481483,28.314814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.2953481481481486,196,8,45,2,4,65,42,54,0.096,0.845,0.059,-0.466,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,10,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,12,8,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,30,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875060095563966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248579585711668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4673651528002221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549087884136087,0.0,0.2259732977397076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370183452859881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634669851649802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymousandluvvinit,2019/04/13,"I think a Redditor may be overdosing right now what do I do I messaged someone, all I know is they live in NYC. If I give their username to the appropriate person, can they track down where this person lives? We were talking and then he stopped responding and I feel nervous.",3.2432075471698134,5.592990679245286,3.9062641509433966,85.9363773584906,76.16981132075472,7.258867924528303,29.467924528301893,8.238735603445708,2.21354641509434,218,10,42,4,5,69,44,53,0.083,0.917,0.0,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,11,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,3,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,3,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350865577780662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912395959486041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668499393543661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361665366290035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301814558352139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592716832175052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25723824513778826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25382215860423524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440211841247309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945338273873858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,les_miserable_,2019/04/13,"My life has gone to shit I feel like my life has gone to shit. I had a great life, i have a great life that other people would want. And that’s the thing that keeps me living. People would kill to have a life like mine. But the loneliness is soul crushing. I want to restart. But there’s no such thing as a restart.

No one wants to hangout with me. I can’t keep a relationship for shit. And i can’t find new people to date. I’ve never been more aware of my existence than since June 2018 up until now. Happy people are not aware of their existence. A happy person doesn’t think to themselves, ok be happy. They just are. 

People don’t like me. I turn people off. No one wants to hangout with me. However this is not something i can complain about to the people in my life that I’ll spend some shrivel of their time with me. I’m lonely as can be, and I’m afraid it can get worse. I get help. I see a therapist- this is my 5th therapist because i feel like I’m not making progress. 

I’ve had a friend that killed herself. I read in a note that what made her kill herself is that depression is her norm. That’s what the therapist said. You’d think that my group of friends would be more caring of each-other, but it’s actually made us treat each-other worse. No one believes I’m depressed, i can’t be because i have such a great life. I’m screaming and people act like they can’t hear my cries for help. How much longer until i lose my voice.

I don’t know if it will get better. I keep looking forward to when it does. I’m scared that i won’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I’ve been severely depressed at one point in my life, and i know the dangerous it can have on your mind. I’ve also been extremely happy in my life, but i just can’t feel that anymore. I try to act happy so people will want to hangout with me, but people just don’t want to.

My life has gone to shit. i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know how much longer i can keep screaming before i lose my voice.",0.7885091232754782,2.6720520654205657,2.3623230974632854,96.276246105919,82.0841121495327,5.291143747218514,18.8353360035603,6.307378622147532,-0.24320845571873664,1556,37,364,13,42,507,160,428,0.179,0.677,0.14400000000000002,-0.9644,1,2,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,2,4,4,13,38,8,2,20,1,46,14,4,5,1,51,87,20,3,10,12,0,3,5,2,6,10,6,0,1,24,9,0,4,9,4,1,6,20,19,0,4,11,15,55,19,43,65,5,28,1,6,4,0,21,12,4,2,17,227,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.05672747317162685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046487341885209706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765033444694815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708722394298704,0.0,0.049465201777019366,0.06549373364243757,0.0,0.051412147953479884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059268431516807975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385417688304985,0.0,0.0,0.1502044424269797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050870832231513334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297362845535987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881783448723971,0.08305759993834212,0.0,0.0,0.053130683368089626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982373702610155,0.0,0.09111314898149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192268907208172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094076667662736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655178649151945,0.0,0.07792797156895243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20667802475723215,0.1929400251058128,0.0,0.09584183653867216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105964636988269,0.14199935813033351,0.0,0.05133074042454768,0.0,0.048815401630439834,0.13006744545217624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000992067383633,0.038802895720399216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586957414764669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854659512985878,0.0,0.04483421297205281,0.056143284678889925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756428758226648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40300717920764695,0.050757749371100926,0.0,0.0,0.054952587185376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058146733810141064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241094201717036,0.0,0.0,0.055295895466883765,0.0,0.05819927477338396,0.0,0.13896864880104534,0.0,0.0,0.06567148675872513,0.2386825557710263,0.04808656617178849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475208592941611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024837238667353,0.07723931038776974,0.07449599865144217,0.0,0.0,0.03389665517205265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039467135037984435,0.06322983823828024,0.0,0.0,0.0699244388088961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057230292135093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848091611539985,0.12388378944947538,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itshardtomakeone,2019/04/13,"Why do I keep feeling this I just want to stop feeling this way. I’m trying to just make it stop but I keep hating myself and wanting to die on a daily basis. I keep thinking of slitting my wrists. I’m so tired and my body hurts, I’m tired of the person I am and I hate that person so much. I can’t stand the way she talks, what she says, what she does and doesn’t do and how she does it. She is worthless and I’m tired of being stuck in her body. Watching her do what she does and say what she says and seemingly having no control. No point.",0.1122829131652665,1.9186095210084029,1.9615336134453791,98.66202030812326,84.04201680672269,4.302801120448179,17.4796918767507,4.7782277997778095,-0.8487820728291315,419,9,101,1,12,138,62,119,0.348,0.626,0.026,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,3,0,9,6,3,3,0,25,26,12,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,9,8,0,6,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,6,19,0,8,24,1,8,0,2,1,0,15,3,0,1,2,65,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874748984097104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513635479362788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429977927638762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33972404733619005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085998790525372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555171451706433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852847995749226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345057727512862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637744003941565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951260201931836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259792405407031,0.0,0.0,0.12232756644809345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087191378642501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780353938972392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163732360024852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400914867435314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291615274099873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461887900508745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785607432073235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265036531173976,0.2054279963359744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167659891857033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aggie2345,2019/04/13,"I have an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. I don’t want to die, but I hate living and I feel as if suicide is the only way. I mean I feel absolutely nothing. It’s literally just despair. I can’t make myself cry at sad things. Nothing excites me. I have nothing to look forward too? I don’t know if it’s normal, but I google quick and painless
Methods at least  twice a week. My parents won’t take me to a therapist as they think they can “pray it off”. I’m sorry as diagnosed with depression by a therapist in 7thh grade and they didn’t believe. I am only fourteen, I don’t have access to a therapist. I have access to something like Xanax. I just feel like this level is over and I kinda want to see what comes next I don’t exactly want to die though. I guess I’m kind of offering this as a cry for help or whatever but I’m honestly over everything. And also nothing’s wrong with my life, like it’s amazing, and I have an overwhelming guilt for hating myself to the point I am. But yeah, I thought I was bluffing other times, but I’ll prolly carry through with it.",1.4894090909090918,3.6106283954545484,3.5963636363636367,87.08954545454546,80.95454545454545,6.727272727272728,25.45454545454545,7.84624498591911,1.564227272727272,837,34,172,15,22,285,117,220,0.235,0.617,0.14800000000000002,-0.9802,1,0,2,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,3,0,6,16,2,3,9,1,18,3,0,1,1,36,40,20,3,6,10,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,10,0,0,8,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,3,6,30,7,27,36,1,15,1,5,2,0,6,9,0,5,8,116,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907204099076165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781153151526092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772118982998043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492238474485365,0.0,0.0,0.09770837991819008,0.115142363394266,0.23547206481280555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195534772366968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294409694450369,0.08104377672265385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497036960515212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240031595457107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603852185678217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813353653426513,0.062345363594223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012821981810613,0.1662677122905262,0.0,0.1001723398957772,0.0,0.09526363664013683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572415334155938,0.0,0.0,0.1235727980924274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064802891871128,0.0,0.11115015643373942,0.4354068744598541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255718625628705,0.0,0.0,0.1259651427731384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107240402070127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903994669822836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733404438917172,0.0,0.1269902680787073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408834406960245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852950966268348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951485648323382,0.07536655802629877,0.07268976091195145,0.11145727446537147,0.09006115347845939,0.06614958668316798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007350472282433,0.09004585623338794,0.09099721587283932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403222648124425,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DeadInsideSince2011,2019/04/13,"Can someone chat with me before I leave tonight? I just can't anymore, my life is quickly slipping and I'm leaning on the thought of suicide more and more. My life just never wants to get better and I'm seriously fucking fed up with it all. I'm just pissed that I would have to burn in hell forever after all this torment on earth, it's not fair",2.494166666666665,4.1096889722222265,3.676111111111112,90.08,75.94444444444444,5.911111111111111,28.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.1964,274,12,58,2,6,89,53,72,0.233,0.73,0.037000000000000005,-0.9356,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,3,15,13,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,10,10,4,8,1,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30281009585724755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598174431317675,0.0,0.0,0.27004383581411073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822771212986941,0.1595248413943555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32330548786564123,0.0,0.0,0.4313340268501096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23549303673589106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587092024197413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339867355982937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424017411145064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009438798518487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690109588104084,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nzrosie,2019/04/13,"Orphaned and alone Lost my Dad to cancer in 2014. Then my Mum became a mean, physically and psychologically abusive drunk. She died in January from alcoholic liver disease. Her family was in change of distributing her estate to myself and my siblings, but they are holding onto the money for as long as possible and giving us no control. They are kicking me out of my Mum's house and me and my cat have literally nowhere to go. My siblings can't take me and the extended family are so uncaring they don't care if I end up on the streets. If they would release some of my inheritance, I could buy a house and not have this problem.

​

Everyday I am having thoughts of suicide. Everytime I think things might be looking up my Mum's family does something which makes me feel hopeless and worthless. The only thing keeping me going is my cat, not wanting him to be alone. I'm part of a two church communities yet no-one can help me out. Everyone, even God, is against me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'll probably end up continuing to suffer it out for the sake of my cat, but those dark thoughts are there more and more.",5.665164835164834,6.296588900452491,6.477740788623141,76.73648190045247,67.23529411764707,9.753199741435036,33.8852617970265,9.784248007369934,3.245276405946994,901,40,171,19,14,298,136,221,0.183,0.778,0.039,-0.9872,0,2,2,0,0,2,26.0,1,0,4,2,5,6,0,0,8,0,21,4,1,2,0,36,38,18,2,6,7,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,13,2,3,6,1,3,2,6,5,0,1,4,2,32,1,29,29,4,21,1,4,1,0,15,12,0,4,7,125,39,0,0.0,0.15231926245160196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738855211591205,0.0,0.2662929807410128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929167457483427,0.1562110716255274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127494199958711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107263525065466,0.0,0.13599647355972733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418783339936514,0.10264246494218493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342207903326422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250127373604404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22772704621242065,0.0,0.0,0.08491081941944942,0.0,0.0,0.12284191563695455,0.0,0.0,0.3635768660300396,0.0,0.06500238400487261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332378234538666,0.146124040911432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616918258064606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966755012016625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426754791734298,0.0,0.0,0.07065167611656079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376907824418205,0.10795567165812944,0.0,0.14033537217011424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581293054780324,0.0,0.0,0.14003648073121944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363788755159984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977735450731563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392149218766304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492892909562105,0.0,0.0,0.13860640711705205,0.12301188021262778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896961477829616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062071322747424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665901670622776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708153851616131,0.08237426408107873,0.0,0.20412011669889565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255817061884389,0.0,0.1546384850846947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582636849746661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132334776102577,0.0,0.1562110716255274,0.0
suicidewatch,Chemicallyafflicted,2019/04/13,"Trying to talk myself out of popping smoke I've finally fallen apart, and can't keep it together. My ex cheated on me got pregnant fucked off and I don't know whether the child is mine or not. He was born in January I have had no contact with her since last year, between that and trying to deal with my PTSD and other mental health issues I just can't keep my head above the water, I just want it all to stop.",3.426550387596901,4.2185935930232565,4.406976744186046,88.99596899224808,72.37209302325581,7.128682170542637,24.79844961240311,7.1686216300943375,0.892231007751938,323,9,70,3,6,105,66,86,0.166,0.8190000000000001,0.015,-0.9231,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,1,18,13,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,7,1,3,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,11,10,1,11,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241831856163238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569604858158613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168566210849437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760743448015105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407369773432365,0.2493374421963652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448306289258306,0.0,0.4169940258653788,0.0,0.0,0.12891379658944274,0.19120624197752584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639186370984086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742003284836798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940391180104343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611141754570507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853885962139152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185159050787917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835574160295488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510556929519813
suicidewatch,blackcatkittycat,2019/04/13,"I don't know where else to go I'm pretty sure I'm getting this in the right subreddit but if I messed up I'm sorry.

I'm just about to break and I wanted to say something to someone so that I will have at least tried everything I could think of to get help. 

I don't know what to tell you about myself or my life.  It feels like none of that is real now.  It almost feels like I woke up in someone else's life and it's all wrong.   I know that must be a delusion though.

There are a lot of reasons why I want to kill myself, it's not just one thing.   My dad abandoned me when I was 8, but that was only after I suffered years of emotional and physical abuse.  Then when I was still just a kid we moved here to this town that it feels like I am eternally fucking stuck in.

My step-dad only ever taught me to hate myself, and my step brothers beat me up and abused me too.  People at school were the same way and they never once tried to understand my learning disability. I lose every friend I have because of my mental instability and despite how much I'm screaming and crying for help, everyone is telling me to just keep waiting because maybe help will come.

I used to be a writer as a hobby.  Now there aren't any words to write.  There's nothing to do but suffer.  I tell myself that this is the way life is supposed to be.  Everybody has their station.  Some people are supposed to be happy and some people are supposed to suffer.  I'm just unlucky enough to have been tasked with suffering and I don't know how much more of it I can take.

In my 27 years on this earth I've only ever seen hatred directed at me. Never love.  What the fuck is love.  I've been alone my entire life just like it's supposed to be.  I've never even had sex or kissed.  That's how much of a God damn loser I am. 

Being in the south and being trans at the same time is generally unsafe because people do assault and murder lgbtq people for some fucked up reason.  I almost welcome it at this point though.  Destroy this body so I can go free.  Destroy it with all the hate you have.

I don't know how to live without abusing at least one substance.  I've been drinking and smoking since the day I turned 18 because even if I can't kill myself quickly, I'll do what I can to make sure this life is as short as possible.  That's always been my plan, ever since I was in school.  Is that a messed up way of living?

I don't know how else to be or who else to be or where else to be.  I don't know anything anymore.

All I know is there's a shotgun in the other room and I alone may not be strong enough to stop myself from doing it for very much longer. 

Is there anyone who will talk to me?",2.0452819475771946,3.485202144901613,3.440224391382128,92.0422250525006,76.74597495527728,5.8626584739830445,21.63339037100412,6.280692351149826,0.18614580384226492,2065,53,459,14,46,677,231,559,0.229,0.679,0.092,-0.9986,0,2,2,1,2,2,44.0,1,2,2,5,37,37,12,0,17,0,62,14,1,9,12,91,105,38,3,6,18,2,3,4,1,5,5,2,1,1,33,18,1,4,16,1,1,5,15,23,0,2,14,6,58,15,66,74,19,56,0,7,1,7,23,27,4,13,24,321,91,4,0.0,0.2285954801598728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287971557983561,0.13321443135496958,0.0,0.0,0.053512237145553324,0.0,0.0,0.04373395771330689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377962836757826,0.04496802658672485,0.0,0.052922802975164884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681453146034433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143546805571155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539857706264263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051347420281587855,0.0,0.07064305368542609,0.041475533012356916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630006889437806,0.0,0.0,0.2686196145497778,0.07234166955314568,0.0,0.13290173660082932,0.0,0.08495414707042152,0.17452003111350625,0.0541851287005209,0.06145229924046479,0.05779894000109077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755332939490614,0.13783223223219862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049686828542025135,0.17836456055535066,0.06720010487579878,0.0,0.07309930199113474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846068176271296,0.0,0.12698838724701367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931972850948745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716292774889192,0.14230207238784875,0.0,0.2827509108787734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22712522065116414,0.1256772072789494,0.0,0.11357628986950608,0.0,0.0,0.07194800700847631,0.0,0.05467525295943016,0.11608709978186099,0.0,0.04292835926061078,0.0,0.06460944590317526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481076556254542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683528410415781,0.189105116707403,0.0,0.14880275035395354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170852332624895,0.0,0.0,0.06848954270030266,0.08715813882438951,0.14673515432779108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292713794213226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060795060811754974,0.07250144116691835,0.0,0.06542781473628377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320045339569695,0.0,0.13224566165048798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492158468748646,0.0,0.05114300699663807,0.0,0.13017314157888654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063981102393062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898168199373627,0.04951005812253679,0.0,0.07199134767601431,0.0,0.0,0.05135916756235805,0.05376721054280532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122546786897195,0.0,0.048354169569245035,0.051691067698295685,0.16863299618985025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04272563688622942,0.04120814869888509,0.12637124904853872,0.0,0.03750049484564462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732643893929493,0.06995233632669909,0.0,0.06695043604725419,0.0,0.05554440143160271,0.0,0.053063640697468994,0.07586506060350448,0.1531421889478435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803103600774848,0.0,0.0,0.0619938951830274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031442074054953,0.0,0.08282886685825604
suicidewatch,erectilediskfunction,2019/04/13,"I fucking hate my friends They don’t do anything wrong. I just hate the essence of who they are so fucking much. I hate their optimism and their hobbies. I hate how self assured they are. I know this is my problem, I don’t click in with normal people. I don’t think there’s a benefit for me or anyone else. I just wanna fucking disappear.",0.5607246376811581,3.0072372463768176,2.1072463768115948,93.6098550724638,89.57971014492755,4.8057971014492775,25.057971014492754,6.42735559955562,0.8973014492753624,266,12,55,3,9,86,46,69,0.295,0.5529999999999999,0.152,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,0,5,12,7,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,1,12,16,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,1,16,3,5,16,1,2,0,0,1,3,8,1,3,1,0,40,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229193299868026,0.17920247494865366,0.14392519233770085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610386266917255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351248602217304,0.4850679147928928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6906976589186955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611872610702547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856929699532582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136176336290573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125144324147387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735264995781618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245554161118088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206682930514482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122223238906372,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chersbxtch,2019/04/13,Someone help My best friend and soul mate of four years just dumped me and I just need help please someone talk to me i have a car so I can do the carbon monoxide thing I just don’t know how I don’t have a garage or can I do the helium thing in my car instead but I need to do it now but there’s no shops open that sell it,-0.9797000000000012,0.7211208133333358,0.9675833333333336,104.823375,87.53333333333332,4.283333333333334,14.708333333333332,5.148860815047168,-1.3661666666666663,251,4,69,1,8,82,47,75,0.066,0.792,0.142,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,12,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,11,2,4,12,1,6,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921950264141268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151142678247876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732514166551508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530178041023346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129045198448436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056324445035281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718255404159652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379142535924867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699529378638171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929974172028676
suicidewatch,SWThrowout,2019/04/13,"I'm only 20 Yesterday was my 20th and I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. But man I'm full of nothing but hopelessness. I've been depressed from a young age and it only pisses me off how everyone thinks theyre depressed. No, you're sad you stupid motherfucker. get a fucking ice cream cone and cheer up you silly dickhead.

​

Depression has gotten to me more lately. I guess I knew that there wasn't ever any solution, its not like you can beat it like a cancer. I mean fuck me for comparing what I'm going through to cancer but fuck me in general I guess. I tried some Lexapro a few months ago and that shit turned me into a zombie so I guess there really isn't a solution to this mindstate. The world is depressing, and I'm about to drop out because why get a finance degree when that just leads to a shitty corporation existence. Dad's gonna be pissed.

​

I have no desire to keep going. I'll be happy for a bit but I always know that I'll sink back down. How do you explain the desire to die without others taking it personally? I used to be the fucking wonder child, great grades, good at speaking, boy scout, lacrosse player you fucking name it. but I guess I never really expected to get this far. How do you keep going forward when I never even planned to fucking get here. I can't communicate with my therapists though I've tried, medication takes you to your knees but I would rather die on my feet. I don't wonder if I'll have another attempt but when.",2.9552173913043482,4.8901473478260895,4.325769230769232,84.53173076923079,75.52173913043478,7.409364548494984,25.2123745819398,8.263242389622931,1.6371311036789296,1183,41,233,21,26,391,172,299,0.297,0.609,0.094,-0.9977,0,0,0,0,0,1,35.0,0,8,0,4,17,24,10,0,12,0,18,14,5,6,3,50,56,21,2,6,12,1,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,4,15,8,0,2,8,0,1,5,11,16,0,0,6,2,32,8,27,45,5,31,0,6,1,6,16,13,9,8,16,142,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613859038520791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714695079065425,0.18612915074375047,0.20873777407859254,0.05840990030138018,0.09006586004276751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660460927746474,0.0,0.05235932000741038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377245221052788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959166158084063,0.0,0.17828587628605996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567312395221697,0.07769475674377424,0.0,0.08207404176535292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764378411683315,0.1795013134538883,0.0,0.14644419912985088,0.07204262159865849,0.0,0.0946968735193733,0.3784814453053656,0.0,0.0,0.09143424938895647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269054461685988,0.0,0.0,0.04720431610265758,0.0,0.09689057231887978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392555271856575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733396462655766,0.0,0.0,0.09356220072450253,0.0,0.08652773876157946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855863850252683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249130678914092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241624777843716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065035627736146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499808849153691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004997328484886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816749984433639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916106254139756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972790643668343,0.0,0.11007299512588876,0.08438902449983528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663084840288272,0.09342646319539227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418361199294339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750469440288146,0.0,0.0,0.08279738277226775,0.18629367981197928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061015624995964114,0.0,0.20873777407859254,0.0
suicidewatch,Nitelock,2019/04/13,"Feeling Really Low I had a failed attempt around my birthday last year and have been seeing a therapist since (couldn’t lie about it after that).

Things were better for a while, but I can feel my head slipping back down the dark hole. 
I can’t eat or sleep, I’ve stopped washing because I don’t go out. All I can think about is how little my life matters and why it’s not worth carrying on.

I don’t know where else to go or what to do right now, but I’m scared that if I don’t try to reach out things will only get worse.",5.019136904761908,3.9811216875000044,5.386428571428571,89.69190476190478,68.73214285714286,8.538095238095236,27.595238095238088,7.1686216300943375,1.0903523809523803,407,10,97,3,6,130,81,112,0.166,0.7929999999999999,0.041,-0.922,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,7,4,0,1,4,0,14,5,2,1,1,20,23,9,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,4,0,1,2,6,3,0,0,3,3,10,1,12,18,1,18,0,2,1,0,0,9,0,3,7,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815080309411447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251898617690788,0.0,0.12884007587778235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869263648687341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162689795263617,0.17656002258747824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373492612489475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104242895165914,0.0,0.24023588955548816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691125575932116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615520727856035,0.17228257376195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928632131189504,0.0,0.21183328362433693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607450384559252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539945616521684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180496056649016,0.0,0.0,0.2116032747985766,0.0,0.16842260947486762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483508025468242,0.0,0.21150768665206726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767022844518347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539950157137574,0.2808298056097148,0.13542778097678818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349620426497914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071505715388032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538885105334385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610572172754434
suicidewatch,quicksia,2019/04/13,"I lost the game of life. It's over If someone were to ask ""Where do you see yourself in 5 years"" I wouldn't be able to answer it. I don't see anything. I messed up so badly I don't want to go on anymore and there's no point. I have no useful hobbies or skills and time is moving faster than I can handle. 

​

I wasted money and time in community college studying to become a front end web developer, only for the career to become obsolete, thanks to free website builders and the fact that OH is a dead end state. I wanted to get into 2d animation, but that's also a dead career. Art careers in general are a waste unless you're a rich Californian with friends in the industry. My art is trash anyways. It's not like I can start over. I'm too old and it's embarrassing to be in school for 5+ years. 

​

I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate. Before I went to a community college, I went to a 4 yr school, parents and I took out loans for it and I failed miserably. We can't pay none of it back. My dad keeps trying to win the lotto and my mom keeps worrying about it. I screwed over my family and it's all because I was stupid. I'm never going to make anymore than $11/hr. I'll never be able to move out, drive a car, travel, be someone to be proud of, be happy ever again.

​

I just wanna die before everything gets worse, but I don't know how. If I fail, I'll go to ""prison"" or end up mentally retarded. I don't even know where to go to die in peace or even how to go about doing it. I just want it to be quick.",1.2702081391736542,2.793521012012014,3.735723309516416,88.73135135135138,79.12012012012012,6.515025370197785,22.293569431500458,7.372421405659032,0.7254577819198516,1199,36,270,16,29,419,171,333,0.21600000000000005,0.6809999999999999,0.104,-0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,1,1,0,6,20,17,2,2,13,0,26,2,0,4,5,46,56,22,4,7,11,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,13,14,0,2,4,4,5,15,13,9,0,0,6,2,29,9,48,42,2,51,0,4,2,1,8,18,1,5,18,170,42,11,0.17336924814188298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932166255123984,0.0,0.2817682618932351,0.3159939190533411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719357084500866,0.0,0.0,0.07133405960174012,0.0,0.08103842194223156,0.0,0.0,0.06665512518803772,0.07237804028006978,0.05284214225605415,0.1914727136426521,0.14752446092025284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799299080969711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303305427018933,0.0,0.0,0.11450875331339275,0.07841120526055312,0.0,0.0,0.07790655065813556,0.0,0.08171854884010613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697232552670215,0.0,0.09057827660229824,0.0,0.2955892170447701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922773942175521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409855358428193,0.0,0.0,0.14291880717186653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122791355020079,0.042349728711571964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462650709792768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786265968449077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735771262233713,0.0,0.0,0.1015239840380561,0.0,0.18426407380940535,0.0,0.0,0.1337130520421471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909609310391532,0.0,0.0,0.0659275627647131,0.0,0.0,0.09625301659715203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194498869366873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754589348620025,0.13815284457685614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689520134614242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061355823080723924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980755539798254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010930027900937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630980688377663,0.058853169616003086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486768310673708,0.0,0.0,0.15338651159462194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071502993969727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803244351582633,0.08833903760290737,0.0,0.0,0.3159939190533411,0.11164411166929553
suicidewatch,SendingMy,2019/04/13,"it's hopeless have you ever had someone to think of before you fall asleep each night? were they also your first thought each morning? 

i had that. now for the past month and a half, the thing that has helped me fall asleep each night is the thought of death. the thought of the barrel pressed against my forehead. knowing that if i were to pull the trigger that would likely be it. it's true that i could end up with permanent brain damage and some sick fuck wouldn't let me be put out of my misery. i'd be conscious, aware, in pain, and probably full of regret.

maybe i don't even want to pull the trigger. maybe i just want the barrel pressed against my forehead. maybe i want to have a moment with myself, with the barrel. 

it's helpless. i can't see tomorrow anymore. i don't want to think about the future anymore. it's not bright like a summer day anymore. it's not even dark. it's nothing. i don't know if i'm going to have a long life. i don't know what's going to happen to me.

ever since i was a kid, i didn't give a shit about marriage or having a family of my own. all of the other kids around me were so excited for that and still are. why am i unable to want any of that? society forces us to believe that we have to get married and have kids and be a perfect little family. we don't have to do that though. 

i don't even know about my gender. i don't know what i am. i don't know who i am. it's fucking weird how the thing that'd comfort me the most right now is a gun. it could kill me and i think that's what i want. 

i feel defective. i feel doomed. i feel helpless. i feel hopeless. people are so fucking normal. they're able to drive, get dressed each day, go out whenever, hang out with friends, eat whatever they want, go to college, work. how do people do this shit? anytime i would, i'd feel out of place and i've had my share of friendship groups. 

i feel like i'm not meant to be here. i'm not meant for this. whatever this is. i don't know if it means life or what. death comforts me. i don't want to feel like me anymore. i don't want to be me. i want to forget. it's making me think about doing drugs or drinking and out of the friends i have, i'm always the one to talk my friends out of this. i'm huge on authority and shit like that, so it's kind of unusual for me to even consider these things, and that's how i know i'm lost. 

god, help me.",0.5217481412997458,2.409049836935168,2.142431526638159,97.47857583111832,83.04715127701375,5.092353326399324,20.19650217650911,6.1222181852022235,-0.15005053353364906,1833,52,436,14,51,597,193,509,0.16399999999999998,0.7440000000000001,0.092,-0.9822,0,0,2,1,0,3,65.0,3,3,2,4,24,34,7,0,24,0,54,18,8,6,5,96,109,25,3,20,11,0,9,5,3,3,5,0,0,3,39,28,2,0,26,1,0,11,18,18,0,3,14,11,60,16,57,82,9,44,1,8,2,3,22,15,6,8,23,285,99,2,0.06880707666147272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502499434686765,0.05725299980233287,0.0,0.0,0.04679117162499828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27295252414056514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612528861760967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585497543582531,0.07752201303161532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681145342070371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987370366280187,0.0,0.0,0.08874974435844313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740474000057448,0.07979436412624433,0.07040681713020655,0.0,0.0,0.060942646899707416,0.0,0.0,0.18178570079963,0.12447988023956726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973037640686666,0.0,0.24353647766959485,0.09831157863052024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585272642581373,0.0,0.0,0.1594805302359611,0.19083310089320854,0.07189771529652003,0.06600601770244496,0.15641858930567545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084587065288004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922398661905151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761248357093782,0.07165198202469415,0.3025165589810713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035989770842767,0.09720094622600893,0.1680783103855281,0.06896276708242338,0.0,0.06089209761297306,0.0,0.0,0.07511105225265803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592925796723967,0.0,0.20737787041841385,0.07495107797006957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054921152133384936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914156065517848,0.06741632600258446,0.06602224579380278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662545588695435,0.0,0.07321558082741934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568414035638491,0.09540432667630387,0.0,0.07188875027149676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741856662830669,0.0,0.0,0.0691701166868761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876086751341812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548303316169473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188842622622345,0.056917924847081275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05830001276786247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494942030357645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530452185475149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713709297267385,0.17635518566674765,0.06760260346728711,0.16387539913249075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276644123185588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058419654482099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208768443082891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009237129788004,0.0,0.0,0.09775714617767396,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,got-the-morbs,2019/04/13,"I don't belong here anymore I did okay for awhile! I was a good worker and a pretty okay person who volunteered and kind of felt like I could make actual friends.

Then I let a few people rip me apart 5 years ago and never sewed myself together. The people who still love me will be wrecked by my death, but I'll hurt them worse if I stay alive. I can't imagine feeling like this for much longer, though.  

I'm on the verge of being fired at work and any kind of therapy really isn't an option for various reasons.

I'm 30 and already a ghost in my own life--no chances, no time. I just want this to stop and I don't care how I have to do it.",1.248695652173911,2.7597665507246423,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695655,79.14492753623188,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.2445391304347826,496,12,117,6,12,165,97,138,0.205,0.65,0.145,-0.9402,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,5,11,0,0,7,2,13,1,0,3,1,20,21,11,2,3,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,3,16,10,12,13,4,13,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,2,9,73,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.1723741333801221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156579770168855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949254722097692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012054227041055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517837273134967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009518048864473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103182723237312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931395982969875,0.12619090018948234,0.1696010913630394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647081353327806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815636952573888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909564783317487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678845661115153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806252926206196,0.1247653132458364,0.17259373583727616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942354757609253,0.0,0.11790786982890825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984995157487728,0.0,0.13623484662283253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449184121129909,0.1542343166546165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970531359660244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315943358584947,0.18161425835847012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827361667078515,0.1410640925431316,0.14767807041629746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020020319859468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354687017590492,0.0,0.10299959143411716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418622845443654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859525835633145,0.0,0.1800101793330881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137496915769647
suicidewatch,_My_Neck_Hurts_,2019/04/13,"I just feel like everyday gets harder I know suicide isn't the answer and I know how destroyed my friends and family would be , but every day I just feel worse. I'm getting over an ex and everything I used to do when we were dating or when I was getting over her just makes me fucking die inside. Any suggestions?",3.4109523809523807,4.997079301587301,4.495428571428572,85.27457142857145,73.44444444444444,7.5796825396825405,26.885714285714286,8.238735603445708,1.769815238095239,248,9,49,4,5,81,48,63,0.219,0.725,0.056,-0.9184,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,1,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,2,0,6,1,0,3,0,18,17,8,2,1,5,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,10,2,3,13,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,1,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453419114451615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552123304396982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663673542457963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162428946358404,0.0,0.2306649516659537,0.0,0.24195147852366825,0.0,0.2595449444725022,0.1833543728498055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982910050576095,0.23727339831631625,0.4022749104783916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282101735733068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538866172097546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713191957112122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807388972346968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216675024021752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615533567685121,0.18232033783485305,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kissofdeath666,2019/04/13,I'm ready I'm ready to go. I don't want to exist anymore. I want to follow through tonight.,-2.005714285714284,-0.14806204761904596,0.6257142857142881,103.04428571428572,98.04761904761904,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.6545999999999994,71,3,18,0,3,24,13,21,0.126,0.617,0.257,0.5508,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6037608653026585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459921212524907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7181659067097149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StrangelyThrownAway,2019/04/13,"my boyfriend just broke up with me and i have no where to go we literally moved in together two weeks ago. he said he doesn’t love me the same way anymore. the landlord won’t rent to me if he leaves, and this is the cheapest place we’ve found in the 1.5 years of searching for an apartment. i don’t know what the fuck to do. we didn’t sign a lease and it’s at will tenancy. I moved here to be with him, i have no friends or family nearby. Im in so much fucking pain.",0.27359223300970825,1.9917519417475733,2.0600097087378657,98.63875242718449,82.98058252427184,5.6733980582524275,20.97961165048544,6.742157984588678,0.06298524271844652,362,11,92,4,10,119,74,103,0.138,0.794,0.069,-0.7397,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,7,0,10,4,0,0,0,14,17,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,3,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,6,4,0,1,3,1,11,2,13,11,2,15,0,1,0,3,9,8,2,2,3,58,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187155326557106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938570492805272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990359781435444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314947806978108,0.16311966510610534,0.3903753199566505,0.0,0.0,0.11999089104870815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280582390791932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603234510123132,0.0,0.0,0.2235577624722549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905544124590288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487987205833699,0.15520593793319062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465879077742068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058746955191907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083439520400367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624478670284235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758634905734038,0.16935694567649992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596175706414115
suicidewatch,U332891787,2019/04/13,"It's over. (14M) Today is just shit.

​

I got a text from one of my most supportive friends ever. Shes so nice and has never been rude to me in the 4 years we have known each other. Ever since she saw my cuts, and I was honest and told her about my depression shes been so helpful. She wanted to help, she was helping. But then she started acting different. Today she texted saying ""im boredd!!"" and the conversation was fine until I mentioned my cousins. She has a crush on my cousin that moved to Canada about 3 weeks ago. He is everything I couldn't and would never be. I'm jealous of him. I want to keep seeing him, but everytime he comes over he treats me like  ghost, and sometimes even insults me. Anyway, I told her my cousins were coming over, and she knows that I like my cousins but they are rude to me. She replied with ""Oh no, what a tragedy!"". My retarted emotional ass got sad for some reason. Probably because she usually would never, ever say anything like this to me. She kept saying stupid things like ""Oh what about this name do you like it?"" i said Yea. She asked me what my problem was and I snapped. I said ""I am the problem now stop texting me and let me kill myself in peace!"" she said ""Fine go ahead, cya."". I dont know why she hates me now. She would never do anything like that. It hit me hard, I cut my wrist deep, and sliced my abdomen about 7 times. It hurt like hell. But I thought ""This is what you get for not doing it sooner."".

​

When my cousins came over, they were like angels to my parents. My parents adore them, and I guess its a normal thing for parents to act like they like someone else better than you. My parents were talking about how all my siblings are helpful and my cousins are the best Mentioned everyone, but me. This hurt so badly. I was done.

​

Now I am reading all this. I can tell I am the problem. I need to stop being a jealous bitch all the time but its hard.

​

I'm sure im gonna die tonight. I took 5 shots of vodka and 9 tylenol pills. I hope it works.",1.2364505833149906,3.484437782082328,2.242110389610392,95.70590386308606,82.80145278450364,4.819920757208894,22.219293418445957,5.985473137389443,0.16636125907990307,1576,53,342,11,44,496,208,413,0.19,0.631,0.179,-0.9394,5,0,1,0,1,1,86.0,1,3,4,4,19,43,13,0,11,1,37,6,4,2,11,64,70,26,3,12,8,10,2,10,1,4,2,6,0,0,23,19,0,4,5,2,0,8,8,21,0,1,23,10,79,22,32,38,7,42,2,4,2,1,62,8,4,4,36,228,102,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727540392745315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800320373042592,0.3140467997839779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063417606293134,0.0,0.060404304171606873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053949041154067665,0.0393874011538547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780721270541687,0.0571448260112851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389990142831873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111316519345445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565096363592585,0.0,0.06705795003021148,0.06750668897508455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612139125746827,0.07572579342464546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397575552488376,0.07268077345369993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042676186182304655,0.17533809936712816,0.0,0.06174035886777486,0.05806987438957445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991973714738145,0.0,0.033757553763358115,0.0,0.03672097865904336,0.0,0.10335361698524946,0.0,0.07117835236125734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576086675390596,0.06379182469634873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732345585230014,0.0,0.0,0.06417515129436377,0.0,0.0,0.1383388109318199,0.0,0.13958595785152686,0.0,0.0,0.0574308808095067,0.07148455896234915,0.0,0.07101907871475788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607102937502071,0.0,0.31566580806600325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867324718031304,0.0,0.04790961870183585,0.19933369070353693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330688646153619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043783347700371976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869797487475109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966359383445914,0.1854773492406193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463034747569059,0.0,0.0,0.06643278371943391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438488478165607,0.1541482244558734,0.0,0.0,0.05148808581157911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632417465715391,0.053448427399948914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054746268564971785,0.0,0.0639037729786393,0.0,0.04573331650891831,0.0,0.0,0.10803849213980687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332191046086221,0.06089685807244687,0.0,0.0,0.05193337123909837,0.05647448959270065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858518293640364,0.0,0.0,0.05129539535335406,0.0753525592404418,0.0,0.12249087698664107,0.12348071773554972,0.07178726745028921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116193940631839,0.0,0.07622068051282288,0.0,0.051828540763340515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583030583537212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703893330263111,0.0,0.0,0.13769737067034518,0.0,0.3140467997839779,0.041608564916579285
suicidewatch,wdpz,2019/04/13,"I'm giving up on life So guys, here's the thing: in the last 10 years or so, I've spent sh\*tload of time just reading about everything in life. Absolutely everything what seemed interesting to me. And, here's what I have to tell you guys, unfortunately: I'm pretty sure that life is sort of absolutely random. Like, people are born in some totally random circumstances, do with their lives the best they can, and then die at some random point. And - I don't think we really can do something about all that. Like, people just go through their lives like it is some kind of a movie, and then, at some unlucky day, bam - there is death awaiting. Maybe it will be a terrorist attack, maybe some sh\*t like earthquake, maybe cancer, or anything else. That's life, guys. Yes, people have created some great things (like those awesome spoof comedies like Scary Movie franchise) to make our existence more pleasurable, but that doesn't change the fact that life is still random and absolutely nothing close to a word ""fair"". So, well, that's it. I'm sorry.",6.085455987311661,7.251372731958764,5.497010309278351,82.23137589214909,66.5257731958763,8.8558287073751,27.80967486122125,9.057496981413335,2.0415817605075346,826,25,157,14,13,251,115,194,0.086,0.746,0.168,0.8982,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,3,1,12,14,1,0,7,1,15,6,0,1,4,32,24,13,2,0,5,0,0,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,14,8,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,9,13,18,21,10,18,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,14,14,93,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589046318007116,0.0,0.0,0.13256444749333104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228620242497125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232684065270551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514923336659958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093495255767915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734200688696656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945100472560407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178176712007724,0.06622406157662485,0.0,0.0,0.12846964824124307,0.0,0.34613535348691243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134325698124405,0.0,0.0949837411429382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115266271579815,0.3415705028741079,0.0,0.20578809945066087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777815992662403,0.0,0.3511962336747673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180924953444042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24235208996065544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015415307907003,0.0,0.0,0.118548208092196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655691834059352,0.0,0.07464914538055119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608033404063648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970693422398998,0.0,0.13044062834030273,0.0,0.0,0.09305732291633323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098237962625631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184832248130772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482857597722724,0.07466476156570251,0.0,0.0,0.0679468890171634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477031517612767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503852745144468
suicidewatch,Tenar_of_Atuan,2019/04/13,Dosage question Are 24 gr of benzodiazepines enough to die?,6.649000000000001,10.051737900000004,4.830000000000002,78.24500000000002,70.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.7100000000000004,49,2,8,1,1,14,10,10,0.302,0.698,0.0,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.562876206394928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603950505477243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075588560757452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uplate6674,2019/04/13,"My mom died December 20th, and I’ve been suicidal ever since Every single day is a struggle....I want to die, but I stay for a silly reason. She used to sleep with a Grover doll, and now I think I shouldn’t die because it would leave Grover without a mommy. Other than that, the only person who would notice my absence is my therapist if I didn’t show up for a session. I don’t have any close family members or friends.",5.078953488372093,4.836113174418606,6.211023255813953,81.16769767441862,68.41860465116278,8.74046511627907,28.827906976744185,8.238735603445708,1.8994446511627907,327,10,66,4,5,110,65,86,0.16899999999999998,0.754,0.077,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,9,1,1,2,1,16,12,5,4,5,4,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,9,2,8,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423278922890885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136373000273556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781739911713968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.568797881271526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525000537473228,0.15392088951384575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722201640718359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114280116560707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343816576085204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139597121636523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798929660236712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389409850927598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595144260145228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783170183182116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111980134937647,0.0,0.18281799936354892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471903885158914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998289046965926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211260277217225,0.0,0.11705785434242667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778210518090416,0.0,0.0,0.1077529747659432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610284814010166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595498790678347,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Konemonu,2019/04/13,"A 'few' words on the bravery and willpower of suicidal people I am laying here in bed with nothing but a hollow feeling and some sadness. Because of that I couldn't fall asleep, so I started thinking about many things including suicide. Not necceseraly thinking of doing it myself, mostly because I just felt to empty to even think about trying anything, but more and things that are said to people who are thinking of doing it and suicide in general.

After thinking about it for a while, I had looked back to the times my life was on the litteral and figurative knifes edge. When I was very young (around 8/9) I used to think that people who commited suicide were cowards for chosing the 'easy' way out (luckely that changed very quickly, but that isn't the point of the rant of mine). Now that I am one of those people that been depressed for so long that I honestly have forgoten what it feels like to go through an entire day feeling happy (or atleast pretty good), I can say with certainty that those people are not cowards but one of the bravest and most powerfull of will that they held out for so long.

I have heard people say to me many times that it must be hard to feel that bad all the time, I even had a couple of people come up to me and say ""I know how you feel"" even though they have never ever been in such a low place. I know the mean it well and they might even think they know how it feels but they don't, they can't. What I am about to say next I say with all the love I can muster from this heart of mine but: 

Unless you have been there sitting at the kitchen table with a knife in your hands holding it to your neck thinking only of ending the pain, the lonelyness and the sadness. Then and only then can you know how it feels to have this empty feeling inside them that cannot be filled, only then is it possible to know how much bravery it takes to put down the knife and go on living, only then can you know how much willpower it takes to put the knife back and go on living.

There is nothing (that I can think of) that is harder to do than go on living when to only thing you want to do is end it. There is nothing more courages than to go on living when the only thing you want to do is end it. There is nothing that costs more willpower than to go on livig when the only thing you want to do is end it.

What I am trying to say is; if you are feeling suicidal I can honestly tell you I know how it feels to be at your wits end. I can tell you and actually know it for certain:

You are amongst the bravest people in the world because, against all fibers in your being you have not killed yourself.

You are amongst the strongest willed people in the world because, against all fibers in your being you have not killed yourself.

You are not a coward because you thought of suicide.

You are not weak willed because you thought of suicide.

And lastly even thought it might not feel like it would or is helping, go talk with someone about it it does not have to be a psychiatrist. You can start with someone very close to you; your sibling(s), parent(s) or even your best friend(s). Just as long as you are talking with somebody about it, keeping it inside will only make it worse.

These were my 'few' words on suicide, if there were any mistakes please keep in mind English isn't my first language and I'm very dyslexic. Thanks for reading and if noone reads it atleast it made me feel a bit better.

Have a nice day and remember no matter what you think, there are people in your life that love you.",7.4872658419591005,6.027093490701003,6.777011276613648,83.09225763696037,64.0214592274678,9.310796936800473,33.86354455945468,7.39963492309942,2.1428215602120684,2766,93,571,19,34,850,245,699,0.119,0.7490000000000001,0.132,0.8417,5,2,0,0,0,6,63.0,0,31,7,3,43,26,2,0,33,0,77,11,4,9,9,128,140,51,10,10,23,0,15,2,0,8,4,8,2,0,59,29,1,4,37,2,1,12,16,10,1,3,18,24,69,16,96,107,16,81,0,4,1,2,55,31,0,12,38,432,128,2,0.0,0.0,0.04317607568565378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03008765597696748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03640930692099465,0.03938682667817922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804230473851755,0.036942160555697434,0.1618255671838929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04643168599501549,0.039130507091081464,0.0483033401472921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680462579972449,0.03811256550804122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048955500450749166,0.0,0.05706785454532301,0.0,0.03810756947183748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03871850410073583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593668319950602,0.0,0.0,0.17533774333625946,0.04002152203751693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26845510150101504,0.06321630456475644,0.042481487294337365,0.0,0.0,0.03763419745897343,0.0,0.0,0.03418305321368505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601547353871858,0.037110037907187886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04709890319847314,0.03963422179716585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242973427489022,0.029656036223498113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865277210992483,0.09789957329913404,0.0,0.19452417705855635,0.036065027418662826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250214579199435,0.043231081457836135,0.0,0.1562741867148362,0.1174644973230112,0.03715408703371677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986445554498221,0.041865047001265095,0.02953342831572559,0.08971359562107335,0.0,0.04819503702834246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387246696084567,0.044674152306171284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504933457286234,0.0,0.03412394849196768,0.0,0.04705433809781269,0.0,0.0,0.16981447989299406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996219490885669,0.26919840319252186,0.04707907777441404,0.0,0.049128083315642564,0.0,0.0,0.3067344180603169,0.0,0.04622589928112324,0.04856697893606146,0.041825185060860325,0.04987882491597267,0.0,0.04501238131739206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889555273990856,0.0,0.0,0.0885125897381202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050120191601910793,0.0,0.0420864818103391,0.21110916284728826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497614044248982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263271728563814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871688546048501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653244733022297,0.07112381971848107,0.07734297467406644,0.040734227034354115,0.0,0.0,0.14696980690116696,0.2834997485540909,0.04346982145632816,0.10537514793821533,0.07739765940770255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600779803584918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038212888316123,0.0,0.14602479626078513,0.07828934185673435,0.035119083183428185,0.0,0.0,0.03978095876222408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045088743738216766,0.03142989672343008,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drsnow101,2019/04/13,The noose is ready. My clothes are my favourite. Best music playing and one last cup of coffee to go. I want to. It’s selfish. I keep thinking what dad will come home to. Everything is perfect. I’m home alone. I chatted with my girlfriend (she’s quite suspicious.) but it’s all good. It’s all gonna be fine. It’ll be A-Okay. The attention whoring will come to an end and things will get better. Just a slow horrible few minutes then darkness. I can’t even comprehend. My life is fine. My family’s the best. My past is golden. My grades are shit. My friends will move on. My music taste is shit. I’m just selfish. And no amount of apologies will make up for it. It’s all I am now. Just like my favourite song. All apologies.,-0.8994619619619613,1.0098726824324369,0.6599399399399388,100.09426926926928,105.95945945945944,3.814214214214215,19.67067067067067,5.82211442006289,-0.0955233233233228,559,21,125,6,27,177,89,148,0.16,0.639,0.201,0.6124,0,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,5,5,15,2,0,5,0,17,5,2,1,5,20,28,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,7,1,1,2,0,8,6,1,1,2,3,0,4,2,5,0,1,0,2,16,10,10,19,8,12,0,0,0,1,7,2,2,0,7,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988454312146627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384807218056153,0.16214898567825092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158616791926669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238447594869962,0.0,0.0,0.12109408296580215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164773819223344,0.0,0.17283626704075536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164772751559862,0.0,0.09578737890682476,0.0,0.10419612514877052,0.15377656597001835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36780915387764695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629606688806964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944625176419776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294981881949073,0.08957047236629917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122380613004826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948609900626968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423566427188848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501840258867396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500424243488804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376390949006682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218026899517698,0.11747661884648107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813845185581236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hephaestusgo,2019/04/13,"I don't know where else I could post this to get this off my chest I want to go

I want to crawl out of my bed

and start climbing the tallest tower 

out there

the one that meets the sky

just so I could see you

just so I could finally see how you 

feel like

I want to tell you how I've

been craving for your embrace

I want to kiss your sweet nothingness

Let me feel the silence

that I've been craving for years

Let me hold it like how 

I held my very first toy

​

Let me tell you the tale of how I

longed for you;

how I've watched you kiss your lovers from afar

​

I want to lean my head against your

sturdy chest

and allow you to embrace me, 

finally

letting me sleep

​

(if this doesn't belong here, it's fine)",3.760769230769232,4.012794564102567,3.806820512820515,95.55484615384614,71.30769230769229,7.0092307692307685,25.856410256410257,6.2581,0.5220379487179483,576,16,139,3,10,176,79,156,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.194,0.9719,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,11,0,2,12,7,0,0,5,0,11,7,4,6,0,26,25,10,0,9,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,6,31,7,17,15,0,15,0,0,3,3,15,6,0,1,8,89,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34393201847806354,0.3857085453009237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534396277227865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838984151127298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070004181509598,0.07558996999386647,0.0,0.2318171729006346,0.0,0.09000108045711444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528083484771058,0.0,0.06013369247449121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859055882301036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058149858680348575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327874808349758,0.0,0.10338586453919593,0.0,0.0,0.09363763445863944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169891604916392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133577268847037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686321460569903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588541294691746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489215405506597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849634576111696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730350535126807,0.31204444499641376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857085453009237,0.06813752624161859
suicidewatch,Tintons,2019/04/13,"Hey, I’m currently in touch with someone who seems extremely depressed - saying he is almost on the brink. I don’t personally know him, but I can’t help to think what he’s going through. What can I do to help him, such as confident boosts etc... I’ve never done something like this before. Title says most of it.

Just remember, I don’t know this person - found him on a social platform, through some sick person messaging me about him (saying how him and others severely bully him and want me to join).

I’ve never dealt with this before, but I need to be there for him - even if it might mean very little to him.",5.741452184179457,5.618188694214876,6.267131050767414,80.91809917355373,67.01652892561984,9.228335301062572,28.029515938606853,8.841846274778883,1.9607086186540736,476,13,95,7,7,155,81,121,0.135,0.745,0.12,-0.4426,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,2,24,19,7,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,3,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,4,15,1,16,15,3,10,0,1,0,0,22,6,0,6,4,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219928379300502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756656093329797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395128887199189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657614836799388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065019644567712,0.10698607220520516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776023937374498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205680323634888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171431733309796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803962731971368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913510544310798,0.16234622516725278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764433925064836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718348771449637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201059041185778,0.2498574794785817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243033103906909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349143780334706,0.0,0.0,0.3864383054636312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746024640494027,0.0,0.1829909690326702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511791794642136,0.13724488445704225,0.12469989602251785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379005908886883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365022640800706,0.09553983097318057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HumanAdeptness,2019/04/13,"I am waiting for Game of thrones to end, after that I will kill myself. If you go through my post history,you would know I've been contemplating  suicide for 3 years since I quit my job and came to my parents home and cut off from the outside world since then. Not a day goes by ,without me feeling disgusted by myself. In these days, something that got me through boredom and depression was GoT, I become so heavily invested in those characters and story. I just want to see all the loose ends tied up and know what happened to these characters I am so attached to.

I am a worthless pos, and a coward that's what held me back from jumping off a cliff . In these last 6 months by freelancing,  I have saved up some money I'd have to figure out   a way to kill myself before this season ends.",8.38428571428571,6.099811668789813,8.113830755232032,76.83815286624207,62.88535031847135,11.26442220200182,37.715195632393076,9.606745405546679,3.3634647861692453,620,24,125,9,7,199,101,157,0.193,0.757,0.051,-0.9758,2,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,4,0,7,0,9,0,0,0,1,23,21,10,3,3,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,2,4,1,2,3,2,6,0,0,6,2,18,1,27,13,2,26,0,2,1,0,3,9,0,2,12,86,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491238529234533,0.0,0.0,0.17941091035407866,0.13823117315083278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579708752286286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953087530374612,0.0,0.13991611303331902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316417891858871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213852445978806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232286855561346,0.0,0.2598488042563783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365211560526148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294845954450585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120444559427075,0.0,0.3594490006443032,0.0,0.1785542027624753,0.13241669628362324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966434058357465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037913605016687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558015543229506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727833066383043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129449920785047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687571147363469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506030738247248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769160423596025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581596304312764,0.1289435584694124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659395042998467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539830651836487,0.0,0.0,0.10461110269551664
suicidewatch,InternationalArea4,2019/04/13,"I really feel like suicide would be my best option right now, how do I get out of this? I feel so alone in the world, my friends (the few I have) and family do not support me at all - if anything whenever I voice my problems they yell, insult or belittle me because I am an overachiever who graduated from an insane school and earns a lot so I am not supposed to feel sad  
But I had to overcame a lot too,  I was homeless and suffered physical and sexual abuse for many years, and a lot of people close to me died and I am currently living in a place where I have no one, I have no significant other and my previous SO was insane (which left me with many open wounds) who constantly told me how I was not good enough  


I call my friend today to tell them I was feeling incredibly depressed and got told to just get through, I feel like I have no options.. how do I survive this? I keep thinking my ex SO was right and my only way out is suicide",2.842763385146803,4.1699829481865285,4.468414507772021,85.94320898100176,74.44041450777202,7.840967184801383,26.856303972366142,8.447377352677275,1.7510216925734028,731,27,156,13,15,246,111,193,0.253,0.659,0.08800000000000001,-0.9886,1,1,0,0,1,2,16.0,0,0,2,3,11,12,1,0,8,0,19,1,0,3,1,39,32,19,3,3,7,1,5,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,6,14,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,9,7,33,7,16,21,7,19,0,3,0,0,12,13,0,7,7,119,39,3,0.0,0.15371275767928969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436458318377498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675945977244608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908422136593878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614710447271228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247221411300278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019561903037275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117391094228274,0.0,0.13464269307385612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404918867376242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223010182830694,0.0,0.3279852968133918,0.1853630045413521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004632662953254,0.0,0.13556059939906548,0.0,0.0,0.10881414490265563,0.10375957901746448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531292642127965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095562043006798,0.0,0.0,0.12676228393559086,0.0,0.1145568891647451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308838614392615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630584268888309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879106480814161,0.09866802792621532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994074190094599,0.0,0.13554369616144846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241372563815129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311048011455148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158307502473829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129703540424362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838143681780453,0.14721982227793876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339263078139007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831278663637693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297200814392215,0.24793147376435914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297626253919266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215882088000764,0.0,0.0,0.08354399788216932
suicidewatch,bluehaven101,2019/04/13,"Why am I still alive? I'm blessed yet I'm such a failure. I'm just so tired, everyday is struggle, my productivity is non-existent. I don't have anyone to talk to. I've been playing catch-up since I was 13 now 23, the lights getting too far into the distant. I don't trust myself. How have I not done anything yet? 

Why can't I do anything in life? Why? Why? Why?

Trigger: it's stupid but I looked at a Twitter profile of some artist I used to follow and experienced a whole load of thoughts...of jealousy, envy, resentment, then acceptence.

Sigh. Anyway, how is everyone?",0.18452012383901106,2.584374789473685,2.3445923632610963,90.19695046439631,94.96491228070177,5.138493292053664,24.249742002063986,6.794906146795322,1.1282410732714143,442,20,90,7,17,148,80,114,0.192,0.745,0.063,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,2,1,5,0,13,2,0,4,0,11,20,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,3,10,4,8,17,2,11,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,6,54,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105141268874063,0.0,0.28493045169488673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716462249818604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165426152772858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044946204564412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228167835669215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537946058406942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432088811707229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825600676407165,0.0,0.0,0.18098542834807665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391494633681624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897906894985293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952242227660814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7810815174400964,0.1932853048693141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EdgyAutist03,2019/04/13,"I don't know what to do There's so many reasons for me to be happy and so many for me not to long for the past, I don't know why I do but nothing helps, writing and listening to music usually makes me feel a little better but today not even that worked and I sign have any money for anything that would make me feel better and my dealers out of town. I want to get out so bad but I would hurt my family and girlfriend and friends and I don't ever want to let them down like that, my mom once told me that me and my brothers were the only reason she was still alive. I tried cutting myself with my pocket knife cause I thought maybe it would make me feel better but either I'm too much of a bitch to do that right or its just not sharp enough, I just want to sleep today away but I can't even sleep during the day when I'm sober and I'm out of ativan so I can't black out. Today's been a let down and I don't know what to do",0.4989167092488529,2.0782935825242745,2.2714307613694444,98.08851558507921,81.62135922330097,4.919366377107818,16.667347981604497,5.399115186594226,-0.8345300970873786,722,12,177,3,19,238,103,206,0.097,0.773,0.131,0.4886,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,4,13,10,2,0,6,0,20,2,2,6,1,49,39,21,0,6,12,2,4,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,9,15,0,0,9,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,5,6,28,6,24,28,3,20,0,1,1,0,10,10,1,1,11,122,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847859634195893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496756088711507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842574491686373,0.0,0.09635742008183594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061960632301798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855157508933185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442595601984525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924305831425275,0.0,0.15244634979574326,0.1043894172207186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879250817782077,0.0,0.1750550089608643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891607520687583,0.0,0.060293764621724075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284957708541695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735278872066506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354224128387492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902688645197617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360165740312949,0.0,0.05638050690544054,0.11566500629350795,0.0,0.10212880299903902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310989597685781,0.23400284364197815,0.11593870964415692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351596304691651,0.0,0.0,0.08483513096142538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073313613017774,0.0,0.0,0.1229013667241686,0.0,0.08776985168028012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101660624873805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730881999472195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855428368511254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097444829416844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216168831568937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161779065195348,0.0,0.0,0.3281681556569523,0.11027335367158668,0.0,0.07835165978372474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710107061274012,0.0,0.20420459680061592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413405253675627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401539970838467,0.0,0.0,0.2459388175585088,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mmtimbre,2019/04/13,"Just venting So I attempted suicide a few months ago. Prior to that I wanted to fulfill life experiences so I racked up a ton of credit card debt on international travel, skydiving, fancy restaurants, ect because I didn't intend to pay it off. Afterwards, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, and even more money on therapy, neurologist, all that stuff. I've had a 95k job for the past 5 years so my rent is suuper expensive too. I got short term disability through my job for 2 months starting when I was in the hospital. My short term disability ended but I still have no energy and no motivation whatsoever to get my work done. So I ended up quitting. 

​

So now I have no job and a ton of bills. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or anything because it's pretty obvious, ""just stop spending so much"", but I just wanted to vent and maybe see if anyone has experienced anything similar before. The suicidal thoughts had been quite a bit better while I was on disability, but with all this debt, it's coming back with a vengeance.",5.057228144989338,6.242854228855723,6.564509594882729,73.5699626865672,68.90049751243781,9.921961620469084,31.770078180525946,10.125756701596842,3.349046624022744,824,35,151,21,14,282,123,201,0.136,0.7709999999999999,0.094,-0.8613,7,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,6,15,3,0,0,10,0,12,1,0,2,4,27,23,18,2,4,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,2,1,9,2,5,0,0,0,10,3,16,3,22,13,10,31,0,0,2,0,0,10,0,3,19,104,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304825965726042,0.11836504185198203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446781757200622,0.16225185704056755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336629756034533,0.0,0.21976531083823372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267524649300322,0.0,0.16279558296688645,0.0,0.11362299857665525,0.0,0.0,0.1180951902323976,0.1457786409533855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502306022869507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664611171341118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365334016458429,0.0,0.0,0.08819437694319349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306165869779308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976317913150848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679501462362496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975195769840279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431519479236354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213038885350604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341474200512442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316249945292004,0.0,0.09815888052501016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746815196792266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584658440836278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28404819197782466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064050013455226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451222604147183,0.0,0.10663610758703757,0.11163588352821516,0.0,0.0,0.15285829359733938,0.2921172183521249,0.0,0.12584911951959935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270158427501573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600678828043143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751724859617244,0.0,0.1071085837185949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721040668854701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225185704056755,0.08598803657482677
suicidewatch,PolarMolecule,2019/04/13,"Should I die? Is it unethical or ethical to write a suicide note? I don’t know whether or not to die. That is indeed a tough decision. I recently got rejected by the uni for physics. I always want to be a scientist someday, I guess I failed. I’m a deaf person. I’ve been suffering clinical depression since tenth grade because of the deaf education. Deaf education is very shitty, delayed system. I always wanted to attend to STEM schools or regular schools for a better education, but my evil principal manipulated to my mom I should stay in deaf school, so my mom agreed with my former high school principal, neglecting me on IEP meeting day. I got depressed and losing more hope and motivation for my future. I have always aced classes, but I felt like it is too easy for me. I asked my math teacher if I can study trigonometry and calculus so I can understand the mathematics of physics better. My teacher refused, saying that I should learn the same thing to the other students, even though I am the only student whose aced in algebra. This led me to lose more motivation. But I am a curious person, so I had to force myself to studying on Wikipedia and encyclopedias. Did I learn a lot? Yes, but not enough to resurrect my motivation. I started to failing in the other classes. I realized I am the epitome of the failure in my lifetime. I failed so many things. I have forget who I am. I regret that I should have applying to STEM school by myself or something.

So I decided to visit to Toronto in Canada because it is where I want to die in my favourite city. Toronto is *definitely* perfect city for me. And not only that, to escape from my family that got my life ruined by them. I don't even like my family because we are not that close. When my mom revealed how I lose the ability to hear, due to her anti vax stance. She did not get flu shot or something and got my mom sick and increase the heat into her womb (when I was in her womb). But I survived. I was incredibly mad at her because she fucked up my life. The whole 'love your family no matter how bad they fuck up because you're family' ideology is toxic bullshit. My mom makes a bad choices and decisions everyday.

I learned a plethora of things in Toronto. I learned from the students of their entertaining stories on how to reclaim their hope by the rejections. *I learned that sacrifice can make your life better. That you should not have constrained by the legacy or the curse of your family, you can find your own life path. Love is stronger than death, and you need to believe in something greater than yourself. But ultimately, you can't control everything. It's what you make of your situation that defines you.*

I still don’t know if I should die tomorrow or not. I honestly don't know what to do with my life after the rejections by universities and jobs. I know I'm in my early twenties, I still have so much to learn. And I want to go time travel to the past to fix and rewrote my mistakes. But travel time to the past is deemed impossible by all modern laws of physics.

​

Right now, I'm *running out* of funds to book a flight to get back to the *shithole*. I guess I will die soon.",3.568388827229008,5.636682859477125,4.8588210630164035,80.79403440621533,74.16339869281045,8.148279689234185,29.684424713281537,8.895488261720299,2.598824047354792,2498,111,471,54,53,827,273,612,0.218,0.645,0.136,-0.9968,1,1,3,0,0,2,78.0,1,11,4,17,21,35,4,0,30,1,43,18,2,12,2,101,78,41,7,17,24,5,1,2,0,7,12,6,0,2,23,18,0,5,21,4,1,8,13,23,0,1,11,7,93,12,76,59,11,55,1,15,0,6,40,22,2,14,25,334,116,27,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557010734782049,0.06758245445102988,0.07579151923546562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583114871372853,0.0,0.0,0.04796193437487085,0.104159756906959,0.1901137648427444,0.0,0.0,0.07027440011228937,0.0,0.1654948185870716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995800512018416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022621963109433,0.0,0.10744566946801057,0.0,0.32367302663817576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444925547148507,0.0,0.08239518411032631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605793792295853,0.0,0.2940043744289779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988904442869434,0.0,0.05700891816051803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153279450347351,0.06517592377079473,0.0,0.035448713533096775,0.0,0.1995454857092831,0.0,0.1374244976442448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030029282938803,0.0,0.0,0.06590180082623136,0.0,0.12390337279950435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189680088515333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711698700186487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028382388605985,0.06094579834717714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093424331217304,0.0,0.05302834163159305,0.11259035949629953,0.0,0.12490585286790898,0.0632376813549624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652597340543701,0.0,0.0,0.04585223748522624,0.04624970278190072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948768284478091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908652471534473,0.0,0.10892554721579603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158702934298677,0.0,0.0,0.053267253430314174,0.0,0.049602492906563087,0.0,0.3156302645744023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159660937382731,0.07011125028977376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405619366425362,0.0,0.0,0.04414880253862289,0.06648263229280643,0.09962428469903284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822728620052143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431600476973707,0.0,0.061282366374504675,0.0,0.07274183270827111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493377539071049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514652738636514,0.14715975267894124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696386026586872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579151923546562,0.0
suicidewatch,somesled,2019/04/13,"mm i’m ready to kms so here’s the thing. i can’t give you my whole background and everything but i’m in so much pain. i’ve been diagnosed with depression over a year ago and only very recently started to hurt so, so fucking much. my heart is being dragged down. i’m a teenager boy and i’ve already fucked up. i’m extremely dumb, i’ll never get a good stable job. i’m overweight and fat i can’t even loose the weight bc of a medical condition that prevents my body burning fat for energy so the constant bulimia i have is fucking useless. i don’t have any friends who are there for me or support me. i’m extremely confused with my sexuality to whether i’m bi or gay  and i’ve only liked guys recently and everyone one i like i know doesn’t like me either i’m too ugly and fat or they’re straight. this hurts a lot i feel like no one will ever like me. idgaf how cliche that sounds. i feel ugly disgusting and worthless. i do lots of drugs and get drunk at things my siblings take me too bc they feel guilty i have no friends. this is the tip of the iceberg and i can’t take this shit anymore. i’m hurting so much so so much and no one will help me. i’m on antidepressants tried at least 4 types nothing’s worked.",-0.3999064044589318,1.8574368482490264,1.7196971290356515,95.10470922284156,94.91439688715954,5.113008728572932,21.73193816384478,6.766488616294105,0.6106034072983489,958,38,214,15,37,318,138,257,0.29600000000000004,0.5760000000000001,0.128,-0.9957,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,1,15,23,6,1,10,1,17,18,6,1,2,30,41,25,0,0,6,0,4,5,2,2,8,1,0,2,8,13,6,1,4,1,0,0,9,14,0,3,1,5,24,9,17,37,9,16,0,6,0,5,9,8,5,6,13,123,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960447251200338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956565894234493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368093880320291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745295281640364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035115560990126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170866237379333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332071253216508,0.10997181002885496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565027666213122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156339877135627,0.0980077450471611,0.0,0.10353197689847103,0.0973769670933436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435331419840246,0.07740444572295851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742011766368306,0.3005003196164029,0.11321561262259143,0.10393809733925748,0.0,0.09087788141812037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728240389041407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283939182744449,0.07262395554515266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479690798743648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751952294892256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059545698726775176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646688952547102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422864876588368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915007544227598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185955093026303,0.0,0.08356531869697786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396365132657397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22025997058231897,0.16480837761781736,0.11529082395329394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139628517178358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121854560516088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766898792802958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295299993709505,0.0,0.0,0.1629297138972262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396433349933385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356176229884252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939915496638748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193971955301387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209676304690504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887925896975341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977311212180641
suicidewatch,stupid333333,2019/04/13,"im done im done

im tired

im done trying

im an autistic tranny morbidly obese loser of a teenager. im every popular fucking joke and meme right now wrapped up in one package. nobody would miss me. im sick of trying to be normal. im sick of having to find shit to wear that doesn't immediately make me meltdown. im sick of being the person people go to when they need help and leave when they're done with me. im sick of being a joke. im sick of being me.

so bye guys. it's been a good 17 years. 
wish me luck",-2.1694157088122594,-0.3700272327586181,1.3681609195402338,96.73181992337166,101.5,3.612260536398468,14.203065134099615,5.46131890053228,-0.9687819923371648,395,9,95,3,18,142,68,116,0.224,0.629,0.146,-0.8783,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,2,0,5,0,12,10,2,1,0,10,18,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,5,0,6,5,13,8,0,8,0,2,0,1,5,3,2,1,5,45,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30964400925980784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373409594723589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913807377400714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993249678554946,0.0,0.0,0.042990743387624035,0.06344735830826723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490034993762655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070318604850544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8988042727908238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009703332276065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504935622298684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056089739397571815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411594706687089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125894609495266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052442653324213516,0.06605021426713716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460033651286415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764840908943092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694269177392773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271585159184007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869879088522603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373597095186621,0.0,0.0,0.04871283942797176
suicidewatch,arryboy05,2019/04/13,what are the effects of trying to overdose? has anyone tried to kill them self by overdosing on paracetamol/ibuprofen. i have tried countless times at least 15+ but it never worked i just felt like shit the next day. anyone know the effects it could have on your body? sorry if this isn’t an appropriate place to post this admins/myself can delete if needed,2.768235294117648,5.621237882352943,2.995588235294118,88.72514705882355,81.94117647058823,5.1647058823529415,20.264705882352946,6.6274283507984215,0.4251705882352943,288,8,52,3,8,88,55,68,0.135,0.8190000000000001,0.046,-0.7438,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,3,1,3,2,0,4,0,7,2,2,2,1,11,10,3,1,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,8,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,5,34,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156541619816285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25072150721806136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021723599149345,0.0,0.0,0.14556925897679704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672441254148106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24972321901432895,0.0,0.12404855821676412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102742786236128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736683246899586,0.17408742399429233,0.0,0.2400533604466344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582698026767315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161751856850968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547281359434796,0.0,0.2316960002869516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526725125103542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13161782018129325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597425547860353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432519153570418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kz82i4,2019/04/13,"Fucking tired of my life.. at 16 years old Hello,
I just need someone to talk to. I am a 16 years old guy and Ive been through hell

I dont have real friends, I always need to go to people
I dont have / ever had a gf

Nobody fucking even cares about me

I have a receiding hairline. Yup. At 16 years old Im losing my hair. And it shows

Ive been trying to socialize, probably worked a bit as I know more people than before

It never was supposed to be like this...younger me always thought it was gonna be better

I have too many problems and Its starting to impact my studies. I dont even have energy to study as everytime I wake up everything I can think of is how shitty my life is

Im really tired of all of this. No 16 years old person have all theses problems...

I just wanna end it. But i dont wanna make my family sad, they dedicated their life to raising us..

So I dont know what to do. I am just tired of all of this..",-0.01824523809523626,1.8778048850000035,2.8152857142857144,91.84133333333335,85.15,5.60952380952381,19.52380952380953,6.868970318607317,0.2364309523809527,707,20,162,9,21,249,105,200,0.165,0.7759999999999999,0.058,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,2,3,10,11,3,0,4,1,26,10,2,2,5,25,39,8,0,6,4,0,1,1,2,1,6,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,6,1,27,4,26,30,5,16,1,2,0,2,10,3,3,0,13,109,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250675286399498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798048092667699,0.0,0.0,0.0810497860891858,0.10004918610481024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343499323594594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370179408096654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116749534259936,0.0,0.0,0.12105718059216727,0.08289531726624848,0.0,0.0,0.08236180291408074,0.0,0.08639179834219314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080228079834625,0.16944286271269765,0.0,0.0,0.05208218614075871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073985839896932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797788906883984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007279493150517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941880871144204,0.044771588270068455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252381052630367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061171659286148726,0.09291047158493076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359025696090636,0.07067985905101484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846509035165806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706586659923855,0.08001814537332089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880543476275186,0.17537778459444628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430851008139536,0.0587081280186949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341734489281532,0.07764785836421685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486458668130085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365826311183371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872040943186251,0.0,0.07275340763008943,0.0,0.3159865426648003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221881364062196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102338850536936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671637220995001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23605743661207534
suicidewatch,throwaway3674849291,2019/04/13,"My negligence has fucked me I’m in a program where I go to high school for a little bit, then go to work, I’m in this program because I was quite ahead in my schooling, and it made me eligible for it. The program counts for a VERY large part of my grade, and since I’m not as far in my online classes as I should be, they are withdrawing me from the program. If im withdrawn from the program my gpa is absolutely fucked. I’m extremely close to being where I should be in my classes, all I need is 1 more day. But if I’m not done by tomorrow, I’m out of the program. And I won’t be able to finish by then. I’ll be able to finish it by Monday, but that’s too late. I’m smart, funny, easy going, good lookingish, and great with people, but now ive lost everything. They won’t let me repeat my senior year, I’ll graduate with fucking horrible gpa. Literally like a 1.7. I won’t be able to get into a single college, not even a community college. My life is over before it even got to begin. I had big plans, really big plans. I was excited. But now, it’s over. I’ve lost everything. My parents are talking about kicking me out when I turn 18. Even better. Everyone around me always thought I’d be something, but turns out I’m just gonna be another waste of space. Unfortunate. Im waiting until they withdraw me, Incase some kind of miracle happens. Rip ig, just needed to get that off my chest to someone.",1.543126585489599,3.392008256849316,3.781887366818875,87.21070268899038,79.44520547945207,6.791679350583461,24.855910705225767,7.793537801064563,1.3490932014205983,1089,41,232,18,27,375,154,292,0.081,0.799,0.12,0.9263,1,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,3,8,13,12,3,0,10,0,25,5,1,1,1,33,54,17,0,6,12,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,9,0,31,7,41,30,6,42,0,2,0,3,5,22,3,3,18,146,39,18,0.3437570858256486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534447773764364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015309240688468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020055623730882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985037629379988,0.0,0.09750398704396801,0.0,0.0,0.1013417357631717,0.12509790180565206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389829401445927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726094957020852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270483131375507,0.0,0.0,0.10949154229756183,0.20596446877016164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177978866179279,0.1197325928622726,0.0,0.19536507375986767,0.09610904471536157,0.09164464811406343,0.126331133563966,0.0,0.0,0.1013277519068037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106607824948858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475444278025292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932336870727825,0.0,0.0,0.1292576552720229,0.0,0.0,0.11717163683728445,0.0809352652744842,0.055980782764436965,0.1148449694080222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25016764445808964,0.0,0.0,0.1084237554356139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699276822729999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723385430033626,0.1240851416885698,0.0,0.07943929341928642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187599155721755,0.0,0.0,0.07340653052772053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193368211365495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947864712275616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708808776205488,0.08821366637342894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209964143322537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096824270215552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492726646974557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454519898685576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341975086940154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378943091764832
suicidewatch,Alex_505,2019/04/13,"Suicide or running away I'm out here visiting the family and I can hear them all taking the piss out of me for a lot of reasons,I get abused at school for being for being from a different country,I get verbally abused on how I look, my self esteem is at an all time low and suicide is looking like the only option, Their was another thing I was thinking about which is running away,running away forever starting a whole new life for myself (I'm 15)I really can't think of anything else,this is a last ditch attempt trying to steer myself to the living,I was just wondering whether anyone could give me advice about this",9.901463414634147,6.75488337398374,9.64139837398374,69.7538048780488,60.788617886178855,12.441626016260164,40.047154471544715,10.355215969177356,4.080884227642278,497,19,91,8,5,163,82,123,0.165,0.815,0.02,-0.9578,1,0,0,0,2,2,9.0,0,0,2,1,5,3,1,0,9,0,12,2,1,1,2,16,25,5,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,3,10,1,19,19,4,15,0,1,2,0,6,8,1,4,5,64,13,1,0.0,0.3621321750305233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493334213683868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602445431091604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685492948040096,0.0,0.12575740607407146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.430736779117712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201391498930785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966382440757906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406459954254974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968373559223195,0.14659836456310266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223865382717835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245682678882864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794091392511904,0.07465987580746071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566597392556392,0.0,0.0,0.12992165195498534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475940003088445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622609631870172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790006823802064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466146637353753,0.0,0.0,0.15942404011539746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816641028493018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343194019967706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490122586189627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152646809346627,0.19584109677328612,0.0,0.0,0.08911026425594687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375439154125134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061748527061515,0.0,0.0,0.16572620075697628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hopeless1111,2019/04/13,"4.14.19 I’m ready for it. I’m so tired of “it’s going to get better” because it isn’t. It never does. I told my friend how I was feeling and they ignored me. No one cares. I’ve been getting harassed no one cares. 

I’m going to clean up my house.Then not exist.I don’t really care anymore and forsure don’t care about anything afterwards.

I just want my dogs to go where they’ll be loved and treated well. I love them. But just can’t.",-1.4108156028368803,0.5577128829787271,0.913574468085109,99.67433333333337,101.02127659574468,3.3577304964539016,17.968794326241134,5.2151,-0.6111495035460992,337,11,78,2,15,112,64,94,0.125,0.539,0.335,0.9696,0,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,7,12,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,12,25,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,8,2,1,2,3,1,11,10,7,20,0,7,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,2,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871016348830892,0.0,0.0,0.13999163950504298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370162823599174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504544937982729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.693781700787732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887036657979494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601617043083855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143182519391858,0.0,0.17775802352888503,0.0,0.2900439099157897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070741251455344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312045710219658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055110584298025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898118439421134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552424757537268,0.0,0.16255390187976665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003393019453062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152955442142597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway461812,2019/04/13,"I just can't anymore First of all, This is a throwaway account, I don't want any of my friends or family knowing about this

For the past 3 years, I've been suffering from anxiety, depression, and OCD (I assume so at least, I'm terrified of talking to my parents or a therapist about it) and I have just been in pain ever since

My mind has become so toxic and I just feel out of place. Any time I'm in public I can just feel everyone's judgment around me, suffocating me until I return to my room, and then I am tortured by my loneliness

I'm in constant paranoia of my friends and family, 
and I can never talk to any of them (or anyone else for that matter). Just today I found out my best friend lied to me that she didn't have time to meet up and then met up with someone else, which is a big reason I'm writing this now
I really can't live like this anymore. I'm constantly tormented by my own mind and I can't trust anyone around me, which makes me feel isolated. I have been considering suicide for many weeks now, and I think now is a good time.

Please, just help me. I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I don't have anyone in my life to talk to and I just need to talk",4.903098106712561,4.307632554216866,6.0845811818703375,83.11743975903616,68.83935742971886,9.684566838783708,29.833907056798626,9.23628265651192,2.2126268502581747,922,30,205,16,14,311,125,249,0.115,0.8240000000000001,0.061,-0.8271,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,2,18,11,1,0,6,0,20,2,0,2,3,46,37,19,1,2,12,1,3,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,9,15,0,0,9,0,1,0,7,4,0,1,6,3,34,7,35,31,4,33,0,2,0,0,15,14,0,4,20,140,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754331817272005,0.0,0.08532413623567146,0.0,0.22122593105213767,0.23396405256296146,0.11428101112974215,0.0,0.19857998113927314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318188504446677,0.0,0.0,0.11704932977328493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410598933882565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606511954888536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634672496100446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008899898982991,0.0,0.10657668022472516,0.0,0.0,0.2102909536866826,0.0,0.16918667194362827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948717991761314,0.0,0.1222926092571144,0.2585154975007299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355044883280443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475970534572778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259367747193213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787806227317531,0.05449047349429893,0.0,0.09848764062649164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445062388288322,0.11307920457729485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22523754946948715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270195064802502,0.08602283579863318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186813354232083,0.0,0.12384665992441835,0.0,0.10647298574324483,0.0,0.0,0.116530563408869,0.12243217560933504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145231646475407,0.11467677993365065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226308463347764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450342799013607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200142523753345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585911323512075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295009842962376,0.0,0.07146726389111398,0.0,0.0,0.1951112471053732,0.0,0.10572234488472684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578636116226086,0.0,0.08946682391785958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182502335661932
suicidewatch,mainhub_j,2019/04/13,"Transferring emotional pain through cutting. It's actually my first time : ) 
It's probably my first step to real action.

I can't silence this agonizing pain inside of me perhaps by replacing it with external pain i can silence it.",5.062317073170732,7.987078097560975,6.827012195121952,64.37271341463415,72.90243902439025,10.929268292682927,39.51829268292683,10.686352973137794,5.785141463414633,186,12,27,7,4,64,31,41,0.333,0.633,0.034,-0.9346,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,19,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.2293756739812427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26440051264313097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998681802275745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7503318694507735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534245172023029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675392691803073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706001150934705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DrunkenMasterII,2019/04/13,"My best friend just tried to kill himself He called me first, I talked to him for like 30 minutes, he hang up once I called him back, told him there a lot of things he hasn’t tried, that there’s other options. I tried to change his mind on the idea that killing himself would be better for everyone, I told him that his daughter needs him. I even tried to tell him he was a coward to do that because every time I give him a way out he was irrationally going back to suicide. I tried a bunch of stuff then I called the cops. 

I think he missed himself, maybe it was just a call for help and he didn’t want to do it, but I don’t know how to change his mind and I fear it just push him further next time.",3.1202000000000005,3.511771286666665,3.5546666666666664,96.294,72.8,6.533333333333332,23.0,5.6839178017228535,0.007400000000000517,543,12,134,2,10,169,82,150,0.123,0.799,0.078,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,2,1,7,0,10,0,0,1,0,18,19,5,3,3,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,6,0,27,4,16,11,3,15,0,1,0,0,33,4,0,2,8,87,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834951864030785,0.0,0.07273468256086021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521608298552475,0.10552640332096744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4873449735091381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524436398399958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880791227512397,0.0,0.1005299215283091,0.11401273686222148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342650681261642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149118411556983,0.0,0.0,0.0921842043031323,0.0,0.0,0.11445996973014172,0.06781073764315244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997583144368066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469464157756753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26401369736579905,0.0,0.06557363515689997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829237693371191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143925134755884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987020576314145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095279947740986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847222222857544,0.0,0.0,0.12689523927081095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706896741402424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658969437590618,0.13051369552038192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590267854017707,0.10428852762502418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926907301741598,0.07645367011901158,0.0,0.0,0.13914968532940558,0.0,0.0,0.22802547372444296,0.0,0.4050428717459889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037640005769147,0.09470847202799756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475954452246204,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,higirlies,2019/04/13,"Is this normal? Hey guys, ive always wondered if what happens to me is normal or i have something that i don't know. I don't consider myself depressed, or maybe i'm and i don't even know, but anyway, i don't think killing myself is a problem. Like i always plan my suicide, but i don't have any motive to do that, i just don't see any purpose in living, but im not sad! I just think our life system is broken, i don't wanna work for the rest of my life, i don't wanna be stuck in this world not being free... Maybe one day i will kill myself, but not bc im depressed, just because you know? I don't know if i described it right, i don't think i put it in the right words, but its basically it! I always think about killing myself but i seem normal and healthy! Its just something that seems normal to me... i never told that to anyone!",1.3951666666666682,2.737723738888892,3.3155555555555587,92.66500000000002,78.27777777777777,5.2444444444444445,20.88888888888889,5.2151,-0.15304444444444476,643,16,146,2,15,217,84,180,0.112,0.731,0.157,0.7368,0,0,2,0,0,4,27.0,1,1,0,3,7,9,3,0,3,0,21,2,0,1,1,40,37,12,4,9,17,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,12,2,0,0,12,0,1,1,14,7,0,1,2,1,30,3,12,32,1,10,0,3,1,0,5,6,0,7,3,101,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27899587397311826,0.0,0.0,0.15201001248043644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814968779499211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813177943059723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208010228768758,0.0,0.19252852782707736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382067409205864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066633934911373,0.09883468650297617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414538510626801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37095899154846745,0.0,0.2456956318319857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788787217535705,0.054603433023987104,0.0,0.09869180691193287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245688062918541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620116236566644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43802949151044734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573582670769713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694538082090073,0.0,0.1123561340279398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190895844106282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906337567475832,0.2034959236659244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208651918607434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225433593425478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864616661989064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067976152047666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120592762155535,0.08136729346286893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rokkerstand,2019/04/13,"I am gay, I hate my life and I want to kill myself I live in a homophobic place, I have no way of finding other gay people and I have lost the people I love because I am gay. My life is shit.",-0.5154545454545456,0.7525920000000035,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,83.54545454545455,5.3090909090909095,17.81818181818182,5.985473137389443,-0.4614818181818183,144,3,37,1,4,53,29,44,0.33,0.56,0.11,-0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,0,5,7,1,0,0,4,9,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,11,1,3,8,0,3,0,1,0,4,1,2,1,0,0,25,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675751905391355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125167373022506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27140473514799496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304133764548956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883369917052554,0.0,0.0,0.2427398562922541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000834992675063,0.0,0.2481060611401361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38115914150666735,0.0,0.28720976597256004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28217871400321504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621418865650247,0.218201134410428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BaskinRobins_,2019/04/13,"Seriously what's the point Honestly life just doesn't seem to be for everyone and to be completly honest I am sick of it, I was bullied when I was 9 to the point where I basically died because my body couldn't handle The stress, I had no one with me to support me and I woke up in a hospital by myself, no family at all. Ever since then I have suffered from severe depression but not like the ""I am sad all the time"" kind of depression, more like the ""everything is just boring now"" and every effort I have made to improve the quality of my life has ended in something going right then mere seconds later something else in my life fucking up negating that thing that went right, it's like each step I take forward I get kicked back 10 more, I thought I finally found someone who thought I was special and made me feel wanted, but haha yeah I got proven wrong tonight, and now I am just like well what's The point? I thought life was taking a turn for the good and now I am in a worse off position from where I started, like honestly what tne fuck am I suppose to do? i dont get it.
About a month ago I went through a seriously stressful time, and because of the stress is was having physical implications on me i.e, abdominal pains (like really bad to the point where it makes me cry and I have a high pain tolerance) and you would've thought that out of everyone I have ever help, out of the people I have talked out of suicide, prevented tnem from making decisions they'd regret, helping them through a rough time in life and supporting them, you would've thought That out of the solid 26 people I contacted asking for just an hour to talk because I wasn't feeling to great atm, atleast one of them would've said yes, well if you thought that you'd be wrong, and it just shows that no matter what I do, no matter what I say I am always alone, and I have tried to find out what it is about me that keeps doing something wrong because if all these people would just cast me aside there must because something wrong with me, however I don't know what it is, and on that day I asked to just talk for a hit and no one helped, I decided to go down to the beach and just think, I sat there for 3 hours going over my life until I decided there's no point, so I started walking to the water, and when I got to the water I kept walking, and then I swam, and kept on swimming until I made it about 150m's out and turned around because if the current carried me away, it would carry me away from my problems, that was about a month ago and I have put so much effort into fixing my life and now I am nothing, and have no one to talk to so that's why I am here, I just want someone to listen, I just want to be able to express my issues with someone, I just want to talk because I know that soon I will try it again, except this time I don't have anyone in my life to stop me from going all the way off shore, no memory to turn back to, just me, just the knowledge that no matter who says it theyll never be there for me, because I am not worth anything I guess, I mean I don't blame Them, i have taken a long look at myself and just see a sad pathetic excuse of a human, all I wanted was to feel wanted, to feel like someone for once would be there for me, but once again I am ignored so I ask again, what is the point anymore?",6.710936758893283,4.863418755072465,7.066574440052705,81.64009881422928,65.79710144927537,10.102766798418973,32.64822134387352,8.575989854853784,2.2977826086956514,2591,81,567,30,33,848,265,690,0.206,0.7040000000000001,0.09,-0.9983,2,1,4,0,0,2,57.0,0,4,6,2,48,42,2,3,33,3,59,16,1,5,9,115,122,40,2,16,23,0,5,7,0,6,11,4,0,1,36,35,2,6,21,3,2,13,20,23,2,5,29,11,92,19,89,77,9,93,0,6,2,2,31,40,2,5,48,408,128,0,0.05062723169107208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975597244354311,0.0,0.0,0.05243454365774435,0.0,0.0,0.04212591242994351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050208609894572584,0.03539973754016661,0.0,0.041661897962047854,0.04506896980148115,0.14198888237170812,0.0,0.09513190144063788,0.07785843227584409,0.042271623761164716,0.2468951242712161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623544131637921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308168920469791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556116367409869,0.03265037615436275,0.0,0.08721032094142216,0.0,0.05254307348627188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05933473848998962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229255573341106,0.0,0.04484070031980115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159045905657848,0.042655626234326435,0.0967529789263396,0.045500491381191215,0.0,0.04772684833010787,0.0,0.10239459808445546,0.0361681044359011,0.0,0.055459657678034686,0.04627237257600479,0.0,0.0,0.05551014640985073,0.0,0.09360811980410634,0.05290127799331137,0.0,0.11509048990019367,0.04246371994973293,0.08098244413796367,0.05581670166923558,0.05577160347228563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180309867884904,0.053490449909518664,0.0,0.0,0.09971525027297416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284167651774562,0.0,0.04499980970780827,0.0,0.052720471077939264,0.055646805041843335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860760877481676,0.17313735686805293,0.0,0.0,0.044803506900526716,0.0425141238263776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371413222403046,0.06758814056137498,0.0,0.0,0.055147897193124296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082034664769852,0.0,0.03721684053687649,0.0,0.039046842149987736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048578194231573085,0.0,0.0,0.1078326989137876,0.1372252897476999,0.0,0.10774188800907666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052956436748998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871545886930157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844342337136827,0.0,0.0508943511847494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03243310100565824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647075848336251,0.04815809085761169,0.08052161333805832,0.0,0.0,0.04034334892800096,0.046089130305707535,0.0,0.057194361342338525,0.0,0.0418793692222316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715851564810752,0.15590126551415978,0.0,0.0,0.07166843033574456,0.0,0.0,0.042326632631107725,0.17397996855168704,0.0,0.0,0.05537797433782335,0.11490236512637934,0.0,0.0,0.07613075518992464,0.20346125553915764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033634483138637136,0.032439885829620436,0.0,0.24115420107632704,0.11808458372990628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874513411893926,0.16520367031300714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916751774642375,0.04018554001270962,0.0,0.0,0.09103992275274744,0.09386390198030732,0.045683202039039576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515934742986092,0.21578479696259065,0.22141172103283893,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xxx69420360xxx,2019/04/13,"How do I overcome the fear of killing myself? So I kinda wanna kill my self because I just lost someone who meant everything to me and I just don’t see the point in living anymore. How do I overcome the fear of killing myself? 

I honestly don’t wanna live anymore, I lost the person who was everything for me, I don’t wanna live without that person. 

Please help me, how do I kill myself?",1.8019230769230743,4.080945538461542,3.4919871794871824,87.39259615384617,80.7948717948718,5.438461538461539,25.134615384615394,6.6274283507984215,1.063276923076923,304,12,58,3,8,101,40,78,0.343,0.595,0.062,-0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,5,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,2,4,0,7,0,0,3,0,12,11,5,4,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,1,16,1,9,7,0,2,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,1,0,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726095104842816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837828899140261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470466063144608,0.0,0.0,0.3093191590600816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212395030420216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082333699245924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640893367099738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30006664713621306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400167378399688,0.0,0.15086918292829093,0.12992637454892675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952285500088862,0.0,0.14338116365733056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645349675308155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248842813460146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway4733894,2019/04/13,Ye I want to die so bad. My father is such a dick. He is super religious and constantly annoys me and my mom. I cant open the fridge when hes in the livind room or hell yell. I can't turn the faucet on very hard or hell yell. He thinks the black hole picture was faked and is just a picture of the womans asshole. On top of all that constant shit I lost my girlfriend to another guy last night. She's off to college and moving away soon. I keep looking at my phone and hoping for a text. I feel so alone. Being 19 is ass. I'd rather just shoot myself then dealing with all this,0.7534408602150542,2.579243483870968,2.3335483870967764,96.73698924731184,81.90322580645163,5.101075268817205,19.204301075268816,5.985473137389443,-0.2975086021505371,448,11,105,3,12,146,88,124,0.277,0.655,0.068,-0.9849,0,1,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,3,8,9,4,0,8,0,9,3,3,0,2,19,17,11,1,3,5,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,2,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,6,15,2,13,14,2,17,2,1,2,2,12,9,5,3,7,64,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142162618812402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405266810471385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917909444986407,0.0,0.17044365820237306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411934314463202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045355461266915,0.0,0.0,0.21185922993627487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321646251562999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212510359920516,0.0,0.0,0.1828642843703769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027514728401692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814439925077099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639674328570755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142144411527596,0.0,0.2228367605737012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907968726103404,0.0,0.21696251165282893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156626201314966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954098004327726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080105092976171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203955759778995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843222004719674,0.1204037304405394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hullomynameis,2019/04/13,"I don't want to live if this is my life. Will try to keep it short. I've always lived a very happy life, big open family, never needed or wanted for anything. Found it easy to make meaningful friendships, and I've always been very outgoing. 

This semester, I was recovering from the end of my first real thing that I've had with a guy, I'd liked him for a year and then became part of a very close friend group with him and three other people. We would all spend all our time together and eventually, we started hooking up. Long story short it ended because he's emotionally unavailable. But we stayed friends. The friend group also started to drift apart and suddenly, I couldn't bare to spend any time alone, I started getting the worst anxiety of my life. When I say I couldn't spend time alone, I genuinely mean I was only alone when I was asleep and even then, I share the room with someone.

I first got depressed when I was fourteen. I don't know why. I  self-harmed from ages 14 - 16 and then in 11th grade, it just got better. I was very bipolar from then on but I stopped cutting. I always tried to deal with it on my own, even though I have always been very open and felt very supported by friends and family. But throughout it all, I always felt so grateful to be alive. Sounds odd but I loved life, even when I wanted to die. I knew it would be okay somehow.

This last semester, I've lost that. It feels like I am asleep all the time. I can't focus in conversations. I can't focus in school. I had to drop a class. But worst of all, I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like the people I need, I am becoming a burden. I get ridiculously jealous and anxious when friends hang out with each other. I feel like I am becoming this crazy, toxic, super unhealthy friend and I Hate it. I can't see it ever getting better. I fucking hate myself for being this way. I don't want to live a life where I feel so much anxiety over all the people around me, where I need so much from them. I am at the verge of tears all the time. But I can't kill myself because it would destroy my parents. 

I go to therapy. I recently started taking Wellbutrin but decided to stop because I've had three insane depressive episodes since I started and we're gonna find out if it's the meds or just me. I am doing what I'm supposed to do.

But it's not getting better. I genuinely don't know how I am going to get through this. I've gone through a lot of shit because of my mental health, but this is the worst of it all. I feel trapped in my own mind, imprisoned. I hate myself. I hate how much of a toxic energy I have become in people's lives. I want to push everyone away but that makes the anxiety and depression so much worse. 

I always thought it would get better but it's gotten worse. I won't ever kill myself but I wish I could.",2.319583333333334,4.088619958333337,3.652799999999999,89.39220000000002,76.84722222222223,6.760777777777778,23.325555555555553,7.627320914984058,0.9725328888888892,2200,68,467,31,50,720,239,576,0.213,0.633,0.153,-0.9912,1,4,0,0,0,2,68.0,4,0,1,8,25,42,13,0,21,1,42,12,3,4,11,102,98,46,3,18,19,1,8,5,6,7,7,2,1,1,30,28,0,3,17,0,3,6,13,21,0,4,20,11,77,21,53,65,20,68,0,4,1,2,23,25,2,6,39,305,107,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520844984038066,0.0,0.04252110963201248,0.2654569375520709,0.0,0.0,0.03615834153357116,0.0,0.12202781235052845,0.06006849122628447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375549081183791,0.047333774756112335,0.0,0.0,0.04995623390934318,0.0,0.0,0.1296510465195062,0.17617073686714088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881029536982572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245299662976888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481732742266016,0.1373892183257941,0.0,0.05518346694739218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059810612429789176,0.09418806856215507,0.0,0.0,0.1053575262248978,0.09619306094390777,0.0,0.10161500765725813,0.0,0.0,0.10025043388509933,0.0,0.16131019401999894,0.15194249314021174,0.10210566935613656,0.0,0.04859765090240735,0.09045504682087037,0.0,0.05829964115923372,0.2464803201100487,0.04915605656916006,0.16667901582012135,0.0,0.06043700742996967,0.0,0.08505197227516496,0.0,0.0,0.05264799639392608,0.0,0.05660189112141813,0.0,0.2624785016585523,0.0,0.05651865897427823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726113923081759,0.1176524422524242,0.0,0.05844316715802422,0.043341747187613695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778248593526448,0.12988417986222475,0.0,0.18780510586938845,0.04705497181885352,0.0,0.0,0.0580428099143076,0.045204380607427694,0.04798921960219837,0.0,0.0709845784274271,0.0,0.0,0.057919188202229514,0.05906138357066657,0.0,0.0535842150766449,0.0,0.0536879063641875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634824180505394,0.11827764756768465,0.0410090232682499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404392079029791,0.0,0.0,0.05904049211333025,0.057579390874635414,0.0,0.14744927762822674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052063734191901,0.0,0.0,0.05250029379086876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042283991907633586,0.0,0.053812245195855486,0.04237068207852592,0.0,0.055469314613142216,0.0,0.05457962699959047,0.043983890433369234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045051912569458084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817477710156,0.056673584756367225,0.0,0.088907259427959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06033821822190705,0.0,0.0,0.039978238176349386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608060730077344,0.0,0.03532468250184381,0.0,0.05224058171312864,0.042212112848065565,0.1550232097899257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219971320173521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632315953563915,0.15680920017284025,0.042204942952830164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797887337959092,0.0,0.061144428769461835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837229704129517,0.1510856067964383,0.0,0.0,0.03424060630794732
suicidewatch,Hikkomori-frog,2019/04/13,"Please help me. I beg anyone who has time on their hands to help me. I am a dude with a fucked-up face and body, and I have a mental disorder. I have terrible character, I can never stand up for myself and can never make myself punch a person. I have nothing to offer to the world except my thoughts about existence and life which no one has ever cared about and no one ever will. If I somehow don’t kill myself this month, my entire life will be a longlasting attempt to survive while being manipulated or hurt by everyone surrounding me.

I will constantly be surrounded by people who are actually needed by someone, who know what they are good at, who know what they can offer to the world. While I have absolutely nothing.

Any crush I get can only bring me pain, and there are virtually zero people in the world who genuinely care for me, and by the time i become 40 there will be none.

I didn’t just lose the birth roulette, I failed at it miserably, and throughout my entire life everything about me just kept getting worse, and I never have had any willpower to improve.

And now here I am, looking for help on reddit, from people who don’t even know who I am and can’t fully understand my situation, and are not obligated to help me. My parents will never get the situation too, just trust me on this one, don’t consider it a typical “parents don’t get me” edgy teenager line. But i guess it really shows what a hole I am in.",8.222749590834699,6.312946304964541,8.645177304964541,71.7173076923077,62.90070921985816,11.939334424440807,35.167484997272226,10.727762888450028,3.550003491543917,1126,38,218,23,13,377,140,282,0.115,0.775,0.11,-0.5475,3,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,3,4,15,11,1,1,13,0,35,7,3,2,6,38,52,17,1,2,8,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,16,13,0,1,5,1,0,1,14,7,0,4,4,2,38,4,28,39,1,29,0,4,1,0,19,13,0,4,14,171,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.1052089718619482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663173068897292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538466570192137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906989714298995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975484110369795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984306351485694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650648429628464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356190640464795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120881727536389,0.1950442748235469,0.0,0.10301899786335003,0.09689448482922594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225309306443599,0.0,0.0,0.09042760074812577,0.0,0.0,0.11876708629966247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890564768591644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541498890802585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927801784852468,0.0,0.17775198717361487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845243784370614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053493711994567,0.12061406443516587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196535533423823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864915066698567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605451957146742,0.0,0.0,0.07994124098385279,0.3326050809108529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689706687203346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191686290415707,0.08199589349251019,0.11471958231953415,0.0,0.2394249617690153,0.0,0.0,0.22422982343567946,0.09413729057177443,0.0,0.11834521408349595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690671357157381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423704377744623,0.0,0.0,0.09134876809510972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559069498808906,0.12573210265936385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223610692113573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986965109524427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Esteri_lilla,2019/04/13,"I want to die I managed a year if holding it off but it's back and worse.

I've been wanting to die since I was 11

I'm now 24.

I've really tried. I have no one and those who were around me have drifted on happily so I think now is the right time. it won't affect them that much. My best friends suicide was horrible but now the first year and a bit of grief is over with its not so bad so I know it won't be too rough for people. I did all I could to love them and I'm happy with that and want to leave that goodness for them.",-1.0112778130959938,0.7008903388429779,1.302809917355372,102.3000890019072,87.7603305785124,4.714812460267005,16.74570883661793,5.873414542411696,-0.8199935155753337,405,9,109,3,13,136,77,121,0.204,0.5579999999999999,0.238,0.7528,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,3,2,9,7,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,1,1,21,21,11,4,5,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,5,1,13,5,13,12,4,14,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,1,8,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373326901173666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006555529217752,0.16294997233817382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480778153446869,0.0,0.21306355184547354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558189246861527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050893535353861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660025115656995,0.0,0.0,0.15077969159941956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369047071103782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077508423411872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725451893578128,0.0,0.0,0.2066456577034821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613900521921536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346463647251095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224508061734722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529897598364996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502412827984516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666508699235025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143789731995808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347274089770574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505028263065052,0.0,0.0,0.11379903313550185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325004424523265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34533026487973495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888413223227955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513525488923911
suicidewatch,fandrus,2019/04/13,"Considering Suicide Today. I already have a plan of sorts. Doing research on hanging so I don’t fail. Can’t afford to go back to those useless hospitals. I promised a friend that I’d at least call a hotline if it get that far.

My emotions are shit. My behaviors are shit. I’m so unstable and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried so many different meds for 3 years and I still hurt myself or others. Yesterday was awful.

My ex recently got a girlfriend and I couldn’t be more jealous. We almost never really broke up, so we were still very affectionate and would hook up. (The reason for breaking up was because of his parents) And now this random girl comes in and takes it all away. I can’t handle that. He is the only friend in my group who cares to listen and can tolerate it more than others. But I went off yesterday. I went off and threatened him and his girlfriend because I couldn’t handle it and now he doesn’t want to talk to me at all.

I also just want to die because I see no point in life. I don’t enjoy the things I used to. I don’t enjoy anything, really. Not even my pets sometimes. 

So... we will see what happens today. How far will I get? 

P.S. I’ve been going to therapy 1-2 times a week for years as well.",0.6025386912842805,2.8589874645669298,2.7384604941623683,91.02925196850391,85.77165354330708,5.550692370350259,20.963345099103986,6.953978226594392,0.5621972848221564,952,31,202,13,29,321,146,254,0.151,0.74,0.108,-0.937,3,0,0,0,0,5,34.0,3,0,0,2,15,15,3,0,8,1,24,3,2,3,3,34,43,21,2,6,5,2,0,0,4,3,1,1,1,1,15,14,0,0,2,0,0,6,12,7,1,0,7,3,29,8,28,30,5,37,0,4,2,0,20,15,2,5,15,140,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807186171244053,0.0,0.14113916287379216,0.10228037534693762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524955868872632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120164840461272,0.09834604324427997,0.0,0.2338971951267271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059865705231405,0.0,0.1304010333981272,0.0,0.0,0.110173223261865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273843888766518,0.1336266990713379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386858532128854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447574566425503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762811048177534,0.0,0.13364336324614168,0.0,0.14537531730190628,0.0,0.10229210530470212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310021132318493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691797760289912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028966465266283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033848510190384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296689932602385,0.0,0.0,0.14206638849258388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098643199314114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727256411802608,0.0,0.0,0.14201613613284078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090541243429966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387009400589606,0.13150094802937934,0.1262843279779294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383707312448548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26257192176429833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649487585580452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20427979686167366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990018806730867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616374647259554,0.10279996065113456,0.0,0.0,0.14626306849532744,0.0,0.08497007290185772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745786373969104,0.0,0.24246562535631536,0.0,0.0,0.08683467847056303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110463229641276,0.0,0.10552964793732847,0.15087568495114176,0.0,0.10259245305966062,0.0,0.11499610149195676,0.237126361099263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908554169117068,0.0,0.0,0.16472486704095546
suicidewatch,soundofpolicewhoop,2019/04/13,"GF overdosed in January and I dont want to live anymore Title says it all. My girlfriend had a secret habit she kept from me. She would use heroin when she would go back to see her family out of state. She went in January of this year for a week to see her son and mom and she never came back to me because she overdosed when she was there, the night before she was to fly back. I love her and will always love her and all I want is for her to be back. Sometimes I get really angry, like full of rage, that she's gone and I feel so cheated in life. I can't even imagine living and feeling this way for the rest of my life. I don't want to live anymore. I am 32 years old. I feel like my life is over. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. She was  my sunshine, and she's gone.",0.9530966469428002,2.4831087278106523,2.698674556213017,95.78158185404342,80.06508875739644,5.453412228796845,20.73412228796845,6.079149491110277,-0.07221925049309652,601,16,143,4,15,199,91,169,0.104,0.79,0.106,0.3305,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,0,4,0,15,5,0,1,3,25,34,11,0,5,0,2,3,2,2,3,3,1,0,0,4,10,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,2,0,0,9,8,32,5,22,21,4,26,0,0,4,2,24,7,0,0,15,99,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478496316204486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746701520331193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873337092197828,0.0,0.07676657610880191,0.0,0.107158295194278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403190465067758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475905927792735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317646248860648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871685990013252,0.0,0.19102400819416107,0.08996537457223144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579392760896051,0.0,0.0715696827015271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684708936054474,0.12304738352849535,0.0,0.3335990415898786,0.0,0.1057506091155202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273159023634977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474892635836183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971260129518845,0.0,0.0,0.11817803191677015,0.0,0.1208345172700838,0.0,0.1321437575658587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067484116244543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014565620873576,0.0,0.0,0.2007019474431249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454931547379365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876424474718416,0.0,0.0,0.2228327015838029,0.09995843619723123,0.1010145250146249,0.0,0.0,0.11673961397998235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891602180532054,0.0,0.0,0.16219130848311936
suicidewatch,lilotterman,2019/04/13,Why do i want to die I keep hanging out with all my friends and they’re all getting girlfriends and doing cool shit and I just feel like i cant keep living. Ive always been depressed and started using pot more or less because of it but i feel like it stopped working and if i stop smoking ill end up doing something to myself i wont be able to come back from. Help,0.3544871794871796,2.5708808589743626,1.85923076923077,97.16910256410259,86.56410256410255,3.466666666666667,22.76923076923077,3.1291,-0.2379846153846157,289,11,63,0,9,93,58,78,0.187,0.654,0.159,-0.5187,0,0,1,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,0,1,8,2,1,1,2,22,17,8,1,2,4,0,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,3,10,4,8,14,4,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,2,7,41,12,1,0.21007363330068715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479809155406367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153365693671115,0.0,0.1280589370271292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809598338978308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809361125379716,0.0,0.21802326501673272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606288594659756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243908200651648,0.30015329120941514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230236797793235,0.0,0.10975480293014292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080792823931007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734461951561087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052627320032565,0.0,0.18549886693188367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156375657439276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172494618400268,0.0,0.0,0.14869119889328308,0.0,0.0,0.35126192782799315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143617020436506,0.0,0.0,0.12390687174090527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18955877919042471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293610700779747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tartarusend,2019/04/13,"My Hatred For Myself Derogating myself with a bitterness is once a way of venting my emotions. The thoughts slamming in my head are like the blood vessels and bones that have already begun to rot in a dying animal. I used to be so happy to tear open the skin of the poor animal which still perceives pain. I peeled off its subcutaneous fat with morbid interest and patience, carefully cut along the muscle texture, and then looked at the exposure with satisfaction. The necrotic organs of the decaying larvae that are squatting on the outside are covered.

In short, I hate myself. My approach is to take away self-disgust from the consciousness of chaos and use words to visualize it. In this process, I strengthen my hatred and repeatedly torture myself mentally.

I still hate myself today, but I have lost interest in the way I am tormenting animals with such elaborate techniques. Maybe it's a drug effect, I am getting numb.

But I can't stop the internal decay.

Now I am more like sitting not far away, smelling the disgusting rancidity around me, cold eyes squinting at this still, unmoving, pathetic and pathetic beast. I often imagine that how it will swallow the last breath. There may be a swollen tongue sticking out of the lips. It may be break into a flesh mash that looks totally different from the original body. And there may be dirty blood pool coming out of the body to soak the floor.

But all the time, I can hear the sound of the carnal larvae inside its body. Sometimes the sound was too loud and disturbing, so I stood up and kicked it.

Its small, stiff body was kicked a few turns. From the edge of the eye socket, a few chubby locusts climbed out.",6.680570032573294,7.78296125081433,6.462949511400652,76.06647638436482,65.15635179153094,9.788208469055377,33.591042345276875,9.888512548439397,3.3830183713355044,1332,56,229,28,20,418,181,307,0.182,0.747,0.071,-0.9903,1,0,1,1,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,13,19,6,1,32,0,22,21,15,5,2,43,37,16,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,4,6,4,0,0,15,21,2,2,5,1,1,3,2,13,0,0,5,13,24,6,40,24,5,43,0,1,4,0,1,22,0,4,16,164,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479625944118034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873995956396776,0.0,0.0,0.2295290786868255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5427272592864097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454070983154394,0.0,0.0,0.10522195316942097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267730705057301,0.12762141158790502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165595239994375,0.0,0.0,0.13740301952722606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381866343088505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003161872257646,0.0,0.2411969195681029,0.1253617884821873,0.0,0.13767263945345906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956906798362256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935325706846245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20515153224673388,0.0,0.13334184386479433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227167276054554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309910652010475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008643609126186,0.0,0.0,0.12997688428488893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742974882423036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208100980383886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29264895655836703,0.10212339756286844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184207313137507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697395713439387,0.07122701559674867,0.0,0.11578451606066187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286481074661027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109978528744841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939149714442616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whocaresidontmatter,2019/04/13,"I find it alienating that most people go through life without depression i know everyone has experienced sadness, but long term clinical depression is completely different. I tried telling my friend i have depression and she asked if thats something that makes you have trouble sleeping. She didnt know what it was, couldnt relate to my experiences at all. I dont hate her for it, I just feel much more alone in the world after that experience.",5.347195767195768,7.847532432098769,5.530264550264549,76.02333333333334,70.35802469135803,10.060670194003528,33.79365079365079,10.290406445055957,4.066779894179893,361,18,62,11,7,114,63,81,0.094,0.7020000000000001,0.204,0.8968,1,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,0,8,3,1,1,1,13,15,3,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,2,2,12,1,7,12,5,7,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,44,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707464653874066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788787603127046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950693584705345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916685254165208,0.0,0.0,0.1988040700802583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230089517267355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818224951850268,0.0,0.3722643909416708,0.0,0.0,0.09621223823691112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391419537181774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701131210714466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814158012463804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786396696423932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914789506348205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440172246981366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683934801407055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270146356025013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398790793711873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191750012961295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904193040047695,0.0,0.0,0.14648829117638162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631475424424808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918890928258614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342494662908887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnHonestLiar,2019/04/13,"Pretty sure I’m off this time Not sure what I’m accomplishing in doing this post. I know I don’t want to tell people I know as I think they would try to stop me. But I don’t want to not post anything and people act ‘so surprised’.

I’m on the bus home now and I think I’ve just had enough and going to try and kill myself tonight. I tried 3 years ago but realised life had more to offer etc and that dying makes that impossible and would only hurt others.

Now I’m in a new relationship (18 months), steady career and some family who care. But it’s the same shit again, nothing has changed. I have; I’m genuine, honest, try to live my life by a good moral standpoint and I’m ambitious. But everyone just hurts, and I’m fully aware you can’t control people (nor should you try!) but it just hurts so much.

I have spoken to people about my past so that sometimes it can help resolve situations easier (when I’m acting like an ass), and I’m incredibly open so that I’m not pushing people away anymore. But it just results in me getting hurt. And I can’t do this anymore.

I find relief in the idea of doing it, and if that’s the best I feel then I may as well, we all die anyway.",2.8409491677912726,3.777062085020244,4.332516869095817,88.44135739991005,73.89878542510121,6.9463787674313995,23.03396311291048,7.1686216300943375,0.6446591992802517,913,23,203,9,18,305,136,247,0.118,0.698,0.184,0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,2,1,5,16,17,2,0,7,0,17,4,2,3,3,51,38,28,3,6,14,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,16,14,0,2,8,0,0,4,8,6,1,0,2,1,22,11,19,32,8,27,1,4,0,1,9,8,2,3,14,127,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981408093410326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096446085507752,0.0,0.0,0.08337774018960893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519349033602098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632910590301743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330250899465447,0.0,0.10718314243304156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363901342315667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030836059810493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469066113383864,0.11299860063963912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968156173158478,0.0,0.0,0.09551549388752338,0.0,0.05123044444399998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260465910874867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293552656005525,0.0,0.057582500045573276,0.08498242237255756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791267102836979,0.0,0.10163223723378444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43386069095542973,0.11437796541300373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209558595719876,0.0,0.11136566215459504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313064745907006,0.04949984197349303,0.0,0.08946743044660031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763189748050655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087267016692952,0.0,0.07448186983196349,0.0,0.0,0.09785550287231272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721928802211892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705843786572178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672141992467748,0.3512127087689331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407313588558808,0.10307888153270553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877977928714434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040035404742034,0.0,0.1138879431897232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002080866259425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470807023319908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909858321201559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855815989382812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984355033208472,0.0,0.0,0.05908051615650814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34394820040905044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952234116239617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910988624795183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394966478646742,0.0,0.0,0.06524676843314785
suicidewatch,5pider_Nipples,2019/04/13,The only thing I can find peace in anymore is knowing it'll all be over soon. I know part of me wants to live. I think everyone who wants to die has a scenario in their heads where they'd like to live but I don't have any more will to fight for that reality and the only time the pain stops for me is thinking through my plan,2.6525352112676046,3.3161742535211296,3.5761690140845097,94.71495774647889,74.07042253521126,6.806760563380282,24.059154929577463,6.742157984588678,0.4214935211267599,256,7,63,2,5,82,56,71,0.171,0.775,0.054000000000000006,-0.8623,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,2,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,10,2,1,0,1,11,16,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,11,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559148229037353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227379134698603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379511922118575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908203268301768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095531435519921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353022365723868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25200702440726097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201215565937277,0.0,0.40490794903931776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487478502135605,0.24396470364085746,0.0,0.0,0.2482824197782579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916841179745006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232008390905022,0.29382025055658484,0.0,0.0,0.13369206260704122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704646024976034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hongwong,2019/04/13,"Do I need to kill myself? I am a Chinese. When I was 17, I wanted to be doctor, specialising in neurology, since my beloved grandma died by Alzheimer's disease. However, I can not continue to pursue medical career when I was in second year of my college due to financial and major reasons. So, I have applied for master degree in a major closed to computer science, since I was good at mathematic. However, I have an extension of my master graduation because my failed thesis. The reason why my thesis was failed was that I was dealing with house problems and my girlfriend's money issues with other people. and my pride not allowed me to extent my thesis deadline. So, basically, still my fail. The fail of my thesis was one of my nightmare in my life during that time. This failure totally ended my academic potential career. I can not apply for Phd position with such result. Then I listened into my girlfriend's advice to find a job at first. I actually found a job which other people would see as a good one. However, after working for a while, I found such works were just wasting time, no meaningful contribution, and corporations with people good at sucking boss's dick, which made the exception of this job be 100% following boss mind without any professional skills.
I hate that. I want to quit my job and apply for another master to have a new beginning. However, I am going to 30 and further study would cost a lot on my family. I can not guarantee that a further study would totally change my life, probably worse again. I also can break up with my girlfriend and go back home to look for a low payment job, buy a house with my savings. However, I don't the difference between me getting rest of my life in that life and a walking dead.
So, basically, I am in struggling now. Every morning, I want to put a gun in my mouth and try to kill myself. Every night, I sleep with alcohol. Every weekend, I would use tinder to cheat with other girls to get a release. I know my life is immoral and I hate that. But, I can not find other way to drive away the pressure from myself and my horrible thoughts. Sometimes, I would want to use an AK47 to kill as many people as I can to release my suffers. I know that mind is evil. But I don't know how long I can suppress the demon inside me.
Currently, I have to say that I am in suffering. I don't see more failure in my life. I don't see my life without my love and living in meaningless. I don't want to do any harmful and regretful things. I don't know how to deal with my life. I can only thinks of suicide. I want to go travel the Thailand and Italy to say goodbye to my best mates, and I kill myself in the end. To end up all my suffers. Am I wrong？",4.150832369385,5.450136505639101,5.677744360902256,78.65214092924622,71.16165413533834,8.463929053402737,30.18237902448429,8.914623046629139,2.578166705224599,2119,88,395,40,39,719,233,532,0.207,0.7440000000000001,0.049,-0.9983,12,0,1,1,0,4,66.0,0,0,0,14,15,29,9,2,24,0,42,16,3,11,3,81,76,30,7,14,11,0,0,0,4,5,12,3,1,1,17,26,1,1,13,2,3,8,14,22,0,4,12,7,79,7,76,57,10,57,1,9,4,2,11,23,2,1,24,289,96,22,0.0,0.0,0.06393278351122175,0.0,0.0,0.06402009336724271,0.0,0.07001516616969038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523919892530272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910432758828676,0.0686977537743025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155310839135661,0.0503766712162964,0.0,0.039937082396714785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875351410796941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693057430777991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508531898920514,0.0,0.0,0.06799379490030769,0.06844879633962597,0.0,0.06705695294004575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407942732131848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655965882322483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176131926205865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975828598247185,0.05572667178649093,0.0,0.1436667198717859,0.0,0.0,0.06845733237857059,0.0,0.11170034382306762,0.16485157453078636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936417658952526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571646960758651,0.0,0.0,0.15119006784193945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068380204600607,0.3250655783772617,0.0,0.2899287221536075,0.0,0.14402040831741858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701991060974662,0.0,0.0,0.057850578063024474,0.05797834532471473,0.05501575039328952,0.0,0.0,0.055698156597283804,0.05912947003073174,0.06199148357312029,0.0,0.06642150537966987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599905101963763,0.0,0.0,0.13230210771039635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048578233994581575,0.0,0.06327439359276196,0.0,0.0614809991193614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878875546439252,0.04982679342541746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816782543005113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063580245242422,0.06268860906741938,0.0,0.06586025229270646,0.0,0.06968282456388078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471980783309498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419965371420996,0.0,0.0,0.15661992403158967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083886819903925,0.0,0.06556189797167586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479559890076947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05232003150889805,0.0,0.0,0.06849006806613132,0.0,0.0716623215827725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043524978581693866,0.04197910014276009,0.0,0.05201126174323573,0.07640416171236375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0444801021289567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316713143825376,0.0,0.0,0.23185319483890646,0.052002427423591464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059116722028895716,0.0,0.0,0.12630744240148262,0.0,0.09539079503227893,0.0,0.06676495828837434,0.232698404277022,0.07162991308628132,0.0,0.04218924419490054
suicidewatch,VivelaKosovo,2019/04/13,"I’m so tired of people thinking that things get better or you can just “get help” or that life can improve with “therapy and medication” I started going to therapy in 2017 so it’s been two years, a lot of the time going twice a week,and I’m not really any better.  I’ve been in the hospital five different times - twice Baker acted. I was forced to go to three months in a mental health rehab in Florida and then three months in a residential facility. I have tried around a dozen different meds.  I did well at the residential place and have been out for a month and totally degraded.  I go to therapy and my therapist admitted to me she doesn’t know how to deal with my body dysmorphic disorder.  I just completed a PHP program without any progress.

I get upset by literally everything. I have delusions. I think about suicide and dying everyday. I lie compulsively about my identity online. I post illicit pictures of myself online for men.  I wake up and start having panic attacks.",4.546935483870968,6.502176811827956,6.184709677419361,72.80706451612905,71.20430107526882,10.336344086021509,30.679569892473122,10.504223727775694,3.778978924731183,781,34,136,25,15,267,117,186,0.147,0.774,0.079,-0.9289,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,3,9,7,1,2,10,0,12,7,2,1,1,24,27,13,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,4,1,7,5,0,19,3,26,22,2,26,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,3,10,97,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576052879359282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084960095042706,0.0,0.1386522222757548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155798893853494,0.0,0.13537742270155498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778529178331413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564941857462228,0.0,0.0,0.12648866449489585,0.2546702047731484,0.13968113755557784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953482555930234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102647293354852,0.0,0.2770611119150144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954912201355906,0.0,0.0,0.08169131304366321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698018964373699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608504385607703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361512330864356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537742270155498,0.12277784809105692,0.12282294277584126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918422077313259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299592526451724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449388575799198,0.0,0.1273351023865742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672408886974928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807726802859424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252976345173865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331321431461424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41812952647174667,0.14150812123567333,0.08096939464901802,0.1561872027157933,0.0,0.0,0.14213444610671688,0.14007921797592854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274620828470403,0.0,0.11905572462864815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776205358083083,0.0,0.10958169631742427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748468907018762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848453174420271
suicidewatch,sheThrowsAway_log01,2019/04/13,"I constantly feel judged but then this little voice goes ""hey, no one cares about you!"" It's been six months since I started taking a masters degree in Coimbra. 

All I can say is that this has been quite challenging in MANY ways. My anxiety levels are off the roof and I've already been to the hospital twice this semester! I feel like I'm literally selling my soul for some future that is not certain. I hardly feel like I have some free will since I still live at the expense of my parents. I can't get job, neither Pizza Hut accepted me last year when I tried. I just published a book which, ""to my surprise"" (SARCASM)  turned out to be a failure! 

I've always been a social outcast but it seems like I keep finding more reasons to distrust people around me. On the streets all I see: people being loud and rude, making fun of each other, calling names, men and women referring to their ""mates"" as they are meat made toys, backstabbing, sugarcoating, cat-fishing, ghosting, flaking, stealing, insulting, littering, mistreating animals and so on, ... 

My hatred for human kind is getting harder to handle... I almost impossibly feel a meaningful connection with someone. It takes a lot and long until I can consider someone a friend. I have one ""friend"" here and there but they live far away and run on their own busy schedules. Seems like we are losing connection. 

I have a boyfriend, who I met this year,  (we had a class together), but I don't feel like he genuinely loves me back (at the least the same way), like, he is with me just for the sake of proving he has a girlfriend! His ex is abroad and they broke up in December, only two months before we started dating. They were together for a year! 

My mum says I'm aggressive and can be quite scary when I lose my temper. 

I get this feeling constantly - that people are either upfront bad or act ""good"", with interests in mind and are trying to manipulate me. It has happened before too many times! 

In my family things are not great either. My mother is always resentful. My dad acts like he owns everything here and treats me like a child, and my siblings don't make the effort to get along much. Neither in Lisbon or Coimbra I have someone I can safely count on for plans outside academic scope. 

These concerns people call dramas that I make, have resulted in scars along my arm. I carry with me the physical proof of all this burden, like an etiquette that says ""bitch is clearly borderline (referencing Studio Killers)""! I can't wear short sleeves and even with makeup I couldn't disguise it! And I'm almost completely (if not, COMPLETELY) sure people comment and talk shit. My sanity and social status were already at stake before I got into this mess, but now my expectations are down to hell! I feel so humiliated! I'm embarrassed to be seen around my block since people from here already know my face. 

I can't help feeling more judged than supported. I wish I was rich enough to start from scratch elsewhere... That or falling into a deep sleep and never wake up from a beautiful dream in which my soul is not attached to this ugly body!

Completely disappointed with the lack of helpful resources here. Fucking sucks ... 

Series and movie recommendations are very welcome.",4.953943096650448,6.85966116694491,5.277921358292192,79.92218733349912,70.05175292153591,8.169658650943061,29.60611657727418,8.780745627414401,2.483139352822078,2545,101,448,46,47,807,320,599,0.185,0.665,0.15,-0.9851,2,1,0,0,0,0,99.0,3,1,6,8,19,49,11,1,25,0,47,10,7,7,9,98,88,34,1,5,17,5,10,9,4,1,0,5,1,4,25,35,1,3,17,4,4,4,14,20,0,5,12,17,66,30,62,70,20,61,3,4,2,2,46,31,5,11,33,300,91,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616739640627468,0.0,0.22509103970047065,0.0,0.11314880305886595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052013336078835064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105375750885802,0.0,0.0,0.06388028270380552,0.05228129144206736,0.05677008942992904,0.0,0.0,0.1735673584239953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552326474847514,0.0,0.0,0.13885391269550154,0.0,0.0693218985384119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138634839486022,0.14694938388007533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025342810807013,0.0,0.04490776581513105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110640507708686,0.0,0.06409636552447942,0.0,0.2750284930259331,0.1457194926983244,0.0,0.0,0.062143028716302375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506017832947978,0.06285707597455452,0.14209107743795252,0.0,0.0,0.05702807142432278,0.05437903949398417,0.07496090434920323,0.0,0.0,0.060124687433124074,0.0,0.06090705800810922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114658174942893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747110450373756,0.06043399789598423,0.0,0.07080271803119717,0.03736636799859035,0.0554221735018302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989550545009824,0.06814537734218093,0.12007553729856812,0.0601703664824458,0.0,0.15213026607983013,0.0,0.057803969328297025,0.06136501243241424,0.06433523179205218,0.13615462724181918,0.13786548403984306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865206537673588,0.0,0.10854038474772076,0.0,0.04998159941797497,0.0,0.052439261224869735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921456437897928,0.05171062410045145,0.0,0.0,0.07549655032073904,0.0,0.0,0.2828206052258496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446347276059077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990661913825398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220878630323715,0.0,0.0,0.05418044831884504,0.12379387477452215,0.0,0.0,0.06979233080158219,0.16872989427479698,0.0,0.06804063493269187,0.13861760952953556,0.1728270139322408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437426945498852,0.0,0.05429812549206271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771559850739359,0.06408121450947872,0.0,0.10224234121970653,0.05464901815811097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045170552863031545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039646409234943114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923235746479666,0.07395526284023936,0.06641784746318463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610013476481298,0.0,0.10793702712728062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818690661598106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313529527588526
suicidewatch,silvertongs,2019/04/13,"I think I’m ready for it all to be over 22 , university, student debt, single, low ambition, handful of friends that don’t care / too busy for me. Losing the will to keep moving. Woke up to a rainy morning and I think this is my calling to finally make it happen . Nobody to call. Damn I wish I could hear the voice of someone I love. I don’t remember the last time that was. My heart really aches and it has for years, I’m ready for it to be done.",0.9286052009456256,2.7590207021276605,2.9195035460992886,92.73388888888887,81.34042553191489,6.305437352245864,21.08274231678487,7.3871296695380915,0.5321621749408982,342,10,79,5,9,115,64,94,0.131,0.691,0.177,0.7722,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,4,0,10,3,2,1,1,10,22,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,3,3,9,3,14,15,2,8,0,2,0,1,5,3,1,0,4,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224022431270341,0.0,0.21088152916989064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514049575169992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116634764224244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265770542705449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979980012164316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829030406565287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331174824045126,0.2450998453878344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384398233255694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859770064590462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23139486814660945,0.0,0.0,0.18667618648826065,0.0,0.13806361626791191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198323108296627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325034591699539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343031369953037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525017706442772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26506235631018976,0.0,0.0,0.12060684403972775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378494354003486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319461874142824
suicidewatch,iAmTheKetchup,2019/04/13,"I don't know what to do anymore I've always hurt everyone around me. In kindergarten and up until 7th grade it was pretty much only physical, i'd lash out at the slightest of things and was therefore never really able to find friends, the only ones i had in 2nd grade were scared away by me lashing out and i'd be bullied from 3rd to 6th grade because others found it funny to see me lash out but being too weak to actually change anything. When i was in 5th grade, my great grandpa died and i started seeing death only as people disappearing and not coming back anymore, so i'd wish that anyone that would hurt me would disappear and i started screaming at them to go die.",14.230298507462685,6.9231565820895575,12.885447761194033,62.34742537313436,57.80597014925373,15.191044776119403,47.67910447761193,10.125756701596842,4.966946268656715,538,19,101,6,4,175,90,134,0.226,0.6759999999999999,0.097,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,11,1,0,1,1,21,20,11,3,3,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,7,11,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,5,0,1,6,3,11,2,22,10,1,21,0,2,2,0,3,11,0,0,6,68,18,4,0.1497725267097864,0.0,0.14615638112203505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462274024950208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970682028352823,0.10472443306018256,0.0,0.1232500280358322,0.13332930239133034,0.0,0.0,0.14071621905393766,0.11516582813348193,0.0,0.09129994214395216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843947413061846,0.12901576999464745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108804733846303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311406763182766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688937605464613,0.0,0.0,0.16421784498439493,0.1157138826091648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511917843840408,0.0,0.0,0.1651247394410069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32066917502380604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231106378974193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010004017948624,0.0,0.11551380578198095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148974024200856,0.3417262667139764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383341190076124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237250385914747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594811575501896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994842726503205,0.0,0.2386986253465957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120195305603024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995022116751396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172231014216672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278821158182284,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FineSorbet,2019/04/13,"Apparently 5'6"" and UK size 12 obese. I would kill myself if I wasn't a coward I was looking at u/abinessalee profile and she is 5'10 and a UK size 6 (22 inch wiast) and considers UK size 12 fat and ugly because she did everything to lose weight at that size.  My metabolism sucks and I am too much of a coward to kill or starve myself.  

People on r/fatlogic consider UK size 12 huge because there is a thread called ""UK size 12 womens ideal size.  Average is size 16"" and there are comments going WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE A SIZE 6-8.  And ""I'm bi and I prefer size 0 women"" and ""FUCK BEING A SIZE 12""",3.6399399999999993,3.8493841440000014,5.607749999999999,82.68762500000003,71.56,8.81,26.025,8.841846274778883,1.7087800000000004,458,13,100,8,8,160,76,125,0.19,0.7290000000000001,0.081,-0.9466,1,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,4,0,6,0,12,5,1,0,0,16,17,12,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,10,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,2,11,1,6,11,1,6,0,1,1,2,7,5,2,2,0,53,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128160822036488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26199561874627125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059646065055145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720294506426706,0.0,0.0,0.14581963194189518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5677328033222966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21546155183006493,0.28704602137517754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886149235730519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787941782822594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124438279022053,0.0,0.0,0.2315224381453876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822662017167449,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkLordMango,2019/04/13,"What do you think about suicide? What do you think about suicide? Is is a better way out, it’s a cowardly thing to do ? It’s gonna resolve something?
I just want to hear your thoughts about it. Thank you.",-0.21142857142857352,2.091881190476194,0.9066666666666664,101.03000000000004,94.23809523809523,3.752380952380953,21.285714285714285,5.46131890053228,-0.19388571428571355,158,6,36,1,6,49,27,42,0.247,0.57,0.183,-0.7399,0,0,1,0,0,2,7.0,0,4,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,12,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,6,10,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556234220549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32575765654660005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250930577192465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6323035074449922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26609986129354396,0.0,0.0,0.19201859506383331,0.3703973255875205,0.0,0.22945742267714545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047729903135328,0.2294184484214027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RockstarFire,2019/04/13,"I don't even feel bad but I want to die Sometimes I have moments of extreme anger or sadness, at least once a day my eyes tear up like I'm about to cry and last week I had three times I locked myself in the bathroom stall to cry. But right now I don't feel angry or sad at all. But I still just want to die and I don't know why.",-1.0006578947368432,0.6584599868421073,1.0018421052631616,104.80039473684212,87.28947368421049,3.8,16.07894736842105,3.1291,-1.4021263157894737,253,5,69,0,8,83,52,76,0.35700000000000004,0.521,0.121,-0.9811,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,1,14,11,7,2,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,3,10,1,10,10,2,12,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,2,8,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869110585995105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4964759004587421,0.14574400117958308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690811357246119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926338990210347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285333307256515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419746684257972,0.18421093417741136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040665252242067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406705656833409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299309549783966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235085802086318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804748494868192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317758149941132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665879538857787,0.0,0.1812744853761856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039196308302031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ABannedIncel9,2019/04/13,"I keep a belt tied around my door knob at all times Just in case I ever work up the courage to do it. I keep it tied because I know this is an effective method. I've tried it before; Got light headed in just a few seconds and nearly passed out before I started hallucinating and pussied out.

It strangely calms me down that it's there and ready. All it takes is 20 seconds of courage. That's all I need. I just don't wanna wake up tomorrow and go to work. Have to deal with my coworkers and fucking management again and get embarassed as always. I can't even begin to list how many thing in my life currently are fucking terrible. Even in a fucking movies it wouldn't be believable to have this much of a shit life. Fuck I don't wanna go to work tomorrow",3.726164222873901,4.708429006451613,4.598357771260996,87.19208211143696,71.83870967741936,7.958944281524928,27.639296187683293,8.296473431620573,1.661387096774193,596,21,128,9,11,193,91,155,0.083,0.8240000000000001,0.093,0.1548,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,10,9,5,0,6,0,11,9,3,2,4,26,26,8,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,12,10,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,1,1,13,3,24,23,5,23,0,0,0,4,1,12,5,0,8,88,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795328875900014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368925341776225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373993732955002,0.0,0.26170274577874,0.17325199645187975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853548351884628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313414447258785,0.139098476201854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686507943727385,0.08034119747619893,0.0,0.17478798485497896,0.0,0.12298807861345068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578177238908247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27336493447916377,0.0,0.0,0.08451083078468423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723194912134167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590392131741707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304246885647826,0.11402236560492662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578480375364212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884288117087207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561981616964395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216141289413798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966755832948547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044032697371847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33585054083259736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,actuallykaylea,2019/04/13,"Do you think she’ll send me in? I just texted my therapist to see if she can see me today and I’m wondering if she’s going to tell me to go to the hospital?? I’ve been having pretty serious suicidal thoughts for a couple of weeks, but I just developed a plan as of Thursday night and spent all day yesterday fighting going through with it or self harming in other ways. I’m willing to go into the hospital at this point, anything to get relief that doesn’t involve hurting my mom, but I guess I’m wondering what you all think. I definitely don’t feel safe in my own head right now...",6.664249999999999,5.308259591666669,7.648333333333337,75.85000000000005,65.58333333333334,11.333333333333336,35.833333333333336,10.504223727775694,3.5735833333333344,461,19,94,10,6,157,81,120,0.127,0.765,0.108,-0.3591,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,0,8,1,1,0,2,21,26,8,1,2,7,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,6,0,1,5,2,4,0,0,3,3,15,2,17,21,3,20,0,1,2,0,11,7,0,6,7,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445210724555787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432123338942572,0.0,0.11326097966552205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879922574761195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175469438320642,0.0,0.3992377170374203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346626871690906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023775446147325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18800585207336745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568512622243926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648083583910454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601855711686406,0.0,0.0,0.17866963619727266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997932599526495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798943081678906,0.0,0.1832109453586196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921008075294693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535004452440616,0.0,0.0,0.20390945114561615,0.0,0.22506161839789735,0.0,0.13942341192451818,0.0,0.0,0.16646811942338655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939973030354694,0.1408725274172472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809068430256837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoralityBypass,2019/04/13,"Feelings are back and stronger than ever. Hello, almost three years ago i made a very serious attempt at suicide which was averted purely down to luck. This vost me my job, home and relationship. Since then i've been on my own, i do have my kids about three days a week, and i am struggling worse than ever. The rope is looking so good right now. I am totally isolated, live in a different country and have nobody other than the kids.",3.6903571428571422,5.602984464285715,4.401904761904763,84.87642857142858,73.40476190476191,7.180952380952381,27.47619047619048,7.957251820313856,1.7600904761904759,341,13,65,5,7,109,65,84,0.172,0.7240000000000001,0.104,-0.6464,2,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,1,4,13,12,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,2,8,2,9,9,2,14,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,9,48,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976044485855669,0.0,0.2232214097734392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141112907313458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376446269695178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329031510219525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032864145939321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271466144131305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697407508646627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360616496019609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212129403041346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968417655215917,0.0,0.18719601085251705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109315668469535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393318294830297,0.0,0.1903718057272276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184401091915656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330435817623781,0.0,0.24383745805204016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839317120130296,0.0,0.0,0.17881236126255434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271737414644591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435526764192132
suicidewatch,Tainted-Blight,2019/04/13,"I’m not even sure what to think at this point. My mind just keeps drifting toward actions that can’t be undone. I’ve tried so many things. I’ve spoken to friends, my brother doesn’t believe me, I’m too afraid to talk to my mother, and I’ve tried talking to others. It’s only temporary, though, and it barely helps...

Even then I can’t set aside the idea of just either running away to see I can go, or to just find some way to end it all. I don’t want to feel any pain, whether it be emotional, mental or physical, but I can’t help but think of how good it would be if every single sense just stopped.

But at the same time I’m afraid of just that. I’ve been close so many times, made failed attempts, and yet I still can’t just get rid of this conflict. I can’t help but want things to just end. Over time, even the slightest of things have driven me to the edge. I can hardly feel I can cope around others, and I can’t help but feel I’d either be a burden to others or cause pain for someone else.

Almost every time I’m with friends I feel I’d be the reason to lose them someday, and I can’t cope with having relationships anymore after losing someone in the past...and I’ve blamed myself for them ever since. If all I bring is burden and loss to others I might as well be gone myself...",3.903917259211376,3.9592941428571455,4.634113337642749,90.4407886231416,70.94139194139194,7.009609997845295,23.75113122171945,5.900188976854957,0.3602550743374269,1003,21,228,4,17,323,137,273,0.142,0.762,0.096,-0.9443,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,6,20,15,0,2,7,0,24,2,0,4,4,58,44,23,0,5,21,2,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,17,10,0,3,9,0,0,7,10,10,1,0,4,6,22,5,32,32,7,30,0,4,1,0,13,9,0,8,12,147,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779335403041997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320394550206483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067573273328871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582903752475397,0.0,0.0,0.1011383063903147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128179355408343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058356604912192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992561685449492,0.12108887263787567,0.19068734752580266,0.0,0.0,0.2133003417991128,0.09737326564710884,0.1813952093893573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217719105304353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838780312656782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633627866952175,0.0,0.056241340508318784,0.0,0.06117851663776835,0.09028955910081324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643095542828352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28861521963347364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152084842574458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956819841254642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24085988368841954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185860345744624,0.0,0.21827520128742375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848329303487897,0.11419691452213182,0.1086932200127316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187072321134686,0.22908891582142016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276165490222333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176161845751036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067948928620776,0.0,0.1155730566006041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578106655920477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890470685792859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241864049192613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596737866516742,0.08999807372054901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145643119605424,0.0,0.0,0.17304585729629632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145485127138785,0.13795225629334296,0.10576305589606327,0.0,0.2510803343229792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617108103748075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698648949943975,0.08544552135966271,0.0,0.0,0.09678796977335193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646964750722987,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShyDeadpan,2019/04/13,Anyone out there that cares? Everything can be so cruel.,2.265000000000001,4.741069500000002,2.8800000000000026,83.32000000000005,104.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,0.9039999999999996,45,1,7,1,2,14,10,10,0.307,0.504,0.189,-0.4341,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574725601530705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6670598599966489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880051019236537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,stoicable,2019/04/13,"Nobody cares about me I’m so fucking lonely. I feel like I’m slowly going insane. It’s so obvious that I self harm and that want I want to kill myself so badly. I fantasize about my death almost everyday and imagine how everyone would react. So what if I hurt people, if they cared about me they would listen to me. Everyone just thinks I’m joking about my suicide or they don’t take me seriously, not even my own mom takes me seriously. I’m honestly so done, I’m so worthless and I deserve to die. Sadly I haven’t been successful in killing myself, I’ve only been able to cut my wrists but they never go deep enough to actually kill me. I’m so fucking lonely, nobody knows I’m suicidal and I’ve kept it to myself for several years. I just want my life to end already and the fact that people don’t take me seriously just makes me want to die even more. I feel so much better after saying this, even if it means other strangers know about my suicide thoughts. I’m just so fucking angry, people say if you’re depressed you should always tell someone you trusts but everyone I told could fucking care less. Until I find a way to end my life I guess I’ll just have to suffer until then.",1.7414107883817422,4.039437033195025,3.5928365145228227,86.47363651452282,81.15767634854771,6.179651452282157,21.67319502074689,7.404127859558343,0.9114138091286312,939,29,185,14,25,315,124,241,0.274,0.62,0.106,-0.9944,0,4,0,0,0,7,20.0,0,2,4,2,23,29,8,0,2,0,11,7,1,3,3,44,47,25,9,12,13,1,2,1,0,3,2,3,0,1,9,5,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,20,0,0,6,5,36,9,20,37,5,14,0,7,0,4,13,2,4,7,10,116,45,1,0.0933331165670564,0.0,0.09107965830552207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934596343011515,0.0,0.10299541500671383,0.0,0.07766062974387114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792925380660863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254555696829399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854779979987761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745188989939789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038767653685026,0.0,0.19373007919571586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551218281403707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533087708346791,0.09643805892847214,0.0,0.1849369297408626,0.0,0.0,0.2675513777479894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438405616535694,0.06667719712434357,0.0,0.0,0.08530477767031677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451398492657591,0.0,0.0,0.10608672201514698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028169503672156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991503164646516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097777950893404,0.0,0.10258687998677428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184788083897786,0.04559784631684602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230058005203781,0.0,0.0,0.1016671254822252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931061809555988,0.0,0.0,0.06861057972281731,0.0,0.07198425330063872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098404090055442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411629387679347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844448082223985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097366795775813,0.10543985550535613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908084678985576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062738428396622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105246646262599,0.0,0.08157725770324313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598040924700983,0.0,0.07409606914395485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918379258266315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020116131566694,0.07408348363194721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260233630260335,0.0,0.0,0.0601034670227569
suicidewatch,hdhdusiwiwiqkbev,2019/04/13,"I have decided to take my own life after thinking for a while. After accidently stumbling across bullets and planning to take my life before but didn't find any ammo after searching for 2 hours I have decided to take my life. I'm ordering an Uber up to a pathway next week where I'm going to walk with my revolver for a mile into a beautiful forest then play Russian roulette. I'll be calling the police to collect my body and have decided to go to the forest because I love the mountains and will die where the body is meant to be.

 I'll be writing a suicide note later and I just hope my family will be able to get through the pain I brought upon them after taking my own life.

I love you Mom, Dad, and my sister. I just hope you know that you didn't cause this and it was MY own decision. In my 17 years of being alive I do not want to live in a world with so many issues. I'll be taking my own life to my favorite band Rush and will die happy and be free of the burden and pain of life. Schizophrenia isnt a fun illness.",3.883687707641201,4.287838488372096,5.163006644518274,85.39912790697677,71.09302325581395,7.631229235880399,27.915282392026572,7.447530270364453,1.4559235880398664,805,27,170,8,14,269,115,215,0.136,0.677,0.187,0.9319,0,0,0,1,0,1,12.0,0,3,1,1,5,11,0,0,14,0,19,13,2,1,0,29,38,13,3,3,4,3,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,8,2,1,5,4,3,0,0,5,0,24,9,31,23,4,27,0,0,0,2,12,10,0,2,11,113,27,0,0.11798776318480725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023572493846746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192424531463389,0.0,0.10039889626088848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621156129222112,0.0,0.0,0.12047869803444723,0.0,0.0,0.12120593401597357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24490534064075326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122836248862132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783867802235764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164373649872287,0.0,0.13411032969399114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560016788376882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343769423511629,0.11619417991203546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314857058169786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484298899979135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5000294787007765,0.0,0.0,0.104185356528213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297712564824112,0.0,0.0,0.11962107295768888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818584223722544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548132468903195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510945975689347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905946273530233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44356057078336136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560179451175499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959223968393373,0.0,0.09464266671468843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598025111024713
suicidewatch,disposablexxx,2019/04/13,12 hours ago I took 200g/pills of acetaminophen Feeling nauseous.I hope to be in coffin next week. F.uck off all  Pro-Life redditors. Bye :),1.5657692307692308,4.297451346153848,1.468076923076925,96.11442307692309,93.23076923076924,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.3102615384615386,109,4,21,1,4,32,25,26,0.0,0.73,0.27,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616871095922068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630831136233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052581629751788,0.40181973044948094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43393629613085305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533277373740622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272908407039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Joguroa,2019/04/13,"I don't know what to do or what to think Hello. These past few years I've been rather lonely and depressed and what has kept me going was the thought in my head of ""It will eventually get better"". But it didn't got any better, I continue feeling like shit, fewer friends, currently failling college and really low prospects for the future and what is scarying me is that what if it will never gets better? Is it really worth to keep going?",8.379069767441859,6.615928883720933,8.025232558139539,75.81947674418608,62.48837209302327,10.925581395348836,34.2906976744186,9.516144504307137,2.9561953488372086,348,11,67,5,4,111,61,86,0.172,0.7090000000000001,0.119,-0.7346,1,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,1,9,1,0,2,0,11,2,2,0,1,15,22,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,4,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,6,1,5,5,6,14,1,10,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,2,7,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957036327131282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5835712989822911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943858616479695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121096495597617,0.15712898415314774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699292125251428,0.0,0.2298247088459888,0.0,0.2499999937203648,0.0,0.17591036881941918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257273577151408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549751076958,0.0,0.0,0.12087619857282215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745417594528048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963539386724916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099627000795099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28180521448046664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22577071545059985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093208328033735,0.0,0.17461201994767622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416375781326903
suicidewatch,Bebop_Bored,2019/04/13,"Im just trying to wait it out I few years ago while i was sick with a skin condition that left me in constant pain (but my life was in no ways good before that) i made the decision to end my life when my sister was older enough that my mothers grieving wouldn’t impact her development, she had no say in how my life turned out and i want none of my suffering to impact her since she all ready must deal with the fact she has autism, but as timr has gone by i have medicine to control my skin(after 4 years) i still believe this is the best course of action, im not looking to survive this frankly my life isnt something im trying to hold onto i just want to know what i can do so that i last long enough for this not to cause so much trouble?",3.849303797468352,4.022489246835448,4.388455696202532,91.74103797468356,71.08860759493672,7.332658227848103,25.92658227848101,6.742157984588678,0.7553675949367089,583,16,136,4,10,185,99,158,0.086,0.825,0.08800000000000001,0.0668,0,0,1,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,7,6,0,0,4,0,13,7,1,4,3,25,21,9,1,4,6,2,1,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,6,3,23,2,21,13,7,21,0,2,1,0,9,7,0,0,11,92,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778150635248056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266221248472142,0.16240924900459405,0.1512779864815265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808318205056034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557764378653881,0.16167803716963686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148613749602749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276753418580234,0.29789383227189303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090734360701802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671247010980729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079221832022623,0.11750261945866125,0.0,0.0,0.15662090298944867,0.0,0.4072735488090072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756944069040413,0.12105085903241684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639952714587486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596785519701092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338723844499424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463496819379923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924351636153295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109747797684881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511948330214418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573865789592476,0.1567953141750197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004844493940444,0.11442066074526315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856575331686848
suicidewatch,sweetmidnightmare,2019/04/13,"I'm a failure Unfit for society, I'll never be enough.

 I hate myself for not being able to go to work and being normal. I hate being depressed parasite, depending on the goverment to pay my lazy ass slug parasite life.

Whats the point anymore? I'm 21 years old, I feel like nothings ever gonna get better, suicide feels like its the only way out. I'm a fucking coward.",1.4695,3.778643333333335,4.114250000000002,82.26337500000002,82.33333333333334,6.416666666666668,24.041666666666664,7.6454224807358475,1.5739666666666667,290,11,53,5,8,102,56,75,0.249,0.593,0.158,-0.8358,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,0,5,0,4,3,1,1,2,9,15,1,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,2,5,3,7,10,1,9,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,1,6,28,7,2,0.20814962798153208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642849948416456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409143084956608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792789695758559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215074207607762,0.0,0.0,0.18828325530039314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049341220800385,0.2974042716405375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243097699050604,0.10874958956127544,0.0,0.11829623039196388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110093285623578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470222379591763,0.20338278837590326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053782511688908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039424410712828,0.1997251818747908,0.0,0.21841802003038774,0.0,0.0,0.15830717166141933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676867834806475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276819089601039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16521948612405654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515354082206598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340415359664839
suicidewatch,Wentz11Carson,2019/04/13,"My shits fucked Hey. Guys. I don't think I'm suicidal, so if you're in it for that; sorry. I'm in endless depression, adopted, institutes, shit jobs, searching for love yadayadayada. Too much of a pussy to kill myself. I'm 22 and have a relationship with a 51 y.o woman, probably something to do with abandonment issues, but anytime I try to leave her I literally turn suicidal. I found a couple of gay men that fkn praise the ground I walk on, only problem is that try as I might, I'm not gay. I keep tearing their hearts out of their chest because I crave the positive attention they give me, all the meanwhile, I'm with a woman I can never love in a sexual way; but I'm torn to leave. My shit is fucked.",3.8353846153846183,4.744966979020983,5.417769230769231,81.68973076923079,71.51748251748252,9.076643356643356,28.28601398601399,9.3871,2.346869090909091,550,20,114,12,10,187,92,143,0.21,0.632,0.159,-0.2892,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,3,1,2,12,6,0,9,0,7,11,5,0,2,18,22,6,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,1,0,17,3,18,20,2,9,1,2,0,6,14,6,5,2,1,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767072963853728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591329918637522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387109695283458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769011405013028,0.0,0.2659167024878953,0.0,0.1379642930626648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240342463161348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042621157919585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010967427757865,0.1427181693124982,0.1278329383724918,0.15911441878680158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045671177101851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596045314096706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256923515815068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572351558064186,0.0,0.1109220816401294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938083287512156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550612104833432,0.13761536314474926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440778697244487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428844209969464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071889523572237,0.0,0.16099359975485092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146292940653057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215341026984344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528732566418364,0.1564337771141557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141568307347452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1737292017,2019/04/13,"Only thing holding me back is not knowing if my life insurance still pays out in the case of suicide. And I’m afraid of what I’ll do if they will. I want to go to a hospital, but I have no idea what affect that will have on my life as a whole. My partner is supportive, but I have no idea how it would affect my career...

I just want to stop thinking about killing myself... my old plan just loops in my head and I think about writing a will. Even when I’m happy, the thoughts are there. What a relief it would be just to have the record stop skipping...

I’m going to seek professional help, in some capacity at least. Living like this is hell.",1.6767794486215557,3.457532360902257,3.0167105263157907,93.1748903508772,78.77443609022556,5.937092731829575,21.60964912280702,6.816661863887847,0.31715588972431075,496,14,112,5,12,161,83,133,0.172,0.6890000000000001,0.139,-0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,1,1,11,7,2,1,7,0,15,3,1,3,0,29,27,9,2,6,8,0,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,3,6,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,14,4,16,20,3,14,1,0,0,0,4,6,1,3,7,81,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142773722263702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214813851718987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090587632789924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579264196373847,0.0,0.0,0.1887611337100525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328171757849468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152601220281364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203486862768192,0.0,0.1010809168730056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25982473947321244,0.08985695078620988,0.0,0.16241002342823269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19299939226339452,0.0,0.0,0.13988400736047346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468835373411264,0.3075407352700385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118518633469892,0.20871703971356254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221922585365547,0.2357047022159125,0.0,0.14601669544335813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696863463590854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20534680524738455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613114997687384,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seehowlowicango,2019/04/13,"Nightmare I'm 39m and have lived a happy fulfilled life but right now I'm scaring myself. I'm in such a bad marriage that the past few weeks I've been randomly thinking about leaving everything. Ive never had thoughts like this and not only that but it's gone as far as thinking of the easiest way to do it. If it wasn't for my kids I would easily do it. I've worked so damn hard all my life and now I've lost control and feel like I'm on a downward spiral. I'm scared. I don't want it to get any worse otherwise my emotions will get the better of me. Ive hardly eaten, can't concentrate at work, getting snappy with friendly people and sleeping is sporadic. I'm ashamed of what I've become.",1.3590926640926642,3.25119687837838,3.282857142857144,90.35500000000003,80.21621621621622,5.850193050193052,24.760617760617762,6.868970318607317,0.9322725868725864,550,21,117,6,14,185,97,148,0.225,0.659,0.116,-0.9579,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,5,11,1,3,6,0,13,4,1,1,2,20,30,11,0,3,4,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,7,3,9,5,13,21,2,13,0,1,0,0,3,6,1,2,7,64,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246692535799434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808889655482642,0.0,0.18265385222479386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462688826142544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854924400572925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18603496173937126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14863665240376764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836232193406273,0.11815050352103378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777542049918594,0.0,0.2592192511592514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760545532201332,0.2963035118386326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511798523598324,0.0,0.0,0.2336314989404236,0.16159672974145312,0.0,0.1460372761016443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053638782464265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275544884887036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578213446372016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578779298340734,0.11465657852218795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123720076015156,0.0,0.0,0.3311568657962147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550363568375553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119430312820049,0.0,0.13129657897829314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754788446207713,0.13127427773221648,0.1326612271683889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408033305476701,0.0,0.16854062610838394,0.11748418858250168,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Grug_on_Drugs,2019/04/13,"My mother is driving me to suicide. She is overbearing, and even worse when she’s drunk (about half of my interactions with her are while she’s intoxicated). I’ve been struggling with depression for about 4 or 5 years, and she’s been nothing but dismissive. Reluctant to take me to psychologists, berating me for needing medication, guilt tripping me because of how much me sessions with my psychologist were. I’ve stopped being able to see my psychologist, and I’m not getting any more meds. I know there’s other ways out, but suicide seems like easiest option, and the one that would spite her the most.",7.1631660231660215,8.130515612612616,7.178069498069501,71.84270270270272,64.04504504504504,10.667181467181466,36.57786357786358,10.608840637214634,4.051629601029601,487,23,85,12,7,156,76,111,0.208,0.7190000000000001,0.073,-0.9397,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,2,2,0,8,3,0,1,0,20,15,10,2,2,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,1,2,1,0,2,1,4,0,2,3,1,16,1,14,10,3,8,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,4,5,60,18,1,0.22507851372464627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306110760387062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720577286330976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385979406026085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866223554910946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759423364806065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369726483140857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099619926509888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500114884293048,0.2267429231169699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545860545332813,0.16689286596733344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596890431988225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251902597753994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935843442513474,0.2049030255371352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817571582249595,0.0,0.23530093232968,0.0,0.4923987245874607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923103095428482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865684765217016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293742344807988,0.15988931833194736,0.0,0.0,0.1449431833497282
suicidewatch,Alexinatorre,2019/04/13,"Maybe when I’m gone they’ll see my soundcloud feed and playlists and realize how much pain I was in. I’m not saying it’s going to be soon. I’m kind of waiting till my body fails out honestly. My appetite is completely broken, I eat maybe 2 meals a day. Sometimes they’re healthy, sometimes it’s just fast food before work. No matter who I’ve met the last year and half, they’ve all let me down. My friends have been drifting and now I only have one friend who’s always baked. I just feel like no one who’s known me can be apart of me moving forward. I just have to put on a face and make new friends. I’m 24 and learning to stand on my own two feet the last few years has opened my eyes to my purpose. . It’s the people from the past who remind me who I was. I look in the mirror and barely recognize myself but at least I’m not the depressed Person I have been.... at least I try to believe. I want to believe I’ll be loved one day and that I’ll reciprocate that love but idk if ill even make it to meet that person. Thanks for reading, have a great night!",2.020521140609638,3.2807277876106227,3.1429498525073747,94.89199606686334,76.43362831858406,5.907177974434612,22.29006882989184,6.139981653823899,0.12243048180924275,824,22,193,5,18,265,130,226,0.064,0.767,0.16899999999999998,0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,8,13,0,0,9,0,17,13,4,3,1,29,35,14,0,2,8,0,1,1,3,1,2,1,1,2,12,10,5,1,4,1,0,6,4,3,0,5,6,5,23,10,20,24,6,31,0,2,3,2,16,11,0,1,16,114,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053155692256293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770091924526448,0.28519990072584994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405896554226135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327052161385837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325310251005698,0.0,0.1090137170033994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295117120331284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359764825813057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399710273829444,0.09042093777347864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304776916456378,0.0,0.29336074756245445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193209450627734,0.0,0.0,0.13954279847038464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180216406351072,0.0,0.2063412989717696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294254048417246,0.0,0.061835233066731374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628610497991887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284669758811427,0.0,0.16897161593735466,0.0,0.2543111981708963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345228446140741,0.09304279764714593,0.0,0.0,0.12224115443059197,0.0,0.1187764572864536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25729934382961284,0.09626144802112184,0.1346783679046727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082445731423384,0.08774702640204214,0.2210303837728616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272368301649188,0.0,0.0,0.126603277809155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065276992832377,0.0,0.0,0.10085912712006984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25036000700788114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652775445458452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593206073896341,0.0,0.1236395476262745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465369108062846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214375867311064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630126065887335
suicidewatch,vjetti,2019/04/13,"Compassion exists It did not occur to me until tonight how easy it would be to just walk into the cold. Hypothermia while drunk - SO easy right?

But this sweet girl heard me crying in an alley and came and hugged me. I didn't think that sort of thing happened. She was so sweet. 

Maybe I can let another human into my life one day...",1.6961038961038994,4.046023242424243,2.5689610389610387,93.4377272727273,81.72727272727272,5.58961038961039,17.004329004329005,6.868970318607317,-0.11187619047619046,258,5,54,3,7,81,55,66,0.07,0.696,0.234,0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,12,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,4,7,3,7,3,0,10,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330770820289725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632997352471005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489166541825936,0.2048538880206534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808912468052298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32481217180961164,0.22436111672912187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31911575897486943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152435702936061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712659571158537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110283388448578,0.20353323672982807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256449482876141,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,naradaelis,2019/04/13,"I just can’t do this anymore I feel so hopeless and I’m in constant pain. No matter how hard I try to look at life differently, I just see pain. I wake up and I just wait for my days to end so I can go back to sleep and stop feeling pain for a few hours. That’s all I can do. I am alone and hopeless and I just want the pain to stop. I just want it to end",-2.1467857142857127,-0.4935763928571415,0.7502857142857131,104.64471428571429,92.6904761904762,3.836190476190476,15.542857142857144,4.935628992294339,-1.3112342857142854,269,6,77,1,10,93,50,84,0.343,0.599,0.058,-0.9793,1,1,0,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,2,0,6,7,2,1,1,20,15,8,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,5,12,0,10,15,2,12,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,8,50,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984723774773225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626369394460648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261004553004045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772181185876486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057618854745936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133772785684395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904981547166462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583952516544267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320097228353608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469054710391258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16150002115720746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583306991012525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771277469883705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6980002415016501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068114832161518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411138300683448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742108973993095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134044776772553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934545807688702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,whompingwillow922,2019/04/13,"If I (26F) didn’t have my brothers I would swallow all of my pills right now. I really would much prefer to not exist. I have three brothers: one who is a year younger than me (Irish twins), one who is 14, and one who is just a baby (19 months?). 

Every time I’ve gotten to the point where I really can’t stand to be here anymore- I remember how hard that would be on my brothers. I literally don’t care about anyone else in the world.",2.3054945054945084,3.4396292197802225,3.873406593406596,90.44659340659344,75.48351648351648,6.958241758241758,21.791208791208792,7.447530270364453,0.5583802197802199,333,8,76,4,7,111,63,91,0.017,0.943,0.04,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,13,2,0,1,1,11,15,3,0,5,3,3,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,1,11,1,8,8,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679460291894945,0.15285171327328545,0.22398374649135955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287947155171325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261405455966456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841817483325615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958245978375063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448615880872728,0.0,0.1606977405475266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444391443973829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066496999975896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800842831026846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24763363373731664,0.1866850505208609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746867765473516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658661081404274,0.0,0.0,0.1407726241149622
suicidewatch,Kylmaren,2019/04/13,"I thought telling people you needed help was gonna help. but also I realize my mistake. She asked me what I wanted from her and told me she did everything for me and asked what I wanted from her. 

I just wanted her to understand. No filter <insert my name here> strikes again. 

I just want someone to tell me it’s okay. That I’m not failing and that I’ll get it done. Cause I will I’m just also. Having a hard time. 

TLDR: Told my mom I was suicidal and that’s why I’ve been falling behind in school. She got mad and turned it like I was accusing her of something.",-0.2769541375872393,2.0109776355932247,1.6170588235294119,95.83207876370888,94.67796610169492,4.471385842472583,19.653040877367896,6.2272716619740125,0.09386979062811562,443,15,96,5,17,145,73,118,0.2,0.687,0.113,-0.9177,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,1,0,21,25,8,1,6,5,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,10,1,24,2,8,13,0,4,0,1,0,0,18,1,0,0,3,63,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704472463599721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31615828670344104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370510544590986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730408624112203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196989889937085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834412139573433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523913121252196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514741283843127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266789675486552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261030601848744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19803969576098232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538032821597694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722780595752305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113115884809948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432719630685176,0.13017606425380635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849603137439928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29558949675762103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424096621176795,0.09859949698491773,0.0,0.0,0.32315124472978485,0.0,0.0,0.18392464427795088,0.0,0.1760317922297191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989417657033724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258014550019178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SymbolicTreasure,2019/04/13,"Would about 16 ibuprofen be enough to kill me? I have those, 6 xanax, 7 ritalin, and I'm gonna slit my wrists after taking them. Would that be the best way to go out or should I try something else?",0.8657142857142865,2.6608205714285766,1.9907142857142863,99.49178571428571,81.38095238095238,5.152380952380953,17.642857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.6129714285714285,152,3,37,1,4,48,37,42,0.117,0.7859999999999999,0.097,-0.2168,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,0,6,10,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561758274177152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28352233659998205,0.0,0.0,0.3506874485172779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928869280366126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375492088822745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612841096438496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25518402972176857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23042803535142145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939724980807106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821952608967417,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FilipsMasolovs,2019/04/13,"Help I have no friends to talk to, none at all! My wife stoped loving me ages ago and recently finally pulled herself together and left me, she is so beautiful, her future is still bright and shiny! I can’t work, I am almost out of money, I eat at the most a couple of sandwiches a day. I can’t even afford professional help if I wanted to. To be frank the only reason I am still alive is because I am a huge coward and I am afraid that commiting suicide will be painful or something might go wrong and I won’t die at all... I just wan’t to fall asleep and never wake up again, just to siece any existance. I need some sort of final exit foundation in my area, but there is none. Please, kill me",2.8230769230769246,4.085766692307693,4.2506293706293725,87.74209790209792,74.38461538461539,7.717482517482518,23.48951048951049,8.296473431620573,1.201467132867133,539,15,117,9,11,179,97,143,0.104,0.7440000000000001,0.152,0.7931,1,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,1,5,0,16,6,2,1,4,24,20,10,3,3,5,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,0,1,3,7,4,0,0,0,2,20,3,15,15,6,24,0,0,2,1,9,10,0,7,11,82,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710370458895634,0.0,0.1774702476082727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052247980415988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803776509790672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961016278202154,0.0,0.11429869033617307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393676254525196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18135053902170395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705874576564025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3882936116339252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369274610074199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072389521294199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375870708940636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196078739979165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925609172882651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599569976115582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801302620775806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141380186574353,0.13669070452379864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347914038938406,0.188585219287567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454532258848595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822219611353523,0.17499324719436354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644031531042125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830722193436134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938608581523997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245076339907206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453484789058053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290255532918908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377318671220006,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butchtears,2019/04/13,"My girlfriend is suicidal and idk what to do Hey. My girlfriend (21f) has struggled with an eating disorder and depression for the past six years. When she’s doing badly, she admits she needs help, but when she’s feeling better, she thinks she’s fine.
Tonight, she had a breakdown. She said she doesn’t matter and that she’ll never do anything important so she might as well kill herself, which would make people care about her. She wants to be a writer, but got rejected from her first round of grad schools. She told me she wants to die, but has made no plans doing so. She sees a therapist every other week bc she can’t afford to do it more, but I’m pretty sure she lies to him.
I would take her to a hospital if I felt like I could. I’m terrified of someone there hurting her, as I know too many people who have been assaulted or treated terribly at a hospital. She doesn’t have insurance where we live, and her parents know about her problems and refuse to acknowledge them. Tonight, my gf told me that during high school she begged her mom to take her to an inpatient facility, but her mom refused. 
We’re broke. I’m scared to death she’s going to kill herself some time. Idk what else to do rn. I know she’ll say she’s fine tomorrow, but... idk.",3.0926678141135966,4.916307056224904,3.867217441193347,88.455421686747,74.82329317269077,7.313138267355135,25.110154905335627,8.11559375814309,1.4170323580034423,983,33,202,16,21,313,145,249,0.28300000000000003,0.612,0.106,-0.9957,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,1,3,10,20,3,2,8,0,23,1,0,2,2,39,47,19,5,8,8,3,3,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,8,7,1,2,8,0,0,1,5,12,1,2,8,6,46,8,22,32,2,15,0,4,2,0,52,3,0,4,12,132,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268181007126097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418456802908364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035615991914603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721967019436906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996252231666078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747126330296272,0.0,0.12950005055440542,0.0,0.14300660416628966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767922870014414,0.10423615792065737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051309980033495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309159680152475,0.0,0.11980662030637385,0.0,0.0,0.10613625587688263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091431501575772,0.0,0.09979650897873002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363618361578193,0.13183499760954034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335776220510458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27609713673957936,0.0,0.20572447293150808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609603157931724,0.0,0.11018141868309432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806813060562593,0.08329040384231765,0.1265054894667754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236993008834447,0.0,0.29227739189034196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925214391602311,0.09623662448551754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855140201180416,0.0,0.11911489143197168,0.17301095747816445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694426728080552,0.0,0.1193958662745478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869262277346206,0.09922861669602638,0.12492472557033395,0.25256435881249634,0.09943205410462247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572414670646538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044524562929696,0.0,0.13648707623132095,0.0,0.11760195764161285,0.0,0.18763532453837484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487708386404935,0.0,0.07995281920484892,0.0,0.0,0.07275916000000536,0.0,0.0,0.23846179583544785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719480651070865,0.0,0.10008952922046983,0.0,0.1121905687724024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727767754093954,0.0,0.0,0.08035305668851632
suicidewatch,Pepethejeep,2019/04/13,"OCD is a monster Last year my OCD boiled over and I truly believed I was going to become a sexual predator. Despite making no moves to suggest this, I truly believed this was going to happen and I was going to go to prison for the rest of my life where I would be continuously raped and beaten. My mind, seeing an easy way out of this pain and suffering, saw suicide as the option that needed to be taken for the greater good of society.  I had suicidal thoughts for months but nothing could stimulate me to commit the act. One bright Sunday morning, my father and I were going to go shooting rifles at the range. While I was loading my gun into my case, I made sure my dad was not around, and put the barrel under my head. It was chambered in 6.5 Grendel, so it had plenty of power to go through the human skull. The gun was unloaded, but it was still a very serious gesture. Anyways, I put the gun down and into the bag and went shooting that day. It wasn’t until my psychiatrist appointment a few days later when I was diagnosed with OCD, depression, and anxiety. I was sent to a mental hospital for 8 days to fix myself. Truth is, even with meds and coping mechanisms and time, I still feel suicidal every now and again. This past week I have felt suicidal many times over being depressed due to obsessing about my troublesome childhood. I’ve always had a fantasy of committing suicide via .44 magnum or just dying slowly by the woman who loves me.",7.197511904761902,6.700552775000002,7.7464285714285745,72.77190476190478,64.10714285714286,10.466666666666667,33.66666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.2720666666666665,1147,42,203,21,15,381,169,280,0.21,0.6970000000000001,0.093,-0.9917,1,0,0,6,0,2,29.0,0,0,0,2,12,13,2,1,18,0,23,8,2,3,4,38,43,20,6,3,5,2,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,11,18,1,0,3,1,0,13,3,8,0,1,22,6,27,5,38,16,3,47,0,3,3,2,8,11,0,2,22,149,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850927806776936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823254474850894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103764741155007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294380182565575,0.0,0.2304355640880763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165038513531075,0.0,0.0,0.19785764653295929,0.0,0.17616161371082395,0.10379695456518286,0.1061350596437459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754515406131369,0.0,0.0861627829157048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051708322590467135,0.0,0.0981905623781244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068374116534856,0.08577513933854207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904327169665242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495352715308896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335973031935287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722328858525335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229827277057014,0.0967657389337397,0.06826276856040456,0.10368079095209837,0.0,0.0,0.11359350571233152,0.0,0.1030591983019975,0.0,0.10325862906625814,0.0,0.08162705131936063,0.10869164926945267,0.0,0.0758282983022533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981261506048094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692974989168065,0.0,0.10881730884053496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976236383883061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560940349005055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149206851823326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633381302779566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593072710935303,0.0,0.09638367502621216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118709031255769,0.11926323971564995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843794425478411,0.0,0.08117330036240514,0.0820309189691481,0.0,0.0,0.09480080031554976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264621441752905,0.0,0.0,0.06585539100318795
suicidewatch,Throwaway26454,2019/04/13,"Are Gender Critical people right? I've been mulling over the thought that I'm trans since I was like, 7, and now I'm 21. I spend a lot of time on reddit and will occasionally stumble into Terf subreddits. I don't want to feel like my identity is a lie and that I'm just a creep invading female spaces. I don't know what to do, and it all feels so fucking pointless.

I'm never going to be happy looking at myself in the mirror, so what's the fucking point? I don't want to continue trudging along just to end up a 40 something man in a dress or a 40 something bald man that looks like he goes by Jim.

I don't know what to do, and I just want out. Help me, please.",2.6825874125874165,3.3058426083916115,4.510076923076927,88.19742307692309,73.96503496503495,7.398321678321679,25.48881118881119,7.554174236665415,1.0807152447552446,515,16,118,6,10,176,88,143,0.045,0.83,0.125,0.9117,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,9,0,12,3,1,0,2,23,29,8,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,5,0,1,1,5,2,0,0,3,4,10,4,17,24,2,17,0,0,2,2,4,11,2,2,8,70,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504903889290838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19986391665023234,0.141192975910928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654271964402207,0.0,0.0,0.11232250778343902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038984643340228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247291302289713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723388953705172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896685476114943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33193310818542976,0.0,0.0,0.1680251755849019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243098661285068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701764314894102,0.0,0.0,0.2169477110121644,0.18683225435042194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878218958334654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348860030082152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30430352889014395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569028836984105,0.11524459220400135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497169040476604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,legalized-euthanasia,2019/04/13,Fuck this lol I’m taking the easy way out,-3.3870000000000005,-2.314751699999997,-0.6600000000000001,108.70000000000003,116.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-2.982,33,0,9,0,2,11,10,10,0.23,0.395,0.375,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6456825395558402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251285834199412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5543771541000645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,clockwatcher1200,2019/04/13,"I need to kill myself I need to kill myself, but I can’t figure out a surefire way to do it. Any suggestions?",-0.9450000000000004,1.0802645000000022,2.2800000000000007,92.965,91.5,4.866666666666667,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.2390666666666665,84,2,19,1,3,30,17,24,0.236,0.6609999999999999,0.103,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376556768495216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7732868713167884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518264079539695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773977969796466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,withwhomtodance,2019/04/13,"Reduced to a shell living only for others I’ve been at the end of my rope for so excruciatingly long now. I fucked up my life and all my opportunities and I’m a deadbeat a dropout and a burden.  In my life education was always the most important thing and all I dreamed about was being successful and I was supposed to be this whiz kid but I squandered it all cause I couldn’t get out of bed. And I still can’t get out of bed but all I get is criticism and I want to tear my eyes out and scream because why can’t you tell I’m doing this for you? I’m only alive to spare my family and boyfriend from suffering. But how is that anyway to live? Every day is deeper and deeper pain than I ever thought was possible to feel, and the world is so catastrophically awful and going to shit what’s even the fucking point of all the small distractions and cute puppies and ignorant bliss. I can’t even get hired at a goddamn grocery store.  I’m trying so hard to get by just so the people in my life won’t have to feel sad. But it’s so unfair. Why do I have to drag through the dirt in endless misery for people that don’t even understand me? That resent me and and forget things I tell them cause it doesn’t fucking matter at all? And I can’t even tell them how much I’m killing myself every day to keep them happy because that would be cruel and manipulative. Revenge is the only option. I’m going to kill the ugly bitch who ruined my life (it’s me I’m the bitch).",2.9594511760513167,4.137954065573773,4.592886671418391,85.75292230933715,73.91803278688525,7.140413399857447,23.75267284390592,7.586124646067393,0.9537583749109046,1150,32,246,14,23,388,146,305,0.28800000000000003,0.639,0.07200000000000001,-0.9979,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,3,3,17,22,10,1,15,1,26,10,2,5,7,51,49,29,2,3,5,0,3,0,0,2,5,1,2,1,15,21,0,2,4,1,1,2,8,18,0,0,6,5,30,4,35,37,8,22,0,3,1,3,10,13,6,2,7,167,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906289707993626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327914917290674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22377873711413546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048692675810676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646951924577406,0.0,0.0,0.287758737994372,0.0985230771338571,0.1835371761192488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267872893787798,0.0,0.11014499751478772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020803728732779,0.2845272720488828,0.0,0.1238018602658784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594583705220672,0.09756963984533268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681182447426218,0.2410045075867063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077296123382667,0.0,0.0,0.19235417555213813,0.09638950195677272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800676771065879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485124286738664,0.11589703176734135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102083674796868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296324887459614,0.12278931595694564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180334107370699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698250616261709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855988779898904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472130878079054,0.0,0.0,0.08646917374919941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394855557164211,0.0,0.0,0.1133880666776682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424299121923571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656412620155336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737262306738063,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drummerdiva,2019/04/13,"My cat saved my life Hey everyone, 

Like most people on here, I've had a lot of trouble happen in my life. A lot of events led to a lot of mental illness. Childhood rape. Abusive relationships. Friends committing suicide. Then college happened... More rape. A friend's murder. Three family deaths. Intense stalking. My friends no longer talked to me. A serious romantic relationship ended. But I could somehow manage because I had my mom--my best friend. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with stage four cancer in May 2015 and passed away January 2016.

I felt so alone. I didn't have support. I had no emotional or physical connection, no real purpose. 

I had made the decision to kill myself in April 2016, but as luck would have it, the weekend I had planned to a kitten came into my life. She had been severely abused, malnourished, and was in absolute shambles when she was brought to me. I adopted her, and from then on every time I thought *I want to kill myself* I also thought *but then who will feed the cat*. And every time, I couldn't do it: she needed me. 

Since then, I've gone through more shit. And while it's true I still want to kill myself, I also find that I have moments I'm happy I haven't yet. Like when she's cuddling me, or chasing a laser pointer or accidentally falling off the couch. 
When I self harm, she's there for me. She licks my face when I'm so depressed I can't shower. She sits on my lap when I'm having an anxiety attack. She doesn't give me cheap advice. She doesnt interrupt me it I'm ranting. She's just there. 

There's never a stupid reason not to kill yourself. 
*There's never a stupid reason not to kill yourself.*
Even if that reason is no one else will feed the cat.",0.9631914893617016,3.5551204790419177,2.4790941521212915,89.94597337240414,91.21556886227543,5.2377627723276845,22.37584405656772,6.855684769269737,0.8970195693718956,1336,51,261,20,47,433,177,334,0.255,0.624,0.121,-0.9954,1,1,0,0,1,4,57.0,0,0,0,2,19,28,12,0,15,0,27,13,2,5,4,47,45,27,8,7,10,0,1,2,4,4,6,0,2,1,7,8,2,0,8,1,1,6,14,16,0,3,18,2,48,12,27,21,7,40,0,1,0,3,23,10,1,11,24,178,55,2,0.0,0.2152132388910964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874806356179342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940619294579492,0.0,0.14525713249695354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694769031990381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033206407860654,0.08532819758018656,0.0,0.0,0.05536291093305035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953097835260706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387366368133198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251222521837096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822296604640698,0.09218019160520292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586829438163606,0.1021600580232393,0.08043939159377474,0.0,0.0,0.05998562548831634,0.0,0.15303920758907055,0.0867822168723276,0.0,0.0,0.08561683057985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720125645068041,0.0,0.08300765757600456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806686280921371,0.0,0.0,0.08712263374858581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062330946556513,0.09667937254407966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023932977275916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244614505241264,0.08873993969951062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316352545886655,0.0,0.08593589660792622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152500365693167,0.0,0.0,0.10636705943206463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734173556324011,0.14009166689201705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154185115230034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062963018375991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337282250222334,0.0,0.28013366053731165,0.0,0.19501296710475294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474486498595946,0.10260053023615716,0.09322522600333412,0.07512708223871703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252881459061672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993421273900821,0.10306123987285556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299752007329019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420156298864714,0.10591551875967596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713574957648414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451578461480928,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drop_Kick_Puppy,2019/04/13,"From mediocre to bad at everything and feel useless. I don't know. I used want to be everything. We all recieved that bullshit speech when we were young. Or at least most did. Honestly I envy the ones that didn't. The speech is the one that we are all special kids and will go on to do and be anything we want. When in reality I just turned out to be, Okay. Some of this may seem stupid or insignificant it's just all been digging lately. I wanted to be a veterinarian. Applied and worked at kennels and then eventually was hired at a vet hospital. As a kennel tech, though at least I could begin learning and seeing the internal operations of it. I began looking into being a vet tech while going to school for the D.V.M. Though oncw it got a bit difficult I tried studying to move up at work and someone that was just hired at the time made it to vet tech after working there for a month. I was there for 10 months before her. Good for her I was happy for her but that legitimately made me look at myself and think ""what's wrong with you"" over the fact that I was studying and paying as much attention as I could and stayed after work to learn. Ask any questions I needed to. The head Dr. was usually happy to answer but other than that I was kind of a nuisance apparently and they would just shove me off and get annoyed at a question I couldnt find a straight answer to, whether from a book or online (because online would give a half answer as there are 9 million answers for one question that in all reality that question should have a single answer). I studied more. For almost an extra 5 to 6 months. Was then passed up again by someone that was there way before me. I'm just mediocre and just lost and feel 100% useless. I try multitudes of things too. I played soccer. I was a substitution player and usually given maybe 4 to 5 minutes of play time and I would beat my own ass at practice and go on runs after school or on weekends. Nope still just shit. While a kid on our team gets an easy 75 minutes in a single game (which i get. There are usually stars on a team and they need to be played often) Though I convince a friend to try a sport. Ive known him all my life and he has never played. Like ever.  He is immediately eqaul to better than me. Freshman join, and I'm being put on the field with them as a senior. I kinda felt lost but I at least never quit a sport or club or hobby but man... I wanted to. The pity clap with like 1 other kid on the team I recieved from on senior night was embarrassing. I would have rathered to be clapped for. I was a wrestler for 14 years. That was my best sport/activity and was still no marvel. I pushed myself to tears at practice, beat my own ass, and made any cuts asked of me and my coach and assitant coach helped all they could. Our head coach was a Hall of Fame wrestling coach that even under his wing, I didnt amount to shit. I qualified for sectionals... Cool.. I was in 5 plays. Community and H.S. and every single play I made nothing but an extra. For Seussical was a fucking giraffe, for White Christmas, I was a backup singer and did fun dances in the backround while the real talent did the showstopping stuff. Even though this may be silly. I love playing video games but it sucks. I am not exceptional at any of them or even really good. I live playi g the NHL series. Ive been playi g them for over a decade now. I play and play right. Practice, play against the computer and go up in difficulty get better, play online. I feel like ive made real progress. I ask my cousin if he wants to play against me while we hang out. He hasnt had a single NHL since NHL13 and I have NHL19. He beats me pretty bad and its not like he is phenomenal because he'll play anyone else I know and get smoked. Mortal Kombat, I get crushed by anyone not the computer if on medium after playing it for years, DBZ, COD, Battlefield, Apex, anything. Like even my outlet that makes me feel a bit better isn't soothing sometimes and I just get embarrassingly beat or shown up and feel shit at that too. I'm not mechanical, or technical. Tried ice hockey. Loved it, was literally benched and shit on through the seasons. I cant find something to be good at to just enjoy. Let alone find a skill that will make me good money for myself and my beloved girlfriend. Who is truly caring and amazing but sometimes I feel like she just straight up feels bad for me. I can list on and on but it will drag too much beyond what it already has. I dont know its a pretty dogging feeling after awhile. At first I used to shrug it because I thought one day I'll find something I'm really or at least fairly good at naturally and be able to build from there and hone that and be great. Now that I'm 23 not even moving in a direction. I feel like I just want to stop sometimes.",3.0441545222010866,4.705397236269434,4.03091886928576,87.91948383288515,74.56476683937824,6.627008591854137,24.132288319013576,7.294493503376922,0.9087061717059092,3763,115,781,42,79,1215,390,965,0.095,0.7120000000000001,0.193,0.9989,1,1,3,0,0,0,106.0,7,1,6,23,41,69,9,2,51,2,78,13,8,9,10,170,147,79,1,20,39,1,10,7,2,11,2,2,0,4,39,52,0,1,33,32,2,12,17,21,0,7,40,17,96,48,126,79,28,112,0,5,4,5,51,55,8,24,50,535,135,20,0.05040621781130968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047454597494929,0.05220563993260915,0.05562451478478885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283386984365253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049039899321616,0.05164712687891989,0.08296004474121277,0.0,0.14136902794301667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626125920995707,0.09218148757252652,0.0,0.08578395752811553,0.0,0.05289821577646223,0.13374061030878495,0.11006106950799108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051392498456944984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073578999317297,0.0,0.0,0.03250784048593807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907571186893356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0421079269967512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646415736003878,0.04559530982076074,0.04246941250837614,0.0,0.090603716714236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22938208436503746,0.10803063622811454,0.04839787384938241,0.0,0.1842814795756239,0.042875503120271705,0.0,0.0,0.038943718842988334,0.04659973613158304,0.1843461785654392,0.0483542371889425,0.11458806077565035,0.21139171996660364,0.04031445707933368,0.05557303308654999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073167123199015,0.0,0.0,0.10346264333718873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03378622528145092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249031913269885,0.08310581721784963,0.0,0.056860409231465237,0.0,0.0,0.051543772837806284,0.03560340232908781,0.17238152334338552,0.0,0.04450961381210659,0.0,0.08465705566229034,0.0,0.11004868230375148,0.0,0.09098715912968723,0.2384779103221012,0.06729308359949035,0.0,0.050639820847619116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070128646085497,0.1071476647534967,0.07410873981013638,0.07475114362443874,0.07775276524168294,0.0,0.0,0.047302820805074856,0.0,0.04836612545316376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366262308484552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025624897530283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050672171191144984,0.2258659998141725,0.05361321726631951,0.0,0.11474662238947975,0.06458302770979721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304663459596349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020275669691606,0.040167229480593786,0.04588792757027264,0.0,0.0,0.2069650329059828,0.041696544256997724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541804955432651,0.07761033819227525,0.14955911489711202,0.0,0.0,0.053726321426168594,0.08050894131295573,0.042141855131279916,0.0,0.0,0.057703059811997005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0334876513375694,0.032298269059618016,0.19809541229306088,0.040016906513013095,0.058784541923681134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689005257137218,0.054827490468887435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706957622883331,0.16654598274703486,0.0,0.1783853594710875,0.040010109482303546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678530760716055,0.0,0.0,0.1432285236324529,0.05511128627602964,0.0,0.0649199032754318
suicidewatch,IntrovertedxGenius,2019/04/13,"Planning my Suicide. I have been thinking about committing suicide for a few years but I have finally planned it. There’s an 80%-90% chance that I will be going through with it because I’m pretty much tired of life. I 22 and I have Aspergers and it’s very challenging especially at work. Missing social cues, work getting in the way of my music, fighting (verbally) with almost every single co-worker due to getting picked on and I just can’t take it anymore.  I’m getting a gas tank, some CO mixed nitrogen with 6000+ PPM and just end my life peacefully, I’ve suffered too much and my depression has gotten worse as years pass by.",3.5345529061102847,5.773826926229511,4.40430700447094,83.2400223546945,74.81967213114754,7.387183308494784,29.943368107302533,8.296473431620573,2.3861213114754105,503,23,92,9,11,162,87,122,0.214,0.6779999999999999,0.109,-0.9469,0,0,0,0,2,4,17.0,0,0,0,5,5,5,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,1,16,18,7,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,1,14,14,5,11,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,56,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082547667302387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908752146129078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100803128174962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553388408918384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599408925625277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521470200972543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781731968891889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830378727229303,0.0,0.10262816787434816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550989641604287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26549517074320683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18371548213200245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840792728654855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39505193187114335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577420568472773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157088149206452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755093919569215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489979815726392,0.0,0.14333654675107113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943946800903527,0.0,0.18402715102282727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257608817665745
suicidewatch,Anonymous148947575,2019/04/13,"Confused and dont want help from my family I cut myself once, and that brought me back to my senses about not committing suicide. For the record, I am in highschool and do not have my license, so that makes things hard for me when it comes to me wanting to do things on my own. I would love to start working out, but when I do think of doing it, my fucking parents try to get involved and I don't want them seeing me doing any of the shit because I want to do this thing on my own, and that is preventing me from doing that. The only ""friends"" I have will only talk to me when I talk to them, and then completely act like I'm not there when they're around their other friends. 
This rock I'm stuck between is making me question what the fuck I'm supposed to do right now because I absolutely hate the person I am right now. I am socially awkward, and people can't stand being around me. I just absolutely hate the situation that I am in and need some advice or something.",5.650730927364094,5.07852455276382,6.170982183645504,83.04157149383283,67.29145728643215,8.844403837368663,31.15623572407492,8.00094639256281,1.9766844221105524,762,26,161,8,11,248,106,199,0.153,0.76,0.087,-0.7896,1,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,3,1,13,12,6,2,6,0,22,4,1,2,1,32,44,16,1,6,6,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,14,12,0,1,2,1,0,3,6,8,0,0,2,2,31,4,24,39,3,22,0,0,1,3,14,9,3,4,10,124,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082761554797392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104412458843604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23836613646316426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294673793532087,0.0,0.1632260431715828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532720146611987,0.14037238069114316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690831667785562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621172052658455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068732877019258,0.247542887684916,0.06994764526886875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993167663274285,0.26436085719916114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973805931569506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540781989386404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083343159718342,0.0,0.17873410472114634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927155970526128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257960597776118,0.0,0.20364608145305446,0.0,0.0,0.14865974742613502,0.0,0.0,0.09281669065487502,0.1169003076068715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997810734905334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286684242784835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668635491682447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374276072902149,0.0,0.1504886031802896,0.0,0.13647549943626114,0.0,0.10306864815752603,0.0,0.0,0.09476213301945413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644481387312955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521802524636244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668350918494556,0.08578596633751599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089686369997234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158675039095813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746744813155886,0.0,0.0,0.09510569501592846,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gonnadieanyway28,2019/04/13,"It's been almost 3 years can I let go now? It's been 3 years since you did what you did. I have hated, and loved, you every minute of it. It's been 3 years, can I kill myself now and you not think it's your fault? Because even now, at my freaking lowest, I dont want to hurt you. And I hate that I cant just completely let you go. That I cant not care about how you're doing.",-1.1673563218390832,0.4000237586206907,1.3363218390804619,102.69919540229887,87.27586206896551,4.326436781609195,13.114942528735632,5.033348758259628,-1.5208022988505752,285,3,78,1,9,97,49,87,0.247,0.654,0.098,-0.9246,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,7,0,0,7,8,3,0,0,0,14,1,0,1,0,10,22,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,5,0,16,2,4,15,0,9,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,53,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540480710457792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504336134656288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914039003758872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507149203376347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24040702034301184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13548428211453253,0.0,0.1728281317965141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315651548199734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40504039123086294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195924257103273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22694235403124355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41951199412259466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513489828420104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968296523730572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143693713055254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098907031484965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39628470009882005
suicidewatch,redoof,2019/04/13,"byeeee (soon) my bday is on monday and i’ll be 21, i’m probably not gonna be alive anymore a few days after that. what pills could i buy at walgreens/cvs that could kill me?",-0.07105263157894726,1.8189568947368429,2.088684210526313,97.0082894736842,85.3157894736842,4.852631578947369,17.394736842105264,5.985473137389443,-0.5071263157894741,134,3,32,1,4,45,33,38,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.7835,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939972893715393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6343951799333757,0.0,0.0,0.25621421761709945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439534003472384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283375142659995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emmense,2019/04/13,Giving up I know people say breakups get better with time etc but honestly I don't do well with grief and this feels far worse than anything I've ever experiance before including previous breakups. My life's pretty shit at times as I have heart failure and ruptured disks in my back. Chronic pain is a daily issue and I easily have access to lethal doses of medications. She's being nothing but hurtful trying to push me away. I found out she was staying with me until June and planned to steal two of our three dogs when she was going to leave. Like I said I don't deal with grief well when my mother died when I was just 18 my life took a nose dive and I did drugs and drank alot. The only thing that kept me from dealing with that pain was gaming and eventually meeting her. I never dealt with that grief let alone this I have no idea how to cope I just want to take all my heart meds and end it honestly. Only reason I can't bring myself too is my dogs and that somehow makes me feel worse and I don't understand why honestly...,3.580675837320573,5.003412937799041,4.353178827751196,87.1181892942584,72.73205741626793,7.138875598086123,23.58881578947368,7.6454224807358475,0.9716337320574162,820,22,168,10,16,263,131,209,0.241,0.649,0.11,-0.9885,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,13,15,1,0,4,0,17,13,4,3,3,37,33,18,5,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,8,17,1,1,7,1,0,4,6,8,2,2,10,5,30,7,23,21,3,22,0,4,0,0,13,6,1,2,12,112,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868042425615678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224310790356664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673233505740775,0.09553679119027793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572340520429996,0.0,0.0,0.1098846695301341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561824273329304,0.0,0.0,0.12894676898627455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408483833970587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100442559156892,0.0,0.1385660980002251,0.0,0.11238678080376456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153552119251748,0.0,0.0,0.12564408311676345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622830852054096,0.0,0.0,0.06491292210251534,0.11918719441209955,0.07061133765592759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29446201711309494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300691929163228,0.14025756314476825,0.0,0.12967957530237453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828184229106424,0.0,0.0,0.13155759169355716,0.0,0.12704900399830027,0.17551593745747565,0.060699866326385285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293455034997659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800826596409407,0.12516383881235685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582545900504848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921649750819485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898795193221532,0.26441103310946096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613588902291018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640190515070862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774462702074296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181855153231366,0.09880466809975948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753578097553395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242871543700074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934168316666012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254290507736949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448966012907385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380408465796812,0.08435424823865102,0.0,0.12136938184530595,0.12934350170724154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328296255429548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234224819527159,0.0,0.11211185241039294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25323268587705505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayqzyad,2019/04/13,"I fucked up I made a career ending mistake. It’s more than a mistake, because it never should have happened like there is literally no excuse. This is the one mistake you cannot make. Once I have to tell everyone, I’ll have disappointed and endangered the careers of people who were only encouraging, kind, supportive, and gave me nothing but opportunities. I’ll have hurt them. And I can’t face it.. oh god I can’t face it. I don’t feel like there’s any other option but to make it all stop.",1.3491496598639436,3.915672316326532,3.4888775510204084,84.5948129251701,86.04081632653063,6.1238095238095225,22.452380952380953,7.492282038375204,1.189548299319728,389,14,76,7,12,132,66,98,0.211,0.644,0.14400000000000002,-0.7799,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,1,2,12,1,0,4,0,12,3,2,3,2,17,20,5,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,3,1,9,6,5,16,2,4,0,2,0,1,7,1,1,1,5,50,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156708033828676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483062663086665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043126696174566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702424128735155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013095720672635,0.16973196194017764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964504465585385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009710444554905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543414402534609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24740995222262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321456884629408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481024834229346,0.3171818894103693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832414838723832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279708141478246,0.0,0.0,0.2530220457140421,0.1609948739362663,0.18069536585385568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471267952281274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863309152768072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696105334885672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20766121847997884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,swtalmao,2019/04/13,Its 1 am and I dont want to sleep because I'm not ready to wake up and deal with another fucking day. Anyone else procrastinate going to bed so you can have more of the silent calm darkness?,1.3502500000000026,3.436905525,3.0599999999999987,90.935,81.25,6.0,22.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6879999999999997,151,5,33,2,4,50,36,40,0.135,0.807,0.058,-0.2575,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,8,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478500306119981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23195479714700865,0.3398987382545129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222080884757693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213939760685104,0.3420012283080186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887875500376258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27711960222419624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30668098055582604,0.0,0.0,0.18853099693224185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319716724851488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566418718523815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gene_sucks,2019/04/13,"I don’t deserve it Throwaway because last time I posted in the depression subreddit was on my main account, and I basically got called an attention whore on a different post of mine for posting there. 


I see everyone here who has “valid” reasons for wanting to commit suicide, actual problems (abusive parents, bullied as a child, etc) and I don’t. 

I have a good life. I have plenty of opportunities available to me. I get good school grades and I don’t get bullied.

But I still wanna die sometimes. It’s usually at night when I’m laying in bed in the dark. I think about how fat and ugly I am, how much my personality sucks, how I don’t ever get invited anywhere and spend 95% of my time off school at home. How I’ll never achieve any of my dreams, how I’ll never find love, how I’ll never be talented and will continue to fail at everything I try. 

I’m not going to kill myself right now. I have too many things going on. But there might be a point where I don’t have anything to look forwards to, and I’ll decide to end my life. It scares me.

I feel guilty and like a spoiled brat. I saw on a self-help type blog that there’s people who are starving and living off of $5 a day, or people who were born with their limbs underdeveloped and how we aren’t aloud to complain about our problems. I think about that a lot, and how I’m so incredibly fucking entitled. My life’s great and I still wanna die. I wanna die for petty, first-world reasons. 

Fuck man. Idk what to do. I’m seeing a counsellor at school, but I don’t know how much it will help. Maybe I’ll just end my insignificant life anyways. I mean I’ve done a decent amount of research on methods and such, and I think I’ve decided how I want to die.",2.751959706959706,4.202492994301998,4.359897232397234,86.13176282051285,74.8974358974359,7.293487993487995,25.92602767602768,7.957251820313856,1.4237634513634516,1335,47,283,20,28,448,184,351,0.163,0.768,0.068,-0.9795,3,0,1,0,0,8,43.0,2,0,1,3,28,18,4,1,13,0,23,9,1,12,5,58,49,31,6,7,6,1,1,1,0,3,5,0,2,3,11,16,1,0,12,2,2,3,11,11,0,0,5,5,39,7,41,39,6,41,0,2,4,4,14,18,3,3,20,179,50,8,0.0,0.10647969569486668,0.08769887235709621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611137871875893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395427003421744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478311593940786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176597479441526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795786685086074,0.0,0.07740376627281814,0.0,0.3730780242965656,0.0938936477266328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196686598293956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919396005409406,0.0,0.10022733892989384,0.0,0.08129137020831965,0.0,0.08587337927633093,0.08076817886116286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045440307134358184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213834952327669,0.07644225712511715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616430138863447,0.14085803537214492,0.0,0.1021488888504652,0.15075517753323078,0.07187619665414194,0.09908054192409384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204741697377632,0.0,0.0901456179968002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942638424440836,0.0,0.049389478731319526,0.07325497247994259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25390763837659464,0.04390529980344822,0.0,0.07935569488293755,0.0,0.07546706097231151,0.0,0.0,0.07640314182618642,0.08110999646773852,0.0,0.0,0.09111274063384718,0.0902851727510886,0.09789334332667317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533647242262422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212764705975888,0.0,0.2079368091420755,0.0,0.0,0.08433567253034159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978853889398087,0.0,0.0,0.1246072606174263,0.0784698689074714,0.0,0.0,0.08495495497714026,0.0,0.25820807325248524,0.0,0.0,0.17198438806852615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847999505457689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674736552770163,0.0,0.0,0.08997423090192251,0.2728557197181618,0.14322741241524484,0.0,0.09375263756391113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888242690548223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353849505747626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830175456380104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970476070874225,0.17275267286490728,0.0,0.0,0.10480630527196452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061014937639204826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897765942315613,0.0,0.10601375706926756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sugarxxfree,2019/04/13,"I cant think of a single reason to live anymore I make everyone miserable 
My existence serves zero purpose
I contribute absolutely nothing to this world
My health is going to make me die young
Bettering my self is pointless
I have no hobbies
I find joy in nothing
I have no friends
No one 
I'm a mooch
Unlovable 
Just get left and cheated on
I'll never have children 
Everyday is me dwelling on my traumas
I cant get help
I'm not getting better
Everyone says it gets better and it hasn't 
It's just a repeat cycle if me loving other people and watching my existence make them miserable until I'm alone again 
I cant fucking do it anymore
Given the circumstances I think 25 years was a good fucking run",1.5007460317460328,4.16651475714286,3.6261904761904766,82.91769841269844,87.14285714285714,6.253968253968254,27.777777777777786,7.594959193182576,2.2040873015873017,566,28,100,11,18,192,87,140,0.272,0.6509999999999999,0.077,-0.9793,0,1,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,3,3,16,3,3,5,0,12,4,0,4,1,15,29,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,9,9,0,2,2,2,18,7,8,27,1,14,0,2,1,3,7,5,2,1,7,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364846021421594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942516540299071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936172196831704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396648417089254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835143627873441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559150706390447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461678169187517,0.2742990110742487,0.3100322550756473,0.0,0.08431215056380473,0.12443104736128492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769178150077276,0.0,0.0,0.09943756072421928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118543684981013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099798481136604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338939328929665,0.0,0.29707935842205424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441860182351495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846964700365393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052750058152572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284895153288644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525310889813715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797587086971667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547640230450983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190116597172291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553415290380683
suicidewatch,shrinetime,2019/04/13,"almost Coming to this page to read & talk about problems is probably the best decision I’ve made . I relate to so many of you, it’s scary, yet I’m not scared. I wish I could suggest help , but then I would be a hypocrite . I want to end everything tonight . I hold a knife up to my arm and pace around my house all day in panic . I’ve looked up every bullshit pill I own in this house , and nothing is strong enough. Finally find something but don’t make it to the liquor store fast enough to fuck my body up quicker . Something is stopping me , but I know tomorrow is the day.  Yet I need it to be tonight . I used to cut with a razor years ago, on a daily fucking basis. Why can’t I do it once with a knife ?  And just bleed out in peace ? The concept of death doesn’t scare me . I’m not scared to die . I’m scared I won’t die . 
xoxo",0.35751412429378604,2.251481276836156,1.9783333333333355,98.39314971751415,83.68926553672317,5.0632768361581935,20.002824858757066,6.139981653823899,-0.1918836158192092,634,18,153,5,18,206,106,177,0.18600000000000005,0.65,0.16399999999999998,-0.6687,0,0,2,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,2,6,11,3,5,9,0,13,7,2,3,1,30,27,8,3,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,8,1,2,3,2,1,1,6,9,0,0,1,1,18,2,24,21,6,24,0,0,1,2,4,9,2,1,14,88,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946020268880906,0.0,0.12365035773828732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379374679535044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992602353116908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958775909986256,0.0,0.0,0.1371617428279184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636964503645152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859110393239856,0.0,0.0,0.15927260078299135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25631165557558633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936926005232472,0.2551818349228163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403972830586472,0.0,0.11097853153244706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526955823041395,0.11286119782719685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22831603264107705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276803212358104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849655373109448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786301115166624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369459512233696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168425722487606,0.08242584157685247,0.12519235052733366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915610578755407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848524041537135,0.0,0.0,0.13150533338613088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448806598262021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313552726418704,0.11815652589592597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351638660633413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945119804382782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901264468317773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323729242307612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925093412427466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664963934652934,0.0,0.0,0.07283345525227745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142417420328032,0.0,0.14199932184457367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771875924485384,0.0,0.0,0.07951898436417996
suicidewatch,Iamdoneftw,2019/04/13,"What would you do for your last day? After going to multiple therapists over the years and being disappointed, chalked full of close to least a hundred different prescription drugs from several psychiatrists, sexually assaulted three times, abused, abandoned by all but one friend, back stabbed repeatedly, tortured by constant memories, help lines growing tired of me, I am going to die soon because I've had enough. Been planning it for about two years now, have most of my affairs in order, thrown away everything I own besides things I can pass down, and almost have everything I need to get the job done. I've narrowed my life down to lists because that's all it is anymore, that is all the worth it is and it was never worth anything. I'm on three atypical anti psychotics now and am calmer than ever, but I've snapped and lost my mind so many times and I'm tired of trying, tired of waiting for the next snap. I am calm, and that is how I know I really need to be be put down, even calm, I think about suicide every day and how the end is near and I'm just so relieved and ready. All I want to know is, what would ya'll do for your last day alive? I can't think of anything worthwhile besides leaving my messages for the three people I give a shit about and saying goodbye to them. Nothing is fun any more.",7.642813446396122,6.783015885826777,7.128425196850397,78.75543004239857,63.37007874015748,10.177589339794066,35.68019382192611,9.265573868473778,3.0275788007268334,1041,41,202,15,13,325,149,254,0.183,0.684,0.133,-0.9591,3,0,1,0,1,1,27.0,0,3,1,2,14,11,3,0,8,0,25,6,1,2,6,37,41,17,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,10,12,0,2,4,0,2,5,2,6,0,5,5,1,20,5,35,31,10,37,0,3,0,0,10,11,1,2,20,138,30,2,0.0,0.13889482534587894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173859066273801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971837956759535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625768370237728,0.0,0.0,0.19293566445606966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013862493817966,0.09014032665009616,0.0,0.14292098170738712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668074084071035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268051502533952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166311775897384,0.12247726401707648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996392086725377,0.0,0.0,0.13594610234919702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382832676943024,0.12112682726989794,0.0,0.0774273275974352,0.10603853245005168,0.09876880306565128,0.0,0.21071213667953329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056928904511184,0.0,0.061246268890056875,0.11245481979206838,0.13324561066382687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857478674792595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163297086138158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884978638498013,0.19111130139732949,0.0,0.12412646626302,0.0,0.0,0.08280089658446001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127967117839809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188497780214136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836585186729705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738446695517217,0.09041268885519643,0.0,0.12467224391474399,0.0,0.0,0.1124824676816508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943604874220837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127044122046746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784551284527604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509861766976866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322361517594056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243314213357332,0.12033183042345705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282273107772493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610958172810494,0.07788040956392438,0.15022865576403546,0.0,0.0,0.13671201228459345,0.4042055735250032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958943770061512,0.0,0.11451374479457545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914352157143812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654939412274233,0.0,0.0,0.15098068852230107
suicidewatch,Whole_Grapefruit,2019/04/13,"I want nothing more than to rest. I know this is exactly what’s expected on this sub, but I just need someone to hear me say it. I am doomed. every step I make seems to be in the wrong direction and I am moving further and further away from the version of me I want to be. I feel like a burden, like a waste, a failure. I am incapable of love. I don’t care about the selfishness of my thinking. I don’t have the energy to care about anything!",0.35627659574467785,2.381710797872344,2.7632340425531936,91.99400000000004,84.63829787234042,6.313191489361702,23.229787234042554,7.554174236665415,1.0468927659574463,341,13,77,6,10,117,60,94,0.249,0.528,0.223,-0.722,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,7,0,9,1,0,1,1,14,21,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,3,14,5,15,19,3,7,1,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190004360012692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21693054006426749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708193593301738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453638360347533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674588190579314,0.16494921912764926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26023195143357897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268921496130366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256042385776981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838895390832515,0.0,0.15412213581232484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24540154880399834,0.0,0.17120341784871934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22154700474641054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836145057940512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019531359936813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956339571625086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479462061847663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272372049040134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524440460710433,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,losergarbageretard,2019/04/13,"worthless garbage human Long history of mental issues and problems and abuse, alone my entire life, thought I was finally gonna turn my life around but guess not.  Studied hard, finally transferred to a decent university and thought I might have a chance to make it.  Nope, got good grades but couldn't find an internship to save my life and now I know I'm never gonna get a job.  Still couldn't make any friends.  Still gonna be alone.  Oh well.  I keep applying and applying but not even an interview, the only thing I've been building up to only thing I have any passion for in my worthless fucking life and I fucking failed.  Honestly hoping I don't wake up tomorrow.  Just wanted to vent thanks for listening.",3.8039460784313732,6.0158758161764725,4.2741176470588265,84.60519607843139,73.92647058823529,7.768627450980393,28.98039215686275,8.59863814320734,2.3251539215686283,565,24,106,11,12,178,86,136,0.166,0.657,0.177,0.5687,1,2,0,0,1,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,14,2,0,6,0,9,8,1,2,1,29,29,9,0,5,6,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,5,2,11,8,12,17,0,12,0,3,0,3,4,4,2,3,8,60,14,5,0.0,0.16314040725545692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852111061210137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726815597365196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225734967077996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094309831552007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301665833399674,0.12584637573456586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637913012858786,0.2545847978148118,0.07193746221084514,0.0,0.0,0.11548803224005486,0.11012345515836523,0.0,0.15168131165878665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334340094635138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367574662985389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371282705622532,0.1366363073059556,0.12238540289177795,0.0,0.0,0.07567094948742081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890187256801664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185152067507668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838185953900754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875936673398342,0.14606757500411754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619519369542367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094392489211628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175095462088435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991919105043972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676666450146676,0.0,0.0,0.18295054120038,0.0,0.0,0.2186213249152915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497674314753792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812132650741374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380005268553405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beesechurgen,2019/04/14,"rant idk things are bad please don’t read this if listening to negative self talk is bad for you to read be safe n stuff

i can’t really handle this anymore. idk. everything is just overwhelming. it’s all my fault as well. ik sometimes people say that and it definitely isn’t their fault but my life is bad because of my choices. i uncontrollably lie and idk how to stop. i just make shit up without even thinking for no reason at all, i don’t even gain anything from it, and it now i’m so deep in lies i can’t even remember what’s actually real anymore. i’m years deep in lies that aren’t even that important but i’m so afraid if i tell people they’ll all hate me bc i’ve been lying for so long. it’s all just dumb stuff i lie about but it’s just so much of it that if one thing was discovered as a lie it all would fall apart and it seems like it might be getting close to that point. i’m anxious all the time. i don’t have motivation to do anything at all. by doing nothing i’m making my problems worse but i just can’t make myself do anything. i feel like i’m a bad person. i know i’m a bad person and people would legitimately be better off if i didn’t fuck with their lives. my friends say they care, and i think they do, but they won’t miss me long. when they’re hanging out without me nothing is really different than when i’m there so i know they’ll be ok. they’re all stable enough mentally now that i know they’ll be ok. i thought i was doing better but now i’m doing so much worse and idk what to do. my existence doesn’t affect much, i’ll never amount to anything, so i don’t think i’ll stick around. idk. i think i’ll be gone soon. i just needed to get that out sorry",0.0933564984964903,2.1881395424657555,2.2359238222519235,94.8883394587371,86.45205479452055,5.4239893083862345,18.491480120280656,6.807656815369643,-0.009882058135649796,1323,35,309,17,41,444,158,365,0.23,0.6509999999999999,0.12,-0.9919,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,8,4,28,26,4,3,4,2,40,3,1,7,9,65,71,29,0,8,18,0,1,2,1,7,1,3,0,3,25,12,0,2,13,2,0,3,17,16,1,1,6,4,39,10,31,52,13,29,0,2,0,1,18,14,3,6,14,195,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0844446365941989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775871414478957,0.1716368196826895,0.0,0.0,0.2848402169733678,0.07703354722769956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612611004578822,0.05275028278772202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306446445530225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822711256330547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040954287866246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941268546207343,0.0,0.2286193882784501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777111984444203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375415691852018,0.061819859505814416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685590249854333,0.07999922729084437,0.09042081757478927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543434432580888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267036066532912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112147646522127,0.08455221798895883,0.0,0.07641104880783066,0.15315961647185736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328621801987468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872058521433029,0.0917988287822032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908371939135617,0.06416381535054501,0.06674030429590068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660632863834072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863763297218074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799752019100922,0.15111618622653075,0.0,0.09498827351964607,0.08180253755954536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280128786141237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311470196747222,0.09849456120816064,0.11087170747701516,0.08897129602146284,0.0,0.0,0.09802607806853736,0.0,0.0,0.13763051454803893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877724322803666,0.09027376516992938,0.0,0.08882583938861215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558427306889503,0.09686765410868334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234624328312847,0.0,0.0,0.19812130198516287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955269803867431,0.07563447216714055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497860087559925,0.2217898024405361,0.0,0.06869827740164616,0.05045863261179997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780439867908198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683124817901554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763709424257751,0.12294244740195945,0.0,0.0,0.05572501615852468
suicidewatch,miketime357,2019/04/14,"Thoughts? This is my first post ever to reddit and honestly I don't know if I'm done with life or not. I hate my dead end job, my friends I'm pretty sure would be over me in a month, and I haven't spoke to my family in like 3 years. I'm honestly not looking for any sympathy here, but I'm just to much of a pussy to actually end it. Anyone have any ideas besides talk to someone, because for me it doesnt help. Ooo and yeah I'm already on pills.",-0.0663636363636364,1.7009717070707069,2.4548383838383856,95.09559090909092,84.45454545454545,5.9802020202020225,21.011111111111113,7.1686216300943375,0.39108808080808105,345,11,85,5,10,119,68,99,0.03,0.7609999999999999,0.209,0.9087,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,1,8,2,0,0,2,16,18,6,1,2,6,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,2,9,5,13,13,1,11,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,7,48,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.19734471406808696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316290050894466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750430543518122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414020594896109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327591062744732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694878261650454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35822680137003604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292620849948435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064194018862732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201447372834752,0.0,0.0,0.15624034271994605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996576328890197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554872451883526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22829005382980105,0.0,0.0,0.20067943266377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113885841675193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283915217034665,0.09879806436398304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698200349543562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141593495829992,0.0,0.1486603648865924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19367789275783934,0.20573790877330703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134657055537164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059687649629584,0.0,0.0,0.16254267719886314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054592047032773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365650151330775,0.0,0.0,0.13022777791193718
suicidewatch,katiechurch36,2019/04/14,"Begging for death has become my norm. About a year ago I dropped out of high school because of severe anxiety and depression. Things have only gotten worse since. My mom
went to rehab only to relapse a month after her release. We had to sell our house and I’m now living in my grandparents basement. I’m pansexual and my father tells me nearly every time I see him that the TLGBQ+ community is disgusting and should all be killed. And about a week ago I self harmed for the first time in a year and a half. I fight the urge to kill myself everyday.",3.5408333333333317,5.416322527777782,4.604814814814816,83.4216666666667,73.72222222222223,7.392592592592592,24.037037037037038,8.167268648758528,1.4337148148148144,435,13,83,7,9,142,77,108,0.277,0.723,0.0,-0.9865,1,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,2,0,0,1,3,6,4,0,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,10,11,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,0,2,3,1,14,0,15,6,1,19,0,1,1,0,9,5,0,0,12,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31631105790851394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648819174905394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876108829388052,0.19704708992916992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366993486073433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032365972544906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176104779735256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188506907543392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586877321648814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947830118866463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754510472407968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089593366295528,0.1424104082028995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27138769053337536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056709939962856,0.14217491083409572,0.0,0.1861273992364832,0.201559945818384,0.0,0.1475880347857375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594395083216686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853204476705255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807227967914546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311501477555585,0.0,0.0,0.16539395277282146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182173277476205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229788849738864
suicidewatch,RoxasGTS,2019/04/14,"I'm tired of going on Two hundred and twenty four. That's the number of days that have passed since my last attempt. I haven't had a day since where I haven't felt tempted to take my life again or another self destructive behavior.

Cutting. Starvation. Purposely putting myself in dangerous situations in hopes of dying because of it. 

I'm below my weight that I was when I checked into rehab because I have slowly been going down that hill again. 

Thyroid cancer. Depression. Anxeity. Purging. EDNOS. Getting struck by a truck by a driver who ran a red light. Everything. I'm tired of going on.

My family. What the fuck happened there? It's such a mess. I didn't start crying till just now. The slightest thought about them sends me to places I never want to be. I miss them. I'm jealous of people living their lives while sharing it with their brothers, sisters, aunts, parents, everything. 

What do I have?

A mother that wants me to die. My bio father is a slum bag. My dad just does whatever the fuck my mother says and has always made sure I was aware I wasnt his real fucking kid. Thanks, ""dad"". 

My mother hates me because I'm bi/gay. She's psychotic. But she's still my mother and I'll never forget the words and actions she has said.

My older brother beat me up and is in prison for attempted murder against me. My eldest brother abused me for several years, abused my family, used us and left us for dead. 

My eldest sister gave up on everyone and moved thousands of miles away with no contact for years now. I miss her.

My closest sibling, my sister Jade, I'm so sorry.  I miss you every fucking day. Why couldn't I have saved you. You had such a fucking bright future. You deserved better. I'll never forget that day. I hope there is an afterlife where we can meet again.

I wish I had a regular family.

To my ex best friend, yes, I was into you. Yes, I loved you. I let that destroy our friendship and all the good times we had together. I'm sorry. You deserved better. You didn't deserve all the rants, the 3 am conversations, everything. You deserved nothing but the best friend you wanted. I wasn't that. I hope you're doing amazing these days.

Kier. I'm sorry. I am broken. I wish I had never come back into your life with all my burdens and downfalls. You were innocent, precious, loving, caring, tender, and ever so sweet. You are full of energy and wisdom beyond your years. 

I love you. I miss you.

Alex. Alex... I miss you so much. You're my best friend online and there's no replacement or anything to help get over missing you. But you wanted space and I guess i overwhelmed you. You've helped me through countless bad nights. You always knew what to say. ""If you love someone, let them go."" Is what I'm following for you. 

I want nothing but the best for you, and if me not being close to you anymore means you're doing your best then that's ok because it means you're thriving and I would hinder that which I would never want.

Kasey. Don't let anyone ever get you down. You're pretty, sweet, gentle, smart, and everything else inbetween. You're going to ace anything life throws at you. Thank you for being my friend. May the force be with you and Sicheng.

Noona. You're everything to me. You're funny, quirky, sometimes (always) blunt, easy going, and wonderful. You deserve a great job. Amazing interactions with your favorites. Everything. Get out of this hell hole city we are in and thrive.

Hannah. You're like idk a sweet innocent bunny rabbit who is going to be the best nurse this country has ever seen. God loves you even when you send questionable photos from church service. Idk what to say except you are a perfect friend and i love you.

Pants, you're a rock star. You've been through so much hell and chaos but you are ever so bright and talented. Kind. Gentle. You'll be an amazing teacher.

Jayda, I hope TS7 is amazing. I hope you thrive. You're an amazing friend, we never spoke 1:1 much but I truly consider you a close friend.

Pablo, Joey, Lilo, Shelby, Aeo, abbas, adam, pilly... everyone, i love you all and you're amazing friends. You've always been there for me and we've had amazing times together. I wish the best for all of you.

I'm sorry.


I'm sitting in a room with a horrible migraine, crying, tired of living. I've been in countless psych programs before and they dont help honestly. The meds dont work. I dont know what to do.",1.2363680417624252,3.865857016451237,2.516527354595844,90.43383515489329,88.70622796709753,4.986537441635557,20.574451712197,6.611914623133859,0.5217345777481981,3415,111,653,42,113,1094,362,851,0.115,0.586,0.299,0.9997,2,0,0,0,2,0,157.0,7,42,6,15,31,84,14,1,33,3,62,24,0,2,17,107,140,45,4,19,14,16,2,1,8,4,11,5,1,2,26,42,1,0,8,1,1,17,20,25,0,3,27,15,130,59,70,99,16,88,3,8,4,12,112,33,7,13,38,414,156,5,0.0,0.10588942712178337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872682866830342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685638018160277,0.0,0.0,0.04431576012675219,0.031244965368969275,0.0,0.07354430566343627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041983262766062575,0.03436019853792309,0.037310316750486086,0.10895885313935584,0.0,0.038023856020974564,0.0,0.3282608867407381,0.07904094358391422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555958988589602,0.0,0.0,0.038492385661492136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981692964312106,0.14409144574438595,0.0,0.03848733983605978,0.0,0.0927524679862384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910436288439155,0.0,0.15711233851886758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03732879199333782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02951418579650606,0.16168146546870268,0.03764924988415476,0.08539734150480557,0.2409613250714027,0.0,0.1263758287658692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04290484701331389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761897027605472,0.2065539651399251,0.09338479399739924,0.0,0.17776959906865986,0.03747986712504791,0.0,0.0492656452236834,0.04922584008105189,0.0,0.03951501847504899,0.0,0.0,0.04411743257336461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985474225805316,0.0,0.0,0.2219126763963392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443432149890616,0.0,0.0,0.04653281090564281,0.024557844453696426,0.03642444232725717,0.0,0.0,0.04855065422766285,0.13708108510989694,0.09468753946734387,0.021830955720985458,0.0,0.11837368169352865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823112755271959,0.04228226343275659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735067306730864,0.04963523852246906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047493348348207266,0.09854639959387264,0.0,0.20678411460418436,0.0,0.0,0.04193407950638385,0.0,0.08575340394715368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961768132341142,0.0,0.0,0.030979125540997705,0.0,0.04668657485948751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546096328376628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044921017802443584,0.05005770603526169,0.0,0.0,0.05086159667092431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04250590500492935,0.10660651158839038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661646062197252,0.050481612679020765,0.0,0.07392820014770908,0.05022809257169647,0.0,0.0,0.037861666813188005,0.0,0.044194854262102436,0.20008591310222507,0.03162844952378405,0.0,0.035685697898486385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211531873761724,0.0,0.033597746405939564,0.0,0.0,0.08228034800219998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035475096638130935,0.052112656556615664,0.15407736218181722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043650995649664334,0.0,0.10750170617325328,0.03859370826121357,0.0,0.0,0.15813910712979962,0.0,0.0,0.054414595501090034,0.0,0.0,0.04032148724362265,0.0,0.1541574946002288,0.0,0.04845924683645342,0.032531393766834886,0.0,0.0,0.06348623819217236,0.0,0.0,0.08632750666340729
suicidewatch,kindalazyguy,2019/04/14,"Why the fuck am I here? What really sucks is that here I am. On reddit, looking for help. Not family, nor friends, because none of them care. I have to go as far as asking strangers, because not a single other person gives a shit about my well being. For all of you out there who genuinely care about helping someone get better, thank you. You are appreciated. For everyone in my life who I just tried to show kindness to, and only help, I'm sorry that my existence inconvenienced you. All I wanted to do was help people, but apparantly that's a wrongdoing.",3.706593977154725,5.669565308411219,5.14760124610592,79.3322637590862,73.48598130841121,8.120041536863967,25.907580477673932,8.841846274778883,2.083196053997923,436,15,81,9,9,146,76,107,0.102,0.7340000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,1,7,10,3,0,4,0,8,3,1,0,2,9,20,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,1,0,1,1,13,7,16,18,4,5,0,0,1,1,15,4,3,0,0,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044744300742942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228488202792973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124992429440774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717810080131733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421749068537196,0.0,0.0,0.17187794828979944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086233868701162,0.16855472483656433,0.09525627022875037,0.1749008861563117,0.10361839281159001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888291976161174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898614033567264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287801644601507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531054455151731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866489780572994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639984852633904,0.15919745759018727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680081657543152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715199413229672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448173137773968,0.0,0.0,0.20409573113115848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785857157925438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237853851729881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753886064797674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393032101108673,0.0,0.164518197042255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_throwthisout_,2019/04/14,"I hate this feeling almost as much as I love it. Feeling depressed and suicidal used to be scary. It would give me the shakes, I’d sit for hours thinking of what I could change to do better. I would try to stay forward thinking, tried to clear it up with help. That was four years ago. Now, for the past two years in fact, I’ve thought about killing myself every single day. I curl into a ball for hours each day, completely emotionally and mentally drained, unable to cry or speak. I’ve lost weight because I literally can’t eat without my appetite disappearing. 

I can’t stop thinking about how much easier it would be to simply not exist anymore. Temporary pain as I’m committing, and then nothingness. It sounds blissful. It’s not easy, though. The act of mentally planning what direction or method I could take, weighing the possibility of success and failure of each method, finding the will to fight survival instincts to achieve each method. It all runs through my head, no exaggeration, at least one hundred times per day. And I love it even more than I hate it because I find comfort in the thought. I just want to be _gone_. I sometimes purposely “forget” my seatbelt, walk super close to the curb hoping a car will run me over. I daydream about getting an old car, renting a detached garage, and running the car until CO kills me. I dream about ligature strangulation. I wish I had a gun for s quick death, but I do not. I just want to be gone and I’m far past wanting help to live. I’m just trying to build up my courage to overcome my survival instincts.

_Why all of this?_ I’m a failure, that’s why. At 21, I’ve already fucked up my entire future. I have nothing to show for it, legit nothing at all. No accomplishments, no achievements no matter how small. There is no turning this around, and I’m beyond the point of redemption. I don’t care for motivation or support. I just want a certain exit.

I’m rambling, and I’m sorry. I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading if you got this far.",2.6516951931274164,5.053160739130437,3.560409207161125,87.39298970424292,78.4373401534527,6.056292215883008,27.672699849170442,7.2200825789825185,1.512386923732704,1583,69,307,20,39,505,211,391,0.146,0.7020000000000001,0.153,0.2684,1,0,3,1,1,1,55.0,0,1,0,11,18,22,6,1,16,0,21,9,2,4,7,66,59,22,4,12,14,0,3,0,0,5,1,2,1,0,19,16,3,2,10,4,1,13,13,10,0,3,9,5,35,12,54,39,11,52,0,2,0,3,8,20,1,6,19,195,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364697209522001,0.0,0.09449076257151798,0.0,0.10413175033399898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358259013755972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400294168092448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150454337918878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345627161017767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962092134927256,0.0,0.09982338215711026,0.0,0.09893765183069823,0.0,0.0,0.15068211307658058,0.0,0.10365315867016674,0.18256869345158916,0.0,0.08127458355811175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965567522210289,0.0,0.10614550421401073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232577179627035,0.0,0.07950477010476678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542538346469516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724918688872447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723693334240483,0.0986013878216596,0.09052144318078376,0.0,0.0,0.0754705905422817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863275547401599,0.09684350673949538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649885718008594,0.0,0.0,0.09372360073314404,0.1858567966003108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087970227616906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332412445982275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300819660698926,0.0,0.17033231075812236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019111479251968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873510306262898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108739715924665,0.0,0.09901793646825922,0.0,0.06394270860083627,0.0,0.10040872439380363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016003346703585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920339305750193,0.10637993395011912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438838491040663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332727049632188,0.10563148383661272,0.0,0.10057824163967144,0.0,0.07889156703874793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321764107763176,0.10708184277593942,0.0,0.0,0.07094911883401653,0.0,0.0,0.08687663329526624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139171027103645,0.09271102001977632,0.14982712332051046,0.05502373608811425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921985409587996,0.10263968271966238,0.09217879199849163,0.0,0.0,0.08149920416049504,0.0,0.0,0.22263061274994586,0.0,0.0,0.11490852856217974,0.0,0.0,0.1702955880104104,0.0,0.1085126193822367,0.09096241907381904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109798154608488,0.0,0.0,0.1215331618754774
suicidewatch,DreamingIndianBot,2019/04/14,Sometimes i think world needs purging. Now is sometimes. And what is the best place to start other than self.,2.3918333333333317,5.338455850000003,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,90.5,2.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.4308333333333332,87,3,16,0,3,24,18,20,0.0,0.8109999999999999,0.189,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567113758654221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203669819854385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551304196654854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545970822195887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6723533344818045,0.0,0.24058789034225905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779865020427455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,The_Lone_Musician,2019/04/14,"I want to end it. hat's the point? I wake up feeling depressed, hopeless, and alone. I go through the day feeling depressed, hopeless, and alone. I fall asleep feeling depressed, hopeless, and alone. It never ends, and it never will. ""It gets better with time"". Bullshit. It's been ten years for me, and it's only been getting worse over the years. I've no significant other to be loved by. No happiness or will to be alive. No reason to stay on this Earth. Why must I be afraid to end it? I just want to finally put the barrel of a shotgun in my mouth and let the blackness wash over me once I pull the trigger. I wish I could. I'm too afraid. I'm tired of seeing other people loving each other, and being happy, and being happy with one another. I hate it, because I know I can't have it. I'm especially tired of seeing skilled musicians, and loving and happy couples. It damn near kills me. I feel like I'm going insane. Am I going insane? It certainly feels like it. I don't know what to do anymore. I wish somebody could help me and love me. I even see a counselor, and it doesn't seem to help. What's wrong with me? I know this is my fault, but why can't I fix it? I hate my dumb goddamn brain. I hate myself. I hate my life.

Ok, vent over, I'll stop being dramatic for a bit until my next post.",0.2298907992565056,2.472127178438665,2.2958724442379186,93.57477520910784,87.62453531598513,4.552091078066916,19.558666356877325,5.985473137389443,-0.06111068773234196,997,30,215,8,32,333,135,269,0.243,0.601,0.156,-0.983,0,3,0,1,0,4,50.0,0,0,0,2,3,30,7,2,9,1,22,12,4,2,4,41,55,15,1,7,3,0,5,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,21,16,0,1,10,0,0,6,9,17,0,2,2,9,34,13,26,41,2,29,0,6,4,4,6,8,2,2,15,137,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624120060725639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855919969852458,0.0,0.0,0.08375739303049842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148343084064695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469423246181542,0.09220378640240777,0.0,0.0,0.0942805290210625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486206087125371,0.09344866199769217,0.0,0.054466960823987866,0.0,0.2182247967851885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440813448139504,0.0,0.0,0.05578221501024906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135167806370281,0.1206703848111655,0.0,0.09251712714671634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824926923898771,0.0,0.14399441774355656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596187921628149,0.0,0.3335302049631908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132177949249656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343775521356217,0.0,0.13924398615799016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863617088650271,0.05965358174739256,0.08252161006937893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048983849878526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027493537158788,0.0,0.0898196299893067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994259912220576,0.05722939029409655,0.06423239053486038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855097117271674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983796602539782,0.0,0.08088524632597907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490133831954715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683455942704184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019008536239746,0.07688532722883233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001857399915382,0.0,0.07060877431949042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924681698555497,0.19413888188541548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962835878611724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241632525218027,0.0,0.19423984946360406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606760700428502,0.0,0.09233908576161964,0.0,0.10877344589929283
suicidewatch,Afuckindragonyo,2019/04/14,I just don’t want to do this anymore. I’ve been in psychosis for the past 5 years. I’m coming out of it now and I just don’t want to live in this reality. The delusions and heroin kept me alive and I’ve felt awful since getting clean. The girl I loved intentionally humiliated me and I still can’t get over that. My family is fucked. Nothing is gonna get better. I’m just gonna get old and die. I literally just don’t want to live anymore.,0.04249760765550548,2.188336694736844,2.807655502392347,90.31540669856459,87.31578947368422,5.559808612440191,19.16267942583732,6.980632752743323,0.19899999999999984,346,10,80,5,11,121,56,95,0.16899999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.16,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,3,1,8,2,0,1,0,17,24,5,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,8,2,9,19,0,10,0,0,0,2,2,4,1,0,5,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39431427982079537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582329997558035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124943008179372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063240171836548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874118589114448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088010453264626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378829061111346,0.4154612003266625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510897922335502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942563447985885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075488958605955,0.0,0.20860817300755805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977801785733164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445021430476328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876270909600887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517738833827859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802130484107865
suicidewatch,throwaway98211298,2019/04/14,"Do people take you more seriously or worry more about you after an attempt? Not to say that by any means would my attempt to kill myself just be a call out for attention or something, but a lot of the posts on here remind me of what it all is: an attempt. And it's very hard and it doesn't seem to work or follow through a lot of the time. So I'm worried about the fall back if I were to try to overdose, or skip some of my meds (which would also be catastrophic to my health), for example, and what kind of reaction I might get from those I hadn't told, or left notes for. Does anyone else have the same kind of worries?",8.999923664122138,4.704171435114503,8.860061068702288,78.20535877862598,63.656488549618324,12.006717557251909,36.123664122137406,8.841846274778883,2.760525496183206,482,13,111,5,5,158,88,131,0.152,0.848,0.0,-0.9611,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,0,4,7,4,1,0,9,0,11,1,0,0,1,24,18,12,1,3,9,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,2,10,2,23,10,7,9,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,11,3,84,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274593627986599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838661576826716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144502977441673,0.16330778871994278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255649202660746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274892963371454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394780514075627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314491746155446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327158491471591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277679765057816,0.0,0.0,0.16941778616409348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633483052274693,0.3319479113276252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317123069507148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710052300043017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736159494886267,0.17703974287295934,0.0,0.0,0.16908128395733568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049682812997064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264585680684195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674858938942493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509724806203667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270162425202127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983696587104765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293811807747847,0.0,0.0,0.15229828476799884,0.0,0.10821130396854628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150852875572214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603348264705687,0.4855867016104431,0.0,0.2264437045150024,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nonononononofuck,2019/04/14,"Tired This shit is so old. Every day I have to wake up and realise that Im 1 step closer to fucking snapping and to just od on pain meds. I'm so tired of having to deal with all these complex yet simple emotions, and sometimes the lack of emotions period. I just want to fucking scream my lungs out and punch a wall until my hands break and bleed. I'm so angry with everyone and myself. I want to blame this on someone but it's nobody else's fault, its mine for perpetuating this shit for so long. I can't just be open to anyone, not even my therapist. If I told her the truth she'd just hospitalize me. Im getting so tired.",2.737557251908399,3.9339608091603084,4.201442748091605,88.27285114503815,74.49618320610688,6.7667175572519085,23.787022900763358,7.1686216300943375,0.7690604580152671,490,14,107,5,10,163,87,131,0.22,0.742,0.038,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,4,0,3,0,6,12,5,0,2,23,14,14,1,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,2,13,1,18,11,2,15,0,0,0,2,4,7,4,1,6,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055947695552426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739363016462904,0.15569214922469166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615553071557534,0.3397481502095105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974546654123824,0.0,0.12723854286596106,0.14430345001735834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27922602047539435,0.07890027789815146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262490802019992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364551025441224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677461156287568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846719558101374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606929969870005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100340651753678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795642225568105,0.0,0.1493599175491161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534266197058235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207163253708339,0.0,0.14430345001735834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781477685321977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryle1991,2019/04/14,"DEPRESSED IN SEATTLE. Hello everyone my name is Ryan, Im not sure if anybody will read this, but I just need to vent about my feelings. 

The truth is I have clinical depression and possibly developed right after 6th grade. I still live with my folks, have no job but do have a bachelors degree from the University of Washington. Anyway, I have always been a loner and have been to a mental health institution three times already. My father does not support me any in way shape or form but my mother does. However I feel no Hope for the future, and wish i was dead. I wont kill myself today or tomorrow i promise but really wish i never existed. I just tired of always feeling like shit and and can no longer endure the pain I feel. I just wish there was a vaccine like for smallpox. If anybody is reading this you probably think i'm a complaining bitch, but nonetheless I just need to vent my feelings. THank you for reading.",3.8725468164794,5.885947303370791,5.014404494382023,80.24763670411987,73.15730337078651,8.342172284644196,28.158801498127346,9.029198982220553,2.5182077902621733,732,29,133,16,15,241,109,178,0.211,0.605,0.184,-0.7826,2,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,2,0,0,8,15,3,0,9,0,16,5,1,0,3,37,31,14,2,8,15,2,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,5,23,8,14,25,1,12,0,2,0,0,7,4,2,5,9,93,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874716022177955,0.0,0.20923634003115185,0.0,0.0,0.08550131460697015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21658365735189086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005589287264515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014125053863912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178665711066502,0.0898221707436921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364605336329285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487914018322105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581093341092693,0.0,0.12476850468207595,0.0,0.13910259780531192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285152088137348,0.0,0.1110226766541911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670716180337152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645571905388492,0.09697141106230638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337865283782037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174268359859113,0.0,0.0,0.13555916152369765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772947344753306,0.0,0.08054642568953492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737349045474852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906094863035522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040884871403123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267792050764913,0.11849987296585772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157561082060435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056327555285797,0.0,0.0,0.0733146912688154,0.1445091587632672,0.11917817948115896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979932575250387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337529448766922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ashley_Rivers,2019/04/14,"I'm so close to the edge Maybe I'm just being 13. Maybe there is something wrong. I don't care. I'm so close to the third suicide attempt in my lifetime. I want to die so badly that I purposely try to get people to kill me. I take risks so that my family won't think it's a suicide and blame themselves. I want to starve myself, drown myself, or do anything to end it all. I'm tired of never being taken serious. I'm tired of being the weird kid. I'm tired of everything. Somebody help me please. I want to see a doctor, get help, get better but I can't because if I ask anyone about it they won't ever believe all the sh*t going on in my head. All of my friends think it's so cool to be depressed and anxious but I feel miserable and it's terrifying.",0.3721132897603496,2.3634486296296338,2.7672113289760354,92.19598039215693,84.30864197530863,5.293246187363835,20.640522875816988,6.522977012572876,0.2520213507625275,586,18,130,6,17,201,88,162,0.272,0.615,0.113,-0.9803,0,0,1,0,0,4,18.0,0,0,1,2,9,12,1,2,6,1,10,5,1,0,5,21,31,12,5,4,5,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,1,3,18,4,17,24,3,9,0,2,1,0,6,5,0,2,3,78,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582092746102594,0.0,0.09644342214732256,0.0,0.1135041187255522,0.0,0.12894534135329186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151652621894442,0.08408046341158157,0.0,0.0,0.1553991667120913,0.0,0.12198731858024164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062818467989568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187983638100933,0.0,0.1431489092653442,0.0,0.0,0.14117655421497335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216448173993465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476501128628265,0.0,0.0,0.12396202353782144,0.0,0.13002753413182974,0.0,0.06974123351521665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656388869986164,0.0,0.2161872081616193,0.0,0.07838843925037686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155532569487442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849022978517741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525984113764922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771371811892698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637963280711404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562285785960868,0.0,0.0,0.15140502825999738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099118496877312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618476723325704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017446867037509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370572031565706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675914121832811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755885599093917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936449879449581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406294721111824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080411299452529,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uslesslife,2019/04/14,"38, I’m done but why is it so hard to die? New discoveries and insight into myself over the last 2 years wondering why I feel the way that I do about myself. Turns out I’ve been depressed for years and really didn’t know it. I’ve known most of my life that I hated myself but really didn’t know why and still don’t. Meds and therapy don’t seem to help especially when you have an unsupportive family. I’m ready to go but just can’t do it and it makes me feel even worse that I can’t. Talking about it with someone is hard for a number of reasons so that’s out of the picture for me so here I am, waiting and gathering the courage to accept my own death before I do it.",2.2468401253918486,3.2843101103448302,4.280564263322887,87.85131661442009,75.48275862068967,7.755485893416928,22.83699059561129,8.296473431620573,1.0535517241379306,526,14,121,9,11,181,82,145,0.188,0.7120000000000001,0.1,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,0,6,0,15,1,0,2,0,27,28,13,2,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,10,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,4,14,2,17,24,2,12,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,6,81,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235606584269372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409128523919312,0.0,0.173626215505837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120128072574115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049703570893196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771121679326172,0.0,0.1691791645790406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507783270093796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997276413773601,0.16516957493106788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213458202055898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388235638577075,0.13636808185267066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181656904677636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167098039872143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858274783947416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615749424494665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434743767710085,0.1720075370262063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229945147815085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174885184709315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336023247320618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446570768479985,0.0,0.0,0.1913168729715608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819693580963672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279130373460418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452874239511285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142472792691533,0.0,0.0,0.1704883078376766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154655087380345
suicidewatch,JonSmith4369,2019/04/14,"I tried to kill myself I've posted here several times on my main account, but I'm not really looking for help this time, just to rant before I go, so this is a throwaway.

Here's my story

3 months ago I sold someone something (protecting my identity, please don't ask what), and recently the buyer put in a claim through PayPal that they never received.

I went through the process with PayPal, sent them the USPS receipt showing a tracking number sent to his PayPal verified address.

He won anyway. So now my PayPal account is ~-300, which I had to fix by putting 300 back into my PayPal.

Yesterday, someone's product came in damaged. I am unable to refund them, because I have $2 to my name due to this PayPal issue.

I have no job/income right now, so this problem won't go away.

He called me a scammer, got me banned from every group I buy/sell on.

So last night I tried to kill myself. My parents found out.

I'm supposed to go to a mental hospital tomorrow, but I'm not going to make it that long. I'm going to lock myself in the garage and go to sleep with the car on.

If any of my friends/family read this, I'm sorry you had to know me. I hope you're all able to forget about me soon.",3.241917122040075,4.355142053278692,4.688469945355191,85.59250455373406,73.13934426229507,7.0615664845173045,26.67030965391621,7.3871296695380915,1.3659970856102,927,32,188,10,18,310,149,244,0.128,0.802,0.07,-0.9373,3,0,1,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,3,1,13,6,2,0,10,0,9,1,1,1,2,23,33,9,2,3,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,2,2,2,4,14,6,4,0,0,10,1,31,2,33,22,2,41,0,1,1,0,16,10,0,2,16,116,41,1,0.12906516976785978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440848565247637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776874127540077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065851121571315,0.0,0.12126097556249013,0.09924314883400293,0.0,0.07867692955089206,0.0,0.1098249533735195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317899686840482,0.14761617086088666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874297206454928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167115555118407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151329691387327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401042617224752,0.0,0.10322520659099828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865096627183804,0.0,0.0,0.1281908353785957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347105050538217,0.12807726591220198,0.0,0.28558297550468953,0.0,0.07093084195862752,0.10520533945954436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421861380051898,0.1083822367113718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615200302751441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300673346741018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301858715516114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954301554030462,0.0,0.0,0.12111891871275893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331159719413808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416747988620365,0.0,0.0,0.12360875572945088,0.0,0.0,0.1234979368359288,0.0,0.2594922873115782,0.0,0.0,0.1291000966357726,0.0,0.08268245265584226,0.0,0.12743628460766393,0.0,0.0,0.1102209497816456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580690489768555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291583790899214,0.0,0.21871299902400212,0.099360673240986,0.0,0.14447789083403656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051787681248066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525355642425608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196447054234102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Colipse,2019/04/14,"My friends have came out to me about being suicidal. What do I do? Yesterday, I was having a conversation with two of my best friends. One is a boy and one is a girl. The boy told me he moderately cut himself every so often, and has a knife in his room. I had no words for him. Because we were on this topic, the girl also told me that she tried to kill herself by eating countless pills, only to end up sick (she skipped school). I have no idea what to do in this situation. Please help.",1.7409555555555585,3.5269835400000042,3.4933333333333323,89.80722222222224,78.6,6.4444444444444455,23.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.7925777777777778,374,12,83,5,9,125,72,100,0.165,0.7020000000000001,0.133,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,4,5,2,0,6,0,13,3,0,0,0,9,16,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,5,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,6,0,16,3,14,9,1,9,0,0,0,0,18,6,0,1,2,65,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507446650751584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583207212586373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662566784929327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23609015711137785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211219790464598,0.0,0.0,0.1828273686155825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391824493044167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189600624167463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835936634667464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330237138214492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283737925256732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797518599525978,0.1569921558572189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658781437693865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890865135348669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23202538518435936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257906155621433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944874280879656,0.0,0.1401460267842969,0.0,0.2016429165578421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WarrenCrumble,2019/04/14,"Suicide: A Controversy. So yeah, Maybe I am a shit child and I dont behave the way my parents want me to. Maybe Im not gonna be successful and I waste a shit ton of money, time, and air. But Im not gonna change and maybe that makes me an even shittier person. Maybe Im a slob, a bum, a hypocrite. But what I dont understand is if I want to kill myself and rid myself of the pain and rid you of a burden and you dont want me to, either deal with my bullshit or let me fucking go.",1.1545183486238528,1.7170618256880772,3.797144495412845,92.10654243119266,77.53211009174312,6.917889908256881,21.881880733944953,7.1686216300943375,0.3941091743119269,365,9,93,4,8,130,62,109,0.303,0.642,0.055,-0.9861,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,0,1,2,7,4,0,10,1,7,4,2,1,0,20,16,12,2,4,7,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,15,1,7,12,2,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,2,1,58,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374359073980947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339396460305008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567884193638518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580954497840429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010700132029654,0.0,0.0,0.07383533421739423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42100086488916655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373490291136962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284985079749548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672120436378368,0.0,0.52207995446415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824180116466506,0.0,0.14425844868637486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343929556120425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667177064082836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210909162212493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575616989014858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524911146617513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298868232324006,0.1031227786107422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-tvtvtvtvyby,2019/04/14,"My soul is tired. I am tired. I just want to rest.

I want someone to hear my story and see my pain- really see it. 

I grew up with high-pressure parents in an abusive culture. I was an overachiever until graduate school. By my fifth year, I was with an abusive man who nearly killed me and had been diagnosed with a rare and intractable sleep disorder. 

Leaving him was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I thought for sure I wouldn’t survive it. Somehow, I pulled myself out, completely alone in a foreign country. He had even alienated my friends back home. I had no one. It was just me and my dog.

And then I had to withdraw from school. Between depression, CPTSD, the sleep disorder, a criminal trial and civil restraining order proceedings, I was not coping well with a rigorous PhD program.

I felt like my life was over. I couldn’t manage a regular 9 to 5, as broken as I was. So I entered the sex industry. First as a dancer, then as a sugar baby/escort. I did well for a while. It suited me. I was rebuilding myself. I don’t know where I found the strength. Starting to feel a little more like the old me. I felt confident, powerful. Hadn’t had a suicidal thought in over a year. 

And then I entered a new relationship. It was a terrifying leap for me. I was afraid of repeating what had happened before. But this new guy seemed nice; he seemed too good to be true. Having known nothing but abuse for years, having someone treat me kindly was...amazing. But that soured quickly. He is not my ex, but he is inconsistent. He has razed my reconstructed self-esteem to the ground.

I got angry at him yesterday and asked why, if we are partners, his feelings always come first. It escalated to shouting and he cut off all communication with me. He called my therapist, claiming to be concerned about my mental state. I don’t know if we are together any more. I don’t know if I’m supposed to show up to couples therapy this week. And yet, a part of me still wants him- and wants him to see how he hurts me and change. I think it’s a part of my sickness. 

Pain feels like home. I feel weak, broken, unlovable. 

And now, as it turns out, I also have a dissociative disorder...with a bunch of physical health issues now, despite being young and healthy-looking on the outside. I’m hypertensive at 31, probably from living in a 24/7 state of fight/flight for years. I scream in panic when people ring my doorbell. My heart stops when I hear sounds at night. If I listen to other people I am attractive, kind and personable- but when I look in the mirror, I see something loathsome. Something ugly and small. Something that deserves suffering. 

I’m tired. I have been carrying such a heavy burden for so long. I have been adrift in an ocean of misery for years, trying to stay afloat.  I can’t deal with this situation. I have no strength left. I am tired. My flame is dimming.

I’ve been having mild suicidal thoughts for the past two years. Serious ones for weeks now. I started an atypical antipsychotic, on top of my antidepressants, to try to hold it bay...to no avail. I have been searching and searching for a method of dying with some dignity. Something peaceful. Something that won’t unduly traumatise the person to find me. I don’t want to traverse more pain to get to my peace. Most importantly, I don’t want to fail and remain bound to this miserable corporeal prison.

I found the perfect way today. And I smiled. It was a plastic smile, it felt strange, distorted- like something stretching my face into a mask. Almost monstrous. But I felt a deep calm. I know what I need to do. It will take time and work. But peace is within my reach.",2.310215924426452,4.86720464672365,3.5271832358674517,86.22627192982458,80.88034188034189,6.657699805068227,25.333708202129248,7.85451343220497,1.6425054131054138,2850,113,547,52,76,923,348,702,0.185,0.6890000000000001,0.126,-0.9935,2,1,7,0,2,0,123.0,2,0,0,10,25,36,2,3,39,0,58,18,4,1,5,94,105,48,4,13,15,2,8,4,2,3,12,7,2,5,24,33,1,4,23,1,0,5,15,17,2,6,35,22,87,19,82,63,10,81,1,5,5,1,32,30,0,10,45,370,111,8,0.0,0.2152459677781776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063783156934074,0.06271748938116886,0.0,0.04842640756688636,0.05038723103498994,0.0,0.0,0.04117998328832696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056611447347372126,0.0,0.0,0.0465636301840256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152847903300604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183418639842465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405994902775122,0.05216341252697978,0.06349154673225513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670037802870652,0.0,0.0,0.06243031431848262,0.05215657461685694,0.06146280670053642,0.06284730300961665,0.0,0.13880426063060508,0.0,0.0,0.06196955185631733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399964985968966,0.05477613842500688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247521710055727,0.04326103647820353,0.23257204724532435,0.0,0.05534685406284534,0.10301737188277464,0.0,0.13279249804218507,0.046785218534841085,0.0,0.031637877526428486,0.0,0.0,0.050791286034944975,0.048431961317676964,0.0,0.0,0.059959708319388974,0.05354924550148825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436792544476969,0.13650145182015072,0.07175884963934011,0.0,0.06398046955632641,0.12148469972019645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482617769187071,0.0,0.0,0.06320446512354443,0.0,0.0,0.06699595999566818,0.12611898013581818,0.13311941559320967,0.0,0.0,0.06411979061887534,0.06579399435525032,0.0,0.04277231368853078,0.11833791328462435,0.06069276526629575,0.05347183245381599,0.053589928933383414,0.10170314924583967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061025948309206685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490131777474466,0.0,0.11697023214264107,0.0,0.05682746472165205,0.0,0.05810487072723972,0.0,0.06354306802595135,0.0,0.12310242044952065,0.0,0.19330674720533186,0.07104911954068624,0.06723998876730049,0.13115194189800275,0.057807310829100275,0.0839634580995475,0.10574988194817993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528933539543973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879356100051262,0.0,0.0,0.06501420800139111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257129414053748,0.1930203550169725,0.11025535225035152,0.0631728489721621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806719480320114,0.1211989556915535,0.0,0.10261737281257544,0.27971262689584714,0.0,0.0,0.0857233362778247,0.06454436719643114,0.04835989634838761,0.050627314503004325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247631333090112,0.0,0.057073073213368825,0.0,0.04553038414304248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692507721340721,0.0703098875233899,0.0402305463523762,0.03880167639725527,0.0,0.14422349266498258,0.035310542008818994,0.2783996840393099,0.05739976586239848,0.0,0.0,0.08222675202923807,0.0658672617693689,0.05915416397702626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143040848235182,0.04806633191040292,0.09714833228371672,0.0,0.10889377479429173,0.0,0.05464214120910135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04408530372890496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339754871059529
suicidewatch,FoxSox4747,2019/04/14,"Flames Here’s a poem I wrote last year at some point. I wrote it in some really hard times and it’s still relevant. I think I have a plan for when it’s going to happen now. How it’s going to happen. I’m finalizing some things, but I just wanted to share this I guess. If this is the only thing anyone remembers about me, then dying will be less bitter. I know everyone around me just feels pain and suffering on my behalf, but this poem. It’s special to me. I don’t know, I just want them to remember something good instead of some waste of time or space or energy or air. Maybe this is a waste too. I don’t care. This is all just pixels. I’m destined to die anyway


Flames


I always thought I was like a flame

When I was born I was just a small ember, clinging to life, struggling to breathe

I was nurtured and eventually I grew, finally able to get a breath of fresh air

When I was in elementary school I smoldered, angry and energetic, keeping people away. It was lonely being a lone flame.

In middle school I burned brighter. I found happiness, friends. I fed off of their energy and my flame grew higher. My smoke filled the air, smothering their energy 

They eventually left

You see, the fate of every flame is to eventually be put out. Fire burns through everything it can, and when there’s nothing left, it will be left to suffocate and burn out

I am in high school now.

I have a lot of friends

I feed off their energy

People are starting to get concerned with the size of my flame

I’m burning fast

I’m burning out

I’m going to die soon",2.0363461538461536,4.157533532051287,3.55638461538462,88.08861538461541,79.06410256410257,6.8523076923076935,21.93846153846154,7.908726449838941,1.0216684615384621,1210,36,252,21,30,399,160,312,0.15,0.685,0.166,0.5413,0,2,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,5,1,21,16,2,1,12,0,23,6,2,1,1,44,51,19,3,3,11,0,3,1,2,2,2,0,0,0,15,12,2,1,8,0,0,7,2,7,0,0,11,5,37,9,37,34,7,49,0,3,1,0,11,24,0,10,19,164,52,3,0.10899848313012002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069546965069064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621427374554557,0.0,0.0,0.09703175900618964,0.0,0.0,0.10240766291140292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113121791925397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393696505437024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183592310315554,0.1041527216582061,0.09796080837458722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055112908108563015,0.0,0.0,0.23880502093056416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951121076350682,0.16842391536780568,0.0,0.11389441737800132,0.0,0.18583904950163,0.09142275625153964,0.0,0.0,0.12007411776547285,0.0,0.1927739973178932,0.11603091211057084,0.09764123140062647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516288185896136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688285998383184,0.0,0.0,0.11980543154343655,0.08884831158479829,0.0,0.0,0.3552815125383983,0.0,0.07698885210290933,0.053251153131329484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266661253458527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950362669609108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045869842686966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289825808021711,0.11598207101491173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113164802698634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303879798123136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957358112882112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982721935882838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469480668040189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33093685223690944,0.08685767897352199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391235749764568,0.0,0.0,0.07714968737161278,0.0,0.0870463294267944,0.0,0.0,0.11394888067554232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448274977920055,0.06984182682393131,0.0,0.08653262035660195,0.12711578411151006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858025880692786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019144948015214
suicidewatch,trashacc182837474727,2019/04/14,"I know im being selfish What keeps me here is my mom would be sad. My dog would wonder where I went and no one could explain to him. Other than that, I don't have a lot going for me. I'm married, but my wife and I fight a lot and I think it's usually my fault and it makes me feel worse. I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and we fight and it reminds me that I really don't have much to live for. I have a few friends at work but I don't think they'd miss me that much, they'd love to be the ones that knew the person who killed themselves. My sister would be sad, my family would be sad, but I know they would turn that sadness into being about them and they would survive. I don't need to be here. No one really needs me. I wish I could be someone else. Even just for a little while.",-0.2545197740112997,1.4874328418079124,1.7116666666666696,100.3050141242938,84.98870056497175,4.837288135593222,15.483050847457626,5.82211442006289,-0.94284406779661,611,10,156,4,18,202,90,177,0.251,0.6709999999999999,0.078,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,1,0,5,2,6,14,3,0,8,0,27,1,0,1,0,37,46,12,1,11,5,3,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,13,9,0,1,8,0,0,2,6,12,0,3,2,2,32,2,11,26,5,8,0,5,0,1,18,4,0,4,2,116,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059362499511268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493883028949624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297038208428963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842272358132964,0.0,0.0635169071992094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970531820011352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139235958983572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356904317441668,0.0,0.0,0.11165623150687873,0.1389791755265217,0.0,0.13807419601803528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259035690761038,0.11092416899174452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359412271368935,0.11337634896120995,0.0,0.08385187758172749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712383992694536,0.0,0.0,0.18468932157368734,0.1862902815271803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25536872522611537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968595275099667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094991769466915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989753244024896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643684984222608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691180075324766,0.16098358752038516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366377574929647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383519435682256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645037654274362,0.0,0.0,0.14445602888867945,0.0,0.13622880377792493,0.0914523676573283,0.0,0.12801682824738958,0.5354182029160703,0.27469003249684193,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mehow_pwn,2019/04/14,"Completly lost I have been pondering for over a year now if I should simply jump of the bridge. I've had one friend stop me from ending it but deep down I knew that it's never gone get better. I just finished my degree but what is the point that after you finish you can't enjoy anything because you lost a person you loved and it turns out to be a lie, people never invite you to anything. It feels so pointless how do you go from here ? How does one start over with knowing that same thing happened to you. I promised myself last summer that I am never going through this again and it's happening the pure loneliness",5.008064516129036,5.620070612903227,5.205000000000002,85.35250000000002,68.6774193548387,7.490322580645162,25.98387096774193,7.1686216300943375,1.1425677419354845,492,13,97,4,8,155,88,124,0.14,0.778,0.08199999999999999,-0.6616,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,7,0,3,7,7,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,2,4,21,23,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,6,1,16,5,14,15,1,24,0,2,0,1,10,6,0,1,14,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947865610354563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918454298252628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584093270710125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779471627601108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674144384373964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863938620531734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905640192671405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383808915179281,0.0,0.09357822481008246,0.0,0.2035860785583396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31677493724176803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843484750645988,0.14599955760578673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39104213002781135,0.0,0.16165487748888485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41442486587534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427408089321125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417317424830372,0.1563930168564563,0.0,0.0,0.16931800563406238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677585003885908,0.0,0.0,0.1497450078354767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189935420810161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482158448618156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153417593313561
suicidewatch,XiaoXiaoRong,2019/04/14,"I(17 f) am not suicidal but everything just below that.  I am a bright student preparing for exams to join top universities. The most important exam out of all was attempted last week and I felt that it was easy. But today I checked the scores and it was very much lesser than expected. I have been spending a lot of money for preparation and the result turned out like this. While attempting the practice tests for joining the not so top universities too, I am scoring less marks these days.

 I am very very very much depressed right now. My friends who used to score lesser than me in all other exams may have more marks this time (that's not my problem, just the background effect). I don't now how to face everyone especially my parents and teachers. I can't have a next try in the exam too nor can I change the plan of joining a university.

 **Help me cope up with the stress of having performed bad in the exam.** My mind is very much disturbed now. I want to breakdown and cry but I can't even do that as today is a superstitious day in my place where no one should cry. See the coincidence. My heart is aching. Please help!!",3.164589041095887,5.365597547945209,3.9827831050228326,86.01116095890413,75.80365296803653,7.1197260273972605,25.10525114155251,8.07648339933343,1.5041048401826491,889,31,175,15,20,284,128,219,0.132,0.713,0.155,0.184,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,7,11,8,0,2,16,0,22,2,2,4,2,31,27,13,1,4,8,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,2,0,3,0,8,5,0,1,5,3,19,3,23,20,9,25,0,1,2,0,5,13,0,3,13,126,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994121552300436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929227135383315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892725850831811,0.16983601396413694,0.0,0.11340951491032925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869685852130267,0.0,0.0,0.12581892014290008,0.11833894429051653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642645368082586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173001156589022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603279908436665,0.17651488819068478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733083535545296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432863660860658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194343207529064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295190462927087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903837839067637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003542424932958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922483815974729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620696555887192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756996015293602,0.14453709848562862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125993003714154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244777759863228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492610467185214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083064805914556,0.0,0.0,0.14402857686047615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076779417932609,0.0,0.24962067199547905,0.0,0.0,0.08939712901768952,0.14322210115618894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372294762742145,0.0,0.5432188912315056,0.07766397774929219,0.0,0.10561990812835068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hydroxyzeen,2019/04/14,"Im alone Ive been battling my complusion to commit suicide sonce i was a child. Every attempt failed. All 11. Tonight will be my 12th and im not even sure I'll succeed, i might not have enough sleeping pills and wake up in a hospital again. I hope not.

Theres nothing here for me. Nothing. Nothing matters, nothing ""sparks joy"", nothing makes me happy. The people around me will continue their days just as all the others, time will continue. Tbe only difference is that hopefully, *hopefully* I wont be forced to endure it anymore. I can just make myself cease to exist and my odds grow the more pills i take 

wish me luck. or not. I dont really care.",0.4996093749999986,2.9577784921875008,2.1169375000000024,91.2843125,96.109375,5.0600000000000005,22.025,6.742157984588678,0.901876875,509,20,99,8,20,165,89,128,0.123,0.7090000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.6128,0,1,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,3,7,11,1,0,5,0,14,4,2,2,4,24,22,5,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,17,9,8,13,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,6,6,64,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379459048270069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208987127305866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856839757140007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579729527528686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589729913460359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915644560154986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609908311782486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762210386673707,0.0,0.0879715250610401,0.0,0.11221932234720053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178449879302665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968667143501025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877386825722612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781230759193906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129480491745222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390026965693545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129790207559483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233800104428462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532568708472854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328737942099106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568954442286902,0.0,0.12553112063889574,0.0,0.10014319928468013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766485418022953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316329570097334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,techni4,2019/04/14,"Why I won't take my life! So I own my own business, and make a decent living. 6 years ago I got married and now have 2 beautiful kids. I am way in over my head with finances. I think the last time my wife and I had sex was 3 or 4 years ago. I pretend. I pretend all the time that I have everything under control. I don't. I love my kids and my wife, but I live a life of stress. For the majority of my time I can live with it. Some days I really just want to end it all. I've thought about it many times. How to make sure my kids and wife don't find me. How can I make sure they will have money once I'm gone. The truth is I never really loved myself and was always bullied as a kid. I lied all the time just to try to get kids to like me. I never felt loved then and now that I have the love, I have no idea what to do with it. I came from a family with so much love it made me even more depressed on how I felt. I would tell myself, how could you have all these things others don't have and be so broken. 

​

Today I'm taking it back. I won't ignore how I feel or pretend it doesn't matter. It fucking matters!!!! I'm going to live because I deserve to. I'm going to live because my kids deserve it! I'm going to cry, yell, and hurt, because I deserve to. Fuck you world! I'm taking over now.",-0.4950288350634402,1.2495566885813183,2.0085224913494812,97.82048846597463,85.92041522491348,4.683783160322952,17.24579008073818,5.6839178017228535,-0.6587011303344871,989,22,246,6,30,339,135,289,0.219,0.7170000000000001,0.063,-0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,2,1,1,16,15,2,1,10,0,25,11,1,10,9,52,58,22,0,3,5,3,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,6,15,14,0,2,7,3,2,5,9,6,0,0,10,4,44,9,26,42,10,32,0,2,0,8,18,6,2,3,21,160,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441410492147193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716583083678374,0.10048208656248256,0.11268738400198874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131015410296984,0.0,0.16959751992573852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606809654727048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401407263653803,0.07404411698537065,0.0,0.10186884759940183,0.059808636958900215,0.0,0.07987550280577299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213875251331454,0.0,0.0,0.0612528805690582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334735127103919,0.0,0.08742556996809665,0.0,0.04689135367409386,0.0,0.17808693677406756,0.0,0.0847612756294524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147043045692298,0.04845201959091442,0.0,0.15811621806406578,0.0,0.07417142115902857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951764186987263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927844334395818,0.10469043723731694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559422547005015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310078388826343,0.04530732891314322,0.0,0.4094488120213125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185004207418142,0.08775137657846871,0.18571093373248568,0.0940222462107277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817344136875751,0.0,0.14305124054309254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987634370756148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882126896964168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623159672070467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480980885256028,0.0,0.209183349544016,0.0,0.08105750479771205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161131442493978,0.05942306285842569,0.0,0.07362398110973704,0.27038271953419485,0.0,0.08790521986677609,0.0,0.0,0.06296332927026872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469954860071512,0.0736114757837594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368203885173081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587874374336065,0.0,0.11268738400198874,0.11944106001402305
suicidewatch,pleasestopimtired,2019/04/14,"I don't want to do this anymore. I've come back from a week long trip with full contact with everyone not on it, yet the one person I wanted to talk to didn't talk to me. It's been the same for three weeks. When we have, about once a week at this point, I feel like she's trying to get away from me. She says we're together, but I know I've pushed her away too much to the point where she wants nothing to do with me. I feel like she wants to end it but doesn't want to hurt after, and I know it's all because I've fucked up our relationship. I don't know why I push away everyone I come into contact with, but I can't fucking take it anymore.

On this trip, my Mum called twice. Once to check on my brother, and the other to ask for the WiFi password. It makes me fucking laugh when I think about it, the fact along that everyone around me says she's an amazing mother, and so kind and funny, yet when I'm with her, I feel like she only pokes fun at me, or only talks to me when she's ranting about work.

I'm too scared to start self harming, but I know I want to. I'm too scared of the pain, but I know that I deserve it. It got to the point where I was about to, with the razor pressed on my wrist when I heard a knock on the door. I say it's occupied, but then I hear my brother groan from behind it, accompanied with him insulting me.and saying how he needed to brush his teeth and it was more important than whatever I was doing.

I have noone to talk to, as my friends think of me as a comic relief. Whenever I confide something with them that I think they'll help me with or understand, they share it with people who they know I fucking hate to spite me.

I just want to talk with someone, fucking anyone, but I know they won't listen. I've only tried talking to one person about me feeling constantly sad. A year ago, I told my Dad how I didn't feel like doing anything ever. How I just wanted to sleep and not wake up. He says I'm probably just hormonal and experiencing changes.

I try to hug my dogs when I feel I can't take much more, but they leave the fucking room. I invite friends over and they spend time talking with each other and not me. I go out with my girlfriend and her friends and I spend my time talking to one. She didn't even acknowledge I was there until I left. I just don't know what to fucking do. It's 1:30 in the morning and I just don't know what I want to fucking do. I've only ever had joy in playing games, but whenever I try, there's a constant nagging in the back of my head saying that I'm not relevant to anyone, I'm not loved by anyone, and that I leave no footprint.

If I was gone noone would notice.

Tomorrow I'm probably going to wake up and take my shitty bike that I haven't ridden in two years to the park. I'll bring matches, and just sit down and try to touch the flames. Maybe then I'll feel some worth, even if it's instinctual.",3.624856761045685,3.770795869706845,4.67540716612378,89.5832694395724,71.57328990228012,7.730660653136224,25.84130961329658,7.419758726546812,0.9909438403073572,2240,62,520,22,39,735,242,614,0.106,0.7609999999999999,0.132,0.9619,0,0,1,0,0,1,64.0,2,0,7,1,39,35,12,2,22,0,29,17,6,4,4,103,94,44,0,13,24,5,9,4,4,3,1,9,2,3,29,37,0,0,21,4,4,11,18,18,0,6,14,20,90,17,87,77,9,74,0,2,0,10,65,30,8,5,36,339,119,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755961472109066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641752642229632,0.11254501507609717,0.0,0.044151353089527536,0.04776201028813232,0.05015775074298872,0.0,0.15122458563013388,0.0825107664931473,0.0,0.03270600458994735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054785098316544906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056757124336119964,0.09243358246531032,0.0,0.11595836641751965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752010084621495,0.0,0.0,0.07087380737346796,0.09706333353134018,0.0,0.1538015000756267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989785589123606,0.15331713893429008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243551316747466,0.3968062283943768,0.028031164179049512,0.0,0.06098378981028525,0.0,0.042910724907987655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297063655380858,0.05506284033242306,0.0,0.06047015327518401,0.0,0.0359620722630255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743600304613095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587071754937172,0.265373599391724,0.0,0.0,0.11362028798945607,0.05829348875337385,0.0,0.0,0.10484740871496424,0.0,0.0,0.0474806849802242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842338503889677,0.0,0.035813393106913595,0.0,0.053901046403918906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888137352345946,0.03978257420549618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148092407896647,0.061083612134487965,0.0,0.11427610832027803,0.10906876276944848,0.16322026915096985,0.057089935561198485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037195818162313536,0.09369441108457208,0.0,0.0,0.15215657779456815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569272168032177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760259792824341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559992479266497,0.10743082274144436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055971153555346494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369114635584089,0.0,0.04545950376300024,0.04130423814998893,0.0,0.0,0.03797544432575017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101978130322046,0.3449901295051373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313487312212202,0.0,0.0,0.06257029090991396,0.0,0.0,0.05126716669187557,0.0,0.18213228622212188,0.0,0.052410598053845625,0.055854039756875584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28481017638956285,0.0,0.12911015520988706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841294521251135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905958563989992,0.0,0.0,0.038113125053840964,0.0,0.0,0.06910077208836528
suicidewatch,mrcoolj90,2019/04/14,"I wish I had it in me to do it This is long and I don't know if you care enough to read:

Despite Zoloft and ""help"" from therapy and counseling, here I was just a few minutes ago by the window on the 2nd floor of the big house of my grandparents' I have here. For almost two years I have wanted to die and it's been off and on, but these recent months I've felt more urges to die. I admitted last month I have had depressive and suicidal thoughts to my family after my recent break up that I was starting to know of, and was admitted to the hospital, which led to me getting meds and therapy. 

I have autism, am 18, a high school senior who is homeschooled. Had a past that wasn't so great, called 4 men my dad total, had bullying problems, low self esteem, eating disorders, sensory disorders, heartbreaks, and lots of abandonment. I had a major heartbreak in 2017 when some girl I clinged to for a year and a half left me, which caused emotional instability to this day.

I am far behind on schoolwork, 42 units left, almost 16 days left till all units are due and I haven't done College Credit Plus work for 3 weeks straight going on 4, and I am not confident I can finish up my schoolwork and pass. There is no motivation anymore and am hopeless. Imagining my grandparents taking everything away from me if that happens and everyone disappointed and angry that I failed. I don't want to be here to witness it. 

This world isn't fit for me either and there is nothing I have to live for, there is no career path for me (I make music, but there are no musicians around me into what I'm into), I can't be independent and be on my own, drive a car, etc., and I have no motivation to try. I'm not mentally capable and want to live like a kid till the end of my life. I have been taking care of myself less and less, not caring about my hygiene, chores, and myself. I've been on Reddit most of time ignoring my problems but I know it won't go away like that. I have no hope left and I wish I killed myself by falling down the ferris wheel 7 some years ago so I wouldn't have to be in this spot right now. I don't want to live and I don't want to be here.

I admitted to the planning of using a handgun to shoot myself in the head and was also thinking of jumping out of my bedroom window. My grandparents locked up their weapons but that won't stop me from jumping out of the window. I was really close to doing it those few minutes ago but I chickened out. Wish I had the courage... But I have a feeling one day I will snap.",4.335049720506035,4.726666143689325,5.412480141218006,84.05387761106209,70.0873786407767,8.805531038540748,28.03324507208002,8.841846274778883,1.9319449838187697,1964,64,418,33,33,651,235,515,0.215,0.705,0.08,-0.9978,3,0,0,2,0,1,55.0,0,1,1,5,16,22,2,0,20,0,56,4,1,7,2,87,89,40,4,14,13,1,2,2,0,4,2,0,5,4,22,33,1,3,13,1,1,9,19,13,0,3,18,2,62,9,72,62,16,76,0,8,0,0,13,37,0,9,31,305,84,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497308107815244,0.0,0.16189444642259934,0.0,0.0,0.06464583447637852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016922084656769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196264148577443,0.0,0.0,0.15189925457332434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254427242766275,0.0,0.24725809595466364,0.08304252785337418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640077800235408,0.0,0.06962534408275554,0.0,0.1677934231249732,0.0,0.185293886294344,0.0,0.0,0.08272497575513264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827170906645824,0.0,0.09093146873467382,0.07159815845133546,0.08352689522615994,0.09015534121294312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772438327947763,0.07265166173342671,0.0,0.07620653613237485,0.0,0.040873941563833296,0.0,0.07761681500577809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042234332392559415,0.0,0.09188379165966196,0.0,0.0,0.08912378758232943,0.0,0.0,0.07148446137043782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296274411663901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418376860055768,0.08540940888391378,0.0,0.0802900201273152,0.0,0.09327578738211137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943487568191115,0.0,0.13327876470309355,0.0658934688877006,0.0,0.0,0.3513213457144963,0.0,0.057098018411987764,0.07898637890815707,0.0,0.21414336125492756,0.07153877087916184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872527390853697,0.0,0.0,0.053959754897132235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979239862970881,0.0,0.08146533165220005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904767196105738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756589935184457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477767947876805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771686778999877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470141535397566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085951953360357,0.0,0.05178666453266455,0.0,0.1596348416933406,0.0,0.0,0.06903490604678413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818120111596186,0.0,0.0,0.08433129243409265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721730029349253,0.0,0.0,0.06758388981929613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842326174826898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155969541584152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848897813267412,0.0,0.0,0.05179749801424815,0.0,0.06417605946058905,0.047137080131754466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488345376301595,0.0,0.0789666317445828,0.0,0.0,0.0698177693902052,0.0,0.0,0.2384006834834561,0.0,0.06484308174001073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27887790245300825,0.0,0.0,0.058850767399240785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617037656665048
suicidewatch,TalkingStingray,2019/04/14,"I'm finally doing it after Game of Thrones is over Where to begin with my convoluted rant. I know it's going to happen, but I'm seeking ways to stop it. So my being suicidal isn't bullshit. I should probably just summarize. I'm 35, male, white, I used to be 'generic white guy attractive', 6'3, blue eyes, black/brown hair, etc. I never really had my 'radar' on when women/girls were flirting with me when I was younger, now I'm constantly thinking about the what-ifs. Was at a Walmart, got made fun of. I got expelled from high school and turned to video games. Skipping lots of details but I was caught in a pit of extreme depression for nearly 15 years, ballooned up to 430lbs, but can still walk, bend over and touch my toes, etc, basically things you wouldn't expect. I'm know I'm a disgusting pile of useless shit. I realize I could have gone far had I tried when I was younger rather than tell myself ""just accomplish something later"". I wish I had never discovered World of Warcraft in 2005 (waaay before I was even chunky). In the back of my mind I've always known I was going to do it, and now the time's come for a multitude of reasons. I neglected my body basically my whole life, but I didn't care because I still had pretty women flirting with me. Games filled whatever void I had. Now they don't, all I can think about is being with someone, but I'm a blob. I'm supposed to eat 4k calories a day simply to maintain my weight, and my maintenance is around 3800. I went down to 600 calories a day (black beans and brown rice) for 3 weeks and lost 30lbs. 

idk why I'm even typing anymore, these are just some of the issues. The truth is I know the real reasons I'm depressed (there are others), but I don't want to share them, one absolutely can't be changed, others can likely be made less bad. Maybe if I talk I'll delay this, idk.

I broke and removed the blades from a razor and I plan on getting hammered and finally doing it. I know if I had a gun I'd likely have done this a while ago.  The shitty thing is I have to grow some balls to kill myself.",3.644250398724082,4.6807801076555045,4.636344497607659,86.63907814992027,72.08612440191388,7.582902711323763,26.373524720893144,7.908726449838941,1.4039356299840513,1607,52,337,21,30,524,228,418,0.185,0.7509999999999999,0.064,-0.9949,0,0,1,1,0,1,60.0,0,1,2,3,21,19,3,0,18,0,43,8,5,5,4,58,78,22,2,9,12,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,12,15,2,3,10,5,0,10,8,10,0,1,23,9,45,9,47,47,8,54,0,6,6,0,12,17,1,5,28,212,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095001040718085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917524735327947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062852991981788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540532888607048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240824419273315,0.08948369987701853,0.06533073263937934,0.0,0.09119502638110198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904334173767055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926845502635547,0.0,0.11337320354081908,0.09231873074458788,0.0,0.11581428439061983,0.0,0.08556769719996445,0.0,0.0,0.13823346257888142,0.0,0.1846132580426256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967362170232184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966316794962863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390490343786796,0.14157148874350967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348022110994822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599266909890013,0.0,0.1218160309515894,0.0,0.1714296277685571,0.0,0.0,0.10611660356765758,0.09477137590395984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113232540889226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185916938578852,0.0,0.0,0.11856935143221885,0.0,0.2355945458643092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569837783699827,0.10471713241296414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699031817932723,0.09111335026974222,0.0,0.20281647011686285,0.0,0.0,0.1076681452151314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821263231744332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531448727100176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262216086551952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109031912588941,0.11554896972561385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198459429341775,0.06865678718350195,0.22038023857988398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846324801817113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110009972608461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080603771370682,0.0825058325919633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117454681531233,0.08960014672174743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722819221332136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614036702320288,0.09367258748842476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239992349011754,0.13734229960143454,0.0,0.0,0.06249254529641031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276239238242896,0.11657178297191685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256173916407856,0.0,0.0,0.06321250900413179,0.08506772349721889,0.0859664877728953,0.13050597681365073,0.0,0.09934902526512596,0.09670558111936567,0.11965311758035747,0.12324190002505812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901491214043375
suicidewatch,Einskoputhrgaldra,2019/04/14,"Im going to kill myself soon I dont really have much to say. I have so few 'friends' and so many fucked up old relationships that matter so much to me but ended terribly. Cheated on, lied to, used. I feel very alone. The friends that i have are toxic but its better than sitting around alone right? Not many people know how i feel, i dont have any family available either. I just feel like ill never find anyone like me i can actually get on with, friends or otherwise. Everyone just wants to use me for something then toss me out when theyre done and i can bring my self to be like that. Itll be my birthday in a few weeks but i know im not going to make it that long. Ive tried therapy and talking to the few people i have who will listen but neither lasted long or offered much help. I was a burden to then and had no more money for therapy. I struggle to get out of bed every single day and i often use substances to cope. Im just sick of it all and want to sleep forever",1.6689212513484364,3.3065538640776717,3.594692556634307,89.67422869471416,78.32038834951456,6.519525350593313,21.638619201725998,7.3871296695380915,0.6490936353829553,760,21,167,10,18,257,119,206,0.181,0.695,0.124,-0.9363,1,2,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,3,1,4,0,18,4,1,5,2,39,36,19,1,2,12,0,3,3,3,2,2,2,1,1,9,10,0,0,6,0,1,3,7,6,0,0,3,5,22,7,25,29,11,24,0,0,0,1,11,8,1,3,15,115,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.10577545104581526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452389560895328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371062171202658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579056116071314,0.0,0.0,0.09649231179507256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958643640368155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990419994045731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092316775756517,0.25407042192772783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600358862042296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132536209606096,0.10357368551783078,0.0,0.0,0.10218280893373244,0.0,0.16441952514141514,0.07743562867396675,0.0,0.0,0.09906878772176596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25123134613658604,0.10020712612773644,0.11326122236591822,0.0,0.1232039192931826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265321264048663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512475234922523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992024933323847,0.0,0.11913937430006882,0.0883543601776737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588653114409982,0.0,0.0,0.1918479156014003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235284011842502,0.21978597848609036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390428933873985,0.0,0.08359898360103572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137397025367458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029143295849026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694390155467056,0.0,0.0,0.11637298777768028,0.0,0.09256660874971696,0.0,0.08619807214012301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307702435075975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847078679370346,0.0,0.0,0.08344584748387299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133153828752354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712179130864503,0.0,0.0,0.2479125565593557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359139719653372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28084897248391993,0.0,0.08943517007435002,0.12786541798853476,0.0,0.0869459309973682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,m1k3chaa3,2019/04/14,"somewhere over the rainbow :') i hope that once I am gone. I won't have to deal with unfair choices. I won't have to fake another smile to pretend that I am okay while I am just screaming and dying inside. I hope that I won't be ignored and looked down because of my background and because of how I look. I wish that I won't ever be taken advantage to the point where I just feel numb like I am right now. I wish that money won't ever be a problem that I have to be stressed out about. I wish I had friends who I could go to experience new things with. I wish that people would notice that I am in the room. I wish that someone would ask me how my day was.

​

And I wish that over the rainbow, someone will genuinely care for me and love me for who I am.",2.5027777777777795,3.4581131666666667,3.8058641975308665,91.82138888888893,74.74074074074073,6.387654320987655,25.84567901234568,6.42735559955562,0.7362123456790126,591,20,135,4,12,194,80,162,0.069,0.634,0.297,0.9887,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,5,1,24,2,0,2,2,28,41,8,1,12,2,0,1,1,1,8,1,1,1,0,13,8,0,1,1,1,1,2,5,6,0,0,4,4,28,8,18,24,0,17,0,0,2,1,6,9,0,2,7,102,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705684516473562,0.13127543537760314,0.0,0.11328505386208533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099897638521857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171535550551736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101497933505478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625786977389736,0.0,0.0,0.0696742135391311,0.11138026206756033,0.0,0.0,0.11212420049242207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544930117451034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567983402974096,0.0,0.0,0.054626193726382034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346826310557222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061399287803900464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146080375889496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052780880322540566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144588153617908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750661163209214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434173888416348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299958048572154,0.0,0.1150547003669996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489848536977156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212883937768033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337575924350399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226206251004247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307692346769827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375475066598712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177424693058476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7454156728004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349119768166042,0.0,0.13127543537760314,0.0
suicidewatch,fa127,2019/04/14,"My best friend took her own life three days ago and I can barely talk Please let your friends know, go see them, ask if you can stay with them for awhile, surround yourself with love, cry in their arms and hug them for as long as you need
RIP my beautiful lady, you’ll always be with me :( 💖",2.2325000000000017,3.783030583333339,2.2666666666666693,100.185,76.5,5.466666666666668,18.666666666666668,5.6839178017228535,-0.6244333333333332,225,4,54,1,5,67,49,60,0.076,0.622,0.301,0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,8,12,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,13,5,8,8,2,8,0,0,1,2,14,2,0,1,3,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173250442236196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039979186355837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291973024235495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572868018277173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693035590848257,0.15811191720145312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788295966250221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933360157737873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473693212146487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506990504862065,0.17316813780914894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169643724745956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127206784055015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817876311496877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269118866074232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536571998975544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613145492868901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705530519722653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723886695428259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leavemealone___,2019/04/14,"Planning your own death is so complicated Writing a will and figuring out the logistics of how you'll leave this earth is more stressful than I thought it would be. I just want to get it out of the way so it'll be easier on my family in navigating how to deal with it. I'm not really sure how I'll be able to notarize a will and fill out an advance directive at this point, but if I give up and kill myself I guess I won't have to worry about it anyway. 

​

Everything in life is so hard. Even anticipating death.",3.2877777777777766,4.4380883333333365,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,73.07407407407408,9.474074074074073,26.462962962962962,9.827888789773867,2.339607407407408,412,14,89,11,8,142,74,108,0.19,0.755,0.055,-0.9464,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,2,10,3,1,1,5,0,13,1,0,3,1,21,19,11,3,3,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,9,1,17,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,0,66,16,0,0.21809093022440534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23630143178071505,0.2650043514645273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248421727207516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404700254866984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600606550133487,0.0,0.2055967194198352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394350967105812,0.2092126929321382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402517474310648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536663605674165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24128530143374605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230926805263248,0.0,0.0,0.15404407373255316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616642228043625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397146344391859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24982242371971924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554812073636008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313983760487456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863568118751498,0.17311042911491886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148192602856226,0.0,0.15492553949694104,0.0,0.2650043514645273,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway799643,2019/04/14,"Trying to kms with a pair of headphones while my ex-husband sleeps next to me Can my life get any more pathetic? I feel so worthless and insignificant. I’m pretty sure I’m always going to fail no matter what I do. Living feels like torture and to even attempt to make my life worthwhile is a masochistic endeavor that will only prolong the inevitable. Every second I continue to live this little voice in my head gets louder and louder, asking me, “what for, you stupid bitch? Just die already.”",5.167050691244238,6.882532924731183,5.451643625192013,79.64032258064519,69.21505376344086,7.034715821812598,28.3394777265745,7.447530270364453,1.8104574500768047,394,14,66,4,7,125,73,93,0.295,0.605,0.099,-0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,3,7,3,0,3,0,4,4,2,1,1,10,13,5,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,0,3,10,2,10,12,1,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871861318687385,0.0,0.17999867111043466,0.0,0.0,0.1471075531636472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022334842152605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450987665407188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287978221133835,0.0,0.18226207088880966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187595534546592,0.1545417145770377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604043899762,0.0,0.12294175986060385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201055442604886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055916932171913,0.1056848466153191,0.2168132058370998,0.38203563029065785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439776828697493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23006273897186064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452394313937274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22007900126017088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647995450774854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388255364659927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468696115163797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mok_88,2019/04/14,"Suicide seems to be the only path to stop suffering I'm considering suicide because of my looks...

​

 [https://ibb.co/album/go3d3v](https://ibb.co/album/go3d3v)",22.7175,25.348751750000005,15.810000000000002,17.335000000000036,31.5,14.0,55.0,13.023866798666859,7.949,145,7,12,3,1,40,18,20,0.488,0.512,0.0,-0.936,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31153812057159114,0.34937984495652985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527532989147146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145238511974754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186791605936805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617560810109751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403875578996985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6290212655715879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34937984495652985,0.0
suicidewatch,BigOlBeannyBoi,2019/04/14,"My demons are back... So a few years ago I had some serious demons, like I tried to kill myself multiple times a week and my mum would have to drag me away from window ledges and stuff. I digress, so these feelings went away for a few years and I've lived moderately happily, but recently these demons are making a comeback, I've started to feel super depressed again, I don't want to talk my mum about it as she thinks that sometimes I over react, I hardly leave my bedroom let alone my house. I just want some advice about what I should do in my current state of mind, any input is welcome, thanks y'all. 🤠",4.610327868852458,5.248299991803278,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,69.57377049180327,7.739344262295082,26.72540983606557,7.6454224807358475,1.2758655737704916,477,14,100,5,8,150,86,122,0.12,0.733,0.147,0.7448,1,1,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,7,7,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,2,0,17,19,7,1,4,2,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,3,18,4,14,14,4,16,3,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,11,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241119254141208,0.16547117398464928,0.0,0.0,0.19333321806198026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694160380822375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507641215669704,0.1435372582185759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077809416896685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887713306808481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721913081147202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153914429432592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20652205104057086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765595823626236,0.0,0.1908821247407844,0.0,0.09119724744962998,0.0,0.16483251396015322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246032844573649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848289633660645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431352798712275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462082520129608,0.0,0.13212557317845455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369182065150769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003780538674152,0.0,0.17186011810250648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961022416712587,0.0,0.0,0.10884843742051092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673627992330186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202049155749448,0.0,0.14973494550791824,0.0,0.0,0.17304441846731755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260459706975075,0.0,0.0,0.2404179669613033
suicidewatch,fatlossiraptor,2019/04/14,"i’m the flaw in the machine , sorry I don’t know how this became prose I feel like I’m a faulty cog in the machine, 
that needs to be removed, 
that shouldn’t have been there in the first place. 
Survival of the fittest, and I’m not it. 
It breaks down because it isn’t meant to work.
Some kind of vestigial organ, 
Slipped through the cracks of life
And now falters
Flailing like a fish
On dry ground
That wasn’t meant to breathe—
but drown.",4.072666666666667,4.7008078222222185,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,70.77777777777777,6.4444444444444455,28.333333333333336,5.46131890053228,0.7070000000000007,344,12,79,1,6,102,61,90,0.092,0.867,0.041,-0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,8,0,7,1,0,1,0,12,15,4,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,1,2,3,12,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,4,45,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21384950805026287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737923737457964,0.2506175482746769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983973948933197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653129023904281,0.1927950892978316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24778630526006595,0.34277446993527794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26011993912069986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665200496735772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39270121565957816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553926497126183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chandwerk3130,2019/04/14,I feel so lost. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.  I’m so alone.,-3.7766666666666673,-2.4391475555555555,-0.7944444444444443,111.445,107.88888888888887,2.4000000000000004,11.555555555555555,3.1291,-2.2395777777777783,56,1,17,0,3,19,14,18,0.274,0.526,0.2,-0.3419,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470441702185572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280664001703644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4364957234520273,0.3083604644576224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087528682870305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4711811015786109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545897822113776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gothtrashcan,2019/04/14,"I don't know what to do. I have literally zero friends, only a shitty fake friend that really doesn't give a fuck and didn't help me when I needed them when i tried to kill myself a few days ago. Life is fucking pointless and my antidepressants mustn't be working as well or something. I want to fucking die. When I attempted suicide a few days ago it was by tying a belt around my neck and attaching it to my doorknob and shit. I almost went unconscious but thats all that happened. I'll be going to a new school this upcoming school year if I last that long, I'm hoping I can make friends there, but I feel so fucking alone and helpless. I don't know what to fucking do anymore. I've been going through this rollercoaster for like 6-7 years. I'm fucking sick of it.",4.564746835443039,4.915631170886081,5.434025316455699,84.24483544303799,69.56962025316456,8.345316455696205,30.35696202531645,8.238735603445708,2.006127088607596,607,23,127,8,10,199,98,158,0.181,0.695,0.124,-0.8782,0,1,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,2,7,16,8,0,6,0,14,10,2,1,2,20,34,14,3,5,4,0,1,1,3,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,10,1,1,4,1,17,6,12,27,3,16,0,1,0,6,6,1,7,4,13,79,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235403064218628,0.0,0.11994154592753226,0.1240551061669959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878876016590525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662886417118853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449532303209387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431187734227588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060563951977952814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27762329023306553,0.6644035265867805,0.0,0.1149031031099663,0.13614653573199706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592033261210633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028545899797301,0.0,0.0,0.11896775151242706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251791505094734,0.0,0.13165500881212333,0.09763601778269898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460357657798592,0.05851805668943389,0.0,0.0,0.10600080438342227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995353223344814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881474367908056,0.0,0.11568347768708992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910974632573624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673360933289218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24244584816234674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295160620169945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221186404886172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310189811249972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813222001821485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064886327859726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076958670246682,0.11103649915808612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872006690391477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426772861286694
suicidewatch,Falchiora,2019/04/14,"I'm at my limits. I'm F(14). My stepdad and I don't get along. My real dad is a meth head, I've been depressed since i was 11. Everyday feels like a dream. I get yelled at constantly for doing something wrong. My stepdad called me a little shit today, and I had a breakdown in my bedroom. My last suicide attempt was About a year ago, Dec 26th. I've harmed myself many times since then, but haven't felt this bad.

My boyfriends mad at me, my friends and siblings ignore me and push me away.  My mom is constantly fighting with stepdad, and i'm just....done.",1.6293724859211594,3.69367254867257,2.722558326629123,93.84004022526148,80.15044247787611,5.1710378117457765,24.432019308125504,6.11248444174946,0.5304761061946911,430,16,92,3,11,137,73,113,0.232,0.706,0.062,-0.965,0,0,2,0,2,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,3,0,5,0,9,2,2,0,0,13,16,7,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,5,3,18,2,9,11,0,16,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,10,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970967946638355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987443131623804,0.0,0.1598535122226711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549278372753665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137808371991668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489638750712354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680333211771804,0.1367725677438198,0.1838228962868628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791449748759444,0.0,0.20005039636229294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964838663669872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605804356212874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935332436471924,0.19188410691747027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410117246027264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22422499090225465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179130485402336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652160700944252,0.3167403408805936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738826330166374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094162208599792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116365647273725,0.0,0.18147307609815969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093215146781386,0.0,0.12328810852199396
suicidewatch,betterlife437,2019/04/14,"How long should I ""work on it"" Social anxiety is exhausting. 31today. Started at 13. People around me are great but I have always been ""wrong"".",1.0969230769230798,3.385627153846155,2.776461538461536,84.41853846153846,104.3846153846154,6.695384615384616,20.584615384615386,7.554174236665415,1.832901538461538,110,4,19,3,5,36,25,26,0.116,0.7879999999999999,0.096,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976486998961437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736520659979415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184434352461435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943835925683037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31656775629269285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247995510258938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646468203266125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25319350825347003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604217987355375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911067268678775,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,averydepressedteen,2019/04/14,"I’m ready to die Ok I’ve been up and down and up and down and things never get better if they do they get worse and I’m right on the verge of giving up. I’ve attempted to kill myself in the past and honestly sometimes I wish I had been dead. I don’t want to be myself I despise myself and every morning I wake up thinking of getting through another day makes me feel sick and a lot of the time I’d wish I’d died in the night. I’m single and alone having only had one really bad relationship. I don’t think anyone will love me. I know a lot of people who hate me. I lose people all the time and I don’t know who I can call my friends. I don’t go out much I spend most of my time in the house feeling like this and sometimes I just don’t want to do it I just want to feel no more of this pain. I drink and drink and drink like a fish to numb all my pain but it doesn’t go away once I sober up I’m back to this. I seem to go on an up sometimes but then I always get back down. I don’t see a future for myself I’m failing in college and I’m useless and worthless. I just want a way to kill myself that’s going to ensure I’m dead, a successful method if you will because I don’t want to do this much longer and I’m honestly better off dead.",-0.6625531914893621,1.1098281347517762,1.884510638297872,98.29400000000004,86.80141843971631,4.7529078014184405,16.846808510638294,5.888618617440367,-0.6633200000000006,962,21,242,7,30,330,124,282,0.229,0.645,0.126,-0.9895,0,1,4,0,0,2,13.0,0,1,2,6,5,22,4,0,13,1,20,9,1,1,3,46,56,21,7,9,7,0,3,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,10,17,3,0,8,3,1,4,10,12,0,1,4,4,35,10,37,49,9,36,0,4,1,1,10,20,0,6,13,153,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301767173644533,0.0,0.0,0.08276439758173056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429967782718888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954954286000711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934523914067482,0.15296775481562772,0.08305067531089334,0.060634076057569625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759407132819041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156678749955993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641478975138333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646179860986447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923189729565965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380512148256923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508803027146932,0.07105914632207969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684785109697406,0.0,0.20786932089370755,0.09541767786444096,0.2261172403046879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820293386153037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477140445080893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009069185011246,0.0,0.10932877250541126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718896933708993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127797630784507,0.0,0.16912633876649627,0.08977272669728359,0.0,0.06639490297728642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623917723099358,0.0,0.07671497616549057,0.0,0.0,0.0933429122254905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592896213291267,0.06740132013659292,0.07564903094949409,0.21167950890604528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495237500286442,0.13791559658561642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372101900237281,0.0,0.0,0.1067901857070074,0.0,0.08494415695105233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926221125793742,0.09055089575000763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951258106126612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608136356860174,0.12746869816878906,0.0,0.0,0.17399978194564095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29334066249518986,0.0789521655152171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287639656774484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136523040478188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tulipsandmothballs,2019/04/14,"I’m past my breaking point I have a kid that I love and I feel like he will be better off without a mentally ill mother. My husband would be better off without me  I have a history of suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, and I am at a place where I feel desperate for help and scared I might become more suicidal. I’m scared to reach out to my husband or therapist because I don’t want to end up in a hospital again. I don’t know how to talk to someone without them flipping out and me getting carted away again but my mental health is really deteriorating fast this time and it’s scary losing control like this.",3.4451219512195124,5.1697190813008165,5.132203252032522,80.17489024390247,73.6341463414634,8.172032520325201,30.186178861788626,8.841846274778883,2.6021291056910574,489,22,93,10,10,166,81,123,0.18,0.684,0.13699999999999998,-0.8116,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,5,4,9,0,2,5,0,11,3,0,2,0,20,19,8,2,2,5,3,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,2,16,5,18,14,1,18,0,2,0,1,9,11,0,2,8,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137387102955551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968842446548616,0.0,0.0,0.09063308520953213,0.16420381564760084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629882517474916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675567506622127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280566470863443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168509584580512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035271936743033,0.1062160105715282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767842399016396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803838294428466,0.0,0.0,0.09965612127162576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170986183518718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527369281576455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633330569888574,0.0,0.0,0.13418822743372516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996660874740744,0.1577244828171653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14193053236782516,0.0,0.0,0.15533747632124342,0.0,0.1405493196467923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524730845072857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29770640081938365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597488228205742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252604801625963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950221448593396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262729616360453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669567834290721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769448134776378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299625499450601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561700072860784,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,polyphonicprayers,2019/04/14,"Waiting until graduation I have 5 weeks until I graduate college. I’m not happy about it. I’m not scared. I just don’t care. I’ll give my life until I get my diploma since I worked hard enough for it. Let my mom be proud. Then I can finally get what I want. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it or exactly when, but everyday I fantasize more and more about doing it. I’ve thought about doing it before I graduate, but my mom is really excited and proud of me. I’ll at least let her watch me walk across the stage.",0.4186977886977914,2.2438889369369406,3.2283374283374293,89.89002457002456,83.05405405405405,7.27960687960688,20.9017199017199,8.296473431620573,1.073010810810811,396,12,92,9,11,140,68,111,0.032,0.823,0.146,0.8884,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,0,1,1,0,11,1,0,1,1,14,23,11,0,1,6,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,17,5,10,18,4,12,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,8,60,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860746715772466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21400467511174887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168804140501628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299326502316931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193257506250924,0.201352982061484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343998485812053,0.18802709440820314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535427638660818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292692004234672,0.1482569397689923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916592551956674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344658294278793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014419600568202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736295310584497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663531321539235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380309073798867,0.0,0.16836725916824932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528080119123082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpengTard,2019/04/14,"Nothing is going right, that crushing feeling that won't go away unless I die is getting stronger I'm going through an awful break up (She broke up with me because I'm too depressed for a relationship) and now all i can do is cry.

I just want to die, and I'm planning on doing it soon. Writing notes as well.",4.379687499999998,4.583177593750001,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.9375,7.025,33.1875,5.985473137389443,1.777075,242,11,50,1,4,80,50,64,0.3,0.6,0.1,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,1,9,16,4,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,5,1,10,15,1,11,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433520972409173,0.0,0.0,0.15789247712936932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845146207944537,0.0,0.0,0.22308830351080036,0.0,0.5376310968133703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309652167813643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353240790044571,0.0,0.44161072677350055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485308349230589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780840090376832,0.0,0.22119646625658795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277311655630854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328846138785181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sloth-irl,2019/04/14,"i’ve never been home here and i’m sure it’s almost time to go I was abused throughout my entire life in all ways - sexually, emotionally and most of all physically. my first suicidal thoughts came to me when i was 6-7 years old and live as one of my most prominent first memories. after i lost my dad at 16, i was diagnosed with c-ptsd, anxiety and depression and i’ve been using weed to cope since I was 18, so for about ten years now.

i only ever smoke in the safety of my own home and NEVER drive after using. my state has really archaic/draconic laws and only recently passed a medical marijuana bill, but the good are still inaccessible (no dispensaries) and cards to qualify for usage cost a minimum of $200. i haven’t registered for a card yet, because as a student, funds are really tight and  since it’s impossible to access still, it’s easier to go about it my old way. 

last night i was hanging at a friends house and they were smoking various methods of consumption. i did not partake since i knew i would be driving even several hours later and did not want to be impaired at all. i was pulled over on my way home due to an expired registration that i did not know about (i recently moved and my mail is all mixed up). i’m not trying to make excuses, it’s just what it is. 

the officer insisted he smelled weed on me and asked me to step outside to do a sobriety test. i complied and passed without issue as i was not in any way intoxicated. he performed a breathalyzer test as well of which i passed again without issue as i was not intoxicated. he demanded that he knew i was near marijuana before and insisted that he believed i was intoxicated despite showing no symptoms of being so. he asked me to consent to a blood draw and told me that should i refuse, i would be automatically charged with DUI and lose my license for 12 months and be subject for $10,000 in fees not including any lawyer fees. 

i consented and allowed them to take blood. after doing so, i learned that ANY trace of marijuana in your blood automatically qualifies you for a DUI. so even though i was stone cold sober and i have absolutely no prior offenses (not even a speeding ticket), i’ll be losing my license, spending three days in jail, and living on probation for six months on top of an at least $1000 (up to $5000) fine. he didn’t allow me to call anyone and called a tow instead, when i asked afterwards he said i should have asked when he pulled me over in the first place. the cop was a huge asshole and rubbed it in the entire time. he bruised my wrists by cuffing my hands as tight as he could. i understand he was doing his job, but it really sucks to be punished for something even when i was doing the right thing. 

honestly, i don’t have that kind of time nor willpower. i’m feeling awfully lost and hopeless and it looks like the best and easiest way out is the open door i recognized way back when i was only 6 years old. i have people and a pup that count on me, but i’m sure they would be okay in due time. i don’t want to go through the court process and i don’t want to live in an unjust society for any matter of time longer. this world is dark and stupid and i feel like my time is expiring faster than i thought. i’m looking for any reason to hang on, but everything has always been grey and i’m getting a little sick of it all. 

sorry this got so long, if you made it through, thanks for reading.",4.62713475866537,5.2720419693877565,5.870785228377067,80.12398801425333,69.5393586005831,9.479701976028506,29.96747651441529,9.614737568247753,2.588200557175251,2685,101,552,58,45,902,312,686,0.08800000000000001,0.812,0.1,0.8,3,0,3,0,1,1,67.0,0,3,3,10,29,23,4,0,27,2,58,13,5,7,10,95,98,55,1,10,16,1,6,2,1,5,8,1,4,0,23,36,0,3,10,3,6,15,21,10,1,7,34,12,67,13,90,50,11,103,0,6,3,0,32,33,1,4,50,359,90,9,0.0,0.07897041770218463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674124867956352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545888811896786,0.0,0.0,0.2266244878928131,0.0,0.05098775609300375,0.0,0.0,0.046603859013044036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24923837727939774,0.0,0.0,0.051250428010136566,0.0,0.04062977002826666,0.0,0.05671500685655077,0.0750927403336225,0.06994600754990986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611604190023027,0.07623087363433009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053215320242518266,0.0,0.0,0.042984316629303874,0.0,0.05740632253310812,0.06764926054213524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497329157019987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608916348631312,0.06028955491505428,0.0,0.0,0.05990153127398809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740139538337961,0.047615416300395945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007966455597207,0.0,0.0,0.05149432003007726,0.0,0.034822344352309686,0.0,0.11363772737647147,0.0559036127163734,0.05330681343124458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056886134317006,0.0,0.06563771073018831,0.07690618991588305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913244637204766,0.06614073387924838,0.0,0.0,0.06940665586657857,0.03662959158600882,0.054329379303269344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707750179394432,0.06512452617734338,0.06680171165184462,0.1765618974882592,0.058983949146880175,0.11193993913765456,0.14913061699186955,0.14551466151153106,0.0,0.0,0.06306669316169514,0.04448999332413266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714376975200112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064002250378538,0.07083935873634978,0.0,0.0,0.10281056600478113,0.0,0.0,0.06254735462431278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098167230864527,0.0,0.04516437480058661,0.15207303863693292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046207341951285896,0.0,0.06963600461258114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791133541038835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666689367121975,0.0,0.12809481976315235,0.06852822592470083,0.1316194459143689,0.0,0.0,0.05691950445306384,0.0634002688330366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529654561181516,0.0,0.16540293977379394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051311119113051834,0.0,0.07461022579635436,0.0,0.0,0.1064549897241896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290526675627276,0.0,0.12563536899846295,0.06927580530715435,0.0501131820172687,0.0,0.0,0.06136319391870757,0.0,0.0,0.04427989638033555,0.0,0.06548417087641333,0.10582673929538143,0.23318805480626645,0.0,0.0,0.06368779124222186,0.0,0.045251586041798235,0.0,0.0,0.06938593750362985,0.0,0.11512995564926652,0.0,0.0,0.1179372831125812,0.31742629260858835,0.0,0.0,0.05992716358014405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849817837601776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420406612251337,0.0,0.0,0.12876298315518894
suicidewatch,Depressed_l0ner,2019/04/14,"Having a hard time atm to say the least.. Timeline: It all started in sept. The 21st to be exact. That's when my sister and my nephew found my sister dead-overdosed. So Theres that.  Then, my bf of almost 10 yrs cheated multiple times on me with a dopewhore, (we have a 3yr old) said that picked her over me. (Not saying i was the best gf) but damn. Shitty timing. Now, we're all getting evicted for no damn reason. The landlord doesnt want to fix the real maintenance problems on his own house, and is trying to get away with it.. ill be damned. Ima burn him a brand new asshole. Hes a greedy, money hungry old fuck. I just feel defeated. I feel like i wouldnt care if i just died a painless death. But then i feel selfish ofc/obviously.",0.5791408668730682,2.7848006447368445,2.336532507739939,94.23602167182665,85.31578947368422,4.629102167182663,19.46749226006192,5.900188976854957,-0.1516800309597519,566,16,123,4,17,186,110,152,0.335,0.617,0.049,-0.9946,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,2,6,11,5,0,11,0,9,2,0,2,3,25,20,9,2,4,6,3,4,1,2,1,1,3,1,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,2,0,4,8,0,0,3,7,17,3,13,14,5,16,0,1,0,1,13,5,4,2,12,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832931986780177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719768705028572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209450995041816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866266500921803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997188551748345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776592646886828,0.13076743592238813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006994733870323,0.0,0.16922221940041982,0.19126699029701125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397243068472847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120943684318094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942657615492508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767860710439324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841500228771496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514941300845344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834536546108576,0.0,0.1882008200022549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411778025381566,0.2911295760941229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956024400168595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202051602612074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427558840975787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796472592677768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gr10t,2019/04/14,"Suicidal-accepting emotions I struggle with understanding and accepting emotions. And recently, Ive come to terms that I am suicidal-but the only thing which stops me from ending it is just blocking out the emotion. I really don't know what to do as Im to afraid to tell anyone. 

Thanks for any help",5.609210526315788,6.983318298245614,6.528903508771932,73.63440789473684,67.7719298245614,10.612280701754386,33.54824561403509,10.686352973137794,3.9774245614035095,241,11,42,7,4,80,44,57,0.113,0.745,0.142,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,9,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280589447131084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468355391346849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808947500642362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.708658719785263,0.18599596675438654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075728540010687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268339605523444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540945197927745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971300151956588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345301463484552,0.0,0.20734776808971486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556779665647196,0.0,0.2195355870430379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835475765851804,0.19333801648395116,0.0,0.0,0.1395133921423703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186154056225132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MsNoHopeKid,2019/04/14,"Not Sure What To Do Anymore I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression for years now. I've been in and out of counseling and on and off antidepressants. I've been suicidal for a while and recently have hit a rough patch once again. I really want to end things but I'm also scared to do so. I'm just scared of the unknown and what happens after. 

I feel like such a horrible person, my life isn't totally awful. In so many ways I am such a fortunate person. I'm in college, I have supportive friends and family, and my parents are in the fortunate position to help me financially while I finish school (although I feel very guilty and like a mooch because of this). That's why it is really frustrating that I can't seem to get out of this rut. I feel like a complete loser because my severe social anxiety keeps me from getting a job even though it's something that I desperately need. The solution seems so easy, just get off your fucking ass and get a job, but for some reason it seems like such a large step that I am just too scared to take. My friends are moving on with their lives and I seem to be falling behind. I'm a very shy, awkward and unattractive person as well. I don't know how to dress fashionably, how to do my makeup, how to do my hair or really even how to start conversations without tripping on my words. I know those things may sound quite trivial but they unfortunately contribute to my lack of self-confidence and lack of self-worth tremendously. Some days I don't even want to leave the house out of fear that people will judge me. My life is unfulfilling and I feel that I am wasting away.

Thanks for letting me vent.",5.2965399737876755,5.944367819571866,5.8914198339886426,80.55844036697249,68.05198776758411,9.65364788117082,29.94451725644386,9.725611199111238,2.629613193534295,1315,47,262,28,21,427,164,327,0.232,0.623,0.145,-0.9841,3,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,2,22,21,2,6,14,1,24,5,2,5,2,55,53,31,1,5,9,1,6,4,2,2,2,1,0,3,16,19,0,1,11,0,0,4,6,11,1,0,3,7,32,10,44,45,5,29,0,2,0,2,12,13,2,8,15,179,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394831717451163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147876901461098,0.0,0.09170550614458656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687871652321605,0.0,0.0,0.11273784707177273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695315575850398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059635574004821085,0.0,0.07964437413979752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190107488217079,0.0,0.0,0.1832269156055872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717259434166452,0.10405458705909024,0.1870226732730466,0.1321213365814821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288436219493514,0.0854871308317841,0.1932472730975376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177101688434099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198076857757107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669809688287103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352464058019255,0.08219168653204889,0.0,0.0,0.1016383132774805,0.0,0.0,0.09791249964802484,0.0,0.094556957140427,0.1306287531057735,0.18070490843770648,0.0,0.08165280525373826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375018236667848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828109765727068,0.0,0.0685654182333113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984776540676011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026771190761412,0.0,0.0,0.06410713433614057,0.24222401178541425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835334916526328,0.0,0.0,0.17771616958572092,0.09507467860418513,0.09130308241249116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777361485345337,0.09358469263981377,0.0,0.33672527730393115,0.1929329928576127,0.20892981767585264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426163671881294,0.0,0.07118801183989297,0.0,0.0,0.06545082299956244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666984111250423,0.0,0.10114729677988923,0.10493399013884823,0.08715198859789551,0.0,0.06952601807261292,0.0,0.0,0.08513405769993132,0.0,0.0,0.12286607044556733,0.0,0.09085141802120447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525950574685247,0.1090825387259666,0.07339847277782205,0.0,0.0,0.08314173816936582,0.0,0.08343989554963556,0.0,0.0,0.08913789059523558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954772200021334
suicidewatch,kirasama1697,2019/04/14,Suicide Partners... Ever had a need for them? I desperately do!,0.9560606060606034,1.7874694545454517,4.076363636363638,72.36787878787881,127.1818181818182,5.1030303030303035,30.93939393939394,6.42735559955562,2.953521212121213,48,3,7,1,3,17,11,11,0.514,0.486,0.0,-0.8122,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648511471412491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630220673175372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6830473971476717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilpirhana,2019/04/14,"i am fake everyday i act happy because i did not want my mom worrying about me killing myself anymore. she forced me on anti depressants but i feel worse. i don’t talk to my boyfriend about any of this because i can see that he struggles himself. I also feel like people only care about me superficially. i’m always begging people including my parents to care but they ‘act’ like they care when it’s beneficial to them, like around other people. i was raped when i was 15 and ever since then i have felt like nothing about my body is mine and i’ve thrown away sex to a few terrible guys because i thought it would make me feel something and instead it did the opposite. i hate how much i hurt. it burns how much i hurt. i can be happy when i’m having fun with my best friend who is my boyfriend but i even feel insecure about that all the time for many reasons. i used to like being by myself but now im always so sad that it makes me panic when i’m by myself. i wish i could crawl out of my skin. i don’t know how to go on. i’ve tried to get help but there is no one without judgement in the world.",0.9583441558441556,3.0664550562770607,2.671109307359309,93.05523538961044,82.85281385281384,5.40844155844156,21.313311688311693,6.6274283507984215,0.3145597402597402,862,27,190,9,24,284,132,231,0.212,0.574,0.213,0.5271,1,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,3,1,20,25,3,3,4,0,18,4,2,7,2,33,40,18,1,4,7,2,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,8,0,0,3,5,12,0,1,6,7,41,13,25,30,5,19,0,4,1,2,13,7,0,0,14,130,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032146326887644,0.1879573012250122,0.0,0.0,0.07680595226586441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201033128644283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054431398922854,0.0,0.0,0.10611482590983802,0.0,0.0,0.2065492705386756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185280056673994,0.0,0.0,0.12545558272004365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454625222582873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017678063750773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972787034012432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459860147407456,0.10216452599610526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284319935856623,0.08068738346619451,0.10844417683483032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726043515791408,0.0,0.059008700758189536,0.0,0.064188811085931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118325489063413,0.0,0.2404624749502404,0.0,0.1115090483366608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757041394092115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418182773178368,0.0,0.12199915424331725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495606104074525,0.0,0.06207119735894881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27589423893590065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507823066842692,0.11450772616095492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227892202419889,0.0,0.0,0.1660540153062821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837303881946063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653393610076578,0.08589917955672399,0.0,0.13251572361663644,0.1254112060089755,0.0,0.0,0.23490393292724265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612548357365444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000193170292142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342863764799224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694998942852819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807383638826988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078029718309397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966510594629026,0.06585869122438237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668172115461915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975475549905156,0.0,0.0,0.06661743560412706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988029534016654,0.10887421132603843,0.0,0.0,0.11470035225434648,0.11509982372625867,0.08023234343375807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ShukraVenus,2019/04/14,"I am gonna suicide if I can’t enter university this year. I am so lonely and angry for everything I don’t have any friends or networks also i am so shy and furious of totally everymoment,i feel like loser or something like that,i am not good at making friends or first impressions I can’t hold anymore i use antidepressants while but stopped now,What should i do if I cannot enter university i will go army for 1year and 6 months after that all my life will screwed by my relatives and my family i just wanna die just die and make that everything okay myself however i am last hope for my family to bring power and fame into my family.No one wants to help me no one and it is going to end soon.",3.2358712121212143,4.560149986111114,5.330732323232322,80.1602272727273,73.44444444444444,9.125252525252526,26.285353535353536,9.573946990214177,2.3403277777777776,554,19,113,14,11,193,90,144,0.217,0.638,0.145,-0.9078,2,2,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,3,6,12,2,0,0,1,15,2,0,3,2,29,25,17,3,6,9,0,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,0,5,6,4,0,3,0,1,19,8,12,21,2,16,0,2,0,1,3,2,1,6,11,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216266866650978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088975032527365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630015101169932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36899455331265374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745152583293992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319536570259742,0.0,0.3351716203885599,0.0,0.08988589378882182,0.1269989805980578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512111391459049,0.0,0.0,0.2746894455002625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020616662363316,0.14910510877270236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915553732203035,0.0,0.0,0.1765658007362819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490634177198305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556426471660292,0.17369896304750704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23732581747614634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189438174773467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409232137271228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368560925644772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486237468105576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944516141550383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353627186112484,0.0,0.0,0.10485339898678854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447810303220292
suicidewatch,Otaku_2005,2019/04/14,"Closest and the deadliest So I’m a 15 y.o I’m really fat and I feel as if my dad hates me. I know he’s trying to help me but he knows I’m soft he knows I can’t take too much of insults but one day. This was about 1 week ago I just did a blood test and I found out I have prediabetes and cholesterol my mom was mortified and so was I. After I reached home my mom started to scream at me saying that everything’s my fault and that I should’ve been more careful. Eating and gaming are the two things that make me happy. After my parents put my elder sister in a boarding school I started to get depressed not because of her not being there but because that they keep forcing me and I always said “NO! It’s not what I want!” But it happened everyday and then they wouldn’t miss out a single chance on praising that school and how I should go there they ask my sister how it is there and is she happy. For their sake she says it’s all good and that she’s improving but in reality she told me to try everything possible to stay out of that school. The teachers would treat you badly call you names upon your attributes and my sister knows I’m a super soft child and that I’d break easily. When we were on vacation last to last summer we called up my sister and like always she lied about how good her life is. After the phone call ended my father don’t know what got into him he just said that “You’re going in that school too.” And I said no I don’t know he acted so angry and started calling me ugly fat and how he would like another son in front of me he said that I’d grow up just to be a failure in life and then I broke down. I started crying and he got more furious (I was twelve at the time and my birthday was coming after 1 month so I really didn’t want to get things to be messed up.) he walked towards the closet grabbed a belt and slapped me thankfully he didn’t whip me because we had to go to the airport after an hour and he didn’t want to show people how he whacks his own child just because he said no to a decision that his child had to take. I went into trauma the whole flight. Thinking how brutally he’d hit me after we reach home. My sister is one of his victims of abuse and I do think this is child abuse. My sister was kicked in her stomach by this man ( she was 11 back then) why? Because she bunked one damn class. My sister wasn’t the brightest student but what did she do to deserve to have slap marks on her cheeks limping in the school because her ‘dad’ took a racket and wouldn’t stop hitting her knees and what did my mom do you ask? She just watched while I begged her to make it stop. I knew that I was next in line. After he heard I got prediabetes he said I’m a complete failure of a son. I honestly don’t want to live in this house anymore nor do I wanna go to a school which will take away my privacy and completely disconnect me from the internet. After I thought about all this I wrote a suicide letter blaming my father who is supposed to motivate his son by saying, “it is okay we will get through this.” Instead he says, “After my friends hear about this what would they think of me as a father!?”  He wants me to become and IAS but I don’t want to do that stuff just because I’m forced. Wrote a suicide note hopefully I won’t be able to use it.",2.055083715367747,3.5903437369942246,3.4209069164839536,91.78684971098268,76.94797687861269,6.275303966513853,22.62467610125573,6.953978226594392,0.5356348614709989,2574,74,571,26,58,842,276,692,0.173,0.721,0.107,-0.9951,1,0,0,0,4,2,37.0,5,4,5,3,28,29,6,0,27,1,53,9,6,11,2,103,123,54,2,15,17,19,5,2,1,9,4,13,3,5,38,39,3,3,15,2,0,12,19,14,0,4,37,19,99,15,78,70,8,74,1,3,1,0,107,27,1,2,35,377,137,10,0.05957425539280041,0.14117150197227155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528089829008342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914110576181326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624688011543681,0.0,0.0,0.05908165326970127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111387773717863,0.0,0.055971974006102994,0.045808925097736965,0.04974201483467819,0.2542113919744278,0.06579508456981191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433279022284387,0.0,0.060739923788949574,0.0,0.0,0.05131794595582334,0.12492494666342148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654395221574684,0.038420466273174116,0.0,0.05131121887480745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060959335995998176,0.0,0.0,0.05276510770220415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708299875377204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03012253353269081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532009609554383,0.04602692193614755,0.0,0.09337526881807057,0.0,0.13542968891593105,0.0999361178841566,0.14294092274827122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268131729685361,0.12683580528882754,0.0,0.058817243504201186,0.0,0.0,0.0671445155526858,0.0,0.03993136761838609,0.0,0.11951567109371848,0.0591706777250345,0.05866864124200921,0.06874069213065354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529523354648116,0.0,0.0,0.19644271657504572,0.0971219388301602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841581168079547,0.058209943946097076,0.0,0.052605158962797806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953255615273758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093179436976495,0.04755160228298369,0.0,0.04379393241538815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335789646543519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211071717440284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615016047590404,0.0,0.0,0.04130128759106794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716102175902602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059888581189514574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763295869812415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400125554746041,0.18950335609551994,0.0,0.3617539618512927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686678583761355,0.06349822964182228,0.0,0.0996134901339084,0.0,0.0,0.06819826940903008,0.13032913221361145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437727784347164,0.0,0.0,0.05484797031205307,0.0,0.0,0.07915697625866286,0.11451833205811444,0.0,0.0472953042729813,0.03473822740301305,0.0,0.0,0.05692575402644867,0.06618918976253317,0.0808940177097659,0.0,0.058195391040891865,0.0,0.0,0.05145302897567913,0.0,0.0,0.2108306360784453,0.0,0.047786874212414544,0.0,0.0,0.055225931598050615,0.05375649930933472,0.06651252862674928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269595252864668,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lenoberk,2019/04/14,"If there is no Religion, I'd be better of killing myself right now Life is absurd, if no religion is true. I still cling onto the deistic kind of God, but he doesn't care anyways. So why not end this shit?",1.361046511627908,3.18866551162791,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,79.93023255813954,6.16046511627907,22.377906976744185,7.1686216300943375,0.6689116279069771,159,5,35,2,4,53,36,43,0.29,0.61,0.1,-0.8993,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,5,6,4,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,3,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007380015744421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466937360202252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30117476578254826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37620419741100897,0.354099633047711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24018051153600986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29039254792554825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490464690281445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715566131719148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068334699542799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BwianWilson,2019/04/14,"have nothing going for me If you're not smart, talented, attractive, or successful through pure nepotism, what do you have going for you?

Nothing.
I am none of those those things. My life has no worth.

I am a dumb fucking cunt. I have never achieved anything great in my life and never will. I cannot get a job due to incompetence, and even if I did manage to do so one day, I'd probably be bound to that shitty minimum wage job for the rest of my life. I can't do anything decent for work because of how stupid I am.

All you ever do in life is work. What a mundane and tedious existence. Why should I want to live? 

I am mentally stunted. Afraid of life. Afraid of going to college. Getting a job. Afraid of sex, love. I will never find love. I will never feel the loving embrace of another human being. I don't know how to talk to people. I'm afraid of them and they avoid me. I am subhuman.

There is nothing in this life for me. There never will be. Years and years I've been told it will get better but it doesn't. It doesn't. It gets worse. It will just continue to get worse.",0.09191053122087567,2.4233609279279307,2.0657875116495816,93.88662162162164,90.62162162162159,5.0440509474992234,19.817334575955265,6.647476241863616,0.289809692451072,834,27,180,11,29,276,116,222,0.109,0.797,0.093,-0.14,4,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,2,5,8,18,4,5,6,0,32,11,0,2,8,28,49,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,12,5,0,2,3,0,2,3,13,9,0,1,3,1,24,9,25,36,3,17,0,0,0,5,11,3,3,3,11,127,36,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924471304239138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146707741752826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350884659945702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214118938507804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718926464741821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881173376011393,0.09423927558501788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052677936363094695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522115984742482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631528753191612,0.2721559738297456,0.0,0.17762839885242482,0.0,0.0,0.11486186629121413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101559560138049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725612306981202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415242081317029,0.0,0.0,0.09199529027680696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820870391371784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499172314642154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017608554428453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998985187387548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705969378850852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222721146861646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232664163643506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837381601932314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921439980344764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955109668222424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144969412282932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400874088650796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169258756878026,0.0,0.21234227638543304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418056988266008
suicidewatch,Djaakie,2019/04/14,"More stories but no end I already wanted to post here earlier with some pre made stories when i had ""better thoughts"" but tbh i can't. Am 20 depressed about 8 years now and no idea what happiness anymore. I never had friends. I basically bought classmates to let me stand around them but that isn't working anymore. I don't wanna tell my parents because i just can't, they are so nice and supportive but we are also pretty religious. I tried school counseling but they wouldn't listen. I tried the doctor and i had to made him swear not to tell my parents because he would. My last resort of living is a wapp group of strangers i joined a few years ago. They feel like real family and i even visited 1 girl last year. I never went out of country and have massive anxiety but i put that all aside to travel 600km to a girl i don't know but she was the only 1 i ever trusted in my life, who didn't screw me over and if she did i could just banish her from my life because that's the internet. I met her and stayed there for 4 days and it was the best time of my life. All night i would still cry myself to sleep but because of joy. A feeling i never felt, happiness, a feeling of being loved by someone. That someone actually wanted me to be around. But after i went home again she went to college and i had no way of contacting her because she would be too busy with school and i didn't want to annoy with my sad life because i want her to achieve so much and not get different thoughts because of me. I am still trying with other people to talk about it but all they say is get help or rather i can't help or i got no time for this. It has been 138 days since i didn't cry falling asleep and i have no idea why im counting but i just want to break that chain so bad. It is horrible. I got work but i feel lifeless. Im just typing this blind because else i will never get this out of me. Sorry if its so long or against any rule. I just had to get it off my chest. I might add anything later on when my tears are out of my eyes. 

Thank you all for reading.",0.8105401945724537,2.876000735023041,2.4727158218125957,94.5122483358935,83.12442396313364,5.24026625704045,21.395596518177165,6.42735559955562,0.2255465028161803,1605,51,359,15,45,526,211,434,0.131,0.713,0.156,0.9478,3,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,1,5,5,26,17,2,0,9,0,40,12,4,2,9,83,70,36,0,14,25,2,5,1,1,6,6,2,1,2,17,23,0,0,10,2,1,7,21,5,0,0,24,9,67,12,47,35,9,47,0,2,2,2,35,9,1,7,27,251,84,9,0.0,0.0,0.07264915833584931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659924333896598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215369218436785,0.0595349320604069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050626251884016614,0.0,0.05695145760651647,0.0,0.14766207769133716,0.0,0.0,0.06126322185137289,0.13254654399452362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621598148710627,0.3630557298668566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812713068717235,0.0658419821689963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943956524152338,0.0,0.1635522242546232,0.09602381723932284,0.0,0.0641207614260735,0.0,0.0,0.07778086875105247,0.0,0.07619926623100794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219059503524733,0.0,0.06593760500698692,0.0,0.0,0.04917128786254711,0.06734122648185327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018164415307646,0.0,0.15056978403971424,0.0531846774724163,0.07148042631892458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057517270985999375,0.0,0.1555811371281118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908351957008667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584996145005207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979999511305623,0.0,0.07467602603219342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16808233598249475,0.16083024115057265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040913913303998836,0.12136785688449064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761267089541623,0.2103353866169775,0.03637085622054236,0.0,0.06573772601005842,0.06588291261878855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719097769024067,0.14088637654224212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897609506323518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472682882798169,0.0,0.2296712795378997,0.0,0.0,0.06986310613059281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566200062960724,0.0,0.0,0.1653283142043792,0.0,0.0,0.0516119099543892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129927935269327,0.07573897269425553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483941155185253,0.0,0.0,0.07446676248922501,0.08473654764858365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059202937252807,0.0,0.15068790017376538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158301021221691,0.0,0.07450038063346723,0.0,0.12615675259776307,0.0,0.0,0.08333689177658757,0.0,0.07935018740785259,0.11890632769209528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448113780602734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983737009585626,0.13013924781331718,0.06854044195801058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820459495458707,0.08682084115397648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516330967410856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195527153343234,0.05909225871703036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703827713610587,0.06717649166987696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839604646442756,0.0,0.0,0.15865422046440586,0.0,0.0,0.143823539970561
suicidewatch,hoeingaround,2019/04/14,"I don't know how to keep going I'm 16 and I've been diagnosed with mdd,generalized anxiety disorder and adhd, I'm in therapy and taking prescribed zoloft.
But here's the twist I can't deal with the suicidal thoughts right now it's really overwhelming, yesterday I went to a party and while trying to enjoy myself I just wanted to swallow all my ritalin and drink myself to death, I think I know why I'm depressed my father used to hit me when i was younger and he would use very abusive language towards me but he stopped when he saw I wasn't thriving, and i feel like my parents are trying to get my appreciation and love back by buying it, he just bought me a 9 days vacation to Punta Cana and it feels so wrong to be ungrateful but it's hard to forgive, my father also thought i faked my anxiety and panic attacks for attention please help me",4.369736842105265,5.4359890877193,5.838845029239768,78.58177631578948,70.40350877192985,9.208771929824564,30.624269005847953,9.516144504307137,2.842746198830409,678,28,130,15,12,230,107,171,0.197,0.6679999999999999,0.135,-0.8619,1,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,1,2,4,0,8,6,0,3,1,34,30,19,2,2,5,3,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,12,2,2,9,1,2,2,3,6,0,0,8,4,22,4,16,19,1,13,0,2,1,1,11,3,0,0,9,79,26,0,0.0,0.18605413656811345,0.0,0.0,0.18871879821336812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255763377119958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402540903659661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864358819341095,0.0,0.12074589966248117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127095878605556,0.16189039468797187,0.13524917409867765,0.1593815143172293,0.0,0.0,0.17996927280572864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382900978313788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879754452905478,0.11218181978612436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204136941733904,0.0,0.08924341487098053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066747993655274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525348275577613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957492718474745,0.0,0.0,0.17259848013160428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671662275504165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172514545019824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424014247305096,0.17436254228709522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723711031852764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059704120159464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410223173489322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128359221566482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176465380695422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806655051598774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957678021673334,0.0,0.0,0.1006180855419293,0.0,0.24932757326515126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132252814236173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27124593125783736,0.0,0.12956568318267087,0.09261999626852432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556780761124416,0.14169459025642647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154916550088974,0.17168697513206255,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Not4Naught,2019/04/14,Sooner or later Probably sooner.,6.504000000000001,10.0329354,9.96,32.56000000000003,95.0,10.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,5.771000000000001,27,1,1,1,1,10,4,5,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoistestPotato,2019/04/14,Life is pointless. We suffer through years of school just so we can go to the same monotonous job everyday until we're old and have no energy to do anything and then we die and in a few generations we're completely forgotten. Why go through so much bullshit for nothing. There's no point in doing anything. I wish I was never born. I wish I never existed.,2.6118571428571435,5.011865614285718,4.492857142857143,80.66214285714288,78.57142857142857,8.0,28.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,2.6648571428571444,283,13,53,7,7,96,51,70,0.23,0.675,0.095,-0.8903,1,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,12,10,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,9,9,3,13,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,39,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588188652296978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285866993176345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626724808840146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478081952863556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634825347086128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399186996452086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602675963183631,0.0,0.33629633493473826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919321228427434,0.0,0.2287721898762479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609655484688946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064486534585026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672645171662104,0.0,0.501417631001425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039581401370665
suicidewatch,DiaThroNah,2019/04/14,"I excommunicated my last friend today. I am finally at the end. After pushing away my friends through my rampant toxicity and unwillingness to get better, I finally pushed away the last person that cared that I was alive.

I'm scared to kill myself, so I keep putting it off. But it's an eventuality. I'm not going to get better. It'll be easier for me now, without people around to tell me that I shouldn't. I can't wait to feel nothing.",2.7392241379310365,4.862761586206901,5.062744252873569,78.13480603448278,76.816091954023,7.5683908045976995,25.81752873563219,8.472884824447931,1.8823804597701148,346,13,68,7,8,121,60,87,0.08199999999999999,0.7,0.219,0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,1,1,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,15,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,1,13,5,14,11,0,17,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369480161775546,0.0,0.0,0.34552814946600585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252590338294736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874809119936844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628657050645485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297673928423082,0.0,0.0,0.4028695442289058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841350058598845,0.0,0.1921424928190004,0.0,0.10450491211185477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344360555395554,0.20343922805214296,0.0,0.0,0.2997782764716926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644063981743852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748127724018615,0.16055949009114878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848531430238757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409890109527735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072179410701984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429952579491548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177256591816965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mothman100,2019/04/14,"I Feel Like I'm Incapable of Having Anyone Love Me I feel like I'm incapable of having anyone love me in a romantic fashion. On top of being a transgender man and gay, I'm also ugly and have a shitty personality. I'm almost twenty and I've never even kissed anyone. I have a huge scar across my eye that is that first thing that people notice. I'm the kind of person that most people forget to invite to things. No one has even been attracted to me and I just feel like no one will ever fall in love with me because I'm such a shitty person.",2.586491228070173,3.9385881754386,4.979824561403512,81.92043859649127,75.14035087719299,7.171929824561403,19.684210526315788,7.793537801064563,0.7333052631578942,428,8,85,6,9,151,63,114,0.183,0.583,0.234,0.7806,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,6,0,9,6,1,0,2,14,21,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,4,9,9,12,18,1,10,0,0,1,5,7,6,0,2,6,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556013991258846,0.0,0.0,0.12423298362762968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258720643664958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469964729845967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521383290667453,0.14052256712909406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23564820939631526,0.3329452610595437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321402527825073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177265650673842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22768783782863175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42062711801769626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981515441059885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686649890062994,0.0,0.0,0.21053775894352306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539964328332545,0.4069357199750892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064146839478929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WiccaWhale,2019/04/14,"I can’t fucking live like this anymore. Nobody listens to me. All I want is for someone to hear me, I don’t want a response or a way to fix it, I just want to be heard.",0.407692307692308,1.0704584871794864,3.0953846153846136,96.02461538461542,79.51282051282051,5.2,25.820512820512814,3.1291,0.19449743589743607,127,5,33,0,3,45,28,39,0.0,0.802,0.198,0.5688,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,11,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,5,9,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380615429393873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31513823504653515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384196739113584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653683822118542,0.0,0.3010034455934087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28882667169679416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6031798890783819,0.2705748215111932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadpersonintheor,2019/04/14,"No one needs me. I am useless and have no redeeming qualities. No one ever loved me. I never had a real family, my parents just went through the motions. I sometimes wished I was abused so I would deserve sympathy. I know that is a super shitty thing. Another reason for the list of why I should just die.",1.5387142857142848,4.0707556333333335,3.682857142857145,83.92500000000003,84.33333333333334,6.761904761904763,25.23809523809524,7.957251820313856,1.9343095238095245,238,10,44,5,7,81,47,60,0.281,0.5710000000000001,0.147,-0.8242,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,2,12,12,2,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,3,0,10,2,3,7,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.28011709448562194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479052617687481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453649296713485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385393976672806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228741869660837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299293465302758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133767982338187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530121660535353,0.18234041220529626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204063954963727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625146080248892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690958496540584,0.0,0.2430774471609567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23382380098964395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706585173400786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191621861832447,0.21333079532166274,0.0,0.2718694437795335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679448181522463,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OsakaReject,2019/04/14,I made a post on this subreddit asking for someone to give me some hope and somebody downvoted it. Fuck this. Guess it's a sign.,1.1998717948717932,3.6262387307692334,2.7669230769230784,90.66141025641028,84.76923076923076,6.543589743589743,24.051282051282055,7.793537801064563,1.4167589743589741,101,4,21,2,3,33,23,26,0.133,0.758,0.11,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34414216553465804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34032067007203665,0.0,0.353133896606124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40552527931124105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656258580052963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483236986966154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525568519549081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119065715146069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notalive27,2019/04/14,"Rain on a White Ship Recently, a dream found me.
Raindrops pelted down from the vast blue sky, thousands of diamonds falling in abundance.
The floor of the deck was saturated with moisture; I gripped sturdily onto the handrails, watching my steps as I crossed to the other end, a destination which remained unseen.
Ghosts of the past appeared like a flash of light.
The woman that I wished was my mum.
The perfect family I yearned for.
The quiet girl whom I never got to know.
The handsome boy  whom I never once spoke to.
All of them appeared in an order, a chronological sequence to the life I never wanted to look back on. A past so pathetic that I hid my face in shame.
Everything was afloat, I was in euphoria. There was nothing weighing me down or holding me back. This must be heaven.
In a flowy white dress, I smiled, drenched in water that cleansed. Peace washed over me, as the dirt stayed behind in the sea.
The escape I could only have in a 7 hour dream.",3.4357955641272886,5.7733131967213165,3.890202507232402,86.34488910318225,75.50273224043715,6.491674702667954,27.15814850530376,7.5105763829236425,1.5710883317261328,757,30,142,10,17,237,116,183,0.071,0.774,0.155,0.945,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,23,0,9,5,1,0,6,17,18,4,1,5,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,3,8,1,2,1,2,2,0,5,3,2,0,1,8,9,19,4,30,7,1,34,1,1,5,0,8,17,0,3,11,99,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30482470456438504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825569562088762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555649180062205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813964958435316,0.0,0.18685609274113302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732859865145626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585277849019531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519832866229853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893181644561907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400025924966919,0.0968360910467807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664476776166726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586186148870726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190189209724234,0.0,0.0,0.21108870052970274,0.0,0.15074872176528606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784304697786913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570987147580626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126700800807655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691023495715455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279333586894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cretakano24,2019/04/14,"I regret not killing myself earlier. I am 26 years old, having suicidal thoughts since childhood. I tried killing myself many time in my teens but could not succeed. People around me saved me most of the time. Now I don't have the courage or energy for suicide. I wish someone kill me. I wish to erase myself from everyone's memory and from this world.",3.039296375266524,5.68049928358209,3.4652452025586378,87.26626865671642,78.55223880597015,6.813646055437101,25.989339019189767,7.957251820313856,1.7608652452025588,280,11,52,5,7,87,52,67,0.272,0.526,0.201,-0.8544,0,0,0,0,0,4,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,8,3,5,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,13,3,7,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616901334748517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501760586056706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355624219499285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6028435041190191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414536627949027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19059122268325096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592009354483072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024707307959553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389539064201435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39734975535009015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419475724948086,0.21182103993847406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331555347724606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177334641032905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169644346498464
suicidewatch,_heya_,2019/04/14,"My friend told me she’s gonna commit suicide this week... what should I do? Here’s the text I got from my friend:

“Can I vent to you for a minute? I think I’m going to kill myself this week. I’m taking my sister’s opioids. I just wanted to let someone know before I do it; I would’ve told Jamie but she’s in a bad mood” 

I responded back 

“No Cass. It’s okay. Don’t. Sorry I couldn’t respond earlier. We all love you and want you here. Do you want to talk about it”

I have no idea what to do. She isn’t going to do it tonight so I’ll see her at school tomorrow. How do I make her realize this isn’t the answer and there are so many people who love her and want her here? I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I feel like such a bad friend becuase I’ve had an extremely tough week and I feel like I’ve made it all about me. I had no idea how bad she was feeling. I don’t know what to do... can anyone help.",-1.2029411764705884,0.6637164509803917,1.26029411764706,101.16632352941177,90.37254901960785,4.3803921568627455,15.362745098039214,5.7366,-0.9587019607843144,692,14,179,5,24,234,103,204,0.17600000000000002,0.667,0.157,-0.7235,0,0,1,0,0,3,24.0,1,4,0,0,13,14,1,0,6,1,22,3,0,4,3,33,46,9,2,7,3,1,3,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,11,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,7,4,37,8,14,34,2,10,0,0,1,2,27,2,0,0,8,112,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908751609133458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993573474238343,0.3255482281758895,0.0,0.0,0.1105913862808658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971439526993128,0.185695292617005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012339354266882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477252024454794,0.0,0.10394558199539193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711338573645712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293431304347074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437879834642994,0.0,0.142851690828307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289891155722844,0.09179874030872827,0.12698952235082128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345985508680201,0.1229768523618942,0.086753230054031,0.13176499722088006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010197275778828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153240297039506,0.10356597478880876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011966323102527,0.0,0.0,0.14548615540886942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216157177139185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771816274751928,0.10446164645019172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327688422639781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24837592422260885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30662895898925097,0.0,0.3127523539531007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528246463156673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232402794125716,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DerArbiter,2019/04/14,"The street next to my apartment is looking mighty inviting I'd go out there and take a seat, but I dont even want to get out of bed. So theres that.",0.16754901960784352,1.4762849705882353,1.671176470588236,103.26696078431374,81.64705882352942,4.533333333333334,20.15686274509804,3.1291,-0.8171254901960783,115,3,31,0,3,37,30,34,0.044,0.901,0.055,0.0816,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161804263567699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29089971834740197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301063839188604,0.0,0.2503063957900233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698500932398385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684020715411982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311483851860913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597768975736305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,drunkbabydinosaur,2019/04/14,"I don't want to be alive anymore. 26, F.

I have absolutely nothing worth living for anymore. My ex broke up with me in January. I still love him and miss him so much, and he doesn't think about me anymore. He doesn't care about me anymore. I am so lonely now. I don't want to stay at home. I don't want to go to work. I don't want it to be the weekends. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to be alive.",-1.6242940038684743,0.12785270212766164,1.3001740812379126,100.96136363636364,91.12765957446808,4.269245647969052,18.11992263056093,5.565023196281405,-0.6800297872340422,310,9,83,2,11,108,48,94,0.213,0.685,0.102,-0.4846,0,2,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,14,1,0,0,0,10,25,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,8,3,0,0,0,0,15,2,14,22,1,8,0,3,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6514865245076052,0.0,0.0,0.13514696565329046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744302020240182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333546505569054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647356769740458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501774361068298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822362389206384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072765082241592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575827283071425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504689972407805,0.13115396888159564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523169491716737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5812012306573039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956110310375538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HelloImBork,2019/04/14,I wish someone else could have my body I saw a kid who was bald and had cancer. I just want to trade places with him,-0.7928205128205157,1.138609461538465,0.4976923076923079,106.93064102564104,89.0,3.466666666666667,12.512820512820511,3.1291,-1.9455487179487176,90,1,24,0,3,28,24,26,0.161,0.693,0.146,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,6,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516347138740987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246325403644341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396574448523116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248046046737817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445061123304544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23981990929200198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675634894202909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fortnitew,2019/04/14,"Kill me I just want to end it all, what’s the point of being alive?",1.5831250000000026,1.0920160625000008,3.187500000000004,100.7075,75.875,6.4,16.0,3.1291,-1.265425,51,0,15,0,1,17,16,16,0.24,0.561,0.199,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912985866088783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6136921530730253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5243697599017859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327175786013049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sunoooc,2019/04/14,"I'm exhausted What I'm gonna write will be a mess but I don't care.
I have the feeling like I can't do anything... I'm not able to find a apprenticeship, I'm not able to wake up in the morning, I'm not even able to clean up my room....
My grandmother and my mother always complain about me about the facts that I don't do anything because I'm ""too lazy"" and it makes me cry all the time because I HAVE TO do something but just can't....
It's been 6-7 years I'm depressed
I've got bipolar disorders (diagnosed 3months ago but I was not surprised)
I have suicidal thoughts since I'm a child
I don't know what to do
I dont want to see my family anymore because I can't get along with them, the only person in my family I really cared about was my dad and he killed himself last year 
Fuck
I really want to die but even THAT I'm not in the capacity to do it.... 

I'm a lazy piece of shit that can't do anything....",0.9316154521510072,2.2323882487562194,3.3455545800409716,92.13561018437227,79.44776119402985,6.918466491074043,23.7638279192274,7.724431198458867,0.927565759438103,702,24,171,11,17,244,98,201,0.235,0.682,0.083,-0.9862,1,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,3,0,10,0,22,6,2,1,2,25,45,7,3,2,10,2,1,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,5,2,22,4,19,37,2,11,0,1,1,1,9,6,2,0,6,99,30,0,0.4063337939162408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006346384284572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127007557532904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432464613913767,0.0,0.0,0.3343780905100428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476973093174191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27618958908358565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877953088398138,0.0,0.0,0.11665823376443915,0.1374734158552723,0.1405701087507924,0.0,0.15523124364566512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874006008454894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891975910426472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25537022541510496,0.0,0.0684848583894995,0.09676164785436447,0.0,0.0,0.12379390876069772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521634830001332,0.07076421217078782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832741809777063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984937986939176,0.0,0.07443680886320643,0.11040542489692423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617138899825224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041032089090342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301172012510372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182649986075336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353855543612198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079318085125332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390319334271673,0.11204117108836044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427186874325796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815440663364124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752788148142456,0.07897883429412395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977746626492162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444376073688067
suicidewatch,throwaway2344324932,2019/04/14,I'm ending it I'm so tired of everything turning out bad,-1.5138461538461527,0.4529333846153882,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,99.76923076923076,5.676923076923077,21.884615384615387,7.1686216300943375,1.1802615384615391,46,2,10,1,2,17,11,13,0.446,0.5539999999999999,0.0,-0.8042,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813635570245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045410952285082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41049355798428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249619588380511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968081322515324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,reimie2000,2019/04/14,"Downward spiral Hi guys and girls. I am a 19 year old guy and my Girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday. The memories of us meeting up in person to talk about the breakup is still very fresh in my mind. By the way, this is my very first real proper relationship where I truly loved someone. Anyway, she suggested the breakup, I might have seen it coming as the previous weeks leading to it, we were not communicating too well with each other. Despite what she says that it was partly her fault as well, I strongly believe it was MOSTLY my fault, like 90%. 

Anyway, I have really not been feeling myself since yesterday, I haven’t slept properly since then and when I do happen to fall asleep, i dream of us being together, dumb shit like meeting her parents, having dinner with them and all. When I woke up, it was the most painful and pathetic feeling that I have felt ever in my life. Only now I truly realise that I didn’t want to lose her. This my pathetic behaviour begins.

I start obsessing over texting her and checking for replies. I must have replied to every single one of her text immediately, something that I did not do too often while with her.

I haven’t eaten for quite sometime and yet I feel so energetic, too energetic, it’s unlike me. I find myself pacing around my room and my house very much now. It’s really killing me, I fear that this sudden surge of energy in me would lead to me doing something rash. I feel it and I know it.

Throughout my life, I consider myself to have good control over my emotions. Someone close to me died, of course I cried, but very quickly I was back to normal. I usually kept everything to myself. But now, I really can’t just forget about it.

I might just seem like a desperate, foolish and retarded teenage boy who has issues and just can’t move on from love. It actually might be that way or maybe not. I actually don’t really know haha. If someone has anything to say, to help, to give tips, advice or to console me please do so. I think i desperately need it. Sorry to sound so annoying and needy. Thank you to whoever who has read this entire text of rubbish. I wholeheartedly appreciate you for doing so. To the others in the same boat as me, wait not really I’m sure others are definitely in a much more dire situation than me. I truly wish you all the best in life. Good luck to them and me I think we need it. I think...",3.4348954550456696,5.305499860515024,4.8202145922746755,81.78602123913284,74.0,7.869615934851987,25.897215802795202,8.617729084823388,1.9006153405964563,1869,65,360,36,39,622,237,466,0.13699999999999998,0.716,0.14800000000000002,0.9155,1,0,2,0,0,0,60.0,4,3,2,8,30,26,4,2,12,1,38,12,4,3,5,76,68,29,2,8,14,1,5,3,1,5,4,3,1,5,29,23,2,3,12,2,1,5,11,11,2,2,14,9,75,15,53,47,12,47,0,2,1,2,38,18,2,11,25,273,104,3,0.0,0.0,0.16237784344812367,0.0,0.0,0.08129979743878776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846459115825075,0.0740635626872503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397387054766338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373528057604344,0.08731081877869949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166742341902307,0.0,0.0,0.09331325814240543,0.0,0.0,0.09138873069539998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634604327706209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358617743632397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525705308742156,0.07009762285416449,0.0,0.07477269861182398,0.0,0.0,0.09362050586447784,0.16826896127132318,0.0,0.07988280759401438,0.0,0.07604116051612307,0.07076789317051647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981078337739661,0.0,0.13956451182638427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647575415808622,0.07357142229027737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055765642554576965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599893755071894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868367490650482,0.0,0.0,0.09204589193412346,0.0,0.0914465241099501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629491825185398,0.12193853306912646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307690839424863,0.0,0.0,0.1501782857011914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835832391719277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647787316620717,0.08400592682580743,0.0,0.0,0.08842595352730308,0.12231971639315185,0.12338003198584255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151604926307977,0.0,0.0,0.08730195631285155,0.0,0.0563768924288283,0.063275574892921,0.08852818371211918,0.0,0.0923811635825025,0.09009496596268304,0.0,0.0,0.07264499386588276,0.0,0.09132605473276574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884909600101398,0.08322018161356462,0.0946971594963856,0.2664927798500007,0.0,0.0,0.08932315865412785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232424844434362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574003148138155,0.0,0.0,0.08540120973996282,0.1376439400037635,0.09351766371464017,0.0,0.0,0.2114793401515712,0.12809925767429187,0.0822846201635332,0.09313297687355623,0.058887737020048375,0.0,0.06644176445142233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784128166785838,0.0,0.0,0.06687113337814002,0.0,0.07659723394641953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992911719253738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001530994295689,0.0,0.09163047628043128,0.27458715423106983,0.049072139658327185,0.13207687129136514,0.06673615017640977,0.0,0.14960938879989533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567321128468334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910123568089332,0.0,0.0,0.053576569897600144
suicidewatch,Secondchanceinlife,2019/04/14,I am so angry about everything in life and my colleague said I’m one of the most angry person he’s met in his life I am annoyed and easily irritated these days. Everyday of my life I have to work hard to please people around me but nobody give a damn about me. Nobody realize that I am hurting inside and they always just make fun of me. I keep having to create layers and keep telling myself that I will feel better but I don’t. Nobody even want to work to love me. It’s me every time who has to take the initiative. I’m tired living my life like this,1.5458307210031352,3.493635275862072,3.5778996865203787,88.19343260188087,79.86206896551724,6.287147335423198,18.304075235109718,7.348242739294969,0.33009655172413765,436,9,91,6,11,148,75,116,0.155,0.657,0.187,0.7397,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,6,7,2,0,3,0,8,6,0,1,0,15,20,7,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,18,4,14,17,1,6,0,1,0,1,10,3,1,1,4,60,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078336257468022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131759343481028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026777900627898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11686710677353924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968918366372687,0.0,0.15267939340273445,0.0,0.16286215997495174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162651274517336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738355952299461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233085570009842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399178828573116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32214009057954873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119831473634366,0.08853130107871855,0.0,0.16001400622346978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355140609278332,0.0,0.12096078774510145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279431723201925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562996899806295,0.1582278135203469,0.0,0.19891696851793045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237463726782468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624928934152966,0.0,0.15838776052529982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566649821910172,0.20827717477680635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068838601216924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26384979685644305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Piccprincess,2019/04/14,"Nothing works I'm losing hope. Everyone would be better off without me. I'm just an annoyance by being around any longer. I should have done it months ago.

2019 was supposed to be better. Nothing gets better.",1.8676923076923089,4.674364871794875,2.6783333333333346,87.43750000000001,92.58974358974359,4.651282051282052,21.884615384615387,6.42735559955562,0.8518000000000008,166,6,28,2,6,52,32,39,0.05,0.6509999999999999,0.299,0.8881,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,5,2,6,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,4,5,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,18,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903390002636476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268932874010005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988091233486616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957404125037943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297739950260756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145497643289516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730860229953548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301074756413694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511936597718357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921914672466313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43088865023349415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644065015868488,0.0,0.16346183014547327,0.0,0.0,0.15950095403726092,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kknewton,2019/04/14,"Getting a feel for the hanging method My brother hanged himself 6 months ago. I wanted to see how viable the method was, and what he might have felt. It isnt that bad or painful, though I havent done it so far as to lose complete consciousness. 

I used my belt and the handle on my closet, and leaned on it. Blood rushes to your face and you feel a good amount of pressure. My vision got very blurry and my hearing faded out. When I stopped, I felt dizzy for a few minutes.

Felt good to see he might not have been in too much pain. Felt good to feel like I had some control over my life in the moment.",2.470483870967744,3.9099844354838735,2.9492258064516115,96.00383870967742,75.61290322580646,5.282580645161291,22.07741935483871,4.935628992294339,-0.15946193548387022,466,12,105,1,10,144,82,124,0.126,0.752,0.122,0.1172,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,5,9,0,1,7,0,10,5,2,3,0,24,24,11,0,1,2,1,7,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,5,6,0,2,8,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,9,10,15,4,15,13,4,16,0,1,2,0,7,7,0,4,7,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645402382056814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191099995354784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956983938531754,0.0,0.1599984140671783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459844088696731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639020656949112,0.10191193333143483,0.5478802382731321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745307447001643,0.0,0.0,0.3589538238746864,0.1140933092392402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078124786201314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076062748179863,0.06969346154778355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959315991977133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026663662306052,0.0,0.0,0.11386493580249613,0.0,0.10486698793747007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035874917703681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22735328546751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926499964880218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015667561360431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320711731844645,0.0,0.1177043596879446,0.08414093213028002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lonelysuicide13,2019/04/14,"I think I'm going to kill myself on my birthday. I don't really know what to write here. I'm going to be 22 at the end of the month. I don't really want to live past that day. No one is going to visit me or call me or even care. Barely anyone even knows I exist anyways. I don't have any friends or life or really any reason to get out of bed. 
I'm just a worthless loser tbh. No one is going to miss me. I just can't deal with this shit anymore, I am in constant pain every single day of my life. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I've lost everything.. I could have been more than this. I could have really been someone.",0.033428571428572695,1.9063590148148144,2.767751322751323,92.39416666666668,84.77777777777777,5.33862433862434,17.05026455026455,6.5431188927421005,-0.20130687830687846,477,10,108,5,14,167,80,135,0.24,0.737,0.023,-0.9811,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,3,0,15,4,1,2,0,17,31,4,1,3,6,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,5,6,7,0,2,3,0,16,3,16,25,2,15,0,4,0,0,5,4,1,4,6,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538809706845256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849451746436037,0.10045074357665984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669340598772052,0.0,0.14647142754176454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524593589550068,0.0,0.2294023971935401,0.0,0.0,0.1852982417760572,0.14810764041193067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272405391286128,0.0,0.0,0.18977277614544066,0.0,0.12104014523001465,0.0,0.12911277060057394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099172571842106,0.0,0.07505666821052237,0.0,0.3265822317456114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292924575124114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589390292265901,0.0,0.15790407874567186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029432824268756,0.0,0.0,0.12685483037672568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682237758517015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589448182561246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466841961290025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784609918749008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946961100635065,0.0,0.15286487297518564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714017779536278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36813031269722224,0.14770689371879786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746541193343654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217230532831262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205183087670957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847346695814323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yakias,2019/04/14,"My best friend tried to kill herself and I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to feel. All I know is that I’m really worried and I want her to be okay. I know what it’s like to have suicidal thoughts and have even tried it myself multiple times, but, why? I just don’t understand. I feel like my shock is fading away and now I want to cry? I feel bad cause this isn’t about me but I honestly kinda blame myself. I’ve known her for a really long time and we’ve been through a lot of bad stuff together. I’ve never dealt with something like this. I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m just been an ass, god feels are so hard to understand sometimes.",0.4268154761904768,2.1879594791666648,2.351984126984128,96.52000000000002,82.68055555555556,6.336507936507938,18.61904761904762,7.447530270364453,0.13935476190476193,511,12,126,8,14,170,80,144,0.219,0.635,0.146,-0.9468,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,1,0,3,1,14,1,1,3,2,37,31,13,2,5,7,0,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,14,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,6,19,7,13,27,3,7,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,5,9,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721808470351826,0.0,0.24389005841260145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326968481508327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003281817262695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042825099186542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646415689859364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36923446342294897,0.10433761846225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283729375326075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083144737399466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158186399585214,0.0,0.4013242609513338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140568693747966,0.0,0.0,0.1292489966413083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416585562507723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264219073525535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309726277553916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712578782078568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243585344531627,0.14444644975280385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719145741369207,0.15975418252600318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594679628595905,0.17032499263710005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983157173069552,0.0,0.0,0.3040848547128869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228727169990668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178673803408505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832010999606346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,no________1,2019/04/14,"Didn't 'get better' for me Sup fam, been suicidal for 2-3 years and it didn't go away lol.",4.321428571428569,1.8297954285714293,6.085714285714285,88.83428571428574,70.90476190476191,10.304761904761904,25.761904761904763,8.841846274778883,1.2166761904761905,68,1,19,1,1,24,18,21,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.8496,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774651342900009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494564292560031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26551046934503186,0.0,0.28881844777373505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5558819187571102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32726037192202084
suicidewatch,pegasobr,2019/04/14,"I'm at the end of my road. I deserve my fate. For me it is very difficult to talk about this, I judge myself with each passing day, I find myself a terrible person and do not deserve anything good, I do not understand why I did this ... Well, nowadays everyone who looks at me from outside should to think that I have a good and quiet life, a girlfriend, a good job ... but I do not think I deserve anything in life and I only think about quitting every day.

Some three years ago I had nothing of the kind I told you about here, I had a terrible life away from family members, isolated and only taking things in the university, not knowing what course I would do, family pressure ... (I lived a lot young man in another city alone to study in public university) thought of suicide at the time because of that. Today I think and with much more force, but because of the guilt that I carry in me ... I had a strange addiction in passing me by other people in dating sites etc, it was fun (I guess?) And it is what filled my empty days, I really do not understand why I did it, but I hate myself a lot because of this, I do not understand myself, I do not know why I did it.

Today I see that I may have hurt many people I passed through them, I had no idea of ​​the harm that could cause, and since then I only think that my punishment for this is my end.

Every day since I ""realized"" I fell into the real of this terrible addiction, from 2 years to now I do not have a day that I feel completely happy, that I feel fulfilled, that I do not feel guilty. In my head, I'm going through scenarios where I'm punished by everyone for what I've done, losing my girlfriend, my job, my friends, my college, being sued or even arrested ... anyway, whenever I have a happy moment, then I think I do not deserve it, leave soon from this world. I almost got to the point of suicide in 2017, but they stopped me.

I've never done anything serious before that, I've been searching the internet and I've discovered that there are a lot of people with these symptoms of ""catfish"", including wanting therapy etc ... I've stopped for a while (~ 3 years), but forgiveness itself never comes. I never asked for money and nothing like it, but it does not diminish my cross and pain.

Because of this I started taking medicine in the last few years for depression but I think it's just a way to prolong the life a little more, none of this really works for my guilt. Today I graduated from a federal university but the consequences it brought to my mental health were devastating, mainly because of isolation and being a terribly difficult course.",6.470966386554623,6.036554715686276,7.154355742296917,76.21102941176471,65.56862745098039,10.501400560224091,34.096638655462186,10.041961382958581,3.2853697478991606,2035,81,390,41,28,676,221,510,0.215,0.726,0.059,-0.9981,2,2,0,0,0,2,80.0,0,1,2,3,12,29,3,3,27,0,36,10,1,1,3,76,69,23,2,4,21,0,3,1,3,3,9,1,0,2,37,17,0,2,20,0,1,9,16,18,1,1,16,6,68,11,58,47,13,62,0,3,2,0,14,21,0,8,32,287,105,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829968654438322,0.0,0.0,0.06029400218925018,0.0,0.06811037031759562,0.07044630912067631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713229800436434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679194708861563,0.0,0.06358780555395285,0.0,0.06390530811013438,0.0,0.0,0.2073162202755844,0.0,0.057878451422313286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987339527927151,0.0,0.0585916292237349,0.07131575533049428,0.0,0.0,0.054306972674264715,0.0,0.0,0.21933045765497786,0.0,0.05858394866229971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05952315741876087,0.13921240308610555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048781644921483,0.0,0.15171647482196954,0.044925358647211255,0.0,0.11461648073275738,0.1299885492716503,0.0,0.0,0.1282429511645739,0.0,0.10317608878264144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216737354507122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255066807845468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038656292506713034,0.17115123733231333,0.05440034274283514,0.0,0.07492968078466601,0.0,0.0,0.1448132098306152,0.0,0.06715385932100477,0.06980626388626293,0.07230013219726213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281485591744051,0.07678423277607725,0.0,0.0,0.13499507326336738,0.0,0.0,0.0708304553346799,0.07476201290400132,0.05544388540341871,0.0,0.07202141914893964,0.0,0.0,0.1921729751391154,0.033230241285963726,0.068172073619737,0.06006128873235087,0.0,0.0571181305327402,0.07609493191965089,0.0,0.17347984292938254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895974675135655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854631557148386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000117994864044,0.0,0.1573794136689138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053053382896052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519264595442187,0.07237612667590834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146570077542794,0.0593908409496483,0.0,0.0,0.06429915442934382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234569447616318,0.0,0.07741956656251651,0.08714836059603102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420167376865316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253066334534703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814360958856019,0.0,0.0,0.11373246865009867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880167258223093,0.0,0.0,0.07069692052322563,0.10228239514596887,0.054670427172395085,0.0,0.0,0.07778470325802192,0.0,0.04518824864319485,0.3050830704156905,0.0,0.053998827902654825,0.03966194090541465,0.0,0.19341981109073564,0.06499427463582515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242793587346534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612211226096938,0.04011887793517158,0.05398965598699426,0.0,0.0,0.06115650192766867,0.0,0.1841274519410742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951803659248236,0.0,0.0,0.04831815520188372,0.0,0.0,0.17520588120858638
suicidewatch,Influx66,2019/04/14,"How to overcome a fear of heights? I might throw away my plan of becoming a musician. 
I have had the plan of leaping off the roof of my local mall for a while. It's very high and would definitely kill me. 
Why there you might ask? It's the closest place for me to go, since I'd have to sneak out at night. 
I was thinking of getting really high for it to help with the fear of heights but it'd be a waste of weed, or maybe even make the fear worse. 
What are some tips on overcoming it? I want go out calmly.",0.8722935779816509,2.5227656330275288,2.4096238532110092,97.20085779816515,80.74311926605505,6.194862385321102,20.99174311926605,7.1686216300943375,0.23399376146788955,390,11,97,5,10,127,70,109,0.172,0.758,0.071,-0.9279,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,1,0,2,3,5,1,3,9,0,10,0,0,2,0,14,17,5,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,0,9,1,21,10,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,4,2,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727604615126733,0.0,0.15806134682714584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858011954442859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111694637686399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5679299429926756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789530243666681,0.0,0.1912224770569945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127636796537458,0.35549683868620074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612595490753311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229747713325784,0.0,0.169013628726351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35693929940280544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787617845875376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576868530099332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777498502821524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916487326110696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779753095439168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881063894512913,0.09922875058670537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180498512736956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144478164811128,0.11950858094997055,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,trust__no__1,2019/04/14,"I’ve started to get happy at the thoughts of my suicide. Like I’ve had suicidal thoughts for ages now and they used to make me feel like shit. Then I just had a sudden realisation that maybe I should be dead and the whole reason I am feeling like this all of the time is that I am meant to be dead. After that I started to feel happy about the suicidal thoughts. Like I’ve imagined my whole suicide, like my parents finding my body hanging in my room, all of my friends finding out, my mum fucking crying at my funeral, the whole thing,  and it made me fucking happy, it’s the only thing that really makes me feel happy now.  Which just shows how fucking selfish I am really.",6.738857142857142,5.792454674074079,6.965502645502646,79.47333333333336,65.22222222222223,9.492063492063492,35.58201058201058,8.418075326091056,2.755645502645503,531,22,106,6,7,172,70,135,0.226,0.591,0.183,-0.9116,1,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,15,4,0,7,0,9,5,2,6,2,26,27,5,7,1,2,2,4,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,0,12,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,7,4,18,10,14,17,5,15,0,0,0,3,4,5,4,0,14,72,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413466142328545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128685964233481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781863732860595,0.1468125529908934,0.0,0.0,0.18782751423615807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938618598282504,0.2849785867297942,0.05368384519876698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375270126431149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509979617236525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722672771932467,0.13717594027229804,0.0,0.1032285142606466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781477680201977,0.0,0.0,0.11409428919924385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165153204229754,0.1056464962573308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547377781548237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454572390583525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495774339741102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652814863061952,0.0,0.0,0.24472158879130895,0.05991570292610545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088745011741379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441578805819038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,zeddsnotdeadyet,2019/04/14,Every night i go to bed thinking how much i wish i was dead and every night i do nothing about it. i'm waiting for the day that will push me over the edge to where i actually do it.,4.902926829268292,2.833454048780492,6.507439024390244,84.92018292682928,69.48780487804878,9.175609756097561,30.256097560975608,7.1686216300943375,1.4984536585365855,140,4,35,1,2,49,30,41,0.107,0.825,0.068,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,5,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.2909777858418813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922995280909952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5024540456444825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946088760918793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919443863199967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596379200964517,0.0,0.2861089189931428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105981220152735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342888889183869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dukeofduchy,2019/04/14,"I think I reached my breaking point. I've been on and off suicidal for about 10 years now, mostly due to circumstances happening at the time. In the past 2 years or so, I've been having an awful time, though, maybe more than before. I'm asocial, I dislike most people and I don't want to be near them, and I'm hesitant to go out with friends (not that they tend to invite me), yet I want to socialize. So I constantly fluctuate between being unwilling to socialize and being painfully lonely as a consequence. 

People tell me that I'm good looking, yet I've had terrible luck with girls. Even if I meet one, which is rare because, as I've said, I don't go out and I don't meet new people, it ends poorly because I have no social skills and I get ghosted or they go on to date somebody else. Most recently, I met a girl who I found really nice and very pretty, so I wanted to ask her out, and I asked my friend what he thought of that idea - turns out, she's that friend's girlfriend. 

This is already getting long, so I'll finish up with the examples here. All in all, I feel like throughout my whole teenage life, as well as these couple of years after that, I've had terrible luck with everything I tried. I have no social life, no girlfriends, my academic life is good but I have no practical knowledge like other hard working people around me do, I have no hobbies and no interests. For years I've been trying to find something that interests me, to no avail.

I feel as though I've wronged some celestial being, and I'm being punished for that by living this life of apathy and emptiness, being baited into hoping that tomorrow might turn it all around, and always ending up knocked down to the ground. I've been trying to recall if anything nice happened in recent years. I can't say that absolutely nothing nice happened, but it wasn't anything genuinely nice that would bring a smile on my face for more than half a day, something that could've not happened, but it did.

I'm on antidepressants (SSRI or whatever), but they're not really working anymore. Even when they did, they only managed to stop me from feeling ""physical"" sadness, not make me into a functional human, and the psychiatrist isn't working on it, either. I've been thinking constantly what would happen even if I managed to somehow fix myself and get rid of this parasite in my brain that's making me feel so apathetic and making me see things in this way. But even if I became normal, I can't see myself fixing the things that are actually making me feel awful like this. Maybe that's just the parasite speaking, I can't seem to figure that out, and that's making me feel even worse that I can't use the one thing I rely on - my brain and its logic.

They other day I bought a rope (kind of a funny story actually, I wanted to buy something else as well so I don't seem suspicious, and I almost decided on buying rope along with duct tape), and I thought of how I'd do it. It's bad enough that I don't care about the consequences, I don't care about how my parents would feel or that maybe some friends would briefly miss me. I talked to some of them and none of them could say anything nice they think happened to me, nor could they give me a fair reason to live other than ""Well you only have one life, and that is just how life is."" If that's how life is, I'd rather jump into nothingness that endure this awfulness for a couple dozen more years. 

I'm giving myself a couple of months, and if nothing at least partially life-changing happens by then, I'll be seeing you all later.",5.907348209652309,5.872818092198585,6.380778412039441,79.94195121951219,66.65957446808511,9.317765092544542,30.52845528455285,8.979522561349006,2.372421553364469,2805,94,547,43,41,912,289,705,0.113,0.778,0.109,-0.3916,1,3,3,0,0,0,85.0,0,2,10,4,34,34,1,0,20,3,50,11,3,11,4,121,113,58,2,19,23,1,8,3,6,5,8,4,0,3,47,38,0,1,22,0,4,5,26,9,3,5,16,16,74,25,85,83,18,70,0,3,4,0,43,31,0,24,35,379,121,6,0.0,0.0,0.103623277494947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053165513573173576,0.0,0.05859004451985773,0.0,0.044178080682882766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052654527604276934,0.0,0.0,0.13107438510419805,0.09452901880738734,0.09927059046964654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04433089035692379,0.0647306615518617,0.0,0.045178694233179315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853990527326293,0.0,0.0,0.10826481037107552,0.0,0.05616592812421282,0.0,0.0,0.1147505154601844,0.0,0.12717262052908082,0.17624098511334524,0.0,0.06848188532285011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870568406479762,0.0,0.09405023950042896,0.05485982231014387,0.0,0.1753389207693796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047717052602527385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791983296697132,0.037930037446035486,0.0,0.0,0.04852653607089817,0.0,0.0,0.05821432902827475,0.16407975725145338,0.0,0.08321755396880981,0.10186432800663776,0.09052285141180406,0.08906468906302835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32865311067413405,0.0,0.04756138554005553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273386764270477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993614703351041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528875436927625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000123144394749,0.07781646917601595,0.0,0.09376514167908348,0.04698611444960975,0.044585203838308815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720175983678085,0.0,0.16001879941347266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056323858401581724,0.0,0.0,0.04237875916585064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127807429529805,0.0,0.0,0.05202039892701564,0.1018893721416808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793267562372144,0.08076006327644354,0.05649527270544975,0.0,0.058954095866373984,0.0,0.05068379407661936,0.14723350936906254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050190559111873284,0.0,0.0,0.0540152203030151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680261658620163,0.05458900451559567,0.10484693614065786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050411731684886,0.08444423219747457,0.0,0.0,0.12692603823759893,0.09666873426827634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164887218357301,0.0,0.12262200904078994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438857898974945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807571817986262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04267457839873589,0.046406096429917394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581897156270784,0.10206059483514897,0.10432827207873384,0.08430068444518198,0.06191854332057516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814109083261114,0.11550105632067978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585577390930813,0.0,0.04380773305522483,0.1252637881401643,0.04214318281934197,0.0,0.0,0.14321241324171666,0.0,0.0,0.05927704423944154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159581940737624,0.0,0.05410685582335414,0.15086451735546166,0.05804945407527761,0.0,0.20514300418702588
suicidewatch,Delerius2k18,2019/04/14,"I'm killing myself and it's 100% because of women They're about half the human population and they threat me like absolute shit. They've decided that I'm not allowed to have feelings or seek help. I can't get professional help because that whole field is made specifically for women and is dominated by women. Women hardly ever kill themselves yet the whole field of providing mental help is only for women.

 Women want men like me to commit suicide so there's no solutions there. I guarantee that the majority of suicides are because of women.

If you're unattractive to women you are subhuman scum and women will always torment you for fun. I know I can't even talk about my depression or suicidal thoughts because of women and I will NEVER forgive them for that. They are my enemies for all time and they will never stop trying to kill me.

Killing myself is the best solution since:

1: the world is about half women, so my death would make the entire world a better place for them

2: there's no end or solution to this. I'm fucked.

3: a lonely loveless life isn't worth living.

4: the fact all women hate me but some women like wife beaters or child molester demonstrates that I am worse than a wife beater or child molester. This is a **fact**, there's simply no denying this.

I am worthless scum and the women of the world have made it clear that I'm subhuman and not wanted. I have to kill myself and I blame them.",3.652984848484852,5.777875672727273,4.626386363636367,82.30224621212122,74.0909090909091,7.056060606060608,25.64015151515152,7.9370924344782425,1.638760606060606,1130,39,205,17,24,367,132,275,0.242,0.657,0.101,-0.9936,1,2,0,0,0,7,28.0,0,2,6,2,12,21,11,0,13,0,21,3,1,4,9,41,36,18,9,4,9,2,2,3,0,4,1,0,0,18,11,9,0,1,5,0,1,0,10,14,0,2,3,2,27,7,23,29,7,11,0,3,0,1,33,4,2,7,10,135,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018255830744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642747973404721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374028795368105,0.0958551267078898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334931161894487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599433787605048,0.0,0.0,0.07158533010681424,0.09803778052299107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480122731747957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019747033755788,0.056625154352488084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708903959493624,0.10700484831274908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793863569724192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5995434700982739,0.0,0.05956394711514516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655345598335102,0.1588500034467147,0.0,0.09570334684045782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510745621554485,0.0723458683204102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922362726858564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718185628708992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242944241534629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323618736819595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125262966593344,0.08965476209075847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061225727894777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35565715576896056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711339639932705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604325123250962,0.06319845223021521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358430605324147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127853097091859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420094044731737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045058102790084,0.0769915075679388,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,really-want-to-die,2019/04/14,Can anyone talk with me? If you don't mind i would prefer a private chat.,-0.6506250000000016,1.447755187500004,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,90.875,3.2,14.25,3.1291,-1.3836499999999998,57,1,13,0,2,19,16,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287939625218722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6192009004443989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929017221289828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356304338724738,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,deathposting,2019/04/14,"Do normal people feel like this? Hello, trying to ascertain how normal/ ""mentally ill"" I am.

​

I used to think I was normal, but suicidal and depressed due to a logical and/or philosophic conclusion. But I'm not so sure anymore.

​

Do normal people think about killing themselves every day? Probably not, but do they think about it at all? How often?

Do most people enjoy life? They don't seem to, but I guess they enjoy it enough not think about killing themselves.

I think about killing myself all the time. I make lists and draft suicide notes. I mentioned this to a doctor who I see regularly who knows about my depression, and it alarmed him greatly and made me realise ""shit, that's bad right?"" because I dunno, I don't think much of it when I do it.

Earlier today, I was reminding myself how to tie a noose and looking up to see if the hardware shop had ropes in stock.

I've been on suicide forums, pro-suicide chat rooms etc. but eventually stopped.

I've considered and planned how I am going to do it, but never the when.

The only thing that stops me is the currently-living-guilt of how it will affect those close to me, but that is slowly getting whittled down to the point where there are days when I am very mentally ready.

If I had access to a button that would switch me off, I would have pressed it a hundred times over. The process of planning a successful suicide and tying loose ends, leaving notes and addressing people, sorting out my belongings and cleaning up after myself is usually a hassle that puts me off when I'm very ready. But there are many times where I just wished I had that button. If I lived in a place where firearms or euthanasia were legal and easily available I'd probably be dead by now.

I think about it every day tbh, and often not even in distress. I've felt this way for years. I first felt this way around the age of 14, and it scared me then and I tried, and wanted, to fight it off. Now I'm 27 and thinking about suicide is not scary, it's something I hope to achieve once I get past this guilt thing.

It's just become a thing I think about all the time, and it clouds my every decision. I've become nonchalant about the whole thing at this point because it no longer worries me, but I often forget how serious and worrying it must be to others.

So am I mentally unwell? Or is this just who I am? I just can't make sense of anything right now. I really don't know if I can be helped. I don't know the toll of thinking about suicide every day for years on end has taken on my mind. 

Any insight will be appreciated. Thanks.",4.131297140489018,5.551676307086617,4.722109407376713,85.01802113551598,71.36220472440945,7.6308329879817665,27.541649399088268,8.119692808369301,1.7347275590551177,2036,72,399,29,38,650,233,508,0.202,0.715,0.084,-0.9974,1,0,1,1,1,8,73.0,0,0,3,6,39,21,5,4,20,0,42,4,1,11,6,102,78,45,10,14,24,0,4,1,0,5,3,0,3,0,38,20,0,2,21,2,1,2,12,13,0,1,11,7,50,8,51,58,8,61,0,2,3,0,12,27,1,15,31,278,88,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958101353680251,0.14532088187389053,0.04066431320076585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059302997473254376,0.0,0.0,0.04920820223388379,0.05323240392178892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992836890649889,0.07290393501014593,0.13208316010334428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425762064703444,0.0,0.10300690366235224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120521888100736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592557504969187,0.061786745639275074,0.06668995801248895,0.03949564851667217,0.0,0.20152770611303367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03023538494805928,0.042719306718079435,0.11482984954984195,0.0,0.0,0.05086367624326337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062483394018610264,0.0,0.03398426607547137,0.0,0.0,0.06592689431168426,0.0658736273866412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040080966965613744,0.0,0.0,0.05939235545085843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847103977981095,0.0,0.09858933594418748,0.0,0.0,0.06331686027741966,0.0,0.0,0.04223670388532797,0.02921401118377275,0.0,0.052802239551593314,0.0,0.05021479350149927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056581788382832086,0.0798305178603731,0.060625223737849274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078528041482467,0.0,0.06037837320220395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395800252098747,0.0,0.04611947604646978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435519994112824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368232743991792,0.0,0.04547865156455964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057083427557264074,0.16582407689063902,0.0,0.062475602878257534,0.0,0.1130558276986946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894351921422906,0.0,0.0,0.060112948477356126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038307774523673226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213338275281664,0.0,0.0,0.05986767428049039,0.0,0.09530164346567507,0.054437348172017806,0.0,0.0,0.061381218069188385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046034994666635784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998668328976314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578608958479488,0.0,0.05635838432058188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505345339577462,0.0,0.0,0.15890706177869535,0.3831578829659249,0.0,0.0,0.13947348443363114,0.0,0.056680986010522225,0.0,0.0,0.08119708001305727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164579321108445,0.06585843764366323,0.0986783093832934,0.03527008241055346,0.09492885713582327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667617119494973,0.06876411075587699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145441624533762,0.0,0.08495677863424582,0.0,0.14532088187389053,0.07701518819925654
suicidewatch,trowaway9876554,2019/04/14,"Friends don't know I'm still suicidal A year ago I was put in hospital for a suicide attempt. It was pretty tame as far as attempts go but  my mental state was completely broken down. I was in hospital for two nights and then they discharged me against my will because I wasn't suicidal enough. If a friend hadn't come to pick me up, I would have left the hospital and walked straight out into traffic. 

​

A year later after seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and other medical type people, I still feel suicidal. That is my secret. Everyone else thinks I'm getting better. No one knows that sometimes I have powerful urge to walk out in front of a bus or a truck. It would be so easy to make it look like an accident. Whip my phone out, pretend to send a text so I'm not paying attention and boom. I'm gone. I stop myself by imagining the driver, and how they would be affected if I used them to kill myself. 

​

I think about ways I can kill myself quietly and at home. I even have a plan for how my body would be found and disposed of quickly. I'm afraid of myself sometimes, that I might actually do it.  When I think about my life, the pain and suffering and abuse I've been through, I can't imagine carrying it for the rest of my life. I just want to die. I'm so tired. I just want to die.",2.0262670537010194,4.216617898113206,3.5246226415094357,87.9464114658926,79.45283018867924,7.095791001451379,24.909288824383157,8.139509932561175,1.569984034833091,1033,39,213,20,26,340,150,265,0.254,0.6509999999999999,0.096,-0.9955,1,0,0,0,1,5,34.0,0,0,3,5,14,9,2,1,14,0,24,6,1,6,0,47,47,23,8,8,7,0,1,1,2,6,5,2,1,0,9,15,0,1,11,1,1,8,6,5,0,2,9,5,32,4,33,29,2,35,0,1,2,0,8,13,0,4,13,145,41,2,0.0,0.11790404845932255,0.0971082047966212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821033695951555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156398617577304,0.2418330743253305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066087167437335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800923279970474,0.0,0.1105340868699312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571975933211691,0.10433520051430342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065530389090471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312852037717869,0.0,0.0,0.10282127701007096,0.0,0.06572595748178968,0.0,0.0,0.09508685205653174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05031566008348533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910847682174996,0.15376362392060985,0.0,0.05199029580247945,0.0,0.05655429170085347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981746513577523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018795507607933,0.0,0.1093770874478356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811879607596024,0.0,0.1405748687765521,0.04861595970823577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356402557216389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642424443828618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024668113617607,0.10028350042041012,0.1055652534608047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338416264225224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674311063568815,0.0,0.10588652751674063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898827235720935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012382777716248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003585823030374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929723908350972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968374890754198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893893729310124,0.08319550053563551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353947391788268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128754435314813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437304787931575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720761073636873,0.0,0.0,0.08594539743466025,0.0,0.0,0.117388118638776,0.07898705632432187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827585230280324,0.0,0.2418330743253305,0.1281634097715753
suicidewatch,eindride,2019/04/14,I'll try and OD tonight Since I can't crosspost here: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/bd1k4i/everybody_leaves_sooner_or_later/,31.445384615384626,39.81716892307693,13.080000000000002,24.440000000000023,13.615384615384615,8.276923076923078,36.07692307692308,8.841846274778883,3.0132153846153846,128,3,11,1,1,26,12,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7729827829453181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6344269991654764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sqwakmut,2019/04/14,"I'm so tired I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired of having no friends. I'm so tired of not being listened to. I'm so tired of being invisible to girls. I'm so tired of people telling me how great I am. I'm so tired of not getting any matches. I'm so tired of hearing that sex isn't that big a deal. I'm so tired of people saying women have it harder. I'm so tired of my job. I'm so tired of not being able to find any other job. I'm so tired of not being listened to. I'm so tired of having no money. I'm so tired of my terrible skin. I'm so tired of my terrible hair.

I'm so tired of spending my money on impulse. I'm so tired of not being able to come up with ideas. I'm so tired of people suggesting things and never following up on them. I'm so tired of trying to be a good person. I'm so tired of not being able to wake up in the morning. I'm so tired of people telling me things will be better. I'm so tired of being the big brother they look up to. I'm so tired of people. I'm so tired of every problem I have being beyond my control.  


I just turned 23, and I still feel the same as I did when I was a teenager. I live with my grandparents, I have no friends, am still a virgin, and have never even been on a date. All I have ever wanted in my life was for me and a girl to have our first time together, but that ship has pretty much sailed statistically speaking.  


I don't want to die, I never have. I just don't want to live this way anymore. The only thing stopping me aside from human survival instinct is how it would affect my family, but one day my hopelessness is going to outweigh my empathy, and I'll do it.",0.7766102299055433,2.0987730110497256,3.4045250400998057,91.45258510069507,79.93922651933701,5.886437355195152,20.517198360363565,6.532088108194933,0.14718827303510995,1258,32,295,11,31,443,135,362,0.198,0.75,0.052000000000000005,-0.9883,3,1,0,0,0,2,37.0,1,0,2,4,34,9,0,0,10,0,35,30,3,4,5,37,72,35,1,5,10,1,3,0,2,2,25,5,0,5,11,8,0,2,3,0,3,3,15,4,0,2,4,9,29,5,50,55,3,28,0,1,1,2,20,12,0,0,12,192,40,2,0.10361198102708158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035770254868507524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697313340309233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03425174793634486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030545459093375325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029750849074347788,0.0,0.0,0.03873654900914815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02227371871904716,0.03560646761736716,0.0,0.0,0.035844292694651385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02281157876017376,0.031240989578952244,0.029099187587804973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0325587181607218,0.0,0.017463110266329178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031566491189816366,0.02937743271047685,0.0,0.0,0.05336690634726102,0.0,0.0180443278866129,0.0,0.01962835885224341,0.028968271282790763,0.0,0.03807752495492769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892607763564382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038988438295299625,0.0,0.0,0.06854593571895477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024394735456580312,0.0,0.0,0.06099418500426852,0.0,0.029002656239503825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025388909267412947,0.0,0.07991194724410393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023403386614365248,0.026267193501925173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971916946518613,0.030156661777478194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03513687796136894,0.0,0.033047557579743043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027465468664380724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05516310792618632,0.028874751858678462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060374292200397035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883519624539773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02013899312079028,0.9526938420199069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023448577949443085,0.03756669414270991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111303090363465,0.02741412259951891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024534326182891586,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RougeBatton,2019/04/14,"2019 has made me reach a point that I don't feel okay with continuing from If you look back on my posts, you'll easily find out why. I've had the worst year and here's the timeline

-Got told that I didn't make crew selection for my sports team

-Got told that I barely passed my first semester of my masters

-Was let go from work due to a lack of hours available

-My girlfriend of two and a half years broke up with me and blamed me for everything

-Learned that I had depression and anxiety

-Haven't been able to socialise with friends or go to university because of it

-My second girlfriend of two months broke up with me (friends for three years prior)

I just don't see any positives to being alive anymore, the only reason I don't is that I don't want either of these girls to feel guilty and don't want to leave my family behind. I pray that sleep comes easily and that I am taken in my sleep but unfortunately I just wake up and have to remind myself that 2019 has been shit. Every aspect of my life that made 2018 good was taken away from me and we're only just a third of the way through 2019.",4.964247619047619,5.2765622533333385,5.152523809523808,86.74650000000004,68.6888888888889,8.561904761904763,25.84920634920635,8.418075326091056,1.3509873015873022,877,22,190,12,14,276,129,225,0.13,0.8029999999999999,0.067,-0.9046,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,2,0,4,5,9,1,0,8,1,21,5,4,4,0,32,39,11,0,4,7,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,11,14,0,0,5,2,0,4,7,5,0,7,15,4,27,4,34,21,3,24,1,3,2,0,10,8,1,2,10,126,38,3,0.1377006829072439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364118633454538,0.0,0.10534064552069818,0.0,0.1365620761667137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937432442065114,0.1058833253997746,0.0,0.08394105820872548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861694547285775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860139641322195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601876433110812,0.0,0.12375649480574075,0.0,0.12981194879800742,0.0,0.13925120544097153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258559295190125,0.1171281305364752,0.0,0.0,0.2127744120656476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651694281933914,0.11549679965794628,0.22026363063540416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356074349733472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580514078975185,0.0,0.1408082777793592,0.09726206463038273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563389283889472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605914312601157,0.09191627510391176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991137135541652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945514876275284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301716541414541,0.0,0.13187919024067102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157923604499928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097296161095574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413477721923011,0.0,0.0,0.27560025738723803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631578071019947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690271170171723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243886096073085,0.1093003926525636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425344835267127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024773716369173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660241752941068
suicidewatch,mynameisntniki,2019/04/14,"Idk So, I'm doing it on the 22nd of this month, I wanted to do it in May, but something came up.

Im scared, really scared. Not scared of death, but of the pain and the consequences I'll have to face if I don't actually die.

I'm kind of sad that I won't get to do all the things that I have always wanted to. I've always wanted to try sushi, to go to a WCE event, fly in a plane etc. All those little things that I won't get to experience.

I might get too scared to do it and end up not doing it, but I think I'm brave enough to go with the plan.

Idk, I just wanted to tell someone this, I think my friend is getting sick of me talking about my sad stuff",1.8185135135135155,1.9849594999999989,3.8157837837837865,94.06570270270271,75.62162162162163,7.0010810810810815,19.52972972972973,6.742157984588678,-0.15841297297297308,498,7,131,4,10,171,77,148,0.21600000000000005,0.68,0.103,-0.958,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,0,4,7,0,13,3,1,0,2,21,29,7,2,5,7,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,1,0,12,3,23,24,4,12,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,3,3,83,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.13470583759550028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971847660539416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578794739268073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326235446537294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222612968266756,0.142630854635699,0.15394961505941168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502831481624492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664834035046407,0.0,0.2884780480734207,0.0,0.1569011238368354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491054600021672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437460413716099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835101960911933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643722348900598,0.0,0.0,0.11018115596608624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688288604546235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843111193139183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5528031916444004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695972407862107,0.1062689184309197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802126106405567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109502607175666,0.12065188903978462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341352821418047,0.17689922245426162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371920139474006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256751554230457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,evlaviye,2019/04/14,"DO NOT DIE! You have all the time you need. Pain, sorrow all of it goes away. It is called habituation. I mean try and try again. These attempts alone are achievements in themselves.",1.0745098039215684,3.534936058823529,1.1964705882352966,96.57745098039216,100.17647058823529,3.443137254901962,17.43137254901961,5.46131890053228,-0.6216509803921566,142,4,29,1,6,42,30,34,0.21600000000000005,0.696,0.08800000000000001,-0.649,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,6,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428110118711561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310980711560703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379829169921817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34352056739963693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605506050122589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454286090305497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522020320266981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300585459016675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4494477751605496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway12928364648,2019/04/14,"There are not many people out there like me , i am one of the few who would end his life rather than working the entire life 9-5 reward less for the 1% Life is cruel i get it you have to work to survive but i can’t hold the suffering anymore.

As long as i have to work i won’t find happiness therefore i will end myself 

I had a conversation with my mom why she gave birth to me even tho life is bad and cruel but this whore and her shitty husband couldn’t give me a answer to this .

I have 40.000 dollar in saving maybe i just buy a gun and some powerballtickets lets see how this works",2.8095644444444474,3.6597247120000014,3.892266666666668,91.89457777777778,73.88,6.835555555555558,21.088888888888885,6.937597516519254,0.2273022222222223,459,9,106,4,9,149,88,125,0.212,0.722,0.066,-0.9721,1,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,6,7,9,2,0,7,0,14,5,0,2,0,19,18,9,0,3,5,2,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,2,1,18,4,13,11,3,6,0,1,1,1,10,2,0,1,5,74,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199052697067513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480223335907838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072053057804489,0.0,0.0,0.11454526231148085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850687283000764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060715581049504,0.16636460576613615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846136303159487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733832537475822,0.4899794795039236,0.08472646227857762,0.0,0.0,0.1534752461407788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758252469968374,0.17422824391713174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031127061652432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175169455346828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023072856354915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819689205613234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648865819827382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050204749773315,0.0,0.0,0.12319580585808355,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gone4uDAV,2019/04/14,"Gone2Day4good Within a few hours after I tie up some loose ends I finally get to put all my demons to sleep. Nothing gives me the comfort knowing all my pain and suffering with come to a halt. I’ve tried an attempt before but was saved. It’s been 3 years since and my mentality has not changed one bit. Long story short , I don’t want to bore you with details. I was molested by my uncle at the age of 8. The act has embedded in my mind and can’t control the effects it had on me. I’ve went through life with mental illnesses that is very hard to overcome. I’ve had many situations where I just can’t get right. I’m happy and excited to move forward from this stage and ready. I’ve come to terms and made peace with my God. Everything in life is temporary. I’ve been isolated from everyone and nobody will miss me. This is the best for me. I have a fail safe plan that will carry out my wishes. Bless be to everyone else that does have the courage to live on thru their own story and struggles. Never take anything for granted.",2.324066985645932,4.297382555023926,3.5488038277511964,89.21162679425841,77.51674641148325,7.079425837320574,24.875598086124395,8.032893268588372,1.384582775119617,810,29,171,14,19,263,135,209,0.129,0.675,0.196,0.9605,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,6,2,15,1,1,10,0,19,5,1,3,3,32,32,9,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,7,15,0,3,2,0,0,7,5,7,0,1,8,1,19,8,30,21,8,28,2,3,0,0,3,12,0,1,10,105,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952574649543495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359433499421715,0.0,0.15242756314033806,0.0,0.15857189486896933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365186297808092,0.25023452674283114,0.0,0.0,0.1629066448613143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710645978153606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213350697522391,0.0,0.12864555964264268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27757909738923914,0.13053846474301764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911077767957116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517709238420462,0.13933397249855878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461792711762884,0.13011260987064324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303884735056502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982384670486244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518423076729486,0.0,0.0,0.1282555918023192,0.12853885372138232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743604089335906,0.0,0.14725746511278875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927492384875798,0.0,0.14665787006142786,0.0,0.0,0.15437436967222487,0.0,0.0,0.11202329189414804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936822883629374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842299557552346,0.0,0.15455284352195936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601315867317202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403997973358695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014965985479376,0.16326349689527606,0.14535170270692616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184349934814725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920752282608764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986130478378609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984382741607355,0.08567033010147394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346452454397387,0.0,0.0,0.1670266601312955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935341817330604
suicidewatch,ajwasiak481,2019/04/14,"Still don’t have anyone to talk to, so imma put it here I’m 16 and a junior in HS, most of my friends are fake and only hang out w me if we’re going to smoke, my parents think I’m a disappointment and I feel like no one cares about me, I feel so worthless, I feel like I’m gonna end up doing nothing w my life and I’m gonna just waste it, I think about suicide a lot and it feels like my only option at this point, I have no self confidence n I feel like a mistake, my grades are rly bad and I’m probably gonna get left back next year, someone please help",0.28997136721546113,1.54467513385827,2.663908375089477,96.52738725841093,81.1259842519685,5.563063707945597,19.419470293486047,6.11248444174946,-0.2985370078740166,430,10,110,3,11,148,78,127,0.2,0.621,0.17800000000000002,-0.6221,1,2,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,20,24,9,1,2,2,1,5,4,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,0,5,13,6,10,21,2,14,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,4,9,55,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701121561557823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768061096932685,0.12778450234536132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156037526016236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555066177626762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38691566572539066,0.4373357647418024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824063286634375,0.0,0.07995864459812096,0.0,0.08697785694058982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258148882879192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628165422752092,0.0,0.10809878842231717,0.2990762936895625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011167550334787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276295394130752,0.0,0.0,0.14684887454975856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370588943236693,0.2327921774652204,0.0,0.0,0.16993612672452724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799524284469922,0.14467509149733254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500622586235816,0.0,0.0,0.15385047366711474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965721388852272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967282706400712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222032788680573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740418895746648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301015656521495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612753417278106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985546665414434
suicidewatch,Nervous_Car,2019/04/14,"Suicide rate by age Today I decided to look at suicide rates and it terrified me, particularly the suicide rate by age. Check out [this graph](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/58b856f403596e451231f405/t/5a64d9a8ec212d8a1b7ec268/1516558760696/us_suicide_rate_by_age_2015.png).

I'm 24 years old and have had suicidal thoughts since I was 13. I've always held out hope that I might get past it, maybe grow out of it or something. Surely at 30 or 40 I'd have done it or be over it right? Nope, not according to that graph. Turns out I could only just be at the start of my journey dealing with these thoughts. I don't want to be in this condition when I'm 40. That's super depressing. Not only that, but statistically I'm 67% more likely to kill myself in 25 years than I am now. Yay.",5.652909698996655,8.595647434782613,3.9413043478260867,85.71255852842812,71.02898550724638,7.144704570791527,25.108138238573023,8.139509932561175,1.5041676700111486,638,20,113,10,13,180,91,138,0.162,0.762,0.076,-0.9082,0,0,1,0,0,5,32.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,2,1,12,0,0,0,1,23,24,7,5,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,6,1,9,5,20,13,1,23,0,1,1,0,1,11,0,5,11,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656999829773527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214496579531196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568215719480645,0.1310144936499308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566416157138746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947263666628693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108228865081166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168290226877488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431460895614306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277364042685861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281770851290308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613675956903272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961674905875575,0.0,0.0,0.231377210449638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452088372975889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990346229585215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582924346109384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710383094703003,0.0,0.0,0.10766619145261222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6655466636433616,0.0,0.14336447213077255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24152107384010404,0.0,0.0,0.1441851063903303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545499799812866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972004445754198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591125500392131
suicidewatch,Rutalap,2019/04/14,"Tired of being treated like I’m invisible I’ve been on reddit but never really used it to it’s full extent. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m tired of being the last person would talk to in any group scenario. I don’t expect to be the star of the party but having people who consider me their friends show me zero attention all the time pisses me off. I cut myself off from my friends in high school after I went to college because I realized none of them cared about how I ended up. I try doing coke a bunch of times and they mock me instead of telling me to sober up. In college I thought that the fake-ness would end but it’s just the same. The only difference is I become an alcoholic on the weekends to try and ignore what I feel but it never works. I’m not butt-ugly or anti social by any means but I’m not attractive enough in societies eyes to be of use to anyone whether it’s a friend or some girl at the bar I’m trying to hook up with.

People at college shame me for getting into harder drugs on the weekend, but these are the same people that pop Xanax on a Tuesday afternoon and then try to lecture me about what’s right. In reality I have no idea what’s right. Do I become a drug addict like everyone on one side of my family and die at a brisk 26? I feel like it’s either that or a swift death at my own hands and it makes me feel like shit everyday. Doing drugs gets me a sliver of attention from people and that’s more than I get trying to be nice to friends, setting them up to hookup with people, or even lending them money.

I’m just tired of life at this point and wanted to hear what this community had to say about it if there’s something similar they’re going through or if there’s a magic way I can stop feeling like shit 24/7. Im not at risk rn so dw I’m a pussy at heart :). Just hoped that maybe strangers could be more helpful then people who use me in real life.",2.4141604477611938,3.7691056741293534,4.04469838308458,88.43928638059704,75.59203980099501,6.816044776119404,23.01026119402985,7.413659706084162,0.8195544776119403,1499,42,323,18,32,502,206,402,0.133,0.7290000000000001,0.138,-0.2272,0,0,5,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,5,1,12,23,5,2,21,0,22,19,6,5,3,62,49,25,2,8,21,0,5,5,4,2,11,2,0,2,23,10,3,2,11,4,1,2,9,8,0,2,4,8,34,15,63,36,13,51,0,0,1,0,20,31,3,9,21,215,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001737678129522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882460313241945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230571479927708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189079068041563,0.05773735825649299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033608026632232,0.18239203543309893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841892552031223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592827449581609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569832627521337,0.08627180304407972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872773684308869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627134316455234,0.08532056842914068,0.0,0.05453906249721608,0.0,0.0,0.07890258226229059,0.0,0.0,0.07784301048452838,0.0,0.16700670694023428,0.17697171914659734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551845333596872,0.0,0.12942384260309,0.0,0.046928461261491985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306641172281983,0.09785007494410948,0.055347321651490325,0.08724350756054604,0.0,0.08201418402900476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321550670436816,0.08919362248628973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045380273157175036,0.0673084783774619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166483052889192,0.20170637039591527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511849743313018,0.0,0.08295624709416068,0.08994682216835087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737165135422426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595398629032259,0.06280091891443698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434766879165458,0.07210005404188705,0.0,0.0,0.07805871132779074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398679735465114,0.05289874169287129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103475076897656,0.0,0.0656658150560457,0.0,0.08356885860021412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695211606421691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417335322879473,0.0,0.06356916636329751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903519974520497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636950564422135,0.07217293748408579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655541889578687,0.09629862237885893,0.28471850598823284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28031015996320674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395115027433645,0.0,0.0,0.04870402945932474,0.0655430543181798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765465242480981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060114540512955325,0.0,0.0,0.11731578625780452,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Boris-Melvin,2019/04/14,"I want to commit suicide by Fentanyl overdose. I am in the process of seeking out fentanyl on the dark web for an intentional overdose. My plan is to get as many patches as I can afford on the dark web and combine it with benzodiazepines and Irish whiskey. This is how I want to die. I can do painful shit. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. Step 1: Acquire Benzos. Step 2: Aquire Fent on Tor. Step 3: Aquire 1.75 of Jameson. It could take a month to complete this, but I have been consistently suicidal for years. I’m done with life. I think I can see this plan through.",1.0656157635467984,3.539460931034487,2.0862561576354715,94.86293103448278,86.24137931034483,4.693596059113301,24.665024630541872,6.18269132825596,0.5676128078817735,452,19,97,4,14,142,77,116,0.134,0.8220000000000001,0.043,-0.928,1,0,1,0,0,3,17.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,5,0,11,6,3,2,2,17,19,7,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,2,1,10,0,21,16,0,13,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,3,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404032213983747,0.0,0.0,0.1830671373356996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379638688505293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464036807444735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979307588196955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195229958322638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246118882167244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830148209273688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684039032917798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439777006440159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271217795819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353599713773535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5016058691723402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239540667753586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691795178488845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057185168890469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765341142111835
suicidewatch,EndedWays,2019/04/14,"Good ol’ depression and anxiety triggers -telling someone a problem and them just laughing 
-being glared at by someone you thought you trusted
-when you’re already having a bad day and the absolute slightest inconvenience pushes you over the edge
-restless sleep 
-being in a situation and thinking of the worst possible outcome. Ex. going down a crowded staircase and someone just bumping you off the edge and you break your neck
-always trying to plan your next step and not looking at right now
-feeling like a genuine cry for help will be seen as a plea for attention
-being in a crowd and always feeling like a pair of eyes are on you 
-when someone accidentally notices your cuts and then gets upset with you, or makes a joke about it, or plays it off as if they didn’t see and you know they did so now it’s awkward
-having the most inconsistent eating schedule. Ex. Eating a singular waffle at 5am then not eating until 7pm then again at like 10pm then not again until like 2 or 3pm the next day and then it could be another 24 hours before you want to eat again 
- having a work schedule that allows them to schedule you any of the 24hours in a day
-knowing that you love someone more than they love you 
-knowing that although you genuinely love someone it will never work out but you still have to see them on a regular basis 
-when you get “hurt” at work but it doesn’t actually hurt because you are just so used to cutting yourself 
-eating a substantial meal and then for some reason being hungry sooner than you should be 
-being bullied or harassed for something that you have no control over 
-feeling like you are the only one that cares 
-forcing yourself to surround yourself with people that you know don’t care because trying to have someone is better than no one
-feeling like your problems only pertain to you and no one else will understand or give a fuck so you don’t tell anyone",4.821423249594041,6.8239610000000015,4.95457827872767,81.71246537396124,70.57894736842105,6.752163530423156,31.561849269271182,7.372421405659032,2.151642582863693,1535,69,264,16,29,480,184,361,0.151,0.7170000000000001,0.132,-0.9235,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,26,6,6,17,31,4,3,23,0,28,13,3,6,1,56,56,38,0,6,14,2,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,16,6,1,13,2,0,3,11,14,0,3,4,9,32,17,42,39,4,49,0,3,5,4,43,18,1,8,33,194,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.075264873861106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511161617173729,0.0,0.1283517661438599,0.0,0.0,0.05244903794337322,0.08087443543665893,0.05900198118118331,0.0,0.0,0.053929025773217856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439786410012152,0.09403186609078999,0.0,0.06562943780340337,0.0,0.0,0.06821260694866607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727233288047482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865045434095907,0.061579672534962424,0.0,0.0847204414352671,0.14922169763004395,0.0,0.06642941406562784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946011282565826,0.06442975249673681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599101300876175,0.22039831612638167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130271375275224,0.08059139933171447,0.07398729304561685,0.04383307919329423,0.06469050921627466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051696635002972884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595460694945001,0.0,0.16513220171454412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954803576685915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22608228106412026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476729599921496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20883051819052695,0.0,0.05148290393625763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594851347211301,0.0,0.1640509826476176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780965618676283,0.0,0.0,0.15678985287272335,0.11731719209157156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053470184396217486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694915890394979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760033882020285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929945159802543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586607821015225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292054434852424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669403428204052,0.07718274897364291,0.0,0.4574464867832025,0.05937617020783448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159376075398176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482488022459516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941989857977945,0.0,0.06123026152575532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472840668598203,0.0,0.0,0.08029197777130014,0.0,0.06661300670123603,0.0,0.0,0.04549153164062732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844823018744914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HauntingHumor,2019/04/14,"Was scared to call hotline, for a good reason. So I already made a post in off my chest not too long ago. But I'm depressed and suicidal at times. Sometimes I feel like I should call the suicidal hotline. But I've always been afraid too. I would have no idea what to say or do. I finally did tonight. But the lady hung up on me. It's for emotional struggling, suicidal people and she didn't ask me what was wrong or try talking to me hardly she talked like a customer service lady. I don't know how the hotline is supposed to work, but I expected a bit more help than that.",1.3687005649717534,3.5138221694915264,2.9450000000000003,91.46264124293785,81.54237288135593,5.967231638418079,25.08757062146893,7.1686216300943375,1.0988790960451973,448,18,95,6,12,147,80,118,0.152,0.757,0.091,-0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,3,7,0,11,1,1,3,0,18,16,10,3,3,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,3,13,3,12,8,2,11,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,2,7,62,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741220486596584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710638538554435,0.0,0.12898561179603282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449189014909152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923716802144026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165770453618389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351493122273475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437197552175804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838067543638774,0.11074335982456886,0.0,0.16981229516384494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300199468904192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886376041972362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390386192552832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499403492215834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519266146167544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146583598812555,0.0,0.0,0.1371841561362702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466797528281445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746847751923568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148462341483276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938211972863472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232748320464922,0.1551979164469573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331464716288082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205623218023713,0.0,0.5086865652015073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24919174929351115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903909933192054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524559197474932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285339074770748,0.0,0.0,0.110118817797279,0.16948550576635885,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Lieutenant_Buzzkill,2019/04/14,"i got the girl of my dreams and I probably scared her away when I am in a bad mood I just kinda shut down, I don't talk to anyone in person and I keep to myself. we were at a friend's house and that happened so i was texting my ex who I have always been very good friends with and it pissed off my girlfriend and she told me to go be with her because she clearly understands me better. a look back through my post history a ways shows some of the other shit I've been dealing with and honestly I'm just ready to go jump off an overpass. i feel like some people aren't meant to be happy and that's me I guess. i should've known this was too good to be true but i loved her and I can't believe I threw it away and I can't even look at myself in the mirror because I just want to hurt myself so bad.",1.9558279009126447,2.7218656779661043,3.4533333333333367,94.55436766623207,75.83615819209041,6.350108648413732,22.089960886571056,6.297961479604792,0.12979739243807042,623,15,152,4,13,206,102,177,0.105,0.733,0.162,0.6288,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,1,0,0,1,9,17,2,1,8,0,14,3,2,0,2,29,30,13,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,7,13,0,1,4,2,0,4,4,6,0,0,9,3,32,10,23,18,2,19,0,1,2,1,17,11,2,4,3,105,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998248505151064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922839625834256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935362166337315,0.12011885233654188,0.26086417535887385,0.1904530961391288,0.0,0.0,0.17599957966978644,0.0,0.13815850657001205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610496792734683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317781259648287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898644532033712,0.11159924671066157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413809548142738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755992713393942,0.2620496281369256,0.12493853221699552,0.0,0.17208723079152227,0.0,0.1381394424727046,0.16629260928922898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024987554142746,0.16723021884113426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388500985561645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631822452132847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26236067759625303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098915049118665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829905427546532,0.13639995855282325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496097418452972,0.0,0.16842501339610486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639737311547705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035133116533495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555882154795436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492690829889631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626241868571827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889283370786228,0.0921390099894786,0.12399532859200592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cuteacornnn,2019/04/14,"Don’t know what to do Sometimes when i feel myself having bad thoughts i start writing a list of the things in life i am looking forward to and excited about

Last year it used to have easily over 50

Last night i had 12
Tonight i have 2 


I’m scared of when it will become 0. Sometimes in my moments of clarity i realise how much i want to live and all the things in life waiting for me but I’m scared that one day i won’t be strong enough to fight it


I have been going to therapy and on medication since 2016. I dont want to live the rest of my life doped up talking to a woman who wants her pay check it hurts to think about the future",2.53521739130435,3.3589981739130472,3.8151884057971017,92.2888695652174,74.5072463768116,6.969275362318841,24.669565217391305,7.1686216300943375,0.7471426086956523,500,15,118,5,10,164,88,138,0.125,0.785,0.08900000000000001,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,2,6,0,13,4,0,2,1,16,27,7,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,4,0,2,2,3,5,0,1,3,2,15,2,22,21,4,19,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,0,12,77,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339980023780005,0.0,0.1772427178100543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034993405101778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808684696385086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658235722581921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114587503863857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120714067234163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180216663418954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819818179276398,0.2616328637586041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400652217337945,0.0,0.0,0.2834218211393317,0.0,0.13476671011675825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167142887556674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797470366737185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506039984327519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874857094339506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213463181873866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275458374478896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174468995324964,0.0,0.11359188084205332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899150483362376,0.0,0.0,0.18352821525703036,0.0,0.2132377775246236,0.1028321013429595,0.0,0.12740690773187105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860723418528942,0.0,0.0,0.2839740626559769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033468707018271
suicidewatch,beautyandfitnessgeek,2019/04/14,"I will love you beyond death I am still grieving harder and harder every single day and it’s been almost 2 years. I loved him and he was my only person, my best friend and my partner all in one and when I lost him I lost everything. I’ve never been the same and the pain has only gotten worse. I’ve had to watch him fall in love with someone else. I have nobody and I have no future and I have nothing to live for. I’ve had so many attempts but I kept telling myself it would get better. People always tell me it will get better. It doesn’t. It won’t. Nobody can save me and I am so sorry for even making anyone read this pathetic post. I was born to kill myself it was inevitable. I want the pain to stop. Please open the door",-0.036004784688991265,2.19735961688312,1.8996240601503764,95.87958646616543,89.19480519480518,3.761585782638415,13.94941900205058,4.9825596385082,-1.1222675324675326,567,9,123,2,19,187,93,154,0.201,0.637,0.161,-0.7943,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,6,6,14,1,0,4,0,19,5,0,1,2,22,30,13,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,7,11,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,11,1,23,8,10,15,4,14,0,3,1,3,13,4,0,1,8,85,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364146985313994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935941210924135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030149183456856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053879772411805,0.2537344645403938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251146095437952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983157865915067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474540396233598,0.0,0.12086030133941393,0.0,0.1289209322402769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082681197232667,0.0,0.14989029499622067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870287440927644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266663469095827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131787354631667,0.0,0.3883996088336169,0.0,0.09575199986918484,0.14543276358469845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063518520804966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764128467132358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972034133269201,0.2181958456677893,0.30527548652363645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944810214379056,0.12525240503086268,0.0,0.15746175185006478,0.0,0.0,0.13738259293468172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348583900286474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215421947139578,0.0,0.0,0.16057719493559056,0.0,0.0,0.1145569756313668,0.11992813202122547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507580366797531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460876909926307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618476860759844,0.10190064745540976,0.0,0.0,0.09237517791477336
suicidewatch,Melouya,2019/04/14,"Tired of this shit. Im not gonna be around for long. I've forgotten what true happiness feels like, every single day of my life is just stress and my head making have panic attacks and mental breakdowns. My family blame me for being like this yet they didn't raise me well at all. I've got severe PTSD, social anxiety and separation anxiety and of course depression. There's only one person in my life that I believe that cares about me......and I can't even talk to her at the moment. I have no motivation to live let alone write a full letter. 

The stress and depression has taken over my life.
I just want to be dead.",2.7045087976539577,4.667158556451613,4.032170087976542,86.23189149560119,76.33870967741936,7.412316715542523,20.14369501466276,8.296473431620573,0.9540741935483872,487,11,99,9,11,160,87,124,0.306,0.575,0.12,-0.9781,0,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,1,8,13,2,3,3,0,10,6,2,2,2,16,17,5,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,3,1,13,6,14,9,3,10,0,2,0,0,7,6,1,0,6,62,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652064297064427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312214861632023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453390912291274,0.0,0.17192729535920914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702669067092962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408271812648286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974635710052462,0.0,0.2603286794393902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981709629531818,0.0,0.1273299160967556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424678554723644,0.0,0.07641369224795652,0.10796422675646837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208690239448308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608761125760531,0.0,0.0,0.1550985629089469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324168397828054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453626229121226,0.3202336432434291,0.1476647619178706,0.0,0.13344675750051305,0.13374148449129106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100877574971459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229915549072184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240668214517136,0.1149379010876251,0.0,0.17731344131809892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195712774791538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766578502659544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072901921357714,0.1551283542578058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540536144193404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462279462113149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146910916006425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369675499853726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891378504857795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588014933694584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,endercat55,2019/04/14,"I think I'm worthless. Hi there. Sorry for the bad grammar/spelling, I'm on mobile. I really just need to rant.

Lately life has just sucked for me. It's like the whole world is crushing oppon my shoulders, and I know I shouldn't feel that way because there are people worse off than me, but I still do. The world is so god damn cold and bitter, and I used to think that my purpose was to help others feel better, but recent enlightenments have provided me with some much needed insight: nobody cares about me or what I do. I haven't really helped anybody. Nobody seems to love me. I dont think I will ever find love. On top of all this crushing weight, I am so fucking tired. Tired all the time, no reprieve. Ever. And then the sadness started to kick in. I dont know what to do with my life, but I do know I'm too stupid to do what I love for a living. I really want someone, ANYONE to care.

I just dont know what to do. Life is pain and cold and filled with strife. 

I cant even laugh anymore. I feel hollow.


What do I do? What can I do? How do I make people care about me?",0.4927581120943962,2.5472588584070803,2.2320575221238954,95.83195058997052,84.30973451327435,4.6516224188790565,17.381268436578168,5.7366,-0.5451351032448377,826,18,187,5,24,271,118,226,0.202,0.621,0.177,-0.3426,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,2,15,18,5,0,6,0,26,12,1,3,4,42,54,14,0,4,7,0,4,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,11,9,1,0,14,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,1,7,30,9,23,51,5,17,0,2,0,4,6,7,3,3,9,126,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876428042720654,0.0766845963063477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157080330498613,0.06685449614301943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699519232664804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335451044706786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856012036432304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243673969193684,0.19840761164676507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635903887312195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023741580291784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138918219420702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470204784440345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410895151711176,0.0,0.12371379904228562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323918638906836,0.05357976898601848,0.0,0.0968416072453019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969473999257529,0.0,0.07320632346729722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062089130264939,0.1626394900340843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166978028846267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520642899092093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107743811456119,0.0,0.1082869990785907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984046767560306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292398313676042,0.0,0.0,0.12276783868729613,0.07762578242240137,0.0,0.08758349721115355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081847397138165,0.0,0.0,0.06395011137481131,0.2521016357746588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472063428546376,0.0,0.0,0.0646868674002897,0.08705182940214297,0.0,0.13354987723297151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244388765593757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176423961170844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DarkSoldier7743,2019/04/14,"I’m lonely and lost Today I was contemplating suicide yet again. I was thinking about how lonely I was and how sad and pathetic my life is. I have no real friends and I have no one to lean on. I’m always crying alone at night because I don’t know what to with myself anymore. I go to therapy and I have anti depressants but noting is working. I’m tired of just being the guy that people come to talk to when they have problems. I like helping people, but I don’t appreciate the fact that they treat me like shit right after. I’ve always been the annoying one and that’s probably why everyone hates me. I’m told that I’m hated and that no one wants me around everyday so that’s why I’m just alone in my room. I have no one to lean on and talk to, no one I could cry on, and no one that could just hug me and tell me that everything will be alright. All I’m asking for is a friend, but it seems like no one wants to be that. I’m just a complete embarrassment and should just go through with the suicide. Please if there’s anyone out there, help me have just the slightest glimpse of hope, because hope is what I’m all out of",4.524705882352944,4.2488038235294106,5.517310924369749,85.78504201680674,69.58823529411765,8.648739495798319,27.92436974789916,8.192908349453996,1.558198319327731,882,26,198,11,14,292,113,238,0.268,0.5720000000000001,0.16,-0.9796,0,6,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,2,16,21,4,1,7,1,23,4,1,2,3,44,47,19,2,9,10,0,0,3,2,2,2,0,1,1,12,17,0,0,3,0,0,3,9,11,0,7,6,0,23,10,25,34,2,20,0,5,0,1,12,10,1,4,10,135,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154144121435873,0.0,0.0,0.17306393894339253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031348556743721,0.07271555276638708,0.0,0.0,0.0925773827562362,0.09722106043512466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678847841976687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895822756600702,0.10903652514128223,0.0,0.0,0.16606270420618852,0.0,0.2284667168097512,0.0,0.0,0.08957053264863961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937144783122408,0.09346378283656552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069218406433974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820523502117865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297116041606302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053465867747157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941098829455173,0.0,0.0,0.20658051931853366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715279927866335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734545730397368,0.15241975728798945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352256306138835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759203555029948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932867758091902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419374202092514,0.0,0.0,0.11415501520382132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121239381727946,0.09950893857188124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118368801912015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881095508281647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467292187968553,0.0,0.0,0.10674912460433347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227506772358893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717409439870493,0.09089600221428573,0.0,0.11892706896387442,0.0,0.0,0.06663564177849647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952667603172383,0.09857487076117458,0.09937144783122408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267760531585895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767818742374034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570942236875437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,harveyfaircloth,2019/04/14,"29F here. Hey again. Is there a method where there’s little pain and low risk of paralysis if it is unsuccessful? As I’ve mentioned, I have a terminal illness (3-5 years) and want to go out on my terms. Lot of pain headed my way and just want to be prepared, and to go with dignity. Dignity",1.154,3.1919117333333347,3.256666666666668,89.525,81.66666666666666,7.333333333333335,23.333333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.4138333333333346,224,8,50,5,6,76,45,60,0.223,0.632,0.145,-0.7392,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,11,8,6,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,7,2,11,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,31,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34212369549585964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30890671894336524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30167509923966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558943667741144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6405577544648946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35506816324779783,0.2389150566057641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383029147609232
suicidewatch,dank_succ,2019/04/14,"19m drunk at a party, realized in a moment of reflection that my place is not on this planet and may be dead within next 48h. I’m sorry but I can’t do it. I thought I was getting better but I’m not. I told myself not to drink too much because it makes me very depressed but alas I did. I have no idea what I’m gonna do with my degree, I always feel like I don’t know enough. I’m unsuccessful with women and every attempt I’ve tried to lose weight has failed. I want to have kids one day and love someone but can’t do that without someone else. I’m doing intermittent fasting now but I just looked in a mirror and felt gross. I lift but it doesn’t help. The other guys here are ripped and can talk easily. I’m gonna write my suicide note tomorrow morning and jump off whatever high rise roof access I can reach. I’ve always been a bit afraid of death like any human but whatever I’m gonna die one day anyways. We’re already fucking our species to hell.. I’m so sorry. I can’t do it anymore. I’m too frightened to call a hotline and it’s too late in the year to go to counseling as I’m working over the summer in yeehaw town.  I could even just end t tonight because I have alcohol and could get alcohol poisoning. It’s ok it’ll be painless. I’m sorrry mom and dad it isn’t your fault I wish I was stronger but I’m not. Maya I will see you soon hopefully, I’m sorry we couldn’t save you it haunts me daily even 3 years after you passed. Maybe I’ll reconsider in the morning but I’m not drunk enough to forget how I feel so probabky not.",0.03770507349454988,2.1527796876876906,2.3915955429113325,93.52417852062591,86.95795795795796,5.3070649596965405,20.174569306148253,6.7183091564049375,0.2610708708708711,1208,38,273,15,38,411,183,333,0.201,0.6659999999999999,0.133,-0.9785,0,0,3,0,0,2,25.0,2,4,0,5,14,16,3,1,9,1,31,9,0,2,0,50,65,22,4,6,18,2,4,2,0,6,3,0,0,4,14,12,6,0,8,3,0,4,15,9,0,2,7,6,31,7,25,47,4,32,1,3,2,2,18,13,2,2,17,153,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24271920236973554,0.0,0.0,0.1253147318509686,0.0,0.18897969372901074,0.0,0.0,0.07722373773813547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261961074689092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844852929166285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043334779801917,0.1239765727933718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595602067756278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133459328555848,0.0,0.0,0.1464717968079568,0.0,0.09780785026868552,0.0,0.11785589156709313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124418951994483,0.0,0.0,0.09486363343237687,0.0,0.1005792079533331,0.23467276662872066,0.0,0.15000876015245865,0.0,0.09567801285002313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483727395629667,0.08112628195795532,0.10903405822159004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498308992444703,0.11865935639584015,0.0,0.06453796570172468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244086132070193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611593157769439,0.11998088893788005,0.0,0.11278930639607687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819382977493632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240883322880009,0.0,0.12809903984503504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095798553372027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536061816141476,0.12704301907516505,0.0,0.0,0.10249106434755073,0.0,0.07580124302496383,0.0,0.11408487058364132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329984523506779,0.0,0.0,0.08347863251528131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077085258780886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390048388579114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864456059746264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049149661856308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243565569151436,0.0,0.0,0.38135864506878775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242146700928907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127409601264644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901528387004437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851010263146488,0.0,0.07709883087257756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369773253805412,0.06697980070701673,0.0,0.0,0.13828377414162618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058677835257124,0.10946643188258516,0.0,0.08267200861715836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625602222738449
suicidewatch,hellraiser34,2019/04/14,I've lost my friends and moved away from everything I knew I have had a bad sequence of events over and over. I was sick and tired of my job so I started the job hunt. I found a job was given a job offer signed it and returned it. They told me I was okay to turn in my two weeks notice so I did. Then they still required a polygraph test. I showed up for the test and was disqualified. Now unemployed I was desperate for a job. I felt hopeless so I attempted suicide. I failed obviously and turned to three of my closest friends for help. They all turned me away told me to talk to a therapist because they couldn't help me. Now they don't respond to my texts. Thanks to one remaining friend I was able to get a job halfway across the country but now I have only one friend whom I don't want to tear away from his family. I have no family here I have only one friend here. I love my job but I hate everything about my life. I just want to fade away. I want to kill myself but I don't want my financial burdens to fall on my dad who co-signed on loans for me. I would turn to him for help but he failed me once before and I can't trust him again because he led to my sister's suicide. Why should I continue to live? I don't contribute to anything. I've lost my faith and I've lost my friends and family. I'm pointless and lost.,0.4050892244337732,2.526997790780144,2.142848318462594,95.90177419354843,85.27659574468086,5.766369251887442,20.44429192404484,7.1029339738359605,0.3408388011896593,1035,32,242,15,31,339,129,282,0.215,0.657,0.128,-0.9736,10,0,0,0,0,4,22.0,0,0,5,8,12,22,2,0,10,1,20,4,0,1,2,30,44,18,3,7,5,2,1,0,6,2,3,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,3,1,1,3,7,11,0,5,18,1,53,11,37,23,1,27,1,7,0,1,29,12,0,0,12,157,57,13,0.07440420178902178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061228318423511285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796207872693449,0.0,0.062124400628248214,0.0907122216315091,0.0,0.06331249559405243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373939791469194,0.0,0.21042497892692014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143970185442299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158036686696854,0.3449070104075733,0.0,0.038873124514584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345874531718423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961470425775875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168428266324968,0.0,0.08231722537993191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255388811724751,0.0,0.0,0.06570027332787426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248839020374629,0.0,0.06715269704857851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907989148664997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470967688453031,0.0,0.07923804661485316,0.15125463818435525,0.11317549648458282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266367698259455,0.0,0.05941929166053837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277224093314532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059803279016943774,0.0,0.06850139248755853,0.0,0.08638901298040616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551668465623702,0.0,0.14219280666285825,0.0,0.0,0.32372162336825616,0.07268209379450889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554210384624405,0.0,0.05968256268288636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713821928131923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285461019008266,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anyeducation,2019/04/14,I just need a friend I have nobody I am falling apart at the seams. I am so tired. My life feels so fucking meaningless. Nobody cares about me. Nobody would even miss me that much. I just need a way out. I want to start all over. I wish I could reset my life. I can’t do this anymore.,-1.3630783242258635,0.6543156065573754,0.5943169398907102,102.87358834244085,97.85245901639344,3.3668488160291434,13.335154826958108,5.033348758259628,-1.4151981785063752,216,4,53,1,9,70,43,61,0.168,0.6629999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.0132,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,3,0,7,4,0,0,1,11,16,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,13,2,5,14,2,7,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634921854552991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708877354951437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213111982265784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754851388131898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434038745915688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052707326143056,0.2456252833461903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753281246261652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531205244268265,0.39401018884226013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805610608388407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053705256275685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567103096219807,0.21089163360395727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055293424607725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873790723373904,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fcukitt,2019/04/14,"nobody thinks it could happen until it happens My little brother took his own life a year ago I knew he was thinking about it because I had spent the previous 3 years convincing him he had so much to live for, one thing that kept coming up in our talks was the fact he thought nobody believed he would do it, I think he opened up to me more because I believed he would and I told him he would literally kill me if he went trough with it, worst thing about it is I tried tell family around how he was feeling and they would brush it off like he's only saying that he won't do it he's just looking for attention, I told him if he done it he would kill me and I would go and do it, I tried to give him things to look forward to like holidays and stuff because I felt if he had something to look forward to he would hold off doing it and I kind of taught I had it under control and he was ok, last year he done it, he had more to live for than ever, his girlfriend had only giving birth to a son, I thought things where finally going to get better now, I can't get over it I'm sure I can never be happy now I don't want to be, I made a promise and I intend to keep it. I just wish people wouldn't be so naive like that can't happen,",3.7956601123595526,3.5011470374531832,4.972057584269663,89.13763693820225,71.13483146067415,7.7236891385767805,25.676264044943814,6.9077264865688965,0.8449252808988765,957,24,224,7,16,318,130,267,0.076,0.815,0.109,0.5631,0,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,1,0,1,2,12,13,2,0,5,1,34,1,0,4,4,48,67,15,2,14,5,2,2,3,1,9,1,1,0,0,23,12,0,4,9,1,1,7,6,3,0,1,24,7,31,10,29,30,5,30,0,0,3,0,37,13,0,3,17,149,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174341603827884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209128481598055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864101333606935,0.0,0.0,0.2077904258418415,0.0,0.08155705532853585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794354288999289,0.0,0.0,0.10342744763200527,0.07362651839163087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873680581756086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341413719859303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693250182761511,0.0,0.04662689291542583,0.0,0.08854127552291352,0.10101749772178516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635751378403078,0.17692288925626445,0.10481630962082734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446374045109617,0.09816504153984544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196531253455036,0.20404542413960475,0.09602818138411373,0.0,0.07516788447853863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513448638225937,0.1351554055060831,0.09242408819701603,0.1628558309078074,0.0,0.2323132121572256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725647093370105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778895257471032,0.0,0.07112222565144886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062487562918864814,0.14026798204034746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393056917632736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333341236213001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099194438472663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055646066855968,0.0,0.0,0.08691195283660037,0.0,0.0,0.0741192707579177,0.08060035166531307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450553404823036,0.17726377497204812,0.0,0.14641750404862375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623159315205114,0.10245473741002248,0.12521644957780154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054391050701032256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548462884047835,0.0,0.0,0.10604319522131823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585503770890381,0.0,0.0,0.17815114339689905
suicidewatch,ColderClimbs,2019/04/14,"I feel really isolated, I keep wanting to end it. I think I could manage if people didn’t come keep coming into my life pretending to be my friend. Then we date they turn out manipulative or obsessive. I have to end it because it’s really unhealthy. Even during the relationship it’s lonely. I try to do my own thing they ask to hang out but I don’t even know how to relate to people anymore. I’m just alone. All the time. Everything seems wrong. I can’t keep ignoring it. But then I go to change it and it falls apart.",0.6009920920201282,2.969894289719626,3.0592523364485977,87.78918044572252,87.41121495327103,6.656793673616103,18.51114306254493,7.882392219407189,0.8338948957584459,407,11,86,9,13,140,68,107,0.16899999999999998,0.799,0.032,-0.9223,0,3,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,1,25,21,8,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,4,4,1,0,5,3,4,0,0,1,1,15,1,11,18,2,15,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,3,6,56,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103728267893565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733519483211454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341187597613116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655480930779852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491236200563407,0.301144786002235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956141757017154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096370435606265,0.0,0.0,0.2309039310756631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570965387622016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838276499176557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504795738253694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934133159296228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661036047388719,0.0,0.0,0.0960640226059439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234644996230929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236487220154504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395924767616865,0.0,0.0,0.1876668799760493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912889346464873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161275565107357,0.1120030493512649,0.0,0.0,0.10192570905295796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867589007283764,0.1901292638765773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309997409615383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911134031731556,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Amami216,2019/04/14,"Your Choice Affects People It's been a little under a month since I had to attend my cousins funeral. He ended his life while serving his country in Japan and going on this subreddit sickens me, seeing all this hopelessness, a loss of spark, and overall melancholy and somber tone. It makes me wonder if this is how he felt. Remember you can seek help. I know it's been said over and over but YOU NEED HELP. Call someone, a social worker, a psychologist, someone that cares, and if you think no one cares YOUR A LIAR, and even if you believe no one cares YOU NEED TO CARE FOR YOURSELF. How'd you feel if your brother, cousin, father, sister, mother, aunt, niece, or nephew had to be sat down and told how who could've been someone they cared about, someone they looked forward to seeing and someone who they thought looked forward to seeing them GONE. That's it. It leaves a whole in your heart. Wishing, Pleading you could've told that person how much they were worth to everyone around them. Who's gonna find you? You thought about that yet? Who's gonna be the one to find this possibly disfigured thing that once held a person lost to their own twisted thoughts. I love you. You matter . You are loved. I hate this emptiness I feel. I think of how happy he was. Must've been good at covering it up. Remember not to hide your feelings it will lead to despair. If you feel you have no one you have me. You can comment on this i'll respond. Maybe not immediately  but I will as long as you talk to me I'll talk to you.",2.670523172479694,4.849559548494983,3.058254897276637,92.1561162207358,77.26086956521739,5.743000477783087,23.722049689440993,6.7097532225279775,0.6346377448638312,1191,39,245,11,28,367,157,299,0.121,0.711,0.168,0.9645,0,2,0,0,0,1,40.0,0,23,7,4,9,16,2,1,9,0,18,4,1,7,1,48,57,23,1,8,10,8,5,0,0,4,1,1,0,2,23,9,0,1,16,0,1,6,5,7,0,4,19,11,44,9,30,32,4,23,0,4,5,2,62,14,0,7,7,160,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908034935853736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008455529577276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907085922133116,0.0,0.4528566537237436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185210548268845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786798158997372,0.0,0.0,0.05867346677466132,0.0,0.0,0.0848838947137714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796668666848392,0.0,0.0852937679888703,0.0,0.16238380442583822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504859340541961,0.07450904299520096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456455453423623,0.0,0.08770435790178915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526772662116046,0.11908599412213855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488203835452521,0.0,0.0,0.0940614937920274,0.0,0.0,0.06274549058337138,0.0,0.08903416727059779,0.0,0.07861455439935197,0.14919496849699754,0.0,0.09697189183463327,0.0,0.1603507969156995,0.0,0.059296826526438674,0.0,0.0892448528589629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709057836947501,0.0,0.06530259654571569,0.1317373304671928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946044200692607,0.2407826027946613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158573052531801,0.1551313840605119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014604456910214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126131481375606,0.0,0.08450068120560766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236559044321715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734837109345333,0.0,0.0,0.09055422330065928,0.3763402563623939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280146397696852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901680665906514,0.11384140866131542,0.0,0.21157082749391104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697677894275428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991790547820682,0.1021537541286594,0.0,0.09633577659189067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,core_contractor,2019/04/14,"Perhaps seeking help. Not sure. Sorry for being ridiculous, perhaps wrong subreddit to post this. I’m not sure why I am posting tbh lol. Not seeking help or solace, and not actually going to directly end my life this I know but I’m scare. Conscious I won’t do it doesn’t equal to subconscious actions leading to the same outcome. I have realise the increase frequency of risk taking behaviours which sort of lead to the same outcome which is death. 

The concern is I may do something without actually realising it, of course I can keep an eye and monitor my actions and behaviour but it is not sustainable, for example you can control breathing, but it also happens without even consciously doing it. 

Perhaps I’m afraid, probably not. Deep down I long for this, the end of the suffering and shit. Perhaps I’m whining, or maybe wanting someone who read this to know how it ended or to understand what I feel.

If you actually read everything, I thank you for your patience. If this leads to my eventual demise, so be it.",4.611763157894735,6.805315373684207,5.623355263157897,75.89661184210529,71.57894736842105,8.75,36.08552631578947,9.354420925462401,3.8449736842105264,811,46,136,19,16,267,109,190,0.151,0.7859999999999999,0.064,-0.9615,0,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,4,0,4,4,11,2,3,7,1,15,4,3,5,2,39,29,15,1,3,16,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,4,0,2,6,2,0,7,10,8,0,0,0,2,16,3,19,25,4,15,0,2,1,0,7,2,1,7,4,98,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.4067749073416394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111537984839748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584019399276428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36919578672959386,0.0,0.0,0.09177278178361084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487605822578947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025547089853218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896643685452744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286983597275185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626567600016286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350193781741516,0.0,0.0,0.15272260706522633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814194612581062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296318493699875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959032688815134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661444712879839,0.0,0.14980771168073154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779679866494193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910957824420775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262647514441912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772882743124224,0.1069677212204142,0.0,0.155539110647589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261910661056563,0.0,0.10447039503622016,0.0,0.0,0.12792317013839782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464809475608253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195418224838971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537750746414594,0.0,0.0,0.2678787280311065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519160679822816,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,la_devotee_,2019/04/14,"I'm the loneliest person that I know and I'm constantly suicidal I'm 24. I cut off all contact with my family 5 years ago. The adults in my life never lifted a finger to stop my siblings and my cousins from abusing me. I've been physically attacked, held down and violated, woken from sleep by having a bucket of water poured onto my face, blackmailed for childish reasons, had my privacy invaded countless times, had to watch while my things were destroyed and -- of course -- was forced to participate in incest as the youngest child for years. My most recent contact with my family consisted of my mother accusing me of cutting her off from my life because she could no longer financially support me, being repeatedly propositioned by the same cousin that was forced into incest with me when we were kids, and having to call the police on my schizophrenic brother to get him to leave my apartment after inviting him to stay to get him psychiatric treatment. I have no family and no close friends.

All I have is my partner and our cat. They are my entire world and have been for years. It used to be two cats -- and I loved them all with the passion of someone who has been through hell and back with no one but a partner and two furry animals -- but my partner's mother carelessly let one of my cats escape the house and she got ran over by a car. This devastated me. I can't stress enough how much it hurt and still does. I sobbed for days. Last year, I spiraled into self-destriction for months and that cat along with her sister who was left behind helped me avoid destroying myself in all sorts of ways. I have no one and nothing and I loved them with all of my heart and now one of them is gone due to some asshole's carelessness. I have to live with my partner's mother, no less, and somehow she decided that enough time had passed since her callous mistake and tries to engage in conversation with me. I hate her and I want to tear into her -- make her cry like I've cried -- but for my partner's sake, I don't and I've even had a cordial conversation with her which left me feeling sick aftereard.

All of this is context. I've been deeply suicidal for five years. Some days are better but most of them are not. It's a good day when I can distract myself from how awful my life is by working, spending time with my partner, or planning the future but they all just feel like distractions that inevitably lift to reveal how sad and depressed I am underneath it all. I go to therapy. I haven't badly needed meds since I graduated college a few months ago. But tonight is hard. These past few weeks have been hard. My cat dies, I get horribly sick for over a week, work busts my balls about calling out when sick and when I do show up I don't make money. I don't make money because it requires speaking to people, being fun, and strenuous physical activity which are all things that, for lack of a better term, my severe executive dysfuction prevents heavily. I just stress and stress and stress and tonight I cried at work because I'm tired, depressed, and stressed.

I feel so lonely because there are some days when my partner is stressed that they emotionally distance themself from me if I need to vent or someone to talk to about my own stress. Understandable, I can be pretty negative a lot of times especially when I am in my current state of mind. But having one human being who genuinely cares about my emotions and will listen to me is rough because when that one human being decides that you are too much for them, who do you turn to? I've tried in these past weeks to form stronger relationships with friends past and present but the benefit of friendship feels one-sided. The one girl I talk to literally has no idea how to listen to other people, will interrupt or otherwise be disengaged when I'm talking, and then go on and on and on for as long as she likes. We've only had two conversations. This other former friend texts back so sporadically and distractedly that it's impossible to have a real conversation and once I sent him a few bucks for a dilemma that he had (I never do that, we were childhood friends, and he had never asked for anything like that before) he utterly ghosted me for the rest of the day.

I can get angry, frustrated, upset, sad, overwhelmed, devastated, every horrible emotion that I have experienced way too much in my short life on a daily basis for, clearly, as long as 24 years and counting. But when I feel lonely? I cannot find a reason to stay in this world. I feel so insignificant. I feel disconnected with other human beings because everyone seems so egotistical and selfish to the point where the majority of my interactions with other people either hurt me, generally unpleasant, or unfulfilling. I feel like I'm not cut out for this world. I'm too damaged, too hurt, too vulnerable to make it in a cruel and unforgiving universe. It seems that the people who are selfish, who emerge from their trauma mean and horrible and selfish will make it in this world while people like me will keep getting shit on by anything and everything as we try to remain calm, empathetic, and to work on our problems privately and without trampling others in the process.

I am lonely. I am living in a house with a person that I want to rip to shreds. I'm planning for a future that I don't want to live to see. I can't stop and rest without either being self-critical about taking time off or without the world at large disadvantaging me in numerous ways for taking time off to mourn, recover from an illness, seek mental health, anything that benefits me and only me.

I'm tired, damaged, and alone and I sincerely, deeply feel in my bones the urge to die. Trying at life just means that in the near future there is another slap in the face whether its someone allowing my cat to die or getting rejected from a job, offer, whatever, whatever. I have taken so much shit in life and I have no idea how to recover from it so when life, as it does, shits on me repeatedly, I come out of it weaker and weaker. I don't know what my limit is and I wish I were brave enough to kill myself before I hit it. Otherwise, I'm still going to end up committing suicide, I will just have to suffer exponentially until I finally, finally take the plunge. I wish, for once in my life, that I had the balls to quit while I'm ahead. I never pray anymore but I think I will start praying for the courage and determination to follow through with killing myself before something horrible comes around the bend and causes more suffering and takes everything from me.",6.630013513513517,6.86291199920635,6.896254826254829,75.9468532818533,65.1190476190476,9.858429858429858,33.058773058773056,9.635858565294015,3.021117331617332,5229,202,965,96,74,1692,478,1260,0.236,0.6609999999999999,0.103,-0.9997,2,9,1,0,0,3,129.0,5,2,9,12,45,81,16,13,45,1,88,31,9,15,15,197,165,105,10,12,29,7,13,6,11,6,16,3,0,16,58,84,1,8,25,3,4,11,27,55,0,11,27,19,147,26,182,120,37,155,3,18,2,5,89,61,5,17,83,697,205,8,0.0,0.04784912847695496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159699435812908,0.0,0.0,0.041826249821937764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04234675767385144,0.0,0.0,0.04005065581137068,0.0,0.0,0.0996992152877824,0.03595084191899329,0.0377541346583879,0.04594329457394998,0.0,0.06210650483334381,0.03371944089671313,0.14770840595550375,0.0,0.10309291992925873,0.0,0.0,0.07143376571745425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247435136054149,0.0,0.0411747750283022,0.041486092363638635,0.0,0.06957548669265919,0.0,0.04364138857548038,0.0,0.03224380431707045,0.0,0.13308170811124204,0.13022357920444266,0.0,0.06956636629769823,0.0,0.1257384673199871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068164346616998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628166464352345,0.03576875477373667,0.1251842127079339,0.0,0.026673636952356628,0.0,0.03402575391584689,0.03858920079484722,0.07259012043483466,0.0,0.11421297539073688,0.0,0.18377693248686813,0.05770150996626455,0.0,0.08847867589815563,0.03691077828102558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480411813166535,0.0,0.12659567042429398,0.0,0.06885446949985606,0.033872673148057614,0.032299241143536814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235331010820584,0.03987141599790663,0.0,0.04292692447891838,0.0,0.04785592665721548,0.027068935482573032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319677593287908,0.1296975977464253,0.09117855974474068,0.0,0.0,0.04007546832135715,0.035895673948531825,0.08935911776725974,0.0,0.04438862259706238,0.03291882613764415,0.0,0.04276144353700273,0.08775593767668051,0.04129597342858485,0.22819860877096035,0.11837920745761665,0.0,0.10698098304242537,0.07147817228093932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03433352927454366,0.07289732782242139,0.0,0.13478511754449038,0.0,0.0,0.08798130256306627,0.04485816893341837,0.0,0.04069816226361784,0.0,0.040776917636626386,0.0,0.06446917954787952,0.0,0.11874926422850307,0.05988931486612016,0.12458832369618172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03875009766635582,0.0,0.0,0.08601652821051556,0.21892511502872108,0.06142859208419965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565496553494027,0.13998792876743926,0.07052452234054281,0.0,0.0,0.03817648546915485,0.0,0.0,0.04108564059656855,0.0,0.038642592970511834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295397627600411,0.0,0.045966498068804235,0.0,0.08304415709018326,0.03987490481165351,0.043357929864107234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03218128495463601,0.07352921733524602,0.0842598576296503,0.04562308507013218,0.12436258585143875,0.06681309065671702,0.0,0.04041374940970577,0.0,0.10265318128196044,0.031090025887869095,0.0,0.0,0.028584416516861014,0.08608918671949876,0.06450236213179804,0.06752664129608077,0.32382283285792623,0.0,0.0,0.13252254111748468,0.04582794750992017,0.0,0.0,0.12145672541716765,0.09737879698711596,0.0,0.0,0.046183291522371904,0.0,0.053659446473722144,0.025876810862726828,0.0,0.0,0.1412914546785737,0.09283227732704004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967392688566648,0.04392683082559402,0.11834961180320418,0.042041776334852864,0.0,0.034879314303383015,0.0,0.0,0.0714596221734407,0.09616620944232174,0.09718223232410014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288055745582424,0.1167878939685282,0.0,0.11760183294548952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603808877658196
suicidewatch,debtmaster316,2019/04/14,"Suicidal over debt, anxiety, and life. Hello all. 

I’m a male in Australia in his late 30s. 

I feel I can’t live any more because life has become impossible. And my only way out is to end my own life. 

I used to be (what I considered) successful and had everything I wanted.

I then developed an addiction to alcohol and benzodiazepines to treat my anxiety, which eventually cost me everything. 

I lost my wife, my parents and family have disowned me, I no longer have permanent accomodation (may be homeless), I have huge amounts of debt (will likely have to go bankrupt), I don’t have a job, and I have crippling anxiety which makes it impossible for me to function (so I can’t work any way). 

Today I’m in rehab/hospital feeling the sickest I’ve ever been after coming off benzodiazepines.  

I told my psychiatrist that I’d rather be dead than to live feeling the way I do in withdrawals. It’s torture. 

I’ll be out next week. 

But I simply can’t see any future after losing everything and suffering anxiety so bad that having a shower is a superhuman feat.",4.3239365671641785,6.15322436318408,6.275544154228858,72.44525652985077,71.5373134328358,10.000124378109453,31.46797263681592,10.270032843473604,3.692713681592039,831,38,147,25,16,289,118,201,0.19,0.7509999999999999,0.058,-0.9769,5,0,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,1,0,7,0,23,6,0,2,2,21,36,11,2,2,2,2,3,1,0,2,6,0,1,1,7,10,1,0,3,0,3,2,5,5,0,0,4,4,25,3,20,26,4,24,0,3,1,0,6,9,0,1,11,99,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218042065041198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938262036769908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660765233761679,0.0,0.3990932313367976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889783343030282,0.07950470589191536,0.14404205748056967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234794467526292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551614723657565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797515291228836,0.0,0.0,0.3516475940991414,0.0,0.12295128308698335,0.0,0.1978375011573592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412244836734608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294247934676144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471229277771685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763650592890155,0.06371813446738475,0.0,0.2303319580979904,0.0,0.0,0.1459100781910614,0.1423722107999518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705842617144015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387064371782794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919263799678328,0.0,0.0,0.14481940831778942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393031780383602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142661693319862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362584054765187,0.1246248528627118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264367552260413,0.0,0.0,0.07692691837400607,0.3105713374534147,0.10461753681337424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494956377260516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,maajigg,2019/04/14,"I’ve done everything I can... I can’t do it anymore. I can’t grieve and hurt any longer. I can’t continue to feel this depression and anxiety and make it. I can’t continue to watch my friends grow distant because they don’t understand my mental illness. I can’t continue to watch my ex of almost 3 years move on while I sit here in the same little school as him even though he promised me we can be friends in the future. I’ve talked to a therapist, I’ve tried talking to my friends, I’ve tried medicating myself, I’ve tried being active, but it is so debilitating that I can’t even move sometimes. I want to end my life but I’m scared, even though every day that fear goes away little by little and I’m just waiting for the day where I can do it without any thought. That day is coming soon. I don’t have a foundation to stand on anymore. I am lost. I am confused. I am sick. I want to end my life.",1.959289473684212,3.4940308631579,3.698092105263161,89.69976973684211,77.21052631578948,7.065789473684213,25.559210526315788,7.8658589789855275,1.2863421052631576,704,26,158,11,16,236,98,190,0.157,0.773,0.07,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,1,0,1,1,10,11,0,3,5,0,22,5,0,1,0,20,33,11,1,2,4,1,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,4,9,7,0,0,3,3,26,4,18,28,1,27,0,4,2,0,10,9,0,2,12,97,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956439041980454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239563559380366,0.0,0.09134261190411903,0.0,0.2368304591728725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218261144594137,0.0,0.0,0.07278667664205768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028547106581988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23101427005372874,0.0,0.10284122781202136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221902482415831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151040964230391,0.0,0.0,0.2365927433369384,0.0,0.10060178491890467,0.0,0.10731129868986566,0.0,0.0,0.13436104694408632,0.06037350897605887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675030537885875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782288248733173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686750822270357,0.0,0.35901812255565624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034197100733794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970211880692496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028549150210815,0.12032967077717895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253811995208745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954276675352707,0.120841739287143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809215951655827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194246833125975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863554524712918,0.0,0.0,0.2346247673781425,0.09479227482480633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24319944896117845,0.0,0.0,0.12430224914069456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085341666116696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509978215532204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689131730963998
suicidewatch,sadttoki,2019/04/14,"This essay/life makes me want to kill myself (rant) I know the title is a bit much... but this is exactly how I feel right now. Please bear with me...

I procrastinated on an essay for almost an entire fucking year. Reason was depression and suicidal thoughts. The school was really nice about giving me an extension, but in many ways, this essay has been the bane of my existence. I’ve lied to my parents about it. I’ve lied to myself about it. I wake up in the morning and feel like shit for waking up, for continuing to exist.

At this point, the essay seems impossible. As soon as I start reading one of the designated articles, I feel overwhelmed at the complicated language used, as well as feel lost as fuck at all the history references used. It’s due at the end of this month, and I am scared that every day will just end up with me exhausted from doing the bare minimum each day. I’ve ignored this assignment so much that I’m scared to pick it up. Scared that I’ll waste hours on hours, again, unable to concentrate. 

But of course, it’s more than the essay. I’m on a leave of absence because this January, I was hospitalized for bipolar disorder. Since then, I’ve unlearned faith in God, unlearned how to study, gotten fat (167lbs at 167cm(5’5.75”)) and gotten apathetic. The faith one is a big one for me... I used to think I was an okay Christian — read the Bible sometimes and tried to pray... but ever since my manic episode January, I couldn’t trust God. I would hear voices in my head and they would claim to be God, and I would do whatever crazy thing the voice said. I hate my brain for being the way it is.

I also fucking hate my body for not being as pretty and skinny as the girls I envy so much on Snapchat and Instagram. My own friends, with their skinny, glamorous bodies. 

I hate that I’m this way... so envious, so disgusting on the inside. I hate myself for being alive. I would love to somehow end it all. 

And yet I could just finish my essay, right? That would give me the motivation to also lose weight and glow up, physically and academically? 

You got me there... but until I finish this essay, I’m gonna continue wanting to die. Hating myself for lying to my parents, hating myself for procrastinating, hating myself for being envious.",3.569895619757692,5.553420151724138,4.755594905250078,81.9074091332712,73.91954022988506,7.737185461323392,24.630319975147557,8.524219190627866,1.7025688101894998,1766,56,336,33,37,581,211,435,0.246,0.639,0.115,-0.9977,2,0,0,0,0,1,77.0,0,1,2,3,21,34,15,4,25,1,26,17,10,9,4,58,65,34,3,9,8,2,5,1,1,7,3,4,0,1,22,16,4,1,11,2,0,0,2,24,1,3,11,10,46,10,65,40,9,48,4,4,1,4,12,23,4,3,23,232,68,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474215621505881,0.0,0.0,0.11938072406693348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550044655314472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814886146221643,0.16581859683531874,0.0,0.08332401515747853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595947462370237,0.0,0.0,0.09627451004789893,0.0,0.06428816378761341,0.0,0.07746554943786843,0.0,0.08554502579388013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832925200082333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751703662651375,0.06288824203863501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096288195159516,0.05332352860906237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766743337924371,0.2070131404008611,0.0,0.14320485226076676,0.0,0.0,0.05969720758348769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158475800802641,0.07660317593118121,0.0,0.08412580538815392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701265337568628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257918164583378,0.0,0.04102072871845434,0.0,0.0,0.07903401693104024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036465810913642316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350416041187643,0.0814794432038141,0.0,0.06736639557501564,0.0,0.04982343148844115,0.07567423492497515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957771541912879,0.0,0.16460911834272096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517359724377419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657599427379726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193337806071678,0.07055984899868709,0.0,0.0,0.07593670713482736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493223510503706,0.0,0.047816920912204235,0.07674335539924046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748597239887466,0.07100066137429863,0.0,0.22418591645140426,0.07554065322782763,0.0,0.0679503417929668,0.0,0.0,0.07661788987755869,0.12348757435208478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382183443891198,0.0,0.052831267424416996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816451136981261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958814822802474,0.047826923945548085,0.0,0.05925659795579831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067632356046859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933975157885796,0.0,0.0,0.0880503637792972,0.17773959896095576,0.0,0.09089260112316833,0.0671112019994919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651140411719124,0.0,0.0,0.04806634174071642
suicidewatch,exDiddy,2019/04/14,"Parents left for 3 weeks My parents left for a holiday for 3 weeks. Im 26 years old. They asked if I will be okay months ago because they know I am mentally ill, and i said I will be fine because I want them to enjoy themselves. But truth is the past month has been hard for me trying real hard to not kill myself. My anxiety is starting to get bad and when I get paranoid I become very dizzy and just lay on the floor and scream until I fall asleep. They have only been gone for 3 days.",1.6231930960086274,3.2494679320388364,2.9645954692556664,94.19170442286949,78.41747572815535,5.742826321467099,21.153182308522112,6.42735559955562,0.13103538295577088,379,10,86,3,9,123,70,103,0.161,0.684,0.155,0.0631,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,4,0,2,7,1,0,3,1,11,2,1,0,1,12,19,8,1,2,4,2,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,4,16,4,10,11,0,18,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,12,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764418429038234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741690328061053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570984411286382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906950677344224,0.20306520132253672,0.18395093141385133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741654338639672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404002930621895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984076509748691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991191220130426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427245682496046,0.0,0.09153627235153347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36193289819127816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785193354551026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658910338779089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174775273913453,0.0,0.0,0.1266753507139164,0.0,0.0,0.3698873164242844,0.0,0.1589990678484375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958019600954049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843540765215566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789106226829488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308238298357247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374283209698994,0.09824060092729917,0.0,0.2672065877931385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725830295990617
suicidewatch,oofwhynow,2019/04/14,I’m giving myself until Friday to live. If my ex girlfriend doesn’t make it to our meeting that day I’m ending it I have BPD and I push the people I love the most away. I hate doing this shit. She said that she was going to go but I asked her to resign and I instantly regret saying that. I lover her. I want her to go. I want her to come back but I fucked up. I just don’t want to live with BPD anymore it’s so fucking exhausting I just want to end it all,-1.9003559870550149,-0.015383106796111434,1.0646990291262135,99.65950809061493,98.51456310679613,3.5233656957928803,12.691909385113268,5.2151,-1.3259224595469252,352,6,86,2,15,122,62,103,0.198,0.6629999999999999,0.139,-0.8884,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,5,9,4,0,2,0,5,6,1,1,1,17,23,7,0,6,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,7,0,0,2,2,21,2,12,21,2,12,0,2,0,4,16,2,3,2,5,59,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713300035053602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754952505179912,0.0,0.15833619124500006,0.12958647347710653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42450644620136174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517065459002476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868564855132794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29852890960351913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116000612819975,0.0,0.16166597197861515,0.2873324753845416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663850253873392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976239683488377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210174302612658,0.0,0.11249274520700732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683505337816096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603072905839685,0.13401903436994164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299002711794992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39760517660477546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PippySunrise,2019/04/14,"Just waiting I feel like my whole life has just been waiting. As a kid, I was waiting to be an adult because it seems rad as a naive youth. Somewhere along the line, it became waiting to be happy. Waiting for college because I thought that was gonna be my paradise. Then waiting for college to end. Waiting for something or someone to come along and make everything fun again. Waiting for the right job to come along, waiting to find my place in society, waiting to find my “tribe” (as my mother called it), waiting for everything. Lately, it’s turned to waiting for literally anything. Just something to come along and change the world because everything seems so pointless and boring now. Alien invasion, zombie apocalypse, nuclear war, magical or paranormal shit, just SOMETHING to happen and change up the boring bullshit. Right now, I’m waiting for my summer job to start, and then end so I can figure out what I’m doing for the rest of my life. Waiting until I get into a place where I can afford therapy or meds. I’m getting tired of waiting for things that don’t actually work. I have a job right now that I actually really love, but it doesn’t make me happy deep down I guess. So what am I really waiting for? More disappointment? More bullshit? Maybe I just wait for sunset every day, so I can sleep, then sunrise every night, so I can get the next day over with. On days where I’m really down, I think maybe me and everyone else in the world is just waiting for death. I don’t know for sure, but I do know I’m tired of waiting.",4.215410628019324,5.8628736767676815,4.941036451471233,82.63735177865613,71.49158249158249,7.589459815546772,30.08476064997805,8.18289091462,2.19567703118138,1210,51,226,18,23,390,136,297,0.112,0.823,0.065,-0.9376,4,0,3,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,1,17,11,2,0,12,0,19,7,2,2,1,60,64,23,2,0,11,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,11,16,0,19,10,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,4,1,25,6,45,56,4,41,0,1,0,1,5,19,1,6,20,147,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.1830778022294763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719247043576266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154563444038118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578408782953783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846379944237985,0.2424108011114677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814869210933296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836097292250452,0.0,0.16616451016745773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806736265408186,0.0896334760378296,0.2529142099302452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742998022207489,0.0670133975876273,0.0,0.0,0.17146980463154451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470257190838753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333537507367728,0.0,0.08295032138484981,0.19971161223113248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792571591661584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310414462994852,0.0,0.10581468397846193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251268560781626,0.04582776025620785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466152125474055,0.0,0.12522942538155207,0.0,0.18847689322473288,0.0,0.1041947883702054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976132230068167,0.0880284384588807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600984832628432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027919847530985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403235976142565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079077058727754,0.0,0.0,0.09628817241883138,0.0,0.0,0.09387146571321092,0.0,0.07947958906569012,0.2166440636009173,0.0,0.0,0.06639475708606847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840889766296396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727273093905,0.0,0.062319024631728136,0.06010563729294401,0.0,0.07446967712161537,0.0,0.2156271582188734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020315128876528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472850545135083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682902266579975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WallowinWasabi,2019/04/14,"26 and just survived a suicide attempt but still feeling suicidal Just as stated. Overdosed and drank and havent fully recovered. Hospital waited until I sobered up and because I have a way with words and can pretend really well, when I articulated well that I was ok and feeling fine they let me go without any kind of assessment or mental health help. Yeah I know that's my fault but hey, I dont look sick so i must be fine. I was kind of in a daze and didnt think it was messed up until i got home. Now it's been a week and all i can think about is how i failed and want to just try again properly this time. I'm 26 with failure after failure and I dont see it getting any better. My partner deserves someone who's going to be good for him, not.this mess of a brain fucking up his future because of mental illness. I cant even get out of bed. No one close to me understands mental illness so this shit is rough.",2.380710526315788,4.020122794736842,3.884407894736846,88.3639802631579,76.31578947368422,6.434210526315789,26.61184210526316,7.1686216300943375,1.2378157894736836,721,28,151,8,16,239,119,190,0.228,0.602,0.17,-0.9586,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,1,4,14,16,2,0,5,2,18,8,2,1,2,33,36,20,2,2,7,0,3,0,1,1,4,0,2,1,8,14,1,1,6,1,0,2,7,7,2,1,7,5,20,9,22,25,1,20,0,1,2,1,7,6,2,1,10,102,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677289955074775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742541873605016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145376622039207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533013320233629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218903076066522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070258677032228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887239378423125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269557566319587,0.1434944273743187,0.0,0.15609116235855566,0.11518260823756987,0.10983221851860653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597121117329165,0.0,0.0,0.09204678288805364,0.0,0.1377492643630141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28600797920949,0.07547082724257864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404252303449084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531932847743795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41517719544979176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305571207613747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797460918371004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109431113432038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096325714561872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635594974802785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966879223482237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004249053401089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17598602596323715,0.0,0.0,0.08007594696578071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323540025266652,0.0,0.0,0.14296130193275222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099848541262013,0.10900305761196584,0.110154705382631,0.0,0.246945292801044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237744950597166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,squilliamboi,2019/04/14,"Already burnt out I’m only 13 but life is already so stupid and annoying and stressful

I have no friends and no one actually appreciates me

I’m failing a bunch of classes even though I’ve tried to get my grade up

I really don’t even know what to fucking do anymore",1.4795151515151483,3.8494584363636406,3.6468181818181833,85.24356060606063,82.81818181818181,6.575757575757575,29.166666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.10239393939394,214,11,43,4,6,73,43,55,0.335,0.547,0.118,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,3,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,9,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,9,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,27,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.249778258876363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5649124274561681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538417341141331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381159245434739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775265304228,0.2366292106884884,0.13372758348491515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066792049603752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079083038512775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344388535658264,0.19466772794287102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397336272130236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931992275894267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514776098707777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377880101940985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kwee3,2019/04/14,"I lost my mother, grandmother, best friend. I lost her. Last Tuesday. They gave us an estimate of three weeks, we had one day.
I called and texted her every single day. She took me in when my biological mom didn't want me. She was unwavering in her love, care, and help.
What the fuck am I supposed to do? I know, I know. It's so fresh, it hurts and it will for a long time.
I don't have the will to be here anymore. I just don't. I feel alone in this.

I hurt.",-1.716363636363635,0.2066646363636373,0.8102626262626274,101.00872727272728,99.6060606060606,4.2561616161616165,13.67070707070707,6.079149491110277,-1.0122880808080803,345,7,89,4,15,116,69,99,0.147,0.649,0.203,0.799,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,1,3,4,9,1,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,0,9,22,5,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,7,1,22,4,7,12,2,12,0,4,0,2,15,3,1,0,8,60,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942285092087389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859831853008918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680520348620034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914930262802792,0.0,0.1912032564429856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24188763525664064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580053551516844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482274827633792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488818571483913,0.17337202053344555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569998522530984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.401517725758116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612739677978,0.15286511587426072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596155407423832,0.0,0.0,0.4094306962204785,0.0,0.16925661956936205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196373761569836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270777887732053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935249483670648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835700531816448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558012862914498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061232234505657,0.0,0.15042834094413685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,limeesoda,2019/04/14,"i've basically decided i'll do it and coming on here as kind of a last resort type thing as it says up there, i have decided. my plan is pretty ok i think and whatever. i distanced myself from my ""friends""( im pretty sure they dont consider me a friend as much as i do since they havent reached out to me in a few weeks) anyways, i dont know why but i have just had a shit life in my short 16 years of living. i just feel tired of letting everyone and myself down and i dont have anything or anyone to live for. i just accepted it i guess. or maybe not since im here lol",-0.1901877649909096,1.5880121496062998,2.5286614173228337,94.33340399757724,84.98425196850393,6.112416717141127,20.005451241671715,7.321109707123232,0.3718012113870377,441,13,108,7,13,154,76,127,0.098,0.7959999999999999,0.106,-0.2528,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,7,7,1,0,4,2,12,3,1,0,1,21,17,11,0,0,7,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,2,19,6,17,15,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,3,73,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369615316283956,0.0,0.1220398469685031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774897561964724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214262498432668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170884332578415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498590853933149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229155396567508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337128853673602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203830524215808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443363210001113,0.08150285877253005,0.12088586131669878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164876462946825,0.10475003443775636,0.0,0.0,0.2619066310873473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898921537552448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901897767377504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017527435818801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793564203898535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222979340517234,0.2453537674003443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397728078986772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852520830527732,0.09502588446472186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704512450678929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189588576665968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338194191477866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550157651985734
suicidewatch,NeverSeenAgain2019,2019/04/14,"Reddit I think this is it for me I put a belt around my neck from the closet in pitch black while standing on a chair with music on low volume in the background. I just can't let go so I'm just waiting till I get tired and lose my step and that will be that. I feel so many things in my head right now, thinking of every happy moment that I ever had but I just can't with deal with the misery anymore. I know I'm selfish and a coward but I never hurted anyone in my life.",0.968643162393164,2.3878478942307737,2.8724358974358988,95.05034188034188,79.67307692307692,4.622222222222223,17.324786324786324,3.1291,-0.8672380341880341,367,6,85,0,9,123,70,104,0.182,0.795,0.023,-0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,7,4,2,0,2,19,16,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,1,2,14,1,14,12,0,19,0,3,1,0,1,9,0,0,6,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808704331046156,0.16081348371239726,0.0,0.0,0.2047387507571589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371083057328383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20803799433532108,0.19377544386855006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162892239851232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015963108892495,0.0,0.13070790851214814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482730435935496,0.0,0.0,0.23603481249620656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24620771699534466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263958040096997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351790823180267,0.16244785793043104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572985859382303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331724975392279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738150479174553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23120222024287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964091385590737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279430815702774,0.2947350129686379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26433823904189285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Itsme1482,2019/04/14,"MY FRIEND IS ABOUT TO KILL HERSELF My friend is the reason her dad went to jail a week ago, and now her family hates her. She’s relying on me to stop her from killing herself and idk how. She asked me out and I said no and I think that might be another reason.",-1.329246031746031,0.6535599642857157,0.7438095238095244,100.8123015873016,101.14285714285714,4.631746031746032,15.150793650793652,6.42735559955562,-0.5012515873015873,202,5,49,3,9,66,40,56,0.266,0.632,0.102,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,11,9,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,14,2,7,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,4,35,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447011798607397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300425886586553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509383354149724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681511376187486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33899009023773635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659565580644735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485430382409829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327310834916603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511252789915025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086838202762416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341431812578785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057200324377714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759761039845199,0.0,0.0,0.2033705790912724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pandax2k,2019/04/15,"Noone i can turn to It's abit of a rant.
I have been depressed for the past 2 years of my life, i'm studying for my diploma, but i hate my school. Everyday i go to school, i feel immense judgement being cast upon me by everyone, i do well in school with a gpa of 3.92 but i've still got 2 years to go and i just don't see how i can survive school anymore. I want to vent and seek help but i don't get to see my psychiatrist or therapist everyday, even though i feel so alone and desperate for help. Even the few of my friends aren't comfortable with talking to me about my depression and anxiety. They are talking to me about it over text but normally it just turns into some jokes. I don't want to burden them with my depression problems as well, that applies to my parents as well. So i'm just stuck suffering alone.

I've always been a studious person with anxiety and depression. I take anti depressions and a lil bit of medication for when my anxiety affects me too much. I want to quit school because i hate the environment i've been stuck in for so long i can't see me going through another year much less 2 years. If i quit school i'll be labelled a failure (if only my classmates who thought i had a bright future could see me now), universities won't allow me to enroll, my future may be doomed shld i try to leave school. My country has national service so if i quit school i won't be safe for long especially since i'm very unfit. I also don't really have anything that i'm particularly passionate about so if i leave school i'll have nothing to do. I looked into certain career paths but i'm afraid i'll find them boring after awhile.
I often have suicidal thoughts as well but don't follow through with anything as i'm scared i will fail.

I just want to disappear why can't god grant me this 1 wish.

I hope that you guys can help provide some of your thoughts about my situation, as i really have noone else i can turn to...
Thanks for the support",3.9207356076759083,4.824084211442789,5.126201137171287,83.88190298507466,71.31343283582089,8.628429282160626,29.033759772565745,8.942964678507748,2.1731759772565744,1551,59,326,29,28,515,185,402,0.243,0.619,0.13699999999999998,-0.9945,1,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,3,5,27,29,2,2,10,0,34,3,0,3,1,52,72,31,1,13,15,1,2,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,8,13,0,1,6,1,0,5,10,15,4,0,10,8,56,14,52,53,7,29,1,8,6,1,15,7,0,10,17,206,64,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474732740623413,0.0,0.05202160561518127,0.0541280014901548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821209701040512,0.1492924992579054,0.0,0.06451353939719685,0.0,0.0,0.10706356942286543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03965474835912729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710193141335772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193827411770514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801435096346296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434212311881784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593171290362911,0.0,0.0,0.062159429735927585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578391586077081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594558291387101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025857397904147,0.0,0.03398668763335426,0.0,0.11091068150476883,0.0,0.05202757167890207,0.0,0.0,0.06441114374805376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284496403213799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080780828557845,0.0,0.0,0.06461074863879061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377601448175149,0.0,0.0,0.04594774929113397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115136938211554,0.05462681815269296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553247265604513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564057293187538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373659034334064,0.06241860218763084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947454436455482,0.0,0.0,0.07223191545625998,0.0,0.062098951310234574,0.0,0.05680040012220448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062245433776522176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075706116124204,0.0,0.0,0.08334722446589694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512783042804622,0.5925196870367659,0.2073502720705911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381121568434915,0.07312053363638586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051950156574222604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115570689333732,0.07381959264533504,0.0,0.0,0.04891058012357427,0.1045717517580384,0.0,0.05989061743804532,0.0,0.07552972486215573,0.0,0.0,0.0639127003624107,0.15493070894220182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044165651346057086,0.21227182978534914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367424305085911,0.15347607696638424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23395619418899785,0.0,0.0586987980890956,0.0,0.07480593490005642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756395426103268
suicidewatch,mouschimoo,2019/04/15,Help Please help me,-0.5899999999999999,0.32178000000000395,-2.2299999999999978,118.175,124.0,1.6,4.0,3.1291,-3.4762,16,0,4,0,1,4,3,4,0.0,0.115,0.885,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7737084184154105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6335418559756917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,missthrowaways,2019/04/15,"I kind of wish I could kill myself, so that I can start over and become someone else. The self-loathing is too much.. it’s becoming unbearable.",2.0766666666666684,4.548534285714286,2.8000000000000007,91.61166666666668,81.14285714285714,6.590476190476192,23.619047619047624,7.793537801064563,1.2344619047619059,112,4,23,2,3,35,26,28,0.165,0.7390000000000001,0.095,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199943303178571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224106037843074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344782938404821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105390051224683,0.2922927190010385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633752488800616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928181590626599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378255111469336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867197637899134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32277664135712525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlternativeAndroid,2019/04/15,"Not off to a great start Went to the movies alone and ran into my former group of friends from high school. They pretended they didn’t know me

Just as I was starting to get over my crush after not seeing her for 4 months, I saw her walking in the hallways, now I’m back to square one

Attended a church congregation for 10 years only to be asked if it was my first time there by multiple people

We’re barely into 2019 and I’m fully prepared to die, life isn’t full of hope and wonder like how it used to be, and if I’m going to give all my love away just to come up empty handed and disappointed then I don’t want to live anymore. People always say thing get better but what they really mean is that the pain becomes more tolerable, if not sure that’s something I want to go through. What do I do?",3.2683932135728533,4.2194290479041925,4.463847305389223,87.84611027944115,72.89221556886228,7.243313373253492,22.89870259481038,7.492282038375204,0.7453397205588814,629,15,137,7,12,207,114,167,0.107,0.807,0.087,-0.657,0,1,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,2,6,9,0,0,5,0,10,4,1,2,2,27,34,12,1,6,9,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,1,0,7,6,2,0,2,6,5,15,7,27,26,3,27,1,1,3,1,11,9,0,5,12,88,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034532598630436,0.0,0.0,0.1368554350770893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311388300881952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376086555913862,0.0,0.15452861446052646,0.1264702532111424,0.0,0.0,0.1816484667090283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454637716669824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167967498607226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170697909373707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990138929965354,0.0,0.0,0.12707210351202142,0.0,0.1718616167174705,0.1577783225605951,0.18694858057638847,0.0,0.0,0.18133302166961696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377567327498347,0.0,0.16335966361563256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039053726511354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161727580353194,0.0803536246982686,0.0,0.14523343999106642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844408863220396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916026095584178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128147339177754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114517505302276,0.12508978916362615,0.17501179332353506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280509437164952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536617233894044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079622245352404,0.0,0.1664563366849485,0.13106437941707033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662002013897844,0.0,0.0,0.2328309026232181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550146754517669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092691305188041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590603591749297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420526150559219,0.0,0.0,0.19402189909948675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246892473737034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836489539090902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591577941318492
suicidewatch,Graylo107,2019/04/15,"Self Harm (Stabbing) For the most part I am just writing this to see if anyone has done or does the same thing and has advice towards removing the feeling.  

Lately I have moved from very light cutting to taking a knife and puncturing the skin on my chest just enough to reach the muscle and bleed.  Even with the pain it almost feels euphoric? It takes a few days for the small wounds to heal, but I have to say I want to push it further, deeper and cut past the muscle? 

So yeah again I am just writing this to see if anyone has had a similar feeling or done something similar and was able to stop the feeling of euphoria that comes with it?",5.199153543307087,5.6696421732283495,5.188651574803148,86.13762303149609,68.21259842519684,7.9248031496063,28.4734251968504,7.6454224807358475,1.5488275590551184,504,16,102,5,8,157,80,127,0.09,0.775,0.135,0.7938,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,2,0,12,1,11,6,2,0,0,27,21,11,0,3,8,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,4,9,6,0,16,17,5,13,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,6,5,74,14,0,0.17811064577140867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404766167267174,0.0,0.0,0.17835208371058886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490782096043118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342655033769087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486663179646996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586582638102087,0.36453805863908295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840359090586089,0.0,0.11764040173050845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602323765125466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009165663838111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930342912835826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952228483501612,0.0,0.0,0.19287647261471147,0.17002676502846148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416407343552853,0.0,0.0,0.2838622492335353,0.0,0.18580824802805426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711827681367955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890847513167935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26783407895347555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832879878886696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695993601722676,0.10505427356368552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nobodydoom,2019/04/15,"Hi r/SuicideWatch Hi r/SuicideWatch,

Fours years ago I put a gun to my head. I almost pulled the trigger. Almost. Everyday since then I've contemplated suicide, including today. I'm so emotionally closed off that I don't talk to anyone about it. Not even my family who were there. Why not talk to internet strangers about it?

I was born in a devote Mormon family. I grew up believing it, and I didn't really question it till my mid 20's. While growing up I didn't have any friends, and actually I still don't. My mother only wanted me to have friends in the church, but I didn't like any of the Mormon kids. Where I lived didn't have that many Mormons, so if I didn't like the Mormon kids near where I lived, I just had to deal with not having friends. I didn't recognize this as a problem until my 20's.

Anyways, from age 5 to age 17 I had 0 friends, was a Mormon, and had basically decided the church will decide my path in life. I finished High School at 17, and enrolled at BYU-I (church college) studying computer science. Without any friends to play with, I spent a great deal of time on the computer, so I figured I'll spend my career on the computer. Also my father worked with computers, so that had a big influence on it. 

I had actually made plans to serve a 'mission', basically find people to make Mormons, if you don't know what a Mormon missionary is. So I studied for about a year till I was old enough to serve a mission. The whole time I studied I had no friends, and only ever left the dormitory to go to classes. I was so used to being a loner, the thought of not being a loner scared me, actually it still does.

I go and serve a two year mission, I hated the experience, but I figured if I did the mission it would 'secure' (I don't know if that's the right word) my position in the world. Like, I wouldn't have trouble finding a wife if I was a return missionary, and I would get reduced tuition at the church college, and I would be trusted to do some position within the church, and it would be easier to find a job. Yeah, I really thought that.

I had plenty of odd experiences whilst on the mission. A few of them stick out, particularly the ones were people told me they saw god. I had an unexpectedly large number of people tell me they saw god, and by that I mean any number larger than 0. Not just some random drug addicts either, but I mean like several pastors and other people who had their lives together. 

Of all the people who told me they saw god, there was not a single one of them I did not think was full of it.

Anyways, after the mission I go back to the church college, but after a few years the thought just keeps eating away at me. I thought that those people who told me they saw god were liars. At first, the thought was 'if Joseph Smith (guy who started Mormon church) came to me a said he saw god, would I believe it, without knowing what I know now?'. I had only one answer in my head. Absolutely not.

The world I had constructed around myself crumbled. It wasn't just that the Mormon church was wrong, all religions are set up like this. The insane make up a religion, and the manipulative perpetuate it. The best religions are the ones with built in self sustaining mechanisms; blind faith, child indoctrination, exclusion,  and active conversion.

I no longer believed anything, and still don't. Life was now pointless, and still is. Without any evidence of an afterlife, we simply cease to exist. Anything I work towards in life, no matter how grand or how pointless, has no impact for me after I'm dead.

I couldn't attend the church college anymore, as one of the requirements is to believe in the church. Well, to be more specific I returned home during the winter break and decided I would not be attending another semester. I had planned to be dead before another semester began, so I didn't have to explain to my parents why I was not attending college.

I had everything set up: my 9mm Berreta Px4 Storm Inox, hornady critical duty 9mm hollow points, and my suicide note. I just struggled with the fear of actually dying. I have no idea what it is like to not exist, because I have only ever known existence. I couldn't do it, not at least without talking to someone about it. 

My brother in law had struggled with depression earlier so I decided to talk to him about it. I guess I was pretty manic about it, because he called my parents and they barged in the room with me hold the gun.

God, I really wished I pulled the trigger right now. Life over the past 4 years has been miserable. I've been in and out of treatment, on and off meds, nothing really helps. Nothing puts the desire to live life back into me. 

A part of me wants to go back to college and get a degree I almost of finished done, but the other part of me knows I'll give up half way through a class and fail it. My parents were put into an early retirement due do my father being laid off from his job. I don't have a job, and I still have a pile of debt. They moved so I moved with them, and for the life of me I cannot find a job.

Apparently I just really am a pile of crap. My application to Target, flipping Target, got rejected. I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm not really qualified for anything, and there are very few jobs here. I've applied to so many jobs over the past 6 months, with the local retail stores being my last resort, and now I just feel lost. Between medical and student debt about to go into collections, I feel like being a corpse would be preferable.",4.364429663312695,5.397840554227943,5.567422600619196,80.64491486068113,70.38786764705883,8.593962848297215,29.297407120743035,8.916525866297963,2.3213022058823527,4305,163,841,78,76,1436,403,1088,0.149,0.784,0.068,-0.9984,12,1,1,2,0,5,142.0,1,1,10,9,53,37,3,5,75,1,97,14,3,10,4,157,150,59,5,22,37,8,2,7,6,9,10,1,2,5,40,45,1,5,32,1,7,18,41,15,1,9,63,9,120,22,134,65,17,131,21,5,6,0,59,58,1,15,58,596,160,28,0.0,0.0,0.17244061593178972,0.04815919896219783,0.0,0.0,0.03916004025794439,0.0,0.13270995854191692,0.0,0.0,0.035328146220545614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502085890802718,0.0926463883110286,0.0,0.0,0.08762296842156625,0.030889424056222005,0.0,0.10906115038366104,0.03932669044213661,0.0,0.0,0.041505528699758126,0.10190762550961008,0.0,0.0538594967150096,0.0,0.03759117665885125,0.19908836296666352,0.046360793591022985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510942042303703,0.0505264549274348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108861811777733,0.03804938641963344,0.0,0.04584851162506806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03865938826688502,0.045208172548786583,0.0,0.0,0.05123102686130294,0.045203863444662894,0.0,0.04969291911115091,0.0,0.045646411587063784,0.0,0.058356678586549186,0.07992083348337096,0.0,0.0,0.039703231456033966,0.0864267139077671,0.08329185239087816,0.04971114701456777,0.04467420355459329,0.03155989261114208,0.0,0.0,0.1615070661996758,0.03757673715631543,0.0,0.0,0.20478517293393994,0.0,0.04616107696271323,0.042378382269850086,0.12553337942589327,0.0,0.03533219780582441,0.048705043796563055,0.048665691602830616,0.04374194678642844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361541345742246,0.09067622001480348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029610757064326542,0.04667518193711012,0.04431290127546959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987019500295594,0.0,0.0,0.2630317599597063,0.03926634210032177,0.0,0.0,0.1456703815694438,0.03600996294191652,0.0,0.0,0.04799818879411223,0.0,0.1872201505047486,0.15107776520101165,0.0,0.15603558558414762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048224161915102495,0.0,0.0,0.04180112699143609,0.05897667271128654,0.08957661992596136,0.0,0.09624290464156553,0.049070431435810274,0.044503447150640266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035261475556689535,0.09390582832488133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477760264758823,0.0,0.046356087748658535,0.0,0.1496766099411413,0.1343936940689733,0.0,0.0,0.1471592220685411,0.09567827169673017,0.08434344946055605,0.1837596555656001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041761325912676166,0.0,0.0,0.04494365592324291,0.0,0.04227120174423325,0.0,0.13322956369618974,0.04948809162517278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980461665038812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545343872182758,0.04202222371143135,0.0,0.04422865248352638,0.044709248728160726,0.0,0.0,0.04608600467780854,0.049907174569406985,0.0,0.03654347983921565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037430833027245335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031268544485290546,0.0,0.17639812400357613,0.0,0.0,0.09236630155842396,0.0,0.0966444302449794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203045419145915,0.038612443288889416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028306689804962232,0.0,0.17535710002402075,0.05151965854544526,0.0,0.04187441157205536,0.1266383878425931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315428419190672,0.0,0.0,0.03815454446196018,0.0,0.036450461002774034,0.0521132058911485,0.03506546298464512,0.0,0.0,0.039720220761021975,0.0,0.07972532555806726,0.04932178496170271,0.05080110417704187,0.17033931551453335,0.0,0.06432242797117556,0.0,0.0,0.21967336450306246,0.0483003619323522,0.0,0.14224195426647526
suicidewatch,PM_ME_ANIME__THIGHS,2019/04/15,"im killing myself tomorrow at 7pm pst special fuck you to my parents and teachers

see you in hell",1.5385714285714265,3.50079928571429,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,79.95238095238095,6.104761904761905,34.3095238095238,7.1686216300943375,2.3986952380952373,79,5,16,1,2,27,20,21,0.414,0.4970000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.8957,1,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,2,2,0,1,8,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088313815342079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776806329014797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48925823046096006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4910403242618117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523973585297395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Trunyan17,2019/04/15,"What's the point for me I give nothing to this world. No one truly cares for me. Why should they? I'm a blotch on the fabric of history, and a minuscule one at that. I'm a useless fuck who lacks emotion. I can't even provide for the girl I'm seeing. I wish it were easier to end it all.",-1.239374999999999,0.7127738125000036,1.7268749999999995,96.930625,92.125,5.075,17.375,6.6274283507984215,-0.17349375,220,6,54,3,8,77,47,64,0.129,0.698,0.173,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,6,1,8,9,2,5,0,1,1,1,4,4,1,0,1,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977790126631021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32853301982211025,0.2586822750917437,0.0,0.0,0.19290571157576789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700087334195109,0.0,0.2801746838648773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802435669837833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958206484164045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760951612276715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327374285210902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635425975208531,0.0,0.33585952413562364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway679029,2019/04/15,Almost killed myself Over dosing felt like the easiest way out. I want to kill my self but I made a promise to my boyfriend that I wouldn’t leave him. I’m the only one he has left.,0.4734615384615388,2.4225260256410297,2.1304487179487204,97.15413461538462,83.61538461538461,4.925641025641027,17.442307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.5178769230769231,141,3,33,1,4,46,33,39,0.16699999999999998,0.642,0.191,-0.0009,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,6,1,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,7,2,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27395658794640376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626852035522565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6053641474833683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28968778406427265,0.2972516947661243,0.0,0.0,0.13366016770850686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588734315504536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538877024172215,0.2080742749442179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854095818956933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136795116673294,0.2171596170983674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Justanerd123,2019/04/15,"Posted this on another sub reddit and was told to post here. Do i need help? Hello. I am a 21 year old female and I feel horrible. I actually want to die right now,but i also don't. I want to live my life but i also want to stop feeling this way. I have recurring major depressive disorder also known is clinical depression and I first started having issues off and on when I became a teen. I remember wanting to die and plotting my suicide at ages of around 15 or so. I wpuld cut myself as punishment. I eventually got put on meds and felt better for a while. Would change the meds up every now and then. Then, when i was 19, my brother died. When he died it really effected me. I wasnt really close to him for some dark reasons. I was so messed up that i started cutting again and thinking about suicide again. I just remember when we got the call that he had died. I remember waking up and hearing my mom screaming ""oh my God, oh my God"" abd i knew what had happened. He didnt die all of a sudden. He was in a car wreck that year about a week before my birthday and was paralyzed from the neck down for a few months before finally dying of sepsis. I can remember being at an anime convention and just staring down at the lobby of the hotel from the third floor thinking about jumping and crying for a while. I ended up doing outpatient therapy at bridgeway, a psychiatric hospital near me for about 2 weeks. I remember i never told them about me cutting or about the hotel thing. I just told them about wanting to die. I remember my parents getting the bill and telling me things like ""that little adventure of yours was $2000 and we have to pay a huge deductible on that!"" In my 2 weeks there i was diagnosed with the recurring depression and ptsd. The ptsd was from being molested and raped when i was 8 by my brother which was brought out by him dying. I convinced myself for years that i had dreamed the events that happened as a kid. I eventually got better and stopped cutting again. Now 3 years later i am having issues again. I have noticed that most of the time I am fine but when I am on my period my mental state goes downhill. I feel super depressed and lonely and empty when this happens. Like my meds aren't working at all. Last week I got into a fight with my friend because I thought she was ignoring me because she secretly hates me and thinks im annoying. She told me in a text that i was negative and hateful to everyone and everything and that it was annoying and draining. She was that i need to stop using my mental state and autism as an excuse for what i do. If your wondering about the autism i was diagnosed with aspergers when i was about 7 or so. When she said that to me it really effected me. I when that night and cut myself as a punishment.  They are just superficial though. I do wish I had the guts to make myself bleed. I deserve it for being such a bitch. I have been crying every night since she texted that to me. My birthday is on the 18th and i don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to stay home and sleep. My friend invited me to her birthday party as her birthday is on the 20th but i don't think i could go to that either. I don't have the energy to fake it. I do that enough at work. Of all the times I have thought about killing myself in different ways, I'm always to much of a coward to do it. I get over my depression, but it always seems to come back to haunt me. What do i do? I am scared i may end up in the hospital or something. I don't want to lose my job ar walmart. I love working there and have only been there 6 months. I dont want to lose this job over mental illness. I dont want to tell my doctor because i feel like he would try to have me commited or something.",2.7007863504578324,4.334289078843629,4.3012414742506735,85.7394904365601,75.42575558475691,7.617554178920803,25.74559372588282,8.368874486241431,1.6866277913355443,2923,104,600,53,63,979,302,761,0.232,0.6709999999999999,0.097,-0.9992,4,2,2,0,1,6,67.0,2,2,3,11,45,41,16,1,37,0,68,13,4,5,5,110,121,65,12,17,16,4,5,3,2,3,7,3,1,1,33,39,0,4,25,3,2,6,12,29,0,2,38,9,119,12,97,76,10,104,1,8,1,2,44,37,1,11,57,444,152,7,0.0,0.0,0.04699829034636233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554325281199755,0.080147793548815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050111696545899,0.0,0.0,0.047762874061130334,0.0,0.0,0.03963248513924813,0.0428735934576377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0370329162985866,0.0,0.08807568625905096,0.0,0.08196310483014885,0.0,0.0,0.08518916573412008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04917787209103058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094806227651682,0.04148652676618431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038452722774410426,0.0,0.10580542291732364,0.0,0.0,0.20740544224896845,0.09776501389696378,0.4498526022292289,0.05031810328834045,0.055196797860316615,0.049294930877918836,0.0,0.0,0.11288891080228156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531288664174164,0.04976329488145585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115561486791982,0.0460199989324689,0.043284094981372964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740680538890144,0.03440630244153585,0.046242212672143575,0.052758135521208914,0.0,0.040965810603228785,0.0,0.0,0.0744182992247132,0.0,0.05032437830429773,0.0,0.02737106537245,0.0,0.15407533841888724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776611608706195,0.0,0.0,0.09509823908582717,0.0,0.0,0.05428106464114784,0.0,0.03228137293212403,0.0,0.04830951429813984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202225698972867,0.10053536020995857,0.09558492901533797,0.0,0.05328312610201516,0.0,0.0,0.03925772787486181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03401761216778285,0.07058724835723308,0.04827007875360155,0.04252713733375452,0.0,0.0,0.10775991286402847,0.0,0.0,0.04346727684777062,0.0,0.03214791101005853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604883887647715,0.0,0.14560519616995252,0.0,0.0,0.05640570312596326,0.07688346772827505,0.0,0.035403953052047236,0.07142169698868611,0.03714481257319774,0.0,0.0,0.0903918674802894,0.0,0.0,0.054831736306308436,0.050536977255861565,0.0,0.0,0.03662868994316428,0.0,0.0,0.05347720669750548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225004967058854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259550700311625,0.04841521187629802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925597096990706,0.049517636306532685,0.0,0.0,0.3273428554653849,0.04112931981271317,0.04581223884681225,0.0,0.04821766704594392,0.0,0.0,0.04384406043108742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039839363051898606,0.0,0.048195885542674115,0.0,0.0,0.07415354185626019,0.0,0.0,0.06817735482963624,0.05133332900557852,0.0,0.12079451879088145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536086219522613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418985566098887,0.0,0.05507641989935308,0.0,0.06399219518864208,0.12343876356593543,0.047318040318978696,0.07646907412564577,0.05616625428482725,0.0,0.0,0.1840799957298756,0.0,0.03269822835299553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04159573077298007,0.0,0.0,0.28406667050189266,0.0764560855493051,0.15452773092611682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538289297163807,0.0,0.05222866305636315,0.10518557229352772,0.0,0.0,0.06842453318446286,0.0,0.0,0.12405668824461452
suicidewatch,SammyAmico,2019/04/15,"Feel empty always I feel like I just don’t have any emotion anymore. I’ll laugh at something or enjoy something and then it dissapears within hours or even minutes sometimes. I used to have a good amount of friends (I’m a junior in HS) and now I really only have 4-6 I can trust. I have really bad acne and I have to take accutane (the only pill that guarantees it to go away) which makes my skin super dry and even uglier than before, which crushed the little self confidence I have. 
I really like this girl and I have for almost three years yet I’m still too much of a pussy to talk to her because she’s way out of my league. 

I probably won’t ever do something as drastic as kill my self because I’m too scared to do it but I feel like I haven’t been truly happy In so long. Even when I’m around my friends I don’t feel happy, except with my best friend. It feels good to type this out even if no one will probably read it",1.1741192266380267,3.110489397959185,3.0627497314715377,91.47773899033301,81.04081632653063,5.963050483351235,20.00966702470462,7.0608816371341465,0.3429122448979593,726,19,159,9,19,243,113,196,0.07200000000000001,0.675,0.252,0.9908,0,0,3,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,14,18,1,1,5,0,16,2,1,2,1,24,29,14,1,1,6,0,6,3,3,2,1,0,0,3,10,9,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,1,6,21,15,24,26,3,20,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,4,12,104,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164810282023203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679034238735892,0.0,0.0,0.07910386421542087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536150227181048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035524399711323,0.0,0.0,0.10928961274978576,0.0,0.09712513512714996,0.14181926416265747,0.0,0.09898259987418448,0.0,0.12207417510538013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084810761838964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073218919929019,0.10522112614467943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940828944563629,0.16620284332947885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26961338583043554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610923823605096,0.19513300749559984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476567298003773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455506431122417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869454767314978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048913349104025,0.11658655198736785,0.0,0.10294250077712072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764673675780602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551104368672413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882370975924176,0.17693829281226414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508324826494005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635482480521922,0.0,0.22355914233848675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164599621736084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427012382305523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26865418451468626,0.11504676362940484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928959744211227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746067961489719,0.0934962993095858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046602270883524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923320576929826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490842104920066
suicidewatch,_ofthewoods_,2019/04/15,"So minors can't buy acetaminophen, any relatively quick acting alternatives? That I could legally get or that I could make.",6.4728571428571415,9.660643190476193,5.92404761904762,71.29178571428572,69.47619047619048,8.009523809523811,29.54761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.8582190476190483,101,4,15,2,2,31,18,21,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35206756010064005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8267150709070289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704874907185785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455823230790825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,angerypeech,2019/04/15,Empty I can never act on my thoughts. A life without them isn’t a life worth living. I can feel myself coming closer to the brink. I’m scared I won’t be able to control myself any more. I want to end it now and die a good person. There’s nothing here for me anymore. I’m only going to hurt people if I stay.,-0.08785714285714262,1.7329250882352945,2.601512605042018,93.71323529411768,84.88235294117645,3.8857142857142857,17.067226890756302,3.1291,-0.8457714285714286,238,5,53,0,7,83,52,68,0.181,0.723,0.096,-0.7655,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,9,12,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,1,1,10,1,7,9,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,34,11,0,0.23005925400904126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564481817941212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815696121131784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817567649028128,0.0,0.0,0.25803101570657144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387651839894224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037642138476953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632487133411434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074797577092725,0.1929627871754077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462831896153457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249953095340515,0.0,0.0,0.20314653617090545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743587939490474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207480589540675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497042954090075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594941195683371,0.20087886680159786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303294474244064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452125544158769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264134981513566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569490864427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22176891118109146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pineapple_with_pizza,2019/04/15,"I just want to escape this trauma... Hey guys I'm new here at this subreddit. And I've been reading the posts and I feel like I belong here and I just wanna share this with y'all. Last night was my 4th time attempting suicide, and it failed. My brother saw hanging and struggling and I was on the verge of passing out. The trauma of my childhood keeps haunting me. I had a severe trauma when I was a kid, I was about 8 years old (M) when my babysitter abused me sexually. It happened until I was 10 years old and my babysitter had to move out. I never got the courage to tell my parents what happened because I don't want them to get hurt. But I can't live like this, I feel so dirty and I keep on blaming myself because I let her do that to me. So I started contemplating suicide at the age of 13 until now and It always fails. I feel like I have to live like this. That my purpose in this world is to suffer. I really just wanna die. But I can't.",0.6806580521655903,2.7644108442211066,2.5740559942570016,93.48601340033504,83.77386934673369,4.795501316104331,21.536491983728165,5.916634753146586,0.11424316822206305,734,24,161,5,21,244,106,199,0.243,0.68,0.077,-0.9903,1,0,0,0,1,3,22.0,0,1,1,3,11,14,0,1,7,0,15,0,0,0,1,27,29,17,3,4,5,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,12,0,2,3,1,0,3,4,8,0,0,10,4,34,6,23,18,0,30,0,4,1,0,10,9,0,0,21,113,46,3,0.0,0.16707572442467336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733297325597322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719187629545169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634781018462184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389915278238014,0.2014774748228532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367275719331323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127798830238391,0.0,0.0,0.1396236845757489,0.2493922393131925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095586753170254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506752335751001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494329989323927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419394659875218,0.0,0.2755646406715725,0.0,0.24903170737422226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987304769349769,0.0,0.0,0.10875686297202093,0.13618991198590502,0.0,0.13232986336876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959359721955765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657672870110678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505016334939893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104979081939126,0.0,0.09033566167222552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930300574339568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998087582537945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474159737012805,0.0,0.30848767455212184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325038089387433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222501606205808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634462698021324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161373432151304
suicidewatch,7gonow,2019/04/15,"I can’t stop crying. I just want the voice to stop. It never goes away, it’s always in the background. I can’t let anyone know how I feel. They will feel as if they have caused it. I’m just tied. Just one more thing I have to see. Then the pain goes away.",-2.232807017543859,-0.4603553333333323,-0.2849122807017537,108.38561403508771,102.33333333333334,2.533333333333333,8.087719298245613,3.1291,-2.571680701754386,194,1,52,0,9,62,37,57,0.196,0.78,0.024,-0.8591,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,2,1,13,12,4,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,7,0,6,10,1,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965920518889167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618326603392828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734681741866514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588425740009261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767771873845752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548071817521429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847610939913033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25765637227133703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433477919123898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074137698598393,0.0,0.2681138200044903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078744846106936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42131636533775857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673976560985624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486184203481723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,eerielovely,2019/04/15,"make the hurt stop i don't really know how this is supposed to work but here i am, ranting about my problems as an anon on a site i didnt even know existed until a year ago. anyways. i'm hurting. im not hurt physically but it's starting to feel like it. is that even possible? to hurt so much emotionally that it's starting to hurt on the outside too? my chest is hurting, my legs and fingers feel numb, its so hard to type right now. i dont know what to do. im tired of hurting. i just want to not be alive anymore. i have no one. no friends, they all leave me, my family grows annoyed of me, and i just flat out hate myself as it is. leaving is my best choice. i'm 17, ive been pulled out if school for my attempt to end my life last november, i'm too anxious to even think about going back to school, not to mention getting a job. i have no reason to stay alive. i feel like soon enough this might just be the end for me. i dont want to live to see 18...",0.06499430394167405,1.8479897942583747,2.2368831168831167,96.75151515151518,84.07177033492823,5.320665299612668,21.4356345408977,6.42735559955562,0.11023426748689903,733,24,180,7,21,247,116,209,0.273,0.647,0.08,-0.9927,1,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,1,3,18,15,2,0,7,0,18,6,3,3,1,29,37,11,0,4,9,0,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,8,0,0,3,10,11,0,1,2,6,23,4,27,32,4,22,0,7,1,0,3,6,0,2,14,116,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114710180832596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341722197101112,0.0907857843405829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039070446814681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606844152011117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457478244341416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297324363570873,0.16215936499585215,0.094588105217506,0.0,0.18138931831783975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629833347011784,0.0,0.1388602560226564,0.13079628120436534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707256817895926,0.0,0.047827295212181806,0.0,0.05202583987921006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200430023852448,0.09037948819584476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6859886586100961,0.0,0.1977637023239099,0.0,0.09084202869251534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092846184287664,0.07461953843035027,0.0,0.19386105482648186,0.0,0.0,0.06465933348343478,0.08944630228006664,0.0,0.08083390278531367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110547937764438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711236421120573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729443547458118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203171919750448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320066721347117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759402413545019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058644613335815936,0.09412116710201812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781769864563187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529224865042415,0.07294769927000706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958882299572147,0.09757236406293326,0.0,0.0765338166099318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586568814620659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521489521858356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798854128219076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664419363150173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895051316723447
suicidewatch,My_posts_r_shit,2019/04/15,"Didn’t think I would ever post here. Let me present to you my average weekday.

6:00am - Fuck. Have to wake up for work. Shower, get dressed, pack lunch, tell my kitty goodbye.

7:15am - Leave the house, head to first job. Endure hard physical and mental labor until 4:00pm.

4:00pm - Get to my shitty apartment and greet cat. Get undressed, masturbate, watch YouTube or play Xbox.

11:00pm - Masturbate and go to sleep.

Now let me give you my average weekend day.

9:30am - Wake up. Masturbate. Eat something. YouTube/Xbox.

12:00pm - Go to shitty laundromat for 3 hours.

3:00pm - YouTube/Xbox/Reddit/Masturbate.

12:00am - Masturbate. Go to sleep.

This has been my life for the last year. I don’t want to do anything. I am mediocre at everything I dedicate myself to. Nothing brings me joy. Friends don’t really like me, family doesn’t reach out to me. I’m sure some people would be very sad but I don’t bring anything to the table. I go to work to support myself so I can go to work.

All relationships have failed. All hobbies and aspirations have failed. Business ideas and startups have failed. Self improvement books have failed me. I’ve failed myself. Countless kicks to the face from life that are unavoidable. The odds are not in my favor here. I’m a dull, hollow person. I don’t know who I am anymore and I couldn’t describe myself to you. My personality has diminished completely.

I’m ready to give up but too much of a pussy to do anything. I am a simply a suffering entity in this anomaly we call humanity",1.5736839644693816,4.252417695340505,2.38188639551192,88.78848176718094,96.06093189964157,5.723577995948262,23.269518466573164,7.1686216300943375,1.4223301542777005,1183,48,217,23,46,369,159,279,0.159,0.765,0.077,-0.9795,2,1,1,0,0,0,66.0,1,3,0,10,6,16,1,0,9,0,28,11,6,0,4,24,48,11,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,1,4,4,8,2,0,3,4,0,7,8,9,0,1,2,2,32,7,31,40,4,27,0,8,1,1,15,8,1,2,12,125,36,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831302515592268,0.0,0.0,0.2945199155270825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181810521649235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508323260455714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693829371920201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207314883792418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791320760679793,0.0,0.0,0.10721867808516322,0.0,0.11246493019722804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014760747904179,0.0,0.0,0.09217048053856276,0.11029044477069902,0.1869871595871352,0.2288858593987569,0.3390032121821653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068688992168274,0.0,0.12243568202392632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748595448816446,0.13765557981533896,0.0,0.1346745891449001,0.0,0.0,0.11838632340931547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556387299495839,0.09724499701752187,0.0,0.12632092140325493,0.0,0.2439835974774397,0.16852949841335685,0.058283698756541685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202258139884988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769884288589733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447106638120025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270723663448906,0.20833540467063105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425592221839975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642630025456693,0.0,0.0,0.12808299247036195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445537349404642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387712687190594,0.0,0.0,0.09184256638128334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353796335351425,0.1124383458842092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427300185017747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764422882106128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843456315740952,0.07036592289240112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605543218541769,0.0,0.0,0.16949385218264726,0.0,0.0,0.07682495225402577
suicidewatch,themuph,2019/04/15,"I have nothing in my life that brings me joy. The last time I remember feeling true happiness was when I was 13. I am 20 years old now. I want to die. I am alone. The woman I loved has been gone for a long time now. I have no one I can truly consider a friend. No family. 

I can't tell anyone how I feel. When I had started opening up about how I felt to the woman I loved, she slowly drifted away. I always knew that showing any weakness causes women to drift away, but I thought she would be different. I really hoped.

But that hope is gone. I will end myself sooner or later. I just haven't gotten the courage yet, but I hope that comes soon. As I interact with more women, get close and intimate with them I realise they truly don't want an emotionally broken man, for me to continue their sexual attraction to me I have to continue the facade of being a strong, impenetrable man. I can't handle this truth. It pains me. 

I am truly alone and lonely. All hours of the day are spent by myself. I just think to myself.",0.9353929765886272,3.2031149807692323,3.197533444816056,88.2452926421405,84.28846153846153,6.309698996655519,19.13963210702341,7.586124646067393,0.6706753344481604,788,21,164,14,23,269,127,208,0.117,0.657,0.226,0.9733,1,4,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,3,1,11,16,0,0,10,0,22,5,0,3,3,32,43,11,1,6,6,0,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,6,6,7,0,0,7,1,1,6,6,3,0,1,11,3,39,13,20,28,2,31,0,1,0,2,16,6,0,4,19,118,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019193396653326,0.0,0.0,0.12128099890280712,0.0,0.0,0.0991193484027931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191626203725566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738858666487389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497319705334329,0.0,0.12555623016986395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400081816955004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127212848947186,0.15228441257057615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395632875220498,0.12909690526777273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374061594412809,0.0,0.1473976279871272,0.0,0.13994899911843026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261103103386255,0.0,0.0761517017457335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516039531602666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343069715697517,0.14354069100653466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881091769339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295205398222693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898982497485995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631016786492896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985719433609115,0.0,0.15294682016133818,0.0,0.09876830705450963,0.0,0.15509508337826547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933752804529377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651135846942521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316712825354704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739751576353714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339481404117474,0.0,0.11571429835410915,0.16998345488186267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719417991587293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354116272727544,0.0,0.0,0.09386234108688968
suicidewatch,PlayfulAdvantage,2019/04/15,"It's my fault I'm a terrible person, I said all the wrong things to some very powerful people and I've lost the only thing that made me happy in my life, my only way to connect with human beings. I've fucked up so badly and now everyone knows I'm a monster. I'm completely lost idk how to fix it, nobody will ever accept an apology from me. They want me to die from the depression I'm supposedly faking. And if I do live I'll be chained to this boulder forever and everyone will know I'm bad and horrible. I'm completely lost, nobody can or will help and idk how to fix it. I'll just carry this terrible burden because I'm too weak and too much of a coward to end it. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I just feel so lost. 

And it's all my fault.",0.9651124744376284,2.651118312883437,3.850453987730064,86.81146830265854,80.59509202453987,7.291451942740286,21.90961145194274,8.238735603445708,1.2108023721881391,587,18,129,12,15,210,90,163,0.32299999999999995,0.6,0.077,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,5,10,18,1,0,7,0,9,3,0,3,3,26,29,14,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,11,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,16,0,0,6,2,12,2,13,18,4,6,0,5,0,1,6,2,1,3,3,76,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767723031888074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318263776965495,0.08462651366038751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911110252084646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956988520143835,0.0,0.14407857228513524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295786397098635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255752823372598,0.0,0.2653067310895498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019415939559151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834160014635718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778193746302826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930515615642696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288839905250161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805629827317316,0.0,0.0,0.1225851374439554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6061761354605236,0.0,0.0,0.1313596992217913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020524475203701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211165541467609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624386877233614,0.12121675299323476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205449385360715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844585018967125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454527517406375,0.08188266135440585,0.1101929302451468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178349179526435,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayjdksiddk,2019/04/15,"I’m just tired of fighting I was sexually abused as a child and honestly I just wish my life ended before that. The next 10 or so years can be characterized as pain, with just enough hope to string me along to hit me in the face with more pain. 

I mean honestly what’s the point of even living on like this. I have no motivation and therefore no aspirations during a time in my life I should be preparing to sign up for college. Since I have no motivation I’m a severe slacker only doing my work in school. With that no motivation I don’t do anything I enjoy, even when I attempt things I enjoyed I don’t enjoy them. I just go through the motions. Nobody will ever love me, it wouldn’t be a relationship it’d be a babysitter for my needs. Nobody wants that, and nobody deserves me to put that upon them

I know happiness for me can never be achieved. I could only be happy if what happened to me never happened to me. But it did so what’s the point in sticking around? For 60-70 more years or anxiety attacks, PTSD attacks, depression, never amounting to much? I’d rather pass. I’m not scared about this. I think I’ve always known it would end this way. Since 8th grade I’ve been fighting this losing fight, if I can’t handle 3 years how can i candle 60? I know my friends would miss me and that’s the one thing making it hard to leave. But I just can’t do this anymore. Besides we’re all leaving for college soon so they’d leave me one way or another. I just choose to leave first",2.481482793522268,4.221028190789478,3.8752631578947394,88.10414979757088,76.30263157894737,6.519028340080973,24.19230769230769,7.321109707123232,0.9569604251012148,1166,38,245,14,26,384,155,304,0.165,0.687,0.14800000000000002,0.3376,0,0,0,0,7,0,28.0,0,0,3,8,18,22,5,1,11,0,29,7,1,6,5,51,47,18,0,12,15,0,1,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,20,9,0,0,9,0,0,4,13,11,0,3,3,1,37,11,32,29,6,30,0,3,0,1,10,10,0,6,15,170,57,9,0.0,0.11792933615089915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281873199913363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436815004949282,0.07614183136966685,0.0,0.09870915944723743,0.0,0.0,0.08190648849760047,0.08860472607384473,0.0,0.22646440602572604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469453882857833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946833221681282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572690513965157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631190534400762,0.10284332979599747,0.0,0.13148010835919374,0.09003253870048658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466200600793045,0.0,0.0,0.07689830133089147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056566421288467734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603192399534295,0.21190767412553385,0.08916126689214735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885789477656336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940054630348196,0.0,0.0,0.4215607522800848,0.0,0.0,0.14060501883476886,0.048626386707230865,0.0,0.08788872241103983,0.0,0.0,0.11135102974856527,0.0,0.0,0.0898316620480661,0.0,0.06643849090249596,0.0,0.0,0.10841970308770496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316759126354666,0.07380183683068814,0.2302960175030193,0.0,0.10585358327566352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489113753937335,0.15139738832783553,0.21181847545601887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818012913736515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634777086056824,0.10005731360832157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686029293540866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964905751945127,0.10073186154209336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244301216620782,0.0,0.16466806560815972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224949131348246,0.06377619036914071,0.0,0.0,0.058038003980448616,0.11439757825293093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587066478376691,0.15800799444227126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445707404436987,0.0,0.0,0.07246059923573088,0.0,0.0,0.14140958409587162,0.0,0.0,0.19228634678832107
suicidewatch,suicidal30something,2019/04/15,"I want to die in a way that confirms I'm dead but also eliminates the need for funeral and doesn't inconvenience anyone else. I just don't wanna be here anymore. I'm tired, l feel like a failure and my antidepressants don't seem to be working. I've also got a bad case of imposter syndrome and my interpersonal relationships are all falling apart. Oh and I'm newly diabetic. I feel like I deserve to be miserable as punishment for not being a good enough son and person. 

Apologies for any misspellings. It's difficult to see my phone clearly.",4.7350714285714295,6.416306923809527,6.273511904761907,73.46169642857143,70.23809523809524,9.05952380952381,33.125,9.516144504307137,3.3583571428571433,437,21,77,10,8,149,74,105,0.308,0.58,0.112,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,5,0,8,2,0,0,2,16,18,9,3,3,3,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,3,7,3,11,13,2,4,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,2,46,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34734943816775177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768640476997352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153791813885305,0.15185376589352842,0.2225213880517157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133200143881648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22539329766096444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142179303146835,0.0,0.0,0.22439976499417474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196203475892444,0.3102996375377173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215603380953047,0.1736946368551268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220140909990529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610324643688208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962877862802469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331646074614712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730603074817247,0.1977079066119623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24961064297297275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280954049669581,0.17238335675429714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810594106675754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,decoyrhyme,2019/04/15,"Just told someone not to do something or I'd finally kill myself. They did it anyways. Bye Wasn't really too hard to abide, wonder why people are like this.",1.285,3.9008864516129047,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,87.70967741935482,5.680645161290323,20.65322580645161,7.1686216300943375,0.9166064516129032,124,4,23,2,4,41,30,31,0.135,0.7490000000000001,0.115,-0.4015,0,0,1,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741964249190961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059985889110451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779200136417288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668841890083768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368163037923436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883204753649185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894290859905163,0.2629735678068679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264049971665088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30823289572225043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704410476397239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chaosfurian,2019/04/15,"Help me end it. Need that final push to finally end it. Have some fentanyl ready to go but just need a little nudge. Be mean to me guys, the meaner the better. Roast me.",-1.1536190476190455,0.7985416857142873,0.8449999999999989,99.39416666666668,103.57142857142858,3.4761904761904763,11.547619047619047,5.46131890053228,-1.315095238095238,129,2,29,1,6,42,27,35,0.0,0.8059999999999999,0.194,0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229405111522244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.459476556805735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5682875684320071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741457438019315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568321070289119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386041743143862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599720916206209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825465005748797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846616461519146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bleacheee,2019/04/15,"10 reasons to kill myself 1. I don’t have any friends.
2. I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder.
3. I am extremely ugly and no one will ever love me because of that.
4. I’m in love with someone I can’t be with.
5. I had an eating disorder some years ago and have a fucked up relationship with food.
6. I have really bad insomnia.
7. I get bored very easily, the only things that I enjoy doing are listening to music and wanking.
8. I’m extremely socially akward and never know what to say in social situations.
9. I hate working for school.
10. I live in a city and a country that i hate.",-0.7600393545848121,1.2715846528925638,2.9430932703659987,84.22468319559229,103.29752066115702,6.602282565918928,20.637937819756,7.62386473244151,1.6645061786698157,457,18,90,13,21,167,86,121,0.275,0.603,0.122,-0.9677,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,1,12,4,1,5,0,11,6,0,1,2,13,21,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,5,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,2,13,4,13,18,1,8,0,1,0,3,8,4,1,1,4,57,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733100376425518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302532917452453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877451471866625,0.10131723130251588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809714331051641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700695538476472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034224353730313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009761542843094,0.0,0.12840983174710066,0.15365415666237114,0.08683542916399158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281867230956911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838815809820916,0.0,0.09134210704747794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676235836090634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30001361303206425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818780279831885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262503836770472,0.1264066489484212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647539536952234,0.17088676878883585,0.0,0.17844233225954714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217315566688845,0.0,0.1682086752025071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868217634949617,0.0,0.3388508224505523,0.14082524341934302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041944122491223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713681017268795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099946546434875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070307883313149
suicidewatch,Sometimes_Steve,2019/04/15,"If I had a gun I’d do it I know nobody gives a fuck but let me give a short synopsis of my life. Born, raised by narcissist mother and highly intelligent but passive father. I became an artist, depressed but prolific. Admitted to psych ward at age 15 for threatening to kill my mom. I was always bad with girls. I had wet dreams but I didn’t masturbate for the first time till I was 18. Matured late, always focused on art, most popular and funny guy in high school and college before I dropped out due to bipolar at age 19. Did heroin, went to rehab. Got a girlfriend at 23, life was looking up, relapsed on heroin. Chronic loneliness for 5 years. Start drinking at 28 and do it almost every day till now, 29 and a half years old. 

All I want is to hug/kiss a girl. All I want is love. My parents want me to get a job at Wendy’s since I’m such a failure. I’ve got $2 cash left and a $80 credit card bill in 2 days. Honestly I want to kill myself, because all I ever wanted was love. But life is for the rich. These are just words on a screen, meaningless to you. I’m in tears, shambles, I hate it.",0.4741304347826088,2.5852485869565243,2.67104347826087,92.2987391304348,84.86956521739131,5.59304347826087,20.93913043478261,6.918507183188421,0.4668052173913039,845,27,186,11,25,286,146,230,0.211,0.596,0.193,-0.8801,2,0,1,1,0,1,34.0,0,1,0,1,4,12,4,0,13,0,15,10,0,0,4,29,36,14,2,6,7,4,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,3,4,8,1,0,2,4,4,1,1,6,0,2,11,3,20,6,30,24,4,36,0,1,2,3,14,17,1,3,17,104,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865920625900262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381968921951244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727964017928,0.0783232868090353,0.0,0.10933130424591622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572444083759835,0.0,0.11066397523994136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586642279534854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622207307389802,0.10825418630463113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092893079642028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878234755284416,0.06712812950138419,0.24650911289331856,0.0,0.0,0.20552244496320746,0.0,0.0,0.1272203883325271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268523750081146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715029946208459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750157497274545,0.0,0.28429931653297325,0.0,0.07061201689039412,0.0,0.1449367196470306,0.0,0.13959937008426634,0.131384656816879,0.2722583469727761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789507241075702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192552696159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048012401309413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482343421419932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426674298828194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003371827558693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628415143171754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094237143660447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492065909769162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789190226886438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910691776550204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548030427007066
suicidewatch,SomeGuyCalledGio,2019/04/15,"Nothing I do feels good anymore My girlfriend who I deeply love and believe was my soulmate left me for another guy, I don't feel good at playing video games anymore, which was my main hobby, I feel every single story I create sucks, I don't think I'm good at making video games anymore, I don't feel good by walking, nor exercising, or crying. I feel bad for just existing.  
About to buy a Helium tank and a bag...  
I can't find another way...  
please, help...",4.475750915750915,5.121652857142864,5.626098901098904,81.73973443223444,69.87912087912089,8.264468864468865,29.452380952380953,8.344100000000001,2.061526007326007,354,13,70,5,6,118,58,91,0.163,0.6579999999999999,0.179,0.366,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,0,12,17,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,6,1,1,5,2,0,0,2,5,13,6,7,15,2,5,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,1,0,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211163334253521,0.0,0.0,0.45555741874552896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784760653105975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251218938207752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681935544463699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900899548959885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871067373934837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994759500557832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137143527442284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516114532364636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263214693835497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636376957166693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819548362551684,0.0,0.10220783154058977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692139334882348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680782044152054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981121941965246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153839031144666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sacha_ftm,2019/04/15,"Tentative suicide Hello, my name is Sacha and I am 17 years old. I already tried to make a suicide attempt three years ago but since then I have not thought about it. But right now I mutilate myself and today I even tried to drown myself in my bathtub. I do not know what to do...",2.2010526315789463,3.9885164736842142,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,77.2456140350877,5.963508771929827,25.43508771929825,6.742157984588678,0.891430877192982,217,8,46,2,5,70,41,57,0.183,0.8170000000000001,0.0,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,10,8,5,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,10,0,5,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22501573592853366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801211071723909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676603355359594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950499836028218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944159563337258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266364618902964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677979555812876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209980836466134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5553241889366077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152230003999372,0.0,0.0,0.2406126621524303,0.0,0.0,0.3446842928476714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269320236481684
suicidewatch,arctic_warlock,2019/04/15,"Inside a Tortured Mind Every waking day is a new journey in pain. I can feel my brain slowly killing itself even with the lack of drugs. I feel like those I love would be better off without me, or that if I could muster up the strength and courage to cut myself deeply my problems would fade. I torture myself with my own thoughts and bodily destructive actions. I wish to better myself, I want to better myself. But I can’t. Each attempt just fails and I fall into a pile on the floor begging myself to do it. To slit my wrists, to hang myself. To do something destructive until I give up and take a pill. Just so I can pass out and escape to a world I control, where I don’t feel like shit about going for a walk or eating dinner with my family. I beg and plead for some escape knowing only drugs can provide this fantasy. So I smoke, I drink, I take pills. To escape from reality and my own mind, in hopes that one day my ways of coping will lead to my death. I’ll develop cancer, or overdose, or get drunk and drive a stolen car into a fucking wall. I feel unimportant and lost, like my feelings, thoughts, and emotions matter to no one. When subconsciously I know that there are people who love and care about me. But I’m too blind to see it. I’m blinded by my own suicidal thoughts and hopes. I hide myself from any true possibilities or choices I have and deny myself true happiness. I feel like if I just lay in bed all day doing nothing then I can do nothing wrong. I can’t hurt anyone, can’t upset anyone, or do anything horrible. I hope to one day fix my mind and see the world how it truly is, to ease my own mind and be happy. Without the use of drugs. But still, day in and day out I’m haunted by my own thoughts. Thoughts that would horribly scar the normal person, I once reached out to the suicide hotline but got hung up on before I was able to speak with anyone. This just worsened everything. Made me feel like even less than a human. No I’ve never been abused, raped, kidnapped etc. I “don’t have a reason” to feel how I feel. I’ve been told to suck it up and smile but it feels like a mask. I don’t know why I’m so fucked in the head, depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, signs of bipolar disorder and signs of mpd. But I force myself through every single day while screaming and crying in my head. When I laugh outside, inside I’m begging for help. I’ve started to feel like a lost cause and was terrified to say this to anyone I trusted for fear of going back to a hospital. So I took to a place that seemed like a safe haven. If I am wrong and this post does not belong here I will remove it. I don’t want attention or pity. Just a place to let my thoughts rest, thank you for listening.",3.094800303336708,4.4977300253623245,4.123758004718571,88.36175429727,73.92753623188406,6.801550387596897,24.793731041456017,7.3071595529392575,1.0040987866531856,2122,66,443,23,43,688,255,552,0.17800000000000002,0.6509999999999999,0.171,-0.8991,0,0,6,0,1,3,62.0,0,1,0,10,23,51,11,2,24,0,35,25,6,8,4,113,92,49,5,16,24,0,11,8,0,5,10,4,1,2,18,32,4,2,24,3,0,13,13,24,0,3,17,19,66,27,68,66,13,58,0,6,4,5,12,25,4,15,26,292,84,2,0.058858603800616825,0.06973782087361258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002586893194556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462121723237896,0.0,0.04843561584984568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525863319788425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008433669331384,0.0,0.0,0.15616695590382634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570566755047441,0.0,0.0,0.060010269295040025,0.06046399945183899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601492901105804,0.046993805766611815,0.0,0.0646534124878646,0.2657125114041633,0.0,0.05069482920711427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674570592257995,0.0,0.0515075608270514,0.0,0.0,0.057659024020109924,0.20477188211624173,0.06022704575457851,0.0,0.06620800712420552,0.0,0.0,0.0656429018069476,0.07775110540318864,0.0,0.0991818245055718,0.0,0.05289831787131245,0.0,0.05548665338162921,0.06623229294159902,0.32736746443234244,0.25229158989399475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088276615575284,0.030751191186537782,0.056462536019642524,0.06690140187389483,0.0,0.047074602295137394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253121564340941,0.0,0.0,0.1208118164140809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03945168144143355,0.0,0.0,0.17537962265086113,0.0,0.0,0.0630093527111591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511832447772294,0.0,0.09704144809004862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060186910178544314,0.0,0.2300427260325268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850223785374235,0.0,0.10624437584675014,0.05569343405764602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23772164454704175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04539538376886288,0.05684600632181084,0.0,0.0,0.05766893485973613,0.11295283554402945,0.0,0.0,0.06268249211063498,0.11965233962381125,0.0447646204606353,0.06262970428397904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080514488598678,0.0513930625565163,0.12298942711282886,0.0,0.0,0.06635423211746665,0.056370272420148526,0.0,0.0,0.05631973480911705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051644759365421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680672415362395,0.0,0.0,0.09380537355993697,0.05358266232552121,0.0,0.0,0.06041751098046905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453122287769236,0.0,0.0,0.0416604227136478,0.0,0.047004557025930635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314527825973146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850869002888274,0.0,0.0,0.05418909447679415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32709009793492266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056241918261542026,0.06539407451138017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083493577642173,0.0,0.0,0.06943265899088855,0.046719220054432006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311073505987352,0.0,0.06768448961003685,0.11347518737923988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543439021234695,0.12870528695511024,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,anclaycomb97,2019/04/15,"I’m almost 22 years old and i cut myself I haven’t cut myself in years and i am so sad that i cut myself again. i’m
having trouble typing this and i can’t see and i’m numb to everything i can’t feel it",-2.742653061224491,-1.0680387346938751,1.1073469387755104,99.59122448979595,99.6122448979592,3.6163265306122447,11.081632653061225,5.288315135182226,-1.5164367346938783,158,2,41,1,7,58,28,49,0.332,0.6679999999999999,0.0,-0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,3,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,6,10,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,10,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,25,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285023517513572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845889540911602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163703631899902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44903245023662136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34099865513031336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511358387017389
suicidewatch,ochlobrephy,2019/04/15,I‘m in love with a straight girl I can feel in my chest how sad it makes me. But there’s nothing I can do about it. She’s never going to love me back and that’s just how it is and will ever be,1.3905797101449302,1.1873722608695658,3.216086956521739,99.31514492753624,76.3913043478261,6.133333333333334,19.68115942028985,3.1291,-0.7330057971014492,148,2,42,0,3,50,35,46,0.063,0.7290000000000001,0.209,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,3,2,11,12,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,5,10,0,7,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864161898926749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369319102209196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833843548915444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116904916175792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6723603250346071,0.0,0.2486350821056229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287281606604092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574071785668418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asAsceticanAesthetic,2019/04/15,"I think that's a wrap I gave it a shot, I know everyone did their best to help. But there's nothing left to look forward to, no one left to turn to. I can't even find a support group in my area that doesn't have people in it connected to the people and situations I desperately need to forget. I have always felt like if we could be honest with each other there wouldn't be a problem with those people, but they seem to take the least favorable interpretation of anything I say. I know I'm the problem, but while I'm eager to change, no one will give me direction and no one will hear my side of things. I've been running on fumes for god knows how long. I think I'm just done.

So thanks, and sorry. Peace folks.",2.4171252796420566,3.836172496644295,3.745117449664431,90.32738534675616,75.71140939597316,6.845861297539152,21.812639821029077,7.492282038375204,0.5635498881431755,558,14,126,7,12,183,95,149,0.119,0.7,0.18,0.9081,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,1,6,10,1,0,7,0,13,0,0,1,0,28,32,10,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,9,0,0,2,6,3,0,3,5,4,15,7,17,21,3,11,0,0,1,0,9,8,0,2,4,82,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125835199803194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444913241827207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870620804004734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998093802161453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074458544757545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547604577465077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988577044199264,0.0,0.0,0.14450643003872485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520419872561818,0.0,0.13822117819175286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507327920766666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044682859519386,0.0,0.10136605969972597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493356141244937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286229568675403,0.0,0.0,0.0738831776255133,0.0,0.0,0.1338334986117503,0.1269948342376386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213488373052503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451089465984669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074314137795192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145308337777102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894127394498322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026390312281825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767381134875345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998848482378118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16928923368073467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716136368272473,0.0,0.0,0.11370589072015813,0.0,0.0,0.13923196135412194,0.0,0.0,0.10047027261584324,0.19380373169372625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449445375321708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,etheral_kitty,2019/04/15,An interesting title I smile sweetly and say I’m fine as my world obliterates into 1000 pieces. I’ll never be fine.,3.364782608695652,5.4014387391304375,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,74.65217391304348,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,2.0051913043478256,93,3,17,2,2,32,20,23,0.0,0.5579999999999999,0.442,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6962015198119151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7178463929083851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lightlyvitalized,2019/04/15,Failed suicide attempt Still alive. Roommate found me vomiting at two in the morning. Don't remember what I said to him but he just thinks I had a stomach bug or at least is too polite to ask more questions. Missed work and haven't answered their calls. Finally cleaned up the mess around the trash can.,3.136609195402297,5.772991051724138,2.8282758620689665,92.00264367816094,78.13793103448276,5.935632183908046,28.63218390804597,7.1686216300943375,1.5521287356321842,243,11,47,3,6,72,52,58,0.18600000000000005,0.785,0.029,-0.8614,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,0,0,10,10,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,1,5,0,7,7,2,7,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,2,2,31,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254000333599438,0.2667409797967024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913494043641219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31256031840933024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312844863513884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196300436338093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232183565071509,0.0,0.2714100454753109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22786144391757315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31209996629223985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282516460761167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787217143816625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077204816744398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Toeaway12321,2019/04/15,"What is the point of hard work if it doesn't guarantee anything? I see several posts on reddit and personal friends who are disciplined, and worked very hard to achieve something. In the end, they wasted their time (reasons such as other people being more qualified or burn out) and/or had to settle for less. 

I also see many posts from people who decide to get better and want to get out of whatever ""dark hole"" they're in. You would have responses to these types of posts that are typically some profound train of thought about hard work paying off, stop giving yourself excuses and just do it, stop indulging in self-pity, etc. I'm still unsure whether these responses/tips are truly helpful, or fail to address the root cause of the underlying issues that people have.

But if hard work doesn't guarantee anything, then it gives little incentive to work hard. There's also the problem with people refusing to work hard knowing that people in higher positions reap off the benefits of their hard work, which is rather disheartening. This is part of the reason why it's discouraging to get out of that ""dark hole"" and work hard. There are also many doubts in any path someone takes in life and the constant shift in thoughts while striving for a given path can be self destructive. 

In any difficult situation you complain about, you will end up with people telling you that ""life isn't fair"" which just exacerbates feelings of suicide.

Would like to know if anyone can add any additional comments regarding what I said or would like the challenge any points I made.

Thanks for reading.",9.777038327526133,8.918177905923347,8.357613240418122,71.65537456445995,59.13937282229965,11.544947735191641,37.92160278745646,10.608840637214634,3.957861324041812,1277,50,217,24,14,388,163,287,0.17600000000000002,0.733,0.091,-0.9645,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,4,3,12,12,15,1,1,10,0,22,2,0,5,0,47,41,20,1,9,11,0,9,2,1,4,2,1,1,2,19,13,0,5,8,1,1,0,3,8,0,0,6,12,11,7,44,29,5,31,0,3,2,0,21,19,0,8,11,137,30,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285714657980636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598822942744207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050379638457101965,0.0,0.1185834417208939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372313289584472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401608330362701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786138602728122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276313570241349,0.0,0.08035575768197165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036431081060995706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566631778247124,0.0,0.11293080589358773,0.1382355056711947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163473658903478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829417449242995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520238124394378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919453968041229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178331022667676,0.07040082415892471,0.07221389285367003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817626839189199,0.0,0.1460965318701096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802406298525183,0.0,0.2997059768270993,0.06291203416739792,0.0,0.0,0.13622270827325705,0.0,0.20701442926982705,0.0,0.0,0.06894294491038674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720703606742058,0.0,0.0,0.1481605737939737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853686989735025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483041821059975,0.0,0.15032952698466567,0.0813969663741835,0.0,0.0,0.08098818847355929,0.0,0.0,0.061048462141233335,0.05546827418350303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057539912014132465,0.12047549486163478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881194945190204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054173281900503176,0.0,0.06297562975920125,0.06633475402395865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440067362883093,0.042013437450771435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059449507493959074,0.04249746558657085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501469678067914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196310892650742,0.0,0.0,0.1535485968388807,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uselessdumbgarbage,2019/04/15,"I don't want to feel anymore Once I've heard that people who tried to kill themself and survived are less likely to do it again. I wish it would be like that for me. I'm sorry if this is very unorganized but I just want to talk about it. I basically have no hope for my life. I have a bad feeling it won't go anywhere. And the most terrible thing is that I am my own problem. While I stand in my own way, I don't know how to do anything about it.  


I'm a failure and I don't understand how someone would possibly like me. I'm not good at anything, I'm not good looking and definitely not worth befriending. I'm disgusted of myself and my ugly body and I just wanna torture my body because there's no reason against it. Why do I think this way how can I stop it. The next thing is that all that i think of myself is a creation of my head. It's not like the people around me think that of me, I think that way of me but everytime I try to see myself different I just get reminded of my mistakes. This life isn't something for. And heh isn't it kinda ironic that a suicidal person like me is afraid of death. Being afraid of death and being suicidal sound so stupid but everytime I hit a bad time I just want to die. There's nothing left inside of me. No hope, no feelings and no will to live. But when I get better I'm scared that death is inevitable. When I'm good I'm still anxious about so many things. What if my life will just continue like this. But when I think about this, reading the words I've written I feel like I'm faking it. Faking every little problem or just acting like it's super bad even if I should just stop being a pussy and accept it. I should just find a way to avoid feeling.  


My brother is a genius. And I am just well okay i guess. He's smart and he's gonna have a happy life. He's so normal and I always feel like the weirdo of my family. Everyone is normal, everyone had or will have a normal, enjoyable life. Why do I have to be gay? I just want to be hetero and not be afraid of getting beaten up sometime. He's probably bringing a girlfriend home while I have no chance to find someone LGBT+ near me.   


My feelings are killing me. My thoughts are killing me and my fears will also do that. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of posting this and getting bad responses but I just want help. Maybe I'm just overthinking too much. I want to kill myself so bad right now my thoughts are all over the place.",1.0146161372873692,3.0738301330724083,2.7442612524461865,92.89041867379198,82.30724070450097,5.731160620201718,21.568606051482764,6.928431444225013,0.4742259220231824,1902,60,420,23,52,628,197,511,0.308,0.561,0.13,-0.999,1,1,1,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,0,4,36,50,8,8,17,2,48,9,3,4,2,97,98,40,10,23,28,1,7,9,1,10,5,2,1,1,33,17,0,3,20,1,1,3,17,27,1,0,5,11,59,23,41,75,7,32,0,0,2,1,11,10,0,10,22,276,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199540543323413,0.054100740442159324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345258818744302,0.06448104777279826,0.0,0.0,0.10700964788458114,0.05788039941640069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27143936039066263,0.0396347766260408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057503728297382005,0.0,0.14444216582215375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747911242139737,0.06793066970424462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04294421711094378,0.0,0.054781032153044126,0.12425624747249253,0.05843458651010242,0.0,0.06129381382358187,0.07316407794050503,0.23012774548214365,0.0928986990430498,0.0,0.0,0.11885176956299735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587828225841905,0.0,0.03695160746847999,0.1636037221766682,0.0,0.0,0.07162539324257915,0.0,0.0,0.06921358126858979,0.0,0.0,0.06672791141360418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043580642729826265,0.0,0.06521902545797757,0.12915641611178258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877340919870738,0.0,0.035732559633109486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064297319284125,0.0,0.229623040742894,0.2858835333682644,0.06516578650866173,0.057412675178393185,0.0,0.05459930588047705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591872442602717,0.06531999126502368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047796202238022084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914809120392082,0.0,0.1911134700656089,0.06238716565823382,0.0,0.0,0.06924275960567203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015151577024233,0.056771793146309125,0.06793066970424462,0.0,0.0,0.07329877911074907,0.062269911272917464,0.0,0.07010112116335457,0.12442816892346392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503626313034114,0.0,0.0,0.06685001970758753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552558734870013,0.0,0.0,0.1952850882656125,0.0,0.05181146052446877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101802130689468,0.050054547270710785,0.06430512532867921,0.07278307584314746,0.0,0.0,0.051923992376898605,0.10871703584221977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422397400101683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225954259989227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958654214664558,0.2083066860759663,0.0,0.10323511971927443,0.03791290826766228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828681548002619,0.0,0.0,0.06768672655620543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053647210533942766,0.23009817032177324,0.20643516964729414,0.0,0.0,0.05845959109979601,0.0,0.11733847000660055,0.0,0.07476825960953185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237479276167236,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pieter_Rogge,2019/04/15,Odi et amo 1.5 years the love of my life told me she wasn't in love with me anymore. Everyday I wake up thinking about her. And every night she is on my mind when I'm going to sleep. She is present in all my nightmares. We still have contact but it's eating me up. I feel burnt up. Unloved. Pushed away. Lonely. When we meet up it just feels like I'm talking to a wall and it hurts so much. The person I once loved unconditionally became my worst enemy and I cannot cope with this any longer. I'm done with all of this and everyday I'm thinking about ending it all. I just can't stand the mental pain this is causing anymore. I have withered away and I have been reduced to a shell. There is nothing left for me.,-0.02423157894737216,2.246121573333337,1.6489473684210516,97.30184210526319,89.93333333333334,4.224561403508773,18.561403508771924,5.750287758089431,-0.4241333333333337,556,16,127,4,19,180,91,150,0.16,0.755,0.085,-0.936,0,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,12,8,2,1,3,22,25,9,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,10,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,2,21,4,20,21,5,23,0,2,0,3,14,11,0,0,10,83,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107339391325073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239688404947285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069171987483544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779002699737872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714840304258896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671324709703062,0.0,0.0,0.14466632037892674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376167733056982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651741568029882,0.11668654919539745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928270386374671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748534845253474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774639440958311,0.0,0.11536833353339425,0.07979722554222778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44224861537265536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646032527021353,0.0,0.164921777909269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007001090974664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327882310988325,0.0,0.15672432767583613,0.0,0.0,0.17394643323063433,0.0,0.0,0.17379994489145675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426178127813801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345294816108544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043953367098762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312824776089804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093169322964976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560735821156714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518237814475193
suicidewatch,Thatdepressedgirl07,2019/04/15,I have all i need i have everything i  need but i cant bring myself to use it i just think about how confused everyone will be but then again they kinda caused this i just need advice or help or to talk,-0.00977272727272549,2.0846484772727294,1.787454545454544,97.92118181818184,86.95454545454545,5.3381818181818215,15.618181818181819,6.742157984588678,-0.4638672727272724,159,3,38,2,5,52,31,44,0.073,0.84,0.08800000000000001,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,16,11,6,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,3,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29556140507456025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107107809855369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890144632441603,0.2718324591099601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273324396319944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6728130344851609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24310670829226225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938048067313248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612292064639665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaayta224,2019/04/15,"Second suicide attempt at 16. Hi i just turned 16 recently, ive been depressed since i was 11 because of my abusive alcoholic father hitting me and forcing me to study for long peroids of time.  
Basically at 14 i tried to slit my wrists to end it all but i just got an adrenaline rush and couldnt fully do it.   
I have a couple of friends (atleast i think so) that sometimes talk to me in school but thats about it, my grades arent special probably below average and life just seems boring, dull, grey, lifeless and i WANT to die and fall into deep slumber.   
And now ive been thinking about suicide for a while like everday for hours and im probably gonna do it in 3 months exactly after my brothers marriage so i can have a good time before i go out.   
I just had to get this out of my chest, i hope you people that care here save some lives.",2.2510019267822727,3.997651248554917,3.709156069364166,89.01190366088635,76.97687861271677,6.463044315992294,27.140269749518303,7.3011,1.3639513680154152,658,27,138,8,15,217,113,173,0.149,0.705,0.146,-0.1386,1,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,0,1,10,10,0,0,4,0,13,4,2,0,2,26,25,12,3,3,6,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,5,1,22,7,24,17,2,22,0,2,1,0,7,9,0,3,11,90,30,2,0.0,0.1943853468300166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533121499988266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001000587780788,0.0,0.13960374782179236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727102831933913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153027261508414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130541841524685,0.0,0.17026931912766874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530926735100874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267530494339215,0.0,0.08571505231092037,0.0,0.09323959398043127,0.13760650460156484,0.13121449422128115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294949832023656,0.16156694540394953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772139320725966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588107015740702,0.0801518719064163,0.0,0.1448687862234419,0.14518873960575718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095185038006238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373917541081215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537708112113732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199035276808105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603839622770344,0.0,0.14935488763118485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571287726114278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226043160967352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35891200721763217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186594217243253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024720886310286,0.0,0.0,0.19133046791047112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138658631028044,0.17845115505685696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967673733578118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Secondary_Friend,2019/04/15,"I Don't Really Care Anymore That's it. I'm done. I tell myself I'll get better soon but nothing helps. I've recently turned thirteen, but it feels empty. I've been so out of it my mom reminded me it was my birthday. But it doesn't matter. I'm thinking that I'll just jump into traffic, since I live right next to the highway, but idk. Maybe just turn on the oven and 'forget' about it. Idk. Maybe I should just run away. Mom doesn't like me anymore ever since she found porn on my phone. Nobody will believe me, but I think porn is funny. I don't feel horny because of it, but now my mom thinks I'm just a trashy person. My sister and brother just think I'm a jerk who'll burn in hell because of some things I've done and because I'm the only one in my family with red hair. I'm just tired. Mom and Sis always say how i get more than them. And I know I do. I hate myself for having more than them. I hate myself for never saying thank you to them. I hate myself for never doing what I'm told to do. But I can't control what people give me. My aunt paid for my school trip to NY, but I never asked her to. My aunt usually brings me to the movie theater with her, but I never ask her to. I'm tired. I remember who I used to be, a kind girl who already helped out her Mom and sister. Idk what happened. After my mom divorced my dad, I found out that he wasn't my father. My mom let me call him dad for eight years of my life. I guess that's what started it. I still love her. And I still love my 'dad'. But my little brother, who is his son, says that he never talks about me. Didn't he spend nearly a decade calling me his daughter? My sister makes fun of me for thinking he was my dad. We look nothing alike. But idc. Not anymore. Im on my way to soccer practice soon, so I'm planning on jumping from the car and into traffic. Only thirty minutes to go, I guess",-0.0769224665608732,1.9207586184538668,2.030153593289505,96.73977131036051,86.2568578553616,4.243958286102925,17.592439356155072,5.238671369647483,-0.6529955112219454,1430,34,330,6,44,478,183,401,0.125,0.81,0.065,-0.964,0,0,0,0,1,0,51.0,1,1,3,3,17,13,5,0,9,0,23,8,1,4,6,61,67,22,0,1,18,22,3,1,0,3,3,3,1,2,22,16,0,1,11,1,2,7,13,5,0,2,11,8,68,8,42,51,3,40,1,0,2,4,63,15,1,3,18,208,90,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769698345779822,0.0,0.058036814786542074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075170097255714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041193242851395,0.0,0.06553154846656077,0.0,0.0,0.1275551593943962,0.0,0.0,0.0785833183890643,0.0,0.06168738544898174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244320038105887,0.0,0.07111382670185527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822951432440374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427550325594438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309202818242837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575321689438288,0.0,0.07053445232851335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295251307944954,0.0,0.0,0.07288202191406642,0.06690966477599176,0.039640004576388055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367293118943834,0.0,0.06167887338303636,0.0,0.0,0.20658830308243895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350266446329017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075340965983097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263292446182659,0.03833226547967507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132315102793399,0.049265831770142925,0.03407587306571961,0.06990689316102806,0.0615897078024412,0.0,0.058571653122692975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590252003146804,0.0,0.046558046689797836,0.0,0.140144634026211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5718248850513054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26897391832483825,0.0,0.07417892859221459,0.0,0.0,0.13385223007198158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726377581946365,0.10609462344389303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835522379843745,0.06090219869457876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468304108899565,0.0,0.06886879329831831,0.0,0.07901210099136594,0.05956532577064767,0.0,0.16640178301370195,0.0,0.07058978386053083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153943050596198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936875164846581,0.0,0.1114033968454724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606166144698143,0.060963762613459524,0.06421557375133642,0.0,0.0,0.04633818369167543,0.2234619426607369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033259386689858,0.0,0.06664822663879935,0.0,0.0,0.15173392120519447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024080304374156,0.07681874794032513,0.0,0.0,0.0553635662300106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04491611509117418
suicidewatch,phoenixpoptart,2019/04/15,I am a ghost I deleted everything. This is the only social media I'm still active on. Everything else is gone. I cut all ties. I haven't talked to freinds in days. I feel completely invisible. But I like it this way. I no longer have to make an ass of myself in front of loved ones. Maybe this is a better alternative to suicide... or maybe the first step.,0.5595833333333324,2.9585502361111162,2.6077777777777804,90.615,88.30555555555556,5.977777777777778,19.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.5678777777777775,275,8,59,5,9,92,52,72,0.134,0.703,0.163,0.4877,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,5,0,6,2,1,1,1,5,11,2,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,1,8,3,8,10,1,10,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,4,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887537615415264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476223637029271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231171879167407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729181144480554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424513213285536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941590776391517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088820040602956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538194969002095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315489414021452,0.0,0.15764697181690412,0.0,0.4745340223962123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160036592261165,0.179619821933482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407481129233049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18860765658639608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583343730779055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982650240946947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874627306273635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UglyManWantsLuv,2019/04/15,I won’t be here this summer Can’t take another day of this. I won’t be here this summer. No letter but people can just check my Reddit account. I’ll write a follow up post once I have the supplies.,-0.15209302325581575,1.953626348837212,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,87.83720930232559,4.370232558139535,15.576744186046513,5.6839178017228535,-0.6677776744186046,155,3,34,1,5,53,32,43,0.045,0.955,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882280737165841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30027709661806345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958547735750263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227923012764871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4459214642889561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500774696085169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adumbnewt,2019/04/15,"Isn't it inevitable that some people just won't make it? I feel like I've been slowly deteriorating over the years, my mind feels numb most of the time. I can't hold a conversation anymore, and my memory is failing me.

The other day I had to spend 2 minutes trying to remember my brothers name, just making a coherent sentence feels like so much effort. It makes socializing unbearable, which is what my psychiatrist tries to encourage me to do.

I've been dealing with depression for about 10 years now, I live with my family and I've feel like I've tried just about every drug and therapy available to me. After a string of failed attempts to get better I think I've just had enough. I don't feel scared anymore.

I wish society would be more accepting of those who have tried and failed. I just want to end this pathetic excuse of existance and I think that should be left up to me. The only thing I feel about trudging through another 40 or 50 years of this shit is existential dread.",4.757767857142858,6.173678645833334,5.5533630952380975,79.67437500000005,69.83333333333334,9.235714285714286,28.29761904761905,9.606745405546679,2.5347994047619045,788,28,152,18,14,257,114,192,0.136,0.738,0.126,-0.7921,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,6,10,14,1,2,7,0,17,3,1,3,0,35,31,7,0,4,6,1,6,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,10,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,4,6,19,6,23,22,5,11,0,4,0,0,8,3,1,3,11,97,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364776665219691,0.0,0.0,0.2581553038798815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511050894476317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393846987220703,0.13418291067850674,0.11210132560615126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509371520470298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527768485875058,0.13448372574632253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966023731618522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226974722040639,0.0,0.3948582022036078,0.27894582256952644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800001794848361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414125455578406,0.0,0.0,0.1907597994038608,0.0,0.11492823953062005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606361289717365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314182920417942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567805998234792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898787257752972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023229597207608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743894706695326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030671555372922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360106300120067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326754657075551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884227755574228,0.0,0.08646843871728285,0.16679467130755182,0.0,0.0,0.0758937602045086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35346369927394417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676811654142199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496705113111636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245756512927908,0.0,0.0,0.25144444834232943
suicidewatch,Itskevin91,2019/04/15,"Cocktails Not sure this this is the right sub to post. I’ve been contemplating offing myself since I was 14, but thinking about my family usually stirs me away and go about my day. I am now 27. Not a goddamn thing has changed. Working shitty entry jobs, never escalating, I’m too fucking dumb to graduate college. And the nonstop of bashing myself because I’m worthless has become unbearable. I have anxiety and mild depression when I finally decided to get help due to insurance changes from being hired and fired every so often it changes and I can never get the help I need. Last night I had a panic attack and I went for some of the meds that I still have left over and I saw the rest there too (all heavy sedatives). I almost made myself a night-night cocktail just to be over the whole living thing. I don’t want to work, i don’t want to go to school, I don’t care about ANYTHING. Nothing brings me joy, rewind! “You said family keeps you from offing yourself!” Not exactly, it’s the financial burden that would fall on them that keeps me from offing myself. I just don’t want to be here anymore. Before my panic attack I googled easy suicide methods and to my surprise they all suck. So until I find a better way I guess I’m on hold. 

I texted a friend yesterday telling them what was going on. She offered to come over at 2am but I said no she has work in the morning and although that was nice on her part she also said something that drove me mad. “You should go talk to someone”, like no fucking shit. If I could I would but I can’t. 

I don’t trust myself, I am the dumbest motherfucker to walk this earth, I’m lazy, unmotivated, selfish, greedy, ungrateful, petty, dramatic, I can keep going. 

I’m just done and frankly I’m over living. I genuinely don’t think I’m gonna miss anybody. 

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.",2.4252959747434883,4.663039193370167,3.666366219415945,87.19832596685086,78.33701657458563,6.347087608524076,24.983741120757696,7.447530270364453,1.2749610734017358,1436,53,282,20,35,467,199,362,0.258,0.626,0.115,-0.9968,1,0,2,0,0,1,44.0,0,3,3,4,17,25,8,2,14,0,30,3,1,1,6,49,71,20,1,9,10,0,1,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,13,12,2,4,4,2,0,12,14,15,0,0,13,5,51,10,39,50,6,40,0,3,1,2,19,13,5,5,14,189,64,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048762954813508,0.0,0.0,0.07226496586126291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912908098237522,0.0,0.0896179321456229,0.0,0.0,0.07436280654773253,0.0,0.0,0.2056067733355652,0.08490101902933543,0.0,0.0,0.05508574759509217,0.09980119204817127,0.07689407423129245,0.0,0.0,0.07992061851775764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921332777165176,0.0,0.2867829927196681,0.15568312476049884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721492072692497,0.0,0.0,0.05827803639405368,0.0,0.07783135841579249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247490727345864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613652370626864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037641409125712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899058844779628,0.08259209634444871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698158791886903,0.16708222248133914,0.09442410677324473,0.0,0.256782943606177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954738412648556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113969043387067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967345298020805,0.24096205221146175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365964594965238,0.0,0.0,0.09818198364995903,0.0,0.0,0.04414784047213762,0.0,0.15958813965198831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550567573346596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037529369271007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700460263619484,0.1393903259877631,0.0,0.0,0.25440467326139604,0.0,0.08670778425340565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212048031479061,0.0,0.09785663525429752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865448201591483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717133159645803,0.25787381055575004,0.0,0.0,0.09145434104731658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275851255952268,0.07475097353103864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656608569230329,0.06956749581198324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216571359012211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884479090319473,0.0,0.08516807036873164,0.0,0.0,0.07263207259256345,0.07898311104896827,0.08319607542653933,0.0,0.0,0.1200691608073106,0.11580465952732695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952442958095653,0.0,0.15989909381891065,0.07172763806160508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376938553225992,0.0,0.10088944617199193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736068370666213,0.0,0.0,0.12838559849168335,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IodineSky111,2019/04/15,"My mother is suicidal I haven't always had a good or even civil relationship with her, but lately we've been managing. She came to my city to visit her mother so i went and visited her for half an hour

I noticed she was subdued and she opened up. She cried a fair bit as i held her. She talked about being lonely and frightened of selling her house. Her mother is in ill health and her dad died a little over a year ago. She feels really lost.

She mentioned she'd self harmed a few months ago and it'd took the pain away for a bit. She says the only reason she hasn't killed herself is she can't leave me an orphan.

She felt so guilty for telling me all this. She feels like a burden on my sister and I (I'm 21, sis is 26).

I don't know how to help her.

I'm suicidal too. Have been for years and attempted before. I'm scared eventually she'll do something. I know her, if she decides to do it she won't survive the attempt",0.5387074829931962,2.6285829387755086,2.498979591836733,93.7698299319728,84.40816326530611,5.365986394557824,18.51700680272109,6.655083550727371,-0.03630340136054366,720,18,162,8,21,240,117,196,0.246,0.682,0.07200000000000001,-0.9915,0,2,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,6,9,1,1,12,0,20,3,0,2,1,23,33,14,4,1,3,6,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,10,0,1,7,0,1,5,5,7,0,1,10,4,38,2,17,18,4,19,0,2,0,0,41,7,0,2,8,105,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557180839675388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001828200062495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551715222009555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273664181609945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149429440037604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497082432256502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843960915970198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969715899548044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952684033045297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586299784815496,0.10304426675232146,0.13849192036554214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098070811399267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331915783308162,0.0,0.0,0.09668026400690073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204621736000644,0.16643227266147095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957892216936936,0.0,0.15853980494909148,0.0,0.16270771091603872,0.152728120879936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046781871232857,0.144565225504646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745374882969662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151300778527108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421689229875827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109700148794106,0.15348031119631772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240310388826073,0.14830156577229178,0.0,0.15485855026523992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147045267307143,0.14440825641463714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504725829736271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104211736570467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31554779266815125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159337278883129,0.1260711167570485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602546750163924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371086354848896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577018698259476
suicidewatch,okayynic,2019/04/15,"tried to hang myself an hour ago, couldn’t do it after i finished setting up the rope and the chair in the basement, i started crying and my chest burned. my family was going to come home in 30 minutes so i had convinced myself not to do it now, and that if i did they would try to save me.

i’m planning to go through with it tonight at midnight. i’ll give myself more time to mentally prepare while i stare at the skip knot noose. 

i’m scared. i’m lonely. i’m tired. but i’m going to do it.",1.3882285115303998,2.8212498773584898,3.1410691823899377,93.520178197065,78.52830188679245,5.4658280922431866,23.09853249475891,5.82211442006289,0.2437727463312372,381,12,87,2,9,127,70,106,0.077,0.882,0.041,-0.384,0,2,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,5,0,8,2,1,0,0,11,19,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,3,1,12,2,15,14,1,20,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,9,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192459025159916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21565865319136646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27500319724633826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360124005412937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401633159417952,0.42684752531128706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511264644684094,0.0,0.24654923183618616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522989425832232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506490165774462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772025482342102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598400611042184,0.2877462286318317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399492046221896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784499959438788,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,darksidesam,2019/04/15,"I don't want counselling and I don't want meds I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't talk to my parents about any of this because they have such high expectations of me and always talk about my potential and wish I could see it in me, so I'm always thinking any admission of what I do and what I want to do will hurt them. I used to talk to my friends but i feel this burden i place on them and feel so guilty. But I don't want counselling or meds because I want to fix myself. I have good periods where I'm motivated and everything is great but then one thing spirals and drags me down. I don't want to give up, but I just don't know what to do anymore.",1.8849252801992549,2.791133582191783,3.4877334993773377,93.6974283935243,76.1917808219178,6.952926525529268,23.546699875467,7.348242739294969,0.6050904109589044,517,15,128,6,11,172,68,146,0.145,0.723,0.132,0.4733,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,7,6,0,0,0,0,16,0,0,2,0,30,34,15,0,9,6,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,0,4,26,4,17,32,0,9,0,1,1,0,9,7,0,1,3,86,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399417129310797,0.0,0.0,0.19609721601516414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298966084149284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757838454255613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511748185227975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958135754762434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870803955996326,0.10300354854333928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139454624237333,0.0,0.0,0.1383123766960983,0.0,0.12093290227373532,0.0,0.15896100803694094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523360496711885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434966159740585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847715753440875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043997317119098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203070827089343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770135879633396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160096891125939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506393546204605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489427396093753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476637491261035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957880201557326,0.09238591313828813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452683287170074,0.0,0.0,0.5102531747078431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658020217187871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Etay200515,2019/04/15,Reunification. I’ve been beaten and abused by my father for 7 years. About 2 years ago I was taken out of his house. I recently got put back in. Any painless methods.,0.4245454545454557,2.8793241818181805,2.717333333333336,87.33600000000001,95.06060606060606,5.064242424242424,18.72121212121212,6.742157984588678,0.3970048484848485,130,4,26,2,5,44,30,33,0.183,0.7509999999999999,0.066,-0.5994,0,0,1,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,6,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,14,4,1,0.0,0.3980834540368857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978275646804135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284791230304349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25834924009246457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687153117821567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38767784962196655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377544748652334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317414620092832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327224850181076
suicidewatch,Disappearedin2019,2019/04/15,"The most beautiful suicide I'm so happy, I haven't smiled in a long time and I got a big smile on my face now that I figured out how I want to go out with the most beautiful song I ever heard in my life. I'm going to cut my veins and bleed out to the song ""Giant Leap"" by Adam & Daniel Skinner while completely stoned. I seriously wish everyone struggling with depression the very best because depression is the worst feeling I ever went through, especially when no one cares. I'm very happy I found my exit.",3.481674757281553,4.963871378640778,4.782706310679612,83.70473907766991,73.07766990291263,8.256796116504855,27.43810679611651,8.841846274778883,2.066146601941748,404,15,82,8,8,134,69,103,0.22,0.535,0.245,0.5236,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,1,7,0,2,4,2,1,2,17,15,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,6,0,1,4,4,12,4,13,11,4,19,0,2,0,0,1,9,0,2,7,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19953995572320574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226373036386536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932671468765133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776590858191025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930908424935453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172377254192831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331709892540514,0.0,0.17597512903746962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311807662464903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192463913280104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093275476984676,0.0,0.14729154817855672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920887405707893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300793965588002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297798777139172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247932535955316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19252659614943335,0.0,0.20144384778790864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738661532595513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30390664415648977,0.10862379434247656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072045167229752,0.0,0.0,0.21177774800590413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SuperSonic096,2019/04/15,"My mother hates me. I’m better off dead. She interprets everything I say and do as an insult towards her. Even saying “Fine” or “Okay” in response to a question or demand causes her to get triggered and start bawling, saying that I’m ungrateful and a horrible son. Since I’m obviously such a danger to her, I should kill myself. That way she can be free of the burden of having a son.",3.4954385964912262,5.073296263157896,5.3421052631578965,79.32307017543863,73.21052631578948,7.698245614035088,25.824561403508767,8.344100000000001,1.8560245614035091,300,10,55,5,6,103,55,76,0.316,0.578,0.106,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,4,0,6,1,5,0,0,2,1,11,11,6,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,10,5,9,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,3,1,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233755123426552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27151268153229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745700856005598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375391020110673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138087762223196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609451615541741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29241285816561324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29608060638344896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305546757032849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863473241414444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870755025684495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979195605774914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Madds1231,2019/04/15,How do I live with the guilt? I’m experiencing some major depression and anxiety brought on by a really stupid decision I made. Someone I love is in a very complicated situation and I was worried. I panicked and told my mom. This information shouldn’t have been shared with anyone. My mom told me it wouldn’t ever be repeated to anyone else. What I did was stupid beyond words. I did not think of the possible consequences for him and now I can’t take it back. I want to be there to support him but I feel like a liar. I feel like telling him the truth would make him scared and make matters worse. He isn’t in a good mental state because of this situation. Now I can’t support him because I’m in a bad mental state from this guilt. I just want him to be okay and I’m so disgusted with myself for what I shared. He told me this in confidence and I freaked out. I have been having really bad thoughts like that I don’t deserve to live and I’m an evil person. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for this. A part of me wants to stay strong and help him and then leave him once everything is okay because I know I don’t deserve him at the point. I feel like a worthless and horrible human being. I can’t live with this anymore. I can’t handle this anymore. I want to die but also feel like this is not helping him. I’m such a weak person.,1.72871794871795,3.6547288817204304,3.4824551971326194,89.2077853598015,79.17921146953404,6.729583677970775,23.27557209815275,7.748469712250963,1.0412993107251176,1054,35,229,17,26,352,126,279,0.231,0.58,0.189,-0.9622,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,1,12,30,5,3,13,2,29,2,0,4,3,49,57,17,1,7,5,2,4,5,0,3,1,0,0,3,13,16,0,0,11,0,0,1,12,14,0,0,12,5,42,16,27,38,3,20,0,2,0,1,28,9,0,1,12,153,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747043991595183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410866733088461,0.0,0.1921467904934258,0.1354736959843202,0.09925929297026344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744904504728698,0.16177219109847216,0.17716124466801053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834377973318839,0.0,0.1005403550730321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092614855303644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525692091948825,0.0,0.0,0.08706448359283042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593047315097245,0.2768284244547733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125366862262838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298657654832548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323964860038576,0.0,0.0,0.1025760248620973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366397452731041,0.0,0.2566256671582096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743294768127552,0.09166491999871222,0.1293288572573145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525326363606416,0.0,0.0,0.22691630338884905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031680973145602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490555819813932,0.0,0.0,0.16917401655842498,0.0,0.0,0.09157764094757234,0.1092113546513932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241204701160226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698819585375984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177818174088369,0.0,0.0,0.08208138301224598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325524382327726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21986389112840304,0.0,0.0,0.07283750883713483,0.0,0.0846725143500554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414643542657665,0.0,0.07690746973497238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777029837672896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993154329116503,0.2285561750460562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983806774831206,0.09872331177560084,0.06881680960811881,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bladimirr19,2019/04/15,"Attempt # 4 failed... So today I tried getting a suicide bag ready so I was gonna head out and buy a helium tank. 4 things happened to prevent me from even getting started. 
First my car wouldnt start for idk why it was fine yesterday so I decided to walk to the welding store.
Second it started raining and walking in the rain when the temperature is about 35 outside do3snt feel good.
Third I decided to call a taxi but my phone decided to go from 50% battery to 0% so no taxi for me and I didnt want to walk back home since I was already 15 minutes into the walk. 
And fourth when I finally arrived the guy tells me their is a shortage in helium in the U.S so they cant sell me any and I won't be able to buy any anywhere. 
Life likes screwing me over",1.413333333333334,3.356287318471338,3.298369426751595,90.0571932059448,80.27388535031847,6.224883227176223,26.390233545647558,7.3011,1.3019693418259024,587,25,126,8,15,197,100,157,0.084,0.843,0.073,-0.5768,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,3,10,5,1,0,10,0,10,3,1,0,0,15,20,13,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,3,7,0,1,4,0,4,6,5,2,0,3,4,1,17,3,19,12,0,22,0,1,0,1,6,6,1,0,11,78,20,1,0.19955659092960948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202156603798104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714106498384428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344670053163545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037695911035624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180524624597414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009018083786755,0.0,0.0,0.2186044911142836,0.0,0.1697427343011941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852016473234186,0.0,0.11341260940873968,0.16737860057342804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759239926284589,0.1764672343132914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20480263437165636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001715315522788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095272176310664,0.0974932703354494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507527417788334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237415465163429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828252113165084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442125628526894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257653181162365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891563146615469,0.0,0.0,0.13548582600254552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770364766327172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006878427182424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shatteredAI,2019/04/15,Tonight everything will end I feel this fear in my stomach and i want to end it. I had enough of this life. I can't do this anymore. But it is really hard to end it. Maybe because there is still something that keeps me here. But tonight is the night when i end my life. I feel like i had to write this down here.,-0.37085820895522303,1.7285392835820907,0.8852052238805967,103.6328824626866,89.0,4.544029850746268,18.82276119402985,5.985473137389443,-0.5191776119402984,240,7,61,2,8,75,42,67,0.085,0.856,0.059,-0.3905,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,8,3,1,0,0,8,12,4,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,10,1,6,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,42,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343075140589525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889671290071815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6910026288031762,0.2015320834553093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529252962155129,0.0,0.0,0.21947817321171945,0.197239717341008,0.13933912196839165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747206738242801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733636327152043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755299973878013,0.09528840658359533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594742065513016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830351208065546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494986638986645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015402237213554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576199842234065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150417151493576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saanderf,2019/04/15,"The end of my chapter So.. after years and years of depression and keeping it up with a semi stable job.. heres my story

From the beginning its been my dad and I going solo against the world, we’ve been doing fine and got a big house where I rent off him.

Some years ago I was doing my own thing with drugs n alcohol so I decided to cut my dad out (what a fucking dick I am).. and after falling deeply into debt and issues I decided I wanted a quick buck and going debt free
I went on a run overseas and got a shitton of beer n booze of every sort (on my dealers bill)
I shopped for about $9k and filled an already rented van to bring this home

After a three day drive I got caught and spent 3 days in solitary meanwhile the court decided their part. I was after that allowed to drive and went home empty handed

I went back to my daily high on crack n booze for weeks until I decided to move home to my paps

Fast forward to the present
I have not had a stable job ever, the last week I got an amazing opportunity with truck driving and Im really good at it, comfortable and all.. until this day, I got a letter from the Police saying I gotta go get my penalty for the booze run.

As said depression and anxiety always were with me so at this moment I’ve made my mind at approximately 90% to commit suicide by hanging. I got no friends so this is where I seek due to my life where I could only relate to reddit mostly..

Thank you all, god speed",5.085689553413339,4.640161267558533,6.2660672831005275,81.46454652764119,68.4314381270903,8.774424552429668,28.62502459177652,8.124751697461798,1.7684619712768057,1125,33,235,13,17,380,171,299,0.111,0.782,0.107,-0.3005,7,0,3,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,1,1,12,12,2,0,19,0,12,11,2,2,4,38,36,21,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,4,2,5,0,10,20,5,1,4,2,9,18,2,4,0,1,19,3,35,9,44,15,6,61,0,2,0,2,9,18,2,3,27,154,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946824613595568,0.11414962641004675,0.0,0.0,0.11786978273497233,0.0,0.08887620438613232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171094634986352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213189389831622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528075190043248,0.0,0.0,0.2066548594672044,0.0,0.18399417036865415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386809843030425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460379648909842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661763851963494,0.08999378142194818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252274553179828,0.09874604380079506,0.05580490159162888,0.0,0.18211129409268856,0.08958890230625233,0.5125642514352909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128528234675184,0.3214236656889033,0.0,0.0,0.1232467956959455,0.0,0.0,0.11537537192539185,0.11148405746954992,0.21198900958457467,0.094939481526468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706609856243434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544452861102505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010681696209352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784974880871796,0.0,0.0,0.11352433377547395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123539749855213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156670703503302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842655144024902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160274470078152,0.08494125054781619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683507565381368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833820960863553,0.0,0.0,0.07096119764343926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300053026771715,0.0,0.1713564103140289,0.0,0.0,0.2970475957317872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063504263504097
suicidewatch,CRNothing,2019/04/15,"It's spring break. As if I needed a reminder of how lonely I am... I'm tired of this. I want to die. I may do it tonight. Everyone is off having the time of their lives with their friends... And here I am inside this stupid fucking house with nothing to do, and no one to do nothing with. And it's like this all the fucking time... At least when school was going on a had other stuff on my mind. I wasn't reminded of my sad fucking life.

If I'm not doing it tonight, I'll do it this week. And if not this week, it'll be during the summer when I'm even more lonely. Why prolong the wait, right?",0.08846754807692392,1.9115253828124992,1.9859375000000021,98.36146634615385,84.234375,4.56346153846154,19.221153846153847,5.369823440869387,-0.49505120192307706,451,12,109,2,13,149,73,128,0.165,0.805,0.03,-0.9538,0,4,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,0,5,9,4,0,6,0,15,5,0,1,1,19,25,11,1,5,5,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,0,10,2,15,19,3,17,0,3,0,3,3,5,3,4,11,77,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245954819876454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224827109655504,0.0,0.0,0.17719780530076046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327205131170365,0.5143145018898023,0.0,0.0,0.10539097838439654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397520311716384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098318899461525,0.0905976081505773,0.0,0.16374870873690076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872435853376081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750291450269864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558732557418105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566031787799395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836647921310298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767723325228508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228675616620585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162654763604073,0.21313833228724904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093785131240315,0.0,0.2975008193545969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733258717732982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,memest0rage,2019/04/15,"All I do is hurt people, and waste their time and energy. Why should I exist? I have no friends, I cut everyone off. The person I'm closest to is the person I've hurt the most. My parents waste money on me and I give nothing back, and I hurt *them* too. No one would miss me. Why should I exist?",-1.2580952380952404,0.785247634920637,1.3749206349206349,97.67285714285715,96.46031746031746,4.06984126984127,14.936507936507935,5.82211442006289,-0.7599968253968252,223,5,52,2,9,76,40,63,0.335,0.593,0.07200000000000001,-0.9521,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,2,6,1,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,9,10,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,12,1,3,7,2,5,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583497494740507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677778663169065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910330884430013,0.0,0.0,0.19754967840694584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6613665401279001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975982475274668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954551625228392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286642028093589,0.0,0.0,0.14276799835507206,0.3596254683585544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120081176205365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716449656949343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628887987484926,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kessies_Daughter,2019/04/15,"I don't know who else to turn to. My life is not bad, by most measures. But I cannot seem to maintain the will to keep going. I am successful academically and in my career; I'm well liked; I have ""so much to live for."" And yet, all I can think about is the relief that not waking up would be. I want to give up without knowing the disappointment of everyone around me. I want to rest. And I can't tell anyone what I'm feeling without risking my livelihood. It's not ""safe"" to talk about things like that where I live. I can't talk to my mother, because I can't burden her with that. She already deals with the burden of my brother being a drug addict, my father having died of a brain tumor within nine months of being diagnosed, and when she remarried a wonderful man, she bore the grief of him dying only a few years later of a brain aneurysm. I cannot lay this at her feet and ask her to bear more pain. So, I'm here. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know what to ask for. I don't know what to do. But I'll settle for not crying tonight, if anyone can help with that.",2.434053708439897,3.3587256739130424,4.0516879795396425,90.11134271099743,74.86956521739131,6.6291560102301785,22.659846547314572,6.794906146795322,0.4589437340153459,835,21,190,7,17,280,123,230,0.07200000000000001,0.755,0.173,0.9589,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,0,1,10,0,22,9,4,0,1,34,44,11,3,4,9,3,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,1,12,9,0,2,9,0,0,1,15,8,1,1,0,2,29,6,36,39,6,14,0,2,1,0,20,7,0,4,8,135,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320924368500618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496657216524558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370949485390312,0.0,0.0,0.1169443370366998,0.24562052026308134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968582237377324,0.08008000502527042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932976732324144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430030282136067,0.0,0.13543344148226588,0.0,0.13333457512560604,0.2726760749929867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234382564735674,0.0,0.10974013636470767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552664312835835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642302032790443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601904110205614,0.07465880127664255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805242228906737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676488138595835,0.0,0.0,0.3609788926002357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278828252321937,0.12835840271608107,0.0,0.23199864907421885,0.0,0.11031505817575836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485575662615604,0.0,0.09656974105147087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991039976993332,0.1397835774791744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959143534765028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111753762864968,0.11482040647255172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727428981726383,0.08417456530738182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288939659876007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496712907393828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811456371299747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532658876220716,0.14246173186939812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331923248058398,0.0,0.0,0.08459593651783415
suicidewatch,yupyupyupyipyip,2019/04/15,"Can't pay my bills this month, deep in debt. What the fuck can I do about it? I cannot pay it back, the job I am working at is about time go out of business and I have no special skills.
My car needs repairs and is about to give out.
My debt just keeps getting worse and worse and the only thing I can really do is kill myself to avoid it.
I cannot pay rent this month and I will be evicted.
Seems like this is all that life is and that it will get worse and more severe as I go on.
I am NOT asking anyone for money so please don't think that. 
Any advice would be great...",0.19285714285714306,1.8208418571428595,1.7097619047619048,101.50607142857143,82.80952380952381,4.517460317460318,15.261904761904766,4.7782277997778095,-1.2548761904761907,438,6,112,1,12,141,75,126,0.21600000000000005,0.6970000000000001,0.087,-0.9637,5,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,2,1,3,0,21,2,0,0,1,18,32,9,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,9,0,2,2,0,8,3,6,3,0,0,0,0,13,3,13,27,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,5,76,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424099041502608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125588602462148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124677440406748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666943660267984,0.0,0.0,0.13710822063609976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484332355885126,0.1863176507161427,0.17104974894860006,0.2026736452443101,0.0,0.0,0.19658573706008886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769436604891562,0.15848877655644505,0.1972719229259038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259445579983031,0.08711252033035323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846482672756484,0.0,0.0,0.1322134842146253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561163970579146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572917434775905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114228983004487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623253503099743,0.0,0.20143783749160132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846023610686532,0.11425287907106825,0.0,0.0,0.10397311303675658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981070261454447,0.0,0.5451347465452132,0.12666523366856097,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RobMarenghi,2019/04/15,"Depression Advice 2019!! Hi guys, I'm a fellow traveller here. To the point of checking myself into A&E just before a planned overdose. Anyways I made a short video on depression advice. I hope it helps a bit :) Here's the link if you're interested. Peace xx  [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbqFfFykZA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbqFfFykZA)",9.484000000000002,14.156352100000005,4.547499999999999,73.59125,78.0,5.7,26.25,7.1686216300943375,2.023,295,10,35,4,8,75,41,50,0.127,0.603,0.27,0.8044,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,2,1,5,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.52080557456308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887327598155928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267562594999711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29092894705888056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4590405146976709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638587327699894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861703489103334,0.0,0.0,0.2646764095019929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521513834345346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519112966762624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,getmeoutofthispls,2019/04/15,"I'm so sick of feeling like a failure. I feel like I am so depressed that I can't be a good mom to my kids. I can't keep up with the housework, or any of the hobbies that I try to use to make me feel better. I don't even have it in me to kill myself, I just sit here hoping for some act of God to kill me because I am a coward. I know my children would be sad, but I feel like the burden of having a mother like me is worse than the loss of a mother. I just can't feel like this anymore. I'm a burden to my children, to my husband, I ruin everything. I just wish it would end already.",2.5512686567164167,1.9152825970149288,4.767873134328358,90.71285447761196,73.77611940298506,6.998507462686567,25.70522388059701,5.148860815047168,0.4983611940298496,444,12,112,1,8,157,71,134,0.258,0.5820000000000001,0.16,-0.9486,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,16,2,0,10,0,13,1,0,2,0,20,26,4,2,4,5,4,5,5,0,2,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,5,22,8,17,22,1,5,0,4,0,0,7,2,0,3,6,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988573529956705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469009728102983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526753087868392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384543162822076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361547272794309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259541249089912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635246588023547,0.0,0.0,0.10168137514025194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835877125782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892043345124168,0.43992267657525896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912449815234087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290536051111195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368362887742746,0.34064188517388977,0.0,0.08460593870856059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760567229671867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276166032284116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030234384709096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452076447884576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296186975371205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703290373881667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156886431161232,0.21872085668803595,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,aurielian,2019/04/15,"I ruined someone else's life. The title says it all. I've been suicidal and have battled with depression my entire life. Now that I brought someone down with me, I can't live with myself. I have nothing left to lose.",1.6004651162790715,4.141477883720935,2.857023255813953,89.8966976744186,84.11627906976744,5.300465116279072,24.879069767441862,6.742157984588678,1.06478046511628,171,7,33,2,5,55,34,43,0.289,0.6629999999999999,0.048,-0.9051,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,7,0,5,3,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24590156644000816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384994250986077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101976384214489,0.0,0.4033155556528357,0.0,0.0,0.2521025864409688,0.0,0.0,0.3194025562368673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739458799697428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22704182989310195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838080894678824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31229172164363483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WhatsUpDudeee,2019/04/15,"I’ve been debating about posting this but here it goes: I’m not sure if I’m dealing with depression or have some kind of disorder, but I regularly think about killing myself Since I was 16ish I have had thoughts about killing myself. I would daydream about it, and the thoughts themselves would be very detailed and intricate. Such as how I would do it, when, where etc. I’ve never been medically diagnosed with a disorder or depression, but it might be because I hide everything from everyone. I have had these stages in my life where it feels like I’ve gone through depression. It almost seems like a cycle, where every three months I go through a stage of depression. When I go through these stages I feel much more anxious and I also tend to eat less and sleep more. The last “stage” I’ve had with this was about 2 months ago. Right now I feel “normal”, but I regularly think about how to kill myself. I don’t feel sad or anything, I just keep having the thought of suicide. Almost as if im planning it in someway. I’ve had moments where I felt that if I had access to a gun, I wouldn’t even hesitate to follow through with my plan. I wouldn’t feel anything and just do it. But at times I do feel a little scared about killing myself, usually when I’m in a “stage” of depression (again, I’ve never been medically diagnosed so I’m not sure if it is depression)",4.134999999999998,5.518802230483273,4.657730483271376,85.62488568773237,71.30483271375465,8.353977695167286,29.435130111524163,8.841846274778883,2.2114236431226764,1076,43,220,20,20,342,121,269,0.29,0.68,0.029,-0.998,0,0,0,1,0,5,27.0,0,0,0,2,25,17,4,1,9,0,27,7,1,2,4,55,50,26,5,10,16,0,7,2,0,6,5,0,0,0,14,9,1,1,13,0,0,4,7,12,0,1,15,7,26,5,30,27,6,34,0,7,0,0,1,10,0,12,16,152,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916332453394663,0.0,0.17885173164173934,0.0,0.0,0.07141702322107311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088901418350284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698049652993414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443938246233495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092069336368257,0.4615086050393806,0.1812850018784396,0.0,0.0,0.2047020954620272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138111422988356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995984683167976,0.05898498386672379,0.0,0.0752431529815068,0.08533457174885654,0.08026140361698908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27093116740887924,0.06379937315119327,0.08574662117848987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015079615840691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646451813573073,0.0,0.0,0.07937821724578364,0.3952101566997451,0.09299721562597116,0.0,0.07279533841255473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307862741405558,0.08725963710304542,0.08950687949312353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993039876667433,0.0,0.09473828926718013,0.0,0.0,0.14256449251089556,0.0,0.06564930990864305,0.0,0.13775474781199953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749975128130275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552932056780571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626581864310672,0.0,0.0,0.08940969281925694,0.0,0.0,0.08129974375071353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387386057461168,0.0,0.0893693035255435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976849659178986,0.0,0.16833745056754115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444583083937875,0.0,0.2126941278981513,0.05207435210033782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835662985149596,0.07368581990130046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903187213774119,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slardybartfast8,2019/04/15,"The stinging never stops I dated this girl about two years who I immediately fell really hard for.  I've been alone most of my life and the only thing I've ever wanted in life was someone to love who loves me back.  After about two months I was really starting to let my guard down and I was ready for things to get more serious.  I thought she felt the same.  Then out of nowhere she broke up with me.  She is a very successful attorney and I am...nobody.  She said she needed someone ""further along"" etc, which has been ringing in my ears for two years now.  I'm a failure, basically, who never had the ambition to achieve something like she did.  I haven't dated anyone else since.  I never meet anyone I actually like and want to spend time with who isn't already taken.  I'm on Bumble, and today at work I was just flipping through, and probably for the 4th time since she dumped me she;'s back on bumble. ""I have a busy life but I'll make space for you if we are a good fit.""  Why am I not a good fit?  Just because I'm not rich and successful?  I know that's not the full story, obviously she felt we just weren't meant to be together, but it never stops stinging for me.  I still like her so much.  I don't know how to stop.  I feel like even if I do meet someone else I'll still always wish I had been able to make it work with Her.  Just so tired.  And now I'm working hard to get life back on track and become someone (not for her, for me) but sometimes its just too much. I'd be much rather be dead.  I'm not going to do it, if I was going to it wouldve happened in my 20s.  But everyday is just such a dull, pointless drag.  I have no one to love and no one who loves me.  The girl I like doesn't want anything to do with me.  My days are so depressing.  I just want it all to be over.",1.9281746031746039,3.1460150978835983,3.527703703703704,92.21266666666668,76.5925925925926,6.627301587301588,22.123809523809523,7.1686216300943375,0.457910476190476,1369,36,321,15,30,455,173,378,0.116,0.736,0.14800000000000002,0.8899,0,1,1,0,0,1,47.0,2,1,0,6,25,19,1,0,13,0,32,10,1,3,7,67,64,22,1,10,20,0,5,5,0,0,5,3,0,2,16,18,0,4,7,0,2,3,16,5,0,5,18,8,48,14,44,41,9,47,0,3,0,4,28,16,0,4,33,219,64,6,0.08366947948286185,0.0,0.08164934250775646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665634734949425,0.09233135118274632,0.0,0.06961970955199498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700729093342788,0.08572926933182796,0.06885285251271916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19300999534071836,0.0,0.05100413810072108,0.0924063665116715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053959892463109435,0.0,0.07206440007649963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979022774964198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933135866514448,0.05526290209277565,0.0756838343603497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042305802813103664,0.059773492860509016,0.1606716428601579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874276993987622,0.0,0.09510258670804346,0.14035597943731593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398864438399536,0.0,0.14990283851204433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919651155557135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555771155189701,0.2363929110368846,0.2043834068333608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020598876314482,0.0,0.1117000545179324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678418026982387,0.0,0.1845200836608012,0.06203985886441709,0.258124242547915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339320936147175,0.06363440943785982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020985026775656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720162207237778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958883510621227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842451608953465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835715137924214,0.06441285302683004,0.08275125463160103,0.0,0.059221688222417135,0.0,0.1336371087905724,0.2098542939568797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117256870993927,0.0,0.0,0.06642422073784147,0.09757669267717428,0.09616575838789687,0.07930888333430516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451987714116592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903608315011724,0.1974017072018216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549869127825334,0.0,0.0962157721905664,0.0,0.0,0.18273713268664385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077608031506458
suicidewatch,snakeeyes124,2019/04/15,"MAY 2019 I waited this long to experience certain things. From this day untill the day comes I will prepare myself. Not because I lack courage but because I have to clean up and make sure I leave nothing to regret behind. 

I post here because deep down I don't want to die. I just don't want to be here. Everyday is difficult and avoidance and sleep can only give me peace for a short period. 

I don't want pain, I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever.",2.6654032258064504,4.477991387096775,3.788911290322584,88.60336693548389,75.98924731182795,6.800537634408602,24.528225806451612,7.6454224807358475,1.1454741935483872,361,12,75,5,8,117,62,93,0.14800000000000002,0.61,0.243,0.9301,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,9,4,3,1,2,22,17,6,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,13,3,12,14,1,13,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,1,6,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621183086482615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705695583236818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25540234866168005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550489695512986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369345161114376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995087894475826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966581432937853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752341356892041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321743565789238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999757984149931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059683113008035,0.21069842439690384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964048637201952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396309431076953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866236969282715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315501841237097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671697565338813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lilcookienugget,2019/04/15,"I think I'll die tonight I'll finally get to overdose on my dads medication. It's renvela 800mg and I a have no kidney disease. There's a whole bucket at home and imma try my best to overdose. I'll finally be with him again and I can stop living, forever",0.4518787878787869,2.5665818545454577,3.4322727272727285,86.78174242424242,85.0,6.575757575757575,25.53030303030303,7.793537801064563,1.6307575757575754,202,9,43,4,6,72,40,55,0.158,0.762,0.08,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925374622826132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893049536328341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6107276422354221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563862333796765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27961522401583633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461468554401897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28081757200113144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330526876006977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178615734541011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892571800539892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112213724214397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unknown7301,2019/04/15,"How to die quickly, easily I have my reasons, I just want a simple and quick way out. Any advice is appreciated👍. Thanks.",1.0175000000000018,3.5302024166666683,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,87.33333333333334,6.533333333333335,20.5,7.793537801064563,1.2438499999999997,94,3,18,2,3,34,23,24,0.147,0.604,0.249,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42140744121207935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932612615425808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475640321683532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433914925261279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397032285173735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25435936447181645,0.3423020605684625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TherapeuticYoghurt,2019/04/15,Can i talk to anyone here please? Just need someone to talk to,-1.5102564102564102,-0.46612253846153706,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,120.53846153846152,1.7333333333333334,12.025641025641027,3.1291,-1.9196974358974361,49,1,11,0,3,15,10,13,0.0,0.8270000000000001,0.173,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29691859165669704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148656356992935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4661278784988538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35979661539684843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6826200830765334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AnubiasNana,2019/04/15,"I made my favourite scarf into a noose and I am looking for a spot to get it over with. I don't know why I am posting, but I guess I just want to see if someone can find a reason I should hold off.

​

I was in a relationship with a bipolar II man until Wednesday last week. He broke up with me through text suddenly while treating me like a stranger and telling me to get out of our shared apartment. I packed my essentials and left, and now he refuses to see me or let me return for anything else. I was told that he is no longer in love with me, despite our 4.5 year long relationship being okay just 3 days before. I'm so mixed up and don't know if he is telling me his honest feelings, or if he is experiencing something, but he is flip-flopping so hard that it hurts. He wants to be friends and doesn't want to say goodbye forever, but also doesn't know what the future will bring. I just want to go home, but instead I ended up back at my parents who are hoarders and i absolutely hate it here.  I had to quit my job because it is so far away and basically right beside my apartment. I have no support and no friends, and I don't even know if I want to make any because I have come to be so distrustful with people. I had been feeling depressed for months and this is really the last straw for me. I'm alone in a place I hate with poor future prospects. I don't know what I should be feeling for the person who did this to me. I don't know if I want to untangle the mess that is myself. I'm tired and I've been tired for a long time. I took my favourite scarf and went looking around for trees that are a good height in a quiet area, and made notes of spots. I don't want to do it at the house because I don't want to be found. Why am I even trying?",4.337607272727272,3.9915033680000036,5.15479393939394,88.46506363636368,69.98666666666666,8.09818181818182,29.31212121212121,7.348242739294969,1.3947866666666675,1373,46,320,12,22,448,176,375,0.14400000000000002,0.727,0.129,-0.9321,2,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,2,0,0,1,15,17,3,0,15,1,41,4,0,4,0,66,82,32,0,15,14,1,4,1,2,3,3,2,1,2,15,24,0,2,12,0,1,5,12,7,0,0,13,11,47,10,46,60,0,48,0,3,4,1,26,23,0,8,20,207,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376056187613628,0.0,0.07239586960375585,0.0,0.09808794536350283,0.11000243270495684,0.06156270618068991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744975104054506,0.08058984854236212,0.0,0.0,0.08505481224019425,0.06961107933567436,0.0,0.165556596577212,0.0,0.07703336333179146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798256779989682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838360363508398,0.0,0.07797234535155742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562521788356906,0.0,0.0801816696326496,0.0,0.0,0.11958687181279615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732228383847672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827417070774363,0.0,0.0,0.09926018525471593,0.13988469310895665,0.0,0.09459515049838677,0.0,0.051449618166211374,0.07593128430421305,0.0,0.0,0.09972770836773072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109604660020918,0.17875694726043218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908077939463832,0.0,0.0,0.10445811080016988,0.09691298080718504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983589117494699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29851365207205993,0.14758615214646867,0.0,0.0,0.09835983454841286,0.09257185830356922,0.0,0.0442278116929347,0.0,0.0,0.16023032481924895,0.15204282747844836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170580012547822,0.17132112848888162,0.060428694455337675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225924537624083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052154812912716,0.0,0.0,0.06276128944377621,0.0790462791769013,0.09458335529894543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670159101923508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628855007555613,0.0,0.0,0.057995084185821125,0.09307871088674358,0.0,0.19438815973946505,0.0,0.07731112293239438,0.0,0.07199215615404972,0.0,0.0,0.14427950734708891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670478066082237,0.06969351324586863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027310391549019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825236863400208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278808656986584,0.20809913677365724,0.0,0.08650417296025932,0.1005808568940056,0.0614631305205429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271699777029513,0.0,0.07261676376179835,0.0,0.0,0.08392112885548461,0.16337636957192375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000243270495684,0.0582975959676613
suicidewatch,itsmejohnstamos,2019/04/15,"I’m nearing 30, have no career path, and find interest in nothing. I’m 27 years old with a psych degree and have hopped from field to field. In recent months, I’ve come to the realization that I will never find a fulfilling job because I have no interests or passions. All I want in life are a family and to have a house but am forever stuck in jobs making less than $30k/year because there is nothing that I want to do. I have done countless career quizzes that all lead to the same career fields, but they are pretty much low salary careers that would takes years to get into. Furthermore, I don’t even have the desire to work in any job that even comes up as my results.

The only reason I’m still around is because I live in a beautiful area with an amazing girl. However, I know most of my life is being pissed away at low-paying dead end jobs and have no hope that I will find anything that I want to do.",8.325967741935488,5.560889956989254,8.132338709677423,78.16850806451615,63.40860215053763,11.235483870967743,34.54032258064516,9.188382445141503,2.758367741935484,716,21,151,9,8,231,109,186,0.115,0.726,0.16,0.7906,6,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,1,0,10,0,21,4,1,4,3,32,35,8,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,0,13,5,26,29,6,25,0,1,0,1,2,14,1,3,8,98,20,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086167638291279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042721304579552,0.11279940973948582,0.0,0.0,0.1190488974694318,0.0,0.0,0.2317250461461201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830014020125546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966906499307496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222809286873284,0.0,0.0,0.1673824780299008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194515948351055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474339220627611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620112417029184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585234076104493,0.0,0.1462071644739142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5029633722479603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963690084615476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789990651035147,0.0,0.0,0.11188789187678863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458039305418008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113929203348933,0.0,0.09314696260907812,0.0,0.09772712280999916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24316471664064784,0.0,0.13296159115077588,0.0,0.0,0.09636921638495252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891036094520938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302797292368406,0.1251115547254102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119134889335467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527069607171912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22421180620841774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922469171266094,0.0,0.0,0.09001166373578498,0.0,0.0,0.2447926581321187
suicidewatch,yawaworhtthrowaway86,2019/04/15,Im ruined I feel like I don't belong on this planet. I think about ending my misery so often. Sometimes it's the only thing to comfort me. I feel like I give up a little more each time. I feel like the world would be a better place without me. And that it would be much easier if I just ended it. I've failed at everything and I'm alone. I've made so many bad choices in life. Life feels weird. Ive become so selfish that I don't even care sometimes anymore. And the next day I might be fine. And want to keep going. No one believes me. I'm worried that I might lose it when I'm really down in the dumps someday. I get this whole feeling inside of my body like my soul just wants to escape. It gets so built up sometimes it's the worst feeling. My grandfather killed himself as well.,-0.11304073436603446,2.1337498072289165,1.851893287435459,95.86467871485942,90.0843373493976,4.125760183591509,17.543316121629374,5.622346879071545,-0.4765768215720021,612,16,134,4,21,202,101,166,0.229,0.619,0.151,-0.9612,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,11,18,2,0,7,0,10,3,1,1,0,25,29,11,1,5,4,0,6,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,12,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,1,6,20,9,14,21,5,17,1,3,0,0,2,10,0,4,10,84,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510452453141496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197936289718443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085663043679992,0.0,0.13340574464203744,0.0,0.13609170012990784,0.0,0.10683108494803824,0.0,0.13417315488852974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315592898079902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790112203942308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139724731765011,0.0,0.0,0.07978225833428443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856044399556704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664576807864279,0.2588824003994746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621811441053607,0.11587510200834307,0.06864911951476846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047654846166534,0.0,0.0,0.10736585855015876,0.1336389227866691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706385258692716,0.23605231206780225,0.12106574443677448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351358274959533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429671438030314,0.0,0.12246456112209762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562833512183565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879633186699344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284641157039044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185207417665816,0.09186808329750468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262023761002238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773827213387591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584003947216309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024912066337045,0.07739890937276511,0.0,0.0,0.07043503514804639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424930052819588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860689780864563,0.0,0.0,0.1348604301900616,0.0,0.11643958844153697,0.0,0.0,0.12267057228639845,0.0,0.17161494784380674,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GezzRoll,2019/04/15,"I have been searching for a while now, a quick painless death that’s not messy and is 100% sure to kill you. Overdosing isn’t 100%. Pulling a trigger is too messy. Hanging yourself is painful and terrifying. I just want to get it over with. This decision is final. I will not be swayed. You have no idea what my life has been like. I can’t even use the internet. All that comes up it worthless help lines. Please, someone help me to find a way to get it done. I just want to get it over with. Please.",0.2710180995475113,2.6218234019607856,1.236666666666668,100.17115384615386,89.49019607843138,4.707088989441932,20.591251885369534,6.297961479604792,-0.036554449472096184,385,13,90,4,13,119,67,102,0.173,0.623,0.203,-0.35700000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,6,5,1,0,5,0,14,2,0,2,2,18,21,3,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,11,16,1,11,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833354627861916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217800483477852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057317619503265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23314646815412515,0.19452410438299725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33358697045830266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28531289106171337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402608194581867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23546648379758844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032915878475364,0.10397870387586093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264676858213135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672500756996493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033141068719447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005911381812159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838180524046681,0.0,0.0,0.25106702613170856,0.1689357114178556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,owofemoid,2019/04/15,"im falling through the cracks of the mental health system ive been depressed since i was a preteen. had my first psych hospitalization right after i turned 13 and been on meds for 3 years now. ive been through phases of remission where im relatively stable and happy, but currently im not.
even at my worst it was hard to get any type of psychiatric help, even after i had just attempted to fucking kill myself. so currently given my lack of extreme steps ive been neglected by the system.
uve been waiting for a new therapist for months andve been on stand by for a psychistrist for at least 3 months.
at this point it feels like the only way to get help it to attempt again. the only thing holding me back is the posibility of being perminantly crippled.
idk what to do and i cant tell anyone irl or ill get 8555ed. does anyone have any advice or has been / is in a similar situation?",3.7945714285714303,5.519613342857145,4.995857142857143,81.50864285714287,72.71428571428572,7.9714285714285715,26.785714285714285,8.634040054169528,1.9640285714285723,705,25,136,13,14,233,109,175,0.162,0.763,0.076,-0.9534,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,8,7,2,0,10,0,21,3,0,0,0,13,29,7,1,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,12,2,12,2,27,16,3,27,0,2,0,1,3,9,1,2,13,92,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431055042851469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917683750263315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047971368837028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260806661528355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613387327551934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815603192087827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345263075826816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404758473230215,0.10462117447309802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456703901370958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538712612766865,0.2295362414387835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589467315260164,0.13118700507079314,0.0,0.0,0.15566543260750518,0.0,0.0,0.19631956415553345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745609878528807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202099141177492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154620231285286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266868306464488,0.0,0.14758329677701013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337838744795271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143862539354268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275782570803554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843896803994524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506423064197278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114178673608506,0.1646116330797578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800040912475444,0.0,0.0,0.17003529292402972,0.09729232935046844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929138196007744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162421547531292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943065332830282
suicidewatch,Sandmancometh83,2019/04/15,"Thinking about taking my life pretty frequently I've had chronic depression and anxiety since childhood. Not sure if it stems from anywhere or if it's just genetic. I've had thoughts about suicide in the past, but I've never tried to act on them. The last couple of years have been particularly bad, it feels like I can't catch a break. I've become increasingly isolated. I've sought help a couple of times, but have mostly ignored the problem or tried to improve things on my own. I've been having a lot of thoughts about suicide the last few months. I have a rough plan. I'm trying to get help again, started medication a couple of weeks ago. So far it just seems to be exacerbating things. My anxiety has been through the roof and I feel like I'm thinking about ending my life more. I can't talk to any of the few people left in my life about it because it makes them uncomfortable. Not here looking for anything in particular. Just felt like it might help writing it down and putting it out there. Maybe not.",4.044422588832486,5.912511370558377,4.545885152284264,84.40075666243656,72.3502538071066,7.361548223350255,28.04854060913705,8.07648339933343,1.7806550761421316,808,31,158,12,16,256,111,197,0.157,0.723,0.121,-0.7858,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,2,1,12,8,0,0,11,0,14,5,0,1,2,33,29,10,2,3,12,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,11,4,0,1,8,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,8,5,11,4,25,19,7,28,0,1,1,0,7,9,0,8,17,98,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682172070664377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194853654276647,0.0,0.18437424976763467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991665625596087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061787453913996,0.07345962973472643,0.1330899358729257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000143734090238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037920518570632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673297019571627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186339093286265,0.17217970215723452,0.11570511563267195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295966038784252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24231885362243036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964577246959101,0.0,0.0,0.13093063960140466,0.0,0.2553518650152158,0.17662013258906598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011950901501414,0.0,0.0,0.10245029719246217,0.0,0.0,0.08043900898817527,0.0,0.12106495308091575,0.0,0.0,0.12139759741549665,0.0,0.1278383283661143,0.0,0.0,0.09618712005426726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294202386913036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503706766341545,0.083544017807776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259840972952472,0.0,0.11530842350808415,0.0,0.1211422932601572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970457053930732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968420285884744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529510449707353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636290531746205,0.0,0.11357592821460707,0.0,0.09060587331054014,0.09685854131878656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011829702843494,0.15443136894435872,0.0,0.19133736369326426,0.07026829568857157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454479624098499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666302682154906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760222007605368
suicidewatch,rainboy95,2019/04/15,"I'm so numb I can't do this, my Girlfriend of 5 years left me, I had to move across the country to be with family. She was my only friend and now everything hurts I'm going to end it, once she forgets about me and I move out. I really wanted to change for you Tin, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough and I can't keep our pinky promises.",-0.9981333333333318,0.9538078533333342,1.6626666666666698,97.98466666666668,90.46666666666668,4.933333333333334,15.0,6.42735559955562,-0.6333999999999995,259,5,64,3,9,89,52,75,0.13699999999999998,0.782,0.081,-0.4579,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,8,13,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,14,3,10,9,1,9,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25388698751792105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125677682143488,0.247982994090086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569551404363346,0.0,0.2262495804276221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542253583487409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639689169828242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569237599511758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332202778811574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26075948041090713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101616460276855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555909696454013,0.0,0.1825299595483209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374942513997505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686590920764082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155755490079475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455140712187845
suicidewatch,bluecollarcreative,2019/04/15,"Thoughts of suicide are my Monday morning norm Since childhood, I've had recurring bouts of depression and thoughts of suicide. There was a time that things got better. Then I started a new job, now most Mondays I think about going home at night and hanging myself in the garage. Money has me trapped in this job but it's crushing me. My wife and parents are sick of hearing me talk about how much i hate myself. Fuck I just wish I wasn't such a piece of shit. Ready for the kicker? I'm about to be a dad and I hate that I passed my shit genetics on. Sorry unborn child dads a complete fuckin loser.",2.135249999999999,4.416880691666666,2.765000000000004,93.05,79.58333333333334,5.0,24.166666666666664,5.985473137389443,0.5021666666666662,473,17,96,3,12,147,84,120,0.334,0.606,0.06,-0.9916,3,1,0,0,0,3,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,9,6,0,7,0,7,5,2,1,0,12,19,7,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,8,0,0,6,1,15,1,14,12,3,17,0,2,0,2,7,4,4,1,10,62,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893702097077754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656526994564622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450435554121914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568403332625716,0.0,0.0,0.09570618287523287,0.0,0.13468568280615578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325222945184217,0.0,0.0,0.18980019332521225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891995788681266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342240636955973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379412928208194,0.0,0.0,0.16264275857827076,0.0,0.15803295344524673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698940849411164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457224627766401,0.13930306745442225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851115943489302,0.11919511170804588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684067758392089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535436436175835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187815768172953,0.10790457659372964,0.0,0.2673832053294937,0.09819599147593114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365286702497808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Rosalindlives,2019/04/15,"Rant I'm so tired. About this time last week I had a 3 or so day crisis, the worst I've had in a long time. I've burned myself which I haven't done in years and genuinely tought I was done for a moment. Then in a sane moment I remembered to pull down the blinds on a balcony so that I couldn't see it which helped I think. Eventually (with much help from a friend, an exboyfriend actually) I managed to talk myself down and promised to wait x more years. Even wrote an email to arrange a free meeting with a counsellor through my uni.
Funnily enough I had a cool week afterwards.
Except then all went to hell & here I am eating cereals at 4pm picking at scabs and feeling like a  total shit again. Who am I even kidding. The abbyss is always there no matter if I'm doing well or not atm and eventually it won't be my choice whether I fall into it or not.
And apparently my uni discontinued the free counselling program so. (Obviously I don't have money for therapy I hardly have money for rent).
I'm so tired. I'm tired of living in this country I'm tired of being an abject failure unable to get a job. I'm tired of having to deal with my dysfunctional family who I have to go visit this Easter, if nothing else then because abusive Dad still sends me money I'm unable to go without (cue back to being a failure). I'm tired of being a burden to everyone. At the same time I'm tired of being expected to assume responsibility for my life (which I for some reason refuse to do). I'm tired of always having to second guess whether my feelings and reactions are rational or irrational at any given moment. I'm tired of inconveniencing this exboyfriend who still continues to support me even though I broke up with him (which ofc makes me feel even guiltier and shittier). Most of all I'm tired of being hung up on someone from my past. It's been two years. I swear I haven't been happy before and I haven't been happy since but nobody believes.
I'm tired of nobody ackgnowledging that there could be something actually wrong with me as opposed to just youthful drama. I'm tired of acting like such a narcissistic special snowflake. 
I am terrified I'll have another crisis if so idk what am I going to do the last one was hellish
On the other hand crisis almost feels better than this nothingness so (I know I shouldn't be saying this but w/e)",3.939275053304904,5.29746510234542,5.260307036247337,81.21566311300641,71.75053304904051,7.91863539445629,26.61961620469083,8.418075326091056,1.7868659275053311,1859,62,363,30,35,621,231,469,0.19,0.728,0.08199999999999999,-0.9943,3,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,1,23,20,3,0,24,1,41,18,2,3,4,59,73,31,0,7,16,1,6,2,3,2,15,1,1,1,21,14,1,3,9,1,7,9,12,7,1,3,13,10,37,15,62,48,10,51,2,1,2,0,20,16,2,12,28,246,58,3,0.0,0.07099996626788127,0.11695407163687528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060005082191609035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972289118566964,0.06492746903466849,0.0,0.04075027450543794,0.06283538409368604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607774361352416,0.0,0.036529024227244335,0.0,0.05099078478834442,0.06751366126435561,0.0,0.05299777778366077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478443200896071,0.0,0.0,0.0386459274185158,0.06177886057229379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264581223566097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131706100680895,0.05005868941569745,0.0,0.0,0.061917358180064136,0.0,0.15831655740782286,0.0,0.0,0.05725980894423615,0.0,0.0,0.056490874952244786,0.0,0.12119720112600328,0.04280961212474014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629701971326697,0.0,0.03130773961088138,0.0,0.10216831878635188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601287928856517,0.0,0.0,0.12758011030916303,0.05368000150228739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033139024029498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946517710048325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03293258213247298,0.09769187526483958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232598910583831,0.05855153481954064,0.0,0.05291385952114877,0.05303072367640603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03999963679037622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044050926437563344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749855252877646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0406059532247211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720409763679427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161170056615905,0.0,0.0,0.06788204330727872,0.0,0.0,0.04765385259227088,0.0,0.0,0.04775155199193791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061510973355144875,0.04956962993761184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077328567450719,0.04613230918864871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957105318597804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800087756870325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04816452268036573,0.0,0.0,0.06852814762984381,0.0,0.0,0.03839678499596506,0.05887488072862124,0.0,0.10482624068012086,0.8264838380868111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853689651415697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613459968132476,0.0,0.053878739868971535,0.055550011522071514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776445532166068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551732559059982,0.0,0.11576698878619801
suicidewatch,UnknownSubject2018-2,2019/04/15,Overdose What’ll happen to me if I’ve taken 5 ibuprofen and 3 paracetamol in one go?,0.8633333333333333,3.1244908888888894,3.653333333333337,84.90000000000002,84.55555555555556,5.822222222222222,25.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.5048,68,3,13,1,2,24,18,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544187745980642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7070644506939263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5418149498285275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1ofthoseweaks,2019/04/15,Been chronically depressed for more than half of my pathetic life And I’m not even 21 yet. It’s obvioulsy never going to get any better. This sadness will last forever.,2.5874999999999986,5.490152750000004,4.861250000000002,74.45875000000002,84.0,8.200000000000001,26.75,8.841846274778883,2.962912500000001,136,6,23,4,4,47,32,32,0.255,0.67,0.075,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111423685066177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40465627054843817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940778714225728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30220034860814576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390453652973104,0.0,0.26003009042538355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729555422957829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231734917029438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528824633170634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lifelessmello,2019/04/15,"Why is everyone so mean and judgemental? Everytime i'm meeting with people i know they all seem to pick on me and make fun about how i look physically. I am ugly, 5,10 ft tall and 220ish pounds and everyone around me looks at me like im some fucking non human creature and they all gotta say how am i gonna die soon and things like that. I am really not motivated in anything i do anymore. Today i sat on a bench waiting for my tram and one old man randomly stared shaming me cause i am fat and made fun of my hair. I cant do this no more, i am done not being accepted in the world i was born in just cause im looking different from anyone. In school i get bullied daily about my physical appearance and not only my schoolmates, even teachers. Absolutely everyone. Fuck this world.",2.5257412398921844,4.410806987421385,4.349977538185087,84.10372641509436,76.61006289308177,8.064869721473496,26.45148247978437,8.841846274778883,2.0941029649595686,617,24,126,14,14,209,108,159,0.136,0.7929999999999999,0.071,-0.8898,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,9,8,2,1,2,0,12,4,2,8,2,33,29,12,1,0,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,4,11,1,1,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,4,6,22,5,15,22,4,16,0,0,4,2,6,11,2,4,6,79,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752451365082445,0.10401262004555983,0.0,0.12241229636763493,0.13242306179494362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056237394984877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438370785524766,0.15541681402889812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222752181175375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825095841696282,0.0,0.0,0.42642395966591895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750423159865589,0.07771809779097211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321360818932524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175159466929979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534789050484442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747489994612612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075512483893846,0.09929479810153273,0.0,0.0,0.16203728263667333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609284695706852,0.0,0.10079991346669023,0.1131345166251136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312765516583412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529595545653632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829556594994353,0.0,0.15054751723504226,0.0,0.1354205294115096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882589415128716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410018928338767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422781823621405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Saylzarphax,2019/04/15,"So fucking sick of not being able to live my life to its minimum potential. Before I say anything I know my problems don't compare to many of the problems most people deal with, but these are my problems. And they are driving me fucking insane.

I'm so sick of not being able to live my life the way I wish I could live it. I am 20 years old, stuck at home and forced to work around the schedules of those I live with. On top of this I am going to university and falling so very behind.

My bedroom is where I live and do all my work, however it is located right at the front of the house with only a wall seperating me from the living room and kitchen. This means that for me to be able to even concentrate I need to wait until everyone is asleep, otherwise everyone is so fucking loud with the tv blasting full fucking force. And when my mother's boyfriend is staying over every second week sometimes I don't get to do anything until 1 in the fucking morning. 

Sometimes I even have whole days without showering because I can't possibly have one, needing to cross the damn fucking living room.

I am just so absolutely fucking tired of this shit. By the time I am able to even fall asleep I get 3 hours at maximum! Fucking me up for the next day and so on. One vicoius fucking cycle.

Recently today I came back to my room completely different. My mother had gone through and ""cleaned"" my room, but at the sane time moving every little fucking thing imaginable. She often does this even though I tell her I am going to clean it (And to be fair the only thing disgusting in my room is the small bin I keep in there.) She claims it took two hours to clean. 

All I wanted to do when I came home was sleep while I had the house to myself, but I had to spent three hours finding everything and putting it back the way it was. By the time I was done they were back home. I still haven't been able to sleep and it is almost 12 am. Running on 3 hours.

My room is my safe space, the only place I can control my life and not even that is safe. I know I may sound ungrateful but I keep telling her I will do the cleaning, yer she never listens to me at all. If she fucking listened to a word I said I probably would be so better off. I wish I didn't have to worry about something as trivial as my room being the same way I left it.

I had this dream of how my life would turn out and every single fucking day I breath that dream becomes more and more fucking impossible. I'm turning into a bitter fucking old man and I'm only 20 fucking years old.

The reason I am posting here is because I feel like my best option is to just relieve myself of this shit. Every fucking day I think of just tripping onto train tracks, accidentally dying. Or taking a kitchen knife and slitting my throat. Just anything, I don't give a shit about physical pain. Just anything to end this fucking migraine. 

I wish I at least had someone to talk to. I've been to so many therapists that I could qualify as one myself. Hell, I even talk to myself and give myself rational advice. Everything a therapist has ever said or will say to me I have said to myself.

I am just lost. Sick and tired of watching my life fucking fade away. I just don't know. I am so mentally fucking unstable.

I'd tl;dr this but I just don't give a shit. Hopefully at least one person reads this.",3.4551566005302554,4.786267891530463,4.530021851236782,86.08823150656994,72.9078751857355,7.2397983859219766,27.757742621565708,7.724431198458867,1.5936577164000814,2613,98,530,33,51,854,276,673,0.14400000000000002,0.777,0.079,-0.9939,3,0,1,0,0,0,60.0,0,0,2,7,39,39,27,0,28,0,65,43,10,3,5,89,125,45,1,15,20,2,1,1,0,5,12,9,18,2,26,27,2,6,9,4,1,15,13,32,0,7,23,12,89,7,82,89,13,92,1,1,1,19,27,38,25,9,35,377,115,4,0.1924860310791488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03761902436418762,0.0,0.0,0.03854939111523702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671968216430446,0.034270675413773204,0.0,0.0,0.03616939249030738,0.08880592586774658,0.0,0.046935079182040526,0.04251713969350111,0.032758287036454385,0.0,0.04040044283463397,0.03404765045562175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806109627630712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040363588277298634,0.0,0.0431778902549406,0.06147377323432007,0.0,0.0,0.09931005285920627,0.03968892920186812,0.0,0.0,0.03995402212701296,0.04022138678287603,0.0,0.0,0.03368916458756726,0.039396007903306884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034097098131044445,0.0,0.0,0.15256224977853958,0.0348229270288682,0.12974222643090355,0.07357146060150797,0.06919761326520239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019465344174345936,0.02750241181269429,0.0,0.0,0.035185749045573374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6762108894055441,0.04022640266836044,0.11079008431699056,0.04375769892184287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584751011443267,0.03823641214299328,0.1516479738037389,0.08884121447844211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843617144881689,0.0,0.0,0.0634711732419006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182732719480418,0.0,0.13595857623942945,0.018807790388057504,0.03858431420721637,0.2379561687306377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202424820174957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806024945481699,0.0,0.041934743411764994,0.0,0.0,0.03879612922602111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040916437739893785,0.0,0.05709038122541804,0.029691418711130388,0.0,0.0409422155518173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118902598916645,0.0,0.10434681298949612,0.11711544031075835,0.04096374166849519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02668911553974342,0.03361427556119692,0.04022138678287603,0.0,0.0,0.04339981569682386,0.03686968194407316,0.0,0.04150649950162882,0.11050988156185428,0.0,0.03870032524661368,0.0,0.0,0.03850762410656612,0.0,0.0,0.03958153969051412,0.03801134680056882,0.0,0.0,0.03287640376315749,0.10985897664831716,0.061229047095087114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580673158433228,0.0,0.0,0.07705001687550901,0.0,0.03261855789851646,0.02963703014827208,0.07614944263693936,0.0,0.0,0.04103289960979965,0.03074391861283018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028945108037876567,0.061885192216060675,0.06729651013137028,0.0,0.0,0.08939644717697641,0.05115166640957386,0.02466745529404683,0.03782330964606069,0.0,0.06734409159234565,0.08849375075457078,0.036490850132434666,0.0,0.042771812601704234,0.0,0.08374781122354392,0.0376061766100196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03176422688165058,0.022706649654316208,0.09167187119002043,0.03088013671065645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298075592548136,0.13280966175943176,0.03710993301605242,0.0,0.0560528492492744,0.03909578161103448,0.0,0.05469462151383859,0.0,0.0,0.04958187724501847
suicidewatch,Gabe_Newell_pornhub,2019/04/15,"Sooo... I hope it won't be long until i reach the motivation to do it. Well what to say?
Lost my only real friend, got rejected by the only other person i like of all the humans i know, i probably will fail to reach the education required to study my dream job, wich i would fail anyway due to my vast lack of motivation for literally anything, and in the end im just a fat fuck crying somewhere in a room with noone giving a fuck (at least noone that i actually care for), whining on the internet about things im too pussy to tell anyone irl, while simultaneously searching the best way out.(yeah i know the statistics but i do indeed have no access to guns or Cyanide and know that if i tried jumping from somewhere i would just puss the fuck out and actually simultaneously show the idiots around me how i actually feel, further decreasing my self-worth and will to keep going. 
Fuck.",7.348927648578815,6.649020895348837,8.122635658914731,70.86629198966409,63.88372093023256,10.900258397932815,33.064599483204134,10.25414643259724,3.15758708010336,702,24,134,14,9,237,111,172,0.168,0.7170000000000001,0.115,-0.926,1,1,0,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,7,9,16,5,0,13,0,9,6,1,3,1,27,24,10,0,5,5,0,1,1,1,5,2,1,1,2,7,7,1,2,6,2,0,2,2,10,1,0,2,2,17,6,23,16,4,19,0,5,0,4,6,9,4,3,8,89,24,6,0.0,0.0,0.39187960113126624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359693761176716,0.0,0.11015409534935353,0.11916239632990215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047618037400572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647760660995664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703721711576032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855885161685925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768285215263521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341870311354508,0.4949999044099427,0.0,0.12840921844898615,0.07607483947213925,0.0,0.10705882724453852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295163993720646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891801832058345,0.0,0.13283385268073644,0.11897953698058128,0.0,0.0,0.22069530320186093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653964751278498,0.0,0.0,0.11846051218314314,0.0,0.0,0.1461223060013135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036107597262708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168800316423317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432204455159944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523602165733624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064496087216698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964355232889467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699818160967353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892960340056344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088109794517757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625060361526772,0.0,0.0,0.12035481845593506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901783985070414,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chloerattlehead,2019/04/15,"It’s creeping back Hi there, I haven’t visited this sub in quite some time because I felt like I was doing better. I guess I was wrong. I felt pretty ok for some months now, but now it’s just creeping back over me. I can no longer afford my antidepressants and it just seems like things are getting bad again. I can’t shake the feeling and I can’t get it off my back. I’m not sure what to do. I’m extremely apathetic and exhausted today. I’m trying to remain focused at work, but I feel like just walking out and running my car up a tree. I feel bad for this post, but I guess I just needed a place to vent. Sorry.",1.21444020356234,2.9436343053435152,3.0797137404580157,92.4263390585242,79.99236641221374,5.893384223918575,20.84033078880407,6.816661863887847,0.2550758269720097,478,13,109,5,12,160,80,131,0.198,0.6629999999999999,0.139,-0.8787,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,11,11,0,1,3,1,9,1,0,0,1,25,23,7,0,1,8,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,4,5,17,6,11,19,2,22,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,5,12,70,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841740752141654,0.2781058131885867,0.10152048111472264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728999781482208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262099991079845,0.11897532198511013,0.3198066488731728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401925483356426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669224353463549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244087274871082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292964775634614,0.0,0.0,0.12348637884572095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399755613329712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949809459110748,0.16942978864155028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771344687848282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161063051709894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864265048424918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696080850169902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064095073918162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711008905403028,0.0,0.1578592697100442,0.0,0.0,0.11306888478501215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124219928481132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208398817143515,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,girlofduty,2019/04/15,Scared of the unknown afterlife On top of being scared to do anything on your own and desperately searching for painless ways to die.... Anyone else isn’t committing suicide because you’re scared of what the after life might be like? Like... what if it’s worse?,4.98,7.212943666666668,4.823333333333334,81.855,70.66666666666666,7.3000000000000025,30.75,8.07648339933343,2.3201500000000004,208,9,36,3,4,64,39,48,0.31,0.564,0.126,-0.9254,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,0,5,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,4,5,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114501722788946,0.2361364744573369,0.18965132883324687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048804390506986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391841033438264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925221794240433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627827608762572,0.22518506224707294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444847156608975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6922006982181237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520890054223877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293072174087235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348613826659721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwingitallaway47,2019/04/15,"Very few reasons to live Hey y’all. I’m not gonna make this some sappy post about how much in my life has gone wrong or whatnot. I’m 18, and I literally wake up everyday with the thought of killing myself on my mind. I can’t shake it. My life hasn’t been great, and I don’t really have any meaningful friends, I feel like they’re just fake. Don’t hit me up for plans, hang out all the time without me or even asking if I’m free, and I just don’t feel like I can trust them. I don’t see how you can call someone your friend yet not even check up on them, text me once in a while at least yknow? Anyways, school isn’t going great either, I shitted on this semester completely, which only added to my depression. I tried seeing a therapist but idk, I felt like it didn’t help me at all. Last night I went out with a girl I have a crush on, we went under a bridge by the water and just talked for hours, it was dope. Even then, she would text another guy ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯. Guess I can’t find love either. I don’t know what I’ll do if I let myself be like this. I felt extremely bad two days ago and went to go see my best friend at his grave, I just wanted to vent and talk to him I guess. Well I drove far as fuck to his cemetery and there were people next to his grave sitting in chairs and under an umbrella and I didn’t want to intrude. I can’t even talk to my friend who literally never fucking moves from his grave. Fuck. Idk what the point of this post was, I guess I just hope you guys have better support than I have. Thanks for letting me post this, and if you read this far I just want to say that I hope you get better, I doubt I will.",2.5886685552407904,3.274574529745042,3.5553269121813083,94.72189688385271,74.24079320113313,7.0077733711048165,21.768725212464584,7.087006719466742,0.2454957280453253,1271,27,312,12,25,408,187,353,0.123,0.677,0.2,0.9838,0,0,0,0,1,1,43.0,1,6,2,4,17,35,5,2,10,0,29,9,2,4,3,59,67,21,4,9,17,0,4,4,4,3,2,1,0,3,14,15,1,0,9,1,2,10,16,14,1,1,14,8,56,22,40,46,9,46,0,4,3,4,32,20,4,12,16,196,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517663236110686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767193192033208,0.0889279406732682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928345950190294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081062646385973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900012136873234,0.1500104855421427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659782504889775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891893265282493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054693749235512935,0.0,0.07304447890229585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405791940044206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576232696715842,0.12117282967820847,0.1628567838577374,0.0,0.07751241609711333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620879099758212,0.2352091905512185,0.044308359865828366,0.0,0.09639598582622187,0.0,0.0,0.1870008890444399,0.2802746970222636,0.16794529477815434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056844604425740575,0.0,0.0,0.1684657435741746,0.08351819390383537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382680941744607,0.0,0.0466079224681364,0.06912934020470905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344259994524636,0.11980393220894163,0.16573042370514018,0.0,0.0748864772319136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654197865348022,0.0,0.05660958994287876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563128587924433,0.0,0.0,0.090136831908806,0.06234318814700725,0.0,0.06540868573438241,0.0,0.090193619117778,0.07958598850527462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031710026702414,0.0,0.06449984004181808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058794764502556114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017039370669997,0.0,0.24366610395438754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084830337952828,0.0,0.05432978428631387,0.08719611938008524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744223875292521,0.0,0.0858296041740243,0.2027415242467932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705356493286652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185702453123345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623841874100142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449489776762114,0.0,0.07807924851809601,0.0,0.0984679138450396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732759289102758,0.049451869869502584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05757864946007011,0.0,0.08284449495282498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997497674028813,0.1500647839467973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625202665228561,0.2358518946109471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175129554725627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602447350994812,0.09272356534823048,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,j00j00123,2019/04/15,"Need ideas Idk if this is allowed on this sub but are there any ways of commiting suicide as an ""accident"" so the 3 people around me wouldn't be hurt as much if I die or fail attempting? And also wouldn't hurt anyone in the process.

I don't need anyone to talk me out of it, won't change anything. I'm probably too much of a pussy to do it anyways but I'd like to hear some ideas.",1.3524268502581762,2.743831987951811,3.1089845094664383,93.89156626506028,78.51807228915663,6.670567986230638,22.70051635111876,7.447530270364453,0.6492010327022375,297,9,71,4,7,99,59,83,0.18600000000000005,0.701,0.112,-0.8390000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,17,12,10,2,6,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,4,1,12,8,3,5,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,4,1,46,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566961368910046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237554492067888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722217395666464,0.0,0.16018867829187028,0.17328876161744147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592457750081816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202645359138088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939608305132904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167753316946421,0.43949512336401103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510109344962188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861951465212845,0.2886759990392348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349528051229541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098765142755704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129265575883761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564604168447255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451212873079112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,psychotwilight,2019/04/15,"I dont think I'll ever get away from this I’m considering suicide again. 

I’ve been thinking about the way I’m living life, and I don’t think that I will ever be able to be happy. The things that used to fill me with joy have become little more than distractions- I feel nothing when people are kind to me, yet I’m suspicious and a bad friend to them in return. Nothing I ever do will improve the lives of other people.

What’s pushing me to the edge is that these feelings are nothing new. I always return to them, no matter how much I think things “are getting better.” It’s temporary. Temporary until I do something awful, and make people and myself hate everything about me again. How am I ever supposed to believe it’ll get better if it never does?

Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I’d rather just end it all than continue to be a parasite like I am right now.",3.5369580419580444,4.731378045454548,5.043409090909094,83.0173251748252,72.52272727272728,7.233566433566433,25.470279720279716,7.61054688173877,1.344653496503497,680,21,133,8,13,229,104,176,0.095,0.792,0.113,0.4484,0,0,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,2,16,11,1,1,6,1,18,1,0,4,6,26,33,10,1,2,4,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,1,2,18,7,19,26,3,23,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,17,98,32,0,0.12289919714129773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226197727097247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546784130842805,0.0,0.10261569611008953,0.0,0.13573250754302985,0.0,0.13846530945119245,0.0,0.21738870514831526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754991562142414,0.0,0.14403694374414178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088522102528651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446774397045067,0.0,0.0,0.11045387380462003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428305356467492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495161484672672,0.0,0.19262927408708447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082848065819624,0.0,0.12133751327765842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798060158466734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680733750195672,0.06004233984500487,0.12317728231314075,0.21704448538687085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820361684197221,0.0,0.1234687623032718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034505086171674,0.0,0.094787437330545,0.11869681043243625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353775282800255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556084865371653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495524284886364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461380627089147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344317743257148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329753122685445,0.3149953723042515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614544671863572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755166220400792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,godhatescoral,2019/04/15,"I usually have the courage to keep fighting but i just can’t anymore I’m 16, I’m supposed to be in grade 11 right now going into 12 in september but because of my depressed and stuff I’ve been basically dropped out for the best two years.
I go into school every now and then but there will be months at a time where I don’t go to school cause I don’t leave my bed. I have Fibromyalgia so it’s a lot harder for me to get out of bed on top of depression. 
Recently I’ve realized that I’m basically two years behind I school, I’ve usually had the “I’m gonna keep fighting, I’m gonna try getting back into a routine and back on track” mentality but... I’m two years behind? I feel like no matter what I do it always gets bad, it might be good and happy for short periods but i ways get depressed again.
I don’t have the energy to fight anymore, I don’t wanna try to get back on track anymore, I just wanna die, the only thing stopping is that I’m scared I might fail and be a cripple or vegetable for the rest of my life. There’s another post that i saw on here that’s like “I feel like i’m destined to die like people are destined to be doctors”  and that’s exactly how I feel, it’s so fucking scary, but i feel like it doesn’t matter anymore, I feel like the only choice I have is to die.",1.3655107526881736,2.8552368100358443,3.5774417562724032,90.11949596774193,78.74910394265233,6.657168458781363,23.81137992831541,7.492282038375204,0.9362627240143372,1006,34,229,14,24,346,124,279,0.205,0.6559999999999999,0.138,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,5,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,15,20,4,1,11,0,24,4,0,2,1,39,51,17,3,2,9,0,5,6,0,5,2,0,2,0,13,11,1,3,6,0,0,3,7,10,0,3,3,6,24,10,33,38,3,39,0,4,1,1,3,16,1,4,23,141,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311721210088773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214229654984178,0.0,0.0,0.3485848369511141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027062861613771,0.07337012071926176,0.05356644558748417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922170862615598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026957517517184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270541514417592,0.0,0.2735942910376569,0.0,0.0,0.08994153817357786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740366271201409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215564940513266,0.2511053943555269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123699114487441,0.22954956583299804,0.0,0.1498204182785725,0.07370353872621113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354223362780137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621077104868375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304461138753968,0.0,0.0,0.06206716002787059,0.2575812798444859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470631542520996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855511832121786,0.18643831680467146,0.0,0.0,0.07013923363362705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133662453972401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091993793353561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415785574900055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676379269340942,0.0,0.0,0.07504289431198834,0.0,0.0,0.0879760061332441,0.266795906236558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346559865621427,0.0,0.0,0.10059333696102872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058378786255164815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051239338547166106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931973130878948,0.0,0.2575168826694656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935589576077092,0.0,0.0,0.06974934151003599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976161386259325
suicidewatch,BB960228,2019/04/15,"I don’t want to kill myself, but I still want to die. I just give up. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel, it won’t get better, I can’t just get through this bit... that’s what people always say, they’ve been telling me things will get better for years. Well they haven’t yet and they never will, because I don’t fucking try to improve my own life, because I don’t care, because I deserve to suffer.

The voices came back strong. I’m starting to agree with them more and more. They’re right, he doesn’t care, no one does. There is no way to get better, no one wants to help, no one will. 

You can’t make it better, so why try. I’m not even good enough to kill myself, I can’t do anything, i just want it to take me. I give up on even trying. I’m just going to walk awayand let it take me.",-0.19287356321839155,1.6165446551724116,1.4719540229885089,101.7267816091954,85.20689655172413,3.866666666666666,15.988505747126435,3.1291,-1.2953425287356324,606,11,152,0,18,196,94,174,0.177,0.6,0.223,0.8218,0,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,1,3,5,13,13,3,0,3,0,16,2,0,1,1,16,38,4,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,16,4,1,3,2,3,20,9,18,31,5,16,0,1,0,1,10,5,1,0,7,95,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893045837744996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978407451497774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914231876449973,0.0,0.2174325113069868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206131119373109,0.1298029320769369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359846099867697,0.2424434731115008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123394605474754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404612481421044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530599293205016,0.12285068259542685,0.0,0.15705851893057113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991683818685548,0.2484716593063581,0.2281105133187057,0.06757096917275428,0.09972378131927807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969304904902537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630801850256932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157855406209846,0.08397930412433252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936357150407376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169942606025117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416997051095661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242706759353187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153598200669638,0.0,0.09455035698127168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415474295184372,0.0,0.0949499826555196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787890178067004,0.0,0.10391977922885842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898878961322582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421664209973905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805102391784937,0.09437359725357172,0.0,0.0,0.10690120129214037,0.0,0.1072845632812778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656470932885451
suicidewatch,Chau_Mane,2019/04/15,"Hey Fam! I think you are capable of anything and should keep living and here's why: Hello fellow beings of Earth! I just wanted to say I am moved by all the posts here and hope our community here \[& on Earth\] continues to be supportive and present. If you are contemplating suicide or are going through a rough patch at this very moment, there are just some things I feel you need to know so I will do my best to make it short and sweet:

In this life, there are things that make sense and things that sometimes do not, but what is undeniable is that truth will always be absolute as good is always good. Furthermore, there is senseful logic and comforting illogic (love). By seeing this, one realises that it is possible to mix up logic and our sense of good and bad because what does not make sense to us can only be because we are ignorant/unfamiliar to an idea. So, hear this illogically logical idea out: why is it that the human experience is like a simulation, a game with biological statistics and character attributes in a game without a stop button and a game we did not choose, where we spawn in our random life situation, cruel and full of suffering and decay to learn and accumulate lessons of what to do, how to act, and eventually figure out why to act. Race, religion, politics are all just opinions, someone's incorrect or assumed conceptualization like a joke gone too far without clarification. Eventually, we learn to laugh, enjoy, and eat but do not think why we are here and forget to question what we see. After all, the poor man just wants what the rich man dismisses; the starving child simply hoping enough food to eat and feed to their hungry kin; and the patient just seconds from death asking only for a couple more seconds to reach and dial his home phone. In this life, there is much to desire and much feeling to enjoy and have pride in. But like the seven sins, anything becomes an addiction if one relies on the feeling to make us content, even the thought of escape and death. So hear me this my fellow suffering friend, why is it that in your daily goings you find yourself reacting and projecting yourself a certain way? Perhaps a way we don't ""like"" or don't ""expect ourselves to be?"" Perhaps a way we curse ourselves over because the only thing on our mind is the pleasure of disappointment and self hate from this past self who didn't know any better? Why should you live you ask, taking full advantage of this human privilege to ""ask?"" You are a human, equipped with a biological supercomputer for a brain that gathers wisdom overtime and so if you choose to pay enough mind and attention then you may discover your greatest & purest intentions. Yet more than this, you are a human 'Being.' How you act and how you're seeing every single interaction or implication, like Pavlov's dogs tested in cages of stimulus and condition, shapes you into exactly who, what, and how you are at this very moment reading these words because we are our thoughts that are above our animal nature of competition, aggression, and anticipation. So like good readers who understand the diversity and nuance of connotation, understand that the connotation of being a human is being subject to a body with chemicals that tell it when to fear and when to 'be happy' according to what they feel like they accomplished that day or how they thought they could have done or been better back then. Rise above the frustrated and fearful self and check within for help. Yes, there is suffering in this world and that could feel like nothing matters, but there is also something that is undeniable: that doing a kind act for one other than myself 'feels' and gives me a 'sense' of 'good.' conversely, if everything happens for a reason, then you can know to not blame yourself because you didn't know better until you 'woke up' to knowing 'it'. Knowing this, as you learn to apply the logic of illogical love unto others in the unique situations life is testing you in, perhaps one day that illogical love could make one more confident, positive, and content enough to dare try being so for oneself. Be you, for you, so you can be you, for others who are there for you, so you can be the 'very bestest"" you. In this life, they tell us we only have 'family.' But in this life, I have seen friendships and bonds, some thought to never ever exist but still bore fruits so bountifully rich, that have many moments that last longer than infinity seconds. So like a joke from the universe, do not allow yourself to be the fool and learn to laugh along the way, because I know you are capable of making any damn thing memorable. After all, you're you & the only you! Lastly, always remember to thank and love all  because everyone is going through something, so you should strive to be good to yourself so that you one day you never feel like you're empty and without, but content 'full' and within. So like a therapist's patient who wouldn't really give out his therapist's card to tell his friend ""oh no actually my therapist said everything's gonna be okay, hah ask him yourself."" Be a light for yourself, because ""Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared""; The key there is being aware that the candle, like us, is already burning, but knowing we can at least act with intention to help others first by being our own light. And when we do reach our end, do not be afraid, because like when we rest our heads every night, we can rest well knowing we did a job well done and a life well lived. 

​

Also! I know it's easy nowadays to stress over so many people boasting and arrogant with ego and that it is tempting to follow, but please understand that everyone is just trying to figure it out too.",9.129467099165897,7.971107458758112,8.676920759962929,69.81137743280817,60.60333642261354,11.636422613531046,37.06139944392956,10.64471489884176,3.875271177015754,4624,176,808,90,52,1479,415,1079,0.096,0.7140000000000001,0.189,0.9989,1,0,2,0,0,1,135.0,28,33,6,9,54,76,5,4,53,3,99,21,3,17,12,213,166,98,3,18,36,1,8,13,4,9,9,4,1,11,66,74,5,2,49,6,5,12,20,18,3,12,15,21,86,58,125,116,26,87,1,4,4,4,122,37,1,19,46,603,152,13,0.0,0.0,0.0398948538319285,0.04456732406986141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511421214678118,0.06538650871806992,0.10205109010403744,0.17718216052247016,0.049676004062380985,0.055602211098833516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672846688666309,0.0,0.15287629545548406,0.0,0.0,0.03143567078321408,0.03413469316515228,0.2242911350746781,0.04515086554153864,0.0,0.0,0.04290304981461391,0.10847020040452507,0.0,0.045410593763494496,0.0,0.04563773997939876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792265271050496,0.04523506371841245,0.0,0.07909636341766606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035776041179282785,0.08367279024592958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366481481261384,0.0,0.0,0.03620924418174716,0.12672584646333834,0.0,0.027002120698155274,0.036980034578468345,0.06888955681015624,0.07812884754853452,0.07348406207132764,0.039990359578489884,0.038539833073190304,0.09200704524266687,0.14469787965746053,0.08761814929987806,0.0,0.0,0.03736533161890564,0.034774137826670465,0.04943457647043351,0.0,0.06317053552609589,0.0,0.0,0.07843532022446599,0.06970240688824783,0.20573887475788108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036151744303900835,0.08703912196316517,0.0,0.04036242935692782,0.04195664140927577,0.0,0.09215378362662792,0.0,0.054804574597498816,0.0,0.04100789618967325,0.08120993631766024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923014165525684,0.0,0.0,0.0405689945687282,0.03633772635621967,0.0,0.04257222561251709,0.22467632500427456,0.06664843779631058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310088567296101,0.2596469158993678,0.0,0.10829844545303574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759010538756753,0.0,0.16373398282740706,0.08289569459942145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255816435453456,0.0,0.0,0.04345100804405865,0.06010582604918972,0.030313423539378388,0.09459196434387757,0.0,0.0,0.038364909809962,0.0,0.03922730207812177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621587047976902,0.15546270093744727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03902641578641233,0.02834237382487276,0.0,0.0,0.044876068399989484,0.0,0.04608821894372106,0.03915357580534979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579710345243283,0.0,0.0408929803578823,0.0,0.026190002955117902,0.0420334196838422,0.0,0.0,0.046311242655405864,0.0,0.03888806505593311,0.03251094138218081,0.0,0.0,0.09773278486007546,0.0,0.12794626674583548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190597547973836,0.0,0.0,0.03463911571784133,0.06294579423364638,0.04043326138998364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032648351829746465,0.03417911329217357,0.04683009794741362,0.0,0.0,0.04471818193712068,0.0463923150870605,0.0,0.0,0.030738113864777174,0.0,0.10719779254649874,0.03763857663497932,0.0,0.14240117028601135,0.13580064586502094,0.05239096351552856,0.0,0.12982270258865578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551227634418597,0.0,0.0,0.1276785525332999,0.19670365060122674,0.0,0.0,0.10119558940016507,0.048226427875041895,0.12980065168634514,0.0,0.0,0.11027325966358537,0.0,0.2213374286090556,0.0,0.0,0.1182261277175756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049676004062380985,0.0
suicidewatch,AlecZamperin2,2019/04/15,"why is life so fkn shit why is life so shit, the question i ask myself every day when I'm thinking about my sister that passed away and my grandad dying with cancer not only that how shit my family is and how much i hate them always making fun of me due to my health and my dream job in photography saying how much better life would be without me. why can't i just swap with my grandad and fkn die already i hate myself i want to kill myself but when ever i get to it i think about the only person that makes me happy and she is going through this as well so if i kill myself i'm scared she will do the exact same thing and i don't want that for her she is the only thing holding me back.",3.1214093959731564,3.562461711409398,4.3968389261745,90.07794295302013,72.8255033557047,6.496912751677852,20.94026845637584,5.6839178017228535,-0.018015302013423273,541,9,122,2,10,179,84,149,0.184,0.72,0.096,-0.9478,1,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,1,1,14,12,7,1,4,0,11,8,3,5,2,28,24,17,4,4,5,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,8,1,0,0,1,28,4,14,21,3,10,0,0,0,0,10,2,3,2,6,89,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587066755622426,0.0,0.10244923626404834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510454981170047,0.0,0.11567928247427567,0.09467494545835116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889339033539842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940495309890774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555670578571509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137292984484133,0.10373748787848648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607058170766317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432733696652805,0.0,0.06997434661586642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106804975521047,0.0,0.2431194056132045,0.0,0.13087531635025826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218181614707012,0.0,0.2724374724845132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608988892995529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643727810652266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810209758900638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28092461268401003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075073428135092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379273342506431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791334256500693,0.1232688498226078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791558086914989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635965566523876,0.15778609107942804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524374110568514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107034841211799,0.0,0.33330144481350743,0.0,0.0,0.11868737980920666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746393201957206,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,finaldestination420,2019/04/15,"I want to kill myself before my birthday on the 20th. I'll be 18. My birthday is coming up soon and my life has been shit. I can't focus any of my will to live on studying, everyone and everything is slipping away and the school psychologist wanted to get me to the psychiatrist (family didn't sign the files)

I really want to end it before my family is going to spend a ton of money for my birthday. I'm not worth anything and I hate myself. The only solace I have are videogames and my long distance boyfriend that is a sweetheart, and amazing. I don't want to live through this anymore because I'm god awful ugly and fat. I feel like I can't advance from this shit state and I really want to just end it 

I wanted to end it at 12 y/o but people found me and I couldn't do it so I suck at killing myself as well. Isn't it great",1.1413569518716569,3.0566925340909137,3.3317379679144423,89.61540106951875,81.04545454545455,5.959358288770052,21.716577540106954,7.048011613610866,0.6082844919786097,650,20,140,8,17,222,99,176,0.174,0.7390000000000001,0.087,-0.9671,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,6,0,7,1,17,4,3,0,0,23,32,12,2,7,3,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,8,10,1,0,2,0,3,3,7,6,1,0,3,1,24,5,21,26,1,15,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,6,93,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176755944665617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338296633493684,0.0,0.0,0.11104863867898702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678572828763085,0.0,0.0,0.08226151708142858,0.0,0.22965734248841024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624358918491795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35856494577821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894619692667747,0.12128030344918787,0.0,0.2544291928478645,0.0,0.06823249348672898,0.09640508372578294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796076254856685,0.0,0.0,0.07050344790925507,0.0,0.07669263075794587,0.0,0.0,0.14877787712807014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332307317361715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985943776879108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531598912027488,0.0659275491693698,0.0,0.2383186767741185,0.11942251056061902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263212464451232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355421028887564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728990704214857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136572038443296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27703920881498256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47756607150634994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133220018375512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,llamalex133,2019/04/15,"I'm so tired of it I've been sick and I'm so tired of it, I cant eat so I might die soon. I'm so tired of medicine and pain, I just want it all to go away. Why wont it go away?!  I'd be happy to starve to death than deal with it, I'm so hungry, so cold, so tired. I just want it to end.",-4.4274324324324335,-3.192478878378377,-0.5850810810810785,112.43751351351357,101.29729729729729,2.9600000000000004,8.751351351351351,3.1291,-2.6440713513513514,209,1,72,0,10,76,37,74,0.35200000000000004,0.575,0.07200000000000001,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,9,13,9,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,11,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152547505284468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296562940100668,0.0,0.0,0.17412091289112594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167270409028934,0.0,0.0,0.1485962498254147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906974586454718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859648004394166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779796453178526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785213031138672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7713172214583047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791261835615825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138819096499165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilovehavingibs,2019/04/15,"It's entering my dreams now Idk if this is a good sub for this but idk where else to go.

Woke up in the middle of the night now... I just had a nightmare where I tried to hang myself but another person wouldn't let me. I nearly won b4 I woke up but they stopped me and I was so frustrated.

But I don't want to kill myself. It concerned me. I've been a bit suicidal this weekend though. Last month I had to be hospitalized for the same reason.

Self hate was a part of why I was suicidal in the dream. I've been kinda struggling with that.

I have a new therapist though and an appointment soon. Hope it works out.

Was scared by the dream though. Wish I could talk to someone, but it's nighttime and my sibling wouldn't be a good choice to talk to anyway. Oh but I have no friends. Well, I have my stuffed llamas to stare at me.

Idk how to end this post. Sorry of I did anything wrong with the post or this isn't a good subreddit choice for it.",-0.02994556113903002,2.170636497487436,1.6377198492462313,98.0893100921273,88.54773869346731,5.12571189279732,18.341917922948074,6.6274283507984215,-0.13632177554438796,729,20,172,9,24,236,109,199,0.203,0.622,0.175,-0.7458,0,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,1,2,13,13,3,2,14,0,21,0,0,2,0,26,29,16,3,7,9,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,11,6,0,1,1,4,0,3,5,6,1,0,12,1,23,7,25,11,3,25,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,4,10,121,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128164992470102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108756246900227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709598908507202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757512792007323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255400656377246,0.0,0.11933543363831114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409611441117976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657314349426174,0.33902858773100825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302315800429584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382249733747414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906458354153726,0.0,0.0,0.10982720580712987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777591442000106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754438540451083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012813714608396,0.0,0.12643989821180526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590513816768755,0.0,0.0,0.11764561708789165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580782368043593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385302697867691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489348285960087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055824297131714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141607340459206,0.0,0.0,0.1508250734489717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264469607875945,0.0,0.1408545299985881,0.0,0.29475697455586586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659016906690712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643800168255076,0.0,0.0,0.397130076075818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147638565074777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947033711070918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114316438652856,0.0,0.12157759995795588,0.0,0.15493887990611968,0.0,0.0,0.0980888614936826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731183697855205,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yohanesyuen,2019/04/15,Planning to kill myself tonight Got myself into multiple debts. Facing bankruptcy round the corner. Left with less than $100 to survive till the next payday. Contemplating suicide to get out of all this shit. If I don't get back by 1600 UTC. I am most probably gone.,2.801266666666667,5.6968876600000025,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,82.4,6.533333333333335,24.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.7217333333333331,213,8,37,4,6,68,44,50,0.238,0.762,0.0,-0.9377,1,0,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,1,6,6,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,10,4,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,4,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525395729222944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34317840113046605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626725360247204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633550704263934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35683616525730005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492851246890836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540991286972576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371249050611842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592450959975117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rae-rae984,2019/04/15,"I give up I'm done, I can't do it anymore. This is it",-5.4339999999999975,-4.458162066666665,-0.07833333333333138,108.9825,103.0,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.8083333333333331,39,1,14,0,2,16,12,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5773094737770679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5957138128212329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584253080773057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1113727,2019/04/15,"i'm going to be another statistic it's honestly no surprise i ended up here. i'm failing the most important year of my high school career, i'm horribly shy and socially awkward, and i have a horrible family history of suicide and depression. maybe i should seek some professional help, but i'm too ashamed to even try to talk to my mom. 

i guess i have some hesitations. there's this girl that's really special to me. she gets it. she doesn't give me that ""thoughts and prayers"" bullshit, and she genuinely checks up on me often. ofc, being shy and awkward i can't tell her how much i appreciate her. oh! and also my pet cat. if i died, i'm not sure he'd be properly taken care of.

idk what i'm saying at this point. i'm pushing myself through high school with the false hope that college is going to be somehow better. it's not. i'm gonna get a shitty basket-weaving degree, which i'm never going to find a job, and i'll blast my brains in when i rack up all that student debt. so why should i put up with all this shittiness now, you know? isn't earth going to be uninhabitable soon anyways? 

i'm tired of having to try. and i can't bear the shame of being a ""once-was"". i was supposed to be the pride of my family, the oldest sibling and the brightest. my brightest is nothing compared to my peers. i can't even compete anymore. and the only way i see getting out of this is killing myself.",2.0371678321678317,3.9392245349650383,4.048251748251752,85.63083916083919,78.12587412587413,6.917482517482518,26.034965034965033,7.882392219407189,1.5823818181818177,1091,43,223,18,26,372,160,286,0.189,0.6709999999999999,0.14,-0.9132,2,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,1,0,4,15,15,1,4,11,0,22,2,1,1,4,35,48,17,3,4,4,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,13,14,0,0,3,0,2,6,9,7,0,0,3,2,33,8,29,34,6,25,0,2,1,0,15,11,0,8,7,144,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726593835591823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064991855827666,0.0,0.0,0.13302367849412075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186295466568263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973654655400642,0.0,0.0,0.1367573120707202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552836972225028,0.0,0.13920865224524642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880183329746467,0.0,0.0,0.17718687668589034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528969011941605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259493392936988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023652946636506,0.12867238806709946,0.30492300739577266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776238308483586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990637725811211,0.2834372999455955,0.0,0.13322411906863044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331060904118336,0.0,0.14839805131250136,0.0,0.07371586983442217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347544095110508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709469468398635,0.0,0.0,0.09860302925215182,0.0,0.10345147151608608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870402317161667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201402596552647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679883577942658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484049495460768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592889565760313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666777298755327,0.0,0.2714990754440009,0.10688646207180988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367314808496171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467194943145915,0.0,0.12641856087780928,0.0,0.0,0.10781085036881984,0.11723796475878133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648644717457634,0.0,0.15416590269070313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213471032707304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646836002805088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103397392167325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637711473861437
suicidewatch,DesolateHobo,2019/04/15,"I've been genuinely contemplating suicide for a few months now I've been depressed for almost six months already after a yearlong remission, I've got no one to talk to, no one to have my back. I'm constantly ostracized for being ""too smart"", and I've really wanted to just end it. What's kept me alive for the past few days is just... Religion, the notion that the only friend I have will be distressed by it, and the hope that things will get better one day? My only friend has just started ignoring me almost daily, and I don't know what to do... I'm just feeling so down and I really wanna just go... I've talked with my parents about my feelings, they keep claiming I'm just bullshitting them and joking. I really feel so lost and suicidal again.",4.7463513513513504,5.640002013513513,5.729297297297298,80.34678378378379,69.4054054054054,9.163243243243244,27.63783783783784,9.3871,2.3147627027027027,590,19,114,12,10,195,88,148,0.16,0.727,0.113,-0.862,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,2,2,13,10,0,1,6,0,12,0,0,0,0,25,28,8,2,3,6,1,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,4,1,0,1,3,4,0,4,5,3,12,6,15,19,2,14,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,3,12,78,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031379698815369,0.0,0.16703372127284755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638942190865716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386898391598506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357049881397298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523426273177089,0.0,0.13036942232382673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406340291339786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296022613593627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388659851561336,0.0,0.07908134011813334,0.0,0.08602353781803311,0.0,0.12105946115860867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033841024792882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345391034675724,0.0,0.0,0.08318558800333457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652314721080111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416342880230677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30770409212191424,0.23023798684302074,0.0,0.0,0.16807159130079052,0.0,0.14449387779480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29090258560920074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713607931797704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311348677978159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433209836962944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055938539407257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927829311809868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayyourcatsdad,2019/04/15,"Waste of space I'm a waste of space.  I don't want to talk, so if you reply I will not respond.  I don't want fake words of encouragement from strangers who don't know me.  I'm posting here because where the fuck else can I post?  I'm a waste of space.  I'm 32, unemployed, live with my mother, hate my life, my ""friends"" are pretenders who say nice things to feel better about themselves (much like you all), I'm a terrible son/brother/friend/etc., and I just kinda want it all to end.  I would kill myself, but I don't have life insurance and I know my mother and brother would feel obligated to give me a grave they can't afford.  Is there a way to just disappear and make everyone forget you exist?",3.465208333333333,4.2347973263888905,4.448222222222224,88.819,72.2638888888889,7.704444444444445,25.511111111111113,7.908726449838941,1.1667077777777777,541,16,121,7,10,176,86,144,0.187,0.7440000000000001,0.069,-0.8983,3,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,3,1,1,7,11,3,0,6,0,12,3,0,1,2,25,28,7,2,6,5,3,2,1,1,3,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,0,3,19,5,12,25,3,9,0,1,0,1,15,4,1,2,2,69,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140800131196578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551187207358992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633310952326093,0.0,0.16575224629088178,0.0,0.2087127748030439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882218027372518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924921465885103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891708567649841,0.17300974358048796,0.0,0.17952363836281754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847639596697322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070448718467846,0.0,0.20569667442333114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26436782775573103,0.09142811780074186,0.0,0.16524979563736233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491872384656635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757088704773782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35846056921168823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882281265191644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041763352605927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432881496723724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311435628461529,0.14854459181087715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26588058435665585,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RegeneratingBlob,2019/04/15,"I’m crying and repeatedly saying “I just want to die” and it scares me how much I mean it I am feeling too overwhelmed. Too alone. I don’t think I want to live anymore. I’ve felt this coming for a while. I’m too tired trying to make my mum happy which usually means I’m not happy. 

I’m turning 21 next year, yet I don’t see anything positive about my future, any possibility of it being good. I just want this pain to end. 

My boyfriend is nice. That’s the only good thing, I guess. And my dog. He’s named after a Queen member. But I guess he’s not my dog but my mums. 

I just want to apply for this job. But she’s not letting me. It means moving away and she’ll threaten suicide, I know she will. She’ll guilt me and blackmail me and call me the worst things, where it hurts. And I won’t be supported or strong enough to move away. 

I just want her support. I want a normal mother that I can feel free to speak to about anything.

Instead I’m crying and I cant stop and my eyes hurt and I just. Want. This. All. To. End. 

I’m so tired of this responsibility for another persons happiness. I’m tired of her telling me I won’t be anything without her, and me believing it. 

I just want to die.",-0.8633047870004411,1.2774625454545472,1.516050724637683,96.71050120772944,95.4822134387352,4.234036012296881,17.30445761967501,5.985473137389443,-0.4317342116820382,916,26,213,9,36,308,125,253,0.202,0.628,0.17,-0.9674,1,1,0,0,0,4,34.0,0,0,0,2,16,17,0,3,5,0,15,5,1,2,1,50,46,18,3,9,14,3,3,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,16,12,0,1,8,0,1,3,9,7,0,0,1,7,40,11,22,36,4,17,0,3,2,0,18,3,0,3,11,133,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091508801535428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969438257286454,0.09204648318874116,0.0,0.0,0.08705559101436873,0.0,0.0,0.21670991235260975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494708619946566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889961167921504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963465461132636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561592927052872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928475579757618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822065309381633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549658419284196,0.09070168267476583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876985711851584,0.0,0.08428393879382727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725379749229994,0.0,0.0,0.1934022834845974,0.0,0.0,0.2803348936631264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18794367276841345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710952440641091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048242378260931376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976245957796426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751261094549823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058594786177985386,0.0,0.0,0.2868591339271106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865955361198265,0.06452945133172322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933565466938994,0.0,0.08600716366557493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676173311939025,0.09340563060129653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766473588132724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989603729548858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980731644726226,0.08788452505279075,0.0,0.06995043463264003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338920609605369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601863694853836,0.1992266530786193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672483896803772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663616316983084,0.056246795903455736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30267552194317004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959782886493763,0.09548098879880497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667884350934852,0.0,0.4142060941538068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461816605981894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652836291110652
suicidewatch,KansanLesbian,2019/04/15,Would it be better to run away to commit suicide? To the point of no body being found. Do you think this would be easier on family or worse? Im planning to shoot myself in the head but I don't want my family to see me like that. Thoughts?,-0.09470588235294032,2.047210803921569,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.01960784313727,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.2455647058823529,185,3,42,3,6,63,41,51,0.173,0.6759999999999999,0.151,0.204,0,0,0,1,0,2,5.0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,7,2,2,0,1,9,12,2,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,5,2,9,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259814235221493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127250691204676,0.0,0.26716936986698475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534916663089529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263723560985451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468483346734517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980858290082803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750850519091237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737413962814976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166751178813185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630956237207837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411889109034652,0.0,0.19095020990962613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186804530035085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451158147769899,0.3417245239055265,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,survivor2017,2019/04/15,"I'm replacable and I know it If someone comes up to me for advice, all I need to do is ask ""Why"" a few times and they open up. If that doesn't work, I take up the contrary position and get them to argue their side. It's just forcing them to do introspection, and it's a cheap hack. Everything else I do is useless. I don't do any homework and I've mentally checked out of school. My room is a mess, and everything's on the floor or on a chair because I don't have the motivation to clean it up. If I were gone, I wouldn't make a noticable dent in amythong. A year or two from now, nobody'll remember me. My school had some stupid guest speaker come up and talk about depression amd everything, and he had everyone raise their hands if they'd be sad if someone around them left them: But I don't know if anyone would be sad if I left, because all I do is demand attention. If I were to leave and never come back, or if I just died, they might just seem sad, but that wouldn't last more than a week or two, and I'd be little more than a bad memory.",3.684599615631008,3.75173901345292,4.962053171044205,87.857634529148,71.42152466367713,8.88263933376041,27.139333760409993,8.841846274778883,1.6270015374759756,812,25,193,14,14,271,116,223,0.132,0.8590000000000001,0.009000000000000001,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,9,2,7,9,2,0,11,0,26,1,1,2,3,50,39,25,1,13,18,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,6,16,0,0,6,0,2,4,7,9,0,2,5,2,26,0,22,26,6,28,0,5,0,0,14,17,0,16,7,129,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164234575589268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161110273173574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419615142734764,0.0,0.0,0.11992528191142332,0.125940729077529,0.0,0.0,0.1035878397153334,0.11248174561657487,0.16424253489264587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481362080980975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603019073382548,0.0,0.139813333388568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253744408680093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872635346026867,0.3632205892457507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038324488852576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807213946775766,0.10981104458264253,0.0,0.14264417458343812,0.2927373881532705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350202382296702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992358652077972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576145431416622,0.14291176788605167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988977427823442,0.10390083405976218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533743944445468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260630556570565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726783869932644,0.0,0.12263985552167316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828787027357755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128922758271276,0.10827914876272024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855364264803255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631947737893054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806058111712696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155970964679742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980744275827162,0.0,0.0,0.09569796662731596,0.0,0.0,0.08675231133490748
suicidewatch,Wumboing12,2019/04/15,"Sometimes I just want to do it so bad... But other times I'm AFRAID that I'll actually do it. It seems like everyday I have these episodes. Sometimes I have panic attacks for no reason and in that moment, the only thing I can think about is death. But other times, I couldn't even imagine wanting to kill myself. Everything I used to enjoy just becomes meaningless and the only thing I think about is ending it. I can't get any professional help because I don't have the money, and parents won't even take me seriously either. My friends have their own problems. I have nobody to turn to. So I made this post as a last effort to try and make things better. I really don't want to live anymore, but I'm terrified of dying.",3.726496212121212,5.172634465277781,5.002954545454545,82.51022727272729,72.4027777777778,7.4585858585858595,26.285353535353536,8.00094639256281,1.6022027777777783,569,19,110,8,11,189,89,144,0.154,0.7609999999999999,0.085,-0.8922,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,1,2,8,11,2,2,4,0,15,0,0,4,0,23,29,10,3,5,6,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,5,0,1,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,16,4,13,26,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,77,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.14921529469163822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398208688233287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164277840380616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739539265232284,0.0,0.0,0.1276710605659746,0.09321076279908956,0.16887390378082626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523392421162198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869345249877007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543032552275708,0.0,0.0,0.20198742495704275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742306242436167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813566373830416,0.0,0.07988766063094123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249042123912892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916907625384067,0.0,0.0,0.12463971328746523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470269654118472,0.0,0.13501979078137055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468441669071674,0.1020666917824965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325855142286442,0.0,0.17940356287339915,0.16978526448189304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644275616698635,0.0,0.0,0.14631146591892116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795621824775803,0.15721398883788398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920090176661226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024581084601909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496712678583948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047540940106917,0.19595342028529916,0.0,0.0,0.17832274585036398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381389926377074,0.16631904117225152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320626597151244,0.0,0.0,0.27056574806423683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idungotsick,2019/04/15,"Out of hope My wife has left me to split up for a while. I have a new job offer that’s ideal that I’m going to have to turn down because I can barely work.

My wife was a seriously unhelpful woman who started to make some basic improvements in the last few weeks before she left. Things that I had asked her to do for years.  Her mother would shit all over me repeatedly and was verbally abusive.  She would tell my wife to leave me and twisted words to make it sound like I was evil. Her family would join in and gang up on me ....Yet my wife was a nice person who was kind and gentle...even if she wouldn’t put in much work. She never said a mean word or was ever intentionally unkind.

Our marriage was also a dead bedroom, sex maybe 25 times in 8 years. 

Yet I would take her back if she tried to change...if she comes back. I feel so much pain, no hope.  All I do feels as ash and dust. I don’t want to keep living, it’s pointless, I have a few methods I could use, but my soul aches to take back the woman I married. The hole is so wide and just wants to be filled.

I feel like throwing myself into the Tinder scene to obliviate my sorrows in the arms of good women, or drown existence in the throes of passion...but all feels void and lost.  What hope is there in this world? I see nothing to hope for but an end to pain—the wiping away an impossible existence mired in sorrow.",2.902041292041293,3.901393846153848,4.038211788211791,90.36761072261076,73.82517482517483,6.846220446220447,21.66100566100566,7.07126945348624,0.3776642024642021,1064,23,240,10,21,347,162,286,0.116,0.778,0.106,-0.4536,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,4,11,18,2,0,15,0,25,4,2,4,5,48,51,18,2,15,7,5,4,2,0,5,1,2,1,4,10,10,0,1,5,0,0,5,4,8,0,0,10,7,35,10,37,34,8,42,1,3,1,1,27,20,1,9,19,157,45,3,0.0,0.12754382401439204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608508584084665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063520193485297,0.0,0.10113768717676068,0.2483211724460574,0.0,0.06562047395739057,0.0,0.09159947565133417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927281636353946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594718930673075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534309002665743,0.0,0.0,0.07109967862661602,0.09737266948480357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147979769657353,0.0,0.2177177723314589,0.07690287646562251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117814207576441,0.0902890063081002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276701402840602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682281248518988,0.09568139831793428,0.0,0.1120975494223513,0.0,0.08774648778989101,0.0,0.11398239012256133,0.2339170686597379,0.0,0.0,0.10518155212384,0.0,0.09505407314173156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175091693786692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437101143452018,0.0,0.10814565264604688,0.1172588940263058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826552897293844,0.0,0.08302382790214799,0.10396592459305608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328998238031677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229087513237505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399301045193956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821473956135126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239673241949007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578054136948204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049786602661536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619294030687457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187395366492774,0.0,0.0940880247239175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151573305091934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276969927446235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308509305665692,0.117088777970697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297224979543564,0.0,0.0,0.12698571203184825,0.0,0.08634774851291492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673626628532467,0.0,0.0,0.3058767173045721,0.0,0.0,0.1386419855347869
suicidewatch,Theyogithatcould,2019/04/15,"I just want to tell YOU.. I love you SO much, and even if you don't love you, I'll love you twice as hard to make up for that.",0.4499999999999993,-0.07010777419354852,2.254999999999999,106.50250000000004,78.35483870967742,6.2,15.5,3.1291,-1.5534000000000003,93,0,31,0,2,31,22,31,0.038,0.59,0.373,0.926,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,5,6,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,5,6,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,1,0,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022232120702752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742692869392412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8289944755145664,0.0,0.20437167573211876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507108503953085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26760715300751625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058772606391427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wally-Boi,2019/04/15,We're all meant to do something We're all meant to do something and maybe I'm meant to die young. I can't see myself growing old in any way. I feel like my purpose is to just kill myself and that just becomes more and more evident with every day that passes.,3.000454545454545,3.9632020909090926,3.932500000000001,91.35875,73.54545454545455,6.2272727272727275,24.65909090909091,5.985473137389443,0.5152727272727273,205,6,45,1,4,66,37,55,0.17600000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.043,-0.8233,0,1,2,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,12,10,3,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,5,1,6,7,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197464786580333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32069609649981284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872676908931721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30136314502733896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465324965137245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146822197794559,0.2074437785853585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32125663698458057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186243488431774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29172046422092235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30469945260907466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23139107987381544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470893361554573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304859597909948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unethicalbacon,2019/04/15,"Let me explain to you why suicide is the best thing ever for ANYBODY Suicide is awesome. Because suicide by definition is the intentional taking of own's life. You take your own life. Your actions do it. Nature doesn't kill you, you don't die just randomly, no you fucking do it. Isn't that awesome? I think it is...because death is fucking great, and your own actions cause it. I love death. And today death is going to become reality for me. I'm really depressed and i have anxiety, but i haven't told anyone. Because i just don't see the point in it really. What good would that do me? I get help...and i kill myself some other time. Because that's just the way my brain is. So fuck it Reddit. Let's go out with a bang shall we. I had this eternal struggle for a very long time and i made up my mind. And i'm happy because it's going to be over soon Reddit. But Reddit i need to ask you something first. Do you want to watch it? My suicide. Because if you do, then yeah i can livestream it. I don't care. I know some people find it fucked up and not cool, but a lot of people want to see it right? So i'm down Reddit...i'm down

​

I'm going to kill myself in a isolated place so i don't know when people will find my body, if ever even. That's the way i prefer. I don't want to hurt people that are close to me. Okay that sounded wrong, i know i'm going to hurt them if i disappear but it's not going to much of a mind fuck like a suicide would be. At least that's what i think. Anyway Reddit if you want to see it, tell me and i'll make a post before i go live okay?",-0.40098640189942,1.7119403539823068,2.010445355780991,95.37542628966114,89.41297935103245,4.369263975825599,18.002805957263114,5.805643229342017,-0.3882051802287938,1216,33,277,9,41,413,145,339,0.183,0.655,0.161,-0.922,0,0,1,0,0,7,52.0,1,12,1,2,12,23,8,1,12,4,31,10,2,4,2,52,71,20,12,12,13,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,25,11,0,0,9,0,0,10,11,13,0,1,3,6,45,10,29,60,9,37,0,3,4,6,19,13,5,8,12,183,70,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002242387330917,0.08974253935475514,0.0,0.0,0.05649926980823359,0.0,0.0,0.051641496042304766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904494041073928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701298329214182,0.0815676180933257,0.06284560686921,0.0,0.07750681056374939,0.0,0.0,0.08203683196469796,0.0,0.082447184580711,0.0,0.0,0.07530062373242892,0.07586996235087767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361165020834479,0.0,0.07665036833713956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048780873686479466,0.13361309030939536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500521254093772,0.06282146664854096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413911856624881,0.03858646035192603,0.0,0.2938165537499249,0.06194650520325156,0.0,0.08142597032183442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862057320848337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950379751217972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812772100054706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451305671772004,0.0,0.12176718509881353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510445438826468,0.10433267433467737,0.036082075948935255,0.0,0.06521577628589173,0.06535981013022038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627893210717404,0.06665748932061642,0.06988387773637715,0.0492991323642813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491460404975264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054292304317551984,0.05476293144561024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048084701170237,0.0,0.07716329790620996,0.0,0.06981733757533308,0.0,0.07073317155660483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462747317394306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307220960221616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655985937478302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056857586704595474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772098241082433,0.0,0.4039297522125215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110603175624466,0.0,0.06455297883371351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906632502340075,0.09464726871391814,0.0,0.0,0.08613149400367645,0.0,0.07000639621950341,0.07057211331915211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06093853786942911,0.17424759431456438,0.11724614642521194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664311831753111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492968321859404,0.0807494158852415,0.08974253935475514,0.0
suicidewatch,Catdogderp,2019/04/15,Just want to die I miss my fiance so much. I feel lost without him. I just want to die and be with him. I want out of this fucking misery. I'm tired. Tired of trying. Tired of living. Tired of being overwhelmed. Tired of being frustrated. Tired of feeling alone. I just want out. I'm not sure how much more I can take. I try to take it day by day and enjoy my children. But it's hard. I didn't picture my life like this. I don't like it. I don't want it .,-2.2864235294117634,-0.6039541600000007,0.2741176470588229,103.57441176470587,105.6,2.7529411764705887,12.882352941176471,4.514644488427479,-1.6022705882352937,344,7,86,1,17,115,52,100,0.35700000000000004,0.4970000000000001,0.146,-0.9817,0,2,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,20,21,5,2,5,6,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,3,15,4,14,16,3,4,0,3,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765690149827165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652714882579113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23580085914136398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488067121757566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502276326766012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017646372399624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024010444550184,0.11099991680327503,0.0,0.10031221252679327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240094651702506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702035855240738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706807653696028,0.0,0.17082839173421585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7834093294875581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425593338453508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350255626134888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950779949069724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Drezan,2019/04/15,"Everything has fallen to pieces and I think I'm just done being only okay. I lost my job and have been struggling to get another one in the same industry with similar pay. The constant job applications were draining on my soul because the rejection letters just piled up. The interviews were exhausting and nothing was working out. Nearly six months of this with absolutely nothing to show for it. I interviewed at places I never thought I'd step foot in, and I felt lucky to do so but those rejection letters still killed me inside.

I made a plan to move across the country with my boyfriend since my lease was going to be ending soon. It would be a fresh start in a new place and things could be different. I was getting excited and holding on to a glimmer of hope for the first time in a long time. 

Two days ago I was dumped and now my plan to move has collapsed along with my relationship. I'm tempted to relapse on an old habit just to feel something different. I can't keep up with the constant failure.

Losing my relationship is entirely my own fault, and it will be the greatest failure in my life. 

I'm proud that he is moving on in his life without me. He'll be happy. He'll be living out his dreams and that is really great. There's still a part of me that doesn't think it's fair though. 

I think I'm done working really hard to keep being only okay. I'm tired of fighting for happiness when I've forgotten what it feels like to actually be happy. The only hope I had has faded away. 

It's not that I feel alone. I have good friends. My parents are great. It's just that I'm not interested in this life. I had really big goals and dreams and I ended up just being average. I tried as hard as I could for a long time, and I admit defeat. 

I think this is it for me. The world just isn't for me.",2.5882581967213127,4.45699698907104,3.959149590163936,87.04888831967216,76.37704918032787,7.3072404371584705,25.09870218579235,8.17850203761792,1.49527349726776,1422,50,295,25,32,468,178,366,0.155,0.66,0.185,0.9609,5,1,1,0,2,0,31.0,0,0,0,10,14,27,3,1,18,2,39,6,1,1,1,52,67,18,1,5,10,1,6,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,19,20,0,3,10,3,1,6,7,11,0,4,15,6,36,16,51,36,5,53,1,5,0,0,15,24,0,3,24,202,55,8,0.0,0.0,0.08360861833491058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594769578418366,0.0,0.0,0.08873577238118027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898400470045725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049657881573392,0.0,0.0,0.05222804477034403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851732985633976,0.0,0.13681259461526962,0.0,0.0,0.05525472607342005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902894178349996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753551075575098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517691925751285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700117069364279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299629468694161,0.061207830922141764,0.08226357771259364,0.0,0.0,0.07287700889253074,0.0,0.0,0.06619401611375637,0.0,0.08952563396620122,0.0,0.048692344791265066,0.07186199640666006,0.0,0.1889188992172341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736150165789027,0.1534999404469501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019364450338256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004286304281427,0.15230771902937074,0.09478916192744252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154908602678385,0.04185756732651188,0.0,0.07565456462374091,0.1516433066016238,0.0,0.09585090606544933,0.0935268185234413,0.0,0.0,0.08106986753001527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838674834961629,0.27318401238873896,0.0,0.0,0.06607956235571136,0.08274760355681328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441922768159625,0.0,0.08990384143861578,0.0,0.05805710904759132,0.1954841847435096,0.0,0.0,0.09513442577246696,0.0927800919523515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902894178349996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466108414555758,0.0,0.0,0.1839705645005088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07087309082020557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595851820939425,0.0,0.0,0.060642785056925226,0.0,0.13684389464851435,0.0,0.0,0.08956844432822335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692014522773368,0.21959404043548084,0.08417744441828638,0.06801815114844874,0.14987724712517525,0.09847337336705546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816921582563385,0.0,0.0836942052664575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258979325333657,0.0,0.12474808911014487,0.0,0.0,0.060862646679306014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,altaccnt24601,2019/04/15,"I feel something again PREFACE: I started writing this in a very negative headspace, but I feel the tone had changed by the end of my rambling (initially with the title “I feel lost”)

I’m not sure if it’s still an appropriate post for this sub,  but I took a while to get it all out even if I don’t expect anyone to read it

-

Basically this is my first time talking about how I feel to anyone. I don’t post anything online normally so this is feels very unnatural, but I just need to put it out there even if nobody will see.

I’ve been having intrusive thoughts since I was about 10 years old. I’m not sure what caused them to start, but I vividly remember the incredible amount of anxiety and helplessness I would feel on a daily basis. When I was younger I was a very cheerful and outspoken, so there were multiple people that noticed the sudden change in my personality. I assume my parents thought it to be “just a phase” as I was probably beginning to go through puberty at the time, until my dad found the self-harm marks on my arm. 

Shortly after that incident, my parents put me in therapy. I barely even remember it, I can picture the room I went to but I don’t recall ever having a conversation. I don’t know if my parents stopped having me go was because they couldn’t see any signs of mental issues or they just didn’t want to pay for therapy that I wasn’t even attempting to participate in. Regardless, I continued to live my life despite not being fond of mine personally.

I was still considering suicide often throughout the next year or two of my life when the most unexpected thing happened to me. One day I was going to my kitchen to get some food when my mother tells my my cousin had run away from home.  

Immediately I thought this was very unusual, and him just finishing high school some people assumed he was just looking for some freedom, my first thought was that he had gone to kill himself. That is exactly what I had planned to do, wait until I had finished my legal obligation to stay with my family until I was 18 and then just leave and do it. I feel like I had distanced myself enough from everyone to minimize the  emotional damage and be able to stop my thoughts. 

Regarding my cousin, I managed to convince myself otherwise. He was a very friendly and open guy. He lived in a small town and put on magic shows and performed in theatre. He was a genuine entertainer and was always a shining example of happiness, and maybe he just needed a break from being so animated all the time. 

Being from a small town, many people became aware of his absence. About a week after he had gone missing a handful of relatives had gone visit my grandmother who lived in the same area as my cousin. My uncle got a call saying someone had found him, and I can remember the look on everyone’s face when they heard. I can still remember the sound of my grandmother crying.

I think about my cousin every single day of my life, an absolutely amazing individual who took his life and left so many people behind with anguish. I loved who he was, and hated what he did. After seeing the sorrow of losing a loved one first hand, as well as experiencing it myself, I could not bring myself to suicide no matter how awful I felt because It’s impossible for me to know how much others care about me. I had dreams where I killed myself only for my sister to walk in and find my body, and I cry just thinking about it now. Part of me felt guilty about his suicide, but at the same time I envy him. If I had done it myself before he might have come to the same realization as me and pushed through the pain. It’s obviously too late to change any of it now, and I can’t escape the thought of ending my life.

I felt miserable so many days of my life, mostly keeping to myself. I had a few “friends” I would talk to in school, but they were mostly disposable relationships and within the last year or two I haven’t spoken to them. 

I was content with my life for a period. I definitely wasn’t happy but I felt adjusted to my thoughts and lived one day at a time. Every day became the same as the last and I didn’t mind at the time, it was just me making it another day by myself, a simple accomplishment. 

I thought I was content with being alone until I met someone absolutely fascinating. When I had first met them she was my coworker, and just another person, but being stuck in a room working with them completely changed my perspective. 

Every conversation we had was fascinating to me, I came to find one of the most vivacious people I had ever met, and got reminded what true happiness felt like. Being around her even for a moment filled me with joy, and it improved my life in almost every aspect. I found myself being friendly again, goofing off with my sisters and wanting to talk to people again just because of one person. The craziest thing is I can’t even remember what she looks like, but the way she makes me feel is always so fresh.

I did leave my job, and I thought I was done seeing her for good. I never tried to contact her outside of work related issues because I thought it would be pointless. Even if she makes me feel the way I do, how could I possibly tell her? It’s impossible that I’m anything more than a face to her and being the reserved person I am I kept it to myself. 

I thought I was a stranger until we had run across each other at school. She actually took time out of her day to talk to me, and it made me feel ecstatic, as silly as that sounds. After initially meeting outside of work she messaged me a few times to hang out in between classes, and I was more than happy to. Usually there were other people there to talk to, so I felt more of an afterthought, but I felt acknowledged and it was amazing.

Ive always thought very lowly of myself, generally lacking personality an unpleasant to be around. I don’t even consider how awful I must be with her, I just know how she makes me feel. I messaged her to meet a few times and she agreed, twice in the same week even! It had been just us talking for hours about goofy things. Im not taking her social interaction as romantic, its just refreshing to feel wanted, and the idea of being able to see her again has me excited to face another day, even if my mental illness seeps through on occasion. She probably doesn’t even think about me unless I’m in front of her and I’m okay with that, that’s how I assume everyone thinks about me anyway.",6.797847879833933,6.267640714512293,7.381777650790693,75.16799418062232,64.93180015860429,10.52629099220973,33.61152446704296,9.987195323819016,3.157868302467696,5075,190,974,98,68,1682,446,1261,0.098,0.78,0.122,0.9886,4,1,1,0,0,3,108.0,3,0,8,13,77,40,3,2,61,3,104,21,7,13,11,215,204,90,5,23,41,11,21,3,3,6,10,4,4,7,51,55,2,5,55,4,1,24,22,12,1,12,94,36,186,28,166,87,27,151,0,7,10,2,100,46,0,23,78,733,237,13,0.06806542358772845,0.0,0.033211017433115005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03407884484652167,0.03524762568958501,0.0,0.0,0.08495382754858292,0.0,0.0,0.0462868221024846,0.10705879704801556,0.02603493137067761,0.0,0.0,0.047592926772465786,0.0,0.05601204406275248,0.060592657700881625,0.0,0.0,0.03197485301870124,0.0,0.0,0.08298410091731659,0.0,0.028959331108913355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037802670677302655,0.0,0.0,0.03475120382682451,0.038924355874309716,0.0346986178351868,0.0349609697542169,0.14400838600545324,0.029316167748169617,0.0356826508164287,0.0,0.0,0.054344702200875984,0.0,0.07476667170505527,0.1755862692083378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965456014056069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03828222009032063,0.0602857624106649,0.035164888800368686,0.0,0.2472611368666787,0.06156907245414212,0.11469611002061762,0.0975591436765819,0.0,0.0,0.032083011845470216,0.0,0.2064955398186245,0.024312976105593957,0.2287371825480599,0.0,0.06221056405006569,0.11579282906496813,0.041152490190208106,0.11194533562071912,0.07888076613044329,0.0,0.03556137452783038,0.0,0.0580247231898123,0.028545023981618792,0.05443813713788436,0.0,0.0,0.03369773529125172,0.030095014644557425,0.1449138181610913,0.0,0.03360025708235573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035957428535753885,0.03413758478695432,0.0,0.0335153657492161,0.0,0.0,0.03841878913935574,0.03676116878003824,0.07104261827336575,0.033772215121833184,0.030249837951037733,0.07530430646832482,0.0,0.05611046510881133,0.05548240479506861,0.03839038126406403,0.07207145570808758,0.036976640942404264,0.0,0.1923064864549269,0.049879991771426914,0.0,0.1202060320886642,0.0,0.08573671964806928,0.038073899266797516,0.03715072515615103,0.0,0.0614317022394871,0.03220257477590023,0.09086839756296973,0.10351148434092963,0.03419043330430667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685939378179488,0.03610332906844113,0.03436333727622385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025017959022497357,0.05046964913644999,0.026248125385559717,0.0,0.03619417508547202,0.0,0.03334483172908633,0.0,0.03874646794460942,0.0357116061093329,0.0,0.11530723142513205,0.025883410891961268,0.03621320483326288,0.0,0.11336789684154627,0.0368541104092012,0.0,0.1651579806787695,0.17829630741308453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03836676903867104,0.06518786077614784,0.0,0.07338603883054047,0.0,0.0,0.1026368257527144,0.0,0.0,0.034041921529005606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653839607976905,0.19276214090888355,0.0,0.0,0.027064178391511443,0.0,0.1033287637654758,0.13559832534830066,0.0,0.03550354065964936,0.0,0.0,0.028152210880224293,0.0,0.0,0.03469206383338827,0.057671612525234124,0.02620004422677999,0.0,0.0,0.04817705714620678,0.036274342575868826,0.0815357028012779,0.056905741887257215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167878890953684,0.0,0.0641508562102335,0.0,0.0255883638457447,0.16412522762218487,0.05949218032066032,0.0,0.07783874383305317,0.0,0.06782946446554466,0.08722715014734031,0.0,0.32421806008237725,0.17860273137738622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134347850865413,0.0231059773421601,0.0,0.06649002855234179,0.0,0.04093716195073796,0.0,0.03748222393563508,0.16848330854309435,0.060220125519537086,0.05402716505925489,0.054597977159015834,0.0,0.030599495067061864,0.03154866479206138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432865854072307,0.0,0.0,0.0725275860364729,0.0,0.0,0.06574785176688823
suicidewatch,lostnsufficient,2019/04/15,"I just fucking hate my life. I am 13, athletic, smart, and attractive to some. The thing is, nobody knows what's going on in my household. Mom says I will be a failure when I grow up, my parents clearly has a favorite (my youngest brother), and I get bullied. I am Asian, and you know those stereotypes, people identify me as a overachiever and just a smart kid overall. And I try to act like one, but i'm not. I have trouble sleeping, and all I think of is my future. Right now I have only one C, rest is Bs and As but I am always so paranoid. I think I am diagnosed with PTSD because I always bring up about the stuff my mom told me. I love my mom dearly but I don't think she loves me as much. She always throws stuff at me and hit me whenever I mess something up, or she says something in Tagalog. My mom and dad always told me they want me to be perfect. It's just whenever my parents tell me to not do this or that, I mess up something else that they already told me not to do in the pass. The cycle keeps happening and happening. Till the point that I have to talk in a subreddit about suicide. I am not sure yet if I have depression but I have suicidal thoughts everyday. Sometimes my thoughts would be so aggressive that I would just stop what I would be doing and just cry half an hour.  At night, I would always become paranoid and I would stress out so much I would only get a little bit of sleep. I would stress out about my future, my homework, my grades, my sleep, if I did the laundry, if I left something at school or somewhere, if I needed something from the store for school and ect. Some of my friends would bully me. My friends and I always meet up at my best friends house. Sometimes I would get byllied by them. I don't know if I could consider some of them friends because they would act nice to me and then just straight up just rip me apart. There are only 2 kids that would try to bully me. Whenever I tell them to leave they would say something like, ""Finally,"" or ""About time!"" Whenever I get to the place where we always meet up at, the 2 kids would be like, ""Why did you invite this kid?"" I always want to hangout with my real friends but the kids that bully me are always there. After I get older and older, my suicidal thoughts has gotten worse. It started when I was 7 or 8. I thought of it once, after until I was 10. That was when my mom threw me on the floor because I dropped a toy on my brother's head on accident. After 2 years, my thoughts are worse then before. I kept on thinking of stabbing myself and making a big circle in my stomach, I thought of jumping out of the window falling flat. I thought of getting my friend's gun and shoot myself in the head or chest. I thought of drowning myself and getting run over by a car. I thought of so many ways to die I don't know which one to choose. When I was putting the dishes away, then I held a knife in my hand and tried to stab myself but I couldn't because I was a pussy. I tild my dad about me wanting to commit suicide but he just took some of my electronics away and told me not to because I am never going to be perfect. That didn't help much because my parents told me they always wanted me to be perfect and he didn't help me after he talked to me ever again. He didn't even get a therapist for me. That's why I am here. I am here to talk to people right? About my suicidal thoughts? I feel like i'm going crazier and crazier every single day. I can't handle the stress fron school and my oarents putting so much pressure on my back. What kind of a fucking world is this? Full of people who don't give a shit about others. People just want to bring m e down, including God. I don't believe in a God anymore. No many how times I prayed or went to Church, no hope or sign. My dad and mom don't even know what they are going to do for me when I told my dad about my suicidal thoughts. I really need somebody to help me, I am so close to losing my own life and I don't get help now or as soon as possible. I'll be the urn of nobody.",2.6604245071684574,3.847546476702512,3.805809251792116,91.07038054435483,74.67502986857825,6.521572580645162,25.981350806451612,6.839637549500072,0.9254259408602148,3119,108,687,27,64,1014,297,837,0.177,0.7070000000000001,0.116,-0.9963,4,0,6,2,1,3,93.0,1,2,9,5,43,38,5,4,32,0,70,17,9,2,9,134,140,69,9,28,35,15,2,4,6,14,3,3,2,5,26,33,1,4,22,2,1,20,20,14,0,4,33,5,143,24,101,82,15,105,2,2,0,4,69,47,3,19,40,483,169,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430171200410516,0.0,0.32435780096987804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038659232182190285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324891634023145,0.029974412924530725,0.0,0.1425767804649492,0.04305206963691429,0.033170435848840336,0.04391886846192539,0.04090874152911792,0.0,0.04255776663571439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03112360315400478,0.0,0.04281941247359322,0.025139880893691173,0.0,0.033574759917045824,0.03956546214849303,0.040456704173585316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03256409080253984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051493904566319,0.03526105213604425,0.03284364498304522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019710247654042917,0.027848433762918276,0.0,0.042702392825093916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070233616907774,0.07207564689092134,0.18329630253407808,0.03739466373231245,0.0886164739544915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894252832586648,0.0,0.0,0.03848621944557907,0.0800126520729209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451407004910226,0.0,0.0,0.03871748405731824,0.03838898368728615,0.04497948568419998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03464860101288312,0.0,0.040593295381731315,0.10711622771606773,0.0,0.0,0.04127584282086274,0.042353578253335786,0.0,0.05506765633051591,0.07617768338512261,0.03906976325586575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04361039377583556,0.0,0.0,0.07036475844543184,0.0,0.026020493538969264,0.07904236549377686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27392838681634885,0.0,0.0,0.114623725486428,0.05780866459580709,0.03006498167998245,0.0,0.0,0.036581552733089294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041514088449110434,0.07924474032587378,0.08894169730426407,0.0,0.0,0.12985322538554878,0.0,0.0,0.10809961996952652,0.0,0.040727432681327023,0.0,0.03685017350535018,0.043945851039798575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556735679613635,0.07837446777931385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044369548648928565,0.02497258507652306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658007732533879,0.0,0.092999101715532,0.0,0.11835425745616615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04001401045592354,0.0,0.0,0.11702913399029315,0.0,0.0,0.1800594529602991,0.07710751783518582,0.0,0.02759134831954568,0.0,0.0,0.03259032906531728,0.1339597334682809,0.0,0.08924911831671191,0.2558369935595501,0.0,0.03673965832578888,0.0,0.0,0.09399570234449177,0.06814320204470192,0.0,0.0,0.04526059486715902,0.02589761588131709,0.0999112368085384,0.0,0.34041704194313616,0.045460921434962984,0.0,0.0,0.2234913026562156,0.04330994671560856,0.07939775987266982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496166830433115,0.030941747341345405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036136296023755336,0.07034958817467872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945107845781678,0.3599879569156305,0.0,0.0,0.025102846137692474
suicidewatch,uhhhwhatlol,2019/04/15,"Should I stay alive I’m 14, and I want to die. The thing is, I shouldn’t want to. I’m not ugly, not fat, not dumb, and I have tons of musical talent. School and my friends make me want to blow my brains out and at this point idk what to do. I want to live for the slim, slim chance I become a teacher or singer, but I don’t know if it’s wirth all of this crap I’m going through now. In the end I’ll just kill myself before 40 anyways so it doesn’t really matter",-1.2204285714285703,0.585291647619048,1.0834523809523835,102.8794642857143,89.66666666666666,4.261904761904762,13.511904761904766,5.46131890053228,-1.353238095238095,353,5,94,2,12,118,70,105,0.151,0.7040000000000001,0.145,-0.8195,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,4,0,7,3,3,1,1,22,17,8,2,7,7,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,0,0,11,2,12,15,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,2,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589168104624426,0.1994882830038636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617087829979516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24330818227297835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207641246747941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811251387703053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332357246947069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593693677465354,0.0,0.12884022655780858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070118164840337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564882536562624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161836746663605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018609166866465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23726235930615355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498782271710263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557492626747669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531071325272922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StevenC21,2019/04/15,"I have lost my love of life My friend has been pushing me away.

She no longer trusts me.

My grades are dropping.

I don't want to go into public.

I have developed a desire to lynch myself and I know how to do it. I have everything I need. But I'm too scared to fail and lose my brain function. It's my only gift.

I have lost my desire to fight to get better.

I saw a therapist two times but I forgot to schedule a third appointment. I don't think I will.

I would be more verbose but it would waste your time.

My mind is a hellstorm I can't control. I often lose myself in miserable waking nightmares where I accidentally kill someone I love. And it takes me a moment longer than it should to remember that it's not real. I audibly spring back and gasp when it happens.

I physically cannot control my body. It has periodic spasms that get worse when I'm excited.

As a result, I am physically incapable of human intimacy.

I wish my friend still trusted me. I tried to do everything right. I really did. I tried so very hard to balance out my sad things with happy things. But now she doesn't want to talk about anything of value with me. I don't know why.

Maybe I should ask. But that would only enflame the issue most likely.

f(x) = (-x)/(x-5).

suicide is x=5.

I'll never quite reach it...",0.27706896551724114,2.691412942528736,2.4283045977011497,90.56590517241379,91.98850574712644,5.352107279693487,19.510536398467433,6.937597516519254,0.5076214559386973,1002,32,208,16,36,336,149,261,0.204,0.644,0.152,-0.9159,0,0,0,0,1,1,44.0,0,1,0,9,12,20,2,2,7,0,27,6,3,4,1,39,48,14,3,11,6,0,1,1,2,6,1,1,0,1,14,8,0,3,4,0,0,2,9,10,0,2,6,3,45,10,23,35,2,21,0,7,1,2,12,6,0,2,13,142,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770693053479436,0.0,0.11099908665741802,0.0,0.11155332018443667,0.09129815018093762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050094621805321,0.0,0.13188531072920148,0.0,0.13254500809897202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663377339162449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341866636661186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346524492015576,0.0,0.12406591506711688,0.0,0.06747855385835698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049949722250823,0.12639321240209153,0.10636121594787347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392613561592193,0.0,0.0,0.1313601880486329,0.0,0.1305048204875248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386444749450273,0.0580068206476785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656631367840808,0.2592216286970413,0.0,0.2143218717968272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192829987806108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198862231997866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803882423512177,0.09157401079104367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060320221065845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262868869352188,0.0,0.1351438550676374,0.07606323528214151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345010518839258,0.10139711349830192,0.0,0.0,0.11887218851038875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006018675647618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482012167222226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987434938063405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927224601816686,0.09543288104443023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785786556902688,0.15776151679859732,0.07607914728701871,0.0,0.0,0.1384680341524332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122347690647928,0.0,0.1159846370495215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796694740420137,0.14006329577598267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713783256589812,0.0,0.1365367944347496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099880840606615,0.2530330013588775,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burner504,2019/04/15,"Considering suicide I dont want to die, I'm not depressed, I'm not emotional. I feel dead inside. Nothing makes me feel anything, I don't enjoy anything, I don't like being with my friends anymore, my old hobbies are boring now, there is nothing that makes me feel like living is worth it. I want to die not because I'm sad or hopeless, but because nothing makes life feel worth living",5.133947368421055,5.9268013421052625,5.70905263157895,81.20436842105265,68.47368421052633,7.132631578947367,34.93684210526314,6.742157984588678,2.3260452631578943,306,15,56,2,5,99,44,76,0.188,0.611,0.202,0.4726,0,0,0,0,0,4,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,0,15,19,2,4,2,5,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,6,4,0,0,0,4,9,4,3,18,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957574727057433,0.0,0.0,0.2648242408608433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961738934605492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858830351164944,0.0,0.33399053401679185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858090780696388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099785579202973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254361062795204,0.11495144567511685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243157571944884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365283159231365,0.15722131642751933,0.0,0.2841663050103152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222184818308195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631816133827879,0.0,0.16884402517483846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600530378842666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981333142552007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Unban_PrimeTime,2019/04/15,I wish I had the balls to do it. Im too much of a wuss to actually go through with it. Evertime ive ever tried i chicken out at the last second. Fuck this world.,-1.1474324324324314,0.5471028378378371,2.368851351351349,94.55435810810816,88.18918918918921,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.2916000000000003,123,4,32,2,4,45,30,37,0.099,0.8240000000000001,0.077,-0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,7,5,1,6,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.3661515513518728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33939958990689584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468762772970002,0.0,0.0,0.21324090673123372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052919789472571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058468267248977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758230616148215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25474345874442594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.431473826611005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,suck_my_meme_69420,2019/04/15,"Whatever is on the other side has to be better. If its something like reincarnation, atleast I get another try and if it's something like heaven, that would be even better",6.881875000000001,7.7068484375,7.243750000000002,71.62625000000001,64.625,10.15,34.75,10.125756701596842,3.695825000000001,138,6,23,3,2,45,27,32,0.0,0.639,0.361,0.9201,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451746762776748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822671748973827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742075440791453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719833345660668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216421347367363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5068387858150613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22349209413166768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338405317604377,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TacticalFridge,2019/04/15,"My name is Dom I’m fucking done, my best friend of 11 years died on saturday in a car crash. He kept me alive for a long time. I’m planning on shooting myself or poison. I have very few to turn to, I tried my mom, but she just told me to pray. She doesn’t care about me. Nobody does, I’m through with my life. I have nothing to live for.",0.003942857142856582,1.507607946666667,1.804571428571432,101.208,82.86666666666667,4.819047619047621,18.714285714285715,5.288315135182226,-0.7091714285714286,256,6,67,1,7,84,54,75,0.08199999999999999,0.741,0.177,0.8167,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,6,13,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,13,3,13,10,2,8,1,0,0,1,7,3,1,1,4,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27251807589515065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647610054394884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695067793908377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272476653163908,0.265742737417611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062807736542296,0.2400699199660237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341962116539334,0.0,0.0,0.22930214444602826,0.229808575117536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041340070520928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24916990589434146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142146121824068,0.0,0.0,0.2481353108675707,0.0,0.1763056333203196,0.2824572055866832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142631462609528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722536732318474
suicidewatch,Marakamii,2019/04/15,"I'm better off I already decided that I'm kill myself (in October), now I just need a way on how to do it. Any recommendations?",0.16555555555555654,2.253401851851855,4.527407407407409,78.63333333333334,86.03703703703705,8.044444444444443,23.814814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.157948148148148,98,4,21,3,3,38,23,27,0.17,0.725,0.105,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.500246322057501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30827094475194955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009218398011724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015278354491903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361286369184051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598217474988851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,l_amitie,2019/04/15,"Hit by a sudden bout of hopelessness Y’all, I just hit with a gut sinking sadness from out of nowhere and to be honest, I’m despairing. 

I feel like I’ve been treading water since junior high and I’m now in my 30s and exhausted from scraping by. In junior high I realized I was gay and started getting bullied for it even though I didn’t come out til college. I grew up in the South, where my family is, but felt very alone because there weren’t many other openly LGBT people around and the area is very hostile. I did well in college and in grad school but struggled a lot emotionally from the loneliness. 

When I reached full-fledged adulthood and independence I had a hard time because I was expected to keep up with coupled straight peers who all had dual incomes and were splitting bills and emotionally supporting each other and I was all alone. My memory of my adult life involves sitting in my apartment by myself. I’ve never been in a relationship but I’ve had my hard broken, which sucks because when you have so many obstacles placed in your path you start to feel like you’ve earned happiness via your suffering, especially since others find happiness who don’t have those obstacles. 

I graduated into a recession, I accumulated a ton of debt and despite graduating at the top of my class in undergrad and having gotten into two top 10 grad programs I’ve not been able to find a full time job. The last position I had had me working away from my home from 7:30am to 9pm. I got so out of shape my clothes won’t fit, my blood pressure is high and I haven’t slept regularly since high school. I’ve lost my ability to feel joy and I have lost all hope my life will change. I got so worn out and alone that I moved home to be with my family for a bit but this place isn’t safe for LGBT people so I feel anxious about venturing outside of the house. I miss my independence and privacy and feel the longer I wait, the more opportunities I’m missing out on. But I don’t know where I belong because I’ve lost the ability to imagine a happy future for myself or feel passionate about anything. And social media causes surplus anxiety because I’m bombarded with everyone’s achievements, so I feel even worse about my sorrowful stasis than before.

What should I do? Feeling extra trapped, tired and unhappy.",5.759648229576484,6.601463067114098,6.313101905423127,77.25442953020134,67.09843400447427,9.655450127285352,32.639743886446034,9.753983421225431,3.1081369898943145,1849,77,344,39,29,602,226,447,0.208,0.6559999999999999,0.136,-0.987,4,5,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,5,0,9,20,28,2,2,19,0,32,11,3,3,4,70,67,34,0,3,8,0,11,2,0,3,5,0,2,1,11,34,1,3,14,0,2,3,9,15,1,1,24,11,49,13,58,36,10,56,0,10,0,2,11,40,1,3,14,222,60,17,0.07895922227064234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453338242506538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060403588916146125,0.08920144631675614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649767121669871,0.0702904481481172,0.0,0.0,0.07418478850192395,0.0,0.0,0.2406640451158944,0.0,0.06718848253080056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620302046026779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111287159074132,0.08352838754309237,0.06801637845881252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736687761405583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776369948674056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430364325519688,0.0,0.0,0.07544892060273194,0.0,0.0,0.14887145513187436,0.0,0.3193932419136939,0.11281696833389095,0.07581323583937838,0.0,0.14433459737689114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04125293471469346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630180622411874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521606810436127,0.14146390796535482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336990139642301,0.1584050757578474,0.0784243237886976,0.0,0.09110834123220964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835484449574606,0.07018258471126372,0.0,0.0,0.04339392359788896,0.06436230469758511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154246758275108,0.07715097523412713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25857995532835576,0.06712830716599122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601045164848941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392115739294145,0.0,0.0,0.06089821989676876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948076565841436,0.0,0.16499116331806438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847726550546406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982189673916114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594765381309312,0.0,0.0,0.08048898353558999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177548784809467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254532300243345,0.0,0.0,0.08960198972360768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757703498303757,0.0,0.09208351495851368,0.09075201062927801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713168693468965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029925530398925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099382344269031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748325421282615,0.0,0.08046619316886236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yeetlul,2019/04/15,"An interesting title I honestly don't know how I came across with this  r/ but I want to let something out off my chest.. Anyways, I'm a high school student with average grades but honestly I don't see the point keeping my grades A's and B's when I don't see myself living in the next few years. I'm quite not optimistic about my future.",1.4200201207243452,3.4765073802816886,3.3234607645875265,89.30056338028173,80.83098591549296,6.874044265593561,22.818913480885314,7.957251820313856,1.1563786720321942,268,9,58,5,7,90,50,71,0.044,0.813,0.14300000000000002,0.664,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,1,0,12,12,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,9,3,8,10,1,11,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,4,35,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122417341396649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28844176323588233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24265685705308726,0.0,0.0,0.1500348435268668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791631976459398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410659025072328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29034088658873297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580752764402929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903713939460481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762927534696775,0.4350947400635821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101703948633621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610237429322822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580443564214254
suicidewatch,isithellatight,2019/04/15,"I called the suicide hotline today. I called the suicide hotline today after failing to get a shift manager position at work that I applied for. As stupid of a reason as it was it was honestly just a final kick to my stomach. I’ve had a rough couple of months. I got into the peace corps, which was a life dream of mine. About a month after celebrating getting in and getting ready to depart my offer was taken away due to my bipolar diagnosis and my previous hospitalization (four years ago). 

I was so sad for about a month. I got a job at a local restaurant that was just opening up. I was working really hard and starting to feel at home and better now. Although I’m one of the older staff at the restaurant where the others are high school or young college. Out of the 15 staff, 5 got chosen. I did not. 

I don’t know why but I couldn’t stop crying. I cried in front of my boss and it was sooo embarrassing. 

I drove home thinking of how much of a failure I am and how I can’t accomplish even the simplistic of things and how my crush is in love with someone else and paying rent and everything just crashed over me.

I got home and called the hotline. The woman on the other side was soothing and helpful and gave my great advice. She helped a lot and I don’t think I’ll hurt myself.

Yet I can stop crying still. I’m a complete mess. I know this is shallow to be sad about... but I’m so low right now. So low.",2.567061707035755,4.183213069204154,4.050194636678204,87.4722239042676,75.74740484429066,6.477566320645906,24.84443483275664,7.1686216300943375,1.0112386389850059,1103,37,229,12,24,366,159,289,0.191,0.7020000000000001,0.108,-0.9774,2,0,0,0,0,4,29.0,0,0,0,5,19,13,1,1,23,0,21,4,1,5,0,38,41,25,2,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,10,17,0,2,6,1,2,3,5,9,0,2,18,3,29,4,38,21,2,44,0,6,0,1,10,21,0,2,20,159,39,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309458622428704,0.09352047961706926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912188356277164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330726925956744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231856713187065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061603808994606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673511032357756,0.3476644594483338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813274456823664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968257098722039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481770763406044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334459458438076,0.0,0.0,0.11557144653990985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536012330774855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337515902737666,0.11631548449955655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450838437931842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143050845911992,0.11146784763805144,0.3174790235052195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294125454257753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469369704390263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115961439779267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451864261738066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896933775918332,0.09521898400727397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526302387085652,0.0,0.07755554715938145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149036751213653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758679292179426,0.10847284121484073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009747859734288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677288268436318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939085440455502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746743174401818,0.0,0.0842534228856876,0.17640751368279334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308024560060375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009033291408248,0.13520186340434745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000567047970344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519845529659347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361231179476054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793933661481012
suicidewatch,blivs17,2019/04/15,"I feel like I’m in the middle of a huge circle of people that I know and love but there’s so many and they’re too far away for me to grab and they’re all linking arms and I’m alone in the middle I’ve (20F) struggled with suicidal thoughts for at least the past 7 years. I’ve never attempted it but I’ve definitely thought through the different ways to do it. My ideation comes and goes but after 2 years into high school I decided I would never and that lasted until this week. 

This week, especially today, I don’t understand why I wouldn’t. I don’t want to go into it. Nothing particularly horrific happened but I genuinely feel like my life is not valuable to anyone. 
Not even God. I know this isn’t true but it’s how it feels and you can’t convince me otherwise. 

It’s so annoying when people try to cheer me up. Stop. I’m sad. I have the right to be sad. Please just love me. 

My number one love language is platonic touch. I barely receive it in the way I need to : me not asking for hugs, ppl playing w my hair, gentle touches, etc.  

If ppl truly loved me, they would show up. They would notice. They would care. 

I don’t care anymore. Or maybe I care too much. I don’t know. All I know is that I want to die.",0.10066793168880396,2.346230560784313,2.240809614168249,93.6481593927894,88.49019607843138,5.329538266919672,19.20619860847565,6.828538100315305,0.2052175838077166,943,28,211,13,31,316,136,255,0.14,0.609,0.251,0.9856,1,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,1,3,1,9,19,1,1,7,0,17,8,2,1,5,49,44,19,2,9,11,0,7,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,11,0,1,12,2,0,3,12,4,0,1,2,7,31,15,26,36,5,33,0,2,0,5,10,15,0,2,15,128,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316848411506662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836429336320356,0.07640258417506385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215064000609736,0.0,0.1026606920362778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342174036808721,0.0,0.0,0.0941245317724668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340272199183538,0.11416159126519408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186247714888893,0.07217034930419627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657472436838571,0.15612187183484005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209940703918774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662515191063337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544742661260984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240202894242294,0.08906783822848667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717907636268541,0.10676545244317588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39447381110297697,0.0,0.0,0.11078039576837646,0.10977418854708762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032440321407115,0.08102068685266063,0.16854812218592669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048453980665557,0.12440211095977778,0.0,0.0,0.07404268703263682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430847602235176,0.1515050645033906,0.0,0.0,0.11994322846084855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331410149878226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058484396277073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135277087226652,0.0,0.11423042587185005,0.0,0.11952123489586075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734928507685355,0.0,0.0,0.1035730950856235,0.0,0.0,0.0741856615488849,0.0,0.0,0.1137516300785954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889795525109193,0.17346338231789007,0.17529607143611262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859719115752917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31048283140379834,0.0,0.0,0.1407297573990332
suicidewatch,CokeZeroThot,2019/04/15,"I'm tired of being okay It's exhausting. I feel like I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of acting like I know what to do or what I'm doing. I'm tired of pretending. High school is ending and I don't know what to do. I can't feel anything. I'm accepted and enrolled in one of my states top colleges, and my test scores and grades are better than others in my class. I weigh less than average and can run an 8 minute mile. I've had a loving boyfriend who would do anything for me for almost three years. I'm perfectly set for life. But I can't feel any of it. Getting into one of my top college choices didn't strike any happiness, and neither did enrolling. Getting a 31 on the ACT was mildly disappointing. I struggle with my self image even though I know I look fine. Average. 2 years ago running an 8 minute mile would have overjoyed me. Now it's just another meaningless task. I hate my boyfriend. I know he loves me, and he's an obvious choice for stability and family relations, but I can't stand him. His touch, his face, his voice. The way he lights up like a christmas tree when he sees me. nothing makes me feel anything. i cant see the point in going on. i'm just another drone that will eventually die, so whats the point in going on. if i can have everything but what i truly want, why do i have to go on. they should have never given me my drivers license. I zone out while driving, and I get the urge to go straight on a curve. just run off the highway and barrel into the woods. Why not? I look at my pills everyday, and i wonder what would happen if i took them all at once. I think about going to his house, apologizing for the past.  i want him to smile at me one last time before he kills me. I saw him at prom on friday. I glanced at him over my shoulder while slow dancing with y boyfriend. I almost cried. Almost had feeling. I knew it was him i wanted to dance with. But we cant have what we want, can we. no we cant. I hate him and i love him. I hate to love him. It tears me apart and no one knows. It was three years ago and im tired of being strong. Im tired of pretending. It eats at you. It eats and it eats and it doesnt stop. Im tired of pretending. i want to be gone. im just really tired.",0.10655900223856918,2.2038126779661056,2.158207547169813,95.45126319155744,86.41525423728814,5.426670930604414,19.28701630956188,6.8096976237459765,0.09813658458586484,1712,49,399,22,53,571,211,472,0.135,0.73,0.135,-0.8799,0,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,4,1,2,5,10,21,4,1,15,1,40,20,2,1,4,70,90,28,2,11,12,0,6,3,0,5,10,1,0,1,21,26,4,1,14,5,0,15,15,7,0,6,12,14,70,14,51,70,3,67,0,1,6,4,31,31,0,7,20,244,91,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682440047992428,0.0,0.1979538483905134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962211606857626,0.13819391782763107,0.0,0.0,0.06535042282064647,0.0,0.0,0.16267863139692895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056072039859743315,0.0,0.0,0.05827903062677555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238288378034831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838890930926456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20228200270661506,0.0,0.0,0.058363669729674536,0.0,0.0,0.043523218726072316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059222439269911976,0.0,0.06212021652896961,0.0,0.16659319719815274,0.047075609591074055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328271063094592,0.0,0.18724906428912166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827098886996712,0.0701467633834206,0.0,0.19517387476946127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962199363403454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603431940564596,0.0,0.0,0.2847128911055019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290337711913877,0.0,0.18107164516895166,0.05371345770182458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046543793316711636,0.09657933314455153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067089782955436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378922941051076,0.0,0.043985618926930266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082251131172175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322830963778503,0.0,0.0,0.07017633512165053,0.17860942028724244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290451218087871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458469988435142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042214211238969485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668955323042063,0.10502003206150233,0.0,0.06874316052200334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509141449694003,0.0,0.06888806633645941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222304221667679,0.06474178957346596,0.0,0.038424074533995316,0.5301586099249658,0.0,0.0,0.07321209373394061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433375180472368,0.052304615415979895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189205028906794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146063299545162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043037388789567,0.0,0.0,0.12730322227058455
suicidewatch,sonofnail,2019/04/15,"Just venting I guess This has been on and off for the past 2 years now, I get hopeful and start doing things again only for something to break my spirit and I just hide in my room feeling like shit. I lose all drive to do anything and just want to sleep as a result I feel like I'm useless and I'll never amount to anything.
I have considered suicide before once when I was in a shitty job paying for me my ex and another roommate, I calculated how much money I'd need to pay off our contract with the landlord after I had that from work I was going to throw myself into a river.
The second time was right after I was dumped I quit all my jobs came back to live with my family and saw no light at the end. I didn't want to go back to school again but here i am applying once again. My one friend that I confided in often became more and more apathetic towards me even pushing my invites to hang out off he said it was school but he had enough time to party with co workers.
And I've come around once again, I have next to no friends I feel I can talk to, same with family. So many people just seem to want to push me away even though I've stopped opening up about issues.
I'm so tired",3.0356444444444435,3.9419575600000014,4.222666666666669,89.5257777777778,73.4,6.835555555555558,23.488888888888887,6.937597516519254,0.6301422222222222,930,24,205,8,18,305,149,250,0.12,0.785,0.096,-0.7267,2,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,4,24,9,2,0,7,0,16,3,2,2,3,43,36,17,1,5,6,1,3,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,5,19,0,1,4,0,3,9,4,4,0,2,12,6,30,5,41,24,8,46,1,2,1,0,8,17,1,4,21,142,35,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164125967838385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092430845917047,0.10326896172797488,0.0,0.0,0.1089904288056286,0.17840122590576782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871163172004628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132678709586019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992795563257068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274591555072453,0.11986407903150713,0.0,0.15324029405406192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871820435694955,0.0,0.17596669966018652,0.1657478575266533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925020682232626,0.0,0.060607775998828065,0.0,0.1318565240020905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779248360582618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152190476124352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107898392152207,0.2302339407591148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334827588437316,0.0,0.1024344582186512,0.0,0.0,0.12977981806401193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761076804144213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527695436500822,0.08601616867220764,0.0894701357796033,0.0,0.12337253467668405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706243199989742,0.07860792723622319,0.08822695917999007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073980999193292,0.08042319615678124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338549795596065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906755676622826,0.11034723144489536,0.0,0.0,0.23480631824782125,0.0,0.10560651052332992,0.0,0.0,0.11907737003417443,0.0,0.0,0.11608868438961276,0.0,0.0,0.08930624492106491,0.0,0.0,0.0821088702720115,0.0,0.0,0.0969852966355638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268905399359164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932403500854305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706850561003914,0.0,0.11397423217094207,0.0,0.13528678835550814,0.13333057562334968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526809925488496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445295393187507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747033567590435
suicidewatch,girlunofficial,2019/04/15,"What are people’s experiences with the suicide hotline? A bitch is going thru it right now and I have nobody close to me that I can call. I’ve only heard a handful of hotline stories, all about responders being rude or mocking or hanging up on the callers. This can’t be the majority, right? What have your experiences been?",3.4123118279569917,5.898514209677424,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,76.25806451612901,6.713978494623658,29.68817204301075,7.793537801064563,2.2380559139784952,259,12,45,4,6,86,51,62,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.9386,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,5,0,9,1,1,0,1,6,11,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,7,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,2,1,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171542690625434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6076469398151931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651943572494974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362230184368141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532885554554587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5304962906119621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397427116760192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway254984,2019/04/15,"Just over it I went through a really bad depressive episode that lasted several years and gained a bunch of weight. All I can think about is how I wrecked my body. Even if I lose weight, I'll probably have loose skin and still be hideous. Honestly, I just wish I didn't exist anymore. I wish I would go to sleep and not wake up.",2.2200497512437813,4.103644164179105,2.8545522388059688,94.485907960199,77.50746268656717,7.451741293532338,24.59950248756219,8.344100000000001,1.2987830845771144,257,9,59,5,6,80,53,67,0.168,0.675,0.158,-0.1708,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,2,0,6,6,4,1,1,13,11,5,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,3,9,1,6,7,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20147243850131774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696236389825387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565634690940545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497473102168265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418014191329244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545610253496495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655961941244703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272753979337435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903248024476807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301445302208189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295042119740515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329895922061195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622376453583427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017175573117135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4947694099936859,0.0,0.1883241665018236,0.0,0.0,0.4672301119891759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431352619551546,0.0,0.0,0.13082338523562856
suicidewatch,agirlwithquestions92,2019/04/15,"What do you do if it never gets better? As a teenager, I tried to commit suicide (by hanging). Since then, I have never really felt a feeling such as “I’m glad I never did that,” or “I’m glad I am alive.” I’ve just trudged through life for the most part, with bits of happiness on weekends from being social with friends, or happiness from accomplishing life goals.

Throughout the years, I have tried many different types of antidepressants. I ended all of them due to side effects, like constant headaches. Exercise was the one thing that truly helped, but numerous sports injuries keep me from really exercising these days. I’ve done physical therapy for years. 

Over a decade later, I have come to the decision (not quickly, but formulated over time) that my existence would have been better if my suicide attempt had succeeded. I have felt so much pain since then. There isn’t a single thing that I have experienced—from graduating at an elite university, to having a child, to finding a wonderful, caring partner—that has weighed the death > life decision heavier on the life side.

I live on a big rock hurtling through outer space, a globe filled with war and famine and violence and exploitation. I don’t think anything is worth the time one spends in this terrible place. 

For others out there who feel the same way: How do you cope on a daily basis?",6.2846137491141025,7.634921373493974,6.140023623907392,77.12968107725018,66.18875502008032,9.714245216158753,32.71934798015592,9.916854025145753,3.2747111268603835,1078,45,191,24,17,338,157,249,0.163,0.7170000000000001,0.121,-0.9616,1,0,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,2,1,8,7,13,1,0,18,0,22,8,0,2,5,36,34,15,4,3,8,0,4,1,1,1,7,0,0,1,12,8,1,1,10,5,2,3,6,3,0,2,7,4,17,10,31,25,7,35,0,0,0,0,8,15,0,6,17,130,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016867603245812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857348202668966,0.13490534667667964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598683352629966,0.0,0.0,0.10644375413629033,0.0,0.13353419304747366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969178402627218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910330732709804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645399183418518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944545902252656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496040102914747,0.0,0.23729124128095405,0.0,0.11293982967536025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546910483204107,0.0,0.06455970370181231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26308300190862033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282569767613605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098338071054298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34912176343888146,0.06036957292697812,0.0,0.10911369312709428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527957364818834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083743489456464,0.0,0.2859120976260768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674671082166857,0.0,0.13148613095924255,0.0,0.0,0.133813188033543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910330732709804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832293437757686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443511164686176,0.0,0.0,0.12596303667256206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27032886542427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131192354363073,0.0,0.16418750910846147,0.0791780273265123,0.0,0.0,0.1441081581870004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779048287722698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808332254830887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400531214799474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777987403267122,0.0,0.0,0.15914877252674256
suicidewatch,msxpc,2019/04/15,"People will ALWAYS let you down After spending the entire day (once I was able to actually wake up the pathetic hour of at 2pm) working on all these fucking papers I need to get done before graduation and still only achieving the slightest, most underwhelming dent in all of it..... I spent a while driving & then walking around in the dark around town, just hoping someone would take the initiative and shoot me. Or at least kidnap me or some shit, just something that'll get rid of all the shit ahead of me. Fucking nobody was out but me, probably because it was near midnight Sunday going into Monday.. But still, it's not by any means a safe area, I had some hope. My luck is shit.",5.171515151515153,6.2358173636363645,5.5951515151515165,81.07106060606063,68.54545454545455,7.684848484848485,28.303030303030305,7.793537801064563,1.7481757575757582,540,18,100,6,9,173,97,132,0.096,0.8079999999999999,0.096,0.2617,0,0,1,1,0,1,21.0,0,1,0,3,6,9,5,0,8,0,10,6,4,0,3,26,21,8,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,5,0,0,6,0,10,4,21,11,7,27,0,0,0,2,1,14,5,8,10,73,15,4,0.1564765867757591,0.0,0.1526985766741336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020105527544593,0.16954231639630754,0.0,0.10640944481831394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27859467438663715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538667493533327,0.0,0.1331500503009813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091445348532208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012987578214113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28932016608812383,0.16350511651476893,0.0,0.08892925026902121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31083311496129146,0.1540979181660166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000791159132302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704488756821027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602540638659367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666424580728471,0.0,0.11900749534801425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848116303062252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687082261141853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818629030890298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325821041893838,0.1204633212543351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499248086563369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176509195038712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391681879990655,0.0,0.0,0.11115647771289837,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,letspushpixels,2019/04/15,"I'm an addict, and I miss my family. I need some deep advice. Please help. I'm a long time opioid/benzo addict (going on about 13 years now, and I'm 27....).

I'm about a month sober and about 2 months out of jail.

I was incarcerated because I robbed a pharmacy here in Vegas (I escaped w/ over 1k OXY's 40's and roughly 800+ xan bars (2mg) ).

Located in Vegas (I have extended family here that I no longer communicate with), and all of my immediate fam is back in a tiny town in NY.

Here's the dilly: only my mom communicates w/ me at this point.

My sister (whom I was close w/ growing up w/), and my father (whom I was also extremely close w/ - boy scouts, soccers, etc) - no longer communicate w/ me.

Not being able to have a relationship w/ them hurts, deeply.

I understand that people need time, and that as an addict, I've deeply damaged familial relationships + friendships.

How do I approach this? I understand they're extremely delicate strands that must be tended properly - but as a former addict, I seem to be a bull in a china-shop.

I could really use some advice. I miss the people I used to have in my life. As of this point, I have maybe 1-2 ""decent"" friendships, and 0 close connections.

TIA.",2.1776704545454533,4.148954395833337,4.496212121212125,82.25727272727276,77.95833333333334,7.863636363636362,22.57575757575757,8.710501217029153,1.6074166666666665,925,28,187,21,22,322,135,240,0.046,0.875,0.078,0.836,0,1,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,0,12,0,14,6,0,3,2,28,29,14,0,4,2,3,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,9,13,1,0,3,2,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,1,26,0,24,21,4,30,0,4,0,0,10,18,0,3,9,108,35,0,0.121384670503275,0.0,0.0,0.52930883159549,0.0,0.2372313903248351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707127714639546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933373189884635,0.0,0.07399496848701799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691578223633124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353759941997072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34329199317438985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898570555784064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136158595930533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994480031122535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573758254764739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742161364257832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194721672916192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216425903345725,0.19377617183681348,0.0,0.0,0.1800103902372065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231851172048076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683056935432095,0.0,0.0,0.13324391708016445,0.2294954972368617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776212815652561,0.0,0.0,0.26064341835143123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050404513678724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156075504024396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527314457084721,0.0,0.2096747639539296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816774805135915
suicidewatch,throwaway8675313,2019/04/15,"SO left me and my addict sibling is missing I’m so goddamn tired of being the one everyone has to rely on. I can barely keep my own life together, but everyone around me expects me to save them. I can’t do it anymore. I just want to fucking die. 

No one ever helps me because I keep it together very well in public. I try to reach out for help but chicken out because I hate hate HATE being weak.

I can’t fucking do this anymore. I fucking can’t.",0.2296421663442949,2.442262138297874,2.932088974854935,89.26136363636364,87.19148936170212,5.120309477756287,25.56673114119923,6.574015621080383,1.1149702127659569,347,16,71,4,11,121,59,94,0.294,0.563,0.142,-0.9685,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,6,10,6,0,1,0,10,7,0,0,1,13,21,5,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,2,0,0,15,2,11,19,1,7,0,1,0,3,4,6,3,0,1,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921102612351666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30786999614009103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817733241325786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923945792363805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109224957008494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040397819929545,0.0,0.2966357693545148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304908791034863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597382654801792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080793158989953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27593058780433105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864530459273558,0.0,0.10963538451838478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036008322904245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784007794838501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538314155823557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807148046204012,0.09155186582680756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956003126424113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dosomeonecare,2019/04/16,"I fell empty I don't know what to do anymore, I have  no one to talk to , all the times i try to ask my mom to help me she takes it as an attack to her.

I have been bullied all my life by my family  and i school, i have no friends to talk to,I'm in a supposed relationship but I still feel empty

I smoke weed and cut myself daily to get through the day but its not enough anymore i just want it to end.

Im going to talk to my boyfriend tomorrow to to vent and see if he helps me, he is my last hope if he can not or don't wants to help me,  I found a fifth floor from where I could jump, im just tired  of living in pain",1.961926961926963,1.6213260629370652,3.8919813519813538,95.45882672882674,75.08391608391608,7.194716394716394,22.182595182595183,6.42735559955562,0.05399984459984397,469,9,129,3,9,161,85,143,0.152,0.7390000000000001,0.109,-0.6369,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,5,0,10,3,0,0,2,21,21,9,0,6,9,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,2,2,23,2,21,18,3,13,0,0,1,0,15,4,0,4,6,83,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105407277261329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636709704211145,0.17811523734250484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500437576404572,0.0,0.0,0.100971442874022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867007808321866,0.16177344967514845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475955044725167,0.0,0.07916394486707583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166539064212002,0.1209616948919669,0.0,0.08179872635480591,0.0,0.08897947125754503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148265647554056,0.0,0.0,0.15550432582599932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382340334643574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604400405435372,0.12762133375318882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058645701019024,0.0,0.0,0.13824972256517498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833669815830416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609246459461984,0.0,0.16659614944120832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809216753044834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845209180010494,0.124761997606759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503297430885185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771736047194804,0.3775229377503596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129428359429273,0.17994838270181746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629732640354224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846921323609933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,erod0725,2019/04/16,"I fantasize about killing myself in a public place. Just sit down somewhere and open up my veins or something. Get a sharp razor and slice all the way down my arms.  I feel like a mistake. Actually *everything* feels like a mistake. And I feel like a dumb ape. I feel subhuman and pathetic. But I also feel really angry, and I think that's why I want people to see it. Im tired of hiding and pretending to be ok; playing games and putting on faces, and I think doing it in public would feel like a more honest and in-your-face confession: that I can't take this fucking shit. And I dont want it. I dont want what you want. You're all pretending and none of it is worth it, so here, watch me bleed the fuck out. See something ugly but honest.

Idk i dont think id ever do it, just feels good to think about.",0.4292669172932335,2.622463869047621,2.397706766917296,93.62097744360905,85.90476190476191,5.679699248120301,18.961152882205514,7.0608816371341465,0.2469119047619044,622,17,139,9,19,207,96,168,0.15,0.6729999999999999,0.177,0.1513,0,0,2,0,0,1,25.0,0,1,0,0,8,16,5,0,8,1,9,8,4,0,3,40,30,16,1,7,5,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,13,0,0,12,4,1,1,5,7,0,0,0,11,17,9,14,28,4,13,1,0,3,2,5,9,4,1,5,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.11516075863761062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943725722164612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149206018119719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674682139311968,0.0,0.0,0.106059798734426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176858916392559,0.3372255341104357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181967281002941,0.061655365980111676,0.0,0.0,0.09898120777758064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274710747311597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056060506180678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306149439636533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181329063175886,0.0,0.12329535617542825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863266702225228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560024211992072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807741796587524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113559206574699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169976126575635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872885025897796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024642290768357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563516068557835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784214748032011,0.09367086280619907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648568986240714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383093398584661,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blindpineapple,2019/04/16,"i have been in survival mode for so long and i don't know how much longer i can do it i am fed up. i actively support everyone around me (husband w/stressful job/his own history of depression/anxiety/tendency to take his emotions out on me, friends who doubt themselves and need validation) but when i turn around-- no one is there for me. i have been  treated for depression since the age of 10- im 30 now. today i finally hit a wall. today im done. i even tried to reach out my mother (a mother who told me to ""blame god for your chronic illness"")-- even going so far to say ""i want to hurt myself. i want to die."" and told her i felt lost and alone and unsupported. needless to say. she told me my problems were my own. that i should give everyone space. i really almost did it. i set everything up. i got into the bath and just sat there. for my entire life the response to my depression (outside of professional help) has been ""so? your life is bad? really? what is your problem?"" i am out of my home country at the moment as well-- which adds to my feeling isolated and the inability for me to reach out.

anyway. yeah. thanks.",1.346460176991151,3.717193681415928,3.2338300884955764,87.97886902654871,83.42477876106193,6.801840707964603,24.084247787610607,7.976525956113202,1.5099835752212385,876,34,181,18,25,293,135,226,0.191,0.721,0.08800000000000001,-0.9865,1,1,0,0,0,3,46.0,0,3,0,2,15,13,0,1,7,1,18,5,0,1,0,29,38,14,1,6,2,3,2,0,1,1,4,2,2,0,7,15,1,0,3,1,0,1,2,8,1,1,14,4,37,5,33,22,3,25,0,4,0,0,19,15,0,2,8,128,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361171507711127,0.12785114881411128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197833398760519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030709010338564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264492723703474,0.0,0.12811577709710756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263264597244016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885831235288995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306769753097275,0.0,0.0,0.2359127903860955,0.11094384901417324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241718762209208,0.0,0.11852596347428247,0.13522728438825335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537282177935304,0.0,0.0,0.11841909768018713,0.07015628593701594,0.0,0.09872974755339604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827421658254153,0.0,0.12382477819040365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214976193900252,0.0,0.2666822271473494,0.0,0.12249949938045054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784180290452252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438483257137938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924439174149796,0.0,0.0,0.13475412308110934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074582300037767,0.09153244361998074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836491066610126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623920028540346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816326161790015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963358513584761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211446678399448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140512022739718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008321955421812,0.0,0.0,0.09281481092550853,0.0,0.0,0.11365099983847668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340216765555701,0.3538691855791432,0.0,0.0838106309254436,0.13427203750573125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562138732799362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099132270380307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DerpyDj,2019/04/16,"i’m stuck (backstory for later in my text: my mother and father split when i was 4, my best friends, grandma and her brother/my uncle, passed away when i was 6, and i had an abusive step father {last two parts kind of explain why i want to end it all, there’s more}
i don’t know what to do anymore, i want to kill myself but i have my little brother who adores me, and in all honesty he means the world to me, but i can’t take what happens on the sidelines anymore, when i’m about to just end it all, my little brothers voice comes in my head and says “where’s mister” (he’s only 3 about to be 4 soon, and he has a speech impediment, mister means sister), and i stop and cry, and eventually fall asleep into the next day of hell, when i see him he lights my day up, but when i go home i want to die, but i don’t know what to do, he looks up to me, but i can’t climb any higher",6.932343750000001,3.392750046875001,7.598125,83.33437500000002,66.76041666666666,10.225,31.8125,6.6274283507984215,1.6603,667,15,164,3,8,225,105,192,0.133,0.785,0.08199999999999999,-0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,2,11,6,2,0,5,0,12,2,2,0,3,29,29,19,2,3,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,6,11,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,4,6,27,4,22,24,6,32,1,0,2,0,17,12,1,0,14,102,33,0,0.0,0.1799820234203487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330028654874504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012969431915209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271930234798055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941442802650266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308522984011228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685998866648438,0.19593170474186394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576529151129961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26908464435267265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736105979102485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633084263375368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432867046210914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589786789223767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237262488085865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680598512317161,0.15818518788664138,0.1669655094284367,0.12382246292593085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044964831358381,0.0,0.0,0.12756154351066828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33093712179282514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16155218647097458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155302369248195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449779841615947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080057589001846,0.0,0.0,0.12104823988992347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269989853744367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142132986242358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838864908209934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687916750212868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707020726589722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Allthetreesaremine,2019/04/16,"I can not deal with my life I found out today that my apartment has bed bugs. Not a big deal right? Just have the place treated problem solved. Not in my head. If it’s depression or anxiety or OCD or what ever else on my giant list of mental illness I’m absolutely losing my mind. I’m sick, I’m crying, panicking doesn’t cover it. I was sitting on my couch and one was crawling along my arm biting me. When I killed it my blood exploded out of it all over my finger. I’m hyperventilating. Along with everything else right now I can’t deal with an infestation of bugs that are impossible to kill. 

If I had something to do it with I’d kill my self right this second. This is the straw that broke the camels back. I need to die i need to get out of my mess of a life.",0.5072532781228425,2.6942270993788853,2.703302277432716,91.61228951000692,85.45962732919254,5.813802622498276,18.882332643202208,7.1686216300943375,0.2492067632850241,597,16,135,9,18,202,96,161,0.262,0.726,0.012,-0.9923,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,6,0,11,8,4,0,2,26,19,7,4,5,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,11,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,4,1,20,1,22,15,1,20,0,3,0,0,4,14,0,5,5,87,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730968723501384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786251096041034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408506444746614,0.0,0.4338508683167081,0.12081830989195926,0.0,0.14558289125903684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23436286208162602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688640915422425,0.0,0.0,0.1260697680867756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380386171490235,0.0,0.0,0.07328769037061117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439622117523432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655791939401938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816020081759028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693139974008408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136380673836385,0.0,0.14163736108849584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802368120674533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505370122928217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655710405536776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342238504325795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593812331703118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633700353109125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079902424742253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296392162701182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwfaraway1201,2019/04/16,"Question for people who have been to the hospital and/or committed before Is any company better than no company when you’re there and in that state? Would you rather be left alone? I’m assuming it varies between people and points in your life. 

I have a more specific question, but can’t ask it due to privacy concerns.",4.744500000000002,6.918951116666669,5.216666666666669,79.03500000000003,71.16666666666666,9.466666666666667,30.33333333333333,9.888512548439397,3.3142333333333323,257,11,45,7,5,82,50,60,0.053,0.88,0.067,0.1926,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,9,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,7,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27744504844039003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821690021545214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504335856959255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279479217429341,0.0,0.0,0.23691993274715706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29105466642706623,0.0,0.1892130370700884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371431412983921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532351550847884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6001784801448014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902957454814662,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedHotPain389,2019/04/16,"Want to die in my sleep. Yeah, just thought I'd post here after several months.

​

I just want to fucking rot in my bed and I hate myself for not actually taking the courage and initiative to fucking hang myself or die.",3.445227272727273,5.69701215909091,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,75.13636363636364,7.127272727272729,29.181818181818183,8.07648339933343,2.1148818181818188,181,8,34,3,4,58,32,44,0.215,0.636,0.15,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,9,7,3,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,7,6,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.21712322646308235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24107346355001585,0.2703560295083795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618297942755022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113864667903574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966795333514252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759355129526966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308890470531855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25135625287843344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226558901217728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167288705601642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663634119926994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624668751797269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703560295083795,0.0
suicidewatch,xXLoveHerNotXx,2019/04/16,"I'm new here. Hello everyone. I recently just joined reddit after quitting all my other social media due to amounts of stalking, drama and defaming my name. I used to be a popular social media artist in Creepypasta, but had a terrible experience and used to be a bully due to following the influence of what the crowd was dragging me into. I had fake friends I thought I trusted, and now spreading terrible rumors, and lies and making statements about me that isn't even true. I've been fighting with major depression and been trying to do many attempts to take my own life, but something always gets in the way, and people are convincing me to kill myself thinking I'm doing it for attention, and had people who i once called ""friends"" are encouraging this type of behavior. 

Call me petty, but I'm 20 years old, and barely adjusting to ""adulthood"" but amounts of pressure and anxiety I face nearly every day only pushes me down even more.

I could really use advice on how to move on. These people won't stop dragging my name for a whole year now, and ever time i come back from recovering, I get shoved all over again. 

I had to make a difficult decision to announce that I'm leaving that toxic community, my projects, my creations that had earned me to the top as well as loving and loyal followers inspiring me to live for another day. But its not enough to keep out this negativity. The reason why I get triggered and upset is because they use my personal information and trauma agaisnt me and say I fake it, and i have others following the influence to believe it so, when I NEVER wanted it to be put out in public.

What do I do... I hate going to hospitals and having to live another day where this constantly gets rubbed off on me.",7.97224598930481,7.263470606060611,8.607860962566846,67.9229679144385,62.63636363636363,11.764705882352946,36.987522281639926,11.088447113337141,4.246677361853833,1380,58,236,33,17,465,190,330,0.183,0.7070000000000001,0.11,-0.985,1,0,1,0,2,1,35.0,0,0,1,4,16,23,3,2,11,0,23,3,1,11,5,59,49,27,1,2,7,0,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,18,22,0,2,9,2,0,8,5,12,1,0,9,2,35,11,44,35,9,45,0,1,0,1,20,15,0,0,21,176,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550860057676463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984102290069704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22643527937128904,0.0825979805613881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302349781431022,0.0,0.06581848687137894,0.0,0.0,0.12164702237659344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050215668367087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300797529756206,0.0,0.11667894494248204,0.0,0.08620653905502403,0.0,0.0,0.20889825448970645,0.0,0.0929957832237505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156352825448718,0.0,0.1426284506047258,0.09766649616517822,0.09097073208170353,0.10317149343515823,0.0,0.10561694560152704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683718487661933,0.0,0.2256428242629569,0.0,0.06136275004114854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065996042713528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597012150679328,0.11945458110300405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432633742818706,0.0,0.0,0.07626353611173106,0.0,0.0,0.19068180669382465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744858696161167,0.0,0.14414376647836946,0.10946625836064196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475672640336265,0.0,0.0,0.08327435626779266,0.10427964673559248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329803429237364,0.11498623310140316,0.0,0.08211726926710905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456174333249912,0.09427663884978094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854128270596416,0.0,0.11484108999649073,0.0,0.0,0.06916937348326224,0.11101279025714028,0.10660893191010064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586335215808252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22012690360858508,0.0,0.0831218148010335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026909453521452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118120802534451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918384333067455,0.0,0.0857173920269302,0.06295910983970117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330563081526344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730111919969912,0.0,0.0,0.06368444874116595,0.08570283258701547,0.0,0.0,0.09707943772742443,0.0,0.0974275775602952,0.12054643856596335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906034434723166
suicidewatch,GoldSmith64,2019/04/16,"I swear I’m this close I’m just so angry all the time. I’m tired of being angry I’m tired of hating myself. If I throw myself in front of an oncoming train at my subway station, guess what? I won’t have to hate myself anymore",-1.1851714285714259,0.8716493400000012,1.8277142857142863,94.681,95.6,3.6571428571428566,13.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-1.0661142857142858,177,3,39,1,7,62,35,50,0.391,0.609,0.0,-0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896861412290701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217826710193521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5767794015744131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703267002969511,0.6714552772127698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anonymous-ig,2019/04/16,"that’s it i’m about to do it literally i can’t take it anymore like oh my god 

my sister had brain cancer lost all her memories 

my family hates me

my family’s is unbelievably poor

and what really made me make up my mind is the one girl the ONE GIRLLLL who made my life possible left me for the guy i wasn’t supposed to worry about i’m heart broken crying in my room right now 

so many things are messed up in my life

i’ve had non-stop depression for 4 years

i hate my life so much

i may be dead soon 

who knows 


but it’s very possible",0.7379583975346691,2.419172194915255,3.293636363636363,90.55529275808941,81.28813559322035,7.680739599383668,18.35439137134052,8.575989854853784,0.7487694915254242,421,9,101,10,11,147,78,118,0.2,0.772,0.028,-0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,3,1.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,3,0,10,6,2,3,1,9,20,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,9,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,6,0,17,1,10,12,2,10,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,59,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695005863967065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766689962884447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738396993239492,0.0,0.0,0.13630794613196714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983843472195723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670094809190627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31249531135724895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875372660682705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697481699619541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194848979756214,0.0,0.3353483011312369,0.07731718401689601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275801486226386,0.0,0.0,0.29949632844876145,0.10563887993243164,0.16044943470167616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979612529581955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633831960118568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144803183953062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568257054439948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138454570626698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351520251514432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231132045721636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189908116997351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051400170609932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057996310520684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607193444172007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191338396908234
suicidewatch,ehblasphemy,2019/04/16,"I’m doing it This is it. Good bye, good luck to all, if my parents dig this up I guess this is my suicide note-

Though I never say it, I love my family more than anything. This is not your fault, I am the reason that I am the failure that I am. I am the coward who can’t face you guys and instead had to hurt you guys even more. Ily, if there’s a higher power  I’ll make sure to tell them how amazing you guys are. If not maybe in a billion years somewhere somehow there is another me who didn’t fuck up. Good bye. I’m so sorry",-0.9878388278388286,0.961912957264957,1.4863797313797311,99.29096153846157,90.36752136752136,4.0266178266178265,16.904151404151403,5.288315135182226,-0.8052925518925518,404,10,99,2,14,137,73,117,0.17,0.647,0.184,0.2363,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,1,1,8,10,1,0,5,0,13,3,1,3,3,15,19,7,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,1,16,7,7,17,3,5,0,1,0,2,16,3,1,6,4,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832597139179981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381935143029784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543275909550495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475592107928325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157040050239765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397618659657579,0.0,0.0,0.19252689464408645,0.5191440357536053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870929910141868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773513931117994,0.0,0.11665914199074275,0.0,0.17557816449038208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479202312213667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940594226306225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969083475197906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898270089555392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563871052363133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116806344359707,0.0,0.16471697629027215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275512493894944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170888592320313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254500179110896
suicidewatch,Rian_Maximus,2019/04/16,"I wish I didn’t have younger siblings If it weren’t for them I woulda done it by now. I think about it every other day and I lie to myself to keep myself going. I don’t deserve anything I have in my life. I didn’t work for any of it. I’m short and fat. I’m not funny. I let my emotions get the better of me all the time. I’m unreliable. I’m inconsistent. I’m a hypocrite. I’m an attention whore. The only good thing I can find about me is my strong sense of right and wrong, and even that can be brushed off as naivety. I keep telling myself it’ll get better, that I’ll get better, but I’ve stopped believing that a while ago. It’s been this constant cycle of 1-3 days of motivation and then falling back into the same rhythm. I don’t derive joy from anything anymore. I can no longer talk to the only person I’ve ever really opened up to, and it’s slowly eating me up. I’m at my wits end. I know I’m not gonna do it now, nor anytime soon. I’ll wait till my siblings get older. When it won’t impact them as hard. Maybe by then I’ll find a magic lamp and things will change. I don’t know.",-0.30061283115225024,1.5988846473029028,2.2241701244813292,95.6259008937121,86.34439834024893,4.703542930098947,17.982923715288862,5.873414542411696,-0.4405373124800511,844,21,201,6,26,290,132,241,0.069,0.8390000000000001,0.092,0.7225,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,6,9,8,0,0,9,0,20,4,1,1,2,28,41,17,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,16,9,2,4,7,0,0,2,11,2,0,0,5,2,28,6,25,30,2,30,0,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,19,122,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263440640990225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940792759057036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720096620779687,0.0,0.0,0.22769212955491525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637868841719167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586732709361084,0.0,0.36706446415467703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635056009834452,0.0,0.0,0.14950168874652686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784420307526108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415748648080655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156137032688298,0.0,0.15561939154888835,0.12253251827185163,0.0,0.0,0.09137550154922362,0.12514088225470482,0.1165615448393616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528894641570743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891180006596504,0.0,0.07862459470991139,0.11603713821422568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392985650387107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459346069943947,0.0,0.0,0.15206147778536905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146703318862436,0.09771709406616604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898604665705766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043506069990556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079743028475867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862728532885346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181457885166508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566253089867347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119639003923684,0.12091954021442396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382040826108206,0.08864582566297381,0.0,0.0,0.08067002360754442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908980722907362,0.0,0.0,0.10071673472665214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512584301737482,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,babytrashgremlin,2019/04/16,"what even not today, satan.
I don’t wanna end it I just wanna disappear.
but my cat wouldn’t understand, neither would my family and I couldn’t hurt them.
i’m done with school.
it’s so hard to actually get help with the attention seekers out there. i’m doubting myself. do I really have depression or am i attention deprived? does my stress mean anything? does my paranoia from my childhood incidents really count? i wanna disappear into thin air.",2.461753246753247,5.384036214285718,4.385800865800866,77.21980519480522,85.66666666666666,8.292640692640694,25.493506493506487,8.841846274778883,2.955014285714286,358,15,59,11,11,121,60,84,0.315,0.648,0.037000000000000005,-0.979,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,20,13,4,0,6,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,2,13,0,9,9,1,9,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.22438870237329156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892213918141593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804736601448245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024448611889876,0.2353089060851581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20365898193509302,0.0,0.0,0.15187349351652385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676738482133198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201343906578722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059814713914893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541242315344831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24615599921917344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504725510108329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29461147059264703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327120035378453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633959997623665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795665306636036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23937610971533824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334309289346546,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThriceDeadAndBack,2019/04/16,Ready to go I am chronically ill and a burden to my family. My husband and I were teenagers when we started dating. Weve been together almost 21 years. Over the weekend he said we should've broken up 19 and half years ago.  I had a heart attack in front of my kids. I'm sick of being sick and making my family unhappy and unable to do everything they want. I thought about just divorcing my husband but that would be impossible for me to see him move on.  I think it's better to just go. I have a plan but everytime i think I'm ready something comes up that makes me say ok after this happens then I'm going to do it. I can't tell anyone. Please be kind. I needed to just say the words to someone.,0.7143493150684925,2.9055132260274017,3.0016267123287683,89.79504280821921,84.54794520547945,6.115753424657536,20.08390410958904,7.413659706084162,0.6443986301369855,545,16,117,9,16,186,95,146,0.113,0.769,0.118,0.5868,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,3,0,1,2,5,5,1,0,5,1,13,5,1,2,0,23,31,9,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,5,8,0,0,3,1,0,6,1,2,0,1,6,4,21,3,18,21,0,20,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,1,9,74,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736364258111415,0.0,0.17776388333094228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412837818096127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195831546140985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570048809640877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529205536973436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954644282816025,0.0,0.3347062261228915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026716477591173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698321630946202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103658960934868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486313816354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236996284580669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867911150579333,0.0,0.1316312342928666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486721010011185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886525522015447,0.2823472140387117,0.0,0.0,0.14146303958155873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041486656331626,0.13666606442120105,0.0,0.0,0.12565186414528012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516313785360974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274994503469067,0.0,0.14093362432967635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470780739234588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610741747582424,0.0,0.0,0.2286382945858981
suicidewatch,Hjd22,2019/04/16,"Do you ever wonder what would happen if one of your mentally healthy acquaintances was inside your head? Im sorry if this is the wrong sub, I’m not sure where else this would go.

Do you ever compare your self to the people you know, the people that say “just go see a therapist” or “it’ll get better” and you think what if you could see this from my point of view?

Ive been living with this depression and anxiety for so long I’m used to it and I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it, I often wonder if one of the people i knew saw things from inside my head would they even make it out of bed?",2.3749218749999983,3.6155766484375,3.7832500000000016,90.73675000000004,75.484375,6.995000000000001,19.83125,7.554174236665415,0.3761756250000001,473,9,106,6,10,156,79,128,0.113,0.826,0.061,-0.6982,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,8,1,1,7,5,0,0,5,0,11,2,2,2,3,28,27,9,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,14,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,4,5,14,3,13,18,0,8,0,1,4,0,11,3,0,8,4,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097805191199826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691803311411634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145766342551674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360018112894562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987956224967405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947833424149423,0.2596159997319641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497515742795939,0.0,0.16311378337247354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690052005760302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29455395401947204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500944230162794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886629825658797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701090304714611,0.0,0.2534341346278606,0.12699693128836595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579034138821453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461874308259862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448467205710945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984637710265558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565809945172388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412050644858727,0.0,0.0,0.2287089500885333,0.0,0.1497064489520209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064149409992934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525125525551746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661973867889104,0.0953379866794978,0.09195186351937802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394177804552675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833317848269636,0.31124893078456634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058243531446638,0.15689959931526998,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shallowsilver123,2019/04/16,"Finally got my LTC (license to carry) card Hey guys, I been a lurker for about a year here but never thought I open up but here I am.

I often think about suicide for a couple years but not in the way you wouldn't expect. Not in the sense of depression or loss of hope but rather a fear of living without pride. I'm a doorman for an luxury apartment in Boston and I hate it. Not because I'm not happy but because I am in subjection to these vain, gluttonous wealthy asswipes. With just one complaint can jeopardize my job and I can't stand being so powerless, so disposable as if I was as if I was machine. I bust my ass for my dickhead boss and get paid less then I'm worth. I'm not saying that I'm not happy, not saying there aren't good times. There are so many things to be happy for all things considered so I realize that this could be seen as ungratefulness and narcissism but I rather choose fulfillment and purpose over the longevity of life. I have to live my life to fullest, I want to be the best I can be for me and others because if I'm not then I feel no more significant then the tweekers who constantly get high wasting away in the streets. I have to feel like I am doing shit or what's the point.

​

I owe it to myself to try to and if I fail and become stagnate there's not point in me existing. At all. So I went down to my gun store and purchased a revolver and a safe and put in room. I took the police exam bout 2 weeks ago, losing weight while getting toned, and trying my increase skillset. I getting out of the 9-5 **one way or the other**.

Let's hope for the best.",2.063905615168249,3.8118323444108815,3.513343056568392,90.20287009063445,77.51963746223566,6.499051984581728,24.40472965933952,7.372421405659032,0.9961656630899056,1250,43,269,16,29,411,176,331,0.228,0.665,0.107,-0.9946,3,0,0,2,0,1,35.0,0,1,0,6,16,19,2,1,19,0,22,6,2,1,3,59,46,37,1,12,26,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,12,15,2,1,6,0,5,4,15,8,0,2,9,6,34,11,43,29,7,39,0,4,1,1,6,20,2,10,13,192,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813765094416084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995413583183455,0.13452465239864633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401560011071163,0.0,0.0,0.2024631915785694,0.1222703920558134,0.0,0.0,0.2323664301140293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196380769090961,0.0,0.08839285060913206,0.12249840416528834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535427896634883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457942232987895,0.11195650887411028,0.07909117826504614,0.0,0.12127728948874322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313654239542957,0.0,0.0,0.0928582157324123,0.08854482458440803,0.0,0.0,0.1096202117533244,0.0,0.3535582575988189,0.0,0.10930311086188003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697109304605605,0.0,0.21991983173064064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986249791081024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132083787054578,0.15639535998877396,0.054087267418011606,0.0,0.1955177488590334,0.0,0.0,0.12385606521707752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122424670805639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538630379828076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003979366879333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20931328968958968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112940328230555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608192007950388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364212655588965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109866714392588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710148310289026,0.07093843686487164,0.0,0.08789129816712299,0.06455583592089832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300277801960273,0.1503295166350641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529957037377136,0.1757527389612104,0.08880480788612913,0.13481483888867207,0.0,0.10262919110585596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672039774423653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452465239864633,0.1425870981282939
suicidewatch,koko898,2019/04/16,"Would i die If I jumped out of my bedroom window on the second floor of my house onto my concrete driveway, would I die or just get injured? I've looked it up and most people say I'll only break bones, but I want to be sure i know I probably won't get answers I'm just desperate.",3.1046721311475416,3.3686754918032773,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,72.77049180327869,7.411475409836067,26.72540983606557,7.1686216300943375,1.1708655737704916,219,7,49,2,4,75,46,61,0.16399999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,14,10,4,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,9,1,7,6,1,7,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,0,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5577955894917945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807991385473301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31007665162993203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476861761320442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566429015289075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043801618365828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863025315471384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28973481422786146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370371867600965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532734659456121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585030536981869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817940851155936,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,good4nothingnobody,2019/04/16,I might go through with it if my relationship doesn't improve My relationship is degrading by the day. I do so much for her but nothing I do is ever enough. No one takes me seriously at my job or in my personal life. I might just end it all. She's all I have,0.14220238095238358,2.1335954821428587,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,85.25,7.3047619047619055,23.619047619047624,8.344100000000001,1.4632119047619057,201,8,48,5,6,72,43,56,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.7878,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,3,10,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,12,0,6,8,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,4,3,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552637972605781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323299218853456,0.2487590488713205,0.0,0.0,0.21777210771986336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682374137132702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389071712889013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004880540746772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107952907878697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176978910027802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310060645181305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631383928448558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21021356511385894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169506838304938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101399633528767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IsThereaPoint97,2019/04/16,"Thinking about it So I guess I’m coming on here for something, I’m not sure what. I tend to get these downward spirals every 6 months or so where I’m an emotional mess and I just can’t handle my life. This time it’s really bad. I’ve had a bad couple of months and I’ve always thought about suicide before in a kind of disconnected kind of way, but now it’s really on the forefront of my mind and I’m actually thinking of it seriously. To give some backstory, two of my siblings suffer from severe mental illness and it’s put this stigma and pressure on the remaining siblings to be completely normal and mentally sound. My sister, who I’m very close with has told me that she thinks that either brother or I would be the type to commit suicide and that if either of us did that it would break her. At this point I’m starting to resent her because I really want to do it, but I can’t do that to her. And I’ve told a friend that I feel this way, but I don’t think she realized how bad it’s gotten.",3.743714285714287,4.290151561904761,5.375238095238097,83.2414285714286,71.47619047619048,8.285714285714286,26.904761904761905,8.418075326091056,1.6979047619047622,788,25,166,12,14,269,114,210,0.189,0.764,0.048,-0.9842,0,0,1,0,0,3,14.0,1,0,0,0,9,12,1,1,7,0,12,2,0,1,2,38,34,17,2,5,10,2,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,21,11,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,8,0,1,6,2,19,4,24,24,3,19,0,1,0,0,13,9,0,5,5,109,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.12241898886238455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043826464057378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142311015859431,0.0764718345832919,0.0,0.1067468661453668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080622001502578,0.1315296660716313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880564106997012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111192721820665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569520975569716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634301936099434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692068452712234,0.0,0.06554131503229335,0.12034099226717625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819493107502565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612692271069149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860751432450882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25284381987616106,0.0,0.12666655009183336,0.0,0.200262526789077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291224116461025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185887504323125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610972100846346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241095282131536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417203438935062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657587060834977,0.0,0.0,0.08879262181716867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27443913641439377,0.0,0.1182330979128997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215276238943951,0.0,0.09959156667949788,0.0731496402003516,0.0,0.0,0.2397415606075088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254430447970335,0.0,0.15089829701838722,0.0,0.0,0.103507600118813,0.07399238209744254,0.19914930131168784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782290824642935,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,adxxtay,2019/04/16,"you don’t have to be depressed to commit suicide I think it’s really interesting how everyone has this concept that you have to be sad or depressed to want to kill yourself. I mean... sometimes you just get tired of waking up and dealing with the same bullshit EVERY SINGLE DAY. 
Every time I get in my car I contemplate crashing it... I’m a young adult and have felt this way since I was a teenager. Will I feel this way forever? Maybe that’s just the way I’m meant to go out? I’m not sure? Any advice reddit friends? 
I just don’t feel like I have a place or purpose ya know; like maybe I’d do everyone a favor by following though what I’ve thought out so many times before.",2.320659472422065,4.064474201438848,3.6987230215827367,89.17575839328539,76.76978417266187,6.647721822541968,25.252398081534768,7.492282038375204,1.1742513189448447,530,19,112,7,12,174,88,139,0.192,0.6920000000000001,0.116,-0.9352,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,0,4,0,0,6,10,1,0,6,0,12,2,1,1,2,24,28,7,2,1,6,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,4,3,13,6,13,21,2,15,0,3,0,0,7,5,0,2,6,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036687090249998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464166965880696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093803470583304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923796636135328,0.15864048030009675,0.26506815281487195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592961000725821,0.2940722282236203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560971843400506,0.10992979420496723,0.14774609771767602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888502597391012,0.0,0.16078881361589922,0.0,0.08745187276886066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702421554000145,0.0,0.0845668016311865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035310654864162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600717523609395,0.3091803554280893,0.16761721643502006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076876463754738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857757752551394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728868465287754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218833560694947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831651581945026,0.0,0.14502729716500773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985981994053032,0.15118341888921308,0.12216118828753432,0.1794538888706956,0.17685903103933287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907606700308054,0.3664213161716877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SakethKukkala,2019/04/16,"i have no idea what to put here i have no idea what to do. i always feel like i am the problem in my house, and since im about to graduate i feel like that makes it worse since they have to bear me as being a financial problem later. nobody has ever gotten along with me, and i honestly think suicide should have been what i did years ago. for those who had these kind of things question their mind, what did you do about it. i really don't know what i am supposed to do now. do i live and continue to be a burden, or do i just end it where all the problems should end.",2.3346630236794184,3.2225478032786903,3.721256830601092,92.52693078324226,75.0655737704918,7.0615664845173045,21.752276867030965,7.3871296695380915,0.4600954462659375,440,10,104,5,9,145,76,122,0.181,0.7559999999999999,0.063,-0.9325,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,2,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,21,0,0,1,2,23,27,5,1,5,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,2,17,4,14,18,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,10,81,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144112849344406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527534951126965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879862326153221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705831453954932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440551960715435,0.232287097726998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875896195057864,0.0,0.36705457154269017,0.1756088018159717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929675204845354,0.08934691935444129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885177902408892,0.0,0.1435566248753572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085200154710225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415431515748205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666867006607199,0.0,0.16343268899197838,0.18212110727526246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414965092022843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26896729267385433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783056559862906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080075468935343,0.1041714384467155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567772341671805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469291242109913
suicidewatch,macrohoroscop,2019/04/16,"I'm fucking furious that I'm trapped like this and can't do a fucking thing about it Why in 2019 can I not avail of medical professionals to kill me? Why do I have to wreck my head trying to come up with effective ways of killing myself that are a) gonna work and b) not excrutiating. Why do I have to have miraculous logistics so nobody finds me and stops me midway and I end up a fucking vegetable? Why are guns so restricted in my country that the easiest most reliable suicide method is off the fucking table? Why is there no easy way at all to find help and advice online without some fucking outreach and refusal to help me with what I want? Pills didn't work the last time. Cutting apparently doesnt do shit. I don't live near the Golden fucking Gate bridge to jump. What the fuck am I to do?
WHY WON'T THEY JUST HELP ME FUCKING DIE",3.093546218487397,4.7977774470588255,4.2774789915966425,86.02294117647061,74.52941176470588,7.4453781512605035,28.02521008403361,8.192908349453996,1.8320504201680672,666,27,137,11,14,218,104,170,0.238,0.6579999999999999,0.104,-0.9832,1,1,1,1,0,3,11.0,0,0,1,3,5,14,13,0,8,0,19,13,2,1,1,23,32,8,4,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,9,1,3,3,0,0,2,9,13,0,0,1,0,16,1,21,29,3,15,0,0,0,8,5,7,9,2,5,88,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163861833594199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078130412023488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097326590643021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305933008109842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142249072897586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6935688038437625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624311710057812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857192497306333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075025676833537,0.0,0.0,0.07644145465350344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045815114938343504,0.0,0.08280754939266723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447130625425736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626160348899483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840247199208236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025777344453452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230182885626239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468261170968084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366899653140475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531259878554183,0.14887296623817042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077194776522961,0.0,0.0,0.0903984897430723,0.0,0.13654276648084132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Kenshin_Osu,2019/04/16,"I'm not unhappy but I'm not really happy and I think life is not for me? Hello! Maybe this is the wrong forum to post in but I thought maybe someone could relate or share some interesting replies with me.

So to start I would say that my life is pretty decent. I grew up with a loving family and everyone is still supportive and caring except for my mother but that's not relevant in my opinion, so I can't say that I have a bad life or so but still I don't really care about living... like... not at all. I wouldn't give two shits if I died for some reason tomorrow except that it might hurt and be annoying and scary because of that but other then that I really wouldn't care at all. I have thought about what suicide would be like multiple times but I have never attempted it and I don't really plan to, yet at least?

But it's like I don't see the point, at all. I've traveled the world with my family, I've had relationships with girls I really liked, I have worked, I am going to school and I see my family and relatives pretty often (I currently live alone) and I am happy about seeing them and doing things with them but deep down I don't really care about things like that. 

I don't really have a hobby, I waste some time at the computer, school, I do random shit with friends etc... but it doesn't feel fulfilling in any meaningful way at the end of the day. It's like I just can't wait to not have to deal with anything anymore. I don't have any goals in my life, never really had and I've been thinking about which direction to go when it comes to work but I haven't managed to find anything remotely interesting which to me is not good enough somehow... EXCEPT!!! there is actually ONE thing that have peaked my interest for a couple of years and that is to become a vocalist but turns out that the ONE thing that I actually want to do, I cannot do because of my shitty memory.

 My memory is REALLY bad when it comes to remembering texts etc... like I can write lyrics for a song and read it 200 times and only remember 30% of it and I've been working hard to try and improve this but even after 3 years of vocal training and lyrical practice I haven't made any progress in remembering lyrics that I NEED TO BE ABLE TO DO if I want to become a vocalist  so that has made me depressed lately but I'm handeling it and I don't feel like this has added to my initial thoughts about life not really being for me at all.

I don't know if I'm making any sense but maybe someone can relate and share their thoughts?

Peace <3",2.4767255244755257,4.163472186538467,4.1548601398601415,86.32377622377622,76.17307692307692,7.9580419580419575,22.202797202797203,8.710501217029153,1.357038461538462,1987,54,422,42,44,667,206,520,0.145,0.705,0.151,-0.7888,1,1,0,0,0,1,48.0,0,0,3,7,20,31,3,0,14,0,55,8,2,4,6,102,91,45,2,11,31,1,3,8,1,5,5,3,0,1,34,29,0,1,15,3,0,6,26,8,0,3,10,9,53,23,62,71,11,46,0,2,3,1,16,18,2,13,28,295,87,9,0.06261177638952428,0.0,0.1222001237976978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484691761576973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031261997669875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620940578922115,0.0,0.0,0.10304831419897373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455643597921163,0.07633511549111249,0.1382995757295777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553475155410876,0.0,0.0,0.10786900266802188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999040868042133,0.06927873967998871,0.0,0.040379416028218665,0.06454999218372415,0.05392743125836258,0.0,0.06498113876767518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545544972130406,0.06469470219320353,0.1396573626998957,0.04135448779955397,0.0,0.0,0.05982823550892091,0.0,0.0,0.177074431423934,0.0,0.06331679083185691,0.044729865563100615,0.0,0.0,0.057226029312056524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837370312331979,0.0,0.0,0.06006292115971445,0.07116743082223953,0.0525157874399227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330280045579948,0.05608785343880125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702720159254635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03440979486427028,0.0,0.07062881094440207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112274657065709,0.2447116104074867,0.0,0.11057469130573876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650957271850526,0.11848955341837394,0.04179384692841905,0.0,0.18870583493403648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066421200292308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642583884189433,0.09658012369035826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485472017410164,0.04761907733893354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918836660272265,0.0,0.05996477428759395,0.12739737185614947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262872002542293,0.0,0.4011070722129241,0.06437533410506305,0.0,0.0672216160391552,0.2127808116389176,0.0,0.0,0.0995827952752809,0.0,0.12673292077881293,0.14968043822530366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854017741688642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610150990389963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044316937589549785,0.0,0.10000369100720563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848712106761423,0.07105110186371312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638592843502786,0.08023819631536648,0.0,0.1988270265999689,0.10952829096989856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042509286223543614,0.06810363328760853,0.061162607685627764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738600958594612,0.04969831375970254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674635674269436,0.0,0.0,0.08895521905498656,0.06845614852062178,0.0,0.08063986237425794
suicidewatch,jammydodgersss,2019/04/16,Kill yourselves! You’re all worthless fat fucks anyways! Kill yourselves now beta males no ones ever gonna love you please just kill yourselves now,3.2707692307692326,6.0994045384615445,1.4149230769230776,94.18007692307695,99.76923076923076,2.08,24.43076923076923,3.1291,0.09905538461538432,122,5,19,0,5,33,20,26,0.504,0.353,0.14300000000000002,-0.9544,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,3,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322607797003324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373772892496741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8522251304737286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317425696333033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399221010409158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28185345836685016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BanannyMousse,2019/04/16,"No way out 
What is there to live for when nothing you do is worthwhile? What is there to live for when you do nothing enjoyable? When no one loves you? No family or friends?

I’ve been trying to reach out online to work on socializing so I could move on to focusing on  relationships. But people are beasts, and I was seeking validation where there is none. You need it from yourself first.

But I do nothing worthwhile. I’m unable to leave my home. I can’t do anything enjoyable. I don’t work. I don’t use my education or talents. I’m in debt. I am trapped; an ugly monster.

I have no way to build self validation, and other people hate me. 

Isn’t our purpose to be happy? I have no way out.",0.4914603174603194,2.906546685714286,2.783333333333335,88.96055555555556,89.28571428571428,5.682539682539683,22.777777777777786,7.1686216300943375,0.998873015873016,536,21,112,9,18,182,77,140,0.151,0.68,0.16899999999999998,0.4043,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,4,0,3,8,7,1,0,1,0,20,1,0,1,0,12,26,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,1,0,2,2,0,17,6,18,22,1,16,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,2,4,82,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655200013141736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248718032432374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643062170095812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114591490342865,0.0,0.0,0.12820250319667031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664300640776434,0.0,0.1638284189159452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644832590261965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570330799383785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930507962033803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976460782044546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763647545892904,0.0,0.12304017199929412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4776630381412218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244319570325108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300796243453369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781542219989898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731084651504854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915185954751538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266032060991435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433162773926957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951391655340855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416082031559679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,burneraccount8483,2019/04/16,"I think I’m a pedophile and the thought makes me suicidal every single day. Let me start of by saying I would NEVER hurt a child. I don’t consider it and I couldn’t see myself ever doing it. 

I’m 18 and the fact I may be a pedophile has been dawning on me since I was around 15-16. 

When I was 6 years old, I was molested by my grandpa and this basically ruined my childhood. He didn’t get much time at all because at my young age I was unable to give a confession. 

I feel sick everyday I remember, but I used to actively search for child porn when I was around 13. I didn’t know what it was, but because I was young I wanted to see porn I could see myself in. I didn’t know how bad it was because my mothers strictness turned out in her NEVER giving me talks about what happened. Talks about pedophilia, sex in general or anything were never brought up. I think the last time I watched child porn I was around 15 and then I learned how fucked up what I was doing was. 

I have a family with youngers I see so often, and I can promise you not a sexual thought goes through my mind when I’m around them. It’s not an active and constant urge, it’s only at certain times I feel this attraction and it’s never towards any specific or real person. 

I don’t believe I will ever offend and I’m planning on trying to get counselling when I’m older (I’m currently living with a relative and I don’t want them to know absolutely anything about this) but the fact I’ve even viewed child porn makes me want to blow my brains out. 

I feel like this is it, no matter what I do, that filth will ALWAYS be a smudge on my past. Even if nobody knows, I always will. I hate myself for doing that. Especially at 15 when I really should’ve knew better. 

I’ve never said anything about this and I wasn’t sure where to vent. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m only just an adult and I feel like I’ve already fucked up my own life by doing and thinking grotesque things. 

PLEASE, please know that I’m aware of how disgusting what I did and what I am is. I hate pedophiles and I’ll never understand why anyone would want to do that to a child. 

I don’t even know if pedophilia can be cured or if it’s something you need to manage, but I would honest to god get some kind of inhumane therapy if it meant me erasing this from my identity entirely.",1.7988383838383832,3.624396528806585,3.4798671904227483,89.78682659932663,78.56790123456791,6.558099513655069,22.773849607182946,7.520522993642371,0.8838987654320984,1827,57,393,26,44,608,209,486,0.109,0.789,0.102,-0.8445,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,2,2,26,19,7,0,15,0,50,10,1,6,13,97,103,36,1,14,15,2,4,2,0,7,2,2,0,7,28,24,0,0,22,0,0,1,19,10,0,0,24,12,67,9,49,66,5,53,1,2,6,7,22,21,2,10,33,268,95,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575405361553007,0.0,0.12932058784243236,0.0,0.0,0.05284493250373196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433609154193823,0.0,0.19184419366738056,0.2767107147114293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488395050123882,0.1421124527240902,0.0,0.0,0.08755167703517172,0.0,0.06872748769953936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867491864504213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397605715973827,0.0,0.062044486730631475,0.0,0.0,0.05011601641365788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397861533404827,0.14058487190814833,0.06547336711796857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325733409549841,0.0,0.15716846060239908,0.11103096068425003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368183834621456,0.12179957607603326,0.14909152428499245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871800419001302,0.0,0.0,0.1534435277231806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831893243039007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092219156638221,0.2989486747659416,0.06334338378315138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946293961540618,0.05488831828981275,0.07592959662432791,0.0,0.06861866254505641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374301189451623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846415703131841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712521602791298,0.05762039995309098,0.359604833862623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154275142368257,0.0,0.0,0.11820272288502025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418224086195757,0.0,0.06785269113274854,0.0,0.17060276983697534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845010196187174,0.04978251443906271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802939465622141,0.0,0.07391926085200723,0.06179748858980804,0.0,0.0,0.2476967404600591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428186754762863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05982435198050294,0.0,0.0,0.05500298394827747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500127097306476,0.0,0.0732400176227357,0.0,0.0,0.12491945053173772,0.0,0.0,0.08886726236952393,0.0,0.051626550979738235,0.14937878599085097,0.0,0.1233848766113819,0.13593860852696152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275945755686984,0.08452531362232514,0.0,0.08089803573702338,0.0,0.06711581338818863,0.0,0.0,0.18333963888037916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012048168734616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560719507897648,0.0,0.0,0.050042188122769976
suicidewatch,Liqquid-Gold,2019/04/16,"So... I tried to kill my self vent Last night I took a bunch of pills. They hit quicker than I thought they would and I panicked. I tried going to the bathroom, I heard a loud bang, and when I opened my eyes I realized I was on the floor. The loud bang was my head. I walked to my sisters room and woke up on the floor infront of her door. I had fallen again. She didn’t know what was going on, but stopped trying to find out what was wrong after I was able to go to sleep. I woke up again but it was 5pm now. I think I fell asleep at like 3am. They found the pills under my pillow. My sister came and talked to me and I told her everything. She checked my arms for cuts and when I showed her my hip full of fresh cuts, she cried. 

You really don’t realize the affect of your actions until they’re done. I still can’t really stand so I’ve been in her bed all day. But, the worst thing is losing trust. You spend years gaining someone’s trust just for it to go to shit. I regret it all and would never do this again, but they don’t believe me when I say it. My sisters gonna check me every night for cuts and she’s locking the pills away. It just hurts knowing the no longer trust you. So, if you’re contemplating, don’t do it. Because it’s only when it’s too late you realize you fucked up.",0.5758819610977888,2.370401701438851,2.050735411670665,98.6986477484679,82.34532374100718,5.125712763122835,17.850253130828673,6.0378880255834675,-0.5447901945110574,995,21,243,7,27,321,145,278,0.187,0.735,0.078,-0.9853,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,6,4,2,15,15,6,0,11,0,19,11,7,1,3,35,37,21,1,4,7,3,0,1,0,3,3,4,4,1,12,11,0,1,9,1,3,10,7,11,0,0,18,5,50,4,30,15,5,46,0,3,1,1,26,16,2,1,20,157,62,0,0.14233708766482225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337303793115077,0.0,0.0,0.08676736751539213,0.0,0.0,0.16036515574004834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279570925574136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563506071650761,0.09179564629034408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456602590624162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992513530586535,0.0,0.12792339644474754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300935194718848,0.0,0.0,0.15606526985395844,0.0,0.131588343956854,0.0,0.0,0.3235737883175637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607891619489308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237479623086078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747489850710414,0.0,0.1564494818883193,0.11602372392485374,0.16056243465306827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953871130902381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923879267995394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977913681022736,0.0,0.0,0.2671474291893665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825376912391467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236956621503367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319216510344245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848862499976226,0.0,0.1461069750490286,0.0,0.0,0.14243988180726455,0.0,0.12060175247709587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367058207343868,0.11900017872067713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440515943193033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456243636385564,0.0912038584559181,0.0,0.11299974839889194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600918698562434,0.1581417416562758,0.28991261781778305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222436645307404,0.15562326091112308,0.0,0.09166041775141497
suicidewatch,jttwif,2019/04/16,"what to do I'm drunk, 19, have no friends. I've been alone for years. I didn't cry at my best friends funeral, i have no emotions leftt, only a strong urge to hurt myself badly and to die. What did I do to deserve this? why can't I Just be happy and live a normal life and be normal, i'm fucked up in so many ways. I won't live for much longer anyways considering my lifestyle, i don't want to die by the hands of alcohol and drugs, i want to die by my own handsd.",2.206366158113731,2.511001786407768,3.8961442441054084,93.33689320388348,74.8252427184466,7.050762829403608,23.45214979195561,6.868970318607317,0.4248402219140077,356,9,90,3,7,120,64,103,0.318,0.55,0.132,-0.9642,0,1,2,0,0,4,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,0,3,0,12,6,1,0,0,9,17,5,4,4,1,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,1,11,5,14,11,3,5,0,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,1,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836247087500992,0.0,0.17285528266418607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935228504331718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514843323968227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833288614281964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5196391835960913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19354789668127612,0.0,0.0,0.18773701335236986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578889000226417,0.15429387651409435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776652931234417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866702541080304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788450790653178,0.0,0.0,0.2947467701457951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920767980529774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268872850044495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32704786215566495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269329272117538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688071872650253,0.1324753186229732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059886575930975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747639762382223
suicidewatch,elynwen,2019/04/16,What do you do when you post that you’re going to suicide and no one reacts on here? I guess it’s meant to be.,0.468076923076925,1.1458411923076923,2.6415384615384627,99.27846153846157,79.38461538461539,5.2,16.846153846153847,3.1291,-1.095246153846154,85,1,23,0,2,29,22,26,0.242,0.758,0.0,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803523929855024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5434229190492834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342712190404174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47244273882397997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395875067614041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wasting_my_youth,2019/04/16,"I've felt worthless for the past 10 years and it's going to be the same for the next 10 years so what's the point I've always felt strange and awkward and unwanted by society (my teachers at school, other pupils, my parents etc etc. )
It all started when I was 8 years old. I moved schools and I didn't know anyone there so I was really, really quiet and shy. The shyness didn't disappear and I ended up getting bullied throughout my 3 years at that school. I literally just stood on my own in the playground like a loner and the other kids would throw stones at me or kick me or laugh at me. 

Then we moved again when I was 11 and it was the same throughout high school and now college. It's just shit. I wasted my entire childhood, my teenage years, my high school years which everyone else seems to love and cherish because they spend that time making friends and going out and feeling wanted. I've wasted it all. I don't have any friends. I don't have ANYONE. I'll always be the weirdo. The loner. The loser. I'll never fit into society. It's not like I want to be popular or anything either, I just want someone to lean on, you know? Someone who is actually there for me, someone who cares. Someone I can go places with and do things with. I just want fun. I want happiness. I want acceptance. I'll never get that. I'll always be a lone wolf and I hate it. I didn't want to be this ugly. I didn't want to be this shy and quiet. I never wanted to be this unlovable. 

It won't change either. In the next ten years, I'll bet I'll be the exact same. Yes I'll have a job and a career and independence from my controlling parents but that won't make a difference because I'll still be a loner loser. I'll still be unwanted. I could have changed myself when I was 11 and my parents moved again but I didn't. I stayed as the same ugly loser loner I've been since I was 8. 

My own parents hate me as well as every other person. They think I'm weird and annoying too. The only reason they even had me in the first place is because it's against their religion to have abortions. My mum said herself that she was meant to have an abortion before I was born because the doctors found that there was something wrong with me in the ultrasound  (she won't tell me what was supposedly wrong with me) but then she never went through with he abortion because she knew she would be going against God and her family would look down upon her for it. My own birth was an unwanted mistake so it's not exactly any wonder I'm treated in the same way by every person I meet. 

Is there even any point in being alive if I don't fit into society like a normal person? I'll never be loved or wanted by anyone I hate this. 

(Sorry this is a pretty incoherent rant ik but I just wanted to get it off my chest.)",1.803147178592205,3.7912412198952894,3.4373385689354263,89.31812536358349,79.20942408376963,5.989645142524724,22.478475858057013,7.016131500887134,0.6974325770796979,2181,68,453,25,54,723,225,573,0.181,0.7440000000000001,0.075,-0.995,6,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,1,1,4,5,24,32,5,1,29,1,53,5,2,5,9,99,97,40,0,21,18,5,3,3,2,6,1,3,0,4,32,29,0,1,13,0,2,10,18,16,1,2,26,7,67,16,48,51,14,72,0,5,1,2,33,27,1,8,36,307,99,9,0.0,0.0,0.05787447204009735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804297781787532,0.0,0.0,0.12099111674266826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440519996173108,0.0,0.04880409768455593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180763094580892,0.0,0.050465361440314285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060466807190621724,0.0,0.12547657304081625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651714833321287,0.047351318796333176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196254460343765,0.0,0.06070259317493368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954287063981525,0.0,0.05252784980283468,0.0,0.13228458174313434,0.07834260959833574,0.0,0.0999363663860141,0.05666978781300769,0.0,0.0,0.05590877713253552,0.0,0.029987087793245187,0.0,0.11388685097449933,0.0,0.0,0.05044597671285279,0.0,0.06502638478780412,0.09163992447409564,0.0,0.09295540764280548,0.0,0.13482073036540934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313274453483972,0.0,0.17565831666878454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532089368338872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058852431237225174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518647113891758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692230507389695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980242268573428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705264723656836,0.0,0.0791749386280889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909988948103568,0.0,0.0,0.2287036827147669,0.0,0.12614601634636316,0.0,0.05810766067234431,0.0,0.0,0.062232069627013026,0.0,0.0,0.045105174600146576,0.0,0.0,0.2634108671603487,0.0,0.05661465057050325,0.0,0.15535213094589193,0.12392508920687532,0.0,0.11212739763567536,0.0,0.0,0.0603359097055965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598637158274146,0.06097683632306741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056413948607373386,0.0,0.0,0.3001061149625228,0.0,0.05399030115442712,0.0,0.0,0.060877147033486866,0.04905885056776013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100041399339524,0.04565694893587218,0.0,0.06638863716405574,0.04197736116331919,0.0632127103425246,0.09472430369521596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518363903410463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940052376305397,0.03800113375408058,0.0,0.0,0.034582027231718535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847848358771967,0.04707464412863512,0.0,0.0,0.05332355822179536,0.054977608623034135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431523950064519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638865276130462,0.12968443338366295,0.0,0.2673395509496979
suicidewatch,azuresegugio,2019/04/16,"I really just need a reason to continue I’ve been unemployed for one year
I’m a 21 year old transgender woman who has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD. I had to quit my last job at a convenience store as I had stop taking my medication and was having panic attacks constantly, as well as being made fun of by the staff and called useless.
I have since gotten treatment and returned to my medication. 
But now nobody will hire me. Nobody accepts chronic mental illness as a real medical issue, so I’m just seen as a lazy and useless employee who quit their job after they couldn’t hack it.
My home life is not well either. My parents constantly insult me, calling me things like “Yeti” (because my hair is long and curly no matter what I do to it), or just saying I’m lazy.
They won’t do anything to help me get an education to improve my chances of getting a job. I used my last bit of cash trying to get a bartender license and failed at that. I went to an employment agency who accomplished nothing but getting me one late night shift at a factory where they had me work three peoples jobs with no training then they said they never wanted to see me again with how badly I butchered it. I can’t get or hold any job
Making things worse, my parents canceled the internet. For those who don’t know, most jobs require you to apply online, and will simply tell you to do so when you show up in person. They also will be taking my phone in two weeks, as I can’t pay for it, meaning I’ll lose any means to go online at all or to receive calls from jobs. I also will not be able to drive as I cannot afford to renew my liscence. This means I will not be able to drive to get to a job or to find one, nor would I be able to get to therapy. Without a phone or internet, I also cannot coordinate with my friends to drive me to do such things
I’m afraid I have no options left, and that all I can do is end it.",6.9131739654479745,5.240870000000001,7.579641087451452,77.5611370028124,65.28498727735368,10.51286996116245,33.91576268916566,9.276330184999452,2.811669720101781,1502,52,309,22,19,503,200,393,0.112,0.8340000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9661,15,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,7,7,16,16,2,2,14,0,37,8,1,5,3,53,65,32,0,4,15,2,1,1,1,7,7,2,1,2,17,13,0,3,7,1,3,6,16,10,2,5,11,5,47,6,51,41,5,36,0,5,2,0,30,9,0,7,22,216,64,17,0.21435418689475894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141896581570404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717879840447352,0.0,0.054660122087093456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879841055133196,0.0,0.0,0.08128627758931621,0.0,0.0,0.0596589308255852,0.04355610758913777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800641828046992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887959105439253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442715020881967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154098235872965,0.0725216625259978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328472863177527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530528115609613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055203171022113286,0.0,0.26131283618932605,0.0,0.04060747473548899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789236436107305,0.0,0.07167157560918362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457669338399872,0.5672358802651039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03926781842369291,0.1164848478609628,0.08060028647616094,0.0,0.07763215041768058,0.0,0.050468233803398266,0.034907542756192664,0.0,0.0,0.06323223668965833,0.0,0.07993583515256583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760903816907776,0.0476943614132638,0.0,0.0,0.23349454961157864,0.0,0.21593929209226345,0.07200620124903355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529803045034746,0.0551077211498979,0.0,0.0,0.06705229454996117,0.0,0.06855954116330375,0.0,0.07497622029688968,0.0,0.14525194456984844,0.0,0.0,0.08383281771045373,0.1586766382925852,0.0,0.0,0.049535401161219635,0.06238860265669481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519947087606515,0.0,0.08132733092998881,0.0457735936591443,0.0734639349224086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796663945060015,0.05682101765526525,0.0,0.0,0.05693751147499662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910533282479746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059736566129714175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744511455810074,0.0,0.0624516691297511,0.0,0.08171089795559433,0.0,0.14240739704674474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851080744105739,0.0,0.06979763123821017,0.0,0.0,0.06171106471318174,0.0,0.0,0.04214388438533607,0.0,0.057313999693913376,0.0,0.12848677128089414,0.06623615959138131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887659563985007,0.0,0.05201746700180965,0.0,0.07281507641209015,0.05075702141598799,0.0,0.0,0.09202471232143157
suicidewatch,Holdupbruh,2019/04/16,I want to know the easiest way I'm ready to kill myself tonight but I don't know how to do it,-0.7308695652173895,0.2885248260869595,2.2341304347826103,99.52771739130438,83.34782608695652,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.031278260869564985,73,2,21,1,2,26,17,23,0.126,0.662,0.212,-0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5991161532436072,0.0,0.5952149368215454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194049286259439,0.4298366032302995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CygnusPhantom,2019/04/16,"This is it I've only lived for 15 and a half years but I think it has been long enough. I can't take it anymore. Keeping up my ""happy"" face for people I don't even care about. Grades dropping so lower and lower that I might just fail school and probably get beaten even more by my parents. I can't go on even a few hours without burning or cutting myself. I'm lonely, alone and picked on by others everyday. I don't feel safe anywhere not even on the internet. I feel like I'm a waste of space. Anxiety, depression, physical and mental abuse, and a brain that is crazy full with ideas that makes me think of more ways to die doesn't help. I feel like my only friend I have is a blade because it's the only thing that gives me a choice. I just feel like slitting my throat to just end it. I'm sure everyone around me would be happy that some trash like me isn't around them.
Goodbye",2.3914311594202893,3.868586440217392,3.430956521739134,92.31259420289857,75.90217391304348,6.4284057971014485,22.04927536231884,7.03164865440522,0.4618562318840582,691,18,153,7,15,222,110,184,0.261,0.616,0.123,-0.9859,3,3,0,0,1,2,18.0,0,0,1,2,11,15,2,0,8,0,15,3,3,2,1,31,31,9,1,1,7,1,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,5,0,1,1,4,20,10,17,27,6,16,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,3,9,97,33,4,0.0,0.1488739519662305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013484895378358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961214208095258,0.0,0.12461040773918547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22370914929292585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659468706874815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026624681241942,0.0,0.0,0.12810790237770078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082216145238326,0.0,0.13040420407461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128804326377204,0.12982938291542134,0.0,0.331960883954016,0.0,0.0,0.12006335346973294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412837846708203,0.2692917957920759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707638821922232,0.0,0.06564660756902486,0.12053432083164516,0.07140943009316428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675121723628884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422012122436934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373931503402773,0.0,0.0,0.14184283973245354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168292943481584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455437330599589,0.0,0.1109506918774828,0.1111957346507526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083871927258802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662500753521092,0.13329412075658156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28668601367632324,0.0,0.0,0.13951875096125982,0.0,0.0,0.0871094494154185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547126780444027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271638661435155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842304013176945,0.0,0.09447268571693823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347585537227534,0.16102208002689974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973461796129914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112150468446975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925770430571912,0.0,0.0,0.08091407190629495
suicidewatch,7ammy30,2019/04/16,"How come things don't get better Why? Even when I'm hopeful, even when I try to believe it and maybe even do things to get happy, things still get worse. Is it God telling me I should just do it? Is it a way of telling me that nothing will work out? Is it a way of telling me to stop trying? I'm so sick of waking up and hating my body. Im sick of being ugly and not being normal. I'm sick of my body dysmorphia bringing me down with every chance it gets. I can't do this any more. What's the point? No guy would ever be attracted to me. Everyone in my family is going to pass away when ill be 50. I'm not smart enough or rich enough to go to a nice college and get a good job. Once my friends realize how much of a freak I am, they'll leave me to. I'm such a disgusting monster with 0 purpose. I should just do it. Nothing gets better anyways.",0.5598251192368835,2.139300810810809,2.6227662957074758,95.6413036565978,81.43243243243244,5.650238473767886,20.6120826709062,6.522977012572876,0.05896184419713847,650,18,157,6,17,219,103,185,0.215,0.66,0.125,-0.9575,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,15,13,2,0,7,0,20,7,3,2,1,23,37,11,0,5,5,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,13,8,0,1,1,0,1,5,5,3,0,0,0,0,16,10,21,28,4,19,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,6,103,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106561353894186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199995852121228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430673631228982,0.0,0.21085980030194107,0.0,0.26482670899989136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268724518844603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24634772111326556,0.0,0.2362075289442337,0.10783057481171687,0.10043798760654438,0.11390847299857247,0.0,0.0,0.1123788119941194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209990248236584,0.0,0.3736879543819784,0.0,0.135497450379998,0.09998612034458612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803478667037458,0.0,0.1268992668527673,0.0,0.1176933447457882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840056686500433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876523235767484,0.0,0.11829567099503158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622419319876307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976058528447185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763168891398096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679865325323598,0.22876682402344706,0.0,0.0,0.12695276371734004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269021059446993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951997634557794,0.0996633311694031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125794694515103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375897459861292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186898513031014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924372356351865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756679212769206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086784935530737,0.0,0.12148326468624646,0.0846820325019961,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greenandyellow89,2019/04/16,Has anyone ever taken themselves to the ER for suicidal thought? I’m just wondering what to expect if I take myself in. I haven’t done anything to hurt myself but the thoughts are so intrusive that I just don’t know how long I can keep warding them off. My mind and body are exhausting from the fight.,4.988499999999998,5.8441121833333325,5.403333333333336,83.04000000000002,68.83333333333334,8.666666666666668,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.3070000000000004,241,9,47,4,4,77,48,60,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,2,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,1,14,15,5,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,0,8,0,7,11,0,4,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846336189240573,0.0,0.22180224765330134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993897995984418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758252846685919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438075396955369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885400713772333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23957283334175095,0.0,0.0,0.14812799028322549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385277440394017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215094797097034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29482476265976393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20265486502860355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279573298884208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29229645370777424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TryingToCopeAgain,2019/04/16,I want to die I don't feel the desire to live. I'm going to commit suicide in a month. Just enough to take care of everything,-1.4450000000000005,0.5519202142857154,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,96.85714285714286,4.228571428571429,14.142857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.7731714285714282,98,2,23,1,4,34,23,28,0.31,0.495,0.195,-0.7147,0,0,0,0,0,3,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35830171619419965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36472418368942455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631164810885748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315838577292372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769129079552798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972320895080206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.310315152889083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805044794751088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844024558253838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642282388330348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727986366841886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shinypants117,2019/04/16,"is being unattractive a valid reason to want to kill yourself im very unattractive and i know it I've never had a  girlfriend or touched a girl beyond a hug and im in my mid 20's i can't see any girl ever wanting me and not through lack of effort I've been rejected probably 1000 times

because of this i lost all hope and attempted to kill myself not long ago i ended up in the hospital so everyone knows and ask about it 

even the people i want to talk to about it i don't want to tell them the reason im worried they will think that is pathetic and not a good reason worried they will look down on me for this 

do you think it's a valid reason what would you think if you were in they're shoes and i told you this",1.6890384615384626,3.1045862371794897,3.310512820512824,92.70115384615384,77.65384615384616,6.338461538461537,22.256410256410255,7.010146845296331,0.4808871794871799,567,16,130,6,13,188,90,156,0.197,0.7290000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9711,0,1,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,4,3,3,6,7,2,0,9,0,12,2,1,4,3,31,27,10,2,8,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,0,9,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,3,18,3,19,18,2,14,0,2,2,1,14,8,0,3,6,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129016253976544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537651229927408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173698371097369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653250742646228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111976995208095,0.0,0.0,0.08292284944549268,0.11356477789720194,0.0,0.11996588592131552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530317184678498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469685988788745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068380894504511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277799112375707,0.0,0.13799509513020475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110546584401287,0.10542816532569686,0.0,0.13704977784814576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968298663862186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703873387871934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536129209601375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163343977438896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004499393998127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091021503327947,0.10973392931602538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24133704321597646,0.0,0.0,0.0732076772106055,0.0,0.0,0.11996588592131552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358972317004056,0.2962043509604205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549988834479056,0.0,0.08918524481358743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigmanjeff2323,2019/04/16,"Does anyone else want to die but not sure why? I've had an anxiety disorder since I was 12 and have had clinical depression for the last few months. The doctor put me on prozac and sertraline but nothings working. I've been suicidal for the last few months, hiding it from my parents since they're unwell. I just really want to fucking die, but idk why. 

I'm 17, do A Level maths, physics and design tech. Came out with the highest grades in my year, yet still I feel worthless. I had plans to go on to become a design engineer but it just feels like itll never happen. I would kill myself but I dont want to put my family through such pain. I dunno man.

I've got jobs which pays me well yet I still feel like a worthless piece of shit. I just dont fucking know what's wrong with me. I just hope one day it just happens naturally. Apparently it gets better when you become an adult but I doubt I'll live that far. .

Anyone else have a similar experience ?",1.835469343461746,3.9722384123711367,3.4158166033640818,88.75894465545309,79.82474226804123,6.764622897449812,21.55073250135648,7.85451343220497,0.953334020618557,748,22,157,13,19,247,119,194,0.25,0.636,0.114,-0.9883,3,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,1,0,3,12,16,4,1,10,0,12,7,1,0,2,32,29,10,4,5,12,1,3,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,4,0,1,4,4,10,1,1,7,3,19,6,16,20,3,22,0,3,0,2,4,6,3,3,14,91,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445053948497103,0.0,0.0,0.15437906420334258,0.22622187504219635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438413585119146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763386484941083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262604769679829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119451819209628,0.0,0.0950815505378642,0.0,0.22914154394433786,0.0,0.1265202366045935,0.11299217635531147,0.0966058831730342,0.0,0.2587601501971909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844388018268053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798578820186472,0.10406893800012956,0.0,0.1674544431348474,0.15772992979079856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411357458222976,0.057675920495891424,0.0,0.06273903199612722,0.0,0.0882915722802521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524078526309785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096454129885188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954827366487802,0.0,0.1221337828060137,0.0,0.0606692470425671,0.17997047697787488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786513843338986,0.0,0.09747926847493757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622968913123094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514208536674885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592530746377916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480532797822666,0.0,0.1174662088064192,0.0,0.12257864779481133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195142831844036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072074724826394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331709196990974,0.1826368860113292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632039536465188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207523056639822,0.0,0.10404433832075856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533840959939566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925679578673788,0.0,0.1992254878329804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036760591103348,0.0,0.0,0.0784202024722983,0.1206976967622891,0.0,0.07108963815623458
suicidewatch,FlimsyHovercraft2,2019/04/16,"Chronic Incurable Illness and Euthanasia Because the disease will take 20 years to kill me instead of 2 I’m not allowed the same luxury of death. Explain to me that logic. Because I’ll suffer for a loooonger period of time with the same end result, euthanasia isn’t allowed. As a result, I get to do all of this completely alone. I don't get to die with loved ones nearby. I don't even get to say a proper goodbye. Nobody gets it until they have to live it themselves.",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,4.173333333333336,83.54666666666667,78.03225806451613,6.713978494623658,27.53763440860215,7.793537801064563,1.9415505376344089,372,16,68,6,9,124,64,93,0.174,0.754,0.07200000000000001,-0.8764,2,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,6,0,6,3,0,4,1,13,14,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,6,1,15,13,3,5,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626143826489109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30913881439843155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265855561391812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631579459552646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22458120182934335,0.0,0.0,0.16747570559314814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5299039714060714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805294479711144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239004208797488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288501458335329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182057970284048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164315641512506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906475186024104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478543908906644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328600073011745
suicidewatch,sauveztoi,2019/04/16,"I have so much anger that it's going to kill me I'm extremely suicidal, but it's not even from sadness anymore. It's from anger. I feel like I've been screwed over so many times by so many people and no matter how many therapists I go to or ways I try to let go of the anger I can't. It's engrained in me for life, it's traumatized me so much that I just can't live. I know I'm not a perfect person but the amount of people who have fucked things up beyond repair for me are insane. I try to forgive but I just can't. I guess I'm too weak to or something.",1.055952380952384,2.057153801587301,3.1843174603174624,94.67457142857144,78.44444444444444,6.309841269841268,21.33015873015873,6.742157984588678,0.1754501587301589,433,11,108,4,10,148,70,126,0.328,0.602,0.07,-0.9913,0,0,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,6,0,3,0,8,4,0,1,1,17,18,11,2,0,9,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,1,1,14,3,16,16,3,9,0,1,0,2,3,4,2,3,2,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603204071272874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723690039104738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974919887552388,0.12680584556974553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640956440638249,0.0,0.0,0.3026315682653784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955359687046186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637715710505174,0.0,0.09754921189042844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181505504181746,0.1253733115474763,0.08671740426617235,0.0,0.15673551723353135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398706123439593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609654560181225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461119327697429,0.1549859214087025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366479672300243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415589982860554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060908721826213,0.11792293627814973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350152241984037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410213362496467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089102706555845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaybt0419,2019/04/16,"My teeth are terrible, and (genuinely) unfixable. I think I’ll end up killing myself over it. I’m 22, and from looking at my mouth you’d think I was in my 70s. My gums are shrivelled up and receded, my teeth are very dark (not from staining, from lost enamel), and so thin they’re translucent. They kind of point forward at a very weird angle. Every time I go to the dentist, the dentist is clearly trying to pretend that everything is fine and fight back looking visibly horrified (and that’s not all in my head).

This happened because of alcohol, tobacco and drug use, and a total lack of self-care resulting in part from a very difficult childhood that I still haven’t fully come to terms with.

Every time I open my mouth to speak to someone who doesn’t already know me, their eyes immediately go to my teeth, and I see a change in their face. I think I genuinely scare people, like they think I’ve got something seriously wrong with me. Because of this I’ve become completely isolated. Other people see my teeth and start talking to me like I’m learning disabled.

I feel like not taking better care of my teeth even through everything else I had going for me was such a stupid mistake to make, it is solely and directly my fault and it’s ruined my chances of living a normal life. This isn’t supposed to happen to middle-class college kids, but it has, and it is, and it’s purely because of me. 

And in case you’re thinking:

“Oh it can’t be that bad, it feels worse than it is because you’re depressed!”

It really is that bad. My parents are in their mid 50s, and they have considerably better teeth than I do. This is not a body dysmorphia issue, I know exactly what the inside of my mouth looks like.

“Oh but you can go to the dentist and get some work done and they’ll look amazing!”

I go to the dentist almost monthly. There is no work I can have done other than “wait until it’s bad enough to warrant full dentures” because most of my teeth can’t support veneers or crowns, and my gums absolutely can’t support implants (jawbone shrinkage). Even whitening will not work, because there isn’t a lot of enamel to whiten.

When I do get dentures (maybe not “soon” but definitely before I’m 30) if they’re good-quality, I’ll look okay for a while. Doesn’t mean that dentures are anything to look forward to. But my gums will continue to recede, and there will come a point where I can’t fit dentures at all. Probably around the age of 40-50.

I didn’t know where else to vent about this. I’m not exactly gonna kill myself over my teeth tonight, but I’ve already come close. It’s now a matter of when,  not if. Because genuinely, what’s the point in living when all I have to look forward to is passing my 30th birthday without a tooth in my head?",5.2605040474905564,5.667802405504588,5.752479762547221,82.37028467350244,68.06422018348624,8.54020507285483,31.80922827846735,8.405096225971981,2.3133928764166214,2161,86,428,29,34,697,240,545,0.122,0.809,0.069,-0.972,1,0,4,0,1,2,69.0,0,2,7,7,18,31,4,1,19,1,43,24,17,3,8,78,90,34,2,5,17,1,3,4,0,5,7,1,0,1,28,28,1,1,13,1,0,12,20,18,0,0,8,14,54,13,63,75,12,58,0,3,10,0,15,30,0,7,26,270,82,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554371746678709,0.07078358039008317,0.0,0.15601140091017632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817000314395032,0.06292709269834464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435452381927769,0.17706397984989705,0.3016342149641137,0.078069076796956,0.06015007700004324,0.0,0.0,0.12503515793100933,0.0,0.07851816547472573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207088198039098,0.0,0.07477827676943359,0.18267373725933628,0.07411477102498512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060883263743393826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467624062523038,0.0,0.0,0.08197535923029084,0.0,0.11810110534183108,0.0,0.06260837374609983,0.07303935167166581,0.0,0.0933771970561928,0.0,0.11911497236243405,0.0,0.12705920066849866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148371034274799,0.05049934956548665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386287369800497,0.0,0.20086741383673065,0.05928953897467551,0.056535458783003735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501790468705914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450920694891056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377965574129543,0.0,0.0,0.15641106541685434,0.07361042387334206,0.116544432055768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992885507424305,0.1381378750095692,0.0,0.1248371735315631,0.0,0.4155194041392113,0.0,0.07716403981658737,0.06009620537368038,0.0,0.0,0.04718462841671848,0.0,0.07101535557518122,0.07699969300555133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056422295293345415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925899595245477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849039167728025,0.07654795514939391,0.0,0.0980119841426466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046834330842164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621336055352708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045284388848195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707707789153723,0.0,0.11265798481466716,0.0,0.07374274966574691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989350929866241,0.054418890813410385,0.0,0.0,0.05003316005610183,0.0,0.056451336108841677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604312637589753,0.0,0.0,0.05314839800125548,0.05681614354279468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264693104497315,0.0,0.0,0.08243720212984597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799234868599612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105152834443388,0.0,0.17497441401486566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814047773309942,0.0,0.15438459257639173,0.0,0.07203686603263659,0.0,0.0772859683464275,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrThrowaway0000001,2019/04/16,"Work Retaliation for Being Suicidal or a Suicide Attempt? Let me preface this with the following; I have a support network, including close friends who are aware, a loving and supportive partner, a therapist, and a caring primary care doctor. Currently on medication. I also have a normal and well paying office job. My life is pretty amazing but my severe depression and anxiety is a struggle. 

I’ve filed for FMLA for my therapy appointments (which were approved) and all my boss or anyone at work knows is that I have “medical appointments”. I have shared no details with them and I never signed a release of ALL medical records while applying for FMLA. The only thing that was listed were the diagnostic codes for major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and panic disorder. My work reviews have always been positive and my work performance has not been noticeably affected. 

That being said; I have a schedule switch coming up where I’ll be working overnight for a few months. I’m extremely concerned about my mental health during that time. I’ve worked those schedules while I was mentally much healthier and they were a struggle. I’ve already been thinking of and planning attempts but have not and do not currently have plans to act on them. I’m concerned that I might impulsively act on them during the extreme stress and social isolation of working night shift. 

So my question is: 
If I impulsively attempt and survive, what are the chances of my work finding out why I missed work and what are the chances of them retaliating in some way? I’d imagine I could just file the work missed with FMLA and it should be covered with the current documentation I have. I have plenty of PTO saved up as well. I’m concerned that I might not be allowed to return to work or that I might lose my job as a result of a failed attempt. Also, if there are visual indications (like scars on my wrists) and they assume (correctly) that I am (or have been) suicidal is there likelihood of some type of retaliation?",7.403287818900466,8.467989592286504,7.631333093783687,68.46028027308661,63.54545454545455,10.830949814349024,37.821176188765115,10.756437189917307,4.501675865373096,1614,80,256,41,23,525,187,363,0.175,0.733,0.091,-0.9913,6,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,6,22,10,22,0,4,21,0,43,8,1,4,4,61,58,31,3,5,13,0,0,1,2,4,6,1,0,1,16,23,0,0,6,0,1,4,6,10,2,0,10,1,34,12,34,37,7,28,0,6,0,1,14,11,0,13,13,195,50,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651041317148442,0.12538429944508492,0.06523060435129098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199433402749854,0.0,0.0,0.05481534144719883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598570807359561,0.0,0.0,0.06753002406101104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259172547276014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350423435964647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796940538602129,0.08024021598706388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165126293514784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060567489362843764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332981573616262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558912879487322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308363325227059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016381090006637,0.05537243889167833,0.038299651730546086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770352781679241,0.0,0.0,0.07075420576757417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369229979846453,0.15800667778532515,0.24949291138095475,0.0,0.0,0.06257383818662228,0.0,0.057629066297456885,0.0,0.06046276423540905,0.0,0.0,0.07356804077943653,0.07681008337510813,0.0,0.08925279508069514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596226415174716,0.0,0.091979196138953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797555124638765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781991645641223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457123632088898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856360706848335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991344317304612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980077296065317,0.16391015737051576,0.0,0.25725297272650743,0.17792257274073425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965108074627433,0.09102219671164613,0.05208190245909288,0.05023210740591332,0.0,0.0,0.04571253366964007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062226000815326414,0.0,0.0,0.1409723573615786,0.0,0.0707389515340327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277943917129942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,relevantusername-,2019/04/16,"I've been suicidal for years without ever thinking I'll really act on it apart from one or two moments, but it's always been there in the background. Anyone else? I think the worst part is knowing that it'll always be a part of me, just this lingering sense of depression that I'll always be able to tap into, that good things in life are just a brief distraction from. It was my birthday yesterday and the whole weekend was great, but here I am just kinda daydreaming about depression again and the most scary part is how casual it all is, how I can just causally think about suicide like it's no big deal.

I used to imagine asking friends to kill me as a teenager but now I'm in my mid-twenties and it's kinda just never left lol wtf. I'm a therapist now, how ironic is that.",4.8628481012658265,5.287773639240509,5.583392405063293,83.17394936708862,68.9367088607595,8.851645569620256,29.09113924050633,8.841846274778883,2.1282789873417722,617,21,125,10,10,201,97,158,0.243,0.637,0.12,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,0,16,10,1,1,8,1,14,1,0,4,3,29,22,11,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,5,0,2,4,0,8,5,17,15,7,19,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,4,10,91,21,0,0.14474532878159968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613191265584639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120929938062054,0.1483086945483327,0.0,0.0,0.13531734322768355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492260782277708,0.2493378791643677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091614888210928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093043670941987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182988196035143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140551438639625,0.0,0.1595822359776133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013926049221233,0.0,0.07954824728099437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572662232403242,0.0,0.10223790634636963,0.07071525627372381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116365208228417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808318082096426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702352572234596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927275640334626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166557931391208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806048296067844,0.09616236475279633,0.2782408863691043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139515390075086,0.0,0.0,0.12501349025327302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160299043096152,0.0,0.13952933169635914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321124607333314
suicidewatch,desert_shore,2019/04/16,"Accidental death I need to be free of this mental torment. It’s my first and last conscious thought. I don’t even know how to say it, everything that’s eating me up. If I can’t kill me may the universe’s fate find a way to put me to rest.",0.3994339622641512,2.0428919622641537,2.5704150943396264,95.51373584905664,82.20754716981132,5.749433962264153,21.92075471698113,6.742157984588678,0.257697358490566,186,6,46,2,5,63,42,53,0.18600000000000005,0.752,0.062,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,9,7,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,7,2,6,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31564543507483994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037438594659404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772361212478743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281939220973139,0.2623874298469609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412802604476561,0.0,0.1695289866255661,0.2514471010590601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31086876782387896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287292162930219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101011019349058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453105349065788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448935286175384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24485193247781575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nimlii,2019/04/16,"don't know what to do any more clue is in the title i guess. i don't want to kill myself, but my options feel like they're dwindling. i have ocd and it's getting worse and worse, to the point that i can hardly sleep any more because i have to keep doing mental rituals. i was treated for depression last year but my dr stopped treating me after i asked to switch to a different medication because of side effects. counselling hasn't helped, and i don't have a support network any more because of my friends leaving and my siblings falling out with each other. i don't want to die, i really don't, but i don't know what to do any more. i wake up, go to work, come home and sit doing rituals, pass out, and repeat. i'm sad and tired and hurting",4.956269841269844,4.729505175324679,5.795021645021649,83.99189754689756,68.67532467532467,8.402886002886003,32.046176046176036,7.793537801064563,2.0651985569985567,583,23,123,6,9,192,89,154,0.211,0.703,0.086,-0.9612,1,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,4,0,17,5,2,1,0,26,30,11,2,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,5,13,0,2,4,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,1,2,18,5,18,29,5,16,2,3,0,0,3,6,0,2,6,78,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236429221620836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559888729279788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848188648145345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415899393492547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341414075252514,0.0,0.16163687410083946,0.1627185170723874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874845179882489,0.11126298777895416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032682575001236,0.0,0.08136940459918543,0.0,0.08851246126219653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156871592612655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951533440013614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439139771377448,0.0,0.15622314859594688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672633860543234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843173026798947,0.17230679810441,0.0,0.1711848017990884,0.12695151140382988,0.0,0.16490958286705576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608827059776943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689490954398508,0.15695253497560938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722768394384805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977309502690372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585569629989718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020830598146027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673556087914954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900392110656582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372277312952334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338291935034853,0.0,0.3174312942240829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029352770115574
suicidewatch,OnTheVergeOfKms2,2019/04/16,"Nobody knows Nobody knows how much I want to die. Have to put up a fake personality otherwise some people i know will start worrying and i dont want them to waste their time on me. I had one person I was able to talk to but she doesn't really like me.. Even tho we're so similar nearly the same person perfect for each other, she hates me. It's not like she said it to my face but it's obvious. Even tho i would give my life for her... Without her liking me what's the point she's the sole reason that i still kinda  cared about life, atleast a little bit. Until i found out that she didn't really like me at all. She doesn't want to deal with the ugly mess that I am myself. Only spark of life that i've had in me was about 2 to 3 weeks ago when she went and got a drink with me... Happiest day i've had in a year or more  even though it only lasted 20 minutes or so. She was nice and made jokes, faked it all for sure. When i asked her to grab a drink next week she said that she didn't want to. I said it was okay, but it really wasn't i cried i cut and i cried even more still fucked up about it. (Not like  i wasn't depressed before she said that she didn't want to go grab a drink with me still was sad af but her talking to me n shit was the only thing keeping me going, now there is absolutely fucking nothing don't when i'm gonna end it have to cut ties first..) Tired of having to fucking laugh and smile and crack jokes all the fucking time because that's not what i feel like, only when i'm with her...",0.9113074278570681,2.3729564199395767,2.657753932701325,96.33700906344411,79.9667673716012,5.77397645588082,17.153974372330453,6.48374012150746,-0.4827165121366805,1169,19,288,10,29,387,158,331,0.155,0.677,0.168,0.1922,0,0,3,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,2,2,22,27,8,0,12,1,25,13,2,3,6,46,57,23,1,6,10,0,3,6,0,3,4,4,0,3,20,12,3,1,6,5,0,4,13,13,0,2,22,7,48,14,36,32,10,35,0,2,0,4,31,10,5,4,27,186,68,0,0.08395359807039551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441979921915759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848528129313183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511773341545882,0.0,0.07143832848323131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165558530160696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085596288446774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443817064613385,0.05414312544752434,0.0865524732204571,0.07230911099961933,0.0,0.08713058023331778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983929916847312,0.24672769392118302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435796914227691,0.0,0.0,0.22180223896102166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244946170776905,0.059976467236212624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141088763096297,0.0,0.09205078699460548,0.0,0.310454994423297,0.0,0.08053594120386899,0.09542552898966504,0.0,0.06714536168403412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288679712742222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462181539979076,0.0,0.0,0.1384161057696668,0.06843338756484223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778967273599431,0.2460929241429415,0.08414356066811213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943892440728759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171555440654131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928560398067008,0.0,0.0,0.08055574158960557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688913078869552,0.2554019777062122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820285415819679,0.21991513078150413,0.0,0.0,0.07936328637753817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439655420012811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613484740359055,0.08631828126838026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194363877818346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617716197363909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594227888210238,0.0,0.20113635559890453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912527263132567,0.0,0.0,0.13495744404641974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055775040119852966,0.0,0.08248398384846409,0.0,0.09790803634359832,0.09649231090873417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24759003652320755,0.0,0.13468502473820046,0.0,0.0,0.07782582650636383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092827264872772,0.0,0.0,0.0852589540451151,0.0,0.05963822732280629,0.0,0.0,0.054063364630500765
suicidewatch,mrpeasantboi,2019/04/16,"My boyfriend might've had a weed-induced psychosis and ended up trying to commit suicide Looking back, it all started two months ago.

He one day just started trying to tell me and his friends that he thinks he figured out a way to ""save the world,"" (his phrasing, not mine.) I mean we all have thought about that, I'm sure, but he actually dove deep into some planning - as in things countries have to do and stuff, even came up with mathematical equations to support it. On the complex stuff, he had some friends' help - there had been people on board with the plan so even though it had been a little odd for me to have him come up with it, I didn't get really worried. 

Overtime, it had just been little silly paranoid ideas. At first he was like, ""Don't you think someone will be after me for trying to change the world like this?"" Then at some point started having his apartment door locked all the time (they never really locked it even when they go to university or anything so that had really been something else.) But those things didn't seem really trivial or something to be concerned about so they had been easily brushed off - I didn't realize they were gonna snowball into something big. 

Overtime he ended up losing himself in that ""project"" per se that to everyone around him, that's all he wanted to talk about. At first I really didn't see it as anything but him just being so passionate about what he's doing. I had never been exhausted to hear his thoughts because that's one of the things that made me fall in love with him - his beautiful mind. 

Last Sunday, he celebrated his birthday dinner with his family. I was supposed to be part of it but I ended up not going because I felt mentally exhausted by two major ""fights"" we had over the weekend. We never really had fights, those have just been the ones I can remember. The issue had been things I do that are kind of self-destructive. I am in a sense a compulsive liar (I paint a nicer picture about my life because I don't want to be pitied, that kind of lying. As in I say I finished uni when I really didn't.)

Anyway. 

The weekend had been mentally exhausting for me. At first I was thinking that fueled his psychosis, but now I'm reconsidering thinking that that's when it peaked. He was able to completely play god in a sense, over me. But Sunday after his dinner with his family, that's when he changed. I remember the next day when I woke up seeing a text from him from Sunday 10 p.m. casually saying that his family has left, if I wanted to come back.

I was able to see him again Monday around lunch time. That's when I noticed things were off. Sunday dinner didn't seem to have ended in a nice way. Dishes were all over the kitchen, there was melted chocolate splattered on his wall, I saw a plate of strawberries beside his bed, and chocolate wipings on his bed. The last part I brushed off and thought he must've fallen asleep eating. He has quite the sweet tooth. 

Then I asked him with caution about Sunday dinner. He nonchalantly admitted that things didn't end well. He said his family called him crazy for having came up with the ideas he has (I think he was referring to the ""living in harmony"" aka after he's saved the world). He said at some point to me that his mom and sister might be members of the Illuminati for some reason. Alarm went off in my head. At some point Sunday, his family confronted him about his weed addiction. (I have no idea how bad is bad, and he had been functioning normally like every other human being despite of how much he smoked so I really didn't feel the need to point it out ever.)

He also said his sister walked out, and his mom had a breakdown. What's weird is that if things ended that badly, I really didn't understand how they were in touch on Facebook the next day as if nothing happened. That's when I realized that that's when he started blowing things out of proportion.

Then along came the distrust. One moment he's saying sorry for distrusting me, the next, he's distrusting me again. It had been the same cycle over and over for three days. I know I should've brought him to the ER or something as soon as I felt something was off but I was really hoping it was just a few days thing and that he would end up snapping out of it.

Tuesday though, I went home to him after work only to get a message when I was already on the front door that he can't let me in, and he needs the rest of the day as a break from me. I was fine with it, I was understanding, but I pointed out that I have to still come up for a bit because all my work stuff are at his apartment. At first he didn't know what to do, then ended up deciding he would just throw my bag out (ouch, I know.) I okayed to it to not cause any issue. 

But of course I was so worried in my head, I knew he has those issues he has to deal with at the moment. After he threw the bag, I got it and left. The bag sounded funny so I opened it, a hard plastic container of cookies fell out, shattered, and ended up with cookie crumbs all over the sidewalk. I was like, ""Fuck it,"" then left the mess to head to the bus stop. I waited less than 10 minutes for the next bus only to have him text me to come back before the next stop. 

Then I got off the next stop, walked back to his apartment. On my way back I saw the cookie crumbs again all over the sidewalk. Trying to shift the mood, I texted him: ""Honey, have you seen the sidewalk? Your cookies are all over, and now the birds are picking up the crumbs. 😆"" Then he texted back, ""What are you saying? You're scaring me! You're redrum (for those who didn't get it, it's a reference to The Shining), aren't you?"" Then there went another few back and forth texting with me standing outside his apartment for god knows how long. 

But at some point he changed his mind. He decided to come down and go for a walk to the park with me, only to change his mind as soon as he realized he forgot his keys upstairs. Throughout the night, he had been a little more paranoid in so many little ways. He then decided to not sleep because he wanted to look after me to repay me for all the good things I've done to him. He didn't go to bed until about 4 a.m. Looking back, I think that was just him paranoid that I would kill him in his sleep because I was an agent sent by the Russian government (his words, not mine) to get rid of him.

Wednesday, he had a hangout with friends. I was really happy about it, I was hoping it would take his mind off things, make him feel better, realize that nothing's changed with his friendships, and see that there's nothing to worry about. Three hours in, he's calling me telling me he's on his way home because the night didn't go well as planned. As soon as he's home he told me he's getting weird vibes from his friends as if they didn't want him there and stuff.

Then came bedtime. He didn't sleep at all. I was in and out of sleep checking what he's up to then at some point the next day, I woke up to his bedroom window open. It was so cold and so early in the day, around 6 a.m. He was sitting with his back exposed to the outside, his thighs hanging in the room, feet touching the bed. I only had a moment to register what was happening in my head but as soon as we caught each other's eyes, he let himself go. 

I quickly bolted up and held whatever part of his body that I could still hold onto so he wouldn't fall. It was his thigh and I held onto it as hard as I can while I screamed, ""No, no, no, no, what are you doing?"" Then his roommate's name for what it felt like one million times through the tears. At some point he said, ""Why won't you let let me go,"" with the most curious face I've ever seen, without any regret of what he's doing. 

Then proceeded to tell me that he's only coming up when his roommate came in the door, as proof that he really cared for him. Then I was like, ""He's not coming, he's sleeping! There's no way he can come."" I don't know if the next part had actually been blocked in my head but next thing I knew was he obliged to coming up, even offered to close the window. I was frantically screaming through my tears and I was like, ""No, I'll do it!"" Then he answered with, ""What? You're going to kill me?""

Then his roommate groggily came knocking. My boyfriend took him to the kitchen to talk. I shouted, ""He tried to kill himself,"" with my voice shaking. No response from roommate, figured he must've really just gotten out of sleep. I tried my best to understand what they were talking about but the roommate didn't sound freaked out in any way. When he came back, I had decided he must be taken to the hospital, he surprisingly just said yes to it. No hassle. I let him get ready then after probably 10 minutes, we drove there. 

The first three days he was institutionalized, he made two suicide attempts. Today is his sixth day. I don't know if it's the meds or his actual emotions but since yesterday, I can feel that he's been pulling away from me in a way. Today I woke up to a text from him asking me to come see him as soon as I can, that he needed me. Went straight from work as soon as I got off but 30 minutes after I've been with him, I found out he called his uncle that he really trusted and asked him to come as well. They ended up talking about things I couldn't relate to so I got left out. 

That made me leave earlier than I thought I would, confused, and honestly hurt to some extent. I haven't properly talked to him since yesterday after he was moved to this other hospital, can't get him to call me or text me or tell me what's happening, even the slightest. We had basically been living together for a month before all this happened so please bear with me. But am I being too selfish at this point? Doesn't he want me in his life anymore? Is it just the meds? What should I do?",4.306028255091636,4.950698531882594,4.893456593627345,86.84511512192108,70.26012145748986,7.835207219457923,27.02728930370553,7.837835450413915,1.3966803829155985,7633,236,1614,89,131,2445,551,1976,0.093,0.809,0.098,0.9603,0,0,6,0,2,5,254.0,6,7,8,16,99,73,11,5,90,2,166,37,19,11,21,275,307,126,5,29,45,4,10,7,5,12,6,16,16,1,109,93,9,10,52,5,1,49,47,33,4,17,141,45,229,39,286,138,39,337,0,4,14,3,220,135,1,29,149,1106,338,6,0.05019062946298715,0.0,0.07346822140580073,0.027357597264906625,0.0,0.0,0.02224548234482264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027693303840735525,0.02006871412408792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119702371727807,0.026314625596770964,0.0,0.0,0.024887808901415356,0.0,0.0,0.04130261152925471,0.06702045188015683,0.07038219496641768,0.0,0.02357787427748333,0.1929674798718596,0.06286061870640157,0.1070850965381988,0.0,0.04270852895846745,0.0,0.026335984552820917,0.02219476653088584,0.02739758405726001,0.027875237332951813,0.0,0.0,0.10250048866099176,0.2009164820929145,0.02558634588380997,0.02577980105183624,0.1327375773296746,0.2377913070517169,0.02631196003762793,0.0,0.0,0.020036566788752843,0.0,0.0,0.16184401918224553,0.025872167556597818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025681219877492487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025678772022508838,0.020963915297710186,0.02822885133591113,0.22227000168062425,0.0,0.0,0.08287609350300716,0.04540029781703714,0.0211438850133326,0.0239796486620286,0.0,0.0,0.11828814651518155,0.0,0.03806683547424748,0.0,0.0722863128393376,0.0,0.0,0.1067303094533048,0.0,0.02751571730105382,0.07755431163972873,0.02320021408875161,0.09177886323400804,0.0,0.11409796546930186,0.021048759357633846,0.08028406276561947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876681575404052,0.026714429177156187,0.044960945554520335,0.0,0.12877516456493862,0.0,0.028284243574313313,0.0,0.016820860477988836,0.0,0.07551794046774603,0.04985061988924056,0.02471382994432246,0.0,0.026865053453708567,0.08498866715894585,0.0,0.0785789658366674,0.0,0.0,0.08329274271056629,0.0522658170435498,0.08275037206350262,0.04091206186641296,0.0,0.02657231482325544,0.1090645315346707,0.12830829786272255,0.0354511259029627,0.08582212215148477,0.10060839254675913,0.044319245350776165,0.02220856383387121,0.06322123187380088,0.02807523805163624,0.0,0.0,0.022649501331675717,0.07123738073479394,0.016751317451584462,0.02544271027233696,0.0,0.027336154686205368,0.055750474665903625,0.0,0.05058034953665592,0.0532443263008244,0.10135645603495842,0.05878265862109715,0.0400616815908201,0.026672348040465848,0.01844794383156892,0.0558235736754724,0.058065161394022576,0.0,0.2402023672537362,0.047100505744529404,0.02458808019703506,0.07223889392774759,0.02857118215243155,0.0,0.0,0.08502617366955037,0.09543058845746244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870312133455813,0.0,0.017397931440013233,0.0,0.0,0.027547119593602568,0.2135086554944285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027056993760956376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026691956260292082,0.0,0.0,0.22507381706955626,0.025802163162741792,0.0,0.0,0.056856199103088666,0.0,0.1193569553944968,0.07982720610665149,0.02512478795927645,0.0,0.09998858369824573,0.045691664034891916,0.026179886349724072,0.0,0.0,0.04151820734743681,0.0,0.15068062960600329,0.0,0.0212631787346201,0.09659799663226304,0.0,0.02809215025822873,0.07105037172730888,0.0,0.04008230152302067,0.06294242042801261,0.0,0.0,0.11491252546445628,0.05490040236370753,0.028477865764364688,0.02365203714358205,0.0,0.01886855352763008,0.1008533169377383,0.08773764478438702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21673875612031127,0.09648038625326673,0.049312038615640166,0.0796915068917944,0.043899839493327215,0.0,0.047574848094647605,0.0239796486620286,0.027881818043067972,0.10222842841776872,0.0,0.07354342800245976,0.07837532300787974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881120095491737,0.15935594194486696,0.0,0.0,0.06769110530925851,0.09305443270117676,0.02264461821866268,0.0,0.0,0.02419098787276524,0.0,0.05480906402484975,0.07645653079619212,0.0,0.08913495782749199,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randomkidfromhawaii,2019/04/16,"Hi 16(m) Hey sup r/SuicideWatch, I’m currently in the ER for.... ya yeah ya know. Weird first time here. Anything I can excpect?",-1.7811000000000021,-2.69010576,0.2607499999999998,98.759125,146.6,4.45,19.125,5.985473137389443,0.5238999999999998,96,4,21,2,8,31,23,25,0.071,0.8370000000000001,0.092,0.128,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5757669951281318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951370849225699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845191325249963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079819287581399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Emily120105,2019/04/16,"Anyone else? I don't connect with anyone anymore, I just cant seem to care about anyone or anything anymore.  I go about my day knowing nobody truly cares if I live or die.",1.1121428571428569,3.4972178571428607,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,84.71428571428572,3.5,23.035714285714285,3.1291,0.10514285714285744,135,5,25,0,4,45,27,35,0.174,0.6679999999999999,0.158,-0.1601,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593635574018046,0.485813570671042,0.23729827496425546,0.1905844206416284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722567146291274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936076673172752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24036089830170115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346939592738926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162179000444796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727953619777982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045042041099301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083701479926584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,That-crazy-bitch,2019/04/16,"I have no hope You all probably wont read this but if you  do, thank you. I am actually SO hopeless that i cant bring myself out of this depression. It happens a lot and usually I am able to snap out of it.. not this time.  Suicide is racing through my mind. Why? I don't know. I mean, i'm taking my medicine properly, reaching out to therapists and all that. It just wont go away and.. maybe I don't want it to? Maybe I'm just tired of fighting. Tired of living.",-0.82806526806527,1.2795269393939428,1.8022222222222235,95.70538461538463,92.73737373737372,5.470396270396272,20.746697746697755,7.010146845296331,0.4996054390054399,353,13,84,6,13,121,61,99,0.233,0.657,0.111,-0.9388,0,0,0,0,2,2,17.0,0,3,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,10,2,0,0,2,19,21,6,1,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,0,0,13,2,12,19,3,8,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,3,2,58,22,1,0.1895388595886948,0.0,0.18496258564936832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807799782130249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324954202973124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771930182898856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760858757258634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825485443580686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416560036054058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736628552969995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113916044854784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808345204222001,0.20646338331279235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138021672934746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043549481734228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18959015149591585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073247489882806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250963400857894,0.0,0.0,0.17450191656037833,0.0,0.2200692246888012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052163325730044,0.43569407360918105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875027598856224,0.0,0.111794930167931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710293398950833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aijitsutokkion,2019/04/16,"Should I tell my doctor that I am suicidal? I am going to the doctor in about an hour and I don't know what will happen if I tell them I am suicidal. I don't know what they can do at this point. in this current moment I am not a threat to myself or anyone else but I think about suicide increasingly and I am worried for myself sometimes.

Any recommendations on what I should do?
What happens when you tell a doctor something like that? Will they lock me up?",1.3082978723404253,3.57019131914894,3.1398297872340457,89.29400000000004,82.61702127659575,5.4621276595744686,20.038297872340426,6.742157984588678,0.2908289361702123,360,10,75,4,10,120,56,94,0.166,0.78,0.055,-0.9076,1,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,14,3,0,0,0,11,20,6,3,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,19,1,10,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,5,62,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813879180830596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119021280830957,0.16293438853020334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4882899452508446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284048411007332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037451230884826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28124104229147523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660228957213987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478604432263126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768895192426427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032493668176095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242106929419493,0.1572744662189877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218249495095016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169704600376583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189334892045604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149213891440495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alt-fake-trowaway,2019/04/16,"My grades are bad and I want to die It feels like no one really cares, I'm failing multiple classes and I just don't know how to fix it. It really does seem like the easiest thing to do right now is to just end it. I wouldn't have to worry about getting good grades to get into college to get a job I don't care for. I would have do deal with the panic of waking up in the morning realizing that it's not the weekend. I would have to listen to my grandparents scream and yell at me and each other. At this point I don't fear death, I crave it. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because there are still thing I want to do in life, but I know that I'll never be able to do them.",2.593026315789473,2.7547764605263154,4.3893157894736845,90.66621052631581,73.86842105263158,7.658947368421052,22.43684210526316,7.554174236665415,0.5721636842105258,530,11,130,6,10,181,88,152,0.098,0.7829999999999999,0.118,-0.0024,2,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,1,1,8,10,0,2,6,0,20,2,1,2,1,24,33,6,2,5,4,0,1,2,0,3,1,3,0,0,13,7,0,0,6,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,1,4,15,5,21,28,1,14,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,8,92,28,6,0.1694977904404411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415235750903318,0.10332427983088056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456285875791887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474477932109214,0.0,0.0,0.1759119462272186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832865863988332,0.17345508799646142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012473272064325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907321374362504,0.08570317568545244,0.12108925535791105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656667992254565,0.0,0.0,0.14216670485324331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820040307402176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863031057517953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972130203326682,0.16561611749020286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307271451949984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485608943973798,0.1289107074929142,0.0,0.19886913674274886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023019849375833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716924959024195,0.17427195838990733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144750186915944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430442252517265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135361154394958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521360083018765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994837667618784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213323381080953,0.0,0.24081273439940815,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,fatfaceforlife,2019/04/16,"Somebody stole my suicide plans A good friend of my sisters committed suicide about a year ago and it really pissed me off. Not that he killed himself, I was glad for him that his suffering was finally over. But the guy did it the exact way I’ve always planned! He had a last dinner with his family and told them all he loved them, hung out with his siblings and their kids and they all have a great last memory with him. Then he drove out to a secluded area, hiked out from there about a mile or two and killed himself. I’m not sure the exact method he used because it was never mentioned but I’m assuming alcohol/pill mix. I know this doesn’t seem like some crazy special way to do it but it’s always been my plan. And now all I can think is if I do it that same way my poor sister will take it really hard. I’m sure she won’t be stoked anyway I do it but man it really frustrates me that he did it that way, mostly because he got to it before me. I wish I’d stop procrastinating.",2.6357038834951467,3.907781635922333,3.980764563106799,89.45425364077671,74.87378640776699,7.480097087378643,22.583737864077676,8.07648339933343,0.9338165048543692,771,20,172,12,16,254,121,206,0.14,0.736,0.124,-0.6544,0,0,2,0,0,2,15.0,0,0,4,3,5,14,4,0,9,0,17,3,1,1,9,39,30,13,4,2,8,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,17,12,1,1,4,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,10,1,25,9,16,17,6,21,0,1,0,1,28,7,1,6,10,110,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244964862675947,0.14762587964106896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298812228176935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841342359521938,0.0,0.11754396428152197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130222772902613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132175410181845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672389636884157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586231970246945,0.11048035645613677,0.1522959491347862,0.0,0.1367768260442982,0.0,0.0,0.12374314702956316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30565508148194576,0.0,0.07591619297380459,0.2251993246307132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748650315958232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467356008041305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653936381243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26548128534959115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575425696594544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154882767604825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021977619859652,0.0,0.26038398202794977,0.0,0.10386143639143136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851227418493586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199531964933692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349392620955309,0.0,0.0,0.11930556077335205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43858521013990653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885012669434664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895535962264496
suicidewatch,SevenSqueakyShoes,2019/04/16,"What would talking to someone even do? What do I say? You always hear things like ""I'm here for you"" and ""you can talk to me"" but I've never understood what that means. Just me whining about life? Putting *my* problems on *their* shoulders too? Maybe even mentioning suicide so they can worry and treat you differently.

I'm only contemplating the idea of ""talking to someone"" as kind of a last resort because all else has failed. But I've never had a serious conversation about... myself and feelings or whatever. It's not the way I was raised. I *have* gone to a therapist a few times for my social anxiety but I never mentioned anything else to her. It feels weird talking to someone who's getting paid to listen.

The only person I'm even remotely close to is my boyfriend. Together for 2 years and I can't even imagine actually opening up to him. I just can't. I'm supposed to be fun and caring and nice. Not a burden.",1.4591814427981509,4.113972435754192,3.2005246538741834,85.97811027447172,87.2122905027933,5.794607724070926,25.65970366771921,7.255503002510835,1.5759169783823168,722,32,135,12,23,239,111,179,0.136,0.748,0.116,-0.6921,1,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,4,2,1,11,12,0,0,8,0,13,2,1,0,4,28,27,12,1,2,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,8,8,0,0,6,0,1,2,7,6,0,0,5,5,20,6,20,20,2,13,0,2,0,0,21,4,0,1,7,95,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.12765777603659936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884958796670513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007406261309676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765061610526408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974436337908172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337587122420064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667512398494336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856035870066876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456115609416888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322892391950535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834608415972285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743940560221164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767560763311433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622497943012454,0.0,0.10663269229202436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239937630520297,0.06391020521114855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142249213369214,0.1424972312869104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026806377069259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898328483093103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422369160942515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251734708996346,0.0,0.1315064490414455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403032158458282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335067870200756,0.3325205171857337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430917300397314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205805416218591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518877328581884,0.08690849455669944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627999930918901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383583928009534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285023780560765,0.0,0.09292810087662162,0.0,0.0,0.08424136711708599
suicidewatch,yomattchill,2019/04/16,"I’m failing high school three weeks before graduation and I’m pretty positive I will kill myself. I let myself slip away due to depression of my fathers death, girlfriend leaving me, and mental abuse at my home. The thought of not being able to get my diploma and the reactions of not graduating hurts snd scares me so bad. I feel like I’ll not gonna be able to get anywhere in life and that in a few years I’d be homeless. I just don’t see the point anymore. I wanted to be something so bad and make people proud for once. Killing myself seems like the best option for me right now.",3.6063182674199648,5.013479838983057,4.423333333333336,86.70179849340867,72.64406779661017,6.9393596986817325,26.670433145009408,7.3871296695380915,1.2908218455743876,463,16,94,5,9,149,80,118,0.234,0.615,0.152,-0.9326,0,0,1,0,1,2,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,12,2,1,5,0,7,1,0,1,0,15,18,7,3,1,4,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,2,14,4,13,10,2,11,0,3,1,0,2,7,0,2,6,55,15,4,0.32392313725562344,0.1918979746722649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062235570705452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216822517464634,0.0,0.2704622893299634,0.0,0.0,0.1378173658690757,0.0,0.1699686740401695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949726173452293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818926354988577,0.1157053769891603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923646978160914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112128956244685,0.16246065887282204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733832089849104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583729581678017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149391577247478,0.0,0.16561667715393694,0.11439824569444965,0.1582524828734364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811060471125583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321916740934697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248378473484074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228375882321368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310603295866299,0.0,0.0,0.16477314152944905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831429466517492,0.0,0.0,0.16215178462053045,0.1639137541668197,0.12906240096138696,0.14744372922765145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246859282560132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857939420771033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552912945623078,0.0,0.1299158009820115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429794007769808
suicidewatch,limppjuice,2019/04/16,"I fucking hate the internet i go on to look up the easiest artery or vein to stab so i can finally just fucking die, but i can’t find any real answers because it’s just “don’t kill yourself, you have so much to live for!” when i fucking don’t. my life is shit. I’ve struggled with depression since i was 12, i’m a fucking tranny, and the love of my life just dumped me. I want to die. I just want a solid, consise, informed answer on how to fucking kill myself with a knife because i don’t have a gun.",1.4475000000000016,2.8030554166666697,3.6214814814814815,90.47166666666668,78.16666666666666,6.2814814814814826,26.814814814814817,6.937597516519254,1.1353814814814815,387,16,87,4,9,133,67,108,0.34700000000000003,0.556,0.097,-0.9895,0,0,0,1,0,2,12.0,0,1,0,0,8,13,10,1,7,0,9,10,2,1,0,17,21,7,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,12,0,0,1,1,14,1,12,20,1,6,0,1,1,6,3,3,6,1,2,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924755840546516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779333518356686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570215605169605,0.0,0.3029355953061294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987553924266695,0.13339102380641515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6746186894109228,0.0,0.0,0.08294386814157949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440904052490889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229328873712822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617044311150332,0.0,0.0,0.12887204876578176,0.0,0.1225569856855362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317209991746953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728631763801984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611728399521128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981037538353498,0.12072715587999087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257333093844516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721642043589733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,giant-toad,2019/04/16,"I’m going to kill myself All I do is disappoint my parents. I can’t do anything right. I’m a failure.

As I’m writing this, my mom called me and scolded me for missing a homework assignment. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t imagine the disappointed look she’ll have when she gets home.

I’m just a useless piece of shit. I have to kill myself today.

I don’t know how, but I have to.

I can’t take it anymore. I don’t deserve anything.

Goodbye.",-0.7705748987854264,1.3797670842105312,2.1652631578947386,92.55453441295546,93.94736842105264,4.186234817813766,25.202429149797567,5.873414542411696,0.7316882591093123,343,17,74,3,13,120,54,95,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.9267,1,0,0,0,0,4,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,4,0,13,1,1,1,1,8,24,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,0,1,17,0,6,23,2,4,0,4,1,0,6,1,1,0,2,49,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159537370446264,0.0,0.0,0.3451484155023176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141382829055274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956529329311876,0.0,0.11918354111178367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035713828070396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4640280941885343,0.0,0.1152516299512734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610434465216432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456108794442064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328591443645729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909196854763948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152652321810956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153530061056505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987814187730053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AlarmedFix,2019/04/16,"I dont know how much longer i can go here and there i have great few days and its great. i feel like myself and feel i could do anything. but every single time i plummet. everyone says depression, sadness and the hard days always come to an end but it feels like only the good days end and the bad keep happening. I dont know how much longer i can take it. I feel like one day it will never get better and i should just quit. im quite young and i feel my life cant get any better. im starting to not do well in school and i feel like everything is falling apart.",0.27326764144946125,2.3044860661157043,1.8879338842975208,98.10504767959314,85.03305785123969,5.0453909726637,16.74570883661793,6.297961479604792,-0.5249521932612846,438,9,104,4,13,142,71,121,0.189,0.659,0.151,-0.7302,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,6,13,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,2,1,27,28,12,0,2,4,0,7,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,8,0,0,3,5,3,1,1,0,8,14,10,3,25,4,15,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,14,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633436449129132,0.0,0.0,0.07873120706093521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527324708632516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666758002735164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20478777466385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973021125122172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924371950221305,0.0,0.0,0.2986620876129818,0.0,0.0997171379841935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713756922984601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508518958900945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754572443019728,0.11062830690028004,0.10405141796128477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512369690583497,0.3308397283008699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209756822416112,0.0,0.0657977985756676,0.09710686936684534,0.0,0.2552854608074311,0.0,0.0,0.10237975829217026,0.0,0.10371197162718307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501144869798974,0.0,0.0,0.10290644927014972,0.0,0.0,0.12725420745703125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177555250347954,0.22624794888179955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021640480576453,0.0,0.08929308605876242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784523724083269,0.08805236954337729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462826683201821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206920398027492,0.0,0.11717083359575975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194638753479927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704865362453709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750953672966209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409594232893317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SteveSmith2929,2019/04/16,"I don’t know how I’ve made it this long It’s been nothing but misery and regret for the past 5 years.  I can’t change the past, therefore the future will never get better for me, only worse.",2.520162601626016,3.402512073170733,3.842439024390245,91.85601626016262,74.60975609756099,5.466666666666668,18.54471544715447,3.1291,-0.5892016260162602,149,2,33,0,3,49,33,41,0.244,0.667,0.08900000000000001,-0.7883,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,1,8,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26255182874663674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31404244440063694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509903683725065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631485323691311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262715043219992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28089962200493096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22895959563642196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28484873796668936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257782300436249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5667800075561611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025294841388703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117049736425248
suicidewatch,Thalson,2019/04/16,I just don't care anymore title,-0.4357142857142868,1.8118882857142853,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,94.71428571428572,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,-0.1874571428571428,26,1,5,0,1,9,7,7,0.396,0.604,0.0,-0.3875,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6972540081167118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7168241403337227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CaptainFunktastic,2019/04/16,"First, it took my mind. I was born with  add, depression, bipolar, autism and a future of Alzheimer's.

Then, it took my mother. I was only thee months old when she elected to lose her mind. We haven't spoken since.

Then, it tried to take my father and with him, my home. When he decided to engage a women with five children,  effectively replacing me. He took us all across the country. Luckily, he swiftly realized the gravity of his mistake.

Then, it took my grandfather. It sad to say, but I barely knew him. But, he was gone when I was 8, and we'd moved before I had the chance to know him.

Then, it tried once again to take my father. A friend and I were caught in a compromising position. He didn't take it well. And I nearly lost him.

Then, it took my friend. After my father beat me, my friends father decided it would be best to leave ""such an embarrassing thing"", behind.

Then, it took my house. We moved to a knew city. I was too young to drive. I lost my friends.

Then, it took my home. Dad found a new woman and moved to another state. I had no choice but to follow. I hated her. They would last 17 years.

Then, it brought me back.

Then, it took my grandmother. She didn't recognize my father when he visited. The doctors say I'll likely get it soon.

Then, it took my dog. Nearly 20 years, he was my only friend.

Then, it took the women to whom I lost my virginity. We were ... Religiously incompatible.

Then, it took my friends. One moved across the country, one devolved into a meth hound, one just disappeared.

Then, it took my car. It was my dream, but rent was more important. I watched it get driven away into the scrap yard.

Then, it took my first attempt at a wife. Her children, of course, came first. I wasn't good enough.

Then, it took my wife, and with her, my daughter. My psych said that seeing either of them is unhealthy, and that my daughter being around a man as broken as I am wouldn't be beneficial.

It's been 8 months. I still love her. I will always love her.

You see. It's simple. Life has taken everything. It seems only fair that for once, I should take something from it.",0.7462750625142078,3.217399419277111,2.1924482837008408,93.29025005683113,88.54216867469879,5.348942941577632,18.4325983177995,6.892418011121327,0.17907501704932915,1609,44,343,23,53,518,192,415,0.109,0.757,0.134,0.9442,1,0,2,0,0,0,94.0,5,2,2,12,13,22,1,1,17,0,29,6,0,1,1,43,70,33,0,5,6,11,0,1,6,5,3,3,4,6,31,20,0,0,9,2,1,28,6,9,1,7,43,6,68,13,36,18,5,76,0,6,3,3,59,10,0,1,38,232,99,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298112246691565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541648022209469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04598392767673952,0.0,0.0,0.04853160050990603,0.0397195291413015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043954625454880776,0.0,0.05420876650331289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907959258772985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044490401139630716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287111141173262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337345363985292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046424209697822835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181322488346014,0.0,0.05663707355813378,0.23945128551608866,0.0,0.05397524176759807,0.0,0.0,0.0433257879125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099864736820812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362841238297624,0.0,0.0,0.05960296860167129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02838825326779105,0.04210574327375807,0.0,0.054695217747311564,0.0,0.0,0.036485474892705434,0.025236038173211253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778876506453055,0.16916269959493987,0.0,0.09324136157831778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431370902011404,0.0,0.08246110331402891,0.21960448588823867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988874928665162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054203264054148916,0.11002184096687023,0.10500835431183647,0.1178579325923142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04913576185123916,0.08215630533516148,0.0,0.0,0.08232474128049383,0.047024798747270835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042729574115964813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976656527591455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041251773212026624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553526142731581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03431730627312399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8034689363271544,0.07014074848786919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213464026372679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046444074958872365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338850167476417,0.0,0.0,0.06652829072623406
suicidewatch,whynotwest00,2019/04/16,What exactly is the point of living.. Everyone dies someday. Does it make any difference if its today or 40 years down the road? Seems to make alot more sense to die today.,1.9631818181818201,4.666794939393941,3.0032575757575763,88.22488636363637,84.45454545454547,6.936363636363637,20.37121212121212,8.07648339933343,1.2592484848484853,135,4,26,3,4,43,29,33,0.115,0.885,0.0,-0.6326,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,4,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708954043445308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5216279562131914,0.26255929524335536,0.0,0.0,0.21991790982241646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013183520788295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22190612279408592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33549487388181953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375636014394821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877781265775265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764138017081994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183159989696086
suicidewatch,Shughartx3,2019/04/16,Still not over ex who cheated on me for 4 years straight. Contemplating EX gf cheated on me for 4 years with multiple guys. Would self harm when I caught her so I ended up staying for way too long. Caught her cheating on me while we were on vacation together and she claimed she had been raped. I couldn't take any more lies and now I'm thinking of just going away.,2.250173745173747,4.36360112162162,2.884208494208494,93.21310810810814,78.32432432432431,6.390733590733591,25.43629343629344,7.447530270364453,1.0825428571428573,289,11,63,4,7,90,56,74,0.257,0.72,0.023,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,11,5,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,5,0,11,0,12,4,1,21,0,0,0,1,11,8,0,0,8,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064725047345157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852616659087881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689178431217412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255465507369375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063225313072217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686947874152453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31674263360361626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236192950405852,0.2424719033478465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282849992851609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454790104080494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099999928253185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215683451878122,0.0,0.0,0.3910435848649999
suicidewatch,strangeronthenet1,2019/04/16,"Why can't we die? It seems like everybody is very concerned that you don't commit suicide, but they don't care whether you're actually able to live. Why would they care if someone they see as a loser or undeserving offs themself? Is it just so they don't feel guilty?",2.6355555555555554,4.761264777777782,3.4812592592592613,89.3396666666667,77.14814814814815,6.542222222222222,25.61481481481481,7.554174236665415,1.202241481481482,214,8,45,3,5,68,41,54,0.265,0.596,0.139,-0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,1,1,4,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,12,6,2,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,3,11,0,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,3,1,26,9,0,0.2478254133677247,0.0,0.2418418542012372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053490512527554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572036524889106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253079753192251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107497882631504,0.0,0.2188343803757512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748476838964352,0.22561094865839035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20998166852260947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710807785320505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044819204052878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472477775743272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760480631979562,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,56-Fifty-Six,2019/04/16,"I’m starting to run out of reasons for why I shouldn’t kill myself I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and I really thing this is it. For years I’ve stopped myself, giving myself reasons why I shouldn’t. I used to tell myself I had a whole career ahead of me and so many stories that I wanted to write, and then as I stopped writing as much that stopped being a reason. Now all I’ve got is  the fact that I have younger siblings and a family who cares about me (for the most part), and as much as it pains me to type I don’t think that’s going to be enough. 

Every day is either waking up and feeling absolutely nothing, being completely numb and emotionless, or being so crippled by anxiety that I can’t do anything but sit there and wish I was dead. I’ve gone to counseling and therapy and am in the process of starting up therapy again but it’s very hard to believe it’ll make a difference this time. I can’t keep living like this and I don’t know what else I can do.",5.974084446359327,4.894271914691945,6.822662645411463,80.3123739767342,66.81990521327015,10.137182249030591,32.92589401120207,9.339509955726095,2.6878872037914694,798,29,169,13,11,267,116,211,0.112,0.82,0.068,-0.7759,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,7,0,23,3,1,5,2,40,39,24,2,4,4,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,14,0,4,7,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,2,22,2,28,27,8,21,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,14,123,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473947372341568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474154730477103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434022778561274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977162259326386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345187168178954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208581667609302,0.13122128415957102,0.109627074175442,0.0,0.0,0.13298171884363574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063270744656444,0.0,0.0,0.13151545976877296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723986451859006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199893472599227,0.0,0.06435717744295988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220996839553464,0.07233681482293343,0.0,0.10179836875482044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114018916269506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313334072081276,0.14081774215146226,0.0,0.06995039529835079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062183144180387125,0.0,0.11239159369213472,0.11263981880316826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496116077452456,0.12904311581673264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713259137538146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212970310958356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543612523231935,0.0,0.0,0.1378330897717612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153956851219718,0.392598684695012,0.0,0.0,0.14418473911044485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018051633433296,0.0,0.0,0.3192382400356384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112493415226775,0.0,0.2911141918048778,0.0,0.08455994515531473,0.0815566261354634,0.0,0.0,0.07421866632178642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993005326633083,0.0,0.10502028463771117,0.07507372424803553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970289408151,0.14210486652346585,0.1463670492446427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196489214966395
suicidewatch,super_saiyan_drulk,2019/04/16,"I'm a worthless piece of shit I did something horrible to one of my best friends I had in the world, and she hates me with good reason!, my work permit is about to expire and most likely wont be able to renew it, I'm in very bad financial straits, i'm overweight and I dont have the will power to change that. Last week I went on a family vacation to the ocean and more than once I thought about just walking into the ocean.

I'm a waste of space I'm 35 I don't have anythig to show for myself except the horrible things I have done and I think it would be a better place if I wasn't here anymore.

I'm just too much of a coward to do it, I hope one day I work up the courage to actually do it.",2.754999999999999,2.857422551948055,4.438077922077923,90.6728311688312,73.48051948051949,7.718441558441559,25.140259740259733,7.554174236665415,0.9142306493506496,539,15,132,6,10,183,91,154,0.179,0.7020000000000001,0.119,-0.862,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,6,11,2,0,11,0,17,2,1,2,0,18,28,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,3,1,0,2,4,4,0,2,6,0,16,7,23,17,5,13,0,1,0,0,2,8,1,3,4,90,22,2,0.18857018969839628,0.0,0.1840173035687485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701095785930447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744823181607515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978927802322847,0.16677500879430765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948225718604148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161217233289727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297277423293605,0.22100285792902985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776719253053924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456888607924006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581637284669623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617402252021029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729274666756227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537098727321453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212586963844012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862078659243302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082109776356594,0.2555600815490016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701571311584665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388156133069606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935645898989638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451705447357565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527765500910815,0.12082816342819287,0.0,0.14970366712593874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559015516904695,0.0,0.0,0.15125963179755356,0.0,0.0,0.17480645505430173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745626879211049,0.0,0.0,0.1339548524186878,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Belittledheart,2019/04/16,"When the end is a calm and quiet devastation I don't know about you. I am probably older than most people on here. But I find myself quietly slipping away.

There isn't much to hold onto anymore. I am not doing it right now. I should probably do it tomorrow. Else I may only be found after Easter and my body may have started decomposing. So in all honesty, that would be a reason to postpone. I don’t wish to traumatise anyone and someone will have to find me.

There is no big emotional upheaval inside of me. I lost all that too, I guess. Now it's just barren and empty. Nothing where a life should be.",1.5967387158296231,3.95667560330579,3.7408264462809946,84.82075015893199,82.22314049586777,6.367705022250477,22.530832803560077,7.61054688173877,1.2163701207883029,472,16,91,8,13,161,85,121,0.123,0.7929999999999999,0.084,-0.5770000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,11,2,0,0,4,0,20,2,1,1,2,23,26,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,2,14,1,12,15,4,15,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,4,8,76,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941636873500847,0.13689571542523346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394415626248767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174702838551958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355120338724455,0.2202290240474391,0.17340523339989658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578834188263484,0.0,0.0,0.214665467434994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156765583102976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759697269913396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828700938072316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21371978752774728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392270579355704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785864290240856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489014562453957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135730973105665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42217341816191495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129707525203488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671972332070399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588592448019646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857590092416655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514027739883152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390783106068925,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kaycozy,2019/04/16,"It’s not fair When i walk in my school i see people chatting and laughing, i see couples holding hands, groups playing sports, i hear them at lunch planning on where they’re going tonight, and there’s me, all alone sitting in my desk, with no one asking me about my day, all in my feelings thinking about whether my mom and dad are getting a divorce, will my dad be able to make it out of this financial crisis or I’ll have to work as a kid to be able to eat, all I want to do is sit at home and play video games, that all i want from life and I can’t because I’m dead broke, so i have to sit and watch other kids my age play on youtube
I don’t see a point in staying here really, my dreams are being crushed in front of my eyes",3.342531645569622,3.3898470506329126,4.089721518987344,93.88281012658229,72.16455696202532,6.82632911392405,27.19240506329114,5.6839178017228535,0.6539118987341772,566,18,137,2,10,181,102,158,0.126,0.779,0.096,-0.7772,0,1,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,3,0,12,5,2,1,4,21,25,11,1,2,3,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,5,8,2,1,2,8,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,8,21,4,23,21,4,23,0,1,5,0,12,12,0,1,4,84,26,3,0.3856072224804107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996863947180446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802453499352188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753129187360893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21333352865399224,0.0,0.12434237900513816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972862277730435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748729894337607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007319291974154,0.0,0.10957473542877333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730368240735828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339774231949786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618289249914492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286979076474144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258092592523783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306487167730413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336657477953223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226173225654424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351493037909825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951275478686322,0.4609185473722396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055029962452996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354076901411434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744113055758094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036332526279668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UniverseSeenInMirror,2019/04/16,Does Anyone Know of Any Free or Very Cheap Legitimate Mental Health Services in Oklahoma? I've had suicidal ideations for nearly a decade and recently tried to act on them without even thinking about it. (My other post in this sub details more about it) but I know I can't just deal with it on my own after that experience. Thank you for any leads you may have <3,5.040704225352108,6.29750715492958,5.238140845070426,82.79946478873241,69.0,8.496901408450704,28.284507042253523,8.841846274778883,2.0634653521126767,292,10,57,5,5,92,59,71,0.039,0.885,0.076,0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,8,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,14,6,2,10,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,2,39,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473466112187234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857395562601694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632948872758721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234926709003858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868205301317504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981948750772046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714666081561752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807102759729946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25737208528227545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445921053195124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521658677198268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279354159641451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351279164423474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364298537746816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339239472793933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072270540913865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461859220383497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FurrysAreMyDestiny,2019/04/16,Help i am lost in myself I have am incredibly low self-esteem. It might seem like i dint but i am constantly and all day looking for destractions from myself. I don’t offer anything. Fuck,1.237297297297296,3.8792338108108098,3.2419459459459468,84.99967567567569,89.27027027027027,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,1.2093070270270276,149,5,28,3,5,50,30,37,0.221,0.6809999999999999,0.098,-0.6701,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,7,1,3,8,1,4,0,2,1,1,2,2,1,2,3,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783107983105946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36547538489944015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811181672375335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126615903909007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266891576376152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522803933714694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840038577304657,0.0,0.3691865972412002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587780629269962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078857007548576,0.35281764517536884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Noxillius,2019/04/16,"I'm sick of it I'll probably muster up the courage tonight Fuck it all, last time I just sat on the edge with vodka in my hand and pondered like a fucking coward, this time I'm doing it, they can all go fuck themselves",3.639929078014184,3.8283988085106415,4.328510638297871,91.93333333333334,71.55319148936171,7.117730496453903,28.43262411347518,6.42735559955562,1.0289347517730492,172,6,40,1,3,55,37,47,0.236,0.609,0.155,-0.6901,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,3,0,2,5,1,0,2,6,9,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,2,5,8,2,8,0,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,5,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8199646279019548,0.0,0.0,0.16802340602423935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099234211563955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444385366989166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187582341047542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34478911288777025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayTrashcan01,2019/04/16,"I've got a question to ask Is it common among people that the moment they commit suicide they think of a reason not to do it and pass the opportunity to try?

If so, does that happen because the human instinct programmed us to be afraid of death?",9.563877551020408,6.390958959183674,9.618061224489797,69.74301020408163,61.44897959183674,10.616326530612248,36.74489795918368,7.1686216300943375,2.8020122448979587,195,6,36,1,2,65,39,49,0.157,0.753,0.09,-0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,7,3,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,7,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,26,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995405585456903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531926247789685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803933814713996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562615411604319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833379406251951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213229227510284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589330813399008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294353509069635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504770744132372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053061061877707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175376923248657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38541437175408827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,slednek,2019/04/16,Sleeping pills and alcohol Cheers!  Here goes nothin'!  Let's hope this works!,3.1997435897435897,5.4137284615384615,1.5307692307692342,91.80589743589745,110.53846153846152,4.810256410256411,27.41025641025641,6.42735559955562,1.81568717948718,62,3,10,1,3,17,13,13,0.0,0.593,0.407,0.7829999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492654051692029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578633106985641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713896210723218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613191175478197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356034430660261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Idkbtbjwjowbeidkow,2019/04/16,"What next? I'm no stranger to suicide attempts.  I've probably had 20; they way it would go is that I would overdose, try to hang myself or drink something I shouldn't.  I will then be lest in horrible pain and drag myself or have the police to take me to hospital.  

Mental health teams are useless and really manipulative.  They'll twist my word and make lies up, so if they want to detrained they can or if they don't I'll won't.

I'm feed up with this, Im really feed up with this void within.  This painfull emptyness, an emptyness that can be filled with nothing, family, friends, superficial crap ect.  Nothing can.  I've been on UC for the past 8 months and I was struggling but now im on capacity benefit so I have lots of money.  I thought clothing, phone, games, furniture and even sex toys would make my happy but non of it did.  I tossed it all out and I really don't feel anything, I found an unopened Christmas card from my godmother and I honesty hate the idea of having more money.  I've donated a huge part of my money to suicide prevention charities, like Samaritans.  

I try and help everyone who asks, I try and be the best person I can but it does not fill this void with in me.  Ive protest for local causes.  For most my life I've been in some kind of care but yet they never help me, I've found documents high lighting abuse but not action was taken.  My mum just pushed people away when the found something.  

I helped my next door neighbor but now the chap on my door almost everyday asking for something and pushing my way into my home. Every time I help it fail.  I fail.

The only reason I'm holding off my death is because I hate the idea of my body rotting in my house because I've made sure for the next few weeks no one will miss me.  I've told everyone that I'm just sorting my life out and I've been using the term ""life admin"" ( in reference to casualty and Holby city).  I've had my phone on airplane mode so i can see anyone who will miss me.

I hate this feeling of pitiful lowness.  This void within me.  Mental health services want nothing to do with me because ive been a bitch.  

I'll most likely be ending my life soon.  I don't really know what to say.  Right now I just feels like I'm just putting it off.",2.1824068614312537,4.083287241758241,3.6501366925757175,88.6588876976682,77.68131868131869,6.7247386759581875,24.06459394264273,7.678348718463194,1.1376770302867865,1745,59,366,26,41,575,218,455,0.172,0.718,0.11,-0.9844,1,0,4,0,1,4,48.0,0,0,6,5,16,25,6,1,14,0,39,13,2,7,3,73,71,28,3,8,17,1,3,3,2,9,7,1,4,1,19,20,3,2,12,4,4,8,10,15,0,1,16,6,54,10,47,42,10,53,0,7,1,1,24,25,2,11,21,223,73,4,0.0,0.09431590040567456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971036682560101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565989205946372,0.0,0.06550604339732234,0.0,0.14883511226574986,0.0,0.07478913310571009,0.0,0.0,0.14557476539922554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353787245662951,0.0,0.0,0.08842038984143387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116001491366226,0.08177365565757451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966065065192723,0.0,0.0,0.07798010747747322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050415379037707,0.0,0.0,0.0525766751941411,0.0,0.06706850719549894,0.1521271268568361,0.0,0.0,0.07504211643880163,0.0,0.12074818924263706,0.05686801453297416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618399715990756,0.06150066443526413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523991341494441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473830066527344,0.0,0.2357728522957056,0.0,0.16922738878412405,0.0,0.0,0.21342340847788488,0.08410437124845263,0.0798477594579008,0.0,0.0,0.09185055315321773,0.0,0.17972297999449527,0.1719686369412701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289371428792708,0.04374743115776845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490229124989344,0.11666922571068933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767516631348361,0.0,0.07532177395319922,0.10627052259575273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044111735903605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353792546505654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139432578745064,0.0,0.2539743632161997,0.0,0.0,0.22914212663060565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053940688165548895,0.06054125913562389,0.08470263162351979,0.0,0.0,0.08620170880141984,0.07598955688446657,0.05518632404761696,0.0695057991331225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085824917208971,0.0,0.0,0.08002246034071184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039815011713361,0.08184458838328833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798006733839278,0.0,0.06330307254064893,0.0,0.0,0.06343285579736098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384559208820372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321777650040373,0.0,0.1741443461617536,0.0,0.07502437808152433,0.0,0.05985114453841115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319546289650918,0.046416835554470286,0.0,0.0,0.07606356342841805,0.0,0.16213453872356762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875096869612705,0.0,0.0,0.09390318866076974,0.12636945779164388,0.06385229321710909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696419146241297,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,simonthe80,2019/04/16,"Talk to me. I’m a complete fuck up.
It’s approaching one year that I’ve been single. Before that I was living a double life. I had a house with one woman that my family and friends approved of. I’ve always had mental health problems so I stayed with her for 3 years because I felt proud the people in my life thought I was finally ok. But I was actually seeing another woman, that was love at first sight. Obviously I got found out eventually.
I lost the plot and ended up in a police station having my love letters thrown in my face like it was a crime.
Now I’ve tried to move on and better myself, therapy, throwing myself into work, treating women better etc 
I’m a nurse and I can no longer take the emotional toll of the job. Doing this job was the only thing that made me feel worthwhile in my life. And I can’t do it anymore.
I’ve had suicidal thoughts constantly throughout my life. I don’t want to kill myself but I have no desire to live anymore. I spend every day torturing myself about what I’ve done to the women in my life. 
How does one completely rebuild themselves at 31? I need a new career to make myself feel like a real man again.",2.4320396484774167,4.395814566523608,4.183494788473328,84.83084406294708,77.15450643776823,6.669854894747598,23.54159002656857,7.62386473244151,1.1899521357040674,906,29,177,13,21,305,137,233,0.102,0.77,0.128,0.2263,2,1,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,0,7,5,15,3,0,14,1,18,10,1,3,1,26,37,9,2,4,2,0,3,2,1,0,6,0,0,5,11,9,0,0,6,0,1,3,4,5,0,4,18,5,29,10,24,19,3,26,0,1,2,3,11,12,1,0,12,116,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.10666558081970626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095023337337156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146154665088054,0.0,0.0,0.21680170345784824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663110623585365,0.0,0.0930102150319068,0.0,0.0,0.19334217852627592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920771290349126,0.1181195063195922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049246318180316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565324459877736,0.11185661699610867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295303054853984,0.09681148546025213,0.0,0.12190358933509855,0.0,0.0,0.09209389036145092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030427056272699,0.0,0.1105354407152754,0.07808727097812303,0.10494961490539301,0.1197379123125931,0.0,0.09297448799819356,0.0,0.11984691795013346,0.08444850921085814,0.10105039690219728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742092181080499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618574231428297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612290217037572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169360182230662,0.0,0.12092941150998696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38602556957233136,0.10680147141525237,0.0,0.19303603475250414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931894843736028,0.0,0.1973034464636557,0.10342671221317193,0.07296170934638123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015338859758728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617355535996468,0.0,0.08104802043099127,0.0,0.10556712179443913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220299942530952,0.08313111942283566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577808853681806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458979774878893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441263296966212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710166233590981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650422416297343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195615572278862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218350122302559,0.08785494535934205,0.0,0.0,0.12499940476003354,0.0,0.07261715923516389,0.0,0.0,0.17355138125760572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421068922600946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447072048217542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957509432688503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077723475323434
suicidewatch,WanderM1126,2019/04/16,"I need some urgent help but parents won't help. Long story short:

I have been feeling very depressed for several months, almost a year, I feel like everything I loved to do is just worthless now, I have cried in front of them while eating or just talking, and they just give me a weird look, when they ask me what I have I reply and tell them I don't know, and ask them to take me to a psychiatrist, but they refuse to do it and tell me I'm just crazy or I will be better soon, but it's been almost a year; I have constant thoughts about hurting myself, I've even thought about commiting suicide, but whenever I start to think more about it gets more senseless. I really want to die, but I don't want to be aware of me dying.",11.342400000000005,5.3995911066666675,10.348666666666666,74.30100000000003,61.26666666666666,13.6,40.66666666666666,9.3871,3.5516666666666663,566,16,126,6,5,181,86,150,0.21,0.642,0.14800000000000002,-0.9378,1,0,0,0,0,3,16.0,0,0,6,1,11,7,0,0,4,0,15,2,0,0,1,29,33,13,3,3,11,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,3,25,3,14,25,3,13,0,3,1,1,17,2,0,5,11,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30452128299855313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843009080711134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344798698485028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431692202402048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702475462191996,0.0,0.0,0.13096433866515098,0.0,0.3156171790807223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558973844806356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004305790045355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366568015884184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376667206650876,0.1086277822874082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944221294161825,0.14586455472527815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038378844555009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277751274834448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356518979019317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428615982828493,0.0,0.0,0.13456346881347284,0.12768750420239158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723514446428708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136847032719435,0.0,0.0,0.11274650282847873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883855439992004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741002161703104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177833145703575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762497466778813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632296974666924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432607858677606,0.12221566662305895,0.2658047120026997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974303992506317,0.0,0.2414286147125297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546090669165028,0.17937139563789226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958362562328756
suicidewatch,GolyHolightly,2019/04/16,"I tried I've been suicidal as long as I can remember it. I've always had suicidal ideation and the only thing that kept me from doing anything is my low energy .

I thought I was suicidal because of the things that happened to me as a child. Then I tried solving them. Only made me feel more and more like I'm not meant for this world , I don't belong , I can't function. But I kept dragging my feet. Kept trying.

Fucked up my exams four years ago , couldn't go to university , my whole family was disappointed in me . I had calls that my grandparents were gossiping with neighbours about me in my home town. Spent the next couple of years floating through life. Tried drugs , tried drinking , I liked that that way I kinda had friends , people to go out with. But I've never found it easy to make friends because of my childhood and it all came to an end when drugs or alcohol weren't in the mix. Besides I couldn't afford that life.

 Met my boyfriend at the end of my outgoing phase and we seemed to settle in together , chose nights in instead of nights out but I just became more miserable .I felt so lonely and I still wasn't doing anything with my life. I thought maybe that's why I'm suicidal. Because I'm a failure. So I kept trying. 

Four years later I have a job that pays enough for me to eat enough so I don't have to count change anymore although it doesn't allow me to pay for my own place so I'm still stuck with family (which I would rather not because I know they're struggling financially so much as it is without me as an extra burden) I think I like it. Its a very sociable job so I thought it would help in other departments because I have one friend and feel lonely most of the time. It didn't. I can't make friends. Everyone else there makes friends , they go out , they do things. I'm not made for life. 

I thought maybe it's because I'm not doing anything with myself educationally , thought maybe that's the thing that's always in the back of my mind . So I pushed myself .I have a course starting September which will enable me to go to university and do the course of my dreams . Ironically to become a therapist as if anyone would want me as a therapist . I still don't feel any different . If anything I'm more stressed .

My relationship turned into something I can't even recognise , I'm constantly providing emotional support and carrying on all the problems and I feel like a shell.  There's no fight left in me.  I thought opening up to someone would help .  But instead I find myself providing them with the last of my strength . I hate it. He was my best friend for the past  years and without him I would've pulled the plug a long time ago. Never been able to tell him how I truly feel because his mental condition always comes first. I don't blame him , his life was worse than mine and he's actually diagnosed with things that he needs to manage. I'm not . I'm just a big ass mess. 

I don't even feel that breaking up would be worth it not only because of how little energy I have to do it but because that would make me more impulsive and I know I would do it. I looked into psychiatric help , if I can section myself and I can't . I told my doctor I want to kill myself and I'm quite likely to do it and she reluctantly referred me to therapy. I've been in the waiting list for months only to go , have my assessment and be told I need to go somewhere else. More waiting. I can't do it anymore. I begged for help. Every time someone kills themselves in my city they do so many awareness campaigns , everyone talks about mental health , funny how when you're begging for help nothing gets done. I kinda envy the people that already went through with it . Their pain is over.

Every day I wake up and I don't want to wake up . I can't  sleep normally , I've been upping my medication so I can pass out . I wish I could die in my sleep. I really don't see the point of it anymore.  It's come to this stage when ive spent over half of my life on trying to shake this feeling , trying to find my love for life and my place in society that I just have to say enough is enough .  Even now that I've got a job and I'm doing okay I can't.  I hate my brain . I'm sorry for everyone that got to know me and cares about me because I really don't see the point of trying anymore and I know how much it hurts when someone you know or love choses to go out this way. But I really don't think there's much fight left in me. I tried.  I fucking tried .",2.1294019642928177,4.072612666666668,3.4279594947446554,89.99218298938328,77.998899889989,6.580942913568466,23.713083356528426,7.5630510243965245,0.9992004745052818,3490,116,744,50,83,1136,321,909,0.129,0.745,0.126,-0.7903,6,4,5,0,2,3,82.0,1,1,6,5,38,40,8,4,30,1,72,28,7,11,4,135,161,58,7,22,23,0,8,5,7,8,15,1,1,1,49,41,3,6,28,2,5,16,33,22,0,5,41,12,128,18,106,107,21,101,0,6,3,5,43,44,3,9,42,487,177,8,0.04160161307008242,0.0,0.04059717325156871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375463977785962,0.04445947251349349,0.0,0.0,0.045908414512478166,0.0,0.10384762413014176,0.0,0.0,0.028290523467754795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503048591448574,0.029088815144284987,0.0,0.1369383314780779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03198907253657001,0.0,0.2535995719531001,0.04594571316316367,0.0,0.0,0.04365832630148952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644115866570487,0.04247989828373793,0.04758116255599618,0.0424156171271181,0.0,0.0440089904511081,0.07167221200262179,0.0,0.044956564484954505,0.0,0.033215502882396004,0.04603139358671938,0.0,0.026829598814623254,0.0,0.0,0.042224761559058084,0.04317590631909388,0.043464831206252524,0.0,0.04258101378851265,0.0,0.042572893942245685,0.0,0.040753742909172816,0.09648932704655992,0.04256883602478296,0.0695056190353198,0.04679621527980575,0.07369336233428116,0.17194234845419076,0.0,0.08243241923589639,0.0,0.07010230654880698,0.11925637225927638,0.0,0.0,0.07843659670745119,0.0,0.1472451788979171,0.05944040137932442,0.03994407255140085,0.0,0.07604624133857632,0.03538631082521821,0.0,0.04561402145188738,0.19284781836409515,0.07692004184765817,0.021735125785859472,0.0,0.1655020879209408,0.0,0.06654522070364828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036788169046436836,0.0,0.0,0.08214596019629998,0.0,0.04422056931436727,0.0,0.0,0.1394234215825444,0.0,0.04172980989748957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453538721655029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384954521356074,0.0,0.092052042140555,0.0,0.11431579283572198,0.033910867145448415,0.0,0.0,0.09040054865064312,0.0,0.2056911473208366,0.10162223383699108,0.04169574543212088,0.0,0.07363223688121075,0.034934877344882126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750941600623321,0.07872890434366908,0.11107759906439878,0.04217750602169787,0.1253832358972346,0.0,0.0,0.04190924845643639,0.08384928234164636,0.0,0.042005769913990285,0.0,0.03320601064999973,0.0,0.09174591704838134,0.06169413791868189,0.06417145731548397,0.0,0.0442437874600429,0.07808059139143089,0.040760747949875546,0.039917869742453184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02819032967449651,0.12655960552111686,0.0442670494383775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039713446996032034,0.057682640742412035,0.0,0.08692966241250505,0.0,0.0786539423618281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980712528750105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442484363438046,0.0,0.0,0.07995317580863699,0.0,0.0,0.04466456346819885,0.04712651785860841,0.0,0.0,0.033083272479812666,0.0,0.0,0.06630219887570864,0.03787254609168719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326331451502081,0.0,0.10574673525583116,0.032026954212272266,0.0,0.046569599857729786,0.029445835853331694,0.0,0.09966930581028652,0.0,0.047654507214600864,0.04349103865944491,0.0,0.18202164993456268,0.04720901751051027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033437800744636995,0.03636164348857289,0.0,0.047575070162169115,0.09660535843682587,0.13819131587956698,0.053313267711594316,0.0,0.19816220299423135,0.07277470539742567,0.0,0.0,0.07950424817285091,0.0,0.31069240920282265,0.04525060881632975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034325687656195966,0.07361312774808769,0.06604284811866865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038565112104692656,0.037538985078768766,0.046446715313494286,0.04783980192838447,0.08020494088507013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042395597843649935,0.2364207385311714,0.0,0.0,0.10716029941868464
suicidewatch,INFJEmpath,2019/04/16,"Do they really care about us or do they just tell you what you want to hear while you suffer. . . So this morning I called the suicide hotline as I was having suicidal thoughts again and it connected me to a woman who began to give me a survey as to how dangerous my thoughts are and how much am I willing to take my life given on a scale of 1 to 5. If you say anything that is below a 4 they just listen to you complain without any real concern. I can completely understand if you are at a level 4 or 5 of wanting to kill yourself but I am sure you don't just all of a sudden jump to 5 out of nowhere. The suicide seed starts at one and only goes up from there, I mean there has to be some kind of build up. Once they realize that you may not do it, they just give you some numbers to call and treat you like they work at a call center and there is a 10 minute talking limit.

​

There was a statistic given that someone commits suicide every 40 seconds or every 4 minutes. I am sure that those individuals did not call the suicide hotline. I would think they would be a little more sympathetic or even grateful that someone reached out to get help, I actually really want to kill myself. I asked the lady, what do you do, when you have no family, no friends, no desires, just nothing. No one to talk to, and the people you do try to talk to just brush you off or call you crazy or make you feel like shit. Apparently according to her you must have some kind of mental disorder and should call this number just because you feel alone and useless. There was no empathy whatsoever. I feel so alone and have been alone for so many years and realize that maybe this is just it. I would literally kill just to have a friend to talk to even if it was just for one minute and then I would be alone forever. That one minute would mean more to me than anything in the world.

I wish that I could change all this. I am so good at helping other people see the best in themselves but I couldn't save myself if I was on fire surrounded by the ocean. Maybe this is just the way it is. But if I could go back, I rather just be that sperm stuck in a condom, or in a napkin being flushed down the toilet. Not inside of some woman who never wanted me to begin with.",6.184442028985507,5.165115328260871,6.6350000000000025,81.63083333333333,66.36956521739131,9.492753623188406,31.1231884057971,8.472884824447931,2.1122536231884066,1761,55,373,21,24,575,209,460,0.173,0.703,0.124,-0.9837,1,4,0,0,0,5,38.0,1,18,7,3,30,21,5,0,23,0,49,3,1,3,7,90,80,37,8,22,32,0,4,2,2,9,1,3,0,2,25,14,0,1,11,0,0,2,12,8,0,5,13,9,55,13,57,50,10,36,0,2,1,1,53,22,1,17,13,290,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.06646872256365145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821792084758438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738006957025811,0.08276507406202503,0.046319356865222185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210282926526154,0.0,0.06367670948237046,0.0,0.0,0.05237489749165314,0.0,0.041521215001736674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148067084732165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173075631729809,0.0,0.06944601462072326,0.0,0.0720548043696135,0.0,0.07141546392637542,0.0,0.0,0.10876580160993517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806370436756334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997634015039348,0.0,0.11477672931044886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421112565002457,0.0,0.10332034222135712,0.04866013113612205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052482813390066,0.0,0.035586370430126815,0.13068090338555755,0.038710338974144436,0.057130176256362776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676860157044724,0.0,0.09130977342307506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260717124025997,0.14185897083753207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811041441709085,0.06655340287219101,0.06826738694436535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04546613423979426,0.06905616134430358,0.1368578623170373,0.14839063042712916,0.0,0.0,0.06864215213448156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007108802746504,0.0,0.05253315010846582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535651614957137,0.0,0.0,0.07253840575480165,0.1846212484303522,0.05180320840948717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444232534337868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752780907134088,0.08727020520986295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416640331906316,0.0,0.0,0.05427745467794644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991728916044293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542429919403548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04821092054517112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725242911343287,0.0,0.12839189501635112,0.0,0.051212699543033736,0.2189874538368804,0.059533997059929865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436442308251931,0.0,0.10814865041469016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046244436823145066,0.0,0.0,0.07090831248074841,0.08193187293123083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069987714037712,0.054065140468167086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832689488436125,0.06565875819590211,0.0,0.04958726917477148,0.0,0.0,0.2419285509785276,0.0,0.08276507406202503,0.04386271038971376
suicidewatch,iyshahassan304493,2019/04/16,"I'm a faliure to my parents My mom sees me as a failure. I was fine when till 7th grade but then in 8th, I started to struggle with my grades. No matter how hard I tried it was never enough. My elder brother is my inspiration. He's so smart and he's on his way to becoming a surgeon now and I'm a useless piece of junk. My mom keeps comparing him to me, telling me I'm not good enough, I suck, I'm a failure as a student, daughter, in life, and at school. She says I'm an idiot, hits me, use all sorts of abusive language. She usually mentions I try to be all sugary around people, even though I don't give a crap what think of me. She has hurt me so much, too deep, I struggle every day to live for her, maybe I could get good enough for her, I'm trying with everything I have, but she still hates me, treats me like crap. Every day I wish I'd die. I want to jump off the building, but I'm afraid it'll be a bad impression on the neighborhood, if I slit my wrists I'm sure I wouldn't die, I'd do anything to kill myself, I am wondering about eating a bunch of expired pills, I hope it works. I'm going to hell anyway so it's okay. I wish my parents would know that I love them, and I really care too, I wish my mom would encourage me to be a success rather than keep telling me I'm nothing but a failure, it hurts, I wish I was never born, I wish my parents would've got what they deserved. I'm sorry for being a failure, I always suck at describing how I feel, it just looks like I'm bragging like a 4 years old, but I'm broken, I don't want to cause anyone any pain, I'd do whatever it takes to win my mom's heart. I'm sorry to exist. I'll die soon I promise, thanks mom for taking care of me even when I'm such a nuisance. 

I don't seek attention, all I can do is cry on this unbearable burden in my heart, my mom finds it fake too she once said it's my way of telling others that I'm miserable and my mom bully me. I wish I had control over it, then I'd never cry in front of anyone. 

I'll try my best to get into the university my brothers in, and the next day I'll commit suicide for sure, at any cost, just so my parents could know that I just needed a little support, after I'll prove my point, I'll free my parents from this burden they have in the form of a useless daughter.",2.743797575757576,2.9670304440000024,4.573490909090912,89.25941212121216,73.56,7.420606060606061,25.95151515151516,7.229369725052465,1.0028933333333336,1762,54,415,17,33,604,224,500,0.233,0.564,0.204,-0.9795,5,0,0,0,0,3,59.0,0,0,3,5,25,46,8,4,22,1,27,11,5,5,10,63,81,26,5,17,11,16,2,3,0,4,4,2,0,0,18,10,1,3,9,0,2,3,9,21,0,0,6,6,76,26,52,64,11,45,1,5,2,1,39,19,5,4,24,247,94,6,0.0,0.06881672507847618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832821159986595,0.0,0.0,0.07899441605176533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122345168266708,0.0,0.0477958791684402,0.05170458237020247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849537636002319,0.0,0.06414612273864129,0.0,0.0,0.0609526365942725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843530962765401,0.0596653921114526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651430050999494,0.09274622497004062,0.0,0.12759894292155036,0.11237270814447564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083734882477365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059431568094062436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004021858488822,0.0,0.07672417030029982,0.0,0.09787183287747654,0.0,0.05219963790754703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02936760011512128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308516502283373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060690060091061926,0.05571677993121118,0.03300888472314245,0.09743151066275406,0.04645284185455305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202934733317211,0.05734316090080872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765300447348489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768773732407562,0.0,0.0,0.12435425278788048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325047933997124,0.0642582429020244,0.0,0.06383981767495447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04102446957483563,0.08512662230140926,0.05821262137492094,0.05128676413407352,0.0,0.048773580291726265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052420551088273135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058350372541249876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761680003368611,0.0,0.0,0.04269636527246248,0.043066474222879784,0.13438740724270906,0.0,0.06177001564336694,0.0,0.0,0.05573047833366538,0.0,0.060946449610028,0.061854582961933385,0.0,0.0,0.061802492355875364,0.0,0.3224614985155789,0.0,0.0,0.04026619131812965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549055079709251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720830429128294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524852213190032,0.0461885018423741,0.0,0.0587812757083218,0.046283196996197866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003429755263174,0.041110172652713266,0.0,0.046383721741913096,0.0,0.0,0.12143816307617634,0.0,0.06353140638131129,0.06590985802844683,0.10948168820767117,0.0,0.08733966895541982,0.0,0.15229658779570732,0.053473365960480405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037216088061157566,0.0570644845920503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773329034410266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016350892363046,0.06396823669512752,0.0,0.06851559376802256,0.0922043069912784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007430850481288,0.0,0.06298658435877401,0.04228380570417475,0.0,0.0,0.1237776552019502,0.0,0.0,0.03740238885186988
suicidewatch,yejiapsaa,2019/04/16,"i am only alive because i fell really bad for my family It’s been 4 years since i first got suicidal thoughts. Nothing changed and became worse and worse. School is making me stressed and no one understands me. It’s been so bad and every time i step into school i go to bathroom to just cry. When i tell my friends that i feel bad or i want to die they just don’t care. I feel like after i said it so much they think it’s just a joke and i am too weak to do this. They treat me like shit. Even for my smallest mistake they’ll say that i am dumb and slap me (it’s supposed to be one of this friendly slap but it is fucking painful and i don’t like it). I have bad hearing, not that i need anything to hear better but my hearing is just little bit fucked up. And when i ask them to repeat they scream at me and act pissed. All this little moments make me so depressed. I really think they don’t care about my emotions. They talk to each other while i am with them and when i ask what are they talking about they say it’s not my business. I always said that it’s nice that i am no longer with a fried i though was toxic but what if i just lost a friend i needed and sticked with toxic ones?...
I am really bad at studying and i can’t focus on anything. When i try to read i just can’t focus and end up procrastinating. I used to be so good at writing essays but now i feel like i became so stupid and there is nothing in my mind. 
Math is the worst. I know i am stupid and i tried hard to learn something in math or revise but it all made no sense. My marks are bad and i know that even though in elementary school i imagined being a successful veterinarian or zoologist i will become no one. Every teacher told me that in next year i won’t make it and will fail every subject. I really do have no future. 
I would kill myself instantly if not my family. They don’t deserve to go there the pain of loosing someone and sometimes i wish i wasn’t loved so i would just go. Every time i walk on street i just wish car would kill me and it would be just an unfortunate accident that took my life , it won’t be that painful for them then, right? 
I tried so hard to find something that will make me happy and something that will make me stay. All the small things that used to make me happy don’t make me happy anymore. I promised to another friend of mine that i will live for at least one year more and it was 11 months ago.  Next month i can finally go 

i’m sorry for my bad english it’s not my first language and i am not fluent in it",1.3283627864553686,3.0698286815642497,2.857265990194964,94.09690343176378,79.68901303538175,5.724455592292784,20.828829855964734,6.591547111509431,0.12149096644244305,1970,53,454,18,49,645,217,537,0.23,0.631,0.139,-0.996,0,0,3,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,13,6,30,48,9,1,8,0,49,10,2,10,3,88,94,47,4,12,24,0,5,4,4,12,5,8,0,0,36,27,0,0,12,2,0,10,20,27,0,7,13,13,89,21,43,64,9,55,0,3,0,3,32,19,5,5,29,311,125,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052472592977958574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049254791555000704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207087879252464,0.0,0.0,0.05870530682833769,0.0,0.0,0.09742450579884697,0.0,0.11067824055604084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459761291478481,0.03608458304062973,0.0653759739903562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235296463180715,0.06462535873719097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207060285358924,0.0,0.06262021888431969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502267648837255,0.0,0.0,0.05098436961523425,0.0,0.06143482675964145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658615009664233,0.05242899726160355,0.0,0.0,0.07819517607355712,0.0,0.19949659082767893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116071239993198,0.0,0.08979196462620141,0.08457751261257104,0.0,0.06484497832981312,0.054102948387805466,0.10070208412735547,0.0,0.0,0.18293493327216434,0.1094492240725805,0.0,0.0,0.13456701025584306,0.04964976552738908,0.04734346599926261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904180369606546,0.10605377574721728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20015042754644508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309804875890998,0.0,0.06506379624645275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181101743000567,0.1156783004773639,0.11865742334648535,0.05227006738567757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461808525237646,0.0,0.053425592041943484,0.05601152369082681,0.2765907855804696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976984428535584,0.0,0.0944974030925846,0.0,0.04351496780106681,0.08778434544276155,0.0,0.0,0.12590862124397792,0.0,0.0,0.1135979587373262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055954437301304,0.04502029084517403,0.1889622299975575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059210790052419374,0.0,0.1516867445587217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050552011090368935,0.11261556557727626,0.09414811577634344,0.0,0.17972480585388226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060762581889287175,0.04896652636133051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050155537464395696,0.13671308037833504,0.0585451422308828,0.06626369990663569,0.0,0.06309374988480701,0.0,0.0,0.0678074103044452,0.0,0.0,0.06474947189058013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515702951494154,0.05173883906238756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03932637563183529,0.0758592382901233,0.11631712412808518,0.04699403613860645,0.06903389412808691,0.0,0.0,0.05656314052861719,0.06576756875761383,0.1205680918038264,0.0,0.0,0.06162384433777932,0.0,0.10225055278924036,0.0,0.0,0.034914609682353916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614213084329024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064905781696275,0.16820106805292215,0.0,0.0,0.11435847544768507
suicidewatch,Grey_Wolf22,2019/04/16,"It's me again I've posted on here twice before. Once, 11 months ago, don't really remember why, and 5 months ago for reasons I'm sure you all can guess.

​

Life has been... hell really. Not long after I made that second post, detailing how I'd called the police on my mother and she was baker-acted for 3 days after she ordered me to take her gun and shoot her how she's run out after drinking etc etc, my stepfather after my mother was taken away from me entered into a shouting match with myself. It escalated to the point where I smacked him with all the righteous fury of a black-belt 17 year old fueled by defending his decisions and actions could muster. He's got a scar now. Suffice to say, things did not end well. I called my grandparents and they picked me up. My mother somehow had access to a phone while inside her facility, and spouted lies to my stepfather, father, and grandparents about the situation, about how none of it happened etc. You know how it goes. Well, I pray that you don't anyways. Long story short, insanity ensued as I was okay with living with my grandparents, but my mother would not allow that as I was only 17 at the time, regardless that I was 2 weeks away from my 18th birthday. Anyways, threats of calling the police and reporting me as a runaway (at my grandparents house) and now I'm with my dad. Previously I'd been estranged after my mother painted him as a monster and abusive. He had a drinking problem when I was little, but not knowing any better I fell pray to my mother's honeyed words and alienated him from my life for half a decade. I'm living in my childhood home again, and things are good with him. He's a nice guy, I love him. But, that's not the point of why I'm writing this.

​

Things have been... difficult. Over the last few months well... it's been hell. Some girls didn't like that I was dating one of their friends and so they started rumors. The bad kind. The kind that say I raped and molested more than 10 girls. Nothing came of it, of course, after I explained it to the Dean of the school, who thankfully was understanding and saw through their ruse. Unfortunately, I was still removed from a few of my favorite classes of whom those girls were my classmates. Easier to change one schedule around than 3, you know how it goes. Fast forward to the first day of school (rumors had started mid summer) and I get approached by someone who at that time was a close friend to be told that I was a monster who molested 10 girls, and who's girls she had the stories of. None of this was relayed to the dean, of course. Fast forwarding a couple months, and I'm alienated. Only one or two friends remain, but they're not ""friends"" more acquaintances, as it's hard to be my friend and the friends of others, you see. A hopeful drama major, so close to graduating, and my last hurrah year is met with disgust and I'm treated as a villain. Ironically I'd only played the villain in all the plays I'd been a part of. Had a wonderful time and I'm told I'm talented. Only kid in the school would could do a passable Russian accent; I was a KGB man in Chess. Anyways, well the first semester finishes, and things are pretty shitty. 

​

I'm switched out of my enjoyable classes, had to stop going to my Psychology class because the mean girls were there and that class has a policy of not sharing personal stories shared in-class outside of class because y'know people talk about stuff in psychology, and because I'm me, it's just best not to give the mean girls more fuel for my funeral pyre, you know. At this point, the only classes I go to that have any meaning are my drama classes, and English. I only need the English credit to graduate. I fall ill over winter break, current theory is that coming off the anti-depressants I was on (4 months off as of today) may have triggered something to cause physical symptoms. Doctors still can't diagnose me.

​

As a result, I'm unable to attend school. I've been placed on a hospital-homebound program and am (trying) to finish up my English credit so that I can graduate. I've been accepted into FSU for college, but that's it's own set of issues.

​

I'm kept up at night with fear, anxiety, and depressive episodes becoming more common. As of writing this, it's 11:38 am. I haven't slept. When I do sleep, it's for anywhere between 12-17 hours of the day. When I can sleep anyways. More often than not I'm kept awake with what I can only describe as waking nightmares, terrifying to the point that I feel that if I fell asleep I'd never wake up from the horrors of my mind. You know how it goes. The doctors, ironically don't.

​

College, while I'm happy to be accepted, still has it's issues. Right now I'm set (mostly) for a scholarship to pay for about 2/3rds of the tuition, but that's if I get some things in order. And, I still have to finish my English credit. I have a month and a half or so to do it, and if I wanted, I could knock out all the assignments in a day. English, I found, was always my strong suit. But the thing is, I become so petrified that I can hardly move or bear to think about working towards bettering myself that I instead find myself stuck in a position begging my mind not to think of the things I have to do, terrified of my own future, at even having a better future.

​

I feel... confused. All the time, I can't make up my mind anymore. About anything. It becomes difficult when I try and give my partner an answer to the question of ""Do you love me?"" Because when she asks and I'm put on the spot, I can't say yes or no. I feel that I know somewhere, but at the moment all words escape me. It happens with any question. At almost any time. Well, not really, only questions that pertain to my feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

​

I don't know what to do anymore. At this point, I feel death would be a preferable option. Suicide it too messy and a logistical nightmare, so that feels like not the best option. If I could press a button and stop existing, that would be amazing, but alas, such a thing does not exist.

​

So here I am. Defamed until worse than a product of an incestuous relationship between a Nazi officer and his KKK twin, irreparable damage to my home life, an adult stuck with a mystery illness that makes me sleep for 17 hours and have mysterious pains and that stumps all doctors in my area to the point that I'm being shipped off to the goddamn Mayo-Clinic, among other things that my sleep-addled brain has forgotten to mention.

​

Things just seem hopeless. I wish with all my heart to stop existing and to free myself from this torment. This is how life feels, tortuous and irreparable. Even things that would assist in securing a better future for myself I find myself lacking any desire to complete. I feel as if there is no escape, or worse, that I deserve none. There are so many nuances of emotion and feeling, so many nuances of events; I could never hope to capture them all and assist you all in understanding. I would, if I could, but I feel this tirade has gone on long enough, this paper is already the longest I've written in quite some time, aside from schoolwork, of course.

​

I would kill myself, if I could, or could find some-way to go about writing a suicide note that wasn't 10 pages long, explaining everything. I feel that I can't go without being understood. I don't want to end up on tabloids as the next guy to kill himself. My High-school has already had 2, and a couple weeks ago a kid died of brain cancer. I can't even die without feeling guilty about dying, sheesh. I feel like this paper is half-musings of some 18 year old who studied his vocab words too hard and half... just talking out loud I guess. Back to my point, I guess, about the whole wanting-to-die-but-can't-because-logistics things. I have no love for my mother, she can rot, unfortunately. My father, I feel would just be crushed. My brother... I'm not sure how it would affect him. He's young, starting middle school next year. He's half and half with my mom and dad after the divorce, so I only see him half the time. He's got a good relationship with me, but we don't talk much. Scares and pranks like brothers do but... we don't really ""know"" each other, if that makes sense. My grandparents would be devastated, of course. I love them to pieces, dad's side. My Partner, well, she probably understands everything better than most, she's been through it with me. She tried to kill herself not too long ago, a couple weeks. Hanging, but she didn't commit. I don't know how best to phrase it, but I don't think she'd blame me if I did just ""stop existing"" as I so badly wish to do. I don't know how to explain it.

​

I don't want to hurt people, but I feel as if the only way to end my own pain, is to inflict it on others. It makes me feel guilty. I hate it. Sometimes, people just hurt too badly to be able to account for everyone else's suffering after you've gone. Sometimes, there's not a way out. I don't understand it. I don't understand anything, to be honest. I could have a good life, I'm going into Computer Sciences, and have already begun learning various code languages. It's fun, I like learning. But I don't want it. I don't want any of it. I don't want to struggle for my food and to pay rent. I don't want to fight just to live. I don't want to keep doing this for however many god-knows years. I can't take it anymore. I don't want a life, even if it's good or bad. I don't want 'life'. I reject it. But I can't.

​

This post has gone on far too long. Not sure why I even wrote it. Reply, if you like, have some advice, or just feel compelled to. I'm (sadly) not going anywhere, and I'll probably be very happy that someone took interest in me.

​

For reference, I used to cut, not habitually, mind you, but in two ""main"" sessions, etc. Nothing beyond scars, and nothing serious, and it's been almost a year exactly since I'd done it the first time. The second was on the first day of Senior Year I mentioned earlier. I'm not opposed to calling the Hotline. I have before, never as a means of ""I'm going to kill myself"" but they've listened and have helped me out just by talking with someone. I don't get to talk to people that are actually interested in having me around, even if it is their job. It's nice. Enjoy the fucking novel of a post, I write a lot when I'm emotional.",4.273067612330511,5.408493788964184,5.072444238101827,83.72813557368737,70.69409486931269,7.693404719099642,28.623637644796553,8.003017315671245,1.8215885743261484,8192,301,1608,107,147,2658,646,2066,0.153,0.723,0.124,-0.996,9,0,3,3,2,6,383.0,2,11,7,15,90,107,17,4,102,2,156,36,10,24,18,340,301,139,11,52,71,15,21,6,9,11,17,6,3,16,110,88,3,9,63,8,10,27,63,39,6,18,63,31,214,69,251,205,49,231,4,8,3,6,142,82,3,47,121,1097,324,40,0.0212462550990907,0.02517333807907855,0.020733280167568792,0.0,0.0,0.02076159458791552,0.07533409287866555,0.0,0.04255011093309765,0.0,0.07033731247034382,0.0,0.01767858624445327,0.3222843193258242,0.3614313564946281,0.08668909219507911,0.0,0.01625332699724688,0.0,0.06321172805774418,0.0,0.0,0.03496771529659008,0.037827343011699516,0.019862380484032948,0.0,0.03992311209909147,0.016337058718140146,0.07095894220428949,0.051806079631181945,0.07039445857037469,0.0361579964573928,0.0,0.06688990181016674,0.09395293038269374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743569449803345,0.08677920771959463,0.024300055766419224,0.0,0.021825756537085725,0.02247572074194663,0.018301767495872683,0.02227629424447756,0.0,0.0,0.15267065285800774,0.07052573147074008,0.0,0.06851038440041646,0.0,0.0365987367688085,0.02156450169542067,0.08820103376708739,0.0,0.0,0.0652393271244984,0.018592741013200804,0.021742295508583583,0.0,0.04162648292663087,0.0,0.0,0.017748519875382004,0.07169753195616288,0.0564536273855387,0.02195306099934386,0.0947807625175339,0.08419770668847176,0.0,0.0,0.02030170723544086,0.03818952823325091,0.0,0.0,0.02390794379699795,0.18262666426284369,0.030356657775985788,0.0,0.0,0.058256076756612485,0.0722882149345284,0.025691056000469042,0.0232954220844657,0.09848882391565776,0.01964182048151577,0.033300874147302366,0.04076268774157876,0.08452315475067901,0.07128140302148668,0.0339851421701664,0.0,0.07021543594688423,0.04207426575913616,0.037575986434581835,0.04523406725098058,0.05709741413696235,0.02097627828457281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02517691458915236,0.014240916941084071,0.02244783501253889,0.042623452356284654,0.04220465048344002,0.04184656308085052,0.024515325807537014,0.04548911101815293,0.0,0.0,0.04435114074616234,0.02108362983490492,0.018884647738525932,0.09402333349025616,0.04424941044776337,0.1401166339786493,0.034637067211304814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504800812028907,0.0622790823097057,0.02129432920077469,0.05628249750580465,0.1128136030922259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01806280631197465,0.07670229894444312,0.020103720287716592,0.056728161034070676,0.06462110381663516,0.0,0.0925736014240865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581064409429437,0.02488335718896686,0.10175134871398188,0.02258140679336849,0.015618442123275284,0.015753828945654913,0.049159265167496614,0.0,0.04519126666278373,0.01993817114970489,0.0,0.06115906434673887,0.0,0.04458874144339717,0.02262656827777716,0.043191036937642924,0.16158734395780305,0.0452150267955927,0.0,0.0,0.023007623839870213,0.0,0.05891791253084028,0.01855141044626391,0.02219781454366404,0.0,0.14059204925628693,0.0,0.08139215751027798,0.021615079602360053,0.045814112937851266,0.020329796760403262,0.0,0.02135835462962081,0.07140200443465486,0.02259800755111649,0.0,0.0,0.0544435802317279,0.021844688800655116,0.0,0.045621053574834376,0.02406786531736435,0.01814418576705786,0.0,0.050687624451104085,0.021271207793359274,0.12901406666222698,0.0338610291041092,0.01934179268867621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017575121770710002,0.02388168091457088,0.08504639556172137,0.0,0.054005648996267315,0.016356405173389252,0.04202617911667377,0.0,0.045114626139033775,0.0,0.06786914706816152,0.07105128242866943,0.0,0.02221119888611934,0.02432187896646164,0.0464799093433259,0.0,0.06007303197537602,0.022082994093738692,0.031949079410889474,0.08538467527404885,0.0,0.01956069717084641,0.0,0.0,0.16938081384739848,0.04084122714395042,0.0,0.016867153318953804,0.09911089764909864,0.0,0.02013896557453564,0.04060341447088172,0.023605371166197597,0.04327443771440958,0.0,0.04150900806040287,0.110590504237916,0.0,0.01834994280717936,0.0,0.017530385544586375,0.12531591728932004,0.05059286509765702,0.051127392858416665,0.0,0.1146176094404634,0.0,0.05751432175004127,0.02372068507062309,0.04886428965858434,0.04096126348228433,0.023040657350399583,0.015467526753814987,0.0,0.04330349812865378,0.15092730037555308,0.0,0.3614313564946281,0.09577324188585022
suicidewatch,Dana2523,2019/04/16,"No one ever falls in love with me I know, it's a stupid reason to want to die for, but I've had had enough. Even through I wasn't popular in middle school or anything, I still had a lot of friends, but that changed when I started highschool. In 9th grade I didn't care about it too much, until I met a guy. I fell instantly, as I always do, which trust me, is probably the source of all my problems. He was funny, intelligent, talented and good looking to top it off. He's the reason I joined a drama club, this being the best and the worse choice of my life. At rehearsals he was the sweetest person ever and treated everyone gently. Me being my worst enemy I started messaging him, a thing that led to me being an even bigger embarrasment. Since I thought that he didn't get my hints(boy, was I wrong), I wrote him a love letter. Yeah, you read that right, an old fashioned way of making sure that he knew how I felt. I kind of expected what came next, but I didn't want to believe it until it slapped me right in the face. One day, he came to me, only claiming that he had read the letter, then he went away. It took me six months to get over him, and I still feel kind of akward if we're standing to close. 

But, my stupidity didn't end there. It took me less than two weeks to fall for another guy. This one came to the drama club this year, and I really thought that I stood a chance. Turns out that it doesn't matter if I'm clingy or cold, guys still don't like me. The irony is that he has a crush on the first guy's best girl friend. I literally felt my heart breaking when I found out.

Not being loved may not be a valid reason to commit suicide, but I just feel so helpless and nothing goes right in my life, so I figure death may be the only thing I could do to make everyone feel better, since I'm just that annoying shy bitch to most of my so-called friends.",4.606586732406992,4.418980819587631,5.282944867772301,87.23300986104887,69.41237113402062,8.397310623038997,26.92111160914388,7.893859768569023,1.2997407888839079,1450,39,326,16,23,470,198,388,0.16399999999999998,0.664,0.171,0.6247,0,0,0,0,1,3,50.0,0,1,0,5,17,27,4,0,22,1,28,7,2,7,5,60,63,24,3,7,13,0,5,1,3,2,2,0,0,6,25,13,0,0,14,6,0,10,10,8,0,6,27,7,45,19,41,27,9,52,0,1,1,3,30,19,1,8,21,211,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766598444899788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527266051711024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692064757775612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640420577466449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162145820066796,0.17068374861712868,0.07192223901057472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27903032055793586,0.08291266688936727,0.0,0.08602734116715638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492858321021994,0.0,0.0,0.05244562592654098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439885543932876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202669225426928,0.084026825654997,0.0,0.10742413887330256,0.1471198656766359,0.0,0.1554123148860349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335574855203392,0.0,0.15616274410123332,0.0,0.0,0.06917200787393743,0.0,0.0891648034918443,0.1884863171558176,0.0,0.0849742319523765,0.0,0.0,0.06820859770203634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220841953302649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636634329839858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936761106534273,0.044692157717173935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487953012881252,0.0397295665765187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828956040970181,0.0,0.0,0.06913661274214274,0.22018742742531944,0.0,0.1085654364346029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649100281034924,0.0,0.059780643498159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648631471291636,0.0,0.0,0.07803015165310759,0.0,0.0853332117000006,0.0,0.16531661487782173,0.12369729742200565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710067781103099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767830783329554,0.07781367199949857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268697003522745,0.0,0.05209662133565305,0.2508360712059936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834429433043752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230167755643975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345399343569382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151195217586669,0.0,0.1948303127825844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895249821809456,0.0,0.07664453086994487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080527533638114,0.0,0.0,0.12912034009928688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807023091279035,0.0,0.08845441630815501,0.0794392677974972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593102970178456,0.06454920424801913,0.0652311846327811,0.0,0.0,0.07538582508194057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287353384606896,0.0,0.0889122704294504,0.0,0.05236836577691648
suicidewatch,ReverendDoor,2019/04/16,"I’m a fraud Im no physicist. I never will be. I have no real friends. My professors are starting to notice how much of a fuck up I am. Even the ones that gave me letters of recommendation (which they did out of pity) are now reluctant. I’m not good enough for any of this. Everyday is torture and the only real solution would be to just end it. My mother only cares about herself and being the center of everything. She acts like she’s such a saint, but after the way she treated my brother that night, I’ve slowy grown to hate her.

I started taking antidepressants. I considered overdosing on them, but I’ve read that overdosing usually doesn’t work. The other day I though I heard a voice of a woman whispering my name, but no one around me was talking as far as I know.

When I die, there won’t be anymore stress, anxiety, frustrations. I will simply stop being. That sounds like a blessing to me.",2.4865300727032356,4.694651314606741,4.0721810971579675,84.51634170522142,77.9887640449438,7.334302709847982,25.07732980832782,8.313332769828598,1.7569183079973567,706,26,138,14,17,235,119,178,0.209,0.7120000000000001,0.08,-0.9728,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,1,10,13,4,1,11,0,17,1,0,1,1,17,28,10,1,1,5,2,0,2,1,4,0,4,0,1,8,4,0,1,1,1,0,2,7,6,0,2,4,4,24,7,19,15,2,21,2,1,0,1,16,6,1,0,14,101,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122219410213275,0.0,0.12624286568239734,0.0,0.16365940946732008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469062975154827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825290946093685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642679196912996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126880023999247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616223292875932,0.17051384812027032,0.0,0.10899675881784204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831288031186055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274970899897168,0.15256197732475196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841425495251927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292697996197772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782541780714331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069284402629543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612447269858232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131158694284094,0.0,0.12727663923078342,0.0,0.0,0.1548637926764904,0.0,0.0,0.18788085433202856,0.0,0.0,0.2236489909922614,0.25101629177454765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506860210114366,0.37566675385552206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336095942673295,0.0,0.0,0.13796740669962462,0.18903437061293035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240774686139142,0.13263999541488009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16213518738096702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817505602151608,0.0,0.0,0.13098832573566924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013939686019433,0.0,0.0,0.11722827524694004,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nsfwcdthrowaway,2019/04/16,"It took a lot of fighting myself to post here... I'm posting from my alt account ^(seriously, don't go through my comment history *please*), I hope that's ok, I just can't post this from my normal account. I just need someone to chat with, about anything.

I'm an absolute mess. I have been for years. Actually, the only thing keeping me from ending it years ago was my absolutely wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. She was the best friend I could've ever asked for, the only thing that kept me looking at positives. She taught me how to love.

I left my job a few months ago, I was breaking down into tears during every shift, my nose was bleeding at alarmingly common intervals(I do just get nose bleeds, but only about once or twice a year). I had it all planned out, it was a done deal, and I chickened out.

I've just... I've hit a point. I feel like I'm playing a waiting game, and I'm just about the single least patient person on the damn Earth.

I do have to admit, as much as I don't want to- Losing her has affected me more than I thought possible. I'd known for a while I'd never meet anyone who'd even hold a candle, and when she left me(due to my own idiotic fuck-ups), I just fell apart. I continue to well over-indulge in an expensive hobby as a coping mechanism, I became an alcoholic(before, I was hard pressed to want more than a beer or two at a party... or even go to a party. I still don't, I drink alone). She's in my dreams, she's in my conscious and subconscious minds, she's everywhere. I can't listen to music without seeing her face, I can't play a video game without wishing she was there watching me, I can't get in my car without reaching my hand out to try to hold hers, I can't kiss another woman without wishing they were her lips.

I do have other issues as well, I can't get a job, I have stacked up bills, I can't ""perform"" anymore(it's damn infuriating), I have prioritization problems, I'm well on my way to becoming homeless, or sickly due to currently existing medical issues. I'll be completely transparent as well, I'm not a ""good person"". That isn't just me saying that either. I use and take advantage of situations and people, I only think about myself in any given scenario, and I actively, knowingly make these decisions. I've gotten worse over time as well, especially in the past year-year and a half.

I don't know. I feel like this post has been a mess. I'm usually more organized than this in my writings.

I need a friend. I've had pen pals, they stop answering. I've had friends, they all leave, or I somehow ruin the relationship.",2.950236170693156,4.688763613592236,4.638600135470764,83.13802212689096,75.0,7.742153985098215,26.928200496726127,8.499448955792047,1.9356281327613465,2011,77,403,38,43,679,254,515,0.126,0.746,0.128,0.3197,4,1,3,0,2,0,96.0,0,0,3,5,25,30,4,1,28,1,38,13,5,4,4,71,81,23,0,9,19,0,5,2,5,0,4,2,0,3,16,13,2,6,12,9,4,5,18,11,5,3,20,12,70,19,60,58,13,54,0,2,3,2,37,23,2,9,22,265,86,4,0.0,0.0,0.07550707533349853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371769681448622,0.0,0.0,0.08013741625442354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261781832609065,0.08113468841174291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410256873923773,0.0,0.06367323191990518,0.0,0.0723354070069632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545487646552485,0.06584063255671703,0.0,0.08120054350960627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112646981445686,0.0,0.0,0.06177783519162139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977047765781436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918173736241536,0.0,0.07579828075458525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853149881732662,0.0,0.0,0.10221123608118622,0.06999033681173945,0.06519197911677557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824649512026859,0.11055377764826547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933976164899496,0.07153216504085735,0.12127611224994896,0.0,0.0879482670456611,0.06489868250851878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693130193862795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685107464234787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151930125775954,0.15356597830939725,0.06877467086321949,0.0,0.0,0.0850468196686274,0.0,0.0,0.08192920988501996,0.16813685511687568,0.0,0.0,0.07560327038869967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497571639041685,0.08656310472775754,0.0,0.06578166435362416,0.06983417744132231,0.0,0.05164857531118633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794741670217574,0.0,0.0,0.07812693789498537,0.0,0.061760180496744324,0.0,0.05687970627236837,0.11474552404411947,0.05967655717991896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581130949756637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082402108189377,0.0,0.2353894348516388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386342432022458,0.053642250816122256,0.13512215479534087,0.0,0.08493478110295516,0.07314461421229272,0.08722896026718187,0.2964163759431408,0.0,0.0,0.07403765748092356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307205375193949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153189858644525,0.0,0.0,0.06165805060197493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697301465726187,0.0,0.0,0.06555979202258895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179196874636261,0.06468916750658457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817655302047744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028093461965415,0.04957893122791224,0.0,0.061427299781926264,0.04511812623640612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596674161135781,0.05253271072896948,0.0,0.07558436902661987,0.0,0.0,0.06682736656761015,0.08521789830964556,0.0,0.09127584570098164,0.061416866110775625,0.0,0.0,0.34784817776944377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795542097289216,0.29834789116967764,0.08391015006931972,0.0,0.0,0.0788519826331871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491355971642133
suicidewatch,KimTheDuck,2019/04/16,"Already tried once today I have already tried to kill my self once today but didn’t succeed. I’m 16 no friends. My family have abused me my whole life. The only person I’ve had there for me for the past 4 years doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I feel very hopeless and I think I’m going to try again, a more drastic method this time.",3.0399999999999987,3.7039774444444484,3.956555555555557,92.344,73.16666666666667,6.315555555555558,24.12222222222222,5.6839178017228535,0.3374022222222224,264,7,60,1,5,85,51,72,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.6848,0,0,1,0,1,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,11,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,9,2,6,9,2,7,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,31,10,1,0.0,0.2136604318435856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979951727742411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883795773621244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999817566080644,0.0,0.09117978392100333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393217735862848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248515250586407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950737138827773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737173812787184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840890972966429,0.0,0.13714836539368466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214447902955068,0.0,0.1574563673202549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812252324408274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449416564030461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554757128602244,0.0,0.0,0.1051513168694102,0.0,0.34186170050403514,0.0,0.0,0.36729475530038797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879034850581796,0.10636274347407187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20133093989736534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612599328083552
suicidewatch,JyoShigeru,2019/04/16,"Fail It’s a petty reason for many, but I think I failed my final clinical medicine exam today. I don’t have the mood to prepare for surgery exam, that is tomorrow. 

I don’t want to kill myself, don’t get me wrong, but I think it would be better for me if I go to sleep now and never wake up again.",5.997025641025642,3.5487966,7.201538461538465,82.02179487179487,67.61538461538461,9.8974358974359,29.35897435897436,7.793537801064563,1.6744358974358975,229,5,53,2,3,79,47,65,0.264,0.6609999999999999,0.075,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,0,2,0,7,3,2,1,1,10,12,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,10,1,7,10,0,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,36,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254545440641257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152828822287325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503693684528497,0.0,0.16356962381333506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318420228570189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917951801100277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221977586058096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959176426847317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880188534970464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688353347909156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272811174986701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975838462857068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044526765818,0.31467614699191226,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,my-fa-account-,2019/04/16,"Almost 24 year old incel. I’m fucking done with this world I can’t do it anymore. I can’t stand seeing everybody getting into relationships so easily while I’m stuck here permanently. On my 24 birthday, I fucking leaving this world. My birthday present to myself will be a gun",2.8042138364779885,5.589443037735856,4.55311320754717,78.15218553459121,80.88679245283019,6.552201257861638,29.58805031446541,7.793537801064563,2.4713672955974846,223,11,37,4,6,75,40,53,0.08900000000000001,0.848,0.063,-0.0731,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,3,13,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,0,4,9,0,9,0,0,1,2,1,4,2,1,4,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998854305390662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29700316274960736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064714759381485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537278904801756,0.15646566306557005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31710551842256884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142533270000764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215288748470256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23864636469097905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928549605376312
suicidewatch,veryhomesick,2019/04/16,I deserve everything that’s happened to me. I deserve to die. So I found out that my ex best friend has dissed me in his songs that he makes. He’s called me a lot of vulgar names and I miss him so much and I’m tired of being this monster in everyone’s lives i don’t want to be here anymore.. I just want to apologize to him. I don’t think he’s ever hated a friend this much. I forgave him for abandoning our apartment and leaving everything on me. I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry,-1.4031658878504665,0.6016917850467287,1.5751343457943925,95.6808323598131,98.43925233644859,4.544158878504674,18.837032710280376,6.322622252153567,0.0643649532710282,379,13,87,5,16,132,59,107,0.177,0.6659999999999999,0.157,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,14,17,7,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,18,3,12,14,4,6,0,2,0,0,14,5,0,1,1,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971841321513145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959401434124606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474640252812476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760951908967454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480001746083294,0.0,0.1635253604082599,0.3076074487598708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876390122292131,0.26443458244204904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151332758697361,0.0,0.0,0.1689588676818606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120563064108705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111398567911022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549155289728055,0.0,0.0,0.114232917345495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516055765759029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5747097124355315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965541486696996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966927442748541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187790417797094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,musicfreak2001,2019/04/16,Last few years have been horrible The last 3 years have been even worse. I want to die so much but I don't have the balls to kms. Please I need someone to help me talk to me. My gf is depressed as well but not suicidal. She doesn't understand me a lot anymore. I'm such a freak. Even a teacher in high school says so.. I'm being bullied and family is dying left and right. I don't see the light in the tunnel...,-0.6613993871297232,1.419115505617981,1.4868028600612853,98.81373850868229,90.57303370786516,5.034116445352401,17.079673135852914,6.574015621080383,-0.3157955056179769,316,8,77,4,11,105,59,89,0.205,0.644,0.151,-0.759,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,7,0,11,0,0,0,0,9,17,7,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,3,9,1,7,14,3,9,0,1,1,0,5,5,0,1,4,48,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874526930393054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392144242525905,0.0,0.3950420685235753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514077578953645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941577868834455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756678795702633,0.201082431769374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102707098621301,0.0,0.0,0.20678210823580948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618023749623177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399063348800964,0.14111909822490973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891306771269907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625313530002914,0.0,0.15134927680921176,0.0,0.19261294940325585,0.1516595714166765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125663823685366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817805356185526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297117187785494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812875059300675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122550543242619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711196025289064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19395128089114988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451183423522127
suicidewatch,7spt6,2019/04/16,"I’m going to kill myself. It’s been a long time coming, and I really wanna do it this time. I knew from the age of 16 that was wasn’t going to make it past 30, and everything’s going wrong right now, so might as well not delay the inevitable. I’m severely depressed, just got dumped, my family doesn’t understand mental illness in general and overall, my life is just full of nothing I care about anymore. I know everyone’s lives would be better off without me or just wouldn’t be affected by it. The world is a revolving piece of shit, and since being unborn isn’t an option, I guess this is the only way out.",4.5065800000000005,4.931276728000004,5.89095,80.65722500000003,69.72,9.13,26.825,9.188382445141503,2.07198,481,14,96,9,8,163,87,125,0.208,0.737,0.055,-0.9643,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,7,8,3,0,7,0,15,3,1,2,0,25,28,7,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,5,1,0,5,0,9,3,14,17,2,18,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,4,7,66,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838230293660814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908003724243536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833890367997428,0.0,0.0,0.15494172682995486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492141608817211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187310336910194,0.16165519129820702,0.0,0.16956504342397966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30667210281674584,0.0,0.14385814418182827,0.0,0.19814663434705185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989990537331209,0.0,0.09885162380786697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704721225793594,0.0,0.0,0.1588281451653709,0.15917892881985765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200643494199241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181266243031426,0.1908132126349848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725897247050964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679893000680945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170587830357453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522906650698438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360764884077022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320144120018188,0.18463355146886307,0.1487899852850084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976681122303287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18725058879129966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277210994828282,0.0,0.0,0.16172436474447674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338786809834505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277741974989308,0.19665916253172872,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_recyclebin,2019/04/16,"OCD, you’re beginning to win. iv been dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder for most of my life. 
began showing signs when I was around seven, and was officially diagnosed sometime in middle school. 

I’m not a clean freak, I’m not a germaphobe. I’m pretty unorganized sometimes. 

Things I still do are:
•re writing notes because my handwriting was too big or sloppy during the time of writing them.
•begin touching items in stores (like touching clothe racks) and sometimes having to go back and do it again.
•having to touch corners of a room.
•having to write down specific phrase and time stamp  with said phrase.
•trichotillomania of hair on my head (obsessive urge to pull out hair on the body, mine being from my scalp.)
•excessive blinking 
•having to repeat phrases in my head
•knocking on wood
•having to take a picture and say a phrase every night when it turns 11:11 

and more I can not think of at this moment.  

it’s hard. I break down crying to myself because no matter the medication, or coping skills or help from others I still feel unsafe.
my ocd surrounds religion. iv had horrible thoughts of hurting God, saying horrible things about Him, and things such as that- things I would never do or say to anyone or any figure.
one of my most terrifying delusions is where I believed I had sold my soul (even talking about it is difficult) I honestly and truly believed I had in some way (even though I don’t practice anything like that)
No one could convince me otherwise. 

My ocd religious fears most likely came from the many private schools I attended (I’m from the south) I was already emotionally unstable with a difficult home life. I hate myself for being afraid of religion. I don’t hate religion, or God or anything- I don’t blame the schools, I blame myself. 

This might sound ridiculous to some people. I am just afraid of negative things happening because of the negative thoughts about God.
I’m also afraid of any other religious figure (Buddha, etc.) I respect all religions but I’m absolutely terrified to think or even talk about them.

Sorry. It’s difficult.",4.88492782865125,7.437992303430079,5.134133943814994,78.10754268198046,71.8759894459103,8.152754927828651,30.935977029334158,8.925248442259385,2.9696589476951734,1669,75,275,35,34,526,205,379,0.139,0.8059999999999999,0.055,-0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,2,2,20,21,3,6,13,0,25,12,6,0,2,49,47,22,0,2,13,0,7,3,0,2,6,5,3,0,16,14,0,0,7,1,2,4,11,14,0,3,14,12,36,7,48,28,9,39,1,1,0,0,14,19,0,14,17,190,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553244604225816,0.0764769889002006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006627099076046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686821680180409,0.0,0.1573942079169293,0.0851328810079426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353521369137839,0.0,0.17488939725552485,0.0,0.0,0.2154893499040421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622575033563587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937769303062624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635448322333509,0.0,0.10504741675217467,0.0,0.0985925385560788,0.0,0.09706461044668244,0.0,0.0,0.10960271918669046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757328730347858,0.0,0.0,0.10665511683905016,0.18949238233397334,0.0,0.08057420368208293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761274635571932,0.048354484099465536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054349949782394436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456718678078777,0.0,0.08566761459789955,0.18883388163294587,0.1962923338318648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410020851923612,0.0,0.09592683515923904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237618524430203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509561925177455,0.14016310111752228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695598128796233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963393214156487,0.0,0.10145058936833773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375740295669188,0.0,0.0,0.08974428637395115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296056279390199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662992856142851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729226814559984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096806597997738,0.22815155162425735,0.0,0.2903544978591052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837478993582789,0.10705235274155694,0.0,0.0,0.15274390325742204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190346874109893,0.15373098549922887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176687267778576,0.12255442946262148,0.09395809334211568,0.15184247606299994,0.11152774136874287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402030834653783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759083425072985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793432940689477,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lohas12345,2019/04/16,"I just want to tell how bad im feeling when im without my friends I just wanted to post this here and expres my self how i feel, for past 40 days i feel suicidal. And often think that i dont hawe point to live here i know that i not going to kill myself because if i would kill myself i would hurt my family., i hawe 0 motivation to do something for example sports i know i could be pro in rowing and i lowe rowing but as i said i hawe 0 motivation to do it. All i want to do is just be with my friends and i dont be with them often. 
And for example after this weekend when my friends left i felt 10x more depressed, ewery time i remember how fun was weekend i jus t want to cry and die.

When im not with my friends i just feel empty and usless i dont know what to do. 
Also:I dont want to say to my friends that i hawe depression because they would change perspective about me, also im ashamed of saying to anyone that i hawe depression. Also i dont think they would know how to help me.",-0.043115608094574036,1.8730122580645163,2.4997034662392323,93.94533159687435,85.40552995391704,5.617231015828493,20.03386094970948,6.8959733430537185,0.24138966139050266,768,23,181,10,23,265,95,217,0.23,0.659,0.111,-0.9878,1,0,1,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,3,2,18,15,2,1,0,0,19,0,0,6,1,50,37,19,4,11,9,0,5,0,5,4,0,3,0,1,8,10,0,0,14,3,0,1,8,9,0,0,3,8,39,6,25,26,2,15,0,5,0,0,14,4,0,3,9,121,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044001034649784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059572910446057524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113735388224153,0.10387267074429962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012892529176636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680242274846489,0.0,0.09358676887280397,0.05494611174636378,0.0,0.22014454062775052,0.0,0.08842279714098586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992611962721006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031774976342675,0.0,0.17231608609877302,0.0,0.08180411079489906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291215127457368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842038334491601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710689120076912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912069680793889,0.0,0.368116855026886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18851947168062594,0.0,0.18729190461401105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925686344102828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523201103947254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133179745080406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054030804123577,0.0,0.08159680136406791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651351607481977,0.0,0.08104347188050086,0.1355068481769778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888082291500865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559011997168017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319354704728962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446741713169454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918377071104199,0.0,0.0,0.04968004581686355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25126199682128786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212850432335933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24209084169032166,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,August-7,2019/04/16,"I just want to die Why life is so painful? ,At one time you think you have everything you need and it just goes away in one second ,I don't think I can or want to live anymore , it's just too painful and hassle ,death is a better choice ,I wish people would remember me ,but I know ,no one will . 
I hate humans ,I hate them so much.

I hope you all have a better life than the one I had.",0.8867857142857147,2.1030731547619084,2.4352380952380948,98.97642857142858,79.35714285714286,5.752380952380952,17.952380952380953,6.18269132825596,-0.5555047619047621,291,5,75,2,7,95,55,84,0.231,0.624,0.145,-0.884,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,4,1,2,6,7,2,0,3,0,9,4,0,0,1,18,19,6,2,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,1,0,15,3,6,16,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662431747610778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574932003670068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965089024743792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739726984356656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065436299235105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309983641181619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649367059636547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212465307137277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368029962906072,0.0,0.0,0.1480197007159832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322678796363025,0.12429496641079958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4543596780127629,0.0,0.3567386859542904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621301691604065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989126526136013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482011234833895,0.0,0.0,0.09774596493918253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774415202737936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125932695943115,0.0,0.1927653671609938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907901117477927,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Wizzer10,2019/04/16,"No point hi

i'm a person with a long history of mental health problems. all of my former friends think I have borderline personality disorder but i'm not so sure. I realise that that may be a symptom of my mental health problems in itself but I feel more like i'm a distinctly troubled person (extremely depressed, extremely anxious, prone to emotionally volatile outbursts) but not someone with a personality disorder. but also I just don't know. i'm on medication (venlafaxine, sometimes called Effexor) but that ran out a while ago while I've been switching doctors. i'm picking up my new prescription today so that might make things better in time but I don't think it will fix why I want to do this.

​

broadly I've lost everything. I mistreated my friends again and again to the point that none of them want anything to do with me again and apparently they all viscerally hate me. I can't blame them, I was brutal in my mistreatment of them. my closest friend (who I lived with up until all this went down) was also very emotionally vulnerable but I took advantage of that, manipulated her and basically tried to make her as bad as me. i claimed to be in love with her but the reality is that that's just a delusion, i don't know what love is because i'm not capable of feeling it. if I loved her (even platonically, as I had always claimed) then I wouldn't have done any of the things that i did. people don't treat people they love like that.   


my other friends, I blamed for my problems. I was nasty to them, tried to create division between them and basically just attacked them relentlessly. there was no reason for this, other than the fact that I always view other peoples' mistakes as being somehow worse than my deliberate misdeeds. that's my problem more than anything, i'm 100000x more critical of everyone else than I am of myself and I eventually make people believe that that's what's right.  


i only have two friends left now, my oldest friend and his girlfriend. but even though they've continued to support me even after everything that's happened, i know they must know everything that I've done wrong and that, as they're still very close with the group that has cut me off, they must at least partially resent me for the immense hurt I've caused. i in no way blame them for that, it's right that i should be judged for the awful awful things I've said and done. but it's hard that even the people who come closest to seeing any kind of good in me still know that i'm evil. i went to see them last night and my old friend kept making jokes about how hated i am amongst the original group and how i take things too far. i know he didn't mean any harm but it's an unfortunately timely reminder of exactly what i am.  


i had to give up my degree as i have nowhere to live near to my university now (technically i could've stayed but being in such close proximity to the person who i was previously closest with was just too painful and realistically i just want to allow all of them to get on with their lives without ever having to think of me again). i had to move home. my mental health fell apart and i was extremely imminently suicidal for a time and this caused my mum (who's home i had come back to) to have a mental break down. i basically blamed her for me being the way i am now. she then moved out of her own home to stay with her sister while she recovered so i'm just here on my own with her dog for company. it's just another example of how i cause immense hurt to EVERYONE close to me. without exception.  


i'm really growing more and more certain that suicide is where it ends for me. last night me and my old friend were talking about the future and i just couldn't picture it. i don't see myself growing old because i never see things getting better and i don't think i can do \*this\* for much longer. I've been suicidal before (even posted here before, even made a serious attempt once before) but it's usually been out of desperation rather than as a sensible plan. but i'm thinking that i genuinely can't cope with this much longer and i will surely kill myself within the next month. i ordered the components i would need for an exit bag device this morning, i want to be ready to go when i need to and i want to have a painless death (i'm a coward lol). basically, my life has fallen apart and it's never ever going to be fixed but not only that, i don't think i'm capable of moving on and finding new friends and a new purpose as i have done in the past. i think this is all i will ever have. and if that's the case then suicide is the only sensible option, not only because of the pain it will spare me but because of the pain it will spare everyone i care about and ever will care about.

​

tl;dr: have lost all but two of my closest friends, and the two that are left still think i'm evil. whole family has abandoned me. i'm unemployed, living in my mother's empty home, nothing to live for.",4.9715384615384615,5.762167446592066,5.817257375381483,80.29158760466393,68.83723296032554,8.897653963533923,29.772110493778854,9.057496981413335,2.3467524188121143,3932,144,777,70,65,1292,352,983,0.199,0.6759999999999999,0.125,-0.9983,3,0,0,0,0,4,96.0,0,0,14,7,52,57,9,0,36,3,79,14,0,16,20,156,153,69,6,21,36,3,3,2,11,13,10,1,4,5,63,44,0,2,19,1,0,15,25,28,0,3,30,9,122,29,122,101,18,118,0,6,5,4,60,44,0,6,54,551,185,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036710413392438086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623644120905238,0.06891840699780072,0.08974263948960615,0.1006434442544028,0.08448744225863718,0.04342548158545658,0.0,0.04678526880012142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815927476524712,0.0,0.0,0.0471136351893176,0.0,0.031844290214015684,0.034578396084295325,0.10098071281300837,0.0,0.10571906662746408,0.04665863503962616,0.0,0.07325344012485284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04228763455591775,0.0,0.08444728867074243,0.12762867612191542,0.0,0.07134782406344402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03306516974452132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035669235669643966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492651541544228,0.04238829241261246,0.0,0.16952083726685568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459551854051441,0.09316883186182387,0.03667991334129321,0.0,0.0,0.1641186613453943,0.1498428917088537,0.0,0.1187166187376523,0.11165887702101927,0.0,0.03904079660478337,0.0,0.04187964235134664,0.02958568726550117,0.0,0.0,0.03785102828633554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319958317438218,0.0,0.04327350551172051,0.039727434440350345,0.04707229331654656,0.03473553171107241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662166604604584,0.0,0.03709820430586178,0.08177416814474613,0.0,0.13206128196425956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661637642582115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886676407198804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04581770761508523,0.043125604565926685,0.13655808041115602,0.06751477358739179,0.0,0.0,0.08999139638844912,0.0,0.029251455800148592,0.040464916921892025,0.0,0.1828436211056738,0.036649488941448365,0.0,0.0,0.09041507147317784,0.0,0.14950856881948574,0.03918628893171553,0.11057486261407133,0.0,0.0,0.0451112510636925,0.0,0.04171956748581454,0.16693956213152705,0.04393299275347117,0.0,0.0,0.03305572047390367,0.1320474297929134,0.06088711710537404,0.06141491067426452,0.0638810177404944,0.11999174046450027,0.044043540381927634,0.0777271991711612,0.0,0.03973720173821122,0.0,0.13036895263386428,0.04410383895999143,0.0,0.12598679761591866,0.13220009123012427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395337042077361,0.14355392376664455,0.18080258763904455,0.0,0.0,0.07829795515900496,0.0,0.03966251712776536,0.0,0.0,0.1585078340476058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026530436094719525,0.042579794919296934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073350561219997,0.03939355511268152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200423115810886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0350893754194938,0.0,0.040958836822064124,0.0,0.0,0.08828218730198037,0.0992182032168589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119782119734096,0.046995349821556,0.07806313638474807,0.04304430098758103,0.031137666038419574,0.033286461488164866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756586293318945,0.21228788891265024,0.04068838101020853,0.0,0.0724453275807165,0.0,0.03925498925051256,0.0,0.0460117272634452,0.056233857726008266,0.0,0.12136440120371912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045610926056890114,0.06834065965932279,0.12213325872929814,0.06574393864175923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678113334445308,0.0373690838901731,0.046236497799047135,0.0,0.07984193387358524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422037156590425,0.029418837486581414,0.045278969119070686,0.1006434442544028,0.0
suicidewatch,XxXxXxXxXxthrowaway,2019/04/16,No one can help me I've done all I can to get therapy and everything I need but no one can do anything for me. Theres nowhere I can go. I'm laying in my bed and honestly I just dont want to be alive anymore.,-1.150408163265304,0.3795992653061262,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,86.95918367346937,6.3689795918367365,22.044897959183675,7.554174236665415,0.6668253061224494,160,6,43,3,5,58,35,49,0.115,0.7,0.185,0.6723,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,7,13,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,7,1,4,11,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139793431429441,0.0,0.0,0.26053251391901544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239888485235858,0.37104955217370295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845371426642885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540896621754184,0.0,0.17992948070430778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220842481146232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23475280693914086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290689030034315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620564817881609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673722711668128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,x299,2019/04/16,So about that redditor who took 200g acetaminophen? What do you think happpen to him?I saw a video on youtube in where 20g overdose treatment is not possible.,6.323,7.51006996666667,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,66.0,8.666666666666668,38.33333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.333333333333334,129,7,24,2,2,38,29,30,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6601959751322498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752401811023414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6506428212971076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtremeMisanthropy,2019/04/16,"This month has been hell, the year has been inferno. If everything has been bad, this month has been particularly shitty. Anything that could have theoritically gone wrong went wrong.",6.962999999999997,10.443727966666668,6.0100000000000025,69.78500000000001,69.33333333333334,9.333333333333334,26.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.9226666666666667,149,5,24,4,3,45,21,30,0.421,0.579,0.0,-0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,12,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243474322677534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470375923128786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236226686257812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26590726448954033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723183561281197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27427278972436925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6469708708475718,0.0,0.19052942326132244
suicidewatch,Gotham_101,2019/04/16,"Hi Reddit I Need Help I feel like killing myself. I don't even know exactly how to explain why I want to but I want to. I hate myself more everyday and it scares me. I keep pushing good things away. Like recently I started a new job but I quit it within a week. I don't even have a valid reason why. I have no physical disability that prevents me from working.

I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I want to admit myself but if I do I risk losing my apartment. Financially I'm in a tight spot.
Honestly I don't know why I'm typing this here for the world to see but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I want help but I'm scared and afraid I'll lose my place in the process.",-1.117781874039938,0.9407806258064542,1.6769585253456256,96.18591397849464,94.35483870967742,4.7588325652841785,18.34869431643625,6.42735559955562,-0.08709831029185855,547,17,130,7,21,189,79,155,0.181,0.627,0.192,-0.4854,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,5,6,14,2,4,6,0,10,0,0,2,1,29,31,9,1,6,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,9,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,0,4,27,5,13,31,1,13,0,3,1,0,5,7,0,1,8,78,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544645429531239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053558080568536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947275140628196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973768172999314,0.183305217652666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076061567108462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266628653546379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198430727930716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731109545441344,0.1140327927253846,0.14193729541180464,0.0,0.2820261075044208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803256969579524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305814533980621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953944822166194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512770032380047,0.0,0.12390626535608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340389728133606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645549267122772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190666326668132,0.12667394856136155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688752714940066,0.0,0.10223298222873012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080650912187682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523222807113638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026823527619565,0.0,0.10290897793695042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34729367588275023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933988971736998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Redditisbae121,2019/04/16,Not suicidal but have a question I accidentally liked a suicidal comment on YouTube. It was a suicide causes’ comment but her other comments were suicidal. If I delete my account as I want to start a new channel. To clarify I didn’t like her other comments btw. Would it harm her mental health if delete my account which removes the like from that suicide causes’ comment. You get notified when someone likes your comment so she’ll know if I removed the like.,5.088369747899158,7.288067282352941,5.6657142857142855,76.07000000000002,70.29411764705883,7.680672268907562,38.02521008403362,8.418075326091056,3.6083445378151273,369,22,59,6,7,119,56,85,0.182,0.545,0.274,0.8082,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,2,0,12,10,8,5,5,6,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,13,5,5,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,4,8,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994330018161755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761438340986892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491622762143686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009562815786701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560092814855577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687299044917868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075789286614418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632636535586756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348616313716015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315646949565896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7970868475490953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596201745751493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353046532584882,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uglylesb,2019/04/16,"I no longer fear death. ive been lonley for so long, ive never had any real friends till i was about 13 where i made my first best friend, a year ago she stopped being my friend because she got a boyfriend. i dont think ill ever find anyone again, i moved to a new school 4 months ago and no one has wanted to be my friend they all have their own friends, everyone always has their own friends or people who are better than me or can replace me, what the point of living if im just going to be replaced. i havent been touched in a year and i wish i could be, not in a sexual way though, i just want someone to hug me. i think its because im ugly or that im retarded i cant talk to anyone properley im socially retarded and i hate rejection so to avoid it i dont ask for anything because every time in my life ive asked someone to  talk or hang out there always too busy, im so stupid, ive given up on finding love. im a lesbian and it turns out females standards are much higher than mens when it comes to dating chicks. theres no reason for me to live if i die no one is going to care.",1.5316912574322856,2.6602655648535602,3.4362915657344217,92.83054833737064,77.4518828451883,6.203127064523232,22.620788372605162,6.5966054737557815,0.3746435146443514,846,24,199,7,19,286,137,239,0.17600000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.163,-0.5592,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,3,14,16,2,2,7,0,24,5,0,2,3,33,41,16,2,6,9,0,1,0,6,0,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,2,5,0,0,5,10,5,0,3,7,1,31,11,25,29,5,31,0,1,0,3,20,9,0,6,16,127,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329416371417298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143893633834931,0.0,0.0,0.058799990740752164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091837488217053,0.0,0.07115432692631664,0.0,0.16166847647991356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812700496366344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907409573106797,0.07647233989905618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815806809585933,0.0,0.0,0.0744829873319033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690362362562997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897382791336446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267551826132407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782136410705527,0.07285151476029497,0.0826221731411657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729853006630296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158057106708325,0.07354811766716805,0.0,0.0,0.4008214958308432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828148434245976,0.0,0.06915493037227921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536748541323419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603900943813849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107364423236841,0.0,0.0,0.15270250262907134,0.07651987867546636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803913422426531,0.08181642258605921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690165072761115,0.09189990182676733,0.06356261640163012,0.0,0.06668807490027133,0.0835096085247872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718348907389065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994478584713755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173852081370105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841748167640016,0.0,0.08890166917350961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750842502877597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814141647764216,0.1465250854759366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228962681122897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389965354594274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080811747347193,0.0849526164846779,0.0,0.050419144870271035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940504117022176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200002685042524,0.06863285619823857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943187914619626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136281413768677
suicidewatch,XannyTranny,2019/04/16,"i feel so fucking bad I gained so much weight in the time where my mental shit started. I drink alcohol almost every day to manage the pain.

I took drugs (a lot of Xanax) but i stopped it not because i wanted to but because my Dealer was arrested. I am fucking drowning  my pain in alcohol and by sitting all day in my House and only going out when my dog needs to go out.

I dont have the strength to change my life but at the same time im fucking broken that i can not change it. I almost have no social contact and i almost lost all my friends , my health is fucking going down and i dont have the will to change it.

I want to change it all but in the same time i dont care",1.05750790305585,2.6274660890411003,2.9338356164383548,94.03165964172815,79.89041095890411,5.31422550052687,22.189673340358272,5.873414542411696,0.13408598524762905,523,16,120,3,13,175,76,146,0.22,0.731,0.049,-0.9791,0,0,4,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,4,12,5,0,7,0,11,15,1,0,3,26,26,11,1,3,6,0,2,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,5,6,4,1,1,1,0,4,6,9,0,0,3,2,22,3,16,22,7,22,0,1,0,4,3,9,5,4,8,83,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22174219458901434,0.3116547672570973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866221502620718,0.12648311473926752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577421969817598,0.0,0.4389908189447784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338129713368006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647626120737646,0.10162991011256127,0.12031044187055807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740904030725105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245623110795168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801525825060483,0.3836397042722877,0.0,0.0,0.17688081547678194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027533089565364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197069837772045,0.0,0.0,0.1120616377681304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327766139088288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324914967155827,0.0881996869686135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454984522987526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626399145392221,0.07692507784035167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890220882078353,0.22078248201138898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649202470073386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575424067683764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734307437143342,0.0,0.0,0.08673487331772903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814823925373439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526372545202565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238214246670265,0.0,0.0,0.12633259855355872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,elizawatts,2019/04/16,It’s my birthday and I want to die So today is my birthday. In the past month my family has cut me off. I wrecked my car. My boyfriend and love of my life has left me. I was staying with my best friend but had to leave after her boyfriend raped me. Now I’m alone with nothing and no one and no one to blame or hate but myself. All I can think about is the book The Bell Jar when she just swims into the ocean to stop the noise in her head. I keep fantasizing about it. Happy birthday to me.,0.1842195540308751,2.096588433962264,1.6379931389365368,100.48239279588336,84.47169811320755,4.609262435677532,18.12692967409949,5.565023196281405,-0.697290566037736,378,9,94,2,11,121,68,106,0.198,0.66,0.14300000000000002,-0.8396,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,5,0,7,4,1,0,1,16,13,9,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,3,0,2,2,0,20,4,15,11,2,15,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,7,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100716439820815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23407177546371224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23148530659592456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026680370037312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723238729120619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374353560033039,0.0,0.22021058042327374,0.2289083314496268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198252482312286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361722568748202,0.2423388471127419,0.0,0.15754315100031535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130665627631456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803224556153432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401751818934087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022818819140872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292151659574948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773609867108494,0.0,0.18647545493022968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291811306334168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114204072871423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315576124047314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GeneticSelection,2019/04/16,"HSP, Depression and Aspergers *Chapter 1: The Beginnings* 

When I was a child I was easily overwhelmed by sensory perception. For my parents this was slightly difficult, I mean, what to do with a child, that is sick almost every second day and doesn't want to play soccer with others or anything. However, as I got older I got used to it, knew how to handle it. Now the overwhelming of my senses is no problem anymore but I struggle another side effect of HSP. To be honest, I experience feelings and emotions more or, to be more precisly, in another way than others. All my life, people never understood me. Never knew why I felt so sad and depressed. Today it's still the same, I talked to my peers and comrades a lot about my problems and way of perceiving stuff, they however never understood it, talked to me like I have a chance of controlling it. ""Ignore it and focus on yourself"" - gotta vomit if I have to hear that type of shit ever again. 

But what bugs me off so much you may ask? Well, it is a long story, you don't know me so I try to bring it in a short way. 

*Chapter 2: Isolation and loneliness*

I never got loved my whole life. It's not that my parents were the worst but they still never truly understood me, especially my father. Ever since I hit puberty or so I had that enormous urge for interhuman closeness because I never had that my life. I can't even explain it properly, I'm sorry, but it hasn't to do with sex or something, I don't care about that at all. All I need is like... warmness, hugs, a girlfriend - that type of stuff. But sadly, all my approaches to girls, I thought were not hoes or bitches but rather friendly and loving humans, went a bad way. Everyone, as soon as I got slightly closer to them, treated me a bad way. Ignoring. Rejecting. Those things. One important thing is, I only approached girls when I already developed feelings for them, so it wasn't a huge amount of girls but you see, I am old and grown up now, over the years it wasn't just one, even though I was always stuck with one for a long time.

*Chapter 3: Therapy & Medication*

I could never explain why me? Why I am destined for chronic isolation and loneliness. You see, the first years of rejection weren't that bad. I mean, it happens, but as I got older, and it never changed, like an endless cycle, those add up to a mixture of major depression. I went to see psychiatrists, therapy, even medication. Nothing helped me. I tried like 6 different antidepressants, none with success, my doctor told me - well the chances that some will help you after those are rather low, so I stopped taking another one. After this pointless trial and error, I decided to not do those goddamn drugs anymore, anyways, this only changes what you truly are. Makes you slow, alters your personality, but helps? Not at all. Therapy - 2 years now, first a counsellor for my own, then group therapy - no changing to the better. I am done.

*Chapter 4: Source of my pain*

Of course, I tried to find out the source of all this. Why my life is so shit. Why I am a burden to everyone around me. Why I am trash for everyone. Why no one likes me. My reasoning told me, maybe it was because of looks, but no it can't be looks, then it wouldn't always turn that way, even when I am older. It must be something more complex. (Also one girl I liked told me directly ""and btw you are good looking (y)"".) ... Maybe it was because I have some Asperger type of personality? You see, I never got diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, but I do feel like it. I have troubles interpreting the words and statements of others. I feel a huge derealization, can't connect with others, especially with the opposite gender, and everything I do for others feels like I am just adjusting for them. I also have an IQ of 125-130 (not meant to flex though, tested that three times at three different psychologists :/), which is another common trait for Aspergers, isn't it? After all, this might explain it, you see, I went out with girls I had emotions for but I always felt so detached. I do always feel that type of feeling anyways but in those situations even more intensified. It is not about the butterfly-in-my-stomach effect or something. It is something sad and depressing. I like to use the phrase ""Wrong Planet"" because this is what it feels like. What I feel like for a long time now.  

*Chapter 5: Future?*

I am sorry for the long text and probably edgy way of presenting it but this probably sums up why I am the way I am. For the tl;dr, I am on the edge of suicide. Didn't figure out the method yet but I live in a country where there are little ways (no guns and stuff), so maybe via jumping off a building or slicing the veins. I am not in the phase where I say, I am going to do it just after posting this but I am definitely planning it. However, I do give myself a few weeks to do some stuff for the last time and also to celebrate my birthday in May -> I will see if no one cares for me again and no one wants to do something with me then, like always. You see, it sounds stereotypical but it is a hundred percent true, I actually don't want to die, I loved life when I was a child and stuff, always only wanted love, inner harmony and peace, sadly, I am the result of yearlong bad experiences and mental health issues that were untreatable, shaping my mentality and person in a way that is unrecognizable and in the end, I am tired of life, tired of Earth, tired of people, tired of waking up every morning in this prison I call my daily routine and never changing life, tired of this never-ending cycle of depression, tired of everything.",3.3342830712303417,5.363363848288625,4.712021276595745,81.76250000000003,74.71692876965774,7.745235892691952,27.13367252543941,8.561484130418755,2.107439222941721,4364,169,823,85,94,1449,402,1081,0.184,0.708,0.108,-0.9984,7,3,7,1,0,2,197.0,0,12,5,8,52,62,3,3,47,0,86,33,4,9,21,166,159,79,2,14,38,3,12,12,3,8,23,3,0,12,78,43,0,4,36,2,0,9,39,32,2,13,40,25,121,30,117,105,25,119,0,14,10,6,56,38,3,17,73,612,199,7,0.0,0.0,0.03389014447664695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03477571796081913,0.0,0.03832391952219385,0.08331744627820109,0.1733820708904179,0.037628468599534524,0.0,0.0,0.14566403480452736,0.0,0.0,0.06888296108740842,0.0,0.0,0.02857871291570592,0.030915853870519112,0.03246659181825653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598786027958265,0.08468103017368861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03071466124935128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035461825907633006,0.0,0.07081632918610302,0.0,0.14695319158476605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389511245238713,0.02772799437471637,0.0,0.0,0.022397100764716987,0.0,0.14955864035178548,0.03524884013132987,0.03604284697353219,0.07256807759028157,0.0,0.03554623619512788,0.0,0.03553945782261878,0.0,0.0,0.04027419857287718,0.0,0.0,0.07813009477114806,0.061518536795715825,0.0,0.0,0.11468970101902808,0.06282808905105894,0.05852075666360487,0.09955411576522744,0.062423727401529926,0.06794255066067854,0.0,0.0,0.15803860177568188,0.0992405938222484,0.06668988411405385,0.0,0.03174134920552291,0.059080329506234326,0.0,0.0,0.02683126230598173,0.0,0.0,0.03331487747364338,0.01973708730925945,0.02912873683483767,0.16665400296976493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03071042302106292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691492197293757,0.03914170301680126,0.0,0.06983362912852514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036247678983826616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01908595315815668,0.028308478025455105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717090659754509,0.20359992054227954,0.03480722236495778,0.030666026738368355,0.12293501966649853,0.08748993678614655,0.0,0.0,0.029525049129661807,0.12537581954756155,0.0,0.023181637900528438,0.0,0.10466876482200864,0.07565934337522888,0.0,0.06997090542708857,0.0699966048180892,0.036841600552634315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025529547460893424,0.02575084765717673,0.2946335623966342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033323068194641786,0.0,0.03644186731032297,0.0,0.18826421033658108,0.0792380904719584,0.03695372315025693,0.0,0.0771240931459222,0.0,0.0,0.04815293460067018,0.0909711307407444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0332604387124912,0.0,0.07488669877532768,0.06646123949732226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03570682755059707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02761760965851989,0.0,0.0,0.19371961682716698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129690295443353,0.028727891158086275,0.039036448164434114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367902472851634,0.0,0.07775174185740208,0.0,0.0,0.055468675989933935,0.02903469937339165,0.0,0.036305916534498425,0.19877992904524586,0.037987497158571366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026111616405603128,0.05582713314520203,0.0,0.0,0.15886091293021,0.0,0.04614433257759405,0.0,0.06824142797296938,0.027570662156162308,0.0810022006501441,0.2394927879667282,0.03291869146681502,0.09955411576522744,0.0,0.07073540387405917,0.03777478941547713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998879172493616,0.0,0.0,0.0819354102743811,0.2756597916955271,0.02785722144433209,0.0,0.06245043897397426,0.09658139591792518,0.25069757836442635,0.0387732880485512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379703177309282,0.0,0.06709231958630832
suicidewatch,mrpotatopuree,2019/04/16,"I did it again I used to cut everyday but now it's been 12 months where I only did it 4 times... until today bumped up to six

I torment myself all day and I find it so scary to be with myself alone, I don't want to spiral again but my meds aren't working",0.2865517241379294,1.5184097241379315,2.768482758620692,95.8747931034483,81.06896551724137,5.329655172413793,16.772413793103446,5.6839178017228535,-0.693583448275862,196,3,49,1,5,68,42,58,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.8767,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,9,0,7,4,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748094050229078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333894262543732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307613497585792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019787497069153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888575348199395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752340234719984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102125375151912,0.0,0.343029867802703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125571883042973,0.0,0.0,0.2134523860335916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634605852996136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lurks_in_shadows,2019/04/16,"Bad days I'm sorry if this is out of the norm for the sub bit I'm struggling here and idk where else to turn. I don't feel like I'm in any immediate danger but I don't think I can last much longer either. I guess this post is more about bad days that turn into bad nights through bad decisions. There is just too much going on right now. To sum it up in as little as possible, I'm gay, family is hyper religious and conservative, but I work for parents because we have a ""family run business"" so I can't come out because of fears they're abandon me which I can't handle since they're my source of income which wouldn't be a problem if my mom hadn't talked me out of a decent job that would have allowed me to move out and away from their control. My best friend  is also having a personal crisis which I'm trying to help with but it's hard with my shit going on and it's just so much and idk.",4.498841262364579,3.930155445595858,5.620602920395665,86.01600094206312,69.67357512953367,8.676212906264722,25.835609985869056,8.00094639256281,1.2080818652849743,703,16,161,8,11,235,113,193,0.222,0.6990000000000001,0.078,-0.9809,4,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,1,3,11,13,2,2,6,0,17,2,1,2,0,33,30,15,0,5,8,2,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,14,0,3,3,0,0,5,6,10,0,0,1,2,16,3,28,26,7,25,0,1,0,1,8,14,1,3,6,103,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362447970650232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811833371454256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174397121223506,0.0,0.4327730461256432,0.1579806166308588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359854288605837,0.0,0.14146698067421695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116210504642121,0.0,0.0,0.14533414763909014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671357933315678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824683643925948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443115699848414,0.14581268184409346,0.06551916240873748,0.09257144235665407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011260740189634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728574828239294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274615317821615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607755637436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685424011073647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858741158750986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562438376504484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330587643082541,0.12987245056288918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176165193526,0.0,0.13772223627056293,0.2857669758083699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160134853462623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388242286729205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314360331982773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608113515388296,0.12410110284286277,0.0,0.0,0.12398984254563905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106599718083804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301123840261947,0.10718929494244192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450533619815633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354643671600179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415089307395352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302915145733515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879758051969539,0.2818900295718011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433523755197333,0.0,0.0,0.09204938165369042,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mirmina,2019/04/16,"i want to stop existing due to panic attacks, emetophobia, anxiety i want to die. 1,5 years ago i had a food poising that make me to vomit. i always fear of vomiting and that triggered my phobia and had panic attacks, i stoped eating, i lost a lot of weight, i am an ugly human skeleton, i have no energy, not even to walk, im ugly, i feel lonely. i stayed in hospital for a month, i took xanax and ladose for a year, they ruined me. i want to die. the doctors dont understand me. nobody does. i harm my self, i slap my self, i punch my self, i can not feel calm. i can not feel like i use to. i scream in my pillow. i feel anxious and stressed when i eat. i fear that i will vomit again. im hungry. im scared. i want to die. i want it to stop. its a torture. im nothing",-1.152132877102936,0.8292618562874274,2.1377758768177952,93.89986027944114,92.11377245508982,4.857599087539207,17.533219275734247,6.42735559955562,-0.1350625035643005,578,16,135,7,21,207,89,167,0.417,0.528,0.055,-0.9966,0,2,0,0,0,3,32.0,0,0,1,1,3,16,3,6,7,0,8,9,0,3,0,23,22,5,3,5,3,0,5,1,0,1,5,1,1,4,5,4,4,2,5,0,0,2,5,14,0,0,4,6,34,2,15,17,1,14,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,10,81,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027197029808072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473617993604562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790469339312786,0.1150463316869718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317075883063069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170708292714057,0.0,0.0,0.1042340393378932,0.08911786418968831,0.0,0.11935169559845935,0.0,0.0,0.20840845879402625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672620906587411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291888954773076,0.2059665081959419,0.07275206229711842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314117848002695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400038612442657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049752201636059284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116664036541224,0.08657780574969044,0.0,0.0,0.06797669783029425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128497450852899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771493054827753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389665339425575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195616697577448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31871324069349105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854422837438782,0.0,0.17027985635592102,0.11665344099850106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314417063319428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601545549788816,0.0,0.08795409508569464,0.0,0.0,0.3003292222988171,0.0,0.0,0.12400950109171993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115881787766315
suicidewatch,r0yal_red,2019/04/16,"I have no right to want it to end. Hi. It's 3:30 AM here and I've spent the last hour trying to find the most painless way to end myself that I can do with what I have around.

I've been on antidepressants for about a year now but this semester I have not been on them for quite some time. I had tried several weeks ago once things were getting worse to get back on them, but three weeks passed and nothing felt better so I stopped taking them again.

My college is extremely expensive, much more so than it should be. I was lucky enough to get granted a scholarship that covers almost half my tuition, and also very fortunate that my family invested money in me getting an education since I was a baby. The only thing my scholarship depends on is that I get a 2.75 GPA and I can continue to get funded to come to school. It's a low bar to set and should have been easy with my academic state that I had in high school.

I came to college with a friend from high school. We roomed together these past two years and we were pretty equally antisocial. This year he's gotten to know more people however, as he has a sibling that shared her friend group with him. He's got a girlfriend and stays with her most nights, as well as eats with her and spends time off from classes with her.

I've never had much desire to be very social. Never really looked good enough to get people's attention at first discussion and the combination of a voice that sounds awful with interests not a lot of people would like lead to me avoiding talking to most people. However now that my friend rarely stops by there are days when I only say 2 or 3 sentences to someone else.

Since my depression has gotten worse, I have felt no reason to be conscious. I've slept for 14 hours because I have no reason to be awake. I missed class and work because I chose to sleep instead. I'm tired of having to wake up from it.

I've missed most of my classes this semester and failed numerous exams, which with the performance of how I did last semester, will have me lose my scholarship. My dad formely made a lot at his job but got laid off at the end of last semester. Since then my parents have been paying what they could to get my college paid for while also saving for my sister who will graduate from high school in a couple years.

For the past month and a half, I've thought about ending it but always hesitating because I'm terrified of the pain that comes with it. I started getting out of bed tonight to go drink as much laundry detergent as it would take to kill me. But I was scared it wouldn't work, so I looked it up and it sounded as though I'd just suffocate. So I spent an hour looking for something less painful but none of it is around.

I've got no friends here to talk to. The only one I have here I can't talk to about ending it. My closest friend, who lives where I went to high school, suffers from the same issue and I know it would burden him and we try to communicate often but I rarely have the energy to talk to him anymore.

I'm alone other than my family. My friends are all carrying on with their own lives. I look and sound so awful that I can't make friends and I'll never find someone who I'll actually mean something to. My family is shelling copious amounts of money into an education that I can't find the will to wake up for and soon they'll have to shell even more of what little they have left. Even if I did make it out of college, the fact that I'm so scared of socializing will put me in some waste of time job that I could die the day after I get hired and it not matter at all. Sure my parents would miss me and mourn me, but it'd be better for them if I wasn't around anymore. My mom is constantly stressed by my failure to attend class and the idea that I'm going to lose my sole reason for coming to this university out of high school. She'd be better off, my friend would be better off if he no longer had to worry about me sitting alone at dinner and sleeping all day, and the world wouldn't care if I died before the sun came up.

I don't know why I decided to post on here. I haven't lost anything, the world hasn't done me wrong, I'm not out of options. There's no reason why anyone else would want to die if they were in my position. I'm pathetic for wanting to end it. But if it all ends soon, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but if it does, I need to have said why without it weighing anyone down.",5.398917552061199,5.128458401104972,5.839930939226522,84.19131162345944,67.75138121546962,9.127284317892054,28.67456438589036,8.674607589308389,1.848923076923077,3483,102,746,49,52,1123,355,905,0.172,0.743,0.085,-0.9982,6,3,3,0,0,3,67.0,3,0,9,14,37,41,1,4,34,2,77,13,5,10,9,144,138,60,5,24,26,5,2,1,9,15,3,6,2,0,50,50,5,3,18,2,14,12,26,20,1,6,36,12,93,21,134,76,27,117,0,11,4,0,54,47,0,21,53,505,143,29,0.0,0.0,0.042875064567645886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03894649170576185,0.0,0.04399542037903646,0.09100860763093012,0.0,0.07027098770560081,0.036558157733345815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714514056640804,0.06144195408774389,0.04501748385285592,0.036155471758624325,0.11733669932647844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033783966730037036,0.0,0.08034868305563403,0.0,0.037386183474537364,0.0,0.0,0.15543080203116316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050184549305596,0.044795540609011836,0.0,0.0,0.11354056715757935,0.0,0.04747905951696968,0.0,0.07015842319388714,0.048614196854039636,0.0,0.08500499094157188,0.0,0.0378418945139095,0.0,0.13679546797950393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038448569883188864,0.044961642163960085,0.0,0.04304041928674203,0.0,0.04495735655835531,0.07340555179758436,0.0,0.2723989370019742,0.0907949827713834,0.0,0.05803844642590141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425646463581386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437063729159353,0.0,0.1204697487426266,0.03737182271387311,0.0,0.0,0.27155791078863617,0.0,0.22954675087350346,0.0,0.049939527011747226,0.03685131745095454,0.10541857003160628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23210325809225904,0.0,0.0,0.12980392486317707,0.0,0.0,0.04959824155577372,0.0,0.04585762618774855,0.08719912943692143,0.0,0.04860852288782756,0.0,0.07243800402399425,0.10744077742036738,0.0,0.0,0.047736443819979116,0.0,0.0,0.021464843427743043,0.04403527719825248,0.0775923441310029,0.0,0.1475802379188293,0.09830598491561343,0.04796118465845636,0.0747053993038871,0.0,0.04157317599624249,0.05865505958251852,0.0,0.08827895974401917,0.04785903516277334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145715185991493,0.035069186759146144,0.0,0.09689374412577444,0.03257788578428334,0.10165813856368654,0.0,0.0,0.04123083122860305,0.0,0.04215764560761445,0.0,0.0,0.04679026029713372,0.029772077910142625,0.1002456111552792,0.0935017121083064,0.0,0.09757115304218117,0.0,0.08388350556367179,0.12183838174829932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04207841186185998,0.04469856800737306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04416767758900407,0.0,0.04673119858621396,0.0,0.0,0.028146438948194446,0.1806935391252266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03752098703160429,0.041793067025841714,0.034939561798829934,0.08797492728609899,0.2667926345262994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963501946428919,0.0,0.10903259994751577,0.0,0.08793518612308257,0.08957415892704876,0.07445342846600489,0.06764794786312624,0.0,0.0,0.031098030043535483,0.046829784219092126,0.0,0.07346469774976425,0.05032838274488502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140903101843861,0.0,0.06606860234114892,0.14125593001685074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837807035784628,0.0,0.0431667624277254,0.034880167623149806,0.07685806530102351,0.05049781141453807,0.04164606093947668,0.0,0.0,0.08948870107085649,0.0,0.042918954124599486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250337679761383,0.07774353119779509,0.03487424308796837,0.07048539842749699,0.0,0.03950361741791978,0.040728985274444136,0.11893584800221885,0.0,0.0,0.042352604179882465,0.0,0.06397166323049519,0.04461900168235354,0.08954879610295044,0.18726465941682555,0.048036969139785946,0.0,0.11317302138731627
suicidewatch,velvetamas,2019/04/16,Ive never felt worse about myself in my entire life I don't know who I am. I thought I did but he keeps pointing shit out that I didn't know. I am a shit human being. I don't know how to treat people right. I try so hard but I always do the same things and I don't know what to do anymore. It's just who I am. I am a bad person.,-2.993647871116228,-1.3878569240506309,0.5045799769850419,104.23659378596088,99.25316455696202,2.872727272727273,10.979286536248562,3.1291,-2.0377443037974685,249,3,69,0,11,89,48,79,0.224,0.705,0.071,-0.9263,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,0,13,3,2,1,1,15,20,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,2,15,1,5,15,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839306249742665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21922138807926728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845668314009384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224187717157852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801664607883146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647866706851386,0.0,0.0,0.4859313918096722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613357246925788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048675424805293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324766816940344,0.1930116170124204,0.0,0.0,0.20896292375217615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877479124391106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538076117718118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685525244501518,0.0,0.0,0.17548835685123482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007788262704258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252679983636777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,beppi925,2019/04/16,"Borderline personality disorder I have diagnosed BPD, which, among other things, makes me fear rejection and be highly insecure in relationships, today, my boyfriend broke up with me. We'd been together 6 months, I was relatively happy and just feel like a giant bomb was dropped on me and I've been kicked in the gut. The rational side of my brain thinks I should be able to cope with this, but I just feel like this is just a cycle of me letting down my guard and being left alone that won't stop. I feel like I won't ever be happy and feel safe and secure in any sort of relationship. The only real friend I have is my sister and I barely know anyone else here.

The thing with bpd is, suicidal thoughts are an actual symptom. This would not be my first attempt, but the thoughts won't leave my brain. I feel so lost and don't know what to even grasp to to live for at this point.",5.995909090909091,5.770238590909095,6.3592272727272725,80.81759090909091,66.5,9.994545454545458,28.395454545454548,9.642632912329526,2.203117727272727,696,19,145,13,10,225,108,176,0.128,0.715,0.157,0.7558,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,7,13,0,2,8,0,23,5,3,1,1,37,35,11,1,2,6,1,5,3,1,5,2,0,0,1,10,11,0,4,11,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,5,20,8,19,16,0,19,0,3,0,0,6,13,0,1,8,98,30,0,0.12230930698836467,0.0,0.11935624029099955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667555548293613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317452291693797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552151127930041,0.12532033885477326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080885810231529,0.2730752734308721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414137200250405,0.0,0.0,0.1401770621900845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021737316012974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078414373926789,0.11063577051095014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376319743733445,0.3092163029839929,0.2621333800531285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403623404256457,0.0,0.0,0.09449586717785644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604010632428724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922649808013864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443599291218464,0.0,0.0,0.12950789603090154,0.13288941991506056,0.12506955310468235,0.0,0.179262447938353,0.0,0.10800135888110696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133515056792602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164241216206719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762612193925872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302173943310724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679576917234497,0.0,0.0,0.11562182896576464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139214768267774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26262884545031456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225605729050403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337865302414521,0.0,0.0,0.12712620135813607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251373761461266,0.0783708652847838,0.0,0.19419985533319026,0.0,0.0,0.11593492177308022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688502245908124,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,IComitUninstallLife,2019/04/16,Any ideas how to deal with my deprresion Any thing is helpfull,4.587500000000002,6.7229560833333375,3.84,88.905,71.5,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.1805666666666674,51,2,10,1,1,15,11,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321872972035878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792091754413076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247253832649731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088058606709267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,82919,2019/04/16,"My freedom I am going to do it. I’m only 20 byway spare me the too young crap .
No life is ahead. So many posts on this site describe decades of suffering. I can’t do that I wont . That’s not a life to live. I see in front of me a half life worse than death .
 I  know my family will hurt. I just can’t care anymore, Call me a terrible person I don’t care. Is it any better to have them watch me suffer for decades. 
     It’s my own body. I will not listen to anyone who calls me selfish. Is t it selfish for everyone else to expect to exist in an agonizing life for decades so they won’t be sad for a few years? Why can’t I think of myself once in my damn life? It’s all about them feeling good. 
I’m having none of this I’m done.",-1.1612011624152387,0.6985781042944801,1.6551759767516965,98.47583467872136,90.04294478527606,4.658572812399097,16.55440749112044,6.05967700443912,-0.6212134969325152,553,13,140,5,19,192,96,163,0.232,0.667,0.101,-0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,2,5,13,2,0,6,0,18,7,2,0,1,8,29,2,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,10,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,1,4,22,4,21,23,4,11,0,4,2,0,8,5,2,0,3,89,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814363027210774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771178529715285,0.11119518780211883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064622031232474,0.0,0.1766428480215333,0.0,0.0,0.32476814501007073,0.0,0.324276701460581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273955861408654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284642780394146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195685631738926,0.0,0.0,0.14991624887749402,0.0,0.08040869336251802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037855594387596,0.13338407690818455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024140449932773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739693239525835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5616264150750959,0.0,0.0,0.1404235168909536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612281449019113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693582783392511,0.0,0.12094699486967175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388560074763891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230364915518696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672371526838053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018979079438384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349688961307575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206182482251924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240800080450316
suicidewatch,Rich0,2019/04/16,"Just bought everything necessary for helium bag suicide I'm 27, male without any family. I've lied to friends for years about my social circles and no one knows I'm all alone and in so much debt. After so many lies I just can't live with myself. I tell everyone I'm living a happy life but the truth is I'm alone so fucking alone. I've never felt love, be it family or friends. I'm incapable to feel any affection for a human bring but yet I have this feeling of being alone. 

Well this is the last time I'm writing something or communication with others. 

Bye",1.3401417004048568,3.7772578859649135,3.356315789473687,86.61844129554657,84.17543859649123,6.665587044534414,21.92712550607288,7.882392219407189,1.2725311740890688,445,15,89,9,13,150,78,114,0.208,0.632,0.159,-0.5176,1,4,1,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,3,20,20,9,1,0,7,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,1,1,1,2,3,5,6,12,16,2,8,0,0,0,2,9,1,1,2,7,49,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6195439270277443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339468952855816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289892772530058,0.13440353984959189,0.0,0.2819599158914905,0.0,0.15123129472087427,0.0,0.14358893437158354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310798654723387,0.13825414054250593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919596396147356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218732756406616,0.12190107232469755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562973523064613,0.0,0.0,0.2641061479874351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497234673560152,0.0,0.0,0.15161756819646707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993452945964714,0.0,0.11534015667962676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133717317721593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244471821534206,0.0,0.11512887727183932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635805582482142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071099933050032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720227833366656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446105211361253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441583351097131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630360787992016
suicidewatch,saint-frankie,2019/04/16,"Living after cancer isn’t life I’ve started making arrangements to ensure my family won’t be left with a shit storm after I’m gone. I’ve been living with severe chronic pain that has only gotten worse since remission from cancer.

I’ve been seeing a psychologist that specializes in chronic pain and her only answer is drugs. My oncologist only offers drugs. 

I can’t sit down anymore. I can’t stand. I can’t have sex ever again. I can barely drive. 

I have plans for each of my dogs, and all of my possessions. A few things to wrap up. A painting to finish for a friend. Some goodbyes to make. Since being diagnosed most of my friends have disappeared so it won’t be too hard. 

I can see the relief and I’m so at peace when I think about it. No more pain. No more struggle. Just nothing.",1.3315789473684203,3.8758147961783465,3.115434126718071,87.44407308079114,85.75159235668791,5.598256788467985,19.09118337244385,7.0608816371341465,0.5416955414012743,621,17,119,9,19,206,97,157,0.225,0.6809999999999999,0.094,-0.965,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,1,6,0,18,13,1,2,2,15,28,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,11,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,4,3,13,4,19,19,7,17,0,0,2,1,4,5,1,2,7,80,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457815237309339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919885971721633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409397007510168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329672013278251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385756882544245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271390335631433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168043794624254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597126695152801,0.0,0.1038283276077625,0.0,0.0,0.2596020864445736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962432765588851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104758506651094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353935250220612,0.4692455129685445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23427515286649964,0.0,0.0,0.16606476783188207,0.15089030706454035,0.24319487318716865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040452324779313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367317981963993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976582743905634,0.09418974147720442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498025002806753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cultleadership,2019/04/16,"No more failed attempts, i feel like it’s time I do it properly This year has been the worst year of my life when the end of last year was looking positive I was losing weight (to be fair through disordered eating) I had just moved into a new apartment with my boyfriend, i had plans to study and find better work.

But then my boyfriend and I broke up (which is fine the relationship was toxic and emotionally abusive) so I had to start paying rent on my own which I thought I was ready to mange but not even 2 full weeks after that, my great grandmother passed (it’s been less than a week since that’s happened) and I know some people aren’t close with their grandparents let alone their great grandparents but I loved her more than I love my own mother, I thought I could move past it but works been on my case about being late (late because I cannot bring myself to get to work due to the fact I’m still in mourning). So I get a formal warning, my finances are catching up to me so much so I can’t afford the bus...so what happens on my way to work this morning...of course a $200 fine for not paying bus fair. On top of all that I’ve gained all the weight I lost back, I’m always just generally depressed and I have no one I relate to 

So here I am on my break thinking about how I’m ready, how I’m going to do it, and making sure I don’t alert anyone, I can’t afford to be admitted to a psych ward since the time off work would financially ruin me, I have nothing for me in this life anymore, no one I care about, nothing to do, no purpose. I have dreams of gassing myself in the oven. 

I’m gonna make the preparations and do it, properly. I don’t want to do it I want things to get better but I’m not emotionally strong enough to wait for that to happen, I can’t do it anymore I’m at the end of my rope",3.28736894958827,3.8524609634464784,4.296514360313317,90.49580186784495,72.52480417754569,7.354448684474794,24.91353685479012,7.321109707123232,0.8326582446274351,1411,39,326,14,26,459,183,383,0.102,0.727,0.171,0.9782,6,1,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,0,2,15,17,20,0,0,15,0,36,7,0,4,4,43,69,21,1,4,10,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,19,11,3,1,7,1,4,6,14,8,0,2,13,4,48,12,48,49,12,46,0,7,1,2,8,17,0,1,22,214,67,10,0.0,0.11218770394193817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806638242711237,0.0,0.0,0.07878653174538948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780660212068545,0.06620681629448408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280786922239815,0.0,0.05771984932826455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748455854587233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653892594879382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559925306534007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815531144969692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851862725870333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688765570489503,0.0,0.2130185373958712,0.1677277977115259,0.09783619082526736,0.0,0.06253936447153786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787620485344681,0.06764386440409037,0.0,0.0,0.08654150238185784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840894751857447,0.0,0.053812368759926926,0.0,0.0,0.2087838142520708,0.0,0.0,0.25119217174575004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052037077882286335,0.0771819182166467,0.21362039212058356,0.0,0.0,0.09682308933236924,0.13375937439011368,0.04625891108804837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951258912301759,0.10592967591267784,0.1033612094242182,0.0,0.17091604575073904,0.0,0.12640759273300695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127296363864888,0.06960527664054801,0.0,0.0,0.09144855470994437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170799022214373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832368515408707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038872421050106,0.06564351246468528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101657579854824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665086225450628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701940368864012,0.0,0.07561654868889632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924065486768852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290532645314041,0.06067111540865985,0.0,0.15034058629377728,0.1104246088455566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169678795797798,0.07515752517366214,0.15190317086818309,0.23060464849528955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34466352986638193,0.0,0.0,0.06726238386859304,0.0,0.0,0.1829244906285393
suicidewatch,tnahpelerorrim,2019/04/16,"Why do people want to live so long, anyway? Everyone wants to live to be as old as possible. But what do you think about actually being alive over 80? Or 90? Or 100?
I volunteer at a nursing home, and I have seen many others over the years. There is zero quality of life. Many residents sleep as much as possible. Many receive zero visitors, and hide out when it isn't meal time. From what they tell me... Sadly, many are waiting, hoping, and praying for death.
I can't blame them. 
My parents ditched their parents at nursing homes where they all died. None of my grandparents went to nursing homes willingly. I doubt anyone does. 
I can't help but wonder why society is so obsessed with life, even if it would be worse to live.
I am less attached to being alive as each day passes. Why wait until I'm old and have nothing and no one? It seems like dying young is a blessing.",1.7998245614035109,4.2935840701754415,3.101286549707602,88.85789473684211,82.56725146198829,6.173099415204677,23.035087719298247,7.475848149327749,1.1324315789473682,680,24,134,11,19,220,114,171,0.101,0.777,0.122,0.6084,3,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,4,0,8,6,0,2,3,0,18,4,1,0,1,24,29,19,3,5,5,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,6,8,1,2,3,0,0,3,5,3,0,3,2,1,14,3,23,21,5,18,2,1,1,0,10,6,0,7,10,90,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.1104009713253334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791048535998264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296108404022847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348272854339865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990029870270368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472292956577876,0.0,0.0,0.10810292342748197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758303100210041,0.0,0.34044327549773484,0.11236606967541764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981761880333542,0.055270810380476224,0.0,0.299694131514025,0.10011867602418094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4587942716130478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316538275961023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855365632223367,0.0,0.2374269930150869,0.0,0.07666148967466657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25124043958450903,0.0,0.0,0.07843181010547902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550797232884849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299155187914866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321417308124808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888276543906448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249071879234982,0.0,0.0,0.06596845314002513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334569241282614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048749332680182,0.3062533730795995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268733798510065,0.0,0.0,0.11529165227473825,0.08036606087557288,0.0,0.0,0.07285360159207144
suicidewatch,zuko0725,2019/04/16,i can’t stop thinking of ways to kill myself so i made an account to post here. i don’t even know how to use reddit. i’ve been looking into methods of suicide and just keep finding myself back here. i guess it seems inviting because it’s anonymous for the most part? i feel like when i post on twitter about wanting to die it seems too much like attention seeking. but the honest truth is i keep thinking about dying and ways to die and maybe this IS a cry for help because i don’t know what to do anymore. i self harmed for the first time since i was in high school and i don’t even know what i was trying to accomplish because i know that’s not the method i would use to kill myself. i physically feel like bashing my head because i want my brain to stop making me feel this way and think these things.,4.126597713663582,4.678267898203593,4.533304300489932,89.60150244964619,70.61676646706587,6.7912901469787705,27.75666848121938,6.11248444174946,0.959388023952096,637,21,137,3,11,201,95,167,0.179,0.684,0.138,-0.8883,0,0,2,0,0,3,8.0,0,0,0,2,12,8,2,0,6,0,11,2,2,5,1,38,33,9,6,3,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,4,14,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,4,4,22,5,19,28,3,15,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,4,9,89,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073209306666912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858560632020772,0.0,0.2722562319083688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464428435748515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264814636619567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476418396470857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749459601090187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936888197691993,0.15953319220949538,0.0,0.0,0.10205095654432017,0.09497397385388663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300094344651588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459058982463888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748402197754014,0.11796999538517587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984887901501558,0.2470601777799207,0.0,0.2454514159103327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364747532590682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376236318980877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565098096284327,0.07453080543915146,0.0,0.11217279497936312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207952099510869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209118508175622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138698997144628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130011635143154,0.0,0.20329365330328045,0.11648086913700165,0.0,0.0,0.0923624497875381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866977250932884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213281787915695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417884552026764,0.21463269731827125,0.0,0.0,0.06510712576376429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580664556460767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286872583231396,0.0,0.0,0.13171442302611724,0.2658804316211153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931674889295831,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,corac1996,2019/04/16,"I failed force classes in first year college. My GPA is at 1.3 I don’t need a advice I know i’m fucked up. 

This is the first semester of my second year in college and I managed to failed five classes in year one. I have a depressing part time job when I was at my first year college. That really messed up my mind.  
My grandfather passed away couple months ago and my depression has gotten worse.

I have quit that shitty job couple months ago. I have 2 final exams coming up tomorrow and I really think I’m going to fail again.  

I’m in panic of been kicked out of college. I really wanna do well. I’m so desperate right now. I need help.",0.3281320161652417,2.7120359847328217,2.548118545127977,90.51887292321513,89.91603053435114,5.8304445442299055,17.629546475078573,7.285733465282438,0.4588433767400098,498,13,103,9,17,168,75,131,0.257,0.706,0.036000000000000004,-0.9849,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,7,5,9,1,1,3,0,10,1,0,0,0,11,22,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,8,1,6,3,0,17,1,17,19,1,32,0,5,0,1,1,12,1,0,17,65,20,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719818532909653,0.2489139452318976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191131609596135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094298817540293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31070196578011405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24185426840674815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153802380142818,0.0,0.35827493407478017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979841770883974,0.0,0.0,0.07979309654783295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410779858288762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786525612231192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716069140261379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176493768102438,0.0,0.22413340072430374,0.0,0.0,0.20821105374891674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513931866254173,0.0,0.0,0.1647302660660404,0.0,0.15204054901457256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933369471875846,0.0,0.0,0.26983333501849144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990164584772835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996326088274738,0.0,0.0,0.08186892417038204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623731730079302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308056485004614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36165443938000746
suicidewatch,fficiallyjawshh,2019/04/16,"Kind of a morbid question but..  If someone you love committed suicide how would you ""prefer"" to find out ? I understand that there is no ""preferred"" way to go about this and that at the end of the day it will hurt everyone, I'm just asking you, the strangers of the internet who may or may not have gone through this experience, how you would want to find out ? 

Kind of hesitant to post this but let's see :/",3.782291666666669,5.132063312500005,4.359999999999999,87.55166666666668,72.125,8.333333333333334,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.012458333333334,315,12,67,6,6,100,57,80,0.134,0.804,0.062,-0.7359,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,4,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,8,1,0,2,1,23,16,7,1,6,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,13,9,0,9,0,1,1,1,8,3,0,5,2,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918128335651496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232221556772092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817259558013232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605545237492752,0.0,0.20070251344553236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750561910763081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166068389409132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964626263618772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4273206229432509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980742241454456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851802873442329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965028861291032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298452394104587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349953483955249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384583838152948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443037787342754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359653240280932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101873290265246,0.16285998247393918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915037618038339,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreatTS,2019/04/16,"Having a future that isn't yours *sorry for mistakes English isn't my first language *

lately I start to see my self in the future (I'm not used to that, I didn't think I will make it that long )


but I just see myself in other people life's. I mean I don't see myself in my future. 



I see myself in my friends or family weedings or with their children in the future but I've never see myself with my kids or like in my wedding. I DO BELIEVE THIS THING ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME. 

I start to become comfortable with being alone forever it still hurts but it's okay. 


I think this kind of thinking is the way my brain trying to survive. 

I'm more comfortable. causes I stopped fighting to get someone to love me or giving to much attention to be loved or thinking I will never be like others . 


I do still think I may give up or die young . 

some people are meant to be visitors in this life.",1.190187969924814,3.3698499505494546,3.1227125506072886,89.7354453441296,82.46153846153847,5.3700404858299615,20.56795835743204,6.5966054737557815,0.3627538461538462,689,20,141,7,19,231,94,182,0.099,0.7190000000000001,0.182,0.9607,0,1,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,1,1,2,3,12,1,0,4,1,17,5,1,3,2,31,40,9,1,1,11,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,3,12,3,0,1,8,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,5,29,9,23,31,3,24,0,1,5,2,12,8,0,8,17,104,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671662198994582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512481165976822,0.0,0.13784537838198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365819003762022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568608245451413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697890201179407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533970883952804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406996118682917,0.0,0.0,0.09452650146382466,0.0,0.0639222807965966,0.23473653817453266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097709003798688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740761220925415,0.0,0.0,0.13801495378809936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283737467119667,0.1195470416045476,0.0,0.0,0.108274977747412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084942286425094,0.0,0.08166887953123371,0.0,0.0,0.13327388310605434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994056179365525,0.0,0.18872611799264885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696427246362891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874813948307279,0.0,0.12763664652745085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036658750899933,0.0,0.0,0.13695964164272886,0.17319844442140006,0.0,0.19541607183311607,0.1022892073254693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128321118851584,0.3919813603128293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306691129666345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567021678171414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711490799825576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dreamingofstanford,2019/04/16,"same cycle just finished up my third inpatient admission where i swore up and down ‘third time’s the charm’. i wanted to live and i was going to turn my life around—two weeks later, i’ve chosen a date and an overpass. i’m a shell of myself
it feels as if nothing gets better",1.1684210526315797,3.3662861052631605,2.8132456140350897,91.81355263157896,82.6842105263158,5.203508771929825,18.271929824561404,6.42735559955562,-0.05151228070175451,216,5,45,2,6,71,46,57,0.049,0.951,0.0,-0.3412,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,7,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,6,2,7,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31289860187224033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31086233626773585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772275870194815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836378332395103,0.0,0.1997585785585136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482661803669079,0.0,0.0,0.3103701075700252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372619592480193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049553235546716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823177209862595,0.34335244172942725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731657150774796,0.0,0.2819422577970202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LonelyApple101,2019/04/16,"Catalina I'm sorry Catalina. I miss you so much. I love you mi cielo. It's been two years, I can't live like this anymore. TE AMO CATALINA PERDONAME DIOS",-0.567499999999999,1.62562475,1.2872500000000002,97.23275,98.375,3.8100000000000014,22.025,5.6839178017228535,0.16945500000000058,120,5,26,1,5,39,26,32,0.159,0.6990000000000001,0.142,0.3545,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055850454537623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980045796506285,0.0,0.36112506350546497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691083881068505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006375598227061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578047060916506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995010128232814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633611279135851
suicidewatch,nataston_,2019/04/16,"oblivion yall ever live in the happy memories that still linger in your head to avoid the suicidal thoughts? I find myself in them too much and I'm starting to think if I'm really even living when the good memories are so long ago but still seem to be like yesterday. I feel like someday I'll relapse and I'll be so fed up that not even the great memories will help me. goodnight all, take care. 21.",2.635313588850174,4.404096085365853,3.800522648083625,88.67914634146345,75.95121951219512,7.612543554006969,25.12891986062717,8.418075326091056,1.5675310104529618,317,11,67,6,7,103,58,82,0.094,0.706,0.2,0.8708,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,9,7,0,1,4,0,4,2,1,0,2,13,14,7,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,6,7,9,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,10,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846923015813622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124296986276632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27523029112839154,0.18846715405699907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534950195995052,0.14884737517168303,0.0,0.0,0.19043080383465727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747565528557041,0.0,0.2297098414137451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179556881173168,0.0,0.0,0.21383021650283587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965457741498566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20358143504704612,0.0,0.3679589096475128,0.184385786997732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316337730429744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334762224524644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967668272768615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747327658622456,0.0,0.3327818388567222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279042889051108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665547388502418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350414493426233,0.0,0.16540895355948554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TauhitiMujahadeen,2019/04/16,"Suicide I recently got rejected by a girl. Fucking retarded I know, all the popular kids are making fun of me and talking behind my back with my Chad cousin. I wanna die because I feel like everyone is talking behind my back. Please fucking help me no matter how retarded my situation is.",5.38111111111111,7.051355444444442,7.1564814814814826,67.7991666666667,68.62962962962962,10.585185185185184,37.574074074074076,10.686352973137794,4.8329407407407405,230,13,36,7,4,80,41,54,0.299,0.499,0.202,-0.8795,0,1,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,9,9,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,10,3,6,8,1,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,0,4,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603776920632679,0.0,0.14284819971603066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24320232251540105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391675651898585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848661685957995,0.1674086880754879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332771311637613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741878986649216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706954564575454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878417009878532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144840509227698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642016795342667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572290260702376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313771513278138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634019133758805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25632402296899826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766985568664997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Snaacky,2019/04/16,"Tonight's the night Been through every SSRI on the market and don't have any energy left to go through all the hoops and ladders and spending hundreds or thousands that I simply don't have on clinical trial treatments so I've decided it's time and I've finally found my definitive answer. 

Despite alerting my family and friends, my mom only slightly cried and my ""friends"" got genuinely angry at them like I was offending them which just goes to show I truly never had any friends or family which makes this much easier seeing as they had nothing to say other than telling me to fuck off. No one really seems to mind which means I have nothing left to be here for. 

Got enough drugs and alcohol to make sure this is definitive. No matter how much I gotta suffer to get there. I'm ready for whatever is next, nothingness or not.

Love you all. Thanks for being an awesome community throughout all my years of dealing with this shit even if I was just a lurker. See you on the other side.

Godspeed.",4.9785491071428565,6.449296661458334,5.614821428571428,79.23375000000003,69.36458333333334,8.81904761904762,30.380952380952376,9.23628265651192,2.7226639880952392,797,32,145,16,14,258,127,192,0.139,0.7340000000000001,0.128,-0.5329,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,3,0,7,11,3,0,6,0,14,6,1,3,5,30,30,14,0,1,7,1,0,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,10,8,1,0,5,1,1,1,7,4,0,2,8,3,17,7,22,19,6,16,0,1,2,2,13,8,2,5,8,100,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610629315214158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594118560236286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017453077248927,0.0,0.14094671409443466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854549218098438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412626924492366,0.0,0.09029868124252396,0.0,0.11518791803200895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25776465046716474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976412414172613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499004647001795,0.316876002915958,0.126390412977325,0.0714277178795508,0.0,0.07769803826147367,0.0,0.21868625456701848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29708155125449665,0.0,0.0,0.06679183106932557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339023321465414,0.0,0.18251606838805315,0.0,0.0,0.14892224126831102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804273838993916,0.1601184469807917,0.0,0.0,0.2010018727012493,0.0,0.10544270123414826,0.0,0.14539749158823587,0.12829735858726873,0.0,0.2623626259546725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264132790211238,0.1039775877900689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758285154789781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087209099455839,0.0,0.0,0.21788761669688755,0.12445980595047873,0.0,0.0,0.14033553702423185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885186019821004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194945563383077,0.12586840389230985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797193626744742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803969793155865
suicidewatch,workingthroughpain,2019/04/16,"I kind of beggining to feel like I should kill myself I am a 30 year old virgin. The culture I was brought up in and my mom especially made sex and relationships heavily taboo. I actually don't even know how to act around people and especially women. 

I don't get any of the informal signals nothing. I just wing it, and come across as creepy and desperate. I used to think it was me being fat and ugly holding me back. I have lost over 40 pounds from 200 to 150s and have muscle and am in great shape. 

Also to mention I'm a brown dude in a white city but even the brown girls seem to spurn my looks and advances. I have no friends, the only person I talk to regularly apart from fake interactions with coworkers is my brother.

I am beggining to feel like the Rheseus monkeys that are socially dysfunctional from Harlow's experiments. I act on the wrong cues, based on the fact that I already have a stereotypical disadvantage to begin with being a different color, then add to that social ackwardness and its a recipe for disaster. Just like the monkeys I fight when I shouldn't, I approach when I should act indifferent, and these are picked up by people and I get socially excluded. Then begins a vicious cycle where this long term loneliness creates further stress and inconfidence and makes the small chance of getting somewhere seem all the more unlikely.

At this point the suffering that I feel is genuine and real. I feel a natural urge to connect with people and to try to meet women. However instead of a simple no or lack of interest, most people begin to dislike me as they take my social ackwardness as a sign of malice.

At this point in my life I feel these problems are too ingrained to change and I really want to look for some long term solution.",7.149248120300754,7.165481380952388,7.5669611528822065,72.3087406015038,64.05952380952381,11.002255639097747,34.6484962406015,10.65788864234165,3.7105500000000013,1408,57,254,33,19,463,187,336,0.17800000000000002,0.733,0.08800000000000001,-0.987,3,0,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,0,1,2,13,16,3,1,21,0,21,4,1,5,2,56,47,28,1,6,4,2,5,3,1,3,2,0,0,4,12,23,1,2,10,0,0,7,5,9,0,0,5,11,33,7,47,37,7,41,0,2,6,2,20,20,0,5,17,174,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.10739333364552273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144337356505512,0.08800728003990932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483805847644039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796820464842634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462197894031805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641875077437434,0.09479869114301913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497926445898632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453745272255074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765042646628452,0.0,0.0,0.2782239915904851,0.15724008215539764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502468046255805,0.0,0.17249040475432714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213309750814877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175448291797443,0.1146005760166112,0.06048083202681979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773186527499844,0.16129522708339208,0.0,0.0,0.19478231485352174,0.18482926953143794,0.0,0.12013303205488175,0.0,0.0,0.10413236704108933,0.07345950900907633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288897202573611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559634477762904,0.0,0.11547940190754212,0.0,0.0,0.08369830245046585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051804146272823,0.09609178072879312,0.0,0.0,0.2080664341395523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530338802109906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526146953451406,0.07050111619371839,0.0,0.0,0.11815296441819514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003715358813972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487301713793223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606238275008086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827442188865017,0.08845435788075587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051586463428318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471701036892152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504822750382744,0.0,0.0,0.0649105882319478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032285679732012,0.0,0.07086886147042408
suicidewatch,meowing_melo,2019/04/16,"Debating suicide... 16 y/o I have no friends my parents are bound to die of a drug overdose or get caught and go to prison any time now I’m a 16 year old with extreme anxiety because I have no self esteem the few times anyone has try to talk to me I get scared and try to ignore them ... but really I want friends my old friend group all started to hate me out of no where freshmen year because all the girls from our friend group moved so I was the only girl left with a bunch of guys a lot of them developed crushes on me and I rejected them because I just wanted to be friends and they started calling me a slut and one would tell me to kill myself every day every time he saw me during school I finally got the courage to tell my counselor although the principle didn’t believe me because ‘they’re good kids’ and they say they didn’t do it so they must of not so anyways now as a junior they rarely talk to me but every once in awhile I’m the halls they’ll call me a name and that’s my only social interaction all day... I hate myself why can’t I talk to people why am I so ugly ... in class everyone just talks all day with their friends and I’m all alone I feel like I’m the only one alone no one else works alone I stand out as an obvious outcast I even hide in the bathroom during lunch so no one has to see me sitting alone.. I’ve tried in the past sitting with new people they always leave me out and just act as if wtf are you doing here so I’ve gave up ... I made a mistake recently and had sex with a quite popular guy from my school he said he really liked me and I believed him idk why I got pressured into it thinking he was going to be my boyfriend and he said he could help me make new friends and stuff but then the day after we did it he texted me saying sorry I don’t like you I was extremely hurt but I asked him please don’t tell anyone he said he promised he won’t moments later his friend adds me to a group chat with over 40 people in it from my school on Facebook he addressed me as slut and ugly saying  and his friends said ew you fucked her ... it hurt so much before I could say anything I got kicked out I messaged the guy saying wtf did I do to deserve this he ignored me andthen in class he’ll randomly say dumb stuff to me like I eat ass and he’ll sing you a stupid hoe you a stupid hoe and look right at me it just makes me even more uncomfortable than I already am 
Then I go him my dad is never home he hides in the garage doing meth all day my mom lives with her friend in her basement doing meth all day I want to spend time with her do badly but most of the time she doesn’t want me over I have no one not even my family
My little brother just constantly teases me calling me names saying I’m stupid and making fun of everything I do basically i know he’s just being annoying little brother but it just adds on to the negativity thrown at me on a daily basis 
One thing that makes me happy is drawing and painting and anime, animation In general  and video games also other Japanese pop culture  ... but I have no one to share these interests with and I don’t have the motivation to keep drawing and improving my skills because of all the depression of not having anyone ........ please advice",1.6227873015873016,3.5285345125925933,3.1681269841269852,91.43200000000002,79.42962962962962,6.004232804232804,22.26984126984127,7.005009785671833,0.5723841269841272,2536,78,552,29,63,834,288,675,0.209,0.6579999999999999,0.133,-0.9964,1,5,3,0,0,2,33.0,2,5,11,4,23,44,10,2,30,0,43,8,1,6,11,97,86,47,3,10,19,5,1,4,10,6,1,11,2,7,15,40,2,4,4,4,1,6,20,22,0,7,19,15,100,22,70,56,14,69,0,4,3,5,103,29,3,5,35,348,115,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041213618013776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372242308809292,0.05692970193570411,0.04125567393069978,0.04292614873360588,0.0,0.0,0.035082262929959404,0.0,0.039465414397526016,0.0,0.0,0.10821660430312784,0.0,0.04245331970950917,0.0,0.04822871507208789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307462804041199,0.15724076071487927,0.0,0.04389840659137048,0.1162461870299435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803429327067506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574934014517256,0.0,0.08237917596676551,0.0,0.0,0.1996236741945248,0.0,0.04443349700807907,0.0,0.05354119726530313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059826817012426675,0.052788386886723236,0.043095957642599936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022220677140362,0.0,0.13039777541470715,0.04929546357860407,0.0463648321856369,0.0,0.048633481670255836,0.0,0.026084929045755424,0.036855164455132566,0.0,0.056513185753811264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985750373871968,0.0476931636800354,0.053906206331202806,0.0,0.08795758718868013,0.04327037334504727,0.12378121593181905,0.0,0.0,0.1532435482843494,0.0,0.05491740888643591,0.0,0.10186683811366347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034578993493198755,0.0,0.05174793476372305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045410070261708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045854639414962345,0.05707554243906938,0.0,0.028351944112173382,0.0,0.0,0.05462526144693633,0.05605155769544591,0.0,0.0,0.10081504306027113,0.1034113848036484,0.04555399822183179,0.0,0.04332173470865447,0.0,0.0,0.04385909028994972,0.0,0.04881472280851047,0.1377441297771474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604203682870947,0.0,0.05483090181661593,0.037923822657554604,0.0,0.039788587523070365,0.09964988111517133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826787394518586,0.05494056039281374,0.2447061084589355,0.11770718988986947,0.0,0.0,0.05728343668392466,0.0,0.04924750123332988,0.1072958708943406,0.0,0.0,0.1132583758637111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487121084282013,0.0,0.0,0.06609841958800346,0.0,0.05093787581383757,0.0,0.0,0.044056691305350906,0.1962916648339164,0.28717929010052085,0.05164955030087108,0.1566323499427929,0.041109723127662375,0.0,0.05381853805424522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258844957172085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774961882957114,0.07302986505544441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811403689847272,0.056429950732687376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586101262636627,0.13527307886885126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03427341373764122,0.033056123504488534,0.0,0.0,0.1504096918009086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507655555741854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217140246367244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396530410076967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375573784461193,0.0,0.0,0.03664731814126443,0.0,0.0,0.06644319968388743
suicidewatch,DeathisaDoor,2019/04/16,"I drove a state away to buy a shotgun Since in my current state I couldn't purchase one due to having a restraining order and a psychiatric history. It gives me a lot of relief knowing that I can leave anytime I want by just jumping in my car and driving to a remote location. The only thing that really anchors me right now is my mother. She loves me dearly and I can't imagine the psychological damage I would do to her in the act of taking my own life. 

And yet I feel like her love isn't enough. I can't endure my life for anyone. For a lover, for a parent, for anyone. I am failing to find the drive in me to keep going. To deal with the day to day reality of just being alive. My mood goes up and down but one of these days I think I'm going to dip too low and simply drive away and blow my brains out due to the negative momentum. 

There's always the chance I could survive a gunshot or the gun itself would jam or something... but I really do feel like I have a grip on Death's Door. 

​

Thanks for reading.",2.4806213753106867,3.8665074460093933,4.254217067108534,86.87821043910525,75.47887323943661,6.889698978182823,23.327533830433573,7.5105763829236425,0.9343777409555384,798,23,169,10,17,270,124,213,0.073,0.8029999999999999,0.124,0.8201,2,0,1,3,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,0,18,0,15,6,1,0,0,29,30,11,1,5,6,2,3,2,1,2,2,0,1,0,6,9,0,2,6,1,2,9,5,3,0,2,1,3,27,8,31,24,3,32,0,3,0,3,10,12,0,3,10,120,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235491201693648,0.15932539995111628,0.1786782414634434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563741043486464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763110579534748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415312136710555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740509135810638,0.0,0.0,0.2844995161823935,0.15159903528580862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193889431740742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870279736336053,0.2101008610048988,0.0,0.0,0.13439832513461747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106091412596913,0.16714043629491546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070216026143766,0.0,0.0,0.08081320429843909,0.0,0.0,0.15570157713705068,0.0,0.0,0.20772733768548654,0.14367950640265784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501412989254404,0.2654313786485232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928575175078947,0.11183589558362272,0.0,0.0,0.16327832946267182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708682705980378,0.0,0.188404190726228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125577363622267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163882610335228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320399087519335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056106937193587,0.0,0.0,0.13538115255566738,0.0,0.0,0.09769151545398584,0.09422180191642192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673215053645618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891598799874106,0.0,0.1786782414634434,0.0
suicidewatch,ZinogreBasher,2019/04/16,"Seeking help finally Ive been hating my life situation for years even though its probably better than most people. I have a job, college degree, good pay, at least one reliable friend, hobbies. I still want to die daily. I dont think ive gone a month without thinking about suicide since it started when i was 8. I had anxiety attacks in elementary that seemed to go undiagnosed and passed off as tantrums. Finally at 24 i went to the doctor and got prescribed venlafaxine. Hopefully this is the start to enjoying what should br a good life",5.9766619519094775,7.356270485148518,6.510410183875532,74.0850495049505,66.92079207920793,10.127864214992927,35.220650636492216,10.290406445055957,3.913397736916549,433,21,75,11,7,141,82,101,0.136,0.642,0.222,0.8717,1,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,5,0,9,3,0,0,0,10,21,5,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,1,4,2,3,0,1,6,0,9,6,13,14,2,16,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,8,48,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280815848038465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904729601565116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807602434159145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376331916751098,0.0,0.0,0.17136914821721785,0.0,0.0,0.19622379160310546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058428951536713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668173008778064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935407680656388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515291075853052,0.2808604991328911,0.13390707236974533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530000082012047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222312891280398,0.0,0.0,0.16629329247258345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614596649225738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365179996301773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336390389633578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345321199431617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607315246230328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805151706003441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241971449492953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849776417433934,0.18819553312599552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370121028020609,0.0,0.13370782359279293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313851838582645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21456157248367733,0.16449667583170555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875308169387503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520697663768668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139414235828686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781782536514063
suicidewatch,Gayische,2019/04/16,"I can never stop crying Yesterday my boyfriend snapped at me; he reeled it in pretty quickly and admitted he was in the wrong and he's just been stressed living with his mother, who is prone to random outbursts of rage and has physically abused him in the past. But what happened during this argument about my poor ways of handling conflict (with others), I told him I pick my battles... he asked me what battles I pick.

I guess I don't pick any. I'm nonconfrontational to a fault. 

But today my class had a group quiz and this girl in my group said I was being disrespectful of the professor's textbook choices because I was using an answer from an educational website, but she has used websites for similar assignments and in this case, she was misreading the textbook. I have really bad social anxiety and I regretted voicing my opinion immediately. Eyes were on me and she was arguing with me. Another person finally understood the point I was making and mediated, but we kept the incorrect answer on the quiz. I had to go to the bathroom because I was about to cry from the stress of the argument and I just needed to let that anxiety attack out.

I went to eat after class and ran into someone I used to run track with. We talked about classes and she mentioned finding out one of her professors is a trans man. She talked about her friend joining her to try and find his given name and old pictures of him, she talked about his height and it making sense when she found out because ""his face is a little round,"" and wondering if he has a scar on his arm from phalloplasty surgery and that's why he wears long sleeves... I guess she doesn't know I'm a trans man, too, and I just sat there trying to change the subject and act like I don't know anything about this. The conversation made me really dysphoric and anxious.

Going to the gym helped a little but now I'm in bed and I just want to take all my sleeping pills and see what happens. I feel too anxious to exist in the day by day. I feel too weak of a person. I feel like I won't ever accomplish anything. I'm lazy and don't do my homework and don't talk to people well enough. I'm weak. I'm weak.",4.787996600291404,5.7458498427230085,5.623003075926828,80.912323943662,69.35211267605635,8.692763477416221,29.947871134855102,8.939507131559953,2.3589741945928453,1707,65,334,30,29,559,209,426,0.16899999999999998,0.785,0.046,-0.9949,0,0,0,0,1,0,40.0,2,0,0,1,19,18,5,2,24,0,28,10,5,9,3,79,67,30,0,4,10,1,4,2,1,1,4,2,2,5,13,33,1,3,13,1,1,6,7,14,1,1,21,8,58,4,52,43,2,41,0,1,3,0,51,19,0,6,17,221,71,12,0.0,0.11386374435761658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535184567952257,0.10077007760907514,0.14703371196633996,0.21713312073105973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816555527095175,0.0,0.08984128392758728,0.109328544005444,0.0,0.0,0.08024016153176633,0.1757464839018824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166191359981402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112445267561453,0.12395414339895293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833511938438866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929782524844837,0.0,0.0,0.08692868377841083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457743698828276,0.06865443727999666,0.0,0.10527373908617876,0.17566879715502073,0.0,0.0,0.10536957699435433,0.07424724678405505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923260900194973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117317516254557,0.0,0.16996325636004436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644143466751948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562898294402286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826958841551188,0.0,0.09390000225189132,0.1926365147734664,0.08485877515432673,0.08504619200814009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093290926641312,0.12829607272524202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125753231799171,0.0741188684665297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084163333821718,0.0,0.06512039540881534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917390963954672,0.06662420086503656,0.167823039589824,0.0,0.0,0.09084632720166826,0.0,0.0,0.09776907180053837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312927832504937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914138763939872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657990270270175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617021203501674,0.09796267269867456,0.08142590375924752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034457958381104,0.22016630444975288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225584861004401,0.3089687607395222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910923303299037,0.09182844148113188,0.0,0.1304922824207745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490007312748929,0.0,0.0,0.05668274714043671,0.07628034920256481,0.0,0.0,0.08640616869597521,0.08908641290260931,0.08671603276022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421722816958126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507114868049648,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,atetoomuchacid,2019/04/16,"I honestly see no other way So this might get a bit long winded but here goes.

So this Friday when I get my paycheck I think I'm gonna order my suicide drug online and just end it when the mail comes. Its really hard to hold on that long but at least if I do I can feel more as if I'm not acting irrationally.

The problem?

Lets see. I have ptsd from growing up in a abusive household (mentally/emotionally). As much as I want to process it I can't access it. I've been trying EMDR for it to no avail. Also psilocybin in the past has always given me insight and answers I couldn't get before, but the other day I tripped (5 grams in silent darkness, Terrance McKenna style, Force yourself to get to know yourself) and I almost processed it 3 separate times. Every time it was as if I came to a ""door"" that I didn't have the ""key"" to.

Everything has been considerably worse as of late. So I went to the psych ward because of stimulant induced psychosis. Not a fan of stims but was with a friend who is and I enjoy drugs so I partook. While in there they cut me off my psych meds (Escitalopram for depression and lithium for bipolar) which I was fine with because I didn't wanna be on them in the first place, rehab forced me to when I got sober last year.

So during that 3 day stay they convinced me to get on vivitrol (naltrexone suspended release, an opioid blocker). I view this as a huge problem for a couple reasons. One being I came in with psychosis I shouldn't be making important decisions, and two, I'm in SSRI withdrawal I definitely shouldn't be making important decisions. They didn't wean me off the meds I was on.

So I left there feeling like shit due to lack of serotonin and got sent back in the world with no coping mechanism(opioids). I was severely manic and wouldn't sleep. I started taking Flualprazolam because it would level me out. I wasnt taking doses high enough to get high just enough to feel normal. 

I don't like benzos I view them as one of the worst drugs. They just numb you and dont help solve anything. So I didn't order any more thinking I would be fine. I went into serious benzo withdrawal. 

With the already present mania from the ssri withdrawal and now the effects of the benzo withdrawal I can't control my thoughts. I get panic attacks several times a day and most of the time when not having one I have racing thoughts and my brain is telling it to kill its self.

I try to keep myself distracted but I have no real friends. Well I now have two that I met during this whole ordeal but i feel as if they came in the picture too late. Me and my girlfriend of 3(?) Years recently broke up and my current girl has a lot going on in her life so as much as I wanna be selfish and try to lean on her I feel its not right of me.

Shit is just too much to handle. I've been suicidal for a very long time and it just seems better amd better.

I mean I could go get prescribed benzos or continuously order them but I feel as if that's not even living anyways.

This might sound out there to some but God (she's a female) I met her on ketamine along with the part of me that's missing. I expressed how all that I longed for was to be whole again and she said you can't be until you cross the barrier of death and move over here with us.

This was a week after she gave me a lot of hope. I saw her she gave me a big hug because it was our first encounter that I recall and I instantly started crying. Feeling truly loved for the first time. She looked at me and said ""just because you are suffering doesn't mean you aren't making progress"" 

That may sound delusional but I believe there's something there and it cant be explained, like describing color to a blind person.

There was more but my mind just drew a blank from reminiscing about those experiences. So yeah idk if I even really want advice or what. Probably just people to relate or at least to feel like I'm being heard because real life people are shit.",2.381243215301112,4.410097459119498,3.78204014818644,87.34425174463689,77.55345911949684,6.469371930731455,23.84638580167141,7.462294177604082,1.0654364607564402,3100,103,628,42,73,1019,342,795,0.18,0.7140000000000001,0.106,-0.9974,1,0,6,0,0,1,73.0,2,5,8,8,42,35,6,2,36,1,62,17,5,9,1,131,128,68,4,22,32,0,9,4,3,9,10,5,1,3,35,36,0,5,25,0,0,14,26,18,1,8,36,22,99,17,96,70,21,98,0,4,8,2,45,37,3,19,46,447,134,2,0.0,0.06886622038034804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679709793939122,0.0,0.0,0.05820176306221165,0.0,0.0641401476213679,0.04648092166585792,0.04836297087414608,0.0,0.0,0.03952561574554831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478302555713419,0.0,0.0,0.06612327433827142,0.0,0.044692979632493295,0.0,0.21258735446896848,0.0,0.0494583702948823,0.06548468851059952,0.0,0.10281009516956237,0.06345523437751079,0.0,0.0,0.06488446190438663,0.0,0.19943159589022955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050067795926045634,0.0,0.0,0.06518985813892482,0.04640646558629862,0.06431196570874764,0.06384535818519596,0.1124535303734531,0.0,0.05006123272260465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811969317432992,0.0,0.202212592605566,0.0,0.0,0.06538052311417167,0.051479703547058914,0.1201131397079602,0.0,0.07677935290257495,0.0,0.04897111279476582,0.0,0.052237181641761214,0.056855421933350365,0.0,0.0,0.2351097782422587,0.08304612911663428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148318117116952,0.0,0.0,0.08981133175465952,0.0,0.24293484168922524,0.0,0.06606525164518241,0.0,0.09297250459974787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206676858868108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03895860459197496,0.1228202273515712,0.0,0.05772922828386636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051662370277679615,0.06430445959028681,0.0,0.03194286670886435,0.047377981744206515,0.13113049366912927,0.0,0.06315078180198196,0.05943467932385845,0.08210795150468887,0.11358379763946985,0.0,0.05132365129878461,0.205748013448328,0.04880865989014014,0.0,0.0,0.09882814875487668,0.052458253710672635,0.0,0.11639261032660746,0.0,0.0,0.12662591701281042,0.12912304344751002,0.0,0.0,0.1233185815811442,0.05868763519376687,0.0,0.0,0.0617755234464847,0.12818122180066766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694817428190159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815689515867125,0.0,0.0,0.06819478721888489,0.0,0.06294151728337846,0.05548495586112026,0.08059030423285515,0.05075073937931498,0.06072613745240809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266639704669053,0.11123167373286746,0.06794264676088432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231333931792294,0.07447013150888758,0.0597600980990401,0.05738942525833617,0.0,0.0,0.04963670259903483,0.1105765174522668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926329708544684,0.05291297299011752,0.060634938497729565,0.13132483415593588,0.17898719406017816,0.0,0.0,0.058164950163833634,0.0,0.0,0.04474590536076097,0.0,0.0,0.08227948094151298,0.061951357252465714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715420060863245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740248658115554,0.0,0.05080204154030847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744857102453347,0.0,0.09228629862303188,0.20335184287506647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183850530714066,0.0,0.11355540087204767,0.0,0.06991478176641963,0.0,0.0,0.04795754104892805,0.06856487248613377,0.04613531171410437,0.04662274417745444,0.0,0.05225953431629372,0.10776115924270302,0.0,0.12978445055755244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059232276545920434,0.08257778683481043,0.0,0.0,0.07485857981434126
suicidewatch,NightlyDazed,2019/04/16,"Ready to kill myself Facing numerous legal charges and I’m only twenty. Drug charges, reckless driving charge, and now a DWI. I’m only twenty but this has been heavy on my mental and I’m just ready to off myself. I can’t deal with any of this anymore.",-0.5017647058823513,1.3407165686274531,1.4382156862745106,93.83497058823532,108.80392156862743,2.8243137254901964,16.864705882352947,4.935628992294339,-0.5534564705882352,199,6,38,1,10,65,37,51,0.15,0.73,0.12,-0.1406,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,6,6,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,6,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345359856994345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420366870246033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555648676127891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999611292829858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815679915518077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475664581923152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246064439998579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lagaucheur,2019/04/16,"Do you believe in signs? I was going to kill myself to weeks ago Wednesday. Planned on taking a packed bag and biking far out and away from everyone and everything I knew. the day before the trip to an unknown destination, some litter got caught in my chain and the bike shit the bed. I've since wised up some and no longer feel like doing it anytime soon.",4.54457142857143,5.7732186000000025,4.704285714285717,86.2707142857143,70.14285714285714,7.314285714285713,25.42857142857143,7.554174236665415,1.1613714285714285,282,8,56,3,5,88,57,70,0.13699999999999998,0.797,0.065,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,6,0,3,1,1,0,0,11,9,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,2,10,5,2,15,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,6,34,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565705546292888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719378337850004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462916018727127,0.32609907555081863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866644612212074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27657173990044204,0.26012945972860924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463492517898834,0.2067755573780038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449507493678495,0.0,0.2314911202235819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32022179998295786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140546534701404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971053735154773,0.2394272536154937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762239939756495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321708191900356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KingNothing_1539,2019/04/17,"I've been drinking and sneaked onto my jobs roof Shit day I haven't eaten in 2 days only been drinking and I sneaked into my jobs roof.
Its rain and I'm just drinking looking at the city on the 6th floor",-0.4219696969696969,1.8131092272727287,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,93.0909090909091,2.9333333333333336,20.96969696969697,3.1291,-0.5556848484848484,162,6,36,0,6,52,31,44,0.08900000000000001,0.911,0.0,-0.5574,2,0,3,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,5,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,19,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167985368359981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7218180681766008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874635532514303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062520223256481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679881373113413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211694556114683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,leptictidium00,2019/04/17,Feeling like giving up 24 f I haven’t been here in awhile. I’ve been feeling rather down lately but I can’t seem to pick myself back up. What are things to live for when you feel worthless and like a waste of space?,0.5765217391304347,2.7130714347826093,1.3371304347826083,101.86221739130436,84.65217391304347,3.68,15.72173913043478,3.1291,-1.334368695652174,170,3,40,0,5,52,38,46,0.155,0.6559999999999999,0.189,-0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,4,2,8,8,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622075588022408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172587633759401,0.2436101034514263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271177825623367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846622770762545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333190252064557,0.0,0.3011087966506433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31043312821820945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265449086904713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lonelyandoverwhelmed,2019/04/17,"Guilt makes me suicidal, guilt prevent suicide Hello all....

So, let me provide some insight.. I fit the stereotypical overachiever personality. Served in the military, awarded appointment to naval academy, but a clerical error prevented me from enrolling. Eventually, through hard work and determination, I earned my BS and a masters in chemistry and now I am a doctoral student in biology at my states flagship.... after separating I had to take on duties of being a caregiver and it has destroyed me and killed my will. I am currently a student but I am cannot fully commit to my school work because of my caregiving duties. I support my mom, but she is delusional and fails to see how hard I work to make sure that she is comfortable, and it kills me that she doesn’t appreciate my efforts. I have been running on pure adrenaline for the last few years, and now I honestly don’t care if I live or die. I’ve been suffered so long and I feel like I lost my purpose in life. All of my peers congratulate me and blah blah, but I am struggling. Each day I contemplate suicide and the only thing that keeps me alive is knowing the post grief that I would cause my dad. He is a strong man, and he is very proud of me, but he doesn’t understand the daunting depression I feel and the feeling of hopeless and despair that accompanies it. Logically, I feel like life isn’t worth it. I’ve literally had a full time job and been a full time student for the past 10 years and it’s finally catching up to me.THE ONLY THING THAT IS KEEPING ME ALIVE IS KNOWING HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT HIM IF I KILLED MYSELF. I’m tired of all of the compliments and the “I’m so proud of u” speeches. I’m dead inside, I’m tired, I’m exhausted, and as a military vet, I don’t have anyone that I relate too. I’m so sick and tired of suffering, sick and tired of deadlines, tied of the 5 hour daily study sessions, and having to take care of other people. I just don’t think life is for me anymore. I am giving all that I have but it has turned me into a dark, withdrawn person. Add that to my introverted personality, and I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m crying for help, but instead all I get is compliments and people telling me that I’m handsome, accomplished, this and that. I don’t know what to do. I fear that the pain and burden will become soo much that I won’t even care about the grief that my suicide will cause. I’m trapped and i don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a statistic, but the suffering that I am going through has to constitute cruel and unusual punishment. I don’t know what to do",3.2698920265780735,4.957086160852711,4.797552602436324,82.54872093023258,74.01937984496124,8.170099667774089,28.75858250276855,8.841846274778883,2.3051210409745297,2033,85,408,42,42,682,226,516,0.275,0.57,0.155,-0.9982,2,1,1,0,0,4,60.0,0,0,0,13,14,40,6,4,26,0,51,12,0,6,8,80,89,45,11,5,13,2,6,4,0,6,12,1,0,4,29,30,0,6,13,0,1,3,13,24,0,0,6,9,62,16,44,74,12,32,0,11,2,0,17,13,0,4,16,275,91,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574412341337376,0.055502217428814934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838745927800607,0.08766561818537613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427903088341354,0.16308401070584014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719186548963326,0.051191573790507434,0.0,0.06836726104869255,0.0,0.08238075453820265,0.0,0.0,0.08124568408533876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052427734771599135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932115034636161,0.16054150796940672,0.11341383501003327,0.0,0.08695358194340554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041471186475823964,0.07614561484673837,0.045111756741002915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221233343528494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320470442649868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817031828752452,0.0,0.0849746795223136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876938670765353,0.14110778193336382,0.26345654329557444,0.0,0.21811751211056632,0.06470281832280514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116832158719052,0.16819888712487902,0.07755914828494735,0.0,0.07009131168940805,0.07024611351270317,0.0,0.0,0.08664933069204515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105969476999379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296533852806756,0.0,0.0,0.11670240058404288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073951291065445,0.08446268404794867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577429190870767,0.11005998190278868,0.2079267044892256,0.0,0.0,0.07503688598085327,0.0,0.07602118776629341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033372326634583,0.1265063234702117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082982035256797,0.0,0.3473020520536593,0.09007603580525547,0.0748118472866205,0.0,0.11936319366144064,0.0,0.06937896345937374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546905293567677,0.050861552141130716,0.0,0.0,0.09257068973649676,0.36492856393290535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633934097531001,0.0,0.08263421680918623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549430666866053,0.04681858876712388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173362121108553,0.0,0.0,0.1127742327209923,0.0,0.0,0.10223232208963423
suicidewatch,12throwaway730,2019/04/17,"i feel so alone  I'm using a throwaway account to be anonymous for several reasons but I won't discuss that. Anyway, I've suffered with multiple mental health issues since I can remember maybe like 8 years old if that's even possible. Throughout my life I've been ignored, isolated, rejected, mocked, bullied, etc. up until maybe seventh grade, but it didn't fully go away, it just subsided. I've been rejected by multiple love interests and that makes me feel unattractive and alone because since *elementary school* everyone around me is always happy with someone and I've always been alone until a while ago. But that's done, and it's making me feel horrible. I miss my person so much, they made me feel everything I never thought I could feel, and they just left. I understand why sort of they have their own problems but idk I just feel like they pushed me away when they really needed someone, and I'm still willing to be here for them. I was already feeling shit lately but the breakup just made things worse. I want them back and I know in my heart this'll hopefully be temporary but idk it just hurts a lot. I feel more alone than ever, broken, depressed, anxious for the future, etc. Idk why I'm choosing to go on, I really don't see myself living past maybe 25. I didn't even see myself live past the age of 13 or 16, idk how I got this far. I'm really considering....",3.208082706766916,5.534667582706771,4.174637593984965,84.0835203007519,76.18045112781955,7.413894736842106,26.429473684210528,8.364918446050245,1.9840080000000002,1091,42,203,21,25,352,153,266,0.269,0.645,0.086,-0.9952,0,7,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,8,0,18,16,2,0,6,0,17,5,2,7,2,53,47,22,0,6,13,0,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,14,0,1,3,5,10,0,0,11,10,33,6,20,30,6,27,0,6,2,1,11,8,1,5,18,125,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790583660639549,0.0,0.0,0.3694808698772972,0.09841941472088377,0.0,0.1484204656245877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075525076932064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939480829383289,0.0,0.0,0.1675871250391667,0.06857883962987613,0.0,0.054367204161029664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120808653622085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681611919339122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126865628590188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989328319384073,0.11781355758529916,0.0806742085560409,0.0,0.0852214311481947,0.08015498926195003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607626054488709,0.06371478493269939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137337754022603,0.0,0.07133051471800397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494058561372364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480097704880132,0.0,0.10568631831306348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858222300214352,0.0,0.0,0.0954758902211586,0.0,0.0,0.09308743455931552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049014515285373234,0.0,0.1006061485480334,0.0,0.0969012890460939,0.0,0.0629949947942593,0.08714394415992706,0.0,0.1575064576397176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582309145764299,0.0804942117994758,0.16878066405482772,0.11906523460473335,0.0,0.2687991912563701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987891849965678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556226895673017,0.06613058858758647,0.06878605303456364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935861283692827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027702879331372,0.0,0.07787412800871514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054427015617537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533934386803682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140528270744687,0.09169847742306604,0.0,0.0,0.10103081003193518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026140241718136,0.14214003418221371,0.0,0.0,0.10075525076932064,0.09154856219916868,0.147551830250908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113470160166134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122437754716282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059251483950416135,0.0,0.0,0.07080404266336326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284619202963336,0.0,0.07702841782613204,0.0,0.0,0.05260445189752901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160953715344023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088856521890704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743312017035007
suicidewatch,whitecheddarjuice,2019/04/17,"I feel like im losing it I feel so disconnected from the people around me at work and even my with my loved ones. Ive always been shy and had a hard time opening up but its years of social isolation is taking its toll on me. I dunno man I just feel like such a failure at life. Socially, academically, and i guess financially too lol. Three years at my community college with nothing to show for it, below average grades with my gpa hovering at around 2.00.  My degree is accounting and i had intended to transfer elsewhere but i know I’ll get refused, no 4 year college will want me. I’m not involved in anything and im just not well rounded. I dont know what to do Im just treading water. Not going in any direction whatsoever. I don’t have many friends and I feel so insignificant to everyone. Like they can look through me and tell what a loser i am. I guess the only thing that stops me is that I think of the  pain that it would inflict on my mom. I don’t think her sweet heart could handle it and that what’s stopping me.  I mostly wanted to just vent a bit. Thank you.",1.161677978883862,3.4412752941176485,3.2184445701357447,88.38899415535444,83.3891402714932,6.217269984917045,22.782993966817497,7.492282038375204,1.0173030165912524,844,30,178,14,24,285,131,221,0.16,0.723,0.117,-0.8440000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,3,12,11,0,0,7,1,17,5,1,1,0,43,36,12,0,4,9,1,6,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,14,14,1,3,8,1,1,1,7,3,1,2,3,8,31,8,25,30,2,20,0,2,2,1,12,13,0,4,9,120,45,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276671090523327,0.0,0.0,0.08398817221639135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163474157976456,0.2198926752310924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483633467569958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986093233488732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474786575077536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157440931164799,0.0,0.0,0.11801507481978835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497929529028577,0.17646512173407747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542026678285667,0.0,0.06452667762504889,0.0,0.0701911865006145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721111031263361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063692859660668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635495549769778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002223398535648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575110417003405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723579179266311,0.1810160710439402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037137576526196,0.13817138716022054,0.0,0.0,0.11146879722726012,0.0,0.0,0.12521548579494626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446484882461991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850713622396992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369071948198784,0.09393171848040836,0.13141886808773925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562336377571485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179719837575565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065127408896764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286098339841424,0.0,0.1079495039697706,0.11370753766534315,0.0,0.0,0.08205175878156999,0.1582750462388429,0.0,0.0,0.07201721920395901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569382942526074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110465374242686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991368587671954,0.0,0.0,0.08773496947623959,0.0,0.0,0.23860103788627846
suicidewatch,srryifckedup,2019/04/17,"What happens if you go to the er and tell them your suicidal If your 21 what would happen would police come.
Would they give you a 72 hour psychological evaluation. Etc etc",2.3913636363636357,5.2013268484848485,3.718409090909091,83.09761363636366,83.54545454545455,6.936363636363637,20.37121212121212,8.07648339933343,1.1601575757575762,138,4,27,3,4,45,26,33,0.127,0.873,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556258085739015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322813264655845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289200564025437,0.1356215445676523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220475837373001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500701527464796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610275243849066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857716180027866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085575269279402,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Minavara,2019/04/17,"Hurting, going through a divorce. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. 
But I love him. I have been gas lighted for 4 years of a marriage. I'm bi polar, manic depressive , I have ptsd, I have multi personality disorder. I have alot of issue. I've always wanted to die and always tried so hard. I have been with this man for so long and been through so much. I found out how deep the rabbit hole went. I WANT TO FUCKING DIE. I want to slit my fucking wrists. I want to die. He has hurt me so much. More than anything else in this world. Why in the fuck are men so SHIT. EVERY SINGLE ONE IVE BEEN WITH. FUCK EVERYTHING. I'm only here because k have am obligation to 4 kids. Fuck that. Fuck you fuck everything. I'm gonna die. Fuck him.",-2.119889483065954,-0.6534524470588199,0.5790909090909118,100.08621212121216,111.70588235294115,3.4723707664884134,14.563279857397506,5.565023196281405,-0.8799019607843133,604,16,144,6,33,204,88,170,0.426,0.523,0.05,-0.9979,0,0,0,0,1,1,26.0,0,1,0,0,7,22,18,0,5,0,14,12,2,1,0,13,43,9,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,21,0,1,6,2,34,1,17,36,5,9,0,3,0,10,20,5,9,1,2,87,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218793912252493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042102305061425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044758090498735616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063239279408889,0.0,0.30480668520250026,0.0,0.0841493281110344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133564743415284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186219788379365,0.0,0.13197604396523732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050472973717833,0.0,0.5430283919912475,0.0,0.0,0.04172808659305903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577274964327431,0.6524117259011651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720207065674616,0.0,0.0,0.07663472647886234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497720592689041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626728874404378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794897448013996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049753448597841095,0.05584163878681562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411029080326693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582777108384916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536784160912638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498495212220263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732275812228485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806402567567969,0.06625300186614451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728212218887444
suicidewatch,12throwaway73018,2019/04/17,"i feel really alone I'm using a throwaway account to be anonymous for several reasons but I won't discuss that. Anyway, I've suffered with multiple mental health issues since I can remember maybe like 8 years old if that's even possible. Throughout my life I've been ignored, isolated, rejected, mocked, bullied, etc. up until maybe seventh grade, but it didn't fully go away, it just subsided. I've been rejected by multiple love interests and that makes me feel unattractive and alone because since *elementary school* everyone around me is always happy with someone and I've always been alone until a while ago. But that's done, and it's making me feel horrible. I miss my person so much, they made me feel everything I never thought I could feel, and they just left. I understand why sort of they have their own problems but idk I just feel like they pushed me away when they really needed someone, and I'm still willing to be here for them. I was already feeling shit lately but the breakup just made things worse. I want them back and I know in my heart this'll hopefully be temporary but idk it just hurts a lot. I feel more alone than ever, broken, depressed, anxious for the future, etc. Idk why I'm choosing to go on, I really don't see myself living past maybe 25. I didn't even see myself live past the age of 13 or 16, idk how I got this far. I'm really considering....",3.2789097744360918,5.623086394736844,4.263359398496242,83.447430075188,76.03007518796994,7.564270676691729,26.429473684210528,8.488131031819089,2.069045593984963,1095,42,202,22,25,354,153,266,0.269,0.645,0.086,-0.9952,0,7,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,8,0,17,16,2,0,6,0,17,5,2,7,2,53,47,21,0,6,13,0,8,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,14,0,1,3,5,10,0,0,11,10,33,6,20,30,6,27,0,6,2,1,11,8,1,5,18,124,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817027891125787,0.0,0.0,0.365330376639935,0.09731383890214156,0.0,0.14675321248895015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962343577958742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850294178119137,0.0,0.0,0.16570456687214974,0.06780847224873275,0.0,0.05375648049005968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040818400889315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759532198954155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024340715507792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669815772124447,0.11649012134301208,0.07976797014333878,0.0,0.0842641123734057,0.07925458340065862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35671004718054705,0.06299905698697117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023461894071042,0.0,0.07052923691692875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387408856159796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373604826299692,0.0,0.10449911111181984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758715140982264,0.0,0.0,0.09440337992630718,0.0,0.0,0.09204175452789698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04846392002913685,0.0,0.09947600846980864,0.0,0.09581276680403288,0.0,0.062287352474460524,0.08616502920004572,0.0,0.15573713873697811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497134714829523,0.07958999534618154,0.16688469849376986,0.1177277378861725,0.0,0.2657796865499735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886928072453153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482578764980514,0.06538772316993517,0.06801335796096049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253484635558436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836425410292316,0.0,0.07699934376948514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941482517712323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438070054308512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259731119877528,0.0906683999780626,0.0,0.0,0.09989589959951677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924746808155053,0.14054333108138028,0.0,0.0,0.09962343577958742,0.0905201687983843,0.14589433476590444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494369586112414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042429201785516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858589364929567,0.0,0.0,0.07000867888620807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918032219503927,0.0,0.07616313371175219,0.0,0.0,0.052013529769602995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914567232602986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986758576895633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056787956113691834
suicidewatch,HyperChibiAbsol,2019/04/17,What do you do when you have no insurance? I need a therapist but don’t have insurance nor a job..,0.8657142857142865,2.6608205714285766,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,81.38095238095238,9.914285714285716,24.785714285714285,10.125756701596842,2.6948857142857148,76,3,18,3,2,27,15,21,0.091,0.909,0.0,-0.1531,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5844761256716273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4367244624740133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6838562732012248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinheadloserr,2019/04/17,"Always felt like I would end up going by suicide, but I think the time is almost here. The past few years of my life have been a nonstop nightmare. I am nothing more than a punching bag for the world and those around me. I think I squeezed out a few extra years by numbing myself with drugs. I dont want to keep doing that though, its become just as exhausting. Today I figured out someone I used to know pressed charges from an offhand comment when angry nearly a year ago. I know whats gonna happen. Its going to stain my life and ruin a part of me, just like everything else does. 

I find myself almost perpetually in envy of others. Nothing ever seems to come to me in moderation. Im a cripple, depressed, personality disorder, covered in scars from accidents and surgeries....I just cant take it anymore. It makes it worse having to go be a part of the world, watching everyone go along with ease. Listening to people talk about their struggles makes me jealous. Im not trying to invalidate peoples struggles, I know there are people who are having a much more difficult time than I am. What I also know however, is that the great majority of people my age dont have these struggles. Bad things come, and then they just....go. Just like that for them. They tackle it and its gone...I would give anything for that. Problems arise in my life and they seem to ALWAYS take a part of me I will never get back. 

I am broken. The world has beaten me completely. I never stood a chance. I always sort of expected I would go by suicide, but now I am certain of it. I am truly, finally at the end of my rope. I simply cannot keep this up. Every waking second has been spent slowly coming to terms with the nothingness waiting for me. Im beginning to want to embrace it. I dont feel scared of it anymore. I long so much to not be tired.",2.806029005524863,4.7782961878453065,4.240107044198897,84.81192852209945,76.07182320441989,6.513950276243095,25.124654696132595,7.413659706084162,1.2768919889502763,1428,50,276,18,32,473,189,362,0.209,0.708,0.08199999999999999,-0.9944,1,0,1,0,0,3,52.0,0,0,5,1,15,18,2,4,19,0,29,8,1,3,4,56,65,14,2,7,8,0,4,3,0,5,7,1,0,1,22,16,0,3,12,0,1,8,10,13,0,1,5,6,42,5,51,53,12,44,0,2,1,0,11,14,0,5,25,201,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068623646364616,0.0,0.15503969870061293,0.0,0.0,0.06190867519510124,0.1932462189653778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354957652679174,0.0,0.0,0.06370587437899146,0.06891568241032169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059527286904073766,0.06463821584839721,0.0,0.08549868541356535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005826936927806,0.0811680597792173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667734815522404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872419325352011,0.0,0.0677463090340133,0.0,0.27218909229701743,0.0,0.08977671746680534,0.0,0.06467022326187717,0.0,0.13713326379136662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002621777202565,0.06522540017059847,0.07397326361474801,0.0695755289582124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0391433043244809,0.0,0.07433045344362861,0.08480424939730903,0.0707558248361653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04044609505548729,0.07426343535999629,0.26398006273540625,0.0,0.0,0.08535021107365748,0.0,0.0,0.06845774884530681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508641603261928,0.0,0.0,0.13761985721032866,0.0,0.0,0.17018083884787313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404132013068648,0.1134630432788922,0.0,0.0,0.0685097588435199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335010651782904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381773198067087,0.0,0.11941430144010445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856338720305026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514984090329961,0.07390129084173834,0.21467900333357706,0.06759571298374455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407561332409805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750582959621123,0.0,0.0,0.14095125230094285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655934016378743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279261611076386,0.0,0.16935869219122707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641275514920625,0.062223171868823514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143102600808636,0.09920869632071087,0.07605975557247373,0.0,0.09028251262155336,0.08897705033045783,0.07338028236230297,0.0,0.0,0.052559641933950865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686162601248599,0.0,0.0,0.09132263880334228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889240656863636,0.16497999179871334,0.0,0.0,0.14955799080131285
suicidewatch,lasttempt,2019/04/17,"I will never be good enough. Knowing that, how am I supposed to go on living? I will never be good enough. It's a reality that stares me in the face every day. I will never be successful, likable, lovable, smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough. I am, always have been and always will be, a loser. I feel like a waste of a human life. How am I supposed to deal with that and go on living a normal life?",1.845731707317072,3.971570097560978,3.805060975609756,86.03856707317075,79.73170731707317,6.051219512195122,21.22560975609756,7.1686216300943375,0.7337999999999996,316,9,62,4,8,107,46,82,0.159,0.664,0.177,0.3971,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,0,0,6,0,13,3,1,2,3,11,17,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,2,8,7,7,8,5,9,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,5,50,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389842782485636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926143331942182,0.14805202927178984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7419196826218182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099469733508952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726117777284372,0.10259253551607984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322980367376386,0.2409006922001444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892239462990602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028670817171196,0.07015889793618599,0.0,0.25361439839250904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322746327911262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070391130178853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigbearNS,2019/04/17,My mind is going I'm only 32 but I feel my mind slipping my mother  passed away this time last year and I'm losing my house. My gf is the only thing keeping me going but I'd rather die than forget her and live a life drooling on myself. Trust me when I wish I was someone who had no one to love and no one to love me because it would make this so much easier.,0.7104107142857146,2.1162893625000017,2.8796428571428585,94.77250000000002,80.375,5.071428571428573,17.67857142857143,5.288315135182226,-0.6093928571428573,279,5,66,1,7,95,56,80,0.161,0.609,0.229,0.8755,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,1,0,14,15,7,1,3,3,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,2,2,13,3,5,12,1,9,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18638825190454225,0.0,0.0,0.12093301489769455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589121984299213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030888614866454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549234166963625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289084433495915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176332770405292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617093976188835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012445115570332,0.0,0.0,0.1751766628628703,0.0,0.0,0.22194089597151398,0.0,0.0,0.3580985215238196,0.0,0.13242282744210745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40062247421594016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458350299748198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688601981652621,0.30175986777221514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809007748694746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317974816226135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567927690390335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813175254010326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409262665287623,0.0,0.0,0.1277527598551885
suicidewatch,madlatina99,2019/04/17,nothing stopping me i officially have nothing stopping me from just throwing this life away. i didn’t think i’d make it to twenty so i guess that’s enough for me. all i’ve been wanting for months on end is a break and maybe this will be the real break i need. all i need is the courage,1.1034972677595611,3.0733377377049216,2.3028688524590173,96.66009562841532,81.45901639344262,4.722404371584699,23.281420765027317,5.46131890053228,0.05552240437158451,226,8,52,1,6,72,44,61,0.0,0.887,0.113,0.6234,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,1,2,13,13,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,1,6,9,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22607455130572754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131218035489245,0.24862933545337884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26507491261415883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699601348169249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061866019293172,0.0,0.241739559012162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206410602602256,0.0,0.0,0.3568398977911511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4617712165039945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738832546232445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023455575028557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418240405752354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192650964849715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Please_Make_It_Hurt,2019/04/17,"Dead weight hoping to be real dead weight ASAP I have made a new reddit account because my life keeps on getting unbelievably shittier and shittier but this time I am going full raw dogging honest with this one. My username is in reference to me wanting a painful death because that's what I deserve.

My husband seems optimistic. I am not. We just lost $2300 at the casino. That was all our money for the rest of the month. I want to die. He is selling his guitar, and playstation. We owe hydro $700 today or we are getting disconnected. We need to replace our struts in our shitty car- that's another grand. Why are we so stupid? Why did we chase our losses? What the fuck are we going to do now?

I have been off work suffering from depression for almost two years now. I am such a piece of shit. I am not a functional adult, at all. I don't know why my husband is still with me. He would be so much better without my dead weight. I am so useless. I have had this mental illness for 22 years (I am 34) and it just gets worse and worse even though I have been taking all kinds of meds, therapy, nothing fucking works longterm. I am a hopeless case and it would be such a blessing if this suffering could end with me getting killed painfully in some freak accident. I ONLY live for my husband and my dog and my fucking mom.

It is so hard. Right now my husband is making silly sounds and singing. I don't know how he does it. I'm on the couch with my head on my dog. I don't deserve any of this.",1.6865021929824555,3.8123802598684233,3.1119999999999983,90.79966666666668,80.28289473684211,5.763859649122808,24.2780701754386,6.88968998030894,0.867484122807018,1165,43,243,13,30,380,163,304,0.293,0.636,0.07200000000000001,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,2,36.0,11,0,0,5,15,23,6,0,11,0,34,12,2,3,3,48,57,17,6,8,8,5,4,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,14,19,3,1,4,3,5,3,6,16,0,2,7,5,43,7,28,44,8,25,1,7,0,3,21,11,4,6,11,168,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621608381746166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213279966241644,0.11122605252477508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932137603616636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938123272497691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469009835866542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135991439273032,0.0,0.11008629813118212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282458233585264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394857164391723,0.0,0.0,0.07005975209576816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29418638939003106,0.2216735898486715,0.0,0.1205666621931322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501994382212067,0.0,0.10886077907598272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535372517087324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428193173044128,0.1173532812464416,0.1104579749834917,0.11658912133270395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492200064266152,0.0,0.0,0.09366378201194528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579044286379254,0.0,0.0,0.10036817259914282,0.07080408223470007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782241021570615,0.0,0.10689592739210237,0.0,0.0,0.12423059281790362,0.08466589586207432,0.0,0.07797534348487825,0.0786512645463422,0.0,0.10244528588727196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017792302204907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187733394702396,0.08067276203650328,0.22573680634960555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073349671674627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905851624811786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656423583151573,0.0,0.0,0.10888168906628616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470947378898731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975316684681384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130291646404452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421549371844306,0.0,0.06185160967307815,0.0,0.10054413530555402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361722173311554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512837858771242,0.0,0.0,0.3875024468724297,0.0,0.0,0.2871412499634633,0.0,0.0,0.10224990957471773,0.0,0.15444379176498094,0.0,0.21619346628986744,0.1507014335378693,0.0,0.0,0.13661416372416801
suicidewatch,Bigsammy610,2019/04/17,"I don't enjoy this I just wish everybody understood how much I hate being alive. Since I can remember, (maybe 5 yrs old) I've fantasized about my death. Prayed for it. Begged God to take me out. Overdosed, tried to CO poison myself a few times. Haven't had an attempt in a few years.

    I just wish people knew. I'm not here for me. I'm not alive because I enjoy it, I don't. And it's not fair. But life's not fair I know. But fuck life man forreal. It's torture. I wish they knew.",-1.6640833809251845,0.2093096504854373,0.8642033123929203,99.65810965162764,102.98058252427185,4.36527698458024,14.796687607081669,6.2272716619740125,-0.5831297544260425,366,9,88,5,17,123,66,103,0.251,0.609,0.14,-0.9229,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,4,0,3,0,6,4,0,1,0,19,18,4,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,14,2,7,13,3,5,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,3,49,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634161433984487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160525759717786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462284582673773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390273019920867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29278273401970395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821697124604255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235734534448994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174807904958709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368553335195314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23478116696400564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144468545304553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583106454610468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208529085466776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071353167841408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7150041017949712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346636507929102
suicidewatch,TaeceLo,2019/04/17,"Finding a therapist? Do tips exist to finding an actual good therapist, not some old biddy that just tells you you drink too much? I'm starting to scare myself and know I need help but I'd rather suffer than sit through/pay for another shit person just sitting there judging me?",5.101415094339623,6.81688475471698,5.3850471698113225,80.0541745283019,69.37735849056604,8.318867924528304,30.23113207547169,8.841846274778883,2.5970037735849063,224,9,39,4,4,71,46,53,0.208,0.728,0.064,-0.8883,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,11,5,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,4,5,2,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.2211306507981934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376117254118795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219834774239957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142198456466688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006282306218875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188639741003446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453441282539475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657838235245187,0.16802234953469908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377804508973406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785993494765866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268679140296739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326034720960474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038990708035095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805994468861984,0.0,0.0,0.5262042667195451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryanandrose,2019/04/17,"This is true unhappiness Warning: your life is probably 100x worse than mine, makes me look pathetic.

6 years i've been logging onto world of warcraft. When I can I smoke weed and eat good food. That's it.

I'm going to start college later this year, I can't wait? 

This is true unhappiness when it's been this long and you just sit in your living room staring at reddit. I can feel the torment of my sadness eating away at my stomach, maybe i'm just hungry, maybe when my food is done cooking it'll just turn to mush in my mouth and I won't beable to swallow it.

I don't wanna wake up, have a bath, log onto WoW, heal people then make meals I don't want to eat to give me energy I really don't need. I just wanna close my eyes and go. 

Last night I dreamt I was being raided by the police but I had a gun, it's always been a fantasy way to go for me - they'd be coming to lock me up forever but the jokes on them i've got a fucking gun. But in the dream they were shooting at me and I... I started shooting back. 

When I woke up I realized that if I was ever in that situation I would choose to keep fighting rather than take the easy way out. That's why this is true unhappiness, it doesn't matter what happens in my life now i'm not going to kill myself. I'm just going to let myself suffer, hang my head and softly wimper to myself. I'm not sure why but it entertains me slightly the idea of putting myself through more and more torture. If I can't leave this world then i'll make myself into such a disaster that no one will even recognize the face anymore.

I'll recognize it, a face of true unhappiness; then i'll shoot myself. Old and broken, cracked and worn.

Only, 34 more years to go.",2.3779574638844316,3.6572848455056217,4.118571428571428,88.18,75.54494382022472,6.8834670947030485,22.82664526484752,7.447530270364453,0.7866712680577841,1319,36,288,16,28,445,183,356,0.168,0.733,0.099,-0.9774,0,0,1,5,2,1,38.0,0,3,3,0,15,15,4,0,13,0,30,19,7,3,6,48,61,22,1,8,14,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,20,13,8,2,4,6,0,9,10,6,0,1,11,5,45,9,40,42,3,53,0,2,3,1,8,21,1,2,20,186,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264184416120183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110417031824272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460538751153413,0.08561178065317346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590752726390432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393707191065555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417786353369586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353746800323975,0.10071127893886496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562956613370958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26925985748197684,0.0,0.0,0.10292986367401463,0.0,0.10680521940864783,0.3796545148132385,0.0933847387313042,0.08904688986973383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984555165028588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426455016804687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568665517541955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896201928367587,0.12317861406273327,0.0,0.0,0.09075504507034776,0.0,0.11789049582894835,0.0,0.11385029083553205,0.15728215016996114,0.0,0.0,0.09831318505595876,0.09853031696480437,0.09349558518698636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295623847122564,0.0,0.2237072691400621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255545697742123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448284263057904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683013502958617,0.0,0.07544527331558636,0.08467730015491554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718750803246466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004081809719895,0.0,0.0,0.11192509026324617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132574977521354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514818385375054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761072393348513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493441782427232,0.0,0.08371205691875222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110339216547858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566983083320801,0.1767492890074442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009298239473683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346257754429688,0.07909107237265564,0.0,0.0,0.2150933894239868
suicidewatch,weirdflexbutnotokay,2019/04/17,"skipping days when i have a breakdown 
and im nearly at having a suicidal attempt 
i just take 10-15 xanax 0,5 mg 
and sleep 2 days 
to prevent myself from doing something stupid
like killing myself , getting drunk and driving my car fast , cutting myself so bad that i need to go to emergency etc",7.405789473684213,6.780306421052632,7.346315789473685,76.23421052631579,63.73684210526316,9.003508771929825,38.29824561403509,7.793537801064563,3.131624561403509,234,11,41,2,3,75,46,57,0.341,0.604,0.054000000000000006,-0.9638,0,0,1,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,6,7,5,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,1,6,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548285161839642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936563665154697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403776934215319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945394304507196,0.0,0.17345169264053714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296674209448855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376576061550087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491048733373208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263012795697818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30541953014736234,0.0,0.0,0.2349571924811775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338383003575528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947175498420685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Alexminestorm,2019/04/17,"I keep going back and forth between suicidal thoughts and complete apathy. It's always the same thing. It starts with having increasing anxiety for about a week, followed by a few days of serious suicidal thoughts, culminating in a few hours of being on the brink of actually ending my life. After that I rapidly calm down and go into a state of complete apathy for a week or so, but then my anxiety starts coming back and it all repeats.

This has been going on for at least two years. I've kept it all to myself in that time, to my knowledge nobody knows about this. I haven't even talked about it with my therapist. 

I'm scared of everything, scared of living, scared of actually commiting suicide, scared of doing something with my life, scared of being a NEET.

I don't know how many more cycles of this I can go through. I'm getting closer and closer to actually doing it. At this point I just want to finally decide wether to live or die, I'm tired of going back and forth, I just want out of this cycle.

I don't know what I expect from this, I just want to get everything off of my chest.",5.695886752136753,5.910662541666671,6.5140740740740775,77.95371794871797,67.10185185185185,9.794301994301996,29.57834757834759,9.661875296680813,2.5791108262108264,863,28,167,17,13,286,113,216,0.211,0.762,0.026,-0.9923,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,5,8,0,11,4,1,1,3,36,35,12,4,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,16,12,0,2,7,0,0,8,3,6,0,1,4,0,17,1,43,29,8,39,0,0,0,0,1,14,0,2,16,122,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.2898652532760275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238619002708815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148832243163288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840310963078644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529035489020705,0.2076250878150031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385476157418969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275916620313444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769553570236589,0.0,0.0,0.06539670996276538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779717951743239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846316750760884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345971137552903,0.0,0.2813549435575021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750720024462292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800670798373185,0.0,0.0,0.16324376102957372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398706732264961,0.0,0.0,0.17485940223933094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003829617214232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359865518464552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956430743774026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622452871183019,0.0,0.0,0.14016287315801407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249102550382843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795823600966521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496094616238622,0.06577939229045601,0.0,0.0,0.15720946000275987,0.05773488568716746,0.11380010769403287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672065906778182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520011214340303,0.0,0.1588434371157063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376069408340661
suicidewatch,davey607,2019/04/17,"Is this really all there is to life? I keep having this indescribable feeling of emptiness in my head, yet my mind is always racing and I'm anxious. It's been like this ever since I started my adult life. I'm 23 and can't stop thinking about that question. Is this really all there is to life?

I can't have any fun at all without being on drugs and being on drugs is also unfulfilling. I've tried so many things, had so many experiences (not talking about drugs now) and still I find myself wondering after every single one - Is this it?

I keep destroying every relationship I try to have because I automatically become irritated with the person when we become closer. It's like love and hate battle over every person I try to love and hate always wins. It feels like there's two of me in my head and this other one keeps bringing me down and laughing at me constantly whenever I try to be ""happy"" and normal.
Nothing ever really fulfills me and/or brings me any joy in this life and lately I've been wondering is there gonna be another chance for ""happiness"" and ""joy"" in some other life when I leave this one? I'm not even religious or anything. I've always been very sceptical about afterlife but I'm really getting tired and I'm not sure how long it's gonna be before I give up chasing this feeling. If it doesn't exist for me than what's the point of living really?

Is there anyone else who feels this way and have you found a way to truly ""feel"" just for a little? Let me know please. I'm exhausted.",3.837539130434781,5.3326448466666685,5.30895652173913,80.23186956521742,72.2,8.15072463768116,24.3768115942029,8.716276077567194,1.7096028985507248,1194,34,228,22,23,402,152,300,0.104,0.7979999999999999,0.098,-0.4219,0,0,3,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,0,1,21,19,5,0,4,0,26,14,2,1,6,49,56,22,0,2,8,0,5,3,0,2,10,0,0,3,22,15,0,4,12,0,0,2,7,6,0,4,5,5,25,13,30,43,5,31,0,0,0,2,12,14,0,6,16,153,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513468857306808,0.203316130583728,0.0,0.0,0.11077614556581004,0.08540631614784436,0.0,0.09201411964405824,0.0,0.05695099322628382,0.0834540650939274,0.06702553842210061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049650518361958836,0.17990791210663673,0.06930704966753977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801736979523059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833647391848275,0.0,0.06804013878246364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379625726983317,0.1473504600819387,0.20587273659678546,0.0,0.0,0.0796726929801685,0.0,0.0,0.20591515880941014,0.058187139619307875,0.0,0.0,0.07444285636722624,0.0,0.0,0.0893045596338213,0.0,0.0,0.042553709914379394,0.07813324577364379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340782414881625,0.0,0.16082793333111034,0.16718022266937987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217186682947485,0.0,0.0,0.04476220781872271,0.0,0.09187795294779212,0.08624266806416145,0.0,0.08328706035627692,0.2876489782774069,0.11937551506687676,0.08163323613873992,0.07192090698654555,0.07207974960578331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702169819672353,0.0,0.0,0.16515288421537413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224021177797959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980266878789312,0.0781524554380749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557573071047355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223614704063595,0.0,0.08940647839817245,0.07699557572988755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124145422061447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26089138564725184,0.0,0.0,0.08744568106040816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737540554333514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764997955081126,0.0,0.06504522937670816,0.06809496159485577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676466284487825,0.0,0.0,0.06546557342621039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054111057157545946,0.05218919253420653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936135758867469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119393755986905,0.0,0.07956378021892448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720390622646663,0.0,0.12930075622518933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851387246959657,0.17665580395070965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hahaohfuck,2019/04/17,i’m not doing too well i’ve attempted suicide 2 times in my life and i’ve never been this close to a third attempt. i just want everything to stop. i feel like such a failure. goodnight.,-0.4269230769230781,1.80982207692308,1.7706410256410263,93.94519230769232,97.46153846153842,4.651282051282052,21.884615384615387,6.42735559955562,0.6002615384615391,147,6,31,2,6,49,32,39,0.29100000000000004,0.616,0.094,-0.8407,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,3,2,3,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581227931308197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014804585312198,0.28466994948073004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814540142380246,0.19467429896970848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073277617276963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331421582831608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43586594882327506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323534299704582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23503032584899655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582760365100745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tearysuns,2019/04/17,"To anyone who's feeling lost or halted; including me 
After passing through many days and many more emotions, I've not come to a single conclusion. And that is simply because there is none. 

There is absolutely no way to base my will, my need -to base me- on any of these fleeting conceptions. The formation of one thing leads itself to its downfall. I'll have nothing to grasp on this way.

A schedule changes, paths leave different trails, people influence you and lastly, we are not a God, Gods. Ruthless? Yes, absolutely. Hopeless? No. Never.

The ""answer"" to something that is of no question, is what lies at the base. When all of you is torn to shreds, what is left then? There's that natural trait, a power, really, that we all possess. 

Kill a mother after meeting her child and then bring her back to life. I am inclined to believe that she will nurture the child the very second she awakens. Even if there's no memory, especially if there's no memory. 

So if I strip out of my skin, if I tear all my creations and forget my entire past, what's there, what makes that bit that's somehow still standing, me? Each answer that is not material is correct, from whomever it is that makes a remark.

I would say I have a passion to dramatize life, add an overflow of colorful paint to anything that strikes my curiosity. I believe I'd be a fast learner, a leader and teacher somehow. I think my instincts would pull me to search, broaden my own and others' insight. 

That's my base, an artistic professor. No matter what, no matter where, that's where it'll come down to. Even if galaxies turn into stars and everything becomes prodigious or perhaps black holes suck us in and all is incredibly compact.

Does this revelation change our current situations? 'Course not, that'd be silly to even consider. Yet it holds that formation up, prevents it from falling apart at its birth. It's a base, a foundation. You can't kill that, despite plenty of failed suicide attempts.

This isn't a thing where I go ""there must be something else, something more.""; it's where I know there is and we can't escape it. Most of the time we'd love to. But we don't. We dream, give it many shots, without realizing that the dream has to be standing upon something else.

Maybe knowing that, ultimately, you're never to be separated from a root that you've been born, not only out of, but into helps stabilize everything that comes along with it. Humanity, society, etc.

Excuse me for being verbose while explaining myself in this, there has been a lot on my mind, obviously. I'm currently in a complicated state. I've just hit the 18 year old mark and it made me stumble off track. There's no getting back, though. Only moving forward.

It's not easy, folks. All of us try to pin our lives down to something at last, something tangible, that we forget all of it will decay. And once we remember, the burden becomes too great to carry, so we destroy that ""something"", usually before we can get to it.

There's nothing to get to. We all end up buried, in fact, some of us might not even make it there. But that's not to say we're any less alive or that we won't be again someday in whatever form.

I wish all of you good luck on your journey. I hope you hold on a little longer. And if not, you held on for as long as you managed to. Well done, to all of us that try to do well.",3.5917129629629616,5.479839436728399,4.531975308641979,83.9438888888889,73.6141975308642,7.3308641975308655,28.049382716049386,8.10692912299908,1.8990234567901239,2617,104,503,41,54,848,314,648,0.092,0.8270000000000001,0.081,0.3451,4,0,7,0,0,2,112.0,18,8,0,6,35,19,4,0,27,1,45,5,1,7,15,115,73,34,3,12,23,1,2,0,0,9,2,2,0,3,55,35,0,5,13,3,0,12,26,9,2,2,6,6,58,10,79,48,22,79,0,3,2,2,44,33,1,18,31,366,113,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996126145515327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051390965942583536,0.0,0.060481950659708614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302965274504735,0.0,0.04480322385305556,0.16234381281354834,0.06254072189563978,0.16561239960580668,0.0,0.0,0.08023992991206964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550062924338284,0.18993404446622916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739962738586733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678895304401957,0.0,0.0,0.06431791354116928,0.07521317495439524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279499467217316,0.0826744813687879,0.06509672283196395,0.0,0.08196882972554483,0.19417688567485988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210912653171086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716240337157887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519779373739725,0.0705052316924947,0.041770164539108826,0.06164598207136478,0.0,0.08103094581580703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049263638100121895,0.0,0.0,0.07299932427665891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626275714265366,0.0,0.08078430128116414,0.1198200896056504,0.0,0.07782294506564237,0.07985494585895518,0.0,0.10382652177697772,0.0,0.0736635240323202,0.06489939283094849,0.06504272791911885,0.0,0.0,0.0802308990312647,0.062484709159323186,0.06633411163548933,0.06954484776629538,0.14717989755309727,0.2235439392858914,0.07383783737041913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796893699941777,0.07421124168634255,0.0,0.0,0.07811591463263293,0.0,0.05449725822295889,0.113371175863583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410451319010107,0.0,0.07712297006207422,0.07827214186386933,0.04980361919268067,0.1117958972337234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016141399752583,0.05095371900106389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233370834767723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047084201889998234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325802416672581,0.0,0.0,0.1168958804850664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826139560159845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960722612806909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058694975772313925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039403088611005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765657587222697,0.04709405164260649,0.0722106466407891,0.0,0.042856820717400185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979957738997736,0.0799438713824015,0.0,0.0,0.35363243040787723,0.0,0.08094680551744991,0.06064290472284506,0.0,0.11667734631276412,0.0,0.0,0.13216565699938404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451817715526891,0.07084869846033186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442063437192746,0.0,0.0,0.047329800737042384
suicidewatch,BornCofnused,2019/04/17,"the 25th of april i will know Hello dear people of reddit, i just made my first account and decided to share this, because i can't share this with some friends, i think. So here it goes ( english is not my first language, please be gentle ).

i already got a history of not being stable, emontionally, being suicidal already, depression, growing up alone, no parents, etc. and i think i really dont care what people think about it.

​

very rare:

i got some weird shit with my collarbones, my collarbones are loose in my sockets. and it hurts so fucking much, my shoulders hurt a lot because of it. the loose collarbones fucks up the rest of the bones,  for almost 2 years now. i had some hospital researches and decided they didnt want to do anything about it, because it can be made worse. mentally broken i left the hospital and asked for a second opinion which i got. they dont reccomend the operation because it can get worse. and the 25th they done with the new researching and than i get to know if they going to something about it, or not. i need them to do something about it, because i cant live with this pain.( opening a door can be painfull  for example ). as far i know there at least 4 high risk operations. i already lost my job, and in 11 days i am homeless because of it.

​

im getting to know on the 25th( the plan )

My choice is: if they not going to do something about it , i had enough and will kill myself ( non-negiotable) , and im already okay with it.

the only hard thing was: i talked a lot about suicide with my therapist, but not on a intens serious tone. now i told her i was done with the pain and had a whole other attitude, like really indifferent. when i talked about it calmly it hit her hard, and even got a little emotional for a split second. and that really hit me so fucking hard. the first person who really cares.

​

but i cant live for another person satisfaction can i ?

i am really lost, and really dont know what to do. and i really dont know what i expect from this post.

​

already thx i guess.",4.114979321753516,5.501482751861044,5.109049627791566,82.35947187758481,71.35732009925559,8.450256410256411,28.56980976013234,8.936278230431713,2.274874673283706,1611,61,314,31,30,528,182,403,0.135,0.78,0.085,-0.9014,3,1,3,0,1,2,76.0,0,0,6,6,17,24,5,1,22,1,35,8,3,2,0,58,69,25,3,5,11,1,3,1,1,2,2,0,1,2,26,23,0,0,11,0,1,3,14,15,0,5,17,3,47,9,43,43,11,26,0,5,0,3,20,12,4,11,11,225,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058689719070388835,0.06070256368537413,0.3233894513648696,0.0,0.0,0.2540168118045792,0.28487157257611306,0.0,0.061457978315278515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823125821027811,0.0,0.0547926905530257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436965918652054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951415266857275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03779877537980438,0.0,0.05048093958367759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995731032057745,0.2747631992721004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592866491250908,0.0,0.0605600763209481,0.06536594386531183,0.038711530503309256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956159691139373,0.0,0.0,0.04528214913682517,0.16255275027184254,0.0918643409215323,0.0,0.06661913411842549,0.0,0.18750394796106684,0.0,0.06456582007673925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575098688044719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061924968078029635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254870122719451,0.0,0.12661829813282555,0.0,0.058161649164215526,0.0,0.06484357981205963,0.0,0.19326402928126893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368022973929661,0.0,0.0,0.028634017354778857,0.058742887911660824,0.10350788422586336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796006628131207,0.09965671109431,0.0,0.11091690903564637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059065366778094215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308529216167768,0.04345877248391638,0.0,0.056606163894560975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044575751339990005,0.12473091901291798,0.0,0.06507976866778767,0.0,0.0,0.08126596285696275,0.10235245394895544,0.0,0.06433647601810286,0.0,0.0,0.05613243719060847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628306779043653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060162599801662275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353631476266215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822024488096195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421742965849396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805104074177985,0.03893805900313605,0.11266528312169034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600462457880427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835961083274568,0.03456985572762572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543627325160002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194577444901049,0.0,0.0,0.28487157257611306,0.03774309220337406
suicidewatch,rtdthrowaway12,2019/04/17,"Time to let go I'm in my mid 40's, married with no children (I always wanted children of my own, but circumstances never allowed it).

I'm facing over a decade in prison. My wife has promised to be there for me, but I don't think it's fair to expect her to be.

This isn't my first rodeo. I spent nearly a decade for a sex offense against an ex-girlfriend. This one isn't a sex-offense, if that matters.

I've long dealt with depression. I've even attempted suicide before. If I try again, I don't want to fail.

I don't see any inherent worth to me or living. 

I've spent time recently trying to make sure that my wife has a support system for after I leave.

I'm just so tired.",1.2476282051282084,2.9242465833333355,3.070277777777779,92.77942307692308,79.69444444444444,5.819658119658119,22.882478632478627,6.67199483983844,0.5005337606837603,524,17,118,5,13,175,87,144,0.2,0.6859999999999999,0.113,-0.9327,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,1,0,6,0,10,3,1,2,2,17,22,6,1,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,7,3,0,2,2,1,15,3,19,17,1,15,0,2,1,1,5,5,0,3,8,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183141518409638,0.0,0.0,0.14967610866075493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872895909856739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957251815928589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453745191716916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872176494088376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508837114141794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330549937521733,0.0,0.22506800597273155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435306101534366,0.19478230406249167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691900987877135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975532511830269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491460153556963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732301164498496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753918610710516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407545788722169,0.2497678080338256,0.2074424228896882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103172145534354,0.0,0.0,0.2566851222632862,0.2529735203365143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988680249182589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596423385434852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lentilsoup14,2019/04/17,"Can anyone tell me how to keep living when everything I try fails I can’t stick to any hobbies or maintain a social life, I don’t have a job, I never finished school, and I have extremely crippling anxiety. Is there anyone who actually found good reasons to live while feeling like an utter drain on society and their loved ones?",8.807142857142857,7.429653523809524,8.707936507936505,70.03428571428573,61.38095238095239,11.574603174603176,38.460317460317455,10.504223727775694,4.0488984126984136,264,11,46,5,3,86,52,63,0.075,0.755,0.17,0.7203,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,2,1,9,10,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,7,3,4,9,0,5,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,5,30,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.2222430744078749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548721846499254,0.0,0.17422179857844608,0.0,0.0,0.3184846229804162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046795802725908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515306055997085,0.16269873600212664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24970704981737846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19101895632971147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259985239343011,0.2024273119641092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086071762327314,0.11126310463133626,0.0,0.4022002365263083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554580116837148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564846048087585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432368890830506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341564267353529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304867873063781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321540115238589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19905630841209526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462168396563672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dahliwah,2019/04/17,"Losing the only thing that kept me going I’ve wanted to kill myself or die for a long time, the last five years of my life I’ve always thought about it but have never been able to go through with any of it. I’ve come close a few times and the only thing stopping me was my future and what I could become, moving past it all after I told my parents, told my girlfriend, tried therapy and medication. But now 4 years later after it all I’m in college and about to lose the scholarship that’s paying for my tuition, nearly all of 60k and I can’t put that burden on my parents especially after my brother failed out of college paying full tuition for a year and a half. So now the better child is going to lose his scholarship. This was the only reason I kept going, my girlfriend and school but now with college out of the picture and costing my family a small fortune I just don’t know what to do but now seems like the right to do it. No one would care or miss me and I know it since I’ve never had friends in school until recently but they won’t care either, I’m just kind of there and honestly I don’t want to be here at all",7.0396032357473,4.969227605932204,7.527272727272727,79.30863636363638,65.3135593220339,9.937750385208012,31.624036979969183,8.00094639256281,2.0960559322033894,889,24,187,8,11,295,124,236,0.13,0.7829999999999999,0.087,-0.8354,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,5,11,14,1,0,13,0,15,2,0,1,6,44,35,19,2,4,10,3,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,14,16,0,3,5,0,7,7,7,7,0,3,9,0,22,7,32,22,7,40,0,5,0,0,11,11,0,3,23,135,36,10,0.11523285744299812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588296850431856,0.0,0.0,0.078362294564294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272656376599782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191409810949907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349751560610007,0.0,0.0,0.0992629032726362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920040600852848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195935131039026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086312825355759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902861981299832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619579537083908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748808359245695,0.11999728851702565,0.1266579297022048,0.09393015874064914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139237505244765,0.05629695351019145,0.0,0.0,0.10197745267050072,0.0,0.38674827616595775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160849807623615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224742910101812,0.0,0.0,0.17774936708073072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808476645316631,0.26291934203048045,0.0,0.0,0.25590490260235804,0.0,0.11000280129894384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158408492590032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847856945670772,0.1137785449294558,0.0,0.0,0.09840823063468424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233243607441924,0.0,0.10490366557265132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532181046034012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963398286081422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177881512917514,0.0,0.15311118033605536,0.0,0.0,0.09148201717465873,0.1343864117062088,0.0,0.0,0.22021986696480575,0.0,0.07823554612037455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593464980053627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185811573530903,0.0,0.0,0.22261854640696424
suicidewatch,deaththeonlyoption,2019/04/17,Goodbye I am tired of all the shitbags in the world. Someone opened a card in my name and bought a bunch of stuff. I am also legally blind and have severe nerve damage. I have no friends or family  just people who like to use me/ steal my meds. I am dirt poor. I have my gun loaded amd on fire so goodbye.,-0.13546875000000114,2.090863890625002,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.78125,3.825,17.375,5.148860815047168,-0.7270874999999997,235,6,53,1,8,76,48,64,0.34700000000000003,0.563,0.09,-0.959,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,1,1,8,8,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,9,2,6,7,2,5,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,36,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601442484794589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066661948438967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251327862775761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892634341880496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613376832381818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255237566081523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674991702378386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756277067877937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723934726583569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373887307670372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809568674554541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZealousidealTrip4,2019/04/17,"I'm tired. I'm going through a lot of things right now and I dunno if I wanna continue. The only person keeping me alive left me and now I feel like there's nothing left. I'm young, yes, but idk I don't see myself past the age of 30",-1.0171069182389942,0.8189978867924559,1.8814150943396264,97.30690251572331,89.0,4.2880503144654085,16.38050314465409,5.46131890053228,-0.7688213836477988,180,4,44,1,6,63,39,53,0.076,0.809,0.115,0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,9,8,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,4,8,1,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,7,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358063542707788,0.1918795911586348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264496503703734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387336915666449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5836441179091791,0.0,0.0,0.13121871473803062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834423446055765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25771779289396884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042735647898649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639799854209355,0.0,0.23452101203717254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937300756761755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140301632891508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784381839781341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087028299649641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwant2dietonight,2019/04/17,"I ruined my life and everything fucking hurts right now. I cheated on my wife. Ruined her life. Had a kid with her and I feel like I’m gonna ruin the kid’s life. My wife is sick now and doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her, and I feel like this is cosmic karma coming back at me. I have a few guns - a 12ga and a .357. Those are the ways I’m thinking of right now. Either that or hanging myself. Afraid of repercussions of my suicide. Will my wife harm herself or our baby? What will my family do? I just want to be selfish right now but I can’t.",-0.39815126050420346,1.6683968739495825,1.90483193277311,96.54531512605044,88.66386554621849,4.408403361344538,16.903361344537814,5.773587663045528,-0.5690100840336139,424,10,98,3,14,143,72,119,0.195,0.765,0.04,-0.9414,0,0,0,1,0,2,15.0,1,0,0,0,6,12,2,1,6,0,11,6,0,0,0,18,21,8,1,1,5,3,2,2,0,3,5,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,10,0,0,1,2,20,2,8,16,2,13,1,4,0,1,10,5,1,2,7,66,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530754115140795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148439258254994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376039977125773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789146336158529,0.0,0.18766899704627052,0.0,0.2013153203889998,0.2844366272670236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840404570349729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21311254702113613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940571666078508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218349918211917,0.19451473931660768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100236372039818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177543513988393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755840896579548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741884472158423,0.15801546202644354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765587438920048,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,randothrowaway211,2019/04/17,"Subhuman with no purpose — Planning on fulfilling wishlist before suicide I’m a worthless excuse of a human being. I’m a  20 year old Filipino American and my personal experiences in addition to my experiences as an Asian man have made me conclude that life is not worth living as life as an Asian man in this world is subpar and the ROI of life satisfaction is not worth being a subhuman in society for several years.

Before I go for good, I would love some advice on fulfilling and even adding to my bucket list.

List:

- Skydiving

- Go around the world on a boat

- Have a reverse gangbang. Just me and 6+ girls going at it overnight or even for days. They obviously would not be attracted to me but they will be attracted to the money I give them. 

- Visit all seven continents

- Go to Coachella

- Eat caviar

- Have a fake date where someone falsifies intimacy but good enough to fool me


Thanks and have a great day!",4.983814847942753,6.678833401162795,6.0351162790697686,75.35925760286226,69.63953488372093,9.710912343470484,31.25402504472272,10.035473477838034,3.3788125223613594,723,31,128,19,13,240,106,172,0.119,0.768,0.114,0.3944,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,3,2,5,10,0,0,13,0,14,5,0,2,2,22,24,11,1,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,3,8,1,0,1,0,3,5,4,3,0,1,1,0,13,7,23,16,3,22,0,1,0,1,12,11,0,2,6,86,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532273715747722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395890936699479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668578627289574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225163501388005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044997068606018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202078413129406,0.0,0.2071355555705971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067694364215013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504209966752944,0.3564620457481669,0.26304005650659024,0.0,0.17287732184635834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33226659594151764,0.0,0.0,0.13846109173614587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415220253342237,0.14837204365575254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645397617285047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691548833827746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714425463850209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285979569707365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151848114443366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436435510610768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22277858704439732,0.0,0.0,0.20195368849676046
suicidewatch,thishomosexual,2019/04/17,"I believe enough is enough As I sit here staring at my empty bank account, while on the phone with my boss who is telling me I’m being transferred for the 4th time in 6 months, it comes to be that this world even with all its beauty can’t be worth going through the system we humans designed.

You wake up, go to work, try your very fucking best to dredge up a tiny grain of confidence, fail, wish you weren’t at work, finally get off work, waste what little time you have before your next shift on the little things that make you content, you wake up...etc

I’ve tried everything. Positive affirmations, confidence boosting, etc but alas at the first sign of negativity it grips your mind and picks about everything. I need my medication. I can’t keep doing this without the one thing that stops me from being my self I guess. 

The call is growing louder by the day but maybe not so consistently. Some days I actually get through it all without wanting to run my car into a tree or jump off the nearest bridge but then like a flash of light it’s all backwards. Everything is out to get me, everyone hates me, I can’t look in the mirror, hell even the sky feels as tho it’s going to rip me from the surface. 

I don’t want to go through this anymore. I need someone to talk me out of this and to reestablish a sense of serenity but I have no one. My best friend can’t handle it and I don’t blame him. My mom is out on the streets with her new boyfriend of the month. My dad ran away to a different state to start his new family. My grandmother is dying whilst her mind crumbles. My grandfather has been gone for years but yet this time of year always seems to drag me back to those traumatizing days of mourning. My aunt and brother whom I live with gets concerned but they don’t know what to do. I need a therapist but that needs money. I just want it to be over. It really can’t be worth all of this. All the sights, people, animals, maybe even alien life can’t possibly be worth going through these same tormenting motions every day. 

I have to admit after typing this all out I feel an ounce better but I have to go right back into all this as soon as I post. Please God or anything at this point release from this destructive pressure that is my life.",3.3501416605075143,4.952707625277164,3.973882113821137,88.88515921409216,73.6341463414634,7.228406011332841,24.94462921901946,7.8897218956490685,1.1982697216063063,1773,56,373,25,36,561,236,451,0.105,0.789,0.106,-0.7567,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,8,1,8,12,12,4,1,22,0,32,6,2,3,7,61,66,22,2,8,14,4,3,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,32,16,0,2,5,0,6,14,15,7,0,3,4,7,51,5,69,55,14,75,1,2,3,1,28,31,2,5,27,253,83,7,0.0,0.0,0.08184967428127314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979052586793705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318123182418215,0.0,0.0,0.06902178729690613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880310532620764,0.1289890382984782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137124971981856,0.09449814113665098,0.1760427882650365,0.07418041609859125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564551567371037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225068567066141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163691457497514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704876684684056,0.08763128050509815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333011252931102,0.18708507475642086,0.1661954792484169,0.0,0.07066810935123538,0.08014593499651974,0.2261436990372956,0.0,0.07906966640821951,0.0,0.0848192054977382,0.0,0.0,0.0918807083464994,0.0,0.07134383463380871,0.0,0.0,0.0648014375333607,0.07754087128085256,0.17528441746533235,0.0,0.28600778057534604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239751284442617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280896854474681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455174742358095,0.0,0.0,0.04609537886211221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848645792177022,0.04097697486349835,0.1681291040332274,0.07406295661459511,0.0,0.07043368054263087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055987058797348534,0.0,0.16852695555798958,0.0,0.0,0.084495004474227,0.0,0.0,0.16937921091643265,0.09823311432058554,0.1338960788743065,0.0,0.0,0.2487683101686363,0.0,0.1620135467745935,0.08920176708200875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367142669964535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814820316667841,0.0,0.0,0.09206930791218086,0.07928876628134322,0.09455619826656772,0.08032884241451306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373232398175599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162859340779079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635643847905886,0.08749967521099444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106681856364103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936699234205683,0.0,0.0,0.07012306153502472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741536122899629,0.07331024397755241,0.0,0.0,0.0973850700500964,0.11144533756725064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672415480220002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389092328863927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920546750214425,0.14841453348661182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645184361124418,0.1617045661408972,0.0,0.1831854896819863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802520102756318
suicidewatch,sad_papi,2019/04/17,"Been self-medicating for the past 5 years and now it's time to give up I dont think I've ever felt like this before, I've planned my own death numerous times, but I've never truly felt that it is what I want. Until now that is, it's all I can think about. I'm sure I've only managed to last this long due to taking psychedelics as often as my tolerance would allow, and smoking weed while taking xanax daily, but I've had enough. People often tell me that things will improve, but I have waited for the longest time and if anything - they worsen. I dont want to hurt anybody who may care - which I'm sure some people will - but that doesn't feel like enough to stop me from killing myself anymore. I am at the lowest I have ever been, to the point where my family members and SO have noticed - despite me attempting to hide how I feel, but their enquiries lasted as long as it took me to dismiss them. I do not feel comfortable discussing my bad thoughts with them, and its not like anything anybody has to say would prevent me from having them. I have recently started to write my suicide note, I'm just not really sure what the best way to go about all this is.",8.631228813559321,5.742377631355938,8.214000000000002,78.20642372881358,62.9406779661017,10.795932203389834,35.46440677966102,8.238735603445708,2.646894576271187,915,28,189,8,10,292,132,236,0.145,0.6920000000000001,0.163,0.0005,1,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,5,3,12,12,1,0,5,0,23,1,0,2,8,46,44,19,3,5,10,0,5,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,17,6,0,3,8,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,7,6,26,9,25,32,7,27,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,5,23,129,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478509663953802,0.0,0.0,0.19049182974002926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663984780148208,0.0,0.0,0.09848803169553834,0.0,0.12146422949354188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180068199880284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712978393927372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918512963683894,0.0,0.0,0.20939077413504456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911138367254812,0.0,0.17556810267955728,0.08268620405267553,0.22226119992714924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103040200301573,0.06577892234631229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390434887720965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805152326153296,0.0,0.0,0.18869057511896534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963728174803894,0.0,0.0,0.2048562937777366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128563419294455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926746944530763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317731873249072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802710886963501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048896392853866,0.16048204561361812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941372831879444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414737514285985,0.0,0.1142813946382014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204279094749092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074428876277267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192287855973579,0.0,0.0,0.09676560707794284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660310949489234,0.0,0.3272567761994042,0.0,0.1740473617984221,0.0,0.1011637271424142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689393125195268,0.14832577272094818,0.0,0.09188632631501784,0.20247050829835012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859377019636173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365354194720329,0.0918707190570818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443978316802266,0.0,0.0,0.07453413989866862
suicidewatch,thislineismine,2019/04/17,"i feel so alone i feel so alone. everyone tells me they are here for me and how much i mean to them, but when it comes down to it, no one actually cares. no one ever reaches out to me or invites me anywhere. i feel like if i just disappeared no one would even notice. last year i attempted to kill myself, but i ended up in the hospital and went to rehab for two months. it really helped me and i’m not actively suicidal anymore, but i just feel utterly hopeless. suicide doesn’t feel like an option anymore because i do care about my mom and a couple close friends and i don’t want to hurt them. i don’t want to die, but i don’t want to live. i wish there was a way i could just erase myself from the world without impacting anyone. (i’m 17 female btw)

my friends say they love me, but i don’t really feel it. i say i love people, but i don’t really feel it. i feel like i will never be loved more than a friend to people. no one has ever loved me more than that. i think i’m just unlovable. and for that i feel like shit. 

i guess i just don’t see any meaning for myself. i am worthless and a waste of space. i lay on my bed for hours with no motivation to do anything. when i’m not at school, i am sleeping. sleep is one of the only things that distracts me from feeling (well, obviously, bc i’m asleep). i swim and i used to dance, but now exercise feels impossible. i feel like i’m just a single speck of dust floating around everyone that no one really pays much attention to. again, i don’t really want to end my life anymore, but i don’t really wish to live any longer. how do i keep going? how to i learn to love myself? i just don’t see any reason why i should.",1.2188186619718309,2.8818297436619744,3.32867517605634,90.95681558098595,79.73239436619718,6.803697183098593,20.952904929577464,7.756953410329674,0.6767200704225353,1289,35,296,21,32,439,163,355,0.198,0.612,0.191,-0.7039,0,2,0,0,0,6,43.0,0,0,4,2,24,23,2,1,9,0,24,12,4,6,4,72,66,25,4,10,20,1,12,5,3,3,3,2,1,0,10,13,0,1,19,3,1,6,20,7,1,7,2,16,56,16,38,59,5,30,0,3,2,5,17,10,1,4,18,198,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.06712605448087933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248488756032698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033227445330002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465424993734696,0.04809737313629468,0.0,0.05660572623096965,0.06123489065280886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041931832489331466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026557999355435,0.0,0.0,0.059253790625277324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492071189974694,0.07611135422128258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138990249092891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184948504361667,0.0,0.0,0.04543307346655925,0.12444330921861525,0.0,0.13145758846906716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173684496067988,0.24570673902767906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943367635241404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039093158747911694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577648335873409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046106383491608456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774120280293572,0.0,0.07363775822765431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114092332246492,0.07610247094684518,0.0,0.0,0.05607047321727682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048586194749970425,0.1680289305548369,0.0,0.12148011838487632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31041414190981864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498581160930965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056234116522018,0.05490501681415493,0.0,0.1011325162637181,0.0,0.0530526683863408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831429806176664,0.0,0.0,0.2796705465927111,0.05231550804439823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537629778020372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643997502975164,0.07072435035360712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109404146792406,0.0,0.06961597648463128,0.10962844595986587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060872513150734,0.0,0.0,0.13767307767365078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504833244730268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012274910628019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569893446045668,0.044075843541937984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671947688448323,0.0,0.0,0.05940976298205201,0.0,0.0,0.16228909315453796,0.05459980912236158,0.0,0.0,0.061847649717316634,0.06376611002345557,0.06206944365164585,0.0,0.1582029926418645,0.0663080800986419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886421302263917,0.0,0.0,0.044296483725551096
suicidewatch,woodrow_skrillson,2019/04/17,"I'm a 30 yo bipolar grad student and I'm struggling I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore.  I'm 30 yrs old about halfway through a PhD and I'm realizing that I just don't want to do it anymore.  But there's nothing else for me out there, this is all I have.  But I hate doing research now, and all I wish I could do is to go back in time and re-do everything with some actual fucking guidance.  My parents did nothing for me -- how did everyone else figure it out?  Even the people in my college cohort who were idiots have high paying bay area jobs now.

​

I just want to put a bullet in my head.  Life feels so dark and meaningless and I know I'm now never going to meet the life goals I wanted to because I'm too old to change course.

​

I just have zero resilience.  I'm the type of person that, when I play an RPG video game, if I get to a certain point in a game and I don't like my team / stats I just scrap everything and start all over again.  But you can't do that with life, and now I have the shitty team that's going to be single and poor.

Fuck all of this, life is shit and it's not worth it anymore.",1.6317755102040827,2.927372044897961,3.2993367346938776,93.22655612244898,77.53061224489795,5.879591836734692,22.45408163265306,6.2581,0.24777142857142875,881,25,204,6,20,293,125,245,0.127,0.8420000000000001,0.031,-0.9661,2,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,0,3,18,9,5,1,10,0,21,10,2,1,6,43,44,18,0,6,9,1,1,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,12,16,0,0,5,6,3,4,6,6,0,1,3,1,23,3,24,39,6,26,0,0,0,2,9,10,3,2,13,131,35,11,0.0,0.0,0.10789112246029184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23958456219997185,0.2686862751878503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289389926574489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501421813403895,0.0,0.06739666898461276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116958374138299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827358168160852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847182612579636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730241830990417,0.0,0.0,0.10564531824144972,0.19872933920795996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055902722690705314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442284498997185,0.0577633103497273,0.0,0.1885022802449383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915562761275246,0.11346699389804238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681326334916632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971425987786318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152234469682095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904608373148032,0.054014287190163185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852710916198179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21217160840480814,0.0,0.23202934241658715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276437747232816,0.0,0.0,0.07664874617756935,0.09653718466602378,0.0,0.0,0.10451543109613946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114386321269558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134887886505906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782553076370829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558186450210894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446873039977741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956343839837948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713914578109178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686862751878503,0.0
suicidewatch,canijustdieyet,2019/04/17,"All my failures, are all my fault and I don’t know whether I should just give up now at trying to have the life I want I’m suppose to be graduating college in two weeks. I have one class I’m taking now that is required for me to graduate and I’m failing it. I’m failing it as I’ve failed so many other classes I’ve had by not going to class. People are always saying going to class is the easiest part of college but for me it’s the hardest, and it’s killing me. My GPA is 2.9 and I need a 3.0 to get into any of the masters programs I want. If I fail this class I don’t think I’ll have a 3.0. My GPA is so low because I don’t go to class because I never have any motivation to go and can’t ever seem to motivate myself. I am mentally ill and have struggled going to class partially for that reason. But mainly it’s because I have no motivation. I never have motivation to do anything and I’m sick of it. No one even seems to understand that it’s hard for me because it’s easy for everyone else to go to class. IVe never met another person to struggles with it and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one. I feel stupid and lazy and like a waste of space because I can’t do this one simple thing. Without going to grad school I can’t get my dream job or any job even related to what I want to do and if I can’t work my dream job I don’t want to live. Everything feels like my fault and that I could have easily done things differently but I didn’t and now I’m here contemplating whether I just give up on life now so I don’t have to experience the heart break of being rejected from grad school and the realization that I’ll never get to be what I want to be. I don’t know how to cope with the fact that all my failures are my fault and that I can’t change them. I want to sleep to be free from all the guilt but I know I’ll just end up waking up and the guilt will once again consume me. All I ever feel is guilty, nothing seems to be worth anything anymore and I don’t know if anything or anyone can even help me. I don’t know what I want out of this post I just need to let it all out before everything ends.",1.632199521335593,2.814281295896329,3.740810227073727,90.53076002568446,77.2937365010799,6.819660265016638,23.09666686124569,7.432916251226849,0.7272378611873207,1652,49,388,21,37,567,176,463,0.185,0.7120000000000001,0.103,-0.9927,4,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,11,19,19,2,4,13,0,49,7,3,6,14,84,93,33,1,14,17,0,4,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,26,22,0,1,18,2,2,7,22,15,0,5,4,5,51,5,55,79,8,35,0,6,0,0,7,12,0,8,16,260,77,32,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469590099578046,0.0,0.0,0.15862209931596175,0.08152976192373221,0.0,0.0,0.07710910144147083,0.054366013293692436,0.0,0.1919498382615261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369845184771249,0.0,0.06616123389807886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225131714850868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207865333476122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123430189391807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956730126458297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495182752747697,0.0,0.13773040587765412,0.0,0.0,0.15406340814436528,0.14066228906345454,0.0,0.07429537764998025,0.13975698641791326,0.07605638532929157,0.0,0.0,0.11794125749545598,0.0555460515586806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186664856092667,0.14917362587625008,0.3093178139918661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965052900801555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921365063425294,0.05211553343517945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23147061810872915,0.0,0.08602107926881604,0.0,0.2136523568305902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950669819806015,0.10983708828262688,0.07597140946872871,0.0,0.06865644941062063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882833459172105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783557387236538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530426060990387,0.23986857382705354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460515068453939,0.0,0.0,0.08280335321681201,0.2107470971554309,0.05913390732895935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419785007183052,0.0,0.05390345391969971,0.06789005619383989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446493304533981,0.07910174663479981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994201597281198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061831519177215875,0.0,0.15737837042750452,0.0,0.2123475295305558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780816168254734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256656547803108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328034937210509,0.0,0.05845983524620797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330996128809232,0.04982034859037854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05278851108918888,0.0,0.0759524160692276,0.08094258459716469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210210503389264,0.0,0.062367972581863225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495016315977758,0.0,0.056604389382571216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mirigodia,2019/04/17,"Is it better to run away or kill myself? Quite the title, i know, but I have no one else to ask and im going off the fact that im atleast somewhat annonymous here since my family doesnt know about this account or check reddit ever.

I have 0 friends and a somewhat complete family, a mourning mother, 2 screaming 10yo, a lonely father and a suicidal teen, the works. The issue on the table is that I have little reason to be sad, my past is a big bleh, my entire childhood was crampted houses and foster care, my older sister died from an od and Im constantly getting bullied at school, which is nothing comparred to some of the other stories here. 

To clarify: by ""running away"" I more or less mean moving in with my biological mother who lives a province and a half away (Canadian here), it may seem cowardly but it seems like an alternative to sticking it out or ending it all, HOWEVER my Dad straight up hates my bio mom, so moving in with her even for a short amount of time would be unfairly cruel to him and would just give bio mom more government money than she needs.

Of course like most people im extremely hesitant about suicide, not because of afterlife or simply being dead but the affect it might on my family and how they think of me, I want to be a vetrinarian if I get older but getting past highscool and life is getting more difficult than its worth, pretty cringy I know, and I guess a therapist could help with the emotional stuff but i doubt anything near here could help with the bullying.

Just needed to put my thoughts on the internet, might just be going through one of those things, but thanks for reading I suppose.",7.19412878084988,6.706901643533122,7.465318240861016,74.75239933197255,64.11041009463722,10.361031731304507,34.10447207274077,9.773937934552695,3.2067945444423818,1299,49,237,23,17,424,189,317,0.205,0.688,0.107,-0.9927,1,2,0,0,0,2,31.0,0,0,1,3,13,15,3,1,22,0,22,1,0,3,3,61,45,24,7,8,16,7,0,2,1,5,1,1,0,0,16,15,0,0,9,1,4,7,3,9,0,3,2,1,26,6,41,31,10,33,0,3,0,0,17,17,0,17,11,174,42,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605920464353524,0.0,0.08640638080750684,0.0,0.26051345883450144,0.0,0.0,0.05634238867232477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174380394287838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423506386653388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690751644878258,0.09988030382212856,0.0,0.1475902154671442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959242035140404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721055229783189,0.10396746845362204,0.0818625211239788,0.0,0.0,0.061046888052947564,0.08360513814235765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26139467727352256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140855071375524,0.0,0.19315630471099346,0.0886640028512129,0.1050563170671891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181830423714484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091252118085144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239031840366335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664787028166113,0.0,0.0,0.39934629145745454,0.09646934212243337,0.0,0.0,0.10225632276152917,0.0,0.1523857027454215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652836307454147,0.09030992209486076,0.09263572004582583,0.08161436836491869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006796474345334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610000241041148,0.0,0.2164977998249001,0.0,0.1964696664758326,0.0,0.1370662840890451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868580158394218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125261292760793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764632683671888,0.06407695682065456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403106545096622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291424686141518,0.0,0.09830705073454617,0.09245159748617716,0.0,0.0,0.09502992356068464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935406389858697,0.0,0.16828338435074314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645622666825122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580632757587093,0.2021993662766828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509398206137361,0.0,0.10731438958981168,0.06140411650116265,0.05922322399175545,0.0,0.0733763847685694,0.053894685302991296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054515594841451916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728765506807323,0.0,0.0,0.13131438903793555,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meowsthecorgi,2019/04/17,"dont be that ms. perfect. 

when i was young i've always wanted to grow up.
my young mind thought that adulthood is fun.
filled with travels and good company.

im a successful person, one might view me as. 
lots of friends, a boyfriend, a degree.
great in sports and does regular volunteer work.
have a good job too.

however, i changed alot from who i really was.
ever since young, i have this bad habit.
finding out what people hates about me.
i kicked those habits really fast.
but now i spend every possible moment crying.
being this person that i dont recognise.
constantly making everyone happy.
except for myself. 

felt like there is no where i can hide myself.
felt like there is no where i can take a breather.

people say drinking and getting wasted helps.
but my body doesn't let that happen at all.
it just cannot let go.
i can never get drunk. 
was always sober.
am the one taking care of people.
what is with this persona im trying to give off. 

there was this once that i almost lose myself.
through an emotional breakdown.
nobody in my life knows about it. 
but that was one of the best feelings i ever had.
it felt like an out of body experience. 
my mind went straight to dark thoughts. 
picturing it. 
it made me feel like i was free for once.

but responsibilities pulled me back. 

one day i will throw away all these worries.
one day i will live my life like its mine.
just not today....
just not in this life time....",1.1483119617224882,3.779844789090909,2.121822966507178,92.73978708133973,90.2,4.931100478468898,18.50956937799043,6.5966054737557815,0.15427272727272712,1107,31,221,14,38,347,161,275,0.08900000000000001,0.711,0.2,0.9862,2,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,0,5,16,19,1,0,10,0,28,7,2,2,6,41,49,9,0,1,10,0,5,5,1,3,3,1,0,2,22,7,2,0,9,4,2,7,9,3,0,5,14,7,28,17,26,28,5,35,0,1,1,0,7,12,0,4,21,149,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109321013647892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15138848161537427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546921171281631,0.06995023468509648,0.07595606323378196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546729331575562,0.0,0.0,0.20209409322623306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274987166205728,0.0,0.09623408764945904,0.0,0.0,0.0983061397845525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992615899257637,0.117336114164885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960836890844418,0.0,0.21323208089517648,0.08911586534851104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232888863703507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457495787289605,0.07664606076730934,0.08692563393007614,0.0,0.08898601391227429,0.0,0.0,0.0919942253796959,0.064988911783966,0.26203609805080674,0.0,0.08314483676373681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028311588619203,0.0,0.09505603189294484,0.08726661338226939,0.051700288223238536,0.1526024652313784,0.0,0.10029463134521396,0.0,0.0,0.0804443784824148,0.09683914572866707,0.0,0.08981393861286201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060975203636484336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652619609754074,0.0,0.09027358476270424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049994675700147866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604576384586044,0.1927641832507116,0.2222164802682172,0.0,0.08032808469623529,0.0,0.0,0.10177204427689143,0.0,0.07733935235178667,0.0,0.08607791502933419,0.06072311188398138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650468366135452,0.18370732444666507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701615918087518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375994032407495,0.30821777879414364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892012148480596,0.15886280839706032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255488911192172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655528941931224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234291245763093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525123791807424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679608069737806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443987176470666,0.05304527784051968,0.0,0.08622882445110168,0.0,0.0,0.0617625878728381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365640153103403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843300048570135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622716763734199,0.0923843450366766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chronically_suicidal,2019/04/17,"chronically suicidal & broken i've been lurking /r/suicidewatch for a while now, too messed up to post or help anyone else going through hell.. thank you to everyone who's been brave enough to reach out and those supporting each other, although i'm still planning to ctb, it's somehow comforting to know others can relate.

warning long rant to follow..

i guess the main reason i want to die & think i should is because of how fked my mental health has become; last year everything in my life imploded, during a manic/ slightly delusional phase i quit my job, my debt grew into a mountain and i was facing eviction.

i could deal with these things until suddenly i couldn't, November i sank into severe depression and was barely functioning, i put job interviews on hold, went to see a Dr and tried to sort myself out..

it hasn't gone well..

since then i tried to end my life 4 times and been in psych ward twice for suicidal idealation. completely unable to get my shit together enough to even consider work etc, developed crippling anxiety to go alongside the depression, ended up moving to another city to live with my sister and now my mind is such a mess i can barely string a coherent sentence together..

i've slowly isolated myself and ghosted all my old friends and other family as i feel completely unable to interact with people like i used to (they're better off without me in their lives & i'll be gone soon anyway), i have zero self esteem left, i feel like a failure and a waste of space, i should die, i need to die.. 

i've been here for almost 2 months now and haven't improved much, i'm a horrible person and lying constantly to hide how suicidal i still am.

my suicide now feels inevitable, the only reason i'm still alive is because i don't want family to find my body and i can't find a good enough jump spot near by, but i can't keep stalling forever, it's getting more and more tempting to jump from the 4th floor i have access to (i know not great odds)",6.603366477272727,6.605355671875002,6.981335227272727,76.09832386363638,65.19791666666666,10.523484848484847,32.03787878787879,10.230975488527342,3.178608333333333,1574,56,290,34,22,513,229,384,0.159,0.774,0.067,-0.9837,6,0,0,0,0,4,48.0,0,1,1,5,17,18,2,0,14,0,25,8,3,5,1,54,51,22,8,8,4,1,3,2,1,2,5,0,0,2,10,21,0,2,10,0,1,11,8,6,1,2,9,4,39,12,48,37,10,48,1,2,1,0,11,15,2,5,23,184,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347690223942293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27097424687894645,0.0,0.0,0.08741431598103383,0.06377315400882681,0.0,0.0,0.05828997598606463,0.08541616527979076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163571727414768,0.09206887608378916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372859353523165,0.0,0.092598497945871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481092256860975,0.0900867584755789,0.0,0.06655928939616194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594451863241452,0.14360240687221096,0.0,0.25955569486414914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963983999295571,0.0,0.14767134032413662,0.25841157450043395,0.09297278283591706,0.05506106859171536,0.0,0.0,0.07965777728997829,0.07492209644081144,0.0,0.15717612820693486,0.0,0.12645387532901936,0.05955518558966779,0.0,0.0,0.1523861855310727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644067410197041,0.0,0.08710839226882401,0.0,0.0947552490310798,0.069921682705709,0.0,0.09190899215649274,0.09183473248679196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861192560230466,0.0,0.0,0.05587706378297204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545161156903335,0.07409766313293621,0.0,0.0,0.09162923668317688,0.06795270353124595,0.0,0.0,0.0905751194030385,0.0,0.1177647734401078,0.08145477965502135,0.0,0.14722369896112458,0.07377442667081681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401120207028387,0.0,0.0841737728889141,0.0,0.06654026827083635,0.08860263092063493,0.0612820572104591,0.06181327427610012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747638793002786,0.0,0.0,0.06340200116470786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779403057516039,0.07279014048452645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983957064441141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380374303677449,0.0,0.08866776728814328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142394334342104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643023377058442,0.0,0.08696672689894372,0.09417747646858753,0.08557184361522642,0.06895947811775567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972355056100505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647462968499097,0.0946003638637028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675027724525038,0.0,0.0,0.05538326978357666,0.05341621993252648,0.0,0.0,0.0486101594830375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319722956716875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199964222055193,0.0,0.0,0.0983403741818881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495415615736582,0.07727916889471782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035982309635227,0.0,0.06068991080864729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053683617300942496
suicidewatch,sociallyawakward4996,2019/04/17,My mom is making me depressed I love my mom but she is always nitpicking everything I do . I'm never good enough for her or doing something wrong. Today I came home from work and was having a great day . My mom picked me up and I went in the car . She asked if I could buy her and my grandfather a meal from my job but I said I couldn't because I used my discount for the day . ( I never go on break from work and I worked 6 hours without anything to eat or drink and the discount is 50% off one meal when you are working and I already clocked out). I tired to tell her this but she started yelling at me saying that I never do anything for the family . I always buy things for myself but never for them. And I rather spend time with friends instead of family and I'm self centered for doing so . So I just did say anything . ( I try not to argue because she will deny saying anything mean towards me). So I sat in the car and listened to music as she sighed and said she doesn't see why I am upset she didn't do anything wrong and it was just my job . I said that I had a great day until I came into the car. Then we made it back to my house. I am trying to rest because I just feel mentally overwhelmed and am having suicidal thoughts . I know that they will go away. But if I'm going to constantly be blamed or made to be seen as a bad person I rather just end my life .,1.3542321000798516,3.042563567474048,3.035657439446368,93.09613721054032,79.41522491349481,5.553420282140006,21.842028214000525,6.297961479604792,0.24006670215597525,1057,31,236,8,26,350,144,289,0.132,0.795,0.07400000000000001,-0.9593,2,0,2,0,1,1,22.0,1,1,2,4,12,13,1,2,10,0,26,7,0,5,4,51,53,30,1,6,18,3,1,0,1,2,2,8,1,2,7,18,4,0,4,1,5,9,9,7,1,1,16,11,54,5,33,31,2,39,0,2,2,1,31,11,0,5,18,173,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488889289221326,0.0,0.14309629564049348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35380024572973195,0.0,0.08038632248545635,0.0,0.0807877023199831,0.06611876515183926,0.07179562912721278,0.15725079732841687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966926492848377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292149767130896,0.0,0.06865369516326911,0.0,0.0,0.16636368007676675,0.0,0.07406055530007663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423461334771654,0.0,0.08798626057983146,0.0,0.0,0.07615904012002002,0.08884765058522495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727965272323235,0.0,0.1621219530850947,0.0,0.04347765672687174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664334130448418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660533580924592,0.07212189212550968,0.0,0.18960214231611056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625206302210768,0.0,0.08467996364860246,0.09921755792488787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065783916838234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725625634197803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073522516599179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760670659894574,0.16272612877443626,0.05739705080362286,0.0,0.0,0.09366514985073092,0.0,0.0,0.08665476313762531,0.0,0.0,0.3021211244726306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26527418141574577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058267078083308985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508061100190133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24538024256339386,0.2051411575980863,0.0,0.0,0.06852057857416659,0.0,0.08970328878258192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619706343999537,0.0,0.0,0.0608621054349206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405592105566006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515650738568247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712600232607076,0.0,0.0,0.0682641452367219,0.05013976413003577,0.09882951165208094,0.08150570786314014,0.0,0.0,0.11675918061227265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426523831186282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971089463095557,0.07758997500237133,0.0,0.0,0.08288848706592909,0.0,0.2503985047883112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880267706003732,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,honeybunchh,2019/04/17,. my boyfriend cut himself then took mirtazapine and is asleep i’m trying to wake him up because i’m alone and i’m scared of what i’m going to do to myself now i’m alone. there’s 9 pills next to me and a bridge a five minute drive away and i’m fighting every cell in my body not to do it. i’ve begged my boyfriend to wake up and i’m so scared and he only keeps drifting in and out of sleep i’m going to kill myself he’s better off without me everyone is he won’t even notice i’m gone until he wakes up tomorrow morning i could just go and do it,-0.6683640552995413,1.2485025322580692,1.8529953917050719,97.55306451612906,88.19354838709677,4.510599078341015,17.72811059907834,5.773587663045528,-0.5443276497695848,430,11,105,3,14,147,71,124,0.158,0.818,0.024,-0.9349,0,2,0,0,2,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,2,2,0,7,7,6,0,0,14,22,11,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,5,0,1,2,0,10,1,19,18,0,20,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,5,57,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076496392496364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18489950802537544,0.0,0.0,0.11996708338710588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405307043383275,0.0,0.2185997604489522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571283016508398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998414306081096,0.0,0.16581197654632668,0.1880502537272712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355368909695983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492434294296538,0.21772937017164296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929838716612514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405741338323304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967480654698173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940610487815318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694151923406306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865136688508024,0.13361386964037422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970759211290306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,serindipitous275,2019/04/17,"Should I tell my parents I’m suicidal? Well, *parent.* Just my mom. I’ve been really depressed and anxious over the past several months, and this month I’ve been very hopeless and suicidal. I want to tell my mom, because we’ve always been really close, but I’m not sure she could take it. On top of her having lost several family members already (my dad died of lung cancer a while back), my brother is also very depressed and suicidal, and he takes it out on her, emotionally. Could she stand knowing that 2 out of her 3 children want to kill them selves? Wouldn’t that really fuck someone up to know? I’m really suffering, and while I did finally set up an appointment with a psychiatrist, it’s a month away, and I’ve been in a very bad place today. What’s the best thing to do here?",1.7566968325791876,4.1928143076923075,3.570874811463049,85.80549773755658,82.2051282051282,7.516742081447965,23.2790346907994,8.4952907291091,1.7707161387631982,616,22,123,15,17,206,96,156,0.32299999999999995,0.613,0.064,-0.9952,2,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,3,5,11,2,0,7,0,12,3,1,0,1,23,23,11,5,6,3,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,6,0,14,3,17,13,1,23,0,5,0,1,16,12,1,0,9,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409168933591545,0.08992645488525698,0.09356764802763128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703681801895322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565074744671654,0.08646733052114353,0.09389129363592562,0.06854865199052264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180096398854707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956481000659125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19370653698704213,0.0,0.11670564559116535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264914388846928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600812394143944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231837942497054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395847948605147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440958305081028,0.0,0.12359947518469447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275277320709688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634008370362293,0.26927024172517666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497254750113859,0.0,0.1073465241486496,0.0,0.0,0.1174866173959956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881541364250625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25407363603790645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952787643180837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36900709177101626,0.0,0.10598306587983343,0.0,0.16909724430384726,0.0,0.19657301675277267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470697483742357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065897247926122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27834979365601314,0.1326521869910925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110631387222914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lawrenciumexchange,2019/04/17,"Here we go again I am actively trying to ruin my life.  There is no other explanation.  I think I’m trying to self destruct.  But I don’t know why.  I have every chance of succeeding.  I thought it was because I fear change.  But that’s not it exactly.  Sometimes I shake things up just to make something change.  Is that it?  I’m trying to propel myself to some decision point?  Like making myself choose life or death?  Because of the whole ambivalence thing again?  Can I not force myself to do the right thing even though I don’t want to?  I do know what the right thing is.  Theoretically.  I know what OTHER people would say is the right thing.  And I’m inclined to believe them.  

Why am I doing this to myself?  I actually LIKE working.  But I refuse to do it.  And I LIKE banging on the drums but now I’ve made it an insurmountable chore instead of fun.  

I think I’m not allowed to have fun.  I think I have to force myself to stay miserable.  I know I will feel better if I get up, eat something, take a shower, etc.  But I refuse to do it.  How perverse is that?  

It’s like I don’t want to get better.  I don’t want to be ok.

Why not?  What would happen if I get better, live a healthier life, be happy sometimes?

I have everything to gain.

Am I just stubbornly self destructive?

Maybe I don’t want to be here.  Maybe getting better means I have to be here and face this daily grind.  Maybe I really want to not exist.  If that’s the case, what’s stopping me?  Why prolong it?

It’s because not all of me agrees.  Part of me is getting help.  Part of me is resisting it.

Dr F said this.

What would I lose if I got better?  

Is it giving up the idea of killing myself?  Is it that I refuse to give up that idea?  That belief that I shouldn’t be here?  Which is why I’m mad at myself for being “overdue”.  I’ve lived longer than I was supposed to.  

Dr F said that I think the honorable thing is to kill myself.  I said I don’t know if it’s honorable or not, I think it’s the “right” thing.

So that’s the belief.  It’s wrong to be here.  It’s wrong to live.  It’s wrong to get better, be happy.  It’s wrong to want to live.

Please let us agree.  Please let us choose one thing.  It hurts so bad to sit on the fence.  Fighting with myself, tearing myself apart.

I said it to Dr F.  I need him to nudge me towards one end or the other.  I have to be good and perfect and strong, or I have to kill myself.  There is no in-between.  I can’t just be “good enough”.  It’s not enough.  It’s all or nothing.  

It’s like making a clay pot.  It’s broken, it’s defective, it will never hold water, will never serve its purpose, will never be right.  It’s wrong.  You have to destroy it and start again.  Make a new one.  Leave no traces of the old one.  

It’s like making a drawing.  It’s not coming out right at all.  Destroy it.  Take your marker and cross it all out.

Like the urge to take the razor and put diagonal lines through each of the letters on my arm.  I will NEVER be good and perfect and strong.  I can carve it all I like into my arm.  But I will never achieve it.  It’s a lie.  It will always be a reminder of my failure.  The right thing to do would be to take the blade and slash through it.  Obliterate the letters, erase all traces.  Black it out.  Remove the patch of skin.  Burn it unrecognizable.

I don’t want to live this life.  I don’t want to “do the hard work”.  I don’t wipe to brush my teeth and wipe my ass and have the accumulation of these things be called living.

What do I want?????

Do I really want to die?  If it’s that simple wouldn’t I have done it already?

Why can’t it be that simple?  Why can’t I choose?  Why do I hamstring myself at every turn?  How does it help to neither succeed in living or dying?

Please, please, please stop fighting.  Let me be one thing.  I’m so very tired.  I’m exhausted.  Please help me kill myself.  Please.  I think it’s the better choice.  If I choose death, that’s it, no more.  But if I choose life, I’m going to have to keep fighting every single day to stick to it, and I can’t do that.  I don’t have it in me to do that.

Why can’t I give up the idea of killing myself?  Why hang onto it.  Because it’s my “out”?  Because I’m too lazy, or too fearful, or too weak to tackle the challenge of living?

Living is easy.  Just do what they say.

But I don’t want this.  I don’t want to be here.

Why not?

It’s not right.  It feels all wrong.  It doesn’t feel good.  It doesn’t feel right.

But what if therapy can help you fix that?  What if that’s just a belief, an erroneous belief?  What if your brain is lying to you every time it tells you to kill yourself?

Why would it do that?  

Can that be removed?  Like permanently gone?  

Can I just go get myself hypnotized?  Replace one belief with another belief?

Please help me.  Help me not have ambivalence.  Help me choose one thing.  Help me be one thing.  

What if I roll the dice?  What if I can’t choose logically but I can let the dice choose for me and promise to do what it says?  Do I have the courage to do that?  To commit to whatever it says?  Like Russian roulette?

And if that’s true, why let the dice dictate?  Why won’t I listen to the people around me?  M, Dr F, Ben, my sister, my friends....

Because they’re selfish.  Because they all have their own agenda.  Because they believe in life at all costs.  Because they can’t be fair.

Dice can’t think well enough to make the right decision either, but dice is fair at least.  Unloaded dice is the definition of “fair”.

What would happen if I tried now?  What would happen if I slashed my wrists open and sat here bleeding?  I think I’d get scared and probably chicken out and call M, and I’d end up in the hospital and my life would go to hell.

What about hanging myself?  That’s my chosen method after all.  No way to change your course of action if you’ve done it right.  Even if you get scared and suddenly decide you want to live you won’t be able to.  It’s a final decision.  The moment you let go.  

How do I work myself up to this?

Am I serious?

Why do I want to work my way up to this?

Seriously, stop joking around.

Think about the people you’ll lave behind.  You’ll ruin their lives forever.  All of their lives for your own pitiful life.  How is that fair?

It’s not fair.  Life’s not fair.  Why should death be fair?

I know what to do.  If I’m sitting around thinking about killing myself and it’s been hours perhaps it’s time I did something about it.  Call someone.  Talk to somebody.  Go take a walk.  Get some sun.  Go get some dessert.  Take a shower at least.  You don’t want to die dirty, do you?  Just stall.  Buy some time.  Sit on it.  Don’t act now.  Let it pass.  You can revisit it next time.  Just say, Not today.  Or maybe just Not now.  Find your emergency list.  Do something on it.  

It will pass, it will pass, it will pass.  It’ll come back for sure.  But not right now.  I’ll be better prepared next time.  Postpone the inevitable.  There will be a more “right” time.  Not now.

Do something else.  Do something.  Do nothing.  Don’t act on it.  Just breathe.  Take 5 minutes and just breathe.  Decide what to do next after that.  Right now just breathe.  I don’t have to do anything else.  All I have to do is breathe.",-0.7338239742862562,1.4408821178861793,1.1738452133358557,98.87422404991491,96.0460704607046,3.9655587067498574,16.079208419991176,5.742656918730078,-0.7114547261612154,5410,136,1250,45,215,1762,392,1476,0.16899999999999998,0.6729999999999999,0.157,-0.9931,3,0,7,0,7,9,245.0,3,18,8,24,55,84,17,6,50,1,165,32,12,12,23,233,264,72,13,46,71,1,6,10,1,27,17,10,3,2,140,40,3,10,46,2,2,25,59,41,1,8,15,18,155,43,138,190,33,124,7,6,1,1,68,52,2,32,51,826,295,8,0.02530584132360364,0.0,0.02469485072034032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027925625170204325,0.0,0.02105648718992003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02653538108475009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02082455121190576,0.06758269178377911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019458629941487605,0.0211293204795108,0.13883585391487366,0.0,0.0,0.05702203482691605,0.0,0.1790476815467612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028249688061345632,0.07752028006222922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803106740566723,0.04359748313592096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016320174153705125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879040405042648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022145312275340882,0.051793323348985315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02589419328425877,0.04227956650247175,0.0,0.04482692848213767,0.07844309629520027,0.02822270237287045,0.03342853905833311,0.0,0.08528505098849115,0.0,0.022743258451586833,0.0,0.0,0.05695221386345468,0.05118157491467865,0.0,0.0,0.027721312230256024,0.023129080515803518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019551230232762624,0.0,0.14543383394649695,0.07282700667254129,0.1006732495828227,0.08490135629891704,0.020239393039085483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713361572591495,0.05387707729836685,0.022669063252153884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569577611976086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024921156230198305,0.0,0.027090426524776938,0.08570164385026804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022492994501592912,0.19598014836574248,0.0,0.08344457151916859,0.0,0.0,0.0267952320866598,0.0,0.18113856093613045,0.1608683769854972,0.12363155823293878,0.0,0.2681462581589668,0.0,0.0,0.028310763457590687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023944998930039228,0.10135107351950226,0.0,0.10169247578325843,0.02756547986299856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018763960692300984,0.09758712442197763,0.02444053924101473,0.0807391480084889,0.0,0.0,0.048563274504624776,0.0,0.026554223568418172,0.0,0.13718314400955905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548075202344562,0.0,0.05263165221363693,0.0,0.0,0.2222257165743227,0.023922199621577617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027283977034534886,0.0,0.0,0.02543936005049527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032423139890002416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30255470310225474,0.09628660031240213,0.10062110361313738,0.050671123609279126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527990229988771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021441557232930352,0.1168900378947458,0.05005624827546231,0.0,0.01791160473729714,0.026972659801634567,0.0,0.06347044940129498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02385045596516591,0.0,0.1331879032717743,0.02033987668768016,0.022118420716936114,0.0,0.02893943497948064,0.0,0.21855699479125013,0.16214961315077375,0.02486286061566633,0.020090011321035453,0.08853623747987073,0.029085341961839175,0.02398697864041585,0.0,0.0,0.06872402055870296,0.02752548860481558,0.0,0.0,0.06087962257246929,0.0,0.0,0.02087996933407261,0.22389061296603,0.04017319790543816,0.0,0.0,0.02275299045928708,0.0,0.3653533715636053,0.02825306811410977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369181549879596,0.0,0.0,0.14381234892984301,0.1660077894590201,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Caspiir,2019/04/17,"I know I need to be hospitalized This won't be terribly long, I don't think. 

I haven't been suicidal in years. I had one attempt, some gross trauma, shitty childhood, whatever - I got help. I've been doing good. 

But see, the coping methods I have - they're all physical. I run, or swim, or lift weights. I can't find anything else that gets the buzzing energy, the self-hatred out...

And my health is failing. My body is shutting down. I am 24, and one by one, my organs are just...not. I can't eat. It hurts to breathe. I keep distending, expanding, and for someone with an eating disorder lemme tell you, havoc. There's nowhere to put my energy. I'm so violently fatigued. I'm so angry the medical system is taking this long. Years of progress have been lost. I've gone from 160 to 119. I'm too scared to even drink anything. 

I'm in so much pain. I'm always in pain, now. And I don't think I can last like this. I hate myself so much, but mostly...I just want to be able to fucking WALK. I just want to do shit I love. I don't like anything else. I need contact, kinetic energy. I feel empty otherwise.

The worst thing is I'm so imbalanced now it feels like there's cotton in my brain. I can't even focus on other coping methods if I wanted to. 

I'm really trying. I want to be admitted to a mental hospital again - I'm so fucking close, it hasn't been like this in so very long. But they won't be able to FEED me. I'm literally too busy dying to even try NOT dying properly. 

I'm just...really tired and needed a space.

Thanks.",-0.10760728619944616,2.167888696202535,2.4272460635998776,91.38802253782036,90.83544303797468,5.867736955850571,19.09972213646187,7.313800181584829,0.599644427292374,1172,36,255,22,41,402,165,316,0.14800000000000002,0.711,0.141,-0.6444,0,0,3,0,0,0,67.0,0,1,1,4,19,23,5,1,8,0,31,18,4,0,1,34,66,18,3,8,9,0,3,4,0,2,6,0,0,0,10,8,5,1,7,2,0,5,11,16,0,3,8,4,32,7,26,51,5,27,0,4,1,3,7,11,3,4,14,146,42,1,0.20048786853109501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341098368307888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24747664969139266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134841259170174,0.0,0.11190538329987786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807475458297706,0.0,0.11488823339549425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982008923158818,0.0,0.20514914135855933,0.16748188811633938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863051947800067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137269031574764,0.07161428666899229,0.0,0.0,0.09162113984671877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534780383852395,0.0523733182379408,0.0,0.0,0.08407985602069379,0.08017423168982969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897013152141534,0.0,0.1065546145065797,0.0,0.0,0.06719139608675087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731320492563122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910141470577719,0.0,0.0,0.055091444666981314,0.0817121858060998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958964910617732,0.0,0.0,0.2661381819970866,0.0,0.0,0.1094280959162958,0.0,0.09047406445915497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098521757577572,0.10102230811470647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473816518001681,0.2229888212148736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378365257523487,0.0,0.2133332275628352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077284149730432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409954338434565,0.06421883118314776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036166589553787,0.0,0.07988143698372015,0.0,0.10457628582867556,0.0,0.10289895797954117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493636019933617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965059383760244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537096305614421,0.0,0.08761761697834458,0.09229114647439816,0.0,0.0,0.06659761563458713,0.12846453080940615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152156559597988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611810236328695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271174416315986,0.23650587864239705,0.0,0.0,0.12207010606231156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910761408105334
suicidewatch,cwordy_23,2019/04/17,"So I just tried overdosing... And unfortunately I'm still here I've been planning my suicide for a while. Everything keeps getting worse and worse, and it's never going to get better. I've accepted that by now. I don't even have the freaking money to get professional help for how messed up in the head I am. Anyways, so I had the perfect plan. I rented a hotel for Monday night so I could carry out my death in peace, and so my friends (who I live with) wouldn't be the ones to find my body. I had a ton of leftover oxycodone from a surgery I recently had and brought those with me. I had a suicide note, a will, everything. At around 8:30 that night I took almost 200 mg of oxycodone l. I chewed part of it (I know it's more lethal that way) but the taste made me gag so I had to just swallow the rest. Shortly after I became extremely lightheaded and dizzy, my breathing became very shallow, and I started to feel very relaxed. I laid down and was prepared to leave this shit hole. And then proceeded to fall asleep for a bit and then constantly wake up the whole night. The next morning I was still alive but every time I tried to move I would violently dry heave and was still extremely dizzy. I eventually made it home where I proceeded to tell everyone that I just got super drunk and spent the night out. It's now Wednesday afternoon and the naseau/dizzyness is finally clearing up. I'm so goddamn angry. I was so ready to go. The dose I took should have been more than enough to kill me. I'm a goddamn 5'4 120 pound female. I should be dead by now. And now I've missed my only chance to go out peacefully. Any other method I come up with is gonna be painful and I'll probably wuss out at the last second. I don't even know what else to say. I'm just so mad. I don't understand why im still fucking alive.",2.452925675675676,4.237993735135138,3.5896452702702715,89.92068412162163,76.51351351351352,6.895270270270271,24.805743243243235,7.756953410329674,1.1697635135135132,1422,49,306,21,32,460,193,370,0.203,0.6920000000000001,0.105,-0.9922,1,0,1,0,0,4,42.0,0,0,0,5,27,15,5,0,20,0,28,13,6,3,3,49,55,29,6,5,6,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,2,0,14,24,4,1,6,3,3,9,5,9,0,2,18,3,38,6,42,27,8,55,0,1,0,1,5,16,2,1,29,198,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124914206392226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875968137781961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001118780898693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942541757971989,0.11038820307420312,0.11231272629807304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709910346057875,0.0,0.10926623727377063,0.0,0.08072976795925127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446616804888676,0.0,0.0,0.10447580714209448,0.0,0.13356714986965945,0.0,0.08519128795266417,0.09661692507703493,0.1817460347176161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112530550067485,0.0,0.0,0.11076334083224698,0.0924146089127891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811894184423382,0.09347648824953457,0.15848066495969318,0.0,0.17239297481835594,0.0,0.08086856678376396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377016445828922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777329557403197,0.0,0.10142365996793212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921839683852468,0.0,0.0,0.08987306212721746,0.1118655350258266,0.0,0.11113710922735202,0.08241984008617756,0.0,0.10706309281616748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928381870554948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134938892401987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074661388319224,0.0,0.0,0.0779838691141972,0.0,0.10753384369744773,0.3795473485660882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851616190712735,0.07690029278579097,0.10759038157736102,0.0,0.0,0.1094945288569999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901592328796753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983598030762687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804083840032261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379009664278237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715676503294956,0.0,0.32299294937519724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120040775546013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837641422569846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895926670987123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467848156126632,0.13729692969219984,0.0,0.0,0.10526124072495242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685610989169186,0.0,0.08025806237023618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123792481976696,0.1128880259017568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060836946247496,0.07182712026803245,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nick_The_Throwaway,2019/04/17,"I think I’m going to kill myself soon. Okay, so I have a gf, I think I have to tell her this, she knows about my problem, and she helps but, sometimes stuff like that isn’t enough.

Idk if I should tel her about this or not.


I just can’t take it anymore, and at this point I don’t even want to get better.",0.2368137254901974,1.5627533676470615,1.671176470588236,103.26696078431374,81.5,4.533333333333334,15.745098039215687,3.1291,-1.3893313725490195,231,3,62,0,6,74,49,68,0.095,0.726,0.179,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,13,14,6,1,4,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,13,3,6,13,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26994604138040196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407359116307801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28125201264274,0.0,0.1797833907744008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221157096606118,0.0,0.15469568971499656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244774847925302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30114538218957776,0.0,0.14959221902433514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298158622519746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573139170242739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604555353648481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692095526132338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31160016413086605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046580858738551,0.0,0.23791196307600854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488253819783545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054869958611154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-SovietOats-,2019/04/17,Being lonely makes me wanna die sometimes I'm (M14) so desperate for a girlfriend. I just want to be loved. I've never been in a relationship before and have been rejected so many times...,2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,81.22222222222223,6.933333333333335,22.88888888888889,8.07648339933343,1.6820222222222223,148,5,26,3,4,50,31,36,0.29600000000000004,0.583,0.121,-0.8172,0,3,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,6,9,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,4,5,0,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106561594909688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788953633742397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32949892069223125,0.0,0.2436937104990848,0.3701337813780439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815721742829079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919592533892211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361073418928224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288106258633926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533362134188985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,random6481,2019/04/17,"Welp it’s over Ok well it’s all over. The parents of my (M16) have forbidden me from talking to him, most likely ever again, because I’ve made him stressed. He’s my only close friend and the only person I ever talked to about my feelings with and without him I can’t cope. I’m going to end it all very soon. I don’t know why I’m posting here, there’s no point. Maybe I think it would be nice to talk to somebody as I go. I don’t know.",-0.26494845360824826,1.5162798762886602,1.9393917525773217,98.4348608247423,85.28865979381445,4.292371134020619,18.978350515463926,4.935628992294339,-0.6146032989690724,336,9,82,1,10,113,64,97,0.081,0.807,0.112,0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,1,6,0,0,1,4,16,15,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,1,1,13,5,13,12,3,12,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,6,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662838465825524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945489582041176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461242038345806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673837511025786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781524384718164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21746590526983053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029162086793526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347048093569836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810339203020128,0.0,0.0,0.1922091081529087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910186764361654,0.0,0.0,0.21244093000268027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705537642557022,0.0,0.0,0.18086154826712406,0.0,0.18323401272310136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191592105349421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613331943745748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259169536781135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15786105129413674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720218519730912,0.0,0.17263874531526502,0.0,0.0,0.18442800642357765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590997326141765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaybre8,2019/04/17,"Rejected after a job interview, there's nothing left for me I currently work in fast food at fucking 25 years old. I tried college and I'm not even halfway to a useless associate's degree. Never had a girlfriend, haven't had friends since middle school. Have my driver's license but completely terrified to drive on anything more than simple 2-lane roads or dirt roads. Debilitating social anxiety that prevents me from even grabbing some food/snacks from convenience stores, so I eat whatever's at home because I can't communicate with a fucking cashier. 

 I tried one last time to apply to an entry-level position into a field I thought I was decent at, but I got the rejection email yesterday. I have severe social anxiety and I've always struggled in school and in life in general, so I'm sure me fucking up during the interview was the reason for that. 

The sad part about all of this is that my parents would just let me leech off them in the basement till I'm 40. I can't do it though, I cannot stand being a burden any longer and watching my younger siblings achieve great things. I've never been this close to ending it all and I never thought I'd be this type of person. I need some type of guidance that my parents never gave me, I want to be a normal functioning adult for once and if I can't, this is the end of the road for me.",6.477613636363635,6.371586988636366,6.828545454545457,77.45281818181819,65.47727272727272,9.76727272727273,34.266666666666666,9.3871,3.0590457575757584,1071,44,201,18,15,348,156,264,0.138,0.809,0.053,-0.9644,4,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,8,12,3,1,15,0,20,6,0,1,7,33,32,14,0,5,6,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,2,11,9,2,1,3,0,1,1,10,9,0,1,9,2,26,3,33,18,6,35,0,4,1,3,13,18,3,4,15,134,37,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568735603758118,0.0,0.0,0.07820242632097578,0.0,0.17594595695328916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946333653929878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010157257534559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057297280986087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767142685048325,0.0,0.0,0.20370778026996186,0.0,0.0,0.15190988363064453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27811151734710937,0.0,0.08884699101902684,0.3189407530080206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197422106772928,0.12678544623454127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115352138592144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141175412264708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373853023415933,0.0,0.0,0.12494541243263818,0.11759301007874493,0.08122632509064544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526938853784194,0.35477347517755536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126733972233205,0.11034346080526047,0.0,0.12067081379600285,0.12246887080032234,0.07792546439964439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25538282667970885,0.1245313773116413,0.0,0.0,0.10041161616800176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823685932206687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23276776321104384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299147460890678,0.0,0.0951273428216251,0.0,0.0,0.23445148684834904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022063678901128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838403628360148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639940781292434,0.0,0.1129847241083452,0.1825907663264185,0.06705612385668783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561518729174036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782866361048251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371974540540411,0.0,0.0,0.0816911156080577,0.0,0.0,0.07405479284763886
suicidewatch,timbers_,2019/04/17,"I wish everyone would just forget about me I wish there was some way I could just cancel myself. I'd be dead, and everyone else just forgets about me and have it be like I was never born or lived

Why the fuck can't I just hit a button or something and have my life be undone?",10.563389830508473,4.722471525423731,10.115000000000002,75.08572033898307,62.5593220338983,13.155932203389833,36.27966101694915,8.841846274778883,2.876891525423728,216,4,49,2,2,71,40,59,0.184,0.6920000000000001,0.124,-0.5859,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,2,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,0,1,17,14,5,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,1,2,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095626368991956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102570832097133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481006616604919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268598803557555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777810640342098,0.12296441509261853,0.0,0.2222494015354008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941210455749479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376545580700544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997820723708267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271136526473944,0.0,0.578868721947856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879538224309002,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sydonix29,2019/04/17,Suicide I thought silica gel packets are poison but turns out  they're just a choking hazard I ate some thinking they were poisonous and would kill me but they didn't. Please suggest me a painless way to die I'm not an adult so I cannot get many things. I just feel like I will never amount to anything in life I've wasted my childhood I didn't plan for my future I didn't even make any friends I'm just a waste of skin. I'll have no future so there's no point in living. Is jumping around 35-40 feet enough to kill. I'm just pathetic.,-0.19014492753623105,2.06986969565218,1.354782608695654,99.00463768115944,91.17391304347824,3.7623188405797103,18.971014492753625,5.2151,-0.5201768115942027,425,13,96,2,15,136,80,115,0.381,0.547,0.07200000000000001,-0.9933,0,0,0,0,0,3,7.0,0,0,2,1,9,6,4,0,4,0,10,6,2,1,1,17,20,5,4,1,7,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,2,13,2,9,12,3,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458961136106026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655002380694348,0.1909881229764022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22266102430911205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216795354912648,0.0,0.14170315860650776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847902768364676,0.15326905425737558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657548404248845,0.0,0.11208949118982686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4747185117848309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153756361671772,0.10481452554346476,0.0,0.1894447719424024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143208643975461,0.2175122074841504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546823952778564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355030076787501,0.20281180947080168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23467444273972865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253236384645832,0.13747003606823915,0.0,0.1703226130022314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333604032580356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702936830290779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240468671409044,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DontTRUSThackers,2019/04/17,"Found somebody willing to commit suicide The users u/rdy_to_quit_ti and he recently ( not really 15 hours ago ) a small text about how he doesn't matter and wants to kill himself. I didn't cross post ,cause I couldn't",5.39211382113821,6.987787073170736,4.705853658536586,85.66577235772358,68.51219512195122,7.417886178861789,28.300813008130078,7.793537801064563,1.6998227642276418,174,6,32,2,3,52,35,41,0.242,0.706,0.052000000000000005,-0.8432,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,10,6,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941098969525838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34083750189297685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637882359459304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267441840801457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670740811666292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177610314715236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255178312790035,0.0,0.3276004600552889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629220403396505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569706151419344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaysadshitbruh,2019/04/17,"Only holding on to see how a relationship goes Ive been thinking about leaving for 7 years now. My life hasnt gotten better and from my actions its going to get better. Ive tried gyming a lot and i feel like i progressed a lot health wise. I used to be into a lot of things but ive lost all interest in them. Im not sure if im pushing away people and isolating myself because i dont want to get better or because i dont want to hurt them and if i cut contact with them then i would feel less guilty if i did do this. These past few days my paranoia has gone to an extreme and i know im very close of losing my s/o. Im just hurting her at this point and i dont make her happy or satisfied. I only have excuses for hurting her and my mistakes are lessons for me though i believe shes going to do better if i leave. I feel like shes already gone because i dont make her happy mentally which then making her not happy emotionally then physically. My friends think i should do therapy which i agreed to but i still havent called in fear of it going wrong somehow someway. How did you guys go about your first therapy sessions to make yourself comfortable enough to open up? I know the best thing for me is to get hospitalized asap but i still want to just fucking die. I feel this way because ive hurt people in my past to the point that i deserve karma. Ive given up on going to church because i dont feel gods love anymore. Theres love in people in this world and myself but i dont deserve love anymore and im just a nuisance. This relationships not going to work out definitely and i might be pushing for it to not work and once my s/o let goes and gives up im done too. Im not looking for attention just some place to feel like i belong because I definitely fit being here. 

Tldr : Ive given up years ago and im only staying to see about a girl. one last time c’:",1.2673054257264766,3.059176466165418,3.4617909638962274,89.45036171509857,80.07769423558898,5.91752353857617,23.56573867100183,6.885778809224403,0.7474471448892497,1466,51,319,16,37,502,180,399,0.182,0.688,0.13,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,3,12,19,30,2,1,9,0,34,6,0,7,2,71,75,29,1,10,19,0,6,3,1,3,2,0,0,2,14,18,0,1,12,0,0,11,13,11,0,2,10,9,57,19,47,58,9,50,2,6,3,4,24,22,1,12,18,209,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982290579938097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062024317888154185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114817776686063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280704598208457,0.0,0.0,0.2055746071933318,0.0,0.0,0.06332450559616537,0.0589843482451857,0.1988372731086124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739223937456755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036247985981688165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833257730816997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057517880661611676,0.39523552663111816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322377636649278,0.0,0.058075447563429826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324696753557423,0.17051555264256846,0.12045995455414665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047808485978443116,0.0,0.0,0.04342433559393389,0.05196120556758189,0.08809537633115662,0.053917568364413415,0.1916577520334513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565241710341794,0.0,0.1794958366484859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059743963660604686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406771868142431,0.0,0.4856938617324724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061778296199290435,0.045815095686229115,0.0,0.11902730790808623,0.0,0.05747407171129431,0.03969970349409808,0.08237770530232541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047198579189305125,0.06287973077227607,0.061355092091939775,0.14335206751133606,0.1521833449721088,0.0,0.1500707961228023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664206222192982,0.05962529857786787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598571688747955,0.03808639413211689,0.12824075860604273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730928031708616,0.11689773489334225,0.0,0.0587229277316649,0.0,0.1062649881511502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068763917491525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957723117692973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599077304672345,0.0897717883590249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297314754977247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855208817928446,0.0,0.07468105528381415,0.07202860519832173,0.055221752817921764,0.0,0.03277395883173605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03815993797547136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854362411338139,0.0,0.04637553671862722,0.0994546225278088,0.0446134183618779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183674604229255,0.0,0.0,0.03992687178846007,0.06145204056942692,0.0,0.07238917469397374
suicidewatch,Sanks5,2019/04/17,"I want to hang myself I don't see a point anymore. Anywhere I go, I am the person outside the loop. Every day is a suffering. I can't take it anymore. I signed myself for a student program in the US, hoping that fulfilling my dream will make me happy. But what's the point if I will be lonely there too.
Now I'm looking through pictures of hanged man, imaginening how will I look after I die",1.4258333333333333,3.489765950617283,3.509367283950617,87.93590277777781,80.85185185185185,5.531481481481482,24.939814814814817,6.6274283507984215,0.9530851851851848,306,12,62,3,8,104,61,81,0.123,0.75,0.127,-0.1779,0,2,0,0,0,2,9.0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,2,0,7,17,3,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,3,14,2,6,13,0,9,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,2,3,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529199303834656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472656395574346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369892856574392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923931304320244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977549264670404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24308080817961264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680119591125825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835098012908429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242413593049367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993847610089399,0.0,0.0,0.4317255433322015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819638785685764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716893597187036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746746594035124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468563100213835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Omorash,2019/04/17,"When 'things will get better' and 'reach out! someone cares!' cannot apply to you. No education means I'll never have proper job, no good money, no chance at **ever** doing the things I enjoy (traveling, reading and writing).

The three times I tried to reach out to my mother she humilliated me in public threatened with my family committing mass suicide in response. She has complimented my self-harm scars, ""at least they look nice"". Every single adult around me has failed me, whether by sexually abusing me or abandoning me. I have severe AvPD so I'm out of luck with creating or mantaining friendships, I'll be alone forever.

Things won't get better unless I win the lottery. Reaching out has only taught me I'm utterly worthless.

At this point the only thing keeping me alive is the knowledge that when I die, my little sister will be all on her own, and since we live together and share the bills, I need to prolong my suffering as long as I can as to not burden her even more.

There's no help for me. I already bought insurance that covers suicide so it's just a matter of time.

I'm feeling particularly lonely because I have no one to care about me and the pain of not being heard hurts deep. So I just wanted to share this. Thank you for reading.",2.5945096153846166,5.223793329166668,3.890833333333333,83.60826923076924,80.29166666666666,6.35897435897436,23.81410256410256,7.61054688173877,1.3973429487179485,989,35,180,16,26,323,150,240,0.183,0.615,0.202,-0.4419,1,3,0,0,0,2,34.0,1,2,1,4,12,21,0,0,8,0,16,1,0,0,4,35,33,17,3,2,8,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,13,0,2,3,3,3,1,10,8,0,2,3,3,32,13,31,24,5,23,0,6,1,0,17,15,0,3,7,129,41,5,0.0,0.16044693090118667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025111070243027,0.14943596115134314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205497870665351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254891000881798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395305585889601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27613319172656026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054140461811085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894416120251655,0.1224923754107408,0.11409461282092072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12765903966507433,0.0,0.0684708739195481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149952452278336,0.0,0.0,0.11358130484325052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076712072264403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144966635520456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438041822822935,0.12036479871196452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572334964600294,0.1195756393780918,0.11983973098304612,0.11371612435706695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750874699558408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040994548805307,0.10444189267106199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917620234725509,0.20598137067925096,0.1440931722518962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801277935646635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27090717241126155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126940223539752,0.15298259781830612,0.0,0.11201829250720764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147383342057884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962483076052586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467372493432592,0.0,0.0,0.359859992213305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792541395091764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193921356980043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987242001428815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,gromtom99,2019/04/17,"Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.",1.9800000000000004,4.747337000000002,4.450000000000003,73.84500000000001,95.66666666666666,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.334866666666666,78,3,12,3,3,27,18,18,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233937407047313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667857171090335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190060980728025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5675913143091296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,heyleeloh,2019/04/17,"I’m confused as to whether or not I’m suicidal?? I have definitely been suicidal in the past but now I mostly just hate living and want to die, and have coped with the fact that I can’t do that. However I know that if I did choose to do so, I would swallow a bunch of pills. Is that considered having “a plan”?

I hate myself. Ugh. Any input would be greatly appreciated!",1.0444736842105264,3.21155318421053,3.4860526315789464,86.98986842105263,82.94736842105263,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.2799789473684209,286,10,62,6,8,99,54,76,0.245,0.611,0.145,-0.9162,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,1,4,0,12,2,0,0,1,17,18,8,3,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,8,1,7,13,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108426046682687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611022030400557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773698378355185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967699118943424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826278541130593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221513507452142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401633083123676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503793417520269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838947201744287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35743300452471743,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,twerksley,2019/04/17,"People pushing me over the edge I just want to kill myself so all the ones who were wrong to me know that they drove me off the deep end. 
One can only take so much before they call it quits. 
I’m at the very brink of saying forget it all.",1.7361538461538473,2.7288780000000017,2.868461538461542,97.65153846153851,76.69230769230771,5.2,14.923076923076925,3.1291,-1.2817846153846153,184,1,45,0,4,59,41,52,0.17,0.807,0.023,-0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,2,1,4,2,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,2,1,7,0,6,5,3,8,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496316492234865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293955852856713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25497465919245405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184946015394262,0.0,0.15821034294180553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162361792818835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901474691125063,0.2189443612227941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995785128910517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061939262693198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22893231787274004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164485971469465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752968339222594,0.16979803485800002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147496454612307,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Supergamervictor,2019/04/17,"I think more about suicide than my future, and I'm at the last inch of unreasonable living. It's the same thoughts. Everyday. Repeating like a broken player that I've so old and use to. No emotions. No sadness nor tragedy. Just calculations.

Hang a rope. It's easy to buy. The ceiling fan collapsing is the only issue. Get the hose from the kitchen and put it up the exhaust, paste a few signs to make sure no else gets hurt. Before I do that, I need to set things for them. Give them to the world so that they bloom without me. I owe it to them. Let the world continue their stories without me. Because I could never write them. Make sure the stories are posted. Write the note. Write the letters of apology to them. *I'm sorry Emille, I wish I wasn't a monster. I cannot write with these tainted hands for you. I hope you find someone else to write your tales.*

Maybe then everyone will know. Everyone will finally know. That it was real.

*I'm so tired. So tired of life. So tired of existence. What happened today? What am I doing here? Who am I?*

Again and again and again and again.

I want to snap. I want to slam my fist into the table. Slap myself. Hit my head. Take the razorblade. Scream. Cry. Shout. Damn the world. Damn myself.

But nothing. There is no blood. No tears. No sound. Just silence. So this is how it ends. No bang. No fire. No great final act. Just a dead silence. And all I can say is that I'm tired. So tired. 

Just grey walls. Just the dull and dead. Just the voices that keep repeating. Just the madness of not knowing.

*Do you dream? Do you hope? Do you see anything in the darkness that swallows whole?* 

*Of course they don't know. Because I don't know.*

Do I know? Is it really? Am I truly depressed?

*Of course you are. After all, you're a monster. The worst monster. But the world cannot know. If they did, they would thank you, cheer you on. (But you don't believe me, do you? You think I'm over-reacting. But I'm not. I know. And I'm terrified.)*

What maketh then? What future? Why can't I see? Why can't I act? What time do we have?

I died. Long ago. Now the days are strung as puppets of a hollow mask. I don't know why I'm still alive. How am I suppose to know the future if I can't live now. 

But of course. Of course. Say it all you want. I've heard it all. Listened to all. Repeated it enough times that I just want to slam my head into the wall, break open my skull and pull it all out just to find something, SOMETHING. Of course you don't understand. *Of course I don't understand.* *Just grow up. Just walk. Move. Why can't you JUST MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!*

But you wouldn't understand would you. Of course you wouldn't. Because I never told you. Cause I would rather tell the world than you. And maybe when I finally do it, you'll know it wasn't me. Because you never knew me. Because you all never knew me. You just knew the mask. The mask that smiles. Laughs. Inarticulate. Boring. Silent. Neurotic. Lazy. And you wouldn't believe me.

But I don't know . I don't know who I am. Am I really suffering? Am I? I? You? Them? What is left in this dull and grey but four walls on every side. I'm tired. There's no anger. No sadness. Just the dead unspeakable silence. 

And try as I might, there is nothing left. I tried. I have. I've cleaned my room. I've accepted the suffering. I've taken responsibility of the monster that I am. I've silenced that loathing voice. I've stood with my shoulders back. I've tried to restore my faith.

But I can't for the life of me burn this deadwood. I've lost my time. I've wasted away for four years. What the hell am I doing here? 19. *Your still young.* But am I? These days... no days. No time. No memory. A long film of the same, meshing into one great failure. 

*Kill yourself. Useless. Pointless.* Meaningless words played on a loop.

I've run out of words. I've run out of being. I've run out of chances. Ideas. I don't have meaning. *Laugh. Laugh when I said that. Laugh. Cause you'll never know.* I don't know why I can't say yes or no. I just know that I'm willing to die. *Hang the rope, is my car emission controlled? where do I park? this is what I'll write: I'm sorry my Emille. I'm sorry I could never write for you. I can never be you. I could never put your name on a book, cause I could never put mine.*

I wonder what that pastor was thinking when he gave me my name. *I will be victorious.* Perhaps it was irony. A tragedy. 

Get help? There's none here. I can't afford it. Ask him for money? *Of course there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just neurotic. I'm just lazy. Get some friends. Stop hiding in your room.* Talk to someone? Nothing comes out right. Just a mess and misunderstanding. Find someone who understands. Do they really? Why else tell the world the things you can never share with your own.

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting monsters. I'm tired of repeating these words. Again and Again and Again. I'm tired of not knowing. True insanity is when you don't know if you're insane. I'm tired of the same cycle. Of the same voices. Same thoughts. Same emotions. I'm tired of it all. Tired of planning my suicide while working, eating, walking, sleeping. Tired of trying to answer the same questions. *Have you decided? Do you know what you want to do? What is your plan?*

I think there is only one answer. *But you could never know and you would never understand. But I hope you who read this do. At least someone. Just one. Please.*",-1.3723113852487965,-0.06715433363802248,0.3648462968368342,100.63394558554684,116.55941499085924,3.301178314104434,15.199929331879005,5.471097639020259,-0.7885535341741816,4125,116,925,40,238,1313,355,1094,0.206,0.7140000000000001,0.081,-0.9993,2,0,2,0,2,2,274.0,1,42,12,5,56,43,7,0,51,1,96,27,7,9,23,198,188,53,8,26,41,0,2,1,1,14,17,12,4,0,55,33,3,3,45,5,3,18,59,23,0,5,18,18,139,20,86,146,24,121,3,10,4,0,90,38,3,11,63,577,194,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030919720718395393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02870392274776084,0.0,0.032608835330795026,0.0,0.032771655677895146,0.026821178758387826,0.0,0.10631504624944732,0.0,0.02968098796915172,0.0785974240662706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749655633573013,0.0,0.03004671685829232,0.0,0.0,0.03912177824695425,0.13924738507814402,0.0,0.03831491609777258,0.06748568264992892,0.0,0.030042778144557726,0.0,0.07240151774428352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03569176190563058,0.08741528676992105,0.07847240046117633,0.03089403173872592,0.03604118608592631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0293885746948645,0.06666018997135659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146306198813406,0.09564124579637576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026948816160036058,0.0,0.07289510421061915,0.0334608375183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691240059240924,0.0,0.0,0.03084497235924146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159551880411348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023379862039429117,0.0,0.0,0.10393350124230542,0.0,0.0,0.03734061311854442,0.03937617253471785,0.0,0.03640648829799454,0.0,0.03100365381081586,0.03859043231878589,0.0,0.3833914610745368,0.02843250389708033,0.0,0.0,0.07579617297261018,0.03566797675386345,0.049274674969113086,0.01704099483630029,0.0,0.061600763132698334,0.06173681295427349,0.0,0.0,0.03807650882052283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046566403842326215,0.0,0.07008489496864552,0.037995412071118416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037003011972086115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414553117181419,0.0,0.02586366796927185,0.3228266388549816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387625649882948,0.0,0.03660152740765315,0.0,0.07090838947517301,0.053056833695199264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033297666250706036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038288639069616,0.0,0.0,0.03340616024857113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519450117480793,0.03907447392437962,0.0,0.03489023484517683,0.03970198177819787,0.06703659251804604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029788008862531426,0.03317962424361395,0.08321582603676053,0.0,0.0,0.055590956133116994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03490598609994422,0.0,0.11821753969974785,0.05370588115876405,0.0,0.11713858484607607,0.0,0.0,0.055711696857440936,0.029161906985680924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630785802261754,0.0,0.06574947412375401,0.0,0.026226017327522576,0.02803586224745936,0.060974705586781815,0.03211355021179045,0.0,0.0,0.04634650137887522,0.08940082159942353,0.0,0.05538291097778419,0.0813570896883383,0.5612648072831193,0.03306291573059431,0.033330094985678294,0.0,0.09472708232505578,0.0,0.0,0.18156069181852505,0.0,0.03012580812304138,0.0,0.0,0.102867984894861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888469560450847,0.038943162629645714,0.04011119352773355,0.06724768448116603,0.03782673492013878,0.025393634629810917,0.0,0.0,0.09911326567979532,0.03813667431669133,0.0,0.022462088758787455
suicidewatch,uprightcaesar,2019/04/17,"URGENT: Advice for someone seeking help, who doesnt want to die, just for the suffering to end. I am a 30 year old male.  I was thrown from a moving vehicle by my mother, as she yelled that I was a mistake, when I was 5.  I watched her try to kill herself when I was 6.  I was molested by a school counselor when I was 9.  I tried to kill myself when I was 12, and again when I was 16, 18, 21, 22, and 24. The only reason I'm still here is because I grew tired of failing at the only thing I needed to succeed at.

I am on the high functioning end of the autistic spectrum. I have ADD.  I have severe depression.  I have severe anxiety. I suffer from panic attacks just from thinking about going outside.  I dont like to be touched, but at the same time I crave physical affection.  I havent been close to anyone since the age of 21.  Every second of every day I have to convince myself that today's not the day I die.  I dont want to die, I just need the suffering to end. 

I cannot afford health insurance. Out of pocket visits are $300-500 each. Medication is equally as expensive. State run facilities are terrifying... I know because I've been in them. For long term care, they dont work.  Emergency Rooms dont work either, as they only create a tipping point on which I have to balance afterward.  Inevitably I always come crashing down. 

Sliding scale doctors are not therapists. They dont listen. They ask a question, and interrupt your answer to ask unrelated questions.  I need a doctor who is a therapist. I cant afford shit. So my answer is to find a pro bono doctor, or end my own suffering... because I cant live the rest of my life alone, tired, afraid, scared, depressed, and in mental anguish.

What do I do? Where do I go? I've called every help line I can find, talked to any facility I havent already been to... I'm lost.",1.7919034749034743,3.7915075108108125,3.9047490347490346,85.89635135135137,79.29729729729729,6.606949806949808,24.625482625482626,7.658307877764058,1.3471104247104244,1409,52,285,22,35,482,196,370,0.171,0.723,0.106,-0.954,2,1,0,0,0,3,65.0,0,1,5,5,14,22,5,4,19,0,41,9,1,2,0,34,58,15,5,6,8,1,1,1,0,0,8,2,1,1,7,9,0,0,9,0,1,8,13,18,0,1,12,4,51,4,42,45,7,44,0,8,1,0,23,14,1,3,22,188,58,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653840461144748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112120677848017,0.08643372194334414,0.0,0.0651727776114034,0.0,0.0,0.053263770160891455,0.0,0.0599185054273976,0.0,0.0,0.05476674780739986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464468355352916,0.08910613586167683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323880569554956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997870881470236,0.0,0.07985768395081898,0.0,0.0,0.06747015889227909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010264505285544,0.0,0.1349226289540109,0.0,0.24386733811655145,0.0,0.0,0.2405072498111415,0.0,0.0,0.458982309602173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774912467229761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797688515837544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317548860042606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902794587448715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325594409834207,0.0,0.0,0.10499935910598517,0.08275479378837153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331028961000464,0.0,0.04304543973745853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532335138662494,0.03826569920135473,0.0,0.06916251942018366,0.06931526993735719,0.0,0.0,0.0855011252077925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890432214672903,0.07893330266390416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324721121625822,0.0,0.17423126083830293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218904186907622,0.0,0.0,0.1787093586606806,0.0,0.09189765685071416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404255903895611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548412871488311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053127243939516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841711299044138,0.07926920700421017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697019137992234,0.08039961416024198,0.06479135191114037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636462333816541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255054515369866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295476771852665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188301160119869,0.05203573200495861,0.050187576789681054,0.0,0.0,0.04567200964230039,0.180046415751436,0.0742430591770157,0.0,0.0,0.10635523551568417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239637486542077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404324614940292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050438811826111735
suicidewatch,nomirror22,2019/04/17,"Too Ugly to Live Okay so i’m not the usual person complaining about how ugly they are only to find out that they look completely normal. Because i really don’t look normal, i feel like i don’t look human, i don’t fit in with the rest of the world. And i know there are people who also don’t look ‘normal’ in society’s standards but that’s often because they are disfigured or have some sort of condition- but i am meant to be perfectly healthy but i look like i have something wrong with me. I know this might be insensitive but i almost wish i had a disfigurement so that i had a reason why i looked like this. My face is completely asymmetrical, like COMPLETELY asymmetrical, like i have two completely different sides of  faces that don’t even belong. My bone structure, my jaw, my eyes, eyebrows everything is asymmetrical. I also have very manly features. I have a very wide jaw, a small mouth, weird dark coloured lips, one eye that droops, terrible eye bags even though i am only 16, and my skin colour is too dark and patchy. I  have to keep my horrible frizzy hair down  at all times because i am ashamed of the way i look, even in front of my family, even at school when i am meant to have it up and have gotten so many detentions because i don’t. I just don’t know what to do anymore, i don’t have any friends because i don’t talk to anyone as i don’t want them to look at me, i’m doing shit in school because i’ve missed so much, and the worst fucking part of it all is my mum. My mum is the complete opposite as me. I am literally the ugliest girl in the world and she is the prettiest. And i really am not exaggerating when i say that, everyone in my school knows how pretty she is, she’s almost 40 but she looks 18, i feel like i look older and bigger than her because she’s so tiny.  it frustrates me so much, i often wonder if God hates me, because why would he create me this way, why would he want me to go through so much suffering? I am going through so much pain because of my looks and i desperately want to end it all. but if i’m being honest the only thing that’s stopping me is my religion, in islam it is a sin to commit suicide. i know i am only 16 but i just KNOW my future and i know that i’ll end up alone and miserable, i feel like i’m trapped on a train to more and more suffering.",3.2007277065314628,4.243237041753655,4.749933790635254,85.38366597077247,73.15448851774529,8.146519534745005,25.585505517447057,8.591530228387361,1.5869257500745602,1809,57,390,32,35,609,199,479,0.181,0.688,0.131,-0.9876,1,2,1,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,4,1,27,27,4,2,16,1,49,15,13,3,5,70,88,39,1,11,14,2,5,7,1,3,1,1,0,4,19,15,0,2,15,0,0,3,12,16,0,2,5,22,70,11,42,77,13,36,2,4,16,1,23,22,2,11,16,261,89,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934030140113022,0.0617166205664192,0.0,0.09530720220754464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405228179350599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909664716940913,0.041666276036992085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269261653973968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123916261248015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062258213198374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555699714422688,0.0,0.0,0.1574328789143875,0.0,0.0,0.056940200796290565,0.05355508728154737,0.0,0.05617555877756289,0.0,0.09039053432902304,0.1277119827330155,0.0,0.0,0.054463608563502464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046038602771282966,0.05508941633587268,0.0,0.0,0.06773202931198273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058832170301292785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296577384988235,0.0,0.0,0.2292413320541599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20378650817379887,0.0,0.05261850924048895,0.0,0.5504407309494451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041427262454956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321490930834348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522018622592464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751548043943733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04037930221513849,0.18128161744022456,0.06340729562527353,0.0,0.0,0.06452948543168582,0.0,0.04131176914210237,0.05203114317502524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062381643636479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634895810761659,0.06126780138324516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738786219079537,0.0,0.18092288436878584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061167636403191124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587481161448466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04981938515569543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518110374437401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789568186209568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03958853246371879,0.0,0.05854625770424968,0.0,0.03474704336311035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821016002260505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562927707509883,0.09833494901380513,0.10544207062008112,0.09459854333469553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131042533175888,0.0,0.0685248396270521,0.0,0.0646221345227566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466116360917399,0.06515162630734248,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ExtraSideOfFries,2019/04/17,I’m exhausted I just feel so broken right now and I want to disappear. Nothing will make me feel better. When my boyfriend held me tonight I felt so numb and cold inside even though I was crying. I’m tired of living and I’m tired of people setting up expectations of myself. I just want to disappear and stop suffering.,2.134285714285713,4.711117349206352,3.4660317460317493,86.24285714285719,81.85714285714286,6.774603174603175,23.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.475038095238096,255,9,49,5,7,83,41,63,0.368,0.5589999999999999,0.073,-0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,15,12,8,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,4,9,1,6,8,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206541754146287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740537267506937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478619901717745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522999038392129,0.0,0.2395501169330738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203047850101404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653692365920664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393929750708035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296537949494453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130636230659529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085853266176812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24512326371189205,0.0,0.0,0.5735055236057672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943120590616104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1Down2Clown,2019/04/17,"I've Given Up and I'm Ready To Die. I'm a fifteen-year-old guy, and since I was nine I have wanted nothing but to kill myself.  
I see nothing good coming my way in life.  
I'm ungrateful, lazy, unmotivated and hurt. I see no future in which I'm in it.  
I try to help others in hopes that they'd help me, but all I am ever told is ""don't die pls, I'll miss you"".

The same people who say that are people that don't talk to me.

My family life is messy. My father is verbally abusive and when I was younger, we'd 'play fight', which resulted in several bruises and me flinching at any moment my dad is near me. My mom is trying to make my life worth it, but it fails. She's not verbally abusive, but she'll put any blame on me whenever she can.

I've been onto online school for two months, but I have handed nothing in due to the complications of the interface and lack of communication from my teachers. I suggested going back into public school, but my parents refuse although I know it's my best bet at this point. I'd take insufferable anxiety than missing out on my education.

I have anxiety and depression and have been on meds since January. I don't think it works. I still feel anxious around everyone I interact with. I still feel like I want to die. That last sentence alone is why I'm here right now. As I mentioned, since I was nine I have wanted to kill myself. Today I woke up to my dad degrading me and yelling at me, then my mother walked in to second that. I cried for an hour before getting up and forcing myself to work on what I can understand- which is little to nothing.  

After years of build-up, I have finally decided that I do want to take action. I have a rope I've been saving and I have access to medication that I can easily overdose on. If I could find at least one reason to live, I'd reconsider, but I've lost everything a long time ago and I've done nothing but hold onto a thread of hope that's inevitably going to snap sooner or later.",3.1598518518518546,4.278388676543209,5.000432098765433,83.25694444444447,73.34567901234567,8.165432098765432,25.59876543209877,8.648137234880735,1.69740987654321,1534,49,321,28,30,526,207,405,0.185,0.687,0.128,-0.9762,1,1,0,0,2,3,47.0,1,1,1,5,8,17,3,0,8,0,35,5,1,3,2,53,66,26,5,9,11,6,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,20,17,0,2,8,1,2,6,5,10,0,5,11,7,56,7,52,51,5,56,0,6,2,0,25,28,0,5,22,211,76,5,0.0,0.20305160410675174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595689313673648,0.0,0.0,0.08874651838438956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654102165204536,0.0,0.13110156898919134,0.09680260542520412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628013668164928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588848027789998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291384200712844,0.0,0.08992385659800849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381228576742227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841458138823363,0.0,0.09412381224549972,0.0,0.0,0.07380260998603473,0.0,0.2667906218975772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768817163048488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750934585752614,0.0,0.0818781801466357,0.07701049562320827,0.0,0.0807786494796987,0.0,0.08665245702030795,0.0612152432602538,0.0,0.0938665846286758,0.07831692005007501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476823781127452,0.0,0.09739648297947373,0.07187069897635985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848442022981711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486919294352015,0.0,0.0,0.1702142551477817,0.08438503202504262,0.0,0.0917303550745878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896012820060555,0.0,0.047091667650559416,0.06984683593327264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157107182809865,0.041862636325639885,0.08588149273274323,0.07566372647777596,0.07583083538947626,0.0,0.0,0.09353814472780103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057197142765739124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951796140196064,0.08632124883354306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035628919988553,0.068395030062814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110978475938363,0.0,0.0899147288963197,0.0,0.058064139829692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951459466598975,0.0,0.0,0.1188099946501644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081002484897958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613971168626437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810113081252867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317674782816984,0.0,0.06814222399922866,0.0,0.17344086499909733,0.13656385686110115,0.0,0.0,0.09680260542520412,0.0,0.21264502089693396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686046660018167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885283238432887,0.06887245237825189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490515838103807,0.0,0.0,0.04996513247689592,0.0,0.08122183184674005,0.0818781801466357,0.0,0.11635252036798635,0.0,0.08370434073014095,0.08920382038306675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216308179528394,0.06801483367153947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731973708169418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476319624597022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036001851491824
suicidewatch,Welesh,2019/04/17,"Its Time to Die. *Aux Legionnaires*

>Two pieces of wood cross, a name.  
>  
>What does it matter if this is not the right thing?   
>  
>He's a Legionnaire. 

In the United States a veteran dies every hour. In my country, Australia, the suicide rate of veterans is double that of the civilian population. A statistic you will never see is the suicide rates of the men who served in the French Foreign Legion, just know that after today that 'irrelevant' statistic will have increased by 1.",4.118661616161616,6.964388795454546,4.314242424242424,81.5469191919192,75.81818181818181,6.638383838383841,27.959595959595962,7.793537801064563,2.059162626262627,386,16,64,6,9,120,66,88,0.135,0.8029999999999999,0.063,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,0,6,0,0,0,1,7,8,1,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,10,6,3,12,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,5,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120044599340626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586065184442416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078282580763164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429180930791156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355621705777695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902454120080974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21065295128258088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656229840846132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396290692908878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387512408327842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438339763636158,0.0,0.23381222990763814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095859591042346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lewwdthrowaway77,2019/04/17,"This is it for me. I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, everyday is a miserable grind full of self hate. I’m 31 and all I’ve ever done with my life is work, yet I have nothing to show for it. My business failed as fast as it started and picking up the pieces is a task I don’t have it in me to handle anymore. All I have now are tax bills to pay from it.


I’ve never been cared about by anyone, my family just see’s me as an ATM machine, my friends have all moved on and started families, I’m still a virgin that has never been on a single date as I’ve only ever been rejected or rarely tried. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve never felt the non-platonic touch of another human being. Everything I do only results in serving others, I make other people happy but I’ve never had anyone try to do anything for me. My birthday passes year after year without even my family noticing. I’m as disposable as it gets.


The only person I told about my suicidal feelings said to me they’d rather not know me if I feel that way, because it would be a hassle and that “people die everyday so who cares”, they told me they don’t have time for that in their life. I thought they cared about me, but I’m just disposable to them too.


The mountain I have to climb just to be good enough is too much and I give up. I feel physical pain from how lonely I am, I really don’t want to struggle through the rest of my life for just a glimpse at the chance of happiness.


I’ve finally found the perfect location and method and I’m leaving to head down there. No one will really care that I’m gone anyway.",3.702024423337857,4.1256861074626885,5.3540094979647215,83.79842265943012,71.50746268656717,8.598371777476256,27.16757123473541,8.710501217029153,1.8264029850746275,1246,40,267,21,22,426,174,335,0.115,0.782,0.103,-0.5156,0,3,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,6,4,21,17,1,2,15,0,31,6,1,4,10,45,62,20,2,4,12,0,6,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,16,8,0,0,9,1,4,4,12,7,0,1,13,9,38,10,44,43,9,38,0,4,1,1,16,10,0,2,23,189,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835961351107576,0.0,0.0,0.0930264143671157,0.13117712917419996,0.0,0.07719108318824229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718085051523561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825497091778603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735170395116052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599205021382022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692257806744146,0.0,0.061955360119308266,0.1696986236855094,0.0,0.0,0.0843032215793654,0.0,0.2652846341603078,0.0,0.1422873835338224,0.0,0.18012932939443446,0.10275554544625903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284909086997526,0.0724712203385604,0.0,0.049007692281157283,0.08998346027895583,0.0,0.07867669740125638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29956203473666604,0.0,0.09261009066852452,0.09626795083861504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051551145858234566,0.07646117894254575,0.0,0.099322812194248,0.0,0.0,0.19876545627780726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261358742422571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969671941732068,0.06895528947103136,0.0,0.28938365154497303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900055834105267,0.10679423971787594,0.0,0.0,0.06356268721899512,0.2140220258112813,0.09981197985438732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006104198889915,0.0819043197344053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018397241820568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625942118999414,0.0,0.08922721669961364,0.07459514397653741,0.0,0.0,0.07474807811277483,0.0,0.09785598102671574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278712777456184,0.0,0.07491042712997012,0.0,0.0,0.0980622546475734,0.0,0.10260420271302374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446833880617677,0.10939344307174376,0.0,0.0,0.17926373041902166,0.0,0.12737085025257158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055326871168126304,0.07445569006268657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904218153842282,0.0,0.06828899939519502,0.0,0.0,0.06663427507259667,0.0,0.0,0.12081087154517947
suicidewatch,_Just-A-Normal-Guy_,2019/04/17,"How can I help a loved one who is depressed and suicidal? Good afternoon to all of this community, or good morning/evening to everyone wherever you are, whenever you are reading this.
I hope you all are having a great time and I do wish that anyone here will get over something they are dealing with now.
I really need help, there is this one friend of mine that I've really gotten close to in my school, nothing has been going on well with her, she's gotten bullied, been called fake and so forth, and has been trying to fit in in the society but has been rejected and betrayed over and over again.
She needs professional help and actually thought of asking for it, but her is afraid that her parents will take it in a wrong way and will start interacting with her in a different way when she doesn't want that, of course.
Her sister knows that she self harms and I'm proud of her but I am pretty sure that I am the reason that she stopped for the time being.
There is a lot of things that I want to say but I'm not sure I can say all of it or atleast remember all of it;therefore, I'm going to reply to as many people as possible that offer help and advice and compare it to this situation.
Have a great day everyone! Thank you I'm advance",5.98061142857143,5.6148436440000005,6.4310857142857145,80.76040000000002,66.56,10.022857142857145,30.65714285714286,9.606745405546679,2.4957542857142863,981,32,204,18,14,319,130,250,0.116,0.698,0.18600000000000005,0.9498,2,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,1,2,9,18,0,1,9,0,27,1,0,2,6,41,49,22,1,6,7,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,19,15,0,1,4,1,0,3,2,6,1,2,7,2,26,12,32,38,5,25,0,2,0,1,33,11,0,4,9,147,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.11618681621407476,0.0,0.0,0.11634548683090165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325054550254034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113063988052485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157506888720468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678479600674011,0.1227471437080756,0.10254746639840256,0.0,0.0,0.1243938912653606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786389755471671,0.0,0.0,0.2275366664929135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919865934618514,0.0,0.06220470202254465,0.0,0.13533075005816325,0.1997262180755554,0.0,0.2625313736772154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192175644144898,0.0,0.0,0.11825490056245427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543306811174122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122180090744028,0.1074576217394071,0.0,0.0,0.12070963931760158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656513716916716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424268794982098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613582617000725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322036682699474,0.0,0.0,0.0825422294447823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422391385634275,0.0,0.12112831452209577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909368595015525,0.0,0.1525476480155468,0.12241501694003246,0.0,0.0,0.13487343158888213,0.0,0.0,0.18936491344128856,0.0,0.12049656020952608,0.0,0.0,0.124207075615169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338300765184611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916593335181059,0.0,0.0,0.08427231860111503,0.0,0.0,0.09954071698489653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302339195938506,0.0,0.224428045767788,0.0,0.08951940522002738,0.0,0.0,0.10961580168888456,0.0,0.0,0.0790991477213748,0.0,0.0,0.09452150488900224,0.1388513968472325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083492016788629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045107511321253,0.18901090007101176,0.0,0.0,0.1070505568448868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691481029793534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017502273657652,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ZabrakZen,2019/04/17,"Help I’m in a dangerous place rn 
I think any moment I’m gonna snap and do something bad 
Please, someone, anyone, give me a reason not to end it today
I need a reason to keep living and I need it more than ever 
If anyone’s out there, please give me a reason to live",2.3900847457627137,2.7229279661017003,4.5625,88.62307203389831,74.42372881355931,6.5779661016949165,19.834745762711865,5.985473137389443,-0.02625762711864432,206,3,47,1,4,72,40,59,0.116,0.7559999999999999,0.128,-0.0772,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,13,10,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837616110591608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343291292046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534436158434896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417772919724335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745972846950154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339749236512032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667800656997288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472480192273486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074207295744941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581470511804597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181870083357674,0.3821615434159388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5369306107071136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749217564362935,0.13401052461559912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153946965498444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500161944201694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Gant111,2019/04/17,I hate it They love me. It hurts ill I want to to is die. None of drink as much as I do. I want to end it with seppekku. I have a sword.,-5.425546218487394,-4.944496999999998,-1.8957142857142841,117.305,121.94117647058823,1.9428571428571428,7.798319327731093,3.1291,-2.95141512605042,98,1,34,0,7,34,24,34,0.327,0.508,0.165,-0.8271,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,7,7,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742906910363346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532930260469294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31942282009134154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35606048406352964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860759918659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254945577146286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651142393940105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42543339257390345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowawayHorse0,2019/04/17,"My boyfriend is the one thing standing in my way I've been meaning to break up and cut all ties with him. I just can't bring myself to do it but I have to. He deserves so much better. He'll still be hurt but it's a lot better than ending it while in the relationship. And my heartbreak might help me go through with it if I get cold feet last second.

Fuck I never should have met him. How do you die without hurting people?? God damnit",1.0876328502415475,3.0346723043478256,2.248840579710148,97.14640096618359,81.3913043478261,4.523671497584541,20.004830917874393,5.033348758259628,-0.4591053140096619,340,9,78,1,9,108,71,92,0.247,0.624,0.13,-0.9383,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,4,7,2,0,3,0,10,2,1,1,2,16,17,8,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,2,1,12,2,11,11,3,13,0,3,0,1,8,3,1,3,5,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856284046306517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262623941041104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309422792547484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015488996850866,0.11390245198599824,0.0,0.12390143959810655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461290791596068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4667734481123794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770915866292816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534629928164306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374793559037577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127664553767746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026415818756215,0.0,0.1681445602790979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477308069828513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511423095113311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340636693817467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410494010758906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483771455414993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304805159557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015612051679408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaymytime404,2019/04/17,"I don't know what to do I feel extremely stuck in a loop that just hurts. I feel like I waste so much time trying to please people. I feel trapped in a certain place but can't tell anyone cause if I did, my whole life would combust. I have been actively planing on taking a large dose of Tylenol and then laying in my bed listening to music. I don't know what other option I have. I feel alone and feel like there is no one to talk to cause my pain just hurts other people and makes me feel more pain cause when they ""help"", it just makes things worse. I though I had escaped my dperession but it has come back with a vengence. Everytime I do anything, I visually vividly of ways I could gruesomely die. And while I never actually on them, they somewhat comfort me which freaks me the fuck out but I don't know how to escape them. I can't afford a counselor, I cant really afford t-shots, I'm a pathetic trans person and I hate my self . I will never really live up to the hype that everyone has for my success. In the end, I'm get a bag of shit that needs to be thrown out. I've read that liver failure is not a bad way to go. I misght be wrong but it comforts me that I have the option to take pills and kill myslef that way. I don't need support just wanted to type into the void. That is all the support I will ever be truly worthy of.",3.3946696528555442,3.931984730496456,4.676435237028746,87.97026315789476,72.26241134751774,7.638969764837626,24.41657334826428,7.669130373188453,0.9931957446808511,1042,27,231,12,19,346,153,282,0.241,0.644,0.115,-0.9923,2,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,4,1,11,19,4,0,14,0,27,9,2,6,5,49,54,17,2,6,10,0,6,2,0,3,6,1,1,2,16,11,0,0,9,1,0,2,11,11,0,1,4,8,39,8,27,43,5,25,0,2,1,1,10,11,2,4,11,157,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.1049141351245946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134781317271453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517340834916242,0.0,0.08847147142118107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266846210733357,0.08976625973496513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313267874675361,0.0,0.09261024269012492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583789161971764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157828259663914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522184372067988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097248842194594,0.0,0.10273029829070028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326161356104008,0.15361016057761145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939115236160992,0.056169475384831316,0.0,0.06110034279601394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061437494005961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206160685524655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301831018287833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894375413509717,0.0,0.1772538565006419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593740821814933,0.10504779440056464,0.0,0.09493319437397467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435273604561565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903213259617603,0.15943442864573978,0.16583649561558306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285147757332372,0.0,0.22879618625494266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490676291103351,0.09387348102089403,0.112324943071357,0.1180135644514895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753897444990007,0.0,0.13774716511169374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215625265529916,0.0,0.11035734763067932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440018772492069,0.0,0.0,0.16166810110749158,0.08641236974440232,0.09396837446471873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142478761953802,0.0,0.10562791197872977,0.0,0.0626898760364886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299215189487301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341211315091164,0.2560090174973209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003094245743386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956175330962953,0.07637193467514798,0.11754517741555902,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,HideMyAss938,2019/04/17,"Thinking of killing myself. I have no good reason Life just seems overwhelming, I'm behind in classes, doing poorly, have no friends, have a family who claims to care about me but just yell at me all the time. I'm seeing my uni's therapist and she almost sent me to an ER yesterday. On Sunday I put a knife in my wrist but could bring myself to finish the job. There were other ways but I threw out my meds I could OD on and left my toolbox with rope and what I would need to remove the screen from my window at home. Figure I know the vascular structure in my wrist and am on drugs which can thin my blood, so instead of the 1/40 it was fifty fifty live or die, best odds I could muster. I couldn't bring myself to do it after stabbing myself though, felt weirdly calm while doing it but think I had a panic attack after. I'm on welbutrin and just started lexapro, I take trazadone because I can't sleep without it. I can't afford a trip to the ER and since im on my mom's insurance it would just cause more arguments and problems. I talked my therapist out of sending me for this reason, but going seems like a good plan. I feel so lost.",3.0847435897435886,4.412425081196581,3.952649572649573,89.87846153846156,73.82905982905983,6.567521367521367,23.256410256410252,6.937597516519254,0.6492410256410257,895,24,189,8,18,287,138,234,0.141,0.77,0.08900000000000001,-0.9277,2,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,2,2,12,0,19,6,4,3,1,42,40,17,3,8,11,1,3,1,1,2,2,1,2,0,10,10,0,0,10,0,1,9,6,7,2,0,7,6,32,7,29,27,3,32,0,2,2,0,7,14,0,4,9,130,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108980115050073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489316891510438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980294913821326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738442720800875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347385842146942,0.1344830376073249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135685600779604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358663435211208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181675582837895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341250597175454,0.0,0.06619321403840488,0.0,0.12569637896636734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114255137078478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440050133762785,0.21960612423567014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131575385358052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414077949865449,0.0,0.12991030020740027,0.0,0.14483511112491004,0.0,0.07194599999601554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223664358881533,0.0,0.09246725931755316,0.0639571580957148,0.0,0.1155979971926928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290628673741032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541410087000847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332295377501515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706984346489744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359742773545845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252654320427805,0.0,0.13160306283107678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26919938381124003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432018800111376,0.23835536047738215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829204284523283,0.0,0.1310068862133194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266043009608003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842978960737006,0.10522238233948862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039986403146857,0.0,0.16776668662386907,0.12862071220616805,0.0,0.07633603990537306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391212431406527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619482692321649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859927446536769,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,88827888,2019/04/17,"feels like it's all come down to either the hospital or the grave at this point and whats worse is the inbetween. the uncertainty. that uneasy ambience youve created for people around you that are aware that you are unstable and have one foot in the grave already.

having your parent afraid to leave the house because of what they might come home to...or rather never come back home to ever again. 

im struggling between actually killing myself and staying alive slowly emotionally draining and killing everyone else that tries to shine their precious light on whats become this collapsed black hole of a heart in my core. 

but whats worse, i actually kill myself. maybe that just increases the gravitational pull from my pit exponentially and it reeeaallly dims everyones light around me.

its the worst possible catch 22 of a slow or fast but inevitable death to you and everyone around you some way, some how. and i feel like a murderer, which fucking KILLS and BURNS me to my core because i can hardly take the life of an insect yet hear i am. the mosquito of everyones life. dangerously infectious, annoying, and draining.

i wish i could just smile snd itd be ok. i wish i had some clue. instead i am totally breaking down and balling my eyes out trying to smoke more and more weed to stay evaporated from.this aching body and reality. meanwhile im supposed to be attending 2 interviews 4 hours. 

what a fucking shit show. 

i have these fantasies of sitting to talk with my parent and them sort of giving permission and  ""releasing"" me back to the void, us crying and embracing, me paying my respects and gratitude, then leave home and head down whatever route i was meant to kill myself.",6.881205787781353,7.933383639871383,6.675786173633442,74.89676607717044,64.69131832797427,10.464372990353699,33.877974276527326,10.467255456243755,3.642355498392284,1356,57,239,33,20,427,186,311,0.227,0.6809999999999999,0.093,-0.9946,2,0,1,0,0,3,31.0,1,5,3,0,13,21,11,2,16,1,16,10,6,1,4,49,29,23,9,4,8,2,3,2,0,1,2,1,3,0,18,25,0,0,3,3,1,7,1,16,0,1,3,9,33,5,34,21,10,34,0,2,3,2,15,12,3,7,12,159,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.1635527093821757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247498009809912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379832285184295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887349204237533,0.0,0.10216695835956223,0.09255011211946072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930825022691133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655789408914444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690718903313564,0.0,0.09204996318974938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000384140090722,0.09426330930008846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580156671127568,0.0,0.3202965663517029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474322585039636,0.11973295076618258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494282289086111,0.0,0.08038824498526717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506801227577109,0.0,0.08600260083634609,0.0,0.0944482780626922,0.0993029699511929,0.0,0.0,0.252173596980936,0.0,0.08252575949018028,0.09669352665868156,0.0,0.0,0.18103596995001114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635593962095696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774634257127846,0.0,0.0,0.11838031970419495,0.0818805367285845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418799594339076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889816909029838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463144394261791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678480085386847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186099153418346,0.0,0.0,0.058096114963962525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079217740710367,0.09447149638146847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601912022528324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863852022265786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760557246830362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300689589014981,0.06735497165871507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378890167530152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080064190963448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651624903900423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927308872765316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707979728105365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway1098646,2019/04/17,"It’s getting harder and harder Called in sick to work today.

Felt empty all morning and have been bombarded with suicide fantasies almost nonstop for the past week. It’s definitely getting worse, despite that being seemingly impossible.

I feel like the end is getting closer and closer. I can’t wait until I’m ready to take that final step.",5.813064516129033,8.08278191935484,6.375032258064518,71.44254838709679,68.51612903225806,7.540645161290323,31.754838709677426,8.238735603445708,2.8473122580645165,277,12,40,4,5,90,49,62,0.183,0.706,0.111,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,10,14,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,6,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25832996004581643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634266841073366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284939331866497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044256828350514,0.18430114560042185,0.2477015013472041,0.2826047591955967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043521062255012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603612142596388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24627134431350714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348555349402676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821885268988752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396904559644226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453511674335465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069361992988818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878126980492802,0.0,0.2629039195457823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JavaShipped,2019/04/17,"Need Help - worried for my brother! My older brother has tried to fatally cut himself twice in the last 2 months, I'm (25) supposed to be keeping an eye on him while my mum (who he moved back in with) is away. He wants me to keep our dog over Easter bank holiday weekend, which I agreed to initially (I was so busy and have category 5 man flu, so didn't even think about the implications of leaving him alone after drinking heavily). But I dont' know if I should say I can't. He's been doing better, I think, according to my mum, but shes really not the best person to be living with either, shes a mess with the whole trauma of an unexpected divorce after 30+ years.  


A little backstory, I don't like my brother at all. But I absolutely want to do the right thing, his life is far more important than me disliking him.   


Am I crazy to be so nervous for him I'm worried that he is just trying to be alone to do it again? I know he's an adult and I shouldn't baby him, that would be totally worse - I know that! But drinking + not having any responsibility to care for the dog. I dunno. I wont be able to relax all weekend. He was very vague when I asked if he was going on a hot date (he's been doing the tinder thing - which i totally disagree with) to try and get an idea of what he's up to. I'm just worried.  


I'm very emotionally drained because I had been the punching bag and emotional pawn for my parents divorce which is still ongoing after nearly 2 years and I've just lost my job (actively and frantically looking for a new one, possibly retraining as a doctor, taking online classes to get up to speed) and my body is completely rebelling against me, dry and painful skin all over (been to the doc already). I have no idea what to do - should I say I can't have the dog. It wouldn't really be lying, I have a party to go to Friday night (I don't drink but I'm the designated driver).   


I don't know. Advice would be really helpful!",3.384405058781617,4.171695284289282,5.2971027787673695,82.59301433915212,72.46633416458853,8.421838261489134,27.53838617741361,8.738905477910976,1.9353283933024588,1503,53,319,27,28,520,201,401,0.172,0.747,0.08,-0.9894,2,2,3,0,2,0,53.0,1,0,0,3,12,14,2,2,21,0,49,10,3,0,5,50,74,21,1,11,13,6,2,1,0,7,4,2,0,3,13,12,3,2,8,7,1,3,13,9,0,2,10,6,44,5,50,49,9,36,0,1,2,0,36,14,0,3,20,216,57,3,0.09951554538169824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972454391973554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613618539451284,0.10981787893950246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767398339301399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303360132073032,0.0,0.09349813073753874,0.07652131167050352,0.0,0.06066375279478552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044354252568472,0.08801341284509613,0.0,0.11053933674526488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014627308800672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434015597022772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018583775328848,0.0,0.0,0.1166314780342421,0.2924620455307612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388318825638284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572907917115027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398553021854412,0.0,0.11311395555412475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340634474337082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468187532424316,0.0,0.0,0.0987538232907786,0.17690797839672867,0.0,0.0,0.2187645647417309,0.08111845164899335,0.0,0.10537259364880128,0.0,0.0,0.07029077272741208,0.0486182687491382,0.09974072014428603,0.08787404978134918,0.0,0.08356799449007017,0.0,0.10863297340608903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943235888998802,0.10576927566986742,0.0,0.07378951594363231,0.0,0.09611273385025802,0.0,0.09338859797279953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743430903319621,0.0,0.10589155665376722,0.0,0.1105002362755843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868931357337745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121888249324101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912566198380718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498573201226822,0.0,0.15827751189809158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947324309129469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482330526460462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222741285154113,0.1275310864379731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269356882663564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642214941018585,0.11739369404999946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110555251365647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031886008039251,0.10141484259484304,0.14138597639734976,0.0,0.0,0.12816949696099075
suicidewatch,rrood23x,2019/04/17,"Let me just bitch and complain more: Birthday edition My birthday was last week and it was the closest I have come to really ending it. I went to a bar, figured I would be okay and I was okay until a girl my age came in with SEVEN friends, 2 siblings, and her parents. It was her birthday too apparently. They sat at a grouping of high tops right next to where I was at the bar. I sat there all night listening to their conversations. They had brought in a cake for her and they stayed for 4 hours eating expensive food and drinking fancy drinks and talking about their lives. And as if it couldnt get any worse, one of the guys I thought was her friend FUCKING PROPOSED TO HER and the whole place clapped and cheered. 

I sat there, dead inside, doing mental math trying to determine if I could afford another $3 beer and still get my birthday dinner at Panda Express later. 

I figured I would never tell anyone about that night because it is humiliating. 27 was already going to be a hard birthday for me because my mom got married at this age and I cannot even maintain a relationship for more than a few months. 

But I did get my Panda Express I guess. So by my sad loser standards it was an okay birthday. 

Then over the weekend after I got paid I used my hotel rewards from work plus a small amount of my own money to book a room for myself. It was nice but also sad to be alone in such a pretty place. 

And I know this is dumb, but no one on facebook even said happy birthday to me. 500 plus facebook friends. 

I'm not going to acknowledge it next year. Will just stay in bed and take benadryl to sleep until the next day.",3.5621846153846164,5.008451003076928,4.329846153846159,87.17415384615389,72.81538461538463,6.430769230769231,27.461538461538463,6.742157984588678,1.1938923076923078,1276,47,256,10,25,409,182,325,0.083,0.8190000000000001,0.098,0.6059,3,1,3,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,5,4,14,17,3,0,17,3,25,10,1,1,2,41,49,27,1,6,8,2,1,0,3,3,0,2,2,2,11,19,8,0,5,8,3,6,5,7,0,3,22,3,39,10,42,18,7,49,0,3,0,1,27,19,3,3,22,178,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186034119509304,0.11918591958014532,0.08637135393546247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344692886293328,0.11325239011551168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551942752294616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167737770663376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123528653170703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303652267879736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623299883901034,0.0,0.0,0.0696541242089311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160706055933848,0.0,0.11051581547629227,0.0,0.0,0.09566014476906863,0.0,0.0,0.14267222823499226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059976391727834,0.0,0.2503325895136516,0.09984864451444456,0.16928406141800031,0.0,0.12276316880508058,0.0,0.1727625187550811,0.0,0.1189794009485174,0.10694167602600084,0.0,0.11497305723611558,0.09675103541141857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141129408241557,0.0,0.0,0.10636291593091378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059356582170597964,0.08803828072502591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044216723637852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537016678487506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884337793138152,0.0,0.0,0.1264938496217926,0.08620835541668719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832999160629381,0.0,0.34459280832060235,0.2027102696787714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463736180481288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199264855733018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568393754068525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987965201079562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919060396880193,0.0,0.0,0.11595667430762867,0.0,0.09223546037211301,0.10273724340578108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808274270794377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302373710444466,0.08625272725464372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120612536052169,0.08681012125574493,0.09440090586123408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574370167468738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332813086198395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328142052508198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663489006826933,0.0,0.0,0.10012147879033932,0.0,0.12058343845900787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786287392155287,0.0,0.11006606019408538,0.15344694120288024,0.0,0.0,0.06955151340081753
suicidewatch,trashygradstudent,2019/04/17,"27 club I want a gun shot in my head

I am so lonely and I'd rather be murdered so I don't die alone

I thought things would get better, but no they never would

Somebody please kill me

I am an organ donor

Perhaps that is the only thing I am worth for",-0.4465476190476174,1.3986141071428548,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,86.5,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-1.1908952380952376,194,4,48,0,6,64,46,56,0.289,0.5670000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.9032,0,3,0,1,0,1,1.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,2,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,1,8,11,4,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,9,1,2,7,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915138436257817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489337640549905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921172234829349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470543443765482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888652726969826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114003764889282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170838962743777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21406754207250228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30896509588266324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373986947311308,0.0,0.0,0.22345252816900013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601591275422595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998906774712502,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,borked81,2019/04/17,"I just wrote my suicide note and I am about to end my life. By the time anyone reads this I will be dead. Not that anyone will care anyways. 

But I am ending my life. I can't take anymore. I have survived being raped and molested from age 5 to 8 by my step dad. *I am a guy.* I suffered from him beating me daily till I was bleeding. I have suffered from him torturing me and tying me to a tree for days on end no food or water, my mom not caring. him trying to kill me. I have suffered ten years homelessness. never going to school, not learning to read or write until I was 20. now I am 38. I have spent ten years homeless on the streets and have seen many deaths either natural or murders or suicides live right in front of me. I have been shot at, stabbed, had a guy shoot a gun next to my ear while robbing me and causing permanent hearing loss in my left ear. 

I suffer from morbid obesity and can't lose weight from my hormones being out of whack and from genetics being messed up. I have been obese since childhood. no matter what I did, it didn't help or work. 

I have never had family, friends, no one has ever loved or wanted me, even down to my own family. I had to raise myself since I was 5 years old. Had no childhood, never went to school etc. Lost my mom when I was 25, she passed, never knew my real dad till I was 23 then he died a few months later. no siblings no aunts or cousins. I am utterly alone in this world. 

To this day I suffer from PTSD, Severe Social Anxiety, Severe Chronic Depression, OCD, ADHD, Dyslexia, Suicidal Tendencies, I have a very addictive personality, I suffer from Regular Anxiety, Paranoia, Severe Abandonment Issues. And no meds or therapy helps. I have tried for ten years to get it all fixed.

Past eight years I have spent in the dating scene and trying to find a woman to date and settle down with. Past 8 years I have been rejected around 1600 times and told I am ugly, disgusting, worthless, useless, told I have nothing to offer a woman or give a woman, mocked at laughed at, told I don't deserve love or a relationship, told I needed to end my life for being so fat and lazy.
 

The other night I had this woman tell me she was interested in talking to me, she loved what she read about me and thought I sounded like a wonderful man. Told me she was fighting alcoholism, was 37, a single mom of 4. living with her parents and jobless. but then she seen my pics and then she said I should be ashamed of myself and I am worse than a drug addict and there is no way she would be with someone as ugly and fat as I am.

Past eight years I have put myself out there and haven't had one date let alone one woman give me a chance. maybe she is right.

Since I was 20 all I wanted to do was find someone who I can eventually settle down with. Be romantic with. who enjoys gaming either it be card games, board games, video games, or just binge watch movies or tv shows. who enjoys the flea markets, parks, lakes, long road trips to nowhere. enjoys slow dancing and snuggling. Someone who is serious and wants to eventually live together and be a real couple. Someone to grow old with and to have a long lasting relationship with.

I would love to find someone to wake up in the morning her in my arms, me sneak out of bed, make breakfast for her. Someone to go to the park, lake or just sit around the house play card/board games or do arts and crafts with and if she had kids we do that stuff as a family. 

To be a family that sits at the dinner eat dinner together. if she has kids then we have family nights every weekend and every other weekend would have family talk night where her kids and her and I could talk and say anything openly without worry or fear of being judged by each other so the kids could have that support at home they would need. 

I would love to have someone to be romantic with and have  nights under the night sky with champagne, candles, roses, and her in my arms. I would love to find someone to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and holidays together. To have that companionship, closeness, togetherness with someone. To be able to just be next to that person and they just look at you and are smiling just because you are right there next to them and you are the reason they are smiling and the reason their eyes are twinkling. 

I get told I am a great guy, an amazing guy, a wonderful man, told any woman would be lucky to have me, then when they find out I am overweight they reject me, ghost me, mock me, bully me, say cruel mean hateful things. maybe they are right though. maybe my weight does make me all those things. and because I can't lose the weight and I can't have the surgery. I will just end it and save this world from having to suffer another day with me in it.

Goodbye and I am sorry for all the misery and suffering I have caused everyone for just trying to be alive and for trying to be loved and for trying to love.",3.5895679012345667,5.060578639917701,4.384358847736628,86.71208148148148,72.7860082304527,7.15930864197531,24.894156378600826,7.699297019823105,1.1981671440329218,3826,116,772,48,75,1229,383,972,0.163,0.731,0.106,-0.9874,2,3,2,2,3,6,113.0,2,3,8,7,25,56,11,2,37,0,111,38,8,6,9,148,159,79,9,17,33,8,3,1,1,11,14,7,2,18,29,66,15,1,13,17,2,10,23,33,0,8,39,15,127,23,118,88,11,116,0,18,5,9,105,42,0,20,62,545,156,8,0.04042744533074976,0.0,0.0,0.08814376545114222,0.04858593304428991,0.0,0.0,0.04320464428735838,0.0,0.08374128216613863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02749204914108116,0.04239170136318475,0.06185377004647932,0.0,0.040093162589486864,0.056535619520367675,0.0,0.03326834286562387,0.0719779949210179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928839087928754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243694972538157,0.08306024521404252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455605097087477,0.04473219931617513,0.0,0.07821707327768154,0.0,0.03482009942445883,0.0,0.04195730558284536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03537832984468561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688300171923968,0.041367369296148176,0.0,0.0,0.17903358530770447,0.0,0.04508728805633574,0.026701946360642603,0.036568938816588216,0.06812373262515277,0.03863015649364008,0.0,0.0,0.228668385044013,0.045492115495927486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847497631369013,0.0,0.04888502736619424,0.0,0.03123414397792313,0.0,0.04224334320808886,0.07756337869997744,0.045951697664616674,0.0,0.0,0.04457140119857117,0.0,0.16011810748537153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399137325442569,0.0,0.0,0.04556466906498555,0.0,0.0541953288624558,0.0,0.04055202391915323,0.0,0.0,0.046647844018974365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219574954525994,0.0,0.0,0.04472697843412962,0.0,0.0,0.03295376372381173,0.0,0.0,0.0439245376409682,0.041339801893913536,0.08566530065611891,0.019750807719463692,0.0,0.1070945246765562,0.0715540338803999,0.03394887216554444,0.09045594077016447,0.04413133221193338,0.0,0.2918987824307928,0.0,0.05397126736506646,0.04098708422692855,0.1218444079581434,0.04403733967689967,0.04490577804729983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204440609096294,0.03226880116267807,0.0,0.0,0.059952876916902376,0.12472055244809435,0.0,0.12898514024586016,0.18969209406327892,0.0,0.038791224129084464,0.0,0.08484360649265778,0.0,0.0821840496798743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488989377420103,0.0,0.11577771308696992,0.0,0.0705993718071033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047257520175020336,0.04064074869272919,0.0,0.0,0.1213151567148112,0.09203056696108716,0.0,0.08313229396304503,0.0,0.08680789347233044,0.0,0.13809926968260736,0.03845575830137098,0.06429905433170624,0.0,0.0818294659860333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701451802680473,0.0,0.1003260016298671,0.0,0.0,0.04121068936645962,0.3082863891305295,0.0,0.0,0.045255215204075584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627975272215491,0.1326631906558394,0.045876585874432815,0.0,0.0,0.03039640763107462,0.09748214757733466,0.03533536913085812,0.0,0.04623230702250907,0.0,0.053716396606969335,0.0,0.03971975977611032,0.03209487580315098,0.047147136962527036,0.0,0.0,0.2704110954554805,0.0,0.16468548991422993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033356876302453084,0.0715354640852011,0.03208942436086165,0.0,0.14768921158701007,0.0,0.03747664684684809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038970614642091866,0.08768367988367816,0.029431661689335874,0.04105603312827208,0.041199020605313635,0.20102948070024912,0.0,0.0,0.1822376452899971
suicidewatch,fuckintictacs,2019/04/17,"URGENT. Best hospital in NYC for a suicidal patient in the middle of switching meds to treat OCD and panic disorder? I need somewhere in the NYC area that is humane and won't give me PTSD during the stay and have me come out with more trauma. I already have trauma. I don't actually want to go through with suicide but fear I will if I do not seek help. I am coherent, not delusional, and just want help. Please assist. All recommendations are beyond appreciated. ❤",3.0424219725343358,5.585482505617978,4.707116104868914,78.92811485642947,77.87640449438202,7.551061173533085,25.61922596754057,8.515128840125781,2.0962873907615487,369,14,67,8,9,124,66,89,0.254,0.613,0.133,-0.8589,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,2,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,17,15,6,2,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,8,2,12,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,46,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.20491641798971846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317251942441762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036775284057133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18088467467879005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406625862064808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362930595055383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143807183736145,0.11934010006215034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28149889114224397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332475324262073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557022415688937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463737752526138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23050198977362496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454628435074625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381754369763035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593820396070039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477108173958032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ineffabular,2019/04/17,"Things I've tried 1. Antidepressants — They work for a while and then I'm back to normal
2. Therapy — Two different therapists have basically dumped me for not ""wanting"" to improve
3. Christianity — I went through the motions but nothing happened
4. Workahol — I've gone through phases where I worked 60 hours a week or so and was miserable
5. Alcohol — This helps but is a slippery slope to needing it every night which just makes me feel shittier during the day
6. Sex/Relationships — Despite what people on here sometimes think, no one else can fix you
7. Meditation/Mindfulness — Didn't work
8. Modafinil — Works but tolerance sets in after like three days of continual use and it's too hard to get
9. Art — I've tried learning the piano, drawing, and writing  but none of these things are enjoyable for me
10. Gratitude Journal — ""I'm thankful Karen helped me at work today."" Please, I don't want to go to work in the first place
11. Jobs — I have tried to get a job I liked several times and either didn't get an offer or took the job and was just as miserable as I was at the previous job
12. Working out — I must be immune to the runner's high
13. Socializing — I only enjoy doing this when I'm drunk and sometimes I go overboard which leads me to piss people off and/or embarrass myself
14. Cooking — I like doing this sometimes I guess but I wouldn't call it a passion
15. Snowboarding — I like doing this but it's expensive and not year-round
16. Hiking/Camping — I like doing these but I currently don't have a car so it limits me and I don't really want a car
17. Making my bed/being tidy — It's nice to have a clean place but it doesn't really do anything for my mood
18. Weed — Mostly just makes me feel shittier
19. Volunteering/Community Service — Most of these things involve talking to new people so see #13

The two things I love are video games and reading about politics but they aren't enough. I am supposed to work for 8 hours a day being fucking miserable so I can come home and escape into a book or a game until I have to sleep and go back into work? How is that even living? I don't belong here. It's like I was born in the wrong time or place or something. Modern life just doesn't do it for me.",2.4199706457925667,4.62640153196347,3.91412915851272,85.57465753424658,78.20091324200915,7.002478799739075,24.583822570123946,8.037061389416179,1.5133603392041746,1733,62,343,31,42,573,235,438,0.109,0.7490000000000001,0.142,0.9595,6,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,2,12,18,21,3,4,21,0,35,10,2,6,1,60,65,37,0,7,21,0,3,6,0,2,3,0,2,0,24,16,3,2,4,9,1,12,14,8,0,5,9,4,36,12,39,52,5,51,1,3,1,3,14,15,2,8,29,213,60,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089501841865546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229059984785576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640968575397065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729313821801724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520460750291394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645119032498904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908524600525597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323352498565701,0.0,0.0,0.07821325051105339,0.0,0.049995885356476887,0.0,0.06377636821641147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654741199826169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438619498028232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997888020535488,0.11864266272470468,0.0,0.12905777226947288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338666274710119,0.0,0.06693690780287387,0.0,0.0678079221778544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147363087574922,0.07997600623070172,0.07592833538994129,0.0,0.14908880913540862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004627413022765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053465672411859004,0.2218847506702192,0.0,0.0668401409859701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06831776354895043,0.0,0.1515811577525029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643045089774139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612694147169813,0.0,0.07310677836156551,0.0,0.07103470331133935,0.07416510520143056,0.0726314691895903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129294409766656,0.05756951804017279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743230929734606,0.0,0.2372557380157679,0.08309046522885029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571556251865133,0.0,0.0969844109554936,0.0,0.0,0.0812681860614644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060319177174447736,0.0,0.0,0.08551389279419566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574974443575161,0.07716159987736984,0.0,0.058273769444945236,0.22459310403499413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060840836703489574,0.0,0.06968985819517333,0.08656391899092926,0.08788782016831187,0.20115378633847664,0.048502349776858016,0.0,0.0,0.0882768178254961,0.0,0.07175008348775208,0.0,0.08410001723601962,0.1541759683436972,0.0,0.14788618525638214,0.0,0.0,0.06537624405472738,0.0,0.0,0.1339407552176662,0.0,0.060718025999987026,0.0,0.0,0.07017009599202477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959622671010839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276068536919165,0.0,0.048745148700269435
suicidewatch,imnotagoodpersonnnn,2019/04/17,"I lost the last person who cared about me from my own doing. Last night I had a mental breakdown, and it escalated to the point where my now ex-girlfriend is scared of me and has just taken her last piece of belonging away with her. She was the last person who truly cared for me and I lost her because I'm a fucking animal that needs to be put down.

I'm ready this time.",3.941923076923076,4.2389426794871845,4.865794871794872,87.96253846153847,70.92307692307692,7.778461538461538,23.29230769230769,7.554174236665415,0.750243076923077,291,6,65,3,5,95,54,78,0.092,0.773,0.135,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,1,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,6,15,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,0,12,2,10,9,2,12,0,2,0,1,8,4,1,0,7,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038277650606848,0.0,0.0,0.11054829174572456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697935276965505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765365891155454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5912925492222557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959263673622955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275651759948955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446752896918762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018317362173874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31669282816356986,0.0,0.0,0.1714328399729084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230521480207199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156136898719136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574570114641997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cookiesandcrumbles,2019/04/17,"Is anyone else forced to keep on living? What are your reasons to keep on going and not giving up to these thoughts? I would leave behind so much debt, loose ends, apologies never made, resolutions never finalized, answers never given. The thought of leaving all that on one or more persons that I care about, is sort of strong enough for me to stop. I think.

What are some of your reasons? What are your situations? Please share with me, I feel very alone right now.",3.8761206896551705,6.282035965517245,3.5707902298850582,88.83135775862068,74.40229885057471,5.729310344827588,23.518678160919546,6.6274283507984215,0.65697816091954,367,11,69,3,8,110,64,87,0.17,0.72,0.11,-0.62,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,3,4,22,17,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,3,7,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,9,3,15,12,5,13,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895418971534576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406476637374913,0.167146662395437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632260317944414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627475298670225,0.0,0.14448536518695732,0.16855760288705213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248377473974895,0.0,0.0,0.17870168921550011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648981554689112,0.09271092636923076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899960925055016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345463677695697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404738158319494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435819637683268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991982189673353,0.0,0.377449317731584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054157250375864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243941995558262,0.0,0.1790685024625801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33545102253960035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393127117591506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833657223470496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638455530854438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452755459410487,0.0,0.2590150804989075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459989771675238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158833565955912,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kasana00,2019/04/17,"it's so hard to stay alive lmaoo I've been feeling suicidal for so long and it feels like my depression is getting harder to manage every single day.

I'm scared of dying but living is a constant battle that I'm pretty sure I'm losing at this point. I want to talk to my friends about it but I have breakdowns so often that I'm scared of bringing them down with me or making them tired of me. (If you're my friend and you come across this, I'm sorry.)

At this point, I've called the hotlines enough times to realize they don't help, and read articles and resources that all seem to say the same thing after a while. They haven't found a medication that works yet, I haven't found a therapist that my insurance covers, and I can't afford to go to the hospital because my insurance might not cover inpatient treatment. So I'm kind of stuck just waiting for something to work, happen, or change. And it really sucks.",5.517658102766799,5.630238097826087,6.004288537549408,81.80790513833993,67.47826086956522,9.08221343873518,28.683794466403164,8.841846274778883,2.052452173913044,726,22,145,11,11,235,112,184,0.16399999999999998,0.725,0.111,-0.8876,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,4,3,8,11,2,2,7,0,9,2,0,1,2,29,30,16,2,2,7,0,3,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,13,8,0,1,6,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,4,4,16,5,22,25,4,17,0,2,0,0,11,6,1,6,8,91,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650363803206076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490031337492976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501160964436926,0.12223812201817333,0.0,0.15334830226332968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151663334963313,0.0,0.1222220982718068,0.0,0.14727441939940564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466252344051123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195606227606732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350231136044705,0.1013765702717431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31118181868149525,0.2192700582597383,0.0,0.07413922031023815,0.0,0.08064757138194792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548564000114956,0.0,0.12711851788395398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511556428019746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777165196655825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932734834008503,0.0,0.12530423266775728,0.12558097629283765,0.0,0.15875478624156178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472232493273006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429538082714795,0.0,0.15053820068981946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682911531538559,0.0,0.0,0.14436784526203109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194285533297502,0.0,0.09090762688594126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284811742659442,0.2841422277170708,0.0,0.0,0.12918448533792162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924498149232448,0.0,0.1588504183333548,0.0,0.1512512669462031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552204406209508,0.0,0.13374326849876922,0.0,0.0,0.11405742485784552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476200834680702,0.09427501376249148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274562827670434,0.16309829485281774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369892357055538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661626513161446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nugz_Bean,2019/04/17,"I don't think I can go on much longer I am writing this in case I decide to kill myself and don't have time to write a note. I can't ignore the pain anymore; it's constant torture in my head over and over and I am so tired that I can't stand up to it anymore. I hate who I am also and I even if i do get better and I'm not suicidal, I'm still stuck with me as a person. I'm stupid and clumsy and I never know what to say so I can't connect to many people. I have far too many issues to even list. I feel like everything I do is stupid or wrong. I've pushed most friends I've ever had away, when I think back to all the people I've been lucky to have as friends that I've just pushed away because I can't open up or trust people. But now it's worse because I'm affecting my husbands life, he should be with someone else and whilst he is with me in stopping him from being with someone better. I feel like I have ruined his life. People keep telling me that there's other people to live for but why should I be here and be in turmoil just so a few people aren't sad? People mourn and then life goes on. I just have this acute pain/feeling  in my brain that I need to die. I shouldn't be here, life isn't meant for me. I don't know when I will get the courage to do it but I know it will have to be soon because it's getting to the point the fear of death is less than the fear of having to continue on with the constant pain of living my life. I don't have the energy to keep fighting and I promise I've been trying so hard to forge good behaviours and take my CBD oil and eat right and exercise every day and keep positive but it's exhausting. Why do I have to work this hard to not to want to die? If it's this hard, maybe it's just not right. Maybe my natural state is to not exist. I don't believe in any gods that have been described but I also don't believe that we just go to nothing necessarily. Maybe whatever is next is where I am supposed to be? It does scare me though. If there is something next what if it's even worse than now? If there is a God, why would he torture people with consciousness? What a bastard.",2.3992609970674508,3.0519548537634407,3.8116911045943302,92.83208211143696,74.65591397849462,6.7546432062561115,23.338220918866078,6.714681859716394,0.4295376344086024,1657,43,397,13,33,548,187,465,0.179,0.7120000000000001,0.109,-0.9894,0,0,1,0,2,2,32.0,1,0,0,3,32,31,8,4,13,0,56,13,2,1,3,73,81,39,6,11,21,1,5,2,2,6,10,1,0,1,26,23,1,5,10,1,0,4,18,20,0,0,6,7,48,11,54,62,5,46,0,3,0,0,16,21,1,9,21,265,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608529137883924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935726806080452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396082032151492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638364614054133,0.055809968663309104,0.0,0.13273330273221512,0.0,0.0,0.1635468677074298,0.0,0.1283832100000222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102390611224222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686759609845022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046808455211744364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065431959140946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351573506677638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426803018001531,0.06063174254037049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438163213121222,0.06565326966378766,0.061152250151077815,0.0,0.06523072514875955,0.0,0.0,0.16334661179041307,0.11009673217165293,0.10370312970225024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215111751451556,0.0,0.11376103708056726,0.0,0.08249840700642425,0.06087712815294895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505377000338173,0.07165827422992414,0.07448859158811834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575524511266246,0.0,0.19353880340795174,0.08029963327922164,0.0,0.1196651289328139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563289714719311,0.0709183885147558,0.0,0.12817992419504198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471705868731564,0.2187507767950833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05335506106137893,0.0538175637948754,0.055978600469922375,0.0,0.15438049283037225,0.0,0.0,0.06964300252486287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316924917859376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025457591583072,0.06337454333297772,0.0,0.0,0.06861208704067705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396679923251673,0.0,0.05771897257312723,0.07266579993741157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229945418419225,0.05587605920505392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796292705482211,0.06068059609513654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939134971229936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457154655272936,0.0,0.06343860645924386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930133812701568,0.07131002932956126,0.0,0.042322306813456334,0.08342067392889516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049277434296905606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042809893369392185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647799214904832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283951036246159,0.0,0.1479315778481185,0.05155914568051685,0.07935544584787307,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyOtherProfileIsNSFW,2019/04/17,"I can't see why keep going I have no job, no special skills, no friends, no money, no special one, no one by my side. Why should I even try? I can't picture a better future and my life was pretty much miserable until now. I have crippling anxiety which only make things harder for me. All I want is to not feel pain anymore...",0.930341151385928,3.04773017910448,2.9368869936034123,91.05432835820896,83.02985074626865,5.0226012793176995,21.51172707889127,6.18269132825596,0.31370106609808124,250,8,52,2,7,84,50,67,0.259,0.5429999999999999,0.198,-0.4222,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,8,13,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,9,2,0,2,1,2,9,4,4,11,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858293343232036,0.0,0.24090643817887664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483860521218395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604430874174189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282513878137805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876755508746205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805421046478106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24105568650657624,0.21591404140044085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157807070408615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621476698913167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785704984232062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32921102427052296,0.18474782773901866,0.2584787204568656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24713191671649803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357182990845773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138195321341578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492336112768027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327757937756735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43838606609264735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EL1TE1NFERNO,2019/04/17,"Asking for help just made everything worse. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. It got to the point where I had stockpiled meds and was ready to do it but a friend figured out what was going on and talked me into going to A and E.

They decided to admit me to a psych ward ""voluntarily"". That was last Tuesday.  While I was in, for the most part I just seemed forgotten about. There was barely anything to do, the staff were always to busy to talk and the doctors gave me the impression that I was blocking a bed from someone who ""really needed it.""
If i hadn't ""agreed"" to go in, they would have sectioned me. 

I was discharged on Monday despite still being actively suicidal. I feel more hopeless than ever before.
Feel closer to the edge than I did before.

What's the point? I'm tired of fighting this. Tired of feeling like I'm talking to a wall. I feel so alone in all of this. I don't want to be alive anymore.",2.624070855614974,4.400991684491982,3.98630681818182,87.29946022727276,76.00534759358288,6.8140374331550815,24.521724598930483,7.6454224807358475,1.1904868983957222,723,24,148,10,16,238,113,187,0.195,0.7040000000000001,0.101,-0.9692,0,1,0,0,2,4,25.0,0,0,2,0,8,5,1,0,12,0,20,3,0,1,2,27,37,10,2,4,4,0,4,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,10,6,0,1,9,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,15,4,17,3,31,19,5,23,0,1,0,0,12,13,0,3,8,109,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467206478091303,0.0,0.0,0.11787536860462668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049211179202428,0.0,0.0,0.11657697829600035,0.0,0.13243623605113305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410903848013992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499858050453315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814273328697176,0.0,0.0,0.12731800651603706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865172597127761,0.1012044225558913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944885771184364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415318708366299,0.0,0.11330123079400392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495404838861717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115474648494497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920962345917006,0.0,0.0,0.12536772703647298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404541553668742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573561969686918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050416797036555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340775010740518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678355675182906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075325649956917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604771137568173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896511695709356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200310117966293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313264274810468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099137210857673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34159123128771857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256426747558009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355679429479368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443671946727742,0.10063367578304744,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Xylophilus,2019/04/17,"Idk what it is I have a completely normal life, very social, very active . But for some reason I feel like this is the way my life is supposed to go. I always told myself I never could see myself passed the age of 20. If you knew me irl you would never know I think like this. Maybe i’m just good with putting up the front. The only reason why it hasn’t happened yet is because of my mom and I’m not sure what the swiftest and most painless way I could take. Idk why I think like this, I’m finishing my second year of college pretty soon but I feel like it’s not meant to be. I want to end it all but for the reasons i said before, I can’t.",0.6891754288876584,2.3710780503597126,2.4174100719424447,96.7751134477034,81.44604316546763,4.8524626452684005,17.886552296624238,5.369823440869387,-0.6281814056447153,495,10,117,2,13,163,83,139,0.03,0.8340000000000001,0.13699999999999998,0.8999,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,11,2,0,3,4,31,28,6,0,6,7,1,2,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,9,3,0,0,10,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,4,4,19,6,10,20,3,15,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,12,73,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603235773066953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500653673982114,0.0,0.11866043816385025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620914291151854,0.0,0.0,0.22267662712192635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351001747567113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101874534328745,0.19924413218708856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925181987277842,0.11696282073358966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331388493885255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663727165461243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19699325805101792,0.2725100547360376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009480335173258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633204467238507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510262426410487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662996319191256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605689979730837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186929962144734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018430041034685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301289781406644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326474966045971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112243331588073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215022715117473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314286002992231,0.0,0.1048479488152799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870598974369292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332490575837246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301193023626772,0.08225036291475843,0.22137552330097315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516612382030439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906024308926277,0.0,0.0,0.08980028889076062
suicidewatch,floofmcbuns,2019/04/17,"I'm thinking of taking my own life everyday and by each day I'm getting close to the act. Title says it all. Last year and counting been getting really tiring. I'm not sure how to get into details as I'm not good with words and expressing myself, but the point is.. I want to die, but mom would be sad right? My partner doesn't believe I'm serious and he is losing interest in me.  Sorry for wasting your time if you read this. Not even sure if here is the right place to write this. 
Have a good one!",1.8527619047619053,3.446591419047621,3.5695238095238118,90.2504761904762,77.66666666666666,6.571428571428571,23.095238095238088,7.3871296695380915,0.8322380952380946,389,12,85,5,9,130,76,105,0.227,0.716,0.057,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,2,0,1,3,8,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,3,24,19,10,1,4,7,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,7,5,11,16,3,13,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,2,5,51,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152050560273208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107780786829725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948461520413628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400156368747582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942617296005796,0.0,0.0,0.31493751258114977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303447081907515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260745230135165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100348406971362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988070620325034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721857466658418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615002513381835,0.0,0.17747650621184427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18779241693283247,0.0,0.12027208365289994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206606206426673,0.0,0.14929966477106013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016136331507304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538884938021377,0.0,0.14115832703082645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202972439024552,0.0,0.0,0.10947364337751304,0.21578136438205775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073486661318084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336625415898934,0.0,0.0,0.12089944238238975
suicidewatch,backup-chan,2019/04/17,"Past keeps coming back Without delving into my past, a lot of shit has happened. I have been having suicidal thoughts since I was about 12ish and hardcore throughout high school... I’ve never actually been to the point of almost dying because of my precious “attempts” (if you would even call it that). 

Lately these thoughts of my past and thoughts of suicide and my death have been an every day thing for me. I don’t think that I could bring myself to actually do it because a part of me is always scared about “what if I get saved”... 

I’m just feeling alone and I have been most of my life. I put up a facade on social medias that have people I know IRL and whatnot but it’s just because I have no one to talk to. 

I’ve made a lot of progress with myself these past couple years, but this shit coming back it’s literally drowning me.",4.071305220883538,5.260973379518077,4.590542168674698,86.78934738955826,71.22891566265059,6.497188755020081,27.086345381526108,6.42735559955562,1.0425718875502006,655,22,131,4,12,208,99,166,0.13,0.826,0.044,-0.9201,0,1,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,1,0,2,7,5,2,1,6,0,17,3,2,1,1,32,31,9,5,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,9,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,9,1,20,2,20,20,4,19,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,6,10,96,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.2318926337252045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189760762627636,0.12305652439253507,0.0,0.0,0.09886361182677147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272282739895415,0.0,0.21728559382955254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213234161939359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469723228275455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486412263455192,0.13146655589442274,0.0,0.0766258563417738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331122868783112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847619784797696,0.0,0.1001067758774704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06007644235015006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207594222877081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506772672622773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255345883626504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560824591348338,0.0,0.0,0.06529762580461462,0.0,0.13402851386542958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392255995371856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202455637984149,0.0,0.11242564146906253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091637465462556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051213015857185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866508446482666,0.4536895099148474,0.08237137225721647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231859502958108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944190854197242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895455899529728,0.12024713996091832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24392381410392985,0.09828500947539708,0.0,0.0,0.1211169466260577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25992868725596513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549900965522096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893541749492669,0.0761318650533187,0.0,0.28297755407973685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145334360126574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440277877464786,0.0,0.0,0.07651297514298018
suicidewatch,Exthalia,2019/04/17,"i'm not sure what to do with my life anymore i just turned 23 years old, i've been struggling with major depression for the last 10-15 years. i found out because of a game. my life went downhill really fast. i can't find any motivation to do anything aside from just playing videogames all day. i got help about a year ago, im medicated with some strong antidepressants and some other stuff. honestly, the meds help me to not be in such a bad mood but. i still can't shake off the feeling that the best thing to do is to off myself. ive been abused and bullied for most of my life.

i know that killing myself will probably mess up with most my family, but like, what does it matter, once im gone, i wont be able to care about anything, all my problems will be solved. though i cant shake the feeling about my family being fucked up if i do.. but i just cant find any motivation to live on. im an introvert, suck at socializing. 

every day is just like, why. why.

i hate it, most days i dont have the strength to get up from my bed, if it wasnt because of the little kitten i rescued from the streets. but even still. i cant find it in myself to live for him. i love him and i take him to the vet every month, for regular check ups. but i cant even think of him as a reason to live on and to enjoy life.

im basically a neet. was born in 1996, finished highschool in 2015, failed 2 high school years because of my depression, been to 4 different schools. i should be in university, or college, whatever you call it. i should be at last year of that, but since 2016, i have failed to do anything.

i hate myself. i enjoy hurting myself. i get off at the thought of hurting myself.

i tried to off myself about 2 times and failed. i have everything planed out for another attempt, but i promised my doctor i wouldnt do it.

despite knowing i shouldnt be drinking alcohol, because of my meds, i am currently drunk. and this feels the most free ill ever bee.

i dont know what to do. i feel cringey posting this on the internet. like, i know theres people who have it way worse than me. and i feel like a failure, like my problems are nothing compared to them, that i should just be able to push through them, but i cant. i hate it. i hate myself. i hate everything. i wish i could cry, but i havent shed a tear in years. 

my doctor is amazing, but, this isnt working out, because of me, and im not sure how to make it work out.
found motivation, because of a girl, but that quickly came down to shit. i am extremely jealous of anything, so anything basically hurts me. 

all i do is spend my day playing depressive games or listening to depressive shit, just so i can feel in touch with myself. because since ive been medicated, i feel like ive lost touch with myself.

i am about to be left alone, living in an aparrment, in a city, far away from my family. and im not sure how this will turn out. i have my kitten. i hope, think, i can make him happy and not kill myself for as long as hes with me.. but at the same time. its my first time ill be far away from my family. im not sure what to expect. feed myself, feed kitten, pay bills, whatever. i know what im supposed to do. but. what the fuck. i dont want to be near my family, but this is also quite... something. idk.

every day i have to resist the urge to hurt myself. idk why i do so. i really don't. all i know is that it gives me comfort and it helps me calm down, and i guess i enjoy it as well

being drunk feels like the only time im actually in touch with myself.


none of this probably makes any sense. english isnt my mother tongue. i am drunk. bleh.

i know of people who have pulled through their depression. but i fail to see any outcome for myself. all i want to do is off myself and be done with it.

i guess the only reason im posting this on the internet is because i know no one of you can actually help me, or do much. im just a fucking random stranger online, that could just be trolling or something, or whatever, some people might take me seriously, some might not. i honestly dont know what to make out of anything. 

im at my witts end. help me? i dont know? i just want to vanish.",1.0527757615748392,2.9611749445727478,2.9695133619267584,92.13503656658968,81.3094688221709,6.1561420873199175,21.856867920378324,7.2636822038024595,0.6033251292202793,3186,100,722,44,84,1067,296,866,0.21,0.657,0.133,-0.9978,2,1,4,0,1,7,132.0,0,2,3,16,31,68,14,3,30,0,89,23,2,11,10,144,149,46,2,17,38,1,11,7,0,11,11,1,1,1,40,29,7,0,31,8,5,7,29,36,1,2,15,13,126,32,118,107,18,86,0,14,1,4,27,45,6,21,38,486,166,16,0.07710501267641869,0.0456784158582892,0.07524336984038899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03417447074369714,0.04120090470969102,0.0,0.03992876973881202,0.0,0.03083042539002911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486810532702416,0.040425664350563814,0.0,0.0,0.038233726920023116,0.0,0.0,0.1903525669795123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244269755130342,0.0,0.03218973245313925,0.1880100002587655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040458476901324925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393664193999257,0.04409379674603512,0.039306849601662384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06156207853013646,0.0,0.042348117926289335,0.12431588609435715,0.0,0.16602608608779393,0.0,0.0,0.040279163640731634,0.0,0.07892024769345135,0.03373755809732259,0.0394525991282936,0.22591625152148226,0.037766779118993586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034146077625526836,0.0,0.0,0.05092713367808088,0.0348729491555523,0.09744644803771624,0.0,0.069297013633647,0.0,0.1817193594523276,0.0,0.1559464446224306,0.08262575469351527,0.0,0.0,0.10570887706674642,0.03279274219672388,0.0,0.08454166660185332,0.0,0.10692351264859123,0.04028418673139035,0.036983077022051766,0.0,0.0,0.030833961157144364,0.0,0.08493986435906818,0.0,0.0,0.04103985987796625,0.0,0.19031309229470905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920466173272901,0.04073283962579465,0.0,0.03829133764223625,0.0,0.0,0.16508502158781904,0.0,0.499719869862826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530527246841274,0.0,0.21187449248336887,0.06285087640023497,0.0,0.0,0.041887410939575584,0.0,0.10892310143896604,0.13184365064174572,0.03863973945770414,0.13617027764518996,0.03411775493269095,0.0,0.0,0.042084614817847324,0.0,0.034795142160575734,0.0,0.10293638938349048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564628700265398,0.0776751884127436,0.0,0.08179623364556426,0.0,0.0,0.030772242746793705,0.0,0.028340528066816643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699216959835766,0.0,0.04045437017234433,0.0410571610324995,0.026124176041476863,0.05864183662535645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080182361045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384528834989418,0.0,0.08313224477341148,0.07377908387191476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100533601249131,0.0,0.0,0.049395445507202096,0.07927679485308542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803438926870049,0.03072135614173085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791471874835385,0.06378206326714933,0.0,0.0,0.039299425180199625,0.0,0.059359205768398864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157616272399321,0.0,0.0,0.04030345027124296,0.04413339615091995,0.0,0.0,0.14534112389436293,0.0,0.05797337369544176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02561257214886135,0.0494057787590932,0.03787764173552458,0.03060638367579168,0.08992110590741292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026174621150664528,0.08386811253018214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821780129781738,0.03060118505980958,0.0,0.0,0.03466333316793152,0.035738559616553166,0.10436292153440138,0.0,0.04433347966473618,0.0,0.0,0.05613336754470165,0.0,0.039288297591395564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895930052941575
suicidewatch,uselessbitch25,2019/04/17,"All I feel is... nothing So I'm not sure how exactly to do this but I'm going to try. See I even feel stupid saying that. Im pathetic haha 

For years I've been depressed. Pathetically depressed about nothing. What does that mean you ask. Well I literally am depressed and have been depressed a majority of my life but can't pinpoint why. My life wasn't bad growing up but I constantly fought off the thoughts of suicide. I honestly think and thought that I'm crazy. And I've thought I've needed professional help for a long time but could never get it. And now that I have the ability to I feel like they are going to tell me that nothing is wrong. I just feel like I make everything up. I really feel like everyone pretends to care but no one really does and why should they lol I offer nothing. 

Anyway the title of this comes from what has developed over the past couple of years. All of a sudden I started feeling less and less depressed. Great! But then I realized I was becoming detached from the world. I felt nothing. I mean I get remnants of what feelings are like but I can't feel it, if that makes sense. It's not the same anymore. I hope you know what I mean. I'm just so shut off. Like the fact my mom died a month ago and I have barely cried. I can't mourn her death and it drives me nuts!

Well I don't feel like going more into depth just wanted to write out a bit because I'm having a bad night. 

I'm honestly not sure why I am writing here.  No one will probably even read this and if they do they'll probably find me annoying just like I do haha. 

TTFN",0.7559133126935009,3.109103399380804,2.5937306501548,91.60626160990714,86.21362229102165,5.8767801857585145,21.81269349845201,7.273561745256523,0.7983052631578946,1230,43,264,20,38,407,156,323,0.197,0.579,0.224,0.8916,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,2,4,0,15,30,3,0,13,3,26,2,0,3,7,66,66,22,4,7,16,1,10,7,0,3,2,1,0,0,17,12,0,0,20,2,0,6,11,12,2,2,9,12,38,18,24,53,8,30,0,6,1,0,16,10,0,3,21,164,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687775024431493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482151396121431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053121743475041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259874310023898,0.0459907848136108,0.0833234611131651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236678150993214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692156201235838,0.0,0.0,0.0649894882302418,0.0,0.0815296203878898,0.0,0.06023697255382805,0.08347884425881245,0.08287317381538417,0.0,0.0,0.3249048449848617,0.0,0.07830036152510908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204546757769098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966188364189042,0.0,0.0,0.07209126461305128,0.06780541541119063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433269204024241,0.2694908638860723,0.07243936695723105,0.0,0.0689556826604814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883416247241079,0.0,0.12863199232589975,0.0,0.0,0.0831787641996655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056942746863932,0.0,0.0,0.07493425529729708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149392397679235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04146279103402666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065785631108106,0.25801150821168434,0.0,0.0,0.06676676020523509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072071330483273,0.0,0.0,0.2465463095929887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836068153122137,0.060219758202314164,0.0,0.0,0.05594177071016621,0.05818810461395488,0.0,0.0,0.07080034972351758,0.0,0.3619592382203285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102247442761795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720211229433394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268569438579686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546576611065596,0.0,0.09666444559193628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999717009895043,0.0,0.0,0.060120175631169226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340060671072157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252496710746647,0.0,0.1422126981414618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594256087551513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048342333627593985,0.0,0.17968554059279332,0.043992790024975546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05122243996643469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044499621872985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566885969509582,0.0,0.20423307952565686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248764609904997,0.0,0.097168663045659
suicidewatch,Joker101018,2019/04/17,"Why can't I get better? I just can't take it anymore. I'm 26. I have a child of six who doesn't live with me (he lives with his father who can better support him) my depression wipes me out for days, last night I cut chunks out of my hair out of sheer anger and misery at myself for not looking after myself and I kept thinking why even try anymore? 


My son knows I love him, but I am not strong enough anymore. I keep looking at the antidepressants I have, contemplating taking a strip and closing my eyes and giving in. It's selfish, I have a child I shouldn't want to hurt him and I don't but the pain is just too much now. I hate my body, my life, everything. I used to try to look at the few positives but even they don't seem to matter anymore. My little boy is the only reason I am still breathing but even that love is going to Peter out and I'm scared. I'm scared because I want to die.",1.014037230948226,2.80613529319372,2.7577574171029693,94.19037667248399,80.8848167539267,5.291564863292613,19.511634671320536,6.139981653823899,-0.162026410703898,695,17,159,5,18,230,105,191,0.203,0.6759999999999999,0.122,-0.9149,0,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,0,1,3,8,15,3,2,7,0,15,8,4,2,0,32,38,10,1,3,8,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,13,0,2,4,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,1,5,32,6,22,36,3,17,0,2,4,2,16,10,0,1,6,105,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775947168875049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339117684746634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129577432808854,0.0,0.13373079702333726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764428844204592,0.0,0.10369533389578403,0.0,0.1249501547581584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439937502441765,0.0,0.23855766835540995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820252913331213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629009918300234,0.11549307131974547,0.0684227890093769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886433099316362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888446356623584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701188213794524,0.0,0.0,0.06616549471161072,0.09813732840932407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503797233635686,0.0,0.12066660062666215,0.21262053963665795,0.0,0.3033023764531769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173209023541172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850357765819328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112981785557253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156520177667753,0.12810789974236714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378527233562606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410711613826885,0.0,0.0,0.10960234303521883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614695052061216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662189278260095,0.0,0.0,0.1810428856112106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714373152927761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347949552810384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398191928748098,0.0,0.0,0.14202321755375216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172740491139177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dsali776,2019/04/17,"Crippling fear I'm 17, birthday is on June 1st. Ive lived about 7 years of my life with crippling fear. I am completely and utterly afraid of a simple bodily action, vomiting, it's called emetophobia I'm not making it up. My whole life I've been called crazy over it, no amount of therapy or medicine has worked to cure me. I've tried dbt, talk therapy, about 7 or 8 medicines. No one understands what it's like to live like this. Everyone makes fun of me for it. I'm so done with this fear I can't take it anymore. If I have to live like this one more second I don't want to be a part of this world anymore. I don't know what to do.",0.8745192307692307,2.6854599926470613,2.7194117647058853,94.19889140271496,81.42647058823529,6.831674208144796,21.490950226244344,7.882392219407189,0.747992760180995,493,15,118,9,13,164,82,136,0.135,0.784,0.081,-0.7257,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,4,2,0,12,3,0,2,0,12,21,5,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,3,2,0,10,4,18,18,4,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,67,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823684405182287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907337408669457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926318247285386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568510301846815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603238484539668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805883427051669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823808303237714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110808419269244,0.20865171569862928,0.0,0.3771230799449285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900546329396116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293549028285614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416348508364172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703802925231867,0.11442467248766247,0.0,0.0,0.3256052551695928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665402186567848,0.0,0.0,0.14820320141821786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396842142514771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894137980132214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364076910282263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167605144179132
suicidewatch,NamelessCupcake,2019/04/17,"Been depressed, got better/functional, got a job as a teacher, then a mental meltdown. I hate teaching. 

Not my students, they are a bit unruly, but they are nice, pure and curious. 

But I HATE teaching.

Not only am I extremely bad at it(I’m exceptional at the area that I’m teaching, but I just can’t teach), but also I get anxiety and can’t sleep just because I’ll have to teach.

I initially applied for a translation job at this school, but they claimed that everyone has to teach (which is not true). I think they like my abilities, thinking that I will one day learn how to teach, but it’s SO painful.

I’m suffering from depression, on meds, and I can get by (even rather happy when I am just translating). They claimed that I’m “not happy enough”. Well duh. 

I have been pretty normal daily, managing to function without crying or having a mental meltdown. But teaching, teaching made me so depressed. I even had a small meltdown this morning. 

I don’t even know why. My students are super sweet, even they are not that interested in the content (I tried my best to make things fun.), and that they are pretty bad at learning.

I just felt like I’m dying here. I don’t like this.

I can’t really leave, because I’ve just got here, signed a form (not contract) and everything. And my students’ teacher just left, they can’t have another teacher leaving them? But I am already suffering, in less than a week of teaching. If I request to be a translator purely, I’m afraid that I’m gonna look like a whining silly new graduate.

I can’t imagine what teaching will do to my mental health if I keep going.

Yet I don’t know what to say to them (I can’t really tell them my condition, cos they’ll sack me, and yes it’s illegal but they’ll do it and I can’t  afford to be unemployed.)

Even worse, my parents are very excited about my job, I really don’t want to disappoint them. They know one of the principals, even helped me getting this job (not in a cheating way, just that “hey this is my daughter, please help her settle down” stuff.

What should I do?

TD:LR
I hate my job as a teacher, it’s affecting my mental health. I want to quit but I can’t. Advices?",1.9575619430558573,4.210265352803738,3.4554118669854397,88.01725603129756,80.05140186915888,6.691675722668986,25.841338839382743,7.82057824672937,1.586232601608347,1673,68,337,29,43,550,191,428,0.17,0.6659999999999999,0.163,-0.8186,9,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,0,15,3,24,31,4,1,16,2,42,4,1,5,3,61,71,29,1,7,30,2,1,4,0,6,3,1,0,0,23,8,0,1,9,0,0,1,20,15,1,2,8,4,60,16,32,55,5,20,0,7,1,0,24,12,0,3,10,229,83,25,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798950238911946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880724258393115,0.06382410515368586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368784471110273,0.06105450519782029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327619343342667,0.09730298783308992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375577214524105,0.07058554445341897,0.08713195449471685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766764316078184,0.05147090957055648,0.0,0.20622095691516354,0.0,0.08283027954058153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246516403192665,0.0,0.3162828952820929,0.0,0.0,0.07626196717390896,0.07172816834406502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663020831501652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509244378476028,0.0,0.045357916935456,0.0,0.1914942743379762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991866308733916,0.0,0.23638784079837494,0.0,0.16966880049639566,0.0,0.0,0.10699005041225378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959960282476831,0.07093888061848136,0.0,0.0,0.13158462508936786,0.0,0.0,0.1690147365665739,0.08671390312012167,0.0,0.0,0.15596472669821135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702038018163932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551824281944419,0.05327385899674775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865102505929104,0.0,0.32171922202658115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708108830715579,0.0,0.0,0.07819694905809757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081627734701228,0.060699174595113876,0.08492356946300003,0.0,0.08861966702133328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760751918395049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239112031119932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488786140362094,0.0,0.0,0.15338517397741214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346819189776354,0.0,0.08077207828439394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986773416849577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136346583257217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975754191363708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053022281639161936,0.10227817420060342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054185816496005394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065851687813396,0.09414812517838857,0.06334953956607874,0.0640188451581627,0.0,0.07175886135527691,0.0,0.07201619821861316,0.0,0.0,0.07693408477575182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133330646788606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawayso____,2019/04/17,"I don't know how much longer.... Well.... here it is.... there's only threads holding me from just ending it. It all stems from one problem. One problem that can't be solve with no drugs, therapy, nor money. All I want is love...

No more, no less. Yet it seems to be such a big thing. Everytime I try to obtain it I just never seem to get it. No one truly cares about me. Every night I go to bed alone. To wake up and realize I rather be dreaming. To wake up to see people that just use me and then throw me away when I need them. Yes I'm smart. Yes I'm funny. But is all I am is an answer sheet and a quick laugh? I give people advice. I give help. Because if I can't be happy, then another person should. But I guess in the end, no one owes me anything. 

Family say they care but turn around and retaliate. Friends, I get to barely see and talk, say they care. 

So now I'm here. Hugging my blankets and pretending they're someone who cares about me. Having no reasons to get up in the morning. Is this just my fate? Just to be alone? Everywhere I turn it seems like everyone can find love. ""What's wrong with me?"" I ask myself every night. ""No one loves you"" is what I say every morning. ""Why should I live?"" I ask every moment. 

So many years of trying. What keeps me from just ending it? Maybe I'm just too scared. 

I grew up learning what a good person should be: Funny, smart, nice, and show empathy. I learned that love only comes to good people. Well I guess I grew up learning lies. 

All I want is for some to say ""I love you."" That's all I want. That's all I ever wanted. That's all I need. For someone, in real life, to show me how much I actually matter, how much I matter to them, how much they love me. Then I would be happy. Truly happy. I would tell them I love them too. That I care for them too. That I appreciate them too. And also that, I would be lost if they died too....",-0.8186792630193658,1.3205042461928969,1.3915961646926114,98.08103590900544,94.1015228426396,4.1367926301936455,14.656702387666854,5.82211442006289,-0.8582064673810863,1419,29,331,12,54,472,169,394,0.123,0.638,0.239,0.996,1,2,1,0,0,0,89.0,0,2,10,2,34,31,0,1,6,2,27,12,2,6,9,72,72,25,1,17,13,0,0,1,1,6,2,4,1,2,24,12,0,2,11,4,2,5,12,5,2,5,1,6,60,26,35,57,14,32,0,1,2,8,34,11,0,8,17,227,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.06452952440649751,0.0,0.0,0.06461764920219082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369733719713885,0.0,0.05288100976574493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933897032767711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441613723043033,0.058866239070183964,0.12363793436027624,0.0,0.062127637685893224,0.0,0.0,0.0403098503100645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370997758464943,0.0,0.0,0.05696177077442373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862844078640279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668527000678442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570426371359882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059814833610810136,0.2228563291025791,0.06318631214910972,0.0,0.0,0.062337791971766074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043804769449609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108885260209102,0.0,0.10364445730142426,0.12686834076593131,0.037580980456240316,0.11092685283825453,0.0,0.0,0.1456906850894636,0.0,0.0,0.21117735518110095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432292381588681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877590652816676,0.0,0.0,0.03634116936235598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04670681249156575,0.0323058671006042,0.0,0.058390548385753964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218443790561324,0.0,0.4177696416385728,0.0,0.0,0.06704147570489233,0.06643254470665716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444113696237056,0.0980633147508016,0.051000516653952326,0.0,0.0,0.12410971070928953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404374751477815,0.10058374141894268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753051292092885,0.11547750124359744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265474739768018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526596652825067,0.0,0.06798863314060502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103444814449377,0.06620375123297301,0.0,0.10538786368307472,0.18059612467712605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120568418448512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053149645811048606,0.057797116720818935,0.0,0.07562094612220066,0.0,0.04393123548557384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979054808180563,0.14385239326530647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057111709901355376,0.0,0.0,0.15601152307569555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189105915067574,0.0,0.059668510386790365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092222988080716,0.07229849806125163,0.0,0.04258303351501443
suicidewatch,throwawayta099,2019/04/17,"Police Visit UK Throwaway due to obvious reasons.

Last night I made a decision to significantly harm myself with the intention to end my life.
As a last ditch attempt I text Crisis Text Line.

After some back and for I had calmed down and decided to get out of the house. I left everything including my phone.

Once I managed to recoup my thoughts I gathers my things (including my phone) and went to my parents.

In the meantime, Crisis has contacted the Police and they tracked me to my parents house. This led to an encounter where I had to discuss everything in an open dialogue and I was strongly advised to stay at my parents etc.

I’m concerned with what the repercussions are now with Police (including my police records, contact with my GP/medical records and employer).",5.589334186939819,7.57981247887324,5.9811651728553175,75.1731177976953,68.5774647887324,9.38898847631242,36.85275288092189,9.800150414767053,4.084033802816903,620,34,102,15,11,199,86,142,0.083,0.884,0.033,-0.8402,4,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,9,0,5,1,0,4,1,21,10,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,0,21,2,23,4,2,20,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,8,72,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010092915565866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985703166814304,0.0,0.18869775585615306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30412408946326097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883976882050184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904578812063376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758339004079165,0.0,0.0,0.18383145310300192,0.0,0.1195078161007347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009691426359454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044670983081764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877855598088084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018773191248486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636148844367581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739611982250978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033993721779293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240600099688006,0.0,0.0,0.13432236223587873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684596394836994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ToxicTrash7,2019/04/17,Here to help If anyone needs to talk to get shit off their mind hit me up I'm here for you,-0.9436363636363652,0.21806009090909484,1.0363636363636388,107.22454545454548,84.45454545454545,4.4,11.0,3.1291,-2.157163636363636,70,0,21,0,2,23,19,22,0.142,0.7509999999999999,0.107,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,1,0,0.0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303451468654454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468334747996545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31667051717792233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770356634536038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503126364960949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849589104887774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37973410546475256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,panonymousm,2019/04/17,"I don’t know if this belongs here but just in case here it is Okay so I’ve been slowly becoming more and more depressed ever since freshman year of high school started.  I don’t know what it is but for some reason nobody likes me, I’m told I’m funny, that I’m nice, but nobody actually likes me.  I have little to no friends and I have spent multiple days crying in bed because I have no one, not even my parents.

One day someone decided to see why I was acting different, which is weird cuz I didn’t think she even knew I existed.  Let’s just say she became one of my closest friends and I love her to death.  She literally saved my life.  Her boyfriend was skeptical of our friendship at first but he soon realized why she meant so much to me and we’re cool now.

The point I’m trying to show here is, even if you don’t think your doing much by just asking someone if they’re okay, it means way more than you think it does.  You could also save someone’s life.

And to the people who are considering suicide, just know there is SOMEONE who cares, you may not even know who they are but I can guarantee there is someone.  This girl, the one that saved me from suicide, she told me that she has cared about me for a lot longer than I’ve been friends with her and if I had killed myself that would have affected her for the worst, and I feel like I made the right choice.

So please, if you are contemplating suicide, just know that someone wants you to stay.  You may not know who that is yet, just be patient, I guarantee you will find that person.",2.272428571428573,4.136643679365079,3.1073412698412715,92.82196428571432,77.28571428571429,6.277777777777778,22.67857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.5869523809523804,1209,36,266,14,28,382,159,315,0.149,0.657,0.194,0.9253,2,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,1,9,1,1,24,21,2,0,6,3,33,3,0,4,1,58,61,22,5,8,19,1,1,3,3,4,2,1,1,2,19,8,0,0,17,1,1,1,9,5,0,5,12,4,45,16,22,42,8,20,0,1,1,1,37,8,0,9,12,184,64,1,0.0,0.0,0.0880249782155163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213519354832723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843274964349413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498682545778803,0.09962197060426037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839356523901812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201964283381106,0.0,0.09908360473054707,0.11634676318736042,0.0,0.0776915900608204,0.0,0.0,0.0942427886878462,0.0,0.0,0.07893712955337208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383125499084416,0.08159364994523563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045609275673709336,0.06444094031022712,0.0,0.0,0.08244377872961163,0.0767265055676496,0.0,0.0,0.2090715147236683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530427274383108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997960985350506,0.0,0.2974387929434985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223853449658477,0.12742589349294212,0.13220568138005898,0.09040696160293207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668724481954954,0.08141160177136046,0.08535212595762626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982573570465893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261896010184684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444951662135632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015959984678316,0.0,0.0,0.06253530465410018,0.07876165696896423,0.0,0.09901565149101194,0.08527085765382522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927435620539284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770327485074848,0.0,0.07173293375102101,0.0,0.09129010874990562,0.07187999981562218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461673688380989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585715369676298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384604769069815,0.0961442455490452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960018608491989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339504895441485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238539417730964,0.0,0.0612418200161442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053203983162801866,0.07159883067365809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278809971891475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407752280541629,0.0,0.0,0.05808768361435995
suicidewatch,kateybugz,2019/04/17,"Everything is just passing time... for what? What's the point? Why?
Everything just feels the same, like nothing. It's been so long since I've had a lasting happiness. Everything I used to enjoy feels like nothing. Tedious even. Like I'm pretending. Fake. Going through the motions.
Working a terrible job just to go home and do nothing, feel nothing. Nothing is worth anything. 
There's no hope, no sunshine, no fucking reason.

I've been abused and taken advantage of my whole life. Everyone throws their expectations on me and I have none for myself. I don't care about me. I'm not worth anything. I've never been special or unique. There's a thousand people like me. But better or more interesting or more liked. Why do I exist? I'm not needed. I just take up space. Everywhere I go. Just passing through and taking up space to go somewhere else and take up space there. Imposing on anyone around me.

I can't even be a proper adult or person for that matter. There's nothing redeeming about me.

There's no one out there for me. In time everyone moves on anyway. But not me. I just wait and wait and wait. Try and throw everything at it and wait. Then they leave. And I wait for them to come back. They loved me once they could again. But they don't. It makes sense that I'd die alone. I've always been. Why would anyone be with me now?",0.6470647603027757,3.1383742260536422,1.8122231567143283,93.40814129520606,96.01149425287356,4.845192038127278,20.158957106812448,6.584502450881947,0.4718994673395014,1047,36,209,15,41,330,132,261,0.122,0.727,0.151,0.8375,1,1,0,0,1,0,47.0,0,0,6,3,22,18,1,0,7,0,17,3,0,3,1,49,44,19,1,5,16,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,7,14,0,5,4,1,2,11,12,3,0,2,6,4,26,15,25,34,5,34,0,0,1,2,9,14,1,5,14,134,33,2,0.0,0.11027627709836572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639555122871082,0.0,0.0,0.07744418595883118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015760128703074,0.0,0.1531822855367888,0.08285469624149655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156738643538052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231549866401068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489411918277177,0.0,0.0,0.08017414207939623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431121135857778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659507222986526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775054264615511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294766794742995,0.0,0.0,0.17787046641430732,0.3345920183073307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118150512027344,0.13298272935312694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604448211563022,0.0,0.0,0.21158210677920108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990779315557072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335980051920648,0.09244248253710076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236058398809106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586691144554758,0.0,0.09855086073059288,0.0,0.0,0.06574020733315931,0.22735381499805005,0.0,0.0,0.08236666982068308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400200984378854,0.0,0.06212694543947904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892186189188833,0.0,0.06901244486185708,0.07178362984060434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5358362808929968,0.0,0.0,0.09911969979297157,0.06306866869144281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645250942475131,0.08126774734884899,0.0,0.0,0.08798406207682233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569453791710993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699094146100148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993792260000727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854322118788938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319045266171654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038518258432513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25195169836070763,0.10391267266954564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775824727621989,0.0,0.0,0.0661163837137486,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,friedwormsandwich,2019/04/17,"All my ""friends"" keep stealing from me and I think it's stupid I feel this way, but I just want to die because of all the money I've lost. First in high school, my friend needed money for his truck, so I lent him $150.That was in 2012. I've lent a coworker $1000 for his procedure and it took him over 2 years to return $520 after asking and asking and asking. I finally got sick of asking and forgave the remaining $480. I lent another friend $140 for her car repair. And lent another friend $700 then $900 for his family and now he's removed any way for me to contact him. And now my friend who I was supposed to go to Iceland with rented an airbnb without telling me or consulting the price with me, but our airline collapsed and she won't be able to get a refund of $876. But she made the purchase with the assumption I'd be willing to pay $438 without even asking me. I'm just at my limit with everyone and this shitty fucking world, not one honest person left. All in all I've lost over $2,800 to my friends stealing from me.",5.2015753424657545,4.432763826484017,6.129326484018267,83.6235787671233,68.26940639269407,9.12648401826484,31.03538812785388,8.344100000000001,2.0753497716894977,814,28,177,10,12,271,120,219,0.16399999999999998,0.727,0.109,-0.9198,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,4,6,13,2,0,8,0,6,2,0,1,4,34,25,16,1,2,9,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,1,1,5,14,0,2,2,0,7,4,4,6,0,2,7,1,28,7,31,14,4,23,0,2,0,1,27,9,1,1,8,106,33,3,0.11314959952463376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694560774184825,0.2372944415938077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5288980074117662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897494565360368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743142028864842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473424334673215,0.0,0.0,0.10811929126534896,0.0,0.0,0.10666737237534872,0.0,0.05721183728472111,0.0,0.0,0.12394985557050553,0.0,0.09624499155315376,0.0,0.0,0.5245145994780883,0.1046049814921678,0.05911599567412323,0.0,0.06430552494339367,0.0,0.09049607115247918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954876424187025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057256296755283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229373709547746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24703230814689844,0.0,0.0,0.1070648869130702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389899433414626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667309697254393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987978659214021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451343548774508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988977372550083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250169459480213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571336838556108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673856540466534,0.17962577084462955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814435237774374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286463233852193
suicidewatch,communistwaifu,2019/04/17,"I feel like I’m being crushed I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely, lastingly happy. Most of the time I don’t even feel anything. These last two weeks have been my personal hell, and I just want to clean out the medicine cabinet and sleep. 

Last Sunday, my boyfriend texted me and told me that he was extremely stressed about our relationship (we’re long distance), and that he wanted to “just be friends” until I was able to be with him irl. I said that was “fine”, and that “I understood”.  I cut myself for the next few nights and looked up whether or not ibuprofen was effective at killing people. (Fun fact: it’s really not.)

On Wednesday, my boyfriend texted me that we needed to talk. He told me that he lied about wanting to be just friends but that he wanted me to be mad at him. Why? Because he wanted to die, and he actually attempted it, too. He took several paracetamol which he just threw up. He didn’t even go to the hospital. I wasn’t even mad at him in the first place, just sad, but this devastated me. 

Today, I talked with a friend that I hadn’t gotten a chance to do so with in a while. We were talking and he told me that he was sick of living and that he felt like he was worthless because people wouldn’t leave him alone to grieve . (He has been harassed by two ex-friends for several months now, and he finally filled a police report after they assaulted him and he recently lost a close friend to suicide.) He started talking about how, when he had gone to help clean his friend’s apartment, he found a knife that he took. He said it would be so easy for him to just slit his wrists and/or neck. I’ve spent the better part of the night talking him down, and he finally fell asleep. 

Now, I feel like I’m so worthless that I can’t even pick up when people are upset. I don’t even deserve to be here and all I do is make things more difficult for people. Would it have been better for me to just let my friend die? Then he wouldn’t be so upset constantly. But I’m so selfish and I can’t stand losing anyone. I barely have any friends, and all the friends I do have are better friends with other people. I’m the third wheel, and the last person who hears about things. I don’t think anyone would even notice if I was missing. It would take days before anyone even texted me to see if I was okay. I’m just too cowardly to take the jump at this moment, but the urge just gets worse every day. 

I’m sorry for putting this on everyone. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",3.611055493363185,4.747556745562132,4.160760168452477,89.63799936030706,72.27416173570019,7.532363132363132,25.339783570552807,7.917944638633933,1.183054416546724,1958,59,424,26,37,619,222,507,0.183,0.6890000000000001,0.128,-0.9886,0,1,0,0,0,2,60.0,3,0,1,8,34,39,7,3,19,1,50,6,4,4,3,74,93,35,5,14,20,0,5,3,9,6,2,3,2,2,27,24,0,0,11,0,1,9,14,19,0,4,32,10,50,20,51,46,6,59,1,7,2,0,62,16,1,4,36,265,77,1,0.06232375210367073,0.0,0.06081899174385856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645486113192052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042382288603020665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180841519507911,0.13073464971090332,0.0,0.051287137653489016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598396162848937,0.0,0.05303292267898069,0.0,0.0,0.1653608821491099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734983510550306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038732838299556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936443006425888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881497533261861,0.0,0.05251044914872965,0.059553015960778236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453828504851826,0.08904820191147372,0.11968115137798975,0.13654524813727095,0.0,0.0530125517012788,0.0,0.06833477732293414,0.4815117627454446,0.0,0.03256158815616146,0.0,0.03542002457194692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663447930198188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024339817317089,0.0,0.0417742973067792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895199767061866,0.0,0.034251504249250976,0.25401088102438474,0.0,0.06599185463838585,0.0,0.06373025908939725,0.0,0.09134471155060928,0.0,0.05503301493161116,0.05515455939764415,0.05233625512901928,0.069724336805621,0.06803373763242106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04160158848106657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974622432587164,0.0,0.0,0.04621227248347639,0.0,0.0,0.06628201740980585,0.11697323884508465,0.0,0.0,0.07095600484907676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749055012296944,0.0,0.2160372120823188,0.10883739279548443,0.06511505601388469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265258480002649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03992619148849127,0.0,0.06153718640889816,0.06691238574622843,0.0706006618440794,0.0,0.11856832049243285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966396134323926,0.0,0.0,0.1408162002528087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236876157208397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976633795932137,0.04411307251756978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139164746477672,0.0,0.0,0.0681720692471237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371941059062146,0.25046735579579826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281026314291545,0.039934543825219215,0.0,0.0,0.07268296209197672,0.0,0.05907562966922274,0.17865904788233472,0.1384879635508282,0.0,0.0,0.12176249961982888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838008187174112,0.0,0.049992354626789734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623749243403904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351322786074175,0.17709202135457355,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,CerberusF,2019/04/17,"I want to die soon I have been causing a lot of trouble for my friends and family lately, work is getting more stressful and sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore.

I have been thinking about killing myself, but making it seem like an accident, I don't want people to feel like they failed me, and I don't want my boyfriend to give up in love after me... he deserves so much better, maybe if I die in an accident it will be easier for him to move on.

He knows I have always planned to drown myself in a river since I don't know how to swim, so he would know it was a suicide, I have been looking for options but none of them seem believable enough.

I have a dormant illness, if I get reckless it could kill be but it will be slow and painful, so people will find out and take me to a hospital.

I just want to stop being such a failure and making everyone's life miserable, I am useless after all, I have no future, I'm ugly and I will die alone having accomplished nothing... if I die I will be happy knowing everything will be better for the people I love.",6.353723536737236,4.970595082191782,7.045778331257786,80.00809464508094,66.21461187214612,9.790120381901204,34.06434205064342,8.575989854853784,2.6050785388127853,829,31,172,10,11,276,117,219,0.313,0.518,0.16899999999999998,-0.9934,0,1,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,0,2,6,8,17,2,2,9,0,31,5,0,4,1,39,55,17,8,9,7,0,2,3,1,7,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,10,1,0,2,6,8,0,0,4,3,30,9,23,37,6,15,0,3,1,2,10,6,0,7,10,126,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129874575497283,0.0,0.0,0.09077412351463894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819095167725404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229104642609236,0.0,0.1929678038547175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206857224340956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710189144439921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528852829396618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272224165006875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042430460595318,0.09804576296078472,0.0,0.10284318072603137,0.0,0.11032140739037563,0.15587213617341938,0.0,0.0,0.09970903468298556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842849888494947,0.0,0.1139931900735221,0.10465195578078763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613153763916775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413905040110449,0.0,0.2398186608996896,0.0,0.12306166695003813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705561917211533,0.15989200244259766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161065255856893,0.0,0.0,0.09274697583346797,0.19692140146173112,0.0,0.1456408624892367,0.0,0.10959859156466913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594860477254927,0.08019591469590819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467768527573826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160826541870281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689407096865066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862835797373826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902428651442534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078957763147554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120664115713903,0.12496567427983753,0.0,0.0,0.1193300463436116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404873333878853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990239577589846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25738353501972155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942101051532392,0.0,0.0,0.07749654421783862,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,square_brick227,2019/04/17,"Is it like this for y'all Is it just me or does it seem like once you have truly been suicidal and faced that down, it never really stops being an option, it is just a matter of how viable an option it is to you at any given time. Like some days the thoughts are just a minor annoyance that you can tell to go away and other times you are at the point of legitimately making a plan but yeah. Is it like this for anyone else?",1.5173333333333332,3.1940009000000025,3.4819444444444483,90.13625000000003,78.8888888888889,6.277777777777778,15.694444444444445,7.1686216300943375,-0.2462222222222228,331,4,74,4,8,112,59,90,0.046,0.7909999999999999,0.163,0.8037,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,5,0,1,4,5,1,0,7,1,11,1,1,2,1,17,16,5,1,0,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,4,10,12,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,5,9,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090149592053865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544175566797756,0.24243277008199696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223009249223103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525925311753658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070571810041618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765555222781414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446973080076444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623787032232335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157937620640835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248661056468252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519797075680448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367095823607847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157708912515547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153989595638837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781481165103046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25881065613523696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680574674092492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187840255253807,0.27593595612723354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UnknownThreat25,2019/04/17,"Tonight is a bad one. Every day is a bad one. Has been for years. But then there are nights like tonight, where one stupid thing can trigger me REALLY wanting to kill myself. And tonight, it's all over a fucking rotisserie chicken.

I live in my car, so I don't have access to a fridge or stove. When I want to eat something substantial, I've got to go to the store. And because I'm barely able to make enough to support myself, due to this fucking monster we call depression, I have to use foodstamps for the most part.. And that means I can only get cold food.

Frankly, I'm tired of it. I just wanted a hot meal. Ever since I found out this store had the rotisserie chickens hidden away this whole time, I've been craving one. Tonight was supposed to be my opportunity for it. Instead, I go in to find out they're fucking sold out. 

EVERY other night there were plenty at this time. But no, I get to have a hot meal for a change and suddenly they're out. How fucking convenient.

This is the story of my life. Everything that can go wrong does. It doesn't let up. It just doesn't fucking stop. And so much shit keeps getting piled on that even the smallest things will cause it to overflow, just like how a drop of water in a full glass is enough to break the surface tension and cause some to spill out.

The problem is, only a little bit leaks through. The rest of the cup is still full. So here I am, about to fucking loose it over a god damn chicken. My mind is going back and forth between bleeding myself out or jumping in front of a semi on the nearby freeway.

I can't keep doing this shit. I can't keep ""living"" every day while constantly thinking about death and suicide. And if I hear one more person tell me it's going to get better or that I just need to eat better or that I need to seek help or any of  that other shit I'm going to go ballistic on them.

So this is how I have to end my night.. Sad, alone, angry, suicidal, and hungry. The list is far larger than that but I'm tired and not in the mood anymore. I'm just so fucking sick of this shit.

No, I do not want to ""talk"" to any of you. I don't have the energy for it. I'll reply to comments though. Unless someone can personally help me with my loneliness, nothing any of you can say will help in the slightest.",2.2490203426124182,3.9378795524625274,3.391087259100644,91.54461804068524,76.81584582441113,5.954796573875804,23.66643468950749,6.6274283507984215,0.5860535760171297,1769,56,381,15,40,571,223,467,0.147,0.7929999999999999,0.06,-0.9908,0,1,1,0,0,2,62.0,1,2,1,3,26,28,14,1,26,0,39,22,4,8,2,64,80,33,4,8,17,0,2,2,0,2,5,2,1,2,28,19,6,4,4,0,3,10,10,21,0,5,8,5,34,6,65,68,13,62,0,2,0,7,15,27,12,8,25,259,62,0,0.06869444765473644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114673060885737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014374011461314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812643332477579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454069485456257,0.05282178999129426,0.11471398884541895,0.041875497691516064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150931311107666,0.07499654513301561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014471155517102,0.0,0.0,0.14113624099580965,0.07266961706000627,0.0,0.0,0.07423429376514733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886044715748838,0.0,0.0591664271060643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060114974066373526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058313907690592,0.0,0.0,0.06084289102979936,0.14195945522137732,0.0,0.04537203480318763,0.06213806073505832,0.1736341047490458,0.0,0.06173814010852225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278548065157917,0.0,0.0830655987790834,0.07531991616935865,0.0,0.4445483695045501,0.14356005456332446,0.0,0.27328446366447906,0.0,0.054941225146712735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774236350672715,0.0,0.1381333207384793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18317634418422668,0.07600022840080012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024472691819113,0.04852091991471117,0.06712127446705027,0.06884988322897186,0.12131691163951057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585407723066462,0.0,0.0,0.074828391963409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936180954552087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049832311068235,0.1018721250236028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339525690339612,0.0,0.06591417522421819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327456777856412,0.1044904458635843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438939258502421,0.0,0.0,0.11996268404750048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573130901778176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044007422189486695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462858196828501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28205545340739463,0.05682475696883296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820458257594975,0.05288434191167817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054859474633308015,0.057431634173109126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028115234852127,0.07795364513256023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552139949254478,0.060041975080583336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127507723353052,0.04401662829693026,0.06749194604001739,0.0,0.08011256970718257,0.15790832443528086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059329946842685624,0.0,0.0,0.1620710601541239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669489758635838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510659467539899,0.0,0.044236972053714484
suicidewatch,throwaway583720,2019/04/17,"What will be better for my parents? I'm considering taking a bunch of sleeping pills and putting a bag over my head. I'd love to do something big and brave like jump off my favorite bridge. But realistically, that might not work perfectly and who knows how messy that would be. I don't want my family to have to identify my mangled body. I'd like to pass quietly and by myself. Currently I am a financial and emotional burden on my parents. I am too depressed to move out successfully, I have tried multiple therapies all of which have not worked. I know no matter what this will suck for my parents, family, and friends. I don't want to cause them pain, but that is inevitable. So I have to figure out a way that causes them the least pain. I think suicide now is the best way to go. There will be pain now but they have many pictures of me and will be able to remember me as young and full of potential not as a struggling failure. My death now, will probably be better for them in the long run. Currently we can't agree and we fight all the time. They are constantly worried sick and doing their best to fix me. Surely, death now will be easier than a lifetime of suffering for them brought on by me. They will feel awful but with time it will get better rather than suffering through the pain of watching my continued downward spiral and having our relationship deteriorate. They will probably feel like it was their fault or that they could have done something to stop me. But maybe with a well-worded suicide note I can convince them that there was nothing they could do. Maybe I should wait until my younger brother is off to college. He is hard-working, smart, and will be able to achieve whatever he wants. He will make them proud. Maybe it will be easier for everyone then. I want it to be tonight but I need it to be easiest on them. I need it to go right too. I can't end up disabled or a vegetable, with my parents forced to care for me or feel obligated to visit me. I hope I have a nice funeral.",4.052953586497889,5.545893303797469,4.780443037974685,84.24045358649789,71.65822784810126,8.40590717299578,28.609704641350213,8.936278230431713,2.1989223628691974,1585,61,320,31,30,510,191,395,0.189,0.634,0.177,-0.8795,6,0,2,0,1,2,40.0,3,0,15,11,11,32,2,1,14,1,53,11,3,4,4,63,77,27,5,12,13,5,3,3,1,15,6,1,0,0,17,19,1,2,8,0,0,9,8,12,0,0,4,5,53,20,51,46,7,42,0,3,1,1,32,14,1,5,20,232,70,5,0.16934696217981685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771918893042585,0.2246604393197079,0.0,0.09405314922097133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633025716285564,0.17396597892632545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150195225294187,0.0,0.1352097694128563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292914518947087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665036915969461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524626948716697,0.07499557182496487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809091397837226,0.0,0.0,0.15964524444945966,0.0,0.128440368577498,0.06049075180919208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541852144841187,0.0,0.04423839910042477,0.0,0.09624378120906482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585080748992269,0.0,0.0868994198981319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409987214096608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306866160835832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241015575133852,0.0,0.0,0.07493336624550873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642112255706145,0.0,0.056520206127870024,0.08584561979679647,0.2551976779326117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982518259713111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999451019411175,0.0,0.1255686266687679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124648876218063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603942152158547,0.0,0.3760795212777613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825846676226769,0.0,0.0,0.08512023546776276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090763052486747,0.09591854796620283,0.07231069020274125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473463126530571,0.0,0.0,0.13037156503003006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079082161866686,0.0,0.08851910701893584,0.0,0.18523809050053253,0.0,0.07980375385775103,0.0,0.06366392003487033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683150499335948,0.0,0.0,0.054255347717097134,0.0,0.0,0.09874757549924608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057487735546774076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997704518443045,0.1344197361260806,0.0,0.0,0.07613162837610653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849299080692378,0.0859900301953838,0.0,0.060149611565415415,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LeadeDude,2019/04/17,"Didn't get my dream job I've wanted this job for so long, thought the application and interview went really well, and I didn't get it fml",3.685517241379313,4.461577034482762,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,71.75862068965517,9.937931034482759,24.84482758620689,10.125756701596842,2.0738827586206896,110,3,25,3,2,37,23,29,0.064,0.848,0.08800000000000001,0.1663,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508422068733209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6663813557078154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971376464408345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150968967896988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665564844296344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980403552636224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30188918513640656,0.3112535251102612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dinosaurs_are_sick,2019/04/17,"I found out thet my ex/friend tried to commit suicide and I don't know what to do I'm halfway across the country and I don't know what I can do to help. I still very much care about her as a friend and I don't know what to do to help. I sent a text saying ""I talked to X like you said. I'm not good in situations like this but if you ever want or need to talk about anything I'm here anytime"" what else can I do. I don't know her current address or have her parents numbers either. Please let me know what I can do!",0.4420512820512812,1.6719130769230794,2.3866752136752147,98.79026923076924,80.62393162393163,5.021880341880342,20.247008547008548,4.935628992294339,-0.523546324786325,398,10,103,1,10,133,64,117,0.042,0.792,0.166,0.8548,2,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,14,0,0,0,2,20,28,8,1,3,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,2,18,5,13,24,2,7,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,3,5,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475355281272078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827920759993372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497688499852364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217272147125072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657574828819435,0.27702888274280274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503749866301519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403406895872805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926492293941436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833301264727213,0.0,0.1751782984562771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317944331013443,0.13293687927901554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990737624744872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196800090219324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054022298139582,0.14257390242167106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20152282620765116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317650397394974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19610769288495772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882035169568056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217221269858213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792814844533647,0.10574639997614174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Writrang77,2019/04/17,"I feel guilty for staying alive I’m not gonna do it. The last thing I’d want to do is hurt the people in my life who care about me. The world must go on, I can’t stop it for those who don’t want it to end. 

I just feel guilty for being alive. I remember being young and really knowing the beauty of the world and holding it all in my hand. I could feel the wind against my skin and see my whole life in front of me. Now I don’t feel like I have one. I’m just alive. I want to feel, I want to love, I want to be. But I don’t know if I’m capable of any of those things now. My dreams are just fantasies now. They could never be real, and perhaps there’s nothing real about them. I don’t think I could ever love someone because I don’t feel like I’m a person. 

When I was younger I always felt like I was living in an hourglass out of which I could see everything beautiful and true. Now I feel it’s all up. I’m just floating down the line, and even the things that are beautiful to me mean nothing to me. I just want to live a life that feels real, that means something to me. I’ve felt out of time for awhile. When I was younger I dreamt about suicide so I could die before I got to the point I feel like I’m at now. 

I won’t hurt myself, but living is hard.",0.2041153846153847,1.7372916642857168,2.095714285714287,99.21851648351648,82.35714285714286,5.164835164835165,18.26923076923077,5.873414542411696,-0.5599203296703297,966,21,246,6,26,320,123,280,0.064,0.777,0.159,0.9318,0,0,1,0,0,4,27.0,0,0,2,0,19,10,0,0,12,0,27,7,2,0,6,56,63,12,2,13,9,0,14,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,16,8,0,2,17,2,0,2,9,2,0,1,6,16,39,8,34,45,3,30,0,2,2,2,7,13,0,1,18,159,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317677531514619,0.0,0.0,0.05980519910845659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361008223040198,0.0,0.07483419618575705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966516404288634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510821858127421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127238939373376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789262387450424,0.0,0.0,0.058086438391211075,0.07955073322792035,0.0,0.0,0.0790387446222643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40020592188801934,0.18848246358690632,0.16888080666743133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049980821984227035,0.0,0.07033716039991174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878089698655011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882925710366419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666387063602824,0.07168641343400746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863531647326129,0.17186074157714307,0.0,0.2329695156166552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587464862404859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915944391099068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678281330885695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877002298341062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059593392856017564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096956492575109,0.07678964682095217,0.0,0.0,0.08313587214064214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30029989868675433,0.056339426451864676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962384708203446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401605809666176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451499397259866,0.06770388592086288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373701549330386,0.0,0.07352544567537236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961968857592354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527902947409865,0.05635121234586664,0.0,0.0,0.05128107946715819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112312691554465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818676775010464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MyNameIsNotMia,2019/04/17,"My thoughts are a jumbled mess and I feel like I'll never be truly happy again I've been thinking about posting this on 2 other subs but fuck it I'm posting it here.

I'm a 14 year old girl and I'm already an anxiety ridden depressed piece of shit. I've never truly been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, but I've been recommended to go to therapy by my doctors because they say it's a huge possibility but only a therapist can diagnose me.

My mom and dad love me so much, but I'm constantly being treated less than I deserve. I just want to scream at them and let it all out. I can't even tell them my sexuality in fear of being disowned or ignored for the rest of my life. I also just heard my dad threatening to kill my rabbit in the living room.

4 days ago was my birthday and only a few people acknowledged it. Didn't even get a happy birthday from most of my friends and family.

I'm bullied for what I wear and how nonathletic I am. I was pulled out of school for being a bad kid and (even though I  tried to change as much as I can) am still criticized for it to this day.

My dad always brings up how spoiled, disobedient, or uneducated I am. He always drags my dreams and tells me I'll never be able to do anything more than work at fast food if I don't do my schoolwork (which I do).

I'm not allowed to have any social media besides SnapChat and FaceBook (they don't know I use Reddit) and even then I had to beg to get SnapChat. I'm not allowed to date until I'm 16 and once my mom took away my phone because I wasn't showing her my texts even though she never asked to see them.

Why am I such an ungrateful little shit? Why can I not just get over myself and all the bad things that happen to me? I just got a snake yesterday but I'm still sitting here crying. I constantly have panics attacks and very often feel melancholy and empty. Everytime I see someone for some reason I just think of them dying in a horrible way and it always makes me feel like an awful person.

i already cut and harm myself. My mom gets mad at me every time i bring up my mental state and wont help me look for therapists. I feel like I'm just begging for attention, maybe I am.

The few things that bring me joy I often get bullied or critisized for. It literally feels like the whole world is working against me.

Honestly I feel like suicide is the only option, even though I know it isn't/ I know that I can get help but no one takes me seriouslt. I've already played out my death a million times in my head and just keep thinking about how it could all be over in an instant and I can finally rest. No more stress and no more anything.

I used to think it was just teenage edge or angst, but it's so much more. Please, is anybody listening?",3.7199260267755867,4.510728792920354,5.055398230088496,84.62113228953937,71.69026548672565,7.918765600181531,27.761515770365328,8.139509932561175,1.6803714545041983,2148,75,452,30,39,718,264,565,0.248,0.6729999999999999,0.079,-0.9989,2,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,6,2,33,31,7,3,20,1,41,11,4,9,7,90,92,47,4,3,24,6,6,5,1,1,4,4,1,3,22,25,1,2,17,3,0,7,17,18,0,2,13,13,72,13,56,70,19,55,0,2,3,2,30,21,3,11,27,308,94,4,0.06523687784201225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782855603897277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597155074917876,0.05216990764082241,0.16284692514563215,0.0,0.0,0.044363314000431,0.0,0.099812065975905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736878384348973,0.0,0.060987674451102765,0.07421636644675839,0.06129219419926993,0.0,0.1089401361037447,0.07953559045136427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901196665554044,0.0,0.0,0.14099577824354365,0.0,0.0520863385837837,0.0,0.07165964702166196,0.08414477859169736,0.0,0.11237685458558327,0.13242811556830386,0.06770557962528814,0.0,0.0,0.06677270879450388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585300553060051,0.0,0.05496488322536524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061499522496004,0.07340962450390616,0.1979143535146779,0.2330261928263905,0.0,0.07146381092252747,0.0,0.0,0.07888469163709819,0.0,0.05040184999366629,0.060310442351895636,0.20450145671768435,0.0,0.037075621062055385,0.0,0.052175890712463764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768875562759381,0.1388917390752727,0.0,0.0,0.06695185750561765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745380816626883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05798553447945636,0.07217493968460748,0.0,0.10755744591067128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670912752715875,0.04607873610349676,0.1593572163581266,0.06538448994044073,0.05760535832950438,0.0,0.05478254705976097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058878829270179185,0.0,0.04354612253220163,0.0,0.0655392122246531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574342898732631,0.0,0.0,0.22921392861915654,0.0,0.0,0.1438698343957456,0.0,0.20125880767083626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845512927114536,0.06947514580037553,0.04420619676941625,0.14884675585545762,0.0,0.07654142007704733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522703700669218,0.05696232542796423,0.0,0.07161050160378674,0.0,0.07354477774585494,0.12495779166802605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670743756082502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187898367651612,0.0,0.06602320320680212,0.10397069078607336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339294352514012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066500781486184,0.05527499489386668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104196509829083,0.0,0.0747286231556225,0.0,0.0,0.07135855598542938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905001330757221,0.0,0.11403981333140795,0.0,0.07460405526262064,0.15149008661299326,0.08668096573731611,0.16720462868594654,0.19228470376217005,0.051790793976589984,0.07608029618150386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724805716585083,0.044291557793598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126874333134694,0.0,0.05382725637820776,0.03847840078044139,0.05178199710427262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773227061033804,0.07283464436738832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949864480729002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04201041045519932
suicidewatch,Dank_Walrus2,2019/04/17,im so tired of everything my depression and suicidal thoughts get worse everyday it's so hard to get out of bed and not break down. It's so tiring to smile in from of everyone when i want to break down and bawl my eyes out thinking about how useless and worthless i feel. i'm 18 and live with my mom and brothers and i get constant ridicule from my cousins talking about how i should get a job not realizing it's super hard to get a job when you don't have the transportation and there being no jobs with in walking distance that are hiring. Then on top of the constant ridicule from my cousins they always tell me i'm a piece of shit and everything i like is garbage and when they constantly tell me everything i do and like is shit i lose all enjoyment in it. they alway put me down and make fat jokes they have no respect for me or my family even at one point calling us leeches because we have to ask my aunt for money to help us out because we struggle every month some times even going with out food for a couple days not to mention the stress that comes from than and knowing my little brother needs to eat. I keep all this stuff from my mom because she doesn't need the extra stress but i wears on me more and more each day im not sure how much longer i can take it.,7.660681818181818,5.438292795454551,7.293030303030302,81.95954545454545,64.22727272727273,10.618181818181819,35.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.7141954545454543,1014,36,221,12,12,320,141,264,0.14800000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.059,-0.9581,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,4,1,4,3,14,18,4,3,8,0,12,9,5,4,3,49,32,26,1,4,6,7,3,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,9,25,3,1,5,1,1,5,8,11,0,1,1,4,34,7,40,29,9,35,0,4,1,0,24,16,2,2,14,148,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841804932993736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899352945478779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408811637535984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720370607723884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820011924566615,0.0,0.3086126514180599,0.0,0.0,0.10533033819061792,0.0,0.12278449538308987,0.0,0.0819904432215785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974072159345829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574946385420485,0.0,0.08020504140090334,0.09096193592163228,0.2566626574611005,0.0,0.08974042076471657,0.0,0.04813294108892767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510894933969748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24867465128197966,0.0,0.05410093768513773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055023224682633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380652421185637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565168694342334,0.0,0.2833960361752389,0.08461279130730658,0.0,0.0,0.05231612680694146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930139491655498,0.09540938531876866,0.0840580363063451,0.0,0.0,0.10649772399215236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354272683931156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298009875608774,0.07598293380226563,0.0,0.06997853506295221,0.1411702732638583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450591057439566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998908900497579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569625168367656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954305234324794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21808878550526128,0.09951742611551576,0.10897434242273156,0.10412677333732316,0.0,0.08971920804149815,0.0,0.07157403267679821,0.07651332245998428,0.1664074844313669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099646437523155,0.0,0.07557339398041545,0.055508380505523744,0.2188229734679802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22901329563865486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056147881093134906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701080742325048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pc1812,2019/04/17,"Facade I have been so suicidal lately, and I’m a really happy go lucky guy socially so nobody knows. 
I tried to buy a gun the other day, but I just moved to Cali and don’t have a drivers license to buy it yet. I wish I had it because I can’t bare to wake up another day. 

I’m scared",-0.12682291666666856,1.3617582968750028,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,83.21875,6.7666666666666675,20.041666666666664,7.793537801064563,0.6769041666666671,217,6,52,4,6,80,44,64,0.14400000000000002,0.726,0.13,-0.2125,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,6,1,1,0,0,7,11,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,5,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28322354440237885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465053670675506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483844874368792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350413247605385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26744160098980896,0.0,0.2875266186256868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843997171998974,0.0,0.304684719585174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28707370058426945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303306425054735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704173567667128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753330754441145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954457111575624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338026337413274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106018280231986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SnotNosed_Punk,2019/04/17,"Put here to suffer? I feel as though i was purposefully put here just to suffer as a sick joke. God or whatever higher being that put us here is just sick and twisted and loves getting off to watching humans suffer, but if you dont bow down and worship him your whole life, then off to hell you go where you suffer even more for internity. 
Im killing myself to say i quit this sick disgusting game, guess im going to a pit of fire for some more suffering, fuck it i would rather go to hell then to be me in this world. I could write pages and pages about everything wrong with me and the world but it’s pointless, simply im fucking done. Thanks for putting me here just to suffer alone in complete fucking torment and misery. Im completely sick and done, once i completely loose fear of death and pain from a noose im a goner.",4.513685064935069,5.116354470238097,4.905649350649352,87.09389610389613,69.77380952380952,8.013852813852813,26.58225108225109,8.00094639256281,1.361338095238095,653,19,139,8,11,207,100,168,0.414,0.532,0.054000000000000006,-0.9982,0,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,4,0,1,12,20,7,1,5,0,9,10,0,0,0,23,20,17,2,4,8,0,2,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,1,2,0,7,1,16,0,0,3,4,16,4,24,13,6,17,3,6,1,4,11,8,5,4,2,88,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909323675410816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313189865166766,0.0,0.0,0.08409984144383753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558449035228955,0.1234495090885662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957146298137225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466652196072692,0.0,0.0,0.1185289261847301,0.05325953728177154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921360251331574,0.055032152872249065,0.0,0.1795895394567869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116036191360267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5688886571249868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116535374701569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439982355455868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506715850367888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121762232663088,0.0,0.0,0.1120817544787844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235550929544174,0.0,0.1120346271386414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376504127746079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697648826563836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348915242245114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670264772054507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176005495771726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482555169684152,0.11516511643752302,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,FlatBootyCheekcel,2019/04/18,"Mental breakdowns recently. Mind might be deteriorating. Recently I've been having really bad realizations. This reaction is something completely new to me. Before then I'd only cry to myself while listening to whatever album there was at the time. Pretty cringy, but it helped me through it.

Today I felt off. Listening to music and thinking about traumatizing events like finding my hamster dead underneath my bed after searching for him 3 days straight, or people treating me like garbage. I'm poor and unattractive (Not self-diagnosed), which is something I usually don't mind until someone points it out to torture my already fragile ego. Started working out recently to improve my terrible mood and was threatened by a group of teens multiple times on the way in and out. Those interactions honestly influence whether I go to the gym or not on some days. Anxiety comes over me and I just completely avoid going. My attempts at improving myself are always shot down, or they seem impossible to attain without help that others don't seem to be able to provide.

Until recently I've had all of these things crash down onto me and had them leave me to tears, but never like today. Usually I have a sense of dread/hopelessness completely seperate of these crying fits. Today the two joined together and completely destroyed me. And to add to that, I've been having trouble getting a full breath in, even now. The frustration of being able to breath, reliving traumatic events, a feeling of hopelessness and realization that that feeling of hopelessness was hopeless all sent me into a questionable fit of crying and realizing my situation was destined to be what it is. The hopelessness if a really weird and hard feeling to describe. I see that all of this suffering I've gone through means nothing. I'm decently unnattractive, african-american in a notoriously racist state and socially awkward (Or was). Regardless of how I feel, or how much damage I take from others, people will still hate, make fun of, or kick me. What I experience isn't even worthy of consideration to most people, and I understand that. The worst part isn't even that I have to go through it. It's that I can't even get people to acknowledge the existence of it. My existence is already meaningless and generally unnoticed, so having the only thing that ties me to reality, which is what I experience myself, dismissed as a lie is much more devastating than any insult anyone can conjure up.

I've improved my social skills ten-fold, I've made a habit of going to the gym, I began meditating years ago, I've had several productive hobbies that I enjoy, I've given up junk food, I've given up every bad habit I used to cope with self-hatred, and nothing. 

Nothing's changed. I'm still seen at what I was seen as before. At best, nothing, and at worst, that ugly weirdo.",7.498895348837209,8.413433259689928,7.872781007751938,67.33905523255815,63.30232558139535,11.33372093023256,37.24903100775194,11.144777236671896,4.6103054263565895,2286,109,365,63,32,751,267,516,0.27,0.6459999999999999,0.084,-0.9991,0,1,2,0,0,5,66.0,0,0,2,5,13,29,5,2,19,0,35,3,2,6,4,70,71,35,1,2,14,0,7,3,0,2,0,2,1,0,33,23,1,1,15,2,1,7,9,20,0,1,20,12,41,8,74,45,13,66,0,6,3,0,14,28,0,13,32,259,74,1,0.14670988246119035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502472941703523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618980034682567,0.0,0.06103718744567738,0.0,0.0,0.04988387548492276,0.0,0.056116329260101815,0.0,0.0,0.051291480495769266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224966237792096,0.0,0.0,0.12483930428104635,0.0,0.07698148518128041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759980130386956,0.06318878657976837,0.3076450409764744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24173087537739216,0.09461573718171384,0.0,0.0,0.07445372123967173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380098742352234,0.0,0.061804701759449285,0.0,0.0,0.14351041646633567,0.0,0.0,0.148361849422239,0.0,0.07043224717230501,0.0,0.06704508734795404,0.0,0.08870108611032312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664985835887718,0.0,0.16675721426652507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571161896377496,0.07242281774482233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833654170213912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776722911458288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751255695219868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941021904066702,0.04896499288187603,0.0,0.0,0.07990503573802797,0.0,0.0,0.07392452749413142,0.07781800046042206,0.14813515899952368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078486442644044,0.0,0.05657585286571736,0.07084665934408002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815441780178459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157947661223278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943625296589568,0.0,0.20342032000331695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934412987528768,0.0,0.0,0.07462834680892151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082174322245225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398610742588034,0.0,0.2897166194366553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058454390864527174,0.13355916695483158,0.15305040364348313,0.0828702039366795,0.0,0.0,0.08245402739474537,0.0,0.14955224955803034,0.06215340365890156,0.11294443511497905,0.0,0.0,0.05192100495882574,0.0,0.11716270164638755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515378667033228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974675269235099,0.04700288439785781,0.0,0.0,0.0855477122727421,0.0,0.2085957213553742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165711869244829,0.07636508082199774,0.0,0.06335511693366767,0.1615802085149282,0.0,0.0,0.058225737957382326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071154566911153,0.0,0.05340327086900677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723817711628352
suicidewatch,fucklifeimdone,2019/04/18,"I’m done I’m on top of a building 
I can’t move I can’t breathe I can’t do anything 
I want to move away but for some reason I just can’t I can hear the sirens in the background and I just want to jump but I also don’t want to I want to leave this world but I also don’t want to my life has no meaning anymore",-2.7563157894736814,-1.1259166315789455,0.4161052631578954,105.61573684210528,96.89473684210527,3.04,15.494736842105262,3.1291,-1.5061221052631582,240,6,68,0,10,84,40,76,0.067,0.797,0.136,0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,0,10,2,1,1,0,14,19,6,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,1,1,11,0,10,18,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32313595557849606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003652516520997,0.0,0.0,0.16625827098176985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189819309998031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067527962734421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22770906044823744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139267690309858,0.0,0.0,0.14270387945829652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220076244341091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42946422069131257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077264790866057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5958298264070047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,danisnotawesome,2019/04/18,"Hello everyone So earlier in the day I made a post that I'll help anyone in need. Just so anyone knows I'm in EST time zone and I'm not a professional, so if you need urgent help call a hotline or talk to immidiate friends or family. 
Thanks and have a great evening",3.2325000000000017,4.135260107142859,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,72.92857142857143,9.171428571428573,26.5,9.516144504307137,2.1286571428571426,210,7,46,5,4,72,40,56,0.0,0.708,0.292,0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,8,8,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,4,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,2,24,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562500279313835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601251524862676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16429072961012633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825797996914504,0.0,0.0,0.2434216595945333,0.0,0.0,0.24015278406210755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681688745869788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28085944855015554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415030662933616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000227987534697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410477552310143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777833206288417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439771915406266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475597562421394,0.0,0.2345367959912918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854501464987027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,biohazzard_,2019/04/18,"I hate myself every single second of my life I dont know what to do anymore.

Since I was 11 (Im 19F), my mother (on top of other hurtful things that should not be done to a child) has been picking aggressively on me because of my weight. Telling me ""You cant eat less, cant you"", ""dont show your tummy"", ""don't wear this, your fat is showing"" even when I tried to talk to her about any other thing, and judging me everytime I eat, including dinner and lunch. Even when taking me to doctor's appointment, she's asked the doctor to tell me Im too fat . She still does this things and it still makes me feel like the worst, less worthless human standing in this world.

Being an insecure teenager and because of that situation, I adopted this mentality of ""My worth is how much I weight"".  I developed eating disorders from 13 to almost 16, I still have some relapses and can't get rid of bad thoughts about food; and also suicidal thoughts since I was 12 or so. 

The last few years Ive been on the ""fake til you make it"" thing, but I cant do it anymore. It hurts seeing myself in the mirror, it hurts knowing how I look like, it hurts being in my own skin. And Im tired.",4.9007142857142885,4.718203693277314,5.765210084033615,84.007731092437,68.78991596638657,8.648739495798319,28.344537815126053,8.192908349453996,1.681391596638655,901,27,193,11,14,297,135,238,0.15,0.8170000000000001,0.033,-0.9798,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,0,1,14,13,2,1,7,0,23,16,4,5,0,23,36,16,1,1,3,1,4,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,19,7,10,0,5,2,1,0,8,11,0,1,7,6,34,2,23,25,8,17,0,5,2,0,15,8,0,3,10,136,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679618713921204,0.0,0.0,0.07730308766011584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573561859988948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173171347985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036886890309788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071136476713887,0.11785235969921228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078663962740784,0.19788175960679355,0.08459232651000137,0.09892201259799127,0.2265816779921301,0.0,0.0,0.2967377509669439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769284332574715,0.0,0.08144456025208058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048876805649063125,0.06905760437676539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688788630118567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050355255915922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543682560593897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139281808061761,0.0,0.31324485809723074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624927978244124,0.07879500114607213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827745605377887,0.09445142169095942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811743824957702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904948003898215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741573799734199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106000964202172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702961139257948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992482638523992,0.10865568170388143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315907473514385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573598762372607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268016467558634,0.07769578809928614,0.16897920823235152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568801286361493,0.0,0.0,0.15348266722353054,0.0,0.11110237296724104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562929339062977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354242283985741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062249189023186186
suicidewatch,Ijuswannathrowaway,2019/04/18,"I'm 99 percent certain my first suicide attempt was supposed to succeed. My luck is limitlessly bad; I've been abandoned by all my family; I'm barely holding on to my job by the skin of my teeth; I got hit in the head by broken wood planks 7 times yesterday, one time hard enough to knock me out for 10 minutes;, and now I'm being kicked out of my apartment because my landlord is ""sick of looking at [me]"".            
        
At this point, I'm convinced I was supposed to die that first time, and when I managed to fuck even That up, God decided to see what it would take for me to finally throw in the towel for good.",11.80846774193548,5.389045169354841,11.25,69.62,61.016129032258064,14.012903225806456,47.1290322580645,9.516144504307137,4.5696516129032245,467,20,99,5,4,155,82,124,0.183,0.705,0.112,-0.9042,2,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,4,3,8,1,0,3,0,7,5,3,0,2,11,17,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,4,4,13,5,24,10,3,20,0,1,2,1,0,10,1,1,9,62,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927949965718787,0.130889324825889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228420648871268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218597780432063,0.0,0.14181837419855062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241582242452466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352116809104336,0.0,0.3652758793180005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850215569135604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009420478342444,0.17172858260780313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234401416194472,0.0,0.22036130932121864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307322180068344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803079742339829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549761221191862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297671110694904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711014332255704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348652511530589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144025808056028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37560915345841467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252860347348066,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justsomerandompers0n,2019/04/18,Bye I guess 19 hours ago I made a post on this subreddit saying I was gonna kill myself on 4/20. It is currently April fourth 4:40 in the morning and I’m standing by the edge of a roof with the pills I’ve been saving up by my side my phone is at 10% I’m gonna drop my phone off the edge and then take the pills fuck life I’m done. Hopefully the pills are enough to take me out of the hell that is this world,0.4876612903225812,1.7593506021505405,2.139448924731184,100.42917338709678,80.61290322580646,5.940322580645162,17.001344086021508,6.6274283507984215,-0.5985043010752689,318,5,85,3,8,104,62,93,0.158,0.8140000000000001,0.029,-0.9217,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,9,0,7,5,0,1,0,8,18,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,8,2,13,12,1,17,1,0,0,1,4,9,2,2,6,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425702421130935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800343740306795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28274897158773243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529808732105939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014513906763647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717917451413501,0.2694857149065749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30274822324794376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328392300436725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589300069183606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620767649671458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176139003455788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114947499518993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,commonjane,2019/04/18,Every day I'm closer and closer to finally convincing myself to die I'm going to kill myself eventually. I dont care. I hate everybody and I dont want to exist anymore.,0.23714285714285666,2.651867000000003,4.671428571428574,74.03857142857146,93.28571428571428,7.371428571428572,21.285714285714285,8.238735603445708,2.2108285714285723,135,5,23,4,5,52,22,35,0.31,0.5479999999999999,0.142,-0.7752,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26706295913372835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745587316351012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366953777296298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794801273464767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312108968496052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268881331262057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949936340229287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304350621056892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658677648476788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29792908421899544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588340046673186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,strangepassznger,2019/04/18,Logic : 1800 m I the only one who is admiring this song?,-2.9450000000000003,-2.6181455000000007,1.7033333333333331,89.97500000000002,129.0,4.933333333333334,12.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.03463333333333374,42,1,9,1,3,16,12,12,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.224,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6652330625261443,0.7466357696508297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lelakat,2019/04/18,"I told myself if things haven't gotten better by graduation I'd kill myself. They aren't any better and graduation is basically here. Graduation is almost here and things only got worse. My so called best friend told me she doesn't feel bad for hurting me so much, in fact she says it's my fault I don't want her fucking a guy who hurt me a lot. Says I'm standing in the way of her happiness. 

I've survived so much these past 4 years of college. An extremely abusive relationship where I feared for my life and got raped, people using me for my friend who said the crap above, people who were awful to me. 

I got into graduate school today, my dream and what I thought I'd keep living for. I always thought if I can get to this point, I'd be okay. I can't see myself going past the end of undergraduate. Its blank. If there is anything there, it's me all alone, with a family that belongs on /r/raisedbynarcissists or /r/justnofamily. That's not worth it.

I've tried everything. I've had so many therapists, mental health doctors, psychiatrists, I take my medicine faithfully hoping to get better. It doesn't happen. It wouldn't matter to anyone if I was gone, in fact it would be a fucking relief to them. No more worrying or caring about me, it would be easier if they didn't have to worry about me.

I always played these stupid games or deals with myself. ""If it doesn't get better by point X, it's okay to kill myself."" And things always got better by that point. It got better in high school, it got better a few years in college. It always worked. But it isn't getting better now and I can't handle it. I'm so fucking scared and alone and I can't handle it anymore. I just want this to be over so I don't have to pretend for appearances anymore. I stopped going to class. I dropped organizations that were toxic for me and thought it would help but nothing has helped me. I keep fucking trying but it doesn't mean shit.",2.0185927251043547,4.29632713436693,3.5254780361757088,87.4607513416816,79.98191214470285,6.036414231763071,20.775790101371502,7.2200825789825185,0.5892547406082289,1519,42,308,20,39,500,178,387,0.147,0.752,0.101,-0.8549,0,3,0,0,0,2,49.0,0,0,3,11,15,35,10,2,9,3,32,10,2,1,3,49,71,27,2,13,14,0,1,0,2,4,3,3,0,1,33,12,0,3,5,4,1,4,16,16,0,0,19,5,46,19,34,44,7,28,1,2,1,5,24,13,6,13,8,197,79,11,0.0,0.0806368236877003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814959904057899,0.14097376649330925,0.0,0.0,0.2265166482988677,0.0,0.0,0.04628132762940318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498919516553715,0.04758727725834624,0.0,0.05600539515806733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056825039389079436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142198360569901,0.48152952037829205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949415737655934,0.0,0.06938899787771477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016413316028089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965957530564874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027860619462516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116555232340145,0.0,0.06415840686883219,0.07658343294154574,0.03441183796400385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516187012819823,0.2516716710510128,0.1422286128721795,0.0,0.07735711382697498,0.0,0.3265900503820805,0.0,0.0,0.0673874704091905,0.060182884437066764,0.07244830808962811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234177404775276,0.0,0.0,0.0912348060413778,0.07190632042482553,0.0,0.06759629869394622,0.0,0.0,0.14571358845450705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209849885869077,0.1505907349547096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807091468265926,0.0,0.0,0.06009588152118345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057859920019677234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899946467962059,0.0,0.07413439918774123,0.0,0.0,0.06858579538068978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005995707162893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530285697696685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051760676807968635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993687117958186,0.09436478606596103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930085641544081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306811758545505,0.0,0.0,0.06473811901213919,0.1082438629625359,0.06813727393122643,0.13775533084507552,0.054232891664482974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698598854904169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056898986896251676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117065276260201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790198217729461,0.13564282555005325,0.0,0.0,0.1620897869032639,0.0,0.0,0.06451040426919571,0.13006341723619974,0.0,0.09241293819673793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877969374477447,0.0,0.0,0.08028396945989154,0.05402075176945448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049546556909302084,0.1382310726001027,0.06935624772312142,0.1450379533117072,0.0,0.0,0.08765339623202607
suicidewatch,pleaseHelp553399887,2019/04/18,"I don't know how I made it through today. I don't know how I'll make it through tomorrow. Tonight I'll lay in bed tossing and turning thinking about killing myself. Tomorrow my alarm will go off at 5am but I'll have woken up naturally about 30 minutes before that. The first thought that will go through my head will be ""Fuck. Still alive."" And for those 30 minutes I will unmoving, panicking as a cold sheet of terror begins to crawl over my body at the thought of having to live through another day. My alarm will go off. And I'll go through my day getting lost in thought. Visualizing, fantasizing, and thinking about killing myself. Hopeless and alone. 

Then the night will come, and I won't know how I go through that day. I won't know how to get through the day after that. I'll lay in bed tossing and................... ""Fuck. Still alive""....my alarm will go off...

5am... Cold sheet of terror... alarm... Tomorrow... Today.. yesterday.. three minutes ago.. an infinity more of tomorrow. Why not today. Fuck. I'm still alive....",1.697438127090301,4.28912442051282,2.6026755852842807,91.50341137123749,84.28205128205127,5.8528428093645495,26.42697881828317,7.255503002510835,1.3614370122630992,782,35,161,12,23,246,89,195,0.172,0.809,0.019,-0.9846,0,1,0,0,0,3,73.0,0,0,0,2,10,13,5,6,6,0,14,5,2,6,0,25,42,14,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,0,7,8,0,0,9,0,0,7,5,13,0,2,6,2,14,0,30,26,1,39,0,2,0,3,0,10,3,0,22,91,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047881494299754,0.0,0.0,0.12243238297164814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395599594045467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059003542973076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130731398688728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182950501728508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049488431589621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055139683948794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278563435562459,0.12352218738171705,0.0,0.4030969458177206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132001435735153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615689853875333,0.0,0.2598657476835067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438370435068896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904278574815622,0.0,0.0,0.11185541977657597,0.07890768692071633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093431820627292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832136972612657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149145003999784,0.0,0.2815422948478164,0.0,0.0,0.3361545648218261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858113259652426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666829340449108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ishtherich,2019/04/18,"Bipolar + Schizoaffective Disorder  Hi! Hope everyone is doing ok! Just thought I'd share my story with you and hopefully help you out! **I BELIEVE IN YOU! You could make it through this!** Just click the link to be directed to my story if you're interested :) 

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jr3G4azY4\_UopR8sYz1aPq6VqmEEoHelTu294BDiMXU/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jr3G4azY4_UopR8sYz1aPq6VqmEEoHelTu294BDiMXU/edit?usp=sharing)",18.957884972170678,25.19594634693877,10.469721706864568,27.934044526901694,75.3265306122449,7.4961038961038975,26.903525046382192,7.686295010490155,3.0765346938775515,397,11,37,7,11,101,40,49,0.044,0.633,0.32299999999999995,0.9453,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,12,8,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,5,6,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,3,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635420814920385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576282101609281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698113218872301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083279700669147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628097388138887,0.0,0.0,0.6409743801361694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153867964701275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561663944479355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yoditronzz,2019/04/18,"I'm getting help. I used to be fine, it used to just be my dark humour from all the previous attempts. It used to just be a joke. It stopped being that way a month or so ago. I just kept getting worse..and worse.. I just drank. And smoked. Nothing else. While working slowly towards just wanting to quit working. Quit living. And quit loving the things I used to. But at the end of the month I'm finally going to a treatment facility for a month.",0.32266666666666666,2.728322488888889,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,90.77777777777777,4.333333333333334,21.94444444444445,5.985473137389443,0.28144444444444483,344,13,72,3,12,112,53,90,0.021,0.8240000000000001,0.155,0.8957,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,8,0,4,2,0,4,1,17,17,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,11,11,1,12,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,8,45,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848133290088918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050339337433653,0.0,0.1383662786874992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113351030344215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323904224383998,0.0,0.08878453439753074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047122801575896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379468440873214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409964093082885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740846104583768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989917448307852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4984838211230458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306085454680789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378692202127712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5397024250756826,0.0,0.0,0.09214375376032287,0.12400171248330955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22746288058431646,0.0,0.15920351360135368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DefiantDemands,2019/04/18,"I deserve nothing I can’t get my life together. I don’t deserve anything. I’m stupid for ever thinking I deserve a good life. Even the person closest to me agrees, I don’t deserve anything anymore. I’ll just do whatever is on my list for the day and nothing else. I don’t deserve relax. I don’t deserve fun. Just do my work and that’s all. 

I don’t even deserve to be alive anymore. I don’t know why I don’t just end it. 

I’m worthless and having nothing left. My soul is empty. If I was home no one would miss me. The world is better off without me.",-0.2794117647058805,1.816628411764708,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.41176470588232,4.072268907563025,25.306722689075627,5.288315135182226,0.4956957983193271,427,20,93,2,14,147,63,119,0.106,0.748,0.146,0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,1,0,4,0,17,2,0,0,2,13,23,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,3,0,1,1,0,18,4,7,20,1,8,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618652291766475,0.0,0.0,0.3002670714370889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613543865800987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765945994732067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524061849658108,0.0,0.16158872284791373,0.0,0.0,0.2410013407570439,0.1650284808048721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531797994897526,0.0,0.0,0.15302299529471866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300336617657045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026489431642073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19822286212082368,0.0,0.2577271838244513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5251716615588707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236268565980331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930059022959053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690093337426598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462477660795707,0.0,0.0,0.17586677487888192,0.0,0.1328193426808114,0.0,0.0,0.1296009707791588,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,olegunnarsolskjaer99,2019/04/18,"Social phobia and avoidance have messed up my 20s. If I hated the most fun decade of life, what hope is there for things to get better? I've developed really strong suicidal ideations in the last few days as I've started to think about how much of a screw up my 20s have been. I am 29 and I was incredibly close to jumping from a bridge yesterday and ending it but something held me back, I'm not sure what. I randomly found this subreddit just now so I've decided to post.

So, why have my 20s been a failure? Well, as I alluded to in the title, my 20s have been spoiled by social phobia and avoidance. 

Let's talk about college. You know how everyone sleeps around and goes to lots of parties, making tons of new friends and basically spends 4 years loving life? I hated college. Absolutely hated it. Stuck it out for 4 years and got a degree because I didn't know what else to do with myself. 

I used to wander around campus alone like a lost soul between lectures, browsing the Internet, too shy to even risk talking to someone, anyone. I made 3 acquaintances in my final year but that was it, and I don't speak to any of them anymore.  

My brain operates in a near constant comparison mode. I compare myself to what I imagine others are doing or have done with their lives.

In terms of work, I've been an abject failure there too. I worked a well-paid office job for a year back in 2014-2015 and became too anxious so I quit. Since December 2015, I've self-isolated myself by working online. The vast majority of twentysomethings spend this decade in people-oriented roles at which they at least make some new friends and connect with others. I work with my laptop for company each day. 

I've travelled to several places alone in my 20s, including Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Hungary, Vietnam. Sounds great, right? Well, not so much. You know how msot people who go on solo travel trips have the most fun of their lives, meeting people from all over the world? I spent most of my travels completely alone, wandering around cities, taking in the sights and sounds with only my own thoughts for company. 

I've lived a privileged life in many respects. I've travelled, I've went to college, I've had office experience. But compared to even just the average person, I've failed miserably at all of it because of my appalling ability to be sociable. 

If I'm 29 and have screwed up so much of life alrwady, what is actually the point in continuing at all? It won't get better; people become less willing to make friends as they age, not more, which will make my struggles even more difficult to deal with.",4.452684036393713,6.245707564516131,5.000241935483871,81.86539495450789,71.13709677419354,8.151695616211745,29.04859387923905,8.768130331264683,2.340150703060381,2056,81,381,38,39,657,258,496,0.154,0.725,0.12,-0.9432,1,5,2,0,0,0,64.0,0,2,5,10,28,31,5,5,20,0,28,9,2,9,4,66,58,29,1,3,11,0,0,1,3,3,4,3,0,1,20,24,0,3,8,4,3,8,6,14,2,0,18,4,39,17,76,35,21,60,1,3,1,3,21,31,2,10,21,246,59,12,0.0,0.0,0.07738440607348324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463896131742043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392605397656719,0.0,0.0,0.08958532285425996,0.07864332115794137,0.055447719706318635,0.0,0.0,0.21177882481497948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195210556874868,0.0,0.09667989509748398,0.08757953916450709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026708090118126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088523933881803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314351543483665,0.08569407087076006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228261739278728,0.08175380927526663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115043114295581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624415712995703,0.0,0.07023539595304197,0.0,0.0,0.15712876766669284,0.0,0.0,0.07577361343670827,0.0,0.07756965942734667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686820207214384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694728415705724,0.1837986821668159,0.0,0.08286093169337562,0.0,0.045067461429678726,0.0,0.06342267168788282,0.08742745127913214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348740995488288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876182120735131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869204291173214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307420052907728,0.06463928651450923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108862227299607,0.22404497646546606,0.03874149641210458,0.0,0.21006746673069784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656424956560907,0.06741719241603379,0.07157046304678501,0.0750346516209166,0.21173085077628773,0.08039676144258967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748817154450947,0.0,0.0,0.1531749784357896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603104792879115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649278707266587,0.06924084696714365,0.08285059964981879,0.0,0.0749632071337979,0.0,0.07594654243162655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434427059557248,0.0,0.0,0.05080098381316967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772093117552097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082726174016977,0.08958532285425996,0.0,0.06559697013224793,0.0,0.07935629041863827,0.16167073234758875,0.06718980367815107,0.061048261037819025,0.0,0.0,0.05612825564792994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290055505403927,0.0,0.08674025889325515,0.0,0.07473838940544501,0.0,0.0596229953684204,0.12747509955891936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268274634584408,0.050811611095840516,0.0,0.06295456537452834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848889390098234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389803158080767,0.07351098749870774,0.07155503283247981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23092252872595803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20426387999443066
suicidewatch,Bommieleather,2019/04/18,"I walk weird I didn’t use to walk like a dumbass. Now my friends make fun of me for it and tease me and I always laugh along with them because I have a good sense of humor. It’s not a real laugh though because I constantly wanna die. My parents shelter me because of their own fucking problems so I’m not even allowed to walk outside - this making my walk really fucking funky. Yes, I forgot how to walk. I sat around the house or laid in bed for hours because of my depression they fucking did this to me they don’t let me leave the house and there’s only so much to do.

The biggest reason for my fucked up walk is my anxiety though. I keep thinking I have the ugliest fattest deformed legs in the world and I probably do, but when I walk people see them move which absolutely disgusts me so other people must be disturbed to see me e walk the hall. I also sit pigeon footed and I walk like that too. I also look down when I walk trying to make sure I don’t trip on myself or look stupid which almost always results in me tripping or looking stupid at the same time trying not to look fat and not have a hunch back. It’s literally crippling anxiety I look like a fucking retard when I walk. If I could go back to before when I was normal I’d kill myself so I wouldn’t have to ever go threw this shit and I can’t tell my friends I walk like a retard cause of anxiety - their not like that.",1.5439668808699951,3.570245491349485,3.1751495304003967,90.68193339100347,80.24567474048443,5.512654473554129,22.43215521502719,6.5431188927421005,0.4999470093919922,1093,35,229,10,28,361,143,289,0.207,0.682,0.111,-0.9861,2,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,6,0,21,28,11,1,13,1,18,9,4,9,3,43,42,25,2,7,10,1,0,5,2,2,1,0,1,0,11,10,1,2,2,0,0,18,10,15,0,0,6,7,46,13,29,31,3,41,0,1,7,5,11,11,6,5,16,157,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344044468338006,0.0,0.0,0.14924626888394052,0.1552893681196277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141547557319008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306920181151763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350533974792376,0.0,0.2275332783809421,0.0,0.07940330104311903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958591341669158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083923272451016,0.0,0.07450359838640498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037117092137454,0.0,0.096845150764575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163298584314526,0.08440781274670292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418825711158906,0.43133622919801456,0.0,0.0,0.10606493973811026,0.0782673164642917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189544696825368,0.21534354621222485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294172887827947,0.10323806330090436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880600267807484,0.0,0.09541983908114952,0.0,0.2279424196504704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39180109369364224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686336451960212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917796433792007,0.06859649224205833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142786143986108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709694660884129,0.0,0.0,0.10361410176314367,0.0,0.0,0.1293842912737482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060822385206808,0.08928885062610704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621170745458744,0.05977930768508085,0.09594228502542086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871827816851704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578543172158192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794729630801455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156050783678075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059791813183064375,0.18336096993906356,0.0,0.05441211636241053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670809749679118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059329473962458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ventingagain,2019/04/18,Nothing left no reason. To live. I'm no so much suicidal yet but I have completely lost my will to live. I'm to old and to poor to really turn my life around. I need medical help for mental disabilities and can't afford it because I work a shit job because I can't mentally handle more. I haven't been eating more than a single normal sized meal most days. My friends are all starting their lives and to have time to do stuff like we used to. My family is all to broke and fucked up in their own ways to help. I live a long drive away from anyone but my girlfriend who is busy with school work and interning. I only worsen the lives of everyone around me. Make to much for government assistance. I've been sick almost constantly for a couple years. I've ruined my back and likely have other health issues I can't get checked out. I was just denied a lease at the only other place I can afford and am losing my place to live and have literally no one I can go stay with more than a couple nights. I want to die but if I tried to do it myself I'd just fuck it up and be worse off. Even just a stable life is unreachable. I'm so far in debt mostly due to having tried to go back to school which I couldn't handle. Last time I got this bad I got scarily reckless and probably came close to the end a few times.,2.4339880557398814,3.8408272627737254,3.952674187126743,88.90677504976776,75.64233576642336,7.317584605175848,20.483742534837425,8.00094639256281,0.6934948905109484,1026,22,225,16,22,341,153,274,0.234,0.687,0.079,-0.9954,4,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,1,0,2,4,11,11,3,0,11,0,24,10,1,3,2,37,42,16,2,5,7,0,0,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,9,18,2,0,1,0,3,4,8,8,0,1,7,0,28,3,37,32,12,37,0,4,0,2,8,15,3,4,18,148,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301185541202872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494801164083004,0.0,0.0,0.16537636596799685,0.0,0.0,0.08726940185884448,0.14284711461633334,0.07755588326048338,0.11324481846112895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623677465866843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738914489040633,0.10037670695824837,0.0,0.0,0.20555306028690196,0.0,0.059903749516360114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640094490981113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504550955274556,0.0,0.0,0.08226937623616372,0.0,0.0,0.061350289880136674,0.0,0.0,0.08875649988171228,0.0,0.0,0.08756460121792717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176344979959708,0.17174311667748868,0.048529071932042936,0.0,0.10557844488684633,0.0,0.14857874916748826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987334147626126,0.0,0.0,0.12451898041266922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694879284631454,0.0921749667279727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571444155386757,0.0,0.0,0.1009208497660813,0.0,0.13121617820011422,0.09075876062292992,0.0,0.4921199409767711,0.08220113735091047,0.0,0.10391561185610347,0.1013959801817821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200208878641275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357281632496602,0.18721436877329886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365637126366442,0.06887375040610333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716716603030615,0.09100850341295426,0.0891265682651686,0.0,0.0974681729657166,0.0,0.06294191945517415,0.14128789178715104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940920831012274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014675766899482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950511410638535,0.09550222040276032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880110682260808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534608654801464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574514913344251,0.0990040572686101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633218293293427,0.10160214656556488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248762247157386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612691735189274,0.1010332340310202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022363231362371,0.0,0.0,0.05478653627045405,0.0737285387378107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524414676798974,0.0,0.09465871224425933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981550244963268
suicidewatch,Greedy024,2019/04/18,"I completely fucked my life up. I'm stuck in the mess that I made and I see no way out of it. I'm M 34.. Made the biggest possible mess of my life.

I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was 11/12. When I was 13 I started drinking alcohol, hard drugs followed a few years later.

Since then I just cycled through a few years of heavy drinking and between a few years of heavy drug use.


I'm in financial problems because of heroin, my mental health is probably at its lowest point it ever was, I have a criminal record, society thinks I'm a loser, I think I'm a loser, my mom thinks I'm a loser because she won't even talk to me anymore.


I'm not even sure if I have any real friends. How the fuck do you even tell if someone is a friend

I'm stuck in this life that I can't get out of. I don't know how to live without drugs, I don't know how to turn my life around, and then there is a part of me who still enjoys pushing the self destruct button...


Drugs used to be able to keep the depression and suicidal thought away, now they are slowly starting to seep through.",2.5773685580426857,3.645798314159297,3.953112961998958,90.3989927121291,74.7079646017699,7.087558563248308,26.568453930244665,7.5105763829236425,1.219944612181155,833,30,187,10,17,275,124,226,0.257,0.703,0.04,-0.9937,2,0,7,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,3,14,14,3,0,14,0,17,14,0,7,2,31,47,12,2,3,5,1,1,0,2,1,10,0,0,1,7,7,3,1,7,2,0,2,7,10,0,0,10,2,23,4,26,35,4,26,0,4,1,2,10,11,2,2,12,113,30,0,0.09964098191272486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648590690710727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775928453551404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881707972688533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870159901724288,0.0,0.0,0.09361598248755636,0.0,0.0,0.12148043547967916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447167378647926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582063171606888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19522045711294744,0.4622076204026491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743578645061985,0.09013097269393132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396475091125747,0.18423296436984446,0.052058300519531586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925874831039306,0.0,0.0,0.1059137043508524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856548295060128,0.0,0.0,0.10952015564487257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815174890355005,0.0,0.0,0.08798481253634947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885654126079452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041467395896812,0.0,0.0,0.11669831375129415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790147346867733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419293471910427,0.11233023577395752,0.0,0.0,0.10742983121725164,0.0953429628819344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341325160376432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940096202302477,0.0,0.10394727502565958,0.0,0.0,0.1648480997994042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442548062744389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105279969429207,0.0,0.07957341686700553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179821236534828,0.0,0.0939104462501592,0.0,0.0,0.08008764692813564,0.08709061004577685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153775364948986,0.0,0.1582076192660383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083807756928106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721156326912357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909037353637476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605035086713533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249657648163493
suicidewatch,FightingNomad,2019/04/18,"Feel like I've got nothing. A few months ago, I found out my wife of 3 years was talking to someone else. We tried working it out, but a few weeks ago, she told me she didn't love me anymore and wants a divorce. Ever since then i feel like I have nothing to live for and think about suicide at least four times a week. We have no children and all I have is a dog and a cat. I haven't tried to kill myself but I'm afraid my suicidal thoughts will get worse and I'll end up trying to end my life.",1.8891055045871568,2.634102807339453,3.0393463302752286,97.53956995412844,75.97247706422019,5.816972477064222,23.716743119266056,5.148860815047168,0.009522018348623984,382,11,96,1,8,123,72,109,0.203,0.711,0.086,-0.9509,0,0,0,0,1,3,9.0,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,6,0,8,2,0,0,2,19,19,8,3,1,2,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,2,15,3,11,12,4,15,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,13,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777838858665684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538957888563704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308903480739959,0.0,0.27755309514690024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173070009933073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844945229431193,0.22387182314696727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179719360123485,0.0,0.0,0.08186153059359312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253154381106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334891774112154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106713641788248,0.15309691208961482,0.0,0.1383558693106706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141447677616226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250646020408408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006872789555085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961158576394152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327588299327849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427762740280201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593759868739274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039752561856456,0.0,0.12439051731843645,0.0913643784263552,0.0,0.0,0.14971938759969536,0.0,0.319136821262602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241696856064256,0.0,0.25136677290430703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406866459094595,0.0,0.15967556682692474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090010768408317
suicidewatch,DanielleChaar,2019/04/18,"Chances of surviving prescription overdose hello, my boyfriend was admitted to the ICU yesterday morning due to overdose on olanzapine and lamotrigine (not sure about dosage taken). does anyone have any knowledge/experience on how this might turn out?",10.189999999999998,13.282456717948715,8.541538461538465,56.97846153846157,58.74358974358975,12.37948717948718,46.33333333333334,11.855464076750405,6.998856410256409,208,13,25,7,3,63,36,39,0.0,0.815,0.185,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,7,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,7,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28066059215632605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885801704173575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361169986011483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037148083874973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43782576789256294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38897933522925976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489157890733537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nijelous,2019/04/18,"I have no reason to be alive, yet I live on anyway for some reason As much as I'm only 16 and this is 2:00 in the morning, I can't stop the back and forth that's been going on in my head for years, months more intensely after being rejected in late December (29th), I've just wanted to disappear, why would anyone care, they don't seem to at school. I walk into the sixth form area and feel empty, like no one wants me to be there, but doesn't want me to not be there. As much as some friends have reassured me on this I just don't believe them.
I don't think my life will amount to anything, why should it? I'm lazy, getting by on school being very simple for me, and never putting real work into anything, yet desiring to be at the top of a field in anything, which I am not, there are so many people better than me at every turn there is no point competing, just pick the others over me. This goes for literally everything, my desired career in the Games industry, relationships (which my friends all are succeeding more than me in due to my self-assumed-but-dont-actually-know anxiety), etc. The only things I am alive for is running DnD, which just wrapped up today, and my family, though why do I care, and I really don't think I do.
I'm in emotional turmoil, and want to just leave and die.",7.589318181818182,5.349204143939397,7.918787878787877,77.47318181818183,64.37878787878788,11.375757575757575,32.984848484848484,9.928628108626363,2.8234757575757574,1010,29,214,17,12,334,146,264,0.097,0.758,0.145,0.9441,0,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,0,2,5,15,10,0,1,8,0,27,2,1,3,2,39,43,15,1,8,8,0,1,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,6,1,0,5,12,2,0,1,1,1,26,8,41,33,10,37,0,1,0,0,7,21,0,3,12,152,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930665314670734,0.0,0.0,0.0816281199859875,0.0,0.28820403556647417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897667312437307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152728868040506,0.0,0.10324805213388302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380507467876246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211588730595366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681974752785886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131807042682414,0.0,0.0,0.1301972310741,0.0,0.0,0.0983594460942618,0.0,0.10491940980271416,0.0,0.11005315781289647,0.0,0.05902782844697015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038783152423035,0.0,0.06099242773410935,0.0,0.06634668059444937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981009023949833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415787791701043,0.0,0.13168909166325118,0.12361201197460532,0.0,0.0,0.08245772016435478,0.057033824552456765,0.0,0.1030845660877663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183571934838768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318166477903762,0.0,0.1716363417325618,0.0,0.09003796461701426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910681826332283,0.1775737962102359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093360792241297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103581120894098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735709058305507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287697607296375,0.07478736409849274,0.24005867182126145,0.0,0.12533629602373775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362965339219747,0.0,0.10627675005712484,0.121786470109247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760082099746024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755762658387277,0.14960601839645896,0.11469757806937522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065695125700638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698083808422306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632366724816516,0.27542779791520805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160221648385657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849889408534238,0.0,0.0,0.08292955692881575,0.0,0.0,0.07517746714067602
suicidewatch,thiccnessanimuthighs,2019/04/18,"Everything is falling apart My parents are always fighting because my dad probably has schizophrenia. So he has fucked up everything for himself and my family financially. So on top of having to leave the house because they always fight we need to move somewhere far due to not having much money to stay in cali. That means I have to leave the only person I love, my girlfriend. I'm missing school too due to having to leave the house and my mom never picks us up. If I move I'm going to have nothing left. I might as well just end it all. I mean yeah my mom will be sad but she isn't even helping. But I worry for siblings. They will be left alone with those crazy fucks. Idk what do to.",1.6686956521739162,4.076515144927541,2.790753623188408,91.44047826086958,82.33333333333334,5.1292753623188405,21.518840579710144,6.42735559955562,0.3792544927536232,542,17,109,5,15,173,92,138,0.215,0.736,0.049,-0.9632,1,1,0,0,3,0,12.0,2,0,2,1,6,8,4,0,3,1,16,3,0,1,2,16,26,8,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,4,3,6,1,0,0,0,18,2,18,21,2,18,0,2,0,3,17,9,2,2,4,74,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299931598945619,0.0,0.0,0.2088730095928341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302258362381913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116687435106776,0.0,0.0,0.08289986236104181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256051922566028,0.0,0.11832207154763495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23206867908589646,0.0,0.0,0.07133168047382095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412842349820486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896492859645799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.398699036420355,0.2727395280874224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327998603566054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27343994693528184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331489919250532,0.0,0.2939975874181523,0.0,0.2667999766808737,0.09226617350308637,0.09306597312107097,0.09680302413066576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043268672943415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954579579438044,0.0,0.0,0.13936684483675574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959272643531798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532376852472314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702541185009816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337796893346023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097615612345403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285086518950325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746409754012475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,waytothedawnnn,2019/04/18,"everything means nothing to me i really am trying to be grateful that i am starting to gain support but it just isn't helping me. it's not. i dont want to live anymore i really dont. nothing is out of place, its just me. its fucking me",-0.7942016806722698,1.3517768627451048,2.5220168067226894,89.95764705882355,94.09803921568628,5.2672268907563025,24.932773109243694,6.868970318607317,1.2696420168067228,184,9,39,3,7,66,33,51,0.049,0.7979999999999999,0.153,0.4524,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,12,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,6,11,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22418502437110974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298676789643466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031629393964256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208983465820728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151936561143034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961000059165326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462392944599821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338102042887649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23617852639200376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896322186434457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000232664472633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565236279220313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347596358683066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333262434747992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,xitoutofmylyfe,2019/04/18,"My friend needs help I just found out that my friends cut her arms. I don’t know what to do. I’m in middle school and the counselors at our school are pretty bad. How can I help her? When she told me today, I just tried to distract her and not let the mood down. She told our friend group this. Although I do not know the exact reason why she is doing this, her friends have said it’s because of what people say to her, which brings her down. Is there anything else I can say or do to help bring her spirits up? I am not sure if she is suicidal, but she is depressed. Her parents don’t know about this. I don’t want to tell the counselors about this nor do I want to tell another adult because I feel like I might break her trust and go deeper in the hole that she’s in. I truly love her as a friend and she’s always been so happy. How can I at least make her feel better slightly?",1.5813829787234042,3.073779000000002,2.4871808510638296,98.15875,78.14893617021276,5.125531914893617,19.72872340425532,5.148860815047168,-0.5048680851063829,684,15,163,2,16,215,101,188,0.067,0.687,0.246,0.9894,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,1,9,16,1,1,6,0,21,2,1,4,2,29,39,14,1,4,8,1,2,1,5,1,0,3,0,1,10,5,0,0,7,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,5,5,36,11,19,32,1,16,1,1,0,1,39,10,0,3,3,112,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683046288581163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462772866940054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565373156934596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071999838780977,0.1565302618311701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135502002645802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105818060331188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725306693684238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129835316072508,0.09172158217380774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077260986775214,0.4959675744853049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296678932616422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667315575492828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581706016019933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21167876009651854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128710227832308,0.0,0.06272469132287964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587665986599616,0.0,0.08570107951692231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620111538451854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519928885808146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256149776238486,0.0,0.0,0.08900920838495031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306184175195737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320059298804333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212794551504345,0.20420118471078186,0.0,0.2598743336472211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043742416325866,0.0,0.12100571324242895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443640310759594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216983634675027,0.2453635999332086,0.0,0.08716813566100047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145506847504334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585167746936792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bigpenorbandit,2019/04/18,Feeling real low I gambled away 50k between yesterday and today and I’m feeling awfully low.. I’m really not doing so good right now folks,1.4827777777777769,4.206388296296296,4.523981481481481,74.65041666666669,91.96296296296295,7.144444444444447,28.972222222222214,8.07648339933343,3.226933333333333,112,6,17,3,4,40,21,27,0.073,0.693,0.234,0.5634,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,5,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854104453788312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148340047291267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440688343327365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669144162245839,0.26279419867177506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35032132265446103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388835803796336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,loliemi,2019/04/18,"i have no where that i belong in this society sorry, i’m not really going to provide much of an explanation 

but i don’t belong anywhere

i dont have friends. 

everyone just treats me like shit.",0.9476923076923072,3.473062743589743,3.7904615384615425,81.7795384615385,88.23076923076924,7.222564102564102,23.18461538461539,8.238735603445708,1.9776215384615377,153,6,29,4,5,54,32,39,0.266,0.655,0.079,-0.7738,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526865782199039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690820594931621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29841872858515955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21951693638694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887040967839011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839409867397795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474440755779004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39648397621192494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43237950726594604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smallbug_,2019/04/18,"I’m tired. I’m really, really tired. I’m tired of remembering things I don’t want to remember.
I’m tired feeling things I don’t want to feel.
I’m tired of the tremors and the nightmares.
I’m tired of my trauma being my secret, the silent, nagging secret that makes me a fucking lunatic, the one that makes me ruin every good thing that comes into my life because I simply don’t know how to be loved. 
I’m tired of hurting people I love. 
I’m tired of feeling like my body is only good for sex and nothing more.
I’m tired of wishing I wouldn’t wake up each morning.
I’m tired of existing in constant pain and numbness all at the same time.
I’m tired of being so lonely.
I’m tired of always being out of my own body, watching from the outside.


I just want to breathe. I want to be okay. I want someone to hear me, someone to see me. 
I want to love and be loved- without worrying if I’m destroying all my relationships. 
I want to hold you. 
I want you to know you’ll be okay too.

I’m tired, and I want to go away.",0.5964520202020225,2.554579680555559,2.77057239057239,92.68621212121214,83.21296296296295,5.4087542087542095,21.855218855218848,6.574015621080383,0.3800259259259261,785,26,176,8,22,266,96,216,0.259,0.555,0.18600000000000005,-0.9788,0,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,0,0,4,18,3,0,7,2,13,26,4,3,2,39,53,8,0,12,3,0,3,1,0,2,16,1,0,0,6,9,0,1,9,0,0,2,5,9,0,1,0,6,25,9,30,44,6,10,0,3,2,6,11,6,1,1,3,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047296135256723125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053403843599212665,0.0,0.0,0.03464965064904044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262747266611338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048963353684092235,0.0,0.06142475879544518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04789086221441485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622131512191028,0.04060710998781232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525484439386954,0.0,0.0,0.032303961285909816,0.09535080554450434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406376174493246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060849298628098285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247648219466837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04014836878118889,0.02776956501549641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520432206598005,0.0,0.07588340888894289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454032239004322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038516826640512834,0.043230022864530517,0.060482665112196826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940628398632142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282739973927406,0.0,0.0,0.06102579387835851,0.12877919055861284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529479309869201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632212456490903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328759227189195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033144352974617486,0.8492924444186645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017358199791601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536416489868405,0.05479254480974778,0.0,0.0,0.05772463574289125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Marah-,2019/04/18,"Endless Despair I can't find a reason not to hang myself. There's nothing for me here and it hurts so unbelievably much to see everybody else living a normal life while I'm... well... me. It makes me so sick with envy I just want to throw up.

I want love, support, understanding, and friendship but I don't think I'll ever find them. I never really have and after two decades I don't have think I ever truly will.

I want to be free.",0.7486516853932557,3.006805943820225,2.9956067415730345,89.43745505617979,85.06741573033706,5.3577528089887645,19.0123595505618,6.742157984588678,0.2224058426966291,335,9,70,4,10,114,61,89,0.092,0.698,0.211,0.8572,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,2,3,21,18,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,1,2,5,2,1,1,0,1,13,5,8,16,1,8,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,5,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699779624538594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36165714164841795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654252675552359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140060508293439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120119777575946,0.0,0.0,0.1765227582665962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804251140463213,0.0,0.13344039311812306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469556579188799,0.0,0.15418166332847144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958677636547297,0.1918174780779256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806642444334715,0.2055391049501332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593010932373707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226853655764402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25618643045110684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952814352715157,0.20811166928927352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537334183705009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797416378179325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Neverlandse,2019/04/18,Some interesting suicidal title I want to die and it feels like eventually it will happen at my own hands but it’s like I’m too much of a wuss to actually do anything about it. I’ve sat and thought about ways to kill my sled but I have never planned a date or settled on a way. I just feel so selfish.,0.3862417582417592,2.4517148769230768,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,84.84615384615384,6.175824175824177,23.131868131868128,7.447530270364453,0.8972637362637359,237,9,55,4,7,82,49,65,0.235,0.655,0.109,-0.9222,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,12,10,6,3,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,5,3,8,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.27033796601488885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279692589177113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875098377619729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801459101041735,0.19790783348905008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497367665965106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064888494278711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27068237315089444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036464004635408,0.0,0.2136599651825371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030220990329812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992814855411968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633974456308008,0.4397815857669651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,savagehs27,2019/04/18,"Failed first year in University. Truly believe my best option is to take my own life. Did well in my first semester, however I failed multiple exams( thus failing the course) in second semester. I never really thought I was smart enough to go to University in the first place, and this is obviously proof of that. I'm ashamed of myself and know that I am a failure. I refuse to have my parents deal with this as they don't deserve to have a failure of a son especially with all they have done for me, I believe my best solution is to kill myself. It solves all issues, besides the detriment it will bring to my parents.",5.263249999999998,6.187103491666665,6.190000000000001,77.40000000000002,68.25,9.333333333333334,32.5,9.516144504307137,3.00825,489,21,92,10,8,162,73,120,0.188,0.665,0.147,-0.7741,3,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,2,8,1,9,1,1,6,0,12,1,0,1,5,14,18,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,5,1,4,4,0,17,4,18,13,6,12,0,3,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,73,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979807196300439,0.3707037763742073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18208755774786006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807436735731054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249576681677476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506988757747797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003772675349667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434548694397354,0.0,0.0,0.19540396148498929,0.0,0.09706578262018227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475199306283473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622030193055376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39223141742237105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453040270437004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314735246871427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279632727195922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021662305090768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15880267240916232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373754744275966
suicidewatch,coolniceandgood,2019/04/18,"Should I talk to someone about my suicidal thoughts? I would really appreciate advice, this feeling is looming over me and ruining EVERYTHING I try to accomplish... 

So, I think about suicide everyday now and I know I need help, however I've read stories about people opening up about their suicidal thoughts to their therapist only for them to be locked up in a facility somewhere.

 Then they have to pretend they're all better to get out. 
Does this really happen? 
So I'm wondering, what's the point of talking to a specialist if they're just going to send me away?

Anyway, I don't have a therapist (too expensive...) but I was thinking of telling my family doctor. 
Should I? 
If I do, what should I say?
I want them to know that I'm suicidal, but I have so much anxiety over this. I really need help.",3.397619047619049,5.664583967320263,5.099593837535013,77.96602941176472,75.33986928104575,9.600186741363213,29.8828197945845,9.957137785484203,3.482191783380018,629,29,115,20,14,213,91,153,0.147,0.773,0.08,-0.8993,1,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,5,2,11,2,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,0,1,25,28,10,4,9,5,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,8,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,2,23,1,23,20,2,14,0,1,0,0,12,9,0,3,3,84,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985673589758934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101659050435709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485276605581964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752874583738793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601662493807193,0.11629129203634556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943127636076,0.0,0.12527509571242704,0.0,0.06719222787739368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942855956131824,0.0,0.0755233827620118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751252838178068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814421549626544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606367425502148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768806077710683,0.19706971890901395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106740578074304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212789237787962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562222956062674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329240845068361,0.0,0.25539460334560915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567796922262747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259567545882974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5814321521963751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362087925977194,0.1161500768648059,0.0,0.0,0.30858670652539955,0.0,0.17029868698211278,0.0,0.2109966519776303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022231257496367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838085801307046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411150086704816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439990989907908,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MorningGlory720,2019/04/18,"Finally ready to give up There's no way out of this.

​

The last 10 years have been an absolute hell. Even if things were somehow getting better, I still won't believe that any of it was worth it. 

​

My hopes and ambitions have deteriorated into nothing. There is no hope; it's impossible to build when you have nothing.

​

I've never been able to work up the resolve to go through with it, but this time is different. I finally understand. I can feel it coming.",4.18391304347826,6.4240215217391325,4.927608695652175,80.21684782608699,72.91304347826087,8.078260869565218,31.06521739130435,8.841846274778883,2.744430434782608,388,18,71,8,8,125,67,92,0.065,0.8190000000000001,0.116,0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,3,6,5,1,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,1,14,19,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,4,1,5,4,12,14,0,15,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,4,8,52,14,1,0.1265275199704817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112775450761323,0.4612343576739946,0.0860430523934642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425531867930938,0.0,0.11190330926404367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089922549422957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219432835929307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357023363104206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397611582367578,0.0,0.0,0.27720942702269313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610540695377459,0.12137672646822947,0.0719085054270667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513407530873147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313681617907454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758582357541896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428131357555231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010450408906872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405926207834141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377921440215007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171961052192602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004316559812879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921135414740005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612343576739946,0.08147957449329718
suicidewatch,Glider-_-,2019/04/18,"Thank you Thank you to the one girl who I told about killing myself
I never asked you to talk me out of it and all I wanted was for someone to know

Tonight was the night I was going to do the deed
Thanks to you, you talked me out of it
I’ll appreciate you forever",2.5486206896551735,3.042302655172417,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,74.17241379310346,7.179310344827586,23.12068965517241,7.1686216300943375,0.4593999999999996,206,5,51,2,4,68,36,58,0.07,0.762,0.168,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,1.0,0,6,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,12,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,13,3,11,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,0,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277496776326731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845356165669606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695269067769767,0.0,0.1338859250584532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878930004312548,0.0,0.0,0.2286187224930425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650816686193389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064164994243056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916213826246597,0.0,0.6728713829410129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327871667739669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436920402759818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,okaywutevr,2019/04/18,"where’s the best area to aim when shooting your self? please don’t say it gets better or hang in there or any of that. 

i want to know where the most effective area to shoot myself is that will instantly kill me.",3.7799242424242436,4.49858865909091,3.8072727272727285,93.88924242424244,71.5,7.684848484848485,21.484848484848484,7.793537801064563,0.4427212121212128,167,3,39,2,3,51,37,44,0.129,0.616,0.255,0.7178,0,0,0,2,0,1,3.0,0,1,0,3,4,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,5,5,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496732942062111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852992737885041,0.3247126534838327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181972582186976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061949688883808,0.0,0.2017749909054943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030183550986045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919709008767963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38301553443665737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655345852986335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wowkazow,2019/04/18,"Two years ago. Two years ago today, I took a huge overdose and ended up in the icu for a week. I was supposed to be dead. Long story short, I’m still in a shitty place and it hurts so fucking much that I blew that chance. It would have worked.

 I just can’t see living to 18 anymore. I can’t. I can’t do this",-2.006956521739127,-0.14845133333333038,0.4401304347826098,104.19671739130436,98.56521739130434,2.76,12.697101449275362,3.1291,-1.8129142028985503,234,4,60,0,10,78,49,69,0.166,0.769,0.065,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,4,12,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,2,1,6,0,6,8,1,16,0,1,1,1,0,6,1,0,9,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38998665147496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815470452747016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483131975993007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336205045426195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23548629055791204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424072068130496,0.19466971561655266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170590796710968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298255951097357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529048072665432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567120271962286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850925387081576,0.0,0.2443987657157023,0.0,0.0,0.4297644915057584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644955493225634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601434021389259,0.0,0.0,0.1562629355195603,0.0,0.0,0.2833115751579617
suicidewatch,Anonymous5Numbers,2019/04/18,"My entire personality is a joke and I hate and love it I’ve told many dark secrets as jokes, or at least very nonchalantly. I told a couple friends that I cut, but I’m such a way that makes it seem a no big deal. I told people how I used to be REALLY depressed as a joke. Saying things like “man I was EEDDDGYY.” And laughing. The things that I can’t tell so flippantly are told as jokes. “Man her voice is so soft it reminds me the time I was raped” and then we laugh. Because they don’t know that I actually was. I can’t take myself seriously at all because that would mean that it is serious and I honestly can’t live with that. But sometimes I wish that someone will ask how im actually doing, or how I actually feel. But they don’t. And I know it’s my fault. God this is stupid. I’ll probably just delete this later",0.7453821451509342,2.8048254682080938,3.0276974951830447,90.47394187540144,83.33526011560694,6.3877970456005135,21.17180475272961,7.594959193182576,0.7020933847141939,638,20,146,11,18,218,100,173,0.162,0.649,0.188,0.4517,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,2,0,7,18,4,0,7,0,17,2,0,5,1,28,34,20,0,2,6,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,3,17,8,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,8,0,0,7,4,22,10,7,24,2,7,0,1,0,2,18,3,0,3,4,92,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.41173793831244143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314809736548627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146770994103194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561732977153375,0.0,0.0,0.1449953833860819,0.12113446192336527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111265277392463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865940324526922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885452928102365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519171348677846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545859644531238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871041453628092,0.0,0.1241891688618656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693459571586616,0.0,0.09387940499384458,0.1425885760150671,0.0,0.15320000615939114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750322363795053,0.12280287904597185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163550464268044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009865337992416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184389874517882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280348917382784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916522826657384,0.0,0.1390982051143341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574503070508462,0.0,0.12292701621418516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18687214875890448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200928718731941,0.0,0.0,0.5375565605175137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146924427001547,0.0,0.1160441046731649,0.0,0.11163480913707699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173097646650764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990780521211932,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fackit222,2019/04/18,"I've been a major asshole I'm not really...sometimes I forget things...how you come across is how you're remembered though, thanks reddit, bye everyone else",1.7717241379310344,4.442126172413797,2.9478620689655166,84.2583448275862,97.6206896551724,6.457931034482759,19.593103448275865,7.554174236665415,1.5175186206896552,125,4,21,3,5,40,25,29,0.0,0.8140000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.5523,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33977944065836263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32950818313756386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769091007425131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4468292921554747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901161905944833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363151960328239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875402094575286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Vol_Rack,2019/04/18,"Why is life so important? I feel like life has no meaning. I'm not feeling sad about something in particular but rather empty. Everything is just a joke,  we live to die but ending it before is a crime? Even if it's yours to be taken away? Many people will say that suicide isn't the way but it might as well be. We know nothing about what happens after we die. I like to think that we just simply disappear so what's the difference now or 50 years from now? In an absolute value we will inevitably perish. So what's so important that we must live and fight for living even if we don't want to? Even to the point of saying to someone that he/she can't kill himself because live if to sacred? I can't understand that. 

It's often said that we must think about the people that loves us but in my opinion if someone feel the need to just quit and it has been reviewed in it's head multiple times. And the conclusion is always the same then why stop this person? Why will family and friend feel sad about it? This person has reached the maximum peace available. He/She is now complete and even if you miss this person, if you really loved him/her then you couldn't be happier if this gave sense or ended the nonsense that he/she was living. 

Tell me what you think about it.",1.8758096378329867,4.130485579766535,3.0494357976653714,90.80522822508236,80.36186770428016,6.132834480694402,21.16866207722239,7.321109707123232,0.6615209218796769,1002,29,207,14,26,322,133,257,0.14800000000000002,0.6829999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.8122,0,0,1,0,1,1,24.0,9,5,0,2,22,12,2,0,12,0,24,5,1,0,2,52,44,25,4,13,18,0,4,2,1,6,2,3,0,3,24,13,0,1,11,1,0,1,7,5,1,0,5,7,20,7,23,29,1,19,0,3,0,2,27,6,0,12,13,143,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451622937565763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954304505151129,0.0,0.0,0.06191748662221669,0.0,0.08643048375307834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649654717704672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083187020591468,0.1061213583297276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992568920119745,0.0,0.0,0.2683499910754051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128656792118403,0.0,0.09575325561322276,0.0,0.20543187884478345,0.07256321903224963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847445036888576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981998460193986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424240815742963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237461963933468,0.0,0.05582143943778358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348693509739194,0.0992461186848585,0.0,0.448450685220745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334580043873008,0.0,0.0,0.1029782954578452,0.0,0.110641931768492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775208117709284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531451906306108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746129091348882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408347856818521,0.2660668515295467,0.0,0.0,0.09601858525364043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080345658421777,0.0,0.0,0.0650697693139975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661844737450899,0.16154862292644415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212363609606576,0.07819526246501113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849189296041722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111103530143787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877860309172347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19525014464120105,0.0,0.0,0.05922758219684211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574027010642788,0.12217888243252173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990993093900907,0.08062330573722339,0.0,0.0,0.09132563011554064,0.0,0.27495940807693203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540918380292272
suicidewatch,Pashera,2019/04/18,"I constantly feel like killing myself is the morally right thing for me to do. I am an awful person, a pathological liar, just in general a blight on society. All of my friends and loved ones see this and leave me to soak in my own personal isolation. Even when I go long periods doing good things, all I do is make people unhappy and uncomfortable. I'm irredeemable.",5.150142857142857,6.529199442857145,6.3900000000000015,74.18500000000002,68.85714285714286,11.314285714285715,32.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,4.116228571428572,291,13,54,10,5,98,56,70,0.237,0.616,0.147,-0.765,0,1,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,4,1,6,2,0,1,2,9,12,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,9,4,7,12,3,9,1,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,5,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723843271819769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648142719377254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744771201265856,0.18006973978797255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473879530687813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324993590089033,0.2114136508129457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788639862880687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26689221877098285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314243362471362,0.0,0.0,0.22306272211374947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22749149649457145,0.0,0.16825016231095274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080050643094907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474475050200766,0.440173312412702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21525550235792684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008569831608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33491125515914505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nazforeva,2019/04/18,I would pay someone to kill me if I could I’m just over life. I know for a fact that I’ll never be happy because of who I am. I’m just over it. I don’t want to deal with this pain anymore Whatever is next even if it’s hell at least I won’t have to deal with any of this anymore,-0.8027860696517415,0.33000844776119465,1.9739552238805973,100.79934079601988,83.92537313432838,5.063681592039801,18.629353233830845,5.46131890053228,-0.6795751243781099,214,5,60,1,6,75,46,67,0.263,0.718,0.019,-0.9536,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,2,12,12,2,1,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,11,8,1,5,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,2,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617292010405434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717171222494993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497595353068132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988396412857536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4903744027647661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708121388016488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531692063351854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26311820010172304,0.0,0.13070243725048228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679828782607217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342535324717008,0.0,0.25292965699542885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25306263937643586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20150840763650624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402753864483196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689441041787485,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DepressedNobody13,2019/04/18,"I really want to kill myself, but I know I’ll never do it I’m too much of a coward and I don’t want to hurt my family even though it feels like my mom is the only one that cares. I’m also so scared I’m gonna fail and I’ll end up paralyzed or something. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I guess I just needed to tell this to someone even if no one reads this.",-1.2756321839080442,0.26485477011494396,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,87.50574712643677,5.2459770114942526,14.264367816091953,6.42735559955562,-0.8141356321839082,283,4,75,3,9,102,56,87,0.253,0.638,0.109,-0.9502,0,0,1,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,8,6,1,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,17,8,1,4,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,0,1,9,2,6,16,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355326179126327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577073266805736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700671181291271,0.0,0.0,0.3804696525114161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101339843042355,0.0,0.097087880452459,0.13717460355744673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115247043049326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555460407212686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243467564598625,0.0,0.2110513818710502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380817972780546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488408854251926,0.0,0.0,0.14115214015029298,0.14237570262702384,0.14809277886230818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602268630438873,0.14603504780323348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389601749883472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920656307065859,0.0,0.12300887320413845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223917980525285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269255870422794,0.14782150339748862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782841012164415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18865245496520844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265092738529189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326247052968813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sighexpress,2019/04/18,"Don't know what to do. I'm at the age where some of my friends are depressed and I can see that and I think I'm actually not bad at listening /consoling them. But because of a lot of things in the past I can't get myself to open up to people. I don't think anyone would suspect that I'm suicidal cos they think I'm carefree and don't let anything get to me. Only if they knew how sick my mind was... 
I did, in spite of a lot of inhibition, tell a couple of these friends about it but I feel like I should just distance myself from them or I'm just dragging them down.
I try to be normal, I try to talk to people, I sometimes succeed but I feel like I'm living a lie and I should just end it. Just want to stay in bed and wait for it to end. If it wasn't for my dog, I'd probably never get out of my room. He's the reason I even survived the last three years. But now I have been looking at options to find him a better home.
I've posted a couple of times but deleted them because I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, people have it worse off than me. I let everything affect me so much but I pretend like I don't care. 
I just want to find my dog a good home and just end it. Don't want to waste anyone's time, any more resources, don't want to hurt my parents because I am not doing what they expect of me. 
I am rambling now and it probably doesn't make any sense. Sorry for wasting your time too. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't care, I just wanna end it. :/",1.0716350496838274,2.2714307073170734,3.2142411924119223,93.6552393857272,78.8170731707317,5.956820234869016,21.904245709123764,6.42735559955562,0.20089598012646848,1144,32,276,9,27,391,150,328,0.102,0.735,0.163,0.9641,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,7,3,15,16,1,0,12,0,29,1,0,6,1,63,60,18,1,12,18,1,3,4,2,3,1,1,4,0,15,10,0,1,13,1,0,0,14,4,0,1,5,6,45,12,42,49,5,31,0,2,2,0,17,15,0,7,18,182,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.09188944402567947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806805323801576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168183087086374,0.0,0.07748807452276593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862211978886155,0.17220255849478544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832794663234558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201078122681195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837899910912774,0.0,0.0,0.09707785408538376,0.08110240026053629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336016550373187,0.0,0.0,0.062193732277370274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462757674122312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428348317386692,0.2018100645171754,0.0,0.0,0.17212643830009533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550010416761533,0.0,0.1475887455450112,0.0,0.0,0.07897940461032776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890620817445428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080337232935367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349897596994237,0.07675536198332546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257596705978164,0.0,0.1840130200211489,0.0,0.08314759913186677,0.0,0.07907315212402087,0.0,0.0,0.16010792466376172,0.0,0.0,0.125708984200526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507772423830103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692205937341225,0.0,0.07262426251327228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225968625882566,0.09035187830920666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161515726341469,0.0,0.0,0.10455679888067383,0.0,0.08988917879073424,0.19584217433962972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901820652740808,0.0,0.20304714605525406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681518276813808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503567002825101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312955312289133,0.10540769951907424,0.0,0.10036516280799118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299897057781923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568460249254959,0.08230255794708126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255767172094813,0.1810074250312974,0.0,0.0,0.1647214986290618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278609073580493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221589613262616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959600780785582,0.06689064927362405,0.0,0.0,0.060637844623995976
suicidewatch,flaymymind69,2019/04/18,Suicidal and I don’t know if it’s me or my medication I’ve wished for years that something horrible would happen to me so I could die without having to kill myself. I fantasize about having terminal illnesses so I could just lay in a hospital bed and do nothing until I die. But lately I’ve been having non stop suicidal ideations. I’m not sure if it’s my lexapro or what... I feel so hopeless,2.056750000000001,4.318883175,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,79.75,8.0,27.5,8.841846274778883,2.5083750000000005,314,14,61,8,8,108,55,80,0.34600000000000003,0.614,0.04,-0.9824,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,1,18,14,11,5,6,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,11,1,7,10,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346642057906514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43502067238696623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596964535946657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853303775048838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186856212482396,0.0,0.1151793611379333,0.0,0.2364146997852386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112920372778407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109709344929105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134446666806707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521776863577848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584917103899965,0.0,0.19752611087122687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24100597504471624,0.20202706953455515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887919763911592,0.0,0.0,0.13496226680738255
suicidewatch,AvoidantSavoidant,2019/04/18,"I feel so empty and I want to kill myself No one can know. But I feel so empty. Hollow. I’ve wanted to kill myself with intense emotions but never when I’m just... fine. I choked myself few times to see how it’ll feel when I hang myself. I checked my medicine cabinet and looked up the fatal doses. I want to die. I wish it wasn’t this way but it is, and death seems like a reasonable response.",-0.9866079703429094,1.100883518072294,1.2590361445783138,97.40762743280816,99.36144578313251,3.517701575532901,14.818350324374421,5.369823440869387,-0.8870103799814641,304,7,67,2,13,101,55,83,0.305,0.56,0.135,-0.9624,0,0,0,0,0,4,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,20,16,11,5,4,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,1,5,13,2,6,14,1,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,5,44,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333345021073115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528985098157024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410356960784205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4974723734311199,0.0,0.12355825565675806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983841897405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879685821360948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339934256169634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523476273298129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115813449971515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791568740432619,0.20467275851787545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109760007470772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978238453484092,0.17845607570323788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585383143749188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Chewiesmahdog,2019/04/18,My friend is planning on killing himself. I met my friend online and he lives in the U.K. and I in the U.S. He plans on killing himself not tomorrow but the Friday after that. How can I help him? I have eight days.,0.11325757575757933,2.4812741136363634,1.215454545454545,99.4098484848485,91.95454545454544,3.8424242424242414,20.96969696969697,5.46131890053228,-0.19023030303030275,167,6,37,1,6,52,31,44,0.112,0.727,0.161,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,4,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,9,2,5,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21583027071574398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171203780328529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431788885247567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7405111538344875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955140007739265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DudeFromSpaceAndTime,2019/04/18,"suicidal thoughts [M27] when i was 18 i made a list what i need to do to be successful in my life, there was  some stupid things, like record rap song,  and get tattoo of wu tang logo, but the last thing is, if  i didnt do 80% of it till 30, i will kill myself,  cuz  that means that im a looser in life,  and i dont need to reproduce.  as i write in   [**r/selfimprovement**](https://www.reddit.com/r/selfimprovement/)  i try to change myself, i try to change my style of thinking. I didnt write there , but  im too shy to talk with girls and too weak to change my life 360. so every night  in my dreams i see myself hanging or  cut my wrists, i even have plan how i want to do that, who normal people have that. i whant to talk with psychologist but it cost more than my salary. most stupid thing is that i believe i can lie to others but not myself, if i sad i will do it i will do it. As latvian say - word of a man, if i sad  so i will do it,my honorary word",0.6639279232564164,2.3425166995073923,2.469452942701583,96.38757065076487,81.51231527093597,5.455950220378534,16.595540575576873,6.339386263674448,-0.6655950738916259,722,12,181,6,19,239,106,203,0.126,0.785,0.08800000000000001,-0.8907,1,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,4,0,4,0,21,5,1,3,0,30,30,19,2,7,9,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,2,15,5,0,0,3,3,1,1,4,7,0,0,6,4,31,2,24,19,3,9,0,2,1,0,8,4,0,6,5,120,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932486142078068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476959259575093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761382373362367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926483263413094,0.0,0.12662543071046253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852008870105785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246770150691661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627312363410093,0.0,0.0,0.1225060449350009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184618685593639,0.07342388439335781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220760931652338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370938259103815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228755991309596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103656501207992,0.14725185287990875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041918531373787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951628507833068,0.0,0.0,0.11976131603946814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439237848433735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415941003797024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29953710378723986,0.09629947741965864,0.0,0.11931311792719555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407348304393386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864467248835516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,StarDash11,2019/04/18,"I can’t do it anymore What’s the point? Why suffer for the rest of my life, living every day wanting to die? I have nothing to live for.  I literally don’t care about anything anymore. People always say you shouldn’t kill yourself because it will hurt the people that care about you. Why should they dictate my life? Why should I have to keep living life on this god forsaken planet because THEY would be sad? I’m fucking miserable. Just for once let me be selfish. If they truly care about me wouldn’t they want me to do the one thing I can do to find peace?",2.087868061142398,4.266047424778762,3.0358326629123087,91.59402252614643,79.17699115044249,5.1710378117457765,22.662107803700728,6.11248444174946,0.3587946902654866,441,14,90,3,11,140,68,113,0.195,0.6579999999999999,0.147,-0.8583,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,4,0,4,10,2,1,4,0,17,4,0,0,0,11,25,1,2,8,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,0,1,16,3,13,16,1,3,0,4,0,1,7,2,1,1,1,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608265575339873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276710862367245,0.0,0.0,0.11480401207224628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700867712101839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267161401620833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997175744617934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447883062919003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117542341292656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750868970651216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897381350509485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493472594989082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400200062057057,0.15434602777924158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426573945947013,0.2956179768382718,0.0,0.0,0.3695669830475121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386263876143656,0.0,0.0,0.14857252157785353,0.09453490234148504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343593609393567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188108911466664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094314855938943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268357413311804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645720340525726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37765549350389976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910318399347184,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Throwawaydepress2,2019/04/18,"I feel like i have no one to turn to hey, throwaway account cause some people know my real account and check my posts. i feel like i cant turn to anyone if anyone saw they would say i should be fine my parents love me i have a loving girlfriend but it feels like i cant talk to anyone when i feel suicidal im worried my parents will panic and i dont wanna hurt my girlfriend and i know how much this upsets her i cant talk to anyone face to face cause i dont wanna end up in pshch ward again and it just feels like i cant talk to anyone and i just gotta let it all build up and then i move on only for it to seep out again sorry if this seems ranty i just wanted to get it off my chest",0.3245054945054946,1.7464922564102563,2.44673992673993,97.3673076923077,81.56410256410257,4.713553113553114,16.912087912087912,4.65589566412798,-0.9065296703296708,536,9,132,1,14,181,82,156,0.129,0.743,0.128,-0.5021,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,0,2,1,0,13,5,3,3,1,32,29,12,1,7,6,2,5,4,2,4,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,8,0,3,1,7,3,0,1,1,7,25,7,18,22,3,13,0,1,1,2,13,6,0,4,9,86,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977801456403385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376212531825946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666932871047313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077329123464072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876471760038006,0.3251313111284722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944416407286274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180140528431747,0.0,0.12289946479771882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505852162800968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163454300677077,0.0,0.22234419257281693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053776737083912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092771299186393,0.08363971756702637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709872944600481,0.08653308508212718,0.0,0.13349364272874992,0.25267339259417576,0.0,0.0,0.07887914692167836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896760721393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950395746863866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048061174031266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357896549170058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273648453670998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445436168769185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27435067088404635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475149802560453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710904868745995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554680023481535,0.0,0.08082442971538688,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,miloona,2019/04/18,"I feel like I have no other choice I've been suicidal for years (I'm 19 and my first attempt was at 6 years old) and had a few different attempts already,but I was relieved in hindsight,that I survived and started appreciating live overall a lot more. 
I've been feeling great lately, I ""escaped"" my abusive stepmother,I finally got the courage to look for a therapist again, I moved in with my boyfriend in our own flat and my overall mental health is getting better. 
but I still think about it. the thoughts are always there and everytime something even slightly bad happens,death seems like the only escape. 
basically I still have the thoughts but don't want to do it anymore. does anyone feel similar and how could I learn to ignore them?",7.303857142857139,7.455862100000001,6.996428571428571,76.07107142857146,63.71428571428571,9.571428571428571,38.92857142857143,9.188382445141503,3.621714285714285,594,30,105,9,8,187,96,140,0.113,0.737,0.15,0.2705,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,1,5,7,8,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,0,22,25,9,1,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,8,4,15,6,11,16,4,15,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,2,12,68,18,1,0.0,0.19695932014452816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831945198868031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648588007982056,0.11623421344859705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387978917498742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470198766300357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272379203775936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367845485887284,0.0,0.0,0.14547191230974646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979555045497576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521577078691785,0.1187571282488636,0.0,0.18210049385310967,0.0,0.14139799043774062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685005688250058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295198427446944,0.1832728394795905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669826244244524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875184432995125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242642211919356,0.0,0.14678708097109538,0.0,0.13959413506408724,0.0,0.0,0.1413256374634541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675241039015885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667972820915967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443392237461094,0.0,0.0,0.1264279425712694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513325855462994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797454325839305,0.0,0.0,0.11766081061644547,0.0,0.2655083132666408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818322885086337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930097151968451,0.0,0.1065156093174377,0.0,0.2639414002257953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804872836116088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21409763605125906
suicidewatch,jewell1987,2019/04/18,Every day I think out killing myself everyday. EVERYDAY. I think about the straight razor in my bathroom. The handgun. All the pain medication that could induce liver failure. I'm not sure if this is normal...I doubt it. I don't think I'd ever be able to do it but it still crosses my my mind at least once a day. I am afraid of the day I stop just thinking about it.,0.03249999999999886,2.3555740921052646,2.1239999999999988,93.37100000000002,90.97368421052632,4.618947368421053,20.757894736842104,6.2581,0.2415094736842107,285,10,61,3,10,95,54,76,0.177,0.8029999999999999,0.02,-0.8618,0,0,0,1,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,2,5,0,6,3,1,1,3,17,11,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,7,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,8,41,15,0,0.21229655478026965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950152426416035,0.0,0.0,0.41074114493248703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203438800589104,0.17886900367770486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487468351295485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386644421079296,0.0,0.0,0.2143590013831926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20800554885811728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22608890223097305,0.0,0.0,0.2258985023062423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954030288216276,0.1774894258067624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000869904538788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5441242405760994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mhmsjdenditnsjf22,2019/04/18,"Any tips for depression is appreciated So, as said in the title, I never thought I had to create this post. I have been struggling with depression for years, and suicidal thoughts for about a year. It's getting pretty worse, to the point where I have given up school and everything else. **Please read everything to see what I am trying to say.**

I live with a fake smile, as many others. For a few months ago I came home drunk and got pretty emotional, and managed to slip out a lot of things I have been struggling about to my sister, that was a big mistake. We are close, but not that close, I hate my ""family"". I don't feel like home, I don't feel like I am a part of a family, and I certainly don't feel welcome there. I once tried one of those free hotlines for suicide and depression in my country, it's supposed to be pretty good, but they literally yelled at me and told me to fix my own problems because they can't fix it. After that conversation I have given up telling anyone about it, thats almost two years ago.

​

I have tried many methods to not be depressed and think about bad stuff, I started a few months ago to write everything I feel in a locked document on my computer, I got in about 10,000 words or so. But it didn't seem to work, and that computer is trashed now anyways. I can't say I don't have friends, because I do. Some really good friends as well, but none that has any experience or knowledge in how to talk to me in my condition, therefore I am really lost on what to do.

I am almost 17, so I can see a therapist without my parents knowing, but I don't see how that would make any impact on me. 

Is there anyone who can give me some kind of tips on how to make it better etc. I have thought about suicide for a long time, but I can't cope with the fact that I will be leaving my friends and how they would deal about it. So that is out of the picture, now I just need some tips, thanks!",4.710629770992366,4.8045956895674315,5.388616412213738,85.59452767175573,69.20356234096693,8.789185750636133,29.606552162849873,8.59863814320734,1.9413987277353684,1498,52,327,22,24,486,178,393,0.16,0.726,0.113,-0.9662,1,0,1,0,0,2,54.0,1,0,3,3,23,26,1,2,15,0,40,1,0,7,3,65,69,29,3,5,12,2,4,2,3,3,0,4,2,0,24,19,1,0,11,2,1,1,14,12,1,2,16,11,47,15,56,47,10,37,0,5,3,0,21,20,0,9,17,231,71,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609169106267747,0.0,0.15520594517952604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396896422424444,0.094168455686903,0.15810372988271815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837669552544214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647075263274428,0.09448402576253903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854061266895323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863697509678198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989695286658434,0.2669953806471107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473956806193752,0.08717472935845859,0.0,0.0,0.0864306667407971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089504009068772,0.07580783670001663,0.14611628416713712,0.0,0.15674110814321052,0.11072905943820728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962410285468025,0.0,0.04048946472754621,0.0743430668011308,0.0,0.13000315730160605,0.12396433280455482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651315181351229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547346563145736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070215825030674,0.04259083022960675,0.0,0.0,0.08205910773982554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572313853650144,0.0,0.06843208341796905,0.06858322071344339,0.0,0.0,0.08459813467758627,0.0658859604538437,0.0,0.0,0.103460927110541,0.15714145472969246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371620115770335,0.0,0.0,0.05746372590077156,0.0597711737003362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825327558192062,0.05251459643063165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605226918904357,0.08392269552520505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506944425763636,0.07326058418795943,0.0,0.07422158520600536,0.2365297377313388,0.0,0.07415504336680112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751889229860214,0.0,0.09929430433340974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371826901315208,0.12325891346022468,0.0,0.07843203272038876,0.18526742627479606,0.07055119598706751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548534268401725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203530571804425,0.08871657748359481,0.25431043903148304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228989273655412,0.06773659816701008,0.07134967280214989,0.0,0.08998105857442469,0.051486174638097855,0.04965753807422624,0.0,0.184574076256042,0.04518966052581501,0.0,0.0,0.07405258390956754,0.0,0.15784800227989695,0.0,0.07570420720652139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967993744048986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074705229611639,0.0,0.05641940894560892,0.0,0.07897700157826898,0.11010459805857252,0.0,0.094168455686903,0.14971835933641978
suicidewatch,thr0waway5250,2019/04/18,My friend [F18] told me she couldn’t go through with her suicide plan scheduled for yesterday. How do I help? What do I do? How do I help? I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone but I feel obligated to help and can’t lose this person. Do I get involved more? I’ve never been in this position and it’s terrible. Thank you in advance.,-0.6417391304347859,1.5558533043478278,1.6372318840579716,95.61410869565219,95.66666666666669,5.0788405797101435,19.94347826086957,6.742157984588678,0.34346260869565226,254,9,58,4,10,85,48,69,0.14300000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.2755,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,1,10,15,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,3,1,13,2,6,10,1,7,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,0,3,39,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023820636896146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033584415472255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915183156426308,0.0,0.1346737592238004,0.0,0.1464961671410626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5183317499983866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883777812668679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880748509788604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507410820365176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819576488574349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253016278078141,0.2373192315658455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492619002125384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,memento_vivere23,2019/04/18,My parents are why I haven't killed myself yet When they die I probably won't have anything to live for anymore. That's a sad thought.,3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857141,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,71.85714285714286,7.028571428571429,31.857142857142854,7.1686216300943375,1.7868714285714296,108,5,23,1,2,34,25,28,0.237,0.642,0.121,-0.5283,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385428361200064,0.0,0.0,0.2809147101230269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542834815354496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776703345956327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014319797131057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790459761692335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680497323408237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710060663103496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30802925661185304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,paziopath,2019/04/18,"Cant seem to find a sense in life I dont know how I am still alive, tbfh.

I was never loved and invalidated emotionally, bullied, didnt have friends.

I feel like life is so meaningless.. The only thing that keeps me is the thought that maybe god exists and when I do kill myself I will go to hell and i dont want that.

If anyone could 100% without any theories just 100% true facts and evidence and everything tell me that our lives are just random occurrences in the universe and we just live because in this part of time, it would just happen to be like this,I would have probably killed myself already.

I hate me so much and other people want me to live for them.

Its always just about everyone else, no one truly cares how I feel. I feel so lonely and I cant seem to find any love, not even a partner. Sometimes I feel like I am a disgusting woman that may look pretty on the outside, but is disgusting on the inside.

I hate me. So much.",2.6636191099476427,4.347332151832461,3.8928501308900536,88.41477257853407,75.64921465968588,7.078664921465969,22.932264397905758,7.8658589789855275,0.9905835078534032,735,21,156,11,16,240,112,191,0.17600000000000002,0.727,0.097,-0.9501,0,2,0,0,0,1,22.0,2,0,1,0,15,16,7,0,8,0,21,4,0,2,3,41,40,17,2,6,9,0,4,3,2,4,2,0,0,2,10,9,0,1,10,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,3,5,24,8,14,31,3,10,1,1,1,2,9,5,1,5,7,108,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987222586367106,0.0,0.0979262896911819,0.0,0.0,0.1600644802319227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229056068791747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174183913206425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199913058679647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396471950355513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275860175125424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831367027166424,0.13238376243056707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773216800726364,0.0,0.0,0.11245643947276106,0.1057708674558822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23802743956005445,0.16815342710789194,0.0,0.0,0.21513037938878046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090925870888333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688510707874493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040715836137433,0.0,0.0,0.2323861281138831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460697815918624,0.26040985590650034,0.0,0.06467854150314935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625378672293245,0.17249002187249882,0.0,0.3117634000301306,0.0,0.09882872953107484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124369970129776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823395271425005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302923058892075,0.0,0.09076865414522438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974879772122039,0.08950743479165485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744521570302475,0.0,0.08159041241639191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973155079087765,0.1268881468648031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427844600100449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163969712816866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398621678494624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286496769864828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818703381024357,0.0,0.0,0.0934315515583544,0.06862513170265434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883149534358774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134475488712094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720511849211522,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,idkdudeidkidk,2019/04/18,"bye For 4 fucking years ive went to psychologist after psychologist, gotten pill after pill, side-effect after side-effect, and im so fucking sick of everything. Im not alone, i have friends, but for some reason im so fucking scared of telling them about this shit. i dont want to ruin their day because i feel bad or because i need validation. none of the shitty fucking pills have worked. the closest thing to working that ive had is vodka- and im just 17. i dont wanna go down the same road as my dad. i dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life. i have nothing to live for. i dont have any ambitions. i have absolutely nothing. ive stood with my head in the noose so many times already. the first time i pushed away the chair was when i was like 12. i always manage to get down. i dont want to get down anymore and im more scared of pussying out and living another day than i am of succeeding and finally dying. i dont want to live. i dont want to be myself. i dont want my mom to keep worrying about me. i fucking hate myself. i hate everything ive ever been and everything i am. im such a fucking wreck. ive been in love with the same girl for 4 years (one sided) and i swear i dont blame any of this on her. i wouldnt say that she should take any kind of responsibility for my death. she doesnt deserve that. im doing this because my brain cant function correctly. im doing this because i cant take this anymore. because i cant stop thinking. i fucking despise my brain and i wish i had a gun just so i could fuck it over directly. but alas ive only got my belt and a hook in the ceiling. this is my first post here and hopefully my last. bye.",0.5199829774063751,2.40951706685237,2.9259076137418734,91.84689917982048,83.06685236768804,5.771618693902818,21.949938099659548,6.937597516519254,0.5121048591767252,1293,43,296,16,36,445,161,359,0.193,0.705,0.102,-0.9858,0,1,1,1,0,0,40.0,0,0,2,5,13,23,12,2,12,0,40,18,4,1,2,43,73,19,2,13,6,2,2,2,1,2,5,1,0,1,12,13,0,2,4,1,0,3,16,16,0,3,10,3,53,7,44,59,6,33,0,1,0,9,14,13,9,3,20,188,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055602090093110214,0.05924339374906299,0.0,0.044670719239457785,0.0,0.0,0.10952414534235884,0.056294031746963576,0.0,0.0,0.10648337740975178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0504393877169749,0.0,0.044825232924539736,0.16363121505457034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986176731271064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428635825639342,0.0,0.0,0.06924554043451406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055717176158185285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5662721024207564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856169807993591,0.0,0.0,0.14474746481468345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542901041048616,0.03835300283089186,0.0,0.05880994984671122,0.0,0.09132988659302614,0.0,0.0,0.04147736080744887,0.3970517714251793,0.05609701963316948,0.0,0.030510763238737637,0.0,0.04293727799282828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600682939031764,0.055096913125974034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332191347983835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639172774782791,0.0,0.0,0.04771822731743798,0.0,0.05590529025599405,0.0,0.04376092871000605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037919726421869984,0.05245614405810355,0.0,0.14221610310983532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048453349348611084,0.0,0.0,0.054428771351224765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287592499497736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980719159591133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302556077745516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036378751445841184,0.04083031739516764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141596401092472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055197737352643765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042692943305553545,0.10749730075496823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510749614704915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488356485477367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072977876105741,0.0,0.04692358003282941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03566632664749978,0.034399564269734284,0.0,0.0,0.06260900930133234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999094430040336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976708835749622,0.0,0.0,0.06173578967206796,0.0,0.0,0.07816751129239853,0.054520331999095374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914353153062007
suicidewatch,suicidebyebye,2019/04/18,"I tried to choke myself with a belt, felt great Feeling my life slip away and fade into death felt oddly peaceful, and made me feel even more determined to end my life. Has anyone else felt the same?",7.280769230769231,6.352069,6.23551282051282,85.08865384615387,64.12820512820514,8.825641025641023,27.19230769230769,7.1686216300943375,1.1961692307692309,157,3,32,1,2,47,33,39,0.14800000000000002,0.621,0.23,0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,11,7,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,5,1,5,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377807315639129,0.23999486582867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200654665302649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956679277358493,0.0,0.20745700413816245,0.0,0.0,0.1547057717443376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368660213492687,0.0,0.6746885224480667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25823784255349325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330885153981378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163275113069067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159025834472678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,foolofheart,2019/04/18,"I think one of my online friends killed themself. I met this person through tumblr and we talk on discord. A couple days ago, they made some really vague, concerning Twitter post, saying if they do something ""drastic"", they hope it works. Then they posted ""decision made"" and I haven't heard from them after that. It's been a little over 2 days and I'm so scared and worried. I'm not friends with them on Facebook and I don't have their last name. All I know is that they go by Alex and live in Rhode Island. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell if their alive. Nobody in my server has heard from them. Please help.",1.486748798076924,3.6571061484374994,2.262500000000003,96.37865384615385,81.265625,4.87596153846154,19.221153846153847,5.873414542411696,-0.2927855769230767,489,12,107,3,13,152,84,128,0.115,0.759,0.127,0.1536,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,10,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,10,0,0,3,1,23,23,11,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,6,3,20,3,14,17,2,15,0,0,0,0,22,6,0,4,6,67,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620905787908586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232639604758676,0.0,0.2358536473738857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825477790625644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392112977763117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256434670080545,0.0,0.0,0.18161700667305786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230278168780547,0.0,0.3014781944266036,0.14905183184300969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326948733163226,0.16146496666441806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34604504099188194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239077803649158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596625772856834,0.0,0.20072068969937373,0.0,0.0,0.3502505018843569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714206800658886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541422209367993,0.18307049310911147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077128058142593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469725156957143,0.15982397464352924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716657347431625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331211550142115,0.1856988778964399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mynameisluka1,2019/04/18,"Just about every university is rejecting me I've always been told I had a lot of potential. A lot of my teachers thought I'd do really well. My parents had a lot of high hopes for me. So when I get the third rejection letter from university I feel pretty fucking stupid. I got rejected by my backup. 
Every other university I've applied to is just harder to get into. Unfortunately, I live in one of those countries where the university I get into depends upon how I perform in ONE exam. I messed that up, so I pretty much have nothing else to rely on. 

I don't want to feel disappointed with myself anymore. I don't want to be constantly reminded that if I had tried just a little bit harder I would have made it. 

Now that I have pretty much nothing else to rely on, suicide is the only logical step for me. It sucks because I used to enjoy doing normal everyday things and I had friends and a family that didn't think I was a n absolute loser. 

I'm saving my parents the humiliation of having to tell people their kid couldn't get into any university and is unemployed. I'm saving myself all those rejection letters that are going to come pouring in the next month. I was going through a depressive phase for a while but this just completely destroyed me.",4.549674796747965,5.9361064065040665,6.5286178861788615,72.59747967479676,70.30081300813009,9.20650406504065,29.92682926829269,9.586721724236666,3.0019365853658533,1000,40,175,23,18,350,135,246,0.146,0.794,0.06,-0.9464,4,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,2,12,18,4,0,13,0,24,1,0,4,1,35,46,10,1,7,6,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,12,1,3,12,2,29,6,32,31,7,24,0,7,0,1,9,13,2,6,7,136,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005899969337212,0.0,0.0,0.08220920871454522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989019641391856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369329932821601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319803501747776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413585740596903,0.12675065408297118,0.13063892568283564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041222066189708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197582941938225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20370973895235853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396414345127018,0.0,0.1222510292741308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339915872128617,0.1117606710563906,0.2526397214534712,0.0,0.13740891720047285,0.0,0.09668661564387554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277267098090738,0.0,0.12007084740868368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211633373502158,0.10674790719963756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083285517991013,0.0,0.1143888506770322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649308409632924,0.0,0.17773582384538122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285676725554526,0.0,0.1184463355508998,0.2319940448495208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638361127240354,0.0919421395381282,0.0,0.0,0.26846763058797063,0.0,0.0,0.08380976508624888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689651583319997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774451007117238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223381874757442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566301263966002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031381068384716,0.07746130179514693,0.0,0.09597299677549186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551538343192087,0.0,0.08207623801303178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440997176950532,0.0,0.0,0.14260787103192935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869444745884832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858766446143568,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,limache35,2019/04/18,"Mental Health on Decline Lately, I just can't handle things. I've recently had some issues at work and I'm just so tired of fucking being here. 

I've always had depression, and I've held a gun to my head before when I was 15.  

I thought I was out of that state of mind, but recently it's come back. 

I don't wanna commit suicide, but I really don't care about my life at all anymore.",1.5439721254355412,3.0416915853658537,3.800522648083625,88.67914634146345,78.26829268292683,6.636933797909408,21.470383275261323,7.447530270364453,0.7008236933797907,298,8,65,4,7,103,58,82,0.161,0.777,0.062,-0.6934,0,0,0,1,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,2,15,14,6,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,0,8,1,10,7,2,11,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,5,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789602501422386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202892961875408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439650581748108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192528953684706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21798003802138335,0.0,0.0,0.18416697145518635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841428296834464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976516526484658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194171484708731,0.2272559503633921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314826351185588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411720491964383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101096904029587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21545684102769092,0.0,0.21587377346244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696367425599673,0.0,0.4221970010021293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385894666191046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142037062430923,0.0,0.0,0.1697307401879381,0.0,0.2457279162721656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556465821563179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,1_67985,2019/04/18,"i hate myself i’ve always hated myself since i was 5 because of the way i looked or the way i was treated by my family, cousins, people at school. They all made me feel like i shouldn’t even exist. i’m worthless really i don’t do much now. i have no friends. i’m just a lonely guy who fantasizes about existence it’s self and why i can’t recall who i actually am. i don’t know myself at all i just act like those around me, the people playing the game of life. so i wonder, why not just end it all now? i cant be loved if i’m not even a real human.",0.3970066518846984,1.8219337560975648,3.257087952697709,91.6269179600887,81.35772357723576,6.098743532889874,18.49889135254989,6.980632752743323,0.0450878048780492,424,9,101,5,11,151,76,123,0.161,0.753,0.086,-0.8672,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,10,10,2,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,3,18,22,4,0,2,7,1,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,2,20,6,7,17,4,9,0,2,1,1,10,3,0,3,5,67,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.17652958621498066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505209734965508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103687297663336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027326268201963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022123854594494,0.0,0.0,0.23896180764835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053379400427388,0.0,0.09146706679702037,0.12923300589086026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976073887098367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911668256857338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35719709529590865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941637799300557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777305207795062,0.1767544826662812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190809970802202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326679841499525,0.17116931788359996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329802666563644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508227023331461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059006330746308,0.11588738748394595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307763830040613,0.0,0.0,0.1887152465123016,0.0,0.0,0.14964004483546905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28717557694480345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264631979089491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617531212207284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,JEKYLL_HYDE98,2019/04/18,"I feel like I have nothing to live for Every day is the same, I don't have any hobbies, I don't have any friends, I met this one girl but she doesn't seem to want me, I don't have a car, I don't have a job, I'm stuck right now :/ I'm thinking about ending it all.",1.2478571428571428,0.8001702539682576,3.2890079365079394,99.53446428571432,76.61904761904762,6.3000000000000025,22.099206349206348,3.1291,-0.4285841269841271,198,4,58,0,4,68,40,63,0.163,0.804,0.033,-0.7149,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,0,0,1,7,19,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,1,9,2,4,17,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,34,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134244048909436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960375695423403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692300347693139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25611053467653544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369798534510332,0.21715851771650055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348489434178841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016465011937672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850595322363827,0.0,0.26841390823139955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916704874973038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598010995876356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595914553850558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767257885402291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477375526101096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929127142817428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DamnItDinkles,2019/04/18,"I'm too tired It sounds so simple. ""You're tired, go to bed early."" I did. ""Get more exercise so you have a fitful sleep!"" I do 5K training almost every morning. ""Eat healthy!"" I do. 

I'm tired. I'm too tired. I wake up tired. I spend all day being tired. I look forward to being at home, only home, so I can do nothing, so I can sleep. But then half the time I can't sleep. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically tired. I'm sure my fiance, best friend and parents are sick of hearing it. Anything sets me off into a spiral anymore. I'm depressed and anxious constantly and on the verge of depressive fits and anxiety attacks every day now, where as I use to only get them once a month. I need to be left alone. But I also need constant validation. I need to be touched. But I'm constantly overstimulated. I've had a migraine for three days now. My eyes and head hurt constantly. I want to see my fiance, but he has work in ten minutes. I miss him, but know he's also dealing with his own anxiety and depression right now. 

I'm tired. I'm at work and i'm trying not to just leave. I feel like sobbing. I cry a lot now. I hate it. I just want to sleep and not wake up.",-0.4952024341778447,1.716928389344261,2.188718330849479,92.5399875807253,92.97540983606558,5.0887232985593664,20.098857426726283,6.714681859716394,0.3865125683060113,893,31,198,13,33,308,134,244,0.223,0.722,0.055,-0.989,1,2,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,1,3,15,12,2,0,7,0,15,20,8,1,2,32,41,22,0,5,9,1,2,1,1,0,11,2,3,0,3,11,1,0,2,1,1,2,3,8,0,3,2,7,27,4,21,35,5,32,0,6,3,0,10,15,1,2,17,113,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373455641991446,0.07626338441873573,0.0,0.1177713512684298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266075036787905,0.08318629783651442,0.07302587665325448,0.0,0.0,0.060595117612404874,0.0,0.0,0.08377014794471563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727511759329461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31829198244339163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088430517515477,0.14246494854592226,0.07591418449990588,0.19026448312346506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534672279712537,0.0,0.08282917246291101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408088997070472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03723193743750365,0.052604673558262524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689001810248561,0.0,0.07694222583837518,0.0,0.041848320124088366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269906191716062,0.07557048770964292,0.0,0.08299170451967536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772329771443013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882751300304469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040467727842556964,0.0,0.0,0.07796855851638045,0.08000436135865407,0.0,0.0,0.035974214932645486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061834636909591886,0.0,0.0,0.06260162344612355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420649967567608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058774547610071275,0.0,0.0,0.16379768189786606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706545197614835,0.0,0.0,0.07841859580060792,0.0,0.11200507701175454,0.0,0.0,0.08176266560204166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288366633112044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867735491545386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294751675816587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939987179615441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293700952992918,0.6770584197625532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999315550881008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359677394710235,0.0,0.0,0.0868633558978129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721393661219107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TwistedKrispie,2019/04/18,"My friend who has suicidal thoughts (any suggestions on how to help?) So my friend (i am new to the school this year and kinda raided the friend group) has a lifelong best friend (LBF) who this year (freshman in highschool) has started bullying her (name calling insults shit like that) and its really been getting to her. She has been cutting herself (most important when we reported it to the school counselor) she had cut the word ""HATE""  into her arm.

Now more recently she has been cutting herself (on her thigh) and ive shared my own stories of suicidsl thoughts and cutting (which im over now) now, our situations were very similar. One traumatic event in the past that we regret. This is why she cuts herself (she says she deserves and enjoys the pain) and the most recent bullying (which ive done my best to stop) is what has been causing the suicidal thoughts. 

So my point, what more can i do to help her? I dont want her to commit but she talks about it with me alot (i never encourage it and try to have her give a reason why she hasnt) and it drives me crazy because i wouldnt recover from her death (id blame myself for not doing more...  

So any suggestions or mistakes im making?

(*IF THIS DOESNT BELONG HERE TELL ME WHERE TO POST IT*)",3.557314049586779,5.394854772727278,4.147181818181821,86.88077272727274,73.58677685950413,7.4846280991735545,27.389256198347105,8.238735603445708,1.8025828099173555,973,37,193,16,20,308,136,242,0.171,0.7390000000000001,0.09,-0.9676,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,0,0,2,11,21,8,0,11,0,26,4,3,4,2,36,35,16,3,5,4,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,18,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,11,0,1,10,1,38,10,20,24,9,24,0,1,0,0,42,8,1,6,15,143,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524777503424626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406502227265585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550126473008953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406466573638646,0.0,0.0,0.12481354740950795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243362642042226,0.14239661445807286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37548112699525904,0.0,0.0634785210018561,0.11655347777584635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995569086908472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287722799075965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624808130102169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935856243421215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110191970492855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370797392787167,0.11734506101833345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233126653704399,0.0,0.12928412999074493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598510650597699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485638457501687,0.0,0.11636302151668362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783574845217553,0.12492181412514608,0.23993237437426465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662135050933053,0.0,0.245928143024932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471758301618414,0.0,0.13657062965880304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859980350722875,0.0,0.0,0.10157909753149373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658016622954349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765676802318013,0.10619599686665007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289371308187393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249024608623344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024988611773182,0.07166360605727255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926896362948825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648350472486522
suicidewatch,MishoftheHour,2019/04/18,"Options. I'm writting this from work right now and I'm thinking about killing myself. I recently got turned down for university and everything feels hopeless. At 28 I'm still alone, despise my job, dealing with chronic pain and dysphoria.  My whole life just feels it keels getting worst. My friends say it gets better but i dont see any evidence of that happening for me . I guess i just need something to keep me going. Some sort or achievable happiness because i dont think i can live much longer like this. What other options could i possibly have at this point other then to die
.",3.56609090909091,6.203108154545454,3.757272727272728,85.9359090909091,76.54545454545455,6.90909090909091,30.0,8.00094639256281,2.271454545454546,467,22,85,8,11,144,82,110,0.151,0.722,0.127,-0.2144,1,1,1,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,20,22,6,2,2,4,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,4,13,4,11,20,4,10,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,6,5,52,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195317136615929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129035743155778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120808881829392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683676650471478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325584873813403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711658206087643,0.0,0.0,0.17230908269676887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891631639680925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921372907874753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789576720941754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827150416101066,0.0,0.17348377397252662,0.0,0.09435656988644504,0.0,0.13278639540947926,0.0,0.18289668261123498,0.0,0.14681650491913129,0.1767380789491126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475548013934174,0.1475718000072356,0.18368349727714792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726928258737615,0.08111206173478637,0.0,0.14660426078780991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204843052161014,0.12310639450126452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666368427907553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694851381565114,0.1871697024183341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393093737730388,0.0,0.0,0.14178554931940685,0.0,0.1320307740959406,0.0,0.0,0.1323014621235617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781515369018584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325888141584442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276589278890384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058893399914472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185362429934838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086912058539255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,achki,2019/04/18,"fuck everyone that pretends to care just think, all the people that try to stop people from committing suicide over the internet. they don't know them at all, they really don't care about their life. they wouldn't even know if they died tbh. they say all that shit like ""think about the people that love you!1!1"" ""don't commit suicide :(("" but they don't care, they just want to feel like a better person for ""preventing"" someone from dying. it's all lies, they don't care. they just want validation for themself",5.297455357142859,6.84741157291667,4.6314880952380975,86.28375000000004,68.6875,7.985714285714287,25.17261904761905,8.418075326091056,1.4566744047619051,405,11,78,6,7,121,54,96,0.172,0.584,0.244,0.8621,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,0,11,1,6,10,2,0,4,0,6,4,1,0,6,21,19,2,4,4,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,2,11,8,11,18,4,3,0,0,0,2,14,2,2,1,3,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176607610320756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6076049314125469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092480479426426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984038974093947,0.0,0.0,0.14236257931039967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753318360453415,0.10643568174128958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773522559811946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375770098347048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052332708067404,0.14557414132503052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344657494827078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098645559041625,0.13008889401998472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544429464472524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847970669479775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293206498924533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262354178604749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455902984601144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32593316923997745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909285221183988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115176521502696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575169424975606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,_fvb1,2019/04/18,"What kind of life is this? This is more of a rant, so responses are not necessary. Sorry. I (20F) am in college, second year but because of some failures am still considered a freshman. I have no sense of purpose, haven’t felt one for 10 years now so I have nothing to live for. Everyday is the same, copy and paste. No change. I’m lonely, having isolated myself slowly but surely and prefer to lay in bed wallowing. I haven’t been in a relationship for a few years and don’t see myself getting in another one. I have an undiagnosed eating disorder that I haven’t gotten help for because I’m too ashamed of my issues to speak up. No matter how hard I try, I can’t and don’t see a future for myself and feel as though I’m just going through the motions. I’m a waste of space, time, money, and energy. I wish I could end it right now but I’m afraid of leaving my adoptive parents behind, they’ve done their best and have given me the world. But at this point in time I give myself a couple years before I shoot myself in the head, effectively erasing myself from this meaningless existence.",3.1198674821610624,4.8440648807339475,4.614067278287461,83.55323139653416,74.50458715596329,7.413251783893987,24.955147808358817,8.167268648758528,1.553509887869521,856,28,167,14,18,286,129,218,0.177,0.7140000000000001,0.11,-0.9392,1,2,0,1,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,9,6,0,2,12,0,20,3,1,2,1,24,35,16,0,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,7,1,0,4,0,1,2,10,3,0,3,5,6,22,3,27,29,5,27,0,1,2,0,6,12,0,1,13,120,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649333413165153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181953174197968,0.0,0.12699401836423807,0.0,0.15662035605083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578783324466351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191576573944573,0.16513352351810207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104435405774887,0.0,0.0,0.15272646416409594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271190674672158,0.0,0.0,0.13218418598635487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546128015766536,0.0,0.14329580162827366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779728273567555,0.1431666027659935,0.0848177136715567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369159005632847,0.0,0.15316543100345106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000338207162944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576995780255606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541266092084688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802581446560354,0.0,0.0,0.10541409511743842,0.0,0.0,0.13178349138269185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320180138560346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022605924157636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657156688606334,0.0,0.1424684529950061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108200543971472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602301422399154,0.0,0.1274519213596958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23785323154983845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706429056611802,0.0,0.0,0.11918491832499002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406588947273113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662958641405152,0.0,0.1740485147037557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132557619781478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162102733125714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844280271663916
suicidewatch,KiNgOfSpEEdOJaCK,2019/04/18,"This subreddit IS not helping. Everytime I read a post here, I find some maniacs encouraging the act of suicide instead of helping them. 

This subreddit became How To Suicide instead of How To Not Suicide or what?",6.098333333333333,8.322687605263162,7.0500000000000025,67.07833333333336,67.6842105263158,10.329824561403509,44.24561403508772,10.504223727775694,5.7333929824561425,171,12,25,5,3,57,26,38,0.383,0.55,0.067,-0.944,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335224225450573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425126038513148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446984270505081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25556919809132433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8384267762647164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saddestbagel,2019/04/18,"Take me home country roads To the place I belong...

Never felt a more intense longing to leave this world before. Help",2.1471212121212133,5.020300681818182,2.2881818181818185,91.71893939393942,87.63636363636363,2.9333333333333336,20.96969696969697,3.1291,-0.25841212121212154,93,3,16,0,3,28,21,22,0.177,0.7040000000000001,0.119,0.1736,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158625748859434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35640876204762834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488065232844493,0.0,0.3723423510937302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930456040251574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284989826695787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862911591096858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878234164254317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790950682195704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thePuppetofMaster,2019/04/18,"Feel like giving up Okey so I'm an 22 yo guy who feel like there's no point in living anymore.

I have had periods throughout my life with depression but I have never felt this bad. I might do something stupid. 

I feel so goddamn useless I have no education, no friends, still a kissless virgin, still live with my parents and on top of that I've gotten acne all over my back and it starts bleeding evertime I sleep. 

My life is not worth much anyway, might as well die young.",2.340725146198832,4.482342347368423,3.3077192982456154,90.14847953216378,78.15789473684211,5.906432748538013,24.239766081871338,6.937597516519254,0.86346783625731,373,13,76,4,9,119,72,95,0.301,0.579,0.119,-0.9769,1,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,0,2,1,8,5,1,0,2,14,16,6,1,0,2,1,4,2,1,2,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,3,4,10,4,8,11,2,13,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,2,9,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771951778053058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377947235371164,0.14962558426550446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434580060809705,0.0,0.18598263728661066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718286559782016,0.25604286168771384,0.17206133212754182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845046505509925,0.0,0.0,0.17190619758695735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743744202467265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531503285487341,0.17509738803191746,0.0,0.3164760282167321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802084800720889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173356058685798,0.0,0.13821107519844816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898181533981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940313337409582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793306978697962,0.0,0.0,0.1379579009791803,0.0,0.0,0.12683958892808242,0.0,0.2862207487377467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611234726909259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TakeMeForGranted,2019/04/18,"Tired. I'm so tired. All the time. I'm 26. I've been suicidal since I was 11. I've had depression since I was 10, GAD and ADHD my whole life, panic disorder since I was 17, and c-PTSD since I was 19. I also have PCOS, non alcoholic fatty liver disorder, irritable bowel disorder (which makes my life a living hell), and arthritis. I was bulimic in various forms from 13-23, and still struggle with a lot of the behaviors.


I know there are people who have it worse than me. I know there are people going through far worse, and somehow find the strength to keep fighting and survive so much more. But I'm not them. I'm not strong. I'm tired. 


Ive been in and out of counseling for years, most consistently the past two years. It's helped and my current therapist has helped me work through a lot of trauma.  The only thing is they are a 5 hour drive away, and the health Canada folks in charge of getting me there keep canceling my appointments and making me reschedule. I cannot afford to pay for counseling out of pocket, not to mention the gas and hotel and food to get there.


I was hospitalized in October for suicidal ideation. I have had weekly to daily suicidal thoughts since I was 11, but I have more or less learned to live with the thoughts and keep going. But in October I was tired, and didn't want to keep fighting. They didn't actually do anything, and released me before I was doing any better. I've been struggling to stay alive since. 


I'm exhausted. Fighting my own brain is too much. Dealing with so much chronic illness is beyond what I am capable of handling. 


The only thing keeping me alive is that I know I have people who love me. I know that I am loved. I have a nephew I love more than anything in the world. I also have a cat and a pupper. 

But I wish that I didn't have those things. I HATE that I can't just let go because it would hurt somebody else. I hate this idea that I have to continue putting in so much effort just to stay alive. I don't even feel like this is living. I'm literally just keeping my self alive at the bare minimum so I can make sure I don't break the hearts of those I love. That feels so unfair. I wouldn't expect any of my loved ones to keep suffering like this 24/7 just to keep my heart from breaking. I'd want them to do what is best for them, and if that meant letting go I'd support that in whatever way I could, even if that meant being there holding their hand during their last breath.


I just want to die. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I don't want to keep fighting. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I want my ashes scattered in the river where I grew up. I want my family to celebrate my life. I want them to not have to worry any more. I don't want to keep adjusting medications and fighting for my counseling. I don't want to have to eat this specialized diet because it means I don't get to eat anything delicious without spending a month in extreme pain. I'm tired of waking up know that the temperature changed because every joint in my body is screaming, but I can't take any medication to help because it will mess with my gut and fuck up my IBS.  I'm tired of knowing that my dream to be a mom will never happen because I can't treat my PCOS because the way they treat it fucks up the rest of my health problems. Not to mention that I don't want to burden anybody with this fucked up life, so co-parenting is out of the question. So is dating because most people think that they can support a mentally unwell partner, but really what they want is to save you and cure you, and when they find out that it wont my go away just because they love you, they leave you. I'm tired of knowing I probably have like 60 more years left of this that I just have to get through. I'm only through 26, and I'm this tired. How the fuck am I supposed to last until 80?


I'm tired. I just want to be dead now. Please just let me die without guilt. Please.",3.0804251284560813,4.325614070895527,4.168238316613657,88.65398213848789,73.7139303482587,7.361683386346954,25.991273142484303,7.869387291563388,1.308688630617404,3059,103,662,42,61,996,301,804,0.223,0.6509999999999999,0.126,-0.9972,4,0,1,0,10,2,86.0,0,4,14,7,37,46,12,4,28,0,76,50,12,4,3,123,158,47,6,21,27,2,3,3,1,5,24,1,0,2,40,32,5,11,21,2,2,8,25,26,0,2,21,4,98,20,91,125,21,61,1,3,0,10,42,29,5,9,21,430,138,3,0.0,0.0,0.038495146994471215,0.0,0.04740832446678224,0.0,0.0,0.042157465474211335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309242979461498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730282649910128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738598978481597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412459853483427,0.0,0.0,0.1923750255137252,0.0,0.033566984514831866,0.0,0.04139780073095326,0.03488817819864745,0.0,0.04381736775866855,0.0,0.04403654457298425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173030831471063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031495682175450686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040668722099138216,0.033976142229800575,0.0,0.08188071864381906,0.0,0.13563103029479426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072944340252758,0.032953390684694564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210950814944717,0.0,0.033236286902605085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03718766699948397,0.0,0.03989176270108555,0.028181358518835367,0.0,0.0,0.07210874561549457,0.0,0.047700169446811484,0.0,0.0,0.14587460557402532,0.08243892813770241,0.0,0.11209484187006136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03488336407868792,0.0,0.0,0.07789263536067396,0.0,0.08386186424297377,0.0,0.09349114275633838,0.07932264261406109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884791947997024,0.0,0.04222944949228828,0.044531515430010035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506282096985761,0.0,0.0,0.15175550549847286,0.06431008422112634,0.0,0.04176929067553909,0.042859910308569116,0.12101346740378087,0.111451967392773,0.05781628398440775,0.0,0.10449880564923496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707384248824935,0.2136178826131045,0.0,0.07899469645238923,0.0,0.0,0.04296997828884394,0.0,0.07947857205530902,0.03975388174345206,0.0,0.0,0.04620052808641202,0.03148668142854805,0.0,0.11599403866650675,0.0,0.030424405006000462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026730700630749317,0.09000498485278334,0.0419750056138704,0.04628323482800701,0.0,0.0,0.03765717800833143,0.10939193823415393,0.0,0.0,0.08660319232497023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253116240435905,0.03774600585794412,0.046112109196515184,0.039655712669786826,0.044190316794981616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02527112939905121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041152428385244966,0.0,0.0,0.1957886713171869,0.0,0.039476067848871234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409174168771638,0.03150288776863404,0.0,0.0,0.08247834970001855,0.0,0.1294477473897105,0.08952929098143232,0.037178876627425576,0.0,0.02965967030590803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04580167996469424,0.07862165651552268,0.02527641597847106,0.0,0.06263394322014293,0.02300220070654785,0.4987310834851785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853455299801869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024736560329112,0.06262330459580576,0.031642468656220925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404181351060522,0.04536276937331803,0.0760521174693941,0.0,0.02871830753343088,0.040060931588774634,0.08040090677233189,0.02802242851337936,0.0,0.0,0.07620884314773838
suicidewatch,braindeadheads,2019/04/18,"I dont want to die, but i have nothing to live for At 18 yrs it feels like the road has been a long treacherous one already. I have nothing to show I'm behind everyone. Bad family relationships, no passions, social anxiety, depression, low self esteem, and you betcha trouble talking to girls. Which I did have gfs when I was young and happy, though Life tends to fuck you up pretty bad sometimes so my life has changed Jurastically since.  

Those issues run deep and there's more too.. so many regrets. I'm not even religous what's the point the end if definitely near. I wish I could change things, but I know it's a pipe dream as much as I've tried with what everyone online says it feels unrealistic. The shitty part is I want to live before I die, but what if i just end up putting myself through more misery?",4.106104166666668,5.536303068750001,4.728750000000002,84.9079166666667,71.4375,7.833333333333335,26.458333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.6091458333333342,641,21,130,10,12,205,109,160,0.237,0.597,0.166,-0.9332,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,2,0,0,8,10,1,0,6,0,11,4,0,0,0,19,21,14,2,7,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,7,0,1,3,3,15,3,16,17,4,15,0,3,0,2,8,8,1,2,6,80,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662689435440396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016462575907082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188413851770566,0.0,0.0,0.11306377526566158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811206469247447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608700134354906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144419424320626,0.0,0.2757990717708053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572429164786308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23536924479656074,0.0,0.0,0.08776030679803776,0.0,0.0,0.25392863424630713,0.0,0.0,0.12525933100800535,0.0,0.13436754472221699,0.09492335496644773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228374685719906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144407641732107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868322090270485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302264675077111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770199909742244,0.06491425462242864,0.0,0.2346557616703117,0.11758700809984622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471074497453595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767576764418263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25498738441462204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003709962309242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438867783668971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560642117264226,0.0,0.0,0.13517798229724373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357245668925954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426541582536487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566467063411547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386138487515811,0.0,0.0,0.1099125954333076,0.0,0.0,0.13544565977744294,0.0,0.0,0.13141321246936874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679699853051708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827385432211718,0.0,0.13054547622916848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902109589369409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567419890237089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279555301092426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Nothing-relevanthere,2019/04/18,"Fuck literally everything I'm just so sick of trying to help myself. I tried to go to a therapist today, my PCP recommended her.  Turns out, she's not a therapist and only does psych evals for meds.  I prepared myself mentally to finally deal with all of my past pain and trauma.  Rape, emotional and physical abuse and now i'm just done.  I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't know how to deal with this and I don't want to hear positive talk about how I should ""hang in there"" and ""it gets better.""  Oh yeah, Karen?  When?  When does it get better?  Because it's been 25 years of just constant fucking shit.",1.110831381733021,3.5040148606557406,2.9938173302107742,89.11950819672133,84.81967213114754,6.76440281030445,21.009367681498823,7.957251820313856,1.1092416861826688,471,15,99,10,14,157,79,122,0.21600000000000005,0.6629999999999999,0.122,-0.9425,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,4,0,2,1,7,6,1,2,1,20,19,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,1,12,2,16,16,1,12,0,0,0,3,7,2,3,0,8,60,17,1,0.0,0.1801819392674436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081580506740547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270244439242496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689928708387257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433716299851248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135616955549035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26616065946693723,0.15562373796259835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106194270526678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667363531924195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665888169188222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281178546443456,0.15890399766909924,0.0,0.08642673500793391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139761006201168,0.0,0.10193149686110456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835754835618518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891910318288586,0.0,0.1532540724291666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156585626583621,0.1618166646486625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517112877706378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610101029543474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223072145831372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531375388187304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441476637171093,0.0,0.0,0.2064955147809286,0.16541203185843556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939349106056068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793018991937992
suicidewatch,AsleepGovernment0,2019/04/18,"Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye, I can't deal with this cruel world and my horrible life anymore. I'm tired of people treating me like garbage and like I'm not a human being with thoughts, emotions, needs, and wants. People never respect me or treat me well, there's no reason to go on in such a state. Whenever I contact a crisis line, they always tell me that people care about me but that is simply not the case. Goodbye.",4.508888888888889,5.962494148148147,5.116975308641977,82.42138888888894,70.48148148148148,6.881481481481483,29.549382716049386,7.1686216300943375,1.79861975308642,330,13,59,3,6,106,61,81,0.155,0.736,0.109,-0.5963,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,1,0,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,14,10,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,1,0,1,0,9,7,7,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954066575008173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328993265980173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943621353121236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421109236828008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26416469576778845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440079187227693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334656429040496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587525608716794,0.2294630565679647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413174416454896,0.18112397976376274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48842787237254004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145582478467945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052615245130891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18643764869177246,0.0,0.26991536640318603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851540044293975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111504057488594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mayorgooey,2019/04/18,"Going to finally do it. I’m at my breaking point My dad used to be amazing. But alcoholism got to him
now. He started abusing my mom. Threatening to stab me. He finally left. Now my mom is alone, and cannot drive due to her epilepsy . I have OCD, anxiety, and depression since the age of 6. I rather die than live now. I can’t handle it no more. My life has been filled with pain. The future isn’t fucking bright. He didn’t say goodbye. He doesn’t love me. I have no friends at school. My life is shit. I lost all my friends in middle school. I’m a disaster it’s all coming down.",-1.238688524590163,0.7476242295082008,1.1037540983606569,98.01399180327871,101.78688524590164,4.735081967213115,19.214754098360654,6.508806274219699,0.19541180327868848,444,16,103,7,20,148,81,122,0.267,0.614,0.119,-0.9628,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,0,3,0,13,7,1,1,2,9,23,3,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,4,2,16,5,12,18,3,21,0,2,1,2,13,7,2,0,9,59,19,2,0.0,0.19489458002194546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579053189652727,0.0,0.1703627558622211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583493413296776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169417176865573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167559760020035,0.0,0.17071537532625022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603830399622411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541702112714018,0.15206900020911274,0.0,0.0,0.0934838546555856,0.0,0.1315582381135513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787196252295992,0.0,0.2323692898577473,0.0,0.0,0.14524830039785097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956102846813762,0.0,0.14845927755523694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38529903611871497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502970067628418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549687818887378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308096056321616,0.0,0.3329467372724688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884733823057035,0.13606840561140454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642736303774184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206714999804454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KoiFishTaco,2019/04/18,"One of my best friends tried to kill himself His mom passed away and he gets very depressed every year around Mother's Day. After his mom died 10 years ago, I convinced my mom to let him live with us and ""adopt"" him because we were pretty much brothers by that point. My mom still tries her best to be a motherly figure for him, but it's not working anymore.

He's in his mid-20s and is just getting the fact that people our age don't hang out as much as we did when we were younger. He's sad no one hits him up to hang out or invites him anywhere.

I really miss hanging out with all of our friends together but he's right. No one (in our town at least) tries to really chill anymore. Just awkward Facebook friendships. I'm going to spend more time with him and be there as much as I can.

He drank over a case of beer, posted on Facebook that he was giving all his stuff away, then my brother told me that someone sold him fentanyl and a syringe so he could make himself overdose. He's on probation now with no car and doesn't have any family that can help him out besides mine and his sister (who he wouldn't want to bring into all this)

What can I do to prevent it from happening again without making it worse?",4.9359811827957,5.004392786290328,5.084612903225806,88.05608602150541,68.71774193548387,7.742365591397853,29.839784946236573,7.03164865440522,1.4715507526881724,953,33,204,7,15,299,150,248,0.097,0.7959999999999999,0.107,0.4043,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,7,0,0,3,9,10,1,1,4,0,17,2,0,2,4,38,32,17,2,3,7,9,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,12,20,2,1,1,1,2,7,8,5,0,3,7,0,33,5,39,19,10,38,0,3,0,0,47,18,0,1,12,141,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856661444007817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561561217986584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205487861507379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898607632886697,0.0,0.0,0.2089405127029053,0.0,0.0,0.06778272202577758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23338211283352145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877921920310791,0.0,0.0,0.07171081656443261,0.0,0.09577107623490536,0.0,0.11540163233317233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368559105932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482363969156122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181614260070008,0.0,0.11618836561843125,0.10666724646533406,0.06319401169012777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983283298590544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453087523949092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301948966759935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137032169396056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818618227853057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844547967268115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209154432577995,0.0,0.0,0.2452207606028831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260434351791579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708779579247059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511410311704493,0.0,0.10649294497622666,0.11312409220557727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246721972430929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495891671311116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942141648186626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879953014392672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729032367359336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483801199493383,0.0,0.0,0.10625046233842647,0.0,0.2264799192141247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375247732313866,0.0,0.0,0.09174654857753016,0.06558499734007779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718687676081803,0.0,0.08095042696487469,0.0,0.11331600450351825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321035188969294
suicidewatch,flightlessbeso,2019/04/18,"I'm just a big disappointment disguised as a human being. I don't know what is exactly wrong with me, but i know one thing for sure. I cant function properly like other people. I hear this from my mom all the time and i can't disagree with what she is saying because she is right. All i do is disappoint her even when i try my best. My head hurts a lot and i just want to end it all. I feel like shit and i dont want to disappoint anyone anymore. I dont want to go through anymore of whatever the hell this is. I just want to sleep and never wake up.",0.7842954545454539,2.409498475000003,3.0212121212121232,92.83227272727275,80.91666666666666,6.363636363636362,21.74242424242424,7.348242739294969,0.5693333333333328,427,13,101,6,11,146,71,120,0.253,0.617,0.13,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,2,0,5,0,12,4,4,0,6,24,22,7,0,4,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,0,3,19,4,12,21,5,8,1,4,0,0,7,3,2,1,6,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33397750631256784,0.11773594302460708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264352331449646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670552040314874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39468266578591704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913562938271266,0.0,0.0,0.11121409341698807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513851658094983,0.12029145352678365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569482927795983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280753201999602,0.0,0.1897776773822228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802553932120793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507563962794985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452494848922622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315154468414693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19720584703200345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986584370704754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409935509365325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673421674742528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437964940070543,0.0,0.13390336678996825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728407249095708,0.0,0.0,0.16850264964653291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586971439654645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186488560768157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818434251337146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431967800132327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39726201618148943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409824185083368,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DisastrousCopy,2019/04/18,"I Stopped Taking my Life Saving Pills It's a rare disease, and I don't know how long it will take to kill me. But my doctors have all warned me that my heart will stop without the medication. It'll be a year this July since I've taken it regularly. Some days I simply forget. Sometimes I panic at the thought of dying and take it again for a few days. But most of the time it is a conscious decision not to prolong this life.

​

My husband's birthday is soon. I fucked up though, and now his gift will not be here in time. I know he won't care. I know as long as I'm just smiling next to him he will be happy. But I'm not him.

​

 It rips me up inside that I'm such a pathetic failure at absolutely everything, even something as simple as making sure a gift will be here on time. It's little things like that that remind me why I can't take my medicine. I refuse to continue this pathetic existence. God gave me a way out, now even a cowardly creature like me can kill herself.

​

The best gift I could probably give that tired, loving man, is to take my pills. But I just can't. I want to hurry up and die so that he can have an even better gift. A new wife that can actually function and be there for him. He won't divorce me. He says he loves me. But he loves a broken woman. I need to set him free.",1.846270983213433,3.4722589928057563,3.4864928057553968,90.69734112709835,77.77697841726619,6.359952038369305,23.45383693045564,7.1686216300943375,0.7429563549160667,1032,33,229,12,24,343,142,278,0.175,0.6679999999999999,0.157,-0.6815,0,0,1,0,1,1,41.0,0,0,0,2,16,16,3,1,15,0,25,12,1,2,2,37,48,17,4,3,11,2,0,2,0,8,7,1,0,2,19,6,0,3,6,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,3,1,33,13,24,31,5,28,0,0,0,4,25,9,1,2,19,149,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.09036228559476338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009896663404077,0.3375500974538481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717588279849322,0.08189540158711332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440982712683528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393196415508499,0.0,0.0,0.11943609253071485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19220419872302089,0.0,0.0,0.09477797148656053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834803069441173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322110705715104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560535417488283,0.0,0.0888284343226193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857228741691043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972906979082818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048919236307816,0.0,0.15266830904017425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080940448273187,0.09047740599920888,0.0928075172494496,0.0,0.16389262318366302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250719916975591,0.0,0.06180988062666393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328273805211468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866023990863991,0.0,0.08943172048282619,0.09847901807064663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864379565503507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983629999937213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363764215073007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659801825722717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128646039777974,0.0915817846743269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483213998951326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872725143349216,0.0,0.34811084098651585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151799325950887,0.0,0.09097705983722076,0.07351246464908444,0.1619839064273481,0.10642777341481527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054616696519541263,0.07349997826462112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355528769467196,0.0,0.0,0.08926116271023585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375500974538481,0.059630072766934376
suicidewatch,OccasionallyPoops,2019/04/18,"The only desire I have left is to die Imagine, you are sitting at a family dinner with some immediate and not-so immediate family members. You are depressed as hell, but managing to hide and and function more-or-less. Somebody chirps up from a couple of chairs down and says:

""So, what do you want to do now, [Name]?""

And you know what? I've always wanted to tell them the truth. I've been chronically depressed my entire life. I have made no aspirations and no steps towards achieving any sizable goals. 

Why?

I've always wanted to die. And I'm very close to achieving it.",2.335878787878787,4.918522254545458,3.861363636363638,83.7053787878788,81.0,6.212121212121213,23.71212121212121,7.492282038375204,1.3082121212121214,448,16,83,7,12,148,74,110,0.212,0.736,0.052000000000000005,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,1,3,2,4,1,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,1,20,14,10,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,8,1,14,12,1,9,1,2,0,0,8,6,1,1,1,50,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33441136481857403,0.0,0.0,0.13665222450001846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223462686235088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461541931084288,0.0,0.4171067141994335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788737042812548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043632617324944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183316983019566,0.0,0.14193623566154165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014282155779005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283078489178256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598027262825135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756383007494927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580398666211985,0.3555748153845863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813252350149556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MoosterBoo,2019/04/18,"Quality of Life of Adults Who have Attempted Suicide   

I am recruiting participants for my thesis research, entitled Adult Attempted Suicide and how it Affects Quality of Life. If you are 29 or older, have attempted suicide at least once, attempted suicide 2-10 years previous to being at least 29, are a resident of the United States and are available, participation has two parts: (1) completing an online survey that includes demographic questions and an abbreviated version of the Reasons for Living Inventory by Marsha Linehan, and (2) scheduling a time for a 30-45 minute phone interview with the researcher. The phone interview will ask questions relating directly to participants’ (last) suicide attempt. After the phone interview is complete, the participant will be emailed a code for a $15 Tango gift card incentive. The information will be kept confidential unless the individual is perceived to be in imminent danger to themselves or others. For more information, please click the link below:

 [https://etsusociology.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_bs9uT0NWUAwvikd](https://etsusociology.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bs9uT0NWUAwvikd)  

​

If you have any questions, please contact Karen Hoefer at [hoefer@etsu.edu](mailto:hoefer@etsu.edu)",15.65830601092896,16.35241253551913,13.489726775956285,34.56387978142078,46.59562841530055,15.56502732240437,51.48087431693989,14.232682905230785,8.158339890710382,1046,57,112,34,9,328,119,183,0.131,0.79,0.078,-0.9376,0,0,0,0,0,5,61.0,0,2,0,5,1,1,1,0,16,0,17,2,0,3,0,21,19,10,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,4,0,23,11,5,12,0,0,1,0,19,5,0,7,6,78,8,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501689135645092,0.1514170416194359,0.08474033359760945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649526178947407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613063154032231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015752924389974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603407487225098,0.0,0.0,0.11003454975894282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270755723544864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349424941554241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27357279011834323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418781384517078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812173961664045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6815257127984428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726621739593545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217276741955801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514170416194359,0.08024594818393196
suicidewatch,McRebel42,2019/04/18,"A family member of mine attempted suicide this morning, what should I do to help ... I'm utterly at a loss! So hello everyone.  I didn't know where else to turn because of what happened and how at the moment it's being dealt with ... anyway my cousin who's a sophomore in college just attempted to commit suicide.  I only found out by chance because my mother called my aunt about Easter Sunday plans to find out my aunt was besides herself.  When my mother asked what was wrong my aunt reluctantly told her what had happened and made her promise not to tell.  I just so happened to be meeting my mother short after this for lunch so given her own stress and concern she told me.  At least for the immediate future the rest of the family will be kept in the dark about this situation until my aunt deems it to be a better time.  She doesn't want to put more stress/pressure on my cousin.  So out of respect for that I'm not going to say a thing because I shouldn't know anyway, but because I do I have to speak about this!  I lost two of my close friends and fraternity brother to suicide, but now it hits even closer to home with it being a family member and also thankfully she's still alive, but how do we help her going forward?

​

One problem with this ... is if you'd asked me prior I would have said there would never have been a chance this would have happened.  She pretty damn tough and always optimistic, but I can tell she's a tad bit more emotional than most.  Anyway I don't know any details other than apparently there was some verbal abuse from her roommate that we didn't know about, but if there was anything else ... we don't know she hasn't mentioned yet.

​

Anyway all I want to know is how can I help her, be there for her and let her know that we love and value her ... without it coming across as pity or some other way detrimentally.  Also what should we do to help move past this and become stronger?  Any advice is very much appreciated and if anything just giving me a medium to talk about this so I don't drive myself crazy will help me for the time being too.",8.289825410985094,6.3716787675544815,8.001654135338345,76.41036192175355,62.7772397094431,10.341225946221488,33.359118134318855,8.532816995589336,2.5138067796610177,1653,48,322,17,19,529,194,413,0.092,0.7490000000000001,0.158,0.9849,1,0,0,0,1,4,47.0,5,1,0,6,33,14,1,1,15,0,43,2,0,4,3,67,76,32,3,12,15,10,0,0,1,8,0,3,1,0,25,23,1,1,9,0,0,7,12,8,0,2,16,3,52,6,51,42,11,36,0,3,0,1,55,15,1,7,15,247,77,2,0.0,0.09642616521794437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952703545447325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016474571365738,0.06771760950702364,0.17635802340238882,0.1977797733391904,0.11068717095758704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394340797755885,0.0,0.1521652135412898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844255768217084,0.0898817056788621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197711133368506,0.0888497274895503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310167482323667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701046977080928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597097885877196,0.0915455079286128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053753048500562506,0.0,0.0,0.07776544254645047,0.0,0.0,0.2301634237782269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438306439715503,0.0,0.0,0.08923283084992689,0.06287670694273875,0.0,0.0,0.07807048970918253,0.09250426167022983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878687176715383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727482953397535,0.0,0.08163430781716828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313083785933732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322016478478549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883972758925889,0.0,0.07345180570986637,0.0770070559521782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649780396508562,0.05982625251744012,0.0,0.06276798902795437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514758048906774,0.06189583549332073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776897801480258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279629941761313,0.0,0.0778730391300426,0.0,0.0818129175332098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741436572377852,0.06471944290785647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914784881654016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499298551345578,0.0,0.1864490981573452,0.0,0.0,0.26706109080023976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541299194562232,0.14226557008412666,0.07492701251018412,0.0,0.0,0.05406759554325586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491077188084013,0.0,0.0,0.15553088509290094,0.0,0.0,0.0885219016837352,0.07949987515942307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714992852940006,0.09600421928167696,0.06459845139105498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845081068849405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343755630891014,0.08898010512006342,0.1977797733391904,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawayweedgirl,2019/04/18,"I want to kill my self all my parents do is fucking grill me about what is wrong with me. i'm getting shitty marks in school and im not trying my best but i'm depressed and i hate myself and i want to die i want to fucking dieee. i'm so lonely the only thing i do is get high alone and cry. i feel so empty and defeated. nobody cares about me and i care about everyone.. i can't do this anymore. i'm fat, i'm ugly, i used to pretty and popular and smart but depression ruined me. i want to kill myself to badly, i can't do this. i don't want to be known. i fucking cried in chem today. i have to move out. i have to leave. everyone knows me as the mental girl. nobody wants to be my friend anymore. i want to move across the country and leave but it's hard because i'm only 16. earth is literally hell. there's so much suffering in the world, there is no hope for anyone. life is just a series of shitty events and some happy times and then you die and possibly get reincarnated and relive hell all over again and again and again and again and again. i wish my entity never existed. i wish i never existed. life is hell on earth. i fucking hate my mother and my father. i hate them and i hate my siblings. all they do is abuse me thinking it will make me change. all they do is gossip about me and spread lies. i am a burden to everyone. nothing will make me feel better. nothing but marijuana. :( bye",-0.2946467817896377,1.9538033605442209,2.120068027210888,93.28958398744116,91.92517006802721,4.92014652014652,17.062271062271062,6.551861593081955,-0.09392297226582967,1084,28,237,14,39,368,136,294,0.353,0.509,0.138,-0.9985,1,3,0,0,1,2,35.0,0,1,3,3,15,32,13,0,6,0,25,7,1,3,6,53,61,29,4,10,6,3,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,6,22,1,0,5,0,0,2,7,23,0,0,0,3,46,9,27,57,7,22,3,6,0,4,12,9,7,2,12,157,52,1,0.0,0.10220472004342528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933997942253763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109469681263542,0.060315425724785814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202400809722558,0.05258366856850079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052519067017778,0.07629050161609817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589688625762198,0.0,0.09125228998191512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950646407922364,0.0,0.0,0.1485922778158632,0.0,0.17904979338433127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472771347864604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872319147617217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664473502404937,0.3189861840571631,0.13520282883162865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182602571993044,0.07727256523998978,0.3406579839182328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911390728488368,0.0,0.08567625146971554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317626359518104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908691737014362,0.0,0.047406576567334914,0.0,0.0,0.1826750665879726,0.0,0.0,0.12185684288360613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115159256965689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693040840729778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336275882466585,0.06341147525645202,0.0,0.13305900388740205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553876777725252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121016529383892,0.0,0.0,0.09578220161736856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724587938520178,0.0,0.08775805387969532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730034480300286,0.0,0.0,0.0899886312880794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057307717811132676,0.055272317261022094,0.0,0.0,0.05029925667614067,0.0,0.08176497419784927,0.0,0.0,0.05856529340346917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450147300803585,0.0,0.0,0.3561512081677079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983908939286474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431243804703596,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheMattAttack452,2019/04/18,In the process of killing myself. Don’t know why I’m posting this. Thanks you everyone who’s helped me at any time. You guys are awesome. See ya some other time :),-0.003636363636363882,2.3447922727272754,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,95.96969696969695,3.852121212121212,21.75151515151515,5.6839178017228535,0.005489696969696922,127,5,28,1,5,39,31,33,0.105,0.645,0.25,0.7248,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,6,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,2,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278790505854552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202017914548245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318010429857631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461003223089074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707377841797629,0.0,0.18416184039874406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209325494516509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670307982944438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085144615461857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907982542046543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023750440475781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ArtisticSoup,2019/04/18,"i'm stressed i'm about to graduate college and i just want to give up and not worry about grad school, a job or anything anymore. idk :(",1.0673809523809543,3.2885662142857166,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,83.28571428571429,5.161904761904762,27.190476190476193,6.42735559955562,1.006604761904763,106,5,23,1,3,34,22,28,0.22,0.6579999999999999,0.122,-0.4577,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,1,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36752581510529536,0.0,0.0,0.3049640896150453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555038083539067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677535077054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750569828337013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245097264407926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218583652413451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763522522519801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,itsbrandon150,2019/04/18,"Suicide feels inevitable I'm 23M. My financial situation has been dicey since senior year of college because I was young and dumb and put myself in some manageable credit debt to build a history (full ride so no student loans luckily). I got a decent paying job and then lost it after only a month because they ""didn't have the time or resources to continue training me."" 

That meant all cash I had went to rent and utilities until I got rehired a few months later, so my debt increased during that time. 

Fast forward two years and my debt hasnt moved much in either direction. Unfortunately my other bills eat through almost all my expendable cash which leaves me paying minimums with no end in sight. No one in my family has the means to help - in fact my older (28) brother just lost his car and his job and has an 8 year old daughter to support. 

None of my friends understand my situation and I'm only close enough w a few to explain my real debt number and how I got there. Everyone else just thinks me being ""broke"" means I ran out of cash for the week. I even told one friend that I was depressed and he said ""what why!? You better cheer up""

It's getting harder and harder feeling so alone and like I'm sprinting just to stay still. 

I've really been working at reframing my thinking and being less hard on myself, but as my 24th bday approaches next week, I can't help but feel like it's all going nowhere and I should give up now. 

TLDR: I'm in debt, no one understands, I feel so alone, and my ""bubbly"" personality almost makes it worst. People assume I'm fine or they underreact to my bad news. I feel like suicide is inevitable.",4.268010416666666,5.738422946875005,5.1712500000000015,81.7354166666667,71.09375,7.958333333333335,27.395833333333336,8.472884824447931,1.934270833333334,1293,45,246,21,24,422,190,320,0.165,0.747,0.08800000000000001,-0.9783,8,2,0,0,0,2,36.0,0,1,2,4,12,17,1,0,9,0,16,1,0,2,4,52,48,27,2,1,8,2,6,3,2,1,0,1,1,1,10,18,1,0,14,0,14,10,8,7,0,4,16,8,36,10,28,29,14,47,0,4,1,0,17,14,1,6,27,152,46,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566335021986248,0.20237389385643506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157478356272121,0.11911309841626415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640703734265479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414821128503475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997071201333704,0.08161517758957916,0.0,0.08653252697496658,0.1009494304131516,0.0,0.0645294258550768,0.0,0.0,0.09335580955628774,0.0,0.0,0.0921021474040509,0.0,0.2469983535505053,0.13959271155053626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096437920652608,0.0,0.051043819926079176,0.09372201238233978,0.05552472893388785,0.0,0.2344170189768172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751932794797124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309714808159469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939028386919705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344938731473884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319273940901647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330052059824334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521500059770864,0.0,0.0,0.21284622530167807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559652007337145,0.10383882929976616,0.07182018199341486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103904248919848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251891642092108,0.0,0.19861059821857008,0.14860934732520234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773235075621094,0.08530720695245668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982147197826655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112031229279504,0.06258863415687131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293434907302214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081781999548868,0.21963607587175374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413438934597456,0.07802273837076862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137342202075561,0.11086793848974806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520345470058952,0.0,0.0,0.11393842373179427,0.0,0.0,0.09335580955628774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954379601286087,0.2034167064402458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673687260046512,0.0,0.0,0.09056817324616864,0.08815836694237363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112620949508933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887453199250868
suicidewatch,bigdbran,2019/04/18,"I feel like it's inevitable at this point I'm 23M. My financial situation has been dicey since senior year of college because I was young and dumb and put myself in some manageable credit debt to build a history (full ride so no student loans luckily). I got a decent paying job and then lost it after only a month because they ""didn't have the time or resources to continue training me."" 

That meant all cash I had went to rent and utilities until I got rehired a few months later, so my debt increased during that time. 

Fast forward two years and my debt hasnt moves much in either direction. Unfortunately my other bills eat through almost all my expendable cash which leaves me paying minimums with no end in sight. No one in my family has the means to help - in fact my older (28) brother just lost his car and his job and has an 8 year old daughter to support. 

None of my friends understand my situation and I'm only close enough w a few to explain my real debt number and how I got there. Everyone else just thinks me being ""broke"" means I ran out of cash for the week. I even told one friend that I was depressed and he said ""what why!? You better cheer up""

It's getting harder and harder feeling so alone and like I'm sprinting just to stay still. 

I've really been working at reframing my thinking and being less hard on myself, but as my 24th bday approaches next week, I can't help but feel like it's all going nowhere and I should give up now. 

TLDR: I'm in debt, no one understands, I feel so alone, and my ""bubbly"" personality almost makes it worst. People assume I'm fine or they underreact to my bad news. I feel like suicide is inevitable.",4.2161145194274035,5.558431690184051,5.163328220858896,82.23748721881392,71.05521472392637,8.01002044989775,27.080265848670763,8.472884824447931,1.8553971370143147,1305,44,253,21,24,427,191,326,0.156,0.754,0.09,-0.9741,8,2,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,1,2,4,12,18,1,0,9,0,16,1,0,2,4,52,48,27,1,1,8,2,6,4,2,1,0,1,1,1,12,18,1,0,14,0,14,10,8,7,0,4,16,8,37,11,29,29,14,49,0,4,1,0,17,16,1,6,28,156,49,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425299885791134,0.2009151725552662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098678838135856,0.11825452515566715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578421103071933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354166670600018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925011804576568,0.08102689124602018,0.0,0.08590879612739045,0.10022178179366616,0.0,0.06406429447744083,0.0,0.0,0.09268289614145653,0.0,0.0,0.09143827044965976,0.0,0.24521797687833755,0.20787978029811727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987622029694597,0.0,0.05067589348062559,0.09304645935894676,0.05512450386881623,0.0,0.232727329202994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688848418888315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300274317329788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250517718649124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027037188789873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895474651648701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117630396167893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474492756252206,0.0,0.0,0.2113120189037856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484099564868145,0.10309035374641508,0.07130249847539183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315530181855412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177995486661093,0.0,0.1971790029434164,0.1475381636049847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724413253327939,0.08469230827381066,0.0,0.0,0.0916916433847464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975067830962422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040156517225204,0.062137492104327424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226447356675133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023528104594865,0.21805292788624064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033837833808052,0.07746034651148215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060968065486499,0.11006879676049712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430098184269588,0.0,0.0,0.11311714978903427,0.0,0.0,0.09268289614145653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947500384667442,0.2019504684930306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560710526543975,0.0,0.0,0.08991535325538534,0.08752291695777073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061352816606628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18738483407671952
suicidewatch,ilovpets,2019/04/18,I want to die. I have nothing left to live for and everyone around me would be better off without me. My parents hate each other and only stayed together because of me. The friends that I helped get together in high school are getting divorced. My bf is not attracted to me and I know he would do better in life with someone else. The careers that I have tried have all failed because I have a disability that makes me slow. I am beyond all hope and help and I just dont want to keep going. I want my suffering to end.,2.0768571428571434,4.17278225714286,3.451666666666668,89.01750000000001,78.80952380952381,6.485714285714287,25.73809523809524,7.554174236665415,1.3466952380952375,407,16,84,6,10,133,68,105,0.141,0.7,0.159,-0.234,1,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,1,2,22,23,5,1,6,3,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,17,5,14,20,3,11,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,60,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542966849549141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21131556464669973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065851216748869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988478751532844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313651481270975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479144246429645,0.0,0.15351518885117038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562020358579668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339110620818577,0.0,0.18111112502016946,0.0,0.09850503095398748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711233168557626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323532238622145,0.1831281951670964,0.0,0.17215160095335053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405991066803998,0.0,0.0,0.09525531184880393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831895924902187,0.0,0.12242511915305285,0.0,0.0,0.15304983282318588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569629921454512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631075358597006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182206054306916,0.0,0.0,0.19245775892862302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541493545534964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468583647968697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474221203517285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176768223020786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066960944708059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707985979682738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24625131201987774,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ellajane1,2019/04/18,"I don’t think I can do this anymore I can’t tell anyone how low I’m feeling right now and I feel like I could overdose today, everything in my life should be perfect but I’ve not felt this low or worthless for a long time. I’ve took 12g of codeine and 20 mg of Valium and sniffed 10 more mg but I don’t think I want to stop. I can’t talk to any of my friends about it and I don’t know what’s even wrong with me anymore. I was in a very abuseive relationship for five years but this year I thought everything had changed, I’d left and after a really hard year I’d moved on thought I’d found the perfect person and life would finally be okay but it’s. Very complicated story of us getting together and I constantly feel like I’m not good enough and like I’m being compared to his ex girlfriend. I’ve got no self confidence after the last 5 years and it hurts more than I ever tell him because I was finally enough for someone but then maybe without meaning to he makes me feel broken inside all over again. I had a abusive childhood and I’m not close to any of my family so I can’t tell anyone how I’ve felt about anything and I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends because they have such different lives and I feel like I’m in a bubble and I’m different from everybody else. I feel so alone and I just don’t want to feel anything anymore, every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere I just end up taking two steps backwards or getting knocked down. Sometimes I feel so happy and like life is worth living again but then this pain inside is back me I just can’t take it anymore",1.6015966306116596,3.4440824362017817,3.1108050157940106,92.1220359911937,79.23738872403561,6.128802527041256,24.81755527902748,7.1029339738359605,0.9152667560065092,1259,47,278,15,31,413,159,337,0.13,0.708,0.162,0.8433,2,1,0,0,1,1,11.0,1,0,1,2,17,20,0,0,7,1,25,4,0,3,4,64,61,30,0,5,15,1,13,7,3,2,4,0,0,2,9,17,0,1,19,0,1,3,14,6,0,2,11,13,36,14,30,44,5,40,0,4,0,0,17,13,0,2,31,158,45,0,0.0,0.17848816341044127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780107261165633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244288888116387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298796163135893,0.10533358496908717,0.0,0.12396693800284465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057917857317318265,0.0,0.09183100765001133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968053549263057,0.0,0.0,0.08139616690480019,0.0,0.060138372391582276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739061451357605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292174494020474,0.0,0.06671280700668886,0.15565522246995145,0.0,0.04974937499014185,0.06813293029677926,0.06346191162102469,0.0,0.13538885336643555,0.0,0.07100674162035737,0.0,0.3808499316367302,0.2690497420670902,0.14464158609536873,0.16502282136293653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258652648023221,0.11638695698558685,0.0,0.11805768165990906,0.0,0.0,0.06317639853054773,0.06024176839539925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018151547730143,0.06747358754976855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063360384802991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139492178778485,0.06139736507181676,0.0,0.0,0.08183741607653124,0.0,0.1596061616042412,0.2575891766187708,0.0,0.13302115622497704,0.06665747162199864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05027792323775155,0.0,0.07567092750582075,0.08204758168428923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005521184975754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014776453114159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657681386716617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04825310917509148,0.0,0.0,0.08086748408020025,0.0,0.06432445279935972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857712207226925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381996349240583,0.0,0.07449524077944528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297244364658555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326532239765523,0.12108170815636025,0.19750386420113805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652640691317757,0.0,0.11959427901079513,0.08784155899277626,0.0,0.07139631158754421,0.0,0.08368535259092301,0.0,0.0,0.0735785078484286,0.0,0.09060291768452487,0.0,0.0,0.124296837785317,0.08885356345194026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260758055762506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053506484852950696,0.08235262445131744,0.0,0.1940192209298096
suicidewatch,ineffectivequad,2019/04/18,Suicide and student loans I am currently in student loan debt. I defaulted on a federal student loans and it has been sent to a collections agency. From what I’ve heard this agency is not willing to work with its clients. I have been in an outpatient program for suicidal tendencies before but don’t have the insurance or money to go back into one. I feel stuck and scared. I feel like I am going to ruin my my gfs life if we can’t afford rent or I am always in debt. I just don’t want to be a burden anymore I feel stuck and scared.,2.7075656565656554,4.2822119181818215,4.516666666666668,84.44944444444445,75.27272727272728,7.7979797979797985,26.767676767676768,8.515128840125781,1.935555555555556,421,16,85,8,9,143,72,110,0.271,0.6890000000000001,0.04,-0.9809,5,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,5,0,14,1,0,0,0,17,24,8,2,2,6,0,3,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,7,3,4,4,0,1,6,4,12,1,13,16,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,3,60,16,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631686328360665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23398417353510986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141949126908594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076335146319388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578875534130392,0.16855204799606818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681746538849976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666479043645767,0.11526594866580532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987569700272858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724242916829738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161493052563002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916060629263305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176352752850646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,-Ultimatewantstodie,2019/04/18,i've tried to end it all yeah i've tried to overdose myself on my anti-depressants I've lost some family and made a lot of mistakes I've had two boyfriends and they made me happy but when they left i was just broken I've given up on life. it's a bit hard to feel safe if you're always being triggered by people touching you (i have very bad ptsd) I've been in two different mental hospitals and they made me worse i tried to jump off a bridge the other day but the police stopped me i'm trying to find reasons not to end it all,2.119671497584541,3.306779034782611,3.7585507246376832,90.87425120772949,76.04347826086956,6.502415458937199,21.473429951690818,6.937597516519254,0.389444444444444,419,10,94,4,9,140,75,115,0.17600000000000002,0.759,0.066,-0.9192,1,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,1,3,1,2,5,0,0,5,1,5,1,0,5,2,22,12,7,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,8,3,12,2,13,3,5,12,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,5,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984433841455173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029346320047502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036387090712787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006379742587138,0.0,0.1344038119576805,0.0,0.0,0.16303682340975048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27642421166555925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710805507988425,0.0,0.07890249776554142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262493694337874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611587190253166,0.13978825118857474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954648019407553,0.0,0.11022123381795518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034469671525956,0.13266632880354912,0.0,0.44296883659157504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725956202727376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081839529975658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241162317670329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044321225532193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046301656828774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237850740319391,0.0,0.3048722118002139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287558451628457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902612312438102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,rainie7,2019/04/18,"I have tried and I have failed. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I don’t want to end my life but sometimes I feel like that is what I’m destined to do. Since high school, I’ve always been suicidal. Not actively suicidal, but I’ve always just felt like there’s nothing in life that makes all the inevitable suffering worth it. I wish I was never born, and the thought of hurting my mom has literally been the only thing keeping me alive. I have no other family or friends. 

I’ve been given all the tools to succeed in life. My parents care about me and support me. They pay for my college and living expenses, literally all I have to do is go to school and get some sort of degree. I feel so privileged and I feel like a waste of space since I’m still a complete failure. 

Instead of thriving in college, I ended up pregnant at 20. My boyfriend left me shortly after we found out. I feel like I am in this world completely alone. I have an abortion scheduled because I can’t take care of a baby right now. Losing my boyfriend and my baby at once is just too much to handle, I really want to end my life. 

I have gone to multiple therapists and tried to get help, but I am always in an insurmountable amount of pain. I feel like I am hanging by an extremely loose thread, that being my mom. 

I just don’t know how much longer I can keep holding on.",2.8635968379446664,4.337610840579714,4.180988142292492,87.43179841897236,74.65217391304348,7.1920948616600775,27.03820816864296,7.84624498591911,1.5237231884057971,1056,40,222,15,22,348,145,276,0.163,0.6559999999999999,0.181,0.598,1,1,0,0,0,2,27.0,1,0,1,3,11,16,0,0,10,0,27,5,0,2,4,43,54,15,2,4,9,3,6,5,1,0,5,0,0,0,9,10,0,3,10,0,3,3,7,5,0,0,9,6,39,11,29,44,7,28,0,4,0,0,7,16,0,4,14,146,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107809128981336,0.0,0.0,0.2436184159465813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678715786265224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949247902534655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900745043440965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465118805158167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593183091289061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200306507813412,0.0,0.2467326358440546,0.27888507895207504,0.0937056746645698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700693197502632,0.07540098681785598,0.0,0.10197781525969224,0.0,0.055464996132387236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541529167624585,0.10311356220393017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044765402978006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734923032174909,0.0,0.0,0.1072703688759032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603631352881038,0.0,0.2757344957742487,0.23839782411675906,0.0,0.08617740945196757,0.0,0.0,0.1091828737555408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514484312444653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286021434061627,0.0,0.0,0.14348583749900629,0.0,0.07527061360879166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936442049211582,0.0,0.0,0.10393456893588288,0.0,0.07422473763395815,0.10384704082677604,0.0,0.1083667377314994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252130209542643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334485827636086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754095039345967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614617544127064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652309525885384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793880249511248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135042876352648,0.11074866816299912,0.0,0.0,0.07337864398399407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331431311725228,0.06483720692533823,0.0,0.0,0.07747884203468493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252002320379352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151270991196883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222843914450677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TheQuartzMineCanary,2019/04/18,"The person I love most in the world refuses to talk to me and I feel like I'm breaking into pieces She's my one and only, but recently she did something really bad and hurt me. Because of this she decided that she wants to be seperated for a weekend. 

We've been together through so much for so long. We've always been able to talk to each other, she's never done this before.

She's with a roomate that she's admitted she has had sexual feelings for and wanted to be maybe poly with my permission. That's what lead up to this. I said maybe, we were going to sit down and talk through this and then she went and had sex not only without my knowledge, only later telling me, and without my consent or the plan, but she did it right after asked her to take it slow and she agreed. 

It hurt me. And on the same day I lost a really big opportunity for the future, and for the past weeks I've been feeling extremely isolated because she stopped talking or hanging out with me like we always have. My mental health has been getting really awful really fast, and she knows. This all seemed to snowball into yesterday. 

She says we need time apart. It's killing me, honestly. I've spent weeks away from her before but I'm just in such a vunerable place right now that every minute is stretching by like days. We've always been able to work through everything, we've never kept secrets, we tell each other everything. And she refuses to talk. 

I always seem to have suicidal thoughts, and now they are completely out of control. I already cut up my arms when I promised years ago to stop. I'm sitting at home for hours with nothing to do but cry. The internet is filled with worthless shit, none of it reaches me. I tried drawing and I couldn't even begin. I tried watching TV but all I can do is think about her. I'm either wracked with sobs or laying in silence in this oppressive numbness. 

I texted a friend today and it turns out she didn't attend class, and neither did her roommate. All of my fears and paranoia are louder than ever. I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk because she doesn't need me anymore. I'm afraid she's upset, because she seemed genuinely sorry, but she's taking comfort with someone else. I'm afraid she might hurt herself as well, because she has a history of depression like me. I'm afraid I've failed her for being upset about this and she's mad at me. I'm so scared she's going to leave me. There are a million different scenarios in my head and she won't even talk to me to tell me if I'm wrong. 

I broke down and sent her dozens of messages and her friend texted me to say to stop because I'm stressing her out. 

All I can think about is dying. I've had to have failed her somehow and I'm so terrified she's going to leave me. I'm hurt and confused as to why she's doing this. Everything feels allike misery and I want to scream. 

Everything feels empty. She's never abandoned me like this, we have always been a duo. We've solved worse problems to together. We have always trusted each other. If she can't tell me how she's feeling then I'm terrified that it's something really really bad. 

I looked at her reddit account today and just fell apart sobbing. She's the person who I trust with my life. I don't understand why she's doing this. I'm so hurt and confused.

All my thoughts are telling me how worthless I am, how I'll never be enough, how I'm nothing, how I'm being replaced and she doesn't want me around. I want to die. I want to die so badly. This is hell. This feels like hell 

I know she won't see this but

Please come back to me, love. Please don't do this. I need you more than ever. You can tell me anything, we've always been able to work through tough situations. Just please trust me. It's breaking my heart. I love you more than the world. Come back to me, please.",2.372641196013287,4.336254078811372,3.4799084533038034,89.80734883720932,77.33333333333333,6.438361018826134,24.106238464378,7.393208230333746,1.0133925286083425,3003,101,622,39,70,968,288,774,0.251,0.645,0.104,-0.9993,1,0,2,0,0,2,81.0,6,3,1,9,31,59,6,11,17,1,57,11,4,7,11,137,124,56,5,14,19,0,7,6,2,3,3,4,1,2,32,54,0,8,21,2,2,12,19,40,1,3,24,14,114,19,90,91,18,83,2,15,3,4,87,30,5,13,43,405,146,6,0.14889336287778546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399499415990411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476917613454982,0.0,0.2890794795301726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049220735711555004,0.0,0.0,0.040842183703902885,0.044182220062431034,0.04639839838805807,0.0,0.04663007189782303,0.07632653694281191,0.12431973872302858,0.1815280240641361,0.0,0.0844648568630914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550563213324293,0.0520372860541946,0.0,0.055665522375686505,0.0,0.0,0.054517455875849836,0.0640159342770598,0.0,0.04274721175701824,0.0,0.15452780343676656,0.05185395795680725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078986829847063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041460433035120925,0.0,0.0,0.0512822151858244,0.0,0.06556177462268531,0.08978838068590242,0.0418163599808727,0.0,0.17842100514012366,0.0,0.0,0.0558488093521395,0.17566490203732354,0.07091296546012701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668976187561402,0.0,0.02593021225223912,0.0,0.08461952937233948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093584868294602,0.052755560723848516,0.0,0.05881311730125573,0.0,0.0,0.04978406099639257,0.0,0.04887665671688087,0.0,0.26565570741074523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490948187908692,0.0,0.054551932226529806,0.0,0.0,0.10510438185543214,0.0,0.0,0.035055928500149235,0.14548355241564967,0.0,0.0,0.04392198024865132,0.041677641688555436,0.0,0.05417823137683808,0.0,0.13438207318220666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972226375927848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500164965627053,0.05265077619676749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03648458453502617,0.1104025419529273,0.15311432058134766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524479823829228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03363133202550197,0.1132401118604492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737852083400942,0.0,0.08667196092010046,0.05185395795680725,0.21792026746946008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749027992871865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907698017839252,0.0,0.04900474440422504,0.0,0.0,0.08476941223874371,0.04721056144459779,0.07893731886827278,0.04968941029927618,0.0,0.03954957764163937,0.13554692552031045,0.0,0.0,0.050945632446309626,0.0,0.05578745942066228,0.0,0.0,0.042052287729707455,0.07641692334325031,0.0,0.055557976554172835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124481518369285,0.056852281372780526,0.0,0.0,0.05428839087253687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463285258430226,0.2792413052352443,0.26027872379161193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360323658772983,0.0,0.07880313238329123,0.028940305754247688,0.0,0.0940889989094563,0.0,0.0,0.06739254651799233,0.0539844076685234,0.0,0.051667747254081235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049160472784352,0.0,0.07962218306090647,0.0,0.044624338200386575,0.04600854636215915,0.08956873407738784,0.0,0.0,0.09568525902809354,0.0,0.07226409432428067,0.0,0.05057835236277392,0.0,0.05426383954505759,0.0,0.031960814677545586
suicidewatch,WildRedRage,2019/04/18,"Mind dump. I don’t know how to start this. This week has been torture, so has the last, so has the month and for my foreseeable future it probably will be. I can’t find anymore ways to cope with this stress. Play video games? No, I’m just going to get too engrossed and forget about homework. Take a break? No, I need to exempt my AP computer science class so I can maintain my GPA. Go exercise? Nope, I have to study or I’m failing. Don’t study and fail my classes? Yes, easiest way out is to not do it... why do I think like this? God how am I going to get home now? Why did you take my bike? There are plenty of other bikes that are unlocked. And they’re brand spanking new, mine is straight up hot garbage with broken pedal and gears. Do you really want that bike? Hey now that I don’t have my bike anymore do you just wanna sleep? Yeah, sleep and forget about all the stress. The homework. The grades. The bike. Wake up late. Now im late to school I don’t have a ride to get to school. It’s pouring it’s thundering and lightning. Thunder scares me, so why would you make a loud noise. Going to go home and play video games. Fuck school and all the bullshit that comes with it, just send me back into my moms womb and make another person that isn’t me. Play video games. I’m on a team, we’ve played well so far but I just don’t agree with how everyone thinks about our team. I need to find something I deserve. But who’s going to pick me up? I’m not the most flexible in roles or schedule. I’m leaving, I’m taking a risk. I found this team they want to try me out, I’ll take it. I’ll just focus on my games. Fuck school. I’ll make it to the top. How have my parents not disowned me yet? I need someone to set me on the right path please I just cannot. This is too much work.",-0.5690716180371354,1.6110585145888618,1.028584084880638,101.1177090185677,92.50132625994695,4.077007957559681,16.558567639257294,5.6839178017228535,-0.7676541750663128,1368,34,327,10,50,437,178,377,0.103,0.809,0.08800000000000001,-0.8559,1,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,1,4,1,7,27,16,4,4,15,2,31,7,4,8,2,58,66,23,0,7,13,2,1,1,0,2,1,3,4,1,20,18,0,0,6,20,0,9,14,10,1,0,3,4,38,6,36,60,4,41,0,2,0,3,20,14,2,3,15,188,58,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811127742490648,0.0,0.0,0.18558308683855607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194586858958098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059814082403086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940556474118216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171033807867423,0.0,0.0,0.1025894198547995,0.0,0.17299905198408322,0.14665187636619706,0.0,0.31905157939477896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770706251147198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106647920837054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142099071281472,0.0762681315194757,0.2110912573559316,0.09907204424623378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04571123387874111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736650624359466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944741864204158,0.10958243936512108,0.07468285539938534,0.0,0.06878119274477718,0.20813224583351267,0.0,0.09036585976402582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389308944981553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169752959486384,0.0,0.10270649995630804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087911801758248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059940267346730275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990417537106706,0.0,0.0,0.09367509458378924,0.3787719379368885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726555693611727,0.0,0.07927749608657457,0.07203106737297525,0.0,0.0,0.06622593494676318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435725651898085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28139756470381605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199056130331558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635246336321213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037436631685953,0.14853541210347526,0.07505236512443422,0.0,0.08412635763803993,0.0,0.2532841379857892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811658490277422,0.0,0.0,0.06646603839002377,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,UndiminishedRage,2019/04/18,"I was born inferior. I just want to put an end to my misery. I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm gay. I was bullied throughout secondary school because of this and no one would give a fuck. My classmates would just watch as my bullies aggravated me and my teachers would blame me for acting that way and do nothing about it. (I still have no idea what it was that gave it away. Perhaps I was acting too feminine?) That, and my entire family is homophobic. They believe that homosexuality is a choice and therefore unnatural. In fact, my grandfather even once quipped that it is a mental illness that deserves to be punished by death as it hampers reproduction. Little did he know that I happened to be one of them.

It seems to me as if we're under constant scrutiny from society. As a result, I've come to resent straight people and it's taking a huge toll on me. I can't help but feel a pang of envy when I see straight couples because they remind me of who I am. I know this is wrong and it probably makes me an absolutely despicable person. But I can't help it. I'll never be able to kiss or hold hands with my partner in public without being leered at, say, or verbally attacked. I'll never be able to have my own children. I'll never be able to relate to heterosexual people in terms of how they live. For example, I've never caught on to the heterosexual banter and sex jokes that are virtually ubiquitous in society, and I feel like I'm being looked down upon because of it. I feel like I am different from and, by extension, inferior to me. They don't have to go through all the trouble of coming out and being in denial about their sexuality lest they be shunned by their friends and family. They are not prosecuted and frowned upon by dint of their sexuality in a whole host of countries and cultures. I should also like to mention that since virtually all people are straight, they have considerably less trouble meeting a partner. It is safe for them to assume that the person they like is straight, just like them. They don't have to make an effort to ascertain their sexuality beforehand. By contrast, every guy I've been attracted to turned out to be straight. In summary, they can practise their sexuality unhindered. As for me, it's almost as if I'm handicapped. I feel left out. That is to say, I'm not privy to the lifestyle shared by heterosexual people, and I'll never be. I might be overgeneralising things, but like I said, I can't help it. I do apologise if anyone takes offence.

What's more, I'm an ethnic minority. More specifically, I'm Russian-Jewish. Which is probably one of the most hated and undesirable ethnic groups out there. My classmates would continuously crack Holocaust jokes about me and my family. I've been spat at for wearing a Jewish necklace in public. Isn't it funny how I have to conceal my ethnicity just to be entitled to one of the most basic human rights?

No, I don't believe in acceptance. Not anymore, at least. It's all bullshit in my book. If people were truly accepting, they would've stood up for me or at least apologised for that matter. My former bullies are now the very people who profess their allegedly unalloyed support for the LGBT community on social media. I don't believe a single word of theirs. The hypocrisy is absolutely staggering. I'm sick and tired of their contrived empathy. I'm aggrieved that they're exalted by society when, in fact, it's obvious that they couldn't give two flying monkeys about the likes of me.

I'm about to leave for a nearby train station so I can jump in front of a train and die in an instant as my body won't be able to withstand the ensuing impact. I have no qualms with leaving everything behind. Frankly, I couldn't care less at this point. I'm past my prime anyway. There's no margin for self-improvement for me.

Needless to say, I lost the genetic lottery. I've been sidelined all my life. As a matter of fact, I was born inferior to everyone else. Please do not try to cajole me otherwise. I'm convinced that I have no self-worth whatsoever, and I'm probably just bound to be miserable.

I hope this is goodbye.",4.308633964669099,6.09544680928482,5.7631319830316095,76.27625121985227,71.49686323713927,8.623680070104161,30.34213618529804,9.193723373851556,2.800927880344944,3285,141,599,71,63,1109,333,797,0.139,0.75,0.111,-0.9778,1,0,0,0,0,0,93.0,0,0,23,2,23,33,5,1,30,0,71,12,4,6,13,98,116,44,3,13,20,0,5,7,3,7,4,5,0,7,43,28,0,3,12,3,0,10,27,13,0,5,15,13,82,20,117,77,16,69,1,5,3,4,53,41,1,14,24,426,125,2,0.2746577707078704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875752078278817,0.0,0.0,0.054910930000991134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809667644940715,0.04801177484754937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811571626584565,0.06451250419024528,0.0,0.0,0.12557162080669293,0.0,0.0,0.2320839401244177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627071652356285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000797555438244,0.0,0.0,0.11829667480188752,0.0,0.07420186904364284,0.0,0.0,0.07597589980349205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126285078127312,0.07173972811578498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057360331027765235,0.0,0.06081631552544541,0.0,0.0,0.045352216798355,0.0,0.057852754428474276,0.06561181752788839,0.061711173569235764,0.0,0.19419217673082426,0.0,0.13887522141253272,0.09810778313646007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530499780827106,0.06347917081076793,0.0,0.13173838037511626,0.07804717029204628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798859365849726,0.060719739891438126,0.0,0.0,0.06779192150003004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807298562611733,0.0,0.0,0.06819928477526488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751379791760833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547236392990167,0.0,0.0,0.14541146086412665,0.07460411787797305,0.0,0.048499726511560426,0.23482184821898086,0.068819810358657,0.060631960874668725,0.0,0.05766083826686101,0.0,0.07495535040943224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916680973500229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919760816910846,0.07284212272836328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647912561054807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588538463881026,0.0,0.0,0.07312539048598811,0.18611521363062855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065547980078803,0.2856196733555376,0.11991028566901688,0.0,0.07537293851416542,0.06491009263899393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209564817038105,0.0,0.0,0.06902673013667758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863905886998956,0.06531560898495284,0.2184188832226064,0.0,0.06949208180873012,0.05471667079818093,0.06250952975699882,0.1432639777411684,0.0,0.0,0.05679993654115969,0.0,0.0,0.06999475219200317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054835512619302834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791959583936323,0.0,0.0,0.10325423099550354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045617604642792534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891967590960569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661864932526786,0.0746871961414693,0.0670751831616505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056655356330674464,0.04050006732524075,0.05450263853024938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076661398100219,0.0,0.06619007244424575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24388624999306735,0.07507378894246908,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Fuckthisimout11,2019/04/18,"I’m going to jump off the roof of my school. I have my first final tomorrow and I don’t think I’ll pass. My motivation is gone and what’s the point in trying? I’ll give the exam and if it doesn’t go well I’m planning on jumping off the roof after the exam. 
My dad is the only provider of my family and he’s gotten old but now all my siblings are still studying. I’m the youngest and my parents had high hopes for me. They put so much money into my tuition this year. They got another apartment so I could be closer to school and the commute wouldn’t be a problem. I tried in the beginning of the year but then I just stopped trying and now even if I pass I won’t get the scores to be able to get into a good uni. I can’t let my parents down and I don’t want them to spend any more money on my studies.",0.3961368142762716,2.0850545224719106,2.6800462656972925,94.49724058162592,82.42696629213485,5.311830799735625,20.582947785855914,6.2272716619740125,0.011918307997355715,627,18,148,5,17,214,101,178,0.036000000000000004,0.89,0.07400000000000001,0.6542,3,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,3,8,4,0,0,13,0,16,0,0,1,1,24,31,15,0,7,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,1,2,0,4,8,6,1,1,1,4,0,23,3,19,20,3,34,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,3,13,99,26,5,0.1643476852527465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117620616941331,0.1723328777261599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121825358145658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855009610950414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549323710868703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003485594299334,0.0,0.13979405711893228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172976468800233,0.1576572752177792,0.1868051538460575,0.1378470409668907,0.13144385734339115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364235278358384,0.0,0.16323433427454784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805664306728024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081445874779792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245524941638207,0.0,0.0,0.1249938204250446,0.0,0.0,0.3649773104718113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536168443027853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725853914716748,0.0,0.16521481681426728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33265726315988103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131248273739403,0.13740202387350042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530736064128246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33474387066367056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693652286376732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776830640575414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166904190449906
suicidewatch,athbilbao23,2019/04/18,"Not sure what to do Tl;dr: I am stressed by academics and pained by matters surrounding my ex-girlfriend. While I am too scared to actually attempt suicide, carrying on with life seems hard, and I don't know what to do.

I am having trouble, because I sometimes feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I ama college student, and It may sound really silly, but I am very stressed and scared about academics. I have this fear that I will not do well on my exams, etc., and yet I am scared/completely turned off by the thought of studying and putting in the effort so as to decrease my chances of failure. 

So there is that on one end.

On the other end, I am dealing with sadness and nostalgia about my ex-girlfriend, who I broke up with a few months ago and have more recently decided to stop communication with (so as to allow ourselves to move on). Still, I get moments of doubt about whether maybe I want to get back together with her. I miss the comfort of having her. But I know that being in a relationship with her will not solve my academic stress. So while it hurts to admit, I don't think that getting back together with her is right.

So I have these two sources of pain--academics and the matters surrounding my ex--that are making it seem hard to carry on. I am too scared to actually attempt committing suicide, but again, I don't want to carry on.",7.808681727194737,6.3543059962825295,7.613828996282532,77.33044895624823,63.386617100371744,10.656105233056904,38.536173863311404,9.466822959209583,3.4486200171575643,1079,48,214,16,13,345,132,269,0.247,0.6920000000000001,0.061,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,0,2,38.0,0,0,0,3,18,18,0,8,9,0,26,2,0,2,2,44,43,25,2,2,7,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,13,17,0,1,9,1,0,2,6,14,1,2,2,5,31,4,45,37,3,31,0,4,0,0,8,15,0,4,14,163,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.21730321208574416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869603500864796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122690219748052,0.0,0.0678717225303969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673768582609607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478646834150916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197228071095062,0.0,0.1241733337208079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528825490863707,0.056296759770479536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451138601771155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992158354460419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919158304038832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237890959253425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864260951907648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432019625446955,0.0,0.11185581704312728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888703842763184,0.1183366112345652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754467453936273,0.0,0.2369468428973972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163264173019534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119272741305763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713271414736644,0.0,0.10993464283073294,0.11953730186956005,0.0,0.0950836002792618,0.0,0.0,0.3344117578898975,0.0,0.0,0.2027191860032032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011793165305628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891612627280103,0.0930850772874337,0.38261817235129386,0.0,0.0,0.2435753898111549,0.0,0.10493646529054064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134206271411382,0.10939081055011904,0.08839138248574532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110575511860285,0.10876282851914368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186701421945848,0.1313422243482561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010787202870036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mcraneschair,2019/04/18,"I'm done after my grandfather dies. I literally have nothing to live for. Taking care of him is my only purpose right now and when he dies, I'm done, too.

I'm tired of how my aunt talks to me and expects me to take care of her, too. 

I have no kids yet at 28 I'm essentially taking care of two grown adults. He's legitimately bedridden, she's just fat and lazy. I've been on r/justnofamily before. Things won't change fast enough before he dies so I'm just holding on.

I have no place of my own or savings.

My SO believes ""love is a vibe"" with a switch so I am wasting my emotion and energy there.

I dropped out of college because I'm a dumb ass. I gave up a free ride because I wanted to ""get away"" when I was young.

I don't have a career and am currently unemployed playing caretaker.

I have no hobbies, skills, or talents.

I'm in medical, credit card, and student loan debt.

There's a good chance I'm infertile.

I have MS.

All I want to do anymore is just sleep and eat and go through the motions of the days.

I have nothing to offer this world, I am a drain of resources. I was an unplanned baby. Mom had me at 39. If she wasn't Catholic I may have been aborted and this whole thing avoided. I'm not really even supposed to be on this planet, sucking everyone else's oxygen and my fat ass eating everyone's food.

I have nothing to offer an SO, I really don't. I'm good as a body and throat to fuck but I have nothing to offer. Nothing makes me special or wonderful. Without a job, I'm essentially a leech. I'm surprised he's putting up with me (and living in a basement at 28!) but, since love is a switch, there's no guarantee he'll stick around. And I have nothing to offer future suitors except a pussy and a mouth.

So, I'm stuck in debt with no career and I can't get a career until I finish school and I can't finish school until I pay off my loans and I can't pay off my loans until I get a career... see where I'm going with this?

Past me fucked up so much that there's nothing left for present me.

Once grandpa's dead, I'm not holding on for my aunt or anyone else. Call suicide selfish, go ahead, but it's also shittier to keep living because it's what everyone else wants. It's shitty for me to have to keep living because you'd be heartbroken and have to deal with my loss after I died. I think it's the ultimate control to guilt someone into living. Once I'm dead, it won't matter. I won't care about your feelings.

I don't know how, although ODing on insulin seems to be the least messy and most convenient way.

If this post gets deleted then there's just more fuel to my fire. 👍",1.1496278155289588,3.0781955118829982,3.233631816770721,90.26144493118557,81.08409506398537,5.8102031664999485,23.483460384257178,6.892418011121327,0.7530616329205615,2023,72,438,23,53,686,245,547,0.18,0.7340000000000001,0.087,-0.9949,6,1,0,0,0,1,70.0,0,2,0,4,28,23,4,2,22,0,43,18,8,4,1,67,93,45,7,6,17,4,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,14,27,5,6,5,1,9,7,18,8,0,1,10,3,56,16,66,74,8,55,0,1,1,6,27,25,6,10,20,272,70,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05511149656805744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683454050108035,0.04818714169818839,0.07061181258055686,0.0,0.061349178974876774,0.0,0.0,0.064748141275577,0.0,0.0,0.16804037493709795,0.0,0.11728359537974793,0.07764388176414196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654930142060506,0.0,0.0,0.07037017038231877,0.0,0.28105474115498363,0.0,0.0729031914274586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729430730575412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04444463184124566,0.07104859158824904,0.0,0.0,0.2860925761913874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410484450962579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103500079178513,0.17270953268441802,0.07752037494280539,0.0,0.07120787034281445,0.0,0.04551786940034023,0.0,0.0,0.19755440982953476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03484561856868417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333258786581345,0.0,0.0,0.12742206712643994,0.14402148466702738,0.0,0.11749836574300596,0.1156056757724955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838774691532427,0.12251007252928148,0.0,0.0,0.037874016390096486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487661539006263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042671198246492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439739857678488,0.0,0.046001461206493455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942485913633532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071270209010266,0.0,0.0,0.05066063460144253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4628822539590892,0.0,0.0,0.14678497365583326,0.0,0.052413149300368216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578739932270032,0.0,0.0,0.07200176321499371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600175482461228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927885579361101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829774130940936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885324272616066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949181439978778,0.054916527817959866,0.06273785081788898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057007402855815785,0.0,0.06896501481574448,0.0,0.05839166349240452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538209268776329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544706300849553,0.055391463508068485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156845319024402,0.0441581063523788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792079363428362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732018063704989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194399118868393,0.05470171378003792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694140999299129,0.0,0.06643183698190287,0.0747356435291418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WestString,2019/04/18,"A good friendship ended all because of me I will not be releasing too much, i had to delete my other page because of this matter. a friend Ive been friends with for 5 years finally decided to no longer speak with me after he found my Reddit page. He saw the unsent letter to him where i admitted some feelings toward him. I was already going through a dark spot, and he, along with everyone else, just left. Honestly... this is a lot to take in rn..",5.939550561797752,5.593933067415733,6.5991910112359555,79.45339325842697,66.64044943820224,9.816629213483148,32.406741573033706,9.3871,2.764980224719101,349,13,69,6,5,115,68,89,0.025,0.8109999999999999,0.165,0.8866,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,15,13,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,11,4,15,6,6,9,0,0,1,0,10,4,0,2,4,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28885294743029016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31912661155310584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866256038816145,0.0,0.2318370732506961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501179431029493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323510993766676,0.0,0.0,0.2867396054892409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28700064422710386,0.4044622417010234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876129357455156,0.21954752004923495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28439737251170044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225345833739171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192419907007946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968070451812654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685615189683044
suicidewatch,SpiritedProblem,2019/04/18,"I am a woman hater and DISGUSTING excuse for a human being who will not take care of her health, but I'm too much of a coward to do the RIGHT thing and kill myself I have thighs that touch, a giant FUPA and vile 37-31-39 measurements.  I look at r/instagramreality daily.  Posts I agree with been called out my thousands of angry subreddit users saying that 33-20-33 measurements are HEALTHY SLIM AND NORMAL and that women are SUPPOSED TO have thigh gaps and flat stomachs.  I cannot help that I am a digusraceful woman hating hamplanet THAT NEEDS TO KILL THEMSELVES, STAT.

r/instagramreality: ""A sub run by jealous hamplanet excuses for human beings WHO ARE JEALOUS OF NORMAL WEIGHT WOMEN and they should kill themselves STAT""",7.312833333333334,7.794566681481483,7.598657407407408,70.64020833333338,63.66666666666666,9.712962962962962,30.208333333333336,9.516144504307137,2.7111666666666667,582,18,99,10,8,190,88,135,0.34600000000000003,0.6,0.054000000000000006,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,1,10,9,0,7,0,14,5,3,0,0,15,20,8,3,4,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,6,8,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,1,1,4,10,1,13,15,1,6,0,0,1,0,15,4,0,0,0,64,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004112311764013,0.0,0.1997384181846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341583667981016,0.0,0.20823807748932072,0.0,0.0,0.13131113288448412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6502202679043929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451103657003133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401287063063967,0.14526123104857114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838910227395522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762303815833828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730197909275446,0.0,0.1557916862009563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729633735722372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015071669432765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23855976883820054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Sir-Kaya,2019/04/18,"How do one cope with constant rejection? Sometimes I look at my meal and think instead of me some starveling kids from Africa or somewhere should eat this, maybe they have what it takes to cope with this life.",8.60923076923077,8.010488512820514,5.6303846153846155,89.42711538461542,61.30769230769231,8.825641025641023,34.884615384615394,7.1686216300943375,2.0261692307692307,168,6,34,1,2,45,36,39,0.086,0.914,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,6,5,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,2,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131513647136829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912081116384679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700434430392327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32105194016712635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38409114528384863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590694664990403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781235844766439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874565492626829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497478360209946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RandAdviceThrowaway,2019/04/18,"I am not living, so why should I continue on? I am just so unhappy with my choices in life.  I have gotten to the point now where I just feel like a ghost going through the motions of everyday life.  While I have done well in some regards, I gave up so many opportunities for a social life.  I don’t get it either, I know I am not a man who is tall or perhaps strong.  Yeah I don’t have a beard either, but what makes me so undesirable to everyone? I try to live my life well, live peacefully with all.  I don’t look down on others, give to charity.  But I still fall short, and not just because I am physically short. I am tired of just being used as emotional support but never as someone who is dating material.  I just am tired of this life because in the end it seems meaningless.  I don’t feel anyone truly cares about me.  If I was gone, sure there would be sad family, but nothing would truly change.  The world would keep on going, my work would just hire another person.  I am just a replaceable cog in the machine.  So can’t I be replaced already? I am just tired of it, trying to change for the better but not getting anywhere, trying to pray for something better when all there is, is silence. I just think I am better off not being here, because literally nothing would change.  I am so over lookable, that life can just over look me and it would be fine.",3.95585887796414,4.8625091318681335,5.185112781954889,83.47962406015037,71.23443223443223,8.091690765374976,27.188933873144396,8.371475516178862,1.7250556776556776,1055,35,217,16,19,351,137,273,0.097,0.7120000000000001,0.191,0.9752,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,6,26,13,0,0,11,1,37,9,0,2,4,48,57,19,1,8,24,0,2,1,0,7,9,0,0,2,10,4,0,1,5,0,0,5,11,1,2,0,5,4,31,12,31,40,5,32,1,1,2,0,7,18,0,4,10,166,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223742466755534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714765589461499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478040199305815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942885574646988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458141994467589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445901163898686,0.0,0.2940222981160049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480926500123678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421454509380708,0.08205706579239506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852744828633921,0.0,0.0,0.08733862552449738,0.0,0.09368944075224103,0.06618648915196322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680766843157508,0.08887471110693622,0.10530598133464937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234823094875464,0.0,0.0,0.050915948121786264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39263265604511977,0.04526227092261755,0.0,0.2454249699095781,0.0,0.15559900853674122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618420816052833,0.09392874139416513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145448827595423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777931232878486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089511930569508,0.0,0.0,0.08758063845613694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434165324888224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444116987551636,0.07849885468976785,0.07132359837254762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398740334539343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513385013651948,0.08731798053449465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936396681662605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194496566823175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870213733527966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001660126809414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660018415809366,0.0,0.08359881733759172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744756285449359,0.0,0.0,0.3948793652881207,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,acerianumo,2019/04/18,"I don't want to die but i feel like life is already over. Throwaway account because I have family who knows my main account. I'm 21. No job, no friends, I'm not in college, live with my grandmother and my also unemployed brother. Just three years ago I had a great life but the moment I moved away from my abusive parents' home everything fell apart. No one sees me anymore because they claim it's too far for them to drive (but are completely fine with asking me to come to them if I beg to hang out) so I just sit at home. 

My brother has really bad social anxiety and my parents messed him up growing up to the point i just know if I don't step up and take care of him he won't make it. This puts an extreme amount of stress on me because I'm scared I won't be able to if I don't have a great job and all of these things others have. I mostly just feel like since high school I've been ripped out of my own life.

 I remember all the things I used to do and the people I met and could talk with but my personality is completely different now. I'm anxious just being in public. Im not funny or outgoing. I used to be an extrovert who could get along with literally anyone and now I'm lucky if I can make it through a light conversation with a stranger. Again as the title says I don't want to die. I do really want to live and have a home and all those things but I'm just not happy. I feel stuck and one after another obstacle is piling up. Even if I did want to die I can't. I have to take care of my brother and I can't do that to my grandmother. So I'm trapped in between

I don't know what it is but I have mental health problems that I've had since 14. I used to think I was depressed and edgy teenage me wanted to ""die"" but what I feel now is completely different. I've been told to seek therapy but I can't do it. I have health insurance through my parents but I'm so used to them screaming my head off over a dollar that i really don't want to use it because I don't know if it would increase their bills. Im also scared of what the therapist might say. The closest to a dream career I ever had is becoming a gunsmith but I really doubt they'd let someone with a mental disorder do that. Especially if I was on meds for it. 

The last three years I've literally just sat and stared as everyone I used to knows lives progress like they had hoped for but I turned out worse than I feared. And now I feel the mess is just too big to be able to fix. I'm the embodiment of everything I used to think makes a person a failure, I just wish I could go back in time and slap myself for ever thinking just leaving my parents would make life better. Ironically life was better then despite all of the shit they put us through. My brother agrees. 

I don't know what to do. I just feel abandoned by the world and if I'm not extremely careful with each action I take now I'll end up homeless and even more forgotten. And where I live if you can manage to be homeless, there's really no bouncing back",2.1020686726522726,3.539056783911672,3.756798107255523,89.84403482164524,76.58675078864353,7.211307934967241,24.495146809026927,7.9479579679613535,1.1600522688667794,2347,78,529,37,52,784,255,634,0.16,0.71,0.129,-0.9527,10,1,0,1,0,3,41.0,1,1,8,3,32,28,1,5,25,0,60,9,2,11,6,119,120,47,4,23,36,8,6,3,1,5,7,3,3,2,25,31,0,1,16,1,4,12,21,13,0,4,14,12,78,15,75,91,11,59,0,2,2,0,35,27,1,15,22,355,103,7,0.11130880935577912,0.06594136886769872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933427175232412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061416019496493425,0.08901361462705139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583584959017041,0.04257546724578108,0.06287363588954206,0.055194214655817364,0.038914853780143394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520293555814406,0.0,0.0522891452258492,0.08558960371183047,0.04646910322000136,0.135705634104533,0.06146591742222275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844359646073927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023012422222727,0.0,0.0,0.047941341652230116,0.17505775330622236,0.0,0.0,0.133306540485509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793505719786823,0.0,0.2310419414333291,0.1162940149043672,0.06378476943236062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929328344212569,0.0,0.0,0.0735184188011092,0.10068519061190152,0.0,0.05318016868683935,0.1000371806155146,0.0,0.0524660196151411,0.06262667810814856,0.1688432353973766,0.07951903564432032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042998454997417536,0.0,0.02907712939335453,0.0,0.031629680734703736,0.0,0.0,0.12271835526936307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059245148669063274,0.0,0.0,0.057117475495652985,0.11831605931061008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058801934181040974,0.1674777170241359,0.05527738150415941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023261479182555,0.0,0.11045681805457032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835172319352699,0.04536576790692209,0.0,0.05892997869223076,0.0,0.056910399484423224,0.19655175960139004,0.08156979273915188,0.0,0.1965754358661492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859898914410458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181949720970816,0.0,0.11217309971926434,0.0590405283705983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059151824451545876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542572991410401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471905205602093,0.0,0.0,0.03858375666058229,0.09719055894854496,0.0,0.0,0.05261140151395468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325374898521081,0.0,0.11189609710199384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782681837456741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304559132224981,0.0,0.0,0.0885172328081909,0.11143953614392603,0.056325228780883675,0.04434935492821376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057128446626568165,0.09207579733259848,0.0,0.0,0.056732656844661625,0.04715579647820629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375193252191723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553555812495434,0.04473290232870717,0.0,0.0,0.0636456620786292,0.06461905339389558,0.11092294047312888,0.106983285873674,0.0,0.0,0.032452530928544096,0.0,0.0,0.05318016868683935,0.0,0.0,0.0605360107249299,0.0,0.0,0.06694539628139286,0.3364727556130198,0.0,0.0,0.19695845900953848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399981875094912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056716593055579835,0.07907058456058844,0.0,0.0,0.07167922382245591
suicidewatch,vodkaroses,2019/04/18,"reading my old depression journal triggered me I thought I was better, but reading my depression journal made me a bit suicidal. It fucking sucks, I've gotten better and boom now I feel like fucking shit. Now I have a headache on the right side of my brain and it sucking sucks!",3.5986792452830194,6.03675301886793,4.12890566037736,84.34015094339625,75.41509433962264,6.504150943396226,35.12830188679245,7.554174236665415,2.767697358490566,222,13,39,3,5,70,36,53,0.3670000000000001,0.509,0.124,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,11,6,0,3,0,2,4,2,2,0,7,11,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,2,9,3,2,7,1,6,0,2,0,2,0,3,6,0,4,23,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3723585114917989,0.2298227287914077,0.0,0.0,0.23499911768213744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36262443039839376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644033414115144,0.15038860226724424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892267653438488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284470058330444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918993828319487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089515097517315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211345394330773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977464824494815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608580054459192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302641038823654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712166606637566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,redrioja,2019/04/18,I'm such a fuck up. I wish I had been an abortion. Always thought this. I'm such a horrible person yet I can kill myself. Too much of a coward.,-2.186562500000001,-0.395574031249998,1.2872500000000002,97.23275,101.8125,3.8100000000000014,15.775,5.6839178017228535,-0.6411699999999998,109,3,26,1,5,39,24,32,0.404,0.522,0.07400000000000001,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389478133986538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765884902401343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506723961732768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994491037448511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35568228812385777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32339038069364834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4684323707799924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,josepijones,2019/04/18,"Feeling absolutely trapped First time poster here 

I've been contemplating suicide since I was 13 (19 now) and frankly I think it's about time I did it. I fuck up and disappoint everyone I meet, my best friend (at least until I fuck it up) just told me our entire cast likes it better when I'm not around (I'm an actor, we do theatre together) that's over 30 people, which is nothing compared to the amount of people who've said it in my lifetime, it's always the same wherever I go, I'm sick and tired of not liking myself because people don't like me and not being able to fix it, stuck in an endless fucking loop and I'm losing it,  I give myself to the end of the summer, because I need an out fast, I've already deleted all my social media so fuck it, won't be missed if there's nothing to miss right? Thanks for reading I guess, needed to get that out after 6 years of not saying anything about it",3.62000822706705,4.435451181818184,4.8488770053475925,85.91910736322502,71.94117647058823,7.037268613739202,26.684080625257092,7.010146845296331,1.175669189633895,709,23,147,6,13,235,118,187,0.182,0.7140000000000001,0.104,-0.9496,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,2,0,0,4,9,15,4,0,7,0,9,6,0,0,1,22,31,9,1,3,6,0,1,3,1,1,2,2,0,0,13,9,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,8,0,1,6,3,19,7,23,22,5,22,0,4,0,4,9,10,4,2,14,92,32,1,0.1380273640379874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231662848375446,0.0,0.11484982402120085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358475990965827,0.12287361749433964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828039998776415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448512029462274,0.12207398681683684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225127584550395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189106137103507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979078251585938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740600533940047,0.0,0.0,0.10663959906406864,0.5104162956392262,0.0721136008404861,0.13240842477492645,0.07844413182464073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520527028304604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229959411250392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441731432613587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469108299157687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648819568260858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870723848740985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380647162029501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787461471973705,0.13129563114844853,0.1097648998957431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417766186764693,0.0,0.0,0.14070151544090273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097953350984822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707705224497653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884423615748553,0.0,0.0,0.1609697319144178,0.15864215031616413,0.0,0.13189106137103507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888850970355728
suicidewatch,AnonymousBlobymous,2019/04/18,"What to do when you have suicidal thoughts Title says it all.  
It usually comes in waves, sometimes it's not as strong and sometimes it's so bad I feel like I want to jump from the 17th floor. It got much worse recently. I'm not planning on doing it anytime soon. Even though I crave it, the thought of death and suicide scares me a lot.  
What do you guys do whenever this happens? How do I stop it, or at least calm it down?",0.578977272727272,2.8196298522727297,1.787454545454544,97.92118181818184,85.70454545454547,5.3381818181818215,22.43636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.42045090909090943,329,12,76,4,10,104,65,88,0.272,0.667,0.061,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,2,0,2,6,5,0,1,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,14,14,8,3,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,2,7,3,9,11,4,12,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,6,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682126526844309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354198152679545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306398650680862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018654207705542,0.14392474781912248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112785052073755,0.0,0.0,0.19947940691444474,0.17815249661410845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842433118489867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127609123117207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480980126671378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989197725565265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021095208635588,0.20169896436288234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985028441407281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684315510164791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4407342389441698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979357424929989,0.31987721517581563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188232342296246,0.0,0.1188277176406104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053073528003017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,EminGTR,2019/04/18,"Part of me says ""make the title just 'another post' because no one has to see this post"" and other part of me says ""make it something like 'I need help' because you are here to get help"" Sorry for the nonsense title, I just couldn't decide.

I'm trying to make a post here for months and I just delete everything I write because I keep thinking that no one wants to read something about some reddit user nicknamed ""emingtr"" why would anyone want to etc. etc...

Sorry if I'm making zero sense or something I will just skip this beginning section of the post.

​

So, I'm a 17 years old boring and weak person. I got bullied at school for years which made me an asocial introvert that don't even get out of home. I switched schools 6 times in 3 different cities and each switch made me feel more and more like a stranger to the world. I lost the will to live after I realized that I was a disappointment. In late 2014 I told my parents about my thoughts and they found me a psychologist which I only visited 2 times because I don't want to go to someone that is speaking good to me just because we are paying her money. In 2015 I tried to suicide by jumping in front of a car which I failed and only broke my foot. I told my parents that it was just an accident and after some paperwork with police everything got noted down as an accident. In 2018 which is just a year ago I found a girl that was going to become my first lover though everything was just from internet. 3 months in relationship I already felt that she didn't like me though I still continued to try which resulted in me feeling like rejected which was too painful for me. I was not even talking to a single person in school which was half of my day, my online-friends and online-lover were not caring about me trying to explain my feelings, my parents were sick of my low grades in school, which resulted in me attempting suicide again. I was going to jump from the window and possibly die because we live on the top floor, but i was so scared and waited like 15 minutes before my parents came from my behind when I couldn't even hear them because of the wind. They got me back inside by force, they always stayed in my room in anger after that day. We got to a psychiatry many times even though I didn't wanted to. I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I got medication though I later stopped taking because of the side effects, I couldn't go to school anymore so we suspended my school and some months later, my supposedly lover said ""You made yourself less likeable Emin."" then after a week she said she loves someone else now.

​

That last part was 2 months ago. 

I'm just sleeping, crying, eating, playing video games, crying more, sleeping more. 

I don't think there is a good future ahead of me. I'm boring, weak, unnecessary.

No one ever liked me and 0 in 17 years means 0 in 100 years...

Sorry for my silly post. I don't even know why I wrote all of this.

I would say thanks for reading but actually I should say sorry for taking your time.",5.7847124183006535,6.066794678991599,5.967766106442577,81.71443160597575,66.91596638655463,8.69514472455649,30.3092903828198,8.430304187100639,2.1175200746965457,2394,82,467,31,36,762,265,595,0.14300000000000002,0.772,0.085,-0.9838,5,1,3,0,0,2,66.0,4,3,4,7,34,29,1,1,24,0,32,13,3,10,2,83,90,28,3,12,15,4,4,6,2,5,6,8,3,3,23,23,1,3,15,5,2,10,14,14,0,6,34,13,79,15,72,48,17,81,0,7,1,3,44,25,0,5,46,308,102,11,0.0,0.0,0.04837829445755502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789093907286552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470752314702945,0.0,0.04125058090254567,0.10742952926326696,0.12047871447927025,0.0,0.05198397407618685,0.03792493194673988,0.0,0.049165328535133127,0.03466416875261695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812030854977004,0.0,0.24176490693539435,0.05475197070239375,0.04218488790662255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567008810811188,0.05054527324498738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891217249345346,0.06394387232769995,0.0,0.04269909174684114,0.05031783704362292,0.05145128446341327,0.05179558659451144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507278590841974,0.04141376153591444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057902080437013,0.16371993134968332,0.04484365350540318,0.0,0.0,0.13366511910787304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075200210665303,0.07083313960764742,0.04760001618218432,0.0,0.0,0.04216868387019588,0.0,0.10871340955283723,0.038301716577252815,0.0,0.05180204586286929,0.0,0.11269903227940413,0.08316273828478114,0.2378991459820187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055874911817558964,0.0,0.06645849258324435,0.0,0.0497280196916305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406476166037062,0.0,0.0,0.02724526189390152,0.04041044695175024,0.05592304339579796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531978337118812,0.0,0.0875517112306405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541172436085586,0.0,0.04474360031209674,0.1407279058466785,0.13236746218452722,0.05026152419920403,0.0,0.05400198271202871,0.0,0.04994185062483305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828197210004713,0.0,0.0,0.03675942105673174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202088732719329,0.0,0.10078042094684347,0.07540842590679647,0.052751563248660906,0.0,0.2201898012300524,0.1610554999350723,0.0,0.0,0.08657439536038042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588864760545035,0.2373969368777921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917733516884586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053225267431623036,0.0,0.0,0.09431483419321728,0.15769692019983764,0.049633475541638966,0.3010368092124099,0.03950505716883208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922210894237668,0.0,0.08400989997391067,0.11449635262967985,0.0,0.221981742494912,0.0,0.05284062224000972,0.03959086014019313,0.04144713035202452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845455819813768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454883930066833,0.03984670953351642,0.0,0.045642231228153834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635316392070797,0.1948297328124569,0.03935721233350598,0.11563091203293513,0.0,0.0,0.09474255522418888,0.0,0.1346333671155789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169630718891161,0.0,0.039766276674679815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946790765577578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043367301497816,0.0,0.12047871447927025,0.15962418390905345
suicidewatch,DuoPleasure,2019/04/18,"Thanks Thanks mom for mutilating me at birth and setting me up for failure. Thanks dad for killing yourself and robbing me of any little enjoyment left of life. Thanks stepdad for beating the absolute shit out of me. Thanks uncle for forcing me to suck your dick when i was 4. Thanks girls from school for treating me like a mental punching bag. Thanks bullies for tearing my clothes off in the locker room and taunting me with small penis remarks. Thanks life for fucking me at every chance while giving my best friend everything he could ever want.

Just thanks.",5.9091176470588245,8.049726529411764,4.768774509803921,83.58198529411767,68.01960784313728,6.6686274509803924,32.357843137254896,7.1686216300943375,2.122290196078432,454,20,76,4,8,133,72,102,0.14300000000000002,0.544,0.314,0.9662,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,3,18,4,0,3,0,2,5,2,0,1,9,15,5,1,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,12,14,20,13,1,15,0,0,0,2,7,10,4,0,5,45,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332020573780608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314875351253173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860842150127681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752791084746501,0.09084164781736352,0.0,0.0969002211070791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833002243940962,0.0996763686620914,0.0,0.10342922884390827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928507926025887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714500146012552,0.0,0.15231064168081004,0.05267462159868583,0.10806235653287873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865558283614199,0.0,0.0,0.1262756009328194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091179717219656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067403290571924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8933822289493389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359408275171488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MadGusLon,2019/04/18,"I salute those brave enough to jump under a tube train. Jesus, that takes guts. Was contemplating it this morning, but was too fucking cowardly. Looks like it should have a reasonably high probability of success, but low probability of it being quick and pain free.",6.129347826086956,8.852655630434787,6.08195652173913,71.94076086956524,68.78260869565217,8.947826086956523,28.89130434782609,9.516144504307137,2.9186695652173915,213,8,35,5,4,67,39,46,0.17600000000000002,0.578,0.246,0.6604,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,0,2,0,5,3,1,1,0,5,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,5,4,4,1,5,1,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,2,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062025216759648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739652097685375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31310365726268696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447786867585863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488542847905418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153308603039595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6390178076003518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046909401922229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228137725561916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Devilate,2019/04/18,"don't want to tell my therapist that i want to die Ive been doing horrible for the past few weeks and I have realised that Im constantly lying to my therapist, because talking about my depression and suicidal thoughts makes me cringe so much. I prefer not to talk about it, but I feel like i cant do this for much longer. 
I don't know what talking is going to do. it just makes me cringe and feel bad. but I'm so alone in this feeling, so alone in my head, I'm so fucking alone and hopeless. in so much pain. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell her. I don't want anyone but a bunch of random strangers on the internet to know about this. this text is probably very messy and confusing but i cant really think straight at the moment so I apologise for that. 
the nights are the worst, because that's when I start to lose control over myself. I'm just in so much pain and I donf fucking know what to do",1.5863462704669509,3.2164640567010347,3.0935779260157688,93.20875985445728,78.5360824742268,6.832747119466344,23.26743480897514,7.724431198458867,0.8867068526379627,713,23,165,11,17,234,92,194,0.295,0.66,0.044,-0.9944,0,3,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,2,13,11,2,1,6,0,18,5,1,3,0,32,40,18,2,5,7,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,6,0,1,10,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,2,3,22,1,24,38,7,16,0,3,0,2,6,8,2,2,8,110,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614839413764794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134864129035775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714024444972666,0.14184132635085436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125723767702237,0.13048681986960148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020471348171657,0.0,0.12074404880764322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647718616963046,0.08311434938097757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21511157677846554,0.0,0.0,0.06611952255436362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939988395581612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256687216064099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25575285563442496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056838551907497724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015631456276824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531763182625258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3420973850283028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917856209224837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475909938499228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106107065754996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543575176804792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453130681123166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234707142405041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272586545220195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28053253233124703,0.2033750964559953,0.0,0.0,0.2701627622583921,0.0,0.07454689834521105,0.0,0.09236210944954837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599387387689294,0.27448478707881085,0.0,0.09332208713118004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pinkuselesscrybaby,2019/04/18,"I need to find a way to leave no body I am planning on killing myself. I am 21, jobless, haven't gone to college yet, have so many health problems I need help with, got thrown out by my parents as soon as I turned 18, dont have bank account, can't drive, am very ugly and am so far away from anyone who I would want to be right now. I have no idea how to start fixing my life and my girlfriend essentially told me she can't help me at all anymore and needs me to do sex work and make to make any money possible. I was abused so severely by my parents and I have a horrible relationship with my girlfriend. My dream job will never happen because I am too old to start now and am too fat to start any time soon, and my eating disorder iis making me sicker. I have no idea how to get medical help with no money or insurance but I get extreme severe migraines every day for hours as soon I get stressed, which is every morning to every night . I can't get a job because I'm in so much pain but I have no money to get treatment for this or my extreme anxiety from how ugly I am. I don't have the money to go to the doctor to get help for these migraines and am not eligible for my states Medicaid because I'm not registered as disabled and don't have child. Everyday I am miserable and am so depressed my house is filthy and I feel so disgusting constantly. I fight with my girlfriend all the time and don't do anything right. I have no hobbies an di have no energy to even get water. We just moved into a new really nice apartment she can afford completely but I have so much left to do with all this fucking garbage that represents all the dreams and hopes i had as a child in boxes I can never use but can't bring myself to throw away. There is no way to fix my life. I have no idea where to even start aND I have no resources .  But I cannot scar my girlfriend by making her see my dead body in our home. 

She is applying for her works insurance soon and as soon as she finds a therapist who I know can help her get through this I am going into the woods and lighting myself on fire. I don't want her to have to identify my body in anyway she can see it. As soon as she gets a therapist, I'm going to do it. I have no other choice anymore . I've been alive for as long as I could of been I think.",3.785590954439641,4.021067053608249,5.109551047555701,86.29536747588959,71.24742268041238,8.319920186232125,27.39773860991021,8.259297600419973,1.579180246092451,1791,57,398,25,31,600,203,485,0.17600000000000002,0.757,0.067,-0.9951,6,0,0,0,2,1,30.0,2,0,0,3,27,11,4,2,13,0,57,17,4,8,6,66,99,44,2,9,10,2,2,0,4,2,10,0,1,2,11,25,3,0,8,2,6,8,26,9,0,0,7,5,67,2,64,88,6,54,0,2,2,2,30,18,1,3,25,283,78,6,0.0,0.08756438059411445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051476736329124,0.0,0.05653650328918225,0.0,0.14658619624387878,0.051675528210606725,0.0,0.06081685156570485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887083911417056,0.0,0.0,0.1351539253454423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24627268472398925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748713743574029,0.0798641747617091,0.0,0.05900648230995294,0.0,0.0,0.04766208879761519,0.0,0.063653570806154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470060483410742,0.07564407035316549,0.0,0.0,0.08661516061325013,0.0,0.0,0.07562243687067283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976260413625,0.0,0.1868024033493434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736817918440216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509418208029944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832323304926095,0.34750700230430004,0.0,0.12600436339807145,0.0,0.059107932253267326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535323140341831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855669836530375,0.0,0.0,0.2476821045983233,0.0,0.07413192864284274,0.0734035364353394,0.07278074057275245,0.08527551303114524,0.0,0.25028650557418985,0.0,0.0,0.14667701052355775,0.0,0.0817640367420186,0.0,0.04061581022326943,0.0,0.0,0.07825386659719845,0.08029711899366297,0.0,0.10440143042047012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540288277971748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973264835830388,0.07492724923536437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445069660464981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854845839648053,0.10865616678038008,0.1643970619961258,0.1139989352049474,0.07137712751076136,0.0,0.06935407618246463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755001568916105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863926910418086,0.0,0.16412371469736242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331587024627769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071632913111489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473449167263928,0.0,0.0,0.07934544250314038,0.0,0.12622754940850694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177841425108742,0.0,0.0,0.1669813980784524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923906508755652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465700028399004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716169221893784,0.0,0.04735482101909172,0.0,0.0,0.08618825536275153,0.0,0.0,0.07061862091908559,0.0,0.0,0.08038653691588353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382949177421535,0.0,0.060978696864341826,0.0871812124522522,0.11732341259474025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760626145535644,0.0,0.0,0.052499416369062316,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BirdRape,2019/04/18,"suicidal im depressed, cant seem to manage a full course load in college, in debt and hate my degree but im locked into it. (business administration emphasis in data analytics) i absolutely hate school. i made bad decisions as a teenager on which college to go to. im gonna be a 5th year college student and thats with summer school. my love life is a complete disaster i cant hold down a girlfriend. the future is looking bleak and ive been thinking about suicide for the last few years but its gotten quite serious the last 8 or so months. honestly i cant really see the point of living, all thats ahead of me is a soul sucking 9-5 even if i do survive college. i fucked up and got fucked by the system. 

so im gonna put all my chips on black and pursue my dream of standup comedy this summer. i have enough money to support myself for a few months so if i can manage to make enough to survive ill keep going but if i fail then im killing myself. im going full balls to the walls guys, theres no turning back.",2.1658228511530417,3.791979995283018,4.19861635220126,85.9381027253669,76.87735849056604,6.7865828092243214,25.457023060796647,7.594959193182576,1.3119802935010485,797,29,166,11,18,273,128,212,0.258,0.6609999999999999,0.081,-0.993,2,0,0,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,0,5,7,13,6,0,13,0,12,5,0,2,2,23,34,17,3,3,7,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,3,3,2,4,4,10,0,0,4,3,17,3,25,27,8,29,1,2,3,3,3,12,3,5,12,100,23,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044010909701826,0.08734658347625544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968360769331004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010209332317204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618415557751666,0.0,0.06909518647746786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934240685127496,0.0,0.0,0.17836009459067595,0.0,0.08366770882724353,0.0,0.0,0.10358224776666372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065652260632313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6779929499454421,0.0,0.0,0.09298388103723004,0.1157375898273468,0.0,0.0,0.17054535417592612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389049276956201,0.0,0.0,0.09237424185363584,0.0,0.08784766553330609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441634203457028,0.09898632802269576,0.06982926886017453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700047282140634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889207786913903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516387350874946,0.0,0.11126765375266977,0.0,0.0,0.06701707463121348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174569581153616,0.08336215601182394,0.09523476293082377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22885692234460514,0.11871236699867364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703109422970191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137877287855358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473329316212182
suicidewatch,livingonsweetnuthing,2019/04/18,"It just became my 25th birthday, I'm so fucking ashamed that I am such a failure I am just one quarter away from my double major, I tried two times to just push through and finish that quarter, I failed horribly those two times and was left bedridden in so much pain. I can't just push thru and waste even more time and money for failed attempts.   


I have so much credit card debt, haven't been able to work for nearly two years, been supported financially by all my younger siblings, and just...am not doing anything that I could have been doing before my fibro manifested. I used to be be able to handle a full class load, an internship AND a job, if not two jobs. I saved enough money for a car, to send back to my siblings, to be a supportive presence to so many people and now I'm just a waste of resources.   


They want me to declare bankruptcy and to go on disability this year. How could this chronic pain take so much away from me? I used to make my family proud, I used to be /something/, I used to do so much...now what? My contributions to the family doesn't bring money, it doesn't take away my debts or my financial burden, it doesn't provide for me or my cat...no wonder the person I thought I would marry left me  


I won't kill myself, no matter how much I visualize it and desire it. I have a duty to my cat to keep going, she was already abandoned at 2 days old, I won't ever have her experience that loss again. She's my baby, the reason why I wake up in the morning, the reason why I keep working on my physical and mental health everyday, the reason why I keep trying to go forward no matter the pain I'm in...she deserves so much more from her caretaker than what I have to offer, but I am trying so hard and it just fucking sucks.   


I wish today could simply not exist, I wish I wouldn't enter my mid-twenties as a burden to my family with still no prospect of gaining financial independence and better health...I wish I could be that person I used to be.",5.770859090909092,5.179922695000002,6.6344090909090925,79.88095454545456,67.05,9.272727272727273,29.931818181818183,8.575989854853784,2.0895250000000005,1538,47,314,20,22,513,185,400,0.103,0.7879999999999999,0.109,0.4647,5,0,1,0,0,1,52.0,0,0,1,9,25,20,4,1,16,0,35,8,1,12,2,61,64,27,1,12,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,16,13,0,5,5,0,6,10,14,14,0,7,6,1,53,6,45,44,12,38,0,4,0,2,9,14,3,4,16,228,69,9,0.14526957631762952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015429491167811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977224176966295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047283233986654,0.055851668616226535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180685491821807,0.0,0.0,0.06423956752302099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319718719932371,0.0,0.0,0.046843429436335716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505115267081226,0.0,0.047974592543894995,0.06570232430974836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105076034242634,0.20542084183658374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429938246288173,0.0,0.0,0.12384007194001324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506650326393865,0.0,0.0,0.15441476651399896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415763903189946,0.19368341124743108,0.08035963135854743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783581972214816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848428511438236,0.07364027471223941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319878257958695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203695605754149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621799168616608,0.0,0.04921921225950547,0.0,0.23186560720295354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035581653658478,0.12684379073178612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240419786024396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591780853933718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580062356498103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648501936828815,0.0,0.0,0.10922464236901802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576639084135299,0.1270617872666949,0.0,0.06884928621169872,0.0,0.0,0.14794275986135966,0.0,0.28381453513461136,0.0,0.0,0.3136656795067104,0.0,0.0,0.04284187995853855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966247960842262,0.0,0.2505792652396048,0.0,0.07876932936561308,0.10575798171153787,0.0,0.0,0.05159766951414076,0.0,0.0,0.09354884429840572
suicidewatch,SarahStormborn02,2019/04/18,"Will Kill Myself Today I made a post yesterday about my suicidal thoughts over insomnia and reaching out for help and my experiences with mental health and insomnia. If anyone is looking to help and needs my background I wrote down the main points here.([https://www.reddit.com/r/insomnia/comments/be6c2j/suicidal\_over\_insomnia\_please\_help/](https://www.reddit.com/r/insomnia/comments/be6c2j/suicidal_over_insomnia_please_help/))

I do not know what to do anymore. I have woken up after sleeping for an hour and cannot get back to sleep. This is torturing me and I cannot do this anymore. I just spent the last hour sobbing my eyes out screaming for someone to kill me. I am going insane over this. My parents want me to go to the hospital, but I know they cannot help and I am too scared they will lock me away and I won't be able to do the only thing I love anymore (dance and working out). I would rather just end it than go through this one more day. I have reached my breaking point, and I can feel my sanity slipping away. I am hitting and biting and clawing at my own skin. If I do not get a decent night sleep tonight I will kill myself tomorrow. Please help, I need something to hold on to but nothing is worth it if I am exhausted all the time.

I will either update this or post another update soon, if I do not I am dead. In case this is the last time I get to do this before I take my own life, I wish you all nothing but the best in your recovery. I have lost my fight and I am not strong enough, but that doesn't mean you will lose yours. All I can hope for is a painless death as possible. Thank you if you try to help.

​

PS posting to suicidewatch thread and insomnia thread. I am desperate.",4.63278905143936,6.549277564417177,4.5386503067484645,84.85508730533272,70.90184049079755,7.592071731949033,27.262387918829642,8.263242389622931,1.7194675790467202,1370,48,265,21,26,421,163,326,0.163,0.706,0.131,-0.9021,1,0,1,0,1,4,64.0,0,6,2,5,7,16,5,1,11,0,36,12,5,1,3,53,62,25,6,12,18,1,2,0,0,7,6,1,0,0,12,18,0,1,5,1,2,4,9,11,0,1,6,5,53,5,35,47,10,41,0,3,2,1,17,15,1,7,18,192,65,1,0.09374172021781113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156911469112133,0.113906450607226,0.0,0.09829636713953027,0.0,0.0,0.2788997919133061,0.06554639037985238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614686386672976,0.07208159651643219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976729950142099,0.0,0.0983761519640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604556544814657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302734009631371,0.0968602557263425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169738999884712,0.0,0.0,0.04739863036566607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692853930095948,0.0,0.15982673963571667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964306503107258,0.0,0.0,0.3141654953567144,0.0,0.0,0.09310667971972304,0.18463342316594705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31113397328901843,0.0,0.1030359957478666,0.15282402703649253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621254926186254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871943552743113,0.10487300672033824,0.10233016118640836,0.0,0.08460556241768727,0.08870068225006475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211221464416192,0.0,0.0,0.09446960569165368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901659548896605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879702541861347,0.0,0.17989541755433006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352181567437658,0.07129480238933908,0.0,0.0,0.10408908671722822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290025868890093,0.17723245121503953,0.10567970459329973,0.2693359660914678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385181531334187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28142825810116706,0.0,0.07942705533717127,0.07216695602975393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025382270214236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048210730276909,0.0,0.0,0.08630478137925074,0.0,0.0,0.06227783354405333,0.0,0.0,0.07442045480118341,0.10932310181990083,0.0,0.08885618983484042,0.0,0.0,0.06364447465977023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055291295348687416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779835195552033,0.0,0.0,0.06824508877706585,0.0,0.0,0.06659142846138635,0.0,0.113906450607226,0.0
suicidewatch,Severe_Swordfish,2019/04/18,"I feel a hundred times better now that I've settled on a plan Legit I now feel like everything's finally going to be okay and I'm so damn keen. It's like a weight's been lifted. Whether I go through with the swan dive or not is an issue for tonight, but right now I'm on top of the damn world. Relief and freedom. =\]",-0.4354285714285737,1.5652668142857171,1.8139285714285731,97.64232142857144,88.0,4.642857142857143,20.17857142857143,5.985473137389443,-0.13300000000000045,247,8,59,2,8,83,52,70,0.092,0.632,0.276,0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,2,0,6,1,3,1,0,0,0,9,9,6,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,6,7,7,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,8,31,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27677007151732336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812503669996399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31646381627801856,0.2235644569430621,0.0,0.34281056318590675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557021203509297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266281409794992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30577343347496755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672491199538584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824778782760828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38107671304389307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Thetastycookie777,2019/04/18,"Not a good place at the moment I have some issues. If i am here then i dont really have anywhere else to turn.
I have been writing and rewriting my will over and over because it cant seem to be perfect. I keep logs of all the times i self harm. Its more and more often these days. I have reached out for help almost everywhere i could but i am running out of tears left to shed and i want to quit so bad and the only reason i havent yet is kinda stupid to be honest. I have a community on twitch that i moderate for, i love everyone there to death and back. They are the reason i am still here. Not my mother. Not my pets. Not my brother. Not my friends from school. I get constantly harrased in public and in school because of my looks and aparent overly gayness (yeah i am bisexual so what?)  i dont like being made fun of. My family doesnt take me seriously because i am “too young” to have depression or suicidal thoughts.  I hate everything about who i am, who i was and who i used to want to be. Now all i want is to be dead. Suicide feels like one of my only ways out nowadays. 

-Brooke (aka Cookie)",0.1450993788819872,2.403844100000004,2.235310559006212,93.66706521739133,88.43478260869566,5.372670807453416,20.388198757763973,6.868970318607317,0.3856459627329194,853,28,190,12,28,285,132,230,0.23,0.67,0.1,-0.9917,1,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,2,12,14,2,0,6,1,29,3,0,4,3,40,44,15,4,5,8,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,8,12,0,1,5,0,0,1,10,6,0,1,4,2,34,8,29,33,5,24,0,1,1,2,12,12,0,7,12,141,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394156319473094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285337145900107,0.11168421695105532,0.2446170105067947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445473050587967,0.0,0.10679667102742793,0.0,0.0,0.0862642919647556,0.0,0.11520750254856772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135320206146512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117395205027425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781364574641155,0.12021508280609675,0.0,0.12609725411558248,0.0,0.06763319864226898,0.09555834536544684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334283305955368,0.0,0.06988420697741239,0.0,0.0,0.11219174683731524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320605489306926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896566723134634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396109432088393,0.0,0.11889225118388475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533089697790694,0.0,0.0,0.13069699789989891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232491696406888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072384296954815,0.12656717749103905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906394033852656,0.2034613867514744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397509860390225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227048485217772,0.0,0.0,0.08569023772489268,0.27505561807466444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27074501701484976,0.0,0.12177030286868433,0.13954110699226044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682110400717648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926239945359046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057105716259046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619069293323674,0.07799667421329345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549273574628466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552590440913252,0.0,0.0,0.2366857733645563,0.10617265602174533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chubby_shot_sugarbot,2019/04/18,"They told me to come here And I hope that was good advice. I was going to ""take a bath,"" but now I am tempted to circumvent it with sh I havent done since 2017.",0.4008333333333312,1.4964218611111129,2.5288888888888903,98.305,80.3888888888889,5.911111111111111,17.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,-0.5172111111111115,121,2,32,1,3,41,30,36,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,10,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,6,2,4,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714762292475652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274638443180887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890233920382999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21604687084217347,0.3188501092458287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775727425923554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314462356747408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858239885484595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632477081263905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lasersaurous,2019/04/18,"Boyfriend literally ran out on me 3 days ago, today got my health results back that my condition is incurable. Kinda ready to call it - no reason to stick around anymore. I'm a disabled to the point where I can't work. I stood for an hour at a bar the other day and afterwards almost collapsed, felt like I was going to faint and throw up, etc. I've had every test done in the world and have spent this entire year suffering with no answers and no help. The extremely expensive clinic I've been seeing for the past few months was my last shot (literally only place with tests I haven't done yet) and I just got back my results. There's nothing they can do. They specialize in finding hard to find/diagnose conditions and did over 50 specialized tests around everything involving my condition. Nothing. This is just how my life is. Barely able to leave my bed with no clinical explanation why. 


Only thing that got me through the past year is my long distance boyfriend. I would think, well even though everything is awful, I'll see him in X days. Gave me something to look forward to. We'd talk every day, and most of the time, this was the only reason I was able to get out of bed. He was a good dude with a good heart and believed in me in a way no one else has. He wanted me to move to his city so we could be closer and see each other more. I was going to. He made me want to fight. He made me want to get better, because I had someone to get better for. I wanted him to see me better.

Everything was going fine and then he was visiting and literally ran out on me. I had a small breakdown due to my illness, felt better after an hour but it freaked him out. Said he couldn't do this, the seriousness of my conditions were too much, apologized, literally booked the next flight and flew off while I begged him to stay. He physically pushed me off him so he could leave. 

Needed these results to be better. Needed them to tell me they could help me, because I've spent 7 years and thousands of dollars and probably 30+ doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me. This was literally my last shot. 

I don't want to live a life where I can't work or even get out of bed due to pain, and I can't bear to even try after my boyfriend left me. I'm not currently at risk but I just see no reason to live. I don't want to. It hurts physically and emotionally and it's cruel that I have to keep living. What do you do when several medical professionals tell you it's not going to get better?",2.967591463414635,4.576716878968256,4.281924119241194,86.25792682926833,74.65476190476191,7.615485869144408,24.395857530003877,8.331364938255728,1.4018445218737905,1953,61,409,34,41,644,228,504,0.085,0.828,0.087,-0.6687,1,0,1,0,1,0,52.0,2,2,4,8,22,22,2,1,19,1,44,12,1,9,0,72,86,27,0,13,8,0,3,1,0,1,10,1,3,0,19,32,1,1,9,2,4,12,15,9,1,2,32,10,58,13,65,46,6,74,0,2,6,0,34,30,0,4,33,261,77,8,0.13297226067050175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893594299864656,0.0,0.06657625562912473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593637593641119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837350375312647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224746056780606,0.0,0.08105865590083595,0.0,0.0,0.07490710130920239,0.0,0.3528094760607409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678897726672983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592512951411026,0.0,0.0,0.1715122152236296,0.0,0.0,0.06748202276823075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805137165669424,0.0,0.136076789648741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554063058119554,0.07478794783866444,0.0,0.0,0.07414961013864647,0.13174038612241226,0.0,0.11203486466147404,0.0,0.17926034068467414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767422307876838,0.0,0.12153423725722165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368129493168022,0.0,0.15114240017199165,0.11153082342424052,0.1595250961580814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059558513573502565,0.0,0.0,0.0706716475147533,0.0,0.07878638456550884,0.08912850339247977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095089153828332,0.0,0.07117477762274094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059095927495131685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839014001767376,0.0,0.1407984243713156,0.07223737514504196,0.0,0.0939222401685132,0.0324817649376409,0.0,0.17612541350520222,0.058838133150188286,0.05583160452180118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582156818118573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697778161709925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306859491891423,0.07066423462464555,0.04887495578861308,0.09859724640178004,0.0,0.0,0.07070875388024284,0.0,0.0,0.12759047039504867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04505272258974339,0.1516970942992015,0.07074593029743619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693706893491055,0.0,0.0,0.06946385534883925,0.0,0.06285088338329971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168329359159033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507644570202532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324353511947324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26490418944441163,0.0,0.0,0.07511040275423025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633348247741021,0.05118427135051539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086536867625015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343903311361865,0.11622361681565414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04417043071522666,0.042601627726549116,0.06532228548586227,0.0,0.0387685972657818,0.0,0.06302107753864877,0.0,0.0,0.09027943646683936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352914536078173,0.05277359558548824,0.0,0.0,0.059779015834651526,0.0,0.05999339137152152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968053894601064,0.0,0.0,0.04722983940989225,0.07269214635400209,0.0,0.1284446643074794
suicidewatch,shoopboopdooploop,2019/04/18,"I have no one I can vent this to without getting reported     I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to continue living. Everyday seems to get worse and worse from the previous and people keep telling me life gets better but it doesn’t seem like it does. I work and try so hard everyday to be as close to perfect as possible but I always fail miserably. I hate how I look, I hate my body, I hate how shallow I am for caring about these things. I feel like I’m a toxic influence in everyone’s lives but I feel arrogant that I think I’m significant in anyway. People in my life keep lying to me and telling everyone my secrets and I don’t think humanity will change from that.

   I really don’t want to be alive.",1.7308163265306111,3.740793204081637,3.8369727891156487,86.25505102040819,79.54421768707482,8.009523809523811,24.105442176870746,8.841846274778883,1.8409401360544213,559,20,119,14,14,191,86,147,0.241,0.611,0.14800000000000002,-0.9564,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,3,1,2,0,11,3,1,4,1,26,31,14,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,2,8,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,0,4,20,5,17,27,1,7,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,2,5,73,27,3,0.1366321041359577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136888560107718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083999281808484,0.0,0.15176746619203416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930553621900296,0.0,0.14453864940536204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956767507687822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26111566148419235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381705943730477,0.09761000249511348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21415390538671306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239552802553623,0.4046877474071052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288978404402034,0.0,0.0,0.07508943119490433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301459168518925,0.13350308905333902,0.0,0.2412973023364793,0.0,0.11473655579945492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044031763132258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258544982917306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944699484314165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403216806240652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753002457447405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876947212484665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388449626371864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077229880550214,0.17509667073552052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927642299414494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058915503513951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170847265905694,0.0,0.0994697990914836,0.0,0.2784795738435191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwsomewaves,2019/04/18,"A Mom Thinking of Doing Herself In I live under the poverty line barely making enough for rent, diapers and electric. Thanks to Food Stamps we're not dying.

I think this baby will be raised better by someone like my mother or a person adopting my child through an orphanage since my husband gives me the whole ""If you do ___ or ___ I'm gonna kill myself"" rodeo. 
Being awfully poor, never had done anything with my life and experienced what it has to offer besides give birth and marry under pressure has all I've been handed. I never drove a car. I never had a vacation with family, I never have done anything everyone does like buy coffee at the store etc.

This child will be raised better with someone else. I hate myself. I want to die and I have no help around me. I'm alone
 My mom lives 100+ miles away. Someone will care for an innocent baby. I'll be a disadvantage for him.

Sure he'll think what happened? Thankfully he won't know. He won't experience this pain. I'm worthless to the world and only another body consuming and disposing on this earth and not making history or experience like all of you.
No one will remember me besides kids from what.. Public school when they look up my name? They won't even do that much lol

I have no social media. No friends. I married as a last chance of having some social interaction but i got an innocent life involved. He's so young no one will care if I walk in a street. No one replying or reading will visit me, someone who's dealing with all of this on top of being mentally stricken down by my ""husband"".

I guess this is my little mark on history? To say something on a website millions of people see in case I'm seen? 
I'll be forgotten as everyone is in the end.
I want to die. Let me die God, please. I'm so poor and so alone and no one will care
I'm on a govt phone outside connected to wifi because i can't afford it myself because I want one person to read this and know i was a human like them. I breathe i eat i shit like them and have been dealt horrible cards all my life. I tried for 22 years. I'm all alone. No one cares. My child's so young he won't care.

I hate my life. Someone hire someone to kill me because i keep trying and i cant.

Im venting. I'm crying. I'm having suicidal ideations. I'm not gonna do it. I want to and i cant. I want to know my kid will be ok. I cant otherwise. I hate my life and hes gonna suffer because i cant do anything. I hate choosing between bills and diapers. I hate it all. Please help me..",0.2481416455884542,2.577101789168278,2.5530058027079328,90.92548251748256,89.13539651837525,5.425252194613897,21.300074393691414,6.9449145213752805,0.6843801755691126,1943,69,409,29,65,659,232,517,0.207,0.662,0.132,-0.9952,2,4,1,0,0,6,59.0,0,2,4,3,7,29,8,1,18,3,48,12,4,2,11,60,97,29,7,7,10,5,1,5,1,16,6,1,1,8,16,20,2,1,8,2,6,4,24,12,0,7,10,6,64,17,48,63,11,36,0,2,3,0,44,21,1,8,16,254,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971504078591464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402531817895415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073819889955606,0.054355143560049626,0.0,0.0,0.057366611470409376,0.0,0.0,0.1488831449126801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080028278435351,0.0,0.06782239530609557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31126681438491105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707005977683414,0.0,0.06294878692834811,0.0,0.0,0.25347695454433805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343283595862301,0.12496839583246075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624782421144422,0.05100666708240155,0.0,0.054079840607669134,0.06308990731031791,0.06809653471799662,0.04032866237405181,0.0,0.0,0.11668831310252875,0.0,0.11945415159691715,0.05756066100642202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383236177507196,0.0,0.04717376141856168,0.0,0.0,0.11714604133849488,0.0,0.0,0.04883418010608768,0.0,0.06726298663278123,0.0,0.05399396242105795,0.0,0.0,0.3014138786223677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185265187882305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595381956468035,0.0,0.0,0.05427173347020789,0.1351046989548443,0.0,0.10066871142264552,0.04977094902455255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243660633095904,0.21563765057119705,0.14915086064795358,0.061196807841622874,0.10783181294370273,0.0,0.05127388786766846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815142458181863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153275791019605,0.0,0.0,0.14302230551524214,0.0,0.0,0.04488513314468782,0.0,0.1883687796706132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482495281285696,0.04643785462593554,0.06497070840491775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423303798112622,0.10662811582999154,0.0,0.134048123953588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215034639367675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916754761785228,0.0,0.0,0.04855628908266202,0.0,0.06179461342308446,0.04865583864760537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267582664392522,0.05050834612607258,0.0,0.0,0.12448320846839425,0.3104087752965205,0.047005931717220416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678825272589675,0.0,0.057547054892702114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242920260375376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737175216834154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290963051849053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800698683096396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816980203751911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931976862274821
suicidewatch,ih8mesomuch,2019/04/18,"It’s time 16F. But not for long. I’ve battled depression for 10 years now and I’ve attempted twice before but I think it’s time. For months I’ve been perfecting my plan. It fell into place today. It feels right. I don’t care about the good or bad things In my life. Why deal with anything when you can deal with nothing, and feel nothing. Idk why I’m even posting this bc in reality I don’t give a shit about dying and don’t even think it’s a big deal. I just wanted to say deuces. Idk. If I’m too lazy to do it tonight, then I’ll do it soon. So either way, whatever",-0.2505414746543764,1.770102217741936,1.757834101382489,98.23532258064516,87.30645161290323,5.155760368663595,17.72811059907834,6.5431188927421005,-0.31134377880184383,441,11,108,5,14,146,79,124,0.131,0.748,0.121,-0.3318,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,3,10,7,2,0,3,0,7,2,1,0,1,19,16,10,1,2,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,1,3,7,3,12,15,1,20,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,2,11,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361402839337486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556948227859114,0.0,0.0,0.1381621740033084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554375710507446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5021790733097198,0.1398462728351628,0.0,0.1685110870144531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144834585599891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419504877391505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575701389403315,0.0,0.13618555468165344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468446104480595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368949414121907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959961763606112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115906159277262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963873090085604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550249640754796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866034607589858,0.0,0.12912058328010506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666717013833834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078692763631705,0.2080761577528327,0.0,0.0,0.18935475452511052,0.0,0.15390472584587786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576813577219803,0.12887919530580502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930215354041197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455888526334813
suicidewatch,__nopls__,2019/04/18,"My friend offered to help me commit suicide It’s hard to get out of bed, or even get dressed.  I feel so worthless.   The panic attacks I get from my anxiety don’t help either.  I’m trying to get some help, but the waitlist is months out.   And of course I’ve been distancing myself from most people & being MIA.

Well, today I talked to a friend of mine.   He asked me how I was doing.  For once I was honest instead of the socially acceptable “good & you?”  I apologized for being so “negative.”  And he said it was perfectly fine, and that if I wanted he could help me.   I told him nobody could help me get better.  

But, getting better isn’t what he meant.  He offered to help me end my life.  He said I could pick a way for him to help me.  I laughed, thinking he was joking.  But his expression and tone of voice said otherwise.  You’d think I would’ve been scared.  But it sounded ideal.  

I don’t want to be known as that family member that killed himself.   It seemed like the perfect opportunity.   I told him I didn’t want to be tortured or left all messy.   And he said he’ll just strangle me if I’d prefer it that way.   And if I change my mind he’ll let me go.   

I know this is wrong & I don’t think I’d actually let him.   But honestly my brain isn’t allowing me to process this as a threat rn?  Idek what to think rn.",0.8702747252747258,2.9178980879120893,2.7788003663003664,92.50578296703293,82.77289377289378,5.951282051282053,20.73901098901099,7.1686216300943375,0.4657494505494499,1010,30,226,14,28,337,136,273,0.14800000000000002,0.585,0.267,0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,3,38.0,0,2,0,6,7,25,4,2,7,0,25,2,1,3,4,48,53,21,2,11,12,0,2,1,2,2,1,6,1,0,13,8,0,0,11,1,0,1,7,8,1,0,14,8,41,17,24,27,4,9,0,1,0,0,40,3,0,8,4,137,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.09094726911074864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029382004233177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129579557198175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712703674776273,0.10602555589943832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164851145100023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403917851156373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859054651532012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232317452676871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825452798691199,0.0,0.0,0.06155603798028336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785826324260368,0.0,0.0471234319250531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400824022480774,0.0,0.2921509320493614,0.0,0.052966259622011486,0.07816960088794124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348661101174741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4372780121957548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310917211985364,0.0,0.051218882212382896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125930412620136,0.1906014176726772,0.06582811641717272,0.045531567388382765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410285876059717,0.0,0.07438931691046287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925224458359456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934712923224543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461137845867221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546084748412057,0.0,0.09330690772796074,0.0,0.0,0.08484345991199797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500306552838116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019428857644755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490858153964161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886865598714546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834028706101109,0.17810831826190307,0.0,0.06327495216418587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491081529009047,0.14795159858714454,0.0,0.0,0.08379570177642935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620479582813545,0.10189678321598658,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PM_ME_UR_SMEGMA_PICS,2019/04/18,How do I get the courage to kill myself? I'm trying really hard to get there but nothing seems to be pushing me over the edge. No matter how hard I try to make myself even more miserable I'm just too scared of death to carry it out. I'm a coward.,-0.1833333333333336,1.8178573333333323,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,86.77777777777777,5.0814814814814815,16.407407407407412,6.42735559955562,-0.357237037037037,192,4,44,2,6,66,39,54,0.395,0.557,0.048,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,8,9,3,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,1,8,8,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550428583464124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30929410664003376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5303132169693627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274785986835257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975813661537118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840186429700268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962428473617166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963462392533561,0.0,0.0,0.2694660114926198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019272435319042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,knotmysuicideaccount,2019/04/18,Raise yours hands/upvotes Who wants to die but can't actually do it?,-0.5930952380952377,0.9584792142857168,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,114.0,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.3374095238095247,55,2,12,1,3,18,14,14,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.3506,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.6329117294924329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6731142922559281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38254397424570497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,nolagirl90,2019/04/18,Tonight I feel like ending it all I am so severely depressed. I am 23. I lost my virginity to the man I thought I was going to marry. And end up with herpes. I went to a huge party college. Didn’t have any hook ups. Waited for the right one and then he cheats and gives me a life long std. how unfair is life. Then I get to hear of my  close friends who hook up with a new guy every weekend brag about their clean std results. I don’t know how much more of life I can take.,-0.5847411003236225,1.4172416504854368,1.5050728155339819,99.55980987055015,88.80582524271843,4.210032362459548,17.321197411003233,5.46131890053228,-0.7563715210355983,362,9,89,2,12,120,74,103,0.146,0.7290000000000001,0.124,-0.5179,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,5,0,8,6,0,3,1,14,19,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,1,1,2,2,6,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,2,14,2,13,14,3,16,0,2,0,3,8,6,0,0,9,54,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124429643754893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889319271381807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36792416113779935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749976627053453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502023367326073,0.14838215493533402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046983869232834,0.0,0.108515579540423,0.19924642207602725,0.11804167767638613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565736408575447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340949411034168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141474370326564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401176157583709,0.1014725721641588,0.0,0.0,0.18380949198878385,0.0,0.0,0.22673097000295614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268466746808215,0.0,0.0,0.2005996217561279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407440652611161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737613959550155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464383103534675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616584955337512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648919703585361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254158136985547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OakOenDon,2019/04/18,"My depression and anxiety and thoughts have gotten better since the past almost five years, and to be honest I fucking hate it. Four or five years ago I started to show signs of anxiety and depression, along with all the other crazy shit mixed into me. And it was a literal train wreck. I was a child back then. I still am, but far more mature of one. 

My anxiety and just anger (mostly at myself) was so bad, I would have actual meltdowns in the car, especially right before school. Not because I didn't want to go to school... I just couldn't get out of the car. I couldn't explain it. I just couldn't do it. Almost every day it took me an hour to get out of the car. Some days I wouldn't get out of the car, my parents just drove me home. They got tired of dealing with me after an hour or two. I don't blame them. I was a persistent little shit. 

I was very self destructive. I would pull my hair out, when I was real upset, I didn't even notice I was doing it, but I'd try to break my thumbs (which thankfully never worked), bang my head on stuff, and cut myself. The cutting was more of taking a sharp plastic part of a pencil and dragging across my skin, but it drew blood, so I guess it counts. 

I have been to three therapists in the last four years. All three of them believed I was getting better, and I eventually stopped seeing them, which, with my current therapist you could say that I am. The other two couldn't have been more wrong.

I was prescribed Zoloft about a year ago. Coming up to a year and a half soon. With Zoloft, I don't have the crazy meltdowns anymore. I'm not as self destructive. My anxiety (albiet still incredibly bad) is not as bad as it used to be. My depression hasn't been as... Severe I guess you could say.

But, I'm not happy. I've never been happy. Not for the last five years, at least. Sure, I had/have happy days, but I'm never truly happy. 

Zoloft took away my ability to feel. Specifically feel anger, frustration, fear, sadness, hatred, etc... I would have meltdowns for hours, I would hurt myself, I would want to die. But when I felt that way, I didn't feel that way over nothing. Those feelings were justified considering the situations. They just often got too extreme.

Now, however, I still feel sad or mad at said situations, but other than those small feelings, I can't feel anything else. I feel numb. I feel dead inside. Before the medicine I was so fucking angry whenever something pissed me off, and then my thoughts would turn to me wanting to die. Now, I just feel numb, but still want to die.

I miss those old feelings. I miss the anger and hatred and sadness I felt. I miss listening to emo music and actually having emotions when hearing it. I miss the thoughts I used to have. I remember being ten and eleven, telling myself ""I'm a dumb bitch"" ""I'm a child of the devil"" ""I'd be better off dead""... I never really believed them, but they still hurt me. A lot. Yet, in an odd sort of way, they were comforting. It made me feel angry, but in a good sort of way. Got me pumped up and ready to kick ass if anyone ever ticked me off enough. The way I miss all these things are like nostalgia. I want them back so badly, but it's never coming back. And I know it's not.

Even if I stop taking my medicine for a while, I get nothing. When I stop taking my medicine, my thoughts get slightly more aggressive and what not, but even then most of it is still numbness. 

And let's not forget the fact that I still want to die. All the medicine seemed to do was make everyone else's lives better. Because I know sure as hell it was painful dealing with a ten year old having violent meltdowns everyday. Without the medicine, I'd probably still be having them. 

But that's them, what about _me?_ The medicine was meant to help me, make me feel better. But honestly, it didn't. It didn't make things better. Maybe not necessarily worse either, just changed them up a bit. But still not better. I wish things could go back to the way they were so, so, badly.",2.2050461796809406,4.30178201007557,3.2516463476070534,90.60590612930314,78.39546599496221,6.30015785054576,21.92167926112511,7.352928074152639,0.6915894072208224,3092,90,649,41,75,990,293,794,0.28600000000000003,0.62,0.094,-0.9996,3,0,1,0,0,6,142.0,0,2,13,9,42,65,20,2,40,0,68,18,8,6,13,153,147,58,6,23,39,1,18,1,0,7,8,5,1,4,37,32,0,3,25,1,0,12,30,46,0,14,42,24,101,19,75,85,18,103,2,13,1,3,30,26,9,17,59,450,138,4,0.0,0.0,0.08556815690475357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772768500232471,0.0,0.08780411346423507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341579550832618,0.0,0.04348010397575151,0.030655783384417906,0.0,0.03607874543869427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041191590194742764,0.13484909213185164,0.1830338063749072,0.05345211556822545,0.0,0.07461369086854222,0.09879125163285528,0.0,0.2714266781025852,0.047864792284961315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637968482195625,0.07553308015249713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501430769695266,0.0,0.0,0.08482459998514415,0.09039964425112283,0.11328476819774265,0.0,0.1820068950871799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324977626547502,0.049317053022359336,0.0,0.0453011523731258,0.04889611709474345,0.08687292264792171,0.03965816511678933,0.036939303193490584,0.04189350783176818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493351430540052,0.2881859363762865,0.0,0.08419159251096517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106360225075887,0.13743577480610275,0.0,0.04983354924571946,0.03677311446161278,0.10519485897108376,0.0,0.09659519046479297,0.0,0.0,0.18668516186003734,0.0,0.0432855162575699,0.044995182717427744,0.0,0.0494138257151551,0.0,0.029386787942709214,0.0,0.04397772843428144,0.0,0.12952846510611132,0.0,0.09386887548907062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818952116416325,0.07147518332611638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0448320553578793,0.0,0.021419292412530728,0.04394182897030297,0.038713841857508834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037273432668431916,0.0,0.04148495264727636,0.0877958795903836,0.0,0.04404581051327973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907067932882036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413636388572357,0.04991512011437905,0.092010921406979,0.0,0.029708897930360693,0.0,0.046651645036729285,0.0,0.048682047578718635,0.04747729136017405,0.041852747267985865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726976595881607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499025065868051,0.028086708772522884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966514847612272,0.03744136292175178,0.0417043770412969,0.06973083157620928,0.0,0.08874215600756595,0.03493689647657665,0.03991267995772068,0.09147484096075856,0.049529687900409285,0.09000765079405113,0.0362670731582703,0.09856189677327283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033752195334328806,0.0,0.0,0.03103203623163768,0.0,0.31511499872098536,0.10996319505409803,0.0,0.0,0.050189317339086936,0.0,0.0,0.082642312010263,0.0,0.09889259506569892,0.0,0.038320387432697535,0.040364399437853735,0.0,0.10180933555814574,0.08738127746074216,0.0,0.0,0.13922459061643172,0.0,0.05039064890092946,0.0,0.0,0.09742154099203462,0.02976626504492778,0.047688187195172635,0.08565574974067712,0.0,0.0,0.07573190409948034,0.0,0.036174757895433576,0.15515709988883622,0.2088014141490756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041685602509475,0.04226272678926588,0.0,0.031917953780154634,0.0,0.04467938131894556,0.1868672609741796,0.04793502883356355,0.0,0.19763249526199603
suicidewatch,aguy19996,2019/04/18,Hey is there a place to talk about this stuff? I'm really sorry I don't want to be selfish and take away any needed attention.,0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,85.2962962962963,6.562962962962962,16.407407407407412,7.793537801064563,0.3594296296296293,100,2,22,2,3,34,25,27,0.236,0.764,0.0,-0.6344,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479867382733853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342617580845024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703966939756399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810004340402981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336156523223684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40821595912066205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174576026243303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741849450717952,0.29310631707289464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21509062878902685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,d3rpy_DANG,2019/04/18,"Wanting to pull the plug from living with pain Hello,
I am so tired of living with pain and just want to end my suffering. I had been through different therapists, medications, and even got psychiatric hospitalized two months ago for attempting to hang myself.

Every evening and night, I get very bad headaches and loss of energy which is bad. My mind is occupied with the past on how much I ruined myself with past mistakes I had and constantly think about hypothetical scenarios on what I would had done instead because I believe that I will go back to my past when I'm not in such as sad state as I am right now if I end myself like if life is a video game, or a simulation, or one of many universes.

I tried working out at the gym which helps until I finished my workout and step out of the gym back to square one. I tried distancing myself from social media and contacting IRL friends for help but they can't be available when I need them.
I tried listening to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, play video games, even calling the crisis hotline 3 TIMES, but at the end I'm still depressed so bad like this.

I don't know what to do now. My brain is already exhausted from typing this on Reddit mobile but I feel like I'm in a dire situation where I have very constraining options.",7.499227667493797,6.855217092741937,7.313709677419357,76.60498759305213,63.556451612903224,10.856575682382138,34.802729528535984,10.214889679676881,3.3172421836228283,1021,39,197,20,13,325,149,248,0.16699999999999998,0.757,0.076,-0.9771,1,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,3,18,17,0,0,9,0,18,7,1,1,0,34,31,22,0,7,9,0,1,3,1,2,6,1,0,0,7,13,0,1,3,9,0,4,3,12,0,3,6,4,29,5,34,22,1,36,0,5,2,0,12,11,0,5,23,133,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013853855542937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246620294132725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372948919302306,0.2829684873708376,0.06886370970057737,0.0,0.0,0.12727526312252738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610866981687968,0.11535206313606802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207732773301895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729841756789097,0.0,0.0,0.11802659978170282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560458824806134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30016602186453506,0.0,0.0,0.22384115810837688,0.0,0.0951796734185874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057119571706481825,0.08070373529314541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727811905685919,0.0,0.05902065925804347,0.0,0.06420181936908471,0.0,0.09035012806221077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143896269820462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208377649380543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979201985911162,0.16557009042670495,0.0,0.19950407864899075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453093190195544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380249174896626,0.0,0.0,0.11406459099391675,0.0,0.09016927986529702,0.0,0.08304383362026345,0.08376369035522649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060119923984589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530988924087865,0.0,0.2404099674418452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323519704400343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647330585995266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697977946765604,0.0,0.11515575568465658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021569040932728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311635368245832,0.0,0.072384771050784,0.0,0.0,0.06587203791968778,0.1298390898338966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300917836235684,0.0,0.11035246447445936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641941481400634,0.13326187212790513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224141102694188,0.0,0.0,0.08024860304386483,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throw_way-account,2019/04/18,"Should i end it all This is a throw away account so yeah.I came here just to ask opinions of other people since i am not good at talking to people in real life.Should i kill myself because since i was a child my life was shit.My dad and my mom were divorced before i remembered anything and the hated each other. I used to stay with my dad but now i stay with my mom. I have no friends because i have bad memories since i used to be isolated and bullied as a kid so that kinda affected my self esteem and my will to talk to new people. I also feel like a burden to my parents cause my mum is low on money i just feel i am at fault for causing her situation. My mum works morning til night and she is always tired. I cant talk to my brother cause he also has his problems so i dont want to burden him with mine . I have nothing going for me because i have no friends , my family is in shambles , i have depression and anxiety and im bad at everything. It does not help that i always feel inferior to my brother. I dont hate him but he has always been the person i want to be so i feel jellous of him. My mum always has to devide what little of her time to us . This makes me feel terrible cause she is not in a good financial spot and she gets little rest. I feel i should just kill myself because i dont have much going for me and it will help my mum with her financial issues and my brother will get more attention from her. I just always feel like everything is my fault somehow and something believe it. I have always felt outcast so i think no one will feel that sad if im gone. So what should i do. Kill myself or not.",1.0886328400281862,2.965915255813957,3.2940591966173365,90.01253347427765,81.03488372093022,6.030162085976039,22.05214940098661,7.106945922332613,0.6714798449612402,1264,40,274,16,33,432,149,344,0.269,0.6829999999999999,0.048,-0.998,1,0,1,0,1,3,21.0,1,0,0,1,15,23,5,0,7,0,36,2,0,8,1,60,60,25,3,7,12,12,9,2,2,7,2,0,0,4,13,17,0,0,12,0,2,5,11,17,0,1,7,9,64,6,34,44,5,24,0,4,0,0,39,11,0,5,8,197,77,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824225363221387,0.3690899274513732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056555609135501325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083740390537965,0.0,0.06911378989334649,0.0,0.06945888444044343,0.0,0.12345553007867867,0.18026613203315708,0.0,0.06290827456783267,0.08329285296406262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455527019971243,0.0,0.30378247013848203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367508178173135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064695910792806,0.0,0.25993329356410383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547929715638276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288553366303285,0.0,0.06969383755955134,0.0,0.2990464585683425,0.10563002098768096,0.07098359237199818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423497951183913,0.0,0.07724987515743173,0.0,0.08403129672710108,0.12401655269091084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459794903505914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991063223409602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597123697610058,0.07716284121947589,0.0,0.0,0.2453750038096453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443671165593853,0.07223611176185764,0.14819289112754605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934829193681585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316988988121088,0.0,0.0,0.05434644292697911,0.0,0.0,0.0714012485714846,0.0,0.06937751357678608,0.0,0.07093702802864163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009631573925545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208958918818217,0.0,0.0,0.15375952409950974,0.06455209559795835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074022688279788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414757531608348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837473327058093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712424280614677,0.0,0.0758872258354534,0.18346490860760048,0.08309947935779642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056914283334408164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759730733753166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826438815063955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737082402388016,0.0,0.0,0.043108690834963874,0.08497070014391744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892768325136531,0.12770212440042944,0.0,0.0,0.08721067431759792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382131286288934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwawaycrisis23,2019/04/18,"Job is so stressful...but too much student loan debt to quit. I just see no way out.  I worked hard to get the degree and “dream job” and now I am miserable. I’ve trapped myself financially, and I see no way out. It looks like ending my life is the most peaceful option at this point. 

I already drink to fall asleep at night. Maybe if I drink more, I just won’t wake up. 

Sorry that this is vague and dark.  Just needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for reading.",0.32181159420289873,2.7089839347826086,1.380434782608699,98.82072463768117,90.08695652173913,3.936231884057971,17.44927536231884,5.46131890053228,-0.6760681159420283,350,9,78,2,12,109,66,92,0.179,0.711,0.111,-0.5729,3,1,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,2,0,5,5,2,0,0,13,11,6,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,4,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,9,2,10,10,3,12,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,3,4,46,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644165156587905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842784603399908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371884024375503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247329540872883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756998978480403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892706873946464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853710421182028,0.09582245155303226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470537329757878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704561022537145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441829928946931,0.14543282799957252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406094324394906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854125149795177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086154519419876,0.1961897101807772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31259100492802216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955890250205592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805762597152009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113682594513005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278980467074298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justlikeh0ney,2019/04/18,I don't see the point anymore I've spent all day on benzos to numb the pain. My supervisor who made me trust her made things worse. My boyfriend is my only support and right now I'm plastered and he doesn't understand how badly I feel. Family is not supportive. I don't think I can kill myself but I've Drank a lot and taken a bit of benzos (like 6 1 mg kpin over a 16 hour span).  Life has become more and more worthless since 11 and I'm about to turn 24. I have maybe one or 2 friends and my boyfriend who I feel a burden on. Work absolutely sucks. I spend my very few days off sleeping. My apartment is a mess and my overpowering and judgmental mother is visiting ins few days. I haven't seen a purpose in living since 17. Plus I've been a drug addict secretly for 2 years and dealing with bipolar which my family is in denial about. I feel no purpose. I'm not going to do it tonight but I sure as hell am tempted in the future,1.5327607709750597,3.3514426275510227,3.3464625850340157,90.46441043083902,79.35714285714286,6.396371882086169,22.62358276643991,7.3871296695380915,0.7687854875283451,729,23,161,10,18,244,123,196,0.163,0.759,0.078,-0.957,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,15,3,0,10,0,15,8,1,3,2,28,35,15,1,0,5,1,3,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,5,11,1,0,6,0,2,2,7,9,0,1,7,5,21,6,18,28,7,22,1,1,2,0,9,12,2,2,9,93,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864275383409865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443208079564074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150654853123165,0.0,0.16071993993345168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887463146554806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815530250631945,0.15002896157481366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876176012406974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743743484106559,0.0,0.22074407890823192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243156198165899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270470206888855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331192912121066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100086020041285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278797851483296,0.07109572664671975,0.0,0.12850045020794335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371938947102915,0.0,0.2753968521982931,0.0,0.0,0.14619852252231152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861089925624973,0.11067763887525786,0.15484790717039507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756731609573894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427678992832715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596387004504073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24075808573662635,0.0,0.1456292000517159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33027805800562016,0.1371547460806241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667974859206356,0.09324597001938742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582884371624772,0.0,0.15149572474281242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200726265513988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594328110245893,0.0,0.14830149473742574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937127519637122
suicidewatch,MangoFlan259,2019/04/18,"Why are we taught to discard our thoughts of suicide? We're essentially taught that having suicidal thoughts is a bad thing. If we mention our suicidal thoughts to others, we're told to go see a counselor, take medication, or call the suicide hotline (all of which will try to steer us away from such thoughts). Or, we're advised to make some changes to our daily life to make ourselves ""feel better"": exercise, eat better, sleep more, join a club, etc. Despite doing these things, if the suicidal thoughts are still there, doesn't that mean something? Why are people trying to have us essentially discard such thoughts?

Speaking for myself now, maybe despite all the positive changes we're making, we just can't find a place for ourselves in the world. Maybe we are just tired of mental suffering. Maybe we feel fundamentally incompatible with society. I understand that committing suicide negatively impacts others, but maybe, at the very least, society should be taught to stop fearing suicidal ideation. Then at least we don't have to go through this alone.",8.696009828009828,9.550832881081083,7.297739557739557,72.69643734643736,60.729729729729726,10.402948402948404,40.6019656019656,10.230975488527342,4.342945945945947,853,44,139,17,11,256,109,185,0.217,0.759,0.024,-0.9892,0,1,1,0,0,3,31.0,11,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,9,0,15,6,1,3,3,34,36,6,7,3,7,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,10,7,1,1,11,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,10,4,13,2,22,23,7,12,0,1,1,0,16,6,0,5,4,90,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584600610883844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787512985261036,0.0,0.06920724046571347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661375366580282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463696483501182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753670572540294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481416442270988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244099220349042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327099666373433,0.08382038518391828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575727949037779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421326295439204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585455881353766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659832866684977,0.0,0.3330848065800486,0.0902883173778002,0.0,0.08350000191095239,0.08353067036071113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057463457227428176,0.0,0.08659934554908302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605026261180504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829469291049612,0.0,0.0,0.06381051525432471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619372041689188,0.06929730116722341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6346550030131554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623207605063183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013297126542694,0.0,0.0,0.3948184455251345,0.0,0.09526649269825999,0.0,0.07920214652933408,0.0,0.11254975807643464,0.0,0.0,0.08628836205571612,0.19940587691499254,0.0,0.0,0.0683905126064586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958537512647815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,dorb_,2019/04/18,Everything fucking sucks I’m ready to go,2.5874999999999986,5.490152750000004,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,84.0,8.200000000000001,33.0,8.841846274778883,3.67135,34,2,6,1,1,11,8,8,0.265,0.474,0.262,-0.0076,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6378364165098424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6561101416671344,0.0,0.0,0.4033412795331217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LowStrain1,2019/04/18,"I Don't Think I Can Make It To My Own Deadline I made a promise to myself in February that I would wait until the summer was over before I would actually go through with suicide just as a last hope for my life to change for the better. Two months in and I can't even make it through spring. Everything went to shit. I have no energy. I try to hope for better days but my life is full of cold despair. At least, I have enough money to kill myself with a preferred method. Really the only positive thing in my life right now.",3.2005555555555567,4.3292022037037015,4.425000000000002,87.38250000000002,73.25925925925927,7.622222222222224,23.685185185185183,8.07648339933343,1.1137740740740734,410,11,88,6,8,135,72,108,0.131,0.725,0.14400000000000002,-0.1417,1,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,2,0,6,0,9,4,1,3,0,15,18,4,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,1,3,1,15,5,21,13,4,16,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,2,7,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1732482721437648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510689664103987,0.0,0.0,0.31403005641347664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780818820067244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449520409070027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18344081860969602,0.0,0.11726000488385932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955675433223246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100897069820286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35266406056311395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641585818465748,0.0,0.0,0.14471448796299338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761940585769357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798763993728744,0.2370116016764953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170651572834836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502315077369778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373328446143945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161367657179872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223683369908414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19419416315335244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794617597166356,0.11375707683064824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053441779626775,0.0,0.17342561974624754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457645944377214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522311356240519,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Shikuhi,2019/04/19,"So i OD but probably won't die Around 4 hours ago i took a whole pack of pills(30 i think) without really knowing what i expected, let me explain a bit, i've struggled with suicide thoughts since i was like 12-13, it's true that lately i been pretty sad and depressed but nothing really new, i've always put deadlines, first it was 16 then 18 now it is 23( by the time i'm supposed to get my degree) but recently this damn voices wouldn't shut up, i've been very busy with college so my mind is usually distracted but today i was home alone but really didn't have any reports to write or anything to do and while i was searching for something i found 2 old paracetamol's packs, then i heard heard:""c'mom take the full 2 packs, it's the perfect moment"", "" no one is coming home till tomorrow"" and the stupid me without thinking too much took a whole pack, 30g i think but i couldn't take the other pack since i felt so guilty and confused about why i took the first pack, i mean all it took me to OD was being alone and feeling a bit depressed, looking back it's weird i didn't have a chance like this before but before the voices weren't that bad.

I've planned a lot of times ways to suicide before but really never commited and now i try to OD without a plan or nothing, it's kinda funny. Now i'm feeling really sick but i really think 1 pack won't kill me so i'll just have to endure it, anyway if u made it this far thanks for reading my rant i gues, i really don't know why i wrote this",3.0556577302403127,4.097973907348248,4.420266703708851,87.6100333379636,73.50479233226837,7.360411168217808,25.749270732046128,7.7425588080867325,1.280054424225587,1175,38,251,15,23,390,164,313,0.211,0.6709999999999999,0.118,-0.9867,0,2,1,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,5,13,16,3,3,14,0,24,1,0,1,5,54,52,26,7,4,16,0,3,2,0,3,1,3,2,0,17,10,0,0,13,1,0,6,13,11,0,3,20,7,28,5,21,26,8,35,0,3,1,0,4,5,1,6,25,147,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446830304832477,0.0,0.0,0.17401455885341124,0.0,0.0,0.06990164838319678,0.0,0.0,0.05712853540706823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913168580414288,0.07478521172200693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459720920779936,0.07014343453459257,0.0,0.0,0.2144546673293992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343064544454196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236572532426935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471247833435258,0.0,0.08718736843784422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849542571159919,0.0,0.08066115728314964,0.0,0.0,0.14291486074537715,0.0,0.09211078199182313,0.0,0.0,0.043890877609593364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685343804243263,0.0,0.08273126872463152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294275439465713,0.0,0.09233754654340316,0.0,0.09476503919318342,0.0,0.0,0.08590419448540057,0.0,0.08208443920126096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054582710756302,0.0,0.0,0.07142086579630154,0.0,0.07949069950019437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150968361996446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482445072349888,0.0983895239565547,0.0,0.0,0.06175577812038225,0.0,0.0647923919744589,0.08113575473970704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121648915798278,0.0,0.08815259555055031,0.0,0.05692620883392269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546665854646841,0.09057517296029646,0.0,0.0,0.0844515604765515,0.0,0.0,0.08403104948913931,0.0,0.3767251471101459,0.0,0.08294807686155814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898509364044806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467370565913233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782373167390012,0.0,0.1837829244303641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263275968035924,0.0,0.0,0.07734357017353136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531654623498125,0.0,0.0666932188028841,0.09797184886014276,0.0,0.07963006039774141,0.0,0.3733453189973507,0.057036131872862085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252329107846216,0.06931565847037274,0.0,0.06668189069444637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160887642550536,0.18758456861735545,0.0,0.2429430553165819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,chala-la-lala,2019/04/19,I can't do it any more I have nothing left and it's never going to get better. I don't know how I'm going to go yet because I've failed too many times already but I'm ready to go now.,-1.9626666666666672,-0.4034197111111091,1.5555555555555571,99.94000000000004,90.55555555555556,3.6,15.666666666666668,3.1291,-1.2668666666666666,143,3,38,0,5,52,32,45,0.053,0.818,0.129,0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,12,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,12,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31038103221785857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191268680679848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145548969332372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875452150124394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694845919730928,0.0,0.6393936328432475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545749473422142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055933852346488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851568278802418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692758693605566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269879710422869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640068850157018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abortionsurvivor77,2019/04/19,"Soon Maybe not tonight or tomorrow, maybe not even this year. But I will kill myself. I think a trip to San Francisco to the bridge. Most people die when they jump. And I could experience a cross country trip before going. 

When the time is right.",1.8277304964539027,4.567016489361706,2.2777659574468103,92.6841666666667,86.23404255319151,5.686524822695036,18.471631205673766,7.1686216300943375,0.3362226950354605,193,5,39,3,6,59,38,47,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.8714,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,5,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,3,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247807125801166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325158064644384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30224081547589043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234833912056004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848694490237581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655072743795749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32219224394692764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.585140103904466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189556934766065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487006452492605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18660228449808827,0.0,0.0,0.16981296731234607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187536400762366
suicidewatch,maddoxowo,2019/04/19,"i don’t know what to do. i’m young. i shouldn’t be dealing with this or feeling like this. i was cheated on, she lied to me. it’s really fucking with my head. last night i had a dream i self harmed on my arms (haven’t cut on arms for two years, been totally clean for 2 weeks.) which fucked me up more. i’m laying in bed feeling literally sick to my stomach. i don’t want to be here. there’s so much going on in my home life too. we’re totally fucking broke. my mom can’t find a job because she’s sick. we think i have the same thing she has but when she gets mad and starts talking about how i don’t do anything and all i do is sleep, when i try to explain it’s cause i don’t feel good, she says that we don’t if i’m really sick or not and i shouldn’t act like this because she’s the diagnosed one. she’s said herself she thinks i have what she has, or something similar, because i feel a lot of the same she did my age and still does. 
this all fucking sucks. i haven’t ate much since sunday. i didn’t take my last testosterone dose because it was making me sleep to much, and an old friend of mine just won’t get out of my fucking life, and likes to insert himself in everything.
i really don’t wanna fuxking be here. if my mom was asleep i’d probably go ahead and do it. but she’s in the living room. so she’d see what i was doing in the cabinet. if i told her how i felt i’d just get grounded, and yelled at. i’m sorry for feeling like this and taking up your subreddit i just really want to fucking die right now and i don’t know where to go or what to do.",0.6356451612903236,2.127791031791908,2.6432500466157016,95.99126142084656,80.878612716763,5.967406302442662,20.698862576915907,6.828538100315305,0.12940473615513692,1211,33,299,13,31,407,160,346,0.11,0.799,0.091,-0.8431,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,0,1,17,18,10,0,9,0,36,21,7,4,4,56,74,25,1,8,13,2,6,4,1,3,7,3,4,1,16,15,1,0,12,1,0,4,15,12,0,2,12,10,53,6,34,55,11,36,0,1,1,6,28,17,7,8,19,196,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618592391262287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22574503409877597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951057518494493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954465064527681,0.0,0.09396733366455637,0.09608401908158523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810178840764556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320545015765272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405759939910545,0.13227916093153022,0.08889186948063514,0.0,0.08461696727171272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152752171003983,0.5135354922737263,0.145108586162483,0.0,0.15784702093847525,0.07765219290019736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501437827901857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928658641425702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187193414152564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017597244071894,0.15093104852487768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307847945037032,0.18092076785498606,0.0,0.08175034287523236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078708693185153,0.0,0.0,0.06179825195308344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685849835023274,0.0,0.0,0.20417212273864346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688059698978373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714773853977064,0.0,0.06273499285323968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981751718127886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23723794510930954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906330422682004,0.08806532648122399,0.0736237882475171,0.0,0.0,0.0737747309210201,0.0,0.09658172961138098,0.0,0.0,0.07658360740022188,0.0,0.1852948688912476,0.0,0.0,0.07127304883687281,0.0,0.1036363727557255,0.06552900668939858,0.0,0.07393496587770762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921813949987935,0.07441275838078047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150641950049675,0.11864378698258198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846470577884574,0.0,0.06285613250408817,0.0,0.09043776818003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921284228799123,0.0,0.07426255197828065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961885419403379
suicidewatch,imdrawingblanksdude,2019/04/19,"Worst part is know I probably won't do it Read through a lot of posts and realized theres nothing I can say that someone else hasn't already said. So why not. I'm just here to get some thoughts out. May be a long one, I don't really have expectations for a response.

I've been struggling with these feelings for a long time now, over 10 years probably. It's been worsening for the past 6 months. My best friend of 15 years recently moved away and stopped talking to me. Before she left, I asked her not to lose contact to which she responded that she'll 'always be there for me' (a comment that obviously did not age well). I sent a few messages the past month telling her I want to kill myself and I need help. She doesn't answer. Funny that the one person I can talk to is the only one who wouldn't answer.

I just have no life. I only leave the house about once a week at most because I can't make it down the street before I start to panic. I don't even like to stand in front of windows incase someone sees me. I'm a waste of human life. I wish that nobody cared so I could go without guilt. Unfortunately they do. Which means I'm stuck like this, wanting to die but not being able to, for the unforeseeable future. It sucks.

Wish I could die in my sleep. No pain, no guilt.

Now I have to go meditate on this post for 30 min before I work up the courage to post lol.",1.9201052631578928,3.6377885192982484,3.181614035087719,92.55663157894743,77.84210526315789,6.244210526315792,22.277192982456146,7.087006719466742,0.4914308771929825,1068,31,241,12,25,346,167,285,0.156,0.74,0.103,-0.9207,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,3,12,16,2,4,16,1,26,4,1,1,1,36,50,6,3,9,8,0,1,2,1,4,3,2,1,2,15,5,0,1,7,1,0,5,15,9,1,3,7,4,31,7,35,34,7,38,0,1,1,0,23,11,1,4,20,154,46,2,0.09988301141325076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102233868429424,0.0,0.08311066695704111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337713245596396,0.0,0.0938433771704244,0.0,0.0,0.06088775667692355,0.0,0.25497925794381143,0.0,0.10482105818610904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018373869895622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949691411774145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073255927063482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343943932768462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597178701933604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050503851719234265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771693668473549,0.0,0.052184750944157116,0.0,0.11353163438210337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694947710678356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525158462107415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050575322943701,0.0,0.054893090906307035,0.0,0.0,0.10576168711830902,0.10852318415424403,0.0,0.14110064970551847,0.09759558818145712,0.0,0.0,0.17678664393131874,0.0,0.11174354068658522,0.0,0.08491696445325636,0.0,0.0,0.06667268572263954,0.0,0.0,0.10880188113720203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945133354108562,0.1061598339071912,0.0,0.07406198734988333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958404433107288,0.0,0.0,0.10637214732626636,0.2030499405788155,0.15193106216130176,0.1062825664196207,0.11719119289639995,0.0,0.1081635678321442,0.19069927278453666,0.0,0.08721399289870058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869809441581118,0.0,0.2153815599086544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991004117467002,0.0,0.06398761476200865,0.0,0.09862242379430326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501161683346497,0.0794309796863429,0.0,0.0,0.07959382819927885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995514572955036,0.0,0.1692611028756481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069770957333726,0.0,0.0,0.08350667000666649,0.0,0.104419410455972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605643621454876,0.08730215449711852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929595402147914,0.058242587192966815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782717602225196,0.0,0.08012012690533787,0.0,0.08980682272795211,0.0,0.09012888199186077,0.0,0.22972106749662696,0.0962836586687994,0.0,0.07271602190977103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286427691139362
suicidewatch,kclkp,2019/04/19,"My mind. Random post. Some days are good, some are a challenge. My mind never stops. I have a 9 year old and a husband. Some days I wonder, why do I keep going. I try and do my best. I take care of the normal house duties. My kid's dad isn't in the picture. I get angry at him out of nowhere just cause of the expectations I have it him. I get angry and shut down just cause I think way to much. I feel like I'm not happy. I am a happy person, but I just catch myself. I do struggle with depression/anxiety, would it's nothing new. I think of the, call into the void, from time to time. Just how easy it is to give up. I just feel hopeless sometimes. I know this is a rant/ me just vomiting this out. I just need to get it out. I talk to my husband and sometimes it's tough too, just to get my feelings out. I just want to be hugged and told it's going to be okay. I don't have really any friends, just a few, and I just don't even want to vent to them like I have this huge issue / problem. I feel like I'm being selfish 😔",-0.5191666666666671,1.2960395777777798,1.9115833333333363,98.055375,86.55555555555556,4.638888888888888,17.375,5.7366,-0.6303000000000001,775,18,192,5,24,264,112,225,0.111,0.72,0.16899999999999998,0.8671,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,1,2,14,17,0,1,11,1,19,2,0,3,1,53,43,8,0,7,13,3,4,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,9,12,0,3,8,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,4,34,12,25,38,6,25,0,1,0,1,13,11,0,5,12,127,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522764884893554,0.0,0.09587592700805188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315244840766778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127974367748673,0.0,0.12778071520455367,0.2574936984901119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165297394633182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277826422939615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534793354008552,0.1790693502709829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968284554340368,0.0,0.2619157853725905,0.12022647656155602,0.14245410127396507,0.10511956404798248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26682894712983607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461221312412925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308103483558526,0.0,0.11139769159005876,0.0,0.0,0.06887724266251471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368746136299435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25309203005304914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213083679693833,0.09292946326292402,0.09666103273844036,0.1210430052998269,0.0,0.0,0.12279527867526102,0.12025603517322785,0.0,0.13151113371226014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943197501309664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200300183741627,0.0,0.0,0.11992240792418153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028861914299665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479060983698933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047802023720048,0.0,0.13102051558598532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423140277962024,0.10073426684355254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061083014925415,0.0,0.0,0.14616006295691136,0.0,0.0,0.1197567120487806,0.0,0.0850897959194038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784394285567595,0.09947989606584998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308943936952345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591336608920931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902974041425453,0.0,0.0,0.08070741762530617
suicidewatch,An_Insane_Moose,2019/04/19,"I feel like I'm just waiting to die I feel that no matter what I do, I will just end up killing myself. Like all I'm doing right now is delaying the inevitable. Every day, I hope something will kill me, and if nothing does, then eventually I'll kill myself",3.05745283018868,4.265251301886797,4.4944811320754745,86.43908018867926,73.71698113207545,6.809433962264151,26.45754716981132,7.1686216300943375,1.1922867924528306,201,7,42,2,4,67,39,53,0.307,0.555,0.139,-0.9313,0,0,1,0,0,3,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,11,3,4,2,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,8,3,2,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248627689865373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292980295992969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334371478842424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568486475899344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614919908350255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22342506846798746,0.1578376469290577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944058436627964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7333031434508525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158776036809789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199529223774727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886792418354832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008832288700065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Yeobad,2019/04/19,"My life is so fucking empty Usually I find places like this very comforting especially when I can relate to a person. but usually most people talk about their problems with friends, family, work, school, etc... but I literally have nothing so just kinda bums me out ig lol. I'm not AT ALL to trying to downplay anyone elses problems or deppression, just saying it really sucks when you hear other people talk about they're specific problems and you just sit there like ""I don't even have anything similar"" my life is just a lonely fucking mess",4.614055555555551,7.113692650000001,5.381333333333334,76.27122222222225,72.5,8.444444444444445,28.11111111111111,9.150863307647796,2.8009777777777787,435,17,71,10,9,141,74,100,0.195,0.679,0.126,-0.8449,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,1,12,12,3,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,1,18,11,8,0,3,8,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,2,10,4,8,11,3,8,0,1,0,2,9,3,3,3,6,47,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112447068004014,0.16477614175299965,0.13233878550650513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434206638459847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935359651841595,0.10621818965556763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160406637770912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469839322920752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424690634786008,0.2973456682100218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125257967978847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271797725678072,0.15713424121687553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543083618648826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229806815451351,0.14041930432501934,0.16801966000298574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616407889470908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302356366982096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788822686247167,0.0,0.16275550890794935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585174154111657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918426672579566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542346705410378,0.13269096437979674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707677713727338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,min-is-trying,2019/04/19,It hurts I'm just a burden on people. No one wants me. My country has one of the highest suicide rates anyway so I was sorta ment to kill myself. It doesn't matter. I don't care if it's selfish. They're better off without me anyway. I'm doing them a favor they just don't know it. Every day hurts to be alive. Every morning I wake up wishing I had died that night. Everything feels numb except for my sadness and the razor. Please just let it end.,-0.277381342062192,2.000400361702127,2.0427659574468082,93.29576923076924,93.25531914893615,3.3178396072013085,16.805237315875615,4.713530739802397,-0.6882494271685761,350,9,71,1,13,118,69,94,0.298,0.5720000000000001,0.13,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,10,1,0,4,0,9,2,1,0,0,13,16,3,3,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,2,1,11,3,9,12,0,6,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830000955040064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109643160165689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344348959872154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147457979381749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832658680082384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34867075275435777,0.0,0.1859624624125932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462277999378072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430150090479628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289215320139092,0.0,0.11371544105183436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158529178632976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417633966866213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804228263489993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344927263208765,0.0,0.0,0.22713127031430666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22633215947070096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220442233079193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379428091766984,0.19945932230878988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hsab462,2019/04/19,"Diagnosed With Cancer at 21 The first time I made a plan to kill myself I was 8 years old. But I could never bring myself to actually do it. Ever since then I’ve wished something would come along and do it for me. A car accident. A bad fall. Anything. 

And I guess today my wish can true: I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I’m 21 years old—it’s practically unheard of. Almost like it was meant to happen, like I deserve it. I hope it kills me.",-0.5356231003039511,1.685642063829789,1.9668693009118563,92.92000000000002,96.44680851063828,4.813373860182371,16.288753799392094,6.5431188927421005,-0.12513738601823698,350,9,76,5,14,119,64,94,0.228,0.648,0.124,-0.9298,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,2,0,4,0,8,5,1,1,3,19,18,4,2,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,5,0,12,4,9,11,0,15,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,11,45,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.16479184398906693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690979716169712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389648487175555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099861236199265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546574345827135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348282042962855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342797084722985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275173371078055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436399371139137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602830927966454,0.0,0.14933035304150355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772508068837072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736571921719992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500178670581514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978798870597186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024223037592494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543993456039217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969023239545178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300036534388468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846890754263264,0.0,0.16006812459184672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883821726698947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995973592294175,0.0,0.0,0.2174922775312098
suicidewatch,chrysalistice,2019/04/19,"_ I came here to type out my darkest emotions and just let as many people as I can know that I no longer want to be here. I’m distracted by the fact there are so many of you here actively posting like me, all discussing very similar things ending with us all just dying....it’s breaking my heart.",6.703500000000003,5.357258350000002,6.763333333333335,82.19500000000005,65.5,10.0,33.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.4953333333333334,231,8,49,3,3,74,49,60,0.126,0.775,0.099,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,3,11,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,8,5,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975522190239853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926434948293541,0.2304233683245788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30828928444403925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429764049490157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660298731630338,0.0,0.1271003882882657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275201292059287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803612693560078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491600977290852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728378647386698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129388555155469,0.0,0.0,0.21465815425601031,0.15344832796636015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreeleyBaby,2019/04/19,"Can a note be too long? I've written and rewritten a note several times. To the point where I wrote a formal outline and it's more structured like an academic paper (guess I actually learned something), but of course it uses I language a lot.

Anyway I wrote a pretty long note, because I addressed a few people individually but overall I tried to get closure for anyone who knew me and happened to read it. 

I'm worried if it's too long they'll get bored? My ex is really smart and might read it, but honestly probably not. I haven't ever seen my parents read so much as a subtitle, I'm writing my conclusion and just kind of thought, what if they don't even read this far?",2.32319658119658,4.521018903703705,4.105925925925926,84.12128205128204,78.48148148148148,6.820512820512822,28.162393162393165,7.882392219407189,1.9379743589743592,532,24,104,9,13,179,90,135,0.043,0.841,0.116,0.8825,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,8,5,0,0,9,0,7,0,0,1,1,24,20,12,0,2,7,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,1,13,4,7,11,4,8,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,5,6,66,21,8,0.0,0.0,0.1484442332883551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063637321397303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272910157452488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047183331172826,0.13759852092964128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894969153219027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757400774507325,0.0,0.13451654661620305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840643048982156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431667467832466,0.0,0.0,0.4038562321102807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932442007952438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613720812232055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118234860769749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890790894968202,0.0,0.0,0.10545876342171336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437997184761735,0.0,0.0,0.15475765981583942,0.16400783701084082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6086325962416158,0.0,0.09745003515668477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184889359184802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710708608063748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076389369906602,0.0887006366885354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327744694491137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313802335608104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448218123097432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway003020392,2019/04/19,"Please help Hi please help me this is going to be really long but I cant do this anymore. I am 19 about to turn 20 and I live with crazy pentecostal parents who are ruining my life. They are from third world countries and they grew up during a civil war (they also never got therapy) and as a result I think they suffer from a lot of stress and anxiety. Anyway, it all pretty much started years ago when my father first lost his job. He got meaner and started yelling everyday. For the longest time, I wondered what was wrong with me? I suffered from self-harm and other things but no one knows about that. When I was 14, my older brother (also who I used to consider my best friend but at some point molested me when I was younger..we don't talk about it we pretend it never happened but it kills me) got kicked out of the house due to religious differences. My brother moved in with his girlfriend and there was yelling everyday at home. I would get yelled at in the car on my way to school, on my way back, etc. My parents would force me to guilt trip my brother into coming back home (even though he didn't leave willingly and got kicked out..) All of that took a tolll on me. My mother used to chase me around the room with a bible. I also have a sister with down syndrome and she openly humps things in public and she masturbates a lot through her clothes and it's too much to bear. Anyway throughout high school it got worse and there would always be yelling at home and a lot of it was directed at me and my siblings. I grew very depressed but didn't let anyone know. I kept it all inside. They treat my sister very kindly and are not abusive to her whatsoever. It's just me. He also yells at her a lot and it's very distressing to hear. Last week, I got a bobcut and I guess according to our stupid religion you can't do that so he got extremely mad and started yelling at me. I froze up and it made me so anxious to the point I went in my room and bawled all day. We didn't talk for a few days until his birthday but then hr apologized to me and said he loved me but basically said he'll never stop yelling because one day we'll thank him for it. I got very sad by that. I went in my rokm and began hittin my head against the floor and started groaning until i passed out. I have a very strict curfew and I am not allowed to go out on weekends for any reason whatsoever unless it's the library. They force me to go to church but I don't believe in any of it. I am on the verge of killing myself but then I remember that they're old and that my mom needs help taking care of my sister with down syndrome. I opened up to my mom and said I need therapy and she said no and I said if I don't i might end up killing myself and she said we can't have CPS here and that made me sad and I hit my head again and wept quietly all day. I am a smart individual with very strong ambitions but this is killing me. I really want to kill myself. I want to get a knife and slit my throat.",2.2472158808933003,3.833508858064519,3.4483870967741943,91.57565756823824,76.54838709677419,6.575682382133995,23.052109181141443,7.321109707123232,0.7090868486352364,2332,69,517,28,52,756,267,620,0.16699999999999998,0.732,0.101,-0.9951,4,0,0,0,5,3,48.0,5,1,6,4,25,30,9,3,22,0,37,6,3,7,8,103,89,60,6,8,15,12,1,0,2,7,1,15,5,0,30,52,0,2,6,2,0,13,16,21,0,4,30,16,96,9,80,48,15,92,2,8,0,2,61,40,0,9,37,357,126,3,0.0,0.06755180105349058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050539122371242085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237504284762054,0.04743988807288111,0.0,0.0,0.07754241532680146,0.0,0.043615253103355525,0.06440914733877245,0.05654217787340798,0.03986523946532175,0.0,0.0,0.05075419758558312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767988868700667,0.0,0.0347549654878249,0.0,0.0,0.06423481099857427,0.059832262814113836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812917182961212,0.0,0.0,0.04911217387716767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707623891839458,0.0,0.04910573594271053,0.0,0.0,0.059567084316167924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05049713303702615,0.0,0.0635852423819367,0.03765694954394908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048495744768029335,0.0,0.0,0.04404857113932074,0.0,0.05957451274411305,0.0,0.0972064397690762,0.0,0.3647919168195921,0.0,0.06280691559548697,0.0,0.05041694415026991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702481788333025,0.0,0.06425847841923406,0.0,0.1146450564086582,0.06023800578552884,0.17156788849812735,0.0,0.0,0.06578604738513337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565772073460775,0.0,0.3153855429486346,0.05937089793001685,0.06266637445986886,0.04647369899820791,0.0,0.06036917742321868,0.0,0.05830027568216897,0.04027039653345908,0.0,0.0,0.050344059289532034,0.050455247851741165,0.0,0.0,0.06223708668898832,0.19388371849950686,0.05145700604309806,0.10789530645834502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048242696607535,0.0,0.13354729429141826,0.0,0.06059644114029256,0.08382312204783039,0.08454973396254138,0.1319172248868504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059826189553168485,0.0,0.07726779090216483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661372635965704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516763867251815,0.10779257359205044,0.0,0.0,0.058003334816668674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304875278956363,0.0586194833319969,0.0,0.0,0.06458530229854659,0.0,0.3253979759685602,0.0,0.0,0.1154016276651001,0.0,0.0,0.059477626035915214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141809719331265,0.0,0.0,0.04766592813534937,0.06530889389233879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428671368379282,0.09165075492190064,0.0,0.05249046906698358,0.13040005618564868,0.0,0.07575461389185119,0.03653201709075241,0.056015579148619335,0.0,0.03324509258164823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334421489131135,0.0,0.062014432264319914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848290139031762,0.0,0.2822531790528989,0.06725620485428839,0.09050949453126356,0.04573287631946081,0.0,0.0,0.10570436928659857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182882447240426,0.0,0.0,0.05810173607723019,0.1215024912844173,0.06233542882477538,0.0,0.0367148934763397
suicidewatch,call_me_cordelia,2019/04/19,"The Battle Inside I cut myself yesterday 

I talked myself out of the hospital 

Full of threatening and unfriendly females 

And the manipulative little girl inside me 

Put on a happy face 

And explained this was all 

A huge misunderstanding 

About my blood pressure being high 

Due to anxiety

I didn’t like where I was put 

How I was treated 

How they looked at me 

I was having none of it 

They were 

Full of judgment 

Full of disdain 

Full of everything 

Someone with mental illness 

Despises 

Being treated differently 

Locked rooms 

Chairs, curtains, and security

But then again 

I guess there are no 

Softer gentler psych wards 

Treating it like an illness 

And not like a caged animal 

That needs to be tamed

So I smiled and nodded 

Answered all the questions 

Correctly and politely 

While thoughts of violence 

Swirled in my head 

Yet never came out of my mouth

And who would have thought 

Such a well put together 

Person

Could be so dark inside 

And yet 

Come across 

So well spoken 

Joke and laugh with the nurses 

“She doesn’t meet the criteria” 

I heard them say

“Yes, yes I know” 

I respond 

“It’s okay 

It was all a misunderstanding""

No one really knows

The meaning 

Of “periodic suicidal ideation”

So they give me my papers 

And I walked out the doors 

Ubered my way home 

Took my Valium 

And sliced my leg 

Until the pain and the Valium kicked in 

And my brain shut the fuck up 

Until there was peaceful silence 

The warmth of blood 

Dripping down my leg 

And all the medication hit me at once

But the solace was so short-lived 

Not even 24 hours later

They are back 

With a vengeance 

Hurt yourself 

Hang yourself 

Die die die 

You don’t deserve to live 

Your children deserve 

A way better mother than you…

Just don’t die here 

Just don’t traumatize them 

They deserve so much better 

Than you

No one Wants to deal with you 

Talk to you 

Return your calls or messages 

You pay people to listen to you 

You pay people to care about you 

Well, at least some of them

All those broken things 

You left behind 

You broke them 

Broken hearts 

Broken dreams 

A broken little girl

You could be so much stronger 

But you are not 

Everyone criticizes you 

Everyone talks about you

They all dislike you

And someday 

Someday 

I am going to win 

And you are going to die.",1.9123259908447137,4.744284403341292,2.662599475722839,88.20726749872844,90.40811455847256,5.420572009859541,21.188661528228806,6.9995283661766585,0.9030425368754652,1771,60,323,28,61,553,221,419,0.201,0.6629999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9863,1,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,18,10,3,27,27,4,1,23,3,28,14,9,3,8,61,49,34,6,5,9,1,0,3,0,1,4,3,4,4,9,26,0,1,8,2,2,10,13,8,3,2,14,4,57,19,45,26,15,51,0,2,1,1,49,24,1,4,18,233,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113879683516952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150528019468687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448813040420374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381007636782222,0.09495545786605587,0.10635833085394787,0.09481176998294877,0.0,0.0,0.08010456688860894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484934480484204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587089967733983,0.0,0.0,0.4825562347074837,0.09715708170234763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061420486926696875,0.0,0.0,0.17771611026760928,0.0835754147651245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596981263861284,0.0,0.08920661481168808,0.10569924782071924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244141878078987,0.0,0.0,0.09899195163983893,0.0,0.0,0.09543685008942966,0.0,0.0,0.1101962331895192,0.0,0.09825139029177886,0.09327878280246492,0.0,0.09157860879077202,0.0,0.09955009911143116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221218871602264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010363234762099,0.0,0.0,0.1362939102948406,0.18640527677954516,0.08211383749553923,0.0,0.07809004747658943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129579354927712,0.0,0.093679882409856,0.09371428979550077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671996893654295,0.06895255580170094,0.07172133594369406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990336836305904,0.12602787529091686,0.0,0.09895028278374206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893819862830852,0.08119722312645009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28044860925780923,0.10417257315914837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957319990147542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395114896569084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787920096307607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171839981598983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423088152424575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177990156572661,0.0,0.0,0.14765087706018099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331778250049024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054849223065332485,0.14762579797153771,0.0,0.0,0.25083353190085594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605900785799583,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,justsomeguy2991,2019/04/19,"This world just isn't meant for some of us. It doesn't matter how hard or how many years we try and fight. This world, our brains will never allow us to be happy. What's the point of spending a lifetime fighting suicidal thoughts all the time? I often doubt that any of this is even real.

I'm just waiting for the time that feels right to pick up my pistol and move on to whatever comes next. Maybe it'll be better. Maybe it'll be worse. Maybe it'll be nothing. I don't care.",0.6837545454545477,2.876439430000005,1.7614545454545478,98.6257272727273,84.7,4.4363636363636365,17.090909090909093,5.565023196281405,-0.7098999999999998,373,8,85,2,11,117,69,100,0.16899999999999998,0.736,0.095,-0.7807,0,0,0,1,3,0,11.0,4,0,0,1,6,6,2,1,4,0,12,1,1,4,2,22,19,5,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,2,2,7,3,10,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,4,5,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561800484657052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036701968304708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897962091020279,0.0,0.0,0.1733445841736705,0.0,0.0,0.1464553698366261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122952220802059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596616070222493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098722022206767,0.1523026470171916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237146923743124,0.5124175094238951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807021253056514,0.0,0.0,0.1311282887955332,0.0,0.1808159696591095,0.0,0.0,0.16313676424574122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607218738733615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351759634824292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519436100902108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597199189599525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497522455006272,0.1982776140789702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543099651195175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090212093926579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732627691582755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094859558861735
suicidewatch,AssistedSuicide_,2019/04/19,"I’ve been approved for assisted suicide It feels like my one and greatest accomplishment in life: to have finally been approved for assisted suicide. And truly,  in the absence of a terminal illness, it is no small feat to get approved. Treatment-resistant psychiatric conditions seldom get approved, and perhaps it is good that there are additional safeguards in place for reviewing these cases.

But I have been approved. My greatest challenge now is waiting. My family would rather I wait until my birth month to end my life so that they will only have to grieve once a year. It’s a bit of an unsettling request, but a fair one and one that I am trying to oblige. Still, I find myself struggling to make it through the day, sometimes even the hour. Sometimes I think it would be easier to get it done and over with on my own. I made my first stop motion clip this past week while trying to distract myself from such an urge. I’m not an artist, but I found the activity incredibly cathartic and calming despite the subject matter. Just wanted to share my experience and my humble playdo clip. Link below.

[Hollow & Full- a stop motion of depression and eating disorder](https://youtu.be/tyGu9TEdsAo)

Thanks.",6.986805555555558,8.63107481018519,6.688037037037038,72.7606666666667,64.78703703703704,9.278518518518519,34.30740740740741,9.558583805096642,3.5005040740740743,973,43,153,19,15,305,134,216,0.121,0.711,0.168,0.8144,0,0,0,0,0,3,35.0,0,0,1,8,8,10,0,2,13,0,16,4,0,2,0,32,29,14,3,4,6,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,12,10,1,4,5,1,0,2,2,4,0,4,6,1,19,6,25,19,5,27,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,1,17,115,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542305743274176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540369794553133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918006457019108,0.0,0.12260140184056766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566819207028092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565430742571886,0.0,0.0,0.12607527777390062,0.0,0.0,0.09401742412564366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924056704497065,0.1341900464885036,0.0,0.07197382792850793,0.1016911819126535,0.0,0.15593181411388515,0.1301006046776902,0.1210784479189822,0.0,0.15607376954372373,0.0,0.0,0.22310791100610455,0.0,0.0,0.11939209802242105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018099390508118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010847398127843,0.06954249855440747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469012906397942,0.09501628581538818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361829298740887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159260863129015,0.2893696418514475,0.10825966488441499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588425613346408,0.0,0.0,0.1487200609158484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28156537239275503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367677284659385,0.23801331951295526,0.0,0.14880973281671755,0.0,0.3114043022255804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105200374939985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120882563729676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932856047705848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839586744737116,0.0,0.1141804442867638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223538007820308,0.0,0.0,0.0916654097981104
suicidewatch,trowthewholeacctaway,2019/04/19,"Why cant I be one of them? I just got a really strong urge to try to kill myself again.

Ive attepted suicide before and got Baker Acted but it didnt do anything but make my mom suffer, I want to die naturally. I know it sounds bad but if millions can die everyday from car crashes or freak accidents why can't I be one of them?
I have serious self hate issues and think about self harming all the time but I can ever make myself cut with the exacto knife lol, I'm a fucking coward. 

Idk what im writing here for but I just want to go to a place where no one knows me, and I can be whoever I want with no questions asked abt sudden changes.",0.6182586027111583,2.592069934306572,3.0410271115745573,90.68936131386863,83.23357664233576,6.25005213764338,20.73461939520334,7.447530270364453,0.6617553701772683,499,15,111,8,14,172,90,137,0.355,0.583,0.062,-0.9948,0,0,0,0,0,3,9.0,0,0,2,1,7,10,4,0,5,1,12,1,0,2,2,26,27,10,4,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,9,0,4,3,1,17,1,12,21,1,10,0,1,0,1,8,2,1,3,5,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272664483941598,0.0,0.1445799131808219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912900484846682,0.0,0.0,0.1315985259874766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360263343858975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210113162104473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989271974046774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297443864866646,0.0,0.0,0.08789300662012857,0.0,0.2473806655929528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268806755958955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670520498845666,0.1614178140355658,0.0,0.0,0.17110090862372473,0.0,0.16998676461185197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646449210372547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112801861389627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143911363320215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157973119621205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324703535909322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907483281628884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322674139162575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916555553128895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909555871911344,0.0,0.0,0.09017955444023452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499940583200848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27365548338624146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27910100879598176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PhiloticWebs,2019/04/19,"Cryptogenic Cirrhosis, Kallmann Syndrome, legally blind, with religious upbringing. For 16 years (from 16-32) I wanted to die, 

I moved 9 times by the time I was 11 and over 20 times now. About once every 1.5 years. 

I've always known about being legally blind. I wasn't diagnosed with cirrhosis (cryptogenic means despite extensive tests they can't determine the cause but it was from before or near the time of birth.) until I was 23.

Kallmann's Syndrome means despite my body continuing to grow I didn't experience normal changes during the time everyone else did (in fact I'm going through said changes now because it wasn't diagnosed and starting lifelong treatment at 33 which will never quite give me the normality.

Kallmann's leaves baby fat, Low testosterone means the estrogen in men's bodies takes over. So i look androgynous at best and half my age (someone guessing me at 18 would be generous)

I have generalized anxiety disorder, never been in a real adult relationship, was discouraged from college after high school and have been trying to get through community college with numerous interruptions since 2014, to transfer to a 4 year university.

The one person in my family that I've always been able to depend on is 66 this year and is being forced to retire and thus for their own reasons will move 1500-2000 miles away leaving me with no family to rely on.

Recently my best friend of 19 years decided to distance themselves from me. 

I lived for 16 years for other people. In the last 2 years I've learned to actually love myself.  I'm kind, empathic, respectful, intelligent, I have goals, I  but living on disability in a place where my disability isn't enough to even actually pay a full months rent. I have nowhere to go, I have never felt romantic love, I have a couple new friends but they have only known me 2 years despite being long time acquaintances.  

Without meaningless banalities that are as unpromising as they are vague there is little that can be said...the horse is dead...stop beating it.",5.97847606072402,7.9766184386921,6.3375895289996125,72.97048705722072,67.61035422343323,9.820513818606463,32.99815103152978,10.125756701596842,3.722917555469055,1625,73,268,42,28,523,212,367,0.099,0.773,0.128,0.9605,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,4,5,8,10,0,0,13,0,35,10,3,4,4,39,53,14,1,4,5,0,1,0,2,3,6,1,1,3,9,10,1,1,9,0,2,5,10,2,0,2,13,5,29,8,52,32,5,58,0,2,3,2,14,23,0,3,30,165,38,10,0.08186052100037501,0.0,0.15976811994849505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362290223638465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262307450318777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691065416342177,0.0,0.0,0.04990141379994269,0.0,0.06965727405905445,0.0,0.17181513279418745,0.0,0.0,0.18185716939591698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409330458569353,0.17319515380133316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057710947492124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617341132990132,0.08495829668888863,0.0,0.09381924912937248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838396118318579,0.0,0.0,0.08458380088998431,0.0,0.054068102075786856,0.0,0.06897101955813623,0.07822123587141709,0.0,0.08007529734080954,0.1543416275987092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859893760431955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264904709221751,0.0,0.04276874355428971,0.07852807095505616,0.09304644112191973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017859291865513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864901348913738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524513558552663,0.0,0.06672725039350036,0.0,0.17335694402651686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204574757287554,0.14456867959519948,0.07244398508496343,0.0687422205412715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776463250192626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267510316810412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534028686757347,0.17400955758134198,0.0,0.0,0.1894076410095955,0.0790614012873557,0.0,0.0,0.16041185989210344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717878322701057,0.055470807596789296,0.062258614997137425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675177806082547,0.07147744943003896,0.08552682132164596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706874049460019,0.0,0.09317519444722697,0.0,0.08416624943890544,0.08082738876103232,0.08788756410963443,0.0,0.0,0.15573620268408594,0.0,0.0,0.08284721757701675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771586889479304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693601537961864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057941298097854727,0.0,0.0,0.06843906102780196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061548924124743734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864011686011418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557792029353063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048283456218986484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891062104485738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815136542557864,0.0,0.0,0.4217239329730793
suicidewatch,PhallicAssassin,2019/04/19,"I need help This might seem petty in the eyes of you guys, I know others have suffered more, but still I'm considering suicide. I am 19, and i feel my whole life is meaningless.
I am considered an above average looking guy, i have many friends, but i cannot find myself anybody who loves me back. With every girl, i either screwed up my chances, or get told that they only want me as a friend. I try to change myself for the better, but i feel like I'm a lost cause. I'm 19 and i have never been in a relationship and I feel like nobody wants me. I had one night stands before but there's a void inside me left by my previous attempts to find someone who loves me back, but i fall flat on my face. If i get close to a girl, i start to panic and mess up the whole thing. I fell in love many times, i fell on my face. My first love told me how good a friend i am , then the next day, she got together with my best friend. I'm good looking, i just don't possess the skills to get a girl, i am boring. This went on for years, but now i'm sick of it. All of my friends are in happy relationships, i'm jealous of all of them, while i'm still suffering by the loneliness i live with. I'm at that point in my life where i should get my stuff together, because my exams are close (similar to GCSEs) and i need to study because my future life depends on it, but i just can't. I'm worn out and i'm losing motivation, because i don't think i will be able to get in the university i want to go to.  I want to be a psychologist to help others, like me, but first i should get my shit together. I doubt if i can. I'm losing hope to live a normal life. I get no help from my family, my mother doesn't know about how i feel right now, but i'm afraid to let her know as i don't like her because how she treats me. I got little to no support from her, just criticism on every move i make. I basically grow up without my father, as he was working abroad, but now i'm not on the best terms with him either, he's a shitty human being. The pressure of my exams literally kill me, and my inability to find love makes me feel that all my dreams will crumble.  At this point i have no other goals in my life just to find someone who loves me but i seriously doubt if i ever will. I have incredibly high standards, that i tried to lower, but i couldn't. As I said I am quite good-looking i think a need a girl equally pretty, so i can't settle with anyone lower than me, (I know I'm a narcissistic piece of shit) but i can't get anyone who's fit to me, according to my standards, but i can't get anyone who is ""right for me"" as my confidence i highly unstable. Sometimes i'm confident, and sometimes i lose all of my confidence. I also have serious mood swings. I feel like i'm destined to be alone, and this feeling tears me apart. I'm slowly starting to lose interest in everything i have been interested in before, i am a hollow shell of what i had been before. I feel the only thing left for me in life is to hang myself or cut my wrists, i don't know what to do.
Please Reddit help me!",3.199807329320844,3.51918837672282,4.969617863884043,86.4808871398554,72.58346094946401,8.095858114605221,25.140104704583496,8.133680483312611,1.2188696107411237,2362,65,542,33,43,810,251,653,0.162,0.618,0.22,0.9943,2,1,0,0,0,3,78.0,0,1,2,16,20,50,6,5,25,0,48,20,6,8,6,95,120,40,2,15,27,2,8,5,5,6,7,1,0,7,23,17,0,0,21,1,0,8,17,22,0,3,14,12,113,27,76,94,14,67,0,7,3,7,45,36,3,11,27,355,136,5,0.05637868208869759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839131172299938,0.0,0.04508601169727465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826385615820688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670345295570027,0.0,0.1374716852530478,0.0,0.14392231791400598,0.0,0.11833189712763345,0.04986236274244985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791643672782281,0.05964117010337445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0363595858552113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099774568969094,0.09500294250469507,0.0,0.050669524142914514,0.0,0.05314880389901206,0.0,0.22805404523121506,0.12083082524747668,0.0,0.0,0.20611637617250086,0.09591135636716616,0.0,0.0,0.2177901496418001,0.0,0.26509981002348604,0.0,0.032041304278245426,0.14186329100263606,0.09018236471391157,0.0,0.0,0.11164751822316364,0.0,0.060016155440752166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115776876976095,0.11913434606229775,0.0,0.05599675239643285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237465853445408,0.0,0.1549212462301721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251120610233472,0.05765102220827035,0.2389315828497568,0.13771888135653146,0.056506250664095974,0.09956681837931616,0.0,0.14203168086175738,0.2522932965955275,0.0615439914288828,0.0,0.30530377053455965,0.0,0.07526641616369355,0.11431826930775893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980887224685547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992161671697921,0.0,0.12541223519124733,0.04348271526230667,0.0,0.05995936800353309,0.05290757394357761,0.05523913811929055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03820365407506224,0.085757056498337,0.0,0.0661482359654292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618868627329074,0.10659215554863256,0.0,0.0,0.057357388186283435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996566819048081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105921086098165,0.0,0.09629417291172472,0.05362903725464215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132503473833565,0.0,0.0,0.11574381396123308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955389487560298,0.0,0.11151991636978023,0.0,0.0798102427237287,0.0,0.09004817668669292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454010251004695,0.061669127574652136,0.06397786031664429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491098243972451,0.07225036602206078,0.0,0.0,0.032874862911270904,0.0,0.0,0.10774449358218596,0.0,0.07655484868867578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301442966879318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052263603130068316,0.0,0.12588957030644046,0.0,0.05434703765554244,0.0,0.041044352027434776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03630602281742064
suicidewatch,jaypp_,2019/04/19,"Hadn't thought about suicide in years but it's back now. Yeah. It's been a couple of years since I last thought about jumping off a building, or a nice cliff. There's a really pretty mountain nearby and I used to think about jumping off there during first year of uni three years ago.

I'm graduating now and currently destroying all my friendships. It's just happening. I can't help it. I feel so guilty. My final project at uni is shit and I feel like I've failed. My future doesn't seem bright at all.

I'm really exhausted.

I've been thinking about slitting my wrists but I heard you really need to find the right vein for it to work. I wouldn't mind taking my time bleeding out. It actually sounds nice, not gonna lie. Just lying in a red bathtub for an hour or two, thinking about the life I had. Coming to terms with things. Going quietly.

All I want is peace and silence, and maybe I can only get that in my grave.",1.2830761395467292,3.672774048128343,2.5224293353705143,92.8383778966132,83.91978609625667,5.7009421950598425,20.669467787114847,7.07126945348624,0.4815767252355485,725,22,154,10,21,232,114,187,0.177,0.6779999999999999,0.145,-0.8682,1,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,3,13,9,2,0,8,1,10,6,3,1,3,32,30,10,2,3,7,0,2,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,8,8,0,0,9,0,0,4,5,5,0,3,7,7,17,4,22,21,4,29,0,2,2,0,3,9,1,3,17,89,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.1506838914218215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687697002048185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187333389671171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330123127593313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17085400183492658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615074908893758,0.11031200290731466,0.0,0.16915085859311266,0.1411298208115621,0.1313428150567101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067392558740595,0.0,0.08775592925373425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654607023622514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103499145564728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206477018321904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258664338844605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906580091623633,0.07543793039306951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512766358534152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591215756789534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449458219535424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743732586107848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709257201717422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967609490375769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318670512318313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057093551278738,0.0,0.0,0.15850175544251527,0.12773124750252668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890172602165482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116098648503001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025845080808954,0.2968230297740974,0.0,0.2451718472684376,0.09003891098860352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508381407343587,0.0,0.0,0.13336243793583388,0.0,0.0,0.09107623068629048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124138150403086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977452031518232
suicidewatch,nanithefuck_,2019/04/19,"It's going to be tonight Current mission is to drink enough to build up the bravery to finally kill myself. Probably about halfway there. Anything I should worry about before that? I don't have a will or anything but once I'm dead it won't really be my problem anymore. A bit worried about my roommate but he's not working right now anyways and won't really have a problem finding somewhere else to go. I kind of want to write notes, specially because I'll feel horrible about hurting my mom, but I can't take it anymore and I don't want to stick around any longer than I need to. I've lost almost everything I care about and don't really see the point in sticking around anymore. I didn't ask to be alive and life's basically just telling me to fuck off at this point anyways.",3.831666666666667,5.307346726114652,4.694665605095544,84.7070090233546,72.18471337579618,7.526326963906581,31.554670912951174,8.07648339933343,2.27648237791932,624,29,122,9,12,202,98,157,0.224,0.7070000000000001,0.068,-0.9835,1,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,2,12,9,2,0,5,0,15,3,0,0,0,22,28,8,2,6,6,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,2,1,0,2,8,6,0,0,2,2,13,3,23,19,2,15,0,2,1,1,5,9,1,2,4,76,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216835704752594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975734444327726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926941697831587,0.0,0.0,0.2172321236822448,0.23499716770141765,0.12339230794274993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045953676469235,0.0,0.11231329087291668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409828212208448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457202941445084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929940104574875,0.0,0.0,0.1102602395393485,0.0,0.0,0.1363803732032323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862359679731685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673782605793345,0.0,0.0,0.1445879785297424,0.12063595580377028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220221092511917,0.0,0.0,0.15002527944972732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129742402493173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460267580862227,0.1374466893493655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322804396245628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408206408187094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458443540434125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786849638200867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056444457216674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495453647027395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230693889626453,0.2525921345923038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536674426886902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271825949256395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517849393307717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923963163239607,0.0,0.11536458711509676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570158137613402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960898833779634,0.268083363888822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,particularorange,2019/04/19,"Crippling loneliness I don’t even have the energy to type this it all feels so pointless. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine being touched by someone who cares about me. I talk to myself a lot. I need it to be real.

I’m tired of desperately and pathetically searching for a connection. Dedicating myself to anyone who will pretend to care. I feel used and damaged. Sometimes when I eat I think about how this is wasted on me. I don’t deserve food. I don’t deserve to eat. I wish this would end.",1.2272919937205664,3.853755214285716,3.1234693877551045,86.09570643642077,88.6938775510204,5.464364207221348,24.885400313971747,7.010146845296331,1.3174715855572994,393,17,75,6,13,131,66,98,0.185,0.706,0.109,-0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,9,5,1,2,1,16,18,6,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,3,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,15,2,12,14,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,2,55,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071991144456347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103791685146881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41186159051118987,0.0,0.0,0.17824932659331033,0.0,0.0,0.13292489086153644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20351787578222846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24335442966031826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109705136430112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922563159591692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290685649653412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051996499848074,0.0,0.3980862775572091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175854314955584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895400300740342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313092952821805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738169060103666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314295944161322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296347764916198,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Canvaseyes,2019/04/19,"Mental Health Professional on Last Leg I came here after searching for a free version of the peaceful pill. I know all of the hotlines and I work in mental health. I support kids with mental illness for a living. I suppose what made me really choose to post here instead is the fact I know part of me is happy living. That part just isn't very strong. I know all of the typical answers. I know coping skills, resources, and all about how external factors affect your body.  But suicide no longer feels sad to me. 

I'm also trans and I know a large part of this is a hormone imbalance.  I haven't had consistent access to my medication and I have anxiety issues over injections. So I've basically been fluctuating between standard hormone levels of a male and female. It's probably something like a cycle of menopause in a brief window. I don't feel like myself and though I've never been violent, I can feel my body reacting before I have the chance to process and self-regulate like I used to. This has been exacerbated by no balance in my life (work full time, premed student too, long commutes). 

My life isn't any worse than many people's, but I know that doesn't matter. I feel so off and to make matters worse, my support system has mostly left me due to my irritability. I haven't done anything outright harmful, but I'm constantly anxious, irritable, argumentative, and nonchalant. It isn't me. I've decided seeing a counselor is at least something I should try once before attempting suicide, but my schedule doesn't allow for it. Though I work in a mental health facility, I get almost no PTO (1 day/mo, which also counts as sick days). 

I don't know what to do or how else to approach this. I was dead set on doing this when I got home, but the fact that I couldn't verify success chances for my accessible methods and buying a gun would be suspicious (I know nothing and would have a lot of prep time) made me search reddit. I chose to post because of the rules here. Everyone I've tried to talk to tries to give me a dose of toxic positivity or guilt. Sometimes even advice before I'm ready. I'm not used to validation in my life, even though I constantly teach it to kids and parents. 

I don't know what I'm asking for, but I hoped reddit would help me to make up my mind one way or another. 

Sorry this is a mess. My brain has been chaos for weeks and I just finished 2 exams so I know I'm frazzled right now.",4.074496855345913,5.534904662473795,5.286095387840671,80.76360849056606,71.55765199161425,7.983438155136268,28.34433962264151,8.515128840125781,2.08033710691824,1912,72,367,32,36,635,240,477,0.153,0.76,0.087,-0.9868,1,0,3,1,0,2,54.0,0,1,0,7,22,15,1,1,20,0,37,15,4,11,6,74,72,34,3,6,12,1,4,3,0,4,11,0,2,3,16,15,0,0,17,0,2,3,16,5,0,1,11,5,53,11,50,55,11,38,0,1,1,0,9,15,0,7,18,235,69,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002897257174152,0.0,0.0,0.07176087893539837,0.0,0.0,0.11461892619658445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873379734788375,0.07514567476814163,0.0548225612281366,0.08095962243447953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897314787243494,0.0,0.06699591846068742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436855477812524,0.0,0.1829416809562685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920450861089167,0.0,0.08000042903394862,0.0,0.08196422156074931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488607735123788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243436114196713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733368821633545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059865855017975526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466644236344787,0.0,0.0,0.06847777000605401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494135095990995,0.05119658670152488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037441343797902565,0.0687463848144644,0.0,0.0,0.05731603559648035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628737863591215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285255979123934,0.0,0.0,0.04803469105615328,0.0,0.0718845694470059,0.07117825893838288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747983206609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938451466314184,0.05841550896860963,0.0,0.0,0.07786285791246236,0.0,0.15185464642875476,0.10503384333971566,0.0,0.12656078213431118,0.06342015047070951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060925944894724575,0.0,0.13561991788799468,0.0956721993649893,0.0726557793617135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219367374400054,0.2888807581139875,0.0,0.07235994345468706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527149046739359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876328664632947,0.0,0.0,0.07631953907044192,0.04856120160140594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957409703923977,0.2328145247226384,0.0,0.049682610638780544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726809715183802,0.0,0.07726562727968124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590962378407893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061200438243671974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057106718569748374,0.0,0.07476090502859678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034048896478027,0.07087726648823192,0.08022168429033856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677698949171134,0.16264631476135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760059572971135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112277677486496,0.0,0.08357540052666852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596491608230494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378891574011867,0.0,0.05913008672216584,0.0,0.056883337280073526,0.05748432563766433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651615807382066,0.0,0.1460629370191561,0.15272358392662022,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway_4ll,2019/04/19,"Now I've ordered the things I've ordered the things I need to carry out my suicide plans – so it's only a matter of time. Can't stand the meaninglessness and loneliness anymore.

I suffer from some kind of cyclical depression so I've been this path a few times before but this time it's different.

My life is pretty sweet. I'm healthy, career on a good path, I'm in a city that I like and I have hobbies to fill up my time. But it's all so meaningless. It gives me nothing. I feel so empty. So: it's another cycle of depression.

I've been to the mental emergency room a few times the last months and I'm now on semi-regular meetings with a psychologist and will problably start taking medicine again. However, there is no pill against lonelines and my social situation.

No one wants to spend time with me. Oh, I can make a few calls or send out a few texts and I'll have a coffee-date lined up in the coming week – but it's been years since someone reached out to me just to hang out.

During this depressive cycle I've had amazing friends that has taken their time to meet up with me, stay at my place and listen to me if I ask them. A few even texts me every now and then to check in on me. Though they just make sure that I am not dead – they never want to actually spend time with me. (However, I guess it's better than those who straight up avoid me after I've opened up to them)

I understand that people get more and more busy now as we grow older. That means it will only go more down-hill from here on out. I've passed the best time of my life.

I have a girlfriend (we don't live together). It's not a fully perfect relationship but I love her more than anything and I've never felt this close to someone. However, her interest in me has faded. She almost never asks me what I'm up to or what my plans are. She never asks any follow-up questions or seem interested in me or what I do. I don't feel like a fully fledged person in her eyes anymore. Maybe I should break up with her – but then I will end something that could be good again – and I'll be 100% alone.

With all of this, I don't have any hope for a brigther future and now have a full plan this coming week. I'll finish up the last few letters and administrative preparations while waiting for the things to arrive.

To the person who showed enough interest to read all of this; there is no point in reaching out or responding. I've had countless talks with friends in person and talked with multiple professionals – all with no improvement. There is no realistic change an internet person could do at this point. There's so many of you kind people in this subreddit, please don't waste time on this lost cause.

I just wanted to get this off my chest in my moment of clarity.",3.273659444537393,4.6795308255395724,4.287682784005355,87.35218085996321,73.47841726618705,7.474251296637112,24.44102392504601,8.057270187336151,1.2175643801238083,2153,64,455,32,43,699,245,556,0.102,0.74,0.158,0.9903,5,2,1,0,0,2,53.0,2,1,5,7,23,25,0,1,26,0,34,6,2,3,10,85,68,36,2,9,16,0,3,2,3,4,3,1,1,4,35,35,0,2,7,2,3,8,16,6,0,1,8,6,53,19,75,52,18,91,0,5,1,1,40,40,0,12,40,304,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.07470536529372497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665746941281798,0.07928654273179114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411827823148524,0.08027322617146546,0.0,0.0,0.15184139371533953,0.0,0.0,0.06299716985460133,0.0,0.21470211818923635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514155772283396,0.0,0.08033838204090693,0.06770552394920998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816988387989049,0.0,0.0,0.07864173453196957,0.08098366079542359,0.13188846292046366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222437956883259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780676121953905,0.0,0.0,0.07998231976822973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780385322385192,0.07910043312088806,0.0,0.05056299489049741,0.0,0.06449979147820285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741569879505081,0.054689976451457484,0.07350355436769596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118290392845114,0.0,0.07999229411742112,0.0734372818357031,0.04350723020046129,0.12841921799954675,0.0,0.0,0.08433252801414977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603509444663735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943779010437975,0.0,0.12480296112389105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814428034236688,0.0748005389805154,0.0,0.06759831700261923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356740347706737,0.0,0.0690927004217615,0.0,0.10220037442798048,0.0776134332063987,0.07690847817875479,0.08338941854651341,0.0,0.0,0.07714812098040998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061104430601204386,0.0,0.0,0.056763596336334675,0.23617172212839554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345533696098079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051874766330003534,0.1164450724598101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614538901676072,0.2673749417170938,0.07998231976822973,0.0840329706906798,0.14473597606219807,0.0,0.0,0.07788263142621682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575766080562487,0.0,0.07657441354352855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219002118448297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696916106165988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332600926390451,0.08604956293128613,0.0,0.07803685348351612,0.129727398127823,0.05893477604578666,0.0,0.0,0.05418510077465079,0.08159605523611414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373731937852713,0.0,0.07215095347112374,0.0,0.0575588529383337,0.12306192373383393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257662403090594,0.0,0.07521361864360056,0.0,0.446390763643281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796950984150959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354600618313255,0.0,0.12281351621271802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929807097313384
suicidewatch,mercedobenzene,2019/04/19,I’m disappointed that I’m too afraid to hurt myself/commit suicide Just adding myself onto the list of people I disappoint,5.207826086956524,7.702250000000002,6.338478260869567,70.10163043478265,70.73913043478261,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,2.2895391304347816,102,3,15,2,2,34,19,23,0.477,0.523,0.0,-0.9287,0,0,0,0,0,4,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6371329344456065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126102012325946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6510103268639664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lmao_yeah_im_fine,2019/04/19,"Need a reason to live Gonna make this as short as possible but I tried to kill myself a while back but I couldnt get through it completely. I'm almost at that point again, I cant see any reason to be alive, to be alone working my whole life, for what? Life is shit incantation even remember the last time I was even a little bit happy. I told some of my family how I felt and they just told me what about them and how it would affect them, but I need a reason to live for MYSELF. I dont want to just he alive for other peoples purpose but I'm having trouble finding anything. any suggestion from others who may have felt this before?",2.9395454545454527,4.140809621212121,4.21860606060606,88.3279090909091,74.0,7.098181818181819,22.29090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.7399945454545445,498,12,107,6,10,164,86,132,0.14,0.7759999999999999,0.084,-0.8299,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,3,1,9,4,2,0,5,0,11,3,1,7,0,27,24,11,1,5,6,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,3,16,1,16,13,3,9,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,3,5,75,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020265247489808,0.14501109522280578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904270893754912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521865226808445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766124532661274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914062972656465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285777792734245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468008177603917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409402681854682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849543444369711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199166170028245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688686012627669,0.0,0.12796921566825034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315093948913562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904629087305896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490348274993507,0.0,0.0,0.11412916653993604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779044455977748,0.0,0.14032966641692102,0.2472678375428209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934596699348823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076355202259728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970672864765958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323574069682922,0.15784346008026465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43186961140797897,0.0,0.0,0.15860727424230156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115721203028182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437211867015833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164262345531897,0.0,0.0,0.2675765718827868,0.0,0.09505953989888218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258321125842734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631935581329684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101931028171514,0.0,0.0,0.09946111716041883,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,shesadeadwildflower,2019/04/19,"you know it's getting bad again when... for me, it was when I started looking up over the counter overdoses. It then moved onto looking up the lethality of prescription pill overdoses too (I finally am in control of my medication now I'm 18). Then it was looking at blades like they were candy, even though I'm 2 years clean of self harm. 

My thoughts are getting scary. 

I'm so selfish.",1.765066666666666,4.403320440000002,3.078666666666667,87.83266666666668,84.6,6.533333333333335,29.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.260866666666667,303,16,59,6,9,98,54,75,0.166,0.77,0.064,-0.8553,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,8,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,3,16,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,3,7,1,10,12,0,16,0,0,3,0,3,6,0,0,10,38,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006592677082084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26954214361852785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873075933759673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632615761319819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511171977433815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207497319107084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740944515798547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054311754705569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24209965784413065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554248082184389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25070880298628584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010151810372534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361156578181813,0.19078923829271796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475982497458607
suicidewatch,Pizza_and_Reddit,2019/04/19,"Totalled my car My little sister was inside the car, I was driving her to my dad's work. She has a concussion and a split lip and I'm completely fine

I passed out because I was up til 4:50 am the night before studying

I passed and drove into a tree, I'm such a piece of shit.",1.4475000000000016,2.8030554166666697,3.4466666666666685,91.725,78.16666666666666,6.133333333333334,22.0,6.742157984588678,0.4028999999999998,215,6,49,2,5,73,42,60,0.068,0.892,0.04,-0.3626,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,6,0,5,2,2,0,1,6,8,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,0,9,1,6,4,2,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25614302188941895,0.0,0.35754948237731365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4405596690504237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42113928476545376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943184618941858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43131747775500096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059022471557913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PastSympathy,2019/04/19,"Why shouldn't I use drugs to cope with my Isolation? My life is so fucking sad and lonely man, I most likely have a rare sleeping disorder that makes it impossible for me to hold up a normal job, go to scheduled meetings with friends or family and I cant even get my own hormone levels checked because I have to wake up at a specific time afterwards. 

Look I just want you to hear me out, imagine living your life every day with your own sleeping schedule pushing forward 15 minutes to an hour with there being nothing you can do about it. You can stay up to go to places but this just makes your situation even more worse because now you aren't even sleeping at normal intervals.

How the fuck am I gonna exercise? How am I gonna work out and do martial arts? How the FUCK am I going to avoid isolation?  How the fuck am I going to have a normal life and meet up with friends or family when I'm going to be missing most of it. What is a life like that to live? 

I just want you to understand why I am going down the path I'm probably going down. I will probably end up killing myself at the end. It's better than living my life emotionless like it was beforehand.",4.20017405063291,4.952052063291141,5.37252900843882,82.92689477848104,70.56118143459915,8.62542194092827,29.580432489451475,8.841846274778883,2.2432533755274267,917,35,187,16,16,305,125,237,0.172,0.753,0.075,-0.9816,1,5,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,8,0,2,16,15,5,1,11,0,21,15,4,7,0,36,46,13,1,6,6,0,0,3,2,4,7,1,0,1,9,11,0,2,2,2,1,9,3,9,0,0,1,2,27,6,34,39,5,34,0,3,1,4,14,15,4,4,14,128,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494079649013787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338036560689213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060800880567613236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804963627151916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093314158430446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700291915920673,0.0,0.0,0.18680725386506453,0.0,0.07943245811161928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777519739110103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567638839347002,0.3486303548516888,0.049255853438546826,0.0,0.3750586339698515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625705689937286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928438771111471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355539826134948,0.0,0.10430355777705984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33295324765543005,0.13817697413729418,0.0,0.24974501594510226,0.0,0.07916895514414803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586129000875582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771143972450529,0.09046134634713952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849942331684984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329315281352486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597132403710803,0.28303532656992986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004867626867652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497369033586932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981457059236816,0.0,0.08142507816924931,0.0,0.0,0.11121406173693182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701406990222776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863479566386367,0.0,0.09607634086870404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Jonel2727,2019/04/19,"I blew it. It was all fault and I got no one to blame I could've finished college right now and I blew it. I missed a lot of requirements, failed more than one subject and dropped out a dozen because of my stupid dumb decisions which led to my downfall. I fell in love with the wrong women in my life and when they all left me, I got totally depressed and suicidal. Which led me to drop and fail my subjects. I can't take take it back. I'm afraid I'm gonna be forced to stop or shift course, which is the last thing that I want to do since I've been studying for 4 goddamn years. And because of it, I've been suicidal and nihilistic at the same time, I lost all hope to the point that I'm tired to keep moving and fight back.",1.7306352357320094,3.1886219741935515,2.6870967741935523,97.03372208436726,77.64516129032258,6.317617866004963,22.89081885856079,7.010146845296331,0.3998287841191064,566,17,137,6,13,179,94,155,0.32299999999999995,0.63,0.047,-0.9932,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,4,4,13,3,1,6,0,7,3,0,2,4,26,21,11,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,11,11,0,3,1,0,0,4,2,11,0,3,6,0,17,2,17,13,7,22,0,5,0,1,4,7,1,3,9,83,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730626917470759,0.0,0.21647574078383974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176582666520032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293067358472534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28401912977421084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763554208882197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782194436417718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473368447346818,0.0,0.0,0.1929175746009603,0.0,0.12541465368874272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382582108945692,0.15095368747671906,0.16025326662459746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871633593341444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406361514031212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784995245866413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151633788266014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687803175867667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484466601882216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884398463768733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26700343597013576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796182164083167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353565228773932,0.20407710590021144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472846515444016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413208936502505,0.0,0.11434170127250805
suicidewatch,throwaway123456762,2019/04/19,"I just wrote my suicide note So I never thought I'd get to this point. Hell I've been in therapy for quite some time now and even at the start, I didn't think I'd end up here. That's not to say it wasn't working, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm the problem. I just finished writing my suicide note. Still haven't really made a decision, but what's done is done. Writing it did provide me with a little relief which is what I desperately need. 

I've just been lonely for what feels like ever now. It runs so deep and has happened in the my conscious and what I feel like my subconscious for so long that all my frustrations have put me to a breaking point. Whenever I try to fix the issues I find (trouble meeting new people, developing intimate relationships with people) I just end up more frustrated. The only conclusion I've come up with is to not try in an attempt to make me feel less frustrated. This further frustrates me because I'm at an age where making relationships is suppose to be the 'easiest' meaning it will only get harder. If I can't manage to do so now, am I supposed to do so when it becomes harder? Give up again and continue to feel even more frustrated at myself?

Hell I used to use that frustration to motivate me, but it's stopped being that and has become a deterrent. It's reaching a point that even doing the things I love tends to leave me feeling a bit frustrated in the end. Everything has slowly turned into frustration to the point that the relief I feel is only while I'm distracted. If I get anytime to myself, these come back. The issue is I only want time to myself now so I won't negatively affect others. I try to focus on anything when im by myself, but even tasks which require any range of mental effort only cover it up for the period in doing so. 

If I'll only continue to feel this way, I don't see a point on continuing to try. No matter what I do, I can try to make others feel better which provides me a little relief, but without feeling good about myself, I feel like I can't effectively help others to my best ability possible. Life won't even really feel like life, just like I'm going through the motions only there to make others feel better about themselves while I absorb all the negatives that they and I all feel.

Idk I guess at this point I feel myself collapsing under all the pressure I've put on myself and feel like there's no escape. I don't know what to do to stop this and even if I do, it will probably only be temporary. Even if I can get it to stop, I have to worry about trying to move forward using the same tools which I feel like will lead me to failure yet again leading me to this same point again, but feeling even worse. It's like I'm too deep into a cycle that I just can stop at this point.

Just needed to get this off my chest, still don't know what I really want to do.",6.215387041443037,5.399020833619215,7.147260554418197,77.31660598683119,66.22126929674099,10.12978476179937,31.32789243623084,9.454032385205345,2.630690853759752,2258,73,450,38,31,761,223,583,0.17800000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.119,-0.9924,1,2,0,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,1,14,44,31,10,2,28,0,44,4,1,13,6,101,101,30,2,10,21,0,17,8,0,5,2,2,0,0,45,16,0,5,29,0,0,12,18,15,0,0,10,20,58,16,68,83,12,85,2,1,1,1,11,37,2,7,44,323,103,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035002524494671075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235682760769721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03957856404811033,0.0,0.03137667367393877,0.11369290866970301,0.0,0.0,0.05401637893006817,0.09104508067979623,0.05619377089309665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301494893166738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534684978317588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676595926938453,0.0,0.0,0.2719726061153199,0.04655910405598157,0.0,0.0,0.04625944961159173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424358908861513,0.22062837836397256,0.0,0.0,0.04704420595495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445920744121898,0.04937634966573904,0.02925255616312002,0.043172024162961606,0.0,0.0,0.05670188611744016,0.0,0.045516258814711816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03450039893843762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559827407580683,0.10744617467033113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657500602165645,0.0,0.0,0.054501103752670976,0.0,0.0,0.0727119749949456,0.2011718013284124,0.10317634118540447,0.0,0.045550839276084686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464552234246292,0.04870377188087061,0.1374310513021211,0.0,0.0,0.0560677762799973,0.0,0.0,0.05187137244684202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470627672258953,0.0,0.07633123424307063,0.03969815208799719,0.04971169350717937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131724089402556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136799882140267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892591874109746,0.05802661371238897,0.0,0.0,0.05549520371144668,0.04925147035636578,0.0,0.10348656037234784,0.0,0.05474649413045418,0.0,0.0,0.09892227684858246,0.0,0.0,0.1105226970169947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040932365802930186,0.0,0.0,0.04101628488498457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03643193777934373,0.0,0.08221074033189403,0.1721306007905202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260338232441708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058862380563054935,0.0,0.034195513734756995,0.03298099027918296,0.0,0.040862784388615375,0.06002713031377789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096754543489458,0.05598643465532388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336508104730427,0.0,0.0,0.06071869048466873,0.040855843682184784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049616886925459784,0.0,0.03747201432360519,0.05227201500520291,0.05245406482774959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mj1343,2019/04/19,"I want to die but I’m scared of pain and death. I’ve been 16 for exactly 1 month today but these thoughts go back to when I was 13. I’m at a family gathering to send my cousin off back home to New York tomorrow, and I should be playing with my baby cousins or talking and having fun and instead I’m in the car crying. One of the babies just called me the “least popular but still a good cousin” which I think just sums up my entire life. I’m so tired. All the time. It’s so hard to function. 

I think a coma would be nice. The everlasting quiet sleep I so desperately need with 100% less fear of the other side and what people will feel. If I don’t like it I’ll either wake up some day or I won’t. Doesn’t matter at that point really.",0.13137624861264996,2.1144872578616365,2.380917499075103,94.65119866814648,85.22641509433961,5.753755086940438,16.900110987791344,7.048011613610866,-0.13515049944506075,570,12,135,8,17,193,108,159,0.218,0.6709999999999999,0.11,-0.973,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,2,9,0,11,6,2,0,2,28,22,15,2,5,9,3,2,1,0,4,4,1,1,0,7,7,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,3,3,12,6,17,13,5,21,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,11,83,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955868982973351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962623542667852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112769334049925,0.12395604603900595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994779969854932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811933614771848,0.2162835756896315,0.0971844049689938,0.13731098218913104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923428567310636,0.16121207303068766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721775406120397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927968536761297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575977094383446,0.09390144357446724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534158528922784,0.0,0.0,0.14251725217778474,0.0,0.1856323700252648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024278995487892,0.0,0.20451921238582726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325044703278893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169544330342588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313116830379647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243030349446386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234337640857266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349481673901458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448675163514675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463138533158507,0.0,0.15258895798419286,0.11207602960008532,0.2209108771344493,0.18218745711197032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133672343899503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653661089209426,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Teddy5003,2019/04/19,"I’ve had enough of this life, but i can’t bring myself to end it I’ve been wanting to die for the past few months, but i have no courage to actually do it. Where I live, there are no roofs to jump off, no guns to buy, no high places to hang myself, and i don’t have the access to go anywhere because i’m only 14. I’ve had enough of the pain that people have put on me, and i’ve tried to kill myself before, but someone stopped me. Everyday i go to school and feel the pain of no one who wants me. I’ve been in a mental crisis for two months and now i’ve decided that i just dont want to deal with this anymore. I really hope i die in my sleep tonight, or i get shot, hit by a car, run over by a train or get terminal brain cancer.",3.7640379403794033,2.6530438048780525,5.18739837398374,90.32724932249323,71.3170731707317,8.50840108401084,25.539295392953928,7.3871296695380915,0.8394994579945787,560,12,144,5,9,190,95,164,0.292,0.6629999999999999,0.045,-0.9939,0,0,0,1,0,2,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,7,0,12,6,2,0,0,18,24,9,3,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,8,8,3,0,2,4,1,16,2,23,19,3,24,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,8,88,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.1465399670224581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892392762022233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915395578914618,0.0,0.127779868058519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676344758583448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548141430946909,0.0,0.0,0.3116963759500313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599296851282126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300215287553713,0.3103224196929463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592824092247763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691065957483885,0.0,0.1706851456718496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865820438815595,0.0,0.1491483267493725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613599099668372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060664064269628,0.0,0.0,0.13259897873987844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133160864502854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397215035364723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175609900852678,0.11420770791426432,0.31957357842054684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335005979564838,0.10410592160914472,0.0,0.15689109416884922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095790718028046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961999305857724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197560734334478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027405094935067,0.0,0.1272348282403572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554516820120554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195258740750426,0.0,0.14668997435873776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657146901775467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jkim300,2019/04/19,"Thanks... To the guy who told me not to while we we're getting off the bus today from school.

I just wanted to say thanks man. I know its only been 2 hrs since you said something to me but i was ready. I finally decided to look on here to find an easy way out and i was ready to execute. You almost got off the bus too. Just as it was leaving, you tried to get off but stayed even though the bus driver probably wouldve let you off. I came back to the house and thought for a while.

The four words you said to me were ""dont do it man"" but i heard it as ""i love you man"" 

Idc what that sounds like to anyone but for me i just needed to hear that from anyone today. 

I assume most people are on here bc theyre as far gone as i was for a second there or are just here to help the former but whichever one you are doesnt matter. I chose to live another day today bc some random guy that sat behind me on the bus opened his mouth after looking over my shoulder at my phone. I left a school help session for a class that im failing so i could grab a bite to eat at my fav lunch spot and just make today my last day but i guess everyone does deserve to live. 

Ive nvr been a religious person, also leaned towards the proven rather than religion but after today i think ill give church a chance. I think thats going to be the first change in my life.

Thanks man...",0.696531664212074,2.4874444742268094,2.290705694648995,97.1501675257732,81.92096219931271,5.256799214531173,16.922066764850268,6.18269132825596,-0.5565582719685813,1046,19,249,8,28,341,160,291,0.032,0.836,0.132,0.9842,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,7,0,2,16,6,0,0,18,0,17,7,2,1,0,40,44,20,0,4,15,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,7,11,7,2,0,7,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,16,9,37,5,44,25,2,37,1,1,2,1,28,16,0,7,17,162,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346181229946297,0.0,0.0,0.0826263697159605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083418683455232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448994614374452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944805151174113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817256187767684,0.0,0.0,0.10930071624746952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249401357204639,0.0,0.0,0.1332679680679539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041756360470514,0.0,0.12109232673185825,0.0,0.0,0.1057239491212348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824304437298069,0.0,0.0,0.09872836414713047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113183931688156,0.09443421174894316,0.0878854315653712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796270451886578,0.09911564166241328,0.05872013411281456,0.0,0.0826358456669796,0.0,0.11382056113999788,0.20460956228546132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645112647762647,0.0,0.13850878817658768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921943240747855,0.0,0.0,0.11160522492350247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678293415625104,0.08422102005925401,0.0,0.10940281949404594,0.1122593885408103,0.10565349420276043,0.07297921076541282,0.05047779024783917,0.0,0.18247000426849827,0.0,0.1735285030023664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325191735463174,0.0,0.0689680734114769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661177175006423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001349481301683,0.07858085012665278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163029512339514,0.09021657069235392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139832657299473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656529787845198,0.08216560618155863,0.0,0.20913426320611464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546882299039997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954213443080989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101272428620484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28537436938560984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240881662223242,0.10151309916795134,0.08202593189266771,0.0,0.0,0.4896847106824371,0.09872836414713047,0.0,0.0701486890631568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609418477573815,0.08201199946193691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,GreenPhoenix49,2019/04/19,"Need a vent. Just discovered this subreddit and been browsing around a bit, guess i should make my own post. I got no one i know that i can talk with about these things.

I'm 23, male, doing good at my job, got a few good friends and and my family. (which are the only reason i didn't end it yet, at least thats what i tell me)

2 years+ i moved away from home, 250km away for my job. I've had the thoughts before but it's been just going downhill since then. I'm a introvert and got trouble getting to know new people so i only have my old friends. And even of those i kinda lost contact to alot of them.

The few friends i got left (+family) i see a weekend a month at most. The remaining time i'm struggling for the most part.

Those thoughts are haunting me every time i'm alone with my thoughts. I try to keep myself distracted as much as i can but they are always coming back, giving me many sleepless nights.

I care about other people more than myself, which likely is the reason i can't do it. Just can't make all the people be sad that do care about me.
Feels to selfish. I tried beeing more self centered but it doesn't work for me.

Everytime there's a little up that gets me excited there's this hole waiting for me to suck me down like quicksand. I just wanna stop suffering.

I hate myself for more things i could write down here. Don't even know where to start.

Might add more another time.",1.1551609195402293,3.2993985620689656,2.3400000000000034,95.50333333333334,82.34482758620689,5.383908045977012,19.321839080459768,6.588339656340683,-0.012526436781609362,1093,28,243,11,30,348,161,290,0.146,0.747,0.108,-0.9093,2,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,2,17,19,2,2,15,0,22,0,0,4,1,43,55,12,0,4,7,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,2,19,10,0,3,9,1,0,3,6,9,0,1,12,2,38,10,32,39,15,32,0,3,1,0,12,13,1,6,17,163,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032951875084041,0.0,0.0,0.08298735375321498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045806471513774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878512830857857,0.0,0.0,0.18740827919631092,0.07668991470144958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486697978913947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888458437516604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033725770429488,0.0,0.0,0.0859127100146717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963013244302805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833544118883381,0.0,0.0,0.13174780632996885,0.0,0.084030881224469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880422104795232,0.0,0.05042891799545272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311646066605356,0.0,0.10421464646324302,0.09567472027361916,0.05668159244539714,0.1673056580083037,0.31906816264946475,0.0,0.10986914038801288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984674793762933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004214901471864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979428245355377,0.0886488840629784,0.0,0.0,0.16443493430285205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083621658154742,0.0,0.0,0.09745078336760364,0.09996048359786457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088723295825202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314752385759454,0.10111544607697184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580287530981636,0.0,0.0,0.07960737596917394,0.1060023221254182,0.0733165629669639,0.07395209987964363,0.0,0.09632450358977113,0.0,0.09359436549468696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465490872424324,0.0,0.06758289024076497,0.15170563855778885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800308306436414,0.0,0.20743068402027487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955183813151644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508799652434234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947573300982365,0.0,0.10404516099745004,0.0,0.0,0.08250166769412093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705928137592396,0.0,0.0,0.08338276924402797,0.0,0.10426448098041363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016306455833361,0.08717262228704101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251875577411049,0.0,0.0,0.2375349023843319,0.17446851398931246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542678211250966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260813147934264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642259494426241
suicidewatch,DatDudeJP7,2019/04/19,"Just another failing pre-med with beginnings I’ve never seen myself do any other profession. My grades are awful and there’s a greater than likely chance I’m never getting into medical school. I go to an expensive ass school and I’m going to be drowning in debt, which I think about every day- I’m sure that affects my shit grades too. I stay completely responsible, do my work and stay involved in extracurriculars and that’s literally it, and I’m still doing garbage. I don’t really know what my purpose is if I don’t become an MD- there’s nothing I like enough to do if otherwise.",3.6105217391304336,5.708213573913046,5.209782608695651,78.19380434782613,74.13043478260869,8.42608695652174,28.02173913043478,9.120678840339163,2.5961478260869564,471,19,86,11,10,159,77,115,0.157,0.76,0.08199999999999999,-0.863,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,3,1,9,3,2,1,3,16,20,7,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,4,2,0,0,1,1,11,3,9,18,2,12,0,1,1,1,1,3,2,2,7,54,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339255718883465,0.20650817329949114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750413767380766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648725490384745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700964578752932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034910857587992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592997131958415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289272852282758,0.0,0.223850443355208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823276528512277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242932423930034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839576575302176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303783672637955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896870324495407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261644475715907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39862645280673054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021555040788084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198224767810324,0.15727609041441407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561309061270453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619084047083626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337425715854202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Bohobalooba,2019/04/19,It would be nice to just hang myself I wouldn't have to feel anything ever again and that tingling sensation feels good when losing consciousness. I'd cut my arteries if it didn't hurt so much. Could use the doorknob or clothing rack. Lol dead in less than 5  minutes,4.544038461538463,6.23417378846154,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,70.73076923076924,7.507692307692308,28.384615384615394,8.07648339933343,1.8320615384615395,215,8,41,3,4,66,47,52,0.149,0.664,0.187,0.3129,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,1,1,12,9,5,1,4,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,3,2,4,4,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900825334222303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28144748430971794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188620022141134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564754112756445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956654416649901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773651339628035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394364224387232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25913258677612155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044521412114505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25041026148933304,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,str3amboywithluv,2019/04/19,"i wish id die without having to do it myself i always think about killing myself, and what i would do, who i would talk to and what id say to them. i have multiple plans but i dont have the motivation to do it. i really wish id just get an illness or be involved in an accident, that way i could die without doing it myself",0.9895833333333356,2.2314032361111136,4.003888888888889,87.73,79.1388888888889,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.0133444444444444,251,8,58,4,6,91,42,72,0.249,0.68,0.071,-0.9281,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,3,0,12,1,0,1,0,14,16,4,3,5,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,12,0,8,12,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,47,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634808181118286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921398834403029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399130932618944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483879093391512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072803366568068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344762510591327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577189951785326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854035007696316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034646880062115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580030224249812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822526775112945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4874328541435843,0.4085982976115908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011071082962847,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,smells-like-toast,2019/04/19,"I don't want to live my life. Over the last couple of months I've been  doing really well. I don't feel sad all the time, I'm able to go outside, I got a friend and found a potential boyfriend

Problem is, I just don't want to live. I don't see any reason to stay alive. People keep saying that life is worth living but I just don't see it.

I have Aspergers and I'm sensitive to light and noises. Going places with many sounds are literal hell. If I go to get groceries by myself and (for example) there's a child crying I lose my ability to think and just stand there, trying to figure out how to get out/home/away

People stress me out. I love being social, but I can only be it for an hour or two without feeling exhausted and being unable to do anything for the rest of the day

I wish there were something that I could do to to make it better, because I love life. I love being with people and talking and all other human stuff.

Problem is, I can't enjoy it. I can't enjoy life the way I want to and I don't think I ever will. This fight to stay alive is not worth it in the long run.

I know most of this doesn't make much sense, I'm not sad, and life is going pretty good. I just don't want to live and I don't know how to change it.",1.4400304156809725,2.697698776951672,3.3474095978371072,92.8414185535654,77.95910780669145,6.080500168976005,18.91872254139912,6.574015621080383,-0.0980721189591085,957,18,223,8,22,323,133,269,0.13699999999999998,0.6679999999999999,0.194,0.9615,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,11,18,2,1,10,0,30,9,0,5,3,52,60,17,0,9,11,0,2,0,1,1,6,2,0,2,12,15,0,1,9,0,2,5,14,9,1,1,4,7,27,9,30,50,5,21,1,3,2,3,10,5,1,3,7,143,39,0,0.09980342170142686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786974916212911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212971225762923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376860001623276,0.0,0.0,0.06083923952732071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826801605587513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055787866986502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968491115025315,0.11043058782120944,0.10962937233137404,0.064364950466346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902779087826657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092721753906568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094293005127368,0.07710787603343057,0.0,0.10428633720934673,0.0,0.2268823380947062,0.08371037498188644,0.07982191355071384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011096944013947,0.0,0.09828626650755568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870986689845706,0.0,0.0,0.10969870096427883,0.08135310927191276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524705414277531,0.0,0.0,0.3525129993832329,0.0883228875752374,0.0,0.11165450015731414,0.0,0.0,0.27022945401383197,0.0,0.13323911794394572,0.10118500483879543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966213902189513,0.0,0.07336699847943012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590499951835904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757337855513053,0.0,0.10427333360250317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153595984812293,0.0,0.19099679164349914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393662755460322,0.10261453974547853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936768675300343,0.0,0.0,0.1590608110069399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173701988334366,0.0,0.07683354997978124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275433653184028,0.0,0.0,0.11432448235842113,0.0,0.1142510400886942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021820987718446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790000548146468,0.0,0.0,0.0581961777919588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677599720666097,0.0,0.09749344099792946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354665757479757,0.07921931067969662,0.0,0.0,0.08973526201868233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476900950758807,0.09620693702676668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Ahren_with_an_h,2019/04/19,I don't know what to do with this person. Someone please help.  [https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/beokei/my\_ugly\_appearance\_is\_the\_main\_cause\_of\_my\_anxiety/elanpjc/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/socialanxiety/comments/beokei/my_ugly_appearance_is_the_main_cause_of_my_anxiety/elanpjc/?context=3),84.52333333333334,107.21578657142858,35.11571428571429,-148.38738095238088,-66.71428571428572,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.5709809523809528,308,2,11,1,3,58,13,14,0.0,0.6509999999999999,0.349,0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615703442791207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29645808504047994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710117957761438,0.0,0.5921350770604498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570595461275886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kepcikdante,2019/04/19,"Im very depressed , anxious got noone to talk to, hate myself. im still in high-school but i dont feel like its worth living anymore for me. i got nothing without music, im not good at anything else, i feel like i wont be able to make a career out of it and ill spend my life working at a factory or something. im very underweight, almost all friends make fun of me for that,(the few ive got left). im scared to go outside because i hate that other people are able to see me and judge me. also because im underweight sometimes im mistaken for a girl, that just triples my social anxiety when im going out. i cant help but try and listen what other people are talking about me when im in public . ( are they using word girl when they describe me or she?) i dont feel a bit manly no more. this is an embarrassing thing for me but its crushing me so i cant talk about it to anyone. also my parents found my pot and now they are acting strange around me, i dont feel calm at home. i just hate myself. im struggling to even look at my reflection... im waiting for summer break because at least school pressure will be off me for a bit and maybe ill meet new people durring summer but im very shy ,introverted , and people don’t usually like me...",0.6144492911668493,2.7163419007633607,2.786766630316251,91.7489503816794,84.19083969465649,5.116902944383861,22.33424209378408,6.367922702773337,0.4413081788440572,966,34,208,9,28,327,134,262,0.251,0.7120000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9953,1,0,1,0,0,2,33.0,0,0,3,1,14,15,3,4,6,0,16,3,0,3,1,32,36,18,0,0,10,1,4,3,1,2,3,1,1,3,11,9,0,1,6,0,2,3,10,8,0,0,4,7,33,7,29,28,7,26,0,1,2,0,17,12,0,3,13,124,44,3,0.1206100418407073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038676740951025,0.0,0.0,0.0964518068848057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04613317594196969,0.06812750849824221,0.059806376310479185,0.042166672789087874,0.0,0.04962589389666335,0.05368425402600863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028414306624004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316749279630875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194062615288782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120311061708833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05037710680768547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039830897567695735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196812216187622,0.08616383799002715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612134277782898,0.0465915095699929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685454662375789,0.05058099039565432,0.14469430259552832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786161695154166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040421184347628814,0.06371556557775405,0.060490852953974265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7816772518503355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552158168007405,0.0,0.042595219707392336,0.0883859612922554,0.0,0.0532504383118724,0.0,0.0506410293654734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050813948099576,0.0,0.0605844990602219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058242964989248226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786429400848765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696158911398226,0.0,0.0,0.1672316335836499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060375846237232675,0.12206380140561768,0.048055293956142935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147337443794035,0.0,0.04642575134124387,0.059643207685621924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815966760616563,0.0,0.0,0.06304390148976834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541267450656256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040063976274619856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094315067938253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208417576241962,0.06641746071458744,0.14927387373599665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813188817753094,0.0,0.04390277345935018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,n0lifeismylife,2019/04/19,"I feel like my life is a burden on my family and society I suffer from severe OCD which causes severe depression when it manifests itself

I posted this because of issues I'm experiencing and wanted to know if I was being an entitled asshole or if I should do what I thought was right for my mental health

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bf3fov/wibta_if_i_cut_my_visit_to_my_dad_short_because/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share


The comments on this post have reminded me of how much of a monster I am. How it's unfair to my family that I burden them with my disability. I've always known this I feel like a monster for not being able to pay for the things that keep me from things getting worse and I don't know what to do.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm nothing but a waste of space asshole who deserves to die as everything I do and need to keep myself from suffering causes nothing but pain to others. I really really just don't want to exist anymore. I'm sick of this disability I'm sick of what it does to me and Im sick of the things I need to do to keep it at bay. It's not fair to my family and it's not fair to me. I just want to make sure I'm not longer a burden on anyone ever again.",5.479917043740574,7.051623286324787,6.1671241830065355,75.36382352941179,68.27350427350427,8.240925087983912,23.593765711412768,8.671277953709913,1.4530827551533436,995,23,184,16,17,325,109,234,0.221,0.708,0.071,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,0,9,0,15,6,0,5,2,42,36,15,1,8,11,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,23,7,0,3,7,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,3,4,28,4,33,30,1,11,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,3,6,132,51,1,0.1174598097332576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977359712072429,0.12726765477179447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648856886298704,0.08213063004210208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160240979085597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413271607795213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116796200770954,0.0,0.12190473799076837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278987104526334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624912260474828,0.0,0.0,0.10556530313599836,0.0,0.3321919648834626,0.0,0.17817362722058258,0.2517399346290569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613679026107633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485428507812472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268767507164665,0.12259752434489295,0.0,0.3132110275295222,0.0,0.0,0.12910567917999047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829653373138614,0.1721547897345213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784053350873199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837186136903402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634647525287059,0.1741899211787312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254117106952951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249855190885325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498805766823696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504955236908973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031003572270523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653923027859715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070448059384604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341052349483373,0.0,0.0,0.09324996854014006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078425171782224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970158099047393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meccadeadly,2019/04/19,"A few words from someone who survived. I’m watching my infant son sleep peacefully beside me and thanking God that I was never successful in killing my self. I tried many times and struggled with self harm and eating disorders for over two decades. 

He wouldn’t be here without me.  He’s the most wonderful thing in this whole world.  He is meant to do great things. 

If you can’t find anything worth living for now, do everything you can to stick around long enough to find that *thing* that you were meant to do.  There is a *thing* you were meant to be or do or create. 

Don’t be the reason for not reaching your full potential.  Don’t cut your life short before you can say, “I’m proud of this.”  It might happen tomorrow or in ten years but, I promise, it’s worth surviving for.",1.8484313725490191,4.3542636470588265,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,82.46405228758171,5.691503267973857,21.41830065359477,7.048011613610866,0.5379045751633984,610,19,127,8,17,187,99,153,0.056,0.784,0.16,0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,7,0,4,4,9,2,1,4,0,19,3,1,1,1,24,27,8,1,2,7,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,12,5,1,0,7,0,2,0,7,4,0,2,6,2,14,5,18,16,5,14,0,0,1,0,16,8,0,7,6,87,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997019935457615,0.1405990431626498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343943110943732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810115816970364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161085197153918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319303050411932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419452359307231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887064575786288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412811701171144,0.0,0.0,0.1396647852576086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473591417197995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155686602743453,0.0,0.0,0.13946287995384513,0.1397708939940804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601251835552408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675481391513628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181216187086835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238742132155748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255992963574663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295292885336041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805289095657565,0.0,0.1338210576390847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511195670908355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540885438159112,0.0,0.0,0.4197101613276499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209540154686982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723009780105117,0.0,0.15428328693660354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633306272981705,0.0,0.1522473955033306,0.17127792328965433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170742792037124
suicidewatch,SoupysThrowAway,2019/04/19,"I just want to be heard. English is not my first language, and I’m not a good writer by any means, but please bear with me if you have 5 minutes to spare.

I’m in my 20’s, will be done with 5-years of University studies very soon, live alone atm and have never been more depressed than I am right now. At times I really feel like I just want to end it all, however I don’t think that I could actually go through with it, all in respect to my loving parents. 

I had a great childhood, although a missing father who came back when I was 13 or so. We are very close today. My grades at the Uni is as good as I could expect, even better at times. I’m in general proud of my self in that regard. I work out daily, eat healthy food, and have a decent sleep schedule. I’ve had lots of friends throughout the years, only a very few really close ones and only one I can talk to stuff like this about. I’ve been recommended to talk to a psychiatrist/psychologist by my closest friend, I have not found any that I feel like I could ’trust’/feel comfortable with. 

I feel malplaced in general, like I don’t fit in somehow. Everything I do, everything I am, how I act, all feels ’off’. I should be happy, I’m very consious about my life situation and that I by the book live a ’great life’ but I’m still just feeling empty most of the time. I don’t feel happiness like I used to anymore. I laugh, but don’t feel joy. I have people I love very close to me, but still feel more lonely than ever. I’m very introvert as a person, so I prefer to *be alone*, but I’ve never liked *feeling lonely*. 

The fact that I’m depressed makes things even more complicated. It makes me feel like I’m not appreciating my life like I should. I feel ashamed for not being happy. I just feel like I’m in a void or something. I read about people who are in situtions that makes their life a living hell, who are ’more justified’ than me to feel weak/down/tired.

Why am I depressed? I have no fucking idea, I wish I knew. It’s honestly driving me mad, and I just want it to end. I don’t know where to begin.

I don’t even know what to expect from here. I’ve never been a part of any forum like this before, and don’t really know why I’m writing now either. If you made it this far, thank you for taking time. I just want to be heard I guess.",1.7455959836961945,3.418046661795408,3.3183999403519238,91.58442762700071,78.20668058455115,6.315558206581173,21.84317526593101,7.1686216300943375,0.4965525996619946,1777,50,401,21,42,587,209,479,0.075,0.6579999999999999,0.266,0.9987,2,6,1,0,0,1,66.0,1,3,1,4,26,39,3,1,16,0,42,10,1,6,8,93,94,24,0,15,21,2,13,10,2,3,4,2,0,2,21,17,2,0,22,2,1,4,16,10,0,3,13,15,58,29,53,69,12,48,1,6,0,3,21,21,2,8,33,254,79,4,0.0,0.0,0.06117363538748824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298500057429343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278882761230725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216882829867141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820256443988821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334216471657339,0.0,0.0,0.05544170782785426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169742266232404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015181352272414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197710352459033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415073964078298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641446249893574,0.0,0.0,0.11104445252826013,0.0,0.0,0.12421285411171927,0.05670413435903985,0.0,0.0,0.11267837297715072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4437512351241645,0.17913490768100407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053321674952986536,0.07580157504216681,0.06873324651358582,0.0968639043969386,0.057953278727320666,0.0,0.0,0.035626563454152514,0.10515804839134504,0.0,0.1382256529132856,0.06905698539534577,0.0,0.0,0.20019497504063427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076618485335286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335368800132716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711120878387432,0.3062578491110065,0.0,0.1660617593207896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329439039423968,0.11315523716187005,0.0593161161607471,0.12553251865794438,0.0,0.0,0.06828470572738835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504463061167042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495689777583727,0.09535283546661692,0.0,0.0,0.06960668398670271,0.06788409651234374,0.0,0.0869187815392402,0.05473601906651239,0.0,0.06881168828165715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627041342439701,0.0,0.12047701929099976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053534500838561934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653963900880872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704630058003796,0.06273244213005423,0.0,0.0,0.04825964624218308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012411020475716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176181211115189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713295047989601,0.10077114572664812,0.0,0.0577139240382312,0.0,0.0,0.041646570409959185,0.04016740747064942,0.0,0.0,0.14621357225463025,0.0,0.05942010753633119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541415879009598,0.0,0.3103408833062728,0.1478980686229626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313084148962155,0.0,0.07208715203006316,0.0,0.0,0.04563700651014983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073696466538313
suicidewatch,gfbhrivgigr1,2019/04/19,I'm beginning to know what method i would use I thought for a long time that hanging would be my preferred option. Discovered cyanide sleeping pills on Amazon...gotta love the internet,4.10409090909091,7.339454484848487,3.718409090909091,83.09761363636366,79.9090909090909,6.936363636363637,32.49242424242424,8.07648339933343,3.029551515151516,150,8,24,3,4,45,30,33,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.6369,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,1,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334113889978876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435392627366656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503600253956937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38847410988814457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081824845673597,0.22635890380860546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352747709734015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515234199776297,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dalvesium,2019/04/19,"I hurt myself constantly. I diserve suffering that's why things keep to me that shouldn't. Dying would mean no more pain. I want freedome. I want to die. Lost my best friend and am just having struggles with my ocd.

Please be aware my English isn't great. 

My dog of 8 years died. My only true friend and companion. I used to kiss her on her head 5 times before bed before I could sleep and she would always say goodnight and good morning for her kisses as well as to give me love. She made me so happy especially when 8 feel alone and had no one. She gave me purpose to keep on loving so that she wouldn't be sad. She was a miniature toy pomegranian. I am an only child with sever ocd, and am borderline neuro atypical. I didn't socialize much, struggled to make friends and try to make my actions based on logic.i stiglke to understand people. 

I waited for the one who ended up having many ones because of my strict upbringing which was a mistake in believing in sameness and being each others first only to find there inst such a thing and your other won't let you be. (see prev post for more context) The ocd from this got better after my boyfriend and I spoke but still its coming back I'll give it another two weeks before I explode again from sorrow and pain and the ocd flashes it causes. 

My dad is constantly cheating on my mom. He doesn't give us much money. I am struggling with the task of completing my degree because at where I am studying in its unnecessarily hard. 

My cousins take advantage of my mom kindness but have never given me or her so much as 2cents of their time. I hate that my mom is diabetic and sick and giving for my dog as well, she's so overworked I hate seeing the dark shade of her eyes that I cause by being such a burden.

I just want to die. There is so much more. Read my previous posts and you will understand some of the things I struggle with.

I can't take it anymore. I am trying to be patient but not one thing is going right and it's taken to long and still going on even after chances, plus my dad and his chances as well as my dog dying from what I think was poisoning. 

The struggle and pain with grief and loss and so many other things is becoming to much.",3.2292056309703376,4.9096913800905,4.121862745098042,87.37893790849674,74.11312217194569,6.811563599798896,24.494972347913524,7.492282038375204,1.0849937657114124,1738,54,351,21,36,559,228,442,0.18,0.7090000000000001,0.111,-0.9928,0,1,0,0,0,5,35.0,1,3,1,6,22,39,4,5,12,0,36,13,3,6,2,64,72,39,6,9,7,6,2,0,4,6,6,2,1,1,23,29,0,3,6,2,1,4,11,21,3,6,12,7,62,18,52,46,12,35,0,7,3,4,40,12,0,2,17,254,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685982522433473,0.0,0.0,0.053715183655759016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769186405533192,0.0,0.0,0.06402151421817742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963904337741663,0.0,0.07870462726472037,0.07129626049974781,0.16479542482724166,0.07273172028948756,0.0677468079322258,0.057093919623652685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263215786650134,0.0,0.055608677564601534,0.06768500715871836,0.13952269807241902,0.0,0.051542156669189605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349910636175295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717683758035104,0.0,0.0,0.04263816890885911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03264110095307158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059002377580338564,0.05491070789913241,0.0,0.0,0.14962580128060682,0.0,0.0,0.24770931657821316,0.07337653293921156,0.054145925494193066,0.051630773184997536,0.07117244964623122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687203206264789,0.057828871687409335,0.1274699939112675,0.0662523652588276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910778720905751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147594391907333,0.0,0.06722441421486468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601217124791796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712941186938431,0.0,0.0,0.07046973923215184,0.0,0.11652736303821765,0.061083788742299486,0.0861823322935294,0.13089789011974906,0.0,0.07031965018879857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22681917256758724,0.0,0.0,0.23727787829521665,0.0,0.04978902951365311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497737653209874,0.14729165110467446,0.2060741821836024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475451894804365,0.0,0.0,0.07086233728801115,0.0,0.0,0.12365227140758435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457277275281427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512987618382167,0.0,0.05133696814169656,0.0,0.0,0.1028844372479671,0.0,0.0,0.07292911764669112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460192423887275,0.06580600194177537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310789700363733,0.0,0.0,0.3374360966666166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707510795592078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443837471330546,0.04136443164305968,0.0,0.0,0.07528543283797398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765762666338905,0.0,0.06306115094561049,0.13440869453204102,0.07765208122983927,0.055755054976162,0.0,0.0,0.11422917114140382,0.0,0.051782370287889234,0.0,0.17412891099281888,0.0,0.05825112017670892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171647038104501,0.0,0.0,0.04157149871334938
suicidewatch,altaltalt278,2019/04/19,"Farewell, fellas I am currently dying. I took 120 metformin pills, and I’ve been vomiting out 1/4 of them over the course of 3 hours. It hurts, but it will all be over soon.",2.4359047619047622,4.1745729714285735,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,76.42857142857143,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,0.8608095238095244,134,4,30,2,3,42,30,35,0.064,0.936,0.0,-0.2617,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,4,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,5,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4932405654370234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680313042611263,0.0,0.5087712440892904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280267644985718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ThrowAwayAwayJW,2019/04/19,"I’m contemplating suicide. Throwaway Account.

I am contemplating suicide. 

I just don’t see the point in life, what is the point if living life when it’s so painful? I’ve suffered from depression all my life, looking back, I suffered with it from a very young age, I have a nephew who is turning 7 soon and it makes my stomach turn when I look at him, how can an innocent child have such thoughts of hopelessness and anxiety at that age. I didn’t have a bad childhood but definitely a lonely one, I had my ass beat a few times by my brother which I think about sometimes but honestly nothing major. I’ve reached out for help and I’m currently on a waiting list for counselling that I referred myself for, 6 months waiting list and I have been put on medication from my MH nurse. 

Socially, I’m relatively normal, you wouldn’t guess it looking at me as I’m often “life of the party”, quite chatty and have a lot of banter at work but when I come home, I am a broken person. I’ve had a lot of people in my life that have just thrown me away, I’ve always been quite disposable of a person, I’ve had things happen to me that shouldn’t have, and I’ve knowingly let people take advantage of me and use me, probably because of my self-esteem. So many people have let me down and done shitty things to me that it’s now apparent I am the problem, you can’t go through life blaming other people, there must be a reason why it always happens to me. Nobody wants me and it’s probably all my fault. I’ve had enough, I’ve been thinking about that a lot, I think the only people who would really care are my mum and dad, I’d leave them my savings and a letter explaining, they’d just be so much better off. 

I have had a lot of heart break lately, stress at work with a grievance I have put in about a member management bullying me, rejection. I’m a mess.

I’m not looking for advice, or pleas to not do it. I just needed a place to rant.",3.6328208846990577,4.601154040609142,4.962324147933284,84.54793147208125,72.04568527918781,7.963596809282088,27.269398114575786,8.306716005460428,1.7213469180565633,1508,52,313,23,28,503,193,394,0.189,0.742,0.069,-0.993,2,2,0,0,0,3,41.0,0,2,2,7,20,17,0,1,24,0,39,11,3,4,3,56,71,24,2,9,11,4,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,3,21,15,0,2,8,0,1,4,7,12,0,1,11,5,43,5,42,51,10,36,0,6,5,1,18,17,1,8,14,213,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299112091006093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133458606174104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497004940094549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797930960767853,0.06530475343069786,0.07091172750711958,0.05177160887548347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511233274714979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865902384300366,0.0,0.0,0.073158359425912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314876936532634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691131443561725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775381544165924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048266808394767984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355828795238301,0.0,0.15020393642222102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064064944350712,0.056925765250014165,0.0,0.08519018308361535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466744677004132,0.0,0.09580301679060868,0.08992699022487634,0.0,0.17369023548634865,0.3599249527647305,0.0,0.0,0.07499339763852894,0.0,0.2852741102176164,0.0,0.0,0.2888126027631111,0.0,0.0,0.05669041522133692,0.0861041415914739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555650163925918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778909689977136,0.0,0.062432199665144635,0.06297338661965134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321187153751915,0.08149116039639745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575497312845968,0.0645919307553729,0.09036988319598596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29439354850069144,0.14831253359452418,0.08873217820198714,0.0,0.16056971662493394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18313451648003412,0.08126507883944709,0.0,0.1707531455737559,0.0,0.1806637702185739,0.0,0.0,0.05440735453453408,0.08732061508189969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767699727057337,0.0,0.0885989195717192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657388294921886,0.0,0.0,0.08399643143233942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728527890119967,0.0,0.0,0.1857959300701247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385564223225879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112845407436704,0.1632562087495784,0.0,0.06742372097548863,0.04952247559472532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847555816418947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335093245148584,0.0,0.07007488467083213,0.050093013808133205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663473712171891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236578797037712,0.0,0.0,0.060330750516568075,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jonblair497,2019/04/19,"Sometime I think of killing myself but I don’t want to tell anyone I’m 20 years old and I just don’t know what I want to do with my life sometimes dying feels like the best option bc all I’m doing is sitting around my moms house but I’m too afraid to kill myself. I dropped out of college and I’m currently enlisting in the Air Force in hopes to change my life and get out of my comfort zone.  Right now I plan on doing 4 years and going to acting school in California, but I’m in constant battle with my mind telling me I won’t make it or I will never amount anything that big bc I’ve heard it many times before or fear of going and figuring out that that’s not what I really want to do I don’t really know what I want want in life all I know is that I want to be different from my family and make a name for myself some how some way. But idk how. My mom tells me I need to get a real job all the time and to be realistic but I don’t want to work for someone the rest of my life like she does. I feel I have no way out. I’m trapped",1.756719066937119,2.4585759396551694,3.7194219066937135,92.70306288032455,76.24137931034483,7.010547667342799,21.405679513184584,7.285733465282438,0.3447623732251519,806,18,200,9,17,275,116,232,0.11,0.765,0.125,-0.3716,3,1,0,0,0,2,7.0,0,0,0,3,6,10,3,2,6,0,15,4,0,4,4,53,43,16,3,9,9,2,2,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,9,14,0,0,7,0,0,3,8,5,0,0,1,3,31,5,31,38,8,30,0,0,0,0,8,14,0,6,11,121,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530435477694401,0.0,0.08862558207543496,0.0958733009675907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164234653415987,0.0,0.11302151966202968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392930973183665,0.0,0.0,0.11638236431203355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177264357939742,0.11252060468054796,0.0,0.0,0.09424650599539856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152729282124856,0.12118924083337812,0.10890983489136533,0.0769388689664799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253463677921127,0.0,0.12241355000249085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696757519499447,0.0,0.12426805703681605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687280827659157,0.0,0.2383018904314655,0.0,0.17756261939737608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304278741905141,0.10523077976367598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377737433145346,0.10918801131329818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087434254228562,0.25226721233093546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985607571917366,0.0830626851638564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301004743702825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258294016331207,0.13798711032110392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919727818218158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899527041708887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125144984088718,0.0,0.21303047997447572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823961809328849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690079882277511,0.0,0.0,0.12559815417833126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446580060045422,0.17096997731051095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840481142088761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870687350793656
suicidewatch,blackdogtattoo,2019/04/19,"Watching the room go dark and not moving Hi

I have a specific request

I don't want to feel like life is suddenly worth it again. I feel now that I'd like to end my life. I don't know whether I'm going to do it now but it's how I feel and it's what I want.

But I also feel like I want a friend. I don't want to talk to them or to hold them or anything. I wish someone was here while I watch the sun going down in my bedroom with no-one else here who would be ok just lying with me while I decide and would let me make that decision.

I'd like to know of you would do that. And if you would, just say something like, I would, in the comments. I've been so sad for so long and I'm so so tired. I keep trying to keep going and I don't  know how much longer I can do that.

So if you would, just say so. In some way I think it will help.",-0.9276329424597768,0.5406856994818661,1.4555167712026176,102.71955549495505,85.78756476683937,4.684919552767929,15.85737660212708,5.399115186594226,-1.1016259067357512,632,11,175,3,19,214,94,193,0.107,0.745,0.14800000000000002,0.7946,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,3,2,0,17,8,0,0,5,1,21,3,0,3,0,47,43,24,0,13,11,0,4,5,1,7,3,2,2,0,11,8,0,3,10,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,2,8,26,7,16,32,2,19,0,1,2,0,14,5,0,5,13,114,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970874205226986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999058531959794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141817994547392,0.0,0.10752866869953699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554377464046004,0.2601949629449171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379709159438936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27598871272490905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137511674552111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582043077397609,0.0,0.0,0.20016280368695968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414469202287233,0.1715036821623218,0.2965614044097282,0.0,0.0,0.10743947832493443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103868497379946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903415009655847,0.08924653913949036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309203072274164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286594161902672,0.09346339045639254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758062556574693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779133044636467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395370240936126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242592888448268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864309213143745,0.0963655247960187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396095943858362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174551641143985,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blusherbruschetta,2019/04/19,"Just a short note I'm out of energy that I spent on pretending everything is great. I don't want to go to school anymore because everybody will see me have a mental breakdown. But I can't stay at home - my mom would think I'm just lazy and want to avoid exams. So I'm kinda screwed.
All I want is to feel alive again, but maybe that's too much to ask for. If nothing comes up until next Friday, I'll end this once and for all.",1.3169565217391297,2.8449817826086985,2.8754347826086963,94.92989130434783,79.0,6.339130434782609,20.195652173913047,7.1686216300943375,0.2089956521739129,332,8,79,4,8,109,68,92,0.103,0.813,0.084,0.0853,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,2,19,20,7,0,5,5,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,2,6,1,13,17,3,12,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,2,4,44,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474242765322027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242900812093675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199643067462133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865238984837565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917838566844194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946057857233692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948552756889132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306062273413802,0.0,0.0,0.2387282588626872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172001284062804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753637670347686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821420869300046,0.0,0.0,0.2536006859062437,0.0,0.0,0.15917657754821754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302851688303428,0.0,0.0,0.20776913326623125,0.0,0.0,0.2306004447620512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914282940621854,0.17254866658629325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23079523388962755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874552293866682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831500991389476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538187416052885,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Majestic_Bluejay,2019/04/19,"suicide is on my mind too often the past couple of months have been difficult. lots of change in my life as i started going to college, i started to finally ""grow up"". its not that things are difficult, you could even say things are going fine, but thoughts of killing myself are too fucking common. i have loving friends and family, i don't really have any troubles in life right now, relationships are going fine i guess; i don't really have anything to complain about, which is why i don't understand how this shit keeps creeping in the back of my head. when i'm alone it comes out. i wish i could die without hurting anyone i know, which is why i would never kill myself, but i really am worried i'm going down a rabbit hole. i'm drinking more often, started smoking every day, no hard drugs but i don't want to become a fucking junkie or die a disappointment to my family. i just want to stop existing, it is too common i don't think i can handle it much longer (or rather i don't want to handle it anymore).",4.367800565770864,5.3478065297029715,5.458925035360682,81.62366336633664,70.33663366336634,8.147666195190949,27.794908062234807,8.418075326091056,1.9276056577086282,797,27,154,12,14,264,114,202,0.251,0.6409999999999999,0.108,-0.9847,0,1,2,0,0,3,24.0,0,1,0,0,13,15,5,0,5,0,24,9,2,1,1,32,48,9,5,8,9,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,11,3,1,2,4,1,0,6,10,11,0,0,2,2,24,4,21,43,3,28,0,2,0,3,6,8,3,6,14,109,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695863100938204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679443992281486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199354220537787,0.07896139742941792,0.0,0.09292955008246746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086834127049511,0.0,0.0,0.12471933625551528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946211518897605,0.09727687409255636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032652831719964,0.12495191520184724,0.0,0.07282876955851272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344014275814937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062576714197124,0.13095982189080968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458741998792863,0.0,0.09514612507699123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291562598570954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370634291415016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724735580618996,0.2087989477912332,0.0,0.0,0.25671675963823626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440215812487974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011606842028491,0.0,0.11589599457980222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089101574733405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037497748548853,0.24987466308258785,0.0,0.062061893588910025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952779052461424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600675649302404,0.10192130184572144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402438621357608,0.0,0.09013749755617838,0.0,0.08301456284429119,0.0,0.08709649945484926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780189072643948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170323699832872,0.0,0.0,0.12124166383300787,0.0,0.09643930154680833,0.0,0.08980432560029676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115918255895066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23979158338937684,0.0,0.0,0.09441228362898578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352414295624164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500477672993777,0.07235925731514747,0.0,0.08965166616162806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756130722357985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998223512132721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379865630133828,0.0,0.12986082775372015,0.1088578923138648,0.0,0.0,0.11468315996958076,0.0,0.08022031751344813,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,an0n0826,2019/04/19,. can someone please tell me a easy / fast way to kill yourself no i don’t want anyone to talk to me i have been depressed for years and i can’t take it anymore i just want to die and i don’t know how.,-1.8284057971014496,0.024704130434782808,0.4826086956521749,105.25768115942031,94.65217391304348,3.066666666666667,16.36231884057971,3.1291,-1.379872463768116,154,4,41,0,6,51,33,46,0.277,0.57,0.153,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,10,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,5,9,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969745507688715,0.2093828364378466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579163806603177,0.0,0.3107824669387659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33129774429936404,0.0,0.1645702297247905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287068579918767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537235390084066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514959953777536,0.2406870657820919,0.26173304115052465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532474689556493,0.23768996428576675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283638173744388
suicidewatch,pyarazindagi,2019/04/19,"Off my chest. (TRIGGER WARNING>> SUICIDE)) TRIGGER WARNING!! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU WILL BE EFFECTED NEGATIVELY. 

​

I wake up every morning with the intention to jump off the university parking structure. Four stories, but if I climb up onto the cement wall, five. Would five stories kill me? What if I jump head first? Who would find me? I wouldn’t want to traumatize anyone with my brain busted everywhere. How would the fall feel? Six seconds between life and death. Would I regret it? What would I think about? Would my heart pound as if I’m at the top of the I\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*, ready to go down the largest drop roller coaster here. A part of me thinks that I would start to smile as I fell. A feeling of freedom, my fate determined by nothing but the ground beneath me and gravity. Speaking of gravity what would the force on me due to gravity be? I'm about 53 kg, I used to be 20 pounds less, but now I’m a fat fuck. A fucking waste of space. Oh, yeah… Back to physics.. 53 kg times the acceleration due to gravity, about 9.8 m/s. So gravity would have a force of 519.4 Newtons, ignoring air resistance of course.

There was a time I liked physics, in fact, I almost majored in it. I would get 40’s on my exams but it didn't matter to me cause I was “passionate”... I can’t help but laugh at myself. That used to be the one quality of myself that I would hold onto… passionate… fucking passionate...Could I have been more of a dumb ass. Oh yeah… Like I was saying ... my kinetic energy would be greatest at the instant right before I hit the ground, and splat.

Maybe it would be easier to just slit my wrists and end this bullshit; but I don’t want \*\*\* ( my roommate and friend) to find me. And then my room would be dirty. My mom hates it when my room is dirty. Of course everything would be in place but there would be a pool of blood, and I bet that would be a bitch to clean up. My mom doesn’t deserve that.

People say I’m negative. I definitely won’t deny that, but why is there always such an accusatory tone. Comments like “Just be positive.”, or “Just focus on the good.” fucking piss me off to the point where I have seriously thought of ramming my head into a wall. People really think I’m making an effort to be negative? Hell no, I’ve tried mediation, volunteering, even Tibetan singing bowls (my mom’s suggestion to “cure” me) and I’m still in the same place. I used to be a super positive person. In fact, one of my acquaintances even told me I inspired her to be more positive. I first realized these thoughts coming into my head only after others starting telling me first. I still remember the time  in middle school where I ran home in tears because I was called ugly. It escalated in high school when I received the name dumb ass piece of shit and I was told no one would ever want someone who looked like me. I used to be positive, but I guess the world just beat me down and all the uncontrollable, horrible things in this world eventually caught up to me.

Anyway.. just wanted to get this off my chest.

Don’t worry, I won’t kill myself.

I still need to repay my mom.",1.7150898646071724,4.235112527960528,3.0040875286041206,89.21919241037382,83.25986842105263,6.4193745232646835,22.95633104500381,7.691010164374798,1.1978380244088491,2419,86,490,44,69,781,287,608,0.203,0.6659999999999999,0.131,-0.9963,0,0,0,0,0,3,127.0,0,1,0,9,28,27,13,1,33,0,54,21,15,11,4,96,96,31,5,29,20,4,2,4,1,22,2,3,4,1,23,15,1,2,14,4,1,10,14,17,0,11,14,6,72,10,75,44,9,80,1,1,1,7,22,48,12,8,25,332,95,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468827881030445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045443428104279655,0.05917451321334729,0.06636228726656407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03818755096384481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041994984385481146,0.0,0.03329233772614111,0.0,0.046472701201485236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060967561056368365,0.05576725186649262,0.0,0.0,0.056103875292955616,0.0,0.04704533744268608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043605031790386765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048372011989466265,0.0,0.0,0.07214438940488033,0.04940171264061539,0.04601485812909758,0.0,0.0490837631642803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055229207961440506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983286367359212,0.13936455039757406,0.0,0.0,0.042194831332459375,0.20195996321119486,0.05706737930273908,0.0,0.031038534844578018,0.04580783876871725,0.0,0.0,0.06016374973166616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392026154916251,0.1681499192112628,0.0,0.0,0.06471814500317913,0.03660677817799034,0.05770294990693079,0.05478254216500878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084514385107452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038575657404327016,0.10672704857756392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586221207038254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0364554335934049,0.0,0.054867351214866335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558541814993186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040495771729688386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240384242524013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102408047141687,0.041536595439083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059141906788247676,0.0,0.07572528383002156,0.047687053432357115,0.11412052698542315,0.05995004225408986,0.05162811578180992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546290258428986,0.0,0.03498728475497253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186729481925026,0.04664026806299,0.0,0.08686288166823611,0.0,0.11054506625013913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056060739155353985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627447378900471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773124894736755,0.0,0.1308450232944304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947824273559095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773525861956053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03628327858481741,0.10498381169981748,0.0,0.1300728336375142,0.09553801890720824,0.0,0.0,0.10437250585434724,0.0,0.03707948836774036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867669510333915,0.0,0.0,0.12885159025531998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049280862720465016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546341831079998,0.0,0.6983350869662733,0.0,0.06636228726656407,0.0
suicidewatch,depressedtjrowaway,2019/04/19,i’m finally getting to the end i’ve been pondering suicide for years. An adderall addiction ruined my brain. I used to slide by on hope of recovering but after long periods of sobriety and trying absolutely everything that hope is dwindling. I’m only 21 and my brain is ruined. I feel absolutely zero pleasure orninterest in life. It’s called anhedonia.Im also ugly. Im getting to the point where i literally have no other choice. Every day is a chore. I don’t even have the brain power to be independent any longer. It’s gonna happen soon....,2.603814102564101,5.3788866250000025,5.376538461538459,71.95179487179489,81.78846153846153,8.466666666666667,26.93589743589744,9.075114841892004,3.0670474358974364,435,19,73,13,12,155,77,104,0.14800000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.103,-0.6036,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,8,5,3,2,0,9,18,4,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,1,6,3,11,15,0,13,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,2,8,43,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369782464597745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475522328731587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459073926394142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5643296112752486,0.17206478889437413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867326530125314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924744814912672,0.0,0.0,0.11129747941123516,0.0,0.1419746640724276,0.0,0.1514434917327856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520235165468645,0.0,0.0,0.18459150558841012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607621397569398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901044485807824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347315315096713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640335901552408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902168612553295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912365385342968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815739141542776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15929386056674147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431963137601173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144053924977442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553620012496254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851317353785007
suicidewatch,Plissbenice,2019/04/19,"Who else is scared of going to hell if they suicide? I am really scared that if i do kill myself, i would go to dantes hell, and wouldnt be able to move really freaks me out, i really hope theres no hell...

What are your thoughts?",0.3875510204081678,2.2995506122449045,2.1993469387755127,96.74922448979594,83.6938775510204,6.3689795918367365,13.881632653061226,7.554174236665415,-0.3919502040816325,176,2,43,3,5,58,37,49,0.436,0.516,0.048,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,1,1,0,1,8,4,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,11,3,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,1,0,8,1,5,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,3,1,3,3,0,28,11,0,0.2472013553184501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20650501218347206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280980453969888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24552672345288665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734916737320061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627359192612185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750905545084006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4949833625977535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703981603148641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962502634635091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560475026485167,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,jppdan,2019/04/19,"I am angry because it took me this long to realize that life is objectively meaningless I'm 18. About to finish up my first year of University. I was homeschooled for most of my life and I never lived in one place for an extended period of time, so I feel like I wasted my entire childhood being ""distracted"" by things like trying to make friends and getting people to like me. During my winter break this year I had a major existential crisis on my 18th birthday and broke down because I just realize that my life has no objective purpose. All I know is that the universe is a weird fucking machine and the only hints we have come from the mathematical constants and physics. I just wish I took mathematics seriously earlier in my life so that i would have the grit and determination to understand higher levels of maths. I'm retaking calc 2 because I failed the first time. I still am getting shitty grades and I'm frustrated because I just want to understand why things are the way they are but I don't have the study skills to do that. I loathe myself for this. I don't even have any real problems in my life beyond this but I can't stop thinking about killing myself so that maybe I could try again in another life.",5.463559322033899,6.559779889830513,6.212500000000002,76.79341101694916,67.89830508474576,9.289830508474578,30.85169491525424,9.516144504307137,2.8253525423728814,978,38,180,20,16,321,134,236,0.151,0.7859999999999999,0.063,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,1,4,12,13,3,1,10,0,21,7,0,1,2,32,38,12,1,5,5,0,1,3,1,1,6,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,7,0,0,3,5,9,0,3,4,1,33,4,26,31,3,31,0,2,0,1,3,10,1,1,19,128,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244804351240831,0.1271317689205696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956295745739581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443839366489613,0.0,0.13101845885066904,0.0,0.0968010800526784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800785428583617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130309693180944,0.0866146009087348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625508029121944,0.0,0.0,0.09367050264421864,0.11208535898002064,0.12668684611528885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413521288252156,0.0,0.0666308877078057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5138166602099614,0.17769669833299798,0.0,0.10705803200483864,0.1072944775521295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809293148229806,0.0,0.1218028892344396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935085402543378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215604530192458,0.0922092505182124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405324983225622,0.0,0.12667104935817552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601127146157555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799881104426326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682322623762793,0.10136291216619543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109427791481898,0.07768634293890365,0.0,0.0,0.14139321444625622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694064436145083,0.16462937300686944,0.0,0.0,0.2524323319002605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151108823391543,0.09623546947757312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940115260552308,0.0,0.13942117668879833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612613407397254,0.0,0.0,0.1561504692436077
suicidewatch,IHateFrank1,2019/04/19,"I really don't know why I shouldn't end it today I'm tired of living because other people want me to. I want to die, why shouldn't I be allowed to?",0.16754901960784352,1.4762849705882353,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,81.64705882352942,5.7098039215686285,17.215686274509807,6.42735559955562,-0.2447725490196073,115,2,27,1,3,42,23,34,0.217,0.701,0.083,-0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,15,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831838421565745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118746749930094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661564676522157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514859224364373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653496581271393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083309462148173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19250991927219308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453839974828774,0.28484171103207306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35448891521397546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423144419706598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,uglygalthrow,2019/04/19,"Has anyone else ever had a dream like this before? I’m still wtf’ing right now. I’ve been crying a lot yesterday, like a lot to the point where I was getting tired. Idk if being sad/crying can put you in physical pain but I ended up having to grip my stomach while I was laying down. I ended up lightly falling asleep/passing out for a couple of minutes. 

I ended up having a really good dream. It was like a single light was shining down on me and I felt warm for the worst time in my life. My grandma and another older lady were saying, “You know you’re doing amazing right?” One of them (I think my grandma) was caressing my hands and the other lady was like, “You’re just fine my baby. Calm down.” And then I faded back to conscious.

I won’t say I feel good now, but after the dream, I felt like someone was hugging and I don’t think anyone has ever done that for me, at least not in a long time.

In the dream I felt hollow but kind of warm at the same time.",1.6232055555555576,3.379987265000004,3.4933333333333323,89.80722222222224,78.85,5.4444444444444455,20.11111111111111,6.139981653823899,0.09957777777777732,743,18,155,5,18,250,112,200,0.069,0.698,0.232,0.9873,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,0,8,16,0,0,13,0,20,6,2,0,2,25,29,11,0,1,6,0,8,5,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,2,0,1,14,14,24,14,24,13,6,39,0,0,1,1,5,18,0,3,24,112,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131642664589046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556501292767535,0.12863352495773914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965347317443188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682775120807704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891081795607366,0.2758059353485986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847396221305654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487497379967577,0.0,0.3335812075894357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22712145972939096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634782564278333,0.0,0.3616225813471373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655909775054687,0.0,0.0,0.21059883660078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307335990252652,0.06899508813779945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886746546969763,0.306669568850346,0.0,0.0,0.11110150547403098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134641482239304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507111013613723,0.0,0.13358648450220026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867860841935995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620527784362384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042598890573849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442588117739445,0.0,0.19967348727674986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637208179021213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025871270612899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088562714871527,0.0,0.0,0.21961520313791486,0.1442930819086882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kcdivisional,2019/04/19,"Everything is an obligation I feel like everything I do is an obligation or a way to keep the people around me happy. From waking up and going to work, to eating healthy and drinking water, to staying alive. Nothing is a choice. The only choice I have is weather or not to kill my self. Everything else I do is just a way to keep the people close to me content. If it weren’t for my wife I would’ve killed myself today. But that feels like an obligation too. I hate feeling like I’m powerless and just being pushed along a conveyor belt that always ends in death. What’s the point of waiting",3.8058945386064025,5.262626067796614,4.823333333333334,83.8340018832392,72.22033898305084,7.956308851224105,26.670433145009408,8.515128840125781,1.8659065913370991,468,16,91,8,9,153,76,118,0.119,0.713,0.168,0.5327,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,11,0,10,4,1,0,0,19,19,7,3,1,7,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,3,3,3,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,3,11,4,14,17,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,5,61,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723787246524262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612713650481328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979888811688905,0.0,0.1564706417065653,0.12774120493143082,0.0,0.13543766720854558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41229153640959904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23195588049041801,0.32772840235885176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869053524967339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278129937483782,0.0,0.15097231103563588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27183648819876605,0.33835649383851985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412023853606933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672646183053772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629906135141906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202458547468586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455449083622424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952412418146686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298748299914262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494593051289112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427542726148571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132424104739286,0.0,0.0,0.1086267212274014,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,WastedGenuis,2019/04/19,"Fuck You! What the fuck did I ever do to deserver this life!

Have I not strived to be the best person I can be every single day of my life?

Have I not given my all to any and every person in need?

Then why do I suffer!",-0.669795918367349,0.9795840612244928,2.440163265306122,95.02269387755103,85.93877551020408,4.736326530612245,13.881632653061226,5.6839178017228535,-0.9815420408163265,165,2,40,1,5,59,33,49,0.21,0.715,0.075,-0.8194,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,2,0,2,0,8,4,0,0,2,6,12,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,5,8,3,4,0,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,3,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292207550063454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668557337068128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399236716711818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300147495943065,0.4284910584852985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470163561980507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592171082343069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18854862101227024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440625665724815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294520714474152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,sadbuttrue42,2019/04/19,I feel like the best part of my life has past I feel like I have nothing left to contribute and all I feel is pain and worry everyday.    I have no friends and no one loves me.    Is it ok to just go.    Please Reddit just say it’s ok.   I have no one else to ask.,-1.0049425287356328,0.6027772413793073,1.4041379310344837,102.21298850574713,86.93103448275862,5.2459770114942526,16.563218390804597,6.42735559955562,-0.6851126436781607,192,4,53,2,6,65,37,58,0.174,0.517,0.309,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,1,2,6,3,0,0,1,9,12,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,4,8,7,4,12,3,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786867341570456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333442218463115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857461790420208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33728285662053964,0.3176959673238244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178824721839034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636750352584492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415855973691352,0.0,0.157053467486872,0.2172594607793525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068094484361176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335229821893945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30134231422710056,0.0,0.23659771410609434,0.0,0.0,0.2407850483926631,0.2122597032724011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24407521855825046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682286809670938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258087807314706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cornflakegirl658,2019/04/19,"I just drove round and round resisting the urge to crash I'm not sure how to write this but I've had an issue with my mental health for a long long time and I've never felt able to seek help. I don't want to annoy people and I don't know how to breach the subject with a doctor or a friend. 

Today it has been really really bad out of the blue. I woke up at 9am and had a beer and then sat on the couch and cried until about 2pm. My dogs came to cuddle me and I felt so guilty that I didn't feel able to walk them (my mum usually walks them and is out til this evening so she asked me to do it). I've got a codeine addiction and whilst I have ordered more online they're not going to come in time with the bank holiday and I am going to run out - I know I need to quit but not when the depression is this bad. I asked my friend if they had a weed dealer and he gave me a number but I don't want weed - I was thinking of buying some heroin. I've never done it before and always said I never would but I'm desperate.


Instead I got in my car and just drove round derbyshire with some sad songs on and drove round at 70mph until I finished a packet of cigarettes. I kept thinking of crashing my car into a wall. I'm home now with a ten can crate of cider to drink but I can't get the thoughts from my head.

We went to the pub quiz last night and my friend asked if I was being okay as I was being quiet. I said yes and she asked me again and I said yes but inside I was screaming. I sent a general text out this morning to her asking if anyone wanted to do something over the weekend as I said I was bored - but I also put in the text that I understood if people already had plans. She has kids and a family so I'm expecting they'll be busy this weekend and that's absolutely fine. I just don't know how to tell anyone how I feel",0.9114852889046432,2.3330763200992592,2.925881602268703,94.59365756823824,79.84367245657569,5.995292449485997,18.462176533144273,6.742157984588678,-0.15149877348458052,1419,28,342,14,35,479,192,403,0.108,0.7909999999999999,0.102,-0.327,0,0,4,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,4,2,17,13,1,0,23,3,31,7,1,4,4,80,75,46,0,10,18,1,8,0,3,2,3,7,2,1,11,32,2,1,11,7,2,15,12,7,0,1,32,16,51,6,48,38,3,53,0,2,5,1,29,15,0,7,22,221,62,2,0.19125823170643425,0.0,0.0,0.10424985166765854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055291073126312,0.07647456939796979,0.07957108507862481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337322025845252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470015717051137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596926346131972,0.0,0.0,0.08137333417389438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937423264893373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237601572694836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504409336741767,0.0,0.0,0.08236521735765978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788045222836464,0.0,0.09786178723770514,0.0,0.09368012715151657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316212912137835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015061965305256,0.0,0.09670590861764183,0.0,0.1836378957341067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216484530697513,0.0,0.04996226608710404,0.0,0.10869646062644588,0.0,0.15296667966760832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814306186599236,0.10164927833291028,0.0,0.0,0.06409818058116301,0.0,0.09592380032229003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981195172646247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766578346647706,0.07795049286844194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925751651463258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637165657195186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090777769303333,0.2212652084819762,0.0,0.0,0.08974144713427648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325943762080352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613367437151403,0.0,0.101713335930438,0.0,0.0,0.12252492067805995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638607520943663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361996539969734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012930996755776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358406227961263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255055220856448,0.0,0.07591883611155746,0.1115242129659786,0.0,0.0906452202098262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532196073259456,0.0,0.1692135905855538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864914846304671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793218016875252,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Clean_Clutter,2019/04/19,"Frustrating It's so frustrating when people say suicide is never an option. Should society do everything it can to stop people from killing themselves impulsively or because of strong emotions? Absolutely. But it is very different when someone has wanted to die for years and that feeling has never changed. 

I'm in so much pain all the time that life isn't worth it. I don't enjoy anything anymore. It's hard to enjoy anything when you're in pain and know it could get worse any minute. But if I ever express the fact that the only thing I want is to die, I get told that I can't.

I can't kill myself because it would hurt the people who love me. But what about me? I'm hurting right now. Obviously I care that it would hurt them, but I can only hope they would understand that the pain I was in was too much for me to bear. Also, the people who truly love me must be hurting already seeing me like this, wouldn't my death be a relief?

If your dog was hurting all the time and it was never going to get better, you would do the right thing and have it put down painlessly. This isn't because you want it dead, but because you love it and don't want it to suffer. The only difference here is that unlike a dog, I can tell you how bad my pain is and tell you that I want to die but I am refused that option. 

I have seen therapists and tried meds and nothing has worked. My pain is never going to go away, so for me this isn't a ""permanent solution to a temporary problem"". Permanent problems require permanent solutions.",4.002080476900147,5.160315140983607,5.021408345752612,83.75422876304026,71.36065573770493,7.906110283159464,27.63412816691505,8.296473431620573,1.8193278688524601,1198,42,238,18,22,393,140,305,0.236,0.622,0.142,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,3,29.0,0,6,2,4,13,29,4,0,14,0,38,9,0,1,10,51,62,25,8,18,9,0,2,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,30,8,0,3,3,0,1,4,12,18,0,0,6,5,31,11,21,46,4,24,0,6,2,3,19,7,0,6,14,171,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240720749223505,0.059718648899283425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078247772720495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405887155830078,0.0,0.0,0.12290454392284865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016088759161918,0.0,0.062351631747273685,0.1820880356493323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604516172108142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613751419264468,0.0,0.07899767496092705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962298779115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250677954054286,0.15604178022114304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840008408777889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675490325013976,0.0,0.0,0.06711428685468282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377586055644823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704592978385113,0.0,0.12732086927418185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668953403080135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417046374196858,0.0,0.0,0.39971287770172903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523663074225384,0.0,0.0410401681691367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274611337310925,0.03648309181905267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021949601863194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294858858309649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979141700651783,0.0,0.23038001439317116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165397039839486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038418419153836,0.3973044992814853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20708470962629225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291036046757252,0.0,0.07507035596780877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275463871538184,0.0,0.05938562960010413,0.0,0.0,0.059507381358779775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632730277328218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062432771114450586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168380477482742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305408401288635,0.0,0.0,0.08670499626382666,0.0992232954437332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708875865943738,0.0,0.0,0.07135645115682966,0.0,0.050700338733367586,0.0,0.0,0.07774071237010086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061615808235523824,0.22023022565359365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054365271084138335,0.0,0.07610157887960617,0.2121917415630872,0.0,0.0,0.04808912006057912
suicidewatch,spongedoodlebob,2019/04/19,"tired of living not even having fun anymore what if i just killed myself today, i mean everything is going wrong anyways. it wouldn’t matter if i were gone",3.1950000000000003,5.739847166666667,4.043333333333333,83.885,77.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,0.4500000000000002,125,3,21,1,3,40,27,30,0.374,0.595,0.031,-0.9202,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277544659937508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182836574912911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970205565621055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878234735905064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656350855204457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29182622405067543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35999741146317976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798463828608465,0.31326319230754546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613358373407184,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ellementall,2019/04/19,"What the fuck is the point. I really just don’t care anymore. I can’t think of a single reason to stay alive. There’s nothing I’m looking forward to, and nothing makes me remotely happy or even comforts me. Everyone seems to have something to fall back on, like gaming or music or going for drives or talking to friends and family. I feel like I’ve got nothing. I suck at every fucking thing I try to do, even “fun” things. No one gives a shit, whether things are good or bad. I won’t be missed. I see no point in even trying to get better. I’d rather just end it.",1.5204895104895115,3.4292358119658144,3.08125874125874,91.91601398601401,79.76923076923076,5.622066822066823,22.602175602175606,6.574015621080383,0.489724786324786,438,14,94,4,11,144,82,117,0.129,0.628,0.243,0.9357,0,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,15,4,0,4,0,8,3,1,2,0,16,24,8,0,1,9,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,1,0,4,5,6,0,1,1,3,9,9,12,21,1,12,0,1,2,2,4,6,4,6,5,58,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450209988216633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203961811546867,0.12165918179657614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886591916595105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485579033159364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129053072172361,0.0,0.0,0.28871411513934225,0.0,0.1227643540737679,0.13922919449540835,0.0,0.0,0.13735950505181702,0.0,0.07367379056531942,0.10409304401614516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257279549244906,0.26940737666543035,0.07612584547287041,0.13977534287905474,0.08280859349604795,0.12221204121024558,0.11653512471364948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551077127176491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237007038101715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235710529452612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726049236134547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194291231933624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873477162143483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754802489325374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933435761485727,0.14981096862674928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610954074642202,0.1326460964544142,0.0,0.0,0.14956604694936593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217229618778232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530417674938107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711369317655003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904035852928342,0.09336310310444597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785085183052845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Oldsoul9981,2019/04/19,Be careful who you talk to I’m a female who had an issue with suicide (still do) and who I thought was a friend came over to help me through it. All was good until he proceeded to force himself on me. He used my fragile mental state to take advantage of me. This happened over a week ago and he hasn’t spoken to me since. Be aware of who you speak to about this because I don’t want what happened to me to happen to someone else.,5.009010989010989,4.219126604395608,5.642065934065938,87.02793406593409,68.67032967032965,8.159120879120879,31.386813186813182,6.742157984588678,1.6085894505494505,335,12,75,2,5,109,60,91,0.048,0.807,0.145,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,8,18,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,11,4,18,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,0,5,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937444753531252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022985124313974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443414109069945,0.2178150170486925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784645446721423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505379264313028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791868170295424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5667499056320527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319496923963446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297932995338296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529373023184914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672099568808172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101215623451986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060910591206993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336819046208093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062685648697753,0.17171163907473588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960224616575334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451195991759467,0.0,0.0,0.12600739822947624,0.0,0.17136502932482198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,hugmeimscared0,2019/04/19,"Is there really any reason not to? In the past 6 months i lost my best friend of 7 years, somehow got severe acne all over my face, lost my job because of said acne, lost my apartment had to move back home. I haven’t even been outside in the daylight in about 4 months because i’m so ashamed of myself but the other night i stupidly decided to cruise a blunt just to get out of the house and got pulled over so now i have to go to court in a month and i have to go out in public, according to my state laws i could be looking at 45 days jail time. Im almost positive my boyfriend of 5 years is cheating on me again, but i’m so fucking hideous i can’t even blame him or get the courage to confront him because if he leaves i’ll have no one. Ive been waiting for things to get better but they just get worse. Im just looking for any reason to keep going at this point i honestly cant think of one good reason to keep going.",2.7420172290021547,3.4210585678391965,3.94754127781766,92.07785175879398,73.87437185929646,6.6907394113424274,25.269562096195266,6.5431188927421005,0.6775079684134968,721,22,167,5,14,236,115,199,0.142,0.74,0.118,-0.2698,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,5,14,14,4,1,7,0,14,2,1,3,1,26,37,10,0,2,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,3,5,1,0,7,5,8,0,2,9,3,20,6,33,26,2,34,0,3,2,1,7,14,1,4,12,102,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272122362902046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310105870045032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655832893612858,0.0,0.20586237824260034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813383349845505,0.09955780649240646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987689221019336,0.0,0.0,0.07259745454531809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870103847836527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869702452167643,0.10406788562592498,0.23524985478585314,0.0,0.2559013889955222,0.09441722705739597,0.18006283540133156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291551536605805,0.0,0.0,0.12988908663644233,0.0,0.0,0.2431868771128137,0.0,0.11170699682868207,0.2001123432309404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919392680015645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905859812626172,0.0,0.3686458755130781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26955362233901026,0.11964264013390508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563803476109783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255883558320962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074594958744194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064137418691228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211434762313965,0.34721790341885866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070785462163078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271705118547036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747855966273824,0.072129433542728,0.0,0.0,0.06563967409828142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471705218709514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498101555418055
suicidewatch,IVotedUKIP,2019/04/19,"My girlfriend broke up with me and i've realised i've nothing to live for im 17 and i have nothing to work for in my life graduation is coming up and so are my final exams and i have no passion in life theres nothing for me to do. my girlfriend broke up with me because of the stress of exams and her parents splitting up leading to her not being in a mental state for a relationship. i was a fucking idiot and forced her to break up with me as she wanted to talk about going on break but i assumed that she wanted to break up that lead me to treating her like shit and it ended. i went out with her yesterday and we kissed again and i felt happy for the first time since but i know she has rebounds and is planning on fucking her best friend who i was always wary about, that really hurt me and she says she still cares for me but im so fucked. i have no friends and the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that i dont want to put my parents through this. theyre addicts and have dealt with it their whole lives. i just dont see the point in living anymore",1.6636725663716805,3.3571149690265507,3.0187699115044246,93.54603097345137,78.51327433628319,5.227964601769912,22.804424778761053,5.6839178017228535,0.1577228318584072,837,26,186,4,20,272,116,226,0.133,0.725,0.142,0.7534,2,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,1,0,1,6,8,18,5,1,8,0,15,9,1,2,1,36,29,19,0,3,5,2,1,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,9,21,0,1,3,0,0,6,5,9,0,1,4,3,37,9,39,24,2,31,0,3,1,5,23,14,4,1,8,136,46,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727461800136675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714526491243007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578452377036505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116965209003424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252181144394148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190342984758414,0.0,0.0,0.10056969642072404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27366001383142186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340575337496166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209820760533556,0.12789380280000245,0.0,0.09930740067046892,0.0,0.0,0.18040135785183173,0.3238001887121355,0.0,0.0,0.0663516555804526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428243371389235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498317680453387,0.0,0.25221984101317424,0.0,0.0,0.10377267061797002,0.0,0.0,0.06416268877629945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649278064636842,0.057038101216734714,0.0,0.30927688755938004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176564338475626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360740177752854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887935557641204,0.0,0.0,0.2592738829792905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036638725944194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736589056939647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747929720066243,0.0,0.0,0.12534569432841292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284420215123668,0.0,0.0,0.09303455030399467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984208902410295,0.09657671923961256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323661660708107,0.0,0.13373660976101304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383914283939752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756344221930835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680778023953365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658633808970048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822832192365583,0.0,0.1303470878964094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499531372373753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwingthisaway9004,2019/04/19,"I've given up So here we are. Posting on Reddit on a throwaway account about how suicidal I feel because I don't feel like I have any other place left. In many ways, I don't have the right to be suicidal - I'm a white, middle class male, I'm a grade A student at a really good school, and I've never been abused or raped or addicted to drugs. But I can't silence this deep sense of emptiness and worthlessness I have, and the perpetual feeling of sheer boredom and 'what's the fucking point?'

​

I don't really know how I got to this point, or what I hope writing this all out to actually achieve, but all of my suicidal thoughts happen when I am bored - I think about what I want to do with my day, I realise I don't have anything of value to do - no job, school's finished for summer, no close friends who want to hang out - and so I just sit on my computer wasting the day away fully aware of how bored I am but lacking the motivation to do anything about it. So then that returns to my question - what is the point? And then I think about whether I want to be feeling this boredom and emptiness, and I think no, and how death and the peace that encompasses it would make me no longer feel so bored. And what a solution that would be

​

I do have some friends I could talk to, but I feel so fucking taken for granted by all of them, and it's something that has followed me for years. I don't feel appreciated or valued by any of them - I'm always the one starting conversations or making plans to hang out. I'm the one kid they don't have to fucking worry about because I'm so dull and boring and not worth their time. Taken for granted. By literally everyone. And it really fucking sucks to feel so insignificant by so many people. My suicide would certainly teach them a fucking lesson about actually being there for friends and making any effort to be there for them.

​

Before I got to this point, I used to think people who committed suicide were weak and defeated and selfish. It's taken me to this point to realise how fucking wrong I am. 

​

If you've read this and thought 'I don't even know where to begin with this utter shit of a human being who wants to commit suicide because he's bored which is the most absurd and disrespectful reason for contemplating suicide and is egotistical and expecting his friends to wait on him hand and food and I don't want to touch this shitshow of a situation and is ungrateful for the fortune he's had in his life', I don't blame you. I just wanted to put this out into the world because it actually stimulated me for 15 minutes and made me feel not as bored, which is a nice but brief respite. Because as soon as I'm done typing, I'm going to be back to feeling so bored and so empty and so tired of everything.",7.180145929339473,5.991574170250901,7.492537122375832,76.83975806451615,64.46594982078852,10.265335381464414,35.699180747567844,9.23628265651192,3.0336879672299037,2209,88,440,32,28,724,227,558,0.229,0.6509999999999999,0.12,-0.9978,2,0,2,0,1,5,59.0,1,1,6,6,32,31,9,0,22,0,45,15,2,13,7,110,101,62,8,14,16,0,12,1,4,3,5,0,0,3,31,37,1,1,22,1,2,6,17,22,0,2,13,13,51,9,74,77,6,52,0,3,1,7,27,28,8,10,16,306,82,12,0.0,0.06567237206810655,0.1622673582358744,0.06042401668249558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612001355707145,0.2402221368836973,0.26940129440841803,0.1130775405907157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122400859653268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207584039216606,0.042620227610095165,0.0,0.16894005704772394,0.0,0.047164611008833235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425424624027818,0.0,0.0,0.07149213887708362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056721445354961424,0.0,0.0,0.06427815429734622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03660925634598386,0.0,0.0,0.05296322907178173,0.04981454782359394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28025744603630304,0.039597325510548516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670229980301096,0.0,0.17129219993049793,0.3074502726745907,0.0,0.0,0.03150065273549997,0.04648984975749272,0.08866066527909447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901424185791396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505188665972744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055003113957892334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060922868013970476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022200167202805,0.0,0.039149991905935384,0.02707901413163808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244671940370625,0.1109946032921587,0.11238931073202474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274900614468848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511804324787019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768527213404654,0.0,0.05790980644803277,0.0,0.2619839104478661,0.0,0.05308410067279967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571981783237415,0.06209134160000247,0.0,0.05544237126439006,0.0,0.10652458108056924,0.056988569657391075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733467269314502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121909188370329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056895400671167225,0.0,0.062302688253210274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042670698771421774,0.0,0.0,0.03923177906467251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243998398918229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455042192574445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206248723894538,0.0,0.08800628387164451,0.03232014624942167,0.06370561022325855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478714530300254,0.0,0.0,0.19615499987552398,0.043995667827173776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628918660242365,0.0,0.1181220439779794,0.060601129961938886,0.26940129440841803,0.03569341020100735
suicidewatch,illbreakmyownheart,2019/04/19,I think this weekend I’m not even at my lowest point anymore. I’m just so tired of constant numbing pain. It never really goes away. I have a lot of pills saved up from over the years. I feel like I should just go now.,-0.5773758865248197,1.5645393829787255,1.2735106382978714,99.88416666666667,91.34042553191489,3.9843971631205686,16.343971631205672,5.46131890053228,-0.8327134751773051,169,4,40,1,6,55,39,47,0.23,0.6659999999999999,0.104,-0.7537,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,7,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,6,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032068802965705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872480149626157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33039082665969804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019350265967739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458875833049607,0.21841708295205292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375619673456585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936663523586238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599248898678417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358016128825389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32532350337014554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890183150634817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586161407213587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959025872301512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513973070968617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968832600736696
suicidewatch,Seraphinavioletcuell,2019/04/19,"I wish people would stop caring so I could die without guilt. I feel guilty for wanting to die. I know I’d hurt so many people. I hope if I really fuck up my life I can scare people away. I’ve already started I got fucking restrained by police cause I was trying to give myself a concussion. I have no friends it’s just my family. I hope one day they’ll let go of hope for me. Then I can die in peace knowing my death has been a quiet blessing. I’m a failed rich kid artist who has nothing to offer the world. All I know how to do is make art and my art is shit and I’m pathetic. Hopefully, other people realize this soon. I’m in so much pain and I only stick around so people don’t feel guilty about my death",0.09372549019607844,2.1637309215686287,2.3422222222222224,94.30000000000004,86.18954248366012,5.168627450980392,18.15032679738562,6.522977012572876,-0.09614771241830056,553,14,125,6,17,187,100,153,0.262,0.536,0.202,-0.9364,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,9,16,3,2,4,0,15,5,1,3,1,27,37,10,5,9,3,0,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,2,6,3,1,1,3,8,0,1,3,3,22,8,15,30,2,12,1,2,0,2,6,6,3,5,5,75,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276277782856333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709955270663553,0.0,0.0,0.11303324812284946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266193927429996,0.12358937088882188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605608201609624,0.0,0.0,0.0775886535068021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745818703865733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341559682342688,0.0,0.12166259515943605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294959807871556,0.2224454609210851,0.0,0.11541031636541575,0.06837376161132715,0.0,0.09622123139789376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779716288842498,0.0,0.0,0.12879211319599845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983542542392075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302299603308962,0.08497703955972732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030646866659216,0.12197334455537695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844016165025942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543869088675192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152375801329123,0.09149959200455328,0.1280161058081397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417031806629271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770723321588099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044921259704015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349434771830252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515456272857448,0.0,0.0,0.10058280547208652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168117828437804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096072639601933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834816693689675,0.1159725385918454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546329228802754,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,soijapoika,2019/04/19,"Everytime i dont have a distraction i start to think about Life and death and feel like i should just remove myself from this cycle. Don't be concerned im not suicidal per say but i have these impulsive thoughts every now and then to just end myself because i sometimes reach a point of weird ""clarity"" about life and is there any reason to continue it. It's just that im not sure why we humans are on this ball of dirt and Water and sometimes feel like we dont deserve it.",9.049432989690722,5.8923357731958745,8.708737113402062,75.81712628865981,62.4020618556701,12.174226804123714,36.62113402061856,10.125756701596842,3.351558762886598,378,12,78,6,4,122,64,97,0.106,0.789,0.106,-0.2514,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,21,14,8,2,1,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,8,1,0,5,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,3,9,3,9,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253301586564819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234742483406003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4319958989699581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323488683078186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528049899750726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637499538581687,0.26332757483143593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981507397849714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603527458063797,0.18007910959064316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422284685543907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949085130756432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465625686812223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645543560127929,0.0,0.13044832074164756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159402751256186,0.0,0.17370034540232884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809184634574545,0.0,0.14631342523167065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630186999147736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SweetPinkHole,2019/04/19,"I dont have much left Tbh the only thing keeping me going is that someone has to feed/change litter for the cat, and i just got a new job that doesnt pay me till the 26th

Its been months and i cant dig myself out of the depression. Its getting really bad. I cant find motivation to even put clean clothes on or shower. My boyfriend has been supporting me for the past 4 months, and i spent almost all of my paycheck (more than half that i was earning at my old job) before that on making sure we had a place to sleep for almost 3 months. 

Ive lost interest in most things
Sometimes i dont even feel like i can listen to music, talk, or clean myself.
I just kind of scroll through social media anymore and think about how to leave my affairs in an order that wont be too detrimental for anyone that i leave behind
I dont know, i guess i should get those affairs in order sooner rather than later",4.851642228739003,4.704330537634412,5.4690615835777106,85.96904692082113,68.89247311827957,8.053958944281527,26.048875855327463,7.348242739294969,1.10714623655914,704,17,151,6,11,228,118,186,0.09,0.826,0.084,-0.0462,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,3,8,8,0,0,8,0,19,1,1,3,2,26,33,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,11,6,0,1,5,0,2,2,7,3,0,1,7,2,24,5,25,23,4,21,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,6,9,104,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534390814566905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255016101010394,0.0884853029744081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566229287668448,0.0,0.0,0.10768302606642308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338710028011989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899560571940876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449399354645013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671675190807205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398647040931665,0.09040591545034599,0.0,0.0,0.11566257806535153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322322123337842,0.0,0.07192014387632492,0.0,0.10121199482093768,0.0,0.13940688755147526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511587237707902,0.11248167564146816,0.0,0.13178026676022125,0.06954747048757573,0.0,0.0,0.2679921167540484,0.13749477070014735,0.0,0.0,0.06182495990572483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814208934352842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447177169412985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030282153153204,0.0,0.09302733973434564,0.0,0.0,0.12222084557108245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279083681464993,0.0,0.0,0.09624545536927596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080438382146995,0.0,0.0,0.13221572411732888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272156913355262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106988831849236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663939000214894,0.12899974795753974,0.10722370850851584,0.0,0.1251592063909191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436051690940854,0.11926999100030565,0.0,0.0,0.10171448768233493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814573427461174,0.08108684768727982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,pieceofgarbage94,2019/04/19,"Life is cool Life is cool. 

The ability for some forms of matter to come together and self-replicate in our universe is incredible.

Of most interest to me is the tendency of life to be in constant competition with itself. In this sense, the most reasonable thing that a lesser member of a species can do is remove themselves from the living. 

I am defective, incompetant, unable to contribute to the survival of the species. I'm better off as food or rotting fertilizer. 

Humans have a knack of turning instincts into abstract concepts (religion, civilization, family etc). Plenty will disagree with my reasoning. But at the end of the day we are all part of the same system and no one can escape it.

Bought a helium tank yesterday. Once I muster up the courage I'm gonna get the rest of the materials and go deep into the woods out of state. By the time they find me I'll have been picked clean by the beasts.",5.033589743589744,6.775908175438602,5.894385964912281,76.23121457489883,69.58479532163743,9.472064777327935,30.69770580296896,9.851270322608157,3.188884480431849,722,30,128,18,13,237,117,171,0.043,0.8340000000000001,0.123,0.902,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,19,2,15,4,0,3,1,22,23,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,5,10,1,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,2,2,8,5,31,18,9,20,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,4,5,94,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965167582788874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497821450875975,0.0,0.21951099775565747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100182526520554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17991258539540972,0.0,0.2265432641797701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914925640011141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856568279075797,0.0,0.24562518941519745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612686272313944,0.0,0.11544326607687093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304294552675251,0.0,0.0,0.17936721000454076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21632645691728072,0.13764591366808288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21996962536528505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177022403655961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190853479655336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495031916881886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844653742398545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209467383489178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,PanicCr0ss,2019/04/19,"The worst thing about this sub Reddit is that there is 129,450 members. The best thing about this sub is that there is 129,450 members. You’re not alone. Never alone. Remember that.",2.0154545454545456,4.655399484848483,0.5004545454545486,101.27068181818184,99.6060606060606,3.412121212121213,20.651515151515152,5.46131890053228,-0.17843030303030272,145,5,28,1,6,39,19,33,0.103,0.7040000000000001,0.193,0.3777,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6891051783367609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491235282566301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565806741724217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768576943519963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420310521400346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,let_gu,2019/04/19,help I cant take this pain. Its too much! intrusive thought OCD,-1.1479487179487151,-0.013826307692308859,-0.2846153846153854,104.82128205128204,119.76923076923076,4.810256410256411,19.71794871794872,6.42735559955562,0.3149179487179494,50,2,12,1,3,15,13,13,0.263,0.5670000000000001,0.17,-0.3542,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680025122683683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035994285242901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5842054806547121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128014206005864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358676356213783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Murloop,2019/04/19,"Anyone else read ways to kill yourself to give you a sense of calmness? Sitting at my desk at work. Haven’t done anything productive yet I’m just sitting with my head down and reading through ways to commit suicide. 
Other than that first sip of beer I take after getting home and looking up how to die, nothing really makes me feel anymore. 
anyone else?",4.047810945273632,6.385377388059702,4.087388059701496,85.64710199004975,73.6268656716418,5.6606965174129344,30.56965174129353,6.42735559955562,1.6947532338308462,283,13,49,2,6,87,55,67,0.17600000000000002,0.76,0.064,-0.89,0,0,1,0,0,2,6.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,1,8,9,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,5,1,14,8,0,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,30,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182644238620514,0.25754778409384593,0.37740183833431395,0.1515538002095995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113633442218084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846684615550371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30769589747512666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931204002921943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15665240909754902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621968882855844,0.1766698276279991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900853810282214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473457953593203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037535677976135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465394865923904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293294415568977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767132632752736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684338010144922,0.0,0.11798213596670425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014488746156554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847071096437194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29236648354086164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134075814762362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,lorgnit,2019/04/19,"I wish I didn't actually have people that cared about me. I have a great girlfriend and a great friends group but I wish I never met any of them. I wish I could just kill myself and not have anyone give a shit. I don't even get why they give a fuck about me, I'm not a great person at all. I wish I could just go back a couple years to the time no one actually gave a shit about me, or that u had the balls then to kill myself. I love my girlfriend and I would never do something like that to her, but I wish I could.",3.0440248447204965,2.6964993652173916,4.361490683229814,93.05391304347826,72.73913043478261,7.267080745341616,21.645962732919244,6.18269132825596,-0.015273291925466115,397,6,102,2,7,132,62,115,0.234,0.508,0.258,-0.1444,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,2,0,7,12,5,0,9,0,11,4,2,0,3,22,26,7,2,9,7,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,23,7,8,18,1,8,0,0,0,2,13,1,3,1,7,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.2176256218800176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582723463071983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796689989103217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574047460148024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368679535288975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670830463753887,0.12337817947616052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364801151762079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614849885324051,0.10308459063394733,0.05825676872225701,0.21393154381664514,0.06337087029442434,0.0,0.0,0.3688040217548248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24672755898576976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447571853973154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063763049371373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719990849940466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755586846946044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730353838591453,0.09736187912597556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289165933516404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584200905046112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501947159846427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061593355143368,0.0,0.6411263279814214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920996421559827,0.0,0.0,0.07180557454495612
suicidewatch,missdere,2019/04/19,"I had this idea last week to kill myself on my birthday. I’m having another anxiety attack. I don’t why but I seem to be having this more often.

I had this idea last week to kill myself on my birthday (this coming Sunday). I’ve reached the point wherein I’m 50% sure I’m gonna do it. I’m glad that there’s the remaining 50% to talk me out of it.

I have no one to talk to. I don’t want to become a burden to my friends. I’m sure they’re tired of hearing my rants. I need to pretend to be strong for someone special to me who is also not okay. I need to keep this facade that I’m okay.

But reality is slowly creeping back to me and I’m not sure I can handle it this time.",-0.6161506622516555,1.156855841059606,2.3131415562913915,95.28772557947022,86.61589403973507,4.834602649006623,18.709023178807946,5.985473137389443,-0.2889043046357616,516,14,125,4,16,182,80,151,0.19,0.643,0.16699999999999998,-0.4211,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,13,3,0,3,2,13,1,0,0,3,18,28,4,2,3,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,12,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,2,1,18,9,19,23,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225899798222993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607432046215429,0.1172702780906755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439522660901258,0.0,0.11787441545872494,0.0,0.0,0.16930231646293512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205009436870524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843535963815448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727746395521318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461028586657656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625566582869528,0.33919647550567217,0.0,0.0,0.2499118183497551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273326441734448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387667939329136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449133523459576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395540376291858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298863811561464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334362538018025,0.0,0.0,0.24642547623057925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938756455136103,0.17619008596587846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041738022126762,0.0,0.2459280523334635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832492073707744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,2357111317192329318,2019/04/19,"I wrote a suicide note today I've had suicidal thoughts for years, probably two decades or so, but this is the first time I've reached this point. I think I've been on a downward spiral for a while and I can't imagine anything improving any time soon.",5.632941176470588,5.632298176470593,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705886,67.23529411764707,9.15294117647059,36.607843137254896,8.841846274778883,2.955831372549018,201,10,42,3,3,63,39,51,0.18,0.7859999999999999,0.034,-0.7844,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,7,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,0,3,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,7,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859553442799869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250260109551966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325963893811367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584985913665166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29482529791875944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.598219729277408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521568774258212,0.0,0.21708871714040787,0.31890173194043786,0.0,0.2591985807230423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712086915928474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760928036048942
suicidewatch,jaidk,2019/04/19,"[25/F] Struggling and Scared Hi. I'm not entirely sure how to put everything into words.. I just, don't have anyone. My partner of 3 years left me, 10 days ago. Just ""didn't want to do it anymore."" He was my entire future, we had planned half a wedding, chosen kids names etc. He told me he loved when I went to work that day and then as I stepped foot in the house that night he said he couldn't do it anymore. We have to live together for another 10 months (separate rooms at least) 

I'm just really struggling because I don't see a point in anything anymore. The pain I feel so strongly and physically, it makes me sick. I can't eat properly, I can't sleep properly. I have a promotion at work and it is meaningless to me now. I have time off soon as well and what do I do with all that time now? I tried to talk to him about how I was feeling and struggling (he's doing really well, he's happy now) but he just gets mad at me. I write pro and cons lists every single day of why I should end it and the pros always win. Today would be the perfect day. He's out, he's drunk with all his friends. Our other housemate is with him. No one can get to me. No one would be home for days. The pain scares me... but it scares me more to keep going.",0.1356994886587124,2.1980826197718635,2.0799763996328835,96.30300380228137,85.92015209125475,5.4526812639307725,19.335125213058873,6.8039241337230125,0.07064662383637055,951,27,224,12,29,315,146,263,0.149,0.758,0.093,-0.9035,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,3,0,0,7,15,18,1,6,8,0,26,8,2,3,4,40,41,17,0,5,7,0,2,0,2,3,3,1,2,2,11,15,2,1,2,1,0,4,9,9,2,3,7,4,30,9,27,28,6,35,0,0,1,1,27,11,0,0,20,139,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543389134897894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958155408197661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289065713047015,0.0,0.0,0.3203086919575751,0.07527821523666559,0.0,0.08859481848972704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562839726100843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471582297633391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016282322786587,0.0,0.0,0.09535460216920362,0.0,0.1200691034620968,0.0,0.0,0.0907080005629689,0.0,0.09675766041149124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088720302647366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317767216669597,0.0,0.11249557391651864,0.0,0.061185528992761626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146058283665884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799152855373452,0.0,0.0,0.12422492128601045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569295130930623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697265641589345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506555038711237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716714682515136,0.0,0.07186373326712021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593300223686827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103140219729892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459060944423676,0.0,0.229115174267866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177328249633527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822780588327433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793921243207974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240909624973248,0.0,0.3233586371072468,0.0,0.08579089888799395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773752179815684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376481048986684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146806025394904,0.0,0.0,0.08653284601006021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555455672610202,0.0,0.10204887476997017,0.10287352503872944,0.0,0.07309391767109971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635005224216271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359812745319224,0.09980168649851516,0.09714619810084377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675519130903773,0.0,0.0,0.15295682509998654,0.0,0.0,0.06932936288787052
suicidewatch,superboy0128,2019/04/19,"I need some help I’ve felt alone for about 4 years. When I was in 3rd grade I was diagnosed with an unspecified mood disorder and they gave me medicine that made me gain a lot of wait. I am 5’7 and 230IBS. I know, I’m huge. From 4th to 5th grade I had good friends. Then we moved in 6th grade. 6th grade was the worst. I got constantly bullied about my weight, and on top of it I have turrets so that’s just a whole other level of bullying. 7th grade was a new school, looking good, had a kind of friend. Got in trouble with the police for reasons I will not discuss. Didn’t go to school from September to January. Tried a new Christian school, made a couple friends. And they all turned on me because of my court case cuz I told 1 friend. 8th grade we move back to the place where I lived from 1st-5th grade. I like it there but actually didn’t have a best friend. I considered some of my friends as best friends, but I don’t think anyone has actually considered me a best friend. Ended up not going to school for the last 3 months cuz of my separation anxiety. Through all of this my sister was about 8 and was getting most of the attention from my parents. They were also very mad at me all the time. When I didn’t want to go to school my parents would threaten me with going to an impatient program, I am deathly afraid of hospitals. After 8th grade I got off probation and we moved to another state. At this point me and my parents were on good terms. Until after 2 days of my freshmen year, I didn’t go to school. We ended up enrolling me in online school, the only problem is reading and comprehending it is very hard.(usually takes about 10 minutes to read a page of a book and understand it). I have just recently found out that due to the lack of me doing school work I will be held back. The thing is I want to try an actual high school but I did not know I would be held back. I think about my future all the time. I think about what it would be like to have a wife and kids and live a happy life. But in reality I know I’m gonna be a person that lives in my parents basement. I’ve never had a girlfriend and don’t think I will ever have one. What I’m trying to say is that I am completely worthless. No good will come from me and if anything I’m just a waste of space. I’m reaching out here because I really want to have a life like that but just don’t think it will ever be possible. The only thing from keeping me not commiting suicide is my family. I love them and can’t even comprehend how hard it would be a parent to lose a kid.",2.4482138303952183,3.9242060207939495,3.7069617971600657,90.39728887325803,75.74858223062381,7.1893612344485,24.211588341319732,7.9007802657071995,1.0793590451488102,1991,63,444,30,43,650,231,529,0.08800000000000001,0.748,0.16399999999999998,0.9918,5,1,0,0,0,1,48.0,4,0,4,7,24,29,1,1,32,0,51,5,0,6,8,82,94,30,2,11,14,7,3,3,9,10,3,1,0,3,20,24,1,4,13,3,0,9,14,7,0,1,27,5,61,21,70,51,16,62,1,2,1,1,33,24,0,5,31,296,81,22,0.0,0.0,0.16232980264745028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742813243130111,0.0,0.04434230665742064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058142798316444665,0.04241810497428465,0.0,0.0,0.0387710214235789,0.0,0.04562955690280841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790988671940914,0.0,0.06760202771019923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745699743310313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776414668740613,0.05813690869939181,0.05992034794580221,0.0,0.0,0.061352933698247326,0.0,0.03575982539227463,0.0,0.0,0.056279264964609214,0.0,0.0,0.06354901591386583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822218318848637,0.0,0.0,0.036623344474955764,0.10031305023797972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227210108512584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323944907875068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079663933215124,0.34271623463970285,0.0,0.02896965803893535,0.0,0.1575638747500442,0.1860309607129592,0.13304217607733115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059026173945523834,0.09934229084429402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037166095891585496,0.058584597613066385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928535371932581,0.0,0.05774129006760807,0.09141946891483388,0.045198092464987384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833011554303773,0.08126830437739589,0.0,0.1468866582097642,0.0,0.04656294425366562,0.062032913891154326,0.0,0.04714050325827418,0.05004461807950868,0.1049338043444848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044258624626574636,0.17679958398493664,0.0,0.04111450966789183,0.04276545699816375,0.10710540310665786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037573475245601035,0.08434247240185294,0.0,0.0,0.3078461062224176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841566750388752,0.057932091544847276,0.0,0.052416945641020785,0.06251007976304586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305691894556295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092741366470807,0.0,0.03552185810690492,0.05701050023996476,0.054748903474681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044095033081088524,0.0,0.5050534167956522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065187989063396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041690522946853416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367530704765593,0.1776464454081865,0.0,0.0,0.06466516764978597,0.0,0.0,0.05298361060575443,0.0,0.1129380859675007,0.060312264873827084,0.0,0.05772405389638195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150197179886986,0.09811524253639076,0.0,0.0,0.06752158061354056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190649517837628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040367315174734165,0.0,0.0,0.15755666693717618,0.0,0.0,0.07141429178037903
suicidewatch,thisistheandrew,2019/04/19,"Everything I do is wrong. So maybe suicide is right. I’m going no where in life. My life is kinda just falling apart and I don’t see it going anywhere. I just see it getting worse. Right now I’m living with my girl friend across the country. I don’t talk to my parents, because they kicked me out. I don’t have any friends or family here. I can just see my relationship going to shit and my girlfriend breaking up with me because I’m a shit person. So then what. I’ve got nothing. I have no friends or family, no drive to push me. Just a depressed piece of shit.",-0.1414423076923086,2.164822136752136,1.7849519230769246,95.28973557692308,92.58974358974359,4.292521367521369,20.98771367521368,5.985473137389443,0.12773547008547004,438,16,95,4,16,144,67,117,0.255,0.672,0.073,-0.9705,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,0,10,8,3,0,3,0,10,5,3,0,0,12,21,7,1,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,5,0,0,1,3,16,3,10,20,1,17,0,1,3,0,10,8,3,3,2,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995098358856497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919446901180336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659308035812047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209554326997702,0.0,0.27711806037046544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34066759405088465,0.0,0.07679063284898087,0.0,0.2505952187616112,0.0,0.1175527959040562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076316929802708,0.0,0.0,0.12978543994593725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766049095002542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103062985264211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320315058701887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833668048247332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578007934455041,0.0,0.2510390870976063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513704862653955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526165059955345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077152978549014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813641685613385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497844926456694,0.0,0.1606988226299884,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ffmd12,2019/04/19,please help i need support I wanna die I self harm. I have cut my skin so many times I have scars. I cant tell my family and I cant tell anyone. I wanna kill myelf and I have been close to suicide before please help me. I wanna die and I need a reason to live,-0.6270621468926549,1.022359881355932,2.0450000000000017,97.91518361581923,85.77966101694916,4.611299435028251,13.223163841807908,5.46131890053228,-1.2344259887005649,199,2,50,1,6,69,34,59,0.326,0.491,0.183,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,6,1,1,1,0,10,9,4,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,14,1,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,30,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638781449663687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659784403725388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048750334150121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838816044658516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614840881619397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580076027897654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223817820939724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775634857194566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28926336793873364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4282262169552402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055023689316653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348613316479103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133597991402232,0.22134743855515748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34097539293460444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373882562259838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,brokenhalo6054,2019/04/19,"All I feel is pain; I don't want to go back to taking opiates I'm so tired.  I can't enjoy a single moment of my waking consciousness anymore.  I can't even leave my room.  Every outcome of life, every possible path I could take, any level of improvement I could have upon myself, sounds trite and boring to me.  Almost depersonalized, I can't feel anything when I think of getting better.  Except it's worse than nothing.  It's a constant nagging discomfort that won't go away, takes over your body like a plague.  It's not like an excruciating pain, but I just don't feel okay, at all, and it's frightening.  As the days go on, coupled with psychic pain, it almost feels like a curse.  I can't cope, and I'm not even doing anything in life.  How am I supposed to get better when everything feels so hollow?  I think there's only one way out, then I end up in Hell.  Only it's worse than that, because at least in Hell, you get to exist in one way or another.  But in reality, there is nothing.  Just an endless void.

​

Whenever I interact with someone I feel an overwhelming sense of shame.  When I'm alone, I think about this, how much of a fucking loser I am, because I hate myself.  Sometimes I think I'm the person I hate most in this world, and I try to hurt myself in elaborate ways because of it.  I can't bear the shame any longer, so I don't contact friends.  I even feel a great sense of shame for typing this out.  It's been at least a year since I've seen some of my best friends, and one of them is dead.  Sometimes, I feel him calling to me.

​

I literally can't even leave my bed.  I hope this is just the drug withdrawals, but they should have been long gone by now.  I hope this isn't permanent.  Sorry if this comes off stupid or pretentious in any way.  I'm just not having a good time right now, it wasn't as bad yesterday.",3.2724772036474192,4.451914606382979,4.459908814589666,87.00500000000002,73.14893617021276,7.286322188449849,25.662613981762924,7.7094869923839395,1.2395124620060791,1436,46,304,18,28,472,181,376,0.249,0.644,0.107,-0.9966,0,1,1,0,1,2,60.0,0,2,2,4,22,34,7,5,15,1,27,10,2,2,2,51,62,22,1,7,14,0,8,3,2,2,7,1,2,1,17,10,0,0,13,0,0,5,15,20,0,3,5,10,42,14,46,53,9,47,2,3,1,1,11,23,3,9,18,195,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535129980126702,0.0803396431194536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680952069215355,0.18851329405348324,0.15825179835925982,0.08133943189424557,0.0,0.0,0.07692909137882926,0.0,0.0,0.12766782279245273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288003745110372,0.05964692573382975,0.06476812669943396,0.14185876896360458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140545317752658,0.13720960566273058,0.0,0.08616333757975984,0.0,0.0,0.07920815257191703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682011648841113,0.0,0.08382615219671298,0.0,0.12386746326409835,0.08583028193621191,0.0,0.05002655472848761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899571520536255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870443813592954,0.0,0.0,0.20493833251349536,0.0,0.13071298230690126,0.0,0.06971536289483424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31377580097428937,0.05541638011868647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986155050024512,0.07171267654423674,0.12158215266314967,0.0,0.13225530690289988,0.06506245441085477,0.0,0.08552174920185629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316961695470924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409001684083887,0.0,0.0,0.08304082373117014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642719166868069,0.0,0.0,0.10958067521630252,0.11369108299688427,0.0,0.0,0.06864745077945697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702324227865505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886197211618765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769133336872576,0.11799172018493083,0.24762144078620904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677315678566691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744908265194483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624478246790047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416711851910975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572523223556836,0.0,0.1534384143374273,0.08683382304981375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749700848632164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988161748788368,0.0,0.0,0.045231981881512666,0.0891558777343311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052665277086843085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045753090202969936,0.246287406581198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810193140989667,0.0,0.0,0.18851329405348324,0.049952858227869344
suicidewatch,need2dieasap,2019/04/19,"Going Sunday. How do I prepare? I'm going to clean my apartment, that much is sure.  But I'm not sure what else I can do to ""prepare.""  Any thoughts?  I'm not leaving  a letter.  I'm hanging myself, so there won't be any blood or gory bits for first responders/landlord/whoever else.  But is there anything else I can do?",-0.13827350427350282,2.1745517538461563,1.9312820512820537,94.07982905982908,93.0,4.11965811965812,22.606837606837612,5.82211442006289,0.3576324786324787,244,10,51,2,9,81,42,65,0.0,0.867,0.133,0.7808,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,1,1,2,9,16,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,3,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218258200300145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472196613693435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583328868322464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930087207885485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127284870043136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689585397362814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25055139109201363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17394638067970375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460319582920284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878535803407256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,killbot-factory,2019/04/19,"Help? I've been seeing psychologists, psychiatrists and been on a bunch of different meds since I was about 15 (I'm now 22). I've been hospitalized twice. I've attempted suicide a few times. Nothing gets better, in fact it just seems to get worse. What the fuck do I do when all the 'classic' treatment options just don't work at all (and sometimes seem to make things worse)? I'm at the end of my rope.",2.1156250000000014,4.392381312500003,3.207500000000003,89.87750000000004,79.625,6.5,23.75,7.6454224807358475,1.0511250000000008,315,11,67,5,8,101,57,80,0.17,0.797,0.033,-0.9035,1,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,3,11,16,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,3,1,9,12,4,8,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,3,4,38,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811590189605569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340395361020827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840362720696367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709077214119065,0.2340687224530717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014710515774324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952634713456195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488211703916461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494066484176716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850449934781604,0.4078549425968162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530082491065056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215485548197088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450271939920279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882023265346406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062022650264055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307969322784885,0.0,0.4565643430208904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,L0newo7f,2019/04/19,"Luck never has been on my side while I had to watch my life fall apart. Now I'm 21, nobody loves me and I got nobody to love. I don't know if life is worth it anymore... Hi. I just found this subreddit and I hope someone will say the magical words that I need to hear. What those words are I have no idea, either they convince me to live or convince me to kill myself. I've never really been happy in my life, I spent most of my days taking care of others. My parents mentally and physically neglected me. 

They forced me to behave autistic for some government people so we could get disability benefits because we were poor. I'm smart and I could've went to college but alas. My parent's greed made them do horrible things to me. I haven't seen them in years now, nor have I seen anyone who gave a shit.

 I keep trying to rebuild my life and go to school and get a job but my past haunts me. The fake mental diagnoses follow me everywhere I go and they make sure I'll never be happy or succesfull. I'm tired of this bullshit. I worked my ass off to get a professional to ""undiagnose"" me last year. To get a clean slate and start anew. 

But I'm afraid it's too late. I'm 21 and I haven't even finished high school because of my bitch ass parents. I can't hold a job longer than a month because I hate practical work and I don't have any job experience whatsoever. I'm tired of trying and getting fired. I'm tired of living and not feeling alive. Killing myself won't do either, because I have 1 single friend, a girl that is just so incredibly emotionally invested in me that I can't possibly kill myself and hurt her.

I play music to cope with my feelings. Music has always been an escape for me when things get dark. I own a 300.- budget Jackson Electric guitar and a shitty 40 dollar amp. The sound isn't amazing because of the poor quality but I'm good enough to offset that balance with quality guitar playing. Got a game pc too, with fucking 12 year old parts. Financial stability would solve any problem I have but it's almost impossible for me to earn money honestly.

I already spend 5 years making money as a dealer and a burglar and I'm happy I left that path behind me, life had treated me horribly and I didn't see a choice back then. I'm thinking of becoming an Elektrician because in my country those are in short supply and high demand. I need to get better at math and earn more money to be able to study Elektro-technical engineering. So I'll probably go back to fork lift driving until I can afford to study.

This is my last stand. I have made countless plans like these to try and be succesfull in life, with varying degrees of succes. In the end however every single plan I made didn't last. Everything I do eventually ends up in shambles with the feeling of failure urging me to kill myself. I've been taking care of myself since I was 15. 6 fucking years of trying and failing sure gets you down. 

Maybe it truly is better to kill myself. I don't have much to live for, but I can think of plenty of reasons to die for. My love goes unanswered and my feelings have long since gone dark. But even with all this suffering and failure I still find myself trying again. When there is actually 1 thing I haven't tried yet that would guarantee my release from this hell. Life is funny no?",2.5587521668069897,4.645883581570999,4.07871279282849,85.1496634639196,77.23262839879155,6.818324996285473,24.14551037591005,7.81261533590308,1.3329903620424943,2609,88,512,41,61,866,316,662,0.224,0.665,0.111,-0.9985,9,0,0,0,0,5,62.0,2,1,5,9,19,45,12,1,21,0,50,19,3,6,6,84,110,43,6,8,15,3,5,1,1,4,11,3,1,1,24,31,0,3,11,5,12,8,19,19,0,0,22,12,83,26,69,80,12,61,1,4,4,7,23,19,7,8,34,320,107,15,0.05765937492636802,0.0,0.056267232463307996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773753510930569,0.0,0.06362855402243299,0.0,0.04797721893495901,0.06247390864288736,0.0,0.07842070434829201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057182606390730875,0.0403167755957598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867300043513525,0.0,0.21089171868086812,0.06368024953915491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199006296593964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757515106665717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207263818533153,0.0,0.0,0.03718552678643373,0.0,0.0,0.05852305182995634,0.05984132793227396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485903605246927,0.10213818395115867,0.05957754762140501,0.0,0.07616694668069972,0.0,0.04858051020391405,0.0,0.05182052828586182,0.05640193264458927,0.0,0.0,0.11661724973256896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269962409504898,0.0,0.0,0.06322052850121752,0.044547490037848254,0.10661032601727563,0.240997148768714,0.0,0.09830745459441467,0.048361948057723175,0.09223093882551617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413843034251665,0.0,0.05692669548252665,0.0,0.0,0.06498630609774324,0.0,0.0,0.1218405906581274,0.0,0.057268769355149476,0.0,0.0,0.06172555339823424,0.06509041596863192,0.0,0.0,0.17165409788074648,0.05125030172280368,0.31895777704453177,0.0,0.03168808453660689,0.14100025877773914,0.0650422863825376,0.0,0.06264707956655298,0.0,0.2850856519055506,0.028169458101498106,0.0,0.15274285328610462,0.05102673237512114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611951113003278,0.16367608410207204,0.0769761609914693,0.0,0.05792659206027252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621417659212654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602316296370263,0.0,0.04238627494358999,0.08550739181723009,0.1334113935927815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605038146343671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207173698626745,0.06243948418018835,0.05504239766148372,0.039973750581579766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500228174920053,0.0,0.0,0.062166558353043376,0.05517223473585808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693807203050749,0.059283440579639475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04585304921929877,0.0,0.11670873142519365,0.04594705663187794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059186519774434634,0.095392861549263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048854601263367714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04081160234405735,0.0,0.04604685129784845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868655699485737,0.0,0.08670534829376225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491897990270387,0.07389159853859864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988129083234716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488158428538225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053450818221301315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395342333247388,0.0,0.0,0.08191913123881323,0.0,0.0,0.18565373507858174
suicidewatch,berryexcited,2019/04/19,"Intrusive suicidal thoughts For the past few months, I have been having very vivid and intrusive suicidal thoughts. I've felt suicidal before, but it used to come in waves. Now it just feels like torture. Every day that I wake up and have to get out of bed, it feels like a punch in the face. I'm in my last semester of undergrad and these thoughts are really affecting my grades. I just want to graduate, but I can't concentrate on my classes because I keep having these bad thoughts. I don't want to, but I do. I have talked to school counselors before, but it hasn't really helped me because I feel very awkward and uncomfortable talking about how I feel. Even writing this post feels a bit uncomfortable for me, but I just want these thoughts to go away...or at least become less debilitating. If anyone has any advice, please let me know.",5.430293619424057,6.5736083478260925,5.582778091473745,81.10579898362509,68.00621118012423,9.581253529079618,30.785431959345,9.800150414767053,2.8291565217391312,668,26,130,15,11,211,95,161,0.166,0.753,0.081,-0.9551,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,4,0,13,2,2,3,0,35,34,11,3,4,9,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,1,12,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,7,17,2,18,26,4,15,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,7,80,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782154336778695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199308096114527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430673182515114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328134415788127,0.0,0.1006725669703772,0.1469991197480839,0.13316227900479405,0.20519574879747804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316333742456544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038620845615219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775895240219946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963665562116143,0.0,0.10158709334188794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048240792483037,0.1722732931475413,0.11576800897154955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299388310336156,0.0,0.0685238347927821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081685661792178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716991573495062,0.0,0.0,0.06626320695550378,0.09828225619396984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329301850913467,0.0,0.11781075816353738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623940407908464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509959787429228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235182690838798,0.0,0.0,0.11547462762658856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544829955668196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202528074879347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956585293510908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382238061042498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478603420330961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413547827925107,0.0,0.1989690215700222,0.21334943307541054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryleedesu,2019/04/19,"Quiet thoughts It’s always loud. 
I don’t like the noise. 
If I’m alone, the voices are there. 
If I’m with people, there’s so much loud. 
I don’t want to take my medication anymore. 
I don’t want to eat anymore. 
I don’t want to move anymore. 
I want disappear before people’s eyes. 
I want to physically waste away and join my brain. 
I’m too much of a bitch to actually go out and off myself. 
Maybe I’m just so lazy and unmotivated to do such? 
Not motivated enough to live but not motivated enough to die. 
Limbo. 
My life is a limbo. 
I’m neither alive nor dead, I’m stuck. 
I don’t want to be stuck anymore. 
I want to simply not exist. 
I want black, I want nothingness. 
I want to stop living but I don’t know how to do that. 
I want to live but I also don’t know how to do that. 
Limbo. 
All my life is now is limbo. 
Bad habits, voices, restricting, smoking, cutting, starving, unprotected sex, fake affection and unwantedness. 
At least I feel those. 
It’s loud again, but quiet. 
The voices are coming for me again, they always do. 
Why did you leave me?
I gave you every piece of me while you knew I was always broken. 
You lied for a year and now you’re trying to manipulate me through other means. 
I wish you killed me the way you told your friends you wanted to. 
I wish you actually threw one of those knives at me. 
But you made it quiet. 
It’s loud again. 
I can make it quiet though. 
But I don’t know how to do it, or when to do it. 
Either kill me or drive me as insane as you are so I do it myself. 
Try me. 
I’ll make it quiet.",-0.7006875944992466,1.4496403467492271,2.0256029951760404,93.91905680754557,92.90092879256966,4.7383972928216584,15.2515659874721,6.388778183573513,-0.4997988480092155,1164,25,269,14,43,402,142,323,0.22,0.6709999999999999,0.109,-0.9936,0,1,0,0,0,1,52.0,0,11,1,2,19,8,4,0,7,0,25,7,2,10,1,57,63,28,4,16,15,0,1,1,1,0,3,12,0,0,14,8,1,2,9,0,0,6,14,6,0,1,10,15,49,2,32,52,9,21,0,0,2,1,15,5,1,4,10,177,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.16957180459198815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998525124686678,0.0,0.06948081778920574,0.21688245283996688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446609094652998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816300424831067,0.0,0.07254421263947859,0.0,0.0,0.07393158077443979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969908795556612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484256510343675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017150411008563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890365715085781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954805703150115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320321635375565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393098038143601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712608693423408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049377976460486986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224775584034648,0.0,0.1432469337044411,0.0,0.0,0.09199723276021952,0.0,0.0,0.1227369727853896,0.04244695922946238,0.0,0.23015954523037965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221140361410577,0.1159910125169097,0.0,0.08728629718841922,0.09464175786579444,0.0,0.08752612953880114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923435623603568,0.1277389488954112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058874604954948825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046835654923567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263861580650029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532568661315379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536273795826188,0.06897590741812969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830210440506388,0.0,0.11797658059294755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6149546834974005,0.0689641915859529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783989737772268,0.0,0.19982380285568188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055950217397038766
suicidewatch,pleasantmind,2019/04/19,"lonely i go days without talking to anyone. i’m constantly initiating texts and being ignored. i’m deeply in debt and i’ve fucked up my future. i can’t have sex bc it’s extremely painful and no man will ever want me. i mean i’m fat and disgusting anyways lmao. i don’t know when i’m going to do it, hopefully i’ll be able to crash my car fatally when no one’s on the road. or hang myself. or jump off of an interstate. idk. i am alone and no one cares until they want something from me.",-0.8394285714285701,1.3079010571428569,2.086666666666666,92.57000000000002,95.57142857142857,5.466666666666668,19.38095238095238,7.03164865440522,0.5440666666666671,381,13,85,7,15,133,74,105,0.301,0.598,0.101,-0.9721,1,4,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,1,15,21,10,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,1,5,6,6,0,2,0,0,11,2,11,18,0,17,0,1,0,2,3,5,1,3,7,50,13,0,0.2414499895807473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25006937169875343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882744670674332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617435617583244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26092166205652745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571526862031798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840533884856428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321662469410253,0.0,0.0,0.2744431865918642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398143195579394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269459981083978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26300982214336865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272255234295188,0.0,0.2569198124039352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587999815846776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19406835566195305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848269192164889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327491737928693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RealWriting11,2019/04/19,"How to stop being uncomfortable around people? I wanna go out and make friends but I just feel really uncomfortable around them. I don't know where to look since I don't like eye contact, I stutter when they ask me something, I become self conscious and I have the feeling that I make them uncomfortable too. How can I relax and be more comfortable?",4.051818181818181,6.454265696969702,4.612121212121213,81.58818181818184,73.84848484848484,7.4303030303030315,26.15151515151515,8.344100000000001,1.868442424242425,280,10,51,5,6,89,47,66,0.215,0.614,0.171,-0.2927,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,4,0,18,14,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,13,4,6,12,1,7,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,3,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4726489495153822,0.2481785006086585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931906239066375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26845909410534785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20510136961132228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087264971372144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458953025927062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969517323910468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292783765210306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544064106273626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840433879847704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006680191907625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27694298011647983,0.0,0.0,0.21959942679457556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437168216280333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221944705389728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ocean_1987,2019/04/19,I hate that I have to feel happy all the time to overcompensate for the feeling of wanting to die Anyone else feel this way? Lately I’ve just been trying to be happy and surround myself with things that I want to do because the moment I feel bored and alone that’s when it hits me. It’s like an overwhelming wave of sadness that I can never seem to shake off,9.10684684684685,5.72454121621622,8.70027027027027,76.61995495495499,62.51351351351353,10.947747747747748,34.126126126126124,7.793537801064563,2.3919693693693693,286,7,59,2,3,92,52,74,0.174,0.6559999999999999,0.17,-0.3361,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,2,4,0,5,0,0,0,2,13,14,3,1,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,4,7,3,11,11,1,9,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,6,41,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284421080925219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542263955300632,0.22599815951634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445631145955333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22891494109706906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425640645265634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4461035838584003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695978447455795,0.0,0.21776540717782467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488105072288543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775846835048256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011577316896706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20079698139285174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465356937774708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861507585802906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975131148027246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26019364716801713,0.17507674969502515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,floraltrinket,2019/04/19,"i’m so alone i go days without talking to anyone. i’m constantly initiating texts and being ignored. i’m deeply in debt and i’ve fucked up my future. i can’t have sex bc it’s extremely painful and no man will ever want me. i mean i’m fat and disgusting anyways lmao. i don’t know when i’m going to do it, hopefully i’ll be able to crash my car fatally when no one’s on the road. or hang myself. or jump off of an interstate. idk. i am alone and no one cares until they want something from me.",-1.4632516339869284,0.5025189166666664,1.6376470588235286,94.63676470588236,100.57407407407408,5.1337690631808295,18.389978213507625,6.794906146795322,0.3078599128540307,385,13,89,7,17,135,74,108,0.297,0.604,0.1,-0.9724,1,3,1,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,1,15,22,11,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,0,1,5,6,5,0,2,0,0,11,2,11,19,0,17,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,3,7,51,13,0,0.2215599977124379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458938677261757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491990192707553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258951838676219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394276468959489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288786932323097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041370248015375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482864771490952,0.0,0.0,0.2518353051042588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005906972672584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121763580448242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413437900478583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002695769355149,0.0,0.23575545870735784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705677106811603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808153361770715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613636541447918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21357593140783407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ilovethesenate,2019/04/19,"Is it common to threaten killing yourself ? Guys, where to turn?

Someone close to me is going through alott of stress... And he sometimes says "" I feel like just putting a knife in my heart""

And I feel like it's possible it can happen under impulse.

He is going through a very stressful thing...

What's the best thing I can do for him?",1.907934065934068,4.351359046153849,2.191428571428574,95.89,81.61538461538461,4.32967032967033,26.20879120879121,5.288315135182226,0.5038791208791209,258,11,53,1,7,78,47,65,0.154,0.7190000000000001,0.127,-0.4466,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,2,3,0,6,1,1,0,0,6,12,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,3,9,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292959973047235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518329269926747,0.28990165097296344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306239403041172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009015484685172,0.17942259297300397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240435859562064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447727785080285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825204864886195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287377250424315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039691692967356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135313841979151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719153551248264,0.0,0.20067193826006693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648394020643743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695936749683375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069545122467385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674126232561888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,austinjmulka,2019/04/19,I feel like no one understands who I am It’s like no one really knows me.,-1.387647058823532,0.43313405882353,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,90.76470588235294,8.105882352941178,14.382352941176471,8.841846274778883,0.7003176470588239,57,1,15,2,2,21,13,17,0.227,0.515,0.258,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185284787308954,0.30875694573022555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23752057002067214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222928487653999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5857268717874604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27687227083780824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499255032255365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,9_0_1_2_5,2019/04/19,"Pretty sure I might have bipolar. As the title says, I have been suspicious of having bipolar for weeks. I’ve always been depressed / had GAD / autistic, but never really connected the dots on the possibility of some of my symptoms being bipolar. Either way, life has been hell here. Pretty sure my boyfriend is tired of listening to me. Quite certain everyone hates me. Sometimes I wonder if there’s even a point to living. I go through ambitious phases where I spend hundreds on my hobbies, grind out schoolwork, and eat a lot. Then I can’t stop sleeping, wish to be dead, and have no motivation to shower. I’ve been treated subpar all my life— it’s never going to change. No one is trustworthy. I wish I were dead. I wish I could sleep forever. My need for affiliation has never been fulfilled, it never will be.",3.5302192982456155,6.114032460526321,4.664631578947368,79.66808771929824,76.36842105263158,6.9480701754385965,27.23859649122807,8.021203637495839,2.0717275438596503,642,26,110,11,15,210,99,152,0.218,0.59,0.193,-0.7785,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,4,7,2,0,5,0,22,9,2,1,8,25,31,6,2,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,1,0,2,3,1,1,2,0,1,2,7,3,0,1,7,2,17,4,16,18,4,15,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,5,7,82,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097592361218974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954271601888713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531896866145922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136134229068002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497630679031614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712495295678016,0.0,0.0,0.12604513999706987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499343696987924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023328049874033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634310245622532,0.0,0.0,0.11647846812803328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214470408470366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993508948411207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780919170573613,0.4069468239513887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938526260031547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469707473698867,0.1487080941612044,0.0,0.2683986822321171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030194566410148,0.0,0.0,0.08450457654455519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489969547823892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640094429130056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046182690132874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028221342216728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24864620620563285,0.13710443411579992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161051733281827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470358789916104,0.1058098105705834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550681003902199,0.0,0.14305018034571054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unicornbaconeater,2019/04/19,I hate myself I hate myself and I'm pretty sure my girlfriend is cheating on me.,-0.8649019607843158,1.1138209411764706,1.8905882352941177,91.60098039215687,104.2941176470588,2.266666666666667,17.43137254901961,3.1291,-0.7098862745098042,64,2,12,0,3,22,13,17,0.431,0.353,0.21600000000000005,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8183309494105685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216259999180438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905969449828141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,throwaway138530923,2019/04/19,"Suicidal I've been suicidal for a better part of my life started treatment when i was 8 ever since then i've made some progress but not much. I feel like  a total loser my depression is so bad that i'm on ssi and just idk being on ssi makes me feel like i'll never be ""normal"" have very few friends and or family connections. My birthday is coming up and it's just making everything worse thinking back this past year i've done absolutely nothing and just i've been burning bridges anyways so if i was going to ever get lucky enough to commit without much interference from life it would be now i have very little to live for.I keep deluding myself to think that i'm young enough to turn my situation around but that's just wishful if not delusional thinking these years of my life are meant to build a foundation for the rest of your life and right now i'm depressed barely leave my apartment and on disability not much of a foundation to build off of. idk i've never really reached out to strangers on the internet but it's late where i'm at and i've already called the crisis line and it didn't help much so here i am yelling out to the void.",3.3192184323469616,5.028313815450645,4.335120849333638,85.82394623898803,73.93562231759655,7.6520442737745675,26.426248023492214,8.371475516178862,1.7166875536480692,921,33,187,16,19,299,132,233,0.19,0.746,0.064,-0.9869,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,17,9,0,0,8,0,16,4,0,3,6,48,36,19,2,5,14,0,2,2,1,1,4,1,0,0,9,12,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,8,3,14,5,28,24,11,31,0,3,0,0,4,14,0,5,17,122,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589844744857212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156210670443644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772628308867557,0.09525833809629496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090116599276233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649614343013767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827632158677996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652687780961384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675117312676116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357658715828681,0.0,0.0,0.206397439674932,0.0,0.0,0.10253453276424708,0.0,0.1075515878024256,0.0,0.11537218559042345,0.1630083358104834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814375746333164,0.0,0.059606035638528974,0.0,0.06483858332793081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647047932983626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014062556866689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286957247398685,0.1208022416033148,0.0,0.0,0.3223336397242461,0.11147482745548032,0.11434569611825927,0.10074139607617996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079523975229093,0.15230864991778045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354699028140665,0.0,0.17598270235047667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178157508221226,0.10947008036322413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235456979739614,0.10890947493454828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730874053611976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743014360639098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437439960127496,0.1282391853203532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075175449050474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249586523213083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219308084517124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409449240574652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882683525193434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119505112496835,0.10997632615247722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162649593511618,0.08104452158119348,0.0,0.0,0.14693728228481415
suicidewatch,splashdashmash,2019/04/19,"Is there anything left in my life? I’m failing university and I’m going to be kicked out.
I can’t get a job.
My best friend has stopped talking to me.
My mental health even before these things came up was in decline despite me being on meds and seeing a psych and trying to get better.
It feels like there’s nothing left in my life that’s worth staying for. 
That no matter what I do I’m going to end up in the ground sooner or later.",1.138828502415457,3.09858372826087,2.890144927536234,92.54857487922706,81.28260869565217,4.523671497584541,20.004830917874393,5.033348758259628,-0.281387922705314,341,9,73,1,9,113,65,92,0.077,0.759,0.16399999999999998,0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,0,9,17,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,2,2,8,4,13,13,1,18,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,1,4,46,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194924458196802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674619048515094,0.0,0.20652896491209774,0.17405319132443572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508623404715555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743059701680776,0.0,0.0,0.12998423334282316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950775540853853,0.14059362337961026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204682850662385,0.0,0.20563926339222266,0.0,0.22369141601378945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20918869736901374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529316661655965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42764652981362855,0.0,0.27801065583944906,0.09614630951023363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185999122799816,0.0,0.1983276382499761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883445651290412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568237454939835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209762113708542,0.0,0.1645332189750635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818000738363713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074486287612894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361396244345566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VisuNeko,2019/04/19,"Today is the day Today I'll make my last cry for attention... which will be probably be my biggest for attention, noone takes a situation seriously until its too late...
Please someone help me get through this... I can't do it alone...
I posted on r/RoastMe yesterday to help me motivate to do this today... I've got everything planned and mapped out now... My best friend knows and will be by my side but she can't help me..
Maybe some of you can..?
At least someone has to care am I right..?",1.5802061855670075,3.8197266597938175,3.1558865979381467,89.7132113402062,81.37113402061857,7.178969072164946,24.13298969072165,8.238735603445708,1.4840564948453607,374,14,81,8,10,123,71,97,0.034,0.769,0.198,0.9399,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,0,13,0,0,2,0,10,19,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,12,3,12,13,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,10,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839769690576933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864176632960772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111139161623474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512442863480736,0.1145603036555854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964747494681192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724086833945048,0.0,0.09280729940185542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420714626281106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571963104679306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976239117876888,0.1447967695770905,0.20038075892353568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857318074408915,0.0,0.17845889381292998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19499060894713816,0.0,0.0,0.17012585685302328,0.0,0.19152128308010272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169988091942918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966992167120345,0.0,0.0,0.30102023229886377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355990740892928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5051334987504812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Il_Piede,2019/04/19,"I might end it My 19th birthday is approaching and I'm once again spending it alone, dreading every hour of that day. I have always been a loner and I have very few friends. It feels like my family only ""cares"" for me because they birthed this abomination. I have nothing going on for my future because I'm too stupid and lack motivation. I have never felt the feeling of being loved nor do I ever think I will ever feel it. I dont think I plan on making it to 19.",1.894514619883044,3.925303831578951,3.804561403508776,86.58637426900587,79.10526315789474,5.906432748538013,23.18713450292397,6.937597516519254,0.8302046783625734,364,12,73,4,9,123,66,95,0.149,0.728,0.123,-0.151,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,1,1,2,0,11,1,0,2,3,16,23,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,2,4,14,4,7,18,2,13,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,10,52,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20495923523235032,0.0,0.0,0.16466424980187586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24126955401542166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176684346772544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276257150310562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319311235547221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527597274076878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580141855595921,0.1667348263467393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655751822004304,0.0,0.3001845308166551,0.14137601870577549,0.1900099534043854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289296025230498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246812285824226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194886424208754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668135812325453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860770000384926,0.0,0.1320962540520748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099350118041014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262859838235246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988530926598907,0.0,0.0,0.210751405091574,0.0,0.1505078426655162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536058760828657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163283859044026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,give-me-hope,2019/04/19,"Desperate for something to do the deed I need out. I absolutely need out. My God I need out. I can't breathe. Everything is too overwhelming. Things start to look up, but quickly take a turn for the worst. It hurts. It hurts too much.",-0.02217391304347771,2.18951754347826,1.2742391304347829,96.16831521739132,101.82608695652172,5.778260869565218,20.967391304347828,7.1686216300943375,0.8992260869565225,181,7,40,4,8,57,33,46,0.299,0.6709999999999999,0.03,-0.9437,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,7,10,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,8,10,2,6,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307213719195705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552435347830208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177747404537571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063988761773612,0.5768772882808262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964752050642956,0.0,0.0,0.18355751466070827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498644167926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17228958700234076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28208026875452463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BentonETrading,2019/04/19,"Getting there Yeah my 20th birthday started an 1:11 minutes ago. I got charged with weed possession yesterday the same day I moved out for my first time. I was feeling pretty shitty already and was anxious about moving out so getting charged didn’t help. I thought at least I can cuddle with my girlfriend and chill in my new place. Nope she’s upstairs drunk and won’t come downstairs. She’s calling me manipulative for being upset that I’ve been asking for help all day and she won’t even help me. This is fucked. I’m fucked. I just want to end it all at this point. I’ve dedicated 5 years to her and no matter what I do it’s not enough. It’s my FUCKING birthday. I just wanted some love. I just feel so alone in a place I’m not used to. Between the emotions of getting charged, moving out and feeling left hanging I just want to blow my brains out. Luckily I left my guns at my house I moved from if they were here I’d probably be ready to say fuck it. I know in the morning I’ll say fuck it I was stupid for thinking this. Then as always the thought will slowly creep in as it always does. Then one day I’ll grow the balls to finally put head at rest. My head is a plague.",0.6517326172979097,2.997191516393446,1.9577727529677773,96.01221311475412,86.70491803278688,4.513058224985868,21.938383267382704,5.935793293072707,0.12051571509327275,926,33,203,7,29,295,137,244,0.146,0.7170000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.7492,0,1,0,1,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,10,8,6,1,8,1,15,11,3,2,2,37,41,13,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,11,13,1,0,7,2,0,8,7,7,0,2,9,5,30,1,30,27,7,39,0,0,0,7,14,17,5,2,14,125,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788630242628312,0.0,0.0,0.10268460217256946,0.1094092741529734,0.0,0.16499361898752268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200593790396808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268744662192553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067891397244337,0.10123840883358406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540487376245033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918214969932503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676269652581066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152508753004753,0.08781328399714472,0.1024435702055089,0.0,0.06548451775161791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039248702467053,0.0,0.0,0.10860880038296612,0.0,0.08433291856085143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45829103638948204,0.15539793920838416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929553190686484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350330700889646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936495978693414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440033353664918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05448764916496295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154432584076518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948247976755773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215029388830545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957551224715203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718340288099832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717141656743726,0.0,0.0937243295642284,0.0,0.0,0.10086638600458576,0.10689537316213343,0.0,0.0,0.0996683834677593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768860097041745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017553452352313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352828762430095,0.0,0.15742054424656055,0.0578124059883375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562968299912876,0.0,0.0,0.17543535233305144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384630520308454
suicidewatch,ThrowReddit23952322,2019/04/19,"46M separated, one daughter, alcoholic, depressed, medicated, still waiting for death. I won't take measures on my hands, but I wish something would kill me ASAP. Just went to a new Psychiatrist today. Boy, he was tough. Made me go quickly through everything that is wrong with my illness. 

And I feel completely impotent against alcoholism, and going through it makes me really sad.

​

​

I'm a successful guy,  president of a multi national in a developing country. People in my industry actually do like me and take me as a role model. But, they don't know the backstage. 

My family had me interned (committed to a facility) against my will last year. 

In this country it is possible to do it even without a court mandate. Just a doctor, and you are fucked. Two weeks of hell. I am pretty sure I have PTSD from what happened in those two weeks.  

Lately I thought I had found some equilibrium, some balance, between anti-depressives, medication that regulate alcohol will to consume, and my own life style.  But, today....

Regardless, I still was under the ""lightning strike me at any moment and it will be fine"" mindset. But today, it all went bananas. I fought with my team, my girlfriend, my family. And to be honest, I just don't see it. Why? What is the fucking purpose of being alive? What is the big deal? It is just a consequence of a brain constructed by evolution geared towards making you pass your genes along.... but, such concept has so little meaning in today's world. 

I live in a dangerous country. I am always hoping that at the next stop sign a robber will be crazy enough to lose his grip and shot me in the head while I try to step out of the car. 

It is not pleasant, I tell you. I don't mind pain. I had my share of pain because of many (many) orthopedic surgeries, but this. This is another level. I hate it. Please, any words would help.",3.5204588744588747,5.936916628571434,4.66179220779221,80.53041991341995,75.57142857142857,7.8995670995671,29.463203463203463,8.754623652393294,2.6560761904761905,1460,66,263,32,33,478,208,350,0.182,0.696,0.123,-0.9793,0,0,4,0,0,1,79.0,0,4,1,3,10,22,7,0,19,0,33,16,3,3,3,47,57,17,2,5,12,1,3,1,1,7,11,0,0,2,19,12,3,2,5,1,0,7,6,14,0,3,11,4,41,8,40,35,5,42,1,3,1,2,18,18,3,3,18,186,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.08561164840215775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812694892856997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299823749908982,0.19011044499233767,0.21320266577385485,0.11931857093724267,0.09199236477966387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053479283531514286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793549226788872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198304634615144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044559143563052,0.15112312952368542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897951874254869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906483549364651,0.0,0.0579447182100717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884590468380129,0.0,0.16540773165581615,0.0,0.044358832595159964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619121859910697,0.0,0.16220960846052285,0.0,0.0,0.09971775602003508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686631391265501,0.07757918942400735,0.0,0.0,0.08661503374143828,0.09003610459631793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880344857305735,0.0,0.0,0.08713550554764707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706004673777732,0.0,0.04821401432272165,0.07151151182567203,0.09896305734754976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196616580999952,0.042860358277571266,0.08792832633150569,0.07746703767596659,0.0,0.0,0.0981472273137316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301207618558593,0.11712067115522255,0.17788853394466134,0.0,0.09556349203293624,0.0,0.17675712648355207,0.0,0.0,0.0885821084747449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473000610355813,0.09330165803754883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944799598431776,0.0,0.1867014261724672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608208104483794,0.0,0.0,0.0963009967580414,0.0,0.09890218954841024,0.0,0.08925276560900748,0.0,0.0,0.10255146395936478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056201968657185096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990930751832297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753870094408873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401222939446516,0.0733460571680363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082684316396337,0.0,0.13192381191935734,0.0,0.07667972886629545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964767696267951,0.0,0.0,0.332630442653682,0.0,0.0,0.05956278852911057,0.0,0.17139857151731375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074313843050149,0.0,0.0,0.1626528427305794,0.07916251636592,0.0,0.1008849625303274,0.08456841510391541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464149299684928,0.09591878528397654,0.21320266577385485,0.05649512725709222
suicidewatch,altf16984,2019/04/19,"I really can't keep going I've been diagnosed with depression for over 3 years now, but had it for probably 10+ years. Since I've been diagnosed, for the most part at least, I've been trying and attempting to move forward, whether that meant just getting out of bed when I don't want to, making friends at work, and actually getting my first job and not fucking up or being an immature twat. I just can't stand to continue to move forward, when it feels like I'm getting so little back. I know it's most likely because I have little to no friends now, but it feels like no matter how much of an effort I put into making friends at work, it doesn't happen. I was hanging out with a girl from work(I'm a dude btw) and I had a crush on her. Long story short, she told me that I was contacting her too much, for her liking at least(I was texting her 2 or 3 times a week) and she also said she knew I had a crush on her, because I told a coworker, but she said ""I'm going to stick a pin on that,"" as in, the feeling isn't mutual, and that she's not dating for a couple of years. She told me it was really awkward for her to say that, and made her uncomfortable, so it would probably be best to leave her alone. There are other girls I could befriend at work, but it just feels like the 3 months I was friends with her, and to what I thought, moving closer to dating her, was all an imaginary story in my head. I just don't even want to try and make new friends, I think I just annoy everybody all the time, and I just can't handle these thoughts anymore. I don't know why I wrote this, I just kind of wanted to say it somewhere because I don't have anyone I can. I know there's a lot of other things I could be doing to make myself feel better, it just sounds like no matter what I do, it won't be enough to help my crippling sadness and loneliness.",12.159728682170545,5.0843092428940535,11.501195090439275,70.04543604651165,61.22222222222222,14.760465116279073,43.361111111111114,10.125756701596842,4.171334366925065,1435,43,318,18,12,476,176,387,0.109,0.753,0.138,0.9481,1,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,8,21,19,2,1,16,0,35,4,1,6,2,68,72,25,0,6,17,0,5,6,5,2,2,5,1,2,23,17,0,1,13,0,0,9,15,5,0,1,23,10,48,14,45,41,11,47,0,2,0,1,33,21,1,5,26,223,71,4,0.0,0.0,0.08138878652546473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637981322182119,0.0,0.06669693066328977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271284619409297,0.0583169510691347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413135662655772,0.0,0.15252412745640515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752575400736083,0.07376271320849634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318018260430609,0.09228325437546032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183443116341974,0.16930351693814216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617705354943926,0.0,0.05508654942052103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21085399148296893,0.1787482385363926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709421042650091,0.0,0.0,0.3221827339117846,0.07710424598622707,0.13072305564681785,0.0,0.0947990992929936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375253490259844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559500293875244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590292223310448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276408913333139,0.0741319536020005,0.0,0.08685084539695838,0.13750746046196172,0.0,0.0,0.0883111806950572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444774244181189,0.16718238498853494,0.0,0.0738085675544632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090580337961586,0.0,0.07891744025260447,0.22268720390930616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657106137434594,0.2659309017332868,0.12262083390161765,0.0,0.0,0.0805506319265079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903167549961762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798439526990459,0.0,0.0,0.08384252522688106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068595247194238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866970905869976,0.13264999435985167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899139076858847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540889971870412,0.053440939568203,0.0,0.13242450106046974,0.0972653099981666,0.0,0.0,0.2390839225052829,0.0,0.11324961429746278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475788253195526,0.0,0.06690043622822772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525776299807918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428719860762448,0.0,0.0,0.05924672667253592,0.0,0.0,0.16112538204347504
suicidewatch,wrenroman,2019/04/19,"If I was dead, everybody could eventually get what they want. When I was younger I knew this older couple. The husband died and the wife was really sad of course, but she also said ""Now I can change the wallpaper in the kitchen. He loved that wallpaper, but I always hated it.""

When my great grandmother died, my grandmother told me about how she wanted to plant a certain kind of flower in their backyard but my great grandmother never let her. My grandma figured since she was dead, she could do whatever she wanted.

If I was dead... my girlfriend could move wherever she wanted. She likes Montana. I don't, really. But if I was dead, who's gonna tell her no? The only thing is that she'd be really sad at first but eventually I think she'd realize how much better off her life was without me. 

I don't know.",3.1124773960216987,5.171370772151904,4.345605786618446,84.00784810126581,75.45569620253164,8.05858951175407,24.576853526220606,8.841846274778883,1.8840600361663653,634,21,124,14,14,208,93,158,0.195,0.657,0.147,-0.8789,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,2,7,10,1,0,6,0,19,3,0,2,2,26,32,14,6,10,9,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,7,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,10,1,31,7,9,14,1,11,0,2,0,1,23,4,0,3,7,89,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270988437275028,0.12767850445290038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135709603407835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232442861391974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675399597610977,0.1697839370018663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31850329904391506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052021022476054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016866185469332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383472348271823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514951367337085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978931999343526,0.08432934072514524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690787458974426,0.1083827178347948,0.07496545988886402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849007327153276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308771572299552,0.11279970607432707,0.0,0.11834621784417912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670181161416028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294902324410818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596130180520825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693126204964025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341176641918864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194201757241897,0.0983213387778086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466232413508176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36202326775228105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791547213115416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,greilmercenaries,2019/04/19,"Just one more push throwaway account since some irls know my real account

I just. I just cant stand being alive. I dont know how to phrase it but every day I feel like I've experienced the most life has to offer. I'm 16 and as far as I can remember I've wanted to die for so long... I even remember trying to cut myself back in 3rd grade because I felt like life was boring. I've been emotionally abused and used before by people I used to be friends with and I hate everything about myself now. 

I have really really bad dysmorphia and dysphoria. I really dont want to be a guy but am way too ugly to be anything else. I can barely look at my arms and legs, let alone my face in the mirror. I just want to claw every appendage off until I'm nothing. 

Everyone always recalls their younger years fondly. My entire life has been hell and I have no interest in living to see what's next. Nothing at all motivates me and no relationships can bring any satisfaction because I cant trust anyone anymore.

I dont want to talk to someone. It wont help. My parents look at my feelings as me being a burden and they just want to shove me into a psych ward. I probably belong there anyways but.. if I go there I'll lose any chance of living a normal life given my position as a student just before college. I just can't take being alive anymore, nothing can convince me life is worth living.

I'm never happy. I'm always irritable. I dislike being around people because no one can comprehend my fucked up logic. But its infallible. But I cant bring myself to act out what is logical.

Everyone always says itll get better eventually. The only thing I've yet to experience thats worth a damn is sex, given how fucking ugly I am. 

I just want to die. I cant bring myself to act anything out but every day is spent wishing that some situation will occur so that I can die. I hate everything and everyone so much at times that I'm always ready to scream. I can't cry, I cant break down, I cant yell, I dont even have the luxury of physically emoting. I'm just an empty husk that lives because it has to.

I dont know what to do. I cant hurt myself anymore, I cant bring myself to die because I'm scared that even after I die itll still hurt this much.

I've already done what others would recommend to better life but it's only had an inverse effect. I just want to kill myself at this point and I cant accept any compromise",1.915091671031952,3.8521731405622495,4.223338571678017,84.0657988475642,78.63855421686749,6.820394621966125,22.874279727606076,7.818819491935897,1.213675955997905,1896,60,379,31,46,658,224,498,0.263,0.638,0.1,-0.9984,1,1,0,0,1,6,44.0,0,0,2,5,29,27,8,1,12,0,53,12,3,6,2,66,93,28,6,11,18,1,3,2,1,5,6,3,0,1,21,15,0,0,13,0,5,8,21,16,0,2,9,10,57,11,49,71,7,41,1,3,3,3,10,17,4,4,15,247,78,5,0.0,0.07263471834773808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349202111009722,0.06765002539023986,0.0,0.2040379593073121,0.0,0.0,0.12506561060020438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239003700363132,0.04286488880046159,0.0,0.10089524654430268,0.054573183676851586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04713866928950426,0.05118592898835223,0.1868504680870441,0.0,0.10432966341019208,0.0,0.0,0.10843607017637764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733910448373477,0.07907147568887961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31811718938141675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273484690581274,0.3592366983642194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121127512719567,0.13791655344514314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214713100747914,0.0,0.15495273148625574,0.175734594560984,0.1101914103859168,0.05996666487375828,0.0,0.0,0.0619938644414803,0.043795290092455454,0.05886105087679237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736299415305584,0.11334834450878302,0.03202859055116775,0.0,0.0348402374873881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070018273902671,0.0,0.0652588012796808,0.0,0.121049187866744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04109049772341659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312535014749808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782332884028652,0.0,0.10107253369518993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268706441174915,0.2598031908262542,0.05989966564771471,0.0,0.2165287385354196,0.05425173954983938,0.10295913568279824,0.06858302562789399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013037056038092,0.0,0.04728110045644489,0.0,0.06519705323778366,0.0,0.0600644928172101,0.1764673163043291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308178526708071,0.0932482706907158,0.0,0.0,0.06807037125338099,0.0,0.0,0.08500036762845753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057951698553800765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609562822258211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977689556597574,0.11781793013162005,0.0,0.0,0.0658171031335956,0.13889001236677018,0.0,0.0,0.04875106768592993,0.06137557848440164,0.0,0.04885101658380383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071095520715496,0.06890779289783816,0.0,0.0,0.05194232474199632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895711850283118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04609266314204323,0.04927349579353545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040727374827646684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035746610726194984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041621107024276544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589322109842036,0.0,0.0,0.25310908031915524,0.04865992868101898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049609204516513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354830463614079,0.0,0.0,0.039477495865868434
suicidewatch,lifelessmomo,2019/04/19,"I [17F] was near at giving up. This past week had been a total shithole for me. Because, my grandmother died. Next, my ""lover"" decided to ask some space and gave me a cold shoulder, and lastly, my parents fought for days, despite my grandmother's death. It was all bombed right at me together. And I was a mess. After my grandma's burial(last Tuesday), my partner didn't talk to me, and I cried myself to sleep. I've also deactivated my accounts for the past week, and is staying at Reddit alone. I was very near at giving up. I was crying my eyes out, and it was getting late already. The knives are a door away, but I thought for it deeply first. And that's when I decided to hit some of my friends up, telling I wasn't fine. And they were comforting me. 

And I cried myself to sleep. The next morning(yesterday,) however, I woke up to messages from my partner that he was sorry. And I was frustrated, and we talked it out. I still wasn't okay. Next, my parents are fighting again.

And I went to my room alone. And I cried. Like, is life this cruel to me? What have I even done? I loved these people, I gave them my best, but why am I on my fucking worst still? 

Later that evening (which was last night), my friend told me to talk to myself. And I did. I was staring at myself through the mirror(sorry about my English, anyway,) I did that. And I cried to myself. And I gave myself out inspirational and motivational words, that I can do this, that I love myself. And I when I left the bathroom, thirty minutes already passed. I was feeling better, somehow, but today, I am back. I am back at feeling miserable. And I do not know what to do. 

I want to go to a therapist to get a proper label on what I am feeling. But when I reached out to my mom, she called me crazy and stupid. And I feel so lost and down. And so discouraged. I also feel worried about my future.",1.4681622779735974,3.7366708221024254,2.909757412398921,91.14444674822029,82.01886792452831,5.53019559057295,22.98990946160757,6.788186056548923,0.6538185223581454,1429,50,300,16,39,465,174,371,0.179,0.688,0.132,-0.9588,3,2,0,0,2,0,77.0,1,0,2,5,18,23,6,1,11,1,33,9,4,1,2,52,59,34,2,1,5,3,5,1,5,0,1,0,2,2,18,28,0,1,11,0,1,3,4,11,0,1,29,8,73,12,46,29,6,54,0,3,2,4,30,24,1,3,27,232,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856552614046367,0.19025953444255395,0.13787680329037488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059038221156757,0.0,0.08099278094404322,0.13257321370579306,0.0,0.05254999220405798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046721526839896,0.07624164259188228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802531906688084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734627442838439,0.05559533076842876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946756191256991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821802132942635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387566508482665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179401212137708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332624198354283,0.0,0.0,0.1332041069516864,0.07969547362204918,0.09007749357024672,0.16539208820943874,0.04899249723840327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737621578816281,0.21080664179382605,0.09724340994656228,0.0,0.0936623845664931,0.0,0.0608894008146529,0.04211558840391455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410334248369014,0.0,0.15560742060620006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009626851211452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750411605426407,0.08089789815707478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144171889503192,0.0,0.16458555619515833,0.05976394790374121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361891325465014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725352489734312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929997034791828,0.0,0.09188345229978666,0.137687436483083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786582819348934,0.0753472912881974,0.0,0.0,0.10009107652721663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684374329596768,0.0,0.0,0.08171260913575483,0.08237292337475756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711284567572385,0.05084615955100712,0.0,0.1382974927653838,0.0,0.0,0.07991323979146989,0.07778693623356618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875457357130678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,straightbutisuckdick,2019/04/19,"Am I suicidal or just indifferent? Background: Suicidal tendencies and depression run in my family. My uncle committed suicide, two of my siblings and my mom have depression. Plus, my sister attempted suicide before.  


Having said that, I would say I'm a happy person. I do experience worry, anxiety, sadness, etc. every now and then but I don't think it's an unnatural extreme. I like being me, I have an amazing support system of friends and family, and I'm not severely financially burdened. But for the past 6 months or so, I can't shake the feeling of being indifferent to death. I always think that it's okay for me to screw up cause there's always a way out for me by killing myself. I just care less and less about work. It's affecting my performance somewhat but I'm not in danger of losing my job or anything. Dying used to scare me but now it just feels so normal and okay. Like I could die tomorrow and everything would be fine. I think of it as just an easy way out for me in case things go south, which kinda makes me happy since I worry less about screwing up. Does this make me suicidal? Should I find myself a therapist?",2.173954545454542,4.810761213636368,4.147454545454547,81.00118181818183,82.31818181818181,7.52,24.70909090909091,8.488131031819089,2.171996363636364,897,35,163,22,25,304,124,220,0.233,0.5660000000000001,0.201,-0.7913,3,0,0,0,0,3,28.0,0,0,0,4,11,22,4,2,8,2,14,2,0,5,1,43,29,20,9,5,13,2,2,2,1,3,0,2,0,1,10,11,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,11,0,1,1,4,29,11,24,21,5,20,0,4,0,2,6,8,2,5,8,118,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253552927299745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931280072796948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531753024167292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822169049553948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570585044820537,0.1065050791912498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277783557235352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859410056363287,0.0,0.21520120207865312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907286467082418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156275224708072,0.0,0.0,0.08735254175265512,0.0,0.09317841335414148,0.10141622958644801,0.19547533957541105,0.0,0.10484464997985246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475911419598686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010077430585752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892216169276311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073268830438816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288365772751244,0.0,0.11470349907676247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130291981834846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598830596055835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384107183877348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142552417149514,0.08275417955680879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015816771929468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897165179429557,0.0,0.09052696227649466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862079199724384,0.08244829829087796,0.10379899852157692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712576459966632,0.0,0.08576287987107106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.567030336039159,0.11765169724672507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037726034745798,0.06887854785103166,0.19929655697584653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127759335882648,0.0,0.0,0.08954384277643451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645883261696599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547826161300178,0.21057852879374495,0.0,0.14729866569625144,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Umbreonical,2019/04/19,"Killing Myself Because I’m Lonely and Afraid I live by myself, 8 hours from my family....I’m 21, male, and was in college but I thought I wanted to stay up here so my family moved without me and now, because I’m paying my own bills I can’t afford college. I have friends but none of which I am comfortable opening up to and being close to. More like acquaintances. I’m not really a bad looking guy, and in public I’m quite charmismatic; however, I haven’t had a girlfriend in 4 years. I just feel so alone all the time. I have Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety which leads me to get very emotional. I honestly want to kill myself right now, this very moment, because my family is so far away and probably won’t try to contact me again for awhile. All I do is work, eat, sleep, repeat. My life is meaningless and I don’t have anyone on this Earth I’m close to. I don’t mean a lot to many people but even then I think the pain of knowing I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things makes me not care how much I hurt someone with my suicide. Can someone please help me get in the right direction?",3.5339069506726446,4.541064035874438,4.767598094170406,85.70547785874444,72.31838565022422,8.265582959641256,26.94198430493273,8.660442795831766,1.8188029147982057,852,29,179,15,16,282,130,223,0.16699999999999998,0.684,0.149,-0.741,2,3,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,2,1,7,0,18,5,1,3,2,33,35,16,3,2,7,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,2,5,12,1,0,5,0,2,2,10,7,0,0,3,2,30,6,25,30,7,27,0,2,1,0,7,15,0,1,10,116,35,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765628933652854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167697754114614,0.0,0.0,0.092934851213235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487478326620678,0.0,0.1109755986277632,0.2430649550725875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355121907603967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232815958547055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360017045266642,0.0,0.14950761255828254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778683007925987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505943747974089,0.0,0.06720407691738127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268713947019886,0.0,0.1388816059362014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160333805431162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908781520418572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089111094813116,0.0,0.14228457103406866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29409389133842634,0.0,0.07304471595570007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938793635841713,0.06493387327570703,0.0,0.11736334015033065,0.0,0.11161223350264578,0.0,0.0,0.11299665305594435,0.0,0.0,0.08871949657428213,0.13475145781047468,0.0,0.14477965026013198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126395117539506,0.0977052876168028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142726793094526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214413870748116,0.0,0.0,0.14589697732609055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330113868497468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413678015977113,0.0,0.0,0.08514654700263306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270114874390973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330075444391988,0.0,0.2252310623754601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166603563858218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538367126977678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830053280978624,0.08516435918569573,0.0,0.10551693013281743,0.07750179790926197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023822286434156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193319087970685,0.1567893602329249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281219982792035,0.0,0.09676119668490757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559068522594825
suicidewatch,typicalsoul,2019/04/19,"If someone has a heart attack & dies upon discovering your lifeless body would you be liable for their death? I’m talking religious wise, would god hold me accountable for their death if I just wanted to end it for myself only",6.00062015503876,7.4320005348837235,6.1906976744186055,76.20759689922484,66.90697674418604,8.524031007751939,28.286821705426355,8.841846274778883,2.3238589147286817,185,6,31,3,3,59,36,43,0.213,0.685,0.102,-0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,7,6,2,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226555461280457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387793311750629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33077776876755005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090592019043387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26375371926596963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352882808602214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264828582092009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231666136987346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393524743915716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564436936474845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230832134944957,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,norlynp,2019/04/19,"Letting Go I want to let everything go and be free. I fantasize about my suicide and how good it’ll feel to leave this world. I’m in this endless cycle of depression. Hating myself, feeling worthless, and not having the energy to care enough about my health & wellbeing. 

As much as I want to die, I have this weight on my shoulders. An enormous sense of guilt for what my family would have to deal with after my passing. Am I being selfish? On paper my life is fine. I have a home, family that loves me, a decent career, fur kids that bring me comfort, and a fiancé that adores me. I don’t understand why I’m broken. I play the happy, upbeat, smiling person so well, but I’m rotting inside.",3.3622362309223632,4.999630014598541,4.770922362309225,83.04035169210357,73.67153284671532,7.317584605175848,24.863304578633052,8.00094639256281,1.5121445255474455,540,17,102,8,11,180,95,137,0.14,0.685,0.175,0.2475,0,0,0,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,0,0,5,15,1,1,6,0,13,5,1,1,0,14,27,9,2,3,2,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,8,5,1,0,3,1,1,4,2,5,1,0,0,3,18,11,17,21,2,10,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,72,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864282958781609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751177786243966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949473836483373,0.14995648855939006,0.0,0.18069363151206935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989713477746752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647445948130828,0.0,0.32826163272105285,0.0,0.17606556437865342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19789590894414105,0.14603111801660182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533814243548768,0.0,0.17189276528691122,0.0,0.18506560575453584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464163547508668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435218798402936,0.0,0.3560685714411021,0.12297559829053302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157136672322854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279872992540269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202187911122758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904427477295919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124957468656505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053834266030836,0.0,0.0,0.2120131373714194,0.1565414160542992,0.0,0.15710279448518288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367928508043455,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,losinghope121,2019/04/20,"I've known things were going to end this way Since I was 12, I knew that I would die from suicide. Honestly, I'm surprised it's taken 15 years. Feeling useless, beat down, and worthless has just taken too much of a toll on me at this point.",2.4354000000000013,3.8228563400000013,3.4450000000000003,92.6275,75.6,5.8000000000000025,24.5,5.985473137389443,0.4770000000000003,187,6,41,1,4,60,44,50,0.25,0.637,0.113,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,4,2,6,4,1,8,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729058865950636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182410163476229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167736414965052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420351497950184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641333670801934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33966302749808824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972240159102725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930255930628077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23870885204797204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852026619770574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25524271702559953,0.0,0.0,0.2313831362750402
suicidewatch,patroclues,2019/04/20,"does it ever stop? i feel like life is just intervals between whenever my next suicide attempt will be i dont even know what else to say, im so tired but i have no one to say anything to and i feel so pathetic for complaining and even focusing on myself and how i feel for so long",0.9185000000000016,2.8979191833333324,3.256666666666668,89.525,82.16666666666666,7.333333333333335,25.0,8.344100000000001,1.6845000000000003,221,9,49,5,6,76,44,60,0.282,0.6920000000000001,0.026,-0.9515,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,12,9,8,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,7,1,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773126418274028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996377942010323,0.0,0.2673662509764959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057304975843672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013549647886349,0.20635632924635747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460476169626757,0.16297586766283126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464191694264882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253740896268356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113471850928185,0.11145262379859784,0.0,0.0,0.2018875615776812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426184710286469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458655499592275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628357085353597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072660251039844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24953681034381545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622014736414422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KacyRaider,2019/04/20,I’m writing my suicide note tonight I can’t take this shit anymore. I need to at least write something in case I ever get the fucking guts to finally end myself. I can’t do this anymore. I want out. I want release. I can’t live in this household for 2 more years. I can’t do this,-1.2086520947176669,0.8470976065573765,1.174644808743171,98.71293260473593,97.52459016393442,3.3668488160291434,23.171220400728608,5.033348758259628,0.021359198542805213,218,10,50,1,9,73,39,61,0.161,0.7909999999999999,0.048,-0.8462,0,0,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,6,3,2,0,1,7,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,7,13,2,9,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,5,31,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5225359143660513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233335242616966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830227709365984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885925640649203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435518757471765,0.13763982773777084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326279252335487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953421065794368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704238594613253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028138463137178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288167512674776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807884473438445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107749278689733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169650791277126
suicidewatch,amoniceguy,2019/04/20,My mind is blank Sorry I'm really just too far gone right now. But I've been researching how to overdose on various OTC meds. Jumping from a height is a viable option for me as well. Really just scared to fail and end up being a vegetable lmao. Don't really know why I'm posting. I'm confused but numb.,0.3755952380952401,2.748182492063492,2.8399801587301603,88.7275892857143,89.15873015873017,6.324603174603175,18.98611111111111,7.6454224807358475,0.8751920634920634,239,7,49,5,8,82,50,63,0.165,0.7709999999999999,0.064,-0.6415,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,2,0,2,1,7,7,1,10,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,2,2,27,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24993464356513725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508304157250366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134470443346493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284929247318343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702579198862057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423302144089194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409868495162936,0.0,0.0,0.2825192277757028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31588615236784473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25372073229371084,0.0,0.2546306087351524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,wmbkylee,2019/04/20,"I just want to feel like someone is listening. After I got out of the hospital a few months ago, I decided to just stop telling people I was feeling depressed/suicidal because I didn't want people to think I was just doing it for attention. My therapist is the only one who knows and I can only see her every 3 weeks. 

I remember when I was a kid how I would just lose it and start screaming sometimes because I was going through all of this terrible shit and nobody would listen to me or believe me. Now I'm still carrying all of that but I can't scream anymore because people will think I'm crazy. Therapy taught me all these skills for getting shit done and having positive interactions with people and acting like an adult, but the pain and fear and hate are all still there and they have nowhere to go except towards myself. I think about suicide nearly every day. I ""rehearse"" methods, trying to find the best way to do it, trying to decide if I'm ready. Sometimes I feel like I deserve it, sometimes I just want the pain to stop.",4.892019704433498,5.967745763546803,5.585197044334979,80.84557881773401,69.19704433497537,8.164532019704433,30.756157635467982,8.418075326091056,2.353193103448275,822,33,152,12,14,267,119,203,0.198,0.67,0.132,-0.9588,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,3,12,14,3,1,8,0,18,4,2,1,4,44,41,14,1,6,10,0,3,3,0,3,2,4,0,2,8,10,0,2,12,0,0,3,2,10,0,1,8,8,24,4,22,30,6,19,0,1,1,0,9,3,2,2,15,110,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764628412025088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924474558240864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144947569636187,0.0,0.0,0.1241076281282335,0.115601495637149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104124260048217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272741376614367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562167108040287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395566381838165,0.16709392831584613,0.15739035100133747,0.0,0.0,0.10068021361624074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755174926669587,0.0,0.1252079206584501,0.0,0.08810148822154296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875583953521828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060538631442245985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144937128948242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323592849277044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792514098627051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464427862789869,0.16755657998036375,0.2344266285968669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054720648737135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478480991242387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777974333159581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614626029758586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333447393212482,0.0,0.3268400855207568,0.0,0.07796869356430172,0.0,0.1759407929233483,0.1841900113488415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409846729518249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628084095748797,0.0,0.12597251731112316,0.12789913022248547,0.0,0.21174976253797972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957682960395796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19491786303125225,0.08743638001526746,0.08836016980911046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650274122458918,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Katafushi,2019/04/20,"I’m so lonely I don’t have any friends, and I’m not exaggerating. It seems like no one wants to get close to me or be my friend and it’s so frustrating.... I feel so alone and stuck... like there’s nothing I can do to fix my situation. I try talking to my boyfriend about it, but he just points out what I’m doing wrong and what I could do better, but I’ve literally done everything... people just aren’t interested in getting to know me or getting close to me and it’s upsetting. I just want to end it all. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I feel like there’s no hope for me.",-0.3964304461942234,1.677647204724412,2.1135748031496067,94.98936482939631,88.76377952755905,5.591391076115485,19.49028871391076,7.03164865440522,0.17889438320209994,453,14,111,7,15,155,69,127,0.121,0.662,0.217,0.8794,1,3,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,1,1,0,0,11,0,0,0,1,27,26,13,0,5,8,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,2,2,15,9,12,22,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,4,5,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919210875662804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601440613517215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377371755259408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388806149025129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795172931236014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189632332314476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412607743442892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654104682741205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187392520792716,0.13238261371849913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863338476022861,0.0,0.2904441451534284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840506284750931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183930857613163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621245244668309,0.0,0.16362855624414716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780606482979322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556811317879532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846781936977025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517402688240946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869558493714407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829166127524548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894191011008726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581058196210684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32789476615732704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260297571154795,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,SpaceMan420gmt,2019/04/20,"Fuck life I just find life to be a series of shitty letdowns and problems,I'm never happy (I'm mixed up in some legal shit that could put me in jail).  The only shit I am guilty of is trying to help my mental health.   Life without escape is something I don't want to deal with.  I've tried so many antidepressants and nothing works.  I still just wanna die.  I have a plan to use a camp cooker in my car to kill myself with carbon monoxide poison.",2.2176098901098875,4.019086736263739,3.6286675824175854,89.3069574175824,77.24175824175825,4.9895604395604405,19.06730769230769,5.148860815047168,-0.2781549450549448,347,7,70,1,8,114,68,91,0.332,0.628,0.04,-0.9845,0,0,1,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,5,0,4,0,7,8,2,1,1,14,11,3,2,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,9,1,15,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,2,4,3,1,2,44,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512005440928761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952373304600024,0.0,0.0,0.1965413725712386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308533770092185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507415468300386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015932304821787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129679096241232,0.0,0.0,0.12693408422694027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095154016754161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4012835318854534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199654696003965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908454789431083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460576902250718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171043941310636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402823647383742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037420109401804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887814738117928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579014262342194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512351358062343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571464157090153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355921430356515,0.0,0.0,0.1116982934876098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255076166838366,0.0,0.13786727019571715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RecoveringAsthmatic,2019/04/20,Anyone wanna talk? Feeling blue and I don't have anyone to talk to.,-1.2659523809523812,0.11850050000000326,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,115.42857142857143,1.866666666666667,11.809523809523812,3.1291,-1.5040190476190476,53,1,10,0,3,18,11,14,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6386034186319656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308969816230437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7340791902710049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,DynamicStraight,2019/04/20,"I feel like exploding. I really didnt expect to write this much so if you decide to read it thank you- Ian.
Ok so i feel like i need to talk about what ive been feeling to someone, ill give some backstory im 18 and when i was about 15 i started having problems with depression wich i talked about with my father and he said that depression was for weak people and a whole bunch of other shit ,my mother didnt do anything and then it worsed and i started having problems with anxiety started seeing a psychologist and a handful of traumatic events later i also failed the 2nd year of highschool ,at this point im 17, and started becoming paranoic my parents separated so i was living with my mother, my relationship with her became terrible we would constantly argue with each other and scream and i would punch stuff i started locking my room and had a hard time leaving it i would only leave my room at night because my mother would be asleep, i started repeating things a lot like picking up a cup and putting it down repeatedly i had difficulty going through doors(still have now) because i tought i had to do it in a certain way,etc i started keeping plates and cups in my room because i didnt want to take plates and cups to the kitchen ,stopped taking showers because i felt vulnerable in them i would not eat for like 3 days or eat very little i went to the grocery store and stole cookies until i got caught, this lasted for about 2-3 months my father institutionalized me i hadnt taken a shower in a month and my room was a mess, i started taking medication at the hospital and there i stayed for 21 days until i was let go.all these are faint memories for me now i realise while writing this hard to get the details right, i went right back to living with my mother and got a new psychologist and a psychiatrist and tried to get back into school wich i couldnt do because i couldnt accept that i had failed it and was in a different class or year wich my friends were in i also started having behavorial problems to try to avoid being there like staying in the bathroom for a long time and also felt very uneasy there, i decided to stop school in august,So i had nothing to do and nothing to do i had for 7 months in i could go back to school in wich i was living with my mother because i had tried living with my father and it didnt work out at all, i remember during this time and before i got institutionalized i thought a lot ( seriously) about killing my mother i feel like i came close to doing it several times because i hated her so much and it would change my life because i felt imprisoned in my own home i thought she was the doom of my life, okay surprise surprise in january of this year i started having panic attacks i thought i had them before but boy did i not know what a real one was like at first they lasted for about 20-30 mins but then they started lasting for 3-4h and i was catatonic during them, anyways im living with alone at my fathers house now. 
  What i actually wanted to write about is this feeling i get that i shouldve transcended into some other state of being after all that ive been trough. i feel that if i were a character in a story that my story shouldve ended i shouldve died it shouldve been done. All the accumulation of my life. 
Also my psychiatrist and psychologist havent come to a conclusion on what i have but my psychyatrist thinks i have schizophrenia, does anybody relate to the last part of my post ? Does it sound absolutely crazy ? thank you very much for reading.My anniversary is in 27/02",4.0337650823628195,5.563819466005668,5.119653761410137,81.64356835589133,71.76203966005666,7.665890252859093,28.08823838002308,8.226894021818545,1.9125715874514744,2837,106,545,43,54,934,286,706,0.109,0.8420000000000001,0.048,-0.983,4,2,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,3,5,5,26,36,5,2,28,2,62,13,3,1,4,106,114,48,2,18,9,11,12,7,1,6,7,3,8,1,34,45,3,4,19,1,1,8,10,20,0,2,45,16,101,16,86,56,15,100,1,5,1,0,35,35,1,8,60,384,135,9,0.0,0.0,0.050726812737995036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383754687478174,0.0,0.1662795506060125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03976599304573142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427766550056138,0.0,0.0,0.0591368885744475,0.0,0.11991256254488293,0.0,0.2535013542383229,0.05740989830249764,0.08846549607448488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945341829288212,0.0,0.0,0.054989932514951864,0.04477778359401401,0.0,0.05617394131951699,0.0,0.04150329837677872,0.0,0.0,0.06704801964764076,0.0,0.08954382767771292,0.0,0.05394898066104298,0.05430999689622327,0.0,0.0,0.09097938040098093,0.053195507119190175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638087337374612,0.0,0.0,0.04604051331356978,0.0,0.05797353280008157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577015910564364,0.11140758832477607,0.14973225912197,0.0,0.0,0.04421575737788515,0.0,0.0,0.04016106863921587,0.0,0.08147515459343888,0.04986575233278438,0.08862749457620372,0.0,0.12472396520041255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313110166652004,0.051321340949514085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521420602154927,0.0,0.0,0.059980105964858116,0.0,0.0,0.1684480394336348,0.0,0.0,0.046203880028286785,0.057510244307878364,0.0,0.02856787973999657,0.16948866826866768,0.0,0.11008260270320648,0.0,0.05315499033898747,0.11014900943279253,0.17777003318656515,0.05209949612500616,0.2295047453762683,0.046002324701369945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838626458571178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236627154472162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447431304493478,0.0,0.11463798045123826,0.038543902574695726,0.0,0.0502044199956795,0.0,0.048781469505786025,0.0,0.09975602442945243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03522426464422058,0.03953455927634164,0.0,0.06098953165099383,0.05771972192825477,0.056291306375000016,0.0,0.036037687858726866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049139675077492465,0.0,0.04978426832363365,0.0,0.0,0.1492189057782942,0.0,0.052256143115414704,0.0,0.0,0.051995943277592674,0.059166755446261085,0.03330092099368852,0.0,0.0,0.055809081411550464,0.058885332522875436,0.08878447657584185,0.04944666803758357,0.0,0.0,0.1578253018154582,0.04142282524997496,0.0,0.0,0.05872472410249669,0.05335864896446119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404407505367063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047234350994567,0.11081152733401156,0.0,0.08691835226804212,0.0,0.0,0.059506811744036416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725170513269287,0.08356212617232159,0.0,0.0957158553196272,0.0,0.0,0.034534448786377216,0.033307887360755364,0.0,0.1238034099165822,0.12124420025936394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587684536837537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867147565044898,0.061320514824942225,0.041260793805023115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637544012397156,0.0,0.05803590844620074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0378434250065269,0.0,0.052973972828196256,0.22155860070354413,0.0,0.0,0.10042387202443424
suicidewatch,throwaway-mkq7nlct7z,2019/04/20,"So close... why didn't she just leave me to die?! (Throwaway - obviously)

Was so close this time. Successful actually; it was just a matter of time. I was unconscious and fading. My body was going to lose the fight to stay alive.  Finally, blissfully, it seemed like it was done.

Until she came over...

Then i wake up in the ICU, spend a week in the ER, and then 3 days in ""volunteery"" in-patient care.

Balls.

Next time I guess =\",0.5585104052573939,3.0181368554216874,2.2804381161007683,92.15226725082148,90.0843373493976,6.391675794085432,18.38882803943045,7.686295010490155,0.6670819277108442,321,9,70,7,11,105,59,83,0.085,0.7490000000000001,0.166,0.7303,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,5,0,7,2,2,0,1,11,12,7,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,8,0,7,3,10,4,0,21,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,12,41,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.2180134474367401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481553169297625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555186100667693,0.2277787878909165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407932529377948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318616649613077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22862339006199275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24473194493985975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696760409554073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461084969082481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365562354774078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914559690024173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499357947473502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23759636100894396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338175482049148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812261983220825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39081204771499295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920398324865466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015904777306753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,seeiouslyspecial99,2019/04/20,"Fuck It’s all good, I’m gunna be dead in less than a year. I might have to take Brooklyn with me. Me and her can go to hell together. If I do die, & anyone’s reading this. Please burry her with me, I can’t be without her.",-0.7223529411764709,0.7826944117647088,2.0389803921568657,98.61141176470586,85.27450980392156,4.864313725490196,18.04313725490196,5.6839178017228535,-0.5940698039215686,169,4,44,1,5,59,40,51,0.277,0.629,0.094,-0.9149,0,0,0,1,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,7,11,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,7,8,2,3,1,0,0,1,3,1,2,2,1,30,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450342088410104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226636218684432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304948527733633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943965752320569,0.0,0.0,0.18097920425761152,0.2670959261007645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378190229955826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495561564579024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31853042277681315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943044304967198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069688906308505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050676546184368
suicidewatch,InherentlyBad,2019/04/20,"This year has been hard for me I have never been suicidal. Never was on my purview. I’ve been depressed before, I’ve had low points, heartbreaks, and loneliness, but it’s never crossed my mind. But now I can’t help but think of different ways to do it. Nothing is going right for me. I don’t understand how every day is worse than the last. Life is supposed to be ebb and flow, but mine is only going in one direction. I’m just sick and tired of always losing. I fucking hate me.",1.9893424036281149,3.9214281836734735,3.4668707482993177,89.60114512471658,78.38775510204081,6.396371882086169,23.133786848072557,7.3871296695380915,0.9183773242630392,374,12,78,5,9,123,69,98,0.268,0.679,0.052000000000000005,-0.9726,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,1,0,15,4,0,1,3,15,22,8,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,5,1,10,0,9,16,0,17,0,4,0,1,1,5,1,0,7,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950550401748595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311823155566116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362734489188887,0.0,0.1651065270149557,0.0,0.0,0.20028035884287487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151121172752386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17721883596365834,0.0,0.0,0.2178892460748344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171720967843583,0.18925901618641025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848904335161207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625691972286926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539976920234986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144575471536654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935571918345559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435407480692065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839364160492033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989741789897755,0.1457926011980905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121363138260205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637063878153432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096830952424254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283034458015292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203250754648649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956113994750307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215848023711742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953534688583576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344522356155326
suicidewatch,oxymoronjuan,2019/04/20,"Help me I’m 23 years old, I live with my family that went to Las Vegas this weekend but kept it from me all week, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I’ve been having a difficult time with my girlfriend whom almost left me last week. I grabbed a knife earlier but put it away and started crying. But I’m back in the kitchen. I don’t know what to do",3.2824324324324285,3.8124807567567593,4.214432432432435,91.20759459459462,72.51351351351352,7.541621621621622,26.962162162162162,7.554174236665415,1.1775329729729735,272,9,63,3,5,88,54,74,0.136,0.838,0.025,-0.8422,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,12,11,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,1,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,1,10,0,8,7,1,14,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,9,37,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887545003914565,0.2470680120564696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412753246703385,0.18343182511310888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620382591004555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22488567108753305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989643122765412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110198487396926,0.19445178488831327,0.0,0.2525922092544603,0.2591875336688314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106458577301985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032027990990713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398107296250433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688483905365766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938370554565487,0.13910163663813382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382704179787305,0.0,0.0,0.2211401687550748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536197187302402
suicidewatch,CSI_gal,2019/04/20,I can't think of an interesting title. I am just done. I. Want. To. Die. I'm so tired...I can't type it all. I've tried to write this like 30 times. I just don't have it in me to even try anymore. It really doesn't matter why. It is just a matter of time.,-3.7877272727272735,-2.6056104999999974,0.1072727272727274,104.00863636363638,112.33333333333331,3.515151515151515,8.787878787878787,5.565023196281405,-1.8286666666666669,190,2,54,2,11,69,42,60,0.117,0.7609999999999999,0.122,0.0696,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,11,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,6,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311335623256112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465297114494768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416899356864546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053412722660806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312395671847393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139013268007428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394607376611527,0.0,0.0,0.3893930637427146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453384811910855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969395904042071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012877962841791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BlueViolet2004,2019/04/20,"I’m really trying but nothing helps I’m just so tired. I’ve been fine all week, but today... it feels like I’ve been hit with a truck. I haven’t relapsed in 5 months but I’m getting there. I just need guidance, but everywhere I turn... nothing helps. Not anymore.",-0.3488888888888901,1.9197795740740773,1.4647222222222247,96.58375000000002,95.85185185185185,4.181481481481482,19.712962962962962,5.985473137389443,-0.012881481481481494,203,7,44,2,8,66,37,54,0.197,0.7020000000000001,0.101,-0.7363,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,11,5,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,2,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26652728598108577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358878207536477,0.19199469442835992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041052000936152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36027424582241274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312974292225898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451328456705732,0.0,0.0,0.1992743467886227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157447813667829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216780956771602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088880122706372,0.25474309919881605,0.0,0.0,0.18246326735195306,0.2923222794861693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557463585545966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ushimmyshookmybones,2019/04/20,"I just realized that my narcissistic family is the main reason I feel like I can't kill myself I was born and grew up in an abusive environment. I was abused at home by my ""family"" (phisically, emotionally), I was bullied at school and harassed on the street and in hospital. A few years ago I went no contact with everyone in my family that's full of narcissists, except my father. We have a toxic codependent relationship, but I'm the only one who's aware of this.

Here's the problem: if I'd kill myself, my father would inevitably tell the whole ""family"" about it and I would give them indirectly a great, great satisfaction, because they will feel like won the War they created between me and them. So it's like, after all these years, they still manage to control me by not letting me taking my own life, because that would make them happy, and I don't want to make them happy, because they don't deserve that.

At the same time, I simply can't move forward neither. The life I have right now is not worth living. It was never worth living. I've been through a lot and I just feel like I'm too damaged to ever function properly. I do have dreams, but I desperately need instant gratification - and I don't know how to get that.

It's like my abusive ""family"" didn't let me live my life when I wanted to do that. And now, when I finally want to give up, they don't let me kill myself neither.

What to do if you want to live your life, but you're now allowed to do that?

What to do if you want to kill yourself, but you're not allowed to do that?",5.549113969274742,5.382245906752414,6.590777063236871,78.58358610217934,67.42443729903536,9.740693104680243,30.46105752054305,9.444778638647367,2.505966630939622,1211,41,246,22,18,407,146,311,0.116,0.677,0.206,0.9916,2,0,0,0,1,3,43.0,1,3,9,2,14,18,6,0,13,0,30,4,0,7,3,52,50,20,5,13,13,2,3,5,0,4,4,0,1,0,17,11,0,1,6,1,2,4,14,8,0,1,8,3,46,10,31,35,10,31,0,1,0,0,21,13,0,5,21,182,63,2,0.0,0.28886547452552863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720385804582395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861942155782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114821558643353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141480264099568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351094834502095,0.0,0.0776544119261099,0.0,0.0,0.3830580082689535,0.0,0.12327360439277572,0.1741721802234302,0.0,0.08902438251312005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04245882326618376,0.15591804710758894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791950260086359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302115781026464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815177533742022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596410186022371,0.0,0.044662396641875816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24930403834182696,0.22960606078205656,0.19851555076836574,0.0,0.2870421483842004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909057379386244,0.0,0.0,0.1084931413319822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637430560234431,0.0,0.06025869194999229,0.06267837121660917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055068842814961085,0.06180746291050908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776185488728272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355634542707045,0.0,0.08725069388792185,0.0,0.06940185173980394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822468718243375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490019093448794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110291475640355,0.0,0.07103122428459635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738763089695948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396678700275784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533562470381444,0.0,0.0907320664356773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318992858589133,0.0,0.0,0.10466698603440698
suicidewatch,Doogadoooo,2019/04/20,"Please help I’m sorry Hi! I’m sorry for adding to your workload. 

Can anyone help me feel better? 

Why the fuck do I exist in the first place. Why is this torture inflected upon us?",-1.2958783783783794,0.05003113513513924,1.2029391891891912,94.67576013513514,116.02702702702706,2.9310810810810812,12.733108108108109,5.148860815047168,-1.0016999999999996,140,3,28,1,8,47,30,37,0.237,0.542,0.221,-0.1967,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,4,1,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001319573407864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215042699741382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294182143647404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068196919948026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247843727159977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32595100688499673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540356084895097,0.2669010714423851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443636295667724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924744578454888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43880252847694656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,mamadvicethrowaway,2019/04/20,"I want to run away and do it I'm sick of having BPD. I'm sick of feeling abandoned, unlovable and like no one cares about me. I want to run far, far away and kill myself. I'm so tired of living with my brain.",-1.5795035460992892,0.313507255319152,0.7713829787234054,103.4841666666667,93.46808510638296,3.1333333333333333,14.21631205673759,3.1291,-1.5899475177304965,159,3,41,0,6,53,31,47,0.377,0.472,0.151,-0.9541,0,2,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,8,9,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,5,2,9,9,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5197080097927903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483401339971392,0.30875236278577595,0.0,0.0,0.28198956234667355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984607681055142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30599242489550843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512197244945034,0.0,0.2442233184987189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741631657735186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178855650954173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262655767322937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,So_very_tired13,2019/04/20,"I lost everything tonight. I need help. I don’t even know where to start. I have been in an abusive relationship for almost 10 years. I know I didn’t deserve what happened but I was too weak and too stupid to leave. 
I have also been at times nasty and controlling and a horrible person. 
About an hour ago he left me. The relationship I have built my life around is over. I am completely alone in this world and all I can think about is killing myself. I need help but I have no one to reach out to. He was my only friend and my only family.",0.7032848232848252,3.0350755585585603,2.1976576576576607,94.5144074844075,86.2072072072072,5.937907137907138,18.44837144837145,7.321109707123232,0.2595677061677062,421,11,95,7,13,136,72,111,0.279,0.636,0.085,-0.9791,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,2,0,4,0,14,2,0,1,1,17,22,8,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,6,0,18,1,13,16,1,15,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,6,66,20,0,0.0,0.2069806502013728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485331620874532,0.0,0.17492812433946914,0.1809275248931485,0.0,0.13970058666242322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551231281597505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183160526916017,0.0,0.19593117132910556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153819702754486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700129557254358,0.0,0.16468343074902966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496608162436138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447895864576572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341838208877875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203576275737695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327006452997672,0.0,0.1920115634103604,0.0,0.0,0.18497288599730344,0.18980263191312352,0.0,0.1233896465878428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069621340407425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590628027232388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183753604725495,0.2657212437352145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253372374605614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37510620570573616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364741646519666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119351450692502,0.0,0.0,0.10186391437743646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249548354439112
suicidewatch,theprincessdj,2019/04/20,"Help I don't want to kill myself but at the same time I do. I need someone I can talk to. I'm tired of constantly being blamed, lied on, and made to feel like shit.",0.6488288288288295,1.6645888378378402,2.614594594594596,98.28423423423423,79.54054054054055,6.014414414414415,17.738738738738736,6.42735559955562,-0.5052990990990991,125,2,33,1,3,42,30,37,0.364,0.48,0.156,-0.8988,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,7,9,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,1,6,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346661998512894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622019850014607,0.2291737432634699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501999772018168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35490862414895485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672268145429938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035409804239004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378630728620057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292881975782134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718058715857369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578403168660971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705629239605068,0.3687030114662281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921132930785065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,asdrubalivan,2019/04/20,"I survived an attempt a month ago... I really fear a relapse To make the history short, I attempted on my life last month... I live in Venezuela and I'll be forced to leave the country due to blackouts and not being able to work remotely thanks to bad internet. I'll be leaving alone and while I have some emotional support my inexperience living alone will make it hard and I fear this will have serious consequences. I'm on treatment, I receive emotional support here but I'm living on my savings and I can't live with my family my entire life; my passport is going to expire soon and I won't be able to leave Venezuela ever if that happens since new passports are not being given.

Anyway, I feel awful and I don't want to make a fuss of it on social media",3.639282560706405,5.289414158940404,5.102930463576161,80.88940673289186,72.97350993377485,7.947240618101546,29.139624724061807,8.59863814320734,2.338800883002207,602,25,113,11,12,202,89,151,0.15,0.778,0.07200000000000001,-0.8034,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,0,2,6,1,14,2,0,3,1,20,27,10,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,2,17,4,15,18,1,17,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,9,73,21,1,0.2471251425039264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953076407593017,0.0,0.0,0.2559471185905963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316958578334008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779825231820874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176941978810816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164837953891236,0.2780844901961967,0.06247694866485174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702234567430626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926597368645287,0.0,0.1106877936793546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071998724704803,0.0,0.3925047657869345,0.0,0.0,0.17455179650924588,0.0,0.0,0.4364320567469206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474369273693271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725293103524905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933750128226267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915734714447117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221223580000344,0.0,0.0,0.1259564807898598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28043468314802283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375981445380585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728804059202388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995502349455023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,ryangcsling,2019/04/20,hi how are you doing?,-3.858000000000001,-2.9027367999999982,0.5200000000000031,100.24000000000002,117.0,2.0,5.0,3.1291,-2.655,16,0,4,0,1,6,5,5,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Overevery1thisyear,2019/04/20,"I've been depressed and wanting to kill myself since I was 16 and I'm not 27 and a new mom. Nothing has changed and some days were better than others,  but the last 2 years have been awful and I was at the lowest I've been. 
I still am and I'm so unhappy in life and nothing will change that now because of my choices last year. 

My daughter is barely 2 months and I feel bad knowing that I wont be around, but shes so young she probably wont remember and she still has her dad too. 

This is my last year and I'm scared and also relieved.  
I know my friends and family will be disappointed but this isnt what I wanted at all for me and my life. 
I was finally getting better last year and I let everyone influence big life decisions knowing I wasnt happy and not what I wanted to do. 
I suck.",1.3990138067061153,3.0397810118343216,3.4667218934911226,90.27507297830375,79.11834319526629,6.6368441814595664,23.69270216962525,7.554174236665415,0.9807393293885602,617,21,138,9,15,210,93,169,0.209,0.7170000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9789,1,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,2,1,3,1,24,3,0,1,1,33,36,21,1,3,5,3,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,7,16,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,8,1,23,5,9,21,2,21,0,2,0,0,8,5,1,1,16,94,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034936617077785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520738085991067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805667579424688,0.07889058907841448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289152802544112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27380923040960936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346239857276244,0.0,0.11146552388338896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366221528466567,0.0,0.0,0.122001572634776,0.0,0.06543644946553479,0.0,0.0,0.1417685368140727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998622287398913,0.0,0.06761434428828612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776538341629613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317926040668627,0.0,0.21337039731543253,0.4219641641601868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233628713029458,0.2742303374801671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157006442962986,0.10329835026720988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499045710267173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835564464753446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953197707693973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660272201751198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956765886739138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705397663649044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670303680860294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289981393590528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33335778455189
suicidewatch,br2148,2019/04/20,"Friend has tried to commit suicide everyday for the last 3 days and I don’t know how to help. I was hoping to get some advice as I’m really stuck on what to do in my current situation. A good friend has had a really rough time for the last 2 years and now when he lost his job something snapped. He’s been suicidal and tried to kill himself 3 days in a row. He is delusional and thinks he has done millions of dollars in damage to his apartment which because he is broke and can’t pay for it, he believes the police are coming for him to take him to jail. When I visited, the place was fine. I’ve been going to him daily for the last week since he wasn’t eating at all and so thin as a stick. Just being there for him hoping that him having someone to listen to him would help but today when I went to visit he seemed worse. Extremely paranoid. He thought he was being watched and didn’t want me to come in because he thought the people he thought were watching him would kill me too. After calling around multiple hospitals trying to get help for him I’ve been advised to call the emergency services. But I’m the only person he trusts right now and I have had a similar experience with my uncle in the past who is a schizophrenic. When the problems first started surfacing with my uncle were told that we need to call the police and emergency services to commit him. The emergency services came and my uncle acted normal so they didn’t do anything and left. Once the police and ambulance left, he lost the whole families trust and ran away and was found a week later, heavily malnourished, living in the forest. By doing what we were advised to do by the health professionals the situation was made worse. Now again I’m faced with this same scenario, my friend needs help. I’ve found help and been advised to call the emergency services. I just don’t see how this can go well and how trying getting him committed will work. I need to do something and would be great if anyone here maybe had similar experiences with good outcomes since right now, every option just seems like it will make things worse and something needs to happen now. Because my friend lost his job, he is currently being kicked out of his flat and is broke with no future money coming in. He has to move out end of this month at which point I feel the situation will just get worse and harder to deal with. Please if anyone has another option or ideas I would appreciate it.",6.6362869982953665,6.514787820083683,6.669256159925617,78.77954827212152,65.15062761506276,9.675623740895707,31.09282504261584,9.250403328903447,2.5316910584224392,1950,64,372,31,27,622,218,478,0.134,0.735,0.131,-0.6582,4,0,3,0,0,3,31.0,2,0,1,5,24,23,2,0,26,0,52,4,1,5,4,81,96,36,4,15,9,0,3,1,4,7,2,1,0,1,14,35,1,0,11,0,3,12,7,9,1,2,33,7,35,14,58,52,4,66,0,6,3,0,57,23,0,10,32,240,49,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506782881146507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698220425371275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093118046789274,0.0,0.054795244729682696,0.05927634963333892,0.0,0.0,0.0625604698301121,0.0,0.0,0.12177204549103895,0.0,0.0,0.07502049675718829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27197018072878537,0.0761575351075753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207583974236196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588592644167485,0.06864804429845774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814139232562881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813489729744895,0.0,0.0,0.058976121301822004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610223232597302,0.0,0.0,0.13026929176242738,0.06277208822332203,0.0,0.03366827566369137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663867934768466,0.0,0.14601793035349156,0.20577911801683585,0.0,0.1391553729403829,0.0,0.0756856008562674,0.11169966038983373,0.0,0.07341215781277177,0.0,0.0,0.05888246787581609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707786312718307,0.0,0.0,0.22315856850901586,0.0,0.0,0.13227138990097725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516836738722024,0.0,0.0,0.13215420530563668,0.0,0.1473368084017077,0.0,0.036594351792018864,0.16283133385729054,0.0,0.0,0.14469345824627847,0.0,0.0,0.03253093630086416,0.0,0.058797344896957225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806200193684985,0.0,0.0,0.06300601934092848,0.044447191367259206,0.0,0.0668953683684335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314893092163808,0.07077120715998324,0.0,0.1974930086646866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524090472464672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091274540859567,0.0,0.050642245181232434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356461404833823,0.04616288780531588,0.058141006174512684,0.069569010732754,0.0730922866056614,0.06294602795508256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371455380155408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531439007250669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137294891695384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053061041043751166,0.12123620372648727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101625416944458,0.22453898503303935,0.0,0.0,0.05641876091390668,0.1537852645113096,0.0,0.0,0.047130464185966066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456702553128697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050064970226364004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044237296548921216,0.042666118683702035,0.0,0.15858739174108094,0.03882728572626022,0.0,0.06311647975279333,0.06362651988903789,0.0,0.1808322055540351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03927460686608017,0.0,0.10682379371201556,0.0,0.05986951016913052,0.06172661030684683,0.0,0.07434175968180982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847596742592195,0.0,0.27143046178282393,0.1892053464819929,0.0,0.0,0.04287970189627228
suicidewatch,Panroace,2019/04/20,"Panic Attacks? I don’t call them panic attacks or anxiety attacks. I don’t know what they are. They never happened too frequently before.  Now I’ve gotten 2 in less than 24 hours apart. Hell I almost committed suicide yesterday cuz of them. Just a feeling of reality hitting me. My chest starts to feel heavy.  I try to breathe but it feels like I can’t. My heart starts to beat faster.  I want to gasp for air but that’s too loud and then I start getting dizzy. An incredible feeling of loneliness just hits.  I feel like i’m driving full speed in a burning car with broken brakes. I know it’s all going to hell, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it.   Then all of a sudden the seatbelt breaks and even though the seatbelt wasn’t doing anything, everything feels like it’s crashing down around me.  After I didn’t commit suicide, I stumbled around and texted a friend happy birthday at 12:23 AM. I tried to pull on my fuzzy socks to go to sleep since it’s cold outside and my feet freeze easy. But I couldn’t find one. And I started to quietly sob and pull my hair just because I was so done and barely holding on and my one sock being missing just threw me over the edge. So far music is the only solution besides writing it all out. So far I’ve just been going on Spotify and playing owlcity songs just because I know his voice sounds nice. Any soothing quiet songs or owlcity like songs anyone could recommend?",2.7946153846153834,4.971209714285717,3.739285714285714,87.43494505494509,76.85714285714286,6.307692307692308,26.48351648351648,7.321109707123232,1.3970082417582417,1120,44,217,14,26,359,165,280,0.149,0.684,0.168,0.7114,0,0,0,0,0,3,26.0,0,0,4,1,17,17,5,2,9,0,17,6,6,1,6,50,42,22,2,3,12,0,8,4,1,0,0,8,0,0,8,13,0,3,10,4,0,8,7,9,0,2,7,17,31,8,29,30,5,41,2,2,0,0,8,16,3,3,20,135,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110237365983178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545114612770233,0.0,0.08487795541134179,0.0,0.0,0.07758019905975784,0.0,0.09130401979493827,0.1975415577389428,0.0,0.3786716594112245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527058545357254,0.0,0.09441195675180518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329436928056287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858612194084199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354238975382518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732827315422034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971647882033972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33660390672483625,0.23779233435566124,0.0,0.0,0.10140809296511057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572121886434593,0.0,0.05796782635153636,0.0,0.1891696888898753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811446301646,0.11811043806147227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147862183879094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926534351692956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292890762059968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21682211780344587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557300130301286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646141017776828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503678562952616,0.08438397491055677,0.0,0.26035646800412793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178061834699497,0.0,0.11103210086780788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141295093184626,0.0,0.0,0.09276081726099496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427268997562333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090097498242241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065821274199073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544234815318739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_athrowaway__,2019/04/20,"i am about to attempt suicide by dehydration i'm too ashamed of myself as far as what I've done for those with whom I've had relationships and my family
my family doesn't check in on me often enough to realize what I'm doing
we have a long weekend, so if I'm lucky, I'll at least be unconscious before Tuesday when school resumes
wish me luck 💙",5.567191780821919,4.889190616438358,7.045308219178088,77.05645547945207,67.49315068493149,10.587671232876714,31.948630136986303,10.125756701596842,2.945441095890411,277,10,58,6,4,96,58,73,0.102,0.78,0.118,0.0422,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,1,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,11,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,12,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,4,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469543089518753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29699397579601866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998729763613813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5471837722767229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25683397055144475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115857310430765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937163080480665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31745160176539616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337366023385601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,AJSkyeWolf,2019/04/20,"Someone please help me... I joined looking for the most painless but also effective suicide method, but I had a small pang of good judgment enough to create this post and seek help. I have been to the hospital various times, recently even, and lost the resources I received there. I have seen therapists and counselors and even did residential treatment for years and nothing worked. I am feeling so hopeless and alone and broken and I don't know what else to do. My mother commit suicide recently, her memorial was today. My boyfriend has been extremely dismissive and unsupportive recently and I have no friends to turn to. My family even disowned me and they only invited me out of obligation. They hate me and blame me. I want to die, I feel so depressed... Someone, please help me... Is anyone out there?",5.4655977011494254,7.78414070344828,5.479741379310343,77.29731321839084,69.55172413793103,8.971264367816094,34.15229885057472,9.516144504307137,3.6189195402298866,642,32,106,15,12,201,91,145,0.24,0.579,0.181,-0.9539,0,1,1,0,0,5,24.0,0,0,2,3,8,6,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,1,1,23,22,17,3,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,7,4,22,2,12,15,3,11,0,3,2,0,9,3,0,1,6,79,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815227436209044,0.0,0.11439364826318965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002092633111263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232051095901094,0.0,0.1484589222283794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949638317420345,0.0,0.0,0.14780451595081495,0.0,0.2834411402043254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134850818467945,0.0,0.14465647577313934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051680481561646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998000267708328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122808014761767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28764168722105804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861421262426968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012241736100455,0.0,0.15615135256361445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725627149132202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879275176329513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314042592860723,0.0,0.0,0.13699830337280391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237213135029739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424044285135296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129377038643211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608716084640646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341113713546383,0.0,0.13559066130155298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559271797102836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437209961942851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041390221105036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211678406813713
suicidewatch,throwawayx120421,2019/04/20,"I dont want to be here I tried to get help, I meet with a psychiatrist and a therapist but it's hard and I'm still stuck 
I feel like I just fuck everything up. At 10 am this morning I took the last few pills of xanax and drank and hoped it was all over
I'm at such a weird point, I dont want to be here but I dont want to die yet either. I just dont know what to do anymore",-2.660333333333334,-0.995583144444442,0.4461111111111116,105.2225,97.11111111111113,4.333333333333334,13.055555555555555,5.985473137389443,-1.3074444444444446,287,5,84,3,12,100,55,90,0.168,0.687,0.146,0.2598,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,4,0,9,4,0,0,1,17,22,6,1,4,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,2,9,2,11,16,3,9,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,4,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111682915016431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860800192811756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7616084129024836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600872064582612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214474071336662,0.11606157420650465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019180452530936,0.0848787308209766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455323972478255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889362396368914,0.0,0.0,0.16135960058878052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928385788319085,0.13242671759539565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936983034980144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15357736751819365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974089748138964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862877296891287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180499220796632,0.11029978774560296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28746964322079377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,blackbeans76,2019/04/20,"Please help, i just cant anymore and just wanna die I have a really bad situation at home with my abusive step dad and my mom is way to blinded and naive to do something. I just can't take it anymore and all I want is just to die",-0.6488235294117644,1.355463627450984,2.0700980392156865,95.36044117647059,89.19607843137254,4.968627450980391,20.264705882352946,6.42735559955562,0.07384705882352982,179,6,43,2,6,62,35,51,0.297,0.598,0.105,-0.9273,0,0,1,0,0,2,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,12,8,4,2,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,8,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,29,7,0,0.0,0.2778410489271647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651167774648767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579551657858155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867425142689867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571786502118221,0.0,0.23521999097548066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27464049624621445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25740770400015694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022502569400234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635848791528685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052753892933535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631284551722315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831262980522838,0.1861331045675675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Aibaxaro,2019/04/20,"I just attempted to kill myself I dont know wether to think I'm a coward, brave for getting this far, I dont know if I should be doing this or if I should try again, I dont want to give any backstory either, but somehow I feel like warning some random people on the internet will help me in someway.  
What should I think after this.",3.0642857142857127,3.9252654285714286,4.535714285714288,87.47928571428572,73.28571428571428,7.314285714285713,24.0,7.554174236665415,0.9760857142857142,260,7,56,3,5,87,49,70,0.133,0.735,0.132,0.2356,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,18,18,4,1,6,6,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,7,13,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,6,3,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897980492468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7702694879674628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107718635046231,0.15650858161443593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445863853602667,0.21015852562904455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684262857824976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237613165145644,0.0,0.2407978705079449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702990766714623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518803385723804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807512640274559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873883497153328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921723210371794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Piece_Of_Trash85382,2019/04/20,"How much ibuprofen would I need to take to die? I'm a 14 year old female, and I weigh 112.2 pounds. Based on this, how much ibuprofen would I need to take to kill me?",1.1858333333333313,2.4763970277777787,1.8733333333333348,103.005,78.72222222222223,4.800000000000002,17.555555555555557,3.1291,-1.1455444444444445,127,2,33,0,3,39,24,36,0.236,0.764,0.0,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,7,7,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29404651458523673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134570233666793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165528020207012,0.4201636461608392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29730182178580594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260501286090188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025317594202705,0.0,0.0,0.18245194619133984
suicidewatch,OcarinaofThyme91,2019/04/20,"Have other people experienced suicidal longings so frequently that it affects their personality? I think so frequently about “checking out early” and don’t tell any of my friends about it because it has been going on for years and I’ve been hospitalized five times for it already. I just end up feeling really alone, but I’m wondering if other people on here might understand.",8.526641791044778,9.374795059701498,8.730559701492544,62.30240671641794,61.08955223880597,12.073134328358213,39.13805970149254,11.698219412168324,5.1835104477611935,307,15,46,9,4,101,52,67,0.067,0.865,0.068,-0.2255,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,12,12,6,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,4,1,9,9,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,7,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632892877138494,0.2805317374908307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287440194165754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496664239536556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251583636324242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853835904138922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19640529276788354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144475812101325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249716045193416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26968113762446433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524802936971375,0.22197007061892896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285615295652284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780691201131084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22219445245923114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289022155603108,0.0,0.0,0.1482343688502833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646459912746622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27568450140160217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370563711032912
suicidewatch,Toki_Senpai,2019/04/20,"Hang in there :c Hi Reddit, 15 year old stranger from the internet here 

I've been thinking about suicide for a while now, like years...

I'm living in a bad situation here, there really is no easy escape for me :P

Abusive parents, losing my relationships, money problems, my mother the list goes on and on and it's hard to see a good future ahead of me.

The only thing that kept me going in middle school was hope that highschool would be where my life turns for the better.   

I couldn't have been more wrong. I've become a wreck, I've never hit such a low point in my life.

I used to have nightmares when I was younger, of my Mom leaving me in a cave with a monster. She would walk down a distant tunnel and I would just watch her walk away. I told my Mom about it and she told me she would never ever leave me. 

4 years later she did, and she left me with a man who's abandoned me (or at least tried to) multiple times.

The thing is, I have dreams. I'm studying art in my free time because I want to become a professional artist... it's all I could ever want. I've tried to endure it but It's getting harder and harder so I ask myself ""is any of this even worth it?"" I'm sure a lot of us have been here :'c

 I've cut myself before, I regret it a lot and I'm sure if I killed myself and became a ghost, I would regret that 2

I really feel like I'm at a breaking point here but I'm going to try and endure it because I have hope for college. (Really hope life doesn't repeat itself)

If your in an... unpleasant situation like me, I beg you to keep living because I love you and things can get better <3",1.621136502754542,3.162109360946747,3.4436829218526803,91.13221893491124,78.17159763313609,5.8455009181799635,19.643338094266475,6.48374012150746,0.021792164864313342,1236,27,275,10,29,415,170,338,0.131,0.715,0.154,0.6362,1,0,0,0,0,2,45.0,1,3,0,4,17,23,2,0,20,0,24,4,0,1,7,48,51,18,3,17,6,4,2,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,17,12,0,3,2,3,3,5,5,10,0,0,9,4,45,14,34,33,5,42,0,5,2,1,22,19,0,8,20,179,62,4,0.0,0.1063571471063208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104345069468652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391839478681226,0.0,0.08433741073842982,0.0,0.07495023733863493,0.16416019644554056,0.19827734041786385,0.07638361937157759,0.0,0.0,0.15878014439549998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167025081072749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928910346964227,0.16239562225077722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04538800941256187,0.06412831517604876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379728026341956,0.0,0.1020313246325318,0.07529083591621459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041203561851598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674714536826968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978748194887672,0.09931195338532434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009688516830675,0.09753021078980577,0.0,0.1902115600773163,0.13156430621263265,0.0,0.15852872717771654,0.0,0.0,0.10042435782267536,0.0,0.15263041731221916,0.08101664612973078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026396044357645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384649950047322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419353361250143,0.0,0.0,0.06827052041271754,0.0,0.0,0.09967369122734633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697143588728375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589322472432948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725177602641749,0.0,0.0,0.09637428876062692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084722907807427,0.07153128524878133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017998123409944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818861805270604,0.0,0.16920537855983467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890813763717905,0.05751795000602741,0.0,0.0,0.10468568260584993,0.0,0.0,0.1715490934230744,0.0,0.18283414473982426,0.09763881927927404,0.0,0.0,0.10797654769157856,0.077528357995468,0.0,0.0,0.10589174473432897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188333036718614,0.09814421333048448,0.0,0.17341764093146345
suicidewatch,cockapoopoodick,2019/04/20,"Im on that threshold of thinking about it and actually trying it Everyday I keep thinking about doing it

I feel like im too much of a pussy to actually do it but it brings me comfort thinking about doing it",1.0527906976744212,3.4577742790697705,3.954697674418604,82.02693023255813,85.27906976744184,6.2306976744186064,27.20465116279069,7.554174236665415,1.8924548837209296,166,8,32,3,5,59,27,43,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.504476222522706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069469354218954,0.1846573711380036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584031142382829,0.0,0.0,0.2297479144111873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627972970611545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001172560152946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968685086549886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549019976192365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,torimp3,2019/04/20,Suicide note. what do i put in my suicide note for my still deeply loved ex boyfriend? i have all of the ones for family and the two closest friends written up but i feel like he really deserves to know how much i loved him and how he shouldn’t blame himself. help.,2.199444444444445,4.216834129629632,2.6071851851851875,95.60633333333335,78.07407407407408,5.801481481481483,25.61481481481481,6.742157984588678,0.7833525925925926,209,8,46,2,5,64,42,54,0.129,0.613,0.258,0.8637,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,1,9,8,5,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,8,4,6,6,2,5,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,0,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410212371360041,0.0,0.12927353036001107,0.1826494223065196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752862699391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713690137826556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405085634513843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490657447196014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615010880040651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879455539667957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732473977360496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570171698943783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637876038759809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417696499912807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593190563378608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24975069385757004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Cherryia,2019/04/20,"I don’t know what to do except die? So I’m old, 24. I’ve always had depression.  My parents never really parent. Like teach them how to drive an the small steps you need help on to actually get out there and live your life.  But I can’t do this anymore. I really really can’t keep living like this and just wishing and waiting for death so I can be free.  My dad is so so psychotic who’s always passive aggressive an easily set off and blinded by his own actions and what he’s doing.  It gets to the point in asking a question twice will set him off to where he starts going on a tangent an just being awful. Always so angry always views himself as god.  I hated him for years and I refuse to go into public outings with my family because of him.  I don’t know how to describe how evil he is so you guys will understand.  I feel like he’ll kill my mom oneday or all of us. I get worried if he messed with the brakes on my moms car so she’ll die.  I just cannot deal with that in my life anymore. I’m never going to escape this.  Unless I end it myself.  I cant go to the law because it’s only important if it’s physical. My mom doesn’t do anything except just ‘choosing to be happy’ and because we need 2 incomes to live.  I just don’t understand how can you be okay living like this? He was always like this. Why didn’t my moms family stop her from marrying an making this mistake in life.  There is no sitting him down and talking about things. He thinks he’s not doing anything wrong an that were all out to get him an brainwashed by our mom. He isn’t self aware. He puts on a fake performance in front of everyone i guess cuz if he acts like that at work or anywhere I doubt he would have a job. Its embarrassing. Its so embarrassing knowing your dad shit talks his own wife an kids to make himself seem better.  Doing petty shit. Going on tangents slamming doors.  I just don’t understand how nobody else can see this abuse. Or even be okay with it.  I feel like im going to die in a car crash cuz he angry drives an drives fast.  Like dealing with this kinda shit for years does something to you.  I feel like im going insane.  I cant tell if he’s talking or yelling. I feel like i can always hear the mumbled yelling through walls. I used to stay up and not sleep thinking about how awful an how much i hate him.  I refuse to accept this and pretend to be okay with this. He deserves to behated from his actions instead of brushed under the rug. I don’t want him in my life.  But I don’t have family or friends to teach me how to drive. Im not allowed to take the car and drive up streets by myself. I don’t have money to go somewhere and everything is so so far away in walking or biking to get a job.  I just don’t know what to do. I want to live i want to experience life and be happy an not worried or scared an feeling trapped in my own home.   But im never going to. Im 24 there is no hope for me.  I dont know how to help myself. I’m just here distracting myself with youtuber and games waiting to die, wishing that my migraine problem ends up being a tumor or cancer or just gives me an aneurysm. There have been many times I thought to kill myself to shock my dad into changing his ways so my mom can be less stressed and happier.  And im so so scared that I’ll end up being like him. If its a genetic mental problem. Im sorry that this is so long and messy. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and I really needed to just let it out.",1.2037826485109093,3.0647425837912117,3.1289034878165336,91.42189361363278,80.57967032967035,5.758751393534004,21.677098264054784,6.768245384624635,0.4397405000796306,2683,81,587,28,69,901,278,728,0.188,0.711,0.101,-0.9973,6,1,1,0,3,2,57.0,3,6,1,3,44,45,9,7,27,5,60,12,4,15,5,129,119,62,7,18,34,12,5,11,1,5,8,3,3,3,32,31,0,7,20,3,2,24,27,24,0,1,6,12,81,22,91,97,7,77,0,1,3,0,75,34,3,20,25,385,113,5,0.0,0.05664250964327067,0.046651938576400966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386714440536741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482177545229332,0.03342719476950351,0.0,0.07868083067363896,0.0,0.04469232783395444,0.0,0.0449154827015484,0.0,0.0,0.08742661648222352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042280684019717935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505726028413857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985721512180332,0.0411753954490775,0.0,0.19846108172085386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041835512987064685,0.0,0.05602849054606592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399359316208693,0.0,0.12702626578715673,0.0,0.0,0.031575533063734285,0.0,0.0,0.04568085663672974,0.04296511480576462,0.046763620354733706,0.13520224434332573,0.0,0.1208612129408606,0.13661098702224106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693493847122741,0.0,0.1248837876998103,0.04586004697181823,0.2445241999239071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266390039644445,0.047335637341955526,0.0,0.1017811417150684,0.0,0.094397416924322,0.0,0.0,0.053881042796197806,0.0,0.06408695363566164,0.0,0.047953499522712384,0.047482326628464064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36147216927751263,0.0,0.09488052021446217,0.04249233209672045,0.10578091703977212,0.0,0.13136513994797913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048885061183160834,0.16883460458578875,0.2569125490457368,0.0,0.21106867761606174,0.04230696766667756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382199687469851,0.04846796618170943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048177388426011096,0.0,0.0,0.33594014312414056,0.0,0.0,0.035143045225127637,0.10634303704612524,0.1106132266828854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016454729315293,0.0,0.0,0.0363587564732511,0.0,0.0,0.10616621769445377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045192295349208815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914881217127026,0.0,0.04805841816736031,0.05355386602595049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250346015305685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572465826935493,0.0,0.03809533843973187,0.04352095361548438,0.049872275109741016,0.0,0.14721707986269425,0.0,0.0,0.0478407081492085,0.0,0.0,0.036803535345712714,0.0,0.05351510802556755,0.03383746245207686,0.05095503036475429,0.0,0.03996810968702457,0.05476182121567565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035944300134930086,0.15369919642456506,0.041784711168291605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03176030380369632,0.061264543597069586,0.0,0.037952769375365146,0.02787616981013317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930376773407916,0.057504952043827766,0.04128919292086066,0.0,0.0,0.08459197621568007,0.03794632294655704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043137644467585744,0.0,0.10994950250551944,0.0,0.0,0.03480347066242485,0.0970989990016838,0.0,0.033960140844650336,0.05226855647459165,0.0,0.06157122905245671
suicidewatch,Lifehacker_north_99,2019/04/20,"Suicidal- Always Asthma is absolutely terrible and has ruined my life- I can never breathe or sleep- the sleep deprivation makes me anxious/angry and triggers depression. It's been like this for two decades and I am fed up with it. (25F)

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How are you supposed to live if you can't even fucking breathe?

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I feel like such a fucking failure- I can't do anything a normal person can - breathe, sleep, etc. It keeps you from having normal relationships/growth development/etc, requires excessive medical intervention that does very little (we only have inhalers and the technology hasn't changed AT ALL in the last two decades.

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There are no allowances for asthma either- teachers will bully you about it, students will do the same. Everyone looks down on you for being ""disabled"" and tells you ""it's not that bad"" ""just breathe"". If I could I fucking would. I learned very early on to hide it - everyone thinks you are incompetent if you are sick. I learned to hide it very well as a result of being bullied so excessively and now keep it a secret from everyone except immediate family.

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I now am a university graduate, with an amazing job and a great relationship. But everyday life feels like a struggle- like slowly drowning in concrete - this isn't a life. It's long, slow torture. I can never sleep and the sleep deprivation makes me angry all the time. I want more than anything to kill myself. It has been an uphill battle to get here and if I had the opportunity I'd get euthanized immediately. I have cry myself sleep out of sheer frustration - the pain of never being able to breathe is entirely unbearable. I am a burden to everyone who loves me, and I make their lives shit by being a worthless piece of crap that can't even breathe.

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Asthma takes over your entire life by ruining your ability to perform basic things- I hate it. I hate everything so much. It ruins every good day, every opportunity by ensuring you spend a few months in the hospital every year. My body is a fucking failure - if you can't breathe what the fuck can you do except sit around an oxygen tank?

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 I am looking for valid options for medical euthanasia, alternatively I'd love s to end my own life. I don't want suggestions for medical help and therapy - I have worked with specialists for two decades and have an amazing supportive therapist but that doesn't make my life any less shit. I have no quality of life and its my choice to stop - it isn't selfish or giving up; it's looking to end life with dignity on my own terms.

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P.S. If you have kids with asthma- they are going to have the most difficult lives ahead of them. Stop telling them that it'll be okay and they can still accomplish anything- it's a straight up lie and puts pressure of kids to be ""super human"" and accomplish everything despite being severely ill. I struggled my entire life and still hate the amount of pressure there was to be ""normal"" and ""sucessful""",5.2776145923421645,7.575367880650994,5.5928724742511235,76.37651525277147,70.0126582278481,8.569997641324004,32.99823099300259,9.20300075937882,3.274456120764212,2430,116,406,52,46,773,262,553,0.16899999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.112,-0.9834,1,0,0,0,0,1,117.0,1,14,5,9,17,48,15,4,29,1,56,44,17,8,5,75,87,32,3,13,15,0,2,4,0,4,19,0,0,4,27,26,1,5,6,0,1,2,15,32,1,3,5,6,54,16,59,69,15,41,0,7,3,7,34,16,8,10,26,289,81,9,0.03595116388494437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991424833996575,0.4284837815400957,0.480530590883065,0.024448024259702158,0.0,0.0,0.040614582098032086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875423391886994,0.0320041579469649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030017720162809864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03993363846642725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03803156443605673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028704078989298068,0.0,0.03949066539100899,0.02318552654020728,0.0,0.0309646847743461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03146110578633297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636841206625616,0.0,0.08019010198540089,0.04749080936500782,0.0,0.09087121840214894,0.13741151098138368,0.06462117591071725,0.0,0.033891557739076865,0.0,0.036355977343675655,0.051367037325572934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661813585114706,0.037565998600629084,0.034487632303987305,0.02043187493071073,0.03015413057527386,0.0,0.039636285101909016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648299403180256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02409730733406782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035675982800216374,0.0639100926342776,0.039774636230617964,0.0,0.0,0.029304996904154324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854033228748016,0.07025569084301025,0.036032510922349416,0.09523660909878437,0.03181564872102456,0.0905697693940741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489465806662764,0.0,0.0959907242342522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865104607944076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02869587601885225,0.0,0.02642824204936801,0.0,0.0831832617210619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567352235719328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027342480155989838,0.03825457311910169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03139116960329855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03614084948246343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859809566493656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040614582098032086,0.07380670619157656,0.0,0.0,0.21586276431328172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057421291837056326,0.06011356558873957,0.0,0.07516792465418014,0.0,0.03932473818011304,0.04079695473606791,0.0,0.0,0.027030801063928384,0.0,0.06284580369426597,0.0,0.04111328907743434,0.04174207220613477,0.02388435581232421,0.02303605417309896,0.0,0.0,0.02096341277291256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053571896214939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899042594664001,0.04240985584375569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03232441389377684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026172875484534838,0.0,0.0,0.02553867533458147,0.0,0.480530590883065,0.02315137083669583
suicidewatch,WavyLettuce,2019/04/20,"My mum used to be really supportive and my go to person to talk to, then she started taking antidepressants and turned into a completely different person Whenever I had a problem, I would go straight to her. But since she's started these tablets she doesn't seem to understand how I can feel so shit all the time any more. She's become one of those 'if you're down, just cheer up' sort of people. 

She wanted me to go on the tablets too but I've tried them and had my dosage increased three times and they just do nothing for me. Then she told me not to hurt myself because that would be really selfish and I'd just be looking for attention.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. If you're still here, thanks for listening/reading.",4.774520547945205,5.772619876712335,5.136876712328768,84.23791780821921,69.41095890410958,8.579726027397259,28.298630136986297,8.841846274778883,2.047695342465753,586,20,117,10,10,186,94,146,0.062,0.8340000000000001,0.104,0.6443,1,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,2,0,10,7,1,0,4,0,10,2,2,2,1,28,28,13,0,7,9,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,4,0,2,3,2,20,3,19,20,3,17,0,1,1,0,14,6,1,4,7,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379606197393605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200812522762742,0.18481245949766106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754514550474044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483333708091045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461148039973211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742757000442497,0.0,0.2853073378642656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913955142979898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405223721618737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605660066437863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133930415377812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160115925077428,0.29222741630695825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601205471289291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738399553330532,0.0,0.2144029268246629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523388779664181,0.0,0.0,0.1717707824290881,0.13842431121912588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368864022936378,0.0,0.13363691100559988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989398653149103,0.0,0.0,0.12581788533914864,0.13450051746641709,0.0,0.1540630027015132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951530965243424,0.0,0.0,0.15989930979150854,0.0,0.11361200057221785,0.18201646537543054,0.0,0.17420549998147652,0.0,0.14452691862581282,0.0,0.0,0.1974014150442646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237745238652808,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,VickZilla,2019/04/20,"I think this is it I can't deal with the abuse at home anymore. I have shitty credit and no more than $100 to my name, the rest is kept away from me by my parents. 

Maybe before I could've ran away to my girlfriends house or something, but we broke up recently. I have no one to turn to, no one to help me or take me in.

I can't think of another solution, thanks for the laughs reddit.",2.16714285714286,2.8052938095238136,3.6366666666666654,93.925,75.19047619047619,7.028571428571429,22.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.3959190476190484,296,7,73,3,6,98,59,84,0.166,0.6609999999999999,0.173,0.3919,1,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,13,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,5,1,0,2,2,0,13,3,16,11,2,7,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,2,1,51,15,1,0.0,0.2519563414527272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298283115077966,0.0,0.0,0.21089238262459448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995847206395757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095010826626995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978430389091434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192335645651536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253530144219334,0.0,0.21330602008438934,0.0,0.0,0.2453703907119953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363623989853686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28819527539211043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361234694987271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996694092262647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370892067868598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988688381062374,0.0,0.0,0.19578022111923168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725160018986307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313029294098833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Mike34143641,2019/04/20,I might be gone soon Im a straight 16 year old male. My first kiss and sexual experience was with a man because i was desperate for some sort of sexual contact. It happened about 6 months ago. Within the last month its really taken over my life and the moment haunts and disgusts me. It was disgusting yet i did it. I was dumb and horny. I have nothing against homosexuals but as a straight male i dont know if i can live my life knowing i have participated in a sexual gay experience. I dont know what to do except kill myself. This may sound over exaggerated and some people will just make fun of me and call me gay. I can affirm that im straight but i dont think anyone will respond due to it being a weird situation. Life was all good before it happened but now im in the darkest place possible and i feel so alone. The earth might be without me very soon😓😭,1.2739296274393863,3.5363881966292148,3.509751626256655,86.5856031933767,82.76404494382022,6.668716735659372,22.28976936723832,7.85451343220497,1.1167370786516853,681,23,145,13,19,233,107,178,0.154,0.76,0.086,-0.9006,0,1,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,4,0,9,0,22,6,0,1,1,28,32,13,1,1,7,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,3,9,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,8,2,20,3,16,16,3,22,0,0,0,3,6,9,1,7,12,96,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122768520455142,0.0,0.0,0.131182033686676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856393588175637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721103839634334,0.0,0.10777871912647977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293344871285913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453353335650315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477964605318239,0.0,0.0,0.06404333230649176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773731922292636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062367811812682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401084598840795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41044508277527625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401310283262354,0.0,0.20882782258590785,0.10324517683747247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268392077736643,0.0,0.0,0.11184350323102896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454683795681857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687334557945457,0.0,0.0,0.2021983352369908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153412364413525,0.0,0.1329088420563901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878104121955796,0.0,0.1323332182822922,0.0,0.0,0.14279063312814924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114193148049324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237165948023567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115890592030868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045081412082816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209615975611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156518097859672
suicidewatch,SafiyahAngel,2019/04/20,"I have a plan. I made a decision today. I'm suffering from depression for 5 years now. Getting worse. I'm a trans girl, and I had a lot of unaccepting experience. I have no one. I enjoy nothing. I have to move out from my parents place. 

So I made a deal. I'll give myself a real chance, I'll try and if I can't make a living or my depression and anxiety isn't going to get better, I'll kill myself instead of coming back. Today I found a method that's okay for me. Like, I can just fall asleep and not wake up(won't give advice or say what it is).

This is the first time I'm okay with it. Not worrying if I can cut deep enough or jump. I'm peaceful and calm. 

I'll write a list tomorrow morning about pros. And a detailed plan.",-0.18897435897435955,1.8924365128205167,2.6156410256410254,91.7460256410257,87.71794871794874,6.030769230769232,19.56410256410256,7.3871296695380915,0.544771794871795,560,17,128,10,18,196,95,156,0.16,0.696,0.14400000000000002,-0.6558,1,0,1,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,4,6,11,2,0,11,2,10,2,2,3,0,26,24,12,1,2,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,5,5,5,0,2,4,1,16,6,11,20,2,16,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,6,9,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986134224866874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514831935398468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579304176362946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468485544858256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092102150555536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865736424209465,0.2818050973730555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903546512100365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600255011986482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915225802213074,0.0,0.17937145564144574,0.0,0.0,0.17094134771132838,0.3138669310027398,0.09297376263189523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809915928037064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992335439269736,0.0,0.14445575713184544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139081054183127,0.0,0.3095916063457664,0.10919970438450398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387363887513088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697204881095142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108549587994605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816508438401946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709200327995343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620483077619576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009584669805607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539248697013313,0.0,0.3101343737940925,0.0,0.0,0.11106901686168433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613679462007916,0.1667154058325233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105348631198726
suicidewatch,awkful,2019/04/20,"Too painful to live I’ve been struggling with my loneliness and suicide ideation for so long and don’t think I can tolerate this any longer. I hate everything about my life - I’m twenty-right with no sense of accomplishment and absolutely nothing to look forward to.

I’m in a relationship where I feel like such a heavy burden on her that she’s now taking some time to think of breaking up with me or not. No matter what I do, I’m just ultimately a piece of shit that gets abandoned by everyone around me. 

I’ve been going to psychotherapy for a few months now - I’m a failure with no chance of getting better or my situation getting better. I’m just leading a miserable, dull life. 

I’ve been wanting to kill myself for so many years... I just have to do it. My mother is diabetic and takes insulin - been thinking all week of just taking a couple of shots in hopes of dying of an overdose. I just can’t stand myself or this life anymore. I just need to find the courage to finally do it and ignore the guilt. I hate myself so much, I just want to go. It’s too painful being here.",3.423366766061264,4.940069000000001,4.668419625914883,84.32767145567904,73.28571428571428,7.502195716996478,27.511249661154785,8.124751697461798,1.7241436161561408,851,32,173,13,17,281,122,217,0.239,0.6779999999999999,0.083,-0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,0,4,19,18,4,3,10,0,13,8,1,1,1,36,37,11,3,4,11,1,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,10,0,2,5,0,0,4,6,13,0,0,4,2,20,5,32,32,5,20,0,3,1,0,4,7,1,5,10,117,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143688363699043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334742068592406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969721704342508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378365151663945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877657473657913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395474469222997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848155137732262,0.12084328122933817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798662408401973,0.09605769703151823,0.0,0.14729350840461433,0.12289329549224025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074818600463746,0.0,0.1528325520851474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655012945334529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354834907637486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875921040038034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849175806293972,0.06568998541773127,0.0,0.11872995886625726,0.1189921827235264,0.11291188437348593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632054969220114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732407038397067,0.0,0.09884300127194487,0.09969981142951696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901725253820134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861481904400446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435888742721756,0.0,0.11482744326843344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802046198049178,0.0,0.15113780224580373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140565975942018,0.0,0.1470765682671944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032898100773359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258468125993268,0.0,0.0,0.07840425524734637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861506895830724,0.0,0.10785507964341357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658733232366153
suicidewatch,iwantbutcanttalk,2019/04/20,"This is the only place I can talk about this Using a throwaway account because I need to get this off of my chest but I’m scared of speaking out fully as people I know irl know my reddit account. 


For the last five years I’ve been slowly growing more and more sad and upset with life due to my own stupid mistakes. 

I have a loving family and sure we don’t always get along but I love them all to pieces.

The stupid mistakes I made haunt me to this day, no one knows about them besides me and the people involved, and that kills me. I have so many passions I want to pursue, like my singing or my art however I’m terrified that if my face gets out there one day I’ll wake up to hear everyone I love knows what I did. 

I was so so fucking stupid and if I could go back I would have stopped myself. It was only five years ago I found out what I did shouldn’t have happened, that I should have never done it and since then it’s been creeping up on me and eating away at me. 

I can’t tell anyone about it who I care about and if I went to see a doctor and looked for help, I’d be scared someone would find out, I’m scared I’d break down, I’m scared I’d lose my place in college.

I’ve thought about killing myself so many times, I even tired not taking my crohns and colitis medication for a while, hoping this illness would kill me slowly, but kill me none the less, but my mother soon found the full pill boxes and injections. 

It feels like a huge weight is being dropped on my head. I wasn’t forced to do what I did, I was a stupid child who didn’t know what they were getting into or how bad what they were doing was. I was naive and now it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life, however long that’ll be anyways. 

Thank you for reading this strangers of Reddit.

This is the first and only time I’ll ever get to say these words.",3.079689922480622,3.7855813100775215,3.812403100775197,93.25875968992253,73.10852713178295,6.5602067183462545,22.86046511627907,6.238725200709706,0.2391302325581393,1425,33,330,8,27,453,190,387,0.245,0.6409999999999999,0.114,-0.9968,2,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,1,1,4,2,17,29,9,5,14,0,39,18,4,3,4,62,75,31,4,14,10,1,2,2,0,7,7,3,0,1,25,22,2,1,10,3,2,3,9,19,0,5,20,7,51,10,40,44,9,42,0,2,2,5,20,18,1,6,21,221,76,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712261254552577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239318641452698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083428585748611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174186715140715,0.06689967856555652,0.07264359066586154,0.05303601668547859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870501477402859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946454804794007,0.0,0.0,0.11221904196748474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905091362653397,0.0,0.08903393235567529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902544591476358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057464439291034376,0.078698890941552,0.0,0.08313477424641619,0.0,0.0,0.08201836895248914,0.0,0.04399116125553373,0.06215472082753365,0.0,0.0,0.07951885907060109,0.07400442188880682,0.0,0.1907878616815232,0.0,0.08043256129065086,0.22727650621843395,0.0,0.049445619152700265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769361687935286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928983393825586,0.0,0.09805832593388228,0.0,0.058316052006316836,0.0,0.0,0.08641327671114682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850222305423866,0.0,0.2390719451754559,0.07091878357261808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229051096728936,0.08501021429785391,0.0,0.0,0.07699462017513209,0.07306032591060399,0.09733372703800576,0.0,0.0,0.2355699042810919,0.08232402468669146,0.0,0.17641409217617546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764603123314761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451137324191827,0.06710181832532623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179105140810126,0.19850834028714995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063338566844273,0.0,0.1817985334385845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702620855129826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918801075792314,0.34841937918648763,0.0,0.06932985924965036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196950304802885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371707520731863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273812315540369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199898155777237,0.0,0.06541517600964071,0.06992944603811256,0.07604416347863638,0.08010036419804156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907039723747961,0.10146390653089517,0.09999676411275532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751423678323168,0.0,0.0,0.0513164256213054,0.0,0.0,0.10594580657850124,0.0,0.08065234153628975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541258967283367,0.0,0.0,0.11205372675158344
suicidewatch,potatosneedrights,2019/04/20,"So, I’m having a very hard time and idk what do anymore The last few weeks I have been going down hill very hard. I was doing okay , but the last two weeks that turn back around. I relapsed in my eating disorder, and at this point it doesn’t matter to me if it kills me. Not only that I have been feeling very suicidal and I have no idea as to what I can do, because of Easter I would see any of my therapist until Wednesday. Help.",2.3054945054945084,3.4396292197802225,3.7437362637362632,91.37626373626377,75.48351648351648,6.518681318681319,21.791208791208792,6.868970318607317,0.38167692307692297,333,8,75,3,7,110,65,91,0.218,0.703,0.079,-0.9411,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,1,13,1,0,0,0,11,18,8,2,2,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,4,11,1,10,14,1,14,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,8,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156975717323955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729184228132974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914323664017532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374631255904646,0.0,0.1089765568202214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488595322301892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292638043897685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903915034302304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159913322790384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202856828275533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982578919312795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018096146769455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19778256176636616,0.0,0.0,0.2914428846892825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596267075686794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899547094884987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424565760785377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554540770550613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756579460582786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424224768649737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19445046791066115,0.17463235232811686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425120148014766,0.0,0.0,0.28679708495327216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699310692638746,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,arias_ass,2019/04/20,"Thinking it's about time. Been putting it off way too long, using false hope for a ""brighter"" future as an excuse for cowardice. Procrastination. I don't want to die but I can't fucking stand being alive in this world. I hate being a human. I don't want to have to take care of myself or my body, have a family and a job and friends and responsibilities. I don't have dreams or passions, I used to just like being alone and sitting in the sun for hours or walking at night when everything is still and you can pretend you and the rest of the world don't even exist as creatures with bodies. 

There is no hope in the future. Nothing is ever going to change. I don't even want it to, and I know I don't. I keep just waiting for the people closest to me to finally give up and admit I'm a lost cause and give me their blessing to finally experience freedom and peace in death. Or at least a goddamn coma. I sleep so much now. I'm disappointed when I wake up. I've been this way since I was 6 years old for no apparent reason and no amount of treatment or medication or attempts at changing my perspective on life have ever stuff. Everything is shit. The world is beautiful, but fucked. The good does not and never will outweigh the bad because it is balanced. And that's just not worth the time or the effort imo. 

Pce out. It's been real. Live long and prosper

if you can

and actually want to.",2.4487234042553183,4.344994907801421,3.914873758865252,87.08580000000002,76.87234042553192,6.497815602836879,24.40056737588652,7.404127859558343,1.052753588652482,1092,37,226,14,25,361,153,282,0.182,0.652,0.16699999999999998,-0.2089,2,1,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,3,1,3,15,15,4,0,17,0,27,11,5,4,3,51,51,30,2,7,15,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,9,17,0,2,4,2,1,3,13,7,0,0,5,0,22,8,34,42,4,42,1,2,0,3,10,16,3,10,20,157,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.10824517730130903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488312575497762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261635421334942,0.06761783747724029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464216459594216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309373605444135,0.11394882367853915,0.2346843680328278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512091262350227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706976084948346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652763761445145,0.2006730199548319,0.0,0.0,0.19938148817994436,0.10850430938168668,0.10456865142921312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302219044534945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856990960168452,0.20509367773536144,0.0,0.21281554709162487,0.06304028938780089,0.0930372334477027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951383204606706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034380655627075,0.1092371444249922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007429751536826,0.09859375970460374,0.0,0.0,0.06096056583626443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834843423732812,0.05419154014135765,0.0,0.09794733993266792,0.1963273276912368,0.0,0.0,0.1210859269668146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174359361476664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154141665671663,0.0,0.08555091670735397,0.0,0.0,0.10409403884579467,0.0,0.10643393472217773,0.0,0.11639538423670265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690027622956278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150859222767352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625504319979988,0.0,0.1140476660329674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386121275840085,0.09175693169566042,0.0,0.11100344581287837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858352125551802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269806841825133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340054582523063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710751962974502,0.0,0.0,0.1293605811744619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916042996167089,0.0,0.0,0.2617018354264443,0.1760915657794591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143099310361875
suicidewatch,oportop,2019/04/20,"I have literally never had a friend in my life, and now the one person I was starting to form a friendship with wants to keep his distance I fuck everything up. The first time I've made any real progress in connecting with another human being is all thrown away because I'm just completely unlovable.",8.149473684210527,7.70870394736842,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,62.15789473684211,11.108771929824565,38.29824561403509,10.504223727775694,4.092677192982455,243,11,42,5,3,78,48,57,0.166,0.74,0.094,-0.662,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,1,2,10,11,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,5,1,8,7,2,9,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,5,30,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588499348679188,0.2866276388257515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568180348161497,0.0,0.0,0.16662948932169902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865986046705625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566620876338344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325083933057853,0.0,0.0,0.21118682787548054,0.25270443465199066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429629287599473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307271680368335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586470675918288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082167211792066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852266626987999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386756203800911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31112816022477635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347605964408476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939054237511027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122684789474984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,bathtimeyeet,2019/04/20,i am too much of a coward i’ve been planning on killing myself today for 2 years and i just couldn’t do it. i hate myself.,-0.7829761904761909,0.9786247500000016,1.957142857142859,97.65452380952385,87.21428571428572,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-1.0741095238095233,95,2,23,0,3,33,24,28,0.381,0.619,0.0,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904486377063552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5495924395799652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651764892959856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4708713384161389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198977937594689
suicidewatch,Sucidal926Throwaway,2019/04/20,"Suicide doesn't seem like a bad idea **if i sound like a cunt, ignore it**

I get the whole ""don't commit suicide"" idea I do, life is ""worth living"" and ""you'll be something great one day so don't stop it there"" but I just don't see myself in the future being successful or unsuccessful, i just can't see myself growing up.

I'm in college right now and A levels are just ahead (may 14th to be exact), i've got 3 subjects that I should be revising for that I find fucking boring. I'm not even that smart anyway, i've only been getting Es and Ds the entire two years and I've not been revising cause i'm too lazy to and nothing just goes in when I try to revise. I'm basically retarded and will probably fail. I always say i will revise but end up getting distracted with photography or video games.

Speaking of video games, I'm complete dog shit. I uninstalled league like a month ago after the worst losing streak after playing mid (my favourite role). I'm only silver 3 and haven't seen improvements at all. I used to play CSGO ages ago but quit cause i'm (unsurprisingly) dogshit at that as well. My highest rank was like gold nova 1 as well. I reinstalled osu after uninstalling all my games to ""revise for exams"" (didn't happen at all lmao) I'm still playing osu and i can only S rank some 3 star maps and do most 4 star maps. I've only managed to do one 5 star map (one day sky if you play it) and wasn't even a good rank at all (C rank) (sorry if you understand any of this) Basically i'm shit at games as you can tell.

I'm rubbish at sports as well due to being underweight and really unathletic and i'm ""average looking"" as well. I've not had a girlfriend at all as well.

Another thing is family don't even care about me. My only brother is ""depressed"" and hates my fucking guts. my dad has retired so ""couldn't give a fuck"" (exact words) and my mum might just be the only one that cares for me but she keeps telling the entire fucking world exactly what's happening to me and whatnot.  I'm kinda social despite my shit personality of roasting everyone and seeming really obnoxious and just downright awkward. I know a lot of people in and out of college (mainly through others and photography) so i'm not unsocial but i don't talk much with many people. i usually keep to myself but only talk a lot with people i'm most comfortable with.

Point i'm trying to make is that I legit suck at everything and don't see myself being successful in the future with a good job or good family. I'll end up being some weirdo for the rest of my life stuck in a flat in god knows where doing the same boring ass 9-5 job. If i'm gonna be doing the same stupid ass shit for the rest of my fuckin life, what's the point?",2.0308005360417525,3.9682822338129498,3.8574481591197674,86.82418606291439,78.28057553956835,6.6629425871067856,22.772464381436034,7.6542693500971675,1.030955325151644,2126,66,437,32,51,716,252,556,0.206,0.696,0.098,-0.9969,2,1,1,0,0,3,67.0,0,4,0,10,25,46,13,2,23,0,44,15,7,4,9,88,91,43,2,6,23,3,0,4,1,7,3,3,0,1,14,26,0,4,8,11,1,1,16,23,5,5,9,8,40,23,58,65,19,52,0,3,5,7,23,30,13,18,25,263,54,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208686923239975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057300039452695135,0.0,0.0,0.046829615730300714,0.07220949863737716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749823729687392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042207831823764,0.1414837921275879,0.0,0.0,0.07220218412368215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882266205635896,0.0,0.059312125748446326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198543600374336,0.0,0.0,0.13645129334336906,0.0,0.0,0.06580212973267667,0.061890171651357816,0.0,0.12983696421132426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294009129379084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546531884282844,0.10793518079243178,0.06606024892186138,0.0,0.17327858470538704,0.055076519135317636,0.07592237231859056,0.0,0.0,0.12179172448537967,0.0,0.0,0.06798855726678077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547726549348953,0.0,0.0,0.13667301272183074,0.12241828000327755,0.0,0.0,0.07569127742020361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592121127675825,0.13457312419588774,0.0,0.060807828616021735,0.0,0.057828088034874874,0.07704076413241591,0.0,0.11709075601305775,0.0,0.0,0.04596699391546311,0.06981689121835498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305340699848735,0.0,0.0,0.05496627591384652,0.0,0.05062267635423051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607649034638508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665505535404425,0.3666171456849589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322406777069727,0.060129047412237624,0.0,0.0,0.13019673887179395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424661798543875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324492503678268,0.0,0.0,0.08823158289036757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880914604331799,0.0,0.05476310606611105,0.0,0.0,0.1646261423350303,0.12538168706728187,0.0,0.0,0.2827500212332367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019777744134346,0.0,0.05301457077957964,0.0,0.0770871726193771,0.0,0.0,0.054994567309455865,0.05757306084931864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506512230278532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069992123139638,0.12037965955864285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574992207041203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350774072245586,0.0,0.06726973997283235,0.07168944584484797,0.0,0.059476048156055124,0.07584353662199894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095832745568463,0.0,0.0,0.07688376047706376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434590658105655
suicidewatch,wax_fox,2019/04/20,hey hey how's it going?,-4.299999999999997,-3.0924643333333286,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,109.0,2.4000000000000004,6.0,3.1291,-2.5968,18,0,5,0,1,7,5,6,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Brebo20,2019/04/20,"Why is fantasizing about suicide the only thing that I can do to feel better sometimes? And what can I do to stop falling into the self pity and suicidal episodes.

I'm a relatively awkward kid who struggles to socialize a lot due to crippling social anxiety and feeling like I'm going to fuck up any social interaction whatever I do. I've pushed myself to the point of actively avoiding social interaction because I'm going to either be too weird or to awkward or something to talk to, and that even if I feel like a social interaction is going okay, I worry that they are actually thinking negatively of me and that as soon as I leave this interaction, they are constantly talking behind my back. I have close friends but I've pushed myself into a mindset that I'm actually way too weird/awkward to be loved, my friends only put up with me, not appreciate me. All of this has lead to an extremely high level of self hatred, asking myself on the daily basis what the fuck is wrong with me mentally and why can't I form close connections very easily and it all leaves me with a crippling sense of loneliness, than nobody is there for me and ever will be, that nobody ever understands what I go through with crippling social anxiety. Whenever I'm at my worst, my mind immediately goes to what helps it feel better, which is essentially fantasising about ending my own life. I often feel as if being non existent would be better than this crippling sense of loneliness that leaves me in tears most nights, and that people might actually give a shit about me and care for once, but only once I'm gone and it's too late. Please help Reddit, I just want to be able to socialize normally and develope close friendships and possibly even a romantic one, but I worry that I'm just simply not good enough, for anybody out there, and the more I feel this way the more I worry that I'm going to just become more and more suicidal and eventually it will be too late.",10.770811051693409,7.648172783422463,10.729721925133694,62.54477896613193,59.13368983957219,13.930552584670231,40.976114081996435,12.10132525352546,4.875751729055257,1567,60,276,37,15,526,175,374,0.187,0.684,0.129,-0.9724,0,1,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,2,4,21,22,3,4,15,1,26,5,1,1,4,62,55,26,3,5,13,0,6,2,2,4,1,0,0,3,25,26,0,2,8,0,0,11,4,11,0,1,1,6,32,11,47,43,13,38,0,1,0,3,26,14,3,8,13,201,57,1,0.07212957137762771,0.0,0.21116417054641454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049050581965182166,0.0,0.11035784935313296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743141246167046,0.0,0.0,0.0554631880966645,0.0,0.04396951722932491,0.07966144465397428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137823300820184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354090520342732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794644215953295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638853910495421,0.07452912868288762,0.0,0.0952818032494678,0.13049065361391618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882527123792947,0.10305876040869412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145425584243443,0.13336525291637638,0.0,0.06919325738317972,0.20496448820265256,0.06049886230721922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966938625366268,0.07620885234873373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273059651390384,0.22912440420292665,0.0,0.0,0.05094724938886685,0.07047773033945677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061321982207377335,0.06509975429479486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726896428924055,0.07651807669001574,0.0728303052619437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768871654673607,0.07067166539199334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363127892524864,0.04887686429346007,0.1645733679469629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500055628332349,0.0,0.0,0.07917660926887078,0.06818575928969449,0.081315254061027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251014155581012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504937476437234,0.0,0.07403996848934223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5146891016986542,0.0,0.05552886797852067,0.07133799044083826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060303551420104524,0.0,0.0754054890128659,0.0,0.23669413195188746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595003450746767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791968218016878,0.04621771687434234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508942759006973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951445040635385,0.04254389001127898,0.11450619280873715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301714382623284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219753242960086,0.0,0.051238778008163066,0.07886236321162439,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,forbiddenlovers,2019/04/20,"I wish things could have been different.. I can barely see as I write because I can't stop crying, sorry if there's errors.
I'm going to try and explain why I'm at this point.

I'm 28. I've always tried to make everyone happy. I fell in love with my boyfriend when I was 19 (going on 20). He's 50. Things were great before we moved in together, we were so happy together. I still feel that way with him. I love him more then anything in my life. He was the only person who ever showed me love or supported for me. Things have been difficult financially but we manage. I'm just happy to have eachother. Lately, he's been distant. I've been trying to do everything I can on top of working full time so he would be happy. He talks down to me, and it feels like the only person who ever loved me resents me now. I really am trying to do everything I can, I take care of everything at home so all he has to do is work and relax, I work (we each pay half for rent and everything else) and care for the house. I always try to take care of his sexual needs, I never say no. Sometimes I forget the dishes because I'm tired and he tears into me emotionally in a way that makes me feel like I'm a dissapointment. When I try to talk to him, it's like he always expects the worse from me and he speaks to me in that manner. I don't know why this is happening but it hurts so much.  I've always struggled with depression and he was the light in my grey life. And now the only good thing in my life is pushing me away. It's been over a year, I can't go back home, and without him there's nothing left. I seriously have no one in my life but him. I can't do this anymore, I gave it the old fashioned try, but being treated by the love of my life this way is killing me. Like I said, I've dealt with depression but I have never felt this sad and torn inside in my entire life. 
I know I can't cut, but I know someone who has a gun, and its quick so theres no taking it back. I haven't set a date yet, I'm just going to try and ask to go shooting cans or borrow it for that purpose and do it then. 
Sorry for the long post, you are the only people I've ever told. There's no one else I can talk to, so thank you.",1.2781012658227835,2.654000090717304,3.470318565400845,91.28826265822786,78.68354430379749,6.3433755274261605,20.077848101265825,7.066338657993696,0.2448010126582281,1689,39,392,19,40,580,200,474,0.108,0.701,0.191,0.9898,3,0,0,2,0,0,54.0,4,2,0,4,25,32,3,1,16,0,43,13,0,2,6,60,86,34,1,6,12,0,4,4,0,1,7,3,3,2,25,24,1,1,8,2,3,8,13,10,0,3,14,10,59,22,48,68,5,57,0,4,2,5,43,21,0,3,27,254,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793060015574247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061956559431952135,0.0,0.0,0.05141006418129429,0.0,0.058403944713940024,0.0,0.05869556354834101,0.09607596379796206,0.0,0.07616608223414661,0.0,0.05316003355594829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191086563587356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987971202997491,0.0,0.06862380145727832,0.0,0.0,0.10761603326267194,0.0,0.0,0.06527112570523133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437657000774596,0.07027386430107382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695315723295527,0.0,0.059695754390086786,0.22458728926064386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476487720509748,0.08926163527447864,0.05998400334996156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752460167007728,0.05239949869736971,0.0,0.06887684804512703,0.0,0.0,0.05524478387827859,0.2660152407247112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533128931523976,0.0,0.0,0.07208560596543871,0.06687877938714842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911726385716534,0.0,0.10300079780179017,0.0,0.07047241348731106,0.0,0.06787724018526961,0.0,0.264759722035428,0.12208486567441652,0.0,0.0,0.055286755476224116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28192220153222125,0.0,0.08340260079653439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639905196575406,0.045924939914373686,0.04632303542440645,0.0963662607419561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994465459858744,0.0,0.06555504241341505,0.0,0.08466682146421331,0.19005452665797973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04331100329185298,0.10909825747625723,0.0,0.0,0.05905730238257991,0.0,0.05983199082305282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002188776464785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942625427419972,0.04968114166884514,0.0,0.0,0.049782997394075774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529332815999239,0.0,0.06178752450245036,0.13986711196149512,0.0,0.0,0.04989112352793798,0.05223033530842898,0.0,0.06531048143086655,0.0,0.0,0.070893769303439,0.0,0.0,0.1409160600670356,0.15064061001546358,0.0,0.05751686596934399,0.0,0.0,0.16601749045971698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036428585382176255,0.07180367450791288,0.0,0.059695754390086786,0.0,0.3393212436385729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876479173574994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274456823707395,0.0,0.07184101809951958,0.0602218694218348,0.0,0.13644355138359154,0.0,0.06366545824301371,0.044379120186747285,0.0,0.0,0.040230648433767655
suicidewatch,AkwardJellyfish,2019/04/20,"I’m so tired of my mom not believing me I’m trying so hard to talk to my mom about how I am feeling, but she won’t buy it. It’s the phone and you need to make more du’a (she’s a Muslim and thinks that depression is not real). It’s your hormones and you need more sleep. Cause sleep will make me not want to kill myself. Not using my phone will make me not feel worthless. Making du’a (which I’ve been doing from the start with no difference) will make me happy. None of those things have and will make me feel better. What I’d like is for you to take time to a therapist so something can change. Does anyone have an idea on how I can convince my mom (or talk to my dad) about this? Cause I have been needing to get help for about half a year.",1.718403483309146,3.0437223207547213,2.7611320754717004,97.05095791001456,77.36477987421385,5.898597000483793,18.52007740686986,6.297961479604792,-0.3861789066279635,575,10,139,4,13,183,91,159,0.07400000000000001,0.7659999999999999,0.16,0.9513,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,4,0,1,8,7,1,0,6,0,16,3,2,11,0,33,36,11,1,4,7,4,4,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,2,4,20,4,18,29,3,4,0,2,0,0,15,1,0,1,4,90,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549736974632782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776180602923324,0.0,0.1081421070385312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512197639835632,0.12935050499986553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531508950828217,0.0,0.0,0.12775112104670236,0.0,0.0,0.10700348464913964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547740931383996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388352624811762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016377782253616,0.10953418635750012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195820810998483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803334415457805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527892840870528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973728154765361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897161938688871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296202362682667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719956018138536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917546987526278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472617231348906,0.0,0.0,0.0941331000438952,0.0,0.0,0.08654671917555197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193541785662512,0.1965596741969695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197044480466844,0.08123393112357953,0.07834874227970519,0.0,0.0,0.07129940797612963,0.14053687315098962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301654981705528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560615145913776,0.0,0.0,0.07212083372989532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787409498812682
suicidewatch,CheekyMarshmallow,2019/04/20,"I've lost hope of normality For once in so long I had been doing great since February, I left my hometown and got out of an abusive relationship the first chance I got, it was the scariest and most liberating experience of my life, but it changed everything. It's like there was nothing keeping me down anymore and I got to reinvent myself. I lost 10kg, made new friends, started studying something I am passionate about and even went out a few times, I was actually happy. 



Then everything started creeping back in and the reality of everything that happened last year started to seep back into my mind, I'd like to think I'm not to blame, but I am. I lost friendships and such important people, I have no idea how to fix it, I wish I told someone what was happening while it was all happening. I want to apologise to everyone, I don't even want forgiveness but I don't want to open wounds again, especially when they've moved on. 



I really thought I was doing better now, I was really hopeful that everything could be normal and stable but it's like the past is haunting me. 



I wish last year never happened and that when I looked out at the pavement five stories below that it didn't look so homely.",7.603483547925611,6.800441476394853,7.935289699570816,72.75369277539342,63.42060085836911,11.371816881258946,37.871602288984256,10.686352973137794,3.996917310443491,956,43,179,21,12,315,136,233,0.07,0.68,0.25,0.9929,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,5,14,14,0,0,7,0,20,3,0,2,2,39,49,19,0,10,5,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,12,13,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,2,20,2,26,11,24,27,3,35,0,3,2,1,4,12,0,3,24,124,38,0,0.0,0.11351815009011873,0.09349588848840933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501691049174556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734261127952886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473538804496522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135335379650552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649579280643473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656205115481972,0.0,0.0,0.09154972780323394,0.3444282664646667,0.09371971170801864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149519550115356,0.0,0.0,0.07402189478100236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298819364512457,0.10562990207429583,0.0,0.0,0.3388947826041562,0.101990598530334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610436738147636,0.1903201646531701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815684380844356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515955530596354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619445391083212,0.0,0.0,0.10409689812091727,0.0,0.06767282065882962,0.14042250159472722,0.0,0.0,0.08478806351784363,0.16091107508166938,0.0,0.3137609436499505,0.0,0.0,0.09065691366880943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673990736772438,0.0,0.0,0.1018299407715841,0.0,0.0,0.07389390611174353,0.09253305303815236,0.0,0.0,0.18774520686010887,0.09193144249251484,0.0,0.0,0.10203359465925252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091460653893874,0.0664219859982633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122755561713231,0.0,0.0,0.10286314811942816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925430090964719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811787634098432,0.07375854769736444,0.0,0.0,0.2034425821963891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613906207462773,0.0,0.07606174580578824,0.055867073128887786,0.0,0.0,0.09154972780323394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953211842039492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881602171018206,0.0,0.0,0.22035153820622172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339587466778552
suicidewatch,Echaosin,2019/04/20,"Seasonal affective disorder? (SAD) I am not fully sure if it’s SAD or not but what do we call it when basically someone hates himself and everyone including people around him in Spring and Summer while counting every day for the fall to arrive so that he can love himself and be a better person all over again?

If anyone actually has the same problem, then please help me if you still can. My life is so dark right now and I can really use someone to light it :D 

Thank you!",5.311935483870967,5.999415838709678,6.315215053763442,77.39282258064519,68.03225806451613,9.640860215053763,29.478494623655912,9.725611199111238,2.6976752688172043,375,13,71,8,6,125,75,93,0.113,0.667,0.219,0.9464,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,2,0,1,7,8,1,0,3,0,8,2,0,2,2,19,12,14,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,10,4,6,11,2,15,0,2,0,1,11,4,0,4,10,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.21478282366185825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389686900000935,0.0,0.0,0.19593290299494345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946578208156941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247435417661056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194429142666865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522501140820587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544112976117286,0.21031201864551266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730012055327225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752631167954244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554609485107771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864604413165632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152587476696411,0.19218012231326956,0.0,0.2416003007906372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060300721258865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409997091381928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879615488045064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729747758631242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576966752254847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074387221787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263565326824806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009305321231973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Pegman2003,2019/04/20,"I deserve to die, and im only 16 Yesterday i decided that it was a good idea to go for a spin in my dads 2011 VW Golf Highline which has every extra bar heated steering wheel reversing camera heated leather seats. anyways heres how went down. It was Good Friday 19th of april2018 i went for a joyride in my dads 2011 VW golf. I crashed into a pole on the island at L Ds pub and wrote it off. Fortunately for me there was nobody around to either be injured or to even see it to report it. Unfortunately mam and Z were at the front door waiting to get in. I also left a 5 year old, R , in the house ON HIS OWN! The car is wrote off. I cant afford to buy dad a new car.  All this happened between 11:00pm and 11:50pm. I am NOT proud of my actions. I am sorry for my actions. I am willing to find somewhere to live so that I dont fuck up again and cost the family a fortune. Luckily S and J came over, checked on R and me, took me in to make sure i dont get bet around the gaff. They gave me tea and a can of coke. They offered me more stuff, gave me a bed for the night and allowed me to use their playstation with lees permission as its his playstation. I also am the only one who does anything in the house and never get thanks for it. My dad had me driving a 250 tonne Mobile Crane before and then work experience had me driving cars around.  I have been battling with depression and my school dont care about it they blame me for shit that isnt my fault. A girl who i help the whole time accused me of bullying when i tried to get her to stop highlighting shit that causes ppl to slag her. Then at home always get the blame for shit. Money went missing the day before my older brother D went on holidays and i got the blame cause my parents noticed after he left. I have tried to kill myself before by OD but that failed. Triend hanging but that failed aswell. Im fat and ugly no one likes me i have no real friends there all just friendly to me and i hate my life. I dont have a job to repay my parents damages are easily over €6000 with a family friend and the most i can offer is €1800 if even cause thats money from birthday bank and savings. so no matter what im fucked i failed at life and i failed at killing myself so im a mega-failure.",1.9925435897435904,3.407776269473686,3.4938947368421047,91.70608367071527,76.83157894736844,6.134952766531716,23.547908232118765,6.67199483983844,0.5483365721997302,1748,54,392,15,39,577,247,475,0.182,0.742,0.076,-0.9942,5,0,0,0,0,3,36.0,0,0,4,6,19,28,9,0,28,0,29,12,4,7,4,56,57,32,4,1,7,7,1,1,3,1,4,0,3,2,21,26,4,2,3,5,7,16,11,17,0,2,18,2,57,11,63,37,8,58,0,7,1,2,30,27,5,4,16,252,78,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070852075452855,0.06279805202099331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062106335141463076,0.20155600295894546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266119850664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631890271267707,0.07694787877419093,0.23258901624729414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867265542690634,0.0,0.06500320058769936,0.0,0.07832715000823072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604532179297852,0.0,0.3538065555772129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969598042810968,0.0,0.06358770838984225,0.0,0.0,0.07382527747390169,0.14229498811291105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897927409869588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492649588092676,0.1395437448820032,0.1971528339549755,0.0,0.042892000166722934,0.12660325868753158,0.060361182066031374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673889863787535,0.0,0.0,0.07451214688248807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058672851588647,0.0,0.07570372826684911,0.0,0.0,0.1741671742395508,0.0,0.08519775465951017,0.3260872202252925,0.0,0.07489348214024408,0.0,0.166995315860194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399927502746828,0.0,0.10661502626351403,0.03687139718663605,0.0,0.0666424180713713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050377586171385456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058208012198389614,0.0728905178169085,0.0,0.07082457226778982,0.0,0.0,0.08592441729210537,0.07919428810636978,0.0,0.1022824241315014,0.11479843796876048,0.0,0.0,0.16760358629620756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590270423192828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638084438865893,0.06014074422470821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324101873917636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448378609406418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309727017218082,0.0,0.0,0.0863964233035534,0.0,0.0,0.07113067630492012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948370540020513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044007841042494535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385123708265033,0.10247992885069718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518285156139411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798500903336118,0.0,0.08426085629477076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494390424047276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486009534198377
suicidewatch,renogonna6,2019/04/20,"I’m trapped Excuse my bad english. But I don’t know where to go and since reddit is pretty annonym, I chosed to come here. 
I’m in a fucked up situation and I am done. 
I’m in the USA visiting my girlfriend. Now thinks went down. She had a huge issues on tax pay day. Of course i stepped in and gave her what I have to cover her payment. But since then - we’re out of money. Now she expects my family to jump in and help me but my family has no money to support me.

Yesterday when I came home from a walk, she was shitface drunken and hurted herself. I tried to talk with her but she just freaked out and told me that I ruined her whole life when my parents can’t help us. She attacked me, my body is covered with blue marks. She told me that she knows my parents would help me immediately to get a plane ticket if I want to go back sooner than planned (I have a plane ticket for next week) but they are not willing to help us getting something to eat after tax pay day. I asked her why she doesn’t wait until the pay day and she finally admitted that she’s in dept. That her financial situation is more fucked up than I expected. Medical bills, Car bills, ... 
But still, she said that I am the asshole because my parents won’t help us. She laid down for about 30 minutes and than she attacked me again, screaming at me and telling me once more that I ruined her life. That everything is fucked up since I‘m with her. She punched me in my face and this morning, th first thing she did was drinking again. I tried to get the alcohol out of her hands but guess what, she is stronger than I am (yes, I‘m a woman)

Now I‘m sitting here, all I want is to escape to a hotel but I can‘t. I gave her everything for her taxes and I can‘t get ahold of my other money until I‘m back at home because I just have a Prepaid Credit Card with me. She always told me „She would live under a bridge with me“. But I think it is a fucking lie. I‘m scared, terrified and I can‘t go on. My life is a constant struggle and I already suffer under a depression. And now I blame myself for not bringing enough money. I can‘t. I feel like the biggest failure.

Now I realized that there is a possibility that she was just with me because of the money.",2.4188604219800602,4.037668759911895,3.7025133317876215,89.79696730813818,76.15859030837005,6.452956178993741,24.94296313470901,7.1686216300943375,0.9529524229074888,1723,59,370,19,38,563,203,454,0.16,0.7559999999999999,0.084,-0.9922,4,1,3,0,0,0,49.0,3,0,1,2,20,19,6,2,19,1,34,14,3,0,1,56,75,29,0,7,15,3,2,1,1,4,5,2,2,1,15,25,3,1,7,4,14,12,11,16,0,1,14,5,88,3,57,57,5,61,0,5,1,4,56,23,4,2,26,266,103,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686039822735389,0.0,0.0,0.08969119382444403,0.0,0.06762897741061462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598302615952418,0.1849286487455797,0.0,0.12499399666097605,0.0678629025117983,0.14863711981814892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028042767705233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295923892214293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001294127470388,0.0,0.08783156599331468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572508290518537,0.0,0.07000376353542878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317459277979619,0.0,0.07962052040252149,0.0,0.08316666483313241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839808707488864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609305894123145,0.0,0.15324144980667065,0.0,0.04109609478690103,0.05806430713988898,0.0,0.08903498393170015,0.0,0.06913417717995905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005571181495477,0.1698555178052008,0.0,0.1385747813993499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953578198818896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723913091232593,0.0,0.1630549217401366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700871265768871,0.0,0.0,0.08483207464053535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933543047657963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722250524681138,0.03970783817624169,0.0,0.07176908265929707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187802968715746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643901469364867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865573555361437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707454798384906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162760872018533,0.0,0.08268793159946784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731304204185559,0.0,0.08137245883023793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169953017477388,0.18271751335384784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257100769791851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490791953726623,0.0,0.0,0.08496837060165545,0.0,0.0,0.09223217975967916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532737624461438,0.07103968299803687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399682924811226,0.10415804332417923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23299097807439004,0.0,0.11036349966665046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932986814883751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587856429649673,0.0,0.06519550920482205,0.0,0.0,0.0753445960043608,0.07333985332378698,0.09074287121283801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154737018741624,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Zarysium,2019/04/20,please tell me some quick ways to die i got nowhere to go i fucked up in life man i left my friends for stupid shit i fukced up in college i have no fucking idea how i got this far and learned nothing. i hate this house i live in right now and i cant fucking get away coz i got no job and no money and if i get a job id probably fuck up coz i learned jack shit in college man wtf am i doing with my lifeit hurts just looking at social media and seeing other people the same age as me getting shit done. many have their jobs now some have families others travel to other fcking countries i want to do all that but i cant even afford to buy me new clothes. idk where to post this man is there some kind of magical black market immigration human trafficking to get me the fuck out this place i want to restart on life please. i hate my self and im always awkward idk how i got to be this awkward fucking person and im ugly as fuck. i have no real talent and people around get sick of my shit for sure. idk how to conversate with anyone and i cant keep my shit together man. im broke as fuck even killing myself needs money man i dont wanna die painfully all im saving up for is a gun or tons of pills to overdose im sick of this life. fucking someone please tell me death is okay please tell me its okay to die please get me out of here.,-0.2378645575877414,1.917705332179932,1.6759604547701452,97.75365397923876,89.1038062283737,4.271715274345033,18.291744933267427,5.6839178017228535,-0.4624333959466136,1047,29,242,7,35,344,141,289,0.279,0.602,0.119,-0.9955,4,0,0,1,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,0,13,30,18,2,4,2,16,21,5,5,3,40,44,18,5,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,8,11,14,0,1,3,1,3,2,8,23,0,0,5,3,35,7,40,38,7,28,0,2,3,9,15,19,14,5,5,141,46,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305936196177922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445874612358682,0.0,0.0,0.056766266746581015,0.0,0.0,0.05991131944080104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985406459263394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065255915338358,0.07473460359306204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423517834440394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060113976760824014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049266327871385705,0.5305651726306002,0.1998941669421956,0.0,0.03624033053366117,0.0,0.2040016022542704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259136818659764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357870859391685,0.06826403348822703,0.07198533007518451,0.34439722436095976,0.0,0.18983711673709985,0.05667915669407823,0.0705488834843601,0.06640365505131549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692831753144417,0.0,0.13512183309099982,0.0,0.0,0.05630754567474521,0.0,0.0535483305754642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464986302948561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047282520262259216,0.0,0.06158669328048514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061186282800856785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785272418521647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841620036181183,0.05567899990185501,0.06662308062118133,0.3499858092004451,0.0,0.0,0.06107128543074208,0.0,0.06875175332784254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258095642542911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054456782165946266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081414811088119,0.0,0.06652302559438372,0.0,0.32728022233083764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500256051739023,0.054029683868203546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009976709766756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672058516110854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752230130066269,0.05061538113174066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,kriegisbetter,2019/04/20,My friends aren't responding and my best friend almost killed himself last night I feel like I'm having to hold everything together but I'm still a kid and have so much to deal with and now i need to talk to someone samaritans is engaged and my friends are busy,6.243333333333332,6.0438483018867935,5.994339622641512,83.55238993710694,65.98113207547169,10.085534591194973,34.647798742138356,9.725611199111238,3.0269798742138367,212,9,44,4,3,66,39,53,0.044,0.68,0.275,0.9117,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,9,6,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,5,9,2,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24869269734532884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606343397864874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25604417015186065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22320639308334092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557627519984008,0.17742560334493948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5756377772190907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747691593079111,0.0,0.0,0.20244331880720054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133421533765285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257026432088155,0.18415285544951773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330653177919669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043126525779274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833745295572067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961917598048748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MLxRaider,2019/04/20,"I need help... I almost committed suicide in bed last nite. I took out a knife and lined it up to my throat to push into. I feel like I may try again one of these days, and I may do it. My family doesnt know about my problems, I lie constantly and try to keep them out of my loop of problems. I dont know how to continue living like this, I'm too scared to ask for help, and the fear I make is dragging my soul down as well... I dont know what to do next except to live a charade for the time being..",2.538030888030889,2.356607873873873,4.307799227799226,92.42108108108108,73.86486486486487,7.784298584298584,23.064350064350066,7.447530270364453,0.5508187902187904,378,8,97,4,7,129,69,111,0.141,0.773,0.085,-0.8028,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,2,4,0,9,1,1,2,1,22,19,6,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,4,1,1,1,1,16,3,21,15,0,15,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,9,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025385303364646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894890676754947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373486948268009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965101299338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985322650106933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028290889011584,0.19132356932985514,0.08596892844303654,0.12146473506759267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279261723913145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511245902847338,0.0,0.0,0.2803212058186932,0.13859174561923318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166129668354233,0.0,0.3002675151277917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349192492998962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260701802751082,0.0,0.0,0.18082179115601624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521224103213593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253788207783289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022306198885853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597797939465266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991419988828804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889022286994025,0.23086942578761796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528714356227094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,a_vile_woman,2019/04/20,"Almost Killed Myself Monday Until my Wife Stopped Me And now I want to try again.  

I’m so tired of being a disappointing wife and human, I’m an alcoholic and I deserve to die and the only thing stopping me is I haven’t found a full proof way to kill myself.",0.7761111111111099,3.0156047592592614,2.997777777777781,89.60000000000002,84.74074074074073,5.0814814814814815,18.259259259259263,6.42735559955562,0.004059259259259651,203,5,42,2,6,69,40,54,0.3720000000000001,0.608,0.021,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,10,7,6,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,5,5,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26804839336404185,0.2511582119116389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603097082934803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750092269165029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5549863866280947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075855496500946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193905176151403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663247719431878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882786415281049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702891039841128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793908180375756,0.1990878246027524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,TarHeels1998,2019/04/20,I can’t do this anymore... It hurts too much. Too many people have hurt me. There is no light; only darkness. This is the end.,-1.80153846153846,-0.2327426923076921,0.053384615384615586,103.9416153846154,110.53846153846158,2.08,12.892307692307696,3.1291,-1.7747907692307692,94,2,22,0,5,30,23,26,0.349,0.6509999999999999,0.0,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33095628088846923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955730389954489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7144990715838934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383353191440099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453194214372248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25380581122256785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313564326754332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,iwnt2nekrope,2019/04/20,"Not gonna lie this is gonna be dark and not a plea for help it was just funny to me Be me, cuts, walks away for water. Damn I guess I can't even kill myself cause I lost my razor. Idk it was just funny to me",-1.6405999999999992,-0.2967998600000001,1.2899999999999991,103.625,87.6,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.146,157,0,45,0,5,55,36,50,0.196,0.632,0.172,0.1729,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,3,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,7,10,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,5,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36986235243974297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044036264781739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600128115307786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336677002607336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638661549057048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355333224351016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297331591504053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Orange_Cardinal,2019/04/20,"Today is the anniversary of my wifes passing, I am really thinking about harming myself now So I barely know where to begin this post. Um, I am alone in my house and today is the anniversary of my wife's passing. I struggled last couple of years trying to find a way forward after she passed away, but finally have come to a point where I have no friends nearby, very little family to talk to, and a real sense that I should just end my life today. I actually posted once before about this, under an anonymous account about a month ago, but I think I am getting closer to making this decision. I am so tired of being alone, so tired of crying by myself. I don't think I will ever find a partner again, I don't think even if I found a partner, I am confident that I would make for a good father, or what not. My wife before she died, wanted us to have kids, and died during the IVF process (please please take your blood pressure very seriously if you happen to read this), so I thought I should start a family and try to rebuild, but I don't I am going to be successful in doing that, and have given up all hope.   


Where I live, there is medically assisted suicide, and I thought carbon monoxide also seemed feasible. I just want to hug Hiroko today, and really don't think I want to do this another full day. I thought about going to a bar, and seeing if I could find someone to just sit and talk with me till the morning, but that's unrealistic I think.... I wish I knew how to make friends, I wish I wasn't so dumb, so arrogant in the past. Anyways, thanks for reading, I am pretty sure having lived in isolation for so long, I am likely going a little insane, so I no longer can tell what is and isnt reasonable, so please help me figure out a little bit of whats real. I don't know if I should talk to Hiroko more or less today, I don't know a way forward if I am honest, as I lost my job on Thursday of this week. I really had used that job as a chance to rebuild my life a little, give me a little desire to want to go on, but now that that has failed, and it being the week that she died makes it feel like an omen I shouldn't ignore. I don't think I will kill myself and see her again, but I don't think I am 100% positive it wont happen, and it seems a good risk to take, as I am pretty sure she is the only woman who would be willing to love me. I hate April as her birthday, then her passing, and then our anniversary all fall in a very short span.   


Anyways if anyone is willing to talk a little that may help, maybe even about something stupid or anything else. If anyone has a non cliche reason, why I should be here come next week to slowly watch as I lose my house, I really do want to hear it. Thank you for reading. It going to sound so pathetic and needy, but I really just want to hug someone today, and knowing that wont happen makes me really want to just find the courage to do this today.",7.807825419173177,4.990667840266227,8.30752911813644,76.67271822603357,64.44093178036606,11.04315883783438,32.76596697811341,8.950670267944501,2.520990477409446,2256,58,476,27,26,758,249,601,0.14800000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.189,0.9748,2,3,1,0,0,3,69.0,2,3,0,4,36,30,4,3,29,0,60,10,1,9,5,106,121,53,5,26,23,4,1,2,4,14,5,2,0,4,27,20,1,1,28,4,1,14,16,13,1,0,9,6,79,17,64,92,6,77,0,3,3,3,33,27,1,14,37,333,106,7,0.0,0.0,0.05056367282372207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045930605215414436,0.0,0.0,0.10732880537433344,0.0,0.04143619685679795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433223073978543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246008596071518,0.0,0.04263908318799252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486816162702718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818098670622927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656823249251847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926755209768156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041369821736442484,0.05733198000057601,0.056916014901180124,0.03341619496628158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613264342907406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432845331192656,0.0,0.04589244476777224,0.0,0.0,0.06844624132626771,0.04686936258277838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769257550877747,0.0,0.02619906916927668,0.037016432021393784,0.0,0.0567604711495739,0.18943078833051516,0.0,0.0,0.056812144101149986,0.08006381735091123,0.0,0.02707104216858687,0.04970538163094775,0.1472374403547203,0.0869194240290094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374587042246298,0.0,0.0,0.05115628900339395,0.0,0.0,0.058398932659275836,0.0,0.06946060238409564,0.0,0.0,0.0514636883656804,0.0,0.11957441401271594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283618918883357,0.0,0.057325288545436434,0.0,0.11390401615819855,0.042235896102566776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319650988237154,0.050628090300852094,0.3115916495623741,0.09150665874976427,0.04585437897201965,0.0,0.057967395594755576,0.056561865824881215,0.0,0.04676478971620586,0.0,0.1729335729341639,0.0,0.05205483050261681,0.0,0.0,0.05219785905062849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04135799918588515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055105521257578234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05518096443372806,0.0,0.039407414197377685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04946299408991483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063094275904162,0.0489816394756708,0.0,0.09924831935672276,0.10542835520855272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554861653320339,0.1179529445257304,0.19916294160452347,0.10654828261859844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825792148303119,0.09434031368218024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878048543021977,0.03988948748462645,0.0,0.0,0.03667471133723225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054167974600424836,0.0,0.056676871916012415,0.0,0.09766948306562752,0.0,0.07791641193747306,0.16658677256365909,0.045288331611067996,0.09540802844092973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656061405091445,0.0,0.12340525208662327,0.0,0.11910675076186435,0.34379993935465164,0.0,0.0,0.0703575601653428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062326704304604935,0.044751264485759785,0.0,0.12825766188266088,0.2139315676606404,0.08225619414253413,0.124687880737109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046754707474223084,0.0,0.11916869569558168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361535246404728,0.0,0.0,0.03336696797780798
suicidewatch,heroinfother,2019/04/20,pills + alcohol Anyone that's experienced with pills know if 2.5 mg of Xanax with liquor will kill me? I need to be removed from existence,4.857777777777779,6.398038666666665,5.408333333333335,80.33250000000002,69.74074074074073,9.844444444444443,28.314814814814817,10.125756701596842,2.7892370370370365,112,4,22,3,2,36,25,27,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,1,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5550732062099736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631716926485588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5746314483783621,0.0,0.2854448335188911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851233607021513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Dekidakluk,2019/04/20,"Everything was okay just two months ago English is not my first language, i'm sorry if this is hard to read.

Just two months ago i was the happiest i've ever been. I thought i found someone who understood me, who knew exactly what made me happy and when i was depressed. I didn't see her in a romantic way, she was more of an older sister to me than anything.

Things were okay, even if i was a little annoying i knew she still loved me and cared about me, but my fucking idiotic brain had to fuck up everything. 

I started to think that she hated me, that she didn't care about me at all, that she only helped me out of pityness, so i started to ask her if it was true, if all of these insecurities had some truth to them. I just wanted to improve myself and be a better person. 

She of course told me that none of those insecurities were true, but at this point i just couldn't believe her at all. She hated me, it was a fact to me.

And now, 2 months later, that she does actually hate me i just don't know what to do. I just want to kill myself just for her, i feel that it's the only way she could feel better. I just want her to know how sorry i am for being such a shitty friend. I seriously don't care about my life at all, i never did. Suicidal thoughts don't scare me at all and i could easily grab my dad's gun and just pull the trigger. I don't care if things get better or if i meet someone else in the future, i already know i'm a terrible person, what's the point.",3.609824281150157,3.7992086006389814,5.1409760383386605,86.07868450479236,71.61980830670926,8.176932907348244,25.23466453674121,8.07648339933343,1.1958333546325868,1144,30,260,15,20,388,144,313,0.201,0.638,0.161,-0.9659,0,0,0,1,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,4,20,30,8,3,12,2,28,5,1,3,12,60,62,18,2,12,19,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,20,7,0,0,12,1,0,1,10,15,0,3,23,5,56,15,31,34,8,31,0,2,1,3,27,12,2,8,16,192,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.09198490626768092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711295598667908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401909462169193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756857544864214,0.0,0.08812108804349535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061995998304627,0.0,0.2500979514571264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522618410783786,0.0,0.0,0.3844205153444312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051909650645545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118665604249974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248822788946515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874277123215692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225834419427311,0.08526425560566038,0.0,0.0,0.16943098952752256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532214680045098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017815585943397,0.0,0.10335206004969122,0.07282563076589982,0.17428511082824044,0.04924735758668329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003423337397396,0.08443912789916104,0.2791889623238727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318100172304061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428556707110613,0.0,0.15540974870958327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657916370240946,0.0,0.09447404654427564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507401773739177,0.08919181197338394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257141223776569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726997105149087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337911384858265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646097228456989,0.0,0.0,0.17821377540015718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428627013079822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943714665146472,0.0,0.07511362319650586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597336752215876,0.0,0.0,0.21103441125281575,0.13343650476145272,0.0,0.07527676615899825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310597430125512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524532345560066,0.060398490097894775,0.0,0.1496650317274425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007019738473472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841581353669759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679231861831706,0.14963961052661914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cstein46,2019/04/20,"its over its over for subhumancels    
   
never began, actually",7.666666666666668,11.617609000000002,8.89777777777778,47.30000000000004,70.1111111111111,12.488888888888884,31.222222222222214,11.20814326018867,5.9953555555555536,47,2,5,2,1,16,7,9,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.7845506052450685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6200647932350267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,MrWortex,2019/04/20,"I going to do it in a few hours. I am just done to be honest, atleast there is one good thing about that: my parents will be probably really devastated and sad if I succeed, because those poor excuses of an animal deserve it in every way. There is no turning back after that, sorry.",6.406904761904763,5.713577785714289,7.915000000000003,71.56333333333335,65.78571428571429,11.038095238095238,34.73809523809524,10.504223727775694,3.6641023809523823,220,9,41,5,3,77,47,56,0.211,0.65,0.139,-0.5936,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,10,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,3,7,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268569017138952,0.0,0.17984520527589826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019141866551807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485722593001012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767016232095866,0.247453940734732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905413334089293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991735743318528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275916302646864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180880933087145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890013089667668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302576254970478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600226751410652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32090373689342144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341780288789982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,meowthrone,2019/04/20,"everything hurts and i just want it to end I've always been suicidal. I don't know what caused it. The awful childhood, the bullying, the loneliness? Doesn't matter. I've survived until now but lately it just keeps on getting harder and harder.

My SO just cheated on me and left me several months ago after I told her about my struggle. She always knew that I've been struggling with bipolar and anxiety disorder but I've never been upfront about being suicidal. She kept on complaining that I wasn't completely open about it to her but to be honest, I simply didn't want her to be worried. Especially, when she's also been struggling with anxiety and depression.

So yeah, long story short, I told her about being suicidal and since then she told me that she kept on having nightmares and she couldn't take it anymore. That was her reason for cheating.

Now, I feel empty. My chest keeps on hurting 24/7 and I've been feeling constantly lonely. I have friends, sure. I've tried going out more. Also currently undergoing therapy. Been writing an album about this. I thought it would do me good.

But no, nothing is working so far. I'm tired. I just want to stop the pain. Ever since she left, it feels like I just lost a huge part of me. She was my love, my best friend. I'm so tired of not being with her.

Z, I'm sorry for everything. I'm in so much pain and I'm tired.

To all my friends, I'm sorry for giving up, for being selfish.",1.6493230174081257,4.2145576524822745,3.224996776273372,87.16136363636367,84.177304964539,6.113217279174728,23.084461637653128,7.463857097105799,1.2501475177304968,1126,41,215,19,33,370,141,282,0.304,0.55,0.146,-0.9953,1,2,0,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,0,4,21,23,2,3,6,2,24,8,1,2,4,48,52,23,3,5,10,0,3,1,3,1,6,0,0,0,13,14,0,5,7,0,0,1,8,14,0,0,18,3,36,9,30,26,5,32,0,5,0,1,24,14,0,0,18,147,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189555146538638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776379175935306,0.15374686432606213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135169103111275,0.0,0.09162313512257593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695451619816796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490695643645797,0.0,0.0,0.09686607123258256,0.09983758721006658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957283657601211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588357103922602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818275103218141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356938206117097,0.0,0.0,0.16606305885449862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014101539278112,0.0660013317798751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413403253533686,0.0,0.04826842400054245,0.0886260832047088,0.05250569339397699,0.07748987990169738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780451002453525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642357218814142,0.0,0.0,0.050773510242509125,0.0,0.10421662407599737,0.0,0.20075761489219107,0.0,0.0,0.045135649262424485,0.0,0.0,0.08175963794520362,0.0,0.0,0.10085138595311326,0.0,0.08338292572043463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374246724918761,0.0,0.06791511687946973,0.0,0.07125459362309389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886478726145989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966126842417156,0.0,0.0,0.10004617937374537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498928134972133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437107716230523,0.0,0.15284705603895066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068394923144096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723971623565758,0.0,0.2897490331899259,0.0,0.30316933507358906,0.0,0.08707370760177137,0.0,0.06946356894163118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565265097003117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334500330052493,0.0,0.31855599304033244,0.0,0.2648393755660825,0.0,0.06272474706653892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634768391569393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725887761598195,0.09382354067261853,0.0,0.06562911437904012,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Anime_Thick_Thighs,2019/04/20,"I'm losing interest I was really keen on maths and physics. I really love these subjects and i wish to study them in the future. However, for about 2 months i have not been enjoying them. Every equation is utterly repulsive, i can't seem to find any motivation to reas physics text book even on my fav topic (waves). In addition to that my low moods and lot's of work in school is affecting my relationship. It seems as we're are colder and colder to each other. She's my only lover and only friend. I'm really scared i can lose her.. and i was thinking more and more maybe i should lose my life before i lose her and everything i like in life.",2.84809090909091,4.627075823076929,4.540629370629372,83.55800699300701,75.38461538461539,8.727272727272727,23.356643356643357,9.339509955726095,1.9165384615384613,507,15,104,13,11,171,85,130,0.135,0.672,0.193,0.8529,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,6,2,14,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,2,0,20,17,9,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,20,7,15,13,4,9,0,5,0,2,9,7,0,3,3,64,24,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016214435513792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715882827532327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870091243017784,0.0,0.12590607586124736,0.0,0.1343032285610694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658158058282124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545370018945565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110179820267266,0.0730067657546276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6687215806788471,0.0,0.12704494225510118,0.13487161092141758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012830996856413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927820072617586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273052639518673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28719712986052137,0.0,0.0,0.1604380852268047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961126854424853,0.15123697065769473,0.0,0.27208141335313624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575240329979157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184375314637146,0.0,0.0,0.10879101560010213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Abbeyblogs,2019/04/20,"I almost killed myself 75% of men die from suicide every day, this staggering statistics is high compared to the rate at which we dismiss men with mental health issues or who've gone through abuse.  We're losing our mental and we keep been reluctant to do anything about it.  
Jaycob in this post talks about the time when he almost became a part of such staggering statistics.  Would love feedback",8.503333333333334,8.68812933333334,7.327222222222224,74.59000000000002,61.22222222222222,9.977777777777778,33.27777777777778,9.516144504307137,3.098211111111111,320,11,52,5,4,97,60,72,0.247,0.7040000000000001,0.048,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,1,1,5.0,3,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,7,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,11,4,1,8,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,3,3,32,9,1,0.0,0.23912914159857024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041963553022773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608444450770388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016016676688072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946206484986507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700459252890964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453010595698227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132387647769296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106524407337436,0.0,0.17939097266000673,0.22328901074950386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22579009624729626,0.0,0.0,0.18215457607969515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067834427298056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855636792259509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932921718322311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207633486654332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221896388802914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768554394455699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337040113321614,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,poopface767,2019/04/20,"Box cutter is the best thing ever! I will turn 21 on 22 April 2019! I failed most of my courses. Whole life I went with the flow. Choose a random course and failed 3 times. I just hate my life and my parents. I guess they shouldn't have had me. Worst thing in life is not being born poor, but having low intelligence.  I am stupid! For past 2 years I am just eating and pooping, that's my typical day loading and unloading. I don't want to go outside ever. I hate outside world. Simple things are hard for me. My law exams are coming in 1 month and I know even though I put in 100000 hours I will still score low. That's my brain capacity. Even though I become a lawyer I will be crushed. Basically I don't want to be a lawyer or doctor or anything. I think due to my low IQ I can't take decisions. I would die, rather than work at McDonalds. Fuck my life!",0.10596016343207636,2.3770687584269687,1.7519713993871306,96.91261491317672,88.94382022471909,4.809397344228807,16.517875383043922,6.351523495107088,-0.4606269662921343,661,15,152,7,22,214,113,178,0.249,0.7040000000000001,0.046,-0.9887,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,10,11,4,0,5,0,20,9,2,0,2,28,33,10,1,5,7,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,4,0,1,5,5,10,0,0,2,1,29,1,13,23,4,26,0,5,0,1,2,9,1,5,12,95,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678957532231432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567415133597061,0.0,0.0,0.14893820694318144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584317010292236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225309176542873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152784082605936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729245518725315,0.0,0.0,0.1452630089318744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522146509709813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747606325537888,0.25675284468647924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312044469097505,0.0,0.0,0.08065744779153616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634289850419916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713408530312556,0.28023685412891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976441667573158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799652736417306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4009743486532141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328065239593058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758739926808873,0.0,0.13548044756173544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426706403675191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333895846994654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670755537467276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828596771221525,0.09093777947891422,0.2788749589898923,0.0,0.0827557616223525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437019948154845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741834732077174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156296024201325,0.0,0.15845065725655708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033207840742598,0.0,0.0,0.10081719761155288,0.0,0.0,0.0913930068041157
suicidewatch,cheskafoz__,2019/04/20,"Tired. There's nowhere that I could feel safe anymore or anyone I could trust anymore, not even from my family. I couldn't endure it anymore and I just wanna end it all but I don't know why I still can't do it. I just want this to end.",-0.5210897435897444,1.477831634615388,1.405384615384616,100.42294871794874,88.42307692307692,4.235897435897436,16.358974358974358,5.46131890053228,-0.8859333333333335,183,4,45,1,6,60,35,52,0.044,0.831,0.125,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,15,9,3,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,8,2,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6647419491692566,0.15622613055106166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567783331074491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395781979694831,0.0,0.0,0.14757216047141197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062813896713015,0.0,0.11297196645818924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279024695242942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842997848963826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25679774661216986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178368900900567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016091186451189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tedstrad,2019/04/20,"My friend tried to commit suicide We're online friends and I've known her for 3 years.
She's been doing very bad lately and the last few days she stopped talking to me and I got really concerned.

She just messaged me telling me she's attempted suicide and that it didn't work and she's at a loss and doesn't know how to keep going.

Please I am the most terrible comforter I don't know what to say I just wanna make her feel okay but I'm so shitty with emotions and really need someone to tell me what to say.

Thank u",0.4418601398601396,2.7252321090909097,1.9772727272727264,95.95744755244759,87.0,4.83916083916084,20.27972027972028,6.297961479604792,0.07104195804195745,412,13,91,4,13,133,75,110,0.172,0.703,0.125,-0.8140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,3,4.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,2,1,23,16,10,2,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,3,16,5,10,13,2,7,0,1,0,0,15,1,0,1,5,53,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470226666130105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194912035308302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084166864777749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368386525106197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862959682928112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529971452786326,0.0,0.14818649667563638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646866607362458,0.0,0.0,0.2036516723623366,0.15102910617415502,0.2090055393025055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367680270982845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738384315091454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338338671265413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23739207506099386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29468648209503395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569883663745318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490358367043094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053356550283879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892220647828092,0.3238882976096087,0.17058226043410835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579393839024391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528765956733824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488709803877802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931517534734483
suicidewatch,zarga94,2019/04/20,"What is the meaning of life. I no longer have a reason to continue living this life It’s been almost 2 years since I started fighting my depression. Every day it’s getting worse and harder to take off the suicide Ideas out of my head. The only thing that makes me feel better is thinking how I’m going to end my life. 

I'm just a failure, a loser. I'm 25 M how hasn’t achieved anything in his life. I'm a student how's going to be kicked out of University with a big study debt. 
Even im my private life I'm a failure I was never in a relationship because the only one I truly admired and loved, disrespected and humiliated me in public. Since then I lost my self confidence and I grow fears of being rejected. 
I even lost all of my friends because of this depression No one stayed by my side no one cares about me.
That’s make me questioning my life. What did I do wrong to end up like this but it doesn’t matter anymore now. I know I will never be happy in my life, I know I will always be alone and no one will ever care about me. 
My entire existence is meaningless and I only have this solution left to end this and to find peace. 
And the best part is no one will ever notice or cares about my death.


The last thing I want to say is: I'm sorry mum for letting you down. I'm sorry because I failed you. I'm sorry because I wasn’t able to make you proud. Please forgive me.",1.86196551724138,3.485118506896556,3.867103448275864,87.99824137931036,77.72413793103449,6.433103448275862,23.32413793103448,7.24861992348623,0.8478303448275852,1077,34,231,13,25,367,145,290,0.209,0.631,0.16,-0.6608,1,4,0,0,2,2,23.0,0,3,0,8,12,22,1,1,13,0,23,9,1,7,5,38,51,14,2,1,3,1,1,1,1,4,7,1,0,1,14,11,0,0,10,0,1,3,10,10,0,5,6,2,37,12,30,36,3,30,0,7,0,1,14,12,0,3,15,152,51,3,0.0848853168631697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500038317984794,0.08791558819812456,0.0,0.0,0.0706313836511129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418342496320322,0.0,0.0,0.06985338308065384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698120513104867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908190304002199,0.07507416463336737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596387135554291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474400698969112,0.0,0.1462231980611496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22554958633165706,0.0,0.0,0.1121319024312671,0.15356725775768365,0.07151954053091658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551958099391734,0.04292056672441304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758364178575995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558218524135218,0.0,0.04434907454875468,0.0,0.0964845635124682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036199823689743,0.0,0.0,0.08711682451612003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582519046223864,0.09169070860573036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330150041035898,0.06919286273580393,0.0,0.0,0.09222814514291897,0.08680098764876454,0.4196990676026098,0.04147067809637231,0.0,0.07495528996127661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532470146237154,0.0,0.07661231261305051,0.0,0.16998482445436094,0.0,0.0,0.09246499504734687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309375787573382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966424958648107,0.0,0.0,0.28760243777875605,0.19367732565994375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192252614907112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931785873335176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509098180413804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727624336489792,0.0,0.09113506286802504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750421101673684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855389828800275,0.0,0.0,0.14043602257974958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850664876952031,0.06008226417807967,0.09047645342534637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928507592038768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382319417307554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278806537058328,0.054391083527049314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050067559188621255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650538983907265,0.0,0.09280876846959137,0.0,0.0546633609854468
suicidewatch,Troutbumwombat,2019/04/20,"I don't get it. Really, I do and don't. What makes suicide so wrong. I understand I may not be of sound mind. My decisions may be irrational. But I have had times of balance. I still think I'm not really worth being alive. Wasting energy, not contributing positively, draining on anyone caught in my circle.  Wife no longer wants me, kids avoid me. Except for supporting therapists, doctors and the drug industry, which all will be fine without me, I don't get it. I have the potential to get better and share joy, to add to the world. But that's really not happening.  Is that enough for society to claim I'm wrong to not want to be?",2.1032630272952844,4.521871435483874,3.9267741935483897,83.89862282878416,80.61290322580646,8.65409429280397,23.248138957816376,9.265573868473778,2.2543468982630266,494,17,98,15,13,166,78,124,0.16899999999999998,0.6709999999999999,0.16,-0.054000000000000006,0,1,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,3,0,16,2,0,1,1,24,29,6,1,2,9,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,10,3,0,0,2,1,13,5,14,19,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,67,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357384057132539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168992734437605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869764019736455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22512617575999805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058551833409768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042706938232824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166623634218692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958156023776507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601335463823544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37308898840137494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503040833311546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123438892651815,0.22029349564018696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253968969263513,0.0,0.12438901217943693,0.0,0.0,0.11319725970159887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209349043447394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22900276390378965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713190537436025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244957181550311,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,effiepooh,2019/04/20,"Out of options My wife wants to divorce me. Her family is wealthy, and can easily out spend me in court. I put everything I had into our relationship, but it wasn’t enough for her. I’m so lost. She’s about to completely destroy my life, so what’s to stop me from beating her to the punch. I hope my ghost haunts her for the rest of her life.",1.905416666666668,3.3747075972222227,3.512222222222224,91.255,77.19444444444444,7.5777777777777775,23.11111111111111,8.344100000000001,1.1004277777777776,265,8,62,5,6,88,51,72,0.256,0.6579999999999999,0.086,-0.9479,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,9,8,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,16,1,14,5,2,6,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,2,1,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126350605694628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080986666764126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679841032195348,0.0,0.2810966708488296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961590764467999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212253620816752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254976562460219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997523026053102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201327090377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492910371653473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587372909556934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Hosicoisthebest,2019/04/20,"Not suicidal but have another question. There was a suicidal person making homophobic remarks. Should I report him or will it impact his mental health as he was venting in that comment,",6.128645833333334,9.170935406250004,7.0075,63.82083333333336,69.9375,9.266666666666666,35.666666666666664,9.725611199111238,4.628154166666667,151,8,19,4,3,50,30,32,0.0,0.7959999999999999,0.204,0.8009,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,0,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236964854317391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32813125130474224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060581316457953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110947050474753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695429505395427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458121060480757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6753304252256258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,im-bout_to-die,2019/04/20,". I hate my parents
They look at me like im a pile of shit
Unlike my sisters they got good grades
All the attention goes to them
I think they didnt even see me as their brother. i feel weak, left out
Rot, humiliated until i am the man they
""Perfer""
I have been thinking about suicide
They always say""if you feel down just talk to us""... Bullshit. I just want them to be happy and want myself to be happy


""Life is hard"" then why dont you end it
""Keep fighting"" what if im tired
""We love you"" more like dont make us look bad",-1.4161261261261266,0.5369393243243259,0.7411261261261295,100.73259009009013,101.70270270270271,3.187387387387388,14.274774774774775,5.033348758259628,-1.2423117117117115,399,9,95,2,18,131,79,111,0.232,0.603,0.165,-0.8779,1,0,0,0,2,1,18.0,3,3,8,0,4,11,3,0,3,0,9,5,1,1,1,16,23,5,1,3,3,3,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,6,25,6,11,18,2,7,0,0,3,1,21,4,1,1,5,58,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361996272720532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404755772267162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482397288253029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158660269766492,0.0,0.0,0.09812735417696612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024026387224448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461127070361495,0.11882290671497843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163054799882869,0.13308719203806407,0.1466795310347833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209565321914186,0.0,0.0,0.13205351475915916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141889448582647,0.0,0.10493753507234303,0.14516503615074505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495183652834478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408786208198653,0.0,0.09916988066303932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496649517055664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814674466860632,0.0,0.0,0.1183889678131965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250228193483892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625086016815573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941283345736088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039195809949847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075634966082084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574165341718408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752577814788988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405895344622296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,butimalreadydead,2019/04/20,"I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough I’m tired, I’m ruined and I don’t have the strength or to keep going in this miserable life. I can’t take back what I did, what I said or how it affected everyone. 
I get it. I’m an asshole. I’ve hurt too many people and the regret is beyond anything I can bear. 

S, I’m sorry. It has to be this way. Look after L.

L, I’m sorry i hurt you so much. I wish I could fix what I’ve done but I know I can’t. It was never your fault. Forgive me, I know you’ll see this on here. I’m sorry.

Z, you’re a dick but you’ve got the damn balls to admit it to everyone. Props. Keep it cool.

F and A see you in hell lads.




I’m out.",-3.5165584415584417,-2.0862213051948038,0.3747376623376617,103.34753506493507,106.20779220779221,3.50296103896104,11.354805194805195,5.414198509911553,-1.5352428051948053,485,8,135,4,25,177,86,154,0.235,0.669,0.096,-0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,4,0,2,6,12,2,1,6,1,14,3,1,2,1,20,36,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,12,4,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,5,18,4,10,27,2,10,1,5,3,1,7,5,3,2,3,74,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750886873040088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980124220686434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401091647291065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612979584999525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475463490435099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27289522695983365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460497043424795,0.0,0.08115420762947052,0.0,0.11420693563149464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057319547448972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253847135656896,0.0,0.0,0.1569537978054891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086097575514076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991260216835906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477264225386935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497142576634344,0.0,0.11013301056805852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899670582897492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583161242555278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275797083293609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6393933312833235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736475479475976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641228949327163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334474849214607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420825182292673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Qubeix,2019/04/20,"I'm just so tired...barely holding the pieces together I can't handle this anymore. It's way too much for me and I have no support to lean on...

Broke up with a long term abusive bf, whom I had an accidental child with (the only thing in my life right now stopping me from trying to..leave) but I still am living with him and his family because I'm poor with bad credit and evictions. None know about the abuse or the breakup. Every time I have a moment alone I cry. I can't fucking do this...

Found out recently I was abused as young child, and am very likely a child of closely related incestuous rape. It explains a lot about how I was treated growing up, which has left me with this permanent aching black hole of loneliness in my stomach. I try desperately to find affection from anywhere and it has done nothing but left me in ruins. 

No family that cares...no friends. Trying to keep this fake fucking smile plastered to my face and this chipper attitude in my voice. It's exhausting. I have nothing left in me. I dont laugh anymore unless its on cue in expected social situations. 

This house has guns. I walk past train tracks known for many past suicides. I have easy access to pills if I wanted. I need it. The thought of another day, another week, another month? No no no no no. 

I just want to sleep. Stay asleep. My child is the only reason I keep waking up, but goddamn if I'm not painfully empty inside.",2.2895734840698907,4.632833471223024,3.6051644398766713,86.89922661870506,79.39568345323741,6.561356628982527,25.03648509763617,7.7094869923839395,1.444949229188078,1107,42,217,18,28,361,166,278,0.268,0.639,0.094,-0.9956,2,1,0,1,2,1,43.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,3,0,11,0,18,12,5,3,0,41,33,16,1,6,10,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,4,16,13,0,4,7,0,2,2,12,9,0,0,6,2,30,6,34,27,5,35,0,2,1,3,11,17,2,4,15,140,46,1,0.0,0.3628050500759928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571265102176014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210845845565821,0.0,0.0,0.20244994562048496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522331079975269,0.062220285260369386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211795006593067,0.06582602954770958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445197462462028,0.11962405059538002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599749355419427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244304650848226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328917222975763,0.0,0.0,0.11191333663346692,0.07885821847702072,0.18872220126956474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777386560458775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144714716076507,0.0,0.0,0.05609442622654996,0.0,0.0,0.10807628169052153,0.3326946422711513,0.0,0.07209431874526738,0.04986573383730234,0.0,0.09012875386847843,0.09032780985835608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677537226016288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348189612584667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147046302522712,0.0,0.07503242331024355,0.07568283397778885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958758229151138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525607352799495,0.1086085604355868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948727264589112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494388135732773,0.10078077558531982,0.0,0.0,0.08716632659954993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472977763075863,0.10214266414074516,0.10404644186650118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879192123569513,0.08151239624812794,0.0853342135189476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164686611326456,0.1158266362101332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781007576876047,0.0,0.0,0.08103134601244856,0.05951722624101503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789435357714373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421757423635688,0.12040582382478893,0.08101758251608475,0.08187355592025729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,RedShirtCapnKirk,2019/04/20,Anyone I can talk to quickly I need to talk to someone and I have no one to turn to. I can’t read the sidebar cause it’s hard to read with the substances in my system and crying.,-0.0627500000000012,1.6729502250000008,2.1750000000000007,97.28,84.25,4.0,20.0,3.1291,-0.6037499999999998,139,4,33,0,4,47,28,40,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,8,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,24,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356086892030985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843731681506038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040767383501733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479787664900357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526052511244405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875822263602089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537952261161131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345509761521521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449992022578278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30110360694366844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,BiggestBoy1994,2019/04/20,"Everything is a downward spiral This is going to be a long story but I need to get it out. I’m a guy by the way

I wouldn’t say I am one of the more popular kids at my school. I’ve done some bad things in the past which sort of make me different from everyone else. Not a lot of people want to hang out with me or do anything with me because I’m the odd one out which kinda sucks because it feels like you don’t have anyone to talk to in this world. 

This recently all changed when I started talking to this girl. I’m not going to share her real name because that’s not cool. We’ve known each other for a couple of years before hand but we never really talked. She would do her own thing and I would do mine. This all changed recently like I said when we started talking to each other. She told me she had done things in the past which are also pretty bad which made me feel good because I could relate to someone. We started talking for a few days and we were becoming friends. We talked about everything. We talked about her problems with the guy she was currently dating at the time and her mental problems like depression and anxiety. I always tried to help her as much as I could. She told me that she cut herself once and I was the first person to actually call her. I felt like we were becoming really good friends because she started saying that she cared about me, she thought my style was unique, she always used to say she loved me and so on. Eventually I started taking an interest in this person and I wanted to be more than just friends. I didn’t know if she felt the same way because she would lead me into things that I thought were signs. To get this out of the way I’m a guy that takes things very personally and literally. I’m also very paranoid about things and do tend to worry a lot. I started telling her my problems with school and shit as well. I thought it was okay to tell her all these things because she would do the same to me. She then broke up with her boyfriend and I thought I was about to hit a home run. Three or four days later I decided to ask her if we could be more than just friends. She did say no but I was determined to eventually be with her because I love her and I still do. I get very jealous easily and I’m very sensitive to certain things. Like I get very jealous when she starts hanging out with people that aren’t me, especially when they’re guys. Recently everything has been going down hill. She has told me everything that she doesn’t like about me like how I always make things negative and things along those lines. She told me that I don’t have a chance with her and we have no future together. She also told me that 3 other guys like her and she likes them back. One of those three ain’t me. It feels like I’ve been shot in the chest and had my heart ripped out. She says all these things to me about how she loves me as a friends and she cares but I’m starting to not believe it. I’ve been thinking about ending my life as well. It’s all too much for me to handle especially what’s been going on more recently. I want to end it but I don’t want to hurt the lives of the people that care for me like my family. Nothing is really getting better because she makes excuses for not being able to hang out with me because she is seeing other people that she rather prefers. I though we were close friends because I literally stopped her from killing herself. She said that she’s drifting away from everyone recently but that’s probably a lie too because all I do is weigh her down with all my worries that I tell her. I just want to be one of her closest friends or the person she can genuinely say that she loves because I live everything about her and I can’t get over her. She does help from time to time but I don’t think she really cares. I want to just stop talking to her but I can’t because I’m in love. Death seems like a pretty good option but I don’t want bad consequences to other people. Basically I want to die and see how people react but some back to life. I need some help please",3.1797235576923057,4.53099579447116,4.017259615384614,89.4152403846154,73.62740384615384,7.315384615384616,25.13942307692308,7.8658589789855275,1.1766408653846154,3199,101,692,44,64,1025,276,832,0.114,0.6859999999999999,0.199,0.9976,3,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,10,1,1,3,33,55,6,0,29,2,64,12,4,10,9,148,142,53,3,25,25,0,6,12,7,5,2,8,1,11,54,52,1,2,16,0,0,10,21,15,2,8,34,17,140,40,102,93,24,80,0,3,2,5,124,27,2,14,52,490,194,3,0.037628061884166376,0.0,0.03671956048576425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902734424823706,0.0939286854264491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028785364348852805,0.0,0.0,0.026310415765425598,0.0,0.030964688812013638,0.0,0.035177158446715484,0.0,0.035352802780227795,0.05786731389455515,0.09425357984425206,0.3211280418296202,0.08311447612876208,0.03201870922571371,0.04239394035137226,0.0,0.03327896292453044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03842245825326161,0.0,0.1534572674790897,0.0,0.07961100034098761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012883677373433,0.04163473477765474,0.0,0.048533974046790516,0.0,0.032408994563893304,0.0,0.039051987530939664,0.03931331594422899,0.0,0.0,0.03292857052586835,0.07701314298309728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03143341737677871,0.0,0.06665458845779157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191045129097515,0.16908837875026092,0.0,0.035472387932643304,0.0,0.057077636056175274,0.053762989856981455,0.07225768055376826,0.0,0.0,0.0320064102163676,0.0,0.0,0.20349943089884587,0.0,0.11795465576097296,0.0,0.08553957883119262,0.09468189917140377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862884857039341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044589434504791456,0.0756638901463607,0.0,0.03774401407445535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0402816184890868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04162987541364864,0.0,0.020679398752705955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315562580556096,0.2205980444373929,0.0,0.06645253604354005,0.03329965068143339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398006524338322,0.16980397474040362,0.035604581963272486,0.07535107048311032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037920236164632914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553219100503058,0.05580146220733693,0.02902108102150315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03610514021229864,0.0,0.0,0.04007265785954688,0.10199099421842732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184048554477332,0.15651936177387152,0.13142148902099254,0.0,0.04130431245390158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765625329372606,0.04056941490991122,0.10801492032716653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042828972255300336,0.09642199985835204,0.0,0.18576585813702345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158580718262249,0.17954007054063448,0.0,0.07616321498624964,0.0599693872001711,0.03425517432817482,0.0,0.0,0.03862466479431791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03188213472677805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130666869774769,0.0,0.030049818826844314,0.06291748921648263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658323933362479,0.2419520865347317,0.09866575383217267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27498253563928315,0.04822108540165379,0.036969379753088234,0.11948991216291648,0.06582367644454623,0.0,0.0,0.17977612822743788,0.0,0.02554698404849704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03249856411396517,0.0,0.15523545891935164,0.17755204646998407,0.08960221224461316,0.0,0.0,0.06766429316486228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642624670592095,0.0,0.106919582242699,0.0,0.0,0.024231238168934282
suicidewatch,ChillyG0nz0,2019/04/20,I finally did it So after a few attempts I’m finally able to follow through. I won’t hear the voices that harass me every day. Best decision ever,0.532,2.9896492000000023,4.248333333333335,77.9625,90.33333333333334,7.0,24.16666666666667,8.07648339933343,2.295666666666667,116,5,20,3,4,43,27,30,0.105,0.757,0.138,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,3,3,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,16,5,0,0.31441430960946365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32995842011374016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027712188512488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844057436006942,0.2649076164239521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6888510154542568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543677778658548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,saintsie,2019/04/20,"I have no reason to feel like this, why do I feel like this? It does my head in every single time. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, parents who love me, a couple people who care deeply about me, I have water, clothes, going to a good school, 2 great dogs, everything. It's a mess, I also feel so much more privileged as a girl especially, it's probably the best time to be alive as a female, everyone's fighting for me to do anything I could possibly want ; If I truly do loose everything I can turn to literally just selling myself, even something as ridiculous as used underwear online and yet why am I so fucking sad?

I hate how I lose contact with people who genuinely want to stay in contact just because I feel like I'm such a waste of time, I feel so unoriginal, just stupid collections of the things I see on TV or online, or what I grew up with, and every single time I believe I'm worth something special I remember that if I suddenly died that's it, my dreams and thoughts and ambitions, supposed 'talents', interests ; all of it dies along with me as selfish as that sounds, because none of it was anything remarkable anyways. 

The added stress of climate change and the increase in population, the superbugs or whatever, I don't want to reproduce, I don't want to breathe, I don't want to eat, I wish i could give all I have to someone who WANTS to live. It's no ones fault but mine that I am this way, and it's no ones fault but mine the bad things I went through, I still live such a privileged life. So why do I feel like this? 

I want to disintegrate so I can at least have a purpose - as complete dirt.",8.483617300131057,5.6966560795107055,8.639163390126694,74.7256651376147,63.12844036697246,12.156312800349498,38.95347313237222,10.451354775682146,3.774167496723458,1266,51,264,23,14,419,161,327,0.133,0.7090000000000001,0.157,0.1815,1,0,2,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,0,2,17,27,5,1,15,0,20,10,3,3,2,43,47,27,2,12,10,1,6,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,23,10,4,0,9,2,2,4,7,13,0,2,3,8,40,14,39,41,10,20,0,2,1,2,11,7,1,5,11,180,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717434245016125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765224984753156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490657721270971,0.10937637973262612,0.0,0.0,0.1010757884696324,0.09414822034726708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914683453477461,0.0,0.09490441987260367,0.0,0.0940623353732085,0.0,0.0,0.143257002695058,0.0992656877491516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621578453337664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785084189271948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359751706062125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925456629117035,0.0,0.15117408208073166,0.08572458119249977,0.16125645374392514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721694195228961,0.2563638362105376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084812715744712,0.0,0.0,0.08293818914385696,0.0,0.08606084932668476,0.05098594459528228,0.07524697738428941,0.0,0.09890885897755676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857297812783099,0.18414276549105568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633669192502874,0.17531688956459354,0.0,0.15843638078313382,0.0,0.0,0.10036585847345134,0.0,0.0,0.08096945219015615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594935068119635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158365171988045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996156291575659,0.0,0.0,0.12439134595600768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011378867301065,0.0,0.0,0.0967257482032619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223986815491013,0.0,0.0,0.10162729915279198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907943086124114,0.07148961673601271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760135028472254,0.13813084456817426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562208240546644,0.07164488854111853,0.0,0.10276589658517436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192026131983385,0.0,0.0,0.07122207198677488,0.2092494018865008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758194256618692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748319605878776,0.0,0.0,0.3704052118010624,0.07120997463461362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831648159637715,0.24285598681011145,0.0,0.10316548055964953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,unusual_lemon16,2019/04/20,"I don’t know why, but I keep thinking of suicide It’s not like my life is terrible. I’m doing a great degree, I have a lovely boyfriend, and my family are friends are great. Sure, there are hiccups along the way, but sometimes small things happen and I just keep thinking that if I just kill myself it would be so much easier. 

As I was driving home today I literally thought to myself that if I died right now I really wouldn’t care. I’ve thought about killing myself before but I never would’ve actually done it, but I actually genuinely thought of doing it today, and it scares me. 

I don’t know what to do.",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707305,5.0895934959349605,82.91455284552845,71.92682926829268,8.06829268292683,27.487804878048767,8.515128840125781,1.8824243902439028,480,17,97,8,9,160,74,123,0.219,0.5710000000000001,0.21,-0.3138,0,0,0,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,2,1,3,0,15,3,0,0,2,26,28,11,4,4,9,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,9,4,0,2,7,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,18,7,7,20,1,8,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,5,69,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.2822869121207656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123074220358976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746560690710364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501088905538701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801240835822238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634954670737226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174508550527212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189224613643663,0.0,0.0,0.1279007602123395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508127334818455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711748712755617,0.3200356656514722,0.0,0.1589758575862725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216038313092016,0.07066163551559619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053925227096405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632378869824688,0.0,0.11155187098634703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265725215813607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351798971828835,0.0,0.0,0.14480544121665284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304828077369247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582078423932176,0.0,0.13631731657996018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960894483953779,0.1853532710777116,0.0,0.3444734688524674,0.0,0.0,0.27419522426724097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148049862212962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051110869675714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548992360784765,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,KushnoodKicks,2019/04/20,"I'm more confident that I'll do it I'm sorry, I know posts like these can seem very attention seeking but I just wanted to get my thoughts out and look at them. So it is more for me than anyone else. 

I've been practicing my chosen method, making sure my last notes are accessible and that no one will hear or disturb me. 

It's ironically even more depressing to try and then fail but I keep telling myself I'm ironing out the kinks and refining the process. 

I don't think this world is or ever was any good. I don't really think that much of the struggles I have had has ever been worth it. I've got no one depending on me and there is just not anything to keep me going. 

I've been social, healthy, and productive more in the last few months than ever before. It's nice but ultimately feels empty. I would have perhaps liked to have children and give them opportunities I never had but I'm happy to die without having much to lose. 

I regret leaving my mother behind.",3.1264795918367336,4.793324760204083,4.419132653061227,85.19818877551022,74.35714285714286,7.348979591836735,24.494897959183675,8.07648339933343,1.3434040816326531,767,24,156,12,16,253,119,196,0.165,0.6890000000000001,0.146,-0.659,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,8,13,0,2,4,0,21,0,0,2,5,38,41,15,1,3,10,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,1,10,9,0,2,7,0,1,1,7,6,0,2,8,3,20,7,17,31,7,16,0,4,1,0,8,6,0,4,10,107,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871516343501678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150067192542386,0.14873566205044428,0.1194559883964722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352220236920072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502785033847102,0.0,0.15065527697294948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126425568872892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587815682626218,0.3939221212721872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339828787793486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584117334121722,0.13925265384272592,0.0824989312692012,0.12175503003265012,0.11609934233043084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452768837846567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360816651136012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25805337775039633,0.0,0.0,0.07977725958902092,0.23665287044275024,0.0,0.15370563815055133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183767837712907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189955165067835,0.16239918914323284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968967873474418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158669535427927,0.0,0.2134216004933994,0.0,0.1119579124080439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967311070985833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390251055958999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299451841879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215006719130926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147974416719662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249701658220925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175487983172542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681350258326627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268780192007226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602794470746875,0.0,0.11524244315423984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855549489256007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977388367743907,0.08562033083737716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993102419596026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311894665952667,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,tengomalospresagios,2019/04/20,"I'm not strong enough to keep doing this, I need help. ## I know I'm far from the biggest victim of the universe, there's plenty of people that have it far worse than me. I really need to get this off my chest because it's a burden I've been holding for a while and I just no longer know what to do.

I know y'all are busy, so I've decided to put all my grievances in a list, also if you're extra busy I decided to highlight all of the key points:

1. **I feel so lonely**, I've never had a group of friends that I could constantly reach, this has been my life since I was a child. There's plenty of people that know me and people that I can interact with, I'm not an unlikable person but there's no one I have any close connection with, we're just not simply on the same channel. Despite this there're people that do talk to me and I've been ghosting most of these people because quite frankly I don't want to make their experiences worse with having them around me.
2. **I have no drive to continue doing anything**, there's literally nothing motivating to do anything. Simple things like driving a car to be wash, showering daily, brushing my teeth, getting out of bed, etc. are difficult to do. My bedroom has been disorganized since december 2018, I feel really guilty about it.
3. In my search for love this past year, I was greatly disappointed with **my first boyfriend, who apparently left me for his ex.** This has made me feel terrible inside, specially because when I began dating him I told everyone about him, I even told my family. He lied about having an illness and he dumped me because he that he didn't want for me to him deteriorate, months later I texted to check up on him and he told me he was back with his ex and he also told me to stop ""obsessing over him"" and blocked my number that very same day. **I was so embarrassed I didn't told anyone what happened.**
4. I've had a **lot of meaningless sex** since he dumped me, but on the inside nothing really fills me up. **I don't even have any pleasure having sex** or have sex with guys I would particularly find attractive, however I don't know why I keep doing this.
5. **I have a severe distrust of people** because many of my close friends and the guy mentioned on point number three have made me extremely distrustful of people, it seems every person I think it's a good reliable friend ends up hurting me the most. It seems that for people I'm an acceptable target to abuse.
6. I often feel **my ""friends"" just contact me because they need something**, not because they actually want to talk to me.
7. **I constantly have suicidal thoughts**, I don't want to be here anymore and I don't understand what's the point of keeping on because I know that every time things get better from me, they don't last. Often times I could be walking near a bridge and in my head I start thinking on how can I ended it all by jumping. I've tried suicide before but no serious attempt recently.
8. **It's hard for me to focus on anything**, it's been getting worse lately, for example I can't open a tab with a YouTube video because I immediately change it.
9. For the last year I've developed a horrible **habit of compulsive spending** shit I don't need, despite all my life being someone that saves money I'm spending it all. I've even spent all my savings from 2016 - 2017 and I feel extremely guilty about it.
10. Last year I've developed a really serious habit of **binging junk food**, like literally spending serious money on junk food to eat in one sitting. For example, this week I've consumed at least 20 cans of coke.
11. I'm extremely **distrustful of people criticizing my job**, I don't like a lot what I do and every time I show someone my work for critiques, I'm mostly met with good critiques, but I feel like they're lying to me. For some reason, deep inside me, I know they're just saying that to be nice and not because they actually mean it.
12. **I have a** **severe problem with perfectionism** and it has made my life worse. Ever since I was little I do things like **compulsively ripping pages of my notebooks every time I dislike the way I'm writing.** This happens in every other aspect of my life. For example, if I don't like how I'm drawing, I rip the drawing into shreds and start again, if I don't like how my phone is organized I delete all the data and I try to reorganize it again, etc.
13. **I have no will power to do anything**, not to start projects or to finish them.
14. Lastly, **I feel ugly as fuck**, I have always felt horrible towards my personal appearance, but lately I know I look like a hot mess.

I feel in a state of emergency because this time I have really lost the will of doing anything about my situation, it's like a train is going to run over me but I can't possibly move because I don't know what to do. I've been to therapists, psychiatrists and psychologists before but I feel really weak right now and I don't know if I can hold to months of talking with a person of debilitating issues I have, so maybe they can finally tell me if I have something. I'm desperate because I need a fix for all of this things, I'm deeply concerned with not getting out of this.

​

What is your experience what has worked for y'all?",0.6426268904901421,3.1548116560693664,2.7228167973183406,88.20431625623566,91.88053949903662,5.772544672315044,21.849473434159474,7.250789805081777,1.0905151951856835,4081,153,810,76,146,1367,387,1038,0.173,0.753,0.07400000000000001,-0.9987,5,2,2,0,1,1,184.0,0,3,8,10,35,49,8,2,37,0,83,20,4,9,10,145,161,44,3,18,25,2,12,9,4,3,7,1,3,7,53,36,4,7,33,3,7,11,29,23,0,4,29,15,130,26,117,122,22,97,0,4,1,5,59,40,2,18,52,520,183,5,0.0,0.051060933410884995,0.08410967466450554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892665904848193,0.03585877694054543,0.04669378518305368,0.05236555769726387,0.05861262088905336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273899932015679,0.030133265227612997,0.0,0.17731897302228258,0.03836399123079262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0331376579743296,0.0,0.3415167672859041,0.0,0.0733419240460751,0.0,0.0,0.03811432800018901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558915772556898,0.0,0.0,0.09314150986404636,0.0,0.06881624796742025,0.0,0.0,0.02779293047934029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044097293753732295,0.0,0.0,0.07633936348795424,0.04452900852208412,0.09612539640825124,0.08539220108719592,0.03898220420333826,0.18154842211901268,0.041179446206924056,0.0,0.08431102788428947,0.040626453164444284,0.0,0.1961126986187033,0.03078732102209492,0.04137828668827219,0.04720884080986825,0.0393883619606383,0.03665687599285211,0.1042221175097558,0.0,0.13318141768024805,0.03984094936176797,0.11257768781783993,0.0,0.024492076059910026,0.07229265665286405,0.0,0.04751276682831893,0.0,0.08534232827964186,0.07621813742608474,0.0,0.038604961752558536,0.0,0.04422825402264317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028885899412878138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046134455059590636,0.0,0.0,0.04498034065292858,0.042765477334710096,0.11491536056550535,0.0,0.0,0.2368407298913614,0.14051382274920934,0.09722684602691778,0.0,0.04682321530972966,0.0,0.12175805848295068,0.18948786597454567,0.04319285435783655,0.0,0.0,0.036189233542373536,0.0,0.04704365671312772,0.07327623753450271,0.03889522881868996,0.12233356414999487,0.028766475506579618,0.04369191282927748,0.04329506356821633,0.04694346140222053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879658185486255,0.04580352851807806,0.0,0.15977325061810055,0.03323778458728033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270228610579704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058405038274812325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113938039409267,0.268891956153728,0.15051676190086768,0.0,0.0,0.12221708384976965,0.04858352304728187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041236422256709065,0.0,0.04332272184496301,0.0,0.045837201056192704,0.0,0.0,0.16564787809206932,0.04430918921947696,0.04255145128367005,0.0,0.0,0.036803186702380364,0.0,0.034271145774991976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846476183819551,0.0,0.09737093999056304,0.04423674939049376,0.1425956493498565,0.048440970168051024,0.0,0.0,0.07302908705889494,0.06635379962532599,0.0,0.0,0.09150931489124532,0.0,0.0,0.036029635694833036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427861924660604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391521072292774,0.037667228517842974,0.0,0.0,0.0500370137756783,0.11452252153680345,0.055227510234972015,0.0,0.03421288784764192,0.12564620277156413,0.0,0.0,0.2058972310346203,0.0,0.058517816895206125,0.0,0.0,0.04486377098682436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03555817055915975,0.10167499737910267,0.034207076652583976,0.03456848397849733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888684321252545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274784465426278,0.0,0.1756713414374889,0.030613694576984138,0.0,0.05236555769726387,0.08325596216888348
suicidewatch,kabamya,2019/04/20,"I’m tired and scared I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for many years now, it comes and goes and it isn’t usually so terrible. I’m in college and honestly? I’m failing everything. My grades are terrible and I’m either going into probation or straight up getting suspended. My relationship with my family has gone to shit because I rarely go home now, some of my family members died recently and I haven’t had the time to come back and support them, I’m not on speaking terms with any of them now. I just want to go home. The only positive thing in life are my friends, but I feel so disconnected from them and I can’t really talk to anyone about this. I feel suffocated and I can’t really express this part of me to anyone else, I feel like my whole life is just falling apart.

I have never felt such an intense desire to die before, maybe it’s because of my anxiety or just my situation in general, but I can’t stop thinking about it. If my life is going to be over, I might as well just end it here, right? I don’t know, I just can’t imagine myself recovering from this situation and making my life better.",3.274766865079364,4.894812022321432,5.119583333333335,80.52263888888892,73.86607142857143,8.906349206349207,27.62301587301588,9.444778638647367,2.520130753968254,879,34,175,22,18,301,125,224,0.142,0.747,0.11,-0.8101,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,2,16,11,1,1,3,0,18,6,1,1,1,43,41,18,3,3,12,0,4,1,1,1,5,1,2,0,9,15,0,1,8,0,0,8,9,5,1,0,5,5,28,6,26,34,5,30,0,1,0,0,8,10,1,5,13,119,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034238193281579,0.0,0.09038029852843793,0.0,0.0,0.1652189079469653,0.12105310827301048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084590768845267,0.0,0.14403970779174533,0.0,0.10053235606971167,0.0,0.0,0.10448930113874856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035422298653344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523089222706504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869465648766296,0.0,0.10464105178758078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618075188440136,0.0,0.2227524357180235,0.0,0.1792123845832177,0.08440252855873641,0.11343734719276442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127822782293236,0.0,0.061725679245054337,0.0,0.26857720392440154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23701734106046074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064929184498325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33379611045041385,0.0577194857005975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886244044214885,0.11978008472099225,0.11869213422779445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533275439132502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112040183177224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898542949870966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279390928041814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513729169152268,0.0,0.11665354317799174,0.126843090093918,0.0,0.10089484611119308,0.0,0.0,0.11828335889322195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212737380136869,0.0,0.2655989694645813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877417893916808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923102090839936,0.13406909631154368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496015729369686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849002506333398,0.07570229164287891,0.0,0.09379361853423623,0.06889106856756401,0.13578984229093774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301195897381115,0.0,0.06968474834039999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622618740970907,0.0,0.0,0.13190423095192286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608125132205383
suicidewatch,Captn_Ben02,2019/04/20,"what to do at edge of suicide everything is hell. i hate my life. i see no reason to live longer. i never had luck with anything and it looks like i willl never have. want to commit suicide in the next two weeks and i think there's no one who will care
ps. i'm sorry for the bad grammar.",-0.6901612903225818,1.4351424838709723,1.326048387096776,99.35907258064518,91.90322580645164,3.745161290322581,15.81451612903226,5.148860815047168,-0.963716129032258,222,5,52,1,8,73,50,62,0.377,0.524,0.099,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,4,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,3,10,12,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,2,6,3,8,10,0,6,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,5,33,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818592230025649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452074985314235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253181002178881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986151474989499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218185811567162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609458996829767,0.10796650016632472,0.0,0.1951417410456812,0.0,0.18557929196463865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408883762602123,0.0,0.2350296143768076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497512462859473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272186271436137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610359700969752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24738467759183685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834631102839704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160402477680842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158790155274514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303479804430449,0.0,0.17726804778855054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Person1Person1Person,2019/04/20,"i dont understand. why do people dont want people to commit suicide? we're gonna gonna die soon anyways... like yeah, you are gonna be sad when someone you know (family, friends, etc..) commits suicide, but aren't you gonna be sad anyways, when they die normally?

​

i just dont understand.",1.3847941888619886,3.9092692711864414,3.0971428571428596,87.86983050847458,85.10169491525423,6.083292978208232,27.072639225181604,7.447530270364453,1.770189346246973,233,11,45,4,7,77,36,59,0.32299999999999995,0.5539999999999999,0.124,-0.9425,0,0,0,0,0,3,20.0,0,3,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,9,16,3,4,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,10,1,3,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587997903856356,0.197243662171128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369371864510805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5707340240817224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103621969260095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302635464144976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541254075943564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921003607968059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930420567632025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904485745327768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507259645203734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753815685288892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551162432403467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337973846832931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574398572356807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647382177911494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197243662171128,0.0
suicidewatch,_ratsratsrats_,2019/04/20,Literally fucking everybody is against me. I try to get help but all j get is hate I dont want to live anymore. Even if there are good people they aren't the ones with power over me,-0.2600000000000016,1.9654086410256397,1.9750769230769265,94.79492307692308,90.79487179487178,5.171282051282052,20.620512820512825,6.742157984588678,0.3173651282051284,143,5,33,2,5,48,33,39,0.152,0.713,0.135,-0.1737,1,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,5,10,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235399043734601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823478813172773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154767699561049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30160128107105594,0.3408912228227205,0.0,0.0,0.273632508861057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220919572441746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186700971582246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880736600697417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106695054800987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22617198230245905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149382511968915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242331039845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,OneChic1Dimple,2019/04/20,"Not suicidal but depressed. So almost a year ago I was hurt at work. My foot was and leg was ran over and arm was pinned. I have been unable to work since then, and have been fighting with the bwc to get treatment and help with income. The pain is NON-STOP! Think of like the feeling of when your foot goes to sleep, then multiply that by about 5-7. Thats what my foot feels like all the time. I have learned to cope with it but now its really starting to wear on my to the point where I felt like cutting it off. My life has crumbled since the incident and I feel like I am getting no where. I have an attorney but the bwc wont even allow the proper diagnosis on my claim so i can only get treatment for a contusion which is a bruise and not the nerve damage and pain i am suffering from. I cant work or get a real job because I can’t pass a physical. I can’t even walk like a normal person to go use the restroom. I went from working, going to school, working out, and enjoying life to not being able to work, pausing school, I don’t even know what exercises to do right know, and literally stressing out because I can’t pay bills. I am about to be evicted if I don’t figure out how to make $1400 in a month, and can’t even drive long enough for uber because my foot freaking hurts, and I am completely stressing out. I dont know what else to do. I sit there at times and just wish i could go back in time and just switch shifts of something or tell myself hey look out because this pain has grown from just physical to physical and mental. I can’t even keep myself together completely right now to type this out. This is not some bs sob story, this is just a vent. I have tried reaching out to multiple places, and I am waiting responses. I just feel like i have a black cloud over me. I have fallen multiple times, and have 3 broken teeth because of it, and always have to clean it out so i don’t die from a freaking infection. I cant get them fixed because I am trying to conserve funds to pay for living expenses etc. i have to keep car insurance because even though I can’t walk I can still drive i just have drive with my left foot, but if i don’t keep car insurance, my loan disability insurance wont pay my car payments because if i don’t pay for the insurance it voids my loan agreement, and if My loan agreement is voided my car get repossessed, and if it gets repossessed when I get evicted I wont even have anywhere to sleep because 9 times out of 10 im not going to be able to make 1400 in less than a week elsewise I wouldn’t even be freaking out. I know they say if you can’t deal with it, you wouldn’t be dealt it, but FUCK THIS.how freaking bad can my luck be. Its so hard to try to be positive and hope for the better when shit just keeps slapping you in the face. All this shit and i just want to know what i am being punished for.",4.966547443097845,4.5069677973199385,5.64722090846389,85.84897502216971,68.68174204355108,9.033579663020989,29.61912503694945,8.4952907291091,1.858724741353828,2233,72,500,30,34,728,241,597,0.161,0.72,0.119,-0.9837,4,0,1,0,2,0,50.0,0,4,2,7,34,34,6,2,25,0,66,22,14,5,2,99,105,45,2,13,26,0,6,6,0,5,7,1,1,1,22,36,0,6,13,1,10,18,26,22,0,0,9,9,64,12,72,82,6,67,0,6,2,1,13,28,4,12,26,329,86,15,0.1289732762629667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057163513802462734,0.0,0.06457405301310197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053658048842267186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958624420049383,0.05384364923111435,0.3537941045545525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703319097623486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522602634245412,0.0,0.0,0.05148733322248722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648289231478112,0.0555422469294501,0.0,0.06692694925333377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557785961867852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053870311414183455,0.0,0.0,0.0666319355547819,0.07191964778955158,0.3407425303830058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304255273838207,0.13820780149851378,0.06191728546151781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596168578287133,0.2695328546869187,0.0,0.1465969701811236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057767361299220464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043224034219541255,0.0,0.0,0.06404978219685903,0.0,0.0,0.1380685597282528,0.0,0.06965663514466415,0.0,0.063993037893998,0.2292747478132232,0.0,0.0,0.17720084922890267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006492101521329,0.0,0.09109763921745204,0.18902948427079472,0.0,0.05694288292007866,0.05706864547020427,0.0541525346556161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860906633994335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649873638173763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147261931813532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063183213559152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904499417819917,0.20585498885383566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056307245050825024,0.06737481156612417,0.0,0.06096071695774403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733999121154066,0.041311791661770035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014247323056447,0.0,0.05128236294628647,0.0,0.13052784113272065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132389214688154,0.10668802689778836,0.0,0.12906641922063805,0.0,0.0,0.049644964565704434,0.0,0.0,0.04564397438036885,0.0,0.051499112512588964,0.05391371699843142,0.14773845220401402,0.0,0.0,0.07053791551094314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636416409054791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041320433858331486,0.0633577945476371,0.0,0.1880133864113729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134658283153058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055695750428537166,0.0,0.0,0.0380358899611308,0.0,0.05172729133502698,0.0,0.0,0.05977975961186634,0.0,0.0,0.07415645133856963,0.0,0.0,0.2816822435512393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04152728067919382
suicidewatch,FromBloomerToDoomer,2019/04/20,"Do I have bipolar depression? I get soo depressed at points where I write suicide notes and make a date and plan and think about how pointless everything is, but there is a point where I realize how fucking pointless everything is that I get a huge spike of motivation and I'm not super crippling depressed anymore, like I get up at 6 am and run arons and made a recipe for my easter family get together. I have motivations to continue to push myself to improve physically by hitting the gym and fasting.  I find this lasts for an unknown time and not sure what triggers it and what puts me back, its",6.443416149068327,6.94021791304348,6.7214906832298125,76.13391304347827,65.52173913043478,10.049689440993786,36.42857142857143,9.957137785484203,3.6462049689440974,480,23,88,10,7,155,79,115,0.15,0.743,0.107,-0.6384,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,4,8,7,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,7,1,24,17,12,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,11,3,11,15,0,17,0,3,0,1,1,8,1,0,7,59,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710955350175093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507528220826396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875025691716418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391281552833929,0.0,0.17786091468860996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244060312251006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442201185675596,0.3942883312557306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379091142541684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217444010407973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852374435907725,0.1259384279808501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567075247927222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896650663289756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637392817564595,0.0,0.1778188721583598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089186627499494,0.0,0.0,0.11001476531384348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,NoFee8,2019/04/20,"Why shouldn't I kill myself? I guess I am not adding anything new to this age-old question. So I'll just copy Shakespeare here:  
 ""*To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, ‘tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there’s the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely, The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay, The insolence of office and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover’d country from whose bourn No traveler returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action.—Soft you now! The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember’d.""*  
\-Shakespeare (Hamlet)  


 I am all out of any rational arguments against suicide at the moment. All things considered, we have two options:            
a.) everything matters or b.) nothing matters. Mind you, it's not possible for us(with our limited intellects) to know which of these is correct with absolute certainty. So anything we do is based on unverified beliefs. So it all comes down to what to believe from these two things. If I keep my faith in a.), I go through all the miseries of life as described by Shakespeare above without any final satisfaction and die like a fool anyway. If I choose b.), well it's just non- existence. like how did you feel before you were born? you didn't feel anything. it's indescribable I guess. it's unconsciousness(which I think beats being conscious any day). I am really confused now to the point it has made me paralyzed. I in stay in my room all day. I listen to music, watch porn, reddit, twitter, YT binging. I read a little bit of philosophy although I can't say I am academically educated as most guys here.( actually, I am preparing for a masters in philosophy in my country, so that I can tackle this question specifically in an academic setting so that I don't make sweeping errors as I might have made here. but lately, I have been feeling that this whole project of philosophy is just another immortality project like religion or any other institutions, etc. to make up for our knowledge of mortality ). It would really help if any of you guys chipped in your views.",6.020713719270425,7.1705500378006874,5.922783505154643,79.17879857256146,66.66323024054984,9.13074279672218,33.13613534232091,9.333382268041843,2.949691726143272,2470,106,456,46,39,774,310,582,0.092,0.8390000000000001,0.07,-0.9004,1,0,1,0,0,2,100.0,11,7,2,5,22,22,3,2,36,0,39,15,8,11,9,102,66,36,9,9,19,0,4,3,0,9,5,3,2,3,35,26,0,4,14,4,0,4,11,12,1,3,7,9,48,10,84,45,12,46,3,2,2,2,39,20,0,19,23,308,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.06954204532876425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230515425024715,0.07472507913124543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592921302456438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060639247825592865,0.08028857869154034,0.0,0.0,0.0778003330944189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277288827508527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919169995091712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218780713435671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236240613525652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623507336638526,0.0,0.07947666782605001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404625515153776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809757800385712,0.0,0.0,0.07806472586211789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836160645437164,0.04050019383257872,0.0,0.0,0.0785672991281778,0.15700763828115302,0.14112241155034844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444655748857159,0.04776583750549704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633414982306831,0.07884153962488552,0.0,0.07832815351860209,0.0,0.0803873485487396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100470527209586,0.1044459615172232,0.07142387478283656,0.0,0.06306518341955744,0.0,0.07972465263934839,0.0,0.0,0.06431730419529133,0.13486084365097564,0.28541014597050435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511967738810305,0.14390987950450354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882589034474898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837841368549273,0.0,0.07477814059204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736621773045373,0.08033790584642254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394913582813774,0.0,0.07128191284160547,0.0,0.09130532876937916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334180437432753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565704659007872,0.0,0.0,0.05486145273639298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595647982668831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794974881703552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716125526918473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468744726030484,0.04566221466763051,0.0,0.056574566648102474,0.0415538115603462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751327586183075,0.13922646569952107,0.0,0.3428806693733579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407366101554945,0.0,0.06430343772377475,0.07956217940810494,0.08194850546877085,0.06869463053569719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518687792655552,0.07791449690075332,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,cantbanme69,2019/04/20,"I kind of hate that I'm living for the sake of others. It sucks trying to condense your life into a few sentences.

Well, okay, 4 years in prison. Aside from family, only 2 friends were there for me. I became really resentful, bitter, untrustworthy, as I *thought* some others would care. I've been out for 9 months and can't get a job because of my charge (aiding and abetting an armed robbery). My SO sucks but I would have nothing and nowhere to go without him. He has said multiple times that he wouldn't care if I left him. That's good for the soul.

There's so much more to the situation but anyways.. I used to be a big heroin addict. I've been so lonely and depressed that I started dabbling in it again.

I wonder if there is a hell? Would I go if I purposely ODed? I'm choosing not to be selfish and spare my mom the pain.. but it's like no one takes you seriously.. until shit really happens. I did tell my SO that I wanted to kill myself, and I swear it went in one ear and out the other.

I've barely been happy. I hate people since being in prison. I'm 27 and don't foresee any positivity in my future. Why should I have to live?",1.123322695035462,3.2207024297872384,3.141941489361706,89.97645833333334,82.14893617021276,5.618794326241135,20.429964539007088,6.816661863887847,0.3493581560283685,881,25,188,10,24,297,140,235,0.233,0.662,0.105,-0.9896,1,2,0,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,0,0,10,23,9,0,10,1,19,6,3,1,0,30,40,20,1,9,8,1,0,1,1,5,3,2,0,0,12,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,14,1,2,8,3,26,9,26,24,4,20,2,2,0,0,10,10,4,5,8,125,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151848205741844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451725900712794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847263800321975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834170159149168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971098767743925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102642188798222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073825258014648,0.0,0.0726159950980088,0.0,0.1579812580610354,0.11657734545100767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290747840432345,0.14795633252286386,0.0,0.2744456462642857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792509655759694,0.0,0.15377069143048255,0.14473561375376956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101191183220994,0.0,0.09817201291528824,0.06790298530461295,0.0,0.2454595963401329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278219025091828,0.11093966192519364,0.0,0.10217287795319037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336365577542536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836503286180944,0.10570736724360692,0.14789405300390915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635744459588738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780797737202402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221032921314102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267017022456974,0.11497310407260015,0.15622941456915232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837710133582067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045024006107802,0.0,0.12148247731971162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034170910727273,0.08104558035786444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436438043753914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004183593266013,0.0,0.0,0.08197928975075486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496776703905853,0.12884415848977726,0.12541591814653982,0.0,0.0,0.1339803977103147,0.15072759836369512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962013084152993,0.0,0.0,0.08950433337670069
suicidewatch,newburner1120,2019/04/20,"My confession My parents refused to cosign a loan for my tuition instead made a personal one to me. With my guns as collateral.

It's the strangest feeling, like a loss of control even if it's the smallest portion of my life.

I'm not new to the wandering impulses, I've never felt like I would act on them but it kills me now that I can't",3.3822535211267564,4.227137084507047,5.071943661971833,83.99101408450704,72.52112676056338,8.496901408450704,33.91830985915493,8.841846274778883,2.794169577464789,267,14,57,5,5,91,52,71,0.118,0.812,0.07,-0.6428,1,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,1,0,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,12,6,3,1,2,3,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,2,2,10,2,9,3,1,5,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315760545311001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526192901534864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948025443834734,0.21119932319757664,0.2838527631997171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270726399536467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881339047813932,0.2888614008002154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797338330096357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280093680246684,0.2855229078392054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032766972671112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282639824550093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25813417007394235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000825536578047,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,LieutenantLowBattery,2019/04/20,"There Are No Good People Left in This World Anymore Chances are even some of the people reading this will be the exact kind people I'm talking about.

I am a friendless shut-in who understands that they have way too much time on their hands. I've seriously just spent the past 17 hours on various image boards, subreddits, comment sections, other platforms reading hundreds of -- maybe even a few thousand comments from people promoting the deaths of all the tens -- maybe even hundreds of millions of LGBTQ people... people born into certain religions... people of certain ethnicities... saying they deserve death, saying they're a cancer to the world, saying they're mentally ill degenerate scum... all while finding humor in the struggles, misfortunes, and suicide rates of these people and acting like it's so surprising.

The future looks **so** unbelievably fucking bleak. There is no hope. I'm done. It's causing me to develop a DEEP-seated hatred for humanity. No wonder there are so many suicides in certain demographics, but people act like it's a fucking mystery why the most hated people in the world would ever dream of ending their lives. Maybe it's time to end mine just to get out of this miserable shithole of a reality.",5.653080637373247,8.26862016513762,5.772810236600678,74.11031144374701,69.82568807339449,7.708739739256398,31.657170449058427,8.532816995589336,2.9501431192660554,988,44,148,17,19,312,135,218,0.14300000000000002,0.752,0.105,-0.9147,0,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,4,1,14,16,3,2,16,0,10,5,1,1,7,22,21,7,4,2,3,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,0,1,11,4,0,0,3,3,1,2,3,6,0,3,2,5,7,10,25,16,8,27,0,1,1,2,12,14,2,4,12,100,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620591283811376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965398331372698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927290951554882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184066699417208,0.0,0.0,0.1922186945302424,0.0877493296399003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866359479394903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793647470767171,0.05068269914598345,0.0,0.0,0.08136574481636237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577535984161707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635087626611992,0.09553338258653374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101894985658216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539952367961901,0.0,0.0,0.09478646049435473,0.0,0.08565988014769095,0.0,0.08146232488446946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835093063120676,0.2923728569845094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977612918461479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131207425019269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260515471501607,0.6725316327811424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940685915675748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231434070689824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141387032400002,0.0,0.21222211025092905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797139119141122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113132341183104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098879500699752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700046999774016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753467110048133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520108566374604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891173118171097,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,thrwaay90,2019/04/20,"I waited over 20 years for it to get better For over 20 years, if I ever brought up that I was suicidal to someone, that would be their advice (or call the hotline (which is useless) or get a therapist, which of course I tried multiple times, and they do help, but never enough).

I wanted to die when I was in middle school, high school, college, grad school, and now when I have a stable job. I have friends. I have money. I also have BPD, which I have been in treatment for; the way I interact with others has improved dramatically since 10 years ago when I wasn't diagnosed, I have no interpersonal drama in my life, and yet I still feel such an intense urge to die. I just know that I'll never be content because my BPD makes that essentially impossible. I can (and do) change/regulate my reactions and responses to people and situations, but I can't change how intense and awful all of my base feelings are.

If I could just find a painless way to die that didn't involve a gun (maybe suffocation?) I'd go through with it in a heartbeat.",7.517647058823527,6.152951941176473,7.92580392156863,74.57311764705884,63.901960784313715,10.905098039215686,35.59607843137255,9.888512548439397,3.25401725490196,812,31,161,14,10,269,120,204,0.11,0.767,0.123,-0.5129,1,0,0,1,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,1,12,3,0,0,8,1,22,2,0,2,4,31,32,18,4,5,8,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,1,1,2,6,1,0,0,6,2,25,2,21,22,2,27,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,4,14,117,36,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263690832104687,0.11463353899982245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341640102739083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788316952245513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437219455492732,0.0,0.0,0.3257456438053932,0.0,0.13204921320974775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368024123882805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325074209665824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312561180019896,0.4026382846521575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362115228689234,0.0,0.0,0.11697648829862616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077519894588333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181952728469903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999115805869044,0.0,0.13512773688238194,0.0,0.07349499873549432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866798361898805,0.13663268101023104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832920716680465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710703702752714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134187249328647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632147294533855,0.0,0.1299183717385081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994776539348845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965354948615724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392633360995534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697405808943493,0.14536003532483344,0.0,0.0,0.1095716150790752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327436383754587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145405610705333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501493893443714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540698053711413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877991491655702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627572878601448,0.20529489204402315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186454585232594,0.0,0.0,0.2498316932936608
suicidewatch,VinexHD,2019/04/20,"This whole 5 years were nothing more than a long suicide letter I'm already gathering pills to try OD again.

I don't want help anymore, just needed to say it somewhere.",6.08818181818182,6.459963424242424,5.863181818181817,82.41477272727273,66.27272727272728,7.8121212121212125,34.68181818181819,7.1686216300943375,2.351072727272727,135,6,25,1,2,42,31,33,0.248,0.752,0.0,-0.8044,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637589634045908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32690803594454576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220946507727478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917154343654185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24441919739288515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162924068067631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621379333415508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605657448668427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379963140541087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442648533299445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680242324942969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227328284268665
suicidewatch,st-rj,2019/04/20,"things arent looking good.... I havent been suicidal in a long time, but I am now because i already struggle with bipolar disorder and last year my drug dealer took topless photos of me and pressured me into doing drugs, blacking out and so now im a victim of child pornography (im 16) and i made a statement to an svu detective this morning and it was so traumatic honestly id rather be dead. ive seen such tragedies and been abused my entire life and i just wish i was dead. i dont necessarily want to kill myself i just want to be fucking dead. i wish i died the first time i attempted suicide when I was 11.",1.8002380952380932,3.8274576746031777,3.770079365079365,86.73464285714287,79.39682539682539,6.73968253968254,27.16666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.7015523809523816,481,21,99,8,12,163,83,126,0.398,0.518,0.084,-0.9955,1,0,2,0,1,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,3,2,5,0,13,5,0,1,0,20,22,11,7,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,8,3,18,2,9,12,0,13,0,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,9,65,21,0,0.0,0.18765097297246847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747730751197445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965452140091816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437043183922212,0.0,0.18151388499109808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856167890752542,0.0,0.3673343238542545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347154857283405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641708273763868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283920262983906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421489049457984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752208026219708,0.0,0.0,0.12909847996114565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186643396090834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015875525582375,0.1329968810148429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986024739768886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557013888155225,0.0,0.34647769733788514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105218712027405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470192865964244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17596279257039135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682984143308395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642517122376614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198966387232516
suicidewatch,GilmoresHardOn,2019/04/20,"Socially Alienated Yea my friends all hate me because I like to watch certain news sources. Haven't felt this alone in ages. Lost a bit a weight so the beam shouldn't break this time, and did some research as to not fuck it up and become braindead. I still love them but..yea.",1.822060606060603,4.277083963636365,1.7159090909090935,99.08719696969698,82.0909090909091,5.121212121212121,23.71212121212121,6.42735559955562,0.3940303030303025,218,8,48,2,6,64,48,55,0.131,0.635,0.234,0.7579,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,7,2,0,3,1,3,3,0,0,2,9,8,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,5,4,5,4,3,6,0,1,1,2,4,2,1,1,4,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878183877040902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940396454953938,0.30691636834999536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033925033355549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668255391106554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147032079878597,0.25691210639581835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743666170610774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576686400362192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033583569755351,0.0,0.2508136810149934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832818858946169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219296010389891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204448504259342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384047442369649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,notexactlygaypersay,2019/04/20,"I just dont want to live anymore... Um hi, 
I dont really know what im doing here, i made this account seperate from my usual one, in order to avaoid being noticed.

Ive been off my meds for months now. Initially because i had been kicked out and wasnt able to retrieve my belongings. So i originally didnt want to be off my meds, because i knew how bad it is for me not to be on them.

Several months in now, idk how ive gotten this far without a suicide attempt, or even any self harm. Well actually yeah i do know, and i guess ill share.

I havemt killed myself because im married. I love him, more than ive ever loved anyone. Weve neen married for almost a month now. So yeah, i havent killed myself yet. Not because i dont want to die, but because i know how much it would hurt him. And i value his happiness, waaaaaay more than i value my release from this world.

I havent self harmed in months either. And actually, ive only done it once since i turned 18. This is because im absolutely terrified of an adult inpatient, or really any adult facility. I was in a lot of mental health facilities as a teen so im familiar with the adolecent care, but as an adult it terrifies me. Also having moved a long distance fairly recently, i dont know how facilities are around here either. 

Im being told by a lot of people, to just hold on untill i can get help. My husband is working on getting me into tricare, (he is in the military) so i can get my meds in order and also get some therapy going. But honestly i dont know if i want to get better. I dont know if i want to see tommorow.

So yeah, idk i just... yeah...
I just dont want to exist.",1.3772117812061708,3.065996385507248,4.004815334268352,86.1720757363254,79.34782608695652,6.8863955119214575,23.882655446470324,7.831003766801068,1.2396582515194012,1263,44,272,21,31,446,166,345,0.109,0.75,0.141,0.9352,0,0,0,0,0,3,51.0,1,0,1,3,25,14,2,0,10,4,36,4,0,6,1,52,64,26,4,9,16,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,9,9,0,1,7,0,1,2,14,6,2,1,12,1,48,8,40,47,8,34,0,1,1,2,18,16,0,9,14,185,57,1,0.0668993813406072,0.0,0.13056829167331194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699006681700502,0.0,0.0,0.10699882217600563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098774677829943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634620988986703,0.04677760292144596,0.0,0.0,0.059554632885631335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558581890303816,0.24468745156575625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059167066275207736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820837788679147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943099578137757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846129408053453,0.5488390368341853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044186410432378885,0.06051432048444246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747608279016424,0.0,0.038020460112715065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369721084962133,0.0,0.0,0.07121563542601761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111091400895886,0.0,0.0,0.04484124513417289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161717137103547,0.0,0.36131405919665655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802850697083406,0.0,0.2205969024889736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907337937723976,0.059203847285677874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375092334253635,0.1207586071722627,0.06330181218385231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293039385038466,0.0,0.06741884148891404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135937917149803,0.07110345504331214,0.04917874282682008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616538906239533,0.0,0.07124565776813459,0.04533275216599291,0.05087999411111081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637960760390564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571491348671112,0.0,0.06605506827234876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331014543636328,0.0,0.13958128990237298,0.07557725876306083,0.0,0.0553398595640818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317706497765555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650527290188054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639252257809542,0.0,0.0,0.0727673162576311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368021707327395,0.0,0.2367539305073584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015057811791745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064488616302355,0.0,0.04870354638374832,0.0,0.0,0.0475234010673468,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,texanbyheart,2019/04/20,"Broken up about my relationship .. Relationship of 6 years, completely has gone down the drain. The beginning was perfection, we were the perfect dynamic duo. We had our future planned, career, and recently was trying to start a family. 

I’ve never cheated nor blinked an eye to another male. I’ve been fully committed to him because well, I obviously loved him deeply. He unfortunately kept going back looking for his ex he has never met. He dated some girl he met on IG for like a few months and they broke up. 

Recently I just found out I’m pregnant with his child that he wants nothing to do with. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. He throws comments to me to abort, I wouldn’t be in pain if I got rid of it. I’m an overall sensitive person and emotional when you really cut me deep. I’m honestly just so depressed and some days I don’t want to wake up. I personally know, I’m never this depressed or have thoughts of wanting to never wake up but lately it’s been stuck in my head. 

But it’s hard not to think that when he’s completely torn me down, belittled me, and has used my weaknesses to tear me down even more. He’s yelled in my face and said “I hope the baby feels that.” He ignores me, then acts nice the next minute. He says his ex is prettier than me, he would rather have sex with her than be with me or his baby. He says he cares for her and not me. He has zero feelings for me what so ever. If I didn’t catch him, he would have kept it going for as long as he wanted. We would walk to school and he walks so fast that it’s hard for me to keep up because my knees start to hurt. He then tries to blame me that this relationship went down hill. He felt like weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Only thing I ever asked for was for him not to talk to that girl (he’s cheated on me once with her two years ago and this is the second /last time)..The list goes on. 

I’ve dedicated so much into this relationship and when I say he was NEVER like this, he truly wasn’t. He just flipped the switch and turned into a complete different person. I recently just lost my grandfather this pat January (he was basically my father). He decided to drop this bomb on me not even a month after his funeral. I feel as if in my whole entire life, any male figure I have ever had in my life just leaves. Some, wasn’t their choice such as my grandpas. My biological father left my brother and I when we were babies. I’ve seen my mom get beaten at a young age by men. My only uncle passed away months after I was born. Past 3 relationships I’ve been in, I was cheated on. Now I know “it may be the guys I choose.” One guy was a football player, next was a typical guy, and this recent one was literally a cute nerdy type of dude. I just can’t help feel like any man I ever have in my life just disappears. 

I just don’t know what to do. I keep dreaming of myself attending my own funeral and I look so peaceful and some days I just cry for four hours straight till my eye sockets hurt and my face is numb. I’ve had so many events happen back to back. Was trying to get pregnant back in 2016-2017 and nothing was working, recently got diagnosed with endometriosis. grandfather passing, and now losing him. Im trying to seek therapy as soon as possible but with my schedule is just so hectic. I’m just so depressed and some days I feel like I’m better off putting myself out of this misery. I’m done feeling worthless. I’m done crying and sobbing for hours daily. I’m tired of my body feeling so weak. At the end of the day, I know I have the thoughts but I don’t think I could actual go through with it because I do think of my family and how others would feel. I’m just in a dark place at the moment that I’ve never been in and don’t know how to get out if that makes any sense?",2.9065338474721507,4.204907823907456,4.315586118251929,87.21702099400173,74.23136246786632,7.60311910882605,24.277720651242504,8.18523009128523,1.247461113967438,2949,88,638,47,60,979,319,778,0.135,0.762,0.104,-0.9827,1,0,1,0,0,0,81.0,5,1,2,8,45,36,5,0,23,0,60,22,10,4,14,130,128,58,2,16,27,7,12,5,0,6,9,6,0,13,28,39,1,5,24,1,0,15,20,20,1,6,44,23,91,16,98,74,10,118,0,10,5,2,84,39,1,13,68,405,119,6,0.0,0.0,0.05271753755604658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04788711480388305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102101412935654,0.05664662502888145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050503141840400716,0.0,0.05075531089215262,0.16615788713955,0.0,0.09879366385282724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777794054698367,0.0,0.060006102347303025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055078881354758816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992266090337058,0.0,0.0,0.04313205527377508,0.0,0.11868094169321465,0.13935850896406055,0.0,0.13958683318702544,0.0548310454890783,0.0,0.05644134031904064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056622693222623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060767315527286724,0.047847328832663225,0.0,0.0,0.07136185122997821,0.1954634419694595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185399380075702,0.0,0.21852058376848535,0.07718644775199797,0.051869452383327096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059232175453971275,0.0,0.0,0.08467256841759305,0.0,0.09210559508147018,0.0,0.08641242457649267,0.0,0.0,0.16047038872096886,0.047771347805571296,0.0,0.09678594188637793,0.0,0.055442008348678164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036209710552624674,0.0,0.0,0.05365589113055105,0.10640129024335146,0.0,0.11566302577832048,0.0,0.05835287340018309,0.0,0.0,0.09603421343292352,0.0,0.0,0.14844499307186484,0.04403502187751962,0.0609390052609845,0.057201344112113986,0.058694903325483924,0.0,0.11447170102183875,0.13196174757374066,0.0,0.0,0.047807641545226966,0.09072950459049707,0.06043663728594997,0.058971236054362,0.0,0.04875683312720296,0.0,0.03606000757753902,0.05476968171997839,0.0,0.058845636946131985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326974345245172,0.1293591873513165,0.0,0.039712279125452714,0.0,0.2499899086637427,0.0,0.11490571092687728,0.0,0.0,0.20734170670110247,0.0,0.0,0.057531512298472975,0.07321321384242828,0.08217210981407568,0.05748306235023056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156997312399049,0.0,0.14150939972079182,0.05644134031904064,0.0,0.0,0.06090152437436475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054306885028430486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034607783505009974,0.0,0.2667003219378521,0.28999627479829704,0.0,0.0,0.0513871548121182,0.17184138891877695,0.0,0.05467300116491712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764738937781691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434207205911532,0.0,0.0,0.06177869903562285,0.0,0.0358897199056541,0.10384506978129088,0.0,0.08577463685137776,0.03150057797657761,0.06209017517732069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670917333474018,0.05876026527577651,0.05277150247459193,0.0,0.0,0.04665753760478021,0.0,0.0,0.12745395851841854,0.0,0.0,0.06578406559580442,0.048572135245258385,0.05007880063801543,0.0,0.06031347167255111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039328553704631335,0.0,0.0,0.15350230279966226,0.0,0.0,0.06957660665331439
suicidewatch,TeamSansa,2019/04/20,I feel so numb and so old. Wishing I didn’t have to lug through this life where I hate my body/face/personality and everything about who I am. Nothing excites me and I feel like a deflated balloon that’s all spitty. I shaved my beautiful long red hair during a mental breakdown and I would love nothing more than to jump headlong into a jet propeller or whatever. I have no motivation or inspiration or zest for life anymore. I’d like to peacefully slip away and I don’t even care about how it will affect anyone around me because I see the world as a hopeless and pitiful place. I see life as small and pointless now. I’m ready to go. I’m so numb.,3.0409576682859125,4.830212679389317,4.457598889659959,84.31521165857045,74.87786259541986,7.511727966689799,28.7029840388619,8.296473431620573,2.027726717557252,515,22,104,9,11,171,88,131,0.142,0.644,0.214,0.879,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,1,10,11,1,0,5,0,7,7,1,3,1,21,18,16,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,6,15,6,14,15,2,12,0,2,3,1,2,7,0,3,5,65,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18844354377505926,0.13286271029577135,0.0,0.0,0.16915338627210835,0.0,0.0,0.17852508435481831,0.0,0.0,0.11583120966739045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373267087105248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255029304974427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077297812830045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921543034847444,0.13574655394441418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798974427463978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760019714438664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026390484453316,0.1856631883687562,0.0,0.0,0.1681570477974582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149570348220444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914901458345448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646484971566729,0.0,0.19938848473786225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659135243064125,0.198524939842574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028342611241281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185075505031975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349810053089713,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Silent_Serenity_V2,2019/04/20,"I'm FUCKING tired of this Who cares, another bullshit post about a sad, pathetic fucking degenerates l wanting to die, who the fuck cares, I'll die, and that's that, fuck, so die already, the world still moves on, not like I was important or anything",21.900625,7.714682812499998,18.617500000000003,47.07750000000003,54.20833333333334,22.53333333333333,68.83333333333333,14.554592549557764,8.876433333333333,197,10,38,4,1,63,38,48,0.513,0.403,0.083,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,9,3,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,8,0,5,0,1,0,4,2,2,4,1,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862279099858852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695677464598164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887290346950062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441186898840838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254303953384685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6240537287743922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244630713794683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793623346119381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616228732307464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476982166852125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193961725539355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953744553970753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,yah-yeet69,2019/04/20,"There’s always an age. 16 just feels too young. Sure, I’ve heard how “it’ll get better later!” And “college will be way different.” I just don’t see me getting past high school. In school I have a 4.0 taking AP classes. I do many extracurriculars however lately they haven’t been as interesting. I just feel tired everyday. This has also taken a physical toll where my friends ask me everyday, either over text or in person if I’m okay. I just shrug it off with a joke and laugh but inside I’m slowly cracking. Some of my close friends are really concerned. I’m trying to hide it as much as I can because the last thing I need right now is a counselor/counseling. This has gotten worse over the course of 3 weeks and it shows. There are no words for this type of pain and I just want to go. I have an excellent family that cares however it’s soo hard to connect with them and the only real bond is with my younger sister who won’t even truly remember me. I just don’t know how to function.",1.5864605543710013,3.8668139004975153,3.1717128642501784,89.37074626865673,81.63681592039799,6.415636105188344,21.01421464108032,7.62386473244151,0.8254423596304199,778,23,162,13,21,256,133,201,0.083,0.762,0.155,0.9125,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,2,15,11,0,0,9,1,18,2,0,2,1,31,36,14,0,3,10,1,3,0,2,3,2,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,5,18,10,19,28,3,21,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,3,10,101,29,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331200556021933,0.13851019173276435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562003041819608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147403648989843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722261408482246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697196823697607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391795395720214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994695631217263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569260944554613,0.0,0.16833695218665548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572171344371003,0.0,0.17393964273052664,0.0,0.09460451360670376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911776447503078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758768426716115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148347407880483,0.13568921049905044,0.18777702746371894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687669167631795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236914101322392,0.12342988503803393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266022841628851,0.17712790898719588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158907356924099,0.0,0.14534869374135795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947084584008614,0.10664018366967534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885696397670052,0.1421581236575742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33693801194492035,0.13264911482812766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688900047062074,0.0,0.12515913472085652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105903335889194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913242344466604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301715687872695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818393558680044,0.13213023839665586,0.13352623129649413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963957823214307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,midnight_overlord,2019/04/20,"i have everything i have everything. An apartment, two lovely dogs that i adore, friends that value my presence, and the options and means to pay for college. I have it all and i still want to go home every day and kill myself. it’s just so hard to understand",2.509999999999998,4.8178862745098066,3.427215686274512,88.6584705882353,78.41176470588233,6.432941176470589,25.88627450980392,7.554174236665415,1.4384792156862747,204,8,40,3,5,65,37,51,0.135,0.625,0.24,0.7378,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,8,5,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,4,8,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,29,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661316990086026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307338000559009,0.0,0.4922446208207118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21157891541775087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556375350058572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453193870322188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746978833443811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029788680520619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471639203643696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983072810737893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870015230316708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675155583035798,0.2850916643561284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152618019295695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,frantheandroid,2019/04/20,"i'm nothing and i'm no one i can't help but feeling like my life is so inconsequential. no one will miss me because i contribute nothing of value. no one cares about me: the real me or the sociable facade. i do not believe those who say they do. i will never feel good enough. i will always disappoint so i should never try. rather than cowardly waste away i should end it now. it's braver to take the plunge, to accept finality rather than selfishly deplete the resources of everyone around you.

​

i am nothing and i am no one",1.8711006289308187,4.42456689622642,3.551226415094341,85.33520440251574,82.86792452830191,6.552201257861638,24.87106918238993,7.793537801064563,1.6127823899371077,425,17,82,8,12,141,69,106,0.193,0.59,0.217,0.6178,0,2,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,1,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,0,2,16,18,6,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,0,3,15,4,9,13,1,7,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,6,64,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582343036962635,0.17686353583726874,0.19834668905338265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531251024751934,0.0,0.0,0.15336333916494788,0.0,0.0,0.09950568660031968,0.0,0.0,0.18390836769192026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642753267701532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457651802178334,0.16866394239981009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597669864255134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507162410165704,0.11661411542410065,0.0,0.17881442842295628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691259790323784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094120402955776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529671805120136,0.07974769100697154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25179162847724523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698811207472593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44244524360142173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857955715395034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980990928872813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273135144220385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082489848477918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834668905338265,0.0
suicidewatch,idwwmt237,2019/04/20,"no point im an 18 yr old girl, ive been suicidal for years now and ive tried to get help, but no one listens. im so tired of feeling like shit all the time and no one caring. its not like anyone would miss me anyways, everyone is better off without me. nothings working out for me in life. my “best friend” is dating the guy who raped me, and he made her believe that nothing happened. i started struggling in school again and im losing my scholarship, so now i wont be able to afford university. i cant come out to my parents because i know i’ll lose them, but im also so tired of hiding who i am. i really do feel like i just keep losing in life and theres no point anymore. theres no hope for me to get better and i dont want to live like this",-0.2458468834688361,1.7105538597561,2.281626016260166,94.93234417344178,86.6219512195122,4.863956639566396,20.08672086720868,6.139981653823899,-0.029914905149051037,579,18,135,5,18,199,99,164,0.249,0.537,0.214,-0.7437,2,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,1,7,11,17,2,1,3,0,12,6,1,1,1,23,27,12,1,3,5,1,2,4,1,2,4,1,0,2,5,9,0,1,3,0,1,1,10,7,0,2,2,3,20,10,17,22,2,17,0,4,0,1,11,8,1,1,12,84,25,3,0.10844308172484346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672189327595099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754639754573196,0.0758259241692503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610589608717034,0.0,0.0,0.1221782177438303,0.11380432386375568,0.19181818650412485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056494917101124,0.0,0.0,0.09341411269927499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709448413958704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362201181426002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966416094022033,0.1549435185043609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378285593591893,0.0,0.11331406875618258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737570030461648,0.09589585903050186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268711179810611,0.0,0.0,0.10770844885835948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685485487563383,0.0,0.0,0.09638919369566896,0.0,0.0,0.05959748168437986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531931113303831,0.2119192482364799,0.0,0.09575722793239434,0.0,0.0,0.3639602093522127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261146597206904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810812328215,0.0,0.11379277218038245,0.0,0.14696767741153596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041320888195095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050275282632918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947141499674242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975018820536407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131526502159347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675657139832268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336825453617362,0.0,0.11861913038258977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323403302991848,0.2492787396418867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362573410033108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639625392646776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453526098235336,0.0,0.07894785504655588,0.0,0.0,0.07703485387331424,0.0,0.0,0.0698337891847044
suicidewatch,Mythrowawayacct37,2019/04/20,Looking for someone to talk me off the ledge After months of thing about it I’ve reached my lowest low. I’m going to bed soon so don’t worry if I don’t respond but I’m try to find someone to talk me off the ledge. Thanks for reading.,0.43615384615384656,2.159891846153851,2.308307692307693,97.03669230769232,82.46153846153845,4.16,21.93846153846154,3.1291,-0.3436199999999996,184,6,43,0,5,61,36,52,0.106,0.7959999999999999,0.098,0.1558,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,11,7,0,7,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,3,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667693848153712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658798624294859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24510233704784246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329726460465963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919549951971984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946111911888675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4691977605841665,0.0,0.26872021468047963,0.0,0.0,0.19390945127655074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981646511407718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964142555482667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Slothren,2019/04/20,"I’ve starved myself of life, and I’m too weak to feed myself.",1.7185714285714262,2.2453080000000014,3.355714285714285,95.93928571428572,76.14285714285714,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.4106285714285711,48,1,12,0,1,16,12,14,0.394,0.606,0.0,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,Phoenix_2-1,2019/04/20,"I don't know anymore I'm just done. Most of my friends from last year hate me, the new ones I've made don't know me, and they would hate me if they did, so I only have one person left to go to, my best friend and I can't talk to them very often anyway (it's a long story). I don't have anyone. My own family, the people I live with, have no idea who I am, and I don't want them to know, because I would be disowned if they did. It's like everything is against me. I come home and do literally nothing for hours. I self harmed for a while, but my best friend talked me out of it. It's been hard to live like this. Having nothing, going nowhere, no idea what I want, and to make it all even worse, I just found out I'm gay, so I have to figure out how to hide it from people, how to come out, and when. I just want someone to talk to. Any help, any advice, is very appreciated.",1.6428053293856415,2.2516275699481882,3.3594855662472263,95.53058290155441,76.40932642487047,6.343301258327166,20.00333086602517,6.18269132825596,-0.2598213175425617,663,12,171,4,14,222,100,193,0.114,0.733,0.153,0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,5,2,11,10,2,0,4,0,21,1,0,4,1,38,38,15,0,7,6,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,2,9,13,0,0,7,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,6,1,28,7,23,29,5,16,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,4,9,115,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459471592791755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949500494094018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163001552283826,0.08199778841936066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148659696555637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24613489308905576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203514121107732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200077463643956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745561352790321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053945572624237,0.0,0.11055155442479256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858031038444953,0.2718071280820307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329428825861614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505072921281162,0.2315593478204901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786034918708258,0.0,0.11763119624440102,0.0,0.11548715558681012,0.0,0.0,0.2647667169735363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334528713060928,0.09559055931007313,0.0,0.0,0.12741400817602394,0.0,0.0,0.11458422610252675,0.0,0.20710280821896368,0.10378010501084248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096354404329488,0.07827851891728388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132599279054456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250471200740088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893013700666547,0.08918898642385194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260026225219273,0.1023954880319844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233800325271595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936234231308846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28277113011316635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351977451269967,0.2075063437281653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950797049150008,0.1666102383327626,0.0,0.0,0.07551792256838437
suicidewatch,notfunanymoreee,2019/04/20,"Going through the motions I thought about killing myself today for the first time in a long time. I am a relatively capable person who is  great at keeping friendships, getting shit done, and being a great family member. I've recently moved to a new city where I'm making great money and have made established a decent amount of friends. However something just isn't right and hasn't been right for a long time.

Im great at making friends and connecting with people, but something tells me that everything I experience is artificial and meaningless.

I make great money at a great firm, but I see no reason to climb this corporate ladder for an arbitrary reason.

I'm great at coming off as friendly, personable, and down to earth, but that's just from years of practice. It's so easy to hide your true outlook on the world. It's so convenient to smile and relate to people because artificially relating with people is the only type of interaction that can make me feel a sense of connection.

I feel like a burden to every single person I meet, and I DONT KNOW WHY. I have this constant battle between positive self esteem (I know I love myself and people love me) and self destruction (constant feelings of inadequacy and feeling like a burden to everyone I meet). 

Naturally these constant negative thoughts dominate my brain; and recently I've been idealizing the lifestyle of getting addicted to drugs and ending my life. Every time I watch something that has a character addicted to heroin and opiates I feel a sense of jealousy...

I need to stop this before it gets out of hand. I need to stop this before I take action.",9.077937569676699,8.358114073578598,9.035505016722409,65.78594425863992,60.438127090301,12.120490523968785,38.996878483835005,11.34169021259432,4.618054002229654,1304,57,212,31,15,427,159,299,0.13699999999999998,0.627,0.236,0.9898,1,0,4,0,0,1,30.0,0,1,0,3,6,22,4,0,18,0,15,9,3,7,1,46,43,20,1,3,5,0,6,2,3,0,4,0,0,5,13,18,0,3,11,0,2,6,5,6,0,1,6,8,25,16,39,36,2,37,0,0,2,2,16,13,1,0,20,136,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045928244659133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04486295651744879,0.0,0.12524820518167212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821565930018514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06339575626684503,0.0,0.2385908283041651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753134508486531,0.08625303721839231,0.0,0.08534707788245527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518351124502042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401427598046648,0.07032337636182405,0.06614262869329299,0.0719902365316681,0.06937901354411243,0.0,0.18605974561240546,0.10515286449117114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260004745427115,0.0,0.0,0.1705784284871207,0.0,0.11535137802353533,0.0,0.04182585346069732,0.0,0.0,0.5679728466499765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949545507049308,0.0,0.0,0.06541480354216081,0.0814221950788194,0.0,0.08089200472617729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198247281396056,0.07190980367550595,0.0,0.0,0.13025888868988938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284509952618478,0.06963756651942632,0.19650149479788245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822006052463,0.0,0.10913983038343528,0.0,0.07107871176522221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055972473017515366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408660657495373,0.192781494244658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133626489831836,0.14533278122910764,0.0,0.0,0.12569981328941698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05864585342680024,0.0,0.1535517076859189,0.0,0.07554442477879436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997156302107816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305778073922348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533443837431525,0.0,0.06432545678872463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168527510760964,0.1716558335736545,0.0,0.06975965317653411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664082294117364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473929018904883
suicidewatch,thesyphilticsailor,2019/04/20,"Confessing Suicide My friend’s upset with me because I forgot to buy a ticket to the school dance despite her and another friend’s daily text reminders. I’m reluctant to tell her that my mindset has been so foggy lately and that the reason I kept forgetting to bring money to purchase the god damn thing is because not only have been stressed out for academic performance in school, but that I’m constantly putting all my time into imagining some elaborate suicide. Seriously. 
And it’s been getting worse. It’s so morbid fantasy or something. Some days I feel passionless, empty, worthless, lonely, mainly due to being overwhelmed for long periods of time- and the emotional drain is too much. I snap out of it when I catch my breath, and after I stop the cry party but goddamn does it get bad sometimes. My friends know my depression and anxiety history- my inability to cope with specific stressful situations and my emotionally abusive childhood, but still, they are all so lighthearted and I don’t want to put another thing on their shoulders.",9.290265957446806,9.241113026595748,8.877106382978724,64.90300000000002,59.69148936170214,12.413617021276595,42.204255319148935,11.792908689023552,5.410008936170213,851,44,130,23,10,273,126,188,0.301,0.619,0.08,-0.9947,0,2,1,0,0,2,18.0,0,0,2,1,6,13,1,4,6,0,10,2,2,1,2,32,20,16,2,1,5,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,9,13,0,3,5,3,3,5,2,10,0,0,5,1,20,3,20,14,6,23,1,4,0,0,9,5,1,3,13,90,29,3,0.0,0.15720569971412948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27825592158689816,0.1015008671181472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078338245366433,0.1617626349807475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433813999519101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574422919639587,0.08556849221599687,0.0,0.11427824955752518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611034068672133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984973134019187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708767555790554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30752783816442936,0.0,0.13864105493872214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291819827061652,0.0,0.14967033835500956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741881665748627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753605639113556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091014307294434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667628006857453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641852253191913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268561212910904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491393929057386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214458297159557,0.13122524461384166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595949492609004,0.11092754698142586,0.3039720688948364,0.0,0.0,0.290263716635959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596934524853772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629518232995814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547351205993928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825889598312125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521362764841754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
suicidewatch,morgaey,2019/04/20,"Not sure what to live for anymore Honestly, for the past year and a half, I’ve been wondering what the hell I’m even living for anymore. This past month I’ve been thinking so hard about what I want to do if I actually live. What’s out there in life for me? I want to be a screenwriter, or a producer, but I’m afraid I’ll never have enough motivation to get there. I’m afraid I’ll fail at college. I’m afraid I’m failing everyone around me right now, and more so myself in general.

My life just seems insignificant at this point. I’ve seen so much in my life that’s shaped me into who I am today, and I hate it. I saw so much abuse and drug use in my childhood, mostly from my mother, and I’m sick of it. 

I was raped twice by the same man and I can’t speak out about it. I’m terrified. I’m weak. I’m fucking useless and can’t even feel anymore. Seriously. I feel nothing. Every emotion I show is fake. I’m a fraud. I’m numb, all day, every day, and I want it to stop.

My mother has been using mushrooms for two years now and I’ve been the parent to her for so much longer. I haven’t seen my brother in a month, and I feel like I’m going crazy. Everything hurts. Not seeing my mom hurts. 

I have no friends anymore because all I’ve done is push them away. No one talks to me. No one cares. I get that. I really do. I’m a handful. But every best friend I’ve ever had leaving me? I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? Why is my life crumbling? My father had over twelve heart attacks and since he was cured I’ve been terrified that when I wake up, he’ll be dead. I’m scared that one day I’m going to get a call that my mother killed herself. I’m scared that I’ve failed everyone, that I’m so annoying and useless that I disturb anyone I talk to.

I just want to end it. I’m tired of everything. All I do is lay in bed all day, thumbing through videos to watch to try and distract my mind. But my efforts are eventually futile. I’ll stare at the ceiling and feel the raw pain creeping into my heart and I’ll just cry, and cry, and cry. Then I’m empty again. I can’t even take care of myself. My teeth, my skin, my nails, my hair, my face...I have no enthusiasm to change and I don’t think I ever will.

I’ve thought about killing myself so much and I’m really, really ready to go through with it. I’m selfish, I know, I’m disgusting, I know, but what can a girl do to get a break? This feels like the only way I can ever be at peace. And trust me, I will be at peace. It’s so tempting. I want it right now, but I’m a fucking pussy and can’t quite push myself to the edge yet. But if my emotions continue to snowball then I know my life is done for.  Fuck. I don’t even know why I posted this. It’s like my last attempt to get someone to believe in me but it doesn’t even matter at this point, I’m so far gone I feel fucking crazy.
Maybe I am crazy. Either way.. I think I’m done with this life.",-0.5536718146718123,1.4713389412698419,1.8153496353496368,97.21092664092664,88.95238095238096,4.929214929214929,18.354783354783358,6.382479282647008,-0.2304611754611745,2223,62,538,24,74,752,242,630,0.279,0.632,0.08800000000000001,-0.9994,1,1,1,0,1,2,89.0,0,0,1,9,34,44,12,7,18,0,47,24,7,4,9,85,118,43,3,7,16,7,10,3,2,3,12,1,1,2,31,28,0,1,18,2,0,6,16,33,0,6,18,17,72,11,59,93,14,65,1,7,6,5,21,27,5,6,31,315,103,6,0.0,0.07261691527682437,0.0598087883541473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243127109931482,0.042854382438319884,0.0,0.0,0.054559807563044224,0.0,0.06972457881278896,0.057582614585713426,0.0,0.0,0.03736093405237083,0.0,0.0,0.06905121337050221,0.0643185568975838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258246676471775,0.0,0.12497553225917407,0.0,0.06483516424307463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20196779816927052,0.15810418988405586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815841100342687,0.0,0.0,0.07107526556099332,0.0,0.0,0.13788274952551613,0.054283468009514696,0.06332746041261858,0.0,0.20240256158760847,0.16631701953969147,0.15491475192868778,0.11712768085501872,0.11016440201391776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859360084640612,0.0875691113701915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947027705732486,0.2266411247182573,0.1601037010534973,0.0,0.10449509400176074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054902506663792684,0.06050975910421137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452544646966615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312213306970445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356134101218184,0.0,0.13473034719695026,0.04995835211086675,0.0,0.06489573000136797,0.0,0.0,0.2597395119859544,0.0898274759866057,0.0,0.1623567498322296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157259088349671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188396878942243,0.07178041446541078,0.09783987918295044,0.0,0.1802165584649998,0.0,0.04726951166249825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880802114424433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459213236506192,0.046612707576286515,0.06521534330768193,0.0,0.06805368692288294,0.0,0.11701372070813065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587498870395127,0.0,0.058697493629519336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518792202327307,0.0,0.0,0.11778905246797995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468018158532846,0.0,0.0,0.12272107015079164,0.0,0.04883904299689895,0.05579479831253723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05069852574157443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519295934626324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051239976003822726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577637374335527,0.0,0.046081365639014576,0.0985228373104458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781369328125064,0.0,0.04865626639089375,0.0,0.07044217765490772,0.05809438352176089,0.0,0.0,0.04161090551821009,0.0,0.05987001231379064,0.06380354684339895,0.0,0.10586726623045392,0.0,0.0,0.1807478873093732,0.09729600386110426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060677548621296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646482311882379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700941326684771,0.0,0.07893563953558651
suicidewatch,throwawayacc-maddy,2019/04/20,"what's the point? I dont have any friends, I'm not good at anything and I cant even remember the last time i was happy. i feel like I'm a failure of a person and I'm letting everyone who knows me down. i dont get the point of being here anymore",-0.8973684210526329,0.7874040877192989,2.1921929824561417,96.26618421052632,87.0701754385965,5.203508771929825,21.780701754385966,6.42735559955562,0.23147017543859594,191,7,48,2,6,68,39,57,0.157,0.7240000000000001,0.118,-0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,13,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,6,4,4,10,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496466349488568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182378925333956,0.0,0.0,0.18108855889996545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158114637814439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453458925142128,0.0,0.0,0.21027435594761293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126767570182823,0.15720911026202408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001586596249196,0.0,0.11497095264961282,0.0,0.0,0.1845737766972071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23425528325732464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093783799281588,0.17937621982492202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502368634400205,0.0,0.10750897096000936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214570667722727,0.0,0.0,0.4160509017560088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492822312897855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283172883496012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0